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if i knew that i had made it by anything approaching to or to that reproach has been hurled at me he went on speaking very gravely but while i know that i am on the right track i can afford to let them say what they will and it is the opinion of such men as yourself which tells me definitely whether i am on the right track or the wrong one so that i thank you with all my heart for coming to night and still more for giving me the privilege of your presence privately and the encouragement of your good opinion on the whole the and mrs went home from s theatre that night extremely well pleased both with themselves and with everybody else as nice a young fellow said the as i have had the pleasure of meeting for many a long day simple minded modest and thoroughly l v heart and sword in a good position my dear if one may judge of a man by the company he keeps what me said mrs taking no notice of the s remarks is the wonderful way in which has taken her place in the world to see her to night in her little plain black frock without a jewel or even a flower sitting there the centre of everything the upon which everything turned with as embarrassment as you stand in your own pulpit my dear it is wonderful blood will tell said the yes evidently so for dear old miss was a lady a perfect lady if ever there was one and although little was brought up simply quietly and i may say even in little she is as dainty a little lady as ever drew breath i am sure when one thinks of that child making all that money fifty pounds a week it is extraordinary and thinking only of said the that is not wonderful said s mother no that is not wonderful it is very lucky for said the well yes it is returned his wife it is but it is very hard upon him to be out there and she here in england particularly when she is living such a life i mean such a life of interests of interests separate from his still said the my dear that is only for a time the boy will have his troop soon indeed as you know he may get it at any time so that we need not pity him too much of course it is hard for him to have to leave his young wife very very hard but it would be a great deal harder if he had to leave her as he might have had to do in less circumstances think if she had had to go out and earn her living as a a little supper after the play or something of that kind when he knew that all her toil meant toil with practically no return she might have had to do all sorts of things i mean work which would have been disagreeable and and practically without results oh i don t pity very much he will be back in next to no time and they will be as happy as you please when he does come meantime and the two girls had gone home to the together they always stayed with her but the and mrs preferred to go to their old quarters in a favourite hotel just off almost the same thoughts were flitting through s busy brain as were occupying her father and mother in law she could not help seeing how she had come in the light of an astonishment to mrs i suppose she thinks that i ought to be scared by the she said to herself and perhaps i ought to be but i m not not a bit rs said that i had no need to be scared by anybody and was quite right after all the couldn t play prudence at this point she was so intensely amused by her own thoughts that she burst into a peal of gay laughter violet woke up from a somewhat sleepy condition with a start what are you laughing at she exclaimed what is it i was thinking said that was all are you often taken that way asked the girl gaily no not often such thoughts don t often come to my mind do share them with us well said i was thinking how amazed your mother was to night with my self possession she looked as if she thought i ought to be scared by a real live and then the thought came to me that if she is a she couldn t play prudence v heart and sword for a moment there was silence then said quietly no but if she did everybody would go to see her and at this laughed more merrily than ever the following day the and mrs with to meet philip had duly impressed upon her mother in law the honour that this occasion conveyed to get mr to come to lunch to meet anybody said is simply what one may call the chance of a lifetime my dear said mrs i assure you i am not speaking with any exaggeration i never before what an enormous success i have had my dear you are quite foolish on the subject said the s wife with great dignity you only say that mrs because you do not understand the position that such a man takes in the world and i tell you it is perfectly true that it is the greatest compliment that mr knows how to pay me to accept an invitation to lunch especially on a week day you have never met him never excepting at your wedding when he barely spoke to me when you have done so you will understand where his | 30 |
extraordinary influence comes in why it is that people talk of him and think of him as if he were outside the pale of ordinary human beings as he is to this luncheon she had invited her own manager and sir john and lady and i am bound to say that mrs carried away with her as false an idea of the dramatic profession as she had indulged in during all her previous life she had up to the time of her daughter in law s first success regarded the stage as a a little supper after the play sort of social and by persons unfit for association with such august beings as herself after s supper and miss s luncheon party it must be confessed that mrs went back to her sphere with quite as an impression as she had held they were impressions as far apart fi om each other as the poles are asunder for her the theatrical world was from that time peopled with a new race a race courteous quiet unselfish even to her philip with his clear cut face was like some figure out of history in all her life before she had never seen such a man his great personal dignity his quiet reserve his manner the way in which he spoke always when he gave an opinion with the manner of a person who knew the wonderful fire of wit which passed between him and sir john was a revelation to mrs she had heard of wit but she had never known it before and somehow on that day she that there were heights which she could not reach somehow she felt that although they were i i excellent society at little all the well bom well placed people whom she knew were as nothing compared with these two able brains brilliantly together during that one short meal mrs that the elect are not necessarily of one tribe she began to understand as she heard her hitherto little daughter in law sending out quick brief flashes of wit like a tiny between the heavier swords of and sir john that to be of the elect you must be born but that your birth need not of necessity be noble i heard a great painter say once there are only two classes of society the aristocracy and us with mrs up to that time all society had been represented by one class of people the county heart and sword county not of the county in the county and not of the county she had recognised no wider lines in one week s visit to london she recognised the full social value of miss the chapter xvi captain s visit to s theatre gave that young man a new idea it happened during the few days following the memorable visit and supper party that several people inquired of him in a more or less manner as to whether the old parson had expressed any opinion on the morals of the play opinion he returned to each question by george but didn t he express an opinion he told me that it was the finest sermon he had heard preached for years you don t say so i well there s never any knowing what these will do or how they ll take things i should have thought that a cut and dried old chap like that would have taken the cut and dried line and all the old ideas about purity and such like i should get a few more if i were you it s wonderful the influence a parson has in a theatre far more than he has out of it and at that moment a new idea struck he was not a young man to let the grass grow under his feet and when a bright idea struck him he lost no time in carrying it into effect so from that moment any who arrived at s theatre were politely and firmly told that they would book them seats with pleasure but that mr captain did not take money from the clergy it was a clever move oddly enough the scheme never found its way into the press and many were the conjectures as to why the clergy had so thoroughly taken up the play of prudence what is there about it that all the black coats here said a man one night looking round the theatre there are seventeen here and they all seem to be thoroughly and enjoying the piece i shouldn t have thought it a play likely to attract however kept his own counsel and his guests did not betray him excepting to one another so the reputation of the piece grew and grew it seemed as if the public would never be tired of it and began to be called the of long runs and to acquire among her other jewels of reputation that of being a it seemed as if there could be no check to the of her career her great gift had carried her straight to the front and what was more kept her there the great success grew as only a great success ever can grow there was never a wiser saying than nothing like success so time rolled on and the play had been running for nearly six months and seemed like to run for six and twice six again this brought the time to the very end of the season when intended to close his theatre and to make a short tour through the provinces playing at a limited number of first class towns and taking a short holiday before opening again in london the first week in october by this time it must be confessed that was looking forward to a holiday with all her heart she had scarcely been a night out of the bill the part was an extremely and one the heat | 30 |
of that year was very heart and sword great and she began to think with a longing which was passionate of scotch of sea breezes of snow covered she had never been in she had not the least idea what the were like but such was the bent of her mind and at last they got to their closing week it happened one morning that went into the of her flat where her sister in law violet was reading her letters she was very pale and her face not much less white than the she was wearing you look like a ghost said violet cheerfully i feel like a boiled rag said promptly i will tell you what it is violet i want a holiday well you ll soon have one now yes i know try to make a good breakfast said violet cheerfully i believe that is one of the great secrets of keeping well you don t eat enough this looks awfully good she was a very and kind girl she poured out s coffee her into eating the told her one or two bits of gossip which she had gathered fi om her letters and to her generally in a way which made the feel years younger and pounds better then began in a kind of way to open her own letters while violet took up the newspaper and glanced at the contents they had not sat thus for more than two minutes when violet uttered an exclamation oh oh she said oh what s the matter said bad news no dear not bad news he s got his troop s face suddenly out to a fine hue oh she said with a sigh of relief then it won t captain be long before he will be home again oh how i wish he could come while i am free you will telegraph the news said violet telegraph i had i better oh yes i should he will know it sooner and when you are making arrangements every day is precious the result of this announcement and of the which was soon on its way to of his changed rank was that he hurried up his affairs so as to get home as soon as possible he had been so impatient to return to england that he had privately made all arrangements for himself as soon as he should be to his troop and by the time was free of her work and entered upon her holiday was due to arrive in his native land she went to town to meet him she went alone for as the time drew near for his arrival a curious took possession of her she felt as if she were going to meet a stranger some one whom she did not know and who did not know her and in a sense she was right personally was more attractive than ever the three years which he had spent in india had him to a fine copper tint he was broader than of old though still and lean in manner he had gained and it must be remembered that in manner had never been wanting he was intensely attractive and as saw him coming along the platform to meet her her heart gave a great sick throb of anxiety at an end and he thought her than ever you are just the same he kept on saying that first evening not a bit spoiled did you expect me to be spoiled she asked at last no not but i did think you might have ot heart and sword to look well i did think it possible that you might show the stage a bit more than you do in short you thought that you were coming back to somebody you would be thoroughly ashamed of oh my dearest i he exclaimed what nonsense how can you suggest such a thing even in jest he cried it was only that i didn t dare to think you would be so little altered as you are you who have made such a great name you who have gone to the very top of the tree as you have done i did not dare to think you would be just the same when i came back again it is the most wonderful thing to me i never dared to think that my wishes would so completely come true as that i should find you just as you were the same sweet little girl all of the country ah dear boy it is little enough of the country that i have had said she smiling at him you have longed for the country again oh yes in a way but i couldn t go back to little and exist as i used to do it would be impossible i have lived since i began to work she had a whole month of holiday before her a whole month in which she need think of nothing worry about nothing only give herself up to pure and absolute enjoyment it was like a new they went down to little for three or four days and then they went abroad for as said in the past her had been limited first by means and then by want of time and now that i have three weeks to spare do let us go and see something outside our own country it was of course all one to him where he went so long as he was with her they took their tour leisurely enough and few people who met them would have believed that this quiet looking soft eyed girl was the great s who had set england on fire practically they captain were during the whole of the time which as she explained to him was one of the advantages of her not having gone much into society which i think said he is | 30 |
rather a mistake on your part if you have the chance of going into good society the more you see of it the better not for an she said with decision and we are the benefit now in being left to ourselves i think that the most curious effect of his with upon was the fact that he had always to his plans and wishes to hers not that she was in the least bit never was anybody less so but for the last three years she had been in the habit of always settling all questions for herself and it had become a habit with her that she could not to the opinions or indeed to the wishes of others their very tour of course depended upon her engagement with and in a certain sense it fretted him that she had only three weeks at her disposal however they returned to london in time for her to attend the for the of the great play and for a whole week they went to a theatre every night for as said she had so little chance of seeing what others were doing that she had not the smallest chance of getting a from any one else he soon found that there was no going to other theatres or stirring in london without its being known that was miss the every evening in whatever theatre they went to held a little court between each of the acts and soon found that s world set but little store by him indeed he found himself continually to the back of the box with but scant ceremony and it was evident that the majority of men and ladies too who came to pay their court to believed him to be but some ordinary hanging on young man once or twice forgot to o heart and sword him or did not think those who came to visit her worthy his acquaintance and purposely omitted to make him known to them but on such occasions he was fretted beyond any words to express don t all these know that fm your husband he asked rather one night when several young men had reluctantly themselves off out of her box h no i don t suppose they do dear she you see they re not one s if i were to introduce them to you you might think it necessary to ask them to come and see us and that would be a great nuisance i will introduce anybody worth knowing to you but i don t like you knowing all sorts of people that you don t think it worth while i should know he objected she looked at him with mild surprise dear boy an can t help herself she said gently it cannot be necessary to your position that you should know all these people all these fellows no not to my position it is one of the accidents thereof she replied smiling but i them like this you know in a theatre i never let m cross my threshold i should have no peace of my life if i did never mind now dear the curtain is going up he leaned his arms upon the front of the box and fixed his vexed eyes upon the stage presently however his attention wandered to the below now who the devil is that sandy headed chap glaring at you he asked in a vexed oh be quiet said i can t look at everybody who at me dear old boy you will have to get used to people staring at me i never think about it she would not turn her head in the direction that ha captain i i indicated and when the curtain was lowered for the end of the second act he exclaimed aloud again by jove he s grinning at you now as if you were a little in a disgusted voice with a sigh turned her eyes towards the oh that s lord she said in a tone of relief at that moment lord bowed and rose in his stall in a couple of minutes he was knocking at the door of the box and had introduced him to her husband lord if young had still extremely good manners and he in spite of his dismay at finding that s soldier husband had actually appeared on the scene made several courteous inquiries with an apparent interest which he was very far from feeling but on the whole lord s visit a little he s not a bad sort of chap he remarked to her afterwards in tones of immense superiority to so young a man but all these common little city are too horrible you ought not to encourage them my dear said laughing outright two of those common little city were young men on very important newspapers and the actor or who can afford to disregard such as you call them does not yet exist i am obliged to be civil both for my own sake and for my manager s sake to every one of such people as those and besides that they are extremely nice and een extremely good to me and i must ask you to be exceedingly civil to every one of them it will do me inseparable damage if you are not it was the first time that she had spoken to him in such a tone and stared at her in astonishment he had the good sense however to see she s right in her attitude s ii i heart and sword by the of her society so he changed his tone and said oh of course if it is necessary that these people should be considered i will be civil to them but they don t strike me as being men of my own class or of yours and i do think and always have thought that it | 30 |
i have been a true and faithful and dignified wife she drew herself up and looked him full in the eyes with all the outraged pride of a wronged woman him to prove one against her honour you have no right to ask me to make any such sacrifice it is an unnecessary one if it prevented me from going into society you would be within your right because it would me as your wife but the society i frequent is as good as you will find in any regiment either at home or abroad the whole world is open to me the whole social world is at my feet to ask me to give up my great part is to seriously my career when we were married you undertook that my career should be as your wife i have been absolutely yours you left me here alone in london a mere girl practically without a friend to protect me because you would not sacrifice your career not by a step but by a little time only in gaining that step you hadn t been gone above a few weeks when you o wa heart and sword bargain you wanted me to throw up my career because because you didn t like india without me and now that you have come home you this preposterous proposal to me i i propose nothing said no no you don t i wrong you in saying so i pay you too high a you order me to abandon my great part well i am sorry to refuse you anything but to give up the part of prudence while the play is in full swing while i am welcomed in my theatre as you have heard me welcomed to night is beyond any reasonable order from a husband to a wife then you refuse i do refuse no she said putting up her hand as he was about to speak don t i pray say anything that you may be sorry for don t say anything that you cannot take back don t say what i see in your eye that if i won t do what you order you will go out of the house and wash your hands of me wait a few days to think it over see the play several times go down to little and see what your and mother have to say talk to other people go and talk to the men at your club but i entreat you for god s sake do not persist in a demand which will make a break between us if you cannot give up this one thing for me said he in stern and tones your love must be very small and worth very little you have no right to say that to me you have no right i might as well accuse you of having no love for me because i asked you for something absurd or preposterous which you could not give me i know perfectly well that it is because you love me and you love me too much that you look at this part in an exaggerated way you see everything in an exaggerated light out of all proportion to reason husband s rights i am asking you to wait until you have learned the verdict of the world until you have seen not only that i am honoured in my theatre but that i have my own place in society and in society that can never be anything of a to you i ask you to consult with your father and mother i ask you to do anything except to act on the impulse of the moment my dear i told you before ever i accepted the part that it was the part of a bad woman she is a bad woman a wicked woman a bad woman with traces of good which shine out brilliantly at the end as they sometimes do in real life she is not an woman and there can be no more real shame in playing such a part or rather i should say there can be no more necessity for shame in playing such a part than there would be in playing lady she was bad if you like you would not object to my taking the part of lady but she was bad cruel treacherous and hesitated at nothing not even murder at all events promise promise me that you will wait and think before you do anything that will wreck our happiness he could not help being touched at her earnestness and her evident anxiety that nothing should come between them he had not in the least altered his opinion but he could not help feeling that in a sense she had right on her side he turned away enough i don t want to quarrel about it he said at last a passionate retort rose to her lips she almost choked herself to keep it down we won t quarrel she said in a curiously strained voice and then with one look at his averted head she turned and went out of the room she saw him no more that night if the truth be told he never even tried to sleep but he sat through the hours of the night smoking hard and thinking thinking with set teeth and moody eyes with hands and fury in his heart to think that his heart and sword wife should be hard set upon continuing to play in such a character it was hideous it was to him of course he had taken the wrong course he knew that he had put himself absolutely in the wrong but when morning dawned he was none the less determined that wife of his should never continue in the part of prudence he was not minded that the servants should find him sitting there | 30 |
in the dining room so he turned out the and going to his dressing room made hb toilet and disappeared out of the flat before the time for the coming of their early cup of tea and what of well she had wept and cried during most of the night and towards morning she dropped into an uneasy slumber from which the arrival of the maid with her tea aroused her she woke as from a hideous dream but alas there was no to greet her she was alone alone with her thoughts and dreary company they were her state of mind was curiously mixed she felt on the one hand grief and distress at not being able to do instantly what he wished on the other the of his wishes oppressed her she was grieved that he should have looked at the part of prudence as he had done and she was at the same time dimly conscious that there were in his character which had come as an overwhelming surprise to her it should not have been altogether surprising to her for more than three years her ideas had been by leaps and bounds his if they had changed at all had been as she lay there physically and mentally exhausted this knowledge came to her with a kind of pang to think that her sweetheart her husband should be so completely given up to outward as he was the dislike he had shown to the part of prudence was not the first time that those had struck her by no means husband s rights or i should more truly say it was not the first time that she had been made aware of in his character they struck her now with force and the various instances which before she had but barely noticed all seemed to crowd in upon her plainly visible and by the light of this new and surprising attitude of his his objection to her showing civility to men on the press his of the interest she excited his evident desire that she should be a mere bread and butter sort of wife it was all irksome and hateful to hen she wondered where he had gone she wondered in a dim hurt kind of way whether he had left her whether he had shaken the dust of her dwelling from off his feet and turned back upon her for ever she was due at the theatre at twelve o clock and she rose presently and made her toilet driving down to the theatre as usual in her little which was one of the few luxuries to which she was accustomed to indulge herself just at the entrance she met who had got out of a cab a moment previously hey day said he looking at her why this white ce and anxious look miss the kindness of his tone caused the tears to brim over in s eyes instantly i want to speak to you alone she said with quivering lips why what has happened he exclaimed he led her away into his private room and closed the door behind him surely nobody has been giving you bad notices much worse than that said with a sigh and then she told him what had happened the previous evening well with all due deference to you my dear miss he replied i am sorry to say that i think i heart and sword your husband a fool i know that is very strong language to use to a lady about her husband but you cannot break your engagement to me you are engaged to me for the run of the piece you cannot show that you are in ill health and what hundreds of have approved is not the class of piece upon which your husband will be likely to receive any sympathy in a court of law you would go to law she said indeed i would i would not only go to law but i would you from appearing in any other theatre while prudence is running i should lay claim to very heavy and i should make excessively disagreeable and let me tell you with all kindness because you and i have worked together very well without a single ruffled moment so far as i am aware that your life would not be worth living i should be perfectly and absolutely within my rights and i would use those rights to the utmost i would do it not against you because i think you are one of the truest artists and one of the best comrades i have ever known and i have the greatest respect for you but i would do it as a warning to the husbands of other to show them that they cannot play fast and loose with their wives arrangements as your lord and master seems to think he can do you had better send him to talk to me he is not the sort of person that you can send here there and said h isn t he well at all events advise him to come and talk the matter over with me advise him to do this as the best course a reasonable person could take i am afraid he and then she stopped short and looked at with a face oh you think he isn t reasonable it s a pity he husband s rights didn t stop in india you were very happy without him indeed i wasn t indeed you were why since he has been back in england you have looked as i have never known you look why didn t your welcome last night please him what more did he want he didn t like the part he has absolutely forbidden me to appear in it again but you refused to with that wish of course yes i refused said why his own | 30 |
to sixty said to give up sixty pounds a week such a position as she has made i it s preposterous it s flying in the face of providence upon my word i don t understand you the old was quite pathetic in his dismay it is an infamous part said between his teeth and no money could pay any woman for undertaking to play it she is my wife and i take it that no husband who really cared for his wife or his own reputation could wish her to continue to herself and him in any such exhibition the sat for a moment positively stunned by this expression of opinion well he said at length in a very mild tone i don t know whether it is that you know so much more of actual wickedness than i do but that view of the part never presented itself to me before i suppose my dear when you get to my time of life and have sons of your own if ever you do that you will find that they they cry peace i peace i will regard you as an old fool who has gone about the world for sixty years with his eyes shut i have seen your wife little several times in the play of prudence i have discussed it with many other people including several we may all be blind fools who do not know what wickedness is but i have not recognised any degradation or any shame in this play your wife is good to the very inmost core of her soul nobody who knows her nobody who has ever talked to her could believe otherwise she has most of the time that you have been away from her very away from her if you will allow me to say so had the company of your sisters and her reputation is is is is as as your mother s higher honour than that i cannot find words to express prudence is the portrait of a bad woman a very bad woman but i must remind you that there are a great many wicked people in the world wicked people with whom we associate every day of our lives or with whom we may associate every day of our lives and whom we cannot openly accuse of their wickedness we know it and to use a humble phrase we lump it we wink at it we shut our eyes where it is convenient to our business or to our social position to do so this girl in the play is bad she is audacious her wicked thoughts and her wicked deeds are laid bare very bare before you but i cannot see there is any degradation to in being the of such a part it is a part which makes a huge bid for good a huge lesson against evil of course she is not willing to give it up willing she refuses absolutely i am not surprised said the i think to expect a girl who has gone so completely by her own efforts to the very top of the tree in such a short time because after all she is but a girl still to give up such a part in the very flood tide of her success and her heart and sword is a thoroughly and utterly unreasonable wish you you should talk to your mother about it your mother understands social questions no woman better talk to your mother about it my dear boy take counsel of her she is a wise woman and a woman of the world see what she says but mrs gave her son no more comfort than the had done expect to give up the part she cried my dear boy i never heard anything so ridiculous in my life and she getting fifty pounds a sixty did you say i never heard anything so ridiculous degradation my dear boy she is hand and glove with the of what are you talking about infamous part nonsense your knows a great deal more about the effect of such representations upon the ordinary mind than you do and your father distinctly says that the play of prudence is one of the finest sermons he has heard preached for many a year indeed in his life if you persist in any such ridiculous demand to you will wreck your happiness as sure as you are alive i never heard anything so ridiculous in my you would not mind one of my sisters playing the part well said mrs with great dignity if you had asked me five or six years ago whether i should like to see my daughters on the stage i should have said no i should have said no with no hesitation whatever but one lives and as one grows older one grows wiser and more or it is a pity that we go on living since i have seen in your dear little wife what an is and what an can be i have completely changed my opinion of the stage and of the dramatic profession when i think of that dear girl little more than a child so bravely making her own way they cry peace peace i so her own honour and the honour of your name i marvel alike at her bravery and at her courage mind you i am not speaking of her gift as an that was born in her for that there is no credit due to her admiration and many advantages to her because of that gift and for that she is not responsible but for the upright modest gentle and life which she has led for her sweet and disposition for her goodness of heart her beautiful behaviour towards us one must give her the personal credit which | 30 |
is due the credit due not to gift but to genuine goodness even then he was not altogether convinced on his return to town the following afternoon he went to his club before going home to the and there he met with a man who did not happen to know that he was the husband of the old chap said this friend i thought you were in the shining east i was said but i have just exchanged and am on leave you don t say so couldn t stand it eh no i hated india after the first novelty had worn off i see so should i if all i hear about it is true but i don t intend to try it how long have you been in town this time only a few days said ah have you seen prudence yes wonderful play isn t it i suppose it is you suppose that sounds as if you didn t like it surely you admire her yes i admire her said do you by jove that i do a genius she is i la heart and sword would you like to see your wife play such a part asked abruptly my wife well i haven t got a wife and i am told miss has got a husband somewhere in the background which is a pity if i had a wife who could play such a part you d like it by jove that i that i would well i don t said shortly you don t what do you mean just this that miss is my wife miss your wife i say old fellow you shouldn t have let me talk about your wife and not stop me you re quite right i shouldn t i beg your pardon i beg your pardon i was absolutely in the wrong i wasn t trying to catch you out i was thinking wholly and solely of my own business i came home from india a little while ago and i confess that proud as i am of my wife s talents i don t like to see her in the part of prudence my dear fellow i never spoke to miss in my life but if such a woman as she is by her beauty and such a woman as she is by her genius and such a woman as she is by goodness were my wife i should think myself the devil in the three you don t know when you are well off perhaps i don t that s my feeling anyway my father says i m a fool my mother puts it less plainly but quite as forcibly and perhaps i am wrong don t keep it against me that i asked you a question and left you in the dark it would have been mean of me if i had had any motive less personal than i had old chap good bye he strode out of the club and down the broad steps into the street went to the window and stood they cry peace peace looking after him as he swung away along the pavement now what the devil has that fellow got in his head isn t she as straight as they make out what is it never used to be a particularly sort of chap i always thought that he was the typical wild parson s son there s a screw loose somewhere what the devil does it mean it was an thing for to have to go home to the and confess to that the counsel he had sought had been absolutely against him he was not a young man however to do things by he turned up half an hour before their usual dinner time arranged of course to suit her work and swung straight into the drawing room he said i ve been home i ve talked it over with my people and i ve asked the opinion of a man i met in the club a man who hadn t the least idea that you were my wife and they ve all gone against me i can t say that i have altered my opinion but doubtless my opinion is wrong so i have come back back to tell you that i wish i had not asked you what i asked you the other night we will agree to differ she was not enough to remind him that he had not put his wishes in the form of a request but rose up and came to him with open arms she said if you had held out against me it would have killed me i can say nothing else my dear i went to mr to try what i could do under no circumstances would he release me i couldn t pretend that i was in bad health i couldn t lie even to please you he would have stopped me from appearing in any other theatre while this play was running i should have got a bad name all over the profession it would have doomed me for ever i should have been a woman it would have been absolute ruin to i o heart and sword if you had been here and you had objected to the part you know that i would never have accepted it i had half a dozen other offers at the same time but having taken it having made it an enormous success i could not turn back it would mean giving up the stage altogether and since you have exchanged so as to be near me that would seem like madness she looked so sweet and she was yet so obviously dis and worn by the brief misunderstanding that his heart was melted he kissed her as passionately and as tenderly as he had ever done in his life told her that she | 30 |
was the light of his eyes called himself some hard names for having given her a moment s anxiety and so the breach was healed over and that night in her dressing room between the acts found time to write a letter to my most dear father and mother in law she said no words of mine can ever sufficiently express my gratitude to you for having convinced that it was not necessary for me to give up my part in prudence during the last two days i have been through the agony of a lifetime he has told me no details of his interview with you only that you took my side and that you convinced him that his wish that i should abandon my part was not a reasonable one how i bless you and thank you you will perhaps never know and i am sure that mr must feel the same because i went to him in my trouble and asked him whether it were possible that i could give up the part his reply was absolutely negative he told me in the of words that if i did so it would mean ruin both for him and for me ruin to him because there happens to be nobody else who can play such a part ruin to me because he would have to take proceedings against me a new phase of life i i which would damage me for ever in the eyes of all theatrical i think that is convinced of course in the future i should never dream of taking a part of which he did not approve because whatever duty i have to the stage i have first of all my duty to my husband i should not have accepted the part of prudence against his wishes but it was so difficult when he was in india and i had to decide things for i had no chance of seeking his advice because i never had the time to communicate with him i don t know if he told you that i am getting sixty pounds a week now is so awfully that i do not believe he thinks of the money at all and i i am getting a regular little jew i think i value the money because it will make such a difference to him but i value peace most of all because i should so have hated it to get into the papers that i had played a part for six months during my husband s absence of which he absolutely when he came home chapter xix a new phase of life after the healing of the breach over the part of prudence and had not very much time together as he had to leave london to go to north towers to join his new regiment his advent being the husband of the celebrated miss caused no little stir in both the garrison and in society which in is mostly you have heard said the colonel of the white horse to his wife on the evening of s arrival that the new man joined to day heart and sword oh really who is he i suppose that s the man in mr s place yes seems a nice young fellow big and dark and rather self contained what is his name ah rather a nice name not married of course the colonel laughed well he is and he isn t how he is married to miss the oh dear the lady s tone suggested calamity what a pity she added oh i don t know miss is not by way of being an ordinary she s a great swell then she ll expect me to call upon her oh yes you ll have to call upon her such a mistake said mrs with something approaching to a mixing things like this what did he want to marry an for i wonder i suppose my dear for the same reason that i wanted to marry you because he fell in love with her he might have fallen in love with a lady well he might i never heard a breath against her i believe she s all right it s a horrid play richard said mrs ah but she is very splendid in it at all events she is received in the highest society and it won t do to her in the regiment and more particularly will you have to set the example of calling upon her when she comes down here is she with him no she can t leave london yet his ther by the way is of perhaps then said mrs cheerfully she won t be here very much which will do away with a a new phase of life great deal of awkwardness i m sure people won t know how to take her no perhaps they won t said the colonel easily but they ll go a good bit by what you do and you ll have to be as nice as you possibly can to her yes i suppose i must but all the same it oh well you know richard it is very awkward and and all that sort of thing meantime was settling down in his new quarters it was detestable to him to find himself in again his two cramped little rooms after the flat in the and his in india seemed to choke him and he had got used to s easy gracious ways to her bright and artistic presence and to the curious sense of space which a house conducted on the lines of the always gives it was horribly lonely too he liked the look of his new brother officers well enough and apparently they did as much by him but it was a poor substitute for with her charming smile her dainty ways and the endless interests of the life which | 30 |
she led he lay awake for a long time feeling that he should never get reconciled to this half life but in the end he fell asleep and he slept as young men in the prime of life who have no money troubles usually do and in the he awoke feeling in spite of his of the previous evening as gay and as light hearted as he had ever felt in all his life he looked round his quarters saw by the morning light that they would not be as he put it half bad when he had had time to do them up according to his fancy and concluded that since he had to be parted from he would be as comfortable in the white horse as ever he had been in his old regiment after the voyage home and the long spell of leave it was pleasant to him to be back in harness again somehow that morning he seemed to be nearer to i heart and sword than he had been since that memorable night that he had seen her in the part of prudence he understood more her feeling in clinging to her work he seemed as i said to be nearer to her did i understand you said one of his new comrades to him during the course of the day that miss is your wife yes she is and of course she cannot come down here because she cannot leave london will she come here at all i think it is very likely when she has a holiday unless i happen to be on leave i see then his looked at him curiously if i may say something he said you ve been in india for some years yes how the devil did you manage to persuade miss to marry you i mean that you only came back from india a few weeks ago i know but i have been married to miss for more than three years by jove you don t say so you don t say so then you knew her before you went out my dear fellow said i have known my wife all her life we were children together she is some years younger than i am and i have known her ever since she could walk oh that accounts for it well by jove you re a lucky fellow i wish i were in your shoes the news spread through the neighbourhood like wild fire that the officer who had exchanged with mr was married to miss the at first liked the distinction then it got to be a little irksome to him so many people asked him when his wife was likely to come to whether she was likely to come and al sorts of questions were put to a new phase of life him which in other times he would have believed were impossible to be asked of a man concerning himself and his wife he found himself in a measure neither fish flesh nor good red he was married but his wife was not with him so that he did not receive the attention usually paid to a bachelor and he did not have the standing which to a man keeping up ever so modest an establishment he was a thing apart sl something in between and from one or two things which were let drop in the course of conversation he gathered that half the world believed that although he was married to the great they were not on an like good terms with each other therefore as soon as prudence came to an end which was during the month of february he insisted upon her joining him at you have had a very long spell of extremely hard work he wrote to her and you ought to bargain for at least a month of absolute rest before you think of anything else we give our ball on the sixteenth of february and if you can come here for that it would be a good means of introducing you to the best people here i will take a of rooms at the golden eagle hotel where i am sure you would be as comfortable as you could be anywhere quite as comfortable as you could be in your own house in reply wrote back we close on the eighth and i shall be able to come down the next day if you like i think the idea is very good to take a of rooms at an hotel as if you troubled with a furnished house we should have such a bother with servants for so short a time i shall of course bring with me as she is absolutely necessary to my comfort and enjoyment don t do anything dear boy heart and sword to make the rooms look smart i will bring you a box of my own things accordingly on the ninth of february the great arrived at the golden eagle that of quaint cathedral cities where the element is so strong that it all others and where flourish even more than they do in the older city of i met a lady with captain to day said mrs to her colonel on the day following s arrival but i don t think it could have been his wife why not because she looked so quiet and she had a little simple dove coloured frock on and a plain coat and a quite ordinary black hat very good feathers and all that sort of thing but still most simple and quiet and that couldn t have been mrs it was said the colonel i met them together and he stopped and introduced me that the great cried mrs in astonishment well my dear said the colonel you didn t expect her to come dressed as lady did you with all her war paint on she hadn | 30 |
she asks such an that it is really no distinction to be asked rather the contrary and young lord is always about with you and of course poor things they don t quite like it because he takes good care that he never is seen about with any of them or their but i knew the ages ago i know her intimately oh you knew her before you came here ages since years ago exclaimed rather she came to see me when i was playing and before i played and i have been on the most intimate terms with her ever since did they think that i picked up the here yes of course they did then they made a mistake i know the very well i think it s horrid of people when i came down just for a little while to see my husband that they cannot leave me alone to enjoy a holiday in my own way s news if they knew what a life of work i have they would not interfere with me i don t interfere with them and i wish they would not interfere with me i will never come to any more i will tell so the next time i have a holiday if he has not leave i will take a house five miles out in the country that i will but you mustn t be vexed with me for telling you you wanted to know the lay of the land didn t you oh yes but i do think it s downright unkind of people to have gone on like this don t you well i do my dear since you put it in that way yes i do but they don t mean to be unkind still it must be confessed that was a as a social force in the old cathedral town of and when she had gone back to london her husband was made to feel it the last two days of her stay in she spent driving round with leaving p p c cards on everybody is it necessary she asked well it is necessary he replied oh it does seem hard when i only came here for a month that i should have to waste my time calling upon people yes dear but leaving your cards is not exactly calling upon people you may as well be driving round from one house to another as be driving in the country with me and hills will get down and them into the various houses so that you really need not distress yourself about it but i know what it will be if you don t do it they ll think not that you left it undone because you wouldn t take the trouble or because people had bored you so but that it was because you didn t know any better i don t know said that i do know any better heart and sword which is nonsense he said with a laugh nobody knows better than you do the right way up of everything so she was persuaded to leave the town in a manner to the rules of etiquette had obtained a few days leave and went to town with her her sigh of relief as the train glided away from the platform struck him like an icy blast there she said we are off at last oh dear but that is a dreadful place i do hope you will soon get moved on somewhere else he turned and looked at her taking her hand in his are you so glad to get away from me he asked reproachfully from you oh dear how can you put it like that not from you dearest but from all that lot of people who eyed one as though one were something from another world or a creature out of the streets or the those awful people who always suspected one of something i am sure that their own inner lives must be very bad or they would never be so suspicious of other people she was very gay as the train sped along you have ten precious days she said we will go to a different theatre every night and i think we will dine at a fresh place every night it gives one variety and it is good for one s to make changes of that i am quite certain and in the well in the we will go somewhere every day somewhere fresh every day even though it is not very far away half the places that people go to round london i have never seen because i would not go without you now i have never been down to oh you may look but it is true but my dear child you wouldn t go to in march would you s news oh i forgot that well we will do things but we will do things they arrived in town in time to dress comfortably dine and go to a theatre attracted the usual amount of attention and for once forgot to be annoyed to hold her little court between the acts came as naturally to as it had been unnatural to try to accommodate herself to the of society i do not her indeed i may go further and say that i consider her greatly wanting in policy that she did not contrive the better to herself with those among whom her husband s lines were cast for the time in all walks of life it is wise to be gracious may be said to cost little and to buy much she was very gay and delightful in herself that evening and could not help being touched to notice how much pleasure her freedom from the of dull social life seemed to give her the play to which they went was not a very | 30 |
good one the principal was and as a matter of fact she was a trained to take a heavy and responsible part by the whim of an admiring whose personal esteem had for once got the better of his dramatic judgment everything that she did was unnatural she had no freedom of gesture she gave the idea of doing nothing on her own account it was as if every movement was the result of a lesson i wonder said at last whether my was anything like this if your had been anything like this said promptly you would not be earning sixty pounds a week at the present moment that young lady will never earn sixty pounds a week nor if i were her manager sixty pence how any manager could sit at the front and i presume do sit at the front heart and sword and watch the progress of the and allow her to display such a pair of feet by such an extraordinary short skirt is quite beyond me some day if ever i have money enough i think i shall the service and take to theatrical management myself and if ever you do said i will be your leading lady but you must not think that you will get me for nothing no no i must have my sixty pounds a week just the same and perhaps more that will depend my dear upon what you prove yourself to be worth said he she looked at him with the dawning of a new idea upon her bright face many a true word is spoken in jest she said and it is not at all beyond the bounds of possibility that you and i may one day run a theatre of our own of course i am for the next few months but if i were you i would think that scheme thoroughly over and keep it in my mind you cannot want to go on living such a narrow life as they live down in a place like nothing but scandal envy and hatred from week s end to week s end endless afternoon calls paid turn and turn about deadly dull dinner parties where you meet the same people in the same dresses with the same weary faces night after night if i lived in such a place as for a continuance i would buy a little black frock and when that was worn out i would buy another little black frock and when that was done with i would build another on the same pattern and by that time you would go to a new station and it would be like a new frock and it would be cheap only dear old boy one s ideas would be like the frock rs cut on the same pattern never anything greater never anything less did the speak to you or didn t the speak to you will the colonel s wife condescend to come to your tea party or will she give one the new without inviting you to it oh what a dreadful life and their too dreadful calls rounds of visiting like so many hours a day on the oh here s mr she said as a knock sounded on the door of the box and it was pushed open well what is the news with you mr my dear miss said he very gravely i went to the to find you they told me you were here so i knew that you had not heard the news and i followed you on here why what has happened he took hold of her hand and laid his other over it my dear girl he said i am afraid that i am going to give you a dreadful shock died an hour ago chapter xxi the new when uttered these words died an hour ago rose to her feet and stood looking at him with a vague uncertainty in her eyes i don t think she began then broke off short what did you say i scarcely know what i did say he replied i can only tell you that poor is dead i happened to be dining with him to talk over some little changes in the new play we were sitting together smoking quietly and talking shop when he gave a sort of gasp and clutched at his heart he was gone before i could ring the bell for his wife heart and sword she continued to stare at him is it a joke she said at last a joke no my dear girl it is true yes he was gone in a minute then looked round at her husband i should like to go to her she said in a vague kind of voice i will take you he said willingly and then she made a step towards the door of the box where she stumbled and fell in a dead faint upon the floor get some water and some brandy you should have told her more said sharply he raised her in his arms and carried her into the corridor with a face like a sheet rushed away in search of and between them they presently got her into a private part of the house by the time she came round she was utterly unfit to do anything but go to her bed but she persisted that she must go there and then and see mrs so a cab was called and helped her into it and together with they drove to the house of mourning they were admitted instantly the poor widow was outwardly composed and calm frozen by dumb grief she allowed to hold her hand and together the two women went into the study where the dead man was still lying stretched upon the sofa where they had first laid him from that moment s life was changed there | 30 |
