input
stringlengths 104
2.4k
| output
stringlengths 70
268
|
|---|---|
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Personal finance input
POST: I'm reaching out to Reddit for input on some financial decisions. I'm about to refinance my mortgage and while filling out the application realized that I'm pretty far in debt (about 48% of gross income).
**So here's background:**
I'm about to refinance into a 15 year mortgage at a really good rate - which doesn't really do much for the monthly payment, but saves me around $20k in interest by the end of the mortgage.
My wife and I currently carry about $14k in credit card debt between the two of us and I have a $17k car loan. Between the credit cards and car payment I'm shelling out upward of $900/month.
I want to sell my car (it will sell for a little more than owed) and use that monthly payment to aggressively pay off the credit card debt in 2011. Then after paying the credit card debt off put that $900/month onto the mortgage principle.
So in a perfect world I'd be mortgage/debt free in about 7 years. Simple concept right? Here's the problem.
I bring this idea to my wife, to get her input - I tell her that I'm willing to give up my flashy car to get us out of debt. She doesn't think I should get rid of the car - she likes it, as do I. I look at it as just a car, there will be more in my life time. She actually told me I would be "stupid" for getting rid of it.
I currently also own a beater, a car I picked up for < $500 that I actually drive to work every day. It costs me like $2/day to drive vs. the flashy car that runs $14/day to drive.
I'm looking for validation here - I feel like I'm just running in the wheel, going further and further into debt when all I have to do is sacrifice a little and not have to worry so much. I'm skirting by making minimum payments on everything but not getting anywhere.
I would have posted this r/frugal but I know what they would say over there; they're some hardcore people in there!
TL;DR: | I could sell my car, get out of credit card debt in a year, be out of a mortgage in 6 and be rolling in cash by 7. What would you do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: need to confess something: I signed up to online dating isn't for sex, but because I'm lonely
POST: after lover-of-long term relationship broke up with me over a text (yes, he didn't want to discuss in person, guess I'm not worth his time), and lately I have been diagnosed with bpd (borderline personality disorder). That's pretty explain why I always had a rough time with my previous lover and his ideas about relationship.
because the only friend I had was him, now I feel like lonely and alienated. Even I talk to my psychologist every once in a week, I can't say she is my friend now. I couldn't tell my coworkers or my classmates because I'm too ashamed of what happened to my life. They put high expectation on me and I couldn't ruin that for pitying my self. My relationship with family was okay, but still, I couldn't tell them what I'm going through.
so, after 5 years off from online dating, I made first come back. And it was a terrible idea. I met wrong people just to get straight to my nudes.
I don't want to commit in such sexually activities just to cope with broken hearts, loneliness, depression. I just want to have someone who is there. Someone who doesn't want to rip my pants but to be my best friend for a long time. and I just signed up to the wrong place, I was too naive.
but, is it too much to ask for a kind of nice friend?
god, I'm so pathetic.
TL;DR: | I don't have a friend after ended long term relationship, and been diagnosed with borderline is unbearable. so signed up for tinder because I'm so lonely and need a friend. it was a terrible idea. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (18/M) don't know what to do about my girlfriend (18/F) of 2 months
POST: We haven't been together long and we've only known each other since this summer. She was in a relationship at the time. Eventually they broke up over me (jealousy) and we got together. I don't know why. We are much too different.
Sometimes I still think about my ex and how easy it was to talk to her. Or with her. We disagreed on many subjects but we shared many interests. We were both too insecure so it never worked out. I feel better with my new gf. I'm not insecure, I'm not jealous, and I'm really calm about matters. This is awesome, and is not a problem.
I love my girlfriend. I really do. But I just don't see a future in us. I don't see a present in us, either. I am on medication that effects my cognitive and physical ability and I can't even be asked to put in the effort into the relationship. Not only that, but because I live so near to our college, it's so hard for me to say no when she asks if she can come over during her breaks. This means she is really time consuming.
Balance is one option, but previously I couldn't even balance school with gaming and working out. Now the new world of warcraft is out and I have to balance that too. I suck at time management. But all this stuff I feel is stopping me from working on myself and my self confidence.
She's coming over any minute now. We're going to her friend's party later tonight, and then sleeping over at her place. I'm really not looking forward to it. I just want to eat, game, and workout. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt her as she really likes me.
TL;DR: | not motivated in relationship. I want to work on myself and spend more time with myself doing things I like. I do not see a future in the relationship but she really likes me and I do love her. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/weddingplanning
TITLE: Bridesmaid's sister might want to be bridesmaid too?
POST: Okay weddit, so I need some help with what to say :(
I've been friends with a set of four siblings for my whole life (3 sisters and one brother), and I've been meaning to ask the two eldest sisters who are closest to me in age, and therefore good friends with, to be my bridesmaids. The other eldest brother, youngest sister, and their parents are invited to the wedding as well as guests. Their brother is currently not in the same city, but he's getting an invite regardless of course.
So while the youngest sister is a truly lovely person and I love her company, I wasn't planning on asking her to be bridesmaid since we're not particularly close. I find out events about her life (getting into college, having a boyfriend, etc) through fb or through her sisters, and I'm pretty sure she finds out stuff about me the same way. Which is totally fine, we're a couple years apart so it happens.
Anyway, so I'm having an engagement party in a few weeks (YAY!) and I've invited only the bridal party
TL;DR: | Asking 2/3 sisters to be bridesmaid, how do I let the last sister know she isn't in the party? :( |
SUBREDDIT: r/weddingplanning
TITLE: Throwing myself a bachelorette party?
POST: I am getting married at the end of May and there was a lot of miscommunication regarding wedding showers and bachelorette parties from my friends and family.
The groom's family offered to throw a bridal shower so I told my friends and family not to plan one. It turns out it was actually just a small party for *his* relatives and none of my friends were invited. It was a lovely event but I was hoping to celebrate with my friends as well so a friend offered to plan a bachelorette party. I was really looking forward to it, but today I realized that my wedding date is 50 days away and I haven't heard anything else about the bachelorette party and we hadn't set a date. I checked in with my friend and she said she just can't do the planning anymore. My sister (also my MOA and only attendant) said that she would "host" a party for me but basically I have to do all of the planning and pay for it and just say it's from her. Well now she probably can't make it on any of the days I'm available (she lives 8 hours away.)
My question: Is it okay for me to just plan and throw my own bachelroette party? I don't want to do anything extravagant, just a day of wine tasting with friends while wearing a silly dick shaped tiara. I still really want my sister to be there so I might actually do the bachelorette party after the wedding. Is that normal, do people do that? Is it called something else if you do it after the wedding?
TL;DR: | Turns out nobody is throwing me a bachelorette party. I might throw one for myself a few weeks after the wedding. I just want to get drunk and wear phallic shaped tiara. :( |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Girlfriend (18, F) might be pregnant, I (17, M) am terrified, and she wants to keep the kid if she is, despite our relationship problems and situation.
POST: I really just don't know what to do. For the longest time, we both thought she was infertile because of her past experiences, and regardless, we used protection and she was on birth control. I'm guessing it happened a couple weeks ago on my birthday. We had sex three times, using protection twice, but didn't use a condom the third time.
Now, she was worrying, so she decided to take a pregnancy test. It came back positive, but she's unsure, so she's going to the doctor later today.
I'm really scared because we've discussed the situation before, and she seems intent on keeping it, when we're both in school with no job, and just simply don't have the time or resources to raise it right.
On top of this, we've been constantly fighting, and she's been pushing me away. I've tried to talk to her and get everything worked out between us, but she's headstrong, and I'm distant, so it ends in more problems caused then solved as well as both of us angry.
I really do love her, and she is an amazing person. We both just have a lot of stress in our lives, and neither of us have a very good way of fixing that stress, so we take it out on each other.
This situation certainly isn't helping, and on top of all of this, we're just kids trying to finish high school. I'm absolutely lost, and I'm begging for help.
TL;DR: | girlfriend might be pregnant, and is determined to keep it if she is, disregarding our still being in highschool and not having the resources to support it if we did, on top of our relationship problems. |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: Please Help: I gained a lot of weight, should i put my job search on hold and lose weight first to increase my odds of getting a job?
POST: Hi Ladies,
I'm in need of advice. I'm a 26 year old female from who finished graduate school this past January. I went through a terrible depression after graduating and now, I'm slowly getting my life back on track. One of those things is to get a full time job.
My dilemma is that I've gained about 35 pounds due to stress and emotional eating, and now I weigh almost close to 200 pounds (I'm 5' 4"). My degree is in a health and science field. I feel so self-conscious looking for a job and going on interviews in this industry when I am technically considered obese. I know I have what it takes to get a job in my industry (education and skills-wise), but right now my confidence is really low and I don't feel pretty.
I've already started on a plan to lose weight with a nutritionist and exercise classes at my gym. I'm confident that I can lose 30 pounds over the next 3 months because I have to check in with my nutritionist bi-weekly.
*I'm wondering if I should just start applying for jobs now or if I should wait and apply in 2-3 months when I have lost around 20-30 pounds?*
I know I won't totally be comfortable even if I lose 30 pounds, but I know that I will be able to dress and carry myself well at that size. I also plan on continuing to lose weight or at least maintain it, once I start working because my career depends on it.
TL;DR: | ! - I gained weight, I feel like I need to lose it in order to be taken seriously as a job applicant in a competitive health & science industry. Should I put job search on hold until I drop 30 pounds? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: 31F doesn't know whether to divorce 32M husband of 4 year/partner of 12 years or move on
POST: My husband and I have been together for 12 years, married for 4- no kids. We've been separated on and off over the past year. Our relationship has had its ups and down and has included major lies and deceptions on both sides. I also have a strong tendency towards codependency.
He was the one who initiated the initial separation as well as the subsequent ones. For most of the time we were separated I wanted to get back together. I finally started casually dating and almost immediately met someone who I connect with deeply. My husband is now ready to start trying again. I don't think I want to anymore. I still consider him my best friend and we were together all of those years. I don't know what to do.
When we separated he told me he wasn't sure if I could push him in the way that he needed, that we didn't communicate well and that we weren't sexually compatible. We do communicate much better and the sex has improved. I feel like he isn't in love with me anymore, that I can't trust him and that he is always judging me and that he pushes me too hard. I'm not sure I'm in love with him anymore either but I'm not sure what that looks like 14 years again. We agree that we both love each other.
How do I decide if my marriage or if it's something I should save?
.
TL;DR: | Husband and I have been separated for a year. He's been dating the woman he cheated on me with. I'm falling for another guy. Is it time to end it |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My SO [14 F] and I [18 M] trying to be together, highschool age difference problems.
POST: There's this girl I like, right?
Well, she's seemingly great for me, and likes me back. We have a lot of feelings for each other actually. But she's a Freshman and I'm a senior (both in High School), so we have a difference of four years. This is perfectly fine with her, my family and I.
But the "alpha male" of her family (i.e her brother who is in his 20s, despite the fact that her father has custody, not him) disagrees because I'm legally an adult. The way I see it, laws were just put in place by humanity to ,correct the wrong. This isn't wrong-- not as long as she thinks it's right.
Before her family knew we wanted to date, I wrote a letter to her father, asking to date her, and attempting to convince him that it wouldn't be a problem. After the letter was delivered (and showed to the brother as well), I found out that the brother is the alpha male. The brother has the only say in who she's allowed to date, so the girl gave the note to her brother, telling him to read it as if it were written for him.
I was immediately denied the privilage of dating her without question. He doesn't own her, so technically we could date anyway, but he could also physically assault me for doing so, and/or report me for pedophilism (not sure about that last one).
I need advice. I'm powerless now; she's seemingly the only one that can do anything about it (e.g convince her brother it's okay or bug him until he gives up and agrees).
What should I do about this? I'll be out of high school somewhat soon, and off to college. I know it'll be hard to stay with her at that point but I want to get to know her, and I want to date her, even IF it's only for a little while.
I just need help/consolation/advice. I'm worried we wont be able to be together. Thanks for reading
TL;DR: | Alpha male of the family of the girl I like (her brother in his 20s) doesn't have custody of the girl, but thinks our age difference is too huge. What do i do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Exboyfriend [21M] wants a casual relationship with me [19F]. What does that mean?
POST: My ex and I have been through a lot and care a lot about each other. We were together 2 years and just began seeing each other 3 months ago. We originally decided to be friends with benefits, which, surprise surprise, never actually works. He began acting like we were dating -- being intimate, buying me a massage, going on dates with me, holding hands, doing things that lovers in a relationship do. My feelings got progressively stronger and I decided that I would be willing to work towards a relationship with him.
Although he was already acting like we were in a relationship, as soon as I voiced that I wanted more, he backed away. He said his focus is on school right now and that a relationship would drive him from his focus and that all he could do is a casual relationship and nothing more. But our relationship was anything BUT casual, and he acted like he wanted that.
I asked him if he could see himself with me and he said he doesn't think that way and cannot answer that question. His words and his actions are polar opposites. When he's with me, I feel the love he has for me. But as soon as he's behind a bit of technology, he completely closes off. What is a casual relationship and what in the world should I do?
TL;DR: | ex boyfriend acts like he loves me, then says he can only do a casual relationship with me. What should I do and what does that mean? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: F(21) Started dating a new guy M(26). Texting problem on my end.
POST: I started seeing a new guy a month ago, and I really like him! Great guy, really polite and sweet, we always laugh a lot together, I could go on. I have a great time with him when we're together, but I guess I just am looking for a little outside perspective on texting.
My last relationship was borderline abusive emotionally- he was very controlling and insecure, so we texted all day long. I assume that was moreso because he wanted to make sure I wasn't doing anything "suspicious" etc.
The new guy texts me throughout the day, but I see myself getting offended if he doesn't text me in the morning or doesn't respond for a few hours. And I absolutely hate that I'm feeling this way. I'm a very independent person, and I like to be left alone often to do my own thing. He's the same way and I love that. He has his own friends, his own life, and he hasn't shown any signs of being the overly jealous type.
How do I resolve this within myself? I just keep thinking that he must not be interested in me anymore if he doesn't text me for a few hours. I think that I'll be able to adjust with time, but I don't want to scare him off.
TL;DR: | Don't text as often with the current guy I'm seeing and I'm realizing that some problems from my last relationship may have rubbed off more than I'd realized :/ |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: My drug plan and child support will be cut off by my father on my birthday in April. I am sick with Chrons, and can't afford my medication. What do I do?
POST: Hey everyone. I am looking for advice as what I am to do. To start, I live in Canada so we do have OHIP. However, as part of the separation agreement my dad is required to provide me a drug plan until I turn 22 (which is in April). Once he cuts off this plan I am unsure of what to do. Currently I am on Humira (which is 30,000$ a year) and Immuran (200 a month). These drugs are the once I take regularly. This doesn't include all the side prescriptions, for pain, flare ups, colonoscopies etc. The reason I ask if I can do anything is because I am a University student, and I was told by a lawyer (who looked over the separation agreement and said that is it 'wishy washy') that I could take him to court to pay for a drug plan until I finish school. Is this true? I can't afford a lawyer do to be a broke ass student, and legal aid will do nothing to help except recommend me a lawyer to see of one free hour.
Also on my birthday my father no longer has to pay child support, which sucks because again, I am still in university. So basically my dad gets away free this year, while I struggle to work go to school, meet ends meet, and stay out of the hospital (which with crohn's is very difficult to do)
Reddit, I am looking for advice as what to do about me father (if it not obvious we don't really have a relationship), and if I should take him to court how do I go about that.
