51.txt

“I think that’s going to have to be it for tonight Claire.” Rae stretches out beside me, we have been sitting on my bed watching another video about history. That was a lot. “I should probably be getting out soon.”

I think I can catch just a glimpse of a chain on her neck as she cranes her neck and reaches her arm high and tight. Please be wearing it.

“I suppose.” That must sound like pouting, but I hardly want her to leave.

Rae’s face scrunches, “I'll be back tomorrow.” She offers. It did sound like pouting.

“I’ll be fine.” 

“You need anything else?”

“I can think of one thing.”

“Oh?”

“Yes.” I grab her by her collar and pull her close, she is surprised initially but grins as I pull our faces close. Not even an inch apart I say, “I want a goodnight kiss.”

Her eyes twinkle, and her grin grows, “I might be able to help with that. Maybe .”

“Shut up and kiss me you rube.” I push forward and close my lips on hers before she can say anything else silly. Not that I don’t appreciate her wit, but those lips should be kissing me.

She quickly falls in step and we move in tandem. I start to pull myself on top of her, resting on her lap and I deepen the kiss more. My tongue seeks out hers and we moan. My hands aren’t idle, and I run them up her body causing her to shiver. With a bit of clarity I run a hand over the back of her nape, searching… yes the chain. She’s wearing it.

Perfect.

Goodness, that makes me feel giddy.

“Ten seconds is the limit while I’m in the room you horn dogs.” Catherine’s voice calls out from across the room. I can't see her, she must be laying on the sofa.

Right .

Rae breaks away, and looks embarrassed. It was getting good too . “Could you stay the night?”

Claire!

Rae looks extremely sheepish. “Sorry.” She squeaks out.

“No. No I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be asking that sort of thing of you.”

“No, but… it’s fine. I need to get going for real though.” She’s deflecting but I’m not going to pressure her either. And she does need to get back and attend to her own matters.

Why do you keep doing this to her, Claire?

“Yes, of course. Let me know when you make it back safely.”

She chuckles, “Of course. I always do.”

“Thank you.”

We share a smile, there is a part of me that is always greedy for more. More time with her, more contact with her, more of everything. But I cherish every moment we have, without her this would be dreadful. But with her, it’s bliss. I just want to make her happy.

We rise and Rae gathers her things and I help her to the door. “Okay, so I think we have one more video to get through and maybe we can like, review after that. Sounds good?”

“That sounds perfect. Thank you again.”

“Oh, well no problem.” She smiles like a fool. My fool.

“Good night Rae.”

“Good night Claire.” She stands there awkwardly before the door, and her face scrunches as she contemplates her next action. Without much warning, she darts in and gives me a kiss on the lips. It’s quick and she retreats back, her face is equal parts surprised and pleased. 

“GOODNIGHTCLAIRE.” She forces out through a cracking voice, and then practically throws herself out the door. I barely have time to register the action and the door falls back shut.

“Your wife is a Dork .” Catherine comments from the sofa, still hidden from sight, as usual. 

“Yes, she is lovely.”

“So how’s eastern history treating you?”

“Fascinating, complicated. A lot.”

“I bet, I’m glad Rae is doing it cause I could not.”

“You have done a good job with western history so far I believe.”

“Ah, credit to videos more than me, I’d be lost without those honestly. Anyways, fun stuff, we get to do the french revolution next week.”

“Oh…”

“Yah, it’s much bloodier than yours was. I… guess good job on that?”

“Yes, well Rae set so much in motion. Without her, I would probably be dead.”

“Yeah… anyways, it’s been what? Like almost two months now?” She asks, it sounds as if she is focusing more on the conversation now.

“I believe so, it’s odd how much has become routine now. I wasn’t expecting to… well acclimate so quickly?”

“You’ve done a pretty good job I’d say.”

“There's still a lot to go over.”

“Yeah, but we have time, and the important thing for now is to make sure you don’t flunk your course.”

“I did get an A minus on the last test we had.” Almost perfect .

Catherine gives me a thumbs up and sits up. “Great, smooth sailing so far. Man I thought more things would go wrong after Melia found out but so far no one else has clued in on it and you are learning everything you need.”

Except for Pepi.

“Why are you making that face?” Her eyes narrow. 

“What face?”

“Come on Claire, what did you do?” She's not let this go.

“NothiNG”

She does not look pleased.

Fine.

“I told Pepi.”