was one more theatre in the market and one more successful open to new arrangements offered in his distress and his desire to do his best for his friend s widow to produce the new play exactly as if were still living but mrs who had been on the stage before her marriage preferred the new not to risk any of the money which her husband had left behind on theatrical no mr she said a day or two after the funeral it is awfully kind of you and of miss too but i won t risk any of poor s money by trying to make more of it i ve got my two little children to consider there will be at least six hundred a year and that is ample for them and for me too i should never forgive myself if i went in for a venture which did not turn out well and mr has promised to be their and never one penny will i touch i hate acting and i hate having anything to do with theatres and since there isn t s head to manage i would rather do on smaller means it is no pleasure to me to live in a great big house i shall go back to the country and do the best i can for the children on what he has left me i cannot thank either of you enough for offering to stand by me but i feel that i am doing the best as it is thank you again and again for all your kindness and goodness to me both of you so the little woman passed away out of the theatrical world and and felt that they had done their best to stand by their comrade s widow to the fullest extent that lay in their power her decision left them entire freedom if you will take my advice said to his wife you will have at least six months absolute rest i don t think she answered seriously to this that it would be at all wise people would say that i had been dependent upon s management and that really was not so it was i who kept the theatre going i and the play not so much s clever management excepting in that he secured us two i won t decide anything without your but the wisest thing that i can do now is to ask philip to advise me in any special chance that may heart and sword turn up he has such a wise head and he is so r seeing and clear sighted he will be able to advise me better than you because he understands the ropes as nobody not in the profession could possibly do to this agreed because he knew that the idea was a good one and he knew moreover that philip s advice would be the very best that she could possibly seek she had many offers during the next few weeks her idea was of course to go with the new play the part had been specially written for her and was one in which she was likely to make a great sensation of a different character to that which she had won by creating the part of prudence at last came to her with a proposal she received a note from him asking her to give him an appointment as early as possible i have an idea he said which i think is worth your consideration and i should like you to hear it before i disclose it to anybody else she replied immediately giving him an early appointment and the following morning he came to her at the i have been thinking he said over what we can best do now that poor is no longer with us the profits of prudence were enormous what if you and i were to join forces and manage the theatre between us i believe that the new play will be a far greater success than prudence there is more human nature in it your part is a more powerful one we should want a lot of money she said had not much money he borrowed money when he took the theatre i was entirely in his confidence at the time he has left his wife and children comfortably provided for nothing of course to what he would have made had he lived but still a the new comfortable provision i have not altered my style of living or very little since we brought out prudence i don t feel inclined to risk all that i have made but i don t mind going if you are not afraid to go in with me for a moment did not speak i cannot do anything she said without consulting my husband i have made a good deal of money and i have not spent very much of it but at the same time for me it is a greater risk than for you but you would have equal shares with me and there is no earthly reason why we should not succeed he explained yes that is so and yet i feel that it is a risk i must talk to about it i should not like to decide anything quite of my own judgment the result of this conversation was that the following day went down to merely the fact of her coming a few minutes before the train left london and it must be confessed looked very grave at the scheme which she proposed to him i don t know i am sure he said when she had unfolded all s ideas it is one thing to have a wife an it is quite another to have a wife who is in business on her own account what does say about it i have not been to him oh i thought you set such store | 30 |
by his judgment i do so r as people and plays go but when it comes to starting a theatre well you wouldn t exactly go and take advice of another manager would you i don t see why not i should say he was exactly the person you ought to go and take advice of i don t know whose advice would be better well perhaps yours would little he said at last when they had dined o heart and sword and he had heard it all over again you have not told me everything that is in your mind you came down here with another idea altogether well yes i did what i feel is this do you remember what you said when we were in town together the other day that one day when you had money enough you would the service and go into the theatrical management yourself oh so now the cat is out of the bag is it you want me to throw up my commission the service and go in for managing a theatre do you and how do you know i should be of any use in a theatre in this way she said i find my business behind the i must either have ten times the business head i have or else i must find some very person who will consider my interests before all the rest of the world now i ask you whether i have got the business head to be on both sides of the at one and the same time or whether you know any person who will absolutely consider my interests before his own or any one else s if you were that person i should have no fear but that you would look well after our interests you would do for us what you would not dream of doing for anybody else in the world that is common sense is it not i suppose it is and if i had all the money and could go into management as the chief of the whole affair of you well i don t say that it would not be an excellent scheme but you are not asking me to do that you are asking me to go in as your steward i don t feel inclined to do that in my regiment i have my own there is not much money to be made out of it it is true but the is one which carries its position with it i should have no position as your manager i don t know the ropes i have not in the dramatic profession there is not the slightest the new chance of making an actor out of me and i think i should be an fool to give up a profession which suits me the one for which i have been educated to go in for one of which i am totally ignorant and i should the whole thing in every way have you any other alternative so as this opportunity is concerned said i have only the alternative of going in as a partner with and doing the best that i can or going to another theatre and being precisely where i was what sort of a fellow is you have seen him no dear i didn t mean in that way i mean what sort of a man is he what sort of a reputation has he i mean is he a straight man is he a gentleman oh yes i have always thought of him as being as straight as a die but don t you think you could see your way to joining me it is horrid to have you down here and i up yonder well to tell you the truth i don t he replied you see i have always had my own position and i have not enough money of my own to let my own place in the world absolutely slide i cannot see your objection she said if you become joint manager with you would pay me my sixty pounds a week exactly as did and all the profits outside that you would with him you would be as absolutely your own master as you are now no he said i should have no place in the world but as your husband and i i couldn t stand it besides i want to have a command in time i gave up the old regiment for that was bitter enough you married a soldier my dear and i am afraid a soldier i shall be to the end of the chapter and nothing more o heart and sword what do i know about theatres my only instinct o running a theatre would be to say to everybody i met come and see the show to night charmed to send you a box and when they go there come and have a drink with me i am not the kind of stuff that successful are made of i should ruin you in next to no time no i will tell you what i will do you go in with i believe he is a good sort of fellow and i will come up for every day of leave i can scrape together and i will put my lawyers on to you up and i will look at your books and all that sort of thing as much as ever you uke i wonder he added pulling hard at his pipe i wonder whether theatrical accounts are worse than accounts by jove they can t be she sighed she was vexed and disappointed yet she had hardly dared to hope for else perhaps it was a great deal to ask of a man that he should give up his profession the profession of his choice the aim in life to which he had always pressed | 30 |
and yet there seemed so little to gain i she was not but it seemed to her that he was hanging on for the chance of being killed and little else failing that he was pressing forward for the chance of commanding his regiment but that would not be a continuance command he never so wisely it would be an affair of five years at most always in what seemed to her a position of slavery even as commanding he could not be absent for a day without leave he must always be under somebody else here was a chance of being for ever his own master you don t seem to see she cried that you would not only be absolutely your own master if you take this chance but you would be absolutely mine you would pay me my salary i shouldn t like it he replied i shouldn t be the new ble to jacket you if i wanted to and i should exist only as miss s husband i couldn t stand it and that s the truth i thought you loved me better she said in a voice which was tremulous i love you well enough he said quickly nobody could doubt that but to give up one s own line to rush in blindly where one does not know the road it would be folly sweetheart believe me would you rather that i did not venture on it not at all i think the general idea is a good one i will try and get two or three days leave and i will go back with you then i will look into the whole thing we will put and co it and if there is anything the least little bit shady you bet they will find it out i don t see how there can be anything shady because went in on borrowed money and he has left his widow about six hundred a year i cannot tell why does not keep it all for himself he has plenty of money he must have made heaps of money out of prudence i can tell you why he wants you to go in with him it is to secure you said with a laugh i suppose you are still satisfied with the play oh yes the play is magnificent far beyond prudence we shall find a difficulty in getting the principal man s part filled but has somebody in his eye nobody i know an unknown young man who has been playing in the provinces says he is magnificent and until he has made a london success he will not ruin us in price so it was agreed between them if the truth be told it had been a temptation to not to refuse her than an that had before presented itself for his decision and the cause of his refusal was curiously pride had something to do with it also io heart and sword confidence in his own powers and most strongly of all there was that curious desire to hold fast to the sword it was not exactly a desire for glory if any fighting had come in his way would have taken it as a matter of course and would have rejoiced in it but he had no thirst for active service no longing to do great things and win great rewards no it was a curious contentment a satisfaction in the life of small details a in the grind at which he daily and grumbled a love of the mess table a feeling of at about his uniform and above all a sense that in his own regiment he was somebody and in miss s theatre he would as he put it give himself away with every moment that went by they went up to town together the following afternoon had had no difficulty in obtaining a few days leave and they spent most of the time in the of business eventually became joint and manager of the theatre mr dramatic author being her partner now i hope that you are quite satisfied said to her when they were dining together on the night before he had to return to you are at the top of the tree now your own mistress in every sense of the word and nobody to say yea or nay except your partner no she replied i am not altogether satisfied satisfied so far as the business side goes yes but i should have been happier if you had been the new manager instead of myself anyway said he we will drink yet once again to the success of the new development of course we drank to it last night but you and i will have a fresh toast on our own account here is to miss the of the theatre she raised her glass and drank the toast in silence a certain feeling of was strongly upon her she could ill have defined it and yet it was there my dear he said you are to night i have not often seen you like this you ought to be happy for everything lies before you and points to the harbour of success she looked at him for a moment or so without speaking i feel oppressed she said at last as if i had cast all upon a die and lost of course if harm comes of this this new venture you must never blame me i was ready and willing nay more than willing i was anxious to put all power into your hands to make you in reality my lord and master you have chosen between your heart and your sword no no don t put it like that he cried i can put it in no other way so far as money goes this is the greatest crisis of my | 30 |
and then the music began and the dance on the lower terrace commenced and the little by play between the two followed did the husband like the play he asked oh yes of course he did how could he help himself he is delighted with it she replied is he here to night no not to night he is dining with a man at his club if i were your husband just over for a few days leave said he i should come every night he was holding her hands in his by the of the play and bending very near to her to speak in the usual lover like fashion she laughed outright oh that would be too foolish she cried if i were your husband i should be foolish he persisted ah well well you are not my husband and perhaps it is just as well for you by the bye mr with a sudden change of tone i have never seen your wife what is she he held her hands closer he had to do it in the play you understand close up against his breast and she to smile at him and seem as if his love making were not wholly distasteful to her i have no wife he said roughly and as he held her hands against his breast she could feel the beating of his heart beneath then i what you are not married what a pity the only woman that i ever saw whom i should like to marry is not free and then before she could reply he had his cue to continue his part in the play dearest he had to say rising and drawing her with him along the terrace you take too earnest a view of life it is not all sad it is not all work and trial and endeavour there should sometimes be enjoyment you tempt me but no listen they are coming do not betray me she sped away to her dressing room with a new sensation about her heart strings surely he was only trying to act up to the part he did not mean those words for her oh no it was preposterous she would not think of it again and for the rest she would be chilly dignified but it is not easy to be chilly and dignified and distant when you have to play a part in which passion takes the lead and had never in his life before played as he played that night it was as if he were for the stake of her soul again and again they were called before the curtain and then at the end came round to her dressing room and told her that without doubt was improving day by day was in the theatre to night he said for once i wish that he had played worse of course wants him for that new play of s he is bringing out and were together i could see them laying their heads against one another and whispering and down things you ll see they will get him from us if it s possible well let him go said and yet something in her heart said that she did not mean the words something in her heart told her that no consideration of salary would take away fi om the theatre let him go echoed why my dear girl it would be the ruin of the play of course he is bound to us and he is not likely to find a finer part but if they tempt with fifty or sixty pounds a week which they are quite capable of doing he wouldn t be human if he did not try to get out of his agreement upon one thing we must be agreed and that is that we cannot let him go for any mere matter of money i heart and sword really think i had better tell him in the morning that we will raise his salary don t said wait till he hints at it looked at her what a business head youve got he said and sighed knowing very well that it was not business but a more personal reason which had kept her from falling in with his ideas not a little to her surprise did not come for her that evening usually if he were not in the theatre he was always there at closing time but on that particular night she only received a note in pencil hope you won t mind it said shall not be home just yet going on to a show with she thrust the note into her pocket feeling strangely desolate of course she knew that lord was a great friend of s still that he should go on an with him without thinking of her struck her with a sense of chill and of pain then there was a sharp rap at the door and came rushing in what did i tell you he exclaimed i knew what they had come for i met just now with s card and a message on it for will he go and sup with him at the how did you know asked because i read it of course oh weu i don t think you ll find that he will go not if we make it worth his while to stay but the great question is said what will make it worth his while that is the question up the river chapter up the river and were over their breakfast the following morning when arrived in a high state of excitement what did i tell you he began what did i tell you miss what did i tell you well said have some breakfast said you re put out a bit the coffee is excellent and hot the are done to a turn and hot thank you yes i | 30 |
will i choked down a cup of coffee this morning and that was all my worst fears are confirmed what has mr given notice no mr has not given notice but a man i know was at the last night and he heard say to sixty pounds a week my boy and a he is quite worth it said pouring herself out some more coffee worth it shrieked the other i don t say he isn t worth it but he s not having it no but a man isn t content to remain for ever getting less than he knows he s worth why should he after all mr has his life to live just as we have we shall have to give him a big rise he s having now isn t he twenty five yes well we had better make it fifty it means twenty five out of our profits groaned heart and sword yes i know it does but it will mean perhaps a hundred and twenty five if he goes elsewhere the day went by however and no intimation came from that he contemplated to the theatre ruled over by one and it was not until the dance scene that anything was said on the subject what is the matter with our friend miss he asked laughed he has been very unhappy all day mr really poor chap he s been in and out of my dressing room and around and evidently wanting to say something what s the matter with him he s very uneasy in his mind said but why because of mr s visit last night and of his invitation to you to sup with him and his offer while you were good heavens how did he know anything about that news travels said would it be ill news asked he it was just at the point when he caught her hands and drew them against his breast would it be ill news he repeated it would be the most dire ill news answered you must not leave us on any consideration whatever you had better tell mr of the offer that you have had and satisfy him that you don t mean to leave us would you prefer that i stayed why the whole piece hangs upon you yes but personally i mean and just at that moment as if to save he received his cue and rose drawing her along the terrace with him dearest you take too earnest a view of life and the next moment was running away to her dressing room once there she sent for mr up the river he told me something just now she said you had better see him as soon as possible and get it settled about his salary and what shall i go to oh double it double it it is not a time for it was not until the following evening that there was any chance of conversation between them then spoke to her of the new arrangement with he has offered to double my salary he told her what made him do that partly because other people were after you and partly because we feel that you are worth it i was content to remain where i am said he you should never be content to remain at the bottom of the ladder she said very seriously take my the is worthy of his hire and an actor should always take success when it offers oh i took it of course and said thank you but i should never have asked for such a rise i would rather i may as well be frank with you i would rather stop in this theatre and in this part at ten pounds a week than i would go to any other at a hundred you are very foolish she said more foolish than i have words to tell he gave a sigh men are foolish he said and the stronger the men the more foolish their folly i can scarcely tell you how it came about but from this time a new feeling arose between and the asked him to dinner and he somewhat with what regiment were you in asked him i see that you have been in the service did you see that said the other heart and sword miss s husband spoke to him with a certain amount of and perhaps a little the tone yes any soldier could see it what was your regiment the twenty ninth the twenty ninth i never knew your name as one of them for a moment looked at in extreme amusement you haven t a good memory my dear fellow he said easily i haven t you are right i have seen you somewhere if that s what you mean but i don t place you as being one of the twenty ninth no i don t suppose you do you might place me however as having been part of your life earlier than either of us were in the service were you i don t remember you oh yes you do i was your at by jove is it possible you don t mean to say that you re ted but how came you to have such a name as well they are my names i am edward i thought the family might object to the holy name of being by being put upon a play bill and so i dropped it for my middle names which very few people know that i possess and has nobody spotted you before not a soul you see i don t go into society very much acting is not easy work as you probably know by your wife my wife scarcely goes out at all said in fact she pretty well it she came down and up the river stayed a month with me in my quarters | 30 |
not so long ago and i believe she would just as soon have been a month in prison ah i can quite understand that said and when you come to think of it it is preposterous to a woman with her gifts and her mind trotting round calling upon all the little provincial who make society in country quarters i gave up the service simply because i could not stand the horrible and of it all meeting the same men at dinner night after night hearing the same old jokes seeing the same and of course you had in another direction you must have had other reasons than mere dislike of to make you take up the stage oh i had my of course to tell you the truth i never can understand with such a wife as yours that you are content to stay on as a soldier however felt that he had cast the die and must abide by his throw a soldier he was and a soldier he must remain until the end of the chapter the atmosphere of the stage was not one which suited him he had all his life thought of as young ladies of morals and much fascination and the almost life lived by his wife was not one which in any sense appealed to him he had the part of prudence partly because it preached a sermon which went home more deeply than he was aware of he had it as played by his wife if the truth be told far more than he would have objected to his wife taking part in a and at the end of his leave he went back to his regiment with a certain sensation of relief he would not have admitted as much even to himself but it was so nevertheless his mind wa strangely divided he was intensely proud of his wife and of her position in the heart and sword theatrical world but at the same time there was always present the feeling that she belonged to another sphere than his almost his last words to were about of course it is rather a relief he said to her to know that your leading man is all right in himself i don t wonder he didn t stick to because he was always rather a little when he was my at of course lord s son is all right and that is a tremendous pull for you he would be the same to me if he were a butcher s son my dear said promptly in our life we do not mind in the least what people s are we look no further than the man or woman he can act and that is the principal matter for us to consider thought of his wife s words when he found himself back in his own quarters he wished that she would give up her work and go and live with him it would perhaps be a pity as she was making so much money but she was getting all sorts of ideas in which he could not and would not follow her such rot his thoughts ran to pretend that it made no difference to her whether a man was lord s son or the son of a butcher it only showed how the stage was nobody had such absurd ideas in the army he hated nothing so much and it was absolute for to pretend that she only thought of what people were and not at all of what they had come from why she had given everybody the cold shoulder at and had chiefly with the little make believe that she was he supposed that she had picked up these ideas from men like with wives who could not show and so on anyway since he had to be in ireland and she had to be in london he was glad that up the river the man with whom she would be most intimately associated should be little ted or as he had come to be big ted for the actor who was known as stood over six feet in his stockings it was after that visit of s that a certain intimacy began to spring up between miss and the gentleman who played the lead in a harvest of roses they played all through the hot august days most of the other theatres were closed or empty but the americans and the curious people who frequent london during the dog days contrived to keep the full to overflowing you are out said one night to miss why don t you take a week s holiday and get some sea air your could do well enough i hate giving in to my she said i do feel rather done up but i shall be better after tonight to morrow i go down to a dear little cottage that i have taken on the river and then i shall feel ever so different that s a good idea he exclaimed a cottage on the river are you going to ask any of us to spend a day with you you can come if you like she said at right on the river s bank yes i know i might have gone farther out but i thought it would be a greater getting up and down come down and spend sunday with me from going down to spend sunday with miss at to starting rooms in a quaint old at was but a very easy step and so wholly miss and mr generally had to catch the same train the latest from at first he used to let her et heart and sword out alone at her station where she always took a cab to the charming cottage which she had made her temporary home then there came a night when the moon was shining with extra brightness and he | 30 |
the sun and moon and stars of my very life you may be set so high up yonder that i can never put out my hand to reach you but the sun of my life you are and though you may draw down the grey clouds of separation between us so that my life is withered for want of the warmth and glory of your sunshine you are still the sun the only sun in the heavens for me as for you you are cold proud self denying and very strong you may hold yourself aloof but you cannot hide from me that you care you cannot hide from me the truth that you have drifted away from as he has drifted away from you chapter xxiv an inheritance thus with having drifted away from her husband the train glided into station i insist upon your not coming home with me she said putting out a resolute hand and forcing him back his seat i insist upon it i don t ask you i wish to be alone let me come with you he urged it is not fit for you to be alone nonsense it is as fit as any other time that i have come down alone i will not have you come with me she jumped out of the carriage and resolutely shut the door in spite of his attempt to follow her he let down the window with a jerk but he was too late the train had already started heart and sword you are not angry he cried leaning out of the carriage window so far as to be apparently within reach of the signal box at the end of the platform she waved her hand go back she cried the wall the wall he drew his head in just in time to avoid a which would certainly have brought his career and this part of my story to a close and staggered back sick with the of his escape that was what you might call touch and go lady was the remark of a porter who had been standing by they by the late train they take no of bricks and mortar nor moving trains nor any of the things that travellers is mostly a bit careful of it strikes me the just took is in in the nick of time there s plenty of room but when lean out by the yard they can reach most anything oh said with a shudder it was horribly near it was lady it was as near a thing as ever i see do you want a cab lady yes thank you she was so overcome that he took her by the arm and her to where a couple of were awaiting the chance of a fare there i think you be all right now lady and after all a miss is as good as a mile was the comforting remark of the porter as he shut the door upon her she gave him a shilling and tried to smile her thanks for his gallantry he looked at the shilling in his hand as the cab away it was lucky for im his thoughts ran that e took is in when e did for she would always have thought it was er fault for not let im get out with er when he wanted to lor i wonder if she knows im i fancy seen em together i fancy seen em get out ere an inheritance meantime was sitting in the rather cab trembling and shaking in every limb it was the nearest approach to a bad accident that she had ever seen and she made believe to herself that that was the reason of her trembling she paid the his fare and ran into the house she found awaiting her miss has gone to bed ma am she said as she took her mistress s wrap miss violet is in the dining room i hope miss is not ill no ma am no worse but she complained of her head and miss violet and i persuaded her to go to bed dear me ma am you look very white has happened oh yes i saw an accident i mean there was nearly an a gentleman was leaning out of the carriage window and he only drew in his head just in time to prevent its being knocked against a wall it was dreadful don t say anything about it to miss violet let me give you a tiny drop of brandy ma am said promptly was so extremely that proposed brandy as a sort of last resource she was so thoroughly that she drank the modest without a word of objection and the of spirit drowned as it was in water seemed to go like fire through her veins there i am all right now she said giving the glass back into s hands these things do give one a turn she passed on into the dining room where she found violet deep in the pages of a new novel she looked up with a start as the door opened and her law entered the room oh is that you she cried i was so deep heart and sword in this book which isn t half bad that i didn t hear you drive up did you drive yes has gone to bed her head was so bad i think she sat in the sun too much or something well was the theatre full yes very much as usual it is very hot to night and i feel you look so cried violet turning and her sister in law with sympathetic eyes you know you make a lot of money and you ve a big place in the world but you do have to work for it i was only saying to to night that when we have a headache we can give ourselves up | 30 |
to thoroughly enjoying it but you when you have a headache you have to pretend that you haven t i never have a headache because said i never have time but you look very to night i am rather the more reason why you should give me some supper poor little thing she shall have supper cried violet there is something very extra special here but did not eat much of the very extra special dish that had been prepared for her return and finally she went off to bed saying that she was very tired but it was not to sleep oh no she lay awake wondering wondering what would be the end of it all in that brief moment s flash that instant of danger she had with horror that was more to her than one of her company she felt as guilty that it should be so as if she had actually betrayed her husband her husband who had loved and trusted her from first to last it was a base reward to make to him for allowing her to go her own way and to live her own life how she regretted that she had ever stood in the way of taking an inheritance the offer made to him by mr her reason told her in the next moment that had had no intention of accepting the offer of any one which would remove him out of the theatre she was determined that she would put a stop at once to any idea which he might be that she could ever be anything to him she would hide always from him the fact that he was more to her than any man occupying the same position would be she would contrive that the girls should one or both of them go to town with her and failing them she would take never again would she come down alone with then he would that there was that there could be nothing in it that whatever their professional sympathies in personal sympathies they could never be anything to each other that they might act love but they could never indulge in the real thing she received a letter from with her early cup of tea it struck her with a sense of desolation he told her what he was doing expressed a good deal of satisfaction at the extraordinary hospitality of the irish and he asked no questions about her beyond a general inquiry after the state of her health he had never seemed so far away from her as he did on that memorable morning i am going to dine at the duke of s tonight he said i hear that they have got the most beautiful girl in ireland with them i was over there calling with some of the fellows the other day but we missed her she had gone off to a garden party some miles away it seems an shame that i should be enjoying myself here while you are in a hot theatre in london how i wish you would it all and come over here living is awfully cheap in ireland everybody says so and you would have no heart and sword end of a good time the people are so hospitable so full of fun and real gaiety and merriment always something going on without the and fuss that they make so much of in london i quite dreaded coming to ireland as you well know but it is the best place i have ever been in in my life you would love it dinners dances garden parties and gaiety of all kinds the invitations literally pour in upon us how i wish you were here to take advantage of them she sighed to think how little after all these years he knew her true they had only lived together from time to time but still he might have learned by this time that dinners and dances and garden parties and other had little or no attraction for her the tears were very near to her eyes as she replaced the letter in its envelope she felt no inclination to get up before her there lay a hard fight and she was painfully aware of it take which course she would the way must be hard by the needs of her profession she was and still must be in daily intercourse with this man intercourse of the and most intimate nature night after night there must always be that scene on the terrace that is to say as long as the play was running those few minutes when she must seem to take the deepest pleasure in his company to give herself to him when though she was only talking of s she must appear to be in his love protection there was none and could be none excepting her determination at all and every cost to be true to to who understood her so little that he could wish her to be with him in a life which he ought to know could be and would be no pleasure to her she contrived to keep the two girls very near to her all that day but did not the little villa fortress nor did they meet until upon the terrace on the an inheritance stage but if she had expected him to let the previous evening go by without comment she was mistaken you are not angry with me he said no i am not angry she answered i am very sorry because this idea of yours is very foolish very absurd and i i i well oh well you know without my saying it you have disturbed a very pleasant friendship for nothing but must it be for nothing it must be i am quite devoted to my husband as you know in any case if it were | 30 |
remain with him longer and after due consultation with she consented to do so so long as you are back by the end of september wrote that is all that is strictly necessary i don t think it would do to risk your being away longer than that because there are several other important events on and your absence would be noticed for instance the will be through town the last week in september and it is not at all unlikely that he will wish to see a harvest of roses so stayed and endured a while longer the life of weariness which she told herself was her duty she did more than endure she with such skill that never suspected the true state of her feelings the only real pleasure she had was a three days driving tour in which they indulged themselves had already had his full allowance of leave and this was a special concession to miss s charming presence she felt during those three days almost as she had felt years before when she and were all the world to each other there were no tiresome calls no dinner the master of parties no questions nothing to worry and her was driving a pair of superb horses in an extremely comfortable park and that little tour did more to and s nerves than all the rest of her so called holiday they got back to the hotel where they were staying very late on the third day a pile of letters awaited them both began to open hers with a sense that her holiday time was past that her enemy had found her they were however wholly filled with pleasant news and she turned from a letter written by and telling her that a box had been commanded for his imperial majesty for one of the evenings he would spend in london as an exclamation of surprise and consternation fell from her husband s lips my dear he cried oh my dear such news listen to this here is a letter from to say that old my you know died two days ago and that he has left all his property to me by jove it must be worth at least six thousand a year i never expected a penny from him now now my dearest you will be able to the theatre for good and all v chapter xxv the master of perhaps never was the news of accession to a fortune received with so little pleasure as stirred the heart of when she heard that s had left him the whole of his property himself was all in a bustle and took everything very much as a matter of course i shall have to go off at once oh there will be no heart and sword difficulty about leave there is never any difficulty about leave in cases of real necessity i must send a to and i think i ought to let the people at home know oh yes you ought to let them know at home certainly and you ll go with me of course by the bye have you any black clothes oh i can t go with you said i have a letter from and i must get back to london at once dear get back to london oh to the theatre yes indeed i must that s a nuisance however perhaps it s as well that you should not show perhaps there won t be any women at the funeral as there are no near relatives then we ll go across together and i shall have to go on to london in any case so i will go right back to london with you we ought to get away at once can you start to night oh yes will soon pack me up she replied she said nothing more to him about leaving the stage she felt that it was a natural first instinct with him she was glad for his sake that he would have plenty of money and a charming place of his own was not suited to be a poor man not even to have to endure the comparative poverty in which he had been reared they parted from the regiment with many expressions of and on both sides a in which and solemnity were curiously blended i wonder if i shall have to take the name said some hours later as they sped towards london oh it is to be hoped not it s not half such a nice name as yours oh is good enough anyway it would the master of have to be something or in any sha n t refuse the property because of that it is such a pretty place i never thought it would be mine it is astonishing to me that the old man could have kept his intentions so dark i always thought that was first favourite i suppose the truth is offended him they went straight home to the and after a meal went to his lawyers and an hour or two later straight down to castle where his was lying that night miss went down to the not to take her usual part but dressed in a little plain black gown to occupy the box which she called her own it was arranged with a little open worked screen so that she could sit there and hide herself at any time from the public gaze if she had had any doubts as to the of giving up her career as an they were all by that evening s performance she watched it as only a woman accustomed to play the part could do she saw how point after point was missed how line after line fell flat and dead how s best efforts were all thrown away because of the lack of understanding and intelligence of the girl who was her | 30 |
such a chance she to who was in the box with her why did you let me go on my time away while the piece was going to rack and ruin like this i trusted in you i never thought that you would keep me in the dark and let everything go to pieces like this my dear miss said you had got to such a state of that you were simply not fit to go on longer without a holiday miss does extremely well considering that she is to the well i won t say the first of the age but one of the most distinguished of the heart and sword day it doesn t give quite the same chance i was talking to him about it yesterday but as he said very sensibly i thought it was much better that you should get a thorough holiday as you had broken away from the theatre you will play to morrow oh yes i shall play to morrow certainly it is dreadful to see everything going to pieces like this besides i should like to get my hand in before the comes so the following evening saw the of miss in her great part in a harvest of roses she was so nervous about herself that they called a for the morning she did not stand in great need of it and that evening the audience found the old fire and vitality the same grace and charm as she had ever put forth for their delight you are glad to be back said to her when they came to the terrace scene oh so glad it has been to be away although i am all the better for my rest and for the change i have had i heard by the bye that had come into a fortune yes he has gone down there now it is a charming place he says it was really quite unexpected he is awfully set up about it yes i think so and you i oh yes i am glad for my husband s sake it is always well for a man to be comfortably off and not to have to think of money at every turn that is very horrid for everybody she gave him no chance of saying anything but the most absolute and she went home to the when all was over feeling that the old state of affairs was at an end that he had seen that the idea which the master of hark away had taken possession of him during the summer on the river was a preposterous one one that could not for a single moment be entertained by either of them and the next afternoon returned very full of his new possessions a little important and with every arrangement for their future life cut and dried of course he said you will make arrangements for getting out of the theatre at once oh we cannot think about that just yet but what is the good of keeping on now we have as much money as we shall ever need to spend as you have practically broken the ice with the public let miss go on and take your place permanently you could not break the run of the piece of course not but you can slip gracefully out of it yourself and there is not the least occasion for you to appear again my dear she exclaimed why i played the part last night you played last night why of course i did you played your part in a harvest of roses last night he repeated the night that my the same day that my was laid in his grave why it was not decent i did not play the part as your wife but as she said quietly the public does not wait for private affairs i never saw your i should not have known him if i had met him in the street and there could be no reason why i should not do my usual work because he happened to be buried yesterday your work he exclaimed yes my work one does not work for one s pleasure excepting that one may find pleasure in one s work i do not consider that you are reasonable i suppose then he said with a sneer that if i heart and sword had died you would have continued your work just the same that is a different question altogether she said quietly i would rather not discuss it if i had thought that my appearing last night would annoy you i would of course have left miss go on playing the part although when the night before last i saw her doing so i felt a traitor to myself and a traitor to my partner i am sorry if it has annoyed you i never thought of you one way or the other not having known this poor old man who has left you his money as to entirely giving up my work because you have come into a fortune i should not dream of doing it that would be to tell the world that i have only acted for money it would be to make all the world believe that i am a thoroughly woman which i am not all the world will understand that i object to your playing in public any longer it would be a great pity to so give yourself away if you had met me for the first time now and you had married me on condition that i gave up my professional career yes well and good everybody would understand it and some people would honour you but to allow your wife to do for money what you object to her doing when money is no longer an object would be a confession a confession that i am not | 30 |
willing you should make for me and you persist he said coldly you persist in keeping on this this this work of yours yes she replied so long as the public wants me so long as success waits for me i shall not be willing to give up my chosen career look here he said i don t think that you and i exactly understand one another so long as it was a question of money of showing the world what you could do i was willing and glad enough that you should the master of try your luck and continue as an well you have tried your luck you have succeeded to the very height of your ambition you have gone straight to the top of the tree you have set the world on fire made a big name run your own theatre you have been one of the stars of the world well have you not had enough of it now there is no need you can retire into private life with the advantages of a thoroughly comfortable income of a charming place of a good county position and all the lustre that a great name can give you is not that enough for you are you so greedy of admiration that you want to go on haven t you had your fill of public applause of glory she looked at him half doubtfully half impatiently you don t understand she said if you had ever been an actor yourself you would how we actors feel about these things that it is not the money nor the running one s own theatre nor even what the public say that keep us at it night after night month after month year after year it is the feeling of getting out of one s self the feeling that we may go on for a week or a month at a time and work like a slave and then there comes a night when one is no longer or mrs a night when one never heard of the nor the nor the white horse nor castle nor anything else there comes a night when one has gone out of one s self into a new body when one has gone out of this life into another when one lives i when one feels that the one night has been worth the week s grind or the month s grind or the year s grind that went before it there comes a night when one feels that every man woman and child in the house is here in the hollow one s to do what one likes with to sway laughter or to tears as one chooses it is that which i cannot give up he looked at her half in contempt half q s heart and sword i wish you had never seen or thought of the cursed theatre he said at last i ought to have stopped it at the beginning and so i would have done if i had known how completely it would take you apart from me as it has done by jove who to look at you now would think that you were the little the little trusting innocent girl whom i married look here i am a rich man now everything that i have or am is yours on certain conditions i am as much yours to day as i was that day when we our in the garden at little but i am not content any longer to be just the husband of miss the some fellows might be proud of it i am not i am proud of being what i am i am proud of being the master of but i want my wife to be my wife i want my wife to be content with the position of my wife and i said could never now be content with the position of your wife only it is no use asking it i went on the stage with your consent not for a term not as putting on the time but because it was here in me i might have given up for you before i succeeded because i had only the feeling that it was there i had only the feeling that i might be able to do it but now now it is too late i could not change my life or myself or give up my place so long as i am able to keep on you consented to my actions and gave me to the public and if you take me away you will wrong the public who have made me what i am he drew a long breath my dear child he said suddenly dropping his offended tone and speaking in his own accents i never had such a high flown idea in my life you had no money neither had l you wanted to what you could do and i consented you made a big success and heaven knows i have never stood in your light from that day to this why the only time i ever the master of objected to anything that you did i gave way i laid aside my scruples and objections because well because you all convinced me that i was unreasonable but as to giving you to the public i never thought of such a thing as to adding to the glory of your career that never entered into my mind either i never was moved by any but the most motives and now that i have plenty of money i only wish you to come and share my with me and frankly i cannot understand that you are not willing ay and eager to do so she did not speak for a moment then another idea came to her you are going to give up | 30 |
the service give up the service what an extraordinary idea oh you are not going to give up the service i never thought of such a thing but dear boy there is no longer any need burst out laughing ah there you me hip and well i suppose some fellows would feel that there was no need to go on but i want to have a command i will give up the service when i have had my five years of command and not before she moved from where she was standing dose up to him and does not that make you feel a little for me she asked he caught hold of her and kissed her with an outburst of passion not very frequent with him now if you put it like that he said of course i will do anything you like and consent to anything i hate having you away from me isn t it natural that i should and if i say no more about your giving up your theatre and living your own life you will remember that if you have a duty to the public mrs has some duty to her husband heart and sword i have never forgotten the obligations of mrs said she he bent and kissed her so long as you remember them we must agree not to differ no i won t call it to differ but to go our own ways for a while longer it is hard upon me not to have my wife with me and perhaps it is hard upon you to have a husband who is not quite at one with you i used to wish that i had the service followed my heart and tried to make an actor of myself but as things are they are best i should never have been any good m that line and i should never have had the patience to go on when the way was clear in the matter of money and so it was all for the best that i kept to the sword and resisted the temptation of the mask so the breach was healed over yet once again he left her in body and mind alike what did he mean by the obligations of mrs she asked herself had he any suspicion of her feeling for no no her feelings had never been defined even to herself if i speak quite truly they had gone no further than a vast he had spoken of the temptation that had assailed him to give up the sword for the mask well it was a pity yes it was a thousand that he had not yielded because if he had once been bitten with a love for the stage whether success had attended his efforts or not they would have been of one mind they would have shared the same hopes held the same opinions pressed to the same and to the same goal he might have been holding the place in a harvest of roses that filled to day and then something in her heart said no never something within her said forcibly and that and were two utterly different men drawn from the same class fired by the same early ambition yet standing utterly and apart something in that hour of told her that there was a yet more subtle difference between them for had deserted the sword for the mask had he followed where his heart had for the moment to lead him and had he succeeded to the very highest summit of his dreams he would still never have succeeded in taking quite the same place that had taken without trouble and without effort chapter xxvi when returned to his regiment he found a of invitations awaiting him among others with a few words of was an invitation to dinner from the of the dinner was for the evening following the day of his arrival and sat down at once and wrote an acceptance of it i hear wrote the that you have unexpectedly come into a fortune accept my sincere congratulations mr told me yesterday that you would be back on the tenth do come over and join us at dinner on the we have a house full of people and shall be delighted to see you i understand your wife is not with you so i will not go through the pretence of including her as of course i would do if she were here yours truly what a pity it is said the to her husband on receiving s letter of acceptance what a pity it is that captain is married heart and sword why you have no daughters to think of no dear i have no daughters to think of at present the had two little sons of three and four years old but with that nice property and such a good looking fellow he would have made a good match for the duke laughed ah well little woman it is too late for that now and is so pretty that you won t find any difficulty in placing her successfully if the truth be told the was inclined to be extra cordial to not because he had come into a few thousands a year but because she liked to have a smart and safe man about on her own account the duke was very much in love with her but he was devoted to sport of all kinds and had an invincible objection to into a mere squire of on the contrary was not an he liked a day s hunting he liked a day s shooting he liked to be in the swim of everything that was fashionable and not over easy of but for its own sake he was not enthusiastic over any form of manly amusement he meant to stay on in the service until he had enjoyed | 30 |
his command but he was not an enthusiastic soldier any more than he was an enthusiastic hunting man or an enthusiastic shot it was some strange feminine instinct which told the young of that captain would be a safe and useful man to have on her list a man who was well bred and well off young and in every sense a man who would always make even numbers at dinner who would always help to fill up a house party who would be useful in a thousand ways but for once the young who was an extremely young woman who had established herself very well in the world with a quite extraordinary cleverness had reckoned without her host for did the opposite to what she had intended him to do that is to say he at once attached himself to her beautiful young cousin as if no such person existed in the world as miss otherwise mrs and if the truth be told he did it so cleverly that not even miss herself was at first aware of his admiration for her she was very beautiful beautiful in the real irish style of abundant dark brilliant grey blue eyes put in with a dirty finger and was moreover possessed of a lovely figure and all that is sparkling and in the irish character what a pity he is married said the that first evening when had them adieu oh i don t know he seems happy enough said carelessly did he speak to you of her the went on oh yes he seems quite devoted as a matter of fact had never mentioned his wife and who had been away during most of the time that had stayed with the regiment now learned for the first time that such a person as mrs existed why didn t she come she asked rather abruptly come she doesn t live with him oh really she was here with him she has been here she was staying here a while ago when you were away but she is an oh a very proper kind of said the she is miss i can t think why she doesn t give up the stage now that he is so well off i suppose she is fond of it or not fond of him or something heart and sword is she pretty inquired yes more than pretty there is something more out of the common something very distinguished about her appearance she might be a queen by her looks a stage queen cried with her irish laugh at all events with him or not with him he seems very well satisfied with his lot perhaps she is not going to remain long on the stage and then she turned away singing as if the subject no longer interested her but thought a good deal more about than she would have liked any one to know he attracted her and never having seen his wife it seemed to her as if there was no such thing as a wife in the background he spent a great deal of his time at towers paying much court to the young and seeming to fill the exact position for which she had destined him the regiment was very gay at this time there were many dances formal and many of different kinds and at each and all he met the and the beautiful the was not dancing that autumn but captain took her in to supper and acted as her squire in other ways and for reward he had always several dances on the programme of the beautiful and let it be clearly understood that they were friends and nothing more not one word passed between them to which the most rigid and of could have objected they talked on the most serious subjects they discussed earnest problems they were the of friends as two men might have been he told her that he liked talking to her because she was so sensible and she told him that she preferred talking to him because he never said stupid things like other men and through that winter they contrived to see a good deal of each other and quite forgot to ui e to give up the stage and to settle down in her proper place as his wife he seemed to get out of the way of writing to her as often as he had been used to do he frequently now for the length of time which slipped by between his letters and for and of news when he did write them and when he had a few days leave he spent it at towers i have only got seven days leave he wrote to her and shall not have my long leave until about the middle of january it does not seem worth while going to london in this weather for such a short time especially as you cannot go anywhere with me in the evenings so i am going to improve the shining hour at towers instead but of course darling when i come to town for my long leave it will be all different then perhaps you will be able to make more use of your and you may even get a few days holiday so that we could go off to paris or somewhere together but to this did not commit herself she told him that she thought it was a long way in such weather for only a few days leave and hoped that he would have a lovely time at towers and she asked a few questions about the whom she had seen and with whom she had dined during her last stay with and so the of began to and the star of to rise into the it was about this time that became engaged to be married with the prospect of at a very | 30 |
