BATMAN Screenplay by Sam Hamm Based on the Character Created by Bob Kane MOM For God's sake, Harold, can we please just get a taxi?? DAD I'm trying to get a -- (shouting) TAXI!! JIMMY We're going the wrong way. DAD Put that away. We'll look like tourists. DAD (cont.) We'll never get a cab here. Let's cut over to Seventh. JIMMY Seventh is that way. DAD I know where we are! VOICE Hey, mister. Gimme a dollar? DERELICT Mister. How about it. One dollar? (standing up) One dollar, man. Are you deaf? Are you deaf? -- Do you speak English?? STREET PUNK Do the kid a favor, lady. Don't scream. NICK (emptying the wallet) All right. The Gold Card. (tossing the credit card in EDDIE's face) Don't leave home without it. EDDIE Let's beat it, man. I don't like being up here. NICK What, scared of heights? EDDIE I dunno, man. After what happened to Johnny Gobs -- NICK Look, Johnny Gobs got ripped and walked off a roof, all right? No big loss. EDDIE That ain't what I heard. That ain't what I heard at all. (beat) I heard the bat got him. NICK Gimme a break, will you? Shut up... EDDIE Five stories, straight down. There was no blood in the body. NICK No shit. It was all over the pavement. EDDIE There was no blood, man. (beat) My brother says... all the bad things you done... they come back and haunt you... NICK Listen to this. How old are you? There ain't no bat. EDDIE My brother's a priest, man. NICK No wonder you're such a chickenshit. Now shut up. (conclusively) There ain't no bat. EDDIE You shouldn'ta turned the gun on that kid, man. You shouldn'ta -- NICK Do you want this money or don't you? Now shut up! Shut up -- NICK (cont.) I'm gettin' outta here. NICK (cont.) Don't kill me... don't kill me... BATMAN I won't kill you. I want you to do me a favor. BATMAN (cont.) Tell your friends. Tell all your friends. BATMAN DENT ... it is no longer enough to go after the small-time punks and petty criminals who infest the streets of Gotham City. Crime and corruption must be attacked at the root! DENT If elected, my first act as district attorney will be to return an indictment against Boss Carl Grissom! DENT (on the TV screen) Together we can make Gotham city a safe place for decent people to live and work and play. JACK NAPIER Decent people shouldn't live here. They'd be much happier someplace else. ALICIA Anything new? JACK The usual gas. If this clown could lay a hand on Grissom... I would've had to kill him by now. ALICIA If Grissom knew about us... he might kill you. JACK Don't think so, angel. I'm too valuable. That's the way I've planned it. (pause) And besides, he doesn't know. ALICIA You look just fine, Jack. JACK ... I didn't ask. MEDIC That one there won't say a word. The other one's raving his head off. ECKHARDT Variety, huh? The spice of life. PATROLMAN They found him hugging a drainpipe. He was scared to come off the roof. KNOX Great, but tell me: is this another you-know-what? 'Cause if so, it's the third one this week. PATROLMAN (testily) I dunno. What's "what"? KNOX Good answer. I'm gonna put you in for a commendation. ECKHARDT Oh Christ, it's Knox. KNOX Hiya, gents. This anything I should know about? ECKHARDT Nothing out of the routine. NICK A bat, I tell you, a giant bat! He wanted me to do him a favor...! KNOX No offense, boys, but these guys are seeing something up there. ECKHARDT No comment. Print what you like. KNOX Come on. One question. Is there a six-foot bat in Gotham City? KNOX (cont.) If so, is he on the police payroll? If so, what's he pulling down after taxes? JACK You didn't show up. ECKHARDT We had another bat sighting. JACK I'm sure that was vitally important. Listen: things are heating up. Someone is leaking information to Harvey Dent. ECKHARDT I'm doing the best I can. If it's a problem -- JACK Eckhardt... our problems are your problems. ECKHARDT I'll work on it. JACK Very nice, Lieutenant. But a little ostentatious on a cop's salary, don't you think? ECKHARDT (knocking his hands away) I answer to Grissom, punk. Not to you. JACK You're a smart boy, Eckhardt. You should be thinking about the future. ECKHARDT Ambition. (nodding his head) Forget it, Jack. You'll never run that organization. JACK And why's that? ECKHARDT You're a psycho, friend. You're an A-one crazy boy and Grissom knows it. JACK Here. Use mine. JACK (cont.) It's all right, boys. Lt. Eckhardt here is a good cop. A real good cop. (pause; smiling) Inexpensive. KNOX What have you got for me, Jerry? KNOX (cont.) Nice, but... maybe a little more gore on the fangs, huh? COLLEAGUE Hey Knox, you got a visitor. KNOX I'm real busy, Clark. Be a pal and dust him, okay? COLLEAGUE This one you might want to dust yourself. KNOX ... Vicki Vale. VICKI How'd you know it was me? KNOX Honey -- I would know any randomly selected square inch of Vicki Vale. (grinning) If I had a good enough hint. KNOX (cont.) Where the hell have you been? VICKI A nice, restful vacation. KNOX God, a girl could get hurt doing this. VICKI I do get hurt. KNOX Got any more of those? VICKI Nothing I'm at liberty to reveal here. What's new and hot in Gotham City? KNOX It's too good, Vick. We got a six- foot bat that swoops out of the night and preys on evildoers. VICKI (laughing) Evildoers, huh? Big or small? KNOX Small so far. I mean -- they don't allow bats in boardrooms, do they. VICKI Speaking of which... I hear the notorious Bruce Wayne is throwing a big do for the Harvey Dent campaign. KNOX Yeah. Hottest ticket in town. Every law'n'order freak in the city's gonna be there. KNOX (cont.) Wa-a-it. Vicki. You're not saying -- KNOX (cont.) Aw, Vicki. Vicki! (apprehensively) Got a date? KNOX (cont.) Vicki, baby, I love you, I've always loved you. Will you marry me? VICKI (straightening her clothes) No. KNOX Well, I'm starving. Will you at least buy me a hamburger? VICKI Yes, but please -- be gentle. GRISSOM Nine points ahead in the new poll. I don't like the way this is shaping up. JACK We can always pop him. -- Or pop someone close to him. LIEUTENANT Let's feed him to the bat. GRISSOM He's going after our front companies. Specifically Ace Chemical. Which would tie us in with Councilman Kane, Senator Miller... on up the line. (pause) We have to clean out our files before the subpoena comes down. LIEUTENANT How do we go? The usual fire? GRISSOM I'm thinking break-in. Trash the office, remove the relevant documents... JACK "Industrial espionage." GRISSOM That's right. And Jack -- (pause) I'd like you to handle this operation personally. JACK ... Me? GRISSOM Hello, sweetheart. I wonder if you'd mind waiting in the other room. JACK Why do you need me to handle a simple break-in? GRISSOM (emphatically) Because I want someone I can trust. GRISSOM (cont.) We'll work out the details later. But it's got to be soon. -- All right, that's all for now. GRISSOM (cont.) You don't mind, do you Jack? It's an important job. I can't trust it to somebody who'll screw up. JACK I understand. GRISSOM (smiling) Jack. Don't forget your lucky deck. GRISSOM (cont.) My friend, your luck is just about to change. GRISSOM (cont.) Get me Lieutenant Eckhardt. KNOX How high up would you say that is? ALFRED I'd say about thirty feet, sir. KNOX You know, if you cut your bathroom in half, you'd have my apartment. ALFRED Which bathroom is that, air? KNOX The small one. KNOX (cont.) Man, I feel like Robin Leach. You actually know all these people? VICKI Some. I am a rich bitch, remember. (pause) I'm quoting. KNOX Yeah, I guess we move in different circles. -- Though I did meet a one-eyed pimp last week. KNOX Commissioner Gordon! What do you hear from our pointy-eared friend? GORDON Knox, for the ninth time, and you can quote me -- there is no bat. KNOX Aww, Commissioner. There's gotta be one honest cop in Gotham city. DENT How's your luck, Jim? KNOX Mr. Dent. What's your stand on winged vigilantes? DENT Mr. Knox, I think we have enough real problems in this city without worrying about ghosts and goblins and Halloween characters. KNOX My question is, where does one man get all this junk. VICKI All over the world. They say he spends most of the year overseas -- until recently, anyway. KNOX Holy shit... KNOX (cont.) ... We found the arsenal. KNOX (cont.) This guy has just gotten interesting. What else do you know? VICKI Just what I've heard. Rich. Reclusive. Old money and lots of it. KNOX Likes to kill? VICKI (smiling) Women find him magnetic. KNOX I bet they like him for his big charity balls. VICKI That, and the sweet smell of two hundred million bucks. KNOX Well, you know me. The more they've got, the less they're worth. (scanning the room) This guy must be the most worthless man in America. BRUCE WAYNE You disappoint me. Why not the world? KNOX I assume in my usual charming manner I've just insulted the host. (extending a hand) Alexander Knox. BRUCE Bruce Wayne. -- I've read your work. I quite like it. KNOX Great. Give me a grant. BRUCE I might consider it if you introduce me to Miss Vale. KNOX "This is Miss Vale." -- That felt redundant. BRUCE (to VICKI) You're just back from Corto Maltese. I saw your combat photos. Quite a departure for you. VICKI That's intriguing. They haven't been published yet. BRUCE ... You have an extraordinary eye. KNOX Some people think she has two. VICKI Don't mind my friend. He's a little nervous tonight. VICKI (cont.) This is an amazing house. I'd love to shoot it sometime. BRUCE I don't... seek publicity. -- Will you be staying in Gotham for a while? VICKI As far as I know. BRUCE Good. Then with any luck we'll run into each other. ALFRED Excuse me, sir. Commissioner Gordon was compelled to leave -- very unexpectedly. He asked me to convey his regrets. BRUCE Thank you, Alfred. (to VICKI) I hope you'll excuse me. It was a great pleasure meeting you. (to KNOX) And you. KNOX I know the rich are different, but that guy is real different. KNOX (cont.) Hello? Vicki? VICKI Oh. Sorry. I was thinking. KNOX What were you thinking? VICKI Yum, yum. KNOX Well, he must like the way he looks. He's got a mirror in every room. VICKI I get it. Bruce Vain. PATROLMAN ... anonymous tip. Tonight. The Ace Chemical Company. GORDON (obviously agitated) Good Lord, it we could put our hands on Jack Napier... Why wasn't I told about this? Who's in charge of the -- PATROLMAN Lt. Eckhardt, sir. GORDON Eckhardt. Oh my God... ECKHARDT Shoot to kill. SAFECRACKER ... Empty. HOOD I Just like the file cabinets. HOOD II I don't get it. If this place is cleaned out already, what do we need five men? ECKHARDT What are you trying to do, blow the collar? GORDON (to SWAT TEAM) You men are dismissed. We'll take over from here. (to UNIFORMED COPS) Any man who opens fire on Jack Napier... will answer to me. GORDON (cont.) You. Stick around. COP Freeze! ECKHARDT (snidely) Nice work, Commissioner. GORDON I'm in charge here. Not Carl Grissom. COP LOOK! GORDON My God... it's him. VOICE HOLD IT! HOOD V Let him go or I'll do it. HOOD V Nobody makes a move. We go out clean. JACK'S VOICE ECKHARDT!! GORDON NO!! GORDON (cont.) Goddammit, we had him. We -- GORDON (cont.) Hold it right there, Mister. COP LOOK! GORDON HOLD YOUR FIRE! COP ... Who is this guy? GORDON I don't know, but he's one hell of a showman. KNOX Commissioner. Do us both a favor. Don't tell me some lie you'll have to retract later. KNOX (cont.) Vick! Looks like our friend the bat is getting ambitious. -- Why the dopey grin? VICKI Guess who's got a date with