TL;DR: | Dad is ending my drug plan and child support on my birthday in april. I am sick with crohn's and I am in university. Can I take him to court to force him to pay until I am done school? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by making my wife cry
POST: Happened like an hour ago an d wife just left for work. So this all starts on me swinging into the furniture store on a whim. We've been looking for a couch for some time now and I finally found one we can afford (broke and in college). So I try calling for a hour for her to come see it. Eventually I gave up and came home to find out she had the phone on silent the whole, Idiot I am I snapped at her a bit about not answering. So I'm already off to a great start as we get in the car to look at the couch. Well in the previous hour of waiting I had found an old turn table that just needs a belt replacement that they were giving away. Well we're almost there and I mention that I plan on bringing that home too. She says that she rather I didn't and I get grumpy. Well we get there she like the couch fine as I slouch off to look at the my dream turn table slipping away. I beg her to at least look at it so I could try to argue my point. I tell her its really nice and that it would be great to get it. Instead of being like fine whatever or no she starts crying there in the store and says that I should at least see the one I bought you for Christmas before you get it. And now I'm home with a new couch and a lot of guilt.
TL;DR: | looked at a couch on whim, also saw new (to me) turn table. Instead having a happy wife I made her cry by being an asshole. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 M] with my girlfriend [20 F] of 2 months, she broke up with me after a nice evening out together and wont tell me why. She's now not talking to me.
POST: So, I need some advice on how to get back in touch with my girlfriend as I dont want to make things worse.
In a nutshell, yes our relationship is quite new but we are so over-the-hills for each other, extremely committed and loyal, we're a really compassionate couple and we've both never had a better relationship than this one, we both have everything we want in this relationship, it's truly perfect...
So we went on a date on Monday as we normally do (we both have days off work then), went to the movies, it was great to cuddle up in an empty cinema and enjoy each others' company. I drive her back to her place (she lives with parents) and as she gets out the car she says, "I dont want to see you again".
Me, confused, didn't think much of it - I was worried, but I thought, i'll just message her in the morning. I find out she's blocked my number, removed me from social media sites. I cant get in touch with her and now Im super worried because this has suddenly become a real thing.
Im so confused how it spouted out from nowhere, I at least want closure, but more than anything - I want my girlfriend back!
So I'm thinking, should I just drive round her house and see her? I'll have to deal with parents (whom they're totally lovely btw), some friends have told me to talk through her friends and get her to unblock my number, some friends have suggested talking to her parents directly to talk sense into their daughter; some have suggested to leave it a week - but im worried she's going to super convince herself that we're over if I dont act in time :( but I dont know what to do.
What's your advice?
TL;DR: | GF impromptu broke up after a perfect day out. blocks my number and facebook - im trying to reconnect with her without making things worse. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [16F] am being forced to go to church by my father [54M]
POST: I am the only atheist in the house with his fiancee [46F] and her two kids [18F] and [15M]. He's known since I was in middle school that I wasn't religious and didn't make me go to church. Now that we live with his fiancee (wife in a week) he's starting to make me go, today being the second time.
Let me say that I've always been a good student, never had problems at school or with my grades, and because of that he gives me a lot of freedom when I see my friends who live an hour+ away. He SAYS that he trusts me. If that's true I'm not sure why he thinks I need God in my life when it's clear I'm doing okay without it.
Obviously I need to talk to him, but because this is a touchy subject with pretty much everyone, I want to tread lightly.
Sorry if I'm not clear enough, I'm trying to type this before we leave so I have something to come back to.
TL;DR: | Basically the title. My dad is making me go to church when I don't believe in that, I need advice on what to say to him as to not offend him but so he sees where I'm coming from. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: LDR-He[19M] pressures ME[18F] to go visit...
POST: My SO and I have been together for almost 2 years now and we have always talked about meeting someday. We have always been happy together and love each other very much, but lately I have been very pressured about us meeting.
I live in Mexico and he is in the USA. In order to come see him, I will need a tourist visa, but I know it is very hard to and they keep your money (over $100usd) even if they dont approve your visa.
I really want to come see him, but every time I have talked to someone about wanting to get my visa have been telling me it is unlikely i will get it because :
1. I don't work
2. I havent started college
3. Don't own a house
and therefore I cant really show that I have no intent on staying in the USA...
He is in college and wants me to visit him THIS winter break (Dec-Jan), but I am afraid I will spend my money in vain to try to get the visa for next month.
I have explained this to him, and even asked him if he would be okay with visiting me in Mexico, but he says no because he doesn't know Mexico and would like to be able to take me out to eat, movies, etc..
I love him so much, and he loves me, but he has been saying "If we keep pushing the date, what if we end up not being able to meet for years? I don't want to wait that long" because we have been wanting to meet for the past year(and it has always been me who had to visit, but I have had various good reasons why we havent been able to meet yet).
**Question:**
Is the risk of losing the $100usd+ for the visa worth potentially getting it? And if I dont get it/choose not to take the risk, how can I explain this to him?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend wants me to visit him this winter, but it is unlikely that I will get my visa approved, but he refuses to come to Mexico to visit me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [20M] I want to have sex yet don't want to force my girlfriend [18F]. She gave me a timeline for when she'd be ready "before our junior year." I don't think I can wait that long.
POST: So my girlfriend and I have been talking about when we are going to have sex. A little background first:
*We have been dating for a year and a half.
*We are in a LDR.
I know I really like her. She's amazing she's smart, funny, and cute. So, we were talking about which one of our friends have had sex, and all of them had. I stupidly feel in competition with my friends (I know I shouldn't but I do.) So I asked my girlfriend when she wants to have sex, and she didn't know, but she gave me a timeline saying, "Let's say before our junior year of college." And I don't know if I can wait that long. It's two freaking years at minimum. I want to respect her decision but I don't know how I will.
Am I overreacting? If I am overreacting how do I deal with this? Can someone put this in perspective for me?
TL;DR: | SO doesn't want to have sex. I do. She gave me a timeline. I don't know if I can do it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [21M] I really want to tell [25F] how I feel... but she's leaving and we'll probably never have a chance together.
POST: Brief backstory: I'm a college junior. I started dating this other girl back freshman year, she studied abroad sophomore year, we tried things again junior year and that relationship went up in flames. It never really ended until quite recently.
I met 25F when I was a sophomore, and was instantly impressed. She is cool, funny, smart, beautiful, the works. I was too afraid of screwing things up with my current relationship to try to start a new one. I know that this was a mistake. The first relationship really didn't pan out, but that's another story.
Long, long story short: 25F is graduating in less than a week. She is going to take a year off and try to do some online grad school in her hometown, far away from where I'm going to college. After that year, she reports to the Air Force for a 4-5 year rotation in Hawaii. I really, really like her, and have reason to believe she likes me too. Obviously, it sucks that I've waited until the last minute.
I really want to tell her how I feel - that I always liked her, that I want to be with her, and that I am sorry for never having told her sooner. I am just worried if this would upset her - assuming she had feelings for me too, would she be upset that I waited this long to tell her, now that she's leaving? Would it be better not to tell her at all?
This is weird for me to be so sappy but I've even caught myself thinking ahead 5-6 years - that maybe when she gets back we'd have a chance together, and how wonderful that would be.
TL;DR: | Is it better to say goodbye to someone without ever telling them how you feel, or tell them and *then* have to say goodbye? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: So I [20F] went on a date today with [28M] and we saw his ex [21F]..
POST: I've been messaging a ex work colleague for a few days now, and today we decided to go for a drink together. Everything was going great, up until we saw his ex girlfriend.
Where we were drinking was fairly quiet, and she decided to sit close enough to us to make us feel uncomfortable, but far enough to keep her distance. All I could hear is sniggering, and them insulting us, so I asked my date did he want to leave, and he said yes, so we did.
We then went somewhere else for a drink, and then went for a long walk together (we didn't get home until 1:30am). He walked me home, and exchanged goodbyes.
When I got home, out of morbid curiosity I checked his ex's Facebook page, which I wish I hadn't done. She wrote two status's directed at myself and him (even though he has her blocked, and I don't have her on Facebook), and was abusive towards the way I look, and said that he was "downgrading" from her, to being out with me. I have never met this girl before, so I don't see why she's being so hostile towards me.
I suppose the real question is, do I tell my date what I saw on her Facebook page? His ex gf is very friendly with the people he works with, so I don't want to make things awkward for him at work, but it's eating away at me.
TL;DR: | Went on a date and saw his ex gf while out. Checked her Facebook and saw she'd been slandering me on there, even though I haven't even met her before. How to proceed? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20M] don't know how to tell a girl [18M] I recently started dating that I suffer from depression.
POST: As the title would suggest I am currently undergoing treatment for major depressive disorder as well as anxiety. It is working to an extent and I am continuing with the process. The medicine I am taking has helped tremendously in all social aspects from making friends to flirting with women. I am finally starting to see aspects of the charming, confident, and happy guy I once was. As my condition improved I was actually able to get myself to go out. I met this really great girl about a month ago and we have been dating since then. She's cute, smart, and loves the same painfully cheesy puns I do. We really enjoy spending time together and have really clicked.
Unfortunately, the treatment of depression is a process and as such there will still be those days where it seems like even getting out of the bed is impossible. Yesterday we were together, talking and making out when mid-kiss she pulls back and asks "Is everything alright, you usually seem more into it". Now decreased libido and energy are both aspects of my depression and part of me wanted to tell her. But I chose the cowardly route and said "Oh yeah it's just been a long week and I'm really tired". I felt as if I were to just drop the fact that I have a mental illness on her it would scare her away.
However, I feel like building a relationship with such a big secret hidden could eventually ruin the relationship. So my question is how and when should I tell her about my depression? I feel if I wait too long then she will lose interest because of various symptoms. Yet we have only known each other a month which seems a bit short to bring up mental illness.
TL;DR: | My depression is improving from treatment and I met a really great girl about a month ago because of that. She is starting to notice symptoms of it and I need to tell her eventually. How and when do I tell her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19] M and my girlfriend [21] F are in a rocky relationship
POST: Next month marks four years of us being together. The relationship started going downhill last year when i went to college, she was jealous of me possibly going to parties and doing things with other girls, presumably because in 2012 i kissed another girl right around the time we started dating and this still bothers her it seems. Due to me being overworked by classes and school we took a 6 month break around my second semester of last year. We both obviously care for each other and love each other but the relationship doesn't seem to be working ever since we started talking again after the break. I told her that we should talk in person to see where the relationship is at and until then we should sort of put it on 'hold' so to say. She wanted to come over pretty much in the next 1-2 days but due to my classes and her working the closest time we can meet is 2 weeks out, which seemed to bother her as it was quite a ways away it felt.
TL;DR: | Me and my gf of 4 years are having trouble making it work due to uni i advised we go on a 'hold' until talking irl. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, my newly ex-girlfriend has admitted to cheating on my for the past year and is now pregnant with the guys kid. I own everything in her apartment, and I want it back, but I feel like a dick to take it all. What do?
POST: Reddit I dated my ex-girlfriend for ~1 year. 2 weeks ago she decided to end our relationship out of the blue, but she wanted to remain friends. Our friendship quickly deteriorated as I still wanted to be in a relationship with her. Just recently she has told me that during our relationship she had been seeing another man on the side, and she is now pregnant with his child... before admitting that she had told me it was my child.
We lived together for 2 months, and during that time I was never officially on the lease, but I own everything in that apartment. I want my belongings back, but at the same time I feel like a huge dick for taking everything and leaving her with nothing, what do?
I have already been to small claims court, I have the papers ready to be served to her... but I can't bring myself to serve the papers.
TL;DR: | Recently ex-girlfriend admitted to cheating during our entire relationship, I own everything in her apartment, I kinda want my stuff back, but I can't bring myself to get it. What do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Need your help on how I should break up with her.
POST: I started seeing this girl (for ref. I'll call her lauri) back in the beginning of November. Things escalated quickly and we had sex within the first week of finding out we had mutual feelings towards each other. Lauri had helped me get acquainted to college and parties my first week of college as a freshman, and we had been good friends for over a year and then we hooked up.
I should have been more weary, for obvious reasons, to get into a relationship with her, because of our mutual friends, and past on top of that. I never looked at her as a potential mark, but when we first made out, I had just recently gotten out of a long, trying relationship, and was weak enough to fall back on the idea of it possibly working out. Sure enough, I found our conversations to be bland, and the connection just wasn't there for me. I could tell she was smitten with me, or at least trying to secure me down into a relationship for her own stability. I was partially okay with this at the time.
Cut to the beginning of January 2014, and I hit it off with this new girl, charli. Charli shares the same taste of music with me, we engage in the same activities, we laugh with each other, and communication is a breeze. I haven't felt a connection like this with another human in a long time, so I was ready to drop everything and pursue this Charli.
Problem is, my school is on a weird month long break (dec 20-jan 23) so I can't break up with Lauri until I get back and I don't want to actively pursue Charli untl Lauri and I are officially done.
TL;DR: | Want to dump lauri for charli, but on a month long school break, both want to hang out when I get back. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I need help. I'm an asshole, and I enjoy this about myself a little too much... How do I fix this?
POST: First off, just let me say I never (willing) express my asshole thoughts towards anyone. I'm always nice towards everyone, even if I'm mentally talking shit to them in the same moment.
I feel like my main problem is that I take small moments of human error and turn them into huge failings that I attribute to the rest of society. For example, a lot of the people I pick up on my bus routes (yes, I'm a bus driver) exhibit behavior that I just don't understand where they picked it up from.
Example 1) I've seen people try to put multiple bills into the farebox all at once.
Example 2) People will pull crumpled bills out of their pockets, and without even unfolding the bill, try to insert it into the farebox.
Example 3) People trying to put bills where the coins go, and coins where the bills go.
So, like I said, I'm an asshole. Because of daily facepalming I have endured, I now assume most people are mentally retarded before they even step onto the bus. Even the people who are nice I assume are bound to fuck up soon. And, of course, I don't only do this at work. I feel this way towards everyone I see.
I'm aware that I make mistakes, too. I try to put myself in other people's shoes, but it doesn't seem to work. I don't know what I need to do to be less misanthropic.
TL;DR: | I'm looking at world through blood-red lenses, and it's starting to rip apart my sanity. Some insight would be fantastic. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Keep waking up
POST: Hey Reddit.
A couple of weeks ago, I accidentally overcharged a battery in the night, and to make a long story short, I wound up snapping awake to discover my carpet on fire. Not a big fire, but as you can imagine it freaked me out pretty bad, and it left a few nasty burn marks on the ground. Since then, I've been a little overzealous in unplugging electronics before bed, but I digress.
These past 2 nights, now, I've been snapping awake in a panic thinking I smell my carpet burning again, with last night even having a half-waking visual hallucination of flames. I know it wasn't real because there was no evidence of further flame when I checked it out, so I figure it was a partial nightmare, but nonetheless I've had this happen two nights in a row after a week of no problems.
Is this just a sort of PTSD reaction? Tonight's paranoia and event makes no sense, as the only 2 things plugged in the wall at all are my phone and lamp, so I *know* there's nothing to cause an issue. Is it just paranoia causing my senses to go into panic mode and smell the remnants of burned carpet? This is just getting infuriating and terrifying the more it happens. Is there anything that can be done to help me move past it?