early date the man was a county in the neighbourhood of little and the whole family were very pleased at the new turn of events naturally this prevented from visiting her sister in law excepting for a few days when she required to be in london for purposes of and equally she did not wish her sister violet to be heart and sword parted from her during the few weeks that were left to them of their hitherto unbroken life together so at this time was living a very lonely indeed i may say an isolated life i have explained before that it was instinct with her to keep the majority of her acquaintances from going any nearer to her heart and life on the rare occasions when she showed herself in public it was part of her burden of popularity to receive the homage and attention of hundreds of men and women who must be as a matter of course wholly indifferent to her to her private life she had from the very first admitted but very few persons and of those extremely few were men came and went on matters of business or policy only the of was her most intimate friend and naturally the intimacy was not one of anything approaching to daily intercourse for the was a woman beyond a leader of society a woman of great and ideas of enormous influence of and pressing engagements it was one of her sweetest when she could spare an hour to lunch with or to go and sit by her fire and talk of subjects quite outside her own daily life over a cup of fragrant tea many other women there were who could gladly have found themselves in the position of miss s most intimate woman but was very difficult to become intimate with and the of remained the only one who could with truth claim that position when first had returned to her work after her visit to ireland she had felt a certain shrinking from a formal renewal of intercourse with had however with infinite tact put a bold face upon the situation fi om the very beginning he had steadily ignored that scene in the train down to that scene you know when he had been foolish enough to tell her that he cared for her and to challenge her to say that she did not care for him he had accepted her refusal of his advances in the most absolute way and by dint of always speaking to her with the utmost formality by dint of carefully out any expression of feeling from tone or face he had quietly slipped into the place of her most intimate friend and most valued adviser and was wholly yet i must tell the truth and admit that to this friendly intercourse was wholly sweet it was such a relief to hei at first to find that he had entirely ceased any attempt at love making and she congratulated herself that she had taken such a sensible strong minded and high handed course from the very beginning she ought to have known that a man who had once told his love would not be content to go on the level road of friendship and have no further thought of the heights and valleys of passionate love she might have known had she been older and wiser had she been more in the ways of the world and less wrapped up in her beloved art she might have known that there is nothing so impossible as friendship between lovers that friendship is a possibility between all sorts and conditions of men and women excepting those who have once dreamed of a closer and dearer tie i can hardly tell you what was in s mind at this period he loved her with all the strength and of a young and nature of an artistic and strongly poetic temperament i can hardly say that he had faith in the future or any hope thereof but he had ever the feeling that if he kept long enough her friend he might in time become her lover he was strangely patient determined full of resolution to lose nothing for want of patience and waiting so he had gradually the mistake he had made earlier in the year and had slipped quietly into the position of intimate friendship and was more than content that it should be so heart and sword at first she had just mentioned him in her letters to came to tea with me yesterday she said in one of them and in reply said i am glad you are seeing something of he is one of the few men that i don t mind your being on terms with i am just off to dine and sleep at towers a house full of people i wish you could see she is certainly extremely good looking then after a time he would tell her that he was off to towers but without mentioning and on her side would forget to tell him that had been to lunch with her or that she had been on some little with and so these two who should have been all the world to each other drifted on their separate ways apart it was just at the end of january that and put on a new piece of course wrote to her husband you will be able to get over for the first night it seems as if we actors can never tell what a piece is going to be until it has actually been before the public but so far as i can tell this is quite the most wonderful play of modem times it is not exactly a religious play but it is next door to a religious play it deep questions of faith great human interests and has the strongest love story that you can imagine there | 30 |
is great excitement over it in the theatrical world and the demand for seats is beyond anything that we have experienced before in reply to this he wrote back that he was more than sorry that he would not be able to get over for the production i shall come later on he said and will see it then you know i am not very fond oi so do not worry about my non appearance but give my seat to some more worthy s this letter brightly apparently lovingly written as it was struck with a sense of chill and of misunderstanding he had had very little leave of late she thought how strange that he could not get leave for such an important event as a first night at the then she opened her drawer and took out a letter of his written some weeks previously she kept all his letters kept them as a sort of religion yes surely she had not been wrong i am sorry darling she found in one of them not to spend my few days leave with you but it scarcely seems worth while to go over for so short a time i get my long leave in the middle of january i get my long leave in the middle of january then he was actually on leave at the time on leave and spending it with the regiment that was very strange she turned and looked at the envelope in which the letter had reached her the was not that of the town in which he was but a name which she did not know she made out w i n c h was that it she eagerly turned over his other letters ah here was one written from towers was the post mark it was more distinct so he was actually staying at towers and had begun his leave and gone on a visit without so much as her of the fact she set her teeth hard it was not that she cared what did that state of mind had gone by for ever no no it was not that she cared for his love he had killed that long ago by his indifference but she did care for her just rights and being his wife it was her right that she should know at least the main lines on which he chose to sketch his life meantime was comfortably established at towers if the truth be told unable to tear himself away from the love which had taken complete possession of him ay of his very body and soul the o heart and sword thought that he was hers that he was her best man as she put it and truly he was always ready to do her to be at her and call to squire her here attend upon her there to be in short an excellent substitute for his grace of when that noble had other matters with which to occupy himself and the s world looked on and smiled regarding as a lucky man to be the husband of miss the great and the favourite of her grace the of to be a young man of extreme good looks master of a charming place possessed of a handsome income to be a general wherever he went i don t think that i will dance with you again to night captain said one evening when a big dinner at the towers had into an dance not dance with me again and why what have i done he exclaimed oh it s not what you have done but i don t think that i had better i saw looking at us just now well and if she did well and laughed i think we shall be wise if we do not dance any more what nonsense you are engaged to me for two dances more and i mean to have them no i think we had much better not but why because i tell you has her eye upon us the is nothing to me said rather no perhaps not but she is to me she is my cousin and i live here she has always been very good to me since she married the duke but if i get interfering with her men i don t think she would be quite as nice i am not one of the s men said he flushing indignantly she is my hostess nothing more oh you think so well i know her better than you do and i don t think that looked pleased when she saw us dancing together just now i would rather not dance with you again surely you are not afraid of the afraid no not in that sense but i am a poor relation you know and poor relations get to watch which way the wind blows and the stream runs for a moment he looked at her my god he said at last has it come to that that you are afraid to dance with me that you are afraid to come and sit out with me that the thinks i belong to her my god look here i never intended to say this to you i intended to go away to go to go to go home to my to do the dutiful husband to try and forget you i had no business to come here to spend part of my long leave i tried to go i tried to steel myself against you i have tried to set my heart and my eyes and my teeth upon my tongue but it is of no use you and i were made for each other what does the world matter against love come with me i promise you that the devotion of my life shall reward you for | 30 |
anything that you may lose but don t don t stay in this bondage of poverty any longer heart and sword chapter deserted what happened next fell like a upon at least half a dozen sections of society the first was of course that gathered just then at towers dear wrote in her parting letter try not to be angry with me and i are going away together you have always been so good to me that i hate to leave you like this i you will blame me but if you knew the state that my heart is in you would only pity your unfortunate cousin the duke was gone a hunting having started very early in the morning when this letter was brought to the s bedside she broke into a passion of angry weeping as she what had happened it was not that she cared two about her first instinct in knowing him had been that had he been free he would have made a charming match for her cousin but she was always conscious that she herself had married extremely well for the daughter of a none too well off had in marrying the duke of succeeded in making one of the most important matches of the year and she had always a sort of feeling that her husband s world would ever be on the look out for the joints in her and her first instinct was that this of s would let her down in the eyes of society at large then she let her mind slip back in over the unhappy marriages which she had deserted i known since she had been the of there was lady margaret she had run away from two husbands since had become of then there was victoria power she had run away with one of the at power s hope and there was mrs who went ever and was cousin to the duke her were as well known as well as s so the rose and comforted herself and proceeded to impart the news gradually among the house party her first was the old that is to say the old old the duke s grandmother who just then was staying with them run away with captain has she i thought something of that kind was going to happen oh cried why didn t you tell me tell you no no my dear they do say that there is no fool like an old fool but i have always believed in my own business i once interfered in a love affair and got abused for my pains i said then and i have stuck to it since that never would i interfere with anybody s love affairs again the young man is rich and well looking and hasn t a penny she has completely herself with him and quite the best thing that she could do was to run away with him i suppose that that little wife of his will divorce him and we must make follow them up and insist upon proper i shouldn t worry about it if i were you i am sure will be awfully angry oh well i he will but his being angry won t alter matters he will say it was my fault said the oh hard words break no bones returned with an indulgent air heart and sword for all her carelessness and her apparent indifference to the magnitude of the scandal occupied herself during the rest of the day by discussing it with the other ladies staying in the house a very good thing she remarked to one of her special that the little has gone off with young captain i wonder that was good natured enough to have her in the house with her pretty face and her bright ways she d have if it hadn t been for this i think he has done her an uncommonly good turn you haven t much opinion of your said her over the old lady s opinion of my indeed and i have just as much as i have of any other man which is that they re all as weak as water with hearts ready to fall like before the first pair of bright eyes that at them i have seen that precious young miss shoot her glances at dear old as she called him i think she s very well out of s road the duke s remarks were strangely characteristic what had you been doing to make her dissatisfied with her home he demanded angrily of the doing why i was most good to her most good i did everything for her just as if she had been my sister and i think she has behaved most in me like this it is rather a let down said he and i am aid people will make you feel it later on of course he won t be able to marry her with that wife of his in the background i should think his wife will only too gladly divorce him and get rid of him cried the angrily i am sure i only hope poor thing she won t blame me i thought she was quite too charming a great deal for him deserted ah you ve changed your tune since he saw the perfection of s charms cried the duke with a laugh truth to tell he was disgusted with the new state of he felt that it was hard upon his wife and yet his first instinct had been to blame her as being the cause of the scandal meantime a letter from had gone on its way to the i don t know what you will think of me or say to me it began without any pretence at i am writing to tell you that after this we can never be anything to | 30 |
each other again i have loved you very deeply but i think we made a mistake in trying to go against the usual custom which makes husbands and wives live together sharing one life and holding only the same interests i am just starting on my long leave i am going abroad i do not know whether i shall return to the regiment or not but i am not going alone miss has agreed to cast in her lot with me and i will leave you fi ee to live your own life as you choose if you wish to see they have power to act for me try in the e dear to think kindly of me i shall always be your friend received this letter by the mid day post some extraordinary instinct told her as she broke the envelope that it contained news of no common kind she read it with widely dilated eyes with a strange sensation knocking at her heart with oddly mingled feelings feelings in which relief shock distress pain and a new sensation of liberty were all curiously so himself had with hand cut the which bound them after a time she would be free practically so r as any tie of honour went she heart and sword was free now she wondered in a vague dull kind of way what this was like she wished that had thought of sending her photograph and then as the of the idea stood fully revealed to her her eyes suddenly filled with tears and she hid her face upon her hands and wept bitterly she was not grief stricken no it was a shock a a tearing asunder of which had been of late irksome and uncomfortable but her sensation was one of yes distinctly of relief no thought of entered her mind and yet it was as if he stood waiting at the door of her heart not venturing in and yet a presence which was there she never actually thought of him her whole mind and heart were occupied with the actual event of the moment she had not yet dried her eyes when came into the room with a don t you feel well madam has anything happened is anything the matter oh yes something dreadful is the matter with the master asked yes you will know all in time i i i can t speak of it yet i hope the master is not ill madam said in the best of health and spirits but he and i have done with each other dear dear dear exclaimed who was not in the least surprised perhaps the is to say that he has changed his mind madam thus reminded of the on s little tray took the and opened it it was fi om little coming up immediately arrive four o clock it said and was simply signed so they already knew she would have to go over it all with them well the sooner the better she wondered who was coming whether it would be the deserted i with his wise old mrs severe and perhaps full of blame to her the girls tearful oh it was a dreadful business but there was no use in she would have to go through with it as best she might she bade see that a bedroom was prepared in case any of the family wished to stay the night and she gave notice at the office that there would probably be extra people to dinner with her and at a quarter past four the door opened to admit them it was mrs who in large and stately wearing and dignified garments of velvet and fur which made her a presence caught a glimpse of the s pink distressed face behind her but mrs gave her no chance of speaking to him my poor child she exclaimed and two great wings of velvet edged with fur spread themselves out and the next moment was in an embrace which if maternal was nigh to my poor child we have come to you the and i without the delay of a moment what are we to say to you nothing said fi om the depths such a wife as you have been to him such a brave good devoted soul such an honour to us and for such a horrible thing to happen when everything was smiling and prosperous and you have plenty of money to do just what you like with oh my poor child we shall never get over it the and i never then she released and was able to turn her attention to her father in law god bless you my dear he said very solemnly i blush to come upon this errand i have been a kind and indulgent father to my children as you will bear me out and little did i ever think my dear that i should one day come to you and ask your forgiveness for having married you to my son heart and sword don t say that said we were very happy while it lasted perhaps it was my fault perhaps i ought to have given up my work when came into and there was no longer any need to think of money he wanted me to do so if i had been with him i don t think it would have happened true to the last said the speaking to his wife positively shivered my poor darling said mrs please don t said oh please don t try to be to me as if nothing had happened don t turn your back upon me altogether but don t say a word against i can t stand it don t make too much of me and pet me up it only makes me fed worse dear mrs i have been wrapped up in my own business i have | 30 |
made ever second to my profession a wife cannot do it and hold the same place as the wife who is a wife only i have drifted away from and has drifted away from me and it is all my fault my fault there was no reason why could not have given up his wretched regiment particularly when he came into castle i told him so when he told me that he had asked you to give up the stage i said i said it is preposterous to expect to give up when she is at the very top of the tree let her have five or ten years more and then she will be willing and glad to retire into private life you did cried indeed i did i think it would have been to expect you to give up such a great career such a great sphere of usefulness as the always said no my dear you know quite well that i was dead against your going on the stage when you first suggested it i was dead against it and perhaps i was not quite as kind deserted i to you as i ought to have been no looking back i don t think that i was but what i said i said for your good and when it was shown to me that it was for your good and for s good as well as for yours and when you showed me how good and distinguished and virtuous an could be then i withdrew my objections absolutely and a loyal friend i have been to you from that day to this and intend to be as long as i am alive you are too good said oh you are too good there is only one thing i have to ask of you don t make any difference to i entreat you don t let there be any difference to difference said mrs angrily and indeed there must and will be a difference will always be our son nothing can alter that but sons who run their course straight are not and ought not and never can be upon the same footing with their parents as the sons who have run their course we had no idea the and i that you and had ever been at we never have been cried what was this wholly unexpected wholly i was expecting him to spend his long leave here with me we had been intending that is to say he had proposed to go to paris and have a little trip together if i could arrange for my work to be taken as of course i could have done and would willingly and cheerfully have done and you knew nothing of what was going on not one word said not one single word as to a quarrel why dear mrs believe me and i never had a quarrel in our lives we have held different opinions as for instance he never liked my playing the part of prudence and we did not agree upon that point but we never quarrelled i would not could not have quarrelled with heart and sword but that is gone by now what is done cannot be undone and nothing can give me back the place that i once had nothing all i ask is that you make no difference or as little difference as you can with on account of this of this new tie of his she is very young and i believe she is very beautiful i never saw her i dined with the the cried mrs what the of with whom she lived she is her cousin didn t he tell you he told us nothing he told us nothing except that he had left you and formed a new tie with a girl called it is all that i know i may say it is all that i wish to know oh no don t say that some day you will receive her at all events don t let me stand in the way of your doing so it will only make me more wretched i will never receive this person in my house cried mrs indignantly perhaps some day you won t fed like that i don t know how to put it i would like to keep your friendship but i would like you to make no difference to him it will be hard enough on them by and by hard enough at this point the got up and walked to the window he is feeling it dreadfully said mrs in an aside to dreadfully i have never seen him so broken well my poor child my more than daughter we can never the and i thank you sufficiently for the kindness and consideration which you have shown to us in our hour of trouble may it come back to you a thousand fold we felt almost as if you would not be willing to receive us i have left the two girls at home they both wanted to ill news travels come they both begged and prayed to come but we told them that it would be better if we came to you first they naturally do not wish their with you to be broken and they both entreated me to say so and with her love begged me to tell you that if you could possibly bring yourself to attend her marriage as you had originally promised to do she hopes that you will not allow this new state of affairs to stand in the way thereof but cried will not be present at his sister s wedding said mrs with a severe dignity which made feel that this side of the affair was out of her hands and we would wish would wish and s | 30 |
would wish to show to the whole world while the affair is yet young that our sympathies go with you our son s and brother s wronged and deserted wife chapter ill news travels it had never been the custom of the and mrs to stay with when they found themselves in london they frequently came up for what the called the inside of a week when they always dined with her and paid her several morning or afternoon visits but they invariably put up at the same quarters in a small hotel in street on this occasion however when had brought in some tea and mrs had laid aside her garment asked where they meant to stay and as she had ordered a bedroom to be got ready whether they would care to use it i have told them at the that probably i shall heart and sword have guests for dinner this evening she said and the room is there if you wish it you see i did not know whether you or the or the girls would come or or indeed whether it might be any one else mrs s proud face quivered at the possibility suggested in this speech my dear we have as you know always gone to the same place in street but if you have really a bedroom for us we thought that it would be better for you didn t you dear if we were to stay here for a day or two it would show the whole world that we are for you and with you what do you think dear mrs said i don t know what i think i only know that i can never thank you sufficiently for all that you and the are and have been to me the room is ready and i shall be more than glad if you will occupy it you won t mind dining at six o clock with me will you my dear we mind nothing said mrs nothing at all we came straight here so that our modest luggage is actually downstairs in the office we felt that we could not lose one moment in getting to you any time that suits you for dinner will suit us and painful as it is to think of pleasure just now we would like to go to the to night to show ourselves so that people may know from the very first what our feeling is towards you glanced at the clock there was just time to to the theatre before the box office closed excuse me i will now she said and going across the room rang the bell in a few minutes the message was sent and answered and then rang her own bell for she said the and mrs are going to stay here to night the room is ready is it not ill news travels yes madam all ready very good and tell them in the that there will be two extra for dinner six o clock as usual madam asked oh yes six o clock there was a third very tiny sitting room in s charming flat and this communicated with the large room which had been prepared for the visitors dear she said you have only to turn this handle to make this room as warm as you wish and you can smoke here or do just what you like i think if i may suggest mrs you ought to lie down for an hour because you have been dreadfully upset to day and a little rest must be good for you i would like to write a letter dear mrs answered because the girls are waiting so anxiously to know how you are i may send them your love my dearest love said her lips quivering again but do rest dear mrs you will find everything for your letter but you should rest i will my dear i will indeed as the door closed behind the lady tiu ned to the she said there will be a heavy day of reckoning for our and unfortunate son to think that i was ever set against such a marriage and yet my dear it has not turned out well he said with his wonderful air of child wisdom thus released went back to her chair by the fireside although in a certain sense the presence of her and mother in law was painful to her she knew that their intention towards her was good and that their worldly wisdom was worth its weight in gold nothing would stand her in such good stead as the fact that immediately upon the receipt of the news of their son s with another woman his father and mother heart and sword had themselves instantly to his wife and had remained with her through the first bitterness of the separation and it was better mind you she was not the deserted wife that the family pictured the two had drifted away from each other so completely that it was little more to her than a when she found that he had given her up entirely for another woman they had not lived together sufficiently long at a time for matrimony to have become a habit with them as it so often does with those with whom the fires of love have burnt out as completely as the fire is burnt out in any extinct they dined quietly together and by consent did not any of them allude to the tragedy which had just loomed upon the family horizon went off to the theatre at her accustomed time and sent back the little that she used that her guests might go later that is to say in time for the performance everybody saw them everybody who knew anything of miss s domestic concerns of her private life knew that her husband s father and | 30 |
mother were up in the big box usually kept for and distinguished persons i say said as he came into the wing ready to go on when he had his cue do you see that the the and his wife are up there yes i knew they were coming i knew this afternoon miss to know if there was a good box empty then it isn t true what isn t true oh haven t you heard no i ve heard nothing i had better not say perhaps it isn t true said shutting his mouth tight and wishing heartily ill news travels that he had not let slip even those few words then he received his cue and passed on to the stage stood there idly watching the play and conscious that a figure and dean shaven pink face occupied the middle seat in the big box opposite what the devil did he mean his thoughts ran then it isn t true now what could the fellow mean by that he was so curious that when came off and disappeared in the direction of his dressing room he followed him knocking at the door and walking in in his usual friendly style i say he said sir said looking round from the dressing table with his hare s foot in his hand i say sir said smiling yes i know but what did you mean just now about what well about something not being true when you found that the and his wife were in front applied himself leisurely to the improvement of his countenance look here old fellow he said at last i let that slip i wish i hadn t said anything but what did you mean how curious you are well if you must know i met a fellow in st james s street to day who had just arrived from ireland he told me that there was the devil s own row to pay at towers the duke of s place because had run away with the s cousin a very beautiful girl considered one of the most beautiful girls in ireland gave vent to a long low whistle but heart and sword as his father and mother are here it is hardly likely to be true my dear fellow his father and mother being here in that way quite unexpectedly is about the most complete confirmation that you could possibly have of such a story i know miss expected that he would come for the first night on saturday because she told me particularly to keep a stall in the second row for him the stall he generally has jove what an upset if it s true and what a fool must be weu don t give me as the authority that s all said it may be true or it may not i only tell you for what it is worth and as that chap told me do you know the and mother oh yes then you d better go up and pay your respects to them i will that s a good idea the idea was no sooner received than acted upon went round to the little private door which gave access to the front of the house from the stage and made his way to the box in which were the and mrs they received him with much cordiality praised the play and said extremely pleasant things of the management generally and of in particular are you staying in town long he asked no only a few days won t you be here for on saturday i am afraid not said the saturday is an awkward day for me you see my dear i think we ought to come said mrs will there be room well as a matter of fact there won t be room but we must manage to make it said with a laugh we are always rather hard put to it on a first ill news travels night and this time there is an unusual rush for seats miss kept one stall for her husband but i am not sure whether she kept two or not i will ask her no no don t ask her said mrs rather nervously no i will tell her that if it is convenient she understands me so well you know mr i shouldn t like to put her about in any way she has so much on her mind just now i will tell her myself that possibly if she can do with us we will remain in town for the occasion the lady s eagerness and was so apparent that went out of the box presently fully of opinion that s story was true he went back to his place in the wings and stood there watching narrowly and presently when she came off she said to him i see you ve been up to speak to my father and mother in law yes he replied i have been trying to persuade them to come on saturday i think they would like to they said that they did not think it would be possible when i asked them said in reply what about my box oh we have put four people in that did you keep one stall or two for your husband i kept one said shortly but he won t be here really can t he get leave for a moment she looked as if she was going to break down then by an effort she pulled herself together and said look here you may as well know first as last they only want to come on saturday night out of kindness to me and to give me their countenance has left me a heart and sword then it is true he exclaimed then you had heard it ah i might have known that it | 30 |
care said you can do as vou like you would rather be free yes i would rather be free because i can never take back and it is better that he should be able to marry the other lady as soon as possible because until he does so of course he must remain at with you and his mother i suppose said the lawyer turning with a air to i suppose that you would not like to plead cruelty cruelty i from my husband she exclaimed then laughed outright for the first time since the news had came upon her i could hardly do that she said was never unkind to me in his life chapter heart or sword did not return to his regiment under the circumstances of course he could hardly do so as they had still another year to remain in the same quarters where he had met he could not take her back so near to towers and they were both so hopelessly in love with each other that even his much longed for command sank into beside the possibility of being parted from her so he sent in his papers and the white horse knew him no more he took her to but they did not show themselves about in the neighbourhood which was the wisest thing under the circumstances that they could do and then he followed the usual expedient of a man who wishes to keep a lady out of sight of the world heart and sword which has known her he bought a and prepared to start for an indefinite absence from his native shores it was before they started on this that had an interview with his they met in london at the old gentleman s hotel mrs refused to be present of the two it was the who looked the most uncomfortable and who seemed the most put out was happy wholly the positively blushed as they met i was obliged to ask you to meet me sir said in the possible manner before i leave england because i may be absent some time and it is absolutely necessary that i should leave some one in charge of my affairs that i can trust upon whom i can rely i have given every instruction that i can think of with regard to the estate but i want you to hold my power of attorney and to be very careful what you sign on my behalf i have made a new will and i have left to in the event of my death i hope that you have made suitable provision the the lady the lady said the a little over the word and his voice with each repetition i have made a large on miss said speaking quite calmly as if his relations with miss were the most ordinary thing in the world has attended to all that and the duke s people and and y our wife well i i haven t made any provision for her she is very well off and i take it that she would prefer that i did not do so she is extremely well off herself besides it would be a little wouldn t it with a lady who is trying her best to get rid of me to be leaving her heart or sword and so on by the bye you ll excuse me if i light a won t you i think that without that the would have got through the interview without being roused to boiling point if a trifle it represented to him an amount of which shocked and him i i didn t intend to speak of your wife he began much better not said nothing that can be said can alter anything there are some things thundered the that must be said and this is one of them you clearly understand that your mother and i from the first moment determined that we would stand by your wife in the sight of the whole world oh yes said very indifferently but you know is very well able to take care of herself i know nothing of the kind said the i know that i married you to this lady and you have deserted her she has been the most perfect of wives well yes she has perhaps just a shade too perfect it gets trying a time you know living up to it oh oh to think that i should ever live yes sir i know exactly what you are going to say i anticipated it before i asked for this interview but it is a little late in the day to go into that kind of thing and perhaps after a time you will feel that as things are they are best but you used to be fond of her said the suddenly dropping the tone and becoming s father all at once you are quite right sir i used to be and am still awfully fond of her but in a completely different way to what i am of miss to tell you the truth heart and sword he went on suddenly becoming confidential it was the of the life i couldn t stand the did you say the i fail to take you i don t understand the of s life that was what i said sir you don t know how narrow a life an lives they call it wide because they don t pay afternoon calls and they don t go to church on sunday but in reality it is a far life than we are used to living just at first it seems that there is something very free something very in the life which is led by people who make the stage the chief end and aim of their existence when came down to stay with me she was bored | 30 |
to death because she had to go and do the civil to all the women who had been civil to her it was what she called a narrow life to observe the outward of society as you must do if you are in society at all and at first i am bound to say that i with her and then i got to understand what a narrow cramped existence hers really was when i had leave i always had to eat my dinner at an hour that upset my because she had to go to the theatre either that or to dine and let her dine alone i always had either to seek my own amusement in the evening without her or else to go and watch the same piece time after time until i was bored to death and could not even admire her as i would to night and when she did go out with me i always had to do the civil to a lot of that she said would be useful to her fellows one couldn t ask to the mess table impossible people but they were useful and they had to be made much of and by jove i had to do it she always had to think of everything she ate and drank and wore to count every word she said for fear of giving offence to somebody oh i couldn t stand the horrid of the life it me and heart or sword then was so wrapped up in her acting that she didn t care anything more about me and she was always worrying me to leave the service and i didn t want to leave the service but you have left it r i have that is true sir but i never felt for miss as i feel for miss i would count it happiness to give up a great deal for miss a great deal more than a mere command if you could see her i have no wish to see her said the neither has your mother neither have your sisters there is no occasion she doesn t wish to see them said i have no doubt that miss does not wish to see us said the very stiffly we would indeed be ill fitting company for a lady such as she is i don t know that you would get on said probably not at all events we will not quarrel over that as miss has no wish to be received by my people or even to prevent my seeing them she is quite indifferent on the subject she only thinks of me i entreat you not to quarrel with me to day i am going away for a long time i am sorry that my marriage has not turned out more to your satisfaction but it is not entirely my fault and i take it that it is more honest to do what i have done than to go on wearing a chain that at every step i don t know whether it i do know that it me between ourselves i don t think she cared very much at all events she is anxious to release herself from me so my lawyers tell me i don t know said the that she is actually that we went to her your mother and i as soon as we knew what had happened she made no fuss it is true but then she is not the kind of girl who would make a noisy fuss and when i said to her that she would heart and sword of course wish to free herself she said yes she might as well because it would be better if you married the other lady as soon as you could not many women i think my son would take such a tone at such a moment and you must excuse me if i say to you that i think you have made a great mistake laying aside the wickedness of the offence you have committed against morality putting that question entirely upon one side i think that you have been greatly mistaken and sorely ill advised to allow yourself to leave such a wife wife with whom you could find no fault excepting that you had to be civil to certain people who were useful to her you maybe right said i don t say that you are not but the die is cast there is no going back again even if i were free now she would not take me back and if she would i should despise her too much to care to go we are as we are it is easy for you who have not had the particular kind of temptation which has assailed me to say that i am wholly wrong well perhaps i am at all events i will and indeed i must abide by what i have done and for the moment i am content by the bye tells me it will be years before can get her divorce it is a process which takes time said the so i am told at the end of two years she will have to apply for a of rights it seems awfully humiliating said it is all humiliating replied the in his most tones then the interview came to an end you are my son said the and therefore i will shake hands with you because i have always held it as a theory that parents should be ready to receive their children back at any time no matter what they have done or what there happens to be against them because nothing can take away the tie of blood i will take your heart or sword hand but if you were not my son i should refuse it under almost any other circumstances would have flung aside the proffered | 30 |
hand as it was he took it muttered his thanks and with a hasty good bye left the room the sat down at the table and cried like a child after this simply passed out of the life of those who had been up to that time his nearest and dearest the sailed away and i had almost said was heard of no more messrs the good old family lawyers who had charge of captain s affairs were the only people who received any news of the and its occupants to them and to his wrote with tolerable regularity now called mrs held no communication whatever with a single person whom she had known in her former life outwardly the life of miss the was not altered in any way whatsoever she had no correspondence to keep up with an absent husband but the daily routine of her existence went on in precisely the same way as it had always done when she could get away for a sunday she went to little as she had done in former times or to stay with her law now mrs violet spent a great deal of her time at the just as she had been used to do she never wrote to never mentioned him or his companion and the only thing that happened out of the ordinary run of life was that about three months after s departure the of went to see s wife dear mrs she said when she was ushered unexpectedly into s presence i did not send in my heart and sword name because i thought that it was just possible you would not receive me oh but why said why my dear mrs the reason is alas too obvious i was determined that you should see me because i wanted to make you really feel that i had no hand no voice nothing whatever to do in the dreadful thing that has happened that has all our lives especially yours poor child i assure you dear mrs the whole affair came like a upon me of course the people in the house said when it had happened and there was no mistake about it that they had seen it all along but then you know there are always a certain number of people who are wise after the event it is so easy to be that i told them and i meant it that they might have taken a leaf out of the marriage service and either told me at the time or for ever after held their peace will you believe me mrs it was upon my honour as great a blow to me as it could have been to you not the same trouble of course i would not pretend to say that for one moment not as great a shock but quite as great a surprise dear said why should i not believe you i don t suppose for one moment that you liked to have your cousin run away with my husband do as we will it is a blot upon both of us for the rest of our lives a blot upon me that i was not perhaps as much to him as i might have been a blot upon you because you did not see what was going on but if you did not see how can you be to blame i shall never dream of you besides she went on with a sigh all the blame in the world will not give us back what we had once you will let me be your said the half hesitatingly my friend don t you think that however kind you are it will always be painful to us to meet heart or sword when we meet let us be always pleasant and civil and kind and if we have the chance either of us of doing a good turn to the other let us make a compact to do it but to be friends isn t that impossible after a while when when when your cousin is oh well when she is nothing can her said the no perhaps not not in the eyes of the world that would be impossible but with you to a certain extent you and the duke will forgive what she has done you will overlook this foolish thing as fer as you can and you will forgive them when they are married i may as well say the word although is really my husband yet i mean is my husband yet you will forgive him and you will ask them to towers and they will ask you to and then it would be very awkward if i were in any sense intimate with you there is nothing to be gained by it we are better apart you and i i appreciate your kindness to the very full i understand your generous motive but i think we shall be better if we make no pretence at intimacy it can only lead to difficulties and in a certain sense to but i thank you yes with all my heart i thank you and shall always do so for a moment the was silent she was young and beautiful she had the warm irish heart as she had the blue grey irish eyes and there were tears upon her dark lashes as she put out her hands to the whose place her cousin had dear mrs she said i wish that i could have stopped this i wish that you could be my friend i shall always think of you as true and good never for your talents perhaps you are right perhaps it would be better not to try and what must be almost impossible but my dear i would like to kiss you just once for yourself and for your goodness heart and sword she | 30 |
stooped from her greater height and kissed the very tenderly then the door opened and violet wearing a big hat with many feathers and much wrapped in came unexpectedly into the room oh i did not know you had any one here she said half in apology for the suddenness oi her entrance for a moment hesitated don t go violet she said i i didn t know whether you were in or not this is the of this is my sister in law violet chapter xxx love making the london season that year was an especially busy and brilliant one and in the social rush and turmoil which a brilliant season means the scandal was as completely forgotten as if it had never taken place forgotten that is to say by the outside world the current of affairs at the was undisturbed the piece put on in the early part of the year filled the bill until quite late in the season when by general request other pieces in the were given an that the public might see them again they that is miss and had arranged a tour for the autumn and opening at in the middle of october their season at the would end with the last day of july and the theatre was let for the time that they would be away this would give them all the chance of two months solid holiday which so far as miss and were concerned had become an absolute love making necessity it was during the revival of a harvest of roses that first mentioned the subject of his holiday to his where are you going to spend your holidays he asked when they were making talk in the famous terrace scene i am going to and the italian lakes she replied oh are you are you going quite alone no my sister in law violet is going with me how charming i think you are quite wise to get right away from england it is so much greater change to be in a different country hearing a different language living a different life and gaining new impressions while you get mental rest and what are you going to do she inquired i i have not the least idea as yet i have fifty invitations none of which i mean to accept i can t stand going to country houses and having to be en the whole time i must have a holiday from every kind of duty to tell you the truth i have never been so in my life as i am just now i don t know whether i shall not run out to america and back just for the trip shook her head resolutely there would be very small holiday in that she said with decision why you would be the whole time on board of a vessel with people who know who you are and what you are they would you to death to read or to or do other horrible things it would be like a regular house party with the chance of earning yourself a reputation for real if you did not make yourself agreeable all round you are right said he then he received his cue and the conversation came to an end in truth it was not so much his work as the effort at heart and sword continual which was affecting him so strongly in an ordinary way would have told of his love months before but there was always about her a sense of reserve always a certain air of which kept him resolutely at arm s length he did not know he had not the slightest idea whether she cared for him or not he only knew that he was consumed by an overwhelming devouring all passion for her it would have been easier for him if he had not been in the same theatre with her or even if he had not been so to the front in the same piece as their position was all the interest all the main interest i should hung upon the two the great love interest in each play lay in their hands it was a hard situation for a man over head and ears in love as he was to have to be night after night week after week month after month making love to the woman whom he would naturally have made love to in her own person after the disappearance from the scene of s visits to the had been diminished at first he had shrunk from his presence upon in her hour of desolation then some instinct told him that he would be wiser and more considerate towards her if he was associated with her in his private capacity as little as possible not for worlds would he have done anything which would prevent her obtaining her freedom and if he were known to be at her house as frequently as he had formerly been there was no knowing that such a circumstance might not count against her legitimate interests so he scarcely ever went there alone when violet was staying with he took the opportunity of paying his respects to the two ladies and partly from his extreme and towards her it entered into s mind that violet was the attraction which brought him to her house after this idea had come into her mind she watched her love making sister in law closely certainly it seemed to be true her suspicions appeared to be well founded he invariably made his appearance as soon as violet had settled herself down and violet who to tell the truth always looked upon in his private capacity of the honourable edward always flushed up prettily crimson and appeared her most charming self she of course knew nothing of that passionate declaration on the way down to she knew nothing of s overwhelming love for how should | 30 |
she have done so the little game played itself on in the fulness of her self even went the length of making opportunities for the pair who seemed to be drifting surely and steadily along the river of to the high sea of marriage it would be very hard to describe her feelings at this time she was wed yet no wife she was alone yet not free a being with whom love had sadly gone wrong it was curious that she never blamed never even in her own heart he had loved her once of that there could be no doubt she only doubted whether he had loved her with the overwhelming affection which he seemed to have for the other one that other wife who had proved her affection for him so much more really than ever had felt herself able or willing to do for him had given up the world while had refused point blank to give up one single thing i was wedded to my art she told herself sadly and it cost me my husband during this time she gave a great deal of thought to the events of the past much more than to the probable of the future and the more she thought about her relations with the more certain was she that neither he nor she ever really felt the one for the other anything approaching to love real love that divine feeling which all other senses which counts heart and sword as all interests but its own we could not have done she argued to herself why people who love would give up home position wealth everything for love and for love alone as she did i never felt like that i never even for a moment entertained the idea of giving up the stage for never gave up what was but an idea for me the hope that he would one day be in command of his regiment we were happy enough while it lasted oh yes but it was the happiness that takes what there is to take the love that accepted without question made no effort was prepared for no sacrifice it was a passive rather than an active love she had come during those few months of loneliness to believe that happiness of a personal kind was not for her after all she argued i have had my glory i have lived i live in every character i my own personal life is lived every night when they call me to crown me afresh with success and fame for the rest it is not for me it is for the woman who can live in her love live in her love alone who can give her lover an heart who can rest content and satisfied to live one perpetual sweet romance as for the other one her thoughts back to that night when had spoken out as for that other one he never meant it he was carried away we make love so often to each other behind the that he forgot and mixed up the of with the r le of a harvest of roses it was natural enough he will marry violet and they will be happy oh so happy because she will be his wife only she has no there will be no division of interest she will be all his his only his alone and she will value him i hope she will value him as such a man deserves to be valued i suppose it would be unnatural if my husband had valued me as it seems only natural and proper a wife love making should value an artist husband perhaps if had been content to sit down and sink himself in my life i should not have cared for him as much even as i did and yet it would have been wholly sweet and i should have been ever grateful for such devotion but it would have been too much to expect of any man well well i have had my one earnest try at marriage i have had my flash of a more real and genuine passion both have failed me for the rest of my life i will live for my art for my name i will live my own life alone he will marry violet and i shall get used to it by and by it s nothing when you are used to it v and yet when came again and she saw violet flush up and show off all her graces and charms she did feel it she could not help feeling it she was not the that she made herself out to be she was a veritable woman in spite of her art the art that was supposed to every feminine weakness every womanly desire but she had set her feet on a certain path by a promise to herself which to her was sacred that she would stand by and as a sort of punishment for her own assist in the happiness of her sister in law and the man whose love would have been wholly precious to her and although the path was and the way steep and difficult she trod it with firm footsteps and crushed down one difficulty after another until she had reached almost the highest of self where are you going for your holiday mr cried violet one afternoon when he was as usual at the i don t know miss violet i really don t know he replied i know where i want to go but one cannot always do what one wants and what do you want to do she asked she had a little way wholly peculiar to herself of clasping her heart and sword hands and putting them down upon her knees and then of looking down at the rings which adorned them | 30 |
