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I’m not ready to let you go, Penny Doe
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2
These moments just aren’t the same
These moments are different, they’re just not the same. You’re my first thought in the morning, but the moment is empty without us reaching for each other. Occluded pathways to communicate, electronically preventing connection, outstretches arms and calling your name… no delivery, no response. Searching for you, leaving breadcrumbs as I travel. I’ll find my way back home, maybe you’ll be there when I make it. Frantic voices of silence fill my ears, eyes darting from reality to dread. Will you find your way home too? Perfection one moment to heart break the next. Will I hold you hand again? Those blue blue eyes. Good morning gorgeous, the words I cannot write, the words on my lips as I reach to find you, but fail to seek in the right places. So here I am, again and again, just wanting you to know. You are the world, so one day when you’re tired from running, when things feel a little safer…. Will you follow the breadcrumbs home?
2
I’ve lost my Penny
I’m leaving this here, just for you to see. Maybe one day you go looking, looking for me. Just as I’ll be searching, searching for you. Maybe one day things will be different, different to now, but the same as before. Maybe one day our purpose will be more than this. Some day, maybe one day, you’ll come visit me again. Maybe. Maybe, maybe one day you’ll be curious and curious about me. Maybe some day you’ll read this, and know Im still thinking of you. Some day, maybe one day, you’ll read this and you’ll reach out your hand, some day. Maybe you’ll find I’ve been reaching too, that though my arm is tired, it’s still outstretched for you. If some day, maybe one day you read this, know you’re still welcome here. Call me, message me, voice note me or find me, and maybe one day we can find each other again.
5
.
I am an addict. My addiction lies within my abuse of emotion. I abuse my sadness, I use it as a drug. When I am bored I default to being sad. I feel empty when I do not distract myself. I believe I am a tortured soul but by choice partially. I value myself as a free thinker, not in a woke sense but in an artistic form of thought. When I look outside I see the beauty of the world, but I am also disgusted by the hideous form nature takes. A vulture stalks the weak dying animal not because it is easy but because the vulture takes pleasure in seeing the life of a creature seep out. I think I am insane or that my brain is damaged, or maybe I have an artistic expression of sadness.
4
Too dead to die
Agh fok this shit there's been alot going in mind
2
Just a rant
I'm in bed thinking to my self about everything I dont get it I'm sad I feel unhappy I feel alone falling into the dark yet I can't cry no matter how much I suffer with my thoughts I can't cry and and I'm scared Im alone and I can't call for help from anyone cus why should I bother people with my problems when my problems mean nothing I don't know what to do.sorry if it doesn't make sense
1
just wanna post this random thing
Man's downfall is Man himself He does not know yet of what is to come For when the day arrives for he shall know His body will cease to exist His mind and soul will see to it He can't be prepared for what he does not expect "Expect the unexpected" They say But Man is blind as always Until one day he is not And his soul will finally regret The crimes his body committed And that is when Man himself falls Into the dark abyss Hope i feel better😔
1
I miss my grandma
I’m in my bed in the darkness thinking about how I could’ve been a better grandson to my grandma who lived in Afghanistan. I really miss her and I’ve just started crying which isn’t normal for me. I wish I could speak to her one last time. I genuinely miss her and how kind she was. I hope I will meet her in heaven I really regret not speaking more of her. I hope you guys cherish your time with loved ones as you many not have long with them. Don’t be like me and speak often to family you can’t see or be with. I’m sorry grandma and I dearly miss you ❤️. Inshallah I meet you
3
Stressed
I just need to vent. I recently graduated college a semester early. I had a great job lined up that allowed me to stay on campus and still live with my friends for my last semester of senior year. However the job screwed me and cut my salary in half and i was forced to accept a job back home away from all of my friends. I recently started this new job and I absolutely hate it. I hate being there and when i come home im all alone. All i can think about is how im supposed to be up there with them, i miss it so much and i dont want to be away from it. I was forced to rush into a decision with this job because i needed money and now i am miserable, like i said i come home every night and just sit on the couch by myself, just thinking about being back on campus. Im having such a hard time moving on from it because i wasnt emotionally prepared to leave and now im stuck at a job that i dont enjoy at all and i dont know what to do. I feel very stuck and defeated and all i want is to be back with my friends or to at least have a way to move on. I realize i cherish these memories but having to make a decision to leave within 24 hours was awful, and i am paying the price for it.
7
What a sad day! 😭
[https://www.instagram.com/reel/CnEKRQZj2O2/](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CnEKRQZj2O2/)
1
somethings wrong
i have about 5 close friend's that we go out in weekends but i dont think any of them as a bestfriend ; but i know alot of people from work and university and broke off with my gf about 3 or 4 month's ago and i kinda feel so fucking lonely; i talk to alot of people about alot of thing's but i feel like i haven't talk talk to anybody in ages you know?! I wanted to open up to people i thaght i can trust but it appears world wont give a shit about men's feeling's So... do you ever had this situation or not?
1
Only best friends understand this video... 🥹🫂
I wish I could be like this more to my friends
2
Impermanence
I have recently taken a course on **ancient Egyptian civilization** called ***Egypt before and after Pharaohs***, and researching about the details of the historical period is an interest of mine *(5500-650 BC)*. However, seeing how the periods follow one another, all for the struggle for power, I cannot help but think what the point of all this is. For **ancient Egyptians**, it was probably upholding **Maat**, *harmony and order of the cosmos*. But what is the overall point of existence? It is all an impermanent struggle. *The pyramids that represent solidity, stability and permanence emphasize even more the fleetingness of everything surrounding them*. What can we hold on to amidst this fleetingness? Can study of Ancient Egypt fill this void? *Even if I study and master knowledge of Ancient Egyptian civilization, my memory will start failing me soon and I will forget some of the things I have learnt. Even if I try to transmit the knowledge, others will only retain it for a finite period of time*. I can't help but think *everything is empty, impermanent, suffering and meaningless*.
3
Sad
Hello people of Reddit I wanted to talk about some of my feelings so let’s start.8th grade was my rock I had friends people talked to me I was so happy and I thought when I get to high school it’s gonna be even better but I was wrong 9th grade is filled with a bunch of mean people that are ugly which is crazy to me because how are you ugly and still talking.But the thing is it’s the words that come out of there mouths that just make me feel so small and sad and angry because there just words that should have no meaning but they do they do have meaning and some of that is the truth.
3
I cannot take it anymore
The day before yesterday my father got accused of cheating on my mother, they are married for over 25 years and I was born 14 years late so I am just 14 years old and i cannot take it anymore most of the time i spend my time infront of this computer or sitting alone in some place I am going through ADHD, Anxiety and Deppression but they dont think those things are serious things and just say that its because im lazy or fat I am working out to lose weight but its working very slowly in school i dont do too good but i try but my trying is leading me to faliure and i cannot take it anymore, I am mentally going insane and am getting constant intrusive thoughts whenever i look at myself in the mirror which i hate doing because i hate myself more than my life and i feel like a burden towards my family, I feel like giving up on life but I think I am way too of an asshole to be blessed with the gift of death.
3
sometimes when you work on something so hard on it will just be ruined by your "friends"
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AM I THE ONLY ONE ?
Am i the only one who wasn't asleep on Christmas Eve ? I was staying positive even though i'm the only one awake Damn the Christmas energy is now gone 😕
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✨prayers✨
i need prayers desperately. my heart hurts way too much…💔
3
sadness
I am such a sorrowed person. Nobody in my life would know. I cry myself to sleep even while in bed with my partner. My highs last .2 seconds but my lows last through out most days. I just want to cry to my mom and hug her tightly. I know she carry’s a sad heart too. How can no one see through me? My mind is empty but full at the same time. I hope my sadness doesn’t overcome me:(
2
I miss my cat so much
My cat is 2 years old now and I have barley have gotten to see anything I don't hear anything about him my friends have him and rarely visit them because they don't text often but since one of my family members are allergic to cats we can't get him back. Benny is his name I love Benny so much I can barley cope with anything I just want him back don't know this is normal to miss a cat this much but I just need to say this and nobody can laugh at me or atleast I won't know because its over a screen thanks for reading.
2
it sucks when you have 0 power to do anything and see your family members struggling to survive as a child 🥲
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5
......
Estuve pensando ultimamente, descubri que el colegio, salir con mis amigos, hacer deporte, escuchar musica y básicamente todo lo que hago, son una distracción para no detenerme a pensar en lo triste y deprimido que me siento, incluso sonrio cuando no quiero sonreir, me rio cuando nadie lo hace, porque ya no se que siento en que momentos, cuando estoy contigo tengo una mezcla de cosas que ya no se que hacer, me siento feliz por tener a alguien que por fin me trata como siempre soñe, que me trata con cariño y me hace sentir querido y comprendido, pero por otra parte, me da miedo que me conozcas, que conozcas todas facetas, incluso las que ni siquiera yo quiero ver, además de todas las voces que escucho constantemente, como escucho varias personas en mi, aunque se que no existen que son solo mi imaginación, no puedo evitar saber que tienen razón, siempre la gente que se me acerca mucho termina mal. Por eso no dejo que la gente me conozca, oculto lo que siento, mi tristeza, mi ira, mis molestias, mi ansiedad, mi multipolaridad, todo para que la gente que quiero no salga lastimada, y aun asi terminan lastimados, ya no se que hacer, me es dificil estar solo, me hundo en mis pensamientos y entonces ellos se apoderan de mi, ya no controlo mis emociones, mis acciones, mis tonos, mis pemsamientos, nada, absolutamente nada, todo se vuelve negro, ya no siento, es como flotar, cuando vuelvo me siento desesperado por compañia, no quiero seguir solo como ahora, por eso pasan estas cosas, la soledad me hace mal, pero tampoco me gusta estar con gente, porque incomodo, soy una molestia, lo se, no soy una persona entrañable, si desaparezco, la gente no me extrañara, excepto tú, ni siquiera mi mama, ya que soy el origen de todos sus problemas actuales, desde mi nacimiento hasta hoy, el solo nacer arruino todo su futuro y el de varias personas que contaban con ella, me desvio, la mayoria de esto era para decirte lo mucho que te quiero, cada palabra de esto, pero espero que no lo veas, solo quiero que sepas que eres lo más importante para mi, por ti volvi a sonreir tras haber intentado matarme tres veces en en menos de dos semanas, despues de verte sonreir ya no podia pensar en otra cosa, me devolviste el control en mi, gracias a ti volvi a ser yo, en ese momento no eras consciente esto y tampoco ahora, estuve mucho tiempo mirandote de lejos, admirandote sonreir, reir, bailar, comer, ser feliz con tus amigas, algo que yo no hice por gran parte de mi vida  por que lo que hacia no era realmente reir y sonreir, simplemente les seguia el juego y me servia para ocultar toda la tristeza, una mascara que me sirvio por años, una vez rota, ya no pude hacer nada, la gente se empezo a dar cuenta y como por arte de magia y pura casualidad, te vi, con el tiempo por fin me di el valor de acercarme, me motive a mi mismo a ser mejor, algo que nunca habia hecho, me sentia bien queriendote, hoy en dia puedo decir con orgullo que soy tu pareja, porque pude conocerte mejor las facetas alegres y que todos ven, y aquellas que nadie ve, no puedo evitar sentirme culpable por lo que te pasa, siento que hasta cierto punto es culpa mia que te sientas desecha, exhausta, cansada de todo, sin energía ni para sonreir. No se como ayudar, es frustrante ver como tu luz se apaga lentamente, mientras yo paso desapercibido, tu iluminas a las personas, te buscan de todas partes, te extrañan, pero aun asi te sientes sola, me has dicho que los momentos que estamos juntos te sientes muy bien, no sabes cuanto me alegra conocerte incluso en tus malos momentos, pero no quiero que me conozcas como yo a ti, desaparecerás, lastimada, triste y desolada, igual que toda esa gente, pero estar contigo me ayuda a deshacerme de muchos de ellos, por eso no quiero perderte, quisiera estar junto a ti siempre para no volver a sentirme solo, ya que contigo y solo contigo la soledad se va, me siento acompañado, querido, amado, y se que si sigues conmigo eventualmente te consumiras, ya lo haces, y lo lamento tanto. Me has ayudado de mil formas sin saberlo, pero yo no puedo ayudarte, ni siquiera se si puedo, he cargado con un montón de cosas malas y deprimentes que yo mismo provoque, posiblemente te pase lo mismo pero no quiero que sufras lo mismo que yo, aunque me destruya, quiero ayudarte con tu carga, devolverte tu luz, en el fondo no se que pensaras, pero no importa que pase, siempre que lo necesites, incluso cuando no, estare ahi para ayudarte, acompañarte, amarte, supongo que siempre busque una persona como tú pero no se si tu buscaste una persona como yo. Con cariño, tu destrozado novio.
1
Silly little rant
Hello, I am currently in a crisis where I am living independently and as much as I do enjoy and love that it is forcing me to grow and be smarter with so many life choices, I can’t help but feel very depressed. I miss home. I miss my family. I miss my best friends back home. My roommate who became one of my closest friend is now leaving to move to South Korea for work. So now I feel alone. I am starting nursing school in three weeks and I wish and hope that’ll help me get distracted from the loneliness/sadness I’ve been feeling but right now it is weighing me down so much now that I am living alone. I tried to go to the gym but its so hard to get out of bed due to me crying or staring into the wall from pure sadness.
1
Lazy and alone
I fake going to school so I won’t disappoint my parents. It doesn’t take much effort to hide the reality because they trust me, and this is the only thing I’ve lied to them about. When I arrive on campus via bus, I stay there for hours so it would appear that I’m in my classes. The campus looks beautiful at night, especially in the winter with the snow on the fields. When I look around I see students with bags on their backs filled with books and notes, while mine is light as a feather, filled with nothing. I see students in groups talking and laughing while I’m alone, looking down at the ground staring at my shadow that has been split in two from the street lamps. I imagine I have someone walking beside me, that’s with me along the ride. I walk in circles around the campus, with a cold face listening to mellow music. Every lap I hope someone would notice me, but they never do. I know the world doesn’t revolve around me but I just keep hoping one would see through my facade. They never do. I know it’s me and only me that has put me in this situation and I know that I need to work hard. I feel like I know my problem and I know the solution, but for some reason I don’t do anything. Do I want to be sad? I’m just rambling and I’m not sure any of this makes sense. I just continue to type with my numb, cold hands. I post this anonymously just so I can hear what people think of my situation. I don’t ever want to show weakness but this is a way I can do it without anyone knowing who I am. If this gets no engagement, I won’t be surprised, I mean who the fuck wants to hear my sob story when everyone’s got one. I know I’ve got it much better than a lot of people. But I am just lost.
5
I can’t take it anymore
I’m a weak individual, physically and mentally. I can’t go to school and when I do, it’s too much, and I crumble. I don’t know what to do, it’s an endless cycle of sadness, ruining my sleep schedule, not making it to school, and then more sadness.
3
Want to end this life.