Her face scrunches. “Why?”

“She figured out that I didn’t remember things. I had to tell her something.”

Catherine sighs. “When did you tell her?”

“A few days ago.”

“And the fact that I haven’t heard about it till now… is good?”

“I think so, like I said, she had divined I didn’t remember our shared past. The question of how we met came up and Loretta really didn’t think too hard of it, but Pepi knew in the moment that something was wrong. And I had to explain, she’s still internalizing everything it means, but I think she took it well. I’m not too worried about it. We talked more since then, I think it’s made the fact I changed so much more palatable.”

Catherine starts to relax. “So… you’re not worried.”

“I wouldn't have told her if I didn’t trust her.”

“Okay… well, she is your friend.”

“And I knew her nearly our whole life.”

Catherine nods, “That’s still a really weird thing to think about. Have you heard anything from Melia yet about… y’know, anything?”

“Not much, we have had a few messages and we are planning to get together but… Mother is really busy. Sometimes it takes her a while to respond.”

Catherine nods her head, “Yeah, Melia deals with a lot, honestly I can’t even imagine what she has to deal with. Francois is a lot to deal with.”

“The business?”

“Yah.”

“What… is it exactly?”

Catherine makes a face, her brow goes high and eyes wide, “God, like I don’t really know how to condense that. It’s a luxury brand, I think way back it was stuff like clothes and fashion but in modern age it branched out more. It’s been your family's for a long time with your dad, but now your mom runs it cause… well you know . Anyways your mom’s been trying to reform it… like it’s got roots… god this is complicated, a lot of colonization stuff. She could explain it better than me, I’m sure she would like to tell you.”

“We have much to catch up on. So it grew on exploitation?” It hasn't been surprising to learn of all the unsavory bits of history. Nor our part in it.

“Yeah, I think your mom’s done a lot to be accountable, it’s been a long project that she started with your dad.”

“I think she always brought out the best in him, even when she was gone.”

“What… what was he like?” It's a delicate question.

“Very principled, he said Mother revealed the faults of nobility, and he couldn’t abide by it any longer. He worked for a long time to reform our country too. He did a lot to stoke rebellion from behind the scenes, and after our revolution he helped reform the country so all people were equal under the law. He had a soft side too, he was always quick to spoil me, and then our girls.” I can’t help but smile, “He was very good at picking out the right person. He trusted Rae, and I will always be thankful we were all a family together.”

“Don’t get too sappy on me, kay?” Catherine smirks and leans over the back of the sofa.

“Fine. How have you been? I hope we haven’t been too much to deal with.”

“It’s fine, as long as I don’t have to watch you to make out. Seriously, I mean it, please don’t do it with me in the room.” I know, she's always been averse to those sorts of… tendencies. It's hard to stop myself though.

“I have self control… it's just sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the moment.”

“ Sure .”

“You can’t be upset that I want to kiss my own wife?”

“You can kiss, it’s when you start trading saliva and are trying to eat her that I draw the line. Seriously, you're so thirsty.” Her brow arches.

“I can control myself.”

“ Sure. ”

I don’t need this.

A little laugh escapes me. “Fine. I’m going to do some more reading for fun.”

“Oh… didn’t you finish that manga… dungeon something?”

“Dungeon Meshi. And Yes. You should read my copy.”

Her face goes flat. “...No”

“Your loss.”

“What are you reading now?”

I find the book and pluck the first entry. “Pray Love, or more accurately, ‘Between Prayer and Love’, Rae just always called it Pray Love.”

 “Okay…?” She raises her brow again, “Why are you reading that?”

“Rae likes it, and if I read it I can read the stories she wrote herself based on it… her fan fiction.”

“You’re going to read your girlfriend's fics?” She's barely holding a smirk back.

“Of course.”

“I’m surprised she shared those with you.”

“Well…”

“ Claire …” She extends her hand, palm face up and open. 

“She told me all about them in our other life. I already know a lot about them.”

“How did you even find them?”

“Her friend Shiko sent me the address to the internet pages she published them on. And her Tumblr .”

Catherine snorts through her nose, “Oh god did you go through her tumblr?”

“I tried… it’s confusing. Even by Rae’s standards. I don’t understand so much of what I’m reading. There is so much slang and abbreviations, and it has a lot of her chaotic energy. I do adore it.”

“Did you make a tumblr account?”