other and in the end richard asked her to marry him to go from little to be the mistress of the old house where she would be his queen and violet all her little all her little airs and graces having disappeared into thin air answered yes was almost beside herself when she heard the truth you have accepted him she cried and you care for him i do and you are going to marry him lam and what about the other one what other one mr oh violet s tone was suddenly comprehensive oh i don t think you need worry about him dear he took both my hands when we told him the news wished me all the happiness the earth could give clapped dick on the back called him old fellow said he d be his best man and i don t think you need worry he hides it very well if he ever felt anything you are cruel violet no i don t think so i don t think i am cruel i don t wish to be cruel i don t think he cares if he heart and sword does i can t help it he had the first chance he should have asked me sooner mind you i don t know that i would ever have taken him and i don t think he ever had any intention of asking me no anyway there s dick looking for me i must go bye bye as she disappeared round the corner of the hotel came out the balcony where was sitting have you heard the news he asked chapter reluctance when asked if she had heard the news she rose up hurriedly her face of concern her eyes shining with infinite pity and dismay oh she said oh i am so sorry i am so sorry he looked at her in absolute astonishment you are sorry he exclaimed but why dick is one of the best fellows i ever knew in my life his family is he is extremely wealthy he is good looking he is madly in love what more would you have but you she faltered a little smile crept about the comers of his dean shaven mouth my dear were you thinking that i had an eye to the radiant violet of course i was the smile deepened into a laugh how well i must have played my part he said is it possible that i deceived even you why my dear my dear did you think that i was that reluctance night on the way down to did you think that i did not mean every word that i said did you dream for one moment that having loved the sun i would be content with the mere reflection oh how little you have seen or how w ell i must have played my you care for me she breathed is it likely that a man who had cared once for you would look at another oh he exclaimed as she shrank back and put her hand involuntarily over her eyes oh forgive me forgive me i said it without thinking or rather i spoke for myself well having broken the ice i will say all that is in my mind dearest my own and only love i spoke for myself only i have loved the sun and only the sun will satisfy me in the future we cannot all love the same thing we cannot all hold the same i have never spoken of to you before he could not have loved you as i do he was content in a life that me he loved better than me put in but not so well as the other one well that s as it may be in any case it is no use although i have held my tongue all these months although i have never hinted a word of my desires have never spoken of never so far as i know alluded to the past in any way whatsoever it is no use for you and me to be with each other and making believe that there is nothing between us i was not sure that you cared for me until a few days ago and what told you then i can hardly tell you a look an of your voice a something that told me that i had not loved in vain all these hard and trying months oh miss violet is very pretty and she is very bright and and is gone clean gone but she me no more than the little which about the heart and sword floor me beyond the moment while i watch it play and i she began you you and i were made for one another you and i came into the world twin of one soul it was a mistake that you married mistakes are made every day in that way you know that it was the greatest mistake either of you ever made it is hard almost impossible to believe that did not appreciate you when he had you but that is his nature he is no more responsible for that than i am responsible for liking you better than violet and you really love me asked no he said i you i worship you i you love is too poor a term but do you think she said still incredulous of her own good fortune do you think that you will always feel the same don t you think that there is something about me that makes a man tire said just the same as you say he could not live without me he wanted to go to india making sure that i was safe that nobody else would come along and steal the jewel that he don t you think that if if you were married to | 30 |
me you would feel the same that he felt i don t i am certain that i should not and i are wholly different in temperament you and i have every interest in common with you had every interest in contradiction your life you to keep in london his was to drag about in country quarters your interests lie chiefly with people his well a soldier s chief interest is in country house invitations big shoots the notice of and the of his ambition is being commanded to dine and sleep at you both had the same to your he in being commanded to dine at you in being commanded to play there but up to that point reluctance the road is wholly different you could only meet each other there and as he was never commanded to dine and sleep and you were never commanded to play your roads the ways of your interests never met but but she began has it ever struck you did you never think that you have fixed your affections upon a woman who is not free i never forget it he replied surely not so sure do you know that there is never a day that i don t think what a dreadful course lies before me that i have to go into court and ask for my husband to come back to me ask him to take me back to sue for it as a right it is a mere he said oh but is it think of the humiliation i assure you that sometimes when i wake in the night and think about it i could find it in my heart to wish that he that he had struck me my dear you take too literal a view altogether it is a mere question of a means of satisfying the law it is the only road to the only door by which you can reach the haven of happiness it would cost so much to open it said she well that may be so but the cost will buy so much happiness for us both and you must try to look ahead and think of the happiness in store not of the mere disagreeable necessity of the moment to me the greatest is that in any case we must wait so long i feel said she trying hard to speak in a natural and indifferent voice i feel as if i were you to allow that there is any possibility of happiness for us i feel as if i were doing a mean and thing all round when i allow that i at least when i let you think that i will one day marry you do you mean that heart and sword oh my dear how can you ask me such a question he exclaimed reproachfully you are not kind when you imply a doubt of that sort you know that my only earthly hope is that i may one day marry you as for being mean all round nothing you could do would be mean to he has deliberately cut his bond with you asunder and he leaves it for you to set yourself and him free to form what fresh ties you both will he has a duty before him you have not that but you have your life to live and you have to live it without him i know so well what you are feeling he went on you are beset with some kind of idea that all this wretched business is your fault cannot you put that out of your mind perhaps it was your fault inasmuch as that you were given up to your art so far perhaps it was hard upon that he had a wife whose aim in life was not the same as his own but it was equally hard upon you and you had got so much further in your profession than he had done or was ever likely to do in his that the hardship fell more hardly upon you of the two we would not go about and say we are engaged we are going to be married as soon as we may be no because i believe the absurd law demands that you shall have no such intention when you seek the freedom which your husband has already in morality and in truth given to you everybody knows that the marriage laws and the divorce laws are in an absurd and state i would alter them he went on oh how i would alter everything that has to do with marriage and divorce well to begin with i would have divorce as it stands now excepting that the cause which allows a man to divorce his wife should be sufficient for a wife to divorce her husband and i would have with no on either side i would allow any couple who reluctance could provide for the children of their marriage provide for them in an adequate manner that they should be brought up in the same sphere in which they had been born to their marriage with no on either side we are told that marriages are made in heaven i have always thought he said speaking very seriously that heaven has proved itself a bad matrimonial agency i have an uncle who to my certain knowledge has not spoken to his wife for years they live in the same house they are an ordinary reasonable decent couple they entertain large and talk to each other at dinner talk in quite an ordinary manner and call each other my dear and so on but privately they have not spoken for years and i think that my uncle s wife would take a visit to her private sitting room as the most deadly insult that he could offer her now why do this couple go | 30 |
may agree i would willingly come home at once but violet seems to think she is bound to miss she is writing to you herself upon this point and violet wrote that much as she longed to present her dear dick to her father and mother she felt that was so thoroughly in need of a holiday that it would be absolutely cruel to it by a single day so she contented herself by sending several excellent photographs and begging them to trust in her judgment and believe that fate had sent her the most perfect man in the world for her husband so the four on together no longer making any pretence of not being of one party the lovers were terribly lover like and and were thrown entirely upon each other s resources it was a glorious time for them all the only was that poor was troubled from time to time with of conscience that haunted her chiefly in the dark hours of the night which sent her down to breakfast with dark rings round her eyes and a subdued look which sometimes made violet feel that she was the most selfish girl that had ever been born i believe she said to dick one day when was looking more wan than usual i believe that she has never got over it at all she seems to suffer more as the days go on and when there is no work to do which will keep her mind occupied she sits and and and it seems cruel for you and me to be so happy when the she has lost everything that made life pleasant and perfect for her was he good looking your brother oh yes good looking enough a fool to throw over such a woman have you seen the other one oh no i thought you might have known her before they say she is very beautiful i see no fault to find with s looks violet cried but it s the way with men and false most of them are and i hate she exclaimed suddenly changing her tone and into english i hate a man that doesn t know which side his bread is on chapter the two englishmen were strolling along the of a little town on the coast the time was early spring just two years after the great tragedy of desertion had come into s life yes was the reply of his companion we are having a wonderful spring this year by the bye what s that the first speaker shaded his eyes with his hand and peered out over the wide stretch of sea before them it looks like an english he answered and a at that they stayed at the end of the watching the white vessel make her way steadily towards them io heart and sword she s a beauty said one of the men to the other as the passed under them on her way into the inner harbour what s her name the one with the eyes of the two peered again at the name painted on the bows he made out the other man gave vent to a low whistle by jove you don t say so let us go along the and get a nearer look at the lady she is the beautiful there was such a scandal about you remember the scandal no i don t remember anything about it what not the husband of miss the who ran away with the of s cousin don t you remember h h yes they said she was the most beautiful girl in ireland let us go down and try to get a glimpse of her the two men turned and began to walk back along the i wonder if she was the lady standing on the deck i suppose so they would hardly be likely to have another lady on board with them and that wasn t a maid meantime the was gliding into the inner harbour where always lay when visiting the town was standing aft and was beside him it s a queer quaint little place she said as they went past the picturesque french houses with their tall and windows oh very quaint he replied i wonder if there s a decent hotel what do you say only that these french are after us for their harbour sir was the reply with a jerk of his hand towards a boat in the water below in which three men the were sitting they are going to berth us here it will be nice and snug and most convenient there was the usual running to and fro and with ropes which seems necessary to the of a and stood watching the operation with the greatest interest and the two englishmen who had strolled along for the purpose of getting a good look at were able to satisfy their curiosity by jove she s a beauty said one to the other in an i can t see her very well said the second man my sight isn t as good as yours ten minutes later however he did have a chance of his friend s opinion for and left the and walked slowly together along the in the direction of the principal streets she was young and tall with a slight elegant figure a very beautiful likeness of her cousin the her dress was of neat blue her hat of sailor shape she wore a pink shirt and tan shoes and gloves nothing could have been more simple and than her costume and yet every detail was so perfect and so well worn by which i do not mean shabby but rather shown to advantage that she was a figure whom nobody could pass without observation as they walked briskly away along the towards the town turning to look at her saw that her brilliant face was clouded | 30 |
what is the matter my beloved he said tenderly she sighed again oh she said slipping her hand under his arm how good it is to walk on dry land once more isn t it i am afraid you are very tired of the no i am not i love the but to be always aboard of her is like living always in s bedroom that is all heart and sword you are to be at home again he said i am i long to walk about english streets to hear english voices to see all the commonplace english things that i used not to think much of i m awfully oh by and by when things are settled and arranged we will go home it will be a for you just at first i but if it you well it will be worth it perhaps we shall have a letter by the mail today there are sure to be a waiting for us i can t think what they are doing he went on impatiently to be so long getting things settled i thought that it was quite easy it always seemed so with other people anyway sweetheart looking at her anxiously you are not sorry that you gave up the world for me oh no surely not it is only that we have been away so long we seem to have travelled all the world over everywhere but at home and i am i am just a bit that is all nothing to worry about only as i told you rd like to be at home again that s all she made a visible effort to be cheerful and herself again it was not often that her brilliant face was clouded or the sunny brightness of her radiant nature her gay and unaffected irish nature as a rule was able to throw off every feeling of care or of but sometimes feelings arose which could not be stifled and somehow why or wherefore she could not have told this town had aroused them all and had set her beating for the mother country which she had abandoned she recovered her spirits as they reached the street in which the principal shops were to be found they went gaily in and out making purchases here and there and finally arrived back on board of the just as the dusk was falling have you j een to the post office captain asked the steward the yes sir the bag is in the saloon i wonder said to whether there will be any news there was a goodly bundle of letters and he turned them out upon the table and hurriedly searched them over with nervous fingers that trembled in spite of himself yes there was a letter his lawyers a thick and one and he tore it open while sat on the arm of his big chair and read it over his shoulder dear sir it began we duly received your last letter of date march th and note that you will be in about the rd we regret exceedingly to have to inform you that we have made no progress with your affairs we have mrs s lawyers several times and we are convinced that they have done their best to matters in the direction that you wish the difficulty lies in the fact that mrs cannot bring herself to ask for a of rights apparently this is purely a conscientious scruple as mrs admits to her lawyers that she would gladly be free this unfortunate attitude on her part renders our efforts absolutely futile we are not in a position naturally to do anything further in the matter the action must come from the other side and if mrs to proceed further we are rendered powerless we believe that her legal have done their best to overcome this scruple because they felt that it would be better for all parties that a dissolution of your marriage should be brought about as speedily as possible we are extremely sorry to have no better news to send you and we will spare no efforts to try even yet to bring about a different state of affairs we are yours co heart and sword for full five minutes dared not look at he sat staring at the letter and she sat still upon the arm of his chair her hand resting on his shoulder her beautiful face her eyes widely dilated then she suddenly in a heap on the floor and hung her head down upon his knee oh take me home she i don t want anything but to go home i am so tired of being on the i am so tired of foreign people i am tired of everything but you i want to go home do take me home he drew her into his arms and soothed her by every tender word that he knew of course i will take you home he said we have only stayed away out of consideration for you for myself i don t care in the least how people look or what people say it was for you that we went away dearest and if you wish it for you we will go back again we must stay here the night but we will go tomorrow if you like you would rather go by the than by the ordinary boats if you like we will cross to night to she looked up eagerly i don t think i felt it so much she said a sob catching her breath until i was so near when i was hundreds and thousands of miles away i did not feel it so terribly but to be so near to be almost within sight oh it is dear boy let us leave the here let us go to night without the delay of a moment don | 30 |
t think me silly i have been away so long i want to go home i want to eat an english dinner i want to buy some english clothes i want to be in england again then we will cross to night it is all quite simple tell to pack your things and to be ready to go when the boat starts i think it is at one or half past one she was but a gay butterfly of a thing for his consent the served to put her into the highest and most brilliant of spirits she went about the choosing such things as she would want giving directions to and ever and anon a gay snatch of song was on her lips they went and dined in the town and by midnight all was ready for their journey so and went back to london again oh how good it is to be in london on an april morning she cried as they sat at breakfast in an hotel in oh what a sense of life how lovely it all is after all there is no place like london is there poor poor the words were scarcely out of her mouth when the door opened and two ladies walked into the room the one was the old of the other a young girl who had been in former days one of s most intimate friends oh cried jumping up and running to meet the old lady the old drew herself up and deliberately pushed her companion behind her excuse me she said i am the of i don t know you there is no reason began who had left his chair sir i do not know you interrupted the with a cold glance i have no wish to know you or your companion be good enough not to intrude yourselves upon us further for a moment stood like one then with a wild glance at she turned and went swiftly out of the room before he followed her he uttered one sentence to the old lady who was still standing in an attitude both scornful and i heart and sword you might have spared her that your grace he said between his teeth and then turning on his heel he too went out of the room he found lying upon her bed in an agony of distress and humiliation oh take me away take me back again she cried i have had more than enough of london i was so happy this morning take me back i will never ask to come again never never so the two went back to the still l ring in the basin at would not set foot on shore again after she had once gone aboard of the take me away take me where i shall never see english people any more was all that she would say i forgot i have been so long with you and so much to you that i forgot altogether that i am what the world calls a thing of shame i don t feel shameful i don t feel wicked but i suppose i am if you are i am he interrupted well i suppose we are you are wicked and i am wicked and our sin has found us out but i don t feel so i don t feel any different to what i was before and when looked at me with eyes that went through my very soul it was as if god himself was looking at me the very heart within me turned to water and i wish i could have died there and then no no you mustn t say that i won t have you say such things he interrupted she turned her great grey eyes upon him am i still so precious to you she asked wistfully he caught her in his arms oh my dear do you need to ask that question is not my whole life an answer surely surely surely nearly three months had gone by after a few days the during which the stores of the were the had sailed out between the at and set her towards the summer seas the two aboard of her had given up all hopes of any reconciliation with those at home of any of s lost name miss was still holding out against her happiness and s freedom nothing could be done and since had proved so sensitive to the opinion of the world they had no choice but to sail here and there two human ships morally drifting about on life s ocean whither the winds of fate and fancy chose to take them three months had gone by and those on board of the beautiful white had come to find themselves in a sad situation those who sail the seas must meet with foul weather sometimes they had been in the past singularly fortunate having missed at least a dozen storms by what called the skin of their teeth but now they were in for it at last and the soul of was sick within her shall we live through it she asked when he came down into the saloon to see how she was oh yes he answered cheerfully the thinks the worst of it is over but the cheerfulness was assumed and the answer was a lie the knew that the worst was not over and that in any case their chance was but a slender one so the hours dragged on the dainty vessel straining and groaning gallantly along along the way to destruction why it a few hours went by and went down in search of for the last time he caught her in his arms dearest he said i have bad news for you you gave up all for me because we were everything to each other tell me that you have not repented | 30 |
r sisters had a and i though so much younger had my lessons with her just as my second sister was beginning to think about coming out my father died quite suddenly i don t mean that he was found dead or anything of that kind he came home one evening shivered a little said he thought he had taken a chill and never left the house again till he was carried out feet foremost i remember there were in all the papers saying with regret that sir edward had passed away after a few days illness of then followed a brief outline of his career and an expression of sympathy with his widow and a self made children it was not for several years after that the world really knew my father s full worth for then it that the man who had held the supreme knowledge of certain affairs had passed away in him and there was nobody in the then government or department which looked after such matters who was in any way able to replace him i don t suppose if they had found this out at the time of my father s death that it would have made a sixpence of difference to my mother s she had that which was usually given to men of my father s rank in the government service and she had a certain amount of money of her own we were not poverty stricken she had eight or nine hundred a year and if it seemed hard to her to make shift with it instead of an income of three times as much why i am afraid from my present knowledge of human nature that she would not have been by anybody considered a reasonable object of pity we left the smart house where we had lived ever since i could remember and took possession of one in what my sisters called the wild west it was a horrid change i remember so well how dreary i thought the unknown streets how detestable the railway station and the railway how the new house and my child s soul passionately for the park all through that long hot summer some of our relations said that my mother would have been much wiser if she had gone to live at at my dear they said you will be able to live in quite as good style as you did in london it is not necessary in to keep a carriage and you a self made have always had a carriage in london i am afraid you will miss it terribly indeed i don t know how will get about in society without one other people do said my mother with a sweet smile i don t think i could go to live at i have always lived in london does not suit my health besides i should be in exile i shall get used to doing without the carriage during the time that i cannot be about and i have many friends who keep carriages i think they will often remember that i have one no longer so we went to live in the wild west mother and i we three girls at this time was twenty she being the eldest of the family then came my brother then and then i coming last of all as the baby i have told miss said my mother to about a month after my father s death that she must look out for another situation now that is well turned seventeen we can consider her as finished you darling child she went on you keep up your music and your singing and even your painting you must not drop you can have masters for them and besides does not need so a as miss and who is to teach said oh i don t know dear perhaps a young lady can come in for the mornings you might send her to school said no not to school said my mother decidedly i hate schools and besides they are not for people of position lo a self made in that one short sentence my mother struck the of her life she had always been entirely by class and position not to school she repeated quite severely for her i don t think a finishing like miss is necessary for a child of s age and besides that i heard her say in a discreet she will not be as dependent on accomplishments as some g i wondered what she meant i did more than wonder i got up and looked at myself in the nearest pier glass i was not so much unlike the other girls that i knew i was rather tall for my age and it was true my legs stuck out of my black frock like sticks out of an umbrella that my hands were bony and my elbows were sharp and my shoulders were not unlike a knife but then half the girls of my own age that i knew suffered from the same characteristics i could not make it out i looked in the glass again my hair was red i had always known that i was used to it i was with it why even when we went to paris for a month the servants in the hotel where we stayed knew me as la p la but that couldn t possibly have anything to do with my education with what was necessary and what was not necessary i looked again i was no beauty with my little round pink and white face and my little nose however be that as it may there was no doubt about mother s opinion because she repeated her words it is not as if will be as dependent upon accomplishments as other girls a self made ii i | 30 |
don t know said shortly on which laughed and said something in a tone about the ugly however the end of it all was that left our pleasant house by the park and took up our abode in west leaving miss behind us she parted from us with regret although my mother had a most excellent situation for her with some very rich friends of ours at any time dear lady were her last if you have any need of me send for me and i will come thank you my dear you are most kind i will not lose sight of you said my mother in her most kindly tones looking back from my grown up stand point i know that my mother must have felt the change horribly but she had set herself the task of settling in life three practically daughters for what would my mother s few hundreds a year be when out among five nothing or what would count as nothing in the great market of matrimony in which the most careful the most skilled and the most perfect good are necessary for any chance of success of course i did not this then nor indeed until long years had gone by i only thought our new house was rather i only thought it was rather fun to live in a little house with a maid instead of a man to wait at table and so that summer went by and i never had any definite plan laid down for my education for one thing i was a very delicate child overgrown a self made and weakly i had a wretched appetite my sleep easily disturbed and i generally had a pain somewhere if i had not got a headache i had a bad cold if it was not a bad cold it was a sore throat if not a sore throat the and if neither a headache a cold nor a sore throat nor the it was probably a touch of or a pain in my back no we re not giving much attention to lessons just now my mother explained during the rest of the summer and what with the change since my dear edward was taken away and the heat and the having to wear mourning poor darling and one thing or another i thought it would be better to let her run wild for a change she is not going to be a you know and i don t want her to pass any horrible or to go to and be a terrible fast new woman whom no one will ever want to marry i am not worrying about just now she is giving her attention to growing strong and by and by when we go down to the country she will be out in the open air all day long and she will get quite rosy and strong and then we can begin to talk about lessons oh she is very well on for her age for her age said my mother crushing down some remark about waste of time chapter ii the engagement of the first engagement in a family of girls is always an important event we did go down to the country that summer not waiting for the end of the season of course as my mother and sisters were not visiting at all but leaving town as soon as the new house had been fairly well set in order we took a cottage near to some old friends of my mother s they lived in a beautiful park on the banks of a lovely river well i think i should be more correct in saying that they lived in a house which stood in a park that stretched down to the banks of a river which ran through some of the loveliest country in england the were very rich very kind and very delighted that my mother had chosen to spend her summer holidays near to them they indeed had first proposed it come down into our neighbourhood dear lady there is such a charming cottage belonging to our doctor who is very rich and will let you have it for practically nothing he bought it for his son who married a very rich american woman who hates the country and wanted to live in a flat in paris she called it so there is the dear old doctor with a house thrown on his hands which his son and his wife only occupy for about six weeks in the year a self made eventually we took the house that was despised of the american lady and a jolly change it was after that tower in west i should like to have stayed there for ever there were three spacious sitting rooms and a big entrance hall with a table in the middle and several and and things of that kind there were seven or eight airy and servants apartments in addition and the whole place was fragrant with roses and in the roof little birds sang out in the trees fishes played leap in the swift river which ran at the foot of the garden bees and flowers everywhere all was pretty and peaceful within and without mrs placed herself and her carriages at mother s disposal and dr lent me an old pony which had been long off to a life of ease and idleness i had my own dog and cat with me and i was perfectly entirely and serenely happy in spite of their mourning and contrived to have a good deal of gaiety that autumn of course my mother accepted no formal invitations until after the new year but she went a great deal to swift park and she never thought of shutting the girls out from any that were on foot we all wore white with black ribbons and mother gave a good many | 30 |
smart little tea parties and made a good many excuses for a little music after dinner i can t think why mrs said to my mother one afternoon when my sisters with mrs s niece and her eldest son were all playing and i was playing with my dog near to where they a self made were still sitting at the tea table under the big i can t think why you wanted to go and take a house in west when you could have this sweet little place for what that costs you empty but i have my own furniture said my mother oh but you could have stored it quite easily on the difference which it costs you to live in town my mother smiled she was very handsome with masses of black hair beneath her widow s cap she turned her fine eyes upon her friend and shook her head gently but with decision nothing could have been more delightful to me dear she said but i have my girls to settle and i don t know what is going to do yet i don t myself believe in a country life unless you are well off you can be poor in town and as long as one has a smart bonnet and a smart manner and one s daughters are money does not make so much difference but to be poor in the country excepting for a time as we are now oh i can imagine nothing more dreadful to be in the country as without a butler how impossible but in town why some of the people i know live in a flat with two maids yes i suppose so i suppose so said mrs i it was selfish of me to wish to keep you here always i do so dislike that american daughter in law of the dear old doctor s she is so pushing and so horrid what do you think she told me last she came down here what she said you t been away since the last time i went ro i a self made i should think you have gone i a as be dead as put in all my time here what did you say asked my mother in an accent of disgust say echoed mrs i smiled it was no use saying anything if i had talked to her for twelve months i couldn t have made that dreadful person that i would sooner be in my grave than in farms with her my mother put a little more cream into her tea i suppose she was well gilded she remarked oh yes my dear rich and of course i like all those people she is with the idea that money means ever i doubt if one could make her understand that we should have been furious t if our son had wanted to marry her or anyone like her such people don t understand such things as class breeding position with them everything is judged by the money standard i have known charming americans said my mother yes yes said mrs but they don t know people in the position of the doctor s american daughter in law i had an extraordinary instance she continued helping herself to another piece of cake last time i dined out ip town just before we came down here i was dining at lady charles s you know poor thing she js so pressed for money and she has to out her income by by how shall i put it taking a guest now and again you understand well this year she ran a quite impossible american woman i e she paid her i a self made a sum but she couldn t get her presented not even by the mistress of the robes and the american laughed when she hinted that she might manage it she gave a dinner or two to meet this creature and among others she had george s wife who is the of the smart american set and she sent this mrs jacob h mould in to dinner with george he of course being a man of the world met her as an utter stranger and paid her the utmost deference and attention his wife being an american woman of the world was not quite a up to his form of enduring any situation out of pity for the hostess asked in a loud voice as soon as the first appeared and who is the woman with the diamonds several of those near at hand tried to hush her down and lord charles whispered something in an i suppose to tell her who mrs jacob h mould was oh she said in equally tones american is she no i don t know her you see there so many americans over the other side that we never meet my mother smiled again yes mrs mould is a little bit don t you know what i mean i can quite understand a smart american woman making herself disagreeable did she resent it oh no they never do they can t poor things it must be a terrible position when people can insult you with that night george proposed to my sister fr the proposal did not come off in the cot i a self made by the river but over at the park where my she had returned with mrs to dine and spend the evening i slept in my mother s room at the cot because i was nervous in the evenings at home that is to say at the tower in west fi ton the young always slept in my room l a because my mother thought it was best we should get ir into the way of doing what we should have to | 30 |
do on nights when she went out with my sisters at the li cottage however my mother never went out in the c evenings i was awake when the girls came home mother was sitting writing letters at the open window they came in all of a rush oh mother has great news for you said i hope you will be pleased mother said in a little meek voice now my sister was not meek she was no beauty she was rather clever and she was very dominant in truth she was haughty but that evening she was as mild as new milk i was not supposed to be awake but i could see from where i lay that my mother looked up what has happened dear she asked george has asked me to marry him she said what did you say asked mother sharply i said yes subject of course to your approval dear she replied oh my dear i think george charming and he is the eldest son and they are so rich until now this moment i had always thought that my mother was friends with the because a self made she liked them then the knowledge came to me that she was really friends with them because they were so rich it puzzled me very much he is coming to see you to morrow dear said softly at about eleven in the morning and i think i will say good night now and kissing mother she went away closing the door behind her sat down on the other side of mother s little writing table and rested her chin on the palms of her two hands you are pleased aren t you mother she said mother gave a sigh oh my dear i am more than pleased is so so h m well so very clever said with a laugh hush hush you will wake the child said my mother gave a careless look round at my little bed oh she s sound asleep she said it will be a great relief to you to get her settled before i am really out yes my dear but her will cost a good deal i suppose she won t be satisfied unless she has all her of silk like your cousin and had twelve of everything said well she must have her things all her proper things said my mother and as we are still in mourning for your poor father we can have a fairly quiet but she must have her things did mrs know do you think she went on a self made well i don t know if she knew but she guessed it is a lucky thing you know said that mrs thinks such an awful lot of i only hope will keep it up oh well dear she is going to be very rich very rich said mother after all there is nothing like if your poor dear father had made instead of nations i should have been a rich woman now we can t all make dear said no darling said my mother that is quite true and so some of us went on must be content to be mere makers of nations and there is a certain about it that you don t find in mother honey i wouldn t say so to said my mother oh no no and besides george is altogether charming in himself not much to look at you know though i think i should like a little more in the way of manly beauty myself but the great thing is that fancies him and he fancies so they can sort themselves out afterwards and since mrs is so devoted to her they can buy this house for them i the doctor will be very pleased to sell it that is as may be said my mother i shall leave them to themselves i must provide with her after that i shall not interfere or have any opinions or give any advice my hands are full enough a self made laughed softly yes that s quite true you will have to get rid of me next my dear don t say such things my mother still you know what i mean you don t want daughters hanging around like of hung up to dry tm sure it s most considerate of to get herself out of the way before i make a start i really think mother you will have a better chance with me i am not a bit prettier than but i am more for one thing and i know better what i want i am than she is too and then you will have plenty of time before you want to float little red head little red head meant me if you please i gave a kick under the i did so hate to hear my unfortunate red head discussed and talked about no said my mother you don t see many such heads as s no you don t replied promptly and perhaps it s a good thing you don t because they pretty well take the shine out of every other kind of head that comes near them do you know i never told you mother the very last time i was in the park i was walking along behind and and we passed the painter who was leaning against the talking to another man good god i heard him say do you see that kid s head i never saw such a head in my life i wonder who she is and if i could get her to sit for me i never saw such hair then he saw me as i passed a self made and bowed to me i was laughing outright but i don t think he guessed that she | 30 |
was my sister ah that was the painter s for colour said my mother but she was very pleased at the incident i recognised that easily enough of course she went on dropping her voice so that i had to strain every nerve to catch what they were saying of course is nothing but a chicken now but by when she has filled out she will be pretty enough to do anything with i gave another kick under the they heard me this time and stopped talking instantly so i lay there wondering if they were right if l was really pretty if i should ever be pretty if my locks no they were not they were a brilliant golden red whether they would ever be a valuable possession which would make other people than the painter look after me and say pretty things the conversation was a revelation to me and i pondered and puzzled and wondered until at last i fell asleep chapter iii on the right tack the fate of young girls is often more a matter of skill than of luck we went back to west at the end of september the pressed my mother very hard to stay longer in fact to become yearly tenants of the place as its owner would have been very willing for us to do but mother was firm very firm on the subject no dear mrs you kind good friend she replied i have enjoyed my stay here beyond all that words could express but the time has come now for me to take up my burden again you see i must go home that i may arrange about s things if your boy was content to wait until january for his wife i might stay till the end of october but dear george wants his wife in november and must have her things well i suppose you must sacrifice yourself for them said mrs x unwillingly but i do wish you could have stayed october is almost always lovely here and you think you won t take the house on for another time i think not said my mother in her most decided tones you see dear mrs i know what my income is and and i know what it will not do for a thousand reasons i should not like to tie myself with a second house now a self made with mother to say was to do and we went home without her having pledged herself for the future excepting so far as s things were concerned was married in due course and the wedding was supposed to be a very quiet one all the same our friends turned up in great force for the occasion and such a row of carriages filled our dreary street that the neighbourhood must have been fairly dazzled by them mother did the wedding very well there were ten and plenty of young men and mother cried a little bit in a judicious kind of way and called george dear boy once or twice so that nobody knew how really glad of us was to be rid of at last she looked almost pretty didn t she said mother to when the party was all over and the boys had turned out to get a breath of air as they called it i never saw her look so well returned promptly or george look so nobody thirty thousand a year remarked mother in a tone of satisfaction yes but it s such a pity he doesn t look it declared how can a man look thirty thousand a year i asked mother and both laughed you ll know one day said you must take care that he does look it when you make a choice said mother to yes said with conviction but although came out without waiting for the season she did not seem in any hurry to make a self made a choice there were always young men hanging about the tower somehow i always thought of our west home from first to last as the tower but they hadn t any of them thirty thousand a year like george would have and though went duly and truly into society for three years still mother had never been called upon to buy wedding things for her she had plenty of chances of settling i don t exactly mean offers but chances of meeting men one winter we spent in paris and got mixed up with a lot of americans they were worse than useless to us in fact they were positively i heard say as much one day to our mother it s no use mother she said going on like this life is the same all the world over and we might as well go and live in the as do as we do now west and a paris flat on the wrong side of the we have kept ourselves fairly free of west but it is like hanging on to the skirts of a good neighbourhood to expect square and to visit us down there here it is worse we have got in with all these at home day people and they have us so far as paris is concerned my dear said mother i could not afford the avenue yes if you had an in the avenue or on the sees you could let it when you wanted to be in london say from october till the end of february you would be in paris you could easily let it furnished during the rest of the time at a rate which would cover the rent for the year a self made but could we yes certainly you could you would have the best part of the paris season to let in march to july if the was five thousand you would have to get two hundred pounds for | 30 |
five months rent that s ten pounds a week it s as easy as a b c but out here in this ridiculous cheap it would be hard to let at any price but it seems absurd to pay two hundred a year for a flat in paris when our house is less than half that price my mother laughed i would apply the same principle to our london house she replied what s the good of a house in west we can t let it well with luck we might get three or four guineas a week for the best part of the year what good is that but a house in a good part either or is always let able except in the autumn my dear said mother i dare not think of it said no more just then she knew as well as i did that when mother shut her mouth in a certain way it was no use arguing any further on any subject then on hand and so we left paris and came back to the tower and time went on till i was nearly sixteen and i was yearning to come out mother was firm on that point too whenever i tried to break the bonds of and spread my wings to dinner or dance she always put on her air and said that it was time to seriously consider the question of my education it was really wonderful how very often mother did announce her intention of seriously considering the a self made question of my education but all the same she never did it twice i had a morning for a few weeks but neither lasted for long the first one gave notice because she got engaged to a rich young man who wanted to be married without the delay of a day more than was necessary for her to get a few clothes ready in and the other after getting me safely through the and had a little brother taken with the scarlet fever a calamity which brought her visits to a sudden end then i got the and after that i set up a weakness of the and i was instantly carried off to a and up with long of plaster and ordered to do nothing but lie still when i was not about in the open air my back got all right and i grew like a willow but somehow my education took care of itself it had to take care of itself for somehow there never seemed any opportunity for looking after it and attending to it i mother was right and that my was more important than foreign languages and would be more useful than grammar to me but i don t know that i should do exactly the same if i were placed in the same circumstances again i must be just to my mother and admit that she spent a good deal of money one way or another upon my improvements i had singing lessons from the celebrated madame i went to a very smart dancing class i attended a school and went out twice a week on horseback and had also lessons in driving mother had an idea of my taking up but i was so long and and well i may a self made as well own up to the truth i was so long and that she finally allowed to persuade her that it would be merely money thrown away to waste it on my acquiring any such accomplishment to be any good nowadays one must do things so awfully well declared will never skirt dance well she s not strong enough and besides that girls with brown hair can go in for that sort of thing s mane is all the she will have any need of so skirt dancing was knocked on the head and who was the most determined character i had ever known in my life excepting mother set herself to make me a success from the first moment of my entrance into society at last i was to be free of the school room and was to shine out as a butterfly of fashion at last i was to have tails to my dresses and my name on mother s cards i was to and enjoy myself and have and a good time all round and that you won t really have remarked rather gloomily as long as mother in remaining in this unspeakable little part of the world we will see about another house after the season said mother i must get over the cost of s start before i can out any further about this time got engaged to be married she had carried out her early ideas and paul was at least something to look at if george was heir to thirty thousand a year and money had gone by looks paul might have been a self made with as many millions unfortunately paul was not worth he was a gentleman yes yes he had been educated at and oxford was an old blue he came of a good family and was a good straight clean honest young man to boot but he hadn t any money so far he was reading for the bar eating his dinners as they call it and his ambition was to get into parliament and follow the kind of career that our father had carved out for himself it meant waiting for but although mother pointed this out to her and compared her choice with s was absolutely immovable and would not an inch from her chosen plan i am going to marry paul she said even if i have to wait for years paul is brilliantly clever one of the coming young men and one day paul will be at the top of the tree and i mean to | 30 |
men there were all the evening so about a quarter to twelve we took ourselves off we may as well go on to mrs s don t you think mother said as we stood together in the cloak room oh yes dear you girls will enjoy yourselves for an hour and it is on the way home and she will be very pleased said oh do let us go mother i cried i really did not care myself whether mrs lived a mile or two farther from the sacred of i was young and i had just come to the knowledge that i was pretty i was wearing a charming gown and i loved dancing perhaps more with a than with an eligible i was very and it seemed to me in my simplicity a pity to make a toil of a pleasure as my mother and sister did do let us go i urged a self made yes yes we will go said my mother i picked up my and my white skirts and followed them down to the carriage it was a long drive down to where mrs lived but people were still arriving when we reached her door almost the very first person whom we ran against in the cloak room was mrs went for her straight you nasty little thing she said what do you mean by not coming this afternoon my dear i couldn t it was just impossible i have written a little note to explain why i could not get to you you ll find it when you get home why couldn t you come asked well the paper sent me to the of and she had such a crowd that i did not get half the names when the last of them had gone as for their dresses well they are hopelessly mixed unless they all send me notes as i said to the when i left i don t know how i shall sort them out if i were a said i would never allow my dresses to be written about at all well my dear said mrs that would depend upon the kind of you happened to be if you were the of you would have to work for your living just as hard as she does work for a living i exclaimed yes i know what you mean said looking at me with a frown you are quite right but it was unkind of you not to come to us well my dear i am very sorry i did not stay away from pleasure but i ll tell you what i ll do a self made just write me half a dozen different about your and let me have them by half past ten to morrow morning at my house and i will get them in for you and they will do you a lot of good i can give you the details of our now said it was one of my sister s rules in life never to put off till to morrow what you could possibly fix up to day it is a very good rule except when you want to people and then it is a which is best forgotten my dear i have no time to write you are a clever girl said mrs in her most friendly and familiar tones i am quite full up we go to press with the drawing room number of the court news to morrow and i shall have to spend half the night and every minute of to morrow up to five o clock trying to get the s people right and i tell you it is no small thing to offend a so i must manage it somehow and she is as keen as nuts on having her tea made the most of so you get up early to morrow and write me eight or nine or even a dozen different just as you would like most to see them in the papers you need not be afraid of calling yourselves pretty dear she said with a laugh and let me have them by half past ten i go up by the twenty to eleven train and i will scatter them out in different directions during the day and then you will forgive me for not turning up won t you there s nothing i wouldn t do for you girls if only as a small return for all the kindness dear lady has shown me a self made i shall never forget s first attempt at oh those she wrote some in pencil as she sat up in bed that night she wrote others before she got out of bed in the morning and then when she had tumbled out of her bath and into a there she was at the breakfast table for dear life it really is awful to write about ourselves like this she exclaimed read it out i cried yes dear read it out added mother read one of the most beautiful and effective dresses that was worn at the drawing room was that of lady the widow of the late sir edward g c b of the office lady looked very beautiful my dear said my mother well mother she told me to write just what i should like to see lady looked very beautiful continued severely in a court dress of rich de sole heavily embroidered in the finest cut jet her train was of velvet adorned with a of exquisite point and finished with a of white feathers a similar was worn on the left shoulder her ornaments were pearls and diamonds the elder of her two unmarried daughters who is engaged to that rising young mr paul wore a most elegant gown in the new blue her younger girl whom she presented looked exquisitely lovely iy i | 30 |
cried a self made be quiet you know i don t mean it said sharply in a pure white gown of thick silk embroidered with pearls and crystal her shower was entirely of white roses the only touches of colour being found in her glorious golden hair and her perfect china complexion i said solemnly if you send out that thing about me i won t go out again this season looked at me scornfully you little silly she said you don t think i mean it do you you have a good complexion and you have got a splendid mane of red gold hair why last week i saw lady described in the court as the lovely lady the paragraph about her exquisite taste in dress and the invariable elegance of her appearance why bless you child these won t have my name on them but if anybody finds out i cried do you think that mrs is such a little idiot as to own up to a living soul that she doesn t write every paragraph that she puts into society journals herself of course not well now that is paragraph number one the next is all about you the loveliest of yesterday s drawing room was miss who in her pure white with their pearl and crystal successfully her charming name lady s youngest girl is very lovely with delicate features and lovely colouring which is at once the envy and admiration of half the painters in london here is another of all the lovely it a self made at tuesday s drawing room miss easily carried off the palm young and fresh as a tall white lily with her of red gold hair she was the of all eyes even in that crowd of lovely women here is another lady the widow of the great authority on matters looked superb in rich black velvet and rare old point she brought her two girls in delicate blue which exactly matched the colour of her eyes and in her gown of pure white with a of white roses lady s youngest girl bids fair to be the of the season have you nearly done i one more i hear that lady s lovely young daughter whom she presented on tuesday has a fancy to wear nothing but white garments thus carrying out the idea of her charming name i said are you going to condemn me to spend the rest of the season looking as if i had gone out in my chapter v a mere doll s house a palace in a wrong neighborhood is of less value than a within the pale i never in my life had the smallest influence over my sister she sent all those frightful off to mrs at least a dozen of them and mrs was silly enough to write back to her and tell her she ought to take up as a profession she was evidently bom for it mother was quite angry but who is a curious girl was vastly flattered and said seriously that she did not know if a little later on she should not do something of the kind it was very curious but do you know when i saw those in the various papers or i should say society journals in which mrs placed them i couldn t help a certain thrill of pride and pleasure going through me of course i knew that had written them all and of course i had not forgotten how i had her and at her and threatened her for the and terms in which they were written all our friends saw them but believe me not one of them suspected that they had actually been in our own house i assure you my dear i heard one very smart lady say to my mother that i never had so much as a mention although i gave a self made sixty five guineas for my dress and found all the lace ah it is well to have a friend at court i have so many kind friends said mother with her sweetest smile but all the same you know i was not the of that season i was not even the of west let alone of london society we worked very hard during the next three months we gave all kinds of parties and as we happened to have extremely bad servants it cost mother a good deal to out as she did we went to so many of different kinds that sometimes i lost all count and at last i went where i was told and i got so tired that i used to stand beside mother and i know i did it was all very well for she always had paul who looked after her and he was a smart young man and was in a good set and he was welcome wherever he went but welcome or not always made him go with us and was clever she could talk about she could speak french well she knew a good deal about pictures she was not out of it about racing matters and somehow she always seemed to have the latest at her fingers ends and between that and paul she had a very good time but i didn t i knew i was awfully pretty i must have been because so many young men asked to be introduced to me but i never had very much to say and i always felt they were disappointed in me and one night i heard a very very smart young man say to another that i was as stupid as an owl and as stuck up as a weather cock and that he would rather himself talk to the tall ugly sister a self made with the temper any day i wondered if he meant oh that was impossible everybody called the handsome miss | 30 |