Thanks, and I'm sorry about the wall-of-text. I literally just snapped awake, and upon discovering there was no danger, decided to write this post... so I'm a little sleep-addled still.
TL;DR: | a couple weeks ago I awoke to my room on fire. Now I'm paranoid and keep thinking I smell it again, making it hard to sleep. What do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Parenting
TITLE: 16 month old with bad allergies, help?
POST: My 2nd child, a 16month old boy, is apparently dealing with his first bout of allergies due to the unseasonably warm weather. He really has a great attitude about it, but his eyes are very swollen and the sheer volume of eye-boogers is creepy.
A little cough here and there, but he's eating fine, etc. He weighs in the area of 27-28 lbs (~2 st), I'm trying to figure out the proper way to handle this; if there's a baby allergy med out there I don't know about and dietary adjustments that could help. I didn't develop allergies until near 30, and the wife doesn't have 'em, nor does his older sibling.
It's affecting his sleep, and his vision, and I want to make sure I'm doing everything I can. Thoughts? Opinions?
TL;DR: | 16 month old has bad allergies. he's around 28 lbs, or about 2 stone for you limeys. Got any tips to make his life better? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [19F] roommate [18F] isn't showering and smells up the room, but gets defensive when I bring it up.
POST: My roommate, who I have signed a lease with for next year living in the same bedroom, smells awful.
Earlier in the semester she started dating somebody, and would shower every time before going over to their place.
Now she's become comfortable with her S/O enough so that she hasn't showered in a very long time, leaves piles of dirty clothes around the dorm room, and leaves food out to spoil.
She's very sensitive about the subject, and when I've hinted at the smell of the room in the past, she's retaliated immediately with that my shoes in my closet smell bad (I've put an air freshener in there since she mentioned it, and the smell went away), and was be passive aggressive for the rest of the day.
She's always been a smoker, but she's started smoking more frequently now, and the smell sticks to her clothes and fills the room with a stale smoke smell that I hate.
She can be rather volatile and passive aggressive, which makes me nervous about confronting her. I mentioned the smoke smell tonight, and she got defensive, ignored me (being outwardly irritated that I was talking to her while she was doing an assignment), and later went to bed.
Suggestions for how can I get her to take care of the smell (mostly the stale cigarette smell) without things blowing up?
TL;DR: | My roommate smells really bad, stopped showering, and leaves stale cigarette smell in room. She's sensitive about the topic, and gets angry/passive aggressive if I bring it up. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me 23 M and ex 21 F of 4 yrs, mother is sick and want to be there for her
POST: We were engaged, a little while ago her mother came down with an incurable and unknown disease that is slowly killing her mother. She said she wanted a break which she said meant that we split and there is a chance we get back together. Her reason was "It's better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel alone."
I really can't be certain but I think shes suffering and pushing everyone away.
I too felt alone in her company, but it stems from her behavior and tone towards me. I don't know if me sticking around is the best thing, because I have this problem. I honestly don't mean too but I'm inattentive, and my mind wanders very easily. I think its due in part to a disorder I may have but it sounds like an excuse and I have trouble accepting that I can't change it as a reality.
What few friends I have but one believe with all certainty that I just don't care. To make matters worse is I've been very busy and also behind in my daily tasks, struggling.
I've looked inward and I'm just not sure i can change this. Have any of you had a problem like this? When did it change? Why did it change? and how?
TL;DR: | Gf said wanted a break, her mom is sick. want to be there for her, but don't know if I'm capable due to shortcomings. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by being on the Internet
POST: I just realized I do have a reddit account to submit stuff but this happened about 2 years ago.
I have a great job but before that, I was a male escort on backpage. I did it for about 5 months and I thought it would be a good chance to to make a little extra cash. I'm a male btw and I only serviced women. I was in shape at the time and had pictures of me in open shirts and uniforms. My first mistake was having my face posted. My second mistake was having my ACTUAL phone number posted.
I stopped being an male escort when I was hired full-time for a job. About a year after I was hired, my boss told me I should be careful what I put on the Internet, whether its Facebook or anything. I was clueless as to what she was talking about. I replied saying "I know not to put my business of Facebook." She kept mentioning not just Facebook. Still clueless, and by the look on my face she knew how clueless I was, she brought out a printed picture of the ad from the time I was an escort.
My mouth dropped....No words could express the embarrassment I was in. I wanted to act like it wasn't me but the proof was there. In all it's Glory.
She said HR Googled my phone number on the whim and the ad popped up. (A year later! Why would they just do that?) Luckily, My boss ensured HR I was a good kid and expressed how great of an employee I was. I'm sure her honey-sweet words secured me from not getting fired. I deleted the ad that day.
The reason I remembered that event: I was talking to my boss today about how working the holidays and getting paid time in a half doesn't feel like it was enough. Without thinking, I said "I can sell my body and make more......uhhhhh." She walks away laughing and I told her to forgot I said anything. She jokingly says, "You should lose weight if you wanna try that again." FML
TL;DR: | Was a male escort. A year after being hired full-time, HR googles my phone number. Boss finds out. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [28M/24F] Can a relationship go on if the sexual attraction stops between the two?
POST: I met this girl last year and we both decided to get married. We hit it off really well. Everything was going on fine. Although the physical intimacy started a little late. But when it started it was going strong for a couple of months.
This was all a fairy tale till 6 months back.
Every sort of physical intimacy stopped immediately. We were no longer making out, kissing or any taking part in any other sort of intimate activity.
A month back, we started having serious differences in our relationship. We started to keep distance between ourselves. So much was the seriousness of this issues that at times we kept physical presence away too. FYI, we both stay in the same city but different parts of it. We are both in a job.
We sat down a few days back to discuss what's wrong.
Turns out, we both believe the spark has gone. We no longer feel intimate to each other. Every thing just came to a stand still.
Also, we both started feeling we are just two friends hanging out together. I feel like she is just a good buddy to me. She thinks the same.
Is this because we stopped our sexual intimacy?
Can this sexual intimacy be triggered again?
Can we get out of this friendzone and get back on the track again?
Please help us.
Thanks.
TL;DR: | We stopped getting sexually attracted to each other. And we have friendzoned each other. Is this normal? Can we undo this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How do I get my dad to divorce my mom?
POST: Background: I am the middle of three siblings in my family. Since I was younger I watched my older sister receive extremely unjust punishments from my mom, as much as I tried to learn how not follow in her footsteps I had no choice. There are an uncountable number of instances where she acts irrationally and child-like. I can see this is slowly tearing my family apart; my entire extended family knows how she is and will not stand up to her. Now that I am older I see the same thing happening to my little sister and it sickens me. Regardless of the situations she yells, threatens financially (I am in college now) and if I try to have an 'adult conversation' with her and the conversation is not going her way she will drop the conversation/leave the room/hang up the phone; it is obviously very frustrating.
If it were just that I could live with cutting her out of my life and my sisters, although for obvious reasons her financial support is greatly appreciated. The kicker is that my dad is extremely unhappy and it kills me to see him so docile and tame. My dad is my hero, he has accomplished so much and I can never look negatively at him in any light. When the fights/punishments first started he would evaluate the situation and help everyone to see the rights and wrongs and 'side' with the one in the right. As the years passed he would get in trouble for not immediately taking her side and so now he is on her side in force while he is merely a shadow of who I used to know. This has affected every aspect of his personality now. Reddit, I'm not sure if I'm right, wrong, or if there are other options I haven't explored but I would like hear your opinions and advice on how to help my dad or get him away from my mother.
Note: There has never been any physical violence.
TL;DR: | Mom is crazy and tearing my family apart while making my committed dad unhappy. How do I help my dad? Talking to her does not work. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, what is your best bad situation turned good story?
POST: Here's mine;
I have to older brothers, 7 and 9 years older than me. I always tried to fit in with them/hang out with them and their friends but I was always kind of denied, understandably. Well one day when I was about 10, I had one of the weirdest/best days of my life. Earlier in the day, I told my oldest brother that I knew I could beat him in NFL Blitz 2002. He was so confident I could not, that he bet me a pizza. Well, I beat him (really the only time I can remember doing that) and I got my pizza.
Well, my other brother had been hanging out with his girlfriend that whole day, so after the game I figured I would see what they were up to. By this I mean, I snuck upstairs so they couldn't hear me and planned to scare them. I crawled through the hall and slowly opened the door, to see my brother with his girlfriend who was pretty much completely undressed. My brother was kissing her stomach, presumably about to go down on her. When I saw this I flipped out, and started crawling away from the room as fast as possible.
My brother and his girlfriend heard this, and ran out after me (she had put her clothes back on). I was scared for my life, my brother was not the kindest of people. To my utter surprise, my brother told me if I never brought it up, we could go rent a movie and order a pizza. I got the movie I wanted, and I got a second pizza.
TL;DR: | When I was ten, I beat my oldest brother in NFL Blitz, got a pizza, Saw tits, thought I was going to die, and instead got a movie and another pizza. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU a road trip and wasted $400 by not checking the basics
POST: So, I went on a trip for a few days, driving from Florida to Indianapolis and back. On the way up, I had a tire crack due to dry rot (and proceeded to drive over 900 miles with a severely left-pulling car, thinking the alignment was off.) Replacing the tire in Indy ate up most of my available funds for the spontaneous trip, and I ended up vacationing very sparsely on borrowed money.
On the way home, my car (which was pushing 100K miles) started really struggling to accelerate. It wouldn't go above 40-45 mph, even when I pushed the pedal as hard as I could. At first, I thought my little Scion was struggling with the mountainous terrain of Tennessee, but the problem persisted the whole way home, turning a 19-hour straight-through drive into a 23-hour drive and making me late (and dead tired) to work the next day.
After borrowing even MORE money, I took my car to get a basic fluid change, hoping the issue was transmission fluid or something. $40, no change. The oil change place recommended a new air filter. $30. They said it didn't look too bad, but the car was at 100K miles so I figured, better do it. Still no change. Next, they recommended a fuel filter change.
Well, the fuel filter in a Scion can only be changed by ripping out the whole seat, so off to the dealership we go. $320 and a new fuel filter later, I get a call from Mike at the dealership telling me to come pick the car up. When I arrived, this is what I was told:
"So, we changed the fuel filter out. It didn't look like it was too bad, but the car's at 100K miles so we changed it. We don't think that was your problem, as the filter wasn't very clogged. We put the whole seat assembly back together. When we did, we noticed your floormat was curled up and jammed under the gas pedal, so we pulled that out for you."
TL;DR: | Spent $400 and panicked the whole way home from a vacation to find my car wasn't accelerating because the fucking floormat was crammed under the gas pedal. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: It's been seven months, but I find I think about her more than ever
POST: Basics: 26 year old male
The break-up happened in October, about seven months ago now. First two months were soso, not happy, not unhappy about how it happened. January things started sliding down hill, and early February, I hit bottom.
Climbing back up ever since (although with a startling emotional throwback to February that lasted all of four hours this week), and making good progress. Eating habits have changed completely, gym is a regular part of the week, therapist two times a week, finances have never been better, and self-confidence is higher than it's been since the relationship started to fall apart. All in all, I'd consider myself a success story, having come from the [pit of despair] to feeling good about myself.
So, why do I find myself thinking about her more *now* than I have at any point since February? I don't honestly expect any of you to have an answer, but I'm just throwing this out there as more of a rhetorical/psychological inquiry. I've been reading a lot of self-help books at the recommendation of my therapist lately, and I keep finding this concept of (unhealthily) masking the pain of her leaving by my subconscious pulling up any happy thought it can.
Has anyone else had this happen, and been able to deal with it successfully? I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't becoming a problem. Not only does it obviously upset me a bit to find myself focusing on her, I'm very into trying to do things that are good for *me* these days, and this is absolutely not helping. Any advice that my fellow RA'ers have would be greatly appreciated.
Also, thanks to all of you. RA has been a great outlet during this process, and although I know I can be long winded and have a tendency to gripe, I've never felt like I need to stifle or alter myself in order to get some quality feedback from all of you. It's much appreciated, believe me.
TL;DR: | If you ever had a really painful thought that you couldn't get out of your head, how did you eventually get it to go away? |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: Today was productive
POST: IMPENDING WALL OF TEXT, I USED THE SPEECH OPTION ON MY PHONE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Yesterday I was very upset that I want to have a background on my mobile and my tablet and I could find one that fits my personality quite right. I wanted one that, you know reflected my video game interest and I couldn't quite find one that was high resolution that meant something personally to me. and today I did something really cool at least I think I did something cool today I drew my own background using an app for my tablet and it was really cool cuz when it was all said and done I really liked the end product. And actually I now know what I want to do with my life I know what I want to do for a career I know what I want to do for my job I know what I want to go to school for that's huge for me because I had no idea yesterday I actually had an existential crisis yesterday because I had no idea what I wanted to do in life and what I was going to do and if I was going to fail but now I know what I want to do I want to animate I want to draw I want to make art and it's just the craziest thing cuz I always knew I was good at drawing but never actually considered myself good enough to make a living out of always thought I was too frustrating for me always but that I couldn't deal with that I always thought that I would be my own worst enemy today using a program to draw I figured out what I was missing I did I finally realize what I needed to do all these all this time I was drawing and I kept getting upset I kept getting frustrated but I use the program and all the things that I got upset about on paper those problems didn't exist they were sold I can do anything it was just so liberating I didn't even have to focus I didn't even have to try to focus I did take my meds today but today I said hey let's do this and I did it I did it.
TL;DR: | I drew my own background for my tablet and phone, and I realized I want to draw, and animate for a living. I also didn't have to struggle with to focus. (I have some severe ADHD) |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Post college redditors. Do you think the "college experience" was necessary?
POST: Before anything let me give you a quick background. I'm just shy of turning 24 and didn't finish school (2 years community college) because I was dumb and decided being in a touring band (metalcore screamo type) would be a much better idea. While I don't necessairly regret it I do regret passing on the whole college experience. Currently I'm working a post production job on a newly aired Tv show. While I love what I do ive wondered if its ever too late to really do the whole college thing.
Note: I'm not saying I want to give up my current career or anything crazy like that. What I'm asking is if that "college experience" is something that everyone should experience?
TL;DR: | I didn't go to college but am curious if the whole "college experience" is worth considering going back for? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Should I [21M] buy my friend [21F] a sneaky, special birthday/christmas present. When is it okay to give presents to the opposite gender?
POST: So I've been thinking about giving my very good friend a special present for her birthday/christmas. Her birthday is on the 24th of December.
I've only known her for a about 7 months now, and she's quickly become my best friend. I might even be having some feelings for her, but that is **NOT** why I want to give her a present. I just really want to make her happy!!
Since I don't want her to know I'm writing this, I'm gonna be really vague and say, **that I know she'll love the present**. She loves doing this specific thing, and the subject matter of the present is something she is very very interested in.
The present isn't very expensive. Around £13.
**We've never given gifts before, and my birthday is pretty soon, and there is no way she is giving me anything, neither am I going to let her! :D**
It's gonna be a sneaky present, cause she isn't expecting it, and it'll be special cause I know she'll love it..
I haven't bought it yet, and I was beginning to doubt whether this is actually okay to do??
I'm not very experienced with deep friendships or even relationships, so I don't really know the norms of things (often to the great amusement of my friend :D).
Is this present okay? I'll be completely clear and say **that I'm not giving her this gift to make her fall in love with me or something crazy like that. I'm doing it because I want to make her happy, and I want her to have something from me, because I care about her**
Is this too big of a deal?