But it would hurt my mom so much. She’s the only one who cares about me. I have had so much pain my entire life. My father always beat me around for no reason mostly because he has always wanted a son. I have always been vulnerable and an easy victim of guys with agendas and got involved with wrong people and got raped. I dated again after 3 years and he eventually started to abuse me emotionally, torture me, cheated on me and let me suffer so much. I miss my mom so much. It saddens me how it will affect her if I end my life. I miss my mom. She’s the only person who never internationally hurt me. She’s never self centered. I love my mom. She’s my only reason to exist. She never judged me, even though I had been a jerk to her a lot and took her for granted. She is my confidant. She gave me her everything. She’s the only person that supported me through everything. I should stop pursuing romance and start cherishing her. I didn’t know how much sacrifice she made for me, now I do.
4
I made a mistake in my teenage years I'll never forgive myself for, it's grown in my mind and engulfed my world, I want to destroy my life deep down, on the surface I feel nothing.
My life is put together between ideas of destruction and tame ideas of doing well, grandiose grandeur. Peep show will always have my heart.
1
at this point just someone kill me
i feel like everyone hates me here, no one likes me, so I've had enough, and they'll get their dream of the life by making myself die, please someone shoot me put a bullet through my head, launch 34000 nukes at me, just do anything that could kill anyone, just murder me I'm sick and tired of shitty people hating on me, just kill me, please I beg of you just kill me.
4
My Amazonian princess
I met this girl at the bar. Got her number and i was playing it by the book. Then she told me if she's not worth the patience, then she doesn't wanna waste my time. So i liked her even more. We talk all week, finally see her, nervous as hell, she gives me Soo many chances cause I'm fuckin up. I come to realize this girl is living my life w the exception that she's a girl. I just fall for her, told my friends she's the one. Now i go through episodes of fear or anxiety bc i don't want to lose her. I look for every sign that she's pulling away or getting cold. I'm like a small puppy looking for signs of affection. & I hate it. I don't understand why I feel so sad. I just wanna leave it up to destiny or leave it in gods hands, whatever it may be, but my feelings won't let up. I'm worried constantly. I don't know what to do bc I'm acting different, i feel sad all the time. I know if she's the one, this will workout and if she's not, she'll be gone. I don't wanna feel like this anymore, sometimes i just wanna end our relationship bc i can't stand the idea of her waking up one day and deciding she doesn't want me anymore.
1
Square pegs
How to break this repetitive cycle of hurting myself? Investing my time, my effort, my emotions in people who have no interest in doing the same. The empty slot keeps looking at me, teasing me asking me to fill it. It's like an OCD, trying desperately to fit these square pegs in my trauma shaped round hole. I keep realising over and over again that it's me, and only me who can fill that void. But then the stories tell me of best friends, the songs sing me of soulmates. And it makes me think maybe, maybe this feeling could me mine too. And there I go again thinking, the next peg might turn out to be a round one.
1
Can i just sleep... forever?
I hate waking up to face this world again. I will walk like a robot, emotionless with empty eyes. My head hurts all day long because i need to function when i am broken. I just want to rest, i am tired, i have had enough. Please... ☹
5
My girlfriend
I know that nobody will probably see this ever but I would kill myself for her to just be happy for her life, to grow up with someone , to have a family I’m typing this on this Reddit man I literally I’m sat here crying. She means the world to me and if you ever see this, you know exactly who you are, I hate my fucking life and every single day I just want her to enjoy life , everyday my friends see me I am a happy teenager enjoying life going to parties , I’m considering just ending it all man
1
THE. LONE MAN - How to get along in a restless society
https://windywell.gumroad.com/l/the-lone-man Have you ever felt overwhelmed from the path our world is taking and you ask yourself how to react properly? Maybe you were in a peculiar situation with people, you haven't got the promotion despite of your effort, or you are standing all alone with your inner problems and desires? When this speaks to you, this is the right booklet to give you guidance in a world, which falls more and more apart. I have gone through many hardships in life and one of the most important things I acknowledge is to know how to deal with certain people, they may be good or evil. You will get an essential foundation of how to avoid many bad mistakes, circumstances, and traps other people might not know about. Table of contents I Family II Job III Friendships IV Loneliness V Society
3
Я скоро обірву своє життя, в кінці 11-го класу так як я дуже непотрібна людина, і це підтверджують слова мами, мої оцінки, та що у мене немає друзів… зараз я граю в ігри так як нічого більше не вмію, але я пробувала займатися різними заняттями які мені подобалося
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confusion
I’ve been having a rough time these past couple of days indentifying my emotions. Every time I think I’ve got a handle here comes another breakdown or anxiety attack. It’s tiring and holding me back from being my best self. I hardly recognize myself when I’m this way and it scares me.
1
I wish everything would stop
I wish it would stay dark forever. I wish the morning wouldn’t come. I wish I could lay in bed forever and never get out of it. I don’t want to do it anymore. I’m so tired of waking up.
1
Poem about wanting lies over pain
Days... turn the nights Through... Pearly whites Historys told Lay... on my side Books... on brights eyes It sold lies so She wisphers sweet songs So soft so comforting Just tell me and I'll believe you - my muse No, no one cares, weather you're right or wrong, or wronged, or gone. Because, look at me, you do not matter How cruel...
2
Some rant
I don’t think anyone cares about what I think about anything. I mean everyone is sad sometimes. So I guess everything will be all right. I will be happy later
2
A question
Have you ever been so broken that you can’t feel anything anymore?
3
pieces
i thought i’d create something for people that would help a lot. by meaning “alot” to put back the pieces in your life. whether you loose someone or something you love. from sadness and i promise you i know how it feels. if you loose sanity then you loose everything that goes with it. the pieces held to your mind’ remember to remember’ the pain wouldn’t end or the pain would never stray away. remember nobody can tell you why you are alive or why you wake up today or tomorrow. there’s so many questions in life that may never be answered and one answer i’ve learned is that life is strange. there’s so much we never figured out or ever moved into. i never let anyone know my age because people put a pin on age’ people say that if your “17-18” then you know that amount of knowledge which isn’t true. from who you are and from who is around you in your surroundings. no matter what you believe in either it be a god or someone you trust. no one will truly know who you are because they aren’t you’ and it’s the same with them. people would think that they was always alone to start with but in reality people think the same way as you do. everyone thats read this has battles they’re fighting nobody knows about. the person once people were before traumatic events took place they’re not there anymore. with that distance i pray you keep running and pray you get as far as you can. remember to stay positive and be you even if it’s cliche. because there’s no right or wrong way. from my perspective to love my love language all the above i crave affection but communication even if my heart broken and for even if i look into your eyes it gets ugly from time to time. from the way people love you and stay with you to the point your insane. affection from someone that you love the most when you have this genuine genuine feel that you make that person your source of happiness that person becomes your drug. i encourage you to love yourself before you show anyone love because if not in the end you may not have what you want. never act as if anything was never wrong it’ll only lead to more misery. this world is disgusting so create your own. much love to everyone🖤.
2
Posting here because I don't think my post appeared on another subreddit
Today is the lowest I have every felt. Except maybe for 1 or 2 other days in my life. Just need to get this out in the open. Things were sorta looking up (I'm in a bad situation) but today is very different than the previous days. Good luck to everyone trying to get out of their sad times.
2
Im so ashamed
Idk why, but Im pretty ashamed of myself. I have been like this pretty much forever. Im very much ashamed of the University I go to, my heart sinks in everytime someone asks hey can you send me your resume so I can help you. Like how shitty it actually is, like I feel so ashamed of it each time. I felt ashamed of the internship I did, I dont even want to tell my friends about that. How big of a loser I am. I dont know what do I do to get out of this.
2
Sadness or Whining?
Idk, i feel bad, a little bit sad, because i had problems. Is that depression simptoms? Nope. Depression is sickness, i had bad mood anytime, because... yeah, i had any life problems, but don't want to talk about it publicly.
1
Hey, I like you, but I'm sorry
I prolly won't tell you this, maybe its not right to tell you, but I like you. You are really a very cool girl to be around, Im glad to have met you and be your friend. I wish I could walk around with my arm around you, take you to starbucks, and have your fav java chip frappuccino. Your good morning texts make my day, I like it so much when you call me by my nickname I don't get to talk to you alot, but I wish I could. Im too big of a loser to be your boyfriend, Im sorry for that. I can't really do much to fix that, other than hope. Maybe Im not the one you dream off, but I wish you find them. I really wish I wasn't this big of a loser, maybe then I would have had a chance, but for now I can't, and Im sorry.
2
i wrote this drunk in my room at 2am
i i want to lose you but losing you means killing the one i love but so many things are wrong with that love but when my brain is saying let her go my heart says no she the one you know she’s the one you love she’s the one the fixed you when you were Beyond repair saved you from death and loved you so much but you yourself feel like you need to move on get your shit together stop depending upon drugs and alc to make you feel bc you can’t it hurts i don’t know what to do i need help i’m scared of being alone i hate myself please help me i left her a month ago and just found this, im trying that’s all i can say.
2
How I became emotionally unavailable.,
I was born the youngest in my family. The only boy of three older sisters. My parents, who did little to earn that title, were more interested in partying and cheating on each other. The day I was brought home from the hospital, a cold and snowy February night, my mother handed me with one hand to my oldest 11 year old sister and said, “Here, he needs to be changed, we’re going out drinking.” That should give you some idea of the priorities of my parents and the lack of bonding that ensued. My three older sisters on the other hand were overjoyed to have a baby brother. They were loving, attentive, kind and nurturing. I was most fortunate to be in that situation as opposed to being subjected to constant neglect and abandonment my my so called parents. As I grew into adulthood, my sisters did everything they could to ensure that I grew to be a loving and emotionally deep young man. I was proud of my capacity for love and felt that my sensitivities were my greatest strengths. I was extremely athletic and grew to be tall at 6 foot 4 and 225 lbs with a heavily muscled physical stature that spoke of a commanding presence. Once I started dating, however, I began to experience something of great frustration. First girls, then later, women would be attracted to me by my appearance, but once they discovered that I was a sensitive person with great emotional depth, they’d simply lose interest. Would it suffice to say, that my persona did not match my personality. It took me many years of rejection, being ghosted and just constantly kicked to the curb to finally develop some understanding of what was happening to me. I just kept hearing, in not so many words, but in some cases verbatim, that I’m just not what women want in a man. Up to that point, I’d had a pretty healthy self image. I felt strong, confident, loving and sensitive. I actually felt like I had plenty to offer a woman in a committed relationship. I will offer at this point, that regardless of how strong your self esteem is, if you have enough women reject you, and in so doing, tell you that your not at all the man they thought you were, or the man your “supposed to be”, it won’t be long before everything you once valued about yourself comes crashing down. I got to a point where I’d go years without dating. Somewhere along the line I sought the help of a licensed therapist. I was convinced that there had to be many things wrong with me. She constantly praised me for what I once regarded my “qualities” that I should never say die and never stop being the loving man that I am. Female friends would try to encourage me in the same manner. One day, a couple of my female friends were encouraging me to “not change” and something just clicked inside me. I began yelling, crying, totally losing control, saying “why would any man ever want to be like this!” “Do you have any idea what it feels like to be told your entire adult life that no woman wants a man like you!” “I wouldn’t wish this on any man!” “If I had a son I would do everything in my power to ensure that he was emotionally walled off and void of any deep sensitivity whatsoever!” “I am so sick and tired of all you women insisting that I “shouldn’t change” so that I can just keep getting rejected and abandoned, when we all know that you think it’s sweet, but would you consider having a relationship with me?” “Oh well, no, John’s just not my kind of guy.” I had listened to women complain about their male significant other’s and how frustrating it is to deal with how emotionally immature and unavailable they are. I had listened to it for years, because they stayed with these men for years and eventually married them, because they love them. It’s even deeply engrained in our culture with books, movies and TV shows about how the girl is magnetically attracted to the “bad guy” and how he cheats on her and breaks her heart. Then magically, he sees the horrible damage he has done and she wins him over and the bad guy gets the girl. I have had countless conversations with emotionally unavailable men who swear “John, I used to be exactly like you!” They’d go on to chronicle their experiences in relationships and how they always got dumped and ghosted etc. only to discover that she’s seeing someone else. It goes without saying that their life experiences in dating and relationships were eerily similar to mine. Once again, I’d hide from the world and avoid looking for any semblance of relationships with women. Time would pass, and I’d start to feel ok again, somehow convinced that I just haven’t met the right woman yet. So here I am at 57, and somehow along the way, it just kind of happened. I’m more emotionally walled off and shut down than I could’ve ever imagined. It’s not something I planned on, or ever wanted for myself. Perhaps it’s just the unintended consequence of the human condition. Truth is, for may years I regarded men who were emotionally unavailable with great disdain. I was angered by the way they emotionally tortured the women they were involved with. Perhaps it just bothered me so much because they had love in their lives and I didn’t? I’m not proud of ending up like this. Conversely, however, I wouldn’t go back to a life of rejection and abandonment, nor would I want any man to suffer through that. One thing I can assure you of, in terms of that sweet, kind sensitive guy that I once was, well he just kind of died, and that’s one funeral I won’t be going to, cause I don’t want to remember him anymore.
2
I wish
I wish he hadn't ghosted and moved. I passed by his old apartment today my lyft happened to go in that direction (nonstalkerish) I wish I could have jumped out of the car opened the door of the building, taken the elevator and he'd opened the door for me. "Hey I missed you
3
Guys, how do I cope with depression, cause I have bad thoughts lately
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do you ever feel sudden surge of sadness?
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9
Feel blue...
I've been thinking about dying for days, not about committing suicide... I'm not that brave. I just... I feel that if I don't wake up tomorrow there wouldn't be much of a problem.
4
Can s person be addicted to emotional pain?
