text: In a community that stresses macho male sexual stories as a highlight of all conversation
  I was an under-developed immature fat little dude that never got laid and was constantly razzed
  Oh, poor little kid!
  It bothered me probably more so because I was horny and frequently had to make up stories like
  Uh, when I went on vacation I met this chick and we fucked and she loved it!
  Etcetera, etcetera...
  This tipical pubescent problem was in effect during the height of my problems with my father and stepmom
  You know, the tipical wicked-stepmom story
  And so, I moved to both grandparents and four sets of aunts and uncles
  and so forth and so on within the year
  And in eighth grade, my mom had no choice to take me in because my dad packed my stuff
  and drove me to her house in the morning and left me there
  She was pissed
  I accumulated quite a healthy complex, not to mention the complexion
  Then one day I discovered the most ultimate form of expression ever
  Marijuana
  Oh boy, Pot!
  I could escape all day long and not have the routine nervous breakdowns once a week
  Only being stoned for the first few times was what I claimed as something I would do for the rest of my life
  And I would practically do anything to ensure my supply of the fantastic weed
  Trevor was a guy I hated, but resorted to becoming friends with
  because he was the only person I could get pot from
  He was the kingpin
  Trevor, Ace, John and Derren
  All white-trash, lowlife scums of the Earth According to the jocks, had been going to this girls house after school, and they invited me
  We got to the door and a very fat girl let us in
  It wasnt obvious to me for over an hour that this girl seemed kind of quiet
  Until one of the guys pointed out that she was in a special ed class
  Im sure a lot of kids would call her a retard and some just slow
  And at the time, and still to this day, I would call her quiet and illiterate but not retarded
  The object of the guys who had be going there for the past month was to steal booze from the downstairs basement den of her house
  While others distracted her by opening covers and doors and pretending to eat all the food
  One would go down and take a fifth and then exit out the downstairs
  So wed do this routine every otherday and got away with it for, oh, about a month
  And during that month it happened to be the epitome of my mental abuse from my mother
  It turned out that pot didnt help me escape my troubles too well anymore
  and I was actually enjoying doing rebellious things like stealing booze and busting store windows and-
  And nothing ever mattered
  I decided within the next month, Ill not sit on my roof and think about jumping
  But Ill actually kill myself
  And I wasnt going out from this world without actually knowing what it was like to get laid
  So one day after school I went to the girls house alone
  And invited myself in and she offered me some Twinkies
  And I sat on her lap and I said
  Lets fuck
  And I touched her tits and she went into her bedroom and got undressed in front of me
  And I watched and realised that it was actually happening
  So I tried to fuck her but I didnt know how
  and I asked her if she had ever done this before
  and she said A lot of times, mainly with her cousin
  I got grossed out very heavily
  with how her vagina smelled and her sweat reeked
  So I left
  My conscience grew to where
  I couldnt go to school for a week and when I went back I got in-house suspension for skipping
  And that day, the girls father came in and screaming and accusing someone of taking advantage of his daughter
  And so during lunch, a rumour started, and by the next day
  Everyone was waiting for me to yell and cuss and spit at me and callin me the retard-fucker
  I couldnt handle the ridicule
  So I got high and drunk and walked down to the train tracks and laid down
  And put two big pieces of cement on my chest and legs and I waited for the eleven oclock train
  And the train came closer and closer and closer
  And it went on the next track besides me instead of over me
  The tension from school had an effect on me and so I couldnt attend the school anymore
  And the train scared me enough to try to rehabilitate myself and my
  My lifting weights and mathematics seemed to be improving so I became less manically depressed
  But still havent had any friends because I...
  I hated everyone, for they were so phoney