TL;DR: | Want to give my female friend (whom I like) a present for her birthday. When can you give gifts to friends of the other gender, and would this be more weird than sweet?? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My[20M] Girlfriend[19/F] keeps paying attention to another guy[19/M]
POST: Hello, community,
this has been on my mind for a couple of days now.
Basically, what happened, is that my girlfriend met a new guy in class and regularly talks to him, we'll call him John. They text almost every day and even have hour-long skype sessions every now and then.
Last saturday I got invited to the cinema by a couple of friends of mine. I was allowed to bring my girlfriend with me aswell.
So we went to the cinema and additional to my friends (A and B) to my surprise there was also this guy my girlfriend talked to recently alot. As it happens, John is a friend of one of my friends aswell. She was VERY happy to see him to say the least, while I was a tad annoyed but still greeted everyone.
As we went to watch the movie nothing much happened as everyone is usually quiet at the movie.
(Except my girlfriend offered a good amount of her popcorn to John)
After that everyone was up to go to dinner together aswell. So we went to the restaurant (it's actually more like a pizza-bar) that's right next to the cinema. I ordered myself and my girlfriend a pizza we both liked and all got some drinks. Neither of us drank too much, but as the evening went on it felt like i was having conversations with my friends A and B which my girlfriend didn't participate in but was rather having a fun time with John. Constantly laughing about his jokes and looking at him. She maybe paid 5 minutes as a whole in our conversation and the rest of the time she giggled at John's jokes etc.
I found it highly uncomfortable and my friend A told me that he made the same observation and got a weird vibe of my girlfriend and John.
He said though, that it was nothing of his concern but he just found it weird. And admittedly I do too.
But now the question arises of how to bring it up to my GF without sounding like a controlling jerk?
TL;DR: | having bad feelings of my gf and her newly founded friendship with a classmate. Need advice on how to approach the matter |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Need advice on dealing with my [18M] girlfriend's [18F] somewhat overprotective Greek parents who want their daughter to have a Greek boyfriend
POST: For a bit of background, everything is fine between me and her, but her parents are somewhat protective, not letting us see each other often or even text each other often, to the point where she had to convince them we're only going to stay friends in order for us to go places together and pretend she's messaging other people when messaging me.
The biggest problem though is that parents are very against her dating someone who isn't greek, which I am not at all (south american living in Australia, but came here at a young age). I've met both of them a few times and had pretty general conversations with them, but haven't spoken about this with them at all yet, though I'm fairly sure I've left a good impression. So I guess my question is:
TL;DR: | how do I deal with and create a friendly relationship with my girlfriend's greek parents who want her to have a greek boyfriend? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: BF mad because of my (always) hidden relationship status.
POST: My boyfriend and I (23, F & M) have been dating for 6 months. Today he realized that my relationship status on facebook is hidden. Not "single", but hidden and he's really pissed off. It's been like this since I've joined facebook years ago. Boyfriends have come and gone but my relationship always stayed hidden because I don't believe the world needs to know that much about my personal life, especially since I use my page for mostly blog-type posts about non-personal things. I don't see how this is a major problem especially since I show up in his relationship status anyway, hyperlinked and all. Our friends know we're dating and our parents know we're dating. I just want him to stop being so cross with me about something so trivial. How can I get through to him?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend mad because of hidden relationship status on facebook, how can I get him to understand that this is completely silly and he need not worry? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Crazy Sh*t you did, where you thought you were screwed...but weren't?
POST: When I was a young and crazy University student of first year, my best friend at the time got some easy money. We had a brief period of coke usage and she wanted to celebrate.
Naturally I wished to partake in the fun, so decided to tag along. Went clubbing and between 3 of us smashed 5 bags. Might I add, I had my final Criminology paper the next day. That being said, I didn't sleep and when we finally arrived back at her place sun shining and buzzing like crazy, it dawned on me... What the fuck, I need to study!
So all fucked up, I grabbed my study notes and started attempting reading over everything, stressing about the possible repercussions of my naive decisions and barely seeing straight.
As the time of judgement was approaching, I was quite literally shitting my pants as I neared the venue tripping balls.
It sat down at my desk fidgeting and hiding my face and began the exam.
I shit you not, everything I had read in my fucked up state seemed to just flow out onto the paper without thinking. Well that's how I felt at least, could have been absolute B.S.
Fast forward some time and I receive my grading for the paper. I'm thinking how fucked I am and it turns out I actually got distinctions for it. (First time ever in my university career).
That was a wake up call for me and I quit after that intensely frightening experience, but to this day I wish I could retain information like I did on that fateful day. Don't get me wrong drugs are bad, but dam what a crazy day that was.
What crazy shit did you do, where you thought you were fucked but shit panned out awesome?
TL;DR: | Had crazy coke fiesta night before final exam. Attempted to study briefly before it, whilst buzzing like a pink glittered vibrator. Aced it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 M] with my SO [20 F] of a year. My SO has been having issues with my dorm mate.
POST: My girlfriend has been having some issues with me hanging out with my dorm mate downstairs, as i hang out with her often since she is usually around and is always down to smoke weed. Though for some reason my SO has been very upset with how much i hang out with my dorm mate, where to the point she is losing sleep and it is affecting her even when i am not around. For the most part we are happy with our relationship but this is an issue that keeps coming up.
My SO is usual very reasonable and doesn't get so jealous of other people, but for some odd reason this is breaking away from how she usually is like.
We recently moved to large city together, she and I live about an hour away from each other so this has been difficult as before we were living a few minutes away. This has been a strain but we can make it work pretty well, but my SO has stated how she is jealous of my dorm mate as she lives so close to me.
My SO isn't suggesting something unreasonable like for me to stop seeing my friend even if i have mentioned it before. This isn't either something i want to do as i have been having trouble making friends since i moved here.
Please everyone, any advice is welcomed ....preferably not to break up as that still seems too drastic at this point.
Cheers!
TL;DR: | My girlfriend is unhappy with how i can see my friend from my dorm so much and so easily, it is hurt our relationship together a lot. Suggestions? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I'm [20F] getting weird vibes from the female roommate [19F] of my boyfriend [20F]. How to proceed?
POST: I'll try to keep this short, but I get really weird vibes from one of my boyfriend's female roommates. Before I met her, he was telling me about how cool she is and how she likes me. I found the latter part to be really weird since she doesn't really know me aside from a few brief introductions. Anyhow, I tried to get to know her for my boyfriend's sake- but I really didn't like her. Now I won't hold that against her; it's fine for me to dislike people and likewise, but now she acts weird. For example, whenever I'm around the two of them, she'll avoid my eye contact and she'll talk over me in conversation. In a conversation that's between the three of us, it feels like I could be an inanimate object that can't and doesn't contribute to conversation. Not to mention, my boyfriend takes forever to respond if I ever send him anything via text, whereas he'll respond to her rather quickly. She often walks around naked in front of my boyfriend in the house. I realize that I was just raised in a different way than she was and she has a right to be comfortable in her own house, but I can't help but feel uncomfortable with it all. I hate that I'm uncomfortable with it all because I'm starting to seem like the uppity "uncool" hardass girlfriend. I should also mention that I'm quite good friends with one of his other female roommates. She's really chill and I never get weird feelings of exclusion from her. She's great.
I've brought this up to my boyfriend. He says that there's nothing to worry about... and I'm not necessarily worried about anything, as I trust him, I just get a weird feeling about all of it. I'm not even sure what to do about it. I don't want to have this weird feeling. What do I do, if anything?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
TL;DR: | Weird vibes from boyfriend's female friend/roommate. He says it's nothing. How to tell if I'm making something out of nothing? What to do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Should I Get Back on the Horse? (And Some Post-Breakup Issues) [24m]
POST: Preface:
Recently ended what was a pretty bad relationship about a month ago. I made every effort to cut all contact with her in an effort to just get on with my life. Unfortunately, she aggressively tried to maintain contact and berated me for ignoring her. Eventually, she started sending me risque pictures of herself...and my dick took over judgement calls and I started talking to her again. This came to a point the other day where I was drunk sexy-texting her (yes, I know) and she told me she was dating some other guys. I flipped, tore her a new one, then cut all contact. Again. Haven't heard from her since.
Which leads me to my actual question. The very few bright spots there were in the relationship were able to show me that it was something I really preferred over being single (before this, I hadn't dated anyone in a couple years). There is a girl I've met that I am pretty interested in and I want to ask out. However, I don't want to run the risk of her being a rebound and end up hurting her in the process. So...considering the situation what would be best for me to do?
TL;DR: | ex screwed me up and i don't want to be alone, but i don't want to hurt anyone else in the process |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20 F] have a crush on my coworker [18 M] but I am worried about sexual harassment.
POST: So I've worked at my current job for about 10 months and recently got a promotion (dishwasher to prep/banquet cook). For 7 of those months, I had a boyfriend (R); a relationship that was recently terminated due to infidelity on his part. This new coworker of mine started at the restaurant about two weeks before R and I broke up, and I found his personality automatically attractive but didn't consider a relationship until after my previous relationship ended.
Recently, this coworker (D) has begun showing signs of having feelings for me, but due to his age and the fact that I think he may be out of my league, I am not jumping at the opportunity to ask him out. Some of these signs include: change in behaviour when I enter the room, constantly using my name in conversation, finding excuses to touch me (high fives, fist bumps, nudging), finding excuses to be in the same room as me, play fighting, constant teasing, showing off to get my attention (making his voice louder to establish his presence, engaging in semi-dangerous activity), and referring to me as "his girl."
All of the above behaviour is welcome, and much of it is reciprocated, but given the frequency of sexual harassment cases in this particular workplace, as well as my doubt in his intentions, I am reluctant to act on any feelings I have towards him. I have received feedback from other coworkers who say his affection towards me is obvious, and it has also been noted that this behaviour arises only around me. My doubts, however, remain. Any advice would be gladly appreciated regarding whether or not he likes me, I should initiate contact outside of work, as well as how to do so.
TL;DR: | I don't want to engage in a relationship with a coworker unless I can avoid the possibility of being charged with sexual harassment. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Need some advice with my SO and flirting..
POST: Hey Reddit, obvious throwaway here. I'll try and keep this short and sweet.
Me (25) and my girlfriend (26) have been living together about almost 2 years and for the most part, things have been perfect. However we had a rough patch last month which almost ended us. During that time (I should ad that we were still together) she gave her number to a guy from work who she would always call a "douche." However, while we were still in the initial phase of talking about dating, I know for a fact they flirted quite a bit. By the way, this guys married. I've noticed her texting him a lot, with him venting about problems with his marriage and what not. Well today she was making food and I was in the living room when her phone lit up with a text from him saying something along the lines of "So what panties are you wearing tonight? ;)" I brought it up with her and it ended up being an argument which resulted in her saying "Look, every guy flirts with every girl. It happens." I don't think I'm perfect but I've never flirted intentionally since I've been with her. Its very wrong to me (been cheated on in the past, family history is filled with cheating, etc).
I should mention that a few months back a mutual guy friend of ours said she had been flirting with his roommate. And that recently, an ex-bf has come into the picture. Which doesn't bother me that much, its just a lot to handle at once after such a shaky month.
Back to the married douche, what should I do/say? It seems like she's just attracting guy friends that will shower her with attention, something I feel like I give plenty of. There's no question of that. I really don't want to come out and say "If he flirts with you again, tell him to quit it or we're done", seems a bit extreme. Any help or advice is much appreciated.
TL;DR: | SO seems to be flirting with a married guy/married guy is flirting with her. Either way its not cool. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by dating someone i met on facebook.
POST: yeah, so this one is a fresh one. happened just a few hours ago..
so i was checking my facebook today, and as i was talking to my friend that girl added me as a friend. so i had 1 mutual friend with her but i had to check it out.. so we start speaking and she's totally legit. also checked her timeline something like thousand times to see it isn't a pedophile or something like that...
so we scheduled a date, and i go to see her. well, i'm in that park we talked about.. and i see her. we speak for half a minute and her boyfriend comes out. now you see, the problem is not him being her boyfriend.
the problem is her boyfriend is someone i sold my phone to a few weeks ago and damn he's spamming my inbox out for selling him a problematic phone. now i didn't have any of those problems so i tell him.. i don't have what to do... then i blocked him because i was fed up with his shit.
so he wants me to pay for fixing his shit and goddammit idk why, i agree. we go each other to his place and i decided with a help of my friend to block him from anywhere (facebook/whatsapp/calling/sms etc...) but before that i send him a big message that says
TL;DR: | fuck it i'm not gonna pay for this and i'm not a goddamn cell technician. sent it.. blocked him and her. now idk what to do because i'm afraid of this little piece of shit. FUCK. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [21M] gf [22F] of 3 years, is having trouble coping with depression from our LDR
POST: We have been in a LDR for about a year now since she moved away from our home town to pursue a career in ballet. Since she left, she has hated almost all aspects of the school she is in and gets very little joy out of the course. This is so extremely frustrating for her since its something she has wanted to do for years but the dream has been far from reality. Additionally, she is torn by the LDR which presents even more stress. We can only skype a maximum of twice a week, and we see each other for about 2 weeks every 3 months which is certainly not ideal but is unavoidable.
While she doesn't openly admit it, she is depressed by the circumstances, frequently crying herself to sleep and there is nothing I can do to help at this point and believe me I try my utmost every day. She has not taken any medication or seen a psychologist for examination. It is an internal conflict between her passion for dance versus her love for me and she constantly questions whether she is doing the right thing (continuing the course).
She has two good friends that she has made in her course who I feel do not recognize the seriousness of her situation. While they are friendly and fun people, they promote the lifestyle of escapism by drinking and going to clubs. In a normal situation I would be fine with this, I am not worried about her getting drunk or cheating. It is the fact that she doesn't get any joy out of life so she is doing these activities to escape reality - I'm not a psychologist but I'm pretty sure that isn't a healthy way to cope with problems. I think that she gets an endorphin-like high when she drinks because the next day she always feels more depressed (not in a hangover context) then when she went out indicating that her brain chemicals are probably depleted. It's been happening on a weekly basis for about 2 months
What should a good bf do in this situation?
TL;DR: | gf is not happy with life in an LDR, using escapist strategies which result in her becoming even more depressed later what to do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [M/21] need some advice with a girl [F/21] I want to be more than just friends with
POST: Not completely sure I'm posting this in the right place, apologies if I'm not.
I've had a class with this really cute/cool girl all semester. We were both in a group project together and got along pretty well, but haven't really talked much outside of the class. I was kind of hesitant to try to do anything during the semester because, let's say I asked her out or something and she said no, or it didn't work out, the entire rest of the semester would be really awkward working together on the group project.
Our final for the class is in a few days and we just put together plans to study together tomorrow. I really do want to study and help her study etc, but I also would definitely like to escalate our relationship to "the next level."
Obviously I know that this get-together is meaningless, doesn't mean she is into me or anything, but I guess what I'm asking is just how do I go about trying to escalate our relationship without coming off as creepy or anything. I was thinking about just asking her to get something to eat after our study session or something and see where it goes from there.
One thing I've also been thinking about is that even if we do find out we have some mutual attraction, since it's the end of the semester there's not much time to really spend some more time together before we leave for summer (I'll be away all summer and probably wouldn't get a chance to see her even if this all works out). So it would be tough to really build anything meaningful before we don't see each other again for a few months. I really do want to get to know her better though; from what I do know about her, she seems like a really cool girl.