Please explain why? [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/xz3dk1)
1
feeling really sad and anxious
TRIGGER WARNING FOR SOME PEOPLE???? IDK ☹️ this has a small mention of suicide and self harm!!! i’m really sorry!!!!!! long story short, my bitchass is a little bit suicidal and i don’t know what i did. to my ex to make him avoid talking to me so much, i miss being with him so much and i miss the cute and adorable lovey dovey nicknames we had for one another, no boy will EVER love or care about me as much as he did. i love him so much. he’s really cute, i love him. i just wish he’d text me back more and this whole ordeal is making me really anxious. (+, it’s also making me feel like i’m gonna throw up and my breathing starts to get a little limited. like, i start to not be able to breathe for a few seconds 🙁) that’s all apart of the anxiousness by the way! 🥲 i know i’m posting up here a lot, but i just can’t help it and i honestly have no one else to talk to. i used to talk to my ex since he legit always used to sit there and offer to talk to me whenever i was feeling down, but i don’t think he even wants to TALK to me anymore. so that’s fun! anyways, to start with this, i’m a little suicidal and i used to cut myself almost every single day, and i also used to overthink a lot. i still do overthink sometimes, but it’s not as much as i used to. i’m kinda starting to realize that my ex may never talk to me again and i’m just not okay with that, i’ll keep trying and trying, but i know that won’t help anything at all. he doesn’t even wanna put effort into our friendship, so what’s the point? what’s the point of doing anything anymore? all my motivation has BEEN gone and now i don’t even have the motivation to move around sometimes. he’s tried helping me over and over again, but i somehow just made everything worse. i was probably such a burden to him to the point where he’s most likely doing something and enjoying his life without me. i wanted to be apart of his life forever, he promised me he’d always love me. i don’t understand why he thinks this is for the best. i don’t get it, this isn’t for the best! why can’t he see that? will he ever realize he’s making a mistake with me? this isn’t for the best. it really isn’t and i don’t know how to change his mind. i just miss the cute nicknames we have for each other, i almost caught myself telling him i love him on Sunday through a voice message. i just wanna be with him again, he’s probably the only boy who will EVER want me for me. everyone else i’ve been with wanted my body, but he wanted so much more than that. he means the WORLD to me, the world! but i feel like i meant absolutely nothing to him. i feel like i meant nothing to him at all based off of how he’s treating me. i don’t understand what i did. to him, i’ve tried asking if i did anything to hurt his feelings, but i might have to wait until tomorrow for his response. i miss mikey, i really really do. he doesn’t care what i want anymkre though, he doesn’t care about me or my feelings either. but that’s alright, i’ll always love and care about him. he’s really cute btw!! also he still loves me, he even said it on the 2nd!! i know he’s trying to get over me though, and he’s doing that by ignoring me. once again, i’m sorry for making this thing so long, but i just can’t tell anyone else this because they won’t care about it at all. i’ll always love michael, i really will. he’s the best boy i’ve ever dated in my entire life and even if he won’t take me back, i’m gonna always love him. always. he’s my forever one and only, i love him so fucking much it’s crazy. <3
1
he’s forgetting about me :(
i’ve already posted up here about my ex, but i think he’s starting to forget about me now. he’s barely texting me back and when he does it’s only a few times before he gets off of instagram completely, if me and him are gonna be friends, i at least want us to be as close as possible considering all we’ve been through and done together. this is shorter than the last one, but i just needed to get this out
1
Missed opportunities
I feel alittle sad ig i can’t really decipher what I’m feeling but it’s more like sadness. Like half of my close friends, have a friend group of their own and in the friend group there’s ppl in it that can drive and they always go out to places or like one of the ppl who had a car, drive the others who didn’t, home. It’s just something about being in a car with people your age is just like smth abt it is fun and nice to have and it’s like something that I wish I can experience as well but idk those ppl like I know them but idk know know them. I’m just a friend of the friend group.
2
ever told someone what to do in a situation regarting your life, only for them to decided for you instead?
well it just happend to me so yea.......thats all i can get off my chest.
3
love my parents over all
I study in a uni wich is not in my city so it turned out i cannot live without my parents they are my everything they are my oxygen somehow, i can't put up with my current situation i spend nights crying and diving in my deep sadness and i'm getting depressed by the time in addition to everything they wanted me to become a doctor but i failed to fullfill their dream just to let you know i actually don't have a passion in terms of studies so i can study what ever i think about how much they sacrificed for me but i ended up not making them proud of me moreover i hope sometimes dying before them
3
honestly, i don’t know what to do anymore, i’m lost. i love him :(.
long story short, my boyfriend of 10/11 months broke up with me a few hours ago and i’m not taking it well at all. i’m begging him to stay with me, but he keeps saying no and that we don’t mix well. i’ve offered to change for the better just so me and him could be together, but he keeps saying no. i need advice, i don’t wanna move on from him. i can’t move on from him, he’s the love of my life :( here’s the long story. what should i do? me and my boyfriend (ex “for now” i guess), just broke up a few hours ago, but he told me it was for the best. i don’t see how it’s for the best though, because we’ve been having problems lately and everything, but i told him that breaking up with me wasn’t gonna fix anything between us. if anything, that’d make it worse! and it did :( it made everything so much worse. oh, and to add onto all of this, a few days ago i told him that i’m pretty sure i’m going through something right now that just makes me feel really emotional and also makes me feel like i have zero motivation. yes, he cares, but he thinks breaking up is for the best. and he doesn’t wanna online date anymore. yes, we’re online dating. but it’s been going super well i guess! we’ve been together for 10/11 months, so since December. though, we do argue a lot. like a lot! it’s hard to explain, but we’ve been having arguments every single day since April of this year. they’re mostly my fault before you ask. before i started getting a little less why around him, i was the type of person to calm down immediately if i ever got frustrated, but he told me i should be myself more around him, so i listened. i started letting my feelings and my anger get to me and i began taking it out on him, but he stayed with me. he could’ve left me anytime, but he stayed with me because he loved me. but now he doesn’t anymore, and it’s all my fucking fault :( i feel like i drove him to the point of not loving me like he used to or showing me affection like he used to. earlier, (before we broke up) i was talking a lot of shit about me breaking up with him or me making him breakup with me because he wasn’t treating me right (he’s been spending time with family and he also hasn’t been on his phone that much lately) but as soon as he broke up with me, i started hyperventilating and feeling like i was gonna throw up. all this time, i’ve been the one treating him wrong. i’ve been cussing him out since April, calling him names since April, and telling him i hate him since April. but after our arguments, i’d always feel really bad. since he’s the only one out of everyone i’ve dated that’s cared about me the way he does, he shows me that he cares and he even tells me i’m pretty! i can’t fucking lose him, but i don’t know how to change his mind. i keep offering things to him as in us staying together, but we don’t argue at all. (since half our arguments are my fault because i take everything the wrong way and i pick out the TINIEST thing ever to get mad at him about) i’ll do anything for this boy, but right now i just want him to stay with me. i need to figure out how to change his mind and be the perfect girlfriend for him, he also tells me that our personalities don’t mix well, but from what i know, they actually do. it’s just i started getting more comfortable around him and i started letting my feelings get to me a lot more than i should’ve ☹️ (i already mentioned this further up in this text) i don’t want him to be with anyone else, especially if they’re gonna be in person. i want him to be all mine like he used to be, he even put his discord back in his bio on instagram. we had ADORABLE nicknames for eachother. i miss being with him, it’s not the same being his best friend who’ll probably end up watching him get another girlfriend somewhere along the line in life. i don’t wanna be his friend, i wanna be his lover. no one else will EVER love me like he does/did. how can i change his mind? i need MAJOR fucking advice, please. now, what should i do? i can explain more if anyone needs an explanation. (if anyone actually reads this) i also just realized you can makes these things a poll, so should i make one out of this?
3
I was super excited to go somewhere, then it got cancelled and I am SAD
So I was going to go somewhere very nice and fun with my mom and I was so excited, I was thinking about it all the time. We were supposed to go today, but then I get a message saying that we can't go. I was extremely disappointed and still am. Now we have to wait another MONTH. How do I get over this disappointment and move on?
3
Self Value
Before I start this, I'm not suicidal at all. In recent days I've seen myself in the same situations where I can't seem to express my feelings towards another person. Time and time again I find myself not being able to say how I feel directly or just saying it in a way that makes them uncomfortable. It's happen so much to the point where I'm numb to any sort of negative feedback. I don't know if there is something wrong with me or if I'm just that bad at social interaction. I genuinely hate my social life. My former friends have branched off into their own groups and now I'm on my own. I don't feel bad about it either. I can't see anyone wanting to be around me anyway.
2
I feel... empty?
