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sha256:79fb2be9eb63dd6dfddbb28aadefa2fa3be43f414fb72c87ed2632fbe7c1f812 +size 23495087677 diff --git a/transcript/TED_-FOCpMAww28.txt b/transcript/TED_-FOCpMAww28.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..462c477f0427f7ba2104413318c1a35ba3181667 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_-FOCpMAww28.txt @@ -0,0 +1,125 @@ +[0.000 --> 15.120] Some people think that there's a TED Talk formula. +[15.120 --> 17.280] Give a talk on a round red rug. +[17.280 --> 23.480] Share a childhood story, divulge a personal secret, end with an inspiring, core to action. +[23.480 --> 24.480] No. +[24.480 --> 26.840] That's not how to think of a TED Talk. +[26.840 --> 31.340] In fact, if you overuse those devices, you're just going to come across as cliched or +[31.340 --> 33.120] emotionally manipulative. +[33.120 --> 37.880] But there is one thing that all great TED Talks have in common, and I would like to share +[37.880 --> 39.760] that thing with you. +[39.760 --> 44.160] Because over the past 12 years, I've had a ringside seat listening to many hundreds +[44.160 --> 47.080] of amazing TED speakers like these. +[47.080 --> 50.880] I've helped them prepare their talks for prime time and learned directly from them their +[50.880 --> 53.400] secrets of what makes for a great talk. +[53.400 --> 57.720] And even though these speakers and their topics all seem completely different, they actually +[57.720 --> 61.520] do have one key common ingredient. +[61.520 --> 63.600] And it's this. +[63.600 --> 69.440] Your number one task as a speaker is to transfer into your listeners' minds an extraordinary +[69.440 --> 76.240] gift, a strange and beautiful object that we call an idea. +[76.240 --> 77.240] Let me show you what I mean. +[77.240 --> 78.240] Here's Haley. +[78.240 --> 82.480] She is about to give a TED Talk, and frankly, she's terrified. +[82.480 --> 83.960] Haley, stand up. +[83.960 --> 84.960] CHEERING AND APPLAUSE +[90.560 --> 96.360] Over the course of 18 minutes, 1200 people, many of whom have never seen each other before, +[96.360 --> 101.680] are finding that their brains are starting to sink with Haley's brain and with each other. +[101.680 --> 105.240] They're literally beginning to exhibit the same brain wave patterns. +[105.240 --> 108.920] And I don't just mean that they're feeling the same emotions, there's something even +[108.920 --> 110.400] more startling happening. +[110.400 --> 114.360] Let's take a look inside Haley's brain for a moment. +[114.360 --> 118.560] There are billions of inter-connected neurons in an impossible tangle. +[118.560 --> 123.520] But look, here, right here, a few million of them are linked to each other in a way +[123.520 --> 126.640] which represents a single idea. +[126.640 --> 132.160] And incredibly, this exact pattern is being recreated in real time inside the minds of +[132.160 --> 133.160] everyone listening. +[133.160 --> 134.920] That's right. +[134.920 --> 139.880] And just a few minutes, a pattern involving millions of neurons is being teleported into +[139.880 --> 144.520] 1200 minds just by people listening to a voice and watching a face. +[144.520 --> 147.600] But wait, what is an idea anyway? +[147.600 --> 153.880] Well, you can think of it as a pattern of information that helps you understand and navigate the +[153.880 --> 154.880] world. +[154.880 --> 160.040] Ideas come in all shapes and sizes from the complex and analytical to the simple and aesthetic. +[160.040 --> 164.320] And here are just a few examples shared from the TED stage. +[164.320 --> 165.920] I can Robinson. +[165.920 --> 167.720] Creativity is key to our kids' future. +[167.720 --> 173.840] My contention is that creativity now is as important in education as literacy. +[173.840 --> 176.240] And we should treat it with the same status. +[176.240 --> 179.480] Elora Hardy, building from Bamboo, is beautiful. +[179.480 --> 181.480] It is growing all around us. +[181.480 --> 182.480] It's strong. +[182.480 --> 183.480] It's elegant. +[183.480 --> 185.480] It's earthquake resistant. +[185.480 --> 189.800] Chimamanda Aditi, people are more than a single identity. +[189.800 --> 192.880] The single story creates stereotypes. +[192.880 --> 199.840] And the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. +[199.840 --> 204.400] Your mind is teaming with ideas, and not just randomly, but they're carefully linked +[204.400 --> 205.400] together. +[205.400 --> 210.320] Collectively, they form an amazingly complex structure that is your personal world view. +[210.320 --> 213.080] It's your brain's operating system. +[213.080 --> 214.440] It's how you navigate the world. +[214.440 --> 218.720] And it is built up out of millions of individual ideas. +[218.720 --> 223.720] So for example, if one little component of your world view is the idea that kittens +[223.720 --> 229.080] are adorable, then when you see this, you'll react like this. +[229.080 --> 233.560] But if another component of your world view is the idea that leopards are dangerous, then +[233.560 --> 237.720] when you see this, you'll react a little bit differently. +[237.720 --> 243.240] So it's pretty obvious why the ideas that make up your world view are crucial. +[243.240 --> 248.920] You need them to be as reliable as possible a guide to the scary but wonderful real world +[248.920 --> 249.920] out there. +[249.920 --> 254.560] Now, different people's world views can be dramatically different. +[254.560 --> 260.080] For example, how does your world view react when you see this image? +[260.080 --> 262.960] What do you think when you look at me? +[262.960 --> 273.200] A woman of faith, an expert, maybe even a sister, or oppressed, brainwashed, a terrorist, +[274.040 --> 278.560] whatever your answer, there are millions of people out there who would react very differently. +[278.560 --> 281.080] So that's why ideas really matter. +[281.080 --> 285.760] If communicated properly, they're capable of changing forever how someone thinks about +[285.760 --> 292.080] the world and shaping their actions both now and well into the future. +[292.080 --> 295.680] Ideas are the most powerful force shaping human culture. +[295.680 --> 299.880] So if you accept that your number one task as a speaker is to build an idea inside the +[299.880 --> 305.160] minds of your audience, here are four guidelines for how you should go about that task. +[305.160 --> 309.560] One, limit your talk to just one major idea. +[309.560 --> 311.160] Ideas are complex things. +[311.160 --> 315.720] You need to slash back your content so that you can focus on the single idea you're +[315.720 --> 321.000] most passionate about and give yourself a chance to explain that one thing properly. +[321.000 --> 326.400] You have to give context, share examples, make it vivid, so pick one idea and make it +[326.400 --> 331.240] the through line, running through your entire talk so that everything you say links back +[331.240 --> 333.200] to it in some way. +[333.200 --> 337.800] Two, give your listeners a reason to care. +[337.800 --> 342.080] Before you can start building things inside the minds of your audience, you have to get +[342.080 --> 344.080] their permission to welcome you in. +[344.080 --> 346.280] And the main tool to achieve that? +[346.280 --> 347.680] Curiosity. +[347.680 --> 350.040] Stir your audience's curiosity. +[350.040 --> 355.000] Use intriguing provocative questions to identify why something doesn't make sense and +[355.000 --> 356.920] needs explaining. +[356.920 --> 362.240] If you can reveal a disconnection in someone's worldview, they'll feel the need to bridge +[362.240 --> 364.160] that knowledge gap. +[364.160 --> 368.560] And once you've sparked that desire, it will be so much easier to start building your +[368.560 --> 369.560] idea. +[369.560 --> 372.360] Three, build your idea. +[372.360 --> 373.600] Piece by piece. +[373.600 --> 379.080] Out of concepts that your audience already understands, you use the power of language to +[379.080 --> 383.040] weave together concepts that already exist in your listeners' minds. +[383.040 --> 385.920] But not your language, their language. +[385.920 --> 387.360] You start where they are. +[387.360 --> 391.680] But speakers often forget that many of the terms and concepts they live with are completely +[391.680 --> 393.760] unfamiliar to their audiences. +[393.760 --> 400.000] Now metaphors can play a crucial role in showing how the pieces fit together, because they reveal +[400.000 --> 406.280] the desired shape of the pattern based on an idea that the listener already understands. +[406.280 --> 410.640] For example, when Jennifer Khan wanted to explain the incredible new biotechnology called +[410.640 --> 417.160] CRISPR, she said, it's as if for the first time you had a word processor to edit DNA. +[417.160 --> 422.360] CRISPR allows you to cut and paste genetic information really easily. +[422.360 --> 427.680] Now a vivid explanation like that delivers a satisfying aha moment as it snaps into +[427.680 --> 429.000] place in our minds. +[429.000 --> 433.840] It's important therefore to test your talk on trusted friends and find out which parts +[433.840 --> 435.640] they get confused by. +[435.640 --> 438.080] Four, here's the final tip. +[438.080 --> 441.440] Make your idea worth sharing. +[441.440 --> 446.840] By that I mean ask yourself the question, who does this idea benefit? +[446.840 --> 449.760] And I need you to be honest with the answer. +[449.760 --> 454.560] If the idea only serves you or your organisation, then I'm sorry to say it's probably not +[454.560 --> 455.880] worth sharing. +[455.880 --> 458.080] The audience will see right through you. +[458.080 --> 462.920] But if you believe that the idea has the potential to brighten up someone else's day or change +[462.920 --> 468.400] someone else's perspective for the better or inspire someone to do something differently, +[468.400 --> 473.680] then you have the core ingredient to a truly great talk, one that can be a gift to them +[473.680 --> 474.640] and to all of us. diff --git a/transcript/TED_1zpf8H_Dd40.txt b/transcript/TED_1zpf8H_Dd40.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..5d5d048041262355bd16c1980a69ff0fae4d2e64 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_1zpf8H_Dd40.txt @@ -0,0 +1,182 @@ +[0.000 --> 13.440] So you've already decided whether you like me or not. +[13.440 --> 19.360] And you did that within a fraction of a second of seeing me. +[19.360 --> 25.520] You made that unconscious choice the moment I walked on. +[25.520 --> 31.600] You saw my behaviour, my body language, my nonverbal behaviour, my tone of voice as well +[31.600 --> 33.000] that you're hearing now. +[33.000 --> 37.800] And there's a part of your brain which if we take evolution as a given and we're going +[37.800 --> 42.260] to have to take evolution as a given during the whole of my speech because all of my work +[42.260 --> 48.240] relies on evolutionary psychology and behavioral evolutionary psychology and neural architecture +[48.240 --> 49.320] based on evolution. +[49.320 --> 56.720] So it's rather like if you play catching fairies with my daughter Stella you have to believe +[56.720 --> 62.200] in fairies or you have to put on a really good performance that you believe in fairies +[62.200 --> 64.360] because otherwise it's just no fun. +[64.360 --> 69.400] So taking evolution as a given there's a part of your brain it sits right on top of your +[69.400 --> 71.640] spine goes up inside of your head. +[71.640 --> 77.160] Some people call it the brain stem or the R complex or the reptilian brain or the primitive +[77.160 --> 85.920] brain and it makes snap judgments about everybody around it and everybody around you uses that +[85.920 --> 90.440] part of their brain to make snap judgments about you. +[90.440 --> 97.480] And based on behaviour it decides should we approach this person are they going to be +[97.480 --> 103.200] good for us or should we retreat because they're going to be a huge risk. +[103.200 --> 108.800] In fact if I open this idea out a little bit more there are simply four categories that +[108.800 --> 112.720] your primitive brain has for everybody else around it. +[112.720 --> 116.960] So as I walked on there were four potential categories for me. +[116.960 --> 123.640] I came on stage I start behaving and your primitive brain says is Mark giving us some +[123.640 --> 131.200] minimum specifications based on 500 million years of evolutionary data that he's possibly +[131.200 --> 132.640] a friend for us. +[132.800 --> 134.720] Is he going to supply to us. +[134.720 --> 141.280] Do we see some signals that give us that gut reaction that this is going to be good. +[141.280 --> 149.240] He's a good person and if you put me into that friend category you're now cherry picking +[149.240 --> 153.600] from all the data that I've got using your neocortex which is about 200 thousand years +[153.600 --> 159.520] old pretty new using that neocortex cherry picking all the data that fits your brain +[159.520 --> 163.440] so that stems theory and assumption about me being a friend. +[163.440 --> 169.760] Okay now I could come on and you might pick up some minimum specifications that Mark is +[169.760 --> 172.080] an enemy to me a predator. +[172.080 --> 177.200] Now I'm not trying to do those but if they accidentally happened you'd then put me into +[177.200 --> 183.200] predicate category you do the retreat response instead of the approach response that you do +[183.200 --> 188.800] around the friend category and then you send a message all unconsciously all unconscious +[188.800 --> 196.720] choices to your neocortex gut saying go and get me all the data that proves Mark is the +[196.720 --> 197.720] enemy to me. +[197.720 --> 201.280] Of course the neocortex might go hey I don't really know this guy and he's not really +[201.280 --> 207.440] said very much that I can discern so far so I'll just make up a load of stuff about him. +[207.440 --> 213.880] I'll just make up some stories and some narratives that makes him bad yeah equally so if I come +[213.880 --> 220.000] on and I trigger friend with your brain stem you equally if you can't find any data that +[220.000 --> 223.880] makes me friend you just make up a whole bunch of stories about me that make me really +[223.880 --> 224.880] good. +[224.880 --> 231.240] Now the third category I come on I behave and for some reason you think ah Mark potential +[231.240 --> 241.120] sexual partner for me. +[241.120 --> 247.800] So when I do this not usually that much laughter okay. +[247.800 --> 253.800] No look obviously I'm not trying to get into that category with you my wife's over there +[253.800 --> 259.240] traces over there her Tracy so you know not trying to get in that category but these things +[259.240 --> 261.600] can happen by accident. +[261.600 --> 267.240] For example your brain stem is looking for things like does Mark look a little bit like +[267.240 --> 273.760] me is he like me does he look to be kind of like one of my tribe one of my group one +[273.760 --> 279.600] of my gang one of my company almost my family but not quite because you know genetic says +[279.600 --> 284.440] that wouldn't be very very useful for us it wouldn't play out well so is he like me +[284.440 --> 289.840] is does his hair look good does it look like it has good mineral content in it so it's +[289.840 --> 293.520] got good color you're actually stroking your hair as you're as I'm talking about this +[293.520 --> 299.240] right you madam I can I can read people right from here yeah don't look cool now don't +[299.240 --> 304.760] look cool nothing happening here Tracy nothing going on nothing going on nothing going +[304.760 --> 310.080] on so does it look like it has good mineral content in it and does it have a shine to +[310.080 --> 315.520] it because that would mean there's probably a good omega-3 fatty acid diet and therefore +[315.520 --> 320.560] I come from a land where there's good resource and I look a bit like you so if we were +[320.560 --> 326.360] to mate and there was offspring well they grow up with good genetic code and in a land +[326.360 --> 330.640] where there's opulence and food okay that's why we have those conditioner ads with the +[330.640 --> 336.280] little flick of the hair and all of that yeah oh there's also with the which things like +[336.280 --> 342.040] the pick up guys called peacocking which is you know where you've got you know beautiful +[342.040 --> 353.040] colors that flash yeah again for me this is just style so if I come now here's the important +[353.040 --> 358.720] bit here's the important bit because if I come on and I don't trigger friend or enemy +[358.720 --> 362.400] or potential sexual partner with you which for those I triggered that you might want to +[362.400 --> 367.680] start an orderly queue just turn there sometimes it goes around the whole block but that's +[367.680 --> 373.360] okay if I haven't triggered those here's the important thing for us here today you are now +[373.360 --> 382.720] indifferent to me and here's what you're hearing and your mind is off imagining the potential +[382.720 --> 388.920] enemies or friends or sexual partners now there are seven billion people on the planet +[388.920 --> 394.120] right now what do you think is the default category for anybody knew that you meet on this +[394.120 --> 404.760] earth indifferent absolutely you are pre-programmed to be indifferent to the seven billion people +[404.760 --> 412.080] on this planet right now and here's my problem I don't know I don't many of you out here to +[412.080 --> 416.840] I mean the majority there's there's Tracey and Jennifer over there and that's always good yeah but +[416.840 --> 423.400] the rest of you that they're my friends and family but the rest of you I don't know you don't +[423.400 --> 431.080] know me which means you're designed to be indifferent to me right now and I have a really important +[431.080 --> 439.640] message for you today but evolutionary psychology says and behavioral psychology says that you're just +[439.640 --> 447.080] not going to pay attention to me unless I can get in the category of friend with you and so that's +[447.080 --> 454.040] what I've been doing all the time I've been on here so far I've been giving you the signals to +[454.040 --> 461.080] your primitive brain that will trigger you to cause me to go into friend category with you and +[461.080 --> 468.040] cherry pick from all the language that I've given you only the stuff that is good and if you +[468.040 --> 474.200] couldn't find anything good you've been making it up in your head so I just want to let you into +[474.200 --> 479.160] the secret because I want you to be able to do this you know with your friends and family and +[479.160 --> 484.200] help work and wherever you want to do this kind of thing I think should be free to all so here's +[484.200 --> 489.400] what I've been doing look you know all this stuff this stuff's easy the smile okay smile it's a +[489.400 --> 494.680] universal signal across the planet okay it's the same whatever whatever place you come from whoever +[494.680 --> 498.600] you were born to whether you were born at the top of the mountain or down by a lake doesn't matter +[498.600 --> 503.480] your country doesn't matter who your parents were everybody smiles the same the muscles here +[503.480 --> 512.760] tighten to pull up the sides of the lips but that's not enough friend enemy or potential sexual partner +[515.800 --> 520.280] for those of you at the back who are distanced from me you're indifferent to me right now +[520.280 --> 526.520] but these people down the front in close proximity almost certainly in personal space or social space +[526.520 --> 533.000] here yeah you are getting triggered with the minimum specifications for a predator which is not the +[533.000 --> 540.120] full signal yeah half signal insufficient data when insufficient data your primitive brain defaults +[540.120 --> 546.200] to negatives I can't do a half smile yeah I can't do a t-tee smile either that's get out of my +[546.200 --> 553.640] territory yeah I bite so I need to narrow the eyes here which will cause wrinkles to happen here +[553.640 --> 561.240] I can't flash this signal to you either I can't just go like that we know that the smile must +[561.240 --> 568.040] build over three seconds and it must sustain for about three seconds otherwise it's insufficient data +[568.040 --> 572.840] and your primitive brain goes ah predator it doesn't get the full signal better be safe than sorry +[572.840 --> 578.120] the fight and flight system would rather judge me as a predator when I'm not and behave as if I'm +[578.120 --> 584.920] a predator just to be safe so if I can sustain this and build this over about three seconds narrow +[584.920 --> 591.480] those eyes and get that smile and get eye contact with some people they'll smile back at me +[592.680 --> 601.160] yeah there we go good that's good now what I add to this is called the eyebrow flash okay the eyebrows +[601.400 --> 609.640] flash up in fact sometimes I sustain it for a long time yeah and this is a universal signal for I +[609.640 --> 614.360] recognize you I know you're my friend you're a friend of the family you can do this walking down +[614.360 --> 622.200] the street you walk down a street like this and you go and literally it triggers their primitive +[622.200 --> 627.000] brain and they're like oh hey hey good to meet you when was it we last yeah no it was last week +[627.000 --> 631.800] wasn't it and yeah how are the kids and and after about five minutes they're like so where do I +[631.800 --> 638.600] know you from you like you don't bye bye well off you go fantastic you can try this here's the +[638.600 --> 645.480] really important one here's the really important one is I show you no tools no weapons empty hands it's +[645.480 --> 651.240] a universal signal okay for I come unarmed we're diss if Darwin was right we descendant from +[651.240 --> 658.040] ground-welling mammals as the forests of Africa receded during climate change yeah the planes +[658.040 --> 663.240] started to open up the ground-welling mammal decided I will stand upright didn't do it in a few +[663.240 --> 670.360] hours obviously took hundreds of thousands of years stood upright when it stood upright great it +[670.360 --> 674.920] had control of the hands now that's really useful I can be tactile I can manipulate the world around +[674.920 --> 680.920] me but also now my belly area with lots of soft delicate organs in is not protected by the +[680.920 --> 688.120] ground that means under stress I better protect that and if I'm not under stress if I'm not a predator +[688.120 --> 694.760] and you're not a predator then I display this area to you with no tools no weapons I call this +[694.760 --> 701.320] area the truth plane because this is where you'll get stimulated and triggered at an unconscious +[701.320 --> 710.680] level to choose me as being honest and truthful and good to be around and if I smile with that as +[710.680 --> 718.280] well and raise my eyebrows you all go mark could read the telephone directory to us because you +[718.280 --> 726.280] cherry pick the numbers that you were thought were great in it now at this point what people usually +[726.280 --> 737.720] start to think is actually mark I'm getting a little bit disappointed now yeah because you kind +[737.720 --> 753.320] of manipulating us aren't you yeah and yeah absolutely am and you say mark why can't you be honest +[754.280 --> 761.960] yeah why can't you just be truthful why can't you just be authentic with us you know Mark you've +[761.960 --> 769.640] got some great ideas just deliver them how you like build it and they will come well I'm telling you +[769.640 --> 779.000] they are not going to show up they're going to watch breaking bad yeah it's the final episode on Sunday +[779.000 --> 791.400] it's a good show it's a great show yeah and here's the thing if I was really authentic with you +[792.120 --> 801.560] right now and didn't use the behaviors that I've learnt and become highly skilled in in order to +[801.560 --> 808.040] become a good speaker around you if I don't use my countermeasures to the fight and flight system +[808.600 --> 815.000] as I'm I've decided not to do now you'll see I'm not a good speaker I'm just highly skilled in +[815.000 --> 823.000] technique in fact if if I were to be honest about this and authentic with you and by authentic I mean +[824.360 --> 830.040] that for me authenticity is you know what's good for you you know what's bad for you and you will +[830.040 --> 836.520] do what's good for you and right and feels right for you at an instinctual level regardless +[836.520 --> 843.160] because you want to be you you want to be you regardless of the prizes or punishments out there okay +[843.880 --> 850.600] if I was being truly authentic with you I would not show up for this I'm not joking that's +[850.600 --> 855.080] that's a reality I wake up in I do this professionally by the way so I've already done one of +[855.080 --> 860.280] these this morning for an hour and a half over in Niagara they put me on after Chris Hadfield +[863.960 --> 871.400] he's a Canadian Space Man national hero thanks for your programming I wake up in the morning +[871.400 --> 879.240] and I go the last thing I want to do at an instinctual gut level is to stand in front of a bunch +[879.240 --> 888.040] of people who I don't know who I have no data around because I can't see them and and put out +[888.040 --> 895.480] there my life's work in front of them for for them to criticize if they want to that's not what I +[895.480 --> 901.320] want to do and when I start to get that feeling if you really want to see the authentic me the +[901.320 --> 908.040] real me because build it and they will come when I start to get the feeling that you don't respect +[909.320 --> 917.960] the past has anybody here has anybody here written three books on body language and behavior I'll +[917.960 --> 930.600] just answer for you no so that you should judge me at all is stupidity on your part +[932.280 --> 940.360] this is the authentic me this is what I really feel and here's the reality your safe here because +[940.360 --> 950.200] you've got this stuff in front of you but if I came up close and showed you the real signals +[950.840 --> 957.080] of predator which are the real signals I want to display in front of this kind of large crowd +[957.400 --> 963.960] I guarantee you don't like me so much now do you so +[978.280 --> 979.560] this stuff works so well +[980.200 --> 989.880] so I choose my behaviors around you and I'm going to tell you again because what's coming up for me +[989.880 --> 998.280] is a really important message for you and if I act authentically honestly in front of you +[998.760 --> 1004.840] you're not going to listen to me and I hope you listen to this because it's really important +[1005.800 --> 1010.520] I want you to have a look around you right now that is in a piece of rhetoric I mean actually look +[1010.520 --> 1016.840] around you right now and and look at the back because there's lots of people here okay there's a lot +[1016.840 --> 1026.600] of you there's about a thousand of you here today understand this your design to be indifferent to +[1026.600 --> 1032.920] each other your design today to really just hang out with the people that you came with your spot +[1032.920 --> 1040.040] a few others who I like you your tribal members yeah oh pretty yeah nice yeah great isn't it +[1040.040 --> 1046.440] yeah but you've seen some people already today and they triggered predator in you enemy +[1046.440 --> 1057.000] and more important you know who they are yeah and you've also met some people today the majority +[1057.000 --> 1061.960] here and you don't know who they are you're indifferent to them and you're never going to +[1061.960 --> 1072.520] meet them and you've got a brilliant life-changing idea for you your family your your town your city +[1072.520 --> 1078.520] your world your universe and beyond that if you've got an intelligence wavy on mind which undoubtedly +[1078.520 --> 1089.560] together you certainly all have can't believe I said that you've got some brilliant ideas and +[1089.560 --> 1096.520] they've got some brilliant ideas but you're designed to be indifferent to each other so I'm +[1096.520 --> 1104.680] asking you today I'm challenging you and in fact I'm just going to beg you okay just going to +[1104.680 --> 1116.280] beg you I need you to be more inauthentic with each other today not just today tomorrow the day after +[1116.280 --> 1125.480] and for the rest of your life because if you don't choose behaviors beyond your natural instincts +[1125.480 --> 1132.760] for what you like and don't like you will miss brilliant opportunities in your life and if you +[1132.760 --> 1138.040] don't go up to somebody today who you know at a gut level you're indifferent to they hold nothing +[1138.040 --> 1142.920] for you your instinct you've smelled it you've tasted it you've seen it you've heard it you know +[1143.000 --> 1152.120] they are nobody if you don't go up to them today and act and perform like their friend +[1152.840 --> 1162.520] and ask them about their big idea and act and perform like you're listening you will miss +[1162.520 --> 1171.960] something that is going to change your life so I'm begging you to act anything else +[1172.520 --> 1182.920] but indifferent to the people around you today if I believe we could all be a little more +[1182.920 --> 1192.520] inauthentic with each other now and again we might find that we are so much more than what we +[1192.520 --> 1204.520] think we are we might find that we are so much more than we actually are because I truly believe +[1205.560 --> 1217.960] it isn't your innate ideas or abilities or behaviors or skills or position that defines or +[1217.960 --> 1238.360] has to define who you really are it can be the conscious choices that you make in spite of all of that +[1247.960 --> 1250.680] you diff --git a/transcript/TED_4TQETLZZmcM.txt b/transcript/TED_4TQETLZZmcM.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..87881ab758be7747bdc247d684de5668d4d3764b --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_4TQETLZZmcM.txt @@ -0,0 +1,164 @@ +[0.000 --> 29.000] The murder happened a little over 21 years ago. January the 18th, 1991. In a small bedroom +[29.000 --> 36.640] community of Linwood, California just a few miles southeast of Los Angeles. Father +[36.640 --> 42.800] came out his house to tell his teenage son and his five friends that it was +[42.800 --> 48.240] time for them to stop forcing around on the front lawn and on the sidewalk to +[48.240 --> 54.080] get home, finish their schoolwork, prepare themselves for bed. And as the +[54.080 --> 61.200] father was administering these instructions, a car drove by slowly and just +[61.200 --> 66.120] after it passed the father and the teenagers a hand went out from the front +[66.120 --> 76.040] passenger window and bam, bam, killing the father and the car sped off. The +[76.040 --> 82.400] police, investigating officers were amazingly efficient. They considered all the +[82.400 --> 88.240] usual culprits and in less than 24 hours they had selected their suspect. +[88.240 --> 93.800] Francisco Carillo, a 17-year-old kid who lived about two or three blocks away +[93.800 --> 100.160] from where the shooting occurred. They found photos of him, they prepared a +[100.160 --> 106.760] photo array and the day after the shooting they showed it to one of the teenagers +[106.800 --> 114.200] and he said that's the picture. That's the shooter I saw that killed the father. +[114.200 --> 122.400] That was all plenary hearing Judge had to listen to to bind Mr. Carillo over to +[122.400 --> 127.760] stand trial for her first degree murder. In the investigation that followed +[127.760 --> 133.920] before the actual trial, each of the other five teenagers was shown photographs, +[133.920 --> 139.540] the same photo array. The picture that we best can determine was probably the +[139.540 --> 142.560] one that they were shown the photo array is in your bottom left-hand corner of +[142.560 --> 151.160] these mug shots. The reason we're not sure absolutely is because of the nature of +[151.160 --> 156.560] evidence preservation in our judicial system but that's another whole TEDx +[156.560 --> 166.760] talk for later. So at the actual trial, all six of the teenagers testified and +[166.760 --> 174.400] indicated the identifications they had made in the photo array. He was convicted. +[174.400 --> 184.160] He was sentenced to life imprisonment and transported to Fulsom Prison. So what's +[184.160 --> 192.160] wrong? Straight forward, fair trial, full investigation. Oh yes, no gun was +[192.160 --> 198.940] ever found. No vehicle was ever identified as being the one in which the +[198.940 --> 204.320] shooter had extended his arm and no person was ever charged with being the +[204.320 --> 212.680] driver of the shooter's vehicle. And Mr. Carillo's alibi, which of those +[212.680 --> 219.040] parents here in the room might not lie concerning the whereabouts of your +[219.040 --> 225.660] son or daughter in an investigation of a killing. +[225.660 --> 234.200] Mr. Prison, adamantly insisting on his innocence, which he has consistently for 21 +[234.200 --> 242.120] years. So what's the problem? The problem is actually for this kind of case +[242.120 --> 250.560] come many fold from decades of scientific research involving human memory. +[250.560 --> 255.160] First of all, we have all the statistical analysis from the innocence project +[255.160 --> 262.760] work where we know that we have what 250, 280 documented cases now where people +[262.760 --> 267.460] have been wrongfully convicted and subsequently exonerated some from death +[267.460 --> 275.080] row on a basis of later DNA analysis. And you know that over three quarters of +[275.080 --> 282.520] all of those cases of exoneration involved only eyewitness identification +[282.520 --> 288.280] testimony during the trial that convicted them. We know that eyewitness +[288.280 --> 294.140] identification are followed. The other comes from an interesting aspect of +[294.140 --> 298.460] human memory. That's related to various brain functions, but I can sum up for +[298.460 --> 307.480] the sake of brevity here in a simple line. The brain abhors a vacuum. Under the +[307.480 --> 314.740] best of observation conditions, the absolute best, we only detect encode and +[314.740 --> 319.620] store in our brains bits and pieces of the entire experience in front of us. And +[320.020 --> 325.300] they're stored in different parts of the brain. So now when it's important for us to be +[325.300 --> 332.220] able to recall what it was that we experienced, we have an incomplete, we have a +[332.220 --> 340.300] partial store. And what happens below awareness with no requirement for any kind of +[340.300 --> 347.980] motivated processing, the brain fills in information that was not there, not +[347.980 --> 354.380] originally stored from inference, from speculation, from sources of information +[354.380 --> 359.780] that came to you as the observer after the observation. But it happens without +[359.780 --> 364.820] awareness such that you don't aren't even cognizant of occurring. It's called +[364.820 --> 370.480] reconstructed memories. It happens to us in all the aspects of our life, all the +[370.480 --> 375.940] time. It was those two considerations among others, reconstructed memory, the +[375.940 --> 380.940] fact about eyewitnessing of a fallibility. That was part of the +[380.940 --> 387.140] instigation for a group of appeal attorneys led by an amazing lawyer named Ellen +[387.140 --> 392.860] Eggers to pull their experience and their talents together and petition the +[392.860 --> 400.780] superior court for a retrial for Francisco Corille. They retained me as a +[400.780 --> 406.740] forensic neurophysiologist because I had expertise in eyewitness memory +[406.740 --> 412.180] identification, which obviously makes sense for this case. But also because I +[412.180 --> 419.500] had expertise and testify about the nature of human night vision. Well what's +[419.500 --> 425.540] that got to do with this? Well when you read through the case materials in this +[425.540 --> 430.700] Corille case, one of the things that suddenly strikes you is that the +[430.700 --> 436.320] investigating officers said the lighting was good at the crime scene, at the +[436.320 --> 442.400] shooting. All the teenagers testified during the trial that they could see very +[442.400 --> 450.420] well. But this occurred in mid-January in the Northern Hemisphere at 7 p.m. at +[450.420 --> 458.580] night. So when I do the calculations for the lunar data and the solar data at +[458.580 --> 464.540] that location on earth at the time of the incident of the shooting, it was well +[464.540 --> 469.020] passed the end of civil twilight and there was no moon up the night. So all the +[469.020 --> 471.860] light in this area from the center of the moon is what you see on the screen right +[471.860 --> 478.740] here. The only lighting in that area had to come from artificial sources and +[478.740 --> 483.360] that's where I go out and I do the actual reconstruction of the scene with +[483.360 --> 488.340] automators with various measures of illumination and various other measures of +[488.340 --> 494.460] color perception along with special cameras and high-speed film. Take all the +[494.460 --> 498.540] measurements and record them and then take photographs. And this is what the +[498.540 --> 501.940] scene looked like at the time of the shooting from the position of the +[501.940 --> 507.540] teenagers looking at the car going by and shooting. This is looking directly +[507.540 --> 512.700] across the street from where they were standing. Remember the investigating +[512.700 --> 516.900] officers report said the lighting was good. Teenagers said they could see very +[516.900 --> 525.740] well. This is looking down to the east where the shooting vehicle sped off. +[525.740 --> 532.500] And this is the lighting directly behind the father and the teenagers. As you +[532.500 --> 539.700] can see it is at best poor. No one's going to call this well lit good lighting. +[539.700 --> 544.620] And in fact as nice as these pictures are and the reason we take this I knew I was +[544.620 --> 549.540] going to have to testify in court and a picture is worth more than a thousand +[549.540 --> 554.020] words when you're trying to communicate numbers abstract concepts like +[554.020 --> 557.700] lots the international measurement of illumination, the Ishaahara color, +[557.700 --> 563.660] color perception test values. When you present those to people who are not well +[563.660 --> 568.220] versed in those aspects of science and that they become salamanders in the +[568.220 --> 571.620] new day sun. It's like talking about the tangent of the visual angle. +[571.620 --> 578.580] Their eyes just blaze over. A good forensic expert also has to be a good +[578.580 --> 582.260] educator. A good communicator. And that's part of the reason why we take the +[582.260 --> 586.340] pictures to show not only the where the light sources are and what we call the +[586.340 --> 592.340] light source. So these are some of the pictures that I used when I +[592.340 --> 596.340] testified. But more importantly where to me and the scientists are those readings, +[596.340 --> 602.340] the photometer readings which I can then convert into actual predictions of the visual +[602.340 --> 608.340] capability of the human eye under those circumstances. And from my readings that I recorded at the +[608.340 --> 614.340] scene under the same solar and lunar conditions at the same time so and so forth, I could predict +[614.340 --> 619.340] that there would be no reliable color perception which is crucial for face recognition and that +[619.340 --> 623.340] there would be only scotopic vision which mean there would be very little resolution +[623.340 --> 628.340] what we call boundary or edge detection. And that furthermore because the eyes would have been +[628.340 --> 633.340] totally dilated under this picture, I would say that the first thing I would say was that +[634.340 --> 638.340] the edge detection and that furthermore because the eyes would have been totally dilated under +[638.340 --> 643.340] this light, the depth of field, the distance at which you can focus and see details, +[643.340 --> 653.340] would have been less than 18 inches away. I testified to that to the court and while the judge was +[653.340 --> 659.340] very attentive it had been a very very long hearing for this petition for a retrial. +[659.340 --> 666.340] And as a result I noticed out of the corner my eye that I thought that maybe the judge was +[666.340 --> 673.340] going to need a little more of a nudge than just more numbers. And here I became a bit adacious +[673.340 --> 681.340] and I turned and I asked the judge, I said, Geronner, I think you should go out and look at the +[681.340 --> 688.340] scene yourself. Now I may have used the tone which was more like a dare than a request. +[688.340 --> 695.340] But nonetheless it's to this man's credit and his courage that he said, yes I will, +[695.340 --> 702.340] a shocker in American jurisprudence. So in fact we found the same identical +[702.340 --> 707.340] convictions, we reconstructed the entire thing again. He came out with an entire brigade +[707.340 --> 714.340] of sheriff's officers to protect him in this community. +[714.340 --> 721.340] We had him stand actually slightly in the street. So closer to the suspect vehicle, +[721.340 --> 727.340] the shooter vehicle, then the actual teenagers were. So he stood a few feet from the curb +[727.340 --> 735.340] toward the middle of the street. We had a car that came by, same identical car as +[735.340 --> 742.340] described by the teenagers. It had a driver and a passenger and after the car had passed +[742.340 --> 750.340] the judge by, the passenger extended his hand, pointed it back to the judge as the +[750.340 --> 757.340] car continued on just as the teenagers had described it. Now we didn't use a real gun in his hand. +[757.340 --> 761.340] So we had a black object in his hand that was similar to the gun that was described. +[761.340 --> 768.340] He pointed by, and this is what the judge saw. This is the car 30 feet away from the +[768.340 --> 775.340] judge. There's an arm sticking out of the passenger's side and pointed back at you. +[775.340 --> 781.340] That's 30 feet away. Somebody at the age of 10 said that in fact the car was 15 feet away +[781.340 --> 790.340] when it was shot. Okay. There's 15 feet. At this point I became a little concerned. +[790.340 --> 797.340] This judge is someone you never want to play poker with. He was totally stoic. +[797.340 --> 803.340] I couldn't see a twitch of his eyebrow. I couldn't see the slightest bend of his head. +[803.340 --> 809.340] I had no sense of how he was reacting to this. And after he looked at this reenactment, +[809.340 --> 814.340] he turned to me and he says, is there anything else you want me to look at? +[814.340 --> 821.340] I said, Your Honor, and I don't know whether I was emboldened by the scientific measurements +[821.340 --> 827.340] that I had in my pocket and my knowledge that they are accurate or whether it was just sheer stupidity, +[827.340 --> 833.340] which is what the defense lawyers thought. When they heard me say, yes, Your Honor, +[833.340 --> 838.340] I want you to stand right there. I want the car to go around the block again. +[838.340 --> 847.340] I want it to come and I want it to stop right in front of you, three to four feet away. +[847.340 --> 852.340] I want the passenger to extend his hand with a black object to point right at you +[852.340 --> 862.340] and you can look at it as long as you want. And that's what he saw. +[862.340 --> 867.340] You'll notice, which was also in my test report, all the dominant lighting +[867.340 --> 871.340] is coming from the north side, which means that the shooter's face would have been photo occluded, +[871.340 --> 877.340] would have been backlit. Furthermore, the roof of the car is causing what we call a shadow cloud +[877.340 --> 887.340] inside the car, which is making it darker. And this is three to four feet away. +[887.340 --> 893.340] Why did I take the risk? I knew the depth of field was 18 inches or less. +[893.340 --> 900.340] Three to four feet in might as well have been a football field away. +[900.340 --> 908.340] This is what he saw. Went back. There was a few more days of evidence that was heard at the end of it. +[908.340 --> 913.340] He made the judgment that he was going to grant the petition for retrial. +[913.340 --> 919.340] And furthermore, he released Mr. Carillo so that he could aid in the preparation of his own defense +[919.340 --> 927.340] if the prosecution decided to retry him, which they decided not to. +[927.340 --> 942.340] He is now a freed man. This is him embracing his grandmother in law. +[942.340 --> 946.340] His girlfriend was pregnant when he went to trial. +[946.340 --> 960.340] And she had a baby boy. He and his son are both attending Cal State Long Beach right now taking classes. +[960.340 --> 968.340] What does this example? What's important to keep in mind for ourselves? +[968.340 --> 975.340] First of all, there's a long history of antipathy between science and the law in American jurisprudence. +[975.340 --> 983.340] I could regale you with horror stories of ignorance. Over decades of experience as a forensic expert, +[983.340 --> 993.340] of just trying to get science into the courtroom, the opposing council always fight it and oppose it. +[993.340 --> 1002.340] One suggestion is that all of us become much more attuned to the necessity through policy, through procedures, +[1002.340 --> 1012.340] to get more science in the courtroom. And I think one large step toward that is more requirements with all due respect to the law schools. +[1012.340 --> 1022.340] Of science, technology, engineering, mathematics, for anyone going into the law because they become the judges. +[1022.340 --> 1029.340] Think about how we select our judges in this country. It's very different than most other cultures. +[1029.340 --> 1035.340] The only one I want to suggest, the caution that all of us have to have. I constantly, through my myself, +[1035.340 --> 1044.340] about just how accurate are the memories that we know are true, that we believe in. +[1044.340 --> 1055.340] There is decades of research, examples and examples of cases like this, where individuals really, really believe. +[1055.340 --> 1061.340] One of those teenagers who identified here, thought that they were picking the wrong person. +[1061.340 --> 1070.340] None of them thought they couldn't see the person's face. We all have to be very careful. All our memories are reconstructed memories. +[1070.340 --> 1077.340] They are the product of what we originally experienced and everything that's happened afterwards. They're dynamic. +[1077.340 --> 1085.340] They're malleable. They're volatile. And as a result, we all need to remember to be cautious. +[1085.340 --> 1096.340] That the accuracy of our memories is not measured in how vivid they are, nor how certain you are that they're correct. +[1096.340 --> 1098.340] Thank you. diff --git a/transcript/TED_4jwUXV4QaTw.txt b/transcript/TED_4jwUXV4QaTw.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..a8f6d859c292c049ed154a4d6cc38aed50f9666b --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_4jwUXV4QaTw.txt @@ -0,0 +1,273 @@ +[0.000 --> 5.160] Nonverbels are anything that communicates but is not a word. +[5.160 --> 8.500] The public knows them as body language. +[8.500 --> 12.600] How we dress, how we walk, have meaning, +[12.600 --> 17.800] and we use that to interpret what's in the mind of the person. +[17.800 --> 30.200] My name is Joan Avaro and for 25 years I was a special agent with the FBI. +[30.200 --> 33.200] My job was to catch spies. +[33.200 --> 37.200] Most of my career I spent within the National Security Division. +[37.200 --> 42.200] A lot of it had to do with looking at specific targets and then it was about, +[42.200 --> 45.800] how do we get in their heads and how do we neutralize them. +[45.800 --> 48.800] Our security is based on nonverbels. +[48.800 --> 51.200] We look at the person through the people. +[51.200 --> 54.700] We look at who's behind us at the ATM machine. +[54.700 --> 60.200] We know from the research that most of us select our mates based on nonverbels. +[60.200 --> 66.700] So we may think we're very sophisticated but in fact we are never in a state +[66.700 --> 69.700] where we're not transmitting information. +[69.700 --> 72.700] There's a lot of myths out there. +[72.800 --> 78.600] The ones that stand out is if you cross your arms that it's a blocking behavior. +[78.600 --> 80.100] That's just nonsense. +[80.100 --> 83.300] Even when you don't like the person that is in front of you, +[83.300 --> 84.900] this isn't to block them out. +[84.900 --> 88.300] It's actually to self-suit because in essence it's a self-hug. +[88.300 --> 91.900] When you're sitting at a movie and you're watching, you're going to cross your arms. +[91.900 --> 93.400] You're waiting for somebody. +[93.400 --> 94.800] You tend to do this. +[94.800 --> 99.100] What's interesting is we do this behavior more in public than in private. +[99.100 --> 104.000] The other one that really stands out is as we think about something, +[104.000 --> 106.200] we may look in a certain way. +[106.200 --> 109.700] As we process the information, we may look in another way. +[109.700 --> 114.400] It's certainly not indicative of deception and it really shouldn't be used that way. +[114.400 --> 117.700] All we can say is the person is processing the information. +[117.700 --> 121.700] The other misconceptions are that if the person clears or throats, +[121.700 --> 125.200] touches their nose or covers their mouth, they're lying. +[125.300 --> 129.000] We do these behaviors as self-suthers. +[129.000 --> 134.400] They're pacifying behaviors scientifically and empirically. +[134.400 --> 136.600] There's just no Pinocchio effect. +[136.600 --> 138.800] And people who prattle that and say, +[138.800 --> 144.600] well, we can detect deception because the person touches their nose or covers their mouth. +[144.600 --> 146.100] That's just sheer nonsense. +[146.100 --> 150.300] We humans are lousy at detecting deception. +[150.400 --> 155.200] Espionage work is often nowhere near what we see in movies. +[155.200 --> 159.900] And in one of the cases, we had information from another country saying, +[159.900 --> 166.900] you have an American we think is actually a mole who somehow entered the United States +[166.900 --> 169.300] is able to pass as an American, +[169.300 --> 172.900] but he's here working for a hostile intelligence service. +[172.900 --> 175.400] And just fortuitously, +[175.400 --> 179.600] he was videographed coming out of a flower shop. +[179.600 --> 183.700] We're looking at the video and everybody in our small unit, +[183.700 --> 185.700] we were saying, well, there's not much there. +[185.700 --> 188.400] He's coming out of the shop, getting in his car. +[188.400 --> 191.000] And I said, stop the film right there. +[191.000 --> 194.200] Just as he came out of the shop, he took the flowers. +[194.200 --> 198.400] And most Americans tend to hold the flowers by the stock +[198.400 --> 200.200] so that the flowers are up. +[200.200 --> 205.900] This individual took them and grabbed the stock and then held the flowers +[205.900 --> 207.900] so that they were facing down. +[208.000 --> 211.000] And I said, that's how they carry flowers in Eastern Europe. +[211.000 --> 214.800] Rather than confront him about, are you a spy? +[214.800 --> 217.500] I decided to do what's called a presumptive. +[217.500 --> 222.400] So as I sat there with him, I said, would you like to know how we know? +[222.400 --> 226.800] And he had this look on his face and I said, it was the flowers. +[226.800 --> 229.800] And then he confessed. +[229.800 --> 231.800] When I came into law enforcement, +[231.800 --> 235.100] I thought it was all about the confession. +[235.100 --> 237.100] It's really about FaceTime. +[237.100 --> 243.800] In my 25 years in the FBI, it was a rarity that a person +[243.800 --> 248.900] didn't eventually reveal what I needed to know +[248.900 --> 256.000] because we would sit down and have these very lengthy conversations. +[256.000 --> 259.500] I look at behaviors to do an assessment. +[259.500 --> 264.000] What is this person transmitting in relations to any stimuli? +[264.000 --> 270.500] My further questioning comes from my observing these behaviors. +[270.500 --> 273.100] The first thing I look at is I look at the hair. +[273.100 --> 274.400] Does it look healthy? +[274.400 --> 276.100] Does it look well groomed? +[276.100 --> 281.200] The forehead is very interesting because a lot of times we reveal stress. +[281.200 --> 286.000] A lot of the things that we have gone through life are often etched in the forehead. +[286.000 --> 289.800] I look at the eyes to see if they're red or not enough sleep. +[289.800 --> 293.700] The small area here between the eyes called the globella. +[293.700 --> 297.800] It's one of the first areas that reveals information to us. +[297.800 --> 300.600] Most often when we don't like something, +[300.600 --> 303.600] we do that bunny nose of I don't like. +[303.600 --> 306.600] We don't really know what our lips look like. +[306.600 --> 310.200] And we tend to compress them when something bothers us, +[310.200 --> 313.600] when something really bothers us, we tend to suck them in. +[313.600 --> 316.000] The mandibula and look at the cheeks. +[316.000 --> 317.500] We may do something like this. +[317.500 --> 323.100] We'll rub our tongue against the inside of the cheek. +[323.200 --> 325.000] But when we try to hide it, +[325.000 --> 329.500] then it tells me that this person is trying to do some perception management. +[329.500 --> 331.600] And if they are, I want to know why. +[331.600 --> 334.500] At the neck, I want to see if there's any head tilt. +[334.500 --> 337.200] Because head tilt, the person is more relaxed. +[337.200 --> 339.200] The minute the head tilt goes away, +[339.200 --> 340.900] there's usually some issue. +[340.900 --> 342.700] I'm looking at the shoulders. +[342.700 --> 344.500] You ask somebody a question and they don't know, +[344.500 --> 346.700] both shoulders shoot up very quickly. +[346.700 --> 348.700] And then I look at the hands. +[348.700 --> 350.500] When something's troubling us, +[350.500 --> 353.900] we tend to stiffen our fingers, interlace them, +[353.900 --> 356.400] and almost like a teepee, +[356.400 --> 361.000] we move our hands back and forth very slowly. +[361.000 --> 365.600] This is to be differentiated from when we do the steeple, +[365.600 --> 367.500] which we do in this position. +[367.500 --> 369.200] When something's at issue, +[369.200 --> 371.700] we tend to put our hands on our hips +[371.700 --> 374.000] and we become very territorial. +[374.000 --> 375.900] This is called arms a Kimbo. +[375.900 --> 378.000] But look how it changes. +[378.100 --> 380.400] When we put our thumbs forward, +[380.400 --> 384.000] and then it becomes one of more of, I'm inquisitive. +[384.000 --> 388.600] But I also look for any behaviors of ventilating, +[388.600 --> 391.700] because men tend to ventilate at the neck, +[391.700 --> 395.200] and we do at the very instant something bothers us. +[395.200 --> 399.500] And then I look at the legs to see if there's any brushing +[399.500 --> 401.600] of the legs with the hands, +[401.600 --> 404.300] which is again, to pacify. +[404.300 --> 407.600] And then the feet do I see any behaviors +[407.600 --> 411.200] such as wiggling of the feet, kicking of the feet. +[411.200 --> 414.400] If I ask a question and all of a sudden the feet with draw +[414.400 --> 417.400] in our cross, perhaps the person feels a little threatened +[417.400 --> 418.400] by that question. +[418.400 --> 420.100] So when we study nonverbals, +[420.100 --> 422.900] it's not about making judgments, +[422.900 --> 426.800] it's about assessing what is this person transmitting +[426.800 --> 427.800] in that moment. +[429.900 --> 433.800] It really is looking at an individual and saying, +[433.800 --> 435.600] what are they transmitting? +[435.700 --> 438.400] We're all transmitting at all times. +[438.400 --> 441.200] We choose the clothes that we wear, +[441.200 --> 444.200] how we groom ourselves, how we dress, +[444.200 --> 446.400] but also how do we carry ourselves? +[446.400 --> 449.800] Are we coming to the office on this particular day +[449.800 --> 451.000] with a lot of energy, +[451.000 --> 454.700] or are we coming in with a different sort of pace? +[454.700 --> 458.000] And what we look for are differences in behavior +[458.000 --> 463.100] down to the minutia of what is this individual's posture +[463.100 --> 465.400] as they're walking down the street, +[465.500 --> 467.800] are they on the inside of the sidewalk, +[467.800 --> 469.000] on the outside? +[469.000 --> 470.800] Can we see his blink rate? +[470.800 --> 473.800] Can we see how often he's looking at his watch? +[473.800 --> 477.200] I know your blink rate is around eight times a minute, +[477.200 --> 478.200] but you don't know that. +[478.200 --> 480.200] You're not sitting there counting. +[480.200 --> 483.200] All these things factor in because they're transmitting +[483.200 --> 484.200] information. +[484.200 --> 488.400] Now it's up to us to then use that information to say, +[488.400 --> 490.900] okay, we need to marshal resources +[490.900 --> 493.600] to be on that individual right now. +[496.200 --> 505.800] So in most Western cultures, +[505.800 --> 509.800] the first time people touch is when they shake hands. +[509.800 --> 512.700] Touching becomes that important +[512.700 --> 514.600] because we can always remember a time +[514.600 --> 517.800] when we shook hands with someone and we didn't like that. +[517.800 --> 522.200] It's also the first time when our bodies release +[522.700 --> 525.800] bonding chemicals that say I like this person +[525.800 --> 527.300] or I don't like this person. +[527.300 --> 532.600] So hand shaking is both necessary and essential +[532.600 --> 533.600] in most cultures. +[540.600 --> 542.600] Ladies, hi, I'm Joe Navarro. +[542.600 --> 543.400] Joe, I'm Laura. +[543.400 --> 544.400] Laura, how are you? +[544.400 --> 545.600] And you are? +[545.600 --> 547.000] Katisha, how are you? +[547.000 --> 548.000] Okay. +[548.000 --> 549.600] Let me ask you this. +[549.600 --> 551.000] Let's back up a little bit. +[552.800 --> 554.600] Is this comfortable for you? +[554.600 --> 555.400] Yes. +[555.400 --> 556.600] Yeah. +[556.600 --> 558.600] It's a little bit more comfortable. +[558.600 --> 560.200] But it's not for you, is it? +[560.200 --> 561.200] No. +[561.200 --> 562.000] All right. +[562.000 --> 562.800] Thank you. +[562.800 --> 563.400] All right. +[563.400 --> 564.800] So keep talking. +[566.400 --> 569.900] What we've done here is we've talked about the importance +[569.900 --> 572.400] of space and comfort. +[572.400 --> 576.200] They don't realize is how much further apart they are now +[576.200 --> 581.600] standing and it's because we have brought this subject up +[581.600 --> 585.200] to make them comfortable about saying, hey, +[585.200 --> 589.400] it's okay to be comfortable at your perfect distance. +[589.400 --> 594.200] And so now we see when they rock, they rock away from each other +[594.200 --> 597.200] and they create this space. +[597.200 --> 601.900] If you notice, their feet tend to move around more. +[601.900 --> 607.000] There's a dynamic going on here where they're kind of +[607.000 --> 609.700] trying to find, well, what is the perfect space? +[609.700 --> 611.700] What is the perfect distance? +[611.700 --> 614.900] And we know that they're unsettled because of the high +[614.900 --> 617.900] degree of movement that's going on. +[623.300 --> 625.200] Poker is an interesting game. +[625.200 --> 630.100] The similitudes of sitting across from a spy or sitting across +[630.100 --> 634.900] from players, it's their reactions to a stimulus. +[634.900 --> 639.900] We have behaviors indicative of psychological discomfort +[639.900 --> 645.300] that we use at home, at work, or at the poker table. +[645.300 --> 648.100] So we're going to take a look at poker players and some of +[648.100 --> 653.100] the body language that you'll find at a typical poker game. +[653.100 --> 653.600] All right. +[653.600 --> 655.600] All right. +[655.600 --> 659.600] So we'll pause it right there. +[659.600 --> 663.300] So one of the things that you first notice is that when a +[663.300 --> 666.700] table is called, this is the first time many of them see +[666.700 --> 667.700] each other. +[667.700 --> 672.100] This is a great opportunity to be looking for behaviors +[672.100 --> 674.100] indicative of discomfort. +[674.100 --> 677.200] We're going to see the individual shifting in his chair. +[677.200 --> 680.700] We're going to see one individual reaching over and +[680.700 --> 682.300] grabbing his shoulder. +[682.300 --> 686.100] The woman in this case, her shoulders are rather high. +[686.100 --> 689.300] This is a great opportunity, even before the game starts to +[689.300 --> 692.200] collect poker intelligence. +[692.600 --> 693.600] All right, guys. +[693.600 --> 695.600] What is good? +[695.600 --> 697.600] So we'll stop right there. +[697.600 --> 699.600] Look where their hands are at. +[699.600 --> 702.400] Here we're looking at player number two and number three. +[702.400 --> 706.400] And we notice right away that their hands are on top of the cards. +[706.400 --> 708.700] Some players will cage their cards. +[708.700 --> 712.200] Some players will put their hands directly on top and press +[712.200 --> 713.000] them down. +[713.000 --> 717.000] And they may do that because the cards have now increased in value. +[717.000 --> 720.000] Player number one tends to keep his hands very close to his +[720.000 --> 720.900] body. +[720.900 --> 725.100] Player number four, she's actually withdrawn her hands from the +[725.100 --> 729.000] table because when we like things, we tend to move our hands +[729.000 --> 729.900] forward. +[729.900 --> 734.000] When we don't like things, we tend to move the hands away. +[734.000 --> 735.800] Guys, only cards. +[735.800 --> 739.000] So as we look at player number three, I'm often asked about +[739.000 --> 741.800] players who shuffle their chips. +[741.800 --> 744.600] What you're really doing is self-suiting. +[744.600 --> 747.400] And this just helps you to make it through the game. +[747.400 --> 750.800] And that's really all we're looking for. +[750.800 --> 752.600] Oh, come on. +[752.600 --> 755.200] OK, so we'll stop right there. +[755.200 --> 758.400] Player number five is sitting there, arms crossed. +[758.400 --> 760.400] You don't see a lot of activity. +[760.400 --> 763.900] That doesn't mean he's not transmitting a lot of information. +[763.900 --> 768.400] On down the line, I want to see where those thumbs of his are +[768.400 --> 772.400] because he holds them very close when nothing's going on. +[772.400 --> 776.000] But does that change as the game evolves? +[776.000 --> 777.300] If you're looking at non-verbals, it's +[777.300 --> 780.700] often useful to look at them at double the speed because all +[780.700 --> 784.200] the non-verbals that are critical jump out at you as though +[784.200 --> 786.200] it were a caricature. +[786.200 --> 790.800] All right, so stop right there. +[790.800 --> 794.300] The woman in position number four, you see her head moving +[794.300 --> 795.800] around quite a bit. +[795.800 --> 800.400] Player number three, you see a lot of activity with his hands. +[800.400 --> 804.400] When we look at player number five, now his hands are fully +[804.400 --> 805.000] out. +[805.000 --> 808.400] This is as far as we've seen them before. +[808.400 --> 811.200] At this point, we know that he's engaged and that he's +[811.200 --> 812.700] interested. +[812.700 --> 815.400] Now, the game is out in the open. +[815.400 --> 820.300] 75% to 80% of the information we need is sitting out there. +[820.300 --> 823.500] What you often see is everybody's looking at their own cards +[823.500 --> 827.100] or looking at the community cards rather than looking around. +[827.100 --> 830.200] You should be looking around to see what was the reaction +[830.200 --> 833.700] because you're going to see that reaction again. +[833.700 --> 838.100] In poker, we used to say that you can have a poker face, +[838.100 --> 841.700] but I encountered you can't have a poker body. +[841.700 --> 846.100] Somewhere, it's going to be revealed. +[846.100 --> 850.200] When I was in college in the early 70s, there were really no +[850.200 --> 853.200] courses on non-verbal communications. +[853.200 --> 857.400] You quickly realize that to a great extent, it's really about +[857.400 --> 859.600] what you can interpret from behavior. +[859.600 --> 863.100] And so we talk about non-verbels because it matters, +[863.100 --> 866.100] because it has gravitas, because it affects how we +[866.100 --> 867.600] communicate with each other. +[867.600 --> 871.600] When it comes to non-verbels, this is no small matter. +[871.600 --> 877.600] We primarily communicate non-verbaly, and we always will. diff --git a/transcript/TED_79HMPQj55yc.txt b/transcript/TED_79HMPQj55yc.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..8ddd3129f08be85436dd7ff7ac0c185dd14efb9a --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_79HMPQj55yc.txt @@ -0,0 +1,57 @@ +[0.000 --> 8.000] I have autism spectrum disorder. +[8.000 --> 13.000] No, I have not washed rain man or the big bang theory. +[13.000 --> 22.000] Unfortunately, I cannot calculate 11,275 minus 3333 in my head. +[22.000 --> 29.000] But I can name all the world's capitals, and also at 7,942. +[30.000 --> 39.000] Autism is typically characterized by restrictive and repetitive behaviors, sensory difficulties, and a perceived lack of social skills. +[39.000 --> 45.000] People with autism can struggle, but we can also contribute positively to the world. +[45.000 --> 53.000] Every person on the spectrum is different, and our experiences cannot and should not be summed into a single narrative. +[54.000 --> 64.000] However, my experience as an autistic person has led me to believe that we have the potential to teach the valuable lessons on a cornerstone of modern society. +[64.000 --> 66.000] Communication. +[66.000 --> 71.000] Imagine for a moment the typical autistic caricature we often see portrayed in media. +[71.000 --> 74.000] Sheldon Cooper, for example. +[74.000 --> 87.000] You might dismiss Sheldon as a smart but awkward side character, but Sheldon and the rest of us with ASD actually have a lot to issue about becoming a better communicator. +[87.000 --> 102.000] A commonly recognized trait among individuals on the spectrum is our ability to see things as they are, but one of the most significant misconceptions about individuals on the spectrum is that we are often deficient in our ability to communicate. +[102.000 --> 110.000] We are often seen as poor communicators, either lacking social graces or completely incapable of expressing ourselves. +[110.000 --> 123.000] But while social reciprocity may look different in individuals on the spectrum, it is also true that our communication style is direct and coherent, to an extent that is often unheard of in neurotypical society. +[123.000 --> 131.000] A commonly recognized trait among individuals on the spectrum is our ability to see the world as it is, rather than as we want it to be. +[131.000 --> 138.000] An example of this unique perspective came when I was four years old and my family took a trip to an amusement park. +[138.000 --> 151.000] Walking past the loud and colorful rides, a neurotypical child might have heard screaming from the roller coaster and thought, wow, this ride is going to be so fun. That was not my thought. +[152.000 --> 160.000] Instead, I asked my parents, why are all those kids screaming on the roller coaster? Shouldn't they be enjoying it? +[160.000 --> 171.000] Interestingly, individuals on the spectrum are also less likely to communicate or act based on gut feelings, which reduces bias and improves efficiency when problem solving. +[172.000 --> 179.000] In fact, research has shown that individuals on the spectrum are less susceptible to reasoning biases such as the framing effect. +[179.000 --> 187.000] We are less impacted by the way information is presented, so we are quick to understand the underlying meaning being conveyed. +[187.000 --> 199.000] Thus, we are often, but not always, able to remain logical even during emotional situations, which is a valuable skill when navigating complex communication. +[200.000 --> 208.000] Just not when the lights are too bright or the TV is too loud or a socks are too itchy or there are crumbs on the table or the inside of the car smells just a little bit weird. +[210.000 --> 219.000] So let's take a look at some communication styles in action. Imagine this scenario. A parent asked their child to wash the dirty dishes. +[219.000 --> 223.000] The child, as children often do, asks why. +[223.000 --> 230.000] The parent responds with the classic 1950s parenting response, because I told you so. +[230.000 --> 238.000] Now, we have a confused child, a frustrated parent, and a pile of dirty dishes. +[238.000 --> 244.000] What if the parent did instead use a more autistic approach to communication? +[244.000 --> 250.000] Each change might play out differently. This time, when the child asks why, the parent might respond with, +[250.000 --> 260.000] well, we all have to contribute to keeping the kitchen clean. If dishes don't get done, they might smell bad, and we might not have dishes to use for dinner tomorrow. +[260.000 --> 266.000] The parent clearly expresses the reasons the task needs to be done, and generates a common goal. +[266.000 --> 277.000] The child leaves the exchange understanding expectations, and the parent leaves the exchange having communicated effectively, and with freshly cleaned dishes. +[278.000 --> 294.000] Autistic people show us that there is a better way to communicate, and a way to avoid communication failures that are all too common, from disagreements over the dishes to a piece seismic miscommunications and hostilities that exist in our political world. +[294.000 --> 305.000] Imagine a world in which politicians establish common goals, communicate directly, and operate from a place of logic and understanding, rather than evotion. +[305.000 --> 314.000] But before we get too serious about politics in our country, there is one final lesson in communication that we can learn from the autistic brain. +[314.000 --> 317.000] We are hilarious. +[319.000 --> 324.000] Be impeccable, autistic sense of humor likely comes from our unique worldview. +[324.000 --> 333.000] What sub-may view as innocence or naivety is actually just our ability to see the world as it is, rather than as we want it to be. +[333.000 --> 339.000] We don't take ourselves or anything else too seriously because we view things literally. +[339.000 --> 348.000] This gives us a sense of awe and humor that is often lost in neurotypical adulthood, and is rarely present in adult interactions. +[348.000 --> 354.000] I myself happen to live with one men apostle and two pubertal females. +[355.000 --> 367.000] When conversations revolve around undesirable waistlines, I frequently interject to remind everyone that at a post-issue protects our internal organs and keeps us warm. +[367.000 --> 370.000] That is dear to hell. +[372.000 --> 379.000] And Harry Styles probably prefers his girlfriends alive rather than hypothermic. +[379.000 --> 385.000] However, it is essential that society learns to laugh with autistic people rather than at us. +[385.000 --> 390.000] We are frequently infantilized as a result of our unique approach to communication. +[390.000 --> 400.000] Individuals on the spectrum tend to be life-long learners who retain a strong sense of wonder into adulthood, in part due to our can see to form intense special interests. +[401.000 --> 410.000] But what relegates awe and wonder to being exclusively childlike traits? And why do I still get offered kids menus at restaurants? +[411.000 --> 418.000] Our approach to communication is invaluable in times that are often a little too serious for our own good. +[419.000 --> 429.000] Autistic people show the world that we can retain levity and passion into our adult lives, and that these traits are not childlike and do not need to be stamped out. +[429.000 --> 433.000] Rather, they are care of d'Ristics to foster. +[433.000 --> 442.000] Sheldon and the rest of us with ASD can benefit our communities by modeling direct, logic-driven communication and humor. +[443.000 --> 454.000] We are not emotionless or robotic. We are your funny aunt, your picky uncle, and your quirky kid. And we have a lot to contribute. +[454.000 --> 463.000] So next time your child asks why they have to do the dishes, or your co-workers, then they simultaneously vague yet extremely detailed email. +[464.000 --> 476.000] Chamble your inner autistic and add clarity to the situation. At the very least you will have facilitated a more honest, direct and logical connection. +[476.000 --> 482.000] And maybe, just maybe, the dishes will get done. diff --git a/transcript/TED_8S0FDjFBj8o.txt b/transcript/TED_8S0FDjFBj8o.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..09a20f4ecfa0f1d9f9f34fa71c03e2d2fc18d50f --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_8S0FDjFBj8o.txt @@ -0,0 +1,100 @@ +[0.000 --> 22.200] Here that? +[22.200 --> 25.000] That's nothing. +[25.000 --> 30.400] Which is what I, as a speaker at today's conference, have for you all. +[30.400 --> 32.400] I have nothing. +[32.400 --> 33.400] Nada. +[33.400 --> 34.400] Zip. +[34.400 --> 35.400] Zilch. +[35.400 --> 36.400] Zippo. +[36.400 --> 39.500] Nothing smart. +[39.500 --> 40.700] Nothing inspirational. +[40.700 --> 43.720] Nothing even remotely researched at all. +[43.720 --> 47.400] I have absolutely nothing to say whatsoever. +[47.400 --> 53.400] And yet through my manner of speaking, I will make it seem like I do. +[53.400 --> 56.100] Like what I am saying is brilliant. +[56.100 --> 63.000] And maybe, just maybe, you will feel like you've learned something. +[63.000 --> 65.300] Now I'm going to get started with the opening. +[65.300 --> 67.100] I'm going to make a lot of hand gestures. +[67.100 --> 68.400] I'm going to do this with my right hand. +[68.400 --> 69.600] I'm going to do this with my left. +[69.600 --> 72.100] I'm going to adjust my glasses. +[72.100 --> 73.800] And then I'm going to ask you all a question. +[73.800 --> 78.800] By show of hands, how many of you all have been asked a question before? +[78.800 --> 79.800] Okay, great. +[79.800 --> 80.800] I'm seeing some hands. +[80.800 --> 83.600] I'm seeing some hands. +[83.600 --> 88.400] Now I'm going to react to that and act like I'm telling you a personal anecdote. +[88.400 --> 90.400] Something to break the tension. +[90.400 --> 93.000] Something to endure myself a little bit. +[93.000 --> 98.600] Something kind of embarrassing. +[98.600 --> 101.800] And you guys are going to make an all-sound. +[101.800 --> 102.800] It's true. +[102.800 --> 105.600] It really happened. +[105.600 --> 107.800] And now I'm going to bring it to a broader point. +[107.800 --> 110.400] I'm going to really back in. +[110.400 --> 112.600] I'm going to make it intellectual. +[112.600 --> 115.300] I'm going to bring it to this man right here. +[115.300 --> 118.400] Now, what this man did was important. +[118.400 --> 121.600] I'm sure. +[121.600 --> 124.600] But I for one have no idea who he is. +[124.600 --> 128.400] I simply Google image the word, scientist. +[128.400 --> 131.700] And now you see, I'd like it to seem like I'm making points. +[131.700 --> 135.500] Building an argument, inspiring you to change your life. +[135.500 --> 141.100] When in reality, this is just me buying time. +[141.100 --> 144.000] Now, if you don't believe me, let's take a look at the numbers. +[144.000 --> 146.900] This is a real thing that's happening right now. +[146.900 --> 150.700] The number of talks that I'm giving is one. +[150.700 --> 151.400] Interesting facts. +[151.400 --> 155.000] And part of thus far, instead of talk, well, that's going to be a zero. +[155.000 --> 159.600] My height in inches is 70.5, note the point five there. +[159.600 --> 161.200] Two times six equals 12. +[161.200 --> 164.000] And then interestingly enough, six times two also equals 12. +[164.000 --> 166.800] That's math. +[166.800 --> 170.100] 352 is a three-digit number. +[170.100 --> 171.400] One, two, three, four, five. +[171.400 --> 176.700] And then almost immediately following that, we get 678910. +[176.700 --> 180.300] Now to add more filler here, I'm going to give you a couple more numbers to consider. +[180.300 --> 193.900] 18, 237, 5,601, 2.6 million, 4, 4, 24, staggering. +[194.900 --> 198.200] These are real numbers, all of them. +[198.200 --> 200.300] And to follow that up, let's take a look at some graphs. +[200.300 --> 206.400] Now, if you take a look at this pie chart, what you're going to see is that the majority far exceeds the minority. +[206.400 --> 208.400] Everybody see that? +[208.400 --> 209.800] Cool, isn't it? +[209.800 --> 214.200] And let's take a look at this bar graph because it shows similarly irrelevant data. +[214.200 --> 219.200] Now, I'm doing this because I'd like to make it seem like I've done my homework. +[219.200 --> 222.700] If you were watching this on YouTube with the sound off, you might think, +[222.700 --> 227.100] huh, okay, this guy knows what he's talking about. +[227.100 --> 228.900] But I don't. +[228.900 --> 231.600] I'm floundering, panicking, I've got nothing. +[231.600 --> 233.600] I'm a total and utter phony. +[233.600 --> 235.200] But you know what? +[235.200 --> 236.900] I was offered a TED talk. +[236.900 --> 239.200] And damn it, I'm going to see it through. +[241.700 --> 248.400] Now, if you take a look behind me, these are just words paired with vaguely thought provoking stock photos. +[248.500 --> 252.400] I'm going to point at them like I'm making use both of my time as well as your time. +[252.400 --> 255.600] But in reality, I don't know what half of the mean. +[255.600 --> 259.000] And now, as these continue, I'm just going to start saying gibberish. +[259.000 --> 267.200] Wagawa, gaba gaba, turkey, mouth and mouth, chip, trip, my dog's skip. +[267.200 --> 269.400] Rip it and dip it, Richard. +[269.400 --> 273.400] I'm an itty bitty baby, bopper, and I'm hungry in my tum tum. +[273.400 --> 276.100] Brad Pitt, Uma Thurman. +[276.200 --> 279.900] Names, things, words, words, and more things. +[279.900 --> 283.600] And see, it feels like it might make sense, doesn't it? +[283.600 --> 287.200] Like maybe, just maybe, I'm building to some sort of satisfying conclusion. +[287.200 --> 289.400] I mean, I'm just stipulating as though I am. +[289.400 --> 293.900] I'm pacing, I'm growing in intensity, I'm taking off my glasses, which by the way are just frames. +[299.200 --> 305.700] I wore them to look smart, even though my vision is perfect. +[307.100 --> 309.900] And now I'm going to slow things down a little bit. +[309.900 --> 312.900] I'm going to change the tone. +[312.900 --> 317.900] I'm going to make it seem like I'm building to a moment. +[320.400 --> 322.400] And what if I was? +[324.400 --> 326.500] Amazing, isn't it? What can you do? +[326.500 --> 328.500] Life's a roller coaster. +[332.500 --> 335.700] You know, if there's one thing you take away from my talk, +[335.700 --> 338.500] I'd like you to think about what you heard at the beginning. +[338.500 --> 341.500] And I'd like you to think about what you hear now. +[342.500 --> 345.500] Because it was nothing, and it's still nothing. +[345.500 --> 347.500] Think about that. +[347.500 --> 349.500] Or don't, that's fine. +[349.500 --> 352.300] And now I'm going to stop talking. +[352.300 --> 353.300] Thank you. diff --git a/transcript/TED_E6NTM793zvo.txt b/transcript/TED_E6NTM793zvo.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..be254e6320a3699a653eb21065afabbac95a5976 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_E6NTM793zvo.txt @@ -0,0 +1,178 @@ +[0.000 --> 7.000] Buonasera, signori e signore. +[7.000 --> 18.000] Mi chiamo la Elatacconi. +[18.000 --> 27.000] Otre disagni sono italiana e siccome sono italiana, muovole nemmeno in sacco quando farlo. +[27.000 --> 39.000] E da per questo che sono questa sera, sono qua per parlarvi di una comunicazione bellissima, la comunicazione non verbala. +[39.000 --> 51.000] Ok, nuove le persone che ho restato, non sono le persone che ho restato, non sono le persone che ho restato, +[51.000 --> 55.000] diciamo sui sono occhina. +[55.000 --> 59.000] Le persone che state io trovo pensato per racc şur兩個 antib ideology. +[59.000 --> 69.980] E poi ho raguntato unうん אני conATALITY BUTTER Trovaisf actually is +[69.980 --> 73.700] ElenaTHOODZ +[73.700 --> 78.300] Mi sp eyebrows Cast scientabiLL. +[78.300 --> 79.460] Io mi�ste calculations per oggi +[79.460 --> 82.600] sono dulami unito peccata +[85.840 --> 87.260] uno Schon setup +[87.420 --> 88.260] e mi vede Jiang�� +[88.380 --> 88.680] St rati +[88.860 --> 90.440] che molte Ao pono +[90.640 --> 91.400] Shakes +[100.920 --> 101.580] È eccNONlike +[101.740 --> 102.940] era sleeping +[102.980 --> 103.620] Sonoosc sola +[103.620 --> 104.500] Di devotione +[105.400 --> 107.200] Ha characterized +[107.200 --> 111.080] Che magari ci Grindaman disse è una 루�ıktan?" +[111.080 --> 113.700] Io mi podia我也 Furthermore, altra cosa. +[113.700 --> 115.680] Sala che nokia no solo è la una tutta +[115.680 --> 128.420] Pag +[130.920 --> 134.920] involves premato — +[134.920 --> 137.060] これで sa George. +[137.140 --> 138.260] hitomaso di helt +[138.320 --> 138.560] combien? +[138.640 --> 139.960] Ga mushroomsero. +[140.020 --> 140.660] Sì ma +[140.720 --> 143.020] scelto lieverso dal +[143.080 --> 144.260] nghi hundredavo... +[144.340 --> 145.960] se Quinin, +[146.020 --> 148.300] receiving +[149.400 --> 151.400] enforcement +[151.480 --> 155.600] ancora dev' tranquill +[155.660 --> 158.760] il fatto che si abbia +[158.860 --> 160.160] fatta sono brez' +[160.260 --> 161.860] nersia decentralized +[161.940 --> 162.120] acquaeda +[162.180 --> 162.320] iani Importato +[162.380 --> 163.960] le artistie +[164.040 --> 164.920] le varie +[164.920 --> 172.920] ma i sottili di me non ho mai fatto i suoi espressioni, e il risultato è molto di essere hilarious. +[172.920 --> 178.920] We are trying to understand what foreigners are saying, and foreigners are trying to understand +[178.920 --> 181.920] what us, crazy Italians, and we are trying to say. +[181.920 --> 189.920] So, another way in which I gained all my experience from is, in fact, from soar throes. +[190.920 --> 196.920] I don't usually get them, but when I do, they're so strong I completely lose my voice. +[196.920 --> 203.920] When it happens, I get really upset, because I have to dance around like a witch during the bonfire, +[203.920 --> 210.920] and I have to bring an exercise book with me, write things down and voice people to read them, +[210.920 --> 213.920] to understand what I want to tell them. +[214.920 --> 222.920] But, you see, when I dance around, I make specific movements that actually show my way of being and feeling. +[222.920 --> 228.920] Now, I'm going to go technical, so please, please, please, don't fall asleep. +[230.920 --> 238.920] The first, most important, technical aspect, is non-burble communication, is your look or gaze. +[239.920 --> 246.920] Just by looking at the intensity of your gaze, the fruconcy, the length, and the delation of your eyes, +[246.920 --> 251.920] you can determine whether someone is attracted to someone else or not. +[251.920 --> 258.920] By looking at the same things, you can determine whether someone is a dominant person or not. +[258.920 --> 267.920] Dominant people tend to look at things for less time, but they're always the last to move their gaze onto something else. +[268.920 --> 271.920] Then, we have gestures. +[271.920 --> 276.920] Gestures mainly concern head, hands, and feet. +[276.920 --> 284.920] Gestures may be lost over time, so for example, hand kissing, which is just basically lips touching someone's hand. +[284.920 --> 293.920] It used to be super, it was used a lot in a different era, but now it's rare to see someone actually do it. +[293.920 --> 301.920] Another thing about gestures is that they are mostly linked to social, cultural context, +[301.920 --> 308.920] and that just leads on to misunderstandings, but I'll come to that later. +[308.920 --> 312.920] Then, we have posture. +[312.920 --> 315.920] Right now, I'm trying to look like a dominant person. +[315.920 --> 325.920] Dominant people tend to stand straight and have a confident walk, but what I've actually liked to do is to, like, the prison on the left, +[325.920 --> 335.920] I like to crouch down on the floor, morph my body into a ball, and just hide myself from the cameras, and from mainly the audience. +[335.920 --> 341.920] Then, we have clothing, physical aspect, and state. +[341.920 --> 344.920] It doesn't matter how hard you try. +[344.920 --> 347.920] People do judge you upon your physical aspect. +[347.920 --> 349.920] People do judge a book by its cover. +[349.920 --> 352.920] I mean, you're judging me right now. +[352.920 --> 355.920] Some of you may be thinking, oh, she looks so nice with that. +[355.920 --> 356.920] I've scared on. +[356.920 --> 359.920] Some of you may be thinking, she looks mediocre. +[359.920 --> 361.920] I've screwed like that during a tech event. +[361.920 --> 364.920] Are you serious girl? +[365.920 --> 368.920] With clothing, you've also got color codes. +[368.920 --> 375.920] If I went to a funeral and I was wearing yellow, orange, bright pink, it wouldn't be really respectful with it. +[375.920 --> 378.920] So, just be aware of it. +[378.920 --> 389.920] Then, we have personal space, and I found it hilarious, because the closer you get to the equator, the less personal space people have. +[389.920 --> 398.920] And the look on northern European spaces, when they see Italian males hugging, is just priceless. +[398.920 --> 402.920] And last but not least, we have corporal contact. +[402.920 --> 405.920] It's the fastest type of non-verbal communication. +[405.920 --> 410.920] You see, it's when distance between objects is abolished. +[410.920 --> 414.920] And there's four main occasions in which this happens. +[414.920 --> 416.920] The first one is aggressive behavior. +[416.920 --> 419.920] Then, there's affectionate relations. +[419.920 --> 426.920] Then, you have incure in hospitals and in interaction. +[426.920 --> 430.920] Still not finished with the technical stuff. +[430.920 --> 436.920] Now, we're going on to the main functions of non-verbal communication, and there are four. +[436.920 --> 439.920] The first one is expressive communication. +[439.920 --> 442.920] It shows your moods, your feelings. +[442.920 --> 447.920] And it's the main reason why emojis were created in the first place. +[447.920 --> 453.920] We had to show the way we were feeling when we can't type it. +[453.920 --> 456.920] Then, we have interpersonal communication. +[456.920 --> 462.920] And it's just to show hostility, friendship, anger, fear, confusion. +[462.920 --> 465.920] That is what interpersonal communication is. +[465.920 --> 468.920] And it's also holding hands, hugging. +[468.920 --> 472.920] I mean, I hug my friends all the time, just for random reasons. +[472.920 --> 477.920] You can ask all of them if I have any friends. +[477.920 --> 482.920] Then, we have interaction adjustment. +[482.920 --> 487.920] And it's just keeping on a control body language. +[487.920 --> 490.920] And it's also to show someone its their terms, for example. +[490.920 --> 493.920] It's to return to both the dice. +[494.920 --> 497.920] Lastly, we have verbal communication. +[497.920 --> 501.920] And yes, it is a main function of body language. +[501.920 --> 508.920] Because it colors in, it adds detail to what body language can't. +[508.920 --> 512.920] You know, lying is really important. +[512.920 --> 522.920] You see, teachers and policemen are trained to tell if a student or a policeman's case a murder is telling the truth or not. +[522.920 --> 527.920] I go up to my dramaturger, Jane. +[527.920 --> 533.920] And I tell her, Jane, I did my homework. +[533.920 --> 534.920] It was amazing. +[534.920 --> 536.920] Three whole pages of a script. +[536.920 --> 539.920] It's just, you see, I left it home. +[539.920 --> 541.920] I will bring it to you tomorrow morning. +[541.920 --> 543.920] It's not okay with you. +[543.920 --> 546.920] Just by looking at how much I blinked. +[546.920 --> 550.920] And at my hesitation, she could tell that I was lying. +[551.920 --> 561.920] And that excuse of leaving it home was just a way of getting another day to do a homework that it couldn't be bothered to do for the past week. +[561.920 --> 563.920] I'm thinking about it. +[563.920 --> 568.920] Lying is not the same everywhere in the world, just like smiling. +[568.920 --> 578.920] In the Japanese culture, smiling, people smile to make sure that the speaker or the listener is not upset in any kind of way. +[578.920 --> 585.920] In other Asian countries, smiling is for embarrassment to show embarrassment or confusion. +[585.920 --> 591.920] Well, most of the world is to show personal peace or joy. +[591.920 --> 594.920] I'll give you another example. +[594.920 --> 602.920] If I have, say, Japanese math teacher, and she has to give me really bad news, so for example. +[603.920 --> 606.920] Leila, I'm really sorry, truly sorry. +[606.920 --> 610.920] But you've got a terrible grade on your math exam. +[610.920 --> 613.920] And I think you'll have to take it again. +[613.920 --> 616.920] Vice-mile, well, she gives me the bad news. +[616.920 --> 619.920] She might take it as gratitude for understanding. +[619.920 --> 623.920] Well, if Vice-mile, at Jawan, well, she is giving me the bad news. +[623.920 --> 629.920] She might take it as being rude as she's Scottish. +[629.920 --> 636.920] And I either get a detention or a lower grade on my report. +[636.920 --> 640.920] Jawan, I love you and dad, don't worry, this is not the case. +[643.920 --> 649.920] Now, in formal context in Japan, nobody smiles as it's considered really rude. +[649.920 --> 656.920] In America, if you don't smile during formal context, then it's rude, because you don't mean what you're saying. +[656.920 --> 664.920] And in Italy, if you smile in formal context, or when you're usually talking to someone, +[664.920 --> 669.920] it will be like you're fooling them, because it's just weird. +[669.920 --> 676.920] Now, we have more frequent users and less frequent users of this body language thing. +[676.920 --> 683.920] The people who use it the most are normally encouraged by their culture to use a double communication technique. +[683.920 --> 687.920] And they seem like warmer people, trustworthy kind. +[687.920 --> 692.920] Well, it's the people who use it the less facing cold-hearted, mean. +[692.920 --> 694.920] They don't really care about you. +[694.920 --> 696.920] So be aware of it. +[696.920 --> 700.920] Using body language is not a bad thing. +[700.920 --> 705.920] Now, there might be misunderstandings with gestures too. +[705.920 --> 710.920] You see, this is a mean in Italian, kind of Roman dialect, and it says, +[710.920 --> 714.920] no problem, stay calm or calm down. +[714.920 --> 718.920] And the gesture that this footballer is doing is this. +[718.920 --> 723.920] In Italy, and most other countries, it means calm down, chill. +[723.920 --> 729.920] Well, in Greece, Pakistan, and some places in Africa, it's very offensive. +[729.920 --> 731.920] So be careful. +[731.920 --> 734.920] Same goes with peace sign. +[734.920 --> 736.920] It's sought to children as peace. +[736.920 --> 739.920] In Germany, it means victory. +[739.920 --> 744.920] In the UK, New Zealand, Australia, and Malta, it's very offensive. +[744.920 --> 748.920] Not necessarily this way, maybe the other way around. +[748.920 --> 752.920] And in Malta, it's not necessarily the index finger and the second finger. +[752.920 --> 756.920] It's maybe other fingers. +[756.920 --> 760.920] And these are all the misunderstandings linked to gestures. +[760.920 --> 765.920] You see, bit by bit though, thanks to globalization, the world is understanding. +[765.920 --> 771.920] So people are more aware of it, and there's less awkward moment. +[771.920 --> 776.920] Now, you will never be as good as I am with non-brival communication, +[776.920 --> 779.920] but I'm not going to discourage you. +[779.920 --> 787.920] I actually invite you in the next 24 hours to look carefully at people you interact with, +[787.920 --> 790.920] and see what they're telling you and what they're showing you, +[790.920 --> 797.920] with posture, volume, and which, just anything that I've told you today. +[797.920 --> 801.920] But I'm not really sure I want to understand where you've been telling me, +[801.920 --> 804.920] with all your impatient movements on your chairs, +[804.920 --> 807.920] your automatic nodding, and your continuous blinking. +[807.920 --> 810.920] But all I'd like to say is thank you for listening, +[810.920 --> 813.920] and I'll let you think about what this oil means. +[813.920 --> 822.920] Thank you. diff --git a/transcript/TED_I5x1wQ6kHX0.txt b/transcript/TED_I5x1wQ6kHX0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..70f05065e62bd7de7abc42d5da8baa9fb27a5466 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_I5x1wQ6kHX0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,434 @@ +[0.000 --> 18.300] Sometimes, I'm not sure that I'm capable of doing something until I'm already doing it. +[18.300 --> 21.900] We all have examples of that within our own lives. +[21.900 --> 28.880] Things like asing that test, earning that promotion, or the one that truly terrifies and +[28.880 --> 35.980] strikes fear into the heart of all of us adults, getting virtually anything done at the DMV. +[35.980 --> 38.480] Oh gosh. +[38.480 --> 44.580] But in all seriousness, at times these things can feel unattainable to us. +[44.580 --> 46.880] But maybe they shouldn't. +[46.880 --> 49.940] My name is Paniz Oliye. +[49.940 --> 56.080] And I'm here today to demonstrate to you why you're capable of more than you think. +[56.080 --> 57.580] Now I know what you're thinking. +[57.580 --> 58.580] Oh great. +[58.580 --> 67.080] Another one of those motivational speeches that sounds so nice, but ultimately does nothing. +[67.080 --> 73.840] But like you, I understand how difficult it is to summon the courage we need to achieve +[73.840 --> 75.720] our dreams. +[75.720 --> 81.520] And so today, I'm going to do something just a little different. +[81.520 --> 88.720] Today, as a longtime student of psychology, I'm going to offer you a tool. +[88.720 --> 93.440] We call this conceptual tool mind over matter. +[93.440 --> 99.480] And I'm going to use it today to help you harness your very own power. +[99.480 --> 105.560] Now we'll be starting off with a couple of examples from that beautiful science of the mind +[105.560 --> 107.520] that we call psychology. +[107.520 --> 112.120] Next, I'll take you through the findings of those examples. +[112.120 --> 117.520] Why does it matter that there's a connection between our minds and our bodies? +[117.520 --> 124.200] What does the connection of mind over matter mean about ourselves, about each other, and +[124.200 --> 127.240] about the world around us? +[127.240 --> 133.480] And finally, I'll tell you about how you can apply the concept of mind over matter to +[133.480 --> 137.480] your lives and the lives of those around you. +[137.480 --> 141.240] The first thing I need you to remember, and this is really important, don't let it go, +[141.240 --> 146.880] is that mind over matter is absolutely everywhere. +[146.880 --> 152.160] It is in our daily lives, in the air that we breathe and the light that we see. +[152.160 --> 153.160] Don't believe me? +[153.160 --> 155.720] Let's give it a shot. +[155.720 --> 162.040] So on the screen before you, you'll see what's an illustration of the basal effect, first +[162.040 --> 164.720] coined by Wilhelm von Baseld. +[164.720 --> 166.760] It's a pretty simple picture, isn't it? +[166.760 --> 169.720] You have two main objects on the screen. +[169.720 --> 175.600] One is a background, and as you can see, it is much darker on one side, my right, than +[175.600 --> 177.760] it is on the left. +[177.760 --> 180.960] It's a gradient, easy peasy. +[180.960 --> 189.280] In the middle of this background is a rectangular bar, and that rectangular bar also looks like +[189.280 --> 190.800] a gradient. +[190.800 --> 195.400] It is much lighter on my right side than it is on my left. +[195.400 --> 197.880] It's an inverse of the background. +[197.880 --> 201.040] Now I know you're seeing the same thing that I'm seeing. +[201.040 --> 203.400] You're asking yourselves why is she explaining this? +[203.400 --> 206.880] I can see very clearly what's going on. +[206.880 --> 213.520] But if you'll just give me a moment, I want you to look very closely at what happens next, +[213.520 --> 220.960] because when I remove the background, you'll see that this rectangular bar in the middle +[220.960 --> 224.920] is actually one solid color. +[224.920 --> 226.680] It's not a gradient at all. +[226.680 --> 229.560] It is a solid shade of gray. +[229.560 --> 232.440] Let's try that again. +[232.440 --> 238.240] Now you see it, the gradient, and now you don't. +[238.240 --> 242.080] All right, let's try something else out. +[242.080 --> 247.880] This is another one that is very, very popular in terms of its fun cognitive illusion test. +[247.880 --> 253.840] This is an illustration of the Czechosato illusion coined by Edward Adelson. +[253.840 --> 256.400] This is also a fairly simple picture. +[256.400 --> 261.400] As you can see, there are two squares marked on this checkerboard. +[261.400 --> 266.680] One is marked with the letter A, and the other one is letter B. +[266.680 --> 273.400] A, as you can see, just as plainly as I can, is much darker than B. +[273.400 --> 276.640] You can probably guess what I'm going to do next. +[276.640 --> 283.800] If I just remove everything else, you'll see that A and B are the exact same color. +[284.800 --> 289.760] To try that again, A and B clearly two different shades, +[289.760 --> 293.800] and all I've done is remove the background. +[293.800 --> 298.240] Now, if your head is spinning and you're upset at me removing the background, +[298.240 --> 302.040] I promise for this next one, I'll make it a little easier on you. +[302.040 --> 305.720] For this next one, I'm not going to be changing anything at all. +[305.720 --> 307.800] I'm not removing any context. +[307.800 --> 311.040] You'll have the slide in front of you as long as you like. +[311.760 --> 316.040] This next one is a particularly big favorite of mine. +[316.040 --> 319.680] This is an illustration of the Cafe Wall illusion. +[319.680 --> 324.400] Talked about because it was first seen on the outside of a Cafe Wall. +[324.400 --> 326.120] Simple picture, right? +[326.120 --> 329.800] You have a couple of black and white squares alternating, +[329.800 --> 332.000] and you have different rows of this pattern. +[332.000 --> 334.120] Slightly offset. +[334.120 --> 340.240] The offset, I'll give you a hint, is what makes this illusion so much fun. +[340.240 --> 344.160] As you can see, there's something just slightly off about this picture. +[344.160 --> 349.240] All of the horizontal gray lines running through this picture are slanted. +[349.240 --> 350.920] They're kind of wonky. +[350.920 --> 354.560] They look like they're on the verge of running into each other. +[354.560 --> 358.480] But if you look at each individual row, +[358.480 --> 364.760] you'll notice that all of these gray horizontal lines are perfectly parallel. +[364.760 --> 367.840] There's no slant to them at all. +[367.840 --> 372.240] Zoom out for a moment, see the slants, and zoom in for a moment. +[372.240 --> 377.680] Focus on one individual row at a time, and you'll see what I mean. +[377.680 --> 380.080] What do all of these examples mean? +[380.080 --> 384.240] Have I just brought you here today to show you how evil psychology is? +[384.240 --> 389.000] To make you wonder why I'm making you question your perception of reality? +[389.000 --> 393.880] I promise there is no evilness of psychology involved. +[393.880 --> 398.440] In fact, as such a beautiful discipline, psychology exists to show us +[398.440 --> 401.520] why we have these cognitive illusions. +[401.520 --> 404.320] I promise this is no magic trick. +[404.320 --> 407.640] I haven't secretly changed the lines while you weren't watching, +[407.640 --> 412.320] and I certainly haven't changed any of the colors in the solution. +[412.320 --> 418.080] All I've done is show you how your own eyes perceive the world. +[418.080 --> 420.880] Why would our brains do this to us? +[420.880 --> 424.680] Is there something wrong with the way that we're seeing the world? +[424.680 --> 426.240] Not at all. +[426.240 --> 431.760] You see, a long time ago, it was vital to our very survival to be able to distinguish +[431.760 --> 434.800] between one object and another. +[434.800 --> 440.120] All of these tricks rely on the way that we perceive darkness and brightness, +[440.120 --> 445.800] light, shadows, and of course, contrasts. +[445.800 --> 450.440] Our brains rely on that because they help us to see and understand the world +[450.480 --> 452.040] more quickly. +[452.040 --> 456.360] And as you can probably imagine, the faster you can distinguish between one object +[456.360 --> 460.680] and another, the likelier you are to survive. +[460.680 --> 465.880] The faster you can figure out what is a threat to you and what is harmless, +[465.880 --> 471.160] the likelier you are to get out of that dangerous situation. +[471.160 --> 475.880] And so our brains have evolved this miraculous and incredible ability +[475.880 --> 480.400] to quickly distinguish between objects, just to help us. +[480.880 --> 484.600] Now, what you've seen today are a couple of perceptual illusions, +[484.600 --> 487.120] but I'm going to take it a little step further. +[487.120 --> 490.800] I'm going to talk to you about something that might seem fairly familiar, +[490.800 --> 492.520] placebo's. +[492.520 --> 496.000] Now, you've seen some perceptual illusions you know so far +[496.000 --> 500.160] that your mind informs your reality, the way that you see things. +[500.160 --> 506.200] But placebo's are a fun little example of how your mind can change reality. +[506.240 --> 510.720] For those of you who don't know, a placebo is a very simple concept. +[510.720 --> 515.200] It is a treatment that actually has no medicinal or therapeutic value. +[515.200 --> 519.360] In essence, it does nothing to your body. +[519.360 --> 521.920] Few examples of this are some fake pills. +[521.920 --> 527.240] They're often made out of sugar, fake injections, things like saline. +[527.240 --> 530.960] And they even have fake surgeries where they put you under, +[530.960 --> 534.120] but they do basically nothing to you. +[534.160 --> 536.160] I do these treatments exist. +[536.160 --> 540.400] Well, there's this very fun phenomenon called the placebo effect, +[540.400 --> 541.760] pretty fitting name, huh? +[541.760 --> 543.800] Psychology is good at those. +[543.800 --> 547.160] But the thing about the placebo effect is this. +[547.160 --> 551.960] If I have a raging headache and I'm in a lot of pain, +[551.960 --> 558.080] and someone gives me a pill telling me that this is going to relieve some of my pain, +[558.080 --> 562.200] I will take that pill with that expectation. +[562.200 --> 566.280] And lo and behold, even if that pill is made of sugar, +[566.280 --> 570.600] it will actually reduce some of the pain that I'm feeling. +[570.600 --> 575.880] Remember, there's no medicinal or therapeutic intervention in this case. +[575.880 --> 581.560] All that's happening is that my expectations are changing my reality. +[581.560 --> 587.920] Quite literally, what happens when I take that pill is that I expect to feel better. +[587.960 --> 590.120] And so what does my body do? +[590.120 --> 594.880] It tries to match that expectation in my mind. +[594.880 --> 597.960] My brain releases things like dopamine, +[597.960 --> 600.400] a chemical that will help it to feel good. +[600.400 --> 603.280] My body releases things like endorphins, +[603.280 --> 608.040] a hormone that reduces stress and relieves pain. +[608.040 --> 611.600] And before you know it, just like that, +[611.600 --> 616.200] I'm already feeling so much more healthy and optimistic. +[616.240 --> 622.160] And in case you forgot, there was no medicinal or therapeutic intervention involved. +[622.160 --> 626.800] All that happened was that I had a belief. +[626.800 --> 628.880] That's all. +[628.880 --> 630.760] I know, at this point, you're thinking, okay, +[630.760 --> 633.920] placebo is cognitive illusions, I've heard of it all. +[633.920 --> 639.160] But I'm going to give you one last psychological example that you might not have heard of. +[639.160 --> 642.360] And this is the example of biofeedback. +[642.360 --> 649.440] Now biofeedback is this incredible intervention that psychology and medicine have constructed. +[649.440 --> 653.200] Let's say that we have a patient, maybe someone in this room, +[653.200 --> 656.480] who is experiencing a high heart rate. +[656.480 --> 660.480] Their heart is going far too fast. +[660.480 --> 662.160] That's dangerous. +[662.160 --> 665.560] They want to lower that heart rate as much as possible. +[665.560 --> 670.440] And they want to have it be an effective and quick treatment. +[670.440 --> 676.520] The healthcare provider, in this case, can attach a couple of sensors and electrodes to the patient +[676.520 --> 680.200] and hook those sensors and electrodes up to a device. +[680.200 --> 685.400] The device will emit noises or lights or show a number on the screen +[685.400 --> 688.720] that corresponds to the person's actual heart rate. +[688.720 --> 693.040] So all this person is getting is some feedback about how their heart is doing. +[693.040 --> 699.800] I actually did this exercise right before my speech with an individual who is also a speaker today. +[699.800 --> 703.320] Because people get anxious, even the best of us. +[703.320 --> 706.680] And we need something to calm us down. +[706.680 --> 709.720] I'll tell you a little bit more about that in just a second. +[709.720 --> 714.760] But what happens next is something that the machine does not control at all. +[714.760 --> 718.600] The patient is fully in control of their heart rate. +[718.600 --> 721.960] They watch the screen, the numbers, the flashing lights, +[721.960 --> 725.560] or they listen to the noise, the sound of their heart rate. +[725.560 --> 731.800] And just by watching or listening and concentrating, they lower it. +[731.800 --> 733.080] And it works. +[733.080 --> 738.120] There is nothing that the machine is doing, but just giving them feedback about their heart rate. +[738.120 --> 742.880] Without even knowing it, the patient listening to their real-time feedback +[742.880 --> 745.360] starts to relax their muscles. +[745.360 --> 748.280] They start to control their breathing. +[748.280 --> 753.680] And moreover, sometimes they even think positive or grounding thoughts. +[753.680 --> 758.640] Again, in case you missed it, the machine has done absolutely nothing. +[758.640 --> 761.880] But the patient's heart rate is lowered. +[761.880 --> 764.480] The implications for this are astounding. +[764.480 --> 769.280] Biofeedback can apply to lowering your temperature or raising it, if you like. +[769.280 --> 772.320] It also applies to your blood pressure, +[772.320 --> 774.880] to headaches and migraines that you might have, +[774.880 --> 778.360] and even to your brain activity. +[778.360 --> 783.400] Just by concentrating on the real-time feedback that your body is sending out, +[783.400 --> 787.000] you can actually change your physical health. +[787.000 --> 791.840] Again, your body starts to match your expectations. +[791.840 --> 796.400] If that's not an example of mine never matter, I'm not sure what else is. +[796.400 --> 801.560] Because the truth is, all of these examples show how powerful your mind is +[801.560 --> 805.120] at controlling you and your reality. +[805.120 --> 808.320] It doesn't just change how you see the world. +[808.320 --> 812.520] It changes the physiological reality of your body. +[812.520 --> 813.920] That is incredible. +[813.920 --> 817.600] When someone tells you don't worry about it, it's all in your head. +[817.600 --> 820.120] Just relax, chill out. +[820.120 --> 823.680] That phrase now has so much more meaning. +[823.680 --> 825.680] It is all in your head. +[825.680 --> 830.320] And that's the beauty of the concept of mind over matter. +[830.320 --> 835.000] This puts the power back in the hands of the individual. +[835.000 --> 840.360] But I know at the same time that you're wondering why this matters. +[840.360 --> 842.080] You're asking yourself, +[842.120 --> 846.360] why does it matter that I have a little bit of control over my head +[846.360 --> 849.600] or over my body for that matter? +[849.600 --> 853.960] Why does it matter when there are so many more serious issues in the world +[853.960 --> 856.600] that we find hard to address? +[856.600 --> 861.360] In this life, we are in control of so little. +[861.360 --> 864.880] At times, I despair about the things that I cannot control. +[864.880 --> 868.760] I think about things like international politics, +[868.760 --> 873.720] like violence, inequality, just to name a few. +[873.720 --> 876.120] And when I start thinking about those things, +[876.120 --> 879.800] even things like climate change, it is easy to lose hope. +[882.320 --> 886.720] But the question of why does it matter +[886.720 --> 890.680] can be answered basically within the very foundations +[890.680 --> 892.320] that we've just talked about. +[893.320 --> 897.960] It matters because I am one of the few things +[897.960 --> 901.280] that I control in this life. +[901.280 --> 903.880] And that applies to all of you. +[903.880 --> 906.320] We might not be able to control much, +[906.320 --> 908.720] but if we control ourselves, +[908.720 --> 911.120] we control our perspectives, our expectations, +[911.120 --> 915.320] and the way that we interact with other people, +[915.320 --> 920.760] then we control much more than we previously thought we were ever capable of. +[921.760 --> 926.440] Now at times, again, you might be wondering how this comes into play. +[926.440 --> 929.840] For me, just thinking about the concept of mind of a matter +[929.840 --> 932.960] has made it much easier to manage my life. +[932.960 --> 936.680] And now I know a bunch of you sitting out there, students and professionals +[936.680 --> 943.640] have probably experienced the horrible, anxiety-inducing, debilitating, terrifying problem. +[943.640 --> 946.080] That is procrastination. +[946.080 --> 948.560] It's exhausting, and you have to admit it. +[948.560 --> 952.560] I see a deadline that's a month away, and I'm like, oh, great. +[952.560 --> 953.840] That's a month away. +[953.840 --> 956.000] It's like plenty of time. +[956.000 --> 959.280] The problem with that is that I relax, +[959.280 --> 961.680] kick back for an entire month, +[961.680 --> 964.000] and the night before something is due. +[964.000 --> 965.160] I panic. +[965.160 --> 965.960] I stress out. +[965.960 --> 971.120] I start to cram and type out as much of that paper as I possibly can. +[971.120 --> 972.640] It's unhealthy. +[972.640 --> 977.040] And for a lot of us, in both of our academic and professional lives, +[977.040 --> 979.800] it is a debilitating issue. +[979.800 --> 984.880] But once I realized that mind over matter is a powerful enough concept +[984.880 --> 987.560] to change the way we see things. +[987.560 --> 990.720] I realized that it's all in my head. +[990.720 --> 994.320] So all I really need to do to fix procrastination +[994.320 --> 998.360] is to just change my perception of reality. +[998.360 --> 999.160] Easy, right? +[999.160 --> 1001.320] Piece of cake. +[1001.320 --> 1004.520] But the truth is, it does become easier +[1004.520 --> 1007.880] when you think about the very power that you hold. +[1007.880 --> 1010.240] What happens when you think about mind over matter +[1010.240 --> 1012.400] is that you realize that you have power +[1012.400 --> 1015.840] over your entire view of reality. +[1015.840 --> 1017.640] And I use that to my advantage. +[1017.640 --> 1019.440] And I hope you can too. +[1019.440 --> 1023.080] What I did was set a couple of false deadlines. +[1023.080 --> 1024.720] Sounds simple, right? +[1024.720 --> 1026.680] That thing that was due a month from now +[1026.680 --> 1028.680] is now due in a week. +[1028.680 --> 1033.840] And man, if I can convince myself that that item is due so much earlier +[1033.840 --> 1039.160] than I thought it was, then I will feel the pressure to complete it. +[1039.160 --> 1041.640] I started making myself believe these false deadlines +[1041.640 --> 1047.760] by plugging it into everything I came across, planners, calendars, +[1047.760 --> 1050.280] and even sticky notes. +[1050.280 --> 1054.960] And once I convinced myself that something was due much earlier +[1054.960 --> 1060.360] than it really was, I got started a little earlier. +[1060.360 --> 1064.720] I saw that I was able to complete the things that I wanted to on time. +[1064.720 --> 1067.120] Was I still a little stressed out? +[1067.120 --> 1068.240] Maybe. +[1068.240 --> 1071.080] Did I still rush to finish within that week? +[1071.080 --> 1072.560] Sure. +[1072.560 --> 1076.120] But it changed my life to such an extent +[1076.120 --> 1080.280] that I can say that I'm a much less stressed out person now. +[1080.280 --> 1083.560] I can focus on the beauties of life and enjoy the time +[1083.560 --> 1088.600] that I have with friends and family and even just myself, +[1088.600 --> 1091.080] all because of a minor change that I made +[1091.080 --> 1096.000] while recognizing how powerful the concept of mind over matter is. +[1096.000 --> 1099.280] Another way that the concept has helped me +[1099.280 --> 1102.800] is by helping me look at the bigger picture. +[1102.800 --> 1104.000] We all have this problem. +[1104.000 --> 1107.640] Psychologists will often refer to it as catastrophization. +[1107.640 --> 1109.400] Now, catastrophization is something +[1109.400 --> 1112.480] that I think many of you will be familiar with. +[1112.480 --> 1116.480] This notion that the moment something small goes wrong, +[1116.480 --> 1119.840] you get a grade that you don't like on an exam, +[1119.840 --> 1124.480] you miss out on an opportunity, or even you lose something +[1124.480 --> 1127.520] that is a treasured object. +[1127.520 --> 1131.640] You start thinking about the worst case scenario. +[1131.640 --> 1134.400] Your mind starts going down the spiral of anxiety +[1134.400 --> 1137.640] and all you can think about is the horrible thing +[1137.640 --> 1139.480] that could happen in the future. +[1139.480 --> 1142.720] You think about the absolute worst that can happen. +[1142.720 --> 1145.480] And it's agonizing. +[1145.480 --> 1149.320] What hurts us even more is that the worst case scenario +[1149.320 --> 1151.480] often doesn't happen. +[1151.480 --> 1156.720] And so we waste time and energy and emotional burden, +[1156.720 --> 1159.240] just dedicating ourselves to thinking about the worst case +[1159.240 --> 1163.560] scenario that is hardly likely. +[1163.560 --> 1167.280] Catastrophization is a problem for many of us. +[1167.280 --> 1169.680] But the way that we can reframe our reality +[1169.680 --> 1172.400] comes into play even here. +[1172.400 --> 1175.200] The question that I constantly ask myself +[1175.200 --> 1178.120] when something doesn't quite go right +[1178.120 --> 1182.480] is how much is this going to matter? +[1182.480 --> 1185.280] I start to stretch time in my mind. +[1185.280 --> 1188.160] How much is this going to matter a year from now? +[1188.160 --> 1189.320] Maybe a bit. +[1189.320 --> 1191.440] Maybe I'll be walking around and thinking about, +[1191.440 --> 1194.080] oh, I really wish I had not missed that opportunity. +[1194.080 --> 1196.160] That would have been nice. +[1196.160 --> 1198.320] Five years from now? +[1198.320 --> 1200.280] Well, I don't know. +[1200.280 --> 1202.240] I'll be starting on my career. +[1202.240 --> 1203.920] I'll probably be thinking about, I don't know, +[1203.920 --> 1206.200] what I'll be having for dinner. +[1206.200 --> 1208.880] And a million other things will be on my mind. +[1208.880 --> 1212.440] I'm not sure how much I'm thinking about it. +[1212.440 --> 1215.160] Stretch that out even further. +[1215.160 --> 1219.360] 10 years from now, 20 years from now, +[1219.360 --> 1225.200] and the incident that you are so stressed out about dissipates. +[1225.200 --> 1228.600] It becomes sand like the sands of time. +[1228.600 --> 1231.880] There are so many grains of it, so many moments in our lives +[1231.880 --> 1236.000] that we can stress out about, but don't need to. +[1236.000 --> 1239.320] And when we stop agonizing and catastrophizing, +[1239.320 --> 1240.960] we become healthier. +[1240.960 --> 1243.960] The research has demonstrated that we live longer lives, +[1243.960 --> 1246.080] quite frankly. +[1246.080 --> 1249.320] And the theme that I'm going to keep coming back to +[1249.320 --> 1252.600] is that we enjoy our lives more. +[1252.600 --> 1257.280] Enjoying our lives more makes us better people, better friends, +[1257.280 --> 1259.720] and better community members. +[1259.720 --> 1263.200] And so already, from such a small, quick question +[1263.200 --> 1265.560] that you can ask yourself, you have +[1265.560 --> 1269.240] contributed to making the world a better place. +[1269.240 --> 1272.520] I know that's dramatic, but bear with me for this last one. +[1272.520 --> 1275.800] The last major tip that I wanted to share with you all today +[1275.800 --> 1279.800] was the concept of connecting the disconnection. +[1279.800 --> 1282.120] Just like those connect the dot games +[1282.120 --> 1285.440] where you produce a beautiful, fuller picture, +[1285.440 --> 1287.800] I've come to realize how important it is +[1287.800 --> 1291.200] to connect the parts of my life that previously +[1291.200 --> 1293.680] meant nothing to each other. +[1293.680 --> 1297.560] The many students, academics, and professionals in this room +[1297.560 --> 1299.480] can all attest to this. +[1299.480 --> 1304.160] We think of different disciplines as distinct. +[1304.160 --> 1308.960] Things like law and medicine, math and philosophy, +[1308.960 --> 1312.000] all of those things feel like separate categories +[1312.000 --> 1313.920] to many of us. +[1313.920 --> 1318.080] And even if we work in a field where we combine those, +[1318.080 --> 1323.240] the common themes that they share aren't always on our minds. +[1323.240 --> 1327.160] But take it for me, a student of psychology, history, +[1327.160 --> 1329.280] and political science. +[1329.280 --> 1331.400] These subjects all have more in common +[1331.400 --> 1333.760] than you could possibly think. +[1333.760 --> 1336.840] For me, thinking about the different themes +[1336.840 --> 1339.400] that these topics share has made me +[1339.400 --> 1343.320] realize that at the core of all of these disciplines +[1343.320 --> 1345.520] are people. +[1345.520 --> 1347.600] I love people. +[1347.600 --> 1350.800] And just by connecting the dots, by thinking +[1350.800 --> 1354.000] about what psychology, history, and political science +[1354.000 --> 1358.800] all tell us about people, even if they disagree. +[1358.800 --> 1363.840] Just by doing that, I have made myself someone who can hopefully +[1363.840 --> 1369.360] better understand, relate, and spend time with people. +[1369.360 --> 1372.800] The thing that matters to me most in life. +[1372.800 --> 1378.440] And so just by doing that, I'm able to create this new common thread +[1378.440 --> 1380.840] that had never existed before. +[1380.840 --> 1385.600] We call that synergy when two separate concepts come together, +[1385.600 --> 1390.200] and there's some is so much more, so much more profound +[1390.200 --> 1392.960] than it could have been separately. +[1392.960 --> 1396.640] So by connecting these dots, as disconnected as they seem, +[1396.640 --> 1399.280] we all have something to gain. +[1399.280 --> 1403.640] For me, that meant passing on a piece of advice to my sister. +[1403.640 --> 1407.360] My sister is my favorite person in the entire universe, +[1407.360 --> 1410.040] the light of my life. +[1410.040 --> 1412.600] And I hope, growing up as her older sister, +[1412.600 --> 1415.720] I've been able to use this ability to connect the dots +[1415.720 --> 1418.880] to teach her more about people. +[1418.880 --> 1422.600] Today, she is one of the most wise, well-informed people +[1422.600 --> 1424.040] I have ever met. +[1424.040 --> 1427.840] And her relationships demonstrate that to me. +[1427.840 --> 1431.800] As we know, that trickle down or ripple effect +[1431.800 --> 1434.080] is quite the real one. +[1434.080 --> 1439.240] She constantly instills that same value amongst the people +[1439.240 --> 1441.200] that she meets. +[1441.200 --> 1443.480] And it helps to create a better community +[1443.480 --> 1446.000] at her school, in her neighborhood, +[1446.000 --> 1449.200] and in her work going forward as a nurse. +[1449.200 --> 1453.320] Long story short, this small connection of the dots +[1453.320 --> 1455.920] that I realized passed on to my sister +[1455.920 --> 1459.760] and that she'll pass on to her friends, community members, +[1459.760 --> 1462.800] and her patients, that makes a difference. +[1465.040 --> 1468.160] But all of these three tips that I've shared with you today +[1468.160 --> 1471.800] are just a few examples of how you can use the concept +[1471.800 --> 1475.200] of mind over matter. +[1475.200 --> 1479.160] There are so many different ways to imagine that concept. +[1479.160 --> 1482.720] And I cannot wait to see what all of you come up with. +[1482.720 --> 1485.560] All of your brilliant, diverse experiences +[1485.560 --> 1489.280] culminating in this web of knowledge. +[1489.280 --> 1493.640] So ultimately, what does mind over matter mean? +[1493.720 --> 1497.440] It means recognizing that sometimes the boundaries +[1497.440 --> 1500.920] between the body and the mind are blurred +[1500.920 --> 1503.840] and that that is a beautiful thing. +[1503.840 --> 1508.200] It means recognizing that the way that you perceive the world, +[1508.200 --> 1513.200] even just your expectations, they make a difference. +[1513.200 --> 1518.120] And it means that we are not static, unchanging people +[1518.120 --> 1520.240] with limited abilities. +[1520.240 --> 1525.440] We are profoundly complex, liminal, transient people +[1525.440 --> 1529.120] who move between our capabilities, our complexities, +[1529.120 --> 1531.640] and our potentials. +[1531.640 --> 1534.760] There are limitless possibilities before us. +[1534.760 --> 1538.720] Because if your expectations inform your reality, +[1538.720 --> 1542.360] then the only limit is your imagination. +[1542.360 --> 1548.480] You and I and everyone is capable of so much more +[1548.480 --> 1552.160] than you know than you have ever thought. +[1552.160 --> 1555.520] And perhaps more than you will ever know. +[1555.520 --> 1559.240] You are capable of immense growth and complexity. +[1559.240 --> 1563.840] And that is what the concept of mind over matter teaches us. +[1563.840 --> 1567.480] In the depths of the terrifying and enormous problems +[1567.480 --> 1571.240] that we see in our daily lives, inequality, violence, +[1571.240 --> 1573.760] climate change, you name it. +[1573.760 --> 1581.360] It is easy to feel alone, to feel isolated, to feel helpless. +[1581.360 --> 1584.240] But the fact that you have control over yourselves, +[1584.240 --> 1588.080] your lived realities, and that you can influence others +[1588.080 --> 1591.080] gives you so much more power and agency +[1591.080 --> 1592.320] than you ever thought possible. +[1595.320 --> 1600.360] To all those out there wishing to make a change in your life +[1600.360 --> 1603.720] and the lives of others, you are capable. +[1604.560 --> 1607.280] Of so much more than you think. +[1607.280 --> 1609.240] And the science? +[1609.240 --> 1611.040] The science proves it. +[1611.040 --> 1612.240] Thank you. diff --git a/transcript/TED_K0pxo-dS9Hc.txt b/transcript/TED_K0pxo-dS9Hc.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..6792a9e816e7b8917a8df1d72622044acbb4a47d --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_K0pxo-dS9Hc.txt @@ -0,0 +1,141 @@ +[0.000 --> 13.960] All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my passion and to my love and, according +[13.960 --> 17.920] to my wife, my mistress in life. +[17.920 --> 26.240] Seven years ago, I embarked on a journey to analyze 5,000 public speakers from all over +[26.240 --> 33.080] the world, amateurs and professionals, in order to distill and understand what makes a good +[33.080 --> 42.080] speaker good, what makes a great speaker great, and what makes an outstanding speaker outstanding. +[42.080 --> 50.320] The result? 110 core skills. +[50.320 --> 60.920] Good loads of subskills. So what does it look like? It looks like this. These are the 110 core +[60.920 --> 70.280] skills and the equation is simple. The more of them you fulfill, the greater you are. +[70.280 --> 78.000] Now 110 skills, that's quite a tad too many to go through in one TED talk, don't you agree? +[78.000 --> 84.880] So what I've done is I've picked out my absolute favorites and I'd like to show you a demonstration +[84.880 --> 92.640] of what it can look like. Imagine that this chair is something that you want somebody else +[92.640 --> 97.080] to believe in. You want somebody else to buy into this. This is your idea. This is you +[97.080 --> 104.840] wanting to make your voice heard. This gives you two options. Either you're on this side +[104.840 --> 109.360] of the chair and you're a fairly mediocre communicator, you shoot from the hip, you hope for +[109.360 --> 117.160] the best and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Option number two is that you're +[117.160 --> 121.560] on this side of the chair and you know exactly what you're doing in every instance of time. +[121.560 --> 128.000] You know that by taking a step forward, you increase focus. You know that by tilting your +[128.000 --> 134.280] head slightly to the side, you increase empathy. You know that by changing the pace of what +[134.280 --> 144.360] you are saying, you increase focus and you know that by shifting yourself lower, you increase +[144.360 --> 153.400] trust and you know that by lowering your voice, you get anticipation and you know for absolute +[153.400 --> 167.960] certain. That if you pause, you get absolute and undivided attention. Now the question then +[167.960 --> 173.960] is can everyone be on this side of the chair? Can everyone become good at these skills? +[173.960 --> 181.560] What do you think the answer is? Of course it is. Why? Because it's called presentation, +[181.560 --> 187.240] skills, skills, skills, skills, skills. It is not. It has never been a shall never be called +[187.240 --> 192.880] a talent. You're not born with a particular gene that makes you brilliant on stage. Something +[192.880 --> 200.080] you quiet through life. Now as I said, 110 skills, that's quite the number. So what I've +[200.080 --> 206.000] chosen to do is I've picked out the five, would I say most important skills? Whenever somebody +[206.000 --> 212.480] comes to me and they want coaching, this is what I focus on. And then I'll actually give you +[212.480 --> 219.680] four bonus skills at the end as well. Sounds okay? So let's start with two of my favorite from +[219.680 --> 229.120] body language, which is skill 34 and skill 69. That is not intentional. That's 34. What am I doing? +[230.080 --> 236.640] What could I be doing differently in this case? Ladies and gentlemen, it is an absolute pleasure to +[236.640 --> 242.240] have you here today. Good of you to come. What should I have avoided? I should have avoided +[242.240 --> 246.640] closing my body language because whenever a human being closes their body language, it is a +[246.640 --> 252.640] sign that they feel threatened in one way or another. So I should have continued with an open +[252.640 --> 257.680] of body language. So let's have a look at number 69, which looks like this. I'll have to start +[257.760 --> 263.920] up here. So when a presenter starts like this, they go, what should I do better now? Ladies and +[263.920 --> 269.280] gentlemen, welcome to one of the most influential subjects known to mankind. Now this will be super +[269.280 --> 274.960] interesting. We'll be going through this. You'll have you having an amazing time. Wow, it'll blow you +[274.960 --> 282.800] away. What should I have avoided? Reversing. Look what a doubling correct looks like. It looks like +[282.800 --> 287.920] this. Ladies and gentlemen, absolute pleasure to have you here. Good of you to come. +[287.920 --> 293.760] Well, a double correct looks like this. Ladies and gentlemen, an absolute pleasure to have you here. +[293.760 --> 300.080] Good of you to come. Is there a difference? Of course there is. The biggest difference is in here. +[300.080 --> 305.600] I can feel a difference while doing those two versions. You become what you are. +[306.480 --> 314.080] Now let's ask ourselves, yeah, but David, the close body language things. What should I do with +[314.080 --> 319.360] me hands? How should I put them? And the interesting thing with the close body language is that +[320.720 --> 326.400] wherever I went, all over the world studying these people, it seems like we've got a general +[326.400 --> 332.160] kind of locked body language positions. And I'll show you my favorites that I found. We've +[332.160 --> 336.080] obviously got the classical fig leaf position. Then we have the double bunny position. +[337.120 --> 341.040] You have the right bunny position, the left bunny position, the right hawkled, the left +[341.040 --> 346.240] tackle. Then you have the fork lift. You of course have the peacock with flapping elbows. +[346.240 --> 353.840] You have the major, the merkle, the prayer, and the bigger. One of my personal favorites is the +[353.840 --> 359.120] the British horse rider. And the British horse rider. It's a person who holds their hands like this, +[359.120 --> 363.920] puts it just above the chest and it's like they're off somewhere. Oh, God, they're a fox over here. +[364.960 --> 370.400] And then we found two T-rexas as well in the study. It's such a weird thing presenting like this, +[370.400 --> 377.200] or like this. Okay, so you mean, David, that we need to have an open body language. Yeah, that's +[377.200 --> 380.720] what I mean. And I'm not allowed to have them in my pockets, not allowed to have them in my major, +[380.720 --> 388.080] or the double bunny. No. But what on earth should I do with them then? What you should use them for is +[388.080 --> 392.960] what is called functional gesturing to show that something is getting better. Well, that something +[392.960 --> 399.120] is getting less good, or that it's one, two, three, four, five that we are going to go through. Use +[399.120 --> 404.880] your gestures for what they're supposed to be used for. And what's interesting with this is that +[404.880 --> 410.800] if you imagine the time we've spent on this planet as our race, how much of that time have we +[410.800 --> 416.240] spent using gestures and nonverbal communication in order to communicate what we're saying? Is that +[416.240 --> 423.920] more than verbal? Absolutely. Give me a, let me give you an demonstration of how important it is. +[424.640 --> 429.600] So I'll say something now, and everything I say will be super positive. My facial expressions +[429.600 --> 433.920] will be super positive, and the way I say it will be super positive, but my hands will be saying +[433.920 --> 440.000] the opposite. Are you with me? Because this requires some focus. All of you should learn more +[440.000 --> 444.880] about public speaking, because if you do that, you will become better. You will grow, and you will +[444.880 --> 449.440] develop as a human being. People will love your presentations, listening to your arguments, +[449.440 --> 455.440] and just generally loving whatever you're doing. So do yourself a great favor. Learn more about +[455.440 --> 460.080] this particular subject, because you'll be thanking yourself for the rest of your life. And +[460.080 --> 464.800] particularly you have been absolutely incredible, so I thank you for listening here. +[464.800 --> 472.000] Thank you. +[474.560 --> 479.360] Now the question is this, did you listen to what I was saying or what I was doing? I believe that +[479.360 --> 483.840] you focused entirely on what I was doing, and that is the case with body language and gestures. +[483.840 --> 489.120] If it's not saying the same thing as what you're saying verbally, there's a discrepancy and a +[489.120 --> 498.160] disturbance in the communication. Let's move on from body language to a couple of tips on voice. +[499.680 --> 503.440] And the first one I'm going to give you is about pace. So listen to this. +[504.320 --> 507.840] Ladies and gentlemen, what I'm going to take you through now is incredibly important now, +[507.840 --> 511.200] and for the rest of your future life, we'll go through the cortex, we'll go through the limbic +[511.200 --> 515.360] and the retillion system. We'll go through a psychological advanced profile where we'll take you +[515.360 --> 518.800] through the entire steps of the structure, we'll then look at how that relates to Aristotle +[518.800 --> 523.520] as Ethos, Loughes and Pathos, and I'll carry on in this pace. Compare that to this. +[525.040 --> 531.920] Ladies and gentlemen, I'm now going to take you through something that is entirely and utterly +[531.920 --> 540.000] boring, something that you will have no use of in your entire life, in every second spent +[540.000 --> 548.960] listening to me now and on will be a waste of time. Now look at your faces, you're like, +[548.960 --> 554.640] whoa, that last bit, I want more of that, that was super interesting, the useless stuff, yeah, +[554.640 --> 561.920] I don't want the brain so much, I want the second bit. Why? Because your brains, they react to when +[561.920 --> 567.760] a person has a low pace, you think that what I'm saying is more important than whenever I have a +[567.760 --> 572.800] high pace because that illustrates that I don't really want to be there, there are exceptions to +[572.800 --> 583.680] this rule but that is the basics. So keep a calm pace. My next tip goes on pauses, the pauses, +[583.680 --> 589.280] the pauses, the pauses are important, absolutely it is. So let me give you a classical rhetorical +[589.280 --> 597.440] proverb now without pauses and it goes like this. Did you know that every single decision you've +[597.440 --> 601.760] taken in your entire life and will take for the rest of your life is based on one thing and one +[601.760 --> 607.760] thing only. If you give that to the people listening to you that is the feeling, that is what will move +[607.760 --> 620.000] them. Now I'll add pauses and it sounds like this. Did you know that every single decision you've +[620.000 --> 624.880] taken in your entire life and you will take for the rest of your life is based on one thing and one +[624.880 --> 636.560] thing only and that is an emotion. Now if you give that emotion to the people listening to you, +[636.560 --> 644.080] they will take the decisions you want them to take. Is there a difference? Absolutely. +[645.920 --> 654.000] But you know what? Some people are afraid of the pause. So you go like, whoo! I'm going to do one of +[654.000 --> 663.360] those. I'm not. I refuse. I prefer to compromise. And you know what the compromise for pauses? +[664.480 --> 675.360] What does it sound like? Yeah. It's like a scock of sheep when you listen to certain conferences. +[675.520 --> 687.360] There's nothing among these 110 skills that lowers your ethos and your credibility more than +[689.600 --> 694.560] because it signals that you don't know what you are saying and where you're going in your talk. +[697.200 --> 703.600] So let me give you an demonstration. Did you know that every single decision you've taken in +[703.600 --> 708.240] your entire life and will take for the rest of your life is based on one thing and one thing only. +[712.960 --> 723.360] And that is a feeling. I think you prefer the one with silence. +[726.320 --> 733.040] Now those were the five main skills I wanted to take you through. And if you haven't used them +[733.040 --> 738.240] before and you start using them as a public speaker, they will make a difference to your speech. +[740.560 --> 747.520] I'd like to treat you to four small skills as well. Just to give you an appreciation of how small a +[747.520 --> 753.600] skill can be, but still have a great impact. And it looks like this. +[754.560 --> 763.680] And those were the four skills. Did you follow them? +[765.360 --> 773.440] Number one was I looked up, which illustrates that I'm thinking, which increases your sense of +[773.440 --> 779.920] presence for me on stage. The second thing I did was that I did an audible inhale, +[780.640 --> 784.000] which makes your brain believe that I'm going to say something that's exciting. +[785.920 --> 792.960] I then combine that with a decaying smile, which means that I smile with my mouth and with my eyes. +[796.640 --> 805.280] Did you fall for it? Because what I did as well was this. I did it self-lafter. And also that +[805.280 --> 811.040] increases anticipation of what I'm going to say. So four small skills executed in five seconds, +[811.040 --> 817.920] changes the state of your mind. I'd like to pick out one of those and just end off with that. +[818.480 --> 824.080] That is the decaying smile. Decaying smiles has in study shown that you are more likely to be married, +[824.080 --> 827.360] less likely to be divorced, you're happier, you're more content with life. +[830.000 --> 833.920] And you actually are more relaxed in situations like this. +[835.360 --> 840.720] So I asked myself am I a decaying smiling person? And to figure that out, I walked over to my +[840.720 --> 846.560] computer and I logged in and I looked at all my 60,000 Google photos, they're not all of me, but +[847.200 --> 852.320] of family members and others. I looked at mine and it seemed like my brain required short of a +[852.320 --> 859.280] miracle to do a decaying smile, where you smile with your entire face. I thought that's not fair +[859.280 --> 865.120] and considering the psychological benefits, I better learn this. So I spend not four but six months +[865.120 --> 870.960] learning how to do a decaying smile. And suddenly my brain was launching decaying smiles in just +[870.960 --> 878.720] everyday happiness. It's beautiful and I felt happier as a human being. I want to show you what it +[878.720 --> 886.080] looks like. Now every time I go on my summer holidays, I take a photo of myself and these were +[886.080 --> 896.000] the last years of those photos. This was 2014, there's no decaying smile. 2015, definitely, no decaying +[896.000 --> 906.480] smile. 2016, still no decaying smile. 2017, no decaying smile. This year, decaying smile. +[907.840 --> 913.680] Does it make a difference? Absolutely. It brings joy to you and stability to me. +[913.680 --> 921.680] Now we've come to the end of this talk and I would like to end with something that relates to boxing. +[921.680 --> 929.040] You know Muhammad Ali and the likes, they have combinations for when they're going to strike +[929.040 --> 935.520] somebody, knock out. And the same kind of combinations exist in public speaking as well. +[935.520 --> 942.960] So what I'd like to show you is this combination. I'm going to start with the number 34, go to number +[942.960 --> 951.520] 8 and then we'll carry on to 69 and 98 to 67 and 18, 22 and 101 and 21. Are you ready for the +[951.520 --> 961.200] combination? Okay, looks like this. Ladies and gentlemen, I hope that you've had fun, that you +[961.200 --> 971.440] have learned, but more than anything, I hope that you feel inspired to become a greater public speaker. +[972.320 --> 979.040] Because anybody can become good, anybody can come great and everybody can become outstanding, +[979.040 --> 989.680] because it all comes down to one single thing. diff --git a/transcript/TED_Ks-_Mh1QhMc.txt b/transcript/TED_Ks-_Mh1QhMc.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..81d78b3d3ebba5a05f9ca400244613608b8d13f4 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_Ks-_Mh1QhMc.txt @@ -0,0 +1,206 @@ +[0.000 --> 23.840] So I want to start by offering you a free no tech life hack and all it requires of you +[23.840 --> 30.960] is this that you change your posture for two minutes. But before I give it away, I want to ask you to +[30.960 --> 36.000] right now do a little audit of your body and what you're doing with your body. So how many of you +[36.000 --> 41.120] are sort of making yourself smaller, maybe you're hunching, crossing your legs, maybe wrapping your +[41.120 --> 52.000] ankles, sometimes we hold onto our arms like this, sometimes we spread out. I see you. So I want you +[52.000 --> 56.160] to pay attention to what you're doing right now. We're going to come back to that in a few minutes +[56.160 --> 61.040] and I'm hoping that if you sort of learn to tweak this a little bit, it could significantly change +[61.040 --> 68.640] the way your life unfolds. So we're really fascinated with body language and we're particularly +[68.640 --> 73.920] interested in other people's body language. You know, we're interested in like, you know, +[73.920 --> 85.280] a an awkward interaction or a smile or a contemptuous glance or maybe a very awkward wink or maybe even +[85.280 --> 91.280] something like a handshake. Here they are arriving at number 10 and look at this lucky policeman gets +[91.280 --> 96.800] the shake hands with the president of the United States. Oh, here comes the prime minister of it. No. +[96.800 --> 109.440] So a handshake or the lack of a handshake can have us talking for weeks and weeks and weeks, +[109.440 --> 116.080] even the BBC and the New York Times. So obviously when we think about nonverbal behavior or body language, +[116.080 --> 121.120] but we call it nonverbals as social scientists, it's language. So we think about communication. +[121.120 --> 125.520] When we think about communication, we think about interactions. So what is your body language +[125.520 --> 132.240] communicating to me? What's mine communicating to you? And there's a lot of reason to believe that this +[132.240 --> 137.840] is a valid way to look at this. So social scientists have spent a lot of time looking at the effects of +[137.840 --> 143.200] of our body language or other people's body language on judgments and we make sweeping judgments and +[143.200 --> 149.280] inferences from body language and those judgments can predict really meaningful life outcomes like +[149.280 --> 153.600] who we hire or promote, who we ask out on the date. For example, +[155.200 --> 161.200] Nallini Ambody, a researcher at Tufts University shows that when people watch 30-second +[161.200 --> 166.800] soundless clips of real physician patient interactions, their judgments of the physician's +[166.800 --> 172.160] niceness predict whether or not that physician will be sued. So it doesn't have to do so much with +[172.160 --> 176.160] whether or not that physician was incompetent, but do we like that person and how they interacted? +[177.120 --> 184.160] Even more dramatic, Alex Todorovic Princeton has shown us that judgments of political candidates faces +[184.160 --> 194.400] in just one second predicts 70% of US Senate and gubernatorial race outcomes. And even, let's go digital, +[194.400 --> 201.040] in modacons used well in online negotiations can lead you to claim more value from that negotiation +[201.200 --> 207.520] if you use them poorly, bad idea. Right? So when we think of non-verbals, we think of how we judge +[207.520 --> 212.560] others, how they judge us and what the outcomes are. We tend to forget though the other audience +[212.560 --> 218.880] that's influenced by our non-verbals and that's ourselves. We are also influenced by our non-verbals, +[218.880 --> 225.040] our thoughts and our feelings and our physiology. So what non-verbals am I talking about? I'm a social +[225.040 --> 231.440] psychologist, I study prejudice and I teach it a competitive business school. So it was +[231.440 --> 237.200] inevitable that I would become interested in power dynamics. I became especially interested in +[237.200 --> 242.960] non-verbal expressions of power and dominance. And what are non-verbal expressions of power and +[242.960 --> 248.720] dominance? Well, this is what they are. So in the animal kingdom, they are about expanding. So you +[248.720 --> 255.440] make yourself big, you stretch out, you take up space, you're basically opening up, it's about opening +[255.440 --> 262.480] up. And this is true across the animal kingdom. It's not just limited to primates and humans do the +[262.480 --> 268.960] same thing. So they do this both when they have power sort of chronically and also when they're +[268.960 --> 274.160] feeling powerful in the moment. And this one is especially interesting because it really shows us +[274.160 --> 280.480] how universal and old these expressions of power are. This expression, which is known as pride, +[281.120 --> 286.640] Jessica Tracy has studied, she shows that people who are born with sight and people who are +[286.640 --> 292.080] can generally blind do this when they win at a physical competition. So when they cross the +[292.080 --> 296.880] finish line and they won, it doesn't matter if they've never seen anyone do it, they do this. So the +[296.880 --> 302.000] arms up in the V, the chin is slightly lifted. What are we doing when we feel powerless? We do +[302.000 --> 307.920] exactly the opposite. We close up, we wrap ourselves up, we make ourselves small, we don't want to +[307.920 --> 313.760] bump into the person next to us. So again, both animals and humans do the same thing. And this is +[313.760 --> 319.760] what happens when you put together high and low power. So what we tend to do when it comes to power +[319.760 --> 324.960] is that we compliment the others non-verbals. So if someone's being really powerful with us, we +[324.960 --> 331.040] tend to make ourselves smaller. We don't mirror them, we do the opposite of them. So I'm watching this +[331.040 --> 340.400] behavior in the classroom. And what do I notice? I notice that MBA students really exhibit the +[340.400 --> 345.280] full range of power non-verbals. So you have people who are like caricatures of alphas, like really +[345.280 --> 349.840] coming to the room, they get right into the middle of the room before class even starts, like they +[349.840 --> 354.560] really want to occupy space. When they sit down, they're sort of spread out, they raise their hands +[354.560 --> 360.080] like this. You have other people who are virtually collapsing when they come in, as soon as they come +[360.080 --> 364.160] and you see it. You see it on their faces and their bodies. And they sit in their chair and they +[364.160 --> 369.760] make themselves tiny. And they go like this when they raise their hand. I notice a couple things about +[369.760 --> 376.960] this. One, you're not going to be surprised. It seems to be related to gender. So women are much more +[376.960 --> 382.800] likely to do this kind of thing than men. Women feel chronically less powerful than men. So this is +[382.800 --> 389.040] not surprising. But the other thing I notice is that it also seemed to be related to the extent to which +[389.040 --> 394.240] the students were participating and how well they were participating. And this is really important +[394.240 --> 400.400] in the MBA classroom because participation counts for half the grade. So, business schools have +[400.400 --> 405.120] been struggling with its gender grade gap. You get these equally qualified women and men coming in +[406.160 --> 411.040] and then you get these differences in grades and it seems to be partly attributable to participation. +[411.040 --> 416.400] So I started to wonder, you know, okay, so you have these people coming in like this and they're +[416.400 --> 421.360] participating. Is it possible that we could get people to fake it and would it lead them to +[421.360 --> 428.080] participate more? So my main collaborator, Dana Karney, who's at Berkeley and I really wanted to +[428.080 --> 433.760] know can you fake it so you make it? Like can you do this just for a little while and actually +[433.760 --> 439.520] experience a behavioral outcome that makes you seem more powerful? So we know that our non-verbals +[439.520 --> 443.520] govern how other people think and feel about us. There's a lot of evidence. But our question really +[443.520 --> 450.640] was do our non-verbals govern how we think and feel about ourselves? There's some evidence that +[450.640 --> 458.080] they do. So for example, when we smile when we feel happy but also when we're forced to smile by +[458.080 --> 465.040] holding a pen in our teeth like this, it makes us feel happy. So it goes both ways. When it comes to +[465.040 --> 472.800] power, it also goes both ways. So when you feel powerful, you're more likely to do this, but it's +[472.800 --> 481.760] also possible that when you pretend to be powerful, you are more likely to actually feel powerful. +[482.720 --> 488.240] So the second question really was, you know, so we know that our minds change our bodies, +[488.240 --> 494.480] but is it also true that our bodies change our minds? And when I say minds in the case of the +[494.480 --> 499.600] powerful, what am I talking about? So I'm talking about thoughts and feelings and the sort of +[499.600 --> 504.080] physiological things that make up our thoughts and feelings. And in my case, that's hormones. +[504.080 --> 509.120] I look at hormones. So what do the minds of the powerful versus the powerless look like? +[510.080 --> 516.000] So powerful people tend to be not surprisingly more assertive and more confident, +[516.640 --> 520.720] more optimistic. They actually feel that they're going to win even at games of chance. +[522.240 --> 527.200] They also tend to be able to think more abstractly. So there are a lot of differences. They take +[527.200 --> 532.480] more risks. There are a lot of differences between powerful and powerless people. Physiologically, +[532.480 --> 538.080] there are also our differences. On two key hormones, testosterone, which is the dominant swarm +[538.080 --> 548.080] mong, and cortisol, which is the stress hormone. So what we find is that high power alpha-mails and +[548.080 --> 555.120] primate hierarchies have high testosterone and low cortisol. And powerful and effective leaders +[555.120 --> 560.640] also have high testosterone and low cortisol. So what does that mean? When do you think about power, +[560.640 --> 565.200] 10 people tended to think only about testosterone because that was about dominance. But really, +[565.200 --> 571.280] power is also about how you react to stress. So do you want the high power leader that's dominant, +[571.280 --> 576.720] high on testosterone, but really stress reactive? Probably not, right? You want the person who's +[576.720 --> 582.320] powerful and assertive and dominant, but not very stress reactive, the person who's laid back. So +[583.280 --> 592.000] we know that in primate hierarchies, if an alpha needs to take over, if an individual needs to take +[592.000 --> 597.520] over an alpha role, sort of suddenly, within a few days, that individual's testosterone has gone +[597.520 --> 603.840] up significantly and cortisol has dropped significantly. So we have this evidence, both that the body +[603.840 --> 610.720] can shape the mind at least at the facial level, and also that role changes can shape the mind. +[610.800 --> 616.240] So what happens? Okay, you take a role change. What happens if you do that at a really minimal level? +[616.240 --> 621.120] Like this tiny manipulation, this tiny intervention, for two minutes you say, I want you to stand +[621.120 --> 627.920] like this and it's going to make you feel more powerful. So this is what we did. We decided to +[627.920 --> 634.480] bring people into the lab and run a little experiment. And these people adopted for two minutes, +[635.040 --> 640.400] either high power poses or low power poses. And I'm just going to show you five of the poses, +[640.400 --> 649.920] although they took on only two. So here's one, a couple more. This one has been dubbed the Wonder Woman +[649.920 --> 656.480] by the media. Here are a couple more. So you can be standing or you can be sitting. And here are +[656.480 --> 663.680] the low power poses. So you're folding up, you're making yourself small. This one is very low power. +[663.680 --> 669.520] When you're touching your neck, you're really kind of protecting yourself. So this is what happens. +[669.520 --> 675.120] They come in, they spit into a vial. For two minutes say, you need to do this or this. They don't +[675.120 --> 679.040] look at pictures of the poses. We don't want to prime them with a concept of power. We want them to +[679.040 --> 684.640] be feeling power. So two minutes they do this, we then ask them how powerful do you feel on a +[684.640 --> 691.040] series of items. And then we give them an opportunity to gamble. And then we take another saliva sample. +[691.040 --> 695.600] That's it. That's the whole experiment. So this is what we find. Risk tolerance, which is the +[695.600 --> 702.960] gambling. What we find is that when you're in the high power pose condition, 86% of you will gamble. +[702.960 --> 707.520] When you're in the low power pose condition, only 60%. And that's a pretty whopping significant +[707.520 --> 714.160] difference. Here's what we find on testosterone. From their baseline, when they come in, high power +[714.160 --> 721.840] people experience about a 20% increase. And low power people experience about a 10% decrease. So +[721.840 --> 727.440] again, two minutes and you get these changes. Here's what you get on cortisol. High power people +[727.440 --> 734.560] experience about a 25% decrease. And the low power people experience about a 15% increase. +[734.560 --> 740.160] So two minutes lead to these hormonal changes that configure your brain to basically be either +[740.720 --> 747.520] assertive, confident, and comfortable or really stress reactive. And you know, feeling sort of +[747.520 --> 754.480] shut down. And we've all had that feeling, right? So it seems that our nonverbales do govern +[754.480 --> 758.320] how we think and feel about ourselves. So it's not just others, but it's also ourselves. +[759.120 --> 764.880] Also our bodies change our minds. But the next question of course is, can power posing for a few +[764.880 --> 769.840] minutes really change your life in meaningful ways? So this isn't a lab. It's this little task. +[769.840 --> 773.680] You know, it's just a couple of minutes. You know, where can you actually apply this, which we +[773.680 --> 780.160] cared about of course. And so we think it's really what matters. I mean, where you want to use +[780.160 --> 785.680] this is evaluative situations like social threat situations. Where are you being evaluated, +[785.680 --> 790.800] either by your friends like for teenagers at the lunchroom table. It could be, you know, for some +[790.800 --> 797.280] people speaking at a school board meeting, it might be giving a pitch or giving a talk like this +[797.280 --> 802.960] or doing a job interview. We decided that the one that most people could relate to because most +[802.960 --> 809.280] people had been through was the job interview. So we published these findings and the media are all +[809.280 --> 813.360] over it and they say, okay, so this is what you do when you go in for the job interview, right? +[814.800 --> 819.040] You know, so we were of course horrified and it said, oh my god, no, no, no, that's not what we meant +[819.040 --> 824.560] at all for numerous reasons. No, no, no, don't do that. Again, this is not about you talking to other +[824.560 --> 829.440] people. It's you talking to yourself. What do you do before you go into a job interview? You do this, +[829.440 --> 833.280] right? You're sitting down, you're looking at your iPhone or your Android and not trying to leave +[833.280 --> 838.160] anyone out. You are, you know, you're looking at your notes, you're hunting up, making yourself small +[838.160 --> 843.200] and really what you should be doing maybe is this like in the bathroom, right? Do that, fine two +[843.200 --> 848.480] minutes. So that's what we want to test, okay? So we bring people into a lab and they do a cup, +[848.480 --> 853.760] they do either higher low power poses again. They go through a very stressful job interview. It's +[853.760 --> 861.360] five minutes long. They are being recorded, they're being judged also and the judges are trained +[861.360 --> 866.640] to give no nonverbal feedback. So they look like this, like imagine this is the person interviewing +[866.640 --> 874.160] you. So for five minutes, nothing. And this is worse than being heckled. People hate this. It's +[874.160 --> 879.600] what, Mary Ann LeFrance calls standing in social quicksand. So this really spikes your cortisol. +[879.600 --> 883.120] So this is the job interview we put them through because we really wanted to see what happened. +[884.080 --> 888.960] We then have these coders look at these tapes for them. They're blind to the hypothesis, +[888.960 --> 895.360] they're blind to the conditions. They have no idea who's been posing in what pose and they end up +[896.160 --> 900.880] looking at these sets of tapes and they say, oh, we want to hire these people, all the high power +[900.880 --> 906.320] of posters. We don't want to hire these people. We also evaluate these people much more positively +[906.320 --> 912.800] overall. But what's driving it? It's not about the content of the speech. It's about the presence +[912.800 --> 916.560] that they're bringing to the speech. We also, because we rate them on all these variables related +[916.560 --> 920.800] to sort of confidence, like how well structured it is the speech, how good is it? What are their +[920.800 --> 926.480] qualifications? No effect on those things. This is what's affected. These kinds of things. +[926.480 --> 930.880] People are bringing their true selves, basically. They're bringing themselves. They bring their ideas, +[930.880 --> 938.240] but as themselves with no residue over them. So this is what's driving the effect or mediating the +[938.240 --> 945.440] effect. So when I tell people about this that our bodies change our minds and our minds can change +[945.440 --> 950.560] our behavior and our behavior can change our outcomes, they say to me, I don't, it feels fake, +[950.560 --> 956.720] right? So I said fake it till you make it. It's not me. I don't want to get there and then +[956.720 --> 960.880] still feel like a fraud. I don't want to feel like an imposter. I don't want to get there only to +[960.880 --> 967.040] feel like I'm not supposed to be here. And that really resonated with me because I want to tell you +[967.040 --> 972.320] a little story about being an imposter and feeling like I'm not supposed to be here. When I was 19, +[973.040 --> 978.400] I was in a really bad car accident. I was thrown out of a car, rolled several times. I was thrown +[978.400 --> 984.320] from the car and I woke up in a head injury rehab ward and I had been withdrawn from college. +[985.680 --> 993.360] And I learned that my IQ had dropped by two standard deviations, which was very traumatic. +[993.360 --> 998.240] I knew my IQ because I had identified with being smart and I had been called gifted as a child. +[998.240 --> 1002.800] So I'm taken out of college. I keep trying to go back. They say you're not going to finish college. +[1002.800 --> 1007.280] Like just, you know, there are other things for you to do, but that's not going to work out for you. +[1008.000 --> 1013.840] So I really struggled with this and I have to say, having your identity taken from you, your core +[1013.840 --> 1018.720] identity and for me it was being smart. Having that taken from you, there's nothing that leaves you +[1018.720 --> 1023.680] feeling more powerless than that. So I felt entirely powerless. I worked and worked and worked and I +[1023.680 --> 1029.120] got lucky and worked and got lucky and worked. Eventually I graduated from college. It took me four +[1029.120 --> 1036.560] years longer than my peers and I convinced someone, my angel advisor, Susan Fisk, to take me on. +[1036.560 --> 1041.760] And so I ended up at Princeton and I was like, I am not supposed to be here. I am an imposter. +[1042.240 --> 1046.080] And the night before my first year of talking, the first year of talking at Princeton is a 20-minute +[1046.080 --> 1052.640] talk to 20 people. That's it. I was so afraid of being found out the next day that I called her and +[1052.640 --> 1058.640] said, I'm quitting. She was like, you are not quitting because I took a gamble on you and you're staying. +[1058.640 --> 1062.880] You're going to stay and this is what you're going to do. You're going to fake it. You're going to +[1062.880 --> 1067.200] take, you're going to do every talk that you ever get asked to do. You're just going to do it and do +[1067.200 --> 1072.800] it and do it even if you're terrified and just paralyzed and having an out of body experience. +[1072.800 --> 1078.080] And until you have this moment where you say, oh my gosh, I'm doing it. I have become this. +[1078.080 --> 1082.880] I am actually doing this. So that's what I did. Five years in grad school. A few years, I'm at +[1082.880 --> 1088.240] Northwestern. I moved to Harvard. I'm at Harvard. I'm not really thinking about it anymore. But for a +[1088.240 --> 1092.640] long time, I had been thinking not supposed to be here. Not supposed to be here. So the end of my +[1092.640 --> 1099.680] first year at Harvard, a student who had not talked in class the entire semester who I'd said, +[1099.680 --> 1103.600] look, you've got to participate or else you're going to fail. Came into my office. I really didn't +[1103.600 --> 1110.960] know where it all. And she said, she came in totally defeated and she said, I'm not supposed to be here. +[1116.080 --> 1121.040] And that was the moment for me because two things happened. One was that I realized, oh my gosh, +[1121.040 --> 1126.080] I don't feel like that anymore. I don't feel that anymore. But she does. And I get that feeling. +[1126.080 --> 1131.360] And the second one, she is supposed to be here. Like she can fake it. She can become it. So I was like, +[1131.920 --> 1136.400] yes, you are. You are supposed to be here. And tomorrow you're going to fake it. You're going to make +[1136.400 --> 1149.680] yourself powerful. And you're going to go into the classroom. And you are going to give the best +[1149.680 --> 1155.200] comment ever. And she gave the best comment ever. And people turned around and they were like, oh my +[1155.200 --> 1161.120] god, I didn't even notice her sitting there. She comes back to me months later and I realized that +[1161.120 --> 1166.960] she had not just faked it until she made it. She had actually faked it until she became it. So she had +[1166.960 --> 1173.280] changed. And so I want to say to you, don't fake it until you make it. Fake it until you become it. +[1174.400 --> 1179.040] It's not do it enough until you actually become it and internalize. The last thing I'm going to +[1179.040 --> 1188.640] leave you with is this tiny tweaks can lead to big changes. So this is two minutes, two minutes, +[1188.640 --> 1193.440] two minutes, two minutes. Before you go into the next stressful evaluative situation, for two +[1193.440 --> 1198.720] minutes, try doing this in the elevator in a bathroom stall at your desk behind closed doors. +[1198.720 --> 1203.600] That's what you want to do. Get configure your brain to cope the best in that situation. Get your +[1203.600 --> 1208.800] testosterone up. Get your cortisol down. Don't leave that situation feeling like, oh, I didn't show +[1208.800 --> 1213.680] them who I am. Leave that situation feeling like, oh, I really feel like I got to say who I am and +[1213.680 --> 1222.240] show who I am. So I want to ask you first, you know, both to try power posing. And also, I want to +[1222.240 --> 1228.080] ask you to share this science because this is simple. I don't have ego involved in this. Give it +[1228.080 --> 1232.000] away. Like share it with people because the people who can use it the most are the ones with no +[1232.000 --> 1239.280] resources and no technology and no status and no power. Give it to them because they can do it +[1239.280 --> 1244.640] in private. They need their bodies, privacy and two minutes and it can significantly change the +[1244.640 --> 1255.360] outcomes of their life. Thank you. diff --git a/transcript/TED_L9UIF852Boo.txt b/transcript/TED_L9UIF852Boo.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..17f531bb05b971d082d1eda5c12f7d19c668d3ce --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_L9UIF852Boo.txt @@ -0,0 +1,494 @@ +[0.000 --> 11.320] I want to see something cool. +[11.320 --> 13.600] Yeah. +[13.600 --> 21.960] In my right hand, I am holding a tiny little paper ketchup cup. +[21.960 --> 28.960] This tiny little paper ketchup cup, what most people don't know is that less than 1% of +[28.960 --> 32.200] these ketchup cups ever reach their full potential. +[32.200 --> 37.280] And that is a made up statistic to get your attention. +[37.280 --> 41.520] In all seriousness, these little tiny paper ketchup cups, when you go to get them, how +[41.520 --> 44.080] many do you have to fill up with ketchup? +[44.080 --> 46.160] So like one or two, how many? +[46.160 --> 49.360] This is a participation part of the program. +[49.360 --> 51.880] Three, five, a tray full. +[51.880 --> 57.040] What most people don't know is that there's little folds in this paper-catch-up cup that +[57.040 --> 62.320] if you pop it open, can turn to three times its size. +[62.320 --> 68.960] Where in your life do you have untapped potential that's hiding in plain sight? +[68.960 --> 70.760] Maybe it's not hiding at all. +[70.760 --> 73.200] Maybe you know your own potential. +[73.200 --> 77.680] It's just you didn't do anything about it because you don't want to challenge the status +[77.680 --> 78.680] quo. +[78.680 --> 83.520] Or maybe because you just want to be like everybody else. +[83.520 --> 88.080] Because you thought you were doing the right thing at that time and you didn't speak +[88.080 --> 89.080] up. +[89.080 --> 93.000] Now your car payment is more expensive than you thought it was going to be because you +[93.000 --> 96.480] didn't try to pull at the folds that are right in front of you. +[96.480 --> 99.560] Or maybe because you just didn't know what to say. +[99.560 --> 102.960] You ever have one of those moments where you're like, I feel like I could have gotten +[102.960 --> 105.280] what I wanted it if I just knew what to say. +[105.280 --> 106.840] You ever had those moments? +[106.840 --> 109.480] We're going to flip that script today. +[109.480 --> 112.160] There are three words to getting what you want. +[112.160 --> 117.000] I teach these words to people around the world and I'm going to share them with you today +[117.000 --> 120.000] so you can start getting what you want. +[120.000 --> 124.360] Those three words are decided, those LY words. +[124.360 --> 130.240] You know the LY words typically, usually, normally, ordinarily, so the LY words. +[130.240 --> 135.480] And the last one is the most powerful, lead persuasive word, which is the word because. +[135.480 --> 139.240] And we're going to explore these three words and help us remember them. +[139.240 --> 142.080] I've created a little cheeky expression for us. +[142.080 --> 151.280] It's decidedly because changes what was, decidedly because changes what was. +[151.280 --> 156.560] These three words decided the LY words and because can change everything for us. +[156.560 --> 161.120] If we know when to listen for them and what to do once we hear them. +[161.120 --> 165.280] Now I want to share with you a couple stories and we're going to have interactive exercises. +[165.280 --> 167.000] We're going to do our own little studies here. +[167.000 --> 171.080] We're going to see how do these words show up in our lives and how come we're missing +[171.080 --> 172.080] them. +[172.080 --> 175.840] These paper folded cups in our lives and we're not hearing them. +[175.840 --> 181.200] What's happening to us and what do we do in those moments? +[181.200 --> 183.120] I'm the oldest of three children. +[183.120 --> 184.800] I have two younger sisters. +[184.800 --> 186.840] My husband is the oldest of three children. +[186.840 --> 189.080] He is a younger brother and a younger sister. +[189.080 --> 193.400] When my husband and I got married, we all thought both of us and our families that we would +[193.400 --> 195.800] end up with three kids. +[195.800 --> 197.560] That was our dream right out of the gate, right? +[197.560 --> 199.240] So we come from family of three. +[199.240 --> 200.800] We're going to have three. +[200.840 --> 206.480] Before we gave birth to Angus, we realized how wrong our dream was. +[206.480 --> 208.000] It wasn't going to happen. +[208.000 --> 214.400] We struggled with infertility for seven years and I'm not alone. +[214.400 --> 219.400] Statistics show, according to CDC, it's about eight million women are struggling with fertility +[219.400 --> 221.280] and carrying the baby. +[221.280 --> 223.440] For me, I had three miscarriages. +[223.440 --> 227.240] One of the miscarriages happened in a room similar to this on a stage, speaking in front +[227.240 --> 232.920] of 1,482 people, while on the stage. +[232.920 --> 236.240] And I remember, I guess we're not going to keep birth to more kids. +[236.240 --> 239.360] I remember thinking that dream is over. +[239.360 --> 242.400] And then I discovered something called an egg donor. +[242.400 --> 244.160] I never heard of such a thing. +[244.160 --> 249.680] And what it is, it's an anonymous egg donor, a woman who donates her eggs and we can get +[249.680 --> 254.200] them and match them up with my husband's DNA and then I carried the babies. +[254.200 --> 255.200] Could this be? +[255.200 --> 256.200] Could this work for us? +[256.200 --> 258.600] Is this the path that we're going to take? +[258.600 --> 259.600] We weren't sure. +[259.600 --> 260.600] We're all excited. +[260.600 --> 261.600] We got the money together. +[261.600 --> 263.080] It's pretty expensive. +[263.080 --> 268.320] We had to borrow some money from my parents and we go into the nurse and we see the fertility +[268.320 --> 270.720] nurse and we say, okay, here's our plan. +[270.720 --> 275.280] And how you've been with us, you would have heard her say, the doctor decided based on +[275.280 --> 278.600] us using an egg donor, this would be the protocol. +[278.600 --> 282.080] And she showed up with this Mach Daddy giant needle. +[282.080 --> 286.880] This looks like something you'd use in the Olympics to do a pole vault or something. +[286.880 --> 287.880] It was like this. +[287.880 --> 291.760] I mean, literally, I had already done in vitro with little teeny like diabetic sized needles +[291.760 --> 294.200] but this monster, you're going to be kidding me. +[294.200 --> 298.920] And I saw, have you ever had an experience where you did one of these facial expressions +[298.920 --> 302.920] you went like this? +[302.920 --> 305.680] You know, you just hold your breath and your cheeks puff out. +[305.680 --> 306.680] That's what happened here. +[306.680 --> 307.680] And I looked at her and had you been with me. +[307.680 --> 311.960] You would have heard me say, what's up with that? +[311.960 --> 313.960] What's up with that needle right there? +[313.960 --> 317.760] She's, oh, you're going to need to take this twice a day for the month before getting +[317.760 --> 322.280] pregnant and every day during your first trimester. +[322.280 --> 324.480] I burst out crying. +[324.480 --> 328.280] I knew immediately our dream once again was squished. +[328.280 --> 330.720] We will not be carrying more kids. +[330.720 --> 333.560] And the reason I knew that had nothing to do with the needle or the fact that I needed +[333.560 --> 340.160] to take two of them at 160 days of my life, but I had to take them at exact times during +[340.160 --> 341.160] the day. +[341.240 --> 342.840] Now let me back up. +[342.840 --> 345.040] I'm retired from federal law enforcement. +[345.040 --> 349.040] I worked for the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms for 17 years. +[349.040 --> 353.320] My dad said I turn my hobbies into a career, drinking, smoking, and shooting. +[353.320 --> 356.360] I don't do any of those things anymore. +[356.360 --> 360.400] And I worked for ATF for 17 years. +[360.400 --> 365.400] My specialty was firearms trafficking, analytic interviewing, and I later did creative courses +[365.400 --> 367.160] on leadership. +[367.160 --> 368.320] And I wrote a couple books. +[368.320 --> 371.040] They did really well, translated into different languages. +[371.040 --> 376.480] And I'm telling you this because this means as a consultant today, I go out and consult +[376.480 --> 382.240] with companies on how to find the untapped potential hidden in the folds of their employees. +[382.240 --> 385.840] How can you find that untapped potential that's right there in front of us? +[385.840 --> 389.000] I fly over 100 trips a year. +[389.000 --> 391.200] That's over 250 flights. +[391.200 --> 396.280] All I could imagine is this like Mac Daddy needle, like I'm in line in England going through +[396.280 --> 397.280] security. +[397.280 --> 398.280] Oh, it's 235. +[398.280 --> 403.480] Let me pull my pants down and put a giant needle in my butt or in my thigh. +[403.480 --> 410.040] I was devastated until I took a second and I rewound what she said to me. +[410.040 --> 413.360] What she said to me was the doctor decided. +[413.360 --> 417.040] Decided does not mean executed on. +[417.040 --> 419.760] Decided means there's another way. +[419.760 --> 422.360] Decided is our first of our three words. +[422.360 --> 425.880] Decidedly because changes what was. +[425.880 --> 428.600] Decided is our first word. +[428.600 --> 431.120] Decidedly because changes what was. +[431.120 --> 437.760] She said we decided she just gave me a little paper ketchup cup. +[437.760 --> 440.080] Let's do an experiment. +[440.080 --> 445.480] We're all going grocery shopping together and we get 12 items at the grocery store and +[445.480 --> 447.440] we put them on the conveyor belt. +[447.440 --> 449.320] But I decide to put one thing back. +[449.320 --> 453.120] The very expensive facial lotion is just ridiculously overpriced. +[453.120 --> 455.120] So we have 12 things I decided to put one back. +[455.120 --> 457.840] How many do we buy? +[457.840 --> 462.120] Many of you will think in your heads 11 and I hear some people shouting out 11. +[462.120 --> 463.880] You're like, well, Jeanine, you said there were 12. +[463.880 --> 464.880] You put one back. +[464.880 --> 466.720] So 12 minus one is 11. +[466.720 --> 468.040] I didn't say I put one back though. +[468.040 --> 471.200] I said I decided to put one back. +[471.200 --> 474.600] When someone says the word decided, it does not mean it's executed on. +[474.600 --> 478.440] I could say I decided to put it back and then change my mind and decided to buy it again +[478.440 --> 480.000] last minute. +[480.000 --> 482.600] Now maybe you're like my husband and you're like, all right. +[482.600 --> 483.600] This is ridiculous. +[483.600 --> 486.200] You're like playing with semantics here in the words. +[486.200 --> 489.320] If you decide to do something, Jeanine, it means you do it. +[489.320 --> 491.760] If you decided not to buy it, then you wouldn't buy it. +[491.760 --> 493.600] So let's do another experiment. +[493.600 --> 494.920] Here we go. +[494.920 --> 496.840] How many of you want you to raise your hands? +[496.840 --> 501.480] How many of you have ever made a New Year's resolution to do anything? +[501.480 --> 504.360] Like you made a New Year's resolution, you decided to quit smoking. +[504.360 --> 505.520] You decided to lose weight. +[505.520 --> 506.800] You decided to become a vegan. +[506.800 --> 509.520] You decided to ask, this was the year you're asking for a raise. +[509.520 --> 510.800] You decided to have more kids. +[510.800 --> 511.800] You decided to get married. +[511.880 --> 513.000] You decided to come out of the club. +[513.000 --> 517.080] Whatever it is, how many of you have ever made a New Year's resolution ever in your life? +[517.080 --> 518.080] Raise your hand. +[518.080 --> 519.080] Keep your hands up. +[519.080 --> 523.960] Now, I want you to put your hand down if you did not execute on that decision in the +[523.960 --> 527.960] time you expected to execute on it. +[527.960 --> 528.960] What happened? +[528.960 --> 532.640] I thought you decided on doing it. +[532.640 --> 534.040] Life happened. +[534.040 --> 535.520] That's what happened, right? +[535.520 --> 536.520] You decided to do it. +[536.520 --> 541.760] It sounded good in the moment when everyone else was deciding stuff and then life happened. +[541.760 --> 545.400] Decided does not mean we've executed on it. +[545.400 --> 549.480] There was a study done at Scranton University and what they discovered is that anyone who +[549.480 --> 555.280] decides to do something on as a New Year's resolution, only 8% of us actually meet that +[555.280 --> 560.400] decision that we made, only 8% of us. +[560.400 --> 562.320] Let's go back to the grocery store. +[562.320 --> 564.880] Where does this word decided live? +[564.880 --> 570.080] What I found out is working with corporations across the globe is they would always ask me +[570.080 --> 574.400] way beyond how do I find an untapped into this hidden potential. +[574.400 --> 577.000] They would ask me about motivations. +[577.000 --> 583.520] They would say things like, well, how is my client or my patients or my employees? +[583.520 --> 588.040] How are they motivated to spend their time and energy with decision making? +[588.040 --> 591.160] And decision making kept being brought up a lot in motivation. +[591.160 --> 593.640] So I did what anyone would do in this situation. +[593.640 --> 596.640] I googled to see if I could find out the answer. +[596.640 --> 600.880] And I found a program at Columbia College in Chicago. +[600.880 --> 606.280] And it was a decision making program that linked body movement to how we make decisions. +[606.280 --> 611.920] And I took this year long certification program and now I'm what's called a decision profiler. +[611.920 --> 617.480] And when I learned is while we drastically make decisions differently, what we all have +[617.480 --> 622.600] in common is we all go through the same three stages of decision making. +[622.600 --> 623.920] So let's go back to the grocery store. +[623.920 --> 626.040] I'm going to show you these three stages of decision making. +[626.040 --> 627.520] All of us go through this. +[627.520 --> 629.880] So the first stage is research. +[629.880 --> 635.920] This is when you're in the grocery store, you're looking around and you're trying to just +[635.920 --> 637.480] get the lay of the land. +[637.480 --> 642.160] So you're either investigating, you're looking at the labels or you're exploring and you're +[642.160 --> 645.480] seeing what's down here versus what's down here. +[645.480 --> 649.440] This stage of decision making is called research, that yellow box. +[649.440 --> 653.040] And the orange box, this is where we do reasoning. +[653.440 --> 654.800] I'm going to take the wheat bread. +[654.800 --> 657.400] No, I'm going to take the, I'm going to get the Italian bread. +[657.400 --> 659.480] Oh, no, no, let's get the organic milk. +[659.480 --> 660.400] Well, let's not get milk. +[660.400 --> 663.640] Let's get almond milk instead. +[663.640 --> 665.040] This is where you reason. +[665.040 --> 666.800] This is where we stand our ground. +[666.800 --> 670.080] This is where determining lives and evaluating lives here. +[670.080 --> 671.000] What's important to me? +[671.000 --> 672.680] What am I willing to take a stand before? +[672.680 --> 674.000] What are my priorities? +[674.000 --> 677.680] The why lives in this orange box are reasoning. +[677.680 --> 680.240] The last step is the result, the blue box. +[680.240 --> 683.680] This is where you buy the groceries and you literally are walking out of the grocery +[683.680 --> 684.680] store. +[684.680 --> 687.320] It is the result the decision has been made. +[687.320 --> 689.880] Well the yellow box and the blue box are interesting. +[689.880 --> 694.200] What we're going to be talking about today is that orange box reasoning. +[694.200 --> 696.280] All three of our words live in reasoning. +[696.280 --> 698.160] They're roommates with one another. +[698.160 --> 702.720] Decidedly because changes what was. +[702.720 --> 706.040] I decided that I would never use drugs. +[706.040 --> 711.560] If you're an HR person or you're a recruiter and you ask a potential employee, have you ever +[711.560 --> 712.560] done drugs? +[712.560 --> 714.880] And they say, I decided in high school I'd never do drugs. +[714.880 --> 718.600] Please don't write down stated they never did drugs. +[718.600 --> 723.120] Just because someone decided to do it doesn't mean he wasn't snort and cocaine in the car +[723.120 --> 727.520] to get a little boost of energy for the big interview. +[727.520 --> 730.800] What about if he asked your boss for a raise and your boss says, hey listen, after we looked +[730.800 --> 736.000] at our budget, we decided we're just not going to be able to give you a raise this +[736.000 --> 737.000] year. +[737.000 --> 738.000] You know what that is? +[738.000 --> 739.880] That's a paper catch up cup right there. +[739.880 --> 744.240] Your boss just told you if you fight for it, you can get it. +[744.240 --> 747.600] The last thing you want to do is find out that everybody else that has your same position +[747.600 --> 750.520] did fight for it and they got it and you didn't. +[750.520 --> 752.240] Here's my rule of thumb. +[752.240 --> 756.240] Before whether it's decided or whether it's these LY words we're going to go into a second, +[756.240 --> 757.240] I say this. +[757.240 --> 761.280] I believe that God created earth and how many days? +[761.280 --> 762.280] Seven days, right? +[762.280 --> 764.280] So God creates earth, right? +[764.280 --> 767.880] And I think at the end of him creating earth, he does one of these. +[767.880 --> 768.880] Not bad. +[768.880 --> 770.080] Not bad. +[770.080 --> 775.600] So for me, what I say is at the end of seven days for me on that seventh day as it's ending, +[775.600 --> 778.720] I say to myself, am I going to clap my hands and say not bad? +[778.720 --> 782.600] Or am I going to say I wish I had opened up that opportunity? +[782.600 --> 786.920] I wish I had pushed the boundaries just a little bit more. +[786.920 --> 789.120] Just a little bit more. +[789.120 --> 791.240] Decided, Lee because changes what was. +[791.240 --> 793.200] Let's look at the LY words now. +[793.200 --> 794.520] Let's look at the LY words. +[794.520 --> 797.400] Back at the grocery store, here we have two chunks of meat. +[797.400 --> 799.160] Picture A and picture B. +[799.160 --> 804.520] Picture A says 100% natural grass-fed and grass-finished organic meat. +[804.520 --> 810.520] Picture B says typically 100% natural grass-fed and organic meat. +[810.520 --> 812.520] Which meat do you buy if you buy meat? +[812.520 --> 813.520] Right? +[813.520 --> 814.520] How many people buy A? +[814.520 --> 815.520] Let me see your hands. +[815.520 --> 819.040] 100 people would buy B. B would be weird, right? +[819.040 --> 820.240] Did you see this in a store? +[820.240 --> 826.360] Maybe you're like my friend to Paul from Seattle who said, dude, give a different example. +[826.360 --> 830.040] You would never see typically organic meat on a label. +[830.040 --> 831.040] It's illegal. +[831.040 --> 832.040] You need a different example. +[832.040 --> 834.120] I go, Paul, that's my point, buddy. +[834.120 --> 838.360] My point is if you saw this in a grocery store, you would think this is ridiculous, right? +[838.360 --> 842.360] You'd be like, well, it's either organic or it's not. +[842.360 --> 846.680] But yet when we hear things like this, how can we don't stop and say, wait a minute, +[846.680 --> 847.680] that's ridiculous. +[848.040 --> 850.880] Typically, we don't hire people from the outside. +[850.880 --> 853.720] Normally, we don't negotiate salary to that extent. +[855.240 --> 860.160] Usually promotions don't happen until your 18th month into the row. +[861.120 --> 864.160] So we hear all these LY words and we're like, oh, okay. +[864.160 --> 865.880] I can't apply for a promotion right now. +[865.880 --> 866.880] Oh, okay. +[866.880 --> 869.200] I can't ask for a raise or a parking spot. +[869.200 --> 872.320] If you see here these LY words, that's a paper cup. +[872.320 --> 875.600] All you need to do is pull it the boundaries a little bit to get what you want. +[875.680 --> 881.800] I want you to imagine the word decided in these LY words, normally, usually, typically, basically. +[881.800 --> 884.480] I want you to imagine them like this. +[884.480 --> 890.280] Have you ever had a visitor unexpected come and tell your house, they're fun, right? +[890.280 --> 893.600] Your living room is a disaster, your dorm room is a mess, +[893.600 --> 896.640] and you have a surprise visitor that just shows up. +[896.640 --> 899.880] And you take all the crap in your living room and you throw it in that closet +[899.880 --> 902.760] and your front hall as fast as you possibly can. +[902.800 --> 906.560] And the door begins to open and you shut your closet door, +[906.560 --> 914.560] but it only 98% closes because there's a golf umbrella sticking out or a shirt or a sneaker. +[914.560 --> 918.920] So it's 2% open right now in your dormitories or at your house. +[918.920 --> 922.480] You have a closet, you're someone in your house that leaves it like this all the time. +[922.480 --> 925.920] It's 98% closed, 2% open, there's always something sticking out. +[925.920 --> 928.520] That's what these LY words and decided are. +[928.520 --> 932.720] They're just little teeny folds like in the paper catch up cup here. +[932.720 --> 934.560] It's not going to be easy to open it up. +[934.560 --> 936.520] You have a 2% chance of opening it up. +[936.520 --> 940.160] But for me, my rule is at the end of seven days am I going to clap my hands and say, +[940.160 --> 942.120] I did a good job today. +[942.120 --> 945.840] My next question I ask myself before I push that closet door open is, +[945.840 --> 951.080] if I don't fight for what I want right now, is this going to affect someone else in my life? +[951.080 --> 953.800] So if I'm asking for a raise, is that going to affect my husband? +[953.800 --> 957.720] If I'm asking for more money for my employees or more benefits, +[957.720 --> 959.080] is that going to affect my team? +[959.080 --> 960.200] Is that going to affect morale? +[960.200 --> 964.280] If it's going to affect someone other than me, then I'm more apt to try to pull +[964.280 --> 968.720] at those boundaries and push that closet door open to get what I want. +[968.720 --> 970.040] This is a guy named Bradley. +[970.040 --> 971.920] Brad owns a company in Las Vegas. +[971.920 --> 973.120] He does virtual training. +[973.120 --> 974.320] It's called light speed. +[974.320 --> 977.200] He has an online video blog. +[977.200 --> 985.040] And I asked him, can I play this clip from your blog to show the audience here at Harding University? +[985.040 --> 985.920] And he said, yes. +[985.920 --> 988.440] So I want to thank Brad for allowing me to play this. +[988.440 --> 990.560] This is a real life negotiation. +[990.560 --> 992.120] This is legit, guys. +[992.120 --> 995.680] So you're going to see Brad, who's the owner slash salesperson, +[995.680 --> 1000.000] and you're going to hear from a woman who's a potential client and customer of Brad's. +[1000.000 --> 1002.080] And she's going to say, hey, how does this work? +[1002.080 --> 1006.200] Do I have to buy the system and then you give me ideas or can you give me ideas? +[1006.200 --> 1007.640] And then I buy the system. +[1007.640 --> 1010.080] Tell me what you hear. +[1010.080 --> 1014.400] So will we go over how we're going to set this up before I sign? +[1014.400 --> 1017.240] Or no, you have to sign first and then go over it. +[1017.240 --> 1023.000] To get a group of people in here to start work, usually you have to sign. +[1023.000 --> 1024.880] What did he say? +[1024.880 --> 1026.240] That's that paper cup. +[1026.240 --> 1030.520] I want you to imagine, anytime you hear these L.Y. words, wait a minute, that's weird. +[1030.520 --> 1034.000] I want you to look at the person right next to you or behind you, and here's our experiment. +[1034.000 --> 1036.080] I want you to say how many kids you have. +[1036.080 --> 1038.760] If you don't have any kids, I want you to say you don't have any kids. +[1038.760 --> 1041.120] But I want you to put an L.Y. word in front of it. +[1041.120 --> 1042.960] So I want you to, it's going to sound like this. +[1042.960 --> 1045.200] I typically have three children. +[1045.200 --> 1047.360] I normally have no children. +[1047.360 --> 1061.040] So go ahead, say to the person next to you with an L.Y. word. +[1061.040 --> 1062.840] Does that not leave you confused? +[1062.840 --> 1065.640] Hey, normally I'm the mother of three. +[1065.640 --> 1066.640] What? +[1066.640 --> 1068.400] Like your next thing is what? +[1068.400 --> 1070.960] To ask a question, are you a blended family? +[1070.960 --> 1071.960] Are you divorced? +[1071.960 --> 1072.960] Did you lose a child? +[1072.960 --> 1074.400] Are you thinking of adopting? +[1074.400 --> 1075.960] It creates that uncertainty. +[1075.960 --> 1081.640] When you hear L.Y. or decided, I want that alarm to go off as if someone is saying normally +[1081.640 --> 1083.320] I don't have children. +[1083.320 --> 1088.000] I want that alarm to go off to say there's more to the story here. +[1088.000 --> 1091.120] Decidedly because changes what was. +[1091.120 --> 1092.440] Let's get to because. +[1092.440 --> 1097.080] See these first two words decided in the L.Y. words are what I call wiggle words. +[1097.080 --> 1099.920] They are the paper cup right here. +[1099.920 --> 1104.040] Decided is the effort it takes to get the paper cup to open up. +[1104.040 --> 1109.760] So this word because, I mean not decided, the word because is the little tool that opens +[1109.760 --> 1115.120] up the catch up cup because it's the most influential word in the English language. +[1115.120 --> 1116.480] Here's how it works. +[1116.480 --> 1123.520] When we use the word because it ends up in this stage of reasoning because is the roommate +[1123.520 --> 1126.120] to decided in the L.Y. words. +[1126.120 --> 1127.120] They're all best friends. +[1127.120 --> 1128.280] They're besties. +[1128.280 --> 1130.640] You have a because friend in your life. +[1130.640 --> 1133.600] How many of you have a friend or someone in your life that can get you to do something +[1133.600 --> 1134.600] you don't want to do? +[1134.600 --> 1135.600] Right? +[1135.600 --> 1136.960] You know who I'm talking about. +[1136.960 --> 1139.560] You have someone in your life that can get you to do something you don't want. +[1139.560 --> 1142.400] I see some of you pointing to the person next to you. +[1142.400 --> 1145.960] Three nights ago was my 30th high school reunion. +[1145.960 --> 1147.480] And I know about this for six months. +[1147.480 --> 1149.160] The invitation was online. +[1149.160 --> 1152.600] My friend, Kerry Chasen, she's my because friend. +[1152.600 --> 1154.160] She's like, dude, you come into the high school reunion. +[1154.160 --> 1155.480] You know, I'm like, no, no, I'm not coming. +[1155.480 --> 1156.680] I didn't even like high school. +[1156.680 --> 1157.680] It's not happening. +[1157.680 --> 1158.680] So, right? +[1158.680 --> 1159.680] She's relentless. +[1159.680 --> 1164.880] She sees that closet door, 98% clothes, 2% open, and she's constantly relentless. +[1164.880 --> 1167.560] She wants to open up that ketchup cup. +[1167.560 --> 1168.560] Constantly. +[1168.560 --> 1169.560] So, guess what? +[1169.560 --> 1170.560] Email. +[1170.560 --> 1171.560] Facebook. +[1171.560 --> 1172.560] Private message. +[1172.560 --> 1173.560] Two weeks ago, I get a handwritten card. +[1173.560 --> 1174.560] I'm from Boston, originally. +[1174.560 --> 1176.040] I live in the DC area now. +[1176.040 --> 1179.320] I don't even know how she got my home address. +[1179.320 --> 1181.840] She sent me a handwritten card. +[1181.840 --> 1184.760] And it's like, dear Janine, these are all the things I admire at you. +[1184.760 --> 1186.160] I admire about you. +[1186.160 --> 1190.440] This is why I want you to come to the high school reunion because, and list a bunch of +[1190.440 --> 1191.720] stuff. +[1191.720 --> 1192.720] She called me up. +[1192.720 --> 1193.720] Did you get my card? +[1193.720 --> 1194.720] I'm like, yes, she's your coming. +[1194.720 --> 1195.720] I go, no, still not coming. +[1195.720 --> 1196.720] Guess what happened? +[1196.720 --> 1201.080] Two days before the reunion, it's lightened up my phone like a Christmas tree, right? +[1201.080 --> 1203.880] I'm getting text messages, private messages on Facebook. +[1203.880 --> 1205.960] Non-stop from Kerry Chasen. +[1205.960 --> 1207.920] She goes, you know, we only live once. +[1207.920 --> 1209.920] Your mom died of breast cancer at 66. +[1209.920 --> 1210.920] And you know, this is our 30th. +[1210.920 --> 1214.560] You're not going to be back until you're 40th next. +[1214.560 --> 1216.120] We only need you for, you know, just this one. +[1216.120 --> 1219.240] It's 10 more years, you know? +[1219.240 --> 1220.440] Your mother loved party. +[1220.440 --> 1222.120] She's like gilting me. +[1222.120 --> 1225.040] And you know, when I did, I bought a $600 ticket when I could have bought it six months +[1225.040 --> 1226.040] earlier for 200 bucks. +[1226.040 --> 1227.960] And I went to my high school reunion. +[1227.960 --> 1230.000] And I had a ball. +[1230.000 --> 1235.120] Because of the Kerry Chasens in our life, these are those people that push the door open. +[1235.120 --> 1237.560] They see that opportunity and they were lentless. +[1237.560 --> 1238.560] You have kids like this. +[1238.560 --> 1239.560] You have several kids. +[1239.560 --> 1241.520] You know, the kid, hey, can we go get ice cream now? +[1241.520 --> 1242.520] It's freezing outside. +[1242.520 --> 1243.520] You don't need ice cream. +[1243.520 --> 1244.520] It's, it's March. +[1244.520 --> 1245.520] It's ridiculous. +[1245.520 --> 1246.520] Can we go get ice cream now? +[1246.520 --> 1247.840] No, it's absolutely insane. +[1247.840 --> 1249.920] It's ice cold outside, snow on the ground. +[1249.920 --> 1251.800] Then that one kid, you know, which one comes to you. +[1251.800 --> 1252.800] Can we go get ice cream? +[1252.800 --> 1254.560] Like, fine, let's go. +[1254.560 --> 1256.800] Everybody thinks, saw the other kids think that's the favorite. +[1256.800 --> 1258.120] That's not the favorite. +[1258.120 --> 1259.640] That's the irritating one. +[1259.640 --> 1265.760] That's the irritating one that's going to ask non-stop until they get their way, until +[1265.760 --> 1267.520] they open up that ketchup cup, right? +[1267.520 --> 1268.520] You know what I'm talking about? +[1268.520 --> 1270.520] That's the word decided. +[1270.520 --> 1272.720] That's the word decided. +[1272.720 --> 1277.440] It's the word decided because all end up in reasoning. +[1277.440 --> 1280.680] Decidedly because changes what was. +[1280.680 --> 1282.480] I have what's called the Because Challenge. +[1282.480 --> 1286.840] I have my clients, anytime you hear, decided or the L.Y. words to use it because. +[1286.840 --> 1288.240] I got an email from one of my clients. +[1288.240 --> 1289.760] It said, Janine, here's what happened. +[1289.760 --> 1291.840] They're an HR processing company. +[1291.840 --> 1295.720] The client had to choose their health insurance plans. +[1295.720 --> 1300.240] So they called and said, hey, okay, for your insurance plan, what would you like? +[1300.240 --> 1302.680] He said, oh, we decided we're going to wait till next month to pay. +[1302.720 --> 1304.480] We're going to take our plans. +[1304.480 --> 1306.320] She heard what? +[1306.320 --> 1307.320] Decided. +[1307.320 --> 1311.960] And then he said, because typically we don't even talk about it in house for another month +[1311.960 --> 1313.200] anyway. +[1313.200 --> 1314.680] She heard what? +[1314.680 --> 1316.560] The L.Y. word, typically. +[1316.560 --> 1318.000] So guess what she did, the Because Challenge. +[1318.000 --> 1322.880] She said, listen, Mike, because you had a fire this year and because this created uncertainty +[1322.880 --> 1327.640] with your employees, because you're in temporary office space, don't you think it might be a good +[1327.640 --> 1330.880] idea to consider picking your plans sooner than later? +[1330.880 --> 1334.440] Because when you do, it'll create certainty and your employees will know its business as +[1334.440 --> 1335.440] usual. +[1335.440 --> 1336.840] No, Mike said, what a great idea. +[1336.840 --> 1338.320] I didn't even think of that. +[1338.320 --> 1340.440] Seven-minute phone call. +[1340.440 --> 1341.440] Seven-minute phone call. +[1341.440 --> 1344.400] She used because to get what they want, what she wanted. +[1344.400 --> 1347.040] I teach this to law enforcement, to CIA operatives. +[1347.040 --> 1349.400] I teach this across the globe. +[1349.400 --> 1352.520] If you use these words, you can get what you want. +[1352.520 --> 1355.360] This is my favorite catch-up cup story. +[1355.360 --> 1360.360] Allow me to introduce you to my three sons and my husband. +[1360.360 --> 1365.800] This is my husband, Lee, my oldest son, Angus, and our two little ones, our babies, Charlie +[1365.800 --> 1367.280] and Jack. +[1367.280 --> 1374.520] See, when the nurse said decided, the doctor decided, I said to her, well, you know what? +[1374.520 --> 1378.960] Because I travel on all these planes all the time, this isn't an option for me. +[1378.960 --> 1379.960] Is there another option? +[1379.960 --> 1382.000] She said, yeah, there's this hormone pills. +[1382.000 --> 1383.680] And I said, well, how do they work? +[1383.680 --> 1388.280] And she said, well, typically you have to be 35 years or younger, Janine, to be able to +[1388.280 --> 1389.280] take the pills. +[1389.360 --> 1390.520] And I said, wouldn't you agree? +[1390.520 --> 1392.280] I'm not a typical patient. +[1392.280 --> 1397.400] She said, yes, and I go, because I'm not a typical patient, and because I travel so much, +[1397.400 --> 1401.840] and because I have the money right now to pay for this other way, would you be willing +[1401.840 --> 1405.080] to ask the doctor if he'd make an exception? +[1405.080 --> 1406.640] And she said, I'll give it my best. +[1406.640 --> 1412.400] And she walked out, and lo and behold, I got to open up my catch-up cup to three times +[1412.400 --> 1413.560] the amount. +[1413.560 --> 1415.000] So I have three sons now. +[1415.000 --> 1416.600] My dream has come true. +[1416.600 --> 1418.040] So let me ask you this. +[1418.040 --> 1421.240] Can we meet again, and I hope that we do? +[1421.240 --> 1424.600] What will be your favorite catch-up cup story? +[1424.600 --> 1425.600] My name's Janine. +[1425.600 --> 1427.840] Thanks for playing with me. +[1427.840 --> 1428.280] Thank you. diff --git a/transcript/TED_OyK0oE5rwFY.txt b/transcript/TED_OyK0oE5rwFY.