or the elegant miss and spoke of her commanding presence and her brilliant wit the tall ugly sister with the temper i supposed it was because we lived in west we were in west but not of west and the smart young man was something in the foreign office and seemed to think going down to the wild west about as formidable a journey as it w ould be to travel to the north pole half an hour later i found myself beside him in the tea room and as i was in my own house i was of course obliged to be civil as he spoke to me you are near the exhibition miss he remarked yes i said will you have a cup of tea or some champagne cup i would have the cup if i were you it s not bad i suppose you have a season ticket he persisted when he had fetched me a glass of champagne cup and got one for himself no i have not he replied i never go into the exhibition unless somebody asks us to dinner there have you one well as a matter of fact i have he replied but because it was sent to me i didn t pay for it then he told me that the room was very hot and that the cup was good i might have been stupid but i didn t see any sign of brilliant cleverness on his part and so i told him that i was going upstairs again and tc a self made i left him to talk about the exhibition to anybody who might come handy i suppose i really was a bit stupid for afterwards when we were talking the party over said to me that she had noticed me talking once or twice to young mr such a clever smart boy she said how did you get on with him i did not get on with him at all i replied i heard him tell somebody that i was as stupid as an owl i suppose you him said my mother i don t think i did i didn t mean to anyway well don t him said because he is a smart young man in a very smart set and he is the kind of fellow who only makes friends with the best and most eligible people that night talked to me very seriously i want you to do something she said to me as we were brushing out our hair you know mother has come at last to see that it is no use to go on living in the wild west any longer and i want you whenever you get the chance to show her what a mistake it is to live here and not to lose it of course might say that we have done very well here well as a matter of fact did not meet george in west and i didn t meet paul here either he likes me in spite of it what is the use of knowing smart people and going to smart houses and dressing well when you have finally to own up that you live in a place that is miles away and that most of them have never heard of you are eighteen a self made now and you must make a success before you are twenty i want you to make a success before people get used to your bright hair and your china complexion but you will never make it in west you know how mother is and how hard to move when she has made up her mind that she will not be moved but i think i feel sure that she is wavering now especially as has got on so well since he left oxford of course it would not be worth while to move before the end of september but i don t mean to have another reception in this house if i can possibly avoid it during the rest of the month whenever and paul had an afternoon to spare they spent it in about such as seemed desirable and to my sister and they generally ended their by having tea at some adjacent cook s shop i have found nothing yet said to me one night as we were going to bed after their fourth or fifth excursion of the kind you would never believe how difficult it is to get a house in a good neighbourhood you want to be somewhere near square don t you well yes but i should not mind a flat in victoria street or westminster of course but they are so expensive one wants an income for rent alone you see we must have a decent drawing room that is a necessity an imperative necessity and a fair dining room a good sized two good bed a self made rooms and three or four little ones a mere doll s house but so hard to find she did find it in the end just before we left town she came home triumphant one afternoon and told mother that she had seen the very house that she would fall in love with close to square a pretty entrance rather a dark dining room but a fair size and a lovely drawing room and just as many as we required and the rent enormous of course said my mother no mother not at all only a hundred guineas a year you will come and see it won t you to morrow morning i told the agent that you would yes i will go and see it said mother and if you can get a house we can live in for a hundred a year i won t stay in west any longer ch vi an excellent move the duties of a mother a fashionable mother that is | 30 |
are many not to say the next day we went to look over the house which had found it was a curious little with a staircase and queer little rooms of shape which out in most unexpected places part of it was over a shop but as it was a a self made s shop it was quite respectable and as explained it might be indeed most convenient there was rather a nice drawing room which occupied the whole of the first floor except a little bit which was pinched out for the accommodation of the staircase above was a nice bedroom for mother and a rather larger one for and me the two little boxes into which the boys would have to themselves were scarcely worth being dignified with the name of but as said we could not expect to get everything for a hundred guineas a year and it was not much to sacrifice for the distinct advantages of the locality mother turned herself doubtfully about when she got down to the dining room which was small dark and very placed i don t know she said how will ever get up those stairs with a tray oh well said is a slim person and will come up more easily than you would where are they to sleep and cook my mother oh there is a very nice bedroom downstairs replied so we penetrated to the lower regions which disclosed a fair sized kitchen extending under the shop with a and and that sort of thing and a small ill lighted bedroom which was below the dining room it looks as if there might be said my mother oh well of course if you are going to put trifles a self made like in the way of finding a suitable house mother said sharply we may as well stay in west for ever although we have there if i were a servant she went on very severely i should be thankful to have a bedroom which would save my legs i have always thought it so hard that servants have their day rooms in the and their night rooms at the very top of the house however you must do as you like mother i only suggested it dear said mother rather perhaps as you say would not mind or cook either i think you know that the house is rather dear but the position you know mother the position yes certainly the position is so very near to square we shall have to get rid of such a lot of the furniture though i wouldn t i would store it you never know what may turn up and costs so little eventually we did store our furniture we could take but little into that tiny house in street of course said we must bring the grand piano but i m afraid we shall have to sacrifice the big oak chest that father brought from oh not that cried mother in an voice i didn t mean to get rid of it dear but we must put it in store with the other furniture that is too large for this house moved about the empty house in her quick alert business like way settling which of the furniture a self made we must keep and which we must put into some safe place for and yet my mother did not positively say that she would take no lo street it is so small she said such a cramped up little box well mother dear it is small but after paul and i are married you will not want as large a house as you do now i don t know dear you and always share your room we do and yet every member of the family makes a difference replied you know what i mean there is a difference with every one that goes out of the parent nest after all it means one set less of breakfast and lunch tea and dinner things to wash up it means one less bed to make one less of everything and when you and are left alone together you will find this house more than big enough for you and so convenient dear mother right among all your old friends again yes that will be delightful said mother somehow one never did seem to make friends down there but all the same it is very and up here the air is very good at west mind you oh of course acknowledged there is something in that but at the same time mother a house at west is not a here you would be able to let this any time of the year except perhaps in august and if you had your other furniture in some smart place a few miles from town you could put in a very much happier time between the two i should suggest a cottage on the a self made river believe me we should live rent free as for this house being every empty house that is not re decorated seems and dingy and small and cramped but put a pretty bright yellow paper on the walls one of those lovely striped french papers you know with your lovely embroidered curtains and all your pretty china about why mother it would be and so much easier for servants than those tall houses in west eventually our mother allowed herself to be persuaded into becoming the new tenant of no lo street and she told that she must make the best bargain that she could with the for re the place to her own taste now remember she said i leave it to you you have exquisite taste far better than ever i had and it will be a labour of love to you dear and you ll be getting your hand in before you and | 30 |
paul start an establishment of your own and now dear children i should like to go somewhere and have a cup of tea because in this heat i simply cannot do without it let s go to lady s i said she s only just the other side of the square oh my dear said mother i really could not walk there well there s jane she s quite close suggested we did go round to miss jane s house but she was not at home and mother insisted upon turning into the nearest cook s where we sat a self made at a little marble table and refreshed ourselves but well there is only one thing that i must bar you from said my mother to i don t care since you have this idea of taking a cottage up the river i don t care how little furniture you take into this town house so long as you make it smart but don t spend money that is all i ask don t spend money and insist that you have every dress cupboard to match the i m afraid you will find carpets a great oh i don t think so said i have already thought out the carpets we shall want nothing new and the curtains protested mother because remember have only just got over s and begun to save for yours you must be well dressed as you go along and of course now that is out she must have plenty of things i am so sorry i called you why i asked because as you are called and as everybody knows you are called and as you have got that bright red gold hair and a china complexion possessions my dear both of them she added hastily but they need living up to and you can only live up to them in white for your first season i think said that there are great advantages in wearing almost entirely one tone of clothing it is far cheaper and more effective to dress entirely in white than it would have been to so a self made dress her in coloured things i advise you next season to wear nothing but green or blue or delicate you can t wear white again but stick to one colour my dear stick to one colour however the question of my colours for the following season did not enter into our scheme of life for the end of that one and after a little further chat over our tea we let the subject drop that night when we were brushing our hair spoke to me about the coming change in our locality you know it is awfully good of mother to let me take the direction of everything she said brushing away at her brown locks that is where mother is so sensible i don t believe myself that father would ever have got on as he did if it had not been for mother s tact and discretion you will see i shall make that little house into a perfect jewel case see if i don t and it will not cost half as much living there as we have been spending lately i suppose it won t i said doubtfully i don t quite see where the difference will come in though the rent is a great deal more the taxes will be more and people will come to see us a good deal more and we shall have just as many servants where will the saving come in oh well we shall have a saving we will not have a great tiresome at home day for one thing i shall get mother to be at home every afternoon when she is at home when she s not out of the house it s much more than having a day and then a self made when one gives a party one need only ask people one really wants we went away that summer for six weeks it was only a short time but as said she wanted to have the new house in perfect order before the end of october we did not leave the tower until near the end of the first week in august it was a very late season and we simply could not get out of certain engagements i think between ourselves looking back from my present stand point that s engagement had a good deal to do with our movements in our establishment ruled the entirely and as was ruled by paul or at all events by paul s arrangements mother and i had to give in to make ours fit with them how hard that boy did work to be sure i don t know how he managed to get through all that he packed into the twenty four hours in the first place he was eating his dinners and reading for the bar in the second place he was heart and soul in political work and in the third place he was engaged to my sister who was probably one of the most that ever existed he was here there and ever and he did it all on three hundred a year what was more wonderful he kept out of debt he supplied win with flowers and gloves and contrived to make her presents on all necessary occasions we went down into wales for our holiday not because we had any connections there or even any friends but mother declared that we must have a few weeks complete if does not have time to after a self made her first season she will be worn out before she is twenty she said in firm decided tones to who thought wales was rather a far cry paul will not go on eating his dinners in august nor will he have to trouble himself | 30 |
much about politics he can quite well come down to wales if he wants to do so tossed her head as if our mother need not have troubled to the last of her sentence i have heard of an inn in the loveliest part of wales where there is perfect fishing health giving air and exquisite cooking where they take you in for five shillings a day now if we could make arrangements there it would be a thorough change we should love to live in a little inn near a stream in the black forest or in or some foreign place so why not enjoy the same thing in wales i don t feel like going abroad this year and i have quite made up my mind that is the very place to be a paradise of rest and for us we went to we found it all and more than mother had heard paul went also and oddly enough a couple of young men turned up there whom we had seen a good deal during the season which had just gone by they turned up at different times and they both went away from the same cause they both spoke to me on urgent private affairs and i referred each of them to my mother who in turn assured each one that certain ideas were quite out of the question i was so sorry they were such nice boys nice for everything but marrying why do boys that one is perfectly friendly and at home with always want to marry one a self made no i heard my mother say very gently to the second it is not that i have any objection to you my dear boy to your family or even your means but i have the greatest horror of my girls marrying for any but the one motive my eldest daughter mrs george made a love match pure and simple and as you know is engaged to a dear fellow who has his own way to make entirely but neither of them sent her young man to ask me for an answer and i am quite sure that if dear little had any idea that she wanted to marry you she would have told you so herself she would not have told you to ask me so believe me it would be much better if you did not see her for a little while and if you went to live somewhere else unless you can put all ideas of an engagement out of your head i must say i admired my mother for the stand she had taken as a matter of fact george and had made a love match there was no doubt about it and did accept george without referring him to mother for a plain yes or no answer and it was equally true that had accepted paul without asking leave as it were but all the same there had been one or two others whom my mother would much rather have seen engaged to as for as soon as he turned up at my mother told me and so did that it was no use my letting my thoughts stray in his direction because my was to make a good match in a sense said to me in talking this very matter over i have thrown myself away but only in a sense there are great possibilities in paul a self made and i mean to help him to them to the very full i am ugly and clever you are very but you are not as clever as i am as has married well and you ve got to marry well i can afford to run the risk of my engagement turning up in the end it s all very well for and you i said but i think it s rather hard upon me but i warn both you and mother that i m only going to make a good marriage if i like the man that s the good catch i don t see why the happiness of my life should be sacrificed for the sake of other people i don t want to throw myself away i don t won t to marry or anybody like but i m going to marry for love and so let me tell you my is not to make a brilliant marriage but to make a brilliant love match chapter vii why is it that there is so much importance between the definite and the indefinite articles when applied to a man i must confess i found excessively dull after had himself away you see s young man was devoted to fishing and those two used to sit all day long in some pretty shady spot by the stream which ran through the valley making love to each a self made other and pretending to catch fish they never caught anything except by accident but they didn t require any help in their fishing mother and i made a few feeble excursions and then the wet weather set in and we spent most of our time in our little sitting room of the inn it was very dreary but i have no doubt it was very good for our i used every day when it rained to put on a pair of thick boots and a stout cloak and go out and sit with the rain beating about my face well no i ought not to say beating about my face for it was soft gentle rain which came down like a and washed all the effects of the london season completely out of my complexion mother was most about that complexion of mine she made the of the inn bring up huge of pure rain water and she made me my face half a dozen times every day left to myself i should have given it a | 30 |
good with a hard flesh glove and a cake of soap my mother allowed no such folly the of turkey and copious with pure rain water with never a of soap near me was her for keeping me young and lovely when i go home she said i shall give you a large jar of and you must put a handful into the water every time you wash your face you will feel london water after this that is coming straight from the heavens we went back to the tower at the end of the third a self made week in september and immediately moved into the new house in street for a wonder the had got everything in readiness for us the and brightest of papers and the most toned paint had transformed the httle house into a charming bower the dark dining room was in the brightest rose pink a plain paper not even a upon it to furnish this had picked out all the small pieces of black oak that our larger house boasted there was a quaint little which had stood in my father s study a little desk to match occupied the space between the windows the floor was covered with a turkey carpet excepting the furniture everything was bright and gay the bright pink of the walls the gay red and blue of the carpet the shining brass fire many good and quantities of blue china all served to make the once dingy room look elegant and my mother s first observation was that had been most judicious in her selection the hall and staircase were painted ivory white against which our own crimson carpets looked very rich she had put only as a to the walls but the little square landing above was gay with pictures and a couple of seats while in one corner stood a very tall which we had picked up two years before in germany and brought home with much both of mind and body this served as a base for a great of dried and big the drawing room was yellow and from a self made our old drawing room had picked out everything that was dainty and small the only two very large articles of furniture were the grand piano which was covered with a beautiful and many photographs and and a huge corner which filled up an otherwise useless end of the room i have nothing but praise for you said my mother i m glad of that said she stood in the middle of the room looking very tall and very determined remember that i have kept within your limit i have spent nothing excepting just for the men who helped me to put the things up arrange the carpets and so on that is nothing said my mother nothing i think all the same that it was as well that we had from our large south house to the little box in street by way of our tower in west for no was very very small in the little dining room if we put our chairs an inch farther than the table the parlour maid had difficulty in passing round with the vegetables we could not go two abreast up the narrow stairs and not one of our was able to accommodate a full sized wardrobe still it was very convenient we were near to most of our friends and very near to the army and navy stores of course as soon as we were settled we gave a house warming just a little evening affair with coffee and cup dainty little and a few sweets it was very smart i met s a self made two days afterwards he told me reproachfully that he didn t know what he had done to be cut out of our visiting list i ve not cut you out of our visiting list mr i said quickly i thought you would not care to come you knew i should care to come he said indignantly the fact was you didn t want me oh i know miss i know of course i can never hope for anything else but i m one of those poor beggars that thinks half a loaf is better than no bread oh mr i said i thought you had half a dozen not enough to feed you miss he replied darkly no well that s as may be i said i don t think we had better quarrel over it had we and i ll tell mother that the next time she gives a little party she is to be sure to ask you but you won t think that with me it is a matter of and fishes i hope or me in any way and you are only eighteen he said more in a solemn than in an angry tone you know the tone men take when you won t do something they want you to i have come to learn since those days that there is nothing so as a man who cannot have his way i felt very sorry for him because i liked him and he was a very good looking boy if only he had been six inches taller i always did like size in a man well after that got into a way of coming to street almost every afternoon a self made at first he came with an excuse of some kind generally with something for or mother perhaps he had just received a box for the theatre or a couple of tickets for some very smart concert or some flowers from his place in the country i can t think said to me one afternoon why he keeps on coming he won t do as a match of course and i don t think you ought to encourage him it isn t fair it s cruelty to animals it s you | 30 |
who encourage him i replied i told him when he me because mother did not send him a card for that little party that it was no use mother says he won t do and you say he won t do and i don t want him to do so we are all agreed about it but i think it s rather hard lines that i should be because he comes to the house he brought you flowers this afternoon from his place he brought a box for the prince of wales s last night and the night before that he had a sore throat and came to ask mother what he ought to do for it i saw no signs of sore throat about him i went on i know is a great nuisance to me so please don t try to palm him off as my special property it s no use talking to you said you are perfectly you know quite well that you encourage the poor creature every time that you turn up your nose at him oh take him away and lose him his theatre boxes and his flowers and his sore throats will never pay for the tea he drinks and the cake he hard hearted little wretch said o a self made now the beauty of all this was that took everything that she could get out of encouraged him by every means in her power while i the was continually in a state of warning that as a matrimonial future there was so to speak no money in him well we stayed in street all that winter and was the man in possession i began to get quite fond of him and what was more knew it he paid more court than ever to mother and and whenever he chanced to come across my eldest sister he always attached himself to her and drew vivid pictures of the loneliness of his life and the hideous which beset young men who live on their own so if you please who was nothing if not serious took upon herself to lecture me as if i were the keeper of s conscience when one thinks she said severely to me one afternoon after he had gone out with a heart broken sort of look upon him of the harm that girls can do to young men it makes one ashamed if they happen to belong to one that poor boy she went on as i looked up at her my heart for him when i think how little there is in that red head of ty yours i beg your pardon my dear in quickly there is a whole fortune in it if it is properly when everything fails i added i am going to a self made i sit to painters who are in search of naughty ladies with innocent expressions i am surprised at you cried you will never marry and settle down while you go on in that fashion my dear i replied i shall marry and settle down when i meet with another george but there are not many going about you snapped up this one before i had a look in you worldly little thing cried mrs george in a shocked tone oh here s mother i was just reading a mother were you what has she been doing to offend you nothing to offend me certainly not but that unfortunate boy oh said mother i lo mc r boy he has just gone i think it s very hard upon him oh no dear it s good for him said mother easily s manners have improved during the last six months he had quite an opinion of himself before that yes if it stops at improving his manners returned darkly well if it goes on improving his looks that will not be a disadvantage although i admit he is very good looking oh you know what i mean mother i don t think you ought to encourage to be such a i never saw with anybody i have a self made always considered she is most hard hearted and judicious is by no means s great friend he is devoted to me and the greatest of with is engaged yes she is but knows that knew that when he first came here and of course if he is so foolish as to imagine that he is likely to cut out a clever young man like paul well that is his look out my eldest sister who was very dignified and i am afraid a little got up and shook herself into angles of i am quite surprised mother she said yes i must go darling i promised george i would fetch him from his club at a quarter to six so i shall see you again in a day or two she gave mother a sort of a of a kiss and just touched the side of my head with the edge of her cheek good bye child she said pray to heaven you do not live to be sorry for yourself one of these days most poor women live to be that said my mother in quite a tragic tone however paid no heed but went in a stately fashion out of the room dear me said my mother as the door closed behind her how very seriously dear does take herself she used to be lively enough suppose it all comes of marrying such a very solid young man as george a self made i thought mother i remarked that you were so attached to george so i am dear any good mother would think it her duty to be attached to a son in law who is heir to thirty thousand a year chapter viii a deadly quarrel no young man worth his salt is content to be loved as a sister except by | 30 |
his sisters i had a great time that winter it was a very early season and promised to be a very good one parliament sat extremely early our life became more like a than anything else we went everywhere did everything missing as little as human nature would allow and everywhere we went came i do wish said to me one evening when we had been to two dances and thoroughly enjoyed both of them that you would give the go by oh i don t see why i should i replied he dances beautifully and he s very good looking and it would be very dull for me as you always have paul with you if i hadn t an of my own yes it would said i fully agree with you the only thing is you are not going to marry a self made and his being with us is perhaps keeping off others i was sitting on a little low chair close up to our bedroom fire i had taken off my white dress and was wrapped up in a warm dressing gown do you think win i asked that if a better man was worth having he would be kept off i don t that s your colossal conceit said with laugh but seriously i do think it s rather a bad thing that you let be so continually hanging around because it makes people think you are engaged to him of course if you like him well enough to give up everything for his sake that would be another question altogether i do like i like him immensely he s a dear boy i don t want to marry him nothing would induce me to marry i ve told him so you ought to tell him so more decidedly it would be kinder look here take my advice don t tell him that we are going down to the th ball at camp h why not because you will find him a nuisance you will find him in the way take my advice child don t do it but paul is going oh well paul is different i am going to marry paul if you want to have a good time down there i advise you not to let know that we ve had an invitation i reflected for a moment look here win i a self made said not at all sure that i have not already told him dear how tiresome do you think you have no i ll not be sure that i have but i ll not be sure that i haven t however i will make a point of not alluding to it all the same he will see the invitation in the rack i never put it in the rack said i told mother to put it at the back of her little so that nobody could see it i felt rather mean during the days which followed because came to the house just as usual and arranged his life so as to fit in with ours exactly as he had done any time during the last six months by the way he asked one afternoon are you going to that dance at the rooms on the i th no we re not i replied i hear it s to be an good dance i ll get you tickets if you like i think not thank you i said i felt the blood creep up my cheeks a very awkward silence followed at last i looked up from contemplating the ends of my fingers and saw that was staring steadily at me what is it he asked what is what i said somewhat taken oh i don t know what s the at least why should you not go to that dance oh mother doesn t want us to go n a self made doesn t she how queer i wonder why tt going to be smart you know is it really tm told so besides look at the list of will you go if i get you tickets i m afraid i can t i replied i felt myself fairly driven up in a corner i believe you ve something in the wind he said looking at me darkly oh no no you mean the dance that lady is getting up for the society for the improvement of breed in cats yes the cat club yes well mother doesn t want us to go how very extraordinary i thought lady was rather a friend of lady s oh she can t bear her but i ve met her here yes but that s nothing to do with it no i suppose not all the same i think it s rather a pity to do yourself out of a lovely dance for a no better reason than that your mother doesn t care about one of the i considered for a moment then a bright idea occurred to me of course you know and i don t quite go on our own beat we have to consider mother s prejudices sometimes and we re engaged for that evening i out oh are you where are you going really i m not in the witness box i know you re not in the witness box but you t a self made might tell me where you re going surely there s no secret about it no there s no secret about it i determined let say what she might that i would continue this conversation of no longer we re going to the th ball at camp the devil i beg your pardon are you really why didn t you tell me i think it was rather mean of you i didn t happen to tell you there s no meanness about it i am not obliged to tell you all my engagements you are not obliged to | 30 |
he said reproachfully but as we re friends i think you might have done so but perhaps i m wrong in thinking we are friends perhaps you don t include me in that yes i do and you know i do i said rather hurriedly and yet you are going to a ball and cook up the knowledge from me as a dead secret oh it s no use going on like this let s bring it to an end one way or the other will you have me oh i really can t i protested why can t you you like me you like me well enough to have me hanging about in season and out of season to be at your and call to almost live in my society why can t you take me for good and all hang it all you know i m not so badly oflf no i know but oh i suppose it s a self made impossible i want to have you for my friend i d love to have you as a friend but i don t want to marry you you are not old oh well of course if you want an old husband if you want an old husband you d better marry lord he s old enough he remarked savagely lord as if i would oh well he has the that seems the most desirable to you i should think he s ninety no i don t believe he s ninety well he s seventy nine anyway no nor yet sixty nine well fifty nine said in a very outraged voice our and another i quoted oh well never mind old you wouldn t marry him of course but the question is will you marry me i really can t then l shan t come here any more i ll go round and look up some other girl that will not think me too young there are plenty of them around so i ll bid you good bye some day perhaps you will be sorry that you sent me adrift well of course if you are going to take it in that horrid way i said in as a voice as i could muster if you are going to take it in that horrid way you must do as you please and if you are going to look out for another girl you won t find it much loss to have given me up so good bye and i m sure i wish you good luck a self made and i on my side said he in an awful voice i wish that you may speedily find a nice old husband and so put yourself out of the way of tempting poor devils like me nobody knows the harm a girl can do he added darkly i almost jumped at the repetition of s words i have not done you any harm have you not that remains to be seen however as you evidently want to be rid of me and i m in your road it s much better that we should bring our one sided friendship to an end i have no fancy for being any woman s tame cat i have waited patiently enough because i thought you were young i thought perhaps you didn t know your own mind that i would give you time to learn your own heart but it s not my line to stick about and hang about corners and be the dog up the from the rich man s table so good bye good bye good bye i said good luck he shut the door with a bang i heard his footsteps go down the little narrow stairs there was a then the front door shut with another bang he had gone i had brought our friendship to an end indeed i had cut ever adrift as completely as either of my sisters could wish i had sent my friend out into the cold world to meet his fate i sat there like a girl for half an hour or so and then i heard a rat at the door below and immediately afterwards s voice in the hall there were other voices as well as hers and i jumped a self made up from my chair and bolted out of the room just escaping the as they ascended the stairs as i shut my bedroom door the full desolation of the situation presented itself to me i had done with for ever i knew that i should never take him back again because well because although i loved him as a brother i felt that i could never love him quite as a husband and besides to be mrs with a creditable position among county people oh well i didn t see it i knew that would never consent to let his property and live in london i knew that he would never consent to sell or to really make away with his position in his county and the prospect of burying myself two hundred miles from london in a rambling old house that gave me the to look at its photographs with a dance once in a blue moon and as the guiding star of my life oh it was appalling and yet i had lost my friend i had lost my pet partner my my white slave the prospect of the next few weeks without was more appalling than the prospect of married life with had been and i somehow on to my bed where i lay sobbing as if my heart would break i was still lying there crying bitterly when came to look for me are you here she exclaimed go away i said in a choking voice what s the matter what has happened do tell me oh my dear sister she cried i sat up and dried my eyes | 30 |
and take possession of these two and we ll come back here after every dance so that i shall seem to be you all the same we barely saw each other until four or five dances had gone by although i returned between each dance to the corner where the three in state said mrs to me when i had already danced three times with captain do try to come back immediately the next dance ends captain be sure that you bring her back don t take her to or anything of that kind bring her straight here a a self made i will mrs but what s the necessity the necessity is really really important said she in a most serious tone of voice would you it the has asked to be introduced to her ye gods and little fishes you don t say so i do say so i could scarcely believe my ears when he up to me and said who s the young lady with the wonderful hair perhaps you mean miss i said i don t know she s got a white dress on with touches of pink here and there and things that flash yes that s the younger miss i said in the most way who is she he asked oh you remember sir edward of the office what the who knew so much about south africa i said yes the same she s his youngest daughter she s staying with me and if you had come in this afternoon to tea as i asked you you would have met her well i can meet her to night can t i he said in the most manner oh yes but if you want to dance with her i m afraid you will have to wait a long time because you see she s been almost eaten alive since she came into the room well i ll risk that he replied and if you please mrs i should very much like to be introduced to the young lady shall i come after the next dance i am fixed up for this very well after the next dance and so dear be sure you come back to this corner the moment the dance is over now captain i trust you my dear mrs much as i and much a self made as i admire miss i would give an to see the of the true to his word captain took me back at the very moment that the dance came to an end to our appointed corner mrs was already there and beside her a very tall young man whom as i approached she drew forward dear let me introduce lord to you chapter xi the of the attraction of men and women to each other is the most curious thing in the world i very soon found that lord was a young man who never wasted his words how d ye do he said got any dances to spare not very many vm afraid i replied i ve got a no a he repeated oh well it doesn t seem worth while to begin on that we might sit it out don t you think can t think what they have for i told the ball committee that i thought it was a mistake and that they had far better o away with ever but and the washington post a good dance that eh don t you think miss a self made i told him that i thought the washington post was rather fine why didn t they do away with the i oh they said they must have some consideration for the field officers but i think are useful for sitting out then no can i put my name on your card it was on the tip of my tongue to ask whether he thought i should do it but i choked down the sharp remark and simply let him take my card out of my hand oh i say now was his observation as he rapidly the list of names s about half your dances look here he added with a vigorous to my last partner who was talking to mrs you might give up one or two of your dances with miss not at all said captain promptly well i don t consider it looks well for a member of the ball committee to be dancing with one lady the whole evenings and it doesn t give other fellows a look in come now miss would like you to release her wouldn t you miss oh i don t know i think it s rather mean to go back on a bargain miss isn t sure you can dance old chap said captain in a tone of much amusement but if she wishes to be released i can only say that a lady s will is always my law pray consider my dances at your disposal miss eventually we arranged that i should give lord a self made the second which i had already promised to captain this with a couple of squares and two other dances which still remained upon my card brought lord s name into very respectable on my list the dance after this then he said as he returned me my card yes yes the dance after this the and we will dance it oh no we won t was his instant reply he moved away without any further courtesy or at t at pretty speech now mind you said captain as he offered me his arm with a suggestion about an ice that i would not have given up that dance for any other purpose in the world than to see the of the the i must tell you is a young man who is the despair of every mother in every garrison in which we are he is the earl of an enthusiastic soldier | 30 |
i can t say i m sure perhaps your wife would object to remaining in the regiment i should think if she had any sense she d want you to go into the guards yes i have thought of that but then you know it isn t really in the guards oh isn t it not a bit of it you think a wife wouldn t hke remaining in a marching regiment well i don t know she might not but in any case if she did she could hardly keep herself out of society altogether she would have to know a great many people wherever you went yes so she would but then she d only have to know the best i should like it well enough if i could pick and choose i do pick and choose of course but it s difficult for a bachelor i can tell you it s very difficult i am sure i don t know lord i said quietly i am not a bachelor i am not in a marching regiment i never lived in a garrison town so that it s no use my trying to advise you on the sub the only advice i can think of is to say go into the guards a self made a waiter at this moment came and took away my plate putting a clean one in front of me do try some of that chicken said lord i assure you it s excellent bring another bottle of champagne he added turning to the waiter i did try the chicken it was excellent i say said lord after a few minutes whom are you dancing with after this i really don t know look at your card and see oh i don t think it s any good i m engaged to some man and you ve had quite enough dances for to night it doesn t do f r the host to make himself so conspicuous i said coolly it looks bad you might look he pleaded because if it s i don t think it s captain and even if it is i d rather not ask him to give up another dance he s been good enough as it is oh i say come now i am afraid lord i said looking straight up at him that garrison town society has utterly spoiled you there s so much of the about you go here do this get the other after all a bargain is a bargain and when one gives a dance away one ought not to try to draw back and change one s mind i suppose that means that you don t want to oh no it isn t that you dance beautifully beautifully but you should have come up to tea this afternoon as mrs asked you then you would a self made have had a better chance of getting more dances you know i never did believe in the of the in the or those that work twelve hours being no better off in the end than those who work but one it isn t practicable well he said his shoulders if i had known you were at mrs s i would have gone like a shot but the last ball we gave mrs had a young lady from london i assure you miss her only claim to distinction of any kind was that she wore silk under garments she was an awful stick she could not dance she had a cracked voice and there was something queer about her eyes but she was around and made no end of all on the assertion that her under garments were made of silk i thought perhaps she might be here this year well no i knew she herself wasn t there because mrs told me she wasn t mrs is very awfully she tells you things about her visitors that either attract you too much or don t attract you at all she told me about you that i had better come in to tea because she had a girl coming to stay with her with a head like a i didn t know what she meant and i knew if i went that it would mean committing myself to at least one dance or else seeming to be quite and rude i had no idea that it was you or anything like you how long are you going to stay with mrs if i give a tea in my quarters to morrow will you come chapter xii a little tea in quarters very self people have a charm for most of us we stayed a whole week with mrs we had a great many engagements in london but my sister would not hear of our going back on their account no she said decidedly when i urged that we had faithfully promised to go to tea here to this concert or to that dance no we are enjoying ourselves very much here and a few days of country air will be extremely good for both of us besides we are enjoying ourselves at least i know i am i was enjoying myself nobody more so and i didn t talk again of going back to london although i pretended that i was afraid mother would expect us back most of anything i was enjoying the of the i believe that mrs s hut had never been so surrounded with men of all sorts and conditions as it was during that week that and i remained as her guests it seemed as if half the men in the garrison looked in at one time or another to see how the love affair of the was getting on and the himself was so wonderfully blind i believe that he didn t care two pins what any other living being thought about him excepting himself he | 30 |
was without exception the most self young man i had ever met with not conceited not a self made in the very smallest degree but self to him lord was the centre of the universe the upon which everything connected with lord turned i never met anybody more simple less conceited less what the boys call in all my life but at the same time if he thought a thing was right that thing was right if he thought a course was wrong that course was wrong and his understanding did not admit of any middle way under his almost rude manners well if i am quite candid as one ought to be with one s readers his extremely rude manners there was a reliance on himself a curious belief in lord apart from his rank his height and his rent roll which i understood was considerable i admired him as i had never known what it was to admire any man before for one thing he was not good looking compared with he was downright ugly his great height was not ell balanced he was loose and rather narrowly made a little in in face he was with an appearance of to weakness but his face his character there was no weakness in the he might have been weak if he had met somebody in whom he believed more than he did in himself so far as i could see he had never yet met that person all i knew about his worldly position was that he was generally spoken of as being well off i had never heard him mentioned in my life before meeting him i looked in mrs s one morning when i chanced to find myself alone in her little draw a self made ing room but i learned very little from that it told me that he was twenty five years of age that he had come into his title at fourteen years old that his mother was living and that both his sisters were married it described his places of residence as castle and house st james s his club was the army and navy his family name was which sounded to me as if his remote might have come over in the train of ann of but the didn t say as much only that he was the twenty third of the title i saw him every day and all day or as much all day as the of duty would allow he showed no particular signs of wealth in his surroundings his hut was furnished to just the same level as that of all the other officers i saw a miserable little camp b d that looked worth about half penny a strip of carpet a big bath and a great many boot trees were the principal features of the little room into which we peeped when going round his quarters that was his bedroom his was just a match for all the others several big chairs that would pack up flat three or four handsome skin a packing case arrangement hung with curtains a great many photographs and pictures nothing of any value nothing of the rose water luxurious type of which i had read in novels they were mean little rooms and furnished we found more signs of money when we paid a visit to his stables i suppose you drive a coach lord loo a self made said as we walked across the square to the corner where at the end of a long row of stable huts his horses were no i don t drive a coach miss he replied i don t see the good of driving a coach there s a team for all ordinary occasions but i drive a he added i ve got the best pair of in england a pretty penny they cost me miss he added turning round to me i wish you d let me take you for a drive in my i don t mind i replied can they go he repeated yes like the wind this he continued walking up to the first animal after we had entered the stable is my favourite yes i have to have em pretty big owing to my weight i ve had him three years now he s a good sort this fellow we all admired the and then he passed on to the next stall and the next until we had been the entire round which horses do you drive in your i oh not these i ve got them in the separate stable just across the lines come along i should like you to see them i did go along it was hot and dusty i believe the others were extremely tired but as captain had put it on the evening of the ball not a man or woman of the party but would have sacrificed themselves completely for the sake of helping on the of the a self made loi i duly admired the pair of which were lovely enough to excite admiration from a blind man and then we all strolled over to the s hut for tea which his man had got ready with a which spoke well for his idea of our and there we sat for the next hour drinking tea eating and cakes making fun all round until at last mrs got up with a determined effort to go away i ll walk as far as your hut with you said the as mrs offered him her hand she laughed and turned towards home major she said speaking to the senior major of the th what was it you told me yesterday about that and then the rest of the sentence was lost in obscurity for the two set off at a brisk pace together i say why doesn t your sister like me asked lord abruptly as we passed | 30 |
through the lines my sister i don t think she you lord i replied oh yes she does nonsense i m sure she doesn t oh think not well i m glad of that i shouldn t like her to dislike me somehow you re going away to morrow then yes you see we ve been here a week i shall come and see you in london i say supposing your mother takes a dislike to me i tried not to laugh but try as i would the idea of mother my dear handsome placid worldly far seeing mother the twenty third earl of i a self made bury with two homes and a house in st james s it was really very funny what are you laughing at he a vague curiosity his tones oh i was laughing at the way you keep jumping to conclusions it wasn t quite true but that was neither here nor there i could not very well tell him the exact truth i tried to keep my amusement within the limits of a smile but human nature was too strong for me and i laughed until i had to stand still and positively hold on to the which we were just passing well for the life of me said lord i can t see what there is so very in the idea no no you wouldn t i replied when at last i was able to speak you wouldn t the idea you are a queer creature am i no i don t think i am i m a very ordinary sort of fellow a decent enough chap as men go you never happened to meet my mother did you no never i didn t like to tell him that i d never heard either of him or of his mother in all my life before i arrived on that visit she s all right you know oh of course well i don t know so much of course all men s mothers are not all right by any means mine happens to be she s in town just now oh is she where does she live she lives at my house in st james s a self made i see yes of course naturally she does as you are not married but she s always worrying me to get married you know miss always not like some mothers you see both my sisters are married it makes such a why oh because one s mother is more free more able to do as she likes hasn t got the girls to consider i believe she s just going off to india as soon as the hot weather is over one of my sisters married the governor general of and the is going out to spend the winter with her really how interesting so she says can t see it myself s husband wanted me to be to him a d c you know i didn t see it i m very well satisfied where i am i must say i like england and to up everything to go and be a sort of upper to one sister s husband ain t good enough that s my way of looking at it oh i think you are right there and i like england much better than any foreign country i have ever seen it s true i have never been to india neither have i i don t think i ever shall go if ever i do i shall go on my own i read somewhere the other day in some novel i don t often read a novel but now and then i come across one a quotation from some wise or another who said that it was work climbing up and down other people s stairs not those words you know but that was the a self made idea i thought it so true i bought the novel on the strength of it did you now i just looked into it at a lady s house when i was bored to death and had nothing to say and saw this bit about another chap s stairs and it struck me as so true i was very disappointed with the rest of the book but that s neither here nor there i say he went on after we had walked a few steps in silence i shall be awfully dull when you are gone i m sure i hope so lord now why should you hope so oh one likes to be missed do you i should think you got enough of what you like yes but one likes to be missed by certain people do you mean that as a compliment he turning and looking at me oh well you must take it as you like must i can i then i ll take it as a compliment well then miss i shall miss you i suppose i shall find you in any afternoon about five well yes we don t have an at home day if that s what you mean but couldn t you make sure that you would be in if i came to morrow say well to morrow to morrow we go home don t we by train by the something to eleven because we are going to violet s wedding and that s at st peter s square at two well half an hour for the wedding quarter of an a self made hour for the and getting out ten minutes to the house by the bye he added i do believe i got a card for violet s wedding of course i did by jove now did i answer it or didn t i well any way ril write mrs a note to night telling her i find i can come to the wedding and fu go by jove | 30 |