Bruce Wayne. KNOX Bruce Wayne? Date? He called you up and asked you for a date?... Shit. (shouting) HEY MIRANDA! C'MERE! (to VICKI) I want you to pay close attention to this. Miranda -- tell my friend here what you told me about Bruce Wayne. MIRANDA You mean Mister One-Nighter? KNOX Yeah. "Mister One-Nighter." (to VICKI) Because that's the average length of his relationships with women. MIRANDA The current record is almost two weeks. That cover girl -- what's her name? You must've shot her, Vicki -- KNOX Tell her about the peanuts. VICKI Peanuts? KNOX Yeah. Peanuts. Which is how he goes through women. MIRANDA Like Planter's Peanuts. VICKI Plain or roasted? (standing up) Alex, I'm very flattered that you've gone out and done all this research. KNOX Why? (blushing suddenly) Aw, come on, Vicki, I'm a reporter. I'm curious. I do this for a living. -- What'd you tell him? VICKI I told him yes. VICKI (cont.) You're awfully sweet to be concerned, but it's really not necessary. I'll call you, okay? KNOX ... What was that? MIRANDA That was one of the most gracious fuck-yous it's ever been my pleasure to watch. -- What a nice girl. KNOX Miranda, I'm busy. Go be productive. VICKI Do you sail? BRUCE Too much work. I'm not really the physical type. -- Thank you, Alfred. VICKI You do a very convincing imitation. (sipping her drink) Mm, this is tasty. What's yours? VICKI (cont.) ... Ginger ale? BRUCE Two drinks and I start swinging from the rooftops. (beat) Tell me, Vicki. There's something I'm very curious about. What took you down to Corto Maltese? VICKI ... I guess I needed a change. BRUCE You were one of the most successful magazine photographers in the city. Everyone wanted you. VICKI Have you ever been to Corto Maltese? BRUCE Not since the shooting started. VICKI We went there once when I was little. I played on the beach. And at nights -- they had a band -- I danced with my father on the hotel patio. (shrugging) That was Corto Maltese. When the war broke out I had to go back. And I promised myself that this time... I wouldn't look away. BRUCE What did you see? VICKI ... Terror. BRUCE There's terror everywhere. Some types are just more -- familiar than others. VICKI I'm sorry. I didn't mean to -- I know it all seems a million miles away, out here on the water, with all this -- BRUCE Insulation? VICKI Bruce, really, when I say these things I don't mean to criticize you. BRUCE I think you see things very clearly. VICKI I'm happy to talk about something else. I don't want to be depressing. BRUCE (smiling) Do you assume that if I know you better I won't like you as much? VICKI I'm sorry, Bruce, I have to ask. Are you like this with the other women you know? -- Because I just can't seem to get a handle on this conversation. BRUCE (taking her hand) Vicki, if I say anything cryptic, or... ambiguous, I think you should put the most flattering possible interpretation on it. Because even if it doesn't sound that way...that's how I'll mean it. VICKI -- but it's not fair. I'm half drunk and you're not even -- BRUCE Would you like me to take you home? VICKI God. You would. (sidling up to him) Come on, Bruce. I just want to get two drinks in you. As an experiment. BRUCE Maybe we should just kiss. VICKI ... We could try that. DOCTOR Well, Mr. Napier, let's see how we did. JACK (V.O.) Mirror. JACK (V.O.) Mirror. DOCTOR You understand the facial muscles were completely severed -- DOCTOR (cont.) -- you can see what I have to work with here -- DOCTOR (cont.) I'm sure that with proper recon-- recon-- reconstructive surgery -- KIDNice hair, dude! GRISSOM (O.S.) That you, sugar bumps? GRISSOM (cont.) Who the hell are you? JACK It's me. "Sugar Bumps." GRISSOM (recognizing his voice) Jack? (advancing cautiously) Thank God. I can't believe it's you. I heard you'd been -- JACK (standing up) Is that what you "heard"? JACK (cont.) YOU SET ME UP! (beat) Over a girl. You must be insane! JACK (cont.) Keep your hands on the desk. GRISSOM Sooner or later you would've tried to take me, Jack. You may get me now, but your life won't be worth a dime. JACK I've died once already. It wasn't so bad. -- In fact I recommend it. GRISSOM Jack, listen -- we'll cut a deal -- JACK JACK? JACK? DO I LOOK LIKE A JACK?? JACK (cont.) I'm not a Jack any more. (pause; cackling) You made me a Joker! GRISSOM Jack -- I'm warning you. WIPE THAT LUNATIC GRIN OFF YOUR FACE. JACK HA! That's the best part. I CAN'T!! JOKER What a view. Our little city. It always brings a smile to my face. JOKER (cont.) Guess it's my little city now. Wonder what it'll look like when I get done with it. (pause) I bet it'll be something real fine. Real fine and pretty. VICKI I didn't mean to scare you. I just had to come in here and see it that was really you singing. VICKI (cont.) (singing) "Don't buy sugar -- you just have to touch my cup." Come on. "You're my sugar --" (no response from BRUCE) Bruce, you are such a case. BRUCE I don't sing very well. VICKI Then there's one thing in the world you don't do very well. And I know what it is. -- Now you'll have to kill me. VICKI (cont.) Poor thing. You should stay off that horse. KNOX (disgusted) ...Peanut. COPY BOY Here's that morgue file you wanted. KNOX Come on. Gimme some dirt! KNOX (cont.) ... Why don't you like your picture taken? DOORMAN Miss Hunt! (smiling) No need to sneak in. The rent's been taken care of. ALICIA ... The rent? Paid? VOICE Honey -- I'm home! JOKER (O.S.) So that's how it is, gents. Until Grissom decides it's safe to come up for air... I'm running the show. GANG BOSS So why don't we hear this from Grissom? RACKETEER I got something I'd like to know. How come you're wearing that stupid smirk? JOKER 'Cause I got an