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..a5632ada971bb9ae05abd9467118fc66fff1646e --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_OyK0oE5rwFY.txt @@ -0,0 +1,62 @@ +[0.000 --> 11.280] Has anyone ever told you, stand up straight? +[11.280 --> 15.000] Or scolded you for slouching at a family dinner? +[15.000 --> 18.600] Comments like that might be annoying, but they're not wrong. +[18.600 --> 23.640] Your posture, the way you hold your body when you're sitting or standing, is the foundation +[23.640 --> 29.080] for every movement your body makes and can determine how well your body adapts to the +[29.080 --> 31.080] stresses on it. +[31.080 --> 36.080] These stresses can be things like carrying weight or sitting in an awkward position, and the +[36.080 --> 39.880] big one we all experience all day every day. +[39.880 --> 41.200] Gravity. +[41.200 --> 45.880] If your posture isn't optimal, your muscles have to work harder to keep you upright and +[45.880 --> 46.880] balanced. +[46.880 --> 49.880] Some muscles will become tight and inflexible. +[49.880 --> 51.720] Others will be inhibited. +[51.720 --> 57.320] Over time, these dysfunctional adaptations impair your body's ability to deal with the +[57.320 --> 58.880] forces on it. +[58.880 --> 63.520] Your posture inflicts extra wear and tear on your joints and ligaments, increases the +[63.520 --> 69.960] likelihood of accidents, and makes some organs, like your lungs, less efficient. +[69.960 --> 75.000] Researchers have linked poor posture to scoliosis, tension headaches, and back pain, though +[75.000 --> 78.920] it isn't the exclusive cause of any of them. +[78.920 --> 84.000] Posture can even influence your emotional state and your sensitivity to pain. +[84.000 --> 87.720] So there are a lot of reasons to aim for good posture. +[87.720 --> 89.760] But it's getting harder these days. +[89.760 --> 94.360] Sitting in an awkward position for a long time can promote poor posture and so can +[94.360 --> 99.400] using computers or mobile devices, which encourage you to look downward. +[99.400 --> 103.920] Many studies suggest that on average, posture is getting worse. +[103.920 --> 106.440] So what does good posture look like? +[106.440 --> 111.240] When you look at the spine from the front or the back, all 33 vertebrae should appear +[111.240 --> 113.440] stacked in a straight line. +[113.440 --> 116.560] From the side, the spine should have three curves. +[116.560 --> 121.160] One at your neck, one at your shoulders, and one at the small of your back. +[121.160 --> 124.000] You aren't born with this S-shaped spine. +[124.000 --> 126.800] Babies' spines just have one curve, like a C. +[126.800 --> 132.800] The other curves usually develop by 12 to 18 months, as the muscles strengthen. +[132.800 --> 138.200] These curves help us stay upright and absorb some of the stress from activities like walking +[138.200 --> 139.600] and jumping. +[139.600 --> 143.800] If they are aligned properly, when you're standing up, you should be able to draw a straight +[143.800 --> 148.840] line from a point just in front of your shoulders to behind your hip, to the front of your +[148.840 --> 152.360] knee, to a few inches in front of your ankle. +[152.360 --> 156.800] This keeps your center of gravity directly over your base of support, which allows you +[156.800 --> 161.280] to move efficiently with the least amount of fatigue and muscle strain. +[161.280 --> 165.400] If you're sitting, your neck should be vertical, not tilted forward. +[165.400 --> 169.480] Your shoulders should be relaxed with your arms close to your trunk. +[169.480 --> 174.280] Your knees should be at a right angle, with your feet flat on the floor. +[174.280 --> 177.320] But what if your posture isn't that great? +[177.320 --> 179.760] Try redesigning your environment. +[179.760 --> 184.080] Adjust your screen so it's at or slightly below eye level. +[184.080 --> 189.640] Make sure all parts of your body, like your elbows and wrists, are supported, using ergonomic +[189.640 --> 191.440] aids if you need to. +[191.440 --> 196.960] Try sleeping on your side with your neck supported, and with a pillow between your legs, where +[196.960 --> 203.040] shoes with low heels and good arch support, and use a headset for phone calls. +[203.040 --> 206.320] It's also not enough to just have good posture. +[206.320 --> 210.160] Keeping your muscles and joints moving is extremely important. +[210.160 --> 217.280] In fact, being stationary for long periods with good posture can be worse than regular movement +[217.280 --> 219.120] with bad posture. +[219.120 --> 221.560] When you do move, move smartly. +[221.560 --> 224.400] Keep anything you're carrying close to your body. +[224.400 --> 228.960] Backpacks should be in contact with your back, carried symmetrically. +[228.960 --> 234.880] If you sit a lot, get up and move around on occasion, and be sure to exercise. +[234.880 --> 239.440] Using your muscles will keep them strong enough to support you effectively, on top of all +[239.440 --> 244.200] the other benefits to your joints, bones, brain, and heart. +[244.200 --> 247.880] And if you're really worried, check with a physical therapist. +[247.880 --> 250.560] Because yes, you really should stand up straight. diff --git a/transcript/TED_P_6vDLq64gE.txt b/transcript/TED_P_6vDLq64gE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..a12fbc55068019ef59d9168856d54c5ccca850d9 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_P_6vDLq64gE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,357 @@ +[0.000 --> 22.200] Okay, now I don't want to alarm anybody in this room, but it's just come to my attention +[22.200 --> 26.600] that the person to your right is a liar. +[26.600 --> 30.440] So the person to your left is a liar. +[30.440 --> 33.640] Also the person sitting in your very seats is a liar. +[33.640 --> 35.440] We're all liars. +[35.440 --> 39.080] What I'm going to do today is I'm going to show you what the research says about why we're +[39.080 --> 44.320] all liars, how you can become a lie spotter, and why you might want to go the extra mile +[44.320 --> 47.720] and go from lie spotting to truth seeking. +[47.720 --> 50.520] And ultimately to trust building. +[50.520 --> 56.560] Now speaking of trust, ever since I wrote this book lie spotting, no one wants to meet +[56.560 --> 57.560] me in person anymore. +[57.560 --> 58.560] No, no, no, no. +[58.560 --> 60.560] They say it's okay. +[60.560 --> 63.320] We'll email you. +[63.320 --> 67.680] I can't even get a coffee date at Starbucks. +[67.680 --> 69.680] My husband's like honey deception. +[69.680 --> 71.280] Maybe you could have focused on cooking. +[71.280 --> 72.960] How about French cooking? +[72.960 --> 78.200] So before we get started, what I'm going to do is I'm going to clarify my goal for you, +[78.200 --> 80.320] which is not to teach a game of gacha. +[80.320 --> 83.600] Lie spotters aren't those nit picky kids, those kids in the back of the room that are +[83.600 --> 88.600] shouting gacha, gacha, your eyebrow twitched, you flared, you're an astral, I watched that +[88.600 --> 91.200] TV show lie to me, I know you're lying. +[91.200 --> 92.200] No. +[92.200 --> 96.360] Lie spotters are armed with scientific knowledge of how to spot deception. +[96.360 --> 100.560] They use it to get to the truth, and they do what mature leaders do every day. +[100.560 --> 105.600] They have difficult conversations with difficult people, sometimes during very difficult times. +[105.600 --> 109.200] And they start up that path by accepting a core proposition. +[109.200 --> 111.440] And that proposition is the filing. +[111.440 --> 114.600] Lying is a cooperative act. +[114.600 --> 115.600] Think about it. +[115.600 --> 118.120] A lie has no power whatsoever by its mere utterance. +[118.120 --> 121.960] Its power emerges when someone else agrees to believe the lie. +[121.960 --> 128.320] So I know it may sound like tough love, but look, if at some point you got lied to, it's +[128.320 --> 130.200] because you agreed to get lied to. +[130.200 --> 131.720] Truth number one about lying. +[131.720 --> 132.760] Lying is a cooperative act. +[132.760 --> 135.840] Now, not all lies are harmful. +[135.840 --> 141.360] Sometimes we're willing participants in deception for the sake of social dignity, +[141.360 --> 144.160] maybe to keep a secret that should be kept secret secret. +[144.160 --> 146.160] We say, nice song. +[146.160 --> 147.760] Honey, you don't look fat in that. +[147.760 --> 148.760] No. +[148.760 --> 151.200] Or we say, favorite of the digerati. +[151.200 --> 154.280] You know, I just fished that email out of my spam folder. +[154.280 --> 156.720] I'm so sorry. +[156.720 --> 160.360] But there are times when we are unwilling participants in deception. +[160.360 --> 162.800] And that can have dramatic costs for us. +[162.800 --> 170.160] Last year saw $997 billion in corporate fraud alone in the United States. +[170.160 --> 172.200] That's an eyelash under $1 trillion. +[172.200 --> 174.480] That's 7% of revenues. +[174.480 --> 175.560] Deception can cost billions. +[175.560 --> 181.560] Think Enron, Mat off the mortgage crisis, or in the case of double agents and traders +[181.560 --> 185.960] like Robert Hansen or Aldrich Ames, lies can betray our country. +[185.960 --> 188.080] They can compromise our security. +[188.080 --> 189.360] They can undermine democracy. +[189.360 --> 191.960] They can cause the deaths of those that defend us. +[191.960 --> 194.720] Deception is actually serious business. +[194.720 --> 199.640] This con man, Henry Oberlander, he was such an effective con man. +[199.640 --> 203.360] The British authorities say he could have undermined the entire banking system of the Western +[203.360 --> 204.360] world. +[204.360 --> 205.360] And you can't find this guy on Google. +[205.360 --> 206.360] You can't find him anywhere. +[206.360 --> 207.360] He was interviewed once. +[207.360 --> 208.360] And he said the following. +[208.360 --> 210.520] He said, look, I've got one rule. +[210.520 --> 211.680] And this was Henry's rule. +[211.680 --> 215.600] He said, look, everyone is willing to give you something. +[215.600 --> 219.480] They're ready to give you something for whatever it is they're hungry for. +[219.480 --> 220.480] And that's the crux of it. +[220.480 --> 225.360] If you don't want to be deceived, you have to know what is it that you're hungry for. +[225.360 --> 227.120] And we all kind of hate to admit it. +[227.120 --> 233.000] You know, we kind of wish we were better husbands, better wives, smarter, more powerful, +[233.000 --> 234.560] taller, richer. +[234.560 --> 237.000] The list goes on. +[237.000 --> 241.640] Lying is an attempt to bridge that gap, to connect our wishes and our fantasies about +[241.640 --> 245.720] who we wish we were, how we wish we could be, with what we're really like. +[245.720 --> 249.200] And, boy, we're willing to fill in those gaps in our lives with lies. +[249.200 --> 254.680] On a given day, studies show that you may be lied to anywhere from 10 to 200 times. +[254.680 --> 257.960] And now granted, many of those are white lies. +[257.960 --> 263.600] But in another study, it showed that strangers lied three times within the first 10 minutes +[263.600 --> 265.040] of meeting each other. +[265.040 --> 269.320] Now, when we first hear this data, we recoil. +[269.320 --> 270.760] We can't believe how prevalent lying is. +[270.760 --> 272.560] We're essentially against lying. +[272.560 --> 276.720] But if you look more closely, the plot actually thickens. +[276.720 --> 280.640] We lie more to strangers than we lie to co-workers. +[280.640 --> 284.400] Extroverts lie more than introverts. +[284.400 --> 289.480] And lie eight times more about themselves than they do other people. +[289.480 --> 292.600] Women lie more to protect other people. +[292.600 --> 297.200] If you're in an average married couple, you're going to lie to your spouse in one out of +[297.200 --> 298.600] every 10 interactions. +[298.600 --> 300.400] Now, you may think that's bad. +[300.400 --> 303.760] If you're unmarried, that number drops to three. +[303.760 --> 305.240] Lying's complex. +[305.240 --> 308.880] It's woven into the fabric of our daily and our business lives, where deeply ambivalent +[308.880 --> 310.120] about the truth. +[310.120 --> 314.240] We parse it out on an as-needed basis, sometimes for very, very good reasons, and other times +[314.640 --> 317.720] just because we don't understand the gaps in our lives. +[317.720 --> 319.360] That's truth number two about lying. +[319.360 --> 322.680] We're against lying, but we're covertly for it. +[322.680 --> 326.720] It weighs that our society has sanctioned for centuries and centuries and centuries. +[326.720 --> 328.680] It's as old as breathing. +[328.680 --> 329.680] It's part of our culture. +[329.680 --> 331.400] It's part of our history. +[331.400 --> 338.480] Think Dante, Shakespeare, the Bible, news of the world. +[338.480 --> 341.480] Lying has evolutionary value to us as a species. +[341.480 --> 346.520] Researchers have long known that the more intelligent the species, the larger the neocortex, +[346.520 --> 349.200] the more likely it is to be deceptive. +[349.200 --> 350.680] Now you might remember Coco. +[350.680 --> 354.000] Does anybody here remember Coco the Gorilla, who was taught sign language? +[354.000 --> 357.200] Coco was taught to communicate via sign language. +[357.200 --> 358.200] Here's Coco with her kitten. +[358.200 --> 361.800] It's her cute little fluffy pet kitten. +[361.800 --> 368.000] Coco once blamed her pet kitten for ripping a sink out of the wall. +[368.000 --> 370.200] We're hardwired to become leaders of the pack. +[370.200 --> 372.240] It starts really, really early. +[372.240 --> 373.240] How early? +[373.240 --> 378.480] Well, babies will fake a cry, pause, wait to see who's coming, and then go right back to +[378.480 --> 380.560] crying. +[380.560 --> 383.760] One year old's learned concealment. +[383.760 --> 386.400] Two year old's bluff. +[386.400 --> 387.760] Five year olds lie outright. +[387.760 --> 390.200] They manipulate via flattery. +[390.200 --> 392.720] Nine year olds masters of the cover up. +[392.720 --> 395.680] By the time you enter college, you're going to lie to your mom and one out of every five +[395.680 --> 397.880] interactions. +[397.880 --> 401.880] By the time we enter this work world and we're breadwinners, we enter a world that has +[401.880 --> 408.960] just cluttered with spam, fake digital friends, partisan media, ingenious identity thieves, +[408.960 --> 413.120] world-class Ponzi schemers, a deception epidemic. +[413.120 --> 417.960] In short, what one author calls a post-truth society. +[417.960 --> 424.200] It's been very confusing for a long time now. +[424.200 --> 426.440] What do you do? +[426.440 --> 430.600] Well, there are steps we can take to navigate our way through the morass. +[430.600 --> 433.120] Trained lie spotters get to the truth 90% of the time. +[433.120 --> 435.920] The rest of us are only 54% accurate. +[435.920 --> 437.520] Why is it so easy to learn? +[437.520 --> 439.520] Well, they're good liars and they're bad liars. +[439.520 --> 440.920] They're no real original liars. +[440.920 --> 442.520] We all bake the same mistakes. +[442.520 --> 444.520] We all use the same techniques. +[444.520 --> 448.400] So what I'm going to do is I'm going to show you two patterns of deception and then we're +[448.400 --> 450.600] going to look at the hot spots and see if we can find them ourselves. +[450.600 --> 454.600] We're going to start with speech. +[454.600 --> 455.760] I want you to listen to me. +[455.760 --> 458.000] I'm going to say this again. +[458.000 --> 464.520] I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. +[464.520 --> 469.680] I never told anybody it's a lie, not a single time, never. +[469.680 --> 475.160] These allegations are false and I need to go back to work for the American people. +[475.160 --> 477.160] Thank you. +[477.160 --> 479.880] Okay. +[479.880 --> 481.400] What were the telltale signs? +[481.400 --> 486.280] Well, first we heard what's known as a non-contracted denial. +[486.280 --> 490.920] Studies show that people who are over-determined in their denial will resort to formal rather than +[490.920 --> 492.360] informal language. +[492.360 --> 495.000] We also heard distancing language that woman. +[495.000 --> 499.920] We know that liars will unconsciously distance themselves from their subject using languages +[499.920 --> 500.920] their tool. +[500.920 --> 505.080] Now, Bill Clinton has said, well, they tell you the truth. +[505.080 --> 507.480] Or Richard Nixon's favorite in all candor. +[507.480 --> 511.160] He would have been a dead giveaway for any lie spotter that knows the qualifying language +[511.240 --> 513.560] as it's called qualifying language like that. +[513.560 --> 516.240] Further discredits the subject. +[516.240 --> 521.000] Now if he had repeated the question in its entirety or if he had peppered his account with a little +[521.000 --> 525.880] too much detail and we're all really glad he didn't do that, he would have further discredited +[525.880 --> 527.640] himself. +[527.640 --> 528.640] Freud had it right. +[528.640 --> 532.520] Freud said, look, there's much more to it than speech. +[532.520 --> 534.920] No mortal can keep a secret. +[534.920 --> 538.960] If his lips are silent, he shatters with his fingertips and we all do it. +[538.960 --> 541.120] No matter how powerful you are, we all do it. +[541.120 --> 543.000] We all chatter with our fingertips. +[543.000 --> 550.400] I'm going to show you Dominique Strauss-Con with Obama, who's chattering with his fingertips. +[550.400 --> 558.280] Now this brings us to our next pattern, which is body language. +[558.280 --> 560.640] With body language, here's what you've got to do. +[560.640 --> 565.120] You really got to just throw your assumptions out the door, let the science temper your +[565.120 --> 568.840] knowledge a little bit because we think liars fidget all the time. +[568.840 --> 572.240] Well guess what, they're known to freeze their upper bodies when they're lying. +[572.240 --> 575.040] We think liars won't look in the eyes. +[575.040 --> 578.600] Well guess what, they look you in the eyes a little too much just to compensate for that +[578.600 --> 579.600] myth. +[579.600 --> 585.760] We think warmth and smiles convey honesty, sincerity, but a trained lie spotter can spot a fake +[585.760 --> 587.400] smile a mile away. +[587.400 --> 591.160] Can you all spot the fake smile here? +[591.160 --> 596.960] You can consciously contract the muscles in your cheeks, but the real smiles in the +[596.960 --> 597.960] eyes. +[597.960 --> 602.460] Those feet of the eyes, they cannot be consciously contracted, especially if you overdo the +[602.460 --> 603.460] Botox. +[603.460 --> 604.460] Don't overdo the Botox. +[604.460 --> 606.760] Nobody will think you're honest. +[606.760 --> 608.600] Now we're going to look at the hot spots. +[608.600 --> 610.400] Can you tell what's happening in a conversation? +[610.400 --> 615.280] Can you start to find the hot spots to see the discrepancies between someone's words and +[615.280 --> 616.440] someone's actions? +[616.440 --> 620.880] Now I know it seems really obvious, but when you're having a conversation with someone +[620.880 --> 625.920] that uses a speck of deception, attitude is by far the most overlooked, but telling of +[625.920 --> 627.160] indicators. +[627.160 --> 631.040] When honest person is going to be cooperative, they're going to show their own side, they're +[631.040 --> 634.200] going to be enthusiastic, they're going to be willing and helpful in getting you to +[634.200 --> 635.200] the truth. +[635.200 --> 639.480] They're going to be willing to brainstorm, name suspects, provide details. +[639.480 --> 644.920] They're going to say, hey, maybe it was those guys in payroll that forged those checks. +[644.920 --> 648.600] They're going to be infuriated if they sense the wrongly accused about the entire course +[648.600 --> 652.040] of the interview, not just in flashes, they'll be infuriated throughout the entire course +[652.040 --> 653.040] of the interview. +[653.560 --> 658.200] If you ask someone honest, what should happen to whoever did forge those checks? +[658.200 --> 663.280] An honest person is much more likely to recommend strict, rather than lenient punishment. +[663.280 --> 668.440] Now, let's say you're having that exact same conversation with someone deceptive. +[668.440 --> 674.680] That person may be withdrawn, look down, lower their voice, pause, be kind of herky jerky. +[674.680 --> 678.000] Ask a deceptive person to tell their story, they're going to pepper it with way too much +[678.000 --> 681.840] detail in all kinds of irrelevant places. +[681.840 --> 684.640] And then they're going to tell their story in strict, chronological order. +[684.640 --> 689.520] And what a trained interrogator does is they come in, and in very subtle ways, over the +[689.520 --> 694.280] course of several hours, they will ask that person to tell their story backwards. +[694.280 --> 698.600] And then they'll watch them squirm and track which questions produce the highest volume +[698.600 --> 699.600] of deceptive tells. +[699.600 --> 700.600] Why do they do that? +[700.600 --> 702.360] Well, we all do the same thing. +[702.360 --> 705.720] We rehearse our words, but we rarely rehearse our gestures. +[705.720 --> 707.920] We say, yes, we shake our heads, no. +[707.920 --> 709.280] We tell very convincing stories. +[709.280 --> 711.160] We slightly shrug our shoulders. +[711.160 --> 715.840] We commit terrible crimes, and we smile at the delight in getting away with it. +[715.840 --> 718.920] Now that smile is known in the trade as duping delight. +[718.920 --> 722.680] And we're going to see that in several videos moving forward, but we're going to start +[722.680 --> 724.080] for those of you that don't know him. +[724.080 --> 728.840] This is presidential candidate John Edwards, who shocked America by fathering a child out +[728.840 --> 729.840] of wedlock. +[729.840 --> 733.080] We're going to see him talk about getting a paternity test. +[733.080 --> 738.080] To see now, if you can spot him saying yes while shaking his head, no, slightly shrugging +[738.080 --> 739.080] his shoulders. +[739.080 --> 741.320] I'm happy to participate in one. +[741.320 --> 746.760] I know that it's not possible that this child could be mine because of the timing of events. +[746.760 --> 748.480] So I know it's not possible. +[748.480 --> 751.520] Happy to take a paternity test, and we'd love to see it happen. +[751.520 --> 752.920] Are you going to do that soon? +[752.920 --> 754.920] Is there somebody that you can't? +[754.920 --> 755.920] I'm only one side. +[755.920 --> 760.760] I can only one side of the test, but I'm happy to participate in one. +[760.760 --> 765.640] Okay, those head shakes are much easier to spot once you know to look for them. +[765.640 --> 770.320] Now there are going to be times when someone makes one expression while masking another that +[770.320 --> 773.000] just kind of leaks through in a flash. +[773.000 --> 775.680] Murderers are known to leak sadness. +[775.680 --> 778.640] Your new joint venture partner might shake your hand, celebrate, go out to dinner with +[778.640 --> 781.720] you, and then leak an expression of anger. +[781.720 --> 785.400] And we're not all going to become facial expression experts overnight here, but there's one +[785.400 --> 789.120] I can teach you that's very dangerous and that's easy to learn, and that's the expression +[789.120 --> 790.120] of contempt. +[790.120 --> 794.160] Now with anger, you've got two people in an even playing field. +[794.160 --> 798.480] It's still somewhat of a healthy relationship, but when anger turns to contempt, you've +[798.480 --> 800.080] been dismissed. +[800.080 --> 804.800] It's associated with moral superiority, and for that reason, it's very, very hard to +[804.800 --> 805.800] recover from. +[805.800 --> 807.320] Here's what it looks like. +[807.320 --> 811.360] It's marked by one lip corner pulled up and in. +[811.360 --> 814.200] It's the only asymmetrical expression. +[814.200 --> 818.640] And in the presence of contempt, whether or not deception follows, and it doesn't always +[818.640 --> 820.120] follow. +[820.120 --> 824.080] Look the other way, go the other direction, reconsider the deal, say no, thank you. +[824.080 --> 826.680] I'm not coming up for just one more night cap. +[826.680 --> 828.320] Thank you. +[828.320 --> 831.840] Science has surfaced many, many more indicators. +[831.840 --> 836.680] We know, for example, we know Lyra's will shift their blink rate, point their feet towards +[836.680 --> 838.440] an exit. +[838.440 --> 842.760] They will take barrier objects and put them between themselves and the person that's interviewing +[842.760 --> 843.760] them. +[843.760 --> 847.680] They'll alter their vocal tone, often making them make their vocal tone much lower. +[847.680 --> 850.080] Now, here's the deal. +[850.080 --> 853.480] These behaviors are just behaviors. +[853.480 --> 856.040] They're not proof of deception. +[856.040 --> 857.040] They're red flags. +[857.040 --> 858.040] We're human beings. +[858.040 --> 861.520] We make deceptive flailing gestures all over the place all day long. +[861.520 --> 863.920] They don't mean anything in and of themselves. +[863.920 --> 867.000] But when you see clusters of them, that's your signal. +[867.000 --> 868.760] Look, listen, probe. +[868.760 --> 870.080] Ask some hard questions. +[870.080 --> 872.960] Get out of that very comfortable mode of knowing. +[872.960 --> 874.600] Walk into curiosity mode. +[874.600 --> 876.480] Ask more questions. +[876.480 --> 877.480] Have a little dignity. +[877.480 --> 878.960] Treat the person you're talking to with rapport. +[878.960 --> 882.320] Don't try to be like those folks on law and order and those other TV shows that pummel +[882.320 --> 884.080] their subjects into submission. +[884.080 --> 885.080] Don't be too aggressive. +[885.080 --> 887.040] It doesn't work. +[887.040 --> 890.720] Now, we've talked a little bit about how to talk to someone who's lying. +[890.720 --> 892.040] I mean, how to spot a lie. +[892.040 --> 895.160] And as I promise, we're now going to look at what the truth looks like. +[895.160 --> 897.920] And I'm going to show you two videos. +[897.920 --> 899.280] Two mothers. +[899.280 --> 900.280] One is lying. +[900.280 --> 901.280] One is telling the truth. +[901.280 --> 904.600] And these were surfaced by researcher David Matsumoto in California. +[904.600 --> 908.680] And I think they're an excellent example of what the truth looks like. +[908.680 --> 913.640] This mother, Diane Downes, shot her kids at close range. +[913.640 --> 917.040] Draw them to the hospital while they bled all over the car. +[917.040 --> 919.520] Claimed a scraggie-haired stranger did it. +[919.520 --> 923.280] And you'll see when you see the video, she can't even pretend to be an agonizing mother. +[923.280 --> 928.340] What you want to look for here is an incredible discrepancy between horrific events that she +[928.340 --> 931.400] describes and her very, very cool demeanor. +[931.400 --> 934.320] And if you look closely, you'll see dooping delight throughout this video. +[934.320 --> 937.880] But at night, when I close my eyes, I can see Christy reaching her hand out to me while +[937.880 --> 939.480] I'm driving. +[939.480 --> 942.000] And the blood just keeps coming out of her mouth. +[942.000 --> 944.720] And that, maybe it'll fade too with time. +[944.720 --> 946.440] But I don't think so. +[946.440 --> 956.000] That haunts me the most. +[956.000 --> 960.680] Now I'm going to show you a video of an actual grieving mother, Erin Runyon, confronting +[960.680 --> 963.720] her daughter's murder and torture in court. +[963.720 --> 965.680] Here you're going to see no false emotion. +[965.680 --> 968.880] The authentic expression of a mother's agony. +[968.880 --> 973.640] I wrote the statement on the third anniversary of the night you took my baby. +[973.640 --> 974.640] And you heard her. +[974.640 --> 976.640] Then you crushed her. +[976.640 --> 978.640] You terrified her. +[978.640 --> 981.120] And tell her her heart stopped. +[981.120 --> 982.640] And she fought. +[982.640 --> 984.640] And I know she fought you. +[984.640 --> 987.840] But I know she looked at you with those amazing brown eyes. +[987.840 --> 991.600] And you still wanted to kill her. +[991.600 --> 993.040] And I don't understand it. +[993.040 --> 994.440] And they never will. +[994.440 --> 1000.000] OK, there's no doubting the veracity of those emotions. +[1000.000 --> 1005.920] Now the technology around what the truth looks like is progressing on the science of it. +[1005.920 --> 1012.120] We know, for example, that we now have specialized eye trackers, infrared brain scans, MRIs that +[1012.120 --> 1016.360] can decode the signals that our bodies send out when we're trying to be deceptive. +[1016.360 --> 1020.960] And these technologies are going to be marketed to all of us as panacea is for deceit. +[1020.960 --> 1022.960] And they will prove incredibly useful someday. +[1022.960 --> 1028.080] But you've got to ask yourself in the meantime, who do you want on your side of the meeting? +[1028.080 --> 1032.280] Someone who's trained in getting to the truth or some guy is going to drag a 400 pound +[1032.280 --> 1035.520] electosephalogram through the door. +[1035.520 --> 1039.560] Lies spotters rely on human tools. +[1039.560 --> 1043.160] They know, as someone once said, characters who you are in the dark. +[1043.160 --> 1047.920] And what's kind of interesting is that today we have so little darkness. +[1047.920 --> 1050.160] Our world has lit up 24 hours a day. +[1050.160 --> 1052.000] It's transparent. +[1052.000 --> 1056.240] With blogs and social networks broadcasting the buzz of a whole new generation of people +[1056.240 --> 1059.240] that have made a choice to live their lives in public. +[1059.240 --> 1063.520] It's a much more noisy world. +[1063.520 --> 1070.360] So one challenge we have is to remember, oversharing, that's not honesty. +[1070.360 --> 1075.360] Our manic tweeting and texting can blind us to the fact that the subtleties of human +[1075.360 --> 1078.120] decency, character, integrity, that's still what matters. +[1078.120 --> 1079.960] That's always what's going to matter. +[1079.960 --> 1086.160] So in this much noisy world, it might make sense for us to be just a little bit more explicit +[1086.160 --> 1088.840] about our moral code. +[1088.840 --> 1093.160] When you combine the science of recognizing deception with the art of looking, listening, +[1093.160 --> 1096.600] you exempt yourself from collaborating in a lie. +[1096.600 --> 1101.240] You start up that path of being just a little bit more explicit because you signal to everyone +[1101.240 --> 1102.240] around you. +[1102.240 --> 1105.280] You say, hey, my world, our world. +[1105.280 --> 1106.720] It's going to be an honest one. +[1106.720 --> 1110.720] My world is going to be one where truth is strengthened and falsehood is recognized and +[1110.720 --> 1112.200] marginalized. +[1112.200 --> 1117.560] And when you do that, the ground around you starts to shift just a little bit. +[1117.560 --> 1118.560] And that's the truth. +[1118.560 --> 1119.560] Thank you. diff --git a/transcript/TED_QGeHS4jO0X0.txt b/transcript/TED_QGeHS4jO0X0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..5541bf501c7b7c510e11ec57a16fc5b3df502879 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_QGeHS4jO0X0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,122 @@ +[0.000 --> 11.720] Good morning, good morning. +[11.720 --> 16.080] I'm excited to be your first speaker of today. +[16.080 --> 22.000] By a show of hands, how many of you have heard of the phrase, it's not what you say, it's +[22.000 --> 23.600] how you say it. +[23.600 --> 27.680] Do you remember the person who told that to you? +[27.680 --> 28.680] How many times have you told them they lied? +[28.680 --> 36.200] Repeat after me, what you say is just as important as how you say it, your turn. +[36.200 --> 41.120] What you say is just as important as how you say it. +[41.120 --> 44.960] And that is called strategic communications. +[44.960 --> 49.480] And strategic communications is probably the very thing you've been needing this entire +[49.480 --> 53.760] time to help you get what you need out of life. +[53.760 --> 58.640] The most people stop going after the bigger things that they want in life simply because +[58.640 --> 61.200] well, they're just not getting it. +[61.200 --> 66.360] But what they don't realize is that they're causing some sort of resistance in the way +[66.360 --> 72.360] that they're communicating that's helping them not get what they want out of life. +[72.360 --> 76.640] How many of you have been in the situation where no matter how much you talk and talk and +[76.640 --> 80.840] tell someone your viewpoint, they're just not getting it, right? +[80.840 --> 86.120] But how much you change your approach and your delivery that's just not understanding +[86.120 --> 90.120] your viewpoint, whether that's to a family member, whether that's to your spouse, whether +[90.120 --> 92.080] that's to your boss, they're just not getting it. +[92.080 --> 95.560] I think we've all experienced that type of frustration. +[95.560 --> 101.200] Today, I'm going to give you the tools to strategically communicate through all of those +[101.200 --> 104.400] issues and combat that resistance. +[104.400 --> 109.760] And I'm going to do that first by taking you through two parallel situations. +[109.760 --> 117.480] I have a very real situation to me, one personal and one professional, starting with professional. +[117.480 --> 121.720] So I started my career in communications a few years ago, starting with news writing +[121.720 --> 127.800] and reporting, then going on to advertising specialists, then landing a job as a communication +[127.800 --> 128.800] specialist. +[128.800 --> 135.040] In my communication specialist role, I was able to do things such as email marketing, +[135.040 --> 141.120] mission driven partnerships, writing speeches for the CEO, things of that nature. +[141.120 --> 147.040] On the first day of my communication specialist role, my boss said, I know this is a lot, +[147.040 --> 150.160] it's your first day, it's supposed to be doing paperwork, things of that nature. +[150.160 --> 154.800] But do you mind if you reach out to Google and see if they can land a partnership with +[154.800 --> 157.040] our next event next month? +[157.040 --> 160.800] And I'm like, you're right, that's a very big ass for the first day. +[160.800 --> 164.360] I am supposed to be doing paperwork, where's HR? +[164.360 --> 166.880] So, either way, it's my job, right? +[166.880 --> 170.360] It's the first day, you want to make a big impression, I shoot my shot. +[170.360 --> 173.440] That's Millennial Talk for it, just get it done. +[173.440 --> 178.760] And so, I look up Google's mission, I figure out what they're interested in, the type of +[178.760 --> 183.000] partnerships that they're interested in, then I think about my company's mission. +[183.000 --> 185.280] What type of partnerships are we interested in? +[185.280 --> 186.280] What is our mission? +[186.280 --> 187.800] What are we trying to convey? +[187.800 --> 192.520] I wrap that up into an email, I send it to their communications department, I express +[192.520 --> 196.480] the need, send it on its way. +[196.480 --> 199.080] Transition into my personal life. +[199.080 --> 203.640] I get home and I'm scrolling on Instagram like us millennials do, and I get a DM from +[203.640 --> 209.520] my friend Jessica, and she's like, oh my gosh, Kisha, the guy I like just DMed me. +[209.520 --> 215.120] I'm like, okay, she's like, and he liked my picture on Instagram. +[215.120 --> 218.480] Okay, so what do you want to do now? +[218.480 --> 223.560] She's like, well, you're a communication specialist now, teach me how to communicate with him, +[223.560 --> 225.200] as if that's what we did, right? +[225.200 --> 229.720] Something like, okay, well, I'll go with it, what's the goal? +[229.720 --> 231.080] What do you want him to do? +[231.080 --> 233.320] What do you want to get out of the conversation? +[233.320 --> 238.160] She says, well, I want him to be my boyfriend, again, it was a like on Instagram, right? +[238.160 --> 240.040] How far are we going to take this? +[240.040 --> 245.520] But, I let her keep going, and I'm like, okay, so what do you know about this man? +[245.520 --> 249.920] She's like, well, I know that our values, they pretty much go together because on his +[249.920 --> 254.720] Instagram, I see that he posts music and I like music, and he likes food and I like food, +[254.720 --> 260.000] and he likes his mom, I like my mom, and I'm like, okay, sure, fine, okay. +[260.000 --> 267.040] And I'm like, out of all the people on Instagram that he's engaging with, why you? +[267.040 --> 272.440] And she goes on to tell me about how she thinks their missions of being successful in the +[272.440 --> 274.800] entertainment industry will align. +[274.800 --> 278.720] All right, so here's what I tell her to do. +[278.720 --> 284.640] Slide him to his DM, that's Millennial Talk 4, a semi-private message. +[284.640 --> 289.040] And just organically have a conversation like you normally would. +[289.040 --> 294.960] Allow him to organically express his values, allow him to organically express his interests, +[294.960 --> 298.800] and then you express yours and see how they mutually align. +[298.800 --> 304.080] At the end of it, see if you guys can go out, hang out, grab a drink or something. +[304.560 --> 310.320] Cool. Long story short, six months later, here they are. +[311.520 --> 313.600] I played matchmaker, Kudos to me. +[314.880 --> 319.520] Moving on into my professional life, I go back to work the next day, and my boss is like, +[319.520 --> 323.120] Kisha, remember how I told you to email Google about that partnership? +[323.920 --> 331.280] Yeah, less than 12 hours ago. She's like, well, they emailed us this morning and they said they +[331.280 --> 338.800] actually want to partner on the event. And it was at that very moment that I realized I need a +[338.800 --> 346.640] raise. But it was also at that moment that I realized I just strategically communicated +[347.280 --> 352.560] into very different scenarios using the same exact method. +[353.680 --> 356.400] And that method is what I'm going to share with you today. +[357.360 --> 363.040] Now let's take a step back. What the strategic communications really mean? +[364.000 --> 369.600] How many of you have taken a strategic communications class or communications course by a show of hands? +[370.640 --> 375.520] Great. So what you probably learned is something along the lines of strategic communications, +[375.520 --> 379.760] is communicating the best message through the right channels, measured against well-considered +[379.760 --> 385.280] organizational communication specific goals. Great, right? But through my two scenarios, +[385.280 --> 392.080] what you can probably see is that strategic communications is simply communicating with purpose +[392.720 --> 402.000] while showcasing value in order to achieve a goal. And at the heart of it all, strategic communications +[402.000 --> 407.760] helps you evoke specific responses out of your target audience, whether that be a spouse, +[407.760 --> 414.080] a love interest, your boss. And in those responses, it helps you get what you want out of the situation +[414.080 --> 420.480] as well. Now you can also be thinking, is she teaching us how to manipulate people? +[421.840 --> 430.480] Maybe. But not really, because strategic communications creates mutually beneficial situations. +[430.480 --> 437.200] Strategic communications allows both parties to feel like they're getting what they want out of the deal. +[437.280 --> 448.080] So if you were paying attention, here's what I did in both scenarios to help them get what they +[448.080 --> 456.720] want out of the situation. Number one, I identified the goal. In the professional situation, +[456.720 --> 462.240] the goal was to land the partnership with Google. In the personal situation, the goal was to land +[462.240 --> 472.720] the boyfriend. Step two, understand your audience. In the professional situation, I researched +[472.720 --> 477.120] everything about Google to understand what type of partnerships they like to align with. +[478.880 --> 485.760] In the personal situation, I was able to allow Jessica to go into his Instagram and say, +[485.760 --> 494.720] what does he like to do? Understand what his values are. Step three, communicate the value. +[496.000 --> 500.640] Communicating the value in the partnership with Google looked like helping them understand what +[500.640 --> 507.440] they get out of a partnership with us. In the personal situation, she communicated what value +[507.520 --> 517.760] their interests would have with one another. And step four, express the need. In both situations, +[517.760 --> 524.960] I was able to use the value that they both share to express the need that they both want. +[528.800 --> 536.800] And so by doing this and using this method, I'm able to combat the resistance commonly +[536.800 --> 545.520] felt when people are communicating through challenges. Even like today, I was able to use +[545.520 --> 551.440] strategic communication standing right here on this stage. And not because I was able to memorize +[551.440 --> 556.400] my lines on hearing speech, and not because I was able to put together this presentation, +[556.400 --> 561.040] but because I took you through those same four steps standing right here. +[562.000 --> 567.040] Number one, I identified the goal, which was to get you guys to understand what +[567.040 --> 574.800] communication strategic communication really was. Two, I took the time to understand my audience +[574.800 --> 578.800] by asking you guys two questions to help me know who was in the room today. +[580.640 --> 586.000] Step three, I communicated the value of what strategic communications can do in your life. +[586.960 --> 592.720] And step four, I expressed the need for why you need strategic communications. +[594.480 --> 599.520] And so usually, the reason why people are faced with a lot of resistance in the way that they're +[599.520 --> 604.400] communicating is because they're skipping these four steps, or at least one of them. +[605.600 --> 611.680] For example, if you don't identify the goal, you'll be speaking without purpose. You ever had +[611.680 --> 616.160] those conversations where you realize it started off one way and ended another and you're trying +[616.160 --> 626.080] to figure out how you even got there. Didn't identify the goal. Step two, I was able to step, I'm sorry, +[626.080 --> 632.320] step three, I was able to communicate the value and then express the need here on this stage. +[632.880 --> 638.400] Why do you need strategic communications? Why this is going to help you in your life, +[638.400 --> 643.040] and how you can combat that resistance. So, at the heart of it all, realize, +[644.560 --> 656.080] it's not what you say. What you say is just as important as how you say it. Thank you. diff --git a/transcript/TED_VRJzvJ5XPQI.txt b/transcript/TED_VRJzvJ5XPQI.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..b35dd443cd4e5eb7fc8bfb3d664f3cd11abd8b3c --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_VRJzvJ5XPQI.txt @@ -0,0 +1,133 @@ +[0.000 --> 7.000] People that are supremely confident, when they enter the room, they feel comfortable in that room. +[7.000 --> 11.000] They don't hesitate to look around. +[11.000 --> 16.000] Their gestures are smooth, but they're very broad. +[16.000 --> 19.000] And that has to do with confidence. +[19.000 --> 22.000] And for a lot of people, this is very difficult. +[23.000 --> 34.000] I remember the great actress, Ellen Maren, saying one of the most difficult things to learn as an actress is how to walk onto a scene. +[34.000 --> 49.000] I've thought about that even in my career, how early on the difficulty of mastering that, how do you walk onto a crime scene, how do you walk into the public and demonstrate that I am confident and so forth. +[50.000 --> 57.000] We can all work a little bit on our nonverbal, so we come across as more confident. +[62.000 --> 66.000] When we talk about confidence, it's so many things. +[66.000 --> 72.000] It has to do with our posture, the way we present, how we look. +[72.000 --> 76.000] Where's our chin? Where are the eyes looking and gazing? +[76.000 --> 80.000] Our gestures are loose, but they're smoother. +[80.000 --> 85.000] As we walk about, we walk as though we are on a mission. +[85.000 --> 92.000] I'm walking out to shake your hand, or I'm walking out to a podium, or I'm walking to where I'm going to sit. +[92.000 --> 101.000] So the less confident we are, the less eye contact we make, the less confident we are, the more reluctant we are to look about. +[101.000 --> 106.000] When I look at someone I admire, like Colin Powell, when he walks onto a stage. +[106.000 --> 116.000] Even before he speaks, he has total command of the room, and he does that, because he brings two things into this equation. +[116.000 --> 121.000] One is a tremendous amount of knowledge and experience. +[121.000 --> 126.000] Plus, he has shaped and defined himself into a statesman. +[126.000 --> 130.000] We've got to think of America as a family, where every member of the family cares about every other member of the family. +[131.000 --> 140.000] I think sometimes people mistake machismo or theatrical displays of power as confidence. +[140.000 --> 143.000] Confidence can be very quiet. Jane Goodall. +[143.000 --> 150.000] Here's this ethylogist, very meek, very mild, and yet wherever she goes she commands the room. +[150.000 --> 161.000] One of the things you notice is they sort of have this command of themselves, and in doing so that command transmits outward. +[161.000 --> 168.000] The other thing that confident people realize is the temporal aspect of leadership. +[168.000 --> 171.000] If you're in charge, you're in charge of time. +[171.000 --> 177.000] I'm going to take my time to walk out. I'm going to take my time to answer your question. +[177.000 --> 189.000] I will answer it in the pace, manner, and tone that I choose, and in doing that we are demonstrating that we are confident and in control. +[193.000 --> 197.000] Where do we get that confident voice? Where do we get those confident gestures? +[197.000 --> 203.000] This is what's called socialization. We notice the principle who acts this way. +[203.000 --> 212.000] I like this leader because of this or that trait. I try to model their behaviors and say this is a shortcut. +[212.000 --> 217.000] If I have to work on my vocabulary, that's what high status people do. +[217.000 --> 224.000] If I have to change my gestures to fit in in this society, then that's what I'm going to have to do. +[224.000 --> 234.000] That doesn't mean it changes me completely. It just means that this is what is required of me, and this is what I want to achieve at this moment in time. +[234.000 --> 246.000] I think of Carrie Grant. Here's an individual born in the UK, grew up very poor, and as he said in his biography, I became Carrie Grant. +[246.000 --> 252.000] I adopted all the behaviors that I saw from high status individuals. +[252.000 --> 255.000] Just think about that, but make up your mind. +[255.000 --> 269.000] It is difficult to prescribe this, but one of the easiest things that we can do, if you're a woman, maybe you want to model yourself on the actress Kate Blanchett or some other actor and say, +[269.000 --> 278.000] when they're being interviewed, how do they look? They look so confident. They look interesting. They have such a command presence. +[278.000 --> 290.000] We're not born this way. These are things that we have to develop and say, how do I want to be perceived? What can I do to achieve that? +[290.000 --> 297.000] Are there better behaviors that you can do? Here's a simple one. How many of you, somebody says, where do they go? +[297.000 --> 306.000] Like this. As it turns out, this is one of the most hated signs around the world. Yet, if we just go like this, he went that way. +[306.000 --> 317.000] We're already perceived differently. Little things. I tell the story often of when I first came into law enforcement, they said, well, you've got to get out there and make some arrests. +[317.000 --> 321.000] The first time I went out there and my voice just went really high. +[321.000 --> 333.000] Stop your under arrest. That sounds horrible. And you have to work at having that command presence where you say, stop right there. Don't move. +[333.000 --> 340.000] That's almost theatrical. Yeah, but it's what is needed. +[340.000 --> 347.000] So let's do this exercise. I want you to say no. Just go ahead. Say it out loud. +[347.000 --> 356.000] All right. Now let's do it right. Say it as I say it. No. No. No. +[356.000 --> 363.000] Do you see the difference between the way you said it and this way? Did you notice that your voice kept getting deeper? +[363.000 --> 374.000] But did you also notice that the fingers became wider and wider? The more confident you became, the wider your fingers were spreading. +[374.000 --> 385.000] There's a big difference between saying no. Stop and going no. Stop. This potentiates the message. +[385.000 --> 392.000] But to get to this, we actually have to practice it. So let's do it again. No. +[392.000 --> 396.000] Now go out there and teach your children how to do that. +[396.000 --> 404.000] I love sometimes selfies in the mirror. One of my pet peeves is, well, we hear every day with what's called uptalk. +[404.000 --> 412.000] Uptalk is where someone says something and then they end making it sound like a question mark. So it sounds like this. +[412.000 --> 417.000] Four score and seven years ago. Four score and seven years ago. +[417.000 --> 427.000] Our fathers brought forth on this continent. Our fathers brought forth upon this continent a new nation. +[427.000 --> 436.000] My company has done research on this and we've asked CEOs and we've asked executives and some will say, well, you know, I've gotten used to it and so forth. +[436.000 --> 442.000] But when we ask them, does it really matter? They also, yeah, we'd rather not see it. +[442.000 --> 449.000] I get pushed back from people that say, well, you know, this is just the way that I speak and no doubt. +[449.000 --> 453.000] But don't expect the same results. +[456.000 --> 460.000] We choose to go to the moon and disdicate and do the other things. +[460.000 --> 472.000] Not because they are easy, but because they are hard. Because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills. +[474.000 --> 479.000] The cadence in our speech is extremely powerful for a couple of reasons. +[479.000 --> 489.000] One, we know that when people machine gun a statement, when they talk very fast, we are less likely to listen to them over a long period of time. +[489.000 --> 497.000] But when we talk in cadence, we are sort of held still listening to what will come next. +[497.000 --> 503.000] And I'll give you an example from that great speech Martin Luther King gave. +[503.000 --> 507.000] As you notice with the cadence, I have a dream. +[507.000 --> 508.000] I have a dream. +[508.000 --> 511.000] And then he pauses that one day. +[511.000 --> 512.000] One day. +[512.000 --> 514.000] And then he goes on. +[514.000 --> 517.000] And Churchill used the same thing. +[517.000 --> 524.000] Churchill's notes literally would create spaces for how long he would pause. +[524.000 --> 533.000] From stepping in the Baltic to triest in the Adriatic, an iron curtain has descended across the continent. +[533.000 --> 537.000] These pauses make people listen. +[537.000 --> 546.000] And one of the things that we teach is if you want people to listen to you, use cadence to get their attention, +[546.000 --> 552.000] hold their attention, but then look forward to what that next set of words will be. +[552.000 --> 557.000] It lets them know at a subconscious level, this is the person in charge. +[557.000 --> 567.000] And we know that they're in charge because they have temporal control over this. They're not in a hurry. +[568.000 --> 577.000] So you know a lot of times people say to me, well, does confidence look like chest out, shoulders back, chin up? +[577.000 --> 579.000] Yeah, that looks pretty good. +[579.000 --> 584.000] But you know a lot of times confidence is just sitting comfortably in a chair. +[584.000 --> 589.000] And that may have more to do with how much space you control. +[589.000 --> 592.000] It may have to do with the gestures that you use. +[592.000 --> 596.000] You probably notice that I use a lot of steepling. +[596.000 --> 600.000] I tend to interlace my fingers and so forth. +[600.000 --> 610.000] These are gestures that contribute to that communication that I'm trying to get across, that I am confident about what I'm talking about. +[610.000 --> 617.000] So it's not just about puffing your chest out, or certainly not about talking louder or anything. +[617.000 --> 625.000] It's about controlling my environment, but making sure that what I'm transmitting at all times is confidence. +[625.000 --> 631.000] And that means I'm prepared. I'm ready to answer. I'm going to answer you now. I'm going to answer you effectively. +[631.000 --> 634.000] And I'm going to make sure that you understand what I said. +[634.000 --> 638.000] I'm here to convey. I'm not here to convince. +[638.000 --> 644.000] A lot of times people who are lacking confidence are trying to convince you of something. +[644.000 --> 649.000] If I'm confident, I just say it once. It's this way and that's it. +[649.000 --> 656.000] I convey the information rather than sit there and try to beat it into you by repeating it 10 different ways. +[656.000 --> 660.000] Compare the gestures I'm about to do. +[660.000 --> 663.000] It's about temporal movement controlling time. +[663.000 --> 668.000] So the person in charge has the time to look up at their own pace. +[668.000 --> 673.000] The gestures are smooth. There's no hesitation. There's no quick movements. +[673.000 --> 678.000] There's no jitteriness. There doesn't have to be. I'm in charge. +[678.000 --> 686.000] When I feel less confident, I feel like I have to be in a hurry that I've got to look up and I've got to answer right away. +[686.000 --> 691.000] And there's a lot of preening behaviors and these are detracting from me. +[691.000 --> 700.000] I was really shy a few years ago. Probably this is changing a little bit. +[700.000 --> 705.000] People are horrified to speak in public. I used to be horrified to speak in public. +[705.000 --> 708.000] I still get nervous to speak in public. +[708.000 --> 713.000] But here's some tricks I found that you might find useful. +[713.000 --> 719.000] The first one is don't hesitate ever to say, you know what? This is scary. +[719.000 --> 722.000] Be honest with yourself. This is unnatural. +[722.000 --> 729.000] Number two, take refuge in knowing that if I sit down and study this material, +[729.000 --> 732.000] I will know it better than my audience. +[732.000 --> 735.000] The third thing I always do is I rehearse. +[735.000 --> 741.000] It really helps so that the first time you hear it in a forum, it doesn't scare you. +[741.000 --> 747.000] When it's time to do the presentation, one of the things I like to do is to warm up. +[747.000 --> 754.000] I find a good solid wall and I will just lean into it like I'm holding this wall up, +[754.000 --> 758.000] pressing against it just as if I were doing a push-up. +[758.000 --> 763.000] One of the things that that does is it releases a lot of muscular tension +[763.000 --> 768.000] and because I'm doing it very wide, it makes me feel more powerful +[768.000 --> 773.000] and I need to walk on that stage as though it's mine. +[773.000 --> 779.000] With full confidence, it is only then that I look at my audience +[779.000 --> 784.000] and just take a second to get myself together and to begin. +[784.000 --> 789.000] With practice, obviously you're going to get better and better and better. +[793.000 --> 798.000] Let's face it, people are not born confident. They're just not. +[798.000 --> 803.000] We can become confident with the assistance of our parents who encourage us. +[803.000 --> 807.000] We can become confident through our own achievements. +[807.000 --> 813.000] We can become confident by going beyond our boundaries, +[813.000 --> 818.000] but confidence is something that we can grow, we can nurture. +[818.000 --> 822.000] I have seen people in wheelchairs that are supremely confident. +[822.000 --> 828.000] I have seen elderly people in their 90s who are very confident. +[828.000 --> 833.000] I've seen children who are holding a violin with such confidence. +[833.000 --> 838.000] If you want to be confident, know your material, know the information, +[838.000 --> 845.000] hone that skill, work at it, have that mastery of things and of self, +[845.000 --> 852.000] and that's how you will come across as confident, no matter what your station in life is. diff --git a/transcript/TED_W3P3rT0j2gQ.txt b/transcript/TED_W3P3rT0j2gQ.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..20d394be891145fb1953dd7b4da996d930491f2d --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_W3P3rT0j2gQ.txt @@ -0,0 +1,115 @@ +[0.000 --> 24.800] I'm Lynn Franklin. I have one question for you. How would you like to be a mind reader? +[24.800 --> 30.800] Because part of me is thinking, I bet your mind is thinking, that's not going to happen. +[30.800 --> 39.800] Here's the truth. People's brains process information, they think in three different ways. +[39.800 --> 43.800] And their body language will tell you all day long what their primary style is. +[43.800 --> 47.800] You just need to know what to look for and what to do when you see it. +[47.800 --> 53.800] And it's not one of those where she's leaning back her arms across, she's frowning, so she must be unhappy. +[53.800 --> 65.800] It's actually understanding how their brains work and then presenting your information in a way that people can see it, hear it, and feel it. +[65.800 --> 69.800] And increase the chances that they'll say yes to whatever you're proposing. +[69.800 --> 74.800] And also decrease the chances that you'll do something stupid. Like this. +[74.800 --> 80.800] Back in my 20s before I knew any of this stuff, I had a client who was a corporate controller. +[80.800 --> 85.800] And he would sit across from me in meetings and he was always looking down with the occasional glance up. +[85.800 --> 91.800] And I thought, okay, well he's a numbers guy. He just feels comfortable looking at the numbers. +[91.800 --> 97.800] And then his time went on, I thought, well, you know, he's just socially inept and he doesn't know how to give me eye contact. +[97.800 --> 103.800] And finally, because I was young and stupid, I thought every time he's looking up, he's looking at my chest and I'm offended. +[103.800 --> 108.800] And there was one point I actually went a meeting and went, excuse me, I'm up here. +[108.800 --> 113.800] Ooh, yeah, talk about judgmental. Here's the scoop. +[113.800 --> 118.800] This guy's brain worked in a way that he was never going to give me eye contact. +[118.800 --> 125.800] And no matter how many times I modeled the behavior I wanted him to use, all that did was make both of us feel uncomfortable. +[125.800 --> 131.800] So how can you tell? How can you read people's body language to read your minds? +[131.800 --> 137.800] We're going to show you right now. And that means I'm going to bring out our first body language model, James. +[137.800 --> 147.800] Thank you, James. James represents 75% of the world. +[147.800 --> 155.800] You didn't notice about James, but James is a looker. +[155.800 --> 162.800] What that means is that James's brain thinks in pictures and images, in pictures and images. +[162.800 --> 166.800] And here's how we can tell that James is a looker from his body language. +[166.800 --> 175.800] First thing, he stands up tall, he has good posture. Second, he's dressed well because appearance is important to lookers. +[175.800 --> 180.800] The next thing you'll notice about James is that he holds a little stress in his shoulders, lift up your shoulders a little bit. +[180.800 --> 183.800] Yeah, keeps his whole distress there. +[183.800 --> 191.800] Next thing, you'll notice he has wrinkles in his forehead because James looks up when he remembers something he has seen +[191.800 --> 194.800] and he looks up more often than most of us do. +[194.800 --> 199.800] Next thing you'll notice about James is that he has thin lips, suck them in. +[199.800 --> 205.800] And this is a chicken and egg thing. We're not quite sure why lookers have thin lips, but most of them do. +[205.800 --> 210.800] And the other thing about lookers is they give you lots of eye contact. Look at him, look at him, look at him. +[210.800 --> 214.800] All of them. Look at all of them. Thanks, James. +[214.800 --> 217.800] Thank you. +[218.800 --> 225.800] Okay, now that you know that James is a looker, here are the two things you do to build rapport with him. +[225.800 --> 235.800] The first is that you give him lots of eye contact because he literally believes if you do not look at him, you are not paying attention to him and you are ignoring him. +[235.800 --> 241.800] The second thing you do with lookers is you give them words that have a visual component to it. +[242.800 --> 248.800] I see what you mean or look at this or let's picture working together this way. +[248.800 --> 253.800] So you use the type of language that is going on in James's brain. +[253.800 --> 257.800] Those are lookers, 75% of people in the world. +[257.800 --> 265.800] Our next body language model is March and March represents 20% of the people in the world. +[265.800 --> 272.800] March is a listener. +[272.800 --> 279.800] What this means is that March's brain thinks in words and sounds. +[279.800 --> 284.800] And this is the body language that you will see in a listener. +[284.800 --> 290.800] First, March not as well dressed as James because appearance is not as important to her. +[290.800 --> 293.800] Sorry, March. +[294.800 --> 302.800] Next, March has a tendency to look down into the left because that's where you look when you are remembering something you have heard. +[302.800 --> 308.800] Next thing you notice about March is that a lot of times she will put her head in her hand. +[308.800 --> 310.800] It's called telephone posture. +[310.800 --> 319.800] Other things you'll notice about March is that she has a tendency to mumble to herself. Go ahead mumble. +[320.800 --> 328.800] And it's not that she's crazy is that she thinks in words and sounds so she's really literally talking to herself. +[328.800 --> 335.800] Another thing you notice about March, yep, she's the pen clicker and the banger on the pen on the table. +[335.800 --> 343.800] These are listeners, 25% of the people in the world. Thanks, March. +[343.800 --> 350.800] You want to appeal to listeners, you do two things. First thing, you do not give them lots of eye contact, it freaks them out. +[350.800 --> 354.800] That's exactly what was going on with that corporate controller. +[354.800 --> 357.800] So what you do is with that. When they're speaking, you look at them and then you look away. +[357.800 --> 361.800] And when you're speaking, you look at them and then look away. +[361.800 --> 367.800] The second thing you do with listeners is that you use words that are auditory. +[367.800 --> 375.800] That sounds good to me or let's talk this over. That's the type of language their brain uses so you're using that to appeal with them. +[375.800 --> 378.800] Listeners, 20% of the people in the world. +[378.800 --> 387.800] And our final body language model is Marina. And Marina represents 5% of the people in the world. Give her round of applause. +[391.800 --> 396.800] Marina is a toucher. Now what you think. +[396.800 --> 404.800] What that means is that Marina's brain thinks in feelings and tactily. +[404.800 --> 408.800] And here's the kind of body language you will see in a toucher. +[408.800 --> 414.800] First thing and the biggest talent touchers is whether they've ever met you before in their lives. They are ready to hug you. +[414.800 --> 423.800] Second thing you'll notice about touchers is that they are dressed for comfort rather than style. +[424.800 --> 429.800] Next thing is that they have full lips, give me big lips. +[429.800 --> 434.800] Same thing. I know. It's they, more touchers have full lips. +[434.800 --> 445.800] Next thing you'll notice about touchers is that they have a tendency to lean in because they're trying to decrease the amount of physical space between you and them and build rapport that way. +[445.800 --> 451.800] Touchers also have a tendency to reach out and touch your arm when they're in conversation with you. +[452.800 --> 459.800] And touchers also have a tendency to look down because that's where you look when you're remembering something you have felt. +[459.800 --> 460.800] Thanks Marina. +[465.800 --> 469.800] Alright, you want to build rapport with touchers 5% of the people in the world? Here are the two things you do. +[469.800 --> 473.800] If you feel comfortable, let them touch you. +[474.800 --> 476.800] Appropriately please. +[477.800 --> 485.800] But if you don't feel comfortable because a lot of us, if you've never met somebody before and they're ready to give you a bear hug, you know, the last thing you want to do is go, +[485.800 --> 490.800] because we've all done that and it does not build rapport. +[490.800 --> 494.800] So if a toucher is coming at you and you don't feel comfortable, stick your hand out. +[494.800 --> 498.800] Give these people a point of contact with you. That's what they're looking for. +[499.800 --> 506.800] The second thing you do with touchers is you use language that either has a feeling to it or is tactile. +[506.800 --> 512.800] So I want to hear how you're feeling about this. Let's get in touch. Reach out and tell me what you think. +[512.800 --> 520.800] That's the kind of language that appeals to touchers, people who process information in feelings and tactily. +[520.800 --> 524.800] So I'm going to read your mind again and you're probably thinking, so which one of these three am I? +[524.800 --> 532.800] Let's figure that out right now. What I want you to do is close your eyes and remember an important memory. +[532.800 --> 538.800] Now this could be something from your childhood, maybe your 10th birthday party. It could be something that happened to you last week. +[538.800 --> 540.800] So an important memory. +[540.800 --> 544.800] Now I want you to pay attention to how you're remembering it. +[544.800 --> 549.800] Are you remembering it like a movie or a series of pictures and images? +[550.800 --> 555.800] Are you remembering it by hearing what people said or describing what happened? +[555.800 --> 561.800] Or are you remembering it how you felt or how things felt to you? +[561.800 --> 565.800] Okay, open up your eyes. How many of you remembered it like a movie? +[565.800 --> 571.800] Right, most of you. How many of you are describing it to yourself remembering what people said? +[571.800 --> 577.800] Right, listeners. And finally, how many of you remember how you felt or how things felt to you? +[577.800 --> 581.800] Right, now you know who you are. That's the good news. Here's the bad news. +[581.800 --> 585.800] You're going to treat everybody else as though they think the same way. +[585.800 --> 593.800] And you've already seen how awful that can be when you're working with a corporate controller who has a different way of thinking. +[593.800 --> 597.800] Here's my invitation to you. +[597.800 --> 604.800] I want you to start paying attention to other people's body language to figure out how they think. +[605.800 --> 608.800] Because here's the magic part of it. +[608.800 --> 615.800] Once you start presenting your ideas in a way that they get them, they will say yes to you more often. +[615.800 --> 621.800] But here's the scoop too. I'm not asking you to become somebody else. +[621.800 --> 625.800] Because you can't change how your brain works. It's true. +[625.800 --> 631.800] You think in all three ways, but just the way you have a dominant hand, you have a dominant style. +[631.800 --> 646.800] You can't change that. But what you can do is accommodate your language, both body and verbal, with the people you're with in order to build rapport, which allows you to reach the full spectrum of people that you're hanging out with. +[646.800 --> 652.800] And here's the other magic thing. You don't even have to be in somebody's presence to figure out how their brains work. +[652.800 --> 660.800] Interested? Right. All you need to do is listen to or look at the words they're using. +[660.800 --> 665.800] So if you're in a film conversation, listen for the words. If you're reading an email, look at the words. +[665.800 --> 670.800] People who are lookers will use more visual language. People who are listeners will use more auditory words. +[670.800 --> 673.800] And people who are touchers will use more feeling and kinesthetic words. +[673.800 --> 676.800] You don't have to be in that same space to know who they are. +[676.800 --> 681.800] So here's my challenge to you. Go back and read some of the emails that you have sent. +[681.800 --> 689.800] And you will notice now that you know who you are, the kind of language that you're using. And it'll back that up. It happens with everybody. +[689.800 --> 696.800] So 10 minutes ago, you didn't think you could read people's body language to read their minds. And now you know what to do. +[696.800 --> 709.800] So practice this stuff on the people at home and the people at work. And when you do this and when you use these tools to build rapport with all kinds of different people, you'll become the most persuasive person in the room. +[709.800 --> 711.800] Thank you. diff --git a/transcript/TED_YdTKcdyIYkA.txt b/transcript/TED_YdTKcdyIYkA.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..91f3c39720fc2ef0fba0c63f62910e02aa4f70aa --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_YdTKcdyIYkA.txt @@ -0,0 +1,144 @@ +[0.000 --> 10.280] Our lives are made up of small moments and small decisions. +[10.280 --> 19.040] Left or right, walk or drive, eat, and or take out, lend a helping hand, or some words +[19.040 --> 27.800] of encouragement, or an offer of support to a neighbor, a colleague, a stranger. +[27.800 --> 32.280] Now these decisions are not like the others. +[32.280 --> 37.840] And with the world in this much pain, it might seem futile to be focusing on those kinds +[37.840 --> 40.000] of micro-decisions. +[40.000 --> 47.800] But the truth is that we underestimate the power of our own generous actions. +[47.800 --> 56.440] Every time we intentionally choose generosity, the effects of that choice are more powerful +[56.440 --> 59.760] and more far-reaching than we might think. +[59.760 --> 65.800] The truth is that what one person can accomplish is enormous. +[65.800 --> 71.600] I've been one of the many leaders, ending them here in this room, of Giving Tuesday, since +[71.600 --> 74.600] it was created in 2012. +[74.600 --> 77.560] And it began as an experiment. +[77.560 --> 83.280] Could we use social media to create a day of giving following two days of consumption +[83.280 --> 87.600] Black Friday and Cyber Monday here in the US, and if we could, would anybody be interested +[87.600 --> 88.600] in it? +[88.600 --> 91.920] Well, and Nielis to say, the answer was yes. +[91.920 --> 96.360] But I think that even all of us who were there at the very beginning were genuinely stunned +[96.360 --> 104.360] by just how deeply and widely the idea resonated. +[104.360 --> 112.280] Non-profits and families and schools and houses of worship all joined in with such enthusiasm +[112.320 --> 115.760] and creativity. +[115.760 --> 122.320] People felt like they were asked to be givers, invited to be givers for the first time, +[122.320 --> 124.600] or in a totally new way. +[124.600 --> 130.800] I will always remember the woman who posted, I'm not rich, I don't have a million dollars, +[130.800 --> 134.680] but I can help change lives on Giving Tuesday. +[134.680 --> 140.680] And with the spark that that ignited, it spread throughout the whole United States and +[140.680 --> 144.760] then throughout the entire world. +[144.760 --> 151.040] And now 11 years later, Giving Tuesday is a year round global generosity movement made +[151.040 --> 157.960] up of thousands of leaders and millions and millions of people who are working to transform +[157.960 --> 164.920] their communities and their world one small act at a time. +[164.920 --> 170.040] And as a global family, because that's how we think about ourselves, we look and +[170.040 --> 176.600] sound and work and worship in very different ways. +[176.600 --> 183.480] But what we share and what keeps us together and keeps us working is a dream of a future +[183.480 --> 189.040] based in the value of radical generosity. +[189.040 --> 196.680] That phrase might sound like it means something big or extreme or dramatic or newsworthy or +[196.680 --> 200.680] kind of scary, but it's actually the opposite. +[200.680 --> 204.800] The word radical simply means from the root. +[204.800 --> 212.040] And so we imagine a world where generosity is simply at the root of our decisions and +[212.040 --> 222.640] our behaviors, even and maybe especially down to our smallest and most mundane ones. +[222.640 --> 229.720] I have essentially been on a decade-long global generosity tour witnessing this principle +[229.720 --> 232.720] of radical generosity in action. +[232.720 --> 239.360] I have been welcomed and hugged and fed in more countries than I can count. +[239.360 --> 247.000] And from Kenya to Colombia to Canada, so many more places, I have witnessed the hundreds +[247.000 --> 251.600] of ways that generosity manifests. +[251.600 --> 258.600] And what I have learned, my understanding of what generosity is and my appreciation for +[258.600 --> 266.200] what it can accomplished, has expanded a thousand times over. +[266.200 --> 272.600] I've unlearned a lot of lessons and I've learned a lot of lessons about generosity. +[272.600 --> 277.120] Often when we think about giving, we think about money. +[277.120 --> 281.040] And yes, money is an incredibly important form of giving. +[281.040 --> 285.800] It is crucial for the health and sustainability of our civil societies. +[285.800 --> 292.640] But thinking about giving only in terms of money is like thinking about love only in terms +[292.640 --> 295.080] of diamonds. +[295.080 --> 296.720] We love what we can measure. +[296.720 --> 299.560] We love what we can quantify. +[299.560 --> 307.600] But I think what we would love even more is to live in a world of immeasurable abundance, +[307.600 --> 311.800] empathy and solidarity. +[311.800 --> 317.360] Generosity builds a bridge between this world that we live in now and that one. +[317.360 --> 325.480] And it builds bridges between us at the same time, one small act at a time. +[325.480 --> 329.800] So what do some of those small acts look like? +[329.800 --> 337.560] They might look like in Toronto where people chalked messages of gratitude and love on +[337.560 --> 343.360] city sidewalks just to uplift the spirits of anyone who might walk by. +[343.360 --> 347.360] And then a lot of the people who did walk by picked up the chalk and they added their own +[347.360 --> 348.880] messages. +[348.880 --> 353.000] This picture happens to be Toronto, but this project actually happened in dozens of cities +[353.000 --> 355.440] across the country and across the world. +[355.440 --> 363.720] Or in Nairobi where people painted rocks with bright colors and inspirational messages and +[363.720 --> 365.680] they put them all over the city. +[365.680 --> 371.640] Park benches, bus stops, just to bring smiles to the faces of strangers, smiles that they +[371.640 --> 380.080] would never even see and turning the earth's literal most mundane object into a love letter. +[380.080 --> 385.760] In Jackson, Tennessee, one of our long time giving Tuesday leaders, Alison, was inspired +[385.760 --> 393.240] to combat food insecurity in her community in one small way which was building a set +[393.240 --> 395.320] of little free pantries. +[395.320 --> 398.560] And she put a message on Facebook asking for help. +[398.560 --> 405.240] People responded and they built an initial six boxes which local residents then stocked +[405.240 --> 408.000] with food and other supplies. +[408.000 --> 413.480] All of this done on donated supplies and volunteer time. +[413.480 --> 420.120] And that has now turned into over 40 boxes, over three different counties with a network +[420.120 --> 426.680] of hundreds of volunteers keeping it stocked. +[426.680 --> 431.600] What these stories have in common, some of them are much more elaborate and some of them +[431.600 --> 434.840] are literally just a fleeting moment. +[434.840 --> 442.160] But what they have in common is that each one inspired at least one person who was watching. +[442.160 --> 451.000] Researchers think that for every act of kindness or good deed a person does, they can affect +[451.000 --> 456.120] someone or many people, three or more degrees removed from them. +[456.120 --> 459.840] Imagine that next time you do a small good thing for someone. +[459.840 --> 464.600] But you might be inspiring people you will never meet to do good as well. +[464.600 --> 471.160] Your one fleeting moment could be amplified a hundred times over. +[471.160 --> 477.880] But researchers also have found that we tend to drastically underestimate the effect of +[477.880 --> 484.200] our own actions and how much they will be appreciated by the recipient and that that +[484.200 --> 492.160] miscalculation might hold us back from doing nice things for others more often. +[492.160 --> 496.200] We also think often that it's great. +[496.200 --> 498.960] Like let's do more nice things for more people, yes. +[498.960 --> 505.720] But also my life is stressful and hectic and hard and that takes up time that I might +[505.720 --> 508.600] not necessarily have. +[508.600 --> 511.400] I find myself in that thought process all the time. +[511.400 --> 518.400] And what I remind myself of is that generosity alleviates stress. +[518.400 --> 520.640] It doesn't add to it. +[520.640 --> 525.640] People who give are healthier and happier and more hopeful. +[525.640 --> 531.440] Just the act of paying for coffee for the person behind us in line in the morning. +[531.440 --> 539.200] Measurably enhances our feeling of well-being for the entire day. +[539.200 --> 542.200] This is Sujohn. +[542.200 --> 550.280] He is a Nepalese restaurant tour in London and Sujohn has done a world of good in his +[550.280 --> 551.280] life. +[551.280 --> 557.320] But during the pandemic he started doing what he does best and he began to cook hot, free +[557.320 --> 561.680] meals for overwhelmed hospital workers. +[561.680 --> 566.040] And when he was starting to do that other people saw they were inspired. +[566.040 --> 568.760] They asked if they could join and help out. +[568.760 --> 575.280] And soon they were feeding ambulance crews, fire crews, charity workers. +[575.280 --> 581.160] And one year after Sujohn started cooking these delicious hot free meals, he delivered his +[581.160 --> 585.240] 100,000th free meal. +[585.240 --> 592.640] Now Sujohn closes his restaurant every Tuesday, every giving Tuesday so that he and his +[592.640 --> 601.120] army of volunteers can support their community in whatever ways needed all day long. +[601.120 --> 605.080] And finally, this is Chloe. +[605.080 --> 608.400] And Chloe is 16 now. +[608.400 --> 613.760] But when she was just 8 years old she would walk to school with her mom and they would pass +[613.760 --> 617.120] the same woman without a home every day. +[617.120 --> 621.560] And Chloe asked her mom a lot of questions. +[621.560 --> 625.720] Nothing with why doesn't that woman have a home but also things like what about when +[625.720 --> 628.360] she needs to use the bathroom? +[628.360 --> 631.440] What happens when she has her period? +[631.440 --> 637.080] Chloe was learning to sew at the time so she asked her grandma to help her sew a beautiful +[637.080 --> 642.240] tote bag and they filled it with toiletries and hygienic products and other goodies and +[642.240 --> 644.160] they gifted it to that woman. +[644.160 --> 648.040] Not just handed it to her but with connection and with conversation. +[648.040 --> 653.880] And the woman said she couldn't even remember the last time somebody had asked her her name. +[653.880 --> 659.760] Chloe has since made and delivered 5,000 of those bags. +[659.760 --> 665.720] Chloe also DMed us on Instagram to ask if we had a giving Tuesday kids and if we didn't +[665.720 --> 668.000] could she start it. +[668.000 --> 671.840] And of course, because she's a very entrepreneurial kid. +[671.840 --> 676.400] And of course the answer was yes and what can we do to help. +[676.400 --> 682.440] And a few years later there is a global community of young people who have performed hundreds +[682.440 --> 689.240] of thousands of acts of service fighting bullying and hunger and drawing attention to mental +[689.240 --> 694.640] health among young people and the importance of community and they're connected to and +[694.640 --> 697.960] support each other. +[697.960 --> 704.480] So for every Chloe and Allison and Sujohn and the people with the chalk and the people with +[704.480 --> 711.760] the rocks there are countless millions more and the algorithms just don't put them at +[711.760 --> 715.400] the top of our feeds but they're there. +[715.400 --> 723.800] And if we pay attention then they remind us that ordinary acts of giving are actually extraordinary. +[723.800 --> 731.200] They remind us that generosity is not a burden, it's a gift and it's an antidote to our +[731.200 --> 739.760] fear and our anxiety to loneliness and isolation to outrage and indignation. +[739.760 --> 746.600] And they remind us that we have this tool accessible to every single one of us every day +[746.600 --> 753.200] which is the power to change someone else's day or maybe even life for the better. +[753.200 --> 763.080] And when we use that tool collectively we can build a more joyful, more equitable and +[763.080 --> 770.360] more peaceful future and that does not seem like too radical a thing to imagine. +[770.360 --> 771.680] Thank you. diff --git a/transcript/TED_YrZTho_o_is.txt b/transcript/TED_YrZTho_o_is.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..4b1755883fdded9a6a2cdd0d11a295e3c20a2da8 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_YrZTho_o_is.txt @@ -0,0 +1,78 @@ +[0.000 --> 19.000] So when I was in art school, I developed a shake in my hand and this was the straightest line I could draw. +[19.000 --> 25.000] Now, in hindsight, it was actually good for some things like mixing to canna paint or shaking a polaroid. +[25.000 --> 31.000] But at the time, this was really doomsday. This was the destruction of my dream of becoming an artist. +[31.000 --> 38.000] The shake developed out of really a single-minded pursuit of point-lism, just years of making tiny, tiny dots. +[38.000 --> 45.000] And eventually, these dots went from being perfectly round to looking more like tadpoles because of the shake. +[45.000 --> 52.000] So to compensate, I'd hold the pen tighter and this progressively made the shake worse, so I'd hold the pen tighter still. +[52.000 --> 59.000] And this became a vicious cycle that ended up causing so much pain and joint issues. I'd trouble holding anything. +[59.000 --> 67.000] And after spending all my life when I do art, I left art school and then I left art completely. +[67.000 --> 75.000] But after a few years, I just couldn't stay away from art and I decided to go to an neurologist about the shake and discovered I had permanent nerve damage. +[75.000 --> 81.000] And he actually took one look at my squiggly line and said, well, why don't you just embrace the shake? +[81.000 --> 88.000] So I did. I went home, I grabbed a pencil, and I just started letting my hands shake and shaking. I was making all these scribble pictures. +[88.000 --> 93.000] And even though it wasn't the kind of art that I was ultimately passionate about, it felt great. +[93.000 --> 101.000] And more importantly, once I embraced the shake, I realized I could still make art. I just had to find a different approach to making the art that I wanted. +[101.000 --> 108.000] Now, I still enjoyed the fragmentation of poinilism, seeing these little tiny dots come together to make this unified whole. +[108.000 --> 118.000] So I began experimenting with other ways to fragment images where the shake wouldn't affect the work, like dipping my feet in paint and walking on a canvas. +[118.000 --> 127.000] Or in a 3D structure consisting of two by fours, creating a 2D image by burning it with a blowtorch. +[127.000 --> 132.000] I discovered that if I worked in a larger scale than the bigger materials, my hand really wouldn't hurt. +[132.000 --> 142.000] And after having gone from a single approach to art, I ended up having an approach to creativity that completely changed my artistic horizons. +[142.000 --> 150.000] This was the first time I had encountered this idea that embracing the limitation could actually drive creativity. +[150.000 --> 156.000] At the time, I was finishing up school and I was so excited to get a real job. And finally, a forward new art supplies. +[156.000 --> 164.000] I had this horrible little set of tools. And I felt like I could do so much more with the supplies I thought an artist was supposed to have. +[164.000 --> 171.000] I actually didn't even have a regular pair of scissors. I was using these metal shears until I stole a pair from the office that I worked at. +[171.000 --> 178.000] So I got out of school, I got a job, I got a paycheck, I got myself to the art store, and I just went nuts by and supplies. +[178.000 --> 185.000] And then when I got home, I sat down and I set myself to test to really try to create something just completely outside of the box. +[185.000 --> 190.000] But I sat there for hours and nothing came to mind. +[190.000 --> 196.000] The same thing the next day and then the next quickly slipping into a creative slump. +[196.000 --> 201.000] And I was in a dark place for a long time unable to create. +[201.000 --> 208.000] And it didn't make any sense because I was finally able to support my art and yet I was creatively blank. +[208.000 --> 216.000] But as I searched around in the darkness, I realized I was actually paralyzed by all the choices that I never had before. +[216.000 --> 223.000] And it was then that I thought back to my jittery hands and brace the shake. +[223.000 --> 232.000] And I realized if I ever wanted my creativity back, I had to quit trying so hard to think outside of the box and get back into it. +[232.000 --> 237.000] I wondered could you become more creative than by looking for limitations? +[237.000 --> 242.000] What if I could only create with a dollar's worth of supplies? +[242.000 --> 248.000] At this point, I was spending a lot of my evenings in, I guess I still spent a lot of my evenings in Starbucks. +[248.000 --> 253.000] I know you can ask her an extra cup if you want one. So I decided to ask for 50. +[253.000 --> 260.000] Surprisingly, they just handed them right over. And then with some pencils I already had, I made this project for only 80 cents. +[260.000 --> 268.000] It really became a moment of clarification for me that we need to first be limited in order to become limitless. +[268.000 --> 276.000] I took this approach and thinking inside the box to my canvas and wondered what if instead of painting on a canvas, I could only paint on my chest. +[276.000 --> 284.000] So I painted 30 images, one layer at a time, one on top of another with each picture representing an influence in my life. +[284.000 --> 289.000] Or what if instead of painting with a brush, I could only paint with crotty chops. +[289.000 --> 301.000] So I did my hands and paint and I just attacked the canvas and I actually hit so hard that I bruised the joint in my pinky and it was stuck straight for a couple of weeks. +[301.000 --> 310.000] Or what if instead of relying on myself, I had to rely on other people to create the content for the art. +[310.000 --> 315.000] So for six days I lived in front of a webgam, I slept on the floor and I ate takeout. +[315.000 --> 320.000] And I asked people to call me and share a story with me about a life-changing moment. +[320.000 --> 326.000] Their stories became the art as I wrote them onto the revolving canvas. +[326.000 --> 337.000] Or what if instead of making art to display, I had to destroy it. +[337.000 --> 342.000] This seemed like the ultimate limitation being an artist without art. +[342.000 --> 350.000] This destruction idea turned into a year-long project that I called Good By Art, where each and every piece of art had to be destroyed after its creation. +[351.000 --> 359.000] In the beginning of Good By Art I focused on forced destruction, like this image of Jimmy Hendrix, made with over 7,000 matches. +[359.000 --> 371.000] Then I opened it up to a creating art that was destroyed naturally. I looked for temporary materials, like spitting out food, +[371.000 --> 379.000] sidewalk chalk, and even frozen wine. +[379.000 --> 385.000] The last iteration of destruction was to try to produce something that didn't actually exist in the first place. +[385.000 --> 396.000] So I organized candles on a table, I lit them and then blew them out, then repeated this process over and over with the same set of candles, then assembled the videos into the larger image. +[396.000 --> 405.000] So the end image was never visible as a physical hole. It was destroyed before it ever existed. +[405.000 --> 413.000] Of course, of this Good By Art series, I created 23 different pieces with nothing left to physically display. +[413.000 --> 418.000] What I thought would be the ultimate limitation actually turned out to be the ultimate liberation. +[418.000 --> 427.000] As each time I created, the destruction brought me back to a neutral place where I felt refreshed and ready to start the next project. +[427.000 --> 436.000] It did not happen overnight. There were times when my projects failed to get off the ground or even worse after spending tons of time on them, and the image was kind of embarrassing. +[436.000 --> 441.000] But having committed to the process, I continued on and something really surprising came out of this. +[441.000 --> 453.000] As I destroyed each project, I was learning to let go, let go of outcomes, let go of failures, and let go of imperfections. +[453.000 --> 459.000] And then in return, I found a process of creating art that's perpetual and unencumbered by results. +[459.000 --> 467.000] I found myself in a state of constant creation thinking only of what's next and coming up with more ideas than ever. +[467.000 --> 473.000] I think back to my three years away from art, away from my dream, just going through the motions. +[473.000 --> 480.000] Instead of trying to find a different way to continue that dream, I just quit, I gave up. +[480.000 --> 487.000] And what if I didn't embrace the shake? Because embracing the shake for me wasn't just about arts and having art skills. +[487.000 --> 491.000] It turned out to be about life and having life skills. +[491.000 --> 499.000] Because ultimately most of what we do takes place here inside the box with limited resources. +[500.000 --> 512.000] Learning to be creative within the confines of our limitations is the best hope we have to transform ourselves and collectively transform our world. +[512.000 --> 518.000] Looking at limitations as a source of creativity, changed the course of my life. +[518.000 --> 528.000] Now when I run into a barrier or I find myself creatively stumped, I sometimes still struggle, but I continue to show up for the process and try to remind myself for the possibility of life. +[529.000 --> 540.000] Like using hundreds of real live worms to make an image. Using a pushpin to tattoo a banana. +[540.000 --> 547.000] Or painting a picture with hamburger grease. +[547.000 --> 556.000] One of my most recent endeavors is to try to translate the habits of creativity that I've learned into something others can replicate. +[556.000 --> 563.000] And I think that the limitations may be the most unlikely of places to harness creativity. +[563.000 --> 571.000] But perhaps one of the best ways to get ourselves out of ruts, breathing categories and challenge accepted norms. +[571.000 --> 581.000] And instead of telling each other to seize the day, maybe we can remind ourselves every day to seize the limitation. +[581.000 --> 584.000] Thank you. +[586.000 --> 593.000] Thank you. diff --git a/transcript/TED_ZZZ7k8cMA-4.txt b/transcript/TED_ZZZ7k8cMA-4.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..465bff6f2347adc1d567e57ccb74511df3e31578 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_ZZZ7k8cMA-4.txt @@ -0,0 +1,369 @@ +[0.000 --> 20.000] Good morning. +[20.000 --> 25.000] Before we kick off, let's get a bit of light in the room. +[25.000 --> 27.000] I can see the faces, so I want to grab some of the dummy. +[27.000 --> 30.000] Let's see where you are. +[30.000 --> 31.000] That's a bit better. +[31.000 --> 34.000] Everybody hold your right hand in front like this. +[34.000 --> 35.000] In handshake position. +[35.000 --> 37.000] Uncross your legs. +[37.000 --> 39.000] Relax position right hand in front. +[39.000 --> 41.000] When I say the word now, here's what we're going to do. +[41.000 --> 42.000] I'm going to ask you to turn to some of my side. +[42.000 --> 45.000] You shake hands as if you're meeting for the first time. +[45.000 --> 47.000] And keep pumping to ask you to stop. +[47.000 --> 49.000] Then you'll stop and freeze it. +[49.000 --> 50.000] And we're going to analyze what's happening. +[50.000 --> 51.000] You got that? +[51.000 --> 52.000] You don't have time to think about this. +[52.000 --> 53.000] Do it now. +[53.000 --> 54.000] Pick anybody and pop. +[54.000 --> 55.000] Pop. +[55.000 --> 56.000] Everybody. +[56.000 --> 57.000] Pop. +[57.000 --> 58.000] Pop. +[58.000 --> 59.000] Freeze it, hold it. +[59.000 --> 60.000] Stop. +[60.000 --> 61.000] Hold it. +[61.000 --> 62.000] Freeze it. +[62.000 --> 63.000] Keep your hands locked. +[63.000 --> 64.000] Keep them locked. +[64.000 --> 65.000] The person whose hand is most on top is saying, +[65.000 --> 68.000] I'll be the boss for the rest of the day. +[68.000 --> 79.000] When you meet people for the very first time, +[79.000 --> 82.000] the first four minutes of meeting a new person, +[82.000 --> 86.000] you decide pretty much 80% of your attitude about the danger. +[86.000 --> 88.000] In fact, over 80%. +[88.000 --> 90.000] You decide in the first four minutes of meeting somebody +[90.000 --> 92.000] whether you're going to give them a beer go, +[92.000 --> 94.000] a beer hearing or whether you're going to reject them. +[94.000 --> 96.000] And the first thing is like that happen is this thing called a handshake. +[96.000 --> 99.000] And I'm going to try a couple of the front row here. +[99.000 --> 101.000] You go under three feelings when you lock hands with people. +[101.000 --> 104.000] The first feeling is, it feels pretty good. +[104.000 --> 106.000] I think you and I will get on pretty well. +[106.000 --> 108.000] I think we could do business together. +[108.000 --> 109.000] I think we're going to get on well. +[109.000 --> 110.000] That was a good one. +[110.000 --> 116.000] I'll just check my cash through all there. +[116.000 --> 119.000] I felt a bit intimidated then. +[119.000 --> 120.000] Let's try the third one. +[120.000 --> 122.000] Yes, you'll do anything I want, right? +[122.000 --> 126.000] Now, actually, it all had roughly the same handshake. +[126.000 --> 128.000] But you do get one of three god feelings. +[128.000 --> 130.000] It has to do with two things. +[130.000 --> 133.000] One is the angle of the hand, the second is the power of the hand. +[133.000 --> 134.000] Now, I'll demonstrate. +[134.000 --> 135.000] Let's get the gentleman on the front row. +[135.000 --> 137.000] Can you come and join me up here, please? +[137.000 --> 138.000] Yes. +[138.000 --> 140.000] Are you looking concerned? +[140.000 --> 143.000] Not bad. +[143.000 --> 145.000] Here is your modern western handshake. +[145.000 --> 146.000] Here's how it looks. +[146.000 --> 149.000] It's been in this position for about 2000 years. +[149.000 --> 152.000] Now, if you go back 4000 years to the Roman era on Vazas, +[152.000 --> 154.000] you would have seen it looking like this. +[154.000 --> 155.000] That's its original position. +[155.000 --> 157.000] It has several significance. +[157.000 --> 161.000] So, what would happen is that the three leaders would meet after battle or training. +[161.000 --> 162.000] And they're always men. +[162.000 --> 165.000] So, this has remained a male activity into a recent time. +[165.000 --> 167.000] When they would meet, they could do this. +[167.000 --> 168.000] This arm was stronger. +[168.000 --> 169.000] It would go something like this. +[169.000 --> 171.000] And you'd also say, it's got the upper hand. +[171.000 --> 173.000] Upper hand is an ancient Roman expression. +[173.000 --> 176.000] Now, if he's got the upper hand, it means his guys get the first crack at the winding, +[176.000 --> 177.000] the dining, and the dancing. +[177.000 --> 179.000] My guys have to wait. +[179.000 --> 181.000] Now, if he goes the other way, my guys get first crack. +[181.000 --> 183.000] It's in the middle, it's 50-50. +[183.000 --> 185.000] This was originally done squatting. +[185.000 --> 187.000] Now, we do it standing. +[187.000 --> 189.000] So, the thickness below the wrist is set up above. +[189.000 --> 192.000] But essentially, we have the same position. +[192.000 --> 195.000] So, that's why when the hand's locked, if his hand is slightly untied, +[195.000 --> 196.000] doesn't have to be right on top. +[196.000 --> 197.000] Just a little bit. +[197.000 --> 199.000] I'll get a feeling at the gut level. +[199.000 --> 203.000] Now, we think this is hard-wired, because you've never been trained or did code this. +[203.000 --> 206.000] I get a feeling he's coming on a bit heavy. +[206.000 --> 209.000] And he feels like, yeah, I think I can dominate here. +[209.000 --> 210.000] He goes the other way. +[210.000 --> 214.000] I feel like, yeah, I've got this sacrile lined up, ever know, ah? +[214.000 --> 217.000] Then you can write rapport with the handshake here with the two rules. +[217.000 --> 220.000] First, keep your hand absolutely straight. +[220.000 --> 224.000] Second, this takes a bit of practice, particularly if you're female. +[224.000 --> 227.000] Give the same pressure you receive. +[227.000 --> 231.000] So, on a scale of one to ten, let's say that a ten is a really strong one. +[231.000 --> 234.000] And a one's four-breakfast sausages. +[234.000 --> 236.000] Now, let's try it again. +[236.000 --> 237.000] Okay. +[237.000 --> 239.000] On a scale of one to ten, yours is about a seven. +[239.000 --> 241.000] Mine's about a seven, too. +[241.000 --> 243.000] So, therefore, it felt pretty good. +[243.000 --> 245.000] Neither got the upper hand, the dominant hand. +[245.000 --> 248.000] And that's why, at the gut level, we both felt pretty good. +[248.000 --> 250.000] You can see the little one, your first. +[250.000 --> 251.000] It felt okay. +[251.000 --> 252.000] Yeah, that felt good. +[252.000 --> 253.000] Yeah. +[253.000 --> 254.000] That's very good. +[254.000 --> 258.000] Now, what happens if you meet someone who's got, let's say this time, you're going to give me a nine. +[258.000 --> 259.000] And I've only got a seven. +[259.000 --> 261.000] So, give me a nine in intention. +[261.000 --> 263.000] Woo, now the hand will go straight on top. +[263.000 --> 266.000] I've got to respond with an extra 20% just to level it up. +[266.000 --> 269.000] Because if I know, he's going to have one up on me before we start. +[269.000 --> 271.000] He'll know it, and I'll know, but not a words been said. +[271.000 --> 272.000] Makes sense? +[272.000 --> 273.000] Give him a round of applause. +[273.000 --> 274.000] Thank you. +[274.000 --> 284.000] Now, there are more connections between your brain and the palm of your hands than any other body part. +[284.000 --> 290.000] As you know, there's more connections between the brain and the palm of the hands, including man-ladies, than any other body part. +[290.000 --> 295.000] So, clearly, the palms have evolved as a very important part of human beings. +[295.000 --> 296.000] And they are. +[296.000 --> 303.000] They make you bear, they brush your hair, they do small artwork, they do handshakes, they play the piano. +[303.000 --> 305.000] They do more things in most other body parts. +[305.000 --> 307.000] But here's my question to you. +[307.000 --> 311.000] When you're dealing with people, where you want to persuade them, and then some get them on sale, +[311.000 --> 317.000] you want to get them to say yes to whatever your proposal for, whether it's that job or that date, or just to get your idea and accept it. +[317.000 --> 319.000] Where are your palms as you're talking? +[319.000 --> 323.000] Now, this is something that most people have never considered. +[323.000 --> 324.000] Never. +[324.000 --> 327.000] Now, after the session, you'll consider it, you'll think about it. +[327.000 --> 331.000] And later today, you'll start to realise things about why people respond to you, +[331.000 --> 333.000] and the way they do, they give them a thought about it. +[333.000 --> 335.000] Here's what I'm going to do. +[335.000 --> 337.000] I'm going to say the same three times. +[337.000 --> 341.000] I'm going to change only what I do with the palms of my hands. +[341.000 --> 347.000] Now, I keep my body fairly still, so I don't use any other body signals to portray this. +[347.000 --> 349.000] And I keep my voices close to the same as I can. +[349.000 --> 355.000] I say as close to the can, as we know that when you change your body language, it's hardwired and you're brain to change the way you sound. +[355.000 --> 357.000] So, I'll try to keep it as close to the can soundwise. +[357.000 --> 359.000] And I'll use the exact same words. +[359.000 --> 361.000] Now, you're a task. +[361.000 --> 363.000] Is to decide. Do you accept what I'm saying? +[363.000 --> 365.000] Do you want to do it? Or do you reject me? +[365.000 --> 367.000] Do you want to fight me? Or do you want to go along with it? +[367.000 --> 369.000] Do you want to say yes or no? That's what you want to do. +[369.000 --> 371.000] Okay? Clear on this? +[371.000 --> 372.000] Here we go. +[372.000 --> 373.000] First instruction. +[373.000 --> 375.000] Now, don't do this. Just imagine this is what we're going to do. +[375.000 --> 377.000] Now, in a moment, I'm going to ask the people who are sitting in these seats here. +[377.000 --> 380.000] And I'll invite you to come and sit on the side of the room, please. +[380.000 --> 382.000] And I'll invite the people here to take their seats. +[382.000 --> 385.000] Now, those in the back of the room, come forward to the front. +[385.000 --> 388.000] And those who go in the front can sit anywhere you choose. +[388.000 --> 391.000] Now, raise your hand if you feel okay about what I'm asking. +[391.000 --> 393.000] Do you want to say, okay, raise your hand. +[393.000 --> 395.000] And so, just a bit of all of you have appeared to do what I want. +[395.000 --> 397.000] You don't even know what it is. +[397.000 --> 399.000] But you're appearing to get up and do what I want. +[399.000 --> 402.000] Because you feel like I won't threaten you. I won't intimidate you. +[402.000 --> 405.000] And then, maybe, maybe, look silly. This could be a bit of fun. +[405.000 --> 408.000] That's what you're mind-stinking because I use a signal that appeal to your ancient brain. +[408.000 --> 410.000] Let's try the second instruction. +[410.000 --> 413.000] Same words. Same voice. Chanting only the part. +[413.000 --> 416.000] Here we go. Now, I'm going to ask the people sitting on this side of the room here. +[416.000 --> 418.000] I invite you to come and take these seats. +[418.000 --> 420.000] And the people there, you can sit over here, please. +[420.000 --> 422.000] Those at the back, come forward, please sit here. +[422.000 --> 425.000] And those at the front, sit anywhere they like. +[425.000 --> 428.000] Give me a word that goes with this. What do you feel like? A word. +[428.000 --> 430.000] I go, who feels like you're getting an order? +[430.000 --> 432.000] Raise your hand if you got an order. +[432.000 --> 433.000] I go, think about this. +[433.000 --> 437.000] So, are you telling me that all I have to do is change my palms from upward position. +[437.000 --> 440.000] Where you wanted to do anything I wanted with our question. +[440.000 --> 441.000] Now, I've turned it over. +[441.000 --> 443.000] Now, your say to yourself, hang on a minute. +[443.000 --> 446.000] This guy's giving me an order. +[446.000 --> 449.000] Well, maybe I don't want to do that. +[449.000 --> 451.000] I'm an independent. +[451.000 --> 453.000] I'll just check it all out. +[453.000 --> 456.000] Make me laugh. Funny guy. +[456.000 --> 458.000] So, now, how many of you are resisting? +[458.000 --> 460.000] Let's try the third approach. +[460.000 --> 462.000] Now, I'm going to ask the people sitting in these seats here. +[462.000 --> 464.000] If you can come and sit over this side of the room, please. +[464.000 --> 466.000] And those in those seats are considered here. +[466.000 --> 468.000] In the back of the room, you can come forward, please. +[468.000 --> 469.000] Sit here. +[469.000 --> 472.000] And those at the front, you can go anywhere you like. +[472.000 --> 474.000] They give you a word that goes with this. +[474.000 --> 475.000] A word. +[475.000 --> 476.000] Not a gesture. +[476.000 --> 478.000] A word. +[478.000 --> 480.000] I guess that was a word. +[480.000 --> 483.000] What are you feeling with this? +[483.000 --> 484.000] Well, this is more than an order. +[484.000 --> 485.000] This is a directive. +[485.000 --> 486.000] You have no choice. +[486.000 --> 489.000] And you're an idiot. +[489.000 --> 492.000] So, we tested this in a very simple way. +[492.000 --> 495.000] We've got an audience sitting around like this. +[495.000 --> 496.000] We've got a speaker to present. +[496.000 --> 497.000] Proposal. +[497.000 --> 498.000] We've got 20 minutes. +[498.000 --> 501.000] They've convinced the audience to go along with the proposal. +[501.000 --> 505.000] The speaker was instructed to do the same thing three times with three audiences. +[505.000 --> 506.000] Same demographic. +[506.000 --> 507.000] We just changed the audiences. +[507.000 --> 512.000] The first time the speaker spoke primarily using the paramount position. +[512.000 --> 514.000] That was the way the proposal worked. +[514.000 --> 515.000] Here's the bottom line. +[515.000 --> 516.000] It would work for you soon. +[516.000 --> 517.000] It would work for you. +[517.000 --> 518.000] It would work for you soon. +[518.000 --> 519.000] It would work for you soon. +[519.000 --> 520.000] It would work for you soon. +[520.000 --> 521.000] Australia. +[521.000 --> 522.000] That's the way they did the first proposal. +[522.000 --> 524.000] We moved that audience out, put it in the second audience. +[524.000 --> 526.000] Now, same presentation is given to the same demographic audience. +[526.000 --> 528.000] Now, but a different audience using paramount. +[528.000 --> 529.000] Here's the way the deal works. +[529.000 --> 531.000] It would work for you and work for you and work for America. +[531.000 --> 532.000] Work on it. +[532.000 --> 533.000] It's not an assays and in isolated. +[533.000 --> 535.000] Move that audience out, put it in the third one. +[535.000 --> 538.000] Now, give the same presentation using finger pointing. +[538.000 --> 539.000] Here's the way it works. +[539.000 --> 540.000] The bottom line is there. +[540.000 --> 541.000] And there it will work for you. +[541.000 --> 542.000] You, you, you, and you. +[542.000 --> 544.000] And the America Australia and Africa. +[544.000 --> 547.000] Now, we serve our three audiences looking for two things. +[547.000 --> 552.000] First, with a simple test, how can they recall what the deal was about? +[552.000 --> 558.000] In other words, we're looking for how much were they listening to the deal as opposed to judging the speaker. +[559.000 --> 564.000] Secondly, from list of adjectives, we're asking the ticker adjectives to best describe how you felt about the speaker. +[564.000 --> 567.000] Do you reckon there was any difference? +[567.000 --> 569.000] You already know the answer, don't you? +[569.000 --> 571.000] You know the answer already without even seeing the results. +[571.000 --> 576.000] That the palm up speaker had up to 40% more retention of the deal than the palm down speaker. +[576.000 --> 578.000] The palm up speaker had the best adjective. +[578.000 --> 580.000] Lay back, friendly, humorous, engaging. +[580.000 --> 583.000] As soon as the palm's turned over, authority, management, you know what I mean? +[583.000 --> 584.000] What do you push it? +[584.000 --> 586.000] When I think it came out, nobody can remember much. +[586.000 --> 589.000] And they got the worst adjectives about that person. +[589.000 --> 591.000] Now, here's my question for you. +[591.000 --> 593.000] What's your prominent position? +[593.000 --> 597.000] You have a dominant position of one of these and which is yours. +[597.000 --> 598.000] Most people have to consider it. +[598.000 --> 601.000] But you've got one that you were using primarily when you deal with others. +[601.000 --> 604.000] Now, it's over. It's a finger. +[604.000 --> 608.000] And we know the palm down historically is a power signal. +[608.000 --> 612.000] There's more power, in fact, four times more power in your hands facing down the nut. +[612.000 --> 617.000] I think a famous example is like Adolf Hitler, the Nazi saluteman, Al Hitler. +[617.000 --> 618.000] And it's right in everybody. +[618.000 --> 621.000] How would he have gone if he had gone Al Hitler? +[624.000 --> 626.000] Nobody's going to follow Al Hitler. +[626.000 --> 629.000] That's scary. That's a mission. +[629.000 --> 631.000] Now, here's the good news about this. +[631.000 --> 636.000] That you can change and modify your hands signals with a little practice. +[636.000 --> 639.000] Now, when you first start to do this, what happens if later today or tonight? +[639.000 --> 642.000] You suddenly discover you're a finger pointer. +[642.000 --> 645.000] Like you're talking to a few of your friends that are here and you've forgotten all about it. +[645.000 --> 647.000] And you're talking and they're watching you looking at your hand. +[647.000 --> 652.000] And there it is, hitting these silly idiots on the head, not even a submission. +[652.000 --> 656.000] Now, the thing about body language, it's an outward reflection of your emotional condition. +[656.000 --> 658.000] All body language shows is how you're feeling. +[658.000 --> 663.000] Whatever attitude or emotional feeling is likely to be reflected in the gesture movement or posture. +[663.000 --> 665.000] Now, the reverse is true as well. +[665.000 --> 668.000] If you intentionally take certain positions or postures, +[668.000 --> 670.000] then you'll start to feel the emotions that go with it. +[670.000 --> 673.000] For example, everybody copy this. +[673.000 --> 674.000] It's like a former prime. +[674.000 --> 676.000] It's a slightly tapered back and forth. +[676.000 --> 678.000] Put a little smile on your face. +[678.000 --> 680.000] No teeth. +[680.000 --> 681.000] Call that your attitude. +[681.000 --> 683.000] How do you feel when you do this? +[683.000 --> 685.000] Yeah, you're actually a good plan, aren't you? +[685.000 --> 686.000] You're pretty smart. +[686.000 --> 687.000] You are in charge. +[687.000 --> 689.000] In fact, the word that goes with this is confidence. +[689.000 --> 693.000] If you're feeling confident, like, I'm not talking about, I'm in charge. +[693.000 --> 694.000] I'm an expert. +[694.000 --> 695.000] This is one that may appear. +[695.000 --> 696.000] You may unconsciously use it. +[696.000 --> 700.000] But if you intentionally use this, in situations where you're feeling tensile nervous, +[700.000 --> 704.000] like those two things, first is when you intentionally take the gesture as you just did, +[704.000 --> 708.000] you start to feel more confident in charge. +[708.000 --> 710.000] I'm going to charge my emotions. +[710.000 --> 714.000] Importantly, the person who sees you do it, it's a feeling. +[714.000 --> 716.000] You seem to know what you're about. +[716.000 --> 717.000] Now, what was you? +[717.000 --> 719.000] Now, when I first met that guy on that one, +[719.000 --> 722.000] I just seem to have a confident attitude. +[722.000 --> 724.000] Well, no, they're probably intentionally doing this. +[724.000 --> 728.000] To create that, to reassure themselves, and to make you feel good. +[728.000 --> 730.000] Fake it until you make it. +[730.000 --> 733.000] Now, if you keep on doing this as part of your rep drive, eventually, +[733.000 --> 737.000] you will constantly, when you do this, you will feel confident about what you're talking about. +[737.000 --> 744.000] Even when you don't, so you can go on to politics. +[744.000 --> 745.000] So, here's my question to you. +[745.000 --> 746.000] What is your dominant position? +[746.000 --> 747.000] I'm up. +[747.000 --> 748.000] I'm up. +[748.000 --> 749.000] I'm up. +[749.000 --> 750.000] I'm up. +[750.000 --> 751.000] I'm up. +[751.000 --> 752.000] I'm up. +[752.000 --> 753.000] I'm up. +[753.000 --> 754.000] I'm up. +[754.000 --> 755.000] I'm up. +[755.000 --> 756.000] I'm up. +[756.000 --> 757.000] I'm up. +[757.000 --> 758.000] I'm up. +[758.000 --> 759.000] I'm up. +[759.000 --> 760.000] I'm up. +[760.000 --> 761.000] I'm up. +[761.000 --> 762.000] I'm up. +[762.000 --> 763.000] I'm up. +[763.000 --> 764.000] I'm up. +[764.000 --> 765.000] I'm up. +[765.000 --> 766.000] I'm up. +[766.000 --> 767.000] I'm up. +[767.000 --> 768.000] I'm up. +[768.000 --> 769.000] I'm up. +[769.000 --> 770.000] I'm up. +[770.000 --> 771.000] I'm up. +[771.000 --> 772.000] I'm up. +[772.000 --> 773.000] I'm up. +[773.000 --> 774.000] I'm up. +[774.000 --> 775.000] I'm up. +[775.000 --> 776.000] I'm up. +[776.000 --> 777.000] I'm up. +[777.000 --> 778.000] I'm up. +[778.000 --> 779.000] I'm up. +[779.000 --> 780.000] I'm up. +[780.000 --> 781.000] I'm up. +[781.000 --> 782.000] I'm up. +[782.000 --> 783.000] I pose for what they say to whatever your suggestion. +[783.000 --> 784.000] Because they say to whatever your suggestion. +[784.000 --> 786.000] Even if this is a good idea.. +[786.000 --> 788.000] Even if this is a good idea, you can practice palms up where +[788.000 --> 791.000] you want to get an incooperation. +[791.000 --> 793.000] Now sometime you might want a bit of authority if you turn the palm +[793.000 --> 794.000] over. +[794.000 --> 796.000] And so for example if the fire alarm went off on this building.. +[796.000 --> 799.000] Is going to go by accident, accident and accident and accident. +[799.000 --> 800.000] . +[800.000 --> 802.000] It wouldn't say he's what we need to do. +[802.000 --> 804.000] We're going to go because it'd be a good man for himself if I did +[804.000 --> 805.000] it. +[805.000 --> 807.000] It'd be a good man for himself if I did this. +[807.000 --> 809.000] So by intentionally practicing positions, suddenly with the palm +[809.000 --> 813.800] with the parma, you'll find that people start feeling like they're drawn to you. In fact, +[813.800 --> 819.640] as we've been talking, I've been drawing in, I've been doing the Obama home. We want to +[819.640 --> 825.560] help the American. We want you to come here. Yeah, we love you, like your mama did, +[825.560 --> 829.560] cuddling in. Like I think if he's predecessor, he said, we want to help everybody. We want +[829.560 --> 837.640] to help help help you, you and you. What do you think we should have with reflection +[837.640 --> 844.120] of emotions? If you intentionally take certain positions and practice them, it suddenly changes +[844.120 --> 849.240] how people perceive you and it changes your own physiology, you start until different about yourself. +[850.040 --> 853.560] That's the great thing about it. You can do things on purpose which gives your gratitude +[853.560 --> 864.040] to getting yes to the job, the proposal, to the idea, the date or better. diff --git a/transcript/TED__v36Vt9GmH8.txt b/transcript/TED__v36Vt9GmH8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..8852688cc96d60bbc06b4ebe9f9bc419f35f0c97 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED__v36Vt9GmH8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,246 @@ +[0.000 --> 16.000] So if you ever had one of those buttons pop up on your computer screen that says software +[16.000 --> 19.800] update available, do you want to install it now? +[19.800 --> 26.280] Well our computers use programs to process vast amounts of information. +[26.280 --> 31.920] And programmers know that if we're running faulty programs, we get faulty results. +[31.920 --> 35.120] And this is why we have the upgrade process for our computers. +[35.120 --> 40.040] Well it turns out your subconscious works much the same way. +[40.040 --> 46.680] In fact our subconscious will process up to 40 million pieces of information every single +[46.680 --> 48.200] second. +[48.200 --> 55.000] And in order to process those huge amounts of information, our subconscious chooses programs. +[55.000 --> 60.200] And the thing is, we've been choosing those programs since we were a child. +[60.200 --> 65.920] And now as an adult, we may still be running the same programs and getting messy results +[65.920 --> 67.440] in our life. +[67.440 --> 71.760] So who wants an upgrade button for their subconscious programming? +[71.760 --> 77.400] I have figured out how to access mine and that's what I want to share with you. +[77.400 --> 79.720] So I want you to play with me here for a minute. +[79.720 --> 82.440] Everybody, fold your arms. +[83.280 --> 84.280] Good. +[84.280 --> 87.480] Now look down and see which arm is on top. +[87.480 --> 88.480] Okay. +[88.480 --> 89.480] Unfold them. +[89.480 --> 94.120] Now fold them back with the other arm on top. +[94.120 --> 97.240] Okay, how does that feel? +[97.240 --> 100.480] It's awkward, it's uncomfortable. +[100.480 --> 104.560] This person over here is like arms do not do that. +[104.560 --> 111.120] But what you're feeling there in science, they have a term called cognitive dissonance. +[111.120 --> 117.320] Now cognitive dissonance states that we cannot hold on to two conflicting ideas without +[117.320 --> 119.000] discomfort. +[119.000 --> 123.240] Our brain cannot hold on to two conflicting ideas without discomfort. +[123.240 --> 125.160] So you can all unfold your arms now. +[125.160 --> 128.120] I don't want you to fold your arms the whole time. +[128.120 --> 134.440] But what you felt there was the feeling of a conflicting program. +[134.440 --> 139.840] And so cognitive dissonance is one of the parts that gives us an opportunity to upgrade +[139.840 --> 142.200] our subconscious programming. +[142.200 --> 144.280] And here's the other part. +[144.280 --> 149.480] When it comes to communication, there are three main parts to our communication. +[149.480 --> 151.720] There's the words that we speak. +[151.720 --> 154.160] And then there's the tone of those words. +[154.160 --> 156.880] Have you ever gotten in trouble for your tone of voice? +[156.880 --> 160.480] Yeah, it has messages with it. +[160.480 --> 165.040] And the third part is our gestures or our body language. +[165.040 --> 169.400] And so when we don't know what messages we're sending with our body language, and they +[169.400 --> 176.760] don't match the words we speak, people will discount the words that they hear to believe +[176.760 --> 179.360] the gestures they see. +[179.360 --> 184.480] Because our subconscious understands the difference between those two messages. +[184.480 --> 188.840] But Anne, how can our brains send out two different messages at the same time? +[188.840 --> 195.720] Well, it's because your subconscious is what runs the majority of your body language. +[195.720 --> 200.680] And remember, our subconscious is working on programs. +[200.680 --> 207.880] And our subconscious or our whole brain is inherently out to conserve energy. +[207.880 --> 214.480] Our brain wants to conserve energy and knows that it's easier to maintain the current programs +[214.480 --> 217.000] than to adopt a new one. +[217.000 --> 223.000] And so when we put these two ideas together, we now have access to this update for our +[223.000 --> 225.440] subconscious programming. +[225.440 --> 230.680] So let me explain by telling you where I was in my life, not too long ago. +[230.680 --> 235.760] In fact, it was only about six years ago that I was at a place where, let's just say, +[235.760 --> 237.440] it was very hard. +[237.440 --> 243.720] I tried to interact with people, and I found people to be very argumentative, to be unpredictable, +[243.720 --> 246.080] to be hard to be around. +[246.080 --> 248.320] And it was just not fun. +[248.320 --> 251.760] And I decided that everybody on this planet is just mean. +[251.760 --> 253.480] It's just the way it was. +[253.480 --> 258.080] In fact, I got to where I would send my kids to school in the morning, and then I would +[258.080 --> 260.280] hide inside the house. +[260.280 --> 263.840] And I wouldn't answer the door, and I wouldn't answer the phone. +[263.840 --> 269.240] Because no matter how hard I had tried, the results I was getting were not matching the +[269.240 --> 272.640] effort I was putting forth to interact with people. +[272.640 --> 274.960] And I felt stuck. +[274.960 --> 276.680] So this is where I was. +[276.680 --> 282.160] And I saw people having opportunities, but I couldn't seem to catch one for myself. +[282.160 --> 288.480] So even though in my life, I had worked as an engineer in flight simulation and explosives, +[288.480 --> 292.880] this is the point in my life where I changed and started studying communication and body +[292.880 --> 293.880] language. +[293.880 --> 299.400] And as I learned these two parts that I just told you, I started to recognize that they +[299.400 --> 304.640] would give me a choice to change the way I interact with people. +[304.640 --> 307.200] And I began to put it into practice. +[307.200 --> 313.520] Because I wanted to understand why some people could figure these things out, but I wasn't. +[313.520 --> 317.160] So let me teach you a little bit about body language so you can understand what's going +[317.160 --> 318.640] on here. +[318.640 --> 325.760] When somebody feels weak, if I feel weak, I will use weak closed body language. +[325.760 --> 330.800] My shoulders will come down, I'll fold my arms, I'll look down, maybe even my weight +[330.800 --> 334.360] goes on one leg, because I feel weak. +[334.360 --> 339.840] But by contrast, when somebody feels strong, their body language opens up. +[339.840 --> 344.160] They might put their arms down to their side, their shoulders go up, their chin goes up, +[344.160 --> 347.720] they'll smile, their weight goes on both legs. +[347.720 --> 356.240] Now remember, in my life at this time, I felt weak, but I wanted to be strong. +[356.240 --> 359.800] And so I decided I was going to figure this out. +[359.800 --> 363.720] And I looked around at me, I looked around me at people who were successful. +[363.720 --> 369.240] I looked at celebrities, I looked at business owners, I looked at people around me in relationships +[369.240 --> 372.840] that were having very strong, powerful relationships. +[372.840 --> 379.360] And I realized that these successful people were not behaving exactly the same as me. +[379.360 --> 381.400] So here's how it looked for me. +[381.400 --> 386.920] Since I felt weak and I was afraid of the people I was interacting with, I very often folded +[386.920 --> 387.920] my arms. +[387.920 --> 390.360] I kept my arms folded a lot. +[390.360 --> 394.640] And if anybody had asked me why, I'd tell them, well, because I have no where else to put my hands +[394.640 --> 396.040] when I'm not using them. +[396.040 --> 397.840] I don't want them just hanging out here. +[397.840 --> 399.960] I'm going to fold my arms. +[399.960 --> 405.240] But when I watched these successful people, the majority of the time when they weren't using +[405.240 --> 409.080] their hands, they put them down to their sides. +[409.080 --> 411.520] So I decided I was going to try it. +[411.520 --> 415.840] And if you could have been in my brain at the time, it would have been very entertaining. +[415.840 --> 421.240] Because as I walked around, I had this dissonance going on inside of my head. +[421.240 --> 426.320] Because my old program was saying people are unsafe. +[426.320 --> 431.400] But I was choosing to send a message that I felt strong and comfortable and open around +[431.400 --> 432.680] people. +[432.680 --> 436.480] So I said, my hands will go here when I'm not using them. +[436.480 --> 438.320] Now it doesn't mean I walked around like this. +[438.320 --> 440.000] That would be very weird. +[440.000 --> 444.320] But it does mean that when I wasn't using them, I put them away here. +[444.320 --> 448.480] And then my subconscious would say, it's more comfortable to fold your arms. +[448.480 --> 450.600] And I'd say, no, I want my arms here. +[450.600 --> 453.360] Fold them here, fold them here, fold them here. +[453.360 --> 456.160] And that's what it felt like in my head. +[456.160 --> 459.680] But after a little while, my subconscious decided, you know what? +[459.680 --> 465.280] It's going to be easier to just adopt the new program and not keep arguing with her. +[465.280 --> 468.360] And I began to feel differently. +[468.360 --> 471.960] And so people around me started to notice. +[471.960 --> 474.440] Now you can feel this with me right now. +[474.440 --> 476.840] Some of you may have heard of this scientific term. +[476.840 --> 478.360] It's called gravity. +[478.360 --> 480.920] You heard of that one? +[480.920 --> 483.760] It pulls down on us really well. +[483.760 --> 488.480] And during the day, it likes to pull down on our shoulders and pull down on our chin. +[488.480 --> 492.600] So everybody, let your shoulders come down and your chin come down. +[492.600 --> 496.240] Now how does that feel? +[496.240 --> 498.160] People tell me it feels tired. +[498.160 --> 499.640] It feels burdened. +[499.640 --> 501.840] It feels depressed. +[501.840 --> 508.400] But now, instead, pull your shoulders back up and pull your chin just above level. +[508.400 --> 511.240] Now how does that feel? +[511.240 --> 513.280] It feels empowered. +[513.280 --> 514.280] Like I'm awake. +[514.280 --> 515.720] I can do it. +[515.720 --> 521.600] You've just felt the difference in changing or choosing a new program. +[521.600 --> 527.240] In fact, in 2009, there was a study that was published in the European Journal of Social +[527.240 --> 528.760] Psychology. +[528.760 --> 534.640] And in there, what they had done was they asked people to fill out a self-evaluation. +[534.640 --> 542.960] And they did the self-evaluation either in a slumped stance or in good posture. +[542.960 --> 549.680] And the people who had good posture rated themselves higher on their self-evaluation. +[549.680 --> 553.800] And it turns out your grandma was right because she was pretty smart. +[553.800 --> 556.960] She kept telling us to sit up straight. +[556.960 --> 562.280] But that is an opportunity to feel different on the inside of us. +[562.280 --> 566.800] So that's one of the things that I did to start changing my programming. +[566.800 --> 568.760] May I share two more with you? +[568.760 --> 570.520] Okay. +[570.520 --> 574.440] What I noticed about me, well actually, let's talk about you for a minute. +[574.440 --> 579.160] When it comes to body language, I watch body language everywhere I go. +[579.160 --> 581.720] And I've worked with thousands of people. +[581.720 --> 588.600] And what I found is that the majority of people will use a lot of push away body language. +[588.600 --> 590.320] They push away. +[590.320 --> 596.160] And then they wonder why they're not getting job promotions or raises or opportunities +[596.160 --> 598.440] or relationships in their life. +[598.440 --> 600.440] But they're pushing things away. +[600.440 --> 607.800] In fact, the fastest way to see somebody use push away body language is give them a compliment. +[607.800 --> 611.680] When you give somebody a compliment, how do they respond? +[611.680 --> 613.160] Thank you. +[613.160 --> 616.000] And they throw the compliment away. +[616.000 --> 618.000] Or they'll explain it away. +[618.000 --> 619.000] I love it. +[619.000 --> 620.480] I do little tests all the time. +[620.480 --> 622.240] I'll give people a compliment. +[622.240 --> 625.440] And then I watch their body language after the compliment. +[625.440 --> 630.880] And often people suddenly have to brush off their pants when they get a compliment. +[630.880 --> 633.200] Or they'll like brush their shoulder. +[633.200 --> 641.400] Or my favorite was once I gave a lady a compliment and she said, oh, thanks. +[641.400 --> 643.960] And I'm like, so that was a disgusting bugger. +[643.960 --> 647.120] You had to flick off your finger. +[647.120 --> 653.200] When we have compliments coming to us, if we can't receive a compliment, how are we going +[653.200 --> 656.280] to receive other things coming to us? +[656.280 --> 662.480] So I recognize this and decided I wanted to access this program that was inside of me, +[662.480 --> 664.120] whatever it was. +[664.120 --> 670.600] And I realized the easiest way to do this would be to change how I reacted to a compliment. +[670.600 --> 675.960] And so now, instead of pushing compliments away, I decided when somebody gave me a compliment, +[675.960 --> 680.560] I would scoop it up in front of me and place it gently in my heart. +[680.560 --> 685.760] So just like this, while using the magic words, thank you. +[685.760 --> 687.800] Have you heard those words? +[687.800 --> 689.400] They're good. +[689.400 --> 691.560] So try it with me. +[691.560 --> 692.560] Thank you. +[692.560 --> 694.160] Oh, do it again. +[694.160 --> 695.160] That's fun. +[695.160 --> 696.560] Thank you. +[696.560 --> 701.920] Now notice how a lot of your mouths, the corners of your mouth went up when you did that. +[701.920 --> 704.640] Because you felt the difference. +[704.640 --> 706.360] You felt the difference. +[706.360 --> 714.400] And so when you use this kind of body language, it's changing the program in your subconscious. +[714.400 --> 719.960] And as I was doing this in my life, people started to notice the difference in me. +[719.960 --> 724.840] And one of the people that noticed the difference was my teenage son. +[724.840 --> 728.680] And at this point in my life, he was 13 years old. +[728.680 --> 730.920] And we had been moving around quite a bit. +[730.920 --> 734.280] So he had gone to four different junior highs. +[734.280 --> 736.640] Anybody ever been to junior high? +[736.640 --> 737.880] Crazy place, junior high. +[737.880 --> 739.720] And he'd been to four of them. +[739.720 --> 744.680] So he comes home one day after the first day in his fourth junior high. +[744.680 --> 745.680] So now I need to volunteer. +[745.680 --> 746.680] Oh, awesome. +[746.680 --> 750.040] Would you come up and be my volunteer? +[750.040 --> 755.000] So he just gone to his first day in the fourth junior high. +[755.000 --> 760.600] So what I'm wanting from you is I need really great teenage boy body language. +[760.600 --> 761.600] You do that for me? +[761.600 --> 762.600] Oh, nice. +[762.600 --> 763.600] There you go. +[763.600 --> 765.360] Yeah, get that phone out there. +[765.360 --> 767.800] Okay, so let's put that away for just a second. +[767.800 --> 770.480] But fold your arms for me and just freeze. +[770.480 --> 772.760] But turn this way so everybody can see you. +[772.760 --> 775.120] Is anybody ever seen a teenager before? +[775.120 --> 777.280] That's pretty good body language. +[778.000 --> 780.320] Yeah, exactly. +[780.320 --> 784.840] So here's my teenager and he's standing like this and he goes, +[784.840 --> 789.200] Mom, tell me why the kids keep picking on me. +[789.200 --> 792.680] And I'm like, oh, all right, I'll tell you. +[792.680 --> 793.960] I'll help you with that. +[793.960 --> 797.680] And he's like, is it body language? +[797.680 --> 801.120] And I said, yes, dear, that's what I do. +[801.120 --> 804.400] And he goes, fine, tell me then. +[804.400 --> 809.560] So I knew with that attitude, I had time to only share one piece of body language with him. +[809.560 --> 814.240] And I wanted to share something that would send a different message out, +[814.240 --> 818.640] but also send a different message to his subconscious. +[818.640 --> 820.920] And so I chose legs. +[820.920 --> 826.000] And I asked him, I said, it's school, do you stand with your weight on one leg like this? +[826.000 --> 829.440] And he goes, yeah, Mom, we all do duh. +[829.440 --> 834.200] And I'm like, well, Mr. Attitude, did you know when you stand with your weight, +[834.200 --> 837.240] like this, it sends a weak message. +[837.240 --> 843.120] It sends a message you feel weak and that you could be easily knocked off balance. +[843.120 --> 847.040] So I said, instead, if you'll come put your weight on both legs, +[847.040 --> 850.320] when you're at your locker or up in front of the class, +[850.320 --> 855.400] now this will send the message that you're strong in your foundation. +[855.400 --> 858.600] And people will treat you differently. +[858.600 --> 861.840] And he rolled his eyes and he's like, sure, Mom. +[861.840 --> 864.080] So thank you, thank you for being my volunteer. +[864.080 --> 872.960] And so I waited and I thought, well, we'll just see what happens. +[872.960 --> 878.320] And it wasn't maybe two weeks later, he comes home and he walks in the house. +[878.320 --> 883.560] And when he saw me, I could tell he had something he wasn't quite ready to share with me yet. +[883.560 --> 890.200] So I just waited patiently and he comes over and he stands next to me and he goes, +[890.200 --> 895.440] Mom, it works and he ran out of the room. +[895.440 --> 896.920] But he tried it. +[896.920 --> 901.080] And the end of that school year, I gave him the option to change schools again. +[901.080 --> 905.400] And he said, Mom, I have more friends and better results at this school +[905.400 --> 908.080] than any of the schools I've been to. +[908.080 --> 910.640] And the only thing I taught him was legs. +[910.640 --> 917.360] But that teaching him of that helped him access programs in his subconscious. +[917.360 --> 923.520] So it turns out you have an update available for your subconscious programming. +[923.520 --> 927.400] The question is, are you going to install it now? +[927.400 --> 931.200] Change your body language and change your results. diff --git a/transcript/TED_cef35Fk7YD8.txt b/transcript/TED_cef35Fk7YD8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..43fed2756709fc3de164592d92701a70785c55bd --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_cef35Fk7YD8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,296 @@ +[0.000 --> 17.280] Hello, my name is Vanessa and I am a recovering awkward person. +[17.280 --> 23.120] This is me at the peak of what I like to call my plaid vest phase. +[23.120 --> 28.800] Luckily my years of social awkwardness led me to a fascinating career trying to figure +[28.800 --> 31.840] out how people work. +[31.840 --> 36.080] So what I didn't realize is that many years ago I would do an experiment that led me +[36.080 --> 39.000] right on this stage in front of you here today. +[39.000 --> 43.760] My lab researchers and I were curious about TED Talks. +[43.760 --> 48.480] We wanted to know why do some TED Talks go viral and others don't? +[48.480 --> 50.320] So we embarked on a huge experiment. +[50.320 --> 54.680] We analyzed thousands of hours of TED Talks looking for patterns. +[54.680 --> 56.680] Now I wasn't sure if we would find anything. +[56.680 --> 61.240] So we were analyzing body language, hand gestures, vocal variety. +[61.240 --> 67.160] We even looked at outfit choices which made today particularly pressure-filled. +[67.160 --> 72.200] And very quickly there was a pattern in the data that made me curious. +[72.200 --> 76.240] And after we coded more and more TED Talks we realized there was a pattern. +[76.240 --> 81.000] Now before I tell you what that is, I have a personal question for you which is when +[81.000 --> 85.080] you see someone, what part of the body do you look at first? +[85.080 --> 86.400] You can just call it out. +[86.400 --> 89.360] What do you look first when you see someone? +[89.360 --> 93.480] Face, eyes, so most people choose. +[93.480 --> 99.400] They're very high. +[99.400 --> 104.480] So most people say eyes, face, or mouth. +[104.480 --> 109.960] But actually when we first see someone the first place we look is the hands. +[109.960 --> 112.360] And this is left over from our cave man days. +[112.360 --> 115.640] Because if we were approached by a stranger cave man, the first place we looked was the +[115.640 --> 118.480] hands to see if they were carrying a rock or a spear. +[118.480 --> 122.240] In other words we wanted to know if we were safe, if they were friend or foe. +[122.240 --> 125.480] Now this actually still remains from cave man days. +[125.480 --> 129.640] And when we can't see someone's hands, something interesting happens. +[129.640 --> 132.240] So I just did something a little mean to your brain. +[132.240 --> 136.400] You should start to feel just a little bit uncomfortable. +[136.400 --> 140.400] And the reason for that is because when you can't see my hands you wonder, what is she +[140.400 --> 143.040] doing back there? +[143.040 --> 147.920] And then the longer I leave my hands behind my back, you get more and more distracted because +[147.920 --> 148.920] you can't see them. +[148.920 --> 152.440] And eventually your brain is just screaming, can she just bring her hands out from behind +[152.440 --> 154.280] her back? +[154.280 --> 158.880] And the moment I bring them back out, it feels so much better. +[158.880 --> 162.920] And this is because our brain knows that if we can't see hands, we can't see intention. +[162.920 --> 168.520] And what we found is when we compared the most viewed TED Talks, side by side with the +[168.520 --> 172.880] least viewed TED Talks, we found a pattern with hand gestures. +[172.880 --> 180.560] Specifically, on average the most popular TED Talkers use an average of 465 hand gestures +[180.560 --> 181.560] in 18 minutes. +[181.560 --> 184.320] Yes, we painstakingly counted every single one. +[184.320 --> 189.720] I have 465 prepared for you today. +[189.720 --> 197.720] And the least popular TED Talkers use an average of 272 hand gestures, almost half. +[197.720 --> 199.120] What's happening here? +[199.120 --> 203.880] So when TED speakers take the stage, they're showing you first friend, friend, friend, friend. +[203.880 --> 206.360] You'll notice when I walked out on the stage, I waved. +[206.360 --> 210.040] I was saying friend, friend, friend, friend. +[210.040 --> 213.520] And the other thing that TED speakers do, see this looks familiar. +[213.520 --> 219.000] So they come into the red dot and they do something like this. +[219.000 --> 224.160] Today I want to talk to you about a big idea. +[224.160 --> 236.480] I'm going to break it down into three different areas that are going to change your life. +[236.480 --> 241.440] So the most viral TED Talkers seem to sit in the same way with these hand gestures, because +[241.440 --> 246.560] what they're doing is they're showing you, I know my content so well that I can speak +[246.560 --> 248.800] to you on two different tracks. +[248.800 --> 254.880] I can speak to you with my words, but I can also explain my concepts with my hands. +[254.880 --> 257.760] And this way they underline their concepts with their words. +[257.760 --> 266.000] For example, if I were to say today, I have a really big idea. +[266.000 --> 268.960] It's huge. +[268.960 --> 271.840] You laugh and you're like Vanessa, it's so small. +[271.840 --> 273.680] It's not very big. +[273.680 --> 279.400] And that is because your brain gives 12.5 times more weight to hand gestures. +[279.400 --> 285.720] So today I have a really, really big idea. +[285.720 --> 288.400] And I'm going to explain it to you in three different ways. +[288.400 --> 293.200] My big idea is that we are contagious. +[293.200 --> 298.640] Specifically as humans, we are constantly sending and decoding body language signals. +[298.640 --> 302.080] We also do this emotionally and chemically. +[302.080 --> 307.840] To explain this, I have a rather disgusting but very fascinating study. +[307.840 --> 315.160] So in this study, researchers collected sweat pads from people who ran on the treadmill. +[315.160 --> 320.320] Then they collected sweat pads from skydivers on their first time skydive. +[320.320 --> 322.000] Two very different kinds of sweat. +[322.000 --> 323.520] Here's the disgusting part. +[323.520 --> 327.480] Then they had poor unsuspecting participants. +[327.480 --> 328.560] I know. +[328.560 --> 334.720] They had unsuspecting participants in the lab smell these sweat pads while they were in +[334.720 --> 336.800] an FMRI machine. +[336.800 --> 338.800] Here's where it gets interesting. +[338.800 --> 343.680] Even though the participants had no idea what they were smelling, the ones that smelled +[343.680 --> 349.520] the skydiving sweat pads had their fear response in their brain activated. +[349.520 --> 354.200] In other words, they caught the fear. +[354.200 --> 357.400] This means that our emotions are contagious. +[357.400 --> 358.920] Our fear is contagious. +[358.920 --> 361.080] Our confidence is contagious. +[361.080 --> 363.640] This begs the big question. +[363.640 --> 368.200] If our emotions are contagious, how do we make sure that we are infecting people with +[368.200 --> 370.320] the right ones? +[370.320 --> 373.600] So I believe that we can be contagious in three different ways. +[373.600 --> 375.760] The first one is nonverbaly. +[375.760 --> 379.920] To test this idea, I did a very simple experiment in the street of Portland, Oregon. +[379.920 --> 385.400] What I did is I stood in the street and I looked up at nothing. +[385.400 --> 390.320] I wanted to see if people would catch or mirror my nonverbal. +[390.320 --> 392.360] You can see this video. +[392.360 --> 396.640] I stand in the streets looking at nothing. +[396.640 --> 399.640] Slowly one by one. +[399.640 --> 402.760] I infect people walking by. +[402.760 --> 409.880] Slowly we began to gather a crowd. +[409.880 --> 419.200] This poor woman, she was standing there with me and we are standing there. +[419.200 --> 420.600] We are looking at nothing. +[420.600 --> 421.600] I just want to improve. +[421.600 --> 426.440] We are standing and I am going, how long are we going to stand here? +[426.440 --> 427.440] Who is going to break first? +[427.440 --> 439.120] After about 40 seconds, we are looking and she leans over and says, is he going to jump? +[439.120 --> 447.040] This experience taught me that we catch emotions and then we create rationales for why we have +[447.040 --> 449.160] caught that emotion. +[449.160 --> 450.640] This is actually a good thing. +[450.640 --> 452.880] As humans, this keeps us safe. +[452.880 --> 456.280] Dr. Paul Eckman has studied something called the micro expression. +[456.280 --> 459.920] It is a universal facial expression and he has discovered there are seven of them. +[459.920 --> 465.440] Across genders and races, we all make the same expression when we feel intense emotion. +[465.440 --> 468.520] This is the fear micro expression. +[468.520 --> 473.120] So fear is a really important emotion because we want to catch it from someone else to warn +[473.120 --> 475.600] us if something is about to go wrong. +[475.600 --> 479.000] This facial expression also keeps us safe. +[479.000 --> 482.960] Imagine for a second that you are walking and you see a snake. +[482.960 --> 487.040] Your eyelids and your eyebrows jump out of the way so you can take it as much of the +[487.040 --> 488.440] environment as possible. +[488.440 --> 489.440] Is there another snake? +[489.440 --> 490.440] What is my escape route? +[490.440 --> 496.520] Then your mouth opens so you can take an oxygen in case you have to fight, yell for help +[496.520 --> 498.080] or flee. +[498.080 --> 503.200] You make this face before we consciously realize we have seen a snake. +[503.200 --> 508.320] Now what is interesting about it is you should be starting to feel a little bit anxious. +[508.320 --> 512.280] And that is because when we see other people have fear, if we saw this face in the subway, +[512.280 --> 513.360] we would be like, what is wrong? +[513.360 --> 514.840] What is going on? +[514.840 --> 515.840] Because it keeps us safe. +[515.840 --> 517.680] So I want you to try it with me. +[517.680 --> 520.280] So open your eyes as wide as possible. +[520.280 --> 521.280] Raise your eyebrows up. +[521.280 --> 522.280] Very good. +[522.280 --> 524.280] Now take a sharp breath. +[524.280 --> 525.280] Perfect. +[525.280 --> 526.280] Do you feel anxious? +[527.280 --> 533.280] What is interesting about facial expressions is they cause our emotions. +[533.280 --> 537.200] So not only do our emotions cause our face, but our face also causes our emotions. +[537.200 --> 539.960] It is called the facial feedback hypothesis. +[539.960 --> 544.760] So when we see someone with this face, we catch their emotion and then we are ready to +[544.760 --> 547.320] fight, flee or yell for help. +[547.320 --> 550.920] Luckily, this also works with positive emotions. +[550.920 --> 555.960] So one of the faces behind me is a real happiness micro expression and one of them is fake. +[555.960 --> 565.640] So the real happiness micro expression is when the smile reaches all the way up into +[565.640 --> 569.480] these upper-crows' feet muscles, those upper cheek muscles. +[569.480 --> 575.080] And this is really important because you know when you tell a frenemy, good news, and +[575.080 --> 578.440] they say they are happy for you, but you know they are not really. +[578.440 --> 579.440] It looks like this. +[579.440 --> 584.520] Oh yeah, I am so happy for you. +[584.520 --> 586.640] So try the fake expression for me first. +[586.640 --> 589.960] So just try the fake smile, only on the bottom half of the face. +[589.960 --> 595.280] You can even go, it doesn't feel so good, it feels inauthentic. +[595.280 --> 599.080] Now go all the way up into your eyes, the smile all the way up into the upper cheek muscles. +[599.080 --> 602.120] That should feel so much better. +[602.120 --> 607.320] So what is interesting about this facial expression is it causes our own happiness. +[607.320 --> 610.720] And we also catch it when we see it. +[610.720 --> 613.760] Researchers at the University of Finland looked at these two facial expressions and they +[613.760 --> 619.040] had participants look at photos of people with real happiness and fake happiness. +[619.040 --> 623.880] They found that when they showed participants pictures of the real happiness smile, those +[623.880 --> 628.480] emotions caught, they caught the positive emotions and they themselves had a positive +[628.480 --> 630.080] mood change. +[630.080 --> 635.840] But when they looked at the face with the fake happiness smile, they caught nothing. +[635.840 --> 640.320] In other words, if we show up to events that we are ambivalent about, interact with people +[640.320 --> 645.280] that we don't really like, we become less memorable. +[645.280 --> 649.120] This doesn't just happen in person, it also happens on the phone. +[649.120 --> 652.640] So I worked with a lot of different clients, corporate clients were on the phone all the +[652.640 --> 653.640] time. +[653.640 --> 657.200] They said, Vanessa, I get being happy in person, but how about on the phone? +[657.200 --> 661.200] So we decided to do an experiment where we had participants in our lab record different +[661.200 --> 665.720] versions of their, hello, the first impression on the phone. +[665.720 --> 671.440] We wanted to know if people could hear happiness, sadness or anger. +[671.440 --> 676.520] So we had people record different versions of their, hello, with happiness, sadness, +[676.520 --> 678.360] anger, and all power posing. +[678.360 --> 681.040] We wanted to see if they would sound different. +[681.040 --> 685.680] So I want to play you two different versions of hello and see if you can guess which one +[685.680 --> 686.680] is the happy hello. +[686.680 --> 687.680] Are you ready? +[687.680 --> 688.680] All right, same person. +[688.680 --> 689.680] Here's A. +[689.680 --> 690.680] Hello. +[690.680 --> 691.680] Here's B. +[691.680 --> 692.680] Hello. +[692.680 --> 697.680] How many will think A is the happy hello? +[697.680 --> 700.000] How many will think B is the happy hello? +[700.000 --> 701.080] Very good. +[701.080 --> 703.360] We can hear this difference. +[703.360 --> 705.600] We can hear this micro expression. +[705.600 --> 709.160] Now I thought this was interesting, but I wanted to take it a step further. +[709.160 --> 714.120] So we devised a second part of our experiment where we had participants in our lab listen +[714.120 --> 719.160] to these recordings and rate that person on likeability. +[719.160 --> 723.560] We wanted to see if the happiness micro expressions or the anger micro expressions or the power +[723.560 --> 725.640] posing expressions did better. +[725.640 --> 726.640] Here's what happened. +[726.640 --> 730.840] After we asked people, I do like this person a lot. +[730.840 --> 734.440] I like this person a little or I do not like this person. +[734.440 --> 739.160] We found that the happiness micro expressions across all trials for both men and women, +[739.160 --> 741.560] they became more likeable. +[741.560 --> 747.960] Whereas the same person who made an anger or sadness micro expression were less likeable. +[747.960 --> 752.720] This is the happy side effect of having your confidence be contagious. +[752.720 --> 758.920] Not only do you infect someone else without happiness, you also become more likeable. +[758.920 --> 762.840] We talked about nonverbal and I have to talk about what comes after the hello. +[762.840 --> 766.640] How do we infect confidence verbally? +[766.640 --> 772.680] So in this study, we did Portland, Oregon, we took 500 speed networkers and we asked +[772.680 --> 776.840] each of these speed networkers to go through a conversation starter round, eight of these +[776.840 --> 777.840] rounds. +[777.840 --> 782.880] So we assigned each participant a conversation starter to have with a stranger. +[782.880 --> 787.560] Then we set up corners, cameras and all corners of the room and we analyzed each of these +[787.560 --> 789.680] speed rounds for patterns. +[789.680 --> 795.440] We were looking for body language patterns, leans, nods, laughs, smiles, confidence. +[795.440 --> 800.200] We were also looking for volume differences in a really good conversation, usually the volume +[800.200 --> 802.960] goes up in a really awkward, bad conversation. +[802.960 --> 807.800] There's lots of silences and the volume goes down and we also asked each of the participants +[807.800 --> 810.440] to rate the conversation starters. +[810.440 --> 815.560] We wanted to know which ones produce the highest quality of conversation. +[815.560 --> 821.120] We found was that the conversation starters that worked centered on this little chemical +[821.120 --> 822.640] called dopamine. +[822.640 --> 829.040] So dopamine is the neurotransmitter that we produce when we feel pleasure or we get a reward. +[829.040 --> 833.160] And I noticed that most of our chit chat that we have at parties or networking events is +[833.160 --> 834.160] the same. +[834.160 --> 836.200] It sounds like this. +[836.200 --> 839.520] So what do you do? +[839.520 --> 841.360] Where are you from? +[841.360 --> 842.680] Live around here? +[842.680 --> 845.080] Well I'm going to go get some more wine. +[845.080 --> 848.080] It's great talking to you. +[848.080 --> 850.840] Those conversations happened over and over again. +[850.840 --> 854.080] It was almost as if they were socially scripted. +[854.080 --> 855.680] My brain was on autopilot. +[855.680 --> 859.320] We found was the worst ranked conversation starters. +[859.320 --> 861.120] The ones that got the lowest ratings. +[861.120 --> 863.160] The ones that produced the lowest volume. +[863.160 --> 868.400] The ones that got the most leans away, worst head nods and worst micro expressions. +[868.400 --> 871.160] Those were the ones that we use the most. +[871.160 --> 872.160] What do you do? +[872.160 --> 873.160] How are you? +[873.160 --> 874.440] Where are you from? +[874.440 --> 879.560] From a physiological perspective, have no effect, no pleasure. +[879.560 --> 884.920] So what we tried was to find conversation chargers that could spark or create some kind +[884.920 --> 886.160] of excitement. +[886.160 --> 889.200] Can you verbally trigger dopamine? +[889.200 --> 891.160] And we found that the brain is really interesting. +[891.160 --> 895.880] If you ask the brain a question, it tends to look for hits and not misses. +[895.880 --> 901.040] What I mean by this is if you ask someone, bin busy lately, their brain immediately +[901.040 --> 903.360] looks for all the hits of bin busy. +[903.360 --> 905.160] They think about all the negative things that have happened. +[905.160 --> 908.840] The stress, the busyness, all the bad things in their life. +[908.840 --> 914.360] Whereas if you ask someone working on anything exciting recently, their brain immediately +[914.360 --> 916.760] begins to look for all the hits of excitement. +[916.760 --> 920.480] They start thinking of all the good, all the happy things, all the excitement that's going +[920.480 --> 922.000] on in their own life. +[922.000 --> 923.840] And that does two things. +[923.840 --> 926.600] One, it creates pleasure for them. +[926.600 --> 931.160] You're literally asking them to borrow excitement from other places in their life and bring +[931.160 --> 933.440] it to the situation that you're in. +[933.440 --> 936.960] And the other thing that it does is it makes you more memorable. +[936.960 --> 941.800] Dr. John Medita found that dopamine, when it's triggered in verbal conversation, makes +[941.800 --> 944.000] a mental post-it note. +[944.000 --> 948.520] In other words, when you ask someone else to think of what's exciting in their life, the +[948.520 --> 952.480] happy side effect is that you become more memorable. +[952.480 --> 956.040] So here's my big challenge for today. +[956.040 --> 961.360] Instead of using the typical, what do you do, how are you, and where are you from? +[961.360 --> 964.360] Let's banish those conversation starters forever. +[964.360 --> 969.080] And let's try ones that ask the brain to look for hits of excitement. +[969.080 --> 972.200] Try working on anything exciting these days. +[972.200 --> 974.280] Have any vacations coming up? +[974.280 --> 976.240] Anything good happened today. +[976.240 --> 980.760] I think this is the greatest gift we can give our fellow human beings. +[980.760 --> 984.520] We are asking them to flip into optimism. +[984.520 --> 990.040] We're triggering dopamine and excitement and getting them off autopilot. +[990.040 --> 993.400] The last way that we're contagious is emotionally. +[993.400 --> 995.640] So this study is one of my favorites. +[995.640 --> 1002.120] In this experiment, they asked students to sing the song, don't stop believing, into +[1002.120 --> 1003.320] an accuracy software. +[1003.320 --> 1005.640] Now, this is a very nerve-wracking experiment. +[1005.640 --> 1010.560] They're graded on vocal tone, words, and they're given no preparation. +[1010.560 --> 1012.920] But they did three different trials of this experiment. +[1012.920 --> 1017.280] First, they had them just walk into the room and sing into an accuracy software. +[1017.280 --> 1022.960] The second group got into the room and had to say, out loud, I'm nervous. +[1022.960 --> 1027.480] And the last group had to walk in the room and say, I'm excited. +[1027.480 --> 1034.920] They found that this simple reframe, the nervous group got 53% accuracy, the control group +[1034.920 --> 1041.440] got 69, but the I'm excited group got 80% accuracy. +[1041.440 --> 1042.440] Why? +[1042.440 --> 1046.160] Anxiety and excitement are very similar emotions. +[1046.160 --> 1049.360] The only difference is mindset. +[1049.360 --> 1054.640] My challenge for you today is to think about how you want to infect people. +[1054.640 --> 1059.640] When you want to harness excitement or trigger excitement, ask dopamine worthy conversation +[1059.640 --> 1066.040] starters, use more hand gestures, make authentic smiles, and never pick up the phone in a bad +[1066.040 --> 1067.200] mood. +[1067.200 --> 1071.440] Now, the last thing I want to do is I want to end on a note of excitement. +[1071.440 --> 1073.680] I want to make you really infectious. +[1073.680 --> 1077.720] So what we're going to do to end this talk is on the count of three, with all the energy +[1077.720 --> 1078.720] you can muster. +[1078.720 --> 1081.560] I want you to yell out, I'm excited. +[1081.560 --> 1082.560] Are you ready? +[1082.560 --> 1084.560] One, two, three. +[1084.560 --> 1086.800] I'm excited. +[1086.800 --> 1087.640] You rocked it. diff --git a/transcript/TED_fLaslONQAKM.txt b/transcript/TED_fLaslONQAKM.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..e39d259ad6cdaee277fc4cec14922f0d4f68be0e --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_fLaslONQAKM.txt @@ -0,0 +1,175 @@ +[0.000 --> 1.000] The +[1.000 --> 16.440] NONVERBELS is everything that communicates but is not a word. +[16.440 --> 22.440] This beautiful theater, it's communicating to us. +[22.440 --> 27.520] How you sit is communicating to us. +[27.520 --> 36.000] The things that you attach to yourself, a purse, a pen, a fancy car, all these things +[36.000 --> 38.280] are communicating. +[38.280 --> 43.280] How you look at others communicates. +[43.280 --> 49.840] And all day long we are communicating non-verbally. +[49.840 --> 52.280] All day long. +[52.280 --> 56.920] You can look in on your child as they sleep and you can tell if they're having a nightmare +[56.920 --> 60.520] or they're sleeping soundly. +[60.520 --> 68.680] As you sit there and now I'm starting to see some of you, you're giving information +[68.680 --> 73.560] up even as I'm giving information up. +[73.560 --> 77.000] You're assessing me. +[77.000 --> 84.640] If I can speak to you from an anthropological standpoint, I am transmitting information +[84.640 --> 95.960] about myself, my beliefs, the things that I value even as you are. +[95.960 --> 100.760] Now that I can see you a little clearer, how many of you were dressed by your parents +[100.760 --> 101.760] today? +[101.760 --> 103.760] Raise your hand. +[103.760 --> 106.240] Wow. +[106.240 --> 107.240] Spouses? +[107.240 --> 110.400] That's okay. +[110.400 --> 113.800] Your spouse is going to draw. +[113.800 --> 122.000] So you chose to dress the way you did, even as I chose to dress the way I did. +[122.000 --> 125.480] They said, well it's Ted Talks, you can dress down. +[125.480 --> 128.920] I said, you know, I was in the FBI for 25 years. +[128.920 --> 131.920] I don't know how else to dress. +[131.920 --> 133.720] It would be such a disappointment. +[133.720 --> 142.520] It's like on TV they always have suits even when they're walking through the marsh. +[142.520 --> 143.520] It's true. +[143.520 --> 150.020] I can't tell you how many crime scenes I went through that ruined, really inexpensive +[150.020 --> 151.020] suits. +[151.020 --> 154.240] But we look good. +[154.240 --> 162.520] We look good. +[162.520 --> 167.080] I guess humor is allowed. +[167.080 --> 172.000] All day long we're making choices. +[172.000 --> 173.000] We're making choices. +[173.000 --> 177.800] They're based on culture. +[177.800 --> 184.320] They're based on peer pressure on personal preferences. +[184.320 --> 188.680] And so the things we wear and attach to ourselves are transmitting. +[188.680 --> 192.320] Our bodies are transmitting information. +[193.320 --> 201.840] And the question that I'm often asked is, well, how authentic is it? +[201.840 --> 204.080] How authentic is it? +[204.080 --> 209.760] And as I pondered this, I said, you know what? +[209.760 --> 218.640] What do we think of the power of nonverbal communication? +[218.640 --> 226.920] So let's do it by taking the myths out of it and plugging in what really values. +[226.920 --> 232.240] What really is a value when it comes to nonverbals? +[232.240 --> 237.840] How many of you have had a bad handshake? +[237.840 --> 243.440] Now normally, of course, now we have the coronavirus. +[243.440 --> 249.400] I would have you turn to each other and give each other a handshake that's really bad. +[249.400 --> 250.400] But I'm not going to do that. +[250.400 --> 255.240] I want you to just put your hand in front of you and pretend to give someone a bad handshake. +[255.240 --> 256.240] Ready? +[256.240 --> 257.240] Let's do it. +[257.240 --> 259.240] Let's do it. +[259.240 --> 260.240] Do it. +[260.240 --> 261.240] Yeah. +[261.240 --> 262.240] Good. +[262.240 --> 267.240] Do you realize the funny faces you make? +[267.240 --> 271.920] It's like, I didn't ask you to make a funny face. +[271.920 --> 274.200] And yet you did. +[274.200 --> 276.760] Why is that? +[276.760 --> 287.200] Because you're human and humans betray what we feel, what we think, what we desire, what +[287.200 --> 294.800] we intend, what makes us anxious and what we fear. +[294.800 --> 297.240] And we do it in real time. +[297.240 --> 299.360] We don't have to wait 20 minutes. +[299.360 --> 303.160] It happens now. +[303.160 --> 309.780] In our body language, in a way, it's exquisite because there's an area of the brain that is +[309.780 --> 310.780] elegant. +[310.780 --> 315.080] And it's elegant because it takes shortcuts. +[315.080 --> 317.800] It doesn't think. +[317.800 --> 324.880] If I bring in a Bengal tiger here and walk it around, nobody sits around and waves at +[324.880 --> 325.880] it. +[325.880 --> 330.840] That's like, eat me. +[330.840 --> 332.560] No. +[332.560 --> 333.880] Everybody freezes. +[333.880 --> 337.400] And that's because of the limbic system. +[337.400 --> 342.920] This rather primitive area of the brain that reacts to the world doesn't have to think +[342.920 --> 344.800] about the world. +[344.800 --> 350.760] And everything that comes from the limbic brain is so authentic. +[350.760 --> 353.800] You hear a loud noise and you freeze. +[353.800 --> 354.800] Right? +[354.800 --> 358.520] What was that? +[358.520 --> 363.520] You get bad news or you see something on TV and you cover your mouth. +[363.520 --> 366.240] Why is that? +[366.240 --> 374.120] When the conquistadores arrived in the new world, they didn't have any problem finding out +[374.120 --> 377.760] who was in authority. +[377.760 --> 386.000] The same behaviors that they had just left in Queen Isabella's court, they saw in the +[386.000 --> 387.000] new world. +[387.000 --> 391.080] The king set higher had better clothing, had an entourage. +[391.080 --> 398.920] Okay, they didn't have their own show on television, but pretty close. +[398.920 --> 408.320] So all these behaviors are very authentic because the limbic system resides within that +[408.320 --> 409.320] human brain. +[409.320 --> 412.320] It's part of our paleo circuits. +[412.320 --> 420.960] And so when we see the furrowed forehead on a baby that's three weeks old, we know that +[420.960 --> 424.960] this little area called the globella, something is wrong. +[424.960 --> 428.200] There's an issue. +[428.200 --> 433.640] When we see the bunny nose, right, when you wrinkle the nose, yeah, we know what that means. +[433.640 --> 435.400] I don't like that. +[435.400 --> 436.400] I don't want that. +[436.400 --> 438.400] I don't want that. +[438.400 --> 440.840] Ew, right? +[440.840 --> 447.160] Did I just say that in public? +[447.160 --> 452.200] When we squint, we're focusing, but we have concerns. +[453.200 --> 458.880] When the eyelids close, you want me to do what? +[458.880 --> 467.040] And if things are really bad, you want me to talk for 15 minutes? +[467.040 --> 471.280] Here's what's interesting. +[471.280 --> 477.480] Children who are born blind, when they don't like things, they don't like. +[477.480 --> 478.720] Here's things they don't like. +[478.720 --> 480.520] They don't cover their ears. +[480.520 --> 481.520] They cover their eyes. +[481.520 --> 484.680] They've never seen. +[484.680 --> 491.800] This is millions of years old. +[491.800 --> 496.800] Smiles are important in our mouths. +[496.800 --> 502.800] The lips begin to disappear when we're stressed, right? +[502.800 --> 507.840] Most politicians look something like that. +[507.840 --> 511.640] Right before they're indicted, they look like that. +[511.640 --> 519.920] Dramatic lip pulls, jaw shifting, covering of the neck. +[519.920 --> 522.680] You've seen that clutching of the pearls? +[522.680 --> 524.960] I go, there's that creep. +[524.960 --> 525.880] Oh, he's gone now. +[525.880 --> 529.880] He's back. +[529.880 --> 533.520] But did you know why? +[533.520 --> 536.360] Large felines. +[536.360 --> 542.660] We have seen large felines for so long taking down prey that we immediately cover our +[542.660 --> 546.760] neck. +[546.760 --> 556.080] How many of you have been told that you can detect deception by the use of nonverbals? +[556.080 --> 559.920] I'm here to clear that up. +[559.920 --> 564.200] When you leave here today, you say, well, I heard that Navarro fellow. +[564.200 --> 572.600] When he did about 13,000 interviews in the FBI, he said there is no Pinocchio effect. +[572.600 --> 580.440] There's not one single behavior indicative of deception, not one. +[580.440 --> 582.960] And we mustn't propagate that. +[582.960 --> 588.760] We must not tell people that we can detect their lying because of behaviors. +[588.760 --> 595.280] They may be anxious, they may be stressed, but not deceptive. +[595.280 --> 599.600] How many of you have been told that if you cross your arms, that you're blocking people +[599.600 --> 600.600] away? +[600.600 --> 603.120] Have you heard that? +[603.120 --> 605.480] There's a clinical term for that. +[605.480 --> 607.560] It's called crap. +[607.560 --> 613.000] Yeah, I said it. +[613.000 --> 615.400] Get over it. +[615.400 --> 616.400] It's crap. +[616.400 --> 618.640] It's a self-hug. +[618.640 --> 619.640] You're comfortable? +[619.640 --> 620.640] Yeah. +[620.640 --> 626.400] What does this nonsense come from? +[626.400 --> 628.240] You know, I'm asked the question often. +[628.240 --> 632.400] So, you know, Joe, you were a spy catcher. +[632.400 --> 634.840] You use nonverbals every day. +[634.840 --> 644.440] What do you use it for to make sure people are comfortable, to make sure that we are empathetic. +[644.440 --> 651.920] The only way to be truly empathetic is by understanding nonverbals. +[651.920 --> 659.080] Carl Sagan, the famous cosmologist, said, who are we? +[659.080 --> 660.560] What are we? +[660.560 --> 662.920] You think about that. +[662.920 --> 667.800] It really takes a smart person to ask that question. +[667.800 --> 670.760] What are we in this universe? +[670.760 --> 673.600] He summed it up this way. +[673.600 --> 676.920] And I think it's rather exquisite. +[676.920 --> 679.080] He said, oh, we are. +[679.080 --> 685.520] Is the sum total of our influence on others. +[685.520 --> 686.680] That's all we are. +[686.680 --> 689.680] It's not how much you earn. +[689.680 --> 691.920] It's not how many cars you have. +[691.920 --> 694.720] It's our influence on each other. +[694.720 --> 704.480] And what's interesting is that the primary way that we influence each other through nonverbals, +[704.480 --> 712.520] it's that nice handshake, it's a pad on the shoulder, it's that touch of the hand. +[712.520 --> 722.320] It is that behavior that communicates love in a way that words simply can't do it. +[722.320 --> 726.800] When you leave here, you're going to have choices. +[726.800 --> 728.080] You always have choices. +[728.080 --> 732.640] You have free agency. +[732.640 --> 739.760] And one of the things that you should think about is, how do I change my nonverbals? +[739.760 --> 744.920] How do I become that person of influence? +[744.920 --> 752.300] Because if there's one thing we need in this world, it's truly to be more empathetic. +[752.300 --> 763.620] And so when I see this, it says it all, that's why we use nonverbals because they're powerful. +[763.620 --> 763.980] Thank you. diff --git a/transcript/TED_kKHSJHkPeLY.txt b/transcript/TED_kKHSJHkPeLY.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..27caaad41830221c4d9b9809bf1f24dffc29cdec --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_kKHSJHkPeLY.txt @@ -0,0 +1,70 @@ +[0.000 --> 9.560] I want to make an argument to you. +[9.560 --> 12.000] I want to make a case to you. +[12.000 --> 17.600] And the argument that I want to make is that the way that we currently think about, talk +[17.600 --> 23.760] about, and act on issues of racial bias and other lines of difference in this country +[23.760 --> 28.320] is woefully inadequate and it's incomplete. +[28.320 --> 35.320] And in making this case, I want to build on the very robust and compelling evidence that +[35.320 --> 41.320] has been coming out of the science community for the past ten plus years that suggests that +[41.320 --> 48.320] if we want to move to a radically different place, a radically better place on issues of race +[48.320 --> 53.320] and difference in this country, we can't really make a difference. +[53.320 --> 58.320] So what is implicit bias? +[58.320 --> 61.320] Oprah Winfrey has talked about it. +[61.320 --> 64.320] Malcolm Gladwell has written about it. +[64.320 --> 79.320] Normally we say when Oprah is talking about it and Malcolm is writing about it, everybody knows about it, which isn't always the case. +[79.320 --> 94.320] So a bias is a preference for or a prejudice against a person or group of people. +[94.320 --> 100.320] There are three characteristics that make a bias implicit. +[100.320 --> 108.320] Characteristic number one, implicit biases operate at the subconscious level outside of conscious awareness. +[108.320 --> 113.320] We don't know that we have them and they can't be accessed through introspection. +[113.320 --> 123.320] In other words, the science of implicit bias says that none of us can sit here in this room right now, scratch our heads and wonder out loud, +[123.320 --> 137.320] do I have a bias against men, against women, against black people, against white people, against immigrants, and expect to accurately answer that question because the nature of an implicit bias is such that we don't know that we have them. +[137.320 --> 155.320] Characteristic number two, implicit biases oftentimes run contrary to our conscious stated beliefs about who we are as human beings and what our values are. +[155.320 --> 168.320] In other words, the science of implicit bias says that you can be a school administrator and say that you are deeply committed to nurturing and building up young people. +[168.320 --> 177.320] And yet be the same school administrator who leads your school and high rates of suspensions and expulsions of young people. +[177.320 --> 188.320] In both of those things would be true. Consisting your deeply committed to building young people up. Unconsciously, you are doing harm in the process. +[188.320 --> 199.320] The science of implicit bias says that you can be a law enforcement officer deeply committed to the mantra that appears on a side of police vehicles that says what? +[199.320 --> 213.320] Protect and serve. And yet be the same law enforcement officer who leads your precinct or your district and high rates of stops and frisk of young men of color. +[213.320 --> 226.320] In both of those things would be true. Consisting your deeply committed to the principles of protecting and serving. Unconsciously, your behavior is inconsistent with that. +[226.320 --> 247.320] The third characteristic that makes a bias implicit is that implicit biases are triggered through rapid and automatic mental associations that we make between people ideas and objects in attitudes and stereotypes that we hold about those people ideas and objects. +[247.320 --> 258.320] So, in case in point, I want to do a quick exercise around the power of mental associations. So, in a minute, I'm going to flash a few words on the screen. +[258.320 --> 272.320] And what I want to ask you to do is I want you to quickly reflect on and or call out the associations that you make with those words or that you believe the broader society makes with those words. +[272.320 --> 286.320] And so, this requires a little bit of call and response. So, government. Corporate. Suburbs. +[286.320 --> 305.320] So, the science of implicit bias would say that those associations that you just made, those aren't mere verbal associations. +[305.320 --> 315.320] So, the science of implicit bias is that there are not mere mental associations. The science says that there are attitudes and behaviors that we attach to those associations. +[315.320 --> 325.320] So, imagine if it's part of my introduction, I came out here and I said, my name is Dasha, I want to talk with you about something innovative. +[325.320 --> 344.320] And here representing local government, I used to work in corporate America. I was born and raised in subsidized housing, but I now live in the suburbs of Alexandria, Virginia. +[344.320 --> 363.320] The science would suggest that for many of you, for those who said that your automatic mental association with government is corrupt, or your automatic mental association with corporate is greed, you would receive me through that filter. +[363.320 --> 372.320] Oftentimes, at the unconscious level, and it would color for you every single word that comes out of my mouth. +[372.320 --> 383.320] So, that's how implicit bias works. These rapid and automatic mental associations that shape and mold, behavior, every single day. +[383.320 --> 392.320] Oftentimes, in ways that we're not even aware of, oftentimes in ways that do harm to others. +[392.320 --> 409.320] So, there are three reasons. Three reasons why focusing on implicit bias at this particular moment in time is important, and why I believe that a focus on implicit bias can help move this country forward. +[409.320 --> 422.320] So, number one, an implicit bias focus gives us a much more expansive diagnosis of the challenges that we face in this country with respect to difference. What do I mean? +[422.320 --> 437.320] We know from the work of esteemed scholars, Madzuren Banagee, and Anthony Greenwald, that a significant amount of the harm being experienced and transmitted in this country with respect to racial bias and other lines of difference. +[437.320 --> 445.320] We know that a significant amount of that harm stems from implicit forms of bias in addition to explicit forms of bias. +[445.320 --> 454.320] Yet the majority of the tools that we use to address bias are designed to address explicit forms, not the implicit. +[454.320 --> 464.320] So, in essence, what we have in this country is a mismatch, a disconnect between how we diagnose challenges around difference and how we treat them. +[464.320 --> 473.320] An implicit bias approach gives us a much more expansive diagnosis and a much more expansive toolbox. +[473.320 --> 479.320] And my belief is that if we get the diagnosis right, we will get the treatment right. +[479.320 --> 484.320] If we continue to get the diagnosis wrong, we will get the treatment. +[484.320 --> 492.320] Number two, implicit bias is both predictive and it's preventive. +[492.320 --> 512.320] Predictive in a sense that a person can go to the website for project implicit, take any one of the online implicit association tests and receive a test result that can serve as a predictor of discriminatory behavior. +[512.320 --> 530.320] It's preventive in a sense that there are emerging and promising strategies coming out of the science community that suggests with internal motivation and habitual practice, we can do things to reduce our vulnerability to act on our biases. +[530.320 --> 533.320] And I believe that that is what the country needs right now. +[533.320 --> 540.320] We need a prevention approach around issues of bias and difference versus an emergency room response. +[540.320 --> 547.320] Right now we have an emergency room response. We wait for stuff to happen. Then we rush to the emergency room. +[547.320 --> 553.320] We need a prevention approach and implicit bias gives us that. +[553.320 --> 569.320] Lastly, in number three, implicit bias or an implicit bias approach helps to reduce the shame and the shaming that's associated with talking about and addressing issues of bias. +[569.320 --> 577.320] Often researcher Brunei Brown draws an interesting distinction between guilt and shame. +[577.320 --> 584.320] She says guilt says I made a mistake and I can do something about it. +[584.320 --> 596.320] Shame says I am a mistake. This is who I am. I'm a horrible human being. There's nothing I can do about it. I'm going to always be this way. +[597.320 --> 609.320] And what I want to submit to you is that my belief is that one of the biggest challenges that we have in this country and how we address issues of bias is that we engage in self-shaming. +[609.320 --> 616.320] And if we're honest, sometimes we intentionally and unintentionally shame others. +[616.320 --> 631.320] And my belief is that as long as we continue to do that, human beings would never feel the motivation that they need to do the self-change work or the broader societal change work that we need to do. +[631.320 --> 657.320] And implicit bias approach addresses this because it makes the central question not are you racist or not racist are you sexes are not sexes and implicit bias approach makes the central question how do we get our actions and behaviors how do we align our actions and behaviors with our consciously held egalitarian beliefs. +[657.320 --> 664.320] The release for those people who do hold egalitarian beliefs my belief is that many people do. +[664.320 --> 671.320] So that's why this work is important at this particular moment in time. And in closing I want to leave you with a quick idea. +[671.320 --> 686.320] The late child psychologist Yuri Bronfenbrenner once said that every child needs at least one adult in his or her life who is irrationally crazy about him or her. +[686.320 --> 690.320] Raising hand if you've had that at any point in your life. +[690.320 --> 693.320] And so you know what it feels like. +[693.320 --> 705.320] My belief is that not only does every child need that but every human being needs at least one of the human being in their life who is irrationally crazy about him or her. +[705.320 --> 714.320] And the only way that we're going to have that is if we do the internal change work that we need to do to make the external change work possible. +[714.320 --> 716.320] Thank you very much. diff --git a/transcript/TED_lvxJoUuG018.txt b/transcript/TED_lvxJoUuG018.