jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
What are you talking about? Of course he does.
No, Dad, Krusty is our guest. Your pratfalls and Punchinello antics aren't necessary here.
Really?
Yeah, just relax and be yourself.
Ohh, that's a relief.
Go wait in the car.
We could have seen a monkey.
Who wants to say grace?
Why don't we let our guest do it?
Bless us O lord...
Krusty, would you do the honors?
No! A clown is not a respected member of the community.
Well, alright. I'm a little rusty, but um, I'll try. Baruch ata, addonoy, elohanu melech ha-olom, ha-motzee le-chem mean ha-aretz.
He's talking funny talk.
No, Dad, that's Hebrew. Krusty must be Jewish.
A Jewish entertainer? Get outta here.
Dad, There are many prominent Jewish entertainers including Lauren Bacall, Dinah Shore, William Shatner, and Mel Brooks.
Mel Brooks is Jewish?
Krusty, are you alright?
Yes, it's just that saying the brucha brings back a lot of painful memories. The old days... my... my father...
Hey Krusty, are you gonna finish that meatloaf or what?
Poor Krusty, he's like a black velvet painting come to life.
Krusty, why don't you tell us what's wrong? You'll feel better.
Yeah, spill your guts, man.
Come on...
Yeah, Krusty, tell us.
Well, okay. First of all, my real name isn't Krusty the Clown, it's Hershel Krustofsky. My father was a rabbi. His father was a rabbi. His father's father -- well, you get the idea.
My father was the most respected man in the lower east side of Springfield. People would come from miles around to ask his advice.
Reb Krustofsky, should I finish college?
Yes. No one is poor except he who lacks knowledge.
Rabbi, should I have another child?
Yes, another child would be a blessing on your house.
Rabbi, should I buy a Chrysler?
Could you rephrase that as a, as a ethical question?
Hmm... is it right to buy a Chrysler?
Yes, for great is the car with power steering and dyna-flow suspension.
Hershel, life is not fun. Life is serious. Seltzer is for drinking, not for spraying. Pie is for noshing, not for throwing.
But papa, can't...
But nothing! You'll do as I say or you'll get such a zetz that you won't even know what hit you.
Dad wanted me to follow in his footsteps, but the pull of clowning was too strong. I got my first big laughs at Yeshiva impersonating my father.
Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps.
Don't worry, I don't even like using the bathroom after you.
Why you little...
Krusty, please continue.
My father tried to extinguish the comedy bug. But it was no use.
What are you doing in that bathroom?
Go away.
Open the door this instant.
Oy gevalt!
Close the door!
Then came my big break. A Talmudic conference in the Catskills and I was the entertainment.
But the Lord works in mysterious ways.
Do you know that my son Hershel was first in his Yeshiva class. As a matter of fact, he was voted "The Most Likely to Hear God."
Oh go on, Hymie. You're exaggerating again. You're so proud of your son.
A rabbi would never exaggerate. A rabbi composes; he creates thoughts; he tells stories that may never have happened, but he does not exaggerate.
My father would have never have suspected a thing, were it not for one rowdy rabbi.
Hey, Funny-man!
Hershel? Hershel! Oy vay iz mir!
I have no son!
You have brought shame on our family. Oh, if you were a musician or a jazz singer, this I could forgive. But, but-but this? I never want to see you again. You... you... clown!
And I haven't seen my father since.
That is so sad.
Krusty, do you think about your father a lot?
All the time. Except when I'm at the track. Then it's all business.
Look at you, Bart.
Oh, isn't that fun?
Hey, whoa.
Oh, the Fourth of July. I can't believe that little boy in the pictures is you, Bart.
Yeah, I've got a lot of fond memories.
Well, look at the time. Almost midnight.
Do you have any yearbooks?
No, that's it. You've seen everything.
So uh, Milhouse, know any knock-knock jokes?
I want to go home.
Homer, maybe you better take Milhouse home.
Gladly.
Wow. The Concert For Bangladesh.
Goodnight, Krusty. Sorry about your dad.
Don't worry about me, I'm a survivor.
Hey, did I leave my keys inside?
Oh, yeah. Here they are.
Academy Award Playhouse now returns you to "Hercules vs. The Martians."
Welcome to our spaceship, mighty Hercules.
Hello? Hello? Anybody there?
Oh great, we came all this way and it's the wrong guy.
I didn't mean that literally.
What's this? I hear a phone ring and all of a sudden there's nothing. I'm listening and there's no talking. Hello. Mister, who are you? Why would they call ya if they don't want to talk to ya.
Didn't Itchy Jr. look happy playing with his father? And didn't Scratchy Jr. look happy playing with his dad until they got run over by a thresher? Wasn't that a beautiful cartoon? For the love of God, cut to a commercial.
Poor Krusty.
A man who envies our family is a man who needs help.
We've got to do something.
Let's move.
Reverend Lovejoy, we need you to help us find a rabbi.
Well, um... before you make any rash decisions, let me just remind you that the church is changing to meet the needs of today's young Christians.
No, no. We're not converting, we just want to find a Rabbi Krustofsky.
Rabbi Krustofsky? Why, I do a radio call-in show with him every Sunday night.
Really?
I didn't know that.
Gee, I mention it in my sermon every week.
Oh, oh, that radio show.