army, chum. And I got Grissom's army. And this city is mine. ROTELLI I don't like taking orders, from Grissom. And I especially don't like taking orders from Grissom's goon. JOKER I've considered that possibility. ROTELLI And what happens if we say no? JOKER (chuckling) Nobody wants a war, Carmine. If we can't do business, we shake hands and part friends. ROTELLI That's it? JOKER That's it. JOKER (cont.) Looks like Carmine got a little hot under the collar. CRIMELORD ... You're insane! JOKER That's what they said about Lee Iacocca. Now GET OUT OF HERE. -- And THINK IT OVER! JOKER (cont.) Heck, they're not such bad guys. I say we give 'em a couple of days to come around. (thoughtful pause) We-e-ll... maybe one day. (then, casually) Aaah, screw it. Let's grease 'em. VICKI ... To tell you the truth, I'd just about given up waiting. BRUCE I said I'd call you the minute I got free. And I did. -- And here we are. VICKI (teasing him) Hm hmm. Lunch. Not even dinner. BRUCE Vicki. Do you want the whole truth? All coyness aside? (long pause) I wish I had more time to give you. Every day I don't see you, I miss you. (beat) Now. Are you going to waste this lovely afternoon being all mad at me? VICKI Okay, I'm a sucker. You sound so much like someone I used to...(stopping suddenly) Bruce? I know this is silly, but -- you're not married, are you? VICKI All street mimes should be executed. BRUCE ... Looks like a convention. VICKI BRUCE!! BRUCE Oh my God... are you all right? ANCHORWOMAN ... live from Halliday Plaza, where a gangland-style execution claimed the life of racketeer Philly Ricorso. Ricorso's death is the third in a rash of underworld killings... ANCHORWOMAN (cont.) Commissioner, you've heard the rumors. Are these murders the work of the mysterious 'Batman'? JOKER All reet! I think it's about time we called another meeting, huh? ALFRED I'm sorry, Miss Vale. I've given him your messages. That's all I can do. VICKI Please tell him... I'm not trying to make his life difficult. I'd just -- I'd just like to know what's going on. KNOX Hiya, peanut. I got something I'd like you to see. KNOX Okay, here we go. Check it out. THOMAS WAYNE MURDEREDProminent Doctor, Wife Slain in RobberyUnidentified Gunman Leaves Child Unharmed VICKI Oh my God... I've seen this picture. KNOX I guess so. Pulitzer Prize, 1963. VICKI His face. Allie, look at his face. KNOX Yep. He watched the whole thing happen. -- Recognize the beat cop? Jim Gordon. VICKI Oh, Bruce... KNOX Something like this -- what do you suppose this could drive a guy to? VICKI Alexander, you are on drugs. KNOX He walks out on his own party. Half an hour later, the Caped Crusader turns up in full bat-drag. (beat) Sees an execution, freaks out in an alleyway. No place to change. (smiling) Yeah, Vicki, he's "married" all right. VICKI You're pissing me off, Allie. I know exactly why you're doing this. KNOX (leaning forward) Oh? Why is that, Vicki? VICKI He's best friends with Jim Gordon and Harvey Dent. They would know. KNOX ... Okay, Vicki, I have a confession to make. I'm the Batman. KNOX (cont.) Don't believe me? Why not? VICKI Alexander... I know you. KNOX Right. And they know him. And that's why it would never occur to them for a minute that their old buddy Bruce puts on a cape at night and goes out looking for -- VICKI This is pointless. I'm leaving. KNOX (grabbing her arm) Your little chum is out of his mind. (relaxing his grip) Next time you call him up and he can't go out Friday night -- think it over. JOKER How's that first shipment coming? VOICE ON PHONE Right on schedule. Oh, we got that address for you -- 79 East End, #12-C. JOKER Mmm. How'd you find it? VOICE ON PHONE Called her agent. CLAIRE ... of course, after Corto Maltese, this must all seem pretty tame. VICKI Not to me. I need a job. CLAIRE Now Vicki. Everyone knows you've got your hooks in Bruce Wayne. VICKI Then "everyone" must know something I don't. CLAIRE (cattily) Oh. Really. Well. -- Come on, dear, Tony's dying to see you. TONY Yes, ladies, smiles, show me those smiles, fabulous, tropical smiles, think Tahiti, I want to see teeth, yes, those glorious teeth -- TONY (cont.) My God no, don't stop now, those smiles, I need those smiles -- TONY (cont.) Yes! Oh baby, YES! That's -- (beat) No! Too far, too far! Pull back, pull back! (dropping the camera) OH MY GOD! PATSY The fashion world was stunned today by the sudden deaths of top models Kelly Brinkley and Christie Emberg. Cause of death has been attributed to a violent allergic reaction, although authorities have not yet ruled out the possibility of drug use. Dave? DAVE In Gotham, plans continue for the city's 300th birthday celebration. The four-day event will conclude with the unveiling, in Gotham Harbor, of the newly restored 'Lady Gotham'... DAVE (cont.) This bulletin just in. Nine more mysterious deaths at a beauty parlor in -- DAVE (cont.) Patsy! This is hardly the -- (his eyes widen) PATSY!! DAVE (cont.) KILL THE CAMERA!! KILL THE -- MODELS (CARTOON VOICE) ... Love that Joker! DIRECTOR WHERE'S IT COMING FROM?? TECHNICIAN I DON'T KNOW! JOKER ... new improved Joker brand. With the secret ingredient... SMYLENOL! (a sweep of the hand) Let's go to our blind taste test. JOKER (cont.) Ooh. He's tense. Irritable. Out of sorts. (wagging a finger) He's been using Brand X! But with new improved Joker brand... JOKER (cont.) ... it's a SMILE EVERY TIME!! JOKER (cont.) -- and the world smiles with you! Irresistable -- oh-so-kissable -- JOKER I know what you're saying. Where can I buy these fine, fine products? Well, that's the gag, folks, you never know. Chances are... you've bought 'em already!!! On the floor she sees AN OVERTURNED SHAMPOO