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..e4ad0dd9176db0cce1bce734d6795bfa13d74767 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_lvxJoUuG018.txt @@ -0,0 +1,575 @@ +[0.000 --> 5.000] We're the left, we're the right, knock him out, knock him out, knock him out for the night. +[5.000 --> 13.000] One chance, knock him out, knock him out, knock him out for the night. +[19.000 --> 24.000] What if you could get exactly what you want in life +[24.000 --> 30.000] by reading and understanding the body language of murderers? +[32.000 --> 34.000] Stay with me. +[35.000 --> 37.000] Stay with me for a minute. +[38.000 --> 41.000] In my young 20s, I got a job at the federal government, +[42.000 --> 45.000] three-lettered agency and law enforcement. +[45.000 --> 47.000] My specialty was firearms trafficking. +[48.000 --> 52.000] How to tell when people are selling guns illegally to kids, +[52.000 --> 55.000] to give victims felons to bad people. +[56.000 --> 62.000] And when I was getting trained to spot this patterning of behavior, +[62.000 --> 66.000] how we learned was through decoding the body language of murderers. +[67.000 --> 71.000] And if you were told 22, 23, 24, 25-year-old version of me +[71.000 --> 74.000] that by decoding the body language of murderers, +[74.000 --> 77.000] one day I would be a better business owner, +[77.000 --> 81.000] better at negotiating, a better daughter, a better mother. +[81.000 --> 83.000] I would have said you were out of your mind. +[83.000 --> 86.000] I had no idea what I was learning at that time +[86.000 --> 89.000] through decoding the body language of murderers +[89.000 --> 93.000] how it would change my life in so many other lives. +[94.000 --> 97.000] So I worked at the World Trade Center in New York City for a while. +[98.000 --> 102.000] And going through a lifestyle where you're looking for the bad in people, +[102.000 --> 104.000] wears on your soul. +[104.000 --> 106.000] So I took a stand-up comedy class at night, +[107.000 --> 108.000] not because I thought it was funny, +[108.000 --> 110.000] because I wanted to have funny friends, +[110.000 --> 112.000] or at least people who thought they were funny. +[112.000 --> 115.000] And I remember I was going to a comedy show one night with this woman, +[115.000 --> 118.000] Andrea, and if you live in New York City, you know you probably don't own a car. +[118.000 --> 121.000] The only time you drive a car is where you have to rent a car to go someplace. +[121.000 --> 124.000] And we were going somewhere, we were doing some type of comedy gig. +[124.000 --> 127.000] I don't know if it was on Long Island or in Jersey somewhere. +[127.000 --> 129.000] And I was with this woman, Andrea, another comedian. +[129.000 --> 131.000] It was late at night. +[131.000 --> 134.000] And I rented the car, but it was pouring rain, it was dark out. +[134.000 --> 136.000] And I said to Andrea, you got to drive, dude, +[136.000 --> 138.000] because I have night blindness. +[138.000 --> 139.000] I can't see it at night. +[139.000 --> 141.000] I don't drive at night, especially in the rain. +[141.000 --> 143.000] And she's driving, and she's, well, can you tell me, +[143.000 --> 145.000] what do you mean you have night blindness? +[145.000 --> 147.000] I go, literally, can't see it at night. +[147.000 --> 148.000] I mean, I can see the street signs. +[148.000 --> 152.000] Like I can tell there's a sign ahead that either you have to take action +[152.000 --> 155.000] and seize an opportunity or avoid some type of pain or trouble. +[155.000 --> 157.000] I see that there's a sign. +[157.000 --> 159.000] I just can't read what it says. +[159.000 --> 163.000] And I thought to myself, what a great metaphor for life. +[163.000 --> 166.000] Have you ever had these moments where you could see something? +[166.000 --> 167.000] You see a sign ahead. +[167.000 --> 170.000] You just have a gut feeling about someone, not to trust them. +[170.000 --> 173.000] They seem so likable, but there's something inside that says +[173.000 --> 175.000] they're not telling me something. +[175.000 --> 176.000] They're not telling me something. +[176.000 --> 178.000] They're holding something back, but you can't see it clearly. +[178.000 --> 179.000] You just get that vibe. +[179.000 --> 182.000] You just feel this, you see the sign. +[182.000 --> 184.000] Have you ever had those moments? +[184.000 --> 186.000] So for me, this Andre, you know what she did? +[186.000 --> 187.000] She was trying on my glasses. +[187.000 --> 188.000] She handed them to me. +[188.000 --> 189.000] I could see. +[189.000 --> 190.000] I was like, oh my gosh, I could see. +[190.000 --> 192.000] Because when's the last time you had an eye exam? +[192.000 --> 193.000] I'm like, I don't know, six years old. +[193.000 --> 195.000] When the last time they do them in school. +[195.000 --> 198.000] If you don't wear glasses as a kid, you grew up to a bee in a doubt. +[198.000 --> 202.000] You don't go get eye exams because mom's not making the appointments anymore, right? +[202.000 --> 204.000] So I put the glasses on. +[204.000 --> 208.000] I could see and I thought, wow, this is what my training taught me +[208.000 --> 212.000] through decoding the body language and understanding the body language of murderers. +[212.000 --> 219.000] It gave me a pair of glasses, a lens to see the hidden messages behind all human beings. +[219.000 --> 221.000] And here's the deal. +[221.000 --> 223.000] I call it ESL. +[223.000 --> 228.000] Some people may tell you ESL is English as a second language. +[228.000 --> 232.000] But I say ESL is everyone's second language. +[232.000 --> 235.000] ESL, everyone's second language. +[235.000 --> 241.000] What are people saying to you without them realizing they're saying it to you? +[241.000 --> 246.000] In August, I was tapped to talk about this case. +[246.000 --> 248.000] I don't know if you followed this case. +[248.000 --> 251.000] I'm going to introduce this family to you in a second. +[251.000 --> 255.000] But my social media was lighting up like a Christmas tree. +[255.000 --> 257.000] I was getting text messages. +[257.000 --> 259.000] I was getting private messages on Facebook. +[259.000 --> 261.000] Everyone's like, Jean, you got to weigh in. +[261.000 --> 266.000] This pregnant woman and her two young daughters have gone missing. +[266.000 --> 270.000] And the husband is doing every interview possible. +[270.000 --> 271.000] He's all over the media. +[271.000 --> 273.000] His name is Chris Watts. +[273.000 --> 275.000] I go online just like you might do. +[275.000 --> 277.000] And I went to check it out. +[277.000 --> 279.000] I'm like, all right, well, what's the deal? +[279.000 --> 280.000] And I watch it. +[280.000 --> 281.000] And I watch it again. +[281.000 --> 282.000] And I watch it again. +[282.000 --> 284.000] And I watch it again. +[284.000 --> 286.000] Everything I can find on this Chris Watts. +[286.000 --> 288.000] And everything I can read about him. +[288.000 --> 290.000] People are attacking him. +[290.000 --> 291.000] He totally did it. +[291.000 --> 292.000] He must have killed them. +[292.000 --> 293.000] He's a bad guy. +[293.000 --> 294.000] And other people are like, I know this family. +[294.000 --> 296.000] I go to church with this family. +[296.000 --> 297.000] This is a good family. +[297.000 --> 298.000] He's a good man. +[298.000 --> 299.000] He's a good father. +[299.000 --> 301.000] Stop attacking Chris Watts. +[301.000 --> 302.000] Agreeving man. +[302.000 --> 303.000] Agreeving man. +[303.000 --> 305.000] And then I put this post. +[306.000 --> 310.000] See, my post talks about what I saw. +[310.000 --> 311.000] First, I apologize. +[311.000 --> 315.000] And I say, I'm praying for this pregnant woman in her two young daughters. +[315.000 --> 317.000] I'm praying that they are safe. +[317.000 --> 319.000] And there is no one way we all grieve. +[319.000 --> 323.000] There's no one way that we all deal with anxiety and stress when we're nervous. +[323.000 --> 326.000] It shows up completely different in all of us. +[326.000 --> 331.000] And with that being said, I said, I hope I am wrong in my following analysis. +[332.000 --> 340.000] Because my analysis is screaming this guy has done something really dangerous and really stupid. +[340.000 --> 342.000] I literally, I'm a prayer person. +[342.000 --> 347.000] It was the first time in my life I prayed that a pregnant woman was a battered woman. +[347.000 --> 349.000] And that maybe she was just a battered woman. +[349.000 --> 351.000] And she took off with the little ones. +[351.000 --> 354.000] And she's somewhere safe in a battered woman shelter. +[354.000 --> 357.000] If you would ever told me that I would pray that a pregnant woman would be a battered woman, +[357.000 --> 360.000] I would say there was no situation on earth that I would ever pray for that. +[360.000 --> 366.000] But here I was on that day in August 2018 praying that that was the best case scenario. +[366.000 --> 373.000] Because what I saw, due to coding the body language of murderers for over two decades, was not good. +[373.000 --> 374.000] Was not good. +[374.000 --> 378.000] Say I post a pictures of the suspicious behavior. +[378.000 --> 381.000] Right here you can see smiling. +[381.000 --> 383.000] You know what was missing from this guy? +[383.000 --> 384.000] Every interview he was doing? +[384.000 --> 386.000] Two emotions were missing. +[386.000 --> 388.000] Fear and sadness. +[389.000 --> 392.000] Never once in any of the interviews did he do. +[392.000 --> 394.000] Did we see sadness or fear? +[394.000 --> 395.000] Never. +[395.000 --> 396.000] We saw anger. +[396.000 --> 397.000] We saw disgust. +[397.000 --> 399.000] And we saw happiness. +[399.000 --> 403.000] And I put these pictures in social media on this day in August. +[403.000 --> 406.000] And I highlight the different emotions that I'm seeing. +[406.000 --> 409.000] And I'm talking about what I'm not seeing, which is I'm not seeing fear. +[409.000 --> 410.000] And I'm not seeing sadness. +[410.000 --> 417.000] And I'm seeing all suspicious behavior of someone who is keeping a major secret from us. +[417.000 --> 424.000] Less than six hours later, Chris Watts confesses to police that he killed his wife. +[424.000 --> 428.000] And later confesses that he killed his two young daughters. +[428.000 --> 429.000] I put on social media. +[429.000 --> 432.000] I hope this is a time that my analysis is wrong. +[432.000 --> 435.000] And sadly, it was not. +[435.000 --> 439.000] What are we missing with the people in our lives? +[439.000 --> 442.000] The secrets that people are hiding from us. +[442.000 --> 446.000] And how can it help us have more wins in work and in life and in love? +[446.000 --> 451.000] By understanding ESL, everyone's second language. +[451.000 --> 454.000] See, by understanding everyone's second language, I believe, and I know, +[454.000 --> 457.000] is a fact that you can have more wins in life. +[457.000 --> 459.000] You can have more wins in life. +[459.000 --> 462.000] ESL, E, I blocking. +[462.000 --> 465.000] We're going to talk about I blocking when someone's eyes close a little too long, +[465.000 --> 467.000] or they hide their eyes. +[467.000 --> 468.000] What did messages it sending? +[468.000 --> 470.000] S, shoulder shrugging. +[470.000 --> 472.000] What is a shoulder shrug? +[472.000 --> 474.000] What are they saying when you see someone shrug? +[474.000 --> 477.000] There is a definitive answer of what they're saying right now. +[477.000 --> 481.000] And is the number one best body language move that people are doing in our everyday lives, +[481.000 --> 483.000] professionally and personally that we miss. +[483.000 --> 485.000] Over and over and over. +[485.000 --> 487.000] And you wake up and you say, I'm blindsided. +[487.000 --> 489.000] How did I not see this happen? +[489.000 --> 493.000] You didn't see it happen because no one trained you in ESL. +[493.000 --> 495.000] Everyone's second language. +[495.000 --> 497.000] How many of you would like to kiss those? +[497.000 --> 498.000] I never saw it happen. +[498.000 --> 499.000] Those moments could buy. +[499.000 --> 501.000] And say, I saw it happening. +[501.000 --> 503.000] I knew what to do in those moments. +[503.000 --> 504.000] Yes? +[504.000 --> 506.000] Shoulder shrugging. +[506.000 --> 509.000] Last but not least is our lip locking. +[509.000 --> 512.000] Lip locking is when our lips disappear. +[512.000 --> 514.000] They are sending you a signal. +[514.000 --> 518.000] And I'm going to talk to you today and teach you what is the signal that people are sending. +[518.000 --> 521.000] See, just like my friend Andrea, that comedian gave me those glasses +[521.000 --> 523.000] and I could see everything clearly. +[523.000 --> 527.000] I brought the ESL glasses today to give each and every one of you. +[527.000 --> 529.000] How many want to walk out of here with the same lenses? +[529.000 --> 533.000] I trained the CIA and the FBI and Scotland, your police, a proctor and gammel. +[533.000 --> 534.000] You want the ESL glasses? +[534.000 --> 535.000] Say I do. +[535.000 --> 536.000] Then stand up. +[536.000 --> 539.000] You've got to take the oath. +[539.000 --> 540.000] Repeat after me. +[540.000 --> 548.000] I swear to use the ESL glasses for good, not for evil. +[548.000 --> 557.000] And for those people who are not listening because they were afraid of the talk title. +[557.000 --> 560.000] Let's give it to them anyway. +[560.000 --> 564.000] Everyone take a seat. +[564.000 --> 568.000] First, let's explore eye blocking. +[568.000 --> 573.000] Eye blocking is when our eyes close a little too long or when we're talking to you, we suddenly disappear. +[573.000 --> 577.000] If you pick your kid up off the bus and every time you go to the bus stop, +[577.000 --> 581.000] your kid's bus driver always has a hat in front of his head and it's front of his face. +[581.000 --> 583.000] And he's like, hey, hey, Mrs. Johnson. +[583.000 --> 585.000] Have you ever looked at you? +[585.000 --> 587.000] This is suspicious behavior. +[587.000 --> 590.000] This is not normal behavior. +[590.000 --> 592.000] This is what's called eye blocking. +[592.000 --> 593.000] Eye blocking. +[593.000 --> 594.000] We're going to explore. +[594.000 --> 595.000] You all do eye blocking. +[595.000 --> 598.000] We all do it and I'm going to talk about when do we do it? +[598.000 --> 599.000] Here's eye blocking. +[599.000 --> 600.000] I want you to think of your cell phone. +[600.000 --> 603.000] When you put your cell phone down, you don't use it for a while. +[603.000 --> 605.000] Often a screen saver will come up. +[605.000 --> 610.000] And if you have a program correctly, a screen saver with the passcode will come up. +[610.000 --> 614.000] In order to open up your phone, why do we have that screen saver with the passcode? +[614.000 --> 617.000] To protect our private stuff on our phone. +[617.000 --> 622.000] If someone happens to come by and grab it, a stranger, our friend, a significant other, +[622.000 --> 627.000] about to be ex-employee or ex-supervisor, someone that's going to see your phone +[627.000 --> 630.000] and you don't want them to see your private information. +[630.000 --> 633.000] Even if you have nothing to hide, it's no one's business. +[633.000 --> 635.000] This is what eye blocking is doing. +[635.000 --> 638.000] Eye blocking is saying, I don't want you to see what's happening here. +[638.000 --> 641.000] I don't want you to see what's happening in here. +[641.000 --> 643.000] And also eye blocking takes away the visuals. +[643.000 --> 645.000] Here's when we eye block. +[645.000 --> 648.000] Have you ever been like at an airport or a crowded space and you get a phone call? +[648.000 --> 650.000] So everyone's here. You're all in the slaughter-toy. +[650.000 --> 651.000] You get a phone call. +[651.000 --> 653.000] Do you take the phone call and look at everybody? +[653.000 --> 654.000] What do you do? +[654.000 --> 655.000] You go to a corner. +[655.000 --> 656.000] Right? Or you look down. +[656.000 --> 657.000] You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. +[657.000 --> 658.000] Some of you will get small. +[658.000 --> 659.000] Yeah, huh? +[659.000 --> 660.000] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. +[660.000 --> 661.000] I'm at a TEDx talk in New York. +[661.000 --> 662.000] Yeah, in New York. +[662.000 --> 663.000] Yeah, long island. +[663.000 --> 664.000] I don't even know how I got here. +[664.000 --> 665.000] It was wicked hard to get here. +[665.000 --> 666.000] Yeah. +[666.000 --> 667.000] Right? +[667.000 --> 668.000] You're a private space. +[668.000 --> 669.000] You go to a corner. You get small. +[669.000 --> 671.000] You take away the visuals. +[671.000 --> 673.000] If you continue to look at the people in front of you, +[673.000 --> 674.000] what happens on the phone call? +[674.000 --> 676.000] What does that person say? +[676.000 --> 677.000] Know what they say to you? +[677.000 --> 678.000] You're not listening to me. +[678.000 --> 679.000] Are you? +[679.000 --> 680.000] Right. +[680.000 --> 681.000] Hello. Are you distracted? Are you listening to me? +[681.000 --> 683.000] No, why? They're saying that? +[683.000 --> 686.000] Because they can tell you're being distracted by all the visual data +[686.000 --> 688.000] that's coming at you. +[688.000 --> 690.000] So your response to them is delayed. +[690.000 --> 693.000] See, when we're lying, we have the truth to remember. +[693.000 --> 695.000] And the lie to remember. +[695.000 --> 699.000] And what we want to do is remove some of the data coming at us +[699.000 --> 703.000] so we can remain on the path of deception and keep our secret from you. +[703.000 --> 705.000] Does this make sense? +[705.000 --> 707.000] So you can see this in weird ways. +[707.000 --> 709.000] I'm going to talk about Chris Watts here. +[709.000 --> 712.000] Next to Chris Watts, this is the man in Colorado who murdered his pregnant wife, +[712.000 --> 717.000] Shanan, and his two daughters, Celeste Embella, this August 18, 2018. +[717.000 --> 719.000] Then we see Scott Peterson. +[719.000 --> 722.000] Scott Peterson murdered his pregnant wife, Lacey Peterson. +[722.000 --> 724.000] Then you're going to see Ted Bundy. +[724.000 --> 728.000] Ted Bundy murdered. We know he confessed to 30 people in several states. +[728.000 --> 730.000] Probably way more than that. +[730.000 --> 731.000] And then Susan Smith. +[731.000 --> 733.000] Susan Smith, drowned her two kids. +[733.000 --> 734.000] Put him in a car seat. +[734.000 --> 737.000] They died by drowning when she drove the car into a lake, +[737.000 --> 740.000] but she told the media and the police what? +[740.000 --> 743.000] A black man came and took the car. +[743.000 --> 744.000] And her kids were in it. +[744.000 --> 748.000] Now, what was suspicious beyond this esoteric explanation? +[748.000 --> 750.000] She said, this black guy came and took the car. +[750.000 --> 752.000] I was worried that they would kill my kids. +[753.000 --> 755.000] Wait a minute. Was it a black man or several people? +[755.000 --> 757.000] It all of a sudden became a day? +[757.000 --> 759.000] Many things were screaming. +[759.000 --> 764.000] Susan Smith is lying, including her smiling when doing press conferences in the media. +[764.000 --> 767.000] So let's look at how long do they do eye-blonking? +[767.000 --> 769.000] Now, Chris Watts is only a second and a half. +[769.000 --> 774.000] And it may not seem long, but I want everyone right now to look at me and close your eyes, +[774.000 --> 776.000] and I'll tell you in a second and a half is over. +[776.000 --> 778.000] Ready? Close your eyes. +[778.000 --> 779.000] Open them. +[780.000 --> 785.000] Now, imagine, why won't you imagine talking with that kind of second and a half? +[785.000 --> 786.000] This little hiccup. +[786.000 --> 790.000] See, what happens is a guy named Spencer Kelly at Colgate University? +[790.000 --> 794.000] He wanted to find out if your body language sends a message to your brain. +[794.000 --> 799.000] So if I said to you, I'll have a peanut butter and jelly on my socks, please. +[799.000 --> 803.000] As you might imagine, your brain goes peanut butter and jelly on my socks. +[803.000 --> 804.000] What? +[804.000 --> 809.000] So imagine your brain waves like a heart monitor that creates what's called, I call it a brain hiccup, +[809.000 --> 812.000] but the professionals call it an N400. +[812.000 --> 814.000] Peanut butter and jelly on my socks? +[814.000 --> 819.000] Spencer Kelly at Colgate University wanted to find out if my body language doesn't match what I'm telling you, +[819.000 --> 822.000] does that person who's communicating with us pick up on it? +[822.000 --> 824.000] And the answer is yes. +[824.000 --> 827.000] But the difference is you're seeing that sign on the side of the highway. +[827.000 --> 830.000] You just need some ESL glasses to decode what it is. +[830.000 --> 834.000] But your brain picked up on it and knows there's an opportunity or a warning up ahead. +[834.000 --> 838.000] You just don't know the specifics, but you will after today. +[838.000 --> 839.000] So look at this. +[839.000 --> 842.000] Nine seconds we have with Ted Bundy. +[842.000 --> 851.000] Susan Smith spoke on national television and listened for 34 seconds with her eyes closed. +[851.000 --> 854.000] 34 seconds with her eyes closed. +[854.000 --> 855.000] Let's do a little experiment. +[855.000 --> 856.000] Let's do nine seconds. +[856.000 --> 859.000] So I want you to look at the person next to you behind you. +[859.000 --> 861.000] One of you will talk and one of you will listen. +[861.000 --> 862.000] Here's how this is going to work. +[862.000 --> 865.000] Decide who's going to talk. Whoever's going to talk, I want you to say I'll talk. +[865.000 --> 870.000] And I want you to talk about your favorite presentation today, your favorite TEDx talk. +[870.000 --> 873.000] For nine seconds, I'll tell you when you can open your eyes. +[873.000 --> 878.000] You're going to talk for nine seconds with your eyes closed, telling this person looking right at them. +[878.000 --> 881.000] And the person looking at the person speaking, just look at them. +[881.000 --> 887.000] And the point of feel how weird it is for someone to talk to you for nine seconds with their eyes closed. +[887.000 --> 888.000] Ready? +[888.000 --> 889.000] Decide who's going to talk. +[889.000 --> 890.000] Raise your hand if you're the talker. +[890.000 --> 891.000] So I can see where my talkers are. +[891.000 --> 892.000] Okay? +[892.000 --> 893.000] Look at your partner. +[893.000 --> 894.000] Ready? +[894.000 --> 895.000] Set. +[895.000 --> 904.000] Go. +[904.000 --> 905.000] Stop. +[905.000 --> 908.000] Raise your hand if that felt weird. +[908.000 --> 909.000] Right? +[909.000 --> 914.000] I want you to start noticing the first step on ESL is noticing these eye blocking. +[914.000 --> 917.000] Notice this eye blocking. +[917.000 --> 922.000] I want to say to my baby, +[922.000 --> 926.000] that your mama loves you so much. +[926.000 --> 937.000] The eye blocking is happening while she's talking about how much she loves her kids. +[937.000 --> 940.000] My son's Angus, Charlie and Jack. +[940.000 --> 942.000] Off to the left here, you see Jack. +[942.000 --> 944.000] He's my youngest and Charlie then Angus. +[944.000 --> 949.000] The little Charlie and Jack, when they were first little ones, Jack was a brand new baby and Charlie was one. +[949.000 --> 952.000] Angus came home from a baseball game in DC. +[952.000 --> 955.000] When Angus came home with my husband, I'm upstairs in the bedroom. +[955.000 --> 958.000] It's about 8.30 pm and I see Angus come up and I'm like, Angus! +[958.000 --> 963.000] And he goes, errr, and he eye blocks and he slams his bedroom door. +[963.000 --> 966.000] I don't know how you were raised, but am I family? +[966.000 --> 968.000] If we slamed the door growing up, my mother and father had a policy called, +[968.000 --> 970.000] I'll solve that problem policy. +[970.000 --> 971.000] Right? +[971.000 --> 975.000] The door would be off the hinges by the next morning and Dad's workshop. +[975.000 --> 978.000] But my Angela would tell you when you know better, you do better. +[978.000 --> 981.000] And I know better because I know Angus is eye blocking. +[981.000 --> 989.000] And I also know that anger is a secondary emotion to things like fear and sadness and anxiety. +[989.000 --> 993.000] So instead of me going in yelling to Angus's perceived anger, +[993.000 --> 997.000] because he looks angry, but I know there's more to the story here, +[997.000 --> 1000.000] because I speak ESL, everyone's second language. +[1000.000 --> 1003.000] And I went in and I rubbed his back, I go, what's going on? +[1003.000 --> 1007.000] And he goes, oh! And I go, listen, are you sad, scared, or angry? +[1007.000 --> 1010.000] And he burst out crying. +[1010.000 --> 1012.000] He burst out crying. +[1012.000 --> 1016.000] He goes, Mom, we were in the baseball game and I know you've been traveling a week +[1016.000 --> 1020.000] and you were home just for one night and tomorrow you got another trip. +[1020.000 --> 1025.000] And Charlie and Jack go to bed at 8 o'clock and I just wanted to see my brothers. +[1025.000 --> 1027.000] And Dad said I was trying to trick him. +[1027.000 --> 1030.000] And that if I left the game early, he would take my iPad, +[1030.000 --> 1034.000] because he thought I was tricking him and I just wanted to go home and play with my iPad. +[1034.000 --> 1037.000] Now this is a big deal because Angus has learning differences. +[1037.000 --> 1042.000] And every day he takes an hour and 15 minute bus ride to school, into DC. +[1042.000 --> 1045.000] So I looked at Angus and had you been there, you would have heard me. +[1045.000 --> 1048.000] I said, listen buddy, first thing from the boss in this household. +[1048.000 --> 1051.000] So don't worry about the iPad, you can totally use the iPad. +[1051.000 --> 1056.000] Second of all, I don't mind waking up Charlie and Jack, I can put him back to sleep. +[1056.000 --> 1061.000] See by me understanding ESL, everyone's second language, I created an amazing relationship +[1061.000 --> 1066.000] and a conversation with Angus that if I didn't understand, I would have went in and said, +[1066.000 --> 1067.000] hey, manners make the man. +[1067.000 --> 1070.000] You don't slam the door when I say hello, you say hello back. +[1070.000 --> 1074.000] I want you to imagine the outcomes, how they're completely different. +[1074.000 --> 1080.000] When you understand English, I mean everyone's second language, ESL. +[1080.000 --> 1083.000] Shoulder shrugging, shoulder shrugging is uncertainty. +[1083.000 --> 1088.000] Look at the person next to you and with the shrug saying, so glad you sat next to me. +[1088.000 --> 1092.000] So glad you sat next to me. +[1092.000 --> 1094.000] Shoulder shrugging, it's uncertain. +[1094.000 --> 1096.000] You got back from Arizona. +[1096.000 --> 1101.000] Did you wake up and say, you know, I'm sorry when she got in, but it was really quick. +[1101.000 --> 1107.000] Just because it was 2 a.m. in the morning, but I saw the kids in the monitor before I left. +[1107.000 --> 1112.000] I saw my wife and she came in, I saw her when she came in, it was really quick. +[1112.000 --> 1115.000] This tiny little shrug. +[1115.000 --> 1117.000] Let's watch this guy, Drew Peterson. +[1117.000 --> 1122.000] We were surprised when the body was exhumed and they changed the determination of death. +[1122.000 --> 1127.000] Very much surprised for sure, because for many years, my children and I, we've been believing +[1127.000 --> 1130.000] that she died in a household accident. +[1131.000 --> 1134.000] The number one mistell and body language is a shoulder shrug. +[1134.000 --> 1137.000] They're indicating there's something they're uncertain about. +[1137.000 --> 1139.000] There's something they're uncertain about. +[1139.000 --> 1144.000] Billy Zibi, one of my clients, came and took this training on reading and decoding +[1144.000 --> 1147.000] and understanding the body language of murderers and he went into a pitch meeting. +[1147.000 --> 1151.000] Flew from Las Vegas into Florida, had this big pitch he was going to do, +[1151.000 --> 1154.000] and he sat down and he said to the person that he was pitching, I'm curious. +[1154.000 --> 1156.000] You've had the same vendor for 25 years. +[1157.000 --> 1161.000] What is leading you to look for new pitch ideas and to partnering with the new vendor? +[1161.000 --> 1165.000] And when his potential client began to speak, he goes, well, we're just not happy with them anymore. +[1165.000 --> 1168.000] We're looking for a change and he begins shoulder shrugging. +[1168.000 --> 1171.000] Billy Zibi took him and his team and his presentation and walked out the door. +[1171.000 --> 1173.000] He said, we're not a fit for what you're looking for. +[1173.000 --> 1174.000] We wish you good luck. +[1174.000 --> 1176.000] His team's like, what are you doing, dude? +[1176.000 --> 1177.000] We're totally prepared. +[1177.000 --> 1178.000] You paid all this money to fly us in here. +[1178.000 --> 1181.000] He goes, oh yeah, they're just fishing for other people's ideas. +[1181.000 --> 1183.000] They're not going to go with another vendor. +[1183.000 --> 1185.000] Did you see all that uncertainty? +[1185.000 --> 1187.000] Guess what happened two months later? +[1187.000 --> 1189.000] They announced they stayed with their own vendor. +[1189.000 --> 1192.000] They were, in fact, looking for other people's ideas. +[1192.000 --> 1194.000] Other people's ideas. +[1194.000 --> 1195.000] Look at this guy. +[1195.000 --> 1199.000] He's going to shoulder shrug when he says, I want to thank the sport and all my fans. +[1199.000 --> 1200.000] And I want to thank my wife. +[1200.000 --> 1204.000] He's shoulder shrugs when he says, wife, why do you think he's shoulder shrugs with wife? +[1204.000 --> 1206.000] Oh, he's going to show you. +[1208.000 --> 1210.000] Thank you very much for this, for giving me this. +[1210.000 --> 1212.000] And I appreciate my fans also. +[1212.000 --> 1213.000] My wife and my girlfriend. +[1213.000 --> 1214.000] Yeah, I mean my wife. +[1214.000 --> 1215.000] Yeah, sorry to say. +[1215.000 --> 1216.000] I'm so sorry, my wife. +[1216.000 --> 1218.000] Please, I love you so much. +[1218.000 --> 1220.000] Thank you very much for this, for giving me this. +[1220.000 --> 1222.000] And I appreciate my fans also. +[1222.000 --> 1224.000] My wife and my girlfriend. +[1224.000 --> 1225.000] Yeah, I mean my wife. +[1225.000 --> 1226.000] Yeah. +[1226.000 --> 1235.000] Listen, I believe you can't unsee something, unheir something or unexperience something. +[1235.000 --> 1237.000] You can't unheir it, unseeing it, unexperience it. +[1237.000 --> 1238.000] You yourself when you shrugged. +[1238.000 --> 1240.000] Your body is telling you what you're doing. +[1240.000 --> 1241.000] You yourself when you shrugged. +[1241.000 --> 1244.000] Your body is telling you before your thought even kicks in. +[1244.000 --> 1246.000] Whoa, I'm uncertain about something. +[1246.000 --> 1247.000] What am I uncertain about? +[1247.000 --> 1248.000] I'd love to go in a date with you. +[1248.000 --> 1250.000] Ooh, look at what just happened there. +[1250.000 --> 1251.000] What's going on? +[1251.000 --> 1253.000] All right, there's something you're uncertain about. +[1253.000 --> 1254.000] There's something you're uncertain about. +[1254.000 --> 1256.000] Last but not least, lip locking. +[1256.000 --> 1259.000] When we don't like what we see or hear our lips disappear. +[1259.000 --> 1263.000] Pull your lips in and say to the person next to you, you smell amazing. +[1263.000 --> 1265.000] You smell amazing. +[1265.000 --> 1267.000] You smell amazing. +[1267.000 --> 1268.000] Repeat after me. +[1268.000 --> 1269.000] Repeat after me. +[1269.000 --> 1275.000] When we don't like what we see or hear our lips disappear. +[1275.000 --> 1280.000] Here we see Chris Watts. +[1280.000 --> 1282.000] His lips are going to disappear. +[1282.000 --> 1284.000] You can see this non-stop with him. +[1284.000 --> 1285.000] He's doing a tongue protrusion here. +[1285.000 --> 1288.000] This is another move we won't be talking about today. +[1288.000 --> 1293.000] But that is connected without a doubt to everyone's second language, ESL. +[1293.000 --> 1294.000] We see this with Jody Areas. +[1294.000 --> 1299.000] We see this with different murderers that have been on television. +[1299.000 --> 1300.000] And we've seen them. +[1300.000 --> 1303.000] As I begin to say my goodbyes, I want to introduce you to my mother. +[1303.000 --> 1305.000] My mother is my best friend on earth. +[1305.000 --> 1309.000] See, when my mom was first diagnosed with breast cancer, she was a pretty good sport about it. +[1309.000 --> 1311.000] She's a happy person all the time. +[1311.000 --> 1314.000] And I remember she called me one time and she was, hey, what do you mean? +[1314.000 --> 1317.000] If this breast cancer kills me, and I dying come back to earth, +[1317.000 --> 1322.000] I'm kind of back to earth as a swearing person, like you and your father. +[1322.000 --> 1323.000] I go, mom, you have cancer now. +[1323.000 --> 1324.000] You could totally start swearing. +[1324.000 --> 1325.000] She says it's not who I am. +[1325.000 --> 1326.000] It's just not who I am. +[1326.000 --> 1330.000] A next day I call my mother answered, but I thought it was my sister, Kaylene, +[1330.000 --> 1334.000] because whoever answered said, hey, what's going on, bitch? +[1334.000 --> 1335.000] I was like, Kaylene? +[1335.000 --> 1336.000] She goes, no, it's mom. +[1336.000 --> 1337.000] What's going on, bitch? +[1337.000 --> 1338.000] I go, what's going on? +[1338.000 --> 1339.000] What's going on with you? +[1339.000 --> 1341.000] She says, I'm trying out the swearing thing. +[1341.000 --> 1342.000] How do I sound? +[1342.000 --> 1345.000] I go, you sound fantastic. +[1345.000 --> 1348.000] Think of all the years you've been missing out on. +[1348.000 --> 1351.000] Two days later, I was like, hey, what's going on with you? +[1351.000 --> 1357.000] Two days later, mom who's in such good spirits comes to visit me in Alexandria, Virginia. +[1357.000 --> 1358.000] I go, how you doing? +[1358.000 --> 1360.000] She goes, fine. +[1360.000 --> 1361.000] I go, what's going on? +[1361.000 --> 1362.000] She's like, no, no. +[1362.000 --> 1364.000] And her lips begin to disappear. +[1364.000 --> 1367.000] I go, mom, you and I both know there's something you're not telling me. +[1367.000 --> 1368.000] What is it? +[1368.000 --> 1369.000] How'd you been there? +[1369.000 --> 1373.000] You had seen mom burst out crying. +[1373.000 --> 1374.000] Burst out crying? +[1374.000 --> 1378.000] She goes, listen, a year ago, my dentist told me I had something in my throat +[1378.000 --> 1379.000] and I had a PET scan done. +[1379.000 --> 1382.000] And the doctor never called me after so I thought it was good news. +[1382.000 --> 1387.000] But now that I have breast cancer, I had to go get that record from the PET scan from my throat. +[1387.000 --> 1395.000] And I picked it up three weeks ago, Janine, and it says that in my throat, I have cancerous cells. +[1395.000 --> 1398.000] So I have cancer, I think, through my whole body. +[1398.000 --> 1400.000] Not just my breast, but everywhere. +[1400.000 --> 1405.000] I think I could fight breast cancer, but I can't fight it if it's everywhere. +[1405.000 --> 1411.000] When you understand ESL, every one's second language, you can have amazing conversations with people. +[1411.000 --> 1413.000] And you can change their lives. +[1413.000 --> 1415.000] See, mom said, I don't want you bringing it up. +[1415.000 --> 1416.000] Don't bring this up to the doctor. +[1416.000 --> 1418.000] Do you understand me? +[1418.000 --> 1423.000] But I know hangers is secondary emotion to things like fear and sadness and anxiety. +[1423.000 --> 1425.000] I go, okay, mom, I won't say anything. +[1425.000 --> 1427.000] We went to the hospital to meet that surgeon. +[1427.000 --> 1428.000] I pulled the surgeon aside. +[1428.000 --> 1431.000] Hey, my mother thinks she has throat cancer because of this report. +[1431.000 --> 1432.000] Can you look into it? +[1432.000 --> 1434.000] He said, yeah, I'll look into it. +[1434.000 --> 1436.000] Sometimes we need to fight for people who can't fight for themselves. +[1436.000 --> 1438.000] What do you agree? +[1438.000 --> 1442.000] Listen, I would love to tell you what happened on the outcome of that report. +[1442.000 --> 1444.000] But instead, I thought, I'd let my mom tell you. +[1444.000 --> 1445.000] Do you like to meet my mom? +[1445.000 --> 1446.000] Yes! +[1446.000 --> 1449.000] Ladies and gentlemen, let my mom tell you what happened here. +[1452.000 --> 1456.000] Janine, when I went to visit her, just be married after my diagnosis. +[1456.000 --> 1462.000] I invited her to have some great, that I had more than one piece. +[1466.000 --> 1474.000] I had gone for a test in, when I came back, I said I had throat cancer. +[1474.000 --> 1476.000] I had gone to the dentist. +[1476.000 --> 1479.000] The dentist was just getting my teeth and it looked like something in my throat. +[1479.000 --> 1483.000] So I went to the throat doctor and everything, and he didn't say anything. +[1483.000 --> 1487.000] But I never got to be poor until just before I went into mass general. +[1487.000 --> 1491.000] So I did it before, it's 10 o'clock at night and I really didn't see this. +[1491.000 --> 1494.000] And I'm asked in the neck area. +[1494.000 --> 1498.000] And so I thought right away, now I have breast cancer. +[1499.000 --> 1502.000] But it has a test-assized. +[1503.000 --> 1505.000] Drill my little body. +[1505.000 --> 1509.000] So I broke down and told Janine she was away and it got stuck out of you. +[1509.000 --> 1513.000] And I remember Janine, I broke down and told me, told you, +[1513.000 --> 1515.000] but you blew it in to see the doctor. +[1515.000 --> 1520.000] So Janine got the doctor up on the side and asked the doctor to look at the stand. +[1520.000 --> 1527.000] And while I was being old, they came back and they told me that this breast cancer was originated as a breast. +[1527.000 --> 1530.000] That was the greatest gift I ever had. +[1530.000 --> 1533.000] I was carrying her with me. +[1533.000 --> 1536.000] It's a touch. +[1536.000 --> 1540.000] Because I'm carrying that here with me for a little more. +[1540.000 --> 1544.000] And I thank Janine for clarifying that. +[1544.000 --> 1547.000] That was the biggest gift I could have for me that day. +[1547.000 --> 1551.000] Because I left here, I knew I had still had breast cancer, but I left there. +[1551.000 --> 1553.000] So you know, okay, this is where I'm fighting. +[1553.000 --> 1555.000] This is not all over my body. +[1555.000 --> 1558.000] So thank you for that. +[1559.000 --> 1568.000] You now have ESL, everybody's second language. +[1568.000 --> 1570.000] And I challenge you to use it. +[1570.000 --> 1574.000] Use it to detect a section and to find truth and to protect your ideas. +[1574.000 --> 1580.000] And more importantly, use it to help somebody, to take a stand for someone who is full of fear, stress and anxiety, +[1580.000 --> 1583.000] but they're showing up as angry. +[1583.000 --> 1587.000] Use it to find out and uncover the secret that they're hiding. +[1587.000 --> 1589.000] Because here's the deal. +[1589.000 --> 1600.000] I believe when we take a stand for truth, all of us, we take a stand for truth, we can all have more wins in life, in love and in work. +[1600.000 --> 1605.000] Maybe just maybe these people in our lives are waiting for us. +[1605.000 --> 1610.000] They're depending on us to see and to code their body language so we can hear them. +[1610.000 --> 1616.000] So we can hear their pain, we can hear their fear, and we can hear their heartbreak. +[1616.000 --> 1619.000] My name is Janine Driver. +[1619.000 --> 1624.000] I challenge you to use your ESL, everybody's second language. +[1624.000 --> 1626.000] Thank you. +[1626.000 --> 1628.000] Thank you. +[1628.000 --> 1630.000] Thank you. +[1630.000 --> 1632.000] Thank you. diff --git a/transcript/TED_nvaPzA50eQA.txt b/transcript/TED_nvaPzA50eQA.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..f6f085694ba760e4bd330b154a462c45b669f6b6 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_nvaPzA50eQA.txt @@ -0,0 +1,119 @@ +[0.000 --> 18.240] What I was a, my brother was 10, we were in constant competition, always trying to outdo the +[18.240 --> 19.240] other. +[19.240 --> 23.080] We weren't competing because our parents wanted us to, but because we both wanted our parents +[23.080 --> 24.080] attention. +[24.080 --> 28.480] And so the constant need to be better than the other drove a wedge between us. +[28.480 --> 32.960] In the beginning, in the eyes of my parents, I was seen as the golden child, the one who +[32.960 --> 34.600] could do no wrong. +[34.600 --> 38.040] And consequently, my brother began to resent me for it. +[38.040 --> 42.360] On my end of things, because my brother was older and was more successful, I looked up +[42.360 --> 45.440] to him as any younger brother does their older sibling. +[45.440 --> 49.640] But I also wanted to be better than him, as near impossible as it would be because he's +[49.640 --> 51.520] two years older than me. +[51.520 --> 55.520] But the more I tried to outdo him, the more we began to lose our bond as brothers. +[55.520 --> 57.240] I didn't share my life with him. +[57.240 --> 61.080] I didn't talk to him about how I felt, but we constantly fought for our parents' attention +[61.080 --> 62.360] and love. +[62.360 --> 67.600] I felt sad to be distancing myself from my brother, but at that age, and well, even now, +[67.600 --> 72.000] I'm stubborn as ever, and I just didn't want to give up. +[72.000 --> 77.080] Nothing changed between us, and until my parents, not really understanding our troubled dynamic, +[77.080 --> 80.680] but merely thinking that we should learn to understand ourselves, signed us up for a +[80.680 --> 82.880] Shodakun karate class. +[82.880 --> 86.520] My first thoughts were, I get to punch my brother and not get it away with it and get +[86.520 --> 87.520] it away with it. +[87.520 --> 88.520] It's alright. +[88.520 --> 89.520] Count me in. +[89.520 --> 92.960] But when I started practicing with him, something unexpected happened. +[92.960 --> 98.120] As much as he made me angry at home and irritating me beyond belief, which is pretty normal +[98.120 --> 103.080] for brothers, when we fought and when we practiced together karate, I just couldn't be mad at +[103.080 --> 104.080] him. +[104.080 --> 108.200] At the time, I had no idea why, and I just brushed it off. +[108.200 --> 113.560] Each time, at the end of our fights, instead of just remembering how I had heard him, which, +[113.560 --> 116.360] as bad as it sounds now, saying it out loud, I really +[116.360 --> 121.120] wanted to like it, I really wanted to like hurting him, but I just couldn't. +[121.120 --> 123.880] Each time we fought, something amazing happened. +[123.880 --> 128.600] We began to understand each other better, and our bond grew stronger. +[128.600 --> 131.000] I began to develop empathy for him. +[131.000 --> 135.080] I started to understand how he had developed a feeling of inferiority because of his little +[135.080 --> 139.280] brother competing with him, and being better than him in some ways. +[139.280 --> 144.040] His little brother commanded attention from his parents, and didn't leave much for him. +[144.040 --> 147.840] I started to understand how I had heard him, and I believe he started to understand my +[147.840 --> 149.240] struggles too. +[149.240 --> 154.040] How I had to keep up with the expectations my parents had on me, even if that meant sometimes +[154.040 --> 157.400] making my brother seem worse than he was. +[157.400 --> 160.680] The more we fought, the closer we drew to one another. +[160.680 --> 164.680] I looked back on these experiences and asked myself, why was physical fighting the way +[164.680 --> 170.640] we resolved our troubles, what changed between us, and how did it mend our relationship? +[170.640 --> 175.160] It took some time to figure it out, but finally I realized the answer. +[175.160 --> 179.280] After having driven a wedge between myself and my brother, three years of not very friendly +[179.280 --> 184.680] competition, nonverbal communication allowed me to develop empathy for him through karate, +[184.680 --> 187.800] which ultimately paired our relationship. +[187.800 --> 193.320] It goes to show how important nonverbal communication is in building relationships and in bringing +[193.320 --> 199.040] people closer to one another, especially in situations where words can easily fail. +[199.040 --> 200.480] Let us understand what I went through. +[200.480 --> 202.320] I like to share what I've learned. +[202.320 --> 205.680] Nonverbal communication without words. +[205.680 --> 210.320] Through countless hours of punching, kicking, and fraternizing, without speaking a single +[210.320 --> 215.480] word directly to the other, I learned how to read my brother's nonverbal signs so well +[215.480 --> 217.560] that I drew closer to him. +[217.560 --> 222.080] And the words of John Navarro, a former FBI spy catcher who used nonverbal communication +[222.080 --> 223.800] every day of his career. +[223.800 --> 230.160] The only way to be truly empathetic is by understanding nonverbal cues. +[230.160 --> 232.160] Nonverbal communication is authentic. +[232.160 --> 234.080] You can't lie about it or make it up. +[234.080 --> 235.080] It's instinctual. +[235.080 --> 239.640] Now, I want you all to think about the most recent time you get something really spicy, +[239.640 --> 240.640] sour, just gross. +[240.640 --> 245.040] Now, I'm betting you made some pretty funny and interesting faces when you're eating +[245.040 --> 246.680] whatever you're eating. +[246.680 --> 249.200] That's what nonverbal communication is. +[249.200 --> 250.520] Something you just can't think. +[250.920 --> 254.080] It's your true reaction to something. +[254.080 --> 257.920] Not what you intentionally show or try to display to others. +[257.920 --> 262.440] According to a study by professor V. Daj Mahan, and M. Mahan Das in the Indian Journal +[262.440 --> 266.440] of Psychiatry, this is because of the limbic system, which is a rather primitive part +[266.440 --> 270.040] of your brain that controls our reactions to the worlds. +[270.040 --> 275.120] It regulates behaviors we need for survival, like feeding, reproduction, and it regulates +[275.120 --> 277.680] the fight or flight stress response. +[277.680 --> 282.160] According to Albert Mahan, a researcher of body language, this system of our brain +[282.160 --> 286.840] regulates what we unconsciously show others relating to our state of mind. +[286.840 --> 291.800] The gestures we make, our posture, looks, and facial expressions. +[291.800 --> 298.120] All of which we call nonverbal communication, which counts for 55% of all communication. +[298.120 --> 304.200] The remaining 38% is the tone and volume of our voices, and the last 7% represents +[304.200 --> 307.200] the words that we say, which we used to communicate. +[307.200 --> 312.520] It gives us perspective of how much more important our gestures, facial expression, body language, +[312.520 --> 318.520] and other nonverbal cues are compared to our spoken words, no matter the language. +[318.520 --> 322.400] Nonverbal communication is what makes a heartfelt and intimate moment, which would change our +[322.400 --> 329.680] perspective of the world, as opposed to a boring or mildly entertaining everyday conversation. +[329.680 --> 333.680] Nonverbal communication, when we pay attention to it, gives us a rough understanding of what +[333.680 --> 335.160] someone else is feeling. +[335.160 --> 339.000] For example, you could look at your baby and be able to immediately tell their sleeping +[339.000 --> 343.480] soundly or having a nightmare, or you could look over at your best friend and be able to +[343.480 --> 345.640] tell if they've had a rough day. +[345.640 --> 347.800] That's why nonverbals are so important. +[347.800 --> 351.000] They bring us together and allow us to show empathy. +[351.000 --> 354.200] That is what nonverbal communication does best. +[354.200 --> 359.400] And according to lorematics, from a clinical reviewer from Better Health Therapy Service, +[359.400 --> 363.160] nonverbal communication is all about bringing you closer to the person you're interacting +[363.160 --> 364.160] with. +[364.160 --> 368.720] Others by showing attentiveness with head nods in a smile, or showing compassion through +[368.720 --> 371.360] physical touch in your presence. +[371.360 --> 374.880] Nonverbal communication is a powerful tool that shows that you care. +[374.880 --> 378.920] Or like any other skill, we can improve on nonverbal communication skills, so instead +[378.920 --> 384.200] of doing it unintentionally, we would purpose into our nonverbal rules, thereby deepening +[384.200 --> 387.080] and developing our relationships. +[387.080 --> 391.240] After having a rocky relationship with my brother, nonverbal communication helped me deepen +[391.240 --> 396.040] my bond with him and allowed me to connect with him in a way we had never done before. +[396.040 --> 400.400] In the end, the deciding factor for what caused the chain between us was that I was finally +[400.400 --> 404.200] able to feel empathy for him through these nonverbals. +[404.200 --> 408.800] In your daily life, if you simply made a point to be more conscious of your nonverbals, +[408.800 --> 412.640] to be conscious of what signals you're sending out to others, you'll be able to understand +[412.640 --> 416.960] one another better, and you'll be able to build a stronger bond, simply by smiling +[416.960 --> 421.520] your friends more, or keeping eye contact with someone for a bit longer than usual. +[421.520 --> 424.400] These small gestures have power. +[424.400 --> 427.760] When you leave here, one of the things I hope you're thinking about is how do I change +[427.760 --> 428.760] my nonverbals? +[428.760 --> 432.600] How do I become someone that uses my nonverbals to help others? +[432.600 --> 436.680] Because if there's one thing we need in this world, now more than ever, it's to be more +[436.680 --> 437.680] empathetic. +[437.680 --> 438.200] Thank you. diff --git a/transcript/TED_q03U5Kfsxt0.txt b/transcript/TED_q03U5Kfsxt0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..ecaf3879646c584310fec89de360d0c7da63d64e --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_q03U5Kfsxt0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,168 @@ +[0.000 --> 17.600] What was the first language you learned in school? +[17.600 --> 21.400] And what was the first language you learned as a baby? +[21.400 --> 28.080] Maybe you think first of English, maybe German, Italian. +[28.080 --> 37.280] But how did you communicate before you were able to speak any of those languages? +[37.280 --> 43.880] Maybe you can remember the moment when your mother was holding you in her arms looking +[43.880 --> 50.640] at you and then she was just smiling at you and how did you communicate back? +[50.640 --> 57.640] It's like today when I'm smiling at you, intentively you're smiling back. +[58.640 --> 70.640] So the point is about communication before you even can communicate in one of your mother's times. +[70.640 --> 75.640] And this is the interesting thing. +[75.640 --> 83.640] How many days, hours, weeks did you invest in learning a language? +[83.640 --> 88.440] When you were at school maybe you went abroad. +[88.440 --> 91.240] And now you're perfect in different languages. +[91.240 --> 103.240] And on the other side, what amount of time did you invest in learning this other language, which is buddy language? +[103.240 --> 107.040] So maybe today is the time to reflect a bit about this. +[107.040 --> 111.440] And I think you can take out of this little talk three things. +[111.440 --> 115.040] First, what is buddy language? +[115.040 --> 122.640] Second, how can you train yourself to recognize the buddy language of another person? +[122.640 --> 128.640] And the third point, how can you use this for your personal leadership style? +[128.640 --> 135.440] Maybe you think right now what can someone who's working for the oldest global player to that topic? +[135.440 --> 138.840] So you should know one thing out of my personal history. +[138.840 --> 141.240] I lived for 15 years in the monastery. +[141.240 --> 144.840] It was the sturtionist that type like the Benedictines. +[144.840 --> 153.440] So we try at least not to talk so much during the day, lunchtime and dinner time is always in silence. +[153.440 --> 158.440] So we are a bit made in silence. +[158.440 --> 165.040] And the interesting thing is now, nevertheless you like to communicate with the other ones in the monastery. +[165.440 --> 173.840] And so you learn to look at them and try to understand what do they feel when they are walking, +[173.840 --> 177.240] standing, looking at you. +[177.240 --> 182.440] And this was my time where I learned a bit more about buddy language. +[182.440 --> 186.240] But why is it so important? +[186.240 --> 193.240] Maybe you had already the possibility to prepare an important speech in front of your classmates, +[193.240 --> 196.440] other students, in front of your employees. +[196.440 --> 202.440] And you were thinking hardly what should I talk about? +[202.440 --> 206.440] And you were reflecting about the content of your message. +[206.440 --> 211.040] But if you want to be a successful speaker, this is just 7%. +[211.040 --> 216.440] Much more important is voice and tonality. +[216.440 --> 218.640] How fast do you speak? +[218.640 --> 220.640] Is it loud? +[220.640 --> 224.240] What do you try to reduce your voice a bit? +[224.240 --> 228.440] And much more 55% is about buddy language. +[228.440 --> 240.040] And this is poster, gesture, and the most important, your eyes. +[240.040 --> 243.040] Maybe you have seen that picture already. +[243.040 --> 249.440] It was 2007 when the German Chancellor visited the Russian President in Zotse, +[249.440 --> 256.240] and he knew quite well that she has fear and she doesn't like dogs. +[256.240 --> 263.640] And in front of the journalists of the world, when they were still in the room by accident, +[263.640 --> 266.240] a huge dog was coming in. +[266.240 --> 269.440] And just look at her, her buddy language. +[269.440 --> 279.240] Look at her feet, her knees, the legs, the hands, the shoulder, and the face. +[280.240 --> 284.040] Years later, she said to this situation, +[284.040 --> 288.040] as a brave Chancellor, you have to deal with that dog. +[288.040 --> 295.040] So it's up to you to evolve your own style, +[295.040 --> 299.640] how you are able to understand your own body language. +[299.640 --> 303.640] This is such a typical situation. +[303.640 --> 307.640] Someone is walking at the campus of the university, +[308.240 --> 312.440] and she knows where to go to the next lecture. +[312.440 --> 316.040] And the other one, he's just interested in talking with her. +[316.040 --> 318.040] He's opening his arms. +[318.040 --> 321.440] It's a bit like a peacock, so to speak. +[321.440 --> 325.240] But she's not interested in she just is walking. +[325.240 --> 329.840] And now it comes to yourself and your personal situation, maybe in the office. +[329.840 --> 335.440] When you're sitting in the office and you hear someone in the morning coming, +[335.640 --> 339.840] or maybe fast, maybe silently, +[339.840 --> 343.440] you already can recognize what mood is this person. +[343.440 --> 347.640] Maybe you have already an idea of something happened in the morning. +[347.640 --> 352.640] So maybe it's a bit stressful right now, and I should go to him later on. +[352.640 --> 358.240] So the style of walking helps you already to understand what's going on. +[358.240 --> 363.040] And then maybe he's just passing by your office looking in and standing there, +[363.240 --> 367.440] and then just look how he stands or she doesn't matter. +[367.440 --> 373.240] Maybe a bit like this, or very self-confident, +[373.240 --> 377.640] or good morning. +[377.640 --> 382.240] Maybe just, I'm convinced, but you can do the job. +[382.240 --> 384.440] I have my hands in my pocket. +[384.440 --> 387.840] Or maybe it's an open good morning. +[387.840 --> 391.440] So the first thing is walking, then standing. +[391.440 --> 394.040] And the next thing is sitting. +[394.040 --> 398.040] Maybe you're passing the office of your boss, and he's sitting there like this. +[403.640 --> 409.240] It's very familiar, but when you look at the leg, +[409.240 --> 414.840] you can realize, no, this is my area, this red carpet is mine. +[414.840 --> 418.840] Don't enter into my area. +[418.840 --> 427.040] Whereas this is a bit more professional, but there's a little uncertainty. +[427.040 --> 430.840] I don't know how to react to you. +[430.840 --> 434.240] A bit more difficult as death one. +[434.240 --> 438.840] Oh yeah, maybe I'm friendly, but he is a clear barrier. +[438.840 --> 445.640] So you give already a clear signal to your employee or your colleague. +[445.640 --> 448.440] How do you feel when he's coming into the office? +[448.440 --> 450.440] But you can change your position. +[450.440 --> 452.640] You can be open-minded. +[452.640 --> 461.440] You can try to give him the possibility to talk with you in an open-minded situation. +[461.440 --> 467.040] Now that was walking, standing, sitting. +[467.040 --> 476.440] Now it's all about arms and your face. +[476.440 --> 480.440] This is quite a sign. +[480.440 --> 482.240] This is a hard situation. +[482.240 --> 483.840] What should I do right now? +[483.840 --> 486.840] I'm not sure. +[486.840 --> 491.840] Oh yes, I have to think about, but I can do it. +[491.840 --> 493.240] I think I can do it. +[493.240 --> 496.640] I have to give my brain a little massage. +[496.640 --> 501.640] That my little brain says can work better. +[502.640 --> 507.640] I don't want to talk about this now. +[507.640 --> 510.440] Let's think about it once again. +[510.440 --> 513.840] And always this, oh, what should I say next? +[513.840 --> 518.640] I lost my idea of what I want to present to you right now? +[518.640 --> 527.040] Or those who are wearing glasses, and I have the glasses on, +[527.040 --> 530.840] and I are just making, during the meeting, something like this. +[530.840 --> 533.440] I have to look on the topic once again. +[533.440 --> 534.640] I'm unsecured. +[534.640 --> 538.640] I don't know what to do. +[538.640 --> 546.040] So it helps you already to read the thoughts before they are set to someone else. +[546.040 --> 551.440] And now we are coming to the most important part of you of us all, +[551.440 --> 557.640] the face, the eyes, the mouth. +[557.640 --> 562.640] And if someone, as you are asking a question to your students, +[562.640 --> 567.640] and someone looks at you like this, you are not really sure. +[567.640 --> 570.240] Did she understand my question? +[570.240 --> 572.240] Did she believe me what I'm saying? +[572.240 --> 577.640] Or look at her hands, she tries to protect them under the table? +[577.640 --> 579.240] Or take just laughing? +[579.240 --> 585.640] You have those two different possibilities to laugh to somebody with your muscles? +[585.640 --> 586.840] That's quite obvious. +[586.840 --> 591.240] Is it really a love which comes from your heart? +[591.240 --> 594.840] Or you can use your wrinkles when you look in a laughing face, +[594.840 --> 597.440] and you see the wrinkles, I know many of us, we don't like those wrinkles, +[597.440 --> 603.240] but then you know it's a real type of laughing. +[603.240 --> 608.040] For some of us, we did something wrong, and someone reveals it, +[608.040 --> 609.640] and we're looking a bit like this. +[609.640 --> 612.440] Ooh, know it becomes obvious. +[612.440 --> 619.440] Why haven't I said it before to my colleague or my boss that I made a big mistake? +[619.440 --> 622.840] So this is no the important point for you. +[622.840 --> 627.640] We have seen all those different types of nonverbal communication, +[627.640 --> 633.440] of your body language, and it's up to you to bring you in a situation +[633.440 --> 637.440] where you can look from above like a little helicopter, +[637.440 --> 641.640] and you can look at yourself and the other persons. +[641.640 --> 645.440] And this is the wonderful thing when you're coming into the lecture hall +[645.440 --> 647.440] and you're looking at the faces of all your students, +[647.440 --> 655.240] you immediately can interpret what was happening the night before or in what mood are they right now. +[655.240 --> 659.240] And it's the same thing for you as a professional. +[659.240 --> 664.840] You're coming into the meeting room, and you have the possibility to react directly +[664.840 --> 669.640] on those nonverbal communication signs. +[669.640 --> 673.440] It was every colleague from Harvard University. +[673.440 --> 678.440] She said there are two questions we immediately try to answer +[678.440 --> 683.240] when someone news coming into the room. +[683.240 --> 689.040] Do I trust the person, and do I respect the person? +[689.040 --> 694.240] And those two questions will be answered immediately by you. +[694.240 --> 698.640] Do I trust him? Do I respect him? +[698.640 --> 703.240] And therefore, in the first seven seconds, when you're meeting a new person, +[703.240 --> 713.040] you decide already whether you respect or you trust, and maybe you trust the person. +[713.040 --> 718.240] And therefore, in business, it's so important to learn more about body language +[718.240 --> 724.440] because it helps you to guide your employees, your colleagues, +[724.440 --> 728.240] and also your boss in a better way, because it's like in a coaching situation +[728.240 --> 735.240] when someone is coming in, you can try to read already the faces or the face of the person. +[735.240 --> 741.840] And so you are always a few seconds ahead of the verbal argument what will come next. +[741.840 --> 747.840] And so it gives you the possibility, maybe through a certain openness, +[747.840 --> 751.240] which can be demonstrated also by your hands. +[751.240 --> 755.440] We're certain it's a peacock, no. +[755.440 --> 760.040] It's what we have to bargain a bit. +[760.040 --> 765.240] Or we are willing to find a good solution. +[765.240 --> 770.040] And the starting point to learn more about this is not tomorrow, it's today. +[770.040 --> 771.840] Just use the next break. +[771.840 --> 773.240] It's like learning a new language. +[773.240 --> 778.040] You have your language cards with the German and the Danish word on the other side. +[778.040 --> 781.640] And then you learn it at least seven times that you can remember the word. +[781.640 --> 783.840] And this is the same with body language. +[783.840 --> 788.840] So when you're outside later on, when you're looking to your person on your right to left, +[788.840 --> 796.040] try to understand how does he sit, what does he maybe feel, what does he think. +[796.040 --> 801.840] And step by step, you will be able when you're learning more about your own expression +[801.840 --> 807.640] in body language also to interpret the body language of other persons. +[807.640 --> 809.840] And this is my wish for you. +[809.840 --> 812.440] Start with this today. +[812.440 --> 813.440] Good luck. +[813.440 --> 815.440] And thank you very much for your attention. diff --git a/transcript/TED_rSQNi5sAwuc.txt b/transcript/TED_rSQNi5sAwuc.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..c73749a49fac883fc9dfef4114840d881546b2c3 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_rSQNi5sAwuc.txt @@ -0,0 +1,67 @@ +[0.000 --> 19.240] The Brain is an amazing and complex organ. And while many people are fascinated by the +[19.240 --> 22.680] brain, they can't really tell you that much about the properties about how the brain +[22.680 --> 28.040] works because we don't teach neuroscience in schools. And one of the reasons why is +[28.040 --> 33.680] that the equipment is so complex and so expensive, that it's really only done at major universities +[33.680 --> 38.360] and large institutions. And so in order to be able to access the brain, you really need +[38.360 --> 42.520] to dedicate your life and spend six and a half years as a graduate student, just become +[42.520 --> 47.040] a neuroscience, just get access to these tools. And that's a shame because one out of five +[47.040 --> 52.240] of us, that's 20% of the entire world will have a neurologist disorder. And there are zero +[52.240 --> 57.520] cures for these diseases. And so it seems that what we should be doing is sort of reaching +[57.520 --> 62.360] back earlier in the education process and sort of teaching students about neuroscience. +[62.360 --> 67.200] And so that in the future, they may be thinking about possibly becoming a brain scientist. +[67.200 --> 72.840] And so when I was a graduate student, my lab mate Tim Marzulo and myself decided that +[72.840 --> 77.040] what if we took this complex equipment that we have for studying the brain and made it +[77.040 --> 82.760] simple enough and affordable enough that anyone, you know, an amateur or a high school student +[82.760 --> 86.760] could learn and actually participate in the discovery of neuroscience. And so we did +[86.760 --> 91.760] just that. A few years ago, we started a company called Backyard Brains and we make DIY +[91.760 --> 97.080] neuroscience equipment. And I brought some here tonight and I want to do some demonstrations, +[97.080 --> 103.000] you guys want to see some. All right. All right. So I need a volunteer. So right before, +[103.000 --> 109.280] what is your name? All right. Sam, I'm going to record from your brain. Have you had +[109.280 --> 114.160] this before? Okay. I need you to stick out your arm for science. Roll up your sleeve a bit. +[114.160 --> 117.720] All right. And so what I'm going to do, I'm putting electrodes on your arm and you're +[117.720 --> 120.720] probably wondering, I just said I'm going to record from your brain. What am I doing with +[120.720 --> 126.360] your arm? Well, we, you have about 80 billion neurons inside your brain right now. There's +[126.360 --> 131.000] something electrical messages back and forth and chemical messages. But some of your neurons, +[131.000 --> 134.800] right here in your motor cortex are going to send messages down when you move your arm +[134.800 --> 138.600] like this. You're going to go down across your corpus close them down on your spinal cord +[138.600 --> 143.000] to your lower motor neuron out to your muscles here. And that is electrical discharge. It's +[143.000 --> 147.240] going to be picked up by these electrodes right here. And we're going to be able to listen +[147.240 --> 151.360] to exactly what your brain is going to be doing. So I'm going to turn this on for a second. +[151.360 --> 155.240] Have you ever heard what your brain sounds like? All right. Let's turn on. So go ahead. +[155.240 --> 160.760] I'm going to be going to squeeze your hand. All right. So what's your listening to? +[160.760 --> 165.480] So this is your motor units that are happening right here. Okay. So let's take a look at +[165.480 --> 172.280] it as well. So I'm going to stand over here. I'm going to open up our app here. So now +[172.280 --> 177.080] I want you to squeeze. Yeah. So right here, these are the motor units that are happening +[177.080 --> 180.640] from her spinal cord out to her muscle right here. And as she's doing it, you're seeing +[180.640 --> 184.200] the electrical activity is happening here. We're giving click here and try to see one of +[184.200 --> 188.040] them. So keep doing it really, really hard. Yes. And now we've paused in one motor +[188.040 --> 193.800] accidental that's happening right now inside of your brain. Okay. Do you guys want to +[193.800 --> 199.400] see some more? All right. That's interesting. But let's get it better. Okay. I need one more +[199.400 --> 207.240] volunteer. Okay. What is your name, sir? Miguel. Miguel. All right. You're going to stand +[207.240 --> 211.000] right here. So when you're moving your arm like this, your brain is sending a signal down +[211.000 --> 215.520] to your muscles right here. I want you to move your arm as well. All right. So your brain +[215.520 --> 220.840] is going to send a signal down to your muscles. And so it turns out that there is a nerve +[220.840 --> 224.840] that's right here that runs up here that innervages these three fingers. And it's close +[224.840 --> 230.040] enough to the skin that we might be able to stimulate that so that we can do is copy +[230.040 --> 234.880] your brain signal. It's going out to your hand and inject it into your hand so that your +[234.880 --> 239.200] hand will move when your brain tells your hand to move. And so in a sense, she will take +[239.200 --> 244.160] away your free will and you will no longer have any control over this hand. Okay. You +[244.160 --> 250.400] with me? All right. So I need to need to hook you up. All right. So I'm going to find +[250.400 --> 255.480] your ulmar nerve, which is probably right around here. You don't know what you're signing +[255.480 --> 260.120] up for when you come up. So I'm going to move away and I'm going to plug it into our human +[260.120 --> 268.240] to human interface over here. Okay. So Sam wants you to squeeze your hand again. All +[268.240 --> 273.240] right? Do it again. All right. Perfect. So now I'm going to hook you up over here so +[273.240 --> 276.160] that you get the stimulus. It's going to feel a little bit weird at first. This is going +[276.160 --> 282.280] to feel like a... You know, when you lose your free will and someone else becomes your +[282.280 --> 286.720] agent, it does feel a bit strange. So I want you to relax your hand. All right. And Sam, +[286.720 --> 289.120] you're with me. All right. So you're going to squeeze. I'm not going to turn on you. +[289.120 --> 293.760] So go ahead and give it a squeeze. All right. So now are you ready Miguel? +[294.400 --> 299.360] Ready as I'll ever be. Okay. So I've turned it on. So go ahead and turn your hand. Do you +[299.360 --> 306.400] feel that a little bit? No. Okay. Do it again. A little bit. Okay. So relax. No, do it again. +[306.400 --> 314.880] Okay. Oh, perfect. Perfect. All right. So relax. Do it again. All right. So now... All right. So +[314.880 --> 319.680] right now your brain is controlling your arm and it's also controlling his arm. So go ahead and +[319.680 --> 325.520] just do it one more time. All right. So that's perfect. So now what would happen if I took over my +[325.520 --> 335.440] control of your hand and so just relax your hand? What happens? Nothing. Why not? Because the brain +[335.440 --> 340.800] has to do is... Now you do it again. All right. It's perfect. All right. Well, thank you guys for +[340.800 --> 346.080] being such a good sport. This is what's happening all across the world. Electrophysiology. We're going +[346.080 --> 348.080] to be out in the Neural Revolution. Thank you. diff --git a/transcript/TED_rk_SMBIW1mg.txt b/transcript/TED_rk_SMBIW1mg.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..7e366716f2d377cd0edbcf98cfb66bb4c63013da --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_rk_SMBIW1mg.txt @@ -0,0 +1,189 @@ +[0.000 --> 13.440] So you've already decided whether you like me or not. +[13.440 --> 19.360] And you did that within a fraction of a second of seeing me. +[19.360 --> 25.520] You made that unconscious choice the moment I walked on. +[25.520 --> 31.600] You saw my behaviour, my body language, my nonverbal behaviour, my tone of voice as well +[31.600 --> 33.000] that you're hearing now. +[33.000 --> 37.800] And there's a part of your brain which if we take evolution as a given and we're going +[37.800 --> 42.260] to have to take evolution as a given during the whole of my speech because all of my work +[42.260 --> 48.240] relies on evolutionary psychology and behavioral evolutionary psychology and neural architecture +[48.240 --> 49.320] based on evolution. +[49.320 --> 56.720] So it's rather like if you play catching fairies with my daughter Stella you have to believe +[56.720 --> 62.200] in fairies or you have to put on a really good performance that you believe in fairies +[62.200 --> 64.360] because otherwise it's just no fun. +[64.360 --> 69.400] So taking evolution as a given there's a part of your brain it sits right on top of your +[69.400 --> 71.640] spine goes up inside of your head. +[71.640 --> 77.160] Some people call it the brain stem or the R complex or the reptilian brain or the primitive +[77.160 --> 85.920] brain and it makes snap judgments about everybody around it and everybody around you uses that +[85.920 --> 90.440] part of their brain to make snap judgments about you. +[90.440 --> 97.480] And based on behaviour it decides should we approach this person are they going to be +[97.480 --> 103.200] good for us or should we retreat because they're going to be a huge risk. +[103.200 --> 108.800] In fact if I open this idea out a little bit more there are simply four categories that +[108.800 --> 112.720] your primitive brain has for everybody else around it. +[112.720 --> 116.960] So as I walked on there were four potential categories for me. +[116.960 --> 123.640] I came on stage I start behaving and your primitive brain says is Mark giving us some +[123.640 --> 131.200] minimum specifications based on 500 million years of evolutionary data that he's possibly +[131.200 --> 132.760] a friend for us. +[132.760 --> 134.840] Is he going to supply to us? +[134.840 --> 141.320] Do we see some signals that give us that gut reaction that this is going to be good. +[141.320 --> 149.240] He's a good person and if you put me into that friend category you're now cherry picking +[149.240 --> 153.600] from all the data that I've got using your neocortex which is about 200 thousand years +[153.600 --> 159.520] old pretty new using that neocortex cherry picking all the data that fits your brain +[159.520 --> 164.320] so that stems theory and assumption about me being a friend. +[164.320 --> 170.080] Now I could come on and you might pick up some minimum specifications that Mark is an +[170.080 --> 172.080] enemy to me, a predator. +[172.080 --> 177.400] Now I'm not trying to do those but if they accidentally happened you'd then put me into +[177.400 --> 183.200] predicate category you do the retreat response instead of the approach response that you do +[183.200 --> 188.800] around the friend category and then you send a message all unconsciously all unconscious +[188.800 --> 196.520] choices to your neocortex gut saying go and get me all the data that proves Mark is +[196.520 --> 197.520] the enemy to me. +[197.520 --> 201.320] Of course the neocortex might go hey I don't really know this guy and he's not really +[201.320 --> 206.840] said very much that I can discern so far so I'll just make up a load of stuff about +[206.840 --> 207.840] him. +[207.840 --> 213.520] I'll just make up some stories and some narratives that makes him bad yeah equally so if +[213.520 --> 218.760] I come on and I trigger friend with your brain stem you equally if you can't find +[218.760 --> 223.240] any data that makes me friend you just make up a whole bunch of stories about me that +[223.240 --> 224.240] make me really good. +[224.240 --> 231.240] Now the third category I come on I behave and for some reason you think ah Mark potential +[231.240 --> 241.120] sexual partner for me. +[241.120 --> 247.800] So when I do this not usually that much laughter okay. +[247.800 --> 253.800] No look obviously I'm not trying to get into that category with you my wife's over there +[253.800 --> 259.240] traces over there her Tracy so you know not trying to get in that category but these things +[259.240 --> 261.600] can happen by accident. +[261.600 --> 267.400] For example your brain stem is looking for things like ah does Mark look a little bit like +[267.400 --> 268.400] me. +[269.400 --> 274.480] Does he look to be kind of like one of my tribe one of my group one of my gang one of +[274.480 --> 280.160] my company almost my family but not quite because you know genetic says that wouldn't +[280.160 --> 284.800] be very very useful for us it wouldn't play out well so is he like me. +[284.800 --> 287.000] Does his hair look good? +[287.000 --> 291.520] Does it look like it has good mineral content in it so it's got good color you're actually +[291.520 --> 295.240] stroking your hair as you're as I'm talking about this right you madam. +[295.240 --> 299.920] I can I can read people right from here yeah don't look coin out don't look like nothing +[299.920 --> 304.480] happening here Tracy nothing going on nothing going on. +[304.480 --> 305.720] Nothing going on. +[305.720 --> 310.480] So does it look like it has good mineral content in it and does it have a shine to it because +[310.480 --> 316.400] that would mean there's probably a good omega-3 fatty acid diet and therefore I come from +[316.400 --> 321.240] a land where there's good resource and I look a bit like you so if we were to mate and +[321.240 --> 326.840] there was offspring well they grow up with good genetic code and in a land where there's +[326.840 --> 331.080] opulence and food okay that's why we have those conditioner ads with the little flick +[331.080 --> 333.800] of the hair and all of that yeah. +[333.800 --> 339.920] Oh there's also with the things like the pick up guys called peacocking which is you know +[339.920 --> 350.280] where you've got you know beautiful colors that flash yeah again for me this is just style. +[350.280 --> 355.640] So if I come now here's the important bit here's the important bit because if I come on +[355.640 --> 361.480] and I don't trigger friend or enemy or potential sexual partner with you which for those I've +[361.480 --> 365.720] triggered that you might want to start an orderly queue just turn there sometimes it goes +[365.720 --> 370.880] round the whole block but that's okay if I haven't triggered those here's the important +[370.880 --> 379.880] thing for us here today you are now indifferent to me and here's what you're hearing and +[379.880 --> 386.440] your mind is often imagining the potential enemies or friends or sexual partners now there +[386.440 --> 392.280] are seven billion people on the planet right now what do you think is the default category +[392.280 --> 400.440] for anybody knew that you meet on this earth indifferent absolutely you are pre-programmed +[400.440 --> 408.440] to be indifferent to the seven billion people on this planet right now and here's my problem +[408.440 --> 414.120] I don't know I don't many of you out here to I mean the majority there's there's Traixing +[414.120 --> 419.400] Jennifer over there and that's always good yeah but the rest of you that they're my friends +[419.400 --> 425.720] and family but the rest of you I don't know you don't know me which means you're designed +[425.720 --> 432.440] to be indifferent to me right now and I have a really important message for you today +[433.400 --> 440.120] but evolutionary psychology says and behavioral psychology says that you're just not going to pay +[440.120 --> 447.800] attention to me unless I can get in the category of friend with you and so that's what I've been doing +[448.520 --> 455.560] all the time I've been on here so far I've been giving you the signals to your primitive brain +[455.560 --> 461.880] that will trigger you to cause me to go into friend category with you and cherry pick +[462.520 --> 468.760] from all the language that I've given you only the stuff that is good and if you couldn't find +[468.760 --> 475.160] anything good you've been making it up in your head so I just want to let you into the secret +[475.160 --> 479.160] because I want you to be able to do this you know with your friends and family and +[479.160 --> 484.200] help work and wherever you want to do this kind of thing I think should be free to all so here's +[484.200 --> 489.320] what I've been doing look you know all this stuff this stuff's easy the smile okay smile it's +[489.320 --> 494.280] a universal signal across the planet okay it's the same whatever whatever place you come from +[494.280 --> 498.200] whoever you were born to whether you were born at the top of the mountain or down by a lake +[498.200 --> 502.680] doesn't matter your country doesn't matter who your parents were everybody smiles the same the +[502.680 --> 511.640] muscles here tighten to pull up the sides of the lips but that's not enough friend enemy or +[511.640 --> 518.600] potential sexual partner for those of you at the back who are distanced from me you're +[518.600 --> 524.520] indifferent to me right now but these people down the front in close proximity almost certainly +[524.520 --> 531.160] in personal space or social space here yeah you are getting triggered with the minimum specifications +[531.160 --> 538.280] for a predator which is not the full signal yeah half signal insufficient data when insufficient +[538.280 --> 543.800] data your primitive brain defaults to negatives I can't do a half smile yeah I can't do a +[543.800 --> 551.480] t-th smile either that's get out of my territory yeah I bite so I need to narrow the eyes here which +[551.480 --> 557.560] will cause wrinkles to happen here I can't flash this signal to you either I can't just go like that +[559.720 --> 566.120] we know that the smile must build over three seconds and it must sustain for about three seconds +[566.120 --> 571.000] otherwise it's insufficient data and your primitive brain goes ah predator it doesn't get the +[571.000 --> 576.200] full signal better be safe than sorry the fighting flight system would rather judge me as a predator +[576.200 --> 583.400] when I'm not and behave as if I'm a predator just to be safe so if I can sustain this and build this +[583.400 --> 589.160] over about three seconds narrow those eyes and get that smile and get eye contact with some people +[590.120 --> 598.520] they'll smile back at me yeah there we go good that's good now what I add to this is called the +[598.520 --> 606.520] eyebrow flash okay the eyebrows flash up in fact sometimes I sustain it for a long time yeah +[607.400 --> 612.520] and this is a universal signal fault I recognize you I know you're my friend you're a friend of +[612.520 --> 617.000] the family you could do this walking down the street you'll walk down a street like this and you go +[619.640 --> 624.920] and literally it triggers their primitive brain and they're like oh hey hey good to me yeah when +[624.920 --> 629.640] was it we last yeah no it was last week wasn't it and yeah how are the kids and and after about +[629.640 --> 633.640] five minutes they're like so where do I know you from you like you don't bye bye +[635.400 --> 640.360] well off you go fantastic you can try this here's the really important one here's the really +[640.360 --> 647.720] important one is I show you no tools no weapons empty hands it's a universal signal okay for I come +[647.800 --> 652.520] unarmed we're dissatisfied if Darwin was right we descendant from ground-welling mammals as the +[652.520 --> 660.280] forests of Africa receded during climate change yeah the plains started to open up the ground-welling +[660.280 --> 665.000] mammal decided I will stand upright didn't do it in a few hours obviously took hundreds and +[665.000 --> 671.640] thousands of years stood upright when it stood upright great it had control of the hands now +[671.640 --> 676.440] that's really useful I can be tactile I can manipulate the world around me but also now +[677.160 --> 682.120] my belly area with lots of soft delicate organs in is not protected by the ground that means +[682.120 --> 688.680] under stress I better protect that and if I'm not under stress if I'm not a predator and you're +[688.680 --> 695.560] not a predator then I display this area to you with no tools no weapons I call this area the truth +[695.560 --> 702.840] plane because this is where you'll get stimulated and triggered at an unconscious level to choose me +[703.720 --> 711.800] as being honest and truthful and good to be around and if I smile with that as well and raise my +[711.800 --> 719.640] eyebrows you all go mark could read the telephone directory to us because you cherry pick the numbers +[719.640 --> 727.640] that you were thought were great in it now at this point what people usually start to think is +[728.440 --> 738.840] actually mark I'm getting a little bit disappointed now yeah because you kind of manipulating us +[739.480 --> 755.080] aren't you yeah and yeah I absolutely am and you say mark why can't you be honest yeah why can't +[755.080 --> 762.840] you just be truthful why can't you just be authentic with us you know mark you've got some great +[762.840 --> 770.200] ideas just deliver them how you like build it and they will come well I'm telling you they are not +[770.200 --> 779.720] going to show up they're going to watch breaking bad yeah it's the final episode on Sunday it's a good +[779.720 --> 793.160] show it's a great show yeah and here's the thing if I was really authentic with you right now +[793.160 --> 802.600] and didn't use the behaviors that I've learnt and become highly skilled in in order to become a +[802.600 --> 808.040] good speaker around you if I don't use my countermeasures to the fight and flight system +[808.600 --> 814.920] as I'm I've decided not to do now you'll see I'm not a good speaker I'm just highly skilled in +[814.920 --> 823.000] technique in fact if if I were to be honest about this and authentic with you and by authentic I mean +[824.280 --> 830.040] that for me authenticity is you know what's good for you you know what's bad for you and you will +[830.040 --> 836.520] do what's good for you and right and feels right for you at an instinctual level regardless +[836.520 --> 843.160] because you want to be you you want to be you regardless of the prizes or punishments out there okay +[843.880 --> 850.600] if I was being truly authentic with you I would not show up for this I'm not joking that's +[850.600 --> 855.320] that's a reality I wake up in I do this professionally by the way so I've already done one of these +[855.320 --> 860.280] this morning for an hour and a half over in Niagara they put me on after Chris had field +[861.000 --> 871.400] he's a Canadian Space Man National Hero thanks for your programming I wake up in the morning +[871.400 --> 879.240] and I go the last thing I want to do at an instinctual gut level is to stand in front of a bunch +[879.240 --> 888.040] of people who I don't know who I have no data around because I can't see them and and put out +[888.040 --> 895.400] there my life's work in front of them for for them to criticize if they want to that's not what +[895.400 --> 901.480] I want to do and when I start to get that feeling if you really want to see the authentic me the +[901.480 --> 908.040] real me because build it and they will come when I start to get the feeling that you don't respect +[909.400 --> 917.720] the pat has anybody here has anybody here written free books on body language and behavior +[917.720 --> 930.680] I'll just answer for you no so that you should judge me at all is stupidity on your part +[932.280 --> 940.360] this is the authentic me this is what I really feel and here's the reality your safe here because +[940.360 --> 950.200] you've got this stuff in front of you but if I came up close and showed you the real signals +[950.840 --> 957.080] of predator which are the real signals I want to display in front of this kind of large crowd +[958.360 --> 963.960] I guarantee you don't like me so much now do you so +[971.320 --> 977.320] so +[978.280 --> 979.560] this stuff works so well +[982.200 --> 989.880] so I choose my behaviors around you and I'm going to tell you again because what's coming up for me +[989.880 --> 998.280] is a really important message for you and if I act authentically honestly in front of you +[998.760 --> 1004.840] you're not going to listen to me and I hope you listen to this because it's really important +[1005.800 --> 1010.520] I want you to have a look around you right now that is in a piece of rhetoric I mean actually look +[1010.520 --> 1016.680] around you right now and and look at the back because there's lots of people here okay there's a +[1016.680 --> 1021.960] lot of you there's about a thousand of you here today understand this +[1022.120 --> 1030.840] yes you're designed to be indifferent to each other you're designed today to really just hang out +[1030.840 --> 1035.960] with the people that you came with you're spot a few others who I like you you're tribal members +[1036.680 --> 1043.720] yeah oh pretty yeah nice yeah great isn't it yeah but you've seen some people already today +[1043.720 --> 1048.120] and they triggered predator in you enemy and more important you know who they are +[1048.840 --> 1059.160] yeah and you've also met some people today the majority here and you don't know who they are +[1059.720 --> 1066.040] you're indifferent to them and you're never going to meet them and you've got a brilliant +[1066.920 --> 1074.280] life-changing idea for you your family your your town your city your world your universe and +[1074.280 --> 1079.480] beyond that if you've got an intelligence way beyond mine which undoubtedly together you certainly +[1079.480 --> 1090.600] all have I can't believe I said that you've got some brilliant ideas and they've got some brilliant +[1090.600 --> 1099.720] ideas but you're designed to be indifferent to each other so I'm asking you today I'm challenging +[1099.720 --> 1108.760] you and in fact I'm just going to beg you okay just going to beg you I need you to be more +[1108.760 --> 1117.320] inauthentic with each other today not just today tomorrow the day after and for the rest of your +[1117.320 --> 1126.680] life because if you don't choose behaviors beyond your natural instincts for what you like and +[1126.680 --> 1133.880] don't like you will miss brilliant opportunities in your life and if you don't go up to somebody +[1133.880 --> 1139.640] today who you know at a gut level you're indifferent to they hold nothing for you your instinct you've +[1139.640 --> 1146.360] smelt it you've tasted it you've seen it you've heard it you know they are nobody if you don't go +[1146.360 --> 1157.720] up to them today and act and perform like their friend and ask them about their big idea and act +[1157.720 --> 1165.640] and perform like you're listening you will miss something that is going to change your life +[1167.160 --> 1175.640] so I'm begging you to act anything else but indifferent to the people around you today +[1177.320 --> 1187.880] if I believe we could all be a little more inauthentic with each other now and again we might find +[1188.840 --> 1199.400] that we are so much more than what we think we are we might find that we are so much more than we +[1199.400 --> 1213.960] actually are because I truly believe it isn't your innate ideas or abilities or behaviors or skills +[1213.960 --> 1226.440] or position that defines or has to define who you really are it can be the conscious choices +[1226.440 --> 1237.240] that you make in spite of all of that diff --git a/transcript/TED_tBhUbHQxeQ0.txt b/transcript/TED_tBhUbHQxeQ0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..4a58df4042287201c1994de207d491d8e186baed --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_tBhUbHQxeQ0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,134 @@ +[0.000 --> 19.360] Do you believe in Santa? Do you remember when you were a little kid and you were waiting +[19.360 --> 25.080] for him to deliver the presents through the chimney? I have always loved superheroes. +[25.080 --> 30.000] When I was five years old, I wanted to have a Superman costume, so I wrote a letter to +[30.000 --> 37.200] the three wise men which are like the Spanish version of Santa. I used to live in a tall +[37.200 --> 41.880] building on the eighth floor and my mom was worried that I would actually believe that I +[41.880 --> 48.200] was Superman and I would jump out of the window. So she must have sent a different letter. +[48.200 --> 53.360] That day I woke up in excitement. The three wise men came, they came, I announced, running +[53.360 --> 59.800] around the house. My parents and my sister got up and then I went straight to the living room +[59.800 --> 66.400] to find my Superman costume. Only to find something else instead. It was the costume of El +[66.400 --> 70.840] Thorough. Do you remember that movie from Antonio Van der Rasse? The guy with a black mask +[70.840 --> 80.640] and a black cape? Wow, it is so cool my parents said. And look, it comes with a sword. I +[80.640 --> 87.640] had a big gun, a subbing. I had plenty of toys that Christmas, but not the very thing I +[87.640 --> 95.600] wanted. I was so disappointed that many days later something magical happened. Very +[95.600 --> 105.120] twice on the bed. I picked it up. Yes, I remember the smell of the fabric. I tried it on +[105.200 --> 113.360] and it fit me perfectly. I never took it off. I even jumped to the swimming pool in summer +[113.360 --> 122.520] time. But perhaps, by the way, I had her back then. But perhaps my mom had grounds to be worried +[122.520 --> 130.520] after all. Because many years later I ended up in a psychiatric institution believing that +[130.520 --> 139.000] I had superpowers. How did I get there? For a decade I was doing what everybody does. +[139.000 --> 143.800] Racing three kids, pushing hard behind my desk in my banking job. I was at the top of my +[143.800 --> 150.080] game. But eventually I found myself under financial pressure. My marriage wasn't going well. +[150.080 --> 156.120] A coworker was fired. And I tried to deal with everything. I had to deal with the workload +[156.120 --> 162.880] of two people. So I did two all nighters in one week. Have you ever done that? I wasn't +[162.880 --> 171.040] aware of the dangers of sleep deprivation. My mind was like a formula one engine operating +[171.040 --> 178.680] at too many revolutions per minute about to explode. Somehow, instead of feeling worried, +[178.680 --> 185.200] I felt better than ever. There was this weird sense of connectedness as if the whole universe +[185.200 --> 192.080] was conspiring to make my dreams come true. I see the light. I told my family. And they +[192.080 --> 200.080] got worried. They took me to the hospital. In the emergency room, I tried to convince +[200.080 --> 206.320] a nurse that she had the power to change the whole medical system in the United States. +[206.320 --> 211.680] And she looked at me like thinking, hey, I'm just trying to pay the bills. That's what +[211.680 --> 217.400] landed me in the hospital the first time. Ten days later, I left with a diagnosis. +[217.400 --> 226.520] Bipolar disorder type one. Up until then, I had no idea about bipolar. It turns out that +[226.520 --> 233.000] between two and three percent of adult population is bipolar. And up to eight percent might +[233.000 --> 240.400] be on the spectrum and diagnosed. Think of all the friends and family members. Consider +[240.400 --> 246.920] how many lives are touched by bipolar. You can see a metaphor with my shoes, which is +[246.920 --> 253.200] the extremes, but it's not only the extremes. There's a lot of things in between. +[253.200 --> 260.080] Being bipolar is alternating between mania, hypomania, and depression. These episodes can +[260.080 --> 267.720] last days, weeks, even years in the case of depression. Mania is like a dangerous euphoria. +[267.720 --> 274.400] Hypomania is a man from of mania. And bipolar comes in different forms. Some people are +[274.400 --> 281.400] bipolar one, like me. So it's mania, depression, and everything in between. Others are bipolar +[281.400 --> 290.720] too. They don't experience manic episodes. There's people that are psychothermic, which +[290.720 --> 296.720] have moods that are not so extreme. Others experience mixed episodes combining symptoms +[296.720 --> 302.560] of utmania and depression at the same time. And others go through a roller coaster called +[302.560 --> 309.480] rapid cycling, jumping from one extreme to the next throughout the same day. +[309.480 --> 314.280] Seventy-five percent of bipolar have anxiety. And there are a myriad of other potential +[314.280 --> 323.880] symptoms. PTSD, insomnia, you name it. It turns out that I have been hypomanic most of +[323.880 --> 333.240] my adult life. And perhaps that's why I was so energetic as a kid. When I left the hospital, +[333.240 --> 338.360] the doctor alerted my family that there was a chance that I could develop suicidal thoughts +[338.360 --> 346.160] at some point later on. That's crazy. Why would I think that? I thought to myself. Little +[346.160 --> 353.280] did I know how radically my life was about to change. Fast forward three years, I found +[353.280 --> 361.240] myself socially isolated and employed for the second time, laying in the couch and staring +[361.240 --> 367.920] at the ceiling for a whole year. I even got injured in my hip flexor because I was laying sideways +[367.920 --> 383.080] too much. Have you ever felt like a failure? I have. I was a failure in every aspect of my +[383.080 --> 392.680] life. Health, friends, no job, no good money. I was an enrolled model as a father. And even +[392.680 --> 400.280] later when I found a job, I was a failure as a husband. My wife and I were splitting up. +[400.280 --> 407.900] My family was broken. Before that happened, those days when I was laying in the couch and +[407.900 --> 414.900] staring at the ceiling, I couldn't help but wonder why is this happening to me? What have +[414.900 --> 421.740] I done to deserve this? How did I go from being a successful investment banker in New York +[421.740 --> 434.980] to this? I became convinced that I would never be able to work again. I am broken. My mind +[434.980 --> 447.620] is broken. There was one day in particular when I was unemployed. They fired me after two +[447.620 --> 456.500] months. The first time I was diagnosed. And I found a job. Instead of feeling excited, the +[456.500 --> 462.660] doctor's prophecy was fulfilled. All I could think of doing was one thing, taking my own +[462.660 --> 470.020] life. I didn't want to do it. I was scared. But it felt natural, like breathing. Nothing +[470.020 --> 479.540] could stop it. I thought of my loved ones. How would they understand? I woke up crying and I told +[479.540 --> 487.700] my wife, we were still together. I told her, I am falling into a very deep hole and no one can help +[488.500 --> 495.220] me. But I was wrong. She said, I call with a therapist who saved my life. They both did. +[496.900 --> 502.980] Every word counted. The therapist told me exactly what I needed to hear at that time. She even told +[502.980 --> 511.140] me, you are going to become the best version of yourself when I was at my worst. That sounded +[511.140 --> 516.740] completely unbelievable. But at the same time, I needed to hold onto something. +[520.340 --> 525.700] Through the course of the long depression, although she helped me tremendously, the dark thoughts +[525.700 --> 533.380] came back. And I was then blessed with a turning point that changed everything. I had a meeting with +[533.380 --> 540.100] a suicide prevention expert who told me, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. +[542.020 --> 550.260] Wow. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This really stuck with me. +[550.980 --> 557.460] It allowed me to repatter my thoughts until they stopped. And I believe this is a skill that can be +[557.460 --> 566.740] learned and can save many lives. Somehow, the biggest failure of my life transformed into the +[566.740 --> 573.380] biggest catalyst for a positive change. I broke myself out of social isolation and began +[573.380 --> 580.260] connecting daily with friends and family in Spain. Health loss, putting place to protect our privacy, +[580.260 --> 586.180] make us carry the weight of our condition alone like a mask. I didn't want to share about my +[586.180 --> 592.820] symptoms because I felt ashamed. And I didn't want to have a stamp that read bipolar on my forehead. +[593.620 --> 602.180] I have now learned that labels are for shampoo. And as you can tell, I do not need shampoo. +[604.180 --> 609.700] And I do not need a label either. None of us do. It's like when you see a little kid running around +[609.700 --> 615.460] with a superman costume. What do you know about that kid, about his fears, his dreams, his ideas, +[615.460 --> 624.740] or his actions? This condition doesn't define who we are. Just because our mind breaks, +[625.460 --> 633.460] doesn't mean it remains broken. Just because someone has had a manic episode or even a psychotic break, +[633.460 --> 640.180] doesn't mean that he or she cannot be stable or reliable. By polar is chronic, yes, but it is +[640.180 --> 647.540] treatable. We can be functional and even highly functional. So I embraced the concept of radical +[647.540 --> 655.700] transparency. I began sharing my story, talking about my experiences in the psychiatric hospital, +[655.700 --> 662.180] where I met the most remarkable people. Nobody likes to admit having been in a mental hospital, +[662.900 --> 672.020] but it can happen to you or to someone you love. Some experts predict that 50% of the population +[672.020 --> 681.700] will have developed at least one mental illness by 875. Sharing became my way of normalizing. +[681.700 --> 689.460] The more I share, the more it felt I felt liberated. I was grieving my old self and acceptance +[689.460 --> 696.500] is the final stage of grief. I was accepting my diagnosis and I had the grounds to start building +[696.500 --> 705.460] my new life. I began exercising, taking walks with my family, and through good sleep, therapy, +[705.460 --> 712.180] and medication, I am filled with projects and energy now. Eventually, I reconnected with one of my +[712.180 --> 720.340] passions, writing. I began writing about bipolar to heal myself, but also because I wanted to create +[720.340 --> 725.780] social awareness and to help others that were struggling to find balance and a deeper purpose. +[729.140 --> 738.500] Perhaps bipolar didn't happen to me, but it happened for me. The mission of normalizing bipolar +[738.580 --> 746.100] has given me new life, because it allows me not only to write, but also to talk to people like you. +[747.140 --> 751.940] Because mental illness does not discriminate. It doesn't make distinctions between races, +[751.940 --> 758.900] genders, religions, or socioeconomic status. Mental illness is no different than medical illness, +[758.900 --> 767.220] except that it is harder to treat and often invisible. 15% of bipolar commit suicide. +[769.460 --> 774.340] 15% and up to 1-3rd attempt to underlives at least once to underlives time. +[778.020 --> 783.780] Sadly, some of the people that commit suicide are the most intelligent and creative among us, +[784.420 --> 791.300] and they do it at a very young age. What is the key of finding a cure to cancer or stopping +[791.300 --> 797.620] a war in the future? Is it a brilliant bipolar that is on the verge of suicide? What can we do as a +[797.620 --> 807.540] society? I want to propose the concept of radical transparency. I believe this can increase compassion +[807.540 --> 817.060] and save lives. By openly sharing our experiences as bipolar people, we raise social awareness and +[817.060 --> 827.220] transform our mental health. We need others to see us for who we truly are and perceive our potential. +[828.580 --> 835.300] And no matter who you are or where you are in life, when you feel things will never get better, +[836.260 --> 847.780] remember these four words. These two shall pass. These two shall pass. And not everything is negative. +[849.700 --> 855.940] Most bipolar people are ordinary, but some people with mental illness or with +[855.940 --> 863.140] multisorders, many bipolar have changed the course of history. Think of Isaac Newton, +[863.140 --> 868.340] the scientist, Winston Churchill, the World War II leader, advocates for peace like Martin Luther +[868.340 --> 874.580] Keen, Mahad Magandi, artists like Virginia Woolf or Bangog, entrepreneurs like that +[874.580 --> 880.580] Turner and possibly Steven Ceef-Jovs may arguably be considered in the bipolar spectrum or with a +[880.580 --> 890.260] multisorder. So if you are bipolar and are listening to this or if you're struggling mentally, +[891.140 --> 896.820] remember what they say. It is not adversity, but rather your response to adversity that determines +[896.820 --> 903.300] how your life story will develop. So choose to be open, choose to be proud, choose to empower others +[903.300 --> 909.780] to share their story by sharing your own. By being open with others, those who struggle can feel +[909.780 --> 916.500] liberated, accept their condition, hold on to their jobs, educate their communities, empower others, +[916.500 --> 927.460] and this way lives can be saved. Everyone can be an instrument for change. No matter whether you +[927.460 --> 933.220] have bipolar or another mental illness or suspect you do, I really want to encourage you to share +[933.220 --> 938.180] your story where it's safe to do so. This upcoming week with radical transparency. +[940.420 --> 947.540] Do you view the world as a stage where you're being judged or as a playground where you can learn +[947.540 --> 955.620] and play and grow? And for listeners, I want to encourage you to listen with an open mind, +[955.620 --> 964.500] get informed, do not be afraid to ask the hard questions and be patient. We're doing the best we can. +[964.740 --> 971.540] So I have three questions for you, for friends, family members, co-workers and employers, +[971.540 --> 979.460] to ask someone. Number one, how are you doing? Number two, how do you feel about your mental health? +[979.460 --> 989.380] And number three, what can I do to support you? Naomi Osaka, the great tennis player, who took +[989.380 --> 996.420] a break in 2021 to protect her mental health, said, it's okay to not be okay and it's okay to talk +[996.420 --> 1003.540] about it. However, my favorite quote is from the author Marianne Williamson, who said, +[1004.260 --> 1013.380] our deepest fear is not to be inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. +[1014.020 --> 1025.620] So, in the midst of your battles, find the courage to share your story and you will find +[1025.620 --> 1036.180] the risk within you, an invincible superhero that might be the very thing someone else needs to +[1036.180 --> 1045.380] open their heart to hope. diff --git a/transcript/TED_t_CEXuoSEZU.txt b/transcript/TED_t_CEXuoSEZU.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..98d760695e859523c64507d210cf30653feef111 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_t_CEXuoSEZU.txt @@ -0,0 +1,543 @@ +[0.000 --> 15.840] Before we start, I need to pay close attention. +[15.840 --> 17.920] I'm going to need you to pay close attention. +[17.920 --> 20.920] I'm going to use slight of hand to switch some hearts. +[20.920 --> 22.360] But start with this one. +[22.360 --> 23.360] Watch very carefully. +[51.920 --> 53.640] Now, one more time. +[53.640 --> 54.640] Pay attention. +[58.640 --> 61.320] So how many switches did you see? +[61.320 --> 63.920] Did you see six card switches? +[63.920 --> 67.600] If you said six, you'd be right. +[67.600 --> 70.160] But did you happen to catch the other things who switched? +[70.160 --> 71.760] For instance, now I'm wearing a suit. +[71.760 --> 73.760] And my card to blue, my furniture is gone. +[73.760 --> 75.560] And everything behind me is switched. +[75.560 --> 78.520] While you were focused on watching me change the cards, +[78.520 --> 81.400] my team was changing everything else. +[81.400 --> 82.400] Claire. +[89.400 --> 90.040] It's evil. +[90.040 --> 90.520] I'm sorry. +[90.520 --> 92.000] We're all blind. +[92.000 --> 96.680] That's called an intentional blindness or change blindness. +[96.680 --> 99.080] We're all affected by it. +[99.080 --> 101.720] And that's what we're going to talk about today. +[101.720 --> 102.600] I'm Rich Ferguson. +[102.600 --> 103.960] I'm a magician. +[103.960 --> 105.520] You might know me as a magician. +[105.520 --> 107.200] But I bet you didn't know that I didn't learn +[107.200 --> 108.800] to retell I was 11 years old. +[108.800 --> 112.160] And that gave me a very deep appreciation for human behavior. +[112.160 --> 115.680] And today I'm going to share my greatest secret with you, +[115.680 --> 118.120] which is crazy because I say magicians don't share their secrets. +[118.120 --> 121.600] So I don't know if there's anyone in the union here, but no. +[121.600 --> 123.960] But I'm going to be sharing with you more of a life skill, +[123.960 --> 128.200] how to read human behavior so you can use it to apply it in sales, +[128.200 --> 131.400] communications, hiring, fire, negotiations, poker. +[131.400 --> 133.520] Anything where there is a situation where there's +[133.520 --> 137.280] something on the line, a stress factor, or a situation +[137.280 --> 140.240] where someone might not tell you the full truth. +[140.240 --> 143.720] But before we start, I thought we'd play a little game. +[143.720 --> 146.880] I want you all to close your eyes for just a second. +[146.880 --> 148.720] All of you close your eyes. +[148.720 --> 151.680] I've been up here in front of you for a couple of minutes. +[151.680 --> 153.400] Imagine what I'm wearing. +[153.400 --> 155.760] But specifically, imagine my tie. +[155.760 --> 158.880] Is it dotted or is it striped? +[158.880 --> 161.680] Imagine what color it is. +[161.680 --> 163.760] And to open your eyes. +[163.760 --> 165.560] Now a few of you probably got it right, +[165.560 --> 168.880] but some of you might have been led astray by what I was saying. +[168.880 --> 169.680] Of course, it's black. +[169.680 --> 170.360] I'm a magician. +[170.360 --> 172.720] It's required by the union. +[172.720 --> 174.160] Not a big deal. +[174.160 --> 175.600] But before we get into the whole program, +[175.600 --> 179.680] I have to give you a warning. +[179.680 --> 183.000] Body language and influence go hand in hand. +[183.000 --> 185.120] But you can't try to influence somebody +[185.120 --> 186.880] when it comes to sales or negotiations +[186.880 --> 189.200] or anything like that without observing first. +[189.200 --> 192.240] So the first rule of influence and persuasion +[192.240 --> 195.320] is you must observe details and clues +[195.320 --> 197.120] before you push your agenda. +[197.120 --> 199.040] Otherwise, you're just a cheesy salesman. +[199.040 --> 200.840] And you're just pushing your thing on them +[200.840 --> 203.320] without any regard to their need, their fears, +[203.320 --> 205.240] their belief, or whatever. +[205.240 --> 207.040] So we're going to start with human behavior +[207.040 --> 208.720] from a body language standpoint. +[208.720 --> 210.880] But since we're at a college and we're at this beautiful place, +[210.880 --> 214.760] I thought I would give you a pop quiz. +[214.760 --> 217.040] I can see the stress on some faces already. +[217.040 --> 217.680] You could trust me. +[217.680 --> 218.240] I'm a magician. +[218.240 --> 219.560] It's OK. +[219.560 --> 220.800] Maybe not. +[220.800 --> 222.520] So quiz number one. +[222.520 --> 226.960] There's a person lying if they look up to the right. +[226.960 --> 228.040] You've heard that a lot, right? +[228.040 --> 229.440] It's very common knowledge. +[229.440 --> 231.120] But it's not true. +[231.120 --> 232.760] They keep you looking at a lot of things. +[232.760 --> 234.480] They keep you looking at those balloons. +[234.480 --> 235.560] There's no balloons. +[235.560 --> 236.200] He looked. +[236.200 --> 238.080] You totally looked. +[238.080 --> 239.720] I knew it. +[239.720 --> 241.280] There's a lot of reasons people could look that way. +[241.280 --> 242.960] But more importantly, the real takeaway here +[242.960 --> 245.800] is you haven't baseded line this person. +[245.800 --> 247.600] You don't know how they tick normally. +[247.600 --> 248.760] Maybe they're left-handed. +[248.760 --> 250.160] Maybe they're right-brained dominant. +[250.160 --> 252.400] You don't know if that's where they look when they lie, +[252.400 --> 254.440] or if that's where they look to fabricate information. +[254.440 --> 256.040] You don't know. +[256.040 --> 258.040] So if it's commonly known that someone +[258.040 --> 259.440] looks to the right and they're lying, +[259.440 --> 261.440] well, didn't it make sense if they looked to the left? +[261.440 --> 262.920] They're always telling the truth. +[262.920 --> 263.600] No. +[263.600 --> 264.760] Again, you don't have context. +[264.760 --> 265.720] You don't know them. +[265.720 --> 266.960] So the real secret to body language +[266.960 --> 268.720] is to evaluate in a person and understanding +[268.720 --> 271.400] their baseline before you make a judgment call. +[271.400 --> 274.120] Because if you make a judgment call and call somebody out +[274.120 --> 275.560] on something like, oh, why are you touching your light? +[275.640 --> 276.480] Are you nervous? +[276.480 --> 279.120] Well, now that says more about me as me projecting +[279.120 --> 280.360] than it does about the person. +[280.360 --> 282.480] So always be careful on that. +[282.480 --> 284.560] Now, if someone's staring directly at you, +[285.560 --> 288.080] this is very common of compulsive liars. +[288.080 --> 288.920] Be very careful. +[288.920 --> 289.760] No. +[289.760 --> 290.600] What does that mean? +[290.600 --> 291.440] Are they lying? +[291.440 --> 292.280] No. +[292.280 --> 293.120] It could mean a lot of things. +[293.120 --> 293.960] Why? +[293.960 --> 295.800] It could just be how they are socially, too. +[295.800 --> 297.600] They may be, they're in love. +[297.600 --> 299.000] Maybe they're awestruck, +[299.000 --> 300.600] or maybe they're just lying to you. +[300.600 --> 301.440] Who knows? +[301.440 --> 302.720] So when you go home tonight, +[302.720 --> 306.200] if your significant other is staring at you a lot, +[306.200 --> 308.280] they might be lying to you or they might love you. +[308.280 --> 309.600] I don't know the answer. +[309.600 --> 311.600] The fact is we don't have context. +[311.600 --> 313.520] I don't want you all going home and fighting now, right? +[313.520 --> 314.360] You don't have context. +[314.360 --> 316.160] It really comes down to context, +[316.160 --> 317.920] and more importantly, the wind. +[317.920 --> 320.200] When does the shift to behavior happen? +[320.200 --> 321.080] That's key. +[321.080 --> 322.560] The fact that they're in a certain position +[322.560 --> 323.560] means nothing. +[324.560 --> 325.400] This all comes down. +[325.400 --> 328.200] All this eye stuff comes down to the visual auditory regions +[328.200 --> 329.040] of the brain. +[329.040 --> 331.760] Over 25% of our brain is entirely devoted +[331.760 --> 335.680] to vision alone, and another 25 is loosely related to vision. +[335.680 --> 337.360] So it's a lot of your brain devoted to this. +[337.360 --> 339.400] So it makes sense that your eyes might track +[339.400 --> 342.120] when I'm researching information from my database +[342.120 --> 343.480] versus me fabricating it, +[343.480 --> 345.520] because I'm a certain dominant in my brain, +[345.520 --> 346.600] or I'm right hand, it's stuff like that. +[346.600 --> 349.600] So you can't take this information and say, +[349.600 --> 351.800] oh, someone is lying because they looked away. +[351.800 --> 353.480] There's a lot of reasons they might. +[353.480 --> 357.000] Test number two, what's it mean if somebody's arms are crossed? +[357.000 --> 358.360] Are they disinterested? +[358.360 --> 362.000] Are they not listening to you? +[362.000 --> 363.720] That's the common thing you might think +[363.720 --> 366.200] when it comes to human behavior, but this is just a snapshot. +[366.200 --> 368.320] We don't know why this person's like this. +[368.320 --> 370.920] If you came across this person and their arms are crossed, +[370.920 --> 374.120] it means nothing to you because you didn't do it. +[374.120 --> 376.040] Now, if you're trying to sell them something, +[376.040 --> 377.920] you might want to get them out of this state +[377.920 --> 379.920] because they will be more receptive to information +[379.920 --> 382.440] if you can remove them from that state. +[382.440 --> 385.320] However, if they're like this, and you say, +[385.320 --> 387.240] yeah, the price is $13.99, and they go, oh, really? +[387.240 --> 388.840] And they've crossed their arms. +[388.840 --> 391.680] Now you have great intel, and that's what we're talking about. +[391.680 --> 394.320] We're talking about the win. +[394.320 --> 395.120] This is a great win. +[395.120 --> 397.880] Is the person on the left or the right more confident +[397.880 --> 400.120] and receptive to information? +[400.120 --> 402.120] Now, a casual observation might say, well, +[402.120 --> 404.880] you know, the person on the right here, he's leaning back. +[404.880 --> 405.600] He's comfortable. +[405.600 --> 406.920] His legs are crossed. +[406.920 --> 408.480] He's got a smile on his face. +[408.480 --> 410.960] Of course, he's the one I want to talk to. +[410.960 --> 412.120] And you'd be dead wrong. +[412.120 --> 413.720] Let me tell you why. +[413.720 --> 416.960] The person on the left is doing a couple of things +[416.960 --> 417.960] he might not be aware of. +[417.960 --> 420.280] And this all comes down to subconscious behavior. +[420.280 --> 423.480] This is key to reading people and gathering intel +[423.480 --> 427.360] for you to create your best strategy and success for sales. +[427.360 --> 429.400] On the right, his legs are apart. +[429.400 --> 431.960] That's a very confidence position. +[431.960 --> 434.160] Now, it's different if he's next to you at a poker player +[434.160 --> 435.840] and he's got his legs open and he's taking up +[435.840 --> 437.240] your personal space. +[437.240 --> 438.400] Now, it's dominance. +[438.400 --> 440.160] That's far different from confidence, +[440.160 --> 443.800] and it's sometimes very misconstrued, unfortunately. +[443.800 --> 446.040] He's also sitting forward. +[446.040 --> 448.560] He's engaged another subconscious sign of engagement. +[448.560 --> 451.120] He may not even know he's doing it. +[451.120 --> 453.600] But most importantly, the two things +[453.600 --> 457.200] you're going to notice here is on the left, his thumbs are up, +[457.200 --> 459.360] and on the right, his thumbs are down. +[459.360 --> 462.240] And that's a really strong sign of engagement +[462.240 --> 464.360] and interest in what's going on. +[464.360 --> 466.320] On the right, his thumbs are down. +[466.320 --> 467.080] His legs are crossed. +[467.080 --> 470.000] He's leaning back all out of comforting himself. +[470.000 --> 472.880] He's very nervous and he's not digging what he's hearing. +[472.880 --> 473.760] And you might see that face. +[473.760 --> 474.720] He's smiling. +[474.720 --> 476.640] That's out of nervous tension release +[476.640 --> 479.120] because he's nervous with the situation. +[479.120 --> 480.880] But then again, I just made all that up +[480.880 --> 482.760] because these are snapshots we don't have the context. +[482.760 --> 485.080] But if it went from here to there, +[485.080 --> 486.880] I know exactly what it means. +[486.880 --> 489.040] And that's the key. +[489.040 --> 491.480] Now I'm playing poker. +[491.480 --> 494.040] It's my turn to play. +[494.040 --> 496.160] It's not his turn to bet yet. +[496.160 --> 498.440] Yet he's already mad, dog and me. +[498.440 --> 500.480] He's already got his hands on his chips. +[500.480 --> 501.240] What does this mean? +[501.240 --> 504.560] And who's got the best hand? +[504.560 --> 506.720] He wants to evaluate it for a second. +[506.720 --> 509.240] Well, I can observe a couple of things right now. +[509.240 --> 511.840] One, he's planning his to magician. +[511.840 --> 512.760] Duh. +[512.760 --> 513.840] I don't know why he's doing that. +[513.840 --> 514.680] He's going to lose his money. +[514.680 --> 515.680] I can change the card. +[515.680 --> 517.840] So that's that. +[517.840 --> 521.360] But moving on to body language, there's +[521.360 --> 523.120] a couple of things you might notice. +[523.120 --> 525.000] One, I'm wearing a wedding ring. +[525.000 --> 526.160] He's not. +[526.160 --> 527.440] What's that tell you? +[527.440 --> 529.520] I have someone to answer to when I go home. +[529.520 --> 530.400] He doesn't. +[530.400 --> 531.960] So he might play a little looser. +[531.960 --> 533.600] A more aggressively takes some risk. +[533.600 --> 535.160] That's just something to observe. +[535.160 --> 536.360] Has nothing to do with body language, +[536.360 --> 540.520] but it is all about clues and assessing the whole package. +[540.520 --> 543.200] A couple of things you might want to know. +[543.200 --> 544.960] He's mad dogging me. +[544.960 --> 546.680] He knows he's doing that. +[546.680 --> 548.400] He's consciously doing it. +[548.400 --> 551.640] And when it comes to conscious acting under a situation +[551.640 --> 554.160] when there's a stress stimulus, not just in general life, +[554.160 --> 555.880] but when there's something on the line, +[555.880 --> 558.800] you can just bet the opposite of what he's trying to portray. +[558.800 --> 560.680] So that alone tells me his card to probably know good. +[560.680 --> 562.480] He's just trying to steal some money. +[562.480 --> 566.320] Two, early in the hand, I'm holding my cards +[566.320 --> 568.080] because they're valuable to me. +[568.080 --> 569.040] You've got to walk down the street +[569.040 --> 570.520] and you see something kind of weird going on. +[570.520 --> 571.680] You just feel for your wallet. +[571.680 --> 573.520] You always protect what's valuable to you. +[573.520 --> 575.080] And it's a lot of times subconscious. +[575.080 --> 578.160] And subconscious signs are key to this stuff. +[578.160 --> 579.440] He's not protecting his cards. +[579.440 --> 581.480] He's already been throwing it on on the table. +[581.480 --> 583.400] Now let's look at Motive. +[583.400 --> 585.760] If his cards were so great and he was, +[585.760 --> 588.400] he's got the winning hand, why would he do things +[588.400 --> 591.800] to intimidate me, to scare me from giving him more money? +[591.800 --> 594.520] He won it. +[594.520 --> 597.920] Test number five, who's telling you less or more +[597.920 --> 598.800] than they should? +[598.800 --> 601.440] What's going on here? +[601.440 --> 603.200] Somebody knows more. +[603.200 --> 605.160] Let's see, how can I tell you this? +[605.160 --> 608.400] Have you ever encountered a time in your life +[608.400 --> 610.120] where you're talking to a young child +[610.120 --> 612.120] and a couple other other friends? +[612.120 --> 615.360] And you already know the truth, like who broke something? +[615.360 --> 616.280] And then you've pinned them down. +[616.280 --> 619.960] You're like, Johnny, did you break that vase +[620.040 --> 622.200] and you're met with this? +[622.200 --> 623.400] I don't know. +[623.400 --> 626.080] Well, I was playing with Kathy, and she was playing with them. +[626.080 --> 629.200] And then it's just a whole lot of talking and filler, right? +[629.200 --> 631.280] One shoulder shrugs mean they literally +[631.280 --> 634.640] are telling you half the story. +[634.640 --> 637.160] Put your shoulders down, sir. +[637.160 --> 638.520] What message is being sent here? +[638.520 --> 640.360] This is a perfect slide to demonstrate +[640.360 --> 643.760] that other items can be an extension of your body language. +[643.760 --> 645.840] Here a woman is shaking my hand, but it's very delicate. +[645.840 --> 646.800] Her fist is not in there. +[646.800 --> 648.360] It's just her fingertips, very timid. +[648.360 --> 650.920] But she's also confirmed this timidness by bringing up +[650.920 --> 653.160] an item between us, it's called blocking. +[653.160 --> 655.400] That lets me know in this particular environment +[655.400 --> 657.400] or the setting or something we said +[657.400 --> 659.320] is causing her to be very fearful of it. +[659.320 --> 662.520] So I want to get her out of this position +[662.520 --> 664.800] if I want her to be receptive to information. +[666.760 --> 671.320] This is my favorite slide because it shows how you can +[671.320 --> 675.240] project or misread somebody based on just a snapshot in life. +[675.240 --> 677.040] You walk into a situation, you see someone doing something, +[677.040 --> 678.880] tell it why you're so nervous, bad thing to do +[678.880 --> 680.320] because you don't have the context. +[680.320 --> 681.720] So here's the situation. +[681.720 --> 683.480] This tall, good looking dude shaking my hand, +[683.480 --> 688.640] his hands on top, very dominating kind of position to be in. +[688.640 --> 690.960] He's bigger than me, he's tall, he's good looking, +[690.960 --> 693.400] he's tan, what's he got to be intimidated by? +[693.400 --> 694.960] You know, he doesn't need to be dominating. +[694.960 --> 695.960] Oh, it's the hair. +[695.960 --> 696.800] That's what it is. +[696.800 --> 697.880] It's, no, sorry. +[700.520 --> 701.400] But let's evaluate this. +[701.400 --> 704.120] I'm going to give you two scenarios that end up +[704.120 --> 706.160] in this exact same shot. +[707.160 --> 709.760] One, let's say I put my hand out neutral like this +[709.760 --> 711.360] to shake his hand at a business meeting +[711.360 --> 713.400] where everything should be neutral and fair. +[713.400 --> 714.760] It's a fair playing field. +[714.760 --> 717.320] We should start off neutral and be open to information +[717.320 --> 718.160] to each other. +[718.160 --> 721.080] I put out my hand, nice to meet you and he turns my hand +[721.080 --> 723.600] and brings it toward him and squeezes it hard. +[723.600 --> 724.920] He's trying to dominate me. +[724.920 --> 726.560] I can tell you right then and there, +[726.560 --> 728.080] he's not going to care what I got to say. +[728.080 --> 729.960] It's all about his agenda. +[729.960 --> 730.920] So what can I do? +[730.920 --> 731.760] I'm a magician. +[731.760 --> 732.760] I can do lots of stuff. +[732.760 --> 735.040] One, his pockets, unprotected. +[735.040 --> 735.880] I could steal stuff. +[735.880 --> 737.240] He can't even see it, right? +[737.240 --> 739.360] I don't suggest you do that. +[739.360 --> 741.800] From a body language standpoint, here's what you can do. +[741.800 --> 743.440] He's got the control. +[743.440 --> 745.480] I simply invade his space and put my hand on top +[745.480 --> 746.920] to psychopolitician. +[746.920 --> 748.320] And guess what I just did? +[748.320 --> 750.600] I invaded his space, let him know subconsciously. +[750.600 --> 752.200] It's all under the, in the back of the brain, +[752.200 --> 753.520] he doesn't even know I've done it. +[753.520 --> 756.520] But the vibe sent is, I'm in control now. +[756.520 --> 757.400] Thanks for trying. +[757.400 --> 758.240] It's very cool. +[758.240 --> 760.000] But that's not what happened here. +[760.000 --> 760.920] That's not what happened. +[760.920 --> 762.560] Because I'm a professional observer. +[762.560 --> 764.560] I already knew where I stood with this guy. +[764.560 --> 766.320] Here he comes, he's seven foot tall. +[766.320 --> 767.000] He's good looking. +[767.000 --> 770.080] I'm like, OK, I got this guy's number. +[770.080 --> 771.920] I offered my hand. +[771.920 --> 772.720] Face up. +[772.720 --> 773.760] I offered it that way. +[773.760 --> 775.880] And that's how we got to this scenario. +[775.880 --> 779.240] So it gave him the illusion of comfort and control. +[779.240 --> 780.880] Because I'm sneaky that way. +[780.880 --> 783.160] So the strategy of body language is very simple. +[783.160 --> 786.960] First, you identify if there is a shift of behavior or not. +[786.960 --> 788.560] And then decide what you're going to do with that information. +[788.560 --> 789.360] That's completely up to you. +[789.360 --> 790.720] If we had two hours to talk about it, +[790.720 --> 793.600] we can talk about strategy. +[793.600 --> 795.160] So now you've passed the quiz. +[795.160 --> 795.680] Do you feel safe? +[795.680 --> 796.440] You feel good now? +[796.440 --> 797.160] No stress? +[797.160 --> 797.840] I'm going to judge you. +[797.840 --> 799.280] I'm not going to grade you. +[799.280 --> 803.440] Now you've met the prerequisite for my super secret flow +[803.440 --> 804.200] chart. +[804.200 --> 806.720] And the one thing you're going to take away from today +[806.720 --> 808.440] is subconscious tells. +[808.440 --> 811.080] I'm going to train you to look for those and ignore everything +[811.080 --> 813.000] else because they're always accurate. +[813.000 --> 814.320] They always tell the truth. +[814.320 --> 816.800] And they are awesome. +[816.800 --> 817.800] So here's what we're going to do. +[817.800 --> 820.680] We're going to stick on here for a couple of minutes. +[820.840 --> 821.920] Think about reading a person. +[821.920 --> 823.040] You walk into a situation. +[823.040 --> 826.040] Only two things can happen. +[826.040 --> 828.840] One, they're already in that position. +[828.840 --> 830.920] Or two, you put them in that position. +[830.920 --> 831.880] So let's just go through this. +[831.880 --> 833.640] We're going to start with the static side. +[833.640 --> 837.480] The static side is interesting because you come across a person +[837.480 --> 840.000] who is all ready in a position. +[840.000 --> 842.160] You don't know why they're there. +[842.160 --> 843.920] So you don't have context. +[843.920 --> 846.320] And then also you need multiple indicators. +[846.320 --> 849.960] You need other clues to tell you what's really going on. +[849.960 --> 852.520] So you're going to be left with a vague outcome. +[852.520 --> 854.960] That's not actionable information. +[854.960 --> 857.440] Now I have to back up for a second. +[857.440 --> 859.320] It's really important to understand. +[859.320 --> 862.200] This pertains entirely to situations +[862.200 --> 863.880] where there's a stress factor. +[863.880 --> 865.640] And when there's something on the line +[865.640 --> 867.680] that someone may not be telling you the full truth. +[867.680 --> 868.560] Very important. +[868.560 --> 871.160] Because on the static side, you could of course +[871.160 --> 873.520] just go up to your girlfriend and think, oh, why are you sad? +[873.520 --> 875.920] And they'll tell you, this is under a situation +[875.920 --> 879.040] where there's negotiations or poker or hiring or firing. +[879.040 --> 880.600] And this is different. +[880.600 --> 883.960] So under this side of static behavior, +[883.960 --> 885.400] you don't know anything. +[885.400 --> 887.960] So it doesn't leave you with actionable information. +[887.960 --> 889.080] Now let's go to the shift side. +[889.080 --> 891.720] This is the world I live in as a magician. +[891.720 --> 894.920] On the shift side, only two things are going to happen. +[894.920 --> 899.080] Either it's conscious behaviors or subconscious behaviors. +[899.080 --> 901.520] If it's conscious behaviors, you know they're doing it. +[901.520 --> 904.480] They're thinking about it just like the poker player. +[904.480 --> 905.840] They know they're doing that. +[905.840 --> 907.480] But they don't know they're holding their cards tighter +[907.480 --> 910.040] or looser or moving their feet. +[910.040 --> 912.640] So that's the difference between conscious and subconscious. +[912.640 --> 916.000] So on the conscious side, only two things are going to happen. +[916.000 --> 917.920] It's either going to be natural and honest +[917.920 --> 920.440] and all the other clues also support that. +[920.440 --> 922.200] Or there's going to be overacting. +[922.200 --> 924.160] For instance, you're selling something to somebody +[924.160 --> 925.640] and you finally hit him with the price. +[925.640 --> 928.040] Yeah, it's going to be $13,500 for this used car. +[928.040 --> 930.280] And they go, oh, yeah, you know, and they're in their feet +[930.280 --> 932.480] retreat, they're thunger teeth, they're cross their arms. +[932.480 --> 935.560] Everything about them says, oh no, red flag. +[935.560 --> 936.760] But they're face lights up. +[936.760 --> 938.000] Oh, that's great. +[938.000 --> 938.840] You know what I mean? +[938.840 --> 940.160] If talking to my wife tomorrow, we got three other cars +[940.160 --> 941.000] we're looking at. +[941.000 --> 942.000] But yes, you're my man. +[942.000 --> 943.040] I'm going to be calling you tomorrow. +[943.040 --> 945.240] All that's acting and it's overacting. +[945.240 --> 947.160] And you can read it simply if you can compare it +[947.160 --> 949.480] to subconscious tells because the subconscious tells +[949.480 --> 951.240] are always correct. +[951.240 --> 954.200] They never lie because the person doesn't know they're doing it. +[954.200 --> 955.960] That's why I want you to focus on the subconscious tells. +[955.960 --> 960.560] So if there's acting involved under a stress situation, +[960.560 --> 964.040] go with the opposite and you're most likely going to be correct. +[964.040 --> 966.520] It's very counterintuitive, but that is how it works. +[966.520 --> 969.320] If it's natural, it's probably true. +[969.320 --> 971.800] Either way, it leads to actionable information. +[971.800 --> 973.760] Information you can take to build your strategy +[973.760 --> 976.480] to increase your sales or whatever it might be. +[976.480 --> 979.400] Now, on the subconscious side of things, +[979.400 --> 982.400] and this is the one thing I want you to take away with today +[982.400 --> 984.920] that is just awesome. +[984.920 --> 986.480] They always tell the truth. +[986.480 --> 987.480] They never lie. +[987.480 --> 988.640] They don't know they're doing it. +[988.640 --> 991.160] Think of the power and the gold of that right there. +[991.160 --> 993.000] So a subconscious tell would be, I am playing poker +[993.000 --> 995.360] with somebody, let's say, the cards are dealt. +[995.360 --> 998.160] They look at them and they just subtly shift up a little bit. +[998.160 --> 1000.240] They might as well tell me their cards are great. +[1000.240 --> 1002.240] Or if you're dating somebody and they're like, +[1002.240 --> 1003.080] oh, you know, that sounds great. +[1003.080 --> 1004.000] We should go out again tomorrow, +[1004.000 --> 1006.000] but you see their feet retreat and crook around the corners +[1006.000 --> 1008.040] of their chairs out of comfort. +[1008.040 --> 1010.400] They're just saying stuff, but what they really feel is, +[1010.400 --> 1011.720] I'm done. +[1011.720 --> 1013.680] If you're selling something and you see someone +[1013.680 --> 1016.120] is hands retreat or their hands going their pockets +[1016.120 --> 1018.800] and their thumbs disappear, thumbs disappearing, +[1018.800 --> 1021.120] big sign of no good. +[1021.160 --> 1024.280] So you're looking for sub conscious tells. +[1024.280 --> 1026.200] They always are accurate. +[1026.200 --> 1028.800] And that is the key to success of reading people +[1028.800 --> 1031.240] in magic, in life. +[1031.240 --> 1033.440] So the golden rules of body language are very simple. +[1033.440 --> 1037.760] A posture or gesture means very, very little without context. +[1038.720 --> 1042.920] Subconscious signs are almost always true. +[1042.920 --> 1045.720] And conscious signs when there's that acting involved +[1045.720 --> 1048.200] are almost always false. +[1048.200 --> 1051.080] So I'm gonna leave you with a couple more ideas here. +[1051.120 --> 1053.120] That go beyond this because we're talking about reading +[1053.120 --> 1056.000] of the people, taking advantage of situations, +[1056.000 --> 1058.600] selling to them, negotiating with them, +[1058.600 --> 1059.640] but you have to stop and realize +[1059.640 --> 1060.960] you're only half the equation right there +[1060.960 --> 1062.160] because what about you? +[1063.000 --> 1064.440] So now we have to evaluate ourselves. +[1064.440 --> 1066.080] So here's just an example. +[1066.080 --> 1068.120] What message is being sent here? +[1068.120 --> 1070.560] Here's a woman at a business mixer, let's say. +[1070.560 --> 1072.320] She's got a fistful of business cards. +[1073.480 --> 1075.560] We are sure she might not have a purse on her. +[1075.560 --> 1077.280] She may not have an outfit that has pockets. +[1077.280 --> 1079.600] So she's got this fistful of business cards +[1079.640 --> 1081.080] out of just the situation. +[1081.080 --> 1084.480] But the message sent subconsciously to the other person +[1084.480 --> 1086.080] is still the same. +[1086.080 --> 1088.120] So you have to be careful of what message you're +[1088.120 --> 1089.760] unintentionally sending. +[1089.760 --> 1091.440] So in this case, it looks like she's there +[1091.440 --> 1093.880] to hand out her cards and she doesn't care what you have to say. +[1093.880 --> 1095.280] It's a very dangerous thing to do. +[1096.320 --> 1098.480] Now in this situation who has a desk, +[1098.480 --> 1100.240] lots of us have desks. +[1100.240 --> 1103.160] Have you ever sat on the customer side of your desk? +[1103.160 --> 1105.360] What message is it being sent? +[1105.360 --> 1106.920] Is it intimidating or dominating? +[1106.920 --> 1108.840] What does it feel like? +[1108.840 --> 1110.440] Well, in this situation here, +[1110.440 --> 1112.480] here's this guy on the other side of my desk +[1112.480 --> 1114.160] who maybe I'm trying to negotiate with. +[1114.160 --> 1115.000] I want him to open up. +[1115.000 --> 1117.280] I want him to be receptive to my information. +[1117.280 --> 1121.240] But he's going to be 25% less perceptive to my information. +[1121.240 --> 1123.200] If there's junk in the way and it's blocking him off +[1123.200 --> 1125.560] and making him feel less superior than me, +[1125.560 --> 1127.200] it's not an equal battlefield. +[1127.200 --> 1129.000] So what you want to do is clear your junk away +[1129.000 --> 1130.280] and sit on the other side of your desk +[1130.280 --> 1132.440] and look at it and go, does this feel inviting? +[1132.440 --> 1134.560] Or just get up and leave your desk. +[1134.560 --> 1136.840] Or better yet, if you want to push this person +[1136.840 --> 1138.360] into a corner and this is your objective, +[1138.360 --> 1139.880] then by all means crowd your desk. +[1139.880 --> 1140.720] Just leave it. +[1144.400 --> 1146.480] There's so much more I can say, but I just +[1146.480 --> 1151.080] hope that I've helped just expand your horizons +[1151.080 --> 1152.560] when it comes to body and language, especially +[1152.560 --> 1155.640] subconscious tales because they are gold. +[1155.640 --> 1156.880] My name's Rich Ferguson. +[1156.880 --> 1160.600] And I have one last thing to ask you. +[1160.600 --> 1162.360] Keep your eyes open this time. +[1162.360 --> 1164.080] But just tell me what color my tie is. +[1166.840 --> 1170.200] I'm miss recording bite, made to move society. +[1170.200 --> 1173.660] I'm putting you under arrest as a expert. +[1173.660 --> 1175.820] I'mages coming through the same place. +[1175.820 --> 1178.340] I'm Deelly Unglin- atewhol walky baby. +[1178.340 --> 1182.060] And we have a picture show on Along The Middle. +[1182.060 --> 1186.240] I guess semi-dovey drawing quality shines more +[1186.240 --> 1188.080] than areatching you. +[1188.080 --> 1191.120] Honestly, it's a picture on your knight from Hollywood. +[1191.120 --> 1194.520] There's something I can wait. diff --git a/transcript/TED_zn2iRG7bI2I.txt b/transcript/TED_zn2iRG7bI2I.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..336b55fba299e4554374429c683d97ecca0402fc --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/TED_zn2iRG7bI2I.txt @@ -0,0 +1,234 @@ +[0.000 --> 5.600] Thanks for watching AM Northwest. +[5.600 --> 6.800] Well, do you talk with your hands? +[6.800 --> 10.240] Our next guest says, if you want to be a good communicator, you really should. +[10.240 --> 14.480] Here to explain, we welcome back the author of Human Light Detection and Body Language 101, +[14.480 --> 15.480] Vanessa Van Edwards. +[15.480 --> 17.120] Good to have you back here. +[17.120 --> 20.440] This is really interesting because when you think of hand gestures, you usually think of +[20.440 --> 22.240] the things that people flash when they're mad at you. +[22.240 --> 23.240] Yeah. +[23.240 --> 24.240] Those aren't the good ones. +[24.240 --> 25.240] Those aren't the good ones. +[25.240 --> 26.920] So we want to take this in a different direction. +[26.920 --> 27.920] Right. +[27.920 --> 31.840] People don't realize that our hand gestures are actually very important for our charisma. +[31.840 --> 34.640] They show intention, they show explanation. +[34.640 --> 36.160] They're also, they show a lot of trust. +[36.160 --> 38.160] When we see hands, we get really nice. +[38.160 --> 39.920] We feel like, oh, yeah, we can, we understand them. +[39.920 --> 40.920] We see them. +[40.920 --> 44.840] So I wanted to go over a couple of hand gestures you could use in your elevator pitch when +[44.840 --> 46.600] explaining things, when talking. +[46.600 --> 47.600] It's really important. +[47.600 --> 48.760] Quickly give the elevator pitch. +[48.760 --> 49.760] What is that? +[49.760 --> 52.600] So an elevator pitch is the, how you answer what do you do? +[52.600 --> 53.600] Okay. +[53.600 --> 54.600] And most people have a sort of script. +[54.600 --> 55.600] Right. +[55.600 --> 56.600] I do this. +[56.600 --> 57.600] I do that. +[57.600 --> 61.120] Actually, the more you can integrate your hands, the more memorable you become. +[61.120 --> 62.120] Okay. +[62.120 --> 63.120] All right. +[63.120 --> 64.120] So here's, well, start with easy. +[64.120 --> 65.120] Okay. +[65.120 --> 68.320] First, anytime you mention a number, you should always show that number. +[68.320 --> 72.440] So I work with three different kinds of people or there are four different parts to this +[72.440 --> 73.440] project. +[73.440 --> 76.240] Even when you're talking with kids, I can actually help. +[76.240 --> 77.760] It's almost like an anchor or a hook. +[77.760 --> 78.760] That makes sense. +[78.760 --> 80.160] Because then they see the number. +[80.160 --> 84.400] It's almost like hand gestures, underline or bold your words. +[84.400 --> 85.400] Okay. +[85.400 --> 87.880] So you can mention a number you want to say three, four, five, ten. +[87.880 --> 88.880] Right. +[88.880 --> 89.880] Always that's easy one. +[89.880 --> 90.880] Use your hands. +[90.880 --> 91.880] Okay. +[91.880 --> 92.880] So the second one is a little bit more complicated. +[92.880 --> 95.480] So this is increase, decrease. +[95.480 --> 99.880] So one thing you can do with your hands is if you're talking about a really big growth, +[99.880 --> 101.600] you can actually show that growth. +[101.600 --> 104.040] Or if it's a little problem, no big deal. +[104.040 --> 105.040] Oh, wow. +[105.040 --> 107.120] It actually takes down the anxiety. +[107.120 --> 108.120] Yeah. +[108.120 --> 109.120] You're saying, you know, this is no big deal. +[109.120 --> 110.120] It's very small. +[110.120 --> 111.360] Maybe you'll deal with it right away. +[111.360 --> 114.480] Or this is a big problem. +[114.480 --> 116.960] Is that, this whole thing makes a lot of sense. +[116.960 --> 117.960] It really does. +[117.960 --> 120.080] And you notice it on television with actors. +[120.080 --> 121.080] Right. +[121.080 --> 123.960] It gets to the point much quicker because you go, oh, it's a really big deal. +[123.960 --> 124.960] Right. +[124.960 --> 126.800] Or if I were to say it's a really big deal. +[126.800 --> 127.800] Oh, yeah, it doesn't. +[127.800 --> 130.720] Your brain's like, ooh, like I just scrambled your brain, right? +[130.720 --> 133.040] But the impact is huge when you do that. +[133.040 --> 134.040] Exactly. +[134.040 --> 135.040] So increase, decrease. +[135.040 --> 136.040] You can go growth. +[136.040 --> 138.040] Like, you know, my gosh, my teeth growing so much. +[138.040 --> 139.040] Right. +[139.040 --> 140.040] Right. +[140.040 --> 141.040] Yeah. +[141.040 --> 142.040] So increase, decrease. +[142.040 --> 144.040] The second one, the third one is if you are talking about something emotional. +[144.720 --> 147.040] The easiest way to do this is to actually gesture +[147.040 --> 148.720] anywhere in your heart region. +[148.720 --> 150.760] So our heart region, right in the middle of our chest, +[150.760 --> 153.880] if you say, this is so important to me. +[153.880 --> 154.880] Anytime you can feel it. +[154.880 --> 156.400] You can feel it when you say that. +[156.400 --> 159.000] Anytime someone gestures in this area, +[159.000 --> 161.360] it's almost like they're saying, pay attention. +[161.360 --> 161.880] Right. +[161.880 --> 163.160] This is important to me. +[163.160 --> 165.600] So if you're explaining something to a spouse or a child, +[165.600 --> 167.600] and you say, look, it really, really means something +[167.600 --> 169.880] when you do that to me, it's almost like a highlight +[169.880 --> 172.600] of an underlying to say, I really, really matters. +[172.600 --> 173.600] Right. +[173.600 --> 175.600] So, this is part gesture anywhere in here. +[175.600 --> 176.600] Okay. +[176.600 --> 177.600] For. +[177.600 --> 178.600] So this is about division. +[178.600 --> 182.600] So our hands actually can help people keep track of an explanation. +[182.600 --> 185.600] So let's say, for example, I'm talking about two different groups. +[185.600 --> 186.600] We're an election year. +[186.600 --> 187.600] Republicans and Democrats. +[187.600 --> 191.600] Anytime I talk about Republicans, I can actually hold Republicans right here. +[191.600 --> 193.600] So Republicans, think of this, they believe this. +[193.600 --> 194.600] Okay. +[194.600 --> 197.600] But Democrats, they think this, they believe this. +[197.600 --> 200.600] So you can actually use your hands to help people keep track. +[200.600 --> 201.600] Oh, yeah. +[201.600 --> 202.600] Yeah. +[202.600 --> 203.600] Of the concept that you're talking about. +[203.600 --> 206.600] So right, Republicans, you can say, so mom thinks this, dad thinks this. +[206.600 --> 207.600] Yeah. +[207.600 --> 208.600] Dogs can't. +[208.600 --> 209.600] Right, exactly. +[209.600 --> 210.600] And so it actually helps people, it's like a cliff notes. +[210.600 --> 211.600] Right. +[211.600 --> 213.600] To wait for someone to keep, especially if you have someone who's on their smartphone, +[213.600 --> 216.600] and they're not really paying attention, they can just look up and see which hand you're holding. +[216.600 --> 217.600] Wow. +[217.600 --> 220.600] And you know what someone mentioned too, that using hand gestures helps them learn a little bit. +[220.600 --> 221.600] A foreign language. +[221.600 --> 222.600] Yes. +[222.600 --> 226.600] And that's because there is a feedback loop between our gestures and our own understanding. +[226.600 --> 229.600] So even if you're learning something, you're trying to keep two things straight. +[229.600 --> 230.600] Yeah. +[230.600 --> 233.600] And you can even say, like if you were trying to remember something, like, I have to do this thing. +[233.600 --> 236.600] And if you keep your hand like this, you will remember when you go down to the floor. +[236.600 --> 237.600] Oh my gosh, I'm going to be using that. +[237.600 --> 238.600] Yeah, you can use the thing. +[238.600 --> 240.600] I'm forgetting a lot of things. +[240.600 --> 242.600] So I'm going to use that one. +[242.600 --> 243.600] Okay. +[243.600 --> 246.600] So now, so we talk about division, you can also bring things together. +[246.600 --> 250.600] So you can also say, you know, we were a part on this, but then we came together on it. +[250.600 --> 253.600] Or, you know, the Republicans and Democrats, the Republicans, these are the Republicans. +[253.600 --> 255.600] Republicans and Republicans are coming together on this issue. +[255.600 --> 256.600] Oh, that's not going to happen. +[256.600 --> 257.600] Right. +[257.600 --> 258.600] But it's going to happen, Helen, because my hand's sitting right. +[258.600 --> 259.600] Right. +[259.600 --> 260.600] Yes, it's okay. +[260.600 --> 261.600] It's a really good way to show it. +[261.600 --> 266.600] Like, if you have a job where you say, you know, I match people with their perfect home. +[266.600 --> 267.600] Oh, oh my gosh. +[267.600 --> 268.600] Right. +[268.600 --> 269.600] You can say that. +[269.600 --> 270.600] Right. +[270.600 --> 271.600] Or I love to teach wonderful books to students. +[271.600 --> 272.600] Right. +[272.600 --> 273.600] Right. +[273.600 --> 274.600] Anytime you're bringing things together. +[274.600 --> 275.600] So that's kind of an interesting one. +[275.600 --> 276.600] They're really good, yeah. +[276.600 --> 278.600] And the sixth one is emblems. +[278.600 --> 282.600] So culturally in this culture, A, okay, thumbs up and pointing. +[282.600 --> 285.600] I just want to say, those are all great gestures. +[285.600 --> 286.600] You see, everything's good. +[286.600 --> 287.600] Yeah. +[287.600 --> 288.600] And you can highlight that. +[288.600 --> 289.600] A lot of people do, yeah. +[289.600 --> 290.600] Also. +[290.600 --> 291.600] All's good. +[291.600 --> 293.600] The only one I would say is be careful with pointing. +[293.600 --> 294.600] Yeah. +[294.600 --> 296.600] So pointing is a very kind of aggressive gesture. +[296.600 --> 299.600] So if you're going to do it, I'd much rather you point with your hand open. +[299.600 --> 300.600] Okay. +[300.600 --> 303.600] That is why politicians are trained to do this. +[303.600 --> 308.600] So if you look at old tapes of politicians, most of them, they speak and they point like this. +[308.600 --> 311.600] Actually, they've been trained to point like this. +[311.600 --> 312.600] That's because, what is it? +[312.600 --> 313.600] It's a partial thumbs up gesture. +[313.600 --> 314.600] Right. +[314.600 --> 315.600] So it looks like everything's good. +[315.600 --> 316.600] Right. +[316.600 --> 318.600] And it's less aggressive than a point. +[318.600 --> 319.600] That's right. +[319.600 --> 320.600] That's why I do that. +[320.600 --> 322.600] So you can use that too. +[322.600 --> 323.600] Okay. +[323.600 --> 325.600] And the last one is you, me, we. +[325.600 --> 328.600] So you, me, we. +[328.600 --> 331.600] So you can actually use your gestures to bring people together. +[331.600 --> 333.600] So you can say, you know, we're on the same page. +[333.600 --> 334.600] Right. +[334.600 --> 335.600] Right, we. +[335.600 --> 336.600] Or we've come together on this. +[336.600 --> 337.600] Yeah, exactly. +[337.600 --> 338.600] Or you think this and I think this. +[338.600 --> 339.600] Right. +[339.600 --> 340.600] And that's okay if you think that. +[340.600 --> 342.600] But I really want to go with what I think. +[342.600 --> 343.600] Because it's important to me. +[343.600 --> 345.600] And this takes respect to that study you did on charisma, doesn't it? +[345.600 --> 346.600] Yes. +[346.600 --> 348.600] Where people paid attention to those using hand gestures. +[348.600 --> 350.600] So they became more charismatic. +[350.600 --> 351.600] Exactly. +[351.600 --> 354.600] So the best speakers use more hand gestures in their talks. +[354.600 --> 358.600] Now a little caveat here is there's a difference between jazz hands and hand gestures. +[358.600 --> 359.600] Right. +[359.600 --> 362.600] So kind of jazz hands are gestures that don't match your words. +[362.600 --> 363.600] Right. +[363.600 --> 364.600] Those are just. +[364.600 --> 365.600] Make sure they match your words. +[365.600 --> 366.600] Yes, they should match your words always that congruent. +[366.600 --> 367.600] Right. +[367.600 --> 368.600] That's what you want. +[368.600 --> 369.600] Those are the best speakers. +[369.600 --> 371.600] And the coming from the heart makes you can feel it. +[371.600 --> 374.600] And Ted talkers, you know, people who go on stage and they speak from their heart, +[374.600 --> 375.600] they're telling their story. +[375.600 --> 379.600] They often get on stage and say, today I want to share a story with you. +[379.600 --> 380.600] Oh, wow. +[380.600 --> 381.600] So you know I'm listening. +[381.600 --> 382.600] Right. +[382.600 --> 384.600] And now I feel like it's going to be a powerful heartfelt story. +[384.600 --> 385.600] Right. +[385.600 --> 386.600] And we're all going to come together. +[386.600 --> 387.600] Right. +[387.600 --> 390.600] We'll see like the speakers will use this gesture because they're trying to include the audience in their talk. +[390.600 --> 395.600] It's a beautiful way, I think, to give more depth to what you're saying. +[395.600 --> 399.600] To explain so much more beyond, you know, three words of, you know, us. +[399.600 --> 400.600] Right. +[400.600 --> 402.600] You can say much so much more with your hands when you add them. +[402.600 --> 405.600] Vanessa, from the bottom of my heart, that was fantastic. +[405.600 --> 406.600] Yes. +[406.600 --> 407.600] It really was. +[407.600 --> 412.600] Human lie detection, body language 101, your guide to reading people's nonverbal behavior. +[412.600 --> 413.600] Vanessa Van Edwards. +[413.600 --> 414.600] Do you love this video? +[414.600 --> 416.600] Then give us some love in the comments. +[416.600 --> 418.600] Like this video and subscribe to our channel. diff --git a/transcript/podcast_06qk0mxg3GA.txt b/transcript/podcast_06qk0mxg3GA.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..31f219fff44511353fec515895e1806a98a9e153 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_06qk0mxg3GA.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2057 @@ +[0.000 --> 8.680] I am really excited to introduce you to a woman that I met over a decade ago. +[8.680 --> 15.640] She has spent over two decades decoding body language trained by the FBI and the CIA. +[15.640 --> 19.800] She has studied the biggest murderers on the planet in history. +[19.800 --> 22.200] This is also an episode about empowerment. +[22.200 --> 28.240] There are simple things that you can learn to do to gain more influence, to be more persuasive, +[28.240 --> 30.320] to exude confidence. +[30.320 --> 36.000] We're going to go true crime, murderers, and job interviews all in one episode. +[36.000 --> 37.240] I can't wait for this. +[37.240 --> 44.800] Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Malrobins podcast. +[44.800 --> 50.520] Today I am really excited to introduce you to a woman that I met over a decade ago, +[50.520 --> 54.200] who is one of the world's leading experts in decoding body language. +[54.200 --> 59.960] So for all you true crime junkies out there, you better buckle up because you're about +[59.960 --> 63.920] to get a master class from a woman who's not only hilarious. +[63.920 --> 68.400] She's also so incredibly smart. +[68.400 --> 75.360] She has spent over two decades decoding body language trained by the FBI and the CIA. +[75.360 --> 79.760] She has studied the biggest murderers on the planet in history. +[79.760 --> 85.720] She can tell you what a shoulder shrug or a lip lock or a chin grab means. +[85.720 --> 90.760] She can tell you how to decode the body language of somebody that you're dating, of the person +[90.760 --> 92.240] you're working for. +[92.240 --> 97.200] She can even help you understand the signaling that your kids are giving you, that they don't +[97.200 --> 99.920] mean to give you when they're hiding information. +[99.920 --> 104.360] But this goes way beyond decoding lies and deception. +[104.360 --> 108.240] This is also an episode about empowerment. +[108.240 --> 113.160] Because there are simple things that you can learn to do in meetings, in interviews, +[113.160 --> 120.800] on dates with your family to gain more influence, to be more persuasive, and to exude confidence. +[120.800 --> 126.800] According to Janine, you have untapped potential that is hiding right in plain sight. +[126.800 --> 131.800] And today she is going to pull back the curtain and she's going to show you the secrets +[131.800 --> 138.080] to increase your influence and spot deception when it rises around you. +[138.080 --> 139.080] Are you ready? +[139.080 --> 144.480] We're going to go true crime, murderers, and job interviews all in one episode. +[144.480 --> 146.000] I can't wait for this. +[146.000 --> 149.240] Let's get Janine on. +[149.240 --> 152.440] Hi, girl. +[152.440 --> 153.960] I am so proud of you. +[153.960 --> 162.520] You look so fabulous and yellow and I can't wait to just shout you and your wisdom from +[162.520 --> 163.520] the rooftops. +[163.520 --> 164.520] Thank you. +[164.520 --> 169.200] We're going to start at the beginning since most people don't have the most people have +[169.200 --> 170.360] seen you on TV. +[170.360 --> 173.320] People are fans of true crime. +[173.320 --> 180.520] These captivating, mind blowing murder cases that really just capture our attention and +[180.520 --> 188.920] you are the expert that is on speed dial for every major network to analyze body language. +[188.920 --> 193.720] And so while people know you based on your expertise and wisdom that you've shared on some +[193.720 --> 197.800] of these landmark cases, they don't really know your background. +[197.800 --> 205.120] So can you explain how on earth did you get into the work that you do? +[205.120 --> 210.960] You've been analyzing murderers for the FBI, the CIA for decades. +[210.960 --> 214.160] How did you get into this work? +[214.160 --> 216.560] When I was at six years old, no. +[216.560 --> 220.560] If we really do go back to six, quite frankly, at six I was molested by a next door neighbor +[220.560 --> 223.960] and there are three types of people that are good at reading people. +[223.960 --> 228.720] Kids who are abused physically, emotionally, verbally, they need to know when dad comes +[228.720 --> 233.360] home, he puts his hat on a weird way or cracks open the beer or mom gets the vodka, whatever +[233.360 --> 235.760] it is that tonight is not going to be a good night. +[235.760 --> 239.240] So for me, it happened to be a next door neighbor and by the grace of God, my mother believed +[239.240 --> 240.240] me. +[240.240 --> 244.240] Now I believe today, as a swearing Christian, I believe that everything happens for my +[244.240 --> 245.240] greater good. +[245.240 --> 247.640] So at 16, a guy tried to kidnap me. +[247.640 --> 249.200] I was going to Mr. Donuts. +[249.200 --> 251.680] I worked at a Mr. Donut place now at Duncan Donuts. +[251.680 --> 254.000] I'm from Boston, like you, right? +[254.000 --> 255.920] And I picked up my check. +[255.920 --> 256.920] I was on my bike. +[256.920 --> 257.920] It was a rainy morning. +[257.920 --> 259.920] It was 5.30 in the morning, 1986. +[259.920 --> 261.120] ET came out that year. +[261.120 --> 264.560] You may remember, little Adam Walsh went missing that year. +[264.560 --> 267.360] And in my little 16-year-old brain, I just turned 16. +[267.360 --> 271.160] I was thinking when this guy tried to kidnap me with his car, he's going to get me. +[271.160 --> 273.920] I became like Liam Neeson and like a future movie, right? +[273.920 --> 276.680] Like he will get you, you know? +[276.680 --> 283.720] And I swear, having that trauma when I was six saved me at 16. +[283.720 --> 287.440] In my little brain, immediately draining, he said, hey kid, why don't we put your bike +[287.440 --> 289.400] in the trunk of my car? +[289.400 --> 290.920] And I'll give you a ride home. +[290.920 --> 294.720] And that, you know, Gavin DeBecker will call it the gift of fear. +[294.720 --> 296.880] The gift of fear just was like, shh. +[296.880 --> 300.880] And I knew I couldn't drive 2.8 miles home because he's just going to hit me with his car. +[300.880 --> 302.120] It doesn't care if I'm dead. +[302.120 --> 306.240] He's going to put my broken bones in the car and do whatever he's going to do to me. +[306.240 --> 311.360] But I saw a baybank, one block away and I'm like, if I can get to baybank, maybe my parents +[311.360 --> 312.360] will have the closure. +[312.360 --> 315.680] I'm like Adam Washer's family who were looking for him. +[315.680 --> 318.760] They didn't know who took him outside of a sear's parking lot. +[318.760 --> 326.160] And I'm like, because I, in my little 16-year-old brain, because of the trauma at 6.6, it just +[326.160 --> 328.760] began to change how I thought of the world. +[328.760 --> 332.280] And I said, if I can get to baybank, maybe there'll be a camera. +[332.280 --> 333.280] And I got there. +[333.280 --> 334.480] I called the grace of God. +[334.480 --> 338.120] The fence behind baybank had been ripped open, like cut open. +[338.120 --> 339.120] It was a metal fence. +[339.120 --> 342.040] It looked 20 feet, but it was probably like eight feet. +[342.040 --> 344.920] And I rode my, he followed me, lo and behold, right to the bank. +[344.920 --> 346.600] Mal, a new at home listening. +[346.600 --> 351.360] And I drove through the hole, down a six-footed bank meant into a shopping, another shopping +[351.360 --> 352.360] plaza. +[352.360 --> 354.320] Called 911, my parents are sound asleep. +[354.320 --> 355.400] It's 5.30 in the morning. +[355.400 --> 357.120] A police officer drives me home. +[357.120 --> 359.560] My parents have no idea of left the house. +[359.560 --> 362.360] Oh, my God. +[362.360 --> 363.800] That's where it began. +[363.800 --> 370.480] Because when I went into college, I majored in English communications. +[370.480 --> 373.720] Because I'm fascinated about what makes human beings tick. +[373.720 --> 377.680] And then I ended up getting a job with ATF, the Bureau of Occult to Back on Firearms. +[377.680 --> 378.680] I never heard of them. +[378.680 --> 381.080] They're originally Elliott Ness from the tax days. +[381.080 --> 383.200] We used to be part of Treasury. +[383.200 --> 388.440] Now with the Justice Department, loved human behavior, how to spot if someone's lying. +[388.440 --> 390.320] And I worked for ATF for 17 years. +[390.320 --> 394.920] Retired at 38 when I got a half a million dollar book deal with Random House to write a book. +[394.920 --> 396.560] You see when you think. +[396.560 --> 401.920] And the reason I got that is I watched a Dan Kennedy marketing video one night. +[401.920 --> 403.720] And he was talking to restaurant people. +[403.720 --> 406.400] And he goes, hey, you need to say you make the best meatballs. +[406.400 --> 408.560] You have the best Italian food. +[408.560 --> 410.240] And if someone says, no, I make the best meatballs. +[410.240 --> 411.240] Mel Robbins. +[411.240 --> 412.240] Now we got to cook off. +[412.240 --> 413.240] And we've got media there. +[413.240 --> 414.640] You and I love our media. +[414.640 --> 418.400] And inspiring people to look at their world in a different way with what we know. +[418.400 --> 419.880] And I was like, what am I an expert at? +[419.880 --> 422.120] And today they call it manifesting. +[422.120 --> 423.560] And so I was like, what am I an expert at? +[423.560 --> 425.200] What do I need to claim it? +[425.200 --> 426.200] What is it? +[426.200 --> 428.040] And I went to work the next day at ATF in DC. +[428.040 --> 429.360] I'm from Boston originally. +[429.360 --> 430.280] I lived all over the country. +[430.280 --> 432.640] Seattle, Georgia, West Virginia. +[432.640 --> 436.280] And worked at the World Trade Center in New York City. +[436.280 --> 437.360] And I went to work. +[437.360 --> 439.400] Ben Peters always gets a bagel with me. +[439.400 --> 442.200] He comes in and I go, Ben, shut the door. +[442.200 --> 443.640] Going on, I got on a how to tell you this. +[443.640 --> 444.680] But I'm leaving ATF. +[444.680 --> 446.640] I'm a New York Times best selling author. +[446.640 --> 449.560] I go on TV shows all the time. +[449.560 --> 451.480] I'm in quoted magazines and books. +[451.480 --> 455.320] I'm the go-to body language detecting deception expert for the media. +[455.320 --> 456.160] He was winded this half. +[456.160 --> 459.640] And I go 9.35 pm last night. +[459.640 --> 465.600] Two weeks later, I was on Fox News with Tony Snow, who later became the press secretary +[465.600 --> 467.720] for George W. Bush. +[467.720 --> 472.800] And then I put that on a website, LionTamer, L-Y-I-N, because I could tell if you're +[472.800 --> 475.640] Lion, LionTamer.com. +[475.640 --> 477.760] Four months later, the Today Show sees it. +[477.760 --> 480.840] There were three body language experts that had site websites then. +[480.840 --> 482.520] They dug my vibe or whatever. +[482.520 --> 485.320] My Boston Moxie, I call it, though. +[485.320 --> 487.320] And I've been on the Today Show. +[487.320 --> 488.760] I don't know, over 100 times. +[488.760 --> 489.760] Dr. Oz, Rachel Ray. +[489.760 --> 492.520] The rest is Rachel Ray, sidebar really quick. +[492.520 --> 494.440] I'm like, what show do I want to get on next? +[494.440 --> 496.440] I'm like, oh, this Rachel Ray chick. +[496.440 --> 500.400] She's kind of taken off this back in the day, you know, 20 years ago. +[500.400 --> 505.120] And I wrote to every single story they had coming up, like, hey, are you meeting your +[505.120 --> 506.120] future in-laws? +[506.120 --> 507.120] We'd like to talk to you. +[507.120 --> 508.880] Do you think your kids smoke? +[508.880 --> 510.760] And I'm like, I'm the human lie detector. +[510.760 --> 513.480] They call me the LionTamer, because I could tell if you're lying. +[513.480 --> 515.120] And I pitched them. +[515.120 --> 521.760] See, my degree in college was English communications, and I had a concentration in public relations. +[521.760 --> 523.720] And they taught me how to write press release. +[523.720 --> 524.720] People say, who's your press age? +[524.720 --> 527.600] And I go North Adam State College in the Berkshire. +[527.600 --> 530.080] So now call Massachusetts College and liberal arts. +[530.080 --> 532.920] They are my PR agent. +[532.920 --> 538.200] I wrote to 12, my son who's now 17 and 6'1 was a baby. +[538.200 --> 541.760] And I wrote to every single pitch, like every single upcoming show. +[541.760 --> 545.920] And then that was a Wednesday mail, and you at home, on Friday my phone rang. +[545.920 --> 548.840] Janine Driver, this is Maggie Barnes, the Rachel Ray Show. +[548.840 --> 555.320] And I said, swear to God, Maggie, I've been expecting your phone call. +[555.320 --> 560.640] And on that show, I flirting show, a woman who was very successful, educated smart, wealthy, +[560.640 --> 562.920] had her own place, couldn't get a second date. +[562.920 --> 567.720] They sent me in like Ashen Coocher, I like Spide on her body language. +[567.720 --> 570.400] Mel Romance was to say, Rachel Ray surprises the girl. +[570.400 --> 574.240] Her name's Nicole, now married, and still a friend of mine. +[574.240 --> 578.520] Surprise is Nicole brings out her favorite date, but the producers messed up. +[578.520 --> 580.680] They didn't have a seat for him. +[580.680 --> 583.640] So Rachel Ray gave her seat to him. +[583.640 --> 584.760] She sat on my lap. +[584.760 --> 589.400] I had red spiky hair, like the heat miser. +[589.400 --> 595.840] And a guy is turning the channel, who is a literary agent, Dan Lazar, says, why is Rachel +[595.840 --> 598.760] Ray sitting on that red-headed lady's lap? +[598.760 --> 600.080] What is this all about? +[600.080 --> 601.080] I got a book deal. +[601.080 --> 605.400] They went into a bidding war and ultimately, a random house bought my first book, Usain +[605.400 --> 606.400] When You Think. +[606.400 --> 609.360] So that's how I got to where I am, the rest of the history. +[609.360 --> 612.880] Now my job is to inspire people that you're listening to your podcast, to look at their +[612.880 --> 614.160] world in a different way. +[614.160 --> 615.480] I take any limited beliefs. +[615.480 --> 619.440] I believe in manifesting, because I'm living proof that it works. +[619.440 --> 623.440] You plant, hey Mel, you plant pumpkin seeds, what is it grow? +[623.440 --> 624.760] Pumpkin. +[624.760 --> 627.240] You plant tomato seeds, what is it grow? +[627.240 --> 628.240] Tomatoes? +[628.240 --> 629.240] Yeah. +[629.240 --> 631.080] People get what they grow. +[631.080 --> 632.160] They get what they plant. +[632.160 --> 633.400] You grow what you plant. +[633.400 --> 635.320] So I'm very positive. +[635.320 --> 637.640] I teach something called statement analysis. +[637.640 --> 640.240] I never say don't run in the street. +[640.240 --> 641.240] Don't touch that. +[641.240 --> 642.560] I say what I want, not what I don't want. +[642.560 --> 646.080] I say hey, hey, hey, out of the kitchen, everyone stay in the living room. +[646.080 --> 647.080] Don't touch that. +[647.080 --> 648.080] Don't touch that. +[648.080 --> 649.080] I say hands off. +[649.080 --> 653.640] We need to, I believe, flip the scripts and plant positive seeds if you want to manifest +[653.640 --> 654.640] goodness. +[654.640 --> 655.640] So that's who I am. +[655.640 --> 656.880] That's my background. +[656.880 --> 662.560] Well, Janine, couple, that was a, my mind is still processing. +[662.560 --> 670.320] So I want to go back and ask you, you said there are three types of people who learn to +[670.320 --> 672.080] read body language. +[672.080 --> 673.440] Are they? +[673.440 --> 674.440] People who are abused. +[674.440 --> 676.680] By the way, that was called an open loop. +[676.680 --> 680.480] An open loop is when you give a little bit of information and not the rest and it makes +[680.480 --> 683.240] people riveted and it creates an open loop in their head. +[683.240 --> 689.040] We still wonder if you know, Chandler and Monica are still married, you know, in this pretend +[689.040 --> 693.040] world of friends, you know, did Rachel and Ross ever get married, right? +[693.040 --> 694.280] These open loops. +[694.280 --> 697.320] So I love that you brought me back to close this loop for people. +[697.320 --> 700.320] One is kids who are abused in some type of way. +[700.320 --> 701.520] Two. +[701.520 --> 705.640] People like the Secret Service who are trained every single day to look for the anomalies, to +[705.640 --> 707.440] look for what doesn't fit. +[707.440 --> 711.080] You would think schoolteaches and therapists and judges would be good at detecting deception +[711.080 --> 712.080] and they are not. +[712.080 --> 713.080] Why? +[713.080 --> 716.280] They're not trained every day to what to look for. +[716.280 --> 717.280] They don't know. +[717.280 --> 718.920] I'll give you a quick sidebar here. +[718.920 --> 722.840] There's a hand gesture that turns agreement to disagreement and no one's ever told us what +[722.840 --> 723.840] it is now. +[723.840 --> 724.840] And it's easy. +[724.840 --> 725.840] It's the easiest thing. +[725.840 --> 730.440] So I say to you, you go, hey Janine, next time I'm in DC, I'd love to, let's go to dinner, +[730.440 --> 731.440] right? +[731.440 --> 733.240] Maybe you say, let's get iced tea. +[733.240 --> 734.960] And I go, okay Mel, that sounds great. +[734.960 --> 736.480] And I nod my head yes. +[736.480 --> 738.600] I'm saying yes. +[738.600 --> 742.520] But I take my hand and I touch the back of my head at the same time. +[742.520 --> 744.360] And I go, yeah, that sounds great Mel. +[744.360 --> 745.360] Sure. +[745.360 --> 746.360] Absolutely. +[746.360 --> 747.360] Yeah, let's get together. +[747.360 --> 748.800] Or that's what men tend to do. +[748.800 --> 752.360] Women will go to the neighbor of our neck and we lift our hair up for those of you who +[752.360 --> 755.280] are listening and they may be not seeing us right now. +[755.280 --> 760.480] And when someone says yes and they shake their head yes, but they touch their head at the +[760.480 --> 764.080] same time, that's called a high level pacifier. +[764.080 --> 767.120] That's indicating there's something they're uncertain about. +[767.120 --> 770.320] So maybe when you say, hey, when you come to town, when I come to town Janine, let's go +[770.320 --> 771.640] out for steak. +[771.640 --> 774.440] And I go, okay, yeah, that sounds good, but I just became a vegan. +[774.440 --> 779.240] Or I do in a minute fasting and I don't eat three days a week now. +[779.240 --> 785.520] It's just telling you, my definite yes actually has a nonverbal maybe. +[785.520 --> 786.520] There's a problem. +[786.520 --> 790.840] I say it's like you open to file cabinet in a file of something I'm not telling you. +[790.840 --> 792.400] This like top secret file. +[792.400 --> 794.080] And all we need to do is say, maybe I'm wrong here. +[794.080 --> 796.440] It seems to me there's something you're uncertain about. +[796.440 --> 798.040] Well, I just became vegan Mel. +[798.040 --> 799.840] Can we get something vegan? +[799.840 --> 800.840] Wow. +[800.840 --> 801.840] What? +[801.840 --> 803.080] No one taught us this. +[803.080 --> 808.560] This is why judges and teachers and therapists don't know because no one's teaching us, you +[808.560 --> 813.160] know, we're not teaching this emotional intelligence aspect in schools, sadly. +[813.160 --> 815.640] And so one of my big things is I speak to schools for free. +[815.640 --> 820.080] I do Zoom calls for schools, middle schools and high schools and colleges for free because +[820.080 --> 822.600] I want human beings to know what I know. +[822.600 --> 826.760] So we can, you know, I'm about kindness and love and positivity. +[826.760 --> 833.080] So, so the third group, people are abused, kids are abused, people are trained what to +[833.080 --> 837.080] look for like the secret service all day long, what's that anomaly. +[837.080 --> 842.120] And the third group is people have had a left brain stroke and the right brain takes +[842.120 --> 843.320] over. +[843.320 --> 846.800] So people have left brain stroke, the right brain takes over, which is the nonverbals +[846.800 --> 850.200] in spotting these little teeny movements that people make. +[850.200 --> 851.200] Wow. +[851.200 --> 853.440] But you can train yourself to be better on it. +[853.440 --> 856.400] Well, I say you can't unsee it, unheared, unexperience it. +[856.400 --> 860.560] So when we're talking Mel and I, and if I share something with you, I want you to try it +[860.560 --> 861.560] on. +[861.560 --> 863.240] If you're watching, you just saw Mel did it. +[863.240 --> 867.360] So everyone, either wherever you are in your car or the gym, just say, yeah, that sounds +[867.360 --> 868.360] really good. +[868.360 --> 871.360] Janina, love to get together and pat your head, pat the back of your head. +[871.520 --> 874.880] You're literally like going, I'm lying to you because I really don't want to. +[874.880 --> 879.720] As I'm petting my hair or I'm touching my neck, I bet you see this a lot on first dates +[879.720 --> 882.320] where somebody's trying to get it to a second date. +[882.320 --> 884.800] And they're like, I think we should do this again. +[884.800 --> 887.560] And you probably see people nodding going, yeah, that'd be great. +[887.560 --> 888.760] And then they go and touch their neck. +[888.760 --> 890.280] And that means yeah, not really. +[890.280 --> 891.320] Well, here's the deal. +[891.320 --> 893.960] I'm recently single got divorced a couple years ago. +[893.960 --> 895.280] Father grace a God. +[895.280 --> 896.840] But we get along great. +[897.840 --> 904.040] When I see a guy doing that on a date, I immediately think to myself, Janine driver, +[904.040 --> 905.560] stop talking. +[905.560 --> 906.800] I talk nonstop. +[906.800 --> 912.520] And my goal for 2023 going beyond is to be interesting. +[912.520 --> 916.400] I mean, to be interested more than being interesting. +[916.400 --> 921.680] And I find myself often sharing this cool stuff that I know and not being interested. +[921.680 --> 924.560] So for the talkers or the extra, I'm an extrovert introvert. +[924.560 --> 929.040] But if you're listening, you know, Dr. Phil would say, how's that working out for you? +[929.040 --> 930.040] Right? +[930.040 --> 932.040] I want to be interested more than interesting. +[932.040 --> 936.240] So when I see pacifying gestures like this high level, the higher the pacifier, the more +[936.240 --> 937.240] stress anxiety. +[937.240 --> 938.880] Britney Spears lied. +[938.880 --> 943.240] Britney Spears said that, you know, Matt Lauer, he's a real peach. +[943.240 --> 945.800] But Matt Lauer said, you're pregnant and divorcing. +[945.800 --> 947.320] That's what the reg mag say. +[947.320 --> 948.440] She said, none of that's true. +[948.440 --> 949.960] And rubbed her leg. +[949.960 --> 953.760] Two weeks later, she filed for divorce from her husband at the time, Kevin, federal +[953.760 --> 954.760] family. +[954.760 --> 960.200] So this pacifying happens all parts of her body, but the higher the pacifier, the more stress +[960.200 --> 961.520] and anxiety. +[961.520 --> 962.520] Why? +[962.520 --> 963.760] Our brain is in here. +[963.760 --> 967.280] These high level face pacifiers are indicating stress. +[967.280 --> 968.920] Think about people rubbing their eyes. +[968.920 --> 972.960] So right now, if everyone just touches your eye and your boss says to you, your boyfriend, +[972.960 --> 975.880] hey, let's go to a rubah instead of going skiing this year. +[975.880 --> 977.080] And you go, okay, not a problem. +[977.080 --> 981.400] Or your boss says, hey, can you get this done by Monday and it's Friday at 5 o'clock, +[981.400 --> 982.400] right? +[982.400 --> 983.400] Okay, boss, not a problem. +[983.400 --> 986.600] And you touched the part of your eye. +[986.600 --> 989.920] Babies when they're crying, Mal, you're a mom, I'm a mom. +[989.920 --> 993.440] Maybe you had home or a mom or you're once a kid for sure. +[993.440 --> 996.640] Babies just before they fall asleep, they rub their eyes. +[996.640 --> 997.640] That's right. +[997.640 --> 998.640] They do. +[998.640 --> 1002.040] When we touch our eyes, there is a nerve behind our eye. +[1002.040 --> 1003.040] You could Google it. +[1003.040 --> 1006.000] I showed it in my class, an FMRI study was done. +[1006.000 --> 1011.240] When you touch your eye, it then affects this nerve that tickles our brain and dumps dopamine +[1011.240 --> 1012.240] in our body. +[1012.240 --> 1014.840] And dopamine has us fall asleep. +[1014.840 --> 1018.800] So when you wake up in the morning, the last thing you should do is rub your eyes because +[1018.800 --> 1023.320] I know you're not a snooze person, Mal, you don't hit that snooze button, go, go, go, +[1023.320 --> 1024.320] go, right? +[1024.320 --> 1027.120] And you talk about what happens when you go back into, you are even more tired and grumpy +[1027.120 --> 1031.920] and all your amazing information you share with us in the world. +[1031.920 --> 1033.120] So don't rub your eye. +[1033.120 --> 1036.800] The better thing is to rub, throw cold water on your face. +[1036.800 --> 1039.360] You could literally dunk your face in cold water. +[1039.360 --> 1043.080] It's called the scuba diving effect and it will stimulate you. +[1043.080 --> 1046.800] If you're in a meeting or on a date and someone starts touching their eye, it's likely +[1046.800 --> 1047.800] stress has increased. +[1047.800 --> 1049.760] By the way, Putin even does this. +[1049.760 --> 1053.880] So Putin, this master manipulator, people saying his praise is about how great he is +[1053.880 --> 1058.160] it not being spotted when he's deceptive or stressed. +[1058.160 --> 1060.640] He'll touch his eyes as well under high stress. +[1060.640 --> 1063.920] So in a meeting, it says to me, subconsciously, right? +[1063.920 --> 1065.640] It connects to us as a baby. +[1065.640 --> 1067.960] We don't realize we're touching our eye. +[1067.960 --> 1072.040] But your brain is getting so stressed in your body that you're dumping dopamine to say +[1072.040 --> 1073.040] it's okay. +[1073.040 --> 1074.040] It's okay. +[1074.040 --> 1078.520] President Obama, if you're on the other side and you like Trump, right? +[1078.520 --> 1079.720] You see world leaders. +[1079.720 --> 1081.280] You see corporate titans. +[1081.280 --> 1086.960] When they do this, I show a video of the president of Mexico when Obama was president here. +[1086.960 --> 1091.520] The president of Mexico said, Obama, President Obama in the United States can help us. +[1091.520 --> 1095.200] I believe they can help us curb the cartel problem in our country. +[1095.200 --> 1098.680] And when he says it, he does a bunch of body language that indicates uncertainty and +[1098.680 --> 1100.120] then touches his inner eye. +[1100.120 --> 1101.120] Wow. +[1101.120 --> 1105.760] And I show that to my keynote presentations and I say, how confident is he that Obama and +[1105.760 --> 1107.080] the United States can help? +[1107.080 --> 1108.720] And they burst out laughing. +[1108.720 --> 1117.880] So you've spent decades studying murders, liars, world leaders, becoming an expert at decoding +[1117.880 --> 1120.280] this hidden language. +[1120.280 --> 1122.080] What do we need to know? +[1122.080 --> 1123.880] Like in our everyday lives. +[1123.880 --> 1129.360] What are the basics that you want everybody to be equipped with so that we can spot when +[1129.360 --> 1134.880] people are lying, so that we can spot these signals that somebody is giving to us and +[1134.880 --> 1137.680] be more empowered in life. +[1137.680 --> 1139.360] Where do we even begin, Janine? +[1139.360 --> 1141.640] That's a great question, Mel. +[1141.640 --> 1145.120] First, I would start with us before decoding others, right? +[1145.120 --> 1150.680] So emotional intelligence is self-awareness, social awareness, self-adaptation, motivating +[1150.680 --> 1152.360] others to be the best version of themselves. +[1152.360 --> 1155.720] So let's start with self-awareness. +[1155.720 --> 1159.120] When it comes to ourselves, what is a lot's happening? +[1159.120 --> 1160.720] I call it a behavioral fingerprint. +[1160.720 --> 1162.720] What's your behavioral fingerprint? +[1162.720 --> 1164.040] What's your movement DNA, look? +[1164.040 --> 1165.040] I have no idea. +[1165.040 --> 1166.840] Well, you're so dynamite. +[1166.840 --> 1167.840] You're kidding. +[1167.840 --> 1173.040] You listen, you're making a bagel in your kitchen or whatever. +[1173.040 --> 1174.520] And then you say some sound bite. +[1174.520 --> 1178.440] It goes, millions of people are watching it and lives are being changed because of it. +[1178.440 --> 1179.440] Your body language is great. +[1179.440 --> 1180.440] You're very authentic. +[1180.440 --> 1182.000] And here's why. +[1182.000 --> 1183.720] If we can, I love trees. +[1183.720 --> 1186.160] And if you at home can imagine a tree. +[1186.160 --> 1188.480] There's the four stages of how we communicate. +[1188.480 --> 1192.480] And if you think of a tree, Mel and you at home, is that we're going to start with the +[1192.480 --> 1193.480] roots of the tree. +[1193.480 --> 1196.400] The roots of the tree is what we believe. +[1196.400 --> 1201.600] I spoke at Georgetown University and someone said a woman at the end of my presentation, +[1201.600 --> 1205.840] yeah, excuse me, I have a group interview tomorrow, five people are interviewing me. +[1205.840 --> 1209.360] Janine, is there a question you would ask at the end of the interview? +[1209.360 --> 1214.160] And I said, yes, I would ask to each of them, what do you consider the ideal candidate +[1214.160 --> 1215.160] to look like? +[1215.160 --> 1218.880] And how do I measure up to your expectation of the ideal candidate? +[1218.880 --> 1220.920] And the woman had you all been there? +[1220.920 --> 1223.720] You would have seen her and heard her say, oh, I could never ask that. +[1223.720 --> 1224.880] I would look desperate. +[1224.880 --> 1228.120] And you would have heard me respond, you're right. +[1228.120 --> 1229.440] You would look desperate. +[1229.440 --> 1232.960] I would look confident. +[1232.960 --> 1234.720] Is that because of the roots? +[1234.720 --> 1235.880] It's because of the roots of the tree. +[1235.880 --> 1238.800] It's what I believe because I really want to know that question. +[1238.800 --> 1243.280] A lot of us, for the women who are listening, a lot of us women, we really do ourselves a +[1243.280 --> 1244.800] huge disservice. +[1244.800 --> 1249.920] Men go in and men say, excuse me, now I just found out my mother's coming to town, 4th +[1249.920 --> 1254.680] of July, I'm taking four days off, confident, solid body language. +[1254.680 --> 1259.240] Women, we ask the same question that same day, we will often many of us come in shoulder +[1259.240 --> 1260.240] shrugging. +[1260.240 --> 1264.320] And we put our shoulders up to our ears, hey, boss, I just found out shoulder shrug that +[1264.320 --> 1266.320] my mother's coming to town shoulder shrug. +[1266.320 --> 1267.320] I didn't know she was coming. +[1267.320 --> 1269.560] Could I take the 4th of July off? +[1269.560 --> 1273.400] And your boss says, yes to Bob and no to Jane. +[1273.400 --> 1275.440] Jane asked me again in June. +[1275.440 --> 1277.400] And we walk away and say, this is what happens. +[1277.400 --> 1278.840] It's a double standard. +[1278.840 --> 1282.000] Now I'm not saying there's not a double standard with men and women because there is. +[1282.000 --> 1287.640] But there are some areas where we have to take responsibility for the results we're getting. +[1287.640 --> 1289.520] And here's the right reason. +[1289.520 --> 1292.440] When we shoulder shrug, we're going to talk about this hopefully in a bit. +[1292.440 --> 1295.680] But a shoulder shrug means uncertainty and it's also connected to deception, which we'll +[1295.680 --> 1297.920] talk about hopefully in a minute. +[1297.920 --> 1299.880] But a shoulder shrug means uncertainty. +[1299.880 --> 1307.800] And we have mirror neurons, you, Jan, Mal or Donna or Jesse or Aene or Andrea, whoever's +[1307.800 --> 1311.520] listening, you, Jan, I, Jan, science. +[1311.520 --> 1312.520] Now I know you love science. +[1312.520 --> 1315.640] I know you love what's happening in the brain and how the brain in the body are talking +[1315.640 --> 1317.880] to one another because they are. +[1317.880 --> 1323.280] So when I come in uncertain, how am I making my boss feel, Mal? +[1323.280 --> 1324.280] Uncertain. +[1324.280 --> 1325.760] And they probably don't even realize it. +[1325.760 --> 1330.320] Like you, I've been watching a bunch of your TED talks and you did this exercise with +[1330.320 --> 1336.200] the audience and we can do it with everybody listening where simply take a second and say +[1336.200 --> 1340.640] the words, can I have the fourth of July off while your shoulders are hiked up towards +[1340.640 --> 1347.120] your ears and you'll realize your entire body and energy is questioning the words that +[1347.120 --> 1348.280] are coming out of your mouth. +[1348.280 --> 1349.840] It's impossible, Janine. +[1349.840 --> 1350.840] You're absolutely right. +[1350.840 --> 1352.480] You never even thought about it. +[1352.480 --> 1359.480] Impossible to even feel confident if you're talking with your shoulders up at your ears. +[1359.480 --> 1360.960] You're shrugging them up. +[1360.960 --> 1365.320] Well, you're planting pumpkin seeds and expecting tomatoes to grow. +[1365.320 --> 1366.320] It's true. +[1366.320 --> 1369.120] I mean, it begins with the roots. +[1369.120 --> 1370.120] It is not our fault. +[1370.120 --> 1372.920] It's not your fault because no one is teaching us this. +[1372.920 --> 1376.280] Okay, we just want to be like, we don't want to be inconveniencing people. +[1376.280 --> 1377.600] We don't know for a bother. +[1377.600 --> 1381.720] But if you look at the many of the men are in confident alpha women, they just come in +[1381.720 --> 1382.720] unapologetically. +[1382.720 --> 1383.960] That's the roots of the tree. +[1383.960 --> 1385.880] What is it that you're planting? +[1385.880 --> 1389.920] Because what you're planting is going to grow whatever the seed is connected to. +[1389.920 --> 1391.240] So get to those roots of the tree. +[1391.240 --> 1392.240] It's what do you believe? +[1392.240 --> 1393.240] What's the second part? +[1393.240 --> 1394.240] The trunk. +[1394.240 --> 1395.240] Okay. +[1395.240 --> 1396.240] What's the second part? +[1396.240 --> 1397.240] Yes, the trunk of the tree is body language. +[1397.240 --> 1401.080] Now, this is interesting because after body language comes the branches. +[1401.080 --> 1404.880] The branches, Mel and you at home are the branches are thought. +[1404.880 --> 1410.960] So this means body language comes before thought. +[1410.960 --> 1412.280] And here's the deal. +[1412.280 --> 1415.320] It comes up to five seconds before thought. +[1415.320 --> 1419.480] Mel, do you think five seconds is a good advantage for the military? +[1419.480 --> 1421.720] Would five seconds matter? +[1421.720 --> 1423.440] It's life or death, I would think. +[1423.440 --> 1426.240] Do you think five seconds matter with an athlete? +[1426.240 --> 1428.640] It's winning or losing. +[1428.640 --> 1432.680] Can five seconds with you, with your 10 second rule, can five seconds make a difference? +[1432.680 --> 1433.680] Of course. +[1433.680 --> 1435.680] And a bed at five seconds? +[1435.680 --> 1437.680] Yes. +[1437.680 --> 1441.880] With understanding what I'm talking about now, first is the intention, the roots of the +[1441.880 --> 1445.600] tree, then body language, and then thought. +[1445.600 --> 1450.440] This means you get a five second advantage to know how someone else feels before their +[1450.440 --> 1453.040] brain knows how they feel. +[1453.040 --> 1458.360] This is why when I say, hey, Mel, I can't come and join you for Thanksgiving this year. +[1458.360 --> 1461.200] And you go not a problem, Janine, and your lips disappear. +[1461.200 --> 1466.000] Then pull your lips in and just say, not a problem, I don't mind. +[1466.000 --> 1467.800] And pull your lips in. +[1467.800 --> 1468.800] Okay. +[1468.800 --> 1470.000] Make them disappear. +[1470.000 --> 1471.000] Make them disappear. +[1471.000 --> 1473.120] And so Malgo is not a problem, Janine. +[1473.120 --> 1476.880] I say when we don't like what we see here, our lips disappear. +[1476.880 --> 1479.280] Or a lip roll is emotional control. +[1479.280 --> 1480.280] What's a lip roll? +[1480.280 --> 1481.280] That's this. +[1481.280 --> 1485.280] Oh, so rolling those lips in. +[1485.280 --> 1486.280] Okay. +[1486.280 --> 1488.600] So Mel says not a problem. +[1488.600 --> 1490.160] I now have a five second advantage. +[1490.160 --> 1493.840] I know there is a problem because Mel's lips disappear. +[1493.840 --> 1497.160] And when we don't like what we see here, our lips disappear. +[1497.160 --> 1499.640] So I know there is a problem. +[1499.640 --> 1501.400] I know my dad's a hothead. +[1501.400 --> 1505.240] When I see my dad's lips disappear, I've got five seconds to get my kids in the truck +[1505.240 --> 1507.040] and get the heck out of Maine. +[1507.040 --> 1510.760] And my dad's cottage before my kids see the angry dad that I grew up with because they +[1510.760 --> 1512.160] don't believe he exists. +[1512.160 --> 1513.160] Right? +[1513.160 --> 1514.160] So I have a five second of the day. +[1514.160 --> 1515.160] Let's go. +[1515.160 --> 1516.160] We got to go. +[1516.160 --> 1517.160] Go. +[1517.160 --> 1518.160] Yeah. +[1518.160 --> 1519.160] Move on out. +[1519.160 --> 1520.160] Move on out. +[1520.160 --> 1521.160] Move on out. +[1521.160 --> 1522.160] Really quick. +[1522.160 --> 1527.040] So I might stick around and say, Mel, maybe I'm wrong here, it seems that you're disappointed +[1527.040 --> 1529.240] or there's something you're not saying. +[1529.240 --> 1531.480] Five seconds later, I'm going to tell you what that person's going to say. +[1531.480 --> 1532.480] Yeah. +[1532.480 --> 1535.920] I am that because last year you were supposed to come and you backed out three days before +[1535.920 --> 1536.920] then. +[1536.920 --> 1542.960] You have a five second head start if you can decode body language because the body language +[1542.960 --> 1547.800] people are showing you, their brain doesn't realize how they feel just yet. +[1547.800 --> 1550.760] The body language shows up before the branches before that thought. +[1550.760 --> 1552.760] And the last one are the leaves. +[1552.760 --> 1555.880] The leaves of the tree, Mel, are the words. +[1555.880 --> 1559.720] And words matter because words plant the next seed. +[1559.720 --> 1560.960] The words matter. +[1560.960 --> 1564.040] What falls off the tree is planning that next seed. +[1564.040 --> 1568.760] I recently heard on TikTok and by the way, my friend said, you don't say you saw it on +[1568.760 --> 1569.760] TikTok. +[1569.760 --> 1572.440] You say you read it in the New York Times recently. +[1572.440 --> 1577.400] So I told my sons, my three sons, I go, I recently read in the New York Times in Jackie. +[1577.400 --> 1579.120] He's my wise guy, the little one. +[1579.120 --> 1583.520] He goes, yeah, I heard Terry Moore tell you when you see something on TikTok to say you +[1583.520 --> 1584.720] read it in the New York Times. +[1584.720 --> 1587.440] So what you're about to tell us, did you really see it on TikTok, Mom? +[1587.440 --> 1591.760] I'm like, damn you, Jackie and your whysness. +[1591.760 --> 1594.360] So here's what I heard on TikTok and maybe your listeners have heard it. +[1594.360 --> 1596.360] And maybe you've said it too. +[1596.360 --> 1598.960] Have you talked about the bees and the flies? +[1598.960 --> 1600.560] No. +[1600.560 --> 1608.320] So the bees are not flying around trying to convince the flies that honey tastes better +[1608.320 --> 1611.000] than shit. +[1611.000 --> 1612.240] So I'm going to repeat that. +[1612.240 --> 1622.320] The bees are not wasting time convincing flies that honey tastes better than shit. +[1622.320 --> 1625.400] I want a tribe of bees. +[1625.400 --> 1631.080] I still want to inspire and influence the world, but only for the flies who are interested +[1631.080 --> 1633.000] in tasting the honey. +[1633.000 --> 1636.000] I recently broke up with a guy that was dating named Jimmy. +[1636.000 --> 1637.000] He's amazing. +[1637.000 --> 1638.880] I'm five, nine, I'm thick. +[1638.880 --> 1639.880] He's six, six. +[1639.880 --> 1640.880] He's an animal, right? +[1640.880 --> 1643.800] It's the first time I ever felt small. +[1643.800 --> 1646.160] I finally started eating carbs again, dating Jimmy. +[1646.160 --> 1647.360] I'm like, I can date carbs. +[1647.360 --> 1649.520] I'm dating this giant. +[1649.520 --> 1654.000] And I had to break up with him because of what my mother would call his stinking thinking. +[1654.000 --> 1657.720] She is planting these seeds of negativity. +[1657.720 --> 1660.120] He's like, people are going to take advantage of your weakness. +[1660.120 --> 1662.960] You're going to mistake your kindness for weakness. +[1662.960 --> 1664.880] He's planting the wrong seeds for me. +[1664.880 --> 1665.960] I want a bee. +[1665.960 --> 1667.680] I don't want a fly. +[1667.680 --> 1668.680] So he's a fly. +[1668.680 --> 1671.920] So someone said to me, let's say she's been single for two years and you're in these dating +[1671.920 --> 1672.920] apps. +[1672.920 --> 1673.920] What's going on? +[1673.920 --> 1674.920] How can you still single? +[1674.920 --> 1677.240] I said, because I'm looking for bees. +[1677.240 --> 1681.520] I'm looking for bees or flies that want to hang out with bees. +[1681.520 --> 1682.520] That's what I'm looking for. +[1682.800 --> 1689.240] It goes back to the power of our words is creating what's coming next, right? +[1689.240 --> 1690.840] It's, what are you planting? +[1690.840 --> 1692.320] What are you planting? +[1692.320 --> 1693.320] Get out of your stinking thinking. +[1693.320 --> 1695.360] You have 17 seconds to stop complaining. +[1695.360 --> 1700.880] And research says you have to, after 17 seconds, you have to bring yourself a steam back up. +[1700.880 --> 1703.760] You have to say at least five positive things about yourself. +[1703.760 --> 1707.640] And if you, after 17 seconds, if you add on a negative thing, another negative thing, +[1707.640 --> 1709.000] you create momentum. +[1709.000 --> 1711.720] And when you create momentum, then it's hard to stop the negativity. +[1711.720 --> 1714.200] And you may talk about this, so excuse me if you do. +[1714.200 --> 1718.680] No, I'm just fascinated listening to everything that you're saying. +[1718.680 --> 1726.120] I want though to focus on how we can become better at spotting when somebody's lying +[1726.120 --> 1730.600] to us, at spotting, because I think that there's a lot of, you know, in the work that +[1730.600 --> 1738.680] you and I do, you often find somebody after the heartbreak, after the cheating, after +[1738.680 --> 1741.320] somebody has lied to you. +[1741.320 --> 1747.920] And what I would love for you to help us understand is how can we get better at spotting the +[1747.920 --> 1755.280] signs that based on decades of research, based on your expertise, the signs aren't lying. +[1755.280 --> 1759.000] Like we can lie to ourselves and we can make excuses for the way people are treating +[1759.000 --> 1760.640] us and we do all the time. +[1760.640 --> 1764.480] And you always say, stop listening to what people are saying and start looking at how they're +[1764.480 --> 1768.440] treating you because that's the truth about how they feel about you. +[1768.440 --> 1770.440] But the signs don't lie. +[1770.440 --> 1775.600] And half the time people shrugging their shoulders or folding in their lips or kind of sending +[1775.600 --> 1780.000] these body language signals, they don't even realize they're doing it because the signs +[1780.000 --> 1782.000] don't lie. +[1782.000 --> 1785.880] And so what are the big ones that we have to be aware of? +[1785.880 --> 1786.880] Yeah. +[1786.880 --> 1792.200] So if I can just put a cap on that last part of understanding yourself, there are body +[1792.200 --> 1795.120] language moves you can do to be seen as confident and powerful. +[1795.120 --> 1796.120] One is I'm doing it now. +[1796.120 --> 1799.320] You've seen it's called steepling and you'd see Mr. Burns do this. +[1799.320 --> 1802.280] It's fingertips to fingertips making like a church steeple. +[1802.280 --> 1804.600] When we steeple people, we intimidate people. +[1804.600 --> 1806.520] The higher the steeple, the more intimidation. +[1806.520 --> 1807.680] So it's a sign of confidence. +[1807.680 --> 1812.040] So a nice low steeple, especially if you're a woman in a meeting and men are like over +[1812.040 --> 1813.040] talking to you. +[1813.040 --> 1816.240] Instead of saying, let me finish with a palm down gesture like you're the police on a +[1816.240 --> 1818.880] raid, you're telling people to get on the ground. +[1818.880 --> 1824.000] If you just lean back and steeple, someone else at the table will quiet down the people +[1824.000 --> 1825.000] who are interrupting you. +[1825.000 --> 1829.120] So that when we steeple people, we intimidate people to sign of confidence. +[1829.120 --> 1831.360] Let me ask you a question about that. +[1831.360 --> 1835.440] So just so everybody listening gets us because I think this is critical. +[1835.440 --> 1841.000] You're in a meeting at work or you're at a family dinner or you're out with a bunch of +[1841.000 --> 1845.080] girlfriends or whatever and people are talking over you. +[1845.080 --> 1850.040] You're saying that instead of raising your hand or stop talking over me or continuing +[1850.040 --> 1851.040] to talk. +[1851.040 --> 1857.000] Lean back, you put your fingertips together and make kind of like a church steeple or +[1857.000 --> 1863.200] a triangle and you lean back in your chair and then you stare at the person who is talking +[1863.200 --> 1865.280] over you or what do you do? +[1865.280 --> 1869.760] Well, you can do, you can either stop looking at them or look at their forehead and you +[1869.760 --> 1871.120] would think that they don't feel it. +[1871.120 --> 1874.960] But when someone's being disrespectful, if you look at their forehead, it can change +[1874.960 --> 1875.960] it. +[1875.960 --> 1879.320] I don't want to get into some advanced stuff, but I'll tell you this. +[1879.320 --> 1884.320] When we talk to people, I talk out of my right eye into your left eye because you're +[1884.320 --> 1885.480] opposite me, right? +[1885.480 --> 1888.680] So I'm talking primarily out of my right eye. +[1888.680 --> 1891.040] All you mean, does matter if you're right or you're lefty. +[1891.040 --> 1893.720] We talk out of our right eye into your left eye. +[1893.720 --> 1897.840] If I want to intimidate you because I don't like your behavior or the inappropriate things +[1897.840 --> 1902.120] you're saying, my right eye will go diagonal to your right eye. +[1902.120 --> 1906.520] And when I, you can do this to a waitress and they come to take your order and you just +[1906.520 --> 1908.440] focus your right eye to their right eye. +[1908.440 --> 1911.960] So you're going to go diagonal and they'll start to pacify. +[1911.960 --> 1916.760] You'll see them fix their hair, touch their throat because it's this little hidden power +[1916.760 --> 1917.760] that we have. +[1917.760 --> 1919.120] So you can look at someone's forehead. +[1919.120 --> 1923.040] You can look out of your predominant right eye here as you're talking to someone's left +[1923.040 --> 1925.080] eye diagonal crossing. +[1925.080 --> 1929.080] And then that's deep or just stop looking at them all together and stop giving them your +[1929.080 --> 1930.920] attention. +[1930.920 --> 1936.360] And the steepling, someone else at the table, whether it's professional or personal, +[1936.360 --> 1940.200] say, hey, Mike, hey, Jeff, hey, Susan, stop interrupting her. +[1940.200 --> 1942.000] Let her finish. +[1942.000 --> 1945.360] I like to say, do you want to be right or do you want to be effective? +[1945.360 --> 1950.040] And the old days I would be like, mouthy, you know, and I'd be like, you know, attitudine. +[1950.040 --> 1951.520] But I would always leave. +[1951.520 --> 1955.000] I was always the bad guy walking out of the meeting and I got second being the bad guy and +[1955.000 --> 1957.400] I'm like, okay, I need to be more effective here. +[1957.400 --> 1958.600] My mother taught me steepling. +[1958.600 --> 1959.600] She was a nurse. +[1959.600 --> 1963.600] She's since passed and I had a boss that used to point and she'd be like, Richard, my +[1963.600 --> 1964.600] office. +[1964.600 --> 1970.080] Now, Marjorie should walk into this pool of people at desks and they became cartoon figures. +[1970.080 --> 1972.920] Their eyes popped out of their head and they looked full of fear. +[1972.920 --> 1974.640] And I call my mother as 25. +[1974.640 --> 1976.720] I was in the World Trade Center in New York. +[1976.720 --> 1979.400] And I go, mom, my boss does this aggressive thing. +[1979.400 --> 1981.280] If she does it to me, I'm mouthy. +[1981.280 --> 1984.040] You know, I'm going to lose my cool job with ATF. +[1984.040 --> 1988.460] My mother was a nurse for elderly homeless people, male and Boston, committee to end +[1988.460 --> 1991.700] elderly homelessness and at Mount Auburn Hospital in Cambridge. +[1991.700 --> 1994.940] I went home five foot two and five nine, she's a peanut. +[1994.940 --> 1996.140] She says, I want you to do this. +[1996.140 --> 1999.180] This is before I knew it was called steepling and fingertips to fingertips. +[1999.180 --> 2000.780] And I go, what's that called? +[2000.780 --> 2002.380] She says, I have no idea. +[2002.380 --> 2005.300] I just know when a doctor says my mom was Lorraine. +[2005.300 --> 2007.380] Lorraine, can I talk to you about the last patient? +[2007.380 --> 2009.460] She always feel like I'm in trouble. +[2009.460 --> 2013.540] So lo and behold, Colleen, my boss at the World Trade Center, did it to me two months +[2013.540 --> 2014.540] later. +[2014.540 --> 2015.540] Janine, my office. +[2015.540 --> 2016.540] She pointed at me. +[2016.540 --> 2017.540] It was aggressive. +[2017.540 --> 2020.660] I pulled out mom's move, which I now know is called steepling. +[2020.660 --> 2022.380] Oprah Winfrey does it all the time. +[2022.380 --> 2024.860] I walked casually behind Colleen with my steeple. +[2024.860 --> 2026.420] When I went into her office, had you been there? +[2026.420 --> 2029.020] You would have heard her say, do you know why I called you in my office? +[2029.020 --> 2031.660] And with my steeple in hand, I responded the way mom told me. +[2031.660 --> 2034.020] I said, I have a pretty good idea, Colleen. +[2034.020 --> 2038.540] She was why I go, I'm exceeding all your expectations. +[2038.540 --> 2039.940] As you might imagine, she's like, what? +[2039.940 --> 2041.860] I'll do that at the end of the year in an evaluation. +[2041.860 --> 2042.860] I got to spread it out. +[2042.860 --> 2044.580] I love attention from my boss. +[2044.580 --> 2045.580] Still steepling. +[2045.860 --> 2048.540] Every now and then, call me in and I'll come skipping in. +[2048.540 --> 2049.380] I come in early. +[2049.380 --> 2050.140] I stay late. +[2050.140 --> 2051.700] I know I'm exceeding your expectations. +[2051.700 --> 2053.580] Isn't that why you call me in? +[2053.580 --> 2054.500] She didn't know what to do. +[2054.500 --> 2056.140] I worked for her for three and a half years. +[2056.140 --> 2058.300] She never called me in her office again. +[2058.300 --> 2061.140] The reason she had called me in that day was to bully me. +[2061.140 --> 2062.820] And when I said, why did you call me in? +[2062.820 --> 2066.340] She said, oh, I just want to see how you're enjoying living in New York City. +[2066.340 --> 2067.740] She was a bully boss. +[2067.740 --> 2070.700] So if you have bully bosses and bully people in your life, +[2070.700 --> 2074.620] pull out that steeple because when you steeple people, you have power over people. +[2074.620 --> 2076.900] Does it work with a spouse or somebody or a dance ball? +[2076.900 --> 2078.100] Yes, and kids. +[2078.100 --> 2080.220] Yeah, they feel like they're in trouble. +[2080.220 --> 2081.220] Yes. +[2081.220 --> 2083.260] So if you want to make them feel like they're in trouble, and then you're not going to be pushed around, +[2083.260 --> 2084.980] be easily 100% steeple. +[2084.980 --> 2085.980] Steeple. +[2085.980 --> 2086.980] I love it. +[2086.980 --> 2089.540] It's almost like a little shield that you're creating. +[2089.540 --> 2094.140] It's like you can become your own superhero superpower when you steeple. +[2094.140 --> 2096.860] It's like Wonder Twins unite and they used to hit their fists. +[2096.860 --> 2099.540] Like you're now creating a force field. +[2099.540 --> 2102.340] You are in charge when you put the steeple up. +[2102.340 --> 2104.740] I absolutely love that. +[2104.740 --> 2105.740] I love it too. +[2105.740 --> 2107.060] Do you know Desiree Gruber? +[2107.060 --> 2108.060] Have you ever met her? +[2108.060 --> 2109.060] No. +[2109.060 --> 2110.220] So she's in New York City. +[2110.220 --> 2115.220] She came up with the idea marketing company of the Victoria Secret Fashion Show back in +[2115.220 --> 2116.220] the day. +[2116.220 --> 2118.420] And by the way, Victoria Secret initially didn't want it. +[2118.420 --> 2120.260] And then when they had it, it blew out the internet. +[2120.260 --> 2121.580] It was the first time the internet crashed. +[2121.580 --> 2123.580] It was the Victoria Secret Fashion Show. +[2123.580 --> 2125.460] And Victoria Secret wasn't happy at first. +[2125.460 --> 2127.180] And then the publicity exploded. +[2127.180 --> 2131.300] Victoria Secret Fashion Show with the wings and the lingerie. +[2131.300 --> 2132.860] Well she once sent me a picture. +[2132.860 --> 2136.900] She's a client and she sent me a picture of her steepling in the oval office in the White +[2136.900 --> 2140.900] House because she said she was nervous with all those heavy hitters. +[2140.900 --> 2143.900] So she brought her steeple out in the oval office. +[2143.900 --> 2145.940] Nancy Pelosi, all these people were there. +[2145.940 --> 2146.940] That's pretty cool. +[2146.940 --> 2147.940] That's pretty cool. +[2147.940 --> 2149.740] And so when you're nervous, steeple, you can fake it there. +[2149.740 --> 2151.940] And the other move I wanted to say is a chin grab. +[2151.940 --> 2154.460] Indra Nui is the former CEO of PepsiCo. +[2154.460 --> 2155.460] I love Indra Nui. +[2155.460 --> 2157.980] Google her if everyone doesn't know who she is. +[2157.980 --> 2158.980] Indian. +[2158.980 --> 2159.980] She was raised in India. +[2159.980 --> 2160.980] She's a sister. +[2160.980 --> 2165.060] Her mother used to every night at the dinner table have her and her sister debate. +[2165.060 --> 2166.620] You're running for president of the United States. +[2166.620 --> 2168.580] You're running for prime minister of Australia. +[2168.580 --> 2169.580] And they would debate. +[2169.580 --> 2171.580] She grows up, becomes a female CEO of PepsiCo. +[2171.580 --> 2172.580] Wow. +[2172.580 --> 2174.100] Maybe that's what I did wrong. +[2174.100 --> 2176.340] I've just been going get your elbows off the table. +[2176.340 --> 2177.580] So your kids. +[2177.580 --> 2180.100] So when she does an interview, look at Indra Nui. +[2180.100 --> 2181.100] She grabs her chin. +[2181.100 --> 2183.780] And I say when we grab our chin, we're about to win. +[2183.780 --> 2184.780] Take a picture of yourself. +[2184.780 --> 2186.260] How do you normally sit? +[2186.260 --> 2188.660] And now take a picture of yourself holding your chin. +[2188.660 --> 2190.380] Look how much more intelligent we look. +[2190.380 --> 2191.660] We look like we have a master's degree. +[2191.660 --> 2192.660] We look up. +[2192.660 --> 2193.660] We have it all figured out. +[2193.660 --> 2195.060] I literally look like I just won the Pulitzer Prize. +[2195.060 --> 2197.100] And here I figured I was joining. +[2197.100 --> 2199.260] I was holding my chin because it's very pointy. +[2199.260 --> 2200.260] I don't really like it. +[2200.260 --> 2201.500] So I'm kind of hiding it. +[2201.500 --> 2203.500] But it does look very... +[2203.500 --> 2205.100] What can I tell you about your pointy chin? +[2205.100 --> 2206.100] It means? +[2206.100 --> 2207.100] Yeah. +[2207.100 --> 2208.100] What is my pointy chin? +[2208.100 --> 2209.100] Like a shovel. +[2209.100 --> 2210.100] And a pointy chin. +[2210.100 --> 2212.940] You can take something on the chin. +[2212.940 --> 2215.100] And a pointy chin is like a shovel. +[2215.100 --> 2216.580] And that you will fight for people. +[2216.580 --> 2217.580] You can fight. +[2217.580 --> 2219.180] You'll have that determination. +[2219.180 --> 2221.660] Is that that chin right there. +[2221.660 --> 2222.660] And so... +[2222.660 --> 2223.660] Wow. +[2223.660 --> 2224.660] So can you... +[2224.660 --> 2227.580] I have to just tell you a quick story. +[2227.580 --> 2230.300] My husband was in the restaurant business. +[2230.300 --> 2236.340] We couldn't go out to another restaurant and actually have a nice date. +[2236.340 --> 2238.300] Because the man would be so preoccupied. +[2238.300 --> 2239.780] Oh, there's 40 seats. +[2239.780 --> 2240.780] There's this many waiter. +[2240.780 --> 2246.300] Like he was just in the language of running a restaurant. +[2246.300 --> 2250.140] So he was in reverse engineer what he does with his body language based on you telling +[2250.140 --> 2251.140] me that. +[2251.140 --> 2252.660] When you wanted to tell you what he does with his body language. +[2252.660 --> 2253.660] Yeah. +[2253.660 --> 2258.540] But what I was going to say is can you actually be with other people and not be decoding them? +[2258.540 --> 2261.020] Like that movie with Jim Carrey becomes God. +[2261.020 --> 2263.260] And he turns into sticky notes. +[2263.260 --> 2266.420] And then he turns into an email system. +[2266.420 --> 2268.300] Some things I can't unsee. +[2268.300 --> 2269.300] But I have ADD. +[2269.300 --> 2272.300] So sometimes I'm daydreaming and not paying attention. +[2272.300 --> 2277.660] So if you prime in advance to decode whoever you're with, then I'll see it all. +[2277.660 --> 2280.060] Otherwise I'm kind of not really paying. +[2280.060 --> 2283.580] I can't unsee what we're about to talk about, detecting deception. +[2283.580 --> 2286.820] I can't unsee the detecting deception hotspots I'm going to share with you. +[2286.820 --> 2288.380] I can't unnotice them. +[2288.380 --> 2289.660] So we'll go over those in a second. +[2289.660 --> 2291.580] But I want to reverse engineer what your husband does. +[2291.580 --> 2292.580] And I've never met him. +[2292.580 --> 2294.060] I don't know him. +[2294.060 --> 2296.620] I know about one business was doing well. +[2296.620 --> 2299.060] He opened up another one and then did so well and another one. +[2299.060 --> 2303.220] And then I know your story about the rocket. +[2303.220 --> 2304.820] So I wanted you to do a test. +[2304.820 --> 2309.180] And you at home, anyone who pays attention to all the details like Mel's husband, right? +[2309.180 --> 2310.580] All these little teeny details. +[2310.580 --> 2314.780] I want you to watch how they drink their water tonight at dinner or tomorrow at breakfast +[2314.780 --> 2315.780] or today at lunch. +[2315.780 --> 2319.740] Whatever time you're listening to this amazing Mel Robbins podcast. +[2319.740 --> 2322.060] And I'm going to tell you what they're going to do with their water. +[2322.060 --> 2323.060] These detail oriented people. +[2323.060 --> 2325.900] And by the way, I am not one of them. +[2325.900 --> 2330.060] Is when they drink their water Mel, now when you don't know is this with your husband, +[2330.060 --> 2331.060] what's his first name? +[2331.060 --> 2332.060] Chris. +[2332.060 --> 2333.060] Chris, all right. +[2333.060 --> 2335.540] He's going to drink his water. +[2335.540 --> 2340.620] When he puts the glass or the bottle on the table, he's going to watch it until it hits +[2340.620 --> 2341.940] the table. +[2341.940 --> 2345.380] When he goes to pick up the bottle, he's going to look at the bottle. +[2345.380 --> 2347.660] Keep looking at it as he grasps the bottle. +[2347.660 --> 2349.380] He's going to keep looking at it. +[2349.380 --> 2350.620] Grasp the bottle. +[2350.620 --> 2353.460] People like me who are not detail oriented. +[2353.460 --> 2356.580] What I do is I see the table. +[2356.580 --> 2358.100] I look down with the table. +[2358.100 --> 2361.140] I grab my bottle of water, but I'm still looking at you. +[2361.140 --> 2363.380] So I look just to see, oh, am I water still there? +[2363.380 --> 2366.500] I look at the water and then I look back at you and I pick it up without looking at the +[2366.500 --> 2367.820] water. +[2367.820 --> 2370.700] And now I'm looking at you and I put it down without looking at the table. +[2370.700 --> 2374.820] I figure gravity and the thing I just picked it up from are still there. +[2374.820 --> 2376.260] Detail oriented people. +[2376.260 --> 2377.940] They have a magnum glass. +[2377.940 --> 2381.700] It's like Inspector Chrisau or Sherlock Holmes. +[2381.700 --> 2388.700] And so when they talk to you, Jimmy Fallon, Amy Schumer, Jennifer Lawrence, their humor, +[2388.700 --> 2391.140] all three of those people are about the details. +[2391.140 --> 2394.180] They remember words from movies and words from songs. +[2394.180 --> 2396.140] Watch them in interviews. +[2396.140 --> 2397.140] They will talk. +[2397.140 --> 2398.300] They're like smart bombs. +[2398.300 --> 2400.300] So it's not just the water. +[2400.300 --> 2402.740] It's all their energy is directed in one area. +[2402.740 --> 2406.060] So Jimmy Fallon will talk and his hand points up and his eyes point up. +[2406.060 --> 2407.060] You see Jennifer Lawrence. +[2407.060 --> 2409.420] Hi, nice to meet you with a handshake in her head. +[2409.420 --> 2412.100] There are almost, I feel like I can't get away from their energy. +[2412.100 --> 2414.940] If you're talking to me and all of a sudden if Chris, your husband was doing this, I'd +[2414.940 --> 2416.780] be like, whoa, detail oriented, aren't you? +[2416.780 --> 2420.780] You like to research the research and then recommend more research. +[2420.780 --> 2422.900] And watch how they put the drinks down. +[2422.900 --> 2425.540] I'm speaking today at a company called Paylossity. +[2425.540 --> 2429.380] In two of their big executives, I watched them last night at their little cocktail hour +[2429.380 --> 2431.180] and I secretly videotaped them. +[2431.180 --> 2432.180] Oh my God. +[2432.180 --> 2433.780] Are you going to play it during your keynote? +[2433.780 --> 2436.140] Oh yeah, I went up and asked for permission today. +[2436.140 --> 2440.540] But as they drank their water, they watched it till it hit the table as if like, hi, I'll +[2440.540 --> 2441.540] be right back. +[2441.540 --> 2442.740] You made it. +[2442.740 --> 2444.340] And I said, a you detail oriented. +[2444.340 --> 2446.500] You love to research the research to executives. +[2446.500 --> 2448.620] They go, yes, how do you know that? +[2448.620 --> 2451.740] I go simply by how I watched you drink your water. +[2451.740 --> 2454.900] I said, if I put a coaster on the table, would it was crooked? +[2454.900 --> 2456.860] Would you adjust the coaster? +[2456.860 --> 2458.300] Both said 100%. +[2458.300 --> 2462.500] So in meetings, if you're listening in your business person, especially sales, make sure +[2462.500 --> 2465.460] you have coasters crooked on the table. +[2465.460 --> 2467.340] Now, some people aren't detail oriented. +[2467.340 --> 2469.340] It may just fix it because it's irritating. +[2469.340 --> 2472.820] But watch if they watch their glass when they put it to all the way till it hits the +[2472.820 --> 2473.820] table. +[2473.820 --> 2474.820] It's someone like me. +[2474.820 --> 2476.700] When it hits the table, my eyes are back on you. +[2476.700 --> 2477.900] It's not even looking at weird things. +[2477.900 --> 2480.140] What does that tell you about how to sell to them? +[2480.140 --> 2482.500] It says they want lots of two things. +[2482.500 --> 2485.060] One, they're going to want lots and lots of details. +[2485.060 --> 2486.060] That's number one. +[2486.060 --> 2491.180] Number two, in your emails, if you're detail oriented, your emails are probably too long. +[2491.180 --> 2493.260] And someone like me, I'm never going to read your emails. +[2493.260 --> 2495.420] I'm going to pick up the phone and call and say, okay, what do I need to know? +[2495.420 --> 2497.060] What's the address code? +[2497.060 --> 2498.380] Where is it? +[2498.380 --> 2502.700] What you need to do if your detail oriented in your emails or text messages at the top, +[2502.700 --> 2503.700] think like Twitter. +[2503.700 --> 2505.540] Here's what you must know. +[2505.540 --> 2507.540] Here's the three things you must know. +[2507.540 --> 2509.140] Additional information is below. +[2509.140 --> 2512.820] Someone like me who's not motivated by details, I don't look at the water when I put it down +[2512.820 --> 2514.220] or pick it up. +[2514.220 --> 2516.020] I need to do the opposite. +[2516.020 --> 2517.020] Here's what you need to know. +[2517.020 --> 2518.020] Boom, boom, boom. +[2518.020 --> 2523.500] Here's a link to additional information if you'd like to explore on your own. +[2523.500 --> 2525.100] Fun things to do while you're in Orlando. +[2525.100 --> 2526.100] Here's a link. +[2526.100 --> 2527.100] Hotel you can stay in Orlando. +[2527.100 --> 2528.100] Here's the link. +[2528.100 --> 2531.660] Broadway shows you can see in New York. +[2531.660 --> 2536.580] So if you understand people's behavioral fingerprints and there's a bunch of things, +[2536.580 --> 2539.100] maybe I'll come back and play again and answer questions. +[2539.100 --> 2540.500] You can sell to them differently. +[2540.500 --> 2542.300] You can raise the kids differently. +[2542.300 --> 2543.300] You can understand them. +[2543.300 --> 2547.540] There's seven billion people, seven or eight billion in the world. +[2547.540 --> 2551.180] Twenty-six billion different behavioral fingerprints. +[2551.180 --> 2552.980] Oh my God, now I'm overwhelmed. +[2552.980 --> 2554.500] You know which ones I want to focus on? +[2554.500 --> 2555.500] Yeah, deception. +[2555.500 --> 2556.500] Deception. +[2556.500 --> 2557.500] Here we go. +[2557.500 --> 2558.500] Shoulder shrug. +[2558.500 --> 2562.340] A shoulder shrug we talked about earlier is uncertainty. +[2562.340 --> 2565.580] When I say, hey, Mel, what do you want for lunch? +[2565.580 --> 2566.900] A salad of BLT? +[2566.900 --> 2567.980] I don't know. +[2567.980 --> 2568.980] What do you want? +[2568.980 --> 2571.340] A shoulder shrug makes sense there. +[2571.340 --> 2573.500] Your verbal says, I don't know. +[2573.500 --> 2575.060] And your nonverbal says, I don't know. +[2575.060 --> 2576.820] It's congruent. +[2576.820 --> 2583.260] But when I say, hey, Mel, your favorite TED Talk of Mine is blank. +[2583.260 --> 2589.020] When I shoulder shrug, it does not mean I don't like that talk. +[2589.020 --> 2591.940] But it does indicate there's something I'm uncertain about. +[2591.940 --> 2594.780] Ask me if I've cheated on my husband when I was married to him. +[2594.780 --> 2596.980] Did you ever cheat on your husband when you're married to him? +[2596.980 --> 2597.980] No. +[2597.980 --> 2600.180] Now, I said no. +[2600.180 --> 2604.180] And for people who are listening, I shrugged at the same time and that's why Mel's laughing. +[2604.180 --> 2606.180] But it doesn't mean I cheated. +[2606.180 --> 2611.580] See that shrug means Mel, you open to file in a cabinet that's this top secret of something +[2611.580 --> 2612.900] I don't want to share with you. +[2612.900 --> 2615.940] And maybe what I don't want to share is that he cheated on me. +[2615.940 --> 2618.140] And I'm called the human mind detector. +[2618.140 --> 2620.300] Hypothetically, he cheated on me. +[2620.300 --> 2623.460] Hypothetically, he went on Tinder two days before Christmas. +[2623.460 --> 2626.580] And my friend told me because he showed up in a cow. +[2626.580 --> 2627.660] Hypothetically. +[2627.660 --> 2633.140] So the shoulder shrug doesn't mean I'm canceling what I'm saying, but it does mean there's +[2633.140 --> 2635.100] something I'm uncertain about. +[2635.100 --> 2637.660] And I may not even realize it yet. +[2637.660 --> 2638.660] Why? +[2638.660 --> 2640.860] Because you have a five second advantage over my brain. +[2640.860 --> 2643.780] I don't even realize I'm uncertain about something right now. +[2643.780 --> 2648.100] But if you can spot it, you can simply say, I call it M-I-W formula. +[2648.100 --> 2649.100] Maybe I'm wrong. +[2649.100 --> 2650.420] Maybe I'm wrong here, Mel. +[2650.420 --> 2654.820] But it seems to me, it feels to me that you're uncertain about something. +[2654.820 --> 2658.020] And then let the person say, well, yeah, it just was in the bathroom. +[2658.020 --> 2662.020] And I overheard a woman saying her significant other stepping out on her. +[2662.020 --> 2663.020] And she's devastated. +[2663.020 --> 2665.140] And it's not my story to tell. +[2665.140 --> 2668.980] But when you asked if I cheated on my husband, you kind of open a file to just cheating +[2668.980 --> 2669.980] in general. +[2669.980 --> 2672.220] So that's why I was uncertain. +[2672.220 --> 2678.780] I noticed in a lot of your commentary in some of the major murder cases that you have +[2678.780 --> 2685.900] been an expert on, that shoulder shrugging while husbands in particular who went on to +[2685.900 --> 2691.860] be found guilty or confessing to murdering pregnant wives or members of their family that +[2691.860 --> 2696.900] during press conferences, you were picking up on shoulder shrugging. +[2696.900 --> 2697.900] Yes. +[2697.900 --> 2703.380] But in our lives, if you have somebody in your life that you think is lying to you, whether +[2703.380 --> 2708.860] it's a kid that you think is lying about what they were doing last night or a significant +[2708.860 --> 2713.940] other that you think might be cheating or might not be telling you the truth, is paying +[2713.940 --> 2719.460] attention to whether or not they just sort of inadvertently subconsciously raise their +[2719.460 --> 2721.780] shoulders as they're talking. +[2721.780 --> 2724.740] That is one clue that something's not right. +[2724.740 --> 2725.740] Yes. +[2725.740 --> 2726.980] Not only shoulders, though, Mel. +[2726.980 --> 2727.980] It's also hands. +[2727.980 --> 2733.500] So sometimes a hand shrug, it's also uncertainty or a mouth shrug like, I don't know what to +[2733.500 --> 2734.500] tell you. +[2734.500 --> 2738.100] So a hand shrug or shoulder shrug or this like mouth shrug where you can feel that someone's +[2738.100 --> 2740.740] uncertain, it's hard to describe it here. +[2740.740 --> 2743.020] It's indicating there's a hotspot here. +[2743.020 --> 2746.780] We don't know what the catalyst is, but there's certainly something I'd want to ask more questions +[2746.780 --> 2748.860] on with regard to this. +[2748.860 --> 2754.540] If you're confronting the people in your life, stop saying whatever you do, don't lie to +[2754.540 --> 2755.540] me. +[2755.540 --> 2757.860] The brain doesn't understand the word don't. +[2757.860 --> 2760.820] And so you're giving them an embedded command to lie to you. +[2760.820 --> 2765.900] And it's 30% about approximately hypnotic, more hypnotic than you're just saying, hey, +[2765.900 --> 2767.940] during this interview, please lie to me. +[2767.940 --> 2771.900] So what you want to say instead is what horses and negotiators stay. +[2771.900 --> 2772.900] And I have mentors. +[2772.900 --> 2773.900] I'm not a hostage negotiator. +[2773.900 --> 2778.420] I have a mentor, Jim Kavanaugh who is. +[2778.420 --> 2783.700] What they say is what you want instead is whatever you do today, I want you to tell me +[2783.700 --> 2784.700] the truth. +[2784.700 --> 2788.820] Tell me the truth or you don't because we don't hear don't, don't tell me the truth. +[2788.820 --> 2790.620] I know more than you think I know. +[2790.620 --> 2793.660] So I'm going to use that embedded command after the don't to say tell me the truth. +[2793.660 --> 2796.780] So I'm going to ask you some questions about where last night. +[2796.780 --> 2797.780] Okay. +[2797.780 --> 2801.740] And whether you tell me the truth or you don't pause, tell me the truth. +[2801.740 --> 2803.780] I know more than you think I do. +[2803.780 --> 2807.420] Now last night when you said you went out with your girlfriend, anyone else show up and +[2807.420 --> 2808.420] talk to you guys. +[2808.420 --> 2809.420] Absolutely. +[2809.420 --> 2810.420] I'm really scared. +[2810.420 --> 2812.420] I'm like shoulders down, lips out. +[2812.420 --> 2814.420] No, I don't know what I did. +[2814.420 --> 2815.420] I think I was here. +[2815.420 --> 2817.420] I think I was here. +[2817.420 --> 2818.420] So hold on. +[2818.420 --> 2826.780] I want to make sure that we get so you now are going to watch shoulder shrugs. +[2826.780 --> 2833.020] If you are feeling like something's off, if you are then going to open up the file and +[2833.020 --> 2839.900] explore more, you're counseling us number one to either start with I could be wrong. +[2839.900 --> 2840.900] Yes. +[2840.900 --> 2849.780] So I'm going to ask you a question and you're either going to tell me the truth or don't +[2849.780 --> 2851.900] tell me the truth. +[2851.900 --> 2853.140] It's the pause, right? +[2853.140 --> 2854.140] That's it. +[2854.140 --> 2859.860] The pause may hear the, tell me the truth as that because I heard you say tell me the truth +[2859.860 --> 2860.860] twice. +[2860.860 --> 2865.300] The don't sort of got swept under the rug, which is why I always said and got nervous. +[2865.300 --> 2866.300] Yes. +[2866.300 --> 2867.300] Yeah. +[2867.300 --> 2874.300] So I'm like, I say I'm hijacking your brain. +[2874.300 --> 2886.260] And then if I want to take it to the next level, I'm going to sign you a trait that I want +[2886.260 --> 2887.260] you to have. +[2887.260 --> 2889.140] You know, Mel, everyone out here tells me you're a truthful person. +[2889.140 --> 2890.140] Is this true? +[2890.140 --> 2891.140] Yes. +[2891.140 --> 2894.140] Although I'm now thinking, am I truthful? +[2894.140 --> 2897.380] I'm not a truthful, I'm truthful. +[2897.380 --> 2898.380] I'm sitting, sitting. +[2898.380 --> 2902.380] I mean, I literally, when you do this, because I think you're looking right eye to right +[2902.380 --> 2906.140] eye too, you're like commanding me. +[2906.140 --> 2910.380] So you can say to your kid or your spouse or somebody that works for you, everybody says +[2910.380 --> 2911.740] that you're a very truthful person. +[2911.740 --> 2912.980] Are you a truthful person? +[2912.980 --> 2917.300] You need to get them to say yes, because what you're creating is cognitive dissonance, +[2917.300 --> 2921.620] because if you know that you're not a truthful person, but I just said yes that I am, now +[2921.620 --> 2926.660] we've created this fancy term called cognitive dissonance, which is confusing to the brain. +[2926.660 --> 2927.660] And that's what we want. +[2927.660 --> 2933.700] So hostage negotiator, my hostage negotiator, mentor Jim Kavanaugh, said to David Kuresh, +[2933.700 --> 2937.340] if you're in the younger side and you don't know about this, was these branch, Davidian +[2937.340 --> 2942.340] Kyeonghpyeong, this cult out in Texas years ago, the 90s. +[2942.340 --> 2946.180] And he said to David Kuresh, David Kuresh was inside the compound on a pay phone, my hostage +[2946.180 --> 2949.780] negotiator, mentor, said, everyone out here says you're a man of your word. +[2949.780 --> 2951.380] Is this true? +[2951.460 --> 2953.380] Kuresh said yes. +[2953.380 --> 2957.980] Later when Jim Kavanaugh said, will you let women and children go if we get your words +[2957.980 --> 2960.820] read on the National Christian Radio Network? +[2960.820 --> 2963.540] Kuresh said yes, yes, what? +[2963.540 --> 2966.980] Because he had accepted the trait that he does what he says he's going to do, that he +[2966.980 --> 2971.900] is integrity, he let women and children go, two by two, he said like Noah's Ark. +[2971.900 --> 2977.420] When the other hostage negotiator came on from the FBI, no knock against the FBI, but +[2977.420 --> 2980.500] not one other person walked out of that building alive. +[2980.500 --> 2981.740] And it's not the FBI's fault. +[2981.740 --> 2987.900] It was Jim Kavanaugh built such great rapport with David Kuresh that he didn't want to +[2987.900 --> 2992.140] work with anybody else, but we had ATF agents die and so the FBI takes over. +[2992.140 --> 2995.220] And by the way, I'm not saying ATF, I used to work for ATF, I'm not saying they were +[2995.220 --> 2996.620] in the wrong 100%. +[2996.620 --> 2999.220] They lost the element of surprise, they lied all the way up to Janet Reno. +[2999.220 --> 3000.620] So I'm not saying that. +[3000.620 --> 3004.900] They were, I don't want to get into that political battle, but assigning people the traits +[3004.900 --> 3006.380] you want them to have. +[3006.380 --> 3009.660] My son, Angus, I went in and I said, you're addicted to video games, you're addicted to +[3009.660 --> 3010.660] video games. +[3010.660 --> 3012.900] How many times have you told your kids you're addicted to video games? +[3012.900 --> 3019.640] And then we wonder when they're 20 and 30, they're addicted to porn, gambling, cheating, +[3019.640 --> 3020.740] lying, alcohol. +[3020.740 --> 3025.500] Well, the most important person in their life, us, told them over and over and over again, +[3025.500 --> 3026.860] they're an addict. +[3026.860 --> 3031.620] So how can we rate now, assign ourselves a trait, I'm the world's greatest mom, honey, +[3031.620 --> 3033.460] and I just found out how to be even better. +[3033.460 --> 3034.620] We got to start with us. +[3034.660 --> 3036.340] We get to plant the seeds for us first. +[3036.340 --> 3037.700] We're great. +[3037.700 --> 3042.780] And then reframe and reset how we talk to our kids, say what we want, not what we don't +[3042.780 --> 3045.460] want, because it's, here's why it comes back to body language. +[3045.460 --> 3052.020] How we are talking to our kids and to ourselves is then going to influence the circle again, +[3052.020 --> 3054.620] what we believe about ourselves and then the body language and our actions. +[3054.620 --> 3057.900] So what do we say to them instead of you're addicted, you're playing too much. +[3057.900 --> 3061.460] I said to my son, Angus, hey, what game you playing? +[3061.460 --> 3062.620] Some zombie apocalypse. +[3062.620 --> 3063.620] I go, how do you play? +[3063.620 --> 3065.660] He have to kill the zombies or catch them. +[3065.660 --> 3066.660] He said both. +[3066.660 --> 3068.740] I go, so you understand the importance of balance. +[3068.740 --> 3069.580] Is that true? +[3069.580 --> 3072.580] Do you understand the importance of balance, Angus? +[3072.580 --> 3074.980] He said, yeah, I go, hey buddy, I thought so. +[3074.980 --> 3077.460] I go, even your teacher's telling me you're so good at balance. +[3077.460 --> 3080.140] You know, you're always on time and stuff because you're balancing your schedule throughout +[3080.140 --> 3081.140] the day. +[3081.140 --> 3082.140] Is that true, too? +[3082.140 --> 3083.140] It's cool. +[3083.140 --> 3084.140] Yeah. +[3084.140 --> 3085.140] Oh good. +[3085.140 --> 3086.780] I don't know if you know baby, but you've been playing video games for like four hours +[3086.780 --> 3088.540] and your two brothers are swimming in the pool. +[3088.540 --> 3090.140] Is it's been four hours? +[3090.140 --> 3091.140] I go, yeah. +[3091.140 --> 3092.140] How about we go swimming? +[3092.140 --> 3093.900] He goes, all right, all right. +[3093.900 --> 3094.980] And go, I mean, legit. +[3094.980 --> 3095.980] Go swimming. +[3095.980 --> 3099.700] So we are making our lives so much harder. +[3099.700 --> 3102.100] You know, and I think body language is great. +[3102.100 --> 3105.500] And I can teach you to steeple, but if you steeple, but you believe you have this limited +[3105.500 --> 3108.540] belief about yourself that you're not powerful and that you're a loser and they're going +[3108.540 --> 3112.220] to know you're trying to scam them with your confidence and it's very confident, then +[3112.220 --> 3115.380] your shoulders are going to be up and you're going to look like this like character, you +[3115.380 --> 3117.460] know, out of a Harry Potter movie. +[3117.460 --> 3119.660] So you've got to believe it. +[3119.660 --> 3120.660] You got to believe it. +[3120.660 --> 3122.820] You believe it. +[3122.820 --> 3131.740] If all you see is evidence that you failed or that you haven't believed in yourself or +[3131.740 --> 3136.660] that you've put everybody else first, like how do you create new roots? +[3136.660 --> 3137.660] Okay. +[3137.660 --> 3141.260] I call this a reset and I took a class with the woman and we'll get back to detecting +[3141.260 --> 3142.260] deception. +[3142.260 --> 3144.580] Hopefully, but I took a class half her on your podcast. +[3144.580 --> 3146.340] Her name is Andrea Quinn. +[3146.340 --> 3147.420] Now I'm from Boston. +[3147.420 --> 3149.340] We say Andrea. +[3149.340 --> 3150.540] She's from California. +[3150.540 --> 3151.540] She says Andrea. +[3151.540 --> 3152.540] She has a new book out. +[3152.540 --> 3153.540] Don't ask me the name. +[3153.540 --> 3154.540] I don't know. +[3154.540 --> 3155.940] Have your team look it up and we can shut it up, maybe. +[3155.940 --> 3157.540] So Andrea Quinn, I took this class. +[3157.540 --> 3162.980] She was out in the light and she calls these moments when we fail or people knock us down. +[3162.980 --> 3164.740] Good to know. +[3164.740 --> 3168.900] And if we can do a reset and she just calls them good to know, hey, Mal, I did not appreciate +[3168.900 --> 3174.580] you getting me back focused on detecting deception when I wanted to talk about leadership. +[3174.580 --> 3175.580] Good to know. +[3175.580 --> 3176.580] Good to know. +[3176.580 --> 3177.580] Good to know. +[3177.580 --> 3178.580] They're just a bunch of good to know. +[3178.580 --> 3180.100] One event called Camp Powerment. +[3180.100 --> 3188.420] It's a woman's based event and everyone sleeps in tents and I mean, little cabins and stuff. +[3188.420 --> 3191.820] And I spoke there for women wanting to like do a reset. +[3191.820 --> 3195.820] And I spoke there and at the end, sometimes people come up and they're hugging me or crying. +[3195.820 --> 3200.100] You know, I make money as a motivational keynote speaker, I'm body language and leadership +[3200.100 --> 3202.500] and all that sales and stuff. +[3202.500 --> 3204.220] And there's like 42 women in line. +[3204.220 --> 3205.220] I'm hugging them all. +[3205.220 --> 3208.540] I spoke for 45 minutes, but I think I hugged people for two hours. +[3208.540 --> 3213.620] The last woman, she had big circle glasses, black glasses, circle, right? +[3213.620 --> 3214.620] Short, spiky hair. +[3214.620 --> 3216.660] She had a cool vibe, I thought. +[3216.660 --> 3222.340] She came up to me and she said, hey, Janine, you were my roommate in your last class here +[3222.340 --> 3224.460] last year with Sarah. +[3224.460 --> 3225.700] And I'm like, oh my god, I love Sarah. +[3225.700 --> 3227.420] She says, yes, Sarah loves you too. +[3227.420 --> 3233.300] And she goes, I wanted to stay here and to talk to you because I just don't get it. +[3233.300 --> 3235.500] I saw a twite, you speak twice today. +[3235.500 --> 3238.620] I don't get what you're talking about, how it's interesting to people. +[3238.620 --> 3240.740] I don't like your personality. +[3240.740 --> 3246.100] I just don't get what my best friend who I've had for years likes about you. +[3246.100 --> 3250.940] Old Janine would have received that, taken it in, influenced my body language, how I +[3250.940 --> 3255.620] held myself, my limited beliefs, my roots would have been destroyed because thanks, Andrea +[3255.620 --> 3258.060] Quinn, I said to that woman, have you been there? +[3258.060 --> 3259.060] Good to know. +[3259.060 --> 3261.260] Anything else you want to share with me? +[3261.260 --> 3262.980] And I walked and wiped it off. +[3262.980 --> 3266.460] I spoke in an event called Know Your Value, Make A Brzezinski puts it together. +[3266.460 --> 3267.780] It's a woman's based event. +[3267.780 --> 3269.620] Before me was Sarah Jessica Parker. +[3269.620 --> 3271.300] I'm not saying this in a breaky way. +[3271.300 --> 3279.460] Sarah Jessica Parker, Martha Stewart and Bobby Brown, the make a partist. +[3279.460 --> 3280.460] They're before me. +[3280.460 --> 3284.340] And then I'm like, fat girl size 22 in the back of the room, right? +[3284.340 --> 3285.340] Coming up next. +[3285.340 --> 3288.700] And I got my stinkin' thing coming in. +[3288.700 --> 3291.060] Boy, they didn't get a standing ovation. +[3291.060 --> 3292.060] They were barely applauded. +[3292.060 --> 3293.660] If they don't like them, they're never going to like me. +[3293.660 --> 3294.660] No one even knows who I am. +[3294.660 --> 3297.260] I'm not even famous to that level yet. +[3297.260 --> 3300.020] And I go, Janine, pull your shoulders back. +[3300.020 --> 3304.980] The difference between Superman and Clark Kent is a two-inch posture difference. +[3304.980 --> 3308.300] Clark Kent, his shoulders are pulled forward. +[3308.300 --> 3309.900] We always say pull your shoulders back. +[3309.900 --> 3311.020] That's actually wrong. +[3311.020 --> 3312.260] You're never going to pull your shoulders back. +[3312.260 --> 3314.900] You actually look weird, like some type of a tea. +[3314.900 --> 3316.220] I just pulled my shoulders back. +[3316.220 --> 3318.540] The second you said there's a two-inch difference. +[3318.540 --> 3319.540] I'm like, okay, shoulders back. +[3319.540 --> 3321.020] I'm about to get interrogated. +[3321.060 --> 3322.540] We've been taught wrong. +[3322.540 --> 3323.540] Okay. +[3323.540 --> 3324.540] All right, what do we do? +[3324.540 --> 3326.540] If you pull your shoulders back, it's actually uncomfortable. +[3326.540 --> 3327.540] And you look weird. +[3327.540 --> 3332.180] Instead, I want you to think like Tony Stark, right? +[3332.180 --> 3334.780] So Tony Stark has, he has a circle of things. +[3334.780 --> 3336.260] Oh, yeah, for Iron Man. +[3336.260 --> 3337.260] Iron Man. +[3337.260 --> 3339.460] He's got this circle orb that keeps him alive on his chest. +[3339.460 --> 3340.460] Right. +[3340.460 --> 3342.460] I want you to imagine you have that in the center of your chest. +[3342.460 --> 3343.460] Okay. +[3343.460 --> 3344.620] And the laser beam shoots out of it. +[3344.620 --> 3348.700] If that laser beam, based on your posture, is going to hit the ground, then you're being +[3348.700 --> 3349.700] Clark Kent. +[3349.740 --> 3356.300] If you want to be Superman, where the wall meets the ceiling is a confident feeling. +[3356.300 --> 3360.780] So you just want to take that laser beam and lift your chest to where the wall meets +[3360.780 --> 3361.780] the ceiling. +[3361.780 --> 3364.180] Relax your shoulders. +[3364.180 --> 3366.300] Relax those, yeah, much better. +[3366.300 --> 3369.780] And as you're walking, you change how you are perceived. +[3369.780 --> 3370.780] So I'm backstage. +[3370.780 --> 3372.180] I'm in the back of the room. +[3372.180 --> 3374.100] I was coming in from the back. +[3374.100 --> 3377.180] And I'm after Martha Stewart and Sarah Diske Parker. +[3377.180 --> 3381.660] And I have my stinking thinking and you can't be negative more than 17 seconds. +[3381.660 --> 3383.500] After 17 seconds, I give my positivity. +[3383.500 --> 3384.500] I'm amazing. +[3384.500 --> 3385.500] I know cool stuff. +[3385.500 --> 3386.500] I'm going to change their life. +[3386.500 --> 3387.500] People in here are hurting. +[3387.500 --> 3390.460] At least one woman needs to know this that she's amazing. +[3390.460 --> 3391.780] And I do that. +[3391.780 --> 3394.020] And I go with a wall meets the ceiling is a confident feeling. +[3394.020 --> 3397.460] And I fire a laser beam right there with that wall meets the ceiling. +[3397.460 --> 3403.180] And I come up from my 25 minutes and I got the only standing ovation for that conference. +[3403.180 --> 3407.460] This girl that no one knew coming in size 22, 24 in the back of the room, hitting the +[3407.460 --> 3412.060] stage, Mika Bresinski and Joe Scarborough talk about me the next day on the show Morning +[3412.060 --> 3413.060] Joe. +[3413.060 --> 3416.100] I saw the ton of online courses because of it. +[3416.100 --> 3421.180] And all I did was change, notice self-awareness, notice my stinking thinking. +[3421.180 --> 3423.220] No more than 17 seconds of negativity. +[3423.220 --> 3424.740] Say five things about me that I love. +[3424.740 --> 3427.620] I changed my posture. +[3427.620 --> 3429.340] And I changed, I know things. +[3429.340 --> 3432.300] I'm not here to teach you to be healthy and strong and fit. +[3432.300 --> 3435.340] I'm here to teach you about body and the origin, the power of influencing people and +[3435.340 --> 3438.020] emotional intelligence and loving ourselves. +[3438.020 --> 3440.020] And then I just killed it. +[3440.020 --> 3441.740] I just had a mad love affair with the audience. +[3441.740 --> 3444.820] I made it less about me and more about them. +[3444.820 --> 3447.420] And I'm like, they need what I know. +[3447.420 --> 3450.020] My mother always said you're powers what you give to others. +[3450.020 --> 3451.020] It's true. +[3451.020 --> 3457.700] So one of the things that you taught me that I never forgot was this concept called eye blocking. +[3457.700 --> 3458.700] Yes. +[3458.700 --> 3463.380] And the example that you gave about it being like our own personal pass code. +[3463.380 --> 3467.580] Could you explain that to everybody and why this is such an important thing to pay attention +[3467.580 --> 3473.540] to, whether it's in your kids or friendships or in, you know, relationship with somebody? +[3473.540 --> 3474.540] Okay. +[3474.540 --> 3475.540] Yes. +[3475.540 --> 3478.900] And I just touched my eye when you started talking about eye blocking. +[3478.900 --> 3480.220] I didn't even know that. +[3480.220 --> 3481.220] I didn't even notice it. +[3481.220 --> 3482.220] You said. +[3482.220 --> 3483.220] I didn't even notice it. +[3483.220 --> 3485.540] I touched the corner of my left eye. +[3485.540 --> 3486.940] And for people who did notice it. +[3486.940 --> 3488.580] So this is your visual information channel. +[3488.580 --> 3490.820] I want you to go back and watch this. +[3490.820 --> 3494.620] We have to turn up our, or my challenge to you is to turn up your visual information +[3494.620 --> 3495.620] channel. +[3495.620 --> 3496.620] So I touched my eye. +[3496.620 --> 3497.620] Did I want to touch it? +[3497.620 --> 3498.620] Did I want to touch my eye? +[3498.620 --> 3499.620] Okay. +[3499.620 --> 3500.620] So for me, I'm in Orlando, Florida. +[3500.620 --> 3503.300] I'm speaking today for this company. +[3503.300 --> 3506.460] And it's 103 and I can share with you till 130. +[3506.460 --> 3508.500] And I hit the stage at two 20 to 15. +[3508.500 --> 3509.980] I have to get mic'd it to. +[3509.980 --> 3514.780] So as you were asking me the next question, in my brain, I thought, ooh, I better check +[3514.780 --> 3518.460] the time to make sure I'm on time for this paid event. +[3518.460 --> 3520.380] And so you asked me the new question when you did. +[3520.380 --> 3522.780] I touched my eye without realizing it. +[3522.780 --> 3524.900] And as soon as I did it, I go, people are going to see me touch my eye. +[3524.900 --> 3526.420] And they're going to be writing to me. +[3526.420 --> 3529.220] Hey, hey, Ms. Body Language expert, touch Darona. +[3529.220 --> 3530.220] You stress her out. +[3530.220 --> 3532.060] She got nervous with you, Mel. +[3532.060 --> 3535.900] I touched my eye, not out of nervousness with Mel or her question. +[3535.900 --> 3537.500] But this is the story behind the story. +[3537.500 --> 3542.260] And I wanted to share this with you because be careful of having a little information +[3542.260 --> 3544.740] and saying, aha, I got you. +[3544.740 --> 3546.660] It's about noticing the behavior. +[3546.660 --> 3551.020] And then if you can't ask those powerful questions, there's always another story that you might +[3551.020 --> 3552.020] not know. +[3552.020 --> 3553.820] And so for me, that's what happened when I touched my eye. +[3553.820 --> 3555.820] I like completely missed it. +[3555.820 --> 3558.060] So there's eye blocking. +[3558.060 --> 3561.460] I'm blocking, I have an iPhone right here, right? +[3561.460 --> 3565.620] So right now, you can see there's a code that's popping up, right? +[3565.620 --> 3568.700] So I have numbers one to one to nine and then zero at the bottom. +[3568.700 --> 3571.660] I have to enter my code to get access to my cell phone. +[3571.660 --> 3572.660] Yes. +[3572.660 --> 3577.740] So the blocking is you are putting up the code to inside your brain that you don't want +[3577.740 --> 3581.580] people to have access to information that's inside your brain. +[3581.580 --> 3584.180] So eye blocking can be, I put my hand over my eyes. +[3584.180 --> 3585.780] I could be adjusting my hat. +[3585.780 --> 3588.060] I could be breaking the eye contact. +[3588.060 --> 3590.300] I'm looking away. +[3590.300 --> 3593.900] So eye blocking is there's something I don't want you to see right now. +[3593.900 --> 3595.700] And I'm putting up my screensaver. +[3595.700 --> 3601.060] And unless you have the code, which I'm going to give to you again, the MIW formula, maybe +[3601.060 --> 3602.420] I'm wrong here. +[3602.420 --> 3603.420] And I'm not going to be using my MIW. +[3603.420 --> 3607.780] It seems to me there's something you're thinking about or something you're concerned about. +[3607.780 --> 3611.900] And so eye blocking happens under high stress and high anxiety. +[3611.900 --> 3613.500] People will block. +[3613.500 --> 3619.660] Sidebar, I just weighed in on, when if Paltrow was sued for this like crazy thing that happened +[3619.660 --> 3623.780] way back in I think 2016, I was on court TV about it. +[3623.780 --> 3632.340] And when if Paltrow gave eye contact very nicely, but pulled her lip sensor out the interview. +[3632.340 --> 3637.460] And to the new person who's listening to my content here with Mel, you might see, if +[3637.460 --> 3641.060] you had seen that lawsuit, you might have seen, aha, she's lying. +[3641.060 --> 3643.020] When we don't like what we see here, our lips just appear. +[3643.020 --> 3645.420] We see Kwinner Paltrow's lips disappearing. +[3645.420 --> 3650.060] I went back and looked at interviews with Kwinner Paltrow with Johnny Depp on Ellen and +[3650.060 --> 3651.900] a whole bunch of stuff, ABC. +[3651.900 --> 3653.260] And that's part of her baseline. +[3653.260 --> 3655.620] We always want to get someone's baseline behavior. +[3655.620 --> 3659.220] So because it's part of Kwinner Paltrow's baseline, these lips disappearing, I throw it +[3659.220 --> 3660.220] away. +[3660.220 --> 3662.140] Did she do eye blocking? +[3662.140 --> 3664.180] No eye blocking with Kwinner Paltrow. +[3664.180 --> 3667.940] As a matter of fact, if you want to know if you're a powerful person, which I know you +[3667.940 --> 3675.220] are Mel, high status versus low status, high status people give eye contact and look at +[3675.220 --> 3678.220] you when they're listening to you. +[3678.220 --> 3683.340] High status people also look at you when they're talking to you. +[3683.340 --> 3690.020] Low status people look at you when they're listening, but when they talk, they break eye contact +[3690.020 --> 3691.020] a lot. +[3691.020 --> 3694.740] I do that eye blocking when they're talking to you. +[3694.740 --> 3697.540] I do that, but I think it's my ADHD. +[3697.540 --> 3704.980] Like I notice that I have a really hard time staying in locked eye contact with somebody +[3704.980 --> 3705.980] when I'm talking. +[3705.980 --> 3712.740] I can do it laser beam focus when I'm listening to somebody, but there's something about searching +[3712.740 --> 3716.340] for words or capturing my thought or something. +[3716.340 --> 3723.540] I don't ever close my eyes, but I definitely look up or I look down and then I look back. +[3723.540 --> 3727.260] Okay, so I'm going to tell you and I have ADHD as well. +[3727.260 --> 3730.620] Clearly, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ball machine +[3730.620 --> 3737.420] and I say, it makes you even more likeable because it is a low status thing to break eye +[3737.420 --> 3739.260] contact when talking. +[3739.260 --> 3744.020] And so what comes across as when we do that or if someone's doing that, it comes across +[3744.020 --> 3745.940] as you're not a know-it-all. +[3745.940 --> 3747.940] You don't think you're still a work in progress. +[3747.940 --> 3749.300] You don't think you're better than everyone else. +[3749.300 --> 3754.740] As a matter of fact, when is Palcho by doing this came across as not very likeable? +[3754.740 --> 3756.380] Everyone was saying it, not just me. +[3756.380 --> 3757.380] Like I went on court TV. +[3757.380 --> 3762.140] I go, listen, I believe she's telling the truth, but man, she is not likeable in that courtroom. +[3762.140 --> 3765.900] It's almost like intimidating to not break the eye contact. +[3765.900 --> 3771.620] So you, but you will be seen as someone that has a lower status like that you're not, +[3771.620 --> 3774.140] like the alpha dog saying, hey, I'm the boss here. +[3774.140 --> 3775.780] This is you've got to do what I want to do. +[3775.780 --> 3777.420] You're, you're, and that's not who you are. +[3777.420 --> 3779.060] You're that team person. +[3779.060 --> 3781.420] You're pulling us along with your journey. +[3781.420 --> 3785.580] What are the top five things or doesn't matter what the number is? +[3785.580 --> 3793.940] What are the top things that we can practice that help boost our influence and our likeability +[3793.940 --> 3795.940] when it comes to body language? +[3795.940 --> 3796.940] Okay. +[3796.940 --> 3800.660] All right. +[3800.660 --> 3803.100] Confident and likeable. +[3803.100 --> 3805.340] We have three power zones on neck. +[3805.340 --> 3807.380] Dimple, I was going to back up and show you a little bit. +[3807.380 --> 3810.180] So our neck dimple, it's our throat right here. +[3810.180 --> 3811.180] Our belly button. +[3811.180 --> 3816.140] Is that the neck dimple like the little dip, the dip in there for such a lot or whatever +[3816.140 --> 3817.140] you say? +[3817.140 --> 3818.140] Okay. +[3818.140 --> 3819.140] Okay. +[3819.140 --> 3820.140] You know, your necklace lies right there. +[3820.140 --> 3824.900] So your neck dimple, your neck, your belly button and then your lower extremity. +[3824.900 --> 3826.660] I caught your naughty bits. +[3826.660 --> 3828.220] It's from the Holy Grail. +[3828.220 --> 3829.220] So you're growing. +[3829.220 --> 3832.900] I was on the today show and I was going to, I was with a guy in the sitting next to me +[3832.900 --> 3837.140] Ted from where I from the straight guy, the original Ted, the original guy. +[3837.140 --> 3838.740] And he goes, what are you talking about with our broker? +[3838.740 --> 3841.260] I said, my neck dimple, your belly button and you're growing. +[3841.260 --> 3843.020] You keep it open when you're confident and likeable. +[3843.020 --> 3846.420] He was, please never say the word growing on a morning's show. +[3846.420 --> 3849.500] He said, say the Holy, I say naughty bits. +[3849.500 --> 3850.500] It's from the Holy Grail. +[3850.500 --> 3853.460] I loved it, Mal, as you might imagine. +[3853.460 --> 3854.460] And I went on there. +[3854.460 --> 3855.460] I loved it. +[3855.460 --> 3859.100] And I said neck dimple, belly button and growing. +[3859.100 --> 3860.100] Why? +[3860.100 --> 3862.860] But I love naughty bits because we need to practice. +[3862.860 --> 3865.060] We need to practice, practice, practice where you're learning today. +[3865.060 --> 3866.060] You get to practice. +[3866.060 --> 3868.380] Say today I'm going to pay attention to belly buttons. +[3868.380 --> 3872.300] So keep our neck dimple, our belly button and our naughty bits open. +[3872.300 --> 3873.820] Now let's talk about the belly button. +[3873.820 --> 3875.900] I call this naval intelligence. +[3875.900 --> 3879.820] We face our belly button towards people we like, admire and trust. +[3879.820 --> 3885.580] So if I'm flirting with Brad Pitt, but my belly button is facing George, Clooney. +[3885.580 --> 3887.660] Everyone thinks I'm flirting with Brad. +[3887.660 --> 3888.820] I'm letting him hook up with Brad. +[3888.820 --> 3892.140] But really, my belly button wants to go home with good old George. +[3892.140 --> 3895.620] In a meeting, how do I how many belly buttons are facing you? +[3895.620 --> 3900.140] If you have 50% of the belly buttons facing someone else, then that person is probably +[3900.140 --> 3901.140] your arch-analysis. +[3901.140 --> 3904.980] And if I were to give you a tip, emotional intelligence is being smarter. +[3904.980 --> 3909.320] I would make sure I'd have meetings with that person first to get them on my side before +[3909.320 --> 3913.940] going into that other meeting, because 50% of the ears are listening to that person. +[3913.940 --> 3916.420] On a date, pay attention if the date is over. +[3916.420 --> 3917.420] I'm a talker. +[3917.420 --> 3918.420] Right? +[3919.020 --> 3923.220] Are you talking past the sale, even in an intimate thing, like on a date? +[3923.220 --> 3925.860] Pay attention that belly button is angled towards the door to the car. +[3925.860 --> 3928.740] They want, I call it naval intelligence. +[3928.740 --> 3932.060] And it's our first connection to another human being. +[3932.060 --> 3935.580] Our belly button was connected to the medical court. +[3935.580 --> 3937.340] So the belly button role, I call it. +[3937.340 --> 3938.900] So keep that three power zones open. +[3938.900 --> 3941.340] Watch your pacifiers, those high-letter pacifiers. +[3941.340 --> 3946.380] If you're nervous, and it happens, first of all, give yourself a positive trait, plant +[3946.380 --> 3947.780] that seed that believe. +[3947.780 --> 3952.420] And then if you need to pacify, do toe pushups inside your shoe. +[3952.420 --> 3953.420] So you're up there. +[3953.420 --> 3954.420] Never tell us you're nervous. +[3954.420 --> 3955.900] Never say, oh, I'm not good at public speaking. +[3955.900 --> 3956.900] I'm really nervous. +[3956.900 --> 3958.100] I'm like, never do that. +[3958.100 --> 3960.460] Because when you're nervous, we see it. +[3960.460 --> 3963.300] And marinara runs, make us nervous and love you even more. +[3963.300 --> 3965.820] As soon as you just exclaim it, and like, oh, I'm nervous. +[3965.820 --> 3966.820] I've never done this before. +[3966.820 --> 3969.460] We're like, ah, she figured it out. +[3969.460 --> 3970.460] Don't let us in. +[3970.460 --> 3971.820] We are already seeing your body language. +[3971.820 --> 3972.820] We're cheering you on. +[3972.820 --> 3973.820] We love you so much. +[3974.100 --> 3975.980] Instead, right here, do toe pushups. +[3975.980 --> 3978.420] One, into, and three, inside your shoes. +[3978.420 --> 3978.940] We're not seeing you. +[3978.940 --> 3980.460] What does that do? +[3980.460 --> 3983.780] It's getting out that stress and anxiety. +[3983.780 --> 3988.460] Instead of doing this, instead of bumping your foot, instead of doing this, just get that +[3988.460 --> 3989.460] stress and anxiety. +[3989.460 --> 3991.420] When you move your body, you move your mind. +[3991.420 --> 3993.620] That's why exercise decreases stress. +[3993.620 --> 3998.740] In law enforcement, we get more confessions walking from the jail cell back to the interrogation +[3998.740 --> 4003.660] room or the interrogation room to the police car than we do in the interrogation room. +[4003.660 --> 4006.340] When you move your body, you move your mind. +[4006.340 --> 4008.220] Sometimes, we just get to get people moving. +[4008.220 --> 4012.260] I like to say if you're stressed, some people are anxious, right? +[4012.260 --> 4013.580] You have anxiety. +[4013.580 --> 4017.620] By the way, if you are the type of person that you have anxiety and you said, but what +[4017.620 --> 4018.620] if this happens? +[4018.620 --> 4019.620] What if that happens? +[4019.620 --> 4022.420] We need a plant A, B, C, D, E, F, G. +[4022.420 --> 4025.020] You're kind of gloomy and doomy and everyone lets you know it. +[4025.020 --> 4026.860] Would you like to know what your superpower is? +[4026.860 --> 4027.860] Yes. +[4027.860 --> 4029.180] You can see around corners. +[4029.180 --> 4033.340] Their superpower is they can lean back into the past. +[4033.340 --> 4037.180] They're putting the past mistakes and past wins into the future and to now and lean into +[4037.180 --> 4040.300] the future and use that future now. +[4040.300 --> 4041.300] They're transbotters. +[4041.300 --> 4042.300] They set goals. +[4042.300 --> 4043.300] They measure progress. +[4043.300 --> 4044.300] They update plans. +[4044.300 --> 4045.980] These are the people. +[4045.980 --> 4048.500] Every weakness that we have, you're lazy. +[4048.500 --> 4049.500] You don't finish projects. +[4049.500 --> 4050.500] 80% you finish. +[4050.500 --> 4052.420] It's connected to body language. +[4052.420 --> 4054.620] You don't finish projects like my ex-husband. +[4054.620 --> 4055.620] That's his cute nickname. +[4055.620 --> 4057.820] I call them lazy, right? +[4057.820 --> 4059.300] He would, I call him the 80% man. +[4059.300 --> 4060.540] He'd paint a room and leave it. +[4060.540 --> 4061.540] 20% undone. +[4061.540 --> 4062.900] How long are you married? +[4063.420 --> 4064.500] 20 years I was with him. +[4064.500 --> 4065.500] But we get along great. +[4065.500 --> 4066.500] He's one of my best friends. +[4066.500 --> 4067.980] Thank you for the grace of God. +[4067.980 --> 4070.340] 20 long years. +[4070.340 --> 4071.500] It's like SpongeBob. +[4071.500 --> 4074.460] 20 years later. +[4074.460 --> 4077.300] But his, no one, his superpower was? +[4077.300 --> 4078.300] No. +[4078.300 --> 4080.540] Lazy person who doesn't finish work? +[4080.540 --> 4081.540] Flexibility. +[4081.540 --> 4084.380] One last time you thanked people for their flexibility. +[4084.380 --> 4085.860] We spent every Christmas in Boston. +[4085.860 --> 4090.460] He's from California, every Halloween, every Easter, every Thanksgiving. +[4090.460 --> 4092.740] When we go to movies, I pick the movie. +[4092.740 --> 4095.420] When we're making dinner, I pick the dinner. +[4095.420 --> 4096.980] I never thanked him for his flexibility, +[4096.980 --> 4099.660] but I made front of his laziness until I discovered. +[4099.660 --> 4100.900] This is my next TED Talks. +[4100.900 --> 4102.220] You're getting a sneak peek. +[4102.220 --> 4104.380] That all of our decision-making weaknesses +[4104.380 --> 4106.380] have corresponding superpowers. +[4106.380 --> 4109.140] So if you are people that don't finish projects in your life, +[4109.140 --> 4111.660] I bet you they're the most flexible people in your life. +[4111.660 --> 4114.140] And you may want to thank them and say, I didn't realize +[4114.140 --> 4116.340] you have a superpower flexibility, and I want to honor that. +[4116.340 --> 4118.300] Thank you for being so flexible. +[4118.300 --> 4122.620] What do you think is the biggest thing that you've learned? +[4122.620 --> 4125.740] After decades of studying, human beings +[4125.740 --> 4129.740] and this hidden second language that we all have, +[4129.740 --> 4133.740] that's helped you in your everyday life. +[4133.740 --> 4135.740] The biggest thing that I've learned? +[4140.620 --> 4143.380] I would say that I believe in comebacks, +[4143.380 --> 4146.340] because I've experienced them. +[4146.340 --> 4147.660] And I believe in comebacks. +[4147.660 --> 4152.580] And I believe there's a story behind the story. +[4153.540 --> 4158.820] Susan Smith was the most hated mother in the world at the time +[4158.820 --> 4161.380] when she killed her two young sons, +[4161.380 --> 4164.220] because she was dating a guy that didn't want to date +[4164.220 --> 4167.980] a woman that had kids, later became Casey Anthony. +[4167.980 --> 4169.380] And then now there's others. +[4169.380 --> 4171.420] But Susan Smith drowned her two kids, +[4171.420 --> 4173.220] and she was the most hated mother. +[4173.220 --> 4175.620] And what most people don't know is she +[4175.620 --> 4179.540] started being raped and molested by her father +[4179.540 --> 4181.820] at like three and four years old. +[4181.820 --> 4183.420] So it makes me emotional. +[4183.420 --> 4188.740] As a mother, just imagining my kids at the age of three. +[4188.740 --> 4192.260] And I'm not saying what Susan Smith did was justified. +[4192.260 --> 4194.860] But I'm saying there's a story behind a story. +[4194.860 --> 4197.300] And there's that expression. +[4197.300 --> 4201.140] And they quoted it in that, what's that soccer movie? +[4201.140 --> 4204.380] That Todd Soccer TV series, Ted Lasso. +[4204.380 --> 4206.260] In one of their episodes, they quoted it +[4206.260 --> 4210.100] stopping some judgmental and stopping curious, asking questions. +[4210.100 --> 4213.260] And I think that there's a story behind a story. +[4213.260 --> 4217.580] And Susan Smith was raped by her dad, her whole childhood, +[4217.580 --> 4220.820] even as a young woman, continued to happen. +[4220.820 --> 4223.900] And then in her young teens would go back to the dad's house +[4223.900 --> 4226.100] and have sex with her dad. +[4226.100 --> 4230.740] And so I'm always interested in what's +[4230.740 --> 4232.660] the story behind the story here? +[4232.660 --> 4235.060] Can I find a little bit of compassion or empathy? +[4235.060 --> 4238.500] And I believe in comebacks, because I've experienced them. +[4238.500 --> 4240.140] And I'm a work in progress all the time. +[4240.140 --> 4241.540] I'm an eternal student. +[4241.540 --> 4244.140] At this event this morning, I sat in there for five hours +[4244.140 --> 4245.020] because I wanted to learn. +[4245.020 --> 4248.660] I took about five pages of notes just listening to two CEOs +[4248.660 --> 4251.500] who this company, Paylocity, just hit the billion dollar +[4251.500 --> 4252.420] mark for the first time. +[4252.420 --> 4254.780] I wanted to hear every word they had to say. +[4254.780 --> 4256.220] They were asked, what's the biggest thing +[4256.220 --> 4259.420] that they learned at working together in their life +[4259.420 --> 4260.580] and on taking notes, right? +[4260.580 --> 4264.460] So I think that, I don't know, I believe in comebacks. +[4264.460 --> 4266.220] You had to come back. +[4266.220 --> 4267.500] I've had multiple. +[4267.500 --> 4268.700] Of course I do. +[4268.700 --> 4271.740] And I also believe in what you were talking about, which +[4271.740 --> 4275.020] is when you seek to understand something, +[4275.020 --> 4279.060] it doesn't condone what somebody did. +[4279.060 --> 4282.780] But it can explain why it happened. +[4282.780 --> 4284.620] Listen, I was molested as a kid. +[4284.620 --> 4285.860] I could have became a Susan Smith. +[4285.860 --> 4289.980] I happen to have a mother that loves me so much +[4289.980 --> 4292.500] that she took this pain and believed me. +[4292.500 --> 4294.340] And she used to say, Janina, I could drop you +[4294.340 --> 4297.460] in a room with 100 strangers and you leave with 100 friends. +[4297.860 --> 4299.820] Now first of all, that's not true. +[4299.820 --> 4301.980] I would leave with 50 friends and 50 people who never +[4301.980 --> 4303.900] want to see me again, because I talk too fast. +[4303.900 --> 4306.820] And I'm just a little too much for some people. +[4306.820 --> 4308.380] And you know what that is? +[4308.380 --> 4309.860] That's a good to know. +[4309.860 --> 4313.700] And that's kind of my favorite thing that I learned today. +[4313.700 --> 4314.620] Yeah, I love a good to know. +[4314.620 --> 4315.460] That it's a good to know. +[4315.460 --> 4315.980] That's good to know. +[4315.980 --> 4318.260] Andrea Quinn, by her book, I don't know what it's called, +[4318.260 --> 4319.100] but by her book. +[4319.100 --> 4322.700] And it's like, Andrea Quinn, she calls them the eight +[4322.700 --> 4324.940] Quinn essentials for women to have their dreams come true. +[4324.940 --> 4326.940] Something like that, maybe misquoting it. +[4327.500 --> 4329.220] Good to know, save my life all the time. +[4329.220 --> 4332.260] And I love teaching what I'm teaching. +[4332.260 --> 4335.860] If I can help anyone, like, please, I love, +[4335.860 --> 4336.980] I, you know, my mother always said, +[4336.980 --> 4338.260] your power is what you give to others. +[4338.260 --> 4341.860] Can you explain a couple examples of eye blocking? +[4342.900 --> 4348.700] Yeah, so a guy, a murderer named Chris Watts, +[4348.740 --> 4350.460] killed his pregnant wife, Janina, +[4350.460 --> 4352.460] his two young daughters, Celeste and Bella, +[4352.460 --> 4354.740] little ones, like under the age of six. +[4354.740 --> 4357.660] And when he was being interviewed, he, +[4357.660 --> 4359.940] and not only him, we have Ted Bundy, +[4359.940 --> 4361.580] we have Susan Smith, who I brought up earlier, +[4361.580 --> 4363.220] John, her two kids. +[4363.220 --> 4365.180] So these are criminals, of course, I weigh in on criminal. +[4365.180 --> 4367.180] I say, if you can decode the body language of murderers, +[4367.180 --> 4370.340] I did a TED talk to the body, to code the body language, +[4370.340 --> 4372.260] to code the body language of murderers, +[4372.260 --> 4373.820] to have a life you love. +[4373.820 --> 4375.620] Because they have everything on the line, right? +[4375.620 --> 4378.900] If they're going to be good at lying, it's now, +[4378.900 --> 4380.740] because they are going to lose their life +[4380.740 --> 4382.980] potentially or their freedom at the very least. +[4382.980 --> 4384.540] So if you look at all those people, +[4384.540 --> 4387.300] I think Ted Bundy, and then there was the other guy +[4387.300 --> 4390.460] that killed his pregnant wife, Scott Peterson. +[4390.460 --> 4393.580] If you look at my TED talk, I tell you how long they eye block. +[4393.580 --> 4395.580] And so sometimes they'll just talk like this +[4395.580 --> 4396.340] with their eyes closed. +[4396.340 --> 4398.980] I think Susan Smith was something like 16 seconds. +[4398.980 --> 4402.220] So right now, I'm closing my eyes if you see me. +[4402.220 --> 4405.140] Everyone close your eyes and just talk out loud +[4405.140 --> 4407.100] and say, what's your biggest thing you've learned today +[4407.100 --> 4407.940] that you like? +[4407.940 --> 4409.340] Mal just said she loves the good to know +[4409.340 --> 4411.140] is from Andrea Quinn, right? +[4411.140 --> 4412.460] That have impacted Mal. +[4412.460 --> 4414.620] So just I'm going to give it a hot second. +[4414.620 --> 4415.900] This is so weird. +[4415.900 --> 4418.020] Just close your eyes, Mal, you do it for me. +[4418.020 --> 4419.820] Closing your eyes, tell me something else +[4419.820 --> 4421.340] that you really loved learning today. +[4421.340 --> 4423.820] Well, closing your eyes, do not open them. +[4426.020 --> 4428.900] I really did love the good to know. +[4428.900 --> 4432.140] And I'm really freaked out by how weird it is to talk +[4432.140 --> 4433.300] with my eyes closed. +[4433.300 --> 4435.820] And I'm trying desperately not to shrug my shoulders +[4435.820 --> 4437.140] at the same time. +[4437.140 --> 4439.220] OK, that was about 11 seconds, all right? +[4439.220 --> 4441.220] Oh my god, it's so weird. +[4441.220 --> 4441.740] Yes. +[4441.740 --> 4443.820] So if you can just, I say you can't +[4443.820 --> 4446.060] un-experience it or un-see it. +[4446.060 --> 4447.980] So when you see something weird, +[4447.980 --> 4452.660] or you hear something weird, slow down and try it on. +[4452.660 --> 4455.900] Kasey Anthony, the mother, her name is Cindy Anthony. +[4455.900 --> 4456.860] Kasey Anthony's mother. +[4456.860 --> 4459.260] So she's the grandmother of Kaylee Anthony. +[4459.260 --> 4461.300] She called the police on 911 and said, +[4461.300 --> 4462.420] my daughter's been missing. +[4462.420 --> 4463.700] And I just found out my granddaughter's +[4463.700 --> 4464.820] been missing for 30 days. +[4464.820 --> 4467.020] And it smells like there's been a dead body +[4467.020 --> 4470.020] in the trunk of the damn car. +[4470.020 --> 4472.540] When police interviewed Kasey Anthony +[4472.540 --> 4476.340] about the smell in her car, she said, +[4476.340 --> 4479.580] dead squirrels climbed into my truck, climbed into my engine +[4479.580 --> 4480.580] and re-died. +[4480.580 --> 4483.620] I mean, dead squirrels climbed into my engine and died. +[4483.620 --> 4484.940] That's what she said. +[4484.940 --> 4486.900] So if they're dead, how are they climbing? +[4486.900 --> 4488.140] And then they would, they re-died? +[4488.140 --> 4490.100] Are they zombie squirrels? +[4490.100 --> 4493.180] But our brain plays tricks on a smell in you at home. +[4493.180 --> 4495.340] Dead squirrels climbed into my engine and died. +[4495.340 --> 4497.940] And what our brain does is says, oh, what she means is, +[4497.940 --> 4501.180] a squirrel climbed up into her trunk and died. +[4501.180 --> 4504.860] Roger Clemens, did you cheat in baseball and take steroids? +[4504.860 --> 4506.740] He said, how do I prove a negative? +[4506.740 --> 4507.260] What? +[4507.260 --> 4509.060] You mean, how do I get people to know +[4509.060 --> 4510.620] that I'm telling the truth? +[4510.620 --> 4513.060] Our body and brain does not want us to lie. +[4513.060 --> 4515.220] And they're having a conversation with one another. +[4515.220 --> 4516.300] So the tells are they are really +[4516.300 --> 4517.380] talked about a handful today. +[4517.380 --> 4519.860] There's over 5,000 body language +[4519.860 --> 4522.300] and words that have hinting meaning. +[4522.300 --> 4523.300] Words have hinted meaning. +[4523.300 --> 4525.940] If I said to you, let me know. +[4525.940 --> 4527.940] I just left my office. +[4527.940 --> 4530.820] I'm going to get to the restaurant 10 minutes early, male. +[4530.820 --> 4531.380] Take your time. +[4531.380 --> 4532.780] I've got some work I can do. +[4532.780 --> 4534.980] What's my, what's my hint of meaning and what I just said? +[4534.980 --> 4536.860] Do you know? +[4536.860 --> 4538.020] I just left my house. +[4538.020 --> 4538.540] I just left my house. +[4538.540 --> 4540.820] Like you're not at the, that you haven't just left. +[4540.820 --> 4542.740] Some people will think I didn't leave. +[4542.740 --> 4544.540] And I'm trying to, you know, cover my ass for when +[4544.540 --> 4545.540] I'm going to be late. +[4545.540 --> 4547.300] Some people think I'm being passive-aggressive. +[4547.300 --> 4549.740] And I'm saying, be there, because I'll be there early. +[4549.740 --> 4551.460] But here's, and maybe those things are true. +[4551.460 --> 4553.260] But here's what I want you to focus on. +[4553.260 --> 4555.780] The word left equals strife. +[4555.780 --> 4556.980] I left my husband. +[4556.980 --> 4558.420] I left my job. +[4558.420 --> 4561.660] If someone emails you, text messages you, tells you on a phone, +[4561.660 --> 4563.900] or face to face, and they use the word left, +[4563.900 --> 4565.900] they're telling you about something that +[4565.900 --> 4568.460] happened that involved strife, some problem. +[4568.460 --> 4571.460] I just left my house just as a minimizing word. +[4571.460 --> 4574.900] So you, Mel, might say, if I was smart, if you were smart +[4574.900 --> 4579.140] in sales or my friend, Janine is today still a good day. +[4579.140 --> 4581.900] I'm free all week if you want to get together another day. +[4581.900 --> 4582.460] Is today good? +[4582.460 --> 4583.860] Oh, Mel, do you mind? +[4583.860 --> 4585.460] I'm having a tough morning. +[4585.460 --> 4587.860] Or if you can't cancel that meeting when I arrive, +[4587.860 --> 4590.220] don't start pitching me, whatever you're pitching me. +[4590.220 --> 4593.380] Stop and say, hey, is everything OK, Mel? +[4593.380 --> 4594.820] Is everything OK this morning? +[4594.820 --> 4595.860] Everything all right in the office? +[4595.860 --> 4599.260] Because left, L-E-F-T equals strife. +[4599.260 --> 4600.060] I left my job. +[4600.060 --> 4601.140] I left my husband. +[4601.140 --> 4602.980] So there's 5,000 words within a meeting. +[4602.980 --> 4604.140] 5,000 words. +[4604.140 --> 4605.580] We just had a sneak peek. +[4605.580 --> 4607.660] Hopefully, something sticks. +[4607.660 --> 4610.580] And I got to tell you, the underdog wind, good to know. +[4610.580 --> 4611.980] And game changer for me. +[4611.980 --> 4613.940] My son, Angus, this girlfriend just broke up +[4613.940 --> 4614.820] with him his first girlfriend. +[4614.820 --> 4616.260] He was all upset. +[4616.260 --> 4618.380] And she was badmouthing him at the school. +[4618.380 --> 4620.300] And he broke his heart. +[4620.300 --> 4624.180] And he was saying something loud enough for him to hear it. +[4624.180 --> 4625.620] And he came in and he's laughing. +[4625.620 --> 4627.380] He just took the ACT test this week. +[4627.380 --> 4628.740] And he came out laughing at the school. +[4628.740 --> 4629.460] I go, why are you laughing? +[4629.460 --> 4631.340] He goes, she wanted me to take the bait, +[4631.340 --> 4632.780] but I didn't take the bait. +[4632.780 --> 4634.900] She said, I didn't texture this morning. +[4634.900 --> 4636.860] So she's going to hate me for the rest of her life. +[4636.860 --> 4639.100] But I was going to say happy birthday if I saw her. +[4639.100 --> 4640.900] I didn't texture because she broke up with me. +[4640.900 --> 4643.220] But I would have said it if I had a loan time with her. +[4643.220 --> 4644.780] And he goes, she badmouthing me. +[4644.780 --> 4645.740] I go, why are you laughing? +[4645.740 --> 4649.460] He goes, because it's just a good to know. +[4649.460 --> 4652.740] I saw a side about her that I didn't know existed. +[4652.740 --> 4657.060] So I love sharing what we learned from you, Mel Robbins, +[4657.060 --> 4659.380] from people like the Andrea Quinn's of the world, +[4659.380 --> 4661.420] and people like my mentor, Jim Kavanaugh, +[4661.420 --> 4662.540] and other mentors I've had. +[4662.540 --> 4665.620] I love sharing it with people, including my kids, +[4665.620 --> 4667.420] and to rewrite our story. +[4667.420 --> 4670.260] Because I believe we are all entitled and deserve a comeback, +[4670.260 --> 4671.260] everybody. +[4671.260 --> 4672.380] Everybody. +[4672.380 --> 4674.540] And we need to stop doubting ourselves +[4674.540 --> 4676.860] and just start looking at the signs. +[4676.860 --> 4678.700] And I love the other thing that you said, which is, +[4678.700 --> 4683.940] I might be wrong, as the segue in to calling out something +[4683.940 --> 4685.380] that seems off. +[4685.380 --> 4686.780] One final thing. +[4686.780 --> 4689.860] You're on a date, and you're really like this person. +[4689.860 --> 4693.820] Or you're in a job interview, and you really want the job. +[4693.820 --> 4700.540] What is a body language move that you can use to signal, +[4700.540 --> 4703.140] pick me, power confidence. +[4703.140 --> 4704.140] What do you do? +[4704.140 --> 4704.640] Two things. +[4704.640 --> 4708.900] Number one, how you start the day in the job interview +[4708.900 --> 4709.900] I want you to end it. +[4709.900 --> 4712.540] So if you start with a hug, I want you to end with a hug. +[4712.540 --> 4714.700] If you start with a handshake, I want you to end with a handshake. +[4714.700 --> 4718.380] We blow the ending so many times, especially in business. +[4718.380 --> 4720.340] Because that's called the recency effect. +[4720.340 --> 4722.940] The recency effect is those last couple of moments +[4722.940 --> 4724.780] that you had with me. +[4724.780 --> 4725.940] What happened there? +[4725.940 --> 4727.940] So if I'm in an interview and you get a call, +[4727.940 --> 4729.500] and you'll excuse me, Janina, it's a pleasure meeting. +[4729.500 --> 4730.300] I'm going to take this call. +[4730.300 --> 4733.580] I still want you in a second to lean over that table, +[4733.580 --> 4734.380] stretch out your hand. +[4734.380 --> 4734.900] Not a problem. +[4734.900 --> 4736.620] Now it was great to see you again. +[4736.620 --> 4738.180] Boom, get that handshake. +[4738.180 --> 4739.620] We blow it and the ending. +[4739.620 --> 4740.620] We blow it on the ending. +[4740.620 --> 4742.340] So book end that. +[4742.340 --> 4745.060] So book end it with that handshake or the hug. +[4745.060 --> 4746.340] That's number one. +[4746.340 --> 4749.500] Number two, where you sit is making a difference. +[4749.500 --> 4751.980] Stop sitting directly opposite people. +[4751.980 --> 4753.700] This is the fighting pose. +[4753.700 --> 4756.780] On dates or in job interviews, the seat is right across +[4756.780 --> 4758.780] from the person interviewing me, or you go to the Outback +[4758.780 --> 4760.620] and stay-couple, and you're in a booth. +[4760.620 --> 4763.220] Do not sit directly across from this potential new +[4763.220 --> 4764.420] significant other. +[4764.420 --> 4767.060] You want to be 30% off center. +[4767.060 --> 4769.260] And there's advanced techniques on which side. +[4769.260 --> 4770.340] We'll have to talk about that another time. +[4770.340 --> 4772.660] But at the very least, 30% off center. +[4772.660 --> 4773.740] Here's why. +[4773.740 --> 4775.020] They have a visual way out. +[4775.020 --> 4777.340] It will decrease their stress and anxiety. +[4777.340 --> 4780.420] You'll have a visual way out and decrease yours. +[4780.420 --> 4783.540] Feel what it feels like tonight at the table or at work. +[4783.540 --> 4785.180] Sit directly across from someone. +[4785.180 --> 4787.260] Shake their hand and say I'm so happy you're here. +[4787.260 --> 4789.060] Tell me what you love about our family. +[4789.060 --> 4794.100] Then come in, move the chair, 30% off center, +[4794.100 --> 4796.460] and have that same conversation. +[4796.460 --> 4798.140] Watch what happens. +[4798.140 --> 4800.700] We're all energy at the end of the day. +[4800.700 --> 4802.500] We're always constantly changing. +[4802.500 --> 4805.060] My friend at the FBI Frank Marge, you should have him on. +[4805.060 --> 4807.140] He says everything says something. +[4807.140 --> 4808.020] Everything says something. +[4808.020 --> 4810.740] Even no facial expressions says something. +[4810.740 --> 4812.100] 30% off center. +[4812.100 --> 4814.500] But you need, if I go into an office in the chairs right there, +[4814.500 --> 4815.780] you want me to move to the chair? +[4815.780 --> 4817.140] Yeah, yeah, I do. +[4817.140 --> 4818.660] I want you to come in, shake their hand, +[4818.660 --> 4820.620] move the chair, 30% off center. +[4820.620 --> 4824.340] When it's done, you shake the hand and you put the chair back. +[4824.340 --> 4825.420] So bookend it. +[4825.420 --> 4828.540] I end all of my days with my three children +[4828.540 --> 4830.340] with I call them up down ups. +[4830.340 --> 4831.740] Something good that happened today, +[4831.740 --> 4833.660] something not so good, and something good +[4833.660 --> 4835.580] that happened today, up down ups. +[4835.580 --> 4837.220] So we said, what are your up down ups? +[4837.220 --> 4839.020] I teach my kids for everyone bad thing. +[4839.020 --> 4840.860] There's a good thing bookending it. +[4840.860 --> 4842.740] And bookend it. +[4842.740 --> 4844.780] What are your pay? +[4844.780 --> 4848.220] You can use up down ups for yourself or your family. +[4848.220 --> 4850.340] I realize my three kids weren't sharing. +[4850.340 --> 4850.900] How was your day? +[4850.900 --> 4851.820] Good. +[4851.820 --> 4854.180] Up down ups, I know very specific information. +[4854.180 --> 4857.060] Just like you give information in that sandwich, +[4857.060 --> 4859.980] negative feedback, you put it in the middle. +[4859.980 --> 4861.340] I wouldn't give it at all. +[4861.340 --> 4864.660] I never take pictures of bad body language ever +[4864.660 --> 4867.220] because this Andrea Quinn, she teaches you +[4867.220 --> 4869.780] how to figure out your five IAMs who you are, who you were +[4869.780 --> 4870.980] born to be. +[4870.980 --> 4872.220] And I am truth. +[4872.220 --> 4873.300] I am power. +[4873.300 --> 4874.740] I am generosity. +[4874.740 --> 4877.580] I am a healer. +[4877.580 --> 4880.500] And I am open. +[4880.500 --> 4883.260] And healer, I said to Andrea Quinn, I am funny. +[4883.260 --> 4884.540] You know, it's such a do stand up comedy. +[4884.540 --> 4886.540] In my 20s in New York, I've opened up for Chris Rock, +[4886.540 --> 4888.420] Robin Williams, Ray Romano. +[4888.420 --> 4891.540] When I was 25, I had no pictures to prove it, Mel. +[4891.540 --> 4893.020] And I said, I'm funny. +[4893.020 --> 4894.220] She said, no. +[4894.220 --> 4896.780] Funny is I am a healer. +[4896.780 --> 4900.060] And it shifted my sense of humor like that. +[4900.060 --> 4903.780] How we talk about ourselves will change our actions, +[4903.780 --> 4904.820] our body language. +[4904.820 --> 4906.820] It goes back to that roots of the tree. +[4906.820 --> 4908.940] So when I take pictures, I used to take pictures +[4908.940 --> 4909.820] of bad body language. +[4909.820 --> 4910.340] And I would show it. +[4910.340 --> 4910.940] Don't do this. +[4910.940 --> 4915.220] Do this at the butt of the person with the negative body +[4915.220 --> 4915.980] language. +[4915.980 --> 4917.940] Now I use my humor for healing. +[4917.940 --> 4919.180] People, I'll come in from the back of the room. +[4919.180 --> 4920.980] I love elbow pops, by the way. +[4920.980 --> 4924.540] An elbow pop, very 30-year-old elbow pop too. +[4924.540 --> 4926.020] Yeah, you pop your elbow over the chair. +[4926.020 --> 4928.140] We'd see Liz Taylor do this with the long cigarette. +[4928.140 --> 4929.100] Look at me, boys. +[4929.100 --> 4930.060] Look at me. +[4930.060 --> 4933.460] Very confident to do an elbow pop, casual confidence. +[4933.500 --> 4935.020] And I'll go to the back of the room. +[4935.020 --> 4936.940] And I used to say, oh, look at this person. +[4936.940 --> 4939.620] They're important, or they think they're important. +[4939.620 --> 4940.700] And everyone would laugh. +[4940.700 --> 4942.460] Now I go, look at this person. +[4942.460 --> 4944.140] They're important, or they're on their way +[4944.140 --> 4945.420] to becoming important. +[4945.420 --> 4946.860] On the break, make sure all of you +[4946.860 --> 4948.220] get a picture with this person. +[4948.220 --> 4951.060] Because someday you may be working for them. +[4951.060 --> 4954.380] And that lens shift of I am a healer. +[4954.380 --> 4958.100] My humor's used for healing goes back to our words, +[4958.100 --> 4961.140] create the seeds, that then create what I believe about +[4961.140 --> 4962.980] myself, then changes my body language, +[4962.980 --> 4963.940] and changes what I think. +[4963.940 --> 4967.420] And so it's constantly going there. +[4967.420 --> 4967.940] Book end. +[4967.940 --> 4968.940] You got to go. +[4968.940 --> 4969.860] He and Shakes. +[4969.860 --> 4972.540] Book end, you're not going to be responsible for you. +[4972.540 --> 4973.060] I know. +[4973.060 --> 4973.260] I know. +[4973.260 --> 4974.460] Being late. +[4974.460 --> 4975.820] I am 30-year-old, Iver. +[4975.820 --> 4976.460] Hi, everybody. +[4976.460 --> 4977.020] Thanks, Mel. +[4977.020 --> 4977.540] I love you. +[4977.540 --> 4978.700] Thanks for changing the world. +[4978.700 --> 4980.980] If you stick around and listen to this whole interview, +[4980.980 --> 4981.740] I talk fast. +[4981.740 --> 4982.500] I'm a Boston girl. +[4982.500 --> 4984.260] Please rewatch it. +[4984.260 --> 4984.980] And listen. +[4984.980 --> 4986.540] And thanks, Mel, for doing what you're doing. +[4986.540 --> 4987.060] And I love you. +[4987.060 --> 4987.980] You're changing the world. +[4987.980 --> 4988.500] I love you, too. +[4988.500 --> 4990.420] I'm one of the people you've impacted. +[4990.420 --> 4992.940] Oh, well, you've absolutely impacted me, too. +[4993.220 --> 4993.780] I love you. +[4993.780 --> 4995.340] I give you an air hug when you arrive. +[4995.340 --> 4997.900] So I'm going to bookend it with an air hug back. +[4997.900 --> 4998.900] Bye, we'll be back today. +[4998.900 --> 4999.580] Love you, be safe. +[4999.580 --> 5000.620] Be kind to yourself. +[5000.620 --> 5001.860] Bye. +[5001.860 --> 5006.540] You know, interestingly, my biggest takeaway, I guess there +[5006.540 --> 5007.980] are two. +[5007.980 --> 5012.380] And I would love to hear your takeaway from this. +[5012.380 --> 5015.620] Now there's three, actually, because I +[5015.620 --> 5020.140] loved the way that she taught us all about steepling +[5020.140 --> 5023.820] in a meeting and how to use that to regain power +[5023.820 --> 5026.340] and exert dominance without saying a word when you're +[5026.340 --> 5028.900] being talked over, particularly for women. +[5028.900 --> 5032.260] Because I had always been told that if somebody's interrupting +[5032.260 --> 5034.900] you in a meeting, keep talking. +[5034.900 --> 5037.340] And don't let them interrupt you. +[5037.340 --> 5040.260] But I actually like the confidence +[5040.260 --> 5043.140] of kind of putting the steeple up kind of high, +[5043.140 --> 5046.300] like a giant triangular middle finger. +[5046.300 --> 5047.780] Thanks, Bob. +[5047.780 --> 5051.840] And leaning back like, OK, I'll wait while the hot air +[5051.840 --> 5053.540] comes out of your mouth. +[5053.540 --> 5056.120] And then doing that right eye to right eye +[5056.120 --> 5059.660] staring at your forehead kind of, you know how your dog often +[5059.660 --> 5060.380] does that. +[5060.380 --> 5061.380] I'm leaning back. +[5061.380 --> 5062.980] I was showing dominance. +[5062.980 --> 5066.860] Dominance, that was one thing that really made me go, +[5066.860 --> 5068.260] I'm going to try that. +[5068.260 --> 5070.540] Second thing, I just absolutely love. +[5070.540 --> 5072.020] Good to know. +[5072.020 --> 5074.380] Good to know. +[5074.380 --> 5075.660] How liberating. +[5075.660 --> 5079.260] That you don't have to waste your energy defending yourself, +[5079.260 --> 5083.300] explaining yourself or reacting to somebody's criticism, +[5083.300 --> 5086.580] somebody's complaint, somebody's anything +[5086.580 --> 5088.900] that you don't really care about. +[5088.900 --> 5091.700] It's just a good to know. +[5091.700 --> 5093.060] Good to know. +[5093.060 --> 5094.020] Boy, I like that one. +[5094.020 --> 5095.500] That was a really big one. +[5095.500 --> 5099.700] And the final big one for me was just this notion of, +[5099.700 --> 5104.500] I might be wrong, but, and giving yourself permission +[5104.500 --> 5109.940] to lean into your own intuition and wisdom +[5109.940 --> 5112.700] around decoding body language. +[5112.700 --> 5115.820] You know that I talk a lot about your inner wisdom. +[5115.820 --> 5122.540] And when you give yourself permission to spot a sign, +[5122.540 --> 5126.980] to catch somebody touching their eyes, shrugging their shoulders, +[5126.980 --> 5131.700] averting their eyes, when you know something feels a little off, +[5131.700 --> 5133.220] lean into it. +[5133.220 --> 5136.060] You know, I could be wrong here, but are you OK? +[5136.060 --> 5137.420] I could be wrong here, but it doesn't seem +[5137.420 --> 5139.580] like you want to do this tonight. +[5139.580 --> 5142.380] I could be wrong here, but there's some on your phone. +[5142.380 --> 5145.460] You don't want me to see. +[5145.460 --> 5147.180] Oh, wait, you know what? +[5147.180 --> 5149.460] I just thought of another one. +[5149.460 --> 5151.780] Do you remember when she questioned me? +[5151.780 --> 5155.540] And she said, I've heard that you're an honest person. +[5155.540 --> 5157.820] Is it true that you're an honest person? +[5157.820 --> 5160.220] That was world-class trickery. +[5160.220 --> 5162.700] It made me so nervous and on the spot +[5162.700 --> 5164.260] because she was complimenting me. +[5164.260 --> 5168.820] And I also knew she was on to me and that I had to be honest. +[5168.820 --> 5169.740] That was a good one too. +[5169.740 --> 5171.980] I got a lot out of this, actually. +[5171.980 --> 5173.580] And I don't know why I'm sounding surprised +[5173.580 --> 5175.860] because every time I talk to Janine, it's like, +[5175.860 --> 5177.940] pooh, pooh, pooh, pooh, pooh, pooh. +[5177.940 --> 5179.780] Well, I guess that's what you get when +[5179.780 --> 5181.220] you're talking to an expert that's +[5181.220 --> 5185.420] worked for the FBI and CIA studying murders for two decades. +[5185.420 --> 5192.660] So from true crime to truth telling to true deception, +[5192.660 --> 5193.900] we covered it all. +[5193.900 --> 5198.940] And I am confident that you left with some pretty empowering +[5198.940 --> 5202.500] and tactical tools that you can start using immediately. +[5202.500 --> 5204.900] And in case nobody else tells you, I'm +[5204.900 --> 5208.020] going to tell you that I love you. +[5208.020 --> 5209.900] And I'm looking right at you like this. +[5209.900 --> 5211.180] My shoulders are not drugged. +[5211.180 --> 5212.460] I love you. +[5212.460 --> 5213.620] I believe in you. +[5213.620 --> 5217.940] And I believe in your ability to tell the truth, +[5217.940 --> 5221.540] to spot the truth, and to create a better life. +[5221.540 --> 5223.460] I'll see you in a few days. +[5223.460 --> 5225.820] Oh, one more thing. +[5225.820 --> 5227.740] It's the legal language. +[5227.740 --> 5232.900] This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment +[5232.900 --> 5233.860] purposes. +[5233.860 --> 5236.340] It is not intended as a substitute +[5236.340 --> 5239.500] for the advice of a physician, professional coach, +[5239.500 --> 5242.540] psychotherapist, or other qualified profession. +[5243.060 --> 5261.900] Hey, it's Mel. +[5261.900 --> 5263.220] Thank you so much for being here. +[5263.220 --> 5267.420] If you enjoyed that video, bye, God, please subscribe. +[5267.420 --> 5269.100] Because I don't want you to miss a thing. +[5269.100 --> 5270.500] Thank you so much for being here. +[5270.500 --> 5272.740] We've got so much amazing stuff coming. +[5272.740 --> 5275.100] Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends +[5275.100 --> 5276.220] and your family. +[5276.220 --> 5277.140] I love you. +[5277.140 --> 5279.220] We create these videos for you. +[5279.220 --> 5281.260] So make sure you subscribe. +[5281.260 --> 5282.260] Wow. diff --git a/transcript/podcast_0VKAfVoockM.txt b/transcript/podcast_0VKAfVoockM.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..f2ff1a272dc332ca8bf7fc9338378cb1ee725bb6 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_0VKAfVoockM.txt @@ -0,0 +1,139 @@ +[0.000 --> 14.240] Hello everyone, welcome again to the program tips for English teachers. +[14.240 --> 21.400] In this opportunity we are going to talk about an important topic that is just church and +[21.400 --> 23.840] facial expressions. +[23.840 --> 27.760] And for this we have here two important guests. +[27.760 --> 35.400] Here we have Teddy, Mr. Teddy, he has a master in the teaching. +[35.400 --> 40.160] Hello beautiful creatures of the Lord. +[40.160 --> 45.080] I am very excited to be here to share our knowledge with all of you. +[45.080 --> 46.080] Thank you. +[46.080 --> 53.080] Okay and on the other hand we have Mrs. Brenda, she also has a master in English teaching. +[53.080 --> 54.080] Brenda? +[54.080 --> 62.080] Hello dear guys, it is a pleasure to be here sharing information on this beautiful topic. +[62.080 --> 63.080] Okay. +[63.080 --> 70.080] Okay so we are going to start making questions about this topic. +[70.080 --> 77.080] Okay the first question is what do you think about just tools and facial expressions? +[77.080 --> 82.080] Do you think they are important, Mr. Teddy? +[82.080 --> 85.080] Okay that is a good question. +[85.080 --> 92.080] Okay and I think the just children facial expressions are very important necessary in the classroom. +[92.080 --> 99.080] Okay thanks to this course we ask the language graduate can transmit the messages +[100.080 --> 102.080] more easily to the students. +[102.080 --> 106.080] It is more easily to understand the messages in other words. +[106.080 --> 110.080] Okay and Mrs. Brenda what do you think about this? +[110.080 --> 119.080] I think just to facial expressions are part of communication provide, providing visual support +[119.080 --> 125.080] and better understanding what is being communicated. +[126.080 --> 135.080] Yeah you have wisdom, okay as teacher it is important to complement and reinforce the facial expression +[135.080 --> 138.080] that you want to transmit to your students. +[138.080 --> 151.080] Okay so we have the following question that is what are the common gestures that you usually use to organize your classroom, Mr. Teddy? +[152.080 --> 161.080] Okay in the classroom as a teacher we can use many gestures and facial expressions. +[161.080 --> 171.080] For example we have the stand up, stand up is something like this, stand up students. +[171.080 --> 176.080] Stand up when we want to the students stand up. +[177.080 --> 187.080] And also we have sit down, it is the contrary of the stand up, it is like this, students sit down, sit down, sit down. +[187.080 --> 198.080] And another for example we have when we want the students repeat, repeat together, we use everybody say together, it is like this. +[198.080 --> 209.080] Everybody say together, say together, say again, everybody say together, it is like this, this is the gesture. +[209.080 --> 216.080] Okay Mr. Teddy is interesting, okay Mrs. Brenda what about you? +[216.080 --> 225.080] Okay yes other important gestures to organize the class are for example in this cake. +[225.080 --> 229.080] Okay please, can you hold me? +[229.080 --> 236.080] So it is working around, working around, yes, working around. +[236.080 --> 246.080] It is referred for example to working individually, another is for example, speak your answer, speak your answer. +[246.080 --> 253.080] Yes, it is referred to when I want to answer two answers to the questions. +[253.080 --> 260.080] And the other gestures for example, write your answer. +[260.080 --> 262.080] Write your answer. +[262.080 --> 266.080] Yes, refers to the right, right? +[266.080 --> 275.080] Yes, yes of course, these are common gestures that we as a teacher used to organize our class. +[275.080 --> 289.080] So the another question is here we are going to make, we are going to put a situation in this case. +[289.080 --> 304.080] For example, when your students are talking what you are explaining about a topic, imagine that you are explaining a topic and your students are talking, making noise. +[304.080 --> 310.080] Okay, what gestures do you use to keep the order in the classroom? +[310.080 --> 317.080] For example, you Mr. Teddy, what gestures do you use? +[317.080 --> 324.080] Okay, well that you say, that happens in a lot in the classroom. +[324.080 --> 326.080] Yes always. +[326.080 --> 333.080] As a teacher we use a little drastic, but it is necessary in this case. +[333.080 --> 345.080] For example, we use the typical, when we need a science in the classroom, we like this. +[345.080 --> 347.080] Like this. +[347.080 --> 361.080] And all the other things we use, also we use when I imagine, for example, when the students are talking with other students and we need attention of these students, +[361.080 --> 372.080] we can, just so we can hit the table, for example like this, with a table like this, I like this, for example. +[372.080 --> 379.080] To get attention of the students, that is the two more I use as a teacher. +[379.080 --> 391.080] Okay, and what about you Mr. Brenda, what gestures do you use to keep the attention of keeping order in your classroom? +[392.080 --> 404.080] For example, when my students are talking class, while I am explaining, I use some gestures, for example. +[404.080 --> 409.080] Listen to me. +[410.080 --> 421.080] To stop them from making noise or in sound case, for example, stop talking. +[421.080 --> 423.080] Stop talking. +[423.080 --> 426.080] To silence that in the media too. +[426.080 --> 428.080] Stop talking. +[428.080 --> 432.080] Okay, this is an example for gestures. +[432.080 --> 436.080] Okay, these are interesting gestures. +[436.080 --> 442.080] Okay, then KTAP features to keep the order in the classroom. +[442.080 --> 447.080] And the next question is about tips. +[447.080 --> 457.080] So Mr. Terry, can you give me some tips using gestures and facial expressions? +[457.080 --> 459.080] Sure. +[459.080 --> 469.080] I think the most important thing we must keep in mind in the gestures, I think the most important is, +[469.080 --> 473.080] the gestures have to be clear in easy to understand to the students. +[473.080 --> 480.080] And also the gestures have to apply in three steps. +[480.080 --> 487.080] The first is make the gestures. +[487.080 --> 492.080] Second, maintain for a while the gestures and third, stop the gestures. +[492.080 --> 497.080] For example, like this, make the gestures stand up. +[497.080 --> 500.080] First, stand up, make the gestures. +[500.080 --> 505.080] Second, maintain the gestures for a while, stand up, stand up, still then. +[505.080 --> 508.080] And then stop the gestures. +[508.080 --> 512.080] So we have to apply the gestures in three steps. +[512.080 --> 516.080] Okay, it's an important tip for you teachers. +[516.080 --> 522.080] You have to use this tip, I give, from Mr. Terry. +[522.080 --> 526.080] And now, what about you, Mrs. Brenda? +[526.080 --> 532.080] What do you think? What are the tips that you give for using gestures? +[532.080 --> 534.080] Yes, that's right. +[534.080 --> 540.080] To convey reaction is important to use an eye-brown. +[540.080 --> 542.080] Yes, especially to show interest. +[542.080 --> 547.080] Interest and encourage them to continue talking. +[547.080 --> 551.080] It's always good to exaggerate. +[551.080 --> 555.080] Okay, I'm browned moving in class. +[555.080 --> 559.080] For example, eye, eye-brown. +[559.080 --> 568.080] It's moving in class, but yes, but right eye-browns are always used to convey the behavior. +[568.080 --> 569.080] Okay? +[569.080 --> 572.080] Yes, it is very important. +[572.080 --> 578.080] Thank you Mrs. Brenda for giving us these tips. +[578.080 --> 586.080] And these tips are going to help us as teachers, because it's important to use these gestures +[586.080 --> 591.080] to give us traction, maintain the order, organize our classroom. +[591.080 --> 592.080] Okay? +[592.080 --> 597.080] So now we have another question. +[597.080 --> 598.080] Okay? +[598.080 --> 604.080] That is, yeah, this is a controversial topic. +[604.080 --> 605.080] Okay? +[605.080 --> 611.080] So the question is, do you think the eye contact, okay? +[611.080 --> 615.080] Eye contact with your students, it's important. +[615.080 --> 619.080] What do you think Mr. Teddy? +[619.080 --> 620.080] Okay. +[620.080 --> 625.080] Okay, eye contact, yeah, as you said, it's a controversial topic. +[625.080 --> 629.080] But I think, of course, no, this is sorry. +[629.080 --> 635.080] As a teacher, we need to have good eye contact with the students. +[635.080 --> 642.080] Because I think that way they will know that you are paying attention to them. +[642.080 --> 647.080] And they should know that they are important. +[647.080 --> 651.080] They should know that they are important for me, for example, as a teacher. +[651.080 --> 655.080] And I think that's, yeah, I think that's very important. +[655.080 --> 658.080] It's very important to have good contact with the students. +[658.080 --> 659.080] Okay. +[659.080 --> 661.080] And what about you, Mrs. Brenda? +[661.080 --> 664.080] What do you think about this topic? +[664.080 --> 669.080] What do you think about eye contact with your students? +[669.080 --> 676.080] Yes, it is very important that you express how you feel through eye contact. +[676.080 --> 682.080] Because it is good to express your change, reactions, or your sense of mood, +[682.080 --> 686.080] but always keeping your guests, but of the students. +[686.080 --> 693.080] Not at the wall or other days, they're hit. +[693.080 --> 699.080] Now, it is very important that you express your eye contact. +[699.080 --> 701.080] Okay, Mrs. Brenda. +[701.080 --> 705.080] So, of course, yeah, eye contact is important. +[705.080 --> 711.080] Eye contact with your students is important because, as you said, Mr. Teddy, +[711.080 --> 719.080] students can feel comfortable with the teachers. +[719.080 --> 724.080] And, yeah, summarizing this topic, okay. +[724.080 --> 730.080] I can say that gestures are important for teachers, okay, +[730.080 --> 738.080] because, as I said before, gestures help the teachers to give instructions clear +[738.080 --> 745.080] and also help students better understand what the teacher is explaining, okay. +[745.080 --> 750.080] And, yeah, thank you for being here. +[750.080 --> 753.080] And I think that's all. +[753.080 --> 758.080] Thank you, Mr. Teddy, thank you, Mrs. Brenda. +[758.080 --> 760.080] Bye! +[760.080 --> 762.080] Thank you for watching. +[762.080 --> 769.080] And remember to use gestures and facial expressions in your classroom. +[769.080 --> 771.080] See you in the next video. +[771.080 --> 772.080] Bye! +[772.080 --> 774.080] Thank you very much! +[775.080 --> 776.080] Bye! +[805.080 --> 807.080] Bye! diff --git a/transcript/podcast_15-Hifp15SU.txt b/transcript/podcast_15-Hifp15SU.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..05a294432e898b855f3dca17ddb33d7004b2be76 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_15-Hifp15SU.txt @@ -0,0 +1,81 @@ +[0.000 --> 13.440] Alright, so you want to make friends with that stray cat, huh? That's awesome. We're going +[13.440 --> 19.760] deep on those YouTube videos you sent from Senior Cat Wellness, U-A-Pet and Aquatic Info. +[19.760 --> 23.520] Watching those kind of took me back to my own adventures and befriending the neighborhood +[23.520 --> 26.800] cats over the years. Some worked out better than others. +[26.800 --> 28.400] Every cat is their own cat, that's for sure. +[28.400 --> 33.080] Yeah, no doubt. But one thing that really struck me was how all those videos were on the +[33.080 --> 39.120] same page about this. Getting a stray to trust you, it's like any relationship, no shortcuts. +[39.120 --> 42.760] Right. It is interesting when you think about it. Easy to forget that to a cat. We're like +[42.760 --> 47.040] these giant question marks, you know, liable to do anything. +[47.040 --> 51.560] We're real. And speaking of earning trust, all three videos were all about food. Like +[51.560 --> 57.400] that's the secret sauce. And we'll pet specifically calling out tuna genius. What makes that so +[57.400 --> 62.040] effective? Well, you know how much stronger a cat sense of smell is than ours, right? +[62.040 --> 67.400] Hmm. So that tuna scent, forget about it. It's like irresistible to them. It's fulfilling a +[67.400 --> 72.840] basic need. And they're connecting that good feeling with you, the one who's giving them that yummy meal. +[72.840 --> 78.440] Okay, so I'm picturing this. I set out this gourmet tuna buffet instant best buds. +[78.840 --> 83.800] Oh, if only over that easy. Senior cat wellness, they really made me stop and think they said, +[83.800 --> 90.120] it could be weeks to really get a cat to trust you weeks weeks. Okay, now that's some straight talk +[90.120 --> 93.640] right there. I'm getting antsy just hearing that, but I get it. It's not like we can just invite +[93.640 --> 97.880] them in for tea in a chat, right? Exactly. And they also made a really good point about cats being, +[97.880 --> 102.680] well, cats, independent creatures, right? We're on their home turf. Got to play by their rules. +[102.680 --> 107.720] Earning trust means we respect their space. Let them set the pace. Okay, so no rushing in. Got it. +[107.720 --> 113.320] And speaking of space, let's talk body language. Senior cat wellness, they were all about moving +[113.320 --> 119.000] slow, not making any sudden move so we don't seem scary. But then aqua tech info, they mentioned +[119.000 --> 125.320] getting los amigos. Yeah, los amigos. Now, my Spanish is a little rusty, but I'm pretty sure that +[125.320 --> 130.040] translates to friends. Are we talking about rolling up with the whole crew to try and win this cat over? +[130.040 --> 134.680] That doesn't sound very low key. Uh-huh. Yeah, I can see it now. No, no, don't worry. No need to start a +[134.680 --> 140.600] congeliner or anything. Well, some amigos. In this case, it's more about other cats, you know, +[140.600 --> 144.040] the ones who the stray already hangs out with cats have their own social circles. +[144.040 --> 148.600] Yeah. Having a friendly face or should I say a friendly whisker vouch for you, that can really +[148.600 --> 154.680] help. Oh, okay. So less of a cat party more like some feline diplomacy at play. I like it. But +[154.680 --> 159.720] still, we're taking cues from the stray, right? Absolutely. Watch how they are around the other +[159.720 --> 164.600] cats in the area first. See how they approach each other. Let that guide you. Got it. No sudden +[164.680 --> 170.440] moves. No congel lines. Just chill vibes. Let the cats do their thing. Sounds like a solid plan to +[170.440 --> 177.160] me. That's the ticket. It all goes back to remembering each cat is different and their body language. +[177.160 --> 182.520] It'll tell you a lot that relax tail, those slow blanks. Those are good signs. But if you see +[182.520 --> 188.200] hissing, arched back, ears, flat time to back up and give them some space. It's pretty amazing. When +[188.200 --> 193.000] you think about it, how much we can learn just from watching animals. It really is, isn't it? Yeah. +[193.000 --> 197.240] Reminds me of something. See your cat wellness mentioned about like the different ways this whole +[197.240 --> 202.120] befriending a stray thing can go. Like they talked about everything from just putting out some food +[202.120 --> 206.120] and water to the cat actually starting to hang around regularly. Got me thinking, what's a realistic +[206.120 --> 212.120] goal here? I mean, yeah, right. Yeah. Picture this. Me and this cat snuggled up on the couch one +[212.120 --> 218.040] day. That'd be the dream. That'd be real too. So how do we even define success? If it's not +[218.040 --> 223.800] necessarily about turning a stray into a full on house cat. I actually really like that question. +[224.520 --> 228.520] It kind of shows what's so cool about these interactions. The each one's its own thing, right? +[228.520 --> 232.840] Success doesn't have to look the same for everyone. For some people, maybe it's about making life +[232.840 --> 237.960] a little better for the cat, making sure they've got food, fresh water, maybe even a little shelter +[237.960 --> 242.600] if things are rough. Yeah, just making their lives a little easier, a little less stressful. Exactly. +[242.600 --> 246.120] And then there's those moments, you know, those little moments where you can tell there's some +[246.120 --> 252.600] trust building. Like you mentioned a stray rubbing up against their leg. That is a huge deal for a cat +[253.320 --> 257.880] or say the cat starts eating closer and closer to you. Little winds, maybe they don't seem like much, +[257.880 --> 264.280] but in cat language, it's huge. I love that celebrating the small victories. Like it's not about +[264.920 --> 270.120] making something happen. It's about appreciating every little bit of progress, you know? Every step +[270.120 --> 276.120] closer to that bond, it's like the journey is important as the destination. Totally. And hey, who knows? +[276.120 --> 279.960] Maybe the journey does lead to some couch cuddles down the line. Yeah. But even if it doesn't, +[279.960 --> 284.680] the connection, the trust that's so rewarding for both of you. You know what? This whole deep dive, +[284.680 --> 291.000] it's really got me thinking, if we're approaching a stray, and these are animals that are naturally like +[291.000 --> 295.880] cautious, got to do things on their own terms. If we can be this patient, this understanding with them, +[296.840 --> 302.680] how would that change how we are with all animals, even the ones we live with are pets. Oh, that's +[302.680 --> 308.360] a good one. It's like we're talking about a whole different level of empathy. Yeah. Yeah. Instead of +[308.360 --> 312.920] just thinking about what we want, we're trying to see the world from their point of view. Totally. And +[312.920 --> 317.160] you know, it makes me think about this friend of mine. They have this dog and he is terrified of new +[317.160 --> 321.880] people. I wonder if I could use some of these same ideas, like letting him decide when to come closer, +[322.520 --> 326.520] really paying attention to what he's saying with his body language. I wonder if that could help +[326.520 --> 333.000] him feel a bit safer. 100%. Yeah. It's amazing what we can learn from these deep dives, right? +[333.000 --> 336.600] And how we can take those lessons, use them and all kinds of relationships. I know, right? I'm +[336.600 --> 340.040] already feeling closer to that stray. Just thinking about all this. It's like you were saying, +[340.040 --> 344.280] celebrating those little winds, like, oh, little, your twitch there. Are one of those slow blinks, +[344.280 --> 349.560] man? Even a tail wag in my direction, I'd be thrilled. The best, right? Those little signs, +[349.560 --> 356.200] those will tell you it's working. Makes you think if we can approach a stray cat and these guys, +[356.200 --> 360.920] they're naturally, what's word cautious? If we can be this patient with them, this understanding, +[361.800 --> 366.520] how different would our relationships with all animals be? Even the ones we already know? +[366.520 --> 371.480] Wow. Yeah. That is a big thought, isn't it? Like are we talking about like next level empathy here? +[371.480 --> 376.440] Or what? Right. Instead of coming at it from like the human point of view all the time. Yeah. +[376.440 --> 381.080] What if we tried to see things their way? Love that. And it actually, it makes me think about, +[381.080 --> 386.440] my friend has this dog and he is like terrified of anyone new. I wonder if I could use some of these +[386.440 --> 391.720] same ideas like letting him decide when to come closer, really watching his body language. Maybe +[391.720 --> 396.920] that could help him feel less scared. Totally. That's the thing about these deep dives, right? They +[396.920 --> 402.440] make you think in new ways. And then you start to see how you can use what you've learned in all +[402.440 --> 407.160] parts of your life. Not just with cats, you know? Totally. Totally. This has been, wow, +[407.160 --> 412.040] eye opening is an understatement to our listener out there. Hey, best of luck with your new furry friend. +[412.040 --> 416.440] Remember, patience, understanding and a little tune I never heard either right. diff --git a/transcript/podcast_4jwUXV4QaTw.txt b/transcript/podcast_4jwUXV4QaTw.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..a8f6d859c292c049ed154a4d6cc38aed50f9666b --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_4jwUXV4QaTw.txt @@ -0,0 +1,273 @@ +[0.000 --> 5.160] Nonverbels are anything that communicates but is not a word. +[5.160 --> 8.500] The public knows them as body language. +[8.500 --> 12.600] How we dress, how we walk, have meaning, +[12.600 --> 17.800] and we use that to interpret what's in the mind of the person. +[17.800 --> 30.200] My name is Joan Avaro and for 25 years I was a special agent with the FBI. +[30.200 --> 33.200] My job was to catch spies. +[33.200 --> 37.200] Most of my career I spent within the National Security Division. +[37.200 --> 42.200] A lot of it had to do with looking at specific targets and then it was about, +[42.200 --> 45.800] how do we get in their heads and how do we neutralize them. +[45.800 --> 48.800] Our security is based on nonverbels. +[48.800 --> 51.200] We look at the person through the people. +[51.200 --> 54.700] We look at who's behind us at the ATM machine. +[54.700 --> 60.200] We know from the research that most of us select our mates based on nonverbels. +[60.200 --> 66.700] So we may think we're very sophisticated but in fact we are never in a state +[66.700 --> 69.700] where we're not transmitting information. +[69.700 --> 72.700] There's a lot of myths out there. +[72.800 --> 78.600] The ones that stand out is if you cross your arms that it's a blocking behavior. +[78.600 --> 80.100] That's just nonsense. +[80.100 --> 83.300] Even when you don't like the person that is in front of you, +[83.300 --> 84.900] this isn't to block them out. +[84.900 --> 88.300] It's actually to self-suit because in essence it's a self-hug. +[88.300 --> 91.900] When you're sitting at a movie and you're watching, you're going to cross your arms. +[91.900 --> 93.400] You're waiting for somebody. +[93.400 --> 94.800] You tend to do this. +[94.800 --> 99.100] What's interesting is we do this behavior more in public than in private. +[99.100 --> 104.000] The other one that really stands out is as we think about something, +[104.000 --> 106.200] we may look in a certain way. +[106.200 --> 109.700] As we process the information, we may look in another way. +[109.700 --> 114.400] It's certainly not indicative of deception and it really shouldn't be used that way. +[114.400 --> 117.700] All we can say is the person is processing the information. +[117.700 --> 121.700] The other misconceptions are that if the person clears or throats, +[121.700 --> 125.200] touches their nose or covers their mouth, they're lying. +[125.300 --> 129.000] We do these behaviors as self-suthers. +[129.000 --> 134.400] They're pacifying behaviors scientifically and empirically. +[134.400 --> 136.600] There's just no Pinocchio effect. +[136.600 --> 138.800] And people who prattle that and say, +[138.800 --> 144.600] well, we can detect deception because the person touches their nose or covers their mouth. +[144.600 --> 146.100] That's just sheer nonsense. +[146.100 --> 150.300] We humans are lousy at detecting deception. +[150.400 --> 155.200] Espionage work is often nowhere near what we see in movies. +[155.200 --> 159.900] And in one of the cases, we had information from another country saying, +[159.900 --> 166.900] you have an American we think is actually a mole who somehow entered the United States +[166.900 --> 169.300] is able to pass as an American, +[169.300 --> 172.900] but he's here working for a hostile intelligence service. +[172.900 --> 175.400] And just fortuitously, +[175.400 --> 179.600] he was videographed coming out of a flower shop. +[179.600 --> 183.700] We're looking at the video and everybody in our small unit, +[183.700 --> 185.700] we were saying, well, there's not much there. +[185.700 --> 188.400] He's coming out of the shop, getting in his car. +[188.400 --> 191.000] And I said, stop the film right there. +[191.000 --> 194.200] Just as he came out of the shop, he took the flowers. +[194.200 --> 198.400] And most Americans tend to hold the flowers by the stock +[198.400 --> 200.200] so that the flowers are up. +[200.200 --> 205.900] This individual took them and grabbed the stock and then held the flowers +[205.900 --> 207.900] so that they were facing down. +[208.000 --> 211.000] And I said, that's how they carry flowers in Eastern Europe. +[211.000 --> 214.800] Rather than confront him about, are you a spy? +[214.800 --> 217.500] I decided to do what's called a presumptive. +[217.500 --> 222.400] So as I sat there with him, I said, would you like to know how we know? +[222.400 --> 226.800] And he had this look on his face and I said, it was the flowers. +[226.800 --> 229.800] And then he confessed. +[229.800 --> 231.800] When I came into law enforcement, +[231.800 --> 235.100] I thought it was all about the confession. +[235.100 --> 237.100] It's really about FaceTime. +[237.100 --> 243.800] In my 25 years in the FBI, it was a rarity that a person +[243.800 --> 248.900] didn't eventually reveal what I needed to know +[248.900 --> 256.000] because we would sit down and have these very lengthy conversations. +[256.000 --> 259.500] I look at behaviors to do an assessment. +[259.500 --> 264.000] What is this person transmitting in relations to any stimuli? +[264.000 --> 270.500] My further questioning comes from my observing these behaviors. +[270.500 --> 273.100] The first thing I look at is I look at the hair. +[273.100 --> 274.400] Does it look healthy? +[274.400 --> 276.100] Does it look well groomed? +[276.100 --> 281.200] The forehead is very interesting because a lot of times we reveal stress. +[281.200 --> 286.000] A lot of the things that we have gone through life are often etched in the forehead. +[286.000 --> 289.800] I look at the eyes to see if they're red or not enough sleep. +[289.800 --> 293.700] The small area here between the eyes called the globella. +[293.700 --> 297.800] It's one of the first areas that reveals information to us. +[297.800 --> 300.600] Most often when we don't like something, +[300.600 --> 303.600] we do that bunny nose of I don't like. +[303.600 --> 306.600] We don't really know what our lips look like. +[306.600 --> 310.200] And we tend to compress them when something bothers us, +[310.200 --> 313.600] when something really bothers us, we tend to suck them in. +[313.600 --> 316.000] The mandibula and look at the cheeks. +[316.000 --> 317.500] We may do something like this. +[317.500 --> 323.100] We'll rub our tongue against the inside of the cheek. +[323.200 --> 325.000] But when we try to hide it, +[325.000 --> 329.500] then it tells me that this person is trying to do some perception management. +[329.500 --> 331.600] And if they are, I want to know why. +[331.600 --> 334.500] At the neck, I want to see if there's any head tilt. +[334.500 --> 337.200] Because head tilt, the person is more relaxed. +[337.200 --> 339.200] The minute the head tilt goes away, +[339.200 --> 340.900] there's usually some issue. +[340.900 --> 342.700] I'm looking at the shoulders. +[342.700 --> 344.500] You ask somebody a question and they don't know, +[344.500 --> 346.700] both shoulders shoot up very quickly. +[346.700 --> 348.700] And then I look at the hands. +[348.700 --> 350.500] When something's troubling us, +[350.500 --> 353.900] we tend to stiffen our fingers, interlace them, +[353.900 --> 356.400] and almost like a teepee, +[356.400 --> 361.000] we move our hands back and forth very slowly. +[361.000 --> 365.600] This is to be differentiated from when we do the steeple, +[365.600 --> 367.500] which we do in this position. +[367.500 --> 369.200] When something's at issue, +[369.200 --> 371.700] we tend to put our hands on our hips +[371.700 --> 374.000] and we become very territorial. +[374.000 --> 375.900] This is called arms a Kimbo. +[375.900 --> 378.000] But look how it changes. +[378.100 --> 380.400] When we put our thumbs forward, +[380.400 --> 384.000] and then it becomes one of more of, I'm inquisitive. +[384.000 --> 388.600] But I also look for any behaviors of ventilating, +[388.600 --> 391.700] because men tend to ventilate at the neck, +[391.700 --> 395.200] and we do at the very instant something bothers us. +[395.200 --> 399.500] And then I look at the legs to see if there's any brushing +[399.500 --> 401.600] of the legs with the hands, +[401.600 --> 404.300] which is again, to pacify. +[404.300 --> 407.600] And then the feet do I see any behaviors +[407.600 --> 411.200] such as wiggling of the feet, kicking of the feet. +[411.200 --> 414.400] If I ask a question and all of a sudden the feet with draw +[414.400 --> 417.400] in our cross, perhaps the person feels a little threatened +[417.400 --> 418.400] by that question. +[418.400 --> 420.100] So when we study nonverbals, +[420.100 --> 422.900] it's not about making judgments, +[422.900 --> 426.800] it's about assessing what is this person transmitting +[426.800 --> 427.800] in that moment. +[429.900 --> 433.800] It really is looking at an individual and saying, +[433.800 --> 435.600] what are they transmitting? +[435.700 --> 438.400] We're all transmitting at all times. +[438.400 --> 441.200] We choose the clothes that we wear, +[441.200 --> 444.200] how we groom ourselves, how we dress, +[444.200 --> 446.400] but also how do we carry ourselves? +[446.400 --> 449.800] Are we coming to the office on this particular day +[449.800 --> 451.000] with a lot of energy, +[451.000 --> 454.700] or are we coming in with a different sort of pace? +[454.700 --> 458.000] And what we look for are differences in behavior +[458.000 --> 463.100] down to the minutia of what is this individual's posture +[463.100 --> 465.400] as they're walking down the street, +[465.500 --> 467.800] are they on the inside of the sidewalk, +[467.800 --> 469.000] on the outside? +[469.000 --> 470.800] Can we see his blink rate? +[470.800 --> 473.800] Can we see how often he's looking at his watch? +[473.800 --> 477.200] I know your blink rate is around eight times a minute, +[477.200 --> 478.200] but you don't know that. +[478.200 --> 480.200] You're not sitting there counting. +[480.200 --> 483.200] All these things factor in because they're transmitting +[483.200 --> 484.200] information. +[484.200 --> 488.400] Now it's up to us to then use that information to say, +[488.400 --> 490.900] okay, we need to marshal resources +[490.900 --> 493.600] to be on that individual right now. +[496.200 --> 505.800] So in most Western cultures, +[505.800 --> 509.800] the first time people touch is when they shake hands. +[509.800 --> 512.700] Touching becomes that important +[512.700 --> 514.600] because we can always remember a time +[514.600 --> 517.800] when we shook hands with someone and we didn't like that. +[517.800 --> 522.200] It's also the first time when our bodies release +[522.700 --> 525.800] bonding chemicals that say I like this person +[525.800 --> 527.300] or I don't like this person. +[527.300 --> 532.600] So hand shaking is both necessary and essential +[532.600 --> 533.600] in most cultures. +[540.600 --> 542.600] Ladies, hi, I'm Joe Navarro. +[542.600 --> 543.400] Joe, I'm Laura. +[543.400 --> 544.400] Laura, how are you? +[544.400 --> 545.600] And you are? +[545.600 --> 547.000] Katisha, how are you? +[547.000 --> 548.000] Okay. +[548.000 --> 549.600] Let me ask you this. +[549.600 --> 551.000] Let's back up a little bit. +[552.800 --> 554.600] Is this comfortable for you? +[554.600 --> 555.400] Yes. +[555.400 --> 556.600] Yeah. +[556.600 --> 558.600] It's a little bit more comfortable. +[558.600 --> 560.200] But it's not for you, is it? +[560.200 --> 561.200] No. +[561.200 --> 562.000] All right. +[562.000 --> 562.800] Thank you. +[562.800 --> 563.400] All right. +[563.400 --> 564.800] So keep talking. +[566.400 --> 569.900] What we've done here is we've talked about the importance +[569.900 --> 572.400] of space and comfort. +[572.400 --> 576.200] They don't realize is how much further apart they are now +[576.200 --> 581.600] standing and it's because we have brought this subject up +[581.600 --> 585.200] to make them comfortable about saying, hey, +[585.200 --> 589.400] it's okay to be comfortable at your perfect distance. +[589.400 --> 594.200] And so now we see when they rock, they rock away from each other +[594.200 --> 597.200] and they create this space. +[597.200 --> 601.900] If you notice, their feet tend to move around more. +[601.900 --> 607.000] There's a dynamic going on here where they're kind of +[607.000 --> 609.700] trying to find, well, what is the perfect space? +[609.700 --> 611.700] What is the perfect distance? +[611.700 --> 614.900] And we know that they're unsettled because of the high +[614.900 --> 617.900] degree of movement that's going on. +[623.300 --> 625.200] Poker is an interesting game. +[625.200 --> 630.100] The similitudes of sitting across from a spy or sitting across +[630.100 --> 634.900] from players, it's their reactions to a stimulus. +[634.900 --> 639.900] We have behaviors indicative of psychological discomfort +[639.900 --> 645.300] that we use at home, at work, or at the poker table. +[645.300 --> 648.100] So we're going to take a look at poker players and some of +[648.100 --> 653.100] the body language that you'll find at a typical poker game. +[653.100 --> 653.600] All right. +[653.600 --> 655.600] All right. +[655.600 --> 659.600] So we'll pause it right there. +[659.600 --> 663.300] So one of the things that you first notice is that when a +[663.300 --> 666.700] table is called, this is the first time many of them see +[666.700 --> 667.700] each other. +[667.700 --> 672.100] This is a great opportunity to be looking for behaviors +[672.100 --> 674.100] indicative of discomfort. +[674.100 --> 677.200] We're going to see the individual shifting in his chair. +[677.200 --> 680.700] We're going to see one individual reaching over and +[680.700 --> 682.300] grabbing his shoulder. +[682.300 --> 686.100] The woman in this case, her shoulders are rather high. +[686.100 --> 689.300] This is a great opportunity, even before the game starts to +[689.300 --> 692.200] collect poker intelligence. +[692.600 --> 693.600] All right, guys. +[693.600 --> 695.600] What is good? +[695.600 --> 697.600] So we'll stop right there. +[697.600 --> 699.600] Look where their hands are at. +[699.600 --> 702.400] Here we're looking at player number two and number three. +[702.400 --> 706.400] And we notice right away that their hands are on top of the cards. +[706.400 --> 708.700] Some players will cage their cards. +[708.700 --> 712.200] Some players will put their hands directly on top and press +[712.200 --> 713.000] them down. +[713.000 --> 717.000] And they may do that because the cards have now increased in value. +[717.000 --> 720.000] Player number one tends to keep his hands very close to his +[720.000 --> 720.900] body. +[720.900 --> 725.100] Player number four, she's actually withdrawn her hands from the +[725.100 --> 729.000] table because when we like things, we tend to move our hands +[729.000 --> 729.900] forward. +[729.900 --> 734.000] When we don't like things, we tend to move the hands away. +[734.000 --> 735.800] Guys, only cards. +[735.800 --> 739.000] So as we look at player number three, I'm often asked about +[739.000 --> 741.800] players who shuffle their chips. +[741.800 --> 744.600] What you're really doing is self-suiting. +[744.600 --> 747.400] And this just helps you to make it through the game. +[747.400 --> 750.800] And that's really all we're looking for. +[750.800 --> 752.600] Oh, come on. +[752.600 --> 755.200] OK, so we'll stop right there. +[755.200 --> 758.400] Player number five is sitting there, arms crossed. +[758.400 --> 760.400] You don't see a lot of activity. +[760.400 --> 763.900] That doesn't mean he's not transmitting a lot of information. +[763.900 --> 768.400] On down the line, I want to see where those thumbs of his are +[768.400 --> 772.400] because he holds them very close when nothing's going on. +[772.400 --> 776.000] But does that change as the game evolves? +[776.000 --> 777.300] If you're looking at non-verbals, it's +[777.300 --> 780.700] often useful to look at them at double the speed because all +[780.700 --> 784.200] the non-verbals that are critical jump out at you as though +[784.200 --> 786.200] it were a caricature. +[786.200 --> 790.800] All right, so stop right there. +[790.800 --> 794.300] The woman in position number four, you see her head moving +[794.300 --> 795.800] around quite a bit. +[795.800 --> 800.400] Player number three, you see a lot of activity with his hands. +[800.400 --> 804.400] When we look at player number five, now his hands are fully +[804.400 --> 805.000] out. +[805.000 --> 808.400] This is as far as we've seen them before. +[808.400 --> 811.200] At this point, we know that he's engaged and that he's +[811.200 --> 812.700] interested. +[812.700 --> 815.400] Now, the game is out in the open. +[815.400 --> 820.300] 75% to 80% of the information we need is sitting out there. +[820.300 --> 823.500] What you often see is everybody's looking at their own cards +[823.500 --> 827.100] or looking at the community cards rather than looking around. +[827.100 --> 830.200] You should be looking around to see what was the reaction +[830.200 --> 833.700] because you're going to see that reaction again. +[833.700 --> 838.100] In poker, we used to say that you can have a poker face, +[838.100 --> 841.700] but I encountered you can't have a poker body. +[841.700 --> 846.100] Somewhere, it's going to be revealed. +[846.100 --> 850.200] When I was in college in the early 70s, there were really no +[850.200 --> 853.200] courses on non-verbal communications. +[853.200 --> 857.400] You quickly realize that to a great extent, it's really about +[857.400 --> 859.600] what you can interpret from behavior. +[859.600 --> 863.100] And so we talk about non-verbels because it matters, +[863.100 --> 866.100] because it has gravitas, because it affects how we +[866.100 --> 867.600] communicate with each other. +[867.600 --> 871.600] When it comes to non-verbels, this is no small matter. +[871.600 --> 877.600] We primarily communicate non-verbaly, and we always will. diff --git a/transcript/podcast_73SHFFpm4J4.txt b/transcript/podcast_73SHFFpm4J4.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..b7faba21c0f992547dcd15f91c261a43dd4b82b8 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_73SHFFpm4J4.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2062 @@ +[0.000 --> 2.800] What's your story? Oh, I hate that question. +[4.160 --> 7.520] Here's a classic mistake that I see all the time. Hey, everyone. +[7.520 --> 10.000] You're on zoom and your shoulders are up your ears. +[10.000 --> 13.600] Morning. Your first impression is now little. +[14.320 --> 18.960] Small, defeated. You want to maximize the distance between your ear and your shoulder +[18.960 --> 23.600] pretty much all time. This one little cue completely changes your perception of me. +[24.560 --> 28.560] Hey, it's Mal. I'm so glad you're here. +[28.560 --> 33.200] And lately, I've noticed more and more questions are coming in from around the world, +[33.200 --> 36.400] seeking advice on how to level up your success. +[36.400 --> 42.240] So I decided to reach out to a world-renowned researcher who is the founder of the Behavior Lab +[42.240 --> 47.200] called The Science of People. She has flown across the country to be here today for you, +[47.200 --> 51.040] and she has armed with the latest research. And so many takeaways. +[51.040 --> 55.920] They're going to help you achieve the success that you deserve in your life and your career. +[55.920 --> 60.960] Vanessa Van Edwards is the founder of The Science of People, which is a behavior lab that studies +[60.960 --> 65.200] high achievers and the science of confidence, charisma, and body language. +[65.200 --> 69.200] She is the best-selling author of two books on interpersonal science. +[69.200 --> 75.760] For all you new listeners, Vanessa is also one of the most popular guests that have ever appeared +[75.760 --> 81.680] on the Mel Robbins podcast because she has the unique ability to give you specific behaviors, +[81.680 --> 86.960] specific habits that you can use immediately for greater success. +[86.960 --> 92.000] Habits like what high achievers do with their hands to display power intelligence, +[92.000 --> 95.040] the specific place you should stand at a networking event, +[95.760 --> 100.480] you'll also learn one thing you should never do in a conversation with someone else. +[100.480 --> 104.480] I mean, there are so many takeaways and science-backed shortcuts that you're going to learn today. +[104.480 --> 110.240] I cannot wait for you to start implementing these to help you be more successful and achieve your goals. +[110.240 --> 115.280] So please help me welcome Vanessa Van Edwards to The Mel Robbins podcast. +[115.280 --> 117.360] I'm so happy to be back. Thanks for having me. +[117.360 --> 124.000] I am so excited to see you. And I guess where I want to start before we jump into all of the tools +[124.000 --> 128.160] and the research. I mean, you just bring it every time I talk to you. +[128.160 --> 133.280] Now, why does it matter to either no high achievers or to be one? +[133.280 --> 137.120] Like, how does being a high achiever other than the obvious you're achieving your goals? +[137.120 --> 138.560] But why does it matter? +[138.560 --> 142.800] I think that what's really crucial is that I've spent a career studying these high achievers. +[142.800 --> 147.840] And I've noticed that they have very specific behavior patterns and communication patterns. +[147.840 --> 151.200] And what they do is they take what I call communication shortcuts. +[151.920 --> 155.840] So they are able to say no more easily as difficult people. +[156.400 --> 158.240] That is something that I think everyone wants. +[158.240 --> 158.640] For sure. +[158.720 --> 163.040] They are more easily able to achieve their goals and enjoy the process. +[163.680 --> 168.880] So many people, they achieve their goals and have no happiness, no satisfaction, no joy +[168.880 --> 173.120] in achieving those goals. High performers, they enjoy the means and the end. +[173.120 --> 174.320] So there's the enjoyment. +[174.320 --> 176.320] They're saying, no difficult people easily. +[176.320 --> 182.480] And it's also, I think that from my perspective, high achievers very clearly are able to know +[182.480 --> 184.320] who they are and they're able to share it. +[184.320 --> 187.120] And so my goal today is to help people achieve those three things. +[187.920 --> 188.880] I love that. +[188.880 --> 197.680] You know, the person that is listening to this conversation right now is somebody who is well educated, +[197.680 --> 203.040] they are driven, they are curious, they're looking for ways to improve their life. +[203.040 --> 205.520] They want the best for their family and their friends. +[205.520 --> 206.960] They want to achieve their goals. +[207.680 --> 215.440] And I also notice that we are in the Mel Robbins podcast family, a group of people who burn +[215.440 --> 217.680] ourselves out who take on too much. +[218.320 --> 225.680] So can you talk a little bit about just being a high achiever versus just finding yourself +[226.400 --> 228.480] being too busy or burnt out? +[228.480 --> 230.560] Like what's what is the distinction here? +[230.560 --> 232.000] Let's be very clear. +[232.000 --> 233.760] Burnout is not a sign of success. +[234.640 --> 234.960] Right. +[234.960 --> 236.480] We are not going to have any more. +[236.480 --> 238.720] I hope that maybe we can challenge ourselves. +[238.720 --> 240.640] Do not compete for who is busiest. +[241.280 --> 245.120] I see so many extremely smart, successful people. +[245.760 --> 249.680] Almost trying to one up themselves or one up others in busyness. +[249.680 --> 252.880] Business and burnout is not a mark of success. +[252.880 --> 255.920] So being burnt out just means you're saying yes to too much, you're doing too much. +[255.920 --> 257.600] I don't think that's a mark of a successful person. +[258.160 --> 260.080] I do think it's important to be uncomfortable though. +[260.080 --> 263.200] I think that if you're out of your comfort zone, it means you're pushing yourself. +[263.200 --> 267.200] I think high performers are consistently stretching not their time. +[267.200 --> 268.080] They're not burnt out. +[268.080 --> 269.840] They're stretching their comfort zones. +[269.840 --> 274.080] And so hopefully today we can sort of shed that busyness competition and focus more on +[274.960 --> 276.240] being assertive with our energy. +[277.040 --> 278.160] Oh, I love that. +[278.160 --> 280.240] I want to unpack just that last bit. +[280.240 --> 280.480] Yes. +[280.480 --> 280.800] Oh, good. +[280.800 --> 283.760] What does it mean to be assertive with your energy? +[283.760 --> 284.080] Okay. +[284.080 --> 286.880] This is the first pattern of highly effective people. +[286.880 --> 291.280] One thing that I noticed early on is that I think that there are two different types of energy. +[291.280 --> 293.520] There's social energy and work energy. +[294.080 --> 297.280] Social energy is the energy you spend every day having conversation, +[297.920 --> 300.800] managing difficult people, thinking to yourself, +[301.280 --> 302.240] not I have an idea. +[302.240 --> 307.040] How can I communicate this idea, presenting your ideas, managing interpersonal conflict, +[307.040 --> 308.640] getting things done with people? +[308.640 --> 309.600] That's social energy. +[310.480 --> 312.400] Very different is your work energy. +[312.400 --> 315.200] Your work energy is how you tackle your tasks. +[315.200 --> 316.640] It's when you're breaking down your goals. +[316.640 --> 317.760] It's how you're getting for your day. +[317.760 --> 321.360] It's how you're checking off all your piles or sorting your papers. +[321.360 --> 324.960] Those are two distinctly different types of energy. +[324.960 --> 327.920] What most people do, and this is the mistake I think smart people make, +[327.920 --> 330.160] is they focus only on work energy. +[331.280 --> 334.800] All they're thinking about in the morning is what tasks do I have? +[334.800 --> 335.440] What's my email? +[335.440 --> 336.400] What do I have to get done? +[336.720 --> 343.040] And they forget how much social interactions can cost us from an energy perspective. +[343.040 --> 347.760] And so what I want to think about is, okay, in your day, what are the things that give you +[347.760 --> 348.880] social energy? +[348.880 --> 351.840] The people who like, oh, they just make you feel so good. +[352.400 --> 356.320] The conversations, the interpersonal activities that make you feel good, +[356.320 --> 358.480] they are like plugging into a charger. +[358.480 --> 358.960] Okay. +[359.120 --> 361.440] What are the things that take your social energy? +[362.080 --> 366.000] The people, the interactions, the types of socializing. +[366.800 --> 367.920] It's different for everyone, right? +[367.920 --> 372.480] So for example, so for me, I get social energy from one to one conversations. +[372.480 --> 374.160] I get social energy from teaching. +[374.720 --> 377.200] I lose social energy from chit chat. +[377.200 --> 379.040] I am allergic to small talk. +[379.040 --> 384.800] Even a little bit of small talk drains my battery faster than going right into deep conversation. +[384.800 --> 388.400] So even like if I'm having a small talk with my Uber driver on the way to this interview, +[388.400 --> 389.760] exhausting, right? +[389.760 --> 391.200] I'm just like, oh, I can't do it. +[391.200 --> 392.160] I can't talk about the weather. +[392.160 --> 392.960] I can't. +[392.960 --> 394.880] But like this conversation, I'm charging. +[395.520 --> 395.760] Right? +[395.760 --> 397.600] So that could be different for certain people. +[397.600 --> 401.280] Like introverts might feel that most social things take social energy. +[401.280 --> 402.960] So you actually have to think about that list. +[403.680 --> 404.800] Work energy is the same. +[404.800 --> 409.120] And later we can do the little activity on this of what work tasks fuel you? +[409.120 --> 410.320] What gives you flow? +[410.320 --> 411.760] What gives you productivity? +[411.760 --> 412.320] What do you do? +[412.320 --> 417.280] You're like, I could do this all day versus, of course, what tasks and work energy? +[417.600 --> 419.200] What work tasks drain you? +[419.200 --> 420.400] And this also could be home tasks. +[420.400 --> 421.440] It doesn't have to be just work. +[421.440 --> 421.680] Right? +[421.680 --> 423.760] Like I don't mind doing the dishes so much. +[423.760 --> 424.640] I pop in a podcast. +[424.640 --> 425.520] I listen to you. +[425.520 --> 426.640] I listen to my audio book. +[426.640 --> 427.840] I love a memoir. +[427.840 --> 429.520] And like I'm kind of in my happy place. +[429.520 --> 430.240] Where's other people? +[430.800 --> 432.240] Oh, they dread it. +[432.240 --> 437.280] So I think that what highly effective people do to bring back this is they are relentless. +[437.280 --> 443.600] They are assertive in saying no to the social tasks that drain them or boxing them, +[443.600 --> 444.480] which you can also do. +[444.480 --> 445.120] Okay. +[445.120 --> 446.800] And they are relentless +[446.880 --> 452.880] about grabbing the work that gives them work energy, taking it and assertively saying I want it. +[452.880 --> 456.720] So high performers, they are assertive about their social energy and their work energy. +[456.720 --> 458.160] And they're very clear about it. +[458.160 --> 463.440] Are you recommending that instead of just waking up and kind of going through your day +[463.440 --> 467.680] and scheduling the stuff that you need to do that you take a beat and you think about, +[467.680 --> 473.360] okay, what social stuff drains me and what social stuff energizes me and what work stuff drains me +[473.360 --> 475.200] and what work stuff energizes me. +[475.200 --> 482.080] And I need to get really assertive with how I'm directing my energy and what I'm saying no to. +[482.080 --> 484.080] I need to know it and I need to ask for it. +[484.080 --> 486.400] And the same thing goes for relationships. +[486.400 --> 490.720] The relationships that are the most toxic are not the toxic relationships. +[490.720 --> 492.880] They're actually the ambivalent relationships. +[492.880 --> 493.600] Oh. +[493.600 --> 497.360] And so this is I think the problem is with social energy and work energy. +[497.360 --> 499.840] It's ambivalence that drains us the most. +[499.840 --> 501.840] It's like an app running in the background. +[501.920 --> 503.920] It's draining you without even realizing it. +[503.920 --> 506.960] Ambivalent tasks and ambivalent relationships are the same. +[506.960 --> 510.720] So the hardest category is not just yes, those work tasks. +[510.720 --> 513.520] It's the tasks where you're like, I kind of like it. +[515.840 --> 519.600] When someone says kind of I go, that was a flag for you. +[520.240 --> 521.680] I don't want you to kind of like it. +[521.680 --> 523.360] I don't want you to kind of like someone. +[523.360 --> 524.880] It was okay hanging out with them. +[525.760 --> 527.360] No, there's that famous adage. +[527.360 --> 528.720] No, you should be a heck yeah. +[528.720 --> 529.600] Not in the gap. +[529.600 --> 533.360] Let's break that down into actual some actual tasks and some actual systems. +[533.840 --> 538.640] So ambivalence is a problem of our work energy and our social energy. +[538.640 --> 542.880] And highly effective people are very good at not having anything ambivalent. +[542.880 --> 544.080] And what does ambivalent mean? +[544.080 --> 544.400] Okay. +[544.400 --> 545.120] It's a big word. +[545.120 --> 550.080] And yes, ambivalent means you're not sure if you love it or hate it. +[550.080 --> 551.680] You could take it or leave it. +[551.680 --> 554.160] You feel neutral often when you do it. +[554.800 --> 556.560] That is actually more dangerous. +[556.560 --> 559.040] I'll give you an example that happens the most with people. +[559.040 --> 560.640] ambivalent relationship structure the hardest. +[561.280 --> 564.880] You might have that friend where you see them on your calendar. +[564.880 --> 565.840] You're like, oh yeah. +[567.040 --> 567.840] Should I cancel? +[567.840 --> 568.800] I'm so tired. +[570.080 --> 572.000] Or I'm not really looking forward to it. +[572.000 --> 573.520] But we've been friends forever. +[573.520 --> 575.120] It's about the calendar for a long time. +[575.760 --> 578.880] And you hang out with them and you wonder, is this fun? +[581.040 --> 585.360] Or as my good friend says, is this fun or am I just fun? +[586.080 --> 586.400] Right? +[586.400 --> 589.280] Like sometimes really fun people can mask. +[589.280 --> 590.000] They're having fun. +[590.000 --> 590.880] Actually, they're just fun. +[590.880 --> 592.320] But they're not actually having any fun. +[592.320 --> 593.600] So you're wondering, am I having fun? +[593.600 --> 595.600] Or are they supporting me? +[596.240 --> 597.920] Wait, was that passive aggressive? +[599.200 --> 600.720] Why do I feel so tired? +[601.680 --> 604.880] When you leave this friend and you think, oh, I should have just stayed home +[604.880 --> 605.760] and watched Netflix. +[606.560 --> 608.960] When you leave and you can't remember anything you talked about. +[609.680 --> 612.480] When you leave and you question, do they really like me? +[613.440 --> 614.560] Did I learn anything? +[615.440 --> 616.880] Did I get asked good questions? +[617.920 --> 619.920] That is damn bivalent relationship. +[620.480 --> 622.640] And we pour a ton of energy into them. +[622.640 --> 623.360] A ton. +[623.360 --> 626.400] They take more energy than the good relationships and the toxic relationships. +[626.400 --> 628.640] And so when you think about the people in your life, +[628.640 --> 629.760] and I would highly recommend, +[630.880 --> 632.160] make a list of all the people in your life. +[632.960 --> 636.720] And put a star next to the people who you would drop things to hang out with. +[636.720 --> 639.200] Like you would move some things around hang out with them. +[639.200 --> 640.160] That's a good relationship. +[640.880 --> 647.040] Then put a minus sign next to people who you dread hang out with. +[647.040 --> 649.360] Sometimes they're obligatory relationships, +[649.360 --> 651.520] colleagues or family relationships you don't really love. +[651.520 --> 652.000] That's fine. +[652.000 --> 652.880] Know it. +[652.880 --> 653.760] Own it. +[653.760 --> 655.520] Don't pretend that you like hanging out with them. +[655.520 --> 656.320] That's okay. +[656.320 --> 658.320] It's okay that we have you, that are not our people. +[658.320 --> 661.120] And then put a question mark next to the people who you're not sure +[661.120 --> 664.400] if you would forget if you didn't hang out with them. +[664.400 --> 666.960] Or you know those people like weeks go by and you're like, +[667.040 --> 669.200] man, haven't even thought about that person. +[669.200 --> 671.760] Those question marks, please stop seeing them. +[672.400 --> 674.320] Just for a while, do you miss them? +[674.960 --> 676.320] Is your life different? +[676.320 --> 676.960] Not seeing them? +[677.920 --> 680.560] I think we have to be really careful with our social energy. +[680.560 --> 682.320] Well, and here's the other thing we don't think about. +[683.040 --> 685.120] You're a question mark on somebody else's list. +[685.120 --> 685.520] That's right. +[686.000 --> 692.240] And you wouldn't want somebody to make time and hang out with you +[692.240 --> 695.040] if they're sitting there across the table from you. +[695.120 --> 696.080] Go on, is this fun? +[696.080 --> 697.600] Do I like this person? +[697.600 --> 699.520] And so don't do that to somebody else. +[699.520 --> 700.000] Yes. +[700.000 --> 701.440] And the other thing that I'm getting from this +[701.440 --> 704.480] because this makes so much sense, +[705.120 --> 708.880] is that if you were to take that energy and time +[708.880 --> 712.480] and focus it on the people that you really like +[712.480 --> 714.080] that you don't see enough of, +[714.960 --> 718.560] it would lift your life up and it would make those relationships so +[718.560 --> 719.200] and deeper. +[719.200 --> 720.480] Much better. +[720.480 --> 720.960] That's it. +[720.960 --> 723.360] You've got to say no to the bads make room for the right. +[723.360 --> 724.480] So Vanessa, +[724.560 --> 730.080] what is your research show about the top habits of a high achiever? +[730.080 --> 733.360] One is they start their day not just thinking about the to-do list +[733.360 --> 734.800] but thinking about their work and social energy. +[735.760 --> 738.720] Second is they use the pigmalion effect in their day. +[738.720 --> 741.680] So the pigmalion effect is after a Greek myth that +[742.400 --> 744.960] pigmalion made a statue of a beautiful woman +[744.960 --> 746.880] and then he fell in love with the statue +[746.880 --> 748.480] and then he kissed her and she came to life. +[748.800 --> 751.280] So this effect is study to research that if you +[752.240 --> 755.200] set up a good expectation that expectation will come to life. +[755.520 --> 758.880] So highly effective people are constantly using the power of labels set of +[758.880 --> 759.760] expectations. +[759.760 --> 762.960] So they use labels for themselves but they also use labels for others. +[762.960 --> 768.160] So if they see someone who is an incredible speaker or presenter or organizer, +[768.160 --> 772.000] they are constantly saying you are such a magician with presentations. +[772.000 --> 775.040] I don't know how you do that or you are so good at cooking dinner. +[775.040 --> 776.320] Thank you so much for cooking dinner. +[776.320 --> 779.840] That expectation also turns people to life and then everyone's doing better. +[780.800 --> 782.160] Being clear in the beginning of the day, +[782.160 --> 785.200] pigmalion effects, no ambivalence, +[785.200 --> 788.160] so getting rid of all those ambivaluorations and those ambivalent tasks. +[788.720 --> 792.720] And the last one I would say is the power of liking. +[792.720 --> 795.520] So this is another study that I just love. +[795.520 --> 796.720] The study changed my life, +[796.720 --> 798.320] changed the way I think about likability. +[798.640 --> 801.360] So I talked earlier about how you can be both assertive and likable. +[801.360 --> 801.840] Yep. +[801.840 --> 805.120] And I truly believe that and here's how we become likable. +[805.120 --> 806.880] We talked a lot about assertiveness +[806.880 --> 808.720] but how it would become likable to parrot. +[808.720 --> 810.480] So this is a study that was done by Vance Lone +[810.480 --> 812.320] and he studied high school students. +[812.320 --> 814.160] These are kind of the original likable kids. +[814.160 --> 815.120] He was curious, +[815.840 --> 818.240] why are some kids popular and other kids not? +[819.040 --> 820.400] So if you would ask someone, +[820.400 --> 822.160] why are kids popular? +[822.160 --> 824.640] I probably would have guessed athletes +[824.640 --> 826.160] or maybe they're the funniest, +[826.160 --> 828.160] maybe they're the most attractive. +[828.160 --> 831.200] So he looked at everything from athleticism to GPA, +[831.200 --> 833.040] to attractiveness, to humor, +[833.040 --> 834.800] as many variables as he could think of. +[834.800 --> 835.920] And he found that there was, +[835.920 --> 837.520] and this is across a variety of high schools +[837.600 --> 838.880] and across a variety of grades. +[838.880 --> 839.920] So it wasn't just one school. +[840.560 --> 842.560] He found there was one single pattern. +[843.600 --> 845.520] Amongst all the schools and all the grades, +[846.480 --> 849.360] he found that the most liked kids, +[849.360 --> 850.960] the most popular kids, +[850.960 --> 854.000] had the longest list of people they liked. +[855.280 --> 856.800] Oh, yes. +[857.760 --> 858.480] In other words, +[858.480 --> 863.120] yes, we are in control of our likability +[863.760 --> 866.960] that if we find ways to like more people, +[867.520 --> 868.960] we become more likeable. +[869.680 --> 870.480] And in the hallways, +[870.480 --> 872.320] when he studied these really likeable kids +[872.320 --> 873.920] that everyone put on their like list, +[874.720 --> 877.360] they weren't having hours, +[877.360 --> 879.440] long conversations in the cafeteria. +[879.440 --> 881.920] They weren't checking in on everyone all the time. +[881.920 --> 883.360] They were just acknowledging +[883.360 --> 884.720] every single person the hallway, +[884.720 --> 886.000] usually by name, +[886.000 --> 886.560] hey, Mel, +[887.040 --> 888.960] hey, Greg, Sarah, +[888.960 --> 890.160] looking good, right? +[890.800 --> 893.680] It was these micro moments +[894.480 --> 895.520] of likability. +[895.520 --> 898.080] And that really chained perspective is one, +[898.080 --> 899.360] it's not about other people, it's about you. +[900.160 --> 902.720] You being likable is about spreading likeability +[902.720 --> 903.840] and it starts with you. +[903.840 --> 905.200] But if you can find, +[905.200 --> 907.200] and I mean assertively, +[907.200 --> 909.360] find ways to like people, +[909.360 --> 910.640] you become more likeable. +[910.880 --> 912.160] And that means the onus is on you. +[912.960 --> 915.040] But if you're ambivalent about those people, +[915.040 --> 916.400] so those question marks on your list, +[916.400 --> 917.840] stop hanging out for a little while. +[917.840 --> 918.560] See if you miss them. +[919.280 --> 920.560] If you do miss them, +[920.560 --> 921.520] here's your next step. +[922.480 --> 923.680] Find ways +[923.760 --> 926.160] to aggressively and assertively like them. +[927.360 --> 929.120] Find the things that you love about each other, +[929.120 --> 930.560] find the commonalities +[930.560 --> 932.000] and make sure they know it. +[932.880 --> 934.480] I think too often as adults, +[934.480 --> 935.280] especially we, +[935.280 --> 938.400] we're too cool to show that we like people. +[938.400 --> 940.000] Right. You know, we play it cool. +[940.000 --> 941.360] We don't, we hold back. +[941.360 --> 943.200] We don't want to be the first liker. +[943.200 --> 943.520] No. +[944.160 --> 946.720] My mission in life is to be first liker. +[947.440 --> 949.600] I invite people to sit with me at conferences. +[949.600 --> 952.080] I'm the first person to ask questions in conversation. +[952.160 --> 953.680] If I like someone, I literally tell them, +[953.680 --> 954.240] I like you. +[955.600 --> 956.640] I like you a lot. +[957.680 --> 960.400] I am constantly telling the people I truly like. +[960.400 --> 961.360] I really like you. +[961.360 --> 962.560] I like spending time with you. +[962.560 --> 963.680] You're so interesting. +[964.160 --> 966.880] Because if I know that I can truly say that, +[966.880 --> 968.160] I want to be assertive about it. +[968.640 --> 969.760] And so that's the next step. +[969.760 --> 971.120] Is I think highly effective people. +[971.120 --> 973.120] The reason they're so charismatic +[973.120 --> 975.760] is they relentlessly pursue people they actually like. +[975.760 --> 976.800] And then they share it. +[977.520 --> 979.040] Oh, yeah. +[979.040 --> 980.160] So I like you, Mel. +[980.160 --> 982.320] I adore you. +[982.320 --> 983.280] I'll take it. +[983.280 --> 984.320] I like your brain. +[984.320 --> 985.840] I like your takeaways. +[985.840 --> 987.600] I like your energy. +[987.600 --> 989.680] I like your enthusiasm. +[989.680 --> 992.400] I like what is clearly a commitment. +[992.400 --> 992.880] Oh, yeah. +[992.880 --> 994.720] That you have to helping us. +[995.520 --> 998.320] Be more influential and also enjoy your life. +[998.320 --> 998.800] Yeah. +[998.800 --> 1002.000] I got, I got really choked up when you said that thing about the kid +[1002.000 --> 1002.960] walking down the hallway. +[1002.960 --> 1005.200] Like I, I, here I am crying over. +[1005.200 --> 1006.000] Yeah. +[1006.000 --> 1007.680] It's so, I thought I felt, +[1007.680 --> 1009.280] I had emotional when you said you adored me. +[1009.280 --> 1011.760] I was like, oh, well, it feels so good. +[1011.760 --> 1012.160] It feels so good. +[1012.160 --> 1015.040] I think so many of us walk around feeling like shit about ourselves. +[1015.040 --> 1015.760] Yes. +[1015.760 --> 1017.520] And so if somebody just walks by and is like, +[1017.520 --> 1018.480] Hey, I love your sweater. +[1018.480 --> 1019.040] You look great today. +[1019.040 --> 1020.160] You're like, oh, thank you. +[1020.160 --> 1020.960] Yeah. +[1020.960 --> 1023.200] Or even I really like working with you. +[1023.200 --> 1023.680] Yeah. +[1023.680 --> 1025.120] I don't know if I tell you that enough. +[1025.120 --> 1026.560] I love when you're in a meeting with me. +[1026.560 --> 1027.520] Oh. +[1027.520 --> 1027.760] Right. +[1027.760 --> 1029.680] Like to be able to say that. +[1029.680 --> 1032.320] And that's why it's so critical that first exercise of, +[1032.320 --> 1035.760] of knowing who you like and not being ambivalent +[1035.760 --> 1037.520] because I don't want you to fake that. +[1037.520 --> 1038.000] Right. +[1038.000 --> 1040.480] I only want you to be able to say that if you truly believe it. +[1040.480 --> 1042.880] And so spreading likes, it feels so good. +[1042.880 --> 1045.040] And I also think it prevents our burnout. +[1045.040 --> 1048.080] I think that the way that we prevent burnout is, yes, +[1048.080 --> 1050.480] we can be doing lots of things. +[1050.480 --> 1051.920] But if we're working with people we like +[1051.920 --> 1053.600] and we're doing tasks we like +[1053.600 --> 1055.360] and we can all feel good about it, +[1055.360 --> 1056.720] it gives energy. +[1056.720 --> 1058.560] Like it makes you feel so good. +[1058.560 --> 1060.960] And so I think that making that list of people you, +[1060.960 --> 1062.560] like I want that list to get longer. +[1063.360 --> 1066.400] I want you to find ways to like more people +[1066.400 --> 1068.240] because that makes you so likeable. +[1069.520 --> 1070.000] Wow. +[1070.000 --> 1072.320] You mentioned the fake. +[1072.320 --> 1072.800] Yeah. +[1072.800 --> 1073.520] Don't fake it. +[1073.520 --> 1080.240] And I'm asking this because I completely understand +[1080.240 --> 1084.880] the council and advice about removing things +[1084.880 --> 1085.920] you're ambivalent about. +[1085.920 --> 1086.160] Yeah. +[1088.000 --> 1089.600] I would just like to know though, +[1089.600 --> 1092.880] because I do think that there's that kindness +[1092.880 --> 1095.120] of acknowledging people and saying hello to people +[1095.120 --> 1096.400] and calling them by name. +[1096.400 --> 1097.280] Yes. +[1097.280 --> 1099.600] But you're talking about like authentically +[1099.600 --> 1101.200] aggressively liking people. +[1101.200 --> 1101.440] I am. +[1101.440 --> 1104.320] So does it backfire if you fake this? +[1105.360 --> 1105.840] Okay. +[1105.840 --> 1108.960] I struggle with this one because I don't love the idea +[1108.960 --> 1110.240] of fake it till you make it. +[1110.240 --> 1110.800] Me either. +[1110.800 --> 1111.840] Yeah. +[1111.840 --> 1115.040] But I understand that there are folks +[1115.040 --> 1118.800] who have to employ that tool to step into themselves. +[1119.520 --> 1121.200] So if that's you, that's okay. +[1121.200 --> 1122.320] If that works for you, that's okay. +[1123.520 --> 1125.200] But fake doesn't really work. +[1125.920 --> 1127.120] And they've actually said this. +[1127.120 --> 1129.680] So Dr. Barbara Wilde and her associates +[1129.680 --> 1132.960] brought participants into her lab and she showed them pictures +[1132.960 --> 1135.200] of people who were authentically smiling. +[1135.200 --> 1136.480] In other words, when they took the picture, +[1136.480 --> 1138.400] they were told, think of something that makes you happy. +[1138.400 --> 1138.720] Yeah. +[1138.720 --> 1140.560] And then they were to have people fake smile. +[1140.560 --> 1142.240] And then they had they took the mood tests +[1142.240 --> 1143.200] before and after. +[1143.200 --> 1145.760] Everyone who saw the real happiness caught the mood. +[1146.480 --> 1149.040] They actually had an improved mood score. +[1149.040 --> 1151.920] Everyone who looked at the fake pictures had no mood change at all. +[1151.920 --> 1152.160] Wow. +[1152.800 --> 1155.360] So that means that if you want to be more contagious, +[1155.360 --> 1157.520] if you want to spread positivity like ability, +[1158.240 --> 1161.440] real authentic happiness is more contagious. +[1161.440 --> 1163.840] However, the people who saw the fake picture +[1163.840 --> 1165.040] did not have a worse mood. +[1165.520 --> 1166.800] They just had no mood change at all. +[1167.600 --> 1168.960] So the way that I would frame this is, +[1168.960 --> 1170.720] I don't love you to be fake. +[1170.720 --> 1172.720] It just makes you less impactful and influential. +[1172.720 --> 1176.400] However, it doesn't have a detrimental effect on someone. +[1176.400 --> 1178.720] And so if that's what you need to get through the day +[1178.720 --> 1180.960] or you're in a situation where you can't be like, +[1180.960 --> 1182.240] well, I don't like you. +[1182.240 --> 1184.480] So we shouldn't hang out, right? +[1186.000 --> 1187.120] Then that's okay. +[1187.120 --> 1189.040] It's okay to be fake to get through. +[1189.040 --> 1191.200] But if you can as much as possible, +[1191.200 --> 1192.960] I think stretching into +[1192.960 --> 1195.840] or putting the, I put a question mark there on purpose. +[1195.840 --> 1198.640] There are people in my life who I do have to fake it a little bit. +[1198.640 --> 1200.160] But they're question marks. +[1200.160 --> 1200.960] I'm hopeful. +[1201.920 --> 1205.920] I'm optimistic that one day we'll figure it out. +[1205.920 --> 1210.080] I'm optimistic that one day we'll find something that we both like. +[1210.080 --> 1211.520] I think that's okay. +[1211.520 --> 1213.440] I think being fake with hope is okay. +[1215.040 --> 1215.840] That I like. +[1215.840 --> 1216.080] Yeah. +[1216.080 --> 1218.480] Because what's authentic is your desire that it change for the better. +[1218.480 --> 1218.960] Yes. +[1218.960 --> 1220.480] So you're not being fake at all. +[1220.480 --> 1221.280] No. +[1221.280 --> 1221.760] Got it. +[1221.760 --> 1222.240] Okay. +[1222.240 --> 1224.720] I just loved what you shared about likeability. +[1224.720 --> 1227.120] And it makes me wonder, what about vulnerability? +[1227.120 --> 1228.480] Does that make you more likeable? +[1228.480 --> 1228.880] Yes. +[1228.880 --> 1229.200] Okay. +[1229.280 --> 1232.640] So I think there's a misconception that to be likeable, +[1232.640 --> 1235.680] you have to be perfect or you have to be impressive. +[1235.680 --> 1238.320] And so that was, I'm a recovering awkward person. +[1238.320 --> 1243.440] That was me for many years trying desperately to like be perfect and be impressive +[1243.440 --> 1244.320] and have funny stories. +[1245.040 --> 1246.320] It does that doesn't work. +[1246.320 --> 1250.720] In fact, vulnerability is one of the fastest ways to show likeability. +[1250.720 --> 1252.160] There was actually a study that was done on this. +[1252.160 --> 1253.120] This is by Richard Weisman. +[1253.680 --> 1257.040] So what he did is he had an actress go into the mall +[1257.120 --> 1259.200] and do a smoothie demonstration. +[1259.200 --> 1260.320] She was selling blenders. +[1260.320 --> 1262.400] That was her fake activity. +[1262.880 --> 1266.800] And she did a couple of demonstrations where she made the smoothie perfectly +[1267.360 --> 1269.040] with the strawberries and the bananas. +[1269.040 --> 1271.440] And she blended it up and she poured everyone for smoothies. +[1271.440 --> 1275.200] And they had everyone in the mall rate her on likeability. +[1276.000 --> 1279.520] Then they had a series of them where she spilled the smoothie. +[1280.160 --> 1280.880] Okay. +[1280.880 --> 1281.920] She dripped it, spilled it. +[1281.920 --> 1282.560] Oh my gosh. +[1282.560 --> 1283.200] So sorry about that. +[1283.200 --> 1284.400] Just one little spill. +[1284.400 --> 1286.160] Like didn't make a whole thing of it but spilled it. +[1286.880 --> 1290.240] Everyone in those studies rated her as more likeable. +[1292.000 --> 1296.640] What a gift to know that your mistakes make you more likeable. +[1296.640 --> 1299.680] The reason for this is because we know no one is perfect. +[1299.680 --> 1300.720] We know this. +[1300.720 --> 1303.120] And we also know that if someone is trying to impress us, +[1303.120 --> 1304.640] they might be trying to cover something up. +[1305.520 --> 1309.680] And so I love the idea of likeable people are not prettier. +[1309.680 --> 1310.640] They're not more impressive. +[1311.280 --> 1312.880] Liking more people, yes. +[1312.880 --> 1315.520] But also approaching them with your vulnerability. +[1315.520 --> 1318.880] So being at a wedding, trying to make friends, saying to someone, +[1318.880 --> 1320.000] I'm starting. +[1321.600 --> 1323.040] Even a little vulnerability. +[1323.040 --> 1324.960] When I'm trying to make friends when I'm uncomfortable, +[1324.960 --> 1327.040] like a loud nightclub or a loud bar, +[1327.040 --> 1329.280] I'm like, my feet are killing me. +[1329.280 --> 1330.240] Are yours. +[1330.640 --> 1330.880] Right. +[1331.360 --> 1334.560] I think that sharing some of our fears and our weaknesses, +[1334.560 --> 1337.200] that is actually a way to make everyone feel like themselves. +[1337.920 --> 1340.800] And so being vulnerable, admitting mistakes, +[1340.800 --> 1342.080] saying you're scared or uncomfortable, +[1342.080 --> 1344.480] you know, for a decade of my life, +[1344.480 --> 1346.960] I tried to hide that I'm a recovering awkward person. +[1347.840 --> 1350.000] And the moment that I started sharing, I am awkward. +[1350.000 --> 1351.120] I feel awkward all the time. +[1351.120 --> 1352.160] That's why I do this work. +[1352.880 --> 1354.640] I felt like I could be myself. +[1354.640 --> 1358.640] And then all these people started to tell me they feel like awkward people too. +[1358.640 --> 1360.560] And that's when I started to have a real connection. +[1360.560 --> 1364.240] Vanessa, I am so glad that you hopped on a plane and came back. +[1364.240 --> 1366.320] And I know that we are just getting started. +[1366.880 --> 1370.240] And so I want to take a quick pause so we can hear a word from our sponsors +[1370.240 --> 1372.960] who bring this to you at zero cost. +[1372.960 --> 1374.240] And while you're listening to sponsors, +[1374.240 --> 1376.000] I'm going to be sending this to my three kids. +[1376.000 --> 1378.320] Sawyer, Kendall, and Oakley need to hear this. +[1378.320 --> 1381.520] I know you have people in your life that need these tools and tactics. +[1381.520 --> 1383.360] So be sure to send it to them too. +[1383.360 --> 1386.160] And Vanessa and I will be waiting for you when we come back. +[1386.160 --> 1386.720] Stay with us. +[1388.640 --> 1389.440] Welcome back. +[1389.440 --> 1390.320] I'm Mel Robbins. +[1390.320 --> 1393.120] I'm so glad you're listening to this episode today +[1393.120 --> 1396.960] because we have got the remarkable The Nessa Van Edwards. +[1396.960 --> 1400.080] We are digging into the research around success +[1400.160 --> 1403.600] and how you can use the habits of high achievers +[1403.600 --> 1406.560] and influential people to level up in your own life. +[1406.560 --> 1410.480] So Vanessa, you can walk into a room and see who's influential. +[1410.480 --> 1413.840] But can you teach us how to walk into a room +[1413.840 --> 1417.040] and see somebody who's highly influential? +[1417.040 --> 1418.720] Like just distinguish? +[1418.720 --> 1420.960] Yes. So the very first thing, and this is a, +[1421.760 --> 1423.120] I've noticed this in a lot of rooms, +[1423.120 --> 1427.360] from both professional rooms to social rooms to even speed dating, +[1427.440 --> 1432.480] is typically when a person is tuned into someone or aware of someone, +[1432.480 --> 1434.080] we angle our body towards them. +[1434.080 --> 1435.760] Now as adults we get pretty good at hiding this, +[1435.760 --> 1437.920] but our toes often give us away. +[1437.920 --> 1439.760] So typically when I walk into a room, +[1439.760 --> 1441.040] I like to play a little game with myself. +[1441.040 --> 1442.240] This is how I'm used myself. +[1442.240 --> 1444.160] I try to guess who the boss is in the room +[1444.160 --> 1446.240] based on where people's toes are pointing. +[1446.880 --> 1450.400] Typically, we point our toes towards the most important person in the room. +[1450.400 --> 1453.200] That is because subconsciously our body is attuned to them, +[1453.200 --> 1456.080] wanting to either talk to them, go towards them, +[1456.080 --> 1458.000] or wants to read them. +[1458.000 --> 1460.720] So whenever I'm in a room with like an influencer or celebrity, +[1460.720 --> 1462.160] even if it's just a mingling, +[1462.160 --> 1464.160] I can almost always tell that everyone is like, +[1464.160 --> 1465.600] their eye is on that influence, +[1465.600 --> 1466.880] so that celebrity or the boss, +[1466.880 --> 1468.640] because their toes are pointed towards them. +[1468.640 --> 1471.120] The only exception to this is when people have to go, +[1471.120 --> 1473.600] you will notice their toes will shift towards the exit. +[1473.600 --> 1474.720] It's if their brain are going, +[1474.720 --> 1475.520] what's my escape? +[1475.520 --> 1476.800] When can I get out of here? +[1476.800 --> 1478.640] So one is always look at toe direction. +[1478.640 --> 1479.120] Okay. +[1479.120 --> 1481.200] It can also show you hidden crushes, +[1481.200 --> 1482.640] not always, but sometimes. +[1482.640 --> 1485.440] Usually I can tell when someone has a little crushy crush +[1485.520 --> 1487.440] on someone else based on where their toes. +[1487.440 --> 1489.040] And that person will move, +[1489.040 --> 1490.720] and the person's toes who has a crush +[1490.720 --> 1492.640] will usually fall in them, +[1492.640 --> 1493.600] which is kind of a funny thing. +[1493.600 --> 1495.280] So always pay attention to toes. +[1495.280 --> 1496.960] That's the first way that we do it. +[1497.600 --> 1500.480] The second thing is typically not always. +[1500.480 --> 1503.600] Highly influential people claim their space. +[1503.600 --> 1505.120] So all of this cut ties together. +[1505.120 --> 1507.600] When you are assertive, you are assertive. +[1507.600 --> 1509.680] Verbaly, you are assertive. +[1509.680 --> 1512.640] Emotionally, you're also assertive physically. +[1512.640 --> 1513.680] And this has been proven. +[1513.680 --> 1516.400] So researchers in the University of British Columbia +[1516.400 --> 1517.600] studied athletes. +[1517.600 --> 1520.560] And they said athletes across genders and races, +[1520.560 --> 1522.400] and they found that winning athletes, +[1523.200 --> 1525.200] athletes who win a race, +[1525.200 --> 1526.880] they take up a pride pose. +[1526.880 --> 1529.600] This was popularized by Amy Cutty's TED Talk, +[1529.600 --> 1531.920] which had its own set of history, +[1531.920 --> 1535.360] but they've actually proven that just the body language itself +[1535.360 --> 1536.480] does is repeatable. +[1537.120 --> 1539.120] So winning athletes, they take up space, +[1539.120 --> 1540.080] they lower their shoulders, +[1540.080 --> 1542.240] they usually tilt their head towards the sky. +[1542.320 --> 1545.520] And then there's two measurements that I think no one talks about +[1545.520 --> 1546.960] that I want to talk about. +[1546.960 --> 1548.320] That everyone misses. +[1548.320 --> 1549.200] Yes, we get it. +[1549.200 --> 1551.040] If someone walks in a room like Rocky, +[1551.040 --> 1552.240] you know, with their hands above their head, +[1552.240 --> 1552.880] we get it. +[1552.880 --> 1553.920] They feel good. +[1553.920 --> 1555.600] But that's very socially aggressive. +[1555.600 --> 1557.840] Like, I'm not going to advise people to walk into them. +[1557.840 --> 1558.880] I'm here. +[1558.880 --> 1559.440] Great. +[1559.440 --> 1560.000] It's too much. +[1560.640 --> 1563.280] What the two measurements that actually matter the most +[1563.280 --> 1566.400] for being impactful or spotting an impactful person +[1566.400 --> 1569.840] are the distance between our earlobes and our shoulder. +[1569.840 --> 1570.720] Wait, what? +[1570.720 --> 1571.040] I know. +[1571.200 --> 1574.720] The distance between our earlobe and our shoulder. +[1574.720 --> 1576.800] So right now, I think I probably have what, +[1576.800 --> 1579.200] I get eight inches, six inches, something like that. +[1579.200 --> 1581.200] And so for you, that's maxed. +[1581.200 --> 1582.880] Try to put your shoulder down as much as possible. +[1582.880 --> 1583.360] Like down. +[1583.360 --> 1583.680] Okay. +[1583.680 --> 1584.640] That's the most, right? +[1584.640 --> 1587.040] I just want to explain because you can see this on YouTube. +[1587.040 --> 1590.800] But basically, just imagine as you're listening, +[1590.800 --> 1592.080] that we are taking our ears, +[1592.080 --> 1594.640] try to touch your ears with your shoulders. +[1594.640 --> 1596.320] Just shrink down into your body. +[1596.320 --> 1597.600] That's what Vanessa's doing. +[1597.600 --> 1599.200] Yeah, turtle, turtle your head. +[1599.840 --> 1602.160] Put your shoulders up, try to touch your ears to your shoulders. +[1602.160 --> 1605.600] Yeah, look, pretend you're a teenager who's staring at your phone. +[1605.600 --> 1606.400] This is what happens. +[1606.400 --> 1608.160] So as we do this, a couple of things happen. +[1608.160 --> 1609.280] One is we feel terrible. +[1609.280 --> 1610.000] You feel terrible? +[1610.000 --> 1610.240] Yes. +[1610.240 --> 1610.720] I would say, yeah. +[1610.720 --> 1611.200] If it's terrible. +[1611.200 --> 1611.920] So it feels terrible. +[1611.920 --> 1613.520] Also, our vocal power drops. +[1613.520 --> 1616.080] So it's very, very hard to actually give a lot of vocal power. +[1616.080 --> 1618.080] I go into vocal for I when I do this. +[1618.080 --> 1619.120] Because it's very hard. +[1619.120 --> 1620.720] So it affects your vocal power. +[1620.720 --> 1622.480] It affects your perceived confidence. +[1622.480 --> 1623.360] Like how you feel. +[1623.360 --> 1624.960] And also it affects how you look. +[1624.960 --> 1625.360] Right? +[1625.360 --> 1626.480] You look less confident. +[1626.480 --> 1628.160] If I were to give the entire interview like this. +[1628.160 --> 1630.320] And you can see her right now. +[1630.320 --> 1631.360] It's you literally. +[1631.360 --> 1632.960] She's just like, hi. +[1632.960 --> 1634.960] And she squeezed her near her shoulders up. +[1634.960 --> 1638.640] You literally all of a sudden went from Vanessa renowned researcher to. +[1638.640 --> 1640.160] It's Vanessa in the middle school. +[1640.160 --> 1641.360] This is the only difference. +[1641.360 --> 1645.120] This one little cue completely changes your perception of me. +[1645.920 --> 1648.400] So for somebody who is introverted. +[1648.400 --> 1648.960] Yes. +[1648.960 --> 1649.520] Oh, yes. +[1649.520 --> 1654.320] And you are like the idea of the spotlight being on you is your worst nightmare. +[1654.320 --> 1660.480] But you do want to become more assertive or you at least want people to look at you and go. +[1661.120 --> 1662.080] She's confident. +[1662.080 --> 1662.960] He's confident. +[1662.960 --> 1664.480] They're an influential person. +[1664.480 --> 1664.960] Yes. +[1664.960 --> 1668.320] What are what's the body language that you can start to practice? +[1668.320 --> 1672.080] Well, first of all, I write books for you because I believe your cues can speak for you. +[1672.080 --> 1672.480] Okay. +[1672.480 --> 1674.160] Introverts. +[1674.160 --> 1680.320] Your cues are even more important because you can use small micro cues nonverbaly to speak for you. +[1680.320 --> 1680.560] Right? +[1680.560 --> 1680.800] Okay. +[1680.880 --> 1685.440] So for an introvert or anyone listening, you want to maximize the distance between your ear and your +[1685.440 --> 1688.320] shoulder pretty much all time, especially on video. +[1688.800 --> 1691.600] Here is a classic mistake that I see all the time. +[1691.600 --> 1692.320] Hey, everyone. +[1693.200 --> 1693.840] Hi. +[1693.840 --> 1698.080] You're on zoom and your shoulders are up your ears or you're waving hello with your shoulder +[1698.080 --> 1700.560] up yours or they walk into a date or they walk into meeting. +[1700.560 --> 1700.960] Morning. +[1702.240 --> 1704.480] Your first impression is now little. +[1705.200 --> 1705.520] Small. +[1706.160 --> 1707.120] Defeated. +[1707.120 --> 1709.520] Here's the cue I want to give you as your listening. +[1709.520 --> 1715.840] If you are like, but I'm M shy, but I am introverted, but I do feel awkward in those situations. +[1715.840 --> 1719.120] I want you to think about middle school you. +[1720.800 --> 1723.040] Being terrified of seeing a group of cool kids. +[1723.040 --> 1723.280] Yeah. +[1723.920 --> 1727.520] And the badass powerhouse that we know that you are inside. +[1728.400 --> 1732.640] And I want you to imagine that your friend Mel Robbins is on one side of you and your friend +[1732.640 --> 1735.120] Vanessa Van Edwards is on the other side of you. +[1735.120 --> 1738.240] And I want you to pull that body language together. +[1738.880 --> 1742.640] That's what we're talking about because everybody can pull their shoulders back and drop +[1742.640 --> 1744.480] them down and stand up taller or sit up taller. +[1744.480 --> 1745.120] That's it. +[1745.120 --> 1745.360] Okay. +[1745.360 --> 1747.200] And that one cue creates a loop. +[1747.200 --> 1748.160] And here's what I want you to think about. +[1748.160 --> 1751.200] If that's if you're if you that's you thinking, oh my god, I'm scared. +[1751.200 --> 1752.480] I am awkward. +[1752.480 --> 1755.920] You can change the loop of your awkwardness with this one. +[1755.920 --> 1756.960] Q. Why? +[1756.960 --> 1758.560] Is if you have your shoulders down and back. +[1758.560 --> 1760.000] It signals to your brain. +[1760.000 --> 1761.200] I am taking up space. +[1761.200 --> 1764.240] I'm claiming my space, which then tells you brain, okay, we're safe. +[1764.240 --> 1764.640] We're okay. +[1764.640 --> 1767.440] The reason why we hunt our shoulders is to protect our neck. +[1768.000 --> 1769.600] That is why we're doing when I turtle. +[1769.600 --> 1770.240] That's why we do this. +[1770.240 --> 1771.440] It's an evolutionary cue. +[1771.440 --> 1775.840] So if I turtle my neck down and I tilt my chin down and I hunch my shoulders up, +[1775.840 --> 1778.640] my my throat is more protected. +[1778.640 --> 1780.400] That is a more protected gesture. +[1780.400 --> 1782.240] So it's there's an evolutionary reason why we do it. +[1782.240 --> 1784.880] So if your shoulders are down and back, your head is held high. +[1784.880 --> 1786.320] My jugular is showing. +[1786.320 --> 1788.320] My brain says, ah, we're safe. +[1789.200 --> 1792.560] If you do the opposite, you're telling your brain, we are not safe. +[1792.560 --> 1795.920] Which then makes you have more cortisol, which shuts down your thinking, +[1795.920 --> 1798.320] which makes you have dry mouth, which makes you blush, +[1798.320 --> 1799.680] which makes you run out of oxygen, +[1799.680 --> 1801.840] right, it creates all those awkwardness cues. +[1801.840 --> 1805.360] So we can stop our awkward loops by simply changing our cues. +[1805.360 --> 1807.680] So this is the first distance is ear to shoulder. +[1807.680 --> 1809.200] I want to make sure you got that. +[1809.200 --> 1811.920] So if you're watching on YouTube, you're going to follow along. +[1811.920 --> 1814.240] As you're listening to us, as long as you're not driving a car, +[1814.240 --> 1818.880] I want you to actually do experience what Vanessa is talking about. +[1818.880 --> 1821.920] So I want you to take, we walk a certain, like you take your chin +[1821.920 --> 1824.240] and you point it down and you put your shoulders up. +[1824.240 --> 1825.920] Point your chin, John, as if you're checking your phone. +[1825.920 --> 1826.420] Yep. +[1826.420 --> 1828.720] Now punch your shoulders up and then turtle your ears down. +[1828.720 --> 1830.080] See, you're as small as possible. +[1830.080 --> 1831.680] See your jugular, your neck is protected. +[1831.680 --> 1835.360] If you sit like this, you are going to begin to feel more awkward +[1835.360 --> 1835.860] uncomfortable. +[1835.860 --> 1836.880] You're going to lose oxygen. +[1836.880 --> 1837.880] It's probably the most. +[1837.880 --> 1838.880] Yes. +[1838.880 --> 1839.920] If you're going to lose oxygen, you're going to have broken fry. +[1839.920 --> 1842.560] And here is the biggest ah-ha, all. +[1842.560 --> 1846.160] That is what everyone does when they check their phone. +[1846.160 --> 1850.640] So accidentally, multiple times a day, you are putting yourself +[1850.640 --> 1853.680] into defeat and shame body language. +[1853.680 --> 1855.760] Accentually, what are you doing before a date? +[1855.760 --> 1856.840] Probably checking your phone. +[1856.840 --> 1858.000] What are you doing before a presentation? +[1858.000 --> 1859.120] Probably you're being your phone. +[1859.120 --> 1860.280] What are you doing for? +[1860.280 --> 1863.680] So what I want you to do is check your phone differently. +[1863.680 --> 1864.200] How? +[1864.200 --> 1865.040] Okay. +[1865.040 --> 1867.680] So when you're holding your phone, what I want you to do is up and out. +[1867.680 --> 1868.520] Up and out. +[1868.520 --> 1869.360] Up and out. +[1869.360 --> 1870.200] Up and out. +[1870.200 --> 1871.040] Right. +[1871.040 --> 1872.360] So when I check my phone, especially before something important, +[1872.360 --> 1876.240] I am not hunched over with my chin tucked in and my arms tucked +[1876.240 --> 1877.080] tightly into my chest. +[1877.080 --> 1878.000] We're going to talk about it in a second. +[1878.000 --> 1878.800] I am up and out. +[1878.800 --> 1880.280] So I'm claiming my space. +[1880.280 --> 1883.320] My phone is up so that my phone is my chin is up. +[1883.320 --> 1885.040] My jugular is still showing. +[1885.040 --> 1888.200] If you check your phone, it is, you feel so much more confident. +[1888.200 --> 1889.040] It's true. +[1889.040 --> 1890.040] I don't have my phone with me. +[1890.040 --> 1891.040] But like I'm just looking at my baby. +[1891.040 --> 1892.040] I think there's a good picture of that. +[1892.040 --> 1893.040] Yeah. +[1893.040 --> 1894.040] Oh my god. +[1894.040 --> 1896.520] So if I've got it up like this, you can put your elbow down the table. +[1896.520 --> 1897.520] That's okay. +[1897.520 --> 1898.520] And now I'm like, bicep flex. +[1898.520 --> 1900.080] You're like, well, look at the power. +[1900.080 --> 1901.080] You look so powerful. +[1901.080 --> 1902.080] You look so powerful. +[1902.080 --> 1905.960] I'm like, I got to pull my phone out here and check it. +[1905.960 --> 1906.960] That's it. +[1906.960 --> 1907.960] Wow. +[1907.960 --> 1910.560] And also, like you can still like text while you're there. +[1910.560 --> 1912.280] First of all, you can rest your arms in the table. +[1912.280 --> 1913.280] That's okay too. +[1913.280 --> 1914.680] You're still looking out, right? +[1914.680 --> 1915.680] Up and out. +[1915.680 --> 1916.680] Up and out. +[1916.680 --> 1917.680] I love that. +[1917.680 --> 1918.680] Especially if it's something about our arms. +[1918.680 --> 1919.680] Okay. +[1919.680 --> 1920.680] That's what I'll show you with our arms. +[1920.680 --> 1921.680] Okay. +[1921.680 --> 1923.280] So first cue, ears to shoulders, second cue. +[1923.280 --> 1925.800] Distance between your torso and your arms. +[1925.800 --> 1926.800] Watch this. +[1926.800 --> 1930.040] So if you're listening, I want you to pin your arms tightly to your side. +[1930.040 --> 1931.920] And I want you to try to roll your chest in. +[1931.920 --> 1934.120] And then I want you to cross your arms over your chest. +[1934.120 --> 1936.360] Like you're giving yourself like a little hug in front. +[1936.360 --> 1939.320] You will begin to feel like, I'm a little nervous. +[1939.320 --> 1941.280] I'm a little anxious and a little uncomfortable. +[1941.280 --> 1944.480] You will actually speak in shorter sentences when you sit like this. +[1944.480 --> 1946.440] You're more likely to say no in research. +[1946.440 --> 1950.440] They find that when you're in closed bilingual languages, you are more likely to say no. +[1950.440 --> 1956.400] This pose, if you're not watching on YouTube, is the kind of pose you would imagine somebody +[1956.400 --> 1964.360] sitting in in a gymnasium at a dance where they haven't been asked to dance. +[1964.360 --> 1968.400] And so as you cross your arms in front of your body and you kind of roll your shoulders +[1968.400 --> 1971.240] forward, you do feel kind of like you're a loser. +[1971.240 --> 1972.240] Yes. +[1972.240 --> 1976.640] And I'm literally like, wow, I could get attacked at any time right now. +[1976.640 --> 1978.920] That's it because it's a protective gesture. +[1978.920 --> 1980.600] These all come from a reason, right? +[1980.600 --> 1982.240] These body language cues are not made up. +[1982.240 --> 1985.280] The reason why they're universal, not all body language is universal, but the cues we're +[1985.280 --> 1987.120] going to talk about today are universal. +[1987.120 --> 1990.960] It's because there's a reason from an evolutionary perspective why this happens. +[1990.960 --> 1996.160] So if I'm worried about someone attacking me, I want to protect my vital organs. +[1996.160 --> 2000.200] I want to not have my flanks exposed and I want to take up as little space as possible. +[2000.200 --> 2001.640] So no one notices me. +[2001.640 --> 2005.760] So we forget that when we're sitting in a meeting or we're going on a date or we're trying +[2005.760 --> 2009.160] to psych ourselves that we're sitting in the car and we're like, oh, I'm so nervous. +[2009.160 --> 2011.680] We're actually creating a negative feedback loop for ourselves. +[2011.680 --> 2013.160] So what do we do with our arms? +[2013.160 --> 2019.760] So always, please make sure you are using a desk chair with arm rests. +[2019.760 --> 2021.400] So this chair is actually a little hard. +[2021.400 --> 2022.400] Because we're going to do it. +[2022.400 --> 2023.400] I can do it. +[2023.400 --> 2024.400] I can do it. +[2024.400 --> 2025.400] I can do it. +[2025.400 --> 2025.900] I can do it. +[2025.900 --> 2027.420] Are you and I are both very tall. +[2027.420 --> 2028.420] We're very tall. +[2028.420 --> 2029.420] I know. +[2029.420 --> 2030.420] I know. +[2030.420 --> 2031.420] So this is okay if you're a little bit shorter. +[2031.420 --> 2032.420] It's okay. +[2032.420 --> 2033.420] We have some. +[2033.420 --> 2034.420] First of all, arm rests immediately bring space. +[2034.420 --> 2035.420] Now look at the difference between this. +[2035.420 --> 2036.420] That's true. +[2036.420 --> 2037.420] And this. +[2037.420 --> 2039.820] And for you listening, all we're doing is moving our elbows out to the side. +[2039.820 --> 2040.820] That's it. +[2040.820 --> 2042.820] So I'm actually okay and my mom would not be able to be happy with me. +[2042.820 --> 2044.420] I'm actually okay with elbows on the table. +[2044.420 --> 2046.500] If they're nice and broad, you can see space. +[2046.500 --> 2047.820] I'm not trying to be protective. +[2047.820 --> 2051.060] It actually broadens my chest, which gives me more oxygen, which allows me to have more +[2051.060 --> 2052.140] vocal power. +[2052.140 --> 2054.740] So I want you to always choose the chair with the arm rests. +[2054.740 --> 2058.700] Like when I go into pitches or I'm talking to a client, I always pick the chair with +[2058.700 --> 2059.700] the arm rests. +[2059.700 --> 2061.700] I never pick the low slouchy couch. +[2061.700 --> 2062.700] The low slouchy couch. +[2062.700 --> 2065.540] I know I also pick a chair with an arm rest because I like to swivel. +[2065.540 --> 2066.540] Oh, the swivel is so good. +[2066.540 --> 2068.860] And I like to cock and I'll go on the back of the chair. +[2068.860 --> 2069.860] That's so good. +[2069.860 --> 2070.860] This is so good. +[2070.860 --> 2071.860] So confident. +[2071.860 --> 2072.860] I'm like super relaxed. +[2072.860 --> 2073.860] You're a cowgirl. +[2073.860 --> 2074.860] That's basically what that is, right? +[2074.860 --> 2075.860] Yes. +[2075.860 --> 2077.660] And so that is a confidence or you're claiming space. +[2077.660 --> 2078.660] You have freedom of movement. +[2078.660 --> 2082.060] The other