I don't know, I guess I'm just looking for some general advice on this situation. Guys, how would you handle this? Girls, how would you want to be approached in this situation?
TL;DR: | Trying to preemptively make sure I don't get in the friend zone with a girl I don't know that well, how do I go about doing so? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Been with my gf for 16 months thinking shouting breaking up
POST: Well I have been dating this girl for 16 months. She is 29 and I'm 34. I enjoyed spending time with her. She is smart but 13 months into it I was using here iPad and she had her email opened on it. I was about to close it when I read one of them. I found out she was a prostitute. I also found out later she owns a place that caters to fetishes and stuff like that they pretty they have sex for money that's what it looks like. She is really controlling. She slapped me the other night two time jokingly but it was really hard. She has done this a few times. I have this closers phobic feeling in this relationship I care about her. I don't know why I'm in this relationship. I have a hard time breaking up. What should I do?
TL;DR: | been with my gf for 16 months and she is really controlling. I want to breakup but can't. Plus found out she's a prostitute. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Just typing this makes me sick, but I [19M] don't find my girlfriend [19F] attractive anymore.
POST: My girlfriend and I have been dating since we've been 16, and through it all we've had a great time. We've never had a fight that we weren't able to stop, sit down, and talk it through and either agree or agree to disagree. Whenever one of us is having a bad day the other one can always make them smile. I am in excellent standings with her awesome family, and similar for her with my family. Overall, it is a great relationship that we have. While I don't want to start talking about 'going all the way' or things such as that, we have lightly talked about it.
Then comes my little problem.
She is a bit overweight, but I've always looked past that at the person inside the body, not on the outside. She is still very cute, and is something I tell her often. She is somewhat conscious of her weight and I'm always trying to be supportive/positive. She's been losing some pounds lately but just because of her genetics (her mother and grandmother, whom she takes after) are both very large women.
These feelings have been around for about the last month, slowly gaining in momentum, and I'm not sure how they started. I've always been somebody that looks for the inside, not outside, but if she is somebody that I plan on making a future with...I don't want these feelings. How can I address this with her, or with myself? Are these normal?
TL;DR: | I don't find my girlfriend of 3 years very attractive anymore, and I'm worried if these feelings would hurt a long term relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: Could I have handled this situation better?
POST: Here's how things went down:
I study Aikido, a martial art that is, compared to others, relatively laid-back, peaceful, and harmonious. My dojo has classes for kids, young people (middle and high schoolers basically) and adults. People from the middle and high school classes who have been training for a while are welcome to train with the adults class if they desire.
Yesterday, we were practicing knife takeaways using wooden training knives. I ended up working with a girl who was probably around 14. She was also about a foot and a half shorter and at least a hundred pounds lighter than me (I'm an early-20s guy, about 6'1" 200lbs). While I normally love situations like this, since training with people of a variety of body types can be really useful, it made me really uncomfortable to be, even in a training context, holding a knife on someone (in this case from behind, blade to the throat, about as creepy as a knife hold can get in my experience) who, to my eyes, is a "little girl".
However, it seemed like if I brought it up it might have just been incredibly mortifying for this girl who intentionally came , so I just kinda didn't bring it up and 'suffered' in silence through wondering whether I even should have felt awkward in the first place. Should I have? I'm basically asking what you, had you been in this girl's situation, would have made you most comfortable. I really don't know, and it's been kinda eating at me.
TL;DR: | was put in a kinda awkward situation in martial arts training with a young girl. Didn't say anything about it to avoid embarrassing her, but still felt kinda wrong. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My SO [22M] openly looks at nude pics of other girls online, collects porn etc while I [21F] am over. Am I right to be bothered by this?
POST: My SO and I have been together for about 4 months. It's been wonderful for the most part - we have sex often, he gets along with all my friends, we have plans to travel in a few months. But here's the thing:
Whenever I am at his house, he will spend a bit of time on his computer while I am on my tablet doing school stuff. I will look up, and he will be scrolling through his reddit newsfeed which is about 80 percent porn. He is subscribed to every kind of gonewild and loads of other subreddits as well, and he will just scroll through and look at every nude pic. If I use his computer, he will have multiple tabs open with porn gifs and pictures of naked girls. On top of that, he saves a lot of them as well. His desktop has pictures ALL OVER IT.
Now, I have no problem with porn. If he wants to watch it or look at naked girls, that's fine. But when I am with him? Why doesn't he at least try and hide it from me?
I've told him I don't mind porn, but that doesn't mean I want to SEE IT.
I've brought it up to him once before, saying that I thought it was weird how open he was with it. He shrugged it off, said it was no big deal, and that apparently his ex had no problem with this. I think that must be bullshit, because why would a girl be okay with that, but maybe it's just me who has the problem...
So what do I do? Do I have any right to tell him to stop displaying his porn all the time, and to quit looking at other girls while I am over? How do I bring it up again?
TL;DR: | SO is always looking at porn on his computer, even when I am over. Am I right to be bothered? How do I bring it up? I want this to stop. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [22/m] Broken up for a year, from a 5 year relationship, and can't get over it
POST: Throwaway:
My GF [22/f] and I have been dating since we were 16, we broke up last year because of stupid fights we have been having, I don't want to get into it to much, but I need help getting over her. Whenever I see her name, or username anywhere my chest starts hurting real bad, and then few seconds later I'll calm down. I've read advice columns online to help me get over, but nothing seems to help, and yes I deleted her on Facebook, and all other social media websites, but her friend's will tag her, or add a picture of her once in awhile, and it bugs me out. It happened again tonight when I saw a mutual friend liked a photo of hers, my chest hurt, and then I did some breathing exercises to get over it. I just don't want to have these pains anymore, I don't know how to get over it, I'm still in love with her, I just don't think we can be together, I don't think she wants to be together. To give some insight, we were each others first, and we were very loyal to one another, and very loving, we both had our flaws that we never worked on, and our fights were about hers most of the time. I realize the wrong that I have done, and I would love to fix it. I just don't know if she would let me, and if she would even fix hers, it's something I'm scared of. I don't know if we can make it work again, and at this point I just want to get over her. Her birthday is next week, and I've been going through the dilemma if I should say happy birthday or not for awhile. I haven't spoken to her since my Birthday in Nov when she texted me happy birthday, so I'm very confused what to do.
TL;DR: | 5 year relationship, been broken up for a year, still in love with her, chest pains every time I see her name, picture, or username, and want to get over all of this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [27M] with my GF [24F] of 3 years, took a week long "break." I want her back, but am scared to call and "beg"
POST: GF and I were having problems, and kinda mutually broke up. We left it at, we will talk in a week or two.
Its only been 3 days and I am dying inside. I want her back, but worry that texting and bothering her will show I'm insecure, or whatever...make me look weak.
I thought about a romantic gesture, sending flowers to her or a love letter. But I don't know what she is thinking. I don't want to call her in a week and confess I miss her, only to have her respond with "its for the best, we are done."
Should I mentally prepare for being single. Should I do the romantic gesture, or just wait and call her this weekend?
TL;DR: | GF and I half brokeup, are on a "break." But I feel the need to rekindle now, show some sign I love her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How do I handle a peer that has no idea what she is doing and causing strife in the workplace?
POST: Nearly 5 months ago I was given the task of training a new girl that I actually voted against hiring based on the fact that she has no industry experience. Well, she was hired anyway based on her previous "Business Management skills" and I was of course tasked with getting her up to speed.
One issue I am running in to now is that after months of showing her the ropes, she still isn't able to fly on her own. She is nervous, lacking confidence and still doesn't grasp the general concept of the product she is supposed to be able to talk about. The next issue that I am dealing with is her snarkyness to me and the fact that for some reason she seems to think that I am not doing the most that I can to get her to where she needs to be.
However, the biggest issue I am running in to is that my senior management is telling me that her success directly reflects on me. I have expressed the fact that I don't feel that she is appropriate for the role she is in and I have also mentioned her shit attitude toward me. Neither complaints flew over well with my boss, who reiterated that whatever the outcome, it will reflect on me because I am the senior engineer.
I have taken every measure I can think of to boost her confidence, give her the tools she needs and support her but enough is enough.
Simply put, I really need to find the appropriate way to either end the tension between her and I or figure out a way to end her employment as there is no way I can teach someone the years of needed experience she needs in a the span of a few months. This and have it not effect how I am seen by my peers or management.
TL;DR: | Boss hired someone inadequate for the job, I have to train her, she'll never get it, now she is causing un-needed drama. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: 18M Confused and Not Sure What To Do About 18M I've Known A Few Weeks
POST: So my group of friends got connected to another group of friends about a month ago, and since the two groups have really meshed. One of the members of the other group is gay, he is a very cool person, and I am generally confident with myself, so I usually joke around with him, but the other night things got weird.
Whilst the two groups were hanging out together, I half-jokingly told this guy he could sit on my lap, and he did. As the night progressed, he got a little handsie...and then a lot handsie. We continued with playful banter the whole night, and we parted happily, but now I don't know what to do.
I may be seeing him tomorrow, but I don't know how I should act around him, and I still don't know if I even like guys.... I like the guy, and I could maybe see a romantic relationship, but I don't know.I will definitely try talking to him when I see him next, but if I don't see him tomorrow, it could be a week or more before I see him. I'm pretty sure he knows that I am not sure about my sexuality because I have told that I was straight, but after this little incident a friend of ours asked me in front of him if I was bi, and I said I wasn't sure. As for just hanging out and experimenting, we live about an hour apart, so it will be hard enough to have a relationship, and I'm worried the added strain of not being sure about liking guys will kill the relationship.
TL;DR: | A gay friend started getting handsie, and I don't know what to do about it. I thought I was straight, but at this point, I have no clue, and I don't know how to act around him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [18 F/N] 7th grade crush [19 F] is living with us and I think I'm falling for her again.... but I can't!
POST: There is a bit of a story to this so hold on to your hats, fellas. It all started back in 2011, when I was 13/14.Let's call her Dee. She came from Chicago to visit her family(whom we are very close with)and stayed for about a year.
Dee is a very sweet, cute, and nice girl. She listened to me and talked with me a lot, and a year is more than enough to fall hard for such a sweetie! I never told her how I felt, but I held hands with her and put my arm around her shoulder. Now that I think about it, I don't even think she knew I had feelings for her.
Skip ahead 5 years to 2016. I'm not much of a lesbian anymore. I'm grey-asexual/aromantic so I don't have crushes on anybody. I've totally forgotten about my feelings for Dee, and that's great!
Except for the fact that she's come to visit again for a couple of months. Not to mention that my family is living with Dee's family under the same roof so I have to see her everyday....
Ordinarily, I'd be like, "Sweet! 2 months with my crush!" But it's different. I've become more spiritually responsible and sworn off any kind of girl/girl relationships. I'm feeling so strange. I feel like she knows I like her and is just passing it off, but it'd be worse if she doesn't even know how she makes me feel. I don't know how much longer I can stave off my romantic feelings for her. Someone please help me!
TL;DR: | Big time crush returns to my home state 5 years later and my heart beats with romance, can't submit to feelings due to religion, need help urgently before I lose control and become ostracized. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Am I [18f] selfish for not forgiving my family of being unsupportive? [Long]
POST: For the past two years I have been struggling greatly with depression and anxiety. Not being from a very open faculty I struggled to tell them until a teacher offered to tell them for me. I agreed and as I returned home after she had phoned them when I overheard my mother and sister discussing how I was saying this just for attention and to get out of doing schoolwork. I left and when I returned I confronted them on what they had said they denied everything, acknowledged that my teacher had told them I was depressed then everyone moved on and pretended all was normal.
For the months following I have been more distant with my mother (understandably so I think). Recently my grandmother visited, a woman who I already had a strained relationship with, shortly into her visit she covertly calls all of my family to a meeting leaving me oblivious in another room. For some reason everyone in my family decides to forget that you can hear everything from anywhere in the house (or perhaps they didn't care) and I of course hear their "discussion".
After 40 minutes of listening to my mother sister and grandmother complaining about me with only my father defending me I go and confront them. After this I leave and spend the night at a friends. When I return I find that my grandmother has left back home and I must go and apologise to her immediately, eventually I do because it's easier than fighting.
Now sometime later my mother is again pretending like everything is normal wants me to visit my grandmother and is calling me selfish and ungrateful for being reluctant to go.
Reddit am selfish? I honestly can't understand how my mum can't see my point of view at all. Should I forgive my grandmother and the rest of my family?
TL;DR: | my family have not suppored me as I have struggled with depression and bad mouthed while they knew I could likely hear them and is now calling me selfish |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me (20m) with my two female friends (19f). I hooked up one and now there's trouble.
POST: Throwaway bc friends know my username.
So I'm in university and am really close friends with two females, who I'll call Sarah and Emily. We're all good friends and hang out, study, etc together.
For the past month or so, Sarah had been acting really weird with me. She's been very clingy, jealous of me spending time with Emily, has been hugging me aggressively, and forces me to do pda with her . She also will get into bed with me (I nap a lot) to snuggle. Just a lot of stuff like that - I could go on and on.
Last weekend, this culminated into the Sarah and I being drunk in my bed and then making out. Afterwards, I asked if she wanted to talk about it, and she said she wanted to pretend it didn't happen and move on. I was totally fine with that, because I'm not looking for something with her.
I went away from school this weekend, and when I come back, Sarah wants to talk. She says she wants to make sure we're all good, and to be sure to have boundaries for our friendship. She also told me that she told Emily what happened, and that Emily is upset.
So needless to say, I'm pretty confused and upset. Sarah's behavior seems really strange if she is not looking to smash, and I don't think it was cool of her to tell Emily without talking to me first and while doing it while I was away. I thought we were gonna be cool and move on. And now I have to talk to Emily. Any advice? What do I say to her? How ddo I deal with Sarah moving forward? Any help or thoughts appreciated.
TL;DR: | I hooked up with a friend and things are confusing and have escalated when I thought we were just gonna move on. HELP. Apologies for any mistakes, am on my mobile. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [21/f] w/ bf (22/m) that values communication and the truth, but should I bring up things that have the potential to break things off when it may just be me being too sensitive?
POST: It's the first time I believe my boyfriend and I are actually having serious issues. We've been together for almost three years now. Mainly, I think it's because we're both entering the stage in which we're viewing the other as more serious than just long term relationship and more of a long, long term relationship.
Originally posted this in /r/rants[1] [1], and then /r/relationship_advice[2] , but would really like some more feedback and opinions/insight.
TL;DR: | How do I know if the little things that used to only slightly bug me but are now recurring more frequently and causing more serious thought are actually major deal breakers? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: F[28] gf of 2+ years pushing (& manipulating?) M[29] to marry.
POST: My SO of 2+ years has been pushing hard for a ring. We'd been talking about getting married & then moving in together, but some issues led me to wanting to delay that. She then tells me that she missed her lease renewal, someone else has already signed for her current apartment, and now she has to find a new place because of me. Then she dumped me. A few days later, we're talking, I tell her that I wont be pushed into marriage & that it would have to be on my terms, which she agrees to and then asks me to come back. Today, I find out...her apartment is still available for lease.
So Reddit, my question - the break up was fake, wasn't it? So was the BS line about the apartment. Should I be alarmed by this behavior? She's not done this before...at least not that I know of...
TL;DR: | f[28] gf seems to be trying to manipulate me into "til death do us part" rather than just talking to me & I'm a little concerned. Help! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Unable to Stick with choices, need some advice.