BOTTLE. Then: her HUSBAND, slumped down in the tub, a lethal GRIN on his face. She lets out a SHRIEK. ALFRED ... Sir! JOKER Baby's got a tummyache? Here's something that'll fix him quick! JOKER (cont.) Now on your grocer's shelf. So remember -- use Joker brand -- and put on a happy face!! ANCHORWOMAN... sixteen new deaths, with no cluesas to the Joker's identity ordemands. The list at potentiallylethal products now includes:perfume -- mascara -- cold cream -- ANCHORMANMen's cologne toothpaste mouthwash-- underarm deodorant -- ANCHORWOMANHair spray -- eyebrow pencil --moisturizing cream -- VOICE She's outside the Fluegelheim. ALICIA Jack? Who was that? JOKER Get dressed. We're going out. VICKI I'm meeting Mr. Wayne. Is he here? MAITRE D' No, but your table is ready. WAITER Miss Vale, this just arrived for you. JOKER Okay, boys, let's broaden our minds. JOKER (cont.) I kinda like this one. Leave it. JOKER I think it's safe to take that off. JOKER (cont.) You're quite beautiful. VICKI ... Thank you. JOKER Unfortunate, but I think we can work around it. JOKER (cont.) You're Vicki Vale. I guess you know who I am. -- Is this your portfolio? JOKER (cont.) Crap. Crap. Crap, crap, crap...Ahhh. Now here's what caught my eye. JOKER (cont.) The panic. The bloody skulls. The armless screaming fellows... you know, the atrocities. (smirking) Somehow, when you shoot it, it all comes out so clean, so lovely. JOKER (cont.) I guess I'm just an old cornball, but... I live for beauty. I look around at my little city, it gets me down. (indicating the photos) We don't have anything like this. Well, it came to me that what this city needs... is beautification. Kind of a big makeover. (enraptured) Miss Vale, I finally realized that one man can make a difference. You know the saying. "In his image...created he them"? VICKI And you want a -- JOKER A visual record, yes. A before-and- after kind of thing. (leaning closer) This could make your reputation. VICKI Maybe we should start with a portrait of the artist. People might like to see the face behind the makeup. JOKER (momentarily puzzled) ... Behind the makeup? JOKER (cont.) Oh. Yes. I see what you mean. JOKER (cont.) Silly little TWIT -- I can't take you ANYWHERE! JOKER (cont.) Well? What are you waiting for?? JOKER (cont.) You see, Miss Vale -- that was my makeup. (leaning forward) What do you think? VICKI I've seen worse. Much worse. JOKER Strong stomach, huh? I like that in a woman. -- Maybe we can do business after all. VOICE Jack? JOKER (to VICKI) Christ, it's my girlfriend. (to ALICIA) WHAT? ALICIA You said I could look at the pictures before you -- before you -- JOKER Shucks, honey, I forgot. (rolling his eyes atVICKI) I'm in trouble now. (to ALICIA) This is business, sweetie. Why don't you go outside and see how the boys are coming? VICKI (hesitantly) ... Why the mask? JOKER Alicia! Come here, have a seat. Show Miss Vale why you wear the mask. JOKER (cont.) You see, Miss Vale, Alicia's beautiful. One in a million. A work of art. Infact... JOKER (cont.) She makes you look sick. VICKI You SCUM! You SICK FILTH!... You DID THAT to her! JOKER What? I improved her a little... VICKI I'll see you burn. I'll see you dead. -- GET AWAY FROM ME!! JOKER Miss Vale, was it something I said? (brightly) Do you want to sniff my flower? VICKI NO! JOKER Come on, Miss Vale... STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES!! JOKER (cont.) ... YOU!! JOKER (cont.) GET 'EM!! GET 'EM!! BATMAN GET IN THE CAR! VICKI WHICH CAR? VICKI (cont.) ... Oh. BATMAN Ignition! COMPUTER Ignition. JOKER I WANT HIM!! I WANT HIM!! VICKI Look! Police! BATMAN I called them. VICKI Shouldn't we -- GOON There they are! Dead ahead! JOKER ALL UNITS! SOUTHBOUND ON RIVERVIEW! VICKI What about her? What about the girl? BATMAN He won't kill her. (gritting his teeth) GODDAMMIT! VICKI Can't we -- BATMAN Too many people. Come on! (as she scrambles out) SHIELDS!! COMPUTER Shields. GOON AT WHEEL Are they ours? JOKER ... I don't know. We'd better get out of here. (into RADIO MIKE) Westbound on 36th. DO YOU COPY?? GOON I We got 'em! JOKER (V.O.) (over radio) Take 'em! I want his head! BATMAN How much do you weigh? VICKI ... A hundred and eight? BATMAN HANG ON! BATMAN (cont.) Whatever happens -- DON'T LET GO!! GOON I ... No blood. GOON II Jesus. GOON III Wait a minute. GOON IV ... What is that? GOON III Some kind of body armor. GOON I He's human after all. -- Take that mask off. GOON I Well?... Who is this guy? GOON II I dunno. You seen him before? GOON III Maybe he's got some kind of I.D. GOON IV Good idea. Let's check his wallet. GOON I We'll worry about it later. Plug him.(beat) In the head. GOON III Goddam, it's the redhead! GOON II Did you hit her? GOON I Who cares? Wax that freak. BATMAN ... Not even a 'thank you'? VICKI Well -- I think you might consider thanking me. You were good as dead. BATMAN That's because you lied about your weight. (a long pause) Thank you. BATMAN (cont.) I'll have to ask you for that film. VICKI I just wanted to distract them. I wasn't trying to get a picture of you. BATMAN Please. VICKI I won't let you have it. VICKI (cont.) I know you can break my neck and take it. But the Joker's on that same roll. I -- BATMAN The Joker is a murderer. And you were as good as dead. So -- VICKI Look, I appreciate what you did for me. But this is my job. And I'm keeping those pictures. BATMAN All right, here's a compromise. I'll develop the photos. You keep the Jokers and I'll keep the rest. VICKI How do I know you won't keep them all? BATMAN Because I'll take you with me. BATMAN (cont.) Thank you, Vicki. VICKI ... Where are you going to take me? BATMAN Shields open. COMPUTER Shields open. BATMAN (V.O.) (over