reason why I love a swivel is because we should be fronting with whoever we're +[2082.060 --> 2083.060] talking to. +[2083.060 --> 2084.060] Oh. +[2084.460 --> 2088.460] By that, if you're listening again, you're seeing all this on the YouTube version of +[2088.460 --> 2089.460] this episode. +[2089.460 --> 2094.060] But if you are in a meeting and you're in a swivel chair, we want you to turn your chair +[2094.060 --> 2096.180] and face the person who's actually talking. +[2096.180 --> 2097.180] Exactly. +[2097.180 --> 2100.020] It is a non-bubble sign of respect when you swivel your chair towards them. +[2100.020 --> 2103.740] You're literally saying, I'm going to angle my entire body to get on the same page as +[2103.740 --> 2104.740] you. +[2104.740 --> 2105.740] Tell me. +[2105.740 --> 2106.740] Tell me more. +[2106.740 --> 2107.740] I'm aligned with you. +[2107.740 --> 2110.660] And physically, from a research perspective, when we are aligned on the same parallel +[2110.660 --> 2113.900] lines as someone else, we can see each other's body language better. +[2113.900 --> 2116.140] We literally feel like we're on the same page. +[2116.140 --> 2118.420] And so this swivel chair adds to that. +[2118.420 --> 2122.340] And then if you can add arm rest, that immediately broadens us and immediately gives us more +[2122.340 --> 2124.940] perceived and feel felt confidence. +[2124.940 --> 2130.500] You know, it's super great also for someone, especially if you're listening and you're +[2130.500 --> 2132.420] shy, you're introverted. +[2132.420 --> 2134.260] You don't like the attention on you. +[2134.260 --> 2139.140] These are non-verbal things you can do that based on the research. +[2139.140 --> 2140.140] Yes. +[2140.140 --> 2144.780] You're very great that you're confident, that you're influential, that you are respectful, +[2144.780 --> 2148.780] that you are powerful, despite the fact that you're not saying anything. +[2148.780 --> 2149.780] That's it. +[2149.780 --> 2150.780] What am I doing with my hands? +[2150.780 --> 2151.780] Okay. +[2151.780 --> 2152.780] So they actually study this. +[2152.780 --> 2158.060] They took video tapes of leaders speaking and they had participants rate the leaders on +[2158.060 --> 2160.180] their charisma, specifically their gestures. +[2160.180 --> 2162.380] They had all kinds of gestures in these videos. +[2162.380 --> 2167.580] They found there was one single gesture that people rated as the most charismatic. +[2167.580 --> 2170.460] And I call it the power pose for the hands. +[2170.460 --> 2171.940] It is a steeple. +[2171.940 --> 2175.060] So a steeple is when you touch the tops of your fingers, tips slightly together and you +[2175.060 --> 2177.580] keep a space between your palms. +[2177.580 --> 2180.300] It is the most calm, broad gesture for your hand. +[2180.300 --> 2181.300] You can do it with an arm rest. +[2181.300 --> 2182.300] You can do it on the table. +[2182.300 --> 2183.300] Right now, just be careful. +[2183.300 --> 2184.300] Don't drum. +[2184.300 --> 2185.300] That's evil drumming. +[2185.300 --> 2186.300] That's very Mr. Burns. +[2186.300 --> 2187.300] Okay. +[2187.300 --> 2188.300] So now, if you're not tapping your fingers. +[2188.300 --> 2189.300] We're not drumming our fingers. +[2189.300 --> 2194.700] And if you're listening everybody and I want you to touch your pinky to your pinky, like +[2194.700 --> 2196.300] literally make a triangle with your hands. +[2196.300 --> 2197.300] Just try this with me for a second. +[2197.340 --> 2198.340] Yeah. +[2198.340 --> 2200.820] It will actually make you feel more grounded when you do it. +[2200.820 --> 2205.100] It's almost like you got like super power running from one hand to the other hand. +[2205.100 --> 2207.420] You're like, you know, just as you put it down. +[2207.420 --> 2208.420] And the power is the only thing. +[2208.420 --> 2209.420] Good idea. +[2209.420 --> 2210.420] Yeah. +[2210.420 --> 2211.900] So it's a very relaxed gesture. +[2211.900 --> 2215.460] Now, whenever I teach a cue, there are 97 cues, right? +[2215.460 --> 2216.980] Not every cue is going to work for you. +[2216.980 --> 2217.980] That's okay. +[2217.980 --> 2222.260] I recommend, please try it three times in three different situations. +[2222.260 --> 2223.260] Try it in a meeting. +[2223.260 --> 2224.460] Try it on a Zoom call. +[2224.460 --> 2225.460] Try it on a date. +[2225.460 --> 2226.460] Try it with a friend. +[2226.500 --> 2229.180] If you've tried it three different times with three different people and you still feel +[2229.180 --> 2232.340] ridiculous, you might not want to use it, right? +[2232.340 --> 2233.540] I don't want you to feel silly. +[2233.540 --> 2235.340] What's the second recommendation for your hands? +[2235.340 --> 2236.340] Second recommendation. +[2236.340 --> 2237.340] Okay. +[2237.340 --> 2238.340] I love a steeple. +[2238.340 --> 2241.700] The other one is a very small little subtle gesture, but it's a cue of excitement. +[2241.700 --> 2246.940] So leaders, highly effective people are queuing people around them to know how to feel. +[2246.940 --> 2249.060] Cues tell others how they should treat us. +[2249.060 --> 2250.060] So this one's a really good one. +[2250.060 --> 2251.060] This one's my favorite. +[2251.060 --> 2252.060] What is it? +[2252.060 --> 2253.060] It this. +[2253.060 --> 2254.060] Oh, you rub with your hands together. +[2254.060 --> 2255.060] Yes. +[2255.060 --> 2257.700] Rubbing your hands together as you're talking. +[2257.700 --> 2260.500] So like when I'm about to say something, oh, this is really good. +[2260.500 --> 2261.820] This is really exciting. +[2261.820 --> 2265.300] Even that small little gesture should be like, oh, this is going to be good. +[2265.300 --> 2266.300] I don't know why. +[2266.300 --> 2268.900] I think it's because we warm our hands this way, but a very subtle one is if you're about +[2268.900 --> 2272.620] to share something good or tell something like, oh, this is such a good little story. +[2272.620 --> 2274.740] That one little cue, it shows excitement. +[2274.740 --> 2275.740] It triggers excitement. +[2275.740 --> 2278.220] So you can often go from the this to the this. +[2278.220 --> 2279.220] You know what? +[2279.220 --> 2280.220] I just got as you were doing that. +[2280.220 --> 2281.220] What? +[2281.220 --> 2283.220] It's almost like, you know, that's the motion you make when you're swiveling a stick +[2283.220 --> 2284.220] to do a fire. +[2284.220 --> 2284.980] Yeah. +[2284.980 --> 2286.580] So it's like literally generating heat. +[2286.580 --> 2287.580] Yes. +[2287.580 --> 2288.580] It's so cool. +[2288.580 --> 2289.580] It's what you're signaling. +[2289.580 --> 2292.420] We're generating conversational heat if you're going to go with the metaphor. +[2292.420 --> 2293.420] Wow. +[2293.420 --> 2297.060] Now, the common line really, the bigger takeaway here is visible hands. +[2297.060 --> 2298.060] Okay. +[2298.060 --> 2300.380] So every gesture I could teach you is visible hands. +[2300.380 --> 2301.380] It's a palm flash. +[2301.380 --> 2302.380] It's a steeple. +[2302.380 --> 2303.380] It's a gesture. +[2303.380 --> 2305.620] It's a gesture towards you. +[2305.620 --> 2307.580] Visible is bare minimum. +[2307.580 --> 2312.260] So highly effective people, they claim space with their shoulders and their arms. +[2312.260 --> 2314.820] They have their hands visible because they want to show intention. +[2314.820 --> 2319.860] We some gestures communicate 400% more information. +[2319.860 --> 2322.580] Like if I were to say three, you're more likely to believe my three, then if I were to say +[2322.580 --> 2324.540] three and hold up five. +[2324.540 --> 2326.100] So we just believe hands more often. +[2326.100 --> 2329.140] So if I were to say I have three really important things to tell you. +[2329.140 --> 2330.140] I'm looking at your hands. +[2330.140 --> 2331.140] Here you go. +[2331.140 --> 2332.140] So it's fine. +[2332.140 --> 2333.140] And she's holding up as you're listening. +[2333.140 --> 2335.540] All five, well, is your thumb a finger? +[2335.540 --> 2336.540] Like I don't even know. +[2336.540 --> 2337.540] So like four. +[2337.540 --> 2338.540] Five finger. +[2338.540 --> 2339.540] Yes. +[2339.540 --> 2341.380] A thumb is a finger. +[2341.380 --> 2342.380] Okay. +[2342.380 --> 2346.060] I hold up five, but say three. +[2346.060 --> 2347.060] Three. +[2347.060 --> 2348.060] Horrible. +[2348.060 --> 2349.060] And you just can't do it. +[2349.060 --> 2350.060] It doesn't. +[2350.060 --> 2351.060] I'm trying to do it as your listening. +[2351.060 --> 2352.060] You were trying to do it as your listening. +[2352.060 --> 2353.060] You were trying to do it as your listening. +[2353.060 --> 2355.220] You were like, I have three ideas, but hold up five. +[2355.220 --> 2356.220] I have three ideas. +[2356.220 --> 2357.220] Three ideas. +[2357.220 --> 2358.220] Horrible. +[2358.220 --> 2359.220] Horrible. +[2359.220 --> 2360.220] Why? +[2360.220 --> 2361.220] I don't know. +[2361.220 --> 2362.220] I know. +[2362.220 --> 2363.220] I'm going to tell you. +[2363.220 --> 2364.220] That was a rhetorical question. +[2364.220 --> 2365.220] I'm going to tell you. +[2365.220 --> 2366.220] I was asking why do I say? +[2366.220 --> 2367.220] So here's why. +[2367.220 --> 2370.020] It is because it is very hard to lie with gesture. +[2370.020 --> 2371.780] We are very used to lying with our words. +[2371.780 --> 2374.740] So it's very easy to say three, five easy. +[2374.740 --> 2376.300] It is very hard to lie with gesture. +[2376.300 --> 2380.060] So if I were to say I have a really big idea and I were to hold up my hands like this +[2380.060 --> 2383.540] in a very small, like I'm holding a little dime or a penny, you would say, Vanessa, it's +[2383.540 --> 2384.540] small. +[2384.540 --> 2386.100] So our brain subconsciously knows this. +[2386.100 --> 2389.100] We are more likely to believe a gesture over a word. +[2389.100 --> 2390.100] Interesting. +[2390.100 --> 2392.900] That is why highly competent people are so good with their gestures. +[2392.900 --> 2396.500] Is there basically signaling to you, I believe in my content so much. +[2396.500 --> 2399.540] I know my stuff so well that I can speak to you on two tracks. +[2399.540 --> 2400.540] I'm out with the hands. +[2400.540 --> 2401.540] Yes. +[2401.540 --> 2405.380] So another kind of expert level's bottom is keep invisible. +[2405.380 --> 2407.260] Keep your hands visible out of pockets above the desk. +[2407.260 --> 2409.260] I like to greet hands first. +[2409.260 --> 2411.120] Second is can you be explanatory? +[2411.120 --> 2414.300] Can you add a punctuation or an underline or a highlight if you're going to say you have +[2414.300 --> 2415.300] a big idea. +[2415.300 --> 2416.300] Show me how big it is. +[2416.300 --> 2417.700] Is it beach ball big? +[2417.700 --> 2421.300] So for you listening, I really want you to get this. +[2421.300 --> 2424.740] You might want to check out the YouTube version so you can watch this. +[2424.740 --> 2430.740] But as she was saying, big idea, she literally held her hands out to be demonstrative with +[2430.740 --> 2431.740] her hands. +[2431.740 --> 2434.860] And it does communicate under belief. +[2434.860 --> 2435.860] And it's like you're right. +[2435.860 --> 2438.460] It's like taking a highlighter with your meatmits. +[2438.460 --> 2439.460] That's it. +[2439.460 --> 2440.460] And just saying like here we go. +[2440.460 --> 2441.460] I believe in this. +[2441.460 --> 2442.460] And it's purposeful. +[2442.460 --> 2443.460] Right. +[2443.460 --> 2446.220] So it's not just gestures for the sake of gestures where I'm just jazz hands in. +[2446.220 --> 2447.700] It's like underlining purposefully. +[2447.700 --> 2449.540] It's like giving someone an outline. +[2449.540 --> 2450.700] That's so cool. +[2450.700 --> 2453.940] So how do highly influential people communicate? +[2453.940 --> 2454.940] Okay. +[2454.940 --> 2459.860] So highly influential people, they communicate with their nonverbal, their vocal, and +[2459.860 --> 2460.860] their verbal. +[2460.860 --> 2463.420] We talked a little bit about it in a bottle language. +[2463.420 --> 2466.700] Last time we talked a lot about vocal, but we want to keep our voice nice and low. +[2466.700 --> 2469.100] We also want to make sure we're not using vocal fry. +[2469.100 --> 2470.780] So vocal fry is when we're like this. +[2470.780 --> 2474.180] If you hear yourself using vocal fry, just speak louder. +[2474.180 --> 2475.180] Okay. +[2475.180 --> 2477.740] Volume immediately gets rid of vocal fry. +[2477.740 --> 2481.460] So if you hear yourself going into that pattern where it's like a sizzling pant, just speak +[2481.460 --> 2482.780] a little bit louder. +[2482.780 --> 2485.780] Same thing if you hear someone using vocal fry, you can ask them to speak up. +[2485.780 --> 2486.780] Got it. +[2486.780 --> 2489.300] So nonverbal, we talked about vocal. +[2489.300 --> 2491.460] We talked about, we all talked about it a lot in the last episode. +[2491.460 --> 2492.460] Definitely listen to that one. +[2492.460 --> 2493.460] That was a fun one. +[2493.460 --> 2494.460] Verbal. +[2494.460 --> 2496.260] Verbal is the last big section. +[2496.260 --> 2497.580] So we talked about labels. +[2497.580 --> 2503.300] One thing I didn't talk about is how highly influential people use verbal patterns that change +[2503.300 --> 2505.020] people's behavior. +[2505.020 --> 2507.020] Here's one of my favorite studies. +[2507.020 --> 2508.700] I think about this study all the time. +[2508.700 --> 2512.620] What they did is they brought participants into their lab and they sloth them up. +[2512.620 --> 2513.620] Into their lab? +[2513.620 --> 2514.620] Lab. +[2514.620 --> 2515.620] Oh, I think it's like, wow. +[2515.620 --> 2516.620] It's a spec. +[2516.620 --> 2521.940] I don't know what they'd be able to do when they're a lab. +[2521.940 --> 2524.540] But we were talking about it in the body language. +[2524.540 --> 2526.780] Into their lab. +[2526.780 --> 2528.180] And I should be careful with that word. +[2528.180 --> 2529.180] No, you don't. +[2529.180 --> 2530.180] I might have been that. +[2530.180 --> 2532.180] I think we were talking about body language. +[2532.180 --> 2533.180] So I figured about body language. +[2533.180 --> 2534.180] You were sitting in their labs. +[2534.180 --> 2535.180] That's so interesting. +[2535.180 --> 2538.180] We should do all of your interviews like that. +[2538.180 --> 2539.180] Okay. +[2539.180 --> 2542.820] They brought people into their lab and they slothed them up into two different groups. +[2542.820 --> 2544.580] The first group came into the lab. +[2544.580 --> 2548.720] They were greeted by the researcher and they were told today you are playing the community +[2548.720 --> 2552.140] game and they went to explain the roles of the game and they played the game. +[2552.140 --> 2556.660] The second group came into the same lab, the same researcher and they were told today +[2556.660 --> 2558.540] you are playing the Wall Street game. +[2558.540 --> 2562.820] But the trick was the games were exactly the same. +[2562.820 --> 2567.460] Everything was the same except for that single word cue. +[2567.460 --> 2571.860] So being told you were playing the community game versus being told you were playing the +[2571.860 --> 2572.860] Wall Street game. +[2572.860 --> 2573.860] So Wall Street versus community. +[2573.940 --> 2574.940] That's it. +[2574.940 --> 2575.940] Everything else was exactly the same. +[2575.940 --> 2576.940] Okay. +[2576.940 --> 2577.940] Guess what happened? +[2577.940 --> 2581.260] People that were in the Wall Street game immediately turned it on like I'm going to +[2581.260 --> 2585.620] win and people who were told we're going to play the community game, they turned it +[2585.620 --> 2587.100] on to be connected. +[2587.100 --> 2588.100] Okay. +[2588.100 --> 2592.460] So you're exactly right but the outcome is a little bit sour than that. +[2592.460 --> 2593.460] Okay. +[2593.460 --> 2594.460] But the outcome is sad. +[2594.460 --> 2595.460] You're right. +[2595.460 --> 2598.980] The Wall Street will want to win which means they shared an average of one third of their +[2598.980 --> 2600.580] profits. +[2600.580 --> 2604.300] And the community game people shared an average of two thirds of their profits. +[2604.300 --> 2605.300] Wow. +[2605.300 --> 2611.540] In other words, people who were primed, where they heard the word Wall Street, thought about +[2611.540 --> 2613.900] sharing or being less communal. +[2613.900 --> 2615.540] So they didn't want to share as much. +[2615.540 --> 2617.540] They were primed by the idea of Wall Street. +[2617.540 --> 2618.540] Wow. +[2618.540 --> 2623.940] Whereas people who were told they were playing the community game actually acted more collaboratively. +[2623.940 --> 2627.940] This is an incredible study because it shows that we can change someone's behavior with +[2627.940 --> 2630.660] one single word. +[2630.660 --> 2633.860] So when you think about your calendar invites, what kind of calendar invites you sending? +[2633.860 --> 2640.340] I don't know about you, but I usually get call meeting one-on-one, the out conference, +[2640.340 --> 2642.380] video call zoom. +[2642.380 --> 2643.380] Those are sterile. +[2643.380 --> 2645.660] They are not priming anyone for anything. +[2645.660 --> 2649.020] You are actually telling someone, keep your brain on a pilot. +[2649.020 --> 2651.660] This meaning will be exactly the same as all the others. +[2651.660 --> 2655.820] What I want you to do is think about how can you play the community game? +[2655.820 --> 2661.780] What do you want someone to feel, think and behave like when they see that invite pop +[2661.780 --> 2662.780] up in their inbox? +[2662.780 --> 2663.780] What do you recommend? +[2663.780 --> 2664.780] Okay. +[2664.780 --> 2672.500] Collaborative session, 2024 wins, goal meeting, mastery meeting, team session, team collaboration, +[2672.500 --> 2673.500] creative hour. +[2673.500 --> 2674.500] Right? +[2674.500 --> 2679.820] They're not long, but we're using words that are actually setting people up to feel and +[2679.820 --> 2681.020] behave in those ways. +[2681.020 --> 2682.020] I don't know about you. +[2682.020 --> 2684.340] I opened my calendar multiple times a day. +[2684.340 --> 2689.300] So if you send a calendar invite that is purposeful, that is actually setting that for success, +[2689.300 --> 2694.860] you are priming them to feel and act that way every single time they open their calendar. +[2694.860 --> 2696.060] That breaks autopilot. +[2696.060 --> 2697.820] I love that. +[2697.820 --> 2698.980] We are implementing that. +[2698.980 --> 2700.940] I am yelling at everybody now. +[2700.940 --> 2702.180] We're implementing that. +[2702.180 --> 2704.540] And no more emails that say subject follow up. +[2704.540 --> 2706.940] Oh, the up is the worst subject in the history. +[2706.940 --> 2708.420] We're just one history. +[2708.420 --> 2711.620] Vanessa, I just love learning from you. +[2711.620 --> 2714.300] And speaking of learning, I want you. +[2714.300 --> 2719.380] If it's in reach to grab a pen and a piece of paper while we take a short break to hear +[2719.380 --> 2722.900] a word from our sponsors, also make sure you share this episode with somebody that you +[2722.900 --> 2729.180] love because a little bit later in the episode, we are going to be playing a game that Vanessa +[2729.180 --> 2733.580] says will change the way you think about productivity and focus forever. +[2733.580 --> 2736.020] Stay with us. +[2736.020 --> 2737.020] Welcome back. +[2737.020 --> 2738.020] I'm Mel Robbins. +[2738.020 --> 2739.260] I'm so thrilled that you're here. +[2739.260 --> 2744.220] You and I are learning so much about leveling up and the habits of people who are highly +[2744.220 --> 2745.380] influential. +[2745.380 --> 2746.380] That's you. +[2746.380 --> 2753.140] And so Vanessa, for someone though that is again, nervous about saying the wrong thing. +[2753.140 --> 2759.100] Are there certain words that people use that are highly influential or are there things +[2759.100 --> 2761.980] that they talk about with other people? +[2761.980 --> 2765.860] So for people who are nervous, what they're saying, what I would say is you don't have +[2765.860 --> 2766.860] to say more. +[2766.860 --> 2769.340] You just have to be more purposeful of what you say. +[2769.340 --> 2773.620] I think that's a common misconception of people who are nervous or introverted is they +[2773.620 --> 2776.900] don't want to have to say more to explain themselves. +[2776.900 --> 2782.700] Actually using very purposeful behavior cues in your language allows you to say less. +[2782.700 --> 2786.460] Like I can say, let's have a collaborative session tomorrow and then invite you to that. +[2786.460 --> 2788.900] You know exactly what that's going to be. +[2788.900 --> 2790.580] I don't need to write a whole agenda. +[2790.580 --> 2792.300] I don't need to have to explain it. +[2792.300 --> 2793.300] You immediately know it. +[2793.300 --> 2798.700] I don't have to say, so tomorrow I would really like us to open up and talk and maybe share +[2798.700 --> 2802.940] some might, no, all you have to say is let's do a collaborative session tomorrow or that's +[2802.940 --> 2803.940] highly warm, right? +[2803.940 --> 2807.140] If you want to be highly competent, let's do a brainstorm session tomorrow. +[2807.140 --> 2810.220] Or everyone tomorrow, we're doing a power through day. +[2810.220 --> 2811.220] Tomorrow is a day. +[2811.220 --> 2812.220] We're going to whip out those tasks. +[2812.220 --> 2813.220] We are going to do it together. +[2813.220 --> 2814.220] We're going to conquer some of those tasks. +[2814.220 --> 2815.220] We're going to be super efficient. +[2815.220 --> 2816.220] I'm wearing sweats. +[2816.220 --> 2817.220] Let's go. +[2817.220 --> 2818.620] Those are where you run. +[2818.620 --> 2820.340] That changes your perception of the day. +[2820.340 --> 2822.540] It also changes how you would act in the day. +[2822.620 --> 2826.300] There's another study that was, there was many studies that show the power of our words, +[2826.300 --> 2830.460] especially behavior cues, but there's one other that I think demonstrates really the potential +[2830.460 --> 2832.260] here. +[2832.260 --> 2836.740] What they did is they had participants come into their lab and they gave them a basic +[2836.740 --> 2839.020] task, like an intelligence task. +[2839.020 --> 2841.300] They had two different versions of the task. +[2841.300 --> 2844.260] One, had a set of sterile formal directions. +[2844.260 --> 2846.140] The kind of directions you always see. +[2846.140 --> 2848.820] Please complete the following, the best of your ability. +[2848.820 --> 2854.940] The second group had the same set of directions, but they sprinkled in a couple of achievement-oriented +[2854.940 --> 2855.940] words. +[2855.940 --> 2861.380] So according to the research, achievement-oriented words are words like master, success, win, +[2861.380 --> 2862.380] achieve. +[2862.380 --> 2866.500] They wanted to know if just sprinkling in a couple of those words could change the people +[2866.500 --> 2867.500] performed. +[2867.500 --> 2869.060] Here's what they found. +[2869.060 --> 2875.420] Everyone who got the achievement-oriented words performed better on the task. +[2875.420 --> 2877.180] They also, this is more important. +[2877.180 --> 2882.340] When double the amount of time working on the task, they had more motivation to the task +[2882.340 --> 2885.540] and they enjoyed the task more. +[2885.540 --> 2889.460] This shows us that as humans, we are desperate for these cues. +[2889.460 --> 2894.020] We want people to tell us how to act and think and behave or set us up for success because +[2894.020 --> 2896.100] that gives us motivation. +[2896.100 --> 2902.580] When we hear a word like win or see a word like win, it makes us think more like winners, +[2902.580 --> 2904.460] and that is a gift. +[2904.460 --> 2909.140] It is a gift to use these words to not be on autopilot with your emails, to not be on +[2909.140 --> 2910.660] autopilot with your calendar invite. +[2910.660 --> 2916.080] The onus is on us to wake up our words, to take interactions off of autopilot, and to +[2916.080 --> 2917.180] gift people motivation. +[2917.180 --> 2918.180] I'm ready to win. +[2918.180 --> 2919.180] Let's go. +[2919.180 --> 2920.180] Let's go. +[2920.180 --> 2921.180] I'm ready to win. +[2921.180 --> 2922.180] Come on Vanessa. +[2922.180 --> 2923.180] Let's go. +[2923.180 --> 2924.180] What about self-talk? +[2924.180 --> 2925.180] Yes. +[2925.180 --> 2929.700] How does a highly influential person talk to themselves? +[2929.700 --> 2931.020] I mean, are they super critical? +[2931.020 --> 2935.780] I know a lot of successful people, they're very hard on themselves. +[2935.780 --> 2940.260] One I think that a very simple research-backed answer would be use more behavior cues on +[2940.260 --> 2941.260] yourself. +[2941.260 --> 2943.460] Use words like win for yourself. +[2943.460 --> 2944.460] Give me an example. +[2944.460 --> 2945.460] Okay. +[2945.460 --> 2948.940] On my calendar, when I have to do my research, I'm in a research year right now, I don't label +[2948.940 --> 2955.380] it Vanessa Block or Vanessa Writing Block. +[2955.380 --> 2956.540] That is so boring. +[2956.540 --> 2959.260] That primes me to be like, oh, a research block. +[2959.260 --> 2960.260] Writing Block. +[2960.260 --> 2963.380] It's Vanessa Winning Morning. +[2963.380 --> 2965.580] Get it done, Vanessa. +[2965.580 --> 2967.340] Power up Vanessa. +[2967.340 --> 2973.380] All my alarms in my phone are super motivational of the words that I literally want to see. +[2973.380 --> 2976.660] One is in your own calendar invites, in your own alarms, in your own self-talk, the more +[2976.660 --> 2979.740] that you can use these cues for yourself, the better. +[2979.740 --> 2981.860] That is my research-backed answer, and it works. +[2981.860 --> 2982.860] It does work. +[2982.860 --> 2984.940] How can you talk to anyone with these? +[2984.940 --> 2985.940] Please. +[2985.940 --> 2986.940] Confident. +[2986.940 --> 2987.940] Yes. +[2987.940 --> 2988.940] Okay. +[2988.940 --> 2991.340] The more that we can talk about our own behavior, the better. +[2991.340 --> 2992.340] Okay. +[2992.340 --> 2999.260] But I think that how we talk to anyone with ease and confidence is by breaking autopilot. +[2999.260 --> 3001.060] Conversations become stilted. +[3001.060 --> 3004.180] Conversations become difficult when we're both of us are on autopilot. +[3004.180 --> 3005.180] This sounds like this. +[3005.180 --> 3007.180] Hey, how's it going? +[3007.180 --> 3008.180] Good. +[3008.180 --> 3009.180] Busy. +[3009.180 --> 3010.180] Good. +[3010.180 --> 3011.180] Right? +[3011.180 --> 3012.180] Busy good. +[3012.180 --> 3013.180] Oh, how about you? +[3013.180 --> 3014.180] Yeah, busy but good. +[3014.180 --> 3015.180] How are the kids? +[3015.180 --> 3016.180] Oh, good. +[3016.180 --> 3017.180] That's a funer. +[3017.180 --> 3018.180] That's a funer. +[3018.260 --> 3023.540] I think that well-meaning people, they ask what I would call safe questions or autopilot +[3023.540 --> 3026.380] questions and they get the same answers. +[3026.380 --> 3030.260] The only way I think to talk to you with ease and confidence is to break autopilot and +[3030.260 --> 3031.580] it's uncomfortable. +[3031.580 --> 3034.660] Is there a question or two that you like? +[3034.660 --> 3035.660] Yes. +[3035.660 --> 3041.980] If you are willing with me, anyone who's listening to stretch a little bit, I think we have to +[3041.980 --> 3044.340] break out of the, how are you? +[3044.340 --> 3045.340] What do you do? +[3045.340 --> 3046.340] Where are you from? +[3046.340 --> 3048.980] In fact, I would like you to go on a diet with those questions. +[3048.980 --> 3051.260] You are no longer going to ask those questions. +[3051.260 --> 3053.460] You are immediately triggering autopilot with those questions. +[3053.460 --> 3056.220] If I ask someone, what do you do, they've answered a million times before. +[3056.220 --> 3057.900] Instead, I want you to ask, what's been good? +[3057.900 --> 3058.900] What's good? +[3058.900 --> 3060.780] What's good this week? +[3060.780 --> 3064.700] Or you asked me this at the end of your working on anything exciting recently? +[3064.700 --> 3066.540] So what's good? +[3066.540 --> 3070.340] Working on anything exciting recently and specifically with what do you do? +[3070.340 --> 3073.700] That question is problematic for me because I think that what you're really asking is what +[3073.700 --> 3074.700] are you worth? +[3075.220 --> 3077.460] You're trying to put someone in a box and I get it. +[3077.460 --> 3079.500] We want to understand what people come from. +[3079.500 --> 3084.340] It is much kinder to ask someone, working on anything exciting these days. +[3084.340 --> 3089.500] Well, it also means if you're working on applications to go to school or you're working +[3089.500 --> 3093.980] on training for something or I'm working on not losing it with my children. +[3093.980 --> 3095.780] Yes, exactly. +[3095.780 --> 3101.220] That question gives someone permission to tell you what they are excited about and that +[3101.220 --> 3102.460] is a gift. +[3102.540 --> 3106.380] When you ask what do you do, you're actually putting someone on a very specific box. +[3106.380 --> 3110.660] So replace how are you with what's good or what's been the highlight of your week or +[3110.660 --> 3112.660] what's the highlight of your day. +[3112.660 --> 3116.820] Replace what do you do with working on anything exciting or have anything coming up that's +[3116.820 --> 3119.420] exciting or have any fun plans coming up. +[3119.420 --> 3124.700] There's subtle switches but they make a huge difference because when you ask someone, +[3124.700 --> 3129.580] working on anything exciting, their brain has to search for excitement, excitement, excitement. +[3129.580 --> 3132.140] You just gave them a gift of optimism. +[3132.140 --> 3137.060] You just asked their brain to think of good things which is such a beautiful way to interact. +[3137.060 --> 3139.220] As opposed to I hear a lot, been busy. +[3139.220 --> 3143.900] Oh no, never asked it because if you asked someone, been busy, oh no, I think about how busy +[3143.900 --> 3144.900] I am. +[3144.900 --> 3145.900] All busy. +[3145.900 --> 3146.900] It's so true. +[3146.900 --> 3148.100] And then I literally talk about how busy I am. +[3148.100 --> 3149.100] Yes. +[3149.100 --> 3150.540] So instead of the thing that I'm excited about. +[3150.540 --> 3151.540] Exactly. +[3151.540 --> 3154.220] And it actually triggers this negative loop of only talking about bad things. +[3154.220 --> 3157.060] So one, never open on our pilot. +[3157.060 --> 3159.980] Two, try to talk about things that are exciting. +[3159.980 --> 3164.540] And three, if you can, you want to level up the conversation. +[3164.540 --> 3168.780] So this doesn't mean I think a big mistake that he will make is I ask two deep questions +[3168.780 --> 3169.780] too quickly. +[3169.780 --> 3173.820] So like I don't want it to be like, what's your biggest dream in life? +[3173.820 --> 3174.820] Right. +[3174.820 --> 3175.820] An introvert is going to run. +[3175.820 --> 3176.820] They're going to run. +[3176.820 --> 3181.260] By the way, as a note for introverts, there's a question. +[3181.260 --> 3184.260] So we did a research experiment, a speed networking experiment where we assigned six +[3184.260 --> 3186.060] conversation starters to our speed networkers. +[3186.060 --> 3189.220] It was 500 speed networkers across three different events. +[3189.220 --> 3191.780] And we had them rate the quality of their conversation. +[3191.780 --> 3195.620] We found some conversation starters bounce to the top and someone to the bottom. +[3195.620 --> 3198.540] There was one that almost broke my data. +[3198.540 --> 3200.580] And it was because he either gave it a five. +[3200.580 --> 3201.580] They loved it. +[3201.580 --> 3204.220] I thought it was the best conversation they ever had or they gave it a one. +[3204.220 --> 3205.220] They hated it. +[3205.220 --> 3207.220] And I was like, what is going on? +[3207.220 --> 3208.660] Do you want to know what question it was? +[3208.660 --> 3209.660] Of course. +[3209.660 --> 3210.660] What is it? +[3210.660 --> 3211.660] What's your story? +[3211.660 --> 3213.660] Oh, I hate that question. +[3213.660 --> 3217.620] I'm like, which version of it? +[3217.620 --> 3220.020] I feel like I'm in a therapy session. +[3220.020 --> 3221.020] What? +[3221.020 --> 3222.020] Okay. +[3222.020 --> 3225.220] So introverts and ambaverts hate this question. +[3225.220 --> 3226.220] What's an ambavert? +[3226.220 --> 3230.500] Oh, an ambavert is someone who's in between introvert, they're called social introverts +[3230.500 --> 3232.220] or introverted extroverts. +[3232.220 --> 3234.980] So an ambavert they can make, yeah, I know that's you. +[3234.980 --> 3235.980] Yeah. +[3235.980 --> 3236.980] So you're an ambavert. +[3236.980 --> 3240.540] So it's someone who can dial up into extroversion when needed, but you also need a lot of recharge +[3240.540 --> 3241.540] time. +[3241.540 --> 3244.860] You're going to like, after a really social event, you have to like, oh, I have nothing. +[3244.860 --> 3245.860] That's why you live far away, right? +[3245.860 --> 3246.860] Like same with me. +[3246.860 --> 3249.660] Like I live, I don't want to talk to anyone for certain parts of the day. +[3249.660 --> 3251.340] So ambaverts need a lot of recharge time. +[3251.340 --> 3253.060] They can be extroverted when they need to. +[3253.060 --> 3258.020] So introverts hate that question because they're like, am I in a therapy session? +[3258.020 --> 3259.820] This is horrible. +[3259.820 --> 3261.580] Extroverts love that question. +[3261.580 --> 3263.180] They're like, how much time do you have? +[3263.180 --> 3264.220] Should I start with the childhood? +[3264.220 --> 3265.300] My college years. +[3265.300 --> 3267.620] Like they are thrilled to tell you. +[3267.620 --> 3272.180] So in leveling up conversation, be very careful with that question. +[3272.180 --> 3274.140] If you're with an extrovert, that's a gift. +[3274.140 --> 3275.140] They love that question. +[3275.140 --> 3277.540] And you want to give them lots of time to talk to about themselves. +[3277.540 --> 3281.220] If you're with an ambavert or introvert or you're not sure for heaven's sakes, do not +[3281.220 --> 3285.100] ask that question, you are going to level down that question. +[3285.100 --> 3287.060] So instead, I recommend safe questions. +[3287.060 --> 3291.660] The highest rated questions in our little experiment were what personal passion project +[3291.660 --> 3293.180] are you working on? +[3293.180 --> 3295.220] What was the highlight of your week? +[3295.220 --> 3297.180] Those were two of the highest rated second one. +[3297.180 --> 3298.180] Right? +[3298.180 --> 3299.940] Or have any fun plans coming up? +[3299.940 --> 3300.940] Those are still safe. +[3300.940 --> 3301.940] Right? +[3301.940 --> 3304.300] If you just met someone or you're just catching up, those are all safe questions. +[3304.300 --> 3307.300] So that's how you want to think very carefully about questions you ask. +[3307.300 --> 3308.300] I love that. +[3308.300 --> 3313.420] You have really interesting research about where you sit at work. +[3313.420 --> 3314.420] Yes. +[3314.420 --> 3315.420] Yes. +[3315.420 --> 3316.420] Okay. +[3316.420 --> 3318.540] So this is not my research, but it's research that I found that I was like, how does everyone +[3318.540 --> 3320.460] not know about this? +[3320.460 --> 3324.940] 58,000 working hours across 11 different companies. +[3324.940 --> 3326.940] So this is a massive amount of data. +[3327.220 --> 3328.540] Companies in different industries. +[3328.540 --> 3329.540] Okay. +[3329.540 --> 3336.180] What they found was that if you sit within 25 feet of a high performer, you improve your +[3336.180 --> 3338.420] own performance by 15%. +[3338.420 --> 3339.420] Wow. +[3339.420 --> 3341.500] Yes. +[3341.500 --> 3347.500] What this implies is that our performance is contagious. +[3347.500 --> 3351.940] That highly effective, highly charismatic people are contagious in a good way. +[3351.940 --> 3353.340] They actually lift others up. +[3353.340 --> 3356.900] When we see someone who's sitting in nice, high-confident by language, we are also +[3356.900 --> 3359.220] more likely to sit in confident body language. +[3359.220 --> 3363.340] So all of these cues are actually making you be the contagious high performer, but you +[3363.340 --> 3365.660] also can hang out with high performers. +[3365.660 --> 3370.180] So I think that that power, you can get it from others great and you can also give it +[3370.180 --> 3371.500] to others both. +[3371.500 --> 3375.940] I also understand that the research shows that the negative is true, that if you sit in +[3375.940 --> 3378.980] the wrong place or near like the wrong person, how do you even know? +[3378.980 --> 3379.980] Oh, it's good. +[3379.980 --> 3380.980] So what are we looking for? +[3380.980 --> 3386.380] If you sit next to a low performer, it decreases your performance by 30%. +[3386.380 --> 3387.380] What? +[3387.380 --> 3388.380] Yes. +[3388.380 --> 3389.380] Let me break it down. +[3389.380 --> 3391.700] So this was study was done. +[3391.700 --> 3396.020] They brought people into their lab and again, they swooped up into two different groups. +[3396.020 --> 3397.860] One group wore a sweat suit. +[3397.860 --> 3399.340] That's where they catch the sweat. +[3399.340 --> 3401.460] Yes, because it's going to get gross or just wait. +[3401.460 --> 3404.860] They wore a sweat suit and they had them run on the treadmill and sweat into this sweat +[3404.860 --> 3405.860] suit. +[3405.860 --> 3406.860] Okay. +[3406.860 --> 3407.700] This is pretty gross. +[3407.700 --> 3412.060] The second group wore sweat suits and then did wore first-time skydivers. +[3412.060 --> 3414.900] They had them jump out of planes wearing the sweat suit. +[3414.900 --> 3420.300] And they had two samples of sweat, non-fear sweat and fear sweat. +[3420.300 --> 3421.300] Okay. +[3421.300 --> 3429.780] They took these samples and they had unsuspecting participants smell the samples. +[3429.780 --> 3434.140] They had no idea what they were smelling, but they had them smell these sweaty armpits +[3434.140 --> 3439.660] of these folks and they put them in FMRI machines and they measured their brain patterns. +[3439.660 --> 3444.100] They found that everyone who smelled the fear sweat, even though they had no idea what +[3444.100 --> 3447.180] they were smelling caught the fear. +[3447.180 --> 3451.380] Their own fear centers lit up. +[3451.380 --> 3455.220] What they think is happening is that we are attuned as humans. +[3455.220 --> 3461.940] If someone else is feeling adrenaline and cortisol, that leaks out and we catch other people's +[3461.940 --> 3463.180] fear. +[3463.180 --> 3471.380] So I think that kind of last channel of this is if you are secretly afraid at work, I +[3471.380 --> 3479.140] think that we leak that out in micro cues, small nonverbal cues, chemical cues and +[3479.140 --> 3481.020] that is contagious. +[3481.020 --> 3485.020] So a lot of this is about getting yourself right first. +[3485.020 --> 3490.060] Your day starting with what gives me energy, what socially gives me energy, what work gives +[3490.060 --> 3491.060] me energy. +[3491.060 --> 3494.060] How can I self talk to myself to set myself up like a winner? +[3494.060 --> 3499.540] Because I know that if you don't, you become more negatively contagious. +[3499.540 --> 3504.660] You have also incredible research about specific places you should stand. +[3504.660 --> 3505.660] Yes. +[3505.660 --> 3507.660] Where should I stand at a networking event? +[3507.660 --> 3508.660] Okay. +[3508.660 --> 3510.900] So we did at our speed networking events. +[3510.900 --> 3516.100] We had kind of like a pre session where we observed the foot patterns of people on this +[3516.100 --> 3517.100] map. +[3517.100 --> 3520.220] We had a map of the event and we tracked where people were walking. +[3520.220 --> 3524.860] And we noticed patterns across the events, across multiple different events, is that there +[3524.860 --> 3529.020] were really good places to stand and there were really bad places to stand. +[3529.020 --> 3532.620] There were social traps and there were like social honey pots where you wanted to stand. +[3532.620 --> 3535.100] This is the mistake that most people make in networking events. +[3535.100 --> 3538.380] They stand right at the entrance. +[3538.380 --> 3539.900] So they don't know a lot of people. +[3539.900 --> 3541.940] So they get there and they're like, I'm just going to stand up at the door because I don't +[3541.940 --> 3545.380] know anyone and I'm going to try to get someone as they come in. +[3545.380 --> 3549.060] This produced the shortest conversations we literally watched as people had these really +[3549.060 --> 3550.980] little awkward micro conversations. +[3550.980 --> 3551.980] Why? +[3551.980 --> 3555.860] If someone comes into a room, they need to get themselves situated. +[3555.860 --> 3556.860] They might have to go to the bathroom. +[3556.860 --> 3557.860] They want to get a drink. +[3557.860 --> 3558.860] They want to get something to eat. +[3558.860 --> 3560.660] They also want to scope the room themselves. +[3560.660 --> 3563.660] If you pounce on someone, I call it the starting zone. +[3563.660 --> 3566.620] So if you pounce on someone in that start zone, anywhere near the door, anywhere near the +[3566.620 --> 3571.500] check-in table, anywhere near the coats, you are going to get someone when they are not +[3571.500 --> 3573.420] ready for a high quality connection. +[3573.420 --> 3577.660] They're going to be like, I'm just going to get someone to drink. +[3577.660 --> 3580.220] You are not going to be able to make a connection in that start zone. +[3580.220 --> 3582.220] So a thousand percent. +[3582.220 --> 3583.220] Right. +[3583.220 --> 3584.220] Right. +[3584.220 --> 3585.580] And that's a mistake that a lot of introverts will make. +[3585.580 --> 3587.060] They stand there because they don't know anyone. +[3587.060 --> 3589.140] They're afraid to penetrate the room. +[3589.140 --> 3590.140] No. +[3590.140 --> 3592.140] It's actually triggering even more awkwardness. +[3592.140 --> 3595.300] You're going to have worse, and then introvert goes, why did I even come? +[3595.300 --> 3597.780] I'm not even having good conversations. +[3597.780 --> 3599.900] I know, get that sort of deer in the headlight look. +[3599.900 --> 3603.980] If you watch people, I love to sit and observe people. +[3603.980 --> 3607.580] If you watch people when they walk to an networking event, they're very wide-eyed. +[3607.580 --> 3611.340] And that is because from an evolutionary standpoint, they're trying to take in the room. +[3611.340 --> 3612.340] Who do they know? +[3612.340 --> 3613.340] Where's the host? +[3613.340 --> 3614.340] Where's the bathroom? +[3614.340 --> 3615.340] Where do I put my coat? +[3615.340 --> 3616.340] Is there food? +[3616.620 --> 3621.820] If someone is pounced on when they're doing that kind of wide-eyed survey of glances, +[3621.820 --> 3625.060] they are literally like chemically not ready yet. +[3625.060 --> 3626.060] Wow. +[3626.060 --> 3627.060] But they're not settled enough. +[3627.060 --> 3628.060] Where do I stand? +[3628.060 --> 3629.060] Okay. +[3629.060 --> 3631.580] So the best place, this is where the longest conversations happens in the most business +[3631.580 --> 3636.420] cards were exchanged, was right as people exit the bar. +[3636.420 --> 3638.020] Here's what would happen. +[3638.020 --> 3639.020] People were nervous. +[3639.020 --> 3640.020] They entered the start zone. +[3640.020 --> 3641.020] And they go, I got a drink. +[3641.020 --> 3642.020] I got a drink. +[3642.020 --> 3644.940] Whether that's coffee or tea or whatever, people like to anchor themselves with something +[3644.940 --> 3647.740] in their hand, it gives them something to do psychologically. +[3647.740 --> 3649.580] So they wait in line, and they're kind of like waiting. +[3649.580 --> 3651.300] They're thinking, oh, I'm here. +[3651.300 --> 3652.820] And you'll literally physically see it. +[3652.820 --> 3654.180] You'll be waiting in the drink line. +[3654.180 --> 3657.460] They're like, it's like they're here. +[3657.460 --> 3660.060] Then they get their drink, and they turn to the room. +[3660.060 --> 3664.340] And you'll notice that's when people are ready to connect. +[3664.340 --> 3669.420] That 10 seconds of, I've got my drink in hand, took my first sip, and I've turned to +[3669.420 --> 3670.420] the room. +[3670.420 --> 3671.420] They're like, I'm ready. +[3671.420 --> 3672.420] I'm ready. +[3672.420 --> 3675.820] If you are standing right there, you are a social savior. +[3675.820 --> 3678.940] Because if you don't find someone to talk to in that couple of seconds, you're like, +[3678.940 --> 3680.740] I don't know what to talk to you. +[3680.740 --> 3682.860] But if you're right there, you're like, hey, that looks great. +[3682.860 --> 3684.660] What kind of wine did you get? +[3684.660 --> 3685.740] Or, oh, what's good today? +[3685.740 --> 3687.900] It seems like a fun event. +[3687.900 --> 3691.620] You have just saved someone from having the awkward experience of not having anyone talk +[3691.620 --> 3692.620] to. +[3692.620 --> 3694.620] So right as people exit the bar. +[3694.620 --> 3695.620] Wow. +[3695.620 --> 3697.620] Have you studied social events? +[3697.620 --> 3700.460] And where would you advise somebody to stand if you're single? +[3700.460 --> 3702.380] Or, you know, you're going to an event alone? +[3702.420 --> 3703.420] Yes. +[3703.420 --> 3708.220] If you're going to an event alone, I do highly recommend staying in that exit the bar. +[3708.220 --> 3712.620] The other place for a single person, or if you're going to an alone, is in the eye line +[3712.620 --> 3715.700] of the host, or the most connected person. +[3715.700 --> 3716.700] Here's why. +[3716.700 --> 3719.820] If the host can see you, just, you don't have to be in the conversation of it. +[3719.820 --> 3720.820] They can see you. +[3720.820 --> 3722.420] And they're like, oh, my gosh. +[3722.420 --> 3724.700] Rachel, I've been desperate for you to meet my friend Jasmine. +[3724.700 --> 3726.300] Come on over. +[3726.300 --> 3729.020] You are easily able to be connected to. +[3729.020 --> 3733.420] So I always try to be an eye line of the host if I don't know where I'm going. +[3733.420 --> 3737.660] You also can stand in the eye line of the most extroverted social person because they +[3737.660 --> 3739.900] love to make connections. +[3739.900 --> 3740.900] That is their strength. +[3740.900 --> 3741.900] That is their social strength. +[3741.900 --> 3744.820] That is a gift to an extrovert. +[3744.820 --> 3746.900] So do you know where you should stand at a wedding? +[3746.900 --> 3749.100] Oh, I have a study to tell me. +[3749.100 --> 3750.100] Oh, yay, tell me. +[3750.100 --> 3755.940] The door that the caterers are coming out of with the trays. +[3755.940 --> 3756.940] That's always very helpful. +[3756.940 --> 3758.940] I met Al Roveans. +[3758.940 --> 3761.180] Get over here with the lamb chop. +[3761.180 --> 3762.180] Me too. +[3762.180 --> 3763.180] By the way, it's so funny. +[3763.180 --> 3764.180] You say that? +[3764.180 --> 3765.540] That is my favorite place to hang. +[3765.540 --> 3767.180] Because I'm always hangry. +[3767.180 --> 3771.420] And what's funny is when I stand there, I say the other people, caterers coming out this +[3771.420 --> 3772.580] door, what are you looking for? +[3772.580 --> 3773.580] Yeah, exactly. +[3773.580 --> 3774.580] Come on over here. +[3774.580 --> 3775.580] I'm going to be a ghost. +[3775.580 --> 3776.580] I'll be like, come on over here. +[3776.580 --> 3777.580] I know who grilled cheese got you. +[3777.580 --> 3778.580] I got you. +[3778.580 --> 3779.580] I saw one of those. +[3779.580 --> 3780.580] I got you. +[3780.580 --> 3782.180] You actually become friends with the people who are hangry like you. +[3782.180 --> 3783.580] Yes, exactly. +[3783.580 --> 3786.500] So what is your favorite productivity exercise? +[3787.220 --> 3788.700] How do we increase our focus? +[3788.700 --> 3789.460] OK. +[3789.460 --> 3791.620] So I have a very unique approach for activity. +[3791.620 --> 3792.860] And I want to play a little game. +[3792.860 --> 3793.660] Let's do a little game. +[3793.660 --> 3797.940] OK, so if you're listening, if you can get a pen and paper, that would be great. +[3797.940 --> 3799.220] If not, just use your memory. +[3799.220 --> 3800.620] We'll play a little game together. +[3800.620 --> 3803.380] So what I want you to do, I call this alpha bet work. +[3803.380 --> 3805.500] This is my favorite productivity exercise. +[3805.500 --> 3808.100] It's my favorite team building exercise. +[3808.100 --> 3811.540] It should, if you activate it, completely change the way that you work. +[3811.540 --> 3816.460] So at the top of your piece of paper, I want you to write A, B, C, and D. +[3816.460 --> 3817.460] With four columns. +[3817.460 --> 3818.460] OK. +[3818.460 --> 3819.820] So you're making four columns. +[3819.820 --> 3820.820] Yeah. +[3820.820 --> 3823.700] Once as A, once as B, once as C, once as D. +[3823.700 --> 3824.700] Yeah. +[3824.700 --> 3825.700] Yeah. +[3825.700 --> 3826.700] OK. +[3826.700 --> 3830.420] So what we're going to do is we're going to break your tasks and your work to energy and +[3830.420 --> 3832.540] your social energy into A, B, C, D work. +[3832.540 --> 3834.220] Your A work, we're going to start there. +[3834.220 --> 3840.180] Your A work is only the tasks that you are better at than most people. +[3840.180 --> 3841.180] OK. +[3841.180 --> 3842.700] So A is what I would get an A on. +[3842.700 --> 3844.780] A is what you would get an A plus on. +[3844.780 --> 3845.780] OK. +[3845.780 --> 3846.980] And then you have the energy. +[3846.980 --> 3848.620] You hit flow. +[3848.620 --> 3852.700] You are exceptional at it without any exceptions. +[3852.700 --> 3853.700] OK. +[3853.700 --> 3855.420] And you might even be known for it. +[3855.420 --> 3857.940] So I want you to list different tasks on your A work. +[3857.940 --> 3858.940] OK. +[3858.940 --> 3860.700] I also want you to list some social energy tasks. +[3860.700 --> 3862.180] So where do you thrive? +[3862.180 --> 3864.180] Like what is your favorite way to socialize? +[3864.180 --> 3868.300] Who are your A people that you just like feel like yourself, your authentic? +[3868.300 --> 3869.300] They give you energy. +[3869.300 --> 3870.920] You look forward to it. +[3870.920 --> 3873.140] So I want you to put some of those things on there. +[3873.140 --> 3875.300] Tests on top, energy on the bottom, social energy on the bottom. +[3875.300 --> 3876.300] B. +[3876.300 --> 3877.300] Yes. +[3877.300 --> 3880.140] B is where my smart people get tripped up. +[3880.140 --> 3881.140] What's B? +[3881.140 --> 3883.380] B is the work you're pretty good at. +[3883.380 --> 3884.980] But you're not the best at it. +[3884.980 --> 3887.700] They're not tasks that you hit flow. +[3887.700 --> 3890.100] They're tasks that you can get through pretty easily. +[3890.100 --> 3895.580] They're not tasks you're known for, but they're not tasks that you're bad at. +[3895.580 --> 3896.580] This is the hardest column. +[3896.580 --> 3898.580] But most of the hardest. +[3898.580 --> 3902.180] It's because we have to distinguish between tasks that we're exceptionally good at, +[3902.180 --> 3904.380] that we hit flow at, and tasks that we're pretty good at. +[3904.380 --> 3910.020] And smart people have a lot of things on their B list, but not always a lot of things on +[3910.020 --> 3911.020] their A list. +[3911.020 --> 3914.380] Smart people can get away with doing B things for a long time. +[3914.380 --> 3916.980] Same thing with your social energy. +[3916.980 --> 3920.020] So what are some socializing things that you like? +[3920.020 --> 3921.020] You don't love it. +[3921.020 --> 3922.020] You like it. +[3922.020 --> 3923.020] It's okay. +[3923.020 --> 3925.900] You don't feel drained from it, but you know, like you can do it. +[3925.900 --> 3926.900] Same with people. +[3926.900 --> 3929.940] You enjoy spending time with them, but you would have to give a little bit of social +[3929.940 --> 3931.300] energy to spend time with them. +[3931.300 --> 3934.820] So your B people, some time doing that, C work. +[3934.820 --> 3935.820] C, okay. +[3935.820 --> 3938.340] C work is work you are average at. +[3938.340 --> 3939.340] You're not known for it. +[3939.340 --> 3941.020] You're a little clunky with it. +[3941.020 --> 3942.020] Yep. +[3942.020 --> 3945.020] C work is marked by, you're a little embarrassed. +[3945.020 --> 3946.020] Oh. +[3946.020 --> 3947.780] A little bit of embarrassed by it. +[3947.780 --> 3948.780] Okay. +[3948.780 --> 3949.780] Right. +[3949.780 --> 3951.820] You're like, oh, I'm not so great at that. +[3951.820 --> 3953.660] I wouldn't want people to see it really well. +[3953.660 --> 3956.420] So that's your C work is your average. +[3956.420 --> 3958.100] D work should be the obvious one. +[3958.100 --> 3959.740] D work is work you are bad at. +[3959.740 --> 3960.740] Got it. +[3960.780 --> 3963.860] You are worse than most people at this task. +[3963.860 --> 3965.020] You should not be doing it. +[3965.020 --> 3966.460] You are slower than most people. +[3966.460 --> 3968.300] You make more mistakes in this work. +[3968.300 --> 3971.980] Your D people are also the people who take away your energy. +[3971.980 --> 3972.980] They drain you. +[3972.980 --> 3977.420] They're the people who push your boundaries, who challenge you in a bad way. +[3977.420 --> 3978.940] They're people who you dread seeing. +[3978.940 --> 3980.180] Hopefully that's not a long list. +[3980.180 --> 3984.820] So where do you feel like I am surviving, not thriving? +[3984.820 --> 3987.540] Where do you feel like you just are not your best self? +[3987.540 --> 3988.540] That's D. +[3988.540 --> 3989.540] Okay. +[3989.540 --> 3991.540] This is so important. +[3991.540 --> 3999.340] Your day, your entire day, should be about optimizing your A work and giving away your B, +[3999.340 --> 4002.220] C, and D work. +[4002.220 --> 4006.260] Your entire day should also be, I know. +[4006.260 --> 4007.740] It's a little uncomfortable. +[4007.740 --> 4012.540] Your entire day should be about figuring out the people you work with. +[4012.540 --> 4016.500] What is there, A work and gifting their A work away? +[4016.500 --> 4020.580] A mistake that you will make on teams or partnering up is they partner with people who have the +[4020.580 --> 4022.620] same strengths as them. +[4022.620 --> 4024.060] You want to partner with people. +[4024.060 --> 4025.060] You want to hire people. +[4025.060 --> 4029.100] You want to learn from people who have different work than you. +[4029.100 --> 4032.580] Where their B and C work could maybe turn into your A work. +[4032.580 --> 4035.900] So your day should be about optimizing your A work. +[4035.900 --> 4037.740] Learning to see could I level up my B work? +[4037.740 --> 4042.820] Could I learn something or use a tool to turn a B work into my A work? +[4042.820 --> 4049.020] How can I give away most of my C and D work? +[4049.020 --> 4051.060] This is really cool. +[4051.060 --> 4056.300] I am looking at my lesson as you're doing this and you're listening along. +[4056.300 --> 4060.500] I'm just going to try to recap so that I want to make sure that you get this. +[4060.500 --> 4061.500] Yes. +[4061.500 --> 4063.740] If you're willing to give examples, I think it would be very interesting to hear them. +[4063.740 --> 4064.740] Okay. +[4064.740 --> 4066.540] I'm happy to get mine too if that's helpful. +[4066.540 --> 4067.540] Yeah. +[4067.540 --> 4068.540] I think we should. +[4068.540 --> 4069.540] Yeah. +[4069.540 --> 4070.540] So do you want to start with A? +[4070.540 --> 4071.540] Okay. +[4071.540 --> 4073.780] I think it's fantastic at giving ideas. +[4073.780 --> 4074.780] Ideas. +[4074.780 --> 4075.780] Yes. +[4075.780 --> 4080.020] Like if you want somebody to open a can of worms and like to start flying ideas and getting +[4080.020 --> 4082.820] everybody off track, call Mel Robbins. +[4082.820 --> 4088.260] I can literally ideate better than anybody on the planet. +[4088.260 --> 4089.260] You think that you're stuck? +[4089.260 --> 4090.260] No, you're not. +[4090.260 --> 4091.260] You think there's no way around it? +[4091.260 --> 4092.260] Yes, there is. +[4092.260 --> 4093.740] You think that there's an obstacle. +[4093.740 --> 4094.740] I see an opportunity. +[4094.740 --> 4095.740] And I would call that motivational. +[4095.740 --> 4097.340] So that I nation and motivation. +[4097.340 --> 4098.340] Oh my God. +[4098.340 --> 4099.820] And it's also like in content. +[4099.820 --> 4100.820] What about this? +[4100.820 --> 4101.500] What about that? +[4101.540 --> 4102.500] What if we did this? +[4102.500 --> 4103.500] Oh, this would be great. +[4103.500 --> 4107.940] Like I'll come out of this episode and I will have 17 different topics for us to then +[4107.940 --> 4108.940] go do something on. +[4108.940 --> 4109.940] Okay. +[4109.940 --> 4110.940] So here's what's critical. +[4110.940 --> 4112.260] Busy people like you. +[4112.260 --> 4114.620] You often give that away. +[4114.620 --> 4119.500] So as you get busy and you're doing back to back interviews, don't give away the +[4119.500 --> 4123.140] ideation, ideation time after your interview. +[4123.140 --> 4129.500] Don't give away content ideation to someone else in your team because that's your A work. +[4129.500 --> 4133.900] And so that could happen as we level up or we become managers is we end up accidentally +[4133.900 --> 4136.300] giving away our best work. +[4136.300 --> 4139.300] So make sure there's someone on your team that you are ideating with. +[4139.300 --> 4140.300] It's great. +[4140.300 --> 4141.300] You're not giving it away. +[4141.300 --> 4143.180] Tracy Meritz sitting over there. +[4143.180 --> 4144.580] Second, business development. +[4144.580 --> 4151.620] I have 100% close rate in meetings, especially around speaking, 100% close rate. +[4151.620 --> 4155.140] If I have an in person meeting or zoom meeting, the deal is done. +[4155.140 --> 4156.140] Period. +[4156.140 --> 4157.140] Okay. +[4157.140 --> 4160.860] So what happens when you get busy and successful is you have an agent or manager, right? +[4160.860 --> 4162.100] You're not always in the room. +[4162.100 --> 4163.100] Correct. +[4163.100 --> 4167.900] And so that means that you have to hire someone whose A work is that and they know that if +[4167.900 --> 4170.060] it's a particularly hard close, they can bring you in. +[4170.060 --> 4171.060] Yep. +[4171.060 --> 4172.060] Right. +[4172.060 --> 4173.060] You cannot give that away. +[4173.060 --> 4174.060] Creative direction. +[4174.060 --> 4176.020] I just don't have any time for it. +[4176.020 --> 4185.180] So I was a film major in college and just spent my entire college career in an editing +[4185.180 --> 4188.100] room and I love that. +[4188.100 --> 4189.420] I have zero time for it. +[4189.420 --> 4191.540] Is there a way you could do it one morning a month? +[4191.540 --> 4192.540] Probably. +[4192.540 --> 4196.020] I think that's the question is, do you have enough other A work where it's okay or do you +[4196.020 --> 4199.540] want to say I'm going to carve out one block to charge me? +[4199.540 --> 4200.540] Probably. +[4200.540 --> 4201.540] Yeah. +[4201.540 --> 4202.540] Well, we're giving credit. +[4202.540 --> 4203.540] I mean, I do it all the time. +[4203.540 --> 4204.940] I just feel like it's, it's, and then recording. +[4204.940 --> 4209.620] I mean, obviously the skills in terms of being able to just turn on a camera and go and +[4209.620 --> 4210.620] coaching. +[4210.620 --> 4211.620] Yes. +[4211.620 --> 4212.620] On the fly. +[4212.620 --> 4213.620] Yes. +[4213.620 --> 4218.740] And then in terms of social, like my top thing is dinner at home. +[4218.740 --> 4219.820] Oh, I love it. +[4219.820 --> 4220.820] I love it. +[4220.820 --> 4221.820] I love it. +[4221.820 --> 4224.820] To have dinner at home. +[4224.820 --> 4229.060] And so you know, like, no, if so if you're listening to this and you're hearing Mel talk +[4229.060 --> 4235.060] about this, a recipe for burnout would be, if next month you see a week where you happen +[4235.060 --> 4239.980] to have a bunch of dinners out, yes, you would probably at the very end of that week go, +[4239.980 --> 4242.300] gosh, I'm so wiped. +[4242.300 --> 4243.300] I'm so drained. +[4243.300 --> 4244.300] I don't like my life. +[4244.300 --> 4247.620] I don't, you begin to question bigger things when actually it was that you did a little +[4247.620 --> 4251.180] bit too much of that C or D work that week. +[4251.180 --> 4252.180] That's okay. +[4252.180 --> 4255.420] We can know that if you have a busy travel week, but it's critically important to know +[4255.420 --> 4260.140] your patterns, to know that if you were to miss dinner at home a couple of nights in a +[4260.140 --> 4263.100] row, it would probably trigger your burnout, but you wouldn't know why. +[4263.100 --> 4264.380] Oh, for sure. +[4264.380 --> 4265.380] For sure. +[4265.380 --> 4266.380] So. +[4266.380 --> 4269.020] And then in terms of B, I literally put everything else. +[4270.020 --> 4271.260] That is. +[4271.260 --> 4275.860] And then I've got a couple things on C and D, which is I'm horrendous at organizing. +[4275.860 --> 4276.860] Okay. +[4276.860 --> 4278.860] I'm horrendous at being on time. +[4278.860 --> 4281.460] I do not know how to make an Excel sheet. +[4281.460 --> 4285.500] My business partner's job, Christine, is protect the team for Mel. +[4285.500 --> 4292.860] I protect not because I'm a jerk, but I, I destroy structure. +[4292.860 --> 4293.860] Love it. +[4293.860 --> 4294.860] Love it. +[4294.860 --> 4295.860] Okay. +[4295.860 --> 4298.300] So the recipe for anti burnout for Mel is. +[4298.940 --> 4303.180] Looking at your task list for your week, for your day, for your month, everything that +[4303.180 --> 4306.420] is not in that a column should not be on your list. +[4306.420 --> 4311.740] Christine, I hear that you need me to create an Excel spreadsheet for you. +[4311.740 --> 4312.740] Yeah. +[4312.740 --> 4314.220] I am a spreadsheet disaster. +[4314.220 --> 4315.220] Yes. +[4315.220 --> 4317.220] I'm a spreadsheet disaster. +[4317.220 --> 4320.140] You want to see road kill on a page? +[4320.140 --> 4322.100] Ask me to put something in Excel. +[4322.100 --> 4323.100] Yes. +[4323.100 --> 4324.100] You know what I'm going to do? +[4324.100 --> 4328.140] I'm going to hand it over to Sawyer on our team or Emily on our team or Darryl +[4328.140 --> 4329.140] on our team. +[4329.140 --> 4331.140] I love the good spreadsheet and a presentation. +[4331.140 --> 4335.140] And in the meanwhile, I'm going to make us a lot of likes and views in my interview later +[4335.140 --> 4336.140] today. +[4336.140 --> 4337.140] I love that. +[4337.140 --> 4338.140] I love that. +[4338.140 --> 4339.140] Exactly. +[4339.140 --> 4340.140] That is masterful. +[4340.140 --> 4341.140] And here's the thing. +[4341.140 --> 4348.260] So if your entire focus is more A work, less BC and D work, every day, every month in +[4348.260 --> 4353.700] your general task, when you say yes to projects, when you're looking at a project, people tend +[4353.700 --> 4355.020] to think about the end goal. +[4355.020 --> 4357.940] For example, so many people tell me, Vanessa, I want to write books. +[4357.940 --> 4363.140] I say, really, do you love being alone in a computer all day? +[4363.140 --> 4364.140] Do you love that? +[4364.140 --> 4365.620] Oh, you want to write a book? +[4365.620 --> 4370.580] Do you want to spend three months writing and then years marketing it? +[4370.580 --> 4372.060] Is that, do you like that? +[4372.060 --> 4376.380] And I always say that because I'm like, let's get real on what you like. +[4376.380 --> 4379.380] If you want to write a book, does your ego want to write the book? +[4379.380 --> 4381.500] Do you want to be able to say you're an author? +[4381.500 --> 4384.140] Do you want to be able to share your words with people? +[4384.220 --> 4386.020] Or do you love writing? +[4386.020 --> 4387.740] Because those are two different things. +[4387.740 --> 4393.060] So for every project, you should do all the tasks and then how much of those tasks are +[4393.060 --> 4395.140] A, B, C or D work. +[4395.140 --> 4397.180] Sometimes you have to do D work. +[4397.180 --> 4399.180] Sometimes you have to do C work. +[4399.180 --> 4400.180] Know it. +[4400.180 --> 4402.180] Assertively own it. +[4402.180 --> 4405.660] There is D work on my team where it's all of our D work. +[4405.660 --> 4406.660] And you know what I do? +[4406.660 --> 4408.180] We have a D work day. +[4408.180 --> 4411.100] Say, okay, everyone, we're ordering our favorite lunch. +[4411.100 --> 4412.540] We're pumping some music. +[4412.540 --> 4413.700] It's a D work day. +[4413.740 --> 4414.700] We hate it. +[4414.700 --> 4415.700] Sleep in. +[4415.700 --> 4416.700] We're coming in at 10 a.m. +[4416.700 --> 4417.700] And then we're going to grind it out. +[4417.700 --> 4419.780] We're going to do our D work together. +[4419.780 --> 4426.180] When D work is acknowledged for yourself as well as your team, it helps us feel like, okay, +[4426.180 --> 4427.180] we're in it together. +[4427.180 --> 4428.180] I know what my D work is. +[4428.180 --> 4430.500] There's some D work I still have to do and I don't like it. +[4430.500 --> 4431.500] But I know what it is. +[4431.500 --> 4432.500] I build in buffers. +[4432.500 --> 4434.340] I have battery recharge. +[4434.340 --> 4436.460] So it's about energy management. +[4436.460 --> 4440.940] You know what I also immediately saw as it's like getting everybody out guys. +[4440.940 --> 4442.620] Let's all clean up after dinner together. +[4442.620 --> 4444.060] Say, nobody wants to do it. +[4444.060 --> 4445.220] Let's do it together. +[4445.220 --> 4446.220] But we love eating dinner. +[4446.220 --> 4447.220] Yes. +[4447.220 --> 4448.220] So we got to clean it up. +[4448.220 --> 4449.220] Yes. +[4449.220 --> 4450.620] And let's turn on music and make it as fast and fun as we can. +[4450.620 --> 4454.620] So what do highly influential people do at night? +[4454.620 --> 4455.620] Mmm. +[4455.620 --> 4458.300] Ooh, at night. +[4458.300 --> 4462.620] I think having a pause moment at the end of the day, now I haven't actually studied this. +[4462.620 --> 4466.300] But I think that highly effective people give themselves a lot of time to think. +[4466.300 --> 4472.180] Like when I study historical, highly effective people, you'll see that in their daily patterns, +[4472.180 --> 4474.460] they have a lot of space. +[4474.460 --> 4475.780] They're not busy. +[4475.780 --> 4476.780] They're not burnt out. +[4476.780 --> 4479.740] They're not working until the moment they shut their eyes. +[4479.740 --> 4483.420] And so I think the end of the day is a time to look back and be like, oh, good job. +[4483.420 --> 4488.260] I did a lot of A work or, I did a lot of A work today and I am tired. +[4488.260 --> 4490.820] Or I did not have a good lunch with her. +[4490.820 --> 4495.220] I think that pausing is the most important thing we can do at the end of the day. +[4495.220 --> 4498.620] How do highly effective people seclusion? +[4498.620 --> 4499.620] Mmm. +[4499.620 --> 4504.380] How would you recommend if you want to be really effective and level up your success that +[4504.380 --> 4509.620] you go about even thinking about your goals for the day or the week or the year or the +[4509.620 --> 4510.620] decade? +[4510.620 --> 4515.100] A, B, C, D work to break a goal into tasks and timeline is very important. +[4515.100 --> 4520.860] I also think that when you're thinking about your goals, are you going to enjoy the process, +[4520.860 --> 4523.660] the means as well as the end? +[4523.660 --> 4526.380] I see so many folks who are highly ambitious. +[4526.380 --> 4529.260] They set these big goals at the end. +[4529.260 --> 4530.340] They'll be happy. +[4530.340 --> 4535.060] And this is those if then statements, which I think are a killer for burnout and a killer +[4535.060 --> 4541.380] for happiness, which is if I am a best selling author, then I will be happy. +[4541.380 --> 4545.540] If I lose 20 pounds, then I will be happy. +[4545.540 --> 4550.340] If I become a mother, then I will be happy. +[4550.340 --> 4555.660] That is a goal that's setting you up for burnout because you are saying to myself, you +[4555.660 --> 4559.580] cannot be happy until you achieve that goal. +[4559.580 --> 4561.980] And so I think we're talking about highly effective people. +[4561.980 --> 4565.900] They enjoy the process of getting that goal as much as the goal. +[4565.900 --> 4573.700] So that could be I want to find workouts I love every day and find workout partners who +[4573.700 --> 4575.740] make me laugh. +[4575.740 --> 4577.500] So I can lose 20 pounds. +[4577.500 --> 4578.500] Yeah. +[4578.500 --> 4582.660] You just sparked something as I was listening to you because I was thinking, wow, that's +[4582.660 --> 4586.820] a great way to think about it, that I am going to lose 20 pounds. +[4586.820 --> 4588.900] I'm going to lose 20 pounds. +[4588.900 --> 4593.300] And I'm going to figure out how to have fun and enjoy it as much as I can while I do +[4593.300 --> 4594.300] it. +[4594.300 --> 4595.300] Yes. +[4595.300 --> 4597.380] Because then if you achieve the goal, fantastic. +[4597.380 --> 4600.940] But your goal is actually happy in the moment of actually doing it. +[4600.940 --> 4604.860] So I would say when you're setting goals, what can you do to enjoy the means of that goal? +[4604.860 --> 4607.100] So you're not delaying your happiness? +[4607.100 --> 4612.580] How important is it for a high achiever to have something big that they're working on? +[4613.420 --> 4615.180] I think essential. +[4615.180 --> 4616.500] I think essential. +[4616.500 --> 4620.020] I think that everyone should have a quest. +[4620.020 --> 4621.180] I think everyone should have a quest. +[4621.180 --> 4622.500] And that's a very big statement. +[4622.500 --> 4627.220] But all the happiest people I know, the most successful people I know, how every you define +[4627.220 --> 4630.700] success, whether that's their riches, whether the most famous on social media, how every +[4630.700 --> 4633.940] divide, they all have some big quest. +[4633.940 --> 4636.900] And that could be traveling to every country in the world. +[4636.900 --> 4640.620] That could be raising three children who find their passions. +[4640.620 --> 4642.580] That could be learning to cook. +[4642.580 --> 4644.860] And they have micro quests and big quests. +[4644.860 --> 4648.660] And so I think if you don't have some kind of quest that you're working on right now, +[4648.660 --> 4650.620] it's hard to find meaning. +[4650.620 --> 4655.700] I think meaning is incredibly important for giving you purpose behind your days and your +[4655.700 --> 4656.700] actions. +[4656.700 --> 4658.420] Amazing. +[4658.420 --> 4664.420] So what is your final word to the person that has been listening and hanging on to your +[4664.420 --> 4668.260] every word? +[4668.260 --> 4676.620] What I haven't said is if you're burnt out, if you're stuck, if you're feeling like +[4676.620 --> 4681.420] you're underestimated or overlooked, not getting what you want, it doesn't mean you're +[4681.420 --> 4683.380] not trying hard enough. +[4683.380 --> 4687.140] It actually probably means you're trying really, really hard. +[4687.140 --> 4692.860] And it's okay to try a little bit less hard and just do it in different ways. +[4692.860 --> 4694.700] And so one, you're doing enough. +[4694.700 --> 4695.900] You're trying very hard. +[4695.900 --> 4697.740] You are good enough. +[4697.740 --> 4702.780] What I would say to think about is, are there some things that you can say no to that +[4702.780 --> 4706.460] is a gift to someone else that is there a work? +[4706.460 --> 4711.500] And can you take back some things that would gift you energy so that you can work in a +[4711.500 --> 4717.460] way that sets you up for success and sets others up for success without having to work +[4717.460 --> 4721.380] yourself until you can no longer think that you are working enough. +[4721.380 --> 4722.860] You are good enough. +[4722.860 --> 4725.020] You just have to try something a little different. +[4725.020 --> 4726.020] I love that. +[4726.020 --> 4732.020] And I also love the piece about figuring out who in your life you're giving time to that +[4732.020 --> 4733.540] you're in battle at about. +[4733.540 --> 4735.380] And take that time back for yourself. +[4735.380 --> 4736.700] Take it back. +[4736.700 --> 4740.060] Vanessa Van Edwards, Holy smokes. +[4740.060 --> 4741.380] I really like you. +[4741.380 --> 4742.380] I like you. +[4742.380 --> 4743.380] I like you. +[4743.380 --> 4745.380] I like you. +[4745.380 --> 4747.700] And I like you too. +[4747.700 --> 4752.340] And in case no one else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I more than like +[4752.340 --> 4753.340] you. +[4753.340 --> 4754.340] I love you. +[4754.420 --> 4763.540] And I believe in your ability to take absolutely everything you just learn and take up space +[4763.540 --> 4769.960] and use these strategies to level up how you're showing up, how you're speaking, how you're +[4769.960 --> 4775.660] supporting yourself and go create an incredible life. +[4775.660 --> 4777.300] I'll see you in a few days. +[4777.300 --> 4781.260] And for you, thank you, thank you, thank you for being here with me on YouTube. +[4781.260 --> 4784.540] I not only like you, I love you. +[4784.540 --> 4785.540] And I believe in you. +[4785.540 --> 4787.420] And I believe in your ability to create a better life. +[4787.420 --> 4792.580] And I know that what you learn from Vanessa today is going to help you do that. +[4792.580 --> 4795.780] And I also know that you're like, oh, this was so good. +[4795.780 --> 4798.020] What did you talk about the first time she was here? +[4798.020 --> 4803.100] Well, she's got all kinds of tips about confidence and charisma and the research too. +[4803.100 --> 4807.260] So I want you to check out her last appearance on the Mel Robbins podcast because you're going +[4807.260 --> 4808.260] to love it. +[4808.260 --> 4810.580] Oh, and by the way, because I like you. +[4810.580 --> 4811.580] Will you like me? +[4811.580 --> 4813.580] And please subscribe to this channel real quick. +[4813.580 --> 4814.580] That's right. +[4814.580 --> 4815.580] Thank you so much for doing that. +[4815.580 --> 4816.580] I appreciate it so much. +[4816.580 --> 4817.180] Here you go. diff --git a/transcript/podcast_AlVruShkb3s.txt b/transcript/podcast_AlVruShkb3s.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..3bb69e5664ef3c80c2f0f8170d16f64320cc14fc --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_AlVruShkb3s.txt @@ -0,0 +1,241 @@ +[0.000 --> 9.880] Your facial expressions, gestures, poster and tone of voice are powerful communication tools. +[9.880 --> 15.040] They can pull people at ease, build trust and grow others towards you. +[15.040 --> 20.280] Or they can offend, confuse and undermine what you're trying to convey. +[20.280 --> 23.520] Almost everybody feels good when someone is kind to them. +[23.520 --> 29.400] It's especially true for those who are vulnerable, like people who are recovering from a mental +[29.400 --> 31.400] illness, like depression. +[31.400 --> 37.400] Or who are learning to live with dementia, a sick patient or who have an addiction. +[39.400 --> 44.800] Hey everyone, it's Stephanie Gata, together with Ms. Nareline Bantilan and you're listening +[44.800 --> 47.000] to an act of compassion. +[47.000 --> 49.000] The place to create a life you love. +[53.000 --> 58.000] While while what a beautiful day to start our new episode, right partner? +[58.000 --> 64.000] That's right partner and I am so excited for today's episode as we are having not just +[64.000 --> 66.800] one or two but five guests. +[66.800 --> 67.800] And guess what? +[67.800 --> 72.800] We will be having a doctor, a nurse and a patient as our guest. +[72.800 --> 78.800] Wow, yes partner and I have heard that we are going to share their testimony about their +[78.800 --> 84.800] experiences and I am so excited to know what are those experiences and listen about it. +[85.800 --> 93.600] Yes partner, you got it right because for today's episode our title is an act of compassion. +[93.600 --> 100.100] This means that we are learning from our guests testimony on how our facial expressions, gestures, +[100.100 --> 104.600] or body language become a powerful communication tools. +[104.600 --> 109.600] That's right partner, so now let me introduce to our all-adreants our beloved guests. +[109.600 --> 115.900] First we will be having Mrs. Federico, a senior citizen and a resident of Macaulete City +[115.900 --> 120.600] and she is here to share a bit of her experience during her confinement in the hospital. +[121.600 --> 125.900] Hi everyone, I am Angel and I was confined last week in hospital. +[125.900 --> 128.900] I am a senior citizen without diabetes. +[128.900 --> 135.400] This means I urinate a lot, a fan at night, and frequently hungry and thirsty. +[135.500 --> 139.700] I easily feel tired and I have sourced that don't heal fast enough. +[139.700 --> 148.200] Also, as a part of my illness, I feel dizzy, sweaty and shaky when my blood sugar goes the opposite direction. +[148.200 --> 152.700] The nurse who has been taking care of me is somehow irritable. +[152.700 --> 158.500] One time, I caught her rolling her eyes when she saw me drinking a bottle of coke. +[158.500 --> 164.300] I feel like she is judging me as if life is not difficult enough. +[164.900 --> 167.800] Living with diabetes makes it worse. +[167.800 --> 172.000] The ups and downs of managing this illness is frustrating. +[172.000 --> 176.800] If my blood sugar is not too high, it's too low. +[176.800 --> 182.100] I admit, I do not listen to her every time she educates me about my illness. +[182.100 --> 186.300] So I guess, I understand why she is frustrated with me. +[186.300 --> 188.400] But she's a great nurse. +[188.400 --> 191.700] She takes time to talk to me and my husband. +[191.800 --> 196.700] I am very stressed out to my physical condition and my financial situation. +[196.700 --> 200.200] But she gave me assurance that it will be okay. +[200.200 --> 205.900] That if I exercise every day and stay away from food which increases my blood sugar, +[205.900 --> 212.400] such as rice, pasta and soft drinks, I could control my blood sugar. +[212.400 --> 217.800] She said, I won't have to suffer as much as I do now. +[217.900 --> 223.800] Before I get discharged, we made a small talk about my medicines. +[223.800 --> 229.000] The lifestyle changes that I could make and about my condition in general. +[229.000 --> 232.500] I gave her a hug as a sign of saying thank you. +[232.500 --> 237.000] Wow, this patient's testimony made me remember about my grandmother. +[237.000 --> 240.800] You know what partner my grandmother is not as well. +[240.800 --> 243.600] How about you partner, what can you say? +[243.600 --> 247.300] Just like you partner, I remember my grandmother too +[247.300 --> 250.500] when I am the one in charge of taking care of her. +[250.500 --> 253.500] I believe partner that there's more. +[253.500 --> 255.100] Oh yes, yes, yes partner. +[255.100 --> 259.300] So Nala, that's welcome our second speaker to share with us her testimony. +[259.300 --> 263.500] This is Alasolitas, a postpartum mother. +[263.500 --> 265.000] Hello everyone. +[265.000 --> 268.300] My name is Alasolitas, three years of age. +[268.300 --> 273.400] And I'd like to share my experiences with you as a postpartum mother. +[273.500 --> 278.500] So being a postpartum mother was a roller coaster right for me. +[278.500 --> 282.100] Because you know when you give birth, it's not just all fun. +[282.100 --> 287.600] At first I have actually heard a lot about the experiences that the mothers have went through +[287.600 --> 289.100] after they gave birth. +[289.100 --> 294.900] So I'm experienced loneliness which often lead them to what we call postpartum depression. +[294.900 --> 299.000] And as for me, I did not believe that there's such a thing +[299.100 --> 304.600] until I gave birth and sadness started creeping into me. +[304.600 --> 310.300] I have found out that there are hormonal changes that happens after giving birth +[310.300 --> 314.400] which leads to what we call baby blues. +[314.400 --> 317.600] So let me just share a little bit about this. +[317.600 --> 323.500] So baby blues are feelings of sadness that a mother may have in the first few days +[323.500 --> 325.800] after having a baby. +[325.900 --> 333.900] And as far as I can remember, in my case, two days after giving birth, +[333.900 --> 336.900] I started to have mood swings. +[336.900 --> 341.200] I feel angry, sad, and I cry a lot. +[341.200 --> 349.200] There were also a lot of times where I had trouble sleeping, eating, and even making decisions. +[349.300 --> 356.800] It was an overwhelming feeling of not being able to do a good job of taking care of my baby. +[356.800 --> 363.100] It was strenuous, mentally, physically, and emotionally. +[363.100 --> 370.800] Good thing that I was able to talk to my doctor about it and she shared her experiences to me +[370.800 --> 373.600] and gave me some advice. +[373.600 --> 378.200] She was very compassionate and I loved talking to her. +[378.300 --> 385.400] She told me to get as much sleep and rest as I can, eat a lot of healthy foods, and exercise if I can. +[385.400 --> 387.900] And if I have time. +[387.900 --> 395.900] She also told me to ask help from my partner, family, and friends to tell them exactly what I feel +[395.900 --> 401.900] so that they'll be able to be with me with whatever I'm feeling, which is what I did. +[402.000 --> 408.000] And thankfully, with all the help that I've received from the people around me, +[408.000 --> 413.800] I was able to go through that phase as a post-partum mother. +[413.800 --> 425.200] So with this experience, I have realized how important it is to have a strong and secured support system around you. +[425.200 --> 431.200] Because if it weren't for those people, I might have gone to a post-partum depression. +[431.300 --> 440.000] Also, showing compassion, even in the tiniest way possible, to the people who needs it is also a huge part +[440.000 --> 444.000] because it will make them feel special and loved. +[444.000 --> 446.800] Thank you for the one, Mamsulites. +[446.800 --> 450.800] India being a mother is not that easy. +[450.800 --> 452.800] Yes, partner, that's true. +[452.800 --> 461.000] It is a great responsibility for being a mother and I saw a few Mamsulites for being brave in facing such challenges in life. +[462.000 --> 466.000] So now we are going to proceed to our next guest speaker. +[466.000 --> 470.400] And this time, we are going to hear a testimony from a nurse. +[470.400 --> 475.600] Let's welcome Nurse Janille Poy to guest Ashitaal, her experience to us. +[476.600 --> 483.600] My name is Janelle Claire Portuguese, 21 years old, and working as a nurse at Riverside Medical Center. +[483.600 --> 489.600] In my profession, I have met several types of patients with different types of illnesses. +[490.000 --> 497.200] But the case that I consider way challenging for me is this 89-year-old lady who was an Asaimers disease. +[497.200 --> 502.400] I met her one morning when I was doing my rounds and I heard her shouting to her companion. +[502.400 --> 506.000] I came inside the room and took over the old lady. +[506.000 --> 509.200] She said that she is hungry and nobody gives her food. +[509.200 --> 512.400] But her water cold made that she has just eaten. +[512.400 --> 517.400] I came near her and smiled at her and said, what do you want to eat? +[517.400 --> 520.200] And she smiled. She asked for a candy. +[520.200 --> 524.200] I continued to talk to her until she forgot about the candy. +[524.200 --> 528.600] She continued talking about her family and I listened carefully. +[528.600 --> 534.200] Understanding and great patient is very important when dealing with people having Asaimers disease. +[534.200 --> 538.200] And this should be done always because these people need love and care. +[539.400 --> 541.800] That one is a very touching story. +[541.800 --> 543.000] And you know what? +[543.400 --> 548.200] Especially when you are a nurse, you truly need to have a very long patience. +[548.200 --> 550.200] Am I right partner? +[552.600 --> 554.600] Yes partner, that's right. +[554.600 --> 558.600] But I think that is the one that I don't possess. +[558.600 --> 560.200] Choking. +[560.200 --> 563.400] Okay, let's proceed to our next guest speaker. +[563.400 --> 567.400] Let us again hear another testimony from a nurse. +[567.400 --> 569.400] Let's welcome Nurse Cassie Merrill. +[569.800 --> 572.600] Good day everyone. +[572.600 --> 575.000] I'm a nurse. My name is Cassie Merrill. +[575.000 --> 580.200] I'm 26 years old and I'm in charge of Asaimers patients. +[580.200 --> 583.400] It's not easy being the attending nurse for them. +[583.400 --> 586.600] We quickly forgot what had just occurred a minute ago. +[586.600 --> 589.000] But somehow it is still fulfilling. +[589.000 --> 590.200] You know what? Why? +[590.200 --> 593.000] Because I was able to respond to their needs. +[593.000 --> 598.200] And check on how they were doing because I was able to assess them. +[598.600 --> 603.400] Let me tell you about an event I had with one of my patients last week +[603.400 --> 607.400] when I asked him whether he had already taken his meds. +[607.400 --> 613.400] He just stared at me stroking his brain and locked her legs by what I asked. +[613.400 --> 618.600] He seems as if he's wondering whether or not he's already finished it. +[618.600 --> 621.800] He has Alzheimer's, I completely understand. +[621.800 --> 625.000] Let's make you to double check his background. +[625.400 --> 630.600] However, he suddenly recalls that he had already taken his medication. +[630.600 --> 637.400] After that, I had just made a small talk with him and give him a thumbs up sign +[637.400 --> 640.600] indicating that everything would be fine. +[641.800 --> 644.600] But today's round is very stressful. +[644.600 --> 648.600] A while ago I was doing my rounds to my patient. +[648.600 --> 652.600] And upon entering the room, she was already hysterical. +[652.600 --> 658.200] She had a visitor which was her daughter but she didn't seem to recognize her. +[658.920 --> 665.400] She was also very aggressive, pointing a finger at her daughter and screaming for her deliver room. +[665.960 --> 671.000] As a nurse, I did my job and did my best to calm the patient. +[671.000 --> 674.600] Fortunately, she recognized me as her nurse. +[674.600 --> 677.400] And her aggressiveness, we did. +[677.400 --> 679.640] And she returned to her previous state. +[680.200 --> 685.720] So after that, I explained to her daughter why her mother responded that we should do. +[687.240 --> 692.680] By making a simple gesture with her hand, similar to the speaking in front of people, +[693.240 --> 696.680] by elevating her hand just over her tummy level. +[696.680 --> 700.920] So thankfully, her daughter is aware of the situation of her mother. +[700.920 --> 705.080] So having that experience has taught me to be more patient. +[706.760 --> 709.160] Thank you for that one, Mom Cassie. +[709.240 --> 711.640] I truly admire our nurses. +[711.640 --> 717.000] Even though they struggle a lot, they still able to manage the different situation. +[718.760 --> 721.800] Yes partner, their efforts are indeed priceless. +[721.800 --> 726.120] By coming down to our last guest speaker, we didn't just have nurses, +[726.120 --> 729.240] but a doctor also, amazing isn't it? +[729.240 --> 730.840] So let's at least waste our time. +[730.840 --> 734.200] Please welcome Dr. Dave Miyado to share his testimony. +[734.440 --> 737.720] So good day, everyone. +[737.720 --> 741.800] I am Dave Miyado and a doctor of Saint Louis Hospital. +[742.680 --> 745.960] Dealing with patients with different cases is quite really hard, +[745.960 --> 747.800] especially when anticipating their needs. +[748.440 --> 752.200] So an example of such a situation is circumcision. +[753.000 --> 754.680] Before the start of the procedure, +[755.800 --> 758.760] your things that you always notice when talking with a patient. +[759.640 --> 763.320] Mostly, you try to observe their body language. +[763.320 --> 764.760] So how do they feel? +[764.760 --> 765.720] What is their gesture? +[766.360 --> 769.320] Sometimes they can either be scared or shy, +[769.880 --> 773.320] and the reasoning for it could be many things like a peer pressure, +[773.880 --> 775.560] culture and religion. +[776.680 --> 782.040] These things are very common to find out before or at the start of any surgical procedure. +[782.840 --> 786.200] These fears can be summarized based on what their gesture is. +[786.840 --> 791.480] The things that I always see is the patient fidgeting due to how unsure he is. +[792.040 --> 795.400] Sometimes they could be very shy due to the procedure leading +[795.960 --> 797.960] to exposing their private area of the patient. +[798.600 --> 805.560] So what I always do in this type of situations is to build assurance and to build confidence in the patient. +[806.840 --> 809.720] I tell him that the procedure is not that painful, +[810.680 --> 813.160] that I have done this procedure so many times already. +[813.800 --> 819.560] Another does not show fear or hesitancy to the patient and be confident about the procedure. +[820.200 --> 823.480] So another example is the disclosure of the illness of the patient. +[824.120 --> 826.520] So the patient usually shows fear. +[826.520 --> 831.320] The anticipation of getting a pleasant result and a feeling of helplessness. +[831.320 --> 834.760] So an example would be disclosure of concern to the patient. +[835.560 --> 839.880] The patient usually goes to the stages of acceptance of the illness. +[840.200 --> 845.160] Initially the patient goes into denial or refusing to accept findings +[845.800 --> 848.520] and then they may go to depression or anxiety. +[850.040 --> 852.200] They may exhibit anger for having the disease. +[852.920 --> 855.880] After that they may try to find other options. +[856.200 --> 858.840] Eventually they will accept that they have disease. +[859.560 --> 863.880] For a doctor to these kinds of a disclosure they should be empathic, +[864.520 --> 869.640] meaning the ability to sense other people's emotions and the ability to put themselves +[870.200 --> 871.720] in the situation of the patient. +[872.360 --> 877.880] They should disclose in a calm and a professional manner frankly but with compassion. +[878.520 --> 882.600] So the doctor should also discuss the treatment's option of the patient. +[883.720 --> 889.640] So every patient has a different and unique way of reacting to a certain disease +[889.640 --> 895.080] that may add and doctors should be skillful enough to deal with each patient with empathy. +[895.640 --> 901.160] And they should enlighten the patient on what could be done and give all the options for the treatment. +[901.880 --> 907.080] Lastly the patient has the freedom to choose either to follow the advice of the doctor +[908.040 --> 913.240] to seek options from other healthcare professionals or to seek alternative treatments. +[913.800 --> 914.360] That's all. +[916.280 --> 917.560] Thank you Dr. Mado. +[918.200 --> 922.440] So we are done healing the testimonies and yes partner. +[922.440 --> 926.120] I am so glad that I learned a lot from those experiences. +[926.120 --> 929.160] We were able to know that your gestures +[929.160 --> 933.800] played a big role in the powerful communication tool that we can use. +[934.600 --> 939.960] Right partner but then I just want to ask our guests what kind of gestures +[939.960 --> 946.760] do they think are effective that show love or compassion, especially in their field, in their +[946.760 --> 947.480] situations. +[947.880 --> 953.160] As a doctor being a positive listener and having patience, +[953.160 --> 957.560] there is a sense their need is an effective way that shows love to my patients. +[959.160 --> 963.960] I believe that being cooperative with what they are asking me to do shows compassion, +[964.680 --> 970.840] cooperating especially with my attendants considering my situation but I am a senior citizen +[970.920 --> 973.960] and it's like a considerable help for them to lessen their pressure. +[975.400 --> 978.120] Being a postpartum mother is not easy. +[978.120 --> 985.560] I do understand that being calm and not hysterical in such a situation is an effective way of +[985.560 --> 992.120] gesture that supports my attendants with their duty. Not just my nurses or doctor but also those +[992.120 --> 1000.520] people around me. Being a nurse on duty that provides quality care to my patient is not an easy job. +[1001.000 --> 1006.760] I believe that being attentive and empathetic to my patient is an effective gesture that shows +[1006.760 --> 1008.680] my compassion for my line of work. +[1010.440 --> 1016.520] As I have witnessed different situations with my patients, I have learned that widening your +[1016.520 --> 1023.720] understanding and having long patience is important. Being a soft spoken rest of patient helps +[1023.720 --> 1030.440] them understand their situation. I am not just gaining their trust but I am also building our +[1030.440 --> 1037.880] relationship with me and my patient and I believe that it is an effective way of showing my love +[1037.880 --> 1045.720] and compassion to my work. Thank you dear guest. Wow partner, we're not just hearing the +[1045.720 --> 1052.760] testimonies but also we are learning from them. Indeed our gestures have an impact on how do we +[1052.760 --> 1060.360] convey our message. I do agree partner. I believe that our body language speaks volumes. I remember +[1060.360 --> 1066.600] this saying and I know all of you guys are familiar with this action speak louder than words and +[1066.600 --> 1073.560] yes it is true because of what have Marta Graham quoted our body never lies. +[1074.440 --> 1082.200] I do agree partner. So to sum up we have learned the acts of kindness and compassion can increase +[1082.200 --> 1089.480] well-being and help their recovery. It can also help them overcome loneliness and isolation. +[1089.480 --> 1097.560] Build healthy relationship and improve their self-esteem. And our gestures body language, emotions +[1097.560 --> 1105.080] and expressions are powerful communication tools. Yes yes yes partner we would like to thank +[1105.080 --> 1111.400] all our guests for having them and for sharing their time to share their testimonies and I believe +[1111.400 --> 1117.880] that our audiences also learn from them. I would like to thank all the sponsors, Microsoft +[1117.880 --> 1124.200] PIMs, Kanva and Microsoft PowerPoint for making this podcast effective and we would like to end +[1124.200 --> 1129.800] this podcast with a simple quote by Frank Gillette Burgers, our bodies who are actively +[1129.800 --> 1142.960] your author. +[1159.800 --> 1161.800] you +[1189.800 --> 1191.800] you diff --git a/transcript/podcast_Ama8N0jkprw.txt b/transcript/podcast_Ama8N0jkprw.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..ceb53e2b76a25fcee2f7828211dba0d4046a5ec4 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_Ama8N0jkprw.txt @@ -0,0 +1,236 @@ +[0.000 --> 6.000] Hey culture kids families! Before we begin our episode, do you want more educational and fun podcasts? +[6.000 --> 12.000] Your whole family can enjoy together. Check out Rainbow Puppy Science Lab. +[12.000 --> 16.000] Welcome to Rainbow Puppy Science Lab. +[16.000 --> 18.000] Hi, I'm Atkis. +[18.000 --> 24.000] And I'm Kyle. I'm a national board certified teacher, so I love things that are educational. +[24.000 --> 27.000] And I'm a kid, so I love things that are fun. +[27.000 --> 33.000] On Rainbow Puppy Science Lab, each episode is dedicated to the careful study. +[33.000 --> 36.000] I have something cool like ice cream or video games. +[36.000 --> 41.000] We'll go back in time to discover some fun facts from the history of our subject. +[41.000 --> 47.000] And imagine the future, like what if they come by and ice cream and video games? +[47.000 --> 54.000] Oh, that'd be sweet. The show is packed with fun facts, trivia games, and even experiments you can try at home. +[54.000 --> 58.000] It's so much fun. You won't even go leave. It's educational. +[58.000 --> 62.000] So follow Rainbow Puppy Science Lab starting Tuesday, April 25th. +[62.000 --> 66.000] And become an expert at all things. Awesome! +[66.000 --> 68.000] Jinks! +[68.000 --> 72.000] And now here is our latest episode. +[80.000 --> 82.000] Hello, culture kids. +[82.000 --> 86.000] Thank you for joining us today. +[86.000 --> 90.000] My name is Asher, and I am your host, along with my mom, Kristen. +[90.000 --> 98.000] We have a special birthday shout out to Pipa Lindsay from Ludlow, Kentucky. +[98.000 --> 100.000] Happy birthday, Pipa. +[100.000 --> 104.000] We hope all of you will come true. We've never been to Kentucky. +[104.000 --> 107.000] I hope I could visit Pipa someday. +[107.000 --> 110.000] Me too. Happy birthday, Pipa. +[112.000 --> 114.000] Hello! +[116.000 --> 124.000] Today, we're going to learn about how certain places in the world express themselves. +[124.000 --> 126.000] Okay! +[126.000 --> 132.000] Oh, like hand gestures or certain words or sounds. Like, hmm. +[132.000 --> 134.000] Ha! +[134.000 --> 140.000] Yep. For example, Asher, what do you do when you're surprised by something? +[140.000 --> 142.000] No. +[142.000 --> 144.000] I have to say, oh my goodness. +[144.000 --> 146.000] Ah! +[146.000 --> 148.000] So Asher was born in America. +[148.000 --> 154.000] In America, it's quite common for people to say, oh my goodness, when they're surprised by something. +[154.000 --> 162.000] But Asher, did you know that in different parts of the world, they wouldn't necessarily say, oh my goodness. +[162.000 --> 164.000] Or even, ah-ha! +[164.000 --> 166.000] I just say never stop of that. +[166.000 --> 170.000] In Korea, how many says, it goes. +[170.000 --> 172.000] That's right, she does. +[172.000 --> 174.000] And so do lots of other Korean people. +[174.000 --> 182.000] Let's dive into some fun ways people express themselves around the world. +[182.000 --> 184.000] You got it! +[190.000 --> 194.000] Every language and country has different phrases and gestures, because people in different places +[194.000 --> 198.000] have their own special ways of talking and communicating. +[198.000 --> 202.000] Just like how we all wear different clothes and eat different foods, +[202.000 --> 208.000] we also have different words and gestures that we use to express ourselves. +[208.000 --> 210.000] I know that. +[210.000 --> 218.000] This happens because every group of people has its own history, traditions, and ways of doing things. +[218.000 --> 222.000] It's what makes our world colorful and interesting. +[222.000 --> 224.000] Exactly. +[224.000 --> 228.000] So when we hear someone using different words or making different gestures, +[228.000 --> 234.000] it's a chance for us to learn about their culture and understand each other better. +[234.000 --> 238.000] First, that fun to culture trend. +[238.000 --> 242.000] Because mommy was born here. +[242.000 --> 246.000] South Korea. +[246.000 --> 250.000] We have so many fun ways to express ourselves in Korea. +[250.000 --> 252.000] First thing, as Asher mentioned before, +[252.000 --> 260.000] a lot of times when Koreans want to express their feelings that might be slightly overwhelming or surprising, we say, +[260.000 --> 262.000] I go. +[262.000 --> 264.000] I go. +[264.000 --> 266.000] Grandma says dialogue. +[266.000 --> 268.000] Like when our dad gets widely. +[268.000 --> 270.000] And she doesn't know what to do. +[270.000 --> 272.000] Exactly. +[272.000 --> 274.000] Wanna try saying it together? +[274.000 --> 276.000] Yes! +[276.000 --> 278.000] Ready? 1, 2, 3, 8, go! +[278.000 --> 282.000] Here is another fun one. +[282.000 --> 290.000] When something is really surprising, like someone said something that shocked you or something is really cool, you can say, +[290.000 --> 292.000] Hibok. +[292.000 --> 294.000] I hear that all the time. +[294.000 --> 296.000] From our Korean friends. +[296.000 --> 298.000] Tibok. +[298.000 --> 302.000] It could be translated to awesome, great, or wow, in English. +[302.000 --> 306.000] You can even say that after you try something delicious. +[306.000 --> 308.000] Combination of two Korean words. +[308.000 --> 312.000] Tae, which means big or great. +[312.000 --> 314.000] And pop, which means hit or success. +[314.000 --> 320.000] When these two words are combined, they form the expression Taeba. +[320.000 --> 324.000] Oh, next time I eat good candy, I'm gonna say Taeba! +[324.000 --> 326.000] Go for it. +[326.000 --> 330.000] For our listeners, I hope you'll start using this phrase every time you're excited about something. +[330.000 --> 332.000] Taeba! +[336.000 --> 342.000] Another fun word to say in Korean is fighting! +[342.000 --> 346.000] That's a bit of a tongue twister, isn't it? +[346.000 --> 350.000] Fighting comes from the English word fighting. +[350.000 --> 354.000] But has taken on a slightly different meaning in Korean. +[354.000 --> 356.000] Oh, but fighting is not a good thing. +[356.000 --> 360.000] When I say fighting, I wanna cheer someone on. +[360.000 --> 366.000] Yep, when Koreans say fighting, it's a way to motivate and uplift someone's spirit. +[366.000 --> 370.000] It's kinda like you can do it or, hey, try your best, you got this. +[370.000 --> 376.000] So should we be saying fighting or fighting? +[376.000 --> 380.000] You can say it however you want, but mommy says it the way Koreans say it. +[380.000 --> 382.000] Fighting with an H. +[382.000 --> 384.000] Fighting! +[384.000 --> 394.000] Next, our friend in the United Kingdom, Rachel, wants to share a fun phrase they use. +[394.000 --> 402.000] Hi everyone, it's Rachel from the UK again. +[402.000 --> 408.000] I wanted to share with you a phrase that we use in the UK called Part and Paso. +[408.000 --> 412.000] It doesn't have anything to do with presents or on wrapping. +[412.000 --> 418.000] It's actually a phrase that originated in the legal system in the UK in the 15th century. +[418.000 --> 424.000] It means to be part of the whole, something that's integral. +[424.000 --> 430.000] So for example, when you go on holiday, you take bags with you. +[430.000 --> 434.000] So you would say taking bags on holiday is all part and parcel. +[434.000 --> 436.000] Wait, she said holiday. +[436.000 --> 439.000] That's holiday mean vacation? +[439.000 --> 443.000] Yes, so in America, we say we go on vacation. +[443.000 --> 447.000] I noticed that people in the UK say they go on a holiday. +[447.000 --> 449.000] Oh cool. +[449.000 --> 453.000] I liked that because that reminds me of Christmas holidays. +[453.000 --> 458.000] So next time we're going on vacation, I'm gonna say we're going on holiday. +[458.000 --> 462.000] Absolutely, so Rachel described the term part and parcel. +[462.000 --> 464.000] I've actually never heard of this phrase. +[464.000 --> 468.000] So it means something that's important or part of something. +[468.000 --> 472.000] So you could say like, eat a nice cream is part and parcel. +[472.000 --> 476.000] Toy, happy asher. +[476.000 --> 478.000] Yes, I think that makes sense. +[478.000 --> 480.000] Yes, say. +[486.000 --> 487.000] Okay, next. +[487.000 --> 491.000] I want to talk about a gesture we use in the underwater world. +[491.000 --> 494.000] Huh, like from Mermick? +[494.000 --> 496.000] Well, close enough. +[496.000 --> 498.000] More like scuba divers. +[498.000 --> 503.000] Did you know that scuba divers have their own sign language they use when they are underwater? +[503.000 --> 507.000] Oh yeah, because they can't talk through the bubbles. +[507.000 --> 508.000] Yup. +[508.000 --> 514.000] One gesture I want to talk about today is the thumbs-up sign. +[514.000 --> 518.000] So what does thumbs up mean when you use it on land? +[518.000 --> 520.000] It's cool, like okay. +[520.000 --> 524.000] But underwater, it means I'm going up. +[524.000 --> 526.000] Exactly. +[526.000 --> 533.000] When you're underwater and scuba diving, a thumbs-up means I'm swimming back up to the surface of the water. +[533.000 --> 535.000] Or I'm ascending. +[535.000 --> 537.000] Mommy sometimes forgets this. +[537.000 --> 543.000] So several times I gave the thumbs up sign during our scuba diving sessions to let them know I'm doing great. +[543.000 --> 546.000] And it has confused other divers several times. +[546.000 --> 547.000] Oh no! +[547.000 --> 552.000] So they thought you were going back up to the surface of the water? +[552.000 --> 556.000] So what is that I'm doing great sign in scuba diving? +[556.000 --> 558.000] It's actually the O.K. sign. +[558.000 --> 563.000] The O.K. sign is universal, meaning everyone in the world would know what it is. +[563.000 --> 569.000] It's making a circle with your thumb and index finger, while the rest of your fingers are pointed straight up. +[569.000 --> 570.000] Okay. +[570.000 --> 575.000] If your scuba diving looked for that, then O.K. sign means you're good. +[575.000 --> 580.000] Stumbs up means you're telling people you're going back up to the surface. +[580.000 --> 582.000] Ha, silly mom. +[582.000 --> 589.000] Ha, ha. +[589.000 --> 597.000] Next, let's visit the beautiful island of Haiti. +[597.000 --> 602.000] Mommy's friend Marcus is from Haiti, which is a beautiful island in the Caribbean, +[602.000 --> 606.000] with pristine beaches and majestic mountains. +[606.000 --> 611.000] And here is a gesture that Marcus want to share with us from Haiti. +[611.000 --> 616.000] Today, I want to share with you one specific sound, +[616.000 --> 621.000] and gesture that the children from Haiti like to use. +[621.000 --> 625.000] So, in Haiti, whenever something good happens, +[625.000 --> 630.000] like if the children win a game home their friends and they get really excited, +[630.000 --> 633.000] so they would create a fest with their hands, right? +[633.000 --> 635.000] And a winning gesture, and then they would go, +[635.000 --> 636.000] O.K. +[636.000 --> 640.000] Because they're so happy and so excited that they won the game. +[640.000 --> 645.000] Now, sometimes, taste something really good, and they would go, +[645.000 --> 647.000] O.K. +[647.000 --> 651.000] So, they use that to express how tastefully really is. +[651.000 --> 656.000] So, I hope all of you get to go, O.K. +[656.000 --> 659.000] Next time, you want your favorite game, +[659.000 --> 661.000] all you get to try your favorite candy. +[661.000 --> 662.000] Bye-bye! +[664.000 --> 665.000] Wush! +[665.000 --> 668.000] It's like, woow! +[668.000 --> 669.000] Over, shh! +[669.000 --> 670.000] At the end. +[670.000 --> 671.000] Wush! +[671.000 --> 675.000] Kinda, but it sounds like the W is longer than the O. +[675.000 --> 679.000] So, instead of Wush, it's Wush! +[679.000 --> 681.000] I'm so excited. +[681.000 --> 683.000] Wush! +[684.000 --> 688.000] Lastly, let's visit V&M again. +[688.000 --> 693.000] A few episodes ago, we had Miss Tran from Mommy and Me, V&M East. +[693.000 --> 697.000] She wants to share with us an expression from V&M that people like to use. +[697.000 --> 699.000] Hey, culture kids! +[699.000 --> 702.000] This is Miss Tran from Mommy and Me, V&M East. +[702.000 --> 704.000] In V&M East, if you hear, +[704.000 --> 705.000] O.K. +[705.000 --> 707.000] That means, +[707.000 --> 708.000] O.K. +[708.000 --> 709.000] Gosh! +[709.000 --> 711.000] Can you repeat after me? +[711.000 --> 712.000] O.K. +[712.000 --> 713.000] Hey! +[713.000 --> 714.000] O.K. +[714.000 --> 715.000] Oh! +[715.000 --> 717.000] That wasn't bad, Asher. +[717.000 --> 718.000] Oi, Joy. +[718.000 --> 719.000] Oi. +[719.000 --> 721.000] That one's a tongue twister. +[721.000 --> 724.000] I like the first word Oi. +[724.000 --> 728.000] Tons like Oi, we say here in America. +[728.000 --> 732.000] I find it so fascinating that in almost every country and culture, +[732.000 --> 733.000] how people say, +[733.000 --> 734.000] Oh my goodness! +[734.000 --> 737.000] Or express their surprise is so uniquely different. +[738.000 --> 741.000] But at the same time, some of the words sound very similar. +[741.000 --> 743.000] In Korea, we also say, +[743.000 --> 744.000] Oh my na! +[744.000 --> 748.000] And it's interesting that they both have the O sound in the front. +[748.000 --> 750.000] Oh my na! +[750.000 --> 756.000] Well, this is certainly a topic that has more layers than a giant onion. +[756.000 --> 758.000] We can keep peeling all the time! +[758.000 --> 763.000] But it's all we have for today. +[763.000 --> 768.000] We also want to say a big thank you to Rachel, Marcus, and Sophie +[768.000 --> 772.000] for sharing your family's different ways of expressing gestures. +[772.000 --> 779.000] Let's end our episode with some fun jokes, as we always do. +[779.000 --> 780.000] O.K. +[780.000 --> 781.000] Asher, you go first. +[781.000 --> 784.000] How do you organize a space party? +[784.000 --> 785.000] How? +[785.000 --> 788.000] You plan it. +[788.000 --> 789.000] Ah! +[789.000 --> 790.000] Plan it. +[790.000 --> 792.000] But in space. +[792.000 --> 794.000] Okay, Mommy's turn. +[794.000 --> 795.000] Can I go? +[795.000 --> 796.000] Yes. +[796.000 --> 800.000] Why did the bicycle fall over? +[800.000 --> 801.000] Why? +[801.000 --> 805.000] Because it was too tired. +[805.000 --> 808.000] Haha, I get it. +[808.000 --> 811.000] Because a bicycle has two wheels. +[811.000 --> 813.000] Mm-hmm, that's it. +[813.000 --> 816.000] Thank you for joining us today. +[816.000 --> 821.000] Grown-ups, please don't forget to subscribe and let us know what you want to learn about next. +[821.000 --> 829.000] The thing that we love the most about creating Culture Kids Podcast is being able to hear what our community is interested in learning about. +[829.000 --> 838.000] If you have something that you'd like to share that's special to your family, please don't hesitate to email us at CultureKids Podcasts at gmail.com. +[838.000 --> 841.000] We always want to hear from you. +[841.000 --> 843.000] Until next time, see you later. +[843.000 --> 845.000] Alligator! +[876.000 --> 878.000] Bye! diff --git a/transcript/podcast_FCaaCc9nTE0.txt b/transcript/podcast_FCaaCc9nTE0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..3b5954f72642d97bf03b5ae620cd525d6975f319 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_FCaaCc9nTE0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,460 @@ +[0.000 --> 6.720] CJ shroud faces off with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer. Both of them are here to promote their product +[6.720 --> 12.320] But CJ was the only one that was invited through a tense non-verbal battle +[12.320 --> 20.680] We will witness CJ defend his turf while Tom and Bert try everything to steal the spotlight and garner good favor with the host +[21.120 --> 24.120] Now thank you and you read there. Oh, yeah guys. Let me get a plate +[24.120 --> 27.880] Tom dollars here. Can we come on the set? Yeah, we are +[36.360 --> 40.320] Pat McAfee notices fake Andy Read in the crowd and as he scans the crowd +[40.320 --> 45.880] He braces his chair as he notices Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura in a social context +[46.120 --> 50.060] Physically bracing oneself reveals anticipation for a significant +[50.060 --> 57.340] Potentially stressful interaction. It signals defensiveness and readiness and it tends to occur when one is feeling uncertain +[57.340 --> 63.500] About what the other party may do physically bracing against something solid provides a feeling of stability and control +[63.500 --> 68.500] Which is important in a situation where one is beginning to feel emotionally unsettled +[68.500 --> 75.740] Bert says can we come on the set? Yeah, we are without waiting for a response and then storms the set without getting approval +[75.740 --> 78.460] We then hear a few of the co-hosts go oh, okay +[78.980 --> 83.060] Essentially trying to indirectly say that although they didn't agree to this +[83.060 --> 87.460] They don't really have a way to shut it down without making a big scene +[87.860 --> 92.940] By doing this, Bert has forced an agreement between him and the people on the set +[93.020 --> 97.340] This is an awful thing to do and we are going to see the effects of this +[97.620 --> 100.100] Ripul throughout the entire interaction +[100.100 --> 104.580] But what's the psychology behind why you should avoid a forced agreement at all costs? +[104.940 --> 108.580] Not considering the autonomy of another before you enter their space +[108.900 --> 112.980] Implies that you don't hold them to the level of respect that you hold yourself to +[113.260 --> 118.020] Making an action like this only serves to create bad will within the dynamic +[118.020 --> 122.580] And we see this annoyance and bad will begin to ripple through the entire +[123.060 --> 126.980] Interaction when someone perceives a threat to their freedom to make choices +[126.980 --> 133.740] They attempt to restore their autonomy by refusing to capitulate the receiving party of a forced agreement has +[133.740 --> 140.500] Instantaneous badwill towards their counterparty because they feel like they have been disrespected and their value has not been +[140.500 --> 144.060] Recognized from the start and so if throughout the entire interaction +[144.060 --> 150.660] They will be less focused on forming a connection and more focused on providing resistance and getting their due respect +[150.660 --> 159.540] We will soon see that the person most affected by this is CJ Shroud our actions are judged by the public regardless of if we are drunk or not +[159.540 --> 165.660] Which is why when we are in a potentially strategic interaction we should keep our alcohol consumption minimal +[165.660 --> 173.580] We see Tom hesitate to follow birth and rightly so he recognizes the level of disrespect that a forced agreement implies +[173.700 --> 176.820] But he feels that he doesn't have any other option here +[176.820 --> 183.380] So a hesitation in his following is Tom's way of telling the group. Hey, I don't really have any other option +[183.380 --> 189.380] I'm just as much a part of this forced agreement as you guys are and then we see Tom being welcomed by the +[189.380 --> 191.380] Host much more than bird is +[200.100 --> 203.380] Who is he? He's a too funny white too funny white +[207.220 --> 211.540] CJ Shroud scans the room and looks at the co-host as they embrace Tom Saguaro +[211.980 --> 214.740] Starting to feel the effects of birth's forced agreement +[214.740 --> 223.020] He is slightly annoyed at how they are beginning to commandeer the podcast glancing at a current member of the group upon entrance of a new member of the group +[223.140 --> 230.100] relies on pre-established rapport to potentially communicate disapproval and a wish not to engage with the newcomer +[230.100 --> 233.300] We see Pat referred to Tom and Bert as too funny white +[233.500 --> 242.620] It is slightly disrespectful, but it is purposeful because it appeals to the annoyance that CJ feels with being interrupted by insulting Tom and Bert and then +[242.620 --> 248.700] Calling them funny Pat is signaling to CJ indirectly that I agree with you. This is kind of disrespectful +[249.100 --> 253.180] However, they are funny. So let's give them the floor for now because it will be worth it +[253.900 --> 258.460] CJ's laugh at Pat statement is an indirect agreement to Pat's reasoning to let them on +[259.260 --> 261.260] Too funny white CJ +[261.260 --> 263.260] Too funny white +[266.380 --> 268.700] I heard you were sleeping it's more I got you a cover +[269.260 --> 272.300] Oh wow, I said if two brothers would walk the neighborhood called the police +[274.780 --> 278.620] Bert feels more comfortable giving Tom the position that's closer to the group +[279.020 --> 282.460] likely because in the beginning the group embraced Tom more than they did +[282.460 --> 287.980] Bert the typical desire of the group is that the higher status individual be closer to the center +[288.300 --> 293.020] Having them physically closer to the center ensures that everyone within the group can pay attention +[293.180 --> 298.620] So in an attempt to garner rapport with the group Bert acts with the intentions of the group in mind +[298.940 --> 305.340] CJ is specifically there to promote his product and once he sees Tom put his own product on the table +[305.580 --> 309.500] CJ becomes even more annoyed by saying this joking insult +[309.660 --> 312.380] He is indirectly displaying his dissatisfaction +[312.620 --> 316.780] Essentially saying you have unjustly and undeservedly walked onto this set +[317.260 --> 320.780] Pat laughs because he genuinely agrees with CJ's indirect message +[321.100 --> 324.700] Especially considering the disrespect from Bert's forced agreement +[324.940 --> 326.940] Pat is appreciative of Tom and Bert +[327.100 --> 332.460] But he is more focused on remaining on CJ's side as CJ is his actual guest +[333.340 --> 336.380] Oh wow, I said if two brothers would walk the neighborhood called the police +[339.980 --> 345.340] We see that Tom's laugh is delayed when someone tells a joke that is simple and funny +[345.420 --> 349.820] Our laughter is an impulse meaning it comes directly after the joke +[349.900 --> 357.340] The fact that there was two seconds in between the joke and Tom's laughter shows us that his laughter was likely strategically fabricated +[357.580 --> 365.260] And intentionally deployed as an attempt to maintain rapport the effect of laughter falls on a spectrum based on how we deploy it +[365.660 --> 370.220] Often sharing our laughter with the group serves to reinforce our connection to the group +[370.300 --> 377.740] But if it is seen that the laughter is disingenuous then the laughter has an adverse effect and serves to weaken the connection to the group +[378.380 --> 381.100] You drink it? You drink it today? No sir, I don't drink +[383.580 --> 388.780] He's got an offensive rookie of the year to win dude just want it. Okay Bert. Sorry about it. How are you guys doing? +[389.180 --> 392.060] Let's go. You're still doing it. I'm hammered still do I'm gonna give it the time +[393.260 --> 395.580] Watch out man. I see four time y'all trippers +[399.580 --> 404.060] CJ notices Pat give a microphone to Tom and by Pat doing this +[404.060 --> 412.940] He is effectively giving a platform for Tom to get more control in the situation in an attempt to stop the growing control that Tom and Bert are getting +[413.260 --> 419.900] CJ calls them out directly trying to nip it in the bud by indirectly saying this is not your guys is in your products time +[420.140 --> 427.900] This is me and my products time. We see Pat laugh after CJ says this showing CJ that while he did just platform Tom and Bert +[428.060 --> 430.060] He is still on CJ's side +[434.060 --> 436.060] It's so funny +[438.940 --> 448.860] To say like it's really good actually. This is really good waterfall. How's this great big? That's delicious try it because CJ's call out was direct and had very little nuance +[449.180 --> 453.100] Tom now begins to really feel the oppositional tension with CJ +[453.500 --> 455.820] Tom feels that CJ's direct response +[456.060 --> 461.500] shows that CJ unequivocally thinks that Tom and Bert are here with bad intentions +[461.820 --> 468.220] Instead of talking to CJ he leans over to Pat and inquires what's this taste like intentional social exclusion +[468.380 --> 471.260] Reveals an emotional distress towards one's counterpart +[471.660 --> 474.860] It also serves to make the counterparty feel out of place +[475.500 --> 479.740] Through Tom choosing to talk to Pat instead of CJ about CJ's drink +[480.060 --> 483.420] He reveals the growth of the oppositional tension that he is feeling +[483.900 --> 491.460] By complimenting CJ's drink and then inquiring about Tom and Bert's Pat is still able to balance remaining on both Tom and Bert's +[491.500 --> 493.500] Side as well as CJ's side +[493.900 --> 500.620] It's really good actually. This is really good waterfall. How's this great big? That's delicious. Try it. What is it? What is it? It's our recovery drink +[502.460 --> 508.140] Tom views Pat's question as an olive branch to subconsciously gain more control over the situation +[508.540 --> 510.060] In order to follow through on it +[510.220 --> 516.060] He turns his body away from CJ and creates a physical barrier between CJ and Pat +[516.460 --> 523.100] Now this is a very direct move, but it is an oppositional response to CJ calling them out directly +[523.500 --> 526.460] Even though CJ was somewhat justified in doing that +[526.540 --> 531.980] We turn toward ideas and people we agree with and away from ideas and people that we disagree with +[532.220 --> 537.580] By intentionally turning away from someone we display our dissatisfaction and disinterest +[537.660 --> 544.940] And the hope is that the showing of this disinterest incentivizes our counterpart to play Kate us and act more in our favor +[545.500 --> 550.300] CJ notices exactly what Tom is doing and he becomes even more annoyed +[550.780 --> 559.980] CJ knowing that he is losing his favor with Pat to Tom looks to the other co-hosts that are off camera to the right in order to non-verbaly garner support for his situation +[560.940 --> 562.940] Who's that? +[562.940 --> 564.140] What else? +[564.140 --> 565.580] I have a mind +[565.580 --> 566.780] What are we talking about? +[566.780 --> 568.540] I see people +[568.540 --> 570.540] I see people +[570.540 --> 572.540] It's uh +[572.540 --> 573.740] That's it +[573.740 --> 575.260] You know there's that +[575.740 --> 580.140] CJ tries to rally the camaraderie of the co-hosts by beginning a chant +[580.380 --> 583.020] And we see Pat start to go along with it as well +[583.500 --> 585.740] Pat right now is on both sides +[585.740 --> 591.740] But up until this point the co-host to the right of the camera are pretty much a hundred percent on CJ's side +[591.980 --> 596.140] And we see that through the intensity of how they go along with the c4 chant +[596.380 --> 601.340] The intensity of their chant makes Bert aware of their partiality to CJ +[601.660 --> 604.780] So in a subconscious attempt to gain more control +[604.940 --> 611.100] Bert walks over there offering them each a sip of his product hoping to get them more on his side +[616.460 --> 620.460] You poured it here i'm not there we go oh boy thank you +[620.460 --> 622.940] You're stopping my mind stop thank you +[622.940 --> 623.900] Stop the barking +[623.900 --> 624.700] I'm gonna drink +[624.700 --> 625.340] I don't drink +[625.340 --> 626.140] That's a lie +[626.140 --> 626.940] That's boom +[626.940 --> 628.060] I'll get you Bert +[628.060 --> 629.580] There in that Bert really nice to you +[629.580 --> 631.340] He just doesn't want to put his he drinks +[631.340 --> 632.620] I want one of those hoodies +[632.620 --> 634.140] I see four only CJ +[634.140 --> 634.620] CJ +[634.620 --> 635.100] CJ +[635.100 --> 636.620] That's so weird +[636.620 --> 640.380] I'm gonna throw a weird how high level athletes don't move +[641.180 --> 641.980] Yeah it's crazy +[641.980 --> 642.620] It's crazy +[642.620 --> 643.020] Yeah +[643.020 --> 643.900] That's the first time +[643.900 --> 647.100] At 11 a.m. you know Thursday 11 a.m. +[647.100 --> 651.740] Tom jokingly says isn't it weird how high level athletes don't booze +[651.740 --> 653.260] He's joking here of course +[653.260 --> 655.660] But the butt of the joke is CJ +[655.660 --> 657.900] Again stoking the tension between the two +[657.900 --> 662.060] We see Pat utilize a very interesting tactic in his response +[662.060 --> 663.740] He says yeah it's crazy +[663.740 --> 666.940] Especially on a Thursday at 11 a.m. +[666.940 --> 668.940] He directly agrees with Tom +[668.940 --> 672.460] But at the same time he indirectly shuts him down +[672.540 --> 676.380] By pointing out how degenerate it is to be drinking so early +[676.380 --> 678.540] This not only reigns Tom back in +[678.540 --> 682.860] But it allows Pat to indirectly show CJ that he is still on his side +[682.860 --> 685.500] CJ notices this and is pleased +[685.500 --> 689.420] Thursday at 11 a.m. you know Thursday 11 a.m. +[689.420 --> 691.100] Hey Bert here's to you, but brother +[692.140 --> 694.620] Brother not get a free promo excuse me +[694.620 --> 697.660] I'm in the way hold that C-4. I'm so get free promo +[697.660 --> 700.140] As Bert was handing out the drinks +[700.140 --> 704.060] CJ was watching intently as each one of the co-hosts +[704.060 --> 706.300] Accepted the drink from Bert +[706.300 --> 712.060] CJ begins to realize that there is no longer anyone here that is solely on his side +[712.060 --> 715.500] Because of this when Bert then comes close to CJ +[715.500 --> 717.420] CJ can't really argue anymore +[717.420 --> 719.740] And now just says y'all are getting free promo +[719.740 --> 722.940] But he will get his fire back very soon +[722.940 --> 724.060] Sorry +[724.060 --> 725.500] Hey here's to you boys +[725.500 --> 727.420] Cheers two bears +[727.420 --> 729.100] Let's see +[729.180 --> 730.860] It's good +[730.860 --> 732.060] Take it down +[732.060 --> 734.060] Take it down Pat McAfee +[735.020 --> 736.300] Come on two +[736.300 --> 736.940] What is it? +[736.940 --> 739.020] Notice how Tom's left arm is bent +[739.020 --> 742.620] Covering his torso instead of relaxed and down to his side +[742.620 --> 747.100] Bert also has his arm that's closest to CJ bent instead of down to his side +[747.100 --> 750.940] This is again another acknowledgement of the oppositional tension +[750.940 --> 753.580] The stiff and intentionally positioned arm +[753.580 --> 758.140] Signals the desire to maintain separation through the creation of a barrier +[758.300 --> 762.060] It is a posture meant to claim and defend personal space +[762.060 --> 767.100] But most importantly it assists in confirming what we've expected all along +[767.100 --> 771.660] As it shows us that Tom and Bert are not sharing good will with CJ +[771.660 --> 772.940] And vice versa +[772.940 --> 776.060] CJ has quite literally been surrounded +[776.060 --> 779.500] Tom and Bert have dismantled all of his support +[779.500 --> 784.780] And now CJ looks to the audience to appeal to his situation and garner more support +[784.780 --> 786.940] Because they're all he has left +[787.660 --> 788.700] For now +[788.700 --> 789.980] Come on two +[789.980 --> 790.700] What is it? +[790.700 --> 792.140] You ready to go? +[792.140 --> 793.180] Yeah I am +[793.180 --> 793.980] Hell yeah +[793.980 --> 796.140] I wasn't before but now you are +[796.140 --> 798.380] Thank you I can find this in Texas +[798.380 --> 800.620] California and Florida +[800.620 --> 801.340] Yes +[801.340 --> 803.900] When Pat says yeah I am +[803.900 --> 807.980] CJ raises his eyebrows because now Pat has crossed the line +[807.980 --> 811.180] A prolonged eyebrow raise signifies surprise +[811.180 --> 815.260] CJ was not expecting Pat to take Tom's side so clearly +[815.260 --> 818.220] Especially since both the products are so similar +[818.220 --> 821.260] Pat on waveringly co-signs Tom and Bert's product +[821.260 --> 823.580] And this causes CJ to feel dejected +[823.580 --> 826.860] Because Pat no longer offers CJ any indirect messaging +[826.860 --> 829.500] To tell CJ that he's still on his side +[829.500 --> 834.300] Because of this, CJ feels he has no further available moves +[834.300 --> 837.820] Tom touches Pat on the shoulder to deepen the connection +[837.820 --> 842.700] And all CJ feels he can do is just watch and be mad +[842.700 --> 845.900] CJ feels that he's been isolated and disrespected +[845.900 --> 849.980] And CJ's comments from here on out become very direct and unwavering +[849.980 --> 853.900] Which shows us that the potential for any future rapport between them +[853.900 --> 855.980] Is diminishing by the second +[855.980 --> 860.940] We are watching their bad will for each other spiral out of control in real time +[860.940 --> 864.860] And it all started from a forced agreement +[864.860 --> 866.860] Oh he's the most porous +[866.860 --> 868.700] Porous us +[868.700 --> 870.700] Porous us +[870.780 --> 872.940] How many push ups do you think are going to do right now? +[872.940 --> 874.860] I got a good 3.5 +[874.860 --> 876.460] 3.5 +[876.460 --> 877.660] He's doubting you +[877.660 --> 878.460] Wow +[878.460 --> 879.660] Boom +[879.660 --> 881.180] CJ says 3.5 +[881.180 --> 883.820] And we see the co-host erupt in laughter +[883.820 --> 886.460] Causing CJ to gain a little bit of control back +[886.460 --> 888.620] And lift his morale temporarily +[888.620 --> 889.180] All right +[889.180 --> 889.660] Okay +[889.660 --> 890.460] CJ 3 +[890.460 --> 891.340] Hold on Bert Bert +[891.340 --> 892.940] What is inaccurate over under? +[892.940 --> 895.100] What is a proper 24.5 +[895.100 --> 896.940] No what's a proper expectation? +[896.940 --> 898.540] What 40? +[898.540 --> 899.340] Biggest refill +[899.420 --> 900.140] Okay so what do we do? +[900.140 --> 901.100] But AJ is calling +[901.100 --> 902.540] He's going to give you range +[902.540 --> 903.100] No +[903.100 --> 903.900] Make sure you're going down +[903.900 --> 904.860] What is going on? +[905.660 --> 906.140] What? +[906.140 --> 906.460] CJ +[906.460 --> 908.460] We have a strong hamster about to do push ups +[909.020 --> 911.020] Bert knows that historically +[911.020 --> 913.980] When he takes his shirt off he gets more attention +[913.980 --> 916.620] And so Bert feels that him taking his shirt off +[916.620 --> 918.540] Will lead to more people seeing the show +[918.540 --> 920.780] And therefore more people seeing his product +[920.780 --> 922.140] While this is happening +[922.140 --> 923.900] We see CJ looking around +[923.900 --> 925.980] Completely confused +[925.980 --> 929.020] He's wondering why the guy he was just in tension with +[929.020 --> 930.860] Is making a fool out of himself +[930.860 --> 933.900] CJ was not familiar with Bert before this +[933.900 --> 937.980] And is unable to recognize that Bert is making a strategic play here +[937.980 --> 941.020] CJ merely thinks that Bert is embarrassing himself +[941.020 --> 943.420] And is drunkenly doing something stupid +[943.420 --> 947.180] And so CJ is confused on why Bert would do something +[947.180 --> 949.900] That would play into CJ's favor like this +[949.900 --> 951.900] We see CJ take advantage of this +[951.900 --> 955.340] By poking Bert and telling another joke at his expense +[955.340 --> 957.180] The co-host laugh again +[957.180 --> 960.220] And rising from the depths of despair +[960.220 --> 963.740] CJ begins to gain back more control +[963.740 --> 964.620] What is going on? +[965.500 --> 965.740] What? +[965.740 --> 966.140] CJ +[966.140 --> 968.620] We have a strong hamster about to do push ups +[968.620 --> 969.420] CJ listen +[970.380 --> 971.580] None of us know what's going on +[971.580 --> 971.980] Sorry +[971.980 --> 973.260] I'm not including me +[973.260 --> 974.380] And I walked in with him +[974.380 --> 976.220] Tom says including me +[976.220 --> 977.660] And I walked in on him +[977.660 --> 979.900] By separating himself from Bert +[979.900 --> 984.140] Tom removes himself from catching any collateral embarrassment +[984.140 --> 986.460] That Bert causes from here on out +[986.460 --> 987.900] Up until this point +[987.900 --> 989.900] Tom and Bert were a unit +[989.900 --> 993.260] And Tom didn't make the effort to separate himself from Bert +[993.260 --> 996.140] Until Bert started doing something unpredictable +[996.140 --> 999.340] Which might negatively affect the promotion of the product +[999.340 --> 1001.260] By separating himself from Bert +[1001.260 --> 1004.780] Any control that CJ gains from here on out over Bert +[1004.780 --> 1007.340] Is no longer applied to Tom as well +[1007.340 --> 1009.900] If CJ wants to fully regain favor +[1009.900 --> 1013.500] He is going to now have to deal with Tom separately +[1013.500 --> 1013.980] Yeah +[1013.980 --> 1015.020] Alright +[1015.020 --> 1015.580] Alright +[1015.580 --> 1016.940] You counted AJ come on +[1016.940 --> 1017.420] Morning +[1017.420 --> 1018.380] Yeah, lock out +[1018.380 --> 1018.860] Here you go +[1018.860 --> 1019.740] Yep +[1019.740 --> 1020.620] These aren't pushing us +[1020.620 --> 1021.020] Go +[1021.020 --> 1021.420] Go +[1021.420 --> 1021.820] Go +[1023.580 --> 1025.820] CJ says these aren't push ups +[1025.820 --> 1027.820] And Pat erupts with laughter +[1027.820 --> 1032.620] Again allowing CJ to take back more control and favor with the hosts +[1032.620 --> 1034.940] Tom has separated himself from Bert though +[1034.940 --> 1037.260] And so the power that CJ gains back +[1037.260 --> 1039.180] Is only over Bert +[1039.180 --> 1041.100] Tom is still in good favor +[1041.100 --> 1041.660] Thanks +[1041.660 --> 1042.940] You can see his horses +[1042.940 --> 1043.100] We're going +[1043.100 --> 1043.660] Come on +[1043.660 --> 1045.020] Where's the aerado +[1045.020 --> 1045.580] 15 +[1045.580 --> 1046.620] 16 +[1046.620 --> 1047.340] Where are you at Bert +[1047.340 --> 1048.380] What number are you at +[1048.380 --> 1051.900] We see the co-host on the right dismissively say I'm not counting +[1051.900 --> 1055.180] Again we see another example of the co-host's favor +[1055.180 --> 1058.300] Shifting away from Bert and back to CJ +[1058.300 --> 1059.180] Don't make him count +[1059.180 --> 1059.820] All the way up +[1059.820 --> 1060.860] Somebody else count +[1060.860 --> 1061.980] Now he's missed it already +[1061.980 --> 1062.860] I know +[1062.860 --> 1064.060] So if we start counting +[1064.060 --> 1065.100] It's the least winning +[1065.100 --> 1066.700] There's 30 right there +[1066.700 --> 1067.580] Now how many? +[1067.580 --> 1068.220] 30 +[1069.580 --> 1070.220] All the way up +[1072.460 --> 1073.100] 9 +[1073.100 --> 1074.460] That's 40 +[1074.540 --> 1075.020] Sure +[1075.020 --> 1076.540] That's 50 +[1076.540 --> 1077.340] It's 50 +[1077.340 --> 1078.540] He's been going since early +[1078.540 --> 1079.900] CJ is your fault +[1079.900 --> 1080.940] That's really annoying +[1080.940 --> 1081.420] This is really annoying +[1081.420 --> 1083.020] Pat looks at CJ and says +[1083.020 --> 1084.380] CJ this is your fault +[1084.380 --> 1086.140] He's half joking when he says this +[1086.140 --> 1087.260] But by saying this +[1087.260 --> 1088.700] He is telling CJ that +[1088.700 --> 1091.980] If you hadn't been so direct and confrontational with them +[1091.980 --> 1095.580] This drunk man wouldn't be on the ground trying to prove himself right now +[1095.580 --> 1096.620] But the thing is +[1096.620 --> 1099.180] That CJ is justified in his actions +[1099.180 --> 1102.700] And seeing how Pat unwaveringly co-signed Tom's product +[1102.700 --> 1104.380] CJ feels perfectly fine +[1104.380 --> 1106.540] Pairing Pat's comment and rejecting it +[1106.540 --> 1108.220] By putting the negative focus +[1108.220 --> 1109.900] Back on to Bert when he says +[1109.900 --> 1111.500] No it stinks in here now +[1111.500 --> 1112.300] I heard it +[1112.300 --> 1113.260] He said 3am +[1113.260 --> 1114.140] I had to argue about this one +[1114.140 --> 1115.340] He lost 50 grand he said +[1115.340 --> 1115.740] There you go +[1115.740 --> 1116.940] Hey where you going Bert +[1116.940 --> 1118.220] Where's the bloody Bert +[1118.220 --> 1119.180] It's a big go +[1119.180 --> 1120.220] Where's the bloody Bert? +[1120.220 --> 1121.180] Where's the bloody Bert? +[1121.180 --> 1123.980] The co-host applaud Bert as he gets up +[1123.980 --> 1127.580] And we predictably see CJ withholding his applause +[1127.580 --> 1128.940] Tom notices this +[1128.940 --> 1130.620] And really realizes +[1130.620 --> 1134.700] How truly dissatisfied CJ is with the current situation +[1134.700 --> 1137.340] And we see CJ reject Bert's ask +[1137.340 --> 1139.340] To get him to do the pushups as well +[1139.340 --> 1139.980] Come on, CJ +[1139.980 --> 1141.180] Come here Bert +[1141.180 --> 1143.340] Hey we appreciate you boys +[1143.340 --> 1144.060] Oh man +[1144.060 --> 1145.020] Keep going +[1145.020 --> 1146.220] Sorry, Bert +[1146.220 --> 1147.340] Tom, thanks, Bob +[1147.340 --> 1148.140] Thank you very much +[1148.140 --> 1148.940] Thank you Tom +[1148.940 --> 1149.980] Sorry for ruining us +[1149.980 --> 1151.500] Tom, take your Tom +[1151.500 --> 1152.540] Great to meet you +[1152.540 --> 1153.500] See for a flight +[1155.500 --> 1156.300] Go work Bert +[1156.300 --> 1157.500] Oh it's awesome +[1157.500 --> 1159.100] Not to too Bert +[1159.100 --> 1160.060] Thank you +[1160.140 --> 1161.100] No, you're not +[1161.100 --> 1162.060] I was just dating +[1162.060 --> 1164.060] No, apology is dating +[1164.060 --> 1165.740] Tom touches Pat's shoulder +[1165.740 --> 1167.900] And he apologizes while laughing +[1167.900 --> 1170.300] This immediately gets CJ's attention +[1170.300 --> 1172.380] Because hearing an apology like this +[1172.380 --> 1175.580] Makes CJ feel as if he's getting his power back +[1175.580 --> 1179.740] However, since Tom previously separated himself from Bert +[1179.740 --> 1181.260] When he apologizes +[1181.260 --> 1183.820] He is apologizing for Bert's actions +[1183.820 --> 1184.860] Not his +[1184.860 --> 1187.740] And so while CJ is immediately interested +[1187.740 --> 1189.340] Tom is not surrendering +[1189.340 --> 1191.740] To the tension that him and CJ had +[1191.740 --> 1195.180] Tom is merely apologizing on behalf of Bert +[1195.180 --> 1197.500] In order to gracefully end the interaction +[1197.500 --> 1199.340] It got CJ's attention though +[1199.340 --> 1200.460] Which implies +[1200.460 --> 1203.020] That CJ was open to mending the conflict +[1203.020 --> 1204.860] And forming a potential connection +[1204.860 --> 1207.980] However, since CJ noticed that Tom was only apologizing +[1207.980 --> 1209.100] On behalf of Bert +[1209.100 --> 1210.940] And not on behalf of himself +[1210.940 --> 1212.620] CJ feels justified +[1212.620 --> 1215.820] In rejecting Tom's advances of a potential handshake +[1215.900 --> 1218.940] By grabbing his product and putting it on top of theirs +[1218.940 --> 1220.620] Essentially telling Tom +[1220.620 --> 1223.260] You are not deserving of a handshake +[1223.260 --> 1225.980] Any potential goodwill in this relationship +[1225.980 --> 1229.340] Has been thwarted by what you did here today +[1229.340 --> 1230.540] Good Tom, great shoes +[1230.540 --> 1231.980] Yeah, I'll take this yours +[1231.980 --> 1232.860] Thank you Tom +[1232.860 --> 1233.900] Good to see you Tom +[1233.900 --> 1234.620] You're good Bert +[1234.620 --> 1235.820] Great shoes Tom +[1235.820 --> 1238.540] Yes, so CJ is your two drunk whites in a while +[1238.540 --> 1239.740] And uh +[1239.740 --> 1242.220] We did not know that was happening on top of it +[1242.220 --> 1244.300] You want to give him two and a half, three and a half pushups? +[1244.300 --> 1244.780] Yeah +[1244.860 --> 1247.180] When Bert and Tom came on originally +[1247.180 --> 1249.660] Pat referred to them as two funny whites +[1249.660 --> 1250.700] And as they leave +[1250.700 --> 1253.020] Pat refers to them as two drunk whites +[1253.020 --> 1254.700] Being intentionally disrespectful +[1254.700 --> 1257.900] In order to appeal to the annoyance of the collective group +[1257.900 --> 1260.060] By exchanging funny for drunk +[1260.060 --> 1262.700] He indirectly acknowledges that he was wrong +[1262.700 --> 1265.980] In saying that they would be funny and worth the interruption +[1265.980 --> 1268.220] We see CJ laughed in approval +[1268.220 --> 1269.660] Apology accepted +[1269.660 --> 1271.500] How we begin our interactions +[1271.500 --> 1273.980] Set the pace for the rest of the dynamic +[1274.220 --> 1276.220] And even the rest of the relationship +[1276.220 --> 1277.740] We should be intentional +[1277.740 --> 1279.900] About how we enforce ourselves +[1279.900 --> 1281.740] Into the space of others +[1281.740 --> 1283.180] And be cognizant +[1283.180 --> 1286.140] That we do not shoot ourselves in the foot +[1286.140 --> 1287.420] In the process +[1287.420 --> 1289.980] What are your thoughts on this tense interaction +[1289.980 --> 1291.580] Remember to like the video +[1291.580 --> 1292.460] Subscribe +[1292.460 --> 1295.180] And follow the newsletter on strategic communication +[1295.180 --> 1296.700] Because I said so +[1296.700 --> 1299.580] My name is Glidget Ronan +[1299.580 --> 1301.420] Thank you so much for watching diff --git a/transcript/podcast_J2d6quMpGDc.txt b/transcript/podcast_J2d6quMpGDc.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..e912309022dc49354a9ec555f3af8d1c83128dab --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_J2d6quMpGDc.txt @@ -0,0 +1,24 @@ +[0.000 --> 2.620] And then dedicate a whole album to me please. +[2.620 --> 5.300] Okay, I'll send you a song. I'll write you a song. +[5.300 --> 7.300] I'll actually write you a song like a sweet song. +[7.300 --> 8.100] A sweet song? +[8.100 --> 8.900] Yeah, yeah. +[8.900 --> 11.100] Has any guy ever wrote you a song? +[11.100 --> 12.100] No. +[14.100 --> 16.100] What's the nicest thing a guy's ever done for you? +[16.100 --> 17.100] Um... +[18.100 --> 19.100] Rough life. +[20.100 --> 21.100] I'm trying to think. +[21.100 --> 22.100] Okay. +[22.100 --> 24.600] I hope it's because there's too many nice things. +[24.600 --> 25.100] Yeah. +[26.000 --> 27.000] Bimy flowers. +[28.100 --> 29.000] How sweet. +[29.000 --> 29.800] Yeah. +[29.800 --> 31.800] What's the nicest thing a guy's ever done for you? +[31.800 --> 32.800] Yeah. +[32.800 --> 33.800] Well... +[33.800 --> 35.800] You know normal people get flowers. +[35.800 --> 36.800] No, I... +[36.800 --> 37.800] Yeah, I know. +[37.800 --> 40.800] What's the nicest thing a girl's ever done for you? diff --git a/transcript/podcast_Ks-_Mh1QhMc.txt b/transcript/podcast_Ks-_Mh1QhMc.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..81d78b3d3ebba5a05f9ca400244613608b8d13f4 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_Ks-_Mh1QhMc.txt @@ -0,0 +1,206 @@ +[0.000 --> 23.840] So I want to start by offering you a free no tech life hack and all it requires of you +[23.840 --> 30.960] is this that you change your posture for two minutes. But before I give it away, I want to ask you to +[30.960 --> 36.000] right now do a little audit of your body and what you're doing with your body. So how many of you +[36.000 --> 41.120] are sort of making yourself smaller, maybe you're hunching, crossing your legs, maybe wrapping your +[41.120 --> 52.000] ankles, sometimes we hold onto our arms like this, sometimes we spread out. I see you. So I want you +[52.000 --> 56.160] to pay attention to what you're doing right now. We're going to come back to that in a few minutes +[56.160 --> 61.040] and I'm hoping that if you sort of learn to tweak this a little bit, it could significantly change +[61.040 --> 68.640] the way your life unfolds. So we're really fascinated with body language and we're particularly +[68.640 --> 73.920] interested in other people's body language. You know, we're interested in like, you know, +[73.920 --> 85.280] a an awkward interaction or a smile or a contemptuous glance or maybe a very awkward wink or maybe even +[85.280 --> 91.280] something like a handshake. Here they are arriving at number 10 and look at this lucky policeman gets +[91.280 --> 96.800] the shake hands with the president of the United States. Oh, here comes the prime minister of it. No. +[96.800 --> 109.440] So a handshake or the lack of a handshake can have us talking for weeks and weeks and weeks, +[109.440 --> 116.080] even the BBC and the New York Times. So obviously when we think about nonverbal behavior or body language, +[116.080 --> 121.120] but we call it nonverbals as social scientists, it's language. So we think about communication. +[121.120 --> 125.520] When we think about communication, we think about interactions. So what is your body language +[125.520 --> 132.240] communicating to me? What's mine communicating to you? And there's a lot of reason to believe that this +[132.240 --> 137.840] is a valid way to look at this. So social scientists have spent a lot of time looking at the effects of +[137.840 --> 143.200] of our body language or other people's body language on judgments and we make sweeping judgments and +[143.200 --> 149.280] inferences from body language and those judgments can predict really meaningful life outcomes like +[149.280 --> 153.600] who we hire or promote, who we ask out on the date. For example, +[155.200 --> 161.200] Nallini Ambody, a researcher at Tufts University shows that when people watch 30-second +[161.200 --> 166.800] soundless clips of real physician patient interactions, their judgments of the physician's +[166.800 --> 172.160] niceness predict whether or not that physician will be sued. So it doesn't have to do so much with +[172.160 --> 176.160] whether or not that physician was incompetent, but do we like that person and how they interacted? +[177.120 --> 184.160] Even more dramatic, Alex Todorovic Princeton has shown us that judgments of political candidates faces +[184.160 --> 194.400] in just one second predicts 70% of US Senate and gubernatorial race outcomes. And even, let's go digital, +[194.400 --> 201.040] in modacons used well in online negotiations can lead you to claim more value from that negotiation +[201.200 --> 207.520] if you use them poorly, bad idea. Right? So when we think of non-verbals, we think of how we judge +[207.520 --> 212.560] others, how they judge us and what the outcomes are. We tend to forget though the other audience +[212.560 --> 218.880] that's influenced by our non-verbals and that's ourselves. We are also influenced by our non-verbals, +[218.880 --> 225.040] our thoughts and our feelings and our physiology. So what non-verbals am I talking about? I'm a social +[225.040 --> 231.440] psychologist, I study prejudice and I teach it a competitive business school. So it was +[231.440 --> 237.200] inevitable that I would become interested in power dynamics. I became especially interested in +[237.200 --> 242.960] non-verbal expressions of power and dominance. And what are non-verbal expressions of power and +[242.960 --> 248.720] dominance? Well, this is what they are. So in the animal kingdom, they are about expanding. So you +[248.720 --> 255.440] make yourself big, you stretch out, you take up space, you're basically opening up, it's about opening +[255.440 --> 262.480] up. And this is true across the animal kingdom. It's not just limited to primates and humans do the +[262.480 --> 268.960] same thing. So they do this both when they have power sort of chronically and also when they're +[268.960 --> 274.160] feeling powerful in the moment. And this one is especially interesting because it really shows us +[274.160 --> 280.480] how universal and old these expressions of power are. This expression, which is known as pride, +[281.120 --> 286.640] Jessica Tracy has studied, she shows that people who are born with sight and people who are +[286.640 --> 292.080] can generally blind do this when they win at a physical competition. So when they cross the +[292.080 --> 296.880] finish line and they won, it doesn't matter if they've never seen anyone do it, they do this. So the +[296.880 --> 302.000] arms up in the V, the chin is slightly lifted. What are we doing when we feel powerless? We do +[302.000 --> 307.920] exactly the opposite. We close up, we wrap ourselves up, we make ourselves small, we don't want to +[307.920 --> 313.760] bump into the person next to us. So again, both animals and humans do the same thing. And this is +[313.760 --> 319.760] what happens when you put together high and low power. So what we tend to do when it comes to power +[319.760 --> 324.960] is that we compliment the others non-verbals. So if someone's being really powerful with us, we +[324.960 --> 331.040] tend to make ourselves smaller. We don't mirror them, we do the opposite of them. So I'm watching this +[331.040 --> 340.400] behavior in the classroom. And what do I notice? I notice that MBA students really exhibit the +[340.400 --> 345.280] full range of power non-verbals. So you have people who are like caricatures of alphas, like really +[345.280 --> 349.840] coming to the room, they get right into the middle of the room before class even starts, like they +[349.840 --> 354.560] really want to occupy space. When they sit down, they're sort of spread out, they raise their hands +[354.560 --> 360.080] like this. You have other people who are virtually collapsing when they come in, as soon as they come +[360.080 --> 364.160] and you see it. You see it on their faces and their bodies. And they sit in their chair and they +[364.160 --> 369.760] make themselves tiny. And they go like this when they raise their hand. I notice a couple things about +[369.760 --> 376.960] this. One, you're not going to be surprised. It seems to be related to gender. So women are much more +[376.960 --> 382.800] likely to do this kind of thing than men. Women feel chronically less powerful than men. So this is +[382.800 --> 389.040] not surprising. But the other thing I notice is that it also seemed to be related to the extent to which +[389.040 --> 394.240] the students were participating and how well they were participating. And this is really important +[394.240 --> 400.400] in the MBA classroom because participation counts for half the grade. So, business schools have +[400.400 --> 405.120] been struggling with its gender grade gap. You get these equally qualified women and men coming in +[406.160 --> 411.040] and then you get these differences in grades and it seems to be partly attributable to participation. +[411.040 --> 416.400] So I started to wonder, you know, okay, so you have these people coming in like this and they're +[416.400 --> 421.360] participating. Is it possible that we could get people to fake it and would it lead them to +[421.360 --> 428.080] participate more? So my main collaborator, Dana Karney, who's at Berkeley and I really wanted to +[428.080 --> 433.760] know can you fake it so you make it? Like can you do this just for a little while and actually +[433.760 --> 439.520] experience a behavioral outcome that makes you seem more powerful? So we know that our non-verbals +[439.520 --> 443.520] govern how other people think and feel about us. There's a lot of evidence. But our question really +[443.520 --> 450.640] was do our non-verbals govern how we think and feel about ourselves? There's some evidence that +[450.640 --> 458.080] they do. So for example, when we smile when we feel happy but also when we're forced to smile by +[458.080 --> 465.040] holding a pen in our teeth like this, it makes us feel happy. So it goes both ways. When it comes to +[465.040 --> 472.800] power, it also goes both ways. So when you feel powerful, you're more likely to do this, but it's +[472.800 --> 481.760] also possible that when you pretend to be powerful, you are more likely to actually feel powerful. +[482.720 --> 488.240] So the second question really was, you know, so we know that our minds change our bodies, +[488.240 --> 494.480] but is it also true that our bodies change our minds? And when I say minds in the case of the +[494.480 --> 499.600] powerful, what am I talking about? So I'm talking about thoughts and feelings and the sort of +[499.600 --> 504.080] physiological things that make up our thoughts and feelings. And in my case, that's hormones. +[504.080 --> 509.120] I look at hormones. So what do the minds of the powerful versus the powerless look like? +[510.080 --> 516.000] So powerful people tend to be not surprisingly more assertive and more confident, +[516.640 --> 520.720] more optimistic. They actually feel that they're going to win even at games of chance. +[522.240 --> 527.200] They also tend to be able to think more abstractly. So there are a lot of differences. They take +[527.200 --> 532.480] more risks. There are a lot of differences between powerful and powerless people. Physiologically, +[532.480 --> 538.080] there are also our differences. On two key hormones, testosterone, which is the dominant swarm +[538.080 --> 548.080] mong, and cortisol, which is the stress hormone. So what we find is that high power alpha-mails and +[548.080 --> 555.120] primate hierarchies have high testosterone and low cortisol. And powerful and effective leaders +[555.120 --> 560.640] also have high testosterone and low cortisol. So what does that mean? When do you think about power, +[560.640 --> 565.200] 10 people tended to think only about testosterone because that was about dominance. But really, +[565.200 --> 571.280] power is also about how you react to stress. So do you want the high power leader that's dominant, +[571.280 --> 576.720] high on testosterone, but really stress reactive? Probably not, right? You want the person who's +[576.720 --> 582.320] powerful and assertive and dominant, but not very stress reactive, the person who's laid back. So +[583.280 --> 592.000] we know that in primate hierarchies, if an alpha needs to take over, if an individual needs to take +[592.000 --> 597.520] over an alpha role, sort of suddenly, within a few days, that individual's testosterone has gone +[597.520 --> 603.840] up significantly and cortisol has dropped significantly. So we have this evidence, both that the body +[603.840 --> 610.720] can shape the mind at least at the facial level, and also that role changes can shape the mind. +[610.800 --> 616.240] So what happens? Okay, you take a role change. What happens if you do that at a really minimal level? +[616.240 --> 621.120] Like this tiny manipulation, this tiny intervention, for two minutes you say, I want you to stand +[621.120 --> 627.920] like this and it's going to make you feel more powerful. So this is what we did. We decided to +[627.920 --> 634.480] bring people into the lab and run a little experiment. And these people adopted for two minutes, +[635.040 --> 640.400] either high power poses or low power poses. And I'm just going to show you five of the poses, +[640.400 --> 649.920] although they took on only two. So here's one, a couple more. This one has been dubbed the Wonder Woman +[649.920 --> 656.480] by the media. Here are a couple more. So you can be standing or you can be sitting. And here are +[656.480 --> 663.680] the low power poses. So you're folding up, you're making yourself small. This one is very low power. +[663.680 --> 669.520] When you're touching your neck, you're really kind of protecting yourself. So this is what happens. +[669.520 --> 675.120] They come in, they spit into a vial. For two minutes say, you need to do this or this. They don't +[675.120 --> 679.040] look at pictures of the poses. We don't want to prime them with a concept of power. We want them to +[679.040 --> 684.640] be feeling power. So two minutes they do this, we then ask them how powerful do you feel on a +[684.640 --> 691.040] series of items. And then we give them an opportunity to gamble. And then we take another saliva sample. +[691.040 --> 695.600] That's it. That's the whole experiment. So this is what we find. Risk tolerance, which is the +[695.600 --> 702.960] gambling. What we find is that when you're in the high power pose condition, 86% of you will gamble. +[702.960 --> 707.520] When you're in the low power pose condition, only 60%. And that's a pretty whopping significant +[707.520 --> 714.160] difference. Here's what we find on testosterone. From their baseline, when they come in, high power +[714.160 --> 721.840] people experience about a 20% increase. And low power people experience about a 10% decrease. So +[721.840 --> 727.440] again, two minutes and you get these changes. Here's what you get on cortisol. High power people +[727.440 --> 734.560] experience about a 25% decrease. And the low power people experience about a 15% increase. +[734.560 --> 740.160] So two minutes lead to these hormonal changes that configure your brain to basically be either +[740.720 --> 747.520] assertive, confident, and comfortable or really stress reactive. And you know, feeling sort of +[747.520 --> 754.480] shut down. And we've all had that feeling, right? So it seems that our nonverbales do govern +[754.480 --> 758.320] how we think and feel about ourselves. So it's not just others, but it's also ourselves. +[759.120 --> 764.880] Also our bodies change our minds. But the next question of course is, can power posing for a few +[764.880 --> 769.840] minutes really change your life in meaningful ways? So this isn't a lab. It's this little task. +[769.840 --> 773.680] You know, it's just a couple of minutes. You know, where can you actually apply this, which we +[773.680 --> 780.160] cared about of course. And so we think it's really what matters. I mean, where you want to use +[780.160 --> 785.680] this is evaluative situations like social threat situations. Where are you being evaluated, +[785.680 --> 790.800] either by your friends like for teenagers at the lunchroom table. It could be, you know, for some +[790.800 --> 797.280] people speaking at a school board meeting, it might be giving a pitch or giving a talk like this +[797.280 --> 802.960] or doing a job interview. We decided that the one that most people could relate to because most +[802.960 --> 809.280] people had been through was the job interview. So we published these findings and the media are all +[809.280 --> 813.360] over it and they say, okay, so this is what you do when you go in for the job interview, right? +[814.800 --> 819.040] You know, so we were of course horrified and it said, oh my god, no, no, no, that's not what we meant +[819.040 --> 824.560] at all for numerous reasons. No, no, no, don't do that. Again, this is not about you talking to other +[824.560 --> 829.440] people. It's you talking to yourself. What do you do before you go into a job interview? You do this, +[829.440 --> 833.280] right? You're sitting down, you're looking at your iPhone or your Android and not trying to leave +[833.280 --> 838.160] anyone out. You are, you know, you're looking at your notes, you're hunting up, making yourself small +[838.160 --> 843.200] and really what you should be doing maybe is this like in the bathroom, right? Do that, fine two +[843.200 --> 848.480] minutes. So that's what we want to test, okay? So we bring people into a lab and they do a cup, +[848.480 --> 853.760] they do either higher low power poses again. They go through a very stressful job interview. It's +[853.760 --> 861.360] five minutes long. They are being recorded, they're being judged also and the judges are trained +[861.360 --> 866.640] to give no nonverbal feedback. So they look like this, like imagine this is the person interviewing +[866.640 --> 874.160] you. So for five minutes, nothing. And this is worse than being heckled. People hate this. It's +[874.160 --> 879.600] what, Mary Ann LeFrance calls standing in social quicksand. So this really spikes your cortisol. +[879.600 --> 883.120] So this is the job interview we put them through because we really wanted to see what happened. +[884.080 --> 888.960] We then have these coders look at these tapes for them. They're blind to the hypothesis, +[888.960 --> 895.360] they're blind to the conditions. They have no idea who's been posing in what pose and they end up +[896.160 --> 900.880] looking at these sets of tapes and they say, oh, we want to hire these people, all the high power +[900.880 --> 906.320] of posters. We don't want to hire these people. We also evaluate these people much more positively +[906.320 --> 912.800] overall. But what's driving it? It's not about the content of the speech. It's about the presence +[912.800 --> 916.560] that they're bringing to the speech. We also, because we rate them on all these variables related +[916.560 --> 920.800] to sort of confidence, like how well structured it is the speech, how good is it? What are their +[920.800 --> 926.480] qualifications? No effect on those things. This is what's affected. These kinds of things. +[926.480 --> 930.880] People are bringing their true selves, basically. They're bringing themselves. They bring their ideas, +[930.880 --> 938.240] but as themselves with no residue over them. So this is what's driving the effect or mediating the +[938.240 --> 945.440] effect. So when I tell people about this that our bodies change our minds and our minds can change +[945.440 --> 950.560] our behavior and our behavior can change our outcomes, they say to me, I don't, it feels fake, +[950.560 --> 956.720] right? So I said fake it till you make it. It's not me. I don't want to get there and then +[956.720 --> 960.880] still feel like a fraud. I don't want to feel like an imposter. I don't want to get there only to +[960.880 --> 967.040] feel like I'm not supposed to be here. And that really resonated with me because I want to tell you +[967.040 --> 972.320] a little story about being an imposter and feeling like I'm not supposed to be here. When I was 19, +[973.040 --> 978.400] I was in a really bad car accident. I was thrown out of a car, rolled several times. I was thrown +[978.400 --> 984.320] from the car and I woke up in a head injury rehab ward and I had been withdrawn from college. +[985.680 --> 993.360] And I learned that my IQ had dropped by two standard deviations, which was very traumatic. +[993.360 --> 998.240] I knew my IQ because I had identified with being smart and I had been called gifted as a child. +[998.240 --> 1002.800] So I'm taken out of college. I keep trying to go back. They say you're not going to finish college. +[1002.800 --> 1007.280] Like just, you know, there are other things for you to do, but that's not going to work out for you. +[1008.000 --> 1013.840] So I really struggled with this and I have to say, having your identity taken from you, your core +[1013.840 --> 1018.720] identity and for me it was being smart. Having that taken from you, there's nothing that leaves you +[1018.720 --> 1023.680] feeling more powerless than that. So I felt entirely powerless. I worked and worked and worked and I +[1023.680 --> 1029.120] got lucky and worked and got lucky and worked. Eventually I graduated from college. It took me four +[1029.120 --> 1036.560] years longer than my peers and I convinced someone, my angel advisor, Susan Fisk, to take me on. +[1036.560 --> 1041.760] And so I ended up at Princeton and I was like, I am not supposed to be here. I am an imposter. +[1042.240 --> 1046.080] And the night before my first year of talking, the first year of talking at Princeton is a 20-minute +[1046.080 --> 1052.640] talk to 20 people. That's it. I was so afraid of being found out the next day that I called her and +[1052.640 --> 1058.640] said, I'm quitting. She was like, you are not quitting because I took a gamble on you and you're staying. +[1058.640 --> 1062.880] You're going to stay and this is what you're going to do. You're going to fake it. You're going to +[1062.880 --> 1067.200] take, you're going to do every talk that you ever get asked to do. You're just going to do it and do +[1067.200 --> 1072.800] it and do it even if you're terrified and just paralyzed and having an out of body experience. +[1072.800 --> 1078.080] And until you have this moment where you say, oh my gosh, I'm doing it. I have become this. +[1078.080 --> 1082.880] I am actually doing this. So that's what I did. Five years in grad school. A few years, I'm at +[1082.880 --> 1088.240] Northwestern. I moved to Harvard. I'm at Harvard. I'm not really thinking about it anymore. But for a +[1088.240 --> 1092.640] long time, I had been thinking not supposed to be here. Not supposed to be here. So the end of my +[1092.640 --> 1099.680] first year at Harvard, a student who had not talked in class the entire semester who I'd said, +[1099.680 --> 1103.600] look, you've got to participate or else you're going to fail. Came into my office. I really didn't +[1103.600 --> 1110.960] know where it all. And she said, she came in totally defeated and she said, I'm not supposed to be here. +[1116.080 --> 1121.040] And that was the moment for me because two things happened. One was that I realized, oh my gosh, +[1121.040 --> 1126.080] I don't feel like that anymore. I don't feel that anymore. But she does. And I get that feeling. +[1126.080 --> 1131.360] And the second one, she is supposed to be here. Like she can fake it. She can become it. So I was like, +[1131.920 --> 1136.400] yes, you are. You are supposed to be here. And tomorrow you're going to fake it. You're going to make +[1136.400 --> 1149.680] yourself powerful. And you're going to go into the classroom. And you are going to give the best +[1149.680 --> 1155.200] comment ever. And she gave the best comment ever. And people turned around and they were like, oh my +[1155.200 --> 1161.120] god, I didn't even notice her sitting there. She comes back to me months later and I realized that +[1161.120 --> 1166.960] she had not just faked it until she made it. She had actually faked it until she became it. So she had +[1166.960 --> 1173.280] changed. And so I want to say to you, don't fake it until you make it. Fake it until you become it. +[1174.400 --> 1179.040] It's not do it enough until you actually become it and internalize. The last thing I'm going to +[1179.040 --> 1188.640] leave you with is this tiny tweaks can lead to big changes. So this is two minutes, two minutes, +[1188.640 --> 1193.440] two minutes, two minutes. Before you go into the next stressful evaluative situation, for two +[1193.440 --> 1198.720] minutes, try doing this in the elevator in a bathroom stall at your desk behind closed doors. +[1198.720 --> 1203.600] That's what you want to do. Get configure your brain to cope the best in that situation. Get your +[1203.600 --> 1208.800] testosterone up. Get your cortisol down. Don't leave that situation feeling like, oh, I didn't show +[1208.800 --> 1213.680] them who I am. Leave that situation feeling like, oh, I really feel like I got to say who I am and +[1213.680 --> 1222.240] show who I am. So I want to ask you first, you know, both to try power posing. And also, I want to +[1222.240 --> 1228.080] ask you to share this science because this is simple. I don't have ego involved in this. Give it +[1228.080 --> 1232.000] away. Like share it with people because the people who can use it the most are the ones with no +[1232.000 --> 1239.280] resources and no technology and no status and no power. Give it to them because they can do it +[1239.280 --> 1244.640] in private. They need their bodies, privacy and two minutes and it can significantly change the +[1244.640 --> 1255.360] outcomes of their life. Thank you. diff --git a/transcript/podcast_MyOyQzs0XTQ.txt b/transcript/podcast_MyOyQzs0XTQ.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..83674e30b710f0eadce684ff1d5d16309161f154 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_MyOyQzs0XTQ.