So I was super happy in the morning. Then, it transitioned into laziness. Then, slight anger. From there, it went into sadness. Extreme sadness. Now, I just feel empty. I don't feel aggressive sadness, nor do I feel happy, I just feel empty. Like, I exist. I am aware of my surroundings, but I don't feel much emotion, except for the bit of sadness in the background. I don't feel like doing much of like, anything. Does anyone have any advice?
3
I have no one
I have truly no friends I can talk to. I have no communication with my partner atm and the complete loneliness and hurt from no reassurance that everything is going to be okay makes me so hurt, so depressed. All I do is cry and I feel like if I don’t have someone to talk to soon, something bad is going to happen to me. I’m not strong enough anymore. I feel like my partner is distancing himself away from me for a reason, and it’s not to better himself, there’s something else and I hate that. I can’t have a partner and have no reassurance. I will break into a million pieces. I try my best given the situation I am in atm, it it’s not working. I feel alone, truly alone, I don’t feel the love from him I did once before. I’m hurting and I can’t take this anymore. I just need someone to talk to. Someone that actually cares, I need someone here. Someone that wants me.
5
this sucks.
i work at a bakery and the girl working here before me was thin, i am not. today a guy came in went to the manager and said 'where is the thin one?' i wanna bury myself alive and just slowly die.
3
The first time I cried in years
Ok for context. I am not a crybaby in fact I take things pretty well. But today I had to cry. All of this bullshit began when I was 8 with r@pe. I was naive and dumb so yeah. After that when I was 11 bullying in school started. Luckily stopped when I got 12. Abt two years later I got a girlfriend and my best friend wich I got in elementary school was still there. He moved away and over distance it’s difficult to keep a friendship alive so he kinda dipped after 5 fucking years! Not even a few days later my girlfriend left me and I didn’t recover from any of the named things. I got new friends and a dog to recover. But today I found out that my friends were only my friends cause they felt bad for a freak like me. I found it out in the bathroom and that got me. After all this time I fell to my knees and cried. It feels good to let it out after holding it back for so long. Update: Well seems like the bullying is back. For explanation: after my „friends“ found out that I knew what they were thinking of me they took their chance and let everything out they held back for months and are repeating that over and over again every day. This has been going on for a week now and I think it’s time to do something about it. I’ll update soon.
3
loop
I'm sinking deeper and deeper, I haven't even played more games properly which was what I loved, I just lie there, I feel like I won't be able to get out of this pit, does anyone else feel or have they ever felt this way? I've had depression and anxiety problems and panic syndrome since I was 15 and now I'm 25, I think there's no way out, just death.
3
Real.
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Guilty
Guilt is a feeling of regret that arises when we do something and disapprove of our actions, that is, it originates from our frustrations. I see myself standing on top of a fragile, graceful structure and I realize that I have no movement, frozen by the impotence of not saving this situation and I can't blame anyone but myself. Now, feeling cold and with a blocked throat and feeling ashamed of myself, I helplessly wait for the time when the ice that sustains me breaks like crystals and drowns me, because I'm the only person who put me in this position.
4
I feel so lonely all the time but I put on a brave face
I just want to be loved
4
feelings of regret
Lastnight I sat with a belt around my neck, feeling nothing I looked for somewhere to tie it off in my room, somewhere to end the pain but all I could think of was the hurt my family would feel all I could think of was the regret they would feel and the blame they would put on themselves, I feel like it is getting closer and further at the same time like the pain is getting worse but I'm becoming more numb to everything else around me, I really just don't want to keep going on with this anymore but I don't want to cause any more pain to those around me... I don't want to miss my boys growing up, I don't want to put them through losing a parent at such a young age and have them grow up thinking they weren't enough to keep me wanting to carry on. At 28 years old, I have made more poor choices in the last 8 years leading to regrets that will last me a lifetime, than any other point in my life, they caused regrets because I made mistakes that I didn't learn from I made the same mistakes over and over again repeating the same cycle for 8 years no matter how hard I tried to stop myself I couldn't
5
I am in need of someone to talk to
I am currently sitting in my apartment, trying to distract myself from my own head... Overthinking and sad... I wanna talk to someone, but it's late and everyone is sleeping... Sorry for my rant... I'll just stop here before it becomes uncomprehensible.
5
my dad has cancer
I'm a kid just becoming a teenager and I dropped out of school to do home schooling when I was 8 my dad was my only friend during this time and we always called each other best friends when I was a kid we even made a secret handshake and when I was little I used to cry about the nightmares I'd have of him dying in November 2021 he had caught brain cancer I was brutally hurt and he was in a coma and he was gonna die that day he woke up the next day and after about 3 days he had surgery it didn't save him just delayed the inevitable I'm not close to my mum and I'm kind of uncomfortable saying normal words to her like "I love you" or something like that me and my mum don't get along and argue a lot and I don't wanna be left with someone I can't say I love you to I just don't know what to do tbh I feel like I won't ever be happy and I will be miserable and in a dark hole forever and I noticed whoever I tell they don't care I'm alone without anyone to father me and teach me right and wrong Ig I'm just asking you guys if I will ever be happy ever again after this like will I find something to make me smile when he's not there?
9
Causes of Stress
You must be aware of the potential triggers of stress in order to implement the appropriate [stress management](https://onlinemkt.org/stress-management/) techniques necessary to prevent it. #stressManagement #tension #sadness [https://onlinemkt.org/causes-of-stress/](https://onlinemkt.org/causes-of-stress/)
2
I hate my life, I want to escape it, I want to sleep comfortably, from this family, from this world, from this cruel reality, I want to float, float in the air, have a peaceful sleep. I'm sorry if you wasted your time reading this nonsense.
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Angry about a family member dying???
I never expected this moment to come but three months ago my favorite person in the world (my sister) passed away....I've felt a mix of emotions but I've noticed that anger is the most prominent one. I wish that maybe if I went to go deliver mum's shopping that day it wouldn't of happened? I keep on having these thoughts making little alternative universes inside my head abt if me and her swapped places or if she was still alive. It makes me angry and I'm not sure why?
2
Ever feel like you’re dying a thousand deaths?
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I am sad but i have no reason to be
What a waste of life
6
I feel empty....
I want to cry, I really do. I feel so full of sadness and grief but can't seem to express emotions. It's been years since I was able to express emotions without having to cut myself or drink heavily. Even then I can't get more then a few tears out. I just want to cry.
3
i lost my 6 years old son
i lost my 6 years old son , a year ago, because of covid. He had leukemia and had a twisted and hard 4 months of treatments and i had the good news that we beat cancer. but at the same week he got covid and gone in intensive care within the next week. he was a fighter and resist and fight for 60 days in IC but couldnt make it. bnow i’m drinking and still couldnt deal the fact that i lost him. i feel like i fucked up in every aspects of my life. i broke up with my girlfriend 2 and a half weeks ago. i feel like shit
3
https://youtu.be/wRtsgz1G1LI
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i know getting a haircut would make me feel better but at the same time it might make me more depressed too
cutting my hair would mean so much to me, you have no idea. but no one understands that. or if they do, they wouldn't understand the reasons why i won't go to a hairdresser. there's so many reasons i can't count. maybe if i had a irl friend i'd have enough support to go. but that's just a dream. then well.. if i did manage to cut my hair on my own (kind of boys haircut so not so practical ) it might make me more depressed because my family won't understand why i want short hair so bad. rules are, you're a girl so you have long hair, you're a boy so you have short hair. they won't admit it, but their reaction proves it. idk, shouldn't i do it if at some point i look at the mirror and i hate what i see? my hair i mean. i hate it. if only i was a boy. but even if i was i'd probably be judged for letting a few centimeters of hair wouldn't i sorry for the pessimism i'll figure it out i guess
2
depression
I can't stop crying. It's hard to explain but as soon as I start to think about how bad my life has been since I started existing and how bad/stuck it is right now I start to cry very hard and I can keep like this for hours until it reachs a point where my eyes get swollen and I can't breathe... I am in the shower I get those thoughts and I start crying, I am on my bed I get those and I cry, I'm having lunch and the same... Will this ever stop? My life is stuck and I don't see any way out besides dying but it's hard because I don't want to see my mom dying too after knowing I tried to kms... I'm not even good at explaining how do I feel, usually I just type the same sh*t and it never helps I guess I'm not even good at anything, Jesuschrist I just wanna be dead, I hope you hear me.