POST: I'm 22 (male), and she is 23. We met in first year of university, two and a half years ago and started dating early in the year. First year went really well, and about halfway into our second year of the relationship I felt it was too serious, and I wasn't ready to match the commitment she was willing to make towards me. An example was her trying to plan a trip somewhere in Asia 2 years in the future with me; I didn't want to make such plans because hey, I was 21 and don't want to feel pressure from a relationship, I have lots of good things going on anyways with friends and school. We took a break and were on and off for 1 month, and then I fully ended it. 6 months later she came back to me and we began seeing each other and having sex. This has been going on for a while now. She has been traveling for the past 3 months and will be coming back very shortly.
When she gets back there is no doubt that we will fall into our usual groove of things together. My problem is, if I want to stop seeing her, I will not be able to see her anymore as a friend, she can't do that. I enjoy her presence too much to fully cut ties though... At the same time however, I don't feel this strong attraction or emotion towards her anymore.
I can't choose whether to keep going how we have been the 6 months before she left, or to completely get her out of my life. Is there even a middle ground?
Any thoughts are appreciated, Thank you!
TL;DR: | Not feeling very natural with current relationship...Do I love her too much to let go? Is It time to move on? Or do I wait it out? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Why won't this girl [18F] look at me [19M] when I talk to her?
POST: So me and this girl are coworkers and I have a crush on her. She has a boyfriend but about 3 months we started texting and eventually I asked her to hangout and she agreed but I never followed up and told where when and where we would hangout. We have stopped texting since then and she only texts me if she needs a shift covered at work.
I have no idea if any of that is relevant but now when I talk to her, she will look down and not look up when I say something to her. Sometimes when she asks me something she will finally look up at me but she won't make eye contact with me. It's hard to have a conversation with a girl who seems like she wants nothing to do with. She used to tell me to come visit her at work if I wasn't working and her face used to light up when she saw me. No I just don't know. I still have a crush on her sadly and I won't do anything about because she has had that same boyfriend since the first day that we met. Please give me some of your opinions on this matter. I'd really appreciate it
TL;DR: | This girl and I were kind of "talking" and stopped. Now she hardly looks at me when I talk to her |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22 F] broke up with my serious bf [27 M] recently. Tried to start rebounding and I have no sex drive.
POST: It's like it depresses me. I have slept with many many people in my life and only two of them have ever gotten me off. Now I just don't feel close enough to anyone to have a good experience. I guess I miss him. It's not like our sex was that pleasurable, I mean, he couldn't get me off either. But being close to him was all I needed. Just holding him so tightly. It was like I was frustrated that I couldn't get closer to him, like even being intimate wasn't enough, like I wanted our bodies to just collide and become one. This man was a life changer. I was incredibly in love with him. It was a long and complicated break up, and if you really want to know I'll tell you about it, but I've been trying to avoid thinking about it so hard so I don't want to even think of him. I've never been like this. I don't avoid things, I confront them. I'm always down with my emotions and I love to discuss and express and feel everything. But this? No. Not ever. Avoid, avoid, avoid. But my summer class just ended, my roommate will be gone for a month, all my friends are busy, I'm almost out of books, and I work an unstable schedule of late nights and afternoons so I'm always tired and cranky.
I wanted to rebound so badly. So I found some guys and it was so freaking easy. I just used them. I expected everything to go my way. But one of them wanted more and tried it with me yesterday, and I kept saying no, and he kept undressing me. I was disgusted. And he is an attractive man. I loved having sex with him last week. But he made me realize that I didn't love it that much. It kind of hurt, and it didn't make me happy. It made me feel sexy and wanted but that's about all I can say for it. I didn't care. I feel empty.
Maybe that's it. I'm just empty.
TL;DR: | Avoiding the possibility that I could be earth-shatteringly heart broken and realizing that I despise sex and cannot ever reach orgasm. What the hell. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Nothing holds my interest anymore. I spend most of my days in front of a screen and can't commit to anything. Any advice?
POST: It's not just me - my girlfriend has the same problem. We have a lot in common, actually. Everything from taste in movies and humor to personal disorders (like anxiety). We both live in a small downtown apartment and we're, I guess, what you could call artistically motivated. We both enjoy film, art, music and books, and we're also both gamers. I have a passion for stories and writing, and she has a talent for piano and painting. However, we have terrible attention spans. Call it ADD or something deeper seeded - we just can't commit to any one thing.
But it feels like it isn't so much a matter of short-term distractions as it is a lack of forward momentum. Sometimes we'll spend even days engrossed in a creative effort (usually separately) but then a week later we'll have moved onto something else, losing interest in whatever it was that we were so passionate about. I'll go through phases. My personality and tastes differ between days and my life goals are all over the damn place. It's like I can't decide on what I want at any one point in my life and I'm just always bouncing around.
I just want to be able to create something. I want to be able to stick with a project and see it to completion before my brain goes and walks off somewhere else. She has similar problems, and in the end we just both sit in front of computers, either playing games, browsing Reddit, or watching shows. I'm between jobs right now, but I find it's even worse when I work full-time (at an office). I just get home and veg out.
I'm hoping some Redditors can share their experiences with similar problems and give some insight. Our minds and interests are so erratic we have dozens of unfinished projects swept under the rug. We're desperate and restless and we need some advice on how to keep focused on one thing. Thanks, Reddit.
TL;DR: | My GF and I are extremely capricious and can't keep our attention on anything long enough to see it through. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Men: If/when you masturbate while in bed, do you come all over your sheets?
POST: Provocative title, I know. Basically, I need some data to settle an argument between me and my boyfriend.
I found out that while I was away at school, my boyfriend had masturbated while lying in my bed. That's totally fine. Then I found out that his method of doing so was to jerk off until he came, come, and then wipe the results off my sheets after the fact. And it's not the first time he's done so in my bed. I was a little miffed about that.
I had been under the impression that it at least fairly common for guys to pre-prepare by having some tissues nearby, or a sock, or something. He says no, that it's typical practice for guys to just deal with the inevitable afterwards, and semen-soaked sheets are no big deal. That's what he always does at home.
He also said that since semen typically gets on the sheets after we have sex anyways, and since I've never had a problem with that, I shouldn't have a problem with this. I think those are two completely different things - no easy cleanup solution is required for semen resulting from our activities together. It's something we kind of did together, so it's fine if it gets on my sheets. Lone jerking semen is a different story.
Opinions?
TL;DR: | I'm pissed off that my boyfriend jerks off in my bed while I'm away and soils the sheets with impunity. |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: Absolutely pissed at life right now
POST: Fuck, first let me just get this off my chest. I was born in India and raised here in New Jersey since I was 4 years old. My whole life I have been going to mosques, reading Quran and being a regular ole American citizen that just so happens to be Muslim. While doing all this I drank, smoked had girlfriends and ate whatever I wanted, halal or non-halal I did not give a flying shit. I still don't. I am married now with 2 kids and a wife, and I am 29 years old. I am not much of a practicing Muslim anymore, I lean more towards being an Agnostic but I still like to adhere to the cultural standards Islam has brought. Now my wife is moderate too, she doesn't wear a head cover, loves movies and dresses however she wants, which is a good thing, that is why I married her. Alright my main point here is I am so fucking pissed. All this Islam terrorist crap is fucking up everything! Besides the evil it is doing in the World, American Muslims are feeling the effects here. Now I may not be a full believer anymore but my kids are and my wife is, I will eventually let my kids decide what they want to do with their lives, but for now I believe it is no harm to bring them up as my wife is not really strict at all or super religious. Man, I just want to be able to play video games, celebrate Christmas with my best friends, grow old in a nice house with two dogs. Why should I be worried then? Well my family, my mom, dad and relatives are all still Muslim. That means that all this Islamophobia, if it gets worse will affect them, and shit that really sucks. No one wants to see their family go through craziness like that, especially when they are just normal Americans that work and come home and watch TV. I also don't want my kids to go threw that shit, and it really fucking sucks that I have to worry about something like that, when their are so many bigger problems in life. Sorry for this rant, I just wanted to get it off my chest.
TL;DR: | Most of my family are Muslims, they are just normal people , why can't we live a life full of happiness and discovery rather than hatred and fear :( |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I (28/F) date a man (35/M) that will not support me, financially, nor provide in other areas.
POST: My boyfriend is extreemly unmotivated. When I talk to him about it he says I don't give him a chance. It's been a year and a half. He cannot provide for me financially, if anything happened where I couldn't work, our lives would fall apart. I have always paid the bills. I loved the conpanionship, but it's starting to cost so much -- Spiritually and emotionally as well -- as I do not think he can provide the nurturing and support I need in those areas either. I feel guilty for ditching him over these areas of lack, but, I don't know what to do. I'm going crazy. I get angry about this stuff and he recedes and says he "can't do this". Basically - I think I am asking - am I wrong to want to abandon this sinking, oops, I mean relationship?. I feel like I am not womanly enough or whatever for him to want me. He does nothing to show me he loves me, cares for me, or would be willing to take care of me. I am sad because I got really attached and there were things about him I once loved.
TL;DR: | as the woman in our year and a half relationship I do the providing . I am sick of it and mentioned it before to no avail. Should I try to work on this or abandon it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: 5'7" ~175lbs help?
POST: So, I'm 5'7" and I'm not 100% sure on my weight, but last time I remember it was around 175 lbs. I'm not sure how much would be a good amount of weight to lose, but everyone tells me I look like I weight more like 150 instead of 175, but my goal weight would be to weigh about 145lbs.
I'm a college student, and I have limited money (no job) so I can't afford to go to the gym (my campus has one, but you have to pay. :/) I have a kettle bell, and I can do aerobic workouts from dvds and youtube and such.
I need help figuring out exactly what I should be doing to lose this weight. The only other time that I've tried to lose weight I lost maybe around 20 lbs and was happy with it. I gained it all back plus though. :/ And when I gain weight I almost always gain it in my stomach (gut) and thighs. The only way I've noticed any reduction in the size of either was when I did [this] diet. Which I obviously can't keep up for long. So what exercises and foods should I be eating in order to lose my stomach and thighs, and weight in general?
Sorry it's so long!!! Any suggestions are super appreciated!!
TL;DR: | What exercises should I be doing/foods should I be eating to lose weight in my gut and thighs when nothing seems to be working? |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Should I pay off my credit card debt after it's been charged off?
POST: I lost my job last year and suddenly couldn't afford to pay my monthly credit. It charged off, which from what I understand is one of the worst things that can happen to your credit. I just received a letter from their collections department and they are willing to settle for just a little more than half of what I owed.
I have a job now which pays alright. I saved a little money up and I could afford to pay off the credit without seriously impacting my lifestyle, but is that the best move? I'm worried that my credit is already fucked and paying them at this point just means I'm going to be out $1,800 that I could use towards a decent used car.
TL;DR: | should I pay off credit account which has been charged off or should I just say "fuck em" and buy magic cards? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 M] with my old friend [20 F], She sent drunk texted last night saying she wanted a friend with benefits.
POST: So an old friend of mine who just recently started talking to me again, drunk texted me last night as i was asleep. Her text said she wanted a friend with benefits. I tried to discuss it with her, but she won't directly address the situation.
I asked her about what she meant last night and she said she was just as confused as I was. She said her best friend was really hurt by her drunk texting me and said that at the time she wanted a FWB. After this, she just discussed classes. I am so confused as to how to approach her and bring up whether she really wants to her and I to be FWB. I would really be okay with the whole situation if she would just let me know.
TL;DR: | old friend [F,20] said she wanted a FWB through adrunk text, but will not discuss it with me. How can I talk to her about it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [24F] am up for a job that would put me out of town for a month, just started seeing a new guy [24M], what should I do?
POST: Hi r/relationships. Throwaway because I'm easily identifiable on my main account.
This feels rather silly, but I'm just curious as to what your advice would be. As the title says, I'm up for a job that would make me very busy through early December, and would put me out of my city for mid October- mid November. I work in a very competitive field, so of course I am thrilled about the job - but I recently started seeing a guy whom I really like. I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years and have been single for a little over a year. Because of my baggage, I have a hard time making connections with men, and I know this guy would be really great for me. I haven't told him about the job yet. I figure my options are to either let it play out (because who knows, even though I'm feeling this way now, it could still fizzle out) and worry about it if things get more serious, or be upfront and tell him that I like him, and then tell him about the job. I don't want to put my cart before the horse here, but I also don't want to hurt him or hurt myself. Any thoughts?
TL;DR: | I have a job opportunity that will put me out of town for about a month as well as make me very busy throughout the fall. Should I tell the new guy I'm dating, or just worry about it when I have to? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: (F27)Sleeping in separate beds/ rooms? No sexual desire for him (32) anymore... Help.
POST: We've been dating/ together for 4 years. We live at his moms place as I was finishing college. The past 3 of our 4 years together have been spent sleeping in separate rooms. Before it was because he has a strict 8-4 job, and I was working and had classes but the times would change frequently. I recently graduated, and now since we've become so accustomed to pur sleeping arrangements, now the excuse is that my "bed is too small" or "I never sleep well here". We used to share the same room on weekends and it was great. We had sex a lot. Recently I'll be lucky if its once a month, and more recently its been about 2 months of nothing. He tried the other day and I was completely NOT into it. We tried but there's nothing going on down there. I feel a real disconnect from now and therefore just feel we are roommates. Yes I've spoken with him about this, and he tries. Hell come down to my room in the morning to cuddle before I have to get up for work on the weekends, but its not the same. I don't know what to do. We work opposite schedules which is another issue. I do love him and care for him, but I feel like I'm 40 years old and wondering if well ever get anything sexual back. We are talking about moving out, but my fear is that its already too late and I wouldn't feel so great if I made the commitment to move out, invest the time, money, and energy in a house, and its the same... What should I do?
TL;DR: | sleep in separate rooms, live with his mother, lost sexual drive, was t to move out,but fear its too late to rekindle romance. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by ripping a hole in my arm on my first day of work.
POST: So like many tifu this didn't happen today but someone at work commented on my scar so I thought I'd share.
So when I was 16 I worked for a week for a family friend who was a general contractor, he needed a little extra help finishing up a job. We were putting in a deck with a hot tub, and we had a hole dug for the tub filled with concrete posts. In the last half hour of my shift, I was tasked with widening the hole. No big deal, I grabbed a shovel and got to it. The part where I fucked up was that I jumped on the shovel with both feet and put all my weight into the shovel. No problem except that I hit a rock about an inch down and proceeded to fall face first into the pit. Not wanting to catch my head on the posts, I throw my arm in front of my head, which does save my face but instead a steel bracket on the post digs into the side of my arm and rips a nice little hole in my arm and blood starts running down my arm. Anyways, the contractor bandages it up for me and lets me go home 15 minutes early.
A week later I'm going to class at my community college and I make the bright decision to catch the bathroom door closing in my face with my arm, ripping the wound right open again. I walked to class, dropped my backpack in a chair and asked where a first aid kit/nurse's office was. Found out my community college had neither and I had to walk to the on site convenience store and find the bandages and pay for them whilst trying to keep blood off the floor with some paper towels I had grabbed from the nearest bathroom.