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8 @@ +[0.000 --> 6.240] Anyway, lost very long. He sends me a text basically like telling me I think I'm better than everybody +[8.240 --> 13.280] Yeah, I didn't reach out. I didn't I didn't offer him like pimples or nothing like that +[13.360 --> 18.960] Yeah, but I'm like my thing like I'm a male you that to me that's impersonal if I was coming to your house +[19.200 --> 23.600] Like if I was coming to your house if you say your you know, my daughter's here and I'm coming to your crib +[23.680 --> 27.680] I'm gonna bring your daughter something about to say if you have a nice baby shower or something like that +[27.760 --> 29.760] I'm gonna show up and show out +[29.760 --> 33.040] I'm just not going to just mail you your ass inches of shit to your crib +[33.920 --> 36.560] What the fuck that don't make that didn't make sense to me diff --git a/transcript/podcast_RQYl-NEUgG8.txt b/transcript/podcast_RQYl-NEUgG8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..87d14e18d4ff4891da3133c0d2f51ac6701b0adc --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_RQYl-NEUgG8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,729 @@ +[0.000 --> 6.180] The man sat stoically at one end of the table, carefully crafting his replies to the FBI +[6.180 --> 7.860] agent's inquiries. +[7.860 --> 10.880] He wasn't considered a major suspect in the murder case. +[10.880 --> 16.440] His alibi was believable and he sounded sincere, but the agent pressed on nevertheless. +[16.440 --> 21.080] With the suspect's consent, he was asked a series of questions about the murder weapon. +[21.080 --> 23.680] If you had committed the crime, would you have used a gun? +[23.680 --> 26.320] If you had committed the crime, would you have used a knife? +[26.320 --> 29.400] If you had committed the crime, would you have used an ice pick? +[29.400 --> 32.880] If you had committed the crime, would you have used a hammer? +[32.880 --> 37.620] One of the weapons, the ice pick, had actually been used in the commission of the crime, +[37.620 --> 39.880] but that information had been kept from the public. +[39.880 --> 44.660] Thus, only the killer would know which object was the real murder weapon. +[44.660 --> 49.880] As the FBI agent went down the list of weapons, he observed the suspect carefully. +[49.880 --> 54.640] When the ice pick was mentioned, the man's eyelids came down hard and stayed down until +[54.640 --> 57.240] the next weapon was named. +[57.240 --> 62.440] The agent instantly understood the significance of the eyelid behavior he had witnessed. +[62.440 --> 67.640] And from that moment forward, the minor suspect became the primary person of interest in the +[67.640 --> 68.920] investigation. +[68.920 --> 71.720] He later confessed to the crime. +[71.720 --> 76.200] Chalk one up for Joan Navarro, a remarkable human being who, in addition to unmasking +[76.200 --> 82.000] the ice pick killer, is credited with catching scores of criminals, including master spies, +[82.000 --> 84.960] in a distinguished 25-year career with the FBI. +[84.960 --> 86.240] How was he able to do this? +[86.240 --> 92.760] If you asked him, he would quietly say, I owe it to being able to read people. +[92.760 --> 96.520] Joe, you have a skill that not many people have at its highest level. +[96.520 --> 103.280] Where did, when did you know you had this skill of being able to read people at a high level? +[103.280 --> 105.280] Wow, DJ. +[105.280 --> 110.440] First of all, thank you for having me on your program. +[110.440 --> 116.080] That's a difficult question to answer because at that high level, it took a while +[116.080 --> 117.080] to get there. +[117.080 --> 125.000] I remember, as a young man, my family came to the United States as refugees from Cuba. +[125.000 --> 126.720] I didn't speak English. +[126.720 --> 128.840] None of us did. +[128.840 --> 137.320] But it seemed to me as a child, as an eight-year-old, that body language was actually pretty reliable. +[137.320 --> 141.800] If kids wanted to play, they would welcome you with a smile. +[141.800 --> 149.120] If a star owner didn't appreciate you touching the toys and stuff, they would scowl at you +[149.120 --> 150.120] and so forth. +[150.120 --> 152.280] That was pretty authentic. +[152.280 --> 157.280] I relied on that a lot until I learned English. +[157.280 --> 166.800] But I also found that the consistency of non-verbals, that in almost any setting, no matter +[166.800 --> 174.720] who you were observing, whether it was people standing in line at the bus in Miami Beach, +[174.720 --> 180.000] I lived near 70thrd Street and there was a bus stop there and I'd watch them interact +[180.000 --> 186.280] with each other or sitting down to dinner. +[186.280 --> 193.520] There was a reliability to body language and I just seemed to be geared for that because +[193.520 --> 204.320] my mother would tell me, you were always sensitive to what everybody was feeling. +[204.320 --> 212.520] I think nowadays we would say, well, he showed empathic qualities as a kid. +[212.520 --> 213.560] You don't even know what that is. +[213.560 --> 221.200] I think as a kid, I'm really sensitive to making observations. +[221.200 --> 226.920] I think that nails it is just making observations and then trying to decipher it. +[226.920 --> 233.720] I think a lot of us see things but we don't really, really observe. +[233.720 --> 240.400] When we run into people that are really observant, they're the grandmother's that come up to +[240.400 --> 248.640] you and put an arm around you when you need it and so forth, they can make a big difference. +[248.640 --> 256.200] In life and then obviously over the years in my job and law enforcement, and I tell +[256.200 --> 263.360] this to young agents that I mentor now, I tell them, always remember, yeah, you have +[263.360 --> 268.880] a badge and you have credentials and all this stuff, but really what you are is a paid +[268.880 --> 276.320] observer and never forget that, that the best agents are the best observers and they're +[276.320 --> 282.560] not the biggest, not the strongest, but the guys that are really good at observing, +[282.560 --> 285.080] they're going to do terrific in their job. +[285.080 --> 287.160] So a very broad question to start you. +[287.160 --> 290.400] What does it mean to be a great observer? +[290.400 --> 291.400] What does that look like? +[291.400 --> 293.360] What are the characteristics to walk me through that? +[293.360 --> 296.800] I'm sure we can do a whole podcast probably just on that, but what does it look like? +[296.800 --> 298.080] Yeah, that would be fun. +[298.080 --> 304.600] I know you do a lot of work with the young people, but in essence, I think it is that most +[304.600 --> 307.440] of us are taught to look. +[307.440 --> 314.480] Even my parents who said, look left, look right before you cross the street, but observing +[314.480 --> 318.560] is a little bit more than that. +[318.560 --> 321.840] How fast is the vehicle traveling? +[321.840 --> 324.240] What kind of make is it? +[324.240 --> 332.680] Is it a sports car being driven by a teenager and of course now the thing I'm looking for +[332.680 --> 335.960] is are they on the phone? +[335.960 --> 346.280] Just the other day at a crosswalk, a pedestrian got hit by a slow moving car who was engaged +[346.280 --> 347.280] on the phone. +[347.280 --> 356.360] And so now we have to sort of enlarge what we're looking for, but observation is decoding. +[356.360 --> 357.920] It's not just looking. +[357.920 --> 367.000] It's really taking into account what we may take for granted, how that child walks with +[367.000 --> 370.080] the parent or the caregiver. +[370.080 --> 371.520] Are they being dragged? +[371.520 --> 381.880] Is the hold very tight or are they casually and relaxed walking with each other? +[381.880 --> 387.880] One of my classes I said, the simplest example is I say, when I see a person walking +[387.880 --> 390.920] with a dog, forget the dog. +[390.920 --> 396.600] Look at the tension that the dog walker has on the leash. +[396.600 --> 405.200] If that tension is high, you've got to worry because that energy is transferred. +[405.200 --> 411.600] And if that leash is nice and relaxed, you really never have to worry about the dog. +[411.600 --> 420.680] And so it's about making observations that are more detailed, but it's also DJ validating. +[420.680 --> 423.440] And that's one of the things I always emphasize. +[423.440 --> 427.680] You were nice enough to hold my book up earlier. +[427.680 --> 433.800] It doesn't matter that you read it, I want everybody to, if you read what everybody is saying, +[433.800 --> 434.800] that's great. +[434.800 --> 438.200] I want you to personally validate it. +[438.200 --> 443.360] Everyday validated so that you never have, like as myself, you know, how do you get to +[443.360 --> 445.040] that higher level? +[445.040 --> 448.440] When you validate it, you don't have to think about it. +[448.440 --> 458.000] If you realize that a certain behavior has a certain meaning or a collection of meanings, +[458.000 --> 459.000] right? +[459.000 --> 460.400] So you can furrow this area up here. +[460.400 --> 461.400] It's called a globela. +[461.400 --> 465.640] You can furrow it when you're focused, when you're thinking about something, when you're +[465.640 --> 471.880] troubled by something, when you're trying to decipher something or when you have issues +[471.880 --> 472.880] with somebody. +[472.880 --> 478.520] So now you have a constellation, but if you can go out and in context, validate it and say, +[478.520 --> 484.200] well, I've seen it before in this instance and this, then you never have to think about it. +[484.200 --> 493.320] It will literally, and I know you're an aficionado of non-verbals, it will literally run like +[493.320 --> 495.640] a software in the back of your mind. +[495.640 --> 501.040] You don't have to think about it as say, look, there's an issue here. +[501.040 --> 502.040] There's something else. +[502.040 --> 509.480] I may not know it precisely, but I know that at a minimum where we look for comfort and +[509.480 --> 512.120] discomfort, we're seeing discomfort. +[512.120 --> 514.920] And so there must be something behind it. +[514.920 --> 515.920] Yeah. +[515.920 --> 519.720] I'm talking to, you know, global leading experts like you and Voss and some of those guys, +[519.720 --> 524.400] I really like to start the conversation, Joe, with just demystifying some of the myths. +[524.400 --> 527.960] There's probably dozens, but if you were to come up with, let's say two or three of the +[527.960 --> 530.440] myths before we dive deeper into some of the content. +[530.440 --> 531.440] Sure. +[531.440 --> 533.200] Joe, what would those be, some of those myths? +[533.200 --> 534.200] Yeah. +[534.200 --> 537.480] And that's a question that I'm not asked often enough. +[537.480 --> 541.880] There's a lot of myths about body language that have been spread over the years. +[541.880 --> 546.840] The one you often hear is, well, if somebody's sitting there with their arms crossed, they +[546.840 --> 548.680] really don't want you to be there. +[548.680 --> 550.320] They're not comfortable with you. +[550.320 --> 552.840] Well, that's just nonsense. +[552.840 --> 558.520] The fact that we cross our arms is really a way of comforting ourselves. +[558.520 --> 565.360] I wrote an article for Psychology Today at their request and I said, look, most of the +[565.360 --> 572.440] time, this is a self-hug, itself comforting, even when we are angry, right? +[572.440 --> 579.440] We may do it, but we do it not to protect ourselves, but because it's comforting. +[579.440 --> 582.440] And so that's one of the myths. +[582.440 --> 588.920] The other myth is that if you touch your nose as you answer a question or you touch your +[588.920 --> 590.600] lips, you're lying. +[590.600 --> 598.160] And I literally remember a sergeant before I became an FBI agent. +[598.160 --> 602.000] I was a police officer and I went through the Utah Police Academy. +[602.000 --> 607.600] I remember a sergeant standing in front of this group of young police officers and saying, +[607.600 --> 608.600] absolutely true. +[608.600 --> 613.600] If they answer a question, they touch their nose or their mouth or their line. +[613.600 --> 614.840] Oh my gosh. +[614.840 --> 621.640] You know how much mental chlorox I had to use over the years to get that out of my mind, +[621.640 --> 623.640] because that was absolute. +[623.640 --> 625.640] I may have just coined something there. +[625.640 --> 628.680] I mean, it was like, get it out of your mind. +[628.680 --> 629.680] Get it out. +[629.680 --> 631.680] You know, it was nonsense. +[631.680 --> 634.400] And so there's a lot of myths about lying. +[634.400 --> 638.920] There's myths about that if somebody looks up into the lap and then looks to the right +[638.920 --> 642.320] that they're being deceptive. +[642.320 --> 649.040] There's been 27 studies as my good friend David Matsumoto out in San Francisco has pointed +[649.040 --> 653.480] out that say, you know, there's just no signs to that. +[653.480 --> 656.400] And you know, and we say, well, they're just myths. +[656.400 --> 667.760] Yeah, but myths are dangerous because, you know, I looked at 261 DNA exoneration. +[667.760 --> 672.920] And what's interesting about that, first of all, the initial work was done by other people. +[672.920 --> 678.880] I just followed up on it was that in looking at those cases, not one police officer could +[678.880 --> 686.360] identify the truth, but they were all convinced that these innocent people were lying. +[686.360 --> 693.760] And it's easy to point a finger at them, but I think it's because of what they were taught. +[693.760 --> 698.080] Because I remember going through the system where different police academies, they say, +[698.080 --> 704.440] oh, yeah, if they, if they avoid eye contact, they're lying or they're hiding something. +[704.440 --> 707.560] And I said, wait a, whoa, whoa, time out. +[707.560 --> 709.680] What are you talking about? +[709.680 --> 716.340] Let's think about African American children who are taught to look down and look +[716.340 --> 722.040] can try it when they are in the face of an authority figure. +[722.040 --> 726.640] Can you imagine if you attribute deception to that and what the ramifications are? +[726.640 --> 730.080] Yeah, actually, I can't imagine that. +[730.080 --> 736.240] And not realizing that they are being respectful by looking down and looking can try it. +[736.240 --> 739.240] The same thing with a lot of Latin American children. +[739.240 --> 745.400] I was brought up that if your father was chastising you, you better not be looking up at him +[745.400 --> 748.720] with an attitude. +[748.720 --> 759.840] And so myths are nothing to ignore because they can have consequences. +[759.840 --> 766.120] I remember post trial talking to some jurors. +[766.120 --> 768.760] This is after I retired. +[768.760 --> 773.680] And I was doing some consulting with some attorneys and come to find out that they had made +[773.680 --> 783.520] their decisions of guilt based on their beliefs that they couldn't see the person's hands. +[783.520 --> 787.400] And so they thought they were being deceptive. +[787.400 --> 791.480] And it's like, oh my goodness. +[791.480 --> 797.600] This has real world implications because a lot of us, when we're nervous, whether we're +[797.600 --> 802.120] innocent or guilty, most of us don't attend trial every day. +[802.120 --> 806.520] And so when you're called as a witness, you may be holding your hands rubbing them, clutching +[806.520 --> 812.920] which is a pacifying behavior, but to attach guilt to that. +[812.920 --> 817.920] Yeah, that it does have real world ramifications. +[817.920 --> 827.360] And it has real world ramifications for leaders that, you know, we say, you know, a leader +[827.360 --> 833.480] and, you know, this you've interviewed some of the some of the best how you snagged +[833.480 --> 834.480] them. +[834.480 --> 836.040] I that I want to know. +[836.040 --> 841.280] But, you know, these are not just thought leaders, but, but, you know, real executives +[841.280 --> 846.920] out there and they don't realize you're being watched every second. +[846.920 --> 850.760] You're being watched before you reach the building. +[850.760 --> 855.920] You're being watched when you're walking from the parking lot, when you're walking to get +[855.920 --> 863.440] a coffee while you are getting a coffee, you're being watched and people are drawing +[863.440 --> 866.480] inferences at best, right? +[866.480 --> 868.680] Because I teach we don't judge. +[868.680 --> 870.800] Our job is not to judge. +[870.800 --> 876.560] We draw inferences to see what information is being transmitted, but there are people +[876.560 --> 880.440] who make horrible judgments. +[880.440 --> 885.840] And, you know, and I'm just intolerant of that because I really jumped down. +[886.080 --> 890.840] On some of the people out there who claim to be body language experts and, and they're +[890.840 --> 895.720] making these really not very good judgments. +[895.720 --> 901.600] And I say, how dare you that the science doesn't even allow us to make those judgments. +[901.600 --> 908.480] All we can say is that we saw this behavior and it's either comfort or discomfort or +[908.480 --> 912.080] there's confidence or lack thereof. +[912.080 --> 919.080] For leaders, you have to remember there are a lot of myths out there and you may be walking +[919.080 --> 925.920] down the hallway thinking about something, but what are the, what kind of assessment are +[925.920 --> 930.520] making, are people making as, as they're walking down the hallway? +[930.520 --> 932.800] So it's an important question. +[932.800 --> 937.720] I wish more people would ask me that because the consequences are, are profound. +[937.880 --> 941.960] Yeah, it sounds to me like there isn't a one size fits all. +[941.960 --> 944.480] There is a one rule that matches for everything. +[944.480 --> 948.040] Somebody's cross arms could mean something is somebody different, just like the word family +[948.040 --> 950.240] means something for somebody differently. +[950.240 --> 954.840] So, so then I'm curious, if that's the truth on there is no one size fits all. +[954.840 --> 958.880] I can only imagine Joe, that makes your job 10x harder. +[958.880 --> 960.080] I'm curious. +[960.080 --> 964.560] What's the most, what was the most challenging part of your job knowing that not, there's +[964.560 --> 967.240] not one size fits all when you see this red flag. +[967.240 --> 968.080] That means he's lying. +[968.080 --> 969.080] That's not true. +[969.080 --> 971.200] So what was the biggest challenge for you? +[971.200 --> 980.360] Well, the challenge is always, number one is, you know, you hate it when you, when you're +[980.360 --> 984.680] just given a photograph and I get these all the time, I get, I get emails from all over +[984.680 --> 985.680] the world. +[985.680 --> 988.240] My, my, my interns hate it. +[988.240 --> 991.760] It's like you got another one and, and, and they're funny. +[991.760 --> 998.920] It's a woman and a man or, or two women together, whatever and say, can you tell if my boyfriend +[998.920 --> 1001.040] or my girlfriend really loves me? +[1001.040 --> 1002.840] No, I can't. +[1002.840 --> 1015.520] No, if I could, I wouldn't have to write books, but, you know, you, they, they just want the, +[1015.520 --> 1024.720] the impossible, but in my job, you sometimes have very few seconds to, to draw an inference. +[1024.720 --> 1026.720] I'll give you an example. +[1026.720 --> 1033.320] A, a, I'm interviewing a, a subject, or he wasn't even as a subject. +[1033.320 --> 1036.800] He was actually at the time considered a witness. +[1036.800 --> 1043.480] And so we go to, to, to his house and I, you probably read it and he's, he's smoking +[1043.480 --> 1044.480] a cigarette. +[1044.480 --> 1049.620] Oh, aren't there Facebook or something like that? +[1049.620 --> 1053.100] I'm not sure. +[1053.100 --> 1059.020] I can help you if you need anything. +[1059.020 --> 1065.540] And it like, I can, I can leave the private ring side, I don't know. +[1065.540 --> 1067.280] What are you started to. +[1067.280 --> 1071.620] Pe, man I know, when he used to, I thought, you're getting smart is converting this. +[1071.620 --> 1079.160] way, but you know, the cigarette shakes every time I mention this guy's name. Now, the job +[1079.160 --> 1085.420] is on me. I'm getting paid to observe, but then as every executive knows, one thing is +[1085.420 --> 1092.700] making an observation. Now, what do I do with it? And so my, you know, my follow up was, +[1092.700 --> 1098.520] well, what does that really mean a shaking cigarette? Is that mean that they went out +[1098.520 --> 1105.000] partying together? Did they, you know, were they taking, because at the military, at the +[1105.000 --> 1113.120] time in Germany, the guys would get the men and the women, the guys, they would, they would +[1113.120 --> 1119.120] all get like a, like a food stamp supplement so that they could buy things that were higher +[1119.120 --> 1125.320] price on the economy and so forth. Sometimes they would sell those to, to, to civilians, +[1125.320 --> 1132.120] which is illegal, but, um, and so you, you just don't know what's going on, but you know, +[1132.120 --> 1142.120] it registered as nervous, nervousness in, in his hand. And so the, the hard part is, now +[1142.120 --> 1147.480] what do I do with that? And so you, but you, what, what I found out is back away, get them +[1147.480 --> 1154.000] to relax again and try to get more context. One, were you there? Where did you serve? +[1154.000 --> 1159.680] Was your income, things like that? Test it again and see if it causes stress again. And +[1159.680 --> 1170.640] in this case, it, it, it did. And, but you have to be careful how, how far you, you go in +[1170.640 --> 1175.920] making that assessment. Certainly, I didn't think he was lying. I, I wouldn't know. I don't +[1175.920 --> 1181.680] know anything about him. Certainly, I didn't think there was anything nefarious. All I know +[1181.840 --> 1187.760] is that the mention of a name caused psychological discomfort. So the only thing you're left with, +[1188.720 --> 1194.800] I'll just talk to him again. And if he'll have me, which he, which he gladly did, is I'll, +[1194.800 --> 1200.800] I'll come back and talk to him some more. And, uh, and in those conversations, I, it just, +[1200.800 --> 1209.840] I looked out, he happened to reveal by showing off that, um, the money that he was spending on +[1209.840 --> 1218.720] parties and drugs and alcohol and so forth, exceeded his $89 a month from the military. And, +[1219.280 --> 1225.680] as we say in the FBI, we call that a clue. So the question is, where is he getting that money from? +[1226.400 --> 1232.480] And, um, and so one thing led to another. And so when I, you know, one ideal, in fact, I was just +[1232.480 --> 1239.760] in New York the other day coaching a very senior executive, I said, be careful what you do. +[1239.840 --> 1246.880] With his knowledge that you're getting until you've learned to validate it. But never assume that +[1246.880 --> 1253.760] you know the answer. And that you can never know. You can see somebody who is sullen and walking +[1253.760 --> 1260.400] stoically quietly. They may just have lost somebody in their family. Do not assume that, oh, +[1260.400 --> 1267.360] they're, they must be up to, uh, something and so forth. So I, I think for me and what I teach +[1267.360 --> 1274.720] and what I coach is use it as an opportunity to get the know the person, explore further, um, be +[1274.720 --> 1283.360] empathetic. Um, even with criminals, um, I, I remember a two and a half hour, no, it's almost +[1283.360 --> 1292.400] three hour drive from Kingman, Arizona, back to Phoenix with a pedophile. Um, and, uh, and I remember +[1293.280 --> 1299.200] half of my brain is saying, okay, this, this person is, is really bad. He'd already been convicted. He +[1299.200 --> 1307.280] had just run away. But the other half of me said, be empathetic. He's a human being. And listen to +[1307.280 --> 1313.520] what he has to say. And in doing that, he actually revealed things that we didn't know anything about. +[1314.240 --> 1321.040] So I, I think we can use, uh, the way I use non-verbal, I get this question all the time. Are you +[1321.040 --> 1330.880] analyzing me? No. No. I mean, part of me wants to joke and say, sorry, you're not that important. +[1332.720 --> 1340.640] But we're all important. Uh, but I say, but I am constantly aware of whether you're comfortable or +[1340.640 --> 1349.360] uncomfortable. That, of that, you can be assured of. And, and if we use that to the further communication, +[1350.080 --> 1356.000] and, and make sure that people are always comfortable to talk to, to communicate their sentiments. +[1356.640 --> 1362.000] Um, and that's really how I use it. I do not, you know, I want the public to understand this. I don't +[1362.000 --> 1368.720] sit there and think about whether somebody is lying or not. That is the last thing I do. That's the +[1368.720 --> 1376.640] last thing I did as an agent because you just never know. But if you just focus on, are we communicating +[1376.640 --> 1385.280] in harmony? Do I sense that there's an issue? Do I sense that something is off? Then that's an +[1385.280 --> 1395.280] opportunity for me to, uh, explore and communicate. And, and I may never know what it was. But if you're, +[1395.280 --> 1401.600] if you're that sensitive, you'd be amazed at, um, at how far you, you, you, you'll get. And, +[1402.240 --> 1408.320] honestly, I attribute that every bit of my success in my career and not the cleverness, +[1409.040 --> 1414.640] but to a skill set that somehow I manage to acquire without really, uh, ever trying. +[1415.360 --> 1419.920] I think it speaks volumes, Joe, to you as a guy of your caliber to say the words don't assume +[1419.920 --> 1425.680] because you've probably seen several different, or several of the same types of scenarios. It would +[1425.680 --> 1430.000] be easy for you to assume, you know, the cigarette is shaking. He's lying. He's a criminal blah blah blah. +[1430.000 --> 1434.400] But, but you take, you said the opposite. You said I take a step back and actually start asking +[1434.400 --> 1438.880] more questions. When I talked to Abby about this, this was actually interesting for me as I began +[1438.880 --> 1442.640] my public speaking career about a year ago. One of the things I was struggling with Joe is that +[1442.640 --> 1447.680] I said, I said to Abby, it seemed like my audience in, in granted, they are kids, but they just +[1447.680 --> 1453.360] stare at me blankly. There's no head tilt. There's no nodding. They just, and they're just high +[1453.360 --> 1458.000] school kids, right? And my part of it is what I told Abby was I feel like they're bored or they're +[1458.080 --> 1463.040] not engaged or listening. And she said, don't assume that because sometimes when people are deeply +[1463.040 --> 1466.880] concentrating, they don't have a lot of facial expressions. They might be still like they're just +[1466.880 --> 1471.360] looking ahead at you. So that, that was a huge eye opening experience for me to understand. And +[1471.360 --> 1474.800] it also took away the jitters of, how are they feeling? I don't know how they're feeling. Now, +[1474.800 --> 1478.800] take it, take it with some positivity. They're just concentrated. So the assumption is big. +[1479.520 --> 1486.800] DJ, of all the crowds you took on high school kids are the toughest. No, they're, +[1487.680 --> 1496.880] buddy, you should have called me first because I, you know, I've been giving speeches for 40 years +[1496.880 --> 1502.320] and I still find them tough. You know, you're talking about Dr. Abby Madonio, who's absolutely +[1502.320 --> 1509.120] brilliant. And she's exactly right. You have to remember these kids have to sit in a classroom all day +[1509.200 --> 1518.000] where basically there is no reward for, you know, any behavior other than sitting still +[1518.800 --> 1526.880] and, and, and, мойantly looking at the teacher, I cannot. It's almost instilled. I remember in high +[1526.880 --> 1534.240] school, I, you know, I, we had these great windows and I was just fascinated by what was going on +[1534.240 --> 1542.160] outside the classroom. And boy, I would be reeled in like a Marlin. Mr. Navarro, oh, here we go. +[1542.160 --> 1550.720] You know, I straight ahead. Please sit up and, you know, that explains a lot of my neuroses right +[1550.720 --> 1559.600] right there. But, but she's right. You shouldn't assume that because, especially when you see that +[1559.600 --> 1565.600] you have a room full of people that are like this and you realize, okay, what's the age group? +[1566.800 --> 1572.400] This age group is still learning how to comport themselves. They know how to comport themselves +[1572.400 --> 1578.000] around each other. They know how to comport themselves when they're out playing. The fact that +[1578.000 --> 1586.000] there's in front of a speaker, they probably haven't figured out what is, what is the best way to do +[1586.080 --> 1593.680] that and they will achieve that. But you're right. It's, we have to be careful with, with assumptions. +[1593.680 --> 1600.080] And we have to be, I'll be honest, we have to be careful with the sort of gurus that are out there +[1600.800 --> 1608.880] who are saying, oh, well, you know, when, when, when the, when the Sussexes go out for a walk, +[1609.440 --> 1615.680] Prince Harry and, and they're grabbing each other's hands, it means this or that. I have heard +[1615.840 --> 1623.760] I have to be careful with my language. I have heard so much rubbish. In the last few years +[1623.760 --> 1632.400] over these inane comments, the fact of the matter is that all we can say is they like the hold hands, +[1632.400 --> 1642.560] they touch hands, that, you know, when we don't like each other, we tend to distance ourselves or +[1642.560 --> 1650.800] we touch with fingertips, but when hands are intertwined in all likelihood, you know, people are +[1650.800 --> 1656.480] getting along just fine. But some of the stuff that that is out there. So we have to deal with +[1657.920 --> 1663.760] coming to the wrong assessment because we don't understand all the facts. It's like, like, those +[1663.760 --> 1671.280] photos I told you about. And I try to explain to them, we don't know what happened five seconds before +[1671.280 --> 1679.600] or 20 minutes before. For all we know when this picture was taken at the beach, they had problems +[1679.600 --> 1684.480] parking because the meter working and they're worried about the meter made coming and they just want +[1684.480 --> 1690.960] to take a, you know, you know, on and on and on. But I think the best thing that we can do, and I +[1690.960 --> 1700.400] know, and I can't wait for your book to come out. I hope it's okay to mention that, is observe the +[1700.400 --> 1708.720] world with with the eyes of a child, which in essence is what I do. I am still utterly curious, +[1709.920 --> 1723.840] childlike, and learn to, you know, interpret the world to ask questions and and seek to decode, +[1724.480 --> 1735.040] well, why does it do that? Or why is that this way? Not to be judgmental, but want to satisfy +[1735.040 --> 1744.160] curiosity, but also to be more aligned in understanding what another person is going through. +[1745.680 --> 1752.480] Then I think we're more effective communicators. You know, Amy Cuddy, who's a good friend of mine, +[1752.480 --> 1761.120] she's a lovely human being and I've enjoyed her support over the years at Harvard where I used to +[1761.120 --> 1773.200] go every year. She says, you know, nothing is as satisfactory as a leader than strength, right? +[1774.160 --> 1783.120] And empathy. In essence, if I if I am capturing her sentiments on that, the combination of you can +[1783.120 --> 1790.560] rely on me. I will run interference for you as a leader. I'm not going to hover over you, but I will +[1790.560 --> 1797.760] run interference for you so that you can succeed, but I will also be empathetic and I will understand +[1797.760 --> 1802.560] that there will be failure. I understand there will be mistakes. I understand that at times you will +[1802.560 --> 1810.400] be exhausted and at times you will need somebody to put their arm around you. Those two qualities? Wow. +[1812.480 --> 1820.080] You know, you think about a great leader. There you go. There you go. Because often we think, oh, +[1820.080 --> 1828.560] you know, they shaved 10% in in in in costs. They were able to fire all these people. They were +[1828.560 --> 1838.000] able to do this and to that. That's only one facet of of of of being a good human. You know, +[1839.840 --> 1847.440] the other quality of of a great leader. And people forget this and I think DJ, especially with the +[1847.440 --> 1855.520] young people that you deal a lot with is one of the tasks of a great leader is to attenuate fear +[1855.760 --> 1863.200] that we all have fear. Now we don't say it because my gosh, you know, hear him a man in my suit and I +[1863.200 --> 1868.960] I don't fear anything. Yeah, I actually fear a lot of things, but I don't say it. Most people don't say it. +[1869.760 --> 1878.320] And but the great leader is looking out for because the brain only understands fear, right? The +[1878.320 --> 1884.080] amygdala is looking for things that can hurt you and so it deals with fear. It doesn't deal with +[1884.080 --> 1893.520] nuance. And the leader, right? I remember, you know, reading about Eisenhower, Supreme Allied +[1893.520 --> 1899.280] Commander of Europe and he he's going out there to the airborne troops that are first going to +[1899.280 --> 1907.600] drop in in France. And he understands fear. He was a soldier. And by his calm demeanor, he comes out +[1907.600 --> 1914.960] and says, boys, you know, everything's going to, you know, we'll we'll get through this. We'll +[1914.960 --> 1922.320] work this out at a great calming effect. Alexander the great did the same thing. The great leader +[1923.120 --> 1929.920] is empathetic and understands that one of his jobs is to deal with fear. Hey, we're going to be +[1929.920 --> 1935.840] taken over by another company deal with the fear. There's an acquisition deal with the +[1937.680 --> 1944.640] with with with that right, you know, teach them to write it out and be at the forefront +[1945.920 --> 1954.080] of doing that. And those are great attributes for leadership. And for young people to know that +[1955.520 --> 1961.120] yeah, you know, you're looking today's class is we're going to climb a rope. Well, +[1961.120 --> 1966.560] I remember the first time I climbed a rope and I said, why are we doing that? Earth is perfectly fine. +[1968.560 --> 1979.520] Para firma is good. Most animals are just fine on earth. Why are we going to I think it was 27 +[1979.520 --> 1990.560] feet up. It is like little hands big rope. That sometimes we need somebody to put their hand on us +[1990.560 --> 1997.120] and say it's going to be all right. You can do it. You can do it. And I think that's a great +[1997.120 --> 2003.600] sign of a great leader. As you were talking about childlike curiosity. I'm over here nodding and +[2003.600 --> 2008.880] smiling because Joe, I teach what's called seven tactical skills of mental performance. And the +[2008.880 --> 2013.440] first skill is curiosity. I believe in asking better questions to get better answers. Now, +[2013.440 --> 2018.800] important that is. So that's skill number one. Yeah. The seventh skill that I really want to +[2018.800 --> 2025.760] get in with you today is unshakable self confidence. Now, when I'm working with high school athletes, +[2025.760 --> 2030.960] the thing that I see and hear the most is I'm just not confident whether it's in school, +[2030.960 --> 2036.880] whether it's at home or more most commonly on the field of play. Yeah. I'm curious. One of my +[2036.880 --> 2040.080] mentors, Brian Keynes, a mental performance coach, and something that he always talks about +[2040.080 --> 2044.480] body language is that it's important to be big tall and bulletproof. And I've kind of been using +[2044.480 --> 2049.520] that from him. And he says the focus is really on the idea that the mind will follow the body. So +[2049.520 --> 2054.960] if you want to be confident, you just need to act confident. It's not a feeling it's instead +[2054.960 --> 2060.320] an action. So I just want to really dive into this topic with you. Confidence for kids, +[2060.320 --> 2066.240] confidence for athletes. Can you influence it by your body language? And if so, what does that look +[2066.240 --> 2076.320] like? What it looks like and it looks like to me is it's both body and mind. You know, your, +[2077.520 --> 2083.600] we know this from the 1800s where people who worked in factories at the end of the day, +[2084.960 --> 2089.120] they, they're, their hands and arms would continue to do the repetitive gestures. +[2091.120 --> 2097.280] You know, because now you had this muscle memory. And I think it's a combination of things. +[2097.280 --> 2102.400] I remember as an agent going through the FBI Academy and I know there's been a lot of shows about +[2102.400 --> 2110.400] that. And, you know, and the first time you're told to do a dynamic entry into a dark room where +[2110.400 --> 2114.640] you can't see anything and they say, well, you have to go in quickly and hit the corners because +[2114.640 --> 2120.640] the bad guys can sit in the corner. And I'm thinking, yeah, well, what about if he's right? +[2120.640 --> 2126.080] And for, you know, my, your mind starts going there. So you have this tremendous lack of confidence. +[2127.120 --> 2134.560] And we had really good instructors and they, and, and they said, we're going to walk through it. +[2135.920 --> 2142.960] And in every and, and then when I became, came on to the SWAT team in, in Puerto Rico and then +[2142.960 --> 2151.200] became SWAT team commander, I said, we did this methodically is we walk through it, walk through +[2151.200 --> 2161.120] everything that you do. And I remember in football practice at, and, and Miami, that oftentimes we would, +[2161.120 --> 2166.400] the coach would have us to walk us through it. And I think it helps, especially young people, +[2167.120 --> 2175.280] to walk through what you're going to do. Let the brain experience, left foot forward, right foot +[2175.280 --> 2183.040] forward, arms coming up, whatever it is that you're, you're going to do. I have seen volleyball +[2183.040 --> 2191.040] coaches, especially in some Brazilian coaches when I was a station in Brazil, where they would not +[2191.040 --> 2201.600] let players play with the ball. Well, it is like, wait, volleyball? No, you're going to pretend +[2201.600 --> 2208.080] the ball is coming. You're going to walk to it. Your arms are going to go forward. Your hands +[2208.080 --> 2217.360] are going to be placed precisely. And so it's this precise precision repetitive building up. +[2218.080 --> 2227.040] And I think that goes a long way to building both the confidence. Your brain is reinforced. +[2228.480 --> 2235.440] Positively every time you do it. And then once you have that, that confidence and, and you have +[2235.440 --> 2244.000] that muscle memory, then comes the speed. And then comes the speed. And, and now the, the fact that +[2244.080 --> 2250.800] you can transact this perfectly, you're not getting yelled at by, oh, that was a lousy tackle. Well, +[2250.800 --> 2256.960] if you had showed me how to do a good tackle, I wouldn't be doing a bad one. +[2258.080 --> 2264.880] But, you know, this is called myelination. So myelination, the neurons in the, the, the, the +[2264.880 --> 2272.880] connections between areas of the brain, the more you do something, right, and you do it right, +[2273.520 --> 2279.280] the stronger the connection is called myelination. But if you're doing it wrong, you can have a strong +[2280.000 --> 2286.800] myelination. But you're going to be a lousy out. You've been coached the wrong way. And now to +[2286.800 --> 2294.320] break from that is terrible. So I think the easiest way for young people is let's start by walking +[2294.320 --> 2301.600] through it, building that confidence. I, I talked to a lot of executives who hate, right, they're +[2301.600 --> 2308.560] really good at what they do, but they hate public speaking. And I, and, you know, I said, +[2308.560 --> 2316.240] well, I've got this 30 minute speech. I go 30 minute speech, buddy. Why, why would you start with +[2316.240 --> 2324.080] a 30 minute speech? That's like putting you in an F1 series vehicle. How about we rehearse the first +[2324.080 --> 2332.240] line? Let's get the first line right. I remember coaching attorneys and they said, well, yeah, +[2332.240 --> 2341.360] you know, I want to, I want to rehearse with a mock jury, the, my, my, my, we want to do a complete +[2341.360 --> 2349.600] trial. No, we're not. No, we're not. First of all, you bore me. And second of all, you're going to +[2349.600 --> 2356.320] bore the audience. I said, how about we try a 12 minute opening statement? And if you can succeed +[2356.320 --> 2362.880] with that, then then we'll go forward. And that's exactly what we did. I refuse to go through a +[2362.880 --> 2370.400] complete mock trial because if you can't get the opening statement right and, you know, have the +[2370.400 --> 2376.960] confidence, one of the one and you might find this helpful. One of the things I tell young people +[2376.960 --> 2383.120] is let's say you're, you're called up to, to, to, to say something in front of a group and you're +[2383.120 --> 2390.800] not prepared. Just tell yourself. Number one, nobody wants me to fail because they, that could be them. +[2391.600 --> 2400.720] Number two, think of something that is true and accurate. Okay. Something that is true and +[2400.720 --> 2413.920] accurate. Fact. Right. And number three, think about how I want to say that. Do I want to say it +[2413.920 --> 2425.520] quietly or as a bullet point, you know, like you could say, did, did you know that orcas are +[2425.520 --> 2434.640] actually dolphins. Okay. Figure out how you want to say it. And that's it. That's all you need to +[2434.640 --> 2440.160] do. And if you can just do that with one fact and with how you want to deliver it, +[2442.720 --> 2450.080] everything else can follow because your brain will have confidence from being able to deliver +[2450.160 --> 2459.040] that one thing. And, and I, I, I, I, I have found with, with people who struggle with that, that, +[2459.040 --> 2464.720] that, it actually helps them. Yeah. I'm a big believer that we can use our body language as our +[2464.720 --> 2468.000] advantage. It doesn't have to be a disadvantage. We can actually use this as our advantage. And +[2468.000 --> 2472.000] I don't know if there's science behind it, Joe or not, but I like to think that we can actually alter +[2472.000 --> 2477.600] our physiology by the way we portray ourselves. And first athletes that I work with, some of the +[2477.600 --> 2484.400] things we talk about or I like to get into and explore is not showing weakness because your bodies +[2484.400 --> 2489.280] will buy into that. And, you know, if you have your head down or you know, you have that furl, +[2489.280 --> 2493.920] your, your physiology is going to follow it. So can I agree? Can we use our body language from an +[2493.920 --> 2498.720] athletic standpoint? Can we use our body language as an advantage instead, even though I'm dog tired +[2498.720 --> 2503.440] in my heart and I know my lungs are breathing. But instead, Joe, I show big body language. And +[2503.440 --> 2508.880] that can change my physiology. There's, there's an easy one. Here's an easy one. And you're exactly +[2508.880 --> 2514.000] right, DJ. And I, you know, I've, I've looked at your stuff and it's, and it's solid. +[2516.160 --> 2521.120] Get that high school team. When you go out, I know you're going to be looking down at the ground +[2521.120 --> 2525.280] because you're used to looking out down at the ground. I want you to look at the ground. I want +[2525.280 --> 2533.920] you to look at the highest bleacher as you run out. And what you find is they feel different. +[2535.360 --> 2543.760] They feel different. And, you know, there've been different social experiments where, you know, +[2543.760 --> 2550.480] you, you put a pencil in somebody's, a cross on mouth and it, it's similar. It's a smiling. And +[2550.480 --> 2554.800] then all of a sudden, when you ask them, how do you feel? They, you know, they rate themselves higher +[2554.800 --> 2565.280] and so forth. You can definitely change your body chemistry, right? You can definitely change +[2565.280 --> 2571.760] how you feel about something by how you carry yourself. The coach saying, we are not looking down. +[2571.760 --> 2578.640] We, ladies and gentlemen, do not look down. We look forward or we look up and we run out and we +[2578.640 --> 2589.120] sprint. And in fact, the, the, the physicality of it displaces all that fear and apprehension. +[2590.640 --> 2598.160] One of the exercises that I, I have people do when, which goes to this is like, if, if, if you're +[2598.160 --> 2602.240] in the green room waiting to go give a speech and you're getting really nervous and so forth, +[2603.200 --> 2608.720] stop thinking about it. Find a wall, lean into it like you're holding up a van that's about +[2608.720 --> 2616.000] the tip over and try to hold that position for about 15 seconds. And what you find is the +[2616.000 --> 2622.880] brain can only deal with one thing at a time. And it goes from worrying to survival. And the minute +[2622.880 --> 2629.760] it goes to survival, all of a sudden, there's an exp, a cascade of chemicals that are released +[2630.720 --> 2637.760] would say your muscles need more energy. You need blood sugar. You need, you know, all this stuff. +[2637.760 --> 2644.000] And now all of a sudden, you, you feel differently. And after about 12 seconds, you step on +[2644.000 --> 2650.800] that as like, well, you know, worrying isn't my priority anymore. Now I'm, I'm maybe even sweating +[2650.800 --> 2657.360] as so forth. Your physiology has changed your, your, your brain has changed. There's a lot of +[2657.440 --> 2663.840] things you're absolutely right, DJ. There's a lot of things that we can do. But obviously nothing is +[2663.840 --> 2670.640] as powerful as preparation, nothing is, is as powerful as rehearsal. And I remember being on the +[2670.640 --> 2680.480] SWAT team. And we had a, a, a SWAT operation in Lakeland. And I remember we're taking string out +[2680.480 --> 2686.960] and we're putting it underground to diagram the hotel room. And we're about a mile away +[2686.960 --> 2694.960] and we're actually walking through rehearsing how we're going to capture this top top 10 fugitive +[2695.920 --> 2701.680] so that nobody gets hurt. And we, you know, it's like, you know, we train every month. Why are we doing +[2701.680 --> 2711.040] this? Exactly. Because by doing it, it calms us down. It prepares us. It makes us think. And it +[2711.040 --> 2720.800] actually helps the mind to relax. And, and so we never stop rehearsing. I remember I was in, +[2720.800 --> 2729.520] I was in Las Vegas years ago. And I met a gentleman who was kind enough to, well, I won't say who +[2729.520 --> 2736.320] the comedian is, but he had a run it, he had for 11 years, he had the number one show. And I didn't +[2736.320 --> 2742.400] know what to, he introduced me to him. I don't know what to say, you know, I'm saying, I am Joe. And, +[2742.400 --> 2752.480] and, and I said, I, yeah, and I, well, I'll, I'll say it. I said, Mr. Mr. Seinfeld, I said, +[2753.920 --> 2760.960] do you ever get nervous? And he said something on there, forget. He said, a, a comedian that is not +[2760.960 --> 2770.480] nervous is not funny. Think, think about that. If you're not nervous, if you're not a little bit +[2770.480 --> 2777.280] on that edge, you're winging it, you're taking your audience for granted, you're, you're just, you're +[2777.280 --> 2786.160] not going to cut it. And it doesn't matter how experienced you are. Now, it doesn't mean nervousness +[2786.160 --> 2793.360] to the point where it inhibits your, your performance, because one of the things I found, especially +[2793.360 --> 2801.200] with the SWAT teams, that as, as we got ready to go from, from yellow to green. So now we have the +[2801.200 --> 2809.200] authority to move forward is that we would actually become calmer. Because now we need to use all +[2809.200 --> 2816.640] our senses. So now our, our, our movements are smoother. We're taking our time. We want to make +[2816.640 --> 2824.640] sure nobody gets hurt. And, and you actually, as a lot of sports, well, you talk to a lot of sports +[2824.640 --> 2831.200] of people, tell you, they get in the zone. You get in the, ill-defined, but you get in the zone, +[2831.200 --> 2837.440] where you're not going to let anything bother you. But you're not doing things, you're not being +[2837.440 --> 2844.720] jittery or being erratic in any way. Yeah. But then I really love from your book, the most +[2844.720 --> 2849.040] honest part of the body is the lower body. I thought this was very interesting. And ever since +[2849.040 --> 2853.760] reading a joke being at the gym, where I spend most of my time just watching people's lower body, +[2853.760 --> 2859.120] it is actually for the listeners out there, take some time to watch it because it's comical, man. +[2859.120 --> 2862.640] Some people, I found some people, they, something I see a lot that I never thought I'd see, they +[2862.640 --> 2867.040] cross their legs when they stand. I'm like, thinking to myself, like, why is that comfortable? But +[2867.040 --> 2871.440] I've seen it time and time again. And then the other one that I really want to just crash with you is, +[2871.440 --> 2875.760] this is so interesting. I mean, I find myself doing it too, Joe. And I almost feel wrong doing it now. +[2875.760 --> 2881.680] But having conversations with people and instead of facing each other, Joe, we're slightly 45 +[2881.680 --> 2886.880] doubt and we're looking at the weight room. It doesn't even, what I even watching anything, it's not +[2886.880 --> 2891.440] like we're watching a game. We're just, we're just not facing each other. And it sounds so silly when +[2891.440 --> 2895.200] you start to talk about these things, but they're real. Talk to me about why the lower body is so +[2895.200 --> 2902.160] honest and what can my listeners learn? Yeah. Yeah. That last example is that because you're comfortable +[2902.160 --> 2908.560] around each other, you can have, you can have that high degree of comfort where you don't have to +[2908.560 --> 2916.800] look at each other, study after study, elder, free out of Europe, found that people who lie actually +[2916.800 --> 2922.240] engage in more eye contact because they want to make sure you get it. So with your friends and +[2922.240 --> 2927.120] buddies, you can afford to, my neighbor and I went every time we're talking about baseball and +[2927.120 --> 2932.800] said, we're both looking in the distance. We're not even looking at each other. But to answer the +[2932.800 --> 2941.600] question, why the feet are so honest is because our faces have social contracts for, for eternity. +[2942.560 --> 2949.680] We have looked at each other's faces to determine, you know, are you smiling? Are you approachable +[2949.680 --> 2958.000] and so forth? But the feet are more concerned with survival. And so we evolve to, so that the feet +[2958.000 --> 2964.640] will always react to our benefit. So we may see somebody we don't like, but we'll go, +[2964.640 --> 2970.000] hi, how are you? But your feet are not, don't have that social contract. They're concerned with +[2970.000 --> 2979.360] survival. So your brain says, face away, turn your feet away. And so the feet are very honest when +[2979.360 --> 2986.240] we're happy, tell a child down the street, some, you know, these kids, when they get a new gift or +[2986.240 --> 2991.040] you know, something, you can look at their feet and they get happy feet, right? You can see the +[2991.040 --> 2995.680] emotions. You can see when they're having a tough day, you can see when they don't want to go, +[2996.640 --> 3006.880] they literally drag the feet are so honest, the face can be very dishonest as every poker player knows +[3006.880 --> 3014.400] and so forth. But the feet don't know how to do it. And so when we're comfortable around each other +[3015.280 --> 3021.040] at the gym, you look and you say, oh, they crossed their legs, they're so comfortable that the +[3021.120 --> 3026.880] brain is saying it's okay to be off balance because you're literally off balance, right? But you +[3026.880 --> 3031.600] know, somebody walks up to somebody at the gym, they start talking and then you notice that one of +[3031.600 --> 3038.320] their feet starts pointing either to the next machine they're going to or to the exit. And +[3038.320 --> 3046.160] they're telegraphing, you know, I got to get back to work. I don't have time to. So the feet are +[3046.160 --> 3052.880] very honest. You see it in elevators when immediately somebody gets on and your feet, you know, +[3052.880 --> 3057.520] it's almost embarrassing. It's like your feet immediately move you to another corner. And as I, +[3057.520 --> 3062.320] well, I didn't really want to do that, but I did it because my feet, they have a brain all their own. +[3063.920 --> 3070.720] And, you know, and stuff like that. But I always look at the feet and I encourage people to look at +[3070.720 --> 3080.160] the feet because of their honesty. And remember, you know, look how many times I remember as a young +[3080.160 --> 3089.200] teenager, we were afraid to maybe say something or was somebody we were interested in. But in the pool, +[3090.400 --> 3097.600] our feet would play foot sees and stuff. So yeah, the feet are very honest. Yeah. +[3097.600 --> 3103.440] And I'm over here, Joe, thinking that we should be striving to have our feet facing our counterpart +[3103.440 --> 3108.000] because that shows respect, shows engagement, shows good listening skills. Are you saying that maybe +[3108.000 --> 3114.320] that we shouldn't we shouldn't aim for that? No, you can, it depends on circumstances. You know, +[3114.320 --> 3119.600] you run into somebody in the hallway and sure your feet should be facing each other. But let me tell +[3119.600 --> 3130.320] you this, if somebody else approaches and the the true way to know if those two want you to join +[3130.320 --> 3135.600] them, let's say you're the person approaching them is not if they turn their upper body because +[3135.600 --> 3143.200] they might say, Hey, Bill, how are you? DJ, nice to see it's if they turn their feet and angle towards +[3143.200 --> 3150.080] you. Interestingly enough, that's that's how we communicate that if if one of the one or more of +[3150.080 --> 3156.960] those feet turns towards you, that's the welcoming behavior, not whether or not they turned and said, +[3156.960 --> 3166.080] hello, and oftentimes we'll have somebody that we work with and doesn't seem to get it. And they, +[3166.080 --> 3172.960] they just, you know, bar dried into what's a private conversation and and but they don't realize +[3173.760 --> 3180.880] that they weren't sending the signals weren't being received and that signal wasn't the face. +[3181.440 --> 3189.280] It was oftentimes the the the feet, but now that's a that's that's that's a good one. And obviously +[3189.280 --> 3195.680] you can see people who are getting along, people who are really into each other by the the +[3195.680 --> 3202.720] proximity of of of the feet. Interesting. You also brought up a poker and you have a cool video on +[3202.720 --> 3207.040] YouTube talking about the body language of poker. I grew up watching poker with my dad. You +[3207.040 --> 3210.640] worked with Phil Helmuth. We were a fan of him as well. I'm curious, what are some of the things +[3210.640 --> 3214.640] or the stories or just can we open up the world of poker? Everybody thinks that the poker face and +[3214.640 --> 3217.840] the lower body actually plays more of a role. I'll let you just take the stage talking a little +[3217.920 --> 3227.920] about what you learned in the poker world. Yeah. So funny story, 2004 and any Duke and I +[3228.960 --> 3235.360] just met on a discovery channel set. I didn't know anything about her, but I found her very well. +[3235.360 --> 3245.200] First of all, she's bright. I mean, like IQ bright. Blue my brain away. And so she said, well, +[3245.200 --> 3251.360] I've been reading your FBI law enforcement bulletin articles for years and I go, why? Why would you +[3251.360 --> 3257.680] do that? Because only law enforcement officers read those and usually when they're in the latrine. +[3257.680 --> 3263.520] So and she says, because a lot of what you write about applies to poker and I said, okay, well, +[3263.520 --> 3268.560] that's that's interesting. And then about a month later, I get this phone call from a guy I never +[3268.560 --> 3278.000] heard of. Never heard of him. And and he says, Hey, Joe, he kind of cavalier and says, I'm putting +[3278.000 --> 3285.600] on a world series of poker academy in in Las Vegas. I want you to come and teach. And I said, I don't +[3285.600 --> 3293.840] know who you are and I'm not interested in hung up on it. And so I shouldn't do that. You know, +[3293.920 --> 3300.400] then his manager called me and he says, no, this is Hill Hill, Hill, how many of this manager and he's +[3300.400 --> 3309.440] for real. And there's money in this. And and you know, and I said, I don't play poker. I've never +[3309.440 --> 3315.920] played poker in my family, my father. It wasn't that he was religious is just that, you know, he wasn't +[3315.920 --> 3323.600] about games. And and I actually thought, you know, do I want to get involved in this world not +[3323.600 --> 3328.080] knowing anything about it and how would I be perceived the FBI agent teaching poker, +[3328.080 --> 3332.800] because then I said, listen, if let's just get this clear, I don't know anything about poker, +[3332.800 --> 3339.600] but I know how the brain works. And if and if you can deal with that, that's fine. So they fly me out +[3339.600 --> 3351.040] and imagine this. You got TJ Cludier, you got Phil Helmuth, you got, I mean, you got all this +[3351.840 --> 3362.800] poker royalty there, Antonio Spendere, the, the, all these people that I don't know anything +[3362.800 --> 3368.480] about. And they're sitting in the front row and they're doing something they tell me that has +[3368.480 --> 3377.600] never been seen in Vegas before taking notes. Because you know, these guys are the experts, +[3377.600 --> 3385.520] they don't take notes, they know it all. And you know, they're taking three, four, five pages of notes. +[3385.520 --> 3391.840] And they told me is that we we've never heard these things because up to that point, you had Mike +[3391.840 --> 3401.280] Carroll's book, which I think he had like 40 or 50 tells or something like that. And now I'm +[3401.280 --> 3410.640] taking it to 186 tells things they never thought of like neck touching, ventilating behaviors, +[3412.480 --> 3418.560] the spread of the fingers, the hiding of the thumb, you know, you look at your, on the river, +[3418.560 --> 3424.560] you look at the cards and you put your hands down and you're hiding your thumb, you are so weak +[3426.320 --> 3435.680] you may need a respirator looking at the feet and the leg bounce and so like this was totally new +[3435.680 --> 3442.160] to them. And the hardest part was, you know, how do we go out and validate it? And then when they +[3442.160 --> 3448.400] began to validate it, in some ways it changed the game of poker because then you began, you know, +[3448.400 --> 3455.680] when I was telling them about the steeple, which is really, and we know this, because when we +[3455.680 --> 3460.320] look at children who are born blind and they've never seen that, they perform it. This is the +[3460.960 --> 3468.720] display of confidence, right? The steeple. It's a confidence display. And so all of a sudden, +[3468.720 --> 3477.760] you know, we're having people go all in and they're steepling and then all of a sudden they +[3477.760 --> 3485.520] realize, oh, nobody's betting. They're picking up on this. So it changed the way people bet and then +[3485.520 --> 3496.000] later it also changed. People had to be careful that they didn't steeple accidentally and then +[3496.160 --> 3503.200] tried to hide it. So it changed that. And then about two years later, Phil asked me to +[3504.720 --> 3514.720] write a book with him about body language. And that was it. And I still don't know how to +[3514.720 --> 3520.720] really play poker. I don't know how they do the math and how they statistic. Those pros, +[3520.720 --> 3526.800] they're computers. They can tell you they can look at what's been laid out and they'll give you +[3526.800 --> 3532.240] the statistics of the probability of the, I mean, they just spit this stuff out. Greg Raymer, who +[3532.240 --> 3539.760] was there, became a friend, you know, he won the two, I think 2003, 2004, attorney by training. +[3540.480 --> 3546.640] That guy's like, is a brainiac. He can, he can give you numbers and quotes and statistic. And +[3547.520 --> 3552.800] my brain doesn't work like that. And my brain is so simple. Are you comfortable or uncomfortable? +[3552.800 --> 3558.080] That's all I care about. That's all I care about. It is a novice when you're watching on ESPN or +[3558.080 --> 3562.080] whatever, you don't really see those ends in the out. So when I watched your video on it, as I was +[3562.080 --> 3568.000] prepping for this interview, it was so cool to watch you break down the differences of even the +[3568.000 --> 3574.080] subtle things of hands on the table, hands off the table or really jittery or you tell a great +[3574.080 --> 3578.720] story in your book about it wasn't the upper body when you were watching on ESPN, but you could +[3578.720 --> 3582.960] see their lower body bouncing, which told you what they had a really good hand, but they didn't see +[3582.960 --> 3587.920] that. They had a strong hand with the table, but you could see it on the screen. Yeah, because, +[3587.920 --> 3592.560] you know, I remember when the book came out and people were saying, well, if they're under the +[3592.560 --> 3597.920] table and how do you see it, you haven't even taken time to validate it, bounce your leg and you +[3597.920 --> 3605.440] notice your clothing shakes. I mean, you can see this. And that was the point is people weren't +[3605.440 --> 3614.160] realizing what they were giving away or, you know, when they first get their cards, oh, this is +[3614.160 --> 3618.800] really great. And you see they're caging their cards with their hands and they're really being +[3618.800 --> 3625.360] overprotective. And then as the hand unfolds, they begin to touch the cards with the tips of the +[3625.360 --> 3633.040] fingers and like it was dirty. And I said, you're missing this stuff. Or the other thing that +[3633.600 --> 3640.080] changed the the game a bit. And even though Greg Raymer and others didn't agree with it was +[3641.280 --> 3646.640] never look at your cards when it's your turn because you're guaranteeing that you have, you know, +[3646.640 --> 3651.920] eight sets of eyes on you. So now everybody's going to see your reaction. And you may have people +[3651.920 --> 3660.000] Larry constriction and they'll pick up on it or your, your, your narrace may dilate the minute +[3660.000 --> 3667.520] you realize I got, I'm going to have the nuts here. So we changed that. And the other thing I think +[3667.520 --> 3673.520] eventually, and you saw it certainly with Phil, who was a very good student, I said, you know, Phil, +[3673.520 --> 3681.680] the human brain is funny. If it doesn't detect movement, it moves on. And so he developed +[3681.920 --> 3686.960] you know, I coached him to what's what's called the purge. I mean, I mean, at one time they called +[3686.960 --> 3693.200] it the Navarro purge. Please don't call it that because I'd rather my name be associated with other +[3693.200 --> 3699.360] things. And that's where you you hold your chin with your thumbs. And then you put your your +[3699.360 --> 3705.920] your fist in front of you and you hold very still. What happens is the in the more primitive area +[3705.920 --> 3711.840] of the brain, we have what's called the orientation reflex and attracts any movement. In fact, +[3712.480 --> 3722.080] it's so powerful that you can be in a vegetative state. And you'll be able to track people coming +[3722.080 --> 3728.320] into a room, even though you're in a vegetative state. That's how primitive it is. It's it's it's +[3728.320 --> 3735.680] somewhere just above the the spinal cord and where it begins to get into the more primitive area +[3735.680 --> 3745.120] of the brain. And I said, if you hold still, no one will pick up your tells. They will literally be +[3745.120 --> 3752.800] compelled by nature to then move on to the next player who was moving and engaging and so forth. +[3752.800 --> 3761.360] And he became in essence a very boring player, but he became more successful because fewer people could +[3761.360 --> 3767.760] read them. And that drove a lot of people nuts because there was nothing to pick up. You couldn't +[3767.760 --> 3773.280] see the lips, right? You couldn't see the lip biting the disappearing lips. You couldn't see the, +[3773.280 --> 3778.960] you know, the upturned nose. I can't tell you how many I would literally walk through +[3781.600 --> 3789.440] the casino. And I would be picking up a tells three tables over. And to the point where somebody said, +[3789.440 --> 3800.000] keep him away. It was like the the pestilence. And of course, I never used it against any player, +[3800.000 --> 3807.840] but people were just giving away tells to easily. I remember there was a player name, I think his name +[3807.840 --> 3815.360] was Farha, where he had a marginal hand and he kept revealing it because he kept talking at his +[3815.360 --> 3822.480] shirt. And you realize the skin temperature changes at 1, 250th of a second because the brain is +[3822.480 --> 3831.360] saying fear, danger, apprehension. So at a minimum, he's marginal or he's weak, but he's not strong. +[3832.560 --> 3839.120] And he's constantly doing that as like they're missing these these behaviors. So they people +[3839.120 --> 3845.360] associated that with nervousness or, you know, you know, maybe something you do all the time, +[3845.360 --> 3853.840] like a tick, it wasn't in this case. And so that that was a lot of fun. And, and I, and I met some +[3853.840 --> 3860.480] really interesting, I learned one thing, they'll bet on anything. I won't tell you who it was +[3860.480 --> 3868.160] on anything. We were being introduced on there. Forget this because, you know, you got to remember, +[3868.160 --> 3877.360] I started out as a bus boy at the, at the Doville hotel in Miami Beach and, and then became a +[3877.360 --> 3883.120] waiter. So I have an appreciation for little tips. Back then they would leave you a 15 cents. And +[3883.120 --> 3890.080] that was, that was having. And, but, you know, poker players, I won't name you, but we're being +[3890.080 --> 3896.720] introduced. And there's a lot of us. I think there were seven of us. And I'm at the end, right? +[3898.320 --> 3903.200] I don't really know these folks very well. And the two guys next to me, I won't name them, +[3903.920 --> 3908.320] said $100. The next shirt through that door is red. +[3911.680 --> 3917.360] It's like, well, first of all, what are the chances that somebody's going to wear a red shirt? +[3918.320 --> 3926.240] I would have gone with white pastel green, but red. And sure enough. +[3930.240 --> 3938.960] And these guys are, you know, handing out money. I go, yeah, God bless you. It's an interesting +[3938.960 --> 3946.800] mentality. It's a very interesting mentality. But super smart people. I don't think you can play +[3946.800 --> 3952.800] poker at that level without really being very, very smart. And I think that's one of the most +[3952.800 --> 3958.480] underrated things about that is that you don't realize I was talking to Greg Raymer one time. +[3959.360 --> 3967.200] And I said, um, so these tournaments, they last eight, nine days, you're paying 10, 11 hours, +[3967.200 --> 3974.480] 12 hours. I mean, it's exhausting. And then we were making calculations based on eight players +[3974.480 --> 3983.040] and making decisions and so forth. I, I estimated, I think I threw this out there, that to make +[3983.040 --> 3989.520] the final table, you had to make a quarter of a million decisions, observations and decisions. +[3991.120 --> 3997.760] I mean, I mean, how many jobs require that? Because you've got to read every player in every hand, +[3997.760 --> 4004.320] every decision being made. And you've got to decode the eyes, the feet. What are they doing? +[4005.440 --> 4011.120] What are they doing with their cards? How are they betting? Are they betting slow or faster? +[4011.920 --> 4019.440] And then all of that and easily we came up with a number of, like, a quarter of a million decisions. +[4019.440 --> 4025.680] And it's like, that's hard work, buddy. That is, that is really hard work. Yeah. +[4025.680 --> 4030.000] Yeah. So I want to close down by talking about your latest book and I have it ordered. It's got, +[4030.000 --> 4036.080] it's a great title. Be exceptional. Master the five treats that set extraordinary people apart. +[4036.080 --> 4040.560] I would be curious to hear if we could just dive into one of the five, maybe your favorite. And +[4040.560 --> 4047.520] we will. Absolutely. Okay. And thanks for mentioning. This is one of the books, the 14 books I've written, +[4047.520 --> 4054.800] many of them with Tony Shara and, and other folks. I think this is my favorite because I often +[4054.800 --> 4061.520] wrote about stuff I'd picked up on my career, but I had laid in my career. I remember that I had +[4061.520 --> 4068.640] done over 13,000 interviews. And you get to talk to a lot of people. And most of those people that +[4068.640 --> 4076.960] I interviewed were really great decent people. People working on farms, this little lady who's +[4076.960 --> 4087.520] blind in Brazil, who makes things by hand and so forth. And you begin to pick up on what makes +[4087.520 --> 4095.840] for exceptional people. Not great. Not truly exceptional. Like you really enjoy being in their +[4095.840 --> 4104.080] in their presence. We've talked about observation, which is one of the the traits. That's there. I +[4104.080 --> 4112.240] think the most important trait that exceptional people had was that no matter where they found +[4112.240 --> 4121.280] themselves in life. And oftentimes the the abject poverty, I talked to a farmer who they had, +[4122.480 --> 4132.720] they didn't have electricity, even in the 70s. That's that's how poor they were. But they change +[4132.720 --> 4141.360] their their life around. And you you realize, well, what did they do? And the first thing they did +[4141.360 --> 4149.120] was they had mastery of over themselves. And that's the first item in the book. Is they established +[4149.120 --> 4155.600] mastery? They said, no matter what I'm faced with, I'm going to be in charge of me. No excuses. Not +[4155.600 --> 4161.280] going to blame. Not going to point fingers. It's I'm I'm in charge of me. And I'm going to take +[4161.280 --> 4166.880] care of me. And I'm going to do everything I can. And they created their own apprenticeship +[4166.880 --> 4175.040] program. This this this one farmer who eventually because they were sub they were sub leasing the +[4175.040 --> 4180.800] property from another people who says, I'm going to learn everything about. Addle. And I'm going to +[4180.800 --> 4186.080] learn everything about. I think it's called animal husbandry. I don't know if it's still called +[4186.160 --> 4193.520] that, but it was in the when I was studying it, or talking to them. And I'm going to learn everything +[4193.520 --> 4204.880] about it. I'm going to do better than my father. People who talk themselves. Okay, I'm going to go +[4204.880 --> 4213.600] to the library. I'm going to talk to experts along the way. The expectation that society should +[4213.600 --> 4224.560] give you the perfect education is nonsense. Society will give you an education. We don't know +[4224.560 --> 4229.040] the quality of it. We don't know whether you'll pay attention. We don't know if you'll sit there +[4229.040 --> 4235.840] stoically. We don't know if you'll enjoy it. But if you create your own, you're going to do +[4235.840 --> 4245.200] all right. You know, and I in a way, I sort of did that myself. School was school. But after +[4245.200 --> 4252.640] school, it was I enjoyed reading. I enjoyed reading. And I found that if you read two books a week, +[4252.640 --> 4258.720] that's a thousand books a decade. You can put away a lot of books and you can put away a lot of +[4258.720 --> 4269.040] learning. And every successful person, whether they learn by because their grandmother taught them +[4269.040 --> 4278.560] something or so forth, they mastered themselves so that then they could master a skill or learning. +[4279.200 --> 4287.040] And that's what makes for exceptional individuals to start with. And they have control of their +[4287.040 --> 4293.840] emotions. So they don't let their emotions drive their behavior. If you're letting emotions drive +[4293.840 --> 4300.320] your behavior, then, you know, please seek help. And there, you know, unfortunately, I've been in +[4300.320 --> 4308.640] situations where emotionally, I'll be honest with you. And I say this in 1990, I had a breakdown +[4308.640 --> 4317.360] because I was working 16 hour days. I was working in a very important case. And emotionally, +[4317.360 --> 4322.960] I let it get to me. And that's the minute things change. I went from being in charge to emotions +[4322.960 --> 4330.000] being charged. And you have to sometimes get help. And I encourage everybody to do that. But you'd +[4330.000 --> 4337.200] be surprised what you can achieve if you stop assuming that, oh, I got an education. And that's +[4337.200 --> 4344.800] it. No, that's not it. You've got to go further. You've got to create your own apprenticeship. And +[4344.800 --> 4351.520] I find very few people, people like yourself, I know do this. Yeah, I know, you know, when I look +[4351.520 --> 4356.800] at your life, you've created your own apprenticeship, there's no class that teaches you what you know +[4356.800 --> 4366.720] and what you do every day. None. And those that do create that apprenticeship, there's no limits to +[4366.720 --> 4371.680] what they can achieve in life. And that's why when you approach me, would I be on your show, +[4371.680 --> 4377.840] would I be on your show? Yeah, you encompass everything that be exceptional is about. You created your +[4379.120 --> 4383.440] show me a university that taught you how to do everything you do. And there isn't. +[4385.040 --> 4391.120] And there isn't. In the same way that when we look at somebody like Thomas Jefferson and so forth, +[4391.120 --> 4400.000] and it's a what university taught him to write the Constitution. There isn't one. Well, why is that +[4400.720 --> 4408.960] because certain things required that you apprentice yourself to learning or a skill so that you can +[4408.960 --> 4417.600] do these things. And no university can can can teach you that. Very wisdom. Can we close down with +[4417.600 --> 4421.120] the fifth one? I'm very curious. Psychological comfort. I'm going to read it in the book. Don't +[4421.120 --> 4426.400] worry, but I'm curious on what that means. You said it's the secret ingredient. The secret ingredient +[4426.400 --> 4432.960] because how do you get people to tell you things on your show? You create psychological comfort. +[4433.600 --> 4439.440] You do it through your prosody, your tone of voice. You got a great voice. You do it by the things +[4439.440 --> 4446.080] that we talk about. It's an interesting concept and it's a good one to close on. +[4446.320 --> 4454.960] Our brains do not require perfection. People don't understand that. In fact, perfection can lead you to +[4454.960 --> 4463.440] insanity. What our brains seek actually is psychological comfort. And if you understand that, +[4464.000 --> 4472.800] both in yourself and in others, in the service that you provide, then you realize, oh, +[4473.360 --> 4479.920] what I'm doing is in furtherance of them because the human brain only seeks psychological comfort. +[4481.040 --> 4487.520] And obviously you can go and extreme. Some people take drugs for that comfort. Well, that's +[4487.520 --> 4496.320] that's the wrong kind. But in essence, the human brain seeks good friends, good friendships, +[4496.320 --> 4500.640] good relationships, something fun to do, something enjoyable. +[4503.440 --> 4510.480] What we call positive valence in psychology, we don't want negative valence. We just want +[4510.480 --> 4514.880] positive valence. And that's where we thrive. And if you understand that, +[4515.760 --> 4526.080] and the social experiments where you take two gas stations and you lower the lights and +[4526.080 --> 4532.800] one and lower the price, but you increase the lights in the other one and raise the price and +[4532.800 --> 4537.920] people will go to the one that's better lit. Why is that? It's very simple. It's psychological +[4537.920 --> 4549.120] comfort. And if you attach yourself to that, and that's what I use nonverbals for, are we comfortable? +[4549.120 --> 4557.760] And if not, what can I do to make that happen? And thanks for having me on your program. +[4557.760 --> 4562.400] Joe, this is an absolute pleasure for my listeners out there. Where can I point them? Obviously, +[4562.400 --> 4567.520] we have this book that I just read. It's titled What Everybody Is Saying, an XFBI's agent guide +[4567.520 --> 4572.240] to speed reading people. Go get this. Where else can I point my listeners to support you to learn +[4572.240 --> 4579.040] from you, etc. Yeah, I appreciate that. If you go to JoeNavarro.net, that takes you to my +[4579.040 --> 4586.560] business website. All my books are there. All the events that I'm involved with are there. +[4588.160 --> 4594.320] Obviously, support your local book dealers. I always like to go into the little book shops. They're +[4594.400 --> 4603.440] happy to order the book. And obviously, on Amazon or directly from Harper Collins. But, yeah, so +[4604.160 --> 4610.560] I appreciate that. And continue success to you, because I think you're doing some very good things. +[4610.560 --> 4617.040] And I appreciate that. Awesome. Joe, thanks for taking the time. All right, buddy. diff --git a/transcript/podcast_RVOOBdKdFOY.txt b/transcript/podcast_RVOOBdKdFOY.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..838790c92eccfb4690515abade7b786b53f146a8 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_RVOOBdKdFOY.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9 @@ +[0.000 --> 7.000] What gestures or actions make you feel love and appreciate it? +[7.000 --> 15.000] I'll go first and by quiet on here today. +[15.000 --> 21.000] I think what gestures or actions make me feel love is when you do +[21.000 --> 27.000] the simple things, the things I don't need to ask you to do for me. +[27.000 --> 34.000] When you go over and beyond, let's see, maybe about a job and you took a point +[34.000 --> 40.000] yourself to fill out applications for me. Maybe if you make sure that my lunch is packed, +[40.000 --> 45.000] when you don't have to do them, I'm a grown man, but you stayed up last night to pack my lunch +[45.000 --> 48.000] and make sure I work at 1 o'clock in the morning. +[48.000 --> 53.000] So you sacrifice to get up in the morning to make sure my lunch is packed or you did it at night. diff --git a/transcript/podcast_VwD9xE_VFwE.txt b/transcript/podcast_VwD9xE_VFwE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..70c2dcc5bcf781fe363937f18e9dac0bc7dc9090 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_VwD9xE_VFwE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,17 @@ +[0.000 --> 2.280] Bro, I use toys in the bed together. +[2.280 --> 4.240] Like the toys take your right hand man almost, +[4.240 --> 5.300] helping you out. +[5.300 --> 6.920] You know, I'm gonna throw the hoop or he gonna throw the hoop +[6.920 --> 7.760] but I'm gonna finish it. +[7.760 --> 8.600] It's like having a gnaw. +[8.600 --> 9.800] You're getting closer to that finish like, +[9.800 --> 11.520] like, exactly, exactly. +[11.520 --> 13.320] My form is like me burning in the, +[13.320 --> 14.880] hand might be cramping up. +[14.880 --> 16.360] Hey, bringing the Super Sun. +[16.360 --> 17.200] You know what I'm saying? +[17.200 --> 18.040] Submen. +[18.040 --> 19.560] Don't stop, you're like, +[20.600 --> 22.400] I look like the **** do them scary with me too. +[22.400 --> 23.360] It's my good hand. +[24.240 --> 25.240] I'm like, yo. diff --git a/transcript/podcast_YEM3nWkB-EE.txt b/transcript/podcast_YEM3nWkB-EE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..9c1aa7b5ab6cd2e0ddc653f95b6b99cce3a54a11 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_YEM3nWkB-EE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,864 @@ +[0.000 --> 2.000] Is body language really that important? +[2.000 --> 3.500] Yes, for example. +[3.500 --> 8.000] When you change the posture of people who are depressed, it reduces their symptoms. +[8.000 --> 10.000] Tiny tweaks lead to big changes. +[10.000 --> 14.000] Dr. Amy Cutty, expert on the behavioral science of power. +[14.000 --> 16.500] The Harvard professor coined the term power pose. +[16.500 --> 19.000] The second most watched headdog of the whole time. +[19.000 --> 22.000] A posture can affect some of the biggest moments of our lives. +[22.000 --> 24.500] Your body language is betraying you. +[24.500 --> 28.500] 50% of our first impression is based around body language. +[28.500 --> 32.000] So the way that we carry ourselves really affects your life. +[32.000 --> 37.500] Because if people feel utterly powerless, they see challenges as threats instead of opportunities. +[37.500 --> 40.500] They are less creative, less authentic. +[40.500 --> 47.500] So that's my mission to help people feel more powerful and become more socially brave. +[47.500 --> 50.500] And there's all kinds of ways in which we can fix it. +[50.500 --> 55.500] Is there a relationship there as well between our body language and attractiveness? +[55.500 --> 59.000] Yes, there's research showing that if you... +[59.000 --> 64.000] That body language is more affected both in the workplace and in dating situations. +[64.000 --> 67.500] How we tell our stories to ourselves matters. +[67.500 --> 71.500] As I've read through your story, that was believing in your life. +[71.500 --> 73.500] It's the worst thing that ever happened to me. +[73.500 --> 78.000] I had to leave my job after I'd worked so hard to get there. +[78.000 --> 80.500] I almost decided to die. +[80.500 --> 83.500] Like I'm so afraid of them still. +[86.000 --> 91.000] I think this is fascinating. +[91.000 --> 93.000] I looked at the back end of our YouTube channel. +[93.000 --> 98.500] And it says that since this channel started 69.9% of you that watch it frequently, +[98.500 --> 100.500] haven't yet hit the subscribe button. +[100.500 --> 102.500] So I have a favor to ask you. +[102.500 --> 104.500] If you've ever watched this channel and enjoyed the content, +[104.500 --> 107.500] if you're enjoying this episode right now, please can I ask a small favor? +[107.500 --> 108.500] Please hit the subscribe button. +[108.500 --> 110.500] Helps this channel more than I can explain. +[110.500 --> 114.000] And I promise, if you do that, to return the favor, +[114.000 --> 118.000] we will make this show better and better and better and better and better. +[118.000 --> 120.500] That's the promise I'm willing to make you for your hit the subscribe button. +[120.500 --> 121.500] Do we have a deal? +[128.500 --> 133.500] Amy, there's lots of myths around body language and how important it is. +[133.500 --> 138.500] And you hear all these phrases about 80% of our communication is nonverbal or 90%. +[138.500 --> 141.000] I can't remember the numbers, but you hear all of this stuff. +[141.000 --> 143.000] Is body language really that important? +[144.000 --> 147.000] Yes, it is important, absolutely. +[147.000 --> 154.000] And it probably affects about half of our impression of others. +[154.000 --> 158.000] Our first impression is based around body language. +[158.000 --> 160.000] I'm not guy. +[160.000 --> 164.000] Maybe it's higher than that, but I would say it's at least 50%. +[164.000 --> 167.000] Body language isn't just us speaking to others. +[167.000 --> 169.000] We're also speaking to ourselves. +[170.000 --> 178.000] The way that we carry ourselves is sending messages back to our brain about whether we're safe or unsafe. +[178.000 --> 180.000] Are we threatened or not threatened? +[180.000 --> 183.000] Are we confident or not confident? +[183.000 --> 185.000] And so... +[185.000 --> 186.000] How do we know that? +[186.000 --> 197.000] Well, the earliest studies looking at this idea about body-mind feedback were focused on facial expressions. +[197.000 --> 206.000] And so we know that there are some mostly universal expressions of emotion that are facial. +[206.000 --> 216.000] And when I say mostly, there is some debate about whether they're entirely universal to every single culture and exactly which emotions they are. +[216.000 --> 223.000] But you have things like happiness and smiling, sadness and crying, you know, widened eyes and surprise. +[224.000 --> 230.000] Those things are universal regardless of where you grew up and what you were exposed to. +[230.000 --> 238.000] So if they're universal, that indicates that they are hardwired, that we're born with some association in our brains. +[238.000 --> 242.000] So if they're hardwired, can you reverse the direction of that wiring? +[242.000 --> 247.000] Can you tell people to smile and will it make them happier? +[247.000 --> 253.000] The facial feedback studies showed that yes, indeed, you can. +[253.000 --> 258.000] And the first ones were smiling and mood. +[258.000 --> 264.000] So they had people, some people, hold a pencil between their teeth in a way that made them smile. +[264.000 --> 268.000] And others hold a pencil between their teeth in a way that didn't make them smile. +[268.000 --> 276.000] The people who were in this forced smile, which did cause the contraction of the muscles around the eyes, which is a real smile. +[276.000 --> 281.000] Even though it was a fake smile, it's not just your mouth, it's your mouth and your eyes. +[281.000 --> 288.000] They were in a better mood. Their mood lifted, they liked the experimenter better, they liked anything put in front of them better. +[288.000 --> 293.000] They felt happier than the people who were not in this forced smile. +[293.000 --> 299.000] It was then expanded to look at some of these other universal facial expressions like crying and sadness. +[300.000 --> 306.000] And then people started to look at things like movement, posture. +[306.000 --> 311.000] I would say the earliest work really was on breathing. +[311.000 --> 316.000] When we get anxious, we breathe quickly and shallowly. +[316.000 --> 326.000] And if you think about, and I'm not sure that you ever had this experience, but if you were called on in class, say in high school and you weren't prepared, +[326.000 --> 331.000] the first time you had to give a speech in front of class, a lot of students speak very quickly. +[331.000 --> 336.000] And you can tell that their breathing is shallow and they're breathing quickly. +[336.000 --> 340.000] That's a fight or flight response. +[340.000 --> 345.000] And so can you turn that around? +[345.000 --> 352.000] And so the people who started studying this called this the relaxation response, where they got people to change their breathing. +[352.000 --> 355.000] And I'm oversimplifying this. +[355.000 --> 359.000] But in essence, you're breathing more slowly and deeply. +[359.000 --> 367.000] And that triggers a nervous system response that makes people feel much more relaxed and more confident and safe. +[367.000 --> 370.000] Which impacts performance of their speech, whatever they're doing. +[370.000 --> 380.000] Yes. Or the context in which it was first studied was medicine and trying to get patients to feel calmer before stressful procedures. +[380.000 --> 387.000] Her Benson at Harvard Medical School did some of that early work, I think, you know, going back to the 60s and 70s. +[387.000 --> 394.000] So, you know, that was, but it wasn't sort of linked quite to psychology because it was coming from medicine. +[394.000 --> 407.000] When you have a person who is suffering from major depressive disorder, open up, open their posture just for a couple of minutes, and then have them fill out a depression scale afterwards. +[407.000 --> 421.000] They are less depressed. When you treat people with PTSD by teaching them, you know, yoga poses that open them up, it reduces their PTSD symptoms. +[421.000 --> 429.000] So, you know, this is coming from all different fields of study, not just from social psychology. +[429.000 --> 441.000] So, there's a clear two-way relationship between my posture and how I'm feeling, and then also how I'm feeling in my posture, which communicates outwardly to the world about who I am and all those things. +[441.000 --> 448.000] I don't know if you know the answer to this question, but it made me wonder, is you were talking, do you know how old language is? I actually don't know the answer to that. +[448.000 --> 449.000] I don't know. +[449.000 --> 450.000] Check, how old is language? +[450.000 --> 454.000] It's between 150 to 200,000 years old. +[454.000 --> 456.000] And how old are humans? +[457.000 --> 459.000] 200,000 years. +[459.000 --> 472.000] Okay, so we have about 50,000 years of people not having sophisticated language and having to read each other's body language, which a lot of non-human animals are doing all the time. +[472.000 --> 473.000] Yeah, exactly. +[473.000 --> 485.000] I mean, you know, it's funny. We have these squirrels in our front yard, and they're really active, and there are all kinds of body language signals, but also these different kinds of chirps. +[485.000 --> 486.000] That they make. +[486.000 --> 490.000] And of course, I was curious. I looked this up. +[490.000 --> 494.000] You know, are they do these different chirps mean different things? +[494.000 --> 497.000] Like certain bird calls really clearly mean certain things. +[497.000 --> 510.000] And the ethylogists, the animal behavior specialists, say that with squirrels, they don't mean specific things, but it's a body language signal. +[511.000 --> 520.000] So it's not formal language, but they still get the sense that there's something threatening happening or not. +[520.000 --> 531.000] Or, you know, sometimes it's mating related, but they're not as specific as bird calls, which are closer to our language than say these squirrel chirps. +[531.000 --> 538.000] When you did that TED Talk some 10 years ago, I think from what I read, it became the most viewed TED Talk of all time in its moment. +[538.000 --> 546.000] It became second most viewed, and it has remained there for a long time. +[546.000 --> 552.000] So it was never the most viewed, but it certainly went viral quickly. +[552.000 --> 557.000] Why? Why do you think people can't so much about this subject matter? +[557.000 --> 565.000] It's funny, because you know, it still gets 5 or 10,000 views a day, and that's 10 years old. +[565.000 --> 577.000] And I still get 10 emails a day from strangers who've just seen it for the first time, thanking me, saying they felt that I was speaking to them. +[577.000 --> 584.000] And so there must be something timeless about it that I didn't know I was tapping into. +[584.000 --> 596.000] But I think there was some universal truth that resonated across people, across cultures, and a lot of it was about feeling like an imposter. +[596.000 --> 601.000] I mean, I talked about imposter syndrome and feeling like you don't belong there. +[601.000 --> 607.000] And it turns out almost everyone has this imposter experience. +[607.000 --> 620.000] And in fact, the woman who originally studied imposter syndrome says she wishes she had called it the imposter experience, because syndrome indicates that it's pathological, and it's not. +[620.000 --> 622.000] It's so common. +[622.000 --> 633.000] So what I found, you know, I was getting emails from the first generation, you know, black college students. +[633.000 --> 648.000] And I was getting emails from white males, literally Swiss bankers, all of these different people, retired people, 12-year-old kids who felt that they didn't belong there. +[648.000 --> 655.000] What I think resonated was first, it's okay, you're not the only one who feels that way, it's normal. +[655.000 --> 661.000] But also there are some things that you can do to get out of feeling that way. +[661.000 --> 668.000] And so it very much is about to me, people feeling understood. +[668.000 --> 674.000] I feel like it's when you, you know, you love a song, it speaks to you. +[674.000 --> 681.000] It evokes a certain emotional response because something about that song makes you feel connected. +[681.000 --> 686.000] And I think something about the talk did the same thing. +[686.000 --> 694.000] It made people feel understood and not alone in their feelings of powerlessness and not belonging. +[694.000 --> 702.000] And it gave them a blueprint as such to be more, to feel more powerful. +[702.000 --> 712.000] And something that didn't require technology that didn't really require much of anything to change the way they felt. +[712.000 --> 715.000] What is not blueprint? +[715.000 --> 720.000] I feel like we know so much more now than we knew then. +[720.000 --> 731.000] Then we were having people adopt these expansive, you know, what we call power poses for a couple of minutes and looking at how it changed the way they felt. +[731.000 --> 741.000] And then we were standing with their hands on their hips, for example, or in the victory pose with their arms up as if they had just crossed the finish line and won, you know, you saying bolt, for example. +[741.000 --> 744.000] And it changed the way they felt. +[744.000 --> 751.000] So that was the blueprint was before you go into this stressful situation, you know, find a private space. +[751.000 --> 756.000] It's funny. I said a bathroom stall. I had not scripted that. That's just what came out. +[756.000 --> 765.000] And when people say, I stood in a bathroom stall and power pose before the job interviewer before pitching an idea or something like that. +[765.000 --> 768.000] And it changed the way I felt. +[768.000 --> 775.000] And so that was the blueprint. But I feel like the idea of being expansive is so much more expansive than that. +[775.000 --> 781.000] It's the way we walk. It's taking longer strides and swinging our arms more. +[781.000 --> 791.000] It's talking more slowly. It is, which is taking up temporal space. It's that breathing, breathing more deeply and more slowly. +[791.000 --> 807.000] It's all, there are all kinds of ways in which we can expand that will change our feeling of agency of power, not power over others, but power over ourselves or power to. +[807.000 --> 814.000] And when that happens, it activates what psychologists call the behavioral approach system. +[814.000 --> 821.000] And the approach system causes us to see challenges not as threats, but as opportunities. +[821.000 --> 830.000] It causes us to see other people not as potential predators or competitors, but as possible allies and friends. +[830.000 --> 835.000] And it makes us more creative because we're not feeling cognitively limited. +[835.000 --> 839.000] We have more of an abundance mindset than a scarcity mindset. +[839.000 --> 843.000] We don't feel as defensive. We're more able to trust. +[843.000 --> 848.000] And I think maybe most important, we're more likely to act. +[848.000 --> 855.000] So when we feel powerful, we are more likely to take action, not just on behalf of ourselves, but also on behalf of others. +[855.000 --> 862.000] So when you look at research on, say, bystander intervention, when do people step in and help an emergency? +[862.000 --> 870.000] One of the best predictors is personal feeling personally powerful. When people feel personally powerful, they step in and help. +[870.000 --> 879.000] They go, hey, something's wrong. They don't second-guess themselves and think, well, maybe I'm not the right person to help. They just do it. They step in and help. +[879.000 --> 893.000] It has so, that that feeling of power is linked to so many other feelings and sort of aspects of our mindset that change how we approach life. +[893.000 --> 900.000] So as we expand and step forward, the world expands. +[900.000 --> 912.000] So many people listening to this now will be unaware that they've been going through their lives signaling to themselves and to others a sense of their own powerlessness. +[912.000 --> 919.000] Which is one of the first things that I was thinking about when I was reading through your work and watching the videos was that most people don't even know. +[919.000 --> 923.000] These are all unknown unknowns. So they're feeling a certain way. They're showing up in a certain way. +[923.000 --> 932.000] They're on stage hiding behind the lectern in a certain way. And they have no idea the profundity of that signal that they're sending to themselves and others. +[932.000 --> 938.000] How do I know that I'm signaling that to myself and to others? What are the signs? +[938.000 --> 950.000] I think I ask people to do a kind of audit of their body, of how they're holding themselves. And it's funny when I'm giving a talk and speaking to a big group of people, and I say, you know, now check your posture. +[950.000 --> 957.000] I can hear everyone immediately moving in their chairs, even if the lights are low. But I say, no, don't move yet. Check your posture. +[957.000 --> 965.000] Because what you think, you think that when you're not the one performing, your body language doesn't matter. +[965.000 --> 970.000] Because you, again, we're thinking we think of body language as just one direction, what we're saying to others. +[970.000 --> 974.000] But our body language is always speaking to us as well. +[974.000 --> 980.000] So I ask them to think, to pay attention to what is their default, even just seated position. +[980.000 --> 990.000] Are they holding their shoulders up and forward, collapsing their chest? Are they wrapping their hands or arms around their torso or opposite torso? +[990.000 --> 992.000] What are the whole minds of powerlessness? So like, what's the... +[992.000 --> 1000.000] It really is, you know, your limbs are pulled in, your shoulders are pulled forward, your chest is collapsed. +[1000.000 --> 1008.000] Legs might be crossed and ankles wrapped. I think the wrapping of the ankles matters more than the crossing of the legs. +[1008.000 --> 1018.000] If you watch sports and watch what's happening, what is the winning team doing versus the losing team? You really see it. +[1018.000 --> 1029.000] I mean, you see, you know, these big basketball players who are holding their heads in their hands and, you know, leaning forward and they look absolutely defeated. +[1029.000 --> 1037.000] Even though they're just as physically strong as they were five minutes earlier when things were going well. +[1037.000 --> 1047.000] So watching the body language of athletes, for example, and then paying attention to what you're doing yourself, I think helps us to become much more aware of how we're carrying ourselves. +[1047.000 --> 1055.000] But you can do little things, like just when you get up in the morning, you know, if you wake up all curled up in the fetal position, +[1055.000 --> 1061.000] which is the most common sleeping position, 40% of people sleep in the fetal position. +[1061.000 --> 1069.000] And we know that when people wake up in the fetal position, they are more anxious than people who don't. +[1069.000 --> 1078.000] That is obviously correlational. We don't know the causal direction because it might be that you're anxious and that's why you're sleeping in the fetal position. +[1078.000 --> 1090.000] Nonetheless, say you wake up in the fetal position, stretch out, you know, into a starfish pose, you know, be you sane, bold, in bed before you put your feet on the ground. +[1090.000 --> 1097.000] One of my research assistants said that he would hold one of his hands on his hip while he brushed his teeth. +[1097.000 --> 1106.000] Like little things that like that that sort of forced him to spend a little bit of time expanding really helped. +[1106.000 --> 1116.000] And I hear so many stories like this, people rearrange their desks so that they have to stretch out a bit more when they're working instead of, you know, working like this over their phone. +[1116.000 --> 1123.000] You know, how are you sitting in your car? Are you, you know, really close to the steering wheel and kind of collapse or more open? +[1123.000 --> 1132.000] Little things like that can really change the way you feel. So I think it starts with just noticing how we carry ourselves. +[1132.000 --> 1136.000] How we carry ourselves physically, how we speak, how we breathe. +[1136.000 --> 1146.000] It's so interesting because I've got a guy friend of mine who is, would be the first to say that he's very low self esteem. +[1146.000 --> 1152.000] He's very disparaging of himself. So when he walks into a room, he'll insult himself. +[1152.000 --> 1164.000] Say, he'll say, sorry, I smell or sorry, he'll apologize for himself. Take a very little room, sit on the floor all the time and all of these things, which we've always kind of noticed it. +[1164.000 --> 1175.000] But when you say all of these things about people contracting when they feel powerless and taking up less space and being sort of self disparaging, I've always looked at that behavior in him and thought, +[1175.000 --> 1180.000] I don't, I don't, it's something deeper. I don't know what we can do to, or he can do to help himself. +[1180.000 --> 1200.000] What would you say to someone like that who feels like a, you know, I mean, like I was saying, if you look at the clinical studies, the research is pretty clear that the, you know, sort of body, mind, feedback has significant benefits to people who are feeling, +[1200.000 --> 1205.000] because that sounds like sort of unusually low self esteem, right? +[1205.000 --> 1213.000] I would say that's several standard deviations below the mean. If that's how he carries himself and speaks about himself, that is the thing. +[1213.000 --> 1217.000] Yeah, so everything you described was I just saw him. +[1217.000 --> 1229.000] I would say, you know, I think I'm not a clinical psychologist, but if you look at the clinical psychology literature, it very clearly shows that if you get people to change the way they carry themselves, they feel better. +[1229.000 --> 1247.000] They feel different. I think, you know, I think to me, some of the most compelling work is the work on combat veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder who feel utterly broken and often feel that they, their bodies betrayed them. +[1247.000 --> 1258.000] And, you know, are living at home, are unable to keep a job or, you know, keep a relationship going. +[1258.000 --> 1268.000] And the research, there are researchers who have worked with them and taught them these, you know, expansive yoga poses and the effects are dramatic. +[1268.000 --> 1274.000] It just makes, it restores their sense of personal power, their sense of agency. +[1274.000 --> 1281.000] And, you know, these are self-reports. When I talk about the behaviors, they're self-reports. +[1281.000 --> 1297.000] But the researcher who did a lot of these studies, Emma Cepala, who is at Yale, says that she would hear from these people a year later saying, I no longer live at home, I have a job, I'm so much happier, I'm dating, and it's because of this. +[1297.000 --> 1300.000] Because just of the expansive yoga poses. +[1300.000 --> 1308.000] Yeah, breathing, the expansive breathing, expansive yoga poses, but getting into the practice of doing that changes their lives. +[1308.000 --> 1332.000] You know, I feel strongly that encouraging people to open up, even if it's when they're alone, you know, because sometimes people close up in social situations, because they have, you know, complex PTSD, they have experienced trauma and they've, or they've been assaulted, they've been harassed, and they feel that they're protecting themselves. +[1332.000 --> 1343.000] So, I think you start at home alone, you start in the privacy of your own home, where you don't feel threatened. And then maybe you build it into these more social situations. +[1343.000 --> 1354.000] So, instead of worrying about the impression you're making on others, you think about the impression you're making on yourself first. That's what matters. How we tell our stories to ourselves matters. +[1354.000 --> 1370.000] 100% agree. I've been really compelled by this idea of what I've been calling the self-story, which is kind of what you're describing there, which is, we all have this kind of story about who we are and how valuable we are and what we're good at and what we're capable of that governs our lives. +[1370.000 --> 1382.000] And it's written in every small thing we do. I sat here with a bit of a different example, but I sat here with a championship boxer, and he was telling me that when he's on the treadmill at home, it's a very different example. +[1382.000 --> 1394.000] When he's on the treadmill at home, if he's told himself he's going to do seven miles and he gets to six and a half miles and gets cramp in his leg, he will limp the remaining half a mile because he doesn't want to let in his own words, the demons in. +[1394.000 --> 1406.000] And what he's really saying there is this idea that even though I'm alone and no one's going to know or see, I'm going to know and I'm going to write into my self-story just a new paragraph about who I am when things get tough. +[1406.000 --> 1423.000] And I thought so much about this because lying kind of links to this in many ways, because lying is this kind of decay of trust, but also lying to yourself, so like making a commitment to yourself that I'm going to do something and continually breaking the commitment to yourself, even if nobody knows, I think is just so detrimental to our perception of ourselves. +[1423.000 --> 1426.000] Like it's a downward spiral of the perception of ourselves. +[1426.000 --> 1441.000] Absolutely. We own our narratives. And there's research even on looking at older people and physical health outcomes, mortality. +[1441.000 --> 1461.000] And the researchers found that older people who had more positive personal narratives about how they got to where they are in life live significantly longer than people who had these negative narratives, even if they had the same job, the same kind of sort of on the surface, they look the same. +[1461.000 --> 1472.000] They controlled for all those differences and still found that these older people with these more positive personal narratives live longer. Again, that's correlational, but it's powerful. +[1472.000 --> 1489.000] And one of the things that happens when people feel powerless is that they are less able to be authentic. So when they present themselves, say they are in a job interview, they don't come across as authentic as somebody who feels more powerful. +[1489.000 --> 1504.000] And what's interesting is that the body language associated with sort of lower authenticity is sort of on the same spectrum with the body language that's associated with outright deception. +[1504.000 --> 1519.000] And so when people are lying to somebody else, I mean, knowingly lying, the body language that matters the most is not eye contact. That's what people focus that they think eye contact is the most important signal. +[1519.000 --> 1531.000] It's not because people learn very different things in different households and cultures, personality differences that change how people choose to make eye contact in different situations. +[1531.000 --> 1550.000] What matters is the asynchronous between the emotions conveyed with the words and the emotions conveyed with the body language. So if you're telling a happy story, but you do not look happy, your body language doesn't look happy, you know, you don't come across as authentic. +[1550.000 --> 1564.000] If you think about, you know, being a kid and maybe you lied to get out of going to school and you told your parents that you were sick and you really weren't, you're telling a story that's not true, that's, you know, supposed to be sad. +[1564.000 --> 1584.000] So you're trying to get the emotions right with your words, but your body language is probably betraying you, you know, because you're actually excited that you're going to sit at home on the couch and eat chips and watch reruns or an iron rerun is probably a word that nobody uses anymore, but TV, YouTube, TikTok, whatever. +[1584.000 --> 1605.000] So that those asynchronous are the same as the asynchronous that you see when people aren't able to be authentic. And of course, in those cases, that's not, the intention is not bad. They're not in any way trying to lie to the other person in a way they're kind of lying to themselves. +[1605.000 --> 1634.000] And then that spills over into not being able to show an honest expression of themselves to the other. And people and the funny thing is that people don't can't quite articulate. So if you're an interviewer say in that situation, it's very hard to articulate what was off, but they know something was off and they'll say the person didn't seem authentic. +[1634.000 --> 1650.000] But they're not going to say, well, their words didn't match their body language. Yeah, they wouldn't know. No, because we, you know, when people are lying, they can choreograph, they can script the words, but it's very hard to choreograph all of the body language to go along with it. It takes up too much cognitive bandwidth. +[1650.000 --> 1666.000] So, but it does come across to other people. I think one of the fun places to watch for this is on Shark Tank is to watch the sort of the body language of these people pitching. And sometimes you'll have people who come across at first is like super confident. +[1666.000 --> 1682.000] But the something about the way they tell their story does not match their body language and the sharks feel that you see them, you see them almost cringe. There's something off and they don't get the money. +[1682.000 --> 1698.000] And then you might have somebody who is, you know, let's say doesn't have a business school education doesn't have as much experience, but really believes in what they're doing and knows what they're doing. +[1698.000 --> 1727.000] You know, I'm not saying that you can be incompetent. You have to be at a certain level of competence, but they're able to convey their authentic conviction and passion about this project, about what they're doing. And the sharks warm toward them. You see them lean in toward those people. And those people are more likely to be to find investors. And the thing is those, those signals aren't just short term signals. +[1728.000 --> 1746.000] Those people are also more likely to stick with it to inspire other people to be promoted to be successful in the long run. It's a real signal that you're picking up on that you just can't fake. And it really starts with how you tell your story to yourself. +[1746.000 --> 1762.000] Is there a relationship there as well between our body language and our attractiveness? Is there a certain body language that's associated with me being attractive? If I'm single and I'm like, you know, I want to, I want to increase my chances of finding a mate. +[1762.000 --> 1785.000] Yeah, it's interesting because you know, people, I think there was skepticism about whether women would be punished for using more dominant body language. And which I thought was kind of sad because it just reinforces the stereotype. But, but there's recent research showing that first of all, they're not. +[1785.000 --> 1806.000] And I'm not talking about super alpha body language. I'm talking about body language that's confident and warm, right, that that shows I feel good about myself and I want to be here and I'm interested in you. That body language is is more, more effective both in the workplace and in dating situation. So people. +[1806.000 --> 1818.000] There was a study that looked at dating profile pictures on dating apps and both men and women with more open body language, more confident body language were seen as more attractive. +[1818.000 --> 1829.000] So I thought that was that that was very reassuring and also suggested to me that we're making some progress. If that was true for for for you know across genders. +[1829.000 --> 1845.000] That's so interesting. So yeah, people want to be with somebody who is confident, but not arrogant, who is comfortable in their skin and your body language conveys that even in a still picture it conveys that. +[1845.000 --> 1864.000] Wow. If I am the type of person that is feels powerless inside of myself, I'm suffering with a variety of variety of different reasons. I know I know that there's as you've described there's there's things that I can do to tell a different story to myself, publicly and privately. +[1864.000 --> 1872.000] Is this is this a form of practice that one has to do? Is this like a yes, is there assist like a like I go to the gym and I. +[1873.000 --> 1888.000] Some of my favorite work in social psychology is on what's called self affirmation theory. When people think of self affirmation, they think of someone looking in a mirror saying I'm awesome. I'm you know I'm the best I'm going to win. I'm a winner. +[1888.000 --> 1900.000] We kind of know that when we feel bad about ourselves saying I'm great doesn't help because now we just feel like relying to ourselves. So we feel bad already now we're like well I feel bad animal liar. +[1900.000 --> 1903.000] Self to self you know exactly so. +[1904.000 --> 1923.000] So self affirmation is not that self affirmation is this what what these experiments and hundreds of experiments on self affirmation they have people list the top two or three values or qualities that make them who they are. +[1923.000 --> 1932.000] Like if I took that value or quality away from you you would say I'm just no longer myself like you are just taking a piece of me away. +[1932.000 --> 1941.000] They then have them kind of rank them and then take the top one and write a couple of paragraphs one paragraph about. +[1941.000 --> 1967.000] You know a time when they expressed it and another maybe about how it felt to express it that is it that's the exercise they then have them do do difficult things like take a difficult math test for example or do a debate you know do you be in a debate competition or or whatever something challenging that's unrelated right so if say I said. +[1967.000 --> 1984.000] I value music you know I if you if you took the experience of of music away from me I just would not feel like myself and then I did a math test I would do better on the math test. +[1984.000 --> 1992.000] After doing that self affirmation exercise likely I would be likely to on average people perform better. +[1992.000 --> 2021.000] They also even show decreases in levels of stress hormones like epinephrine so the idea is that you're anchoring yourself in who you are and what you're doing is reminding yourself that no matter what happens on that math test you're still going to be that person when you walk out and so it that math test becomes less important which ironically or paradoxically makes you do better on it and so I think that's a really good start is to just spend time. +[2021.000 --> 2039.000] You know kind of journaling about who are you what do you value but really what are those qualities that make you who you are to you not to others not how would others describe you what moves you like what really moves you. +[2039.000 --> 2049.000] So interesting I've never heard that before because a lot of the time you can have have the two camps where one campus says look in the mirror and tell yourself a bunch of lies and there's a whole industry about. +[2049.000 --> 2054.000] I know I know where I don't like it yeah and then there's the other camp which is maybe. +[2054.000 --> 2082.000] I don't know if this is the other camp necessarily but it's probably the school of thought I've always lived in which is you need to go and build evidence somehow new evidence about yourself like counteracting the evidence that the limiting evidence with the limiting beliefs that are standing in your way yeah self perception theory right you see yourself doing it you you become it yeah and that's just a reflection on the thing areas in my life where I was like very low confidence and how I got from that place to being higher confidence came from. +[2083.000 --> 2102.000] String outside of my comfort zone and going and doing the thing more building evidence that I wasn't going to die I feel and I that works I'm not saying that that self affirmation is the only way to do it I'm much more by the way in your I'm in your camp I I get really frustrated with. +[2103.000 --> 2121.000] It's all your mindset you just got to tell yourself that you you can create your life you know how yeah I just I there's so much of that and I feel like it's so confusing and discouraging for people because they watch people who they think are doing that. +[2122.000 --> 2135.000] In short clips and they're like well there they did it why can't I do it but but a lot of those people didn't get to where they are by doing that lots of people help them get to where they are yeah. +[2136.000 --> 2150.000] Or you know they they did other work but it's it's it's just or or maybe they're not where they aren't even where you believe they are yeah they're actually really unhappy and just putting on this brave face because in full cells right. +[2151.000 --> 2156.000] Simple cells simple cells and you know simple inspiration cells. +[2157.000 --> 2173.000] So just just just to close off that point about because I feel like there's going to be people listening right now that identify with feeling powerless in their everyday lives and their working lives and relationships they they can support the symptoms you described if that's what I like contracted posture. +[2173.000 --> 2177.000] The self affirmation piece loved it I've heard that before. +[2177.000 --> 2187.000] What else to get me out of that situation and I'm thinking in terms of things that I can like either practice or how do I get from there to there. +[2188.000 --> 2201.000] Well it's funny because I talk a lot about how tiny tweaks lead to big changes and I call you know there is a whole sort of nudge movement like how do you change people's behavior through these little nudges. +[2201.000 --> 2214.000] And I talk about self nudging you I'm not I'm not a big believer in New Year's resolutions because they're to their grandiose they require a million steps you're going to fail somewhere along the way and then quit. +[2214.000 --> 2230.000] I believe in just doing a little bit better than next time okay so the next time you go into give a talk for example to anyone to use somebody's afraid of public speaking but has to do. +[2230.000 --> 2247.000] To lead team meetings for example I want you to focus on changing one thing maybe it's your breathing you breathe more slowly and deeply maybe you make sure that you're not wrapping your hands around your body by holding a bottle of water or a slide +[2247.000 --> 2271.000] or something something that forces you to keep your hands away from your body each time you get a little bit better and eventually you find that you're there and my advisor my grad school advisor Susan Fesco I just adore taught me that because I almost quit grad school the night before my first year talk which is where you present the first year of research you've done. +[2271.000 --> 2288.000] Just to the people in your department I was so scared that I called her and I said I'm I can't do this I'm going to quit and she said you're not quitting she said you're going to do it and even if it doesn't go perfectly which it won't. +[2288.000 --> 2317.000] You will have done it and learned something and gotten a little better and each time it's going to get better she said and I want you to give every talk you're asked to give take every opportunity that you're that that's given to you to improve and eventually you won't notice the moment when you know suddenly you've gotten there you'll just look back and go oh my gosh I'm here how did I get here through these tiny nudges so go easy on your. +[2318.000 --> 2347.000] So focus on only one change in that next challenge focus on the situations that you approach with dread that you execute with anxiety and distraction and that you tend to leave with a sense of regret each those challenges vary for different across people you know for some people's public speaking for some people it's giving negative feedback for some people it's having a difficult discussion with a family member whatever that challenge is for you. +[2348.000 --> 2377.000] I want you to change one little thing each time you go into it so that you can in the end approach it with confidence execute with this calm confidence and leave it with a sense of satisfaction that you showed up you did what you could do a lot of things that you can't control but it's much easier to accept a negative outcome if you control the things you could right if you know how often do people walk away from the situations that you can't do. +[2378.000 --> 2382.000] And go I feel like they didn't see who I am. +[2382.000 --> 2407.000] You want to walk away and say they saw who I am and now they get to make the decision and I can't control whether they you know how how the about evaluate me beyond this I did I did my best that's where you want to get to always think of confidence and self esteem and now powerlessness or powerfulness the feeling of it as an upward or a downward spiral that we're all kind of on like a self reinforcing upward or downward spiral if you if that's not the right way. +[2408.000 --> 2437.000] I think it is so if I just a kind of I think that say something I'm confident at public speaking on stage for example I will show up better which means I'm likely to get a better reaction likely to feel better after which means next time I show up better which means and the spiral goes up or conversely can go the opposite way downwards and people that are on that downward so there's many areas of my life that I think I'm on an upward spiral I'm like I'm building positive evidence that's all going well and everyone's glad and then there's some areas of my life that I might be on a downward spiral. +[2437.000 --> 2456.000] I know I've got some good friends that I think are so far down that downward spiral that even telling them what your lovely professor was she was a my invite might yes she was a professor my graduate school advisor there's so far down the bottom of that spiral that they would have quit. +[2456.000 --> 2461.000] Yeah a lot of people are living in a state of survival which I actually think of like self preservation or defense. +[2461.000 --> 2469.000] They're like just remove all chance of threat from my life and in that situation you never do get to go upwards on that spiral. +[2469.000 --> 2473.000] No how could I just so many people are at the bottom of that spiral in their lives. +[2473.000 --> 2475.000] I know and they don't know what to do about it. +[2475.000 --> 2488.000] It's you know I know it's my responsibility but I just think I know it's not but but but also I do think that more people are in that state now than they then compared to three and a half years ago. +[2488.000 --> 2503.000] I do I think the pandemic really took a toll on people's mental sort of stability their their sense of self and I think we're going to be grappling with that for quite a while. +[2503.000 --> 2517.000] I mean people who we why did it why did it have that impact because we are wired to deal with a crisis that lasts like a couple months not one that lasts three years. +[2517.000 --> 2525.000] And not one that is yanking us around back and forth like oh we're emerging. +[2525.000 --> 2539.000] Oh Delta we're emerging on me cron you know like it was just this constant back and forth and we so we were living in this liminal state where we had one foot on the safe side and one foot on the threat inside. +[2539.000 --> 2551.000] We get through crises using what's called surge capacity which is you know it's from network of physical and and psychological resources that help us survive but that runs out pretty quickly. +[2551.000 --> 2563.000] And a lot of people say for the first two months of the pandemic they felt very productive that was surge capacity and it's studied in the context often of of of combat soldiers. +[2563.000 --> 2575.000] So like the first battle it's it's the emergency phase and they they they are focused the goal is clear it's shared teams operated their best good leaders operated their best. +[2575.000 --> 2586.000] Then they go into this regression in between where they don't know what's going to happen next they lose a sense of purpose they become disconnected from each other they withdraw. +[2586.000 --> 2597.000] Then they're back in battle and that's how this is gone it's going to take a little while to put the pieces back together again but I think I think that we we have to have some grace. +[2597.000 --> 2614.000] And I mean toward each other with each other with ourselves I don't think it's going to be fixed by if we're too hard on ourselves I think we do have to let ourselves off the hook a bit and go oh we've never lived through something like this. +[2614.000 --> 2624.000] Earlier when we were talking about the things that make you feel powerless in your body language and where you conduct yourselves and all these things the things that make someone look and feel powerful. +[2624.000 --> 2643.000] I imagine is the opposite in many respects but specifically if I if I want to I want to because I really want to leave people with actionable things that they can they can do in their lives if I want to become a better speaker present myself better show up better for my employees. +[2643.000 --> 2673.000] I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think +[2673.000 --> 2690.920] that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I think that I really believed that in the destructive spit, that I didn't like any sort of thought that I think that I especially wanted to raise perspective I did not think that I looked them down. He said that I am He did I think that the consumers are stuck to the bottom of the front door, and it's obvious that I think that I don't like that the cause is Look at that. Much more negative. But then times the clip got a lot of +[2690.920 --> 2696.380] negative looks up to a person after all, because he had that there was probably a person we wanted to back up about it the first time,and I am here to see that coming back to where, exactly. +[2696.380 --> 2699.380] not wrapping yourself up, not the whole time. +[2699.380 --> 2702.380] But what you want to be showing is I'm comfortable, +[2702.380 --> 2704.380] I'm relaxed with you, I'm interested in you. +[2704.380 --> 2707.380] And so I think that's the posture that you want to take on. +[2707.380 --> 2709.380] And people will mirror that. +[2709.380 --> 2714.380] One thing that people, in general, people mirror each other's body language. +[2714.380 --> 2716.380] That's a way that we sync up. +[2716.380 --> 2721.380] But there's one exception, and that's when there's a power differential. +[2721.380 --> 2725.380] So if a powerful person is interacting with somebody that's clearly less powerful, +[2725.380 --> 2730.380] the powerful person tends to become more dominant in their body language. +[2730.380 --> 2733.380] And the powerless person becomes more powerless. +[2733.380 --> 2735.380] And we call that complementarity. +[2735.380 --> 2739.380] So I think it's very important for people in leadership positions to be aware +[2739.380 --> 2743.380] that when one of their employees comes to talk to them, +[2743.380 --> 2749.380] they're probably a little nervous and to be very mindful of their body language. +[2749.380 --> 2752.380] Because you don't want them to shut down. +[2752.380 --> 2755.380] You want them to feel comfortable and tell you what's going on. +[2755.380 --> 2759.380] Share their interests with their problem or their challenge. +[2759.380 --> 2760.380] Pinguin arms. +[2760.380 --> 2764.380] I never heard that expression until chapter nine of your book. +[2764.380 --> 2765.380] What's penguin arms? +[2765.380 --> 2768.380] It's when people don't know what to do with their hair. +[2768.380 --> 2771.380] A lot of people don't know what to do with their hands when they're speaking. +[2771.380 --> 2776.380] And so they kind of like pin, they pin their wrist to their, +[2776.380 --> 2780.380] like around their hips and their hands kind of stick out. +[2780.380 --> 2781.380] Oh, okay. +[2781.380 --> 2782.380] Go be a penguin. +[2782.380 --> 2787.380] Yeah, it's really common for people who are afraid of public speaking. +[2787.380 --> 2793.380] They're kind of moving their hands, but they're afraid to move their arms away from their body. +[2793.380 --> 2794.380] Let me see. +[2794.380 --> 2795.380] So that's penguin arms. +[2795.380 --> 2796.380] Let me just go. +[2796.380 --> 2797.380] I've got this correctly. +[2797.380 --> 2798.380] Is this penguin arms? +[2798.380 --> 2799.380] You mean this? +[2799.380 --> 2800.380] Yeah. +[2800.380 --> 2801.380] So I'm a public talking. +[2801.380 --> 2802.380] Yeah, exactly. +[2802.380 --> 2803.380] That's penguin arms. +[2803.380 --> 2804.380] Okay. +[2804.380 --> 2808.380] And it's again, because I'm, I mean, one of the things that I'm talking about is, +[2808.380 --> 2813.380] I'm, I mean, one of the, there's correlation between how much space you take up and how powerful you feel, right? +[2813.380 --> 2816.380] That again, that's me trying to take up less as little as space as possible. +[2816.380 --> 2817.380] Right. +[2817.380 --> 2818.380] And I'm signaling. +[2818.380 --> 2822.380] So I'm speaking to you by doing that, even regardless of what my mouth is saying. +[2822.380 --> 2826.380] And if I'm like this, I'm saying, I'm saying you're sending a completely different message. +[2826.380 --> 2827.380] Exactly. +[2827.380 --> 2832.380] And people are, I remember the audience, like even a whole audience is responding to you. +[2832.380 --> 2837.380] So if there's this whole self-reinfor, there's reinforcement between you and the audience. +[2837.380 --> 2838.380] And within the self. +[2838.380 --> 2845.380] So if you're acting that way, they might be mirroring you or feeling kind of uncomfortable. +[2845.380 --> 2846.380] It's not easy. +[2846.380 --> 2847.380] Because you're feeling anxious. +[2847.380 --> 2850.380] But you can make the audience feel uncomfortable because you're so uncomfortable. +[2850.380 --> 2851.380] For sure. +[2851.380 --> 2854.380] And then, and then you read that and you feel more uncomfortable. +[2854.380 --> 2860.380] So it becomes, you know, kind of reinforced through the interaction. +[2860.380 --> 2865.380] There's this, there's this interesting thing that happens to me once in a while where I'll be speaking to someone. +[2865.380 --> 2868.380] And it's usually someone, I'm going to be honest with you. +[2868.380 --> 2872.380] So it's usually someone where there's a lot of think about them but I haven't told them. +[2872.380 --> 2875.380] And I find it hard to hold eye contact with them. +[2875.380 --> 2881.380] And I notice this about myself, there's certain people in my life where there's like unaddressed things that I haven't fully spoken about. +[2881.380 --> 2883.380] And when I speak to them, I tend to not look at them. +[2883.380 --> 2889.380] And I tend to just like be looking away or looking down and I occasionally glance over and look at them. +[2889.380 --> 2893.380] But this broader point about eye contact, then when you mentioned it briefly earlier on, +[2894.380 --> 2897.380] what significance does it have in our communications? +[2897.380 --> 2902.380] And because I find it the hardest thing, I can kind of, I think I can fain the body language. +[2902.380 --> 2904.380] I wish I could make that. +[2904.380 --> 2906.380] I can't give you a simple answer. +[2906.380 --> 2913.380] And because there are so many cultural differences in when you make eye contact. +[2913.380 --> 2917.380] So kids learn such different rules about making eye contact. +[2918.380 --> 2923.380] A lot of kids are taught you don't make eye contact with an authority figure. +[2923.380 --> 2928.380] And then they're seen as lying because they're not making eye contact. +[2928.380 --> 2936.380] But seeing it as rude to make eye contact means a lot of East Asian cultures eye contact. +[2936.380 --> 2938.380] You don't hold eye contact for as long. +[2938.380 --> 2940.380] It's seen as very aggressive. +[2940.380 --> 2946.380] In the U.S., you can hold eye contact for quite a while before people feel uncomfortable. +[2947.380 --> 2953.380] But it's, you know, so yeah, it's, I think it's one of the more culturally constrained expressions. +[2953.380 --> 2955.380] But I'm primates. +[2955.380 --> 2960.380] I mean, I watch all these primate documentaries and it's often the case that when primates kind of look at each other for too long, +[2960.380 --> 2963.380] it can, it's often associated with aggressive. +[2963.380 --> 2967.380] Yeah, I don't, I would have to defer to somebody like Bob Sapolsky on that one. +[2967.380 --> 2974.380] But I think that in non-human primates, you know, great apes, +[2974.380 --> 2977.380] it is, it is a sign of aggression. +[2977.380 --> 2979.380] It is like, bring it on. +[2979.380 --> 2980.380] Yeah. +[2980.380 --> 2984.380] And in certain contexts, yeah, you get it so contextual and cultural. +[2984.380 --> 2990.380] Because as we were saying before we started recording in the U.S., if someone stares at me in a lift, +[2990.380 --> 2992.380] I would imagine that they're about to say hello. +[2992.380 --> 2997.380] Whereas in, I don't know, a rough part of the UK, if someone stares at me, +[2997.380 --> 3002.380] I would check where my wallet and my keys are and assume that we had it, there's going to be a problem. +[3002.380 --> 3003.380] Yeah. +[3003.380 --> 3005.380] So yeah, yeah. +[3005.380 --> 3008.380] And there are differences, cultural differences within the U.S. too. +[3008.380 --> 3012.380] Is it possible to learn how to read people better in terms of their body language? +[3012.380 --> 3014.380] Is that also something you can practice? +[3014.380 --> 3015.380] Sure. +[3015.380 --> 3017.380] I just think there are some really great books. +[3017.380 --> 3020.380] Like I love Joan of Arrows work. +[3020.380 --> 3022.380] He's a former FBI agent. +[3022.380 --> 3023.380] He has a lot of images. +[3023.380 --> 3029.380] He really, he's not a researcher, but grounds in the research and has a lot of personal experience. +[3029.380 --> 3035.380] The book that I love is what everybody is saying by Joan of Arrows. +[3035.380 --> 3038.380] So I would recommend that as a great way to start. +[3038.380 --> 3043.380] I think there are some that are sort of like more like how to pick up women. +[3043.380 --> 3044.380] Yeah, yeah, yeah. +[3044.380 --> 3045.380] And then I'll like those. +[3045.380 --> 3050.380] This is just really understanding people and what's happening in an interaction. +[3050.380 --> 3055.380] I'm going to confess that when I was 18, I read one such book about pick up artistry. +[3055.380 --> 3059.380] And it actually was very useful. +[3059.380 --> 3061.380] I've had this conversation with my husband. +[3061.380 --> 3062.380] It's so funny. +[3062.380 --> 3066.380] And it's like the one thing he was like, I did read that. +[3066.380 --> 3070.380] Yeah, I mean, yeah, so it was it was useful because I love psychology. +[3070.380 --> 3073.380] I studied psychology in school as well. +[3073.380 --> 3075.380] And I chose that for one of my A levels. +[3075.380 --> 3077.380] And it was useful from that perspective. +[3077.380 --> 3079.380] I mean, there's probably why I do this now. +[3079.380 --> 3081.380] I was so compelled to understand why humans do what they do. +[3081.380 --> 3084.380] Then I read this book, which I didn't intend to buy. +[3084.380 --> 3085.380] I'm going to be honest. +[3085.380 --> 3086.380] I can't have told the truth the whole time. +[3086.380 --> 3089.380] So believe me when I say I didn't intend to buy this book about pick up artistry. +[3089.380 --> 3093.380] My older brother ordered it for home in the southwest of the UK when he'd gone. +[3093.380 --> 3096.380] He put the wrong address in when he was at university. +[3096.380 --> 3098.380] So it came home and he goes, I'll just keep it. +[3098.380 --> 3100.380] So I open it and I opened up my bedroom floor. +[3100.380 --> 3102.380] And I did not move until I'd finished the entire book. +[3102.380 --> 3106.380] The first book where from the first page till the last I didn't move. +[3106.380 --> 3109.380] And it fascinated me because it was just it was like someone turned the lights on +[3109.380 --> 3113.380] this whole other language that I'd been communicating my whole life without knowing. +[3113.380 --> 3117.380] Some of the really things I always talk about with my friends is this idea of pecking, +[3117.380 --> 3122.380] which is this kind of invasion of personal space that happens when you're when you meet someone you're attracted to. +[3122.380 --> 3123.380] Yeah. +[3123.380 --> 3124.380] The music's loud. +[3124.380 --> 3126.380] You lean into their personal space. +[3126.380 --> 3130.380] And how that signals like low value, then they lean out. +[3130.380 --> 3132.380] All those things I've had. +[3132.380 --> 3133.380] Oh, geez. +[3133.380 --> 3135.380] I am the worst. +[3135.380 --> 3138.380] If I'm in a restaurant and I see it a first date. +[3138.380 --> 3139.380] Yeah. +[3139.380 --> 3144.380] It is it can be so I want to slip a napkin to the woman sometimes. +[3144.380 --> 3150.380] And like the guy will get up to go to the bathroom and she is like, you I feel like +[3150.380 --> 3153.380] I'm still a napkin and saying run. +[3153.380 --> 3159.380] You know, like it's just you can it's so clear so quickly how it's going. +[3159.380 --> 3163.380] What are the signs they're talking too much and not asking questions. +[3163.380 --> 3164.380] Oh my god. +[3164.380 --> 3167.380] I mean that that's I would say the most common. +[3167.380 --> 3170.380] And and believing that they're very, very interesting. +[3170.380 --> 3171.380] They are. +[3171.380 --> 3172.380] Yeah. +[3172.380 --> 3174.380] The person talking is so interesting. +[3174.380 --> 3180.380] And and it is leaning in and taking into too much taking up too much space. +[3180.380 --> 3184.380] And you can see the and I'm sorry I'm talking about straight couples. +[3184.380 --> 3190.380] And so I because I don't know enough about other diads. +[3190.380 --> 3193.380] But I mean in this in the context of body language. +[3193.380 --> 3199.380] But you see the woman clearly tensing up. +[3199.380 --> 3202.380] She's making herself smaller to get away. +[3202.380 --> 3205.380] She may not be literally leaning away. +[3205.380 --> 3207.380] She's closing herself up. +[3207.380 --> 3216.380] And she women what people in that situation when they want to get away they often do these lip presses like this. +[3216.380 --> 3224.380] And so you start to see the lip presses and the making themselves smaller and you know and leaning away. +[3224.380 --> 3230.380] In fact, we were watching a TV show last night that might be called the match lorette. +[3230.380 --> 3236.380] This happened and the guy was holding her the match lorette like hugging her. +[3236.380 --> 3241.380] And I she wasn't forcefully leaning away. +[3241.380 --> 3245.380] But I was like, oh it's too close. She really does not like that. +[3245.380 --> 3247.380] But she was being very polite. +[3247.380 --> 3249.380] It was like painful touch. +[3249.380 --> 3253.380] So in real life, well, I've had to bite my tongue at times. +[3253.380 --> 3257.380] What's the opposite of that then when you look over in a restaurant because me and my girlfriend do this. +[3257.380 --> 3258.380] I think everybody does this. +[3258.380 --> 3260.380] Well, not everybody clearly. +[3260.380 --> 3266.380] But just weirdos like us that are into psychology who look over at another couple and go they're getting on really, really great there into each other. +[3266.380 --> 3268.380] This is not because me and my girlfriend we get to restaurants. +[3268.380 --> 3270.380] We always think like is this the first day? +[3270.380 --> 3271.380] How long have they been together? +[3271.380 --> 3272.380] Are they married? +[3272.380 --> 3273.380] Are they into each other? +[3273.380 --> 3277.380] Obviously that the really bad example is when they're both leaning out on their phones. +[3277.380 --> 3279.380] And I'm like, oh my gosh. +[3279.380 --> 3280.380] Yeah. +[3280.380 --> 3283.380] So not picking up their phones, leaning in toward each other. +[3283.380 --> 3284.380] Yeah. +[3284.380 --> 3286.380] Yeah. +[3286.380 --> 3290.380] Yeah. Good eye contact, about balance and in conversation. +[3290.380 --> 3297.380] Expressions of genuine curiosity where you can kind of see their face light up when they hear the person say something. +[3297.380 --> 3299.380] Like they're really intrigued. +[3299.380 --> 3303.380] The other one, it always one of them gets up to go to the bathroom. +[3303.380 --> 3304.380] Yeah. +[3304.380 --> 3311.380] And to me, the tell is what does the other person do when that person speaks to me? +[3311.380 --> 3314.380] I'm not watching you all on your dates. +[3314.380 --> 3315.380] I swear. +[3315.380 --> 3316.380] I'm not. +[3316.380 --> 3317.380] I'm fine. +[3317.380 --> 3318.380] We both are. +[3318.380 --> 3319.380] And that's fine. +[3319.380 --> 3320.380] Just so much. +[3320.380 --> 3330.380] But when the other person goes to the bathroom, if the one set at the table is like you can tell they're smiling, they can't stop smiling. +[3330.380 --> 3337.380] And maybe they're texting somebody and they're, but they're cheeks like almost, you can tell their cheeks almost hurt from smiling. +[3337.380 --> 3340.380] It's like they're letting the, they're so excited. +[3340.380 --> 3342.380] They don't want to act over the top with the person. +[3342.380 --> 3347.380] But when the person steps away, they allow themselves to feel that joy. +[3347.380 --> 3349.380] That to me is the tale. +[3349.380 --> 3350.380] That's exciting. +[3350.380 --> 3351.380] You're like, oh, that's so nice. +[3351.380 --> 3353.380] Something beautiful is happening. +[3353.380 --> 3358.380] And the little grooming signals as well, like when, you know, they might check that they smell well in that. +[3358.380 --> 3367.380] I guess the, I guess the last piece is about being able to fake body language. +[3367.380 --> 3369.380] Can people do that? +[3369.380 --> 3370.380] Can we fake it? +[3370.380 --> 3372.380] I mean, you can try. +[3372.380 --> 3373.380] Is it effective? +[3373.380 --> 3375.380] I'm usually not. +[3375.380 --> 3378.380] It, because you get those asynchronous. +[3378.380 --> 3380.380] It's too much. +[3380.380 --> 3383.380] Think about all of the non-verbal channels. +[3383.380 --> 3392.380] You've got vocal, they call them parallel linguistic cues, like tone of voice, range of voice, how quickly or slowly you speak. +[3392.380 --> 3396.380] You've got your fingers, your hands, your arms. +[3396.380 --> 3402.380] There's too much to do to fake it for, you know, +[3402.380 --> 3406.380] and to make it consistent with what you're saying. +[3406.380 --> 3412.380] Probably, you know, the greatest actors can pretty well. +[3412.380 --> 3418.380] But I mean, to me, it's so likely to fail that it's not even worth trying. +[3418.380 --> 3420.380] And I don't think it's honest. +[3420.380 --> 3428.380] I'm super interesting for me, because between the age of, I'm going to say 14, and let's go for 21. +[3428.380 --> 3434.380] I was, in my view, I think I was kind of rejected by every woman that I pursued. +[3434.380 --> 3438.380] And I think I was inherently low value and didn't realize it. +[3438.380 --> 3445.380] So when I read these books about pick a part of street and all this stuff, I read all this work, I tried to do what the book said, and it was unsuccessful. +[3445.380 --> 3447.380] Like fundamentally unsuccessful. +[3447.380 --> 3449.380] My life changed when I actually changed. +[3449.380 --> 3452.380] Like when my actual opinion of myself changed. +[3452.380 --> 3459.380] And I was saying this to my friend the other day who's going through a bit of a process where they're struggling with that same thing. +[3459.380 --> 3461.380] I said, you know what? I wasn't able to lie to myself. +[3461.380 --> 3463.380] I tried waiting longer to text back. +[3463.380 --> 3466.380] I tried this. I tried all of these things. +[3466.380 --> 3471.380] And I'm my conclusion from that chapter of my life is there's a thousand little things that ways we communicate. +[3471.380 --> 3474.380] It's exactly what you just said. I said to my friend the other day, there's a thousand ways we can communicate. +[3474.380 --> 3477.380] And you might think you can control three or four of them. +[3477.380 --> 3484.380] As humans that have evolved over those 200,000 years were so good at knowing what someone really thinks and feels. +[3484.380 --> 3494.380] And so I guess my question here is like, I came to the conclusion and then this was like, when my friend's in the advise you the day is you can't fake it, you have to actually go and change your self-story. +[3494.380 --> 3504.380] Like you can know the tips and tricks, but that wasn't enough for me to actually get the, you know, and it was honestly the thing that changed in my life was when my opinion of myself changed. +[3504.380 --> 3509.380] And it's and I, it sounds so weird to say, but I'm sure nobody's listening. +[3509.380 --> 3515.380] The profundity of the change. I just can't, I can't describe it. +[3515.380 --> 3519.380] Not even in the relationship being able to attract people, but just in every context. +[3519.380 --> 3525.380] Like, I don't know what changed. I don't know what I did. All I know is that something deep within me, my story of who I am changed. +[3525.380 --> 3529.380] And that means that when I shut in places, I stand differently. +[3529.380 --> 3533.380] You know, nonverbal sort of experts talk about inside out change. +[3533.380 --> 3534.380] Yeah. +[3534.380 --> 3536.380] Right. As opposed to outside in. +[3536.380 --> 3537.380] Yeah. +[3537.380 --> 3540.380] Because people have clicked this video right now, click this podcast because they want outside in change. +[3540.380 --> 3547.380] I know they do. I know. And it's like, I always feel like, look, I'm a body language person, but that doesn't mean I'm going to give you a hat full of tricks. +[3547.380 --> 3550.380] It just doesn't, because it's not going to work. That wouldn't be right. +[3550.380 --> 3556.380] And it's funny too, because the quote that I invest known for is fake it so you become it. +[3556.380 --> 3573.380] And what I mean by that is fake it till you make it to me has always meant pretend that you know things you don't know pretend that you are a person that you're not until you get the job. +[3573.380 --> 3576.380] But what do you do then? You keep faking it. +[3576.380 --> 3580.380] So fake it till you make it is fully in other people. +[3580.380 --> 3596.380] Fake it till you become it is expand allow yourself to feel powerful enough to really understand who you are to know what your story is to be to be more focused on the impression you're making on yourself than on others. +[3596.380 --> 3600.380] To grow to be less afraid of these challenges. +[3600.380 --> 3613.380] And eventually, you know, maybe, you know, standing in those big positions alone feels a little awkward at first and you're faking it, but eventually you become that person. +[3613.380 --> 3621.380] And you know, that's what happened with my student who I talk about in the TED talk, who had not participated at all the whole semester. +[3621.380 --> 3626.380] And I was going to have to fail her and I said you have to participate. +[3626.380 --> 3635.380] And she finally raised her hand in the last class. I said, I'll call on you. And first of all, her comment was amazing and people's head spun like they hadn't noticed her. +[3635.380 --> 3648.380] But she continued to use these ideas and she came back to me later like six months or a year later and she said, she said to me, I want you to know, I'm so happy now. +[3648.380 --> 3656.380] I'm into my office and said, I feel like an imposter and I'm not belong here. I'm from this small town. I was like, so am I. If I belong here, you do. +[3656.380 --> 3667.380] She came back to me after graduating and finding and actually getting into education and not business. And she said, those things that we talked about, I did. +[3667.380 --> 3676.380] And I realized I wasn't faking it till I made it. I was faking it till I became it. And now I'm the person that I wanted to be. +[3676.380 --> 3685.380] That makes so much sense. So expand yourself so that you can get the evidence you need to become the thing that you want to come. +[3685.380 --> 3693.380] Exactly. Our parents and grandparents told us to sit up straight as a show of respect to others and kids hate that. +[3693.380 --> 3699.380] Kids, you know, teach kids to sit up straight as a show of respect to themselves. +[3699.380 --> 3711.380] And that allows you to be more open to be less defensive to allow the truth of who you are in. +[3711.380 --> 3726.380] It's hard to confront ourselves. It takes courage. So by adopting those powerful postures by feeling personally powerful, you are generating the courage to confront yourself. +[3726.380 --> 3730.380] To know yourself, to introduce yourself to yourself. +[3730.380 --> 3738.380] Ladies and gentlemen, today is a very big day for me because the director of a CEO book is finally out. It's been published today. +[3738.380 --> 3749.380] The 33 laws of business and life. I've spent many years writing this book, but I've spent even longer about a decade and a half compiling the information that exists in this book. +[3749.380 --> 3767.380] If you are somebody that has any intent at some point in your life of building something, whether it's building a great team at work, whether it's a football team, a netball team, a business, an organization, a charity, anything at all that you want to build that's going to require you to understand people, understand how to tell great stories. +[3767.380 --> 3773.380] And maybe most importantly of all understand yourself, then I believe this book is a must read. +[3773.380 --> 3781.380] And you know what, I've written a book before. This is my second book, but this is the one. This is the book that I'll give you the most value. +[3781.380 --> 3793.380] There's a link right now in the description below and for 30 people that order the book and post it on their social media and tag me, you'll be getting a very special gold version of the book. +[3793.380 --> 3799.380] Please read it. Then please message me on every social media platform and let me know what you think. Thank you. +[3799.380 --> 3813.380] A quick word on Hule, as you know, there are a sponsor of this podcast and I'm an investor in the company. One of the things I've never really explained is how I came to have a relationship with Hule. One day in the office many years ago, a guy walked past called Michael and he was wearing a Hule t-shirt. +[3813.380 --> 3821.380] And I was really compelled by the logo. I just thought from a design aesthetic point of view, it was really interesting. And I asked him what that word meant and why he was wearing that t-shirt. +[3821.380 --> 3829.380] And he said, this is brand called Hule and they make food that is nutritionally complete and very, very convenient and has the planet in mind. +[3829.380 --> 3840.380] And he the next day dropped off a little bottle of Hule on my desk. And from that day onwards, I completely got it because I'm someone that cares tremendously about having a nutritionally complete diet. +[3840.380 --> 3854.380] Sometimes because of the way my life is that falls by the wayside. So if there was a really convenient reliable, trustworthy way for me to be nutritionally complete in an affordable way, I was all ears, especially if it's a way that is conscious of the planet. +[3854.380 --> 3857.380] Give it a chance. Give it a shot. Let me know what you think. +[3857.380 --> 3872.380] As I've read through your story, I came across this moment where there was some academic bullying in your life. And this appeared to me to be the a real pivotal, hurtful chapter of your life. +[3872.380 --> 3880.380] It's now the basis for some of the work that you were doing and some of the things you're writing about. +[3880.380 --> 3889.380] What do I need to know about what happened there to understand the lessons that you've taken from that chapter? +[3889.380 --> 3898.380] I would rather endure any physical pain than go through that. And I have interviewed, I mean, it went on for years. +[3898.380 --> 3917.380] I became just fair game. It was because the bullies had been so successfully diminished, demeaned, stigmatized me that anyone else who felt the need to act out could act out against me. +[3917.380 --> 3934.380] I was okay. So the mountain of social media evidence of this bullying is overwhelming. And I can't even look through it. I have to have someone else sort through that. +[3934.380 --> 3947.380] I am not talking about anonymous trolls. This was other academics. This was about me. It was personal. They were not hiding behind anonymity. +[3947.380 --> 3963.380] Every person I've interviewed for this book has been bullied. Every adult has said, it's the worst thing that ever happened to me. And I felt like I was dying or I wanted to die for a long time. +[3963.380 --> 3976.380] Because it is social death. It is social death. And without community, we are in a bad place. I mean, we do need each other. The facts of my life were stolen from me. +[3976.380 --> 3989.380] My story was rewritten so much so that I could not do an interview without having to correct all kinds of disinformation about me. +[3989.380 --> 4006.380] The way you tell your story to yourself matters piece. Wow, that was hard. I had to keep doing that to survive it. Because other people were telling a story that was alive and that was deeply hurting me. +[4006.380 --> 4029.380] I was emotionally, professionally hurting my family. I mean, it was terrible. I almost died. I almost decided to die. And that's very common for people who are bullied. +[4029.380 --> 4053.380] I'm not through it. I mean, I'm through the worst of it, but it still comes up. And there are disinformation news articles that these bullies sort of got out there that will always circulate. I can never get rid of all of that. +[4053.380 --> 4081.380] I mean, it will pop up every once in a while. And people will go, but yeah, but I heard you did this. And you're like, no, that's incorrect. And so every time that pops up, it's just like a dagger again. It is an absolute theft of your life. It is, it is absolutely, it is absolutely devastating. +[4081.380 --> 4110.380] But in the workplace, it's remarkably common. And the estimates by people who study workplace bullying are that more than 90% of people who become targets of workplace bullying disappear from that job. And when I say disappear, I mean, they're either fired because the bully flips it around and they're seen as the difficult person. +[4110.380 --> 4121.380] Or they're moved to different department or they quit because they can't endure it or they die of a stress related illness or they take their own lives. +[4121.380 --> 4127.380] Suicide rates are very high for for for children and adult bullying targets. +[4127.380 --> 4139.380] If I was in your household around that time, what would I have seen and I asked that question because people never get to see that right they get to see either silent so they might get to see a statement. +[4139.380 --> 4153.380] Right. +[4153.380 --> 4163.380] You know what I'm thinking right now is that my police are going to hear this and they're going to be laughing and they're going to be they're going to be saying that I'm exaggerating. +[4163.380 --> 4175.380] But who cares why if they say that but I still like I'm so afraid of them still. +[4175.380 --> 4197.380] I was you know raising a son who is just a lovely remarkable person. I'm like I can't believe that he grew up to be such a wonderful person because for so much of the teenage life I was going through this. +[4197.380 --> 4225.380] And it was so hard to be present but I had to be like I need there was this constant conflict that I had how much do I tell him about how much do I shield him from it can I shield him from it because you know my husband who +[4225.380 --> 4248.380] was just like I wanted so desperately to fix it for me and he he's a scientist and he understood very well the statistical arguments is better than than most people in my field do and he would engage with these bullies and that would escalate he was he was for sure traumatized by it. +[4248.380 --> 4277.380] I was just a curl up in a ball and then amazingly I was still able to go out and speak and for that hour I was safe and then I would I would hide again and I was just so afraid I just felt like I was dying I would just I think almost every day is that I feel like I'm dying. +[4277.380 --> 4287.380] It was all it was just the darkest of dark. +[4287.380 --> 4306.380] They like I'm grieving still the loss of again the facts of my life and a future that I thought I was going to have even though I and this is that whole silver lining thing I'm actually happier. +[4306.380 --> 4325.380] Happier now in the life that I'm in I had to leave my job I wasn't forced out at all and in fact I want to be clear because the this isn't the bullies love to say that I was denied tenure I was not denied tenure I chose to leave my dean was incredibly supportive of me. +[4325.380 --> 4353.380] I could not live in that toxic house anymore it was filled with fumes it was I I would have died if I had stayed so in academia period you left your part of it yes my my full time you know tenure track position and that's after I had been promoted twice like I worked so hard to get there I had an excellent record of research. +[4353.380 --> 4373.380] I wanted to stay there I wanted to continue to do work around sexism and racism I thought maybe I would eventually get into the you know administration I wanted to like that was the life that I thought I had an and. +[4373.380 --> 4401.380] They made it impossible for me to stay yes it was my choice and no it wasn't my choice they sold my future now I have a different one maybe that's maybe that's better but it doesn't take away the pain of that loss it's sort of like it's like losing a spouse a spouse dying young. +[4402.380 --> 4415.380] And then you get remarried a few years later and you're happy in your new marriage and maybe you're even happier but you'll never stop grieving the loss of that first person right it's that's how this feels. +[4415.380 --> 4444.380] And that's why it's taking me like four years to write this book because it's a lot it's a lot to tell my own story I'm scared and it's a lot to hold other people's stories because I know how they feel I know how hard it is I mean I've interviewed people whose adult children have taken their own lives because they were so badly bullied in the workplace. +[4446.380 --> 4448.380] It was it was just torture. +[4453.380 --> 4459.380] My collaborators were tortured and. +[4459.380 --> 4460.380] And. +[4462.380 --> 4464.380] Lost so much. +[4464.380 --> 4466.380] Just fighting this. +[4466.380 --> 4470.380] Disinformation and just this this. +[4470.380 --> 4472.380] Meanness. +[4472.380 --> 4479.380] My son in the last six months has had two friends who were taking psychology courses. +[4480.380 --> 4492.380] Learn this disinformation about me in their psychology courses because again it just sort of lives on and so now he's coming going I don't understand. +[4492.380 --> 4499.380] Can I ask you for a question here because I did lots of research on you didn't really come across any of that. +[4499.380 --> 4500.380] It's amazing. +[4500.380 --> 4507.380] I didn't so I don't know the details of it and what I would have inferred from what you're saying is that people try to discredit you and your intentions. +[4507.380 --> 4508.380] Yes. +[4508.380 --> 4510.380] Okay so they try to discredit you. +[4510.380 --> 4513.380] Me my intentions my actions. +[4513.380 --> 4517.380] And to prevent me from. +[4517.380 --> 4520.380] Doing more work doing more work. +[4520.380 --> 4522.380] Okay make sense. +[4522.380 --> 4523.380] Yes. +[4523.380 --> 4528.380] Why do why do what do you think their motivations were. +[4528.380 --> 4531.380] I can tell you that. +[4531.380 --> 4537.380] A small percentage of people I believe are what I call primary bullies like. +[4537.380 --> 4540.380] They are the ones who get the ball rolling. +[4540.380 --> 4548.380] If they're alone and I you know we chatted about this earlier but if they're alone they're just assholes. +[4548.380 --> 4549.380] Yeah. +[4549.380 --> 4555.380] But when they recruit people then they become bullies and. +[4555.380 --> 4559.380] They tend to be repeat offenders. +[4559.380 --> 4563.380] What they want is status and recognition. +[4563.380 --> 4570.380] They feel that they have not gotten as much as they deserve. +[4570.380 --> 4576.380] And they resent people who they perceive is getting more than they deserved. +[4576.380 --> 4580.380] And so when they perceive that. +[4580.380 --> 4584.380] They'll start to go after that person in little ways. +[4584.380 --> 4586.380] And I call that the bully tests. +[4586.380 --> 4589.380] The bullies testing to see if people will. +[4589.380 --> 4592.380] Allow that to happen. +[4592.380 --> 4594.380] And if people don't push back. +[4594.380 --> 4599.380] And this is where by standards could get involved right away and say that's not okay. +[4599.380 --> 4604.380] I so wish more people had done that in my case. +[4604.380 --> 4607.380] Then they escalate very quickly. +[4607.380 --> 4612.380] And they are basically they are gaining status by taking away your status. +[4612.380 --> 4615.380] It's I don't think it's about. +[4615.380 --> 4618.380] Power as much as it is about status. +[4618.380 --> 4620.380] They're very powerful. +[4620.380 --> 4624.380] But still feel like they're not getting the recognition and status that they deserve. +[4624.380 --> 4626.380] And their bullies. +[4626.380 --> 4627.380] It is motivated. +[4627.380 --> 4630.380] I believe in general again. +[4630.380 --> 4632.380] I don't know what motivated my bullies. +[4632.380 --> 4635.380] Buy a need for status. +[4635.380 --> 4639.380] And one of the commonalities across bullies. +[4639.380 --> 4644.380] Is that they tend to have a scarcity mindset. +[4644.380 --> 4647.380] They see the world as everything is zero sum. +[4647.380 --> 4650.380] Everything is a fixed by. +[4650.380 --> 4655.380] And that means if somebody else is getting status or success. +[4655.380 --> 4658.380] It's somehow taking away from them. +[4658.380 --> 4664.380] You know, Einstein once said the most important question that you'll answer for yourself. +[4664.380 --> 4670.380] Is sort of is the universe fundamentally hostile or friendly. +[4670.380 --> 4675.380] Because the way you answer that will affect the way you do your work. +[4675.380 --> 4681.380] And how you interact with people and what you aspire to. +[4681.380 --> 4686.380] These are people who would say the world is fundamentally hostile. +[4686.380 --> 4688.380] The bullies are. +[4688.380 --> 4689.380] Yes. +[4689.380 --> 4693.380] And that's the commonality across bullies. +[4693.380 --> 4695.380] I think there are some myths about bullies. +[4695.380 --> 4698.380] Like the idea that bullied people become bullies. +[4698.380 --> 4699.380] Some do. +[4699.380 --> 4701.380] And most don't. +[4701.380 --> 4708.380] In fact, a lot of the people who I call brave hearts who stand up against bullies were bullied. +[4708.380 --> 4712.380] So it's not that bullied people become bullies. +[4712.380 --> 4719.380] It's not that they have such low self-esteem and they can't sleep at night. +[4719.380 --> 4721.380] They actually they can sleep at night. +[4721.380 --> 4723.380] They're okay with what they're doing. +[4723.380 --> 4726.380] They think they're right. +[4726.380 --> 4729.380] Yeah. +[4729.380 --> 4731.380] But there are way there's so many ways. +[4731.380 --> 4736.380] And I this is maybe another conversation for next year. +[4736.380 --> 4740.380] There's so many opportunities for bystanders to get involved early. +[4740.380 --> 4744.380] So it doesn't escalate to this full blown bullying campaign. +[4744.380 --> 4750.380] Because once you're there, the person is is is is socially killed. +[4750.380 --> 4754.380] Do you think this is an inevitable byproduct of being successful? +[4754.380 --> 4760.380] Because you talk you the primary bullies they see status as the the game. +[4760.380 --> 4762.380] So you become really successful in your industry. +[4762.380 --> 4765.380] You get a TED talk which becomes one of the most watched ever. +[4765.380 --> 4767.380] You know, your podcast becomes big. +[4767.380 --> 4772.380] There's primary people are going to say he or she is getting too much credit. +[4772.380 --> 4774.380] What can I do to tear them down? +[4774.380 --> 4776.380] Give me a little bit of credit. +[4776.380 --> 4777.380] Take back some of that. +[4777.380 --> 4779.380] There's some status. +[4779.380 --> 4782.380] So you know, is it inevitable? +[4782.380 --> 4783.380] What do they call it? +[4783.380 --> 4785.380] Occupational hazard of success? +[4785.380 --> 4786.380] Yeah. +[4786.380 --> 4793.380] So I don't think I think it's common for you for successful people to have haters. +[4793.380 --> 4796.380] That doesn't always turn into bullying. +[4796.380 --> 4804.380] Also, the people who tend to be targets tend to be people who have, +[4804.380 --> 4812.380] okay, so if you think about the kind of the workplace or the profession and then the rest of the world. +[4812.380 --> 4818.380] They have lower status in their profession than they do with the rest of the world. +[4818.380 --> 4822.380] And so I was a junior researcher. +[4822.380 --> 4825.380] I wasn't, you know, supposed to get this much attention. +[4825.380 --> 4830.380] And I just gave a TED talk like that. +[4830.380 --> 4833.380] I wasn't going out looking for status. +[4833.380 --> 4835.380] That's what happened. +[4835.380 --> 4837.380] It happened to go viral. +[4837.380 --> 4852.380] But the targets tend to be people who are below the average on status with the in group and then cross what some researchers have called the line of resentment. +[4852.380 --> 4855.380] And then they become targets or their viable targets. +[4855.380 --> 4858.380] They don't necessarily become targets, but their viable targets. +[4858.380 --> 4866.380] So people who have very high status inside and get high status outside, they're much less likely to be bullied. +[4866.380 --> 4871.380] Interesting. So to clarify that in words that I just make sure I understand. +[4871.380 --> 4883.380] If I am in a school, and I am maybe in the lower quartile of popularity, I'm not so popular. +[4883.380 --> 4887.380] But then something happens, which means outside of school, I become super famous. +[4887.380 --> 4888.380] Yes. +[4888.380 --> 4892.380] You know, I blow up in the news outside of school and everyone's talking about me and they love me. +[4892.380 --> 4897.380] People in school is going to be a group of people in school that go, we need to rain this guy back in. +[4897.380 --> 4902.380] There's going to be a couple of people. And you hear those stories and you've interviewed a lot of celebrities. +[4902.380 --> 4910.380] And you know, when you talk to celebrities, like people who've who've got famous as kids, a lot of them were bullied. +[4910.380 --> 4913.380] And people are shocked. They're like, but you, but everyone else loved you. +[4913.380 --> 4914.380] Yeah. +[4914.380 --> 4918.380] Yeah, but that's exactly why they got bullied in their schools. +[4918.380 --> 4919.380] Yeah. +[4919.380 --> 4921.380] Because they weren't supposed to succeed. +[4921.380 --> 4924.380] I've heard this story many times on this podcast, do you mean? +[4924.380 --> 4925.380] I know. +[4925.380 --> 4931.380] You know, like is in this someone doing well, a group of people thinking that they've punched too far above their way. +[4931.380 --> 4932.380] Yeah. +[4932.380 --> 4936.380] And then trying to tear them back down with disinformation, misinformation, whatever. +[4936.380 --> 4938.380] It's so common. +[4938.380 --> 4943.380] Are you optimistic that it can change, obviously, really? +[4943.380 --> 4944.380] Yes. +[4944.380 --> 4945.380] I think it's human. +[4945.380 --> 4949.380] Well, I would like to say it change, but I part of me goes, I think this is just humans. +[4949.380 --> 4957.380] Yeah, but this is, you know, what we, if so if we said that about racism and misogyny and ageism, it's just human nature. +[4957.380 --> 4959.380] People would go, that's not okay. +[4959.380 --> 4964.380] Like a lot of people would object to that statement and say, yes, we can do better. +[4964.380 --> 4971.380] But no, I absolutely believe that if people can understand the anatomy of bullying, how it works. +[4971.380 --> 4975.380] And what it looks like in the beginning, what are the early signs? +[4975.380 --> 4982.380] What are the little things they can do to be socially brave and collectively turn things around? +[4982.380 --> 4988.380] I think that we will see change in workplaces first. +[4988.380 --> 4995.380] The psychological research shows that we can turn this around. +[4995.380 --> 4997.380] I think you're right, actually. +[4997.380 --> 4998.380] Thank you. +[4998.380 --> 4999.380] No, I do think you're right. +[4999.380 --> 5005.380] Just because when you make the similarity between things like racism and sexism, it's really about cultural acceptance. +[5005.380 --> 5012.380] Is it whether we, whether we, someone performs that behavior, whether we go, that's fine, whether we clap, whether we go, you know, we're going to reject you if you do that again. +[5012.380 --> 5013.380] Exactly. +[5013.380 --> 5017.380] And we're all governed by incentives in this society, aren't we? +[5017.380 --> 5019.380] So it's just about an incentive, disincentive. +[5019.380 --> 5020.380] Yes. +[5020.380 --> 5022.380] Interesting. +[5022.380 --> 5026.380] What's the most important thing that we haven't talked about that maybe we should have? +[5026.380 --> 5035.380] Yeah, I mean, we've talked a lot about trust, but I guess, so I guess I just want to summarize sort of all of that talk about trust. +[5035.380 --> 5045.380] It just that, you know, a lot of people in the business world make the mistake of thinking that they got to go in and be the smartest person in the room. +[5045.380 --> 5048.380] So they've got to show competence. +[5048.380 --> 5053.380] And they do that at the expense of demonstrating their trust, trustworthiness. +[5053.380 --> 5062.380] And if you do not establish, earn trust, build trust, you, you have no medium through which your ideas can travel. +[5062.380 --> 5065.380] So trust is the conduit of influence. +[5065.380 --> 5067.380] It's not a soft idea. +[5067.380 --> 5069.380] It's a true idea. +[5069.380 --> 5071.380] This is just the way people are. +[5071.380 --> 5076.380] You come in and you start talking at them and you haven't listened to them. +[5076.380 --> 5078.380] You don't know what they're about. +[5078.380 --> 5080.380] They don't feel like you care. +[5080.380 --> 5084.380] It doesn't matter if you have the best idea in the world, you're throwing it against brick wall. +[5084.380 --> 5091.380] You know, you have got to earn an established trust in order to influence people. +[5091.380 --> 5093.380] And how do you establish trust? +[5093.380 --> 5095.380] Not thinking that you have to take the floor first. +[5095.380 --> 5100.380] So a lot of people feel that, especially in business settings, they, like a negotiation, +[5100.380 --> 5102.380] they feel like they've got to drop the anchor. +[5102.380 --> 5104.380] They have to talk first. +[5104.380 --> 5114.380] When in reality, it's often much more effective to ask questions and learn about the other person. +[5114.380 --> 5121.380] You're showing first that you're interested that you understand them and you're actually gaining information. +[5121.380 --> 5122.380] Right? +[5122.380 --> 5126.380] So, so that you, when you respond, you're not giving up power at all. +[5126.380 --> 5129.380] You're building trust and learning. +[5129.380 --> 5139.380] And, and then you, when you, when you respond, they trust that your response is based on you actually knowing them. +[5139.380 --> 5140.380] Right? +[5140.380 --> 5141.380] So they feel seen. +[5141.380 --> 5142.380] They've been seen. +[5142.380 --> 5149.380] So that's, I think, you know, there are so many things, but I, that's one that I think is, is really effective. +[5149.380 --> 5153.380] We have a closing tradition on this podcast where the last guest leaves a question for the next guest, +[5153.380 --> 5155.380] not knowing who they're going to leave the question for. +[5155.380 --> 5165.380] And the question left for you is, if we discovered a cure for sadness such that we would never need, +[5165.380 --> 5176.380] need experience it again, would you support the development of that cure? +[5177.380 --> 5190.380] I'm on the, oh geez, I feel like I'm going to get myself in trouble, but, you know, I referred to Susan Kane earlier, her book Quiet, +[5190.380 --> 5193.380] her new book is called Bittersweet. +[5193.380 --> 5201.380] And it is about allowing ourselves to feel sadness, to grieve that it is in many ways healing. +[5201.380 --> 5203.380] I mean, why do we listen to sad songs? +[5203.380 --> 5206.380] We get some pleasure from it. We heal from it. +[5206.380 --> 5212.380] So I'm going to have to say I'm going for the bittersweet and not the no, no sadness. +[5212.380 --> 5214.380] I couldn't imagine a world without sadness. +[5214.380 --> 5216.380] I don't think that would be a nice world. +[5216.380 --> 5220.380] I think sadness is like cotton cold and sad and happy. +[5220.380 --> 5222.380] I don't think you have one without the other, unfortunately. +[5222.380 --> 5223.380] I don't think so either. +[5223.380 --> 5224.380] And it's in a signal, right? +[5224.380 --> 5227.380] It's a human signal that our bodies send us to tell us something. +[5227.380 --> 5228.380] It's information. +[5228.380 --> 5231.380] Yeah, like, it's process loss and things like that. +[5231.380 --> 5232.380] Yes. +[5232.380 --> 5233.380] I completely agree with you. +[5233.380 --> 5235.380] And to feel empathy and compassion, I want to help others. +[5235.380 --> 5237.380] So. +[5237.380 --> 5238.380] Thank you so much. +[5238.380 --> 5239.380] Thank you. +[5239.380 --> 5240.380] Thank you so much. +[5240.380 --> 5241.380] This is delightful. +[5241.380 --> 5242.380] Really, really delightful. +[5242.380 --> 5243.380] I like so much. +[5243.380 --> 5248.380] And in the process of reading your work and watching your videos, I learned an incredible amount. +[5248.380 --> 5250.380] And you've really helped me. +[5250.380 --> 5253.380] I've had so many little personal epiphanies as we've been speaking. +[5253.380 --> 5254.380] So many of them. +[5254.380 --> 5258.380] And I'm actually really, really excited about your coming book about bullying and bystanders, +[5258.380 --> 5260.380] because there's not really a big conversation happening. +[5260.380 --> 5269.380] But if there was ever a time for this conversation in the world we live in in these like cancel culture mobs and the Twitter sphere and all of this stuff, +[5269.380 --> 5273.380] it's a big conversation in the UK at this exact moment for a variety of reasons. +[5273.380 --> 5276.380] There's been a big couple of big moments in the UK. +[5276.380 --> 5282.380] It's now is the time to have a really like professional nuanced conversation about it. +[5282.380 --> 5283.380] Yes. +[5283.380 --> 5284.380] And to see if there is a way. +[5284.380 --> 5285.380] Yes. +[5285.380 --> 5287.380] To have a language so we can actually talk about it. +[5287.380 --> 5288.380] Yeah. +[5288.380 --> 5290.380] I would love to speak to you again when that book comes out. +[5290.380 --> 5291.380] Thank you. +[5291.380 --> 5292.380] And that book comes out. +[5292.380 --> 5293.380] I'd love to do that. +[5293.380 --> 5294.380] Wonderful to do. +[5294.380 --> 5295.380] Thank you so much for all of your time today. +[5295.380 --> 5298.380] It's been really, really fascinating, really eye-openinged conversation. +[5298.380 --> 5299.380] Thank you. +[5299.380 --> 5300.380] You know what? +[5300.380 --> 5301.380] I think you're a wonderful human being. +[5301.380 --> 5306.380] I think you're a one competent, which is what I aspire to be. +[5306.380 --> 5307.380] Thank you. +[5307.380 --> 5308.380] One day. +[5308.380 --> 5309.380] Thank you. +[5309.380 --> 5310.380] I think you're wonderful too. +[5310.380 --> 5311.380] Thank you so much, Amy. +[5311.380 --> 5312.380] It means a lot to me. +[5312.380 --> 5312.880] Thank you. +[5312.880 --> 5336.380] Thank you. +[5336.380 --> 5337.380] You got to the end of this podcast. +[5337.380 --> 5341.280] Whenever someone gets to the end of this podcast, I feel like I owe them a greater debt of gratitude +[5341.280 --> 5343.280] because that means you listen to the whole thing. +[5343.280 --> 5345.280] And hopefully that suggests that you enjoyed it. +[5345.280 --> 5350.280] If you are at the end and you enjoyed this podcast, could you do me a little bit of a favor +[5350.280 --> 5351.280] and hit that subscribe button? +[5351.280 --> 5354.280] That's one of the clearest indicators we have that this episode was a good episode. +[5354.280 --> 5359.280] And we look at that on all of the episodes to see which episodes generated the most subscribers. +[5359.280 --> 5361.280] Thank you so much and I'll see you again next time. diff --git a/transcript/podcast_a9yFKPmPZ90.txt b/transcript/podcast_a9yFKPmPZ90.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..236a0bc5aa14efd5ec7d22dc713c835228f08240 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_a9yFKPmPZ90.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1024 @@ +[0.000 --> 5.540] Welcome to the Uberman Lab podcast where we discuss science and science-based tools for everyday life. +[8.880 --> 12.060] I'm Andrew Huberman and I'm a professor of neurobiology and +[12.480 --> 16.900] Ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine. Today my guest is Edoportal. +[17.400 --> 21.160] Edoportal is somebody who truly defies formal definition. +[21.520 --> 26.920] He is however credited by many to be the world expert in all things movement. +[27.200 --> 31.000] Movement is one of the more fascinating and important aspects of our nervous system. +[31.000 --> 33.240] In fact, it was the great Nobel Prize winner +[33.800 --> 39.480] Sherrington that said movement is the final common path and what he was referring to is the fact that +[39.960 --> 48.880] So much of our nervous system is dedicated to movement and in particular that the human nervous system can generate the greatest variety of forms of movement. +[48.880 --> 52.480] We can run, we can jump, we can crawl, we can move at different speeds, +[52.800 --> 60.360] far more variation in movement and different types and speeds of movement than any other animal in the animal kingdom can perform. +[61.080 --> 67.280] My interest in bringing Edoportal onto this podcast stemmed from a discussion about just that, about Sherrington and the +[67.360 --> 72.720] enormous range of movements that humans can engage in. Edop is both a practitioner and an intellectual. +[73.080 --> 79.560] We all know what a practitioner is. It's somebody who walks the walk who actually performs the thing that they are knowledgeable about. +[80.200 --> 87.080] And indeed, Edop has studied Capoeira, a number of other martial arts dance, gymnastics, various forms of sport. +[87.240 --> 94.360] He's trained top athletes like Conor McGregor and he has many many other credits to his name as a practitioner and teacher. +[94.920 --> 104.120] However, he is also a true intellectual of movement. I define an intellectual as somebody who can both think about and talk about a subject at +[104.400 --> 113.360] multiple levels of granularity that is with exquisite detail and with his, was it simplicity depending on their audience and depending on the topic at hand. +[113.360 --> 120.960] And as you'll soon hear from my discussion with Edop, he is both a practitioner and a true intellectual of all things movement. +[121.360 --> 128.640] Today, through our discussion, you will learn how the nervous system generates movement and the different forms of movement, the different speeds of movement. +[128.920 --> 152.680] You're also going to get an incredible insight through Edop's mind and eyes of how movement can serve us in the various contexts of life, not just in sport, not just in exercise, but in every aspect of our lives from the time we get up in the morning until the time we go to sleep at night, how we engage with others, how we engage with ourselves, indeed, how movement even informs relationships of different kinds. +[152.680 --> 182.640] I found our discussion to be one of the most enlightening and interesting discussions that I've ever had, not just about movement, but about the nervous system. I can assure you that by the end of this episode, you will not only learn a tremendous amount about movement through the eyes and mind of the one and only Edop or tall, but you also will learn a tremendous amount of neuroscience about how the cells and circuits and hormones and neurotransmitters of your body assist in creating the various forms of movement that you can generate. +[182.680 --> 191.680] You're trying to learn and generate and that perhaps you should think about trying to learn and generate. Indeed, you'll learn some protocols and tools for how to do that. +[191.680 --> 206.680] In science, we have a phrase, actually, it's a title that's reserved for only the rarest of individuals. We say that somebody is an N of one, meaning a sample size of one, and as you'll soon learn, Edop or tall is truly an N of one. +[206.680 --> 218.680] Before we begin, I'd like to emphasize that this podcast is separate from my teaching and research roles at Stanford. It is, however, part of my desire and effort to bring zero cost to consumer information about science and science related tools to the general public. +[218.680 --> 230.680] In keeping with that theme, I'd like to thank the sponsors of today's podcast. Our first sponsor is Athletic Greens. Athletic Greens is an all-in-one vitamin mineral probiotic drink that also has adaptogens and digestive enzymes. +[230.680 --> 238.680] I started taking Athletic Greens way back in 2012, and so I'm delighted that they're sponsoring the podcast. In fact, when people ask me, what's the one supplement they should take? +[238.680 --> 249.680] I always say Athletic Greens because it covers all of those essential nutritional bases. And the probiotics, adaptogens and digestive enzymes are vital for things like the gut microbiome. +[249.680 --> 263.680] Your gut microbiome is trillions of little micro bacteria that live in your gut and that support your immune system, your endocrine system, and the so-called gut brain access, which is important for mood and neurotransmitter production, a huge number of biological systems in your brain and body. +[263.680 --> 277.680] Athletic Greens also tastes great. I mix mine with water, and I like a little bit of lemon juice or lime juice in there. As I mentioned, I drink it twice a day, usually once in the morning, during the phase of the day, in which typically I'm fasting or around breakfast time, and then again in the afternoon or even in the evening. +[277.680 --> 292.680] If you'd like to try Athletic Greens, you can go to Athletic Greens.com slash Huberman to claim a special offer. They'll give you five free travel packs, which make it very easy to mix up Athletic Greens while you're on the road. And they'll give you a year supply of Vitamin D3 K2. +[292.680 --> 304.680] Vitamin D3 and K2 are important for endocrine health, for cardiovascular health, for calcium regulation, and so on. Again, that's Athletic Greens.com slash Huberman to claim this special offer. +[304.680 --> 312.680] The next episode is also brought to us by Roka. Roka makes eyeglasses and sunglasses that are of the absolute highest quality and practicality. +[312.680 --> 322.680] I've spent a lifetime working on the visual system, and I can tell you that your visual system has to contend with an enormous number of challenges. For instance, when you move from a shady area to a bright area, your eyes have to adapt to that. +[322.680 --> 330.680] Roka understands the various challenges that the visual system has to face, and they've developed sunglasses and eyeglasses with all of that biology in mind. +[330.680 --> 344.680] Their glasses were developed by two all American swimmers from Stanford, and initially Roka sunglasses and eyeglasses were for athletes. They designed eyeglasses that then and still now will stay on your face if you get sweaty. You can wear them running. You can wear them cycling, etc. +[344.680 --> 348.680] They're very lightweight, so lightweight. In fact, at most of the time, you don't even remember that they're on your face. +[348.680 --> 356.680] But Roka eyeglasses and sunglasses also come in a terrific aesthetic, so you can wear them anywhere. So unlike a lot of so-called performance glasses out there that make people look like cyborgs, +[356.680 --> 365.680] you can wear Roka eyeglasses and sunglasses when exercising, to dinner, to work. Again, the aesthetics are really terrific and really adaptable to all those different environments. +[365.680 --> 377.680] If you'd like to try Roka glasses, you can go to roca. That's roka.com and enter the code Huberman to get 20% off your first order. Again, that's roka.com and enter the code Huberman at checkout. +[377.680 --> 384.680] Today's episode is also brought to us by Helix Sleep. Helix Sleep makes mattresses and pillows that are customized to your sleep needs. +[384.680 --> 390.680] I've talked a lot on this podcast and on another podcast and on social media about the essential need for sleep. +[390.680 --> 395.680] Put simply sleep is the foundation of all mental health, physical health, and performance. +[395.680 --> 402.680] Just a few nights or even one night's poor sleep can really hinder your mental health, physical health, and performance in all aspects of life. +[402.680 --> 409.680] Helix has customized sleep products. That is mattresses and pillows that are designed to your sleep needs. +[409.680 --> 420.680] So you're out with those sleep needs are very easily by going to the Helix website. They have a quiz. It takes just about two minutes and ask you questions like, do you sleep on your back, your side or your stomach, do you tend to run hot or cold during sleep, etc. +[420.680 --> 425.680] Or maybe you don't even know the answers to those questions. That's fine too. That's an option that you can answer as well. +[425.680 --> 431.680] You take the brief two minute quiz and then Helix will match you to the ideal mattress and pillow for you. +[431.680 --> 438.680] I've been matched to the so-called dusk mattress. I started sleeping on that well over a year ago now and it's the best sleep I've ever had. +[438.680 --> 447.680] I'm sleeping much longer and much better through the entire night. And as a consequence, I'm feeling much better, more clear, more physically alert, etc. throughout the day. +[447.680 --> 454.680] If you're interested in upgrading your mattress, go to helixleap.com slash huberman. You can take that two minute quiz and they'll match you to a customized mattress for you. +[454.680 --> 464.680] And you'll get up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows. Again, if you're interested, you go to helixleap.com slash huberman for up to $200 off and two free pillows. +[464.680 --> 474.680] And now for my discussion with Ido Portal. Ido, thank you for coming here today. I've been looking forward to sitting down with you to talk for a very long time. +[474.680 --> 484.680] I was first exposed to your work, my post or a podcast, I believe, of a group of people walking down handrails. +[484.680 --> 492.680] Literally the handrails along stairwells. And as a, I don't want to say former skateboarder, once a skateboarder, always a skateboarder. +[492.680 --> 503.680] The skateboarder handrails have a particular meaning, but I was really struck by, first of all, the incredible range of skill that people had. +[503.680 --> 511.680] And yet, they're willingness to do this. I think of handrails walking on handrails or skateboarding in handrails as a potential hazard. +[511.680 --> 516.680] And yet, some of the incredible proficiency that some of the people there, including yourself had. +[516.680 --> 528.680] So like many people I was drawn to your practice and your work initially through a wide eyed, wow, they're doing some incredible stuff on natural objects, much skateboarders or parkour, folks do. +[528.680 --> 536.680] But over the years, we've been in communication and I've come to realize that you're a true intellectual of the topic of movement. +[536.680 --> 546.680] And I define an intellectual as somebody who can understand a topic at multiple levels of granularity, detailed, general specific connections, et cetera. +[546.680 --> 555.680] So to start off, could you share with us your conception of this idea of movement? +[555.680 --> 565.680] Obviously, movement involves translation through space, but when you talk about a movement practice, what are you really thinking about? +[565.680 --> 569.680] What are we talking about when we talk about a movement practice? +[569.680 --> 573.680] It's a big question. +[573.680 --> 590.680] I somehow left the definition, the very tight definition of it out for myself because I felt it was starting to constrict me and be around me and I let the practice itself really define it. +[590.680 --> 601.680] But I think part of our sense of everything is actually a sense of movement and then the stillness in the background of that. +[601.680 --> 621.680] So for me, this is the entity that I refer to as movement and using that perspective for self-evolution development, of course, the physical side, but also movement of emotions, movement of thoughts, and any other movement streams. +[621.680 --> 629.680] And by switching these layers and examining it from different places, you get a better and better sense of it. +[629.680 --> 639.680] I think the visuals nowadays and media are what defines for people in the beginning things and then little by little, with experience, they can dive deeper, which is good. +[639.680 --> 655.680] There is some aspect, sexy aspect, or not so sexy aspects, and then you pull on it and you start to examine and dive deeper and then you receive the gift of finding out more. +[655.680 --> 670.680] I heard you say once that we are not just a brain with a body, but we are a body with a brain, which I absolutely love because as a student and a researcher of the nervous system, I never think about the brain as its own isolated thing. +[670.680 --> 677.680] I think about the nervous system and the fact that the brain and the spinal cord are connected to the body and the body is connected to the brain. +[677.680 --> 684.680] In every direction, everything truly is connected at the physical level, physiological level. +[684.680 --> 697.680] Could you just share for a moment how you think about this body-brain relationship in terms of, you know, you mentioned movement of emotions, movement of the body, that you can't really separate the two. +[697.680 --> 705.680] And for the typical person who is listening to this, they might not immediately understand what that means. Maybe it's something that has to be experienced. +[705.680 --> 719.680] But when we think about the body and the brain and the whole thing working as one cohesive whole, what does that mean to you? Or put simply, when you do a movement practice, what are you focusing on? +[719.680 --> 728.680] Are you focusing on the movement of your limbs? I have to imagine that's true, but are you also focusing on how that makes you feel or how your feelings make you move? +[728.680 --> 742.680] Okay. So some thoughts. I will try not to answer any of your questions during this interview, but I will definitely give some thoughts and then we can play with it. +[742.680 --> 756.680] I think these definitions and in general, the limitation of words ends up creating some kind of a corruptive process. +[756.680 --> 771.680] The words corrupt us and corrupt our understanding. So I think the brain body, this cartesian state of mind and thinking brought a lot of good, but also brought a lot of problems. +[771.680 --> 785.680] And movement for me is the entity that ties everything together. It's the magic is the thoughts are anima. It's the, it's when the coins pins and you see both sides appear at the same time. +[785.680 --> 790.680] It's a beautiful analogy from a friend of mine, Dr. Rasmus Olm. +[791.680 --> 799.680] So the mind and body are one of those pairs and I call it the movement body mind system. +[799.680 --> 815.680] So it's when it's integrated, it's in motion. There is also a stillness that appears there, of course, without it, there can be no motion, but maybe that is a very good way to start to think of things. +[815.680 --> 822.680] There is no really pure mental processes, cognitive processes, there is no pure physical processes. +[822.680 --> 830.680] Everything touches everything, there is a wholeness and that wholeness is in motion. +[830.680 --> 843.680] The movement practice takes this bits and examine them and here is a pragmatic thing that the scientist, the cerebral thinking about movement. +[843.680 --> 848.680] This is important. The emotional side. +[848.680 --> 861.680] The coloring, the colors and the textures of motion, a lot of people who are involved with the movement practice never end up feeling motions, really focusing on how it makes you feel or how it feels itself. +[861.680 --> 867.680] And then the actual movement, the action, action, emotion and thought. +[867.680 --> 882.680] Those are three streams of movement and they interlace together into this kind of a braided experience and whole experience and I try to bring all these aspects into my practice and the way that I live my life. +[882.680 --> 900.680] I think most people who embark on a movement practice will first want to know which movements to do, squats, planks, push-ups, pirouettes, pick your movement. +[900.680 --> 910.680] Are there any sort of just basic entry points that you believe everybody should walk through as they embrace a movement practice? +[910.680 --> 926.680] The first time and maybe even every time they do a movement practice. Earlier today I had the great privilege of being guided through a long series of movement practices and yet the first practice we did involved at first anyway, stillness, not movement. +[926.680 --> 939.680] So if you would, could you inform us how people should think about approaching a movement practice? What is the first layer of any good movement practice? +[939.680 --> 947.680] So you touch the word movements and it's important for me to separate it from the word movement with a capital M. +[947.680 --> 957.680] Movements are the containers and movement is the content and the content cannot be carried in any way without containers. +[957.680 --> 969.680] So the first entry point is to choose containers and then the second thing to make sure is to put specific content into those containers and then enjoy them. +[969.680 --> 982.680] I tell people that it's like a cup of water and you're being handed that cup of water and nowadays very often people will start to chew on the cup instead of drinking the water, making it yours, discard the cup. +[982.680 --> 988.680] And then maybe later you want to have bone broth or soup so you use a different container, a bowl. +[988.680 --> 1004.680] So a movement practice to start can start from anywhere, it's a rhizome, it's an open system, it has no center, it's decentralized and it can be approached from anywhere and that's its magic and that's the benefit of it. +[1004.680 --> 1025.680] Some people find the body a good entry point, some people don't even enter from the body, sometimes you can enter from other perspectives and then inside the body for example where should we enter if we decided to take the body approach, the spine can be a nice decision but some will choose just the pelvis. +[1026.680 --> 1046.680] Any one of those points are valid and then playfulness can be an entry point and attribute or and this is so open so I don't want to limit people and limit their minds in the way that they engage with the practice but I also want to encourage the self inquiry. +[1046.680 --> 1051.680] Am I doing movement practice or am I doing a movement practice? +[1051.680 --> 1070.680] So could you help me distinguish the two a little bit further? I think I understand the difference between the sort of the noun versus the verbs and in some ways here we are dealing with the challenge of the barriers that language present to something that's physical right I mean indeed there may not be a +[1070.680 --> 1088.680] very active assume there is no perfect verbal language for movement there are certain movements that defy language I could say somebody jumped at a particular trajectory at a particular speed and move this limb in that limb but by fractionating it something is most definitely lost. +[1088.680 --> 1098.680] So if someone wanted to let's say get in better touch with their body in quotes in order to explore the infinite space that is movement. +[1098.680 --> 1105.680] How might they begin to approach that is it does he begin with an awareness with practice or both. +[1105.680 --> 1134.680] It begins with education that's probably the most stable point of entry awareness to some something as a concept that it is a concept that there is a validity or because sometimes people look for that to looking at these entity this open entity and that's part of the reason why answering questions is not something I can do or even attempt to do. +[1134.680 --> 1154.680] I believe in the power of the non complete process like making this table but living something and done not perfecting the product why because it offers some kind of a dynamic nature of evolution that naturally unravels from it. +[1154.680 --> 1162.680] Almost like sometimes I do it I count reps and I'll only count to nine. +[1162.680 --> 1183.680] Because it tends to live people in the count and it keeps going instead of giving them the 10 everyone wants to end on 10 yeah which is because of the decimal system it said so all kinds of things like that is also important with the movement idea is to discuss to examine to look. +[1183.680 --> 1212.680] To taste to try but then also not to try to capture because if you like the invisible loop of Hofstad if you look at it too closely it's gone but if you look away it functions and exists just like us very powerfully and obviously gives us the experiences that we have so when people enter movement practice it is about education bringing some awareness to the fact that they are living in the same way. +[1212.680 --> 1241.680] Living in a body that they are living in motion that their mind is a type of movement that their life is a type of movement bringing attention to the movement of the emotions as well bringing just attention to the fact that things are in motion that you're a cleat us panteray all influx nothing stops besides something that is the background of it. +[1241.680 --> 1255.680] And allows it to express and this is the beauty of things and this for me is the movement practice is this examination and bringing this awareness into things as we sit now here I'm also aware of my body. +[1255.680 --> 1273.680] I'm also aware of the way that things make me feel the way that your face is communicating to me and I'm not just in some limited and very verbal, overly verbal state because it misses a lot of the beautiful flux. +[1273.680 --> 1295.680] I'm going to inject some or project some ideas and perhaps you would tell me if they're ridiculous potentially useful or useful as I understand what we're talking about now and what we've discussed earlier is that movement can and should be incorporated into one's entire life. +[1295.680 --> 1304.680] Even heard you say that even before getting out of bed in the morning one can experience movement and it doesn't necessarily have to be of the intimate kind with somebody else it's. +[1304.680 --> 1316.680] It can be paying attention to the rhythm of one's breath or how you get out of the bed or actually an anticipation of you arriving here today I noticed that as I was going up and down the stairs in this in this house. +[1316.680 --> 1345.680] That I was injecting a little bit of playfulness in the way that I might have many many decades ago but haven't for a very long time and I asked myself whether or not that's what you do is referring to when he talks about threading this body awareness throughout the day as opposed to but of course not exclusive from just saying I have 45 minutes I'm going to do movement practice before I shower and have some dinner right I have to imagine both are helpful but in terms of moving through the day and having bodily awareness. +[1345.680 --> 1374.680] Clearly there are an infinite number of ways one could do that maybe you could just share a few you mentioned. I mean one could pay attention to their breath, could pay attention to posture and this notion of play is a very attractive or as we say in science it's a sticky concept concept that kind of draws one in maybe if you would could you share with us just some ideas to get people thinking about it maybe even incorporating movement practice into their day and maybe even touch on the way that I'm going to do. +[1374.680 --> 1379.680] Touch on the potential role of play or playfulness. +[1379.680 --> 1407.680] Yeah those are some good directions I think one thing is this what you call wordlessness I have been recommending to people nonverbal experiences and the awareness of the body which is not really the awareness of the body as you know not purely or not fully the awareness of motion is very good way to start to bring a word. +[1409.680 --> 1438.680] Awareness to that layer and that layer will start to get clarified more and more and more the more you practice and then it will enable for most people a safe haven away from many states and difficulties and will unlock a lot of potential attributes and strengths and freshness and a lot of beautiful things really one of the really perspectives about who we are comes from person who influenced my life. +[1439.680 --> 1449.680] I think a lot more she felt and cries the late motion felt and cries and he talks about the body as the core three elements the core nervous system. +[1449.680 --> 1468.680] To is the mechanical system of muscle skeleton et cetera and the third is the environment which is a unique way to look at it and it talks about how the nervous system is both get receiving information from the outside and from the inside and in the first years of life. +[1468.680 --> 1489.680] You work a lot on differentiating those what is me and what is not me and I think movement when you feel movement you feel the movement of the outside that is of course arriving to you and receiving this and also your own internal movement and the same can be said for stillness. +[1490.680 --> 1517.680] So bringing the attention into those layers it's a tricky thing it's one of those elusive things to look at but it's definitely of huge benefit to start to train it start to practice it to feel not our thoughts not necessarily our body but to start to recognize the dynamic nature the flux the motion and it occurs and all these layers. +[1518.680 --> 1528.680] So you can you can you will need to find it in multiple occasions before you start to more and more make it your own make it really yours. +[1529.680 --> 1536.680] How for example simple pragmatic things I used to do this I spent some time in Hong Kong. +[1536.680 --> 1565.680] I would need to get my practice in but I'm really turned off from commercial gyms and there is not a lot of nature accessible there so I would just strap on my bag and I would walk the streets of Hong Kong which are very crowded and I would try to avoid touching anyone and it would be like two hours of just like involved fully involved fully my body and experiencing beautiful things and enjoying and developing myself as well. +[1566.680 --> 1590.680] In all kinds of scenarios up and down in the escalators and off so this is an example of a way to practice and then the way that we're sitting like this chairs for example our chairs are not very dynamic but there is rocking chairs right and this is something I recommend for a lot of kids like in schools I used to rock on the chair. +[1590.680 --> 1596.680] Which is very common yeah I can't wait underneath my chair roll back and forth and the teacher would tell me to stop. +[1597.680 --> 1612.680] Slowly little by little trying to get the most subtle movement I could without you them telling me they were going to take it away which is probably horrible horrible advice and instruction just like see it up straight and to with your mouth closed because they remove. +[1612.680 --> 1623.680] A lot of the self education and a lot of the self development and the practical and discoveries that are necessary and even will damage focus and. +[1624.680 --> 1632.680] Thinking processes in some ways and so I will for example I would make the chairs even more mobile. +[1632.680 --> 1661.680] And I would support more motion and then I would be able to bring attention there but I would also be able to bring attention away from it into other things and it keeps refreshing me so I don't become stale the water doesn't stand this is the beauty of movement so you can focus for long periods of time and doing incredible things with the mind with focus with awareness attention and it's with skin in the game so I'm not talking as some meditation. +[1662.680 --> 1685.680] I'm a writer and he's describing the act of being very focused but then I put a stick on the edge of his fingers and I tell him balance it he everyone can do it for 10 seconds and I tell him okay now hold the 10 minutes and you see that the skill has he has no skin in the game it wasn't developed in various scenarios but so there is a delusion that start to develop. +[1686.680 --> 1702.680] And that's that's how movement keeps me very honest and humble in the way that I view humility and in a way that protects me and and keeps me yeah keeps me fresh. +[1702.680 --> 1726.680] I love the example of moving through the crowded street with a backpack because of the way in which it's completely adaptive to the situation you happen to be in and highlights the fact that one doesn't need a gym or any specific scenario although we will certainly touch on ideal learning circumstances for movement and some of the work that you're doing of course. +[1726.680 --> 1755.680] The less of your own personal practice and understanding and knowledge you've done the more toys you need the more you've really worked on yourself the more high tech you are the more low tech are your tools the more high tech you are and this is the most advanced technology by far on this planet with all the advancement it doesn't even start to scratch and you know it from the way that we understand it. +[1756.680 --> 1779.680] And the eyes all the way to with all due respect to the Boston robotics a five year old motion movements or animal motion was very under developed still relatively to us systems so important to to remind ourselves a lot can be done with the body and gravity. +[1779.680 --> 1808.680] For a piece of floor piece of wall a corner of a room is a beautiful scenario which you can become discover in and play in and but we are not so developed so we don't see those options and this is something that I try to stimulate and that's why I made it a point to avoid any of the big sponsorship and and high tech tools and I on point brought a stick into. +[1808.680 --> 1821.680] You know big conventions and and see or I sometimes I use a shirt with holes in it that just like a use shirt as a point to make when i'm addressing a crowd to keep things. +[1821.680 --> 1839.680] We're where it's important and it's important we are important and our experience is important and we have to be very careful these these habits and these directions they come from many times good intention but they are. +[1839.680 --> 1868.680] The devil many times they turning to the devil just like our technology nowadays and what is happening with people with depression with meaning meaninglessness and also with the body in various perspectives or even I will also flip it into high performance sports and their price because for me this is not a movement practice it you racist the person in the center of it and then came places like. +[1869.680 --> 1890.680] skateboarding or break dancing or somebody with a disability becomes the best in the world turns into the biggest advantage but you would never be accepted into gymnastics class and I love that and that that change to place change in the center it it's important. +[1890.680 --> 1913.680] You touched on a mention of a few sports maybe it was Charles Paul Quinn or maybe it was another trainer that I heard once say that you know for kids one of the worst things they can do is over specialize in a particular sport the idea being that it leads to improvements in performance in a very narrow domain but. +[1913.680 --> 1929.680] They raise the idea that it could perhaps also constraints the development of the nervous system such that certain emotional state search certain intellectual abilities will forever be shut off because of the intense plasticity that occurs early in life. +[1929.680 --> 1958.680] The more I learn from you the more I'm thinking that that statement really should be extended to all of life and I love to remind people because I start off as a developmental nervous that development doesn't start an end you don't have childhood and adulthood our life is one long developmental arc from birth until death however long that might be so if one is going to be anti specialist maybe even call that a generalist what does that look like what are the different domains of movement practice +[1958.680 --> 1986.680] practice and as I asked this I realized I am in serious danger of fractionating movement into a list of words like strength and speed and explosiveness and suppleness a word that I've heard you use before and yet I think for most people because we think in words often some of those categories can be useful so let's say I was going to embark on a movement practice or a child was going to embark on a movement practice +[1986.680 --> 2002.680] that I don't think it either throughout the day or for a dedicated period of time what are the sorts of categories of movement that I might want to think about ballistic movement smooth movement maybe you could just enrich us with some of the some of the landscape around that. +[2002.680 --> 2023.680] I'll address the first part that you mentioned and I've learned from you about certain changes in the way that things develop later in life versus earlier in life and you're right it's something that transpolically and also mentioned and I learned from back in the day as well from him +[2023.680 --> 2045.680] which can seem dark a bit and and and kind of hopeless but then you should go beyond that and one thing that does seem to to to to appear for me when I look around is this the concepts of unique postures +[2045.680 --> 2070.680] and I think this is true for postures of thought emotional postures and movement postures truly earlier in life we are creating these unique postures and they get into these drawers or like a language letters later in life +[2070.680 --> 2092.680] the process moves more towards integration of these unique postures into all different organizations the beauty of it is that you can use very few postures to create many possibilities just like a libnits search for a language that contain one symbol only versus two which he discovered +[2092.680 --> 2116.680] and this is something that is often seen like you take someone who moves in a certain way and you teach him all these new sports or techniques but essentially if you look deeply in your sensitive you see it's the same postures that he will have to work with till the end of his life +[2116.680 --> 2139.680] the same thinking postures and this is really problematic where we are we are not freeing the mind beyond this how would I say a scaffolding of thinking and we are actually letting go of the content +[2139.680 --> 2156.680] we get more and more focused on the way of thinking versus the thinking itself or habitual ways and forms of thinking associative thinking etc. +[2156.680 --> 2181.680] and emotionally the same we are constructing this emotional postures and then we have to go through the rest of our lives working with that so this is the dark side but of course there are always possibilities both I think invading this early system to some extent even if it's 5% or 7% or whatever percent +[2181.680 --> 2210.680] and also on the freeing yourself of going beyond all postures period working with the postures you have but towards a posture less way of doing things so this is something interesting to work when people work with movements but finally are able to go into movement and this magic starts to happen and then the techniques fall apart and something appears +[2210.680 --> 2239.680] and it's a face change it's a transformation it's not a it's a binary moment there is a jump there for sure and it's very rare to see both in thinking and emotionally and in other ways we have many names for it and some talk about enlightenment and some talk about all kind of processes related to it and I think most of them are shadows of the sun but it's not the sun itself really. +[2241.680 --> 2263.680] And then talking about ways of thinking about movement this is where I use something I call my slice and dice because of the problem of using words and definitions and categories I try to create a lot of them and I write them on the paper and then I crumble them throw them into the bin and I keep doing it all my life. +[2263.680 --> 2288.680] The writing them down and the geeking on it is very important also very important to let it go I tell people what you forgot is not the same for forgetting is not the same as never knowing it the crumbling and throwing away is a form of forgetting but it leaves some kind of a homeopathic trace behind. +[2288.680 --> 2316.680] So let's take some slice and dice and try to look at it here is a physical one contraction relaxation that's a spectrum and pretty much everything falls on this spectrum also in terms of analyzing a person or yourself you can tell me if you feel closer to this side or closer to that side and then it allows you to examine your practices how many of the practices are. +[2316.680 --> 2326.680] Moving you towards balance and how many are it's your addiction of just doing what you're good at versus what you need. +[2327.680 --> 2330.680] And here is another example physical culture. +[2330.680 --> 2341.680] So we have the dance really working with internal concepts and expressing them obstruct concepts expression. +[2342.680 --> 2359.680] Second perspective the Marshall concept but not in the sense of just fighting but also partnering working with another person a dynamic entity that is communicating with you the third one is I call the elements working with the environment. +[2360.680 --> 2386.680] The next one is a somatic one is the internal practice and of course they are all gray zones and and another one is object manipulatory which you can think of it also is the environment but it's more small objects heavy objects many objects few objects and then you can look at this way of thinking and you can say I have many of my practices in this direction but not say and you can draw it for yourself. +[2387.680 --> 2406.680] So that's another perspective and this way I use dozens of perspectives and with the years it gives people a sense of where they want to go how they want to do it and what they need to address versus what they like to address it's helpful very helpful those different bins are very helpful. +[2407.680 --> 2414.680] I really