i will and then you ll take me home and give me some tea afterwards and introduce me to your mother and the house generally i laughed it will not take very long to introduce you to our house i said in much amusement just about as long as it would take you to introduce me to your hut upon my word our house isn t much bigger well i rather like a little house myself he said i think one gets lost in a great barn of a place i always feel uncomfortable at there s not a corner outside the and the stables where you can feel then it s a bargain miss i shall go to the wedding to morrow at any cost chapter xiii la in love somebody once asked what is love nobody knows exactly but it s something like almost the first that my mother made was to ask if had turned up at the ball it was who answered yes he was there she said about in the background and making himself look rather conspicuous he never asked you to dance did he oh no he never spoke to me i replied helping myself to more for we had lunch immediately on arriving home so that we might get to violet s wedding in good time you had a good time of course or you would not have stayed so long said mother rather wistfully had a good time said tell me said mother don t break it to me well i suppose i may tell mother looking at me and going on without waiting for my permission has quite replaced with another said my mother no by no means with a very much more important person lord commonly known as the i put in has been s devoted slave ever since the night of the ball io v tt t t a t it n a self made my mother looked a little shocked at my levity but to press the point further than by a look tell me about it she said it s the usual thing said i don t know whether he has proposed to yet or not if not i should say that he will do so before very long you never saw anybody quite so done for in your life is he coming to see us yes he is i looked up quickly at my sister she was evidently all of the fact that lord had promised or at least had declared his intention of being at violet s wedding i am very glad that you broke with said my mother softly in spite of s tragic about him i am sure he was not the husband for we had not time to much over our lunch because the wedding was fixed for two o clock and as everybody knows at a fashionable wedding it is necessary to be in the church a little before the appointed hour i looked eagerly yet about as we gained our seats there was no sign of the so far i felt glad that i had not told that he was likely to come to the wedding there are some things which it is best to keep even from one s favourite sister the bride was a little late the church was crowded to excess and very hot the scent from the flowers with which it was decorated was most overpowering everybody as freely as if they had been in a io a self made drawing room but although i looked round several times i did not see a sign of the at last there was a stir at the end of the church a sort of flutter went through the vast congregation the bride had come she looked extremely pretty and not at all nervous as she passed up the aisle on her father s arm i had always been rather fond of violet and i regarded her marriage as a distinct encouragement to other girls about to enter the of life she was pretty and that was all she had no particular talents no wealth to boast of no particularly distinguished connections only her own personal charm and well and she was marrying well i would have liked a younger man myself but violet had told me only a month before that her was the most delightful person she had ever known in her life so what could any girl wish for more than that if she was satisfied and contented and happy her friends surely need not fret about her i thought her dress was horrid i have no doubt that it had cost a good deal of money but it didn t look worth it in the first place it was cream which to my mind always looks in the second place it was soft and clinging which to me always appears somewhat faint hearted and it was moreover a good deal i made up my mind in the few seconds which passed as she went up the aisle that if ever i got married myself which in the natural course of events i fully expected to do i would not have a similar wedding dress to violet s severely plain as rich as could be bought and as white as snow that a self made was my ideal for the costume of a bride of course she got married just the same as if i had her wedding dress and the pretty procession went triumphantly down the aisle of course it was a violet wedding with dressed in white with hats almost covered with and lovely in their goodness only knows where they had come from probably they had been forced on purpose i turned to watch the dainty looking train and then saw for the first time that lord was in the church he was standing close by the door even at that distance | 30 |
his head towering above the rest of the people i withdrew my eyes quickly and turning encountered the bold triumphant gaze of the bride s mother not a tear had been near her eyes that morning her satisfaction in her daughter s marriage was positively brazen when i recalled how my mother had wept at my oldest sister s wedding i satisfaction that whoever my fate might be in the way of marriage my mother would not give me away as mrs was giving her daughter away at that moment lord joined me as we reached the door thought i d missed the whole show was his greeting couldn t get hold of the chief to get my leave didn t see going back to night if i could possibly squeeze out a day or two i introduced him to my mother as soon as we were out on the steps can we give you a seat round to the house she for our carriage was stopping the way a it no a self made well don t you think i shall crush you lady he said i d like to go of course but i m such a long chap i think i had better follow you in the first cab i can get hold of if i had known before yesterday that i was coming i might have borrowed my mother s carriage and done the show in style he shut the door as he spoke and gave the coachman a jerk of his hand to signify that he could go on well what do you think of him of our mother quite young said mother and considerate oh yes and wealthy and very popular in and earl of said my mother in a tone as if she were thinking aloud i said nothing to tell you the truth my heart had given such a great sick throb as i caught sight of his determined yet face that i had come down the aisle and down the steps in what our old nurse used to call all of a tremble i looked down at my smart white gloves and pale pink frock and then out of the window without attempting to join in the discussion concerning him as soon as we reached the house he joined us and attached himself to me there was a simple about him which appealed to me i had had men go for me before captain for instance and a dozen others in a similar way but nobody had quite taken possession of me in the cool and assured way that the had we went upstairs and greeted the bride went down n a self made iii to an exceedingly smart breakfast then back again to the larger drawing room to view the presents jolly sort of business getting married don t you think miss said lord as we got to that part of the table where the was displayed that would depend i said on what on the bridegroom of course on the kind of marriage one was making on the prospect one had of happiness everything in fact you don t believe in getting married for the sake of getting married no i don t neither do l i ve got to get married of course my mother s always worrying me about it she out perpetually whenever she can get hold of me in fact my heart went down with a run it seemed as if it had sunk somewhere to the level of my boots then a quick flutter went through the assembly the bride and groom were leaving let s go and see the last of them said lord i wonder if they have provided any rice and shoes and things yes i believe there s a great bowl of rice in the hall i replied the had done everything in quite a lavish kind of way the distributed in the church had been extremely well chosen and were very plentiful on the same scale they had ordered the bags of rice so that any guest might help himself to them a self made here s one for you said lord thrusting one into my hands now come along the door step is the best of by the bye who do you say the bridegroom is i never the bridegroom why sir james of in course it oh really then she hasn t done so badly for herself but of course he went on with a swift glance around they would not have gone to all this fuss if she hadn t done that oh here they come i did pity them both poor things for such a storm of rice assailed them that they were well nigh blinded before they reached the haven of the carriage even then lord sent handful after handful through the carriage window and surely if good luck was to be the violet must have been as happy a bride that day as ever the sun shone upon there now miss said lord as the carriage drove off i consider we have amply done our duty it s just half past four i suppose you ll be going home soon oh at once let us go and find my mother tell her to ask me to tea will you well i don t think you deserve it after the abominable way you treated the unfortunate bride and groom you think not well i think they ought to pay the penalty of getting married it should not be all pleasure you know that s bad for one bad for human nature and they ve had such a splendid show it s just as well to let them have something to keep them from getting above themselves a self made of course as soon as the great event of the day was over there was a general rush to get away | 30 |
from the house of my mother came towards us with and addressed herself to the quite a pretty wedding she said pleasantly most trying functions i don t agree with you lady lord replied think awfully jolly myself never can understand what a fellow has to feel particularly hang dog for on his wedding day i don t intend to myself are you going to be married soon then said my mother well that depends he replied i have not made any arrangements as yet for getting married but i hope to pull it off before long my mother s always worrying me on the subject and then he turned and looked at me as much as to say tell her to ask me now lord wants you to ask him to tea mother oh do you said my mother well that is very easily done what day would you like to come i should like to come to day if you don t mind he replied promptly why to be sure we are going home now and we shall have tea will you come with us i m such a length shan t i spoil your dresses not a bit of it said my mother our dresses will get spoiled sooner or later and if you can yourself into the fourth seat you may just as well if come a self made he did contrive to himself into the fourth seat it was a very tight pinch for the was not a very large one however the distance was not great and we were only the second turning round the comer from colonel s house at that time we had a french maid called who did a good deal of sewing and for us one of the duties which she loved was to look after the afternoon tea and therefore it was always arranged with absolute perfection on this afternoon i thought i had never seen the silver tray and service look more clean the lace cloth more dainty or the little rolls of bread and butter and of cake more thoroughly inviting when brought in the happened to speak to her as she always did in french i asked her something and i as usual spoke in english why don t you speak french too said the because i can t i replied you may behold in me the most ignorant young woman in all london i can t do anything was so delicate as a child said my mother sweetly i think she was rather vexed but i had learned to understand lord fairly well and i knew that nothing would attract him more than to frankly all one s now why did i want to attract him because quite apart from the fact that he was the earl of quit apart from the fact that he was the lord of two estates and a house in st james s apart from a self made every fact but himself i was attracted to him one touch of his hand was sufficient to thrill me through like an electric shock chapter xiv the completed perhaps the greatest joy of a woman s later life is when her daughter makes a brilliant marriage lord made himself thoroughly at home in my mother s drawing room he took three cups of tea and ate a whole he didn t take very much notice of me but settled down to a long chat with my mother i think if he hadn t been the earl of that my mother would have been rather offended at the absolute of his tone and manner as it was she to him in her most indulgent way s young man turned up as a matter of course and some half dozen people came in before six o clock then he made his way round to my side leaving a chance for others to speak to my mother shall i see you anywhere to night he asked where are you going i really don t know i haven t asked mother what engagements she has made you see we ve had such a rush since coming back couldn t you find out before i go i ve only got three days leave you know ii a self made i told him that i would see and then began to play not because we usually had music in an afternoon but only because somebody specially asked her come down to the dining room with me i said in an we will go and look at the cards mother always answers her letters the moment she has finished breakfast and she keeps the invitations down there we slipped down to the room without anybody seeing us and i led the way down the stairs to the little dark dining room mother s little writing table stood between the windows and above it was a covered board in which were arranged all the invitations i should keep them in a book said lord as i ran my finger over the row of cards and notes so she does wait a minute i pulled open a drawer and took out a large common with paper you know the kind they cost about four pence here we are oh there are a lot of things for to night i haven t the least idea which mother will go to then there s nothing for it but going upstairs and asking her because i m not going to waste my time going round all that show oh yes i know all the people he said besides you can tell em you took me if it comes to that then a bright thought struck him a self made look here he said can t you get your mother to ask me to dinner i turned and fixed him with a good honest stare lord i said do you always go for what | 30 |
you want in that sort of style generally he answered i don t see the good of being shy when one s got a distinct object in view and have you i asked yes of course i have you know i have i hate london and i the season and i they re an to me but where you go to night i want to go too and the easiest way is to ask lady straight out to take me along with you well look here i said you d better ask her yourself all right i don t mind if i do there are some people going now and you had better go up and ask her at once there s no particular hurry he remarked it s very jolly down here not so much row going on as there is upstairs i hate a row myself i love peace and quiet that s one reason why i m thinking about getting married i mean to say i was thinking about it when i met you there s always such a row going on in i looked up with a start what did you say i ejaculated i said there s always such a row going on in yes he did say and although i don t want to leave the yes he distinctly did say i want to have a home of my ii a self made own and live in peace and fm getting on in life i m sick of and row i suddenly felt that i too was sick of and row of living in london streets always more or less noisy of being followed round by piano organs and other of the kind of spending one s life in rushing from one party to another why it was like being on the i had never felt that life with would be anything but a deadly but at that moment the prospect of life at bury stone castle a dignified quiet calm contented life of ease and love with a man who was above all was borne in upon me with a strange sweetness i was sitting sideways on my mother s lord was sitting fair on the table i sighed it was a sigh that came from the depths of my heart lord looked at me sharply miss he said what made you sigh like that well i said i was thinking what a bore it was all this going out rushing from one house to another one s got to do it but it s an awful it s a game that isn t worth the candle he replied promptly of that i m perfectly certain look here he went on suddenly it s no use my beating about the bush i meant to wait until to morrow before i said anything to you i ve fallen in love with you miss i can call you can t i i want you to marry me i want to settle down i m all right i m a decent plain sort of a self made chap up to now i ve never taken much stock of women i never understood em and their ways the fellows think vm a cross between a and a woman i m neither one nor the other but i do like to live my own life i don t see the sense of getting what you want by when you can get it by plain speaking i believe in plain speaking it doesn t do for everybody but it s always done very well for me will you have me i really can hardly tell you what i felt like here was i sitting in the little deserted dining room of that of a house in street being humbly prayed as if it were a favour to become the of my mother was upstairs entertaining wholly uninteresting and non useful people and was still at the piano singing comic songs by this time it was the episode that i had ever known lord was looking anxiously at me he had not moved an inch from his comfortable seat on the table will you he asked oh lord i exclaimed i suppose something in my tones gave my heart away for he without moving put out his two hands and drew me up from my seat the next moment i found myself hoisted on to the table and lord was kissing me look here he said i want to ask you something right away don t call me i think it s such a habit for women to address their husbands as if they were i don t know your name i returned i was i a self made all over and i knew that my face was as red as a that s where we are at such a disadvantage he replied probably you have only heard me spoken of as the my own name is philip call me philip he said and i did call him philip and then he kissed me again and we were still sitting on the table when came in to lay the cloth for dinner she drew back with a hurried word of apology come in come in i said lord and i are going upstairs now you had better lay an extra place for him very well miss she replied we went upstairs then philip stopped outside the drawing room door to kiss me again i suppose i must have seemed very and perhaps excited for my mother looked at me with an air of the utmost astonishment lord was quite equal to the occasion and was as cool as a in fact he might have been in the regular habit of proposing every week or so by the way in which he marched up and took possession of the chair near mother s | 30 |
i saw by her astonished exclamation that he had out our news oh she ejaculated with a meaning look at me i went across the hearth rug i see he has told you mother he wants you to ask him to dinner i have told to lay another cover we ll talk business afterwards said philip put a self made ting his hand over mother s for one instant i m afraid all this is rather sudden to you lady but the end was inevitable and it was just as well that we should get it over if you will allow me to come back to dinner i shall be awfully pleased it was really the most conventional speech that i had yet heard him make mother told him that she should be delighted if he would join us and then he said in quite his ordinary tones that he must hop into a cab and run down to his mother s house to dress he himself away there and then and really i thought the other people would never go some more friends had arrived whilst i was in the and they having come late were apparently determined to remain until our dinner was served really my mother was an admirable hostess she sat patiently talking over the usual fashionable topics of conversation without displaying in the very smallest degree the fever of impatience that must have possessed her at last when the little silver clock on the chimney shelf was pointing to a quarter past seven the last of our visitors departed leaving only paul and ourselves then mother got up and came across the room to me as i turned away from the door my darling she said taking me in her arms and kissing me i am so pleased i am so glad i think he is charming why mother exclaimed what has happened to you i think she thought my mother and i had taken leave of our senses but mother still kept tight hold of me stretching out a hand to my sister a self made dear has happened to me but lord he and are engaged i am sure you must be as pleased as i am oh my dear my dear cried i am indeed delighted i told you mother how much i liked him so genuine so straightforward so good natured darling accept my congratulations so kissed me and then paul had something to say and he too claimed the privilege of being a brother in law elect and kissed me also i am delighted cried she was and heartily glad and i s an with her feeling far more than anyone might believe for had been from the very first so anxious that i should be a success in that moment my mind travelled back in the curious way that one s mind does at important times to the morning when she sat laboriously flaming concerning my first drawing room and he is coming back to dinner said my mother so you must run away and dress paul shall we see you oh yes i expect you dear boy because this is the first time that you have seen for a week i should like to come back lady if you don t mind if you think i shan t be in the way mother put her white dainty hand most affectionately on his shoulder it s all in the family my dear she said sweetly but do go along remember we dine at eight a self made so paul went away followed down the stairs by and mother turned once again to me come and kiss me my dear child she said my dear little red head you have indeed pleased me not because you are going to marry a nobleman but because i am sure that he is true and good and strong i liked his manly way of coming and telling me his news in spite of there being other people in the room i liked his direct way of making himself at home i think you have made a most wise choice my a most wise choice how pleased and proud i shall be to tell what has happened i believe has been making herself very disagreeable to you mother i said half well a little superior said my mother a little superior and superiority is a little trying to a mother who has done ever in her power to further her children s interests as you have darling as you have chapter xv a rose leaf mothers are seldom satisfied with their sons choice the following morning about eleven o clock lord came and had an interview with ray mother i mean a business interview i had seen him for two minutes just as he came and he asked me a self made if i would put on my hat and go in the park with him when it was over of course i promised that i would and i put on my prettiest hat a affair of white trimmed with many and some pink and blue ribbon i was wearing a pink morning dress trimmed with a good deal of white it was quite the garment of the kind that i possessed but of course i made myself look as pretty as i possibly could i had been waiting some ten minutes before came up to ask if i was ready and told me that my mother wanted me in the drawing room now my dear child said mother as i entered the room we have finished all our business talk and so go along and enjoy your turn in the park we lunch at half past one my dear philip she added turning to him oh thanks awfully he replied then if you are ready we will go i knew from the faces of both of them that something had gone | 30 |
not quite smoothly when we got into the street below lord hailed a passing cab with the remark that s a decent horse hi the park he said as he put his foot on the step to enter after me what s the matter philip i asked eh something s the matter how do you know oh well i can see something has put my mother out a little what is it he rubbed his hand across the back of his head once or twice rather t a self made look here he said at last i may as well tell you you ll have to know sooner or later my mother is rather unreasonable how unreasonable i thought she wanted you to be married i assure you she s made my life a perfect burden to me a perfect burden for years past and now that i ve done the deed well she objects i put in she doesn t object to you personally my darling because she doesn t know you but the real fact is as i told your mother she s got an up her sleeve such a thing by jove if i was starving i wouldn t touch her with the end of a ten foot pole my mother seems to think it s my duty to marry money she isn t content with position and family and looks and all that sort of thing that isn t enough for her she wants me to marry a duke s daughter with money oh a duke s daughter ye es yes i m not going to and i ve told her so but whether she will do the right thing and come and call upon your mother i really can t say of course it will not make the least difference to me i shall go my own way as i ve always done but philip it s rather horrid to be to be objected to as if i wasn t all right of course i m not a duke s daughter no you re not i don t know that that matters at all events i m not going to marry my mother s cross eyed and i am going to marry you so it s no use arguing any further about the matter a self made what did my mother say oh she said wonderfully little for a woman she seems a very discreet person altogether i quite ex she would go into a boiling rage mother never does that no evidently not i had to tell her you know i couldn t get out of it because in the ordinary course of events my mother should have called upon you today however i can t help it and it s no use our worrying ourselves about my mother s little we drove along for some minutes in silence philip i said at last don t you think that well don t you think wouldn t it be better oh out with it he said impatiently well don t you think your mother s wishes ought to be with you no i don t he replied why should they be i don t want my mother to marry you if my mother chose to marry again and she s quite young enough to make the possibility not at all improbable i should not interfere i should say well you must please yourself i m going to please myself so i say so it it yes but she s your mother well she is my mother but she didn t consult me about her marriage she married whom she liked and so did my father and so am i going to don t you think though philip that it will be rather bad for me if she will not have me at any price a self made well it will make very much to you if she won t have you she ll have to do without me but philip h m supposing she won t present me on n y marriage well what if she doesn t oh well of course if i am presented by anybody else it would show that my husband s mother would not do it for me it would give me away all round do you think she will come round to the idea in the end heaven knows he replied there s no saying what she ll do she s a most determined woman but then i m a most determined man too i m her son you see and i m going to marry you then he turned and looked at me anxiously wouldn t break with me because my mother wasn t all sugar and honey would you he demanded in a defiant sort of tone oh no i m not going to break with you philip why what would be the good besides you like me a bit don t you yes i like you a good deal more than a bit i really philip it s very early days to say so but i m awfully in love with you quite as much as you are with me oh but i was in love with you from the first well i think i was too only you know how it is with girls they re always trained not to let themselves go but i think i went about as far as i possibly could you think you did a self made i think so it will be an awful blow to me philip if your mother doesn t countenance me my dear child the will be the way round my mother will be the you will be the of you need not yourself about that it ll be all right she ll come to it even if she doesn t just at first and anyhow you won t be presented this season | 30 |
you ll have six to seven months to get used to that idea goodness knows what may happen in that time why my mother might be more in love with you than i am yes she might i felt in my heart that it was not very likely although it was certainly possible something in my heart told me that i had better say nothing more about it something in his voice warned me that nothing could be gained by pressing the point too far so i tucked my hand in his under cover of the cab and said that i would not think about it again if your mother doesn t care about your happiness i said rather well i can t help it we must wait until she comes round now my mother only thought about what you were she didn t care two about your position or anything it was only that she really liked you and that has made her very happy she told you so didn t she something like it he replied i think she s a brick she took it awfully well this morning i had to tell her you know yes i echoed you had to tell her by the way he said as we turned into a self made gardens i haven t bought you an engagement ring yet shall we go and buy it now it would be rather a nice idea i thought it wasn t proper for young ladies to go and buy their engagement rings oh hang propriety i think it s a very important thing you ve got to wear it so you d better come along and choose it he thrust his stick through the door in the roof and ordered the to drive to a certain s in bond street i don t know whether you know these people dearest he said as the cab turned i haven t bought much in my time nothing but a few wedding presents and something on my mother s and sisters they are straight people of that i m perfectly certain for myself i don t know a diamond from a white they do and they don t cook up their information as some do they ll do you as well as you can possibly be done anywhere we very soon reached the shop when he got down and helped me to alight bidding the wait i want to look at some rings mr yes my lord replied the elegant gentleman oil the other side of the counter what kind of rings lord well i really don t know it depends upon what miss likes i m going to be married mr i am sure my lord i you my hearty congratulations and madam also yes this is miss i want something t i a self made very nice of course show her some of your best rings good ones don t get engaged every day you know so we must do ourselves very well make the most of the opportunity he gave me a vigorous as he spoke and i girl like the took a bunch of keys out of his pocket opened a glass door and brought forward a large velvet stand with rings they took my breath away i glanced at philip half expecting him to say that they were much too for such a young girl as i you see i had been all my grown up life so persistently kept young that the habit of everything suitable to my mother was almost second nature to me he however seemed to see nothing unusual about the rings i call that a fine ring he remarked pointing with his little finger to a great pink pearl set with a surrounding of diamonds it s very lovely i replied but not fit for an engagement ring philip why not because pearls are unlucky they mean tears oh well let s keep clear of anything that s likely to bring us bad luck we shall get that without inviting it safe as a house what s your idea all diamonds yes i thought all diamonds i have a lovely ring here my lord said mr it s rather a price but it s worth it it s worth it i assure you now look at it from a drawer under his hand he produced a ring a self made yes that s something uke a ring said philip suppose you try that on see how it suits your hand it was a half of enormous white stones full of fire so full of fire that one could hardly see where one stone ended and another began it s beautiful i said and oh how it did suit my hand now what s the damage of that mr one hundred and twenty guineas my lord well i think you ought to take a hundred it s a very handsome ring but i think a hundred is quite enough for you i m afraid my lord that you see it cost us a pretty penny we don t make much on it we never do on these expensive things it s the cheaper things that bring us the profit i suppose so you d say so if it wasn t at least i should if i was a said philip indifferently well now if you like it you d better just keep it where it is i ll write you a before i go but stay isn t there anything else you want will you have any of these i felt even more breathless i hadn t before that the was rich i hadn t ever in my life that a man who had just given one hundred and twenty guineas for a single ornament and that a ring could be rich enough to calmly contemplate spending yet more money when it was absolutely | 30 |
down to try if she could not lord with her i pricked up my ears at this and tried to peer through the stand of palms which stood between us and she didn t pull it off said my mother pull it off rather not i was in her one morning when came in look here he said if you don t take that american i a self made woman away and lose her i shall jack up looked at him in cold surprise what do you mean by jack up she asked coldly well i shall clear out of this and leave you to entertain your party by yourself how long is she going to stop that woman what woman that victoria thing a few days said well then i m going up to town to morrow morning directly after breakfast you need not announce it you can say that i have been recalled or that i ve got to see my lawyer or you can tell the victoria thing i couldn t stand her at any price i m not at all particular what excuse you make really said indignantly i think you get more every day of your life well perhaps i do and that s all the more reason why i should look out for something a little superior in looks and manners to the victoria thing s what do you think she said to me this morning how should i know she said if i was you lord i d a few ruins here it would improve that view immensely ruins to he added indignantly i got up and away because i really could not restrain my laughter any longer and as soon as i was out of hearing i repented because i wondered what dear mother had said however it was not very possible to go back again for i met several people who stopped to speak to me and so the golden opportunity was lost you know it was very awkward that my future husband s mother should resolutely refuse as she evidently had done to have anything to do with me i worried a self made over it a good bit but i never breathed one word of what i was to philip when he came flying up to london as he did every day that he could steal a few hours from his duty i suppose if i had been blessed with my due amount of proper pride i should have like the young ladies in story books resolutely refused to enter any family no matter how noble how distinguished how rich how desirable unless i received due and proper recognition from my s mother and his immediate relatives tm afraid i hadn t any proper pride to speak of at all events i didn t feel like it as for lady i knew she would be delighted if i cut up rough and gave my poor philip the go by and such an attitude would have been just to her liking so i never made any remarks concerning the extraordinary fact that i was going to marry a man with whose mother i was not even acquainted i went my way sweetly and modestly i accepted all congratulations with a sort of shyness which admirably took the place of a blush you know one couldn t go on blushing for ever but it was perfectly easy to look down and seem to blush and that s what i did chapter xvii the fly in the how easy it is to be disagreeable was very funny about my engagement when it was first announced she and george had gone off to paris for a fortnight chiefly i think that she might get some by way of the people in the neighbourhood of swift park i must tell you that who had until her marriage always lived in town was by way of being extremely county she had even got into a way of saying london people with a sort of sneer as if anybody who lived in london must of necessity be inferior to their class who lived in the country what s this i hear about she as she came into the queer shaped drawing room at street mother looked up with her air well i suppose you have heard that is going to be married yes i have to the earl of is it true quite true my dear said mother really where did she meet him in the usual way mother replied a ball an introduction a few dances and the deed was done poor said in a superior tone t it a self made well as to that returned my mother of course i m very sorry for the boy but from the first his case was hopeless never looked upon him in the light of a possible husband and he knew it did he know it said darkly well whether he did or not said my mother he knows it now so i don t think we need discuss the question any further is very fortunate in her engagement and extremely happy and dear i should be obliged if you wouldn t do anything to in any way her illusions oh yes yes i quite agree with you of course there s nothing so dead as a dead love my dear i began oh are you there i m sure my dear i offer you my hearty congratulations i came for that purpose so you are going to be married immediately you re very young i shall the more easily be to the wishes of my husband dear i replied very solemnly dear me is it so bad as that she snapped out the words as if it was a joy to her to have found something to take hold of yes it s just as bad as that dear i said with a | 30 |
sort of sigh you see you have set me such an example of submission that i do by a sort of instinct ever that lord tells me you left your london home you became purely county so purely county that i noticed the last time i saw you that you didn t know your way about london i don t intend to do that because it isn t necessary a self made it will be necessary for lady to know her london very well both its fashionable quarters and its poor people sort of quarters do you mean to say that you re going in for i don t know i might vm going in for having a splendid time fm going in for amusing myself and making my husband extremely happy fm going in for being the lady that has ever worn the fm sure i hope you will succeed said my sister in an extremely voice what does lord say to all this well dear i said sweetly he doesn t say anything to it at all because as yet not given him the chance his great idea is that i shall be happy and my great idea knowing that he is happy is in being a credit to him and to the mother who brought me up my sister seemed to as she surveyed me with cold eyes i think you are very frivolous she said one of these days you will be sorry that you ve no more mind than to view every aspect of life from a frivolous stand point of course his people have been to see you i maintained a discreet silence because i thought that mother had better undertake the answering of this question which as you will understand was a very awkward one no said mother in an admirably casual voice they haven t been yet they have written of course a self made s no they have not written she replied they have not written repeated has not lady written no she hasn t replied my mother you mean to say that lady has not taken the smallest notice of the engagement i am sorry to say she has not said my mother looking straight at but on what grounds well dear i wish you had not asked me the question said mother very sweetly i wonder that you can countenance an engagement which should bring such a preposterous insult upon you said mrs george with a great access of dignity yes so do l is such a charming boy so very much in love with and is so very much in love with him that to insist upon breaking the engagement would be a step of which i should not like to undertake the responsibility after all dear you must know none better how difficult it is to fight against class prejudices i don t understand you mother well dear of course if your father had been living no family in the world would have hesitated to sanction an engagement with any of his daughters but we are his daughters still well you are yes but you see a woman like lady can be very foolishly prejudiced and i am sorry to say is so the daughter of sir edward living in power the most important in the making of nations in the whole world is one a self made person and the daughter of lady poor for her position and connected with trade my dear not a word to say against it is quite another do you mean to say that lady has yes i m afraid she has i never heard anything so insolent in all my life neither did i mother responded in a more voice than ever neither did i dear child and as i know that she is most anxious for anything which will bring s engagement with to an end i am not at all inclined to gratify her ridiculous pride and prejudice on the contrary i am very carefully from taking the smallest at her and her want of consideration for her son s happiness s head went even higher than before and she looked than ever my dear mother she said i think you are perfectly right what does himself say about it well poor boy he doesn t say very much he hasn t said much to you has he no not much i think he is very much hurt i m afraid that he thinks his mother is most unkind to him for a moment i thought that my good sister was going to choke then she pulled herself together and laughed very much the kind of laugh that mr is fond of describing i don t think i ever heard anything quite so a self made in the whole course of my life she said very indignantly and i do think mother that you are absolutely wise in resolutely avoiding the course which would give that horrid old any satisfaction did you ever see her never said my mother between ourselves and of course you understand i say things to you two i mean to you and that i would not say to any other living being in the world between ourselves i never heard that there was an earl of before he came up evidently determined to marry it s a good title he s the twenty third of it and he must be very well off because they have two fine places and a house in st james s but somehow curiously enough i never even heard of them and to my knowledge i have never set eyes upon her in my life well i have said she s one of the and most women i ever saw in my life a regular cat if i were you since she s | 30 |
chosen to put you in a false position at the yery time when it s most essential to you that you should receive kindness and encouragement i should make a rule of holding her absolutely at arm s length i shall see i replied i m going to make no resolutions which in time to come might upset lord i don t think that it would ever be possible for me to be fond of a mother in law who had made such a bad start but to be candid i d rather have her my friend than my enemy and if after a time she comes round i think it would be ridiculous policy a self made and foolish to stand on my dignity and make myself more disagreeable than is absolutely necessary in which i think you are perfectly wise my child said mother a a matter of fact you have everything to gain by being on as good terms as possible with your husband s mother you have nothing to gain by quarrelling with her i do feel annoyed at the way things have gone and of the line she has taken up but she is acting which is a foolish thing to do from she probably thinks that is a forward little who has her son in some way i am quite sure that when she sees all will be different in the mean time let me beg of you since i have put you in possession of all the facts to say nothing on the subject of lady to anybody outside our immediate family in fact i would rather that you did not speak of her to the boys because young men are so hot headed they might try to take it out of himself which would be a great pity as he is very annoyed or at least very uncomfortable at his mother s attitude which is no fault of his poor boy therefore let me beg of you to be absolutely silent on the subject and not allow lady to have the gratification of knowing we are hurt or offended by her sins of oh certainly mother i should not dream of saying anything i have met lady as it happens we were on the committee together of the great for the hospital did you make her acquaintance said mother a self made speaking quite as if it was the least desirable thing on earth to do in a sort of a way said in a casual tone which deceived neither of us she was very haughty and stand to everybody she quite thinks herself the salt of the earth frankly mother dear i thought her detestable fm sure for little s sake i hope her son is not anything like her not having seen her i cannot say but having seen him and knowing him as well as i do i should think there is a very faint resemblance judging from your description in mother i believe i hear philip coming i interrupted a cab stopped just now yes there s his knock the next moment philip walked into the room he came in without his hat like one quite at home and made straight across the room for mother whom he bent down and kissed as naturally as if she had been his own you didn t expect me he said as he bent down and kissed me on the side of my head fm awfully in luck to day got three days leave if you please lady i brought my you will put me up won t you it s such a bore having to spend so much time going to and fro to change one s clothes oh yes my dear boy certainly thanks so much i told that it would be all right certainly of course it will this is my eldest daughter mrs george philip stretched out a long arm and took her iso a self made white hand into his with a good hearty grip which made fairly i m awfully pleased to meet you mrs i began to think you were going to stay in paris altogether taken root there i hope you are going to be great friends with me i want to be friendly with all s people i hear your husband is a charming chap met a man last night at dinner who told me he was the best fellow out fairly with pride did you really that was very nice of him i naturally think my husband perfectly charming but it s very pleasant when other people confirm one s opinion yes it is who was it what was his name oh well he was a chap from your part of the world is his name i don t know mr said again i don t know mr i bet your husband does by jove he s the safest horse dealer in england one of the best fellows i ever met in my life i d trust him to buy a horse for me which is saying a good deal i glanced aside at and looked exactly as if she had just taken the most dose of medicine that any had ever chapter xviii on the crest of the wave the clever ones play a waiting game the effect apparently of the many which appeared in the society journals was to rouse the family to a state of almost upon madness it must have been rather amusing for such friends of ours as were also friends of old lady they didn t exactly come and tell us all that she said but they did next door to it such a pity said the to my mother one day when they were sitting over a friendly cup of tea in our little queer shaped drawing room such a pity that is making herself so disagreeable over this engagement | 30 |
with your husband s mother if somebody on your husband s side presents you it will show you are all right with the family well i don t know that i particularly want to seem all right with the family it s the family that have got to keep in with me or will have to do so i am not at all inclined to shelter myself under the shadow of their wings but i do thank you for the kind thought in offering to present me it s most good of you i will see what philip says about it afterwards she went away then and when the door had closed behind her mother looked up at me she said dear child you were very wise not to fix yourself up with lady what is your impression of her that she is not very safe i replied ah i thought so too i fancy she might oh quite of course make a certain amount of mischief with your husband s people under the guise of great friendship i don t think she is quite the person to you as philip s wife very kind but a little yes i don t care for her i was so afraid mother went on that you might be led to say more than was wise you cannot be too it a self made careful with a woman of a mischievous turn and inclined to be long who is intimate with your future mother in law oh here are and paul about this time a certain change began to come over my sister she was deeply in love with paul but i think that she felt in a sense the poverty of her situation you see my eldest sister was married to a man who would one day have at least thirty thousand a year and i was marrying into a position paul had all his way to make in the world as yet he might one be lord of england but he was not lord of england yet and although i am sure that nothing would have induced to give up her her s comparatively humble position as one of the rising young men in the legal world was somewhat of a sore point with her she didn t show this by being the least little bit different either to mother or to me oh no win was devoted to us both we only came second to paul the new phase in her disposition showed itself most in the sharp way in which she caught up the peculiarities and of other people the clever sister with a temper as i once heard her called she was clever but she had no particular infirmity of temper what sometimes seemed so was rather a particular in laying bare the of other people she was laughing as she entered the room and i asked her the reason i will tell you presently she replied and so when paul had gone she told us as we sat a self made at the open window what it was that had so her fancy you know lady violet she said to mother well she was at the de la yes i went to tea there with paul so good for him you know and that nasty little mrs was there horrid pushing little thing always making up to people connected with the great world i hate that kind of thing myself said vehemently yes put in mother well mrs was there the wasn t too civil to her she kind of took her in passing as being a she would just shed the light of her countenance on her for a minute or two she attached herself to lady violet told her that her boy was very much in love with her youngest girl and that it was quite on the cards that when they were older there would be a match between them lady violet absolutely into utter and stared at little with her great ox eyes as if she had suggested marrying her youngest girl to the butler little went away absolutely unconscious of the sensation she had created as of course she would do with an airy bye dear to lady violet and a mere wave of the hand to the rest of us mrs de la began to lady violet on the prospect that lay before her pretty little girl and she is pretty added i had no idea that you were so intimate with mrs she wound up and then lady violet began a long on the mistake it was for people to go out of their own world of society such a self made a mistake when you belong to the grand to mix yourself up with the she said i don t think mrs considers herself said mrs mildly her husband is a most distinguished painter and she thinks no small beer of herself i can tell you lady violet turned and looked at mrs as if she were looking through her oh yes she said with a curl of her lip i know all these actors and painters and people think a lot of themselves but they are all to me there was a moment s dead silence dead silence i assure you mother you could have heard a pin drop everybody seemed to feel in their hearts the insult of a woman speaking in that way of the world to such a prominent member of it as mrs mrs however was quite calm and composed she looked up with a little laugh and said oh no surely you are mistaken lady violet neither grand nor but and after that said lady violet went away chapter xix plain speaking a girl who well has difficult cards to play the season was to its close most people said that london was hot and intolerable | 30 |
i didn t find it so because i was so happy thanks to mrs and a dozen other friends of my mother s who were more or less powerful in circles i was the observed of all the wherever i went i was the of all eyes it was an embarrassing position but i cultivated a modest and retiring manner it was so much easier to blush a little and turn down my eyes when people talked to me about philip than to enter into explanations and descriptions of my feelings and his gave herself airs i told her so one evening when we were brushing out our hair before going to bed she at once admitted the yes she said i do everything by line and rule everything to forward paul s future i thought of you in the beginning now that you have made your establishment i need not think of you any more on the contrary you must think about me you will be able to help me a lot afterwards you see you can afford to be and very much in love and a little shy it becomes you it suits your style and i o a self made colouring to perfection and will do more to upset all the calculations of that old cat who is going to be your mother in law than any other that you could adopt mother too is so wise i do so admire mother s bland that she is quite sure you will make a devoted wife it people so awfully but for me the best thing that i can do it appears is to give myself airs and i am going to give myself airs for the next ten years at least after that i shall be able to let the mask drop and lead a simple retired life if i choose just as you can do because in ten years time paul will be at the very top of the tree what lord in ten years time you do take a hopeful view my sister laughed well if paul is lord of england in ten years from now i should say that your philip will certainly be prime minister or at the very least lord or something of that kind no no i the lord because he might be that but prime minister prime minister win i said solemnly as i my thick hair into a long tail do you know for once i think you are mistaken don t give yourself airs it doesn t pay not in a general way said my sister no not in a general way never if you can take any other course but when you are poor you must be proud poverty and pride have gone hand in hand for centuries they go together in the natural selection of things when paul is making a few thousands a year a self made i i at the bar has a seat in the house and a prospect of becoming general or something of that kind then i shall not be poor and i shall certainly not be particularly proud now it s necessity with me but my dear i urged it will grow into a habit with you a habit once formed will be difficult to lay aside you are inclined that way you are dear and if you go on your pride and your airs you will spoil yourself no no it will not be a habit with me it will not be a habit of love it will be a habit of cultivation that i shall take up just as people take up a court accent why look at mrs st jones she rolls her r s to an extent that is absolutely painful one would think that she had been educated entirely in france only the other day i heard her tell somebody that she had actually been mar six years five minutes afterwards the hostess went up to her with a very distinguished french gentleman in tow and introduced him to mrs st jones as a sort of haven of refuge from utter inability to understand one word of english as mrs st jones doesn t understand one word of french conversation the result was a little pitiable but don t you think that mrs st jones could her r s now oh yes if she liked said a little scornfully she forgets sometimes she only keeps it up when she is keeping a good tight watch over herself somehow she always makes me think of that american poem and the will get you if you don t watch out mrs st jones s is a triple r for ii i a self made and the other two r s will certainly get her if she doesn t watch out well for my part i said clasping my hands round my knee and staring up at the ceiling i shall never give myself airs because after all i have nothing much to give myself airs about i ve got bright hair and a good skin and rather a nice little nose but i don t know that there s much credit due to me for them of course to give yourself airs successfully you have to be so awfully r and i m not like you win i m not clever i don t know i think you ve got more in that little of yours than most people give you credit for said win looking at me sharply you are not a learned person that s very true there never was a girl who scraped through into the with as little education as you have had you ought to improve your mind but i don t know that it would be the least use by the bye i heard to day that your mamma in law elect is getting more and more furious as | 30 |
every week goes by but why because she finds she can t into giving you up and the in the various papers her her because they deal with you so much more than they do with him oh well they don t want to describe philip s do they not exactly paul told me to day that he heard from somebody a man of course who had it from his sister that lady declared that her son must have taken leave of his senses to have given you a self made so much and that you will have to pay the penalty for every bit of it later on by the way have you how much has a year no i don t think i have i don t think he quite knows himself the lawyers will settle all the usual questions about the and all that sort of thing and my pin money i don t see the good of worrying him to try and find out how many pence i shall be able to spend a week well according to paul and lady he is not at all well off for his station and that was why she was so anxious that he should marry that but he didn t want to marry the i returned rather he wants to marry me and he means to marry me of course it would have been very convenient if i had happened to have a lot of money but then i haven t and if he chooses to forego a fortune with his wife i really don t see that anybody else need interfere perhaps you would if you were his mother you know not at all she will have her just the same she will have the same income that she has now and everything excepting the actual house exactly as she has now not the jewels said no dear but then if he had married that victoria thing as he always calls her she would have had to give up the jewels just the same and i suppose she has a lot of of her own all these presents that philip is giving me now are mine they re nothing to do with the title and the estate they re all mine i i a self made suppose lady had her jewel box filled in the same way but don t talk about her don t talk about her i shall have bad dreams if you do undoubtedly my life at that time was not without its my bed of roses had some leaves and there were pin which made me somehow was disagreeable i don t know why she should have been but she was i never saw her but she let slip some little remark to the effect that i should not know them long or that they were not g and enough for me now or that i should soon have done with my old world it was very disagreeable i said to her one day that i could not imagine what was possessing her when you married george i said speaking out plainly in my annoyance we didn t tell you that you wouldn t be able to find your way down to the tower in west we didn t make your life a burden to you by reminding you that you would be able to have twenty dresses to every one of ours of course i was only a small child but i never heard mother or keep on at you as you do at me i do not know what is possessing you i think you are extremely unkind to me gave a it was a real county perhaps i have not forgotten poor she said oh well really it sounds as if you were desperately interested in yourself i said indignantly i really must ask you not to mention him to me again i don t think it s very good taste as i am lord s wife a self made that you should be moaning and groaning about somebody whom i never thought of marrying for a single moment everybody thought you were going to marry him she burst out well everybody was wrong including himself but knew perfectly well that i didn t mean to marry him and if gave you to understand that i had in any way encouraged him to think that i should change my mind then all i can say is he gave you to understand what was not true said with a sneer i don t know what means i replied getting up from my chair i don t want to quarrel with you but i think you have been extremely unkind and extremely rude and if you please if you can t leave off about who is nothing to you i hope you will not come here again i shall come to my own mother s house when i choose said in an tone well it will be a great pity if we have any scandal about my engagement people will think it too ridiculous that sisters could quarrel because one of them chooses to marry where her heart i do hope that you will not this subject to me again not if you wish to be on friendly terms with me after i am married i heard the bell ring below and knew that somebody was about to enter the house i consider said looking at me with angry eyes that it is dreadful taste your marrying in i a self made defiance of lady and george quite with me the door behind me opened and my mother with and paul came into the room poor george i said in a pitying tone ah is that you said my mother i have not seen you for days dear you look very pale i look very well thank you mother | 30 |