6
Doing extra badly today
&#x200B; &#x200B; I am sad and coping badly. &#x200B; Having difficulty evening considering the possibility of forming a plan for the day. &#x200B; In my third hour of zoom and successfully hiding how badly I am doing, but it is a lot of work. &#x200B; I really hate this.
6
My Dog
My parents have decided to give my dog away. He is a 3-year-old Newfoundland. He has this amazing, loving personality. He is my favorite of all the dogs I have had in my life. They are giving him away because of his anxiety. It seems really stupid to me. They say that they can't deal with it and that he would be happier somewhere else. This brought me to tears. What they were basically saying is that we don't love him. The person is coming on Sunday. I have less than a week left with my best friend. I just thought I could share this story with a bunch of random people because they can't really judge me because they don't know me.
3
I just found this out I am severely depressed according to 15minuites4me
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The fire that took my home...
Long story, so if you read to the end I appreciate you.. It was around 1:30 am. Suddenly, there was a loud “BOOM”! My S/O and I both quickly looked outside toward the street because car accidents were extremely common at the intersection in front of our apartment. To our bewilderment, there was nothing. I thought to go back to sleep thinking that the accident might have just been out of view, but S/O wanted to go investigate. He opened the front door to flames in his face! “OH SHIT!! FIRE! FIRE! EVERYBODY GET OUT! THERE’S A FIRE!!” Suddenly, the alarms sounded off in our apartment. I rushed to get out through our sliding patio door, which was the safest exit away from the flames. We were on the first floor, so escaping safely was easy. S/O grabbed his truck keys and sounded its alarm, screaming and hollering that there was a fire. Running up and down the staircases and knocking on everyone’s door, attempting to wake up and rescue as many people as he can. I stand outside in horror, watching the flames engulf the staircase that S/O was running up and down on. The fire was creeping into our unit through the front door that he forgot to close. I watched, distraught to see that there was even a fire extinguisher right next to the fire, but out of fear for my own safety, I dared not to approach it. I was frozen in place, screaming “FIRE!” because in that moment that was all I could muster myself to do. Soon after, our neighbors came running out of their units barely clothed, in their pajamas and barefoot. Our upstairs neighbor didn’t make it out before the flames consumed the stairwell, but luckily S/O helped him down his balcony. Then they teamed up to help another neighbor get down their balcony as well. This was just before the fire took over their apartments. Somehow someone calmly asked “Have anybody called 911?”, while holding out their phone. I was so hyper focused on everything happening around me and making sure that my boyfriend and our neighbors were safe, that I had spaced out about calling. I pulled out my phone and made the call. It was now around 2 am. They stayed on the line with me for approximately 15 mins, all the while the flames reached to top floors, filling them with yellow and orange flickering light, fires billowing out their windows. The fire trucks began rolling in almost immediately after we hung up. There were approximately 6 fire trucks, 3 ambulances, and 4 or so police vehicles. They had blocked off our street. The firefighters went fast to work. It took the firefighters about 45mins-1hr to douse the fire. They were able to retrieve some belongings out of everyone’s unit for those that asked. The whole time I’m shaking from the experience. S/O was quick to react ,and was able to wake up and rescue our neighbors, so there were no fatalities which was lucky because we were supposed to be away on vacation but it got cancelled. We and our neighbors were out of a place to sleep until 4:30am -ish, when the Red Cross came to our aid and gave us money to spend on essentials and a hotel. I grew up having few things being poor, but I was slowly turning that apartment into a home in the two and half years we lived there. Gradually buying things I liked; things that coordinated with themes in each room. Finally having a dining table (after waiting 2 years for one); a custom one that we helped create! Art that I created on our walls, tapestries, new clothes I had bought (after not buying anything new in years)… I was finally getting to know myself, and surround myself with all the things that reflected me and my personality,.. Now gone or just outside of reach. Our home was inhabitable and we were essentially homeless.. It is now over a month since all this happened, and I’m still grieving. In all that time, even my family showed little to no concern about my circumstance and situation; nothing of asking how I'm doing. I’m sitting in a new, almost bare apartment still mourning the place that we made into our home. I grew up trying hard not to be materialistic, to only buy what was needed, to make use of everything till it breaks, and when I finally decide that I can spoil myself, it all gets taken away from me. Now we are attempting to rebuild and waiting on our insurance. That complex won’t let us re-enter our unit to retrieve salvageable items without signing a suspicious document first. And I’m just sitting here full of this aching sorrow that won't go away.
2
I Just Realized I'm Alone.
I was sitting in bed and thinking. Btw -8/10 strongly do not recommend. I'm married. I share the bed with my husband, the love of my life, the shining light in my sky for the last four years. Over those four years, I've slowly watched every friend I had disappear from my life. I can't reach out to any of them. They've all either moved on or they just grew out of being friends with me or I cut them off because they were having a negative effect on me and my marriage. I can't make amends. They're just gone. The same applies to my family too. My family was always critical of my husband from day one. They constantly told me my husband was a piece of crap, that they were venomous and toxic. Pot calling the kettle black tbh, but whatever. I cut them off too. They were having a negative effect on my marriage. So I cut everyone off because they were either bad for me or were poisoning my marriage. I still had my husband though... Until a month ago. He ended our relationship. I'm actually in the process of starting a job and moving out before I have to file for divorce. So I cut everyone off or they just left my life. I can't make things right with anyone that used to be on my side, and the one person that I thought I had in my corner forever is going to be another damn blemish on my life. Just another failed relationship of one kind or another. Except this time, I don't have the company of friends, or family. Hell, I live at a motel so I don't even have a pet. I'm not suicidal. I don't want to die and I sure as hell don't want to off myself. But... I just don't see how you bounce back from losing anybody who ever meant anything to you. I know people who have been in this situation, don't get me wrong, but a lot of the people I've met who were alone like this were old enough to have been retired for a decade or two. I'm not even 30. How do you bounce back when you've lost everyone in some way? Do you? Or do I get to live on with this gaping hole in my heart from now until the day I breathe my last? And even if I do bounce back, this is the second time I've watched my entire support system and circle deteriorate into nothing. Once again, I'm not even close to halfway through my life. I'm alone. I'm miserable. And quite frankly, I'm close to the edge. I may not be there yet, but I'm stepping up to it slowly.
5
Sad about the current situation with girls
I am sad about the current situation with girls in my country. I only have experience with boys but now I am thinking to try with girls. But the problem is that the society in my country has changed a lot. Every corner you look at you can see propaganda about harassment. I don't feel confident about dating girls knowing that I can go to a overcrowded jail just by trying to be nice with someone. I can't trust. Because couples can have arguments sometimes. And if one side of the relationship is crazy that could end bad. She could accuse you of something horrible. Like rape. And I wouldn't like to experience that. Nobody would believe me, no one would believe in my innocence. That makes me sad. Knowing that it's not safe to be with a girl makes me sad. And it's stupid I know, but anyway it makes me sad.