TL;DR: | Went to my first day on a job, fell in a hole, ripped a hole my arm, busted the wound open a week later at school. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [29M]I'm having trouble dating two women at once [26/F] and [30/F]
POST: I met two women online around the same time. Most of my first dates don't pan out, so I usually schedule a 1-2 dates a week. In this instance I had a really great time with both women, and I've had 3-4 dates with each of them over the last month. I don't know either well enough to decide who to stop seeing, but now things have gotten physical with one [26/F] and the other has hinted she wants to get physical. The [26/F] knows all about the other woman and is dating other guys, and we're very transparent. I haven't had any conversation about dating other women with the [30/F] and I don't want to bring it up because I'm afraid it will force an ultimatum that I'm not yet ready to decide upon.
This is a strange situation because I'm beyond the first 3 dates, where you can just disappear or walk-away, but I'm no where near the point that I want to commit to either woman. I believe the 26/F is very comfortable with the situation, and is not threatened by the other woman. However, I don't know where the 30/F stands and I don't want her to be disgusted and walk away because I'm dating someone else. How do I bring this situation up with her? Will she think I'm talking about the next step too soon? The [30/F] has friends in town, works long hours and other commitments, so we won't see each other in person for another 3 weeks. I'm at a point where whoever I spent time with last is the one I want to be with, so I'm really not ready to make a decision.
TL;DR: | Beyond 3 dates with two women, I'm not ready to decide because I still don't know either well enough. How do I handle conversations about sex and dating other people? What are the rules and expectations? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18M] needs to get my Girlfriend [18F] to finish with me
POST: Hey.. Basically, I've been seeing this girl for a few months and at the start it was fine. But the further into the relationship I've gotten, I've noticed things that are off-putting; namely being that she's slightly psycho and very clingy.
About a month into the relationship, she was talking about how many kids she wanted when she's older, I thought nothing of it at the time, but more and more recently she's been looking too far into things. Eg - Asking what I'd call *our* kids, how she likes the sound of my last name with her name and all that stuff.
Now, if this was a normal relationship, I'd end it on the grounds that it's getting too serious too fast, but here's the thing. She is crazy. I don't mean, she'll call me 8 times a minute crazy, I mean just the other day she was fighting her sister and was bouncing her head off cabinets crazy. I'm not saying that I'm scared for my safety if anything happened, I'm saying that I don't want to be put in the situation where this girl who's only about 90lbs soaking wet would want to try and hurt me. It also doesn't help that I found out I was her first. I heard she's had relationships in the past and they were quite lengthy too, so naturally I assumed she's had sex before; turns out I was wrong and I'm her first so that doesn't help the situation.
I get along with her parents great, I get along with her sister great, I get along with her fine, but I can't see this relationship going anywhere other than it is now. She's very attached and tried to get me to drop the L bomb multiple times and is very clingy. The only way I can end this relationship without her doing something crazy (she has a history of self harm but says she's over it now) is for her to finish things.
I've tried being more distant, replying slower, not showing as much interest as I did before but it doesn't seem to be doing anything. What can I do to make her end things.
TL;DR: | Going out with a girl for about 2 months, Lo and behold - crazy. Need her to end things on her terms so she doesn't hurt herself or me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: So I (32M) asked my mother (60'sF) to quit trash talking me to my wife.
POST: As the title says, I recently asked my mother to quit sending derogatory text messages to my wife regarding me and she responded simply with "You're on your own." I did this because my wife and I both were getting tired of hearing about it on a daily basis. And this hasn't been a one time thing either. This has been going on for quite some time, since I was 16, long before I met my wife.
Just to explain a bit, she feels that since she "helps" us out, she has a right to berate me to anyone, including my wife. And recently she's felt entitled to do it since she was babysitting my 6 month old daughter. And she's felt justified in doing it anytime she "helps out."
I guess what I'm asking is that are my wife and I justified in dropping contact with her since this is the price of her "help" or are we overreacting? And, when the time comes, what do I tell my daughter when she asks why we don't visit or talk to grandma on my side of the family (wife's mom is great and has been very supportive)?
Any help or advice would be much appreciated.
TL;DR: | Am I overreacting by cutting my mother out of my life, and how do I explain to my daughter, when the time comes, what happened |
SUBREDDIT: r/Parenting
TITLE: "Spoiled" Child
POST: I have a three year old daughter. Recently people (a coworker, best friend, mother in law) have commented that she is spoiled. It really pisses me off and I have to defend myself.
The reason is because she has a lot of toys, I spent a lot of time designing her playroom and she loves it.
She's an only child. She only gets gifts on special occasions, like Christmas or bdays. I'll be honest, I do go overboard with the gifts on those special days. She doesn't have an ipad or any other expensive electronics.
She has manners, says please and thank you, she shares her toys when she has playdates and always puts her toys away. She knows when to say sorry, gives hugs and kisses.
When we go shopping, she doesn't throw tantrums when she wants a toy and i say no.
She's overall a very sweet, kind and polite little girl.
The biggest offender is my best friend, who also has an only child. She is constantly comparing our daughters. She gives her daughter toys for no reason, simply because she found them on sale or dirt cheap. Within the past two months, she has given her daughter over 20 stuffed Care Bears for no reason at all. Plus, last time our daughters had a playdate, her little one was constantly saying "MINE" and wanting to play in the corner by herself.
My daughter was dumbfounded, because all she wants to do is play and share with her friends.
And this woman, my supposed best friend, has the nerve to say my kid is spoiled??
What is reddit's view? What is the definition of having a "spoiled" child?
TL;DR: | people think my kid is spoiled because of the abundance of toys she has, but is not showing signs of being a brat. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: (Just want some advice from more mature/older people) Me [15 M] with my [15F] Teenager problems
POST: So many of you most likely disregarded this post due to my age. That's fine. It happens and I completely understand. But anywho...
I'm 15 [M] and about to be a junior in highschool. I'm still pretty new to dating and all that jazz and have only had 2 relationships so far (6 months and 3 months). The reason I am here now is because I was wondering if it is normal that I only want long term relationships. (Long term in teenage years, yea know?) By that I mean almost a year.
I just have this thing in my mind and I love to make one person as happy as I can make them. I'm not one to jump around from girl to girl and use/play them like other teenage guys. Is this normal? Are relationships even worth it right now?
My other guy friends are telling me to just have fun and hook up with girls whenever I can but I'm not the kind of guy and I don't see the fun in it. It means nothing if you jump around from person to person.
Maybe I'm just weird and in that case whatever lol.
Any advice from the older/mature reddit users or maybe some suggestions would be much appreciated!!
Thank you all :D
TL;DR: | I seem to be the only teenager who wants a long term relationship/ At my age is it worth going for long term relationships? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Anyone else have experience breaking up over finances?
POST: So finances are not our only issue, but because of his depressive tendencies and possible other mental issues (denial, rage when intoxicated [not at me ever], and not remembering incidents accurately... I'm talking really twisting stuff around), I want to make the break up about money. When I get down to it, it's my biggest problem with our relationship. It's the only issue that can't seem to be fixed.
We've been together almost 4 years 28/f & 29/m. He's only had some part time jobs here and there. We just moved in together last summer. Financially we were okay this year, splitting bills 50/50, but he's going to lose his job soon, he's a temp worker and will be done mid-July. He hasn't been looking for other work. Our lease will be up at the end of the summer and our apartment is not somewhere I can afford to support two people. After four years, I don't see the point in moving somewhere else cheaper & smaller to support a guy that doesn't seem to be contributing equally in the long run.
It would be easier to be more angry over other issues we've had, but those could start a bad fight, and I don't think I have the emotional energy for that. I'm most worried about feeling like I'm leaving him without a home, job, etc., but I know that I can't take care of him forever, and he has a decent family.
BTW he has bachelor's in computer science and has some special skills, so it's not that when looking for jobs employers don't see any value in hiring him, he's just straight-up not looking.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend will be losing job. He has a poor work history after 4 years. Just looking for stories of breaking up with someone over poor work performance/depression who was still really in love with their SO. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18M] dating [23M], 3 months in and still doesn't want to use the word "boyfriend"
POST: I've been dating a really great guy for about 3 months now. We pretty much hit it off on the first date and have been seeing each other often.
We were sitting down one night and I brought up the conversation about 'where this is going' and he said that he really likes me and sees us going in a good direction but isn't "ready" to put a label on it yet... I just don't really understand this thinking because we do a lot of couple-like things together, we've met each other's friends and families and go on trips out of town together, he even invited me on holiday with him next month.
I know he still has issues with his sexuality and I'm wondering if this is the reason why he wants to go slow? I'm just really insecure because he's a lot more attractive than me so I feel like someone else could easily snatch him up. I feel like I'm starting to fall in love with him if I'm honest.
I just don't want to end up getting hurt I guess, I don't think he would hurt me. I just want to know that I'm his and he's mine, I'm not asking anything too extreme of him like posting it on facebook or shouting it from the roof tops.
I just want some advice on how to move from here, my plan was to basically wait a few more months and see how things go, and if he still feels the same we may have to go our separate ways.
TL;DR: | Guy I've been seeing for 3 months says things are going well but doesn't want the label of "boyfriend", despite acting like a couple, could this be to do with issues surrounding his sexuality? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by eating crisps (mildly nsfw?)
POST: Throwaway account. This happened earlier today.
So last night, my sister invited her new boyfriend round. We have this hut at the bottom of the garden that has a sofa-bed in it, so they stayed in that overnight.
The next morning, after my sister had left to give her boyfriend a lift back to his house, my dad went to clean up the hut. My dad tidies literally everything that's dirty or in the way, so even though it may have seemed like an invasion of their privacy, we wouldn't be able to stop him.
Anyway, he brings back up a half-eaten bag of crisps which my sister had rolled up to make sure that they stay fresh, and leaves it on the kitchen counter. I saw this bag, muttered aloud to myself "Thai sweet chilli, nice", and proceeded to dive in with my hand, pull out a couple crisps and devour them.
At the time, I didn't really think much of the silver glint or slightly cold sensation on my hand - I just shrugged it off as the inner aluminium foil lining of the crisp bag.
Fast forward to just about two hours ago, when my sister went up to the bathroom to have a shower. I was feeling pretty hungry, and began looking for those crisps again - I'd determined Thai sweet chilli as my new favourite flavour.
Bemused as to why I couldn't find the bag anywhere, I asked my mum if she'd seen it. She told me that she'd seen my sister throw the half-full bag of crisps in the kitchen bin earlier.
I asked my mum, "wait, why would she do that? There were so many left in there."
She responded "there isn't a bin down in the hut. Where else would they hide the condom?"
It hit me.
The silver glint was the condom wrapper.
The cold, slightly damp sensation was the used condom.
I ate those fucking crisps.
TL;DR: | sister and her boyfriend used half-empty bag of crisps to hide used condom, I unknowingly ate a couple of the crisps, and am beginning to feel sick as I write this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: What to ask for in Discovery when fighting Radar Speed Ticket.
POST: Hey guys, just got a speeding ticket and I believe I actually have a pretty good defense using time speed and distance calculations to prove obstacles that would prevent officer from getting an accurate radar reading.
I will file discovery tomorrow. What kinds of things (pertaining to radar and using radar etc) should I request in my discovery?
I have heard people say you need the records that relate to "tuning" or "certifying" radar etc... or classes for the officer.
What say you? Also, if you have beaten radar tickets would love to hear your story.
TL;DR: | I reduced my $90 speeding ticket to a $67 Failed Windshield Wiper ticket by filing Discovery and then talk with the Prosecuting Attorney. Didn't even have to go to court and no Points to my record. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: (22/F) has been seeing a (23/M) for four months and he may have never ended his previous relationship. Do I tell her?
POST: Ryan and me were friends in highschool, and randomly reconnected after we had an amazing night at a bar in college. About a week in I saw on facebook that he had a girlfriend already. I guess this was my first mistake.
I brought it up and it took him a month to break up with her, or so I thought. I tolerated this because we had an amazing emotional connection and even better sex. He was sweet, funny, romantic, and very much swept me off my feet.
Yesterday, a mutual friend told me that she still had "in a relationship" on her Facebook profile. I confronted him about this and he said that he didn't know why. I dug in deeper, and he admitted that he remains silent when someone asks if they are still together, and she has not told anyone that they've broken up.
The past four months we have been together, he has avoided introducing me to his friends, because he and his "ex" have been best friends for a long time and they are in the same circle of friends and he did not want to upset anyone. This has hurt me deeply. We have spent time together every day this summer, and have become very close. I have been waiting for him to be ready for an official relationship, and after four months he should have figured his shit out with his ex girlfriend. I thought I meant more to him.
Yesterday, I asked him if he still wanted to be with his ex girlfriend, and he said with tears, "I think I do." I pushed him away and I told him to leave, and he wouldn't leave. He kept repeating, "I just don't know." When I hear "I don't know," is it sad that it inspires a small hope that he still wants to be with me?
Reddit, does this girl deserve to know that she has been deceived by Ryan, or is it not my place? I really want him to learn his lesson. Is that immature?
TL;DR: | Became emotionally invested in my SO, only to find out he may still be in a relationship with his "ex." Should I tell her, or just move on? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My 23F SO has broken up with me (24M) by simply ignoring me for weeks. Not sure how to deal with it.
POST: We'd been dating for several months and all was going very well until we had an argument just over 2 weeks ago via text. It wasn't a big argument and admittedly I started it, but I tried to explain myself and apologised the next day and got no response. I assumed she was still a little mad so I left her alone for a couple more days then text her again and yet again received no response. Over 2 weeks have now passed and I've gotten no reply. She won't take my calls but she's been active on social media.
At this point I guess she doesn't have the guts to actually end the relationship so is taking the cowards way out. I understand I deserve better than this but what I can't shake is that how can someone just do this to another person? It's fucked up. What makes it worse is that there's no sense of justice here. She'll get away with this kind of behaviour and if I try telling her she's a terrible person she still won't respond. If I turn up to her house and call her out on all this she'll make it look like I'm some crazy ex. Also, the lack of closure is difficult but I know real closure is a rare thing in breakups.
Has anyone had experience with this? How do I deal with the anger? Is there any chance of justice here?
TL;DR: | GF seems to have broken up with me by ignoring me till I take the hint. How do I deal with this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Have I destroyed myself financially? Someone please give me some advice. I'm 23 and I don't know where to turn.
POST: A few months ago, I had an overdraft on my checking account. I did not notice that I'd done it, and as I wasn't working except for an under-the-table cash-only job, I wasn't using my account at all. I kind of forgot about it (and this was incredibly stupid of me, I know). The bank ended up referring me to a collection agency, who sent me a bill for about $114. I have paid that debt, but now I'm unsure as to how to proceed. I'm pretty sure I'm on ChexSystems and so most other banks can't allow me to open a checking account. The banks most of the people I work for use charge non-customer fees. I don't know what the fuck to do. Am I in financial purgatory for the next five years?
TL;DR: | I'm an idiot and I let an overdraft fee fester for too long, and now my name is not welcome in most banks. WHAT can I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [16 M] with my Mother [60 F], have been living at my Aunt's [60s F] apartment for the last 2 months or so. Aunt seems to have gotten really upset about things. I'm not sure what to do.
POST: The title sums up the situation. For the last 2 months or so, ever since my dad [60M] in a fit of bad temper, combined with me acting in a really bad manner, which included swearing at him constantly, said that I shouldn't live in his house anymore.
So mum (who was basically only staying with him because of me) and I called my Aunt, who said it was ok to live at her house "for as long as you need".
So it's been that way for the past two months. In that time my Aunt has had times when she has seemed in quite a bad mood. It's just a bit hard to tell sometimes because she doesn't really say anything, she just goes very quiet.
In the meantime, dad and I have stayed somewhat in contact, I've been over there for sustained periods of time, most recently for two weeks during my exams as his house is very close to my school (and there's no TV). Apparently during this time my aunt was quite happy.
I'm not sure whether it's me that's the problem, or the fact that there are 3 people in a house that was designed for two, and I'd really appreciate an outside view on this situation. My mum keeps on saying "we should move out, we should give her her own space", but to rent a place it would be at minimum about $200 a week in terms of the area it needs to for school. And considering mum works part-time and casual jobs, she only makes about $300-ish a week, meaning paying utilities and food is impossible imo.
As a side note, we have offered to pay rent to my aunt, who refuses it.
Right now the only real solution I can think of is going back to live full time with dad, which I'd prefer not to do as he's not all that well off financially either.
TL;DR: | Currently living with my mum and aunt at aunt's house, aunt seems unhappy a lot, not sure if it's my fault or not. looking for an outside perspective on this, though a possibly solution would be appreciated as well. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 F] with the guy I'm dating [33 M], asking to make time without being needy
POST: I've been dating this guy for a month and a half now, and despite our age difference, we get along really well and fell for each other really hard and really quickly, as we share so many of the same interests. However, we only see each other one every week and a half, and with the exception of when we first met and one date we've gone on, it's normally in group/public settings with his friends, and it's always at night (i.e., I've never hung out with between the hours of noon to 7 pm). Often when we make plans to see each other, he'll put it off til 9 pm because he'll be "busy" and when I get to his house, a few of his friends will already be there and it'll be clear they've been hanging out for hours.
I've recently been questioning whether or not this actually is going to be a successful relationship because I personally think I need someone who will make more of an effort to see me. He talks a lot about taking me out or spending time with me during the day, but it doesn't ever seem to happen. I've expressed this feeling to him twice before, and he acknowledged he would try to be more responsive, though nothing has actually changed. Even this weekend, after he brought up hanging out during the day on Sunday, when he finally got around to contacting me, he had already "lost track of time" and it was 11 pm and two of his friends were already at his house.
I infrequently enter relationships because I hate being emotionally vulnerable, though I've been trying to get better. At this point should I mention this to him again? He and I are exclusive, so should I break that off and begin exploring other options? Or am I being unreasonable of expecting him to make alone time for me?
TL;DR: | What is the appropriate amount of alone time/group time you should spend with someone you've just started dating, and at what point does asking someone to spend more time with you become needy/unfair to ask someone to change? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (17m) just found out that my ex(17f) and her long time crush(17m) are getting closer...I need help
POST: I've been single for five months now and I am comfortable with the idea of not having her in my life; in fact, I welcome it and can't wait to go to college next year where I won't have to see her again. Yet I still feel jealous at the thought of those two together. The fact is, I always knew she had feelings for him; he was her first crush in high school and even during our relationship she would often talk about him.
What's worse is that he's actually a friend of mine...we're not very close but still close enough that it would be inappropriate to date my ex. I've lost all my respect for him.
It just hurts knowing that they will be together next year most likely...I was always afraid she would leave me for him during our relationship. Maybe that was why she broke up in the first place but it doesn't matter.
Last night I became so consumed in my desire to find out for sure that I went on my ex's twitter and his twitter to look for any "signs"...I even considered hacking their facebook accounts to check their messages but didn't go through with it after I figured out how pathetic I was being. But this is ridiculous now...I can't help but want to know for sure if they are dating...it's as if knowing that will somehow make me feel better but I know I will feel like shit after I find out one day.
What's wrong with me guys? I was never like this before...and I never thought I'd stalk people's tweets like that...I'm feeling like shit. Someone please help me sort this out somehow.
TL;DR: | Ex and her long time crush who is also a friend are about to date; I end up stalking their twitter and think about hacking their facebook just to find out for sure... |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [25/F] High maintenance and my boyfriend [21/M] for [10months] is Low maintenance, how can we compromise?
POST: He courted me for only a week after meeting me, and asked me to be his girlfriend the moment when I was flying to Singapore for a weekend vacation, everything feels rushed...
I'm high maintenance, I need a lot of attention, not necessarily a lot of gifts, all I want is for him to choose me first and spend time with me, like surprise me with homemade cards, flowers, you know the effort of him showing me he cares and assures me enough with letters, I'm very old school too, I don't want long walls of text messages, I want a nice hand written letter, in a handmade card, that's all. I don't want anything too fancy..
He's not the type to be romantic, but I fell for him anyway, it's just he'll only move when I ask him and it feels wrong because it'll feel like I forced him to make me a card, to get me flowers, to spend time with me and I hate that kind of relationship where he won't move a budge unless I tell him....
I've never been too strict with anything, I just want to be courted... It really feels like the courting has stopped, and I'm scared shitless if he leaves, I have no one else anymore because I turned my back on my friends for him, I left so many groups for him and now all I have is him... What can I do when I've done everything and I'm still the one doing everything and all he does is play a video game...
TL;DR: | I want to be courted again, properly, sweetly, sincerely and not those hipster bullcrap, How can I get him to court me again and get him to talk about compromising? |
SUBREDDIT: r/books
TITLE: New York Public Library: A Rant
POST: So, after working in NYC for close to 8 years, I finally got around to getting myself a library card. Great, I thought - the perfect Christmas present to myself.
Except that it's not.
Start with the fact that "one does not simply walk into a library" and get a card - I applied online and it took three weeks to come in. So now it's no longer Christmas, or even New Year, but whatever - I'm still excited. Our local library system is pretty good, but NYC! Surely that has got to be a whole order of magnitude better. Bigger budget, more books and all that.
When I originally logged on to their catalog, that attitude seemed to be justified. There definitely *are* more of the obscure titles which want to read but which I don't want to purchase, since in all likelihood they're not something I'll be re-reading. But most of them are in so-called "off-site" storage, which means that I would have to request them *and then read them at the branch* - can't take them home. For some bizarre reason this applies to a bunch of fiction works, not just reference materials or rare/old books. So that's out - if I can't take it with me, it does me no good.
And then this morning, I went into the Mid-Manhattan branch to actually activate my card and, you know, scope it out. Gods be good - what's with the security?? I had (very grumpy) people examine my backpack on the way in *and* on the way out - and it was extremely cursory, so it was obnoxious and time-consuming and made *me* grumpy for no good reason whatsoever.
The people at the front desk - grumpy. The woman at the information desk - grumpy. Come on, folks - I know it's the New Yorker thing to do, and I worked in a library for a few years so I *know* it's not the most exhilarating job out there. But could you at least make an effort to *not* make me feel like I, as a patron, am imposing on your precious time?
TL;DR: | Looks like I'll be sticking with my regular library system, unless there's something I just really can't find there. So disappointed. |
SUBREDDIT: r/BreakUps
TITLE: Need Advice on Seeing Ex Almost-Daily
POST: Hey everyone,
My Girlfriend (20) and I (21) just broke up last week after 2 and a half years.
However, she told me she is not sure if it is forever, and she is seeing a councilor about some things in her life, and about us possibly getting back together to work on things. She told me she still loves me and cares about me, but right now she does not want to be together. She told me she is "waiting for something to happen." yet she doesn't know what.
She says while we are broken up we should remain friends. We are partners on a group project for school that we need to work on together. We attend the same class of only 20 people every MWTh I understand I need to be courteous and professional along those lines, and that I want to be, but how do I deal with seeing her so often? I want to get back together with her, but at the same time I'm agitated about her basically stringing me along and not saying if we're really done or not.
TL;DR: | How do I act when I see my ex nearly daily, and what can I do to help my case for her to get back with me? |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: building non "credit card" credit
POST: I've generally been quite good with credit cards but I've never understood the different types of credit. I've been good with my money, built up a good credit score (780+) and am now ready to buy my own car (first was a hand me down).
I have enough cash to cover it but I've heard from various people since I was young that credit card credit isn't enough to get the best rates when it comes time to buy a home. I payed for school myself and never took out loans so there's none of that in my history.
So my question is
TL;DR: | Would I be better off buying a car with cash or should I take out a loan to make some (how many?) payments on a car in order to establish this mysterious "installment" credit that I've never touched? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Say a group of your University's students are circulating a petition to allocate funds to equip each classroom with larger desks for obese students. Why would you either sign, or not sign that petition? (backstory)
POST: Today in one of my classes an obese young woman circulated a heavily signed petition that will allocate funds (from our student fees, I assume) that would serve to restock each classroom with desks large enough for obese students (the current desks allow a roughly 50"-60" waistline) It would include about 25-30% of the total desks per room.
It stated that a large percentage of obese students do not graduate from college, or have statistically lower GPA's than other students because of the social anxieties related to being obese in the university setting.
I ask, because when the petition landed on my desk I had NO IDEA if I wanted to sign it or not. There are so many programs within my university (this is a large university- about 25,000 students) directed to help overweight students to learn to live a healthier lifestyle which I wholeheartedly endorse. Counseling for eating disorders, fitness programs designed to start you out slow- all paid for by student fees and any additional or *extra* services are very affordable.
On the same token, I cannot even fathom being in that situation- and commend the bravery of the young woman who brought that petition in. Many people in the class looked extremely uncomfortable when she was making the pitch, but maintained an extremely respectful environment.
So Reddit, would you sign that petition? Or pass it along?
TL;DR: | obese woman wants other students to help supply classrooms with larger desks- and I'm far too ambivalent to NOT discuss it... |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Depressed friend. I'm his sole confidante, but I can't do this alone. Help?
POST: Friend is very (dangerously?) depressed and I'm his sole confidant. Help?
A friend of mine is going through a very rough patch. He's a good guy, and very smart. But very lonely, and increasingly hostile, depressed and focused on very, very little besides that depression and loneliness. He's secure financially and has relatively few obligations -- doesn't work, has a place to live, enough to eat, etc.
He says things that have become disturbing to me -- primarily because he is so wretchedly unhappy, I'm worried he may become a danger to himself.
I'm the only person he is talking to in much depth about his depression. Note: I live half a country away from him.
While we're good friends, and my first concern is for him and those around him, it's also incredibly taxing to try to talk him through this. I am not smart enough, I am not professionally trained in this. I can't do it. I would very much like him to see a therapist. He absolutely refuses to see one, despite my pleadings.
I've very much been in the "sole confidant" role in the past, but in this case I'm just not sure how to proceed.
I'm not sure who to reach out to, but know I need to reach out to someone for his sake and mine. He has few close friends, none of whom I would feel particularly comfortable contacting.
Any thoughts? Have you ever been in this situation? What to do? :(
TL;DR: | Friend is very depressed. Won't see a therapist. Is relying on me to play therapist. I'm not helping much. I live half a country away. Worried he may become a danger to himself. What to do? :( |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: [24M] confused by physical responses of [25F] to light touching
POST: I've been on two dates now with a women I met on OKC. We've talked a lot online and via text before the first date, and between the first and the second date (which was yesterday) and briefly last night after the date. When were are out, everything seemed to go well. I was having a good time and so was she, from what I could tell. We had a lot of good conversations, etc.
What is bothering me, is that whenever I would lightly touch her, like put my hand on her back, put my hand on her knee when sitting, be standing next to her so that our arms would touch, she would pull away. It's not that she would jerk away in some over the top reflex, but just subtly move herself a couple of inches away.
I haven't tried to go in for a kiss or hold her hand, since it appears that she is uncomfortable with me just touching her arm.
All of my previous dating has been hook-up based, so physical interaction has never been a stumbling block for me.
Is this what "taking it slow" means, or do I need to be more forward and just go in for a kiss? I see it as A) she really needs it to be a couple date in before she is comfortable with a guy or B) my moves have been too subtle for her to actually register, and I just need to kiss her already. But if I pick wrong, I may mess this up.
TL;DR: | The woman I am dating does not seem comfortable with light physical contact, and I have no idea how to proceed in that department with her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My younger brother is a dick and I'm in love with his GF
POST: My younger brother(23) brought his girlfriend(22) of one year to a family event. Little background on my little brother he is a douche and a complete snake. He repeatedly cheats on his girlfriends all while pretending to be prince charming. Usually his girlfriends are kind of bimbos but this one is different.
My nickname for her is The Most Interesting girl in the World, and she is beautiful, funny, nice, ect. I wont go into to much detail because she is a fellow redditor (hence the throw away account). Anyway we have been really hitting it off lately and talk a bunch. It kind of seems like she might feel the same way. The other day she was changing the oil in my truck for me and she joked that she wished she met me first.
So the problem is do I tell her that my brother is cheating and that I have feelings for her?
TL;DR: | My brother is a douche and is cheating on his girlfriend who I have feelings for, do I tell her he is cheating and that I have feelings for her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [17/F] with my boyfriend [20/M] of 3 years. Got caught snooping his browser history, feel really guilty, he just thought it was funny. What do, if anything?
POST: Long story short, he was hanging out with his family while I was in his bedroom playing some games. Match finished, I got bored and curious, went on his phone, looked at browsing history for pr0n (I have no problem with it, I just get curious about what kind of ~kinky stuff~ he's into). Temptation low impulse control forbidden fruit blah blah. He walked in, asked what I was doing, I immediately feel like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar, blurt out I that was snooping and why, and he starts laughing, says he doesn't care, etc. I feel incredibly embarrassed, tell him I know that it's wrong and I won't do it again, but he just seems to be amused.
I guess I have this preconceived notion that snooping is this cardinal sin for guys that is immediate break-up material no matter the circumstance. FWIW I would never, ever go through his texts or social media, but that doesn't matter much. I feel absolutely terrible and like I need to make it up some how, and understand that this would be a major breach of trust for most people, but he insists it's small potatoes. Should I ignore the guilt and leave it be, or would it be better to talk about it?
TL;DR: | got curious about my bf's fap material, got caught redhanded. how big of a deal is it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [23 F] ex [26 M] of 5 Years wants closure 3 weeks after breaking up
POST: I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years 3 weeks ago after a slow realization that I was no longer in love with him. I had spent the past year of our relationship trying desperately to see if I could fall back in love--but my heart was no longer in it and it wasn't fair for me to
string him along.
Yesterday he contacted me basically begging for me to talk to him because he seeks 'closure' since he felt our breakup conversation was too short. I disagree--I first broke the news to him and then met up with him later that week and explained what I said in this post and more.
What makes things difficult is that we share a huge amount of mutual friends and they are all insisting that I speak with him again. I personally feel like going into the details of things won't make anything better. For one, I don't want to date him anymore and I'm afraid he will try to win me back with the conversation. They are making me feel like a monster for not wanting to meet up with him and discuss things.
Second, my answers are probably not going to satisfy him. There wasn't a single moment or action that led to my decision.
Last, while I was upset the first few days I've been feeling pretty great otherwise. My professional life is going well, I've been exercising, reading and enjoying my freedom and alone time. Talking to him yesterday has put me back to square one with feeling shitty with all my feelings of sadness and guilt.
If I do talk to him, I want to do it over the phone. When I said this to him he insisted that "he's not having this conversation" over the phone.
So do I owe him closure? It is reasonable that I do not want to meet up and would rather have a phone conversation?
TL;DR: | Ex wants closure after I broke up with him 3 weeks ago. I do not want to, and if I must I want to talk on the phone and not in person. |
Subsets and Splits
No saved queries yet
Save your SQL queries to embed, download, and access them later. Queries will appear here once saved.