What are you talking about? Of course he does.

No, Dad, Krusty is our guest. Your pratfalls and Punchinello antics aren't necessary here.

Really?

Yeah, just relax and be yourself.

Ohh, that's a relief.

Go wait in the car.

We could have seen a monkey.

Who wants to say grace?

Why don't we let our guest do it?

Bless us O lord...

Krusty, would you do the honors?

No! A clown is not a respected member of the community.

Well, alright. I'm a little rusty, but um, I'll try. Baruch ata, addonoy, elohanu melech ha-olom, ha-motzee le-chem mean ha-aretz.

He's talking funny talk.

No, Dad, that's Hebrew. Krusty must be Jewish.

A Jewish entertainer? Get outta here.

Dad, There are many prominent Jewish entertainers including Lauren Bacall, Dinah Shore, William Shatner, and Mel Brooks.

Mel Brooks is Jewish?

Krusty, are you alright?

Yes, it's just that saying the brucha brings back a lot of painful memories. The old days... my... my father...

Hey Krusty, are you gonna finish that meatloaf or what?

Poor Krusty, he's like a black velvet painting come to life.

Krusty, why don't you tell us what's wrong? You'll feel better.

Yeah, spill your guts, man.

Come on...

Yeah, Krusty, tell us.

Well, okay. First of all, my real name isn't Krusty the Clown, it's Hershel Krustofsky. My father was a rabbi. His father was a rabbi. His father's father -- well, you get the idea.

My father was the most respected man in the lower east side of Springfield. People would come from miles around to ask his advice.

Reb Krustofsky, should I finish college?

Yes. No one is poor except he who lacks knowledge.

Rabbi, should I have another child?

Yes, another child would be a blessing on your house.

Rabbi, should I buy a Chrysler?

Could you rephrase that as a, as a ethical question?

Hmm... is it right to buy a Chrysler?

Yes, for great is the car with power steering and dyna-flow suspension.

Hershel, life is not fun. Life is serious. Seltzer is for drinking, not for spraying. Pie is for noshing, not for throwing.

But papa, can't...

But nothing! You'll do as I say or you'll get such a zetz that you won't even know what hit you.

Dad wanted me to follow in his footsteps, but the pull of clowning was too strong. I got my first big laughs at Yeshiva impersonating my father.

Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps.

Don't worry, I don't even like using the bathroom after you.

Why you little...

Krusty, please continue.

My father tried to extinguish the comedy bug. But it was no use.

What are you doing in that bathroom?

Go away.

Open the door this instant.

Oy gevalt!

Close the door!

Then came my big break. A Talmudic conference in the Catskills and I was the entertainment.

But the Lord works in mysterious ways.

Do you know that my son Hershel was first in his Yeshiva class. As a matter of fact, he was voted "The Most Likely to Hear God."

Oh go on, Hymie. You're exaggerating again. You're so proud of your son.

A rabbi would never exaggerate. A rabbi composes; he creates thoughts; he tells stories that may never have happened, but he does not exaggerate.

My father would have never have suspected a thing, were it not for one rowdy rabbi.

Hey, Funny-man!

Hershel? Hershel! Oy vay iz mir!

I have no son!

You have brought shame on our family. Oh, if you were a musician or a jazz singer, this I could forgive. But, but-but this? I never want to see you again. You... you... clown!

And I haven't seen my father since.

That is so sad.

Krusty, do you think about your father a lot?

All the time. Except when I'm at the track. Then it's all business.

Look at you, Bart.

Oh, isn't that fun?

Hey, whoa.

Oh, the Fourth of July. I can't believe that little boy in the pictures is you, Bart.

Yeah, I've got a lot of fond memories.

Well, look at the time. Almost midnight.

Do you have any yearbooks?

No, that's it. You've seen everything.

So uh, Milhouse, know any knock-knock jokes?

I want to go home.

Homer, maybe you better take Milhouse home.

Gladly.

Wow. The Concert For Bangladesh.

Goodnight, Krusty. Sorry about your dad.

Don't worry about me, I'm a survivor.

Hey, did I leave my keys inside?

Oh, yeah. Here they are.

Academy Award Playhouse now returns you to "Hercules vs. The Martians."

Welcome to our spaceship, mighty Hercules.

Hello? Hello? Anybody there?

Oh great, we came all this way and it's the wrong guy.

I didn't mean that literally.

What's this? I hear a phone ring and all of a sudden there's nothing. I'm listening and there's no talking. Hello. Mister, who are you? Why would they call ya if they don't want to talk to ya.

Didn't Itchy Jr. look happy playing with his father? And didn't Scratchy Jr. look happy playing with his dad until they got run over by a thresher? Wasn't that a beautiful cartoon? For the love of God, cut to a commercial.

Poor Krusty.

A man who envies our family is a man who needs help.

We've got to do something.

Let's move.

Reverend Lovejoy, we need you to help us find a rabbi.

Well, um... before you make any rash decisions, let me just remind you that the church is changing to meet the needs of today's young Christians.

No, no. We're not converting, we just want to find a Rabbi Krustofsky.

Rabbi Krustofsky? Why, I do a radio call-in show with him every Sunday night.

Really?

I didn't know that.

Gee, I mention it in my sermon every week.

Oh, oh, that radio show.