“Oh… I could do that couldn’t I? I was just looking at hers.  I think she has been using it less as of late. If I’m understanding the dates correctly.  I think I found an entry about me before we talked.” This feels like such a delightful secret to share.

Catherine does not share in my enthusiasm. “Do I even want to know?”

“Give me a moment, I can find it.” I grab my phone and quickly trace me back through the page. Thankfully it’s not far in. I clear my throat.

“ Have you ever seen a girl, and just been like wow. She could kill me and that would be fu-... hot. Like she could hit me and I would say please, you missed a spot. God she’s so unreal when she walks around and radiates such a… sorry that is another curse, around energy and find out, but like I bet, no I know that she needs someone to love her. I could make her happy if I wasn’t chicken sh- ugh, but chances are she would make me worse. I would die happy either way . And then there are a few addition notes below, each with a pound sign-

“Hashtag.”

“Right, well I’m still learning. Anyways, Hashtag , It’s never going to happen. it could happen though. I would die if she talked to me honestly. She was too pretty. I have no chance. I would be happy to just be her footstool. God I wish I could actually talk to her though. I’m just going to simp in the shadows. My tsundere queen. ”

“Huh… wow. That’s… embarrassing .”

“It’s cute .”

“Look I know you’re real down for whatever it is that Rae is… but… I think you should ask her before you really go looking through that sort of stuff. Like she doesn't know right?” She almost sounds disappointed. 

“...No.”

“It’s like you are reading through her diary.”

“I… but isn’t this available for anyone to see?”

“Yes, but it’s not like someone could figure out who she is right? It’s anonymous. She doesn't want people to know it’s her right?”

“Her tumblr name is ‘bad woman make brain go brr’.”

“ Wow .” Catherine!

“It’s adorable .”

“God you are just as stupid as her, Whatever. I’m not trying to judge her, really. But I really don’t think she would be happy about you reading all this.”

She’s not wrong. That does sit uneasy in my stomach. It has felt like a diary in some parts, and I would have dreaded it if Rae read mine before I was ready to share.

“No… you’re right. I got caught up in the idea. And when Shiko shared it before… I didn’t think.”

“I mean you don’t know how a lot of things are right? Like just ask her, and don’t look more till then?”

“Yes you're right about that, I’ll hold off. It’s not like I lack for other things to do either. And I do want to read Pray Love, it was the impetus for all this in the first place. And maybe Rae will be more willing after that. I really do want to read her writing. But she seems scared to share it.”

“Yah… well I don’t know what to tell you.”

“I just… it would be too much. It’s hard to… pace myself with her.”

“I noticed… you really do like her.”

“Of course.”

“Yah, I just… I’ve never seen you like this.”

“I wish I could have… well whatever it was, sooner.”

“It’s not your fault… and it’s fine, honestly. Maybe all it took was you seeing her again. This is good, I like how things are now. You’re happy and it’s not tense anymore. I don’t feel like I’m on edge anymore around you.”

“I’m sorry that it was like that.”

Catherine waves a hand to dismiss the need for my apology. “Please, it’s not really your fault. Anyways I just want whatever this freaky little romance you are wrapped in is, I want it to work out for both of you. And Rae’s not always on the same page as you.”

“I wish she would talk to me more.”

“Sure, but you've known her for years, right? Decades. She’s known you for just two months now.” She’s right.

“You’re right. I can’t believe you are still giving me advice on how to deal with Rae.”

“Still?”

“Yes.” A little chuckle escapes, “Goodness, when our positions were switched, she was so much to deal with. She had no qualms yelling how much she loved me in front of everyone and everything. I didn’t know what to make of it, and I’m glad I had at least you to talk to about it.”

“I’m glad you’re here Claire.”

“Me too.” I lean down to the sofa and give her a hug. She feels a bit stiff.

A tenuous tap on my back, “That’s all you're getting.”

“I know, that’s fine. I’m going to get ready for bed.” I let her go and despite her awkwardness she looks content with a small smile.

“Sure, I’ma going do the same.”

I quickly change into night attire, brush my teeth and soon I am in bed. A soft buzz from my phone, it’s Rae.

I have traversed the treacherous evening and returned home safely.

Lol

Huh

That’s not a full sentence, and that’s a abbreviation?

Acronym

I wanted to try it out. Laugh out loud, correct?

Yes… are you really Claire?

Lol

Catherine? Did you steal her phone?