appreciate that you mentioned that people will often practice what they're good at as opposed to what they need in. +[2415.680 --> 2433.680] Jim culture we refer to this as the guy that always skips leg day person right you know big upper body skinny legs or you'll see people that have enormous torsos and they're bench pressing all day but they clearly need to pull on an object every once in a while to create some balance but they don't do it because. +[2433.680 --> 2443.680] They're for whatever reason they have an obsession with moving greater and greater poundage or something like that which in certain. +[2444.680 --> 2452.680] Sports like powerlifting where aesthetics aren't the goal and it's simply to push more weight off one's chest you could imagine that there's something beneficial there however. +[2452.680 --> 2480.680] I think that it's really important in intellectual endeavors and in movement endeavors by understand correctly to bring oneself to a place of real challenge on a regular basis in fact earlier today I was in a state of constant challenge because it was all new to me and as much as I told myself beginners mine beginners mine beginners mine it it's hard I confess to not want to do well to perform well right and I think that's a natural and healthy thing. +[2480.680 --> 2509.680] Not only natural it is necessary but I want you to keep it on that side and to bring something to balance it if there is not this challenge the process will not work it has to be this scale and you're talking about scales of pain pleasure and this is another scale and this discomfort again is necessary and should be recognized as I'm in the right place when it becomes so. +[2510.680 --> 2539.680] It's too high and I'm unable to resolve to make any progress I went overboard but when it's not present I don't do nothing here nothing that I'm truly interested in I'm just gratifying myself when curry is in essence it's not about searching for the discomfort but it's a marker. +[2539.680 --> 2566.680] And I think the question should be who am I serving because people do not serve themselves in essence they serve part parts of it some kind of a fraction of themselves and this separation of oneself from oneself and this is also a result of the practice a good practice. +[2566.680 --> 2580.680] I think maybe the biggest gift I received from the practice is I'm I can say although it will take a maybe a certain context I'm not my friend. +[2580.680 --> 2600.680] At times I am but many times I'm not my friend and by creating this separation I can assume a certain stability in the face of everything all the way up to our own mortality and this which is and maybe beyond who knows. +[2600.680 --> 2614.680] It was a striking moment for me earlier today when I was really challenged with one of the practices we were doing and you said this is exactly the what I experienced this morning Andrew that's what you said. +[2614.680 --> 2631.680] And I couldn't imagine that you were having challenges doing the what I was attempting to do and of course you were what I believe what you were referring to is that you had put yourself at that edge earlier in the day in which you were making failures you were you were failing to execute the way that you were attempting to execute movement. +[2631.680 --> 2659.680] I just to inject some neuroscience and neuroplasticity there I can't help myself is what I do after all there are beautiful data in animals and human showing that in the seconds and minutes after a failed attempt at a motor execution of something the forbrain is in a heightened state of focus and when you hear it suddenly makes perfect sense of course why would the nervous system change unless it got a cue to change and the cue. +[2659.680 --> 2688.680] So I was almost always comes in the form of frustration that the as we said earlier the national is the one that preps you to extract more learning from the subsequent trials and yet for a lot of people they feel that that failure to execute or even to approximate execution and they feel and experience that negative signal and they lean out of the practice. +[2688.680 --> 2693.680] They start to depart either mentally or physically or both and if there's anything I think that. +[2693.680 --> 2717.680] Perhaps we can offer us this understanding that that edges some people call it or that failures aren't just necessary they are part of the learning process they are the entry gate to neuroplasticity yes contextualizing or re contextualizing that sensation is something I work a lot with and I just remind the people and I also remind it to myself. +[2718.680 --> 2740.680] And if it wasn't difficult and we didn't need to redo it again and again we wouldn't be again on this correct scale which is dynamic and moving just like rolling down hill so there is there is definitely a necessity to succeed to orient the research aspects that you want to achieve but then there is also. +[2740.680 --> 2769.680] So the letting go of it and the the ambitioning of it and the and within that tension the plus and the minus comes movement and that that's how the the and again if I stretch it too far away or if I increase one of them to my is then I would have some issues but you will with practice learn to recognize the optimal point of progression of course it's a it takes many years and a lot of. +[2769.680 --> 2798.680] Play and exposure to get a sense of it regardless of the layer in which it is applied so i'm sure in your field and in your pursuits you are already aware of it and applying it in your life talking about focus talking about ways of thinking creativity etc but then it's enough that I I pull into another perspective and you will see that people are specialist and and then they don't have really the real. +[2798.680 --> 2826.680] The real essence of the of the concept it's not theirs it's applied specifically the one who changes all the time gets the general component because what appears when everything changes that is that new entity everything changes something stays that's what we want to get this concept and this understanding i've heard the statement before we are just a meat vehicle right we're just a. +[2826.680 --> 2832.680] Sack of cells and it's and I truly despise that statement because first of all it. +[2833.680 --> 2837.680] It deprives us of all meaning in of our lives and we can. +[2838.680 --> 2846.680] Go down the route of philosophy as to whether or not there's meaning or not but more importantly it divorces us from the idea that the body and brain are interconnected and. +[2847.680 --> 2854.680] Have at least equal value at any one moment that they're informing each other emotions and for movement movement informs emotions. +[2854.680 --> 2857.680] One thing that i've heard you say before and I really. +[2858.680 --> 2868.680] Have to hear you in bellish on is this this important principle that human beings are truly unique in terms of the enormous range of movements that we can perform. +[2869.680 --> 2883.680] And yet we are excellent maybe superior to all other species at certain types of movement the one that comes to mind is walking stride striding so maybe we could just explore that that idea. +[2884.680 --> 2892.680] Because obviously a cheetah is very fast the given seems to have a lot of proficiency at grabbing and swinging from branches. +[2893.680 --> 2902.680] But human beings perform an enormous or can potentially perform an enormous array of movements do you think all human beings are potentially able to. +[2903.680 --> 2905.680] Explore all the different types of movement. +[2906.680 --> 2921.680] And if so how does one approach that so basically what i'm doing is i'm tabling a concept which is not range of motion right for the for the gym rats discard with range of motion i'm talking about the variety of movements. +[2921.680 --> 2945.680] First is not important what i think if it's possible or not possible or if it's even possible for you or not possible for you what is important is what you truly want to do what you truly are after and it's important for me because many times this way of thinking about things is already limited. +[2945.680 --> 2964.680] I like to say a man doesn't go to the ocean to empty it with a spoon a lot of the types of dressing up of the concepts nowadays is trying to fit an elephant into the hole in the needle yeah. +[2964.680 --> 2973.680] Like for example the concept of practice and then our lives as if we have a life. +[2974.680 --> 2991.680] We have some kind of a stream of behaviors we have there is an argument of free will etc there is a multiplicity definitely a man is a legend that's the real meaning of that phrase. +[2991.680 --> 3016.680] One day you wake up like this I say Andrew let's meet tomorrow at 7 am but I don't know who's going to wake up tomorrow and then you send me a text message i'm feeling off right at 655 and go back to sleep so examining that and seeing that I think frees you up eventually and start to orient you in a better direction. +[3016.680 --> 3033.680] So what do you want to do and what but in the orientation of also what you need to do what you sense and what you are developing as a evolutionary direction for you this is the important bit. +[3033.680 --> 3044.680] Is it possible for everyone to engage in certain specific physical movement for example in Scandinavian countries the squat is not very approachable it's a. +[3044.680 --> 3072.680] It's a it's very difficult there are more built for dragging heavy things and also in this climate I guess it makes less sense to squat and because you're going to freeze there so this is and you then you see the squatting in warm climates and it's like so open and accessible they're very good dead lifters usually not good squatters and. +[3072.680 --> 3083.680] The shell away from the ground yeah the shallow hips socket which allows one activity but then the stability of the deep hips socket the architecture of of the hip. +[3083.680 --> 3093.680] The femur heads the key angles the shapes etc so we're all unique and there are certain elements which like for example my squat challenges like. +[3093.680 --> 3122.680] For most people there is something there but you remind people what the squat challenges the squat was my attempt to bring a new fresh state of mind into the words squat not as a strength element not but it's a fundamental resting position really actually should be one of the most abundant ones we replaced it with sitting which is not really doesn't work well if you're in a natural environment. +[3122.680 --> 3151.680] It's not very comfortable actually to sit for long periods of time rocks and different terrain so you end up lying down standing and squatting a lot also when you're moving low and dynamic like even collecting berries the squat is much more dynamic and open and then elimination is happening there so it's like it's such a fundamental thing and we totally eliminated it we eliminated many other things overhead movements behind the back all kinds of things. +[3151.680 --> 3180.680] All kinds of back real and what I call the back real and is totally absent in in people's awareness so that was my attempt to bring it back into people and I recommend I recommended to in order to really get the transformation going to accumulate and 30 minutes a day in the squat position unloaded just resting down not correct not erect many people make this mistake they didn't read through the whole thing is just resting down there and of course you are. +[3180.680 --> 3209.680] Of course you have to be mindful of those ages some people will get hurt if they try to do it too quickly so they might need a build up process towards it and also I'm not talking about 30 minutes straight and about accumulation throughout the day and this does a lot of good for digestive problems for lower back pain for heat pains for knees and generally for aging because it's basically folding your body in the most basic way. +[3209.680 --> 3219.680] Are you folding your body if you're not folding your body you will lose the foldability of your body and this is probably the easiest and the most abundant way to fold the body. +[3220.680 --> 3233.680] So but this is an example of something that can be very useful with many many people but there will always be unique individuals which need something else and the +[3233.680 --> 3244.680] benefits in examining things and also their benefits in getting hurt which is not often discussed especially not in these parts. +[3245.680 --> 3258.680] So I'm one of the only ones as a teacher that says I injured many of my students and if I did not do that I would be totally useless for them as well. +[3259.680 --> 3263.680] The totally safe system has nothing to offer. +[3264.680 --> 3279.680] Nothing is totally safe and we can of course we don't approach it with a ballsy or matureistic thing but we are aware that sometimes we have to go beyond the boundaries and hopefully those would be the small injuries that will help us avoid the big injuries. +[3279.680 --> 3297.680] But if you try to avoid the small injuries maybe you'll get those big injuries in there so examining which types and forms of movement the location of the body and speed of execution the type of organization of the body which is a whole thing that we can discuss. +[3297.680 --> 3326.680] All of this is up for the grabs and something that we have to create individual relationship with hopefully with good guidance where we can get the right scenarios facilitator of good scenarios for our learning which is what I try to do unless of a technical state of mind do this ABC or like chunking what I really dislike from long times like many people that I'm not going to be able to do that. +[3327.680 --> 3355.680] They tell me have you met this guy is an amazing teacher because he chunked the process into this bits and not even in the correct places to chunks and it doesn't offer it locks us this state of mind I talk about the chemistry model my I call it my chemistry model where an atom and molecule and then a compound is conceptualized versus just chunking so there is an actual evolution like I call it also sketch learning. +[3355.680 --> 3371.680] I'm not going to try to draw you if I know anything about art and drawing I'm going to start by capturing something very rough and I need to practice that first that dynamic entity before I go into the rendering and the shading etc. +[3372.680 --> 3382.680] So the same way to learn things so big picture to small details and unlike many of my teachers that I ran into and I say. +[3383.680 --> 3394.680] With the greatest respect because I don't know who taught me more my good teachers or my worst teachers and but some of them just teach from the small details into a big picture that never arrives. +[3395.680 --> 3404.680] Given that humans can generate such a broad array of types of movement run jump duck squat leap at all these types of movements. +[3405.680 --> 3412.680] Do you think there's value in observing the movements of other animal species I know I certainly enjoy watching other animals move. +[3412.680 --> 3441.680] I think the most one of the more spectacular animal facts that was shared with me is when I was a graduate student someone down the hall was working on the little pedals of the chameleon as it which can walk up walls and it was a great mysteries whether or not they were suction but turns out they can do it in a vacuum so it's not suction whether or not there was some sticky substance and it turned out I feel compelled to share this with you so I'm going to do it is I have a feeling it will lead us to it and it's going to be a great idea to do it. +[3442.680 --> 3455.680] It's going to be a great idea to do it to an inside of some sort that those little tiny pedals are so thin and so close together that the the chameleon actually sticks to the wall by what are called Vanderval forces. +[3456.680 --> 3463.680] Meaning it's a very weak molecular force but strong enough to stick to the wall because they are actually exchanging molecules with the surface they're on. +[3463.680 --> 3483.680] Obviously we can't do that and yet I spent hours because they were in the lab next or watching videos of these little chameleons walk and the articulation of these feet is incredible because they're literally rolling those little pedals along in a way that it defies anything else I've ever seen. +[3483.680 --> 3498.680] I told myself this was useful a because I thought it was interesting but b because I never really thought about how I articulate my foot I've thought about being a heel striker or a toe striker when I run and no one can tell me which one I'm supposed to be maybe you can you can tell me but. +[3498.680 --> 3513.680] But the point is or I suppose the question is do you think there's value in observing the extremes of animal kingdom movement as a way to inform the play space and the exploration space of our own human movement practice. +[3514.680 --> 3527.680] I think so I think it's first it's inspiring it's it opens up but I will take it away from the romantic point of view and I would offer another way to do it. +[3528.680 --> 3557.680] So I think the way to examine all these movements exist in us in ways in certain ways like the work of a Grocovetski on the spine the spinal engine and to see how this old ways of moving even all the way up to exoskeletons and like primary very ancient or even single cell things are still within us to a certain extent and then. +[3558.680 --> 3569.680] Of course this gets developed and like the Darwinian state of mind got stuck for many years on the survival of the fittest. +[3569.680 --> 3583.680] But actually I believe I always believe the nice I saw some information about it lately that mutation is the heart of the model not survival of the fittest yeah people often hear the word mutation and they think +[3583.680 --> 3612.680] mutations are bad there are maladaptive mutations and then there are adaptive mutations for sure and if this places the word change in the heart of it what it wants to do change so it does not want to become better there is an inherent change in it and then of course they become better at exo is at fittest is the secondary perspective. +[3613.680 --> 3621.680] So I think the way to see the difference is that there is a stronger more ancient driving force into the process. +[3621.680 --> 3634.680] So for me this is cool to see these animals take it all the way to this extreme but it's also still reflecting within us so I love to do like for example I introduce with people spinal waves. +[3634.680 --> 3663.680] And by bringing these waves into the body sometimes you get weird experiences like emotional releases and sometimes and and and other times it can become an incredible tool to help an athlete which specialized and reach the top of the top and then you de frag his system a little bit and offer him some freshness and and some segmental movement and first you fuck him up that's usually the case technically he's off. +[3663.680 --> 3692.680] He's coordination is off but later the growth will arrive it's a form of playfulness it's a form of examining things regardless of their success or failure more understanding the change is important and then after that we can also look at the more competitive state of mind and the more success and failure orientation and but there is no game without change so this is the primary one. +[3692.680 --> 3715.680] And that's why I say okay you want to succeed in the tasks like we did earlier but you stayed within the game to sustain the game the infinite versus finite game right perspective to sustain the game means to continue to change continue to transform and then to win the game sometimes mean game over. +[3716.680 --> 3723.680] And so it's yeah within that tension I think it's beautiful to play and to exist and to be. +[3724.680 --> 3744.680] You mentioned something that for me is an incredibly important concept for a couple of reasons and you mentioned these spinal waves right I have to assume that taking the torso for us you know movement morons that are I'll just refer to in course terms and set the rastic spine so I mean I will stay away from the technical anatomy and the torso and creating movement. +[3745.680 --> 3751.680] And either side decide on do underlation or arching and extension of the spine. +[3752.680 --> 3756.680] Yeah, doors, sell ventral side to side rotation as well as spiraling. +[3757.680 --> 3774.680] Is is have you ever had the experience that of yourself or other people engaging those types of movements and experiencing particular categories of emotions and I have a particular reason for asking this there's no right or wrong answer of course but I'm just curious whether or not movement of the +[3775.680 --> 3792.680] core of the body things close to the midline as opposed to far away from the midline like the digits far is there any do you have any evidence that that can evoke a certain category of emotional states evidence I have none but I have experience and I have some thoughts about it. +[3793.680 --> 3802.680] Either role is known to have created role thing or structural integration said the issues are in the tissues. +[3802.680 --> 3830.680] And around the spine the spine is us as you know I can take an arm off a limb but there is there's been attempts but there is no brainy alone this cerebral thing alone that the spine and the maybe more parts of and systems inside the doors are important so that's why I like to start from that core entity and then these little fluctuations they create. +[3832.680 --> 3847.680] They unblocks things that they start to move things and you can avoid funny enough mobilizing those areas by doing big frame motions and competitive motions and techniques all your life. +[3847.680 --> 3864.680] So even someone most yogis for example they look extremely mobile but then when you're actually going into the small what what I call the small frame I borrowed this from Chinese martial arts small frame big frame the big frame is this big changes of our. +[3864.680 --> 3882.680] Total body in space posture and then the small frame is barely moving but mobilizing the little bits that comprise the same pretty much posture so these are very beneficial and it has totally disappeared from our physical culture when you introduce it back. +[3882.680 --> 3902.680] The small frame offers the big frame but the big frame doesn't offer the small frame because of course the small detail come together into the big picture so if I want to place my body in a specific position and I have all these bits moving well I can construct it in whatever way I want but if I just work on the big one. +[3902.680 --> 3931.680] More most chances are I just mobilized certain areas while other areas are totally held or blocked and then I'm specialized one more time take me out of this really and I'll have difficulties what will sit there in this nation emotion material thoughts traumas that's why people get discharges and the body memory is not what we think it is that's not the right thing. +[3932.680 --> 3958.680] That's how I believe it is stored in a lot everywhere and I've had those experiences a lot of people have the opposite when a certain emotion is evoked they start to undulate the spine so this can be worked from this direction from this direction and I believe by applying such a practice it is wise. +[3958.680 --> 3985.680] You basically turn over the land and you are allowing things to shift and to move and to adapt so I highly recommend it and we teach it in a very elaborate and gradual way and and this is needed really because people when they just go into like some general recommendation they usually just get stuck into a new pattern that's final wave okay. +[3985.680 --> 4005.680] So I've been using again this slice and dice like teaching dozens of systems of moving the torso until a person is free to really move the torso like the language is created the the small enough units are created in your understanding from all these systems and then you improvise you reach the highest level of the practice. +[4006.680 --> 4030.680] I love the answer I let me tell you a bit of why I asked so there's a principle in in neural neuroscience but especially in neuro evolution they call it evo de vo sometimes evolution and development hell those link if you look at so we have motor neurons as you know but for the audience that are living our spinal cord that caused transmission and contraction of the muscles allows to move our limbs. +[4030.680 --> 4059.680] And then we have motor neurons up here called upper motor neurons that control the motor lower one so when something is reflexive or learned we were not thinking about it so to speak we mainly use the lower modern runs we know this because you can do an experiment to rather barbaric experiment but it's been done many times called creating a disserabrate cat you actually remove the neocortex and these cats will walk on a treadmill it's called fictive motion no problem at all there are human beings who don't have a neocortex or much of their neocortex is missing big. +[4060.680 --> 4074.680] Generate perfectly fine movement pattern has been download that's right and it's truly downloaded into the into the spine and the connection between the spine and muscles now the motor neurons that control the spinal waves as you call them. +[4074.680 --> 4099.680] Are of a particular category they have a molecular signature of physiological signature they were identified by he's dead now but a and it a biologist at Columbia University Tom Jessel and many of a scientific offspring here's what's interesting in fish or in animals that really only have the opportunity to unulate and flap their little you know fins. +[4100.680 --> 4119.680] The motor neurons that control underlation in those animals are identical molecularly to the motor neurons that control the spinal underlation in humans what's been added in human evolution are extra rose literally categories of molecularly distinct neurons so that as you move from the center of the body outward. +[4119.680 --> 4146.680] Unlike a fish which can move its fins but can't actually articulate doesn't have digits we have special motor neurons to move these little bits these bits these bits and I can't do a spinal wave but but I can do the mood does thing like the belly thing that comes from seeing the movie ET when I was a kid and puffing out my stomach and then realizing that I could wave it but only in one direction okay not up anyway. +[4146.680 --> 4167.680] The the yogis out there can chuckle at that but the yogis actually do it to decide oh do that yeah I don't know if I can do that anyway my spinal wave is weak but I'll work on it but what I find so interesting about these layers of so I don't want to say sophistication but these with evolution. +[4167.680 --> 4189.680] Came the addition of more pools of opportunity is motor neuron pools as they're called opportunity to engage in new more elaborate types of movement but with each new pool became the opportunity to create combinations of new movement and so the reason I asked you why spinal waves create one category of movement is that if you touch a fish on one side of its body. +[4189.680 --> 4205.680] It moves to the opposite side it never moves toward it but earlier we were doing a practice somewhat similar of testing this similar reflex and sometimes I or someone will move toward a touch we don't deviate to the opposite side so. +[4205.680 --> 4231.680] So I have this untested at least formally tested hypothesis that movements of small digits and portions of our distal as they're called far from the midline body parts evoke different sensations maybe even far more subtle sensations than movements of the core of our body and the stuff closer to the spine again it's just a theory but. +[4231.680 --> 4255.680] I'm grateful for your answer because it lands at least in the general vector direction of of my idea here the central orientation is mostly gone from our culture we don't even walk basically these days if you look at traditional culture the amount of walking you do on a rest day on it's huge and so. +[4255.680 --> 4285.280] We started to create technologies to bring everything into the periphery controlling it with the fingertips etc so we have incredible neurological development relating to this but our central patterns swimming running jumping throwing throwing is not pushing away that's an example right like some people when you give them all the throw the you can tell if they've never thrown a ball that throw like a girl that is often said here in the US. +[4285.280 --> 4303.280] And it's of course unfair but it it relates to experience right that is less less maybe promoted or offered for females so you get this this peripheral pattern instead of a central generated pattern that progresses towards the extremities. +[4304.280 --> 4314.280] One thing I wanted to ask you is I know an area that is not often mentioned is that some of these ancient patterns and systems. +[4315.280 --> 4327.280] Our primary in many ways hence those newer developments inside of us are constrained by using the connections running through these ancient systems hence. +[4327.280 --> 4345.280] We are much more limited by the gene pool we are hitchhikers on a piece of DNA like to say and and that gene pool is like is driving something so primary that even when you are in. +[4345.280 --> 4374.280] You are in kind of the driver seat in your eyes you're actually not or you're being totally constrained by that and I want to hear about this yeah the recently we had a guest on the podcast name Eric Jarvis he's a professor at Rockefeller who was offered a position to dance with the Alvin a Lee dance company so an accomplished dancer and comes from a musical family chose to become a neuroscientist instead and study speech and language. +[4375.280 --> 4382.280] He said something incredible several incredible things that really looking forward to getting your reflections on. +[4382.280 --> 4404.280] First of all he said that when you look at the species in the kingdom of animals including us that have elaborate language and true song they all also have the capacity to dance all the it turns out hummingbirds actually have a dance and a song capacity that perhaps the world is going to be a little more. +[4405.280 --> 4420.280] This is the going idea now in neuroscience and evolution of the brain that singing actually came before finally articulated speech and language that voice involved first to sing to communicate I mean to a non-sie. +[4420.280 --> 4449.280] You know you know but then song may may have come first where you have song you have dance and the capacity to dance which of course is movement of the body and where you have song and dance you always find that those species can generate elaborate language now the simple version of this is OK sophisticated brains tend to create clusters of sophisticated capabilities but the other possibility and it's the one that Jarvis proposes and I think it's in line with what your. +[4449.280 --> 4478.280] Perhaps raising here is the idea that movement of the body and range and sophistication of movement of the body through all these different systems may have actually promoted or even driven the evolution of the things that we think of as you know speech and language and the ability to have multiple words for the same concept or to have elaborate articulation of speech I find this incredibly attractive as an idea. +[4478.280 --> 4488.280] Because certainly from as a hierarchy of needs we needed to move first to survive into maiden to flee into attack. +[4488.280 --> 4495.280] It makes perfect sense to me that the layers would be built up fundamentally from the body to the mind and not the other way around. +[4495.280 --> 4504.280] So that's one piece and then the other piece which I'll just share for any reflections you might have that I just blew me away was. +[4504.280 --> 4508.280] Jarvis told me that when we read. +[4508.280 --> 4530.280] If and this has been done experimentally if one records the EMG the low level muscular activity in the larynx and fairings we are actually repeating the words that we read but so subtly so that we don't actually speak them out unless there's some sort of neurologic deficit which some people have some people mumble why they read but. +[4530.280 --> 4537.280] What that tells me is that language is movement and movement is language so again we have this convergence but. +[4537.280 --> 4548.280] At a very basic level I'd love your reflections on those are all his ideas I want to say I'm just repeating what he said and not nearly as precisely as he did but. +[4548.280 --> 4559.280] How do you think of movement as either the foundation of language or as its own language that perhaps even defies words. +[4561.280 --> 4574.280] Wow those are beautiful perspectives and I definitely feel feel the same there's a lot to say about singing and dancing as well as also as a form of. +[4574.280 --> 4580.280] Ancient programs of transmission. +[4580.280 --> 4591.280] Sometimes there is this in some ancient practices the mantras and the people don't realize that. +[4591.280 --> 4599.280] They are tantric practices they contain a form of vibrating and breathing. +[4600.280 --> 4620.280] All tied together into very elaborate way to promote a certain effect and how would you do something like this in ancient times this is ingenious we even until today we need a full book to describe something that wouldn't work as well so it's like a very ancient form of transmission. +[4621.280 --> 4641.280] The more accurate we became with the language the more dead it became because it is it is less of a movement entity it is less of a dynamic entity from its nature and that's why you keep on shimasa as its corrupt it corrupts us. +[4642.280 --> 4647.280] So definitely definitely the the the. +[4647.280 --> 4665.280] Conducing force or the primary force for me is movement that is experienced every time we talk about movement basically even now we are spilling it into a container to call it what it is but it is beyond that. +[4666.280 --> 4683.280] So then it is applied into dancing into singing into language there is no other language that I see as a primary mode and this is a nature of space time things moving. +[4683.280 --> 4704.280] So I think I think everything moves into the direction of understanding that more and more and the maybe it's not so popular to call it movement people have some connotations and it's okay you can throw away this word and put another word and we probably need to do that also like regularly like I start to see the end of this word for me. +[4704.280 --> 4729.280] And things get corrupted again over use the views and then we need the we need a new word and that's even that word is only needed for communication and for specific processes of education exchange it's important to stay within the experiences it's important to continue to promote scenarios in which the experience is primary. +[4730.280 --> 4748.280] More open experience let's say and not try to hold down and define overly accurately or if it's done throwing it away and starting again so there is no winning concept you got to the winning concept you got nothing. +[4749.280 --> 4759.280] You were able to grab it you were able to this very science right like we got it we got it and then it turns out to be nothing and. +[4759.280 --> 4760.280] And. +[4761.280 --> 4788.280] Like more and more time passes I feel science is becoming more humble and things are being discussed in in in this way and because really what the science do report the sun came up a certain amount of billions of times and then tomorrow it will come up as statistics yeah it's good prediction yeah. +[4789.280 --> 4794.280] But we can go beyond there is something inside of us that can go beyond. +[4794.280 --> 4810.280] Hard to communicate I can't offer it right now here but I have the experience and thankfully I have a practice and a way to sense it to feel it and to re examine it and then we can talk about it and have something from that and. +[4810.280 --> 4815.280] Edward Wilson the great sociobiologist actually found the field of sociobiology e.o. +[4815.280 --> 4828.280] Wilson they call him Edward Wilson had this beautiful word and indeed named a book actually the word was better than the book sorry Wilson but the book was a little bit me and during for my taste but then again he's the Harvard professor not me. +[4828.280 --> 4846.280] Well Stanford pretty darn good the this word is conciliates this idea of a leaping together of divergent forms of knowledge to create a truly valuable concept which I love I love it because of course I'm formally trained as a scientist I look at things mainly through the lens of neuroscience but. +[4846.280 --> 4864.280] Experiences real and observation is real and even in the field of medicine you have you know double blind placebo controlled clinical trials and then you have case studies and of one right not often discussed right I mean H. M. the most famous. +[4864.280 --> 4874.280] Example in neuroscience of a patient that had no hippocampus informed us more about the process of memory and indeed the function of the hippocampus then. +[4874.280 --> 4895.280] Thousands of independent experiments that follow so you can't have one you need all these different forms of exploration which is you know I think I think we share the belief if I may that convergent forms of knowledge eventually this process of concealants can eject a new concept and yet the challenge again is that. +[4895.280 --> 4899.280] If we don't have a language for it becomes hard to transmit. +[4899.280 --> 4902.280] One of the things that. +[4902.280 --> 4924.280] I find incredibly I'll use this word again sticky is this notion of movement culture I don't know who coin that phrase or I've seen it in the circles and accounts around your Instagram account and others I don't know if that's a phrase that you coined but this idea of engaging in movement practice with others whether or not it's dance or other movement practices. +[4924.280 --> 4941.280] Because it's so dynamic there's the unpredictability of it even to like today to practitioners at vastly different levels of knowledge and experience in movement practice there's there's information I like to think to be gained from both sides so. +[4941.280 --> 4943.280] So. +[4943.280 --> 4965.280] One thing that I've heard you say before which really resonate with me is this idea that people have maybe in particular in the US have this concept of I have my yoga friends or my the people I dance with are distinct from my family friends are distinct from but as you pointed out gathering around movement is an. +[4965.280 --> 4973.280] Agile tradition and that perhaps we better off not thinking about people we exercise with or train with but. +[4973.280 --> 4992.280] That friendship and connection made through movement is perhaps the most valuable form of connection I think it's a product of those practices that are maybe not so aware or not so movement oriented in the open sense and then you get this. +[4992.280 --> 5020.280] Sensation with people but alone we do nothing so much so that we're never alone also the inside and we will manufacture and produce entities inside so we're constantly in a dynamic exchange cultural exchange and practically I learned this lesson in Kapoeira it's a cultural manifestation things. +[5020.280 --> 5049.280] We are not just happening within this context we rub against reality we rub against each other and their movement occurs and their inside is to be gained and development happens and then comes other thoughts collective knowledge versus self knowledge we are transmitting knowledge if we go on top of that. +[5049.280 --> 5078.280] If we go on top of some mountain 20 people 20 normal individuals and we spent 20 years just fighting four hours in the morning four hours in the afternoon we do it for 20 years but we're isolated from any other source of knowledge we would still not reach anything that a very young fighter these days. +[5078.280 --> 5107.280] We will be unable to develop those techniques those insights that's where collective knowledge comes in and transmission jumps us forward but what is the problem with that staying within just those technical constraints and never making it yours that's the part of self knowledge that digestion of this collective information until it becomes digested and digested. +[5107.280 --> 5136.280] And then you are it versus you are doing it and this is a clear separation that you can see in sports on a very high level and on a not so high level even though I would be honest if I say that some people reach very far just with collective knowledge and a very technical approach and others reach extremely far with very little of it and there is always a lot of things that I can do. +[5136.280 --> 5154.280] And there is always outliers there always the outliers in that case and others thought I had when you mentioned evil devil evolution development is also the Greek concepts of poesis and and and and and and peesies. +[5154.280 --> 5166.280] The growing of the seed into the tree and the other process of the manufacturing of the chair from the tree. +[5167.280 --> 5182.280] Two processes of development evolution very different one from everything to something the other from nothing to something one is accumulation based one is subtraction based. +[5182.280 --> 5206.280] Both of these processes relate to collective knowledge self knowledge but they're not exactly just that and what is what should we do this is a question that my friend Rasmus he asks in his thesis and thoughts what is the ultimate for us should we manufacture our chair or should we grow like into the tree. +[5206.280 --> 5234.280] Civilize the mind live savage the body is it in this way or should the mind also be left wild wild and wise is a nice combination of words I like to place together wild wise so this is something that I try to bring into the way that I live my life and my practice and I try to bring the information and the wisdom and the way is that I like to place together wild wise so. +[5234.280 --> 5263.280] So I try to bring the information and the wisdom and the and the collective knowledge but I also try to let go of more and more until an essence is gleaned until something is appearing and because everything was already there for example if I'm sitting here all the movements are already occurring all the possibilities are already occurring. +[5264.280 --> 5276.280] So it's just about I need to open I open this window the air would come from here if I open this window the air would come I don't need to drive my motion I need to discover what is stopping it from happening. +[5276.280 --> 5293.280] Something is constantly holding and when we remove this immediately movement appears this is real deep movement versus the driven movement that is very wasteful at times like walking you see people pushing through the walk instead of. +[5293.280 --> 5322.280] The control falling that it should be fighting punching to manufacture the strength and then to have someone who knows how to facilitate the conditions in which you are knocked out it doesn't knock you out it hits versus I hit like Bruce Lee said so this is a beautiful thing to examine and to work within that so as to. +[5322.280 --> 5351.280] Am I skateboarding am I using this perspective or am I trying to to control because of risk and danger i'm trying to overly control something that actually can never be controlled the way to control it is to let go of the control and then OK but what about all this collection of information knowledge that I can bring in where do I want to play I can play down here or I can play up here. +[5351.280 --> 5360.280] The collective knowledge is maybe take you further in and then you still going to need to do your individual work a lot of people like to romanticize on that and. +[5360.280 --> 5376.280] It's you don't need teachers we don't need nothing we don't need information it's not fully honest you don't need but depends on where you want to function how you want to function they shouldn't be demonized but they shouldn't be overly glorified as well. +[5376.280 --> 5398.280] You mentioned about the opportunity for movement perhaps even all forms of movement coming from deep within a couple raises to mind in the neuroscience of motor systems we talk about motor neurons as I described the ones that actually evoke contraction of muscles and then there's this category of of neurons that isn't often discussed but certainly exist. +[5398.280 --> 5420.280] I'm armed often discussed in kind of popular nomenclature of neuroscience which is the premotor system most of our movements are the reflection of certain patterns of transmission breaking through from the premotor to the actual motor in other words we are always in a anticipatory mode of movement. +[5420.280 --> 5431.280] And as and I think you the way you describe it you clearly intuitively understand as you feel it and you recognize it think of it as it's like a layer of neurons is constantly humming. +[5431.280 --> 5448.280] Ready to go and it's the release of these gates that allows movement to occur in a particular way could be very smooth could be very ballistic which is DNA the same turning off and but all the information is already there right and then the possibilities are just allowed. +[5448.280 --> 5476.280] So I'm allowed I don't do free will already but I am allowed to do I am there are possibilities and I am dancing within that dance but I am not the only dancer so that's that's my sensation at least with most. +[5476.280 --> 5505.280] And states of being let's say maybe there is other states and that could be reached a stability that will arrive from the waters from the movement of the waters this humming this potential possibilities to be in that state to vibrate like this is very powerful for our lives to wake up in the morning and feel that living thing is the feeling of movement. +[5505.280 --> 5530.280] And for me it's a result of the practice and so then it's easy not to stagnate and then the mind can stay focused for hours like we've done today and I can listen and tune in and I won't lose you which is very difficult like I haven't had a good conversation here in the US it's very difficult and I have had your attention and you're listening but it's rare. +[5530.280 --> 5559.280] It's rare that somebody can do that and and it's a struggle always a struggle but it's definitely my trick my dirty trick in the you said you're allowed and again I'm taking some of the language and and what you report about your experience and I'm trying to map it to some concepts that relate to neural circuits in in the principles of neuroscience we talk about instructiveness versus permissiveness there are instructive cues like for instance the the ability to pick up. +[5560.280 --> 5589.280] This pen right there's an instruction clearly there's a motor command but that's just one way of looking at it the way it actually works is that there's a premotor system that's already generating that movement and what we've done is we flung open the gate and allowed that movement to occur precisely surfing it right surfing that current or this current or another current or opening the window exactly and if you look at the formal study of of movement and improvement of movement of movement. +[5590.280 --> 5619.280] The most basic example I can give is like a tennis serve and they if you just they've done this many times over you map the trajectories and in a novice the lines are all over the place it ends up looking more like a like a tangle of rubber band ball right whereas in the Federer or the expert you almost wonder if it's just one line being drawn but it's it the trajectories are incredibly stereotyped that's the reflection of one little narrow gate opening again and again and again of course let me let me. +[5620.280 --> 5635.280] Let me inject something here from an old neurologist you can say barrenstein the Soviet and he talked about the Greece of freedom and they did in order to increase productivity in Soviet Union. +[5636.280 --> 5639.280] I don't know if you you've heard this story. +[5639.280 --> 5668.280] He was brought into examine the movement habits of the workers and he collected some some information he placed he was one of the first kinetic I don't know how it's called in English the kinetic capturing of motion with moving pictures in that time and so he placed his thoughts and they took this photos which became kind of moving and what he discovered was something very interesting. +[5669.280 --> 5698.280] The accuracy of the heat of the sledgehammer increased while the variance in the various points became more not less so it wasn't a fixed pattern it was a meta pattern and this pattern is adjusted in this way to achieve the perfect execution those were very early findings I'm not sure how does that. +[5699.280 --> 5720.280] I'm sure there is some truth to it from my experience basically the self adjusting dynamic nature of the system allows you to reach a very constant and stable and result by being so open and letting off your control. +[5720.280 --> 5731.280] The example you give fits very well with the one that I described before because in I'm recalling the experiment if people want to look this up it's a paper will put it in the show no caption a guy also happens to be Harvard. +[5732.280 --> 5748.280] They Benso Alevsky hungarian I'm clearly pronouncing his name wrong but I know Benso and I remember the slide in my mind's eye and the trajectory that was mapped was the movement of the tennis racket not of the limbs themselves in the Federer case so that I think aligns well with what you're describing. +[5748.280 --> 5753.280] Yeah those that exploration of degrees of freedom is where the opportunity for. +[5755.280 --> 5761.280] Real advancement and expansion of skills shows up as I think the way it's been described to me is that we go from unskilled. +[5762.280 --> 5777.280] To skilled and then there's mastery and then there's this top tier which is this beautiful thin layer that so few people occupy which is virtuosity in which the practitioner invites variability and chance back in as an opportunity to do truly new things. +[5778.280 --> 5806.280] I am it made me think many years ago this this kind of thinking about so what is that entity because obviously it's not technique and it wouldn't even be honest to say it's a movement pattern there is too much diversity there I started to talk about I call that movement sleeves or met a technique but the word technique is already misleading. +[5806.280 --> 5835.280] So there is some kind of a dynamic sleeve in which you can move as long as you're not out of this leave you're still within the boundaries of achieving the result that you're after and then there is all this adaptation of all these elements inside to keep you in the sleeve the sleeve is not constricted as we once thought oh beautiful technique there are many ways to skin a cat. +[5836.280 --> 5849.280] And that experience and that variety that diversity goes into virtuosity it's true freedom because your focus is on the writing you don't point at the moon look at your finger. +[5850.280 --> 5858.280] And that's really an essence being a virtuoso for me like mastery let's say if there is such a thing. +[5859.280 --> 5882.280] I do believe there is such a thing and I'll flatter an attempt to embarrass you by saying I think that I'm not alone in viewing you as a virtuoso movement I think that's I think that's what comes to mind because there's this notion that not everything is pre planned that even you might not know what you're going to do next until the moment of execution but that here I'm projecting my own my own assumptions. +[5882.280 --> 5910.280] I'd like to talk about mindsets in approaching practice a little bit more but I want to wait into that territory by talking about vision in the eyes something that we both share a deep interest in I from the background of visual neuroscience but also from the realization that you know we have this incredible ability to adjust the aperture of our visual window we can focus very narrowly we can focus very broadly. +[5910.280 --> 5931.280] Something I encountered I think first as a child realizing that I could spend all day watching ants play in a very fine domain and then look up and go inside and realize there's a whole world and realizing wow I'll never be able to consume the full range of experiences at any one moment there ants probably in the corner of this room doing their thing. +[5931.280 --> 5960.280] And so to our approach to movement can be as you mentioned very big and dynamic in terms of the broad movements of our limbs or fine articulation when you begin a practice or as you move through a practice do you apply a regimented way of focusing your vision are you in panoramic vision are you in a very narrow field of view or does it entirely depend and for the person who's a true beginner true novice. +[5961.280 --> 5966.280] Like myself how should I show up to the practice with my eyes. +[5967.280 --> 5979.280] The eyes are a good starting point as you help a lot a lot of people to understand and when you encounter difficulties with other layers it's very powerful to start with the eyes. +[5979.280 --> 6006.280] Another thing important to understand and to experience you can't believe me or you got to examine it for yourself we do not move the eyes as well as we think we do because as long as you can see and move the eyes people never think about it that it can be trained that it can be improved etc and their effects of it are far reaching. +[6006.280 --> 6035.280] The eyes lead to the inner eye you can think of it in a beautiful metaphorical way and it's a representation of the way that we use various cognitive and mind processes and also of course affect the body the eyes lead in many ways and the head is also a very because all of these inputs are coming in here. +[6036.280 --> 6065.280] So it's very easy to lead the body in a if you look at a standard way from the head it's a very powerful and easy thing for example you when you teach boxers how to bob usually it's not done in the way that I believe it should be done you teach it with the periphery they teach it from the feet because they have the idea which is correct that you need to do it in spatial conditions in movement in space. +[6066.280 --> 6085.280] But in reality the head will organize the feet for you instead you are now putting two elements together and then with the years of practice you hope of tying them together well I prefer to do something else because if I'll pull your head now to decide you will immediately start to organize your feet under you. +[6085.280 --> 6103.280] So I give you just one element to manipulate the system from that's how I would teach someone something like this many animals hunt with the head so you can see that the body running forward while the head is turning to the side the whole thing follows afterwards so it's a very powerful way to address movement not the only one. +[6103.280 --> 6115.280] There are many modes thankfully and we're very adaptable in that but definitely a primary one and then the use of the eyes is of course maybe the most important element with that usually. +[6115.280 --> 6142.280] Yeah what else can I say about the eyes is so how do you come in well it depends on the practice you need to start to have some kind of a checklist of what you're looking to do and then by this you can start to tailor the way that you use your eyes the same thing I do for posture the same thing I do for stands the same thing eventually I do for state. +[6142.280 --> 6162.280] And there is different flavors there is no correct way to use the eye sometimes it's very peripheral soft open awareness orientation sometimes it's very focused notice I'm pulling these two opposites awareness and focus which is often put together and confused but +[6162.280 --> 6191.280] and then the eyes are like the immediate and the easiest entry point into that and other thing is the placement of the head and the eyes like for example when we lower our chin we seem to see better when we raise the eyebrows there is too much exposure of top light sources and so people would usually when looking into the distance will tilt their eyes. +[6192.280 --> 6221.280] And in many scenarios tilting of the chin to the side or placing just like listening with the ear placing a certain eye or dominant eye depending on various scenarios and this is all like information that I can come in seribrily and think about and jump my practice forward instead of just letting the experience teach me that I'm using some kind of a thinking process to improve and this is +[6221.280 --> 6250.280] not cheating this is great will it work we got to try it's a process and those are some thoughts and to start to play with yeah I love that you mentioned chin down because we all have a natural reflex when chin goes down eyes goes up and the opposite is true when head goes up eyes go down and there are two separate clusters of neurons in the these cranial nerve nuclei that as we call them when eyes are up +[6251.280 --> 6279.280] it increases our level of alertness overall this is it not you know this is not a woo science this is this is the the function of these cranial nerve nuclei when our eyes are down we go into states of more calm and quiet sense and this makes perfect sense you know and then the eyelids usually go down and then people fall asleep eyes up does not mean head up because as you said there's a very dynamic control over the amount of luminance depending on the environment so +[6279.280 --> 6308.280] that and then as you mentioned this difference between focus and awareness I think is a really important one when we are in this more panoramic soft gaze as and broad awareness big big swaths of visual field as we say the neurons that control that come through a pathway called magnocellar pathway in any event those neurons are much thicker thicker cables they transmit much faster just like thick pipes can carry more water more quickly and your reaction time is for at least four times as we say +[6309.280 --> 6339.240] that's what it is in this awareness mode then it is when you're narrowly focused on something and this is counter intuitive I think to a lot of people but the person who was running to catch the ball is not tracking the ball in a smooth movement the most of their vision is in peripheral vision when we drive we're in this peripheral vision and our reaction times are much much faster so I don't know if I'm I'm reluctant to encourage people to shift toward a particular type of practice toward a particular type of vision I think what you and I I hope agree +[6339.280 --> 6369.240] on correct me from wrong is that exploring these different extremes and everything in between is where the real value is panoramic focused eyes head up eyes down head down eyes up playing with it and exploring it in as opposed to for the first 10 minutes of practice being panoramic vision you know the sort of earlier today we were joking about and kind of lamenting the fact that this word bio hacking exists or that the optimal performance +[6369.240 --> 6381.280] is that they're unfortunate terms because they suggest that if you just plug it in it's going to be like two plus two equals four and you're going to get it right every time another pragmatic be tear if I can offer is +[6384.520 --> 6397.520] since our culture has been more geared and pushing us towards focus the focus use of the eyes and primary language reading and other things we have less opportunities to work with +[6397.960 --> 6402.680] the more open panoramic one so it would be smart to start to +[6403.840 --> 6414.760] balance things out a bit more when you're in nature you don't look at each leaf everything is moving and you are kind of immersed in that and then something attracts your attention oh it's a bird +[6415.120 --> 6428.080] you focus and you go back into the general state the basic state which is open awareness here we switch things around in our modern culture we are mostly focused and then we +[6428.080 --> 6432.240] sanitize daydream which is maybe some kind of a +[6434.520 --> 6442.240] some kind of a balancing act that comes from deep within I don't know maybe you can you can share some information about that but I see that +[6442.240 --> 6445.120] many time people need to the focus is +[6445.800 --> 6453.560] overly done by far in our in our lives I couldn't agree more and I think a lot of I'll even venture so far as to say that +[6454.520 --> 6460.160] the a lot of the visual deficits that we now see in young people biopia literally near-sightedness +[6460.960 --> 6466.320] occurs because if we look at things that are too close to us as children or as adults the eyeball actually gets longer +[6466.600 --> 6470.240] the lens focuses the visual image in front of +[6471.000 --> 6473.560] nearer to the lens near-sighted then +[6474.240 --> 6476.440] in front of the where it should land and +[6477.400 --> 6478.520] basically +[6478.520 --> 6484.880] it's a lack of panoramic vision that is or open awareness that's driving these changes and +[6485.000 --> 6490.720] nowadays we are essentially most people are 90% of the time in this narrow focus mode +[6490.840 --> 6496.240] you know right before recording we took a break and went up to look at a vista and to look off to the distance incredibly +[6496.920 --> 6498.160] useful +[6498.160 --> 6506.080] easy practice at some level, but I think most people are not doing this sort of thing and the way that it shapes the mind and the perception of time of course is a whole other +[6506.920 --> 6508.920] kingdom of ideas, but +[6509.040 --> 6510.640] one thing I'd like to +[6510.640 --> 6520.280] relate this element of vision to and open awareness is earlier you mentioned the cone of auditory attention the other sense that we can play with in as in our practice +[6520.840 --> 6522.840] and throughout the day +[6523.320 --> 6525.320] Do you see any value to both +[6525.840 --> 6530.040] paying attention to things in a very narrow cone of auditory attention, but also +[6530.440 --> 6536.080] just walking and listening to all the sounds at once I could imagine that could be useful and in terms of +[6536.600 --> 6538.600] physical movement practices +[6538.600 --> 6545.120] I was gonna say where your ears your ears are always more or less in the same place, but where is your hearing when you approach your practice? +[6545.760 --> 6551.560] And another set of parameters to think about and to play with and to be aware of +[6552.360 --> 6553.360] and +[6553.360 --> 6557.120] also I have the experience that some people are +[6558.720 --> 6561.840] better at using this system or that system and +[6562.760 --> 6566.600] and you would be amazed how differently the same +[6567.120 --> 6572.080] Result seemingly outside results are done by different practitioners and in different scenarios +[6572.800 --> 6574.800] and +[6574.800 --> 6577.600] This goes into this mutation and change ideas +[6578.160 --> 6582.400] What really jumps us forward eventually some kind of a mutation? +[6582.400 --> 6586.560] So it's like all of our culture and practices and success +[6587.040 --> 6592.160] puts a closer and closer to each other so we have the same opinions +[6592.720 --> 6596.040] Everywhere around the world becoming more and more the same +[6596.760 --> 6601.880] Less and less different, but the real hope comes from the different +[6602.360 --> 6607.560] So and we're we have a difficult data difficulty in promoting that +[6608.600 --> 6609.720] and +[6609.720 --> 6617.040] So this is another thing that can be promoted with the right practices the right for example +[6617.040 --> 6625.720] I work with corporates or even worked with governments before to bring in some of that freshness with simple habits in the work +[6625.800 --> 6631.000] Day or in the education of children or in in companies +[6631.800 --> 6633.800] increasing productivity +[6634.680 --> 6636.680] I don't really give a fuck +[6636.680 --> 6642.520] but I am there to give what I view is important and what is important? +[6643.080 --> 6645.080] Maybe increases productivity +[6645.880 --> 6651.160] But it's more important to me that it improves people's lives who are involved and improves +[6653.240 --> 6655.240] Yeah, being and becoming +[6656.040 --> 6663.080] Being and becoming is to these two entities. I'm not there. I'm on my way. I'm a process so +[6665.000 --> 6670.600] Thinking about here the way that people use their ears the way that people use listening +[6672.120 --> 6675.240] Again, we can talk about placement of the head and posture +[6676.200 --> 6677.000] and +[6677.000 --> 6682.200] Sometimes angling as well sharper angle chin down some people tend to use the +[6683.000 --> 6689.160] The shape of the ear people with different ears closer or further out. This is +[6690.040 --> 6693.640] It's if you're very sensitive and you're looking around you would see this +[6694.680 --> 6696.680] Is affecting people's motion? +[6697.240 --> 6699.240] Even the shape of our face +[6700.360 --> 6707.720] Like the development of the vocal cords and speaking will totally change how we are how we look but how we listen +[6708.280 --> 6709.560] also +[6709.560 --> 6712.840] Will do the same. I don't have any proof of it, but I'm +[6713.880 --> 6715.880] It is something I believe in +[6716.440 --> 6722.440] Well people will even make their ears bigger right we we try and become like little phoenixes or something by +[6723.000 --> 6726.920] I mean a lot of people don't realize that's actually why we do this is to capture more sound waves right +[6727.480 --> 6735.400] And the leaning is the the localization of sound is based on a simple brain stem calculation of inter or all time differences the time in which something +[6736.360 --> 6744.280] The brain intuitively it just knows because it's pretty hard-wired circuit that if a sound arrives first to this year than that year that it's likely +[6744.920 --> 6746.440] Coming from over here +[6746.440 --> 6750.520] Whereas if it's dead center arrives at the two at the same time that it's um +[6750.600 --> 6756.280] It's almost you know ridiculously simple when one hears it no pun intended, but um it's it is uh +[6757.080 --> 6763.800] An incredibly valuable way of thinking about how the architecture of the body changes our experience +[6764.680 --> 6771.080] I want to along those lines earlier you mentioned something in it and it uh flagged that an important question for me um +[6771.880 --> 6774.200] When I see people walking +[6775.000 --> 6781.160] I sometimes you know sometimes I think wow they really move in a strange way occasionally you see somebody they walk really +[6781.720 --> 6786.040] It's impressive for whatever reason, you know, and you just think wow they sort of glide along +[6787.480 --> 6791.480] People come in different shapes and sizes short torsos long arms etc +[6791.960 --> 6793.080] um +[6793.080 --> 6799.960] Do you think that if people have a body type that facilitates certain kinds of movement and not others that they should +[6800.520 --> 6808.440] Intentionally try and move in the way that is right at the edge of the kind of friction and challenge in order to +[6809.000 --> 6810.520] um +[6810.520 --> 6816.440] Shape new possibilities or do you think that they should lean into the smooth execution of what comes most naturally to them +[6816.600 --> 6821.400] Yeah, I think a good practice is to have many walks +[6823.000 --> 6825.000] um +[6825.880 --> 6833.000] Because they're required and of course there is a very efficient and endurance stamina oriented thing that +[6833.720 --> 6838.760] If you have the experience it will naturally develop an unravel and if not you can +[6839.640 --> 6843.160] Get some collective knowledge and improve and then there is a lot of +[6843.960 --> 6845.480] emotion +[6845.480 --> 6850.120] Emotional things related to walk like how I'm walking into a business meeting +[6851.880 --> 6854.520] and or how I'm walking +[6855.160 --> 6856.280] uh +[6856.280 --> 6858.280] Out of a bad situation +[6859.320 --> 6863.560] And there is a lot of beautiful things to to research there +[6864.200 --> 6871.640] Practically with yourself trying to approach someone with the chin slightly down very linear very efficient in the straightest line +[6872.040 --> 6876.280] Or trying to approach someone a little bit more rounded from the side and you and +[6876.680 --> 6882.680] Tilting your head and you will see totally different results totally different communication that happens +[6883.960 --> 6888.920] Over people's heads, but if you're sensitive you realize that wow this opened the door +[6889.560 --> 6896.040] Instead many people you start on the minus my sister my big sister tally she always says I started on the minus +[6896.680 --> 6899.400] Why don't I start on zero with them? You know +[6900.200 --> 6905.880] So but it's it's part of the approach you can affect that and you can start even on the plus if you are +[6906.760 --> 6908.360] the slime and +[6908.360 --> 6910.360] As the practitioner needs to be +[6910.600 --> 6912.360] so this is +[6912.360 --> 6917.160] Something to play with and to work with and then you have of course body proportions and ways and +[6917.720 --> 6920.120] And we have all these like technical invasions +[6920.440 --> 6926.680] mathematics and trigonometry and architecture they invaded our bodies they invaded our nervous system +[6927.160 --> 6934.680] And now our walk and our physical practices they look linear and efficient the path between two points is a straight line +[6934.840 --> 6939.080] It's not this is biomechanics. It's not mechanics nothing there is +[6940.520 --> 6942.520] Given this no gospel +[6943.240 --> 6951.560] So the walk is sometimes have to go around or sway from side to side and there is coiling uncoiling and they're moving bits +[6951.640 --> 6956.600] And what about the the coordination of my breathing with my walk because if I walk too linearly +[6957.320 --> 6963.960] There is less pumping of the air naturally in and out so now I have to forcefully bring it in and out. I'm wasteful +[6964.840 --> 6969.080] And that's why you see in last years this incredible runners +[6970.280 --> 6973.720] Especially in long distance doing things we never thought +[6975.080 --> 6980.680] Were possible in the most in the worst possible way that we used to think +[6981.640 --> 6986.440] pronation and and all kinds of things like our technical thoughts were +[6987.880 --> 6989.480] totally +[6989.480 --> 6993.640] misguided and wrong and and somebody comes in and does it in +[6994.680 --> 7001.880] Yeah, in some way that is totally wrong and he gets results we could never get that's that's the beauty of +[7002.600 --> 7005.880] playfulness experimentation change being different +[7006.760 --> 7010.920] The as you're just trying to some smiling because at one of my favorite +[7011.400 --> 7013.880] neuroscientists he's out of the University of Chicago +[7014.840 --> 7019.560] Was in a meeting and there was an argument about evolution of the nervous system and he said at the end +[7020.840 --> 7026.200] And people were arguing about whether or not this gene in one animal was homologous to this gene and humans etc +[7026.200 --> 7028.440] I can get very dicey and he said +[7029.320 --> 7031.320] very very appropriately that +[7031.720 --> 7034.280] One of the major jobs of evolution is to take +[7034.440 --> 7037.240] existing cell types and circuits and give them new functions +[7037.640 --> 7041.560] But that can only be done through the playful exploration of +[7042.040 --> 7049.160] new possibilities which I think maps very well to what you're saying that at the extreme thresholds of technical execution +[7049.800 --> 7054.360] You know mastery mastery mastery you your obviously performance is very high +[7054.840 --> 7060.920] But the opportunity for evolution of the sport or the music or the dance or the intellectual endeavor is +[7061.000 --> 7065.880] Is limited because you're not introducing variability in the attempt to get proper execution +[7066.760 --> 7068.760] You're limiting oneself +[7068.760 --> 7072.840] Oh hence I want to offer something that is relating to you +[7075.080 --> 7077.080] We should be wary of +[7079.560 --> 7081.560] defining the mechanisms +[7083.480 --> 7085.720] And putting certain meaning +[7086.360 --> 7088.120] With certain processes and ways +[7088.920 --> 7092.680] Because just history and experience shows it doesn't work well for us +[7093.400 --> 7095.080] most times +[7095.080 --> 7099.320] Or it becomes like this much more elaborate thing even if we were +[7100.120 --> 7102.120] somewhat in the right direction +[7102.520 --> 7106.920] Because even thinking this way can offer a lot like for example +[7107.560 --> 7113.320] Your advisable heat dopamine light offers a lot of benefit but also can create problems +[7114.440 --> 7115.640] and +[7115.800 --> 7117.720] It can enclose something +[7118.440 --> 7120.440] which +[7121.240 --> 7126.280] The improviser will file them a guivers right like take a pink +[7127.160 --> 7132.760] Some paper clip and and you make it into something great and this is really our +[7134.360 --> 7138.280] We are the biggest improvisers around like that's that's what made us who we are +[7138.280 --> 7141.160] I think and this is incredible what what we can do with it +[7142.440 --> 7143.800] You know the the +[7143.800 --> 7144.840] Russian +[7144.840 --> 7149.640] American space exploration story with the space pen famous story +[7150.120 --> 7152.120] Bowser development of the space pen +[7152.760 --> 7156.040] No space pen. Yeah, no, I don't know I think I think it's a +[7156.840 --> 7160.280] An urban myth. I don't know if it's true, but I like it so I use it +[7161.080 --> 7163.080] Oh there there was this +[7163.640 --> 7167.640] Of course a space competition and the Russians put the first animal +[7168.440 --> 7171.640] In space and the first he was on my cac monkey or something +[7171.800 --> 7176.440] Yeah, yeah, and then Lika and they put the first +[7177.080 --> 7180.360] Sputnik the satellite and man on in space, but +[7181.080 --> 7183.080] Americans took the man on the moon +[7183.800 --> 7193.160] And on the way a lot of technologies got developed in the Americans because of like of gravity out there developed the space pen with a huge investment the Russians use the pencil +[7196.520 --> 7199.560] So I don't know if it's I don't know if it's true. I don't think it is +[7200.120 --> 7205.000] It represents something in the state of mind like you look at for example the military equipment in +[7205.720 --> 7212.040] Soviet equipment. It's all can do multiple things and it means that it's heavier. It's less efficient +[7212.520 --> 7214.360] It's not as light and but +[7215.320 --> 7218.600] Even the Navy seals will still carry an AK +[7219.320 --> 7225.800] With certain conditions. Why because you can pour a whole bucket of sand into the mechanism and it will keep running +[7226.120 --> 7230.760] While the most advanced German Hickleren Kuchen accurate and light weapons +[7231.720 --> 7238.520] For every grain can get stuck and overly specialized and there is something about this openness that we humans need to keep +[7239.400 --> 7246.280] And also maybe something for our leaders to be more of less specialist and more in this openness less +[7247.160 --> 7250.920] Capable in this or that way, but more capable of doing the whole thing +[7251.640 --> 7253.640] I +[7253.640 --> 7257.160] Love the story whether or not it's a legend or not +[7257.240 --> 7263.240] It's it's legendary because it's it's fantastic as we say in the laboratory whenever someone takes on a project in my lab +[7263.320 --> 7265.960] I always say you know you have to ask yourself how much +[7266.440 --> 7271.960] Technical detail and challenge you want to take on because with more technology advanced technology +[7272.200 --> 7279.880] Yes, there's the opportunity for more discovery, but more downtime your PhD will literally take longer if you're going to use a microscope that's out of commission +[7280.440 --> 7283.640] 30% of the time and you just have to understand that so +[7284.360 --> 7288.440] There's a dynamic interplay there. By the way, I think that scientists get it right +[7288.920 --> 7296.680] It's where you transmit the knowledge out of the scientific field because science have debate and everything you're not so connected +[7296.920 --> 7298.920] Of course, this can happen as well, but +[7299.480 --> 7301.480] Then when it goes out and the +[7301.800 --> 7304.440] The simple person without the experience +[7305.400 --> 7309.400] Takes it more as a gospel as a fixed thing and then it was just a report +[7309.880 --> 7314.440] Right was just reporting some functions here and play with it see what it does for you +[7315.080 --> 7318.280] Because with all the greatest information that I can give +[7318.920 --> 7323.400] The person will examine it and it might be not useful at all for him +[7323.960 --> 7329.080] This is the practitioner make it your own go practice try heat cold +[7330.040 --> 7336.040] Light movement awareness to this awareness to this and this is up to you to make it yours +[7336.360 --> 7339.000] But we don't like to have this responsibility +[7339.720 --> 7344.280] Now people prefer to have the this will work the first time every time and +[7345.080 --> 7348.520] We'll serve you best compared to everything else and and while there are +[7349.400 --> 7354.520] More reliable tools than others in my mind the more reliable tools tend to be ones that are +[7355.320 --> 7357.880] grounded in our innate physiology +[7358.520 --> 7365.240] Um as opposed to some I don't like the word hack in fact. I loathe the word biohack as I we were talking about again earlier +[7365.880 --> 7370.840] Because it the hack in my mind is is something that is designed for one purpose that's used for another +[7371.480 --> 7375.480] It's it's not the most efficient use of that tool nor is it naturally +[7376.200 --> 7381.720] The best solution whereas biology has some very good solutions, but they don't always work not every time +[7382.760 --> 7386.600] I earlier today we did a practice in which um which involved uh +[7387.560 --> 7390.680] Invasion uh shall we say of peri personal space +[7391.240 --> 7396.280] We weren't standing super close for any but for the reason but there was god forbid god forbid +[7396.760 --> 7399.160] But we uh but there was um +[7399.160 --> 7403.560] We were close enough together we could touch one's torsos and we were doing that as part of this practice +[7404.120 --> 7406.840] And uh you encouraged me to pay attention to you know +[7406.840 --> 7411.720] How does it feel to have someone in your peri personal space and then this notion of reactivity +[7412.040 --> 7415.560] I find this in immensely interesting and potentially powerful +[7416.120 --> 7419.480] Practice because I think a lot of people I know a lot of people +[7420.200 --> 7423.560] suffer from anxiety just being in a face-to-face conversation +[7424.040 --> 7428.920] Some people have a lot of anxiety about being physically close to people whether or not they know them or not +[7429.480 --> 7434.440] And many people are reactive they are in that anticipatory state or something it's gonna happen +[7434.520 --> 7436.920] And sometimes this relates to trauma and negative experience +[7436.920 --> 7440.520] But sometimes no sometimes they're just not used to being in dynamic +[7440.680 --> 7443.960] Dynamics. Excuse me. It exchange with other beings +[7444.600 --> 7450.280] And so one thing that I love about the movement practice and how dynamic is that one can explore that space +[7450.280 --> 7452.520] Maybe you could um talk about that a little bit more +[7453.560 --> 7455.560] Yeah um +[7456.680 --> 7458.360] Touch +[7458.360 --> 7462.600] proximity all these things uh also taking very +[7465.480 --> 7467.080] It takes a very uh +[7467.160 --> 7471.080] I think limited place in our lives people are not touched and they don't touch enough +[7472.120 --> 7476.600] There is certain bubbles of peri personal space according to culture +[7476.600 --> 7482.680] According to environment what is right what is wrong and then came all the of course politically correctness and +[7483.400 --> 7488.360] Harassments and all kinds and this is a problem. It's a problem to navigate all this +[7489.240 --> 7491.640] scenario and I think we are +[7491.640 --> 7494.440] There is definitely this side which is suffering +[7495.320 --> 7499.480] People go to BJJ classes to touch not to learn BJJ +[7500.280 --> 7505.640] The most of it they're not even aware of it before they would go to a prostitute maybe +[7508.360 --> 7510.360] It would not be honest to say that um +[7513.320 --> 7516.680] Yeah, this is not required over necessary more in our lives +[7517.960 --> 7522.600] Uh children who are not touched there is a lot of information about that and the problems +[7523.240 --> 7529.400] Adults who are not touched there is not a lot of information and I think it's no less of a problem because it's something that has to +[7529.880 --> 7533.240] Be constantly present and then proximity +[7533.800 --> 7535.640] uh being able to +[7536.600 --> 7541.240] As you said remove certain reactivity and to learn to control that +[7542.280 --> 7543.400] um +[7543.400 --> 7551.240] That volume volume control over how reactive I am and in other scenarios how do I remove this reactivity altogether +[7551.320 --> 7559.960] Is very important for performance and also for our lives for clear thinking etc because everything is moving through us and is being monitored by us +[7561.080 --> 7567.400] So everything has the potential to detract us from a certain direction of exploration or +[7568.280 --> 7570.280] And if you're reactive you're a slave +[7571.000 --> 7578.360] I mean it becomes worse and worse and worse or as for example a fighter or a football player etc +[7578.440 --> 7584.360] Has to know what to take what not to take the fact that you can sense more doesn't mean you should react to it +[7585.000 --> 7589.080] The and the practice helps that by bringing people into these scenarios +[7589.160 --> 7593.240] But oftentimes disarming them like when we were working closely today +[7593.960 --> 7595.960] And because you have a certain +[7596.520 --> 7598.520] background with boxing or fighting +[7599.240 --> 7601.240] I can tell you +[7601.560 --> 7606.200] You are missing some kind of a way to be in that space that is not martial +[7606.520 --> 7609.560] So you carry a certain tone +[7610.280 --> 7613.880] Although you're a very kind person, but oftentimes you +[7614.200 --> 7620.280] Help me without realizing you're holding me with a lot of strength for example and and uh +[7621.720 --> 7628.520] It just it was clear to me you're not fully aware of what is unfolding and it's just of course a question of experience +[7629.400 --> 7631.880] So to be able to be in this scenario, but do something else +[7632.840 --> 7634.680] Which is not a gear towards +[7635.240 --> 7642.840] winning losing competition or just being able to play with another person like for example contacting improvisation took that and +[7643.480 --> 7648.360] Played with that and the work of Steve Pakistan for the ones who are not familiar +[7649.640 --> 7659.640] So this this is where I I call it the the hybrids become very useful like we we don't when you when you are practicing in this open way +[7659.960 --> 7666.600] You are not bound by specific ruleset or ways of doing things it can be a fight, but it can be +[7669.000 --> 7672.680] A dance a moment after another thing that I learned from Kapoeira +[7674.040 --> 7682.200] The situation is very tricky there because I've seen kids doing cartwheels in Brazil and and scissors fall from their pockets +[7683.000 --> 7687.800] Why why would you go to with a Caesar in your pocket? Obviously there is +[7688.440 --> 7694.040] Certain intentions and then at other times you see backflips and beautiful things, but people die in Kapoeira +[7695.000 --> 7697.000] every year +[7697.000 --> 7699.560] No breaks or something kicks to the face +[7700.840 --> 7704.040] Traum various violence. It's I've +[7705.400 --> 7708.200] Explored other martial arts and boxing I was involved with +[7709.160 --> 7713.800] MMA and BJJ, but I tell you the most violent arena is that why because it's unknown +[7714.760 --> 7720.360] One moment it smiles another moment it's something else and it's uncontrolled there is no categories no weights +[7720.440 --> 7722.440] And it's a street phenomenon +[7722.600 --> 7727.240] So you have musical instruments sometimes they break it on your head people don't see that +[7727.240 --> 7732.680] But you can look online on youtube and see some of that side of Kapoeira which is actually +[7733.960 --> 7738.920] The day-to-day in Brazil and the reality and how things unfolded +[7739.480 --> 7740.920] so +[7741.000 --> 7749.640] It's very important to explore many ways of being within different distances and spaces from other people and touched in different ways +[7750.280 --> 7753.720] And not contextualizing it always in the same way +[7754.680 --> 7756.680] I can touch your chest +[7757.000 --> 7761.960] In one way I can touch it with the exact same pressure and speed but it will feel very different +[7762.840 --> 7765.640] The parameters I'm not sure certain intentions +[7766.200 --> 7771.400] Certain combination of postures always and this is beautiful exploration and +[7772.120 --> 7775.480] Again, I would encourage you and others +[7776.040 --> 7781.160] To explore the discomfort for example certain discomfort to be +[7781.880 --> 7785.480] With a man in certain scenario or with a woman and trying to see +[7786.360 --> 7788.680] What is that because if we are truly strong? +[7789.800 --> 7792.680] We are not afraid of anything if we truly know +[7793.640 --> 7798.440] Who we are and we are in that exploration we don't know the end result +[7798.440 --> 7805.160] But we are in a research and then we are not afraid of being in that or this or and we don't come out of boundaries +[7805.240 --> 7809.240] And this will improve our culture tremendously of course there must be agreement +[7809.800 --> 7815.240] You never force yourself, but you meet someone who is also interested in that exploration and then you do it +[7815.880 --> 7817.080] And +[7817.160 --> 7822.840] And there are many scenarios to do that with traditional practices like learning to grapple or +[7823.640 --> 7833.400] And going to contact improvisation and and studying there or going to dance to to Latin dance class or and there is of course my favorite is +[7834.680 --> 7838.920] To create and to come up with your own hybrids of that and scenarios +[7839.640 --> 7845.000] Communicating with your loved one through movement not sitting around food and talking +[7845.800 --> 7850.840] Moving together in all kinds of ways sometimes it's walking together at sometimes it's +[7852.040 --> 7854.840] All kinds of it can be game playful it can be +[7855.480 --> 7857.480] Romantic and there are many shades +[7858.200 --> 7866.280] Sex doesn't start here and end here right? It's like it's continuing and we don't even need to define it in that way. So +[7867.560 --> 7874.440] With time I think it unlocks a lot of things people become much stronger in a good sense in sense of +[7875.240 --> 7880.360] Becoming being and we abuse less and we can approach +[7882.280 --> 7884.280] Yeah, other aspects to us +[7884.920 --> 7888.200] I love the idea that through the exploration of a range of +[7889.000 --> 7890.840] physical contacts +[7890.840 --> 7895.000] Provided one knows they can always return to their center so to speak +[7895.560 --> 7900.760] Then there's a lot of opportunity that opens up. I wish there was more of that encouraged in +[7901.320 --> 7902.280] um +[7902.280 --> 7905.240] Children's play but also as you mentioned in in adult +[7906.120 --> 7908.120] environments because +[7908.280 --> 7911.960] Yeah nowadays for all sorts of reasons that you touched on +[7912.600 --> 7918.680] um the idea of keeping at least in arms only distance has become critical. There are a lot of environments actually where hugging is not allowed +[7919.560 --> 7924.520] Um, I don't know what it's like in Israel, but in the in the states many institutions here. You're not allowed to +[7925.160 --> 7929.720] Touch anyone else's body. There's actually a wonderful study that comes to mind from an Israeli laboratory +[7929.960 --> 7931.720] I got him no msobel +[7931.720 --> 7933.720] It's over there um +[7933.880 --> 7938.680] Who is shown that um by recording people's first interactions that +[7939.320 --> 7941.720] When people meet if they shake hands +[7942.520 --> 7950.120] They almost always I think it's greater than 85% of the time they will then wipe the chemicals from the other person onto their own eyes +[7950.200 --> 7952.200] Typically their eyes or their face +[7952.360 --> 7954.360] This changed a little bit during the whole +[7954.600 --> 7955.800] pandemic thing +[7955.800 --> 7956.840] but +[7956.840 --> 7959.080] This is thought to be a +[7959.160 --> 7965.720] Carryover from what other animals do in terms of exchanging microbiome elements exchanging chemicals that we're constantly feeding +[7966.280 --> 7967.480] our +[7967.480 --> 7969.160] subconscious with the +[7969.160 --> 7971.160] Chemical knowledge of the chemical +[7972.280 --> 7975.800] Constituents of other people right so it goes way beyond +[7976.280 --> 7982.120] How people smell how they look etc more touch seems to me just uh as you said provided +[7982.120 --> 7984.840] It's consensual seems like it's just a really good thing overall +[7985.720 --> 7989.320] And say un I think maybe also important for discharging +[7989.880 --> 7992.280] Discharging certain experiences +[7992.360 --> 7994.920] remodeling reframing so it's like touches +[7995.400 --> 7997.400] It's very powerful in that if +[7997.480 --> 8004.280] If you're touched and you're touching a lot you're you're unpacking and you experience that touch that maybe has been traumatic +[8005.000 --> 8007.960] And you're reframing it you have the opportunity um +[8009.400 --> 8012.600] Which is something interesting i've i've heard +[8013.320 --> 8021.240] Some story about some traditional culture in which when you were burned by mistake they would immediately burn you again +[8023.000 --> 8026.440] And it made me think and then there would not be any burn marks +[8027.720 --> 8029.720] And there would not be +[8029.720 --> 8031.720] The same side effects that's the claim +[8032.920 --> 8038.600] It made me think it's like what's the source of this and i i realized that maybe it allows a certain +[8039.160 --> 8043.640] Completion to happen that in the traumatic moment is not there +[8044.040 --> 8050.600] So the re exposure while you're still open the pores are still open allows you to reframe the experience +[8051.320 --> 8055.960] And then the unfolding of the rest of the event is very different +[8056.520 --> 8063.560] This is if you're touching in your practice in the day today and you're working with people and you're being touched and people come closer further away +[8063.640 --> 8065.640] It happens naturally +[8065.720 --> 8067.400] um +[8067.400 --> 8075.720] Yeah, and if you pass a certain limit and it's it becomes too much there is always of course communication that has to be present +[8076.520 --> 8079.720] Certain cultures make this communication pre +[8080.440 --> 8082.440] So certain cultures post +[8083.240 --> 8091.400] The Israeli for example post here pre uh so in israel they'll say that didn't feel good to me or that felt good or that was fine +[8091.880 --> 8093.880] Yeah, it would be more common +[8094.040 --> 8095.240] And +[8095.240 --> 8099.160] Here in the airport the guys telling me i'm gonna slide my hands up +[8099.880 --> 8102.600] Towards your crutch until i meet the hard stop +[8103.880 --> 8110.200] And then and then he does this in a way that is supposed to show me i have no enjoyment in that +[8110.920 --> 8112.920] And for me it just feels aggressive +[8114.040 --> 8120.680] But he's his intention is good showing me but if it was a loving touch it would be nicer for me actually +[8121.400 --> 8123.240] Personally, that's +[8123.400 --> 8126.280] It would be gentle and but he goes up there and he shows me +[8126.920 --> 8128.920] I have no enjoyment in this +[8128.920 --> 8130.120] but +[8131.640 --> 8133.640] That's my testicle right there +[8135.240 --> 8142.040] It's it's different choices. I don't think it's like worse or but this description can be a bit dissociated +[8142.280 --> 8145.800] And what does it make me think is it truly what he feels or not +[8146.520 --> 8151.720] Because it feels robotic so it's not so sometimes i rather not say it and +[8152.520 --> 8158.280] I'm going to touch your chest. I'm just place my hand on the chest and uh of course +[8159.640 --> 8165.240] We can't avoid the problem. I'm not suggesting that there is but there is an examination and because I moved around +[8166.120 --> 8170.200] Around the world. I've seen many things and i've seen benefits here benefits there +[8170.920 --> 8173.320] um and and in the practice +[8173.400 --> 8177.080] I think it's important to discuss this to examine this i don't have a solution but +[8177.880 --> 8182.600] It's something to talk about it is something to talk about and i'm glad you raised it because i think that +[8183.160 --> 8185.160] It's so clear to me that +[8185.400 --> 8189.640] Much of the value of a movement practice involves this dynamic interaction with somebody else +[8189.720 --> 8193.880] As you point out it can be performed on one's own and practice throughout one's day +[8194.440 --> 8195.560] but the +[8195.560 --> 8203.160] unpredictability is a key element to all of it and and bringing out all the the potential that you've described +[8204.280 --> 8210.440] In reference to the this notion of trauma and and burn and reburn my colleague at stanford david spigo +[8210.440 --> 8215.160] He's works on trauma and he's a has actually on this podcast +[8215.160 --> 8222.120] He voiced that he's against things like trigger warnings because of the way that it puts the nervous system into the state of readiness and reactivity +[8222.520 --> 8224.520] That can exacerbate +[8224.520 --> 8226.520] problems whereas +[8227.080 --> 8230.600] It's very clear from the literature on trauma and trauma relief that +[8231.160 --> 8236.280] The way to deal with that is through a controlled but clearly a controlled re-exposure +[8236.760 --> 8240.520] To the trauma in order to diminish the emotional response over time +[8240.520 --> 8243.560] I mean that's very clear if we avoid the thing obviously +[8243.560 --> 8245.960] We don't want to re-injure ourselves or re-traumatize +[8246.040 --> 8251.480] But if one avoids the thing that makes them upset over and over all it does is serve to create a heightened state of readiness +[8251.480 --> 8254.840] It primes more trauma. Yeah, so i think it makes good sense +[8255.000 --> 8260.360] I think impressions are very useful here also when stepping into an area in which +[8260.440 --> 8262.920] trauma can occur and then by +[8264.280 --> 8270.440] Going through the impression that it already occurred you create some kind of a thermal layer of protection +[8271.720 --> 8273.720] And so i've already been hit +[8274.920 --> 8286.280] When i'm entering that space it's so beneficial or i've already been touched in a way that i didn't like if i go to a contact improvisation class and just running this scenario in in your head +[8286.600 --> 8289.160] Protects so well +[8290.200 --> 8293.080] Yeah, glad you mentioned running scenarios in your head +[8293.080 --> 8299.880] I've been curious all day as to whether or not you do visualization or mental rehearsal of physical movement +[8300.520 --> 8305.800] Um, this is a it seems to be a popular idea in in the states people are always asking me you know +[8306.280 --> 8310.120] Can you just imagine a movement and learn it better than +[8310.680 --> 8316.040] Where you to actually perform it my my hunch based on and my understanding the scientific literature is that +[8316.280 --> 8321.320] Visualization can be useful to some extent for people that are very good at visualization +[8321.720 --> 8326.200] But for many people it doesn't help and that there's nothing like real physical +[8326.840 --> 8328.280] practice to +[8328.280 --> 8330.600] improve physical practice +[8330.600 --> 8333.400] Yeah, the word visualization is not good obviously +[8334.040 --> 8337.800] Uh, it has to be experientialization +[8338.440 --> 8342.040] Uh, in a very complete way not just visually of course +[8342.840 --> 8344.040] and +[8344.840 --> 8347.720] Unless you already developed +[8349.080 --> 8352.040] Certain experience tangible experience that has been +[8352.760 --> 8355.880] Bet that has benefited from feedback from outside feedback +[8357.160 --> 8360.840] It is not very useful thing to do and it ends up +[8361.880 --> 8363.880] being fabrications +[8364.360 --> 8370.520] But if you're very experienced and you already gained the benefit of being burnt here or overextended here +[8371.000 --> 8373.800] Then you have a certain experience and then you can strengthen +[8374.360 --> 8378.120] Certain aspects of it, but you gotta be careful because you do not have feedback +[8379.240 --> 8382.520] And because of the missing feedback you might develop delusions +[8383.080 --> 8385.720] It might be that you develop a stronger patterning +[8386.600 --> 8395.800] But ultimately this would lead you away from the aliveness of the movement itself the reeling for example +[8396.600 --> 8398.440] very useful +[8398.520 --> 8403.800] To learn a general infrastructure of the movement sleeve or the technique +[8404.280 --> 8408.440] But then to dress it up you need feedback you need it to be alive +[8409.400 --> 8411.640] You need to receive +[8411.640 --> 8413.640] Something corrective +[8414.120 --> 8415.720] I love it +[8415.720 --> 8421.240] For many people the approach movement in the form of weight training or yoga or running +[8421.880 --> 8427.640] Um, yoga is a bit more about dynamic, but it's fairly linear types of exercise +[8428.600 --> 8432.120] And movement, uh, peloton, rowing, these kinds of things +[8432.440 --> 8435.080] Um, I think most people will probably not +[8436.520 --> 8443.000] Depart from those practices entirely because they like them. I'm speaking about myself. I like some of those very much. I enjoy them +[8444.440 --> 8450.840] But in terms of thinking about adding a movement practice to ones already existing exercise regime +[8451.400 --> 8454.280] Um, I can imagine threading it throughout the day +[8454.280 --> 8457.560] I can imagine having a dedicated movement practice one thing that I +[8458.600 --> 8461.160] Have started doing on the basis of some of your teachings +[8461.880 --> 8468.600] And I just sort of create this idea is rather than statically standing there in lifting weights actually walking from as I alternate repetitions +[8468.600 --> 8470.440] It occurred to me that I'd never done +[8471.400 --> 8475.240] Uh, a curl a bicep curl with one foot in front of the other +[8475.960 --> 8482.200] And then I'd never actually switch that up and it's a kind of an odd stance to be standing in parallel and curling one's arm +[8482.200 --> 8484.680] Is kind of a ridiculous movement when one thinks about it +[8484.760 --> 8487.480] So I started incorporating some of that you get some strange looks in the gym +[8487.560 --> 8494.680] But I just give them strange looks back. So um, what are your thoughts about these very linear forms of exercise and +[8495.400 --> 8499.160] um, and do you encourage people to expand the play space +[8499.720 --> 8502.520] Um, as it were for these kinds of exercise +[8503.000 --> 8505.240] Where do you think that movement practice is just best +[8505.800 --> 8507.800] uh, explored through +[8508.680 --> 8512.680] Three-dimensionality gravity and maybe a stickerable +[8514.760 --> 8519.400] It's definitely a problem and it's a it's approachable people want to quick +[8520.040 --> 8523.640] People want to hack people want that the icing and there is no cake +[8524.840 --> 8530.760] There is no cake and it's just like industries of icing icing icing on what what are you putting it on? +[8531.320 --> 8537.480] So for me that that's why I'm I'm going towards this side. It's like I have my life +[8538.120 --> 8540.920] Now tell me what movement practices I should pursue +[8542.280 --> 8544.280] You are movement +[8544.520 --> 8546.040] In essence you are not +[8546.760 --> 8548.760] thinking of yourself in +[8549.320 --> 8551.800] In any serious way in through my eyes +[8552.920 --> 8555.320] There is a dynamic entity to you +[8555.960 --> 8560.120] The body is a huge is a huge part of it communicating you have +[8561.160 --> 8567.400] Genetic layers there is a personality that got the phallep then built around various influences +[8567.400 --> 8570.600] But then there is also some kind of an essence something that +[8571.400 --> 8573.800] Ricks from within the cells and +[8574.680 --> 8582.440] If you grew up in my family and I grew up in your family and it would still be the same and that it's something that I always try to think about +[8582.440 --> 8584.440] What is that inside of me? +[8585.080 --> 8586.440] And +[8586.440 --> 8592.200] So I think these practices they're very good, but they're not designed for the goal that +[8592.920 --> 8594.920] We think they were designed to +[8595.800 --> 8598.360] It's oriented towards something else for example yoga +[8599.320 --> 8601.320] There is a good book called the yoga body +[8602.120 --> 8608.760] Which will destroy a lot of people's yoga practice and it goes into how did we get to this yoga +[8609.560 --> 8612.360] the influence of Swedish gymnastics and +[8613.480 --> 8617.240] Mongolian contortionists and the western +[8618.200 --> 8619.560] The west +[8619.560 --> 8622.520] affecting it and then the ancient practice which was +[8623.480 --> 8625.480] barely asana related +[8626.200 --> 8630.520] posture position so actually you said yoga is less linear yoga is very linear +[8631.560 --> 8637.080] Very linear these days these lines look at all the traditional dances. They look like nothing like yoga +[8637.960 --> 8643.640] Look at Thai dance look at Chinese dances martial arts. It's all rounded. It's all curled +[8643.640 --> 8648.200] It's like then like out nature what you see in nature and the movement of the animals +[8649.320 --> 8650.840] so +[8650.840 --> 8655.960] Where does it come from these are things to understand because it designs you now it shapes you +[8655.960 --> 8662.680] You're placing yourself in these forces of change and the streams of change and you have a good intention +[8662.760 --> 8664.760] you just want this or that but +[8665.400 --> 8667.400] The joke is on us and +[8668.040 --> 8670.280] This is the movement practice for me is first +[8670.920 --> 8674.440] Education let's start to think about this. I have nothing +[8675.960 --> 8678.840] That I can just sprinkle now some magic powder +[8679.560 --> 8683.480] That will help resolve this because it's a start of a deep investigation +[8685.240 --> 8693.480] And then some of the things program let's talk pragmatically because what you described is not about you placing the foot in front when you're curling +[8693.720 --> 8695.720] It's about the examination +[8696.440 --> 8699.480] This is why it it is a very good direction +[8700.200 --> 8704.120] And then you will need another one another one don't get stuck on that foot in front of it +[8704.680 --> 8709.800] And try to do with the eyes closed or with a different head posture and you will see things arrive +[8710.760 --> 8717.080] unrelated things because the associative mind the thinking this relates to this doesn't get to the heart with never +[8718.520 --> 8720.040] so +[8720.120 --> 8722.120] just infusing +[8723.160 --> 8725.160] These elements like in a cup +[8726.040 --> 8728.520] will create endless +[8728.680 --> 8734.280] Combinations possibilities and a lot of discovery and this for me is humility of the practitioner +[8734.520 --> 8741.160] I don't know I try like today with you. I tried various combinations and oh I discover something +[8741.720 --> 8745.240] There is this is a playful approach and this is a researcher approach +[8745.880 --> 8750.920] And I don't try to fit my truth into something I'm there to examine +[8751.800 --> 8753.800] I don't have a motive yet. Why? +[8753.960 --> 8755.800] Because I'm fine +[8756.600 --> 8760.200] I don't depend on that to define myself. I'm a human being +[8760.760 --> 8766.040] But if I don't have that sense of worth I'm already like geared towards I need to do this +[8766.040 --> 8768.040] I need to prove this I have this agenda +[8768.360 --> 8773.480] And this is how we get all the lies in the world and all the the problems and difficulties +[8773.800 --> 8775.400] So these practices +[8776.200 --> 8779.640] They are related to it to prove this that this way +[8780.200 --> 8784.600] And why we need muscles for xyz and a lot of the +[8787.160 --> 8788.600] reported +[8788.600 --> 8791.480] Outcomes are often from my places like funny +[8792.440 --> 8796.360] I hear about something like I heard you say about gratitude practice +[8797.560 --> 8798.600] that +[8798.600 --> 8799.800] Actually +[8799.800 --> 8805.320] Experiency from outside is if somebody else or you are receiving gratitude is actually more powerful +[8806.280 --> 8812.840] It's true, but I see why it's true. I'm not sure everybody sees if somebody tries to feel gratitude +[8813.320 --> 8815.320] Just sit with the eyes close +[8815.480 --> 8816.680] or +[8816.680 --> 8820.200] Watch a movie and sense the gratitude there. It would be clear to you +[8820.520 --> 8823.320] One is very difficult to do and the others very easy +[8823.800 --> 8827.800] Hence if gratitude is achieved easier this way. That's why it works like that +[8828.360 --> 8831.160] Although all the traditional practices are about you +[8832.120 --> 8835.720] And by challenging yourself to sense that gratitude yourself +[8836.360 --> 8841.240] They achieve much more powerful thing, but this is not the research people the people in the research +[8841.480 --> 8843.480] We don't have a lot of those people +[8843.480 --> 8844.760] so a lot of the +[8844.760 --> 8846.280] things that are +[8846.280 --> 8850.600] Can arrive to us way training the benefits or the way that +[8851.880 --> 8853.880] the hormonal effects +[8854.120 --> 8856.120] The effect over cognition etc +[8856.600 --> 8859.880] I when you open a bit and you go far out you +[8860.600 --> 8862.600] See certain things not the truth, but +[8863.240 --> 8865.240] Maybe less delusion +[8865.320 --> 8869.000] You can there is nothing definite, but there is +[8870.040 --> 8874.840] There is something maybe more wholesome that appears +[8876.520 --> 8878.440] And +[8878.440 --> 8879.960] Yeah +[8879.960 --> 8884.200] I think this is so this is a state state of exploration +[8885.640 --> 8887.960] I don't want to have the same thought +[8888.680 --> 8890.680] If I already had it +[8892.520 --> 8895.080] I would I want to have the same thought I already had it +[8895.880 --> 8897.480] I don't want to have the same practice +[8898.520 --> 8900.040] I don't want it +[8900.040 --> 8902.200] I curled already in this way +[8902.200 --> 8904.280] I want to experience something else. I want to +[8905.000 --> 8907.720] There is a benefit to game. No, but that was better +[8909.560 --> 8911.560] The better is better +[8912.680 --> 8915.400] This is not more is not +[8915.880 --> 8919.560] Faster is a better is better and better isn't +[8920.120 --> 8924.760] We don't know what better is right. So it's like it's open. Oh, this is better. I don't know +[8925.720 --> 8929.960] It's just more weight. It's one more kilo, but maybe if I remove one kilo +[8931.720 --> 8935.800] I discover something like for example the power development +[8936.920 --> 8938.920] That has been shown +[8938.920 --> 8943.960] To gain certain benefits when you lighten the load and you accelerated more in certain conditions +[8944.040 --> 8947.160] But who discovered it a practitioner and met person +[8948.280 --> 8952.440] And not Verkoshenski Zatzyorski they reported +[8954.120 --> 8958.360] Something but it was already within the grasp of the practitioners +[8959.160 --> 8964.040] I think and as a as a researcher this is very powerful +[8964.600 --> 8970.280] To remind yourself this and to work with that and as a practitioner as a living human being for everyone +[8970.520 --> 8973.240] I think something very useful and then those +[8974.040 --> 8976.040] plays that you're doing +[8976.200 --> 8977.240] It +[8977.240 --> 8979.960] People give you this the weird looks and it's like +[8980.600 --> 8982.840] Yeah, I tell people you don't want to be normal +[8985.000 --> 8988.280] If you don't get the weird looks you're not moving in the right direction +[8989.160 --> 8991.160] you're moving in and +[8991.880 --> 8996.520] In a very fixed and you already know the result of that direction. Let's say at least that +[8997.400 --> 9000.360] So continue to play with that continue to play +[9001.000 --> 9006.280] Look elsewhere look at places you didn't look yet because this is still like within the same layer one foot in front +[9006.680 --> 9009.800] One foot behind what happens when you do it with a smile +[9010.920 --> 9013.960] The same workout and when you do it with a frown +[9016.200 --> 9024.920] Or what happens breath holding or bloodstream chest all this is great play and I think very beneficial +[9025.480 --> 9027.480] To do to go through +[9027.960 --> 9028.920] of it +[9028.920 --> 9033.640] I think it's a wonderful message what I keep hearing from you over and over again is to +[9034.680 --> 9038.200] That people should explore explore explore +[9039.080 --> 9040.360] and +[9040.360 --> 9044.760] Listen, I want to thank you for your time today first of all +[9045.480 --> 9051.560] For the incredible teachings here at this table, but also the introduction to a movement practice +[9052.040 --> 9054.440] Although now I'm tempted to say that I've been moving my whole life +[9054.520 --> 9057.720] I've just didn't know I was that it was such a vast landscape +[9059.560 --> 9062.760] Also that you're willing us to tread out in this +[9063.480 --> 9069.400] Journey that is truly unique, you know that the greatest compliment that one can give in science is the one that I'm gonna +[9069.960 --> 9073.480] Tell you now because it's entirely appropriate, which is we say you're in N of one +[9073.800 --> 9077.560] Right that that and you truly are I don't think there's anyone +[9078.120 --> 9082.120] That has been as willing to embrace existing practices evolve +[9082.600 --> 9090.600] Them create new practices and and um and to share so broadly to really be willing to give and teach so much knowledge +[9091.080 --> 9093.720] You know earlier you made the mention of your your goals of +[9094.920 --> 9101.640] In part of being wild and wise and I'm here to tell you that you are both wild and wise and so +[9102.120 --> 9104.440] Thank you so much. Thank you very much. Thank you +[9104.840 --> 9110.920] Thank you for joining me today for my discussion about the science and practice of movement and movement culture with Edoportal +[9111.400 --> 9116.040] If you'd like to learn more about Edop and his workshops and other aspects of what he does +[9116.520 --> 9119.960] Please go to his social media his Instagram handle is portal +[9120.520 --> 9123.240] p-o-r-t-a-l dot edoportal.com +[9123.560 --> 9130.120] You can also go to edoportal.com and there there are tremendous number of resources that will lead you to more information +[9130.600 --> 9134.120] About what he does if you're learning from and or enjoying this podcast +[9134.360 --> 9139.080] Please subscribe to our YouTube channel. That's a terrific zero-cost way to support us as well +[9139.240 --> 9146.920] Please subscribe to our podcast on Spotify and Apple and on both Spotify and Apple you have the opportunity to leave us up to a five-star review +[9147.400 --> 9149.800] On Apple you can also leave us comments and feedback +[9150.360 --> 9155.240] And if you have suggestions about topics or podcasts guests that you'd like us to cover on the podcast +[9155.560 --> 9160.120] If you have criticism or questions, please put those in the comments section on YouTube +[9160.280 --> 9162.280] We do read all those comments +[9162.440 --> 9165.720] Please also check out the sponsors mentioned at the beginning of today's podcast +[9165.720 --> 9169.240] That's the best way to support this podcast not on today's episode +[9169.240 --> 9173.080] But on many previous episodes of the hubramin lab podcast we discuss supplements +[9173.240 --> 9175.400] While supplements aren't necessary for everybody +[9175.400 --> 9179.640] Many people derive tremendous benefit from them or could derive tremendous benefit from them +[9180.200 --> 9183.960] For that reason the hubramin lab podcast is decided to partner with momentus +[9184.520 --> 9188.840] We decided to partner with momentus because first of all they are of the absolute highest quality +[9189.000 --> 9191.160] Second of all they ship anywhere in the world +[9191.160 --> 9195.240] And third we wanted to have one site that people could go to where they could find the supplements +[9195.240 --> 9199.640] They're discussed on this podcast in the various dosages and single ingredient forms +[9199.640 --> 9203.160] That we often suggest or point people to on the podcast +[9203.400 --> 9207.320] So if you'd like to see the supplements that I take or that have been mentioned on the podcast +[9207.400 --> 9212.760] Please go to livemomentus.com slash hubramin and they're listed there as well as available there +[9212.760 --> 9215.160] If you're not already following us on social media +[9215.160 --> 9218.120] We are hubramin lab on both Instagram and Twitter +[9218.680 --> 9222.280] Both places I do short posts about science and science related tools +[9222.280 --> 9225.080] Some of which overlap with the content of the hubramin lab podcast +[9225.400 --> 9229.080] And other of which is distinct from the information on the hubramin lab podcast +[9229.080 --> 9232.440] So again, that's hubramin lab on Twitter and hubramin lab on Instagram +[9232.520 --> 9235.080] We also have a newsletter that many people find useful +[9235.080 --> 9237.160] This is a completely zero cost newsletter +[9237.160 --> 9239.240] You can find it by going to hubraminlab.com +[9239.240 --> 9241.880] Click on the menu and go to newsletter and you sign up with your email +[9241.880 --> 9243.800] We do not share your email with anybody +[9243.800 --> 9246.600] And we have a very clear privacy policy listed there +[9246.600 --> 9249.000] You can also get access at the very same site +[9249.240 --> 9254.040] To newsletters from the past to see if those newsletters are indeed of interest to you +[9254.040 --> 9256.680] We have newsletters about a toolkit for sleep for instance +[9256.680 --> 9262.120] Or a neuroplasticity super protocol that incorporates a lot of different podcast episodes and themes +[9262.120 --> 9263.640] That you might find useful +[9263.640 --> 9268.520] Again, that's hubraminlab.com and go to the menu and click on newsletter and sign up +[9268.520 --> 9272.360] And last but certainly not least, thank you for your interest in science diff --git a/transcript/podcast_ci9grSFnGFQ.txt b/transcript/podcast_ci9grSFnGFQ.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..25272b917f2fb37c6d3b22f64f4aead6814b3c45 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_ci9grSFnGFQ.txt @@ -0,0 +1,94 @@ +[0.000 --> 10.640] I'm not very articulate. +[10.640 --> 11.800] He's old. +[11.800 --> 13.840] Everybody thinks he's old. +[13.840 --> 16.880] Not a very old figure. +[16.880 --> 20.280] He's going to die within the first year in shit. +[20.280 --> 25.120] Biden has a speech impediment which is kind of people that he came over came at and +[25.120 --> 28.720] stuff but I think that kind of looks like he's old. +[28.720 --> 30.960] Man both of these guys are old. +[30.960 --> 33.120] They don't speak how we want to hear them. +[33.120 --> 34.120] They're not good orators. +[34.120 --> 38.720] I'm kind of like a very young, young demeanor and a sense. +[38.720 --> 40.720] It's like a good hand. +[40.720 --> 42.840] He's like an animated person. +[42.840 --> 45.600] Believe what I'm doing. +[45.600 --> 47.600] And you hear my husband talk with my husband. +[47.600 --> 48.600] Man, dude, the yelling at you dude. +[48.600 --> 51.600] Everyone's yelling like Trump oppression. +[51.600 --> 56.440] I can't buy this to our world. +[56.440 --> 57.440] I can't even do it here. +[57.440 --> 60.880] He has been doing them hand motion. +[60.880 --> 64.560] He's like the lids. +[64.560 --> 70.840] Honestly, they say people that talk with their hands are like, when they, I don't know +[70.840 --> 74.200] if this is like applicable but it's like when you two talk with your hand you Schupern +[74.200 --> 75.400] animated about it. +[75.400 --> 79.740] It's like you're speaking more from like a gen, like you at least think what you're saying +[79.740 --> 80.740] is correct. +[80.740 --> 85.800] You might not be correct but you yourself believe that like what you're saying is just +[85.800 --> 86.800] real. +[86.880 --> 90.480] You know how people say Trump is like evil and stuff like a lot of people on the left +[90.480 --> 93.240] will say that like he is a horrible person and all that stuff. +[93.240 --> 94.560] I just think he's stupid. +[94.560 --> 100.920] Like I really do think he has convinced himself that he's always right. +[100.920 --> 102.240] He's like a pathological liar. +[102.240 --> 105.160] So whatever comes out of his mouth to him is true. +[105.160 --> 108.800] And we just like, I watched that documentary, dude. +[108.800 --> 112.680] I don't know if you've seen this but it was like, I'm definitely like Trump's like in +[112.680 --> 116.760] our working or like how he got to where he got to and it's like goes all the way back +[116.760 --> 117.760] to like this person. +[117.760 --> 120.520] I watched it and like all this stuff. +[120.520 --> 121.520] It was pretty insightful. +[121.520 --> 125.560] It's like you know all this story about like the bank loans, equity, like you know the +[125.560 --> 128.440] posh and like Atlantic City and stuff. +[128.440 --> 132.360] And then they have like all these people that like had firsthand deals working with them +[132.360 --> 134.560] and they're like, oh yeah, he's a sociopath. +[134.560 --> 138.280] Like this guy like doesn't know shit from right wrong or right. +[138.280 --> 143.960] Like he's business is filed for bankruptcy so many like you I only talk about it's called +[143.960 --> 145.960] 30 money. +[145.960 --> 148.280] And yeah, I think so. +[148.280 --> 149.280] Yeah. +[149.280 --> 150.280] Look at the episodes on him. +[150.280 --> 155.280] And so he filed for bankruptcy like and he hasn't repaid so many people and what saved +[155.280 --> 162.040] him was the apprentice which was produced by the guy that owned CNN, which is what I'm +[162.040 --> 164.960] trying to tell you like there was like a bit of a link there. +[164.960 --> 170.480] And it's basically like CNN created a monster and then it got out of their hands. +[170.480 --> 174.320] Now they're like, what the hell do I have to wear the box boy? +[174.320 --> 176.560] So it's so fascinating to me. +[176.560 --> 178.560] Um, but yeah. +[178.560 --> 179.560] Yeah, that's funny. +[179.560 --> 185.760] He always like, yeah, where's your target of turn and be like, it's coming very soon. +[185.760 --> 187.760] Very soon and right around the corner. +[187.760 --> 188.760] Coming soon. +[188.760 --> 189.760] FedEx first day. +[189.760 --> 190.760] One day shipping. +[190.760 --> 194.760] They're like, bro, even it's all there. +[194.760 --> 196.760] I wanted to do a show. +[196.760 --> 198.920] Oh, it's seven, seven 50. +[198.920 --> 199.920] It was like 750. +[199.920 --> 204.580] And I was like, that's 750 was probably just because some pack account and fucked up and +[204.580 --> 206.760] didn't like call that as deductible to. +[206.760 --> 207.760] Yeah. +[207.760 --> 208.760] Yeah. +[208.760 --> 212.480] Like, there was you look at it. +[212.480 --> 216.520] There was like all these depreciation for like haircuts and business expenses. +[216.520 --> 219.040] And I think the most, and I saw some pretty recently, dude. +[219.040 --> 223.800] And it's like his, it was basically making the arguments that like he never really got +[223.800 --> 225.760] disconnected from his businesses. +[225.760 --> 233.000] And that he goes to vacation at his own properties and like he basically charges the US government. +[233.000 --> 238.000] And the secret service for each of those hotel room rates and shit that like the secret +[238.000 --> 239.000] service stays in. +[239.000 --> 242.040] It's like 650 a night per room. +[242.040 --> 245.920] And that's like, I mean, it netted out to be like close to a million dollars to them. +[245.920 --> 252.040] Like cash flow, the taxpayer money is then paid for him to stay at his own hotel. +[252.040 --> 253.040] Exactly. +[253.040 --> 255.720] Well, that's like such a. +[255.720 --> 260.000] How's that not blatant eruption like this guy? +[260.000 --> 261.600] And this is just the tip of the ice cream. +[261.600 --> 263.760] Like what he's doing with leaders. +[263.760 --> 264.920] Oh my God. +[264.920 --> 267.200] Like we would lose our minds. +[267.200 --> 272.640] He's making millions of dollars or hypothetically planning to make millions of dollars in the +[272.640 --> 278.160] future based on his connections that he made through the presidency and the favors that +[278.160 --> 280.160] he's doing right now. +[280.160 --> 281.160] Yeah. +[281.160 --> 282.160] Shit that we don't know yet. diff --git a/transcript/podcast_jG4fV3R_A5c.txt b/transcript/podcast_jG4fV3R_A5c.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..2d5a2675dc35e1cff447ec92d7939585269db6d4 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_jG4fV3R_A5c.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1467 @@ +[0.000 --> 3.000] Our relationship to fitness is broken. +[3.000 --> 4.520] Don't look for perfection. +[4.520 --> 7.320] Look for steady gradual progress. +[7.320 --> 9.320] Look at what you're doing within the environment +[9.320 --> 11.280] and try and make small changes within it. +[11.280 --> 14.160] Rather than add too much to your day, +[14.160 --> 16.400] don't do it because someone else is doing it. +[16.400 --> 18.200] Do it because you want to do it. +[18.200 --> 20.000] It's something you can choose to do +[20.000 --> 23.000] to really powerfully influence your mental health. +[26.480 --> 28.360] To move is to be human. +[28.360 --> 32.080] It is something that is inherent to our nature. +[32.080 --> 36.640] It's not a chore, it's not a box to tick or an obligation. +[36.640 --> 39.840] Movement is what our bodies are designed to do. +[39.840 --> 43.000] We're born to move, we're born to explore +[43.000 --> 46.040] and to physically connect with the world around us +[46.040 --> 48.120] in whatever capacity we can. +[48.120 --> 51.760] Create the joy first and everything else will follow. +[51.760 --> 55.520] Movement can be playful, it can be deeply enjoyable +[55.520 --> 57.400] and even meditative. +[57.440 --> 60.840] So today, we're gonna dive into those benefits +[60.840 --> 64.120] as well as the house and the wise of all things movement +[64.120 --> 65.880] in today's master class. +[65.880 --> 70.040] The eighth and our ongoing deep dives into the RRP canon +[70.040 --> 74.000] where you're gonna learn how to start a movement practice. +[74.000 --> 77.600] The importance of mobility exercises, +[77.600 --> 79.760] proper running and walking techniques, +[79.760 --> 82.240] mental tricks to stay motivated +[82.240 --> 84.960] and how to set and achieve your movement goals. +[85.000 --> 89.800] My hope is that this episode gives you both the inspiration +[89.800 --> 93.720] as well as the tools to begin or improve upon a practice +[93.720 --> 97.000] that feels natural to you, that brings you joy +[97.000 --> 100.800] and that ends up transforming your life +[100.800 --> 103.760] as you follow that journey. +[103.760 --> 106.000] This episode is brought to you by Roca. +[107.280 --> 110.920] Fitness does not have to be about six pack abs, +[110.920 --> 113.680] perfect pictures, weight loss, overtraining +[113.680 --> 118.400] or destroying your body for the sake of some impossible standard. +[118.400 --> 121.480] Fitness can be more about listening to your body +[121.480 --> 125.480] and moving in a way that's pressure free, that's positive +[125.480 --> 129.880] and fun and this is the perspective of Sadie Lincoln. +[129.880 --> 133.240] Sadie is the founder and CEO of BAR3, +[133.240 --> 135.920] which is a fitness company focused not on weight loss +[135.920 --> 140.440] but rather on body positivity and personal empowerment. +[140.440 --> 143.240] In the following clip, you'll hear Sadie explain why +[143.280 --> 146.640] she decided to redefine the word fitness +[146.640 --> 148.240] and how she thinks about it now. +[150.480 --> 153.920] My husband and I co-founded BAR3 in 2008 is when we opened. +[153.920 --> 157.080] I've been in the fitness industry my entire professional career. +[157.080 --> 158.960] I fell in love with it in the 80s, +[158.960 --> 162.560] like meeting Jane Fonda and my living room with my mom. +[162.560 --> 166.880] It just drew me in right away for various reasons. +[166.880 --> 171.040] And when we opened BAR3, we didn't use the word fitness +[171.080 --> 176.080] because I had it anchored to negativity and being a chore. +[178.200 --> 180.640] And something that I didn't identify with. +[180.640 --> 185.640] And it wasn't until about eight years ago or eight years in +[186.120 --> 190.040] that we took back that word fitness and we're redefining it. +[190.040 --> 192.040] So what is that redefinition? +[192.040 --> 193.400] And first of all, I want to point out +[193.400 --> 195.520] there's nothing wrong with fitness as we all know it. +[195.520 --> 199.360] It's just my relationship to fitness is broken. +[199.480 --> 202.400] And so I needed to redefine it and I noticed +[202.400 --> 204.600] that a lot of other people do as well. +[204.600 --> 208.280] I just wasn't happy in my own body during that era. +[208.280 --> 210.920] And I was not identifying with fitness, +[210.920 --> 212.800] the product that we were selling. +[212.800 --> 214.560] And I had a lot of shame around it. +[214.560 --> 215.560] Explain that. +[217.360 --> 219.640] I'm sitting in meetings with all these people +[219.640 --> 221.400] learning about these crazy numbers +[221.400 --> 223.400] and a crazy growth of our company. +[223.400 --> 227.160] I'm also learning from all these amazing consulting firms +[227.160 --> 230.360] and the statistics and data that our health is on the decline. +[230.360 --> 234.720] So as the industry is booming, our health is declining significantly. +[235.760 --> 237.720] And so that's confusing. +[237.720 --> 238.240] Right. +[238.240 --> 239.280] I'm always like, +[239.280 --> 240.040] Oh, +[240.040 --> 243.040] obesity and diabetes rates going through the roof. +[243.040 --> 247.120] When fitness as a product and service was invented in my mind, 1980, +[247.120 --> 250.720] obesity has doubled since 1980. +[250.720 --> 251.240] Diabetes. +[251.240 --> 254.760] The health club industry has a right corner. +[254.760 --> 256.240] Up a right corner year over year. +[256.240 --> 258.480] It's a $30 billion industry to study. +[258.480 --> 260.440] What is not working here? +[260.440 --> 261.920] Fitness is working. +[261.920 --> 263.880] Fitness when you study it in a lab, +[263.880 --> 266.160] you've studied it in your body. +[266.160 --> 267.080] I have to. +[267.080 --> 267.840] It works. +[267.840 --> 269.240] Fitness is not broken. +[269.240 --> 270.920] Fitness is good. +[270.920 --> 275.480] What I have discovered is that our relationship to fitness is broken. +[275.480 --> 278.080] And there is so much shame in that relationship. +[279.520 --> 283.480] How predominantly to this day, fitness is sold +[283.480 --> 287.360] is that you start in the before picture. +[287.360 --> 290.800] And then you do the products and services in a certain order +[290.800 --> 292.680] and you become the after picture. +[292.680 --> 294.720] That's how it's sold. +[294.720 --> 297.560] There is, let's look at that for a second, the before and after. +[299.160 --> 301.680] If you think about an after, that's in the future. +[301.680 --> 302.440] It's imagined. +[302.440 --> 303.600] It's not real. +[303.600 --> 305.680] There's nothing real about the after picture. +[305.680 --> 307.800] And literally when you see a before and after picture, +[307.800 --> 311.360] which still is prolific and that's what sells, +[311.360 --> 313.000] it's someone else. +[313.800 --> 316.560] How they have achieved a physical measure of success. +[316.560 --> 319.640] Sometimes there's a diary behind it that's like how I feel as well, +[319.640 --> 322.280] but it's often a physical manifestation. +[322.280 --> 323.800] So we can't ever get to that person. +[323.800 --> 327.320] And by the way, that person's not that person anymore either. +[327.320 --> 330.880] There is no presence in the before and after picture. +[330.880 --> 333.040] There is no presence in that. +[333.040 --> 334.960] And there's a shame in that. +[334.960 --> 340.040] So fitness has been sold on, you are not whole yet. +[340.040 --> 342.560] If you do these things, you'll be better. +[343.360 --> 347.360] And every year there's a new idea and a new fat and a new product +[347.360 --> 348.640] and a new supplement. +[348.640 --> 352.200] And on top of it, there's this extreme nature of fitness. +[352.200 --> 355.480] This more extreme you go, the better results you'll get. +[355.480 --> 357.240] So I always think of like there's comfort zone +[357.240 --> 359.160] where you're in the center and you're comfort. +[359.160 --> 362.280] Then there's brave space where you go just outside of that comfort. +[362.280 --> 365.560] And that's where in the body, like you're lifting weights, +[365.560 --> 367.880] let's say in your body goes to fatigue and failure. +[367.880 --> 368.880] And then it rebuilds. +[368.880 --> 369.760] That's brave space. +[369.760 --> 371.200] You're rebuilding your muscle. +[371.200 --> 372.480] Same with our mental capacity. +[372.480 --> 374.800] Just going just enough so that you're rebuilding. +[374.800 --> 376.320] Building resilience, building strength. +[376.320 --> 378.720] And we do need that sand and the oyster that make the pearl. +[378.720 --> 381.720] We need that rub in our bodies physically. +[381.720 --> 384.760] But the industry goes so extreme that we go into panic zone. +[384.760 --> 388.800] So many people enter exercise and they go to heart too hard. +[388.800 --> 392.880] They get injured, they anchor it to pain, to shame, +[392.880 --> 394.120] to not looking apart. +[394.120 --> 396.320] And then we get promised in one sweatshash. +[396.320 --> 399.400] You're going to be skinny and beautiful and perfect and awesome. +[399.400 --> 399.920] Right. +[399.920 --> 402.600] So there's just so many ridiculous. +[402.600 --> 404.160] When we all talk about this, we're always like, +[404.160 --> 406.000] that's so ridiculous. +[406.000 --> 406.840] I know better. +[406.840 --> 408.280] I know better. +[408.280 --> 411.000] But the world says that all the time. +[411.000 --> 412.000] Right. +[412.000 --> 413.880] Intellectually, we know better, but emotionally, we don't. +[413.880 --> 418.000] And we've been, it plays into that thing +[418.000 --> 419.480] if I want to belong. +[419.480 --> 422.400] If I look that way, I'll be attractive. +[422.400 --> 423.520] I'll be successful. +[423.520 --> 425.160] I'll be seen as successful. +[425.160 --> 426.240] I'll be worthy. +[426.240 --> 427.560] I'll be happy. +[427.560 --> 429.000] I'll belong. +[429.000 --> 432.680] And would if, this is a question we all ask ourselves all the time, +[432.680 --> 438.600] would if we exercised to practice being honest in our bodies? +[438.600 --> 442.440] Forget about even feeling good in our bodies, just honest. +[442.440 --> 444.640] And that everything I do in that moment +[444.640 --> 448.800] is about honoring who I am in my physical self +[448.800 --> 450.560] and what I need in that moment. +[450.560 --> 455.240] The word fitness in and of itself is strange because part +[455.240 --> 458.560] of it is aspirational, but it's also +[458.560 --> 459.640] this pejorative. +[459.640 --> 463.080] You think of fitness and you think about a treadmill +[463.080 --> 464.760] underneath a fluorescent light. +[464.760 --> 467.120] And you think about a bunch of people +[467.120 --> 469.120] walking around that look better than you +[469.120 --> 471.560] and feeling less than. +[471.560 --> 475.000] The whole industry is built upon, +[475.000 --> 477.840] praying on people's insecurities to get you to join +[477.840 --> 481.400] and then not actually attend so they can over-subscribe. +[481.400 --> 482.400] Yes. +[482.400 --> 483.400] Spon. +[483.400 --> 484.800] Yeah. +[484.800 --> 487.120] And that's broken and not healthy, obviously. +[487.120 --> 488.000] And it works. +[488.000 --> 489.320] It makes money. +[489.320 --> 492.600] And if you look at fitness as an analogy, +[492.600 --> 497.160] I just over and over again, what we teach in our room +[497.160 --> 499.880] at Bar 3 is such an analogy of life. +[499.880 --> 503.000] There's 60 minutes of moving together as a group +[503.000 --> 506.240] and aligning our body with intention, foundation, +[506.240 --> 510.120] lining the body up, getting into posture in a way +[510.120 --> 513.480] that with integrity, but the real work is looking inside +[513.480 --> 515.040] and figuring out what do I need right now. +[515.040 --> 516.920] And then honoring that and moving in a way +[516.920 --> 518.600] and taking shape in your body in a way +[518.600 --> 520.680] that's right for what you need. +[520.680 --> 522.760] When you're in a group, the expectation +[522.760 --> 524.200] is that you're looking outside yourself +[524.200 --> 526.080] and you're copying what everybody else is doing. +[526.080 --> 528.960] On top of these conditions that full plank on the floor +[528.960 --> 530.600] is harder so it's better and it's +[530.600 --> 531.960] going to get me where I need to be. +[531.960 --> 533.800] So I need to do full plank. +[533.800 --> 535.480] But if you're doing full plank and you have like +[535.480 --> 539.120] burning wrist pain, maybe plank is better at the ballet bar. +[539.120 --> 540.440] And if you stand up at the ballet bar +[540.440 --> 543.080] and everybody's on the floor that's literally +[543.080 --> 545.840] and figuratively a practice of standing up for yourself +[545.840 --> 550.520] and honoring what your body needs and honoring your values, +[550.520 --> 552.840] like I'm body wisdom, taking care of my body +[552.840 --> 556.240] and not disassociating with it and trying to fight through it. +[556.240 --> 559.320] And that's what I think the real work is +[559.320 --> 562.400] is practicing that over and over and over again. +[562.400 --> 566.160] I think I also read that you open the class by saying, +[566.160 --> 569.160] we're going to take you through this hour long experience +[569.160 --> 570.640] and I'm going to say a lot of things +[570.640 --> 572.440] or the instructor's going to say a lot of things. +[572.440 --> 575.320] But the most important thing is that you listen to yourself, +[575.320 --> 579.640] like you kind of set that tone that provides that kernel +[579.640 --> 581.480] of empowerment for the individual. +[581.480 --> 584.120] Because we need to practice that. +[584.120 --> 585.480] We all know that. +[585.480 --> 588.240] We all know when we sit quietly, +[588.240 --> 590.960] there's those moments you know your inner self, +[590.960 --> 594.120] your inner knowing is important. +[594.120 --> 597.120] You're not just exercising your muscles, joint mobility, +[597.120 --> 599.960] posture, connection, endurance. +[599.960 --> 601.320] You're not just exercising that. +[601.320 --> 604.160] You're exercising so much more. +[604.320 --> 608.520] And that is when we do all three of those things, +[608.520 --> 611.520] I think of it as physical exercise, connectedness, +[611.520 --> 613.320] mental exercise, connectedness. +[613.320 --> 614.960] And the third that's really important +[614.960 --> 618.640] is social connectedness, exercising social connectedness. +[618.640 --> 623.040] The reason we're exercising is to acknowledge, +[623.040 --> 624.520] oh, I'm doing it like everybody else, +[624.520 --> 626.200] I should be doing it like myself. +[626.200 --> 628.960] Instead of trying to copy and skip some understanding. +[628.960 --> 629.920] That's one of my favorite quotes. +[629.920 --> 631.560] I read that in a book, ReWork. +[631.560 --> 633.920] Copying, skips, understanding. +[633.920 --> 637.840] And movement is an exercise of exercising body wisdom, +[637.840 --> 638.960] of learning about your body. +[638.960 --> 640.400] That's why I love it. +[640.400 --> 642.760] Now I have my attachment to that +[642.760 --> 644.880] versus it being a chore, shame. +[644.880 --> 645.800] I'm not good enough. +[645.800 --> 648.880] My injury is something I should push away +[648.880 --> 650.760] instead of work with. +[650.760 --> 653.040] I think I'm interpreted often as, +[653.040 --> 655.040] oh, that's soft and sweet. +[655.040 --> 659.440] And it doesn't mean that it's not hard work. +[659.440 --> 661.520] Like all of what I'm talking about, +[661.520 --> 664.200] I think has a lot to do with being an endurance athlete. +[664.200 --> 667.320] For example, there's nothing wrong with wanting to win. +[667.320 --> 668.080] Yeah. +[668.080 --> 670.880] There's nothing wrong with the results and the pain +[670.880 --> 673.440] and like the resilience and the grit +[673.440 --> 676.040] and the pushing through and the healing, the heart, +[676.040 --> 678.600] that hard work, right? +[679.560 --> 683.280] And like I just think that every one of us +[683.280 --> 685.560] can practice that in a different way. +[685.560 --> 688.120] And there's just, there's not one way to do that. +[688.120 --> 689.640] But it's always brief space +[689.640 --> 691.120] that when I was talking about brief space, +[691.120 --> 693.840] my favorite quote is the sand in the oyster +[693.840 --> 695.880] that makes the pearl the rub. +[695.880 --> 698.840] And so like with bar three, it is challenging. +[698.840 --> 700.080] You do go to fatigue. +[700.080 --> 702.200] It does, it is a struggle. +[702.200 --> 704.120] And then it's learning to breathe through that struggle +[704.120 --> 708.120] and look at it without judgment or shame. +[708.120 --> 709.920] And then work all the way through it. +[712.520 --> 715.360] For a lot of people, the word exercise +[715.360 --> 717.640] too often conjures unpleasant images +[717.640 --> 721.360] of intense workouts, treadmills and stairmasters. +[721.360 --> 723.640] And as Sadie said, calorie burning +[723.640 --> 726.000] that's based on judgment and shame. +[726.000 --> 730.520] And so it's no wonder that a lot of people find it difficult +[730.520 --> 732.720] to even get started, let alone maintain +[732.720 --> 735.040] a sustained movement practice. +[735.040 --> 738.280] But health psychologist and Stanford University lecturer +[738.280 --> 740.760] Kelly McGonagall believes there's a feel +[740.760 --> 743.800] good form of movement meant for everybody. +[743.800 --> 746.240] And she's here to help you find it. +[748.360 --> 749.920] You think you don't like to move, +[749.920 --> 751.800] you think you don't enjoy it. +[751.800 --> 755.000] I believe that there's a form of movement meant for everyone +[755.000 --> 756.960] and no matter what body you're in +[756.960 --> 759.120] or no matter what your past experience is. +[759.120 --> 761.000] There's probably a way that moving your body +[761.000 --> 763.040] will give you access to something that you want, +[763.040 --> 765.840] whether it's social connection or hope, +[765.840 --> 767.800] a different sense of yourself. +[767.800 --> 771.000] What is the feeling that I have when I marvel +[771.000 --> 775.600] about how the body is so, is almost designed +[775.600 --> 778.200] to help us find happiness and meaning through movement? +[778.200 --> 780.240] What's that feeling, that sense of wonder and awe? +[780.240 --> 782.640] And what does it tell us about being human? +[782.640 --> 785.280] And when I had permission to think in that way, +[785.280 --> 788.680] I feel like it opened me up to a different type of story as well. +[788.680 --> 791.080] When I started talking to people about movement, +[791.080 --> 792.840] one of the things I realized is, +[792.840 --> 796.320] when you talk to people who have found meaning in movement, +[796.320 --> 798.520] that they become this version of themselves +[798.520 --> 800.240] when they're telling you their story, +[800.240 --> 805.560] that is this amazing mixture of both incredible vulnerability +[806.000 --> 809.920] and strength, that somehow they both emerge. +[809.920 --> 812.440] And you can see this full human, +[812.440 --> 815.280] and this tremendous glory and beauty. +[815.280 --> 818.840] And I felt like, I need to do that justice. +[818.840 --> 822.200] I came across this paper, I think it was maybe a 2016 paper +[822.200 --> 824.160] where the scientists talk about this research +[824.160 --> 826.960] and they just sort of throw out the term hope molecules. +[826.960 --> 830.160] And I remember circling it, I think I said to my husband, +[830.160 --> 832.720] oh my gosh, you're not gonna believe this term, +[832.720 --> 836.560] it encapsulates so much about why movement is amazing. +[836.560 --> 838.560] And I feel like nobody else is using this term, +[838.560 --> 839.760] it's just in this one paper, +[839.760 --> 841.840] I'm not sure the scientists I've used it again, +[841.840 --> 844.000] but let me explain what it is. +[844.000 --> 846.440] So this is the idea that our muscles +[846.440 --> 847.960] are like an endocrine organ, +[847.960 --> 851.680] and that when you contract your muscles in any type of movement, +[851.680 --> 854.720] they are secreting chemicals into your bloodstream +[854.720 --> 857.120] that are really good for every system of your body. +[857.120 --> 858.560] I mean, they're great for your heart health +[858.560 --> 859.560] and your immune function, +[859.560 --> 862.160] and some of them can kill cancer cells, +[862.160 --> 865.600] and all the stuff we know exercise is good for. +[865.600 --> 868.520] But that a big part of these proteins and chemicals +[868.520 --> 870.080] that are being released by your muscles, +[870.080 --> 871.840] which are called myocons, +[871.840 --> 874.240] they have profound effects on the brain. +[874.240 --> 877.120] So you go for a walk or a run or you lift weights, +[877.120 --> 878.600] and your muscles contract, +[878.600 --> 881.360] and they secrete these proteins into your bloodstream, +[881.360 --> 884.560] they travel to your brain, they cross the blood brain barrier, +[884.560 --> 888.080] and in your brain, they can act as an antidepressant +[888.080 --> 889.440] like iris and ken, +[889.440 --> 892.880] they can make your brain more resilient to stress. +[892.880 --> 894.200] They increase motivation, +[894.200 --> 896.000] they help you learn from experience, +[896.000 --> 898.200] and the only way you get these chemicals +[898.200 --> 899.800] is by using your muscles. +[899.800 --> 904.560] It's like this is part of how we become our best selves +[904.560 --> 906.400] is we have to use our muscles, +[906.400 --> 908.400] and then the scientists called them hope molecules +[908.400 --> 912.000] because in this one study, they found that exercise +[912.000 --> 915.440] could protect rodents from experiencing depression +[915.440 --> 917.360] and post-traumatic stress disorder +[917.360 --> 919.440] if you severely traumatize them. +[919.440 --> 922.080] So this idea that these molecules +[922.080 --> 924.360] are giving you hope even in very difficult times. +[924.360 --> 926.320] So it's not a natally human. +[926.320 --> 928.640] That's right, it's not a natally human. +[928.640 --> 930.920] So extrapolating on that idea, +[930.920 --> 933.200] like what do you make of that? +[933.200 --> 934.920] Like what does that mean? +[934.920 --> 936.560] Well first of all, at a very practical level, +[936.560 --> 940.120] it means when I go for a walk or I exercise, +[940.120 --> 942.520] I will literally say to myself, +[942.520 --> 944.840] you were giving yourself an intravenous dose of hope. +[944.840 --> 947.280] Like I think this is how we should frame movement +[947.280 --> 950.200] that it's something you can choose to do +[950.200 --> 953.600] to really powerfully influence your mental health +[953.600 --> 956.960] and your resilience, and every time you move, +[956.960 --> 958.120] you're doing that. +[958.120 --> 961.080] I think to know that, to look at your own muscles +[961.080 --> 964.360] and be able to say, thank you, legs, you're tired now, +[964.360 --> 968.840] that was hard work, but legs, you are a pharmacy +[968.840 --> 972.080] that of anti-depressants and resilience and hope, +[973.120 --> 976.480] then sort of thinking like in a more philosophical way. +[976.480 --> 978.480] Again, one of the things that I feel like +[978.480 --> 980.600] the anthropology and the science is pointing to +[980.600 --> 985.360] is that movement is how your brain knows you are alive +[985.360 --> 988.040] and engaged in life, and when you move +[988.040 --> 992.760] on a regular basis, your brain basically says, +[992.760 --> 995.480] I guess we have to be the best version of ourselves +[995.480 --> 997.960] because we're in this thing called life. +[997.960 --> 1001.160] And so you mentioned some other things too. +[1001.160 --> 1004.560] Like when you exercise, you see increased levels +[1004.560 --> 1007.320] of neurotransmitters that tend to increase +[1007.320 --> 1009.800] our willingness to cooperate and the pleasure +[1009.800 --> 1013.200] we get from connecting with others that give us hope and courage. +[1013.200 --> 1016.920] I mean, even that lactic acid, that metabolic byproduct +[1016.920 --> 1020.360] of exercise, that lactic acid seems to have +[1020.360 --> 1023.200] an anti-anxiety and anti-depressant effect. +[1023.200 --> 1025.760] This is a crazy stuff, it's not just an endorphin rush. +[1025.760 --> 1029.800] It's like at every level of our biology, when we move, +[1029.800 --> 1033.600] our brain is like, I guess we have to do this thing called life. +[1033.600 --> 1036.720] And so for people like me who've struggled with anxiety +[1036.720 --> 1040.480] or depression, this idea that you can convince your brain +[1040.480 --> 1043.160] to want a fully engaged with life in a brave way +[1043.160 --> 1047.840] or in a hopeful way through movement is so phenomenal. +[1047.840 --> 1049.720] But I think there's a lot of people out there +[1049.720 --> 1053.600] who can read the book or listen to what you're saying +[1053.600 --> 1058.520] and they can intellectually grasp all the finer points +[1058.520 --> 1062.040] of why this is a good idea, but they lack that impetus. +[1062.040 --> 1066.200] They look at it as burdensome or intimidating +[1066.200 --> 1069.880] or something that they just don't connect with. +[1069.880 --> 1071.400] So a couple of things about this. +[1071.400 --> 1075.560] First of all, I should say, in my experience talking to people, +[1075.560 --> 1079.000] there are a lot of late-to-life movers who just +[1079.000 --> 1081.560] need to define the right form of movement. +[1081.560 --> 1084.600] And I don't think we get exposed to enough diversity +[1084.600 --> 1089.920] of movement, like women who got in a boat to row. +[1089.920 --> 1092.680] And their whole life thought they had the wrong body type +[1092.680 --> 1094.960] that they weren't athletes, but suddenly they got in a boat +[1094.960 --> 1096.720] with other women and were rowing. +[1096.720 --> 1101.480] And they were like, yes, my body was born for this. +[1101.480 --> 1104.720] That there are so many forms of movement that +[1104.720 --> 1106.480] change the way you feel about yourself +[1106.480 --> 1110.800] because they just create a different narrative about who you are. +[1110.800 --> 1113.280] I talked to so many women who discovered things +[1113.280 --> 1117.360] like powerlifting or crossfit or ax throwing. +[1117.360 --> 1119.720] We're suddenly doing these amazing things with their bodies +[1119.720 --> 1121.400] and they felt powerful. +[1121.400 --> 1125.720] And it was a side of themselves they'd never experienced before. +[1125.720 --> 1129.160] And if you were to only listen to the way that media usually +[1129.160 --> 1132.320] talks about exercise, it's all about burning calories. +[1132.320 --> 1134.320] It's all about what you look like. +[1134.320 --> 1136.960] And you can get pulled into places where, +[1136.960 --> 1140.440] instead of being told, this is what it feels like +[1140.440 --> 1142.320] to stand in your own strength. +[1142.320 --> 1145.160] You're told, now you're burning more calories. +[1145.160 --> 1148.200] So you won't look as hideous as you looked walking in today. +[1148.200 --> 1151.120] I mean, that is a very different experience. +[1151.120 --> 1153.480] And too often, people's movement experiences +[1153.480 --> 1156.880] have been defined by this obsession with burning calories +[1156.880 --> 1159.080] and improving your appearance and making +[1159.080 --> 1161.120] yourself more acceptable to either yourself +[1161.120 --> 1162.880] or the judgment of society. +[1162.880 --> 1164.880] And it gets very confusing very quickly. +[1164.880 --> 1167.280] And so I'm always encouraging people, +[1167.280 --> 1168.800] like, what's the form of movement +[1168.800 --> 1171.240] if someone were to send you a YouTube video? +[1171.240 --> 1175.360] What's the video you would watch and be like, wow, that's amazing. +[1175.360 --> 1177.960] And what's the version of that that would fit into your life? +[1177.960 --> 1180.560] Who's doing that in a way that's appropriate for the body +[1180.560 --> 1183.880] you have right now, or who you want to become? +[1183.880 --> 1186.800] That it's not about getting a tracker that's +[1186.800 --> 1189.240] going to tell you if you've done enough yet. +[1189.240 --> 1190.760] There's so much that gets in the way +[1190.760 --> 1192.840] of finding the movement that will make you happy, +[1192.840 --> 1194.880] that can make it feel like a chore, like a punishment. +[1194.880 --> 1198.320] We have such a limited perspective on what those options are. +[1198.320 --> 1201.880] We just think about the gym and the stairmaster machine +[1201.880 --> 1205.440] and the little LED readout that tells you calories and time. +[1205.440 --> 1207.600] And while you're watching the news, +[1207.600 --> 1210.040] and it's just, I mean, it's a whole... +[1210.040 --> 1212.840] It's okay to distract yourself while you're exercising +[1212.840 --> 1215.200] if that works for you, but there are a lot of forms of movement +[1215.200 --> 1217.400] where the more attention you pay to what you're doing, +[1217.400 --> 1219.240] actually the more pleasurable it is. +[1219.240 --> 1222.560] But often, I think the advice we get is just get on the treadmill +[1222.560 --> 1225.680] and watch Netflix so that you're not really there +[1225.680 --> 1226.920] and you can get through it. +[1226.920 --> 1228.480] But I bet there's some form of movement +[1228.480 --> 1230.160] where if you were really there, +[1230.160 --> 1233.600] you would have an amazing experience, a sense of yourself +[1233.600 --> 1234.920] or a connection with others. +[1235.920 --> 1240.920] Kelly's perspective is quite similar to advice I give all the time. +[1240.920 --> 1243.520] For anyone struggling to stay motivated +[1243.520 --> 1249.120] out of given exercise, the fix is always to follow your curiosity +[1249.120 --> 1251.520] and to follow your joy. +[1251.520 --> 1252.720] You don't want to go for a run? +[1252.720 --> 1255.920] Fine, go play pickleball with some friends. +[1255.920 --> 1258.520] The point is just to remain active +[1258.520 --> 1262.120] because a sedentary lifestyle can lead to everything +[1262.320 --> 1265.200] from poor posture, back in neck pain, +[1265.200 --> 1268.400] limited range of motion, muscle atrophy, +[1268.400 --> 1272.760] and even an increased risk of chronic lifestyle disease. +[1272.760 --> 1274.720] This is why movement, +[1274.720 --> 1278.520] especially specifically movements that focus on mobility, +[1278.520 --> 1282.360] stability and range of motion are so important +[1282.360 --> 1284.320] to our physical and mental health. +[1284.320 --> 1285.480] So in this next clip, +[1285.480 --> 1288.760] mobility wizards Kelly and Juliet Starrette +[1288.760 --> 1291.920] teach us the basics of mobility maintenance +[1291.920 --> 1296.240] and how to pursue the sports and exercises you love +[1296.240 --> 1298.440] injury free throughout your life. +[1299.760 --> 1304.040] Mobility is really the ability to be able to move freely +[1304.040 --> 1306.320] through your environment and do the things +[1306.320 --> 1308.160] you want to be able to do with your body, +[1308.160 --> 1310.040] whatever those things may be. +[1310.040 --> 1314.080] Now we offer a lot of tools, which we call mobilizations, +[1314.080 --> 1316.440] which are things you can do to help improve your mobility +[1316.440 --> 1317.800] and range of motion. +[1317.800 --> 1320.000] But to us at the highest level, +[1320.000 --> 1322.360] it's the ability to move freely, +[1322.360 --> 1324.920] ideally without pain or at least minimizing pain +[1324.920 --> 1327.080] and feel to do the things you love to do. +[1327.080 --> 1330.520] We could also define mobility as do you have +[1330.520 --> 1332.080] your native range of motion +[1332.080 --> 1335.160] and can you control that native range of motion? +[1335.160 --> 1336.960] So are you a skilled person? +[1336.960 --> 1340.160] And what Juliet said is all of that is important. +[1340.160 --> 1342.320] But really what is it you want to do in your world +[1342.320 --> 1344.800] and environment and how do you want to express this body? +[1344.800 --> 1345.880] That's the most important thing. +[1345.880 --> 1348.440] And I think that's where we got in the weeds. +[1348.440 --> 1349.880] You know, yeah, range of motion is important. +[1350.320 --> 1353.040] But if it prevents you from doing something +[1353.040 --> 1355.600] or you're having pain and that's also +[1355.600 --> 1358.160] joined with the fact that you don't have access to that range, +[1358.160 --> 1360.000] maybe that's the reason you should care. +[1360.000 --> 1361.640] Well, unlike let me just give you one example. +[1361.640 --> 1363.760] Like if you just asked anyone on the street, +[1363.760 --> 1366.040] like do you care about your hip range of motion, +[1366.040 --> 1368.560] they're going to be like, no, why would I care about that? +[1368.560 --> 1372.080] But as an example, we were recently talking to a friend of ours +[1372.080 --> 1373.280] who has a four-month-old baby +[1373.280 --> 1375.080] and has both sets of parents visiting +[1375.080 --> 1377.760] and his parents are like in their mid 60s. +[1377.840 --> 1380.920] So, you know, not that much older than us. +[1380.920 --> 1385.920] And his mother is able to get up and down off the ground +[1386.200 --> 1387.160] and sit with the baby, +[1387.160 --> 1390.640] but his mother-in-law can't get down onto the ground +[1390.640 --> 1394.000] or up off of the ground and so can't sit on the floor +[1394.000 --> 1396.160] and play with the grandchild. +[1396.160 --> 1399.000] And that's one of those things that you don't think about +[1399.000 --> 1401.560] until it's like a user to lose it kind of thing. +[1401.560 --> 1403.920] But like that right there is hip range of motion. +[1403.920 --> 1407.360] So you may not care athletically about hip range of motion +[1407.360 --> 1409.000] because you're not trying to run faster, +[1409.000 --> 1411.600] lift more weights or whatever an athlete might need +[1411.600 --> 1413.000] to care about hip range of motion for. +[1413.000 --> 1414.760] But, you know, most people would say, +[1414.760 --> 1416.840] man, do you want to be able to sit on the floor +[1416.840 --> 1418.400] and play with your grandchild when you have one +[1418.400 --> 1419.880] and they'd be like, yes, I do. +[1419.880 --> 1422.560] And so, you know, that's one of the reasons +[1422.560 --> 1426.000] why people should care about their hip range of motion. +[1426.000 --> 1427.560] A lot of people are confused +[1427.560 --> 1430.960] about what a good foundational practice looks like. +[1430.960 --> 1433.120] And we should be able to take those lessons +[1433.120 --> 1435.880] and actually say, hey, look, we understand that you're not +[1435.880 --> 1437.600] an elite athlete, but you're just a, you know, +[1437.600 --> 1439.680] just a middle-aged dad who wants to stay up +[1439.680 --> 1441.200] with his local mountain bike club. +[1441.200 --> 1442.040] That's me. +[1442.040 --> 1444.000] And what are the ways where I can do that +[1444.000 --> 1446.200] in the context of my busy life? +[1446.200 --> 1448.400] So I don't have to, you know, throw everything away. +[1448.400 --> 1451.880] And I think that's really is an opportunity for us +[1451.880 --> 1454.600] to make sense of all of the, you know, +[1454.600 --> 1457.760] bright people working in this high performance world. +[1457.760 --> 1461.920] I'm sure you've heard of Chris Hinchaz Oldman balanced test +[1461.920 --> 1463.400] where you put your shoes on on one. +[1463.400 --> 1464.240] Oh, this is great. +[1464.240 --> 1465.240] Everyone, you're welcome. +[1465.280 --> 1466.760] Everyone listening should do this test. +[1466.760 --> 1467.800] You stand cold again. +[1467.800 --> 1470.080] It's called the, Chris Hinchaz. +[1470.080 --> 1472.280] And it's called the Oldman balanced test. +[1472.280 --> 1475.200] And he actually created it so that he would have something +[1475.200 --> 1477.880] to compete against his kids and win. +[1477.880 --> 1481.240] And so the idea is you put your socks and shoes on the floor +[1481.240 --> 1483.160] and you stand on one leg and you reach down +[1483.160 --> 1485.600] and grab your sock and you put on your sock +[1485.600 --> 1486.640] without putting that foot down +[1486.640 --> 1488.200] and then you reach down and grab your shoe +[1488.200 --> 1489.480] and put your shoe on and tie it +[1489.480 --> 1491.400] and then you switch and do on the other side. +[1491.600 --> 1495.520] And it's a really great two minute balance practice +[1495.520 --> 1498.040] and that's how I put my shoes on every single day. +[1498.040 --> 1498.880] And that's something. +[1498.880 --> 1502.080] And that's just this little, you know, +[1502.080 --> 1504.720] small behavior that we add into our day +[1504.720 --> 1506.600] that's easy and fun and you can, you know, +[1506.600 --> 1507.840] challenge your kids to do it. +[1507.840 --> 1509.800] And so, you know, that's just one of those things +[1509.800 --> 1511.160] that we've snuck in and said, +[1511.160 --> 1514.240] hey, there are ways that you can change your environment +[1514.240 --> 1516.800] and just slightly think about your environment differently +[1516.800 --> 1518.760] so that these are just things you do +[1518.760 --> 1522.120] without having to rely on willpower or motivation. +[1522.120 --> 1525.640] So if you in the evening could sit down next to a ball, +[1525.640 --> 1530.640] tennis ball, a soft ball roller and ask yourself +[1530.640 --> 1532.480] from the day, what's sore? +[1532.480 --> 1533.320] What hurts? +[1533.320 --> 1534.160] What's achy? +[1534.160 --> 1535.880] And I'm going to commit 10 minutes. +[1535.880 --> 1538.000] The first part of this show I'm watching +[1538.000 --> 1540.840] is gonna roll around on whatever, +[1540.840 --> 1542.160] ails me. +[1542.160 --> 1545.160] That's a really important conversation you could begin to have. +[1545.160 --> 1547.600] I'm talking about 10 minutes, like that's super reasonable. +[1547.600 --> 1550.280] And the reason we started shifting that to the day, +[1550.280 --> 1552.800] from the day and the gym to the evening was that +[1552.800 --> 1554.040] we saw that people didn't actually do it +[1554.040 --> 1555.680] or wanna do it as a team. +[1555.680 --> 1558.000] But in the evening, they had time and agency +[1558.000 --> 1560.200] and nothing was happening at the end of the day. +[1560.200 --> 1561.800] You're on Facebook, you're, you know, +[1561.800 --> 1563.120] surfing Instagram. +[1563.120 --> 1564.400] So there was this great moment +[1564.400 --> 1566.040] where you could do some self-care. +[1566.040 --> 1568.800] And 10 minutes a night, usually turns into 12 to 14 minutes +[1568.800 --> 1570.200] because you discover something. +[1570.200 --> 1572.920] You can sit on your coffee table, put that ball +[1572.920 --> 1575.560] right in your hamstrings, just roll around. +[1575.560 --> 1577.240] Then the next sort of level there +[1577.360 --> 1579.720] is we could say, hey, can you take a full breath +[1579.720 --> 1581.000] in that position? +[1581.000 --> 1582.440] So if you're working on something +[1582.440 --> 1584.560] or you've got some aspect of your body that hurts +[1584.560 --> 1587.360] and you push on it and that takes your breath away +[1587.360 --> 1588.640] or you catch your breath, +[1588.640 --> 1590.840] then we found an area of interest. +[1590.840 --> 1592.240] And it doesn't mean we need to shy away from that. +[1592.240 --> 1595.760] It's okay that that's uncomfortable to compression. +[1595.760 --> 1597.080] So when the first things we can do is say, +[1597.080 --> 1598.680] am I doing harm to myself? +[1598.680 --> 1599.520] No, not at all. +[1600.320 --> 1602.400] If you can take a full breath in and out, +[1602.400 --> 1604.400] you're signaling to your brain, this is safe. +[1604.400 --> 1605.800] Nerves are king of the breath. +[1605.800 --> 1606.800] The breath is king of the brain. +[1606.800 --> 1608.200] That's Iangar 101. +[1608.200 --> 1611.040] And why breathing is such an important part of yoga +[1611.040 --> 1612.800] is teaching your body to accept +[1612.800 --> 1614.880] and be able to control those positions +[1614.880 --> 1615.720] by breathing there. +[1615.720 --> 1617.600] Your brain says, it's not a threat. +[1617.600 --> 1620.400] So if you find a painful spot or a sore spot +[1620.400 --> 1622.320] or an uncomfortable spot, you found a spot. +[1622.320 --> 1624.560] And all you need to do is take a four second inhale there, +[1626.520 --> 1628.680] contract into the ball roller +[1628.680 --> 1630.280] and hold that for four seconds. +[1630.280 --> 1632.840] We call that an isometric in the parlance, right? +[1632.840 --> 1634.800] You're just building a tension +[1634.800 --> 1636.880] or a movement without motion in the limb +[1636.880 --> 1640.760] and then exhale a long time for eight seconds, long exhale. +[1640.760 --> 1642.680] And what you'll find is if you just repeat that cycle +[1642.680 --> 1645.320] a few times, whatever hurts in that area +[1645.320 --> 1648.000] that you're working sometimes starts to hurt less. +[1648.000 --> 1650.360] You're desensitizing, you're changing your some, +[1650.360 --> 1652.280] resetting some threat signals. +[1652.280 --> 1654.160] And if you start doing that on your back, +[1654.160 --> 1657.240] your hips, your calves, your feet, +[1657.240 --> 1659.640] what you can realize is, wow, I can make myself feel better. +[1659.640 --> 1661.280] And because you did before you bed, +[1661.280 --> 1662.440] it's like getting a massage, +[1662.440 --> 1663.880] you tend to sleep a little bit better. +[1663.880 --> 1664.880] You're down regulating. +[1664.880 --> 1667.680] Yeah, and we snuck in breath practice. +[1667.680 --> 1669.600] And you had to get up and down off the ground. +[1669.600 --> 1670.880] Oh, Jay star. +[1670.880 --> 1672.000] You ruined it. +[1672.000 --> 1672.840] Exactly, right. +[1672.840 --> 1673.680] That's exactly right. +[1673.680 --> 1677.440] One of the things we know is that pain doesn't mean injury, +[1677.440 --> 1679.680] doesn't even mean tissue trauma or damage. +[1679.680 --> 1680.680] It's a request for change. +[1680.680 --> 1682.800] So part of what we're trying to say in this book is, +[1682.800 --> 1685.480] hey, we can try to treat pain and use it +[1685.480 --> 1686.520] just as another metric. +[1686.520 --> 1688.160] Like if you were stiff this morning +[1688.160 --> 1689.960] because you were big work out yesterday, +[1689.960 --> 1692.440] you're not thinking you know, you've got, you know, +[1692.440 --> 1696.360] you didn't contract rabies, you just saw, right? +[1696.360 --> 1697.440] From your run. +[1697.440 --> 1699.440] And so if we can shift that narrative a little bit +[1699.440 --> 1702.040] and then also empower people that, hey, there's a whole lot +[1702.040 --> 1703.880] they can do and some of that is sleep +[1703.880 --> 1705.240] and some of that is nutrition +[1705.240 --> 1707.840] and some of that is down regulation. +[1707.840 --> 1709.960] But all of it is, there's some inputs you can do +[1709.960 --> 1712.600] that are really safe and really easy. +[1712.600 --> 1714.680] And then we can have the next conversation. +[1714.680 --> 1717.400] Your range of motion doesn't have to change +[1717.400 --> 1718.680] because you age. +[1718.680 --> 1720.160] That's the one physical act. +[1720.160 --> 1722.640] You're going to be less powerful. +[1722.640 --> 1724.720] You may be able to maintain your aerobic power +[1724.720 --> 1725.960] for a long time. +[1725.960 --> 1727.800] We know that that to be true. +[1727.800 --> 1731.080] But your ability to express your range of motion +[1731.080 --> 1733.600] and your joints doesn't have to degrade necessarily. +[1733.600 --> 1738.280] You may have bompony blocks and a patina of athleticism. +[1738.280 --> 1739.880] Yeah, I work through the fascia and all that. +[1739.880 --> 1740.720] Right. +[1740.720 --> 1742.560] But as we take this systems approach, +[1742.560 --> 1744.680] you being able to get up and down off the ground +[1744.680 --> 1748.760] or flex your knee all the way doesn't have to go away. +[1748.760 --> 1751.480] And I think that's important to remember +[1751.480 --> 1752.720] to consider for people. +[1754.960 --> 1756.840] We're brought to you today by Roca. +[1756.840 --> 1759.200] Classes are not something you normally +[1759.200 --> 1761.240] think about as a piece of performance gear, +[1761.240 --> 1763.520] which when you think about it is kind of insane +[1763.520 --> 1767.000] because you can't perform it your best if you can't see. +[1767.000 --> 1770.120] Well, the geniuses at Roca basically rebuild +[1770.120 --> 1771.680] I wear from the ground up. +[1771.680 --> 1775.000] No matter how active you are or how much you sweat, +[1775.000 --> 1778.000] these things never slip or fall off your face. +[1778.080 --> 1779.360] They're super durable. +[1779.360 --> 1780.680] They look awesome. +[1780.680 --> 1783.160] And they've got tons of super classy modern styles +[1783.160 --> 1784.000] to choose from. +[1784.000 --> 1788.160] I've been rocking Roca's for about four years at this point. +[1788.160 --> 1789.200] I love them. +[1789.200 --> 1792.600] I'm a big fan of the Hamilton style in gloss black. +[1792.600 --> 1795.800] That's this frame right here as well as clear +[1795.800 --> 1798.840] or I guess they call them vintage on the website. +[1798.840 --> 1800.880] And if you want to try them out for yourself, +[1800.880 --> 1803.720] you can do that right now and unlock 20% off your order +[1803.720 --> 1807.240] with the code richrollatroca.com. +[1807.240 --> 1810.040] Or you can click the link in the description below. +[1810.040 --> 1811.640] Okay, back to the show. +[1813.360 --> 1816.680] As we age, we don't have to sacrifice our mobility +[1816.680 --> 1818.480] or range of motion. +[1818.480 --> 1820.800] There are practices we can adopt now +[1820.800 --> 1824.480] that can secure our ability to stay fit and active +[1824.480 --> 1829.240] well into our 70s, 80s, 90s and beyond. +[1829.240 --> 1833.000] And few people embody this ethos more powerfully +[1833.000 --> 1836.120] than Chef Bet, who believes that +[1836.120 --> 1839.160] caring for our bodies is an act of self love. +[1839.160 --> 1841.120] Bet is a vegan superstar +[1841.120 --> 1846.120] and the very model of fit and radiant at 72 years young. +[1847.160 --> 1850.000] Listen carefully as she shares the importance +[1850.000 --> 1852.360] of taking care of ourselves as we age, +[1852.360 --> 1856.600] how to form an easy and impactful routine +[1856.600 --> 1859.560] and the power of starting a new lifestyle +[1859.560 --> 1861.960] with one simple movement at a time. +[1862.960 --> 1866.160] Part of the whole self loving thing +[1866.160 --> 1870.360] is to be a part of all of this, to be able to move. +[1870.360 --> 1875.360] You know, if I want to run a hill, I can run a hill. +[1876.760 --> 1878.960] I don't want to have a life alert. +[1878.960 --> 1882.960] I don't want to get in the bathtub and can't get out. +[1882.960 --> 1885.360] So I force myself to take bath sometimes. +[1885.360 --> 1886.960] I'm not always taking showers. +[1886.960 --> 1888.960] Make sure you can get your butt out the tub. +[1888.960 --> 1890.960] Yeah. +[1891.360 --> 1893.880] But that's the whole thing when you get older. +[1893.880 --> 1896.360] It's all about like if you fall down and you can't get up. +[1896.360 --> 1899.520] And you can't get that's what people need to really understand. +[1899.520 --> 1903.160] Now, of course, sometimes we have accidents that, you know, +[1903.160 --> 1905.640] it's not any fault of our own. +[1905.640 --> 1909.400] But when we just sit down and just let it go, +[1909.400 --> 1911.760] that's generally what will happen to you. +[1911.760 --> 1913.080] You lose strength. +[1913.080 --> 1918.080] And another thing that I think is I'm not a superficial person. +[1919.080 --> 1923.080] I enjoy the aging process. +[1923.080 --> 1927.080] I don't look like I look to when I was 60, you know what I mean? +[1927.080 --> 1933.080] But however it is, however this look is going to be as I age, +[1933.080 --> 1938.080] I embrace it because you think I have lived an entire lifetime +[1938.080 --> 1940.080] looking different. +[1940.080 --> 1942.080] So, you know what I mean? +[1942.080 --> 1945.080] It's not a bad thing to have the the crow's feet. +[1946.080 --> 1949.080] I don't care to use anything to get rid of that. +[1949.080 --> 1950.080] I'm okay with it. +[1950.080 --> 1952.080] I want to see what it's going to be. +[1952.080 --> 1955.080] I saw one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen before. +[1955.080 --> 1958.080] She had lines like in this table. +[1958.080 --> 1961.080] She was beautiful. +[1961.080 --> 1963.080] She was beautiful. +[1963.080 --> 1964.080] And if just to experience. +[1964.080 --> 1966.080] She owned it and she was comfortable with who she is. +[1966.080 --> 1967.080] And yeah. +[1967.080 --> 1968.080] Oh, she was just gorgeous. +[1968.080 --> 1972.080] And that is how we should all be because it's each step +[1972.080 --> 1977.080] of the journey that we embrace and appreciate. +[1977.080 --> 1979.080] And don't, you know, I can't I can't wear it. +[1979.080 --> 1981.080] I can't wear a bushy eyelashes. +[1981.080 --> 1983.080] It's going to be a little bit too over that. +[1983.080 --> 1985.080] That don't work on this face. +[1985.080 --> 1988.080] But you did when you turned 70, you posted these. +[1988.080 --> 1990.080] You did like a bathing suit shoot, right? +[1990.080 --> 1992.080] Oh, remember the bathing suits too. +[1992.080 --> 1994.080] And now I went bananas and like when everybody was sharing that. +[1994.080 --> 1995.080] And it went crazy. +[1995.080 --> 1996.080] That one went crazy. +[1996.080 --> 1998.080] That was another like inflection point. +[1998.080 --> 1999.080] Yeah. +[1999.080 --> 2001.080] And you're you're kind of story arc, right? +[2001.080 --> 2002.080] Yeah. +[2002.080 --> 2003.080] People really, really love that. +[2003.080 --> 2006.080] I got a little bold the next year and did bikinis and stuff. +[2006.080 --> 2012.080] But this year I am going to do a beautiful photo of myself. +[2012.080 --> 2017.080] But you'll see it'll be but no more bathing suits. +[2017.080 --> 2018.080] So I'm good for that. +[2018.080 --> 2019.080] I still have my little calendars. +[2019.080 --> 2021.080] I wouldn't able to give them all the way. +[2021.080 --> 2023.080] And now it's the end of the year. +[2023.080 --> 2024.080] You made like a bathing suit calendar. +[2024.080 --> 2026.080] And yes, I should have brought you one. +[2026.080 --> 2028.080] And get up over here. +[2028.080 --> 2029.080] Oh, man. +[2029.080 --> 2030.080] We got to get you one. +[2030.080 --> 2034.080] But the fitness routine, that's basically like strength training. +[2034.080 --> 2035.080] I said everything. +[2035.080 --> 2036.080] You're in the gym. +[2036.080 --> 2039.080] And some hiking or stairs. +[2039.080 --> 2041.080] You like to do the stairs and stuff like that. +[2041.080 --> 2042.080] But it's pretty basic stuff. +[2042.080 --> 2043.080] Now I had a torn groin. +[2043.080 --> 2050.080] So I hadn't been really doing too much of the hike because I'm a part of a doctor's +[2050.080 --> 2052.080] series in Houston, Texas. +[2052.080 --> 2055.080] And yeah. +[2055.080 --> 2060.080] So we were, we, I was feeling good from the grad. +[2060.080 --> 2062.080] I didn't feel like I still had the tear. +[2062.080 --> 2065.080] And we went to the track and we got to the track. +[2065.080 --> 2069.080] Sister was sprinting and I was like, yeah, I feel really good. +[2069.080 --> 2074.080] So I got out there and all the athletes were like, no, no chef. +[2074.080 --> 2075.080] You haven't stretched. +[2075.080 --> 2076.080] Do you have it? +[2076.080 --> 2077.080] I got out there. +[2077.080 --> 2082.080] By the time I got to the end, I had to limp back. +[2082.080 --> 2083.080] Oh, yeah. +[2083.080 --> 2084.080] Yeah. +[2084.080 --> 2086.080] You know how that, you know how a grown tear will do. +[2086.080 --> 2089.080] It takes a long time, a long time. +[2089.080 --> 2090.080] Yeah. +[2090.080 --> 2092.080] So we've been very careful. +[2092.080 --> 2096.080] My trainer and I going forward not to stretch that too much. +[2096.080 --> 2098.080] And I, stairs, I love stairs. +[2098.080 --> 2100.080] And you know, I love running heels. +[2100.080 --> 2105.080] I just posted a video when we were in St. Martin of me hitting a hill. +[2105.080 --> 2107.080] I just love movement. +[2107.080 --> 2111.080] I love knowing that I can move. +[2111.080 --> 2112.080] I love that. +[2112.080 --> 2116.080] I, I, I've often thought it's something ever happened. +[2116.080 --> 2122.080] And I was the only person that could get to help. +[2122.080 --> 2126.080] Even at my age, I know I'm in shape enough to do that. +[2126.080 --> 2127.080] Right. +[2127.080 --> 2128.080] That's important. +[2128.080 --> 2131.080] And maintaining that is key, especially as you get older and have parted up. +[2131.080 --> 2132.080] Yeah. +[2132.080 --> 2134.080] Like the gym stuff becomes really important. +[2134.080 --> 2138.080] I, I started with one push up. +[2138.080 --> 2143.080] And every day, I would add a push up. +[2143.080 --> 2149.080] And if I couldn't add a push up, I do the numbers that I'd done the day before. +[2149.080 --> 2156.080] But I tell people that I tell women that start with one, inch by inch, life's a sense. +[2156.080 --> 2159.080] Yeah, whether it's push ups or anything, anything. +[2159.080 --> 2161.080] That's, that's the way you do anything. +[2161.080 --> 2162.080] Yeah. +[2162.080 --> 2163.080] It's by starting with one. +[2163.080 --> 2164.080] Starting with one. +[2164.080 --> 2170.080] Like I have to do at least 72 push ups on my birthday. +[2170.080 --> 2172.080] So I'm going to do it in the restaurant. +[2172.080 --> 2178.080] Anybody who wants to come to the restaurant and hang out and either get down there and do some push ups with me. +[2178.080 --> 2180.080] Maybe I'll give you a taco. +[2180.080 --> 2181.080] Uh huh. +[2181.080 --> 2182.080] Especially free tacos. +[2182.080 --> 2183.080] Free taco especially. +[2183.080 --> 2187.080] I'll give you two tacos if you do all 72 with me. +[2187.080 --> 2190.080] This is why you can't hire somebody to help you in the restaurant. +[2190.080 --> 2192.080] You're giving away too much stuff. +[2192.080 --> 2193.080] That's my husband. +[2193.080 --> 2195.080] You said like my husband. +[2195.080 --> 2196.080] Yeah. +[2196.080 --> 2203.080] But, but I figured like this, if somebody suggested to me because I was doing sets of 25 and some vote and said, +[2203.080 --> 2206.080] you know, I, I can do that many, but I do sets of 10. +[2206.080 --> 2217.080] And then I thought, that's a lot easier because the, the, the time between sets is only like a minute or two versus three to four minutes when I'm doing sets of 25. +[2217.080 --> 2219.080] So I'm going to do sets of 10. +[2219.080 --> 2221.080] I might even get push out 100 honey. +[2221.080 --> 2222.080] Yeah. +[2222.080 --> 2225.080] Well, if you break it down into sets of 10, then it's easier to build and improve. +[2225.080 --> 2226.080] Exactly. +[2226.080 --> 2227.080] Yeah. +[2227.080 --> 2228.080] So there you go. +[2228.080 --> 2234.080] To be clear, the goal shouldn't be to live as long as possible. +[2234.080 --> 2241.080] It should be to live as vibrantly and with maximum mobility for as long as possible. +[2241.080 --> 2246.080] This is longevity over Lord, Dr. Peter Ritea's scientific obsession. +[2247.080 --> 2259.080] And in this next clip, Peter continues on this theme of maintaining mobility as we age by sharing movement practices one can adopt now to live stronger and more agile for longer. +[2259.080 --> 2275.080] He also explains the function and importance of dynamic neuromuscular stabilization, muscle recruitment, how to identify and unlearn poor movement patterns, and how to be a lifelong athlete. +[2276.080 --> 2297.080] You'd be amazed at how many people, even in their 40s and 50s, don't possess, even though they're strong enough to meet the metrics of their 90 year old self, they already show signs of weakness in terms of instability in their hips, instability in their knees, horrible patterns of walking, you know, pelvic tilts that are too far forward. +[2297.080 --> 2303.080] All of these things that they can sort of muscle their way through when they're younger, but it becomes problematic later. +[2303.080 --> 2305.080] Athletes are the best cheaters. +[2305.080 --> 2313.080] Right. The more you're a grinder, the better you are at cheating your way around bad movement patterns. +[2313.080 --> 2314.080] Right. +[2314.080 --> 2318.080] And so the downstream implications of that become cataclysmic. +[2318.080 --> 2320.080] Yeah. You have to start to unlearn that stuff. +[2320.080 --> 2325.080] So that's what began for me in 2018. +[2325.080 --> 2329.080] You know how it presented actually was I was getting tennis elbow. +[2329.080 --> 2335.080] And I'm like, it's really odd because I don't play tennis, so that doesn't seem like a likely injury. +[2335.080 --> 2341.080] And that's when I first met a guy who kind of got me on this path using something called dynamic neuromuscular stabilization. +[2341.080 --> 2343.080] And he watched me do pull ups. +[2343.080 --> 2347.080] Let me see you do a pull up and I was like, dude, I own this baby. Watch. +[2347.080 --> 2349.080] You know, did a million pull ups for him. +[2349.080 --> 2351.080] And he's like, yeah, it's horrible. +[2351.080 --> 2353.080] Like your technique is so bad. +[2353.080 --> 2356.080] You have no scapular control whatsoever. +[2356.080 --> 2363.080] You are transmitting so much force into your elbows doing that because you can't keep your scapula in place. +[2363.080 --> 2369.080] There is a fundamental difference between having a strong muscle and knowing how to recruit it. +[2370.080 --> 2373.080] And for me, the aha moment came with my hamstrings. +[2373.080 --> 2377.080] I have always prided myself in having just the strongest legs. +[2377.080 --> 2379.080] I mean, cyclists have strong legs. +[2379.080 --> 2381.080] I deadlift. +[2381.080 --> 2382.080] Tons of weight. +[2382.080 --> 2385.080] I do insane amounts of stupid leg curls. +[2385.080 --> 2387.080] Every, you name it, I'll do it. +[2387.080 --> 2391.080] But when I was placed on the floor in a very simple position, laying on your back, +[2391.080 --> 2397.080] knees bent, feet flat on the floor, could I without screwing around in my pelvis, +[2397.080 --> 2401.080] just pull back with my feet, a pure hamstring recruitment. +[2401.080 --> 2403.080] No, it could not. +[2403.080 --> 2404.080] Yeah, I can't do that either. +[2404.080 --> 2405.080] Yeah, couldn't do it. +[2405.080 --> 2409.080] And so what that says is, it doesn't actually matter how strong your hamstrings are. +[2409.080 --> 2411.080] You can't recruit them. +[2411.080 --> 2414.080] And if you can't recruit them, your pelvis is tilted forward. +[2414.080 --> 2421.080] You have to be able to keep those hamstrings recruited to keep that pelvis in the right position. +[2421.080 --> 2425.080] I mean, it took me a year of daily. +[2425.080 --> 2429.080] I mean, just grinding away at these movements and this practice. +[2429.080 --> 2433.080] And now it's hard for me to remember what it was like to not be able to recruit my hamstring. +[2433.080 --> 2435.080] So you can unlearn these patterns. +[2435.080 --> 2443.080] But the irony of it is, the more of an athletic background you have, the longer it will actually take you to unlearn +[2443.080 --> 2446.080] because you have more bad stuff that unerrall pathways. +[2446.080 --> 2448.080] They're so wired. +[2448.080 --> 2454.080] The good news is you have the reps on how to do stuff. +[2454.080 --> 2456.080] So I think it's a wash. +[2456.080 --> 2463.080] Taking an untrained person and teaching them versus taking a highly trained person and teaching them takes about the same amount of time, but for different reasons. +[2463.080 --> 2476.080] One of the things that you've talked about quite a bit is noticing how natural it is for your children to do all of these movements that then become so difficult for us as adults +[2476.080 --> 2485.080] because we've unlearned them in our sedentary lifestyles kind of detach us from our natural blueprint and ability to do those things. +[2485.080 --> 2494.080] So how can we, as most people listening or watching this probably have to sit in a chair for their work and we're sitting in chairs right now. +[2494.080 --> 2504.080] What are some of the practices that could be adopted to help keep us connected to that natural ability that is kind of innate in our unconscious? +[2504.080 --> 2507.080] I mean, for me, I've taken a very deliberate approach to that. +[2507.080 --> 2514.080] So four or five years ago when I got introduced to this pattern of movement called dynamic neuromuscular stabilization. +[2514.080 --> 2516.080] Yeah, I talk about that. Super interesting. +[2516.080 --> 2524.080] Having now been connected to a number of these practitioners, I have found this to be one of the most important systems that I've incorporated. +[2524.080 --> 2528.080] So initially my exposure to it was basically to fix problems. +[2528.080 --> 2531.080] I was fixed, I had two nagging issues four or five years ago. +[2531.080 --> 2540.080] One was this elbow issue, which again, I couldn't understand what it was causing it until I realized it was inability to localize my control my scapula. +[2540.080 --> 2543.080] And the other was just my right SI joint nagged. +[2543.080 --> 2546.080] You know, I just had this little nagging pain in my right SI joint. +[2546.080 --> 2551.080] Not certainly didn't ever raise to the level of lower back pain, no sciatic and nothing like that. +[2551.080 --> 2557.080] But whenever I deadlifted really, really heavy, 50% of those days I would have been able to do that. +[2557.080 --> 2560.080] And so I would be punished with some right SI joint pain. +[2560.080 --> 2566.080] And again, these two things seemed completely unrelated until I got under the hood of what was going on with my movement patterns. +[2566.080 --> 2571.080] And I realized, you know, like every whatever I was 45 year old, I didn't know how to move. +[2571.080 --> 2578.080] So what started out as kind of rehab has then just morphed into life movements. +[2578.080 --> 2583.080] So I do an hour a week in person with a DNS teacher. +[2583.080 --> 2586.080] So got him Kyler Brown comes to my house. +[2586.080 --> 2593.080] Once a week we just hammer DNS movements together and then I'll spend 10 minutes every day doing them on my own. +[2593.080 --> 2597.080] And that has been kind of life changing. +[2597.080 --> 2602.080] Now of course with my shoulder injury, Kyler is overseeing the rehab there. +[2602.080 --> 2611.080] And so we're now incorporating really good shoulder rehab coupled with the DNS principles of getting my scapula to relearn how to move. +[2611.080 --> 2620.080] Because when you have this type of an injury and you have surgery, the brain really wants to shut off how this thing works. +[2620.080 --> 2623.080] So now we're just going to basically reprogram it. +[2623.080 --> 2630.080] So what is an example of a DNS movement or the first one and the core trying to understand what visualize it? +[2630.080 --> 2634.080] The very first one is something called learning how to access intra-abdominal pressure. +[2634.080 --> 2644.080] So I think most people who think about breathing have a pretty good sense that you aren't just breathing into your thoracic cavity. +[2644.080 --> 2648.080] A good breath has to have the diaphragm going down. You have to get into the abdomen. +[2648.080 --> 2652.080] What DNS does is it really explains to you how a child is breathing. +[2652.080 --> 2661.080] Which is, if you imagine the waistband of your pants or your shorts, when a child is breathing, that thing is fully expanding. +[2661.080 --> 2667.080] So they have purely concentric force in their abdomen with every breath. +[2667.080 --> 2671.080] And if you look at a really good power lift or something, you'll see the same thing. +[2671.080 --> 2679.080] I mean, the amount of intra-abdominal pressure that they have to generate to be able to move such heavy loads is essential. +[2679.080 --> 2686.080] And so that was literally the very first thing we worked on is just, can you access pelvic floor pressure? +[2686.080 --> 2691.080] Can you create enough pressure into your pelvic floor? Can you maintain it while you breathe? +[2691.080 --> 2694.080] So that, first of all, it's just hard to do that out of the gate. +[2694.080 --> 2697.080] And the second thing is you can do it, but you're not relaxed. So you never be able to do that. +[2697.080 --> 2700.080] Hold it while you can breathe around it. +[2700.080 --> 2706.080] The next thing for me that were very important, I have a very congenitally narrow seaspine. +[2706.080 --> 2713.080] And if you look at an MRI of my neck, you just, you wouldn't believe what a disaster it looks like, +[2713.080 --> 2716.080] even though I've never really had an issue. +[2716.080 --> 2719.080] But I'm being very preventative about it. +[2719.080 --> 2724.080] And so one of the other things I'm working on is learning how to use the deep neck stabilizers. +[2724.080 --> 2727.080] So these are muscles that ride on the back. +[2727.080 --> 2731.080] They're inside. You don't see them. So they're not these scalene muscles that are in front. +[2731.080 --> 2735.080] They're the muscles that sit on the vertebral body, sort of deep in my neck. +[2735.080 --> 2739.080] And it's learning how to use those muscles to keep my head forward. +[2739.080 --> 2742.080] So I'm not relying on these muscles here. +[2742.080 --> 2745.080] And so that's a lot of muscle, that's a lot of movements where I'm on my back. +[2745.080 --> 2753.080] Chin is forward using the Q of the eyes looking forward, which kind of lights up that circuit. +[2753.080 --> 2758.080] And using various pelvic positions, arm positions and leg positions in there. +[2758.080 --> 2768.080] So it's very subtle and gentle, but it's more about like how do I connect my intention and my mind to these muscle groups to get them to just activate? +[2768.080 --> 2771.080] The starting positions are. Now it starts to get very elaborate. +[2771.080 --> 2777.080] Basically, if you, you know, someone Googles sort of a DNS progression, you'll see how complicated it will get. +[2777.080 --> 2780.080] Because you're basically walking through the first two years of development. +[2780.080 --> 2785.080] So the stuff I just described is, is like, you know, is the fetus. +[2785.080 --> 2793.080] Basically. And you start moving into a three month position, a four month, five month, six month position, where now a child is learning how to roll. +[2793.080 --> 2802.080] Well, they roll in a very connected way. So when they're reaching for something with this arm, they're completely connected across their obliques sling. +[2802.080 --> 2806.080] And they're going to initiate that movement and down to their foot. +[2806.080 --> 2813.080] This is the other stuff that was just like when I look at videos of me four years ago and videos of me now, I just don't know what the hell I was doing before. +[2813.080 --> 2822.080] Like how I was getting away with the nonsense of being completely disconnected, you know, scapulas all over the place and all that sort of stuff. +[2822.080 --> 2827.080] And here's the other thing. The best athletes in the world kind of naturally do this. +[2827.080 --> 2835.080] That's another thing I've learned is that there are some really exceptional athletes out there who have never once spent a minute learning DNS. +[2835.080 --> 2842.080] But when you look at them, they have somehow managed to preserve those neuromuscular pathways. +[2842.080 --> 2845.080] And that is essentially a big part of what their athletic gift is. +[2845.080 --> 2849.080] And I would imagine it's pretty good for injury prevention, right? +[2849.080 --> 2862.080] If you have the ability to recruit all of these muscle groups, you're inherently more stable and resistant to a lot of the injuries that are occurring from those imbalances. +[2862.080 --> 2871.080] Yeah, and that's why for me it's just, it's a once a week, you know, do the lesson once a week, push how much further can I get in those things? +[2871.080 --> 2874.080] And then it's part of what we call our daily's. +[2874.080 --> 2877.080] For our patients, we program things called daily's. +[2877.080 --> 2881.080] Whether today's a zone two day, a strength day, a rest day, you still have your daily's. +[2881.080 --> 2883.080] You got your 10 minutes of daily. +[2883.080 --> 2888.080] So I assume there's practitioners, trained practitioners who can teach this. +[2888.080 --> 2894.080] But are there YouTube videos like if somebody's listening to this, I mean, how should they go about researching this or finding a date? +[2894.080 --> 2900.080] So I did a podcast with one of the probably six or seven most prominent teachers in the United States. +[2900.080 --> 2909.080] We got a Michael Rintala and we have the video of my interview with him and then also a few introductory movements, probably another hour worth of videos we made. +[2909.080 --> 2912.080] And I suspect there's got to be a ton on YouTube. +[2912.080 --> 2918.080] Peter mentioned how athletes get away with not utilizing proper technique when they're younger. +[2918.080 --> 2925.080] But as they age, the improper technique begins to cause pain and injury downstream. +[2925.080 --> 2933.080] And I feel this is especially true for runners getting started with running seems as easy as lacing up shoes and running out the door. +[2933.080 --> 2936.080] And of course, to some extent that that is easy. +[2936.080 --> 2946.080] It is easy. But proper running technique is vital to avoiding injury later in life and staying a runner for as long as you can. +[2946.080 --> 2954.080] Born to run two authors, Chris