said in a kind of way no you don t look it you have been too long in town doing too much i am sure the sooner you get back to your charming country house the better it will be when are you going down oh in a day or two george is kept in town by important business and you know i never like to leave him quite right said my mother i do believe in wives staying as much as possible with their husbands oh my looking at us i know it is not fashionable and probably when you two girls are married you will go about all over the world and leave your poor husbands to do the best they can for themselves but it isn t right i never did it myself you will not have forgotten that i never went out of town a single day before your father no i don t think you did mother and neither do i but i am not feeling well not at all well and very much worried poor dear is it servants again said mother oh no nothing to do with servants or anything of that kind but i am not well then the sooner we have tea the better said a self made mother looking at paul who was not very far from the bell let yes touch the bell thank you paul a cup of tea will revive you better than anything how is george well oh that s a good thing we are going away next week oh not very far my dear think of the we have to get ready think of the thousand and one things no we are only going down to one of these hotels within easy reach of london just for fresh air and by the bye the wedding is definitely fixed for the tenth of september chapter xx the last day the last day of a girl s life is full of pathos regrets hopes and possibilities all through the long hot days of august we remained in the beautiful old house which had been bought by an company and turned into a hotel it was within an easy drive of camp and philip was able to come over almost every day indeed i think he came every day excepting when he was orderly officer and on two occasions when he had to go to london to confer with his lawyers i contrived to make all my for the hours between breakfast and lunch so that i might be free in the late afternoon philip generally dined with us once or twice we went over to camp for some entertainment which was going on among the military people i had a lovely time i think that in spite of the little of which i have just spoken it was the happiest month of my whole life up to that point you know up to that point at the beginning of september we went back to street i had never been in london in september before i had always had an idea which shows how stupid and ignorant i was that during august and september london was an empty and arid waste it is true that a good many blinds were down and that i a self made a good many flower boxes needed attention but london was looking charming the weather was not too hot but pleasantly mellow it was an ideal time in which to prepare for a marriage what presents i did have to be sure they poured in to the little house in street with a which grew at last almost appalling it got to be almost a bore to open the various sized and at last i appealed to philip that he at least should give me nothing else no not another thing philip i exclaimed i have more jewels than i could ever hang upon myself in twelve months i have so many toast that i think i shall start a in the dining room and stick them up in a row with all the stands underneath and all the under that and all the and all the and all the other things that will require one servant to do nothing more than clean you would let me have a silver shop at a sort of marriage i don t think you will need to do that it s quite true he replied that we have got an awful lot of things that will not be the smallest use to us but you know you could them all all those you don t like and buy something you do like there s nothing more i want i exclaimed well you ve not got much from my people yet no i haven t only the and things of that kind i should have thought my sister would have sent you something a self made a there s time enough yet i said there is and she wrote to you philip you know yes she did not exactly a letter well she couldn t over a girl she hasn t seen could she now no she couldn t and particularly when she had had well influence brought to bear upon her yes hard lines rough i call it however there s just this little woman that my people have chosen to set the tune and we ll take care we keep on dancing to it i ve often found philip went on in a queer savage sort of voice that people are mighty fond of setting a tune and then when they want to change the tune they want you to change your dance but it won t be my fault if ever we dance to any other tune than the one they have set in the beginning for a moment i was possessed with a fierce thrill of joy then | 30 |
common sense came to my aid look here philip i said bending a little over towards him i know exactly what you feel i have not said much about it because i didn t want to make things any worse but you know dear old boy it will not do me any good to be out at elbows with your people i know that for me you would give them all up from this minute never see them again wipe them out forget them but i d rather you wouldn t and if by and by they change the tune and want to dance a friendly kind of i d rather not keep on through a if you don t mind it isn t that i a self made care for them never seen them i couldn t care for them any more than they can care for me but i would rather that they should be nice and friendly and civil so if they want to come round in the end don t let us stand aloof i hate to be out of friends with people even though ive never been in friends with them for a moment philip didn t speak then he suddenly got up from his chair and drew me on to my feet i don t know where you get it from you little angel he said almost hoarsely your sister is a cat she d kill me if she could i don t know why i don t know what for she s got a bitter black grudge against me for some reason or other that s number one there s worldly to her very finger tips clever cold calculating and affected most affected your mother bland pitiless in many ways but you you little soft white angel what do you see in me what is it it isn t because i ve got a title behind me you love me i know you do i feel it i see it you little lump of softness what did you ever see in me where did you learn all your gentle ways where did you learn all your wonderful wisdom you are not hard like learned worldly like you are not calculating as your mother is no to her i admire her immensely heart and soul but she thinks out every move of the game where did you get your nature from tell me that i looked up at him i don t know philip i am what i am and as i am you have chosen me and you a self made must take me and make the best of me i don t think i am quite all that you imagine me to be though i hope you will always think the same i am not exactly worldly but i like to have common sense about things and it seems to me such a stupid thing to build up a great family because your mother and your sisters have not been eager to lie down under my feet and let me kick them but i don t know philip that fm quite an angel well i think you one he said stoutly i think you one and i have learnt to know you pretty well by this time i held up my face to his it was the easiest way out of a discussion which had become almost painful i felt a complete and perfect i felt an i felt that i was a fraud almost a lie in everything except that i was honestly and in love with my so the days went on until the day of my wedding was close at hand and no word had come from lady or either of her daughters it was a horrid slight upon me of course they had all three of them taken the line of deliberately me and anyone particularly a woman would rather be hated than ignored we didn t of course attempt to have the at our little house in street my mother engaged a of rooms at an hotel not very far from st peter s square the church where we were to be married we had a vast quantity of to the invitations the church was the music was arranged to be of the very finest a self made mrs and all her crew as described them spent days at our house going over my entire and thoroughly examining all my wonderful presents i had a headache for a week philip i said at last how thankful i shall be when this is over never will i get married again as long as i live the endless talk the the the fuss of it all oh it s dreadful what a life it must be to spend almost every day going round to different houses staring at another woman s clothes and upon another woman s marriage gifts oh philip how earn their bread by the sweat of their brows they say that mrs makes four or five thousand a year she deserves it i saw her one day last week she had been to fifteen shops imagine going to fifteen shops and examining all their and then writing about them every day she goes through this kind of thing oh how dreadful and she has to keep her self smart and civil and friendly and nice all round or else she would not get asked to the best places and then what she calls her column would go down oh what a life what a life i wouldn t be a for anything philip was most he said the were used to it and they came to it by degrees bless you my child he said in conclusion if you got married every week for four or five years you d come to think nothing of it as for me he went on i m | 30 |
pretty sick of it i must say every man i know gives me advice about the suit i ought to be married t it il a self made in and what i ought to say at the show afterwards one chap told me to have a bit of lead and hold it between my teeth all the time i was getting married a bit of lead i repeated what for oh well you know when they used to have in the army they always gave the poor devil i beg your pardon the poor chap a bit of lead to hold between his teeth so that he could not scream oh philip i mean it two or three have recommended that to keep my down philip are you going to be nervous i don t know until i get there very likely i shall it s an awful business getting married you know i don t think it would be half as bad if the bride and groom came up the aisle together it s that waiting about at the top and looking into your hat that s the awful part of it i remember two years ago a chap in my regiment getting married he went on poor beggar he did take it badly how take it badly well he was so nervous and in such a fearful all the time i was his best man i swear to you i had to hold him up ever so long after the service began was he a in a general kind of way not a bit of it the hardest rider across country i ever knew in my life one of the finest going a regular out and out good all round man then was he marrying somebody he didn t like didn t like over head and ears in love worse a it tt a self made than i am that s saying a good deal you know but he it why should he it i don t know why he should i only know he did philip i said when to morrow comes will you promise me that you will not let your best man hold you up because if you do i give you my word of honour that i shall if i see one sign of your giving way at the knees i shall make a bolt for it and we shall never be married i shall run away where nobody will ever find me you must stand up quite stiff like that and when i come up the aisle with all my charming behind me i shall look at you and i shall smile and you are to look at me and smile too and you are to take my hand all nicely if you don t i ll never forgive you if you show a little tip of the white feather to morrow only think what my sister will say oh philip can i trust you i don t know i ll do my best i m not much of a in an ordinary way you know i m not but several fellows tell me that it sort of comes home to you in a rush at the last minute i knew that he would do his best and so i went to my bed that night for the last time as i felt not any of the usual sensations as to the end of my i had no fears no doubts for the future i was perfectly contented and happy in what i was doing in the step i was about to take and yet upon my heart there lay a leaden weight for the first time in my life i understood what the last hours of life must be to the about to suffer death upon the across the gloom of whose misery and a self made despair falls one tiny ray of hope i had across the weight of my heart one faint thread of hope that before the hour of my wedding came philip s people would have made some sign chapter xxi it is well when the final touch of happiness comes at the last moment it is more valuable then i went to church on my wedding morning firmly resolved that come what would i would not shed a tear i never could see if a girl is marrying from a proper motive the man of her heart and particularly if she is doing well in the eyes of all her friends and relations why she should think it necessary to be damp and i have seen a bride marrying a man with whom she was passionately in love to whose engagement there had never been the smallest whose future seemed all bright whose past was weep steadily from walking into the church to walking out of it i can quite understand that to an ordinary man however much in love he may be with his bride elect it must be a terrible moment when he has to enter the sacred edifice well knowing that he will have to wait from fifteen to thirty minutes before the arrival of the bride i think a man must feel more or less naked under those circumstances he has nothing with a self made which to protect himself his best man takes charge of his hat he takes neither umbrella nor stick to church with him his gloves are on his hands he is tight up in a frock coat and he knows that every eye in the curiosity filled congregation is upon him upon him mark you they don t care a whether his frock coat is black or grey whether his tie is kept in place by a diamond pin or even whether it is kept in place at all he is the bridegroom he is so to speak a naked soul and he has | 30 |
nothing with which to conceal himself from the devouring gaze of several hundred pairs of pitiless eyes he knows that they all enjoy his discomfiture he knows that in a great many cases the majority of those who are watching him cannot tell what he found attractive in her if she has money they think he has sold himself if she has no money they think she has him it s an awful thing for a man to get married i sometimes wonder that men can ever be found to go through it but with a woman it is different if she is young and pretty and is making a good match she knows that every woman in the place at least is her if she is plain but otherwise attractive she knows that she has found her if she is rich well it may be a but i don t think she ever thinks about it i never knew a rich girl who seemed to do so then she is the of a beautiful dress a dress which would be trying to many if it were not for the merciful veil which her and any defects while it any beauties nor is she alone in her glory she has two four six eight or ten more or less a self made lovely in the rear dressed to perfection and they take considerable share of the glances of the curious besides the bridegroom is waiting for her and she has an arm upon which to lean it would be easy to understand if the bridegroom gave way to tears and wept right through the marriage ceremony but with the bride it is the most foolish thing in the world so i went to church on my wedding morning and i said to myself that as i went up the aisle i would hold my head high and not one tear should dim the lustre of my radiance my elder brother gave me away mother declined to do so she said it was a little unusual even though the queen had done it in her time and when i pressed her on the point she said that as she had not felt equal to giving away she thought it would be wiser if she didn t do so either with or me so i went to church with my elder brother who was so painfully nervous that one would have thought he was going to be married himself you won t break down old girl will you he just as we drove up to the church i laughed outright no don t you think you will i don t know i feel uncommonly queer he answered how funny boys are i got out and my white dress up the crimson covered steps in the porch my stood in a line six on either side and pulled out my train as i passed between them into just the correct folds then i put my hand upon my a self made brother s shaking arm and together we passed up the aisle how young they look i heard one sympathetic voice say i know not whose the voice was but it touched me touched me to the quick i felt a sort of thrill go through me and as we slowly advanced up the aisle something like a terror overtook me y the time i reached the steps where philip was waiting i was with fear my knees knocked together my legs shook under me i think i must have gone as white as my gown for i saw both my brother and my bridegroom turn and look anxiously at me i don t remember whether i really made the or not but the ceremony went steadily on and philip and i were pronounced man and wife what happened after that is a confused kind of dream i remember philip kissed me and then my mother and then a lot of people came and shook hands and then i put on my glove which somebody for me then philip said now and gave me his arm and the next moment we were going slowly down the aisle between two seas of faces it would have been a hideous moment if philip hadn t been so thoroughly himself all his brother officers were there of course and a great many other men whom he knew and every one seemed to be stretching out hands to us on either side so that our progress was robbed of half its horrors of course we had a g ard of honour and a lot of the men of philip s own troop were assembled about the doors they broke into a cheer as we came out into the soft september sunshine i o a self made thank you ever so much thank you thank you he kept on saying then as i got into the carriage he my train in after me and got in himself the next moment we were on our way to the hotel where my mother was to receive our friends as soon as we stepped out of the carriage philip s own man stood with a of in his hand all right bring them into the hall said my husband we were not shown directly into the great room where mother was to receive the visitors but into a little sitting room where was waiting that she might properly my hair philip stood busily opening the flame coloured congratulations congratulations he said oh here s one that will please you good old he put one into my hand thousand congratulations dear boy so after all one of philip s nearest relatives had come forward with the right spirit i believe my lord said who was an intelligent person of the soldier servant order and who had taken the most desperately personal interest in every detail concerning our marriage i believe my lord | 30 |
that there s a present from her there s a packet from india let s have it in here said philip did you bring it round oh yes my lord i did i thought you d want to show it with the other presents if it was it s pretty heavy a self made i i he like the handy man he was had brought a in his pocket and he quickly open the wooden case which had come all those thousands of miles it wasn t a present but several a beautiful string of pearls for me with a diamond clasp from lord and lady with a pretty message written on one of her cards then there was a very elegant afternoon tea service and tray all of silver inscribed to my sister in law from and for philip a great set in a ring with a card attached to it on which was written to my dearest old philip from i hadn t shed a tear up to that moment but i simply howled over those tokens of good will from the other side of the world i think philip was a little bit too though he pretended that he wasn t good old he kept on saying it was decent of her wasn t it i thought old would turn up she ll give it to mother when she gets out there see if she doesn t mother always goes by what says oh philip i cried i thought that they would go by what your mother said although i don t know what she does say it must be something horrid because what have i done that she should never have taken any notice of me well my dear child you are the prettiest woman in london that s what you ve done there are plenty of people who will hate you all your ufe because you have a better skin a better pair of eyes better a self made ever oh don t cry darling i can t bear to see it it makes me feel quite myself i was so at the idea of philip the doing a little weep over a of presents that i burst out laughing and the threatened storm went by i shall never forget mother s face when she came hurrying in after us she having been the next to leave the church my dear boy my dear boy she kept saying yes i know but it s dear old good old oh she s a brick and a half you will put them with the others won t you said mother anxiously oh yes rather put them where they will show said philip that was one reason why i loved philip so much he was so downright he was a man without any no fuss no beating about the bush he went straight to the point in that as in everything else stick em right in front where they ll show mother was his remark as she went swimming into the great room all down one side of which the presents were arranged on long tables covered with white the string of pearls in one hand and the ring in the other never mind whose you out of the way but put s things where they ll show the faithful was behind us with the tea service i ve been looking along the tables my lord he said eagerly and i think just here would be as effective as anywhere a self made yes stick em there you re quite right but you must put the pearls and ring with the mustn t you mother my dear boy said mother turning and looking at him her look was a caress in itself i felt somehow that it was to my mother s soul to be called mother by a nobleman the very next that came hurrying in were and the best man rushed up to me and kissed me again and again oh win such news i whispered such lovely presents come from the you don t say so and a lovely oh where do show me i had just time to take her to see the pearls and the other things when the rest of came pouring in and then i had to stand in the middle of the room under an arrangement of flowers holding my lovely white and receiving murmur after murmur of i was really tired out when the long string of guests had come to an end but i had between gentle murmurs of hope you will be very happy thousand long life and happiness and such like good wishes kept my eyes sufficiently open to see lead my sister in triumph to the presents and the i saw that tossed her head and that she looked rather displeased than otherwise then the head waiter came and spoke to philip and he spoke in turn to my mother and one or two other people immediately afterwards giving me his arm and i a self made leading me towards the room at the farther end of the in which the wedding breakfast was laid out awaiting us chapter xxii the lady st the way to get round some women is to appeal to their to others appeal to their we had been married nearly two months we got a good long leave i believe men in the army generally can get a long leave on the occasion of their marriage for some reason the th were not going to the that year philip said because they had been so hard while they were lying in camp be that as it may there were no and we did get a beautiful long leave we went abroad our reasons for going abroad were many in the first place we didn t like to go anywhere in england until we had been to and then to philip | 30 |
didn t want to go to until after the middle of october or for the matter of that either you see those beggars are all busy with their harvest he explained and if they ve got to leave their harvest to do the civil to us they will all be put out you and i could go to a dozen country houses and pay a dozen visits but it would be an awful bore a self made to be always up with a lot of other so we ll just go off on our own what do you say it made no difference to me i didn t care where we went so accompanied by and a smart maid we left our native shores with europe before us when you are young and wealthy you can do a good bit of europe in five weeks and we did our duty nobly we spent a great deal of money and we kept ourselves very much to ourselves of which i was glad for i had fully made up my mind that although t would never give myself airs the of was a person who did not need to have a very large visiting list for a thousand reasons i intended that my husband s people should never have the chance of saying that i didn t keep up the of the family i had experienced several times a difficulty which had arisen from good picking up acquaintances while travelling was always doing it always picking up acquaintances in hotels and places and then handing them on to us as smart people twice she had landed us in most serious situations until at last we had all resolutely made up our minds that never never should palm off any of her smart acquaintances upon us again philip would have hated it if i had been hail fellow well met with everybody we came across he was awfully jolly and civil himself mind you would lend his newspapers to anybody or ask the loan of a light but there he stopped short we went to all sorts of places saw all sorts of sights bought all sorts of treasures then duly went home to and were received by a crowd of i a self made and with whom philip was evidently a prime favourite of course everybody in the neighbourhood called they began the day after our arrival all the best people round about but oh they were dull ought to have been there to receive them the first to come were lord and lady st he with a tendency to and she with a tendency to which made her sound every now and again like a cat you know that peculiar cough i m sure they came early in the afternoon in a c spring carriage with the horses i had ever seen in my life oh do come philip i cried here are a pair of rocking horses coming up the avenue i think that s the st turn out yes it is i see the old lord poor now you re in for it the next moment they were ushered into the room my dear i am most pleased to welcome you to the neighbourhood we have known that is lord st and i have known your good husband from a boy i may say earlier that that cough cough dear me how tiresome my cough is i hope you will excuse me my dear i am an old woman and my tendency to always makes me cough when i first come into the house she spoke in and settled herself down in a huge high backed chair of carved wood in which she looked very extraordinary she was wearing a velvet a self made mantle trimmed with a fur of which i had the recollection in my earliest youth lord st and i are so glad that has married at last it has been a very anxious time with his mother she has long wanted him to be married and settled oh has she i said a good woman my dear a very good woman but hard she doesn t believe in flannel now let me advise you as a wife of nearly fifty years standing who has brought up seven great sons all strong fine healthy men let me advise you to take into your deepest consideration the medical value of flannel none of your fine satin flannel that recommend but a good honest flannel worn next the skin i felt a kind of shudder go through me i thought of my poor philip a figure six feet two clad in grey flannel and looking like a in hospital oh don t you think that wool is very no my dear wool is a and a delusion that doctor man that makes horrible garments by machinery ought to be put to death there is no virtue in any things any machine made things flannel good flannel hand made worn next the skin is worth its weight in gold oh well i must talk philip over he doesn t wear anything of that kind as yet no i suppose not i have talked to his mother times out of count but she s a hard woman i think she was never ill in her life she always wears silk things oh does she i said i don t know tt i a self made i took a sudden resolve i felt that it was no use trying to hide from my husband s own people his oldest friends the fact that my mother in law had resolutely turned her back upon me i thought it was best to the truth at the very first in a frank and way so as to suspicion you see i don t know lady i said i did hear something about it said lady st in reply but my lord | 30 |
and i have never been influenced in any of our movements by our neighbours we always judge everything from our own of course we all know what lady s wishes were they were american and they were guinea gold wishes yes a hard woman a hard woman for myself i could not believe any good i i could not believe well my dear i hardly know how to express it i could never have any faith in a woman who has no belief in the virtue of flannel a very hard woman so that was one reason why my lord and i came very quickly to call upon you we had the pleasure years ago of knowing your father a very distinguished man a very important man a very influential man and we have met your mother once or twice and we like dear so much better for marrying where his heart led him and we hear that it was quite a love match oh quite a love match i said we are awfully in love with each other lady st awfully don t we look it well you do you looked a very delightful and when we came in but my dear you must it a self made on the subject of flannel i hadn t any money either my dear and i wasn t bad looking when i was your age not as pretty as you are by any means but not bad looking and my lord was very much in love with me i think i may say that he has been in love with me ever since and you have educated him in flannel i assure you he is in it in it and he has lived longer than any st on record you see the whole family has a tendency to it s a dreadful thing where a family has a tendency to i know of nothing worse except but my seven boys all brought up in flannel good flannel hand made and worn next the skin have not developed so far a single symptom of in any degree perhaps they take after you no not specially so not specially so but they re good boys oh yes they re very good boys i have had no trouble with them to speak of you must certainly to the virtues of flannel and my dear i must when you come to see me i must show you my pattern book and i ll tell you exactly where to buy it and exactly how much to pay for it and i will g ve you the pattern for making it as well i rather thought i saw myself dressed in grey flannel from head to foot hand made and worn next the skin but i felt that it would not do to quarrel at the outset with one of our most important neighbours particularly one who had evidently no special love for the lady i a self made it is so sweet and kind of you i replied when my mother comes down to stay with us here you must come and meet her and talk to her about old days and you must her in flannel i said smiling sweetly at her she was completely taken in she thought i was a regular convert to the virtues of flannel grey hand made and worn next the skin i was but not in the way she thought and when i come over to see you which will be very soon because we must go on to i shall get you to order me a good stock that i may always have some by me i wish everybody was as kind as you i said in a sort of sweet my dear said she and dropping her voice to its lowest tone my dear you d never believe how thick headed people are on the subject of flannel now there s a nice creature a pretty creature married well very happy good position when she was going out to india i said to her oh my dear whatever you have done in the past take my advice and take with you to india plenty of flannel believe me the only way to keep well in india is to wear flannel next the skin and to see that it is well before you put it on oh she laughed me to scorn i heard afterwards that she had all her things made of the what was the result hadn t been in india three months before she was down with the yes and fever they had to send her to the hills they thought they would have to send her home i wrote to her my dear i said a self made i hear that you are down with and fever if you had taken my advice as to flannel and worn next the skin you would have had no and no fever i wish you well and i hope you will take warning before it is too late take warning my dear what do you think she wrote back dear lady st it s awfully sweet of you to bother about me i had a little touch of fever it s true but i have never had the as if my had anything to do with indian fever and however if people will not be for their own good they must suffer they must suffer but you you dear little thing you are a good girl and sweet and you will have your reward you put that long boy of yours and your own precious little self into complete suits of grey flannel and you will live to bless the day i came to call upon you i m sure i shall i said smiling at her i happened to turn round and caught sight of philip philip s face was a study and | 30 |
garden parties at which the guests walked about sadly looking at the roses a few of the last roses of summer and mothers sat in groups together discussing their servants and their daughters garden parties with heavy young men who played oh it was a neighbourhood philip i said to my husband one day when we were driving back from one of these you told me once that you always felt uncomfortable at i don t wonder at it philip can t you do anything can t we rouse this terrible neighbourhood into something like gaiety can t we it into something like life i don t think so he replied there s only one woman who ever tried and that was little lady a self made she was married about five years since they ve got a huge place eight or nine miles from the castle a splendid place and is rolling in money she came here and the whole descended upon her just as they have descended upon you and she said just what you say can t i it into something like life at least she acted as if she did but she had to and now whenever she comes to cross she always has a house full of people and then she asks the local to a dinner which they only are able to with a little of their own it s no use your trying to reform the society of my dear you can t do it we haven t got money enough and if we had it wouldn t be worth it how does your mother get on here my mother never came to at least very seldom she preferred i very soon found that philip was perfectly right that it was not worth being a great lady in you see the principal town wasn t a very important place in itself there was no garrison and there was no cathedral so that it as little more than a market town with a dash of the element thrown in the only of the year so far as i could gather from philip were the hunt ball and the ball of course philip to both so it really didn t matter whether we took the trouble to make the balls go or let them alone from we went to direct was in a lovely country almost on the a self made border it was a very different house from the castle a regular house long low rambling with queer wings added here and there large out at different points and like velvet it was backed up by masses of scenery and was one of the loveliest spots i had ever seen inside too the house was homely comfortable and capable of great things in the way of philip i said when i had been all over the house the morning after our arrival tell me one thing tell me true don t break it to me are the people round here anything like the people in no they re a much better lot but there are no very big places round here there are a lot of nice people county people you know not very well off my heart sank i didn t want to shine among county people not very well off with nice little places i had seen quantities of such people come and go at swift park i had always found that their enjoyment was their opinions their dress horrid and their ways intensely old fashioned i think that i had lived such a life between london and paris and rome that i stood in no awe of and i thought familiar old rather a nuisance than otherwise i wasn t actually bored at as i had been at but i made up my mind before i had been there a fortnight that i should set my heart more in house than i should in either of our country seats the only really great house within reach of was where the duke and of a self made lived was of course as everybody knows one of the show places in england and it seemed to me preposterous that philip s bride should have been a fortnight at and no communication had taken place between and why don t the duke and of call philip i asked at last oh the ye es i don t suppose they will he replied but why not oh the wasn t friends with them why wasn t she i don t know but she hates the and the hates her and they don t visit but that s rather hard upon me yes it is but i suppose she would hardly think of calling on you unless she had met you somewhere shall i meet her anywhere among these people oh dear no of course mustn t forget it s sixteen miles from here to well but what s sixteen miles for a country acquaintance nothing do you mean to say that she doesn t visit any of these people no i m sure she doesn t possibly yes i think certainly she comes sometimes to see the two old miss at the corner but i doubt if she is on visiting terms with anybody else i said nothing more but i made up my mind that i must get to know the i must be on terms with the great lady who would not know my law i didn t know how i should manage it but it a self made i made up my mind that that was one of the objects which it must be my special aim to attain we went to more dinner parties such tame affairs with such old fashioned ways some of them carved on the table they were dreadfully dull i was mostly taken in to dinner by a | 30 |
old gentleman who at me as if i was a fox in another field and through a sort of of and tall i could see my poor philip getting through the time with a comfortable lady in a velvet dinner gown trimmed with old lace which was the of the gown worn by our last hostess and would be repeated again in the case of our next oh it was weary work going into county society and i felt that was wise not to have fallen in love with it then our leave came to an end and we went back to the i don t think i liked life very much i had been used to a small house in street but i had never known anything like the space into which we and all our were squeezed in our hut in camp you see the field officers got all the and the fact that philip was the twenty third earl of didn t help me a bit in military matters it was pretty enough and plenty of people came to call they were not an interesting kind of people in fact before i had been at camp a month i had that it doesn t do to live all your life in london and then yourself to a sphere life in a great city spoils you for everything of lesser degree it was horrid when philip was orderly officer when i had a self made nothing to do all day long but wander in and out of those wretched lines either walking or driving being equally dull philip i said when he was orderly officer for the third time within a fortnight do you think it s good enough to keep on this kind of life he looked at me for a minute half doubtful no hang me if i do he replied then i said why do you remain why stay in the service look here he said if you like we ll it chapter xxiv work for a living there is no in this world if we are not struggling up we are most assuredly slipping down that very afternoon philip broke it to some of his brother officers that we were not going to stay in the th half a dozen came into tea with me that afternoon and philip took the opportunity of breaking the news in his own characteristic way no he said in answer to a question i don t think i shall enter for the point to point this year because we re going to jack up going to jack up what asked one while the others looked up we re going to jack up the service the doesn t seem to see the value of living in a hut and visiting all the military women in the camp you see she s an out and out and she s never been out of sound of bow bells that s about the truth of it oh no philip i cried it isn t that if they gave you your troop i don t think i should mind so much no chance of my troop for another two years he declared until that moment i had really not in my own mind decided definitely what our life in future was to be apart from philip s regiment the prospect how a self made ever of two years when he would be perhaps three times every fortnight orderly officer for the day was too much for me and every scrap of pride i had in his uniform vanished yes we re going to jack up i said our visitors all laughed as if i had said something very clever now people in london don t laugh like that there one has to say something really clever before one raises the smallest sign of approval that s an awfully good joke said one oh in another think of the of the service a third you may as well go on calling him the i said promptly because of course i heard him called the long before i thought i should ever be mrs philip at this they all laughed again it was very i hastened to assure them that neither the nor i were joking in our declared of leaving the th to look after themselves then having broken the ice we lost no time in getting ourselves out of the regiment i breathed freely as we went up to london for the last time from camp now philip i said let s have a good long spell of st james s it was then already the new year and i had disposed of all my fifty yards of flannel and of a very large order besides for we had managed to snatch a week at christmas time part of which we v t r v o r v a self made spent at and part at lady st was charmed with me so kind of you you dear little thing she remarked to think of my poor and their industry your order was a perfect for things have been a little quiet with us just lately now tell me dear you feel much better for my advice don t your oh i do dear st i replied and dear how does he take to the new order of things otherwise grey flannel i returned well to tell you the truth lady st he was rather blank about it at first but when i explained matters he reconciled himself and you both feel better for the change well i think we do yes i don t think we re any the worse anyway oh my dear you are both young you don t yet recognise the full value of grey flannel i must congratulate dear on his common sense i devoutly hoped she would do nothing of the kind they | 30 |
had come over to lunch quite we had only five people staying in the house my mother and paul and a couple of men i tried hard all through the course of the meal to be as brilliant as possible and to keep the conversation quite general so that lady st should have no opportunity of philip about his i saw the last course arrive with hopes that were bright but alas they were speedily dashed a self made to the ground for i suddenly heard her begin upon the hated and dangerous topic my dear she began i am so relieved at what your wife tells me what s that lady st said philip as he a bit of butter and then a bit of cheese on to his about your being so so sensible as to take my advice my dear boy i know you will bless me as long as you live oh you mean about our what do you mean lady st he asked looking straight at her i mean about the grey flannel said lady st i stared at philip in an agony of apprehension surely he would not be so mean as to give me away or so thoughtless not mean no philip wasn t mean but he might be thoughtless grey flannel he said i don t understand you but lady has had all that grey flannel i recommended made up oh yes she has she has and ordered a lot more he replied at the top of his voice by jove i think you ought to give me a commission it s very expensive stuff you know oh my dear boy it s worth its weight in gold hand made and worn next the skin yes i it is and you don t find it uncomfortable no i don t he replied it a self made that s a mercy they were talking at cross purposes anybody could see that except a woman so wrapped up in her subject as lady st was i sat with my hands clasped together on the edge of the table praying devoutly that they might both keep it up the first feeling of irritation soon wears yes mine did said philip now what did he mean by that and the comfort is beyond any words to express well so everybody seems to think returned my husband i met her eye and gave her the signal it was much too soon and mother who had not touched her looked at me with an open eyed stare of astonishment as if she thought i had taken leave of my senses my dear she said to me when our visitors had driven away why did you hurry them so at lunch such a mistake oh my dear mother no mistake at all i did it cold i replied in another minute she would have asked philip to draw up his sleeves and show her just how his grey flannel fitted what oh i did feel quite faint the effort to keep going was dreadful it never occurred to me when i bought two hundred yards of flannel that she would actually want to question philip about the application of it and then i told mother all about lady st s first call and the history of my lavish purchase of grey flannel o a self made oh i understand i understand well you were on thin ice what a mercy you thought of giving the signal so soon now i continued my mother should have sat there on thorns but i should never have thought of the expedient of cutting the whole conversation short by leaving the room you are very clever oh yes you are very clever what do you say said philip coming in at that moment i was telling dear how clever i thought it of her to go away from the table as she did and stop that nice old lady s into your garments eh what i don t understand you mean lady st yes indeed i do my garments what do you mean mother he always addressed mother as i did it was nice of philip mother loved it why what do you mean mother he repeated philip i broke in i was in such a fever you know how she on the first time she came about her grey flannel hand made worn next the skin and all the rest of it oh yes my child i have known that for the last twenty years well she fastened upon me as a new convert amiable young not to say and i told her that i would have made both for you and me at once and then i gave away all of the a self made fifty yards among the poor and i had one hundred and fifty yards more and it never occurred to me when i had given such a huge order that she would actually ask you the details of its application but you don t mean to say that she thinks i am in a sort of s garb under my clothes does she yes she does that was what she meant i say come now that s too much that s a bit too thick well thick or not philip it s true you just glance back over the conversation and you will see and philip did see and laughed oh i thought he would have died of laughing however a danger averted is no longer a danger and we got away from that time without once again the champion of flannel and at last we found ourselves free of all ties safely established in our house in st james s how i loved it i should not have minded a brass if i had heard one morning that castle had been burnt to the ground and the next morning that had followed | 30 |
suit if only i had been left with my beautiful london house it was so spacious so so i always felt somebody when i went up the stairs and i felt somebody when i came down the stairs there was only one fly in the of my content and that was the within a few weeks of our settling ourselves in house that i was not in the right swim i was presented on my marriage by the o a self made lady i had the most beautiful clothes had lovely carriages i had a french maid my jewels were dazzling and my china skin more like china than ever but i was not in the right set it worried me very much lady helped me a bit i went about with her a good deal during that season and i met a lot of very nice people through her but somehow i didn t seem to count we gave a few dinner parties and they went off very well but they were not sufficiently important to satisfy me i confided my doubts to suggested i should give a series of but the idea did not commend itself to me what was the good of giving to a lot of people who were not the right sort you ought to get somebody to float you somebody really influential said win in conclusion i didn t think so in the first place i didn t know anybody sufficiently influential to float me into just the set in which i wanted to shine and then hated going out which was another he said it was all a ghastly bore and for his part he liked going to an opera or a music hall you can queen it as hard as you like down at but it seemed to bore you he said looking at me rather wistfully oh yes i know yes of course but they are such a set of old down there i should like to be in the smart set here i suppose you will come to it in time was philip s remark of course lady i went on to win a self made will be as nice as she can in fact just as she has been but she is not one of the set is she she was all right to present one for of course in a measure she represents philip s family but that is all she s not an ambitious woman why she doesn t know a single well of course in your position you are out of it if you don t know all the said in in a large tone and it s horrid being out of it what s the good of living in st james s with two great places in the country if you are not in it i said for a minute or two win sat looking thoughtfully into the fire it was quite late in may but the weather had been very chilly for some days and i had a fire in my i ll tell you what it is she said very seriously resting her chin on her hand and her elbow on her knee it doesn t matter what your station is in t liis world you ve got to have an object when you were a your object was to marry into the and now you have married into the you have another goal before you another object in life it seems to me she went on that in the as in everything else you can t sit still and make no progress you must go forward or you must slip back there s no standing still you don t seem to find it much good playing at being just the of and nothing more and to be something more you must work for your living chapter xxv a problem the inner ways of society are like the human body fearful and wonderful as my sister uttered those words you must work for your living i stared at her for fully a minute in speechless astonishment work for my living i the of sitting at that moment in a lovely house in st james s dressed in a delicate rose pink tea gown with my white hands covered with many glittering and beautiful rings i was really too much astonished to speak and then i pulled myself up from the depths of my big chair and sat at attention what do you mean win she turned her clear eyes upon me still resting her chin on the palm of her hand i mean this you have achieved your end so far as your goes you are the of but you have still got to make yourself as a married woman and as a woman of position how make myself well take all these well known ladies of the set in which you would like to be they have all done something or are doing something they are all out of the common they re not just lady this or the that every one is identified with some movement io a self made there s lady she runs the asylum for starved cats you don t suppose that lady cares about starved cats not at all but it gives her something to work for something to be identified with something to make her different from lady who is lady and nobody else then there s the of she heads a against the slaughter of and such like you can t be on her visiting list if you have an in your hat she s rich they must have quite two hundred thousand a year but she finds it necessary to do something and be something more important than mere of you must take up some subject you must go for a hospital or the league or run a district in the east end or | 30 |
it on the twenty first a drawing room meeting lord is going to and he is very important you know it s a regular find for us to get hold of him and mrs dick is going to and half a dozen of the biggest people in london if you would lend us your drawing room we should have a great success and make a lot of money then i thought of a cloak room and of a lot of very smart g to sell and fm afraid you d have to give tea oh i should not mind giving tea provided philip doesn t object well we ll take it for granted that philip will not object she said so i shall tell them to get on with the of the bills it s a good object i oh my dear a perfect object they take the most miserable wretched ignorant and ill used children of the poor and they simply treat them as if they were little princes and every whim is gratified and they don t care what money they spend so that these children have everything that skill and care can do for them there s not a distinguished physician or surgeon in london who is not on the medical staff but of course it takes a good deal of money to keep going we re always looking out for money always asking for money i m sure my life is a perfect in the cause of the great southern hospital you could not dear suggest somebody who would be a little more attractive than the majority could you i a self made well i don t know that i could i might if you gave me time to think it over somebody dear a little improper i find that nothing the small minded class of people and them equally like somebody a little improper whom they would never have the chance of meeting in any of their houses now there s that dear naughty so clever and so wicked if you could get her to come and give us her highest kick which we would duly make known privately we should simply net a fortune but i don t know i said rather my mother would have had a fit of if she thought i had ever come within fifty miles of outside of a theatre i protested oh when you were a girl yes quite right of course that goes without saying your mother was a good mother brought you up most properly but change you are the of now and as long as you have an reputation you can afford to know anybody that you choose i was not at all sure whether i could afford to know the and precious who had the reputation of being one of the women in london i might get hold of her i said hesitatingly but lady should i have to know her afterwards well in a sort of a way i mean supposing you met her outside the at for instance it a self made you could just say how do you do madame nothing more oh and if i met her in a shop well dear it wouldn t matter i the shop people wouldn t know the difference between and you oh i don t know what philip will say philip has old fashioned ideas well we must get over those in the cause of charity you know dear in the cause of charity we can all afford to be a little outrageous then there s that woman who is playing at the she d be a draw wouldn t she yes i she would i will see what philip says how you do harp upon philip i declare you positively spoil him then i ll tell you who there is and you were in such an artistic set before you married i you could secure his presence i mean the handsome young man who sings spanish love songs oh yes i have met him well has he been to see you since you were married oh no i never sent him a card that was foolish of you my dear you should always keep in touch with people who can do things you never know when they will come in useful well i m off now i shall tell them to get on with the bills and the because there s no time to spare between this and the twenty first i think we might even get if we are lucky but it s rather i a self made short notice for that still we will do our best certainly a or so and you will secure and the woman from the what s her horrid name that s it and if you can get those three with the set we have already secured my dear you will have the success of the season so ta ta i shall go straight away and tell them to get on with the no ril not stop for any tea i haven t time i shall be lucky if i get any dinner these things all have to be worked up you know and so she out of the room leaving me face to face with the problem of how i was to break the news to philip that his house was going to be turned into a music hall under the of of the and the celebrated high chapter xxvi to grind wheels with wheels something like a chinese puzzle it happened that evening that we were going to dine with mother in her little house in street what a little box it did seem to me after my fine big family mansion but that s neither here nor there i always felt the same when i went to see my own people i broke the news to philip | 30 |