radio) Ignition. COMPUTER Ignition. COP There's somebody in there! BATMAN STOP! VICKI ... How long have I been out? BATMAN Quite a while. I took the scenic route. VICKI (gazing around her) Well, I've certainly enjoyed it. What's that? BATMAN Garage door. VICKI I meant to ask you. Up on the roof -- how did you know my name? VICKI (cont.) I'm serious. How did you know? VICKI What is this stuff? Kevlar? BATMAN Better. It's not on the market yet. VICKI It doesn't protect your head, though. BATMAN That's why I wear a target on my chest. VICKI How'd you find this place? BATMAN Stumbled across it when I was a boy. BATMAN (cont.) They don't come down here. They're afraid of the lights. VICKI I don't like bats. Not that kind. BATMAN They used to terrify me. But I forced myself to keep coming back, and -- (smiling) -- I guess I became the thing I feared the most. I'll do your photos now. VICKI Who pays for all this? BATMAN I have sponsors. VICKI The computers? BATMAN I'm running a check on the tainted products. There is a pattern. Beauty products. Personal hygiene. VICKI No more makeup. -- Looks like we'll all be showing our true faces now. BATMAN I've tracked all the records. Every shipment, every warehouse, every loading dock. Nothing. No opportunities for tampering. Somehow the Joker is supplying tainted ingredients... at the source. VICKI Wait. You can just tap into any corporate database you want? Anywhere? BATMAN Oh, no. I let the FBI do that. Then I tap into the FBI. -- Your photos are ready. VICKI You could've killed him, you know. You could have killed the Joker. BATMAN I had to save you, Vicki. (turning to face her) Here you go. I think I'll let you keep the whole set. BATMAN (cont.) Care for an autograph? VICKI ... Bruce? BATMAN Are you talking to me? BATMAN (cont.) Maybe we've had enough for one night. I'll take you home. BATMAN (cont.) Do you want to do it this time? BATMAN (cont.) Don't be afraid. I'm here. BRUCE (V.O.) Vicki... ? BRUCE Vicki, I've been thinking about you. (long pause) I know it's late. I'm sorry. I -- Are you there? VICKI Yes, Bruce -- I'm here -- BRUCE I'm sorry about the way things went between us. I'd very much like to see you again. VICKI Well, Bruce... I don't think... that would be possible. BRUCE I wish you'd reconsider. (groping) I didn't stand you up today. The museum was closed when I got there. VICKI I, uh... BRUCE (V.O.) Vicki? Vi -- KNOX Vicki, it all fits. The stuff you're telling me -- the car, the equipment -- somebody's paying for it. VICKI I just can't -- KNOX The FBI. You know who's got the FBI computer contract? Wayne Technologies. (shaking his head) The guy's bats all right. He's bat shit crazy. This is gonna be the most incredible -- VICKI But he's not. KNOX Not what? VICKI He's not crazy. KNOX Vicki. We got a wealthy millionaire here... who dresses up like a bat. He goes out at night and swings around -- in his cape -- on a rope. (throwing up his hands) Okay. Maybe I'm crazy. VICKI Allie... he wants to tell me. That's why he took me there. Because he's trying to tell me. KNOX Gimme a break. If he wants to chat, he can talk to his car. VICKI He has to tell someone. And I'm the one. He's trying to tell me. KNOX Well, when he does you know my number. BRUCE Don't sell. It won't last. We'll ride it out. WAILING COLLEAGUE ... a nine-million-dollar bath! BRUCE (the familiar rasp) Vicki?... This is Batman. I thought I'd call and see how you're doing. VICKI (hesitantly) ... I know it's you, Bruce. I'm not going to talk to you unless we can discuss it. BRUCE (a little smile) Who's this "Bruce"? Are you trying to make me jealous? VICKI (V.O.) (filter) I'm serious, Bruce. We have to -- FINANCIER Hi, Bruce. DENT ... We deal. ADVISER Harvey, please. I mean -- (shaking his head) If your first official act as D.A. is to cut a deal with a terrorist... DENT Screw that, Ed. We've got a market panic of national proportions. -- We've got 786 people dead. (beat) I won't sacrifice one more life for the sake of appearing strong. POLITICO Harvey's right. We've got the 300th anniversary gala coming up. The networks won't even send in a crew. ADVISER Harvey, the police are working round the clock, the feds are coming in. This thing could break any minute now. (turning) Tell him, Jim. GORDON Cut the deal. NEWS ANCHOR ... at City Hall, where the mayor is waiting to open negotiations with the clown-faced terrorist known as the Joker. It is now eight minutes past the appointed deadline, and still no word from -- REPORTER I Look at 'em sweat. Can't wait for the next Gallup Poll. REPORTER II Hey Knox, cheer up. It ain't the Batman but it's pretty choice. JOKER Joker here. Can we talk? MAYOR "While this administration remains vehemently opposed to terrorism in any form, we are prepared to negotiate any reasonable demands which will guarantee the safety of the populace." JOKER Huh. Demands. Well, gents, this is kinda embarrassing, but... I'm having such a swell time, I just haven't thought any up. JOKER (cont.) But I'm a reasonable fella. If you want to make me an offer... MAYOR All right, all right. Here's the deal. Total amnesty... and the sum of ten million dollars, payable in -- JOKER Ten million dollars. Ten million dollars. (flying off the handle) Ten mi-- YOU CHEAPSKATES! I've just wiped out the stock market. I've cost you billions! (petulantly) I want ten million and one. MAYOR No, wait, please! We'll talk. Just tell us what you expect. JOKER Goddammit, I expect to be treated like an ARTIST. GET OFF MY SCREEN!! JOKER (cont.) I might just think up some demands. And I'm gonna talk to all my friends, and see what they want, too. And then maybe we'll get together -- have a little party -- exchange presents. (waving goodbye) Happy Birthday, Gotham. ALFRED (V.O.) (through loudspeaker) Yes? KNOX Alexander Knox. Gotham Globe. ALFRED (V.O.) Mr. Wayne is out for the day. KNOX Actually, I wanted to talk to Batman. Pass that on to Mr. Wayne, would you? BRUCE I've been expecting to hear from you. KNOX Well, that's how it is, chum. She tells me everything. BRUCE What is it you want? KNOX Simple. You know the score. One column -- and I can bring all this tumbling down. I can take you off the streets once and for all.