McDougall and Eric Orton expand on this sentiment by sharing leg stiffness drills, +[2954.080 --> 2964.080] barefoot exercises and the power of movement snacks, bite size mobility and movement practices any athlete can adopt. +[2964.080 --> 2975.080] This idea and you talk about it in born or two like don't teach people technique when it comes to running like everyone's an end of one and there is no right or wrong way and we all know how to run. +[2975.080 --> 2996.080] So you just got run and like don't mess around with that, which is insane when you deconstruct that like you use the example of like the basketball player like you don't just throw the ball up in the air and hope for the best like you it's a skill just like anything else and there is a right way and a wrong way and so much about our modern lifestyles and we can get into all of that. +[2996.080 --> 3008.080] Drive us into situations where we're compelled to do it improperly and that leads to all of these you know injuries and persistent you know problems that sideline people unnecessarily. +[3008.080 --> 3019.080] You know I tell a lot of beginning runners don't view starting running as a workout or as a form of fitness or a way to lose weight. +[3019.080 --> 3038.080] Create the joy first and everything else will follow and that goes into learning to be efficient non thinking it has to be hard and that's that's kind of what we really dove into with Chris is that I worked kind of the real easy and but also he did a lot of hill sprints and a lot of other higher. +[3038.080 --> 3052.080] Effort training to develop that efficiency and economy that was in a revelatory he was in a matter of a couple weeks doing so much more than he had ever done just by changing things up. +[3052.080 --> 3067.080] You know let's like let's hone in on the on the on the form piece for a little bit I think with with born to run it became a little bit reductive in the sense that everyone just thought it was about minimalism and bearable. +[3067.080 --> 3085.080] Minimalism and barefoot running and that is a piece in there for sure right but that's really kind of evidence of a broader you know concept around form technique and lifestyle I think the further we get away from the ground in a shoe. +[3085.080 --> 3109.080] More we are getting away from allowing our feet to work in a natural environment and I think what people really need to understand is that how we use our feet really dictate how we stabilize you know our first line of defense as runners is with our big toe in our arch that's our stabilizer and that really dictates how well we use our glutes. +[3109.080 --> 3136.080] So how we use our feet directly relate to how we've kind of hear the important stability strength we need to be healthy strong performance or longevity based runners but for me even more so it's what we're doing for the structural system is that a lot of what's in the book waking up all those muscles and group and use an appropriate matter activating things we were in Lawrence Kansas what two days ago or whatever was in. +[3136.080 --> 3165.080] You know kind of our mo for these events have been start out with some of our our skills in the book and then go for a run and we did some neuromuscular jumping and and what we call leg stiffness leg stiffness is a crucial element for performance and longevity for good health and running and so we went through our leg stiffness exercises and then went for a trail run and after the trail run to two gals can. +[3166.080 --> 3174.080] So they came up to me and they said those exercises were. +[3174.080 --> 3185.080] Transform my running in a matter of 30 minutes because normally I would not be able to run that trail it as a steady run I felt like I could run forever. +[3185.080 --> 3195.080] What does that mean leg stiffness it's essentially your ability to land and get off the ground as quickly as possible. +[3195.080 --> 3214.080] At helping your cadence so I see cadence and leg stiffness go hand in hand for performance and for longevity or you know that that will feel good we want out of running where it takes away tightness when we hear leg stiffness that's a good thing it doesn't mean. +[3214.080 --> 3225.080] Lack of mobility or tightness it's it's your ability to use and operate the springs and rubber bands in your body to land and snap and get off of it as quick as possible. +[3225.080 --> 3238.080] I see yeah cool talk about a little bit about the movement snacks mean that's sort of drill oriented but I like how you've encapsulated that and and turned it into like a fun thing yeah the movement +[3238.080 --> 3248.080] the movement snacks or something that you can do anytime anywhere for a variety of reasons but how we strategically strategically use them in the book is a lot of +[3248.080 --> 3263.080] diving into the diagnostics of the injury chapter where maybe the movement snacks are a strategic way to begin to add more mobility or +[3263.080 --> 3285.080] give you a sense of where you're lacking in movement while you're then implementing some of the remedies for that specific injury these are these are developed by a friend of ours Julie Angel who come from park or background and so what Julie actually filmmaker who started to film park or athletes and as an observer she realized oh they've got some really kind of cool. +[3285.080 --> 3314.080] Full natural movement skills that a lot of people could benefit from so she extract the movement snacks from the isolated movements of park or athletes like precision jumping or fodder peat on movement right on all fours yeah yeah but that kind of thing to balance on your left foot and your right hand the same time and move forward and then she realized these are fun they are non threatening and that if you do a little bit of bear crawl for like 30 seconds and you stand up +[3314.080 --> 3343.080] everything feels loosened and so I think it's kind of a genius move by by Julie to create movement snacks because you take that group of people I'm not a runner I don't want to do that I don't do that so the park or community will form a big circle as a way of saying hello and then they will bear crawl to the center and everyone will high five and then they'll reverse and bear crawl backwards back out that's the warm up but they've now extended their entire chain of motion their arms shoulders backs are loosened and they're ready to work out so that's a we basically +[3343.080 --> 3372.080] adopted all these things from from Julie's and movements next cool well let's let's let's end this with a couple drills things that you can I don't know if we can like if it's possible to articulate it in a way where people can understand but like one or two things that people could start to practice where they can get a gauge on like oh this is why I feel this way because this thing is weak or what have you yeah so that maybe we can hit it from two sides one what we call the foot core where we are going to do something like this is going to be a little bit more like this one +[3372.080 --> 3401.760] where we can train our feet we've got muscles on bottom or feet and there's some simple but very very potent ways to train your feet and it's a simply you always kind of want to work barefoot and simply taking off your shoes and socks and balancing on your forefoot on one leg and Chris is sick of me here and saying this but you know you're going to feel it where you need it you're going to the weakest link is going to show up it might be for someone hey they start to feel it in the feet in the arch or it might be the calves or +[3401.760 --> 3431.680] hey they're strong down there they they break or they do mountain running and so they're strong down below the knee but they start to feel it in a glue and that's that's how the feet really affect everything through the leg so again simply barefoot forefoot balancing right I've noticed and I don't know whether this is an age thing or a weakness thing or whatever but my balance got really bad like when I you know when I stand on one leg or I'm putting my underwear on +[3431.680 --> 3461.560] or whatever I'm like why can't I just you know hold myself up in a stable way and I think to and doing these simple foot core exercises that you're going to start to see or feel a difference between right and left and then you can start maybe making a correlation of oh yeah I'm kind of tighter on this side and and making a correlation of how poorly or how well you're using each foot based on how you're feeling as an athlete the genius of these exercises that Eric came up with is I wanted everything to be something +[3461.560 --> 3491.520] that I would personally do you know if I ain't going to do it I'm like I put in the book and things like the one foot balancing if you're waiting for the coffee to brew you get two minutes on your hands you can do this and that's why I like about these are extraordinarily practical but have a great residual effect as well and that doesn't mean they're not potent I mean right as you're listening right now take off your shoes and socks and balance on your forefoot it's it's not an easy thing and you can see how challenging and difficult it is and with that in that position +[3491.520 --> 3501.200] regardless of good or bad form we're asking ourselves to be in that position every step as we run and you need to be stable there and that's how we can really train the feet +[3501.200 --> 3510.480] and the self correcting part of this is that Eric doesn't give you any instructions on how you go it's just move your arms and move your legs however you want to get that balance what you find is +[3510.480 --> 3516.480] you self correct you realize oh if I just kind of tighten my corp a little bit if I straighten my posture but do my arms like this +[3516.480 --> 3522.160] as you do for 30 seconds and your body will find that balance that you were struggling for just by putting +[3522.160 --> 3528.880] itself in that position yeah the tweak for me is embracing the fact that so much of that is about like +[3528.880 --> 3534.880] creating those neural pathways it's not about suffering like you know the athlete in me is like I'm +[3534.880 --> 3539.040] going to do it until it hurts or how many of these lifts you know am I going to do I'll just do it +[3539.040 --> 3544.640] until it's burning like crazy but it's not really about that it's really about just developing +[3544.720 --> 3550.880] the habit as a preset and that's about like your mind connecting with that movement it's not about +[3550.880 --> 3555.600] like you know hitting anything hard it's the best warm up you can do because now we're turning +[3555.600 --> 3561.920] an electrical system on before we go out and run yeah so another one leg stiffness we talked about +[3561.920 --> 3567.360] is simply there there's three types of strength we have concentric eccentric and isometric +[3568.000 --> 3573.760] and eccentric and isometric is very really talked about and especially the isometric where it's that +[3574.320 --> 3581.600] when we land as a runner there's a moment in time after our land and before we take off +[3581.600 --> 3589.280] that is really really crucial for injuries that isometric hold okay a lot of runners don't have that +[3589.280 --> 3596.000] so leg stiffener exercise would be simply standing on your right foot barefoot and just taking a +[3596.000 --> 3601.440] short leap forward and sticking it like a ballerina without a whole lot of leg movement you want to +[3601.440 --> 3608.400] stick it without movement and just kind of progressively hop forward with that stick two or three +[3608.400 --> 3614.320] five second stick to create more leg stiffness to allow you to really get off the ground right so +[3614.320 --> 3620.880] that that creates the ability to be resilient in that isometric position and avoid injury and it's +[3620.880 --> 3626.560] a great way for people who are training for a hilly race that might not live in that area and now +[3626.560 --> 3631.920] we're training that eccentric landing as well that we get from down hills that maybe they don't have +[3631.920 --> 3637.280] so yeah cool yeah yeah can we go outside yeah and you're gonna like put me through the ringer we're +[3637.280 --> 3642.240] gonna look at you all right it's cool about this is that people love these exercises uh people go +[3642.240 --> 3647.200] I'm not a runner and you haven't do the sticky hop lunges and you just see that like they're having +[3647.200 --> 3653.840] fun it's a playful game yeah yeah so as you just started Eric and Chris shared the benefits of +[3653.840 --> 3661.280] adopting exercises and drills to support running but often mental endurance is far more challenging +[3661.280 --> 3669.280] than physical so what do we do when we feel uninspired to stick to our goals how can we cultivate +[3669.280 --> 3677.920] lasting motivation well the trick is to break goals down into very small actionable steps focus on +[3677.920 --> 3684.960] running 10 minutes rather than five miles this is the mindset of my friend the very exuberant +[3684.960 --> 3692.240] endurance superstar helis a dbe a man who holds a 2000 plus day running streak he's been running +[3692.240 --> 3699.600] every single day since May 15 2017 and in this clip hella shares why achieving your goals starts +[3699.600 --> 3707.280] by making them pressure free and attainable so that's when I started taking responsibility and say +[3707.280 --> 3712.160] go do what you can do and and and focus on that which I ended you there not the areas you can't +[3712.160 --> 3716.800] and what was that I mean when faced with the prospect of your professional career not panning out +[3716.800 --> 3723.360] yeah what's next I literally told myself one day I'm tired of making excuses I gotta do something +[3723.360 --> 3727.840] that I can hold myself accountable for and then fitness comes to your mind you're an athlete and I +[3727.840 --> 3731.440] said hello whenever you tell yourself you're gonna need a gym for a week straight you go two three +[3731.440 --> 3735.920] days you tap out and I said what is something that I'm afraid of running hit me immediately so +[3735.920 --> 3740.960] playing division one even at the pro level running I was always afraid of it at UMass Emmer's the +[3740.960 --> 3745.200] track to me see look at us are you guys the UMass tracking you guys run so much our coach was very +[3745.200 --> 3749.920] proud of me he resting peace and cook was very proud to say you guys are gonna be the fittest him in +[3749.920 --> 3754.720] the country so anything you do any mistake on the line we want to play top teams the day before he +[3754.720 --> 3759.440] makes us run so I was fitness test I was afraid of it I couldn't sleep the night before I always +[3759.440 --> 3763.920] play I could play 90 minutes no problem because with soccer you're heading 50 50 ball you're attacking +[3763.920 --> 3768.000] your defending it's not just solely focused on running so I told my I asked myself what are you +[3768.000 --> 3772.560] afraid of and running hit me and I said you know what I'm gonna go face my fear of running let me just +[3772.560 --> 3777.040] go 10 minutes a day for two weeks and zero pressure it doesn't matter if 10 minutes mean you don't +[3777.040 --> 3781.120] even get to a mile that's okay so I told myself that within the first week I fell in love with it +[3781.120 --> 3785.840] immediately so I ran to Alex Atoray as my chance I was like I think I can do this for the rest of my +[3785.840 --> 3789.680] life but I don't want to get ahead of myself let me do this every day for a year that's how the whole +[3789.680 --> 3794.720] run should study right so it was really born out of this frustration yeah and a little bit of +[3794.720 --> 3799.200] confusion about what the next chapter was gonna look at yes exactly exactly that's how it all +[3799.200 --> 3804.320] started it's also interesting that your frame on running is through the lens of punishment yeah when +[3804.320 --> 3809.520] you are on a sports team it's not run specific it's like that's you know being told to run is what +[3809.520 --> 3815.040] happens when you get in trouble literally you know it's like it's like the stick if you know if you +[3815.040 --> 3820.320] ask teammates of mine I get so stressed the night before a fitness test they can see it they're like +[3820.320 --> 3824.880] hell you okay I'm like I just can't stop thinking about that beep test tomorrow morning or like +[3824.880 --> 3828.560] the coupons that's where you got to run two miles under 12 minutes and if you don't make this time +[3828.560 --> 3833.120] you got to be in breakfast club which is extra fitness before the actual practice and the actual +[3833.120 --> 3838.960] practice has its own fitness in it so it really got me all all confused and scared and petrified +[3838.960 --> 3844.320] but you're super fit so when you started this streak I think you said you went out and ran 10 minutes +[3844.320 --> 3849.120] or something like that but you certainly capable of doing more than that yeah wake people and in +[3849.120 --> 3852.480] that 10 minutes didn't even last it was just the first week I was ended up finding myself running +[3852.480 --> 3857.440] even four miles but the whole point of that idea of saying 10 minutes a day was to have zero pressure +[3857.440 --> 3861.280] because I know if I were to tell myself hello you got around least five miles a day that's +[3861.280 --> 3866.560] something at that point in my mentality and physical ability for running wasn't I wasn't +[3866.560 --> 3871.760] something I was kind of capable of of maintaining but I knew something attendable to the 10 minutes +[3871.840 --> 3876.480] so it was a mental thing so that made me feel like okay you're doing this with non-pressure enjoying +[3876.480 --> 3882.400] spring was in the air was May 15th of 2017 so it just a perfect amount of time for me to be out there +[3882.400 --> 3888.560] so that's why yeah I said 10 minutes have a change and and staying motivated you know what you've +[3888.560 --> 3895.840] done is so inspirational and I feel like you do such a good job at communicating these ideas in a +[3895.840 --> 3902.480] relatable way so for the people that are watching or listening who are feeling inspired and know +[3902.480 --> 3907.520] they need to get off the couch and do something it doesn't necessarily have to be a run street but +[3907.520 --> 3912.240] perhaps you know are in the process of of rethinking their relationship to their body and +[3912.240 --> 3917.120] themselves and and the trajectory that they're on in life like how do you speak to that person +[3917.120 --> 3922.960] I always say do something that's pressure free and do something that's attendable always those are +[3922.960 --> 3928.800] the biggest factor for me and pressure free meaning don't do it because someone else is doing it +[3928.800 --> 3933.200] do it because you want to do it and do it on your own timing don't feel like you got to get it done +[3933.200 --> 3938.000] if it's like a goal whatever you don't have to get it done in 10 days if you need a month a month is +[3938.000 --> 3942.960] okay so just do it pressure free because because of that I fell in love with running I never thought +[3942.960 --> 3947.440] there's no chance and now I get excited to run and I know running is tough is it has this brutal +[3947.440 --> 3952.320] days but like I'm so excited to go at it so do it you don't feel the pressure of maintaining the +[3952.320 --> 3957.600] streak nope zero pressure and I always say this to this is how I feel about it the day that I feel +[3957.600 --> 3963.120] like it becomes more of a pressure and I'm not liking it I'm gonna stop I'll stop and then I don't +[3963.120 --> 3967.840] know when that day give yourself that permission yeah and and I know I'll find something else I'll +[3967.840 --> 3973.200] find something else so making sure it's not I don't have to go I know I don't have to go run to +[3973.200 --> 3977.360] keep a street going but I just do it because it feels good I enjoy it and I want to keep sharing it +[3977.360 --> 3983.680] so pressure free do it or something that's attendable and just think about even spending five minutes +[3983.680 --> 3987.440] a day goes a long way if it's something you love already or you're thinking about you've been +[3987.440 --> 3991.120] thinking about that's all the signs to start doing it so if that mean just spend five minutes +[3991.120 --> 3995.920] a day it's it's about volume five minutes a day for seven days a week it's gonna add up but if +[3995.920 --> 4001.040] you just do it today and you take few days off that's not it if you can do 10 minutes a day that's +[4001.040 --> 4005.040] also 10 minutes you can at least find out of your day if it's important enough to you so as long +[4005.200 --> 4010.000] as you want to do it and just pressure free and get after it and don't think about anybody even +[4010.000 --> 4013.840] don't compare even if it's running don't compare yourself to these people who are doing hundreds of +[4013.840 --> 4018.880] miles these fast pace or these whatever everybody has their own process their own journey and if that's +[4018.880 --> 4023.520] the goal you'll get there just one day at a time I said I love it man yeah one day at a time +[4025.440 --> 4030.960] I think hell is really spot on when it comes to comparison it just it doesn't serve you and it +[4030.960 --> 4038.240] won't get you any closer to your goals but when you hit plateaus injuries age-related physical +[4038.240 --> 4045.360] changes or even postpartum changes it can be hard to not compare yourself to others or even to +[4045.360 --> 4053.280] your old self but robin our zone wants you to turn these plateaus into launching pads a global +[4053.280 --> 4060.640] fitness icon and vice president of fitness programming at peloton robin delivers a sermon +[4060.640 --> 4068.960] on positive self-talk on gratitude pre and postnatal fitness and how to form a movement routine +[4068.960 --> 4077.120] after giving birth how does it work like speaking strictly about fitness like walk me through +[4077.760 --> 4083.120] the prenatal phase and how you thought about your fitness and now postnatal like how you've +[4083.760 --> 4091.040] approached it whether it's different or has changed based upon pre mama peace pre strong mama +[4092.560 --> 4098.640] prenatal okay so I trained and I taught five days a week live throughout my entire pregnancy +[4100.000 --> 4104.320] it only everyone like fell in love with you because you were like this is like oh she's pregnant +[4104.320 --> 4108.960] like they there was a emotional bond I think that you created with the people that care about you +[4109.040 --> 4116.480] well I announced the pregnancy on the bike so that it was like a very major you know a pregnancy +[4116.480 --> 4123.040] announcement but that was that felt very logical to me because I have shared you know parts of +[4123.040 --> 4128.720] my life whether it's my romantic journey or my you know of course as an athlete and as a woman +[4128.720 --> 4135.280] as a latina like there are aspects of myself that I that I infuse into my into my training and my +[4135.280 --> 4139.920] workouts and so announcing the pregnancy felt logical especially because I knew I was going to teach +[4139.920 --> 4145.440] you know what was hoped to teach throughout my pregnancy and I and I had a great pregnancy so +[4145.440 --> 4153.280] that was possible and I you know I continue to run strength train and cycle throughout I did +[4154.000 --> 4160.160] I got my prenatal certification so I did prenatal classes as well for Peloton and that felt +[4160.400 --> 4169.440] I was like oh I got this postpartum however that piece of the journey was daunting it felt like +[4170.800 --> 4176.160] putting myself back together again I wouldn't I just wasn't used to slowing down to that extent +[4176.160 --> 4183.280] and being that vulnerable and having no control I mean just there were so many days that the fatigue +[4183.280 --> 4189.840] was crushing I you know it was recovering from a C section so major abdominal surgery and there +[4189.840 --> 4196.960] were I mean for probably the first six weeks I was like oh my god am I ever going to be moved the way +[4196.960 --> 4205.120] I'm used to moving and the pressure of being a celebrity fitness personality and what if I can't +[4205.120 --> 4212.640] do that again or be that person that I want to be or know how to be I had it was I had I had +[4213.120 --> 4219.920] real moments of imposter syndrome especially when you know we we're running like a network so +[4220.800 --> 4225.600] I took five months of maternity leave but when we were planning for me to come back they're like +[4225.600 --> 4228.960] you know productions like what do you want to teach you know we have to put something on the +[4228.960 --> 4233.920] live schedule for x-day and I'm like I don't even physically know what I'm going to be able to do +[4233.920 --> 4239.200] you know it that felt really intense and I developed a mantra then +[4239.920 --> 4247.040] during that postpartum period of consistency over intensity because I knew I couldn't go hard +[4247.040 --> 4254.320] in the paint which is I'm apt to do like that is much more my flavor of intensity and I thought +[4254.320 --> 4259.040] just do something every day and in the beginning it was literally breathwork like literally feeding +[4259.040 --> 4263.360] my daughter and doing 360 diaphragmatic breathing because I knew that was you know going to repair my core +[4263.600 --> 4269.280] that was weeks of that and then it was walks and you know little by little amounting to a lot +[4269.280 --> 4275.920] but it was frustratingly slow and now I'm stronger than I ever have been you know a year a year later +[4275.920 --> 4282.320] right and how much of that did you share transparently in the peloton classes because I feel like +[4282.320 --> 4291.520] that on some level is much more relatable to the typical peloton person than all the talk about +[4291.600 --> 4295.280] polishing your crowns and you know all of that kind of stuff you know what I mean like +[4295.280 --> 4300.240] hey I don't feel like you know most of the time I feel like I can barely do anything and now +[4300.240 --> 4306.880] Robin can speak my language or I can find a relatability there that that perhaps even strengthen +[4306.880 --> 4313.280] your connection with your community definitely I was I was super honest especially in those first +[4313.280 --> 4318.960] few classes back you know in that in that six month period my first six months back on the bike +[4318.960 --> 4323.680] and back in strength classes it you know I'd already been doing my own training before you're +[4323.680 --> 4327.520] during my maternity leave but it was it's different it's different during in front of the camera +[4327.520 --> 4333.040] that for you know those first few sprints feel like am I ever going to get it back but your body +[4333.040 --> 4337.040] does remember and I think being honest about that journey especially as a woman +[4339.360 --> 4343.280] and very anti snapback culture you know yeah I want to talk about that because there is all this +[4343.280 --> 4348.640] pressure like how quickly can you get back to where you were before and your whole thing is +[4348.640 --> 4354.080] about letting go of what was before and let's focus on moving forward yeah and I really +[4356.480 --> 4361.600] my refrain was what if a plateau is a launching pad what if a plateau is a launching pad +[4361.600 --> 4369.600] and for a really long time I still wasn't fitting into you know you know I like the like I'm +[4369.600 --> 4373.440] supposed to wear the new Peloton collection and I'd have to go back and be like I actually still +[4373.440 --> 4380.080] need this other size you know and I had to tell myself reframe the story around that and focus +[4380.080 --> 4387.680] on what my body could do rather than you know what what size the tag set sure and it's all good now +[4387.680 --> 4393.280] though feel strong I'm stronger than ever yeah and I but it was a little by little amounting to a +[4393.440 --> 4400.880] lot I mean it was truly like the smallest that I remember runs on the west side highway just +[4402.240 --> 4408.240] I trained for the I tried to read the New York City marathon um but I think a thing it was nine +[4408.240 --> 4414.080] months and I didn't when I tell you that I didn't look at a watch I would old school like +[4414.080 --> 4420.960] map the distance for my runs mm-hmm and not run with a single stitch of like pacing yeah because I +[4420.960 --> 4425.840] couldn't even I couldn't even take that in for me you know I couldn't be like oh but your pace +[4425.840 --> 4430.960] was this and then no way I showed up to the New York City marathon actually having zero idea how long +[4430.960 --> 4436.240] was gonna take me like I was just like I was liberating that way it was so liberating and it was a night it +[4436.240 --> 4442.880] was it was a it was a refreshing back to basics like it was like I'm doing this because I love it +[4442.880 --> 4450.160] and because I will I feel better doing it rather than any external gaze yeah I shared a little +[4450.320 --> 4455.200] thing about this on Instagram the other day you know my version of that is just getting older and +[4455.200 --> 4460.880] dealing with injuries you know it's a limited version of of what you experienced on an extreme level +[4460.880 --> 4467.840] but at some point the GPS watches and all the stuff are no longer tools but their vehicles to shame +[4467.840 --> 4473.600] yourself right and and at that point they're counterproductive and I've been spending more time like +[4473.600 --> 4478.320] letting go of all of that stuff and what it does is it does it does exactly what you said which is +[4478.320 --> 4482.800] it reminds you while you're doing it which is that it's brings your yourself joy you know and +[4482.800 --> 4487.920] that's really the most important thing so rather than like looking you know where am I at it's +[4487.920 --> 4492.960] impossible to look at that and not immediately measure yourself against the fittest version of +[4492.960 --> 4499.280] yourself which is a really unkind unfair thing to do to yourself it was so I mean I I noticed +[4500.080 --> 4505.600] myself doing that and I did do runs on the peloton tread and it was thank god I had it because I +[4505.680 --> 4510.880] literally during that time I like I cobble I don't even know how I did cross that finish line +[4510.880 --> 4515.760] but I cobbled together like I'm talking like 20 minutes in the morning 20 minutes in the afternoon +[4515.760 --> 4520.240] and that would be my run you know when I was supposed to run five miles that day like it was not +[4521.440 --> 4529.440] as I would have what I've had done it in past marathon training cycles but the most important +[4529.440 --> 4533.520] catalyst was not crossing that finish line it was how I was talking to myself along the way +[4534.240 --> 4544.640] um and talk more about that it was um okay so I'll do so pre-run putting on a pair of pants that +[4545.840 --> 4554.480] were bigger than I have ever trained in before right go out lace up finish that 10 mile run finish +[4554.480 --> 4562.000] that 13 mile run come back kinder to myself because I completed what I said I was going to do even +[4562.000 --> 4572.080] if it took me however much longer than previous versions and um it actually brought me back so I when +[4572.080 --> 4576.400] I started running after after I was held hostage and I started and was started running during law +[4576.400 --> 4582.400] school I was it was the first time I was made aware of my internal conversation of like the actual +[4582.400 --> 4587.120] thoughts whether it was like in first person or third person they were going on in between my ears +[4587.200 --> 4598.320] and I was brought back to that in that training cycle postpartum as my ability to either use the words +[4600.560 --> 4604.560] to cat what kind of spell am I going to cast with the words that are going on internally +[4605.120 --> 4609.600] and it was either going to be I had a choice like are you going to berate yourself for the size of +[4609.600 --> 4615.920] these pants or are you going to tell yourself oh my god like you are outside you have your husband's +[4615.920 --> 4620.480] able to watch the baby she's healthy like you're healed enough from this post-c section to even +[4620.480 --> 4626.400] lace up you know you were craving to even get outdoors you know so there was an element of gratitude +[4626.400 --> 4630.880] and kindness that I had to incorporate into that training cycle and ended up being the best +[4631.440 --> 4636.560] four months of training of my life yeah it's a choice right but sometimes it's hard to make that +[4636.560 --> 4643.680] choice like is there a mental trick or tactic that you would deploy to get out of that negative +[4643.680 --> 4651.200] headspace and and inhabit that more positive gratitude oriented perspective yeah I would often ask +[4651.200 --> 4658.560] myself what do you have right now that you used to dream about or pray for and in the like +[4658.560 --> 4665.760] specifics it was like just last week you couldn't even go three miles so you would have been grateful +[4665.760 --> 4674.160] that you can even run an hour today you know and there what yeah that actually is my like +[4674.160 --> 4680.160] intern that asking myself that question is like an internal reset like I I remember the beginning +[4680.160 --> 4685.360] of the pandemic during quarantine I was just my I was pregnant during the pandemic and it felt +[4685.360 --> 4690.880] the walls felt like they were closing in some points you know for all of us and I started that as +[4691.120 --> 4696.880] as a journaling practice but I would force myself to answer you know what is it that you used to +[4696.880 --> 4703.280] dream about or wish for that you have right now but like within these four walls like and then I +[4703.280 --> 4707.840] noticed like oh there was that painting that I got at whatever trip or there's you know the couch +[4707.840 --> 4713.040] that I bought with my husband you know little things that I was able to kind of put that gratitude +[4713.040 --> 4716.960] filter on that it really helps it initially I mean there were of course there are some days that +[4716.960 --> 4721.680] I was like God this feels cheesy but the practice of it really helped ground me and anchor me +[4723.440 --> 4730.240] I really agree with Robin when she said gratitude is integral to motivation and accepting where +[4730.240 --> 4737.120] you're at in your movement journey but oftentimes seasonal changes can present obstacles when it +[4737.120 --> 4742.720] comes to movement wintertime weather makes for cold runs or icy swims who wants to do that so in +[4742.720 --> 4750.400] this next clip two-time Olympic swimmer Ironman master and my coach Chris Houth shares off-season +[4750.400 --> 4756.240] and cold weather routines as well as discusses how to maximize strength and mobility work during +[4756.240 --> 4764.240] the winter months and how to cultivate consistency and steady gradual sustained progress +[4765.120 --> 4772.960] what do you think is the biggest mistake that most masters or amateur athletes make around this +[4772.960 --> 4779.360] time of year well it's the thinking that you have to keep this perfect string of workouts going +[4779.360 --> 4785.520] right if you get 80% of your week done if you get three four days together strong together done well +[4785.520 --> 4790.800] and you miss a day that's fine right we're all not going to be a hundred percent on any of this +[4790.800 --> 4797.120] I'm never hundred percent on any of this let alone most of my athletes life gets in the way right +[4797.120 --> 4803.760] we all went pro and something other than this master's sports and so not judging ourselves not worrying +[4803.760 --> 4809.760] too much about missing a day because the next day you're going to come back more motivated more +[4809.760 --> 4816.720] focused as well as fresher and more recovered and feel better doing it so don't look for perfection +[4816.800 --> 4824.640] look for steady gradual progress consistency yeah because especially as masters athletes as I like +[4824.640 --> 4830.480] to call us especially as swimmers will you remember how we used to be right and we have this +[4830.480 --> 4835.200] image when we take on an event whether it's an Ironman whether it's a swimming race whether it's a +[4835.200 --> 4841.680] running race how we used to be and how when we had a lot of time and no kids and not a career that +[4841.760 --> 4848.080] demands a lot of us and so forth oh that's what it felt like that's how I how I felt and that's +[4848.080 --> 4855.440] how the rhythm of the training went well that was 20 years ago by it right like you forget +[4855.440 --> 4860.560] and you have to adjust those expectations and that's why I always say we can take on any endurance +[4860.560 --> 4866.400] event we just have to adjust the expectations however you want to achieve it we can achieve it +[4866.400 --> 4872.880] but let's work around what the expectations are for the endurance athlete out there how important +[4872.880 --> 4879.920] is the strength work like time in the gym this time year well besides that I will always say it's +[4879.920 --> 4886.640] individual to the person um strength work is quite important the beauty of strength work that fits +[4886.640 --> 4892.640] really well in with the seasons of endurance training and endurance athletics is that this is a +[4892.640 --> 4898.400] great time of year when the rain is here the snow is here the cold temperatures to work on those +[4898.400 --> 4904.960] things it's again taking advantage of the environment we're in spending the next 12 weeks 16 weeks +[4904.960 --> 4911.280] on strength and mobility especially mobility more than strength and mobility ties in stability work +[4911.280 --> 4917.840] what I call chassis integrity you know core stability things like that um so that then come the +[4917.840 --> 4924.320] spring we can put a bigger load on the body when it's time but yeah I'm a big believer in strength work +[4924.320 --> 4930.240] not for everybody because what's are the best use of our limited time right so some people we do +[4930.240 --> 4936.400] just need to run right we just need to get them moving and running um or walking in some cases +[4936.400 --> 4942.080] others were better off spending that strength time if they're in the more um tempered climate on the +[4942.080 --> 4948.800] bike right we can do hill repeats on the bike at a low cadence and really work those leg muscles +[4948.800 --> 4955.200] very similar squats but you're doing a very sports specific do you have a specific mobility +[4955.200 --> 4962.720] slash strength slash core workout that you recommend people yeah no I sort of fudge them all together +[4962.720 --> 4968.160] from a variety of different um people that I've worked with things that I've liked um plans that +[4968.160 --> 4973.840] I've applied and see how they work that's the that's the fun part right for me even now at this +[4973.840 --> 4979.040] time of year I'm going through some different strength work and versions of strength work that I +[4979.040 --> 4984.320] will then in two three weeks hand on to my athletes like some of that kettle ball stuff yeah yeah +[4984.320 --> 4994.880] kettle ball um a lot of kettlebell I did it again I had a I said I got like crucify because I had +[4994.880 --> 4999.680] mic muller in here is like an expert in kettlebells and I was I was calling kettlebells +[5001.680 --> 5009.200] yes kettlebells medicine balls done bells um I like all that because again we want to +[5009.200 --> 5015.360] manage the load and kettlebells because they're so versatile allow you to do a lot of that work +[5015.360 --> 5021.280] and guess what for thirty bucks on amazon for fifty bucks on amazon you can get a pretty good set +[5021.280 --> 5027.040] and do most of this stuff in the comfort of your home thirty minutes and you are getting +[5027.040 --> 5034.320] huge benefits from that strength work um single leg lunges and squats and explosive jumps and +[5034.320 --> 5041.280] so forth from from a leg standpoint core work and um you know all kinds of crossover work that +[5041.280 --> 5046.400] you can do with kettlebells that works really really well yeah yeah all right well we got to close this +[5046.960 --> 5054.560] uh episode of coaches cornered down but like I want you to just imagine it's late January it's dark +[5054.560 --> 5061.760] it's cold it's wet you set that goal at the end of December but your enthusiasm is starting to +[5061.760 --> 5069.120] wane what are the key most important things that people can kind of latch onto hang their hat on to +[5069.120 --> 5074.480] carry them into the spring months well you've heard this from me many times before but there's +[5074.480 --> 5078.400] little there's some more tricks to it in the meantime and that is just doing something a little +[5078.400 --> 5084.000] something every day right consistency and don't beat yourself up if it's only thirty minutes that's +[5084.000 --> 5089.120] plenty to get the heart rate going but let's say you're on a treadmill right or on a trainer +[5089.120 --> 5095.280] um bike trainer where you put your bike on on a resistance trainer like things that I say to my +[5095.280 --> 5100.560] athletes is you know what let's say you have the tv on every time there's a commercial that's when +[5100.560 --> 5106.000] you run harder you run it two two miles an hour faster and then when your show comes back on +[5106.000 --> 5112.480] back to easy right use everything as in your environment to your advantage to keep you motivated +[5112.480 --> 5121.120] to keep it fun save that tv show that you want to watch on Netflix for being on the trainer or +[5121.120 --> 5127.920] save that song or that music or that podcast or your podcast for when you're on the treadmill right +[5127.920 --> 5133.760] and you're stuck in the dark times or in a gym with a billion people and you don't really want +[5133.760 --> 5139.520] to interact right now you just want to exhale you've had a long day save that for then to listen +[5139.520 --> 5149.600] to that music or that new CD or CD CD yeah how old are you exactly what was um or podcast right and so +[5150.240 --> 5155.440] again use those things to your advantage to get you out there every day the other thing that I use +[5155.520 --> 5162.240] and my athletes know this is I put out an index card when I go through hard times every night and +[5162.240 --> 5168.240] I put it right by my coffee in the morning so that index card has my workouts for the day on it +[5168.240 --> 5173.200] and just seeing that index card there with a few intentions I mean it's not big you know so small +[5173.200 --> 5178.240] little index cards lying there and seeing it first thing in the morning when I'm tired and sleepy +[5178.240 --> 5185.040] and walking turn on the water you know already okay well that I can do right it's just that index +[5185.040 --> 5190.320] card I have to put that in a box at the end of the day at some point today I want to get that done +[5191.040 --> 5200.640] right I like that another little trick that I use is to prepare for the the following days work out +[5200.640 --> 5206.160] the evening before by doing simple things like okay it's a run so I'll pull out the shorts and the +[5206.160 --> 5211.680] socks and like kind of get everything ready and organized to make it as easy as possible to begin +[5211.680 --> 5217.920] that workout the next day and I think just the simple act of organizing that creates an emotional +[5217.920 --> 5222.400] investment that makes it harder for you the next day to not do it or have it with you like you +[5222.400 --> 5227.840] have it in your car with your all times but also like to do the you know the podcasts are really +[5227.840 --> 5233.360] intriguing right because you see what the topics are and you load them the night before and you +[5233.360 --> 5238.960] look forward to your playlists yeah you look forward oh I'm curious as to what this guy has to say +[5238.960 --> 5243.760] or what she is contributing right I like this what this one's only 30 minutes though so I got to +[5243.760 --> 5248.800] make sure I have I know it's going to follow that so I don't have to stop and yeah well but we all +[5248.800 --> 5254.640] also know once that initial momentum happens you're out the door you're going right no I mean not +[5254.640 --> 5259.440] that but like I I don't want to have to stop my workout to hit play on the next thing like I want it +[5259.440 --> 5265.600] all cute so it'll just flow right yeah sure yeah get in a little something every day don't try to +[5265.600 --> 5271.760] string together too many days perfectly in a row just look at yourself big picture a lot of +[5271.760 --> 5278.640] the times I also say where do you want to be on January 31st nothing crazy not something for June +[5278.640 --> 5285.600] yet how do I want to feel January 31st how do I want to feel February 28th or whatever it'll be +[5285.600 --> 5290.960] this year so give yourself short term outcomes that you say okay that I can achieve I just need to +[5291.520 --> 5296.480] a little bit better at the end of January than I was at the end of December right and then +[5296.480 --> 5301.920] you're making progress so that you can set the marker for next month out there of this is what I +[5301.920 --> 5307.600] want to achieve right you can chart it you can there's a lot of ways to keep you excited about the next +[5307.600 --> 5312.880] week but if you have short term goals that you feel good about achieving it'll just create momentum +[5312.880 --> 5319.600] once again if you can master just a little bit of movement every single day it can really have a +[5319.600 --> 5325.600] dramatic difference and not just your physical health but also your mental health but tying in +[5325.600 --> 5331.680] more natural movements throughout your day that's even better so closing out our movement master +[5331.680 --> 5340.080] class is natural lifestyle coach and barefoot ultra running phenom Tony Riddle who is going to +[5340.080 --> 5347.440] distill down everything we've covered today to the basics by sharing how to turn daily mobility +[5347.600 --> 5356.400] exercises into habits as well as talking about how to nourish flexibility and mobility and why we all +[5356.400 --> 5366.400] might actually need to relearn how to walk so if you were going to pull out a prescription pad and +[5366.400 --> 5372.960] write a prescription for me short of getting rid of all the chairs in my house and knowing me as a +[5372.960 --> 5378.800] runner and a multi-sport athlete what is the prescription around squatting or other things that +[5378.800 --> 5384.640] I could be doing or somebody who is like me could be doing and there's many people like you I get +[5384.640 --> 5389.040] to see a lot of people like you I wouldn't I wouldn't go as extreme to taking your furniture away it'd be +[5389.040 --> 5393.440] too much where it's not found you wouldn't handle it you know it'd be too much emotional crash +[5393.440 --> 5399.280] you know I don't know I think again you have to take it back to say well after a certain amount of time +[5400.000 --> 5403.760] like after this immediately after I'd be taking things to the ground again just because the length +[5403.760 --> 5409.280] of time you're sat here I feel bad that we're not sitting on the ground it's okay again we can +[5409.280 --> 5416.960] squat after that's the beauty like I was on a flight for 11 and a half hours right and I'd get up +[5416.960 --> 5422.720] I'd get up regularly go to the back of the plane do the mobility sequence open my hips up do some +[5422.720 --> 5428.400] shoulder mobility squat you know I saw that on Instagram and then I hope you're out of an aisle seat +[5428.480 --> 5432.640] and then I'd go back to the seat no I managed to get extra leg room and I had a window seat +[5432.640 --> 5437.200] oh you did since you have to climb over somebody every time you wanted to get up every 20 minutes +[5437.200 --> 5441.120] yeah and as I explained you know the lady next to me is really demonstrating the you know the +[5441.120 --> 5448.560] behavior that was encouraged me even more it was like oh wow she's so yeah I would I would again just +[5448.560 --> 5452.800] I'd look at what you're doing within the environment and try and make small changes within it +[5452.800 --> 5457.280] rather than add too much to your day and I think that's where a lot of things fall down is we +[5457.280 --> 5461.520] think oh where we're going to find the time to do that so it's very simple to be able to slide a +[5461.520 --> 5466.960] chair away hold the edge of the desk do a few squats lifting your chest up and use the desk as an +[5466.960 --> 5471.440] anterior support a lot of the people I see don't just don't have the ankle function ankle mobility +[5471.440 --> 5476.960] to perform a squat so allow the heel to come up and just keep the shape and just drop onto your +[5476.960 --> 5481.280] haunches so it's almost like a straight body your butt will be resting on your heel and your knees +[5481.280 --> 5486.640] will be forward you just do a few rhythm little bounces in that position then stand again and then +[5486.640 --> 5491.280] you're ready to walk um other disciplines that we're going to we will cover just go through a few +[5491.280 --> 5495.440] kneeling positions that you can do on the ground and a little mobility sequence that you can play +[5495.440 --> 5499.920] with within that and again they're just rest positions like long sits or straddle sits and things +[5499.920 --> 5505.200] like that um the other thing for the upper body is I recommend for everyone to do is is put a bar +[5505.200 --> 5511.680] up to hang off so um hanging is even more ancient if you think them running right so it goes back +[5511.680 --> 5516.800] into what would be our primate foundation so if we go right down climb down that phylogenic tree +[5516.800 --> 5523.280] we get to the break-eating apes to how to restore and um open up the ribcage and open up the lungs +[5523.280 --> 5528.000] would be to basically just hang simple hanging systems so so you go through different hanging +[5528.000 --> 5532.640] positions and we have in the wrist the elbow the shoulder and your scapula your shoulder blade +[5532.640 --> 5539.600] we have all the same break-eating abilites as all the other apes um and I find people just some +[5539.600 --> 5543.360] people have trouble changing light bulbs now so it's really important to just keep nourishing that +[5543.840 --> 5548.080] age of center shoulder injuries I'd say for is through the lack of break-eation and then we try and +[5548.080 --> 5552.880] do things like dips in the gym but the scapula is internally rotated and raised then again it's +[5552.880 --> 5558.720] just blowing up the shoulder so hanging will help reset um all straight arm strength forget about +[5558.720 --> 5564.000] bent arm strength forget about pulling patterns just get used to being completely straight in the arm +[5564.000 --> 5569.520] then you'll post your hang from it again that will help mobilize the shoulder but it will also +[5569.840 --> 5573.680] open up the tendons the ligaments everything and even the arteries through that pathway +[5574.560 --> 5578.560] you'll lift your ribcage which will then make your breathing clearer and then you can play +[5578.560 --> 5583.680] once you're in that position you can start to go through active hangs so try and keep your arm straight +[5583.680 --> 5588.640] whilst lifting your chest up into your hands uh-huh so there's no bend in the elbow and that starts +[5588.640 --> 5593.440] to strengthen the lower trapezius which is in the mid back a lot of the disciplines that we see +[5593.440 --> 5598.960] are about mobilization and flexibility and you can do all the flexibility training you like you can do +[5599.120 --> 5602.720] amazing work for the mid back but if you don't have the strength to hold it there for the lower +[5602.720 --> 5609.280] trapezius gravity is going to take over what about doing pull-ups and chin-ups and great +[5609.280 --> 5614.480] those are pulling but great but on a um straight arm strength to begin with so there's +[5614.480 --> 5620.000] Edo Portel, you know Edo Portel's work yeah so he has a he has like a hanging tutorial thing um +[5620.640 --> 5625.120] and I would I would suggest that you basically set a timer so you can have a time I work with +[5625.120 --> 5630.080] clients they start might start with 10 minutes hanging um 10 seconds hanging and then they're off +[5630.080 --> 5634.480] the bar and then I give them 30 seconds rest then I go back up and then that goes to then I will +[5634.480 --> 5640.080] turn to 20 seconds 30 seconds and a minute and the way this this then starts to unravel is you +[5640.080 --> 5643.840] start to build a relationship it becomes a new habit so I'll give you an example of someone +[5644.400 --> 5652.720] who I coach who's 78 he's a old guy called you a hoody um he rocked up at my gym door when he was +[5652.720 --> 5661.440] 72 so six years ago and he was completely stooped scrunched up old posture um he brought natural +[5661.440 --> 5666.960] birthing into the UK wrote a book called Burt and Beyond to real manual for childbirth +[5666.960 --> 5674.400] amazing guy um but gravity and age were taking over um and so I'm only want to learn how to walk +[5674.400 --> 5680.080] and I was okay so it was a good place to skate off on the treadmill and so the age of 72 you +[5680.080 --> 5684.320] want to learn how to walk so I interest him right so what people up he went on the treadmill just +[5684.320 --> 5688.880] recorded him showed him as much oh my god I can't believe I look like that you know like I'll bet +[5688.880 --> 5693.200] over and these are these boxes that I was introduced by a coach called Lee and basically I've like +[5693.200 --> 5698.880] the it's the conscious competency model so I showed them the video and up until I recorded them +[5698.880 --> 5704.960] up until that point there unconsciously incompetent and then I showed them the video and now they're +[5705.440 --> 5709.680] consciously incompetent and then I go through the drills they need and then they become +[5709.680 --> 5715.440] consciously competent and then over time doing the same drills and the same method which we're going +[5715.440 --> 5719.120] what you're wanting me to break down what would I do that then becomes unconsciously +[5719.920 --> 5724.880] um and competent and that's how you learn the skill but remembering the next time you get +[5724.880 --> 5729.280] recorded you still be unconsciously incompetent so you keep feeding that so he he basically just +[5729.280 --> 5734.400] wanted to learn how to walk we go through walking go through that model with him um and I prescribe +[5735.120 --> 5739.840] footwork for rewilding the feet how to get the feet in the foot shape rather than a shoe shape +[5740.400 --> 5744.800] so his feet were compromised by 72 years of inappropriate footwear that were compromised in +[5744.800 --> 5750.240] the shape of the foot get that back then ground respositions so we then went through the various +[5750.240 --> 5755.840] different ground positions what I would prescribe for him and then hanging and that was it and then +[5755.840 --> 5762.720] he had a hanging bar in his home so this guy now um since then has climbed Everest Base Camp +[5763.200 --> 5773.520] Bhutan Mount Kenya Atlas Mountains um and and basically this is his morning routine so he wakes up now +[5773.520 --> 5779.680] in an air purified room trots downstairs gets to the office on the second floor hangs on the bar +[5779.680 --> 5784.400] goes into the office gets on the map does his mobility sequence has a standing desk answers +[5784.400 --> 5790.800] emails go downstairs preps his movie prebiotics probiotics symbiotics puts his v-vos on walks down +[5790.880 --> 5796.640] to the tube gets to the tube he doors open he gets on people usually say because he's 78 would you +[5796.640 --> 5800.960] like to see is like no I'm okay and up he goes he hangs on the bar so he hangs on the bars while +[5800.960 --> 5806.400] the tube's moving to feet off the floor tube stops doors open right next one next time a doors +[5806.400 --> 5811.280] close then he squats and he squats and then he does breath work so he does between breath work +[5811.280 --> 5815.760] hanging squatting and a bit surfing so surfing you don't hold onto anything you just try and get +[5815.760 --> 5820.720] your support on the train and that's at the age of 78 he just made small changes all the way along +[5820.720 --> 5827.120] and he's using his commute he's in a red a bear shape now you know and his spine straightened out +[5827.120 --> 5832.320] straightened out it's completely upright wow but looks at the difference is he's how he yet how he +[5832.320 --> 5837.760] looks now so he doesn't look like the 72 year old he looks you know he looks great he looks in +[5837.760 --> 5844.080] amazing shape and he's a newfound confidence within it it's kind of a beautiful act of humility +[5844.080 --> 5850.000] to walk in the air gym and say teach me how to walk too I think that that takes courage most people +[5850.000 --> 5857.040] wouldn't do that and it's interesting to think about walking as something that we might have to +[5857.040 --> 5862.000] learn or read learn like we were talking about this in the context of running like born to run +[5862.000 --> 5867.600] we're all born runners we don't think that we need any instruction it's all instinctual and intuitive +[5867.600 --> 5874.320] and I suppose on some level it is but through the means by which we live our lives in this western +[5874.320 --> 5881.760] industrialized society we've reshaped our bodies that have now created a situation in which +[5881.760 --> 5888.000] we probably do need to formally learn how to run and you just pointed out to me when we're out +[5888.000 --> 5893.440] in the trail like all these things that I'm not doing correctly but I could be doing better +[5893.440 --> 5900.800] because I'm unconsciously incompetent in certain aspects of what I do even though I've been doing +[5900.800 --> 5909.600] it for a long time and I've done it at a decent level yeah really decent but there's still so +[5909.600 --> 5915.840] much to learn you know and I know and I know I know that I'm not you know working at my capacity +[5915.840 --> 5923.040] because I've never had anybody formally instruct me in anything okay so if you're in an office +[5923.040 --> 5928.160] and your your HR department won't allow you to have a standing desk again you slide your chair +[5928.560 --> 5933.440] you do some squats I have a whole squat tutorial that we can we can send out to the listeners as well +[5933.440 --> 5937.920] yeah it's great like I'll put a link in the chat so we can do that and then that gives you some +[5937.920 --> 5944.160] tips as well with what you can be doing behind the desk 10,000 steps everyone loves banging on +[5944.160 --> 5950.240] about 10,000 steps but for me if you have 10,000 poor steps that might lead you to an injury it's +[5950.240 --> 5955.440] probably not the best model if you're wearing compromised footwear with a dodgy heel on a pointed +[5955.440 --> 5960.320] toe box it's not the best model so I would go most people are wearing those kind of shoes yeah I +[5960.320 --> 5966.000] would cut back and just so right okay what's the more natural environment for foot it's nature it's +[5966.000 --> 5971.760] creating a foot shaped shoe so go to minimal footwear there's some amazing brands are they've even +[5971.760 --> 5977.520] those one but there's others there's some primal office wear that's come through and it's trying to +[5977.520 --> 5982.240] basically even get into the feeling that it's not about running in those shoes it's about living +[5982.240 --> 5987.280] in those shoes and that will give you a great amazing foundation so if you're into all your disciplines +[5987.280 --> 5993.360] it could be Pilates yoga could be running what we're talking about any it will only enhance that those +[5993.360 --> 5997.680] disciplines will just get better because you'll be moving in the appropriate systems and creating the +[5997.680 --> 6001.840] right muscle action tendon actions for them which means the next day you can get up and do the same +[6001.840 --> 6009.360] thing without the tension all right everybody that's it we did it this masterclass was packed with +[6010.080 --> 6016.240] just an absolute battery of resources to spark to sustain and and to fully adopt movement and +[6016.240 --> 6021.920] mobility practices that are useful and most importantly meaningful to you but the biggest lesson +[6021.920 --> 6029.360] I took away from compiling this very special episode is that physically embodying a dream of +[6029.360 --> 6036.960] vision a belief or a purpose through movement is really the only way that you can and will +[6036.960 --> 6044.400] ever make a change because as I say relentlessly on this show mood follows action you cannot think +[6044.400 --> 6051.600] your way into anything you can only do something about it I truly believe movement isn't just a +[6051.600 --> 6058.720] physical practice that benefits the body it's actually a means of evolution because when we embrace +[6058.720 --> 6066.800] movement even in the smallest ways we open the door to a world of possibilities in my case a walk +[6066.800 --> 6074.240] led to a run which led to ultra endurance racing and ultimately to this entirely new life all +[6074.240 --> 6080.560] together so my hope is that this masterclass gives you the education and the inspiration and the +[6080.560 --> 6088.240] tools that you need to adopt a form of movement that brings you joy a mobility routine that nourishes +[6088.240 --> 6094.560] your body and that you discover something new about yourself your purpose and your meaning along +[6094.720 --> 6100.960] the way quick reminder that links to the full episodes for each of the individuals excerpted today +[6100.960 --> 6109.200] can be found in the show notes at ritual.com and in closing keep moving more exploring more joy and of +[6109.200 --> 6116.400] course always more plants peace but I must say diff --git a/transcript/podcast_lr6-GcG3t9Q.txt b/transcript/podcast_lr6-GcG3t9Q.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..531b92a092ebf2f2a83ae405e7c0b977e04f9b07 --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_lr6-GcG3t9Q.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1348 @@ +[0.000 --> 2.800] Too much eye contact affects interviewing, +[2.800 --> 5.200] allowing the person to drift off, +[5.200 --> 8.000] to be comfortable, to be reflective, +[8.000 --> 10.920] is often better than what you see on television. +[10.920 --> 13.840] It's actually easier to resist someone +[13.840 --> 15.080] when they're in front of you. +[15.080 --> 17.280] You know, it's easier to fend somebody off +[17.280 --> 18.680] than somebody's next to you. +[18.680 --> 21.640] Somebody's next to you, it's pretty tough to argue with them. +[21.640 --> 23.760] It's like, we're both on the same side. +[26.520 --> 28.920] Joe Navarro, welcome to the show. +[28.920 --> 30.600] Good to be here, Chris. +[30.600 --> 32.400] For the people who aren't familiar with you +[32.400 --> 35.880] and your background's, what have you gone +[35.880 --> 37.080] that's led you to this point? +[39.840 --> 43.240] Not very far, you know, 25 years in the FBI, +[43.240 --> 46.560] where I got to play as a SWAT team commander, +[46.560 --> 49.080] spy catcher and a bureau pilot. +[50.240 --> 52.840] I was the FBI's body language expert, +[52.840 --> 55.560] and then I retired and wrote 14 books. +[55.560 --> 58.520] And so not much. +[59.680 --> 64.200] Yeah, a colorful career path, I think you could say. +[64.200 --> 69.080] What are those different elements within the bureau there +[69.080 --> 71.520] for the people that haven't got to clear what you're talking about? +[71.520 --> 74.600] Yeah, well, you know, within the FBI, +[74.600 --> 76.720] we have a lot of subprograms. +[76.720 --> 80.240] So when I entered into the bureau, +[80.240 --> 82.760] I was already a licensed pilot, +[82.760 --> 84.880] and we were always in need of pilots +[84.880 --> 89.600] because we use aircraft as platforms for surveillance. +[89.600 --> 94.360] So I got to do that, and then they wanted volunteers, +[94.360 --> 99.600] which means I was pushed into going into the SWAT program +[99.600 --> 104.600] because sometimes you're up against some pretty dastardly groups. +[106.640 --> 111.640] And spent 14 years on a SWAT team in Puerto Rico and in Tampa, +[112.640 --> 116.640] and doing counterterrorism investigations. +[118.680 --> 122.160] But mostly, you know, I spent those 25 years. +[122.160 --> 125.480] So you can do other things within the FBI. +[126.840 --> 131.840] I was part of the National Security's behavioral program +[131.920 --> 135.800] which looked at human behavior. +[135.800 --> 139.000] And actually that's really what led me, +[139.960 --> 146.960] not only my spy catching, but led me to begin to write books. +[148.840 --> 153.360] And in fact, the first book that I wrote with Jack Schaefer +[154.920 --> 158.440] really was, I was getting ready to retire from the FBI +[158.440 --> 160.800] and people were saying, you know, +[160.800 --> 163.400] there's all this knowledge that you have, +[163.400 --> 165.400] but you're taking it with you. +[165.400 --> 166.640] Why don't you share it? +[166.640 --> 171.640] And I never intended to be a writer. +[173.680 --> 177.720] I, in fact, I often say I'm a writer, I'm an author, +[177.720 --> 178.840] I'm really not a writer. +[178.840 --> 181.360] I know what a good writer is. +[181.360 --> 183.800] I'm sure you know the difference, +[183.800 --> 188.800] but you know, all in all, it was a fantastic experience. +[189.680 --> 193.040] And obviously you learn a lot. +[193.040 --> 196.520] You know, I got to work with British intelligence. +[196.520 --> 199.600] I worked with German intelligence +[201.440 --> 203.520] and just different folks around the world. +[203.520 --> 206.880] It makes for an interesting career. +[206.880 --> 209.960] What's the difference between SWAT and Puerto Rico +[209.960 --> 211.120] and SWAT in Tampa? +[212.000 --> 217.240] Well, the difference was that each major city +[217.240 --> 220.000] has its own SWAT team. +[220.000 --> 222.960] And when I transferred to Puerto Rico, +[222.960 --> 227.120] there we were dealing mostly with counterterrorism. +[227.120 --> 230.200] When I came to Tampa, +[230.200 --> 233.920] then it became more in the area +[233.920 --> 238.120] of criminal activity, drug gangs +[239.160 --> 241.680] with a lot of firepower and so forth. +[243.000 --> 247.120] You know, Puerto Rico is a United States Commonwealth. +[247.120 --> 249.280] So we have jurisdiction there, +[249.280 --> 252.440] but it's just a matter of the kind of work +[252.440 --> 254.080] we were doing at the time. +[254.080 --> 256.320] There's a really interesting story +[256.320 --> 259.240] where you talk about you quite self-reflective +[259.240 --> 261.760] to deal with a challenge that you had +[261.760 --> 263.560] on the morning of quite a big operation. +[263.560 --> 264.880] Can you take us through that? +[266.080 --> 269.240] Well, yeah, it's, you know, +[269.240 --> 272.080] you think back of all the challenges +[272.080 --> 274.760] and that one was here in Tampa, Florida, +[274.760 --> 279.080] where we were getting ready +[279.080 --> 283.120] to do a SWAT operation. +[283.120 --> 286.280] And one of the things that you always are thinking about +[286.280 --> 290.840] is safety and have we covered all the bases. +[290.840 --> 293.840] And you know, you go down the mental checklist +[293.840 --> 295.800] of where's the nearest hospital +[295.800 --> 297.200] in case somebody gets hurt? +[297.200 --> 298.920] Where can we land a helicopter +[298.920 --> 300.560] or a series of helicopters +[300.560 --> 302.640] if somebody needs to be met a vacuum? +[302.640 --> 304.080] You know, it's a kind of things +[304.080 --> 308.840] that the British SAS would go through. +[308.840 --> 310.840] And I noticed that in the meeting, +[313.040 --> 316.080] you know, the questions that should have been asked +[316.080 --> 318.880] weren't being asked as quickly +[318.880 --> 323.880] and as efficiently as normal. +[324.160 --> 325.520] And one of the things you wanna do +[325.520 --> 328.560] is have an eye on all the troops +[328.560 --> 331.360] who's having a tough time, who's having a bad day +[331.360 --> 335.040] as anybody's mind off the game. +[335.040 --> 337.400] Just like in sports. +[337.400 --> 339.920] And finally, it just dawned on me +[339.920 --> 342.680] even though I was at the SWAT commander at the time. +[342.680 --> 345.840] I went to the boss in the office and I said, +[345.840 --> 348.320] I gotta take one of your players out. +[348.320 --> 353.160] He's not doing well and we had full confidence in me +[353.160 --> 355.040] and he said, yeah, have at it. +[355.040 --> 357.480] And I said, well, that's me. +[357.480 --> 359.400] I gotta take myself out. +[359.400 --> 362.960] I am, my mind is not where it should be. +[362.960 --> 364.720] I'm not responding to things. +[364.720 --> 365.880] I don't know what's wrong. +[366.720 --> 371.720] And so I talked about that in my book. +[374.160 --> 376.920] And I'm glad that I did it +[376.920 --> 381.240] because the number two guy took over, +[381.240 --> 384.120] everything went down, nobody got hurt. +[384.120 --> 386.840] But I had to be honest with myself +[386.840 --> 389.080] and have that conversation and say, +[389.080 --> 391.720] should I be here doing this? +[391.720 --> 395.040] And it was kind of humbling that all of a sudden. +[395.040 --> 397.160] And I think it can happen to any of us. +[397.160 --> 400.200] We can be physically not well. +[400.200 --> 402.160] We can be mentally not well. +[402.160 --> 405.040] And that day I was not mentally well. +[405.040 --> 408.720] And then I think a few days later, +[408.720 --> 412.320] it finally, you don't think about this. +[412.320 --> 415.160] My grandmother had passed away. +[415.160 --> 418.040] And a few weeks earlier, +[418.040 --> 420.120] and I think it was still bothering me. +[420.120 --> 422.680] And it affected me. +[422.680 --> 425.600] And I think these are the kinds of conversations +[425.600 --> 429.240] that I talk about in the book that we need to have +[429.240 --> 431.960] and say, do we really know ourselves? +[431.960 --> 433.800] Do we know our own weaknesses? +[433.800 --> 435.440] Do we recognize them? +[435.440 --> 438.240] And are we willing to challenge that? +[438.240 --> 441.120] And I think it's hard to do +[441.120 --> 443.680] because in an organization where you have +[443.680 --> 446.880] all these alpha males and alpha females, +[447.800 --> 449.680] and everybody's always gung ho +[449.680 --> 452.280] and willing to do anything and everything, +[453.240 --> 454.640] every once in a while, +[454.640 --> 458.200] you have to deal with the human factor. +[458.200 --> 463.040] And I think that was good for me +[463.040 --> 466.840] because I think it made me a better agent to deal +[466.840 --> 470.200] with other people when they had their own issues. +[470.200 --> 471.960] You must have had a very good relationship +[471.960 --> 473.520] with your superior to be able to go +[473.520 --> 474.520] and have that conversation. +[474.520 --> 477.080] You must have felt very comfortable with it. +[477.080 --> 480.200] Well, we had worked at that point. +[480.200 --> 483.600] We had worked several years together +[483.600 --> 486.920] and he had known me before. +[486.920 --> 488.400] And you develop confidence. +[488.400 --> 491.680] I mean, every operation you run, +[491.680 --> 494.440] you run by them and you go through the list +[494.440 --> 496.360] of what we're gonna do, how we're gonna do it, +[496.360 --> 497.920] what happens, for instance, +[497.920 --> 499.800] if they open up and fire on us, +[499.800 --> 504.120] what happens if they take a hostage and so forth. +[504.120 --> 508.360] And so you have that bond, +[510.600 --> 514.160] but it's not something that's always automatic. +[514.160 --> 519.160] And I was appreciative that he didn't force me to, +[520.520 --> 525.520] I think a lot of bad supervisors would have said, +[526.120 --> 529.480] well, you can do it, get tough, get in there and just do it. +[530.480 --> 534.360] And he knew when to push, he knew my limits, +[534.360 --> 537.040] but he knew that something wasn't right. +[537.040 --> 541.720] And that's, I talk about that also, +[541.720 --> 545.920] that one of the greatest attributes of a great leader +[545.920 --> 549.720] is the ability to observe the needs and the wants, +[549.720 --> 553.760] but also the fears and concerns of the people they lead. +[553.760 --> 556.400] And I think I look back on history +[556.680 --> 559.520] and you look at the great generals. +[559.520 --> 562.200] And I think that's one of the things that stood out +[562.200 --> 567.280] is that they had a sense of each and every player +[567.280 --> 571.840] and say, well, this unit or this man or woman can do that, +[571.840 --> 576.840] but we mustn't push too far at times. +[577.160 --> 582.160] And it goes to the concept that to lead +[582.360 --> 584.440] you have to be able to observe. +[584.440 --> 587.480] It's an interesting thought that it's not necessarily +[587.480 --> 588.960] the thing that you're running towards +[588.960 --> 590.120] that you always need to look out for. +[590.120 --> 591.960] It's the thing that you're running away from. +[591.960 --> 593.680] Like what is it that the people that are working +[593.680 --> 594.800] underneath you really fear? +[594.800 --> 598.880] Because improving motivation or increasing motivation +[598.880 --> 600.520] might get more output out of them, +[600.520 --> 602.600] but the thing which is going to completely ruin +[602.600 --> 605.120] the operation is the fear. +[605.120 --> 608.200] So getting that sort of first seems to be the priority. +[609.160 --> 610.960] You nailed it, Chris. +[610.960 --> 615.960] The thing that is never taught in any business school, +[619.080 --> 624.080] in any management school is that you have to identify +[624.400 --> 629.400] that which everyone may fear be concerned with. +[630.320 --> 634.880] And then the leader's role is to ameliorate that, +[634.880 --> 639.880] to diminish its capacity to divert, to injure, +[639.880 --> 644.880] to hurt or to cause people to quiver. +[648.600 --> 652.160] And that's one of the things that great leaders do. +[652.160 --> 655.960] And it doesn't matter whether you're talking about someone +[655.960 --> 660.960] in a home situation with a small group of five or six people +[661.120 --> 664.720] in a church or a military organization +[664.800 --> 669.800] or as a CEO is how do you get through this dilemma? +[669.960 --> 673.800] How do we attenuate fear? +[673.800 --> 676.320] One of the things we're seeing nowadays +[676.320 --> 680.040] is we're seeing a lot of leaders who in fact, +[680.040 --> 685.040] in flame fear, who not only at times create a fear, +[686.600 --> 691.600] but flame create an atmosphere where it's allowed +[691.600 --> 696.600] to be fertile and percolate to the surface. +[697.880 --> 702.880] Not realizing that the greatest leaders are always +[702.880 --> 704.880] ameliorating fear. +[704.880 --> 708.440] They're always pushing it down, getting it out of the way +[708.440 --> 712.960] because they know that number one, fear can turn into hatred +[712.960 --> 715.960] and fear can be paralyzing. +[715.960 --> 720.960] And so whether you're looking at the financial industry, +[722.600 --> 727.600] in 2008 and you look at those people who came forward +[729.280 --> 732.320] and sort of helped us through this and said, +[732.320 --> 735.200] we will deal with this problem a little bit at a time, +[735.200 --> 738.520] but we will deal with it while others were just +[738.520 --> 741.880] panning the flames of the world's gonna end. +[741.880 --> 743.880] That's not leadership. +[743.880 --> 746.520] That's the worst kind of leadership. +[746.520 --> 749.520] How do you define self-mustery? +[749.520 --> 751.080] That's a great question. +[751.160 --> 753.360] I think it's a combination of things. +[753.360 --> 758.360] I think it's number one, being in charge +[759.720 --> 763.920] of taking responsibility for, but also being in control +[763.920 --> 765.280] of your emotions. +[767.480 --> 772.480] I looked at so many historical examples +[773.320 --> 777.840] and realized that oftentimes what has derailed, +[777.840 --> 781.040] really smart people is their inability +[781.040 --> 782.800] to control their emotions. +[782.800 --> 786.720] That whether it was great coaches +[786.720 --> 791.720] or any number of individuals, great military leaders, +[792.400 --> 795.520] they were derailed by their emotions. +[795.520 --> 800.520] The second thing is the ability to focus enough +[802.520 --> 806.120] on those things that are important to you +[806.120 --> 811.120] so that you can then dedicate yourself to that. +[811.680 --> 816.520] I talk about Joseph Campbell in his great book, +[816.520 --> 821.120] The Power of Myth, and he famously said, +[822.280 --> 825.800] follow your bliss. +[825.800 --> 829.040] And a lot of people made fun of that +[829.040 --> 831.920] and they misunderstood what that meant. +[831.920 --> 835.400] It wasn't you were gonna sit yourself down on a chair, +[836.240 --> 839.880] on a sunny beach and your bliss was gonna come to you. +[839.880 --> 844.880] What he meant was that if you pursue that which you seek, +[845.480 --> 847.800] which if you focus on it, +[847.800 --> 852.800] if you create the scaffolding of experience reading, +[855.400 --> 860.400] reaching out to people that you can achieve that bliss +[861.120 --> 865.320] and that doors will be open to you. +[865.320 --> 870.320] I look at the American example of Benjamin Franklin +[870.480 --> 875.160] who arrives in Philadelphia with 15 cents in his pocket, +[876.120 --> 879.160] learns the trade of publishing, +[880.440 --> 884.000] becomes the postmaster general of the United States, +[884.000 --> 887.560] creates the first the fire department and then goes on +[887.560 --> 891.960] and becomes the first ambassador to France. +[891.960 --> 893.160] How do you do that? +[893.160 --> 894.880] I mean, what school do you go to? +[894.880 --> 897.640] There's actually no school now that you can attend +[897.640 --> 899.840] to that will teach you that. +[900.840 --> 904.240] But what he did was he created the scaffolding. +[904.240 --> 908.280] He, you know, in essence, +[908.280 --> 913.280] he created that whole apprenticeship program for himself +[915.840 --> 918.320] so that there would be no limits. +[918.320 --> 919.160] None. +[919.160 --> 921.120] If you go to France right now, +[921.120 --> 924.160] the only statute there is of an America, +[924.160 --> 926.680] his Benjamin Franklin. +[926.680 --> 928.120] He wasn't president. +[929.160 --> 933.840] He gifted to the world the lightning arrestor, +[933.840 --> 935.840] but beyond that, +[937.040 --> 941.600] you can create yourself into something and that's mastery +[941.600 --> 945.000] and it doesn't matter whether you're Jane Goodall +[945.000 --> 947.000] and you're 22 years old and you say, +[947.000 --> 947.880] you know what? +[949.120 --> 950.960] I want to be an ethylogist. +[950.960 --> 952.560] I'm gonna go to the jungle. +[952.560 --> 954.600] I don't have a degree. +[954.600 --> 956.840] She didn't have a degree. +[956.840 --> 958.640] She was a secretary. +[958.640 --> 961.640] She says, you know what, I'm gonna study primates +[961.640 --> 966.360] and became the premier mind in the world +[966.360 --> 968.120] in the subject of primates. +[968.120 --> 969.760] She's the first to tell us, +[969.760 --> 973.240] hey, not for nothing, but these little guys use tools. +[973.240 --> 976.520] Isn't that how we define mankind? +[977.520 --> 980.560] I mean, it was a shock. +[980.560 --> 983.880] She didn't let anything get in her way. +[983.880 --> 988.240] That's what you can achieve when you have self mastery. +[988.240 --> 989.560] So self mastery. +[989.560 --> 992.680] Sorry, self mastery is a combination of removing fear +[992.680 --> 995.200] and then focusing intently on the thing that you want to do. +[996.160 --> 998.000] It's that. +[998.000 --> 1000.960] It's controlling your emotions, +[1000.960 --> 1005.000] but being able to focus on the things that are important to you +[1005.160 --> 1010.160] and then creating an apprenticeship program for yourself. +[1012.080 --> 1015.560] 10 years ago, Chris, you weren't doing this. +[1015.560 --> 1018.720] You created this for yourself. +[1018.720 --> 1020.560] You worked hard at it. +[1020.560 --> 1025.560] You, you, you know, I'm sure you made plenty of mistakes, +[1026.320 --> 1029.360] but you got to where you are at +[1029.360 --> 1032.240] by creating this, +[1032.240 --> 1037.240] by having that proper scaffolding one bid at a time. +[1037.880 --> 1041.720] Nobody's, nobody's said, oh, here's, here's a memo. +[1041.720 --> 1045.000] Follow it and you'll, you'll be interviewing Joan of +[1045.000 --> 1048.200] Ardor Chris Voss or somebody else. +[1048.200 --> 1050.200] You did that on your own. +[1050.200 --> 1052.680] And, and that's what the book is about +[1052.680 --> 1055.920] that exceptional individuals, +[1055.920 --> 1059.640] they don't have to follow a particular regimen. +[1059.640 --> 1062.040] They can create their own regimen +[1062.040 --> 1064.840] and that is true self mastery. +[1064.840 --> 1068.400] Yeah, it's, it's a strange thing to think about +[1068.400 --> 1071.400] permissionless apprenticeships as they're called online +[1071.400 --> 1073.680] where somebody does just strike out on their own. +[1073.680 --> 1075.480] Let's say that there's someone listening who thinks, +[1075.480 --> 1077.920] yeah, I know that I'm ready to make a change. +[1077.920 --> 1081.080] I know that I'm not in the place that I want to be. +[1081.080 --> 1084.800] How does someone set out on the first step of an apprenticeship +[1084.800 --> 1087.920] because I think that's probably going to be the hardest one? +[1088.920 --> 1091.640] That's a, that's a great question. +[1091.640 --> 1095.000] You know, experience teaches me that, +[1095.000 --> 1098.640] you know, I think now it's actually a lot easier. +[1098.640 --> 1102.280] I, you know, you can go on YouTube +[1102.280 --> 1106.040] and do everything from figure out how to tune your car +[1106.040 --> 1111.040] to swap out your bathroom appliances. +[1112.800 --> 1116.520] I think it's so much easier now when I started +[1116.520 --> 1120.880] in the area of non-verbals in 1971, 72. +[1120.880 --> 1124.200] There were maybe one or two books on body language. +[1124.200 --> 1128.080] Now there's an infinite, an infinite number. +[1128.080 --> 1130.840] So I think it's a matter of taking advantage +[1130.840 --> 1135.840] of what resources exist, but also reaching out. +[1135.840 --> 1141.040] I admire people who, who don't hesitate to reach out +[1141.040 --> 1143.160] and say, hey, I'm starting out. +[1143.160 --> 1147.120] Can you, you know, can you give me a few tips? +[1147.120 --> 1148.880] Just the other day I was talking to somebody +[1148.880 --> 1153.040] and I said, you've been working for the government +[1153.040 --> 1155.640] for 25 years, you're going out on your own. +[1155.640 --> 1157.000] Here's a few tips. +[1157.000 --> 1160.120] Number one, get yourself a nice business card. +[1160.120 --> 1162.040] Don't put too much information on it. +[1162.040 --> 1167.040] Just your name, email address, and a phone number. +[1167.440 --> 1170.400] And a phone number. +[1170.400 --> 1171.240] And that's it. +[1171.240 --> 1175.240] Don't label yourself as to what you will do or not do. +[1175.240 --> 1177.680] Number one, number two, if you have a website, +[1177.680 --> 1182.680] don't take good care of it and don't change your email address +[1184.200 --> 1189.120] every six months as you go from AOL to Yahoo to Roadrunner +[1189.120 --> 1190.720] and whatever. +[1190.720 --> 1193.600] Little bit of advice, very simple. +[1193.600 --> 1197.000] The guy came back to me later and he said, +[1197.000 --> 1201.120] you're right, those things were important. +[1201.120 --> 1204.720] We can always find someone that will help us. +[1205.880 --> 1210.120] And there's nothing wrong with reaching out to others +[1210.120 --> 1212.520] and just ask, how did you do it? +[1212.520 --> 1215.160] Hey, if I came to you and say, Chris, how did you do it? +[1215.160 --> 1217.520] You've got such a successful program. +[1217.520 --> 1219.560] And I'm sure you could say, well, you know, +[1219.560 --> 1222.240] the first thing you do is you humble yourself +[1222.240 --> 1224.600] and you say, I don't know what I'm doing, +[1224.600 --> 1226.320] but I'm gonna learn. +[1226.320 --> 1229.640] And then make the sacrifices. +[1229.640 --> 1234.640] One of the things that I find is people have grand ideas +[1234.640 --> 1237.640] but they don't know how to pay the price. +[1237.640 --> 1238.760] They don't know how. +[1239.840 --> 1244.840] To focus, to study, to rehearse, +[1246.600 --> 1250.880] to do things so that you become better at it. +[1251.840 --> 1254.880] Just the other day, a student was asking me, you know, +[1254.880 --> 1258.520] well, I find writing very difficult. +[1258.520 --> 1260.720] I find writing very difficult. +[1261.680 --> 1266.240] And I asked him, well, how many times did you edit +[1266.240 --> 1267.360] what you're working on? +[1267.360 --> 1271.240] And he says, oh, I must have edited it two times. +[1271.240 --> 1272.640] I go, wow. +[1272.640 --> 1277.640] I said, do you know how many times I re-edited my complete book? +[1278.600 --> 1283.600] It's 26 times from start to finish. +[1283.800 --> 1287.960] And it could probably use even more. +[1287.960 --> 1292.000] I said, that's the price that, you know, you have to pay. +[1292.960 --> 1296.640] You say, you know, you go to see a play Hamilton. +[1296.640 --> 1297.880] Wow, fantastic. +[1297.880 --> 1300.200] Tickets are expensive, yeah, they're expensive. +[1300.200 --> 1302.040] How many times did they rehearse? +[1302.040 --> 1305.400] 47 times before anybody saw them. +[1307.320 --> 1309.600] And that's what most people aren't, +[1309.600 --> 1313.040] that price is what people aren't willing to pay. +[1313.080 --> 1315.920] But the swimmers that go out there +[1315.920 --> 1319.480] and work on their technique, the cellist that goes out +[1319.480 --> 1324.280] and perfects the technique, the person that, like you, +[1324.280 --> 1328.720] sits in front of the screen and evaluates themselves +[1328.720 --> 1331.200] and says, how can I do this better? +[1331.200 --> 1333.800] They're gonna be the soonest winners. +[1333.800 --> 1336.440] They're willing to pay the price. +[1336.440 --> 1339.880] And that's part of mastery. +[1340.880 --> 1344.160] And it's, and it's, you know, people say, +[1344.160 --> 1347.240] well, it can be, it can't be done. +[1347.240 --> 1351.040] And my argument is, it can be done. +[1351.040 --> 1354.760] The question is your dedication to them. +[1354.760 --> 1356.560] One of the things that I learned a couple of years ago +[1356.560 --> 1359.840] that was so interesting was the difference between +[1359.840 --> 1363.160] having a dream that you like the idea of +[1363.160 --> 1365.720] and having a goal that you're prepared to achieve. +[1365.720 --> 1368.720] So a lot of people have, the dream of, +[1368.720 --> 1370.240] that's a being a rock star. +[1370.240 --> 1371.640] But they don't actually like the idea of +[1371.640 --> 1373.680] gigging on the road or practicing playing guitar +[1373.680 --> 1374.920] and having calluses on their hands +[1374.920 --> 1377.120] and reading sheet music and having to go through +[1377.120 --> 1379.800] tons and tons of shitty bandmates and deal with record deals +[1379.800 --> 1382.480] and deal with crap managers and sleep in a van and do this. +[1382.480 --> 1383.720] It's like, well, hang on a second. +[1383.720 --> 1385.760] You just said that you wanted to be a rock star. +[1385.760 --> 1388.280] But like this is being, that's what being a rock star +[1388.280 --> 1390.880] is. It's all of that shit until you finally get +[1390.880 --> 1393.560] to play Wembley Arena or somewhere in Vegas. +[1393.560 --> 1395.840] That's the price that you are paying for this. +[1395.840 --> 1397.560] And a lot of the time, I think, +[1397.560 --> 1399.520] people would not put the hand in their pocket +[1399.520 --> 1402.200] and pay the price that they think they would be prepared +[1402.200 --> 1404.440] to pay for the dreams that they have. +[1404.440 --> 1407.960] It's the ones where you're actually able to get reality +[1407.960 --> 1411.440] to meet up with your pursuit where you end up making progress. +[1412.440 --> 1414.480] Yeah, I think you're exactly right. +[1414.480 --> 1417.960] We want to be John Lennon, right? +[1417.960 --> 1422.960] With 10 number one hits under our belt. +[1423.240 --> 1427.280] You don't realize number one, how many songs he wrote +[1427.280 --> 1428.600] that never made it. +[1428.600 --> 1431.360] You don't realize how many songs they threw away. +[1431.360 --> 1435.760] You don't realize the Beatles, how much time they spent +[1435.760 --> 1438.200] crossing the channel, going to Germany, +[1438.200 --> 1441.920] playing in these little clubs where, on a good night, +[1441.920 --> 1444.840] they would get 60 to 80 people. +[1445.840 --> 1449.240] And, you know, they were being paid, I think, +[1450.360 --> 1455.360] less than $60 in relative dollars for performing. +[1455.400 --> 1459.200] And they were sleeping through three to a room. +[1459.200 --> 1462.640] And it's not a pleasant life. +[1464.240 --> 1467.040] Everything comes at a price. +[1468.440 --> 1471.680] But if one thing instructed me, +[1471.680 --> 1475.840] and I'm sure you read it, you saw the story in the book +[1475.840 --> 1480.840] of this woman who does this needle work, +[1480.840 --> 1482.880] and I found her in Brazil. +[1483.520 --> 1485.040] And she was, no, no, no, no, +[1485.040 --> 1487.000] over South America for her needle work. +[1487.000 --> 1488.840] And she was blind. +[1488.840 --> 1491.640] She was blind and she was doing needle work. +[1491.640 --> 1495.480] And she had taught herself to thread count +[1495.480 --> 1499.200] with her fingertips, just like if you would read Braille. +[1499.200 --> 1501.320] And she could read the material. +[1501.320 --> 1506.320] And then, I mean, it was just being in her presence +[1507.520 --> 1510.840] was a wonderful experience. +[1511.840 --> 1514.160] This is what she wanted to do. +[1514.160 --> 1516.400] This is how she provided for her family. +[1516.400 --> 1519.200] And she was the best. +[1519.200 --> 1524.200] And she didn't let anything get in her way. +[1525.560 --> 1530.560] But again, is what price are you willing to pay? +[1532.080 --> 1535.600] Observation is like your specialist subject, right? +[1535.600 --> 1537.560] So let's say that we've got a beginner +[1537.560 --> 1539.800] who's never looked at non-verbals before. +[1539.840 --> 1542.520] What are the main things that somebody should be looking for? +[1543.520 --> 1546.760] Well, you know, obviously the face is the one thing +[1546.760 --> 1551.320] that we always notice. +[1551.320 --> 1554.480] Something so simple as, you know, when we like someone, +[1554.480 --> 1559.000] we arch the eyebrows, we say, hey, yeah, that's right. +[1559.000 --> 1561.600] So we emphasize with the eyes, Chris, +[1561.600 --> 1564.600] when you struggle with something, your eyelids come down +[1564.600 --> 1566.320] and they stay down for a little bit. +[1566.320 --> 1568.480] And that lets us know that, yeah, +[1568.560 --> 1570.640] you're struggling with that. +[1571.880 --> 1575.120] You know, our lips tend to compress. +[1575.120 --> 1578.920] One, we're struggling with something or we're in disagreement. +[1578.920 --> 1580.800] We purse our lips forward. +[1581.760 --> 1584.360] When we've made up our mind quite often, +[1584.360 --> 1588.720] we do jaw shifting when we have doubts. +[1588.720 --> 1591.760] Like, oh, yeah, right, mate. +[1591.760 --> 1593.480] You know, that sort of thing. +[1594.400 --> 1597.360] There's just, you know, there's so many things, +[1597.360 --> 1601.520] the little area between the eyes called the globella. +[1601.520 --> 1604.680] We furrow that when we don't understand something +[1604.680 --> 1606.520] or we're in disbelief. +[1606.520 --> 1609.040] There's all sorts of things about the body, +[1609.040 --> 1612.440] but one of the things, for instance, +[1612.440 --> 1616.080] the feet are actually one of the most honest parts +[1616.080 --> 1620.400] of the body because our feet don't have a contract. +[1620.400 --> 1623.200] So socially, if you smile, I smile. +[1623.200 --> 1625.360] So there's a social contract. +[1625.360 --> 1628.480] Almost everywhere in the world where Chris smiles, +[1628.480 --> 1630.280] I have to smile back, right? +[1630.280 --> 1631.840] But your feet don't. +[1631.840 --> 1634.200] If you don't like somebody, +[1634.200 --> 1636.240] often you'll see them enter a room +[1636.240 --> 1638.200] and they'll go, hey, how are you? +[1638.200 --> 1640.920] But the feet are facing away. +[1640.920 --> 1644.720] And we, the Olympic brain, +[1644.720 --> 1646.920] this more primitive area of the brain +[1646.920 --> 1649.440] that's really quite exquisite, +[1649.440 --> 1653.080] doesn't allow us to front things +[1653.080 --> 1654.560] that might be harmful to us. +[1654.560 --> 1656.920] So we turn it away. +[1656.920 --> 1660.040] And you'll see it with like little two-year-old kids. +[1660.040 --> 1662.080] They'll go, I don't want to talk to you. +[1662.080 --> 1666.080] It's like, well, nobody taught them that. +[1666.080 --> 1667.640] And yet they do it. +[1667.640 --> 1672.640] So there's those things or, +[1674.440 --> 1677.560] you'll see the comasher touching, right? +[1677.560 --> 1679.880] So these are the comasher of the mouth. +[1679.880 --> 1681.920] The corner's ill go. +[1681.920 --> 1683.560] Yeah. +[1683.560 --> 1685.560] You know that there's an issue. +[1685.560 --> 1688.400] There's a concern in their mind. +[1688.400 --> 1690.920] So we reveal a lot. +[1690.920 --> 1693.840] They said, obviously, this has nothing to do with deception. +[1693.840 --> 1696.880] We know that there's no single behavior +[1696.880 --> 1698.320] indicative of deception. +[1699.280 --> 1704.040] But it does give us clues as to what the person may be thinking. +[1704.040 --> 1706.560] And that's always useful. +[1706.560 --> 1708.720] What about proximity from someone? +[1709.720 --> 1713.360] That's a big issue because now we know +[1713.360 --> 1717.640] because of the pandemic that people want more space. +[1717.640 --> 1724.160] Proximix has more to do with culture and personal preferences. +[1724.280 --> 1728.640] So in Latin America, I come from Cuba. +[1728.640 --> 1731.680] And in Cuba, we stand very close to each other. +[1731.680 --> 1734.560] We touch each other a lot and so forth. +[1734.560 --> 1736.760] And then you go to Norway and Sweden, +[1736.760 --> 1741.480] which I have been and people stand further apart. +[1741.480 --> 1744.080] There's less touching and so forth. +[1744.080 --> 1749.080] So and that's a huge factor when you're trying to establish +[1753.760 --> 1758.040] a relationship is if you're constantly violating +[1758.040 --> 1763.040] somebody's space, then basically you're making them uncomfortable. +[1764.040 --> 1767.520] And that is not... +[1769.520 --> 1772.840] That just doesn't work over the long run +[1772.840 --> 1777.040] because all you can think about is, come on, buddy, back up. +[1779.440 --> 1785.040] You know, the brain says certain things is very binary. +[1785.040 --> 1787.240] We're either comfortable or uncomfortable. +[1787.240 --> 1790.840] If you get in an elevator and somebody gets too close to us, +[1791.040 --> 1795.480] you know, we start ventilating, we start touching our neck, +[1795.480 --> 1799.240] we do all sorts of things. +[1799.240 --> 1803.120] And it's the same thing that happens when we're in an argument. +[1803.120 --> 1805.440] And after the argument is over, +[1805.440 --> 1808.520] that's when you think of all the clever lines you should have said. +[1808.520 --> 1810.360] But in the argument, you can't think of it +[1810.360 --> 1815.360] because your brain is dealing with the arguing, the emotions. +[1815.720 --> 1820.720] And yeah, so we have to be mindful of space +[1824.080 --> 1826.480] and even where we look at each other, right? +[1826.480 --> 1829.320] Because you can look at somebody so intensely +[1829.320 --> 1831.720] that it makes them nervous. +[1831.720 --> 1836.720] Women often complain that, you know, men have to be reminded +[1838.720 --> 1840.040] that stay up here. +[1840.560 --> 1844.480] You know, you're not, you're not norad. +[1844.480 --> 1847.240] Your radar doesn't have to be all over the landscape +[1847.240 --> 1848.880] just right here, guys. +[1848.880 --> 1851.920] And I agree. +[1851.920 --> 1856.920] I, you know, in fact, the research shows that in a social setting +[1857.640 --> 1861.600] or a business setting, it really needs to stay just within +[1861.600 --> 1865.920] this area to make people comfortable. +[1865.920 --> 1866.960] So yeah. +[1866.960 --> 1869.720] How can people strengthen their powers of observation, then? +[1869.720 --> 1873.480] Let's say it's someone that isn't used to paying this much attention. +[1875.360 --> 1878.680] Well, I mean, that's a great question. +[1878.680 --> 1880.720] And it's one that I'm often asked and I say, +[1880.720 --> 1886.160] well, obviously, buy my books and so forth. +[1886.160 --> 1889.360] But that's just too easy. +[1889.360 --> 1891.920] There's several things that I've done over the years. +[1891.920 --> 1896.760] And one is, obviously, I've studied the literature. +[1896.760 --> 1898.840] I've written some of the literature, +[1898.840 --> 1903.840] but one of the things that I personally do is I try to watch films +[1904.320 --> 1906.080] from different cultures. +[1906.080 --> 1911.080] So big on my list are from Brazil, Korea, +[1912.680 --> 1916.400] Persian films I love, Turkish films, +[1916.400 --> 1921.400] Egyptian films and films from Mexico. +[1922.920 --> 1926.800] And some Japanese films. +[1926.800 --> 1931.800] And I watch them to study the body language +[1933.480 --> 1937.320] and to become more focused on the little subtle nuances, +[1938.200 --> 1942.160] something so simple as greeting behaviors, +[1942.160 --> 1946.680] turn yielding behaviors, who can look at whom +[1947.960 --> 1951.200] and validating that most of the non-verbals +[1951.200 --> 1953.440] that really matter are universal. +[1953.520 --> 1958.000] I mean, a smile is a smile, a nose wrinkle, right? +[1958.000 --> 1959.600] I mean, I've seen that in Japan. +[1959.600 --> 1960.800] I've seen it in Korea. +[1960.800 --> 1963.560] I've seen it in Iran. +[1963.560 --> 1968.560] So, you know, so I studied it that way, +[1968.720 --> 1971.680] but there are little tricks you can do. +[1972.720 --> 1974.760] So that can really help you. +[1974.760 --> 1979.040] One of the ones that I use is every once in a while +[1979.040 --> 1981.080] when I go outside, +[1981.080 --> 1985.600] I will do a quick scan and say, +[1985.600 --> 1988.280] okay, how many white cars, how many gray cars, +[1988.280 --> 1990.800] how many red cars, +[1990.800 --> 1995.800] and sort of work my way through that +[1995.800 --> 1999.280] as I go through a parking lot as I'm driving in. +[1999.280 --> 2003.520] And then as I'm walking away to, I'll say, okay, I was right. +[2003.520 --> 2007.640] There were two whites, one gray, one black. +[2008.600 --> 2012.600] And like any skill observation is a skill set +[2014.800 --> 2016.680] that you have to work at. +[2016.680 --> 2019.440] For two years, while I was in Puerto Rico, +[2019.440 --> 2021.600] they wanted me to be a supervisor. +[2021.600 --> 2026.600] And it didn't destroy, but it certainly hampered. +[2026.960 --> 2030.440] Once I went off the desk and was back on the street, +[2031.400 --> 2033.320] I could immediately tell the difference +[2033.320 --> 2036.200] of how much slower I was at observing. +[2037.800 --> 2041.840] Because on a desk, you look at, +[2041.840 --> 2044.920] you're doing this whole day out there, +[2044.920 --> 2048.120] you have to have situational awareness. +[2048.120 --> 2051.080] You forget that you're supposed to scan, right? +[2051.080 --> 2055.280] You're supposed to scan the world around you +[2055.280 --> 2058.520] and not focus on one little thing at a time. +[2058.520 --> 2062.320] So training yourself to do the quick scan +[2062.320 --> 2067.320] so you can read a whole room is something that we teach. +[2068.120 --> 2070.640] And you can become better at it. +[2070.640 --> 2073.200] You mentioned earlier on about emotions +[2073.200 --> 2075.920] and one of the elements that you identify +[2075.920 --> 2078.720] in good communication is the primacy of emotions. +[2078.720 --> 2081.160] Is that the same as controlling your emotions? +[2081.160 --> 2084.000] That what's the goal that we're trying to get through here? +[2084.000 --> 2085.360] That's a good question. +[2085.360 --> 2090.360] Let's differentiate from a biological +[2091.600 --> 2095.600] as well as a evolutionary perspective. +[2095.600 --> 2100.480] There had to be a quick efficient system to protect us. +[2100.480 --> 2104.440] And that became our emotional system. +[2104.440 --> 2109.000] And I say that because the emotional system +[2109.000 --> 2112.560] has actually very little thinking going on. +[2112.560 --> 2116.080] So if all of a sudden, I were to, +[2116.080 --> 2118.080] if we were in the same room, Chris, +[2118.080 --> 2121.040] and somebody brought it in a Bengal tiger, +[2121.040 --> 2125.640] we would probably stand or sit very still. +[2125.640 --> 2128.840] We would kind of like not move. +[2128.840 --> 2132.040] We just, do you see that beast? +[2132.040 --> 2134.960] Well, you know, I just don't say anything, right? +[2136.720 --> 2141.240] This is your emotional brain working, +[2141.240 --> 2145.240] which says in the face of fear, +[2145.240 --> 2148.200] in the face of a threat, freeze. +[2148.200 --> 2149.760] The freeze response kicks in. +[2149.760 --> 2151.360] People think it's fight or flight. +[2151.360 --> 2154.160] It's not. It's freeze flight fight. +[2155.200 --> 2159.960] And so there's the primacy of emotions. +[2159.960 --> 2164.360] If I walk by you and throw a punch, +[2164.360 --> 2167.160] well, if you had to think about it, +[2167.160 --> 2168.880] you know, and say, well, you know, +[2168.880 --> 2171.360] I'm built better than Joan of R.O. +[2171.360 --> 2173.960] My arm, you know, I've got Chris Williamson +[2173.960 --> 2176.080] has guns in his arms. +[2176.080 --> 2179.720] Joe's an old man, you know, you're doing the math. +[2179.720 --> 2183.720] I know you're having a visual. +[2183.720 --> 2185.400] You really don't want to count. +[2185.400 --> 2190.440] And if we had evolved that way, +[2190.440 --> 2191.680] we'd all be dead. +[2191.680 --> 2194.440] We'd be thinking, is that a friendly snake +[2194.440 --> 2195.920] or is it ill tempered? +[2197.320 --> 2201.760] So our brain is kind of hectic. +[2201.760 --> 2206.760] It evolved to deal with the emotional security stuff first +[2207.280 --> 2208.680] and foremost. +[2208.680 --> 2212.120] And that's why when we're stressed, +[2212.120 --> 2214.200] we forget where the keys are. +[2214.200 --> 2216.320] And we forget the clever lines +[2216.320 --> 2218.400] because emotions have primacy. +[2218.400 --> 2220.280] Now, having said that, +[2220.280 --> 2224.760] that doesn't mean that we can't take control of our emotions. +[2224.760 --> 2228.880] What that means is when we have the opportunity, +[2228.880 --> 2231.560] which is different, when we have the opportunity +[2231.560 --> 2236.560] to reflect, to deal with emotional situations, +[2236.560 --> 2241.040] you know, you have a child that does something wrong. +[2241.040 --> 2243.520] Okay, they're going to do things wrong. +[2243.520 --> 2247.720] How do I deal with that rather than fly off the handle? +[2247.720 --> 2249.080] That's the difference. +[2249.080 --> 2252.480] Where you have an opportunity to assess +[2252.480 --> 2257.720] the emotions of the moment versus something that's reactive. +[2257.720 --> 2259.720] I mean, if a car's coming at you, +[2259.720 --> 2263.560] you're not going to be able to think too much about that. +[2263.680 --> 2268.680] That's where, and, you know, containing impulsiveness, right? +[2271.880 --> 2274.320] There's a lot of people that are impulsive. +[2274.320 --> 2275.320] You know, you ask them, +[2275.320 --> 2277.080] well, how much savings do you have? +[2277.080 --> 2279.920] Well, I haven't been able to save any money. +[2279.920 --> 2284.920] Well, yeah, but you're spending more money on your car than, +[2285.000 --> 2287.720] so they're very impulsive with certain things. +[2288.680 --> 2290.040] And that's part of it too, +[2290.040 --> 2292.400] is is raining yourself in. +[2292.400 --> 2298.120] And that's emotional mastery. +[2298.120 --> 2299.640] Yeah. +[2299.640 --> 2303.920] It's so unfortunate that the high-pressure situations +[2303.920 --> 2306.920] that we get ourselves into are the ones where our physiology +[2306.920 --> 2309.320] makes our brains so ill-prepared for it. +[2309.320 --> 2312.120] So you do a big event, you've got a big talk coming up. +[2312.120 --> 2314.080] It's your first one, a lot's on the line. +[2314.080 --> 2316.000] You really, really need to nail this. +[2316.000 --> 2318.280] And then the night before you don't sleep +[2318.280 --> 2320.760] because you're terrified and you wake up the next morning +[2320.760 --> 2321.760] and you're unprepared. +[2321.760 --> 2325.200] And what's happening in the body and the brain +[2325.200 --> 2327.360] when we're going through that sort of pressure situation? +[2327.360 --> 2330.200] It's an awkward conversation with a partner or a boss +[2330.200 --> 2332.000] or there's something that we're concerned about. +[2332.000 --> 2332.880] What's happening to us? +[2333.840 --> 2338.840] What's happening to us is you literally are. +[2339.080 --> 2341.640] It's an electrochemical imbalance. +[2341.640 --> 2346.640] You are your serotonin levels may be down. +[2347.880 --> 2350.080] You probably haven't been sleeping. +[2350.080 --> 2351.280] You haven't been eating right. +[2351.280 --> 2353.280] So your sugar levels are off. +[2355.440 --> 2358.960] Your cortisol is flowing because you're having +[2358.960 --> 2363.960] this difficult conversation or your nervous or your tense. +[2364.120 --> 2369.440] And people forget the human brain is the most complex thing +[2369.440 --> 2371.440] in the universe without question. +[2371.440 --> 2375.600] The sun, that's easy to explain. +[2375.600 --> 2379.960] The human brain, we have no idea what's going out. +[2379.960 --> 2383.440] We don't even know how memories are really built. +[2383.440 --> 2389.440] Synapses are reaching out to axioms, all sorts of things. +[2391.920 --> 2397.160] We respond to the world around us. +[2401.080 --> 2405.680] For the most part, we have a certain amount of control +[2405.680 --> 2407.120] but it can be overwhelming. +[2407.120 --> 2408.600] And I've been in those situations. +[2408.640 --> 2412.400] Oh my gosh, you're going to do your first TED talk. +[2413.200 --> 2415.400] How's that going to go over? +[2415.400 --> 2418.240] And you worry. +[2418.240 --> 2421.320] But then you start to think, wait a minute. +[2421.320 --> 2424.280] This is where mastery comes in. +[2424.280 --> 2426.280] What do I know? +[2426.280 --> 2430.280] Well, anyone in the audience know as much +[2430.280 --> 2432.800] about this topic as I will. +[2432.800 --> 2436.600] How many people have arrested a spy here? +[2436.640 --> 2439.520] How many people have arrested seven or eight spies? +[2439.520 --> 2443.520] How many people have listened in on the conversations +[2443.520 --> 2447.120] of the mafia, the Joe Bonanel family in New York? +[2447.120 --> 2452.120] How many people have investigated 25 homicides in two years? +[2453.560 --> 2457.760] And then you realize, okay, okay, start to settle down. +[2457.760 --> 2461.480] These people have an experience, what you've experienced. +[2461.480 --> 2465.360] You know, it's, well, why if there's PhDs in the audience? +[2465.400 --> 2469.520] How many of them have interviewed 13,000 people? +[2470.960 --> 2475.640] You know, then you start to say to yourself, +[2475.640 --> 2477.960] and everybody can do this. +[2477.960 --> 2479.040] What do I know? +[2479.040 --> 2480.520] How do I know it? +[2480.520 --> 2482.600] Have I rehearsed it? +[2482.600 --> 2487.080] And then you can sort of will yourself back up +[2487.080 --> 2488.640] to where you really belong? +[2488.640 --> 2490.720] Because it's easy to crush yourself and say, +[2490.720 --> 2493.240] oh my God, there's going to be 600 people there. +[2493.320 --> 2496.160] And these people are my equals and they know stuff. +[2499.600 --> 2504.600] But yeah, you can resuscitate yourself if you need to. +[2504.800 --> 2509.800] And sometimes, you know, it's overwhelming that I say, +[2512.160 --> 2514.920] find a wall and push it. +[2514.920 --> 2519.320] Just push it, just push that wall. +[2519.320 --> 2522.080] And one of the interesting things that happens is +[2522.120 --> 2525.320] that in the effort to push that wall, +[2526.360 --> 2530.120] that you're forcing your muscles +[2530.120 --> 2533.640] to then send signals to the brain, +[2533.640 --> 2538.640] which then begin to create that homeostasis +[2539.440 --> 2543.720] that we need because your brain can only handle so many things. +[2543.720 --> 2547.560] And if you're sitting there pushing just as hard as you can, +[2547.560 --> 2550.840] your brain really can't do two things at once. +[2550.840 --> 2554.160] It's strange that because we have the same reaction +[2554.160 --> 2558.120] innately when we stop our toe or you get kicked in the shin +[2558.120 --> 2561.480] because the reason that you rub it is because the brain struggles +[2561.480 --> 2566.280] to send the sensation of both pain and rubbing at the same time. +[2566.280 --> 2567.520] Exactly. +[2567.520 --> 2572.520] And if you get kicked in one leg and then get kicked in the other, +[2572.520 --> 2575.880] trust me, I've played American football. +[2575.880 --> 2577.760] The first one you forget about, +[2577.760 --> 2580.400] it's the second one that takes over. +[2580.440 --> 2583.320] It's the same technique that we teach for instance, +[2583.320 --> 2587.440] people who all of a sudden are having a panic attack +[2587.440 --> 2592.440] and you say squeeze the nerve that lies here +[2593.120 --> 2597.720] between the comasher of the index finger and the thumb. +[2597.720 --> 2602.240] There's a nerve there that if you squeeze it really hard, +[2602.240 --> 2604.520] it's extremely painful. +[2606.120 --> 2610.360] And all of a sudden, if you do that for about 10 or 12 seconds, +[2610.680 --> 2614.360] and you hold that, all of a sudden you find yourself, +[2614.360 --> 2615.920] where's my anxiety? +[2615.920 --> 2617.760] Where has that gone? +[2617.760 --> 2621.160] I had a brain that's is handling one thing at a time. +[2621.160 --> 2622.960] I had a really interesting experience with this. +[2622.960 --> 2626.560] I came off a moped in Bali because I'm an awful tourist +[2626.560 --> 2629.600] that can't ride bikes and hit the deck, +[2629.600 --> 2633.480] grazed all one side of me, but because I'm a bro, +[2633.480 --> 2635.120] I decided that we were going to go to the beach club +[2635.120 --> 2636.520] in any case and the lads that I was with +[2636.520 --> 2637.600] would clean me up when we were there. +[2637.600 --> 2639.000] So we stopped in a pharmacy, +[2639.000 --> 2641.760] continued onto the beach club as basically one entire side +[2641.760 --> 2643.160] of me is covered in blood. +[2643.160 --> 2645.360] And we sat down and I had a beer and they were like, +[2645.360 --> 2647.960] look, right, we'll get started with this. +[2647.960 --> 2651.560] So I had shoulder, elbow, knee and top of foot. +[2651.560 --> 2655.600] And that was in order of ascending extremity as well. +[2655.600 --> 2657.520] So it was worse, the foot was the worst than the knee, +[2657.520 --> 2659.400] then so the guys were going through it +[2659.400 --> 2662.960] and they had alcohol swabs, they had iodine +[2662.960 --> 2664.040] and then they had dressing. +[2664.040 --> 2665.920] So we're going to do all of this in the middle of a beach club, +[2665.920 --> 2667.160] which is an experience. +[2667.160 --> 2671.080] And you're right, like each time that they did it, +[2671.080 --> 2673.680] it was the most painful thing that I'd ever felt. +[2673.680 --> 2675.840] And anyone that's listening that's never had alcohol +[2675.840 --> 2679.760] in an open wound, it is, it burst through the ceiling +[2679.760 --> 2681.680] of what I thought my nerves could communicate. +[2681.680 --> 2683.480] I thought, I understand what pain is, +[2683.480 --> 2685.360] I understand the amount of signals +[2685.360 --> 2687.880] that a part of my body can send to my brain. +[2687.880 --> 2688.920] Nah, fuck off. +[2688.920 --> 2691.400] This can go completely through the ceiling. +[2691.400 --> 2694.560] So it's like putting a cigarette out on your skin. +[2694.560 --> 2696.240] Dude, it was insane. +[2696.240 --> 2698.160] So he does the first one and I'm like, +[2698.160 --> 2700.680] this is, I can't believe how painful this is. +[2700.680 --> 2701.960] And then he puts a bit of dressing on +[2701.960 --> 2704.800] and then the next one happens and the first one stopped. +[2704.800 --> 2707.520] And it was kind of interesting to see +[2707.520 --> 2710.880] that sort of discreet pain receptor going. +[2710.880 --> 2713.400] Also, the funniest part of it, whenever I look back, +[2713.400 --> 2715.280] the guy that was doing it was being very kind +[2715.280 --> 2717.360] to it, I'd ruined at least an hour of our day +[2717.360 --> 2718.400] because I'd come off this bike +[2718.400 --> 2720.000] and he was going to have to spend his time +[2720.000 --> 2721.400] as opposed to speaking to the pretty girls +[2721.400 --> 2724.080] in the beach club he was going to have to clean me up. +[2725.000 --> 2727.160] As he was doing it, he knew it was hurting me +[2727.160 --> 2729.120] and I was like grit in my teeth +[2729.120 --> 2731.440] and like continuing your drink beer in between it. +[2731.440 --> 2733.080] And all that he kept on saying was, +[2733.080 --> 2735.040] I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. +[2735.040 --> 2736.560] And I was like, yeah, I know, but you have to do it. +[2736.560 --> 2737.400] So just keep on doing it. +[2737.400 --> 2738.400] I appreciate you doing this. +[2738.400 --> 2740.560] He's like, yeah, I know, but I'm just so sorry. +[2740.560 --> 2742.680] I'm just inflicting pain on me +[2742.680 --> 2744.720] in the middle of this beach club. +[2744.720 --> 2748.960] So yeah, I see that and the way that it happens. +[2748.960 --> 2751.040] Another thing there, that got to a point +[2751.040 --> 2752.840] when he did my foot, which was basically +[2752.840 --> 2754.520] the entire top of my foot had come off. +[2755.520 --> 2757.560] It was so painful that I started laughing. +[2759.240 --> 2761.360] That was the level of pain that it got to. +[2761.360 --> 2763.000] I burst out laughing. +[2763.000 --> 2764.760] It almost didn't hurt because I was like, +[2764.760 --> 2768.200] this is so painful, it's ridiculous. +[2768.200 --> 2769.520] It's absolutely absurd. +[2769.520 --> 2770.600] It's insanity. +[2770.600 --> 2771.640] Totally absurd. +[2772.600 --> 2775.040] Yeah, for some reason I started laughing, which was. +[2775.040 --> 2777.360] Yeah, that's interesting. +[2777.360 --> 2782.360] Yeah, by the way, I was also a medic in the Bureau. +[2782.640 --> 2784.880] Don't put alcohol on an open wound. +[2786.880 --> 2789.640] Dealing with people that were rigors +[2789.640 --> 2791.280] that had taken a first aid course, +[2791.280 --> 2793.360] talking to someone that's never taken any. +[2793.360 --> 2795.120] So they were doing their best. +[2795.120 --> 2797.000] Did you, did you, did I just hear you right, +[2797.000 --> 2798.440] say that you were part of the team +[2798.440 --> 2800.520] that surveilled the banana crime family? +[2802.080 --> 2805.480] Yeah, one of the things that happens in the bureaus, +[2805.480 --> 2807.400] we only have so many agents. +[2807.400 --> 2811.720] So every once in a while, you're, I think you would say +[2812.600 --> 2817.600] in the UK, you would be seconded to another group. +[2818.240 --> 2822.760] And for about a year, I was, I was loaned or seconded +[2822.760 --> 2826.920] to the group that was working on the Joe Bonano. +[2826.920 --> 2829.880] And so here's all these made guys who years later, +[2829.880 --> 2832.520] you would, you would be watching the sopranos +[2832.520 --> 2834.440] and they said, yeah, that's how they talked. +[2835.600 --> 2838.520] You know, they'd be, yeah, forget about it. +[2838.520 --> 2840.800] Which one was, how was that one bugged? +[2840.800 --> 2843.560] Was that the one in the house or the one in the car? +[2844.320 --> 2849.320] Oh, the, well, that one, I don't talk about in the book. +[2850.840 --> 2855.280] What the banana family was doing was, +[2855.280 --> 2859.400] they were going to, this was in the 80s, +[2859.400 --> 2861.800] so there were still a payphones. +[2861.800 --> 2864.760] So they would go to payphones around the city +[2864.760 --> 2868.280] and they would call each other using payphones, +[2868.280 --> 2871.440] thinking that the FBI wasn't sophisticated. +[2872.840 --> 2877.840] We had what's called a roving warrant +[2878.280 --> 2883.280] that basically we would intercept what was going on +[2884.800 --> 2889.800] at the main junction of AT&T or whoever it was. +[2891.840 --> 2894.880] And, and then we would, we would say, okay, +[2894.920 --> 2897.120] they're calling this number. +[2897.120 --> 2900.840] And then the warrant applies to this phone number. +[2900.840 --> 2903.400] So they would, they would be sitting there with quarters, +[2903.400 --> 2906.240] dropping quarters, thinking, oh, this is really smart. +[2906.240 --> 2910.600] And we're sitting there, you know, with, with recording equipment, +[2912.560 --> 2913.720] getting at all. +[2914.560 --> 2917.800] But I'll tell you what, you really learn about, +[2917.800 --> 2920.760] about morality and the lack thereof. +[2920.760 --> 2922.840] I mean, they're talking about either, +[2922.880 --> 2924.640] well, we either bribe the witness +[2924.640 --> 2926.920] or we just grab one of their family members +[2926.920 --> 2927.840] and torture them. +[2927.840 --> 2929.440] I'm just like, wow. +[2930.880 --> 2933.120] It's like these people have no morals. +[2933.120 --> 2935.440] That just bothered with outcomes. +[2935.440 --> 2936.560] That's all they cared about. +[2936.560 --> 2937.560] That's all they cared about. +[2937.560 --> 2939.840] I mean, there's a scene in one of the, +[2940.960 --> 2944.400] in a movie about the mafia where you see these guys, +[2945.800 --> 2947.000] just for the sake of it, +[2947.000 --> 2949.320] they're trying to take a part a parking meter, +[2949.320 --> 2954.320] which probably has maybe $5 worth of quarters in it. +[2954.680 --> 2958.600] And they were relentless in things like this. +[2958.600 --> 2962.680] It didn't matter as long as it was an illegal way +[2962.680 --> 2963.600] of getting money. +[2963.600 --> 2967.360] They would spend hours on it, not realizing that, +[2967.360 --> 2972.080] if you value yourself at, let's say, $5 an hour, +[2972.080 --> 2974.800] this is actually money coming out of your pocket. +[2974.800 --> 2976.680] It didn't matter to them. +[2976.680 --> 2978.400] As long as it was illegal. +[2978.400 --> 2982.720] That's so they were all so seduced by the idea +[2982.720 --> 2986.400] of a criminal activity that it blinded them +[2986.400 --> 2988.640] sometimes to the actual outcomes that they were getting +[2988.640 --> 2989.480] from it. +[2989.480 --> 2990.320] That's interesting. +[2990.320 --> 2992.520] If they had opened a pizzeria, +[2992.520 --> 2997.520] they would have probably made a $1.10 on a dollar +[3000.360 --> 3001.200] investment. +[3001.200 --> 3004.040] They'd be making money, but they didn't want to be legitimate. +[3004.040 --> 3007.360] For them, working was illegitimate. +[3007.360 --> 3012.360] And they would do anything to work against it. +[3013.560 --> 3015.120] But interesting. +[3015.120 --> 3016.960] Let's say that someone's having a conversation +[3016.960 --> 3020.800] with an interlocutor and it's getting a little bit heated +[3020.800 --> 3023.880] or you can't really get that other person to communicate +[3023.880 --> 3025.120] in an effective way. +[3025.120 --> 3027.480] What are some of the strategies that people could use +[3027.480 --> 3029.960] to improve their communication in that situation, +[3029.960 --> 3031.840] to kind of de-escalate it, to bring it down +[3031.840 --> 3034.320] and to start getting everyone at the table again? +[3035.280 --> 3038.720] Are you going to try this at one of the football games there? +[3038.720 --> 3040.440] That's not going to happen. +[3040.440 --> 3042.000] I work in a lot of nightclubs, though. +[3042.000 --> 3043.760] So I stand on the front door of a lot of nightclubs +[3043.760 --> 3045.920] and very many times people say, +[3045.920 --> 3046.960] why am I not coming in? +[3046.960 --> 3048.800] Why it's because you don't have any identification? +[3048.800 --> 3050.360] Well, I've got a photo of it on my phone. +[3050.360 --> 3051.600] I'm sorry, I can't accept that. +[3051.600 --> 3054.000] Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. +[3054.000 --> 3059.720] This is such a big issue now because we seem to be more +[3059.720 --> 3060.560] intolerant. +[3060.560 --> 3063.720] We seem to be lacking the social skills +[3063.720 --> 3065.560] that we once had. +[3065.560 --> 3068.280] One of the things that I try to tell people +[3068.280 --> 3074.080] is that distance always helps angling away. +[3074.080 --> 3079.160] So this is very intense, but if you angle away, +[3079.160 --> 3083.440] if you can create some space, even something +[3083.440 --> 3089.280] as subconscious as doing an artificial cathartic exhale, +[3089.280 --> 3092.640] where you go, right? +[3094.240 --> 3099.160] Just doing that exhale, let's see other person know +[3099.160 --> 3103.000] at a subconscious level that things need to calm down. +[3103.000 --> 3108.000] I learned that trick when I was going through a paramedic training +[3108.000 --> 3112.440] at Roosevelt Road's Naval Hospital in Puerto Rico. +[3112.440 --> 3117.160] And the ER doctor said he didn't remember where he had learned it. +[3117.160 --> 3119.800] He said, but a lot of times you come in +[3119.800 --> 3122.280] and the family members are all upset +[3122.280 --> 3125.640] because their son or daughter is injured. +[3125.640 --> 3129.000] And he says, I just found that by exhaling, +[3129.000 --> 3131.360] taking a deep breath and exhaling, +[3131.360 --> 3134.960] then it somehow got other people to calm down. +[3134.960 --> 3136.720] And I've used it ever since. +[3136.720 --> 3141.720] I didn't create this, but I've certainly used it. +[3141.720 --> 3146.320] And there's something about that that helps to calm things down. +[3146.320 --> 3149.240] The other thing is that antagonizes us +[3149.240 --> 3152.560] is too much eye contact. +[3152.560 --> 3155.600] So reducing the eye contact. +[3155.600 --> 3160.440] So as you said, you're working at the front door, +[3160.440 --> 3165.000] maybe looking over the person or just around the nose area, +[3165.000 --> 3171.880] but not that direct eye contact sometimes helps. +[3171.880 --> 3178.120] But there are people who either have so much alcohol in them, +[3178.120 --> 3183.800] or they're just really emotionally unstable. +[3183.800 --> 3186.360] And you just have to be aware that there +[3186.360 --> 3190.480] are limits to what we can do, to the softer voice, +[3190.480 --> 3196.840] to the deeper voice, whether we say stop with our fingers +[3196.840 --> 3201.800] together or we spread them out, and say, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, slow down. +[3202.240 --> 3204.640] It doesn't work that way. +[3204.640 --> 3206.880] There's things we can do. +[3206.880 --> 3210.000] It's a baptism of fire doing de-escalation on the front door of a nightclub. +[3210.000 --> 3215.800] The degree to which people's rationality has been completely divorced is, +[3215.800 --> 3217.720] it's a sight to behold, man. +[3217.720 --> 3223.920] Girls tend to get either indignant or hysterical. +[3223.920 --> 3227.320] If they've been typical, one is they've had a bit too much to drink, +[3227.320 --> 3229.520] or they've been caught inside doing something that they shouldn't, +[3229.520 --> 3233.360] and they get brought out by the door staff, and the door staff take them outside, +[3233.360 --> 3235.480] and say, look, that's you for the night time. +[3235.480 --> 3237.560] You're not coming back into this venue tonight. +[3237.560 --> 3239.760] And what happens is the guys that stand on the front door, +[3239.760 --> 3242.560] so the door staff that stand next to me and my boys, +[3242.560 --> 3246.280] they're the ones that deal with the yapping for however long it is. +[3246.280 --> 3250.200] And yeah, there tends to be a bunch of different reactions from guys. +[3250.200 --> 3256.840] It'll be usually trying to give some sort of rational explanation +[3256.840 --> 3259.120] to try and appeal to the rationality of the door staff, +[3259.240 --> 3261.400] and then if that doesn't work, it goes to insults. +[3261.400 --> 3268.920] Girls tend to, in my experience, be quite indignant and can't believe that it's happened, +[3268.920 --> 3270.640] and then it turns into hysterics. +[3270.640 --> 3273.560] And this is, when people have had too much to drink, +[3273.560 --> 3276.720] there's nothing that you can say. +[3276.720 --> 3280.480] So all of the best ideas in the world as you're talking about here, +[3280.480 --> 3282.040] they just simply go out of the window. +[3282.040 --> 3284.560] There really isn't much that you can do. +[3284.560 --> 3287.200] Yeah, then you're really limited. +[3287.200 --> 3293.640] Now you've got, if you're lucky, it's alcohol, +[3293.640 --> 3300.560] if you're dealing with people that are on some bizarre homemade drug, +[3300.560 --> 3307.560] it can be really scary because sometimes they present as having no fear. +[3307.560 --> 3310.240] They don't mind escalating. +[3310.240 --> 3313.040] You basically have not talking to a person anymore. +[3313.040 --> 3316.480] The rules and the procedures that you have in your head +[3316.480 --> 3319.720] aren't the game that that person is playing anymore. +[3319.720 --> 3327.040] Well, we see that with these, I guess, the term that's often used at these games, +[3327.040 --> 3331.840] these hooligans, who, I mean, they're almost reptilian. +[3331.840 --> 3335.080] They just want to fight scratch, hurt, +[3337.120 --> 3340.840] and they really have almost no conscience. +[3340.840 --> 3346.080] And I've seen it where, one eight hours earlier, +[3346.080 --> 3351.200] they were fine, and now they're so inflamed that, +[3351.200 --> 3354.880] and it doesn't help that they're surrounded by their buddies that are... +[3354.880 --> 3355.960] Crowd mentality. +[3355.960 --> 3359.440] Crowd mentality plus a little bit of an ebriation is a hell of a drug. +[3359.440 --> 3360.480] Hell of a drug. +[3360.480 --> 3364.080] It's scary. It can be scary. +[3364.080 --> 3367.440] I talked to a woman once who was the door person. +[3367.440 --> 3370.320] She was, we call them the bouncer. +[3370.320 --> 3374.880] And she, in fact, +[3374.880 --> 3377.280] I talked to her not that long ago, +[3377.280 --> 3380.240] but she had told me this story two years ago, +[3380.240 --> 3384.720] and she said, yeah, once they start drinking, it's a problem. +[3384.720 --> 3390.080] But, you know, I try to address it as early as possible. +[3390.080 --> 3393.680] That, when I'm in that line, +[3393.680 --> 3396.080] I don't wait till they're right in front of me. +[3396.080 --> 3402.080] If I can begin to address things while they're still further behind, +[3402.080 --> 3407.680] I will say, no, so and so, +[3407.680 --> 3410.400] you know that you're barred from this, +[3410.400 --> 3412.720] that don't even bother coming in. +[3412.720 --> 3415.520] So she tries to address it as far out, +[3415.520 --> 3417.280] and she's not a... +[3417.280 --> 3419.200] You know, she's slight, built woman, +[3419.200 --> 3421.760] but, you know, she, as we say, +[3421.760 --> 3425.200] she's a tough-as-woodpecker lips. +[3425.200 --> 3429.200] You don't want to piss her off. +[3429.200 --> 3430.080] That works really well. +[3430.080 --> 3432.240] So we have a dormant doing what we call scanning. +[3432.240 --> 3433.520] So he'll move up and down the queue. +[3433.520 --> 3434.960] A lot of our events are for students. +[3434.960 --> 3437.840] And then sometimes there'll just be a group of guys +[3437.840 --> 3440.240] on a stag party that are 40 years old. +[3440.240 --> 3441.920] And the guy will just move down the queue, +[3441.920 --> 3444.640] and we'll try and get them before they get to the front. +[3444.640 --> 3445.760] Because when you're at the front, +[3445.760 --> 3446.480] there's... +[3446.480 --> 3448.160] It almost feels like a stage. +[3448.160 --> 3449.680] So the pressure's turned up a little bit, +[3449.680 --> 3451.200] and if you have to turn people away there, +[3451.200 --> 3453.360] plus they've wasted more time standing in the queue, +[3453.360 --> 3455.760] which makes them predisposed to be a bit pissy. +[3455.760 --> 3459.040] So yeah, we use that, and it works. +[3459.280 --> 3460.600] It seems to work really well. +[3460.600 --> 3465.040] Talking about having someone angle their body away, +[3465.040 --> 3467.840] I'm friends with a guy called Dr. Stu McGill, +[3467.840 --> 3471.280] who's the world's expert in lower back pain, +[3471.280 --> 3474.440] incredibly good physician, unbelievable. +[3474.440 --> 3477.320] And he, I went to go and see him in Canada. +[3477.320 --> 3478.960] I went to go and get an assessment off him after I'd had him +[3478.960 --> 3480.240] on the show, and I went and stayed with him, +[3480.240 --> 3481.320] and went fishing and stuff. +[3481.320 --> 3483.920] And when he sat me down, he gave me like the full Monty +[3483.920 --> 3486.600] of his experience when you do an assessment. +[3486.640 --> 3489.560] And the way that he has his living room constructed +[3489.560 --> 3490.880] is that he has a single chair, +[3490.880 --> 3492.680] a very nice comfortable single chair, +[3492.680 --> 3494.240] and that's where the client sits. +[3494.240 --> 3498.400] And then he has an adjacent, so forward and to the side, +[3498.400 --> 3499.840] he has a couch. +[3499.840 --> 3501.680] So it's like an L, but there's no L on it. +[3501.680 --> 3503.080] And you're sat at the foot of the L, +[3503.080 --> 3504.920] and he's sat on the upright part, +[3504.920 --> 3506.800] and then directly opposite where you're sat, +[3506.800 --> 3510.160] he's got a fireplace, and the fireplace is always on. +[3510.160 --> 3512.240] And he was talking to me afterward, +[3512.240 --> 3514.640] and he'd said that throughout all of his time +[3514.640 --> 3517.640] there's a clinician testing and split testing, +[3517.640 --> 3520.840] and trying to get people to open up about their imbalances +[3520.840 --> 3522.440] and the way that they move and stuff like that. +[3522.440 --> 3525.480] He found that by having them sat looking forward, +[3525.480 --> 3528.240] looking at a fireplace, and him just sat to one side, +[3528.240 --> 3530.240] still speaking to them, still facing them, +[3530.240 --> 3531.800] but not directly facing them, +[3531.800 --> 3534.880] he found that that really got people to open up. +[3534.880 --> 3538.440] It's interesting that you have that same insight as well. +[3538.440 --> 3543.120] Well, I would add even this further, +[3543.120 --> 3545.680] and I agree with that completely. +[3547.480 --> 3549.800] One of the things that I had to do was +[3549.800 --> 3553.720] to get people to confess to being spies. +[3553.720 --> 3558.120] That's a tough job because all the evidence is overseas. +[3559.440 --> 3563.600] And the Russians, they weren't particularly keen +[3563.600 --> 3565.680] on helping us out, so they're not gonna give us +[3565.680 --> 3566.720] the evidence back. +[3566.720 --> 3571.720] So getting people to confess was not easy, +[3572.240 --> 3577.240] but what I found was that the most success I had +[3579.200 --> 3583.000] was not interviewing people in an office setting +[3583.000 --> 3584.520] or in an interview room. +[3585.600 --> 3588.600] First of all, most interview rooms aren't designed +[3588.600 --> 3591.360] by people who know anything about interviewing, +[3591.360 --> 3593.840] so you see them sitting across from each other. +[3595.320 --> 3599.840] Most of the espionage interviews that I did +[3599.960 --> 3604.640] without exception were usually in hotel rooms +[3604.640 --> 3606.920] that we rented for that purpose, +[3606.920 --> 3611.240] and we always sat either on a couch +[3611.240 --> 3614.600] or a combination of couch and chairs, +[3614.600 --> 3617.240] but we never sat across from each other. +[3617.240 --> 3619.160] We always sat at angles. +[3620.000 --> 3624.800] And I was criticized a lot by a lot of the old timers, +[3624.800 --> 3626.960] and they would say, well, just bring them in +[3626.960 --> 3628.960] and you know, sit them in a cross from you, +[3629.800 --> 3630.800] and you don't understand. +[3630.800 --> 3631.640] I'm not. +[3632.560 --> 3634.440] Yeah, you don't understand. +[3634.440 --> 3639.440] I'm doing interviews that will last six, seven hours, +[3640.240 --> 3645.240] and I want this person to open up, +[3645.360 --> 3648.800] and that's how I did it. +[3651.200 --> 3655.840] I understood, as I'm sure your doctor friend understood, +[3655.840 --> 3660.840] that too much eye contact affects interviewing, +[3661.080 --> 3664.120] that allowing the person to drift off, +[3664.120 --> 3669.120] to be comfortable, to be reflective is often better +[3669.920 --> 3674.920] than what you see on television. +[3674.920 --> 3678.520] And I still teach that when I teach interviewing, +[3678.520 --> 3682.320] I say, please do not sit directly in front. +[3682.320 --> 3685.720] It's actually easier to resist someone +[3685.720 --> 3687.920] when they're in front of you, right? +[3687.920 --> 3693.080] You say, no, and I say, no, you're telling me no? +[3693.080 --> 3695.560] You know, it's easier to fend somebody off +[3695.560 --> 3697.880] than somebody's next to you. +[3697.880 --> 3701.760] Somebody's next to you, it's pretty tough to argue with them. +[3701.760 --> 3704.440] It's like, well, we're both on the same side, +[3704.440 --> 3709.440] and that's what I tried to create, that, you know, look, +[3710.160 --> 3712.720] the documents are already on the other side. +[3712.720 --> 3715.080] That's already taken place. +[3715.080 --> 3717.000] Now, how do we work our way through this? +[3717.000 --> 3719.320] Because the federal government's not gonna go away. +[3719.320 --> 3721.680] The FBI's not going away. +[3721.680 --> 3725.240] I'm not going away, and you're sitting next to me. +[3725.240 --> 3728.800] So how do we move forward? +[3728.800 --> 3731.720] It was always amazing to me how people are willing to, +[3731.720 --> 3735.840] okay, well, we somehow have to work our way through this, +[3735.840 --> 3738.240] where if you put them in front, +[3738.240 --> 3741.040] oh, it's so much easier to resist somebody. +[3742.800 --> 3744.800] How can people become better at small talk? +[3746.680 --> 3750.640] That's tough for me because I'm actually an introvert, +[3750.640 --> 3755.640] and I find, you know, groups a challenge. +[3758.400 --> 3761.800] The easiest way is do not talk about yourself. +[3761.800 --> 3765.320] I, when I'm at a party or with a group, +[3765.320 --> 3768.080] I don't wanna talk about myself. +[3768.080 --> 3769.840] I know what I've done. +[3769.840 --> 3772.160] I really don't. +[3772.160 --> 3775.000] What I wanna know is what do you do? +[3775.000 --> 3777.320] What are you interested in? +[3777.320 --> 3781.560] There's a park nearby here, and sometimes I'll take the dog +[3781.560 --> 3783.960] there, and I wanna know what everybody does. +[3783.960 --> 3787.000] And I'm fascinated that one guy's an attorney, +[3787.000 --> 3789.360] but he's really into photography. +[3789.360 --> 3794.600] The other one is a grandmother, and she's really into her +[3794.600 --> 3797.320] grandkids more than she is into her own daughter. +[3798.280 --> 3799.960] That's what I wanna know about. +[3799.960 --> 3802.360] I wanna know about them. +[3802.360 --> 3805.480] I wanna know all the little things that they found, +[3805.480 --> 3808.920] what movies they're watching, and so forth. +[3808.920 --> 3813.520] I think it's really easy if you can just, +[3813.520 --> 3817.680] at some point, turn it so that we're talking about them. +[3819.880 --> 3821.400] I think it's a little harder for me +[3821.400 --> 3823.800] because somebody will say, oh, this is Joan of Auro, +[3824.320 --> 3829.320] he's an author, and I don't wanna talk about that. +[3829.320 --> 3834.200] I really wanna talk about what other people... +[3834.200 --> 3835.040] What if you think... +[3835.040 --> 3838.640] ...someone who is another you, though, +[3838.640 --> 3840.920] because then you're gonna ask them questions about them, +[3840.920 --> 3842.560] and they're gonna go, I don't wanna talk about me, +[3842.560 --> 3846.000] John, I wanna know about you and your illustrious history. +[3846.000 --> 3847.160] Yeah, so... +[3847.160 --> 3848.000] Stale match. +[3848.000 --> 3850.000] So, yeah, you have to have a backup plan, +[3850.000 --> 3853.600] and that backup plan is, I'll find one story +[3853.600 --> 3858.600] that I've told before, and I consider it my giveaway. +[3858.960 --> 3862.840] And I said, well, one of the more interesting things +[3862.840 --> 3866.760] was this de facto, we were trying to get him to de facto, +[3866.760 --> 3871.760] and I sat down with him, and we were going back and forth, +[3872.200 --> 3873.760] and he didn't wanna leave. +[3873.760 --> 3878.440] He was on the other side of the Warsaw Pact. +[3880.040 --> 3883.320] I still can't reveal what country he was in, +[3883.320 --> 3885.320] we were sitting there in a hotel room, +[3885.320 --> 3888.520] and finally, I just grabbed his hand, +[3888.520 --> 3891.400] he was an older gentleman, and I said, +[3891.400 --> 3895.240] listen, I understand completely, I would be scared too, +[3895.240 --> 3897.320] and I don't know what drove me, +[3897.320 --> 3902.320] because I think I was only 29 years old at the time, +[3902.440 --> 3907.440] I just continued to hold his hand, and he began to cry. +[3907.560 --> 3911.160] And he said, +[3911.160 --> 3916.160] I can't continue to live this lie, and that's when he defected. +[3918.560 --> 3919.920] It's a good story. +[3919.920 --> 3921.880] That's a good way to start a... +[3921.880 --> 3926.520] Well, you know, it was something that was different, +[3926.520 --> 3929.680] it's a story, people think, oh, you came through the door, +[3929.680 --> 3933.080] you threw in a flashbang, boom, breach her in, boom, +[3933.080 --> 3936.240] send the dog, boom, send the tear gas in. +[3936.240 --> 3937.920] Now we prance in, and now... +[3937.920 --> 3939.880] And hold it on me. +[3939.920 --> 3943.760] Yeah, that's what spy catching is all about, +[3943.760 --> 3946.840] is human behavior. +[3947.840 --> 3951.320] Yeah, but you gotta be careful with your audience, +[3951.320 --> 3953.040] but I'll tell you, in the book, you know, +[3953.040 --> 3954.800] you probably read the story, +[3956.920 --> 3959.400] where I'm in San Francisco, +[3959.400 --> 3961.680] and they're announcing on the radio, +[3961.680 --> 3963.680] who just won the Boston Marathon, +[3963.680 --> 3968.680] and once again, it was somebody I think from Kenya, +[3969.080 --> 3973.680] or Ethiopia, one of those great runners from that were, +[3973.880 --> 3976.680] and the guy driving it, he says, +[3976.680 --> 3977.760] do you mind if I listen? +[3977.760 --> 3979.960] I, you know, I'll go ahead and listen. +[3979.960 --> 3983.680] And he says, he's from my tribe, and you know, +[3984.680 --> 3989.120] and the rest of the day, as he drove me around, +[3989.120 --> 3994.120] was listening to him talking about how he grew up +[3995.120 --> 4000.120] in that part of the world, which I know so very little about, +[4001.960 --> 4005.120] and then he revealed something that was really eye-opening. +[4005.120 --> 4007.960] And to this day, it's one of the most worship conversations +[4007.960 --> 4010.360] that I ever had, because I didn't talk about, you know, +[4010.360 --> 4013.320] I didn't say, oh, you know, I'm here in San Francisco, +[4013.320 --> 4014.800] because I'm gonna give a big talk. +[4014.800 --> 4019.240] I didn't want, I wanted to listen to this cab driver, +[4019.240 --> 4022.040] who then said the most interesting thing I've ever heard, +[4022.040 --> 4027.040] and I said, why do so many people from this part of the world +[4027.440 --> 4029.120] are such great runners? +[4029.120 --> 4032.960] And he said something that just rattled me, +[4032.960 --> 4036.400] and he said, we didn't have newspapers, +[4036.400 --> 4040.760] or magazines, or radios, and I go, what? +[4040.760 --> 4042.520] You know, I'm figuring, he's gonna say, +[4042.520 --> 4045.520] well, we have great genetics, and you know, +[4045.520 --> 4049.080] we, our tribes are isolated. +[4049.080 --> 4051.880] And he said, we didn't know what world records +[4051.880 --> 4054.880] were, so we just ran fast everywhere. +[4056.480 --> 4057.640] Think about that. +[4058.640 --> 4060.880] We just ran until we dropped that. +[4063.160 --> 4064.960] That's brilliant, mate. +[4064.960 --> 4067.360] That hits it right on the nail. +[4067.360 --> 4069.640] If you don't know what the goal is, +[4069.640 --> 4071.040] if you don't know that, oh yeah, +[4071.040 --> 4076.040] you gotta stop the 26 miles, then you'll run 30. +[4076.120 --> 4077.680] And you'll run 30. +[4077.680 --> 4082.680] And if you don't know that you're supposed to run at 98% +[4083.320 --> 4087.920] of your ability, you don't have a coach telling you slow down +[4087.920 --> 4090.920] on the first three-fourth of the... +[4090.920 --> 4092.760] We just ran everywhere. +[4094.160 --> 4095.160] Wow. +[4095.160 --> 4098.200] I saw a video not long ago of a school child +[4098.200 --> 4100.680] looked like perhaps Kenya running to school. +[4100.680 --> 4103.320] I think he must have missed the bus if there was a bus, +[4103.320 --> 4105.520] and it's a car driving, driving behind him. +[4105.520 --> 4110.520] And the kid must be maybe 11 or something, 11 or 12. +[4110.640 --> 4113.720] And it's the most gorgeous running form. +[4113.720 --> 4117.400] Just absolutely beautiful turnover speeds, nice, +[4117.400 --> 4120.600] long-rangey strides, the headstain completely still, +[4120.600 --> 4121.720] the arms are moving. +[4121.720 --> 4123.040] He's got his backpack on. +[4123.040 --> 4125.360] And it's just, it's like when you see a leopard +[4125.360 --> 4129.400] going slow motion, it's just this gorgeous running style. +[4129.400 --> 4131.840] And you just think that's, that kid's 12, +[4131.840 --> 4134.160] probably never had an athletics coach in his life. +[4134.160 --> 4135.000] It doesn't surprise me. +[4135.840 --> 4137.600] They dominate distance running at all. +[4137.600 --> 4141.960] And the temperature and the sun and so forth +[4141.960 --> 4144.960] and the long carbs and the good builds perfect. +[4144.960 --> 4149.240] And running every day, and that's how he grew up. +[4149.240 --> 4151.200] He said, we just ran everywhere. +[4151.200 --> 4152.680] And you think about that. +[4152.680 --> 4157.680] I mean, we get in a car to go a mile to pick up the newspaper. +[4157.680 --> 4162.360] And think about, you're right, about their running styles. +[4162.760 --> 4166.760] They sort of, they maximize efficiency +[4166.760 --> 4169.800] because obviously if everybody's running every day, +[4169.800 --> 4171.880] you're going to model whoever's the fastest +[4171.880 --> 4175.840] and it turns out when that, when that head holds still +[4175.840 --> 4178.240] and into the body that's fully gimbled, +[4178.240 --> 4183.240] you know, just like a zebra or a, a cheetah. +[4185.440 --> 4189.520] But then you think, oh man, what's going to happen +[4189.520 --> 4193.040] the day we put really good running shoes on this kid +[4193.040 --> 4196.880] and say the Boston marathon. +[4196.880 --> 4198.960] So like over and over again. +[4200.600 --> 4205.600] And they do it with such love and appreciation for that. +[4208.080 --> 4211.920] But that's my idea of small talk. +[4211.920 --> 4216.920] My idea of small talk is to listen to what other people say. +[4217.920 --> 4220.760] But I have to tell you at the same time. +[4220.760 --> 4227.760] Nothing is more painful than to listen to the people brag +[4229.960 --> 4232.320] over and over about themselves. +[4232.320 --> 4234.360] And I just, yeah, I'm too old. +[4234.360 --> 4236.320] I just walk away. +[4236.320 --> 4238.280] We've talked about being exceptional today. +[4238.280 --> 4239.600] What would you do? +[4239.600 --> 4242.920] How would you design a person if you wanted to make someone +[4242.920 --> 4244.960] as un-exceptional as possible? +[4245.120 --> 4248.120] What would be the personality traits and the characteristics +[4248.120 --> 4250.440] and the worldview that someone would have +[4250.440 --> 4253.480] that is the complete antithesis of what you're trying to achieve? +[4254.720 --> 4256.640] Not curious. +[4256.640 --> 4260.920] A person that is completely not curious about anything. +[4260.920 --> 4264.320] Not themselves, not the world around them. +[4264.320 --> 4267.640] That think they know it all, think it all, +[4268.680 --> 4270.000] and so forth. +[4270.000 --> 4275.000] Someone who is rigid in their thinking, +[4275.880 --> 4279.240] who is uncompromising, +[4279.240 --> 4284.000] who is unwilling to make any sacrifice +[4284.000 --> 4286.560] and wants everything handed to them. +[4288.000 --> 4291.640] Someone who has no empathy, +[4292.840 --> 4297.840] someone who takes no action when action is needed, +[4298.840 --> 4302.840] who has no concept of providing comfort for others. +[4305.520 --> 4307.600] I've never been asked this question, Chris. +[4307.600 --> 4310.920] I think it's a profound way to ask that question +[4310.920 --> 4312.520] and I thank you for it. +[4313.400 --> 4315.720] That is the antithesis. +[4315.720 --> 4320.120] And when you say it that way, you think, +[4320.120 --> 4323.080] oh my gosh, there are people like that. +[4324.160 --> 4326.000] And they're horrible. +[4326.520 --> 4329.320] They're so rigid in their thinking, they're unyielding, +[4329.320 --> 4331.160] they're not curious at all. +[4331.160 --> 4333.920] They don't want to know anything about you, +[4333.920 --> 4336.080] they don't want to explore the world around them. +[4336.080 --> 4340.440] Everything is so rigid and suspicious +[4340.440 --> 4345.440] and they don't want to take any action to help. +[4345.600 --> 4349.480] That is the antithesis of the exceptional +[4349.480 --> 4352.960] because the exceptional really are about +[4353.960 --> 4356.800] providing psychological comfort. +[4356.800 --> 4360.920] You know, they're about helping themselves +[4362.240 --> 4365.080] but not at the expense of others. +[4365.080 --> 4368.200] They want everybody to succeed. +[4368.200 --> 4371.360] They want everybody to have fun, to enjoy life. +[4373.360 --> 4378.040] And I think that's what really sets exceptional people apart. +[4378.040 --> 4380.000] Joan of Auro, ladies and gentlemen, +[4380.000 --> 4382.080] be exceptional, must of the five traits +[4382.080 --> 4383.760] that set extraordinary people apart +[4383.760 --> 4385.760] will be linked in the show notes below. +[4385.760 --> 4387.760] And if people want to check out what else you do, +[4387.760 --> 4388.760] where should they go? +[4390.120 --> 4392.040] Please come to my website, +[4392.040 --> 4394.360] joenevaro.net. +[4394.360 --> 4397.360] And they can see all my books and videos +[4397.360 --> 4401.320] and soon they'll see my interview with you, Chris. +[4401.320 --> 4402.400] Exciting. +[4402.400 --> 4405.160] Obviously, the pinnacle of your career so far. +[4405.160 --> 4406.480] Joe, thanks very much for that. +[4406.480 --> 4407.960] I've got to thank you. +[4407.960 --> 4410.160] I've got to tell you, you're one of the best +[4411.000 --> 4413.080] interviewers that I've dealt with. +[4413.080 --> 4414.360] I love your question. +[4414.360 --> 4415.400] So thank you. +[4415.400 --> 4416.400] Thank you. +[4416.400 --> 4417.280] What's happening, people? +[4417.280 --> 4418.720] Thank you very much for tuning in. +[4418.720 --> 4420.560] If you enjoyed that episode, +[4420.560 --> 4423.400] then press here for a selection of the best clips +[4423.400 --> 4425.600] from the podcast over the last few weeks. +[4425.600 --> 4427.800] And don't forget to subscribe. +[4427.800 --> 4428.640] Peace. diff --git a/transcript/podcast_lvxJoUuG018.txt b/transcript/podcast_lvxJoUuG018.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..134726ce9cbb16c690c77ae9ce0da5d794ee869a --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_lvxJoUuG018.txt @@ -0,0 +1,525 @@ +[0.000 --> 5.000] We're the left, we're the right, knock him out, knock him out, knock him out for the night. +[5.000 --> 13.000] One chance, knock him out, knock him out, knock him out for the night. +[19.000 --> 24.000] What if you could get exactly what you want in life +[24.000 --> 30.000] by reading and understanding the body language of murderers? +[32.000 --> 34.000] Stay with me. +[35.000 --> 37.000] Stay with me for a minute. +[38.000 --> 41.000] In my young 20s, I got a job at the federal government, +[42.000 --> 45.000] three-lettered agency and law enforcement. +[45.000 --> 47.000] My specialty was firearms trafficking. +[48.000 --> 52.000] How to tell when people are selling guns illegally to kids, +[52.000 --> 55.000] to give victed felons to bad people. +[56.000 --> 62.000] And when I was getting trained to spot this patterning of behavior, +[62.000 --> 66.000] how we learned was through decoding the body language of murderers. +[67.000 --> 71.000] And if you had told 22, 23, 24, 25-year-old version of me +[71.000 --> 74.000] that by decoding the body language of murderers, +[74.000 --> 77.000] one day I would be a better business owner, +[77.000 --> 81.000] better at negotiating, a better daughter, a better mother. +[81.000 --> 84.000] I would have said you were out of your mind. +[84.000 --> 87.000] I had no idea what I was learning at that time +[87.000 --> 89.000] through decoding the body language of murderers +[89.000 --> 93.000] how it would change my life in so many other lives. +[94.000 --> 97.000] So I worked at the World Trade Center in New York City for a while. +[98.000 --> 102.000] And going through a lifestyle where you're looking for the bad in people, +[102.000 --> 104.000] wears on your soul. +[104.000 --> 107.000] So I took a stand-up comedy class at night, +[107.000 --> 109.000] not because I thought it was funny, +[109.000 --> 111.000] because I wanted to have funny friends, +[111.000 --> 113.000] or at least people who thought they were funny. +[113.000 --> 116.000] And I remember I was going to a comedy show one night with this woman, Andrea. +[116.000 --> 119.000] And if you live in New York City, you know you probably don't own a car. +[119.000 --> 122.000] The only time you drive a car is where you have to rent a car to go someplace. +[122.000 --> 125.000] And we were going somewhere, we were doing some type of comedy gig. +[125.000 --> 127.000] I don't know if it was on Long Island or in Jersey somewhere. +[127.000 --> 130.000] And I was with this woman, Andrea, another comedian. +[130.000 --> 131.000] It was late at night. +[131.000 --> 134.000] And I rented the car, but it was pouring rain, it was dark out. +[134.000 --> 136.000] And I said to Andrea, you got to drive, dude, +[136.000 --> 138.000] because I have night blindness. +[138.000 --> 139.000] I can't see it night. +[139.000 --> 141.000] I don't drive it night, especially in the rain. +[141.000 --> 143.000] And she's driving, and she goes, well, can you tell me, +[143.000 --> 145.000] what do you mean you have night blindness? +[145.000 --> 147.000] I go, I literally can't see it night. +[147.000 --> 148.000] I mean, I can see the street signs. +[148.000 --> 152.000] Like I can tell there's a sign ahead that either you have to take action +[152.000 --> 155.000] and seize an opportunity or avoid some type of pain or trouble. +[155.000 --> 157.000] I see that there's a sign. +[157.000 --> 159.000] I just can't read what it says. +[159.000 --> 163.000] And I thought to myself, what a great metaphor for life. +[163.000 --> 166.000] Have you ever had these moments where you could see something? +[166.000 --> 167.000] You see a sign ahead. +[167.000 --> 170.000] You just have a gut feeling about someone, not to trust them. +[170.000 --> 173.000] They seem so likable, but there's something inside that says +[173.000 --> 175.000] they're not telling me something. +[175.000 --> 176.000] They're not telling me something. +[176.000 --> 178.000] They're holding something back, but you can't see it clearly. +[178.000 --> 179.000] You just get that vibe. +[179.000 --> 182.000] You just feel this, you see the sign. +[182.000 --> 184.000] Have you ever had those moments? +[184.000 --> 186.000] So for me, this Andrea, you know what she did? +[186.000 --> 187.000] She was trying on my glasses. +[187.000 --> 188.000] She handed them to me. +[188.000 --> 189.000] I could see. +[189.000 --> 190.000] I was like, oh my gosh, I could see. +[190.000 --> 192.000] Because when's the last time you had an eye exam? +[192.000 --> 193.000] I'm like, I don't know, six years old. +[193.000 --> 195.000] The last time they do them in school. +[195.000 --> 198.000] If you don't wear glasses as a kid, you grew up to be an adult. +[198.000 --> 202.000] You don't go get eye exams because mom's not making the appointments anymore, right? +[202.000 --> 204.000] So I put the glasses on. +[204.000 --> 208.000] I could see and I thought, wow, this is what my training taught me +[208.000 --> 212.000] through decoding the body language and understanding the body language of murderers. +[212.000 --> 217.000] It gave me a pair of glasses, a lens to see the hidden messages +[217.000 --> 219.000] behind all human beings. +[219.000 --> 221.000] And here's the deal. +[221.000 --> 223.000] I call it ESL. +[223.000 --> 227.000] Some people may tell you ESL is English as a second language. +[227.000 --> 232.000] But I say ESL is everyone's second language. +[232.000 --> 235.000] ESL, everyone's second language. +[235.000 --> 241.000] What are people saying to you without them realizing they're saying it to you? +[241.000 --> 246.000] In August, I was tapped to talk about this case. +[246.000 --> 248.000] I don't know if you followed this case. +[248.000 --> 251.000] I'm going to introduce this family to you in a second. +[251.000 --> 255.000] But my social media was lighting up like a Christmas tree. +[255.000 --> 257.000] I was getting text messages. +[257.000 --> 259.000] I was getting private messages on Facebook. +[259.000 --> 261.000] Everyone's like, Jean, you got to weigh in. +[261.000 --> 266.000] This pregnant woman and her two young daughters have gone missing. +[266.000 --> 270.000] And the husband is doing every interview possible. +[270.000 --> 271.000] He's all over the media. +[271.000 --> 273.000] His name is Chris Watts. +[273.000 --> 277.000] I go online just like you might do and I went to check it out. +[277.000 --> 279.000] I'm like, all right, well, what's the deal? +[279.000 --> 280.000] And I watch it. +[280.000 --> 281.000] And I watch it again. +[281.000 --> 282.000] And I watch it again. +[282.000 --> 284.000] And I watch it again. +[284.000 --> 286.000] Everything I can find in this Chris Watts. +[286.000 --> 288.000] And everything I can read about him. +[288.000 --> 290.000] People are attacking him. +[290.000 --> 291.000] He totally did it. +[291.000 --> 292.000] He must have killed him. +[292.000 --> 293.000] He's a bad guy. +[293.000 --> 294.000] And other people are like, I know this family. +[294.000 --> 296.000] I go to church with this family. +[296.000 --> 297.000] This is a good family. +[297.000 --> 298.000] He's a good man. +[298.000 --> 299.000] He's a good father. +[299.000 --> 301.000] Stop attacking Chris Watts. +[301.000 --> 302.000] A grieving man. +[302.000 --> 303.000] A grieving man. +[303.000 --> 305.000] And then I put this post. +[306.000 --> 310.000] See, my post talks about what I saw. +[310.000 --> 315.000] First, I apologize and I say I'm praying for this pregnant woman in her two young daughters. +[315.000 --> 317.000] I'm praying that they are safe. +[317.000 --> 319.000] And there is no one way we all grieve. +[319.000 --> 323.000] There's no one way that we all deal with anxiety and stress when we're nervous. +[323.000 --> 326.000] It shows up completely different in all of us. +[326.000 --> 331.000] And with that being said, I said, I hope I am wrong in my following analysis. +[332.000 --> 340.000] Because my analysis is screaming this guy has done something really dangerous and really stupid. +[340.000 --> 342.000] I'm literally, I'm a prayer person. +[342.000 --> 347.000] It was the first time in my life I prayed that a pregnant woman was a battered woman. +[347.000 --> 349.000] And that maybe she was just a battered woman. +[349.000 --> 351.000] And she took off with the little ones. +[351.000 --> 354.000] And she's somewhere safe in a battered woman shelter. +[354.000 --> 357.000] If you would ever told me that I would pray that a pregnant woman would be a battered woman, +[357.000 --> 360.000] I would say there was no situation on earth that I would ever pray for that. +[360.000 --> 366.000] But here I was on that day in August 2018 praying that that was the best case scenario. +[366.000 --> 373.000] Because what I saw, through decoding the body language of murderers for over two decades, was not good. +[373.000 --> 374.000] Was not good. +[374.000 --> 378.000] Say I post a pictures of the suspicious behavior. +[378.000 --> 381.000] Right here you can see smiling. +[381.000 --> 383.000] You know what was missing from this guy? +[383.000 --> 384.000] Every interview he was doing? +[384.000 --> 386.000] Two emotions were missing. +[386.000 --> 388.000] Fear and sadness. +[389.000 --> 392.000] Never once in any of the interviews did he do. +[392.000 --> 394.000] Did we see sadness or fear? +[394.000 --> 395.000] Never. +[395.000 --> 396.000] We saw anger. +[396.000 --> 397.000] We saw disgust. +[397.000 --> 399.000] And we saw happiness. +[399.000 --> 403.000] And I put these pictures in social media on this day in August. +[403.000 --> 406.000] And I highlight the different emotions that I'm seeing. +[406.000 --> 409.000] And I'm talking about what I'm not seeing, which is I'm not seeing fear. +[409.000 --> 410.000] And I'm not seeing sadness. +[410.000 --> 417.000] And I'm seeing all suspicious behavior of someone who is keeping a major secret from us. +[417.000 --> 424.000] Less than six hours later, Chris Watts confesses to police that he killed his wife +[424.000 --> 428.000] and later confesses that he killed his two young daughters. +[428.000 --> 429.000] I put on social media. +[429.000 --> 432.000] I hope this is a time that my analysis is wrong. +[432.000 --> 435.000] And sadly, it was not. +[435.000 --> 439.000] What are we missing with the people in our lives? +[439.000 --> 442.000] The secrets that people are hiding from us. +[442.000 --> 446.000] And how can it help us have more wins in work and in life and in love? +[446.000 --> 451.000] By understanding ESL, everyone's second language. +[451.000 --> 454.000] See, by understanding everyone's second language, I believe, and I know, +[454.000 --> 457.000] is a fact that you can have more wins in life. +[457.000 --> 459.000] You can have more wins in life. +[459.000 --> 462.000] ESL, E, I blocking. +[462.000 --> 465.000] We're going to talk about I blocking when someone's eyes close a little too long, +[465.000 --> 467.000] or they hide their eyes. +[467.000 --> 468.000] What did messages it sending? +[468.000 --> 470.000] S, shoulder shrugging. +[470.000 --> 472.000] What is a shoulder shrug? +[472.000 --> 474.000] What are they saying when you see someone's shrug? +[474.000 --> 477.000] There is a definitive answer of what they're saying right now. +[477.000 --> 481.000] And is the number one best body language move that people are doing in our everyday lives, +[481.000 --> 483.000] professionally and personally that we miss. +[483.000 --> 485.000] Over and over and over. +[485.000 --> 487.000] And you wake up and you say, I'm blindsided. +[487.000 --> 489.000] How did I not see this happen? +[489.000 --> 493.000] You didn't see it happen because no one trained you in ESL. +[493.000 --> 495.000] Everyone's second language. +[495.000 --> 497.000] How many of you would like to kiss those? +[497.000 --> 498.000] I never saw it happen. +[498.000 --> 499.000] Those moments could buy. +[499.000 --> 501.000] And say, I saw it happening. +[501.000 --> 503.000] I knew what to do in those moments. +[503.000 --> 504.000] Yes? +[504.000 --> 506.000] Shoulder shrugging. +[506.000 --> 509.000] Last but not least, is our lip locking. +[509.000 --> 512.000] Lip locking is when our lips disappear. +[512.000 --> 514.000] They are sending you a signal. +[514.000 --> 518.000] And I'm going to talk to you today and teach you what is the signal that people are sending. +[518.000 --> 521.000] See, just like my friend Andrea, that comedian gave me those glasses +[521.000 --> 523.000] and I could see everything clearly. +[523.000 --> 527.000] I brought the ESL glasses today to give each and every one of you. +[527.000 --> 529.000] How many want to walk out of here with the same lenses? +[529.000 --> 532.000] I train the CIA and the FBI and Scotland, your police, +[532.000 --> 533.000] a proctor and game on Coca-Cola. +[533.000 --> 534.000] You want the ESL glasses? +[534.000 --> 535.000] Say I do. +[535.000 --> 536.000] Then stand up. +[536.000 --> 538.000] You got to take the oath. +[538.000 --> 539.000] Repeat after me. +[539.000 --> 540.000] I swear. +[540.000 --> 541.000] To use. +[541.000 --> 542.000] The ESL glasses. +[542.000 --> 543.000] For good. +[543.000 --> 544.000] Not for evil. +[544.000 --> 554.000] And for those people who are not listening because they were afraid of the talk title. +[554.000 --> 559.000] Let's give it to them anyway. +[560.000 --> 562.000] Everyone take a seat. +[565.000 --> 568.000] First, let's explore eye blocking. +[568.000 --> 572.000] Eye blocking is when our eyes close a little too long or when we're talking to you, +[572.000 --> 573.000] we suddenly disappear. +[573.000 --> 577.000] If you pick your kid up off the bus and every time you go to the bus stop, +[577.000 --> 581.000] your kid's bus driver always has a hat in front of his head and it's front of his face. +[581.000 --> 583.000] And he's like, hey, hey, Mrs. Johnson. +[583.000 --> 585.000] Hey, Mrs. Johnson, never looks at you. +[585.000 --> 587.000] This is suspicious behavior. +[587.000 --> 590.000] This is not normal behavior. +[590.000 --> 592.000] This is what's called eye blocking. +[592.000 --> 593.000] Eye blocking. +[593.000 --> 594.000] We're going to explore. +[594.000 --> 595.000] You all do eye blocking. +[595.000 --> 598.000] We all do it and I'm going to talk about when do we do it? +[598.000 --> 599.000] Here's eye blocking. +[599.000 --> 600.000] I want you to think of your cell phone. +[600.000 --> 603.000] When you put your cell phone down, you don't use it for a while. +[603.000 --> 605.000] Often a screen saver will come up. +[605.000 --> 610.000] And if you have a programed correctly, a screen saver with the passcode will come up. +[610.000 --> 614.000] In order to open up your phone, why do we have that screen saver with the passcode? +[614.000 --> 617.000] To protect our private stuff on our phone. +[617.000 --> 622.000] If someone happens to come by and grab it, a stranger, our friend, a significant other, +[622.000 --> 627.000] about to be ex-employee or ex-supervisor, someone that's going to see your phone +[627.000 --> 630.000] and you don't want them to see your private information. +[630.000 --> 633.000] Even if you have nothing to hide, it's no one's business. +[633.000 --> 635.000] This is what eye blocking is doing. +[635.000 --> 638.000] Eye blocking is saying, I don't want you to see what's happening here. +[638.000 --> 641.000] I don't want you to see what's happening in here. +[641.000 --> 643.000] And also eye blocking takes away the visuals. +[643.000 --> 645.000] Here's when we eye block. +[645.000 --> 649.000] Have you ever been like at an airport or a crowded space and you get a phone call? +[649.000 --> 652.000] So everyone's here, you're all in the slaughter-torn, you get a phone call. +[652.000 --> 654.000] Do you take the phone call and look at everybody? +[654.000 --> 655.000] What do you do? +[655.000 --> 657.000] You go to a corner, right? +[657.000 --> 658.000] Or you look down. +[658.000 --> 660.000] You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. +[660.000 --> 662.000] Some of you will get small, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm at a TEDx talk in New York. +[662.000 --> 663.000] Yeah, in New York. +[663.000 --> 664.000] Yeah, long Island. +[664.000 --> 665.000] I don't even know how I got here. +[665.000 --> 666.000] It was wicked hard to get here. +[666.000 --> 667.000] Yeah, yeah. +[667.000 --> 671.000] You go to a private space, you go to a corner, you get small, you take away the visuals. +[671.000 --> 674.000] If you continue to look at the people in front of you, what happens on the phone call? +[674.000 --> 676.000] What does that person say? +[676.000 --> 677.000] Know what they say to you? +[677.000 --> 678.000] You're not listening to me, are you? +[678.000 --> 679.000] Right. +[679.000 --> 680.000] Hello. +[680.000 --> 681.000] Are you distracted? +[681.000 --> 682.000] Are you listening to me? +[682.000 --> 683.000] Know why they're saying that? +[683.000 --> 688.000] Because they can tell you're being distracted by all the visual data that's coming at you. +[688.000 --> 690.000] So your response to them is delayed. +[690.000 --> 695.000] See, when we're lying, we have the truth to remember and the lie to remember. +[695.000 --> 697.000] And what we want to do is, +[697.000 --> 702.000] we're going to remove some of the data coming at us so we can remain on the path of deception +[702.000 --> 704.000] and keep our secret from you. +[704.000 --> 705.000] Does this make sense? +[705.000 --> 707.000] So you can see this in weird ways. +[707.000 --> 709.000] I'm going to talk about Chris Watts here. +[709.000 --> 712.000] Next to Chris Watts, this is the man in Colorado who murdered his pregnant wife, +[712.000 --> 717.000] Shanan, and his two daughters, Celeste Embella, this August 18, 2018. +[717.000 --> 719.000] Then we see Scott Peterson. +[719.000 --> 723.000] Scott Peterson murdered his pregnant wife, Lacey Peterson. +[723.000 --> 725.000] Then you're going to see Ted Bundy. +[725.000 --> 726.000] Ted Bundy murdered. +[726.000 --> 729.000] We know he confessed to 30 people in several states. +[729.000 --> 730.000] Probably way more than that. +[730.000 --> 732.000] And then Susan Smith. +[732.000 --> 733.000] Susan Smith, drowned her two kids. +[733.000 --> 735.000] Put him in a car seat. +[735.000 --> 740.000] They died by drowning when she drove the car into a lake, but she told the media and the police what. +[740.000 --> 744.000] A black man came and took the car, and her kids were in it. +[744.000 --> 748.000] No one was suspicious beyond this esoteric explanation. +[748.000 --> 750.000] She said, this black guy came and took the car. +[750.000 --> 752.000] I was worried that they would kill my kids. +[753.000 --> 754.000] Wait a minute. +[754.000 --> 755.000] Was it a black man or several people? +[755.000 --> 757.000] It all of a sudden became a day? +[757.000 --> 759.000] Many things were screaming. +[759.000 --> 764.000] Susan Smith is lying, including her smiling when doing press conferences in the media. +[764.000 --> 767.000] So let's look at how long do they do eye-blonking. +[767.000 --> 771.000] Now, Chris Watts is only a second and a half, and it may not seem long, +[771.000 --> 774.000] but I want everyone right now to look at me and close your eyes, +[774.000 --> 776.000] and I'll tell you in a second and a half is over. +[776.000 --> 777.000] Ready? +[777.000 --> 778.000] Close your eyes. +[778.000 --> 780.000] Open them. +[780.000 --> 786.000] Now, imagine talking with that kind of second and a half, this little hiccup. +[786.000 --> 790.000] See, what happens is a guy named Spencer Kelly at Colgate University. +[790.000 --> 794.000] He wanted to find out if your body language sends a message to your brain. +[794.000 --> 799.000] So if I said to you, I'll have a peanut butter and jelly on my socks, please. +[799.000 --> 803.000] As you might imagine, your brain goes peanut butter and jelly on my socks. +[803.000 --> 804.000] What? +[804.000 --> 808.000] If you imagine your brain waves like a heart monitor that creates what's called, +[808.000 --> 812.000] I call it a brain hiccup, but the professionals call it an N400. +[812.000 --> 814.000] Peanut butter and jelly on my socks? +[814.000 --> 818.000] Spencer Kelly at Colgate University wanted to find out if my body language doesn't match +[818.000 --> 822.000] what I'm telling you, does that person who's communicating with us pick up on it? +[822.000 --> 824.000] And the answer is yes. +[824.000 --> 827.000] But the difference is you're seeing that sign on the side of the highway. +[827.000 --> 831.000] You just need some ESL glasses to decode what it is. +[831.000 --> 834.000] But your brain picked up on it and knows there's an opportunity or a warning up ahead. +[834.000 --> 838.000] You just don't know the specifics, but you will after today. +[838.000 --> 840.000] So look at this. +[840.000 --> 851.000] Nine seconds we have with Ted Bundy, Susan Smith spoke on national television and listened for 34 seconds with her eyes closed. +[851.000 --> 854.000] 34 seconds with her eyes closed. +[854.000 --> 856.000] Let's do a little experiment. +[856.000 --> 857.000] Let's do nine seconds. +[857.000 --> 859.000] So I want you to look at the person next to you behind you. +[859.000 --> 861.000] One of you will talk and one of you will listen. +[861.000 --> 862.000] Here's how this is going to work. +[862.000 --> 863.000] Decide who's going to talk. +[863.000 --> 865.000] Whoever's going to talk, I want you to say I'll talk. +[865.000 --> 869.000] And I want you to talk about your favorite presentation today, your favorite TEDx talk. +[869.000 --> 871.000] For nine seconds. +[871.000 --> 873.000] I'll tell you when you can open your eyes. +[873.000 --> 878.000] You're going to talk for nine seconds with your eyes closed, telling this person looking right at them. +[878.000 --> 880.000] And the person looking at the person speaking. +[880.000 --> 881.000] Just look at them. +[881.000 --> 886.000] I want you to feel how weird it is for someone to talk to you for nine seconds with their eyes closed. +[886.000 --> 887.000] Ready? +[887.000 --> 888.000] Decide who's going to talk. +[888.000 --> 889.000] Raise your hand if you're the talker. +[889.000 --> 891.000] So I can see where my talkers are. +[891.000 --> 892.000] Okay? +[892.000 --> 893.000] Look at your partner. +[893.000 --> 894.000] Ready? +[894.000 --> 895.000] Set. +[895.000 --> 898.000] Go. +[898.000 --> 905.000] Stop. +[905.000 --> 908.000] Raise your hand if that felt weird. +[908.000 --> 909.000] Right? +[909.000 --> 911.000] I want you to start noticing. +[911.000 --> 914.000] The first step on ESL is noticing these eye blocking. +[914.000 --> 920.000] Notice this eye blocking. +[920.000 --> 923.000] I want to say to my baby. +[923.000 --> 927.000] Your mama loves you so much. +[927.000 --> 937.000] The eye blocking is happening while she's talking about how much she loves her kids. +[937.000 --> 940.000] My son's Angus, Charlie and Jack. +[940.000 --> 942.000] Off to the left here, you see Jack. +[942.000 --> 944.000] He's my youngest and Charlie then Angus. +[944.000 --> 949.000] Little Charlie and Jack, when they were first little ones, Jack was a brand new baby and Charlie was one. +[949.000 --> 952.000] Angus came home from a baseball game in DC. +[952.000 --> 955.000] When Angus came home with my husband, I'm upstairs in the bedroom. +[955.000 --> 958.000] It's about 8.30 pm and I see Angus come up and I'm like, Angus! +[958.000 --> 961.000] And he goes, errr. +[961.000 --> 964.000] And he eye blocks and he slams his bedroom door. +[964.000 --> 966.000] Now I don't know how you were raised, but am I family? +[966.000 --> 969.000] If we slammed the door growing up, my mother and father had a policy called, +[969.000 --> 971.000] I'll solve that problem policy. +[971.000 --> 972.000] Right? +[972.000 --> 975.000] The door would be off the hinges by the next morning and dad's workshop. +[975.000 --> 978.000] But my Angela would tell you when you know better, you do better. +[978.000 --> 981.000] And I know better because I know Angus is eye blocking. +[981.000 --> 989.000] And I also know that anger is a secondary emotion to things like fear and sadness and anxiety. +[989.000 --> 993.000] So instead of me going in yelling to Angus's perceived anger, +[993.000 --> 998.000] because he looks angry, but I know there's more to the story here, because I speak ESL, +[998.000 --> 1000.000] everyone's second language. +[1000.000 --> 1002.000] And I went in and I rubbed his back, I go, what's going on? +[1002.000 --> 1003.000] And he goes, errr. +[1003.000 --> 1007.000] And I go, listen, are you sad, scared or angry? +[1007.000 --> 1010.000] And he burst out crying. +[1010.000 --> 1012.000] He burst out crying. +[1012.000 --> 1016.000] He was, mom, we were in the baseball game and I know you've been traveling all week +[1016.000 --> 1020.000] and you were home just for one night and tomorrow you go on another trip. +[1020.000 --> 1025.000] And Charlie and Jack go to bed at 8 o'clock and I just wanted to see my brothers. +[1025.000 --> 1029.000] And dad said I was trying to trick him and that if I left the game early, +[1029.000 --> 1034.000] he would take my iPad because he thought I was tricking him and I just wanted to go home and play with my iPad. +[1034.000 --> 1042.000] Now this is a big deal because Angus has learning differences and every day he takes an hour and 15 minute bus ride to school into DC. +[1042.000 --> 1045.000] So I looked at Angus and had you been there, you had heard me. +[1045.000 --> 1049.000] I said, listen buddy, first thing from the boss in this household, so don't worry about the iPad. +[1049.000 --> 1051.000] You can totally use the iPad. +[1051.000 --> 1056.000] Second of all, I don't mind waking up Charlie and Jack, I can put him back to sleep. +[1056.000 --> 1061.000] See by me understanding ESL, everyone's second language, I created an amazing relationship +[1061.000 --> 1067.000] and a conversation with Angus that if I didn't understand, I would have went in and said, hey, manners make the man. +[1067.000 --> 1070.000] You don't slam the door when I say hello, you say hello back. +[1070.000 --> 1076.000] I want you to imagine the outcomes, how they're completely different when you understand English. +[1076.000 --> 1080.000] I mean everyone's second language, ESL. +[1080.000 --> 1083.000] Shoulder shrugging, shoulder shrugging is uncertainty. +[1083.000 --> 1087.000] Look at the person next to you and with the shrug saying, so glad you sat next to me. +[1088.000 --> 1090.000] Shoulder shrugging, it's uncertain. +[1090.000 --> 1092.000] You got back from Arizona. +[1092.000 --> 1096.000] Did you wake up and say, you know, yes, I saw her when she got in, but it was really quick. +[1096.000 --> 1101.000] Just because it was 2 a.m. in the morning, but I saw the kids in the monitor before I left. +[1101.000 --> 1106.000] I saw my wife when she came in, I saw her when she came in, it was really quick. +[1106.000 --> 1110.000] This tiny little shrug. +[1110.000 --> 1111.000] Let's watch this guy. +[1111.000 --> 1115.000] Drew Peter said, hey, I'm going to go to the hospital. +[1115.000 --> 1117.000] Let's watch this guy. Drew Peterson. +[1117.000 --> 1122.000] Were you surprised when the body was exhumed and they changed the determination of death? +[1122.000 --> 1124.000] Very much surprised, for sure. +[1124.000 --> 1130.000] Because for many years, you know, my children, we've been believing that she died in a household accident. +[1132.000 --> 1134.000] The number one mis-tell and body language is a shoulder shrug. +[1134.000 --> 1137.000] They're indicating there's something they're uncertain about. +[1137.000 --> 1139.000] There's something they're uncertain about. +[1139.000 --> 1144.000] Billy Zeebe, one of my clients, came and took this training on reading and decoding +[1144.000 --> 1147.000] and understanding the body language of murderers and he went into a pitch meeting. +[1147.000 --> 1151.000] Flew from Las Vegas into Florida, had this big pitch he was going to do, +[1151.000 --> 1154.000] and he sat down and he said to the person that he was pitching, I'm curious. +[1154.000 --> 1156.000] You've had the same vendor for 25 years. +[1156.000 --> 1161.000] What is leading you to look for new pitch ideas into partnering with the new vendor? +[1161.000 --> 1165.000] And when his potential client begins to speak, he goes, well, we're just not happy with them anymore. +[1165.000 --> 1168.000] We're looking for a change and he begins shoulder shrugging. +[1168.000 --> 1171.000] Billy Zeebe took him and his team and his presentation and walked out the door. +[1171.000 --> 1174.000] Said, we're not a fit for what you're looking for. We wish you good luck. +[1174.000 --> 1176.000] His team's like, what are you doing, dude? +[1176.000 --> 1178.000] We're totally prepared. You paid all this money to fly us in here. +[1178.000 --> 1181.000] He goes, oh, yeah, they're just fishing for other people's ideas. +[1181.000 --> 1183.000] They're not going to go with another vendor. +[1183.000 --> 1185.000] Did you see all that uncertainty? +[1185.000 --> 1187.000] Guess what happened two months later? +[1187.000 --> 1189.000] They announced they stayed with their own vendor. +[1189.000 --> 1192.000] They were, in fact, looking for other people's ideas. +[1192.000 --> 1194.000] Other people's ideas. +[1194.000 --> 1199.000] Look at this guy. He's going to shoulder shrug when he says, I want to thank the sport and all my fans +[1199.000 --> 1204.000] and I want to thank my wife. He's shoulder shrugs when he says, wife, why do you think he's shoulder shrugs with wife? +[1204.000 --> 1206.000] Oh, he's going to show you. +[1208.000 --> 1211.000] Thank you very much for what this is for giving me this. +[1211.000 --> 1213.000] And I appreciate my fans also. +[1213.000 --> 1217.000] My wife and my girlfriend. I mean my wife. Sorry to say. +[1217.000 --> 1220.000] I'm so sorry, my wife. Please, I love you so much. +[1220.000 --> 1223.000] Thank you very much for what this is for giving me this. +[1223.000 --> 1225.000] And I appreciate my fans also. +[1225.000 --> 1228.000] My wife and my girlfriend. I mean my wife. +[1232.000 --> 1237.000] Listen, I believe you can't unsee something, unhear something or unexperience something. +[1237.000 --> 1240.000] You can't unhear it, unsee it, unexperience it. +[1240.000 --> 1245.000] You yourself when you shrug, your body is telling you before your thought even kicks in, whoa, I'm uncertain about something. +[1245.000 --> 1248.000] What am I uncertain about? I'd love to go on a date with you. +[1248.000 --> 1250.000] Ooh, look at what just happened there. +[1250.000 --> 1253.000] What's going on? All right, there's something you're uncertain about. +[1253.000 --> 1255.000] Last but not least, lip locking. +[1255.000 --> 1258.000] When we don't like what we see or hear, our lips disappear. +[1258.000 --> 1262.000] Pull your lips in and say to the person next to you, you smell amazing. +[1262.000 --> 1264.000] You smell amazing. +[1264.000 --> 1266.000] You smell amazing. +[1266.000 --> 1273.000] Repeat after me. When we don't like what we see or hear, our lips disappear. +[1273.000 --> 1282.000] Here we see Chris Watts. +[1282.000 --> 1284.000] His lips are going to disappear. +[1284.000 --> 1286.000] You can see this nonstop with him. +[1286.000 --> 1288.000] He's doing a tongue protrusion here. +[1288.000 --> 1290.000] This is another move we won't be talking about today. +[1290.000 --> 1295.000] But it is connected without a doubt to everyone's second language, ESL. +[1295.000 --> 1297.000] We see this with Jody Areas. +[1297.000 --> 1302.000] We see this with different murderers that have been on television and we've seen them. +[1302.000 --> 1305.000] As I begin to say my goodbyes, I want to introduce you to my mother. +[1305.000 --> 1307.000] My mother is my best friend on earth. +[1307.000 --> 1312.000] See, when my mom was first diagnosed with breast cancer, she was a pretty good sport about it. +[1312.000 --> 1314.000] She's a happy person all the time. +[1314.000 --> 1318.000] And I remember she called me one time and she was, hey, Jody, if this breast cancer kills me, +[1318.000 --> 1324.000] I dying come back to earth. I'm coming back to earth as a swearing person, like you and your father. +[1324.000 --> 1327.000] I go, mom, you have cancer now. You could totally start swearing. +[1327.000 --> 1329.000] She says it's not who I am. It's just not who I am. +[1329.000 --> 1332.000] A next day I call my mother answered, but I thought it was my sister, Kaylene, +[1332.000 --> 1335.000] because whoever answered said, hey, what's going on, bitch? +[1335.000 --> 1339.000] I always say Kaylene, she goes, now it's mom, what's going on, bitch? +[1339.000 --> 1342.000] I go, what's going on? What's going on with you? +[1342.000 --> 1345.000] She says, I'm trying out the swearing thing. How do I sound? +[1345.000 --> 1348.000] I go, you sound fantastic. +[1348.000 --> 1351.000] Think of all the years you've been missing out on. +[1351.000 --> 1357.000] Two days later, mom who's in such good spirits comes to visit me in Alexandria, Virginia. +[1357.000 --> 1360.000] I go, how you doing? She goes, fine. +[1360.000 --> 1362.000] I go, what's going on? She's like, nothing. +[1362.000 --> 1364.000] And her lips begin to disappear. +[1364.000 --> 1367.000] I go, mom, you and I both know there's something you're not telling me. +[1367.000 --> 1369.000] What is it? How'd you been there? +[1369.000 --> 1373.000] You would have seen mom burst out crying. +[1373.000 --> 1378.000] Burst out crying? She goes, listen, a year ago my dentist told me I had something in my throat +[1378.000 --> 1382.000] and I had a PET scan done. And the doctor never calmed me after, so I thought it was good news. +[1382.000 --> 1387.000] But now that I have breast cancer, I had to go get that record from the PET scan from my throat. +[1387.000 --> 1395.000] And I picked it up three weeks ago, Janine, and it says that in my throat, I have cancerous cells. +[1395.000 --> 1400.000] So I have cancer, I think, through my whole body, not just my breast, but everywhere. +[1400.000 --> 1405.000] I think I could fight breast cancer, but I can't fight it if it's everywhere. +[1405.000 --> 1411.000] When you understand ESL, every one's second language, you can have amazing conversations with people. +[1411.000 --> 1415.000] And you can change their lives. See, mom said, I don't want you bringing it up. +[1415.000 --> 1418.000] Don't bring this up to the doctor. Do you understand me? +[1418.000 --> 1423.000] But I know anger is a secondary emotion to things like fear and sadness and anxiety. +[1423.000 --> 1428.000] I go, okay, mom, I won't say anything. We went to the hospital to meet that surgeon. I pulled the surgeon aside. +[1428.000 --> 1432.000] Hey, my mother thinks she has throat cancer because of this report. Can you look into it? +[1432.000 --> 1436.000] He said, yeah, I'll look into it. Sometimes we need to fight for people who can't fight for themselves. +[1436.000 --> 1438.000] Wouldn't you agree? +[1438.000 --> 1444.000] Listen, I would love to tell you what happened on the outcome of that report, but instead I thought I'd let my mom tell you. +[1444.000 --> 1446.000] Would you like to meet my mom? +[1446.000 --> 1450.000] Ladies and gentlemen, let my mom tell you what happened here. +[1452.000 --> 1462.000] Janie, when I went to visit her, just be very happy. My guy goes, I invited her, and I'm so great that I had more than one kiss. +[1462.000 --> 1474.000] I had gone for a kiss, and when I came back, I said I had throat cancer. +[1474.000 --> 1479.000] And I had gone to the dentist and the dentist just came to my teeth and it looked like something in my throat. +[1479.000 --> 1482.000] So I went to the throat doctor and everything, and he didn't say anything. +[1482.000 --> 1486.000] But I never got to be poor until just before I went into my hospital. +[1486.000 --> 1491.000] So I did it before it's 10 o'clock at night and I mean it. I see this. +[1491.000 --> 1494.000] And I'm asking the neck area. +[1494.000 --> 1499.000] And so I thought right away, now I have breast cancer. +[1499.000 --> 1503.000] But it has the testicized. +[1503.000 --> 1505.000] Dr. O'Hall body. +[1505.000 --> 1509.000] So I broke the throat, and I didn't see you guys away. And that's stuff out of you. +[1509.000 --> 1514.000] And I remember Janie and I broke down and told me, told you, but you blew it in to see the doctor. +[1514.000 --> 1520.000] So Janie got the doctor up on the side and asked the doctor to look at the stand. +[1520.000 --> 1527.000] And while I was being holed, they came back and they told me that this breast cancer was originated as a breast. +[1527.000 --> 1530.000] That was the greatest gift I ever had. +[1530.000 --> 1534.000] I was carrying her with me. +[1534.000 --> 1541.000] Because I was carrying that here with me for a month. +[1541.000 --> 1544.000] And I thank you Janie for clarifying that. +[1544.000 --> 1547.000] That was the biggest gift you could have for me that day. +[1547.000 --> 1553.000] Because I left here and I knew I had still had breast cancer, but I left here saying, okay, this is where I'm fighting. +[1553.000 --> 1559.000] This is not all over my body. So thank you for that. +[1559.000 --> 1568.000] You now have ESL, everybody's second language. +[1568.000 --> 1573.000] And I challenge you to use it. Use it to detect a section and to find truth and to protect your ideas. +[1573.000 --> 1582.000] And more importantly, use it to help somebody, to take a stand for someone who is full of fear, stress and anxiety, but they're showing up as angry. +[1582.000 --> 1586.000] Use it to find out and uncover the secret that they're hiding. +[1586.000 --> 1600.000] Because here's the deal. I believe when we take a stand for truth, all of us, we take a stand for truth, we can all have more wins in life, in love, and in work. +[1600.000 --> 1604.000] Maybe just maybe these people in our lives are waiting for us. +[1604.000 --> 1610.000] They're depending on us to see and to code their body language so we can hear them. +[1610.000 --> 1617.000] So we can hear their pain, we can hear their fear, and we can hear their heartbreak. +[1617.000 --> 1624.000] My name is Janine Driver. I challenge you to use your ESL, everybody's second language. +[1624.000 --> 1626.000] Thank you. +[1626.000 --> 1628.000] Thank you. +[1628.000 --> 1631.000] Thank you. +[1640.000 --> 1646.000] We're the left, we're the right, knock him out, knock him out, knock him out for the night. +[1646.000 --> 1654.000] One chance, knock him out, knock him out, knock him out, knock him out for the night. diff --git a/transcript/podcast_m3XoZnr6OK4.txt b/transcript/podcast_m3XoZnr6OK4.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..dccc2419ad0255c962a090e8e981c9fd986439db --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_m3XoZnr6OK4.txt @@ -0,0 +1,23 @@ +[0.000 --> 1.440] A lot of times what women will do +[1.440 --> 3.000] and I saw this so much growing up +[3.000 --> 7.440] was doing things with the perception of being rewarded +[7.440 --> 9.800] or being seen as good, +[9.800 --> 12.080] or like I remember like when we were younger +[12.080 --> 14.720] and God bless my mom, like God bless. +[14.720 --> 16.200] But she would do stuff and she'd be like, +[16.200 --> 17.200] well I did this and we'd be like, +[17.200 --> 19.080] we don't care if you did that. +[19.080 --> 20.040] You know what you're doing it +[20.040 --> 21.760] with the intention of being seen, +[21.760 --> 23.400] of being accepted or being heard. +[23.400 --> 24.920] And women could do that so much. +[24.920 --> 27.160] I remember doing that in relationships. +[27.160 --> 29.400] Being like, I'm gonna make dinner reservations for Friday +[29.400 --> 32.720] because this man is not fucking making dinner reservations. +[32.720 --> 33.840] And so when we're at dinner, +[33.840 --> 35.840] I'm gonna say, oh, how's dinner? +[35.840 --> 37.440] Like I made this reservation. +[37.440 --> 39.440] You're not making reservations. +[39.440 --> 42.000] I remember a period in time in my relationships +[42.000 --> 44.960] going above and be other fucking on. +[44.960 --> 48.080] Just going so far above and beyond to prove a point. diff --git a/transcript/podcast_xppME-ham_Q.txt b/transcript/podcast_xppME-ham_Q.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000..5b8ae957ce5caf4a3686030a135b45bf57c3600f --- /dev/null +++ b/transcript/podcast_xppME-ham_Q.txt @@ -0,0 +1,34 @@ +[0.000 --> 2.040] The thing with you is that you are so romantic. +[2.040 --> 2.880] I feel like. +[2.880 --> 4.920] Yeah, I'm not a romantic person at all. +[4.920 --> 6.600] But do you like it being done to you? +[6.600 --> 7.600] Like a lot of things. +[7.600 --> 8.840] I don't know. +[8.840 --> 9.680] Maybe that's why. +[9.680 --> 10.680] So no. +[10.680 --> 13.720] She's like, if I'm just been over a thing, I'm fine. +[13.720 --> 15.200] I like it in feet. +[15.200 --> 16.560] I don't know. +[16.560 --> 18.160] If I really like someone, +[18.160 --> 20.080] yeah, I would like something romantic. +[20.080 --> 20.920] Yeah, why not? +[22.280 --> 23.120] What? +[23.120 --> 25.040] Why are you so unsure about that? +[25.040 --> 26.040] Like I think I would like it. +[26.040 --> 27.480] I'm so surprised right now, I think. +[27.480 --> 28.760] Is it because of his life? +[28.760 --> 29.600] What? +[30.280 --> 31.760] I can't tell if you're joking. +[31.760 --> 33.240] No, we're not doing it live. +[33.240 --> 33.800] OK. +[33.800 --> 36.720] I can't believe the romance that you guys have experienced in your lives. +[36.720 --> 38.040] I'm sure you've got something. +[38.040 --> 39.640] You have to have something. +[39.640 --> 42.960] There's a couple of things I mean, like my ex has done that is romantic in my opinion. +[42.960 --> 45.160] Like I think it was like our first fountain. +[45.160 --> 47.320] So he made me a custom record. +[47.320 --> 48.320] That's cool. +[48.320 --> 49.400] Like all of my favorite songs. +[49.400 --> 50.960] It's like a, you know, a place. +[50.960 --> 53.280] And like all the covers, like a silhouette of us like kissing. +[53.280 --> 54.040] It's cute.