1
i am unsure
one of my only friends i have found a new friend an the two spend lots of time with each other which is good but the friend seemgly dosnt care about me anymore to the point where i get the feeling she is activly trying to avoid me how should i if i should at all speak about that with her or should i simpley give our fiendship up i am sad because i feel ignored
3
Why saying good bye is so hard?
So I have been studying abroad for nearly two years. And now it's finally the time to say good bye. Recently I feel like I'm not okay with this. But I can't do anything. I have to leave this country because of my permit and my scholarship is over. But I just can't say goodbye. Everyday I feel like I have to constantly dwell over my sadness. It's strange tho. Brcause just a couple of days ago when I was still dealing with my final exam I feel like I really want to quit and said to myself, "I want to leave this country and get over it". Now that my exam is over I guess I still love this place. Even with lots of crying and depression it gave me. My life here is not that wonderful, but I guess I just not ready with adapting to new environment, and probably the fact that I don't know when can I go back making me even feel sadder. I'll miss this place. A lot.
5
A friend that I secretly had a crush on, that I never got to tell, hasnt been on in nearly a week. I understand that isnt a long time, but we used to talk all the time. I miss him dearly.
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2
My chronic illnesses ruin everything
I had to cancel some plans again. I was supposed to visit a friend of mine, I started planning this in February. I was so looking forward to it. Turns out a couple of days before leaving I received a new diagnosis, something that can potentially progress if I don't take action right away. So I'm stuck here. I am not spending time with my friend, I'm spending more time with doctors. I need a break so bad.
5
I lost my sister
She was my only joy, she had this big smile and used to walk like a boy I used to tease her about, she was my everything ,I wish I had more time with, I was at her death and even grave but I never cried because it didn’t feel real, I wish to see her smile one more time, I truly hope no one goes through this pain. Me writing this is realizing she gone forever and I will never see her.
12
do you guys ever have that urge just to blow your head of or move away with no reason?
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7
No reason
Hello, My life is going terribly right now. At least from 2021 to 2022 I’ve had happiness troubles. I will be happy for 1 week just to be sad the next 3 months for noe reason and so on. I can’t stand why I’m always sad, I always put others before me because When I make people happy I become happy.
4
five years ago today my best friend passed away due to cancer, the last thing I ever said to her was "see you later" I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Fuck cancer.
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8
I’m try to pull myself out of deep sadness.
I’m 50 years old and feel like the last couple of years have taken a toll on my mental health. Between Covid, the state of the world, some work drama and being in a new town with no friends, I’m depressed and haven’t figured out how to get out of it. Can anyone relate or offer some advice on how to improve my emotional health?
6
I'm sick of the mood swings, I'm sick of the episodes
This is going to be a long and very needed vent for myself. First off, I'm tired. I'm sleepy, hungry, energetic one day but tired the next, depressed and so on- I don't have anyone to talk to hence the reddit post. I'm struggling and it seems like my family doesn't want anything to do with me if I'm not happy all of the time. Like the second I try to talk to them ab how I feel and shit gets real it's a problem and I get to hear all ab how ungrateful I am and this and that. I'm just so done with everything. I'm done with starving myself. I'm done not being able to sleep at night and crashing throughout the day. I'm sick of feeling the unnerving urge to cut myself and put my self back into the cycle of self-harm. I'm tired of this body and the low self-esteem that comes with it. I hate the way I look. And I hate my thought process of : 'If I won't ever be beautiful and desired in this body, what's the point of taking care of it. I'm trash inside and out. I'm self-absorbed and that's another fact that I need to accept.' When my family sees my lack of motivation to take care of myself they immediately jump to the conclusion that I'm lazy and that I'm doing it for attention. And hell, to some extent I am. I do want your attention. And I would like you to acknowledge me when I'm not okay or at my best. Because when I get an A it's worthy of praise but the second that C comes along I'm a disappointment. I'm growing older and of course it'll become harder to maintain those good grades. And they look past all of my god damn effort to then see all of my flaws. It's all pushed me into this toxic mindset and it's taught me to push myself past their extremely high expectations. I'm also very conflicted with myself because I could be having a decent day and one thought that comes across my mind will throw me back into my depressive cycle. Suddenly I get the urge to cut myself and watch my blood run from my wrists. I learned to get high off of my lows and not my highs. I long for the desperation that comes from me being sad. I don't even know anymore. Like I said it's an extremely toxic mindset and I'm fully aware of that. But I also don't plan on dropping it anytime soon. I guess it's just fucking addictive in a sense. Even though I know exactly what's next and that it isn't good for my health. I'm getting to the point when I believe that I care more about others health way more than I could ever care about mine. It sucks when you feel worthless and powerless in your own body. Like the choices aren't up to you, y'know? That's how I've been feeling for the past year now. And honestly, I don't think it's getting any better. I feel temporary happiness I guess, but even then it's half-hearted. Like how yesterday was one of my family member's birthdays, I felt like crap weeks up until that point. But I didn't want to be selfish by being a burden on their special day. I swear to you that was the only fucking motivation that I had to be able to push myself through. To not break out in tears the second I got there. I've looked up so much shit that is not helping me to talk to people in real life. Instead I'd rather tell strangers on the internet with their own problems about how terrible I've been feeling. I just feel like I can trust the internet more than I can trust my family. It sucks combating this stuff alone, but I don't have a choice. Anyway, if you've stuck through long enough to reach the end then I appreciate you. Thanks for taking the time out of your day to listen to some stranger on the internet. I hope you're okay. I care about everyone here. You deserve happiness. Stay strong.
5
Self Question.....
Don't exactly know where to find my answer from so I guess I'll start from Reddit... How come I feel like such a failure? Every day I always manage to do something wrong. Or even to get into trouble. I try to focus on bettering my self as a person. But each time I do, I always unconsciously manage to fuck it up. I've started developing terrible eating habits. I find myself getting tired easily. Shutting ppl out of my life. And hurting the ppl that I love, by lashing out my anger and sadness onto them. I honestly wish there was someone that I could talk to. But I feel as if they weren't even understand me. Whenever someone asks me how I'm doing I start to stutter, chuckle through it and then say "I'm doing alright". But am I? I don't even know what this is that I'm exactly dealing with... Is it anxiety? Depression? Sadness? Overthinking? Not a day goes by where I find myself breaking down and crying in my room, thinking about just ending life then and there.... I don't know why I can't talk about this to someone in-person. I'm just a young adult that is too "lowkey" and tends to keep everything to myself. If you don't understand all this that I've written, I don't blame you.
3
My parents are arguing. And my mom is crying, i've been crying in my room my pillow is wet, I don't know what else i could do.
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4
Thoughts at 5 a.m.
I've been talking to someone for almost a year now. We're classmates. We've decided to be together because we like each other. And I've been really jealous of his chat buddy because they are always together at church, and after church they will chat about what happened, and their chat looks like they are always having fun. I know I get jealous easily just because of this, but instead of helping me calm down, he gets angry. And I felt invalidated because I had previously advised him to avoid that person, yet they always seemed so close. He told me that I was toxic because I got angry at that, which is true. That is why I told him that we should break up, yet he won't let me do so. We already talked about it and were good now, but I realize that after thinking overnight, we should stop now. It was like a destructive bomb that shattered my whole being as I imagined that the person I always talked to, laughed with, and cried with would no longer be by my side. 
4
im not interested in living any longer
im tired and done w everything going on around me, feels as though ive had enough. im done w being constantly pressured to do things i dont want to and fear for the things that i dont want to happen. im planning to take a call on this one soon.
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