(a shaky pause) I want you to hang up the suit. And I want you to stay away from Vicki. BRUCE I can't do that. Not while the Joker's still out there. KNOX Then stay away from Vicki. That's all I want, man. I just want your word. KNOX (cont.) See, I don't know how it happened -- she's a smart girl and you are an extraordinarily screwed-up guy -- but she's in love with you. BRUCE There's something I don't understand. If you've got the story, why haven't you printed it? KNOX Because I -- (beat) Because she'd never speak to me again. KNOX (cont.) Come on, Bruce. Be straight. What have you got to offer? You gonna marry her? Batman and Mrs. Batman? (laughing bitterly) Gimme a break, huh? Who's gonna be Best Rodent? BRUCE Do you want a drink? KNOX Yeah, a drink. "Civilized."Man-to- man, right? BRUCE Alfred, bring something for Mr. Knox. -- I'll have one too. VICKI ... So we just pretend none of this ever happened. We never met. We -- (frightened) You're going to get yourself killed, Bruce. You know that, don't you? BRUCE It wouldn't matter much. VICKI I don't understand it. You can do so much good for people. As Bruce Wayne. BRUCE Money makes money, Vicki. The foundation runs itself. -- I'm extraneous to the process. VICKI You're one man. You can't save everybody. BRUCE What it I could save a handful? -- What if I could save one? VICKI Bruce, at the rate you're going, you can't even save yourself. BRUCE (staring right at her) Sometimes... I don't know if there's enough of me left to save. VICKI Oh, God. I've got to have some coffee or something. BRUCE Are you expecting anyone? BRUCE (cont.) Who's there? DELIVERY BOY Package tor Miss Vale. BRUCE Set it down by the door. On the left-hand side. VICKI BRUCE! VICKI (cont.) It's just like the last time. He sent me a present before he -- BRUCE Very thoughtful. Don't touch it. VICKI Oh, Bruce. Don't tell me you carry it around with you. BRUCE I feel naked without it. BRUCE (cont.) Not a bomb. But it could be rigged. Wait in the next room. BRUCE ... They're wax. VICKI "It worked for Van Gogh. Let's make up. I'll need you soon." -- Whew. BRUCE (lost in thought) That does it. It's going to be this weekend. ALICIA I thought you ought to know -- he's coming for you... BRUCE Keep her on the line! VICKI ... Where are you calling from? VICKI I'm sorry, she hung up. What are -- BRUCE Finding out where she is. VICKI How can you do that if she's already off the line? BRUCE I've had an automatic tracer on this number ever since he tracked you to the museum. BRUCE Got it! VICKI What now! BRUCE Hang on. I have to leave a message. THUG I Hi, Miss Vale. Let's not put up a fight, huh? 'Cause we'd hate to have to -- BRUCE There's a garage in this building? BRUCE (cont.) I've got to take him out now. BRUCE (cont.) Pick an apartment and stay there. And listen: call the police. Give them that address. Every available man. BRUCE Oh, hell! GOON Hey, boss, something's up. The elevator's working. JOKER DAMMIT! You can't get good help these days. -- Let's move out. JOKER Slow down, you maniac! DRIVER Boss! Jesus! They've -- JOKER They'll be sorry. They'll be sorry. -- GET OUT OF HERE! JOKER MOVE! Can't you do something?? DRIVER It's some kind of detour. They're backed up for blocks! JOKER Oh my God. How does he do it... ? EMCEE -- the most spectacular, most death- defying aerial stunt ever devised. Tonight -- for the first time anywhere -- THE FLYING GRAYSONS! PILOT Ready to go, Dick? DICK What's all the ruckus down there? JOKER Head for the truck! JOKER I love fireworks! DICK NO! NOOOOOOOO!!!! DICK LET ME GO! LET ME -- DICK (cont.) YOU PIECE OF -- YOU MOTHERF-- JOKER Like your boyfriend. He's kinda hot. (glowering at BATMAN) Hands off the belt. BATMAN Take me. Let the boy go. JOKER Gosh, I could kill you, but then you'd miss my party. And I'd be real, real sad if you couldn't make it. BATMAN What are you talking about? JOKER Batman! Don't you even recognize your old pal Jack? After all...(cackling insanely) You made me what I am today. DICK HE KILLED MY PARENTS! HE KILLED MY -- REPORTER ... on a tip attributed to the mysterious Batman. The apartment was booby-trapped with the Joker's laughing gas, leaving 17 policemen dead. (beat) Also found dead at the scene was Alicia Hunt, 26, a former model -- DICK ... Where am I? BRUCE My name is Bruce Wayne. You're welcome to stay here as long as you want. DENT We'll send a team into Ace the moment the warrant comes through. BRUCE He'll be ready when you do. Remember what happened at the apartment. DENT All right, Bruce, what do you suggest? BRUCE I suggest a nice big bomb. DENT Good. A bomb. On a blind tip from Bruce Wayne. -- We do have laws. BRUCE Then for God's sake, Harvey, cancel the anniversary celebration. DENT We've told him we'll deal. What could he possibly have to gain by -- BRUCE Do you still think the Joker cares about money?? DENT I don't know. I'm just a D.A. I don't have access to all your expert sources. DICK ... Your butler wouldn't gimme a ride so I figured I'd hoof it. BRUCE Sorry. I can't let you leave. DICK You can't keep me here, man. That's kidnapping. BRUCE If I let you leave, you'll do the