that for you nothing could be more simple could it paul easy enough said paul with a charming air of indifference well if you can manage it i said feeling very grateful and thankful i ll leave it to you you must give me some of your cards and we ll see after it to morrow morning as early as possible this evening if we have a chance oh it can be managed it s quite true that they are draws both of them to say nothing of so it was settled that i should agree to lady s proposal and lend the drawing rooms at house as a means of making money for the great southern hospital for children we left philip it a self made and paul to amuse each other for a quarter of an hour after dinner and ourselves went up to the my dear said as she closed the door behind us i think that s the best bit of luck that s come in your way for a long time nothing is so effective particularly in a young woman as working for the of suffering in small children it s a far better card than animals or anything of that kind old lady has done you a much better turn than she knows of you must work it for all you are worth you must give a lovely tea just such a tea as you would have for a party of your own plenty of cup and things and let them be good put out a lot of plate and make everything just as smart as if it was for your friends and then if i were you i should ask all my own friends and let lady have any amount of cards for all hers and if she gets a why your fortune is made i don t believe you will get a put in mother the notice is too short very likely you will not be able to get either or the other woman but it s a good thing dear in your position to take interest in the sufferings of others particularly in the sufferings of little children by and by when you have little children of your own you will be glad that you gave of your means and of your time to benefit those who have no one to take care of them no one to nurse them nobody to love them took her cue instantly from mother oh yes of course it s the right thing to do in your position a self made and when you have such a superb of rooms she said hastily and you must be sure to wear a very pretty dress has hardly anything but pretty dresses said mother but one of your prettiest dresses cried i shall come round in the morning dear and let you know what success paul has had i know he will be able to get one if not both of them i had a terrible time between then and the day of the drawing room meeting lady took complete possession of the house workmen came and workmen went they measured the biggest of the three drawing rooms for a kind of high and the day before the twenty first they came and fixed it up and really when it was covered with red cloth draped round the edges in and finished oflf with groups of plants and palms it all looked very smart and nice then they brought in a piano as it seemed that one of the young ladies who was to sing was under contract to certain never to sing to any instrument other than theirs during these days lady professed herself in despair not a to be had for love or money not one it really is too ive been to several i know and they re all fixed up why did these stupid people leave it so late or fix their silly meeting for the twenty first i wonder how it would do to get some very prominent that would lend a sort of to the wouldn t it i don t know i m sure i replied i never had anything to do with this kind of entertainment i have a self made lent you my rooms i have ordered the tea i have asked a great many of my friends i have given you an unlimited supply of cards and got you both and the to say nothing of further than that my powers do not go lady i don t know any or any in any case fm sure you had better try and get a particularly smart person to i would suggest the man that walked on foot from one end of africa to the other a sort of john o to land s end feat only in africa instead of great britain everybody is aching about him he s been everywhere to to house all round the show and if you can get hold of him you ll do very well as a matter of fact my feelings did not at all with my words i felt sick at the idea of taking so much trouble and having no not even a to come and grace the show however it was no use quarrelling with lady about it i knew she had done her best for her own sake if not for mine and after all it was a beginning it would put me in the way of my drawing rooms for the benefit of the poor and afflicted i knew that was right that i must work for a living to be somebody as important as i wanted to be to be a person in the exact swim which was my ambition it was no use going on being a great lady to mrs i wanted to be a great lady among | 30 |
other great ladies but all the same i did feel that it was hard work to take so much trouble to attract so little a self made ril tell you what said philip to me the evening before the twenty first you re wearing yourself to fiddle strings over this business it ain t worth it little woman it ain t worth it it s awfully good of you to bother about the poor little but you ought to think about yourself you really ought by jove they ought to be grateful to you you see philip it was sprung upon me i said i had no thought of going into any such thing but it came and mother seems to think it is more or less incumbent upon me as your wife to be made use of in this way i suppose she s right but i feel so anxious and so afraid that i have not done quite the right thing oh my dear if it s a failure it won t be through any fault of yours you won t be to blame for that you think not philip not a bit of it besides as long as you make pots of money that s the great thing the proof of the you know is in the eating it s a pity s mother in law didn t manage to get you a but as very truly says the time was too short you have to secure months before the thought came into my mind that i would use that idea and give a hint to the secretary of the great southern hospital for children that i might be good for another meeting later on provided that they were able to secure the presence of chapter a slow process getting on is a slow process except when one is getting on in years if a great crowd of people and a very large sum of money to the good of the hospital were any of success then indeed the drawing room meeting for the benefit of the great southern hospital for children was a brilliant success and yet i felt somehow that it wasn t a success at all not from my stand point that is to say we did secure the presence of the african traveller he made a bad but was an interesting in himself and a good many people especially young ladies with books to whom he was extremely good natured were intensely interested in every word that he let fall but he didn t do me any good and i felt as if the meeting hadn t done me any good either i gave a lovely tea just as nice as if it had been an invitation party of my own friends to meet some distinguished or other great but as i looked round the lovely dining room and saw all the people up the and various kinds of cup that had been provided my soul sunk within me i felt that i had worked to no purpose i had worked but i had not made any advance towards making my living a self made my dear said mother when she and were taking leave of me i think you may congratulate yourself on a great success so glad you think so dear mother i replied i thought well i suppose the hospital has done very well i ended rather i turned from mother to find my sister s clear keen eyes fixed steadily on me i know what you mean she said in her own way but all the same it s a beginning you can t do everything at the first show next time you must take care to secure a it s not worth the trouble unless you can do that of course she said this in a hurried and not a soul but myself heard a single word great success little woman said philip when we were at last left alone together oh philip do you think so i don t think about it i m perfectly certain of it why the blessed hospital fifteen hundred pounds you wait until to morrow and see what a success it is considered yes from a money point of view darling i said rather well what other point of view is there well there s the social point of view philip ha ha ha a lot the hospital cares about the social point of view no not the hospital but i do my dear he said in a tone of much amusement if you are yearning to get all the flower of the aristocracy gathered under your roof all i can say it a self made is that the way to do it is to show that you can get the after this every woman that s got a pet charity who wishes to have fifteen hundred pounds in an afternoon without trouble every one of them will be after you and you must take devilish h m good care not to let yourself get by more or less grand ladies who have got some of their own to grind my mother for years past would never lend her house at all between ourselves i don t believe she s lent it once since was married and that s about six years ago did she lend it ever before philip oh well yes she did you see both the girls were interested in various and she did it to please them i didn t see anything but it suddenly came home to me like a flash of light that my mother in law had had to work for her living just as i was doing for mine the thought comforted me not a little i said very little more about the show to philip the following day old lady came to see me quite early in the morning philip had | 30 |
indeed but just gone out for a ride in the park my dear she exclaimed what a success do you think so lady i said in a modest kind of tone oh my dear she cried do i think so why the hospital people are perfectly wild about it fifteen hundred pounds into the funds think what that means and no effort no trouble nothing all got up in a few days indeed i think you may congratulate yourself on the whole affair i know a self made i did the only thing my dear child is that you will be overwhelmed now with from all sorts of people to help them in charitable things now my dear girl whatever you do don t give yourself away and make yourself too cheap if i might advise you i would confine myself as much as possible while you are in london to one branch of charity don t give yourself away to everything that you re asked for it s a fatal mistake you mean i m to stick entirely to the hospital for children to make it a close so to speak i said quietly no i don t exactly mean that by any means but i would make see that a charity whatever it is has to have some excellent d before you will identify yourself with it you see after such a success as this you will be asked to lend your rooms for all sorts and conditions of objects now you must lay some on the of your rooms you must insist either upon a certain time being named beforehand or upon some condition that is not easy to fulfil i might insist upon always having a i suggested ye es i don t quite think that would do though she replied you see it s not always easy for and to get hold of they look to you to do that oh do they well i think so i don t know a single lady a self made oh my dear that s a question of a few weeks you can t know everybody all at once til tell you what i would do if i were you identify myself with the lot of children it s a subject that always people i have found in my time in little private that i have undertaken that there s no interest in the old i have never yet had a success she went on for an old person but all human nature has a soft place in its heart for the troubles and of the very young you can get money out of the old that lives if it s for a little child i never but once knew anyone to refuse to help a case where children were concerned i remember the lot of money i made out of that very refusal i had a dreadful family on my hands she went on poor afflicted things a swarm of them father gone mother worn out with child bearing every child afflicted in some way i took the entire lot in hand i attended to them as if they had been my own and i am bound to say that my friends helped me right generously two or were wrong in their lungs another was another was afflicted with there was something with each one you would have been surprised when i sent a sort of whip round among my friends how they came to the front with money with gifts with tickets for various homes and my poor family was helped in all sorts of ways but one very rich old lady to whom had written wrote back and told me that she would not help with a that she considered the sooner such people were all dead and buried the better for the race i made pounds and pounds out of that a self made letter i did i assure you oh my dear there s nothing hke a child for opening fast shut i thought her advice was extremely good and i had just begun to tell her so when the door opened and the secretary of the great southern hospital for children was shown into the room i can hardly describe his state of lady he said i come direct from my committee who held a special meeting this morning in order to pass a vote of the most grateful thanks to you for the brilliant success of yesterday i think it went off very well i said modestly it not only went off very well but the result was beyond our wildest dreams i have never yet known a drawing room meeting that yielded more than five hundred pounds not for our hospital at all events and my dear lady i have known one in a very distinguished house where twenty pounds was all that came into our hands twenty pounds but fifteen hundred oh i think you do not what we can do for our poor children with fifteen hundred pounds you must let me help you again i said in my sweetest tones because i am very fond of i like to do anything i can to their suffering i should like to come and see the hospital one day oh lady whenever you like to come you have only to let us know whenever you like to come the hospital is open to you but my committee would like to show you the attention of being there to receive you if you would let us have two or three days notice a self made n it i think i said i would rather come and see the poor little children when nobody expected me whenever you like but do i entreat you let my committee have the pleasure of receiving you at least once and will you really give us another meeting later on yes i really | 30 |
will but i should like to have more time i should like to have it made a little more of i said hesitatingly how is that possible he cried oh i think a good deal might have been done i replied don t you lady yes oh yes i think so she returned in her tones if we could have got a for instance we should have a great deal more i have great confidence in of work i remarked i don t mean a regular because well i don t but a little sale of work with a to open it and say pretty things and set an example of buying and a smart sort of drawing room meeting thrown in don t you understand me oh lady he said my committee will be we will do anything in our power to further your ideas well at any time that you can arrange with one of the to be present i will see to all the rest and then i hope we shall net at least twice fifteen hundred pounds it will not be my fault if we don t of course it was too late for that season to think about arranging any function of the kind and mr for such was the young secretary s name said as much and there we left it i felt that i had a self made laid the train for a future crop of social for i was determined to be the of or die we had rather a stupid autumn season mother who had spent a good deal of money over my wedding was by way of saving for s and wedding wanted to do things on the cheap and was very anxious not to be long out of reach of paul so they took a house in a wretched little spot on the east coast the house was cheap that was its one recommendation but it was miles anywhere save for the fact that the air was good they might as well have up the front windows and lived at the back of the little house in street philip and i went down and stayed a week with them it was awfully dull there was a strip of three cottages and the quaint little house that mother had taken a long sweep of grey blue sea and that was all we got up fairly early and on the overlooking the sea front then we went down and sat on the sand philip reading his morning paper and i a novel and when a came past we for anything that he might happen to have caught sometimes it was and sometimes it was quite the reverse we had been there five days when the of the parish came and called he for his wife s and said she would call during the following week i felt very glad that the following week would find me flown from by the sea we went to pay a visit it a self made at swift park i don t think i need describe it to you we only stayed three days being due at lady s she during her son and daughter in law s absence was entertaining a party at their country house when the train started which would carry us away from swift park philip made one remark we needn t go again for a long time he said they were slow weren t they philip was my feeling well i don t know that i d call it slow he said doubtfully it was deadly upon my soul it was deadly one could not say that lady s party was deadly or dull on the contrary it was distinctly frivolous even for she had gathered together a dozen people the of the smart set but they were no use no they were no use they only cared for saying witty things uttering sharp remarks being thoroughly for practical jokes for all kinds of out of the way and frivolous excursions i enjoyed myself oh yes to the very full but i felt all the time that not only was i not going up but that i was actually going down you may imagine what a little all work who had determined to herself into a lady s maid would feel like if she went to a dance well now that was exactly what i was feeling all the time that i was under lady s roof i enjoyed it i had no end of fun and philip said it was a after the two fearful visits we had put in the one so and proper the other so very very homely but i didn t feel that the of was anybody chapter there are no too high for an ambitious woman we went to paris for a fortnight after we left hall we had various reasons for doing so i spent a lot of money and i enjoyed myself so did philip we also made some extremely charming acquaintances people quite of the then we went back to where we had a few people to stay with us i won t say that my first house party was a success i am quite sure that everybody enjoyed it it was pleasant enough in its way but it was not composed of such people as i hoped one day to see under my roof the people were all right oh yes but taken in you understand for instance mother and win and paul would have fitted in admirably with a very small house party so would lady so would half a dozen other people whom i had invited but somehow taken in the lump they were only entertaining however rome wasn t bu lt in a day and i held my head higher than ever and was very careful to make much of lord and lady st i got her | 30 |
lots of orders for her wonderful flannel and she seemed never tired of singing my praises in bold relief to the disposition and character of my mother in law all of which was very gratifying to me as i need hardly explain a self made then when christmas was turned we went back to town by that time i had other things to think of than the advancement of my social position i had to dainty little garments for the expected heir and to make all sorts of arrangements for his coming and then when he did come he was a girl it was a great disappointment to both of us a very great disappointment however one has to put up with what comes in the way of babies and we the little girl margaret and i picked out as and the people with whom i was acquainted one of them of course being mrs whose g est i was when i first met philip philip himself didn t care in the least whether the a boy or a girl oh it s a very good beginning he said when i expressed my disappointment to him there s plenty of time i don t know that i wouldn t sooner have a girl myself i am very fond of little girls and by jove she s a jolly big baby there s no mistake about that don t fret yourself about it little woman she s all right nothing to be ashamed of in her by the bye here s a of all you on the great achievement i didn t recover my usual health quite as quickly as my people expected and it was almost spring before i began to think of taking up my social life again that baby was an awful throw back but then of course babies always are and everybody understood as much during the month after i began to go about again i really worked very hard at society yes very hard a self made and now that i look back upon it all i marvel to think how i was in every relation of life i made a rule of answering my letters the moment i had swallowed my breakfast i did indeed i never left so much as an invitation card a single day without a reply i made calls of them i went to parties i gave parties i dressed with scrupulous care and i did a great deal of good work but although i had a huge visiting list i had but a very slight acquaintance among those with whom i to be intimately and connected i attended a drawing room and i went to a state ball also to several royal and other smart functions which fell to my lot naturally but that was all i got no further i felt it was because philip was so of social advantages he cared so little for royal favour for distinctions in life that he made not the slightest effort to try to further my well don t know that philip was all to blame for that because you see i had never told him exactly what i felt regarding his mother and i never put into plain words to him as i didn t mind doing to mother and what i wished to do now that i was the of he was a dear delightful fellow so simple and so unaffected as honest as the day but nature had made a great mistake when she brought him into the world to be a earl i suppose philip was a earl i don t know but i imagine he was you understand what i mean don t you nature made a mistake i think nature makes great mistakes in such matters philip ought to have been a horse dealer or a person who ran an hotel at least not exactly an a self made hotel but an inn place he would have been perfectly happy then and his highest ambition would have been to get some well known or player to come and drink for nothing but state he called a bore a he said was something much stronger than that he thought the beautiful young of who was quite the and woman in england who was with who had started all sorts of things for the advancement of women who ran a bonnet shop and a needle work and set fashions in tea gowns novels and poems in fact did everything he thought she was a and said so what could you do with such a man i remember one night we were going to a very smart dinner party it was the first time i had met at dinner and i was awfully elated about it and i came into philip s room dressed in a lovely white satin frock with my beautifully arranged in my hair and all my diamonds on he said he didn t think i looked very nice and that my made me look top heavy i was vexed it was the first time that i had ever been vexed with him he said my head looked top heavy because i had my on i said my dear philip you are talking nonsense i must wear my are going to be there no they re not he said it s only prince john of nobody minds him i really could have sat down and cried only that would have spoiled my complexion and made me look hideous for the rest of the night i don t like all your pretty hair crowded up with a self made that thing he said looking at me with his head on one side i should like to see you with a on i replied but it s no use my thinking of getting you a if you won t let me pay proper respect | 30 |
to the royal family to my disgust philip sat down and the he said ho ho ho the are you going to get it for me by jove you are an ambitious little soul do you think my leg would look well with a on it i don t have you got a fancy that i should wear a broad blue ribbon when i go out of an evening with you and a star perhaps bless the child i don t think you ll get me a little woman no i don t think i d aim at it there are plenty of pretty women ready to hang themselves round with jewels like a there are plenty of going and the that go into parliament or take an interest in politics those are the that get and why don t you take an interest in politics me he said bless your heart just think of me if those got me on my legs in the upper house why they d turn me inside out in about five minutes i ve been once or twice you know i have on occasion when it was necessary that my vote should do something or other i ve always done my duty by my side yes oh yes you know to the but that s all then let them think you re going to turn radical i said in a hurry if they think you re likely to a self made turn radical and then they might give you a to keep you quiet don t you believe it little woman don t you go for to believe it there won t be any coming to house my child not in our day i made up my mind that i would get philip a or die for it it was after that just at the end of the season that philip came and told me something i say he said one morning when i came in from driving come into my study i want to tell you something i followed him into the study and sat down in the big chair which was standing at one end of the table it was a nice little room well really it was large only being one of the house apartments we called it small in comparison with the others it was all furnished in carved black wood there was a rich red carpet on the floor rich red velvet curtains at the windows the walls were red too and covered with sporting sketches with all philip s special pictures and things that he had acquired at and afterwards in the army worth nothing and utterly out of place in a house like ours well i said my glove well what is it dear boy it s the plague and the short of it is this we are spending too much money oh we are not much too much but a bit too much now the question is can you be happy on less if i must i must i replied well i don t know the fact is i ve had an offer a self made for the irish property that s not that belongs to me you have never gone to ireland yet shall i sell it or shall i not r just as you like well it s like this if i sell it it will just about square us mind i don t say that all our over spending is due to you i mean to us due to our being married and having to keep up and so on because i m afraid a good deal of it happened before i ever saw you but philip you always seemed to have such simple tastes oh i never spent anything on myself i never wanted to the places had to be kept up of course of course they had but the money went in other ways my sisters had to be married and provided for i don t mean their i mean their and you see a good deal was spent now if i sell the irish property that will square us and we need not trouble about the rest because you and i are not likely to spend much more than we have spent since we were married then i think you d better sell the irish property philip because we have never wanted to go there so we shall never miss it and if you think i ve been spending too much dear boy you have only to speak not at all not the least in the world it s only that i m a business sort of a chap myself and i don t believe in going on making bad worse i d rather pull up now at once and since we can arrange it so easily there s no need to pull up then i ll do it a self made i ll take the offer and we ll try and get on without any property in ireland at all philip never said another word to me about it but i thought a good deal on the subject during the next few days of course i had come to him with but little money and from a small house and yet i could not help seeing what a bad his mother must have been when she was in power as the head of his true she had married her daughters well but she had married them at a cost caring little or nothing for the time to come when her son would marry and have a wife and family of his own perhaps that was why she was so anxious that he should marry the american perhaps that was why she had so strongly objected to me as her son s wife it was a case of wheels within wheels but the knowledge made me only | 30 |
i felt a little insulted i could not do it no i you couldn t i good works will stand you in better stead but lady s is the easier and pleasanter way it might be so i was not in a position to contradict philip came into my room just as i was finishing my toilet well what do you think of her he asked a gay little soul ain t she by jove she was a little devil and no mistake about it when she was young isn t she young now philip oh yes my dear yes i mean when she was a child there were no that that little beggar wasn t up to of course was always the s favourite s very different a much more stately personage i think lady is yes she is he said with a laugh that s ex a self made what she is everybody says so and thinks there is not such a human being in the world you wait a bit you ve only seen the beginning of it just wait until dinner is over see her carry on then you are fond of her philip you ve always told me so fm awfully fond of her oh yes but she s a and no mistake about it then we went downstairs my law at the other end of our gallery there you see i m dressed and all in good time i ve made a toilet too now tell me she said putting her arm through mine and gaily jumping a step at a time down the broad stairs what s your special line my special line for the moment is dinner bless me then you have got she broke off short and looked at me with her great soft eyes what were you going to say i asked i was going to say something very rude but i ll not say it that s the worst of being a rattle trap you say things you d better left i don t mind you can say it thank you very much my dear but i think not when i make a mistake i like to pull it back if i can i think your remark intensely sensible and to the point i m feeling as if dinner was the principal point of my whole earthly career by the way i don t quite understand who s the tall good looking young man paul i heard you call him oh that s my sister s paul tt ic it tt a self made i see been engaged a long time haven t they got no money well he s doing very well they re going to be married very soon now oh is he very devoted yes i think he is then i d better not with him i like to know because what people choose to call what i call making myself civil is my habit with men it s necessary when your husband is governor general of a place it stops people saying dreadful things about your husband they them all on you you know i was a very good wife to in that respect but i m really awfully good about it i never spoil sport i never interfere with other women s game i think it s mean never said philip who was just behind us she laughed and a little i have done such a thing philip but only under great provocation you know that as well as i do you must know she went on as we crossed the hall that i was always by my family in this respect one s family is so hard on one don t you think i don t know i always get on very well with mine with all of them with most of them ah you have a i m almost all mamma you ve not seen her yet have you you ll understand better when you do mamma of me poor dear she was so astounded a self made when proposed to me that she nearly had a fit on the spot she was laboriously trying to bring off an excellent marriage in quite a different direction with quite a different sort of person when proposed to me and i accepted him and referred him to mamma oh i assure you the effect upon mamma was and it was a case of the ugly over again then dear old always mamma s favourite was a very girl she married in her first season and everything fell out just as had been planned for her that night when we were going up to bed my law put her arm through mine as we went side by side up the great staircase may i come and see your bedroom she asked i am so curious to see whether you have put your impress upon the house or not i see you ve made great alterations downstairs and compared with mamma s your taste is absolutely frivolous i wonder what she would say to having a great group of plants just at this point they look so nice i said yes my dear they look nice but mamma would have called it a waste of time and energy and utterly ridiculous perhaps it s just as well she s not on friendly terms with me i said lady turned and looked at me perhaps it is just as well she said in her direct voice yes for you i don t think somehow you little soft china doll that you and mamma would ever get on you re not her style of girl at all i suppose you use the big blue room for your own a self made oh no i don t i replied philip suggested it but i don t like it it s | 30 |
gloomy and if he runs up to town i m frightened to sleep alone in it no i ve got a room that looks south the pink room lady in the pink room oh funny mamma would certainly have fits if she were here ever so many of them oh she added as we entered the room you have made it pretty but very frivolous my dear awfully frivolous i like a frivolous bedroom myself but then i have an extremely frivolous nature as mamma always told me i don t think i was very frivolous to choose do you no he doesn t seem frivolous at all he s not but at the same time he s thoroughly of me he likes me to he likes me to have a good time and enjoy myself he says what s the use of being lady if i can t do as i please her words settled down upon me with a sort of chill a wild regret came over my mind as i stood in my pretty dainty pink and white bedroom seeing my own pretty figure dainty complexion and striking hair reflected in half a dozen long that i had not been born in the purple of course i was well born my birth was good enough but though i was lady the wife of the twenty third earl i could not do as i liked there was a sting in it and the sting went home here was this plain somewhat young woman with nothing but her sharp tongue and her eyes to single her out from any ordinary young woman in england and she was able to a self made sail on her way utterly regardless of the feelings of anybody so long as she pleased her dignified lord nothing else mattered she was lady and she had been born lady there was just the difference between us of the one having been born to her position and the other not the difference that she was there and i had yet to get there she could enjoy herself as lady while i had to work for my living and justify my husband s selection of me as his wife chapter xxx the of good works one of the greatest blessings in the world the social world is the feeling of being used to it the home coming of lady did me a great deal of good from the very first moment she was determined to be on the most friendly even intimate terms with me and as she was an extremely popular woman and in the very set i naturally gained a good deal by being seen about with her and being known as her sister in law and intimate friend late during that autumn we went to stay at their place in scotland it was rather late for such a visit as lady herself very truly said but the time of year made no difference she had the true hostess s instinct and stairs castle was filled literally from roof to cellar with such a smart set of people i used to sit at one of the round tables which were dotted all over the great hall and wish wildly that i had been born with a little of s power even if i had had to make weight by the loss of a little of my good looks i would have given anything to be able to talk to conversation as it were to say something which without seeming to have any value about it would set the ring of eight or ten people gathered round each table in a roar of laughter my sister in law possessed the power i a self made in an extraordinary degree i suppose that was where her great came in for my part i felt out of it all i felt as if i was an intruder an a nobody now philip never seemed to feel anything of that kind he d come lounging into the huge hall when afternoon tea was going on and sit down by the most beautiful woman in england with a what have you been after to day i used at first to look up thinking that such a speech would be resented but it never was you see he was one of themselves perhaps that made a difference of course everybody was always extremely nice to me a good many people said hope you ll come and stay with us later hope we shall see you in town next season do come and call on me always at home about five and one or two my sympathies for some pet charity scheme that they happened to have on hand i suppose i ought to have made an effort and tried to work up interest in the great southern hospital for children but somehow i felt so small so so well so that i never liked to the subject i had been at stairs castle more than a week before anybody mentioned the great success i had already had in that direction then quite suddenly one afternoon when we were all busily walking round the huge fire in the hall a very stately dame remembered that i had once done something for charity she was on the merits of a of which she was president for the advancement of education among street flower you know my dear she said we really are a self made doing a wonderful work i don t know that one their education poor very much they re mostly too old and too ignorant to learn reading and writing but we have succeeded in doing away in a great measure with those dreadful hats and that they are so devoted to and we give them a good tea once a week and show them how to do up their clothes and make the best of | 30 |
themselves and we hear all their troubles and when any of them get married we help them towards a oh yes it takes a great deal of money and time and energy but somebody must do these things somebody must help the poor creatures who have never had a chance of themselves in any way by giving them high heels put in lady there was a general laugh at this you are so witty remarked the stately lady lord always says that you are the woman in england i wish i was witty alas i am only good there was another burst of laughter at her assertion for it was well known that lady s goodness ran contrary to the ordinarily accepted rules which apply to charity lady s goodness began away from home and remained away from home and everybody knew it it s awfully hard she went on in her well bred artificial voice that poor women have got to do something or other no matter what class they belong to i am quite given over to good works i don t know where i should be if i wasn t now there s a self made lady where would she be without her painting and her picture gowns why she d be one of the women that ever lived lady put in philip i don t know another woman that s quite as smart all round as lady take away her pictures and take away her picture gowns and you have lady s tongue and lady s wit and they re both very good of their kind yes she s a gifted woman admitted lady in a tone but to return to our and our flower i must get up something that will make money because the club is in and one can t forever be going round making among one s friends it confidence oh i ve found that nothing confidence more than to be continually people for money offer it to them in the form of an entertainment and they rise to the bait it s a gilded and they swallow it without that it is a i think i shall do this time what do you think my dear she asked directly addressing my sister in law yes i ll play for you if you like be sure you get to stage manage for you you ll be out of it if you don t unless some new light has arisen while i ve been in prison no i don t think any new light has arisen in that line there are one or two clever amateur that you ve not seen at least i should think not i ve seen nothing my dear and nobody i met a man the last time i was in town that i hadn t seen a self made for years he looked at me rather hard for a minute and said oh is it you why where have you been haven t seen you for ages been five years in prison i promptly replied oh i said you needn t look at my hair of course they cut that all off and they left it such a hideous length that no woman could possibly make it look decent so i bought a wig you see he believed me she wound up there was nothing particularly witty about it i might say i had a nose but i don t think anybody would laugh if i did i might suddenly have announced that i had got the or the but nobody would find it amusing at least i didn t think so but everybody laughed when lady said she d told a man that she had a wig as if she had uttered a worthy of being written in gold and framed in diamonds it was a way she had and i suppose after all although i didn t recognise it at first that wit was her way of working for her living the only thing is with regard to lady went on they cost such a lot to get up for instance you have to take a hall or a theatre i never was able to get one given to me yet only lady is ever able to manage that when she wants to get a theatre she a portrait of the manager s wife sometimes of the manager himself that always them i wish i could paint people s portraits it would be such a useful accomplishment i have a good mind she went on to take up would it do as well i rather doubt it seems rather a waste of time a self made remarked my sister in law taking up the manager would be so much easier if my house was big enough lady went on taking no notice of her hostess s frivolous interruption i would have it in my own but at the best i could not accommodate more than one hundred people not to sit down taking away the little drawing room for the stage that is my sister in law flashed a glance across to me why don t you ask this person to lend you her drawing rooms she suggested she made fifteen hundred pounds at one fell a little while back i think i shall ask you to get up a sale of work or an entertainment of some sort for me tm awfully hard up i ve spent such a lot of money in clothes since i came out of prison and i ve not yet broken it to that i ve my allowance by at least three times its amount will you help a poor lame dog over a no certainly not i returned oh what would be the good of her helping you cried lady she d get no honour and glory out of sending round the hat for her own family | 30 |
quite au now if you were to lend me your drawing room as lady suggests i think lady you would have the solid satisfaction of feeling that you were really helping forward a good work yes have you not got something that helps children i asked i rather made up my mind didn t i philip that i would confine my efforts entirely to things in aid of children o a self made how sweet and kind of her said lady looking all round the group how awfully sweet of her but i only want you to lend me your rooms do you see oh then they re at your service certainly are they really oh thank you so much how awfully generous of you i am most grateful i am sure my will be perfectly when i tell them the joyful news because we have really been despairing these last few weeks money has gone out like water and the has been practically you would never believe my dear she said in a confidential tone and dropping her voice several degrees you would never believe what a lot of money it takes to run a show for flower girls i don t believe that it does them a bit of good i don t really they enjoy themselves they love their club they have a regular good feed now and again and sometimes we get them up and little which they perfectly in and then we each persuade our maids to go down and put them in the way of a little and things of that kind oh i think we are helping to them yes i really do don t you think i ventured to remark that it would be very much better if you kept your efforts for some channel where you were certain that you were real suffering now with children who are ill and crippled and afflicted generally children who have poor homes with no comfort even for those that are well there would be more satisfaction in helping them don t you think a self made no my dear i don t think so a bit i to half a dozen children s and give the tickets to my s wife children are oh believe me they are if you want to do yourself any good you must take up something new now those happy evenings you know for children that was a very good idea one s done to death with and off people s scotch estates and all that kind of thing irish lace and all the rest of it when the flower girl s idea was new you ve no conception you d never believe how it took at first but why did you want it to take lady i asked i said it so innocently just as if i didn t know well my dear in these dreadful times it s not enough to be just our husbands wives one has to be something else as well if you want to count that is where i am so is that our town house is so small and lord says he really cannot afford to buy a big house in london at present he may later on if things go all right in south africa he has two or three friends out there who put him on to tips now and again and if he makes a pile as he hopes to do within the next two or three months then i think the result will be a better town house until then i must be contented oh our position is a good one there s no doubt about that but the house is so small so cramped now if i had your house she went on dropping her voice still lower if house was mine i would make it pay me a thousand per cent but how a self made oh it gives you such chances such opportunities there s not another house in london except perhaps the and some great houses that can touch it for size and for in entertaining i would not use it for that because entertaining costs such a lot but i would use it for good works believe me good works pay i heard a sweet sermon last sunday on the subject of faith and works the preacher put all his money on faith but i must say that i like to put mine on works by preference you see you ve got such a pull with a house like yours you ve got such a picture gallery such a collection of china such a collection of and you ve got some of the finest old furniture in the world why if i were you she went on i would open my house every day to the public at a shilling a head you d make an income my dear you d make an income but i think my husband would i don t know what he would think i exclaimed to turn one s house into a museum and admit the public for a fee oh lady you don t mean it i do mean it indeed she said i should do it for a charity of course why with a house like yours you could run a hospital if you chose to work it properly chapter edged tools a blow is doubly a blow when it comes from one s own people the more i thought over the circumstances of my life and the more i saw of my sister in law lady the more i became my efforts to make myself somebody of importance in the great world into which i had entered by marriage seemed so futile and so i my brains to think what i could do in order to make a mark i went in for making myself popular i was always nice and sweet and | 30 |
obliging to everybody i never passed anyone that i had known without stopping to say a few pleasant words even though i did not choose to include them in my visiting list i was careful never to give myself any airs i always said yes when it was possible to do so to the many that were made to me to help grind other people s during that winter i gave lots of little parties i lent the house to mother for s wedding and she got twice as many presents in consequence and i lent it at least a dozen times for various charitable purposes it was rather expensive work the house because you see i had begun by giving tea a lavish tea and having begun it i could scarcely afterwards make a different arrangement i had several of work for the great southern hospital a self made for children and with that committee at all events lady was indeed a of course we weren t in town during the whole winter and once or twice i lent the house when i was down at or by the time we were settled in town for the season again i was as full of business as if i were running a shop or a great s establishment every hour of my day seemed to be out with some special engagement and let me tell you they were not engagements of pleasure far from it indeed i scarcely seemed able ever to find time to amuse myself excepting in the evenings and that after all becomes a terrible in time come and drive with me this morning said philip to me one day when we were at breakfast oh i can t to day philip i m full up full up what with well i ve got to attend a special committee meeting of the street flower at eleven it s most important oh they will do just as well without you he said rather i knew in my heart that they would do just as well without me but as the of was going to i didn t see the good of myself for the sake of a little gratification well i they would do as well without philip i said rather meekly but i promised i would be there and i want to have a say in the arrangements what arrangements i a self made it s to arrange about receiving the princess she s coming to tea with the girls which princess he asked i told him which princess she was a very important one but it is not necessary to mention her name more particularly philip said he thought they would be able to arrange the little details quite as well without me oh i must go i promised that i would i reminded him but philip was not to be put off like this well drive with me this afternoon he said resting his elbows on the table and looking at me with eyes i can t this afternoon dear boy i m awfully busy to day awfully busy doing nothing was his remark no i m not doing nothing i m working very hard it s all very well he said i don t believe in all this working very hard i married you to have a wife i didn t marry you to have a sort of social going here and there and doing the to half the harry in the oh philip i m not that i m sure i m getting on beautifully on i don t understand your notions at all getting on what good does it do to be mixed up with street flower and newspaper boys what good does it do you to have the of st james and st george and about among a self made the east end where they don t want you give em a my dear i don t grudge that but there can t be any occasion for you to go doing servant s work cutting of cake into for a lot of little who would the cake just as well if it was cut by the why don t you send some of your people down to cut cake and pour out tea and that sort of thing they d like it it wouldn t do dear i said trying not to feel vexed all the women do it and i must do what the others do oh sort of fashion for getting into heaven why my poor innocent little soul don t you that it s the trying to swim with the iron pot i did it too well i don t quite know what you mean philip i said for i wasn t going to own that his last shot had gone home no i don t suppose you do know what i mean it s all very well for lady to take up her street flower girls and her children generally you don t seem to you poor little white dove that she does it for a purpose i was doing it for a purpose too but it didn t suit me to explain as much to philip lady has got an axe to grind she s got her reputation to think of all these all this work it s but so much and after all what s the for social it s meant to cover something that they can t show but you don t mean to say philip that lady a self made don t i h m if you knew as much about lady as i do dear child you would see yourself on the other side of the world before you mixed yourself up with any of her and rubbish i hate to tell you this because i hate to your i know you re doing it all with a | 30 |
good motive i know you want to live up to your position and do the right thing as every woman of social importance should do but i don t like your being mixed up with all this lot smart did you say yes i suppose they are smart if it s smart to be wicked and to cover up your wickedness with a plaster of piety and good works then she s very smart that same lady my very heart seemed to sink into my boots i had never thought that there was an in lady s efforts to the condition of street flower girls and street i only thought that she like me wanted to justify herself and show that she was of some use in the world other than being rich and handsome if you go on and toiling over those that are perfectly happy in the philip continued do you know what the result will be v i don t philip well it will be just this every day you get more and more absorbed more and more taken up your time more and more filled and every day you see less of me you show less with me you are seen less with me and then after a bit they will say can t you guess what they ll say not that you and i are apart a self made they ll say something much worse than that my child they ll say that i made a mistake when i married you that you only married me because i happened to be the earl of they will say that you ve got a lover in the background they ll say well i ll not insult you by telling you what they ll say it s all very well philip went on thinking that you are doing great things in the charity way it s sweet and good of you to want to bring sunshine to others but you know it s not quite fair if you take all the sunshine from me to spread it among those who are nothing to you oh philip i put my hand out with a despairing gesture i felt all the blood in my body rushing back to my heart philip caught at my hand and held it fast nothing is ever coming really between you and me he said looking straight at me if any other fellow did i d kill him then you and then myself philip you know there s not there could never be there never has been hasn t there why that s news what about i positively gasped in my amazement and sat speechless staring at him there was a chap called wasn t there before me before you who told you anything about it well i had it on pretty good authority philip who told you well if you must have it it was your sister a self made no t other one told you that i had been engaged to something of the kind then philip she told you what she knew was a lie ask my mother was nothing to me but a pleasant partner an amusing friend up to a certain point did you imagine that i threw him over for you oh he was never in a position to be thrown over what you were never engaged to him never it s true i would not have told you only i must now that he asked me more than once to marry him i didn t like him well enough he was young he was looking yes very good looking he was very well off nobody would have said anything if i had chosen to take him but i didn t choose i didn t like him well enough to marry him i suppose told you that i with him that i with his feelings told me a good deal certainly she gave me to understand that you had him over for me i edged my chair a little nearer to philip s i don t know what s taken possession of she s so curious such a strange woman she had a great fancy for herself and she was very angry with me when i refused him but that was before i ever saw you not really oh yes you didn t think philip i went on in an anxious tone you didn t think that i was in tt a self made love with him and that i deliberately threw him over to marry you because you were lord his eyes drooped before mine i knew then that had let her imagination and her tongue get the better of her wisdom when did she tell you that oh the other day only the other day well he said looking uncomfortable and flushing a little under my gaze she s hinted at it several times you know since we ve not been about so much together and of course i often see about whenever he meets me he at me as if i had stolen something from him i rose from my chair and so did philip i looked up at him in positive horror philip i said have you been thinking that i was going to meetings and dry and my heart out for various just as a cloak to cover my intercourse with another man have you been thinking that i don t know that i actually went so far as to think that but something like it he said something like it and you had it on good authority from my own sister oh philip i m ashamed to think that my sister and i have the same blood in our veins there s not a word of truth in it it s the most he that one woman ever told about another i m ashamed to think that she and | 30 |
i are sisters i assure you philip i ve not enjoyed all this work that i ve gone in for i ve done it from a sense of duty my greatest treats have been when i ve been able to go some a self made where with you i will go this morning to the meeting because i promised but i ll give it all up i m not cut out for that kind of thing fm not clever like some women ive made a failure of it i was ambitious i only meant to justify your choice to the world if you ll drive me down to the club where the meeting is to be held til the whole show i ll give it up well i w sh you would he said putting his arm round me and holding me very close to him i don t think it s fit work for a mere girl such as you are i don t like your doing it i don t mind your your house whenever you like or for whatever purpose you like but as i said just now i hate your doing s duties for lady and all her kind let em do their own dirty work let em write their own letters and hold their own meetings and about among the trying to their you are my wife you have no need to be more than that look at now she s contented with her position as s wife she s never straining after or anything of that kind why should you do it nobody thinks any the better of you who would think the better of me if i was to put on a white and go and preach down the east end not a soul they d only say that i was off my nut by jove i should be if i went in for that kind of thing i could understand your going on to ball or even taking part in a big or something of that kind where you d have a show for it but to ink yourself into being a creature of lady s a self made why damn it all it s too much it s too thick altogether i it was the very first time that philip had ever sworn in my presence and he was so deadly in earnest that he never even noticed that the word had slipped out i put my arms up and drew his head down to mine i m so sorry to have vexed you philip i said i would not have done it for the world if i had known what i was doing and seen where i was drifting just bear with me a few days until i have had time to cut the threads that i have woven about myself then i ll take care that never again as long as i live will i run the risk of letting any of mine come m between you and me chapter nervous english a little plain speaking is at times an excellent thing i said nothing more to philip about my sister he drove me down to the girls club room in time for my committee meeting and he patiently waited about the until i came out again which i did as soon as i had told them that the state of my health demanded that i should resign my position on the committee i must say they were all very nice about it the of who was in the chair and who was certainly quite the woman with wh m i had ever come in contact promptly gave it as her opinion that i had worked like a slave in the good cause and that my resignation should be reluctantly accepted after the great day on which the royal lady was to take tea with the poor flower girls you have done so much lady she said that positively you cannot back out of it so far as an appearance goes until after the princess s tea party has come off of course health cannot be ignored positively if i worked as you have worked i should be in my grave i positively should be i am convinced of it i think ladies if you will allow me to make a suggestion we will invite lady to continue her connection with this excellent in the capacity of vice president that will retain her a self made and not cause her health to suffer any further and if you are inclined to to that idea i will ask you to join with me in passing a vote of our warmest and most earnest thanks to lady for her kindness for her substantial help for her excellent working qualities and for her encouragement ladies i put the motion to the vote i believe it was not quite regular i have an idea that a committee of men would have laughed at the s words but to me they were very gratifying i was still with the shock of discovering that my own sister had tried to betray me to my husband i was still filled with fury to think that my own sister should have been so as to point out an old admirer to my husband as my lover if i looked as i felt i must have presented but a sorry spectacle to all the ladies seated around that committee table you are very kind i said when they had one and all applauded the idea of my being made a vice president of the i am not feeling very well today in fact i feel quite ill and if you will excuse me now i will ask you to let me go i thank you all so much i made a gesture with my two hands to include the entire company and with something | 30 |
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