It's me you goof. Surely it’s not that odd that I want to try to adjust my vernacular?

When in Rome, right?

I said that correctly, right?

Lmao, yah you got it. Good pull.

Of course, this is me we are talking about.

:)

For wat its worth i like the way you text. It feels very you

Thank you dear, I care more about not standing out too much around others more than anything else. Catherine does say that I text like an old lady.

It’s totes adorbs

Thank you, don’t worry. I doubt I will be able to completely shift my habits when it comes to writing. I do have my standards.

I do have a slight confession.

That sounds maybe a little ominous

Not really

Okay maybe a little

Ummm

Did I so something?

I can fix thi what id I do?

Please wait

Sry

Thank you, sorry. I should have finished my thought before sending that last message, I’m still much slower at this than you. I wanted to say I picked up more reading material aside from Dungeon Meshi. And since I finished Dungeon Meshi last week I wanted to start it up. I got the first two novels for Pray Love.

There is a pause, did she walk away…? No she wouldn't. She’s thinking too much about this. I can feel it.

Rei, is that okay?

yes

sryy

totally 

why?

Because I wanted to read it too. You said it was a favorite of yours.

umm

yah

Is it okay If I read it?

I can’t tell you not to read it

However?

sry this

I wasn’t expecting this like it caught me offguard. Yes read it

Are you certain?

yes, umm, let me know what you think. And like it’s not really the best thing in the world.

like I don’t mean don’t read it

just like it is

it’s okay

I probably made it sound way better than it was

You actually complained about it a fair bit. That was your main impetus for why you wrote your prose for it.

Oh

I

yah that kinda tracks

I really enjoyed reading Dungeon Meshi and talking to you about it. And even if I don’t like this; which I doubt will be the case, but even if so I still would want to talk to you about it. Okay?

Yes

im like 2 parts really excited and 1 part really nervous

I hope you like it claire

I have a feeling I will enjoy it, you never steered me wrong with reading suggestions before.

<3

Good night Rei.

night Claire

With that I settle into bed and crack open the book. I can’t believe I can finally read this, after everything Rae has told me about it, about her personal fictions based on it. Her first one exploring a different conclusion, Praying for a Better Ending. Her delicious one, Lady Shouko’s Lover . I still remember the first night we tried out those fantasies. She looks so delectable in a collar and nothing else. Writhing as I press into her, twisting and squirming. Equal parts pain and delight.

And this time I can be the one to walk her through it. How tantalizing.

It starts off simple enough, the main protagonist has been accepted into a prestigious catholic school, a religion remarkably similar to the Spirit Church from Bauer. The protagonist is a devout follower but quickly her faith and preconceptions come into question as she realizes she has feelings for her upperclassman, Lady Shouku. Romantic feelings. Those feelings and faith are like water and oil.

I read through the first few chapters, the prose is a bit dry if I am being honest but the characters are excellent. I can see bits of Rae in the main character, she’s enthusiastic like her, and at the same time has trouble being honest. She struggles with what she wants and what she thinks she should do. A very familiar problem, and one I haven’t avoided either. Lady Shouko is almost exactly like I envisioned her, and then nothing like it. She is cool, detached, distant and seems cruel so far. I expect there is more to her, just given on what Rae has told me, and she feels so familiar. The duty of station and family weighs heavily on her it seems, it’s hard not to see elements of my younger self in her. She is cruel to the protagonist initially, but somehow that only seems to draw her in more. The first cracks on Shouko’s visage chip away at a tea party. Every girl was to bring their own desert, and the protagonist made crème brûlée.

Oh goodness I miss her crème brûlée.

The chapter ends with them talking, the first few sparks of a budding romance bounce between them. It’s delightfully cute.

But now I’m left with a deep craving for crème brûlée.

Rae said she doesn’t have the ingredients to make it. I could remedy that, couldn't I?

I could.

I can .

It doesn't take much to fetch my phone.

Lene, apologies for messaging so late, but would you be able to gather everything I would need to make crème brûlée from scratch for myself. All the ingredients and tools we would need, aside from the oven. No rush is required. I would greatly appreciate it, and let me know whenever it is convenient for yourself. Thank you.

The message is sent and already the anticipation is building. This has always been her favorite confection to make, she always cooks to wind down and she really could use it lately. To zen out , as she used to say. She needs it… and I won't lie, I really miss her treats.

Oh, this will be delicious .