same thing again. You'll go after the Joker... and you'll wind up dead. (turning to go) DICK Hey, man. Look at you. You're rich. You got everything you want. How do you know what's in my mind? BRUCE I don't care what's in your mind. You're staying. DICK ... You're him. ALFRED (V.O.) FREEZE! BRUCE It's all right, Alfred. Everything's under control. ALFRED ... Very good, sir. JOKER Thankya, thankya. Ladies and germs, I'm here to tell you... we have had one helluva quarter. JOKER (cont.) Panic's up. Terror's up. And fear -- fear's gone straight through the roof. You guys should be proud -- 'cause I couldn'ta done it without each and every one of you! JOKER (cont.) I feel it's time to expand the Joker line. I was askin' myself, what are the products that every consumer wants most? And that's when it hit me: the water you drink, and the air you breathe! Huh? Bingo! (strutting across stage) Now, some of you have your eye on the profit margin. You're thinkin': this boy's too ambitious. You don't approve. In fact, some of you have been talking about turning me in to the cops. Or knocking me off. JOKER (cont.) But that's okay. I understand. Not everyone shares my eye for beauty. And just to show there's no hard feelings, I'm throwin' a little shindig tonight -- and you're all invited! JOKER (cont.) How 'bout it? IS EVERYBODY HAPPY?? JOKER Look at that, folks. We got 'em rolling in the aisles! BRUCE All this apparatus, Vicki... this house, and the money, and the power... it was never mine. It was something I inherited. Bruce Wayne was something I inherited. (pause) All I ever hoped for was someone who could see through Bruce -- who could see me -- and not be frightened. VICKI I'm not frightened of you, Bruce. I'm frightened for you. BRUCE In all these years... why couldn't I see how it would turn out? BRUCE (cont.) I'm responsible, Vicki. If it wasn't for me, there'd be no Joker. BRUCE Where's the boy? ALFRED Upstairs. He's quite docile. BRUCE I know that feeling. It won't last. BRUCE (cont.) He's a long way ahead of where I was at his age. (taking ALFRED'sshoulders) I want you to treat him just as if he were me. Promise. ALFRED Yes, sir. BRUCE He'll be taken care of financially. Beyond that... you know what to do. Don't let all this go to waste. BRUCE (cont.) Alfred? -- Thank you. DISPATCHER Boston, Philly: loading bay one. COMPUTER ... Detonate. COPGood Lord! GOVERNOR GILROY As Governor of this great state, it is now my honor to unveil for you a very special lady -- a lady who stands tall for life and liberty -- America's favorite lady... LADY GOTHAM! JOKER (V.O.) HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Gotham. Here's a little token of my esteem. HAVE FUN... 'cause THE PARTY'S ON ME! KNOX VICKI! KNOX (cont.) Couldn't turn down the job, huh? A girl could get hurt this way. VICKI Yeah. Deja vu. KNOX What do you say? Let's head for the lights. KNOX So much for Underdog. VICKI ALLIE!! THE WINDOWS!! KNOX WHAT HAPPENED?!? VICKI Oh my God. Compressor tanks. He's got the balloons rigged with compressor tanks!! KNOX Jesus Christ, the guy's a genius. VICKI LOOK! IT'S BRUCE!! (frantically) Allie -- the balloons. We've got to find some way to tell him! KNOX Great. How?? KNOX (cont.) COME ON! KNOX GIMME A HAND UP HERE! JOKER No... NOOOOO!!! JOKER There. There. -- GET 'EM!! KNOX GET THE CAR! KNOX HOLY SHIT!! VICKI You okay? KNOX Yeah. Yeah. Little winded. DID YOU SEE THAT?! VICKI (laughing wildly) God yes, Allie. I've gotta say -- that was the ballsiest move I ever -- KNOX (ecstatic) Holy shit. Holy -- VICKI ALLIE!! KNOX Jesus, Vicki. JOKER He'll be back... he'll be back!! JOKER You do him. I'm outta here. VOICE Yo. DICK HEY! COME ON! DICK Now we're even, huh? Even up. BATMAN How did you... DICK I hitched. MOVE IT! BATMAN The Joker. Is he --? DICK Forget it. Relax. (beat) ... He's mine now. BATMAN DICK! JOKER Gotham cathedral. Come and get me. JOKER I'm in the belltower. Don't land. PILOT E.T.A. two minutes. Hang on. JOKER ... Batman? JOKER (cont.) Batman? Batman? JOKER (cont.) I thought you'd be more comfortable here in the belfry. (chuckling to himself) Before I kill you I'd like to see who you are. Would that be okay? JOKER (cont.) Oh my, aren't we pretty. (brightening suddenly) I know you! You're the rich boy!! JOKER (cont.) My goodness, what in the world made you do it? It must've been something pretty terrible! JOKER (cont.) You know, we should've sat down and had us a little heart-to-heart. I bet we would have got on famously. BATMAN Mad... man... JOKER Well now, you're not exactly the picture of mental health, are you. BATMAN ... Murderer... JOKER Bruce, we're both murderers. Think how many people you've killed by letting me live. JOKER (cont.) I have to do it now, Bruce, but it won't even hurt. Now relax. The bat's in his belfry, all's right with the world... JOKER (cont.) Why, Bruce... JOKER (cont.) IT'S NOT FUNNY!!! BRUCE No... sense... of humor? CO-PILOT PULL UP!! PULL -- ANCHORWOMAN As the details of the Joker's heinous plan become known, a city's gratitude goes out to the mysterious Batman. His whereabouts remain unknown, but Batman -- if you're alive -- if you're listening -- thank you. VICKI I loved you too. ALFRED No, Mr. Wayne is in Thailand. I'm afraid he's quite unreachable. VICKI I don't know why I'm doing this. I half wish you'd stay a cripple. BRUCE Ohhhh... you don't mean that. VICKI (grasping for words) I don't, but... I do. It's just... I love you, Bruce. I -- BRUCE (taking her hand) Vicki. Do you love half of me? Or all of me? VICKI I guess you did it, didn't you. You saved everyone. (pause) Almost. BRUCE I don't know how to explain this so it makes sense... but you saved me.