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rick-and-morty-script

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Rick:
I’ve seen enough of the galaxy to know that what we’ve got here is a Cromulon from the Cygnus-5 Expanse. So you can forget about nukes, and you can forget about math. This head won’t go away until Earth shows them it’s got a hit song.
Rick:
No, Frasier. A live performance of a newly-written, catchy, original song. The Cromulon feed on the talent and showmanship of less-evolved lifeforms.
President:
All right, all right. Thank you, Mr. Sanchez. Change of plan, people. Get me Pharrell, Randy Newman, Billy Corgan, and The-Dream. The-Dream? He wrote “Umbrella” and “Single Ladies”? You people haven’t heard of The-Dream?
Rick:
You’re gonna wanna put them on that giant speaker system at your sonic testing facility at Area 51.
Nathan:
How do you know about that?
President:
For God’s sake, Nathan, the man turns people into snakes. He can use Google Maps.
President:
What? How is that possible? Do people just die when I name them?
President:
Dear God.
Rick:
Good luck, Mr. President.
President:
Sanchez! Are you a musician?
Rick:
I dabble, Mr. President.
President:
Get this man and his grandson on a Blackhawk to Area 51.
Principal Vagina:
Hi, Principal Vagina. The name’s real, possibly Scandinavian. I’m just gonna come out and make this pitch. The old gods are dead. Fuck all previous existing religions. All hail the one true god, the giant head in the sky.
Principal Vagina:
Ah, di di di di. Bob, Bob, I get it. But unless this can beat that… what have you done for me lately? So if you wanna excuse me, I’m going out on the sidewalk and dropping to my knees and pledging my eternal soul to the thing that literally controls the fucking weather! Outta my way!
Mr. Goldenfold:
Ohhhh, this is my favorite part!
Morty:
Rick, are you really a musician?
Rick:
Who’s NOT a musician, Morty?
Morty:
Me!
Rick:
Yeah, not with that attitude.
Morty:
B-b-but we don’t have a song!
Principal Vagina:
Giant head in the sky, please forgive all that we’ve done. We’re sorry for increased levels of emissions and our racism. And of course, the amber alerts I keep ignoring on my phone.
Rick:
All right, Morty, let’s get ready to do it! Why don’t you, uh, find a button on one of those keyboards and lay down some kind of beat?
Morty:
Rick, I think we need to cut our losses. We get our family and portal out of here!
Rick:
Morty! Good music comes from people who are relaxed. Just hit a button, Morty! Gimme a beat!
Morty:
Oh man, ok, all right, um…
Rick:
Ahhhhh yeahhhhh Ya gotta get schwifty Ya gotta get schwifty in here It’s time to get schwifty
Nathan:
Get… schwifty? What the hell is that?
President:
It’s our world’s best effort, that’s what.
Rick:
Take off your pants and your panties Shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here I’m Mr. Bulldops
Nathan:
Mr. Bulldops?
President:
Don’t analyze it, Nathan. It’s working!
Rick:
Take a shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here
Summer:
Listen! The storm is stopping!
Rick: