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MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying to drive that nail until he signed the check over to the carny . The carny got all his money , plus his week of wages and he never did drive that nail . MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is December 21 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Bobby Copeland , 104 Claremont Road , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take his oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Bobby , please state your full name , place of birth , and date . MR . COPELAND : Dad had a relative who worked here , and this relative told him that they needed some electricians . He came up here and went to work for J . A . Jones on construction . MR . COPELAND : Someone came and got us and brought us in a truck . The truck had a covered bed in it . Me , my father and one of my brothers rode in the back , and mother and brothers rode in the front . MR . COPELAND : No , I cannot . The only thing I remember is we were very , very poor , and I knew we would get a choice . I remember distinctly . In our class we got a glass of milk - a little container of milk - very small when it came in glass jars . I don 't know who paid for the milk , but we got milk each day , and I got chocolate milk . That 's the first time I ever tasted chocolate milk . MR . COPELAND : We lived in a trailer , a green trailer . Everything was green back in those days - green and gray . Now , this wasn 't a trailer that you hook to a truck and pulled down the road . It was squarer . It was very , very small . In that trailer we had five boys - my mother , my dad , and my grandmother . We were on top of each other almost all the time . MR . COPELAND : He worked it J . A . Jones . I 'm assuming it was down there . No , he carpooled . We did not have a car . He got a ride with someone . Let 's put it that way . MR . COPELAND : No , like all boys back in those days , we played Cowboys and Indians . We would make kites and fly the kite . We couldn 't afford to buy them , so we made our own kites and flew them . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think you told me one time that it was kind of difficult to find your way home sometimes . Was that true ? How did you know where you lived ? MR . COPELAND : We came from the sticks - very , very far back in the sticks . We started the school at Wheat . Okay , these trailers were laid out in lines , and there were no markers - no trees or flowers or anything like this . If I could 've cut cattycorner across going to my house , it would 've been much shorter . But I was afraid I might not find the right trailer , so I would take the long way and go straight down the line , come to that particular road , and count the street numbers until I got up to my trailer . We lived at block 42 , trailer seven . MR . COPELAND : We were there probably around a year . We lived at three different places in Gamble Valley . The reason we lived at three different places - this was the extreme west end of town . At that time , the government was closing out . The war just got over , and they were closing out the trailers . So they started at the extreme west end of Oak Ridge and moved the trailers out . We moved into Gamble Valley , which was then west Oak Ridge . We moved in the west end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long until they moved out to the west end of Gamble Valley . So we moved in to the center of Gamble Valley , just a couple months later . They move those trailers out . Then we moved into the east end of Gamble Valley . It wasn 't long before they move those out . Then we moved into a trailer in Grove Center . MR . COPELAND : I remember my playmates . We had a good time . One thing - I don 't know if you would be interested to hear - as they took the trailers out , they would leave the electrical wire hanging outside the trailer . We had a little hut , and we got the bright idea that it would be nice if that hut had electric lights . We got us a lamp and took part of the cord off that . We went to one of the trailers and cut some of the electrical cord up there . We put this wire together , and then we opened one of the windows to one of the trailers and plugged it in . We had electric lights in our hut - until the mother saw the plug in the wall , and electric light didn 't last very long . Fortunately , we did not get electrocuted . MR . COPELAND : We played Cowboys and Indians , and we rolled tires . That was big , big back in those days . You would get a tire , and you would roll it down the road . We would have races against our friends about who could push the tire the fastest , them or us . We played those tires a lot . Back then , all the boys played Cowboys and Indians . We played Cowboys all the time . This was even before we got interested in sports . There weren 't any organized sports back in those days , and we didn 't play many sports . We might kick a ball around or something like this , play kick the can , or hide and seek ; but that 's just about the extent of it . MR . COPELAND : We surely did . As you would guess , with that many people - the five kids , and mother and dad , and grandmother - we got quite a bit of milk . Of course we would leave the milkman a note , and he would leave the milk on the front steps . It worked out very well until we got milk that the cows had eaten onions or even bitter weeds ; and then you just put the milk back out there and let them know that they 're going to take this milk back next time and give us credit because we couldn 't drink it . MR . HUNNICUTT : How about ice , was in there ice delivery , too ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall getting ice delivered . I 'm sure it was , but I just don 't remember it . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was oil . I wouldn 't bet on it , but I think it was . Bear in mind that I was nine or 10 years old , and the only thing I was interested in was eating and sleeping and playing . MR . COPELAND : I went to Gamble Valley . I 've had a lot of arguments from people who say , " You didn 't go to Gamble Valley . " I did , too . I know several other people in Oak Ridge at that time that went to Gamble Valley . MR . COPELAND : Because it became a black school . They say , " You couldn 't have gone there because it was all for blacks . " Before it was for blacks , it was for the whites . Later , it became a school for the blacks . MR . HUNNICUTT : You are correct . There was a Gamble Valley school for the kids in the trailer camp . MR . COPELAND : Yes , there was . You have photos of it . MR . COPELAND : We moved to Grove Center on Robin Lane . Here 's another interesting story . Some lady called me one time and we got to talking . She said she lived on Robin Lane . I said that I used to live on Robin Lane . She said , " You did ? When did you live there ? " I said , " When it was a trailer court . " She said , " Oh no , there were never trailers on Robin Lane . There were only houses , and we bought one of the first houses that were built here . " You know , you can 't argue with someone like that . I knew that I lived on Robin Lane . My cousin lived right around the corner in that Grove Center trailer court . As you know , it was a trailer court before there were houses there . MR . COPELAND : I still went to Gamble Valley for the rest of the year - the rest of the sixth grade . Then the government closed out the trailer camp in Grove Center . So we had to move again . We moved down to the west end of town in a flattop on West Bryn Mawr . MR . COPELAND : It was just the typical grammar school , where classes are - it all runs together . You had one year one class all day . You have Art and Music and whatever else . That 's what we had , and it was a lot of fun . I made some good friends . The only thing I remember distinctly about it was that one guy lived in Mexico . This was about the fifth grade we were in , and we were studying Mexico . He decided that he would be a Good Samaritan and make us some chili and hot chocolate . It sounded really good and he brought it in . When he brought it in , he probably made the chili like the Mexicans like it . It was super - hot . We were 11 and 12 years old . We would eat that chili , and then we would have to have something to drink because it was killing us . Well , the hot chocolate was scalding hot , and every kid in the building got a burned mouth . MR . COPELAND : It seemed like we had one named Mrs . Pettis . I believe that was her name . I don 't remember the other one . MR . COPELAND : We went - again , we moved down on Bryn Mawr , and from there I went to Robertsville . It 's there now , but it 's not the same building . We went to Robertsville , and we caught a bus from the west end of town to the Robertsville Junior High . MR . COPELAND : The original Robertsville School . Let me back up . It was the Robertsville community , but it was the Jefferson Junior High School at the time . And they moved the Jefferson Junior High school to the east end of Oak Ridge now , but when I went there it was Jefferson Junior High . Let me correct myself . MR . COPELAND : No . I don 't remember a whole lot about it . I remember the gym and some of the classrooms , and I remember the two - story building that set up next to one of the roads . The good thing about that building was the fire escape . We loved that fire escape . If you are on the second floor , you had the chance to use it every time we had a fire drill . It was really fun . We wanted to have one every day if we could . As you would guess , all the boys gathered at the foot of the fire escape . MR . COPELAND : It was a chute . It was a chute connected to the building . You would go , and they would open the door . You would get in the chute and slide down it - just like a slide . Every kid back in those days loved to slide . We loved to fly down that chute . It was metal , and the boys would congregate at the bottom to watch the girls slide down , hoping their dresses would go up over their head . MR . COPELAND : This was a two - bedroom flattop , and it was pretty plain inside . We had a big coal burning stove , and the appliances were furnished . The refrigerator was small . The stove was small . Everything had to be small to fit inside this . Again , this was a two - bedroom flattop , and we still had eight people living in the two - bedroom flattop . MR . COPELAND : In one bedroom , we had one bed for my grandmother , which would be a twin bed . Then butting up against that against one wall would be a double bed where two brothers slept . On the end of her bed would be another twin bed , and I had that twin bed by myself . Then my two brothers slept in the living room on the couch . It was crowded . MR . COPELAND : There was a coal box out at everybody 's house . The thing about these coal boxes - they were pretty ugly . And for some reason , it seemed like that 's where everybody went to have their photo made - sitting on the coal box . I don 't know why they chose that because it was probably about the ugliest place that one could get . MR . COPELAND : We had wooden sidewalks at the flattop . Let me back up . When we lived in Gamble Valley , we had wooden sidewalks . But the wooden sidewalks looked like they were about two - by - six tall . My vivid memory is that the rats - I 'm not talking about mice . I 'm talking about rats . These rats would dig under those sidewalks , and if you walked on the sidewalks , you could hear a rat running underneath you as you walked on the sidewalk . MR . COPELAND : I recall one distinctly - Mrs . Walsh , a wonderful lady . I guess everyone has one teacher in their background , which really stands out in their memory . She was a wonderful lady I surmise that she was a strong Christian individual . I never asked her , but the way she lived and the way she talked and acted , made me think that . I know in the eighth grade I had Miss Fillers . In the ninth grade I had Mr . Slusher . MR . COPELAND : When you are 13 years old , it 's very difficult to tell . Mrs . Walsh had gray hair , and I would guess she was in her 50s . Miss Fillers I would guess was probably in her mid - 30s , and Mr . Slusher was an older individual . I would guess he was pushing 60 . MR . COPELAND : If you don 't play for one of the main teams - the varsity teams , then they have what they call intramurals where you can participate in sports , but you won 't earn a letter and it won 't be highly organized . You won 't have practices and things like this . MR . COPELAND : Oh my gracious . Nick Orlando was one of the coaches . Nick Orlando was one of the lead characters in Oak Ridge history . I mean that in the nicest sense of the word . Everyone knew Nick Orlando . Everyone knew the guy , and everyone was crazy about him . He knew everybody not only in the school systems , but almost everybody in Oak Ridge . He was a real character . MR . COPELAND : They were totally different because you had various classes and rooms that you went to for different things . Like for Physical Education , Art Appreciation , Music Appreciation . In grammar school , you had them all in one class all day long . MR . COPELAND : I don 't think it was big , but I do not know . We lived close enough that I went home for lunch . I don 't think that would be allowed today . I went home for lunch . I was probably about 12 , and each day I went to lunch . I don 't think that they allowed that today . I don 't know . MR . COPELAND : The high school was located at Jackson Square . Later on that became Jefferson Junior . I went there my junior year , and then my senior year I went to the current high school where it 's located now . MR . COPELAND : It was much more intense . Things were I thought better organized , and we had more time to devote to particular studies and that type of thing . MR . COPELAND : You have to bear in mind that my parents had no education - or very little education . They had no way of leading me or instructing me . I was a typical boy , I would say . I just took the easiest classes I could get to get out of there . MR . COPELAND : I did . I participated in sports . I was on the track team for two years under Coach Ben Martin - a very memorable time because Coach Martin was a wonderful gentleman . MR . COPELAND : It was because we hadn 't taken a lot of showers in Gamble Valley and previous places where we lived . This was a real experience ; it was a pretty good deal . When people had to take a bath at my house , I did not take a bath . Everybody lined up to take baths , and I had had mine at school . MR . COPELAND : I was a high jumper and a long jumper . It was good to be with those people . I had never been on a team before , so that meant a lot to me to have teammates . Of course to have a coach like Ben Martin was a real bonus . MR . COPELAND : One day some guys were out jumping - high jumping , and I just was hanging around I guess . I thought maybe I would try that . In fact , this was in ninth grade . I finally found this out . After they got through jumping , I found that I could out jump them all . I had no idea . You don 't know what you can do until you try something . I didn 't know I could jump or how high I could jump or run that there or anything else . It just so happened that I happened to be the best that day . MR . HUNNICUTT : I remember Ben Martin when you had him in Physical Education . He would make the students do certain things related to track events . That way he could pick out some of his people for track . MR . COPELAND : He would . He would have races and broad jumps and long jumps and stuff like this . In a lot of cases , like I was talking about jumping - in a lot of cases , you might not realize you are fast until you run against somebody and keep beating people . Ben Martin would come up to you and say " I would like to have you on my team . Would you consider going up for track ? " Some did , and some didn 't . MR . COPELAND : He was a gentleman . That very much impressed me . My father was anything but a gentleman , so I hadn 't been around very many gentlemen . Martin was one of the most gentlemanly fellows . He was kind and considerate . He did not use foul language . He was well respected by not only the students , but the teachers as well . I think the thing that impressed me more than anything else was he was a man to look up to . MR . COPELAND : I took the easiest classes I could take . That was a mistake . I had no guidance at home . No one ever asked me if I had homework or what classes I was taking this year . I was never asked those questions . " Did you study your homework tonight ? Did you have any homework ? " I was never asked those questions - never . Most of the time , I just took the easiest classes I could take . MR . COPELAND : Of course you had to earn a letter in one of the sports . If you accomplished so much in a particular sport , you would be awarded a school letter with an Oak Ridge OR and a nice sweater to go along with it . Once you earned one of those letters , then you are eligible to join the Letter Men 's Club . MR . COPELAND : Usually in football you had to participate in so many quarters . I 'm assuming in basketball it would be so many quarters . In track it would be so many points . In baseball , I don 't know how they measured in baseball , but I guess their coach would determine on his own if you played enough that he thought you deserved a letter . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me a little bit about collecting stamps . I know you don 't just take them off the letters and put them in a book . MR . COPELAND : That 's how you get started . Usually if you are serious about it , it advances from there when you go to the post office and by every new issue of stamp you can get . Sometimes there was a whole sheet of stamps you would get . It depended on what type of stamps you are collecting . Maybe you were collecting foreign stamps , if that 's the case , [ inaudible ] the stamp . It was something new . Almost every boy had a collection of some kind - arrowheads , coins , stamps , or they chased butterflies . It seemed like girls didn 't have any collections , but boys always had to be collecting something . MR . COPELAND : We would try to find a ball field someplace . Let me rephrase that - we would try to find a field , not a ball field , but a field - any place that had some space . Of course we would play softball . We would play softball . We would start about nine in the morning and play until lunch ; come back after we ate lunch ; go back to the ball field and play again . We would play . We would ride bicycles if we had one . Pretty much that 's what we did all summer - play softball . In the wintertime , hopefully one of our buddies would have a basketball goal , and we could go over there and shoot basketball . Of course we would play touch football . That was a big thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you visit the swimming pool very much ? MR . COPELAND : I didn 't visit the swimming pool very much . I never liked water , and I sunburn very easily . I didn 't visit very much . That pool back then was so cold that once you went in the pool if you got out , the chances are you wouldn 't get back in . It was just too cold . It was spring - fed , and it was icy . MR . COPELAND : I never skated , but I liked to go down there because they had great music . They had music like you would hear at a carnival or something . I wouldn 't want to go to the skating rinks today . Last time I went there they were playing heavy rock ' n roll and stuff like this . But they played beautiful music to skate by . They played music where you could get skates and dance to the music . You can 't dance to that music on skates today , I don 't think . The music just kind of flowed with the skaters , and I used to love to see that and watch the skaters . I never tried to skate , but I love to watch the skaters . MR . COPELAND : Nothing , except getting that irradiated dime . MR . HUNNICUTT : I think everybody remembers that , and that 's it . Did you ever see the Van de Graaff , where the hair stands up ? MR . COPELAND : I don 't recall that . I was pretty young at the time . I only visited there I think one time . I was probably about 13 . I just ambled through the building and didn 't know what I was looking for , and just found the dime . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't have any spending money . This was the roughest thing . Of course I was really into the cowboy movies back then , which every boy went to the cowboy movies . That was the thing to do . I remember I would start begging on Wednesday , " Can I have a dime to go to the movie on Saturday ? " If I was lucky , I would get a dime , but I didn 't get to go a whole lot because I wouldn 't get a dime . When I got a paper route , I felt like I was rich . I was probably making about $ 3 . 50 a week . Not only did I feel rich , I felt independent . I felt like I didn 't have to depend on anybody else . I could buy my own candy . I could go to the movies when I wanted to . I could go to doubles or whatever else . I really felt rich . I 'm sure I made less than four dollars a week , but I really felt rich . MR . COPELAND : I started off with that [ Knoxville ] Journal . Then later on I graduated - I say graduated to the [ Knoxville News ] Sentinel . The Journal had probably I would guess 25 percent of the circulation that the Sentinel had when you got a Journal route , you had a tremendous amount of walking and a few customers . I didn 't like the people who ran the Journal . I didn 't think they were honorable people , especially the route manager I had . I didn 't think he was an honorable guy . But when I went to work the Sentinel , I found they were very honorable and straight shooters . Your route was probably one third as long , and it had maybe twice as many customers . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did you get the money for the newspaper ? You had customers , and they paid you . How did you go about getting the money ? MR . COPELAND : I would - the paper was $ . 35 a week and I believe I got $ . 12 . I would get the money , and I would get my paper bill , and I would pay my paper bill . I would keep the money that I was allowed . MR . COPELAND : I do . The route manager for the Sentinel was Mr . Huffaker , and the one for the Journal was Mr . Smith . I think Guy Smith may have owned the Journal back in those days . This was probably one of his relatives . Anyway , they were very shyster people . I just didn 't like them at all . MR . COPELAND : Back again , remember as I told you when they started moving the trailers out of the west end , they started doing the same thing with the flattops when we were on the west end . So we had to move again . We were forced to move again . We got a flattop on Illinois Avenue , which was also a two - bedroom flattop . I liked to live there because it was close to the Hilltop Market . MR . COPELAND : They had a drugstore up there , and it had a jukebox . You could go up there - they had a soda jerk , where you could buy your ice cream over - the - counter or your sundae or soda over - the - counter . Then right next door they had a grocery store . We would go in there and buy candy . It was just a short walk from where we lived , so I enjoy that very much . MR . COPELAND : Yes , but not close by . I used to have to walk up to Warrior Circle . That 's where a lot of buddies lived up there - not right next door to me , but half - mile away I guess . MR . COPELAND : Very much so . Every place we ever lived the people were just as kind and pleasant . It was almost like relatives . Maybe sometimes it was better than relatives . There was no bickering going on . Everywhere we lived , it was very pleasant . As you heard this 100 times , people didn 't lock their doors . They didn 't worry about anybody stealing anything . The city was still a closed city until 1949 , and it was just a wonderful time . MR . COPELAND : No , Ididn 't . When I was in high school , I noticed that more . When I was in high school , is obvious that some of these kids or youngsters were very bright . There was no question they had a great future in front of them . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , I think in most cases it was because they were in homes where they had dinner and talked about math and science . When other kids had dinner , they talked about football and family things like this . I think the environment they lived in and came from had a great deal to do with their being so bright . MR . COPELAND : I started going to the movies in that Happy Valley area , which most people in this town even today have never heard of this theater . It was the Playtime Theater . I bet you if you asked 10 , 000 people in this town , you won 't find one person who has heard of it . We went to the theater down there for a short while , and there are no photos . There was a little shopping center there - little grocery store and post office and everything - a barbershop and everything we needed . But as far as I know , there are no pictures anywhere of that shopping center . I 've always wanted a picture of the theater , but it just doesn 't exist . MR . COPELAND : It was only on Saturday if I was lucky enough to get a dime . Never would I even think about asking for a dime during the week . Of course , most of the time I wouldn 't be wanting to go during the week to the larger production movies . I liked the cheap Westerns . MR . HUNNICUTT : You mentioned one time to me some time ago about an event that happened at a movie theater in Midtown , I believe . Would you like to recall that ? MR . COPELAND : It was one of the most exciting times in my young life . I was really into these movies - the cowboy movies . I never dreamed I would get to see one of my heroes . That 's what was good about these movies back in those days . The cowboys were clean - cut . They didn 't drink or carouse or swear . In fact , if they had a bad man , they would pick him up to hit him again . When they shot someone , you didn 't see blood . If you wanted to be like one of those guys . You wanted to be Roy Rogers or Bob Steele or Gene Autry or one of these guys . One day I saw a poster - we didn 't take a paper , there was a poster on one of the telephone poles - the electrical poles . It said that Bob Steele was coming to town . I was just beside myself . I couldn 't believe that some little boy in East Tennessee would get the chance to meet one of his all - time heroes . When it comes time for Bob Steele to getting close to get here , at that time I started begging like crazy to get some money to go see him . Of course , they cost nine cents to get in . I was hoping I might get an extra quarter because I thought maybe Bob Steele would be offering photographs for sale . Things were cheap in those days as you might have guessed . A photo would get you a quarter . I got so lucky my mom gave me $ . 35 . My dad would never give me any money . He thought it was a total waste of time going to those old cowboy shows . He did not know that you are getting a lesson in morality every single time you saw one of those shows . I got to see Bob Steele , and it was just a great time . Just as he closed his program … MR . COPELAND : This was at the Midtown Theater . They showed a movie with Bob Steele , and then he came up on stage and talked and talked . It was a great time . I remember one thing about us talking . He was talking - it was a big bang on one of the side doors , and it stopped , and Bob Steele started talking again . Here comes the banging on the door again . He would start talking again , and on the third time but was so loud it echoed throughout the theater . MR . COPELAND : I was sitting in kind of the center , and I remember distinctly as I was sitting on the center this was on the left - hand corner down near the stage . Finally Bob Steele says " Will one of you guys go over there and see what that is ? " When the guy went over there and opened that door , here come one of the movie bad man - Blackjack O ' Shea was his name . He was shooting that gun and screaming at the top of his lungs " Where is Bob Steele ? " I think that little kid that opened that door probably just melted right into the floor . I have often wondered how many years it took him to get over that . After it was over , I did get to see Bob Steele , and he had photographs for sale , and they were a quarter - just exactly what I had left . I asked him to sign one for me , and he said " How do you want it signed ? " I said " Will you please sign it to Bobby ? " He said " I think I can do that because they used to call me - Bobby . " I left the theater with that cherished photo . MR . COPELAND : No , I did not . They had sock hops and things like that . I 've been to a couple sock hops . I didn 't dance , just went with a couple of guys instead of going with a couple of girls . MR . COPELAND : Sure , like anybody else . Luckily we moved to Illinois Avenue , and on my paper route was this beautiful little girl - a dark skinned girl . I delivered her paper for three years , and I often wondered about this because here I was dating the girl , and I delivered her paper for three years , and I never got a tip . I wasn 't sure if her parents were thrilled about me dating their daughter not . They never gave me a tip . Back in those days , I would say 75 percent of the people gave the paperboy a tip . If the paper was $ . 35 , they might give you a half a dollar and say " Keep the change . " I know one lady on the paper route , she gave me a silver dollar every year , bless her heart . MR . COPELAND : We didn 't have a car until I was 17 , so pretty much I would go to church with her . Then we would come home and be at her house for a while . Then we could walk to the swimming pool . It wasn 't far from the pool from where we lived . We could walk to the Grove Theater . That was interesting . If we saw a real late movie , we took the cab home . There was a cab place there in Grove Center . Often we walked back up the hill . It shows you how times have changed . I wouldn 't want to walk up the hill now myself at night , much less accompanied by beautiful girl . MR . COPELAND : At that time , I think it was $ . 35 . When I first started going to the movies , it was nine cents and it went up to $ . 12 . I think it went up to $ . 35 . It was cheaper for students . I know that . MR . COPELAND : Didn 't have Cokes . They had a drink machine . They put three cans of orange juice , and they would add water to it . They had a mixture of stirred things . So you had orange juice and popcorn , which that 's a really good combination . MR . COPELAND : Yes , not events , but just drop in like the other kids would . We would fraternize with other guys and gals you went to school with . We would shoot pool and play other games . Primarily pool was a big thing with the boys . MR . COPELAND : Right there in Grove Center , bordering on the Turnpike . I forget what it 's called today . By the way , after - before it was the Wildcat Den , it was a name I 'm sure that you remember because you 've done a lot of history . At one time it was called Club Fiesta . At Club Fiesta , they sold soft drinks and ice cream , cookies and so forth . I don 't think it was the Club Fiesta for very long . That was prior to the Wildcat Den . MR . COPELAND : I do - Shep Lauter . What a great guy he was . Here 's one man keeping everything under control - a whole bunch of sometimes - kind - of - wild high school kids . Shep was a mild , meek guy who wore a hat most of the time because he was bald . He was a very mild , meek guy . You got some football guy or some guy who thought he was tough who started a little controversy , and I remember this distinctly - Shep would just walk up to the guy , put his hand on his shoulder , and say very softly , " Now Son , we can 't have that here , and if you can 't do better I 'm going to send you home and won 't allow you to come back for a while . " He could tame the wild guy , not even raising his voice - just patting him on the shoulder . He was a great guy . Everybody loved him . MR . COPELAND : Some of it had been pretty well taken care of . At about the time we got here - Oak Ridge started about October 1942 , and within a year or so to time , they had made remarkable progress . There was still mud . We had sidewalks at the time I got here . It was not that big of a problem - not like it was a year before we got here . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did your family have a radio ? MR . COPELAND : Yeah , all the time . You didn 't have any other kind of entertainment . Of course I like to listen to the Lone Ranger and The Shadow and the scary program called Inner Sanctum . We listened to all those programs . It was just like watching TV , except you had no video . MR . HUNNICUTT : I never will forget that name . How about playgrounds at the school ? In your younger years , did you attend any playground or activities at the schools ? MR . COPELAND : Not very much . A lot of times we did live close enough to the school to do that . We always had to walk , and I didn 't have a bicycle until I was probably 16 . There wasn 't a lot of playground activity . MR . COPELAND : I don 't remember a lot of it . I remember why I wasn 't there . We lived on the west end of town that time on West Bryn Mawr . West Bryn Mawr is a whole lot of way from Elza Gate . I 'm guessing it must be 5 to 6 miles or longer . I wanted to go . Why did I want to go ? Cowboy movie star Rod Cameron was here . These other people - I didn 't care beans about seeing these other people . I did know who they were . I wanted to go see Rod Cameron . Unfortunately there was a bus strike on . Because of the bus strike , I never got see Rod Cameron . MR . HUNNICUTT : After high school - let me back up a minute . Did you ever go in and out of the gate before the gates were open ? MR . COPELAND : Very seldom . Again , we didn 't have a car . We would only go out when we went with somebody going somewhere . We didn 't have a car . It wasn 't often that we went out the gate . I would like to relate a story to you . My father was a bootlegger , you might say . Even though we lived in Oak Ridge , of course you know Oak Ridge was dry . He didn 't make whiskey , but he sold whiskey . He had an acquaintance that would go outside of Oak Ridge . This acquaintance had a large garden , and he had a car with the trailer . He would go outside of Oak Ridge to get the chicken manure from somebody 's farm to bring into fertilize his garden . The trailer he had had a false bottom . He would go out to the bootleggers and get the bottles of whiskey . He would put those bottles of whiskey in the false bottom . Then he would cover that whole trailer to the top with chicken manure . When he got to the gates , the guards did not want to get any closer to that chicken manure than I had to . So all that time that guy was transporting whiskey inside the city , he never got caught , and never got suspicion at all . He would bring it in , and he would sell it . He had my father and somebody else who would deal it out for him . MR . COPELAND : At the Jefferson Shopping Center , I remember they had a grocery store . My favorite spot was a drugstore because they had a great variety of comic books . I would always go in there looking for comic books . Most of the time , I was looking for Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Hop - along Cassidy comic books . I don 't know how often they came out , but anytime I went to the Jefferson Theater , I would also stop right down from the Jefferson Theater and stop at the drugstore to see if I could find a new cowboy comic book . MR . COPELAND : They surely did . All the kids tried to get there early if they could . The Little Atoms Club - it gave an opportunity for the kids to show off . The kids were the program . Playing an accordion , I remember back in those days it seemed like every kid took accordion lessons . I couldn 't stand the accordion , but it seemed like every kid would go out there and play the accordion . Sometimes they played it pretty well , and sometimes they would not play pretty well . Then they had the people that played the guitars , and what people would think they could do the dancer thing . But anyway , that was entertainment . It was neat . It was something to do . Back in those days , there wasn 't a whole lot to do , so that was something that the kids looked forward to - the Little Atoms Club . MR . COPELAND : Peanuts in the bag were a nickel , but often you would use one of the peanut machines that were close by . People don 't believe it today . We had penny machines back in those days where you could buy peanuts , bubblegum , and candy . Nobody could envision anyone having a penny machine . A penny 's worth of peanuts would be plenty good . Put it in the Coke and boy it tasted good . It was the salt and the sugar - the salt and the sugar and the peanuts in the Coke , really made it good . If you really wanted some excitement , back in those days you could buy Kool - Aid back in a penny pack . You put one of those packs of peanuts or Kool - Aid in one of those Cokes , and you better have it close to your mouth because are going to get it all over . It would explode , but you would think it would explode the can . You would put it up to your mouth and it would blow your jaws up . You could get it down . It was good . It was unusual . MR . HUNNICUTT : There was another form of entertainment that used to come to Oak Ridge over the years - carnivals . What you remember about carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : I remember that gambling wasn 't legalized , but that was gambling because everything was taking a chance . Of course they had this pitch man , and the pitch man would deliver a speech . It would seem like it was so desirable that you couldn 't turn it down . The one I remember more than anything else was on the west end of town . There was a field right near the Turnpike . It 's not too far from the minimart down there right now . Anyway , they had this guy in a cage , and they called him a chicken eater . I 'm a chicken eater , too , but not a chicken eater like this . They would give this guy a chicken - all whole chicken , a whole live chicken . That guy would take his mouth and pull the feathers off . Then he would take apart the chicken . Of course it was a big deal to the guys , but the girls couldn 't stand it . They would be gagging and leaving . That was the big attraction - the chicken eater . He killed a chicken and ate part of the breast and so forth while it was raw . That 's what carnivals were . Things were unusual and ridiculous , but I remember another thing that was a carpenter . And this carpenter worked at the plant . And this carpenter was proud of the way he could drive nails . He could drive nails all day and never bend one . They had this place - this carny guy had this place where he had a piece of wood , and if you drove that nail through that piece of wood without bending it , then you would win a prize . This carpenter kept trying to do that , and he couldn 't do it because the nail would bend every time . I 'm sure that the carny had a good sturdy regular run - of - the - mill nail , and I 'm sure every time he would go to this carpenter to give him a nail , it was a fixed , rigged soft spot in the nail . The carpenter never could drive this nail . He spent every penny he had , and the carpenter had his paycheck with him . He stood right there trying toMR . HUNNICUTT : Do you remember how much it cost to get in the carnivals ? MR . COPELAND : Some of them had rides , and some of them just had games . This particular one I 'm talking about - I don 't remember any rides at all . They just had games where you try to throw coins in a dish or you throw a baseball at something and win a teddy bear or that type of thing . All it is just a way to gyp the public . I guess they had some fun losing their money , but it 's not totally unlike these gambling places now . You know you 're not going to win , but they entice you to do it . MR . HUNNICUTT : I 'm going to mention some places throughout the city that were here in the early days . Tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom … MR . COPELAND : The Oak Terrace Ballroom - I never went to a dance there . I worked out at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory . Every year they had a big dance there , where they chose , the Oak Ridge National Laboratory and so forth . But that was the place - any big function that you had in town - it was the Oak Terrace Ballroom . It was the only ballroom in town . Below that ballroom of course was a bowling alley , a poolroom , a restaurant . I spent a lot of time when I got to be older in the poolroom . I used to bowl a little bit there . Roscoe Stevens owned the place . The restaurant was quite good . I remember every Thursday they had tenderloin and sweet potatoes and gravy and biscuits and honey . A lot of people went there on Thursday to get that stuff . MR . COPELAND : Gee whiz . That was the hangout back in those days . That was the only fast food place allowed . We didn 't have all these fast foods . That 's why you couldn 't make any money back in those days . Today you can make money easy . A kid today can make $ 500 easier then you could make $ . 25 back in those days because there are so many opportunities for you to go to work someplace . Snow White was one place where some of the kids in high school worked . My cousin worked there quite some time . He would make really good money . He might make five dollars a night , which was incredible back in those days . They paid $ . 35 an hour . You got tips . A dime was a pretty good - sized tip . A quarter was a really good tip back in those days . Everyone hung out at the drive - in . If you had a car , you would cruise around and around the place to see who you could see . We didn 't have a car , but I would get with a buddy . We would circle the place and circle the place . Snow White didn 't like that because they wanted you to land and buy something . In many cases , you had to keep driving around because all the parking places were full - consistently they were full . MR . COPELAND : An outdoor drive - in theater . You would go to one of those movies . When it was over , you might remember the name of the movie . You might not remember the name of the movie . But anyway , it was a good place to go park and cuddle up and that type of thing . It was the place to go . It was so much fun . Many times they would have dollar night . Everybody would get in for a dollar . Sometimes it would be different prices . If they charged a single admission , you would always pay it and some guys in the trunk of the car try to get in . It got so after a while - if you look like that kind of guy , they would say " Let me look in your trunk . " Many times they would open the trunk , and there would be a whole bunch of guys in the trunk . They would lie on the floor board and things like this to try to slip in . It was a great place . We had a terrific time , and I probably can 't count the number of times that people drove off with a speaker hanging on their window . I don 't think the window broke , but it would snap the speaker off the thing . It was fun . MR . COPELAND : I do . I won a lawn chair one night . They played bingo on Tuesday nights , and I won a lawn chair and a couple other things playing bingo . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , you would sit in your car , and you would hear the people call it out , just like you see the movie . The movie sound came in in your little car in the little speaker . They would be in the building there where they sold concessions and that type of thing . They would call out the numbers . When you win , you would - toot , toot , toot - blow your horn real fast . Try to be the first one . Then you would hustle back there . If someone did it at the same time , you would hustle back there so you would beat them . It was interesting . As you guessed , Tuesdays were slow night for restaurants or any place . That helped their business out in the middle the week . You would get people coming up on the Tuesday so they could play bingo . MR . COPELAND : I graduated from Oak Ridge in 1953 . Back to the same old thing , we never had any money . After I was out of school , the second semester I went to Carson - Newman . Then the next year I saved money and went for a full year . Then the next year , I didn 't have any money , so I had to work for a semester . I went back the second semester . Finally I got to the point where I would have to go back the second semester again , and I had the courses . There was nothing else I could take . I would have to work another year . Of course having no encouragement from home , I got discouraged and did not finish . MR . HUNNICUTT : Let me back up a minute . I know that you were on the high school track team that won the state championship . Is that correct ? Tell me about that . MR . COPELAND : That 's correct . Unfortunately for me , it was near the second or third week of track . In the long jump , I tore my ACL . Even though I was on the team - the championship team - I did not get to participate in the state championship because of that injury . I was injured most of the season . MR . COPELAND : My junior year - I failed to qualify for the state , just barely failed to qualify . That year it was held at Oak Ridge . That was the first school year with a new high school with her current high school . It was 1952 , and that was the first school year for the current high school - the 1951 - 52 year . Somehow - I don 't know how Ben Martin pulled it off , but he talked them into having the state track meet here . The track hadn 't been finished very long , and I 'm not sure they knew if that track was going to be ready . That was a major accomplishment for Ben Martin to pull off - to have the track meet here . My senior year it was held in Memphis . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , it was cinders . A lot of people don 't know about cinders today because they 're paved with Tartan tour or whatever they paved them with . It 's really nice now . Back in those days , it was cinders . Of course any of the events held back in those days wouldn 't come close to the event today . You might run 10 . 1 . Today they might run it in 9 . 5 because of the track conditions are so much better . One thing I remember more than anything else is the hurdle events . If you 've seen the hurdle , so many times those guys that are hurdlers and they fall . I 'm sure that after 50 years , some little guy still has those cylinders or cinders in their legs because they would get all bloody and he picked those things out . Some get so deep , you just leave them in there I think . That was a problem with the cinder . Of course in bad weather , it was just terrible - sloppy . MR . COPELAND : The track shoe - it had long spikes on it back in those days . They don 't need them today . You need of those long spikes to dig into the cinders to make sure you had good traction . But we , I 'll tell you if you happen be running the relay when this happened , you would be running a relay and you get too close to some guy , and he would jab those - accidentally of course - jab those spikes in you . You were injured pretty well . It hurt . They were long . MR . COPELAND : I worked at the Grove Theater . It was the best job I ever had . They didn 't make any money though . I loved it . MR . COPELAND : Whatever - doorman , usher , popcorn maker . You are expected to do everything . I changed the marquee . That was no fun . You changed the marquee in the pouring down rain or ice cold , but you had to change it anyway . Of course you change it - the movie would change on Thursday , and it changed on Wednesday night . You changed it after the movie was over . It would be pretty late at night , and you 'd be up there changing that marquee by yourself . I guess if you fell , you would just lie there and die until somebody found you . MR . HUNNICUTT : How did the letters attach to the marquee ? MR . COPELAND : They were big letters , and you had a string - like a wire or rod that went across the sign . You would just hang the letters on the signs . MR . HUNNICUTT : Someone was telling me some time back that they did that , and they misspelled the word on the marquee . The lady that ran the theater told him about it , and he got there and misspelled it again . It took him three times before he ever got it right . MR . COPELAND : When you 're up on that ladder , you think you have everything looking right . When you get down from the ladder , you think that there 's too much space . I need to do that again . What happened with a lot of - two or three times I know - it would get the " N " turned backwards . You would have to get down and look up there and climb back up again and turn that " N " around . MR . HUNNICUTT : You came back to Oak Ridge . Where were you living after Carson - Newman ? MR . COPELAND : Most of the time we lived in Oak Ridge . We had to move out of Oak Ridge when they tore those flattops down on Illinois Avenue . My parents moved to Clinton , but I never did live much in Clinton . I was going to school at the time , and then after that I got married . When we got married , we lived in a twin dwelling unit down on Lawton Road . I never really lived in Clinton . I was there a little while , I guess . Last time I counted , I think I lived at 13 different places in Oak Ridge . What makes that so strange is that in one place I lived 32 years in one house . Still , all this time I lived in 13 places in Oak Ridge . MR . COPELAND : We were married in Georgia . It was very common back in those days to run off to Georgia to get married . We were married in Georgia . We eloped . MR . COPELAND : I believe it was a one bedroom on one end , and maybe three on the other end . We lived in the one bedroom . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you have a job and a car ? MR . COPELAND : The oldest boy is Mickey . He is a Methodist minister . The youngest 's name is Lance , and he is an accountant in Knoxville . MR . COPELAND : I worked at National Shirt Shop . Then I went to work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in the mailroom . That 's the lowest job they had in the mailroom . That was a prime job back in those days . Jobs were so scarce that it was - I felt like I had gone to heaven . That was such a great job . I worked there a year , and after year I went out and did clerical work . I did mostly clerical work . Later on I was - mostly I would describe my job as purchasing . That would be the best description . MR . COPELAND : I had put an application in . The job had played out at National Shirt Shop . I was trying to get a job at X - 10 or either one of the plants . National Shirt Shop - they called me back . I didn 't want to work for them , but I would have worked for anybody at that time to make some money . I didn 't want to work for them , and they had been talking to X - 10 . Things weren 't going - I kept waiting on them to make a decision . So when National Shirt Shop called me one day , the manager said " The district manager 's going to be in town . He wants to talk to you about coming back to work . " When that happened , I got on the phone and called back out to Personnel and said " Hey , I have a job offer . Are you guys interested in hiring me or not ? " The guy says " Can you come to work tomorrow ? " I said " I certainly can . " MR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's go back a little bit . How was the city when the Downtown Shopping Center was booming ? How do you remember the city ? Was it prospering ? How do you remember the city in those days ? MR . COPELAND : I think things were going great until about 1961 or so when they had a monstrous layoff at K - 25 . It seems like things were going pretty well at the time . When they had that big layoff at K - 25 , it wasn 't long before all these East Village houses came for sale . It was pretty rough for quite some time . When Downtown was first built , it seemed like things were going very , very well . MR . COPELAND : Certainly , it was a shame to lose that tree . It was a great big oak tree and lots of leaves . There were always some kids out there - high school kids - lingering around that tree , lying down in the grass in the summer time , maybe studying a little bit and so forth . I guess it got diseased and had to be removed . It was a beautiful tree . MR . HUNNICUTT : The story goes that when they were building the high school , they wanted to cut that oak tree down because of the water lines or something of that nature . There was a protest against it . They wanted to leave it for the students to sit under like you describe . That 's why the oak tree was saved . But when they built the new addition to the high school , there was no way to save it . MR . COPELAND : I didn 't know when it was cut down , but the school was a nice backdrop behind that tree . It was such a pretty tree . There was another one down on the Roane County and Anderson County line . There used to be some political rallies and things like that - local political rallies and so forth . They had a big tree down there . I think probably they had the meeting there because they had that big tree . There was no air - conditioning or anything . I think that 's one of the reasons they had the meeting there . MR . COPELAND : I was always interested in cowboys as a youngster . I didn 't have a good role model at home , so the cowboys were my role model . I didn 't want to be like my father . I wanted to be like one of the cowboys because they did everything that was morally right . It was just wonderful . I hope I patterned my life after the cowboys . My interest in cowboys laid dormant for about 35 years until one Saturday I turned on the local PBS station to a guy that was Marshall Andy - Riders of the Silver Screen . He was showing a cowboy movie . That 's just brought my interest back just like that . I got really interested . I contacted Marshall Andy . Since that time , I 've been on the show about 50 times . One thing led to another , and I was writing little articles . About 1986 or 1996 , I was approached by a publisher - the largest publisher in the world of movie cowboy books . They said " What you do , I think you could do a good book . " I thought " Me do a book ? " I just tried to ease through high school and I had very little English or anything else or Math or anything else just trying to get through . He approached me about this , and I thought I couldn 't do it . The more I thought about it , what can I lose , I can try it . So I wrote my first book . It was published in 1996 . The guy said , " You got another book in you ? " I said , " I don 't know , maybe . I 'll think of something . " So I did another one , and he kept coming back - " You got another book ? You think you can do another one ? We 're having good success here . " I said " Okay , I 'll see what 's going on . " To make a long story short , I 've written 22 movie books . I 'll say this as modestly as I know how : I 'm the number one author in the world of movie cowboy books . MR . COPELAND : B stands for the budget . It 's low budget . These were the Saturday what they called programmers . They were about an hour long - read at an hour long . They were primarily designed for juveniles , and you would go to the movie and have the cowboy movie and a cartoon and then a serial , ( which is a short continued each month or each week , for about 12 to 15 weeks ) . That 's what a serial was and it was primarily for the youngsters . The theater was pretty much crowded on Saturday . But the thing about it is , people look down on these things now , but they made such an impression . A lot of people got their moral training from these movies . They taught you what was right from wrong . They taught you the golden rule . I got all my upbringing - I 'm not perfect , but I 'd be far less perfect if it hadn 't been for these B - Western movies . MR . COPELAND : Yes , my first wife died in 1975 . I met this lady where I worked , and remarkably she had a similar summer job in a different division . We had a lot of things in common . One thing led to another , and we started dating . We married in 1976 . We 've been very , very happy . She is a precious lady . To me , she 's the best lady in the world . I 'm sure many people think that about their wives , but I think mine is the greatest . MR . COPELAND : We did not have any children . Both my children are from my first wife . Joan is just like the mother to my youngest child because we got married when he was six . Really , she is about the only - with all the hospitalizations and so forth with my first wife , Joan is the only mother really that he knows . He loves her dearly , and my oldest son respects her greatly . MR . COPELAND : We do not . We are active in church - the Central Baptist Church here in Oak Ridge . I 've served as a deacon . One son is a deacon , and the other son is a minister . MR . HUNNICUTT : One thing that comes to mind that I 've been told - maybe you did this and didn 't . During the days of the wooden boardwalks - of course , there were spaces between the boards . People would wait in certain places to catch buses . I 've heard about guys taking a stick , putting bubblegum on the end of the stick and sticking it down through the cracks to get the money or change that was dropped . Did you ever do that ? MR . COPELAND : I never did that . I have heard of people doing that . Of course if you drop the change down there , that 's the only way to get it . Some of them have pretty good openings , where if you get a small stick of bubblegum down there , you might have a rat grab the stick . Those things were huge . I can 't impress on you how big those things were . MR . COPELAND : We are totally dependent on the government for the biggest thing . We aren 't getting enough money from them , like Alcoa . The city of Alcoa gets from Alcoa . The motor companies used to pour into the cities . The average person outside of Oak Ridge thinks we are getting all kinds of money from the government . If this was not the government , if these were individual businesses - if these plants were individual businesses , we would get far more revenue in taxes and so forth than we are getting from the federal government . That 's been one thing . Where there used to be lots of - it seemed like back in the old days you didn 't have to have a lot of things to do to entertain the youngsters . I don 't think we have that today . I don 't know of the youngsters participating because we have so many video games and computers and so forth . But the town has gotten old . You drive down the street and all you see is gray - haired people . When I was growing up , it was a very young town . The average age was probably 35 or less . You could always find kids to play with . They were all over the place . Now that 's not the case . Everybody here is grandparents now . The town has gotten old . I don 't know if we will ever come back . I 'm afraid it won 't . MR . COPELAND : I like it because it 's not crime - free , but it 's not like some places you go to . It 's a small city . It 's not like New York or even Charlotte or Chattanooga or Knoxville . You are free to move around , and you feel relatively safe here . Unfortunately , the shopping has deteriorated to the point that new people have to leave town now to buy things . That 's a real negative thing . The school system is still good . It 's rated among the best . We have a marvelous high school . I don 't think we have much else that we can showcase to lure people to the city . MR . COPELAND : That 's kind of a sore spot with me - the Secret City . We were the Atomic City for years and years . Oak Ridge would have clubs , and every club in here was the Atomic City Beagle Club , Stamp Club , Atomic Coin Club . You name it . Now it seems like atomic has a bad taste to it to most people . What gets me is that our city has given into this , and we have become not the Atomic City anymore . We are the Secret City . I don 't like it . I really don 't like it . I know we were the secret city in the beginning , but I don 't think we were ever known as a secret city - even though we had secret things going on here . I don 't think we were really ever known as a secret city . This is caught on big in the last few years . Now we have a car dealership and everything you can think of . It 's Secret City . They don 't want the Atomic City tied to the place anymore . That 's unfortunate . MR . COPELAND : Yeah , is there anything greater than that ? During my lifetime , we dropped the atomic bomb . That was a big thing . That put Oak Ridge on the map . Like I said before , that 's what we were known for . Now it 's as if we are ashamed that we did this . Going to the moon was one of the biggest things . By the way , there are people who don 't believe we went to the moon . My mother was always one of them . She said " I will never believe that we went to the moon . " I thought that was pretty funny , but I think we did . MR . HUNNICUTT : Bob , it 's been my pleasure to interview you . I thank you for your time . This is your recount of growing up in Oak Ridge . It 's a history that will be part of Oak Ridge history . Maybe one day some young student will be doing a research paper on Oak Ridge history , and pull up your interview and take from your interview some of the things that you said and how you described living in Oak Ridge and put it in their paper . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mr . Copeland 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report : |
The snow had settled on the ground for good , and Christmas was only a few days away . I checked on everything almost obsessively , knowing we were bound closely to the house until spring . Every time I looked east , my chest ached , feeling I wasn 't honoring the promise I 'd made to Emmett . I had slipped onto their land several times to observe from a distance , and all appeared to be well . It wasn 't much , but given Bella 's rigid refusal , it was all I could do . Now , they would be on their own until the snow melted . I stepped out into the whipping wind , and tried to screen my eyes from the blowing snow so I could see . It was hopeless , the swirling snow reduced visibility to only a few feet . But while I was focused on looking , I heard the voice again , a little closer , off to my left , moving past me . I quickly grabbed a rope and tied one end around my waist and the other to the barn door . " Thomas ! I 'm going to come and get you . I have to follow your voice . Keep shouting ! " I started out into the raging wind . " I 'll be back , Baby . Don 't worry . See , I 've tied a rope around my waist . Your cousin Thomas is out there and I have to go get him . Stoke the fire , so we can warm ourselves when we get back . Do it . Now . " She knew that tone of voice brooked no argument and disappeared inside unhappily . I turned into the wind again . Thomas and I shouted back and forth , and I moved closer to him in the blinding whiteness . It seemed to take forever , but I 'm sure it was only a few minutes before I saw a dark shape looming in front of me . I put my arm around his waist and half carried him , reeling us in with the rope around my waist . He was exhausted and shivering violently . I knew he 'd been outside , exposed to the bitter cold , too long . " Save your energy , Thomas , until you 're warmer . It 'll keep . " I joined him in front of the blazing fire and Mattie draped me in the only blanket left , then handed me a cup of coffee . I stroked her hair in thanks , and she crawled into my lap . She was really too big for such a thing , but I indulged her , knowing she was frightened and upset . He looked into his cup . " It 's Ma . She 's bad off . She wouldn 't let me come , but I didn 't know what else to do . I 'm sorry , Uncle Edward . I 'd have come a long time ago - I know you needed my help on the farm - but she forbade me , and I couldn 't disobey her . . . . " His words came out in a rush and his lips trembled . " Yessir , she took sick a few days ago . I tried to take care of her , but she kept saying she was fine , that I had enough to do without having to nurse her . She could hardly get out of bed yesterday morning , and today , she wouldn 't wake up . I didn 't know what to do . I panicked , and came to get you . When I started out before light , it wasn 't so bad . But the snow got deeper and I left my snow shoes at home , and I floundered a bit . Just as I could see the smoke from your chimney , the wind came up . I knew I was close , so I tried to keep moving in the same direction and I started hollering , hoping you 'd hear me . " A violent shiver ran through him just then , and I didn 't think it was entirely from the cold . We spoke a bit more about his mother and the symptoms of her illness . It was the grippe for sure , and Thomas was clearly out of his mind with worry about her . I sighed and shook my head . She 's so stubborn ; she 'd rather die than admit to weakness . She won 't even let her own son take care of her when she 's sick . How thoughtless . I never did see what Emmett saw in her . " Well , I won 't leave my house and my livestock to tend to her , and I won 't send Mattie alone . The only option is for her to come here . That 's it . That 's all there is to it , " I stated flatly . By the time the wind died down , Thomas and I were warm and dry , Mattie had fed us all a hearty lunch , and Thomas and I had discussed options for bringing Bella back here . There was no way to take a wagon , the snow was too deep , and we couldn 't carry or drag her ourselves , it was too far . I had seen some Indians on one of my hunting excursions in the summer using a sort of sledge behind their horses that dragged on the ground and carried large bundles . I made a crude drawing for Thomas , and we agreed it was our best bet . Thomas and I went down to the riverbank to hunt for two trees that might serve as poles for our sledge . Mattie didn 't like to go down to the river , so she stayed on the crest of the wash watching us . Luckily , we found two trees of roughly equal size almost right away , quickly felled them and stripped them of their branches . Mattie carefully joined us then to help carry the branches back to the house . I 'd shown her by example that we couldn 't afford to let anything go to waste , and she knew that wood was a valuable resource . After we harnessed up the horses , I started lashing the poles in place while Thomas scrounged up a smallish piece of canvas and a couple of saddle blankets to tie between our makeshift poles . It didn 't look like much , but it held together when Mattie climbed on to try it out . I bundled her up in every blanket we had before setting off for Emmett 's . The snow was deep , so Thomas and I walked ahead of the horses , breaking the trail . It was exhausting , slow work and it was past dark by the time we reached their soddy . As Thomas tended the horses , I went in and checked on Bella . She was still alive , though unconscious , and it appeared she had tried to get up at some point during the day . The fire was out and it was bitterly cold inside their dwelling . Mattie quickly laid and sparked a fire , then rooted around in their stores for food . We all needed a hot drink and something to eat after the long , cold excursion . I went back out to the barn to help Thomas . Old Jack and Bill had worked hard that day , and I wanted to be sure their feet and legs were okay - no ice packed into their hooves - and give them an extra pat for their effort . Thomas had tended to them carefully and well . He was good with animals , something I hadn 't noticed before . " It looks like Ma tried to get up , " Thomas said from beside the bed . He held his mother 's hand in his and stroked her forehead lovingly . " I can 't tell if she 's cooler or not though . " He frowned . " Come get a cup of coffee , Thomas . Warm yourself by the fire . If your hands are like mine , they 're so cold , I 'm surprised you can feel anything . " I smiled warmly at him . Of all Emmett and Bella 's children , he was the one I knew least , lost in the middle of a big family . After we ate , Mattie dipped a small cup of broth out of the cooking pot . She hesitated before going over to Bella 's still form in the bed and looked up at me , her eyes wide . She was afraid of Bella , I knew . I sighed and took the cup from my daughter 's hand . Thomas seemed relieved when I didn 't hand it to him , but took it myself to the bedside . " Bella ? Bella , you need to drink this . Come now , just a few sips . " I propped her up with one hand and held the cup to her lips with the other . When the warm liquid touched her lips , she parted them slightly and allowed me to tip some inside her mouth . In this way , she drank about half the cup without speaking or opening her eyes . She was very weak and lost inside the fever . I laid her back down , and drew the blanket up to her chin before drawing the curtain partway for her privacy . Thomas , Mattie , and I sat in front of the fire and discussed our options . I wanted to be sure to include Mattie as what was happening - the changes to our households affected everyone . Either way we looked at it , the two households would have to be merged , at least for the time being . I refused to abandon my land and I wasn 't sure I wanted to continue the claim on Emmett 's . When we filed our homestead claims , we ceded title to each other in case of death or abandonment because women weren 't allowed to own property on their own . Of course , we didn 't want to burden our wives with such business , so Bella had no idea she was living on what was now my land . I would not live under her or any woman 's shrewish thumb . Alice and I worked together as a team to run our land and home , but I only knew Bella as an adversary . Living in what she deemed to be her house on her property was out of the question . It didn 't matter that she had no real rights of any kind , I knew how Emmett had indulged her and let her rule his roost . I would never abide that myself , and I refused to subject Mattie to her tyranny . I knew it would be hard enough for Bella to have to heed my rules . It was really very simple : we would have to move Bella , Thomas , and their livestock to my farm . I turned to Mattie , but before I could ask , she spoke . Thomas made a weak attempt to argue that he would be fine on his own , but I could see the relief in his eyes when I first told him what I 'd decided . I could see he was trying his best to be the man of the house , but that the burden was very heavy and wearing him down . Moving Bella was definitely a risk as the grippe had a strong hold on her , but I knew I had to do it before she woke , or she 'd refuse and we 'd all be back to where we started , and I couldn 't have that , either . The proverbial rock and hard place . I had to choose the best for the whole family , not just one member , but I wasn 't happy about it and I knew there would be hellfire when Bella woke . If she woke . The next morning , at first light , we finalized our preparations to leave Emmett 's homestead for mine . Thomas and I foraged again for saplings to made a second sledge to hitch to his team . We 'd decided to make several trips back and forth before trying to move Bella . If I was going to house them and their livestock for even a short duration , supplies would have to be brought as well . And , the more we traveled back and forth , the path would become beaten down , hopefully providing easier passage for our human cargo . On our last trip , we brought Bella and Mattie . We had been extremely lucky , it had been a fair day with little wind , for which I was grateful . I dragged Samuel 's old cot closer to the hearth and Mattie took care of settling Bella into bed so Thomas and I could look after the animals . It took all our efforts to get everyone settled in and the livestock bedded down for the night before dark . Bella 's condition remained unchanged for days . We all took turns keeping the fire going all hours . She refused any and all food offered by Thomas or Mattie , but she would part her lips and swallow for me . Thomas and I spent the next several days making endless trips between the two houses , bringing wood , feed , and food from their farm to mine . We enlarged my barn by packing the snow into high walls , having nothing else to build with . Improvising , we used the wagon ribs and small trees to fashion a frame over which we stretched the canvas wagon covers to make a roof . Suddenly , it was Christmas morning . In all the fuss , I 'd forgotten , but the children hadn 't . Mattie cooked all day , preparing a special feast , and I rooted out the long - forgotten package from town , bought all those months ago so my children and my wife would have something today . I sat on my bed with the curtain drawn for privacy . I opened the paper parcel slowly , and let my fingers drift over the contents . A pretty shawl for Alice , a woolly scarf for Samuel , hair ribbons for the girls , a book or two , a small soft blanket for the baby , and a small bag of penny candy . I wasn 't aware I was crying until a tear splashed against the brown paper . I let the sorrow wash over me for a minute , let myself feel my own sadness and grief at all I 'd lost before I dried my tears and went to celebrate what I had left . Thomas could use a new scarf . His is tattered and full of holes . Mattie would be rich in hair ribbons now , not that she ever wears them anymore . Maybe I should hold onto those until her birthday in the spring . . . " No , sweetheart . I 'm fine . Don 't worry . I 'll be out in just a minute . I bet supper is just about ready isn 't it ? " I pulled a few things from the parcel , and tied the rest back into the brown paper before putting it back on the shelf over the bed . When I went back into the main room , Thomas was still outside , and Mattie was bent over the fire , so I quickly slipped the presents next to their plates on the table . Although Bella slept through Christmas , we did our best to include her in the festivities as we sang , danced , and played games around the table after dinner . It was just before New Year 's when Bella finally woke up . I had to hand it to her , she was a fighter , having lingered in a fevered delirium for over a week . The past couple of days , she 'd been a little stronger , willing to take some gruel from me , and as I spooned a little bit into her mouth , she suddenly groaned . " He 's not here , Bella . " She weakly tried to rise , and couldn 't even lift her head . " Please eat a little more gruel . You 've been sick for a long time and you 're very weak . " " Shush now and eat . Rest . It will all make sense later , I promise . " She was too weak to argue with me for once , and simply ate several more spoonfuls of gruel before drifting back to sleep . As I laid her back on the pillows , Thomas burst through the door with Mattie close at his heels . He quickly took my place at her bedside . She tried to open her eyes again , but she was too tired . Thomas took her hand and placed it on his cheek . " Ma , oh , Ma ! " The tears began to overflow , and she managed a " shhhhh " before she slipped into unconsciousness . " Quiet , son , she 's just sleeping now . It 's all right . Her fever seems to have broken in the night . She 's not out of the woods just yet , but it 's a good sign . " I rested my hand on his shoulder and squeezed slightly . He just nodded and sniffed , wiping his nose and eyes on his sleeve , and I could suddenly see the little boy he 'd been . " You stay here and keep your mother company . I 'll take care of the livestock this morning . Don 't you worry . " I caught Mattie 's eyes and spoke to her with mine . We both silently bundled up and went outside to give Thomas some privacy with his mother . Mattie and I stayed outside for the rest of the morning . Once the animals had all been fed and watered , and their stalls mucked out , Mattie and I made snow people in the side yard . She " accidentally " shoved a handful of snow into my face and I pretended to be angry and chased her around as she squealed . Thomas came out to see what all the fuss was about , and a rowdy two - against - one snowball fight rapidly ensued . They pelted me with so many , I didn 't stand a chance and called uncle once I was completely covered , trying to make the fun last . They turned on each other then and Mattie led him on a merry chase . I knocked as much snow off of me as I could and entered the house still chuckling . I stripped off my outer garments , ready to warm myself and dry my damp clothes by the fire . When I turned around , Bella was awake and watching me . I swallowed down my anger . " What 's going on is my attempt to keep you alive . You are here so we can take care of you while you 're ill . I refuse to take you home until you 've recovered . " " No , you 're not . But you are my brother 's wife , and I am duty - bound by a promise I made to him to take care of you . To protect you and your children as my own . " The door slammed open , cutting me off . " Ma , Ma ! You 're awake ! " Thomas made for the bed , still bundled up and covered in snow . " Thomas ! You naughty boy , you 're getting snow all over the floor and this bed ! " she reprimanded him , but I could hear her heart wasn 't really in it . There was a softness in her voice I 'd never heard before , tenderness for her son . " Well , let 's eat then . All that playing in the snow has made me hungry ! " I tweaked her side and winked at her . It had been so long since I 'd heard her laugh and squeal like the child she was . I hated to see that end so quickly because of our houseguest . Thomas helped Bella eat some gruel mixed with stock from the stew Mattie had made . She wouldn 't let him feed her , but he helped her raise her hand to her mouth as she clutched the spoon . Her strength and stubbornness constantly surprised me . Mattie and I sat at the table and ate in silence as usual . I tried unsuccessfully to make some small talk , but that was something I 'd never been particularly good at . Before light the next morning , I heard whispering in the main room . I shifted silently closer to the curtain and listened carefully . Bella was trying to convince Thomas to leave and return to their farm . Thomas didn 't want to go , but he couldn 't disobey his mother either . I ended the matter by rising and entering the main room , effectively cutting her off . Thomas made his escape to the barn . To say I was angry was an understatement . I was livid . This stubborn woman was willing to jeopardize everything I 'd worked so hard to take care of and protect for nothing but foolish pride and willfulness . I 'd never met anyone so selfish and self - centered in all my life . " Oh , woman . I have every right to do with you as I see fit . Until now , I have respected your wishes over the wishes of my brother , and what I believe is right for all of us . That stops right here . Right now . I will not allow you to jeopardize your health , and the health of everyone in this house because of your foolish pride ! " I was shouting now . I never shouted . I never had to . " Pride ? Pride ? I can 't believe you have the gall to call me prideful when you 're the one making decisions for everyone else ! I refuse to stay here and listen to this another minute ! " And with that , she threw back the bedding and made to rise . She was too weak and wobbled , her knees starting to give out before she made it to the door . " Thomas . We 're leaving . Right now . Help me . " She reached for him , but before she could touch him , I bent forward , grasped her waist , and threw her over my shoulder . I turned and bypassed the cot by the hearth , carrying her to my bed in the corner . I threw her down on the corn husk mattress none too gently . Her eyes blazed into mine with defiance and surprising strength . She moved as if to rise again , and I held her down by her shoulder . " Don 't you dare , Thomas . " She turned to me and slapped me across my face . " How dareyou ! Trying to turn my son against me . " " Mattie , take the rope from Thomas . " My voice was deadly calm now , my eyes never leaving Bella 's . " Do it now . . . Do you have it ? " She hummed in response . " Come here and hand it to me . " I held out the hand furthest away from Bella and the bed . " Thank you , baby girl , " I said gently when I felt the rope in my palm . The minute I began tying one end of the rope around Bella 's wrist , she began to struggle in earnest , flailing against my body with unexpected strength given her recent weakened state . In frustration , I finally climbed onto the bed and pinned her down by straddling her torso . I made quick work of tying her arm to the bed , making sure the rope was not in contact with her skin or too tight . As I went to climb off her , I looked in her face , and she spit into mine . " There , I think that settles the issue for now . You will remain tied here until you learn some manners , some gratitude , and to be a gracious guest . In . My . Home . " I ground the last part out between clenched teeth . When I looked up , the children were white with fear , their eyes as big as saucers . Neither had ever seen either Bella or I behave in such a manner . I , myself , was amazed at my own behavior . I walked out of the silent house , taking my coat and hat with me . I went up to the rise and sat with Alice until nightfall . I had no idea , none at all , how I was going to handle myself or anything else when I went home . A strained silence filled the next few weeks . I released Bella from the restraint the following morning . Even she had to admit defeat when she stepped out the door to leave and couldn 't see her hand in front of her face . Blizzards raged endlessly outside , the snow piling higher than the roof . Thomas , Mattie , and I made the best of it , playing games , reading to each other , practicing ciphers , spelling , and writing when we were not mending tack or making prairie grass twists to burn . Bella refused to join in , despite Thomas ' repeated pleas . She kept to herself , sitting in the corner in Alice 's rocker , staring into the fire . We simply ignored her after a while . It was like living with a ghost . She would stir to life when Mattie would approach the fire to cook or make coffee . Bella moved automatically , almost like sleepwalking , revealing a lifetime spent cooking . I wondered if Mattie would be like that one day , and I fervently hoped not . Our sod house was small , and there was only one real bed . Bella and I were forced to share it at night . I kept the curtain open to quash any impression of impropriety . Not that I could imagine kissing or touching Bella in that way . Even if she weren 't so difficult , she 'd been my brother 's wife , and I had never thought of her as anything other than a sister . We faced away from each other in the small bed , taking care never to touch , even in sleep . We passed the rest of the winter this way . Not touching , barely speaking , simply existing in the same small space together . Mattie and I did our best to give Thomas and Bella time and privacy alone together , but Bella never showed the same courtesy in return . I was relieved that she 'd stopped fighting me , but I was worried about her listlessness as the weeks passed . It was as if the fire in her had been snuffed out that day she 'd spent tied to the bed . She slowly began to join in with the daily chores over time , but remained silent , aloof , and distant . I hadn 't been able to visit Alice and the children since that frightful day because of the deep snow . I longed for her advice , her wisdom . I knew she would know what to do because she always did , especially when I didn 't . I tried to talk to her when I was out getting wood or water a few times , but I seemed only able to feel her comfort when I was up on the rise . Late one night , after the snow began to melt , I was roused by something . I lay still , listening to see what had awakened me . There was nothing but silence . Just as I was drifting back to sleep , I heard a soft noise beside me . I waited , listening again intently . The sound repeated , and I realized Bella was crying . I rolled over carefully , and started to speak before I realized she was still asleep . She 's crying in her sleep . I lay back onto the pillows staring up at the ceiling pondering this new information . I 'd never seen Bella cry , ever . I didn 't think she was capable of it . As I approached , I saw the first wisp of smoke rising into the air down by the river and changed direction . Cresting the edge of the bank , I stopped dead in my tracks stunned by the scene below me . Bella had built a small but raging fire and was dropping something in her hands into the blaze , my rifle lying discarded nearby . Mattie was standing stock still between us . I could tell she was frozen in fear . I strode past her , touching her gently on my way . As I approached , Bella dropped more brush on the fire , continuing to stoke it and keep it blazing . " Bella ? " I spoke softly , not wanting to startle her . She didn 't immediately look up from the task before her . " Bella ? " I tried again . She turned to me and captured my eyes with her fierce beauty . Her eyes were ablaze , hair loosened from its pins and blowing around her head , cheeks flushed , lips pressed into a thin red line . " Mattie ! " she yelled sharply . " I told you to go to the house ! Go . Now . " I turned to see my daughter running for home . I turned back to Bella and realized her whole body was shaking . " A - a - a . . . A r - r - rac - c - c - oon , " she stuttered , clearly struggling to speak . " A - a - a r - rabid r - rac - c - oon in - n the dug - gout . " " I s - shot it b - before . . . " She wrapped her arms around her chest , and raised her eyes to the horizon , staring unseeingly before her . " I . . . I . . . " she swallowed hard . " I can 't lose another one , not now . " She spoke so softly , I almost didn 't hear the words . I unconsciously leaned forward in time to see a tear trickle slowly down her cheek . I raised my hand and hesitated , unsure of the correct action , and finally settled on touching her shoulder . Only after I squeezed lightly did she react by raising a hand and placing on top of mine . We stood there in silence until the fire died down , the carcass reduced to ash . Huh . She darned my socks . That was nice . I didn 't know she 'd even noticed the holes . I followed her lead and said nothing , though I gave her a shy smile when she handed me my morning coffee . Soon enough , the rest of the snow melted , and the spring rains came . Thomas and I began plowing the fields as soon as the ground was soft and dry enough . Bella and Mattie would follow behind us , hoeing the seeds into the freshly tilled soil . I started with Alice 's old garden , behind the barn , so that our food would begin to grow as we plowed and planted our crops . Thomas was clearly better with animals than he was with farming , and he and I discussed possibly using most of their land for ranching . We had to cultivate at least part of their acreage , and needed to keep making improvements to both parcels for five years to make good on our homestead claims . It was a lot of land for two men and two women to tend , but Bella and Thomas were both adamant about holding on to Emmett 's claim . I reluctantly agreed , and hoped we 'd be able to find a sharecropper or tenant farmer willing to take on some of the load . When we 'd moved west the previous spring , our families were the only two out here . We had no neighbors for miles . As the weather warmed and April became May , more families arrived , looking for their own land to claim . One day , a Mr . Banner and his young son approached me as I was plowing in the field . On my last trip to town , I 'd spread word that I was looking for a sharecropper or tenant farmer . Mr . Burns , at the general store , had sent Banner my way . He 'd lost his wife and four of his five children on the journey , and just didn 't have the heart or the strength to stake a claim . He planned to return home in the fall after the harvest came in . I had him work with me for the week , and sent his son to work with Thomas . After seven days , there was no doubt he was a good fit , willing to work hard for a fair return . He and his son settled happily in Emmett 's sod house , and they picked up tending the crops and fields . Thomas happily gave up his plow , and took part of the families ' savings to buy a few calves and two promising yearling horses . I went to visit Alice one day , and suddenly realized that a year had passed . One down , four to go , and this land would be mine free and clear . The visit was sad as always , but the thought was liberating and I entered the soddy with a whistle on my lips that night . Bella looked up with a warm smile at the sound , and I couldn 't help but smile back . Her smile really lights up her eyes . How did I not notice that before ? It was the first night we 'd slept on the land since I 'd filed the claim . The first night on what would be our land . We couldn 't stop smiling , and once the children were asleep , we couldn 't keep our hands off each other . We made love quickly and passionately rolling on the ground just out of earshot of the children for privacy . We returned to camp disheveled and giggling like children . Once we lay down by the dying campfire , sleep settled over us quickly . Later , in the dark of night , I roused slightly , cold , and reached beside me for my warm wife . I snaked my arm around her waist and drew her to me , pressing her back into my chest . " Mmmmmm . . . warm . . . . " I sighed into her hair . It was so soft and she felt so good in my arms . I vaguely heard her soft sigh as she snuggled back into my body , resting her arm on top of mine and twining our fingers together . " Mmmmmm . . . feels good , " I sleepily nuzzled the back of her neck , feeling myself harden between us . She hummed softly in response and pressed against me further . I groaned quietly , waking a little more , and moved my lips to the side of her neck , rocking my hips against her gently . She moaned a little louder ; her hand reached back and stroked my thigh . I was almost awake now , and I rolled Alice to her back , my lips seeking hers in the darkness . Her name on my lips , I pressed our bodies together and kissed her . . . . I jerked awake and pulled back from the warm body below mine . What in tarnation ! I was half asleep and confused , but it was definitely not Alice in my arms . I lurched back across the bed frantically . " Bella ! I 'm sorry ! I was . . . I was dreaming . . . . " I rubbed my hand over my face and into my hair horrified at my own behavior . I may never sleep again . Thank God she didn 't wake up in the middle of my assault . I didn 't want to think about what might have happened if she had . I lay back on the pillows finally , and remained awake the rest of the night . I did my best to keep my distance from Bella after that , but she didn 't make it easy . She 'd come to the field to bring me a cool drink of water , or tuck an extra slice of pie in the lunch basket she sent with Mattie . There were no more holes in my clothes , each one carefully mended . She started to lightly touch my shoulder when she passed me at the table , and I began to look forward to coming home at night . Her small touches and gestures increased as spring turned to summer , and my resistance continued to fade . I 'd let my fingers brush hers sometimes when she handed me something to drink . Every so often , I 'd catch a glimpse of her hair cascading loose down her back as she brushed it before bed . It looked so soft , and I found myself wanting to run my fingers through it . And , I woke more than once to find that we 'd turned towards each other in sleep , our feet or hands touching , or our legs occasionally entwined . I didn 't know what to do about any of this , so I did nothing and remained silent . She 'd become sweet and shy - like a young girl - I 'd never seen this side of her . And it wasn 't just me . She would carefully brush Mattie 's hair each morning and evening , dressing her braids with pretty ribbons . They would giggle together sharing secrets only women knew . I loved watching my daughter bloom under her attention . Mattie had never been much given to feminine frills and such , but she was now on the cusp on womanhood , and was ready to leave some of the tomboy behind . We wandered out into the tall grass fields under a brilliant blue sky to spread our blankets on the ground . After the feast , the children ran circles around us , playing some mysterious game known only to them . Mr . Banner excused himself and headed for home , letting his boy stay and play . It was so rare that there was time to sit like this , for the children to play and be children , and I was having a hard time relaxing . " I never thought that Emmett would go first . I was so mad at him when he died and took Matthew and Mark with him . " She looked down to her lap and sighed . " I never wanted to come here . This was his dream , not mine . And now I 'm here , and he 's gone . " I took her hand . " I know , and I 'm sorry . I knew you were out - voted when we all decided to travel west . It 's beautiful here , but I honestly don 't know if I 'd have agreed to come if I 'd have known what was going to happen . " " I know . I wanted to . You 've done so much for me , for Thomas . This is my way of thanking you . I 'm not good with words , you know . That was Emmett 's job . " I looked closer at the fabric in my hands and realized it was store bought , not homespun . And it wasn 't just a piece of fabric , it was a shirt , sewn for me by hand . Her hands . " Sometimes when you were in the fields for the day and I could sneak a little time away from my chores . Mostly late at night when you were sleeping . You snore , you know . " She nudged my shoulder with her own , her smile widening . I couldn 't believe she 'd given up sleep to sew me a shirt as a surprise and a thank you . I looked earnestly into her eyes , and saw truth , love , and gratitude there . " Thank you , Bella . It 's very handsome . I will wear it with pride . Thank you . " I hoped my eyes reflected my sincerity . My hand reached out of its own accord , and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear . " Edward , you have been nothing but attentive , thoughtful , or gentle with me . I was awful to you , and you took care of me anyway . You rescued me from my own stubbornness when I was sick and wanted to die . You gave me space and patience when I was living but dead inside . And you were like the gentle warm rain of spring and the sunshine when I decided to live again . Thank you . " Her eyes burned into mine with sincerity and something more . She touched my cheek . " I don 't expect anything from you , Edward . I know how much you loved Alice , and I know you could never love me like that . I 'm happy with the life we have , but I want you to know that there could be more , if you wanted . " She broke her gaze away at the end , afraid of what she might see in my eyes . " Bella , " I said softly , reaching for her chin , making her eyes meet mine . " You 're right , I could never love another like I loved Alice , just as you could never love another like you loved Emmett . I 've tried to keep space and distance between us as was proper , but you 've continued to reach for me and let me see how beautiful you are . We 're so alike - I never knew that before - we fit together easy and you 've made my life so simple . " I looked down as I felt the heat rise in my face . " I try not to think of those things with you . I never thought you 'd see me that way . " I smiled sheepishly as I looked up and met her eyes . Slowly , looking into her eyes for permission , for any sign of hesitation , I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers . They were warm and soft and welcoming . I sighed into her mouth and she moaned softly into mine . I pulled back to look at her . I realized then that I still considered myself to be married to Alice . But Alice was dead , and we were now parted . I thought about my life with Alice . My life after Alice . My life with Bella . They were different , as if I was living another life , a second life . I had never thought there would be another for me after Alice , but now I wasn 't so sure . Bella and I weren 't perfect , life had broken each of us , but in the breaking , we were reformed to fit perfectly together . Surprise flashed in her eyes , but she nodded her assent , and I kissed her forehead before I rose . " Thank you for the very special birthday picnic . Shall I help you pack things up ? " She shook her head . " Okay , then I 'll see you back at the house for supper . " I turned and walked away quickly . I had intended to go straight to the rise , but my feet took me on a rambling journey around the farm instead . Memories old and new flooded my mind , bringing both tears and laughter . I finally strode onto the rise when the sun was lowering in the sky . I sat down on the warm earth and shared all my thoughts , dreams , and memories with Alice and our children . I told them that I loved them and that no one could ever take their place . Then , with tears streaming unchecked down my cheeks , I admitted my attraction and growing feelings for Bella . I told Alice of my internal struggles and how I had still felt married to her , but now I understood that our vows ended with her death . I told her I would still visit , but that I wouldn 't be coming as often anymore . I laid it all out for her , holding nothing back . When I was done , I pressed my hands and lips to her grave gently , lovingly . " Goodbye , Alice , " I whispered and rose , lighter in heart and spirit and headed down the hill towards home . The Foxy Fics compilation benefitting The Michael J . Fox Foundation for Parkinson 's Research is now available . I 've extended my popular o / s I Burn for You Gladly by one chapter especially for this worthy cause . Look for chapter 1 of this story to post on Twilighted during March 2011 . Chapter 2 will ONLY be available in the foxyfics compilation . There are 39 authors contributing work , including tara sue me , so it 's well worth the $ 5 minimum donation . Go to . / for all the details . |
If you are a regular reader , you know what my answered prayer is , a negative sternum biopsy , letting the stem cell transplant transpire ! ! I got the news this afternoon by phone from my guardian angel , Stacy , who said she was so happy when the news popped up on her computer . The suspicious spot was due to trauma , it happened my first night home from the hospital after Thanksgiving when I tipped the walker over , hit a wooden kitchen chair and then crashed into the fireplace . I had such a sore chest for weeks after , especially since I came home with a rhino virus and had a terrible cough , it nearly did me in . But Dr . Lunning , reading the PET scan was unconvinced and gave it a 5 % chance of not being lymphoma , those odds were disheartening and when I read the actual PET scan results , my heart sank to my shoes . I kept thinking how could it not be from the fall but was prepared for bad news and wondered what was next . I 've not slept well the last few nights , lots of leg aches and that cemented the thought that is was something insidious in my body since that is what started the whole ordeal . It couldn 't have been that I was contorted into an uncomfortable position under the cattle waterer ! ( That is another blog complete with pictures . ) I still can 't believe the good news and may not sleep again tonight but for another reason . I remember the terror that came over me when Stacy outlined my previous pre - transplant schedule and suddenly didn 't want to go through with it . What a difference this time , I told her we could be there tomorrow if they had room ! We were invited by my sister in law , Susan , to their son 's house so we were hoping she had told them we were coming since we were the first to arrive . Even if we weren 't expected , they graciously welcomed them into their lovely home or another word for it is ' Legoland ! ' This is Jaxon with one of his coveted Lego 's that Santa brought but he couldn 't open it until he had the rest put together . Have you ever seen inside one of these kits ? There are what looks like thousands of itty , bitty , parts reminding me of the time Christmas was at my house at Whiting and several little girls got Barbie Dolls with all the trappings . For months after I found tiny little Barbie high heels and hair accessories . We played a fun game where you had try to unwrap a present while wearing oven mitts before the person next to you rolled doubles on the dice . I think we all ended up with something , I love my potholder / mitt combination . We also watched Christmas Vacation and The Christmas Story , I cringe when I think of him sticking his tongue to the flag pole . It was time for presents and Jaxon got another nerf gun to add to his arsenal , this one had 4 cartridges each holding several nerf bullets . When we got there , the rule was that Jaxon could not shoot people , well , that went out the window when Uncle Ross arrived and started shooting Jaxon . But isn 't that was male relatives are for , to corrupt the kid and change the rules ? It was a fun and relaxing day and we reluctantly left as the day was drawing to a close and the fog was setting in again . How it did that with the way the wind was blowing is a mystery but we arrived home safely . As I was building a fire in the stove to drive away the chill , I realized what I should have asked Santa to bring . Yesterday was biopsy day , I 'm always nervous because some have not been a good experience but I should know by now that the crew at NMC does all they can . We drove to Omaha Thursday night because the weather was not going to be good at home late that night and early morning and it wasn 't . This motel had a hot tub so we packed our swimsuits but by the time we got there , we were both out of the mood , after all , it was 7 : 30 , nearly our bedtime ! When we woke up and saw the cars with snow on top and wet streets we were glad we made that decision . With any ' procedure ' it 's hurry up and wait , we got to the hospital just before 10 and my appointment with the surgeon was at noon . They looked terribly busy but surprisingly on time . This biopsy was a CT guided so I was scrunched up in the machine with my legs hanging over the end , my arms above my head , blankets tucked around to try to keep me warm but leave my chest exposed to the world . Then the nurse had the audacity to ask if I was comfortable , I just rolled my eyes . Dr . Dafoe asked if I did well with sedation , I said I love sedation and he laughed so I was pretty fuzzy during the retrieval of tissue . Since my heart is right behind where they needed to biopsy , he went in from the side . It was scheduled to take an hour and they were right , I was back in my little cubicle when Bruce came in then watched me sleep for a couple more before we were set free . We drove in rain for awhile and further down the road we had a glimpse of what the morning commute was like . We saw a pickup and anhydrous tank on a trailer upside down in the west ditch , the pickup top was smashed and all four door were open . Just a little ways up or down the road I guess , there was a car in the medium still there . We were doubly thankful that we had not been in that mix master . Today is the annual Wilcox Christmas get together with family and , after being up and around , I 'm ready to go and spend a few hours . I might have to hang a sign around my neck , Hug Gently ! Sister Sue just invited us up to SC for Christmas dinner , you can 't beat that . No , she is a dedicated farm wife helping her hubby do chores in - 20 + temps in Iowa ! Lisa is a great friend who has let me live vicariously through photos of her lovely decorated house . Knowing I wasn 't going to get any up , she made me this cute Christmas tree out of clay flower pots and presents magically appeared . I couldn 't write this until I had a lot of time to mull over the news we received yesterday , a ( pretty ) good nights sleep and a strong cup of coffee liberally laced with International Delight Peppermint Pattie creamer brewed with my new Ninja Single serve coffee machine . Finally I have a coffee maker that brews coffee hot enough , I don 't have to put it in the microwave after ! I love it ! It takes a long wait to get results but at least we get them the same day , Dr . Lunning came in and said " I 'm going to cut to the chase , there is a suspicious spot on your sternum that needs to be biopsied . " The rest of the scan looked good and this was not there 30 days ago when I did the last one . Before he could go on I told him that my first night home from the hospital I fell in the night , crashing into a kitchen chair and the fireplace and really injured my sternum . It was terribly painful for such a long time , especially since I had the rhinovirus and was coughing my head off , when I sneezed it felt like my chest was splitting apart . It still is a little tender and I showed Dr . Lunning the spot and it 's pretty much the same place they saw on the scan . He knew I had fallen , didn 't know the entire story so he went back to call the radiologist and came back with the news that it didn 't look like a fracture injury and they have to know for sure . Bruce asked him what he thought the odds would be that it is not lymphoma and Dr . Lunninng said 5 % . He said he has given me the strongest chemo that they have in their arsenal and I don 't do well with it . He said I would breeze through the transplant if I ever get there . But he has to have another plan and that would be to try to control the dragon , not eradicate it , perhaps using a pill based regime . To my credit , I 've had so many set backs that I no longer burst into tears at bad news and I 'm sure that is a relief to Dr . Lunning ! We were very quiet on the way home , each digesting the new turn this is taking . Beth , Dr . Lunning 's nurse , called and said they got an appointment for Friday at 10 , it 's nice to have a Dr . with pull , otherwise it would have been next week . We will have to wait a week for results but at least we are a few days ahead of the game . We stopped in Correctionville and shared a pizza , then home and at 7 : 30 we were both headed up to bed , emotionally shot . In the night I was playing musical beds , to the couch with Clyde and back upstairs with Bruce , lots of thoughts swirling around my head . Then it was soon time for the program and 5 year old Treton stole the show with his flawless performance . He knew his lines as he told the Christmas story , in plain words , such as " We had a baby , but it wasn 't mine . " ( Do you think Joseph had a Superman robe ? ) . . . . he didn 't let the antic 's of his sister , Addison , corralled by their father , Tracy , or runaway Isabella , even the camera couldn 't keep up with her , interfere with his words or song . Tracy finally got the girls settled for the grand finale when suddenly Addison remembers baby Jesus by the stable . It was a great program and they received a rousing round of applause . With no change in the weather , we did wimp out on the caroling , I wasn 't going anyway , I didn 't want to go to a nursing home not knowing what might be going around in there . The rest of the places we would have gone , we would have stood outside and that would really put a crimp in the night with the - 0 temps . I had promised a pot of chili for the party after so we went home from church to a crock pot bubbling away , guaranteed to thaw our cold bones . Coupled with grilled cheese sandwiches and a cold glass of milk , it was a great meal . Days like these have Bruce thinking how much easier life would be without the cattle . It 's very , very cold and he discovered a frozen cattle fountain and the pipe frozen to the fountain . To top it off , he discovered water in the bottom of the pit , which should not have been . My first clue something was wrong was when Bruce called to see if I had a sump pump and hose he could use , yes I did . Even though I had drained the hose , it still broke into a 6 ft . piece but it made it easier that way . Soon I got a phone call , " Can you come help me , I 've called Grassy and dress warm . " He had squeezed himself under the fountain and was dipping muck out of the bottom of the pit , when he tried to take the pipe apart , it broke , adding insult to injury . While waiting for Grassy , I took ice cream buckets of muck from Bruce and dumped into a 5 gallon bucket and then dumped it onto the floor . Soon Grassy came and took over and there was nothing for me to do but go back home to the warm house . My gloves were filthy with muck but not much else . Bruce 's coveralls , on the other hand , were covered and went right in the washing machine . He did not sleep well that night , worrying about what to do with the fountain and was up before dawn . He ended up calling Marcus Lumber , Grassy came back and helped him remove the concrete fountain from the base so that guy didn 't have squeeze himself into the small hole that Bruce did the day before . It 's a good thing because he was a big guy and had a hard time putting a new pipe in . Bruce said he was kind of grumbling but at least he didn 't have to dip black , stinky muck out of the pit . They capped off the pipe , Bruce and Grassy put the fountain back in place to wait for nicer weather to hook it up . He also found out the water bowl had a small leak , that is why there was water in the pit and why it shorted out the electric heater keeping it from freezing . Tonight is going to be very subzero and the question is whether the wind comes up and produces ground blizzards and we have to cancel church in the morning . It 's the Sunday school Christmas program so I hope not , I look forward to it every year . We put together the goody bags at session the other night and tomorrow night is caroling . I made a crock pot of chili and will make a pan of cinnamon rolls tomorrow , whether we have it or not , we will eat good . This is a very different winter for me as I 'm pretty much confined to the house because of very low energy , my hemoglobin was down and that causes lack of oxygen to vital organs . So I know I 'm not just lazy . But life is pretty boring , I 'm not out and about and taking pictures of snow and cold and the animals I love . Or Bruce ! I spend a lot of time looking out the windows to see what is going on , late yesterday Mollie went crazy and I looked out just in time to see 4 or 5 deer run across the pasture , over the fence , across the road and on south . They were running like their tails were on fire so we assume there were hunters involved . . . . . . the two coyotes we saw this morning on the way to Cherokee for the latest blood test . One crossed the road just east of us and the other was standing in the field across from the pond . Why can 't we just all get along ? I 'm still fighting the mouse ( mice ) in the bee hive , I have two traps set with a mini marshmallow taped to the trigger . When the bugger ( s ) tripped one twice , I upped the game and put a sticky trap inside . But two days have passed and nothing has happened , I 'm just hoping he found the package of poison I put inside also . It 's way too cold to disrupt the hive to find him . Speaking of cold and it 's only going to get worse before it gets better , we have a quirky weatherman on Channel 4 , T . J . Springer who must have come from a warm climate because as soon as the weather changed , his constant mantra during his report was , " Stay inside , it 's too cold to be out there ! " Well , how would our animals get fed ? How would the bridge get built on our road ? How would you ever get mail delivered ? It was getting annoying and I think someone finally told him to shut up , because we have not heard that in the last couple of days . But the jury is still out when the temps are dropping on Saturday night to - 18 or so . I 'm glad that the chickens have a heater at night and all the animals have warm heated beds . I just wish all animals were so lucky . People are still being incredibly kind to us , we have a lot of food in the freezer to tide us over when I don 't have the strength to cook . Knowing I wasn 't going to get out any Christmas decorations , another friend , Lisa , brought us a mini Christmas tree she made from flower pots , it 's so cute ! And she brought food . The Christmas cards are coming in and I hope people understand that right now I 'm not in the mood to reciprocate , maybe in the New Year ? Those of you who live in a vermin free house , count your blessings , for those of us living in old farm houses , it is a constant battle . Not only can they flatten themselves and slide through the smallest crack , I saw this for myself one night in the upstairs bathroom , we have Naughty Zoe who thinks it 's great sport to bring a mouse in from either outside or the garage and dash to the basement or upstairs to play hockey with said mouse in the upstairs bathroom . They slide so nicely on the linoleum floor . ( One got away and scooted under the tiny crack between the closet door and the floor , it was like Houdini , one minute it was there , the next it was gone . So at 10 : 30 at night I was tearing Bruce 's closet apart to find the little devil , by that time Zoe has lost interest and it was up to me to whack him with my Croc and flush him down the stool . ) We hear mice in the walls and ceiling of the living room , Bruce said to put poison out but then you have to contend with the dead mouse smell . So after much thought , I bought sticky traps and installed them behind the door that leads to the plumbing in the upstairs bathroom . That worked pretty good , I was able to catch and dispatch 5 or 6 and the scrabblings are few but the war was far from over as we discovered when the dishwasher quit working . We determined it was a faulty water intake valve , thanks to You Tube , so ordered a new one from our local guy . When Bruce pulled it out to work on it , there was evidence of a mouse party to end all parties . I knew Zoe had been very interested in the cracks around the dishwasher , I should have paid more attention to her . We set traps and caught 3 in about 5 days . They made a mess , there was evidence that they probably raised a family under there and that counted for the small mice that Zoe kept finding and taking upstairs to her playroom . I was trying to clean out the mess from under the dishwasher and was concerned that there was water , Bruce replaced the water intake valve , started it up , shut it off and as the water ran out , we could hear drips . The darned mice had chewed on an outlet hose ! ! ! When we called back to Ebert 's , Mike said that he has only seen that trouble on Bosch washers , they must really like their brand of plastic . So I spent another couple of days , doing dishes by hand before the new part came in . We both held our breath when all the new parts were on and started the washer , water coming in , water going out and no drips , YEAH ! We 've heard that dryer sheets deter mice so tucked some around the plastic hoses and on both sides of the crack , just to be on the safe side , we still have the baited trap waiting . Whew , I thought , I think we have a handle on things - au contraire , Murphy 's Law interceded . I had not been to the bee hives for a long time , Bruce put the hay bales around when it got cold and I thought it was time to see how the sugar bricks were holding out . The first hive had finished their pan so I pulled it out . The second hive had a nasty surprise , a mouse popped out when I opened it , I tried whacking him with a top bar but he got away into the woods . That is not what I wanted to see . They still had a little sugar brick left that I pulled out and up popped another mouse head but he quickly retreated back into the hive . AAUUGGHHHH ! ! ! ! To make things worse , the bees started coming out and they don 't do well in cold weather , I wasn 't dressed to deal with them so we shut up the hive and went home . I had to make sugar bricks , find where they got in and figure out what to do with the one or more , still in there and try to protect the bees from coming out . I messed up the sugar bricks , the sugar caramelized and that is not good so jettisoned both batches . I took the old car , with all my bee supplies in the trunk over later armed with mouse bait and a trap , hoping I could convince the bees to stay in with smoke while I ousted the mouse ( s ) . The bees were not cooperative , they wanted to do battle with me so I left the poison in one end and the mouse trap on top and shut it up as tightly as I could . I thought the stiff piece of Styrofoam had left enough of a crack for the little buggers to get in . I didn 't sleep well last night , trying to formulate a plan and woke up to the snow that was predicted . Bruce found some rolled insulation to replace the blue , I took a flashlight , newspaper and the rest of the bag of sugar . Some bee keepers just lay newspaper down and put granulated sugar over it instead of making fondant or sugar bricks and they say it works well . I didn 't want the hives open long so quickly stocked the first hive , when I put me ear to the top bars I could hear buzzing down deep so that made me happy . I had the smoker ready when I opened the second hive and was happy to find a fat mouse in the trap . I decided against moving any of the other top bars because again the bees were wanting to come out , I slapped down their newspaper , covered it with the last of the sugar , tucked it full of insulation , re - set the mouse trap , and made sure all the edges met with no cracks . As I was looking at the front , I saw a bee start to come out , one board had warped just enough to leave a crack that I 'm sure a mouse could get in . I had run out of energy so called Bruce to the rescue , he brought a lathe and Makita and screwed it over the crack and called it good . I 'm afraid that I would have lost a lot of bees , had I messed around more , now I can go over and quickly check the trap . Obviously the mice really like the mini marshmallow I tape to the trap . It wasn 't what I wanted to find over there but in the grand scheme of things , it 's also not the end of the world . Just another one of those potholes that seem to line my path . After an extended balmy fall , old Mother Nature did a switcharoo and opened the door to the cold north winds along with a couple of snow flurries . More is predicted this weekend but we hope the weatherman is wrong . While I hole up in the house with the fireplace going , Bruce still has to do his outdoor chores along with a few wrenches in the works , like a frozen fountain this morning in the cattle yard . I know the easy way to thaw him out , with a pot of beef stew , easy , hearty and oh so satisfying ! When Bruce was dishing his plate up he said , " You need to take a picture of this ! " That was all I needed to hear . Did you notice my new pan ? Yes , it is the square deep Red Copper pan that is all over the infomercials on TV . I took a long time to finally order one , in fact I waited until Cyber Monday to get a discount and I truly love it ! I 've used it nearly every day since it came and it 's winner and believe me , I 'm not getting paid to say this . I 've always loved all my cast iron but they are heavy , this one is so light and cleans up like a breeze . What goes better with beef stew than cornbread ? But this is no ordinary cornbread but a Thanksgiving Sweet Skillet Cornbread , compliments of Heather ( Waugh ) Bircher . She has a special recipe in each of her hubby , Aaron 's , newsletters and I saved this one and decided today was the day , and was not disappointed . Baked in a cast iron skillet , served warm with butter and honey , it was more dessert than bread . But Bruce is a tough sell , as I was 'm - m - m - ming ' my way through my slice , I noticed he did not say much so I asked him what he thought . " It is alright . " That means he would rather have the 39 cent Jiffy mix or 89 cent Betty Crocker mix from the store , a travesty ! 3 . Whisk eggs and honey in a bowl , and then mix in milk , sour cream and browned butter . Add to flour mixture and stir until batter is combined . 4 . Melt the remaining butter over medium heat until it foams . Add to the batter . ( I used my 10 inch cast iron skillet to melt the butter and then baked the cornbread in it . ) 5 . Spread batter in medium pan and bake at 400 degrees until the cornbread springs back when pressed , about 20 - 30 minutes . ( 20 was perfect for me . I learned the hard way you do not want to overbake cornbread or it is dry and unpalatable . ) Things are kind of boring around here , there has been nothing of note to photograph much less write about with me pretty much house bound . A bunch of chicken treats , leftover popcorn , bread crumbs , etc . had piled up so when Bruce was ready to go outside after dinner , I asked him if he would like to make my chickens day . He gave me the ' look ' you know , the one that says , " HUH ? ? " He just doesn 't understand . I had the camera and stressed that he had to quiet going out the back door , if they hear me coming , they stampede out the chicken house door and that is what I wanted to avoid until I was ready . Unfortunately the lens cap was stuck on the camera and I couldn 't get it off , AAUUGGGHHHH ! ! So most of the girls were already milling around his feet , the black hen at the back is trying to get airborne . I 've taken back the dog , cat and chicken chores , the horses are easy because Bruce has them on a big round bale self feeder , I just have to make sure they are upright and taking nourishment . The chicken coop could use a cleaning but it can wait , yesterday I stepped in and my eyes began to water , " What is that smell ? ? " Broody Poop ! ! The little red frizzle 's goal in life is to be a mother and she is not to be deterred just because it is winter . She trolls the nests until she finds an egg that needs to be kept warm and settles on it , happy that her life is fulfilled once more - until one of us comes and rudely yanks the egg out from under her . Broody hens only get off the nest once a day and do their business and you know when they do it , you just need to watch where you step . |
Side note , when we got home and I checked my emails , I saw that they had sent a few emails during the week saying that we owed them 50 € ( about $ 65 ) for " early checkout " . Now , this fee was never mentioned at any time , including when we told them what time we would have to leave and arranged for them to get the keys . So 5 days into the trip you 're going to drop a $ 65 fee on us ? I don 't think so . It 's not like we 're talking $ 10 here . Of course I didn 't have email access so I didn 't see those emails , and he didn 't mention it at all when he picked up the keys . For his sake , I think he made a wise choice there . Overall , renting the apartment was a good move . It ended up being about the same as what we would have spent on a hotel room , but it was bigger , was in a better , more livable neighborhood , allowed us to do laundry ( and thus take less luggage ) , allowed us to cook supper , was close to 4 ( 4 ! ) metro lines , let us put the kids to bed in a separate room , and , to tell the truth , felt kind of cool , like I was really living in Paris . So there were many , many advantages . However , buyer beware ! There was clearly a lot of shady stuff going on , and could easily have been way , way worse . It worked out well for us , but it just as easily could have gone sour . And nothing that happened in the trip made me feel better to where I wouldn 't worry about it just as much next time . After turning in the keys , we had to walk quite a ways to get to the train station . When we finally got there , we walked all over looking for the bus stop that would take us to the airport . We were a little late for the first bus , but we caught the second one . Once we finally got on the bus , but the bus driver told us we should get off at terminal F , which contradicted what we had been told previously , that we should go to terminal 1 . We were a bit suspicious about this ( how does the same airport have a terminal 1 and a terminal F ? That 's not even the same numbering system ! ) but he seemed confident , so we took his advice . After wandering around terminal F for some time , we finally found a person to ask . She was like , " Why did you get off at terminal F ? You should be at terminal 1 . " However , when the man with the giant assault rifle told us we had to wait in the hallway until the bomb scare was over , we really started to worry . We would have worried even more if we would have known there was a serious national security threat to Paris that day , but as it was , we were totally disconnected from the news , and didn 't really have any idea until later that day . At the time , we were more worried about the nuisance and making our flight on time . We debated leaving the terminal and getting a cab to the other side of the airport ( that can 't cost that much , right ? ) , but they finally let us through . We had to check in , check our bags , go through security ( although , admittedly , French security is a little more lax than in the U . S . ) , and walk through what felt like half of the airport ( the moving walkway was broken of course ) . Finally , however , we made it to the gate . We had given ourselves 5 hours lead time , and we didn 't even have time to buy coffee , because they had already boarded half the plane ! This time we had a seat behind the bulkhead and a " real " airplane bassinet that bolted to the wall . However , Oliver wanted nothing to do with it . The stewardess asked if we liked it and we were like , " Yeah , he didn 't like it " and she said , " I know , I heard from the back of the plane when you tried to put him in it . " It did provide a nice shelf to set things on , and the extra leg room was * very * nice . Evie was pretty set for this flight , she watched Toy Story 3 3 times in a row , back to back to back . She kept saying she wasn 't going to watch it again , but then a few minutes later , she 'd be hooked . I think she might have slept through the end the first time . Oliver was pretty fussy and we were constantly doing whatever we could to keep him happy ( with mixed results ) . So it was good that Evie didn 't take much effort . Hey , at least they had changing tables in the bathrooms on the airplane . Finally , after a long exhausting flight we made it . To Newark . Paris travel tip # 8 : for international flights , DO NOT choose a connecting flight . Fly direct , it 's worth it , even if it costs a little more . We had to get off the plane , claim our baggage , and go through customs before re - checking our bags and re - going through security . So it was like all the bad parts of going to the airport , twice . Not to mention the fact that we had gotten up very early and traveled on an exhausting flight already . Evie did a good job of holding it together all day , except for one little exception . When we were going through customs , she had an absolute meltdown . This was , of course , the worst possible moment . We 're trying to be all calm and serious and making sure we do the right thing , and she is just screaming like a demon is trying to crawl out of her nose . We strapped her into the stroller and pushed her through the airport , kicking and screaming . When we got to customs and the guy was looking through the passports , he said , " Is there another little girl down there I can 't see ? " Evie immediately answered with something like " RAAAARGH ! " It was sort of like transporting a Tasmanian Devil through the airport . Luckily , the guy was very nice and understanding , and he let us through . I think , at this point , Sara and I were delirious . We were standing in line to go through security , and we realized that we had filled our water bottles before getting on the last plane , but we were going through security again , so we would have to empty them ( for the 20 seconds that we went through the metal detector , after which , of course , we could fill them up again ) . I just remember at one point we were chugging these water bottles and then I dropped all of the passports all over everywhere and Sara and I were laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes . I was probably literally insane at that point ( as if taking 2 small kids on a 12 hour airplane odyssey wasn 't proof enough already ) . We had 2 hours to make our connecting flight , and it couldn 't have been 1 second shorter or we wouldn 't have made it . Finally we touched down in beautiful , blessed Chicago . The second I stepped off the plane , I was crushed in the face with a big allergy fist . It was weird , how immediate it was . So now we 're back in Chicago , our long road is ended , right ? Wrong . After we got our bags , we had to take a shuttle to the parking lot and then drive all the way home in rush hour traffic . Evie crashed hard in the car and couldn 't be roused for anything . It was a long , long , rough day on all of us , and I couldn 't blame her . Of course we were all up by4 a . m . the next day , but what are you going to do ? So that 's it ! 9 posts and over 14 , 000 words later , our trip is complete . I don 't know which was more exhausting , coming home from Paris , or writing these posts . But it was a good trip , and very complete , much like the aforementioned posts . For us , that meant we finally made it to the Arc de Triomphe . It turns out that they have an elevator they will let you take if you have a stroller , even though it is supposed to be for handicap use only . However , we didn 't know that , so we took the stairs ( it turns out the elevator was broken at the top anyway ) . We had read that it was supposed to be a free day , but when we got there it apparently wasn 't ( either that or some very inventive crooks took in a loooot of money that day ) . Everybody had been saying about how the stairs were so big and roomy . Well … I 'd hate to see some of the other staircases . I suppose it was roomy in the sense that someone could * technically * squeeze by you if they had to . I still wouldn 't describe them as roomy . I carried Evie and Sara carried Oliver , and I have to say , the climb wasn 't really that bad . Just when I started to breath hard and think , " Okay , how much farther ? " we were at the top . The view was nice , but I 'd imagine it would be even better after dark , with the lights in the trees down the Champs - Élysées and the glittering Tour Eiffel . One thing you do see during the day are a bunch of maniacs driving in the enormous roundabout around the Arc . It 's probably like 6 or 8 lanes wide , with no markings , and there are 12 streets stemming off . So it 's kind of like a big round parking lot , and everybody is just sort of driving whichever way is most convenient for them . The amazing part was that there didn 't seem to be any accidents ! After we had the apartment squared away , we went back to the Jardin du Luxembourg . The previous time was when I was working , so this was the first time for me . If you recall , the first time they went the place was pretty much empty . This time , however , it was totally different . Packed . This is where Parisians hide their kids ! ( For a city the size of Paris , there didn 't seem to be too many kids . ) It wasn 't just kids though , there were tons of adults just strolling the park as well . It was quite the scene . The main reason we were there was to see another marionette show . The first show went so well , that we really wanted to see another one . The one at Jardin du Luxembourg was much more involved . It was more like going to see a play . There was an indoor theater with a ticket seller , stage and curtain , and even an intermission to go catch some refreshments . Therefore , Evie was a little scared . Being as this was much more of a production , there was actually a storyline , Puss in Boots . The puppets were much larger , the sets were more elaborate ( like a spinning windmill or a carriage with moving wheels and puppet horses ) , and the scenes required several puppet masters , not just one . Evie was looking forward to seeing Guignol , but I was a little nervous maybe Guignol wouldn 't be in Puss in Boots . However , I now know Guignol is in ALL French marionette shows . So we weren 't disappointed there . It was interesting to see the elaborate puppets and sets , etc . but I have to say that I kind of preferred the first one we saw . It was sort of the " working man 's " puppet show and seemed more authentic to me . It was more straightforward and had more participation from the kids . Evie liked them both , but I think she preferred the first one too . But I 'm still glad we saw this one . After the show , we walked around the park a little bit and watched people play Pétanque ( a . k . a . Boules or Bocce ball ) . This wasn 't just an idle game , this was serious business ! There is a coat rack for people to hang up their coats so it doesn 't mess with their throw . People had utility belts with little tools , like a little measuring tape . My favorite accessory was this little magnet on a chain for picking up your balls , so you don 't have to bend over . People were very serious ; they had a special stance , special throw , etc . It was fascinating to watch . I would have stayed longer , but they dragged me away . Evie continued to grab every chestnut she could find , building up a sizable collection . She tried keeping them in her pockets , but she had too many and they kept falling out . Consequently she had full pockets , plus all she could hold in her hands . We told her we wouldn 't be allowed to bring them home with us , and she 'd have to throw them away when we got home . She was a little bummed , but not as upset as I thought she 'd be . We promised her we could take a picture of them , and we could take the picture home instead . So she proudly posed with her enormous pile of chestnuts in her lap . Later we found out that was only about half of them . She had squirreled them away in every nook and cranny of the apartment , and every bag or piece of luggage we had . On the metro , you very frequently see accordion players playing for money . Occasionally it would be other instruments , but there was a heavy emphasis on accordion playing . Evie loved it ( me too ! ) . One time Sara gave her a coin to give to one of the players and Evie thought it was so cool . You could tell how big of a deal she thought it was by the way she made nervous eye contact and solemnly put the coin in the cup . All week Evie had been saving up her " collection " of coins , some of which she found on the ground , some of which she earned by being good . As usual , she wanted to spend this money on ice cream , but we told her she didn 't have nearly enough . So instead she asked if she could give it to " someone playing music on the train " . On the walk to the train , that money was burning a hole in her pocket . She couldn 't stop playing with it , jingling it in her pocket , or just holding it in her hand . We were worried we wouldn 't see anybody and she would be disappointed . However , right away , there was someone on our train . Her face was just shining . When he finally finished playing , he came through the car for money . Evie carefully reached in her pocket and pulled out … 1 cent . She reverently placed it in his cup , and he thanked her . I 'm telling you , watching her face , I almost wanted to cry . The whole scene was so beautiful . Although the man was very nice and seemed grateful , I 'm sure he almost wanted to cry too . 1 whole cent . But if he knew how much that 1 cent meant to Evie , he would probably never spend it . Oliver , however , was ready to go . He did not like being full - body - rash - baby or being stuffed in the ergo anymore . He was tired of the few toys we brought for him . He was tired of being out of his routine . He wanted home . First up for Saturday was a trip to Île de la Cité , an island in the middle of the river Seine , the river that goes through the middle of Paris . Île de la Cité is known as the " heart of the city " , so its no surprise that it is home to " Point Zero " the place from which all distances in Paris are calculated . However , it 's a little more well known for being the home of the cathedral of Notre Dame ( Our Lady ) . Paris tip # 7 - don 't pronounce Notre Dame like the University in South Bend ! ( Correct : Note - re Dahm . Incorrect : Noter Daaame ) The inside of the church was plenty impressive , but it was the outside that was really awesome . It 's kind of like with the palace at Versailles : I 've seen churches that are similar to the inside , but the outside was unlike anything I 've seen before . In particular , it is covered with interesting gargoyles . I think I could sit and look at them all day long . Flying buttresses are significantly cooler looking than they sound . This was definitely the best outside of all the churches we went to in Paris . Sara and I were thinking of putting out a book entitled , " Oliver pukes on the sacred relics of Europe " . It would be a picture book , maybe something nice with big glossy pictures , like a coffee table book . We certainly got a head start on this book during the course of this trip . Notre Dame was no exception . You can climb the tower of Notre Dame for a good view ( like everything in Paris ) but we skipped it ( as we did with Sacré - Coeur ) . The thought of all of those tight , cramped stairs with the kids and all of our gear just seemed like trouble . We decided to save it for the Arc de Triomphe , which we heard had a nice wide staircase . Just outside of Notre Dame is the entrance to the Paris Archeological Crypt . I wouldn 't really recommend it , it 's sort of boring , but it is pretty quick to go through , covered under the museum pass , and has one other big advantage : buttons to push . There 's nothing Evie likes more than pushing buttons in a museum , and this was the only one in France that we went to with buttons . So she was happy . We went to a restaurant for lunch , specifically a crêperie because we knew that Evie liked crêpes , and Sara and I wanted some authentic ones . However , Evie 's behavior convinced us not to go to any more restaurants for the rest of the trip . Her behavior was abhorrent ; having fits , not listening , obsessing about desert ( to the point that she wouldn 't eat anything ) , spitting out her food , etc . It was a pretty ugly scene ( and the waitress wasn 't very nice to begin with ) . We got out of there as soon as possible . After lunch we headed over to the Mémorial de la Déportation ( we had tried to go before lunch , but it had been closed for lunch , so we came back ) . Basically it is a memorial to the 200 , 000 people deported from France to Nazi concentration camps . The pictures we had seen looked pretty cool , with a hallway containing 200 , 000 lighted crystals , one for each deported person . When it was our turn , she told us that Evie shouldn 't go in . She made us go read the information on the side ( which told us nothing we didn 't already know ) and told us , after reading it , we could decide if she could go in or not . This of course caused us to reconsider going in . This was about concentration camps after all , maybe there were graphic pictures or something . So we agreed that I would go check it out first , and if it was okay , everyone else would come in . Here 's the thing : there was nothing graphic in any way . The lady was just concerned whether or not Evie would be solemn enough for her liking . There really was almost nothing to see down there at all . It was just a little stone room with a bunch of writing in French on the walls ( they did use a cool font , I will give them that ) . Anything of interest was behind big , locked gates , including the hallway with the 200 , 000 crystals ! So like , the entire point of the memorial was blocked off , and you had to peek between bars to see it . And why did they close it for lunch , if there was nothing to see or touch or anything ? Well , because the gate keeper couldn 't be there to lecture you and make sure you were solemn enough . I 'm sure her head is in the right place . She wants to make sure it is treated reverently . The problem is that , who says her way is the only way to enjoy it ? We weren 't there to make trouble or to disrespect anything . So , in trying to make sure the monument is enjoyed " properly " , she ends up making sure nobody enjoys it at all , and misses a great opportunity to educate people ( and kids ! ) about what the whole point of the memorial is . So I told Sara not to bother and we left . This is probably the only thing we saw in Paris that I would not recommend . It definitely wasn 't cool enough to justify the lecturing ( especially not with everything blocked off ) . Once that was done , we walked over to Sainte - Chapelle ( Holy Chapel ) . There was a long line and we smugly strolled past it , looking for the museum pass line . Unfortunately , when we got to the front , there was a clear sign that said museum pass holders must wait in the line like all the rest of the schmucks . We couldn 't skip the line . Not only did we just get done with a bad experience at the deportation memorial , we had to wait in this long line with misbehaving kids and a sinus headache . Spirits were low . Just before we reached the pits of despair , a security guard pulled us out and skipped us to the front of the line ( I guess because we have kids ? He didn 't really explain , at least not in English , and I can 't think of any other reason why we would get to go first ) . As we got up there , we quickly saw that the line was for security , not to get into the chapel . The chapel shares the building with the court house , so the security was really for the courthouse . There was a separate line to get into the chapel , which we * could * skip with our pass . Security in Paris is so funny . They peek in your bag , but they don 't dig around or anything . In many cases we happened to have a blanket or something on top , such that you couldn 't see anything in the bag at all , and they waved us through . On top of that , if you set off the metal detector , they just wave you through anyway . Like , " Ah , go ahead , you have kids and about 100 bags , you 're fine . " Anyway , our mood was perked up a little bit by the unexpected line jumping . Once we were inside , we were standing off to the side to collect ourselves a little bit , and Evie just started jumping off a low stone step . Oliver thought it was the funniest thing he had ever seen in his life . Every time she jumped , he would just start laughing his head off . We probably stood there for 10 minutes with her jumping . This was just the mood - lift that we needed . Sainte - Chapelle is kind of an un - church , almost like an unexpected , nondescript little building in the middle of a bunch of unrelated buildings , as opposed to the big gothic structure of Notre Dame . And yet , it had ( probably by far ) the best stained glass windows of all the churches . I was pleasantly surprised , it was better than I expected . I would recommend a stop here , although I think it is the only church we went to that you had to pay to see ( unless you have the museum pass ! ) Sainte - Chapelle is just like two rooms , so we were quickly on our way to the Conciergerie , which also ended up being better than I expected ( another use of the museum pass here ) . Conciergerie is an old prison for guillotine victims , most specifically Marie - Antoinette , but it 's actually pretty cool looking inside ( at least compared to what I thought a prison would look like ) . Specifically the vaulted entrance hall is cool and makes good use of lighting . I think maybe it started its life as a palace , so that could explain it . We were hoping maybe to see a guillotine , but there wasn 't one . There was , however , a series of mannequins in cells to demonstrate what life was like in the prison , and Evie liked that a lot . And plenty of talk about guillotines , of course , so she was pretty happy . When we were leaving the Conciergerie , Evie was again having a fit , strapped into the stroller and yelling " No ! No ! " One of the guards started laughing and shouted , " Sí ! " Sí ! " back at her . This was the 3rd day in a row that Evie was mistaken for Spanish . Why ? ? Does she look Spanish ? Next up we caught a Bateau Mouche , which is like a big flat boat or barge that takes you on a tour of Paris via the Seine river . The tour was okay . It would be good if you had less time in Paris , or if you did it at the beginning of your trip to sort of orient yourself . By this point in the trip we had pretty much seen everything that we saw on the boat tour . I will say this , there were a few good angles for pictures that you couldn 't get any other way than on the river . Still , in our case , it was just okay . We got a little turned around coming home and ended up in a fancy chocolate stop , Le Maison du Chocolat . Evie was going to have a fit , but the man swooped in and gave her a chocolate . He 's like a chocolate superhero ! We bought the cheapest thing we could find because everything was so expensive , but it was wonderful ! So we somehow ended up being a nice day despite my bad head cold and some of the worst behavior I 've ever seen on Evie . It was just a long , long day and it 's really not surprising that Evie was due for some bad behavior . We were so far out of our normal routine , and we were pushing long days with a lot of walking and fresh air , every day for ( at this point ) a week . So I can 't say that I blame her for that . Plus , we usually require good behavior outside of the house , but we can relax when we are at home . Here , we were worried about the thin walls / ceilings of our apartment , so we were requiring better - than - usual behavior , even at home . I think it was a lot to handle for a little girl . As for Oliver 's part , between his horrible rash and his growing dislike of the ergo , he was declared the saddest boy in France . He wasn 't really naughty ( can babies really be naughty ? ) , just very , very sad . But of course his crying didn 't help anything . Again , not really his fault , and being declared the saddest boy in France is something of an honor . One quick thing that I forgot to mention yesterday : Ladurée ! Ladurée is a super fancy macaroon shop . The French version of a macaroon is a bit different than what I think of as a macaroon . It 's like a fancy cream filled sandwich cookie that comes in different flavors ( and colors ! ) . We had planned to visit Ladurée on the super - posh Champs - Élysées , but they had a dealership at Versailles , so we ended up going there . I say dealership because buying these cookies was quite the experience . We got an English - speaking shop girl to personally oversee our purchase , and to put the cookies in a nice box , suitable for keeping ( we still have it , even though the cookies didn 't last 30 minutes ) . It was very fancy , and a very big deal . Well , we didn 't buy them as a gift , we just ate them . And they really were delicious ! They weren 't so good as to justify the price , but we specifically wanted the best in France . Afterwards we bought cheaper ones at a regular pâtisserie , but I can 't compare the two because Evie didn 't let me have a bite . I 'm guessing they were pretty similar . First up was the Carnavalet Museum . The focus of this museum is the history of Paris . I don 't know if we would have went to this museum or not , except for one fact : we heard a rumor they might have some stuff on guillotines . As you may recall , one of the main things that Evie was interested in seeing was a guillotine , and we hadn 't seen one up to this point ( for some reason the French don 't seem to keen on remembering this bloody time in their history ) . So we thought we better go seek one out . And Carnavalet gave us what we were looking for ! A model guillotine ! Pictures of guillotines ! ( These pictures were no joke , there was one painting where someone had just had their head cut off and blood was spraying out everywhere . Evie loved it . ) We didn 't see a full sized guillotine , but Evie got some pictures in front of the model ones , and she seemed satisfied . For lunch we headed over to the Marais neighborhood to look for some falafel . Falafel ? you say . In Paris ? Oh yes my friend , falafel . We were looking for L ' As du Falafel , which is supposedly the one place in Paris that Lenny Kravitz goes out of his way to eat at . What 's good enough for the stomach of Lenny Kravitz is good enough for me . However , when we got there , we found out it was closed . This turned out to be only a minor set back , however , because the rue des Rosiers is apparently FULL of falafel restaurants ( I suppose because it 's the center of the big Jewish neighborhood in Paris ? ) So , since we were already in the mood for falafel , we ended up in line for King of Falafel . I have to say , this wasn 't just any falafel sandwich . There was artistry involved . I feel kind of funny saying it , but I think this was the best thing I ate in Paris . It was delicious ! Well worth the trip ! ( to the neighborhood I mean , it 's probably not worth flying all the way to Paris for ) Highly recommended . ( Hmm hmm , yes , we ate at all the fanciest French restaurants in Paris . Have you heard of , oh what 's that name again ? I 'm so bad with French . Ah yes , King of Falafel ? ) We at our falafel at a park and Evie made friends with two British girls ( " Her name is Olivia , but her name is really Livie ! " ) . They invented some kind of game that involved throwing a ball backwards over your shoulder into a sandbox . For our part , we mostly just tried not to drip purple cabbage juice all over Oliver . Once our lunch was done , we headed over to Centre Pompidou . The Pompidou houses modern art , but is know as much for the outside of the building as the inside . Basically the building is " inside out " with all of the structural elements , like the pipes , escalator , etc . are on the outside , and each one is painted a bright color . Consequently we spent a while outside admiring things . The outside was pretty cool , but it quickly was overshadowed by a large flock of pigeons that someone was feeding nearby . Evie once again chased the pigeons all over the place , but this time there were hundreds of them . Terrified pigeons were flying all over the place , but they just couldn 't resist that delicious French bread ( who can ? ) so they kept coming back . Finally we decided to go inside . As I mentioned , the escalator is on the outside of the building , so riding it up to the top is pretty cool , with a good view of the city . I always like modern art , so overall I enjoyed the museum a lot ( it 's a nice change of pace after all of the " old " art museums you go to in Paris ) . However , our visit wasn 't without incident . The first room we went into was entitled " genital panic " and , let me tell you , the name was appropriate . There were a lot of genitals , and I was quite panicked , pushing Evie in the stroller . Most of the exhibits in this room were extremely , as Sara put it , " intimate " . How do you answer your 3 year old 's questions about a video of a naked woman hula hooping with barbwire , such that every time it goes around it cuts her ? You don 't , that 's how , and we got out of there as fast as we could without raising Evie 's suspicions that we were fleeing . ( She was mostly unaware of what was going on , but probably would have taken an interest if she caught the vibe that we were trying to hide something from her ! ) After this , we finally headed over to a more traditional museum , Musée d ' Orsay . Although it 's pretty famous , this was not nearly as crowded as the Louvre . The Orsay is actually in an old train station , and I found the building itself to be the most interesting part . I really liked the big open center part with the statues , in what would have been the main concourse . The rest of the art was like , famous and stuff . I don 't know . Maybe I was just starting to get museum - ed out . On the way home we stopped off at the Bon Marché , one of the first department stores , since it was right next to our apartment . Actually , we really only went to the Grand Epicerie , which is sort of like an enormous fancy food store . It 's hard to describe how this place was different than like a supermarket , but it was more like a bunch of independent little French stores that happened to be under the same roof . They had like different little areas for cuisines from different countries . I later heard from some Frenchman that the Grand Epicerie is one of the best in Paris , if a little pricey . We were looking for something to bring home for dinner , and we didn 't really find too much , although we did wander around looking at all the delicious foods . The longer we stayed in Paris , the more snobby we were becoming about food , even Evie . We were so used to getting fresh bread every day , that when she had to eat some bread for breakfast the next day after we bought it she said , " this bread is too thick , it needs jam ! " We ended up throwing it out and going down to get new bread . One final note , as the week was wearing on I noticed that Evie just started talking made up nonsense , and it was happening more and more ! She would say a sentence and then add a few words of gibberish on the end . Or you would ask her a question and she would answer in gibberish . This was fascinating , because it was clearly in response to being around so much language that she didn 't understand . I was wondering how she would react to being in a place where people were speaking another language , but she really hadn 't had much of a reaction . I guess it was finally getting to her ! Thursday meant more work for me , so I again slept on the couch to avoid waking everybody in the morning . The meeting was at a French company and I was the only one who didn 't speak French . So I was sort of useless here ( I prefer to think of myself as eye candy ) . I did have this moment where I was like , " Whoa , I 'm here in a country where I don 't really speak the language on business . I 'm an international businessman ! " but it passed quickly . My meeting was close by the Château ( castle ) of Versailles , where the Sun King , Louis XIV , built an enormous palace and moved the French court . So Sara took the kids on the train and we met there for a picnic lunch ( the sandwiches sat in my backpack at my fancy schmancy international business meeting ) . We spent the rest of the day there , which meant I was stuck in my suit . I shed the jacket and tie , but my shoes weren 't exactly the greatest shoes for tromping around in . The château itself was pretty cool , but I 've seen palaces before , and this wasn 't a lot different . But the grounds , on the other hand , are flat out amazing ! This Louis XIV was immensely rich and powerful , and he kept a huge staff to keep his grounds constantly beautiful . The palace is situated on about 200 acres of land which includes fountains , flowerbeds , decorative hedges , statues , and even an area with a forest of orange trees in containers so that they could wheel them inside during cold weather . Even now it must take a huge staff of people to care for all of this , but imagine what it would have taken before modern conveniences ! I imagine there was a grumble or two about hauling gallons of water up to water those stupid orange trees . I guess it 's no wonder the French revolution came just a few generations after . Evie and I used the " free " bathroom , and I gave her some coins to give to the bathroom attendant . In Europe it is pretty common to pay to use the bathroom ( it seemed common in France , but not as common as it was in Italy ) . Often there is a bathroom attendant who does nothing all day except clean the bathrooms , and your money is sort of a tip to him ( it might even be his wage , I don 't know ) . I saw the bathroom attendant working his butt off all day , and I saw the coins left by others , so I figured we 'd toss some on as well . After she gave him the money , he asked me ( in French ) if Evie was from Spain . When I answered that we were from the United States , he gave a big booming laugh and clapped me heartily on the back . I don 't know if it was because I answered him in French , which is probably not very typical of Americans , or if it was because we actually paid for the bathroom , which is also probably not very typical of Americans ( or maybe just because Evie was dressed so stylishly ) , but he seemed to find us quite amusing . Evie and I mostly spent the time pretending we were kings and princesses , respectively . Like , " Oh , I think I will use this room for dancing . What do you think , Princess ? " " Oh yes , will you invite me to the dancing , King ? " Evie 's favorite parts were the bedrooms . I guess there 's something particularly exciting about seeing where a King / Queen / Princess actually slept . Maybe it 's because the tour covers a lot of rooms that don 't mean much to a kid ( dancing rooms , sitting rooms , drawing rooms , meeting rooms , war rooms , etc . ) , so a bedroom was sort of the only tangible thing she could understand . Speaking of things that were confusing , when we were walking through the château , we kept encountering very , very strange pieces of art that didn 't belong . Next to some beautiful old ornamental candle holder , you would see a giant fiberglass man - eating plant , or * ahem * a generously proportioned anime babe ( whose clothing was not generously proportioned ) . As it turns out , Versailles had apparently teamed up with famous anime - style artist Takashi Murakami to put some of his art on display . It definitely added a weird , surreal aspect to the tour . We also took the little train out to the Domaine de Marie - Antoinette , and it was surprisingly cool ! The story goes that Marie - Antoinette wanted to " live as the peasants did " so she built this little estate on the grounds of Versailles . I thought , okay , who needs to see a farm ? However , that 's not what it was at all . Marie - Antoinette was so rich and protected that she was completely disconnected from reality ( this is the " let them eat cake lady , after all ) , and her " peasant farm " was sort of how you would imagine such a thing if you had only had it described to you through fairy tales ( and if you had an army of loyal servants to do the upkeep an make it seem nice ) . It was actually a really cool place , and definitely worth checking out ( at least it is if you have the museum pass and don 't need to pay anything extra to go see it ! ) We really liked Versailles . Sara and I both agreed that it was our favorite part of Paris . If you 're considering going out there ( it is a day trip from Paris ) , I would say you should definitely do it . It was well worth the trip . After a stressful train - ticket - buying experience , we managed to get back on the train to Paris . It was packed and we had lots and lots of bags . We were getting a lot of dirty looks from people for taking up so much space , but I don 't know what we could have done about it . We had to sit in two different seats with a kid on each of our laps and our bags , stroller , etc . pooled all around us . When it was time to get off the train we had to gather all of that up , manage the kids , and push past everybody to get off of the train before the doors closed . We barely made it on time . This , of course , was followed up by a long walk home loaded down like a pack mule . We were exhausted . We weren 't the only ones who were suffering . Oliver had developed a bad rash over his entire body , especially his chest , back and face , and he was just sort of not in a great mood . As I said he wasn 't really digging the ergo anymore , and didn 't really want to be carried around all day . For my part , I spent a lot of the day silently congratulating myself on how excellent my French was . It 's been more than 10 years since I took French , but I found myself able to read most of the signs and understand most of what was said to me . Sara , however , was not impressed . This was mostly due to the fact that 1 ) I wasn 't great with answering her specific questions about menu items , which are full of idiomatic expressions ( for example , you might be able to understand English perfectly well , but still not understand what " over easy , scrambled , or sunny side up " means in terms of eggs ) , and a lot of times I would freeze up when I actually needed to speak . There were numerous occasions where I understood the person perfectly well , but still couldn 't respond . Then , after the situation was over , I could think of all sorts of French I could have said . Oh well . Wednesday was the first day totally on our own , not meeting up with anybody who spoke French . Actually , it was kind of nice . We didn 't have to meet anybody at a certain time or anything , so we were able to go at our own pace . The Louvre is huge and crowded ! I 'm sure there are tucked away corners that you can catch your breath ( seriously , the place is huge ) , but we were looking to get in , hit the major sites , and get out . Apparently so was everybody else , especially the tour groups . The museum pass saved us from the massive line . We tried to go in the side entrance that nobody knows about , but they told us we couldn 't because we had a stroller ( I think maybe it was just because they thought we would want to use an elevator , but there was a little language problem ) . No problem though , we strolled passed the entire line with our museum pass . Sayonara , suckers ! This is Paris tip # 6 : buy a museum pass ! Even if you end up losing money on it , it is well worth it to skip all the lines ! ( I guess you could consider this tip 2A , since it is very much like buying a timed ticket for the Eiffel Tower ) On top of that though , if you make any effort whatsoever , I can 't imagine you would lose money on it . I think we saved over 50 € ( about $ 70 ) in museum admissions . Well worth the money ! I think the thing that Evie got the biggest kick out of was the Mona Lisa . I think that was the only one that was famous enough for Evie to have encountered before in her short little life . She definitely recognized it and gave an appropriate " Ooooh ! " when I lifted her up high enough to see it over everybody 's head ( did I mention it was crowded ? ) One thing that really annoyed me at the Louvre was the disrespect . Here we are amongst some of the most famous , priceless works of art in the world , and people just can 't stop touching it and taking flash photography . " This vase lasted 1 , 000 years , so I must get a picture of me touching it ! " How do people not realize that * everybody * thinks they are the one special person who is allowed to break the rules ? And if every person touches that vase , it 's not going to make it another 50 years , much less 1 , 000 . And there are signs everywhere about flash photography . If you don 't know how to turn off the flash on your camera , then just don 't take pictures . It 's not that important . Buy a post card , the picture is going to look nicer than your blurry , cheap , 50 - heads - blocking - my - shot picture anyway . But I saw you taking picture after picture , just flashing away . " Oh well , the rules don 't apply to me , but I 'm just one guy ! What kind of damage can my one camera do ? " It turned my stomach . ( I would also like to say that I don 't know what percentage of the people doing these things were American , certainly some percentage , but not the majority . I 'm looking at you Asia . ) After we were done with the Louvre , we needed some outside time , so we ran around in Tuileries , the big open park outside of the museum . It 's actually worth going to Tuileries even if you aren 't going to the museum , it 's a pretty nice park . In particular , you can see kids renting batteau ( boats ) and floating them in the pond . They have these really long sticks to push them away from the edge if they get too close . Evie liked watching the boats , but we tried not to hang around there too much because we didn 't want her to figure out that you could actually rent the boats . Next we had originally planned to go to Musée d ' Orsay , but we thought that might be a little much to do in a day . So instead we decided to go to the closer and smaller Musée de l ' Orangerie . It ended up being a wise choice ! We couldn 't completely skip the line with our museum pass , but we were able to go in an expedited line . This was really a gem of a museum . It was small , but the big draw are the extremely large water lilies by Monet . Everybody was really nice here . They practically forced us to take our stroller in ( at many museums you have to check them ) and stoic security guards would break their cover to tell us how to get to the secret elevators . We were pleasantly surprised at how nice of a museum it was ! Unfortunately , both kids fell asleep before we got to the water lilies . However , that did justify us going to l ' Orangerie instead of Orsay . Next up , we went back to Champs - Élysées to make another attempt to catch the marionette show . Evie LOVED it ! I thought I could sit by her and sort of explain what was going on , but I couldn 't understand anything . A true French marionette show requires a lot of participation by the kids , and Evie was right there with them yelling , " Oui ! Oui ! " when the other kids were yelling , even though she had no idea what she was saying . She was just giggling away . It was awesome ! I would never have guessed she would have liked it so much . All French marionette shows star a particular puppet named Guignol ( pronounced something like " Geen - yol " ) and there is always a lot of shouting for Guignol . This became a MAJOR theme of the trip , shouting " Guignol ! " at each other probably a hundred times a day . Evie also managed to snag a crêpe on the way , which she ate on a park bench . She loved " French pancakes " ( it was a traditional one , with just sugar ) and made grand plans for eating more of them . She was literally only eating bread - like things at this point , but she was willing to add crêpes to the line up , next to baguette and croissants . Eating nothing but bread is a crumby , messy way to go through life . Evie didn 't really hold herself responsible for that . We were complaining about the state of the floor under the table and Evie declared , " Someone even put crumbs under MY chair ! " For Oliver 's part , he was getting really sick of riding in the ergo ( the baby carrier we use ) . I think it was hot and sweaty , and he 's not used to being so tied up for most of the day . At home he gets some time to spread out and play a little bit . He was starting to get fussy every time we put him in there . Unfortunately , we didn 't have a lot of options ( though we put him in the stroller now and again , when we had the chance ) . A side note about the apartment : it feels really chintzy to leave everything almost used up . There were only 2 half rolls of toilet paper . Every cleaning supply ( including dish soap ) was just a finger 's breadth from the bottom . It could be coincidence that every single last thing was just about to run out when we got there , but I somehow doubt it . I really don 't want to accuse someone of emptying out dish soap and stealing toilet paper , but that 's what it felt like . Another scam somehow . If you don 't want your place to seem sleazy , just go through ahead of time and spend the $ 10 and stock up on a few things . It will be money well spent . ( Too bad we gotcha and took home the rest of the toilet paper we bought ! Looks like the shoe is on the other foot ! ) Two times during the day we were witness to some horrible incident that involved an ambulance . The first was while Sara was waiting in line in the Louvre gift shop . An old man collapsed like a ton of bricks and smashed his head onto the stone ground . She did eventually make it out of there , but there was quite a scene with a ring of people around the guy , trying to make him comfortable until the paramedics got there . We didn 't wait around to see what happened after that . However , a short while later , while we were waiting in the park for the marionettes to start , we heard some kind of commotion . Our best guess is that someone had found a body lying behind some hedges . Maybe a homeless man ? Or maybe something happened to someone that the guy was with ? We 're not sure . Anyway , he alerted a security guard who got the police who called for an ambulance , and there was another big scene . We couldn 't see the person from where we were standing , but there was definitely someone on the ground . Before the situation could resolve itself , we had to go in for the puppet show . I had to go to Brussels for the day , so I had to get up very early to take the train . In order to avoid waking everyone up , I slept on the couch in the living room ( side note , probably the biggest benefit of renting an apartment versus a hotel room , having a separate bedroom ) . Unfortunately , the apartment did not come equipped with an alarm clock . My phone didn 't work there , but Sara 's did . Unfortunately , it was on Chicago time , so I had to calculate what the correct time would be to set the alarm . I didn 't completely trust that , so I set a backup alarm in the form of a borrowed French cell phone . However , it turns out that the time wasn 't set right on that , and the alarm went off about 30 minutes after I fell asleep . So I had to re - set the time , using all - French menus , and I wasn 't feeling too sure about everything . All this anxiety caused me to not get very much sleep . In the meantime , Sara took the kids out all on her own . They spent some time walking around before eating lunch by the Panthéon . They met a man who was so delighted by Evie that he started blowing her big , French mwa ! mwa ! kisses . Afterwards , they visited the Center de la Mer ( an aquarium ) , and finally ended up at the Jardin du Luxembourg ( Luxembourg Garden ) . Jardin du Luxembourg is sort of like a weird kid 's paradise ( weird that it is a paradise for kids , not a paradise for weird kids ) . There are huge playgrounds , but you have to pay to play on them . It 's not too expensive though , and it 's worth it because the stuff they have to play on is truly awesome , and unlike anything I 've ever seen on a playground in the states . There are food vendors and carousels , and just a lot of cool kids ' stuff . People said that was a good place to take kids , and they were so right . Best place for kids in the city . Plus it was close to our apartment . Brussels went really well work - wise , better than I could have expected . I didn 't have much ( any ) time to see the city , but what I did see of it was not very impressive . Sara had been debating about whether to come to Belgium or not , and , in retrospect , I think she made the right choice in staying in Paris . I don 't think there is much of a comparison . We finished our business early , and we had about 3 hours before our train left . Rather than wait around with nothing to do , we hopped on a train just as it was leaving the station . Now , the train tickets work like plane tickets : you have assigned seats on a certain train . If you want to change that , you have to change your tickets ( and probably pay ) . So , being the goody two - shoes that I am , I was a little nervous about this ordeal . " Don 't worry about it , " said my boss , " most of the time they never check tickets anyway . And besides , the next stop is Paris . So if they throw us off , we 'll be in Paris anyway ! " We couldn 't go to our seats , since we didn 't have any , so we were just sort of hanging around in the hallway like vagabonds . A conductor came through and , just as I was about to get nervous , someone else stood up and blurted out , " I don 't have the right ticket , I was supposed to go on another train later . " The conductors took him off to be guillotined ( I assume ) , and we were safe for the moment . But it was very obvious that we didn 't have the correct tickets , or there would be no reason for us to be standing around where we were . " If he comes back , just act American , like you don 't know what you 're doing ! " said my boss . A few minutes later , the conductor came back and told us there were seats further in the car . Hey , he told us ! So we were home free . We were sitting in the very last seats in the very last car , which would explain why the conductors didn 't get back to check our tickets until we were just moments from pulling into the station in Paris . I started speaking loudly in English to sort of set the tone , but they immediately started conversing with my boss in French . It went something like this ( except in French ) : For my part , I just tried to look dumb and concerned , as if I had no idea what they were saying . In other words , American . The conductor seemed pretty annoyed . He told us that it was going to be a 93 € ticket ( about $ 130 ) . Yikes ! I think the only thing that saved us was that we were so close to Paris , that he didn 't want to take the time to write the ticket up . Whew ! So our luck held , and we got home 3 hours early . Another day , another 3 trips to the boulangerie . I bet they 're missing us now that we 're gone . We started noticing that the final price was always less than we expected . Obviously we weren 't complaining , since it was cheaper , but it always surprised us . Eventually we figured out that the food got cheaper through the day , as it became less fresh . So this leads to Paris tip # 5 , don 't buy your food in advance ! It 's so much better fresh , and everything is set up in such a way to make it easy for you to get things fresh . And on top of that , it gets cheaper through the day ! So don 't go in the morning and buy bread and deserts for supper , wait until you 're on your way home ( the downside is , you have less selection at the end of the day ) . Going out of the country with kids definitely changes the whole dynamic . People everywhere go out of the way to talk to you or help you ( or judge you for not having socks on your baby … some things are the same no matter where you are ) ( And can I just mention , he had socks but he can kick them off like nobody 's business ! The streets of Paris claimed 3 socks from us . ) ( And by the way , it was like 70 ! ) , even when they can 't speak English ( although , it turns out , very , very few people in Paris can 't speak English ) . Evie and Oliver can charm people across language barriers . This made the trip just totally different than when Sara and I have been out of the country on our own . Much more social . One other thing to mention , and that is in relationship to the homeless people of Paris . First off , there 's not nearly as many as you would expect in a city the size of Paris . I probably saw less than I see in my neighborhood . Second off , the vast majority of the homeless people have dogs ! This was strange to me . It just seems like you 're struggling to take care of yourself , why add another dependent ? On the other hand , maybe the dogs are so cute they make you so much extra money , that they end up more than paying for themselves . This seemed to be the case . Finally , the poor people of France seem to be extremely hard working ! Everywhere you go , you see people selling crap , playing the accordion in the metro , or at the very least trying to run some scam about how they are deaf and dumb and need help . Very rarely do you see people just standing around begging ( the traditional mode of bums around my house ) . The only ones I saw truly begging were a few outside of churches with some obvious physical ailment ( in other words , people who , in a sense , truly deserve it ) . I think my favorite were the ones who collected chestnuts from the ground and then roasted them in trash cans perched in their shopping carts . I don 't know how much they were selling them for ( or who would buy them ) , but you have to admit , that is ingenuity ! Considering the size of Paris , and the amount of it that we covered , it was amazing that we never really saw a bad neighborhood or a situation that felt unsafe . I had no problem taking the metro or walking all over everywhere , day or night . Good work Paris ! |
Hmmm , wow , this is really personal . I 'm not at all sure that I should be putting this out there . Of course , if you 've known me for more than 20 years you may or may not already know the basics . Obviously it has taken me a while to get here . I kept telling myself that I just didn 't feel like blogging . Seriously , I just didn 't feel like blogging this . Also , I only have about a quarter page after this written . It really does get better from here . This is just the biggest molehill we had hit so far and I 've struggled with writing the rest . Really , ( spoiler alert ) this is the climax and from here the falling action is just a bunch of lovey dovey , let 's get married crap . Well , apparently I 'm willing to sacrifice dignity for . . . wait , what is this for ? Fame , fortune , no . My " craft " , perhaps . Attention , maybe , but as I cringe , I 'm guessing that 's not it in this case anyway . I guess I just don 't care all that much about my dignity . If you could not mention to my husband that I 've thrown him under the bus as well , that would be great . So , here goes . . . We 'd come full circle , back to New Year 's Eve , although this time I was pretty sure I would have a date . I just had no idea how that date would end . The big dance was to be held at Fiesta Mall in Mesa . The church , the institute , someone … had rented Fiesta Mall in order to keep our precious young adults off the streets on NYE . Of course , they 'd gone to the best to dj the dance and our buddy Dennis performed admirably as always . He was there with his adorable wife , Alisa . They had been pretty wrapped up in each other and hadn 't really been on the single scene anymore , so we hadn 't seen them for a while . When we went up to say hi , David and I were holding hands . Dennis was in shock . I honestly don 't know how this could have slipped past him , but he really was surprised that we were dating . I 'll leave that to him to explain . We hung out with our friends , danced , and wandered the open areas of the mall . Finally , a year later , I got that midnight kiss from the one person with whom I had hoped to share it . We had a lovely evening and played and had fun . We seemed to be getting closer to each other with each passing minute , which is probably why now suddenly seemed like the time to talk about our feelings . Oh , feelings . Why do they always have to get in the way ? In my mind , we were getting pretty serious . I did now possess a ring that had " I love you , David ' 90 " inscribed in it . I thought there was no way I could have a secret from this guy . I decided now was the time to tell him that I had kissed his friend while he was away . It wasn 't really a big deal , after all to quote a famous dork , " We were on a break ! " However , I didn 't want that guy to know something that David didn 't . We got to my house after the dance and sat in the car " talking " for a while . I finally mustered up the courage to tell him . He was upset and I was upset and then we laughed about it and kissed and made up . Then he told me that he had something he wanted to tell me as well . Deep Breath ! Did I remember back when that I am about to press enter and put this onto the interwebs like a crazy person . Here goes . . . Posted by I read once ( on another blog , whose writer was probably jealous of certain blogs that we all know and love ) that " Mormon " blogs are so lame because they only show one side of life . They are always positive and never let the reader see that their lives are not perfect . ( If you never read " Seriously , So Blessed " you should look and see if it 's still up . I heard the writer stopped . It is a hilarious spoof on the Mormon blog ) I think I 'm somewhere in the middle . I 'm definitely far from perfect and don 't try to appear so . However , I also think , who wants to listen to Debbie Downer all of the time ? So I sometimes vent here and sometimes not . A little history , when we moved to So Pho , we continued to go to our family dentist that we had for years . Things were fine . After moving to Chandler , we decided that Phoenix was a little far to drive to go to the dentist , especially considering the plethora of dentists here . There is an awesome dentist in our ward . If anyone needs a dentist , go see Marshall Hanson at Fountains Family Dental . He rocks ! David went to Dr . Hanson and had fabulous work done to repair some old dental work . He bought their firm insurance and paid about the same that our insurance would have required . It was a big job . Anyway , I took the girls to Dr . Hanson . They love him just like everyone else does . He is very gentle and kind . Unfortunately , the insurance didn 't make nearly the same dent in the cost of Lauren 's 6 cavities and Emma 's sealant that she needs . So , we had to find someone different . I searched the listings on the insurance website . The few reviews that I could find for dentists on the list were not good . Most , I couldn 't find anything about . The several dentists that I know where not on the list . Frustration ! Finally , I found a pediatric dentist that had good reviews and called them to set up an appointment . During the phone call the receptionist pointed out that since they specialized , instead of the insurance paying 80 % , they would pay 20 % . This wouldn 't work for me . I started looking again . I finally found a dentist that I hadn 't noticed before , right down the street . I made the appt . We waited 2 weeks for Lauren to get home from Utah . This morning we got up and went to the dentist . I sat filling out sheet after sheet of paper work . I talked to the receptionist about the insurance that we have . We had discussed it on the phone . SRP uses Delta and EDS . We have EDS . I 'm not sure how this became confusing . Lauren is now in the chair , getting xrays and finding out that in the past 3 months , even more cavities have developed . The receptionist calls EDS and while they are partners with the parent company , this dentist is not in their network . Somehow , I managed to get their address and phone number from my insurance web site , but they will not pay for the dental work . I pay for the work they have done so far on Lauren , but she still has a mouth full of cavities , Emma still doesn 't have sealants , and I still have to go home and find ANOTHER different dentist for them to go to , all in the 2 weeks before school starts . I really wanted to punch someone in the face ! So , I 'm back from Utah . Except that I 've actually been back for over a week . Instead of staying up in Koosharem for the 4th , we thought that my mom had a heart attack and came home on the 26th . So we 've been spending time with the rest of the family that came to town and fighting with Mom to not overdo , when she is a classic overdoer . In my family , we have always gotten together with the extended Bogle family on Christmas Eve and then had a quieter Christmas at home and visiting my Pickering grandparents . After Grandpa Pickering died , Grandma would usually come to our house , or even sometimes come to dinner at Grandma and Grandpa Bogle 's . This was a big to - do . All of the cousins that lived in town and often the ones who didn 't would gather for a traditional Mexican dinner of tamales and chalupa . I 'm not exactly sure where our chalupa comes from , but it is heaven . Start with a base of corn tortilla chips , top with the chalupa ( pork , pinto beans , and green chili ) and all the fixings , cheese , lettuce , tomato , avocado , salsa , sour cream . Later in the evening , Grandma would bust out the ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins . Every year , without fail , this was Christmas Eve dinner . This year , I had let my Grandma know that I would have a guest coming with me . Oh My Gosh ! ( To paraphrase The Fantastic Mr . Fox , It 's kind of a big deal , so don 't just say okay . ) This was David meeting my entire family . Think My Big Fat Greek Wedding except in a parallel universe where everyone is kind of midwesternish and less dancy . Now would probably be the time to mention the missing member of my family . My older brother , the one who had teased me and tormented me and overprotected me from other boys , was in the army , stationed in Germany . We were in a constant state of waiting to hear if he was deployed to fight against Saddam Hussein . His wife and daughter were with him , probably wondering a lot more than we were . At least I didn 't have to worry about anyone commenting on the size of my plate in relation to the size of other things . In my opinion , the evening at Grandma and Grandpa 's went well . We had the traditional tearing into the presents from relatives . Grandma wrapped up a bag full of pistachios for David . He seemed appreciative . I 'm sure my Grandma wondered about that too , what to gift this boy who really hadn 't been defined as yet . Of course , Ijaust . me So , about a week later , we 're at his sister Karen 's house for Thanksgiving dinner . Everything was going swimmingly , ya , that 's a good word , swimmingly . His family was all very nice . Of course , I 'd already met his Mom and Dad spending time at their house . ( Actually meeting them for the first time has dissolved from my memory . ) Now I got to meet his older sister and her 6 kids . She had just had a baby about a week and a half before , and was now hosting Thanksgiving dinner at her house . Ya , that 's not intimidating . David 's other sister was in rehab at the time . I held the baby and enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner . New for me , to have stuffing with nuts in it and things just slightly skewed from the traditional dinner I was used to and had never experienced with another family before . The little kids ran all over the house . This part was my element , having 7 younger siblings myself . It was all very family and holiday . David was sweet and I was happy . Now , you can see that our holiday history was sort of hit and miss and of course we had the biggie right around the corner . " Christmas is coming the goose is getting fat . " My dad loved to sing this little ditty and remind me of the way I would sing it as a little girl . " Tristmas is toming , the doose is detting fat . " This year , I stressed about what to do with this semi - permanent boyfriend . I thought things were getting more serious , but I had thought that before . What do you get for the person you want to spend every minute for time and all eternity with ? And what is he going to read into it ? And what will he get me ? ( Not that he has to get me anything . ) And what will it mean ? I finally decided to get David a nice , brand - name sweatshirt . I put everything I felt about our relationship into the packaging . I picked out a nice , masculine , striped wrapping paper . I gently wrapped tissue around the article inside the crisp , square box . I lined up the stripes so that they matched perfectly , wrapped ribbon around , and attached a large bow . It was perfect . One day , I came home from work at the local radio shack to find my beautiful present destroyed . The story was that my little brother had unwrapped the present because it was so pretty . ( He was about 8 . Something was fishy and I didn 't really buy it , but the parallels with my relationship were pretty eerie . I just hoped that this was not foreshadowing . Posted by So , life went on with David and me going to movies , dancing , hanging out with friends , etc . And by etc , I mean there was some kissing going on . We were a little old fashioned . Exclusive dating meant that a kiss goodnight was once again a part of the plan . We were actually pretty good at this part and thought that practice would make us even better . We were right . We would practice at his house , my house , in his driveway , my driveway , but perhaps my favorite was the stop light kiss . The implication , of course , was that we couldn 't stand to not kiss , even long enough to drive down the street . David was actually quite good at knowing how long a stop light would last . We only got honked at once or twice . As the holidays approached , David told me that a friend of his from his mission in Alaska was coming to visit . He would need to spend a little time with her , yes , her . Long Pause . I could be an understanding girlfriend . After all , we were in a loving , somewhat committed relationship , right ? I was the one invited to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family at his sister 's house . I really , really tried to think positive thoughts , and not so much about the rocky past of our relationship . Unfortunately , the brain will have thoughts that the mind does not want to have . On the Friday night that David was supposed to spend with " Alaska girl " , ( shouldn 't there be a rule against the Friday night friend visit ? ) I ended up staying home . ( Somehow , asking why we couldn 't all just hang out together never crossed my mind . ) Later , that evening , a little before 10 o ' clock , David called to tell me that he 'd taken her home , and asked if he could come over . Silly , naïve me , took this for a good sign , my sweet boyfriend wanted to hang out with me and had taken this intruder home early . Of course , I agreed that David should come over and when he arrived , we went for a walk outside . I lived in a little agricultural enclave where tamarisk and eucalyptus trees grew at least 80 feet tall and the old redneck joke about turning jaust . me So on the way back from camp , with Megan , Lauren , Emma , and Matti in the car , we decided to stop for a little bit in Pine . The Strawberry festival was going on and we couldn 't resist . We were all in pajama pants , hadn 't showered , probably didn 't smell very good , and didn 't really care . This is pretty much what it looked like . It reminded me of one of my favorite fair foods ever ( which Elise knows the true name of ) that are best doused with malt vinegar and salt . Well , they didn 't have vinegar , but they had a wide variety of flavored salts , including vinegar flavored . While I rushed off to find a restroom , the girls decided to make it a sampler with a variety of the different salts . Later , I tried it and was underwhelmed . The potatoes were thicker and softer than I was expecting , which was more the original curly chips , like this : So the girls are eating the lame - o tornado potato and we head down to the infamous delicious homemade ice cream shop . We pause to read the myriad of signs on the door , including one that says something to the effect of , No sodas , not even cans , we sell soda here . Ok , none of us has a drink , so I figure , we 're good , and we head inside . The girl behind the counter immediately starts asking Lauren about the potato on a stick . " Where did you get it ? " " That 's so cool . " " Is it good ? " Then the little old lady comes out from the back room . She pats Lauren on the shoulder and says , " Honey , I 'm gonna give you a tip . You don 't take food from one establishment into another . Just a little tip for you . " I 'm thinking , " There is a festival going on outside your door . You do not sell fries , potatoes , or anything other than ice cream and desserts . I 'm buying ice cream for everyone in my group . How does this potato affect you ? " I didn 't think it was quite like having my kid bring her happy meal into dinner at McCormick & Schmick . But , I bit my tongue . Then the people next to us were discussing buying ice cream for their grandson , who couldn 't eat the cone . They said , " We 'd like one scoop of strawberry in a bowl , please . " She replied , " Do you want to get the child 's cone ? It 's smaller and cheaper . " They responded , " Well , he can 't eat the cone , but . . . " Ice Cream Nazi interjects , " That wasn 't the question . " I chose this picture specifically because you can 't really see any faces and I don 't need anyone 's permission . I just wanted to write a little blurb about what I did last week . In April I was thoroughly enjoying myself teaching a little class at church and avoiding anything really hard . Right before my birthday , the Bishop called me in and asked if I 'd be the new young women 's president , since ours was moving away . I had carefully avoided being asked to go to girls camp , knowing that camping in tents was a little more " back to nature " than I really wanted to get . Apparently , avoidance was no longer an option and I was going to Long Valley , AZ with 9 first years , 3 second years , one 3rd year , 2 4th yrs who would join us later , and 6 ycls ( youth camp leaders ) who would wave to us as they walked by with their charges . One of the newbies and one of the ycls were my very own girls . Everyone told me that it would be cold and possibly wet . I continually checked the weather channel app on my phone . I bought a new sleeping bag , I took a blanket and extra socks . There was a very dedicated lady called as Camp Director and a super organizer called as Food Specialist . I even managed to finagle it so that my little sister went with me . ( ok , Meg , it wasn 't really me who sent you there , but I was sure glad you were there . ) These people ran things , and I was just there as a warm body to help corral girls and put away dishes . Driving to camp , listening to loud music , I started to think this might actually be fun . We were pumped and the girls were all so sweet . I felt sure I could handle this . I didn 't even notice that backs of my hands burning under the windshield as I drove . When we got to camp , everyone pitched in to help get set up . All of the girls were so cooperative and helpful . I was in heaven ! We sat down in the cool mountain air to eat the lunches we had packed . It didn 't phase me in the least that we were the last ward to arrive , the last camp set up , and had the most girls . We finished our lunches in plenty of time to show up for orientation , and I was happy ! After dinner , we went out to a little stage in the woods and enjoyed a presentation , silly camp songs and all . I noticed that it was starting to get a little chilly , but not really a big deal with my nice warm hoodie on . I did talk to a dear friend of mine who had gone up the day before to help get camp ready . She had frozen the night before and hadn 't slept at all . I thought , " This poor dear must not have a super , low - rated , xl sleeping bag like mine . I 'll let her use my blanket tonight so that she can get some sleep . Ah , warm feeling inside . By the time we got back to camp and cheerily prepared for bed , the warm feeling had dissipated and I was feeling cold . The thought of changing into pajamas was a bit daunting . I put on my warmest jammie pants , a long sleeve shirt , put my hoodie back on and thought about how wonderful it was that someone had sent up some hand warmers for us to use . I climbed into my xl sleeping bag and quickly realized that a mummy bag is not designed for an xl woman . I could barely zip the zippers up all the way around my shoulders and it was difficult to move . Not only that , but my face was freezing when it was exposed to the air and I couldn 't breathe when my face was inside the bag ! The hand warmer did keep what ever part of me it was touching warm , but that was about it . Someone had suggested putting our clothes for the next day in the bottom of our sleeping bag to keep them warm . They were cold . Although I was told later that I may have snored , just a little bit , it felt like I didn 't sleep at all . I got up some time in the middle of the night to go to the lovely porta - john . It was a wee bit cold . Teeth chattering , I headed back to the tent , rummaged through my suitcase and put on another pair of pajama pants and another hoodie , then crawled back into my tight sleeping bag . It didn 't help AT ALL . I did figure out around this time that if I slid way down into my bag , I could curl up in a ball and turn . Somehow , the middle of the bag was wider , like it was built for a very slender , yet pregnant person . However , I still had that claustrophobic , lack of breathing problem . So it was defrost face inside sleeping bag , lower bag , gasping for air and freeze , hide back inside bag . In the morning I wondered how I would ever survive the day after having gotten no sleep at all . Line dancing for morning exercises did not improve my mood . I don 't know what it is , I just cannot bring myself to line dance . I think being one child of 10 makes my desire for individuality overly strong . Back in camp , clean clothes and pancakes for breakfast cheered me up somewhat . I decided to go on the 1st year hike . Seeing as how we had 9 1st years and it would be the easiest hike , it seemed like the thing to do . We set off with our packed lunches , water bottles , and scriptures ( mine on my ipod , because David never did find mine ) . It was a lovely hike , more of a nature walk , really . We walked down the road for about half an hour , stopped to eat lunch , play games , and read scriptures then followed the ravine back to camp . The best reason to go on this hike is , that now I qualified for a shower . I waited for most of the girls to finish , which meant that my shower was rather cold , but a little longer than most and quite refreshing . As the afternoon wore on , I started to worry about how I would cope with another freezing cold night of no sleep . I think I forgot to mention that in the morning several of the girls thought that the hand - washing water spigot was broken . When they asked one of the men in camp to fix it , he quickly realized that the actual problem was the water was frozen . It was COLD ! ! ! I managed to get a hold of 3 hand warmers and a tip to slide them between 2 pairs of socks , plus an extra sleeping bag that I unzipped and tried to share with Megan . In my sleep addled brain I managed to steal the whole thing apparently . I put on an extra long sleeve shirt and wore my fleece headband to bed . I slept like a BABY , the ones that sleep all night long and are really warm . It was beautiful and I felt eternally grateful to all who had participated in assisting me toward that goal . The day before we had found out that some of our newbies were also cold during the night . One of the actual camp leaders went to find out what the problem was . One of the girls hadn 't actually gotten into her sleeping bag and one had forgotten the ever - so - important sleeping mat that had been strongly suggested to bring . She tried to rearrange the girls so that they could sleep better and perhaps later than the 5am they had woken up the first morning . She must have succeeded somewhat , because when I got up about 6 : 15 , they were still asleep . I crawled back into my bag and slept for another hour . This day I had volunteered to drive some of the older girls out to their hike site . I figured this way I could get to a store to purchase more hand warmers and whatever else might keep me warm . When I got back after dropping them off , I found one of our girls had gotten sick . We stewed about what to do and decided to have the young lady call and talk to her parents to make a decision . I left the other leaders to deal with this issue as I headed off to town and to pick up my 3rd years . At the gas station I ended up at , I got more cups for the camp , hand and foot warmers for myself , Emma , and Lauren ( I completely forgot about Megan . What a jerk ! ) They also had a hat with ear flaps , which I snatched up , and some sprite for my little sicky . By the time I got back to camp , I found that she had already gone home . I gave Lauren and Emma their warmers . Emma was wrapped up in Megan 's blanket , she had apparently lost hers ( it turned up later in the bottom of her sleeping bag . ) She asked Megan if she could borrow her blanket and Megan replied , " Sure , if your mom will give me the extra sleeping bag . AAagghhh ! Now I 'm either a terrible mom and a mean sister or a popsicle ! I took the nice , warm sleeping bag and put it over Emma and her newbie neighbor , returned Megan 's blanket and borrowed another extra sleeping bag . Unfortunately , this one was a mummy bag and unzipping it would have done nothing . I laid it sideways across Meg and I and told her to skooch in . She replied , " Hey did you remember to pick up hand warmers in town ? " I swallowed and said , " Yep . " I handed her my extra pair of hand warmers ( Sorry Megan , but it is true . I had bought myself two sets . I am awful ! ) I settled in , prepared to freeze . Luckily this was the warmest night so far . Thank Heaven ! It was very cold , and I woke up a lot , but I did get some sleep and was comforted that the morning would involve taking down camp and heading home for a warm shower and a warm bed . The next day , David called . He asked about Matt and how we knew each other . I told him that ever since I met Matt in the line to buy student season tickets for the BYU football games , I felt like I had known him forever . He was just one of those people that you 're pretty sure you knew in the pre - existence . We went dancing a lot in UT , but hadn 't dated . I had given him a watch for Christmas , and he had given me a sweater . Not really a big deal . ( Sort of ) He also sang When in Rome 's " The Promise " to me once in the café when he had hurt my feelings somehow , but I didn 't mention that , right then . During this very phone call , David told me that he thought we shouldn 't see other people anymore . We should be exclusive . Hmm , funny how things change ! I didn 't even go out with this guy , but I got an extreme feeling of goose / ganderism going on . However , when it boiled right down to it , being exclusive with David was exactly what I wanted . So , I agreed . David began this silly little game of telling me that he really " liked " me , and in fact , maybe even " loked " me ( a cross between love and like , of course ) . The " loke " joke went on for what seemed like ever . I was pretty well smitten by this time and could quite easily acknowledge to myself that I was head over heels in love with David . There was no way , no how , no siree that I was ever going to admit that to him unless he said it first . I was a 1st class chicken , maybe even a little bit burnt . After many conversations about this , one night he broke down and actually said it . Something like , " Monique , I 'm pretty sure that I do actually sort of love you . " My response , " What did you say ? " " I said that I love you . " Now , suddenly , after months of up and down and back and forth and joy and pain and sunshine and rain ( Oh , wait , I got off track there . ) Anyway , now it was really awkward to be in this situation of , for the first time ever in my life , telling someone that I was not related to that I loved them . " Oh , um , ( suddenly my throat is vPosted by Just to clarify , we 're getting back to the story and things that happened over 20 years ago . Now of course would be the perfect time for David to meet a new girl . He called one night and told me that he hoped that I wouldn 't be too upset , but he really thought that we were getting too serious and that we should see other people . Of course , I was not going to act upset in front of him , but I 'm pretty sure I cried myself to sleep again that night . I was well aware that " see other people " was code for " I met a girl . " Sure enough , it wasn 't long before David told me that he had a date with a girl named Aisha . Who names their kid Aisha , anyway ? What kind of stupid name is Aisha ? ( Sorry if your name is Aisha . Unless you happen to be about 37 and from Gilbert , AZ . Then , I 'm not sorry ! Your name is stupid , and so are you . ) David then informed me that he didn 't want to hide anything from me and he would be telling me about any other girl he went out with . Was this some bizarre form of torture , or just a way of eliminating future baby girl names ? David and I still went out . Kissing was off again . I was very annoyed . About 2 weeks later , I got a call from a friend of mine from BYU . His name was Matt . Matt was currently serving a mission in Arkansas . Missionaries aren 't really supposed to call people other than their families on Mother 's Day and Christmas . Matt and I had been very good friends during the short semester that I had stayed at Brigham Young University before I got chased away by the cold . We never dated , but I can 't say it hadn 't crossed my mind . Shockingly , he had shown some interest in dating Mary , but she didn 't return the sentiment . Since I 'd left , we had exchanged several letters . He even sent me a very sweet valentine . We had also made " the bet " . You know , the one where if you 're not married by the time I get home from my mission I owe you dinner , if you are married , you owe me and a girl of my choice dinner . I never did buy him dinner . Anyway , Matt must have been feeling Posted by I looked at the next section of " the story " to see if I could post that today for our anniversary . I 'm just gonna go with , no . So , we 'll stick with this adorable picture of the super - hot guy that I married 20 years ago today . It 's been an adventurous 20 years . We have some beautiful kids and some crazy memories . I do wish you hadn 't shaved your head though . Look how gorgeous that hair is ! Just a few things I love about you : 1 . I love your blue / green eyes . 2 . I love how much you love your daughters . 3 . I love how much they love you . 4 . I love unannounced back rubs . 5 . I love that you are dedicated to your job . 6 . I love that you will spontaneously break out into dance . 7 . I love when you hold my hand . 8 . I love your voice . 9 . I love that you do the dishes when I make dinner . 10 . I love that you like to surprise me . 11 . I love that you like to watch sytycd . 12 . I love when you flare your nostrils . 13 . I love that you love your parents . 14 . I love that you wear the blue , flowered tie I bought you . 15 . I love that you read my books . 16 . I love that you look really good in blue , and red , and green , and gray , and brown and salmon . 17 . I love when you get silly . 18 . I love that you clean when you are mad . 19 . I love that you like my cooking . 20 . I love that you love me ! In July , my parents wanted me to drive up to our cabin in Pinetop and bring some things home for them . I asked if some friends could come along . They were probably a little worried , but by this time , I was 20 years old and so they agreed . Of course , I asked Mary , and I asked David if he wanted to come and bring a friend . His cousin agreed to come along and we all set off . I 'm sure that this trip was a mistake from the get - go , although it was all rather innocent . I think I 've blocked most of it from my memory . I remember playing checkers in the Arizona room ( screen porch ) , and then I remember standing out at the wood pile , chucking wood as hard as I could into the shed ( where it wouldn 't get wet in the winter time ) . I don 't really remember what made me so mad , but I 'm pretty sure that David was not behaving how I expected him to . He did come out to the wood pile to see what was wrong , and apologized for whatever he might have done to upset me . The fact that he didn 't know made me even madder , and I just kept right on heaving that wood into the shed . He practically ( but not actually ) dragged me back inside and spent a while trying to cajole me out of my bad mood . By the time we got home from that ill - fated trip , I was pretty sure it was time to break up again . This time , I was really angry and didn 't want an insensitive jerk for a boyfriend anyway ! I told him so and he spent the next several weeks trying to prove me wrong . He would drive down to visit me at my big Radio Shack job and drive several miles out of his way to get the good mint hot chocolate at AM / PM . ( This was pre - Starbucks . ) We would hang out and talk . He would offer me back rubs , which who can turn down ? He was attentive , sweet , and still gorgeous and eventually we made up and were dating again . Oh yeah , and his eyes were blue when he was playful and green when he was passionate . This post is part of the story of David and I , but it is really about this little boy who is now married and has a little boy of his own , plus one on the way . My youngest brother , Tyson was about 3 years old at this time . This is only weird if you 're not Mormon . Ty was my little angel . Due to an odd number of girls living at home at the time , and me getting really annoyed with some of my sisters ' sleeping habits ( e . g . leaving the light on or sleeping with the radio on . You know who you are ! ) Ty and I shared a bedroom . Being the tiny little boy that he was , sometimes he would still wake up in the middle of the night and want his Mommy . At first , when he woke up crying , I would take him to my Mom 's bedroom and drop him off . Eventually , it just became way easier to have him crawl into bed with me . He was my little buddy . One day , my parents had taken several of the kids over to Grandma 's house to go swimming . Mom had gone inside and Dad was outside with the kids . He hollered to the kids that it was time to get out of the pool and get cleaned up . Ty obviously thought that " get cleaned up " meant to wander around with a towel on your head . Meanwhile , Dad was having a conversation with Grandpa and completely missed Ty wandering into the pool . The towel on his head silenced the splash , and down he went . After a couple of minutes , Dad started looking around for Tyson and found him on the bottom of the pool . The paramedics were called and Ty was air - evac - ed to Good Samaritan Hospital in Phoenix . My parents called me at Radio Shack where I was working at my glamorous job . Freaking out , I raced home . Mom and Dad were rushing to get everything settled so they could head up to Phoenix to be with Tyson . My dad knew that David lived right down the street from the hospital and asked me if I would call him to go over and give Ty a blessing right away . I did and he did . He and his dad went over and gave Ty a blessing and waited for my parents to arrive ( we lived about ½ hour away from the hospital , in good traffic ) . We wPosted by There will be no alternating blog subjects this week . I have had a little on my plate this week . I am also not changing the photo on my last post yet , either . I am also not going to explain the title and photo that are attached to this post . Apparently I 'm a little defiant today ! Let 's just say that there were some overly mushy conversations going on that just sound silly when written down , but were oh , so dreamy at the time . Aleruaro / Getty Images / SambaPhotoAround this time , I 'm pretty sure that the kissing issue came up again . I really enjoyed kissing David , and he seemed to have a good time as well . Unfortunately , that little talk about not getting serious kept popping up in the back of my head . One night , Mary and I went to a dance in Scottsdale , David asked if we wanted to " swing by " his house in downtown Phoenix afterwards to say hello since he had some reason he couldn 't go that night . Of course , we did go by . David was being silly and referring to himself as Charlie Brown , since he was so " wishy - washy " . I told him that I didn 't think I should kiss someone who was wishy - washy , and so , he kept trying to kiss me . I resisted , turned away , laughed , and was dying inside . I wanted to kiss that boy so badly , but I didn 't love his terms , which seemed to be that as long as I was the one there , he wanted to be with me , but he wasn 't really sure that he might not want to be with a different girl on another night . Not cool ! In June , David went with his family up to their house in Koosharem , UT . He planned to be gone for about three weeks . Ugh , loneliness ! He informed me that he would write to me , if I would write to him . I could just address the letters to him Koosharem , UT 84604 and they would get there . I thought this was crazy and couldn 't fathom the small town where this would be sufficient address . He called me a few times and talked about sweet , romantic nothings like how if I walked outside , we would be looking at the same moon . He told me that his family didn 't have a phone at their UT house and he would have to walk down to the store and call from the pay phone ( actually true ) , so we couldn 't talk for very long . He told me he missed me , and asked me on a date for the evening he got back . Of course , our mutual friend called to remind me of my incessant stupidity . He asked what I was doing on Saturday night , and I was so pleased to tell him that David had called from UT to ask me on a date . Now by this time , I wPosted by The next day , my " friend " called to warn me again about how unwise it was for me to continue seeing David . He taught me a new phrase , " burn me once , shame on you . Burn me twice , shame on me . " I had really never heard it before , but I wasn 't completely sure that it was inaccurate . Of course , it didn 't really change anything about my feelings . David came home from LV brimming with talk about a girl named Jacque . I hated her already . Until I found out that she was probably about to be engaged to good ol ' Scott . Suddenly , I couldn 't wait to meet this sweet girl ( who probably would not be cool with her fiancé bowling every Saturday ) . For the next few weeks , David and I saw each other at dances and would often get together for a movie . We had a lot of laughs watching " Joe vs . the Volcano " together and David took to referring to himself as a " flibber - de - jibbit " . This didn 't really do my heart any good , but what is a girl to do ? Meanwhile , my birthday was fast approaching , May 1st , May Day . I had always LOVED my birthday and looked forward to it with child - like glee . David began telling me stories of how he had always tried to buy people 's love , like , with a Guess jacket for a former girlfriend or ruby earrings for another one . He was so glad to have a relationship with a girl who he felt so comfortable with that he didn 't have to buy her affections . Hmmm ! ? . How to take that ? Was I really that wonderful friend , everybody feels close to , or was he just being cheap because I wasn 't really all that important ? My birthday rolled around and David showed up with a gift , inside I found a mission journal and filler . Let me ' splain . If you 're not LDS , when a young Mormon decides to go on a church mission , one of the things that they take with them is a " mission journal " to record all of their experiences . Boys generally go on their missions when they are 19 and girls can go after they turn 21 if they choose . ( Remember , David getting home from his mission in Alaska ? ) My friend Mary and I had Posted by A friend of mine on facebook asked a question about blessing gowns the other day . I started to think about the idea of blessing gowns and the ones I have for my daughters . Should they be something formal that they can pass down to their children or more casual that they can actually wear more than once ? Does it matter who makes it ? A family member ? A factory worker in Thailand ? My sister - in - law 's family has one dress that all of the little girls wear . My thought is how far out does that extend ? When your great - grandniece gets blessed , do you send her the dress , or what ? What do you think ? So , it was 1994 and I was a big fan of Battenburg lace . I was also a little unsure of myself as a seamstress . Lauren 's blessing gown is a pretty simple little shift with lace sleeves and inserts and pin tucks on the bodice . It was very sweet on her and pretty much swallowed her , even though she weighed almost 10 pounds at birth . I hope she likes it . Emma was born in 1998 and my tastes had evolved . I wanted a more traditional , long , draping down to the ground type of dress . Forget the fact that she was born in December and it was still pretty cold when she was blessed . So , yes , she was all wrapped up in a blanket . Also , my sewing confidence had grown and so , of course , I messed it up . I kind of extended the pattern , but I didn 't think to gradually widen the skirt as it got longer . So , basically , it 's like a long ( but still pretty ) tube . It has lace and puffed inserts and pretty lace at all the edges . I hope she likes it . Around 1996 , I think that I was having second thoughts about Lauren 's blessing gown . ( Although what good would that do ? ) Anyway , I made another dress , this one is cream , not white , but still that type of style . It has smocking on the bodice and sleeves , insertion lace and ribbon , and lace trim on scalloped edges . The only problem now is Lauren has 2 dresses and Emma has one . Posted by Sorry , I 've been so irresponsible in posting this past week . I went with the YM / YW to Youth Conference in Flagstaff . Let 's just say , sometimes I 'm pretty stupid , and I have a lot of fun doing it . The conference was great and contrary to popular report , I didn 't get arrested by the military police . But , I really think it 's time to get back to my story , so here goes . . . March turned into April and David filled me in on plans that he had to go with his friend Scott to Las Vegas . He would be gone for about a week . I worried about David on his bachelor weekend , but reminded myself that he wasn 't my boyfriend and I didn 't have any claim on him . I wondered what to do with myself . Since I had been spending so much time with David , all of my other friends had plans . Out of the blue , a mutual friend of David 's and mine , who shall remain nameless , called me . He knew David was out of town and asked if I was going to the dance . I told him that I didn 't really have anyone to go with and didn 't want to go alone . He offered me a ride . I thought it was a little odd since he lived about an hour from me and the dance was half an hour back the other way . After the dance , he 'd have to drive me home and then an hour back home himself . It was so nice of him , maybe a little too nice . I tried not to over think it . This guy had a history in my mind of trying a little too hard . My friend came to pick me up and we drove to Scottsdale to the dance . Dennis was deejaying which he did less often since he 'd gotten married . I looked forward to dancing to good music with a lot of my old friends . We had a good time , and then helped Dennis load his equipment up , and we went to get some food . It was pretty late when we got to my house , about 2 : 30 in the morning . My friend said he wasn 't ready to drive all the way back home yet and asked if he could come in . We sat in the living room , laughing and joking . Somehow with the lateness of the hour and our teasing conversation , we started to talk about how you can tell if you 're a good kisser or not . My friend dared me to kiss him to prove that I could kiss well . My pride was at stake in my tired mind , so I did . He actually kissed pretty well and I hadn 't kissed anyone for a long time . We kissed for a while until I started to realize what I was doing . He told me that I 'd proved my point , that I could definitely kiss , and laughed it off . I saw him out Posted by Okay , this is gonna get embarrassing , for me , and most definitely for my husband . I need feedback on what you think of the story and just how personal is too personal . No , I don 't mean like that . I just mean , well , just tell me what you think . David called again the next day . Apparently he thought we were the type of friends now that could discuss dates with other people . I did not have the same opinion . He told me about his plans to go out this weekend with this other girl . I tried to get off the phone as quickly as possible . About a week later , I bumped into David at a dance . We danced , he flirted , I was nervous and confused , again . He asked what I was doing the next night , and luckily I already had plans . He pressed on and asked me out for the following Saturday . I was still smitten , yet hurt . I agreed to go out with him . Later , on the phone , he told me that he 'd gotten scared of how quickly our relationship had been progressing and thought that going out with someone else would slow us down . While going on several dates with this other girl , he realized how much he would rather be with me . I was skeptical , but flattered . Saturday night arrived and so did David . He looked wonderful , acted sweet , and took me to a resort that offered gondola rides . What part of snuggling together in a boat on a moonlit night was slowing down ? After a lovely , romantic evening , he took me home . At the door , he went in for the goodnight kiss . Oh boy , was this going to be awkward ! I gave him a small peck and dashed inside the house . I seemed to end up feeling sick to my stomach more often than not since I met this boy . What was I going to do ? The next day , I got the standard phone call . David was sweet and flirty and I was scared to death . I 'd only had to have one conversation similar to this in my life . I finally gritted my teeth and told him that I needed to tell him that if we were not actually in a relationship , I was not comfortable with us making out . ( There was a current trend called getting a ncmo , or non - committal make out . ) I told him that I had tried that once and it was not for me . He responded that he really wanted us to be friends and that he didn 't want to jeopardize our friendship , but could we still go out together on the weekends ? This plan seemed bPosted by Okay , this is for Ashley , because she really knows how to talk me into stuff . What kind of world are we coming to ? A double blog day ! David will think I wasted my whole day . Oh , except I cleaned the bathroom and weeded in the garden and did some laundry too . He walked me to the front gate of my house and gave me a very sweet peck on the mouth to follow the few minutes we had spent in the car . I fairly floated inside the house and fell into bed , hoping for dreams as sweet as my current reality . We talked on the phone the next day , and the next , and every day that week . By Wednesday , he had asked me out again for Saturday night . I was in heaven and thought that I couldn 't have written myself a better love story . The timing was perfect . We would have been dating for two whole weeks by the time Valentine 's Day rolled around , just long enough to make things not awkward . Or so I thought . Valentine 's day was on a Thursday and come Monday , I still hadn 't been asked out . There was a big dance , of course , but I was hoping for something a little more private . Tuesday , still no phone call . This was weird , because before this week , I think we had talked on the phone every day since our first date . I called Mary and wondered aloud what was going on . She was sure that he had just forgotten and would call soon . By Wednesday , I was so confused and upset that I decided I needed to call David and find out where I stood . He wasn 't home . I left a message , but I didn 't get a return call until the next day . When he called , I was relieved , but nervous . I couldn 't imagine what was wrong . David chatted casually like I was his best friend in the world , but no mention of Valentine 's Day . Finally , I broke down and asked him what he was doing that night . He informed me that he was playing basketball that night , but that a girl he met last week would be meeting him there . He asked if I had any suggestions on what he should wear to take her out after the game . WHAT ? I was dumbfounded ! I couldn 't speak ! I quickly made some excuse to get off the phone before the tears started to flow . After a good cry , I called Mary to tell her all about it . She commiserated , but had to go get ready for her Valentine date , of course . I called Steve and told him all about it too . It seems that several jaust . me Should I start this by stating how much I LOVE having fresh salad every day or how much I HATE having dirt under my fingernails . Maybe the actual beginning is to discuss how motivated my mom is . Dang it ! Back in January , we started talking about a garden . I probably would have bought a couple of tomato plants to watch die and been done with it , but not my mom . First she talked about how wonderful fresh vegetables are . Then , I 'm pretty sure she arranged to have grocery prices go up so that they sounded even better . Next , she got a little frustrated that no one seemed as excited about a garden as her . Then the guilt kicked in and we all said we would help . Mom and Tom did most of the preparing of the soil , since they know how to use the tiller . We had a big Family Home Evening to plant the seeds . We bought rubber boots to waddle through the mud . And now we get to eat salad with fresh red and green lettuce , purple and orange carrots , green onions , peas , radishes , and spinach . Oh , so yummy ! And I haven 't bought a green vegetable for weeks . I love these posts ! I 've already written most of the story , so all I have to do is copy and paste , and I 'm done ! Sometimes it also helps if I don 't read it so I don 't remember just how much personal information I 'm posting about myself on the internet . The next day , Sunday , I thought about this phone call all day . I went to church , but I 'm sure I never heard a word . I debated calling that day , or waiting till the next . When it came down to it , there was never a question . I couldn 't wait . I called David that evening . He was busy . Devastation ! He took my phone number and I waited . I actually hoped it was just a ploy to have a reason to ask for my number again . About an hour later , he did call back and I was in heaven . He asked me out on a date for that weekend and , of course , I agreed . I could have died happy at that moment . Thursday , David gave Mary and me a ride home from the dance . I had left my car at Mary 's house . I think Steve had picked us up . Sadly , David 's sister had been in a car accident that totaled his cute little blazer , and we rode home in the Hyundai hatchback . At Mary 's , we sat outside on the car . No one wanted the evening to end yet . My dear friend walked by me and whispered in my ear , " You 're right . He is pretty cute . " I thought that it was all over . There was no way I could compete . I drove the rest of the way home , depressed and upset . However , I was the one with the date for Saturday night . Friday , David called and asked what I was doing that night . Strangely , I hadn 't made plans yet , and although I knew you should never accept a day of date offer , I couldn 't resist . He asked if he could come over to visit at my house . He could have asked just about anything . So , Friday night David came over and met my parents . Did I mention that my dad is 6 ' 3 " , not shy , and quite intimidating ? After spending some time chatting with my angel mother and gun - toting father , we went for a walk outside . We ended up at the swing set where we sat down to talk . The attraction was definitely headed up a notch . David casually mentioned that we should really count this evening as a date so that there wouldn 't be any issues with not kissing on the first date the next night . After having waited three months for him to ask me out , it probably saiPosted by I walked outside to go take a picture of the garden . I 've always hated gardening . From the times when I was little and my dad would tell us to " Go outside and hoe 2 rows before dinner . " , to planting my own flowers on the front porch . Anyway , this is where the blog was going to go . . . but it will have to wait . When I walked outside , Tbone was standing by the fence looking friendly , so I went over to have a chat . He 's such a friendly little bull . He loves it when I pick grass from the field by the garden and bring it too him . He also loves getting his picture taken , obviously . I was headed to the garden anyway , so I figured I 'd snap a couple photos and bring him some grass . I didn 't take a picture of the grass ( although you can see a nice patch right in front ) , but next to the onions off to the right , there 's a gorgeous patch of grass about a foot long . I figure pulling it and feeding it to the cows serves many purposes . First , it removes the grass from right beside the garden , discouraging it from reseeding right into the garden . Next , it fattens up those future yummy steaks . Also , it helps reseed the cow pasture when they eat the seed heads and then fertilize the field . I proceeded to pick a great big handful to take to Tbone . As I walked back to the cow pasture , I saw that he had gone to join the other cows on the other side of the pasture . I walked up to the fence to dump the grass and . . . Here comes Chuck . I wasn 't ready for him with my camera , but he came trotting up from clear on the other side of the pasture . This was shocking to me . Chuck had never come over to me at the fence before . Even when I did bring food . I wasn 't quite sure if he was charging me or coming for grass , because he was running . He slowed up as he approached and quickly began to enjoy his ( Tbone 's ) special treat . Then Tbone noticed . . . and he came running ! Usually Tbone is the only one that will come over to the fence when I bring grass , so this sudden , unexpected event made me think that I should go get some more grass , especially when I saw that . . . Porky was headed over too ! This was beyond shocking . Porky actually runs away when anyone comes near . ( maybe not Tom , who feeds them everyday . I don 't know . ) Tbone and Chuck were graciously enjoying their snack , but Porky was just hovering in the background . I figured he would come eat a little while I was picking some more grass in the garden . Coming back with another armful , Porky saw me and started toPosted by My plan was to always post something different in between these memory posts , but Lauren has been nagging me . I 'm not sure that Lauren was my intended audience . Hmm , how many more installments before this becomes uncomfortable ? Ours was not always a smooth relationship . The next time I saw David was all wrong . He came to a Saturday night dance with his cousin . Todd was in town on Winter break from University . Mary , my usual companion , had a date that night and so my friend Steve and I had met at the dance . Steve was a sweet guy . All the guys that Mary and I hung out with ( and we only hung out with guys , our other girlfriend , Teresa , had already married ) were at the very least , cute . It was fun to flirt innocently with our friends , knowing that we were all looking in other directions for actual relationships . So , I 'm there with Steve , and David has a built in companion . Meanwhile , I have been wallowing in jealousy for the boy I 've never even dated , watching him and his reactions to the other girls that he has met . I was rather pathetic . The evening was disappointing . I was ready to leave . David asked if we were going out to eat as we often did . Steve , who probably fed off my dejectedness , had no desire to go . Dennis the DJ was in the process of getting married and no fun anymore ( just kidding Dennis and Alisa ) . However , I had technically come alone . It might be a little awkward , but how could I give up the opportunity to spend more time with David ? Todd was up for food , so we headed off ( in separate cars ) for JB 's . Suddenly , the night was looking up ! I ordered my usual Pepsi and probably some fries , so that I wouldn 't get too much crap about not eating the traditional 1am dessert . Todd and I got along well and discussed some classes that we 'd had in common . David was flirty , but somewhat reserved with his cousin maintaining most of the conversation . After some conversation and with my heart in my throat , I decided I better head out . It was getting late and I had about a 20 minute drive home by myself . To my utter amazement and making it almost impossible to swallow , David said that he would walk me out to my car . Todd busied himself at the table . We walked out to the little , old Ford farm truck that I was driving . We talked and laughed and joked together . I didn 't wanPosted by |
Okay , I have FINALLY been able to complete all of the draws for our final fundraiser ! ! ! ! If you are a winner of ANYTHING , please email me at sara _ beamish @ hotmail . com , so that I can keep track of your email address and make arrangments to get your prize to you . Please bear with me a little longer , as I get the list together with email addresses for the free pendents from Sarah 's Treasure Box . Congratulations to all of the winners ! ! ! ! ! We really want to thank everyone so much for every penny of support that we have received , every prayer that has been thought or spoken for us , every good though and good wish that people have spared for us . With out each and every one of you , we would not be sitting here in Easter Europe , bonding with and loving on this amazing little girl , who has been missing from our lives for so long . And who know how much longer she would have stayed sitting here waiting for a family of her own , under estimated and under loved . You have all been a part of our miracle , of putting our family together . The words just don 't seem enough , and the prizes are just material things to add interest , fun and encouragment . Please know that for every donation , and each comment , note , email , yahoo post , phone call , in person converstaion , etc we have thanked you , and sent you love and blessings . Since here the internet has not been as cooperative as I hoped it would be , and K has been slightly more wild then I though she would be . Please know that if it takes me another 2 years or longer , I will respond to all of you , and that each of you hold a special place in my heart . This morning 's visit went well . We played in the little area outside of her groupa 's main living space , where they get ready to go outside . We found some little ride on toys that the girls had fun on , even though they are both WAY too big for them . K did get a little silly a few times and opened the door to yell something at her group and then slammed the door in a little ones face . Well , that only happened once , she did go for the door a few more times , but we were faster after the first incident . During our break this afternoon Em & I accompanied Mike on his afternoon trip to the store . We decided to go looking to see if there was anything new or more in the next village down the highway , as he has already found a nice little market down that direction . We didn 't end up finding very much , and stopped as we crossed over into a different region ( oblast ) . There was a gas station there , so we went in , to see what supplies we could get there . I was super excited to score some Nestea Iced Tea , which certainly is NOT what it would be at home , but it 's better then nothing , and it is NOT pop . We also found a Barbie Repunzle movie in an East European language … although we are not sure if it is the right one for our girl or not . We put it on for Em when we got back to our room , and it offered English as a language option ! ! ! YEA ! ! ! We know that we will not be able to play it on our player when we get home , but we are hoping that when we get back to the capital city that we may be able to find an external player for the computer , and a few more children 's DVDs . K was sounding a little congested last week when we meet her , and it has been slowly progressing over the week . Now her nose has been running constantly , and she has been sneezing off and on . The good news about all of this is that she is excellent about blowing her nose on command , and has become very good at coming to us and asking to have it wiped . The bad news is that this afternoon , it turned into a fever . We visited this afternoon in the music room again . Don 't get me wrong . I know we are lucky , and I am VERY grateful to have such a large , bright , enclosed , private place to visit with her . But man , does it ever get HOT in there ! The girls are always flush and a little damp , if not out right sweating by the time we are finished in there . So when K came in a hugged me , I though she felt warm , but wasn 't sure as my hug was quick as she rushed over to see Daddy . But then Mike thought that she felt warm too . She ripped through the bag and found the snacks as usually . As she was standing leaning on me drinking her juice I could feel that she was really starting to burn up . We weren 't sure if we should take her back to her room or not . Considering that they had just brought her down , and completely changed her since this morning 's visit , we figured that they must already know , and not be all that concerned , so we continued with our visit . We painted the girls nails . K has obviously had this done before , as she sat very still and straight and displayed her fingers for me . She colored and ran around . But as she started to run towards things that she is not supposed to , such as the piano , she didn 't seem to have as much enthusiasm as she normally does . When we told her " No " , she would stop , kind of turn , and half smile . I picked her up and we twirl danced back into the middle of the room , away from all of the " no " items . When I put her down she asked to be picked back up . She snuggled her little hot head into my shoulder and neck , and we danced most of the rest of the visit away . For a while I had her lying in my arms across my chest like a baby , and we just stared at each other while I sang what ever song was playing on the radio and we danced . She fought off sleep the entire time . I loved having her calm and happy in my arms . Feeling like I was able to help her feel better and happy . I think she really enjoyed it too . I was so happy to see that she was more then happy to keep such intense eye contact forPlaying in the groupa 's mud room Each time that we arrive at the orphanage we are supposed to attempt to check in with the director , and if she isn 't here , then we are to check in with the on duty nurse ( whose office is directly across the hall from the directors ) . Often there is no one in either office , and we stand and wait for someone to come along and say " Dobre den . K ? " , and then they will take us to where ever we will visit this time , and then they go and let the groups know that we are there , and someone will bring K to us . Today we actually got to see the director , and she is the one who took us up to the music room . The director also brought K back to us , with all of her outdoor clothing . So , we bundled her up and we headed outside for our visit . We all had fun playing . Their playgroup equipment is in pretty poor shape . I wish we could do something to fix it up for them , but I wonder if that would be worth it or not when they have so many other needs , and this facility is scheduled to close … . . As it got closer to the time to take her back in for lunch , we started to walk around to the front of the building . We saw that her groupa was all outside , so we played a little more , as we can 't take her back until they are all inside . We went over to the gazebo , and the children came up to the garden swing . The caregivers loaded all of the children on to the swing and were swinging them there . K kept yelling something at them , and a few of them would yell back to her . She was very silly and lovey , showing off her Momma to her group . She would crawl into the gazebo , and then leap out into my arms and burry her head into my neck looking for tons of silly kisses and snuggles , and then she would do it again , and again … . When it was time to go in , we walked in with the groupa . One of the caregivers attempted to talk with me . She asked me how we were liking Ukraine , where we were from , and how we were liking K . She said " How you are liking K ? Like ? Love ? " She completely hit something , because I started to cry and couldn 't answer right away . I thumped my hand over my heart a few times , and managed to say " Love , love , love " . She smiled at me , and seemed very relived and happy to hear that . As I was about to go , the caregiver got my attention again and said " You buy Pampers . Thank you , THANK you . Thank you . Pampers , big problem . " I smiled at her and said your welcome , in their language , and then told her that we will bring more . During our orphanage break , we walked around the grounds where we are staying . We feed the swans , and visited each of the gazebos at Em 's request . Such a beautiful place this is , and such a perfect time of year to be here . I love watching all of the trees and flowers burst open and grow . When we arrived this afternoon , there was a new lady in the nurse 's office . She took us up to the hall in front of K 's room , and had us wait . Then she came out with K , and led us all downstairs . So strange , and we had NO idea where we were going . She took us to an area that we had never been to before , and then , we were in the therapy room . It was GREAT ! It was so nice to be somewhere different , with different activities to do . In a room that is meant for running , jumping , and a little silliness . It was also good to see that K had obviously been in here before , and she was eager to show off her skills . Climbing the wooden ladder , walking the balance beam , throwing the balls , putting on boxing gloves … . oh my . We had tons of fun in the therapy room . I hope that we get to play in there again one day . The change of scenery and variety of activities was GREATLY appreciated . This morning we brought the water color painting books with us . WOW ! Did they ever go over well . I picked them up at the dollar store for a buck each and a pack of paint brushes for the same . I wish I had of brought 10 more books like this . Both of the girls loved it . I can 't believe how long they sat there quietly painting away . I can 't believe how much K loves to color and paint . I am so excited to get her home and start her on the curriculum programs that I have for her . Em wasn 't all that interested in much of it , but all of it seems to be exactly what K likes to do , and hopefully I will get a good response from her with it . For this afternoon 's visit K was all fancy . Dressed in the super pretty pink outfit she was wearing when we first meet her , and her hair done up to the extreme . We took play dough with us for this visit . We had been debating if it was a good idea of not , as we were both sure that K would eat it , or at least try to . But Em has been bugging to take it , she LOVES it , and so we did . We were utterly impressed that K did not once even pretend to put it in her mouth . She did hold it and squeeze it once , and she played with the animals that Mike made it into . I could see that she wasn 't much interested in having it smush through her fingers … . possible sensory issue . She was disappointed that we didn 't bring the painting back , so we will need to remember that … Only Em & I went up to the orphanage for this morning 's visit . Mike went into town with our facilitator . She is returning to the capital city today , and he is getting us some supplies to hopefully last us until she returns . She has left her travel kettle with us , so we will be able to make tea , coffee , and instant oatmeal in our room . Our visit was a little nuts , and I won 't send one of us there with both girls again . They colored and ran around like the silly , crazy little girls they are . But it is hard to give the attention to both with such strong jealousy . Also Em doesn 't understand why we can 't just pick up and go to the bathroom whenever , and other things like that . We made it through though , and all is well . I wonder what K really thinks about all of this . Is she really happy to be coming and spending all of her time with us , or does she miss being with her groupa , and whatever it is that they are doing ? She is always excited when she comes into the room and sees that we are here , again . But is that because she likes the snacks that we provide , or does she get that we are so much more then that ? I guess only time will tell . Before our facilitator left , we had her ask if we would be able to K outside for some of our visits . As it has been about 5 days now , and she has not been out once since she has meet us . So when they brought her too us for the afternoon visit , I returned with her to the room , with a peace offering of diapers that Mike had picked up in town , and asked if we could take her outside . The caregiver swept her away and got her ready , and returned her dressed for the winter . We must look so foolish to them with how underdressed they must think we are . But we got to take her outside ! ! ! Oh , how nice to be out in the fresh air . New place to be , new things to do . We sat in the nice gazebo and had snack , and colored for a while . Then we played on the garden swing . We blew bubbles . We got to see how unsteady K is on the uneven lawn ; she fell more then a few times . And we wandered around , trying to not interfere with the groupas who were outside . I am assuming that the take the swings down for the winter , as everything is metal , but regardless of where they are , they were not on the equipment . The girls went on the seesaw for a while , and then climbed the stair to what was once a slide , and jumped into my arms . They found it to be much fun , but I eventually had to stop them . So we went back to the gazebo and colored some more . The book Brown Bear , Brown Bear , What Do You See ? has replaced the photo album as K 's favourite item in the back pack . It 's great ! ! ! She tries to say the colors and the animals , and we all have fun making the animal sounds . I know , I know . I promised updates , everyday . But I did say that was internet permitting . And the internet has NOT been all that permitting , let me tell you . I completely take my internet at home for granted . Along with a few other things … like being able to cook for ourselves . Also , having the computer to myself , for the most part . Em 's DVD player has broken , and so I am sharing the computer with her so she can watch a movie before bed . This new bedtime routine has got her going to bed only 2 hours later then normal , instead of the 4 hours that it had been . She is now sleeping through the night . Our complaints are small , and things here are SO much better then we had ever anticipated them being , which I think helps a lot . The food at the restaurant is very good , and I am eating better then I ever expected to . Many of you would be impressed , and outright shocked ; p The staff here are great , and although they do not speak English , they go out of their way to try to make us happy . We have been told that they will attempt to cook us anything we 'd like . We haven 't really gone there yet , but I 'm hoping that they are serious about that , and that when our facilitator comes back that we will perhaps be able to explain to them how and what grilled cheese is , and French toast , so that Em can eat something that is more then fruit and nuts and cereal . Grilled cheese is sounding pretty good to me too . There is a small stray dog that lives here . I had drilled it into Em to not touch any of the animals , knowing that a plane ride to a different country for rabies shots has been all too real for an RR family this past year . But our facilitator feed this small dog some bread when she was feeding the swans . So Em feed the dog some bread , and so on . I kept giving Mike & Em trouble for feeding the dog - who know follows us everywhere and sits outside our door barking at all hours . BUT , I have to sit outside at night to get on line , and our little dog sits with me . He growls and barks at any one , thing , and sound . He freaks me out a little , but I still feel safer with him alerting me to what could be in the woods directly behind me . So at the end of the night , when I am coming in to bed , I now feed the dog a piece of bread . The barking is annoying , but last night I discovered that it is because he is protecting us , so it 's not as bad . Whenever a car drives up the back driveway , by our walkway , he runs to the stairs and take a defensive pose and barks and growls to make sure no one is coming up this way . Now I 'm sure he 'd let them by it they feed him , but still it 's nice to know he watching out for us . Although I think it is important to say now that we do not need the dog , and that we DO feel safe here . For our visits on day 2 - 4 , they were all pretty much the same . We met with K in the orphanage music room twice per day . She does back and forth between coloring , looking at her photo album , and running around . She greatly enjoys her snack , and we are careful to control how much she puts in her mouth at once . The 9 oz cup full of juice goes very quickly , and I 'm sure she would be happy if there were 3 more of them . They have these huge foam blocks in the room that we have been stacking and knocking down . It would be fun to try to build something with them one day , but the girls run at them right now , so that won 't be any time soon . The other day they just got so crazy . Em got whinny , and K was just into everything that she 's not supposed to be . We set up a bunch of the blocks in sets of two , and I just kept skipping around them in a circle , singing a " lalalalalalalala " song . It worked ! Quickly I had both of their attention . Neither one really seemed all of that interested in following , but they each picked a couple that they circles , and waited for me to pass by and tickle them on my way . I just may have to get us some of these foam blocks : ) After arriving by a 16 hour over night train , we crammed our belonging and ourselves into the back of a tiny car and drove another 45 mins to meet with the regional inspector ( children 's services social worker ) . We gave them our official referral that we received from the SDA and there were many words exchanged in a language that we do not speak . In the end , one of the ladies joined us on our journey to the orphanage , and one stayed behind ( wishing us best of luck - the only thing that was translated ) . . . . as did some of our luggage so that we would all fit into the car . We drove for an additional 20 mins or so out to the orphanage . At this point it had been over 21 hours since we had left our apartment . Emily was doing so well . We were very proud of her . We entered into the orphanage and were seated in the director 's office . . . something that I have been dreaming about for years . It became very cramped , very quickly . With the 3 of us , our facilitator , the regional inspector , the director , the SLP , the doctor , the lady who does all of the paperwork for the orphanage . . . . We sat around the table and they read all of the information from her file to us . No surprises there , and little bit of background information . Then we were all ushered up to the music room to wait and meet with our new little girl . Now , I was shaking a little bit , but had to laugh that Emily was so annoyed that it was taking so long . Finally the director came into the room holding K 's hand . I wasn 't really sure what to do , other then throw the camera at Mike . Well Emily knew what to do , as soon as she saw her sister she yells at her , " K ! Hi ! " It was too funny . K looked around the room at all of the people sitting there , and the 3 of us standing awkwardly in the middle . The director said something to her , and she kind of looked at us , half smiled , looked around the room again , looked directly at me , gave me a huge smile and ran into my arms . She hugged me like she would never let go , and it was amazing . I cried , of course . She kept pulling her head back to look at me , smiling at me , and then hugging me again . I cry just thinking of it . Then someone else said something and she let me go : ( But then she ran to Mike with a big smile on her face and leaped into his arms : ) I don 't think he could have been any happier : ) She stayed there for a few seconds and came back to me for more hugs . Poor Emily was trying to get her attention , but she was only interested in us . . . . that is until Emily arrived beside me holding a cookie for her . She devoured the cookie , the whole time looking at me and hugging me . I 'm so glad that she didn 't care how bad we looked after traveling for so long to get to her . Then the orphanage staff put a stop to the hugging , they said that she just wants hugs all of the time and that we need to be firm with her . SO HARD , when we just want hugs all of the time too . So Mike took the girls to the other side of the room to play with the giant foam blocks . I watched for awhile , and went over the medical reports and findings with our facilitator and the doctor . They told us that her coordination was off and that she falls down a lot . And that she had just fallen the day before . She is sporting a pair of black eyes and large goose eggs on her head . She did pretty well though . She was running and giggling , and kicking . She did fall over a few times , but was able to get herself back up . But she was also able to catch herself many more times . They mentioned a few other things , such as speech delay , but we will see what come of all of that once she gets home . She reminds me of Emily a lot . She is not going to sit and listen and pay attention unless it interests her , unless it is the right time for her . The 2 of them together , are going to be something else . I can 't waitJ Our visit ended WAY too soon . She went back to her groupa , and we got in to car to do some serious paper chasing . Hours we sat and waited , but the inspector was greatly impressed by how much we had gotten done when we dropped the huge box off at her office . We were finally done for the day , and we were able to come back to our room , unpack , breath , and go down to the restaurant for dinner . I was brave and ordered " a sandwich with bacon " and a vegetable salad . Well the bacon turned out to be ham , and a sandwich turned out to be one small piece of bread with A LOT of butter , the " bacon " and a 2 small pieces of tomato artfully displayed on it . The vegetable salad was a line of tomatoes down the one side of the plate , a line of cucumbers down the other , and a line of sour cream down the middle with onions on it . YUM ! I 'll have that everyday : ) The sandwich was good too . In all it was an exceptional long day . Hopefully the longest that we will have . We are SO happy to have finally had a chance to meet her , hold her , smile and be happy with her , to know where she is and who is caring for her while we can not . We love her , so very much . She is exactly who we thought she was , she is our daughter . Our temporary new home is LOVELY . If we were picky , it could be a little large , have some more storage , and a kitchen area . BUT there is a restaurant here that is very reasonably priced and the food is VERY good . They are trying hard to please us too . They just offered to do our laundry for us , which is really nice and we may have to take them up on that , although I 'd rather do it myself . We just have to walk up a path behind our little house on the hill , and the orphanage is right there . I should also likely comment that our internet isn 't so good . So please wait a little longer . Updates will come as we get access , and photo will come as I get cooperation . So we survived the 16 hour train ride : ) We rode in second class , in the very last cart of a very long train . We had our own little space , which was nice . We must have been on one of the newer trains , because it wasn 't all that bad . When we got on it was HOT , but it cooled off through the night , and the temperature was comfortable for sleeping . They allow smoking in the hall of the train which isn 't overly pleasant , but not nearly as bad as you 'd think . Actually we have been hotel rooms and restaurants that allow smoking that have been MUCH worse then that train was . The bathroom was absolutely disgusting , but I find bathrooms on any vehicle to be disgusting . The real problem with that was when Emily needed to use it . I would normally have held her , but she won 't go that way because I couldn 't keep us still . So Mike took her . I have NO idea how they made it work , but I don 't think I want to know . Surprisingly enough the movement of the train didn 't make me sick , so that was a huge bonus too . Emily did NOT want to sleep on the train , and we spent much of the night encouraging her to be quite as to not disturb everyone else . We could see the stars in the sky as we drove through the night , and I 'm a little disappointed that we didn 't get to see more of what we were driving past , but I wouldn 't really want to take it in the day . Our facilitator stayed in the room next to us , it was nice to have our own space , but know that we were not alone either . We arrived in the city right on time and our driver was waiting for us to help with our language . We crammed as much as we could into his trunk and the rest into the back seat with the 3 of us . Our facilitator sat in the front with her luggage around her . Perhaps we should have packed less , but I haven 't felt like anything we packed has been a waste of space yet . |
Okay , I have FINALLY been able to complete all of the draws for our final fundraiser ! ! ! ! If you are a winner of ANYTHING , please email me at sara _ beamish @ hotmail . com , so that I can keep track of your email address and make arrangments to get your prize to you . Please bear with me a little longer , as I get the list together with email addresses for the free pendents from Sarah 's Treasure Box . Congratulations to all of the winners ! ! ! ! ! We really want to thank everyone so much for every penny of support that we have received , every prayer that has been thought or spoken for us , every good though and good wish that people have spared for us . With out each and every one of you , we would not be sitting here in Easter Europe , bonding with and loving on this amazing little girl , who has been missing from our lives for so long . And who know how much longer she would have stayed sitting here waiting for a family of her own , under estimated and under loved . You have all been a part of our miracle , of putting our family together . The words just don 't seem enough , and the prizes are just material things to add interest , fun and encouragment . Please know that for every donation , and each comment , note , email , yahoo post , phone call , in person converstaion , etc we have thanked you , and sent you love and blessings . Since here the internet has not been as cooperative as I hoped it would be , and K has been slightly more wild then I though she would be . Please know that if it takes me another 2 years or longer , I will respond to all of you , and that each of you hold a special place in my heart . This morning 's visit went well . We played in the little area outside of her groupa 's main living space , where they get ready to go outside . We found some little ride on toys that the girls had fun on , even though they are both WAY too big for them . K did get a little silly a few times and opened the door to yell something at her group and then slammed the door in a little ones face . Well , that only happened once , she did go for the door a few more times , but we were faster after the first incident . During our break this afternoon Em & I accompanied Mike on his afternoon trip to the store . We decided to go looking to see if there was anything new or more in the next village down the highway , as he has already found a nice little market down that direction . We didn 't end up finding very much , and stopped as we crossed over into a different region ( oblast ) . There was a gas station there , so we went in , to see what supplies we could get there . I was super excited to score some Nestea Iced Tea , which certainly is NOT what it would be at home , but it 's better then nothing , and it is NOT pop . We also found a Barbie Repunzle movie in an East European language … although we are not sure if it is the right one for our girl or not . We put it on for Em when we got back to our room , and it offered English as a language option ! ! ! YEA ! ! ! We know that we will not be able to play it on our player when we get home , but we are hoping that when we get back to the capital city that we may be able to find an external player for the computer , and a few more children 's DVDs . K was sounding a little congested last week when we meet her , and it has been slowly progressing over the week . Now her nose has been running constantly , and she has been sneezing off and on . The good news about all of this is that she is excellent about blowing her nose on command , and has become very good at coming to us and asking to have it wiped . The bad news is that this afternoon , it turned into a fever . We visited this afternoon in the music room again . Don 't get me wrong . I know we are lucky , and I am VERY grateful to have such a large , bright , enclosed , private place to visit with her . But man , does it ever get HOT in there ! The girls are always flush and a little damp , if not out right sweating by the time we are finished in there . So when K came in a hugged me , I though she felt warm , but wasn 't sure as my hug was quick as she rushed over to see Daddy . But then Mike thought that she felt warm too . She ripped through the bag and found the snacks as usually . As she was standing leaning on me drinking her juice I could feel that she was really starting to burn up . We weren 't sure if we should take her back to her room or not . Considering that they had just brought her down , and completely changed her since this morning 's visit , we figured that they must already know , and not be all that concerned , so we continued with our visit . We painted the girls nails . K has obviously had this done before , as she sat very still and straight and displayed her fingers for me . She colored and ran around . But as she started to run towards things that she is not supposed to , such as the piano , she didn 't seem to have as much enthusiasm as she normally does . When we told her " No " , she would stop , kind of turn , and half smile . I picked her up and we twirl danced back into the middle of the room , away from all of the " no " items . When I put her down she asked to be picked back up . She snuggled her little hot head into my shoulder and neck , and we danced most of the rest of the visit away . For a while I had her lying in my arms across my chest like a baby , and we just stared at each other while I sang what ever song was playing on the radio and we danced . She fought off sleep the entire time . I loved having her calm and happy in my arms . Feeling like I was able to help her feel better and happy . I think she really enjoyed it too . I was so happy to see that she was more then happy to keep such intense eye contact forPlaying in the groupa 's mud room Each time that we arrive at the orphanage we are supposed to attempt to check in with the director , and if she isn 't here , then we are to check in with the on duty nurse ( whose office is directly across the hall from the directors ) . Often there is no one in either office , and we stand and wait for someone to come along and say " Dobre den . K ? " , and then they will take us to where ever we will visit this time , and then they go and let the groups know that we are there , and someone will bring K to us . Today we actually got to see the director , and she is the one who took us up to the music room . The director also brought K back to us , with all of her outdoor clothing . So , we bundled her up and we headed outside for our visit . We all had fun playing . Their playgroup equipment is in pretty poor shape . I wish we could do something to fix it up for them , but I wonder if that would be worth it or not when they have so many other needs , and this facility is scheduled to close … . . As it got closer to the time to take her back in for lunch , we started to walk around to the front of the building . We saw that her groupa was all outside , so we played a little more , as we can 't take her back until they are all inside . We went over to the gazebo , and the children came up to the garden swing . The caregivers loaded all of the children on to the swing and were swinging them there . K kept yelling something at them , and a few of them would yell back to her . She was very silly and lovey , showing off her Momma to her group . She would crawl into the gazebo , and then leap out into my arms and burry her head into my neck looking for tons of silly kisses and snuggles , and then she would do it again , and again … . When it was time to go in , we walked in with the groupa . One of the caregivers attempted to talk with me . She asked me how we were liking Ukraine , where we were from , and how we were liking K . She said " How you are liking K ? Like ? Love ? " She completely hit something , because I started to cry and couldn 't answer right away . I thumped my hand over my heart a few times , and managed to say " Love , love , love " . She smiled at me , and seemed very relived and happy to hear that . As I was about to go , the caregiver got my attention again and said " You buy Pampers . Thank you , THANK you . Thank you . Pampers , big problem . " I smiled at her and said your welcome , in their language , and then told her that we will bring more . During our orphanage break , we walked around the grounds where we are staying . We feed the swans , and visited each of the gazebos at Em 's request . Such a beautiful place this is , and such a perfect time of year to be here . I love watching all of the trees and flowers burst open and grow . When we arrived this afternoon , there was a new lady in the nurse 's office . She took us up to the hall in front of K 's room , and had us wait . Then she came out with K , and led us all downstairs . So strange , and we had NO idea where we were going . She took us to an area that we had never been to before , and then , we were in the therapy room . It was GREAT ! It was so nice to be somewhere different , with different activities to do . In a room that is meant for running , jumping , and a little silliness . It was also good to see that K had obviously been in here before , and she was eager to show off her skills . Climbing the wooden ladder , walking the balance beam , throwing the balls , putting on boxing gloves … . oh my . We had tons of fun in the therapy room . I hope that we get to play in there again one day . The change of scenery and variety of activities was GREATLY appreciated . This morning we brought the water color painting books with us . WOW ! Did they ever go over well . I picked them up at the dollar store for a buck each and a pack of paint brushes for the same . I wish I had of brought 10 more books like this . Both of the girls loved it . I can 't believe how long they sat there quietly painting away . I can 't believe how much K loves to color and paint . I am so excited to get her home and start her on the curriculum programs that I have for her . Em wasn 't all that interested in much of it , but all of it seems to be exactly what K likes to do , and hopefully I will get a good response from her with it . For this afternoon 's visit K was all fancy . Dressed in the super pretty pink outfit she was wearing when we first meet her , and her hair done up to the extreme . We took play dough with us for this visit . We had been debating if it was a good idea of not , as we were both sure that K would eat it , or at least try to . But Em has been bugging to take it , she LOVES it , and so we did . We were utterly impressed that K did not once even pretend to put it in her mouth . She did hold it and squeeze it once , and she played with the animals that Mike made it into . I could see that she wasn 't much interested in having it smush through her fingers … . possible sensory issue . She was disappointed that we didn 't bring the painting back , so we will need to remember that … Only Em & I went up to the orphanage for this morning 's visit . Mike went into town with our facilitator . She is returning to the capital city today , and he is getting us some supplies to hopefully last us until she returns . She has left her travel kettle with us , so we will be able to make tea , coffee , and instant oatmeal in our room . Our visit was a little nuts , and I won 't send one of us there with both girls again . They colored and ran around like the silly , crazy little girls they are . But it is hard to give the attention to both with such strong jealousy . Also Em doesn 't understand why we can 't just pick up and go to the bathroom whenever , and other things like that . We made it through though , and all is well . I wonder what K really thinks about all of this . Is she really happy to be coming and spending all of her time with us , or does she miss being with her groupa , and whatever it is that they are doing ? She is always excited when she comes into the room and sees that we are here , again . But is that because she likes the snacks that we provide , or does she get that we are so much more then that ? I guess only time will tell . Before our facilitator left , we had her ask if we would be able to K outside for some of our visits . As it has been about 5 days now , and she has not been out once since she has meet us . So when they brought her too us for the afternoon visit , I returned with her to the room , with a peace offering of diapers that Mike had picked up in town , and asked if we could take her outside . The caregiver swept her away and got her ready , and returned her dressed for the winter . We must look so foolish to them with how underdressed they must think we are . But we got to take her outside ! ! ! Oh , how nice to be out in the fresh air . New place to be , new things to do . We sat in the nice gazebo and had snack , and colored for a while . Then we played on the garden swing . We blew bubbles . We got to see how unsteady K is on the uneven lawn ; she fell more then a few times . And we wandered around , trying to not interfere with the groupas who were outside . I am assuming that the take the swings down for the winter , as everything is metal , but regardless of where they are , they were not on the equipment . The girls went on the seesaw for a while , and then climbed the stair to what was once a slide , and jumped into my arms . They found it to be much fun , but I eventually had to stop them . So we went back to the gazebo and colored some more . The book Brown Bear , Brown Bear , What Do You See ? has replaced the photo album as K 's favourite item in the back pack . It 's great ! ! ! She tries to say the colors and the animals , and we all have fun making the animal sounds . I know , I know . I promised updates , everyday . But I did say that was internet permitting . And the internet has NOT been all that permitting , let me tell you . I completely take my internet at home for granted . Along with a few other things … like being able to cook for ourselves . Also , having the computer to myself , for the most part . Em 's DVD player has broken , and so I am sharing the computer with her so she can watch a movie before bed . This new bedtime routine has got her going to bed only 2 hours later then normal , instead of the 4 hours that it had been . She is now sleeping through the night . Our complaints are small , and things here are SO much better then we had ever anticipated them being , which I think helps a lot . The food at the restaurant is very good , and I am eating better then I ever expected to . Many of you would be impressed , and outright shocked ; p The staff here are great , and although they do not speak English , they go out of their way to try to make us happy . We have been told that they will attempt to cook us anything we 'd like . We haven 't really gone there yet , but I 'm hoping that they are serious about that , and that when our facilitator comes back that we will perhaps be able to explain to them how and what grilled cheese is , and French toast , so that Em can eat something that is more then fruit and nuts and cereal . Grilled cheese is sounding pretty good to me too . There is a small stray dog that lives here . I had drilled it into Em to not touch any of the animals , knowing that a plane ride to a different country for rabies shots has been all too real for an RR family this past year . But our facilitator feed this small dog some bread when she was feeding the swans . So Em feed the dog some bread , and so on . I kept giving Mike & Em trouble for feeding the dog - who know follows us everywhere and sits outside our door barking at all hours . BUT , I have to sit outside at night to get on line , and our little dog sits with me . He growls and barks at any one , thing , and sound . He freaks me out a little , but I still feel safer with him alerting me to what could be in the woods directly behind me . So at the end of the night , when I am coming in to bed , I now feed the dog a piece of bread . The barking is annoying , but last night I discovered that it is because he is protecting us , so it 's not as bad . Whenever a car drives up the back driveway , by our walkway , he runs to the stairs and take a defensive pose and barks and growls to make sure no one is coming up this way . Now I 'm sure he 'd let them by it they feed him , but still it 's nice to know he watching out for us . Although I think it is important to say now that we do not need the dog , and that we DO feel safe here . For our visits on day 2 - 4 , they were all pretty much the same . We met with K in the orphanage music room twice per day . She does back and forth between coloring , looking at her photo album , and running around . She greatly enjoys her snack , and we are careful to control how much she puts in her mouth at once . The 9 oz cup full of juice goes very quickly , and I 'm sure she would be happy if there were 3 more of them . They have these huge foam blocks in the room that we have been stacking and knocking down . It would be fun to try to build something with them one day , but the girls run at them right now , so that won 't be any time soon . The other day they just got so crazy . Em got whinny , and K was just into everything that she 's not supposed to be . We set up a bunch of the blocks in sets of two , and I just kept skipping around them in a circle , singing a " lalalalalalalala " song . It worked ! Quickly I had both of their attention . Neither one really seemed all of that interested in following , but they each picked a couple that they circles , and waited for me to pass by and tickle them on my way . I just may have to get us some of these foam blocks : ) After arriving by a 16 hour over night train , we crammed our belonging and ourselves into the back of a tiny car and drove another 45 mins to meet with the regional inspector ( children 's services social worker ) . We gave them our official referral that we received from the SDA and there were many words exchanged in a language that we do not speak . In the end , one of the ladies joined us on our journey to the orphanage , and one stayed behind ( wishing us best of luck - the only thing that was translated ) . . . . as did some of our luggage so that we would all fit into the car . We drove for an additional 20 mins or so out to the orphanage . At this point it had been over 21 hours since we had left our apartment . Emily was doing so well . We were very proud of her . We entered into the orphanage and were seated in the director 's office . . . something that I have been dreaming about for years . It became very cramped , very quickly . With the 3 of us , our facilitator , the regional inspector , the director , the SLP , the doctor , the lady who does all of the paperwork for the orphanage . . . . We sat around the table and they read all of the information from her file to us . No surprises there , and little bit of background information . Then we were all ushered up to the music room to wait and meet with our new little girl . Now , I was shaking a little bit , but had to laugh that Emily was so annoyed that it was taking so long . Finally the director came into the room holding K 's hand . I wasn 't really sure what to do , other then throw the camera at Mike . Well Emily knew what to do , as soon as she saw her sister she yells at her , " K ! Hi ! " It was too funny . K looked around the room at all of the people sitting there , and the 3 of us standing awkwardly in the middle . The director said something to her , and she kind of looked at us , half smiled , looked around the room again , looked directly at me , gave me a huge smile and ran into my arms . She hugged me like she would never let go , and it was amazing . I cried , of course . She kept pulling her head back to look at me , smiling at me , and then hugging me again . I cry just thinking of it . Then someone else said something and she let me go : ( But then she ran to Mike with a big smile on her face and leaped into his arms : ) I don 't think he could have been any happier : ) She stayed there for a few seconds and came back to me for more hugs . Poor Emily was trying to get her attention , but she was only interested in us . . . . that is until Emily arrived beside me holding a cookie for her . She devoured the cookie , the whole time looking at me and hugging me . I 'm so glad that she didn 't care how bad we looked after traveling for so long to get to her . Then the orphanage staff put a stop to the hugging , they said that she just wants hugs all of the time and that we need to be firm with her . SO HARD , when we just want hugs all of the time too . So Mike took the girls to the other side of the room to play with the giant foam blocks . I watched for awhile , and went over the medical reports and findings with our facilitator and the doctor . They told us that her coordination was off and that she falls down a lot . And that she had just fallen the day before . She is sporting a pair of black eyes and large goose eggs on her head . She did pretty well though . She was running and giggling , and kicking . She did fall over a few times , but was able to get herself back up . But she was also able to catch herself many more times . They mentioned a few other things , such as speech delay , but we will see what come of all of that once she gets home . She reminds me of Emily a lot . She is not going to sit and listen and pay attention unless it interests her , unless it is the right time for her . The 2 of them together , are going to be something else . I can 't waitJ Our visit ended WAY too soon . She went back to her groupa , and we got in to car to do some serious paper chasing . Hours we sat and waited , but the inspector was greatly impressed by how much we had gotten done when we dropped the huge box off at her office . We were finally done for the day , and we were able to come back to our room , unpack , breath , and go down to the restaurant for dinner . I was brave and ordered " a sandwich with bacon " and a vegetable salad . Well the bacon turned out to be ham , and a sandwich turned out to be one small piece of bread with A LOT of butter , the " bacon " and a 2 small pieces of tomato artfully displayed on it . The vegetable salad was a line of tomatoes down the one side of the plate , a line of cucumbers down the other , and a line of sour cream down the middle with onions on it . YUM ! I 'll have that everyday : ) The sandwich was good too . In all it was an exceptional long day . Hopefully the longest that we will have . We are SO happy to have finally had a chance to meet her , hold her , smile and be happy with her , to know where she is and who is caring for her while we can not . We love her , so very much . She is exactly who we thought she was , she is our daughter . Our temporary new home is LOVELY . If we were picky , it could be a little large , have some more storage , and a kitchen area . BUT there is a restaurant here that is very reasonably priced and the food is VERY good . They are trying hard to please us too . They just offered to do our laundry for us , which is really nice and we may have to take them up on that , although I 'd rather do it myself . We just have to walk up a path behind our little house on the hill , and the orphanage is right there . I should also likely comment that our internet isn 't so good . So please wait a little longer . Updates will come as we get access , and photo will come as I get cooperation . So we survived the 16 hour train ride : ) We rode in second class , in the very last cart of a very long train . We had our own little space , which was nice . We must have been on one of the newer trains , because it wasn 't all that bad . When we got on it was HOT , but it cooled off through the night , and the temperature was comfortable for sleeping . They allow smoking in the hall of the train which isn 't overly pleasant , but not nearly as bad as you 'd think . Actually we have been hotel rooms and restaurants that allow smoking that have been MUCH worse then that train was . The bathroom was absolutely disgusting , but I find bathrooms on any vehicle to be disgusting . The real problem with that was when Emily needed to use it . I would normally have held her , but she won 't go that way because I couldn 't keep us still . So Mike took her . I have NO idea how they made it work , but I don 't think I want to know . Surprisingly enough the movement of the train didn 't make me sick , so that was a huge bonus too . Emily did NOT want to sleep on the train , and we spent much of the night encouraging her to be quite as to not disturb everyone else . We could see the stars in the sky as we drove through the night , and I 'm a little disappointed that we didn 't get to see more of what we were driving past , but I wouldn 't really want to take it in the day . Our facilitator stayed in the room next to us , it was nice to have our own space , but know that we were not alone either . We arrived in the city right on time and our driver was waiting for us to help with our language . We crammed as much as we could into his trunk and the rest into the back seat with the 3 of us . Our facilitator sat in the front with her luggage around her . Perhaps we should have packed less , but I haven 't felt like anything we packed has been a waste of space yet . |
Posted 8 / 22 / 08 Hankyung looked at Kyuhyun . He had a shy look on his face , as if it was embarrassing to ask such a question . Yet Hankyung was able to spot a bit of anticipation in his eyes . Kangin was a little reluctant to allow Kyuhyun to have dinner with the rest as he knew how tiring it could be with so many people . He didn 't want Kyuhyun to tire himself when he was still recovering from his illness . " Are you sure you want to have dinner together ? Do you feel well enough ? " Kangin asked , not wanting Kyuhyun to strain himself unnecessarily . Kyuhyun nodded . He really wanted to have dinner with his hyungs . It had been a long time since he had dinner with anyone at all . He was tired of sitting at the table facing the food and having no one to share with , of feeling lonely as he stared at the food . It didn 't matter to him that he was still not at his best , didn 't matter that he might be really exhausted after the dinner . All that mattered was being together with his hyungs again . Kangin looked at the longing in Kyuhyun 's eyes , and caved in . " Alright , but you 'll have to rest first . " Kyuhyun smiled at them and nodded . Hankyung and Kangin felt their faces imitating Kyuhyun 's , both glad to see a trace of happiness on their youngest magnae after all the stress in the past few days . " Kyu , remember what I said to you that day at the hospital ? " Kyuhyun tilted his head at Hankyung . What words ? " That I 'll cook whatever you want ? " Hankyung reminded Kyuhyun . Kyuhyun actually did not forget those words . They were just floating around somewhere in his head because he didn 't really think that Hankyung meant it when he said that . " Anything I want ? " " Anything . " Hankyung replied . Kyuhyun thought about it and listed out several dishes . " Fried rice , kimchi pancake , sushi , mushroom soup . " Hankyung nodded at the suggestions , they were relatively simple to make . " Hyung , can I have chocolate cake for dessert ? " Kyuhyun added softly . " It 's okay if it 's too troublesome . I can do away without it . Rea … " " Nothing is too troublesome for " Things will not be the same anymore . We 've been through too much for things to return to before . You and Kyuhyun will definitely not have the same relationship anymore . " Kangin 's tears began to flow . " It will not be the same because this incident will change you , change him , and change all of us . At the start , it may be awkward between you two , but don 't give up . Give him some time . Give yourself some time to come to grips with what happened . Slowly , you 'll rebuild your relationship with a stronger foundation , and you will be closer than before , because you know simply just how vulnerable relationships are , just how easily they can be broken simply through a dream or someone 's words . Because we know that despite how mature , how strong Kyuhyun may portray himself to be - even if he really is independent and strong , he is a child who grew up too fast in a treacherous world . " Hankyung voiced out the words that he had been saying over and over again to himself when they faced setbacks after setbacks with Kyuhyun , when everything seemed bleak and the future unknown . Kangin nodded , his hyung 's words bringing hope to his heart . His tears turned from tears of sadness and despair to tears of hope and determination . He would take things step by step , slowly showing Kyuhyun that there was nothing to be scared of , that none of them would ever leave him . They stood there for a while , letting out the rollercoaster of emotions they had felt in that day . " Alright , let 's get down to preparing the best dinner for Kyuhyun ! " Kangin pulled out of the hug , wiping the tears off his face . Hankyung nodded and both headed for the kitchen , intent on created the best dinner for Kyuhyun . Kyuhyun waited till his hyungs were out of his sight before letting the pain appear on his face . His back had been hurting a little from sitting in one position for too long , but he didn 't want to let his hyungs know about it as they were already worried enough about his illness . Lying down on the bed , Kyuhyun tried to stretch a little to loosen the musKangin gave all the members a text message asking them to come back early for dinner . He didn 't say why , so the members were all puzzled as they read the message . Is there any occasion that we 're celebrating ? Was the thought that ran through most of their minds . Nonetheless , everyone tried their best to get home as early as possible . Time flew by as Hankyung and Kangin prepared the food . Or rather , Hankyung was cooking while Kangin was just in charge of occasionally cutting the ingredients but mostly , he was in charge of setting up the table . They had decided to have dinner in the living room so that Kyuhyun could be seated at the sofa which would not be too strenuous on his back . One by one the members came home . " We 're back ! " Sungmin and Eunhyuk shouted as they entered the dorm , announcing their presence to everyone . Kangin turned around from his position at the sofa . " Shhh ! Not so loud . Kyuhyun is resting . " The two immediately covered their mouths with their hands and tiptoed into the dorm . Eeteuk and Siwon who followed after them could only shake their heads at the two . " Why did you ask us to come back early ? " Eeteuk asked Kangin . " Kyuhyun wants to have dinner with all of us . " Four of them stopped in their motions . " Kyuhyun . Dinner . All of us . " Kangin spoke word by word . Then it clicked in their minds . Sungmin let out a squeal pulling Siwon into a hug before bouncing over to Eunhyuk to do the same thing . Eeteuk felt the pricks of tears coming . " Hyung , you 're supposed to be happy . Not crying . " Kangin said , knowing what was going to come . " I 'm not crying . Who said I was ? " Eeteuk retorted , tuning away from them , his hand rising suspiciously to his face to wipe the tears from his eyes . Kangin shook his head knowingly . Then the four all went to put their things down first before going to help out with the preparation . " Hannie , do you need help ? " Eeteuk asked as he walked into the kitchen . Hankyung froze . He could still remember what happened the previous time when Eeteuk helped him . " Er , why not you go wake KyuhKyuhyun felt a little dirty having not showered for the past few days when he was too sick to do so . Instead he only changed his clothes and had sponge baths . " Sungmin , would you help Kyuhyun to the bathroom while I grab his clothes ? " Sungmin nodded , helping Kyuhyun up to walk to the bathroom . Kyuhyun had trouble keeping his balance after staying in bed for so long . Sungmin waited for Kyuhyun to stabilise before proceeding . Kyuhyun walked slowly , holding on tightly to Sungmin 's arm . Kyuhyun did his best to keep the pain off his face , even if his grip gave it up to Sungmin . It was as if he had deteriorated to the point when he had just started the physiotherapy when he had just progressed from balancing to walking . None of the two spoke as they made their way to the bathroom . Eeteuk handed the clothes to Kyuhyun . " Hyung ! " " I 'm serious . " Kyuhyun looked at Eeteuk 's face and nodded . Sungmin walked out of the bathroom as Kyuhyun made to close the door . " Remember , 20 minutes . " Eeteuk said again as the door closed on him . Kyuhyun sighed as he heard Eeteuk . He quickly stripped and stepped under the shower , wanting to make full use of the 20 minutes to shower . As he stood under the hot shower , letting the hot water beat on his back , soothing the sore muscles , Kyuhyun closed his eyes . When he was walking to the bathroom , he had a sudden fear that all the progress that he had made in physiotherapy were all for naught . He seemed to be back to one and a half months ago when he had just learned how to walk . Kyuhyun didn 't want that to happen . He wanted to be back with Super Junior as soon as possible . Okay . Don 't fret over it now . You 'll know when you return to physiotherapy in two days . Don 't fret over it right now . Tonight you 're going to enjoy the time with your hyungs . Kyuhyun reasoned with himself . He quickly washed himself though careful not to get his injured hand wet and turned off the water . He hung on to the wall as he made his way out of the shower cubicle not wanting to fall . As he dried his body , Kyuhyun looked into the mirror . It was the first time he was standing in front of his reflection since the day he punched it . The shadow under his eyes had lessened . He no longer looked so pale and tired . He reached out a hand to touch his reflection in the mirror . My hyungs did not leave me . Jong - hyung did not leave me . They are still here . There was no urge to punch the mirror today . Instead Kyuhyun smiled at himself in the mirror . I 'm glad to be here . " Kyuhyun , you have one minute more ! " Eeteuk 's shout came through the door . Kyuhyun quickly grabbed his clothes and put them on . He had no doubt that Eeteuk would break into the bathroom . He didn 't want to appear naked in front of Eeteuk and Sungmin , or anyone for that matter . Kyuhyun draped the towel around his neck and opened the door . Eeteuk 's fist stopped just in front of " There . All good . " Sungmin exclaimed as he stood back to admire his work . Eeteuk nodded next to him . Kyuhyun had no idea what Sungmin did to his hair , but it must not have been something awful since Eeteuk - hyung had agreed as well . " Thank you , Eeteuk - hyung , Min - hyung . " Sungmin flashed a brilliant smile at Kyuhyun while Eeteuk just shook his head . " It was nothing . No need to thank us . " He held Kyuhyun by the arm and guided him to the wall along the corridor for Kyuhyun to hold onto it . " Let 's head to the living room . I hear dinner calling for us . " Kyuhyun nodded and prepared himself for the journey to the living room . I just hope that I don 't fall on the way there . As Kyuhyun settled onto the sofa , the rest of the members came home . Shindong , Heechul , Donghae , Yesung , Kibum and Ryeowook walked in one by one . As Donghae walked past the sofa , he noticed something . " Kyu ! " His word caught the attention of the rest . Kyuhyun waved shyly from his position at the sofa . He was made to stay put as Eeteuk and Sungmin went to help out in the kitchen . So he had spent the time staring at the door , waiting for the rest of his hyungs come back . He knew straight away that his hyungs were back when he heard the key inserted into the doorknob . Kyuhyun sat up straighter . When Donghae noticed him , Kyuhyun managed to wave to them . They all rushed and crowded around him . " Are you feeling better ? " " Why are you alone in the living room ? " They bombarded him with questions , though each of them was really happy to see Kyuhyun sitting up in the living room , instead of being stuck in his room . " No crowding around Kyuhyunnie ! " Eeteuk came out of the kitchen carrying a huge bowl of fried rice . " Go put your bags , wash your hands and come and have dinner . " They nodded to Eeteuk , resigned to not get any answer from Kyuhyun at the moment . Eeteuk watched as they walked off before placing the bowl onto the table . " Stay seated Kyu . You 're not allowed to help . " Eeteuk spoke without looking up , having guessed what Kyuhyun would attempt to do . Kyuhyun was about to stand but sat down when he heard Eeteuk . Eeteuk took a seat next to Kyuhyun and waited for the rest to come out . Siwon , Eunhyuk , Sungmin , Kangin and Hankyung carried the rest of the food out . The utensils were already set out on the table . The rest came back to the living room to see a spread of food on the table . " Fried rice ! " That came from Yesung . " Kimchi pancake . Wow ! " Ryeowook exclaimed . " Sushi ! " Donghae clapped his hands . " Oh Kyungie , you know me so well . You cooked mushroom soup . " Heechul reached out for the soup straight away . Hankyung and Kangin stared at each other . So all the food he asked for were not for him ? They turned to Kyuhyun , who was n " Make a wish and cut your cake Kyu . " Kyuhyun looked at his hyungs receiving nods from all of them . He had not expected such a cake when he had asked Hankyung to make it for him . He held the knife with two hands about the cake . He made the wish in his heart . I wish that we will be one family . " Let 's take a picture ! Everyone try and squeeze ! " Donghae said as he arranged the camera properly . " Okay . Ready ? " Donghae did not wait for a reply as he pressed the timer . Donghae dashed over and found himself a spot before the timer went off . " Can we eat the cake hyung ? " Shindong asked as they settled back down . Hankyung nodded and proceeded to slice the cake . When each of them had a piece they began eating . Kyuhyun ate about half his slice before placing the plate on his lap . He had already been leaning on the sofa as everyone talked around him . He was contented to just listen to them . As he let the voices washed over his head , Kyuhyun felt himself drifting off to sleep , his hand losing the grip on the plate which sat on his lap . " Kyuhyunnie ! Do you … " Sungmin looked up at Kyuhyun as he spoke when he noticed that Kyuhyun was asleep . The rest were puzzled as to why Sungmin stopped midway of his question . They all followed his gaze . Kyuhyun was sleeping with a contented look on his face . They smiled . " Alright , it 's time to clear up . Siwon - ah , carry Kyuhyun to his bed late with Kibummie . The rest go clean up . " Eeteuk instructed . Kibum nodded , removing the plate from Kyuhyun 's lap . Siwon stood up and walked towards Kyuhyun . He carried Kyuhyun on his back and walked to Kyuhyun 's room with Kibum . Eeteuk sat by his seat at the sofa watching Siwon carry Kyuhyun and watching as the rest cleaned up with happy looks on their faces even if they didn 't like to clean at all . He let a smile grace his lips . Things will be better . Posted 8 / 22 / 08 Yesung yawned as he nursed a cup of coffee in the kitchen . Even though it was not that early , he still felt like sleeping . But Eeteuk - hyung had woken him up , telling him that they were all leaving the dorm now and that he was leaving Kyuhyun in his hands . Yesung nodded , sitting up on his bed . He shuffled his way to the kitchen as he always do every morning after brushing his teeth and started the coffee machine . He couldn 't possibly take care of Kyuhyun when his brain was half asleep . As the aroma of the hot coffee filled the kitchen , Yesung felt his brain wake a little . Pouring a generous cup for himself , Yesung sat down at the table savouring his coffee . He was so engrossed in his coffee that he did not notice someone walking into the kitchen until he heard the chair scratched the floor . That 's weird . Who could it be ? No one is at home except me and Kyuhyun . Yesung lifted his eyes to the side , glancing at the person next to him . Oh . It 's Kyuhyun . Yesung stared at Kyuhyun . I forgot that Kyuhyun is not restricted to bed anymore . Wake up brain . Yesung took another gulp of his coffee . " Good morning Yesung - hyung . " Kyuhyun said as he sat down gingerly on the chair . Yesung mumbled something incomprehensive into his cup as he took another mouth of the black hot coffee . Kyuhyun hid a smile behind his hand . It was obvious that Yesung was not fully awake yet . It was always fun to see his hyung look so grouchy in the morning . It was always fun to observe Yesung 's reactions early in the morning before he was fully awake as long as one did not come between Yesung and his coffee . Pray that no one ever does . Kyuhyun would never think of getting in between a sleepy Yesung and his coffee . Kyuhyun turned his thoughts to food . He looked around the kitchen , searching for something to eat . His appetite was slowly returning as the illness began to lose its hold on him . He spotted a cereal box on the table near the sink . He was about to push himself up to get it when Yesung placed a hand on his . " Let me get it for you . " Before Kyuhyun could say anything , Yesung had stood up and walked towards the sink to put his cup . Yesung , though he was still sleepy , was still observant to Kyuhyun 's needs . Kyuhyun simply sat down on the chair again and waited , seeing that by the time he made a protest Yesung would have already prepared the cereal . Yesung walked back to the table holding two bowls of cereal . He placed it in front of Kyuhyun as he sat down . " Eat . You need to eat more . " He looked at Kyuhyun until " Are you sure you want to go out with just you and me ? We might be mobbed by fans . Ryeowook and Shindong will be back just after lunch . We can go with them then k ? " Yesung didn 't want to bring Kyuhyun out on his own . He would not be able to protect Kyuhyun from over - enthusiastic fans alone . Kyuhyun looked at Yesung , conceding the point about the fans . " Wookie - hyung and Shindong - hyung are coming back later ? " Yesung nodded . " Will they want to accompany us ? What if they 're tired ? " Kyuhyun didn 't want to force his hyungs to go out if they wanted to rest . " Don 't worry about that . We 'll ask them later . I promise even if they don 't want to go , I 'll bring you out on my own later . " Yesung tried to assure Kyuhyun , even though he knew that Ryeowook and Shindong would definitely be glad to go out with Kyuhyun . Kyuhyun nodded and proceeded to finish his cereal . " What shall we do in the meantime ? " Yesung said as he brought the bowls to the wash basin . Kyuhyun leaned on the chair , thinking . He could not really think of what to do because his mind was just filled with the outing and the impending physiotherapy session the next day . " Kyuhyunnie , do you want to practice some singing ? We can always play on the keyboard in my room . " Yesung suggested , thinking that Kyuhyun would love to sing . He was right . " Really ? We can do that , Hyung ? " Yesung dried his hands with a cloth and turned to Kyuhyun . " Yes we can . In fact we can start right now . " Yesung walked to Kyuhyun , offering his help . Kyuhyun smiled as he stood up . He held on to Yesung 's hand as they walked to the room . Walking was not as strenuous as yesterday though his speed was still very slow as compared to the day they went to the park . Yesung led Kyuhyun to the bed , letting him sit on the edge first before helping Kyuhyun move further into the bed to lean against the wall . Yesung made sure Kyuhyun was comfortable before he went to find his scores . Kyuhyun was secretly happy for the chance to sing . With his mother 's illness andAfter an hour plus of practicing , Yesung called a stop to it . " Okay , we should stop here . You shouldn 't suddenly practice too much . " Yesung turned towards Kyuhyun , who was still absorbed in the music . " Kyuhyunnie , I 've stopped playing . " Kyuhyun opened his eyes and looked at Yesung . He blushed when he saw that Yesung 's hands were not on the keyboard . Yesung laughed heartily at Kyuhyun walking over to sit by Kyuhyun on the bed . " You 've really missed singing right ? " Kyuhyun nodded , leaning his head on the wall . Yesung looked at Kyuhyun , who still had a blissful look on his face . He contemplated whether he should say it , or simply echo the in his heart . " We 've missed you . " Yesung stared at Kyuhyun as he said that . Yesung wanted to say that to Kyuhyun for a long time ever since the accident . He had the feeling that few or none had ever said that to Kyuhyun before , not even from Super Junior . But Yesung really wanted to just tell Kyuhyun his feelings . Kyuhyun looked at Yesung in astonishment , proving Yesung right with his thoughts . Kyuhyun did not think that his presence was sorely missed in a group of thirteen . He might have felt their love through their actions , but he had never had it said out loud to him before . Yesung knew how powerful words could be - whoever that said that words did not hurt was an idiot . The proof was right in front of him . Kyuhyun continued to look at Yesung with astonishment and happiness etched on his face . Yesung just did not expect those three words to mean that much to Kyuhyun . Kyuhyun leaned forward to hug his hyung , whispering into his ear . " I 've missed you all . " Yesung smiled , feeling the prick in his eyes . It was the first time Kyuhyun had voiced out his feelings for them in words . Usually , one had to guess Kyuhyun 's true feelings as he never told anyone how he felt towards them . Yesung patted Kyuhyun gently on the head , before gently breaking out of the hug . " You should get some sleep if you want to go out later . You 're still not at your best yet . " Kyuhyun nodded , even if he didn 't feel like sleeping then . Yesung got off the bed and was about to help Kyuhyun when he remembered . " Oh ! Kyu , stay there . I 'm supposed to change your bandage . " Yesung ran out of the room to get the first aid box , leaving Kyuhyun on the bed . Kyuhyun stared at his hand . He had almost forgotten about the wound on his hand . It didn 't hurt , it didn 't disturb him in anyway , unlike his other injury , and hence the hand injury was not at the forefront of his mind . Yesung came back into the room holding the first aid kit . He took out a scissors and cut the bandage . Gently and slowly , Yesung peeled the bandage off Kyuhyun 's hand , exposing the cuts - filled hand to Kyuhyun . It was the first time Kyuhyun was seeing his injury . He really didn 't think that it looked so severe . It did not seem to hurt enough for an injury with so many cuts . Yesung dabbed the antiseptic onto the wound , ready to stop anytime he sensed that Kyuhyun was inKittyKatwithfluff 1455 cr points Send Message : Posted 8 / 22 / 08 Ryeowook and Shindong entered their dorm , noticing the quietness of the house . " Wookie - hyung ! Shindong - hyung ! " The exclamation made Ryeowook and Shindong swivel towards the voice . Kyuhyun was sitting on at the sofa , all dressed for a walk . " Kyu ! Where are you going ? " Ryeowook asked as he dropped his bag and plonked himself on the sofa next to Kyuhyun . " Yesung - hyung said that we could go for a walk . Oh , Wookie - hyung do you two want to join us ? Yesung - hyung said something about potentially being mobbed by fans . " Kyuhyun rambled off in his excitement . He really wanted to go for a walk , to see the scenery around him , to see the people just leading their lives . He wanted to do it before he went for physiotherapy tomorrow . He wanted to enjoy one last day before plunging himself into the road to recovery that would be filled with stones , rocks and potholes . Ryeowook was actually going to agree to the walk when Kyuhyun asked them to join . However Kyuhyun rambled on , not allowing Ryeowook to have a word edgewise . When he heard the part about being mobbed , he looked at Shindong . Now they were even surer that they would be going with Kyuhyun and Yesung . There was no way that the two were going alone . " Kyu , we 'll both go with you two . " Shindong answered for Ryeowook . " By the way , where 's Yesungie ? " Shindong asked , having looked all over for Yesung 's presence . " Hyung is changing . " Kyuhyun answered . He would be bouncing on his feet if he thought that his body could take it . Kyuhyun was simply really excited to get out of the house . He loved being with his hyungs , but being stuck inside for too long took its toll on Kyuhyun . He wanted to experience the wind , smell the grass , enjoy the sunshine , and even listen to the sounds of people rushing about getting through the day . Shindong chuckled at the sight of Kyuhyun trying to stop himself from getting too excited , but failing terribly . Kyuhyun was shifting from foot to foot , trying to contain his excitement , but one look at his face , ShIt was a slow long walk at Kyuhyun 's pace . He was enjoying the sun shining down upon him , feeling the warmth . He really enjoyed the sunshine after being deprived of it since the day they had a picnic . Kyuhyun listened to the hustle and bustle around him as people rushed about around him . It told him that time went on , people carried on with their days no matter what . It gave Kyuhyun a little strength , a little hope that he too would be able to get through and be there with his hyungs again . Shindong walked behind Kyuhyun while Ryeowook and Yesung walked by Kyuhyun 's sides to prevent people from bumping into him . Lucky for them , there were not many people walking around at this time and so far , no one had paid any special attention to them , despite their slow pace . Ryeowook kept an arm on Kyuhyun , guiding him as his dongsaeng marvelled at the sights around him . " Let 's head towards here . There 's a playground that is quite secluded where we can stay at . " Ryeowook said , pointing to the road on the left . Shindong and Yesung agreed , turning left . They were not going to travel too far from their dorm as they did not want Kyuhyun to tire himself before his physiotherapy session the next day . As they walked down the road , the scenery changed from the rush of the city filled with cars to a quiet peaceful place surrounded by trees and birds . Kyuhyun watched in amazement as the birds flew around them . As they walked on , a playground came into sight . There were slides , swings , see - saws and a round - about where a few young children were playing . Ryeowook brought them towards the swings which were empty . Kyuhyun sat down , keeping the sigh from escaping . He still was not used to taking walks , although he was really happy that he got to come out from the house . His hips were a little sore , but it didn 't matter because he was with his hyungs . He smiled as he looked at the little kids running around the playground . " Kyuhyunnie , do you want some water ? " Yesung asked as he took out a bottle from his bag . Kyuhyun mumbThe same thought echoed in their minds . They could all predict how Eeteuk was panicking in the dorm at the moment . Ryeowook , Shindong and Yesung knew that Eeteuk would definitely want to go out to find them straight away , especially since Kyuhyun was with them . Now they had to figure out a way to get home fast , since the sun was setting and it would be dark soon . They had so much fun swinging and observing Kyuhyun that they had forgotten about the time . There was no way they were going to run home with Kyuhyun . " Never mind , let 's continue walking first . Maybe we 'll come across a payphone to call them . " Shindong suggested , figuring that standing still was not going to help the situation . " Why not let 's take a taxi back ? " Kyuhyun suggested from his position next to Ryeowook . Shindong and Yesung looked at Kyuhyun . Why didn 't they think of that ? " I forgot that we could do that . Let 's walk to the main road and flag for a taxi . " Yesung said , telling them to carry on walking towards the main road . They walked on and managed to flag a taxi when they reached the main road . They piled into the taxi with Shindong sitting in front telling the driver where to go . Kyuhyun leaned onto Ryeowook , contented to have spent the half the day singing with his hyung , and the other half outside with his hyungs . " Kyu , sleep . I 'll wake you up later . " Ryeowook said , knowing that Kyuhyun would be tired after the walking . It was the first time Kyuhyun was up and about since his illness . Kyuhyun shook his head , just wanting to lean on his hyung . Kyuhyun was tired , but he did not dare to sleep . The last time he had fallen asleep in a moving vehicle , he had ended up in a hospital . He didn 't want to wake up in a hospital again . Hankyung , Kangin , Eeteuk and Siwon returned home together , being the second group to finish their schedule for the day . They were talking as they entered the dorm , discussing about their schedules . The conversation drifted off when they noticed that the dorm was eerily quiet . They all knew that Yesung was supposed to be home with Kyuhyun , and that Ryeowook and Shindong had the afternoon off . At first , they didn 't think much about it . Ryeowook and Shindong might have gone out , and Yesung could be in Kyuhyun 's room , looking after a sleeping Kyuhyun . At least that was how Eeteuk tried to reason in his head , suppressing the instinct to panic . He walked towards Kyuhyun 's room , not noticing Ryeowook 's and Shindong 's bags sitting near the sofa . The door was opened and Eeteuk could see that no one was inside . " Kyuhyunnie ? Yesungie ? " Eeteuk called out gently , wondering if they could be hiding somewhere . He headed to all the rooms , feeling the panic rising in him as more and more rooms he searched were empty . When he checked the last room and there was still no Kyuhyun or Yesung , the panic exploded . Eeteuk ran out to the living room shouting for Kyuhyun and Yesung . Kangin and Siwon had settled on the sofa figuring that Eeteuk had found the two when they had not heard any exclamation from him . They jumped up when they heard Eeteuk shout . Hankyung who was heading to the kitchen to cook food for dinner stopped in his steps . " What … " " They 're not in the house ! " Eeteuk cut Hankyung off . " I can 't find them anywhere ! " Worry appeared on all their faces as they heard Eeteuk . Where could the two have gone to ? Kyuhyun was still recovering from his illness . " Hyung , calm down . Maybe we should try calling them . " Kangin reasoned , refusing to panic just yet . Eeteuk immediately reached for his phone in his bag , taking it out to call Yesung . His hands were trembling so much that Siwon took the phone away from him , dialling the number for him . As Siwon held the phone to his ear , everyone 's eyes were on him . Siwon shook his head after a while . " He 's not answering . " " Try Kyu 's phone . " Hankyung said . " I 'll call Wookie . " Hankyung took out his phone and dialled . Kangin also searched for his to call Shindong . Siwon was the first to shake his head . " Kyu 's phone is not switched on . " Siwon returned the phone to Eeteuk , who started pacing around the room . Two tones simultaneously rang through the room , coming from the same corner . All four heads turned towards the ringing , finally spotting the bags on the floor , recognising them as Ryeowook 's and Shindong 's . Hankyung and Kangin both hung up , worry becoming more evident on their faces . Just then , the door opened . All four heads swerved towards the door , hoping . " I 'm back ? " Donghae 's voice went from loud to timid when he saw four pairs of eyes staring at him as he opened the door . He backed away , closing the door as well . " What are you doing , Hae ? Why aren 't you entering the dorm ? " Eunhyuk asked Donghae , getting nods from Heechul , Sungmin and Kibum . " Hyung and Siwon were all staring at me . " Donghae said with fear in his voice , pointing towards the door . " Why are they staring at you ? " Sungmin asked , not getting the reason . Donghae shook his head , bewildered as well . Kibum took a look at Donghae and at the door , reaching out to open it . " No , Bummie . " Donghae cried . " Standing here won 't solve why they were staring at you , Hae - hyung . " Kibum answeIt was a short journey back and before long , they reached their dorm . They got off the taxi , thanking the driver who was willing to drive that short distance and boarded the lift . When they reached the door , Yesung took a deep breath before inserting his key and opening the door . " Hyung ! " Kibum 's cry made everyone stand up and Eeteuk stop in his pacing . Kibum ushered them in , closing the door after them . Before Eeteuk could say anything , Yesung walked up to him and whispered to his ears . " Hyung , could you save the scolding for later ? Kyuhyun 's tired . Let 's settle him first . " Eeteuk closed his mouth , looking at Kyuhyun . He was leaning on Ryeowook , looking happy but tired . Kyuhyun said a soft ' Hello , Hyung ' to everyone when he saw the rest . He stood a little straighter , removing his weight from Ryeowook . Eeteuk nodded , conceding the point . " Kyu , go take a bath while Hankyung makes dinner . " Eeteuk instructed Ryeowook to help Kyuhyun . Dinner was ready by the time Kyuhyun was done showering . They all settled around the living room again , eating . Kyuhyun managed to finish all the food that was given to him , receiving pleased smiles from around the table . They were all glad to see Kyuhyun eating more to regain the weight he should not have lost . Kyuhyun swallowed his medicine , giving in to the tiredness that was trying to grab him . " So Kyu , where did you go just now ? " Kyuhyun brought his drooping eyes to Sungmin , his eyes brightening a little as he thought back to his walk . " We went for a walk . And we were playing at the swing . It was really fun to swing so high with Yesung - hyung . " Kyuhyun yawned , ending his explanation . Though his explanation was short , Sungmin could tell that Kyuhyun truly enjoyed the outing . It was good for Kyuhyun to relax himself after all the stress from the accident . Seeing the yawn , Eeteuk said . " Why not you go to bed Kyuhyunnie ? You look sleepy . " Kyuhyun tilted his head at Eeteuk . " Come . " Eeteuk gently guided Kyuhyun to stand and led him to his room together with Kibum . Before Kyuhyun left the living room , he said . " Thank you Yesung - hyung , Wookie - hyung and Shindong - hyung for bringing me out today . " This brought bright smiles from Yesung and Shindong , and a slight blush from Ryeowook . Eeteuk tucked Kyuhyun into bed with the blue blanket , handing him his elephant . " Sweet dreams Kyuhyun . " Kibum said , watching as Kyuhyun 's eyes closed . " Teukie - hyung , don 't scold Yesung - hyung . It was me who wanted to go out . " Kyuhyun mumbled before drifting off . Eeteuk shook his head at Kyuhyun 's words . Don 't you ever change Kyu . Don 't ever change . Eeteuk and Kibum gently shut the door as they left . The living room was silent as Eeteuk walked back in . They had cleared the dishes away when Eeteuk and Kibum were with Kyuhyun . Yesung sat up straighter , bracing himself for the inevitable scolding . Eeteuk sat down and looked at Yesung . " I 'm sorry Umma . " Yesung apologised . Shindong and Ryeowook also added their apologies refusing to let Yesung carry the blame by himself before Eeteuk could say anything . " Did you know how worried I was - we were - when we couldn 't find the two of you in the house ? You could have at least left a message . " Surprisingly it was Kangin who exploded and not Eeteuk . Yesung 's head bowed even lower . " We could not even find any of you on your phones ! What if something happened while you were out ? " Eeteuk placed a hand on Kangin 's arm . Kangin calmed down slightly , huffing and passing the stage back to Eeteuk . " Now that you know what you 've done wrong , don 't do it again . Next time leave a message or call one of us if you planned to leave the house . This applies to all of you . " Eeteuk looked at the rest , making sure that all of them got the message . " As punishment , you three will wash the dishes tonight . The rest of you , go and shower then rest . " They all stared at Eeteuk . That 's all ? Yesung had expected a much longer scolding from Eeteuk about taking care of your dongsaengs . " What ? " Eeteuk asked the rest when none of them seemed to be moving . Only Kibum hid a smile behind his hand . " Er , that 's all Umma ? Nothing else ? " Shindong timidly voiced out . Eeteuk nodded . " That 's all . What else do you want ? " Shindong did not answer him . " I 'm not that evil . Besides , I could tell how happy Kyuhyunnie was from the outing . If none of you are going to bathe , I shall claim the bathroom . " EeteuKittyKatwithfluff 1455 cr points Send Message : Posted 8 / 22 / 08 Kyuhyun woke up early the next day , happy yet anxious about the day before him . It had been a long time since he had been to the hospital to visit the children , and he was looking forward to seeing some of them again . He did wished that perhaps this time some of the children would have recovered well enough to go home but he also wanted to see them again . Despite this anticipation , it could not over - ride the anxiousness he felt with regards to the impending physiotherapy session . Kyuhyun knew that he had not been following the regime set by his physiotherapist and he had also done things - such as carrying heavy items and squatting - that were forbidden by his physiotherapist . He didn 't want to imagine his physiotherapist 's reaction when he learned about it . Kyuhyun took his time to dress himself and to pack his bag , making sure that he brought the presents he had prepared for the children . He didn 't want to rush around later to find his things . Satisfied , Kyuhyun stood slowly and walked out of the room . " Good morning , Eeteuk - hyung . " Kyuhyun met Eeteuk as they both headed towards the kitchen . " Ah , Kyuhyunnie , why are you up so early ? I thought your session is at 10 am . " Eeteuk looked at Kyuhyun , puzzled since it was only slightly past eight in the morning . " I woke up early . " Kyuhyun continued his search for food inside the kitchen . Eeteuk was left standing at the door , staring at his dongsaeng 's back , thinking whether there was a double meaning to his statement . " Hyung , why are you standing by the door ? " Sungmin rubbed his eyes as he tapped Eeteuk on the back . Sungmin was carrying his stuffed bunny in his hand , looking blearily at Eeteuk . Eeteuk shook his head and walked in to help Kyuhyun with breakfast . " Min - ah , you shouldn 't bring your toy into the kitchen . It 'll be dirty . " Sungmin looked at his bunny , then at Eeteuk . " But Umma , I 'm not in the kitchen . I 'm just standing by the door . " Kyuhyun chuckled . Only Min - hyung can come up with such a statement . Eeteuk was left staring at the empty space where Sungmin previously stood as Sungmin went back to the room to wash up . Kyuhyun 's chuckles brought Eeteuk back to reality . Eeteuk turned to Kyuhyun who was making oatmeal by the stove . " Kyuhyunnie , let me help you . " Without giving Kyuhyun a chance to react , Eeteuk took the spoon from Kyuhyun . Kyuhyun wanted to protest , but upon seeing his hyung 's determined look , Kyuhyun gave in . He settled for preparing the bowls that would be used later , placing the bowls next to the stove . Eeteuk smiled at that gesture before turning back to the oatmeal with a serious expression . Kyuhyun wondered for a moment if oatmeal was that hard to cook , before deciding to ignore it . He set the spoons on the table and poured two glasses of orange juice and a glass of milk . If Eeteuk knew that he did those things , perhaps Eeteuk would have concluded that stirring a pot of oatmeal would be easier for Kyuhyun . As Kyuhyun sat down on the chair , he spotted Sungmin . " Min - hyung , breakfast is almost ready . Do you want to eat ? " Sungmin nodded from his position at the door , having changed out of his " Hyung ? " Kyuhyun asked puzzled from his position at the table . Why is Sungmin - hyung staring at Eeteuk - sshi as if he 's an alien ? Sungmin hurriedly made his way to Kyuhyun , taking a seat next to him . He whispered to Kyuhyun as if setting up a conspiracy . " Why is Umma cooking ? " " ' Cos he volunteered … ? " Kyuhyun answered with a question , not understanding Sungmin 's secrecy even as he whispered back . The reason he gave seemed perfectly logical in Kyuhyun 's head even if he wanted to make breakfast by himself once . Kyuhyun wanted things to return to normal , not necessarily the way it had been before the accident . He knew in his heart that there was no way for things to stay the same , but being an independent person for nearly his whole life , Kyuhyun did not feel comfortable with people taking care of him , of his every needs twenty four seven . But Kyuhyun was still thankful for the attention showered on him . It made him feel loved for the few times in his life . Sungmin stared at Eeteuk before turning back to Kyuhyun . " But he can 't cook ! " Sungmin murmured to Kyuhyun . " Really ? " Kyuhyun peeked at Eeteuk from the corner of his eyes . " But he seems perfectly at ease . " " Looks are deceiving Kyu . " Sungmin and Kyuhyun scouted closer to each other , observing Eeteuk . Eeteuk did not hear any of the whispering behind him as he happily stirred the oatmeal , waiting for it to be ready . " The last time Teukie - Umma tried to cook , Hannie - hyung chased him out of the kitchen . " Kyuhyun gave Sungmin an incredulous look , not really believing the statement . " It 's true . Hannie forbid Eeteuk to touch anything on the stove . " " But he 's only making oatmeal . And not from scratch . I was already halfway through cooking it when he took over . Nothing can go wrong right ? " Sungmin shook his head . " Hopefully . " " Alright . Breakfast 's ready . " Eeteuk turned to face them holding two bowls in his hand . The two shared a look before they looked at the bowls placed in front of them . It looked normal , like oatmeal . Kyuhyun picked up a spoon and scooped up some oatmeal . Sungmin watched on anxiously as Kyuhyun placed the spoon into his mouth . Kyuhyun swallowed the oatmeal . " It tastes alright Hyung . Nothing is burnt . " Sungmin , believing his dongsaeng 's words though a little doubt remained , ate a mouthful as well . " It actually tastes like oatmeal ! " Eeteuk coughed from his position across Kyuhyun , having choked on his oatmeal . " What do you mean it actually tastes like oatmeal ? " Eeteuk pouted at Sungmin . " Er … " " Min - hyung means that it 's really delicious , right Hyung ? " Kyuhyun nudged Sungmin . Sungmin nodded immediately , agreeing with Kyuhyun . " Really ? But all I did was stirring the oatmeal . " Eeteuk , although he denied the effort of making the oatmeal taste good , was pleased with the words . It was the first time he was praised for his cooking , though Eeteuk knew that he really didn 't do much . " Are you all done ? " Eeteuk asked , standing up . He received nods from the other two and he reached over to collect the two bowls . " Hyung , I 'll wash it . " Sungmin stood up , gently taking the bowls and spoons from Eeteuk . Having handed the bowls to Sungmin , Eeteuk turned to Kyuhyun only to find Kyuhyun standing already . " Shall we get ready to leave ? " Kyuhyun nodded , heading to his room to pick up his bag . Eeteuk went to his room to prepare as well . Kyuhyun sat down on the sofa , trying to wear his socks . It had been a while since he had to wear socks that he had forgotten how to wear them with his injuries . He was not allowed to bend his leg close to himself on the side with the hip injury , while he also could not bend down all the way to reach his foot . Kyuhyun sighed . He needed to re - master the technique of wearing his socks again . I can 't even wear my own socks . He was so frustrated that he almost threw his socks towards the wall when they were gently removed from his hands as his hands were tenderly lowered . " It 's okay . We 'll take it one step at a time , Kyu . You have not worn your socks for the past few weeks . It 's natural that you are not used to wearing it with your injury . " Eeteuk 's soft , soothing voice travelled to Kyuhyun 's ears , calming Kyuhyun down . Kyuhyun knew that , he truly knew everything that Eeteuk had said . But knowing it in his head was different from knowing it in his heart . Kyuhyun kept his head lowered as Eeteuk helped him to put on his socks . Kyuhyun couldn 't help but feel embarrassed that he could not even do a simple thing such as wearing his own socks . At this rate , when will I return to stage ? Eeteuk looked up at Kyuhyun from his kneeling position after helping Kyuhyun put on his socks . He knew that for someone with a strong independent streak like Kyuhyun ; it was hard for him to accept help for something as simple as wearing socks . And knowing Kyuhyun , Eeteuk was sure that Kyuhyun was berating himself right now . " Kyu , look at me . " Eeteuk said in a seriousUpon reaching the hospital , they headed to the doctor first for Kyuhyun 's check - up . It didn 't take long as the doctor just wanted to check on the speed of recovery of Kyuhyun 's hip injury and whether he was having any breathing problems . " Kyuhyun - sshi , no carrying of heavy items . You 're recovering relatively well , but you strained your back and hip a little for bending down and carrying heavy items . You shouldn 't be doing that . Get help from your family or friends if there is a need to carry heavy items . If you strain your back or hip even more , it will take a longer time for you to recover and it may affect your recovery rate . " Kyuhyun nodded at the doctor . He had known and had taken the risk willingly when he picked up his mother from the floor that day . But his hyungs did not know that . Eeteuk and Sungmin were staring at Kyuhyun , wondering exactly what their dongsaeng did . Why would Kyuhyun endanger himself like that ? They didn 't know the reason and thus they couldn 't understand his actions . They felt strangely disappointed at Kyuhyun for not taking care of his body . As they stood to leave the office , the doctor asked Eeteuk to stay behind . Eeteuk indicated for them to head towards the physiotherapy room first and he would meet up with them later . Eeteuk turned back towards the doctor . " Jungsu - sshi , I understand that Kyuhyun - sshi stays with you at the dorm right ? " Eeteuk nodded , not knowing where this conversation was going . " I would like to ask you to pay close attention to him , but not so much as to overwhelm him . I know that he is a very eager student at his physiotherapy session , always surpassing all the targets his physiotherapist set for him . But I 'm worried about his mental self . I 'm not saying that he 's crazy " - The doctor immediately clarified seeing Eeteuk 's raised eyebrows - " It 's just that I think he hides a lot of things from others . There is a need to slowly get him to reveal bit by bit , so that he can heal . From his stay at the hospital , I suspect that ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Kyuhyun and Sungmin walked in silence towards the room . Kyuhyun was thinking about his mother for the first time in days . He was thinking if she had fully recovered from her illness and whether someone was taking care of her . Kyuhyun was trying hard not to think of what the doctor had said of his recovery rate . He was trying to lock that out of his mind . Somewhere in his mind , there was a thought of whether it was worth it to risk his dream for his mother , to risk being with all his hyungs for his mother . Kyuhyun shook his head . She 's your mother . Whatever you do will be worth it . Kyuhyun tried to convince himself , feeling guilty for thinking bad about his mother . But his mother had never reciprocated all his feelings and hard work . Instead all he got were cold shoulders and even the occasional slap . He doubted that his mother even knew what he had almost sacrificed for her . Kyuhyun was willing to risk it all for his mother , but after so many years of pure neglect , Kyuhyun was tired of making any efforts anymore . He was tired of always being the one to initiate any contact between the two . He was tired of feeling the cold shower wash over him when nothing he did pleased his mother . Why can 't Mother look at me in the eyes for once ? Why ? All he ever wanted was for his mother to praise him once for something he did . Sungmin was looking at Kyuhyun with a little disappointment written on his face . He couldn 't understand how Kyuhyun had strained his back . He knew how much Kyuhyun wanted to rejoin them again , having heard from Kibum . But if he wanted to join us as soon as possible , he would not have done anything that might strain his back . " Kyuhyun . " Sungmin called out , snapping Kyuhyun out of his spiralling thoughts into darkness . " Why did you carry heavy things ? " There was a little bit of reproach that could be heard from Sungmin 's voice . Kyuhyun shifted subtly away from Sungmin . He had learned from experience that bad things occurred with such tone especially when coupled with a disappointed look . BuKittyKatwithfluff 1455 cr points Send Message : Posted 8 / 22 / 08 Kibum messaged Eeteuk as he entered the hospital , informing Eeteuk that he had finished with his schedule and was going to meet up with them after Kyuhyun 's physiotherapy session . Stopping to ask the nurse where the physiotherapy session was held , Kibum carried his bag and headed to the room . Kibum didn 't ask where they were as he assumed that they would be waiting for Kyuhyun outside of the room . This would be the first time any of them was accompanying Kyuhyun to the physiotherapy session as none of them were willing to let Kyuhyun travel by himself to the hospital . If I could , I 'll keep him in my sight forever . Kibum felt as though every time Kyuhyun was out of his sights , something bad would happen to him . It had been two close calls that had left all of them shaken out of their wits . But now , they were making some progress , even if it was slow . Kibum knew that Kyuhyun was feeling better and more reassured of his relationship with the rest of them in the past few days especially with the outing he took with Yesung , Ryeowook and Shindong . It was the first time that all of them had spent so much time with Kyuhyun and Kibum was sure that it played a part in improving their relationship with each other . Kibum arrived in front of the room , but he didn 't spot Eeteuk or Sungmin anywhere near . Kibum looked about trying to see if he could find his hyungs but there was no one in sight . Kibum shrugged and looked into the room . Maybe they 're inside . Kibum only saw Kyuhyun and the therapist in the room , but what he saw made Kibum pushed open the door immediately . Kyuhyun had begun the physiotherapy lesson slowly . His physiotherapist had wanted him to take it slow and steady as he had not gone for a lesson for about two weeks . The therapist wanted to track his progress before deciding on anything . Kyuhyun was progressing well on the light weights , feeling only a little stretched on his back and leg . It was normal to feel a bit stretched as it meant that he was doing it correctly . Kyuhyun was sweating from the exercises that he was doing and he was trying very hard to concentrate on the exercises he was doing instead of the words that Sungmin had said . Then they progressed to the walking . The physiotherapist was impressed with Kyuhyun 's progress . Despite not making it for the lessons , Kyuhyun still kept up his progress and even improved a little . Kyuhyun was able to walk the whole distance without once reaching out to hold the poles next to him . It was an achievement by itself . Hence the therapist decided to progress to the next stage of the physiotherapy - the treadmill . Having regained enough strength and balance in his legs , Kyuhyun was on task to recover well . " Kyuhyun - sshi , we 're going to try the treadmill today . I know it 's your first time on it so we 'll be taking it slow . You 're going to try a slight jog on the treadmill . I 'll set it at the slowest speed . Just try your best to jog . But at any point if you feel that you can 't keep up with the pace or if your back or leg hurt , tell me . " Kyuhyun nodded at the words , composing himself as he stood on the treadmill . He would do his best . He would show it to Sungmin - hyung and the rest of his hyungs that he wanted to be back on stage with them , that he didn 't want to be left behind again . He would prove his worth and his dedication to the group . Kyuhyun nodded to his therapist indicating that he was ready to start anytime . The machine started . Kyuhyun began to jog slowly , trying to get used to the movements . He had been so used to taking things slow that his body seemed to have forgotten how to move fasSungmin walked down the corridor to the lift to wait for Eeteuk there . He needed to sort out his feelings . Sungmin still could not figure out why he had said that to Kyuhyun . He was disappointed , but not to the point that he felt that Kyuhyun was not committed enough to Super Junior . Sungmin knew how hard Kyuhyun had worked since joining Super Junior with his vocal training and dance training , especially since the incident that had scared all of them . Sungmin could not understand how he could have doubted Kyuhyun 's dedication towards them . He was so disappointed that he could not think straight . I 'll be just like his mother if I don 't do anything about it . Sungmin knew that he had to apologise and he had to try ; no he had to convince Kyuhyun that he did not mean it . Sungmin was so absorbed in his self - reproaching that he did not notice Eeteuk walking up towards him from the bench outside the doctor 's room . Eeteuk sat on the chair , wondering about what he was going to do next with Kyuhyun . He had suspected - they all had - that Kyuhyun was seriously neglected at home . It was just that Eeteuk had not suspected that it began at such a young age . To learn that his parents divorced when he was seven was also startling . Hearing from the doctor about some of the things Kyuhyun did when he was younger made Eeteuk really mad at his parents and those who had bullied Kyuhyun . It made Kyuhyun who he was today - a brilliant and polite singer who was totally in need of love from his family ; someone who doubted his ability , who doubted his place with anyone , who was always cautious about others ' reaction which made him such an empathetic person , who did not place his trust in others , protecting himself at a distance from everyone . Eeteuk wanted to rectify all that , he wanted Kyuhyun to know his own value , to know that he was appreciated and that he belonged . Eeteuk agreed with the doctor . It was time to make a move , instead of waiting for Kyuhyun to open up to them . That was their job as Kyuhyun 's hyungs . And they were going to do a brilliant job at it . Eeteuk stood up and nodded to himself . He needed to involve others in his plan and he would explain to everyone later tonight . Eeteuk headed to the physiotherapy room to find Sungmin and Kyuhyun . Spotting Sungmin by the lifts , Eeteuk walked up to him . " Minnie ah , what are you doing here ? " Eeteuk asked when he was next to Sungmin . When he received no answer , Eeteuk asked again , this time waving a hand across Sungmin 's face . " Sungmin ? " " Huh ? " Recognition appeared in Sungmin 's eyes . " Oh Eeteuk - hyung , you 're here . " " What had you so absorbed in ? " " Nothing , I was just thinking . Oh , Kyuhyun asked us to bring these gifts to the paediatric ward to give out to the children there . " Sungmin quickly denied anything , instead turning the attention to the gifts in the bag . Eeteuk didn 't look like he believed Sungmin but let it go for the moment . " Paediatric ward ? How did Kyu know the children there ? " Sungmin shook his head . " I don 't know . He just told me to bring them there and wait for him there . " Eeteuk nodded . " Let 's go then . " Eeteuk and Sungmin entered the lift . Arriving at the paediatric ward , Eeteuk approached one of the nurses . " Excuse me Miss . " The nurse paused from her game with a child . " Yes ? How can I help you ? " " Erm , we have a bag of gifts here that our friend asked us to give to the children . " " Friend ? " " Yes , his name is Kyuhyun . Cho Kyuhyun . Do you know him ? " " Oh , Kyuhyun - sshi . I know him . " The nurse 's eyes lit up with recognition at Kyuhyun 's name . " May I ask how you know him ? " " Kyuhyun - sshi visited the children often during his stay in the hospital . He played with the children and sang for them . They all loved him . He really brightened up the kids ' stay at the hospital . Hold down for a moment while I gather the children . " Eeteuk and Sungmin nodded . " Children , listen up . These two nice hyungs here have brought you presents . Can you guess who they 're from ? " The children all looked up from their respective spots . The nurses who were playing with the children did as well . " Kyu - hyung gave them to you . " " Kyu - hyung ? " Immediately , almost all the children rushed towards Eeteuk and Sungmin , almost creating a stampede . Only a few children remained behind not understanding what the whole excitement was about . Eeteuk and Sungmin had no clue what to do when they saw all the children rushing towards them . The nurse stood in front of the two , raising her hand . " Hold on , let the hyungs give them out to you okay ? " The kids halted in front of them , listening to the nurse . Eeteuk shook himself and bent down . Sungmin followed . " Hi . I 'm Eeteuk . You are ? " That simple sentence began the enjoyable afternoon for the two in the hospital . The children lifted their spirits , causing them to push their worries to the back of their minds . Eeteuk was just upset for not knowing what Kyuhyun did at the hospital . Soon , Eeteuk and Sungmin were in the middle of a circle which was made up by the children , singing and dancing , thoroughly entertaining the children . That was the scene Kyuhyun and Kibum saw when they entered the room . The nurse spotted the two and was about to exclaim when Kyuhyun indicated to her to stay quiet . The nurse nodded , letting the two through . Kibum tried to sneak towards the back of Eeteuk , wanting to surprise him but they were two conspicuous . The children spotted both of them straight away . Or rather , they spotted Kyuhyun . " Kyu - hyung ! " The exclamation caused the two performers to stop in their actions . The children surrounded Kyuh " Okay kids , move away from your Kyu - hyung . Give him some space . " Eeteuk spoke up from his position seeing how Kyuhyun wobbled with the kids around his legs . The children nodded , all taking a couple of steps back and sitting down on the floor . Kyuhyun sent an appreciative look at Eeteuk before turning back to the children . There were a couple of new faces , but mostly old ones . " So how have you all been ? " That question ignited a loud conversation as they all fought for Kyuhyun 's attention . " One by one . One by one . I can 't hear all of you at the same time . " Kyuhyun laughed a little as he spoke , calming the children down . As the three watch Kyuhyun interact with the kids from the chair , all found a side of Kyuhyun they had never known about . Being such a quiet person when he was with them , Kyuhyun did not strike any of them as being good with children . But surprisingly , Kyuhyun handled the kids very well , even if Kyuhyun still did not speak much . Kibum was glad to see the smile on Kyuhyun 's face , knowing that the children held special spots in Kyuhyun 's heart . " Where 's Jyung Yi - sshi ? " Kyuhyun asked spotting a missing person who was not mentioned by the rest . The children immediately fell silent . A cold shiver went through Kyuhyun . " Kyuhyun - sshi … " Kyuhyun turned to the nurse . " Kyuhyun - sshi , Jyung Yi - sshi is in the isolation ward . " Isolation ward ? Kyuhyun turned back to the children . " I 'm going to visit Jyung Yi - sshi now . I have a gift for him . I 'll come and visit you all again another day . Be good . And I 'll bring more hyungs next time to play with you . " Kyuhyun said , standing up with a little help from Kibum . The children nodded . The atmosphere was a little subdued as the children all knew that Jyung Yi was most likely not coming back . Kyuhyun knew that something truly bad had occurred to Jyung Yi . They waved farewell to the children as they walked out with the nurse . Outside the ward , Kyuhyun turned back to the nurse . The nurse , knowing what Kyuhyun wanted , spoke . " His leukaemia came back . This time even harder than before . The prospect of a recovery is not looking very good now . Maybe you could visit him . It 'll definitely brighten his day . " Kyuhyun nodded , his face scrunched with worry . The nurse bowed at them before taking her leave . The four headed to the isolation ward to see the child . There were two people standing outside the glass , staring into the room . The man had his arms around the woman , who was sniffling a little . " Erm , sir ? I 'm Cho Kyuhyun . Is it possible for me to visit your son ? " The man looked up at Kyuhyun 's question , wondering what relation Kyuhyun had with his son . " Cho Kyuhyun ? " The woman too turned to Kyuhyun when she heard her husband repeat the name . " Are you the Kyu - hyung that my son talks about ? " Kyuhyun nodded . " May I see him ? " The two looked at each other , torn . One part of them wanted to let their son see the hyung he had been talking about for the past month . But another part of them was not willing to expose the young man in front of them to the despair that they had felt when they saw their son lying so pale and sickly on the bed . The mother could sense that the young man - or young boy to her - in front of her was dealing with a lot of problems himself . One could call it a motherly instinct , but something about Kyuhyun simply screamed ' Protect me ! ' to the mother . But the love for her child won out instead . She wanted to let her son have his wish of seeing his hyung again . She knew that her son was dying , and she wanted her son to go peacefully without regrets . She nodded at Kyuhyun 's request , who shot a grateful look to her . The four walked towards the door and entered the room . A nurse stopped them , telling that only one of them could enter the isolation ward at a time and Jyung Yi turned the subject , not allowing Kyuhyun to dwell much on his death . " Have I seen angels ? " Kyuhyun asked , wanting some time to compose himself at an eleven - year - old kid 's question . Jyung Yi nodded , looking expectantly at Kyuhyun . " I 've seen angels . They come in all shapes and sizes , and many different personalities as well . Some are brilliant at cooking , while others are like children always mischievous and throwing pranks . There are those who act like Ummas and Appas and others like Oppas . But they all have one thing in common . And that is , they are all very kind and caring . " " Do you know any ? " Kyuhyun nodded . " I do . I know twelve of them . In fact , there are three standing outside right now . See ? " Kyuhyun pointed to the glass where Eeteuk , Sungmin and Kibum were standing at . " Wave to them , Jyung Yi . " With Kyuhyun 's help , Jyung Yi was able to wave to the three , getting a wave back from them as well . " Are they really angels , Kyu - hyung ? " " They are my angels . " Kyuhyun truly believed that his hyungs were heaven - sent gifts to him . Jyung Yi turned back to Kyuhyun with twinkling eyes . " They are really pretty and handsome . " Kyuhyun smiled at Jyung Yi . " Do you think I 'll see kind angels in heaven ? " Jyung Yi repeated his unanswered question . Kyuhyun was puzzled . He did not see the significance of the question . " Why do you ask ? " " Because I 'm bad . " " Bad ? " Kyuhyun didn 't get it . " Because I 'm going to leave my Appa and Umma behind . That makes me bad ' cos they would not have people to take care of them next time . ' Cos I 'm leaving them behind for a new life . " Kyuhyun felt tears forming in his eyes . It was such a mature and yet innocent thought that simply screamed at Kyuhyun that Jyung Yi was just an eleven - year - old child whose life was tragically shortened by cancer . He took the toy car from Jyung Yi 's hands , placing it on the table . He held on to Jyung Yi 's hands again , rubbing them together . " They will be kind to you . Because you 're leaviYou must be logged in to post . |
Yesterday was a rather busy day ! I wasn 't exactly sure what to do with myself for the day , so I decided after breakfast to walk on the treadmill , instead of waiting til after dinner later on . I wasn 't even into walking for a minute when my mom called . She asked me if I had been praying about the apartment , and I said YES ! Why ? ? She asked if I remembered a lady named Diane O . The name rang a bell , and I asked if she used to go to church . My mom said yes , and that Diane also loves animals , which I also remembered about her . Well , I guess someone told Diane about the apartment when it was in the church bulletin a couple months ago . But at the time , Diane was dealing with her mother who was dying from cancer , and she just didn 't want to think about it . However , yesterday , she finally called . She apparently is extremely interested in the apartment , and is supposed to come this week some time to see it . I was soooo happy when my mom told me ! I told my mom I was rather relieved because I really didn 't want someone from Caroline House coming to live here , and that I 'd been having nightmares about it . My mom was like , why ? ? I said , " Well isn 't that the place for battered women ? " My mom said no ! It is a shelter for women , but it 's for women who are homeless for one reason or another , and they try to help the women get back on their feet so they are able to provide for themselves , and eventually be on their own again . Ohhhhhhhhhhh . Somehow , either my mom explained it wrong the first time , or I just didn 't listen or hear it correctly . I apologized for misunderstanding that ! So anyway , I am so very hopeful Diane really wants the apartment . From what I remember about her , she was always so nice . She even offered to watch Lady , our first family dog , years ago when we were supposed to be going somewhere . I 'm not sure where she 's been going to church , but it 's been so long since I 've seen her . I am just saying lots of prayers that she will become my new housemate ! ! I really would like someone I at least know about , rather than a cPosted by Remember the long hair ? I mean the really long hair ? Here 's the last pic I took in July with the long hair : Here are pictures of my new hairdo , after getting many inches cut off today by my hairdresser , Megan ! She was beyond excited to cut that much off , because I usually only let her cut off one or two inches . I really needed a little change , though , and although I thought I was gonna cry when she was finished , I LOVE my new look ! ! Whoooo hoooo ! ! Now if only I had a hot date tonight , things would be so much better ! LOL ! I swear , I should change my blog to Daily Dreams . I 've been keeping track of the ones I really remember lately ! Anyway , I had one this morning about the apartment upstairs . In the dream , I gave my mom my 30 days notice of moving out , because she decided to rent the apartment upstairs to someone she didn 't bother checking out beforehand . Then my mom got so upset , but I said I already had another place I was going to move into , and there was nothing to discuss . Then I woke up . Not a very long dream , but it certainly does describe how I 've been feeling lately about the apartment . My mom has told various places about the apartment . She sent an application in to one of the local colleges . She had it advertised in our church bulletin for a couple weeks , but that didn 't yield anything . She told me she wrote a letter to Caroline House , which is a home for sheltered women . Yesterday she told me the director called her to let her know she had a few people in mind who might want the apartment . One of them is a developmentally disabled person . Please don 't get me wrong , and think that I hate those type of people or anything , because I certainly don 't . I have an aunt who is mentally challenged , and the neighbor next door is , too . They are awesome people most of the time , and they are very diligent in what they do . It 's just that I 'm a person who likes my own space , and I honestly feel that this lady would probably be knocking on my door a lot . I 'm sure that sounds terrible to say that . I 'm really not being prejudiced , but then again , maybe I am . I really don 't know her . Anyway , that isn 't as bad as thinking of having a woman here who has an abusive husband or boyfriend they are trying to escape . What happens if he finds out where she 's living , and shows up at the door ? ? Did my mom even think of that ? ? Honestly , I don 't think my mom thinks of my safety when she 's trying to get a renter . It 's more like she 's grasping at any opportunity to rent the place . I mean , I can 't blame her . They are losing money like water with having to Posted by It 's been about a year since I last kissed someone . No , I don 't mean like giving a family member a kiss hello , or kissing my dear little niece and nephew . I mean , a kiss kiss ! The kiss I last had was nice . Actually , it was more than nice , it was pretty awesome . It brought along hopes of a possible future relationship , of more kisses and more hugs , of falling in love . It led to a Fall of hopes , a Winter of looking forward to the warmer weather , and , unfortunately , a Spring that just crumbled everything . The other party had doubts , I guess doubts that I couldn 't quite understand , and I just started to pull away . The disappearing acts made me feel like I wasn 't that important , that suddenly telling me about thoughts and fears and doubts was something that couldn 't be done . It kind of made me feel a little worthless . I pulled my feelings back even more . I was confused , a little angry , a whole lot hurt , just a variety of things . The pulling back on my part actually helped it to not hurt so badly when I was told a break was needed to think things out . I 've actually been nonchalant about the entire thing . Many of my friends tell me they are amazed that I have just been so casual about what happened , but really they don 't know that I am actually sad about what went down . I do miss talking to this person . There isn 't a day that goes by where I haven 't thought about him . But I also get so irritated with myself every day for being pressured to get rid of my thoughts about everything that had gone on in the past year and a half . I should have never caved . I should 've never erased everything . It 's as freedom of speech meant nothing . The sad part is that I only erased 12 posts . Over an entire year and a half . Twelve posts in 547 . 5 days . Twelve posts , almost all of them having to do with my fears and worries about how he was doing since he had " disappeared " for awhile again . That was really the only reason I wrote about him . I wrote when I hadn 't heard from him for days , weeks at a time . I wrote about him because emailing him , caPosted by I am a creature of habit . I like doing a lot of the same routines every day . I like keeping things in order . I don 't really change things around much in my house , everything has it 's place , and that 's where it usually stays . I think it 's my Virgo personality ! It comes out even in my jewelry . I try to come up with patterns that are askew and different , but I always end up making necklaces that have a precise pattern . I just can 't seem to help it ! ! lolSo , last night , I had to pull my bed away from the wall because poor Mittens got sick for like the 5th time that day ( thank goodness he 's alright today ) , and I had to get it up . I know , not the greatest story so far . lol Anyway , before I pushed the bed back to the way it was , I kinda thought , hmmmm , what would it look like to have my bed in an angle , coming from , the corner of the room ? I thought about it , then decided to shove my bed to get it to the way I thought it would look ok . Thank goodness I no longer have the carpet , or I would never have been able to move the bed so easily ! So I got the bed positioned , and just kept looking at it . Part of me loved it , part of me kept thinking this is SO not the norm ! ! I decided to just keep it that way for the night , and ended up going to bed awhile later . This morning , I decided to move the bed back . But , I wasn 't going to do it right away since I needed to eat breakfast and get dressed . When I turned on my phone after feeding Mittens , I listened to a message from my best friend , Erin , asking if I wanted to have a play date with her daughter today . Cool ! So , I decided not to move the bed back yet , until I got home later . However , the bed is still in the same position that I pulled and pushed it into last night , and I 'm still not sure if I want to put it back . What 's bugging me most is that I had to shove my nightstand and dresser over quite a bit in order for there to be a bigger space for me to get in between the dresser and the bed , and it just doesn 't look right to me . It 's that off - balance thing , the out - of - order type of Posted by I was laughing so hard earlier telling Mason about this weird dream I had last night , so I decided I should post it . Why I dreamt it is beyond me ! It 's the strangest thing I 've dreamt about in a long time , and it came out of nowhere ! I dreamt that for some odd reason , my parents had two squirrels as pets , along with Shelby ( she 's their dog ) , and they were trying to get the squirrels to learn tricks . The squirrels had these little stuffed animals that my parents were trying to train them to go fetch . ( Ok , now I 'm starting to laugh hysterically again ) I was getting irritated because I wanted one of those stuffed animals for Mittens , because it was the perfect size for him , and he needs a new replacement for his little stuffed bear because it has seen better days . I kept trying to get the stuffed animal away from a squirrel ( neither of the squirrels had names ) , but the stupid thing kept getting it back . And then I woke up ! ! I do not know where that dream came from , but it is just so funny to me , that I had to write it down ! ! I tell ya , sometimes I wonder where things come from when you dream ! ! Today finally felt like summer ! ! It shot up to 88 degrees , and I loved every minute of it ! People think I 'm crazy , but I really don 't care ! lol This summer is ending rapidly , and it hasn 't been the warmest , and so when we get these few days of heat , I enjoy them immensely ! I went out to run some errands today . I wore a cute tank top and a white skirt . I felt perty ! And cool ! I had to go to the post office , then to the drug store , and then I went to Niagara University to visit the people I used to work with . Unfortunately , most of the people weren 't there for one reason or another ! So I didn 't visit for very long , maybe half an hour or so . After that , I decided to stop by where my dad works to visit the gals in the office . I chatted for a bit , and then found my dad in the pipe shop . He was hot and sweaty and bitching . What else was new ! I left to go pick up my prescription , and then went home . I spent the rest of the afternoon just reading and taking a little nap with the fan on me in the bedroom . Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ! Tonight has been just relaxing on the couch , watching What Not To Wear on TLC , which I am getting addicted to on Friday nights ! I wish I could get a whole new wardrobe , and a makeover ! Although the one part I would cringe over is the hair . I would just DIE if someone cut my hair way too short ! ! Coloring it is one thing , because I don 't mind that , but if I had someone who insisted on cutting my hair to a short bob , oh man I would have to just cry ! ! I actually really want to get my hair cut , maybe so that I have about 4 inches cut off . That is a tiny bit drastic , but my hair would still be past my shoulders . It just wouldn 't be halfway down my back like it is now ! The only reason I haven 't gone yet is because , although my neck is much better than last week , I 'm still a little sore with it and I 'm afraid trying to get my hair washed might strain it even more . So I 'm going to try and wait another week . I 'm just taking it day by day ! I have to babysit tomorrow for Mandy , although it should be a piece of cake . Posted by Last night , my mom pounded on my side door around 9ish . She does that because she thinks ringing the doorbell is going to scare the cat , but she doesn 't realize that pounding on the door actually scares the crap out of BOTH the cat and I ! ! I 've told her this before , she apparently just doesn 't remember ! Anyway , she started saying something about going to Beaver Island today with Mandy and the kids , and I said no one ever told me anything about it . I told her I had to babysit today , and she asked what time . After I said around 2 : 30 , she started saying that I could still go in the morning , and I just told her I wasn 't going to try going and then babysitting a 1yr old . She got a little huffy at me after that , and I said that she should know me by now . I was just a bit irritated with her ! ! Some of my phriends have often made comments about family or friends not understanding why they can 't do something , or how tired they get if they overdo it . I don 't really experience it too often with my family or friends , but the one person who sometimes just doesn 't get it is my mom . And you would think that after knowing for almost 33 years how I feel sometimes that she would understand . She has said some things to me that make me so upset sometimes . I try to blow it off , because really , she doesn 't understand exactly how I feel . But there are times when it 's hard to just ignore . I 've tried to talk to her about it before , but that doesn 't always seem to work . So mostly , I just try to process it in my head , try to let it go , or vent to someone , especially a phriend . They get it ! ! I had a really nice day today , but I 'm so exhausted now , that I might fall asleep typing this entry ! ! So please , on the off chance that I spell something wrong , or a sentence doesn 't make sense , please keep in mind that I was pooped out when typing this ! I didn 't have any plans today , except to work on a necklace that is on my tray . However , things changed when Renee asked me about going for coffee with her and Dee ! So I thought , sure , why not ? ? I finished doing some stuff around the house , like drying my hair , putting on makeup , getting a new tank of o2 in my bag , before I headed to Dee 's house . She drove out to Amherst , which is about a half hour drive , to meet Renee at Starbucks . We got there a little early , so we just went to order our drinks . I wanted a vanilla bean frappaccino , but they had no cream . Ooook . So Dee wanted a strawberry lemonade smoothie thing , but they had no strawberry syrup . Ummmm , ooooook . What the hell do you have ? ? So finally Dee asked about raspberry lemonade , and they said they had that . Yes ! So , we both had one of those , and I also asked for a piece of banana chocolate chip bread . Mmmmm , that was yummy ! Eventually Renee got there , and she ordered her drink . We sat inside for a little bit , but then we moved outside , since it wasn 't too bad of a day ! After a couple hours , we decided to go to the teacher store . Dee got an art job for next year ( YAY ! ! ) , so she wanted to look at some of the posters and things for doing bulletin boards in the room . She has so much stuff of her own , but she was just looking for a couple things ! We browsed in there for awhile , and it brought back memories of when I decorated my own classroom for a few brief years . I miss it . I kinda wished I was getting ready to do that again , but I know that will probably never happen for me again . Which I am ok with ! But I admit , it took me a long time to get used to that idea . Anywho , I digress . After the teacher store , Renee went home , and Dee and I went to Joann 's Fabrics to look at BEADS . Eeeeeeek ! ! ! My addiction ! ! Renee tPosted by I got up earlier than usual this morning , around 8 : 45 , so that I could get myself dressed and off to the hospital for bloodwork . My PT / INRs were lower than my PH doc wants them , so I had to start taking 4mg of coumadin , and now I have to keep going for bloodwork until we get the right adjustment . I got to the hospital 20 minutes before 1oam , and didn 't get out of there until almost 11 . Ugh , I hate having to go through the paperwork again when it 's not a scheduled draw , and then wait until someone from the lab upstairs to come down because my blood does funny stuff . It was just alot of patient waiting that I had to do ! I am hoping I won 't have to be back very soon , but since we are still adjusting stuff , I 'm sure I 'll probably be back next week . I called Mandy to see if she wanted to go to the mall to a couple stores , but she didn 't want to . So I went to the credit union , and then stopped at Wegmans to buy strawberries and more grape juice . The grape juice was on sale , so I got 2 of them . I was excited ! I got to the express checkout , and put my stuff down , and went to get my wallet out of my bag . Ugh , no wallet ! I left it on the seat of my car . Grrrr ! I got out of line , put my stuff in an empty checkout lane , and went outside to get my wallet . Good thing my car was right outside the store in the handicap spot ! I went back inside , got my stuff , and got back in line . Talk about being tired . Although I had cranked up the oxygen , I was tired from my stupidity ! I sat in my car for about 5 minutes , on the phone with my friend , Dee . We made plans to meet at the mall in about an hour after I got to Mandy 's . So , I went to Mandy 's ! I bought the strawberries to make strawberry sorbet , since Mandy got an ice cream maker , and she said I could use it to make my own sorbet . It was easy . I had to take the tops off the strawberries and cut them up a little , then put them in the blender . After adding a splash of juice ( Mandy let me try tropical mango ) , and blending , I had to strain most of the seeds so I wouldn 't be crunching on seedPosted by My neck is doing better than on Wednesday when I hurt it , but it 's not 100 % yet . I 'm still doing the heat thing , and my mom gave me Icy Hot . As much as I hate the smell of that stuff , it really works ! So if I 'm really not doing any better than I am now by Monday , I guess I 'll call the doctor . Just what I need ! I finally took pictures yesterday of new jewelry I made in the past couple weeks . Today I need to get them on my website ! I 'm trying to get ready for the holidays , which may sound crazy , but hey , it 'll be here before we know it ! If I feel motivated enough later , I might work on earrings . We 'll see ! I think I 'll go exercise for a bit . I 've put it off the past few days with my neck , but it 's not so bad today , so I 'll just try it ! Of course I 'll quit if my neck feels strained . It 's only walking , so should be fine ! Have a great Saturday ! The good news of the day is that I didn 't have any headaches ! ! Yay ! ! The bad news of the day is that I somehow injured the right side of my neck when I turned over in bed this morning while trying to wake up . I can hardly turn to the right , and I have a hard time looking down . All day I 've been putting heat and ice on my neck , and I 've taken a couple Tylenol Arthritis , which haven 't done too much . I 've taken a couple naps , too . It was just disappointing , to actually finally be headache free for one day , and then still not be able to do much because I hurt my damn neck . The first time I went to lay down with the heating pad on , I was soooo tired , and I just had tears coming down my face . I don 't usually have the " woe is me " attitude , but it 's just been a really tough almost 2 weeks to deal with in not feeling well , and I was just so hoping today would finally be a good day . Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ! ! ! ! ! I should really try to scream out loud , maybe that would actually help me feel better . lolI 'm off to bed earlier tonight . Mens gymnastics is on , but I really can 't stay up to watch it since I 'm sleepy ! I hope I wake up feeling a bit better tomorrow , because I 'd like to do something besides just sit around and tend to my dumb neck ! ! I woke up this morning with a wicked headache . At least I could say it wasn 't from ripping off my o2 during the night ! ! I think it was a Revatio / weather combination . A couple friends also told me they had bad headaches this morning , so I 'm thinking mine was definitely a combo . I had to take an Excedrin Migraine at 1oam , and 2 hours later , I really wanted to take another . But , I put a heating pad on my shoulders / neck , and it seemed to help a little . I was tired most of the day , though . I went to chat this afternoon , which was preplanned for today by PHA . It was about exercise and nutrition , and many people came ! I wish my chat was that busy ! ! lol After that , I had to babysit for a couple hours . I 'm so glad the " chunk " is pretty easy to babysit . I just laugh almost the whole time he is here , since he smiles and gabs and giggles so much ! He 's just too cute ! ! I started to feel starving later in the afternoon , as if I never ate anything today . I felt like that last Thursday afternoon / evening , too . I don 't know what it is ! ! It 's not a nice feeling . I made a steak and a bit salad for dinner tonight , and an hour later , I felt like I had eaten nothing . Grrrr ! ! And then I got another bad headache ! Well it didn 't start off too bad . Actually , after dinner and after watching the news hour , I exercised . I walked on the treadmill for 13 minutes . Yay ! My chest is feeling much different than before taking the increased dose of Revatio . It feels like there is more room for my lungs to expand , if that makes any sense . I am just hoping these headaches will subside , because if they don 't , I 'm going to be sad not being able to take the extra Revatio . After exercising , I chatted on the phone with one of my best friends , Erin . We talked about a bunch of things ! Then I got off the phone to prepare for my nice evening of being online and watching the Olympics ! And I completely forgot to tutor tonight ! ! Oooops ! ! I was too busy chatting with phriends , and dealing with the stupid headache , and eating ice cream ! ! I am watching the women 's gymnasPosted by Today I got a lot done . I did my 2 loads of laundry , after I got up and took a shower . I took my time going up and down the stairs , but it wasn 't too bad . I also worked on a necklace , and finished that after a couple hours . I was using the tiny seed beads again , those suckers drop like nothing ! ! I have at least 20 of them on the kitchen floor ! But the necklace turned out really pretty ! I really need to take pictures of the latest stuff I 've made . I 've got to update my website ! I exercised after dinner tonight , walking on the treadmill for 10 minutes . I have to say that I feel different already on the Revatio . My chest feels like it can get more oxygen . I don 't know , it 's hard to explain , but I kinda like the feeling . I hope it keeps up ! Well I just watched the men 's USA gymnastics team win bronze , so I am off to bed ! ! Tomorrow I babysit , so I need energy ! I woke up this morning with no pain ! This is probably because I took a Tylenol Arthritis before bed . It felt sooo nice to wake up without feeling so achy , and it lasted for the day . Thank goodness ! ! ! I went to church with my mom this morning . The day started out sunny , yet a bit chilly . By the time mass was over , it was raining cats and dogs outside ! ! Then pretty much most of the day , it was raining . So I just stayed home to do nothing much ! I wanted to get my dishes and laundry done , but all I did was the dishes . I didn 't feel like going up and down the stairs to get the laundry ! So that will be on tomorrow 's agenda . I saw a cute guy at church today . He was sitting in the pew behind me , at the other end . I smiled at him at one point , and he did smile at me . But I didn 't get a chance to say hi at the end of mass . However , he wasn 't with anyone , and he wasn 't wearing a ring . Two good signs ! Maybe if he 's there next Sunday , I 'll say hi ! My sister , Lisa , IM 'd me on Friday afternoon to ask if I had heard about the house she and her hubby were supposed to buy . I wasn 't sure if it was her , or Brandon , who IM 'd me , but she said it was her . She had taken the day off to close on the house . However , she had found out that a highway is going to built right behind the house , and since no one disclosed the info , they were allowed to walk away from the contract . How upsetting ! ! They really really loved the house , but it 's such a relief that they found out about the highway before they signed papers ! So in the meantime , they had to move into a one bedroom apartment until they can find another house they like . That will be a tight crunch , living with all their furniture , 2 dogs , and about 50 or so boxes ! ! I sure hope they find another house very soon ! ! I guess I should get to bed . I don 't have much planned for this week , other than babysitting the " little " guy on Tuesday . So hopefully I won 't be feeling as crappy as I was last week ! ! I 'd like to try exercising more , to see if the extra Revatio is helping . I also need to be making moPosted by My Saturday started out a bit painfully . I woke up at 7am to take my Revatio , and I realized that once again , my legs and lower back were hurting . I went back to bed with a pillow between my legs , since that seems to help usually , but I had a hard time falling back into a good sleep . So I got up at 9am , since I told Mandy I 'd call her a little after I got up to let her know for sure if I 'd go to the Lewiston Art Festival . I wasn 't feeling too badly , and I had finally taken a Tylenol Arthritis for my legs , so I told her I was halfway dressed to go ! I finished getting ready , had breakfast , and fed the cat by the time she got here a little before 10 . And we were off ! After making a stop at the ATM , we got to Lewiston and found parking . I think we decided on the perfect time to go , since it wasn 't totally crowded with people . There have been some years when I 've gone , and it is sooooo busy that looking at stuff is hardly possible ! This year , they closed off part of the street so people could walk in the middle of it , and it was just so much better for room ! Mandy and I were looking at a lot of the stained glass pieces , and the glass jewelry . This is because we are trying to get ideas for making jewelry ! Mandy bought a kiln , and she wants to make pendants , which I could turn into necklaces . Part of the reason I 've never been able to be a part of the art festival was because I don 't make any part of the jewelry , like the beads , or the clasps , etc . I just take beads I 've bought and throw them together to make something pretty , and that is more of a craft than art . However , if Mandy makes the glass pendants in her kiln , and I make the necklace out of it , THEN that becomes art ! ! Whoo hoo ! So anyway , we looked at pendants , we looked at prices , and we have an idea of what we are up against if we participate next year . Of course , Mandy has to be able to find time to work on pendants , but there are only so many hours in the day when you are busy with two cute kiddos ! ! Mandy dropped me off at my garage door , since I decided to gPosted by At lunch today , my mom was telling me about when I was born . She said that she couldn 't hold me or even really see me for the first 3 days of my life because she had some kind of infection . This I knew , since she had told me about it awhile ago . So I said " Well I 'm assuming dad held me at least for those first 3 days . " My mom just said " Why would you assume your father would have gone to the nursery and ask if he could hold his first - born daughter within those days ? ? " I said " Now that is sad ! " I was actually a bit taken aback by that , but when I think about it , it sounds like my dad . Maybe the thought of his first child having such problems already ( my left lung collapsed when I was born ) made him a little scared of holding me . Maybe he wanted my mom to be the first to hold me . Who the heck knows . I 'd like to ask him , but I don 't know if I will . I am just sad that neither of my parents held me for the first 3 days of my life . * sniff * I 'm having a so - so week . Since increasing my Revatio , I feel like crap with headaches and just being achy . But part of the achiness is due to that time of the month shit . I probably shouldn 't have started the new dosage this week , but it 's a bit too late now ! Today I really felt very off . I went to the mall with my mom , and by the time she dropped me off at home , I was achy everywhere ( my toes even ached ! ) , my head was in a dull pain , and I felt like I hadn 't eaten in weeks . I took a long nap , and felt a little better when I got up . But tonight I 've just felt like I haven 't eaten in weeks . Every time I eat something , I feel like I 'm starving half an hour later . Damn the hormones ! ! I know this isn 't from Revatio , since I didn 't feel that way when I first started it . UGH , I just hope I feel better tomorrow ! I got my bloodwork results tonight . My nurse told me everything was pretty good . I have to go up to 4mg of coumadin now , since my PH doc told me he wants my INR between 2 - 3 . Mine was 1 . 6 . So I need to start the new dosage tomorrow , most likely , and go back in a week to check it again . Posted by I made a couple adjustments to my blog layout again . I was tired of the butterflies ! I went with the theme of where I 'm from . The might Niagara Falls is the backdrop for now ! I browsed through hundreds of pictures on Photobucket , and it was just so interesting to see how many people have actually photographed the Falls from all over the world . I would dare to say that there are a billion pics out there of the Falls . And yet , I don 't go down there that often ! ! ! It 's only 5 minutes away , and I have yet to go this summer to see the fireworks down at the Falls . I always say I want to go , and I keep forgetting ! ! I am going to try my best to go tomorrow night . Since the weekend might be crappy , I should just try to go tomorrow ! ! My Tuesday was alright . I went for the bloodwork around 10 : 30 , and waited almost a half an hour for the paperwork to be done . Then I had to wait about 10 minutes at the lab before they could draw me . And then the girl couldn 't find my vein , which was really odd because they are always available . I figured that maybe because I had been fasting by then for over 14 hours that she couldn 't find it since I needed to eat ! ! After it was all said and done , I stopped by the chinese place I like to go to on the way home , and got yummy shrimp lo mein and an egg roll for lunch ! ! And I had so much left , I had some for dinner ! And heck , I still have enough for another lunch tomorrow ! Good deal for only $ 6 ! ! I was supposed to go for coffee tonight with a few friends , but by the time they were going to pick me up , it was pouring and hailing outside . I did NOT feel like trying to run out to the car and to Starbucks in the rain , and not to mention , I also had a headache that wasn 't completely gone . My friend asked if I had an umbrella , but I just didn 't want to deal with that , my bag with the o2 tank in it , and my headache , so I just opted not to go . And of course , 15 minutes later , the weather was cleared up for the most part . My headache didn 't disappear until a couple hours later , and I 'm sure I would have felPosted by It 's hard to believe that this weekend is already over . Some of it went by so quickly , and some of it was rather slow . Friday night , I went out with my sistores , Mandy and Joan , and Joan 's friends , and that was quite fun ! We went to a bar called The Bakery . It used to be a bakery , many moons ago . Now it is a bar / restaurant . They have phones on all the tables , and numbers above each phone . You can call the other tables with the phone , which I think is cool ! Of course , I didn 't try it , although I should have ! We left the bar around midnight , and I got ready for bed and chatted online until 1am . I had to get to bed so I could sleep a few hours before Eve and her boyfriend , Jody , got here . They didn 't get here til 5am ! She called me when she was 5 minutes away , I opened the door for them , they brought all their stuff in , got the air mattress from upstairs that my mom had inflated ( it deflated in the meantime ) , and we all went to bed ! Saturday , I hung out around here during the day , since I was rather tired from the night before , even though I had slept for 4 hours before Eve got here . I really didn 't do much ! Eve and Jody were out most of the day looking at apartments , and seeing Eve 's son . In the evening , Eve picked me up , and we drove to her parents ' house for dinner . I haven 't been to their house since I was a teen in high school . I am only going to say one thing about the house . . . . . Eve has already declared that when her parents are gone , she is bulldozing the house and selling the land . The house is THAT horrible . I really don 't know how they are living there . Anyway , dinner was yummy , but we didn 't stay too long . Eve 's allergies go haywire with everything in the house , so she was getting stuffy and sneezy . We left , and stopped at the outlet mall so Jody could get new flip flops . I sat in the car with my godson . He was so cute ( he is 7 ) . I had put my o2 on after we left the house , and he said if he could wish something , he would wish that I would be all better , and that I would no longer have to wear that " breatinPosted by I 'm an easygoing person , who gets along with just about everyone I meet . I live in a place where the waterfalls are beautiful ! I have grown up with a rare lung condition , called pulmonary hypertension . I have many limits , but they have not stopped me from being a good person and loving my family and friends ! They are very important in my life ! : ) |
Yesterday was a rather busy day ! I wasn 't exactly sure what to do with myself for the day , so I decided after breakfast to walk on the treadmill , instead of waiting til after dinner later on . I wasn 't even into walking for a minute when my mom called . She asked me if I had been praying about the apartment , and I said YES ! Why ? ? She asked if I remembered a lady named Diane O . The name rang a bell , and I asked if she used to go to church . My mom said yes , and that Diane also loves animals , which I also remembered about her . Well , I guess someone told Diane about the apartment when it was in the church bulletin a couple months ago . But at the time , Diane was dealing with her mother who was dying from cancer , and she just didn 't want to think about it . However , yesterday , she finally called . She apparently is extremely interested in the apartment , and is supposed to come this week some time to see it . I was soooo happy when my mom told me ! I told my mom I was rather relieved because I really didn 't want someone from Caroline House coming to live here , and that I 'd been having nightmares about it . My mom was like , why ? ? I said , " Well isn 't that the place for battered women ? " My mom said no ! It is a shelter for women , but it 's for women who are homeless for one reason or another , and they try to help the women get back on their feet so they are able to provide for themselves , and eventually be on their own again . Ohhhhhhhhhhh . Somehow , either my mom explained it wrong the first time , or I just didn 't listen or hear it correctly . I apologized for misunderstanding that ! So anyway , I am so very hopeful Diane really wants the apartment . From what I remember about her , she was always so nice . She even offered to watch Lady , our first family dog , years ago when we were supposed to be going somewhere . I 'm not sure where she 's been going to church , but it 's been so long since I 've seen her . I am just saying lots of prayers that she will become my new housemate ! ! I really would like someone I at least know about , rather than a cPosted by Remember the long hair ? I mean the really long hair ? Here 's the last pic I took in July with the long hair : Here are pictures of my new hairdo , after getting many inches cut off today by my hairdresser , Megan ! She was beyond excited to cut that much off , because I usually only let her cut off one or two inches . I really needed a little change , though , and although I thought I was gonna cry when she was finished , I LOVE my new look ! ! Whoooo hoooo ! ! Now if only I had a hot date tonight , things would be so much better ! LOL ! I swear , I should change my blog to Daily Dreams . I 've been keeping track of the ones I really remember lately ! Anyway , I had one this morning about the apartment upstairs . In the dream , I gave my mom my 30 days notice of moving out , because she decided to rent the apartment upstairs to someone she didn 't bother checking out beforehand . Then my mom got so upset , but I said I already had another place I was going to move into , and there was nothing to discuss . Then I woke up . Not a very long dream , but it certainly does describe how I 've been feeling lately about the apartment . My mom has told various places about the apartment . She sent an application in to one of the local colleges . She had it advertised in our church bulletin for a couple weeks , but that didn 't yield anything . She told me she wrote a letter to Caroline House , which is a home for sheltered women . Yesterday she told me the director called her to let her know she had a few people in mind who might want the apartment . One of them is a developmentally disabled person . Please don 't get me wrong , and think that I hate those type of people or anything , because I certainly don 't . I have an aunt who is mentally challenged , and the neighbor next door is , too . They are awesome people most of the time , and they are very diligent in what they do . It 's just that I 'm a person who likes my own space , and I honestly feel that this lady would probably be knocking on my door a lot . I 'm sure that sounds terrible to say that . I 'm really not being prejudiced , but then again , maybe I am . I really don 't know her . Anyway , that isn 't as bad as thinking of having a woman here who has an abusive husband or boyfriend they are trying to escape . What happens if he finds out where she 's living , and shows up at the door ? ? Did my mom even think of that ? ? Honestly , I don 't think my mom thinks of my safety when she 's trying to get a renter . It 's more like she 's grasping at any opportunity to rent the place . I mean , I can 't blame her . They are losing money like water with having to Posted by It 's been about a year since I last kissed someone . No , I don 't mean like giving a family member a kiss hello , or kissing my dear little niece and nephew . I mean , a kiss kiss ! The kiss I last had was nice . Actually , it was more than nice , it was pretty awesome . It brought along hopes of a possible future relationship , of more kisses and more hugs , of falling in love . It led to a Fall of hopes , a Winter of looking forward to the warmer weather , and , unfortunately , a Spring that just crumbled everything . The other party had doubts , I guess doubts that I couldn 't quite understand , and I just started to pull away . The disappearing acts made me feel like I wasn 't that important , that suddenly telling me about thoughts and fears and doubts was something that couldn 't be done . It kind of made me feel a little worthless . I pulled my feelings back even more . I was confused , a little angry , a whole lot hurt , just a variety of things . The pulling back on my part actually helped it to not hurt so badly when I was told a break was needed to think things out . I 've actually been nonchalant about the entire thing . Many of my friends tell me they are amazed that I have just been so casual about what happened , but really they don 't know that I am actually sad about what went down . I do miss talking to this person . There isn 't a day that goes by where I haven 't thought about him . But I also get so irritated with myself every day for being pressured to get rid of my thoughts about everything that had gone on in the past year and a half . I should have never caved . I should 've never erased everything . It 's as freedom of speech meant nothing . The sad part is that I only erased 12 posts . Over an entire year and a half . Twelve posts in 547 . 5 days . Twelve posts , almost all of them having to do with my fears and worries about how he was doing since he had " disappeared " for awhile again . That was really the only reason I wrote about him . I wrote when I hadn 't heard from him for days , weeks at a time . I wrote about him because emailing him , caPosted by I am a creature of habit . I like doing a lot of the same routines every day . I like keeping things in order . I don 't really change things around much in my house , everything has it 's place , and that 's where it usually stays . I think it 's my Virgo personality ! It comes out even in my jewelry . I try to come up with patterns that are askew and different , but I always end up making necklaces that have a precise pattern . I just can 't seem to help it ! ! lolSo , last night , I had to pull my bed away from the wall because poor Mittens got sick for like the 5th time that day ( thank goodness he 's alright today ) , and I had to get it up . I know , not the greatest story so far . lol Anyway , before I pushed the bed back to the way it was , I kinda thought , hmmmm , what would it look like to have my bed in an angle , coming from , the corner of the room ? I thought about it , then decided to shove my bed to get it to the way I thought it would look ok . Thank goodness I no longer have the carpet , or I would never have been able to move the bed so easily ! So I got the bed positioned , and just kept looking at it . Part of me loved it , part of me kept thinking this is SO not the norm ! ! I decided to just keep it that way for the night , and ended up going to bed awhile later . This morning , I decided to move the bed back . But , I wasn 't going to do it right away since I needed to eat breakfast and get dressed . When I turned on my phone after feeding Mittens , I listened to a message from my best friend , Erin , asking if I wanted to have a play date with her daughter today . Cool ! So , I decided not to move the bed back yet , until I got home later . However , the bed is still in the same position that I pulled and pushed it into last night , and I 'm still not sure if I want to put it back . What 's bugging me most is that I had to shove my nightstand and dresser over quite a bit in order for there to be a bigger space for me to get in between the dresser and the bed , and it just doesn 't look right to me . It 's that off - balance thing , the out - of - order type of Posted by I was laughing so hard earlier telling Mason about this weird dream I had last night , so I decided I should post it . Why I dreamt it is beyond me ! It 's the strangest thing I 've dreamt about in a long time , and it came out of nowhere ! I dreamt that for some odd reason , my parents had two squirrels as pets , along with Shelby ( she 's their dog ) , and they were trying to get the squirrels to learn tricks . The squirrels had these little stuffed animals that my parents were trying to train them to go fetch . ( Ok , now I 'm starting to laugh hysterically again ) I was getting irritated because I wanted one of those stuffed animals for Mittens , because it was the perfect size for him , and he needs a new replacement for his little stuffed bear because it has seen better days . I kept trying to get the stuffed animal away from a squirrel ( neither of the squirrels had names ) , but the stupid thing kept getting it back . And then I woke up ! ! I do not know where that dream came from , but it is just so funny to me , that I had to write it down ! ! I tell ya , sometimes I wonder where things come from when you dream ! ! Today finally felt like summer ! ! It shot up to 88 degrees , and I loved every minute of it ! People think I 'm crazy , but I really don 't care ! lol This summer is ending rapidly , and it hasn 't been the warmest , and so when we get these few days of heat , I enjoy them immensely ! I went out to run some errands today . I wore a cute tank top and a white skirt . I felt perty ! And cool ! I had to go to the post office , then to the drug store , and then I went to Niagara University to visit the people I used to work with . Unfortunately , most of the people weren 't there for one reason or another ! So I didn 't visit for very long , maybe half an hour or so . After that , I decided to stop by where my dad works to visit the gals in the office . I chatted for a bit , and then found my dad in the pipe shop . He was hot and sweaty and bitching . What else was new ! I left to go pick up my prescription , and then went home . I spent the rest of the afternoon just reading and taking a little nap with the fan on me in the bedroom . Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ! Tonight has been just relaxing on the couch , watching What Not To Wear on TLC , which I am getting addicted to on Friday nights ! I wish I could get a whole new wardrobe , and a makeover ! Although the one part I would cringe over is the hair . I would just DIE if someone cut my hair way too short ! ! Coloring it is one thing , because I don 't mind that , but if I had someone who insisted on cutting my hair to a short bob , oh man I would have to just cry ! ! I actually really want to get my hair cut , maybe so that I have about 4 inches cut off . That is a tiny bit drastic , but my hair would still be past my shoulders . It just wouldn 't be halfway down my back like it is now ! The only reason I haven 't gone yet is because , although my neck is much better than last week , I 'm still a little sore with it and I 'm afraid trying to get my hair washed might strain it even more . So I 'm going to try and wait another week . I 'm just taking it day by day ! I have to babysit tomorrow for Mandy , although it should be a piece of cake . Posted by Last night , my mom pounded on my side door around 9ish . She does that because she thinks ringing the doorbell is going to scare the cat , but she doesn 't realize that pounding on the door actually scares the crap out of BOTH the cat and I ! ! I 've told her this before , she apparently just doesn 't remember ! Anyway , she started saying something about going to Beaver Island today with Mandy and the kids , and I said no one ever told me anything about it . I told her I had to babysit today , and she asked what time . After I said around 2 : 30 , she started saying that I could still go in the morning , and I just told her I wasn 't going to try going and then babysitting a 1yr old . She got a little huffy at me after that , and I said that she should know me by now . I was just a bit irritated with her ! ! Some of my phriends have often made comments about family or friends not understanding why they can 't do something , or how tired they get if they overdo it . I don 't really experience it too often with my family or friends , but the one person who sometimes just doesn 't get it is my mom . And you would think that after knowing for almost 33 years how I feel sometimes that she would understand . She has said some things to me that make me so upset sometimes . I try to blow it off , because really , she doesn 't understand exactly how I feel . But there are times when it 's hard to just ignore . I 've tried to talk to her about it before , but that doesn 't always seem to work . So mostly , I just try to process it in my head , try to let it go , or vent to someone , especially a phriend . They get it ! ! I had a really nice day today , but I 'm so exhausted now , that I might fall asleep typing this entry ! ! So please , on the off chance that I spell something wrong , or a sentence doesn 't make sense , please keep in mind that I was pooped out when typing this ! I didn 't have any plans today , except to work on a necklace that is on my tray . However , things changed when Renee asked me about going for coffee with her and Dee ! So I thought , sure , why not ? ? I finished doing some stuff around the house , like drying my hair , putting on makeup , getting a new tank of o2 in my bag , before I headed to Dee 's house . She drove out to Amherst , which is about a half hour drive , to meet Renee at Starbucks . We got there a little early , so we just went to order our drinks . I wanted a vanilla bean frappaccino , but they had no cream . Ooook . So Dee wanted a strawberry lemonade smoothie thing , but they had no strawberry syrup . Ummmm , ooooook . What the hell do you have ? ? So finally Dee asked about raspberry lemonade , and they said they had that . Yes ! So , we both had one of those , and I also asked for a piece of banana chocolate chip bread . Mmmmm , that was yummy ! Eventually Renee got there , and she ordered her drink . We sat inside for a little bit , but then we moved outside , since it wasn 't too bad of a day ! After a couple hours , we decided to go to the teacher store . Dee got an art job for next year ( YAY ! ! ) , so she wanted to look at some of the posters and things for doing bulletin boards in the room . She has so much stuff of her own , but she was just looking for a couple things ! We browsed in there for awhile , and it brought back memories of when I decorated my own classroom for a few brief years . I miss it . I kinda wished I was getting ready to do that again , but I know that will probably never happen for me again . Which I am ok with ! But I admit , it took me a long time to get used to that idea . Anywho , I digress . After the teacher store , Renee went home , and Dee and I went to Joann 's Fabrics to look at BEADS . Eeeeeeek ! ! ! My addiction ! ! Renee tPosted by I got up earlier than usual this morning , around 8 : 45 , so that I could get myself dressed and off to the hospital for bloodwork . My PT / INRs were lower than my PH doc wants them , so I had to start taking 4mg of coumadin , and now I have to keep going for bloodwork until we get the right adjustment . I got to the hospital 20 minutes before 1oam , and didn 't get out of there until almost 11 . Ugh , I hate having to go through the paperwork again when it 's not a scheduled draw , and then wait until someone from the lab upstairs to come down because my blood does funny stuff . It was just alot of patient waiting that I had to do ! I am hoping I won 't have to be back very soon , but since we are still adjusting stuff , I 'm sure I 'll probably be back next week . I called Mandy to see if she wanted to go to the mall to a couple stores , but she didn 't want to . So I went to the credit union , and then stopped at Wegmans to buy strawberries and more grape juice . The grape juice was on sale , so I got 2 of them . I was excited ! I got to the express checkout , and put my stuff down , and went to get my wallet out of my bag . Ugh , no wallet ! I left it on the seat of my car . Grrrr ! I got out of line , put my stuff in an empty checkout lane , and went outside to get my wallet . Good thing my car was right outside the store in the handicap spot ! I went back inside , got my stuff , and got back in line . Talk about being tired . Although I had cranked up the oxygen , I was tired from my stupidity ! I sat in my car for about 5 minutes , on the phone with my friend , Dee . We made plans to meet at the mall in about an hour after I got to Mandy 's . So , I went to Mandy 's ! I bought the strawberries to make strawberry sorbet , since Mandy got an ice cream maker , and she said I could use it to make my own sorbet . It was easy . I had to take the tops off the strawberries and cut them up a little , then put them in the blender . After adding a splash of juice ( Mandy let me try tropical mango ) , and blending , I had to strain most of the seeds so I wouldn 't be crunching on seedPosted by My neck is doing better than on Wednesday when I hurt it , but it 's not 100 % yet . I 'm still doing the heat thing , and my mom gave me Icy Hot . As much as I hate the smell of that stuff , it really works ! So if I 'm really not doing any better than I am now by Monday , I guess I 'll call the doctor . Just what I need ! I finally took pictures yesterday of new jewelry I made in the past couple weeks . Today I need to get them on my website ! I 'm trying to get ready for the holidays , which may sound crazy , but hey , it 'll be here before we know it ! If I feel motivated enough later , I might work on earrings . We 'll see ! I think I 'll go exercise for a bit . I 've put it off the past few days with my neck , but it 's not so bad today , so I 'll just try it ! Of course I 'll quit if my neck feels strained . It 's only walking , so should be fine ! Have a great Saturday ! The good news of the day is that I didn 't have any headaches ! ! Yay ! ! The bad news of the day is that I somehow injured the right side of my neck when I turned over in bed this morning while trying to wake up . I can hardly turn to the right , and I have a hard time looking down . All day I 've been putting heat and ice on my neck , and I 've taken a couple Tylenol Arthritis , which haven 't done too much . I 've taken a couple naps , too . It was just disappointing , to actually finally be headache free for one day , and then still not be able to do much because I hurt my damn neck . The first time I went to lay down with the heating pad on , I was soooo tired , and I just had tears coming down my face . I don 't usually have the " woe is me " attitude , but it 's just been a really tough almost 2 weeks to deal with in not feeling well , and I was just so hoping today would finally be a good day . Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ! ! ! ! ! I should really try to scream out loud , maybe that would actually help me feel better . lolI 'm off to bed earlier tonight . Mens gymnastics is on , but I really can 't stay up to watch it since I 'm sleepy ! I hope I wake up feeling a bit better tomorrow , because I 'd like to do something besides just sit around and tend to my dumb neck ! ! I woke up this morning with a wicked headache . At least I could say it wasn 't from ripping off my o2 during the night ! ! I think it was a Revatio / weather combination . A couple friends also told me they had bad headaches this morning , so I 'm thinking mine was definitely a combo . I had to take an Excedrin Migraine at 1oam , and 2 hours later , I really wanted to take another . But , I put a heating pad on my shoulders / neck , and it seemed to help a little . I was tired most of the day , though . I went to chat this afternoon , which was preplanned for today by PHA . It was about exercise and nutrition , and many people came ! I wish my chat was that busy ! ! lol After that , I had to babysit for a couple hours . I 'm so glad the " chunk " is pretty easy to babysit . I just laugh almost the whole time he is here , since he smiles and gabs and giggles so much ! He 's just too cute ! ! I started to feel starving later in the afternoon , as if I never ate anything today . I felt like that last Thursday afternoon / evening , too . I don 't know what it is ! ! It 's not a nice feeling . I made a steak and a bit salad for dinner tonight , and an hour later , I felt like I had eaten nothing . Grrrr ! ! And then I got another bad headache ! Well it didn 't start off too bad . Actually , after dinner and after watching the news hour , I exercised . I walked on the treadmill for 13 minutes . Yay ! My chest is feeling much different than before taking the increased dose of Revatio . It feels like there is more room for my lungs to expand , if that makes any sense . I am just hoping these headaches will subside , because if they don 't , I 'm going to be sad not being able to take the extra Revatio . After exercising , I chatted on the phone with one of my best friends , Erin . We talked about a bunch of things ! Then I got off the phone to prepare for my nice evening of being online and watching the Olympics ! And I completely forgot to tutor tonight ! ! Oooops ! ! I was too busy chatting with phriends , and dealing with the stupid headache , and eating ice cream ! ! I am watching the women 's gymnasPosted by Today I got a lot done . I did my 2 loads of laundry , after I got up and took a shower . I took my time going up and down the stairs , but it wasn 't too bad . I also worked on a necklace , and finished that after a couple hours . I was using the tiny seed beads again , those suckers drop like nothing ! ! I have at least 20 of them on the kitchen floor ! But the necklace turned out really pretty ! I really need to take pictures of the latest stuff I 've made . I 've got to update my website ! I exercised after dinner tonight , walking on the treadmill for 10 minutes . I have to say that I feel different already on the Revatio . My chest feels like it can get more oxygen . I don 't know , it 's hard to explain , but I kinda like the feeling . I hope it keeps up ! Well I just watched the men 's USA gymnastics team win bronze , so I am off to bed ! ! Tomorrow I babysit , so I need energy ! I woke up this morning with no pain ! This is probably because I took a Tylenol Arthritis before bed . It felt sooo nice to wake up without feeling so achy , and it lasted for the day . Thank goodness ! ! ! I went to church with my mom this morning . The day started out sunny , yet a bit chilly . By the time mass was over , it was raining cats and dogs outside ! ! Then pretty much most of the day , it was raining . So I just stayed home to do nothing much ! I wanted to get my dishes and laundry done , but all I did was the dishes . I didn 't feel like going up and down the stairs to get the laundry ! So that will be on tomorrow 's agenda . I saw a cute guy at church today . He was sitting in the pew behind me , at the other end . I smiled at him at one point , and he did smile at me . But I didn 't get a chance to say hi at the end of mass . However , he wasn 't with anyone , and he wasn 't wearing a ring . Two good signs ! Maybe if he 's there next Sunday , I 'll say hi ! My sister , Lisa , IM 'd me on Friday afternoon to ask if I had heard about the house she and her hubby were supposed to buy . I wasn 't sure if it was her , or Brandon , who IM 'd me , but she said it was her . She had taken the day off to close on the house . However , she had found out that a highway is going to built right behind the house , and since no one disclosed the info , they were allowed to walk away from the contract . How upsetting ! ! They really really loved the house , but it 's such a relief that they found out about the highway before they signed papers ! So in the meantime , they had to move into a one bedroom apartment until they can find another house they like . That will be a tight crunch , living with all their furniture , 2 dogs , and about 50 or so boxes ! ! I sure hope they find another house very soon ! ! I guess I should get to bed . I don 't have much planned for this week , other than babysitting the " little " guy on Tuesday . So hopefully I won 't be feeling as crappy as I was last week ! ! I 'd like to try exercising more , to see if the extra Revatio is helping . I also need to be making moPosted by My Saturday started out a bit painfully . I woke up at 7am to take my Revatio , and I realized that once again , my legs and lower back were hurting . I went back to bed with a pillow between my legs , since that seems to help usually , but I had a hard time falling back into a good sleep . So I got up at 9am , since I told Mandy I 'd call her a little after I got up to let her know for sure if I 'd go to the Lewiston Art Festival . I wasn 't feeling too badly , and I had finally taken a Tylenol Arthritis for my legs , so I told her I was halfway dressed to go ! I finished getting ready , had breakfast , and fed the cat by the time she got here a little before 10 . And we were off ! After making a stop at the ATM , we got to Lewiston and found parking . I think we decided on the perfect time to go , since it wasn 't totally crowded with people . There have been some years when I 've gone , and it is sooooo busy that looking at stuff is hardly possible ! This year , they closed off part of the street so people could walk in the middle of it , and it was just so much better for room ! Mandy and I were looking at a lot of the stained glass pieces , and the glass jewelry . This is because we are trying to get ideas for making jewelry ! Mandy bought a kiln , and she wants to make pendants , which I could turn into necklaces . Part of the reason I 've never been able to be a part of the art festival was because I don 't make any part of the jewelry , like the beads , or the clasps , etc . I just take beads I 've bought and throw them together to make something pretty , and that is more of a craft than art . However , if Mandy makes the glass pendants in her kiln , and I make the necklace out of it , THEN that becomes art ! ! Whoo hoo ! So anyway , we looked at pendants , we looked at prices , and we have an idea of what we are up against if we participate next year . Of course , Mandy has to be able to find time to work on pendants , but there are only so many hours in the day when you are busy with two cute kiddos ! ! Mandy dropped me off at my garage door , since I decided to gPosted by At lunch today , my mom was telling me about when I was born . She said that she couldn 't hold me or even really see me for the first 3 days of my life because she had some kind of infection . This I knew , since she had told me about it awhile ago . So I said " Well I 'm assuming dad held me at least for those first 3 days . " My mom just said " Why would you assume your father would have gone to the nursery and ask if he could hold his first - born daughter within those days ? ? " I said " Now that is sad ! " I was actually a bit taken aback by that , but when I think about it , it sounds like my dad . Maybe the thought of his first child having such problems already ( my left lung collapsed when I was born ) made him a little scared of holding me . Maybe he wanted my mom to be the first to hold me . Who the heck knows . I 'd like to ask him , but I don 't know if I will . I am just sad that neither of my parents held me for the first 3 days of my life . * sniff * I 'm having a so - so week . Since increasing my Revatio , I feel like crap with headaches and just being achy . But part of the achiness is due to that time of the month shit . I probably shouldn 't have started the new dosage this week , but it 's a bit too late now ! Today I really felt very off . I went to the mall with my mom , and by the time she dropped me off at home , I was achy everywhere ( my toes even ached ! ) , my head was in a dull pain , and I felt like I hadn 't eaten in weeks . I took a long nap , and felt a little better when I got up . But tonight I 've just felt like I haven 't eaten in weeks . Every time I eat something , I feel like I 'm starving half an hour later . Damn the hormones ! ! I know this isn 't from Revatio , since I didn 't feel that way when I first started it . UGH , I just hope I feel better tomorrow ! I got my bloodwork results tonight . My nurse told me everything was pretty good . I have to go up to 4mg of coumadin now , since my PH doc told me he wants my INR between 2 - 3 . Mine was 1 . 6 . So I need to start the new dosage tomorrow , most likely , and go back in a week to check it again . Posted by I made a couple adjustments to my blog layout again . I was tired of the butterflies ! I went with the theme of where I 'm from . The might Niagara Falls is the backdrop for now ! I browsed through hundreds of pictures on Photobucket , and it was just so interesting to see how many people have actually photographed the Falls from all over the world . I would dare to say that there are a billion pics out there of the Falls . And yet , I don 't go down there that often ! ! ! It 's only 5 minutes away , and I have yet to go this summer to see the fireworks down at the Falls . I always say I want to go , and I keep forgetting ! ! I am going to try my best to go tomorrow night . Since the weekend might be crappy , I should just try to go tomorrow ! ! My Tuesday was alright . I went for the bloodwork around 10 : 30 , and waited almost a half an hour for the paperwork to be done . Then I had to wait about 10 minutes at the lab before they could draw me . And then the girl couldn 't find my vein , which was really odd because they are always available . I figured that maybe because I had been fasting by then for over 14 hours that she couldn 't find it since I needed to eat ! ! After it was all said and done , I stopped by the chinese place I like to go to on the way home , and got yummy shrimp lo mein and an egg roll for lunch ! ! And I had so much left , I had some for dinner ! And heck , I still have enough for another lunch tomorrow ! Good deal for only $ 6 ! ! I was supposed to go for coffee tonight with a few friends , but by the time they were going to pick me up , it was pouring and hailing outside . I did NOT feel like trying to run out to the car and to Starbucks in the rain , and not to mention , I also had a headache that wasn 't completely gone . My friend asked if I had an umbrella , but I just didn 't want to deal with that , my bag with the o2 tank in it , and my headache , so I just opted not to go . And of course , 15 minutes later , the weather was cleared up for the most part . My headache didn 't disappear until a couple hours later , and I 'm sure I would have felPosted by It 's hard to believe that this weekend is already over . Some of it went by so quickly , and some of it was rather slow . Friday night , I went out with my sistores , Mandy and Joan , and Joan 's friends , and that was quite fun ! We went to a bar called The Bakery . It used to be a bakery , many moons ago . Now it is a bar / restaurant . They have phones on all the tables , and numbers above each phone . You can call the other tables with the phone , which I think is cool ! Of course , I didn 't try it , although I should have ! We left the bar around midnight , and I got ready for bed and chatted online until 1am . I had to get to bed so I could sleep a few hours before Eve and her boyfriend , Jody , got here . They didn 't get here til 5am ! She called me when she was 5 minutes away , I opened the door for them , they brought all their stuff in , got the air mattress from upstairs that my mom had inflated ( it deflated in the meantime ) , and we all went to bed ! Saturday , I hung out around here during the day , since I was rather tired from the night before , even though I had slept for 4 hours before Eve got here . I really didn 't do much ! Eve and Jody were out most of the day looking at apartments , and seeing Eve 's son . In the evening , Eve picked me up , and we drove to her parents ' house for dinner . I haven 't been to their house since I was a teen in high school . I am only going to say one thing about the house . . . . . Eve has already declared that when her parents are gone , she is bulldozing the house and selling the land . The house is THAT horrible . I really don 't know how they are living there . Anyway , dinner was yummy , but we didn 't stay too long . Eve 's allergies go haywire with everything in the house , so she was getting stuffy and sneezy . We left , and stopped at the outlet mall so Jody could get new flip flops . I sat in the car with my godson . He was so cute ( he is 7 ) . I had put my o2 on after we left the house , and he said if he could wish something , he would wish that I would be all better , and that I would no longer have to wear that " breatinPosted by I 'm an easygoing person , who gets along with just about everyone I meet . I live in a place where the waterfalls are beautiful ! I have grown up with a rare lung condition , called pulmonary hypertension . I have many limits , but they have not stopped me from being a good person and loving my family and friends ! They are very important in my life ! : ) |
I am a 42 year old woman that is about as happy and content as one person can be . My husband of 21 years and our 15 year old daughter live on five and a half acres out in the country . We moved from the city four years ago and never looked back . I homeschool our daughter . We also love our animals . Our daughter has a miniature horse and two rabbits . We also have a border collie , two cats ( again ) , two pot belly pigs , four peafowl , three emus , 2 llamas and an undetermined number of chickens , lets just say ohhh about 200 . I have many breeds , from layers to fancy chickens . I love poultry shows , I love fowl in general as I have come to find out through having more than just chickens . Chickens will always be my first love though . I do show some of my birds occasionally . I looked at all sorts of designs for a chicken house online . I ended up coming up with my own design to suit myself . I built this all by myself other than my Dad cut the holes for me for the egg doors and the front door and windows and the side door . I still have this same house four and a half years later . . . and I tell you what . If you ever want to use a paint that will never come off . . . use that barn paint from Lowes . I don 't think I have a chip of paint come off since I put the paint on ! After putting my design down on paper and making up a supply list I set off to Lowes and got what I needed . It took me a little while , but I got the job done . I have a lot of my Dad in me . . . but this did not carry over I am sorry to say . He is SO good at woodworking . I am just lucky the thing is still standing today . . it is one of my better projects that held up to the test of time . I was even thinking ahead as I made it where you could take it apart from the corners to break it down and move it . . say . . . for when we made that move to the country . ; ) In these pictures you can see the three trap doors in the back for egg retrieving . Inside those door you could reach down into the plastic egg crates . . . which later were filled with nesting material . . . straw , and get your eggs . The side door was a clean out door . I was thinking ahead and had laid down chicken wire and then dirt , then straw on the floor of the chicken house . This prevented anything from digging under the sidewalls and getting in to the chicken house . In one picture you can see I built a run on the front . They were not cooped up in this all day once they were of a good size not to be toted off by a neighbors cat . They were allowed out during the day and locked up tight at night . They were good girls . . . for all the room they had back there , they were happy and never jumped the fence to a neighbors yard . I was not supposed to have chickens within 600 feet of another house . . . so having chickens in the city limits was a no no . . . but I have always been a stubborn hard head . . . and I wanted a few chickens darnit . They werent hurting anything . We always had possums and even had a raccoon residing in the next door neighbors attic once while they were replacing the old rotting wood that is right under the gutters . There was no shortage of cats in the neighborhood , or roaming dogs for that matter . . so I had to be sure my gates stayed locked and my girls stayed safe . Now that my girls were outside . . . I felt a little empty while indoors . . . you know where this is going right ? ; ) Oh yes , I had to get a few more chicks and begin all over again . . . that I will save for next time . Right now it is time for me to get up out of this chair and get this day rolling . I hope you have a wonderful Friday . I sure am going to try . Oh , Helen mentioned putting something in with the chicks for digestion . They do make ' grit ' now you can buy to add to their food or put in a little dish by their food . I don 't know why I have never used it . . . I really should next go around , so thanks for reminding me of it . Isnt it amazing how far cameras have come . I look at these photos from four and a half years ago and there is just no comparison . It took me a long time to afford a good digital camera , but it has been one of the best presents Ian has ever gotten for me . I have always loved to take pictures . These two pictures are from the Buffs first outside experience . Oh yes , they have names , and yes I could tell them apart . Look at all those leaves on the ground . We had so many trees in the back yard . I hated raking leaves all the time . . and the gutters were always a mess as that was Ians job and it never got done . Well I won 't say never . . . but hardly ever . I don 't miss that at all . Not having any trees can have a few drawbacks when the wind picks up or it is especially hot out . . . but I don 't mind at all . I just hated raking leaves . I knew the basics about chickens , but there was so much more to learn . I learned the hard way NOT to use straw hay of any kind in the brooder . Some might disagree . . . but I use pine shavings now , fine pine shavings . About six weeks into it one chick decided to try and eat the hay in the brooder . To eat something like that a chicken must have grit in its craw . . . or whatever you want to call it . . . where the food packs in as it is digested . . its so early . . . why cant I think of what it is called . . . lol . Not enough coffee yet I guess . Anyway . . . this was an emergency situation . When chickens eat little pebbles and dirt it is to help grind up what they eat in that pouch . Chicks dont have that unless they are born on dirt outside like the two Serama chicks I let hatch out with their Mamas . So , what goes in , comes out the same . Getting stuck . Bad bad news . I tried everything . Mineral oil , tweezers , cotton swabs . I was trying to coax that hay out without damaging the insides of the chick . You can pull them inside out so to speak and that would surely kill the chick . Well it died anyway . . . I couldnt get enough of it out to matter . Lesson learned the hard way . Some would say not to put them on shavings either . They try to eatthat too . But at least they just eat the little tiny dust pieces and that passes . Nowadays I keep my newborns on layers of papertowels and peel them back as the towels get dirty . I try to do that for at least a week if not more . So I lost one . Now I had five . I have had these same five up until recently when I found one girl dead under the pool deck . I don 't know what happened to her . . . they are getting older . . . but a chicken can possibly live for up to fifteen years . So now I have four left of my original girls . There is nothing like your first chickens . I have new layers out there now , but they are just not bonded with me like my first girls . When you only have five you can spoil them rotten with love and attention and treats . I even wrote a story about them once . I still have it on my computer . I read it now andAs my attachment grew , so did they . It was time for them to go outside and I knew it . Soon they would have to , they were getting too big to keep in the brooder . During the day I would open up the top of the brooder and let them perch on the side . They never got down , just perched there all day getting in and out of the brooder . I would walk by as I was cleaning house or whatever I may have been doing at the time . . . talking to them and petting them all day long . Good afternoon to everyone . Well , Traci , thankyou . . . you sent me some rain just like I asked you to ! ; ) It wasnt even a torrential rain . It is just a nice regular rain with a little breeze . I stood out on the front porch at the end with it blowing in on me . . . sprinkling me with its coolness . Ahhhh . . . feels so good not to be hot . I normally go to bed about 10 . Last night I was a bad girl . I stayed up . Oh boy did I . I don 't sleep well when the moon is full . I know that sounds silly , but I think it has something to do with it being so light outside . Anyway , I read my book for a while . . . I am reading Douglas Preston and Lincoln Childs Dance of Death . It is one of the Detective Pendergast books if you have read any previously . You may remember Relic , that was by both of them also . It was made into a movie , but to me almost always the book is better . So . . . not getting sleepy I got online and browsed for a little while . . . still not sleepy I went to see what I could find on TV . I ended up watching a movie called Haunted with Aiden Quinn in it . I like him . The movie was two and a half hours long , and I said to myself , Self , you can rent this on Netflix sometimes , you need to go to bed . Self did not listen . Self stayed up til 3 a . m . OH well . . . so I slept until almost 11 a . m . this morning . Oops . We all slip up sometimes . ; ) We still got school done . House is cleaned up , vacuumed , dishes done , laundry is going . . . and I need to put a pork roast on the grill . . . but it is raining . So I am gonna sit here a while and talk to all you nice folks . : ) I got a call from Dwain last night . He is having a tough time dealing with dumb people . He asked a friend to take him to pick up some chickens . Maybe he used the term birds , I dont know . His friend got a mile from the ending location and stopped because the road was roughly paved . He informed Dwain that his tires were not made to drive on that kind of road . WHAT ? LOL . Its a VAN they are in . Its not like its a gravel dirt road . He managed to convince hsi friend that it would be alright to drive on this road . They got to the location and as he was loading up the chickens ( bantams now , little chickens ) his friend said . . . now I lie to you not he says . . . I cannot believe that people are really that dumb . Tires that can 't drive on pavement . Chickens that are cows . But it is true . . it is all very true . LOL We usually go to the store today , but we arent going to . Ian is not feeling to well . He is having a lot of sinus trouble and a bad headache from it . It is raining anyway . . . a good day to stay home . We can go tomorrow . I thought I would include a few pictures of Tiger . There used to be a Lily , but he didnt like her too much and got too rough with her and she has since passed on . . . so he is by himself , but he is doing fine . I think he needs some time alone for a while anyway . It seems to be doing him some good . I have been feeding him daily by hand to get him to warm up to me a little . A bird this pretty , you just want to parade him around and hold him and love on him . He doesnt want any part of this though . We have plenty of time . . . maybe one day . Dwain gave me this bird in trade . When I got him he was in molt so his neck feathers were sheathed and his tail was just growing back in . He looks magnificent now . I wish I could catch him displaying his neck , it is something to see , so beautiful . Oh I didnt even mention what he is . He is a Red Golden Pheasant . I lost my other Sumatra hen yesterday . I dont know what has happened in that pen while I am not looking . I do know that when birds are getting their new feathers in they seem really testy and moody . It is and itchy and skin irritating time , so I can 't blame them . Johnny is molting really big time molting . He has no tail left , with new pin feathers growing in and all sheathed pin feathers coming in all around his neck . I am afraid he may have killed her , not meaning to , but I still think somehow her neck got broken . I believe this is what happened to the other one too . So now he is alone . I can 't understand it . She was just fine yesterday when I went out to feed and water , so that must be what happened . I have no extra hens for him . . . I will have to replace them when I can find him some ladies . . . but I think he can wait just a little while too , til he has filled out and has all his new feathers in . Oh guess what . Your not gonna believe this . That cat was back . I was on the screen porch last night talking on the phone with Dwain and I hear a noise . I look out on the step and there sits that dang cat . I couldnt let Tip out to chase . It was dark . . and I was afraid I would lose her out in the vast darkness out here . Time to get out the BB gun I guess . SIGH . Well I reckon that is about all the rambling for now . . . I hope everyone is having a good Thursday . : ) This morning we had some excitement around our little farm . The day before yesterday Tip was getting chickens back in the fence and she was having to retrieve one from the side closest to the cotton field next door to us . My eye caught a flash of black and white streaking into the cotton . It was so quick I thought maybe I was just seeing things . I went over to make sure it wasn 't a chicken . That might be disastrous if a chicken got in there , I don 't know if they are smart enough to find their way back out . No chicken that I could see . My eyes did not decieve me . I DID see what I thought I saw . As I went out to put Phoenix in his porch enclosure this morning I looked over to my left out of the porch and slinking along the garage on the patio was a black cat with white markings . Stalking chickens that were behind the fence , just minding their own business . Sneaking back in to the house quietly I whispered for Tip . She came barrelling through the house as usual , ready to do her duty . I stopped her short of the door and explained to her that she was not getting chickens this morning . I told her " There is a CAT . Get the CAT " . Now she knows about getting cats . I will tell you why later . So she was primed and shot out the door like a lightening bolt onto the porch , me racing to get the porch screen door open and her shooting out into the patio . . . no cat . . . but we know cats . . . it was around the corner not far we were sure . I told her to " Find the CAT " and she was on the trail . . . quickly finding it hiding under the front porch there was much scrabbling and the cat shot out from under the end of the porch with Tip right behind . Both were incredibly fast . Now we dont have many trees . Matter of fact what anyone would consider a real tree , a mature tree with shade to offer . . . well we are just fresh out . The cat headed for the one tall tree we have out front and was half way up before it stopped . Tip was pumped , she was hoppin ' and a barkin ' . It took some convincing but I got her to come on back in . I left the front door open so she could watch the cat in the tree . After a few minutes the cat started to get down . I sent Tip out there to send it back up the tree . She excitedly did her job once more . I wanted this cat to know we meant business and didnt want it to stick around . One more time Tip came back in . I let her watch at the door but this time I let the cat get down . Tip was going nuts barking and whining as that cat ran like its tail was on fire out towards the road and into the cotton field across the road . I dont think we will see it again . ; ) Normally I dont worry about cats too much . We have had a few come and go around here . They will come around at night and catch mice . But I do have one small hen out there , Dorothy . She is a silkie and very small . A cat could probably kill her . So I have to look after her , even though she does have Rough and Rowdy to protect her , and believe me they are fierce protectors of their lady , I dont want to take chances that someone gets mortally wounded if I can help it . This is the first time I have seen a cat take interest in bothering the chickens . . . so it had to go . And go it did . I almost forget to tell why Tip is well schooled in getting the kitty . Back before our cats got old and didnt care anymore ( we are down to one 17 year old ) they liked to try to get away with popping their claws on whatever was handy be it the couch or the carpet . When one would pop , I would tell Tip GET THE KITTY , or GET THE CAT . She would haul butt through the house after the offending cat , chasing it into hiding . After a while , I didnt have to say a word . Tip would hear the popping noise and go after the source . Cats lick too much in my opinion also . It can get quite annoying . Likcing leads to massive hairball logs being vomited somewhere strategically placed so you can step on it in the dark as you go to the bathroom at 3 a . m . in the morning . I have had cats that would be so obsessed with grooming they began to eat their hair off their bodies , so I like to keep the grooming to a minumum as they are after all inside cats and just dont get that dirty . So following the same rules . . . STOP LICKING provoked the dog to come running to stop the offending cat . Now let it be known that you have to remember , Tip is a herding dog so she never actually makes contact with her " prey " so to speak . That would not do . But to have her hauling butt towards you and come within an inch of you staring you down is enough to get anything moving . . . lol . I want to take a minute to thank everyone for coming to visit my journal . It really does mean a lot to me that you stop by and take time out with me . I know I still have some that don 't comment , and thats okay . . . come on out and say something one day if you feel so inclined . Lisa I am so glad to hear you are feeling better . . . don 't over do now , you don 't want a relapse . Hestiahomeschool wrote that her husband wont let them have two silkie hens because they already have too many animals . Hm . . . welll . . . I will tell you . . . Ian and I have an agreement . I can have as much as I want as long as I take care of them and he doesnt have to do stuff . I think I am at my limit right now as I do still have a lot of time taken up with my daughter . . . but I sure do wish I could have a few head of miniature cattle . . . but WOW they are so expensive ! So how many animals do you have anyway ? Paula that is an iron rooster ! That thing sat in a neighbors garage for over twenty years . She knew I loved chickens so much and showed up with it one day when she was stopping in to buy eggs . She said it had just been sitting there and she never knew what to do with it til she met me . She knew I would love it , and of course I do . It had a few cob webs on it and some oil spilled on it , but I cleaned it right up and I liked it so much I put it in the house instead of hanging outside somewhere to get dirty again . Well its time for me to go visit all of you now . . . I need to catch up on putting all my new friends on my side bar here sometime soon too . I hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday . Posted by Good Monday to everyone . Lets all try to have a good week this week . I have a lot I want to accomplish this week . We had a nice weekend . Especially on Sunday since Ian was off work . : ) I sold a lot of eggs this past week so I thought it would be nice to treat us to a morning out to breakfast . We went to Ryans breakfast bar . They always have just about anything you could want or imagine you might want and then some ! After a filling breakfast we meandered on over to Big Lots . Oh , we have to go into Rome , GA to do anything like this by the way . In our little town there is nothing like all that is up in Rome . I didnt find a whole lot I couldnt live without in there . Shelby and Ian found a couple of computer games and I found Shelby a really pretty full size horse calendar for a dollar . It had beautiful pictures of horses by the ocean and running on the beach . Then it was on to Lowes . I always find stuff in there I want ! We went through the garden section first . I picked up some little mums . I am just to much of a cheapy to buy the big grown ones . I figure those little ones will get bigger eventually . Then we passed this bamboo fountain . Oh it was so cool . It was on clearance . Gravitating to it we really liked it . So we put the last one they had in the buggy . I got some barn paint for Derbys barn . Ian drooled over all the massive tool boxes . There is a Kobalt set top and bottom he wants . He does have to have stuff like that for work . He has one now but got it back when he first started in maintenance and could really use more room . So he is getting on the ball and selling his two ' broken but useful to someone that likes those cars ' SC 35th Anniversary Thunderbirds . There is actually a message board just for Thunderbird car lovers . . . can you believe that . . so he posted and already has two potential buyers . Now I need to get on the ball and sell my older truck , then maybe we can get his toolbox and take a three day trip to Florida like we always like to do this time of year . Yeahhh . . . . We got back home and tore into the bamboo fountain . Ian set it up and got it turned on . Now in reality this thing was meant to be out in a garden or on a porch , something like that . No . . . we both agreed it would be really cool to have it in the house . . . so here it sits , trickling and bopping . . . you can see the little piece that rocks back and forth on the top . . . filling with water and then tipping over . . . it makes a little hollow wooden sound everytime it does that . . . its kind of relaxing . . . we love it . Besides when it gets cold we wouldnt be able to have it outside anyway ! So why not have it inside to enjoy all the time . When the weather starts to get too cool I will bring in all my tropical plants like my Sago Palm ( LOVE this plant ) and place them around it , wont that be pretty ? Been a long day . . . but I did manage to get the one thing I wanted to get done today accomplished . I got Bonnie and Clydes house finished . Now this doesnt look like much , but trust me . . it is built with messy chickens in mind . It is also a plain old white right now . . . but I will soon have it looking good with some stenciling or something . Now first I wanted to point out the thick plexiglass barrier along the bottom half of the enclosure . That my friends is to keep messy chicken feet from kicking pine shavings out everywhere . I also plan on seasonal curtains to close up over the side and front . For winter I will get some nice snow pattern or something like that in a thick material like flannel or fleece . Oh it will be so much fun to change out the curtains ! LOL They both seem very happy and very content with their new living quarters . . and that makes me very happy to know that they are happy . Its all of ten oclock and I am ready for bed . Boy am I the party animal or what on Saturday night ! LOL I have learned you better not party the night away or you will still have to get up with the chickens . . . and feel like ten miles of bad road . . . he he . . . so I opt for a good nights sleep . It would seem that Saturday mornings are when I have the most time to sit and reflect . . . to sit and think without interruption . So , I will indulge myself one more time before I go outside . Why not ? It IS the weekend ! Shelby sleeping late , Ian at work . . . I can take some time to think about things and share them here . Well I won 't lie , I wasn 't always bent on living in the country . When I was in my twenties I didnt know what I wanted until I got pregnant with Shelby and then my whole perspective changed . I had a child to think about , and I wanted the best environment possible for her to grow up in . It took some doing , but we accomplished that as we live and breathe here in present day . Some people never get the chance to ' get out " of the crowded city life . We made it happen , and I feel so fortunate . Anyway . . . as I grew older and wiser , as I mellowed in my old age . . . I began to gravitate towards country ' things ' . I started going to rodeos . . . I was dreaming of the country life . I frequented country living message boards . . . reading about people that already lived this life I wanted so badly . We went to fairs that had country crafts , animals , Cattle , sheep , pig , llama , rabbit , cavy , goat shows . What a wonderful world they must live in to bring their animals to show . I gravitated towards country music probably about ohhh . . . twelve or so years ago . The song that got me started . . . now don 't laugh . Hmmmm . . . fresh eggs . . . what does that mean ? They have chickens back there ? Is it safe to buy eggs like that ? ( I know , what a dummy , I didnt know any better ) Curiousity got the better of me and I drove up the dirt and gravel driveway . A nice lady came out and I bought a dozen for a dollar . I took those eggs home and we had some that weekend for breakfast . I had never known eggs could actually have TASTE until this moment . Imagine my surprise when I saw that egg yolks are not in fact a washed out pale yellow color like from the store . I was hooked . OH yes , I had to go back and get more of these . Three weeks into it , their girls went into molt and stopped laying . : ( Talk about sad . What to do ? What to do ? Where do you get chickens ? I didnt have a clue . I hadnt ever heard of the Market Bulletin , didnt know that flea markets had poultry for sale all the time . I didnt have a clue . So I asked on a message board . Try a feed store they said . Okay . I went to a very long standing feed store . . . and sure enough , they had chicks . . . well , not right then . They would have them in the Spring . I could hardly wait . But wait I did . During that time I researched the internet and learned as much as I could about raising chicks . Boy did I learn a lot . I still learn things today . So Spring came . . . well , I started calling the feed store back in January . . . asking if they had any chicks in yet . I wonder if they knew my voice after so many calls . . . lol . I had settled on Buff Orpingtons as my first chicks . They are a docile friendly breed and great layers . They finally came . . oh they came ! Off to the feed store I went with my little box ready . I bought six little buff orpington chicks . . little yellow fuzzballs of joy . I was just so happy ! I was going to have my very own eggs ! Well , in about five or six months . . . ; ) Chicks have to be kept at a certain temperature when they are little . . . or they will die . you start at about 95 degrees and take five degrees off each week as they get older . I had a heat lamp set up . . . medicated feed , medicated water , the proper waterers and feeders . . . I was ready to go ! I regulated the temperature in the brooder with a towel on top of the cut out lid with window screen attached over the cut out section . Here are some of the very first pictures I took when I started my hobby with chickens . Well that is about enough for today , I really should get on outside now . I will go further along on this story at another time . I hope everyone has a great weekend , I sure am going to try to . : ) Last Sunday I went to pick up Mama and Daddy , and to my surprise hell must have frozen over because my younger sister was actually going with us . None of us would believe it until she actually showed up at the doorstep . . that is how reliable she can be . She really has good intentions . . . and we all know some really bad things have happened in history where good intentions were implemented . But , this time things were going to be alright . She showed up , late , but showed . We took off about a half an hour late , but not a big deal . Made pretty good time down to Geneva . I thought MY little town was small . When I got back I looked up the population of Geneva and found it had only 113 people . I think half of them ( no , I really mean it , half of the population ) were in the Subway sandwich shop . That is the happening after church lets out place to go . Well , it is the only place to go . There is nothing else out there . I mean nothing . We all got our sandwiches along with Grandmamas . Erin had gone next door to the convenience store , and came back with what I havent seen since I was a kid . A Nehi drink , yes , I guess you can expect to find ancient artifacts like Nehis in Geneva . We all got settled in her little cubby corner half of the room and ate our sandwiches , making small talk , showing pictures . She was delighted to see Phoenix . Of course I brought him ! I wouldnt leave him at home when his presence was requested . He was his usual friendly self , a very social little man . Three hours passed and before you knew it we had to get back on the road . You see it takes two and a half hours to get back to Mama and Daddys house . . . then another hour and fourty five minutes for me to get to my house from theirs . It is getting dark so early now and I don 't do so well in the dark so we had to get going . There is one thing that Grandmama said to me that made me smile . As she rubbed Phoenix underneath his neck feathers she said to me " I never understood why you loved chickens so much , but now I know , and now I understand . " For someone to " get " me , and " get " what I feel for my pet chickens is a big deal . Especially if it is Grandmama . . . because in all my years the only thing I ever remember her really loving were cats . . . and that was a long time ago . She is not big on the natural world of plants and animals . . . she loves her modern conveniences for sure . So for her to say that meant a lot . As luck would have it Erin and Daddy both developed stomach problems . We had to make several stops if you know what I mean . I still made it back to familiar territory before darkfall . All in all we had a good visit . I don 't have any pictures because Grandmama didnt want me to take any . She has had to go off of Aleve for her pain and they have put her on Predenisone ( sp ? ) . She didnt feel up to snuff and said she just didnt look good . She did look a little tired . Derby is doing fine , he has been on his vitamins for a couple of weeks now . . . lol . . . he thinks he is getting a treat when he gets those pellets . Ha , fooled him . I do think it is helping him . He seems to look better and his new hoof growth looks good , doesnt seem to have the fever rings on the upper hoof . Well , enough talking , time to get to work ! There is always work to be done . Shelby has her work today too . . . she will be cleaning the barn out completely and putting down fresh wheat straw in there . Here are a few pictures of my growing Silkies . These are the ones I got from Dwain . Twiggy is on the end there . . . that has become Shelbys favorite little guy now . : ) Back to Tips Story . Now Tip and I were inseperable . She went wherever I did . If I went to visit anybody , she was in the truck riding with me . Riding may seem like an easy thing . . . even enjoyable for a dog . Not my dog though . For the first year of her life I had to give her Dramamine ( motion sickness ) pills like what people take to keep from getting carsick . Had to pop her a pill about 30 minutes before we left . . . then she was still nervous , but she didnt throw up in the truck at least . After about a year , it just kind of went away and she was fine . Loved to go wherever . We take her to Florida with us , I take her to my parents . Trips to Petsmart when we used to go . She always went with me to pick Shelby up from school when she used to go to public school . Our first time to the beach she wasnt too sure about the ocean . . . she would go in and out with the tide . . . not wanting the water to consume her . She learned very quickly not to drink the salty water as it caused the ummmm squirts you could say ! LOL Now when we go she is into it . She crashes her chest against the waves , leaping into them . We keep her on a 24 foot retractable leash just in case . I don 't want my poor dog going out to sea . I have some very funny pictures of her at the beach . . . I will have to see about those too . . . So , back to doing the fair . We did the Fair for two years in a row . So if you saw that show , that was Tip and I . I think we may have stole the show as ( I will not name him here ) the man was amazed at the turn out when people saw the set up . My set up was very colorful , caught your eye . Green , red , blue , very striking colors . We had some good times , but things turned bad . I don 't know to this day why he didnt want me to do the show with him anymore , but he tried to lie to me and tell me the Fair representatives didnt want me doing it . When I contacted someone about this word got back , and he was furious . Furious because I had called him on a lie . At the time I didnt know he had lied to me , so he was caught . He threatened me , said he would sue me if he lost his contract and the money that would have been made from doing the fair gigs . Can you believe that ? Pretty bad . He said he didnt ever want to hear from me or see me again . Well you know each year when we went to the fair we saw his show anyway . Know what . He has told me he hates doing the show . He just does it for the money . Isnt that sad . I really loved doing it and I didnt get paid a dime . My reward was talking to people afterwards . He told me that my dog was not doing the course perfectly and it made him look bad . Well his dogs were not perfect either . I think it was just an excuse . Linda , I think it was asked me how I trained her to do the things she does . Well , half of it is natural instinct . The other half is me directing that instinct . If I have the soccer ball , she is focusing on that ball . . . if I tell her to Come By , she knows to go to the left , and I will kick it to the left . I also have her Get Out ( move outwards ) and Come By . . . and I keep saying Come By . . . and she will circle me . . . the same goes for Away To Me . . . that is the dogs right . . . and I go through the same motions . Walk Up is when I am going to kick the ball straight to her . She has to Get Out , and then I get her to Walk Up . . . slow slow . . . and will sometimes make her stop by holding up my hand and saying Wait . . if she continues to creep I will give the command Lie Down . Lie Down in herding speak does not necessarily mean stay . . . it just stops the motions for a moment . I will pop the ball up and she will catch it . All these commands are useful to direct her in herding because sometimes she gets too excited and will actually herd the chickens away from the fence . This usually happens at first when she is first out there . . . til she settles in and gets to work . Tip is seven years old now . She is still like my second child . I love that dog more than anyone could know . . . so it is hard for me to see her with all the phobias that she has . I will say this , working her helps her to relax . I have not done near enough of that . So the chicken herding is really helping her to have an outlet . Tip . . . what a dog . Border collies are like no other breed that is for sure . You better be ready for a wild ride when you obtain a border collie . Shelby was born in October of 1994 . She never saw a day care or a preschool , so she was home with me and the first five years I had her all to myself . So , when it was time for her to go to school . . . there was an empty spot in my life . In October of 2001 we went to the Georgia National Fair just as we always do . Each year there is a demonstration done by a man with extraordinary dogs . One in particular . His name is Tip . This dog lives to work , I mean really , non stop . When he is chained to the fence waiting his turn in the demonstration he loops around and steps over the chain over and over , staring intently at the sheep in the pen area . I think this obsession has been what has kept him alive today . Tip ( my Tips Daddy ) has had cancer for two years , but he doesnt know it apparently . He will be 11 or 12 years old now . . . and I hope he will still be alive when we go , not letting the cancer get him . So , back to my Tip . We had been talking for some time about getting a dog . We both knew we wanted a border collie , but we wanted the dog from real working stock . . . none of this back yard breeder stuff . I have seen what back yard breeding does to border collies . When Shelby was in elementary school her school had a " Dog Day " one weekend . You brought your dog to show off his or her talents . We set up the agility course for Tips talents . There was another border collie there . He had had all the instinct of a border collie bred out of him , you could tell , you could see it in his eyes , the passion and obsession this type of dog has was gone . He did not crouch . . . his stance was like any normal dog . A herding dog slinks . . . has an intense stare towards what it is herding . This dog had none of that , and it was sad really . Wow I keep trailing off dont I . LOL So we brought our money and got the last pup he had . Sired by Tip . . . a national champion herding dog among other achievements . He sold the pup to us for a hundred dollars less just because he wanted the pup to go to a dedicated home and he felt we were the ones to have her . That was the start of a whole new world . What a dog . She was great . I no longer had to yell for the cats to stop popping their claws on the furniture or puking on my bed covers . She was on top of things . All it took was one pop , one puking sound and she was on their butts . I am down to one cat now , and then that will be all for me . I am done with cats . Where we used to live there was an overabundance of squirrels . So many my bird feeders were almost always under attack . She was always on top of things , a black and white streak out the door to chase them away . Sometimes there would be as many as twenty squirrels out there . . . what fun for her ! When my first chickens started living outdoors in their new chicken house we began to have a rat problem . Even taking up food does not keep rats away . See , rats eat the chicken poop too . Yes , I know . . . gross . She was on top of that too , along with my have a heart trap , of which I had no heart if one was unlucky enough to get trapped . . . if you know what I mean . It was dispatched to rat heaven right away . A couple of miles from our old home there was a couple that had dogs that ran agility . Their back yard backed up to the road and you could see the jumps , teeters , weave poles , all of that . So one day I stopped in and asked about it all . . . we talked for a long time . . . she made everything herself out of PVC pipes and such . So you guessed it , I went and got what I needed and started making stuff . I have a few pictures of these . . . I will post later . I made my own tunnel at first then later I bought a collapsing tunnel and a regular tunnel off of the internet . As we practiced and got better I talked to the man that had sold her to us . . . he inquired as to what we had been doing with Tip and I told him . He asked if we might like to do a little run and add to his herding demonstration showing the diversity of the border collie . I am going to continue this . . . but I dont want this to get too long . . . so I will be back . Another advantage to homeschooling is you dont have to stay with the group ! You can take your time , read it all . . . take it all in . Ian took the day off and we went to Fernbank Museum . There was so much to see and do . One whole room was dedicated to optical illusions , and so much more . I have many more pictures I will show later . . . but it is getting late and we need to start school soon . My days have been very busy so I have not been able to make as many entries and share as many pictures as I would like . So I am keeping them short for today . I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend . I will be gone Sunday with my parents to visit my grandmother in Geneva , Ga . See you when I get back . : ) Tip is pretty happy about her new job as of late . She is a border collie . . . bred from working stock , so any chance she gets to work is like candy is to a kid . She needs no reward for working because being able to work is a reward in itself for her . I taught her herding commands early on in her life with a soccer ball . She knows Away To Me , Come By . Walk Up and Lie Down is especially helpful to help control the speed in which she pushes the chickens back through the fence wire . She loves it , and it saves a lot of hollering and yelling and frustration to have her go out and tend to business . She probably does a better job at it than I ever could anyway . ; ) She lives to keep these chickens in check . We have gone out four times already this morning . Last chicken check they were all still in the fence . . . they will learn , Tip will be sure of it . See that hose ? Yes , he had just had a bath . Why oh why do they like so much to roll right after a bath ? It is kinda funny to see though . . . I have to laugh when he does it . Lets talk horses today . I am a novice horse owner . . I try to learn as much as I can before acquiring and animal , but as my farrier says , you never stop learning about horses . He also told me that anyone that owns a horse has to be crazy , and he has four of them , so go figure ! LOL It is coming up on one year that we have had Derby . When we got him he was fat , over a hundred pounds overweight . The owners I believe lied and told us he had never foundered . How can a horse that is kept at such a heavy weight not founder . I believe that he had . Once a horse founders , he will be forever damaged goods . His feet will never be the same , and you will have to really watch that horse closely , his eating , his feet , his weight . Not that you wouldnt with any horse , but especially one that has foundered . When we got Derby he was an unruly , spoiled brat . He expected lots of treats and lots of food . If he didnt get what he wanted he could and did bite . He bit Shelby the second day we had him . He bit me several weeks later and kicked the fire out of my leg at one point . It took a lot of doing , but we have managed to make him into a reasonably mannered and behaved horse . A year ago I would not have trusted him around kids . Derby foundered not long after we bought him . He didnt go down , but he was hurting and in pain . The vet was out with anti inflammatory drugs and pain meds and in two weeks we had him back to a somewhat normal place . He gets no grain , no cookies , an occasional carrot is okay for him to have . He no longer molests us and checks pockets constantly for treats . Unless you are new here . If you come over . . . he remembers . . . and will check your pockets . Cause new people might give in to him . . . nope sorry , not gonna happen . We have plenty of acreage . Three of it is fenced pasture . He cannot enjoy it though because miniature horses do not know when to quit eating . You have to have them practically live on a rock pile as the farrier puts it . He has to stay in a small lotted area just for him . He has all his comforts , a barn , fresh water . . . but he would eat himself to death if he was out back , so he stays in his little area . The farrier says that it is an enormous area to him . I don 't know about that . Either way , I have to keep him up , or he will eat and founder . Over the summer I think he has probably lost about 20 more pounds , which will make about 50 he has lost since we have had him . The farrier says he has to lose more . I am not feeding him anything now . He only nibbles on what grass he can get in his lot . It is a catch 22 . . . if you give him more room . . . he gets more exercise . . . or so you would think . . . but they don 't , he stands and eats all day . If I keep him up he sure isnt getting any exercise though is he . Lesser of two evils is to keep him up . I have learned a hard lesson . The farrier and I talked for quite a while the other day . He said he wasnt telling me that Derby was on the edge of having to be put down or that I should get rid of him , but basicly I have damaged goods . He does , and always will have foot problems . This particular visit he said Derby has the beginnings of seedy toe . He also has fever rings on this front hooves . Seedy toe is where the white line in the foot is stretching . That is bad . Fever rings are from swelling and going back down , swelling and going back down . He says it doesnt necessarily mean he had a fever , just means there was swelling . I cant feed him any less than he is eating now . That would be starving him . He isnt eating that much at all now . I moved the fence line and closed off a portion of his lot , made it smaller . So he has less to eat now than before . I needed to close that off anyway as he was scrubbing and scratching himself on the chicken pens and destroying them . I went to Tractor Supply and bought some Hoof vitamin pellets , and some all around vitamin pellets . If he is only eating small amounts of grass he needs some vitamins , and anything that will help his hooves will be a good thing . What have I gotten myself into . We have worked so hard to make him a good horse , and he is now , and it isnt his fault that his feet are messed up at six years old . But we will forever have to manage his feet . The farrier showed me a color chart of the four stages of laminitis , foundering . He is in that third stage . As in , he is not foundering NOW , but the result of him foundering before has made it to where he is permanently at that damaged stage . I have told Shelby we will do everything we can to promote healthy hooves and a healthy horse . But I do not believe that he will make it for say twenty more years , not on those damaged feet . I told her that if he goes down , ever , I will not let him die like that . He will have to be put down . Now I make it sound horrible I know . He really is a happy healthy boy , and I have a commitment to any animal that I get . I don 't get rid of an animal just because I was stupid enough to buy a horse that had messed up feet and behavior problems to begin with . I know it was a big change and traumatic for him to be sold , and I will not sell him and make him go to another home and have to get used to those people all over again . But , in retrospect , I wish I had just gotten a couple of goats . I like goats . But then , Derby was and is not for me , he is Shelbys horse . She takes good care of him every evening . She brushes him and sprays him with his fly spray . She talks to him , sings to him , loves him , hugs him and gives him kisses on the nose . They do love each other . . . so we will always have him , from now , until the day he dies . |
Our road to discovery began as Dr . Russo 's assistant guided us into the exam room and we were seated . He was an older fellow - very friendly , but not too computer savvy - who was searching the keyboard for the correct letters before typing at an excruciatingly slow pace with only two fingers . Sarah and I smiled at each other , holding back our laughter . About fifteen minutes later , when he had finished asking us questions and entering the responses into a medical document , he performed a slit lamp examination on my eyes . When he was finished , he had me tilt my head back and released two different drops into my eyes . " Dr . Russo may want to test you , " he said . " The eye drops will take a few minutes to kick in , and then he 'll be in to see you . It was nice to meet you . " He shook my hand and then Sarah 's and walked out the door . We waited for about twenty minutes , making silly faces at each other - what seems to have become a ritual at my appointments - until Dr . Russo glided in . I need to paint a picture of this man before moving on because that is exactly what it was like : a picture - Dr . Russo looked like a caricature . In walks this tall , thin man in his late thirties , holding a manila folder . He was wearing an open laboratory coat and underneath , he donned a white button - up shirt with a maroon vest . To top it off , he wore a large , maroon bowtie . He walked towards me with a perpetual smile - that lasted the entire appointment - staring straight into my eyes , arm extended , perfectly straight . As he turned to place the folder on a table , I waved Sarah down , pointed to my neck and mouthed , " bowties are cool . " She nodded in excitement , immediately understanding the reference to one of our favorite television shows , Doctor Who . There was a glimmer in her eye , and I wondered if she was thinking the same thing I was : If " The Doctor " were real , this guy would be totally believable as one of his incarnations ! " I woke up sick on Valentine 's Day and within a week I was beginning to lose hearing in my right ear , " I said . " My doctor couldn 't figure it out , she thought it was probably an ear infection but referred me to an ENT , who thought the same thing . About two weeks later , I woke up sick again and began to lose hearing in my left ear . " He had me lean forward and used the same slit lamp machine that his assistant had used ; only this time he turned on the most unnatural bright lights and shined them in my eyes . It was almost unbearable as my eyes began to water and ache . When he was finished , Dr . Russo pushed the machine away , leaned back in his chair , pointed at me and said , " You have Cogan 's Syndrome . " He paused , giving me a moment to ask him a question . So I did . " You have Cogan 's Syndrome , " he said , this time spelling it out for me . I still didn 't understand , but I knew that I had finally been diagnosed . As he continued , he spoke in short , choppy sentences with pauses in between each one - not enough of a pause , however , for me to speak . " It 's an autoimmune disease . Very rare . It affects your eyes ; your hearing ; your balance , " he swayed back and forth in demonstration . " You 'll need to do a Remicade treatment here at the hospital . Once a month . For two years . It 's a long process . You 'll start with a pre - treatment this week : you 'll need to go across the street where the infusions take place . You 'll start with a steroid directly injected into your bloodstream for three consecutive days . I 'm also going to put you on Methotrexate . You 'll take it once a week . I 'm going to prescribe you more Prednisone . You 'll take it daily , " he continued on with his fragmented speech through a plastered on smile but I lost track somewhere at the beginning . His assistant gave Sarah the written copy explaining everything I had missed . Sarah spoke and motioned to the paper , asking questions until she seemed satisfied she had a grasp on the correct course of action . The first two items on the list were to get an X - Ray of my chest and have blood work done right away . It was unlikely , but I gathered from the discussion that there was a chance that this disease could impact my heart . My blood would now need to be tested every two weeks as Methotrexate can affect the liver . Phew . We spent twenty minutes in Dr . Russo 's third assistant 's office after that . Trudy 's presence is infectiously enthusiastic ; one can 't help but feel a little bit happier when one is sharing a room with her . She spoke with Sarah for several minutes , got on the phone and made appointments for us , faxed documents to our primary care doctor , and printed out information we would need . We took the elevator to another floor to get my chest x - ray and blood work done . We decided it was better to do it then than to wait until later . In the waiting room , Sarah got my attention and started to delineate the gist of all that had happened in Dr . Russo 's office . " I know ! " We couldn 't help but try and mimic the expression : moving our lips ever so slightly with the rest of our faces completely statuesque . We have done this many times since . Sarah relayed the explanation in its entirety , speaking slowly and annunciating her words so that I could comprehend what she was saying . She told me that Dr . Russo had indicated I should be getting at least some of my hearing back with the treatment . She went on to express her conversation with Trudy . " Trudy is amazing . I 'm sure you saw that she handled her interaction with us like we were her first and only priority . She also explained where you will be going to get your treatments , " she hesitated to make sure I was following her . " You are going to the cancer center to get your infusions . She explained that you would be in a room with patients receiving chemotherapy and that she didn 't want us to get there and be shocked by it all . " " Yeah . You are getting the steroid injections on Wednesday , Thursday and Friday , and then you will start Remicade on Monday . They moved some things around to make sure you could get in as soon as possible . " " Busy week . How are you going to be able to fit this in with your work schedule ? " At this point , I hadn 't driven in about three weeks due to my vertigo . " Really good , " I said . " We finally know what I have and that it 's treatable . It 's a bummer that it 's going to be such a long recovery process , but I am thankful that I 've finally been diagnosed . " " Yeah , and Dr . Russo seems really good . He immediately knew just by looking at your eyes and hearing your story . It was amazing , " she said . When I lost hearing in my right ear I was shocked , but I thought things were bound to get better . A short period later , I lost hearing in my left ear - fear and confusion stepped in , replacing any semblance of understanding and hope for a speedy recovery . I was unsure of what was going on , but I didn 't have time to think of all of the important or even minute facets of my life that I would truly begin to miss . In the midst of appointments , tests and , admittedly , my own decision to hide my feelings behind books and countless hours of reading , my mind was clouded . The one thing that I know I miss the most is music . " What are you singing ? " I asked . I hadn 't even realized that she had turned the radio on . All I was able to see were her moving lips . I figured it out ; but that didn 't make it any better . I stared out the passenger side window , watching the trees and the buildings pass by . In that moment , I realized that if I ever did hear music again , it would not be the same . Most of the time I like to do my writing in our living room , sitting on the couch with the laptop comfortably rested on my crossed legs . I used to listen to music while writing . I found it put me in a certain mood , depending on the artist I would play at the time - whether it was the soothing , melodic style of Greg Laswell , or the eclectic , indie - pop sounds of The Shins - music acted as a catalyst for how the words would flow . I can 't do that anymore . I write , and I enjoy myself , but I 'm missing a huge a part of what made writing fun for me . I would turn on The Naked and Famous radio station on Pandora , allowing the fun dance music with its heavy base and electronic rhythms to amplify throughout our apartment while I cleaned . I would dust and sweep , wash dishes and put clothes away , all the while dancing around like a maniac . Sometimes - if the right song came on - I would pop and lock ( especially when Sarah wasn 't watching ) and attempt to breakdance . Vertigo prevents me from doing any of this , while hearing loss limits me to clean in silence . This past weekend , March 17th - 18th , we visited my parents in New Paltz . This had been the first time we had seen them since I thought I had an ear infection . When we went to church on Sunday , I was thrilled that my hearing in my right ear had improved a bit , and I was able to listen to the sermon through a headset ; however , the music was painful . For a moment , I listened to the band play , my dad on lead guitar , and all I heard was loud , piercing noise . I plugged my ears . I miss hearing all of my favorite artists . Many albums have been released since I grew ill that I will never be able to fully grasp . The worst part of not being able to listen to music is that I can 't hear Sarah 's beautiful voice . Sometimes I can hear her sing , but when I do , it doesn 't sound like her . She sounds robotic and high - pitched . What once was a blessing for me is now an agonizing experience because I don 't believe she will ever sound the same to me again . My life is now a melody of silence and unfamiliar noise . If loud enough , what was once smooth and beautiful is now a screeching , piercing reality . Music is a part of my past . It 's not as though I thought I was invincible growing up - that I could don a cape and tights , fight crime and never get hurt . In fact , I got hurt quite a bit . I 've had numerous broken bones and other injuries that helped me to understand my own mortality ; however , I never expected to have a serious health issue that would render me debilitated - at least , I didn 't think that anything could happen to me at such a young age . Even after experiencing the death of a friend in high school and then a close friend two years later , the idea that anything serious could ever happen to me was pushed to the far reaches of my mind . I 'm sure that whatever is going on inside of me is not fatal , but it doesn 't change the fact that it 's hard to deal with . I 'm not having an easy time coping with this . I tell everyone all of the time that God is good and He is getting me through this - and I know that that is true - but I don 't feel it every day . And then there 's Sarah . She 's been amazing throughout the entirety of my It 's no fun having to see a doctor practically every day . It 's no fun being the subject of test after test . None of it is fun . This is my new life , though . Today was no different . My first appointment was an MRI . I had never had one before , but I had imagined what it would be like based on what I have seen in movies and television . I was right for the most part , although I didn 't realize that it would be so loud . I guess the good thing about not being able to hear anything is that it wasn 't too loud for me - granted , I had head phones on to block out most of the noise , so who really knows ? As I lay back , and the bed began to move deep into the cylindrical machine , I thought about what the lady issuing the test had said to me , " Remain as still as possible . This will take about 45 minutes , " and my mind shifted all over the place . How the heck am I supposed to not move for 45 minutes ? Maybe I 'll fall asleep . What if I have to go to the bathroom - I did drink a lot of water before . What if I have to scratch my nose , or my leg ? I won 't be able to reach my leg , anyway . I wonder if whatever machine she is looking at to process my results , has the capability to read my thoughts ? Can she read my thoughts ? Don 't think . Don 't think . Don 't think of anything stupid . Shut up , Max . Go to sleep . When the bed began to move out , I woke up . Thank you , God , that that is over . Wait , what if she read my thoughts while I was asleep ? I met Sarah in the hallway and she hooked arms with me , helping me outside . " It was fine , " I said . " I fell asleep through most of it . She had me wear a set of headphones to block out the noise of the machine . " I sat still , waiting for the right words to say . She is so strong , I thought . I don 't know if I could do any of this without her . We met with Dr . Mazen after a series of hearing tests with his audiologist . He is a thin , bald man in his forties with bushy eyebrows . He shook my hand and then Sarah 's and like the plethora of doctors that I had seen already , he had me explain what happened . " Wow , I 'm sorry you have to go through this , " he said . " I 'm going to try something . I 'm going to place my hands on either side of your head and I 'm going to twist it from side to side . I want you to try and focus on my nose with your eyes . " " I 'm sorry . " I shook my head , not understanding what he said and still dizzy from my head being passed about between two hands like a basketball . He repeated himself . " Good . Well , I have to tell you . Your balance will never be the same again , " he said . " I want you to do some physical therapy . It will really help you learn to adjust to your balance issue . You 'll learn to refocus and you 'll get used to walking around on your own again without any help . " " I also want you to set up an appointment with Dr . Russo . He 's an eye disease specialist , and there is a chance he will be able to diagnose you . He 'll probably want to have you get some blood work done as well . " I paused . " Good , I guess . I mean , it was a small step forward , and that 's good I suppose . I just wish were easier . We didn 't really learn anything new today . Just more uncertainty . " That is exactly what Sarah did . She may have also bought a shirt or two as well , but I couldn 't blame her . She had been through a lot these past couple of months and deserved something special . Besides , it didn 't hurt that the shirt looked really good on her . I met solely with Kelly today who administered various tests to determine the severity of my balance issues as well as some more hearing tests . She and her assistant guided me slowly - taking into account my dizziness - into an examination room . They sat me in a chair and Kelly spoke . The tests took about an hour altogether . First they had me stare at a thin screen about four feet long that hung on the wall . A red dot appeared and bounced from spot to spot on the screen ; or sometimes it slid across the screen in slow motion ; or sometimes at a rapid pace . I was supposed to follow the dot with my eyes only , keeping my head completely still . This part wasn 't too bad , but I could tell that my eyes were all over the place . I was unable to focus on the moving object . For the next examination , they made the chair recline all the way back so that it was as flat as a bed , though I was still sitting up . They held onto me and then in one swift movement , pulled the upper half of my body all the way back and turned my head to the left so that it was now touching the pillow they had placed at the head of the bead . When my head hit the pillow , I was supposed to stare at a specific spot on the wall . Kelly and Brad repeated this test a few times until it was time to turn my head to the right side . The final balance test consisted of me laying down with my body to the right and then to the left . At opposite times they blew warm or cold air into both of my ears and had me go through the alphabet using girl names , or boy names , or cities and states . This , surprisingly , was the most difficult test . By the end of it I was hardly able to stand . It took me a few minutes and two cups of water to regain some focus and move on to the hearing tests - which were the same ones that had been administered a couple of days ago . Sarah picked me up a couple of hours after she had dropped me off and we got some lunch . While eating a delicious burrito , my brother , Gideon , called . This was actually the first time I had spoken with him since all of my problems began . He wanted to see how I was doing and how Sarah was doing . He asked about my tests and that we keep him updated . Gideon told me that he admires how well I have been handling everything and that he is really proud of me . Hearing that - from my older brother - made my day . It truly was great to hear from him , and to know that he and his wife are thinking about me . Tonight , Sarah 's sisters , Kim and Christin , along with their husbands , Lukas and Matt , came over and helped Sarah clean the apartment . With my incapacitated state and all that Sarah has had to do as of late , our apartment hadn 't been fully cleaned in months . The girls cleaned our bedroom - which was the biggest disaster of all - while the guys cleaned the kitchen , the living room and the guest room . What a kindness it was to have them give up their time and selflessly invest themselves in our well - being ! God has been so good through all of this . Sarah and I have been trusting that He has a plan for us , even though it has been hard at times not knowing what the future might bring . But we keep being reminded that He is in control . Blessings flow from His hands . On March 12th , the day we got back from our first meeting with Dr . Feldman , there was a letter in the mail addressed to " Max and Sarah Pfeffer . " It was from by oldest brother Casey and his wife , Sarah ( I know , two Sarah Pfeffers - who would have guessed ? ) . When we got upstairs , I forgot about it initially and went to the couch to begin reading . Sarah walked over to me several minutes later with wet eyes . She grabbed the book out of my hand , placed it gently on the coffee table and replaced it with the letter . I looked at her knowing face and sensed that there was something powerful at work . The letter was a full page and was in Casey 's handwriting . Casey and I haven 't always done the best at staying in touch since he moved to California about six years ago . Seeing the effort he put into this despite of his busy schedule was a gift in and of itself . The letter described how much they are praying for us and love us . They told us about the financial struggles they had had in the past , but how God has been providing for them lately and they 've been doing really well . They felt the need to give back and had been praying for a long time about to what or whom they should give . It was tenderly expressed that there was no doubt in their minds that the money belonged to us . I finished reading the letter and looked at the check . My eyes widened and tears immediately fell . Not only did we not ask or expect anything at all , but it was an extremely generous gift . Sarah and I held each other - my arms around her back , her chin on my shoulder ; we wouldn 't let go . We remained as one , thanking God for his provisions . I haven 't been to work in weeks , and I have no idea when I will be able to return , but this will surely help for a little while . Quite a bit happened today at my appointment with Dr . Feldman . Was there any resolution ? Not completely , but we are finally moving forward and we 've actually found a doctor we trust ! Sarah held my hand as she led me into Dr . Feldman 's office . I sat down in the waiting room as she let the receptionist know that we had arrived . She sat down next to me and helped me fill out all of the paperwork . Sarah nudged me because I couldn 't hear . We both stood up and walked over to the woman . She shook my hand and looked directly at me . I couldn 't hear a word she said , and I wasn 't able to read her lips , but I figured she wanted me to follow her as she started walking away , so I did . Sarah and I entered a small room with another sound proof room - enclosed by a glass door and windows - inside . Sarah sat down in an empty chair and Kelly motioned for me to enter the sound proof room . There was a chair inside that she had me sit in . She leaned forward and said , " I 'm going to do a series of tests to see where your hearing is at . For the first test , I 'm going to place these colored tubes in your ears . You don 't need to do anything , but you may hear some loud noises . " " Okay , " I said , still not really positive of all that she said . I watched as she placed two different colored stoppers on the ends of two long wires . Uh oh , the same test that Santa did . I hope this actually helps . Kelly placed them in my ears and left the room , closing the door behind her . She sat down at a desk on the other side of the window and began the test . I could hear various sounds in my right ear - fairly quiet , but noticeable . I couldn 't hear a thing in my left ear . I looked through the glass door at Sarah who was looking at me and smiling . I pulled my upper lip up over my top set of teeth so that I looked like a gopher . Her smile widened . Kelly got up from the desk and came back in the room . She removed the wires and put them away . She then pulled a set of head phones off of a hook and placed them on my head , only not like regular headphones . One side went behind my left ear , at the back of my head , and the other side in front of my right ear , in the front of my head . Then she handed me something that looked like a joystick with a large button on top . She left the room and closed the door . I began hearing faint beeps in my right ear just a moment after she sat down . A few minutes later she returned and switched the headset . I spent a few minutes in the room , listening as carefully as possible for any beeps , but I heard nothing . " One more test . " I raised one finger as a way of asking " one ? " and furrowed my brow in response . " Yes . I 'm going to read some words to you . I want you to repeat them back to me . " She placed a different set of headphones on me and went to her desk . She placed a paper over her mouth so I couldn 't read her lips and began to speak . I was able to repeat back to her roughly half of what she was saying . My face was getting hot as the frustration grew . Come on , Max , you can do this . But I couldn 't . Half of what she said sounded like muffled sound . She knelt down and showed us the sheet with my hearing test results on it . She began to speak and point to diagrams and numbers but I couldn 't catch everything she was saying or what it all meant . I was able to catch certain phrases like " really bad " , and " way below normal " , and " severe hearing loss . " I didn 't bother to have her repeat herself because I figured Sarah would fill me in later . I probably should have been more proactive and not put so much responsibility on Sarah 's shoulders - I know she was feeling overwhelmed as well - but everything was just so difficult and this was one of the first times I was speaking in a public setting with anyone since my bilateral hearing loss . I was overcome emotion . This was not easy , and it never would be easy again . Kelly was going to give the results to Dr . Feldman who we would meet with next . We had already been at his office for over an hour and it looked like our appointment was only halfway through . We sat in the waiting room , patiently awaiting Dr . Feldman 's call . Sarah explained to me that Kelly believed that I do not have an ear infection and whatever the issue is lies much deeper because of my severe to profound hearing loss . Well , looks like I won 't be on any antibiotics anymore . A little while later , Dr . Feldman 's assistant called us in . She noticed that I was having trouble walking straight , so she held out her arm and I wrapped mine around hers . She guided me into a medical room and had me sit on a reclining chair . Sarah sat across from me . She told us that Dr . Feldman would be in shortly to see us . While we waited , Sarah and I made faces at each other , trying to make one another laugh . It worked . We 're both great at making ugly faces . Dr . Feldman entered the room . Immediately , I thought he looked so familiar but I couldn 't figure out why . He came over and shook my hand , looked me straight in the eyes , talked very slowly and said , " I am so sorry that you have to go through this . " The concern and sincerity encompassing his face was completely genuine . As he shook my hand , I realized who he looked like . Just before I lost hearing in my left ear , I watched an episode of Being Human - a television show about a ghost , a vampire , and a werewolf who live together as roommates - in which a man named Kirby from the 1970 's steps through a doorway from hell into the land of the living . Kirby intertwines himself into the relationships of the three main characters , befriending each one separately , while simultaneously pitting them against one another . Kirby turns out to be a serial killer from the past . It 's too bad that Dr . Feldman bears a striking resemblance to Kirby , because he turned out to be a really great guy . Now whenever I see him , I won 't be able to help but wonder … Dr . Feldman asked me to tell him everything that had happened to me . I went through all of the details , illness by illness , doctor by doctor . When I mentioned Santa Claus and his lack of helpfulness , Kirby - I mean , Dr . Feldman shook his head in disgust . He was legitimately dumbfounded by this knowledge . Dr . Feldman was shocked that I had not received any oral steroids for the hearing loss . He said there was severe to profound hearing loss and after reviewing my results , he called Dr . Mazen , the hearing and balance director at a nearby hospital , to consult with him . Together they decided it would be best to administer a shot of the prednisone directly into the right ear - due to the fact that it was not as severe as my left ear . He also advised that if hearing did not return to the left ear , that there was always the option of a cochlear implant . He talked for a while , most of which , of course , I couldn 't hear . I looked at Sarah for reassurance and she was remaining calm . Everything must be fine , I thought . He 's probably just telling her what we 'll do to move forward . She was nodding at everything he mentioned and going along with his suggestions . I figured I would do the same . I began to nod . Dr . Feldman left and went to get his assistant . When they returned , he came over to me and said , " We are going to administer a high dosage of prednisone directly into your right ear . We 're going to lean your chair back . " I gathered that they would be putting something in my ear . I guess I 'll find out in a moment , I thought . The chair began to recline , and in a few seconds , I was lying back . He told me to turn onto my left side . He sat behind me and placed some sort of instrument in my ear . The shot didn 't hurt , but once the liquid began dripping through my ear , it felt oddly cold and uncomfortable . I cringed and gritted my teeth at the strange sensation . When he was finished , Dr . Feldman placed his hand on my arm and gently rubbed it . What a compassionate guy ! He told me I needed to wait for about twenty minutes before I would be able to leave . As I lay there motionless , I began to tear up . Sarah stood near me so I could see hear . She held out her hand and grabbed mine . Feldman 's assistant and the receptionist . The assistant handed her some papers with multiple appointments that had to be made . Sarah stood with the receptionist for several minutes who called and made all the appointments for us - a balance test and an appointment with Dr . Mazen as well as an MRI . " Yeah . " she said , " I want to tell you something . Dr . Feldman said there is a reason you are getting an MRI . There is a chance that a tumor is causing this and they want to check for that . " She glanced over at me but I was frozen . I stared forward out the window , without making a sound . " I want you to know , though , that they just want to rule out the worst case scenario so that they can move forward . " I opened my eyes and looked at the clock : 7 : 15am . I stretched out my body and began to remove the covers . I wasn 't quite ready to get up , so I lay there , watching as Sarah was moving about the room , getting ready for work . Sarah looked at me and knew something was up . She rushed over to the bed , and got in . She lay right next to me , and looked into my eyes . " I can 't hear anything , " I cried , my face distorted as the tears let loose . " I can 't hear anything out of either ear . I can 't hear my own voice ! " I lost it . This was the scariest moment of the past two months ; quite possibly , ever . I let out what Sarah would describe as a mix between whimpering and a horrible shrieking sound . She told me it was the saddest sight she 'd ever seen . What 's going on ? God , why is this happening ? I can 't take this anymore . Will I be deaf forever ? Sarah held me tight . " What am I gonna do ? I can 't go to work . I can 't have conversations with people . What am I supposed to do ? " She kissed my forehead and probably tried to calm me down with a series of soothing words , but I can 't really be sure . I had been on some new antibiotics since my last visit with Santa . Sarah had called his office , asking about the Avelox prescription that I was on . Apparently , it was supposed to be a 10 day prescription , but I only had five pills . They sent in a new order to our local Stop and Shop pharmacy and I started taking it on the fifth of March . Well , it looks like it didn 't work . Surprise , surprise . " How about I text you , " I smiled halfheartedly . We embraced and she was off . I immediately turned on the computer and immersed myself in activities that would distract me from my current ailment . I wrote articles for thescifichristian . com ; I read a couple hundred pages in a fantasy novel by Andy Remic ; I emailed and browsed Facebook for longer than I desired . I didn 't want to think about my hearing loss . I hated that it was happening and I decided it would be better just to disregard it entirely . Yesterday , Sarah worked from home , and she called Linda to ask her about the prescription . Linda was unavailable so Sarah had to leave a message . Later in the evening , Linda finally returned Sarah 's call . She explained to Sarah that considering the fact I had been on Avelox for over 72 hours , if it was going to work , it should have already . She said that I need to get back to the ENT and having some more tests done . And so we did . It didn 't take us long , either . Dr . Feldman was just ten minutes down the road and he had fantastic reviews online . Out of curiosity , we decided to look up some reviews on Santa Claus . His were less than stellar , and we also discovered that he had a sanction placed against him for mis - prescribing and over - prescribing medication on multiple accounts . I wish we had done our research ahead of time . Sarah called Dr . Feldman 's office today . This ended up being somewhat of a miracle obtaining an appointment with him . The receptionist explained to Sarah that there were no available appointments for two weeks . She was put on hold , asked to hang on while the receptionist spoke in muffled conversation with someone else , put on hold again . Sarah was getting frustrated . It was in that moment that she thought that maybe they would find an opening . Sarah prayed , " God , please let there be an opening . " A moment later , the receptionist returned and said , " Due to the nature of your husband 's appointment ( hearing loss ) , we can fit him in on Monday . " Thank you , God ! Just three days . Please God , help me get through the weekend . " I 'm serious . I hope I don 't wake up without any hearing in my left ear , " I said half - jokingly . " That would suck . " The next morning I woke up at 6 : 30am , and rushed to the bathroom to begin a vomiting session just as I had a few short weeks ago . I still had hearing in my left ear , but the pain hadn 't subsided . I spent the majority of the morning in the bathroom , clutched to the toilet or curled up on the floor . " Max , I am your wife , " she said in a stern voice . " You need me . I can take the day off . It 's no problem . " Sarah made another appointment with Santa Claus . It was time , yet again , to visit the North Pole . This time Sarah came with me . Old Saint Nick examined my ears for a few minutes and then sent me in for the same hearing test that the nurse had done a few days ago . When it was all finished and he looked at the results , I was sitting in a chair in the waiting room with a bucket in my hand , Sarah rubbing my back . He strolled over to us , reached out and handed me a new nose spray and a 4 - day sample of Avelox . Yesterday morning , I woke up throwing up again . Sarah had a commitment at church . She was supposed to lead music for the women 's retreat and had left before I even woke up . I somehow made my way to the couch where I attempted to watch television , but the motion just enhanced the sickness ; I tried to eat but couldn 't keep anything down . By mid - morning I called Sarah in hopes that she could call the doctor for me , but I only got her voicemail . I tried again and again - no luck . Since my first plan didn 't pan out , I had to call my primary care physician : Doctor F . He was unavailable . I left a message for him to call me as soon as possible . Please God , I prayed , I need him to call . I need him to call soon . I can 't handle this anymore . The phone rang a few minutes later but I was already in tears . " Yeah . Well … I 've been sick for … the past twenty - four hours . It started with pain in my left ear . I can 't keep … anything down . " " I 'm going to prescribe you Cyclobenzaprine . This should help with the nausea . If it doesn 't work , you 'll need to go to the ER , " he said with urgency . " Bye . " I hung up the phone and stumbled to the bathroom , the dizziness rushing to my head , trying to drag me back down - the conversation on the phone was just too much . When I finally made my way back to the couch , I texted Sarah to let her know that there would be a prescription waiting for me at Stop and Shop that she could pick it up on her way back . When Sarah returned in the early afternoon , I looked like a mess . My face was as pale as Casper , my hair was disheveled , and my clothes smelled like something awful . Sarah helped me put on new clothes and gave me the medication . It didn 't really do the trick at first , but that evening I stopped throwing up . By this afternoon , I 'm feeling much better ; however , I 'm still very dizzy and my ears are still bothering me . I 've been sick and Sarah has been so busy taking care of me , that we haven 't been able to go grocery shopping or clean our apartment in weeks . Thankfully , my mother - in - law is at our apartment now helping Sarah out with those duties and relieving some of the stress for her . Sarah and I weren 't going to do anything too spectacular for Valentine 's Day . We had just gotten back from a long weekend away with the youth group from our church and we were tired . We decided it would be best to just go out for a nice dinner - Thai food , perhaps ? This was the plan anyway ; the plan changed . I woke up at two a . m . , feeling nauseous . I quickly got out of bed and fumbled through the darkness of our bedroom . I swung open our bedroom door without hesitation or fear of waking Sarah , held out my hands towards the walls to steady myself in the gloom of the apartment . I found the bathroom , and just in time . Thus began what could quite possibly be the worst day of my life . Sarah pulled me in close and rubbed my back . I tried to close my eyes , to forget about how I was feeling and fall back asleep . It didn 't work . Twenty minutes later I found myself in the bathroom again . I vomited three times within a matter of 30 minutes while in the bathroom . I was sure this was not the end . I tried to stand and make my way back to my bedroom , but I couldn 't even make it through the bathroom door . I grabbed my towel off the rack , held onto the sink for support and knelt down . I folded my towel into a pillow and placed it down . I lay down on the cold , tiled floor , curled myself up into a ball , and fell asleep . Around seven a . m . , Sarah woke up and found me in the bathroom . She asked me if I wanted to move to the bed or the couch . I 'm fairly certain that I mumbled and groaned through a slur of incoherent babble and remained in the bathroom for a while longer . Sarah called her boss and took the day off from work - thank God . By four pm , I had disgorged myself 14 times , and was unable to eat anything - save a spoonful or two of Gatorade - even that I couldn 't really keep down . Sarah called our primary care provider and was able to get an appointment at 4 : 30 with a Physician 's Assistant . The drive to the doctor 's office - a half an hour away - was grueling . I pushed the car seat back and tried to rest as Sarah drove . When we arrived , Sarah helped me out of the car and led me inside , to which I went straight to the bathroom and threw up for the 15th and final time that day . Time to see the doctor ! This month has been so aggravating . I woke up one day in the beginning of January with what I thought to be Conjunctivitis . Pink Eye , I thought . I 've never had this before . What the heck ? Gross . I had severe pain in my left eye - which would not stop tearing - I could barely look at the light , with a little extra morning gunk protruding out of the corner . My eye was extremely red . I called in sick to work and went to my primary care physician immediately . I had never had pink eye before so I didn 't know what to expect . In fact , my wife , Sarah has had it multiple times , and I never once caught it from her , so this all seemed odd to me . Based on my description of the symptoms I was experiencing , my doctor believed it to be Conjunctivitis as well . She prescribed me eye drops and I was on my way . Unfortunately , the eye drops didn 't work . I spent a couple of nights in much pain , sprawled out on the couch , with uncontrollable streams flowing from my eyes . It was unbearable . I was pretty sure that the doctor was wrong about my condition . I ended up seeing her two more times - in the meantime , my right eye began to have issues as well - until she finally decided to refer me to an ophthalmologist . After taking a closer look at my eyes , the ophthalmologist believed me to have Uveitis . He prescribed Prednisone eye drops , which he alleged would bring down the inflammation . I began using the eye drops right away . At first , I noticed slight relief , but not enough to feel comfortable . I decided it would be a good idea to wear an eye patch on my left eye anytime there was a light on , or when outside . This included at work - I work as a teacher 's aide at the daycare at Eastern Connecticut State University - so the kids all decided to call me " The Pirate " upon seeing me and ran like mad . I spent most of the month like this : wearing an eye patch to work ; taking Prednisone whenever my eyes felt like they would burn out of my skull ( which was pretty often ) . Finally , by the end of the month , things are beginning to taper off . The pain isn 't as bad , although it does flare up every once in a while . This blog is dedicated to revealing what it is like to live with an autoimmune disease . Since being diagnosed with Cogan 's Syndrome in early April of 2012 , but having symptoms dating back to early January , I have undergone some serious life changes . This journey - albeit only four months thus far - has not been easy . I 've lost hearing in both of my ears ; have had non - stop vertigo ; been overly tired ; experienced extreme nausea ; stopped working due to the vertigo and hearing loss ; lost confidence in myself , especially when it comes to engaging in conversation . The list goes on ; however , it has not all been so miserable . The posts will begin where my health issues first started - in the beginning of January , 2012 . I will date each post as if it is the actual day I am speaking about . The blog will mainly be in the style of a journal . I hope this format will be informative for those of you who don 't know anything about Cogan 's Syndrome as well as for those of you who do . I will be very open about the affects the disease has had on me physically , emotionally , and spiritually . |
Our road to discovery began as Dr . Russo 's assistant guided us into the exam room and we were seated . He was an older fellow - very friendly , but not too computer savvy - who was searching the keyboard for the correct letters before typing at an excruciatingly slow pace with only two fingers . Sarah and I smiled at each other , holding back our laughter . About fifteen minutes later , when he had finished asking us questions and entering the responses into a medical document , he performed a slit lamp examination on my eyes . When he was finished , he had me tilt my head back and released two different drops into my eyes . " Dr . Russo may want to test you , " he said . " The eye drops will take a few minutes to kick in , and then he 'll be in to see you . It was nice to meet you . " He shook my hand and then Sarah 's and walked out the door . We waited for about twenty minutes , making silly faces at each other - what seems to have become a ritual at my appointments - until Dr . Russo glided in . I need to paint a picture of this man before moving on because that is exactly what it was like : a picture - Dr . Russo looked like a caricature . In walks this tall , thin man in his late thirties , holding a manila folder . He was wearing an open laboratory coat and underneath , he donned a white button - up shirt with a maroon vest . To top it off , he wore a large , maroon bowtie . He walked towards me with a perpetual smile - that lasted the entire appointment - staring straight into my eyes , arm extended , perfectly straight . As he turned to place the folder on a table , I waved Sarah down , pointed to my neck and mouthed , " bowties are cool . " She nodded in excitement , immediately understanding the reference to one of our favorite television shows , Doctor Who . There was a glimmer in her eye , and I wondered if she was thinking the same thing I was : If " The Doctor " were real , this guy would be totally believable as one of his incarnations ! " I woke up sick on Valentine 's Day and within a week I was beginning to lose hearing in my right ear , " I said . " My doctor couldn 't figure it out , she thought it was probably an ear infection but referred me to an ENT , who thought the same thing . About two weeks later , I woke up sick again and began to lose hearing in my left ear . " He had me lean forward and used the same slit lamp machine that his assistant had used ; only this time he turned on the most unnatural bright lights and shined them in my eyes . It was almost unbearable as my eyes began to water and ache . When he was finished , Dr . Russo pushed the machine away , leaned back in his chair , pointed at me and said , " You have Cogan 's Syndrome . " He paused , giving me a moment to ask him a question . So I did . " You have Cogan 's Syndrome , " he said , this time spelling it out for me . I still didn 't understand , but I knew that I had finally been diagnosed . As he continued , he spoke in short , choppy sentences with pauses in between each one - not enough of a pause , however , for me to speak . " It 's an autoimmune disease . Very rare . It affects your eyes ; your hearing ; your balance , " he swayed back and forth in demonstration . " You 'll need to do a Remicade treatment here at the hospital . Once a month . For two years . It 's a long process . You 'll start with a pre - treatment this week : you 'll need to go across the street where the infusions take place . You 'll start with a steroid directly injected into your bloodstream for three consecutive days . I 'm also going to put you on Methotrexate . You 'll take it once a week . I 'm going to prescribe you more Prednisone . You 'll take it daily , " he continued on with his fragmented speech through a plastered on smile but I lost track somewhere at the beginning . His assistant gave Sarah the written copy explaining everything I had missed . Sarah spoke and motioned to the paper , asking questions until she seemed satisfied she had a grasp on the correct course of action . The first two items on the list were to get an X - Ray of my chest and have blood work done right away . It was unlikely , but I gathered from the discussion that there was a chance that this disease could impact my heart . My blood would now need to be tested every two weeks as Methotrexate can affect the liver . Phew . We spent twenty minutes in Dr . Russo 's third assistant 's office after that . Trudy 's presence is infectiously enthusiastic ; one can 't help but feel a little bit happier when one is sharing a room with her . She spoke with Sarah for several minutes , got on the phone and made appointments for us , faxed documents to our primary care doctor , and printed out information we would need . We took the elevator to another floor to get my chest x - ray and blood work done . We decided it was better to do it then than to wait until later . In the waiting room , Sarah got my attention and started to delineate the gist of all that had happened in Dr . Russo 's office . " I know ! " We couldn 't help but try and mimic the expression : moving our lips ever so slightly with the rest of our faces completely statuesque . We have done this many times since . Sarah relayed the explanation in its entirety , speaking slowly and annunciating her words so that I could comprehend what she was saying . She told me that Dr . Russo had indicated I should be getting at least some of my hearing back with the treatment . She went on to express her conversation with Trudy . " Trudy is amazing . I 'm sure you saw that she handled her interaction with us like we were her first and only priority . She also explained where you will be going to get your treatments , " she hesitated to make sure I was following her . " You are going to the cancer center to get your infusions . She explained that you would be in a room with patients receiving chemotherapy and that she didn 't want us to get there and be shocked by it all . " " Yeah . You are getting the steroid injections on Wednesday , Thursday and Friday , and then you will start Remicade on Monday . They moved some things around to make sure you could get in as soon as possible . " " Busy week . How are you going to be able to fit this in with your work schedule ? " At this point , I hadn 't driven in about three weeks due to my vertigo . " Really good , " I said . " We finally know what I have and that it 's treatable . It 's a bummer that it 's going to be such a long recovery process , but I am thankful that I 've finally been diagnosed . " " Yeah , and Dr . Russo seems really good . He immediately knew just by looking at your eyes and hearing your story . It was amazing , " she said . When I lost hearing in my right ear I was shocked , but I thought things were bound to get better . A short period later , I lost hearing in my left ear - fear and confusion stepped in , replacing any semblance of understanding and hope for a speedy recovery . I was unsure of what was going on , but I didn 't have time to think of all of the important or even minute facets of my life that I would truly begin to miss . In the midst of appointments , tests and , admittedly , my own decision to hide my feelings behind books and countless hours of reading , my mind was clouded . The one thing that I know I miss the most is music . " What are you singing ? " I asked . I hadn 't even realized that she had turned the radio on . All I was able to see were her moving lips . I figured it out ; but that didn 't make it any better . I stared out the passenger side window , watching the trees and the buildings pass by . In that moment , I realized that if I ever did hear music again , it would not be the same . Most of the time I like to do my writing in our living room , sitting on the couch with the laptop comfortably rested on my crossed legs . I used to listen to music while writing . I found it put me in a certain mood , depending on the artist I would play at the time - whether it was the soothing , melodic style of Greg Laswell , or the eclectic , indie - pop sounds of The Shins - music acted as a catalyst for how the words would flow . I can 't do that anymore . I write , and I enjoy myself , but I 'm missing a huge a part of what made writing fun for me . I would turn on The Naked and Famous radio station on Pandora , allowing the fun dance music with its heavy base and electronic rhythms to amplify throughout our apartment while I cleaned . I would dust and sweep , wash dishes and put clothes away , all the while dancing around like a maniac . Sometimes - if the right song came on - I would pop and lock ( especially when Sarah wasn 't watching ) and attempt to breakdance . Vertigo prevents me from doing any of this , while hearing loss limits me to clean in silence . This past weekend , March 17th - 18th , we visited my parents in New Paltz . This had been the first time we had seen them since I thought I had an ear infection . When we went to church on Sunday , I was thrilled that my hearing in my right ear had improved a bit , and I was able to listen to the sermon through a headset ; however , the music was painful . For a moment , I listened to the band play , my dad on lead guitar , and all I heard was loud , piercing noise . I plugged my ears . I miss hearing all of my favorite artists . Many albums have been released since I grew ill that I will never be able to fully grasp . The worst part of not being able to listen to music is that I can 't hear Sarah 's beautiful voice . Sometimes I can hear her sing , but when I do , it doesn 't sound like her . She sounds robotic and high - pitched . What once was a blessing for me is now an agonizing experience because I don 't believe she will ever sound the same to me again . My life is now a melody of silence and unfamiliar noise . If loud enough , what was once smooth and beautiful is now a screeching , piercing reality . Music is a part of my past . It 's not as though I thought I was invincible growing up - that I could don a cape and tights , fight crime and never get hurt . In fact , I got hurt quite a bit . I 've had numerous broken bones and other injuries that helped me to understand my own mortality ; however , I never expected to have a serious health issue that would render me debilitated - at least , I didn 't think that anything could happen to me at such a young age . Even after experiencing the death of a friend in high school and then a close friend two years later , the idea that anything serious could ever happen to me was pushed to the far reaches of my mind . I 'm sure that whatever is going on inside of me is not fatal , but it doesn 't change the fact that it 's hard to deal with . I 'm not having an easy time coping with this . I tell everyone all of the time that God is good and He is getting me through this - and I know that that is true - but I don 't feel it every day . And then there 's Sarah . She 's been amazing throughout the entirety of my It 's no fun having to see a doctor practically every day . It 's no fun being the subject of test after test . None of it is fun . This is my new life , though . Today was no different . My first appointment was an MRI . I had never had one before , but I had imagined what it would be like based on what I have seen in movies and television . I was right for the most part , although I didn 't realize that it would be so loud . I guess the good thing about not being able to hear anything is that it wasn 't too loud for me - granted , I had head phones on to block out most of the noise , so who really knows ? As I lay back , and the bed began to move deep into the cylindrical machine , I thought about what the lady issuing the test had said to me , " Remain as still as possible . This will take about 45 minutes , " and my mind shifted all over the place . How the heck am I supposed to not move for 45 minutes ? Maybe I 'll fall asleep . What if I have to go to the bathroom - I did drink a lot of water before . What if I have to scratch my nose , or my leg ? I won 't be able to reach my leg , anyway . I wonder if whatever machine she is looking at to process my results , has the capability to read my thoughts ? Can she read my thoughts ? Don 't think . Don 't think . Don 't think of anything stupid . Shut up , Max . Go to sleep . When the bed began to move out , I woke up . Thank you , God , that that is over . Wait , what if she read my thoughts while I was asleep ? I met Sarah in the hallway and she hooked arms with me , helping me outside . " It was fine , " I said . " I fell asleep through most of it . She had me wear a set of headphones to block out the noise of the machine . " I sat still , waiting for the right words to say . She is so strong , I thought . I don 't know if I could do any of this without her . We met with Dr . Mazen after a series of hearing tests with his audiologist . He is a thin , bald man in his forties with bushy eyebrows . He shook my hand and then Sarah 's and like the plethora of doctors that I had seen already , he had me explain what happened . " Wow , I 'm sorry you have to go through this , " he said . " I 'm going to try something . I 'm going to place my hands on either side of your head and I 'm going to twist it from side to side . I want you to try and focus on my nose with your eyes . " " I 'm sorry . " I shook my head , not understanding what he said and still dizzy from my head being passed about between two hands like a basketball . He repeated himself . " Good . Well , I have to tell you . Your balance will never be the same again , " he said . " I want you to do some physical therapy . It will really help you learn to adjust to your balance issue . You 'll learn to refocus and you 'll get used to walking around on your own again without any help . " " I also want you to set up an appointment with Dr . Russo . He 's an eye disease specialist , and there is a chance he will be able to diagnose you . He 'll probably want to have you get some blood work done as well . " I paused . " Good , I guess . I mean , it was a small step forward , and that 's good I suppose . I just wish were easier . We didn 't really learn anything new today . Just more uncertainty . " That is exactly what Sarah did . She may have also bought a shirt or two as well , but I couldn 't blame her . She had been through a lot these past couple of months and deserved something special . Besides , it didn 't hurt that the shirt looked really good on her . I met solely with Kelly today who administered various tests to determine the severity of my balance issues as well as some more hearing tests . She and her assistant guided me slowly - taking into account my dizziness - into an examination room . They sat me in a chair and Kelly spoke . The tests took about an hour altogether . First they had me stare at a thin screen about four feet long that hung on the wall . A red dot appeared and bounced from spot to spot on the screen ; or sometimes it slid across the screen in slow motion ; or sometimes at a rapid pace . I was supposed to follow the dot with my eyes only , keeping my head completely still . This part wasn 't too bad , but I could tell that my eyes were all over the place . I was unable to focus on the moving object . For the next examination , they made the chair recline all the way back so that it was as flat as a bed , though I was still sitting up . They held onto me and then in one swift movement , pulled the upper half of my body all the way back and turned my head to the left so that it was now touching the pillow they had placed at the head of the bead . When my head hit the pillow , I was supposed to stare at a specific spot on the wall . Kelly and Brad repeated this test a few times until it was time to turn my head to the right side . The final balance test consisted of me laying down with my body to the right and then to the left . At opposite times they blew warm or cold air into both of my ears and had me go through the alphabet using girl names , or boy names , or cities and states . This , surprisingly , was the most difficult test . By the end of it I was hardly able to stand . It took me a few minutes and two cups of water to regain some focus and move on to the hearing tests - which were the same ones that had been administered a couple of days ago . Sarah picked me up a couple of hours after she had dropped me off and we got some lunch . While eating a delicious burrito , my brother , Gideon , called . This was actually the first time I had spoken with him since all of my problems began . He wanted to see how I was doing and how Sarah was doing . He asked about my tests and that we keep him updated . Gideon told me that he admires how well I have been handling everything and that he is really proud of me . Hearing that - from my older brother - made my day . It truly was great to hear from him , and to know that he and his wife are thinking about me . Tonight , Sarah 's sisters , Kim and Christin , along with their husbands , Lukas and Matt , came over and helped Sarah clean the apartment . With my incapacitated state and all that Sarah has had to do as of late , our apartment hadn 't been fully cleaned in months . The girls cleaned our bedroom - which was the biggest disaster of all - while the guys cleaned the kitchen , the living room and the guest room . What a kindness it was to have them give up their time and selflessly invest themselves in our well - being ! God has been so good through all of this . Sarah and I have been trusting that He has a plan for us , even though it has been hard at times not knowing what the future might bring . But we keep being reminded that He is in control . Blessings flow from His hands . On March 12th , the day we got back from our first meeting with Dr . Feldman , there was a letter in the mail addressed to " Max and Sarah Pfeffer . " It was from by oldest brother Casey and his wife , Sarah ( I know , two Sarah Pfeffers - who would have guessed ? ) . When we got upstairs , I forgot about it initially and went to the couch to begin reading . Sarah walked over to me several minutes later with wet eyes . She grabbed the book out of my hand , placed it gently on the coffee table and replaced it with the letter . I looked at her knowing face and sensed that there was something powerful at work . The letter was a full page and was in Casey 's handwriting . Casey and I haven 't always done the best at staying in touch since he moved to California about six years ago . Seeing the effort he put into this despite of his busy schedule was a gift in and of itself . The letter described how much they are praying for us and love us . They told us about the financial struggles they had had in the past , but how God has been providing for them lately and they 've been doing really well . They felt the need to give back and had been praying for a long time about to what or whom they should give . It was tenderly expressed that there was no doubt in their minds that the money belonged to us . I finished reading the letter and looked at the check . My eyes widened and tears immediately fell . Not only did we not ask or expect anything at all , but it was an extremely generous gift . Sarah and I held each other - my arms around her back , her chin on my shoulder ; we wouldn 't let go . We remained as one , thanking God for his provisions . I haven 't been to work in weeks , and I have no idea when I will be able to return , but this will surely help for a little while . Quite a bit happened today at my appointment with Dr . Feldman . Was there any resolution ? Not completely , but we are finally moving forward and we 've actually found a doctor we trust ! Sarah held my hand as she led me into Dr . Feldman 's office . I sat down in the waiting room as she let the receptionist know that we had arrived . She sat down next to me and helped me fill out all of the paperwork . Sarah nudged me because I couldn 't hear . We both stood up and walked over to the woman . She shook my hand and looked directly at me . I couldn 't hear a word she said , and I wasn 't able to read her lips , but I figured she wanted me to follow her as she started walking away , so I did . Sarah and I entered a small room with another sound proof room - enclosed by a glass door and windows - inside . Sarah sat down in an empty chair and Kelly motioned for me to enter the sound proof room . There was a chair inside that she had me sit in . She leaned forward and said , " I 'm going to do a series of tests to see where your hearing is at . For the first test , I 'm going to place these colored tubes in your ears . You don 't need to do anything , but you may hear some loud noises . " " Okay , " I said , still not really positive of all that she said . I watched as she placed two different colored stoppers on the ends of two long wires . Uh oh , the same test that Santa did . I hope this actually helps . Kelly placed them in my ears and left the room , closing the door behind her . She sat down at a desk on the other side of the window and began the test . I could hear various sounds in my right ear - fairly quiet , but noticeable . I couldn 't hear a thing in my left ear . I looked through the glass door at Sarah who was looking at me and smiling . I pulled my upper lip up over my top set of teeth so that I looked like a gopher . Her smile widened . Kelly got up from the desk and came back in the room . She removed the wires and put them away . She then pulled a set of head phones off of a hook and placed them on my head , only not like regular headphones . One side went behind my left ear , at the back of my head , and the other side in front of my right ear , in the front of my head . Then she handed me something that looked like a joystick with a large button on top . She left the room and closed the door . I began hearing faint beeps in my right ear just a moment after she sat down . A few minutes later she returned and switched the headset . I spent a few minutes in the room , listening as carefully as possible for any beeps , but I heard nothing . " One more test . " I raised one finger as a way of asking " one ? " and furrowed my brow in response . " Yes . I 'm going to read some words to you . I want you to repeat them back to me . " She placed a different set of headphones on me and went to her desk . She placed a paper over her mouth so I couldn 't read her lips and began to speak . I was able to repeat back to her roughly half of what she was saying . My face was getting hot as the frustration grew . Come on , Max , you can do this . But I couldn 't . Half of what she said sounded like muffled sound . She knelt down and showed us the sheet with my hearing test results on it . She began to speak and point to diagrams and numbers but I couldn 't catch everything she was saying or what it all meant . I was able to catch certain phrases like " really bad " , and " way below normal " , and " severe hearing loss . " I didn 't bother to have her repeat herself because I figured Sarah would fill me in later . I probably should have been more proactive and not put so much responsibility on Sarah 's shoulders - I know she was feeling overwhelmed as well - but everything was just so difficult and this was one of the first times I was speaking in a public setting with anyone since my bilateral hearing loss . I was overcome emotion . This was not easy , and it never would be easy again . Kelly was going to give the results to Dr . Feldman who we would meet with next . We had already been at his office for over an hour and it looked like our appointment was only halfway through . We sat in the waiting room , patiently awaiting Dr . Feldman 's call . Sarah explained to me that Kelly believed that I do not have an ear infection and whatever the issue is lies much deeper because of my severe to profound hearing loss . Well , looks like I won 't be on any antibiotics anymore . A little while later , Dr . Feldman 's assistant called us in . She noticed that I was having trouble walking straight , so she held out her arm and I wrapped mine around hers . She guided me into a medical room and had me sit on a reclining chair . Sarah sat across from me . She told us that Dr . Feldman would be in shortly to see us . While we waited , Sarah and I made faces at each other , trying to make one another laugh . It worked . We 're both great at making ugly faces . Dr . Feldman entered the room . Immediately , I thought he looked so familiar but I couldn 't figure out why . He came over and shook my hand , looked me straight in the eyes , talked very slowly and said , " I am so sorry that you have to go through this . " The concern and sincerity encompassing his face was completely genuine . As he shook my hand , I realized who he looked like . Just before I lost hearing in my left ear , I watched an episode of Being Human - a television show about a ghost , a vampire , and a werewolf who live together as roommates - in which a man named Kirby from the 1970 's steps through a doorway from hell into the land of the living . Kirby intertwines himself into the relationships of the three main characters , befriending each one separately , while simultaneously pitting them against one another . Kirby turns out to be a serial killer from the past . It 's too bad that Dr . Feldman bears a striking resemblance to Kirby , because he turned out to be a really great guy . Now whenever I see him , I won 't be able to help but wonder … Dr . Feldman asked me to tell him everything that had happened to me . I went through all of the details , illness by illness , doctor by doctor . When I mentioned Santa Claus and his lack of helpfulness , Kirby - I mean , Dr . Feldman shook his head in disgust . He was legitimately dumbfounded by this knowledge . Dr . Feldman was shocked that I had not received any oral steroids for the hearing loss . He said there was severe to profound hearing loss and after reviewing my results , he called Dr . Mazen , the hearing and balance director at a nearby hospital , to consult with him . Together they decided it would be best to administer a shot of the prednisone directly into the right ear - due to the fact that it was not as severe as my left ear . He also advised that if hearing did not return to the left ear , that there was always the option of a cochlear implant . He talked for a while , most of which , of course , I couldn 't hear . I looked at Sarah for reassurance and she was remaining calm . Everything must be fine , I thought . He 's probably just telling her what we 'll do to move forward . She was nodding at everything he mentioned and going along with his suggestions . I figured I would do the same . I began to nod . Dr . Feldman left and went to get his assistant . When they returned , he came over to me and said , " We are going to administer a high dosage of prednisone directly into your right ear . We 're going to lean your chair back . " I gathered that they would be putting something in my ear . I guess I 'll find out in a moment , I thought . The chair began to recline , and in a few seconds , I was lying back . He told me to turn onto my left side . He sat behind me and placed some sort of instrument in my ear . The shot didn 't hurt , but once the liquid began dripping through my ear , it felt oddly cold and uncomfortable . I cringed and gritted my teeth at the strange sensation . When he was finished , Dr . Feldman placed his hand on my arm and gently rubbed it . What a compassionate guy ! He told me I needed to wait for about twenty minutes before I would be able to leave . As I lay there motionless , I began to tear up . Sarah stood near me so I could see hear . She held out her hand and grabbed mine . Feldman 's assistant and the receptionist . The assistant handed her some papers with multiple appointments that had to be made . Sarah stood with the receptionist for several minutes who called and made all the appointments for us - a balance test and an appointment with Dr . Mazen as well as an MRI . " Yeah . " she said , " I want to tell you something . Dr . Feldman said there is a reason you are getting an MRI . There is a chance that a tumor is causing this and they want to check for that . " She glanced over at me but I was frozen . I stared forward out the window , without making a sound . " I want you to know , though , that they just want to rule out the worst case scenario so that they can move forward . " I opened my eyes and looked at the clock : 7 : 15am . I stretched out my body and began to remove the covers . I wasn 't quite ready to get up , so I lay there , watching as Sarah was moving about the room , getting ready for work . Sarah looked at me and knew something was up . She rushed over to the bed , and got in . She lay right next to me , and looked into my eyes . " I can 't hear anything , " I cried , my face distorted as the tears let loose . " I can 't hear anything out of either ear . I can 't hear my own voice ! " I lost it . This was the scariest moment of the past two months ; quite possibly , ever . I let out what Sarah would describe as a mix between whimpering and a horrible shrieking sound . She told me it was the saddest sight she 'd ever seen . What 's going on ? God , why is this happening ? I can 't take this anymore . Will I be deaf forever ? Sarah held me tight . " What am I gonna do ? I can 't go to work . I can 't have conversations with people . What am I supposed to do ? " She kissed my forehead and probably tried to calm me down with a series of soothing words , but I can 't really be sure . I had been on some new antibiotics since my last visit with Santa . Sarah had called his office , asking about the Avelox prescription that I was on . Apparently , it was supposed to be a 10 day prescription , but I only had five pills . They sent in a new order to our local Stop and Shop pharmacy and I started taking it on the fifth of March . Well , it looks like it didn 't work . Surprise , surprise . " How about I text you , " I smiled halfheartedly . We embraced and she was off . I immediately turned on the computer and immersed myself in activities that would distract me from my current ailment . I wrote articles for thescifichristian . com ; I read a couple hundred pages in a fantasy novel by Andy Remic ; I emailed and browsed Facebook for longer than I desired . I didn 't want to think about my hearing loss . I hated that it was happening and I decided it would be better just to disregard it entirely . Yesterday , Sarah worked from home , and she called Linda to ask her about the prescription . Linda was unavailable so Sarah had to leave a message . Later in the evening , Linda finally returned Sarah 's call . She explained to Sarah that considering the fact I had been on Avelox for over 72 hours , if it was going to work , it should have already . She said that I need to get back to the ENT and having some more tests done . And so we did . It didn 't take us long , either . Dr . Feldman was just ten minutes down the road and he had fantastic reviews online . Out of curiosity , we decided to look up some reviews on Santa Claus . His were less than stellar , and we also discovered that he had a sanction placed against him for mis - prescribing and over - prescribing medication on multiple accounts . I wish we had done our research ahead of time . Sarah called Dr . Feldman 's office today . This ended up being somewhat of a miracle obtaining an appointment with him . The receptionist explained to Sarah that there were no available appointments for two weeks . She was put on hold , asked to hang on while the receptionist spoke in muffled conversation with someone else , put on hold again . Sarah was getting frustrated . It was in that moment that she thought that maybe they would find an opening . Sarah prayed , " God , please let there be an opening . " A moment later , the receptionist returned and said , " Due to the nature of your husband 's appointment ( hearing loss ) , we can fit him in on Monday . " Thank you , God ! Just three days . Please God , help me get through the weekend . " I 'm serious . I hope I don 't wake up without any hearing in my left ear , " I said half - jokingly . " That would suck . " The next morning I woke up at 6 : 30am , and rushed to the bathroom to begin a vomiting session just as I had a few short weeks ago . I still had hearing in my left ear , but the pain hadn 't subsided . I spent the majority of the morning in the bathroom , clutched to the toilet or curled up on the floor . " Max , I am your wife , " she said in a stern voice . " You need me . I can take the day off . It 's no problem . " Sarah made another appointment with Santa Claus . It was time , yet again , to visit the North Pole . This time Sarah came with me . Old Saint Nick examined my ears for a few minutes and then sent me in for the same hearing test that the nurse had done a few days ago . When it was all finished and he looked at the results , I was sitting in a chair in the waiting room with a bucket in my hand , Sarah rubbing my back . He strolled over to us , reached out and handed me a new nose spray and a 4 - day sample of Avelox . Yesterday morning , I woke up throwing up again . Sarah had a commitment at church . She was supposed to lead music for the women 's retreat and had left before I even woke up . I somehow made my way to the couch where I attempted to watch television , but the motion just enhanced the sickness ; I tried to eat but couldn 't keep anything down . By mid - morning I called Sarah in hopes that she could call the doctor for me , but I only got her voicemail . I tried again and again - no luck . Since my first plan didn 't pan out , I had to call my primary care physician : Doctor F . He was unavailable . I left a message for him to call me as soon as possible . Please God , I prayed , I need him to call . I need him to call soon . I can 't handle this anymore . The phone rang a few minutes later but I was already in tears . " Yeah . Well … I 've been sick for … the past twenty - four hours . It started with pain in my left ear . I can 't keep … anything down . " " I 'm going to prescribe you Cyclobenzaprine . This should help with the nausea . If it doesn 't work , you 'll need to go to the ER , " he said with urgency . " Bye . " I hung up the phone and stumbled to the bathroom , the dizziness rushing to my head , trying to drag me back down - the conversation on the phone was just too much . When I finally made my way back to the couch , I texted Sarah to let her know that there would be a prescription waiting for me at Stop and Shop that she could pick it up on her way back . When Sarah returned in the early afternoon , I looked like a mess . My face was as pale as Casper , my hair was disheveled , and my clothes smelled like something awful . Sarah helped me put on new clothes and gave me the medication . It didn 't really do the trick at first , but that evening I stopped throwing up . By this afternoon , I 'm feeling much better ; however , I 'm still very dizzy and my ears are still bothering me . I 've been sick and Sarah has been so busy taking care of me , that we haven 't been able to go grocery shopping or clean our apartment in weeks . Thankfully , my mother - in - law is at our apartment now helping Sarah out with those duties and relieving some of the stress for her . Sarah and I weren 't going to do anything too spectacular for Valentine 's Day . We had just gotten back from a long weekend away with the youth group from our church and we were tired . We decided it would be best to just go out for a nice dinner - Thai food , perhaps ? This was the plan anyway ; the plan changed . I woke up at two a . m . , feeling nauseous . I quickly got out of bed and fumbled through the darkness of our bedroom . I swung open our bedroom door without hesitation or fear of waking Sarah , held out my hands towards the walls to steady myself in the gloom of the apartment . I found the bathroom , and just in time . Thus began what could quite possibly be the worst day of my life . Sarah pulled me in close and rubbed my back . I tried to close my eyes , to forget about how I was feeling and fall back asleep . It didn 't work . Twenty minutes later I found myself in the bathroom again . I vomited three times within a matter of 30 minutes while in the bathroom . I was sure this was not the end . I tried to stand and make my way back to my bedroom , but I couldn 't even make it through the bathroom door . I grabbed my towel off the rack , held onto the sink for support and knelt down . I folded my towel into a pillow and placed it down . I lay down on the cold , tiled floor , curled myself up into a ball , and fell asleep . Around seven a . m . , Sarah woke up and found me in the bathroom . She asked me if I wanted to move to the bed or the couch . I 'm fairly certain that I mumbled and groaned through a slur of incoherent babble and remained in the bathroom for a while longer . Sarah called her boss and took the day off from work - thank God . By four pm , I had disgorged myself 14 times , and was unable to eat anything - save a spoonful or two of Gatorade - even that I couldn 't really keep down . Sarah called our primary care provider and was able to get an appointment at 4 : 30 with a Physician 's Assistant . The drive to the doctor 's office - a half an hour away - was grueling . I pushed the car seat back and tried to rest as Sarah drove . When we arrived , Sarah helped me out of the car and led me inside , to which I went straight to the bathroom and threw up for the 15th and final time that day . Time to see the doctor ! This month has been so aggravating . I woke up one day in the beginning of January with what I thought to be Conjunctivitis . Pink Eye , I thought . I 've never had this before . What the heck ? Gross . I had severe pain in my left eye - which would not stop tearing - I could barely look at the light , with a little extra morning gunk protruding out of the corner . My eye was extremely red . I called in sick to work and went to my primary care physician immediately . I had never had pink eye before so I didn 't know what to expect . In fact , my wife , Sarah has had it multiple times , and I never once caught it from her , so this all seemed odd to me . Based on my description of the symptoms I was experiencing , my doctor believed it to be Conjunctivitis as well . She prescribed me eye drops and I was on my way . Unfortunately , the eye drops didn 't work . I spent a couple of nights in much pain , sprawled out on the couch , with uncontrollable streams flowing from my eyes . It was unbearable . I was pretty sure that the doctor was wrong about my condition . I ended up seeing her two more times - in the meantime , my right eye began to have issues as well - until she finally decided to refer me to an ophthalmologist . After taking a closer look at my eyes , the ophthalmologist believed me to have Uveitis . He prescribed Prednisone eye drops , which he alleged would bring down the inflammation . I began using the eye drops right away . At first , I noticed slight relief , but not enough to feel comfortable . I decided it would be a good idea to wear an eye patch on my left eye anytime there was a light on , or when outside . This included at work - I work as a teacher 's aide at the daycare at Eastern Connecticut State University - so the kids all decided to call me " The Pirate " upon seeing me and ran like mad . I spent most of the month like this : wearing an eye patch to work ; taking Prednisone whenever my eyes felt like they would burn out of my skull ( which was pretty often ) . Finally , by the end of the month , things are beginning to taper off . The pain isn 't as bad , although it does flare up every once in a while . This blog is dedicated to revealing what it is like to live with an autoimmune disease . Since being diagnosed with Cogan 's Syndrome in early April of 2012 , but having symptoms dating back to early January , I have undergone some serious life changes . This journey - albeit only four months thus far - has not been easy . I 've lost hearing in both of my ears ; have had non - stop vertigo ; been overly tired ; experienced extreme nausea ; stopped working due to the vertigo and hearing loss ; lost confidence in myself , especially when it comes to engaging in conversation . The list goes on ; however , it has not all been so miserable . The posts will begin where my health issues first started - in the beginning of January , 2012 . I will date each post as if it is the actual day I am speaking about . The blog will mainly be in the style of a journal . I hope this format will be informative for those of you who don 't know anything about Cogan 's Syndrome as well as for those of you who do . I will be very open about the affects the disease has had on me physically , emotionally , and spiritually . |
It 's early in the morning , and cool . A wonderful break from the hot and humid weather we 've been having . People bring their dogs into the store , and I 'm really enjoying petting a dog again . It almost makes me wish . . . Nah . No . Huh - uh . Tim got his new car inspected . He drove me down so that we could pick up the car . I got home and in the driveway . " Tim ? " I asked . " Do you smell brakes burning ? " I thought it was me . He says he thinks it 's the new car . The fun never ends , people . Really . Other than that , not a lot to report . The grandbaby 's heartbeat is posted on line . It is an amazing moment , the first time you hear that , and I remember vividly , hearing the heartbeats of my own three for the first time . Where have the years gone ? Folding laundry , and I came up with an amazing thought : all of those ' economic indicators ' . We can do away with them . What do people do when the times are hard ? They put off buying underwear . Nobody sees them but the person you love , and they love you even if your underwear is shot . So you save those pennies . And then life gets easier , you have money rolling in again , and what 's the first thing you do once you decide that you 're on solid footing again ? You buy a package of Hanes . You walk around in new and comfortable underwear and you feel like a million bucks . So I say that all our government has to do is take a look at underwear stock . Are women buying underwear again ? Then our economy is on the upswing . ( Note : you can not use Victoria 's Secret as an indicator . There are too many men who buy the stuff in bulk because they 've seen Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Anniston looking good in stuff like that . It 's got to be the practical cotton panties that practical working women buy for themselves . ) That 's it really . Gotta get ready for work . Things got nuts for a while , and between the stress of a five week Anatomy and Physiology course and the job where I did not fit , I began to comfort myself with food . A lot . I actually gained six pounds during that month , and it was embarrassing . I wrestled with food issues a lot . I felt very ashamed of my lack of self control . I was also feeling pretty guilty . On top of school and work , weight became one more thing for me to feel badly about . I began to avoid the scales , and also stopped posting the Friday Weigh In . In looking back , I see that my last post was June 18th . At that point , I 'd lost 18 pounds for the year . My weight began to wobble . And then I managed to gain six pounds . Six . How bad am I ? Pretty bad it turns out . Well , class is over , and I got a B . I 've also got a job that I enjoy a lot . The people are awfully nice . It 's a pretty physical job , and I actually like that part . A lot . And magically , that whole eating for comfort thing has settled down . Just like that . If ever was a lesson to be learned , this is it . When my life is under control , so is my eating . Now , I have not weighed myself , even though I knew that I was losing weight again . I mean , there was something just inherantly awful about losing the same weight that I 'd already lost before . I just made up my mind to give myself a month , and then get back on the scale . When I got back to the weight I was when I posted that I 'd lost 18 pounds , well , I 'd begin posting again . I 'm there . * bows * You know , I have the funniest stories from work . I love that job . Just all sorts of charactors . I was ringing up an Amish man . The folks behind him said , " Are you Mr . Yoder ? " For an Amish , he was pretty funny stuff . He answered , " Well , one of them . " Byler . Yoder . Miller . Those last names are probably shared by more than half of the Amish here . But the people behind him said , " You 're Eli 's father right ? " and he admitted that he was . And the people began to tell him what a wonderful boy Eli was , that he 'd done some work for them , and they were quite impressed with Posted by Probably one of the biggest differences between Tim and I is this : that he hangs on to cars until they are used up and worn out . Completely . Both of our cars have nearly 200 , 000 miles on them . He fixes them up , patiently , many times going to the junkyard to get the replacement parts that they need . I 've been driving the Oldsmobile , which is over 20 years old . It is also the ' work ' vehicle , which means that he 's removed the backseat from the thing so that he can haul stuff from job to job . Now , I 'm not a ' car ' snob . Really , I am not . As long as the car gets me from point A to point B , I 'm kind of good with that . However , I 've been driving this car and it has stopped doing that . A couple weeks ago , I was driving it downtown and I happened to look over . The car was smoking from the passenger front wheel . I immediately pulled over . I could smell the brake burning as soon as I got out of the car . Later , when I saw Tim , I mentioned it . " Yeah , " he says . " I think it 's dragging . I 've got the parts to fix that . Haven 't had time . " And he hasn 't . Not really . The gear shift knob is always falling off . The passenger side window works . . . eeeeeevvverrrrrrrrrrr . . . . soooooooooo . . . slooooooooooooooooooooowly . The trim around the moon roof has partially fallen off and is tucked up and pinned into place . Mostly . Except where it is hanging . The other day was the piece de resistance . I went to town . I parked the car . I sat there a moment thinking , " What is that burning smell ? " I knew it wasn 't the smell of brakes burning . As my friend Mary noted , " When you find yourself differentiating between burning smells on your car , well , that isn 't good . " She 's right . I sat there trying to figure out what to do . Tim was not home . There was no smoke . So I got out of the car and went to breakfast , came back and the darnable car would not start . It wasn 't all bad , because I met some interesting people . That 's the upside . Got a ride in a patrol car . That was exciting , and probably initiated a bunch of neighborly gossip . And Tim did get the car started . BPosted by I guess that 's something that I 'm always going to struggle with a little . If God is leading someone in their journey , like Catherine , and He gives her an idea that she needs to make peace , to settle things , well , far be it from me to shut a door that God has opened . I listened yesterday , and I heard her appealing to me , to be a part of my life , to be a part of my children 's life . It was puzzling to me . As I explained to her , my children are adults . Their relationships with others are their own . You know what I mean ? I don 't feel that it is my place to get in the middle of those sorts of things . She needs to take that desire and lay it before the children . She needs to establish that relationship with them herself . As far as a relationship with me , well , I guess the time for that relationship is past . The kids are grown . The need for any co - parenting has passed . She seemed to want assurance that our relationship was restored , yet since we 'd never had a relationship , I 'm not at all sure how we could restore it . Still . If God was moving in her heart , I didn 't want to be shutting any doors . I was cautious in my words as I spoke to this woman , because her history is to be a collector of words , to save them up and use them at the first opportunity . She spoke of reading my letters to my ex , confusing to me , since we have not corresponded in a dozen or more years . Longer than they have been married . We 'd met in the army , and we 'd written for some time before we 'd ever run in to each other again . A great deal of our relationship happened on paper . She told me that she thought I was an angry woman . That narrowed it down . She must have read letters I sent to him while he was in prison . He 'd written me , asking for information on the kids , wanting to know how they were doing . " I was angry , " I said to Catherine . " That was a devastating time for me and for the kids . " That 's the truth . It was a horrible time . I remembered wanting to know why ? Mostly why . The big burning question : WHY ? ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! As if once I had an answer , I 'd be aPosted by It was an interesting day today . I went down town to meet a friend for breakfast and coffee . I 've been looking very forward to this . She 's got such a calm way about her that it is soothing and comfortable to sit at a table and talk with her . She has had her own bout with breast cancer , and we spoke of a mutual acquaintance who died of it . I was able to say , " You know , I think that I may be depressed right now . . . " She felt that it was probably a natural consequence . It was a relief to say the words out loud . It was a relief to hear her calm response . We talked about cancer and family , and books , and traveling , and when we went our separate ways , I felt better for our time together . I think she did too . We made plans to meet next month . ( late edit : No . I don 't have cancer . It was being discussed in the context of ' post treatment ' and life after cancer , and does it ever stop being an issue in your head ? ) I walked back to my car afterwards , and discovered that it would not start . I got picked up by a fellow about my age , Richard , from Clarendon . He 's newly retired from the phone company , and hasn 't quite figured out what to do with his free time yet , because he assured me that helping me was not a problem at all , that he had nothing planned and could use the excitement . He cheerfully gave me a ride to a car part place . We talked about all manner of stuff while listening to his new Satellite radio , tuned to a station that played Crosby , Stills , Nash and Young , James Taylor , Simon and Garfunkle in the background . I couldn 't get the car started , even with his help . A nice state trooper brought me home . We talked a lot too . About small town life , about coming back from the big city to small town life . I mentioned that I had moved back after years away , because it just seemed to me that it would be easier to raise my kids in a small town . He was an ' Army brat ' , and agreed with my assessment . Both of us had plenty of differences , I imagine , but both of us found plenty of commonalities too . We both are contented where we are . Posted by Tonight , I came home from work , and the moon was just gorgeous . It illuminated everything just beautifully , and so , on the spur of the moment , I went for a night walk . I walked down to neighbor Ken 's field . I stood looking at the way the daisies and the Queen Anne 's lace glowed by the light of the moon . I looked at the way the moon reflected on the surface of the pond . I studied my own moon shadow . I listened to the frogs and the crickets . As I walked back , I could smell the horses from the Saddle Club across the road . I looked at the trees silhouetted by the full moon . I picked out star constellations . I heard the snort of a startled deer in the brush wondering what sort of critter was out prowling this night . I love my corner of the world . Tornados came through north of us . We were not affected , not really , although the road was washed out just over the New York State line . This affects Tim since this is the way he goes to work . So we drove up to take a look . The water is too much for the drainage pipes , and the force of it simply washed the road away . Good news ! The road crew has been working long and hard , and expects the road to be passable tomorrow morning . This makes Tim darn glad . It is his first day on first shift , and he does not want to be late . Walking along the road , we met Gabby . Doesn 't she have a sweet face ? She 's handicapped . She was hit by a car , and her leg had to be amputated . She was adopted by people who had just had their old dog euthanized . I thought about my old Buck , and I cried a little . You know , I do not want another pet . I 'm not ready , and to be honest , I 'm not sure I ever will be again . I 'm glad that Gabby 's people felt differently . All parties seemed very happy . Geese . We went to Washington Park . This is the city of Warren . Look at how muddy the Allegheny River is . Water is high . Tim and I like to daydream . This is our latest daydream . Wouldn 't this be a great place for wedding receptions ? Really ? Lots of parking . It 's just a daydream , I imagine , but it 's fun to walk along with your husband daydreaming about the possibilties . Impossibilities , too . This is Queen Anne 's Lace . It was named for Anne Boleyn , and according to the story that I heard when I was still a young child , it is so called because the flower resembles lace ; the red flower in the center represents a blood droplet where Queen Anne pricked herself with a needle when she was making the lace . The function of the tiny red flower , coloured by anthocyanin , is to attractinsects . Strangely enough , in the UK , this is called Bishop 's Lace , not Queen Anne 's lace . Despite the fanciful names , really and truly , when you get right down to it , this is simply wild carrot . The thunder is echoing through the woods as yet another thunderstorm approaches . The wind has picked up and the trees rustle and whisper . I have wind chimes on the back deck , big ones that sound like church bells when they ring . The rain is pounding right now . I love the darkness , and I love the wildness of this night . I pad around the house that I know by heart , and I do not turn on the lights , in part because I know where everything is , but mostly because I want to watch the lightning flash . These pictures actually loaded in backwards order . Dummy me forgot how it works . So you 'll have to scroll down to the last picture and begin there . * waits * I 'm serious . Get down there ! This is Garnet . There really is nothing more pleasant than sitting on a front porch visiting with good people on a Sunday afternoon while petting the cats that jump up to say hello . Unless it 's petting a little dog too . Thus ends my photo essay on my Sunday afternoon . Gratuitous cat picture for Bill . Anyways , there is nothing more pleasant than sitting on a front porch visiting with good people on a Sunday afternoon and petting the cats that jump up to say hello . Okay . Scroll up . Then I got the idea to head over to Karen 's house , to show you the front porch I sprawled on while petting cats and little dogs , and visiting , earlier this week . Karen already had company . Her company is Karen , too . Gets a little confusing , doesn 't it ? Just say Hi Karen and Karen ! That 's all you need to know . Next thing you know , you 'll be porch sitting and visiting with us , and believe me , there is nothing more pleasant than sitting on a front porch visiting with good people on a Sunday afternoon . Scroll up , please . This is the view from the back deck of the rental . It 's very peaceful , and the kitchen has a bank of windows that overlook the deck and this scene . Makes me want to sing . " Ol ' black water , keeps on rolling , Mississipi moon won 't you keep on shining on meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee . . . . " * cough * Sorry . I get carried away sometimes . Just scroll up . Good . You 're here . Sunday night , I was bored , after mowing the lawn and weeding , etc . ( Tim was at work . So I decided to take a little ride and take pictures with my new camera . This is Tim 's ' new ' car . We 're waiting on the tail light , so that it can be inspected . He also bought new bumper covers , front and back . He got new tires for it . The car is at one of the houses downtown . Okay . Now scroll UP . I was trying to upload pictures from my new camera , but alas : blogger is behaving badly tonight . After three tries , I give up . Nothing to report , not really . Worked on the apartment this morning . Mowed a lawn . Killed the algae in my pond , admired my fish and two frogs , and my little water lilies . This is exciting stuff , ain 't it ? It ain 't ? Well , then I guess I 'll just head off to bed to read awhile . We 'll try again tomorrow . Today , on the way to work , a woman pulled out in front of me . She had a stop sign , and I think she must have thought it was a four way stop . It was not . That 's the only explanation that I can think of because she pulled out directly in front of me . I slammed on the brakes and swung wide , going completely off the road but stopping before I went into the ditch . Traffic stopped all around us , and the people in the parking lot of a local produce store stood gaping . The woman and I exchanged terrified gazes for a moment , and then she drove on . I 'm telling you , I was so scared , I had to sit there a minute , with my face in my hands to regain my composure . I think that someone from the produce store was headed to me , but I was so shaken that I was afraid that I 'd burst into tears if someone tried to be kind , so I smiled at them and continued on my way . When I got to work and got out of the car , I was surprised to find that my legs were shaking and my hands trembled violently as I pumped gas . As I walked into work , I thought the thought that I have thought repeatedly in the last couple years : " Cripes . Life can change in an instant , can 't it ? " Postings will be sparse . I am ending one job while beginning the other . To top it all off , I had to work late last night . My co worker was sick , and went home early . The new job is going to be a nice fit . It 's just a far more respectful place to work . In fact , respect for one another is part of their productive work place policy . What they expect from their employees as customer service is very carefully outlined . Their vision , my vision ~ we are one . I enjoyed my morning yesterday , which goes along very nicely with their mission statement : " Play hard , Have fun , make money . " ( Anyone care to guess where I work ? ) I walked in yesterday , and said , " Hey , someone 's looking at tractors out front . " Immediately , someone shot out the front door . We are 11 percent ahead of the game , profit - wise for the month , and it is easy to see why . When I left a few minutes later ( I 'd stopped in just to show the boss my social security card , something I don 't carry with me , and should have thought to bring that morning ) , I walked to my car , again passing the tractors . My co - worker had one foot propped up on the front wheel of a tractor and was leaning comfortably as he and the customer talked . We exchanged ' thumbs up ' . You know , the ' old ' me would have struggled valiantly to fit into the old job . She would have been miserable , and anxious . It wouldn 't have worked . There would have been tears . The ' new ' me assessed the situation , decided that it wasn 't going to work , that ( moreover ) I had absolutely no inclination to make it work . The ' new ' me saw a chance to get out of there , and she took it . There was no agonizing , and there was no self recrimination . It is what it is , and I 'm better off someplace else . And while there are a couple gloaters at the old place of employment , it makes me laugh inside every time I think of it : they 're walking around feeling as if they ' won ' . Fact is , I did . Late edit : Just for the record here , peoples , when I say that this was a little bear , I mean just that . You are talking about something that weighed 150 lbs , and when he was on all fours , he was no taller than my hips , I 'd guess . I 'm short , btw . 5 foot 3 . That white garbage bag ? It 's a kitchen trash bag . Use that for size comparison . It 's not like having a monster sized grizzly in your back yard . Nothing to be a - skeerd of . It 's been a quiet day here , although it started a little too early for my liking . I awoke to the sound of the neighbor 's dog . I also heard the sound of our garbage can be stealthily opened . Half awake , I muttered to Tim , " I think we might have a bear , " but he was already standing at the window saying , " We have a bear . " Not being a complete failure at blogging , I jumped up and headed downstairs , to get pictures of the bear . You see , unlike BB or Bill or Linda , I am not a natural born photographer . This means that I do not sleep with my camera . I was hanging out the sliding glass doors taking pictures of this bear who was happily munching watermelon and cantelope remains . He was also crunching on coffee grounds . Fruit and caffeine . . . hm . Me and that bear ? Not so different , I guess . Tim headed out the back door to watch the little fellow , and he gave a short , sharp growl . " Oooh , " I thought . " This little whippersnapper is kind of bold . . . " Then he ambled towards my bird feeders ( which are empty this time of year , so as not to attract bears ) . " Oh , no , " I yelled , clapping my hands . " You get away from those right now , " and eventually he did , padding over to see the blueberries . Tim went out the door , taking pictures . The bear stood at the end of the deck looking at us curiously . " Go on , now , " Tim said , and so the little bear went on . Because I am a blogger , I immediately came in to put together a post . I 've been promising you all bear pictures for ever so long , and finally I had them ! And lo , they all turned out like this : All of ' em . I tweaked around for some time , and was able to get the pictues cleaneDebby This last class , as I moaned repeatedly , ( you all are a very patient group ) was haaaaaaaaaardddddd ! I don 't have a lot of confidence in myself as a student yet , and this challenge really wore me down . By the end of it , really , I was just at a place where , exhausted by the sheer enormity of it all , I found it hard to make myself study at all . Struggling also to keep my spirit in an extremely petty and reactive work environment was trying as well , mostly because I have a long established pattern of feeling like everything is all my fault . When people are critical and angry with me , it fits in with how I see myself , ' validating ' everything that I think about myself . There is also the stress that comes with each and every medical visit . I 'm a person who ( yeah , this is shocking . . . ) paid little or no attention to her health before , going to a doctor when something went wrong , waiting for years sometimes , between visits . Now all of a sudden even the taken - for - granted - good - health can no longer be taken for granted . There are symptoms and I don 't know what they mean . When I wake up in the night sweating profusely and throwing off the blankets , is this menopause ? Is this cancer ? Is this simply the hot and humid summer we 've been having ? I don 't know , and I don 't know how to tell the difference . I worry about lumps . I can 't tell the difference between the scar tissue , which is part of my new normal tissue make up . I find this all discouraging , because I have no confidence in my own abilities to stay on top of this : Cancer snuck up on me once , after all , but when I try to express my concerns and fears , I feel foolish and over reactive . This week , I went back to my regular family doctor for some routine stuff . I 've always liked his quiet nature . He said , " You are careful about your BSEs , right ? " and I said , " Well , I am , but I can 't tell you what 's normal and what 's not anymore . " Much to my surprise , he stopped everything to give me a brief class on telling the difference between scar tissue and cancer . A place that I 'd been worPosted by I have a 7 : 45 appointment at the cancer center , so I 'm up early this morning . I woke up to the sounds of distant thunder and sitting at the computer , the storm has moved in big time , with heavy rain and dramatically loud thunder grumbles . It 's a great time to be sipping coffee and watching it all move in . Hindsight being 20 / 20 , I guess I should have mowed the lawn last night . I could have scrubbed and waxed two floors on my hands and knees today , but it appears that lawn mowing is out of the question . Oh . And something else I 've noticed ? A few weeks ago , Jayne ( and probably others ) commented on the wonderful ' new book ' smell . That 's all well and good , but last night , reading contentedly in bed before falling asleep over my book , I discovered that I love the smell of old books even more . Really , there is nothing finer than having a balance in life ~ work , leisure , private time , friend time , sunshine , and storms . I 've been really stressing about a lot of different things lately . On top of everything else , I 've had to work the past four Sunday mornings , so I 've missed church . That 's when I begin to lose perspective . At one point , tired and overwhelmed , I just put my head down and prayed , " God , I just need to see that you 're at work . . . " And then I trudged on . Well . A lot of things have changed here in just a few weeks . Tim is back to work . That 's a big blessing . My class ended , and I did well . We have another apartment rented , and to a wonderful tenant too . I worried about Tim and his car and his late night commute home , and suddenly he has a nice Mustang AND a day job which will begin at the end of the month . I 've got another job where everyone speaks nicely to ( and of ) each other . There is a lot of smiling , and I 'm excited to begin work there . My poor house is finally taking on some semblance of order again after weeks of little time for housework . Yesterday , I was out running errands , and you know , everywhere I went , I ran into someone who was glad to see me , and anxious to know how things were going . Conversations with old friends are always cheering , aren 't they ? Know what else ? Those wobbly tumor markers ? This time they 're down . That 's good news too . It seems as if my prayer has been answered . I again see His hand in my life . I can again look around , and count blessings , and tonight , alone in my quiet little house , I am filled with gratitude . I feel joy bubbling up from a place deep inside of me , and it has been too long . Thank God . It was a very nice day today . I got some housework done , laundry , the like . Not as much as I should have gotten done , but I 'm slowly but surely catching up . I had to go to Jamestown for a drug test for the new job . I guess it 's been a while since I 've done that . Gosh . There are a whole darn lotta rules . The woman told me that if she heard water running , or the toilet flush , it was all over right there . The test would not be sent off . I was kind of mystified . I said , " Well , how do I wash my hands when I 'm done ? " She told me that I could go back in after handing off my sample . Very strange . If you are not a drug user , all the little rules just seem sort of silly , but the lab has come to learn all the little cheating tricks , I guess . Anyhow , I stopped in with the paperwork to give it to my new employer , and had a nice visit . This is going to be a happy place to work , I think . Then I was in the car again , and headed to the nearby town of Youngsville , to pick up our computer from the shop . And then it was over to pay the electric bill , pick up some cleaning supplies from the dollar store . I popped in to see Mary and Danny , in the middle of extensive renovations to their ' new ' house , which is actually Danny 's childhood home . It 's going to look great . You can see that already . They 've got a couple Amish men doing the work . I washed dishes while Mary zipped around setting the rest of the kitchen to rights . Of course , the blabbing was nonstop . I 'd come there to ask a question . Mary is very wise , and she gives good counsel . It just seems so friendly to work alongside someone , to know where things go without asking . To be able to finish each other 's sentences , sometimes . After a short visit there , I headed back down off the hill to my own hill , stopping in the valley in between to pick up a few groceries . And then I was out the door again , with a lease for our new tenant to sign , and to meet up with friends to attend an exhibit of paintings done by the child of other friends . Of course we ran into even more people to talk to , Posted by It 's no secret that my job at the gas station is not going well . It 's a mean place , a complaining place , a back biting place . I don 't like it much , and I 've been very unhappy . A customer came to the store the other day and mentioned that he was looking for help . I was on that like a big dog on a bone . " Pick me , " I said . " I 'm begging . " He told me to stop by and talk to him the following afternoon and so I did . He hired me on the spot . They are looking for ' stellar ' customer service . He wanted an example of what I considered ' stellar ' . I mentioned making a pot of flavored coffee on Saturday , even though we don 't offer them , generally speaking . The self same thing that made my coworker so angry at me , made this manager very happy . And THEN . . . . a cashier walked into the office . She looked at me and knew who I was . I was the one who stopped what I was doing to get the keys to the shed . I ran out to bring in sweet tea for her , since there was none in the refrigerator . I had pumped gas for yet another employee the previous night , and she remembered that she was quite shocked to see an older woman pumping gas ( ouch . ) and she was amazed that I was so cheerful as I waited on her . I guess that what goes around comes around . I try very hard to be a polite person , to avoid mean - ness . It 's been a rough few months , but when I walked out of my new place of employment , I was shaking hands , and everyone seemed so glad to have me on board . Everyone was so cheerful , and we all joked . This is such a huge relief to me , I cannot even tell you . I left there and headed to ' porch - sit ' with my friend Karen . She 's got a lovely front porch that you can sit on , and call out to people as they walk by , with their dogs or by themselves . They stop to exchange a few pleasant words . In between visiting with the walkers , we visited with each other , or watched the birds , as I petted the cats who leapt onto my lap . Her little Yorkie stood expectantly at my feet so I lifted him up as well , and he curled up beside me , giving me something to pet in betweenPosted by Yesterday , I was working at the gas station . The full serve guy did not show up . He 's done . That 's sad . He was a good worker , I think , but he was sick , and when he called in sick , he was told to find his own replacement . He called people , but no one would work for him . He did not call me . I would have worked for him . Anyway , so he was written up as a no - call , no - show , even though , that wasn 't quite factual . Yesterday , however , he was . He simply did not call . He simply didn 't show up . I imagine that he decided that he was going to be fired anyway , so simply did not bother to make the trip to the store . It 's a mean work environment , that 's for sure . So , anyway , I was pumping gas at the two full serve pumps and waiting on customers , scooting back and forth . It was humid and getting disheartening . At one point , a woman was waiting in line for me to pump her gas . She pulled up and said , " My daughter has taken my card into the store to buy cigarettes . " I said , " Okay , " and went around to the other side of the pump to wait on the customer there . The woman who had no credit card was outraged that when her daughter returned with her credit card , she still had to wait for me to finish the customer I was waiting on . I came around and took her credit card and ran it through the machine . I asked her how much gas she wanted . Very angrily , she said , " You never asked me ! ! ! " * blink * . " Um . I 'm asking you now . How much gas would you like ? " And she again complained that I had never asked her . " Ma ' am , " I said , trying to be patient . " I have a number of customers waiting here . I don 't want to argue . I do want you to tell me how much gas you would like me to put in your tank . " And she snapped , " Fill it up ! " I said " Thank you . " Interesting , isn 't it ? I mean she had this idea how everything was supposed to be done . I deviated from her idea of the right way to do things , and she was mad . I approved her card and asked her how much gas she wanted as I waited for the pump to approve the purchase . She felt that I should have asked that question Posted by I got a B in Anatomy and Physiology ! I have to say , I 'm as proud of that as I am of that whole pile of As in the first semester . This was hard . REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEally hard . And I got a B ! It 's late , and yep . I 'm still wide awake . We had a nice weekend . We had the birthday party for Rita . The bread baking outside in a big brick oven . This year we also had stromboli and homemade pizzas . This year we also had music . Guitar and mandolin . People were picking and singing , and little kids were dancing . No pictures , because I haven 't gone to pick the good computer back up from our computer guru 's shop . It just takes too long to load them on our old computer , so you 'll just have to be patient . They 're a - coming , though . They 're a - coming . ' Til then you can browse through 2008 's pictures . We rented the apartment , to a widow . Tim felt that she was the right one . We went over to where she lives now , to meet her little dog . Tim wanted me to meet her too . To see if I got the same feeling . It was a nice little visit , and I did feel a kinship . The she mentioned her sister , and my ears caught something . " Wait , " I said . " Are you talking about Marie ? Marie 's your sister ? " and I burst out laughing . Marie is married to Mr . M . She 's also related to my family . ( It is a strange thing to see pictures of ' your ' family in a stranger 's family album ! ) So , in another amazing coincidence of small town living , I 've discovered that I 'm related to our newest tenant . It was a nice weekend . A very nice weekend . I had Saturday off , a whole day to spend with Tim . Today , I worked , and had a fun day with Heather and Colby . Tim and I went over and worked on the house , finishing touches . Then we came home and curled up on the sofa to watch ' It 's Complicated ' . It 's been a while since I lay with my head on Tim 's chest and listening to his heart and watching a movie . Too long , maybe . It sure felt nice . Tomorrow , I need to find out that flipping Anatomy and Physiology grade . I 've been quietly going nuts over that . Right now , however , I need to get my hinder back to bed . To sleep . Perchance to dream . Oh , so much excitement here I scarcely know where to begin . Our computer picked up AV Suite , something that touts itself as being a security program . It took over our new computer and rendered it useless . This within 24 hours of installing the latest McAfee . So our computer is sitting in Youngsville at our computer guru 's place . He 's got another computer with the same problem , and he says the thing is a pain to get off the computer . We 're in the process of renting out another apartment . This one has great meaning to me , because it was the one that Tim and I were working on when I found out I had cancer . It sort of got put on the backburner for a while as we dealt with everything else . Now it 's finished , finally , and somehow that seems kind of like a big deal to me , personally . Tim bought a new ( to us , anyway ) car . I 'd been worried about him driving back home in the night after his second shift job . The trip home takes him through some real remote country , with no cell phone service . The car he 's been driving has 200 , 000 miles on it . I 've been worried . He was driving down the street and found a car , a 2002 , with 59 , 000 miles on it . The girl was very nervous about the car . She 'd lost her license and a family friend had borrowed it and put it in the ditch . To Tim 's eye , the damage was cosmetic . A new bumper cover , and a light cover . To the girl , this was major damage . She tried to take $ 500 off the price . Tim split the difference with her , because he felt bad for her . She only wanted $ 2000 for it to begin with . What kind of car is it ? It 's a Mustang . Other breaking news ? Tim got a day job . He was shocked spitless over that . It will make life a lot easier for him . He was not fond of second shift , but so glad to have a job again , he was not about to complain about the small stuff . So that is nice . I haven 't gotten my grade from Anatomy and Physiology yet , but I did get a very nice certificate for making the Dean 's list this past spring . Tim wants to frame it . I told him no and stuck it in my desk drawer . I 'm thrilled withPosted by I worked last night . My co - worker is a huge strapping friend of Cara 's . Colby is a really good kid , hilariously funny . I enjoy working with him . Last night was one of those crazy nights . He was doing full serve and running register , which meant he was in and out a lot ( in all that heat ) , and I was often by myself on the register . We were not as crazy busy as we had been over the holiday weekend . Things were finally beginning to calm down . Anyhow , I happened to glance out and saw a large pile of things sitting along side our store . " Where 'd that stuff come from ? " I asked , blinking a little . ( We 'd just had a rush , and I 'd been busy . ) Colby started to speak , and a dredlocked , deeply tanned young man cheerfully said , " It 's my stuff . Need me to move it ? " He was returning the restroom key . " No , it 's okay , no rush . I just had not seen you walk in . " The ' non - gathering ' of the Rainbow people is starting to break up , the tribes are heading for home , where ever that might be . So this kid and Colby talked for a minute before he left . He was a polite kid . Good looking . Bright clear eyes . Looking to catch a ride to New York State . He went out the door calling , " Thank you ! " as Colby said , " Nice meeting you , " and spontaneously , I found myself saying , " Hey . Be careful out there . " Because people aren 't nice sometimes , you know ? The boy has a mother out there , I imagine . One who probably worries about her boy like I worry about my own kids , and like my own kids , this one assured me that he would be careful . Anyways , he gathered up his things , in all that heat , and stepped down the road a piece to an empty store , to wait along the highway with the ubiquitous cardboard sign . Spontaneously , Colby bought him a jug of iced tea , and went out across the parking lot to give it to him . ( It was a hot , hot day , up in the high nineties . ) I watched the two young men talking animatedly for a couple more minutes , and then Colby returned to the store . He stood over by the coffee machine , watching him for a time . He said , a little wistfully , " You knPosted by Okay . I 'm back . We are busy at the store . I worked Friday , Saturday , Sunday , and I will go to work today in a few hours . We 've got extra people on duty , because the Rainbow people are having their annual ' non - gathering ' of ' non - members ' . I 'm not against people thinking differently than me , but this is an interesting group , people who come from all over the United States to dance naked and smoke pot on Federal Property . I don 't like to stereotype , but there are many of them who seem to make a living pan - handling . Tim was driving home one night and there was a red Mustang at the side of the road with its four - ways on . He stopped . It was a carload of Rainbows from Virginia . They had a flat tire . Seems the one tire was going flat so they put the ' donut ' on and then ran that until it blew . They professed not to have a jack . When they went to the trunk to get the ' soft tire ' that they had taken off earlier , he noted the cardboard " Hungry " signs . There was no flashlight , and so Tim used his cell phone and the driver 's to light the underside of the car to get the tire changed . When it was done , he gathered up his cell phone and jack and headed back to the car . " Hey . . . can I borrow your cellphone ? " the girl asked . Tim is a suspicious charactor . He looked at her in the dark and said , " Well , you 've got one of your own . " She said , " Oh , it 's not working . " Tim said , " Mine 's junk . You don 't want to use it . " He put his stuff away and started to get in the car . The boy reached inside the car and said , " Oh . The battery 's dead . " Tim was very much on guard at that point . The young man had stuck his arm inside the car , but had not reached in nearly far enough to reach the ignition . There also had been no momentary flicker of light as the car attempted to start . Tim stood at his open door , wary . " It 's dead ? ! ! " He looked at the blinkers still flashing regularly , brightly . " Yep . Dead . See ? " and again the young boy stuck his hand in the car , but Tim knew instantly that he was not reaching across the steering wheel to the ignition . He got Posted by It 's done . It 's over . I walked out of the lecture hall , and I was just as happy as any child on the last day of school . I felt like twirling , my arms outstetched , reaching to the sky , calling my gratitude to the great gray sky . But I did not . I walked with the dignity befitting my years . I came home and made dinner for Tim , a rare thing indeed , and after he left for work , I went out to mow my lawn . You know , when lawn mowing is just another chore you have to get done because you 've got a thousand other things to do , it 's drudgery , but today , because I was free , because I had time , I took my time , and I enjoyed it , the smell of the grass , the neatly cut lines . And then I went out , to visit with my old friends , and we sat around a camp fire talking , our words playing out pleasantly , much like the sparks that spun into the night sky . And now , I will brush my teeth and go to bed , and as I wait for sleep to come , I will read Pat Conroy . Man ~ time with my husband . A freshly mown lawn . Laughing with friends . Watching the flames dance and shimmer in the darkness . Reading a brand new book . Truly , this day was just about perfect . I 'm the wife of a good man , the mother of good kids , the grandmother of sweet William . I am a student . A small time writer for the local paper . I am funny . I am serious . I am practical . Hardworking . I make great bread . I 'm loyal . |
It 's early in the morning , and cool . A wonderful break from the hot and humid weather we 've been having . People bring their dogs into the store , and I 'm really enjoying petting a dog again . It almost makes me wish . . . Nah . No . Huh - uh . Tim got his new car inspected . He drove me down so that we could pick up the car . I got home and in the driveway . " Tim ? " I asked . " Do you smell brakes burning ? " I thought it was me . He says he thinks it 's the new car . The fun never ends , people . Really . Other than that , not a lot to report . The grandbaby 's heartbeat is posted on line . It is an amazing moment , the first time you hear that , and I remember vividly , hearing the heartbeats of my own three for the first time . Where have the years gone ? Folding laundry , and I came up with an amazing thought : all of those ' economic indicators ' . We can do away with them . What do people do when the times are hard ? They put off buying underwear . Nobody sees them but the person you love , and they love you even if your underwear is shot . So you save those pennies . And then life gets easier , you have money rolling in again , and what 's the first thing you do once you decide that you 're on solid footing again ? You buy a package of Hanes . You walk around in new and comfortable underwear and you feel like a million bucks . So I say that all our government has to do is take a look at underwear stock . Are women buying underwear again ? Then our economy is on the upswing . ( Note : you can not use Victoria 's Secret as an indicator . There are too many men who buy the stuff in bulk because they 've seen Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Anniston looking good in stuff like that . It 's got to be the practical cotton panties that practical working women buy for themselves . ) That 's it really . Gotta get ready for work . Things got nuts for a while , and between the stress of a five week Anatomy and Physiology course and the job where I did not fit , I began to comfort myself with food . A lot . I actually gained six pounds during that month , and it was embarrassing . I wrestled with food issues a lot . I felt very ashamed of my lack of self control . I was also feeling pretty guilty . On top of school and work , weight became one more thing for me to feel badly about . I began to avoid the scales , and also stopped posting the Friday Weigh In . In looking back , I see that my last post was June 18th . At that point , I 'd lost 18 pounds for the year . My weight began to wobble . And then I managed to gain six pounds . Six . How bad am I ? Pretty bad it turns out . Well , class is over , and I got a B . I 've also got a job that I enjoy a lot . The people are awfully nice . It 's a pretty physical job , and I actually like that part . A lot . And magically , that whole eating for comfort thing has settled down . Just like that . If ever was a lesson to be learned , this is it . When my life is under control , so is my eating . Now , I have not weighed myself , even though I knew that I was losing weight again . I mean , there was something just inherantly awful about losing the same weight that I 'd already lost before . I just made up my mind to give myself a month , and then get back on the scale . When I got back to the weight I was when I posted that I 'd lost 18 pounds , well , I 'd begin posting again . I 'm there . * bows * You know , I have the funniest stories from work . I love that job . Just all sorts of charactors . I was ringing up an Amish man . The folks behind him said , " Are you Mr . Yoder ? " For an Amish , he was pretty funny stuff . He answered , " Well , one of them . " Byler . Yoder . Miller . Those last names are probably shared by more than half of the Amish here . But the people behind him said , " You 're Eli 's father right ? " and he admitted that he was . And the people began to tell him what a wonderful boy Eli was , that he 'd done some work for them , and they were quite impressed with Posted by Probably one of the biggest differences between Tim and I is this : that he hangs on to cars until they are used up and worn out . Completely . Both of our cars have nearly 200 , 000 miles on them . He fixes them up , patiently , many times going to the junkyard to get the replacement parts that they need . I 've been driving the Oldsmobile , which is over 20 years old . It is also the ' work ' vehicle , which means that he 's removed the backseat from the thing so that he can haul stuff from job to job . Now , I 'm not a ' car ' snob . Really , I am not . As long as the car gets me from point A to point B , I 'm kind of good with that . However , I 've been driving this car and it has stopped doing that . A couple weeks ago , I was driving it downtown and I happened to look over . The car was smoking from the passenger front wheel . I immediately pulled over . I could smell the brake burning as soon as I got out of the car . Later , when I saw Tim , I mentioned it . " Yeah , " he says . " I think it 's dragging . I 've got the parts to fix that . Haven 't had time . " And he hasn 't . Not really . The gear shift knob is always falling off . The passenger side window works . . . eeeeeevvverrrrrrrrrrr . . . . soooooooooo . . . slooooooooooooooooooooowly . The trim around the moon roof has partially fallen off and is tucked up and pinned into place . Mostly . Except where it is hanging . The other day was the piece de resistance . I went to town . I parked the car . I sat there a moment thinking , " What is that burning smell ? " I knew it wasn 't the smell of brakes burning . As my friend Mary noted , " When you find yourself differentiating between burning smells on your car , well , that isn 't good . " She 's right . I sat there trying to figure out what to do . Tim was not home . There was no smoke . So I got out of the car and went to breakfast , came back and the darnable car would not start . It wasn 't all bad , because I met some interesting people . That 's the upside . Got a ride in a patrol car . That was exciting , and probably initiated a bunch of neighborly gossip . And Tim did get the car started . BPosted by I guess that 's something that I 'm always going to struggle with a little . If God is leading someone in their journey , like Catherine , and He gives her an idea that she needs to make peace , to settle things , well , far be it from me to shut a door that God has opened . I listened yesterday , and I heard her appealing to me , to be a part of my life , to be a part of my children 's life . It was puzzling to me . As I explained to her , my children are adults . Their relationships with others are their own . You know what I mean ? I don 't feel that it is my place to get in the middle of those sorts of things . She needs to take that desire and lay it before the children . She needs to establish that relationship with them herself . As far as a relationship with me , well , I guess the time for that relationship is past . The kids are grown . The need for any co - parenting has passed . She seemed to want assurance that our relationship was restored , yet since we 'd never had a relationship , I 'm not at all sure how we could restore it . Still . If God was moving in her heart , I didn 't want to be shutting any doors . I was cautious in my words as I spoke to this woman , because her history is to be a collector of words , to save them up and use them at the first opportunity . She spoke of reading my letters to my ex , confusing to me , since we have not corresponded in a dozen or more years . Longer than they have been married . We 'd met in the army , and we 'd written for some time before we 'd ever run in to each other again . A great deal of our relationship happened on paper . She told me that she thought I was an angry woman . That narrowed it down . She must have read letters I sent to him while he was in prison . He 'd written me , asking for information on the kids , wanting to know how they were doing . " I was angry , " I said to Catherine . " That was a devastating time for me and for the kids . " That 's the truth . It was a horrible time . I remembered wanting to know why ? Mostly why . The big burning question : WHY ? ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! As if once I had an answer , I 'd be aPosted by It was an interesting day today . I went down town to meet a friend for breakfast and coffee . I 've been looking very forward to this . She 's got such a calm way about her that it is soothing and comfortable to sit at a table and talk with her . She has had her own bout with breast cancer , and we spoke of a mutual acquaintance who died of it . I was able to say , " You know , I think that I may be depressed right now . . . " She felt that it was probably a natural consequence . It was a relief to say the words out loud . It was a relief to hear her calm response . We talked about cancer and family , and books , and traveling , and when we went our separate ways , I felt better for our time together . I think she did too . We made plans to meet next month . ( late edit : No . I don 't have cancer . It was being discussed in the context of ' post treatment ' and life after cancer , and does it ever stop being an issue in your head ? ) I walked back to my car afterwards , and discovered that it would not start . I got picked up by a fellow about my age , Richard , from Clarendon . He 's newly retired from the phone company , and hasn 't quite figured out what to do with his free time yet , because he assured me that helping me was not a problem at all , that he had nothing planned and could use the excitement . He cheerfully gave me a ride to a car part place . We talked about all manner of stuff while listening to his new Satellite radio , tuned to a station that played Crosby , Stills , Nash and Young , James Taylor , Simon and Garfunkle in the background . I couldn 't get the car started , even with his help . A nice state trooper brought me home . We talked a lot too . About small town life , about coming back from the big city to small town life . I mentioned that I had moved back after years away , because it just seemed to me that it would be easier to raise my kids in a small town . He was an ' Army brat ' , and agreed with my assessment . Both of us had plenty of differences , I imagine , but both of us found plenty of commonalities too . We both are contented where we are . Posted by Tonight , I came home from work , and the moon was just gorgeous . It illuminated everything just beautifully , and so , on the spur of the moment , I went for a night walk . I walked down to neighbor Ken 's field . I stood looking at the way the daisies and the Queen Anne 's lace glowed by the light of the moon . I looked at the way the moon reflected on the surface of the pond . I studied my own moon shadow . I listened to the frogs and the crickets . As I walked back , I could smell the horses from the Saddle Club across the road . I looked at the trees silhouetted by the full moon . I picked out star constellations . I heard the snort of a startled deer in the brush wondering what sort of critter was out prowling this night . I love my corner of the world . Tornados came through north of us . We were not affected , not really , although the road was washed out just over the New York State line . This affects Tim since this is the way he goes to work . So we drove up to take a look . The water is too much for the drainage pipes , and the force of it simply washed the road away . Good news ! The road crew has been working long and hard , and expects the road to be passable tomorrow morning . This makes Tim darn glad . It is his first day on first shift , and he does not want to be late . Walking along the road , we met Gabby . Doesn 't she have a sweet face ? She 's handicapped . She was hit by a car , and her leg had to be amputated . She was adopted by people who had just had their old dog euthanized . I thought about my old Buck , and I cried a little . You know , I do not want another pet . I 'm not ready , and to be honest , I 'm not sure I ever will be again . I 'm glad that Gabby 's people felt differently . All parties seemed very happy . Geese . We went to Washington Park . This is the city of Warren . Look at how muddy the Allegheny River is . Water is high . Tim and I like to daydream . This is our latest daydream . Wouldn 't this be a great place for wedding receptions ? Really ? Lots of parking . It 's just a daydream , I imagine , but it 's fun to walk along with your husband daydreaming about the possibilties . Impossibilities , too . This is Queen Anne 's Lace . It was named for Anne Boleyn , and according to the story that I heard when I was still a young child , it is so called because the flower resembles lace ; the red flower in the center represents a blood droplet where Queen Anne pricked herself with a needle when she was making the lace . The function of the tiny red flower , coloured by anthocyanin , is to attractinsects . Strangely enough , in the UK , this is called Bishop 's Lace , not Queen Anne 's lace . Despite the fanciful names , really and truly , when you get right down to it , this is simply wild carrot . The thunder is echoing through the woods as yet another thunderstorm approaches . The wind has picked up and the trees rustle and whisper . I have wind chimes on the back deck , big ones that sound like church bells when they ring . The rain is pounding right now . I love the darkness , and I love the wildness of this night . I pad around the house that I know by heart , and I do not turn on the lights , in part because I know where everything is , but mostly because I want to watch the lightning flash . These pictures actually loaded in backwards order . Dummy me forgot how it works . So you 'll have to scroll down to the last picture and begin there . * waits * I 'm serious . Get down there ! This is Garnet . There really is nothing more pleasant than sitting on a front porch visiting with good people on a Sunday afternoon while petting the cats that jump up to say hello . Unless it 's petting a little dog too . Thus ends my photo essay on my Sunday afternoon . Gratuitous cat picture for Bill . Anyways , there is nothing more pleasant than sitting on a front porch visiting with good people on a Sunday afternoon and petting the cats that jump up to say hello . Okay . Scroll up . Then I got the idea to head over to Karen 's house , to show you the front porch I sprawled on while petting cats and little dogs , and visiting , earlier this week . Karen already had company . Her company is Karen , too . Gets a little confusing , doesn 't it ? Just say Hi Karen and Karen ! That 's all you need to know . Next thing you know , you 'll be porch sitting and visiting with us , and believe me , there is nothing more pleasant than sitting on a front porch visiting with good people on a Sunday afternoon . Scroll up , please . This is the view from the back deck of the rental . It 's very peaceful , and the kitchen has a bank of windows that overlook the deck and this scene . Makes me want to sing . " Ol ' black water , keeps on rolling , Mississipi moon won 't you keep on shining on meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee . . . . " * cough * Sorry . I get carried away sometimes . Just scroll up . Good . You 're here . Sunday night , I was bored , after mowing the lawn and weeding , etc . ( Tim was at work . So I decided to take a little ride and take pictures with my new camera . This is Tim 's ' new ' car . We 're waiting on the tail light , so that it can be inspected . He also bought new bumper covers , front and back . He got new tires for it . The car is at one of the houses downtown . Okay . Now scroll UP . I was trying to upload pictures from my new camera , but alas : blogger is behaving badly tonight . After three tries , I give up . Nothing to report , not really . Worked on the apartment this morning . Mowed a lawn . Killed the algae in my pond , admired my fish and two frogs , and my little water lilies . This is exciting stuff , ain 't it ? It ain 't ? Well , then I guess I 'll just head off to bed to read awhile . We 'll try again tomorrow . Today , on the way to work , a woman pulled out in front of me . She had a stop sign , and I think she must have thought it was a four way stop . It was not . That 's the only explanation that I can think of because she pulled out directly in front of me . I slammed on the brakes and swung wide , going completely off the road but stopping before I went into the ditch . Traffic stopped all around us , and the people in the parking lot of a local produce store stood gaping . The woman and I exchanged terrified gazes for a moment , and then she drove on . I 'm telling you , I was so scared , I had to sit there a minute , with my face in my hands to regain my composure . I think that someone from the produce store was headed to me , but I was so shaken that I was afraid that I 'd burst into tears if someone tried to be kind , so I smiled at them and continued on my way . When I got to work and got out of the car , I was surprised to find that my legs were shaking and my hands trembled violently as I pumped gas . As I walked into work , I thought the thought that I have thought repeatedly in the last couple years : " Cripes . Life can change in an instant , can 't it ? " Postings will be sparse . I am ending one job while beginning the other . To top it all off , I had to work late last night . My co worker was sick , and went home early . The new job is going to be a nice fit . It 's just a far more respectful place to work . In fact , respect for one another is part of their productive work place policy . What they expect from their employees as customer service is very carefully outlined . Their vision , my vision ~ we are one . I enjoyed my morning yesterday , which goes along very nicely with their mission statement : " Play hard , Have fun , make money . " ( Anyone care to guess where I work ? ) I walked in yesterday , and said , " Hey , someone 's looking at tractors out front . " Immediately , someone shot out the front door . We are 11 percent ahead of the game , profit - wise for the month , and it is easy to see why . When I left a few minutes later ( I 'd stopped in just to show the boss my social security card , something I don 't carry with me , and should have thought to bring that morning ) , I walked to my car , again passing the tractors . My co - worker had one foot propped up on the front wheel of a tractor and was leaning comfortably as he and the customer talked . We exchanged ' thumbs up ' . You know , the ' old ' me would have struggled valiantly to fit into the old job . She would have been miserable , and anxious . It wouldn 't have worked . There would have been tears . The ' new ' me assessed the situation , decided that it wasn 't going to work , that ( moreover ) I had absolutely no inclination to make it work . The ' new ' me saw a chance to get out of there , and she took it . There was no agonizing , and there was no self recrimination . It is what it is , and I 'm better off someplace else . And while there are a couple gloaters at the old place of employment , it makes me laugh inside every time I think of it : they 're walking around feeling as if they ' won ' . Fact is , I did . Late edit : Just for the record here , peoples , when I say that this was a little bear , I mean just that . You are talking about something that weighed 150 lbs , and when he was on all fours , he was no taller than my hips , I 'd guess . I 'm short , btw . 5 foot 3 . That white garbage bag ? It 's a kitchen trash bag . Use that for size comparison . It 's not like having a monster sized grizzly in your back yard . Nothing to be a - skeerd of . It 's been a quiet day here , although it started a little too early for my liking . I awoke to the sound of the neighbor 's dog . I also heard the sound of our garbage can be stealthily opened . Half awake , I muttered to Tim , " I think we might have a bear , " but he was already standing at the window saying , " We have a bear . " Not being a complete failure at blogging , I jumped up and headed downstairs , to get pictures of the bear . You see , unlike BB or Bill or Linda , I am not a natural born photographer . This means that I do not sleep with my camera . I was hanging out the sliding glass doors taking pictures of this bear who was happily munching watermelon and cantelope remains . He was also crunching on coffee grounds . Fruit and caffeine . . . hm . Me and that bear ? Not so different , I guess . Tim headed out the back door to watch the little fellow , and he gave a short , sharp growl . " Oooh , " I thought . " This little whippersnapper is kind of bold . . . " Then he ambled towards my bird feeders ( which are empty this time of year , so as not to attract bears ) . " Oh , no , " I yelled , clapping my hands . " You get away from those right now , " and eventually he did , padding over to see the blueberries . Tim went out the door , taking pictures . The bear stood at the end of the deck looking at us curiously . " Go on , now , " Tim said , and so the little bear went on . Because I am a blogger , I immediately came in to put together a post . I 've been promising you all bear pictures for ever so long , and finally I had them ! And lo , they all turned out like this : All of ' em . I tweaked around for some time , and was able to get the pictues cleaneDebby This last class , as I moaned repeatedly , ( you all are a very patient group ) was haaaaaaaaaardddddd ! I don 't have a lot of confidence in myself as a student yet , and this challenge really wore me down . By the end of it , really , I was just at a place where , exhausted by the sheer enormity of it all , I found it hard to make myself study at all . Struggling also to keep my spirit in an extremely petty and reactive work environment was trying as well , mostly because I have a long established pattern of feeling like everything is all my fault . When people are critical and angry with me , it fits in with how I see myself , ' validating ' everything that I think about myself . There is also the stress that comes with each and every medical visit . I 'm a person who ( yeah , this is shocking . . . ) paid little or no attention to her health before , going to a doctor when something went wrong , waiting for years sometimes , between visits . Now all of a sudden even the taken - for - granted - good - health can no longer be taken for granted . There are symptoms and I don 't know what they mean . When I wake up in the night sweating profusely and throwing off the blankets , is this menopause ? Is this cancer ? Is this simply the hot and humid summer we 've been having ? I don 't know , and I don 't know how to tell the difference . I worry about lumps . I can 't tell the difference between the scar tissue , which is part of my new normal tissue make up . I find this all discouraging , because I have no confidence in my own abilities to stay on top of this : Cancer snuck up on me once , after all , but when I try to express my concerns and fears , I feel foolish and over reactive . This week , I went back to my regular family doctor for some routine stuff . I 've always liked his quiet nature . He said , " You are careful about your BSEs , right ? " and I said , " Well , I am , but I can 't tell you what 's normal and what 's not anymore . " Much to my surprise , he stopped everything to give me a brief class on telling the difference between scar tissue and cancer . A place that I 'd been worPosted by I have a 7 : 45 appointment at the cancer center , so I 'm up early this morning . I woke up to the sounds of distant thunder and sitting at the computer , the storm has moved in big time , with heavy rain and dramatically loud thunder grumbles . It 's a great time to be sipping coffee and watching it all move in . Hindsight being 20 / 20 , I guess I should have mowed the lawn last night . I could have scrubbed and waxed two floors on my hands and knees today , but it appears that lawn mowing is out of the question . Oh . And something else I 've noticed ? A few weeks ago , Jayne ( and probably others ) commented on the wonderful ' new book ' smell . That 's all well and good , but last night , reading contentedly in bed before falling asleep over my book , I discovered that I love the smell of old books even more . Really , there is nothing finer than having a balance in life ~ work , leisure , private time , friend time , sunshine , and storms . I 've been really stressing about a lot of different things lately . On top of everything else , I 've had to work the past four Sunday mornings , so I 've missed church . That 's when I begin to lose perspective . At one point , tired and overwhelmed , I just put my head down and prayed , " God , I just need to see that you 're at work . . . " And then I trudged on . Well . A lot of things have changed here in just a few weeks . Tim is back to work . That 's a big blessing . My class ended , and I did well . We have another apartment rented , and to a wonderful tenant too . I worried about Tim and his car and his late night commute home , and suddenly he has a nice Mustang AND a day job which will begin at the end of the month . I 've got another job where everyone speaks nicely to ( and of ) each other . There is a lot of smiling , and I 'm excited to begin work there . My poor house is finally taking on some semblance of order again after weeks of little time for housework . Yesterday , I was out running errands , and you know , everywhere I went , I ran into someone who was glad to see me , and anxious to know how things were going . Conversations with old friends are always cheering , aren 't they ? Know what else ? Those wobbly tumor markers ? This time they 're down . That 's good news too . It seems as if my prayer has been answered . I again see His hand in my life . I can again look around , and count blessings , and tonight , alone in my quiet little house , I am filled with gratitude . I feel joy bubbling up from a place deep inside of me , and it has been too long . Thank God . It was a very nice day today . I got some housework done , laundry , the like . Not as much as I should have gotten done , but I 'm slowly but surely catching up . I had to go to Jamestown for a drug test for the new job . I guess it 's been a while since I 've done that . Gosh . There are a whole darn lotta rules . The woman told me that if she heard water running , or the toilet flush , it was all over right there . The test would not be sent off . I was kind of mystified . I said , " Well , how do I wash my hands when I 'm done ? " She told me that I could go back in after handing off my sample . Very strange . If you are not a drug user , all the little rules just seem sort of silly , but the lab has come to learn all the little cheating tricks , I guess . Anyhow , I stopped in with the paperwork to give it to my new employer , and had a nice visit . This is going to be a happy place to work , I think . Then I was in the car again , and headed to the nearby town of Youngsville , to pick up our computer from the shop . And then it was over to pay the electric bill , pick up some cleaning supplies from the dollar store . I popped in to see Mary and Danny , in the middle of extensive renovations to their ' new ' house , which is actually Danny 's childhood home . It 's going to look great . You can see that already . They 've got a couple Amish men doing the work . I washed dishes while Mary zipped around setting the rest of the kitchen to rights . Of course , the blabbing was nonstop . I 'd come there to ask a question . Mary is very wise , and she gives good counsel . It just seems so friendly to work alongside someone , to know where things go without asking . To be able to finish each other 's sentences , sometimes . After a short visit there , I headed back down off the hill to my own hill , stopping in the valley in between to pick up a few groceries . And then I was out the door again , with a lease for our new tenant to sign , and to meet up with friends to attend an exhibit of paintings done by the child of other friends . Of course we ran into even more people to talk to , Posted by It 's no secret that my job at the gas station is not going well . It 's a mean place , a complaining place , a back biting place . I don 't like it much , and I 've been very unhappy . A customer came to the store the other day and mentioned that he was looking for help . I was on that like a big dog on a bone . " Pick me , " I said . " I 'm begging . " He told me to stop by and talk to him the following afternoon and so I did . He hired me on the spot . They are looking for ' stellar ' customer service . He wanted an example of what I considered ' stellar ' . I mentioned making a pot of flavored coffee on Saturday , even though we don 't offer them , generally speaking . The self same thing that made my coworker so angry at me , made this manager very happy . And THEN . . . . a cashier walked into the office . She looked at me and knew who I was . I was the one who stopped what I was doing to get the keys to the shed . I ran out to bring in sweet tea for her , since there was none in the refrigerator . I had pumped gas for yet another employee the previous night , and she remembered that she was quite shocked to see an older woman pumping gas ( ouch . ) and she was amazed that I was so cheerful as I waited on her . I guess that what goes around comes around . I try very hard to be a polite person , to avoid mean - ness . It 's been a rough few months , but when I walked out of my new place of employment , I was shaking hands , and everyone seemed so glad to have me on board . Everyone was so cheerful , and we all joked . This is such a huge relief to me , I cannot even tell you . I left there and headed to ' porch - sit ' with my friend Karen . She 's got a lovely front porch that you can sit on , and call out to people as they walk by , with their dogs or by themselves . They stop to exchange a few pleasant words . In between visiting with the walkers , we visited with each other , or watched the birds , as I petted the cats who leapt onto my lap . Her little Yorkie stood expectantly at my feet so I lifted him up as well , and he curled up beside me , giving me something to pet in betweenPosted by Yesterday , I was working at the gas station . The full serve guy did not show up . He 's done . That 's sad . He was a good worker , I think , but he was sick , and when he called in sick , he was told to find his own replacement . He called people , but no one would work for him . He did not call me . I would have worked for him . Anyway , so he was written up as a no - call , no - show , even though , that wasn 't quite factual . Yesterday , however , he was . He simply did not call . He simply didn 't show up . I imagine that he decided that he was going to be fired anyway , so simply did not bother to make the trip to the store . It 's a mean work environment , that 's for sure . So , anyway , I was pumping gas at the two full serve pumps and waiting on customers , scooting back and forth . It was humid and getting disheartening . At one point , a woman was waiting in line for me to pump her gas . She pulled up and said , " My daughter has taken my card into the store to buy cigarettes . " I said , " Okay , " and went around to the other side of the pump to wait on the customer there . The woman who had no credit card was outraged that when her daughter returned with her credit card , she still had to wait for me to finish the customer I was waiting on . I came around and took her credit card and ran it through the machine . I asked her how much gas she wanted . Very angrily , she said , " You never asked me ! ! ! " * blink * . " Um . I 'm asking you now . How much gas would you like ? " And she again complained that I had never asked her . " Ma ' am , " I said , trying to be patient . " I have a number of customers waiting here . I don 't want to argue . I do want you to tell me how much gas you would like me to put in your tank . " And she snapped , " Fill it up ! " I said " Thank you . " Interesting , isn 't it ? I mean she had this idea how everything was supposed to be done . I deviated from her idea of the right way to do things , and she was mad . I approved her card and asked her how much gas she wanted as I waited for the pump to approve the purchase . She felt that I should have asked that question Posted by I got a B in Anatomy and Physiology ! I have to say , I 'm as proud of that as I am of that whole pile of As in the first semester . This was hard . REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEally hard . And I got a B ! It 's late , and yep . I 'm still wide awake . We had a nice weekend . We had the birthday party for Rita . The bread baking outside in a big brick oven . This year we also had stromboli and homemade pizzas . This year we also had music . Guitar and mandolin . People were picking and singing , and little kids were dancing . No pictures , because I haven 't gone to pick the good computer back up from our computer guru 's shop . It just takes too long to load them on our old computer , so you 'll just have to be patient . They 're a - coming , though . They 're a - coming . ' Til then you can browse through 2008 's pictures . We rented the apartment , to a widow . Tim felt that she was the right one . We went over to where she lives now , to meet her little dog . Tim wanted me to meet her too . To see if I got the same feeling . It was a nice little visit , and I did feel a kinship . The she mentioned her sister , and my ears caught something . " Wait , " I said . " Are you talking about Marie ? Marie 's your sister ? " and I burst out laughing . Marie is married to Mr . M . She 's also related to my family . ( It is a strange thing to see pictures of ' your ' family in a stranger 's family album ! ) So , in another amazing coincidence of small town living , I 've discovered that I 'm related to our newest tenant . It was a nice weekend . A very nice weekend . I had Saturday off , a whole day to spend with Tim . Today , I worked , and had a fun day with Heather and Colby . Tim and I went over and worked on the house , finishing touches . Then we came home and curled up on the sofa to watch ' It 's Complicated ' . It 's been a while since I lay with my head on Tim 's chest and listening to his heart and watching a movie . Too long , maybe . It sure felt nice . Tomorrow , I need to find out that flipping Anatomy and Physiology grade . I 've been quietly going nuts over that . Right now , however , I need to get my hinder back to bed . To sleep . Perchance to dream . Oh , so much excitement here I scarcely know where to begin . Our computer picked up AV Suite , something that touts itself as being a security program . It took over our new computer and rendered it useless . This within 24 hours of installing the latest McAfee . So our computer is sitting in Youngsville at our computer guru 's place . He 's got another computer with the same problem , and he says the thing is a pain to get off the computer . We 're in the process of renting out another apartment . This one has great meaning to me , because it was the one that Tim and I were working on when I found out I had cancer . It sort of got put on the backburner for a while as we dealt with everything else . Now it 's finished , finally , and somehow that seems kind of like a big deal to me , personally . Tim bought a new ( to us , anyway ) car . I 'd been worried about him driving back home in the night after his second shift job . The trip home takes him through some real remote country , with no cell phone service . The car he 's been driving has 200 , 000 miles on it . I 've been worried . He was driving down the street and found a car , a 2002 , with 59 , 000 miles on it . The girl was very nervous about the car . She 'd lost her license and a family friend had borrowed it and put it in the ditch . To Tim 's eye , the damage was cosmetic . A new bumper cover , and a light cover . To the girl , this was major damage . She tried to take $ 500 off the price . Tim split the difference with her , because he felt bad for her . She only wanted $ 2000 for it to begin with . What kind of car is it ? It 's a Mustang . Other breaking news ? Tim got a day job . He was shocked spitless over that . It will make life a lot easier for him . He was not fond of second shift , but so glad to have a job again , he was not about to complain about the small stuff . So that is nice . I haven 't gotten my grade from Anatomy and Physiology yet , but I did get a very nice certificate for making the Dean 's list this past spring . Tim wants to frame it . I told him no and stuck it in my desk drawer . I 'm thrilled withPosted by I worked last night . My co - worker is a huge strapping friend of Cara 's . Colby is a really good kid , hilariously funny . I enjoy working with him . Last night was one of those crazy nights . He was doing full serve and running register , which meant he was in and out a lot ( in all that heat ) , and I was often by myself on the register . We were not as crazy busy as we had been over the holiday weekend . Things were finally beginning to calm down . Anyhow , I happened to glance out and saw a large pile of things sitting along side our store . " Where 'd that stuff come from ? " I asked , blinking a little . ( We 'd just had a rush , and I 'd been busy . ) Colby started to speak , and a dredlocked , deeply tanned young man cheerfully said , " It 's my stuff . Need me to move it ? " He was returning the restroom key . " No , it 's okay , no rush . I just had not seen you walk in . " The ' non - gathering ' of the Rainbow people is starting to break up , the tribes are heading for home , where ever that might be . So this kid and Colby talked for a minute before he left . He was a polite kid . Good looking . Bright clear eyes . Looking to catch a ride to New York State . He went out the door calling , " Thank you ! " as Colby said , " Nice meeting you , " and spontaneously , I found myself saying , " Hey . Be careful out there . " Because people aren 't nice sometimes , you know ? The boy has a mother out there , I imagine . One who probably worries about her boy like I worry about my own kids , and like my own kids , this one assured me that he would be careful . Anyways , he gathered up his things , in all that heat , and stepped down the road a piece to an empty store , to wait along the highway with the ubiquitous cardboard sign . Spontaneously , Colby bought him a jug of iced tea , and went out across the parking lot to give it to him . ( It was a hot , hot day , up in the high nineties . ) I watched the two young men talking animatedly for a couple more minutes , and then Colby returned to the store . He stood over by the coffee machine , watching him for a time . He said , a little wistfully , " You knPosted by Okay . I 'm back . We are busy at the store . I worked Friday , Saturday , Sunday , and I will go to work today in a few hours . We 've got extra people on duty , because the Rainbow people are having their annual ' non - gathering ' of ' non - members ' . I 'm not against people thinking differently than me , but this is an interesting group , people who come from all over the United States to dance naked and smoke pot on Federal Property . I don 't like to stereotype , but there are many of them who seem to make a living pan - handling . Tim was driving home one night and there was a red Mustang at the side of the road with its four - ways on . He stopped . It was a carload of Rainbows from Virginia . They had a flat tire . Seems the one tire was going flat so they put the ' donut ' on and then ran that until it blew . They professed not to have a jack . When they went to the trunk to get the ' soft tire ' that they had taken off earlier , he noted the cardboard " Hungry " signs . There was no flashlight , and so Tim used his cell phone and the driver 's to light the underside of the car to get the tire changed . When it was done , he gathered up his cell phone and jack and headed back to the car . " Hey . . . can I borrow your cellphone ? " the girl asked . Tim is a suspicious charactor . He looked at her in the dark and said , " Well , you 've got one of your own . " She said , " Oh , it 's not working . " Tim said , " Mine 's junk . You don 't want to use it . " He put his stuff away and started to get in the car . The boy reached inside the car and said , " Oh . The battery 's dead . " Tim was very much on guard at that point . The young man had stuck his arm inside the car , but had not reached in nearly far enough to reach the ignition . There also had been no momentary flicker of light as the car attempted to start . Tim stood at his open door , wary . " It 's dead ? ! ! " He looked at the blinkers still flashing regularly , brightly . " Yep . Dead . See ? " and again the young boy stuck his hand in the car , but Tim knew instantly that he was not reaching across the steering wheel to the ignition . He got Posted by It 's done . It 's over . I walked out of the lecture hall , and I was just as happy as any child on the last day of school . I felt like twirling , my arms outstetched , reaching to the sky , calling my gratitude to the great gray sky . But I did not . I walked with the dignity befitting my years . I came home and made dinner for Tim , a rare thing indeed , and after he left for work , I went out to mow my lawn . You know , when lawn mowing is just another chore you have to get done because you 've got a thousand other things to do , it 's drudgery , but today , because I was free , because I had time , I took my time , and I enjoyed it , the smell of the grass , the neatly cut lines . And then I went out , to visit with my old friends , and we sat around a camp fire talking , our words playing out pleasantly , much like the sparks that spun into the night sky . And now , I will brush my teeth and go to bed , and as I wait for sleep to come , I will read Pat Conroy . Man ~ time with my husband . A freshly mown lawn . Laughing with friends . Watching the flames dance and shimmer in the darkness . Reading a brand new book . Truly , this day was just about perfect . I 'm the wife of a good man , the mother of good kids , the grandmother of sweet William . I am a student . A small time writer for the local paper . I am funny . I am serious . I am practical . Hardworking . I make great bread . I 'm loyal . |
Here are a few updates related to this blog and what is in store for its future . I haven 't ever written a post like this before , so please bear with me . - WE Continue reading → They were sitting at a table by the terrace 's edge . She had promised to come with him , to lend him moral support and social legitimacy . She supplied neither as she lit her fourth cigarette of the hour . He stopped babbling for a moment to take in the full splendor of her face ; her eyes met his with steely resolve . " Things change , " he said , " people just get used to them . Either that , or they don 't know how to handle the changes . " She rolled her eyes and looked away . " Well , " she said , " I tried . You might as well find out for yourself . " She got up , with her wine glass in one hand and the cigarette in the other , and walked away without looking at him . He watched the people around him . They were mostly ugly , but tonight they were happy and filled with a sense of possibility . In a few hours , they would all be young again , with completely new faces , houses , spouses , and even new minds . They were finally getting the lives they had always dreamed of . His model friend was too jaded to appreciate her good fortune . " The Businessman doesn 't make deals with just anyone , you know , " she told him six months ago . She wasn 't a model back then ; she couldn 't be one , not yet . He thought she was beautiful before her metamorphosis , even with her crooked nose and her two front teeth overlapping . Those little things kept her off the covers of magazines , but they made her more memorable . Now she was just a face among faces . Her smile no longer reached her eyes . He never learned how she met the Businessman . To meet him , you needed an introduction , an appointment , and something of value to offer . His office was at the topmost floor of the Sulgane Building , a tower of delicately arched steel beams and large panels of pink glass . Transients were always muttering to themselves by the entrance , unsettling the tourists trying to take pictures . She wangled him an appointment by " calling in a lot of favors . " " Don 't be late , " she 'd warned him ; he wasn 't . As soon as he arrived at the Sulgane , an elegant young woman ushered him into an elevator . She placed a key in the elevator 's control station ; it rocketed to the top of the building . By the time he caught his breath , he was standing in the middle of an office , facing a man sitting behind a desk . " Mr . Barnes , " the Businessman said . " Thank you for coming to see me today . " His voice , a smooth and cultured baritone , washed over his visitor like a wave . He smiled at his visitor , an engaging , intimate smile . " I know all about Milena , " he said dismissively . " I want to know about you . My time is worth a lot . Please don 't waste it . " " Milena told me that you can give people entirely new lives , " Mr . Barnes began . " You make them rich when they 're poor . You make them pretty when they 're ugly . You make a million people fall in love with a man , even if his own mother can 't stand him . You give them glamor and power when they don 't have a right to either . And the price is … well , she said it was ' modest . ' " " I see my reputation precedes me , " he chuckled . " Milena is right , of course - I can , and do , make incredible things happen . But I 'm afraid she may have misled you . The price is not modest , " he said , spitting out the last word like an olive pit . " I don 't believe in charging less than I 'm due . And a service like this has no equal , just as its price has no equal . " " Only a few people can truly pay for what I give them , " he continued . " Not because of any failure on my part . I have faith in every soul who crosses my threshold , but not all of them have faith in themselves . " He turned back to Mr . Barnes and locked eyes with him . " I canot do a thing for a man who won 't allow himself to be served , " he said . " It sounds silly , but it 's true . If you will put yourself in my hands , Mr . Barnes , I can open worlds for you , vistas of experience and pleasure beyond your powers of imagination . I can make anything happen for you that you desire . But I cannot lift a finger without your permission . If I am to assist you , you must believe in yourself , and trust in me . " Mr . Barnes did not quite follow this line of argument . He nodded anyway . An enormous smile broke over the businessman 's face , hiding his eyes behind a thousand wrinkles . He strode to Mr . Barnes and shook his hand . " Wonderful , " he said . " I 'm delighted to have you with me . Go home now - someone will call you with instructions very soon . When these instructions come , you must follow them to the letter , or I am powerless to give you what you desire . " Someone called Mr . Barnes the instant he came home , cordially inviting him to a party on Pierce Street . That was how it started . He 'd spent the past six months going to parties , soirees , salons , luncheons and other events where he felt enormously out of place . He 'd woken up in penthouses , mansions , hotel suites , even private jets ; he rarely slept alone . There were long stretches of time that passed without his knowing . He didn 't worry about them , even when he woke up in a sweat , unable or unwilling to remember his dreams . Everyone was at these parties - - everyone - - all of them united by a common purpose . Their work for the Businessman drew them together , gave their lives meaning , gave them hope for a brighter future . Their hope infected Mr . Barnes . The Businessman , he felt , would not let him until his great task was accomplished . He had never been happier . In the meantime , Milena became a model . She graced the covers of magazines around the world . She became the latest muse of a fashion designer . Objectively , she was one of the most perfect women he 'd ever seen in the flesh . She looked like a walking Photoshop . And yet … he remembered the old Milena , the crooked nose and overlapping teeth , the light in her eyes , and her laugh , bubbly and infectious . He had not seen her laugh once since her metamorphosis . No matter . In a few minutes , a man would tap him on the shoulder and usher him into a small room . The Businessman was waiting there , waiting to help our protagonist design his new life . He 'd puzzled over it for months now . How muscular did he want to be ? How much money was too much ? He wanted ten cars , but which ten ? Any more was just overkill … and there were so many mansions to choose from , so many women dying to become his companions … Of course there was a price , but it was a reasonable one . He didn 't think about it much . Soon he would have a new life and everything would change . If he was lucky , he would never get used to it . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . Crossing the Reflection January 1 , 2015 ~ williameck ~ Leave a comment In a few minutes , the machine would warm up again , and his mother would come back to life . In the meantime he was alone in the dark with his thoughts . He didn 't like that . He didn 't like this whole process , but it was worth it for the moment when he saw her again . He removed the headset . Objects slowly differentiated themselves in the darkness . He saw the moonlight bending itself along the contours of the couch , a diffuse silver spreading out evenly over the matte surface of a nail file , a few stars opening in the small window in front of him . The ice cubes had already melted in his glass . The whiskey was lukewarm . Stan sighed and took the headphone away from his ear . He could hear the small , tinny sound of Melissa lecturing him as he rubbed his eyes . He could also hear her muffled voice coming from the other side of the door . In the living room , his mother 's shell was staring into space . Her eyes were glossy and vacant . Nurse Ross was pressing the oxygen mask to her face . " She doesn 't recognize me , " he said weakly . The shell 's eyes followed him as he walked towards her . He knelt down in front of her and held her hand . It felt incredibly small and delicate , like bones wrapped in tissue paper . Stan stood up and walked away . He pitied the being trapped inside his mother 's body . It didn 't know who it was , where it was or its reason for living . It was almost certainly in pain . Sometimes he wanted to smash its head in with a rock and end its misery - but he could never kill anything that looked so much like his mother . He walked to Melissa and hugged her for almost a minute . When Stan returned to the dark room , a tinny , familiar voice called for him from the headset . He put it on and saw his mother 's worried face . Her eyes - her real eyes - met his . " You had better not , " she said . Her eyes twinkled , just like they used to . Stan hugged her and pulled her close to him , but he felt only empty air in his arms . " Merry Christmas , " Gerald said , out loud , to himself . Carlie was already up and making breakfast . He reached out to feel her warmth still trapped underneath the blankets . A sharp corner met his hand . For a moment he plunged into a gestaltic limbo , trying to reconcile the sharp corners and flat edges of the mysterious object with his expectations of softness and warmth . He opened his eyes . They focused on a red box , wrapped with a white bow , placed underneath the covers , where Carlie slept . Gerald sat up in bed and placed the box in his lap . It was surprisingly heavy . Its label read , in neat , printed script , " Open me if you dare . " " Honey , " Gerald called out . " Honey , come here . I found your present . " She didn 't answer . He could hear her pacing back and forth in the kitchen . The sound of pots banging , plates clinking together , and water running in the sink told him that breakfast was almost ready . He untied the bow and tore through the wrapping paper , revealing a small Chinese take - out box . He laughed and unclasped the lid . Images flew across his mind 's eye faster than he could take them in . He traveled through seven places before he could catch his breath , battlefields and landscapes and endless crowds , with desolation following ecstasy and preceding unbounded rage . He felt many things in quick succession : a bullet clinking against his helmet , the cold body of his only child in his arms , soft wet sand in the spaces between his toes , the ground falling away underneath his plane , the sound of a thousand voices lifted together in one song , of his own voice merging and joining with theirs , and countless births and deaths , every one of them painful . For a moment , Gerald flew above his own mind . He felt , rather than saw , the whole pattern of these ceaseless impressions . His inner world filled with light . Then something in his mind snapped , the light fell away , and all was insensate darkness . Breakfast was ready . Carlie walked into the bedroom and looked at Gerald . He was sitting up in bed , with one hand thrust in a Chinese takeout box on his lap . Gerald didn 't return her gaze , even when she said his name . She slowly walked to the bed , calling his name and reaching out to him . When Carlie touched his shoulder , Gerald 's head jerked up and he gasped , making her jump back . " I 'm sorry , " Gerald mumbled in a voice not his own . He didn 't look at Carlie . He didn 't look at anything . He fell from the bed onto the floor , muttering in a language Carlie didn 't recognize - - if it was a language . The old Gerald , as Carlie would come to call him , never returned . A bumbling , incoherent , unpredictable figure took his place . This Gerald would go on to lose his job , then their apartment , then Carlie herself . Maybe it was a seizure , the doctors would tell her . Maybe a localized stroke of some kind . His brain is visually normal and healthy . This is just one of these cases that baffles medical science , one doctor would tell her . When Carlie would finally leave Gerald on his parent 's front porch , she would have no story to tell about their lives together , no explanation for their experiences . She would walk away from Gerald with nothing but sadness and unanswered questions . In the moment , as she helped Gerald get to his feet , no presentiment of the future entered her mind . The Chinese takeout box slid to the floor , next to some torn - up wrapping paper . When Carlie returned from the hospital to get Gerald 's medication from his bedside table , she didn 't notice that the box and the wrapping paper were both missing . Only a small white ribbon remained on the bed . Carlie threw it out , and never thought about it again . " He 's just gone , " Margo sobbed into the phone . " Last night he got up around three a . m . and I don 't think he came back to bed . When I woke up this morning , he wasn 't there . " " Why would he get Chinese food ? " Margo said . " We have more leftovers than we can eat in a month . And he left his phone by the bed ! " " This … type of an ending to their relationship , " David explained . " Carl 's the kind of guy who hates any emotional scene . I know he 's been bored for awhile , and … I know he 's done this kind of thing before . " " I 'm just saying . It wouldn 't surprise me if he leased an apartment somewhere across town . With any luck , he 'll call me later today to go get his stuff . " " Be right there , sweetie ! " David yelled back , not taking his eyes off his wife . Sarah glared at him for a moment before opening the door . It was nearly five o ' clock when Sarah came over . Margo was still crying . She was sitting curled up on a couch in the living room with the lights off . The Christmas presents were still wrapped underneath and around the tree . Sarah tried not to look at them . " I called the police , " Margo sobbed . " I called his mother . Nobody 's heard from him , but it 's too early to file a report . " Sarah got up to turn on the light when one of the presents began snoring . She froze . She turned to see if Margo had suddenly dropped off to sleep - - but Margo 's eyes were wide open and fixed on Sarah 's . They both turned to look at the tree . There was a large box , larger than all the rest , wrapped in red with a large white bow on the top . Sarah went to it and lifted its lid , then jumped back . " There 's a man in the box ! " she yelled , and for an agony the two women looked at each other , eyes wide with terror . They stumbled together into the kitchen . The snoring had stopped . " It could be Carl , " Margo mouthed to Sarah , who shook her head . Margo went to grab a knife when she saw a letter left on the counter , in a nearly unreadable hand . It wasn 't there that morning . Margo picked up the note with her other hand and read it . Merry Christmas . I 've taken your boyfriend and left you a better one instead . Let 's face it , Margo , Carl was a bit of a drag . He was aimless , he was boring , he had no interests or hobbies . I never fleshed him out or gave him any depth . He didn 't move the story along at all . The best thing he ever did was disappear . You 'll like Henry a lot better . He 's kind , he 's considerate , he 's always neat and tidy . But there 's something off about him , something you can 't quite put your finger on . I 'm not going to spoil your own story for you , but rest assured that when it 's all over , you 'll wish you had a man that would only bore you to tears . Go into the living room and drop this letter into the fireplace . If you do , I promise you you 'll forget all of this unpleasantness . I 'm giving you a new story , Margo . Embrace it . Glad Tidings , Sarah screamed at Margo not to go into the living room . The 911 dispatcher reassured Sarah that police were on their way , but she didn 't hear him . Sarah ran into the room after Margo , only to see her friend staring blankly into the fire . " I almost forgot , " he said , and handed Margo a present . Margo blushed and covered her smile with her hands . The package was small and red , with a big white bow on top . Margo shrieked as she untied the bow , revealing a small black box . Sarah watched Henry get down on one knee . Someone on the other end of the cordless phone was bellowing . Sarah put the phone to her ear and heard a man 's voice calling to her . " Can you hear me ? " the voice asked . " I need you to respond . Help is on the way . " It was a strange voice , not David 's , not anyone else 's that she knew of . Red and blue lights flashed outside . Sarah felt the phone drop from her hands . This was the happiest moment in her friend 's life , and yet it all felt wrong and out of place . The world faded to black . " Don 't thank me , " Henry said . " You 've made me happier than any man on earth . I can 't help thinking there 's someone up there looking out for us , who wants us to be incredibly , indescribably happy . " They didn 't notice Sarah until her body planked forward into the living room . They were both running to her when the front door burst open behind them . For a moment , time seemed to slow down and almost come to a stop ; Margo felt as if she 'd been dropped into a world that she didn 't belong in . And then it passed , Margo turned to look , and the story continued . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . The Fate of All Mankind December 23 , 2014January 17 , 2015 ~ williameck ~ 1 Comment It was two weeks since Harold Warsh had come back to life . His rejoining the human race had been something of an accident , owing to the extreme cold , the stillness of the lake he fell into , and the dexterity of a team of doctors at Sutter General . He had been dead for three days . " We 'll talk about it later , " he lied . Harold didn 't want to talk about it at all , least of all with Junior . Harold stared straight ahead . The game was on , and he forced his mind to focus on it . The 49ers vs . the Patriots . He used to root for the Patriots . Junior started tugging on his sleeve . " Ow , " Harold said . " Don 't do that . " The boy sat at his feet , playing with a wind - up man . Harold 's mind would not focus , even when the tv deafened him . The bell of the hallway clock rang out five times . He gave up the game and watched his son . His son . Fear jolted through him like an electric current . Sweat poured out of him in waves . He tried to get up , forgetting that he couldn 't walk . He sunk into his chair , helpless . " Junior , go see your mother , " Harold tried to say , but the words came out wrong . He tried again , but his tongue lolled in his mouth . It didn 't matter ; something of this message passed between them . Junior got up and ran into the other room . In the first , delirious week of new life , before he remembered who he was , Harold Warsh had asked for a priest . A priest had come . He had no memory of their meeting , and only learned about it when Diane asked him about it one night , after Junior went to bed . " I can 't imagine what we talked about , " Harold said . " Maybe I wanted some perspective , or had a message to convey . I don 't remember now . " He tried to tell her with his eyes , don 't talk about this . Don 't ask . It didn 't work . She stared at him , imploring , uncomprehending . He took his eyes away from hers . " Do you want to go to church ? " she asked him . He hadn 't responded . That Sunday , he sat in his wheelchair , trying to pay attention through the first reading , the second reading , the sermon . The priest was a South Asian man ; between his accent and the reverb of the church 's sound system , Harold couldn 't understand a single word the man was saying . After the sermon was over , dozens of lookie - loos and well - wishers came up to him , smiling too brightly , speaking to him like a child , gawking and whispering while he talked . A child asked him what it was like to die . Everyone turned their faces to Harold , even the mother shushing her child . He smiled and ruffled the boy 's hair . " Thank you for coming this morning , " he said , " I am delighted to meet you both . My name is Father Giridharan - - Gih - rid - ha - ran . This is my first week in this diocese after two decades in England . " Without the reverb , his voice was intelligible again . " How are you both doing this morning ? " Diane talked over her husband . Father Giridharan sat back in his chair and listened , giving them both a pained smile . They trailed off , first Diane , then Harold . Diane bit her knuckle . Sobs coursed through her body . Harold tried to wheel his chair closer to her , to reach out to her , to reassure her somehow . His wheel caught on something he could not see . Father Giridharan was now at his wife 's side , putting his hand on her shoulder . Harold worked frantically but his wheelchair would not budge . Father Giridharan walked Diane out of the office ; for what seemed like hours , Harold was alone , listening to the mingled murmuring of their two voices , hers plaintive and his reassuring . He tried to see what was holding him in place , but his neck would not move the way he wanted it to . He stared at a crucifix hanging on the wall between two bookshelves . Jesus ' head was turned down and his face was shrouded in shadow ; Harold could not read its expression . " Father , " he began . " I haven 't told anyone what I saw when I was dead . That was because I couldn 't . I couldn 't let the world laugh at me . Even as it was happening , I was convinced that I would wake up at any moment . And yet it felt so real , it felt more real than reality . The things I saw were clearer than you are now , sitting in front of me . " I can remember the water surrounding me and pulling me deep below its surface . I remember my fists banging against the ice . I never wanted anything more than I wanted to breathe . But I couldn 't breathe . And then I was falling . " I fell through a lightless tunnel , with snarling faces breathing on mine , voices whispering and laughing . There were voices everywhere , even inside my own thoughts , snickering at me , echoing my darkest thoughts and fears , mocking my love for my wife and my son , pulling up memories of past indignities and pains . I knew that there would be no end to it , to the pain and the voices and the violation of my mind . " The darkness slowly lifted , or my eyes adjusted to what little light there was . I looked down , and I saw I was falling towards an enormous machine , extending throughout the length and breadth of the visible universe . The machine was churning through great masses of material , which came away from it in tiny clumps . It took just seconds to reach it , and every second was a century . I fell into it headfirst . I felt myself ripped apart by enormous , cold , metal teeth . Every part of me was still alive - if you 'll pardon the expression - and each piece felt keenly its own separation from the whole . " I saw nothing after this . I felt every atom of my soul divided from itself , whirling through a boundless space … and then I felt myself re - constituted as a gear somewhere deep in the belly of the machine . The noise was tremendous . My new body spun and churned through an endless mass of souls . I tasted their fear and horror , I felt them break apart underneath me . Every atom of my soul wished to stop moving , and I couldn 't stop moving . All of my strength was powerless against the combined pressure of all the gears and levers and pumps pushing and whirring and pressing around me . And they , too , I realized , wished to stop it , but could not . " There was a desperate kind of hope . Surely this would stop ; yet it didn 't stop . Someone would come and shut it off ; nobody came . This machine had been so expertly designed that no soul could escape it , not even , I believed , the righteous ones . And I felt such horror at this , such unbounded pity , that I became numb ; I did not accept this horror into my heart , but in my actions I accepted it . And I ceased to wish for it to stop . " I came to in the hospital , and for a moment I thought the light of the hospital was the final , merciful torture , that my agony at long last was complete ; and then I saw a human face , and knew I was not dead , and woke up a week later in my own bed . I have no other memory of that first week . God knows what I told the other priest . " Father Giridharan had turned quite motionless and pale during Mr . Warsh 's narrative . His hands hovered unmoving above his chair 's armrests . For a moment there was silence , a silence so deep that even Mrs . Warsh , who had tried to interpret her husband 's mutterings from the other side of the door , did not even dare to breathe . " You have just experienced a great shock , " Father Giridharan said . " I am referring , of course , to your death and revival . I can tell you , Mr . Warsh , that Satan is a liar , and many of your perceptions - your conviction that even the righteous could not escape this machine you describe - were based on distorted and false information presented by him . That said , we can 't rule out physiological explanations - - " " - - Don 't tell me about physiological explanations ! " Harold interjected . " Didn 't you read about me in the papers ? No brain activity , they said . No brain activity for three days under the ice . I should be dead right now , I should be under the ice still , I should be one more cog in that enormous machine , churning through soul after soul … " Maybe I still am there , " Harold said in a quiet voice , so quiet that Father Giridharan and Mrs . Warsh both leaned forward to hear him . " Every time I sleep , it comes back to me . Maybe this is my sleep … perhaps there 's sleep everywhere , even in hell . After all , God is merciful . " Father Giridharan paused before he spoke . " Mister Warsh , " he said , making his voice as gentle as possible , " I do not know if what you experienced was a vision , a hallucination or a genuine glimpse of life after death . But I do know that God has saved you from it for a reason . And I believe that you only have to ask God to be saved and salvation will be given you . If you are willing , I will take your confession and offer you absolution . " To the unsaved , the pure light of God 's love causes unbearable pain . ' Light shines in darkness , and darkness could not overpower it . ' And there is no way to overpower God , to be free of Him . It is only in perfect obedience to God that man finds freedom . " The fate of all mankind is to do God 's will . No man can escape from that ; even the most sinful men serve His ends in ways we do not understand . Your experience of being torn apart , rebuilt , and compelled to move by an inescapable force - - this all may reflect how the unsaved perceive the will of God , which they can neither halt nor change . Like the light of God , the workings of His will are torture to the disobedient . Think of this nightmare as a warning from God , as a call to return to the truth . If you do , you may never have to endure such tortures again . " " It 's possible , " Harold said , " That you 're right . I don 't believe it , but it 's as good an explanation as any . " His voice had become thick - tongued again , and he struggled to speak . " I 'll take conf - - confession . It couldn 't hurt . And there is so much to confess . " " I just wish you 'd let me in , Harold , " she said . " Just tell me something , anything , about what you went through . I can 't help you if you won 't even talk to me . " The world outside was covered in gray slush . A few trees housed banks of snow in their branches . The rains would come soon , and then it would be spring . They drove past Greenwood Park . Two boys shrieked with delight as they ran through the slush . Harold followed their movements until the car turned on River Street and the boys ran out of sight . That night , the whole family ate macaroni and cheese for dinner . Harold barely touched his . At 7 : 00 sharp , the night nurse arrived to take Harold 's vitals , draw his blood , and give him his medication . " Don 't worry , Diane , " the nurse said in the hallway . " You are doing a fantastic job of looking after your husband . It may not seem like it at the moment , but things will get better . In a few years , you 'll look back at this time and see how far you 've come . And you 'll be so grateful that he 's alive . " Mrs . Warsh stayed up late that night , looking out the window at the trees in the backyard . Occasionally a wind would blow through them , sending fine powdery snow cascading through the air . She could hear the hum of the freeway over the hill , and the soft clink of the neighbor 's wind chimes in the breeze . Inside , the refrigerator rumbled to a halt , and she could hear the slow , deliberate turning of the gears inside the hallway clock . Any minute now the bell would ring . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . Do You Believe in Fairies ? December 15 , 2014December 15 , 2014 ~ williameck ~ 1 Comment The planet glowed in the darkness beneath them . Some fluorescent chemical in the ocean made large fractalized patterns of green light dance across its surface . This planet was known as the Shining Maiden , but to them it was just B720 - C3 , another territory to claim and analyze . Like most planets , it was lethal without the right protection . The crew had to put on special suits when they entered its atmosphere . There were rumors of men going insane , of wandering off from the group and vanishing from sight , the instant they breathed its air ; there were rumors of strange creatures that lived within the water that would shoot a deadly poison at anyone who came near them . One operations technician was rumored to have spent seven hours screaming before he finally died from shock . Vrone didn 't know , or care , about these legends ; their job would either be boring or fatal , and he wasn 't sure if he cared which one it was . Vrone didn 't know how long he 'd been enlisted , only that he 'd signed up for each re - enlistment when it was offered to him . Time didn 't seem to mean very much when you drifted through space . His job , though lowly , was well - paid and dangerous enough to warrant a certain respect from the other crew members . The " Reconaissance Techicians , " or " Recon Team " as they were usually called , had to go on foot through an entire territory to make sure that the glass birds and eye - spiders weren 't recording any false information , or " false pickups " as they were called in the rather ugly argot of the Military Intelligence Office . There had never been any false pickups in his entire career , and for years he had half - hoped that there would be ; now he was beyond hoping . What did it matter ? If he died , all he owned would go to his mother and someone else would take his place . The entire Recon crew went silent when they landed . It would be hours , even days before they could open the latch and explore ; through the bowels of the ship , they could hear orders being barked and boots squeaking against the floor . Vrone closed his eyes and imagined the flocks of glass birds flying noiselessly off into the sky , to the eye spiders fanning out from the underbelly of the ship , feet clicking across the dark ground beneath . " Who knows , " said the suit blankly . From the voice , Vrone could tell that it belonged to Ranfin . " Probably the same thing as always - - collect data , collect the machines , some light espionage if we 're lucky … the usual , you know . " Vrone got up and looked out of the porthole . Outside , dust swirled across a barren , undulating stretch of dirt . A jagged mountain denuded of its soil rose over them in the middle distance ; Vrone thought of the outline it would make against the stars in the night sky , and felt lonely . " Pretty much , " Ranfin replied . " There 's some plant life deep in the ocean … allegedly . And you saw that glowing muck . We 're on Beach Island though , so we 'll at least get to see some of the water . Nothing living though … we hope . " The door opened . The four men fell into formation , and walked onto the island . Something stepped across Vrone 's shoe , which nearly made him jump ; even in the half - light , he could see it was an eye - spider creeping across the ground . Vrone had never liked the eye - spiders . Once one had felt his exposed ankle and he 'd nearly jumped through the ceiling of the ship ; he 'd never forget the soft stroke of its foot as long as he lived . In the distance he saw the ocean , glowing with an unreal green light in large patches ; even in the tepid daylight it was clearly visible . He imagined this light was somehow watching him , and then chided himself for personifying things . A soft click in his ear let Vrone know that base had just pinged his location ; he imagined them looking through the camera on his helmet , and had half a mind to do a cartwheel just to make them dizzy . " Any signs of life ? Over , " a bored voice asked in his left ear . He pressed a button on the side of his helmet to talk to base . " Something 's been here , " Kygof said in Vrone 's other ear . Vrone shuddered ; Kygof had a horrible habit of coming up behind people and scaring them when they least expected it . They had learned how to handle being startled , and Vrone 's hand was over his mouth - or where his mouth was , behind his suit - before he could think . " I don 't know what , exactly , " Kygof continued , unfazed . " My unconscious senses are telling me something that I can 't interpret . There 's just a feeling here that I don 't get on other planets . It doesn 't feel quite dead to me . You know ? " " It 's nerves , " Vrone said . " We all have it . All those rumors about this planet … if you keep believing in them , you 'll invent something to be afraid of , even when it isn 't there . " " Oh God , it 's one of those planets ? " he said , his voice saturated with fear . " We 're on a veldt ? My sister was sent to one when - - " They covered the eastern part of the island in silence . The sun set . The silhouette of the rock against the stars made Vrone feel even lonelier than he 'd imagined it would . The sound of the ocean was everywhere now , and in the light the foaming crests of the waves glowed underneath the stars . " There 's no one , " Vrone said , more to himself than anyone else ; no one looked up . They came to the beach again . Something small gleamed in the sand , right at the waterline ; it moved with the waves , falling out and coming in with them , like a piece of driftwood . Vrone moved toward it and picked it up . " Stop ! " Harjo whispered , but he was too late . Vrone held it up to the light ; it was transparent , cylindrical , apparently hollow , with something translucent and rolled up inside of it . Something dark and solid was covering its smaller end . " Just toss it , " Kygof said at his shoulder . " What if it 's a bomb ? We can 't bring a bomb back to base . If we weren 't killed by the blast , we 'd be killed by Lieutenant Diamond - maker . " " I know that Kygof , " Vrone said patiently . " That 's why I 'm going to send out a discovery signal , all right ? And don 't do that . " " So what ? " the Lieutenant said . " It 's the night sky . We 're monitoring it back here . Are you even doing your jobs ? " " It 's an unidentified object , sir , " Vrone explained . Halfway through his description , a swarm of glass birds flew soundlessly through the sky above them and hovered around Vrone . Each one shined a bright blue light at the object , which glowed and reflected their lights . The Lieutenant clicked off . Vrone slowly bent over and put the bottle down on the ground . The birds swarmed over it before he 'd even taken his hand away , knocking him off balance ; the edge of one wing skinned the back of his hand as he fell . He brought up his hand to the light and saw small crescent tears in the fabric , behind which his flesh gleamed . A foul odor reached his nose . Vrone came to with a searing vision of light boring into his pupils . He blinked it away and sat up on a cot , dressed in a flimsy garment . He saw a painting of a lily on the wall opposite him . He knew that painting . He was in the spaceship again , on the hospital wing . " You had a pretty nasty scare there , " someone said from the doorway . He looked over ; a man he didn 't recognize was standing in the door , watching him . " We thought you were gone . " " Something technical from Bode 's Galaxy , " the linguist said . " It was mainly used by researchers during the terraforming process . If I 'm right , that is . We might just be reading pictures in static . " My name is Erwin Michaels . I live with my mommy and daddy and my seven sisters on an island . I am the oldest boy and the third oldest after my sisters Vera and Rose . This is my message in a bottle for you to read , please if you can write me a letter and send it back , you can send it : When you write me back can you tell me about yourself ? Waht do you do ? Where did you find this letter ? I am in [ sixth ? ] grade and I am [ eleven ? ] years old . What is your favorite food ? Mine is Red Sea Salmon . I like games and learning languages and my stuffed animal , Pile . Do you believe in fairies ? Because I do . I saw one once in the garden , hiding under a toadstool . Mom told me I was just imagining it , but Ellen and Vera saw it too , and I heard at school that Jorah had seen one hiding in the mouse hole at her father 's house . She says they come out of the forest , but I know the truth . They come out of the ocean . Hopefully they will read this message and pass it along to you , because I would like to hear from you or hear from someone . " Delighted to hear it , " the linguist said , " But it doesn 't help us much . East Basdovia is an island … on a planet in another galaxy . Nowhere near this one . And when I say nowhere near … " The linguist shrugged . " It could be , " he said dubiously , " There are some weird similarities between the two planets . People seem to go missing on both of them . But we have no record of intelligent life on this planet . Just some plant life at the bottom of the ocean , where temperatures are most amenable to it . Nothing sentient enough to write a letter and send it in a bottle . " " A remnant from some other ship , " Vrone volunteered . " Someone 's son or daughter asked him to send a message in a bottle . Or he brought it out with him to the beach and it got lost . Or some ship crashed in the ocean and we got a remnant . " " That 's out of my wheelhouse , " the linguist said . " It would take us ages to figure out who 's been here and when . But we might have to do it . " Vrone looked at the letter again . Something about it seemed strange . How did he know a child wrote this ? Maybe an adult wrote it to seem childlike , or a teenager made it as some sort of prank . " That 's a speculative translation , " the linguist said . " This word " - - he pointed to something on the screen - - " means some kind of supernatural being , one that 's both small and terrifying . That 's all I know . I 'll have to send this to one of my colleagues to get confirmation . But in the meantime , think of it as a small flying animal that never dies . " When Vrone turned around , the Admiral was staring at him . Everyone went silent again ; a small voice sang out , " You 're in trou - ble . " He heard them snicker as he left the room . " That 's you , " the Admiral said , " Being a dumbass and grabbing an unidentified piece of space junk without following proper procedure . If you didn 't have connections I 'd be sending you home right now . As it is I just have to give you a warning . " You need to stay in the hospital wing , " the Admiral continued . " Your suit was breached while out on patrol . We still don 't know what effect the atmosphere has had on you . We don 't know why you 're … frankly , why you 're still alive . " The Admiral laughed and put his hand on Vrone 's shoulder . " It 's not like that , " he explained . " We just need you to be there … in case anything happens to you . We want to keep an eye on you . For study . " Vrone thought about what he 'd seen . How did such a message get to this remote hellscape with no intelligent life ? His mind 's eye returned to the jagged mountain stretching overhead , the bare earth and the gusts of sand that blew with the wind , and he thought of the small tears in his suit made by the bird 's wing as it swooped down . That should never have happened ; glass birds are programmed not to injure anyone in their way . Erwin 's message turned over and over in his head . Vrone woke up in utter darkness . At first he thought he had put his blindfold on , but there was nothing over his face . Occasionally they turned the lights down in one part of the ship to save power - - but there were no lights on anywhere now . Even the display lights were turned off . He got up warily and felt his way down the bed ; something urged him not to call out . He slowly got to his feet . He was still naked under a sheet . Outside in the corridor he heard nothing , not even snoring or the hum of machines . There was a faint , foul odor over everything . / that he hadn 't noticed before . Outside the windows he saw nothing , not even the sand or the stars , not even the reflection of the glowing waters . His flashlight cast a small , diffuse beam of light over the corridor . He slipped into his suit , expecting at every turn to come across a pile of corpses or writhing figures . Nothing . One room glowed with light that seemed supernaturally bright in the gloom . Vrone turned off his flashlight and warily made his way towards it . There was a sound , from everywhere at once , like a great gong clanging around him and through him . Then the ship seemed to shift about fifteen degrees , sending Vrone careering through the air and skidding across the floor . He thought they were eye spiders at first . They were impossibly tiny , no bigger than the palm of his hand , with small glowing bodies in the shapes of hourglasses . They glowed . He thought of fireflies , those tiny creatures his father told him about , of the small capsules they sometimes saw out of the windows , the bigger ones zooming off into space . He thought of the words of the linguist , of Ranfin , of the Admiral . " It 's a dream , " Vrone said aloud . " Maybe an effect of the atmosphere . It 's taking its toll on my mind . But the doctors are looking after me , and I 'll be all right . " Nothing answered him or responded ; he felt less reassured than ever . Another clang , another shift . Vrone was now wedged against the wall , far away from the mouth of the glowing room . " It 's nothing , " he said to the empty air in front of him . " In a moment I 'll come to . It 'll be daytime again . And then it will be night time , the kind of night time where one can see the stars . " " I won 't be scared , " Vrone declared . " It 's been a strange day for all of us . This mood - this feeling - it 'll go away . " He blinked , and it was night outside . In the distance he saw the foam - capped waves swelling against the beach , and almost cried from seeing it . The foul odor was stronger now , but he knew that as long as he could see out the window , everything would be fine . There were no glowing bodies . Do you believe in fairies ? Erwin had asked . He was trying to warn them . God bless him , however he knew , he was trying to warn him . Or perhaps they were trying to warn him . But it was too late now . |
Here are a few updates related to this blog and what is in store for its future . I haven 't ever written a post like this before , so please bear with me . - WE Continue reading → They were sitting at a table by the terrace 's edge . She had promised to come with him , to lend him moral support and social legitimacy . She supplied neither as she lit her fourth cigarette of the hour . He stopped babbling for a moment to take in the full splendor of her face ; her eyes met his with steely resolve . " Things change , " he said , " people just get used to them . Either that , or they don 't know how to handle the changes . " She rolled her eyes and looked away . " Well , " she said , " I tried . You might as well find out for yourself . " She got up , with her wine glass in one hand and the cigarette in the other , and walked away without looking at him . He watched the people around him . They were mostly ugly , but tonight they were happy and filled with a sense of possibility . In a few hours , they would all be young again , with completely new faces , houses , spouses , and even new minds . They were finally getting the lives they had always dreamed of . His model friend was too jaded to appreciate her good fortune . " The Businessman doesn 't make deals with just anyone , you know , " she told him six months ago . She wasn 't a model back then ; she couldn 't be one , not yet . He thought she was beautiful before her metamorphosis , even with her crooked nose and her two front teeth overlapping . Those little things kept her off the covers of magazines , but they made her more memorable . Now she was just a face among faces . Her smile no longer reached her eyes . He never learned how she met the Businessman . To meet him , you needed an introduction , an appointment , and something of value to offer . His office was at the topmost floor of the Sulgane Building , a tower of delicately arched steel beams and large panels of pink glass . Transients were always muttering to themselves by the entrance , unsettling the tourists trying to take pictures . She wangled him an appointment by " calling in a lot of favors . " " Don 't be late , " she 'd warned him ; he wasn 't . As soon as he arrived at the Sulgane , an elegant young woman ushered him into an elevator . She placed a key in the elevator 's control station ; it rocketed to the top of the building . By the time he caught his breath , he was standing in the middle of an office , facing a man sitting behind a desk . " Mr . Barnes , " the Businessman said . " Thank you for coming to see me today . " His voice , a smooth and cultured baritone , washed over his visitor like a wave . He smiled at his visitor , an engaging , intimate smile . " I know all about Milena , " he said dismissively . " I want to know about you . My time is worth a lot . Please don 't waste it . " " Milena told me that you can give people entirely new lives , " Mr . Barnes began . " You make them rich when they 're poor . You make them pretty when they 're ugly . You make a million people fall in love with a man , even if his own mother can 't stand him . You give them glamor and power when they don 't have a right to either . And the price is … well , she said it was ' modest . ' " " I see my reputation precedes me , " he chuckled . " Milena is right , of course - I can , and do , make incredible things happen . But I 'm afraid she may have misled you . The price is not modest , " he said , spitting out the last word like an olive pit . " I don 't believe in charging less than I 'm due . And a service like this has no equal , just as its price has no equal . " " Only a few people can truly pay for what I give them , " he continued . " Not because of any failure on my part . I have faith in every soul who crosses my threshold , but not all of them have faith in themselves . " He turned back to Mr . Barnes and locked eyes with him . " I canot do a thing for a man who won 't allow himself to be served , " he said . " It sounds silly , but it 's true . If you will put yourself in my hands , Mr . Barnes , I can open worlds for you , vistas of experience and pleasure beyond your powers of imagination . I can make anything happen for you that you desire . But I cannot lift a finger without your permission . If I am to assist you , you must believe in yourself , and trust in me . " Mr . Barnes did not quite follow this line of argument . He nodded anyway . An enormous smile broke over the businessman 's face , hiding his eyes behind a thousand wrinkles . He strode to Mr . Barnes and shook his hand . " Wonderful , " he said . " I 'm delighted to have you with me . Go home now - someone will call you with instructions very soon . When these instructions come , you must follow them to the letter , or I am powerless to give you what you desire . " Someone called Mr . Barnes the instant he came home , cordially inviting him to a party on Pierce Street . That was how it started . He 'd spent the past six months going to parties , soirees , salons , luncheons and other events where he felt enormously out of place . He 'd woken up in penthouses , mansions , hotel suites , even private jets ; he rarely slept alone . There were long stretches of time that passed without his knowing . He didn 't worry about them , even when he woke up in a sweat , unable or unwilling to remember his dreams . Everyone was at these parties - - everyone - - all of them united by a common purpose . Their work for the Businessman drew them together , gave their lives meaning , gave them hope for a brighter future . Their hope infected Mr . Barnes . The Businessman , he felt , would not let him until his great task was accomplished . He had never been happier . In the meantime , Milena became a model . She graced the covers of magazines around the world . She became the latest muse of a fashion designer . Objectively , she was one of the most perfect women he 'd ever seen in the flesh . She looked like a walking Photoshop . And yet … he remembered the old Milena , the crooked nose and overlapping teeth , the light in her eyes , and her laugh , bubbly and infectious . He had not seen her laugh once since her metamorphosis . No matter . In a few minutes , a man would tap him on the shoulder and usher him into a small room . The Businessman was waiting there , waiting to help our protagonist design his new life . He 'd puzzled over it for months now . How muscular did he want to be ? How much money was too much ? He wanted ten cars , but which ten ? Any more was just overkill … and there were so many mansions to choose from , so many women dying to become his companions … Of course there was a price , but it was a reasonable one . He didn 't think about it much . Soon he would have a new life and everything would change . If he was lucky , he would never get used to it . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . Crossing the Reflection January 1 , 2015 ~ williameck ~ Leave a comment In a few minutes , the machine would warm up again , and his mother would come back to life . In the meantime he was alone in the dark with his thoughts . He didn 't like that . He didn 't like this whole process , but it was worth it for the moment when he saw her again . He removed the headset . Objects slowly differentiated themselves in the darkness . He saw the moonlight bending itself along the contours of the couch , a diffuse silver spreading out evenly over the matte surface of a nail file , a few stars opening in the small window in front of him . The ice cubes had already melted in his glass . The whiskey was lukewarm . Stan sighed and took the headphone away from his ear . He could hear the small , tinny sound of Melissa lecturing him as he rubbed his eyes . He could also hear her muffled voice coming from the other side of the door . In the living room , his mother 's shell was staring into space . Her eyes were glossy and vacant . Nurse Ross was pressing the oxygen mask to her face . " She doesn 't recognize me , " he said weakly . The shell 's eyes followed him as he walked towards her . He knelt down in front of her and held her hand . It felt incredibly small and delicate , like bones wrapped in tissue paper . Stan stood up and walked away . He pitied the being trapped inside his mother 's body . It didn 't know who it was , where it was or its reason for living . It was almost certainly in pain . Sometimes he wanted to smash its head in with a rock and end its misery - but he could never kill anything that looked so much like his mother . He walked to Melissa and hugged her for almost a minute . When Stan returned to the dark room , a tinny , familiar voice called for him from the headset . He put it on and saw his mother 's worried face . Her eyes - her real eyes - met his . " You had better not , " she said . Her eyes twinkled , just like they used to . Stan hugged her and pulled her close to him , but he felt only empty air in his arms . " Merry Christmas , " Gerald said , out loud , to himself . Carlie was already up and making breakfast . He reached out to feel her warmth still trapped underneath the blankets . A sharp corner met his hand . For a moment he plunged into a gestaltic limbo , trying to reconcile the sharp corners and flat edges of the mysterious object with his expectations of softness and warmth . He opened his eyes . They focused on a red box , wrapped with a white bow , placed underneath the covers , where Carlie slept . Gerald sat up in bed and placed the box in his lap . It was surprisingly heavy . Its label read , in neat , printed script , " Open me if you dare . " " Honey , " Gerald called out . " Honey , come here . I found your present . " She didn 't answer . He could hear her pacing back and forth in the kitchen . The sound of pots banging , plates clinking together , and water running in the sink told him that breakfast was almost ready . He untied the bow and tore through the wrapping paper , revealing a small Chinese take - out box . He laughed and unclasped the lid . Images flew across his mind 's eye faster than he could take them in . He traveled through seven places before he could catch his breath , battlefields and landscapes and endless crowds , with desolation following ecstasy and preceding unbounded rage . He felt many things in quick succession : a bullet clinking against his helmet , the cold body of his only child in his arms , soft wet sand in the spaces between his toes , the ground falling away underneath his plane , the sound of a thousand voices lifted together in one song , of his own voice merging and joining with theirs , and countless births and deaths , every one of them painful . For a moment , Gerald flew above his own mind . He felt , rather than saw , the whole pattern of these ceaseless impressions . His inner world filled with light . Then something in his mind snapped , the light fell away , and all was insensate darkness . Breakfast was ready . Carlie walked into the bedroom and looked at Gerald . He was sitting up in bed , with one hand thrust in a Chinese takeout box on his lap . Gerald didn 't return her gaze , even when she said his name . She slowly walked to the bed , calling his name and reaching out to him . When Carlie touched his shoulder , Gerald 's head jerked up and he gasped , making her jump back . " I 'm sorry , " Gerald mumbled in a voice not his own . He didn 't look at Carlie . He didn 't look at anything . He fell from the bed onto the floor , muttering in a language Carlie didn 't recognize - - if it was a language . The old Gerald , as Carlie would come to call him , never returned . A bumbling , incoherent , unpredictable figure took his place . This Gerald would go on to lose his job , then their apartment , then Carlie herself . Maybe it was a seizure , the doctors would tell her . Maybe a localized stroke of some kind . His brain is visually normal and healthy . This is just one of these cases that baffles medical science , one doctor would tell her . When Carlie would finally leave Gerald on his parent 's front porch , she would have no story to tell about their lives together , no explanation for their experiences . She would walk away from Gerald with nothing but sadness and unanswered questions . In the moment , as she helped Gerald get to his feet , no presentiment of the future entered her mind . The Chinese takeout box slid to the floor , next to some torn - up wrapping paper . When Carlie returned from the hospital to get Gerald 's medication from his bedside table , she didn 't notice that the box and the wrapping paper were both missing . Only a small white ribbon remained on the bed . Carlie threw it out , and never thought about it again . " He 's just gone , " Margo sobbed into the phone . " Last night he got up around three a . m . and I don 't think he came back to bed . When I woke up this morning , he wasn 't there . " " Why would he get Chinese food ? " Margo said . " We have more leftovers than we can eat in a month . And he left his phone by the bed ! " " This … type of an ending to their relationship , " David explained . " Carl 's the kind of guy who hates any emotional scene . I know he 's been bored for awhile , and … I know he 's done this kind of thing before . " " I 'm just saying . It wouldn 't surprise me if he leased an apartment somewhere across town . With any luck , he 'll call me later today to go get his stuff . " " Be right there , sweetie ! " David yelled back , not taking his eyes off his wife . Sarah glared at him for a moment before opening the door . It was nearly five o ' clock when Sarah came over . Margo was still crying . She was sitting curled up on a couch in the living room with the lights off . The Christmas presents were still wrapped underneath and around the tree . Sarah tried not to look at them . " I called the police , " Margo sobbed . " I called his mother . Nobody 's heard from him , but it 's too early to file a report . " Sarah got up to turn on the light when one of the presents began snoring . She froze . She turned to see if Margo had suddenly dropped off to sleep - - but Margo 's eyes were wide open and fixed on Sarah 's . They both turned to look at the tree . There was a large box , larger than all the rest , wrapped in red with a large white bow on the top . Sarah went to it and lifted its lid , then jumped back . " There 's a man in the box ! " she yelled , and for an agony the two women looked at each other , eyes wide with terror . They stumbled together into the kitchen . The snoring had stopped . " It could be Carl , " Margo mouthed to Sarah , who shook her head . Margo went to grab a knife when she saw a letter left on the counter , in a nearly unreadable hand . It wasn 't there that morning . Margo picked up the note with her other hand and read it . Merry Christmas . I 've taken your boyfriend and left you a better one instead . Let 's face it , Margo , Carl was a bit of a drag . He was aimless , he was boring , he had no interests or hobbies . I never fleshed him out or gave him any depth . He didn 't move the story along at all . The best thing he ever did was disappear . You 'll like Henry a lot better . He 's kind , he 's considerate , he 's always neat and tidy . But there 's something off about him , something you can 't quite put your finger on . I 'm not going to spoil your own story for you , but rest assured that when it 's all over , you 'll wish you had a man that would only bore you to tears . Go into the living room and drop this letter into the fireplace . If you do , I promise you you 'll forget all of this unpleasantness . I 'm giving you a new story , Margo . Embrace it . Glad Tidings , Sarah screamed at Margo not to go into the living room . The 911 dispatcher reassured Sarah that police were on their way , but she didn 't hear him . Sarah ran into the room after Margo , only to see her friend staring blankly into the fire . " I almost forgot , " he said , and handed Margo a present . Margo blushed and covered her smile with her hands . The package was small and red , with a big white bow on top . Margo shrieked as she untied the bow , revealing a small black box . Sarah watched Henry get down on one knee . Someone on the other end of the cordless phone was bellowing . Sarah put the phone to her ear and heard a man 's voice calling to her . " Can you hear me ? " the voice asked . " I need you to respond . Help is on the way . " It was a strange voice , not David 's , not anyone else 's that she knew of . Red and blue lights flashed outside . Sarah felt the phone drop from her hands . This was the happiest moment in her friend 's life , and yet it all felt wrong and out of place . The world faded to black . " Don 't thank me , " Henry said . " You 've made me happier than any man on earth . I can 't help thinking there 's someone up there looking out for us , who wants us to be incredibly , indescribably happy . " They didn 't notice Sarah until her body planked forward into the living room . They were both running to her when the front door burst open behind them . For a moment , time seemed to slow down and almost come to a stop ; Margo felt as if she 'd been dropped into a world that she didn 't belong in . And then it passed , Margo turned to look , and the story continued . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . The Fate of All Mankind December 23 , 2014January 17 , 2015 ~ williameck ~ 1 Comment It was two weeks since Harold Warsh had come back to life . His rejoining the human race had been something of an accident , owing to the extreme cold , the stillness of the lake he fell into , and the dexterity of a team of doctors at Sutter General . He had been dead for three days . " We 'll talk about it later , " he lied . Harold didn 't want to talk about it at all , least of all with Junior . Harold stared straight ahead . The game was on , and he forced his mind to focus on it . The 49ers vs . the Patriots . He used to root for the Patriots . Junior started tugging on his sleeve . " Ow , " Harold said . " Don 't do that . " The boy sat at his feet , playing with a wind - up man . Harold 's mind would not focus , even when the tv deafened him . The bell of the hallway clock rang out five times . He gave up the game and watched his son . His son . Fear jolted through him like an electric current . Sweat poured out of him in waves . He tried to get up , forgetting that he couldn 't walk . He sunk into his chair , helpless . " Junior , go see your mother , " Harold tried to say , but the words came out wrong . He tried again , but his tongue lolled in his mouth . It didn 't matter ; something of this message passed between them . Junior got up and ran into the other room . In the first , delirious week of new life , before he remembered who he was , Harold Warsh had asked for a priest . A priest had come . He had no memory of their meeting , and only learned about it when Diane asked him about it one night , after Junior went to bed . " I can 't imagine what we talked about , " Harold said . " Maybe I wanted some perspective , or had a message to convey . I don 't remember now . " He tried to tell her with his eyes , don 't talk about this . Don 't ask . It didn 't work . She stared at him , imploring , uncomprehending . He took his eyes away from hers . " Do you want to go to church ? " she asked him . He hadn 't responded . That Sunday , he sat in his wheelchair , trying to pay attention through the first reading , the second reading , the sermon . The priest was a South Asian man ; between his accent and the reverb of the church 's sound system , Harold couldn 't understand a single word the man was saying . After the sermon was over , dozens of lookie - loos and well - wishers came up to him , smiling too brightly , speaking to him like a child , gawking and whispering while he talked . A child asked him what it was like to die . Everyone turned their faces to Harold , even the mother shushing her child . He smiled and ruffled the boy 's hair . " Thank you for coming this morning , " he said , " I am delighted to meet you both . My name is Father Giridharan - - Gih - rid - ha - ran . This is my first week in this diocese after two decades in England . " Without the reverb , his voice was intelligible again . " How are you both doing this morning ? " Diane talked over her husband . Father Giridharan sat back in his chair and listened , giving them both a pained smile . They trailed off , first Diane , then Harold . Diane bit her knuckle . Sobs coursed through her body . Harold tried to wheel his chair closer to her , to reach out to her , to reassure her somehow . His wheel caught on something he could not see . Father Giridharan was now at his wife 's side , putting his hand on her shoulder . Harold worked frantically but his wheelchair would not budge . Father Giridharan walked Diane out of the office ; for what seemed like hours , Harold was alone , listening to the mingled murmuring of their two voices , hers plaintive and his reassuring . He tried to see what was holding him in place , but his neck would not move the way he wanted it to . He stared at a crucifix hanging on the wall between two bookshelves . Jesus ' head was turned down and his face was shrouded in shadow ; Harold could not read its expression . " Father , " he began . " I haven 't told anyone what I saw when I was dead . That was because I couldn 't . I couldn 't let the world laugh at me . Even as it was happening , I was convinced that I would wake up at any moment . And yet it felt so real , it felt more real than reality . The things I saw were clearer than you are now , sitting in front of me . " I can remember the water surrounding me and pulling me deep below its surface . I remember my fists banging against the ice . I never wanted anything more than I wanted to breathe . But I couldn 't breathe . And then I was falling . " I fell through a lightless tunnel , with snarling faces breathing on mine , voices whispering and laughing . There were voices everywhere , even inside my own thoughts , snickering at me , echoing my darkest thoughts and fears , mocking my love for my wife and my son , pulling up memories of past indignities and pains . I knew that there would be no end to it , to the pain and the voices and the violation of my mind . " The darkness slowly lifted , or my eyes adjusted to what little light there was . I looked down , and I saw I was falling towards an enormous machine , extending throughout the length and breadth of the visible universe . The machine was churning through great masses of material , which came away from it in tiny clumps . It took just seconds to reach it , and every second was a century . I fell into it headfirst . I felt myself ripped apart by enormous , cold , metal teeth . Every part of me was still alive - if you 'll pardon the expression - and each piece felt keenly its own separation from the whole . " I saw nothing after this . I felt every atom of my soul divided from itself , whirling through a boundless space … and then I felt myself re - constituted as a gear somewhere deep in the belly of the machine . The noise was tremendous . My new body spun and churned through an endless mass of souls . I tasted their fear and horror , I felt them break apart underneath me . Every atom of my soul wished to stop moving , and I couldn 't stop moving . All of my strength was powerless against the combined pressure of all the gears and levers and pumps pushing and whirring and pressing around me . And they , too , I realized , wished to stop it , but could not . " There was a desperate kind of hope . Surely this would stop ; yet it didn 't stop . Someone would come and shut it off ; nobody came . This machine had been so expertly designed that no soul could escape it , not even , I believed , the righteous ones . And I felt such horror at this , such unbounded pity , that I became numb ; I did not accept this horror into my heart , but in my actions I accepted it . And I ceased to wish for it to stop . " I came to in the hospital , and for a moment I thought the light of the hospital was the final , merciful torture , that my agony at long last was complete ; and then I saw a human face , and knew I was not dead , and woke up a week later in my own bed . I have no other memory of that first week . God knows what I told the other priest . " Father Giridharan had turned quite motionless and pale during Mr . Warsh 's narrative . His hands hovered unmoving above his chair 's armrests . For a moment there was silence , a silence so deep that even Mrs . Warsh , who had tried to interpret her husband 's mutterings from the other side of the door , did not even dare to breathe . " You have just experienced a great shock , " Father Giridharan said . " I am referring , of course , to your death and revival . I can tell you , Mr . Warsh , that Satan is a liar , and many of your perceptions - your conviction that even the righteous could not escape this machine you describe - were based on distorted and false information presented by him . That said , we can 't rule out physiological explanations - - " " - - Don 't tell me about physiological explanations ! " Harold interjected . " Didn 't you read about me in the papers ? No brain activity , they said . No brain activity for three days under the ice . I should be dead right now , I should be under the ice still , I should be one more cog in that enormous machine , churning through soul after soul … " Maybe I still am there , " Harold said in a quiet voice , so quiet that Father Giridharan and Mrs . Warsh both leaned forward to hear him . " Every time I sleep , it comes back to me . Maybe this is my sleep … perhaps there 's sleep everywhere , even in hell . After all , God is merciful . " Father Giridharan paused before he spoke . " Mister Warsh , " he said , making his voice as gentle as possible , " I do not know if what you experienced was a vision , a hallucination or a genuine glimpse of life after death . But I do know that God has saved you from it for a reason . And I believe that you only have to ask God to be saved and salvation will be given you . If you are willing , I will take your confession and offer you absolution . " To the unsaved , the pure light of God 's love causes unbearable pain . ' Light shines in darkness , and darkness could not overpower it . ' And there is no way to overpower God , to be free of Him . It is only in perfect obedience to God that man finds freedom . " The fate of all mankind is to do God 's will . No man can escape from that ; even the most sinful men serve His ends in ways we do not understand . Your experience of being torn apart , rebuilt , and compelled to move by an inescapable force - - this all may reflect how the unsaved perceive the will of God , which they can neither halt nor change . Like the light of God , the workings of His will are torture to the disobedient . Think of this nightmare as a warning from God , as a call to return to the truth . If you do , you may never have to endure such tortures again . " " It 's possible , " Harold said , " That you 're right . I don 't believe it , but it 's as good an explanation as any . " His voice had become thick - tongued again , and he struggled to speak . " I 'll take conf - - confession . It couldn 't hurt . And there is so much to confess . " " I just wish you 'd let me in , Harold , " she said . " Just tell me something , anything , about what you went through . I can 't help you if you won 't even talk to me . " The world outside was covered in gray slush . A few trees housed banks of snow in their branches . The rains would come soon , and then it would be spring . They drove past Greenwood Park . Two boys shrieked with delight as they ran through the slush . Harold followed their movements until the car turned on River Street and the boys ran out of sight . That night , the whole family ate macaroni and cheese for dinner . Harold barely touched his . At 7 : 00 sharp , the night nurse arrived to take Harold 's vitals , draw his blood , and give him his medication . " Don 't worry , Diane , " the nurse said in the hallway . " You are doing a fantastic job of looking after your husband . It may not seem like it at the moment , but things will get better . In a few years , you 'll look back at this time and see how far you 've come . And you 'll be so grateful that he 's alive . " Mrs . Warsh stayed up late that night , looking out the window at the trees in the backyard . Occasionally a wind would blow through them , sending fine powdery snow cascading through the air . She could hear the hum of the freeway over the hill , and the soft clink of the neighbor 's wind chimes in the breeze . Inside , the refrigerator rumbled to a halt , and she could hear the slow , deliberate turning of the gears inside the hallway clock . Any minute now the bell would ring . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . Do You Believe in Fairies ? December 15 , 2014December 15 , 2014 ~ williameck ~ 1 Comment The planet glowed in the darkness beneath them . Some fluorescent chemical in the ocean made large fractalized patterns of green light dance across its surface . This planet was known as the Shining Maiden , but to them it was just B720 - C3 , another territory to claim and analyze . Like most planets , it was lethal without the right protection . The crew had to put on special suits when they entered its atmosphere . There were rumors of men going insane , of wandering off from the group and vanishing from sight , the instant they breathed its air ; there were rumors of strange creatures that lived within the water that would shoot a deadly poison at anyone who came near them . One operations technician was rumored to have spent seven hours screaming before he finally died from shock . Vrone didn 't know , or care , about these legends ; their job would either be boring or fatal , and he wasn 't sure if he cared which one it was . Vrone didn 't know how long he 'd been enlisted , only that he 'd signed up for each re - enlistment when it was offered to him . Time didn 't seem to mean very much when you drifted through space . His job , though lowly , was well - paid and dangerous enough to warrant a certain respect from the other crew members . The " Reconaissance Techicians , " or " Recon Team " as they were usually called , had to go on foot through an entire territory to make sure that the glass birds and eye - spiders weren 't recording any false information , or " false pickups " as they were called in the rather ugly argot of the Military Intelligence Office . There had never been any false pickups in his entire career , and for years he had half - hoped that there would be ; now he was beyond hoping . What did it matter ? If he died , all he owned would go to his mother and someone else would take his place . The entire Recon crew went silent when they landed . It would be hours , even days before they could open the latch and explore ; through the bowels of the ship , they could hear orders being barked and boots squeaking against the floor . Vrone closed his eyes and imagined the flocks of glass birds flying noiselessly off into the sky , to the eye spiders fanning out from the underbelly of the ship , feet clicking across the dark ground beneath . " Who knows , " said the suit blankly . From the voice , Vrone could tell that it belonged to Ranfin . " Probably the same thing as always - - collect data , collect the machines , some light espionage if we 're lucky … the usual , you know . " Vrone got up and looked out of the porthole . Outside , dust swirled across a barren , undulating stretch of dirt . A jagged mountain denuded of its soil rose over them in the middle distance ; Vrone thought of the outline it would make against the stars in the night sky , and felt lonely . " Pretty much , " Ranfin replied . " There 's some plant life deep in the ocean … allegedly . And you saw that glowing muck . We 're on Beach Island though , so we 'll at least get to see some of the water . Nothing living though … we hope . " The door opened . The four men fell into formation , and walked onto the island . Something stepped across Vrone 's shoe , which nearly made him jump ; even in the half - light , he could see it was an eye - spider creeping across the ground . Vrone had never liked the eye - spiders . Once one had felt his exposed ankle and he 'd nearly jumped through the ceiling of the ship ; he 'd never forget the soft stroke of its foot as long as he lived . In the distance he saw the ocean , glowing with an unreal green light in large patches ; even in the tepid daylight it was clearly visible . He imagined this light was somehow watching him , and then chided himself for personifying things . A soft click in his ear let Vrone know that base had just pinged his location ; he imagined them looking through the camera on his helmet , and had half a mind to do a cartwheel just to make them dizzy . " Any signs of life ? Over , " a bored voice asked in his left ear . He pressed a button on the side of his helmet to talk to base . " Something 's been here , " Kygof said in Vrone 's other ear . Vrone shuddered ; Kygof had a horrible habit of coming up behind people and scaring them when they least expected it . They had learned how to handle being startled , and Vrone 's hand was over his mouth - or where his mouth was , behind his suit - before he could think . " I don 't know what , exactly , " Kygof continued , unfazed . " My unconscious senses are telling me something that I can 't interpret . There 's just a feeling here that I don 't get on other planets . It doesn 't feel quite dead to me . You know ? " " It 's nerves , " Vrone said . " We all have it . All those rumors about this planet … if you keep believing in them , you 'll invent something to be afraid of , even when it isn 't there . " " Oh God , it 's one of those planets ? " he said , his voice saturated with fear . " We 're on a veldt ? My sister was sent to one when - - " They covered the eastern part of the island in silence . The sun set . The silhouette of the rock against the stars made Vrone feel even lonelier than he 'd imagined it would . The sound of the ocean was everywhere now , and in the light the foaming crests of the waves glowed underneath the stars . " There 's no one , " Vrone said , more to himself than anyone else ; no one looked up . They came to the beach again . Something small gleamed in the sand , right at the waterline ; it moved with the waves , falling out and coming in with them , like a piece of driftwood . Vrone moved toward it and picked it up . " Stop ! " Harjo whispered , but he was too late . Vrone held it up to the light ; it was transparent , cylindrical , apparently hollow , with something translucent and rolled up inside of it . Something dark and solid was covering its smaller end . " Just toss it , " Kygof said at his shoulder . " What if it 's a bomb ? We can 't bring a bomb back to base . If we weren 't killed by the blast , we 'd be killed by Lieutenant Diamond - maker . " " I know that Kygof , " Vrone said patiently . " That 's why I 'm going to send out a discovery signal , all right ? And don 't do that . " " So what ? " the Lieutenant said . " It 's the night sky . We 're monitoring it back here . Are you even doing your jobs ? " " It 's an unidentified object , sir , " Vrone explained . Halfway through his description , a swarm of glass birds flew soundlessly through the sky above them and hovered around Vrone . Each one shined a bright blue light at the object , which glowed and reflected their lights . The Lieutenant clicked off . Vrone slowly bent over and put the bottle down on the ground . The birds swarmed over it before he 'd even taken his hand away , knocking him off balance ; the edge of one wing skinned the back of his hand as he fell . He brought up his hand to the light and saw small crescent tears in the fabric , behind which his flesh gleamed . A foul odor reached his nose . Vrone came to with a searing vision of light boring into his pupils . He blinked it away and sat up on a cot , dressed in a flimsy garment . He saw a painting of a lily on the wall opposite him . He knew that painting . He was in the spaceship again , on the hospital wing . " You had a pretty nasty scare there , " someone said from the doorway . He looked over ; a man he didn 't recognize was standing in the door , watching him . " We thought you were gone . " " Something technical from Bode 's Galaxy , " the linguist said . " It was mainly used by researchers during the terraforming process . If I 'm right , that is . We might just be reading pictures in static . " My name is Erwin Michaels . I live with my mommy and daddy and my seven sisters on an island . I am the oldest boy and the third oldest after my sisters Vera and Rose . This is my message in a bottle for you to read , please if you can write me a letter and send it back , you can send it : When you write me back can you tell me about yourself ? Waht do you do ? Where did you find this letter ? I am in [ sixth ? ] grade and I am [ eleven ? ] years old . What is your favorite food ? Mine is Red Sea Salmon . I like games and learning languages and my stuffed animal , Pile . Do you believe in fairies ? Because I do . I saw one once in the garden , hiding under a toadstool . Mom told me I was just imagining it , but Ellen and Vera saw it too , and I heard at school that Jorah had seen one hiding in the mouse hole at her father 's house . She says they come out of the forest , but I know the truth . They come out of the ocean . Hopefully they will read this message and pass it along to you , because I would like to hear from you or hear from someone . " Delighted to hear it , " the linguist said , " But it doesn 't help us much . East Basdovia is an island … on a planet in another galaxy . Nowhere near this one . And when I say nowhere near … " The linguist shrugged . " It could be , " he said dubiously , " There are some weird similarities between the two planets . People seem to go missing on both of them . But we have no record of intelligent life on this planet . Just some plant life at the bottom of the ocean , where temperatures are most amenable to it . Nothing sentient enough to write a letter and send it in a bottle . " " A remnant from some other ship , " Vrone volunteered . " Someone 's son or daughter asked him to send a message in a bottle . Or he brought it out with him to the beach and it got lost . Or some ship crashed in the ocean and we got a remnant . " " That 's out of my wheelhouse , " the linguist said . " It would take us ages to figure out who 's been here and when . But we might have to do it . " Vrone looked at the letter again . Something about it seemed strange . How did he know a child wrote this ? Maybe an adult wrote it to seem childlike , or a teenager made it as some sort of prank . " That 's a speculative translation , " the linguist said . " This word " - - he pointed to something on the screen - - " means some kind of supernatural being , one that 's both small and terrifying . That 's all I know . I 'll have to send this to one of my colleagues to get confirmation . But in the meantime , think of it as a small flying animal that never dies . " When Vrone turned around , the Admiral was staring at him . Everyone went silent again ; a small voice sang out , " You 're in trou - ble . " He heard them snicker as he left the room . " That 's you , " the Admiral said , " Being a dumbass and grabbing an unidentified piece of space junk without following proper procedure . If you didn 't have connections I 'd be sending you home right now . As it is I just have to give you a warning . " You need to stay in the hospital wing , " the Admiral continued . " Your suit was breached while out on patrol . We still don 't know what effect the atmosphere has had on you . We don 't know why you 're … frankly , why you 're still alive . " The Admiral laughed and put his hand on Vrone 's shoulder . " It 's not like that , " he explained . " We just need you to be there … in case anything happens to you . We want to keep an eye on you . For study . " Vrone thought about what he 'd seen . How did such a message get to this remote hellscape with no intelligent life ? His mind 's eye returned to the jagged mountain stretching overhead , the bare earth and the gusts of sand that blew with the wind , and he thought of the small tears in his suit made by the bird 's wing as it swooped down . That should never have happened ; glass birds are programmed not to injure anyone in their way . Erwin 's message turned over and over in his head . Vrone woke up in utter darkness . At first he thought he had put his blindfold on , but there was nothing over his face . Occasionally they turned the lights down in one part of the ship to save power - - but there were no lights on anywhere now . Even the display lights were turned off . He got up warily and felt his way down the bed ; something urged him not to call out . He slowly got to his feet . He was still naked under a sheet . Outside in the corridor he heard nothing , not even snoring or the hum of machines . There was a faint , foul odor over everything . / that he hadn 't noticed before . Outside the windows he saw nothing , not even the sand or the stars , not even the reflection of the glowing waters . His flashlight cast a small , diffuse beam of light over the corridor . He slipped into his suit , expecting at every turn to come across a pile of corpses or writhing figures . Nothing . One room glowed with light that seemed supernaturally bright in the gloom . Vrone turned off his flashlight and warily made his way towards it . There was a sound , from everywhere at once , like a great gong clanging around him and through him . Then the ship seemed to shift about fifteen degrees , sending Vrone careering through the air and skidding across the floor . He thought they were eye spiders at first . They were impossibly tiny , no bigger than the palm of his hand , with small glowing bodies in the shapes of hourglasses . They glowed . He thought of fireflies , those tiny creatures his father told him about , of the small capsules they sometimes saw out of the windows , the bigger ones zooming off into space . He thought of the words of the linguist , of Ranfin , of the Admiral . " It 's a dream , " Vrone said aloud . " Maybe an effect of the atmosphere . It 's taking its toll on my mind . But the doctors are looking after me , and I 'll be all right . " Nothing answered him or responded ; he felt less reassured than ever . Another clang , another shift . Vrone was now wedged against the wall , far away from the mouth of the glowing room . " It 's nothing , " he said to the empty air in front of him . " In a moment I 'll come to . It 'll be daytime again . And then it will be night time , the kind of night time where one can see the stars . " " I won 't be scared , " Vrone declared . " It 's been a strange day for all of us . This mood - this feeling - it 'll go away . " He blinked , and it was night outside . In the distance he saw the foam - capped waves swelling against the beach , and almost cried from seeing it . The foul odor was stronger now , but he knew that as long as he could see out the window , everything would be fine . There were no glowing bodies . Do you believe in fairies ? Erwin had asked . He was trying to warn them . God bless him , however he knew , he was trying to warn him . Or perhaps they were trying to warn him . But it was too late now . |
I went to see my new neurologist this afternoon . I brought my MRI films for her to see . She looked at the one envelope of films . She is going to have her assistant get a hold of the reports from the neurology - radiologist to see what he / she thought . So far , with a quick glance , she doesn 't see anything like the anomaly that the doctors were freaking out over in 2008 . I am rather glad about that but oh my , is all I can say about that . She also said that she would not have me do any MRIs at this point unless she sees something or if there is something in the report that concerns her . I told her that I would need to be knocked out totally to get another . They are just so loud and with the headaches I already have , add that extra noise and I am even in more pain than before . So far I don 't need to have another MRI done so I don 't have to worry about whether or not they will knock me out . Tomorrow is my monthly blood test for my pro - time level . I don 't particularly like getting the blood tests , but they are important . If my blood gets too thick , then I could get another blood clot ( not an event I would ever like to repeat ) or if it is too thin , I could bleed to death so it is important that it is checked every month . Sometimes I have to get it checked every other week depending on how my blood is . I only ended up with 1 lesson today . I am not sure what is going on but my 4 : 30 and 5 : 00 didn 't show again this week . Then my 6 and 6 : 30 were also absent . Their mom did call and they will be here next week . Then , tomorrow I only have Acer and Calli as Emily and Natalie are absent too so it will be a quiet day . I plan to do my hair and let it dry naturally . I want to see how long it will take to dry naturally instead of using a dryer . I am watching " Without a Trace " and in the episode , the character , Jack 's father has Alzheimer 's . He gets very confused , more so than Mom did . She is still on mind a lot this week . I think it is because of the family events we have had lately . I am still sad at times because she is not here but other times I am okay . I think if I just knew what she wanted me to do now that she isn 't here . I would never talk about it . I just couldn 't because I knew it was coming faster than I wanted it too . In the TV show , the dad is so much worse off than mom was as far as memory . Mom didn 't remember a lot of things , but she could still recognize me and some of the family . The dad in the show keeps getting flash backs to earlier times . Mom never did that , thankfully . I tried to focus on her in the moment with things like paper for example . She loved ripping paper so I bought cheap notebooks for her to write on or whatever . I also had toys she could fiddle around with . The best toy though was her musical Donald Duck . She would play with that for hours . You press his foot and he starts to walk and sing . Donald is dressed up as a bunny ( it was an Easter Gift ) . If you hold him up by the ears , he says , " put me down , put me down " . It is just the cutest thing . All the students seem to like him the best out of all my students . It does make me smile each time I hear the song or the put me down that he says . I am working on my fall schedule . So far there aren 't too many changes , just a few . I am hoping for about 3 to 4 new students . That would be good and it will completely fill my schedule . I try not to schedule too many a day because I do get so tired so easily . I think about 4 or 5 students a day is good for me . I know it is hard to believe , but it is true . The dining room table has been organized and the old , ripped up vinyl table cloth is now history . I have learned an important lesson , buy fabric tablecloths because they last longer . These $ 4 ones just don 't take the beating that my dining room table goes through . I don 't have a tablecloth on right now but that is okay . The tabletop is glass so it is okay not to have a tablecloth on it right now but I do need to find a nice one that I like , only it will be fabric this time , not vinyl . I only had 1 lesson this afternoon . My Sammy was absent but she is making up the lesson tomorrow . I am very glad about that . She is such a good student . I am very pleased with her , not to mention she is such a sweetheart ! My other girls all think she is very , very nice . I am not surprised though because she is very nice and I knew she would get along with my students . Dan was my only student for the day . It was his first lesson with me . We reviewed a few things and then I assigned him a few things to work on this week . His sister will start next week with me . He is a very nice young man . He is 11 and going into 6th grade . Tonight is NCIS night . I just don 't feel like watching Dance Moms . I am getting a little sick of how insane the dance teacher and moms are . I will admit that I love watching the girls dance . They are so talented and graceful . It does make me miss dancing . I loved dancing so much . In my dreams , I can dance all I want and these days , that is enough . Saturday was my cousin , Lia 's wedding as I stated in a previous post . It was the first time that it didn 't hurt as much to not have mom at a family function . I have a hard time with family functions because mom is not there with me . This was the first time it wasn 't super bad . Maybe I wasn 't so upset because I was upset a few days earlier . I don 't know . I have yet to figure out why I do what I do . Maybe someday I will have figured myself out ! I am anxious for fall as I am hoping to have a very full schedule . ( That would be an additional 2 to 3 students , not anymore than that ) I have had a lot of absences this summer but that is to be expected . I am hoping that once fall arrives , there will be less absences . Usually , that is what happens . I will be having a movie day with the Muglia girls on Saturday . I am to bring the Sound of Music and The Hunger Games , if I have it by then otherwise I will bring something else in addition to the Sound of Music . I like watching movies with the girls . They are a lot of fun to hang out with . I miss Mom so much today . She has been on my mind a lot these past few days . I am not sure exactly why as it isn 't a birthday or anniversary or any special day of hers , just a regular day . I have so much I want to tell her and sometimes it just explodes inside my head . Today , seems to be one of those type days . I am much better than I used to be . The tears and being upset or sad all the time is mostly managed . Yes , I still cry at times but those are not so many times now like they were when she first died . I do still some days think when I wake up , oh , time to go and get mom , and then I remember , no I don 't have to go and get mom ready for the day . She is ready for the day in Heaven . I just want to be with her . I have many friends who want the same thing . It does help a lot to know I am not alone in this . I am thankful for the friends I have because without them , it would be much harder . I know I will see her again someday and that helps too , but like my friend , Chantal , I want it now not later ! We are both impatient to be with our mothers again . Well , so much for finishing the post I started on Thursday . What can I say ? I got distracted . Yesterday was my cousin , Lia 's wedding . She was such a beautiful bride ! It was a very nice wedding and I enjoyed myself . I did have to leave a bit earlier that I expected too because my head was really sore by the end of dinner before the dancing started . I wasn 't planning to dance either since I can 't stand up long enough to dance but overall , it was a good night . I finally met my cousin , Danielle 's little guy . Miles is about 10 months now and I got to play with him twice . Kayla didn 't bring Phoenix so I didn 't get to see her but that is okay . I am sure I will see her and her brother , Warren , soon . The little ones are so cute . Andrew , my younger brother , was also there . He seems like he is doing well . He moved again and is very happy with his new apartment . I was glad to see him at the wedding . It was a lovely day outside today . The sun was shining and the sky was a blue blue blue with white puffy clouds , my favorite type of day . The temperature was just right , not too hot , not too cold . I had 2 lessons today . Antoinette had to reschedule to Friday because her dog is sick and has to go the vet tonight . I had lunch with my friend , Wendy today too . It was lots of fun . I see her every few months and we have a good time together . I am hoping to see Jen sometime next month after school starts for her children . Jen auditioned for her local community theatre and she got a part ! I was so happy for her . We spent some time working together on her music so she would be ready and the hard work paid off . I am going to see Jen in the play sometime in October . I will be going on Sunday afternoon . It should be a good time . The music to the musical is rather funny . The name of the musical is " I Love You , You 're Perfect , Now Change " . Jen was very excited when she told me she got a part . This past Monday was the first day of practicing for her . My cousin , Lia , is getting married on Saturday . I am going to the wedding . My aunt , uncle , and several cousins will be there too . Lia and Rick 's daughter , Esther will be one of the flower girls . My young cousin , Elizabeth will be the other one . I hope I remember to bring my camera . I have a tendency not to remember so I just hope that I do . I think my younger brother , Andrew will be there also . It will be the first time I will see Maia since she was diagnosed with cancer earlier this summer . She has been going to chemotherapy every three weeks and will have her surgery soon . It all depends on her MRI and how the cancer is doing . On Friday , my aunt and uncle are supposed to come over . I am not sure what time or anything . They have some packages that they need to pick up and take home . Hayley also has a package to pick up too but I am not bringing it the wedding because I don 't want to pay duty on her package and when you bring packages across the border sometimes you have to pay duty . I do have to get Lia her wedding present . I am going to get them tomorrow . I have to get a nice card to and then sign both mine and my brother 's names since I told him I would . I already know what I am going to get her , I just have to go and pick it up . I am hoping that this fall I may be able to attend the support group meetings for fibro again . I had to stop going because I was teaching at that time . I am not sure if I will be able to or not but I will try . I did enjoy them when I used to go . They are on Mondays , once a month . I think it is on the 2nd Monday of the month . I just checked , it is . The September meeting is about social security disability so I am not sure I will attend that one since I don 't really need any new info on that . About once a year , this firm comes in to talk about the process of getting disability and how to apply , appeal if necessary . My new student , Eliana is 6 . She is so cute . She more comfortable with the right hand ( treble clef ) than she is with the left hand ( bass clef ) . I need to get her the theory book that goes with the book she is using . I am hoping that she will learn the bass clef notes down very soon . I think she will do very well . I also have a young man ( 11 ) going to start next week , Tuesday . I will be calling his mom tomorrow to introduce myself to her . Allison had her lesson today . She is working on " On My Own " from the Les Miserables . I simply love that musical so much . It has been made into a movie and one of my favorite actresses is in it , Anne Hathaway . Hugh Jackman is also in it too . I just can 't wait to see it in the movies . Allison is also working on a song from Mary Poppins the Broadway , " Practically Perfect " . It is such a cute song . Her Italian piece is giving her a bit of a fit right now , but I think in a week or so , she will have it down pat . Overall , I am rather pleased with her progress . Tomorrow I have 5 lessons , my 2 little ones , Faith , Dede , and Wama . Dede and Wama are doing super well . They started in January and are already in their 3rd book . I had 2 lessons this afternoon . My newest student , Sammy ( 15 and a vocalist ) had her lesson and Aubrey ( 7 and a pianist ) had hers today instead of tomorrow since they will be busy tomorrow . David has changed his day to Saturday . Tomorrow I have a new student . She is 6 and has played for a bit . I always am excited for a new student . Then I have Allison and Antoinette . Antoinette has moved into the level 3 books now . We are both excited about this . School starts next week for some of my students . The public school students do not start until after Labor Day . This Saturday is my cousin , Lia 's wedding . It should be interesting . My aunt and uncle will be there as well as some cousins that I haven 't seen in a while . My younger brother will be there too . I am watching Dance Moms as it is Tuesday and NCIS and NCIS Los Angeles are re - runs . When fall comes , I will switch back to the NCIS and NCIS Los Angeles . Anyways , it is amusing as ever . My younger brother must have surgery soon . He has a lump right next to his spine in his neck and it must be removed . I had to read this on face book . I have since spoken to him and he will let me know what is going on before posting it on face book . I am reading a new book about healthy eating and how to stay with eating healthy . So far it is good . I think I have been doing rather well eating healthy but I want to be even better . I rarely have cravings and usually my cravings are for milk or a Peanut Butter / Jelly or Honey sandwich . That is what I like a lot of . My goal is to be 1 / 2 my size by the beginning of next summer . I don 't think I will have any problems getting that way either . Sometimes I think the life in my head is better than the one I live . In my head , I can do anything . I can dance again , walk for long walks again , do anything I want physically , it is beautiful . I know that I am a daydreamer and I always have been . I would look out the window and see my beautiful dreams in the air . My friends think it is kind of weird that I can do that , but I always have been able to . In my dreams , I am running and jumping , flying all around . In some ways I do live my dreams , just on a limited basis . I have accepted ( or whatever you want to call it ) that I can 't do stuff right now , but with the leaps and bounds the medical field is advancing , it is hard to say that I won 't ever be able to dance again . I want to be able to dance again , just a slow dance , I know ballet and lyrical ( my favorite genres of dance ) is out of the question but slow dancing is not . Some day I will be able to slow dance again . I just know it . I also wonder if others day dream and live in their heads like I do . I have seen some of the postings that others have put on face book about what people think they do , what they think they do , and what they really do . Some are really funny . I think one of the things I discovered about living a much more mellow life since I got sick , is noticing the beauty in life . I love to go scootering and looking at the beautiful flowers , trees , and nature in general . Mom and I used to scooter / walk every night after dinner in the summer of 2009 . We would go different directions to see different things . Mom was always looking at the beauty of nature . I love gardens . Unfortunately , I can kill a plant just by looking at it . Mom was the green thumb of the family , not me . I was not very good at telling the difference between a plant and a weed . In fact , until the flowers were blooming , I didn 't know what they were . It was worse with the vegetables because I never knew when they needed to be harvested so yeah , they usually died in the garden . I appreciate people who can garden and make things grow , I just wish I were one of them like mom and several of my friends . When I was on vacation one year at the US Virgin Islands , I went to see some really beautiful gardens . They are so peaceful and beautiful . I also think that when you slow down life , the stress level may go down . It did for me ( mostly ) . Unfortunately , the anxiety level didn 't go down with the stress . I have medicine for it again . I hoping that soon I will be able to go off it again and not have high anxiety . I was able to do that in 2008 and my anxiety wasn 't so bad until the last summer for Mom . That is when it went through the roof and I should have let my family doctor know , but I didn 't . In 2 weeks school will be starting again . Another school year will be under way . Soon the fall will arrive and summer will be a dream . I am looking forward to the weather that fall brings . So far , August has not been too hot like July . July had many days at 100 and close to it . I am glad that it isn 't too hot at this time . It is simply beautiful out . Today was the Summer Concert for the students . We had 15 numbers with 14 students . One student , Acer plays piano and sings too so he does 2 songs , one for each instrument . Calli , Natalie Z , and Camille did the announcing . They did a good job . I think in the Christmas Concert I will have 4 announcers . We had a BBQ after the concert . It was very good and everything turned out nicely . It was also Bill 's and Breanna 's birthday today . I am glad they spent their birthdays with us . The cake and cup cakes were really yummy . I even had a small piece of birthday cake . It had chocolate mousse in the middle of it . Yummy . That is all I can say about that . I have done so well with eating healthy that I had a small piece and I was satisfied with the small piece whereas before I may not have been but now I am . I did have a small spoonful of potato salad too although I had a bigger plate full of regular salad . That was the biggest thing on my plate . Several families stayed for the BBQ although some didn 't . I knew they wouldn 't because they let me know ahead of time . It was a nice afternoon with the students . I had a good time . Now , of course , I have the after the concert headache and my legs ache more from walking a lot . This too , is not a surprise . It happens after every concert . I am used to it by now . It is kind of weird that I am used to it , but I am . I know what to expect after the concert . I also forgot my camera today . I didn 't pull it out last night so I would have it for today . Woops ! I do hope to remember for the next concert . Right now is a NCIS marathon on USA channel . I have seen all of these episodes before but I love the show so I don 't mind the re - runs . There isn 't that much on a Sunday night . Army Wives is on , but I have missed a few episodes so I am not sure what is going on . I may just buy the season when it is out . We will have to wait and see . I teach at 11 am tomorrow . I have Isaac followed by Rachel , Bob , Sammy , and Rahul as far as I know . Things can easily change that is for sure so I am very flexible if I can be . I try to be anyways . I figure that if I am flexible with them , when I need to change lesson times , then they will be flexible with me . Today is also Kathy 's twins birthday ! Alicia and Samantha are now 6 ! ! ! ! ! ! What a lovely age ! They are such cuties . Next week is their birthday party with their friends . This will be the first for them . I expect they will have a great time . I am rather lightheaded today but I don 't understand why . It is just one of those type days , I suppose . I am not sure what is going on but hey , the head isn 't so sore today so that is good . I had a headache when I woke up but now it is almost gone . This is a first for me , I think . I am hoping that by tomorrow the dizziness will be gone . I waiting for the programs for the concert tomorrow to finish printing . Natalie drew the picture . She did a very good job as usual . She is a good artist . Natalie , Hannah , and Lydia will be taking art together next school year with my friend , Star . I am excited about them taking art classes . They are all ready good artists so they can only improve . Natalie and Hannah want to be animators and Lydia wants to be a Fashion Designer . Lydia is really good at sewing . She has several sewing books that she is using for projects . All 3 are also really good at piano too . They are among my more advanced students . The only student more advanced then those 3 is Bob . He won 't be in the concert tomorrow because they have tickets for a baseball game . This will actually be the 3rd concert he has missed in a row . He missed Christmas because of working , Spring because of tickets for some event , and now , Summer for the baseball game . I think I will have to check his schedule before I plan the next concert . Now , I have to burn the CD for the vocalists . It makes it much easier for Bill ( sound person ) if all the songs are on one CD . I am almost ready for the concert way earlier than the last concert . It is surprising but a good surprise . I don 't mind these type of surprises though , they are good surprises . I didn 't have any lessons today , just shopping for the concert and the programs for the concert . It should be a fun recital especially since there is BBQ right after . I was going to get hamburgers , but I changed my mind and got hot dogs instead . I do have veggie burgers for my vegetarians . I am not sure who all is vegetarian , but I am prepared . I know Rick is but I am not sure who else . I was reading one of the blogs I normally read and it was about Fibro awareness . It still amazes me that people don 't believe it is real or that we aren 't really sick . Since the release of Lyrica and some of the other new medicines , the awareness of Fibro has also gone up and so has the acceptance of Fibro . I have been rather lucky as my family has always supported me and never questioned me of whether or not I am really sick or not . Mom was the best though and Andrew ( the little bro ) too . Mom went with me a lot when we were going to doctor after doctor trying to find out what is wrong with me . She went with me when I went to the Cleveland Clinic when we thought I still had the vasculitis . It was there that I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia . Of course , the doctor I have now has known all about Fibro for years before I was diagnosed and I could have had some relief much sooner but I stopped complaining to doctors about the pain and fatigue . I am glad that unlike others , I have had a doctor to work with since day one of the diagnose . I also am different in the way , I actually like that I don 't look sick because I don 't want pity . People only know something is wrong because I use a scooter or a wheelchair for long distances or for when I have to stand for a very long time . Other than that , only my friends and family know the extent of my illnesses . I do wish everyone with these invisible illnesses had the support that I have . Not all of my family is supportive though , just like so many . One particular person cannot handle how sick I can get . He doesn 't understand the nature of the illnesses or the fatigue and just says I sleep too much . He doesn 't like that at all . I have just gotten to the point that what other people think ( the negative and naysayers type people ) doesn 't bother me . i don 't really care . The people who are important to me believe me and support me . I just ignore those who don 't , most of the time . Yes , I do have days where it does bother me but today isn 't one of them . Hmmmmmmmmmm , it has been a rather quiet type day . Isaac had a lesson , Allison had her lesson , and soon , Antoinette will have her lesson . Antoinette and I seem to talk so much before and after a lesson . Today she starts level 3 books . It is pretty cool especially since she only started in about September . She also played the flute through out high school so that has definitely helped her a lot . I went and picked up her books this afternoon after Isaac 's lesson . I didn 't even check out the new books and sheet music the store had . I went in , got the books I needed , ordered the one that they were out of , paid , and then walked out . Let me tell you , that is the HARDEST thing to do ! Sheet music stores are one of the worst stores for me to go into to ! I always think I need more music when really , I don 't . I have 3 legal size filing cabinets filled with music . Serious , I mean completely filled , not with one inch of space left . I now have to put new music in a box because it doesn 't fit in the cabinets . I would get another file cabinet , however , there is no room in the office for it so I can 't get one . I wish I had a place to put one but I don 't . I do try to refrain from buying new music . Since all the Harry Potter movies are done , I now have all the piano books for them . I don 't need anymore . I am so thankful to my mom though , because she catalogued all of my music and that was a HUGE job . Thankfully , mom was a patient little mom and did this important job for me . Okay , at first , I didn 't see the necessity of this job , but I quickly realized how much easier it was to find what I needed by having everything on the computer . I just check find , type in the name or parts of the name , and boom ! the music shows up with what number it is . I go to the filing cabinet and pull it out . It is such a breeze . It is the putting of music away that is the hard job . That one , I am ALWAYS behind on , pretty much always . I try , but it is a losing battle for me . Last night I went to my Live Journal and went to my very first post . I think I spent an hour reading them up to December 2010 . I never realized how much I wrote about how mom was doing and some of the fears I had . Some of it was funny to read , like the time I actually swore at her ( I don 't typically use that type of language as I work with children ! ) . I do remember that day rather well . Momma would not , and I mean not in any shape or form , get into the car to go to Tim Horton 's for brunch . I begged , I pleaded , I got mad , and then , I swore at her to get in the car . Nothing worked . So I took her back into the house , placed her in her chair in the living room , went into the dining room , threw the box of Kleenex on the floor , the pile of music that was on the table on the floor , and promptly sat down and cried . I was so frustrated , not only because she had never refused to get in the car before , but also because I was so upset that I swore at her . It was so frustrating . After about 15 minutes or so this little voice comes out of the living room , telling me she was hungry . All I had to do was wait a few minutes and then we would have been fine . I got up and got her ready to go outside . She got in the car like she usually did , no refusing , no upsets , no nothing . This , of course , made me even madder at myself than I already was . I was so frustrated with myself pretty much the entire day . Tillie called me later that evening and I told her what had happened . She bursted out laughing . She actually said to me that she didn 't know I actually knew what those words were and how to use them . Of course I have heard swear words before , just because I don 't choose to use them doesn 't mean other people don 't . Heck , most of my relatives use them rather frequently . To this day , I have yet to hear the end of the day I swore at mom . I admit now , it is kind of funny , but not too funny . So reading the posts were both amusing and upsetting ( near her end time ) for me . I was right when I wrote that the mother 's day we celebrated would be her last as was her birthday . I didn 't get my wish to have her last longer so I could go all out for her at Christmas . Then again , how would I feel about Christmas if she passed away around then ? I totally hate the month of October with the 18th being the worst day ever so to hate the month of December would totally put the emphasis on what I hate as opposed to on the celebration of Jesus ' birth where it belongs so I supposed I must grudgingly admit , God does know better than me . Besides , the little mom was so ready to go . It is me who wanted her to stick around wayyyyyy longer than she did . I don 't seem to be as upset as I used to be when I think about her . Sometimes , I have even admitted there are things I don 't miss with taking care of her . I don 't miss trying to feed her or have her feed herself , for example . I think it is mostly the companionship of her I miss the most . She was such a good little mom and she was very little . Mom was about 5 ' 3 3 / 4 " and when she died she weighed 84 . 6 pounds . Now when Mom was healthier she weighed about 100 to 115 , which was healthy for her . I didn 't inherit her body shape and size , nope , from chin up I am all Mom and from chin down I am all dad 's side of the family . However , I am working very hard at losing the excess weight and my goal is to be 1 / 2 my size by next summer . I think I will get there since I am working hard at it . So far , eating healthy IS going well and I am down some weight . I will get weighed again at the neurologist 's office when I have my appointment on August 30 . That will be the day we re - exam the new medicines and adjust the dosage . So far , it isn 't working too well . I am sure that we will find the right dosage and someday in the future I will actually not have a headache every single day of my life . I , unfortunately , can 't remember what it is like not to have a headache , so that will feel rather strange toWell , my lovely Antoinette will be here shortly so I need to get a few things out for her lesson . It is like the perfect temperature today too . Blue sky , puffy white clouds , bright sun shining , and no rain ! I love these type days ! Not too much happening today other than teaching and of course , Dance Moms since it is Tuesday and both NCIS shows are in re - runs . I had several more lessons today that I don 't usual have because students needed to change their schedule . I don 't mind , I would so much rather to reschedule than cancel . Aubrey , Jillian , and Brooke had their lessons today instead of tomorrow . Sammy and Laith had their regular lessons today . Tomorrow I have to pick up some music for Antoinette . She is moving up to level 3 . I am pretty happy with how she is doing . Sunday is the Summer concert . It will be smaller than usual because it is summer but I don 't mind . It is less that I have to be nervous and anxious about . We are having a BBQ after the concert . I like this " end of the summer " party we have and it is a good time with all the students . Yesterday , my little boys had their lessons . Rahul has just turned 5 and his older brother , Samuel has just turned 6 . Rahul is in the younger , Little Mozart series while Samuel is in the Prep series which is a step up from Little Mozarts . Rahul is so funny when he does his work book . Most of the time he is a little independent guy except when he has to be pretty much glued to my side in order to do his work book . He will get out his crayons , he will get his stickers , of course , this means he has to stand up on the piano bench and then walk on my legs to get these thing . I have tried to get them for him but he is independent and get it himself . How can you not encourage being independent ? He and his brother are doing pretty well . They are slowly learning notes so that is good . I also had a lovely surprise yesterday . Isaac is back for regular lessons . He had his last lesson at the end of June . Isaac was at camps , family vacations , more camps , and VBS all during the month of July . I am very happy to see him . He is a really good singer and coming along pretty well with piano although I would be much happier with his piano progress if he would practice more . I have to remember to call the neurologist tomorrow . The new medicine isn 't working . Last night I had a bad headache again ( seems to happen way way way too much these days ) , I tried the Cambia and it didn 't work . The every day headache has also not gone down any with the new every night medicine . One day a few weeks ago , I did wake up without a headache , but by the end of the day , it hurt again . It has been a nice day here today . I had 3 lessons for the day . I had Rick , Emily , and Minh 's lessons . Emily has chosen her Summer Recital piece now . She is going to play " Prelude " from her level 2 lesson book . It is a cute piece that she does rather well . Minh and Rick chose their pieces a bit ago . It is so hard to believe that the concert is only 6 days away . Wow , I am so unprepared right now . I will be prepared by the time the concert comes around though , that is for sure . Tomorrow I am going to price hamburger and buns for the BBQ . I also am going to be asking students ' parents who is planning to stay for the BBQ . That will be important since I have no idea who is coming and staying . I have an idea of which students are performing but not an idea of how many are staying . So far , I know of 1 family who will not be staying because they are fasting during the day right now for Ramadan . Anne of Green Gables is on TV tonight along with the Harry Potter number 6 . I do have both on DVD but I am watching Anne . I remember the first time I read the Anne of Green Gable book . It was like a magical book . She talked as much as I did and it was just wonderful . I remember crying at the end because it was the end . Then Mom told me that there were 7 more books in the series . We went to the library and got the all the next day . I think that lasted me about a week or so . I read very fast so I go through books very quickly . I wish I didn 't , but I do . I simply love the Anne books . I even have 2 Anne dolls and a Diana doll . I have several figurines and one music box of Anne . I got some at Disney World in Epcot in the Canadian Pavilion . Mom and I loved them so much . I also have a plush doll of Anne . It is very cute . Mom had one too . I have it to Calli since she loves Anne too . I gave Acer the plane Mom had . He liked it a lot . I am not sure what day it was , but one day this week I woke up early , about 7 am . I was fine for a few minutes and then all of a sudden I was crying and missing Mom so much . It was just like it was when she first passed away . I think I cried for about 15 or so minutes and then fell back asleep . I was fine when I finally got up for the day . It was just very strange . I mean , I miss her a lot all the time , but I don 't have the crushing feeling in my chest anymore . Yet , on that day , I did . It hurt physically to miss her that day . That hasn 't happened in a while . I think I am used to her being gone now . I ( most of the time ) no longer think , oh , time to get Momma up or time to put Momma to bed . I still have the sign on her room though . I haven 't been able to take it off yet . Someday , but I still refer to that room as hers . To me , it is still her bedroom . Well , it is getting a bit late and I want to read a bit before bed tonight , mainly to calm my anxiety . Thank goodness I have medicine now for the anxiety . I had to go back on the Effexor because my anxiety was getting so high again . I probably should have had it right after Mom passed away , but I was trying not to need it . Well , I need it . I also have my relaxation techniques that I do to help calm down . I don 't need to give myself an anxiety attack or an asthma attack as when I get an anxiety attack , I often end up with an asthma attack too . I have stress related asthma so that is why it sometimes happens . Silly asthma ! I had such a lovely last couple of days . Last night , after teaching a few lessons , I was invited to the Hubel 's house for a girls night ! We watched " National Treasure 2 " and had dinner . It was wonderful ! Then today , I went to the Muglia 's house to watch " Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief " . Wow , what a wonderful afternoon with my girls ! First last night and then this afternoon . We are planning to watch a few more movies soon too . I simply just love spending time both with the Hubel family and the Muglia family . They are so nice and good friends too . Tomorrow I have 3 lessons so it will be a good day too so overall , a wonderful weekend . The new medicine is not working as much as I hoped . I tried the Cambia on a bad headache sometime this week and it didn 't even make a dent in it . I was rather disappointed but I am hopeful that something is out there that will help . One day about a week ago , I DID wake up without a headache and boy was I happy ! By the afternoon , well , it was back . But like Dr . R said , this is the lowest dosage and we have some room to wiggle as she calls it . I do find that I get a dry mouth so easy with the new medicine . I drink a lot of water now because of it . Not that drinking water is bad , it is just unusual for me to drink this much . I hope that it will help with the weight loss . I go back and see Dr . R at the end of this month . I also have to bring the films from the MRIs I had in 2008 when the doctors said I have an anomaly in my head ( whatever that is ) . She wants to look at them herself . As she puts , she is anal that way . I had to smile at that one . I have a note to bring them with me to the appointment because otherwise I would totally forget ! I received a note from www . healthline . com editors and I have been chosen as one of the best 21 Fibromyalgia Blogs for 2012 . I was so excited about this . I mean , really ? How cool ! Several of the blogs I read also were on the list . It is a neat thing to be on this list . Camille had her lesson today . She is doing so wonderfully . She has switched to the Snell books . They are harder than the other books we were using and her hands move everywhere and a lot . Camille has no problem with that . I was very pleased with her songs today . Camille has lessons every other week for an hour . Her Dad asked about competition today . I said that I think Camille should go since she plays so well . We worked on counting in 6 / 8 today . She was having a bit of trouble with the new part in her Tarantella song in her lesson book . I think we have worked it out and she understands now . It is a new time signature for her . Choir is not singing in church tomorrow so I can sleep in , which is good because I have a bad headache tonight . The men in the choir are singing by themselves tomorrow . It should be awesome . Apparently , there will be a Sunday when we women from the choir sing by ourselves . I do like the variety of music we sing . Sometimes it is a classical choral piece , other times it is a contemporary and we have done several spirituals too . The choir director , Lee , really likes to change things up . I like how he does that because it really makes choir interesting . Calli has decided to drop piano for now and just keep singing instead . I think she was a bit nervous to ask me but if this is what she wants , no problem . She can always pick up piano at a later date . Calli is going to sing " Over the Rainbow " for the Summer Concert . Acer will sing " Wade in the Water " and play " Why Am I Blue ? " on the piano . They had make up lessons today since they were out of town on Friday . Minh had her regularly scheduled lesson . Sundays go much faster when I have some lessons . I do have some music I need to put in Finale this week . I need it before next Sunday when Rick comes back . It is for the Summer Concert . Tomorrow , my lovely Rachel will be absent . She is such a cutie but she will be out of town . She will be absent next week too . I will miss the lovely girl until she gets back in town . I think I have only 1 lesson tomorrow . Although , I am hoping that perhaps Isaac is back and ready for lessons again . He has been gone most of July . It is hard to believe that school will be starting again for the students . I have bought a few new notebooks for any new students I will hopefully have in the fall . I have room for a few new students . I have been working on paying the property taxes this summer . I try to send in as much as possible , even if it only $ 25 since they will add up . I should be able to have them all paid by the deadline . I am pretty sure about it . I have missed a lot of the Olympics this time . I usually watch all the gymnastics . It is my 2nd favorite sport to watch after Figure Skating . I forget it is on until I go to bed and then I remember , oh yeah , gymnastics was on or swimming or anything else . When Mom was here , Olympic time was sacred meaning don 't ask for anything while she was watching her Olympics . I warned Andrew to find another ride to work because Mom was glued to the TV during Olympics time . he didn 't believe and was so upset when he had to take a cab to work . When we were at competition in February 2010 , Mom and Tillie watched a lot of the winter Olympics in the hotel room while I was running around listening to my students . I still smile of her excitement over the Olympics . She didn 't even care what country would win , it was just athletes doing their best . Mom really liked the track and field in the summer games . She used to do the long jump and run when she was a child . I wish I could have seen that , of course being a daughter , there is no way to see a mother as a child . Mom also ice skated as a child . Mom was very into sports unlike me who leans towards the performing arts . Well , I have to start a new book tonight . I finished the one I was reading this afternoon before Minh 's lesson . It was a Kristin Hannah book . Her books are very good and very interesting . I also have a new book by John Grisham . I am sure it is as good as his other books . Once again I totally forgot about a bill and got stuck with the $ 35 late fee . Ugh ! I know it is due on the 3rd . I wish it was the 5th , but it is the 3rd . Perhaps next month I will remember . I also forgot to pay for the cable and internet last week . I have fixed that one already . oh , what can I say ? I am trying to be on top of things around here . Today was a rather boring day because I had no lessons . I know everyone needs a day off , but when I have days I don 't teach with no plans , I am super duper bored . I went to go and get gas but the gas station had no power so I couldn 't get gas . I will do that tomorrow before lessons after church . Carolyn will not be in church tomorrow . She is such a nice young lady . I really like her family and her a lot . They are good neighbors . I have a lot of good neighbors that is for sure . Tomorrow I will have Calli and Acer 's lessons . Calli made the state team for goal ball . I am so proud of her . She worked so hard for that opportunity . I can 't wait to meet her guide dog . I have to start teaching the students that we cannot pet him because he is working . That will be hard for the little ones as their first impulse will be to pet and play with the dog . I have to do some shopping for the BBQ this week because I need to spread out the cost of the meat over the month . I do have some plasticware left over from last year so that is good . I have to start the list of what I need for the party . I am planning to do that tomorrow afternoon . Calli will probably not have a piano piece ready for the summer concert , but I think over the rainbow should be ready . She is such an amazing girl . She really is . I have the best students in the world . Some days I sigh and think , I wish I could teach full time but I know that the last time I worked full time I was in and out of the hospital 15 times in 14 months so I don 't think I can do that . I am thankful for the students that I have that is for sure . They are all so good . It is so amazing to me that the older I get the faster time flies . Hard to believe , but it is August already . In 16 days is the summer concert . I am so unprepared for that . I had the follow up with the arthritis doctor . I don 't have the blood test results yet but I did have the results of the x - rays . So far , the arthritis is in check and hasn 't changed much since last year so that is good . I think the physical therapy and the occupational therapy helped a lot . I have learned some new exercises that help with the arthritis pain . I am sure that losing more weight will help even more . I hope to be 1 / 2 my size by the end of next summer . That is my goal . I priced some recumbent ellipticals and well , they are very expensive so I am hoping for one off of Craig 's list or something like that . Once I lose a bit more weight , I will worry about something like that . I don 't have any lessons tomorrow so that is a bit unusual for me . It will be nice to have a break tomorrow . I don 't want a long break , just a day will be fine . I have a lesson on Sunday in the late afternoon . My student was in a car accident so she has to have someone drive her or loan her their car . She has a cracked rib and a few scrapes and bruises but overall she will be okay . I am thankful for that . So until she gets another car , we will have lessons on Sunday late afternoon . I was hoping to see Calli and Acer today but they are out of town . I am hoping that maybe they will have a lesson this weekend . I haven 't seen Calli in over a month . I did see Acer . We had lessons and also went grocery shopping . He is almost ready for the summer concert . I have to write down what everyone is playing at the concert this week . I also need to purchase the hamburgers and veggie burgers since they come frozen , I can buy them at any time . I teach music and sewing to the most amazing kids in the world . I like to read and do crafts in my spare time . I also love reading blogs about other peoples life . I hope you enjoy reading mine . I also have fibromyalgia and arthritis . |
Only two weeks into school and we had our first illness . Jackson woke up with a fever on Monday so he stayed home Monday Tuesday and Wednesday . I figured Madison had whatever bug he had even though she wasn 't fighting it off yet so I didn 't want to send her to school and spread whatever it was . She ended up getting the fever on Tuesday but she went to school on Wednesday and Jackson was still sick . We were thinking that Jackson really should go on Wednesday because he seemed to not have a fever anymore but he had a huge meltdown and we figured it was because he was still not feeling well . So now this morning Thursday morning I was getting them ready to go and Jackson was on board he knew he had to go to school but he was giving me a hard time about getting dressed and talking about how he didn 't want to go . They both talked about how they missed their old school and how they really liked going there because they got to see Nana . The only way I got Jackson out of the house was giving him the impression that he wasn 't going to go to school that we were just going to bring Maddie . When I brought them up to the door Madison went right in the Jackson hid behind me because he didn 't want the teacher to see him . I let her know he was having a really hard time coming to school and that he didn 't want to be there so she came and talk to him and tried to get him excited and talked about that it was Joey 's birthday and they had cookies . He seemed interested but he was more interested in going home with me . She asked if I wanted to come in with him so I did and he just clung to me he wouldn 't let go . I stayed in the room for a little while . Madison was just sitting drawing a picture of her and grandma while this is all going on . The teacher suggested we get the guidance counselor to come and help because I wasn 't sure if I should just leave or try to make it easy on him ( somehow ) . Once she arrived she tried talking to him and he wanted nothing to do with her . He was hysterically crying and clinging to me for dear life sayingI cried all the way to my car . I just feel so sad that he has to feel like this . It breaks my heart . Over all school is going well . From what I can tell they are very happy and when it all boils down that 's all that I care about . For me I still have a pit in my stomach about it all . We have 7 days under our belt now . M & J are both very excited for all the new experiences . Computer class was a huge hit with Madison . She also loves art class and they both loved music class . When we went for our orientation last spring the music teacher ( guy with big fuzzy beard ) , was not someone they were excited to meet . That all changed at the first class . " He 's SO silly ! He even forgot his own name ! How funny is that ? " They even had " healthy " class ! There is a boy in their class who is on their soccer team and he and Jackson seemed to become friends on the first day . He talks about him a lot . Yesterday we saw a boy at gymnastics who is in their class too . He has cried at drop off every day this week : - ( He did better today but when I saw him start to well up I said " Hey ! Give me five ! " He did and I made a big deal like it hurt which made him laugh : - ) Luckily there have been no tears at all ( at school . . . more on that later ) for Madison and Jackson . They have told me about their behavior chart . There is purple , blue , green , orange , and red . They all started on green and M & J have remained there ( since writing this they were both moved to orange ! ! I can 't get a straight story out of them why ) . Three kids have moved up to blue ( not really sure what you need to do to move up ) and one kid had moved to orange and now is on red . I 've heard a lot about this boy all week . He is ALWAYS being spoken to and disrupting class . Every day they get ready and go to school willingly . I suspect this will change for Jackson within the next week . I think when the honeymoon phase is over he will start to protest . This was my first day all on my own so I had a lot of hopes for the day . After dropping them off I went right home . We are having construction done on our house so I had to chat with some people about that then I went for a 2 . 5 mile " run " ( intervals ) . I haven 't run in almost a year due to a horrible pain in my legs but this was a very serious goal of mine for back to school . As I stated over a year ago when I committed to running , I NEED to lose weight ! ! ! So the run / walk was rough at first but it got better . After that I took a shower , went to the bank , the grocery store , walgreens , target , came home to put dinner in the crock pot , and even did a bit of editing . So after school Monday they were clearly tired and whiney but it was gymnastics day so we took the 40 minute drive ( only two towns away literally on the same street we live on ) to the gym . Last Wednesday was the start of their new session in which we made a pretty major change for Jackson . I was faced with the decision of going to the gym 4 days a week so they could both be on pre - team ( I 'm just learning all the lingo here . . . they were both in " hot shots " all summer two days a week at the same time but different coaches ) . Both of their coaches said that this fall they could move up to pre - team and if it didn 't work out they could go back to hot shots . The problem is that boys pre - team practices 2 hours on M W and girls pre - team practices on T TH for 2 . 5 hours . I knew immediately I was NOT going to drive there FOUR days a week and have one of them with me every day , so I had to make a decision . I decided to put Jackson with the pre - team and Madison with hot shots that practices at the same time as boys pre - team . So Monday was his second day with his new coach ( who he has interacted with for almost a year now ) and practicing with the older boys . 1 hour and 15 minutes into the class Jackson taps me on the back . I turn around to the saddest , biggest , doe eyes filled with tears he was trying so hard to hold back . I scooped him up and he just let it all out . I asked him what happened and he said , " nothing . . . I just miss you " . I started to tear up myself . He said , " I can 't stop thinking of you " . I took him into a quiet room and just held him and let him cry . The poor kid . . . * I 'm * feeling overwhelmed by all of this so I can only imagine how he feels . He ended up confessing that there was a boy in class that always stares at him and it " creeps " him out . Madison finished her class after that so we all just left . I found out when we got home that Jackson told the coach that he was going to the bathroom so then I got to thinking that the coach must have wondered where he went ? ? Right ? ? I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thTuesday morning I had a newborn session and on my back home I called my mother to see if she wanted to go to lunch ! We were so excited ! She said " I 've been waiting 5 years for this ! ! ! " It was funny . We went to Victoria Station in Salem and sat on the patio overlooking the water . We took our time even perusing some shops after . Rather than having her drop me off at home to get my car to go back out and pick up M & J I had her drop me off at the school and I would walk them home . They wanted to play on the playground so they did that for a good 45 minutes before making our way through what I thought would be a shortcut . We live just over a mile away by driving on the roads but if you look at a map there is a way to walk a more direct route through fields / yards . I figured we 'd wing it and see what happened . We had a nice leisurely walk but unfortunately couldn 't cut through an area I was hoping we could . That ended up adding a bit to our walk which they were already complaining about . We stopped to sit twice which was a really nice time to chat about school . We made our way back to our street which is where the traffic gets bad . There is one major intersection we need to diagonally cross and at that time of day it 's incredibly busy . I wasn 't comfortable crossing it WITH them let alone EVER letting them walk to school alone . Wednesday morning I had a meeting with a local daycare regarding doing school pictures for them . It went well and we even scheduled the date for next week ! I 've been looking for an opportunity like this for a while so I 'm very excited to offer parents a better option for school pictures . After that I came home and worked on the documents for the parents and did some more editing . Wednesday after school we made the trip to gymnastics and Jackson pointed out the boy who was staring at him . He REFUSED to go into class . He just clung to me . The place is an absolute zoo at 3 : 30 so I couldn 't find anyone to help me ! After wandering around for a bit I finally saw his new coach so I went out in the gym and told him we had a situation . Turns out he had no idea Jackson left class on Monday . Oh . I had to let that one go at the moment . We told him the problem and he called the kid over . I took this opportunity to walk out of the gym so the only thing I heard was the other kid say was , ( in response to " why are you staring at him ? " ) " I only did it because he kept hurting me " . I 'm so annoyed with trying to get straight answers out of kids . All this time I 'm thinking Jackson is innocent and feeling so bad for him and now it turns out he 's been hurting another kid ? ? I don 't even know what to believe . Jackson managed to stay in class but about 45 minutes later he came up to the balcony again . I brought him back down and tried to get him back in but he refused to go . At that point I made the decision to swap days so that Jackson could go back with coach B for hot shots and Madison will go to pre team . Luckily Madison won 't be switching coaches so there shouldn 't be any difference for her . While they were in school on Thursday I did more editing at home but then I needed to go out to buy some frames and pick up prints at Costco . I contribute these frames to a welcome basket for new home buyers in Lynnfield . The frame has an advertisement in it but obviously they can use the frame for whatever they want . I ended up getting to school a little early to get a close spot and opened and cleaned frames while I was in the car . That day we went right home and relaxed . Friday morning the kids were more relaxed and were all playing and chasing each other before it was time to go in . When I went back to my car there was a psycho mom screaming at people for parking in a small lot that is for an apartment building . I was pulling THROUGH the lot ( not parked there ) and she stopped her car in front of mine so I couldn 't get out and screamed at me out her window , " YOU CAN ' T PAHK HEEAH ! ! ! " I stupidly attempted to tell her I wasn 't PARKED there but was just pulling through but there was no way I was going to reason with this woman . After I dropped them off I went to Lynnfield to drop off the frames then went to Courtney 's house to go to the beach with her and my niece and nephew to do some photos of them . After that I went to to lunch with a new friend from gymnastics . We both have boy / girl twins who were conceived about a month apart at the same fertility center ! We both are convinced we must have seen each other there at some point since we were there so much ! I walked around the mall for a bit after lunch then went right to pick them up . We stayed at school again to play at the playground . After running around a bit with a boy from their class who happened to stay Madison came up to me and said , " You know the girl that has the same backpack as me ? I wish she was here to play with " . It cracks me up that she still doesn 't know her name . I would say I have two stand out issues with this whole new experience . One is the parking / drop off situation which I 've been told is only worse in the winter . Awesome . The streets around the school are tiny and with all the people dropping off you have to park a ways away unless you get there really early to get a close spot . For Madison and Jackson to take the bus ( which I 'm not sure I would want them doing here anyway ) we would need to pay $ 600 so I guess I will just need to suck it up . I figured everyone deserved an update to know that I 'm not still rocking in a corner by myself . We all survived the first day and even better than I could have imagined . I didn 't cry ONCE ! It really was all so hectic . We parked the car and walked the kids up to the door that their classroom enters through . There was one other class at that door too so there were 50 littles and at least 50 parents although most had two grownups with them . It was hot and muggy ! Jackson said quite a few times through the morning , " I wanna stay home with you mama . " and of course I feel guilty for telling them that I would miss them because now I don 't know if he just doesn 't want me to be sad . We got there 10 minutes early and they didn 't go in the doors until 10 minutes late so there was a lot of time to whine about how heavy their backpacks were . While they were in line their teacher came out and said hi to all the kids individually . When I stepped back to take a picture of Madison with her Jackson stuck like glue to me . Once the line went in he followed right in . I was able to sneak a picture of them all on the floor once they were in their classroom . Chris and I walked back to the car and went to breakfast . After that I had a meeting with a bride and after I got home I actually took a nap ! Then Chris and I had to get ready to go to a wedding . We had to be ready to go when we went to pick them up because we needed to leave for the wedding right after we got them . My mom came up and picked them up with us so we were able to leave as soon as we got home . The quick conversation we had with them was that they both loved it . I asked Jackson if he still would have rather stayed home with me and he said " yes . " AWWW ! These are the moments that are surreal . Kindergarten has come out of nowhere and slapped me in the face . I 've really been feeling like I want to write about all of the things that are going on in my head regarding this day . It 's hard because I feel very guarded here since so many people I know read this . I don 't want to come off as a " drama queen " and yet I don 't feel like I could even do justice to how I 'm feeling because of my lack of writing skills . So I feel pressure to write something really moving but even if I come up with it my family ( and by family I mostly mean my husband ) will just roll their eyes at me for being so dramatic . I also feel like I owe it to Madison and Jackson to document how I feel . I have no idea how my parents felt about anything except for my high school graduation and dropping me off at college for the first time when my mother and I cried our eyes out . This is a major transition in our lives and they deserve to know how I feel about it . Anyway , I 'm a wreck . I can 't remember if I posted about their last day at pre - school in June but I was a sobbing mess picking them up that day . I adored that school and their friends , and their teachers will never be topped . Ever . Seriously . They were over the top phenomenal . I think there may have even been a time maybe a year ago or so that I thought I might not even be emotional over them going to kindergarten . I would think of all the crying mothers dropping off their kids and sincerely didn 't think I would react that way . After the last day of pre - school I knew I was completely wrong . Shortly after pre - school ended we went for an orientation at their new elementary school . The four of us went . As we sat in the cafeteria listening to the principle chat with us all and telling us what we could expect I found myself welling up . I was completely caught off guard . I was CRYING . Not on purpose . Not to get attention . I was just overcome with realization that this would be the school that they could potentially spend the next 6 years of their lives . This was a special place and it was very overwhelming for me . I could see the little cafeteria line inside the door to the kitchen which of course brought back memories of my elementary school . After that I focused on soaking up every minute I had left with them as my constant companions . Of course I had my moments over the past 5 years when I seriously needed a break from them . There were times this summer when I seriously needed a break from them but the thought of them not being with me all day every day from now on is so traumatic and depressing for me . I tried so hard to have them , I put my foot down about staying home with them even though it wasn 't always financially comfortable , I spent so much time making memories with them . They mean the world to me and they know it . To go through that much effort over the last NINE years and to have it all taken away tomorrow ( OK , that may be a tad dramatic right there but it 's how I feel , damn it ! ) is devastating for me . Yesterday I took them to their school for their screening which will determine which students are in what class . When we arrived in the room it was a little hectic with all the teachers and students and parents there . We were greeted by a teacher who after pulling their files and going through the whole " you must be twins " thing , confidently stuck her hand out to Jackson to shake his hand and said " You must be Madison ! " Laughter ensued . It was awesome . Another teacher came and took them into the next classroom where the testing was being done and another teacher brought me to a table where I had to fill out two sets of paperwork . After I was done I had nothing to do but observe the room and by then Madison was already out at a table decorating a star that was to be hung on the wall . Once again the tears were streaming down my face . I had to get up to get a tissue . I was at least glad to see I wasn 't the only one . I even saw a dad wipe away a few tears ! ! Eventually Jackson came out to decorate his star and the two of them sat at a table with some of their potential friends . They were all very quiet . I ended up chatting with the teacher that took Madison and she had glowing things to say about her . She 's so eager to follow direction , very articulate , and drew the best person she 's ever seen at any kindergarten screening ! I didn 't talk to the teacher that took Jackson so I didn 't get any inside information on him . On the way home I somehow made reference to the fact that I was sad about them starting school . I 'm always so worried about what is too much to tell them and with this I don 't want to put any negative ideas of school in their heads . I made a snap decision that telling them how much they mean to me far outweighed giving them a reason to not want to go to school . I told them I loved them so much and I loved spending time with them and that it made me very sad that I wouldn 't get to see them all day every day . I cried . In front of them . Since screening we 've done a lot of talking about school and turns out Madison is VERY excited . She is very vocal about wanting to go back and learn everything she can . She loved the classroom . Jackson on the other hand said " I don 't want to go . I want to stay home with Mama ! " Uh - Oh . After explaining that he was going to bring his lunch box he was on board . So tonight I spent hand - writing a list of 100 books that they / we have read ( 2x50 ) , writing their names on their towels for rest time , their lunch boxes , their back packs , their pencil cases , their composition notebooks , their folders , as well as packing my first ever school lunch . ( whole milk vanilla yogurt , peanuts , and snapea crisps for Jackson and whole milk vanilla yogurt , raspberries , blueberries , and peanuts for Madison and water in their water bottles ) They had a bath before bed and after I put Madison 's hair in curlers for her to sleep on . I bought her new bows . I haven 't picked out their outfits yet which is the one thing I envisioned doing way ahead of time . I don 't even have any thoughts now . I 'll have to wing it in the morning . Chris is on vacation this week so he will be with us for the big day / drop off and he sure as hell better muster up every ounce of patience he has for my picture taking because there will be lots ! Hopefully we will get some breakfast after ? Then I have a meeting with a wedding client so I 'm really hoping that will distract me from wanting to curl up in a ball and cry . Wish me luck ! At the gym the kids go to there is an upstairs balcony that looks down over the whole gym . I always sit up there and watch them / work / chat with other moms . Every time they have class they have to go to the bathroom in the middle of it . There is a single bathroom inside the gym that we all can see but there is a larger bathroom that has a couple of stalls in it in a back hallway . I don 't know why but they always seem to leave the gym and go to the one in the back hallway . So today I saw Madison leave the gym so I was keeping an eye to see if she came back . It had been too long so I went downstairs and leisurely looked around for her . There were a couple of coaches behind the desk and a bunch of parents watching kids from that room ( directly below where the balcony is ) . As I 'm standing there looking out in the gym to see if she made it back out there while I was making my way down the stairs I hear screaming . I hear it again and this time I realize it 's really really bad . I realize it 's coming from the back hallway and then recognize Madison 's blood curdling scream . I said out loud in a panic " What is that ? " as I ran past parents who could clearly hear the screaming yet just stood there . I have to admit I 100 % expected to find Madison in the bathroom with her leotard stuck and just screaming because she needed help ( which would have been sad enough ) . I burst through the heavy door to find her behind it holding out her hand to me . As I looked down I seriously almost passed out at the sight of the tip of her thumb as flat as it could be and white . I was desperately trying to get her to tell me what happened but all I could get was that it was stuck in the door some how . I whisked her up and out of the bathroom ( where still no one had followed me to see what was going on ) , back past the parents who asked if she was ok . I said " she crushed her thumb " . I went back around the front of the desk with a screaming child and no one that was behind the desk even looked at us ! I went around another corner to go to an office wherMadison eventually stopped crying and I brought her down to a table with me where I sat in a chair with her wrapped around me just hugging her . I was really trying to hold back the tears . Jackson 's coach sat down with us and as he put a bandaid on Madison 's thumb told me a story about how when he was a toddler his mother left him in his crib to go to sleep . She was making him cry it out but it was taking too long so she went in to find him dangling on the outside of the crib because his arm was stuck ! He was trying to make my mommy guilt feel better . I felt so horrible that I hadn 't gone down sooner . I still don 't know how long she was stuck there unable to move . Ugh , the things my nightmares are made of . . . Eventually I brought her back to the bathroom to see if I could get a better understanding of how she got stuck . She walked me through it all . . . She was in a stall . When she was done she needed to pull up her leotard but didn 't have room in the stall so she went out in the main part of the bathroom . The big heavy door to the bathroom was propped all the way open with a door stopper . Since it was open she wanted to not be visible to the hallway so she went BEHIND the door . While she was in there she was leaning on the moulding of the door with her thumb in the small opening at the hinge of the door . She inadvertently kicked the door stopper out and the door shut crushing her poor , teeny , adorable thumb . When we went back out to gather our things a lady said " I hope she feels better ! " I realized it was the lady who had been helping us . I said " Were YOU the one helping us ? I had no idea who it was ! Thank you so much ! " She said " I know what it 's like , you 're knees turn to jello ! " I thanked her again and we all left . I really hadn 't looked at it and figured I should take a peek before she went to bed . It certainly wasn 't flat anymore ! It didn 't look too bad but when I compared it to her other thumb you could really see the difference . I gave her some tylenol before she went to bed so hopefully the swelling will go down . This week I had a photo session scheduled in Falmouth . Since Nana Fitzy lives in Falmouth I asked Nana if she would come down for a few days with the kids and me for a little vacation . Might as well stay a while if I 'm going to drive all that way for a session ! The session was on Friday so we left Tuesday after gymnastics . The harbormaster gave us some bread to feed the ducks . That was fun . We ducked in and out of a few shops then got back on a bus to Vineyard Haven to take the boat back to Falmouth . We were all pretty beat when we got back home . When I put the kids to bed that night they were in separate beds . When I went up to go to bed this is how they were ! ! They just melt me sometimes ! So turns out my client 's family had the stomach bug and had to cancel the shoot on Friday . So we packed up early and were on the road around 12 : 30 . We made a stop at Ikea to check out furniture and had lunch there . That place is just amazing ! By the time we got back on the road we were stuck in lots of traffic . : - ( Since starting at Yellow Jackets in October - ish Madison and Jackson have both improved incredibly . They were both in 1 . 5 hour class once a week and they actually look like budding gymnasts now ! The last session ended in June and I planned on taking the summer off so we could have an open schedule to do fun stuff . I was also looking forward to a financial break . Then their instructors asked if they would stay on and do a " team prep " session for the summer . I said OK because they both said they wanted to continue with class . Then I found out the class was TWO days a week . I said yes again and even though my bank account is not happy about it it 's been such a great thing . After a pretty big scare I settled into my 10 hour flight to LAX . I think I mostly listened to the hunger games , ate some food and tried to get some sleep . Now since I had left Japan on Monday afternoon and my flight was 10 hours I told my cousin , Maria ( actually my father 's cousin who is closer to my age ) that I would be arriving on Tuesday morning ( I knew I was going to have a 24 hour layover in LA so she agreed to pick me up and hang out with me and let me stay at her place and bring me back to the airport ! ) . As we landed in LA the pilot said " Welcome to Los Angeles on this beautiful Monday morning " . My jaw dropped . Remember that day I lost when I went to Japan ? Yeah , I found it on my way back . I frantically called my cousin who asked me if I was just leaving Japan and I said " NOOOO ! ! ! I 'm in LA ! ! ! " Thank god she was around that day and was able to come straight to the airport to get me . By the time I got my suitcase and got to the curb she was right there waiting for me ! She was such a trooper for not being prepared for me . She took me back to her house in Long Beach so I could freshen up then she took me to lunch at a mexican restaurant on the water . It was so nice to have a margarita and catch up with my cousin . We walked around the area a little bit then drove south to Huntington Beach where I got to put my feet in the Pacific Ocean for the first time ! We walked out to the end of the pier then had dinner at Duke 's where we met up with Maria 's brother , his wife and two little boys , another cousin and her husband , and my grandmother 's brother . It 's wild to spend time with him ( I 've only seen him once since I 've been an adult ) because he looks just like her and they have the same Spanish accent . They are so cute ! On our way out of the restaurant we ended up seeing the bassist for Van Halen . After that I really wanted to see Hollywood so Maria was nice enough to drive me there and show me the main tourist stops . Outside of Grauman 's Chinese Theater I saw Darth Vader , Iron Man , and Spider Man . I just hopped outThe flight from LA to Boston was great . I got in around 5pm and Chris picked me up . Since we all thought I was coming in on WEDNESDAY , we decided to surprise the kids . They had been with Nana that day since Chris was at work so he picked me up and brought me there . I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited to see them . I kept day dreaming of what our reunion was going to be like . It didn 't disappoint . It turns out Chris didn 't tell anybody I was coming home that day so it was a surprise for everyone including my parents who happened to be visiting the kids at Chris 's parents ' house when I got there . When I hugged Jackson he was on fire ! He had just come down with a fever / cold that day so lucky me got sick the next day followed by Madison . We were all miserable for a week . Although it stunk that we were sick it couldn 't have come at a better time because we were leaving for Disney World in less than two weeks ! You know the monkey bars at the playground ? The ones that you hang from and move one hand to the next ? Yeah , up until today I thought I was going to have to hold them up until they were 10 . I just couldn 't see how they would ever develop the strength it takes to do it . Well , today ( 7 / 7 / 2012 ) Jackson decided to try by himself and he did it ! ! ! I was so proud of him ! ! Then Madison decided that she could put her face in the water , hold her breath , and " swim " under water ! Again , something I thought they 'd never figure out how to do . Once she started she didn 't want to stop ! Since I had left my house on a Tuesday I was shocked to realize it was Thursday upon my next waking . So weird to lose a day . I woke up at 6 : 30 and facetimed with Chris and the kids . I don 't think they had a chance to miss me yet so it was a good chat . I went down to the lobby for breakfast then decided to go for a walk alone . I walked back to the train station then up another main road that took me to a massive covered fish market . I 've never seen anything like it . Booth after booth of crazy looking fish stuff . There were some produce booths mixed in but it was mostly fish . Kanazawa is a very large city and is a very famous tourist city , but only for other Japanese people . I don 't think I ran into anyone that spoke english . After the fish market I decided to wing it and just started walking back to the hotel through little neighborhoods . I had no idea where I was going . I couldn 't find wifi anywhere but my hotel so I just kept walking back a different way than I came . Eventually I looked around a corner and saw my hotel . I was walking through small alley ways which is where all of the residences were . Everything was impressively clean everywhere I went . I went back to my room for a bit and was able to message Dave to see what was going on . He suggested I try to get to his place since I hadn 't seen it yet . He gave me directions so off I went . I did what I thought he said but clearly I misunderstood his directions . I ended up back at the fish market . I tried to find wifi at starbucks but there wasn 't any ! No one spoke english so they couldn 't help . He said he lived across from a 7 - 11 so I asked where that was . They were able to tell me where that was . I walked for a while more and didn 't find it ! Finally I asked for a pay phone ( translated on an app I had ) so off I went to find that . I somehow managed to get the pay phone to work and Dave met me back at starbucks rather than trying to give me directions again ! We ended up getting lunch at an American restaurant called Blue Moon . We met another American there and chOn Friday I woke up 8 : 30 and facetimed with Chris and the kids . I believe this may have been the chat that Jackson cried during . It was heartbreaking and I cried right along with him . Then I went to the lobby for breakfast , edited for a bit . Dave and Miho wanted to put some of the images we took onto digital frames as gifts for her parents and Dave 's mom so I went to their apartment for a few hours . I managed to finish editing and put their favorites on the frames . We had a late lunch at a place next to the hotel with Miho , Dave and Dave 's mom . It reminded me of a Denny 's . We took taxi to the shrine to learn some things about the ceremony . Dave and Miho and I walked to the restaurant where the reception was going to be to drop some things off . We sat with Dave while he got something vegetarian to eat so the rest of the group could be free to go anywhere for dinner . We met up with the rest of the group and went to a restaurant in a basement after walking around for a good hour trying to find a place that could fit us all . Dave helped me order food which was absolutely delicious . I think they were dumplings of some sort . I was so tired I couldn 't wait for everyone to be done so I got a cab back to the hotel at 8 : 30 . I was absolutely beat ! Saturday was the big day ! Unfortunately I woke up at 4 : 30 couldn 't get back to sleep : - ( I updated my blog ( with the previous post ) until it was time to get ready . I also facetimed with the kids again and this time they were both HYSTERICAL . It sounded like their limbs were being ripped off . So I cried then too . Then I had to get ready for the wedding ! I went to their apartment where Miho and Dave were getting ready . Miho was getting her hair and makeup done . I took some pictures there then we went to the kimono shop so they could get dressed in their outfits for the ceremony . I thought it was interesting that they needed to be dressed by someone . I never knew it wasn 't something you could do yourself ! It was so awesome to watch the whole process . It probably took about 45 minutes just for Miho to get in hers then Dave had to go . Once they were dressed we got in a taxi and went to the shrine . One thing I found interesting was how they stayed together until just before the ceremony started . When we got to the shrine they went outside where someone from the shrine followed them around with a large red umbrella while all of the guests gathered outside and watched them . Eventually they brought them back in to sign some documents and then separated them . The guests were brought into the room and then the immediate family came in followed by Dave and Miho . The ceremony was so interesting even though I didn 't understand a word of it ! It was such a privilege to be included in it . I will most likely never see anything like it again . After the ceremony everyone filed outside once again and paraded up the hill next to the shrine to Kanazawa Castle , Dave and Miho under the red umbrella . When we got up to the castle it was so crowded with tourists ! ! We tried to get some photos on the bridge where I had done some of the pre wedding photos but it was so crowded I needed my wide angle lens because I couldn 't get far enough away from them ! It was a little hectic at that point . We went inside the castle walls where there was a festival going on and took a group shot of everyone . At that point there was a couple hour break before we needed to be back at the restaurant for the reception . I ended up staying at the castle and waited there . I took some crazy pictures of a hawk that was dive bombing peoples ' food . Then I was hungry so I went across to the tourist area where there were vendors set up . I got some noodles . During this time Dave and Hiho had gone home to change into a suite and white wedding gown then we all met up back at the Italian restaurant for dinner . The wedding was small , around 40 people which made for a nice intimate gathering . They had a large screen where they were showing a slideshow of pictures of each of them throughout their lives . I was so happy to see myself in a couple of them : - ) After the festivities at the restaurant ( around 8pm ) a group of people were heading to a biker bar with karaoke . As much fun as it sounded like my body just couldn 't take it . I don 't know if it was jet lag or just all the walking I 'd been doing but I just couldn 't keep my eyes open . I took a taxi back to the hotel . Sunday was my last full day in Kanazawa . I decided I wanted to explore alone ! I chatted with Chris and the kids , then breakfast they off I went to Kanazawa Station to catch a loop tour bus . There are about 13 stops throughout the city and you can just get on and off all day long for 500 yen ( roughly $ 5 ) . I rode the bus the entire loop first to see where I wanted to go . The second time through I got off by the river in a quiet residential area . I walked on a path along the river to a main road where the loop bus ended up . I was trying to wait for one to come by so I could get on because my back was bothering me but the traffic was so bad I just didn 't see one coming . I decided I 'd just walk to the next stop ( which was the castle ) since I knew where I was . I sat for a while and watched people and did some shopping for things to bring back for the kids etc . That whole area was so crowded it was hard even to just walk . Thinking back to the first day I went there I was amazed at how few people were there then . Once I said goodbye to the castle I went and waited for the bus . At that point I didn 't care how long it took to come , the next place I wanted to go was way too far to walk . One eventually came and the next stop I got off at was again at the river in a residential area . This area had a huge bank of grass all along the river where people were having picnics . The cherry trees were lining the banks and on the other side of the river was the mountains . The view was spectacular . I sat there for a long time just soaking it all up . At that point I knew I was close to the indian food restaurant that we ate at earlier in the week and I HAD to go back . I sat at the stools in the front room where there was one other person . I didn 't want to leave it was so good ! I pried myself away and went back to the closest bus stop and rode it back to the station . I was definitely exhausted . I hung out in my room ( which I loved by the way . . . it was tiny and perfect for me ) for a while until a group of us were going to go to dinner at a Posted by So I made the trip just fine . Chris dropped me off at the airport and since I had stayed up most of the night to ensure I fell asleep on the plane I was a bit emotional . I couldn 't stop sobbing . He felt so bad . It went mostly smoothly and the flights went by much faster than I thought they would . First I flew to Washington DC and I barely got a chance to do anything . I think I listened to a little bit of the twilight audio book and then they said we were getting ready to land ! I easily made my way to the gate for the flight to Tokyo . While I was waiting to board I was able to get on wifi and chat with people . That flight took off about 40 minutes late because they were installing an electrical outlet for someone who needed it for a CPAP machine . I needed it for mine too but because I didn 't tell them ahead of time I couldn 't have my own but they were nice enough to let me share with the other person . HAHA ! So we get on the plane and it 's a cigarette lighter plug which neither of us could use so they spent more time trying to find an adapter but couldn 't , then the person who did arrange for this ahead of time was pissed and wanted to know what they could do for her so they kept leaving to find out something and coming back to tell her there was nothing they could do . She handled it very well . We finally took off . The lady next to me and I talked quite a bit which made time go by . I listed to a little of catching fire , watched girl with the dragon tattoo , slept on and off for 6 hours . There was no way for me to get comfortable since my tailbone still bothers me from when I fell off the horse last year . We had two meals during the flight . not the best food in the world but it did the trick . Sooner than I thought it was time to land in Tokyo 14 hours after we took off . Once I was off the plane I went through immigration which was really simple then I was off to find my gate . I definitely got lost doing that but was able to ask someone where the gate was and I found it just fine . There was a food place where I got some lo mein to eat . It was yummy ! I tried to find wifi but couldn 't get any there . I started to watch a show while waiting and then it was time to board . I was shocked to walk past the agent to see a bus . We got on a bus and drove out to the tiny airplane . At that point I wasn 't nervous about flying anymore . I got on the plane and immediately fell asleep until we landed in Komatsu . I was a little worried about how I was going to manage at Komatsu because I needed to find the bus to Kanazawa Station but I also needed to find an ATM ! The people didn 't speak english but were easily able to help me . I got my money , went out to the bus and as soon as I got on it took off like it was waiting for me . The bus ride was about 30 minutes and when I arrived at Kanazawa in the evening , dave met me at the bus , checked me into my hotel , then we went to dinner at mall near at station where Miho , his brother , sister in law , and two other friends were already eating . I got a salad type thing since I wasn 't feeling overly hungry . After that we all walked back to the hotel and I went to bed ! I 'm leaving in the morning for Japan . I 'm nervous . I wish I wasn 't because I 'm old enough to know that worrying doesn 't help anything . I 'm nervous to fly . I 'm nervous hat I will forget something . I 'm nervous to leave the kids and of course chris . This will be the longest I 've ever been away from any of themBut I AM looking forward to solitude . The 24 hour trip each way is going to be so nice to just be me . Sent from my iPhone Here are the cakes . They were about $ 17 each . I adore my cake lady . Every year before the party I have to drive to Gloucester to get them then to Haverhill for the party but it 's well worth it . I send her some general ideas and this is what she comes up with . The first was last Monday for an Alfresco chicken sausage commercial . We got there and Madison wanted nothing to do with it . She wouldn 't take her head out of my arm or talk to anybody . I was flipping out mad on the inside . We literally had to leave because she refused to go in . There was a very strong voice telling me not to leave . I had to figure out a way to get her to go back in . I ended up calling chris 's mother to see if she could convince her to go back up . She promised to take her to the Museum of Science and she went back up there like a different person . She did awesome and they actually called her back . At the callback she was super happy to be there . I think they had called back 8 girls . They told me that night that they want her for the shoot but she is the alternate so she might not even be filmed . She has a fitting tomorrow and filming is Thursday at 6 AM ? ? Who 's idea was that ? ? So this one job will consist of 4 trips into Boston for me . Not really sure it 's worth the money she 'll make as an alternate : - S The other audition was for a baby alive commercial . What a cattle call that was ! The place was crawling with adorable little girls . I haven 't heard back on that one yet but it 's been a while so I 'm assumed she wasn 't called back for it . This was another product that Madison shot last summer . I found it at Walmart . It 's just a small sticker on the product so the image isn 't very impressive but still very cool ! These were the pancakes they ordered this morning . They even put food coloring in Jacksons to make it look like a real light saber . Yeah , I know , it resembles something else too . Jackson at the comic store . I love how interested he is in them . Not much makes this boy sit still ( well , except for TV and video games ) so I love to see him sit and study them . |
It is a lovely place for a horse farm , " Carissa Lowe told her sister . She glanced around the lush , green acreage . The serenity found here spoke to her in a way the city hadn 't . " I can certainly see why Brandon loves it so . " " Well , I love it even more now that you and Gloria have decided to join us . I 'm glad that Mother and Father decided to go north to see Uncle Robert . The trip away from Corpus Christi will do Mother a world of good . " Carissa glanced to where her nearly two - year - old daughter , Gloria , played happily with Laura and Brandon 's little boy , Daniel . At a year and a half , he cautiously explored his environment , while Gloria had seemingly no fear whatsoever . Even now she was trying to climb the rail posts of the nearest fence . " Gloria , get down from there , " Carissa called . " You know you aren 't supposed to climb the fence . " In the distance she heard the low rumble of thunder . Daniel wiggled to get away , but Laura held him fast . Carissa stroked her daughter 's blond hair and smiled as she calmed . " Just take a very little nap , and then we will go see the new horses . " " After your nap , " Carissa assured . Thunder rumbled once again , and Carissa looked beyond the trees to the billowing clouds on the horizon . They didn 't seem particularly threatening or dark , but apparently a storm was brewing . " I suppose it 's going to rain , " she told her sister . Clapping had become Gloria 's new means of communication , and she gave a hearty applause at the comment about rain . " I 'll be there to tuck you in , Gloria . Just get on your bed and wait for me . " Carissa leaned over to kiss her daughter 's head , then hurried to retrieve the laundry basket . She couldn 't help but smile as she thought about her child . Thunder and winds never seemed to disturb Gloria , and Carissa couldn 't help but wonder if it was somehow related to the fact that Gloria had been conceived and carried amidst great strife and trial . Daniel often cried during storms , but not Gloria . Storms were just a way of life for Carissa and Gloria . There were just a few dresses and shirts to contend with , so Carissa pulled them quickly from the line and placed them in the basket . There was a nice table on the back porch where she could dump the load and come back for the towels . She worked quickly and barely beat the rain as she pulled the last of the towels from the line . By the time she made it back to the house , the rain began to pour in a fury . She left the towels on the table with the other things and made her way to the room she shared with Gloria . To her surprise , the child was already asleep , and Carissa couldn 't help but sit down beside her for a moment . It was a miracle the child had ever been born . Gloria 's father , Malcolm Lowe , had thrown Carissa down a flight of stairs when she was only a few weeks pregnant . She 'd been certain she would miscarry , but when she didn 't , Carissa thought of the unborn child as her consolation for a miserable marriage . A short time later , her husband again threatened her life . Though she 'd fallen for his charms as they courted , Malcolm had revealed his true nature once they 'd wed . With the Union Army after him , he 'd done his best to slip from their capture by kidnapping Carissa and Laura , figuring to use them to keep the law at bay . He also planned to kill them both for interfering in his plans . Later , when surrounded by soldiers , Malcolm attempted to escape by water and ended up throwing Carissa into the Gulf off the shores of Corpus Christi , in order to distract his pursuers . But that distraction had been short - lived . In the end , Malcolm had perished from wounds given him by the soldiers . Laura , too , had nearly drowned , but Brandon had saved her . Tyler Atherton had been responsible for rescuing Carissa . Carissa quietly exited the bedroom and walked to the front - room window to look out on the storm . Thunder rumbled again and again while the rain steadily fell . Just a spring storm , she thought . Hopefully there wouldn 't be any hail or tornadoes to contend with . She sighed and watched a bit longer at the window . She had never intended to live here on the farm with Laura and Brandon . For the last two years she 'd resided with her parents in Corpus Christi and quite happily vowed to remain there . Well , perhaps happy wasn 't a word that Carissa could associate with her life . She had never felt all that close to her mother and father , and she knew full well that the fault was her own . Widowhood and being a mother had softened her heart in a way that made Carissa regret her actions in the past . With Malcolm dead at the hands of the army , Carissa was grateful for her parents ' care and accepted that widowhood would be her lot in life . In fact , she cherished it . She never again wanted to have to deal with a deceiving husband . Instead , she would use her days to be a good mother and perhaps improve her relationship with her parents . Of course , despite her resolve , the men didn 't keep from calling . She had never suffered for suitors . But after Malcolm , Carissa was wary of any man save her father , brother - in - law , and Tyler Atherton - and in truth she hadn 't had many dealings with the latter . After he had saved her life , Carissa had seen very little of the man , and it was just as well . Something about Tyler 's gentle manner touched her heart in a way she would just as soon forget . She reasoned she only felt drawn to him because he 'd saved her life . It seemed a sensible explanation . Carissa could never quite understand his insistence until the truth came out and she learned that for Malcolm , the War Between the States had never ended . Brandon once told her that it hadn 't ended for a lot of people . Even now , nearly three years after Lee 's surrender at Appomattox Courthouse , folks were still at war . At least their own personal war . Fortunately , Carissa 's family were Union supporters . So , too , were many of the families in their social circle of Corpus Christi . There were plenty of Confederates , but also a good number of people who simply supported Texas rather than siding with either the North or the South . Carissa knew that Tyler Atherton had fought for the South , just as her husband had . But where Malcolm had been made hateful and bitter by the war , Tyler was sad and regretful . She much preferred the latter 's way of thinking . She couldn 't see how either side had truly won anything , given that families had been set against each other and hundreds of thousands of lives had been lost . Laura smiled . " Yes . He was very tired and despite the storm , he nodded right off . I hope this next baby is a little . . . calmer , " she said , putting her hand to her growing abdomen . " But no matter . August can 't get here soon enough , and I 'm so glad that you 're here to help . Already I feel as though I 've been carrying this one forever . " " The baby will be here before you know it . " Carissa forced a smile and went to the sewing basket . " Besides , I thought the doctor told you that you might well expect to deliver in July . " Carissa nodded , knowing just how confining a pregnancy could be . " I 'll work just a little while on this mending , and then after the storm passes I 'll start the ironing . I think I 'll iron on the porch . Maybe the air will be cooler after the rain . " " I 've been thinking we 're going to need to make some new curtains for the upstairs bedrooms once Brandon finishes painting them . Goodness , but there is so much work to do on this place . I had thought it to be in perfect condition until we actually moved in . It seems my list of things to do only grows . " " Still , it 's very nice . " Carissa picked up one of Brandon 's shirts and began to fix a loose button . " And I am grateful that you are allowing me to stay all through the spring and summer . I had no desire to travel with Mother and listen to her rant about all the injustices of the world and instruct me in mothering Gloria . My patience has been wearing thin . " Carissa paused in her work . " I suppose I deserve it . I 've been hard on her . . . so I 'm trying to use our time together to mend some of the tears in our past . " Laura met her gaze and nodded . " I 'm glad you 're here all the same . I missed you so much , Carissa . Leaving Corpus Christi wasn 't easy for Brandon or me . I truly loved teaching , though when the Freemen 's Bureau took over education issues for the former slaves , our little school became obsolete . I suppose it was for the best , since I was expecting Daniel , but nevertheless , I do miss teaching . " Laura walked to the window . " Looks like the storm has passed . It 's raining very lightly now . " She dropped the curtain back in place . " I 'll get the irons heating and then start supper . " Laura took a few steps , then turned back . " I 'm hopeful that once the horse farm begins to support itself , we 'll be able to at least hire a good cook . " When Carissa said nothing more , Laura left the room . It wasn 't Carissa 's intention to slight her sister , but she had no desire for conversation and pleasantries . For the last two years Carissa had been longing to find peace of heart , but that peace seemed to elude her . At night when she slept . . . if she slept . . . she continued to have nightmares about all that had happened in her brief marriage to Malcolm . She silently wondered if the bad memories would ever leave her . Mother had always told her daughters that dwelling on lovely things would cause bad thoughts to disappear . Carissa never found it to be completely true , but always tried to embrace the practice . Yet even now as the storm faded and Gloria slept , Carissa struggled to think of the good things in life . I 'm safe , and I have a beautiful daughter . Father and Mother have blessed me with a monthly income , and I needn 't worry about finding a new husband , unless Mother gets a bee in her bonnet - which she has been known to do . Carissa sighed and tried again to think positive thoughts . I have a home here for the time , and it 's a beautiful place . And I have the love of Laura and Brandon , as well as Mother and Father . Why wasn 't it enough ? She thought momentarily of Tyler Atherton . He was a compassionate man ; even in their early acquaintance , when Carissa had been self - centered and immature , Tyler had been patient and kind . She couldn 't help but wonder how he was doing . Brandon mentioned that he lived not so far away on the Barnett ranch . Tyler 's own family property had been confiscated for his having served with the Confederate troops . She thought it unfair , as did William Barnett , Tyler 's good friend . Barnett had immediately gone to plead on Tyler 's behalf , but so far it hadn 't rectified the situation . For now , Tyler worked and lived with him . " Mr . Atherton . " For a moment she couldn 't think of what else to say . Finally she stepped back . " Won 't you come in ? " " Thank you , " he said , pulling his hat off . Water sprinkled Carissa 's face and gown . " Oh . . . I 'm . . . I 'm so sorry . " He slapped the hat against his thigh to release more water . " The rain has stopped , but I 'm afraid I rode through the worst of it . " He pulled off his rain slicker and threw it over the porch rail . " At least most of me stayed pretty dry . " " If you came to see my brother - in - law , you 're too late . He isn 't here . He rode out to someone 's ranch to look at stock . He should be home for supper . " Carissa smiled and tried to sound nonchalant . " And if you came for supper . . . well , you 're early . " He laughed . " I did come to see Brandon , but that can wait . Perhaps you 'd grant me the pleasure of your company and tell me how you 've been . It 's been a very long time since we last met . I ran into Brandon at the mercantile the other day , and he mentioned that you 'd be staying the summer . " " Yes , that is the plan . Mother and Father traveled to Chicago , then plan to go abroad until September . I chose to come here to be with Laura and Brandon . I believe I can make myself useful to them . " " I 'd like that . " Tyler smiled in that warm , casual way he possessed . Carissa had always liked his smile and couldn 't help but return it . " Why don 't I have Laura come speak with you about Brandon . " She stepped back from the entryway . " You can wait for her in the front room . " Carissa motioned for him to follow . Carissa looked at the shirt and then back to Tyler . " I suppose . . . for just . . . just a while , " she replied . " I plan to iron clothes as soon as the irons are hot . Now that the rain has stopped , I thought I 'd do so on the porch , where the breeze after the storm might keep things cooler . " She hesitated . Visiting with Tyler Atherton wasn 't exactly what she 'd expected , but she crossed the room and took her seat in a small but comfortable chair . Tyler wasn 't far behind . He grabbed a larger wing - backed chair and pulled it close . " Well enough . I don 't know if you heard or not , but I 'm stayin ' with Will Barnett and his family . " He paused , seeming to carefully weigh his words . " The government took away my ranch . " " I had heard something to that effect . I think it 's wrong of them , " she added quickly . For some reason it felt important that he know her thoughts on the matter . " I 'm sorry to hear that . " And she was , even though it had nothing to do with her . " Can you sell some of the cows and buy new land ? " " The government isn 't all that inclined to help an ex - Reb . That 's why I 'm dependent on William for help . If all else fails , he thinks he 'll buy the ranch , then sell it back to me . " " That 's quite generous . . . and kind . " She looked up again and had a harder time looking away . " He must be a very dear friend . " " He is . We 've been working together since the war ended , and our cattle herds have grown considerably . This last year we moved them north on open range to avoid tick fever . Now our plans are coming together to drive them to sell in Kansas . " " Whoa , right there . You call me Tyler , and I 'll call you Carissa . We 've gone through too much to start puttin ' on airs now . " " And second , cows are females and I have both males and females . My plan is to drive the fattened males - the steers - to market in Kansas because the prices are ten times what I can get here in Texas . William wants to do likewise , and we have another friend , Ted Terry , who also wants in on it . That 's why I came to talk to Brandon today . We 're going to need a good wrangler . Having someone to handle the horses is critical . " " Well , Brandon would definitely be able to do that job . He has a way with horses that I don 't think I 've ever seen before . . . unless , of course , it was my sister 's abilities . I 've never seen anyone quite like Laura dealing with a horse . " " We should rectify that , " Tyler said , grinning . " I 'd be happy to take you out . This is some mighty fine land for riding . " " I doubt you would be quite so happy after spending a day picking me up off the ground and listening to me complaining about all my aches and pains . " She shrugged . " But one can never tell . " " Yes , but he 's due back anytime . Won 't you stay and join us for supper ? I 'm not the best cook in the world , but I am learning . In fact , Carissa has taught me quite a few tricks . " Embarrassed by her sister 's praise , Carissa put aside the sewing . " I 'm going to gather the clothes for ironing . " She left before either could protest . She hated to admit it , but Tyler 's presence flooded her mind with painful longing . She had loved the attention of boys when she 'd been younger . When Malcolm had paid her court , she felt like the belle of Corpus Christi . Men used to fall at her feet if she so much as gave them a second glance , and now she wanted nothing to do with them . But at the same time . . . she was lonely for a man 's attention . She began sorting through a tableful of dried but wrinkled clothes . I must be a glutton for punishment , she thought . To feel things I swore I 'd never allow myself to feel again . What a troublesome woman I 've become . Carissa wadded a calico gown into a roll and stuffed it in the basket . " I 'm perfectly capable . I might not be able to ride horses , but I can keep a house . You might as well rest and wait for Brandon . I 'm sure Laura will fix you some refreshments . " " She 's already offered , " Tyler said , reaching out to take hold of one of Brandon 's shirts . " I told her I can wait until supper and that I 'd just as soon come out here and talk with you . She seemed relieved . " Carissa mashed another gown into the basket and frowned . " I . . . well . . . it is hard for me to make plans . With Gloria , I 'm never certain what I 'll be able to do . " " I suppose it is , " Carissa replied . " I wanted something that sounded pretty , and happy . You probably think me silly , and I couldn 't blame you if you did , but it 's from the Bible when the angels were praising God . Carlita , our maid , was singing a song one day , and I kept hearing her say , ' Gloria in excelsis Deo . ' I asked her what it meant , and she said , ' Glory to God in the highest . ' Only in the Latin , they say Gloria . I thought it made a sweet - sounding name . " " The world feels new after a rain , doesn 't it ? " he asked , looking at her intently . Then , as if he knew her thoughts , he continued . " Makes me want to leave the past firmly behind me , and concentrate only on what 's ahead . To a brighter future . " Tyler intervened . " Yes , I have to say this will be a challenge . William Barnett and I are putting together a cattle drive with another rancher . We 'd like to ask you to come along as our wrangler and handle all the horses . We 'll probably have at least fifteen men for the drive , and with the cook wagon and reserve mounts , there will probably be some seventy to eighty horses . " " Kansas . " Tyler took a bowl of grits and helped himself to a healthy portion . He followed that up with thick chicken gravy and waited for Brandon to digest the news . " How long would a drive like that take ? " Laura asked before Brandon could speak . " We are due to have another baby in August , in case you were unaware . " Tyler smiled . " The drive . . . if we can get everything in order , will start the first or so of April and we should be back by July at the latest , maybe even sooner . We 've heard good reports from the forts along the way , and rivers are crossable for the most part . Those that are still running high will be down considerably by the time we reach them . The boys have already rounded up most of the herd for branding and such , so we 're well on our way to bein ' ready . " Tyler frowned . " Well , that 's the worst of it as far as I 'm concerned . Comanche killed my father and some of his men . I 'm none too inclined to want anything to do with them ; however , there are new rail pens in a town called Abilene in Kansas . That 's pert near straight north of here , not quite five hundred miles . So in order to take the shortest route , we 'll have to deal with the Indians . " " Anywhere from ten to twelve . We don 't push for more than that usually , " Tyler said , meeting her worried expression . " It 's already becomin ' a well - established trail and shouldn 't be all that rough . The hardest part will be finding good grazing if there 's already been a lot of other drives through the area . " " That 's a good average , " Tyler admitted . " Then there 's the ride home . It goes quicker , but it 's still five hundred miles . " He grinned . " So we figure about ninety days . " Tyler laughed . " She would make a good businesswoman . The drovers are gettin ' about thirty - five dollars a month and can bring some of their own cattle if they have them . Your cut would be considerably more because a wrangler gets better pay . Of course , you 'd have to be able to shoe and doctor up any animal that needed attention . The trails are hard on the mounts . " " We 'd take care of feeding you and providing the equipment needed , " Tyler added . " The pay is one hundred dollars a month due to you after the beeves are sold in Abilene . And that includes payin ' you for the return trip . Will said , too , that if we get a really high price for the beeves there will be bonuses for everyone . " Tyler laughed . " You 'll earn it . You 'll also need a couple of other men to help you with the horses . William 's got some good men who can help , but you 'll no doubt want to meet them and get to know them . That 's why I 'm here . William was hoping that if you 're of a mind to join us , you might come on over next Saturday for a bit of a meeting . Bring the family . Hannah - that 's Will 's wife - plans to prepare a feast for everyone . " " I don 't like the idea of you going away and traveling off through Indian land , but I realize we could use the money , with another baby on the way . " She looked at their son and smiled as he stuffed a piece of buttered corn bread in his mouth . He managed to mash more of the bread between his fingers than he actually got in his mouth . Tyler couldn 't help but grin at the boy . He seemed so happy with his accomplishment . But it was Gloria Lowe who truly held his attention . He turned toward the little blond - haired girl . She sat very manageably on her mother 's lap while Daniel was in a feeding chair between his mother and father . Tyler nodded . " He 'll be glad to hear it . Ted Terry , too . They want to get under way as soon as possible . You 'll get a chance to meet Ted and his wife , Marietta , on Saturday . They own a large ranch to the west and north of Will 's . And here 's something else to interest you even more : You could buy additional horses for your farm in Abilene . " " I was just thinking on that , but maybe not in the way you were , " Brandon admitted . " I was thinking that I could have my father ship some of his stock to Abilene . I could pick them up at the rail station and bring them back with us to Texas . " Tyler could hear the worry in her voice . " Yes , ma ' am . The army is keeping a good eye on the Indian nations . The renegades are still likely to raid , but the army is working to keep them contained . " " It did , and it wasn 't all that far north of here . " He couldn 't hide the anger in his voice . " It was much like when they killed my pa . Renegades attacked , robbed the place , burned everything , and killed those in their way . Only three men managed to survive the attack on our ranch . In the case of what happened in January , I 'm told some of the women and children were taken hostage . No doubt to be traded . " " Other tribes . Mexican bandits . " Tyler shook his head . " Seems there are always those who are looking to take a slave no matter the color of their skin . " " No , not usually . It 's more likely they kill everyone . That 's how it was at our place . . . at least that 's what they tried to do . " Tyler picked up his chicken and began to eat . " But I thought you said your mother and sister were alive . At least I thought I remembered you telling me that once . Were they not on the ranch when the Indians attacked ? " Carissa asked . " They are alive . Thankfully they were in Dallas with me and my grandfather when the Comanche attacked the house . I thought eventually we 'd all return to the ranch , but Mother decided to go east to live with her cousin after my grandfather passed on . She said Texas made her far too sad . My sister , Lenore , married and now lives in Georgia . I was sorry to see them go , but now I 'm just as glad they did . Since the government took my land , I 'm hardly in a position to support them , but I do try to send my mother a little money . Hopefully after this cattle drive , I can send her more than just a little . " Tyler shrugged . " It 's a long story . Even my pa wanted to stay out of the war . He was of a mind like Sam Houston - that Texas had no business goin ' to war . After Pa died , my grandfather and I fully planned to rebuild the ranch . " He fell silent . " The war put an end to that . First because it took me away from the ranch . Then because my participation took the ranch away from me . " Brandon shook his head and answered before Tyler could . " No , he fought against the United States . They won 't allow him to have land . At least not here . I don 't know for sure how they 're doing it elsewhere . You have to sign a paper stating that you never bore arms against the United States . " " As I told Mr . Atherton . . . Tyler , " Carissa began , " I think it very unfair that he should be treated that way . I wish there was something we could do to help him . " " Well , we will just have to put our heads together and see what can be accomplished , " Brandon replied . " I have good friends who served with the Union and some are in fairly high places now . Perhaps they might help . " " If Texas were to revert to being a republic again , you might easily be able to get your land back , " Laura suggested . " As I understand it , there are many who want exactly that . They feel slighted that Texas has not yet officially been allowed back in the Union . " " We aren 't like other states , " Tyler admitted . " Never will be . This state is made up of folks who know what it is to have to fight for their very existence . Texas isn 't for the faint of heart . Even so , I doubt we 'll ever see a return to our republic days . I doubt Texas will ever be like it used to be . " The next morning Tyler awoke in William 's house to the smell of side meat and coffee . He smiled and quickly dressed . Hannah was in the kitchen with Juanita , her housekeeper and cook , when Tyler strolled in . He made an exaggerated effort to draw in a long deep breath . He grabbed a mug . " I think this may well be my favorite time of day . I 'd all but forgotten what it was like to have a woman in the house . Camping on the battlefield doesn 't exactly allow for the comforts of home . " " No , I 'm sure it doesn 't . " Hannah turned with a platter of scrambled eggs and grits . " If you take a seat , I 'll bring you some breakfast . " William rubbed his right leg , as he often did since taking a war bullet . Mornings seemed worse for him , and stiffness caused his limp to be more pronounced . " I wasn 't sure you 'd be up this early . By the time I went to bed last night , you still weren 't home . " There was a hint of disapproval in William 's voice and that only caused Tyler to laugh . " I wasn 't out whoopin ' it up , if that 's what you 're worried about . I had dinner at the Reid farm . I think Brandon is going to do the job for us . " Hannah joined them , bringing a plate of corn bread and one of side meat . Juanita followed behind with the coffeepot . She quickly refilled Tyler 's cup and then turned to William 's . " We 're pleased , " Hannah admitted . " And now we know there will be new young ones . I like having more and more children in the area . That 's how you settle a community . Families are the best way to civilize the land . " Tyler took up a piece of warm corn bread and cut it open . Without being prompted , Hannah forked a piece of side meat and held it out to Tyler . He grinned and grabbed the greasy piece with his fingers . " You know me pretty well , don 't you ? " He stuffed the meat between the pieces of corn bread . " Sometimes I 'm mighty sorry Will got your attention first . " Hannah laughed . " William would probably tell you that life with me is not all that you might imagine . " She cast a quick glance at her husband . William 's expression was one that suggested he knew better than to speak on the matter . He headed out the back door and crossed the yard to the horse barn . Cutting through the structure , Tyler continued through the maze of outbuildings to the first of three large pens . The boys were standing around talking to one of the greenhorns . Tyler eyed the man who 'd formerly been under his command in the Confederate army . " Now , John , you know it 's not fair to expect a new man to know everything . Especially not one that hailed from the city . " " So it 's true ? " Newt asked , his eyes widening . " You really have to learn to slide under a steer ? I ain 't never heard of it . " For a moment Tyler thought of exposing the hoax and then thought better of it . The boys were just having fun . " To work this ranch you have to learn a great deal you 've probably never heard of . " " Boss is right , " Grubbs continued . " You never know when you 'll find yourself in the middle of a bad situation . I 've seen many a man trampled by steers for lack of knowin ' how to escape ' em . " Andy Dandridge , Hannah 's brother , came to stand beside Tyler . " I had to learn it , " he told the greenhorn . A shock of white - blond hair blew over his left eye , prompting Andy to push it off his face in annoyance . " Andy 's learned just about everything a fella can learn on a ranch . You should probably pay close attention to him . He 's gonna be on the drive north with us . " The seventeen - year - old didn 't seem too pleased to yield to a mere boy . Tyler , however , knew that Andy Dandridge had skills that nearly equaled any man on the place . William had taken Andy under his wing after marrying Hannah , and the two were inseparable . William was even allowing Andy to put his studies aside and join them on the drive . Andy was to be one of the paid drovers , and Tyler thought this was just fine . Hannah , however , was harder to convince . Newt looked back at the men . " Well , I guess if I need to learn this steer sliding , I 'd best get busy . What do I gotta do ? " Grubbs crossed his arms . " First ya gotta get used to slidin ' . Sometimes it 's hard to master . We have a fella practice slidin ' in the dirt first . No sense having any obstacles in the way until you get that down . Andy , why don 't you demonstrate how a fella should slide . " Tyler smiled as Andy quickly jumped the fence and jogged across the now empty pen . " You want to lead with whatever leg you favor , " Andy called . Then without further ado , the boy took off running . About twelve feet from the fence , Andy stuck out his right leg and hit the dirt . Just as he reached the fence , Andy grabbed the bottom rail and used it to pull himself under . He skidded across the remaining distance and came to rest at the feet of the greenhorn . " It 's just that easy , " Grubbs said , nodding in approval . " But like I said , I would just try slidin ' for now . You can practice that anywhere . When you get the hang of it - you can try it with the fence . " Tyler and the other men nodded . Newt frowned . " It doesn 't look all that easy . I thought for sure you were gonna hit your head on that fence . " " The boy 's got that right , " Grubbs said as the other men nodded . Tyler turned away lest his smile cause the greenhorn to question the validity of their statements . He 'd seen this trick played on more than one new man . It was just the boys ' way of having some good - natured fun , and God knew that by the time they reached Abilene , they 'd all be in need of diversion . Carissa sat down for the first time that day and decided a bit of rest was in order . She 'd risen at five that morning and now seven hours later was more than ready for a bite of lunch . She looked at Gloria , who was happily playing with a collection of wooden thread spools that Laura had been saving . Carissa smiled and pushed back the child 's blond ringlets . " I do , too , but the soup is hot and ready for us to eat . Let 's just have a little and then we can have cookies . Come on . " She got to her feet and lifted Gloria in her arms . She looked at her daughter and nodded . " Yes . We can have cookies now . Why don 't we take them outside ? It 's so nice , and you can play before nap time . " " Don 't want a nap , Mama . I 'm not tired . " The blue - eyed angel looked up at Carissa as if expecting a reprieve . " Well , you may not be tired , but I am . I want you to take a nap for me . But first , we play . Go find your ball . " Carissa led Gloria outside and down the porch steps . " Let 's play over here , " she suggested , leading Gloria farther away from the house in case the ball managed to get out of control . The last thing Carissa wanted to do was clean up a broken window . They rolled the ball back and forth at first ; then Gloria decided it was time to start throwing . She was awkward at best , and Carissa couldn 't help but laugh . She chased down the ball and gave a weak toss to her daughter . Gloria tried to catch it , but got scared and backed away . The heavy rubber ball fell with a bit of a thud and landed near the child 's feet . It sounded as though a sigh passed from the child 's lips . " Thank you . " Her statement suggested that she was well aware of protocol , but had lost interest in the game . Carissa walked around the yard , keeping Gloria in sight . It truly was a lovely farm . Someone had mentioned that it belonged to a Confederate - supporting family prior to the war . She felt sad at the thought that her family had somehow displaced another ; after all , that 's exactly what had happened to Tyler . She supposed it might be different if this family had left of their own free will . But if not , how grievous it would be to put a lifetime of hard work and dreams into a place , only to have it taken from you . The sound of Gloria 's laughter caught her attention . The little girl was crouched on the ground , looking at something . Carissa couldn 't see that there was anything for her daughter to be amused with , and after a moment , Gloria was off and running again . Carissa turned at the sound of an approaching horse . She put a hand to her forehead to block out the sun in an attempt to see who was coming . To her surprise it was Tyler . He gave a wave and Carissa found herself waving back without thinking . " I can 't . Laura and Brandon are in town , and I wouldn 't have anyone to watch Gloria . " The little girl came running to join them . " Gloria , his name is Mr . Atherton . " Carissa saw the hopeful look on Tyler 's face and forgot her rebuke . She reached into her pocket . " I just so happen to have two right here . If you need more , we will have to return to the house . " She handed the cookies to Tyler and replaced the towel in her pocket . " Apparently you take instruction well . Hopefully you 'll be just as good at ridin ' . " He gave her a wink and glanced to where Gloria was playing . " Well , since you don 't seem to be of a mind to go ridin ' just yet , what say we just sit and talk ? " " I hope it will be . It 's a gift for Laura . Her birthday 's in August , and I wanted to give her something special , with her expecting the baby about the same time . " " I think it 's perfectly appropriate to share gifts with anyone you like , " Tyler countered . " Especially a friend . And we are friends , aren 't we ? " Realizing she hadn 't seen Gloria for several minutes , Carissa glanced up . The child was playing happily not far from the house . She tried to concentrate on her work , but all she could think of was the day Malcolm had tried to kill her . Her hands froze as the images flooded her mind . She closed her eyes at the sound of Tyler 's voice . It reminded her of when he 'd revived her . She had nearly drowned when Malcolm had thrown her overboard . He had figured it would delay or distract the navy officials long enough for him to make his getaway . Instead , gunfire had erupted , and Malcolm had been killed . Carissa remembered her silly girlish notions and behavior with regret . " I was quite self - centered then . You must have thought me completely annoying . It 's a wonder you bothered to rescue me . " For a moment she considered his words . She did like to believe that second chances were available for those who needed one . She had tried to give Malcolm a second chance . . . and a third . . . and a fourth . " Back then , I suppose I wasn 't all that concerned with His ways myself . " He shrugged . " William and Hannah have helped me to draw closer to God . To learn what it means to forgive and forget - at least where some things are concerned . I 'm still workin ' on others . " Tyler started to say something , then stopped abruptly and turned . Carissa couldn 't figure out what was going on . She looked at him oddly and started to speak , but he held up his hand . Gloria had ambled over to the fence line and Carissa could see that she was once again trying to climb the posts . Without warning , however , Tyler bounded off the porch and pulled his pistol at the same time . " Rattler ! " he cried , the single word sending a chill through Carissa . The following gunshot was deafening , and poor Gloria immediately broke into tears . Carissa ran after Tyler and scooped up her child . The snake , indeed a large rattlesnake , lay coiled and dead not a yard away . Hugging Gloria close , Carissa calmed the child . " It has to be , " Tyler replied . " That way it scares little children away from ever touching it without permission . Promise me you 'll never touch this gun . " Reluctantly , Carissa lowered Gloria to the ground . She straightened as the little girl ran back to where she 'd left her ball . A wave of dizziness altered the horizon , and Carissa felt herself falling . Tyler easily caught her and just before she fainted dead away , Carissa was certain she heard him call her name . The sound of a carriage could be heard approaching as Tyler climbed the porch steps . " Tyer carry Mama ! " Gloria announced as the Reid family pulled to a stop in front of the house . " I 'm afraid it was just a fright , " Tyler announced . " I had to kill a rattler before it could strike Gloria . Carissa made it through that and then fainted dead away . " Brandon helped Laura from the carriage and took their son from her . Laura immediately rushed to Tyler 's side . " Bring her in the house . I 'll get the smelling salts . Brandon , please see to Gloria . " Tyler placed Carissa on the front - room sofa and stepped back , reluctant to move very far from her side . Laura returned with a tiny bottle and pulled the stopper . She waved the salts under her sister 's nose until Carissa began to come around . She looked at him and nodded . " Thank you . " She closed her eyes and then , as if all reason had returned , she snapped them open again . " Where 's Gloria ? " " Oh , it was so horrible . She was so close to being bit . " Carissa shook her head . " I 'll never let her play by the fence again . " " Why not ? " Tyler asked . " It 's not like snakes limit themselves to the fence line . You gonna keep her from playin ' outside altogether ? " " If it keeps her from harm , I will . " Carissa struggled to sit up . " That 's my duty and desire . I must keep her safe . " " How about just praising Him because He provided someone to hear the snake and then kill it ? " Tyler could see that she wanted no part of reason and logic , but he couldn 't help himself . " I figure it this way , Carissa . You pray for Gloria 's safety , and God made provision for her . Doesn 't much matter who He used to do the providing - does it ? " " No , but I just . . . well . . . I 'm afraid . " She shook her head . " I couldn 't bear it if she were to get hurt because of my neglect . " Tyler nodded . " I don 't think you have to worry about that , Carissa . You won 't ever neglect that little girl . But neither will you always be able to keep her from harm . You need to remember that . Otherwise you might drive yourself to madness tryin ' to be perfect . It ain 't gonna happen in this life , so you might as well face facts here and now . God 's got our days numbered . Yours . . . mine . . . Gloria 's . There 's nothing we can do to add on more or cause it to be less . It 's in God 's hands . " She looked at him for a moment , and Tyler saw something in her expression soften . Had he been able to get through to her ? Her next words left him with mixed thoughts on his success . Her words penetrated something deep inside him , and Tyler found his mind going back to when he first learned of his father 's murder . He had vowed to hunt down and kill every last Comanche in an act of revenge . That hadn 't happened , but not for a lack of desire . Had it not been for William 's council , he would have stayed in the army to fight in the Indian Wars . He would have had a sense of satisfaction in killing those who had killed his father and friends - at least he told himself he would have . For so long he 'd been able to put that anger aside and forget about revenge . Now Carissa 's innocent words only served to stir up that need for vengeance - a need that Tyler feared might not go unresolved . |
Hello , I 'm Isaac . today starts my first day of summer vacation . Before the end of my second semester as a sophomore in college I signed up for a foreign exchange program for a promise of an exciting summer adventure . They definitely weren 't lying . However , being in a wheelchair has its disadvantages . I had to spend the weeks leading up to the trip talking with the event coordinator about accommodations that would be needed at all of our hotels that we would be staying at . Just a few days before the trip , we worked out all of the kinks and I was set to go on this adventure . We showed up at the school on May 30th ( a Monday ) for the start of our adventure . There had to have been at least 30 of us waiting for the buses . Luckily I had talked my friend Chris into coming along so I had someone to talk to . But that plan was dashed the moment that the event leader began talking . A tall African American male began yelling , trying to get everyone 's attention . " Hey can I get everyone to make a circle around me . Thanks . My name is Trevon . I am in charge of all of you . When we leave a place I make sure we are all accounted for . I am responsible for each and every one of you . So let 's have a good time and not do anything stupid . Now as you all know , this is a foreign exchange trip . Meaning , all of you will be paired with one of the students from Ukraine . They have all taken lessons in English to be able to participate in this trip . Some may have more problems that other when it comes to speaking our language . So help out when you can , and be respectful . " Trevon kept explaining the rules of the road as the buses drove up . There was one huge coach bus and one smaller short bus that I knew was for me . I was used to short buses , seeing as they are the ones with the wheelchair lifts . The two leaders began calling names and introducing the students to their partners . It got a few names in when Chris was called to meet his partner . He went up and shook the hand of a young male about 20 years old . His name was Mykola . They walked back toward me talking when my name was called . I realize I had been staring the entire time I was getting past all the people in my way and shift my eyes down to keep from giving off a creepy vibe . I finally get to the front and look back up at her . It is then that I realize how petrifyingly beautiful her brown eyes were . " Oh , hello . My name is Steffanie " she says as she extends her arm to shake my hand . I put my hand out , not being able to extend my hand all the way due to my weak muscles . But she steps closer to take my hand and shakes it without a moments hesitation . Our hands shake up and down for a few seconds as I take in the softness of her hands . At this point I hadn 't said anything in return . I realize I had been holding my breath this whole time , so I let it out and gave a nervous smile to her . " Yes , I think so . Ummm . . . they said that we should get to know each other since we will be together for the rest of the trip . " I replied , trying to keep the conversation going . She smiled and nodded . I waited for her to say something but had nothing else that could think to keep talking . I let the fear run its course as she looked around the area from her seat . Finally , I asked the first question that came to my head . " Sooooooooooo , do you have a boyfriend ? " I regretted this question the moment it left my mouth . Trying to play it cool I sat and waited for her answer . " Oh , I do not have boyfriend " she answered with a nervous smile . All I feel is shocked . It took me a second to think if she was right . That thought passes quickly as I look at her concerned face . " No . . . its just that . . . I don 't want you to feel uncomfortable with me " I said " Oh . . . no . I am fine . You seem like nice person " she says with a look that I cannot place but that seemed like she knew exactly what she was saying . I look over to see the group started to get on the bus . " We should probably go now . We don 't want to be left behind " I joked . I look over and smile at Steff as she does the same . At that moment I feel something poking the back of my head . Then I hear a familiar voice , " Hey , long time no see , who 's your friend ? " Chris asks . " Dammit Chris , why do you have to be such a creeper . " I said in a playful tone . " This is Steffanie , she is my partner " The bus jerked forward as we were on our way to our first stop . Luckily it was not too far . We are scheduled to stay in San Diego for the first 2 days . We arrive an hour later at a hotel in the middle of downtown . We didn 't have much time to talk but we spoke a little about why we were in the school we are in . I want to become a part of new media , and she wants to create clothes as a fashion designer . We didn 't get to finish our conversation as we pulled up to the hotel . Everyone walked off except for Steff . She stayed behind and looked at me with curious eyes . " this will probably take a while , go ahead and ill find you later . Okay ? I told her . She seemed reluctant but went ahead of the bus anyways . We all got rooms with at least one other person . Seeing as we are all adults they let us choose who to room up with so long as everyone had a bed . Chris had let Trevon know that him and I were going to pair up for a room . " Fiiiine " He left his luggage on his bed and went in search for Mykola . I took that time to put my clothes away in the dresser under the TV . Once that was done I pull out my xbox from the extra bag I had packed and brought along . I left all the wires out for Chris to hook up since I couldn 't reach the back of the TV . Chris walked in with Mykola right behind him with his rolling luggage . There were three beds in the room . All of them were facing the opposite wall where a mounted TV was over 2 large dressers . The bathroom at the opposite end of the room . I had taken the bed closest to the door with Chris taking the bed in the middle of the room . The remaining bed was claimed by Mykola who hadn 't said much since he walked in . Chris quickly took the remaining drawers in the dresser I had put mine and immediately set the Xbox up . Both he and I had planned to each bring our controllers and games . So we started playing into the evening without a care in world . The entire time we waited in line for pizza I kept an eye out for my partner . But , she was no where in sight . I began to worry that I really did scare her off with my initial question . Night had soon approached , as we continued our individual activities . I had gotten board of playing games and decided to pull out the first book of A Song of Ice and Fire ( better known as game of thrones ) . Chris was being kind of loud playing his game . So I decided to go out and find a quiet spot to read . I left in my pajamas , with my book , phone , and a small RWBY blanket to keep me warm . As I traveled the halls I examined a directory near the elevators . I figured that the pool area on the roof would be the quietest place to read . As I came out of the elevator I was hit with some pretty bright lights . The pool area was very well lit . I looked around to see a couple of girls in the pool . They seemed to be relaxing as they floated in the pool without a care in the world . I look for a spot that 's secluded from the rest of the area but well lit . the corner of the pool is just far enough away from others but still has enough light to read . So I settle in and get a couple chapters in , when I hear , " Hello " from behind my book . I knew instantly who it was when I looked up . Steffanie was standing right there with the best of smiles on her face . " OH , I 'm sorry . I went looking around . I like . . . uh how you say . . . " She searched for the word with a serious thinking face . Inside my mind I wondered how such a beautiful girl could nerd out with someone like me . It just seemed like a dream to be siting across such a beautiful woman that I could connect to . I 'm not the best looking guy , and to top it off I am in a wheelchair . Women are not usually rushing to be near me . But this foreign beauty is here when she could have gone and talked with anyone . While I may have been selected to be her partner , it didn 't seem like any of the students were taking their partnership too seriously . Most stayed with their friends , most likely only here for the chance at a summer adventure traveling along the western coast . Yet here we were , Steffanie and I . Connecting on all the levels that were meant for this foreign exchange program . I sat in my spot wondering if I should go with her , or if she was coming back , or going to her room . I am not sure if she noticed my self questioning expression , or she genuinely wanted me to go with her because when she stopped after a few steps she looked at me wondering why I wasn 't following . No words were needed so I put my book in my bag and came up next to her as we went back into the halls of the hotel . She looked at the machine and pulled out a little purse full of coins . She dumped some out into her hand and began looking through them . She stood there for a minute just staring at all of the coins . She held her hand out to me so that I can look through . Not only were there American coins , but others that I did not recognize . She told me which candy she wanted and I checked the price to see which coins we would need . I picked through the coins , occasionally brushing against her soft hand . My face got hot as I gave her back the coins she needed to put in . " Thank you , you are very kind " she said with a huge smile . She turned and began inserting coins into the machine . Unfortunately , as I guy I could not help but check her out as she put her coins in . She seemed very skinny but with curves that could make any man take a second look . Her breasts are lovely B 's that could easily pass as C 's . And her long lovely sandy blonde hair to top off her goddess like beauty . The candy drops and she bends over to retrieve it . With my eyes unable to be removed from her butt , she stands back up and notices what I was looking at . Now being a young adult male in America , I put on my face of regret preparing for one of the two reactions a woman would normally give to a guy like me , she would either be pissed and yell at you for staring , or she would get wierded out and pretend it didn 't happen . She surprised me by doing neither , she gave me a smirk while swaying her whole body as she walked down the hall and down the nearest corner . I sat there for a few seconds wondering what just happened . Then I see her poke her head back from around the corner she went to and asked , " You go with me ? " " Yea " I say quickly trying to catch up with her . We were quiet just wandering down random hallways , there were not too many people , it was already late into the evening . She stopped and front of a room and turned to face me . " Oh okay , I will see you in zee morning " , she turned and slid her card key to open the door . I followed the hallways back to my room after I saw her enter her room . I had fun fanboying out with her . I just hope it wasn 't a one - time thing , getting to talk to her that is . I got back to my room entering the same room I had left a few hours ago . Chris playing a game and Mykola was reading his book . I watched Chris play for a few minutes before I started getting ready for bed . Being in a wheelchair makes everything so much more difficult than the norm . Brushing my teeth is a workout , getting in bed can be a nightmare , while taking a shower is a chore . Nonetheless , I get in bed and fall to sleep watching Chris still playing Devil May Cry . I eventually open my eyes to a completely pitch black room . I look at my phone and see that it is already close to 9 o ' clock . Remembering that we are supposed to leave at 10 I yell to Chris to wake up . He doesn 't . I use the light on my phone to help me get in my wheelchair and make my way to the window . The curtains were very good at keeping out the light , because one I slid them open the sun shined in like angels descending from heaven . I hurt my eyes in the process but I do get both Chris and Mykola to get up from bed . I tell them that we are supposed to leave in an hour and they start getting ready . We go and get breakfast and find one of the few unoccupied tables so that we can eat . As we start to eat , Vicktor comes up and puts his hand on my shoulder , " You have late start ehh ! ! Ha ha ha . " " Yea I guess we should have " , I reply waiting for him to leave so I can finish eating . He stays for a few more seconds , creating an even more awkward silence . " Well I zee bus later no ? " " No it iz verry annoying , girlz just tallk sooo much " she says while making her hands looking like they are talking to each other . I give a little laugh at the scene she makes . " Itz not funny ! I get soo little sleep ! " We make our way to the bus and I get into my designated spot to get on . Before I knew it I was strapped into the bus with Steff but an arms length away from me . We were basically riding the same bus that we came in on . The only difference was that at the front of the bus was a tour guide who shouted facts about different buildings and areas that we would pass by . All of a sudden I feel that same familiar tap . I don 't know how he does it . I don 't even notice that he had been sitting behind me the whole time . Chris whispers , " Dude , you are really bad at this partner stuff . Shes missing all the " cool " stuff we drove by . " " Damn now I gotta hear this crap from both of you . " I point back at Mykola , " I liked you better when you were quiet " . I hear laughter and a slap as if they high fived each other . Shortly after our little squabble , we arrive near the ocean . The tour guide says that we are getting off to see Seal Beach . Everyone starts to get off with Chris and Mykola wait for everyone but me and steff to get off . Chris started with a normal voice volume , " Steffanie ? Can you wake up ? " . He says it again but louder . He does it again even louder , practically yelling . Then Mykola puts his face near her ear and says something in Russian . I see her eyes open slowly , as she regains her awareness of her surroundings . She looks over at Mykola and asks him something in the same language . He responds in english , " We are at beach " . She looks around still a little groggy . She gathers her things and all three of them step off the bus . The bus driver finally comes back and unhooks me so I can get off too . Chris , Mykola , and Steffanie were all waiting at the bottom of the wheelchair lift . The rest of the group had already started heading toward the beach when I got all the way down off the bus . " Well alrighty then , lets catch up to the rest of the group then . " I said leading the way . We catch up a few minutes later as the group gets near the area above the beach where you can see the seals littering the beach . This is an area that they are protected so they come every year and kind of just hang out . Im not sure if this is where they breed or whatnot , all I know is that a lot of people were fascinated by them being there . I spent like a minute in fascination before I got bored , then I began looking around to see if there was anything else interesting . But there wasn 't much else around . The occasional tourists , some people riding bikes and roller skates . There were a few girls in bikini 's that passed by . Living in San Diego you get used to that pretty quickly , but you could tell that some of the foreign students ( especially the males ) were surprised at the half naked women walking down the sidewalks . When I looked to see how Steffanie reacted , I saw her kind of just staring with this serious look . I was sure that those women upset her in some way . So I asked her , " You okay ? " She kind of snapped out of it when she looked at me to reply , " Oh yes , I cure - ious about mat - earial they use for bee - kee - nee . " I couldn 't help but to smile at her . She did tell me that she likes designing clothes when we first met . After about 15 minutes of people taking pictures we walked over to Sea Port village , a little shopping area along the beach area . They have some some stores and sometimes local artists set up little tables to display and sell their art . We were told that we would be getting lunch down the beach on the grassy area in about an hour , so everyone kind of split up in their own little groups . So it was just Chris , Mykola , Steffanie , and me . We went in and out of a lot of different stores . They were mostly gift shops with shirts and souvenirs . Steff and I found a section with funny hats and tried them on . We took a whole bunch of selfies with my phone and had a great time . She found a nice San Diego shirt that she wanted in one of the stores so she went and got it . I of course had to help her out with the money but it all worked out . I enjoyed feeling needed . As a guy in a wheelchair there are not many instances that a person needs your help . Most of the time it was the other way around . That feeling was amazing though . As we headed toward the lunch area we passed by some of the artist booths . One of them was a guy with a camera , and he took pictures to print out for his customers . He didn 't seem to have to many takers though , when we were approaching . This is when he asked us , " Oh , a picture for the lovely couple ? ! " " Great ! Okay , let move you right here " he said as he guided us into the position . Steff is unfortunately much taller than me sitting in my wheelchair . So the guy said , " Maybe you can bend down lower " . Taking pictures with a girl has never been one of my strong suits . But she did something that I will never forget . She sat in my lap . She was quite light . And the photographer seemed to be fine with it . I heard his camera go off a few times . He said , " okay lets see what we got " . He had a computer screen to see which ones we wanted . There was 2 that were perfect , they displayed a beautiful background of the ocean with a happy looking couple . I chose one she chose another . We both got one big and one small picture printed out . " Awwww , loook at us , we so happy . " She said with the most wonderful smile . I couldn 't help but stare at mine . We put them away in our individual bags and continued on our way to the lunch area . Trevon was barbequing burgers , Steff and I were one of the first ones there . Our burgers were still hot and fresh which made them taste amazing . We chatted for some time while everyone else showed up and ate lunch . Chris and Mykola came and sat with us while they ate . They told us about the girl who 's bikini fell off as they walked by her . Everyone thought it was pretty funny . Both Mykola and Steff seemed were so confused at what Chris and I were yelling about . Rwby is my absolute favorite show of my entire life , so I can get a little over excited when trying to convince someone else to watch it . I was very animated when explaining all the cool features of the show such as the action , jokes , and graphics . Mykola was like every other person that I explain this show to . They listen for the first few minutes then get distracted by something else . Steffanie was different . She seemed to listen to every single word that I said while waving my hands around like a weirdo . She was so sincere when listening . Then I realized how much I had gotten away with myself when explaining the show so I stopped and said , " anyways , if you want to see it I brought seasons 1 and 2 with me . " Lunch ended soon after that . We all got back on the bus and took a tour of a different part of downtown SD . We stopped at some building that they wanted us to tour but by the time the bus driver got me off the bus the group had started the tour . Steff had stayed behind because she is my partner . They made chris and Mykola to stay with the group . Steff and I entered the lobby of the building and did not know where to go next to catch up . We decided to find a place in the lobby to wait for the group to come back . We talked a bit about our families and how they influenced us . I looked outside to see a small convenient store , then I remembered that we were going to have a movie night . " Hey steff , want to go with me to get some snacks for our movie tonight ? " So we went across the street and got a whole bunch of different snacks like sodas , chips , candies , and whatever other foods that looked good . We left with 2 bags each of all kinds of goodies . When we got back to the front of the building we were supposed to be touring the rest of the group was waiting for the bus to come back around to pick us up . We all laughed at the scene we were all making in the middle of a downtown sidewalk . During our laughing fit , I could not help but feel my heart skip a beat when I heard Steffanie laugh . It was the cutest thing I had ever heard . After about an hour we were finally back at the hotel with free time again . They had ordered pizza again for dinner so we got a couple of slices and took it back to our room . Steffanie had shown up shortly after we got settled in with our diner . She was in a very large t - shirt that made it look like it was the only thing she was wearing . She had also brought her bag of snacks and a small bag . The trailers to RWBY are actually important to the story so I showed them to her while we ate pizza . She sat on my bed and we watched on my little phone screen . After we had watched all 4 trailers I put the movie in the xbox and we all settled in to watch . Although before I had even got into the title menu Mykola had started reading his book , so it was just the three of us watching . Chris sat on his bed with a bag of chips steff had given him . I was in my wheelchair sitting next to my bed while Steff was on my bed laying on her stomach facing the TV . Doing this her shirt was pulled up a little . And being a guy I could not help but stare to see if she was actually wearing anything underneath . She was . . . very short shorts . We watched the first season , snacking , laughing , and cheering during the battle scenes . It was a lot of fun . It was getting late when first season finished . Steff turned to me with an excited look , " We watch the next one ! ? " I was a little hesitant to lay in my bed with her but I was really tired . So I scooted onto my bed and layed back watching the next season of RWBY with Steff and Chris . I began nodding in and out of sleep . Then finally all I saw was black . I felt movement which woke me , it was really dark like before . But I had my phone next to me so I could use the flashlight . Before I could even finish putting in my code to unlock it I felt an arm around my legs . It freaked me out , so I quickly turned the light on . It was Steffanie , she had fallen asleep in the same way she was watching the movie . Except that she was holding my legs like a stuffed toy you sleep with . I look over to see her feet , look toward chris who had also fallen asleep in the same way he was watching the TV . I woke up again to the pitch black of the room . I was awake enough to remember to check my phone for the time . It was only 630 , but what startled me was when I looked over , expecting to see steff 's feet but what I saw instead was her face inches from mine . " No , its okay , just wasn 't expecting to see you right there . . . Im sorry I didn 't wake you up to take you back to your room . Probably would have slept better in your own bed . " " No . . . actually , I sleept verry well . I not usual to sleep through the hole night . But I just feel so comfortable next to you . " Again she gave me that heart stopping smile . I turned my light off , and it was quiet for a few minutes . Then Steff just started talking . About how she had always wanted to come to America . How hard she had to work in learning English so that she could come on this trip . Her voice was so relaxing ; I could listen to her talk for hours . And I did . We were there talking until about 8 : 20 , when I finally decided that it was time to get up . I was shocked , I didn 't know what to say . Im pretty sure that my mouth was wide open when I finally got the courage to look back and say , " Id love that " . We both smiled then we got out of bed . We did not talk much after we got out of bed . We were leaving for the next city within a couple hours so we kind of kept to ourselves while we packed up all of our things . She left to go and get the bags she left in her room and the next thing I know , chris is standing close giving me this knowing look . " alright alright , I leave it be then , " I think he got the message at that point we loaded up and took all of our bags downstairs as we waited to load up on the bus . I didn 't see steffanie right away , which gave me a weird feeling in my stomach . After about 20 minutes of waiting , the bus showed up and everyone started loading all the bags in the compartment of the bus . I really started to worry at this point , because she was nowhere to be seen . When the last bags were put on is when the bus driver came up to me and said , " alright we will load you on first " . I reluctantly head onto the ramp that takes me up onto the bus . The bus driver huffs and puffs as he finishes strapping me down and heads back to the driver seat of the bus . I keep a close eye out of the window to see if I can spot either chris or steffanie , but neither show up . When they start counting the number of students I finally see a relieving sight . Chris and Steffanie walk up and stuff her bags under the bus . They get on and sit as they have before , Steffanie right across from me and chris right behind me . After hearing her story of looking for her things around the hotel I felt exhausted , being worried wore me out . I leaned my chair back and closed my eyes . I could still hear what was going on around me , I was just resting my eyes . I started to hear speaking in Russian , I recognized the voice as Mykola and Steffanie . I didn 't know what they were saying but He did most of the talking . They stopped after about 5 minutes . Then all I could feel was a soft hand caress my cheek . I would later find out that Mykola had watched me the entire time I was freaking out and told steffanie about how crazy I went that I couldn 't find her . The soft long fingers that touched my cheek sent electricity down my body , full of crazy feeling in my stomach . I opened my eyes and put my hand on top of hers . She moved her fingers so that my fingers were intertwined with hers . That is when I felt it , that fire in my soul . I couldn 't understand this feeling at the time , but I knew that I never wanted to go away . I looked into her eyes and she looked back into mine . We connected without ever having to utter a single word . I wanted so bad to kiss her , but of course because of my limitation I could not even reach even if I tried . I think she knew ; I think she could see in my eyes what I wanted . And apparently she wanted it too , because the next thing I knew her face was inches from mine . She didn 't kiss me but she put herself close enough so I could lean into her lips . I pushed my lips to hers , and all I could feel , all I could see was her and i . It was soft , wet , but tender . We kissed for what seemed like a lifetime but probably only was a few seconds , before we heard the bus driver . " HEY , You need to sit down now ! " She ignored him and continued kissing me . I tried pulling away not wanting her to get into trouble but she kept me from moving far by holding the back of my head so that I couldn 't move anywhere . I smiled as we kissed , feeling the intensity of her passion . I didn 't want her to ever leave my lips . But of course the damn bus driver began to say that he was going to pull over and kick her off the bus if she didn 't sit down in 3 seconds . He even counted down . But she still kept going . Kissing me harder as the 3 seconds counted down . When he finished saying one she threw herself back into her seat with the biggest grin I have seen from her yet . She licked her lips and winked at me . All I could do was smile as I sat there in a state of total bliss . Our next stop on our road trip was Los Angeles . Coming into view of the city , you could see the smog in the air , it was kind of gross . However , it didn 't keep my attention for too long , as I looked back toward Steffanie . She on the other hand , was quite taken with the view . It kept her attention the entire time we were in view of the city . The group stayed mostly together , looking at some stars on the ground , some took pictures , others explained who some stars where to their partners . It was a lot of fun . Steffanie and I behaved , we would occasionally look at each other with those lust filled eyes young adults have when first feeling out new partners . After about 20 minutes of walking we finally got to the busiest part of the walk . It was quiet intimidating but our group moved on with purpose as our chaperones led us further in . As people were closer together I began to feel my heart race . Being in a wheelchair means that everyone standing is taller than you , so when you are in the middle of a shoulder to shoulder crowd it begins to feel like you are trapped in a very small space . I get claustrophobic when situations like this happen , my breath starts to quicken to a pant , while my heart races , and my hands get sweaty . But in that moment before I felt like I would just scream , a hand grabbed mine . It was her . She must have seen the look on my face and figured out that I was panicking . I looked up to see a beautiful face of concern . People began pushing closer and closer , and soon people were practically on top of me . I felt Steffanie 's hand slip out of mine and the panic returned . Then I saw her start to push people aside with strength I have never seen from a woman of her size . That delicate form was pushing harder than star football lineman in a super bowl game . She made enough space for her to get right up next to me . She held on with both hand to not let me get too far from her again . The crowds were ridiculous . You could not see anything , could not move , could barely breath . It was all I was thinking about which of course made my anxiety worst . Steffanie then sat right in my lap like she had done before during the picture . She was so close , with her breasts right next to my face . It definitely got my mind off of the crowd that never seemed to end . She put her arms around me and got really close so that she could talk directly into my ear . " I will stay like theese until we get into open space " she said right into me . " Do not foe - cus on peeple , ownly on me " saying this as she squeezed me tighter against her . I closed my eyes and could only feel her , and the rest of the world just melted away . " Drive foe - ward until we are out " She said into my ear again . I opened my eyes and drove forward not caring if I hit anyone . I did not hit anyone too hard . Most felt me then moved when they turned back and saw me and Steffanie . Many people gave us judgmental looks , but I did not care . I had an unbelievably sexy , beautiful angel right in my lap . In fact , the way that she held me as we moved through the crowd began to affect me since it was the only thing I was focusing on . I felt that tingle that you get when you start to feel excited sexually . I knew that if I got too excited that she would feel my dick pushing against her thigh . Every bump , shift in momentum kept bouncing her up and down which made it very hard to ignore the feeling growing in my pants . I tried so hard to think of things to keep from getting a huge hard - on but nothing seemed to help . The inevitable happened and it started to grow . As it grew I could feel it push in between her thighs . I hoped that the chaos of the crowd would keep her distracted from the feeling of my dick pushing up into her . At this point I knew she knew what she was feeling . She had not looked at me but she did adjust her hips so that it was not pressed so hard against her thigh . It was now at full hardness in between both of her thighs . We came to a stopping point where no one was moving out of the way . The sexual excitement I was feeling made me forget about the crowded space , seeing as the only thing on my mind was the feeling of my dick in between the legs of this gorgeous woman on my lap . She finally turned her head to look me directly face to face . She had this look of knowing , but with a hint of lust as well . She did not say out loud how this made her feel , but the look was all I needed to know she was getting a little excitement herself . She lightly bit her bottom lip and began to slowly squeeze her thighs together . It did very little to make the feeling pleasurable but the fact that she was teasing me made me excited beyond words . While it could have just been fun for her , it felt like more to me . She squeezed as tight as she could and rocked her hips back and forward . This feeling made me close my eyes and feel pleasure that could make a grown man cry . I had to bite my lip to keep from moaning out loud . She was so close to my face , like she was enjoying the look of pleasure she was making me feel . My breath was shallow , and my own hips attempted to move along with Steffanie 's own movements . In my mind I could only think , " If this feel this good , I can 't even imagine how good sex feels " . We finally had an opening to move forward , but Steff and I were in our own little world . She turned after a minute and stopped her intimate movements . This snapped me out of the state she had me in and I began moving out of the crowd . This worried me , because of how hard my dick still was . When we cleared the crowd , Steffanie turned back and whispered into my ear , " You can usse my jack - et to co - ver yourselv " the hot air of her breath tickled my body , sending feeling down the rest of my spine . She stood up and took her jacket off . The tent in my pants was hilariously obvious but she put her jacket over it and tucked it under my legs as she would a child in bed . She smiled lightly , and gave me a quick peck on the cheek . Again whispering in my ear , " Tanks four the ride " . " Shut up man " I said with a huge grin on my face . Chris and I both looked over to steffanie at the same time . She saw this , smiled and turned away as if to look at something so interesting behind her . We all laughed and continued our long adventure on the streets of L . A . My sexual excitement did eventually go away , but took its sweet time doing so . The entire situation had a range of emotions from fear , to happiness , to sexual excitement and sexual frustration . But to me , it still is a treasured moment , as it led to a road I could not foresee when I agreed to go on this trip . Our day continued with lunch . There was a mall just a block from the large crowds . In the mall was a modest food court with a few choices . Steffanie picked pizza while I wondered over to the Japanese food place to get some orange chicken and white rice bowl . We sat together close , every so often on of us would steal a piece of food from the other 's plate . It was fun , we acted like any other young couple , feeding each other , whispering in each others ears . I think that chris was getting sick of seeing us like that because for the most part he looked the other way . Every so often we would exchange words but then something would happen that made him feel uncomfortable again . She would grab my hand , or I would bump into her shoulder lightly to get her attention then look away when she looked at me . It finally led to chris saying , " Jesus man , I don 't think I can take this all night ! " My eyes got wide because he said it loud enough to get a few people 's attention around us . I tried to calm him down by saying , " Sorry man , we will tone it down . " I looked over to Steff , " Right ? " I asked her . She looked a little bothered but nodded yes with some reservation . " No man , its fine . You guys are enjoying yourselves , and I just don 't want to be the third wheel all night . That is why I think you two should get your own room tonight . . . alone " Chris said with some drama . This surprised me , but it had been on my mind since our intimate moment on the bus . I look over at Steffanie to see her in thought for a few seconds . Then she looked at me as if to be asking for the answer . I shrugged and said , " Do YOU want to get a room alone together ? " She shrugged as well . We both wanted to say yes , but were too embarrassed by the whole situation to admit it . Chris blurted out , " Yes you do . Just trust me and get one . Other wise I might have to strangle someone " . Mykola had wide eyes and scooted away from chris . We all laughed and the tension of the room was gone . So it was agreed that Steffanie and I would get a room together . The day quickly passed by as I could not keep my mind off of what was to come . As the sun went down the group walked to the hotel that was reserved for our party . Coming up on the building in the middle of this downtown area was awe inspiring . It was huge and dwarfed other buildings around it . Every step we took , added a bit of anxiety to my mind . I was beginning to be very nervous . Steffanie and I had not parted from each others side the entire day , but now I let her walk ahead of me . She seemed to be distracted with the environment around her enough to not notice that I had fallen back on purpose . I looked for Chris and found him toward the back of the group . I made my way toward him . Having friends for a long time gives those individuals insight over the years of how you are feeling without having to say a word . This was the case as I approached him and Mykola . " What 's up , nervous ? " he asked with no mind to the people around him listening . " Dude calm down and take a breath . You are freaking out over nothing . You don 't even know what could happen . " He spoke in a chastising manner . " Stop thinking about what could happen and just let whatever happen , happen . Otherwise you will ruin any chance anything that could actually happen . You get what I mean ? " He said with a wise tone in his voice . " Kind of , in a confused way . " I replied . Those words actually seemed to help . Entering the doorway of the hotel , Steffanie and Mykola were waiting for us . Each pair went off to stand in line and receive the keys to our rooms . As we stood there Steffanie looked at me and said , " You feeling better ? " It took me a second to understand what she meant , but it hit me that she knew I was freaking out in my head . " You do not haf to worry about few - ture wen we live in present . I enjoy be - ing with you , so do not try to im - press me . You do that all - ready " , she spoke with such kindness and wisdom that it astonished me that it was not even her first language . I had calmed down and asked for a 2 bed room . Our luggage was being brought into the lobby . So we grabbed our bags and went to our room . We entered the room and as the door shut , I felt that I would be leaving the room a different person , for better or worse . Only time could tell . The room was a bit small but it had a window that looked out into downtown . The sun had begun to go down so when I looked out the window I could see the night lights of downtown lighting up most of the street . The sight was quite wonderful . I turned around to see Steffanie putting her clothes away and getting settled in . I turned on the Tv and began doing the same as we got settled in . As I was finishing putting clothes away into my drawer I looked up to see steffanie looking at her phone . She seemed very focused on what was on her screen . She had a somewhat serious face , I was a little worried what that meant as I put the last of my clothes away . So I asked her , " Are you okay ? " She looked up at me with a questioning look , " Yess , why ? " it took her a few seconds to figure out why I was asking , " Oh , yess . I am fine . I have not called mom siince air - por - t and I know she be mad " . Her saying this made me remember that I had not called my own mother . Mine would be pretty mad too since she didn 't want me to come on my own to begin with . " Yea I better call mine too " I said as I took out my phone . So , we were both set on informing our mothers how things were going . Mine was not too mad , she knew I would get distracted being out on my own for a few days . I spoke to her while trying to figure out how Steffanie 's call was going . Unfortunately , I could not tell how it was going because she was speaking in Russian , but from her tone it didn 't seem to be going too bad . I hung up with my mom letting her know I was fine and having fun . Steffanie got off a few minutes later saying that her mom was pretty angry that she had not called her for two days . We watched tv for a bit looking through the channels to see what was on . Both of us were laying on our individual beds kind of doing our own things , when we heard a knock on our door . Steff got up and answered as I was not in my chair . The voice was familiar , it was chris . Him and Mykola came into our room and both took a seat on my bed . " Sooooo , I heard some of the others saying they were going to have dinner at some bar just down the street . Wanna go ? " chris asked . I looked over at Steffanie and she seemed pretty thrilled that he said the word bar . So , I said yes and that we would meet them downstairs while we got ready . The guys left and Steffanie started looking through her clothes for something to wear . I got in my chair and figured that I should wear something to impress her . She took some clothes with her and I heard the shower come on . What surprised me is the fact that she did not completely close the door to the bathroom . I was tempted to take a peek but I fought off those thoughts and changed into my clothes . I wore a black polo shirt , dark pair of jeans and lugs shoes I had packed in my bag . I made sure to dab on some cologne so that I would smell great . As I finished Steffanie walked out of the bathroom and my jaw near came off I was so stunned at how beautiful she looked . She wore a black and white blouse with a black skirt that came down just above her knees , as well as some nice girl shoes ( not really sure what the different types are , all I know is that they looked nice ) . I wanted to compliment her but the only word that left my mouth was , " Wow " . I hadn 't felt like so much of a dork in a long time . Although being the sweet person she was she said , " Tank you . You look . . . what is word , verry hand - some " . I nodded still not wanting to make myself look any stupider . We made sure we both had our keys to the room and everything we needed for a night on the town . We met the guys downstairs , they were dressed in the same clothes they had been wearing all day . " You guys aren 't gonna change into something nicer ? " Chris just shrugged and Mykola said , " What for , we only going to eat " . So , we went on our way to the bar and grill place they had talked about . It was only a 5 minute walk from our hotel which was nice . We saw others from our trip drinking and having a good time already . We sat down at a table and ordered food . I made sure that Steffanie got an excellent cut of steak and ordered a similar steak with different sides and cook of the meat . As we got our food Steffanie asked our waiter for a bottle of wine . Nothing too expensive , she said she would get the first round . So , we ate our meal and had some wine , it was pretty good . Chris didn 't like it so he passed his to me . The night went on and I had bought us a round of tequila shots and Mykola had bought us a round of vodka shots . I began feeling those shots and didn 't want to get too drunk . Steffanie laughed and thought it was very funny that my face was so red . We exchanged glances every now and then . We did not get too physical like we had at the beginning of the day . About 10 minutes after our vodka shots steffanie got up and said she wanted to go meet some the other people there at the bar . She walked around getting into different conversations with different groups . I watched her for the entire time . I went began looking for steffanie but I didn 't see her anywhere . I was a little nervous but after 5 minutes a group moved and I saw her at the bar talking to some guy . He had his hand on her knee since she was sitting down . Seeing this made my heart a bit , I hoped that she would move or do something to get his hand off of her . He ordered them a drink and they kept talking for a while . I 'm not sure how long I sat there staring at Steffanie talking to this guy , but she didn 't seem to mind his advances . This reminded me of a time in high school when I took a girl to a JROTC ball and she left me after the dinner and when I found her she was making out with some other guy . I couldn 't stop thinking that this was going the same way . The guy got really close to whisper something in her ear . And that was it for me . I couldn 't watch any more . So , I left money on the table for my food and drinks and left without saying anything to anyone . I was too wrapped up in my own head to even noticed I had made my way back to the hotel . I kept thinking that I had no right to be upset , as she was not my girlfriend . It didn 't help as my heart began throbbing as if someone had stabbed it . I had felt this many times before but it just never gets any easier to handle . I finally got back to my room and put myself in bed still wearing my dinner clothes . I turned on the TV and put something on for noise . I wasn 't really watching ; I was thinking too much to care what was on . It was like this for about 10 minutes when I heard a noise at the door . I heard it open and in came Steffanie . She looked pretty mad . It was strange seeing such a serious look on someone I considered to have an angels face . She dropped her bag on the floor and stood there glaring at me . She looked down and looked back at me . She stepped closer so that she was right next to my bed . She rolled her eyes and looked annoyed with me , but looked back at me and said , " I not interested in that man . He bought me drinks and I not worry about how he came close to me . I sorry that you - are feelings hurt , but it not mean anything . " She paused for a long time , like she was thinking about what she would do next . She moved closer so that she was right next to me , with her leg touching mine , her face just inches from mine . She finally opened her mouth and said , " I not kno you for long time . But I feeel verry close to you . I like you verry much and not want to hurt you , I tink that you - " I cut her off by kissing her . I don 't know where that courage came from but it happened all the same . We kissed for a minute or so , I couldn 't really keep track of time all that well . It was very emotional , we opened and closed our mouths in rhythm with each other . But when we split apart I opened my eyes and saw her lick her lips . She opened her eyes and I saw something I could only explain as her soul . She turned her body to face mine sitting on her knees as she leaned into me and brought our lips back together . She pushed her lips so hard into me that her weight pushed me back into the wall of the bed . It was pretty hard and loud . She stopped kissing and looked freaked . " OH I am sooo sooory . You okay ? " she said as she pulled me back up . I laughed it off and said that I was fine . I scooted back so that my back was near the wall . She looked hesitant to kiss me again so I put my hand to the back of her head and pulled it to me . She got the idea and began kissing me again . We kissed for a while , so long that I heard theme to law & order show then heard ending credits . After a few more minutes , she began to feel very warm and was moving a bit . She pulled away from our kiss and had such lust in her eyes . She put on leg over mine and straddled me , slowly lowering her body onto mine . She started kissing me but was also moving her hips so that they pushed into my body . This was making me very excited . I felt my pants start to get tighter as my dick began growing . Steff continued rubbing her pelvis into mine with my dick caught pointing down in a somewhat uncomfortable position . She felt me moving and pulled away , " Am I hurting you ? " " No it 's just that , my pants don 't give me much room down there " I pointed with my eyes . She looked down for a second , looked at me and began unbuttoning my pants . This surprised me but I definitely did not try to stop her when she pulled them off . My underwear happen to come mostly off with them . She stopped for a short second and pulled my underwear off completely too . She got back on top of me and smiled . My dick was pointing straight up at her . So , when she lowered herself it rubbed against what I thought would be her panties , but I then realized that she wasn 't wearing any . I felt her skin touching mine , and she made sure to move my dick so that it wasn 't inside yet , but touching her pussy as she sat down again . She pulled off her shirt and threw it and did the same with mine . She began kissing me , my forehead , my neck and my ears . I was so lost in the passion of the moment , that nothing else mattered . She rubbed her pussy , which was soaking wet as it rubbed against my dick . I felt her hands feeling my body , like she was trying to memorize every bump and every curve of my body . I was a little nervous moving my hands anywhere but her waist . She seemed to be annoyed with this so she moved my hands on each of her breasts . That was all I needed to start rubbing them . She closed her eyes and let out a slight moan from her lips . It was all happening so fast , just so much to take in . That when I felt my dick starting to get EXTREMELY HARD . I knew I was going to cum in no time but I did not care as it all felt just too good . She kept moving her hips and letting out louder and louder moans . I felt it building up in my cock , my mouth opened in pleasure so I leaned forward and began kissing and sucking on her left breast . She gasped and used her hand to push me tighter into her breast . I let out a long groan and felt my dick explode with cum . It was pointed toward my belly but got a little on her too . I think we were too lost in the moment to care . I pulled away to apologize but she stopped me with a long kiss that included tongue . She pulled away and asked me , " You can keep going ? " I felt my dick still hard as ever and nodded yes . She said , " Goood , I want to feeel you inside " . My eyes widen and all I could do was smile and nod yes . With the mixture of her wetness and my cum , she was able to put my dick inside of her very easily . She went all the way down and stayed there for a minute . Her forehead met with mine and we looked into each other 's eyes as we both felt the pleasure of our sex . She moved slowly up and down , and my dick had never felt more pleasure in my entire life as her tight wet pussy clenched around it as she moved . It was like nothing I could have ever imagined as my mouth open to let out a groan and throw my head back against the wall . She leaned over me to start kissing my open mouth with her tongue invading my mouth . She pulled up and my cock left her pussy . It was a horrible feeling to not be inside of her , but she did not let it stay that way for long and she reached between us to move my dick back into place . The re - entering felt just as good as it did the first time . She began moving faster with her pelvis meeting mine and creating a somewhat loud smack . This kept happening and every time it did her pussy clenched just a bit tighter . She also letting out moans at talking volume . The faster we went , the louder it was . Soon I was able to meet up my hips to when she dropped down into the thrust . Which she seemed to really enjoy . Her hands stayed on my shoulders so that she could keep her balance , while mine rubbed her tits . She really began to pick up speed and the volume in our room became very loud . The moans , the smacking , the squeak of the bed . But we did not care . It all felt too good to stop and think about how loud we were . We kept going for another 10 minutes slowing down and speeding up at different intervals . Eventually I told her that I felt like I was going to cum again . I had enough sense to tell her . She looked at me and kissed me . When our kiss broke , she said , " I want it all inside , if it is okay " ? she heard no argument from me . She began to pick up speed again . I moved one of my hands down to her clit and began rubbing it with some force . She just about screamed when I did this and starting fucking me with everything she had . We moved as one being , not only fucking , but making love . We both were moaning very loud , there was no way people all around our room couldn 't hear us . We kept going like there was no tomorrow . The cum in my cock began to rise . I started rubbing her clit as fast as I could . It all was moving so fast until , pushing against each other , until it happened . My dick exploded inside of her and her pussy clenched so tight I thought she would break my dick off . Then the entire room faded away , and I was taken to a place made of complete light . I don 't know how long I stayed there , but I eventually came back to earth , trying to catch my breath . She was leaned against me , breathing much her complete weight was against me like she no longer had the strength to hold herself up . We stayed like that for about 10 minutes . When she finally sat up and moved her body off of mine . All kinds of fluids came out of her pussy when my dick left it . The bed was a complete mess . We laid there for a few moments and looked at each other . We both smiled and laughed . She got up and said that we should sleep on the clean bed so we both moved over to the opposite bed still naked . We both got under the covers . I laid on my back while she draped her body over mine , with her legs over mine and her arm across my chest , and her head right next to mine . She gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek as she reached over to turn off the light . I felt her come back to her original spot and the tiredness of the day hit me all at once . My eyes could not stay open , but I could say that I fell asleep the happiest guy in the world . |
Doggies are often misunderstood , and they 're never given enough credit for their intellect . Am I just a dog … or a diabolical creature ? You decide . I must say that Mom and I are certainly a couple of party animals . It 's New Year 's Eve , and you wanna see what we 're doing to celebrate ? Here 's a picture of our evening festivities . . . ( Yes , that 's me sleeping on my doggie bed . ) Mom 's been playing with her new crock pot , too . Yippee . And she wouldn 't even let me have any of the food she made . How RUDE ! Anyway , here are my New Year 's Resolutions : 1 . Eat more cookies . 2 . Steal the couch from Mom whenever I can . 3 . Convince Mom to give me back my old doggie food . 4 . Squeak those toys as much as possible . 5 . Properly " mark " more trees around our house . Mom made me pee in a little container today so that she could take it to the vet . I don 't know have any idea why they 'd want my pee - pee , but they got it ! Then Dr . Curt called us this afternoon and told Mom that those nasty bladder stones are trying to come back again . Mom has to give me more medicine now to try to keep them away . I hope it helps . I don 't want to have surgery again ! I wish Mom would give me my old doggie food again . That stuff tasted so much better , and it was special food for those nasty stones . Mom said the new food is better for my liver , though , so I guess I 'm stuck with it . And you know what else we found out about today ? Dr . Rebecca had a baby this morning ! I usually visit her when I go to the doggie doctor . Mom said Dr . Curt could help me if I get sick before Dr . Rebecca is back , though . Guess where Mom and I went today . . . the POND ! It was warmer out than it has been , and all of that icky ice is gone now . So , we walked around the pond . Seems like it 's been forever since we 've been over there . And I couldn 't believe it , but the pond had a baby pond ! There was a little pond over there that we didn 't have before . Mom tried to tell me that it was just flooding from the snow , ice , and rain , but I don 't believe her . It looked like a baby pond to me ! Mom hardly ever calls me Lexi . I have no idea why , but she 's come up with a ton of other names for me over the years . Here 's just a sampling . . . Lexi Lexi - Lou Lexi - Lou Nafziger ( my full name is used when I 'm in trouble ) Lexi - Lou Who ( she must think she 's Dr . Seuss ) Lexi - Lou Who who was no more than 8 ( again with the Seuss stuff ! ) LouLittle LouLittle Lou Magoo ( o . k . so she can rhyme . ) " You Little Shih Tzu ! " ( again , when I 'm in trouble . . . ) Super Pooper ( how embarrassing ! ) Stinker Stinker Butt Stink Pot ( I get it . . . I smell . . . enough already ! ) Silly Goose Goose Goose Goober ( Grandma Cindy got after Mom for calling me that one ) Goober Butt ( how rude ! ) Lexus ( now I 'm an expensive car ? ? ? ? ) Solid Gold Doggie ( in reference to my vet bills ) Little Love ( well , this one is a little sweet ) Little Lou Love ( I guess some of the sweet names sort of counter - balance the rude ones . . . ) Whew . I think I finally recovered from Christmas . . . now I can tell you about it ! Mom and I went to Grandma and Grandpa 's house on Christmas Eve . Hossy and I spent some time together in the afternoon , and then all of my aunts and uncles and people - cousins came over in the evening . There were a LOT of people at Grandma and Grandpa 's house . Mom and I spent the night there . We hung out with Grandma and Grandpa on Christmas morning , then Hossy and Uncle Marty came by . Hossy and I stayed at Grandma and Grandpa 's house while everyone left for a bit . You know what Hossy did ? ? ? ? He was a BAD doggy when all of the people were gone . He got up on the counter and ate some people food ! He had a coffee cake and a thing of pecan rolls . He shouldn 't have done that . Everyone was pretty upset when they got back ' cause they wanted to eat the things that Hossy ate . Mom got worried that I was involved . . . but I was in my crate , so I had a good alibi . The best part about the whole trip up there was Grandma and Grandpa 's backyard . I LOVE THAT PLACE ! I went all over , investigating everything . It was icy , so I fell on my belly a lot , but I still had fun . Each time Mom tried to take me back inside , I would run away from her . I didn 't want to go inside when there was so much to check out in the backyard ! I don 't like my Uncle Mark , by the way . On Christmas Eve , he kept trying to smoosh me by stomping on me . He 's so mean ! I love to make puppy nests out of my blankies . I curl up in ' em and stay nice and toasty with the blankies all around me . I usually use my front paws and tunnel around in my blankies to make a nest . It can take me a little while to get it just perfect . Here 's a picture of me working on a nest . Yeah , that 's my booty stickin ' up in the air . The rest of me is under the blankies , tunnelling . But check out the awesome puppy nest that Mom made for me the other day . This really , really rocked ! You could barely see me all curled up down there ! Of course Mom had to take a picture and wake me up . In the bottom picture , can you see me giving her that dirty look ? ? ? I showed her how happy I was about the camera waking me up ! Oh , this really stinks . Everything is all wet outside and it 's icy , too . I can 't walk on the sidewalk , and even the grass is all slippery . I keep flopping on my belly , and then my belly gets cooooold . How am I supposed to do my business outside when I can barely stay standing up ? ? ? ? Mom decided to change my doggie food . I was doing just fine on the old food and it was yummy in my tummy . But she said something about the new food being better for my ouchy liver and that Dr . Rebecca said I needed to eat this stuff instead . This new food sucks , though . It 's just nasty , nasty , nasty . I 'm refusing to eat it . Instead , I 've been eating the old kind of crunchy food that Mom left out . I 'd rather eat that dry junk than the new canned food . That 'll tell you just how desperate I am right now ! I 've also been scavaging around our house , looking for anything Mom might have accidently dropped . I 've even been licking the carpet . . . but that 's mainly ' cause I know it bugs Mom . Bring back my old food ! ! ! It was really , really cold . Then this weekend it got warm again . It was super windy , though . Those stupid leaves were sure flying at me in the parking lot . Mom said watching me walk out there was like watching a game of Frogger , whatever that means . I was practically a doggie kite with that wind . Then it got rainy and I got all wet . Then it got icy and my little legs flew all over the place when I tried to walk . Then it snowed again . . . with more ice on top of it . I thought the rain meant that spring was almost here . I 'm tired of this stupid snow and ice ! I don 't understand where I 'm supposed to go potty at when it snows . All of the grass is gone . That 's where I potty . I 'm gonna explode if I don 't find some grass soon . Guess what I did today . . . I saw Santa Claus ! Mom and I went shopping at the doggie store and he was there ! I sat on his lap and they took a picture . We got a neat frame for the picture , too . Mom said that it was a good thing to get a picture ' cause half of the money from the pictures goes to help doggies who don 't have houses and families . That 's pretty darn cool in my opinion . I think every doggie out there deserves a home and someone to scratch her belly ! Santa asked me what I want for Christmas . He told me he 'd tell Santa Paws . So I told him that I want COOKIES ! They 're my favorite things . Chicken cookies . . . beef cookies . . . bacon cookies . . . They 're YUMMY ! Bring on the cookies ! ! ! Aunt Katie gave me a present this weekend . I thought that was really super cool of her . I don 't get presents very often from people other than Mom and maybe Grandma Cindy . Anyway , Aunt Katie bought me a Christmas t - shirt that says " Ho Ho Ho ! " on the back of it . Mom and I thought it was cute . . . but there was a little bit of a problem . The t - shirt was extra - small . I 'm a little doggie , but not that little . Mom said I 'd need a small or maybe a medium since I 've been eating too many treats lately . But last night Mom thought she 'd try it on me anyway . I thought that was absolutely nuts . She almost got it stuck on my head ! ! ! It hurt my leg , too , because of the stupid arthritis in it . The shirt bunched up in my fur , and Mom couldn 't get it to straighten out ' cause it was too little on me . She thought it was hysterical that the " Ho Ho Ho ! " on the back was completely smooshed because of the bunching . I was not so amused . I told her the darn thing wouldn 't fit ! You 'll note that my tail is down in these pictures . I was NOT enjoying myself . . . even though Mom thought this was so funny . See those holly leaves on the back ? The " Ho Ho Ho ! " is right above there , but you can 't see it because the shirt was all smooshed ! Guess what . . . I got to go see Hoss yesterday ! He 's my buddy . We had fun barking at each other for a bit , and we sniffed each other , too . Then , we went back and forth in Grandma and Grandpa 's backyard , trying to pee on the same stuff . Hossy is a lot bigger than I am , though , so he has a lot more pee . He didn 't have much trouble covering all of my spots . I sure tried , though . The only downside of the day was in the afternoon when Uncle Marty and Grandpa watched Hossy and I . Mom left with Grandma Cindy . I think Grandpa Marion might be nuts . You know what he did to me ? ? ? Uncle Marty was sleeping on the bed , and Grandpa Marion picked me up and held me over Uncle Marty . I wasn 't sure what to think . . . and I still don 't know how Grandpa caught me . Uncle Marty woke up and told Grandpa to put me down , but he just put me on the bed and not the floor . It was WAY to high for me to jump down . I was stuck there ! And Uncle Marty just went back to sleep . I stood at the edge of the bed and tried to figure out how to get down , but it was too high . I didn 't want to be up there - - seemed dangerous to me . I never get up on the bed at home . Finally Uncle Marty woke up again and helped me get back down to the floor . I was sure glad to see Mom when she came back . . . I 'm SO TICKED at Mom right now . You wouldn 't believe what she 's done to me lately . It 's just absurd . She 's so mean ! She 's giving me this other doggie food that 's not my normal doggie food . It was o . k . at first , but I want my old food back . And then she 's putting this dry , powdery crap on top of the food . That 's just nasty ! It makes it all dry and crunchy and just gross . Then , just to add insult to injury , she 's been prying my mouth open and squirting this other nasty crap down my throat ! ! ! I just couldn 't believe it when she started doing that . I was shocked . . . she 's not usually this mean to me . This morning , she ruined my doggie food , squirted that stuff in my mouth , and THEN she poured those drops in my eyes . I had had enough ! ! ! I left her in the living room and just went to my office . She was NOT going to mess with me anymore ! What happened to my Mom ? ! If she keeps this up , I 'm looking for a new house . . . A long time ago my Mom got smart and put a water bowl in the bedroom for me . I like having choices about where to get a drink . Guess what she did tonight . . . she let me eat supper in the bedroom , too ! She said it was ' cause I didn 't eat all of my food and she didn 't want it to go to waste . So she brought the food mat in and put it by my water bowl and my bed . It was so cool to be eating in here that I gobbled that food right up . This rocks . I 've almost got her completely trained ! It snowed at my house yesterday . I really don 't like snow . It ranks right up there with leaves in my book . It 's just too cold , and it freezes my little puppy paws . Brrrr ! Here 's a picture Mom took of where we usually walk . I refused to walk any further than this , though , ' cause of that stupid snow . Mom doesn 't like snow very much either , but she told me that it made the trees and bushes pretty . Whatever . . . And here 's a picture of what one of my favorite spots looked like yesterday . The snow makes it so hard to find a good spot to leave my mark . I try to sniff around , but the snow ends up going up my nose . That 's NOT cool ! Anyway , you 'll notice that I was successful in finding a spot if you look closely . he he he ! I can 't go there today , though , ' cause the wind blew the snow around and it 's too deep by that light pole . Big bummer . . . Mom and I had a nice , lazy , stay - home day today . These types of days are the best . I don 't know why she thinks she has to go to work . We went for a walk this afternoon and my leg was only a little ouchy . We played my favorite game tonight , too - - " you try to pet me ; I try to bite you . " I LOVE that game ! We hadn 't played that for a while ' cause I haven 't felt very good . Stupid , ouchy leg . Tonight I decided to tunnel under the covers on my doggie bed . Mom thought it was hilarious . . . I have no idea why . Anyway , she felt she had to keep taking pictures of me . That 's annoying ' cause she kept waking me up . Oh , well . I suppose I did look pretty darn cute . . . as usual . . . Posted by She did it - - I can 't believe Mom actually did it ! I 'm so upset with her . . . Yesterday , she left me at the VET . . . and today she took me to the GROOMER ! How rude . When she came home in the middle of the day , I knew what was going on . So you know what I did ? I went and tried to hide in the back of my crate . I refused to come out of it , too . Mom had to crawl in there and pull me out . I was NOT going to willingly go to the groomer ! I showed her . . . I should have known something was going on this morning when Mom asked me if I wanted to go for a ride . She took me to the VET and then she LEFT ME THERE ! ! ! I 'm a doggie pin cushion . They poked my leg with a needle and then gave me some food . So I thought things were all good . Wrong answer . They waited a while and then they poked me in the leg again ! Ouch . I was so happy to see Mom when she came to get me . . . even if I am a bit ticked at her for leaving me there . What 's next . . . the groomer ? ! ? ! My leg has been ouchy lately . It hurts to walk , so this morning I just refused to go potty outside . Mom kept trying to make me , but I wouldn 't have anything to do with that . She says that my leg is ouchy because of Arthur Itis bothering it with the colder weather . I have absolutely no idea who that is . The only doggy that I hang out with is my cousin Hoss , and Mom and I don 't hang out together with her people friends very often ' cause she 's so busy . So who on earth is Arthur Itis and what did I do to HIM ? ! A squirrel tried to KILL me this morning ! ! ! I was almost viciously attacked ! o . k . Well , maybe it wasn 't technically a " vicious attack , " but a squirrel did try to dive - bomb me with a nut . The stupid thing actually THREW a nut at me from way up in a tree ! Can you believe that ? ! The nut landed less than a foot away from my little head . I hardly ever chase squirrels . I wonder if that one had me confused with another doggie . . . Mom had a stay - home day today . I don 't think she was feeling very good . I 'm just glad she let ME stay home , too , ' cause you know what she did last week and this week ? She took me to the doggie doctor for FIVE days in a row ! How rude ! On two days she actually left me alone there all morning . I 've been so poked and prodded that it ain 't funny . Dr . Rebecca and Dr . Curt are nice and stuff , but nobody likes to be stuck at the vet . Now Mom 's making me take pills . She seems pretty sad about something , too . I don 't know what , though , ' cause I feel fine . She said I have bad liver problems , whatever that means . I just give her some extra kisses when she gets so sad . My Mom absolutely loves the fall because of the cooler temperatures and the pretty colors . I won 't argue about the temperatures - - summer is just TOO hot for me . I can 't see many of those colors she 's always talking about , though . The tops of those trees are pretty high up there , and I 've got some short little legs . By the time the leaves are on my level , they 're crunchy and brown . I know that " hate " is a pretty strong word , but I think it accurately describes my feelings towards leaves . I know I 've complained about them before , too . But here 's an official list on why I don 't like leaves . . . maybe you 'll see where I 'm coming from . . . They 're crunchy and scratchy under my little paws . The crunching sound scares me sometimes , especially when someone else steps on them near me . I can 't feel the ground when I walk through them . I can 't figure out what 's under the leaves . I might be missing something that I need to check out . They 're impossible to sniff through . They 're just in the way . I 'm a busy doggie and I don 't need the additional challenge . They get stuck in the fur on my face when I try to sniff stuff on the ground . They get stuck in my floppy ears when I try to sniff stuff on the ground . They get stuck in the fur on my little legs when I have to walk through them . Sometimes they hurt when they get stuck like that . Mom has to help pull them off of me . Sometimes Mom thinks I look funny when I have leaves stuck to me . How rude . When they 're wet , they stick to me in even more places . When I try to pee on something , the leaves get in the way and block my target . If I do pee on them near my target , they just blow away . Thus , I can 't leave my mark where I want to . When I get near a leaf that another doggie has peed on , I end up getting the pee - pee on me . That ain 't cool . The rattling sound scares me when they blow in the wind . I can 't figure out where the rattling is actually coming from , so I have to be on guard more than usual . And when it 's windy . . . PROJECTILE LEAF MISSILES ! I swear they all aim right for me . That 's a good start for my lPosted by Mom 's been hogging the computer lately . She 's SO RUDE ! She says she has to have it so that she can do her homework . She doesn 't understand that I need time to update my blog . Doggies have online needs , too . Then she tells me that she has to study so that she can graduate and get another job so we can get a nice , big yard for me . She says I can have my very own trees to pee on and my very own yard where no other doggies can go potty . When I was a puppy I had a yard at my old home . That was before Mom adopted me . There were lots of other doggies there , though . ( They didn 't like me . . . those big bullies . ) Anyway , I like yards . Grandma 's yard is really , really cool . But Mom 's too busy with school and homework . I don 't get nearly enough attention anymore . I pottied in my crate yesterday just to prove my point . A yard someday would be cool . . . but I want more time with Mom NOW ! This antibiotic stuff is getting really , really cool - - I 'm eating SO much rice these days ! Rice is one of my absolute favorite things . The only bad part is that Mom keeps prying my little mouth open and poking a stupid pill down my throat . I gnaw on her finger each time she does that , just to emphasize my disgust . But I can 't be mad for long . . . ' cause she keeps giving me rice ! My bladder is feeling better these days . I wonder how many more pills I have to take . . . I came upon a wonderful realization today . . . Mom wants me to take my antibiotic so my bladder infection will go away . I have to have food in my tummy before Mom gives me the pill . So , if I hold out and don 't eat any of my doggie food , Mom will break down and make me some RICE ! I love that stuff . It 's my favorite thing . Usually I 'm a meat sort of girl , but that rice stuff is the tops in my book . Mom had to make me some rice twice today . he he he . I 've got a good system going . I plan to keep this up for as long as she 's making me take those stupid pills . I decided to nap under my doggie bed last night while Mom watched TV . I wedged myself between my blue blankie and the bed , then worked my back under the bed . Mom thought it was hysterical . She couldn 't figure out why I wanted to sleep like that . I was rather comfy . Wonder why I 've been quiet lately ? I 've been sick . Mom even made me go to that VET again ! She was worried that I had more icky bladder stones ' cause I was having accidents in my crate . Dr . Rebecca said it was just a bladder infection , but they made me have tests done to be sure . I really don 't like the vet . . . even though they 're nice there and they love doggies . But no doggie likes to be poked and prodded ! So I 've got some pills that I need to take for a while . Mom tries to hide them in my doggie food . She actually thinks that I don 't know they 're there , if you can believe that . I 'm not an idiot . I went to the doggie spa last week , so I 'm really super cute right now , too . When you don 't feel good , it helps a little to know that you 're still adorable . Mom had the groomer trim my ears so that they don 't flop in my water bowl so much . That made me even cuter ! I got in trouble this morning . I wanted to go for a long walk and Mom just wouldn 't listen to me at all . I couldn 't figure out what the matter was with her . Then I realized that it was raining . It wasn 't bad , so I didn 't care . I 've got fur ! But Mom said she was having a " good hair day " ( whatever that is ) and I ruined it . She was not a happy camper . Oops . . . Yes , I 'm a spoiled doggie . Don 't you think it 's worth it , though , when you see the type of crap I have to put up with ? ! Mom and I like to play with this blue blankie , but she took it a little too far . . . Mom and I had lazy days all weekend . We even got an extra day off of work . Some holiday - - doesn 't matter why to a doggie . I was just happy to have another free day with Mom . Here 's a picture of what I did today : Oh - - I almost got to poop on my leash again this morning . Mom noticed and stopped just as I was getting ready to do my thing . How rude . She really doesn 't want me to poop on the leash , though . Oh , well . It 's fun ! I hate my leash . . . but I 'm sure you already know that . Today , however , I got my revenge . It took quite a while to plan out the perfect method , and this morning a wonderful opportunity presented itself . I was hunting and hunting and hunting for the perfect spot to go # 2 . At the very last minute , I spun myself around in a circle and the leash had no choice but to wrap around behind me . Yes , I pooped right on that stupid leash today ! he he heMom wasn 't too happy , but I sure enjoyed it . Would you believe that Mom made me take ANOTHER bath ? ! I really don 't like getting all wet like that . She told me that I was stinky and that I needed to be clean because we were going to go see Grandma and Grandpa again tomorrow . I just don 't understand that , though , because I got to be stinky when I was at their house back when Mom was sick . I think my Mom 's just picky . She even took pictures of me in the tub . How rude ! I thought I was going to just have to climb out myself . . . Stupid bath tub ! Tuesday was a work day , but guess what . . . Mom and I went to see Grandma and Grandpa in the afternoon ! I got to play with my cousin Hoss in the backyard . We romped around for a while . Hossy played with his Kong , too . He loves that thing . We both think that Grandma and Grandpa 's backyard is awesome . Mom took some pictures of us playing . Aren 't we adorable ? Mom thinks it 's funny ' cause I 'm so little and Hossy is so big . Here 's a picture of Hossy and I romping in the yard . Grandma and Grandpa have the coolest yard ever . It 's SO big ! And some more romping . . . I was afraid Hossy was going to run over me ! See that silly Kong in his mouth , too ? He really loves that thing . I don 't think he knows that there 's supposed to be food inside it ! Then we sat outside for a while , just enjoying the day with Mom and Grandpa Marion . Hoss got pretty tired and he flopped on Grandma Cindy 's bed ! I got tired , too , but I waited until we were driving home . I zonked out in the car . Good thing I don 't have to help drive ! I must have been a really good doggie . Mom took me to the pond early this morning and again this evening . That 's TWO trips in one day ! Posted by I feel really bad now for complaining about how boring Mom was . You know what she did today ? She took me to the farmer 's market ! I love going to the market because there are so many people there and there 's so much stuff to sniff . I don 't even know how many times today I heard , " Oh , what a cute doggie ! " I know I 'm cute , but it 's always great to hear other people say that . I get lots and lots of extra petting there , too . I got pretty tired , though , ' cause it was a lot of walking . And I had to be careful because there were a lot of people there . That 's a lot of feet that I have to watch out for - - don 't want to be stepped on ! But even with all of those feet , I still had a pretty cool day . I guess taking that bath last night was worth it since I got so much petting at the market ! This doesn 't make much sense to me . . . Each month , Mom puts this nasty junk on my back . It stinks and it makes me all icky and greasy . She says I have to have it to keep the fleas away . You know what it is , though ? It 's a people repellent ! She puts that junk on me and then tells people not to pet me when we go on walks . How rude ! Then , just to add insult to injury , a few days after she puts that junk on me , she makes me take a bath to get the stuff off ! It 's just absurd . This is cruel and unusual punishment . So you know what ? I 'm breaking the cycle this time . I don 't care if I 've got the nasty stuff on me - - Mom 's not going to give me a bath ! Shhhh ! Don 't tell her I 'm hiding in the bedroom . . . I woke Mom up really early today ' cause I thought it was a stay - home day . Turns out that we have to work today , though . Oops ! Anyway , I somehow convinced Mom to take me for a walk around the pond this morning . Woo hoo ! I couldn 't believe it . That 's TWO long walks in a row ! So very cool . I 'm beginning to feel bad about saying Mom was boring . . . She actually didn 't want to walk around the pond this morning . I think she wanted to go back to sleep instead . But you know what I did ? I just kept tugging and trying to go that direction . I was a doggie on a mission . . . and it worked . She finally just gave in . I got SO excited when we finally went that way . I was Super Doggie at times , just flying down that path so fast that Mom couldn 't keep up with me . My little legs were moving right along . But now I think it 's time to take a nap . . . we did get up pretty early . . . Mom took me to that really , super - cool park again tonight ! I had so much fun . I got pretty excited when she pulled into the parking lot ' cause I remembered when we went there before . This time we went on a really long walk around the park , though - - way longer than we went the last time ! There were SO many new smells to sniff . You wouldn 't believe how many other doggies had been there . It was really fun to go on such a long sniffing spree , but I got a little tired in the middle . Mom couldn 't keep up with me at the start , then I couldn 't keep up with her in the middle , but then she couldn 't keep up with me again at the end . That was so funny . I love the park ! My Mom is so boooooring ! She gets home from work and just wants to sit on the couch . Geez . Give me a break ! I 've been sitting in my office all day long and I 'm ready to play , play , play . The woman just doesn 't understand . . . Not a lot for me to report tonight . Typical evening for Mom and I . Went for a walk . Ate some supper . Took a nap . Went for another walk . Played with squeaky toys . Begged Mom for more food . Went outside again . Begged Mom for more food again . Now I 'm getting ready to take another nap . I wish Mom would hurry up and just go to bed so that I can , too . I should have known something was up this morning . Mom chased me around outside trying to get me to potty in a little container . But then she went to work and I went to watch TV just like a normal day . So I thought things were o . k . Nope . My luck ran out . When Mom came home from work , she took me to the VET ! The doggie doctor ! ! It 's not a fun place . I was poked and prodded and weighed and tugged on . Ugh ! They even poked my leg and took some blood out . I got a cool pink bandage from that , but it annoyed me ' cause I couldn 't move my leg like normal . The vet gave me some yummy cookies when we left . I was just happy to be going , though . I 'd had enough of the doggie doctor ! Mom felt bad ' cause I was poked so much , so we went to the doggie store after the vet . The doggie store ROCKS . I got a new squeaky toy that 's really cool . I was flingin ' it around the room earlier . Mom also got me a little apple doggie dessert . Yummy in my tummy ! Guess what . . . Grandma and Grandpa came down to my house to see me ! I was so surprised . Mom took me out to potty , and all of the sudden I see Grandma and Grandpa out in our parking lot . I like visiting with Grandma and Grandpa . Extra petting and extra attention sure never hurt ! I know how to weasel stuff out of Grandma , too , just like I do my Mom . Nobody can resist my cute little face ! They didn 't give me much of their supper , so that was a bummer . Grandma did sneak me a couple little pieces of potato chips , though . Grandma rocks ! Grandpa sometimes drops food on the floor , too , so I like to stake out the area where he sits . Want to hear something funny ? When nobody was watching , Grandpa went and messed with our thermostat ! He was complaining ' cause he was cold . . . but he got confused and made it even colder in here . I froze my little hiney off until Mom realized what happened the next morning . Grandpa is sure sneaky ! I do have one beef with Grandpa , though . You know what he tells people about me ? ! He likes to say that he can 't tell which end is my front and which is my back ! He even convinced my uncles that I need a shirt with an arrow on it so they know which way I 'm going . How rude ! ! ! I woke Mom up early today and we went for a walk around the pond . That 's a GREAT way to start the day , if you ask me ! I love the pond . We were out there so early , too , that there weren 't any other doggies around to bother me . Mom and I had the pond to ourselves . Since our walk , Mom 's been busy cleaning in our kitchen . I decided to take things easy today , though . It 's a lazy summer day for me ! Mom took some pictures as proof . . . I hate to point out the obvious . . . but I 'm just so cute ! Mom took me to the doggie spa this morning for a day of beauty . I got an absolutely adorable hair cut . I don 't really like going to the doggie spa , though . You know why ? ' Cause I have to take a bath there ! I hate taking baths . My ears aren 't itchy and stinky anymore , so I guess that 's good . It 's rather embarrassing , though , when the people at the doggie spa trim the hair on my bottom and clean out my . . . um . . . glands back there . So very humiliating . . . I 'm even cuter than normal now , though , and Mom really likes it when I 'm this adorable . I suppose I do get extra petting and scratching , too , when I don 't stink . But I still don 't like to take baths . . . even at the spa . Mom keeps asking me where Hossy is . He 's at Grandma 's house , not our house ! She thinks it 's hilarious when I start looking for him after she asks . So why is she asking me where he is if he 's not here ? ! Good grief . I 'm a DOG . How cool do you think you are by tricking me ? ! Mom 's such a dork . Mom and I went for a ride yesterday . . . and we spent the day at Grandma and Grandpa 's house ! I got to play in the backyard and go for rides in Grandma 's car . I even got to hang out with Hossy ! Uncle Marty stopped by , too . I got lots of scratches and rubs from everyone . What a cool day . We even sat outside and watched a parade go by Grandma 's house . I got a little scared when the firetrucks went by because their sirens were SO LOUD . Grandpa Marion put his fingers in his ears ! You know what the best part was ? We only went for a day - long visit ! Mom and I came home late , late last night . I love going to Grandma 's house . . . but there 's no place like home ! I 've had some time to compare a couple of TV channels while Mom 's been at work lately . I usually watch QVC . Have for years . There 's some cool stuff on QVC . One day , though , Mom accidently changed the channel on my TV when she was turning it on . She didn 't know she did it , either . The button she pushed turned my QVC into ESPN , so I watched that for a long time . After a while , Mom realized what she did , but she left it on those sports anyway . Sports are o . k . , I suppose . I learned a whole lot . Today she switched the channel back . I realized , too , that change is good now and then . . . but QVC is still the best for me ! I had such a cool day yesterday ! Mom took me for a walk around the pond early in the morning . She usually doesn 't take me to the pond when I wake her up early like that . She did yesterday , though . It was a beautiful day , too . There was this huge puddle over there - - the sidewalk was flooded from all of the rain we 've had . You know what I did ? Mom tried to get me to walk around the water , but I decided to go right through the middle ! I got all wet up to my sides . My belly was completely soaked . Mom couldn 't believe I did that because I hate to take baths . This was different , though . It was a puddle ! I am a dog , after all . . . Last night , Mom took me to the park , too . I got to go for two long walks in one day ! How cool is that ? ! We hadn 't gone to the park in a long time . There was all sorts of stuff to sniff there . Lots of doggies had been at the park , so I had to leave my mark on a lot of stuff . I love going to the park ! Today it was back to work for Mom and I , though . Bummer . Oh , well . I 'm gonna keep thinking about that park . . . I hope she takes me again soon ! This weather is impossible . Yesterday when Mom got home from work , it was way too hot for me to take care of business outside . Mom made me stay out there anyway until I pottied a little . She took me out two or three other times before we went night - night , too , but it was still too hot and humid for me . I didn 't want to take the time to find a good " spot . " So I woke Mom up in the middle of the night and we went out again . Would you believe that it was raining out there that time ? ! I just can 't catch a break . Mom took me out a couple of times in the middle of the night , but it was stormy all night , so that wasn 't much fun . And , of course , the stupid thunder scared me , so Mom and I were up most of the night . Want to know a secret ? I peed in my crate last night . I just couldn 't hold it anymore , and the weather wasn 't cooperating with my bladder . Shhhh . . . . don 't tell Mom ! ! ! Oh , wow . . . has it REALLY been almost a month since I 've had a chance to write ? ! Things have been a little crazy for me . Mom got super busy with homework , so I got to go spend a couple of weeks at Grandma and Grandpa 's house . I have so much fun there - - it was sort of my summer vacation . Grandma sneaks me scraps of food and stuff . he he he . I love that . I 'm not supposed to have people food anymore ' cause of my bladder stones . Grandma spoils me , though . I spent a lot of time with Hoss when I was at Grandma and Grandpa 's house . He 's my cousin , and he stays at Grandma 's house a lot of the time , too . I think he 's there a lot more than me , though . Uncle Marty drops him off every afternoon when he goes to work . It 's fun to hang with Hossy . He 's got Grandma trained to take him for rides in the car . . . so I got to go , too ! That was so much fun . Grandma would drive us around town . Hossy got the backseat - - ' cause he 's such a big doggy - - and I got to sit up front with Grandma and Grandpa . I love going for rides . Mom doesn 't take me NEARLY often enough ! Grandma has an awesome backyard , too , and it has a fence all of the way around it . I got to just romp all over the place . So very cool . I liked to find a good spot and then just roll around on my back in the grass . Awwwwww . There 's also a cool tree at the far side of the yard . I went and sat in the shade there quite a bit , just to watch the world go by . Grandma usually sent Grandpa out to get me when they decided it was time to go inside . They weren 't very happy when I didn 't just run back up to the house . I really didn 't want to leave that nice , shady spot ! Mom 's been pretty busy with work lately . I guess she 's done with school for the summer , though . Maybe now she 'll let me use the computer more often to write stuff here . . . Let 's hope ! Happy Birthday to me ! ! ! Mom sang to me this morning , and she gave me a couple of extra belly rubs . I got extra cookies with my supper , too . I love my birthday ! I used to get a whole hot dog of my very own on my birthday . Mom said that I couldn 't have one this year , though , because I 'm only supposed to eat my special doggie food . I really love those hot dogs , but I don 't want to have surgery again on my belly . I 'm tired of those stupid bladder stones ! So , no more birthday hot dogs for me . Bummer . At least Mom doesn 't make me wear one of those stupid party hats on my birthday anymore . I 'm posting a couple of pictures here from two years ago . That was the last time she made me wear a hat . . . and I think the second picture will show you why . The stupid hat attacked me ! I was traumatized for a while . I was so upset that I couldn 't even eat my birthday hot dog ! No more party hats for me . Where does the time go ? I can 't believe I 'm 8 years old today . That means that I 've lived with Mom for almost 6 full years now . It sure doesn 't seem like it has been that long . I was born on June 13 , 2000 , and Mom adopted me on July 12 , 2002 . I 've been living the good life since then . I 'm spoiled rotten - - it took me a few years , but I 've finally got Mom trained just the way I like ! Are doggies supposed to have a mid - life crisis ? If so , I 'd better get working on that . . . Posted by Sorry I haven 't been able to post in a while . I was grounded , and Mom wouldn 't let me use the computer . We had a little disagreement last week . Mom said she needed to go back to work , but I wanted her to stay home with me . So I decided to let her know just how upset at her I was . . . by peeing in my crate every day . On Friday , I even rolled around in it a bit , just so that I smelled " great " for Mom . Boy , was she mad ! She grounded me . We also had a discussion about how she needs to go to work so that we have money to buy doggie food and doggie toys . I suppose she has a point there . I decided I 'd better shape up and just get used to being back in my office during the day . I haven 't pottied inside again . ( She made me take a bath on Friday after I rolled in the messy crate - - I really HATE baths ! ) It stinks that she 's at work again , though . I really liked spending all of my time with her when she was home sick for the last few months . I even got to nap on the couch with her every day . Oh , well . I suppose that having money for doggie food is more important . . . We had a lot of rain the other night , and since then these huge ant hills have popped up all over . They even tried to take over one of my favorite sniffing spots outside . So you know what I did ? I sniffed ' em and then hiked my leg on ' em ! Yes , I " watered " that ant hill . You should have seen them scamper ! he he he . My belly started to hurt today . Here 's a picture of it . Isn 't it just gross ? ! Mom said that it 's probably not anything we need to worry about and that it will get better soon . She put some medicine on it for me . She said something about how it 's just the stitches from my surgery . I thought they were supposed to stay inside my tummy and just go away , but it looks like they 're trying to come out now . I hope Mom 's right and my belly gets better soon . Stupid bladder stones . Posted by Mom keeps trying to get me to eat that dry , crunchy crap that she bought . I 'd much rather have the canned food , though . You know what she actually did this evening ? She mixed my canned food up with that dry junk ! So , I showed her . I picked up a piece of the dry food , walked over to her , and spit it out by her foot ! Ha ! She should know better than to mess with me . . . I can 't believe Mom took this picture of me . And now she 's making me post it on MY blog - - just as if I was the one who wanted it out on the internet . I can 't believe my puppy belly is on display for the world to see . This is so embarrassing . . . Those bladder stones I had were pretty icky . Want to see how nasty they were ? I actually have a picture of them . They look pretty cool , but I 'm really happy that they 're on the outside now and not still poking me in the tummy ! Mom and I have both been feeling sick lately , so that 's why I haven 't posted anything in a while . Mom took me to see Dr . Rebecca yesterday . She told Mom that I was feeling icky because I had stones in my bladder again . ( This happened last year , too . Mom and I are both getting tired of it ! ) Would you believe that Mom LEFT ME at the vet 's office yesterday ? ! I was so scared . . . and a bit ticked at her . This morning , Dr . Rebecca and Dr . Curt actually took me in for surgery , and they got those nasty stones out . I feel pretty crummy now , so I need to go back to sleep . Mom told me that I 'd feel better in a couple of days . She 's going to add some pictures here that she took of me tonight . My pink bandage is covering up my pain patch . My incision is actually on my tummy . Posted by It was SUCH a windy day today ! I tried to walk outside and the wind kept pushing me sideways . It was just crazy . I went up to sniff the light pole in the parking lot , and the wind blew this big piece of paper over and smacked it into the pole . That 's enough to scare the " shih " out of this Shih Tzu ! Those leaves were terrible , too . They 're dangerous projectiles in wind like this . One leaf had the nerve to smack me in my back legs when I was walking , and the wind kept it stuck there until I turned around ! It was pretty frightening . It didn 't help matters that Mom thought it was funny . Stupid wind . . . There 's only one thing better than having someone scratch your belly . . . It 's when Mom gets out the hairbrush and brushes the belly ! Oh , I love that . I almost fell asleep when she was brushing me tonight . Sooo nice . That 's just like a doggie massage ! I have the right to change my mind , don 't I ? My Mom doesn 't seem to think so . Take tonight , for example . We went outside so that I could do my thing . I took care of business and I was ready to come back inside . Mom didn 't agree . She made me go for a walk in the cold ! After we got going , though , I decided that it wasn 't too bad of a night for a walk . I started to enjoy myself . Wouldn 't you know it , we were back at our building in no time at all and Mom made me come back inside ! I didn 't want to . I wanted to sniff some more and check a few other things out . But noooooo . Mom had to drag me inside , claiming she was tired and that I 'd had enough time to check my pee - mail . It was just ridiculous . Why is SHE the boss all of the time ? ! I 've got to figure out how to train her better . . . I think Mom went to PetSmart today . . . ' cause I got new Kongs ! I have two brand new ones now and one that 's a little old . I love the new ones - - especially when Mom fills ' em with my canned doggie food ! Those things are like Chuck ' E Cheese for doggies . I get to eat yummy stuff and I get to play , too . Very cool ! Mom took some pictures because I was so excited . Mom taped Oprah 's show from last week on puppy mills , and she just finally worked up the nerve to watch it last night . It was SO sad ! Please check out Oprah 's resources on animal rescues : http : / / www2 . oprah . com / tows / pastshows / 200804 / tows _ past _ 20080404 _ b . jhtml ? promocode = incl20080404bpage . If you 're looking to increase your family , please consider adoption from a shelter or animal rescue . Don 't support the puppy mills ! Dogs are people , too , and no doggie should ever have to live in the conditions shown on Oprah 's secret footage . I felt so bad for all of those puppy dogs . It 's just horrible , too , that doggies are put to sleep in shelters because nobody wants them . Surely someone out there could give those puppies a good , loving home ! Have I ever told you my story ? I was born at a breeder 's house , and I was adopted by some nice people parents . I was sick when I was born , and my first people parents helped to make me all better . I had a lot of other Shih Tzu siblings there , though , and they picked on me a lot . I was always so scared . The other dogs wouldn 't even let me eat very much dog food ! So , when my first people parents found out that Mom was looking to adopt , they asked her if she could give me a good home . We 've been together ever since . I love living here - - I 'm the only doggie ; I 'm spoiled rotten ; and I run the show ! Please make another puppy 's dreams come true . Adopt from a shelter or rescue ! ! ! The days are getting warmer . The sun is shining brighter . The grass is even getting greener ! Want to hear something funny , though ? Mom never let me potty right in front of our building until she hurt her back and couldn 't walk very far . I like it this way because I don 't have to walk very far when I really have to go . Anyway , I pick different spots each time . So now that the grass is starting to get green again , we 've got several bright green polka dots all over in front of the building . It 's so funny looking ! I guess I need to work on " fertilizing " other spots out there , too ! I love it when the weather gets warmer . I 'm a fair - weather type of gal , so I 'm not a big fan of winter . ( Well , I don 't really like summer , either . Thank goodness for air conditioning ! ) I tried to chase a robin the other day . Mom wouldn 't let me catch it . Stupid leash . If I was free , that birdie would have been MINE ! Of course , I 'm not sure what I would have done with it if I had actually caught it . . . I got to go for a walk around the pond today . I love going over there ! Some other doggies sort of scared me , but it turned out o . k . There are so many different smells to sniff at the pond . I really wish that I didn 't have to stay on my leash , though . My mom just holds me back . I can 't explore nearly as much as I 'd like to . Mom is so slow . I loved Grandma Cindy 's backyard where I got to roam all over on my own . That rocked ! This leash business has been hard to adjust to again . It stinks . I want a backyard with a fence ! I 'm so glad to be back home ! It seems like I 've been gone forever . My mom hurt her back a few months ago , and I got to stay with all sorts of different people . I spent some time over at Knee 's house with her parents . I went to Grandma Pat and Grandpa George 's house for a couple of weeks , and then I spent a lot of time with Grandma Cindy and Grandpa Marion . I really loved Grandma Cindy and Grandpa Marion 's back yard ! I got to run and play and sniff all on my own . I liked to follow my cousin Hoss around , too . Man , he 's a big doggy . That long tail of his almost whacked me a few times ! I 'm not sure why , but Grandpa Marion kept stealing my doggie bed at night . He took my blanket , too . Maybe he was just confused . Sure made for some interesting nights ! Anyway , it 's great to be back home now . Here 's a picture of what I did last night . I was pretty content . Can you tell ? I 'm the curator of " Articulate Animals Gallery " in the National Gallery of Writing ! Please submit a piece of writing or a link to your favorite blog post , tweet , etc . Anything animal - authored goes ! |
The first place we lived where I actually knew the name of our street , was Kearn Street . I was six or seven when we moved there . Prior to this , we lived not far away where I have a few scattered memories of coming home from school and watching Speed Racer on channel 52 , which was a UHF channel . My older sister Linda once fell backwards in a kitchen chair , hit her arm on an electrical plug and got shocked . My little sister was caught eating dog food out of the bowl on the kitchen floor . A pro - wrestler who was bald with a mustache lived across the street and had a huge flag pole . The first morning we were there , we had cereal for breakfast . For whatever reason , I did not eat all of my cereal . I may not have been hungry , or maybe I didn 't like it that much since it wasn 't what I normally had . All I know is that not finishing my cereal was not an option . The lady ( and mother of the children there ) told me I had to finish it and that if I didn 't , I would end up having it for lunch . Maybe I didn 't take her seriously . I was excused from the table and allowed to go play . Later when we were called into the kitchen for lunch , my sister and the two girls who lived there were presented with sandwiches and milk . I was given my bowl of cereal from that morning , which had been stored in the fridge . If I hadn 't the appetite for it that morning , there was far less chance of me wanting to eat it now . Now it was a multi - colored , gooey mass floating in milk . I don 't think anyone would be able to eat it unless they were starving to death . But the mother wasn 't kidding . This was my lunch . She was being true to her word . I would be allowed nothing else until I had finished my breakfast . I did not eat the " cereal . " I sat there staring at the goop while the others ate their sandwiches . I was only 5 years old , so I did not argue or put up a fight . I barely knew this woman and was intimidated by her . She had a very no - nonsense attitude toward me and was insistent that I was going to finish my cereal or I would eat nothing at all . After the other kids finished eating , once again , we were all excused from the table , and the dreaded bowl was put back into the refrigerator . Later , when the husband had come home and dinner had been made , we were called into the kitchen again . Everyone had a plate of cooked food placed before them on the table and I was given my bowl of cereal . I cried . I pleaded . I told them it was too yucky . I could not eat it . I told them I was starving and needed food . The lady ( with the backing of her husband ) told me if I was hungry then I should finish my breakfast , and if I was still hungry after that , I could have some dinner . I could not understand why they were making such a big deal over the cereal and I hated them . I wanted to go home . I didn 't care that my house was empty and there was no one there to take care of me . I just wanted to be away from these people and have something to eat . Once again , I failed to eat the cereal and there was no form of punishment . We were excused from the table and allowed to play until it was bed time . I watched the girls play while I held my aching stomach . The following morning , there were four bowls of cereal on the table when we came to the kitchen for breakfast . Three of them were fresh , and one came from the fridge . She just wasn 't going to let up on this . Again , I sat at the table and cried with my head and stomach hurting from hunger and feeling despair that there was no way out of this situation other than eating this bowl of thick , colored milk . The cereal was not even recognizable as cereal anymore . I knew now that I would have no food until my parents came back from Tijuana . I had no idea when that would be . I had to eat this disgusting cereal or starve . I chose to starve . Lunch time was a repeat of the previous day . The other kids were presented with a lunch of Chef - Boyardee Spaghettios and I was given that god - damned bowl of cereal from the fridge . I hated that lady now with a passion , and I was really hungry . More than I 'd ever been before . I was desperate to eat , but the thought of trying to consume what was in that bowl made my stomach clench and made me feel like I would vomit , if only there had been in anything in my stomach to actually throw up . The other kids finished eating and were excused . I was sitting there by myself . This time I was told that I could not be excused from the table until I had eaten the cereal . She told me this had gone on long enough and I was going to eat it . I guess she knew she couldn 't starve me and might have been thinking of how she was going to explain to my parents that I had not eaten the entire time they were away . Stuck in an impossible situation , I finally began thinking of an alternative way out . I had always done what I was told and never defied authority , but there was no way I could comply in this situation . I had to be bad to get out of this predicament . The lady did not stay in the kitchen with me the whole time , so I was alone for a while . There was a window next to the kitchen table with no screen . I saw an opportunity . I opened the window and dumped the contents of the bowl onto the back patio . I closed the window and set my bowl back on the table in front of me . I wondered what would happen if they saw the mess I had made on the back patio . Would these strangers spank me ? If so , would they use a belt or a yard stick ? Now that I was finally freed from the cereal I should 've felt relief , but I was terrified of getting caught at cheating my way out of it . When the lady came back into the kitchen I told her I had eaten the cereal and asked if I could be excused . She asked me if I wanted another bowl since it had been so long since I had eaten . The last thing I wanted was to start this whole wretched cycle over again , so I declined . As hungry as I was , I resolved to wait until lunch time to eat anything . As we played through the hours between breakfast and lunch , I waited every second to be called before her , or even worse , before her husband to explain why there was a milky mess splattered on the patio below the kitchen window , but it never happened . I was allowed to eat lunch , and then dinner without incident . I wonder now , if they had found the mess , would they have scraped it back into the bowl and insisted that I eat it ? I also wonder how people can be that way . How could someone starve a child over what amounted to just a few cents worth of food ? How could someone be that way with a child that is not even their own ? I 'm not saying what they did was viciously abusive - god knows children have suffered far worse at the hands of adults . The daily news always has some fresh horror story that will break your heart and baffle your mind . But even still - what if I hadn 't dumped the cereal out , and hadn 't eaten it ? What shape would I have been in when my parents returned ? By dumping the cereal and getting myself out of that situation , I also gave the people babysitting me a way out of the trouble they were potentially getting themselves into . But of course , I didn 't think of that then . Thinking about it now , I also wonder if my parents would have done anything at all - even if they knew the full circumstances . Probably not . Wanting to be good neighbors and be accepted , and being grateful for the favor of babysitting , they probably would have gone along with the lady and assured her that she was right and that they would have done the same thing . Then they would have assured her that I would be punished as soon as we got home for wasting food and misbehaving . Cantalina Frieze is a mostly ordinary girl with modest ambitions . She wants to be an historian like her father . She 's intelligent , capable and attractive , and wants to be a good daughter and citizen . Circumstances beyond her control throw her life off - course and put her on a path with adventures beyond anything she would 've imagined , or even believed possible . Warring factions fight for control of the country and from the beginning , Cantalina is caught up in the conflict . From her involuntary involvement in the fighting , she goes on to become a pivotal player who at times is reminiscent of Joan of Arc , but without the religious aspect . Before all is said and done , the fate of her town , her country , and the future , hinges on this beautiful and brave unwitting heroine . If you decide to read this , I recommend starting on chapter 2 . The introduction , and preface are 12 % of the book . That 's the first time he tells you about what he 's going to tell you . After the very fascinating background story that begins in chapter two , he goes off track again until about the 60 % mark . I just kept skipping pages , looking for when he was going to get to his actual Theory of Everything . Finally , I saw a sentence where he said , " Now let 's get back to the theory . " And then he proceeded to ramble off - track again until he said the same thing again . Then he rambled more and more and I kept skipping pages until I saw at the end of a paragraph that he said , Now you 've been properly primed and initiated , or something to that effect , " So let us begin ! " And then there was a few more pages where he builds up to what he 's about to finally tell you about his theory and then … . here it comes … . almost there … getting really , really close now … . any sentence now … . and … . Save your money , time , and aggravation and consider reading Our Ultimate Reality - Life , The Universe , & the Destiny of Mankind . ( You can find a free PDF online . The paperback is a whopping $ 33 . ) I just read one of those books . It was just recently self - published by an author that I like . He writes really well with a nice , clean style and no beating around the bush . No info dumps and no long passages about the terrain , shrubbery or weather . Like I like . I hate spoilers , so I 'll never provide any . I 'll just say this : the story takes place 1 , 000 years in the future . The main character , Thurii , is a misfit . He isn 't like anyone else , and couldn 't be if he tried . He violates customs , regulations , laws , and all accepted rules of civilized behavior . He 's not trying to be a rebel , and he doesn 't like the fact that he 's been a lifelong problem for the parents he loves . He just doesn 't perceive the world the way everyone else does . Thurii is a freak with a secret that no one knows . They all know he 's different and doesn 't behave , but what they don 't know is that he can see . Everyone else is blind . That alone didn 't seem like it was going to make for an interesting book , but knowing that the writer is really good , I decided I had to have more of his stuff to read , so I bought this book . As it turned out , I fell in love with it . The world created by John Zanetti in which everyone is blind was so fully believable that you can 't help but get immersed in the story . In addition to this physical peculiarity , there is also a fully different culture , belief system , environment , etc . The story really transports you to a time , place , and culture that you 've never been to before . All writers are creators of worlds , but the thing is , we 've been to them before - even if we haven 't been to a specific place , we 've been to one very much like it . In a sci - fi , you end up on another planet that is similar to other planets you 've been to . In fantasy , you encounter new races , but they 're very much like other races . In other fiction , you may see Earth in a different time or a different way , but it 's very much like ways it 's been portrayed before . In The Gardener Who Could See , I felt like I had experienced something completely new for the first time in a long time . Incredibly detailed and original . It 's a book that will stick with you and leave a mark . The only book I can remotely compare it to - at least in the sense of it 's differentness is The Canticle of Leibowitz . But it 's nothing at all like that book . There 's really not anything like it to where I could say , " If you liked " such and such , " you 'll like this . If I had to categorize it , I 'd call it a post - apocalyptic , sci - fi , romance . If you like any of those three genres , you just may love this book . But try not to think in terms of reducing something down to a genre . Some books defy genre , and this is one of those . There 's not really much to say about me . I 'm alive . A lot of people aren 't . And some who are , shouldn 't be . The world I 'm living in may be the same as the one I 've always lived in , or that might all be gone . We don 't know yet . We 're kind of stuck up here in the mountains above Denver - which is definitely gone now . I guess I don 't really hate people as much as I say I do . That 's the only secret I feel comfortable revealing . I don 't like to think about the bigger one . I remember being tied down on my foster parent 's bed and being whipped . Mercilessly . In my mind , I just kept screaming silently , " I hate you ! " over and over . Here 's a parenting tip for anyone reading this . If you want to make your children hate you and wish you were dead - just beat the shit out of them and treat them like they mean nothing to you . Works every time . The way it affected me is that it gave me a bit of an anger issue with people . And I don 't have any tolerance now for bullshit or evil . Inside I feel like a loner . I 'd rather avoid people , which would enable me to avoid conflict , but I 'm kinda stuck with a small group right now . And sometimes I get forced into situations that compel me to do things that I guess you might call heroic . Like rescuing people and shit . You 'd probably notice me because I have a knack for saying completely inappropriate things , often at the worst times . But that 's just the way my sense of humor works . I 'm not trying to shock anyone . Just trying to keep myself entertained . And I 'm probably warped , if you wanna know the truth . Not really . I would say that Angela is someone I really care about , but I don 't know if she 'd say the same about me . In fact , it 's better if she doesn 't feel anything for me . I never really had much in the way of possessions , and what little I did have is back at the dorm . All we really brought with us for what was supposed to just be a vacation is our clothing and some electronics that are useless now . Like our cell phones and Angie 's Like I said , we were just going on vacation . But I guess you 'd say that our group formed when Angela saw Terry stuck on the ski lift . We went over to rescue his dumb ass , and we 've stuck together since then . I hope it leads to home . Not for me . I don 't have a home aside from the dorm , but for Angie . Her family is important to her . I know she misses a lot of people , and her friends , and everything . I hope we make it back . The first part of what we 've experienced , you know , like when the nuke went off in Denver and what we did afterwards when there was no electricity , and no cops , or anything , all of that is in the book , In The End . The stuff that happened after that is being written right now . It 's called In The End 2 : An American Apocalypse To the question , " Should I use CreateSpace or Lulu ? " I would recommend CreateSpace , which is an Amazon company . I 'd also like to provide some clarity in response to other people 's comments . Michael responded that you should use Amazon Kindle so you won 't have to spend money for self - publishing . Just to be abundantly clear , a Kindle is a device . For your ebook to be available to owners of Kindles , you publish in Amazon 's " Kindle Direct Publishing . " This is KDP . You can publish your ebook with Amazon 's KDP , and your paperback with Amazon 's CreateSpace . It 's not an either / or situation . It 's best to do both . Neither one costs you anything , although there are services available for sale , if for example , you don 't have a cover , or you 'd like to hire one of their editors , and so on . ( If you purchase any of their publishing services , there is no contract . ) If you start with CreateSpace to publish your paperback , at the end of the process you 'll have the option to automatically have your files transferred over to KDP . This enables you to use your completed paperback as the source material for your ebook . If you don 't have your book in an ebook format and don 't know how to convert it , this is a great way to get your book on Amazon . com . You can simulataneously have your ebook published on Amazon 's KDP as well as on B & N . Again , this is not an either / or proposition . You can also publish your ebook at the same time to Apple 's iBook store . You can publish to Kobo as well , and anywhere else you want or can think of . The only exception is if you enroll your book in the KDP Select program . When you agree to be exclusive to KDP , then you are agreeing to not publish to B & N , Apple , Kobo , and so on , for the enrollment period , which is 90 days . ( Enrollment automatically renews at the end of 90 days unless you uncheck a box , thus opting out of auto - reenrollment . ) Alyssa and Lora mentioned Smashwords . They are an aggregator . They take your manuscript and convert it into multiple formats , then distribute to the retailers that you choose . My advice is to do both - over a period of time . As a new author , the first thing you need is exposure and recognition . You need to build a fanbase . Nothing compares to Amazon 's ability to get your book into the hands of readers via the KDP Select five free days . With KDP Select you can choose a day or days on which your book is free to Kindle owners . The benefit of giving your book away is that potentially thousands of people who never heard of you will be reading your book . The greater the number of people who download your book , the greater the odds that you 'll also end up with some book reviews too . If you have more than one title , readers who love your free book may come back and buy another . If you have only one title , readers who love your book may tell their friends it 's a " must read " and they 'll go to get it and buy it , because the free period has ended . The alternative is to publish everywhere in the beginning and try to promote your book on every platform simultaneously . Theoretically , this should work . If you 're advertising that your book is available on Amazon and iBooks , you should be able to get buyers in both places and build a global following on both Kindles and iPads , for example . The reality though , is that without Amazon 's help in making your book visible to readers , it 's very difficult to get the ball rolling . You can however , have your book for sale at Amazon . com and have it free at iBooks . Free always gets attention . Changing your book from free to having a price on iBooks is not as instantaneous as it is at Amazon though , and once the price is back at iBooks , you may return to relative invisibility . This is why I recommend that you attempt to build your fan base by taking advantage of KDP Select first , then expand out to other retailers over time . Surely I was still dreaming . No one wakes up like this . I closed my eyes and squeezed them shut really hard , then I opened them again . She was still there . So was the blood , and the knife . What the fuck ? I scrambled up and looked around . Where the fuck was I ? How did I get here ? The house was empty and looked vacant . There was no furniture and nothing hanging from the walls . Just trash scattered around the carpet . Empty beer cans , snack food wrappers and cigarette butts that had been crushed into the carpet . The place smelled like bug spray and urine . I looked down at myself and saw that I was still dressed , but my hands were stained with blood . That made no sense at all . I would never kill anyone . And if I did , it would be in self - defense . The girl lying on the floor did not look anything remotely like a threat to anyone . She was naked and unarmed . She looked far more like a victim of a crime than a perpetrator of one . Even though I had no memories of how I got here , and I did not recognize this girl from anywhere , I was certain that I didn 't kill her . I tried to recall where I was last night but I couldn 't remember a thing . I had a better chance of remembering the weird dream I 'd been having before I woke , and it was all but evaporated now . I needed to look at the girl , even though the thought of doing so filled me with fear and revulsion , but first , I had to get the blood off my hands . I could imagine someone saying , " We caught him red - handed . " Great . My sense of humor was intact . Maybe I really was crazy . This was no time for joking around . I went into the kitchen and turned on the faucet . Some rust - colored drops of water sputtered into the sink as the faucet gave a final exhalation . No water . Despite my foggy and rattled brain , I still had enough mental processing left to think of checking the toilet tank . I found the bathroom , and lifted the lid off the tank . I briskly scrubbed my hands in the rusty water , urgently trying to get the blood off of them . I got most of it . It had caked around my cuticles and under my fingernails , but that would have to do for now . I went back to the living room for the task I dreaded . I needed to really look at this girl and see if I recognized her from sometime before last night , which I had no memory of . When I walked back into the living room , it seemed as if her arm was in a different position than it was when I left . Could she possibly be alive ? I bent down and started to reach two fingers toward her carotid artery , but stopped myself , remembering that fingerprints could be left on skin . I know it looked like I was the one who killed her , but I was still certain that I hadn 't , despite having no memory of the night before . And if I wasn 't the killer , I wasn 't going to provide evidence to the contrary - beyond that which already existed . I placed my hand in front of her nose instead of feeling for a pulse . While I waited to feel even the tiniest breath , I looked at her chest for any sign that she was breathing . I had the strangest feeling as I looked at her . On one hand , she was very beautiful , but on the other , she was a bloody corpse . She presented a horrible mixture of beauty and violence . I don 't know how anyone could do that to another person . I know I couldn 't . I felt nothing on my hand , and I saw no movement of her chest . I was pretty sure she was dead . Either someone was in here with me and moved her arm , or I had just imagined that it was in a different position . To be sure , I decided I better check the rest of the house . The real killer could still be here . I started walking down the hall when I heard a car screech to a halt out outside . Shit ! That was probably the cops . What the fuck was I still doing here ? I should 've run away as soon as I woke up . What difference did it make if the house was empty or not ? I had no reason to be here at all . Well , I guess I could have looked for clues about what had happened last night , but I don 't even know what I 'd look for . I ran into the first bedroom on the right and went to the window . I unlocked it and pushed it up . I kicked out the screen and crawled through . Now , where to ? I didn 't even know where the fuck I was . So , first thing - get far away . Anywhere would do . I ran across the backyard and hoisted myself up and over the brick wall and into the next backyard . There was a sliding glass door in front of a covered patio but the blinds were closed , as were the ones in front of a small kitchen window . I ran around to the side of the house and reached a wooden fence with a metal latch . I stopped and waited , listening . No one was pursuing me . I lifted the latch , opened the gate and walked alongside the driveway all casual as if I was just heading out for a stroll . I had to think . How could I have ended up at that house ? At the sidewalk , I turned right , still completely unaware of what part of town I was even in . I hoped to get a clue when I reached a corner with a street sign . What was the last thing I could recall ? I remembered being at work yesterday . I left work , went home . Wait a second . Yesterday ? How did I know if I only lost one day ? Maybe today wasn 't even Saturday ? I instantly patted my right , back pocket , knowing it would be empty . It was . Where the fuck was my cell phone ? Oh shit . What if it was in the house with the girl ? The cops will surely think I was the killer - and a stupid one at that . My other pocket was empty too . No wallet . This was just getting better and better . No keys in my right , front pocket , and no cash or coins in the other front pocket . I realized my car could be parked right out in front of the vacant house ; another thing advertising that I 'm the primary suspect . Could my life be any more fucked ? I passed several street corners without learning where I was , but when I finally hit a boulevard intersection I got partially oriented . As far as I could tell , I was in North Hollywood somewhere . I went south on Lankershim until I came to the Metro . I could take it to within a few blocks of my apartment - if I had any money . I resigned myself to walking the seven miles to where I lived . I was hot , thirsty and hungry . My body was fatigued as if I 'd already walked miles , and my mind felt stunned , as if I 'd been whacked in the head with a two - by - four . I stepped backwards suddenly as a city bus whooshed by inches from my face . I tripped when I ran into the curb behind me and fell , landing on my ass . The old black man laughed as I added ass pain to my growing list of miseries . " Yo mama nevah learnt you to look befo ' crossin da street ? Dayum ! " he said , hooting with laughter . When he regained his composure , he extended an old wrinkled brown hand to help me up . I stood there numbly looking at the traffic , willing the pain in my tailbone to subside . Walking was going to be a lot more painful now . Seven fucking miles of pain until I could take some aspirin , lie down , and try to figure out what was going on . At the sight of the candy bar , my stomach kicked into gear and growled ferociously . I didn 't know when I 'd last eaten . I gladly took the candy from the stranger and tore into the wrapper with my teeth . It was warm and the chocolate clung to the inside of the wrapper . After eating the twin bars , I licked the chocolate off the paper , then walked over to the wire - basket trashcan next to the streetlight post . The light turned green and I thanked him for the fourth time in two minutes before complying with the sign that now said WALK . When I reached the other side , my mind went back on autopilot as far as navigating the obstacles on the sidewalk . I weaved in and out around pedestrians , newspaper vending boxes , and the occasional street beggar partially blocking the way with their outstretched legs , sitting on the sidewalk holding their cardboard signs with God Bless written on them . I put the sugar from the candy bar to work , forcing myself to think back to the last thing I recalled . I had left work and gone home . I checked my email , watched the news on TV for a while , and then when I got hungry , I decided to eat out somewhere . I drove to a nearby bar that makes great burgers . But I didn 't eat . Someone bought me a beer and I think we talked for a while . I remember that I didn 't want a beer , but I was being polite and trying to get out of the conversation with the overly friendly guy who seemed really intent on talking to me and buying me drinks . Not in a gay way - just an obliging , clueless way , like someone who wants a friend and doesn 't realize they 're imposing . That 's the last thing I remember . How is that possible ? I crossed another intersection and strained to recall more of what happened in the bar . The fact that there was nothing at all in my mind to be discovered made me wonder if the guy had spiked my drink . It made perfect sense . He was determined to talk to me despite my short answers and the fact that I kept returning my gaze to the menu rather than engage him in conversation . I could imagine him putting something in my beer , then when I got groggy , he could 've walked me out as if he was helping a friend who was too drunk to drive . Then he could 've driven me to the house in North Hollywood . Then what ? He went out , found a girl , brought her back , stripped her and killed her , then laid her out on the floor next to me ? What the fuck sense did that make ? Whoever the guy was , I had never seen him before . I 'd never seen the girl before either . Maybe the guy just needed someone to be a patsy and I was dumb enough to sit there accepting his drinks instead of doing what I wanted to do , which was just eat , and see if any attractive females showed up while I was eating . A horn honked , which is not unusual , so I ignored it . Then it honked again , right beside me from a car that was moving at the same rate of speed that I was walking . I looked over and saw the driving leaning over so he could see me through the passenger window . He pulled forward as soon as I had gotten in , before I 'd even shut the door . The car behind us was honking its horn and the light in front of us was green . I blurted out everything on my mind without thinking of what I was going to say . " Who are you ? What did you do to me ? Why did you kill that girl ? Are you fucking insane ? What the hell is going on ? " " I woke up next to a dead girl ! And the last thing I remember was drinking beer with you , so this is all your doing . What the fuck is wrong with you ? Why are you doing this ? " " Okay , Tom . Listen up . To have a conversation , you 're gonna have to slow down . First things first . What 's the first thing you 'd like to know before you go to prison for murder ? " " Sure you didn 't . But you can save it for the judge . I already know what you 're guilty of . And I know you 're going to be punished . Justice is being served , as we speak . " My head was spinning again . Nothing made sense . He agreed that I didn 't kill her , but he was certain that I 'd go to prison for her murder . " How do I know of you ? " I managed to ask a sane question when I felt like I was losing my mind completely . As far as I knew , that Twix bar was the first thing I 'd eaten in twenty - four hours and my blood - sugar was as fucked up as my life was now . " Oh no . I have the right guy . I made sure of it . This is the culmination of years of planning , so you can be sure I didn 't go to all of that effort to setup the wrong guy . " " But you did , Tom . You ruined my life . You took away everything I cherished . And now , in keeping with the law of ' an eye for an eye ' I 'm ruining your life , and taking everything you love away from you . " " Lisa posted to Yahoo Answers about her relationship in 2009 . She complained about her boyfriend , saying she suspected he was insane , and possibly violent . She said she wanted to leave him , but literally scared for her life to do so . She said she was in a bind and didn 't know what to do . She asked for help . Are you starting to remember any of this ? " " You said , and this is verbatim , ' You are definitely with a classic psychopath . The sooner you leave the better . He will not change , you cannot appease him , and sooner or later , you won 't even think of asking for help . Your life will be over . Get out now , while you can . Tell everyone you know when you leave him , why you 're leaving him . The more you get the word out , the less he 'll be able to do anything to you . Be safe , and good luck ! ' Does that refresh your memory ? " " Yes , you did answer a lot , and your answers were frequently chosen as the best . You had a very high ranking . But I 'm surprised you don 't remember advising Lisa , since it was such a serious departure from the standard idiotic questions that most people could 've answered themselves by just using Google , or were we still using AltaVista then ? " " It may have been a serious issue for her - it was her life - but to me , it would 've just been words on the screen for a few minutes . That 's not something I would 've committed to memory . It was too insignificant . " " How do you know it was because of me ? I 'm sure plenty of other people told her to do the same thing . It 's common sense . You think you 're living with a psycho , get the fuck out . How can you pin this solely on me ? " " You 're right . Seventeen other people also advised her to leave me . But she chose your response as the Best Answer , and she quoted you when she broke up with me . She said she 'd been told that I was a classic psychopath , that I wouldn 't change , I couldn 't be appeased , etc . Later , I logged in to her account and saw the email from Yahoo with a link to her question . I read your advice , and I vowed that I 'd get revenge . It 's been a long time coming , but now it 's here . Today is the day of retribution . " " I was right . You are a psychopath . You 'll never get away with this . Especially now that you 've just confessed to me that you killed her and framed me for it . The police will know that I don 't have any connection to her . But you certainly do . You have motive . I don 't . How do you think you 're going to convince the cops that I had any reason to kill someone that I don 't even know ? Someone that I posted to on Yahoo years ago . The police aren 't that stupid , you know . " I woke up in the backseat of his car , my hands and feet bound with zip - ties . The last thing I remembered was him reaching into his pocket to put his wallet away and then his hand came back out with a black thing with silver tips on the end . His hand flew toward my neck before I realized what was happening . I struggled into a sitting position and looked out the window . We were back at the house with the dead girl . The guy got out of his car and walked over to some cops standing next to a cop car . Crime scene tape was strung around the yard and driveway . " No . Actually , I was driving nearby when I spotted what looked like an attempted burglary . Guy was going from window to window at a house , so I came up behind him and asked what he thought he was doing . " " I got better . Listen to this . First thing the guy says to me is he got high on Ketamine last night , killed a blonde girl , and now he 's just really thirsty . Says he 's just looking for some water . He 's not looking to steal anything . " " Oh . Well if that 's all , you shoulda let him go . " Again , they all laughed as they broached the subject of murder as they stood on the lawn , with a fresh corpse inside the house . " I 'm thinking I 'll take him in as a 5150 , just in case he 's violent , bein ' that he 's talkin ' that way . And then I notice he 's got what could be blood around his fingernails . I made the connection with the homicide here just a few blocks away and thought you guys might wanna take him and verify if that 's blood , and see if his prints match the ones on the knife used on the vic . " " Uh … I guess it was radio chatter . I don 't recall . But anyway , I got this guy in the backseat . If it turns out I just delivered a gift - wrapped perp , tell the FOS he owes me a case of Heineken . " " One more thing . When I asked the guy to repeat what he 'd said about killing someone , that 's when he lost his marbles and started saying he didn 't kill anyone . He said I was the killer . Then he started ranting about how I was framing him , and some shit about Yahoo and the internet , and I just lost track . Definitely a 5150 , whether or not he did the girl . When he went totally nutso , I had to Taze him . " They came over to the car and let me out , but only to transfer me to the back of a squad car . I was burning with the desire to tell them what was really going on and how the detective was the real killer , but he 'd already primed them to think I was crazy if I started talking about that , so I just kept it inside . I knew from watching cop shows that it doesn 't accomplish anything to protest your innocence to arresting officers anyway . They don 't care . And why should they ? It 's not their job to determine guilt or innocence . That 's left up to the judge and jury . So anything you say to the cops is a waste of time and breath . As it turns out , everything I said to anybody about this case was wasted effort . My court - appointed attorney couldn 't find any reference to any of the things I told him about . He said he couldn 't find Lisa 's question , or my answer . I 'm not sure if he even bothered looking . He also said there was no record of a moanalisa86 anywhere online . And he couldn 't find anything in The Wayback Machine . My prints were on the knife . Lisa 's blood was on and under my fingernails . My saliva was found on her left breast . And hair matching mine was on the carpet near her body . It was not only an open and shut case , but the prosecutor made me sound like the most vile of killers , suggesting that I had sucked on one of her breasts while stabbing the other . If I had been in the jury , I would 've voted to hang me too . Now I 'm doing fifteen to life for a crime I didn 't commit . My only crime was offering advice to a stranger on the internet . I posted a single paragraph to help a total stranger . And now , life as I once knew it is over . The sirens had long since faded out and were never heard again . The only sound on the street came from the rustling of windblown debris , like the page from a newspaper that skittered to a stop against the CEO 's legs . He bent down and picked it up , reading the headline at the top of the page . It was about the plummeting stock market . Old news . He turned a little to the side and spread his fingers , letting the paper fly away . He turned further , looking behind him at the skyline in the distance . New York was his town . It was his playing field . He practically owned it . Dollars ruled , and he had billions . His money was securely stored in banks in multiple countries , but it couldn 't help him now . Looking at the skyscraper he owned , his mind drifted to thoughts of his empire and the power he wielded . With just a few words , he could change lives - for better , or worse . And he did , depending on how he felt at any given moment . There were times when he fired a person just for the rush he got from knowing that he turned someone 's little world upside down - because he could . It served as a reminder of the power he had . Less frequently , when he was in a good mood , he would surprise someone by giving them a bonus . He had never lost his taste for the finer things in life , and he enjoyed indulging in luxuries , but he had to admit , it got boring after a while . Being the boss and making decisions wasn 't really work . It was more of a game , with the employees as pawns . Other business owners he dealt with were players on his side , and some were competitors . Most of them were weaker , smaller players , and winning all the time was another thing that got boring . There was something to be said for having a challenge ; having to expend some effort to achieve something worthwhile . He 'd had everything handed to him his entire life and never had to literally work for anything . Up ahead , he saw two men standing next to a metal barrel with flames flickering around the top of it . They were roasting something that smelled like some kind of meat he didn 't recognize . The men were filthy and wore shabby clothes that looked like they 'd been withdrawn from a landfill . As he got closer , he saw that they were holding sticks over the fire inside the barrel . Definitely cooking something , using the trashcan like a barbecue . It was hard to believe the depths to which people could sink . Filthy and stinking and eating roasted garbage . The sight of it made him sick with disgust , and yet , the closer he got , the more his mouth watered at the smell of flame - broiled meat . What was it they were cooking ? They watched him approach and appraised his clothing . He wore a custom - tailored Armani suit , Italian loafers , and a Rolex worth more than their annual salaries combined . They smiled as he stepped up and cleared his throat . The CEO reached into the pockets of his grimy pants and pulled out his keyring with the Jaguar fob . He looked at his keys with sadness , then dropped them on the ground . They were useless . His homes and his cars were gone . He opened his tattered suit coat and reached into the breast pocket . He withdrew his lambskin wallet and thumbed through its contents . Black and platinum credit cards and several crisp hundred dollar bills . Worthless . He shook out the cards and money . The cards scattered around his feet . The wind snatched the bills and carried them down the street . He offered them the empty wallet . They shook their heads . " Okay . One squirrel for the watch . And half a bottle of water . " He handed over the stick with the charred meat skewered on the end of it and reached down for something by his feet . He came up with a plastic bottle half - filled with cloudy water and handed it over . Even though he ate slowly , his meal only lasted a moment . He wiped his mouth on his sleeve , then drank the last of the water . He was about to toss the empty bottle into the burning trash barrel , but one of the men held up his hand , signaling him to stop . He realized that the bottle was a resource , so he screwed the cap onto it and stuffed it into his coat pocket , smiling . He was learning . It was turning out to be a great day . He 'd eaten , and acquired a bottle , and he had made two friends who could teach him things . He couldn 't recall the last time he 'd been so happy . Acting on a credible , anonymous tip , the officers kicked in the door of the small cottage . A standard poodle barked and rushed them . Officer Karnes aimed and fired . The first shot missed and he fired again as the dog squatted to leap at him . The second shot sent the dog sailing backwards . It hit the ground and toppled over , coming to rest on its side , whining and panting as its blood pooled in the white carpet . Both officers rushed into the hall . One of them slammed the lady against the wall , kicked her legs apart and frisked her , while the other checked the room she had come out of . It was a bathroom , and it was empty . He then moved down the short hall to another door . He put his ear against it and listened . " This is the police . Come out with your hands up , or I 'm coming in , shooting . " He took a few steps away from the door , placing his back against the hallway wall and aiming his gun at the door . " Shut it , scumbag . Don 't make me stomp on your face . " He pulled his gun out of its holster and pointed it at the door that Wilson was still aiming at . Karnes nodded and Wilson raised a foot and slammed it against the door next to the doorknob . The thin , hollow door crashed open and both officers rushed in . A black cat lying on the bedcover hissed at them . Wilson shot it and rushed over to the master bath door . He stopped and slowly peeked his head around the doorjamb . It was empty . " I 'm gonna check the kitchen . Drag the bitch into the living room and find out where she 's hiding it . " Karnes left the room and stepped around the woman who was breathing rapidly and stifling sobs , arching her back to keep from pressing down on her cuffed hands . Her legs were sticking out into the hall and rather than step over them , Karnes kicked them out of his way . Wilson came out and grabbed the lady by her feet and dragged her down the hall into the living room . He let go of her when her face was adjacent to her dead dog . " Oh , my dear Pooksie ! What have they done to you ? " The woman broke out in fresh sobs as she stared at the dead brown eyes of her beloved pet staring back at her . He walked over to a shelf beside the couch and swept an array of collectible glass figurines to the floor . The small animals fell to the carpet with a series of thumps . It was less dramatic than he had hoped for so he pulled the shelf forward , causing everything to slide to the carpet and causing the shelf to crash into the coffee table , shattering the glass top . That was better . " You 're lucky . I was just starting to get pissed off . The D . A . will be informed of your failure to cooperate . You 're going down , bitch . " Later , under questioning , the elderly perp talked . The cops offered her a good word with the D . A . and a reduced sentence for cooperation if she 'd reveal her source . At 64 , she didn 't want to spend her remaining time in prison and agreed to tell them where she 'd got the dregs . What she revealed was better than they had expected . They usually had to work their way up a distribution chain until they reached a big dealer . But Phyllis was well - connected , getting her fix from a major dealer with whom she 'd played Bridge for years . The next morning found Karnes and Wilson participating in a multi - agency raid . It would 've just been a D . E . A . team , but since the two Vice detectives provided the intel , the feds reluctantly permitted them to accompany the raid team . But they wouldn 't be first - in . The feds reserved the right to any action coming through the door . The sun crept up over the horizon as men in black took up positions all around a beige two - story house . The loudest sound around came from birds in nearby trees . The suspect 's house sat at the end of a cul - de - sac . The other end of the street was blocked off with police sawhorses with crime scene tape strung between them . Two officers stood with their backs to the suspect 's house , watching for any neighbors who might emerge to see what was going on . " Roger , Two . " He glanced around at the agents he could see , then spoke into his mic again . " We 're a Go . On three . One … Two … Three " The battering ram smashed through the front door . Glass shattered as other agents fired tear gas grenades through the front windows . One sniper peered through his scope at the upper level windows . The other perused the perimeter for anyone trying to escape . The battering ram agents withdrew , trotting backwards , and other agents with gas masks rushed in , yelling , " D . E . A . Nobody move ! " and " Freeze , motherfuckers ! " Agents spread throughout the house . Within a minute , they declared the downstairs clear . The lead agent , Gelkins , pointed at two agents and motioned for them to follow him up the stairs . Adrenaline raced through the three men as the door creaked again and slowly began to open . An elderly man in a dark blue robe carefully edged the door back with one foot , holding his hands high above his head . His hair was sticking out in every direction and his eyes were wide with fear behind lenses that make them look much larger than they were . The man bent down to his knees , then lowered his hands to the carpet to lower himself in a reverse push - up . Gelkins gestured with his gun . The two agents on the stairs rushed up and secured the prisoner . One pressed the man 's head into the carpet while the other patted down his backside and then cuffed him . " Very smart ! I guess you still have some brain cells left . " Turning to the nearest D . E . A . agents , Karnes ordered , as if he were in charge of the scene , " Get this piece of shit out of here . " Walter Brown was booked on charges of cultivation , trafficking , and possession of over fifty pounds of coffee . Phyllis Kant was charged with possession with intent to distribute . Her attorney argued that half a pound was nowhere near sufficient to distribute . The average coffee drinker could easily drink that much in less than a month . In addition , she had cooperated and was promised leniency . They wouldn 't have gotten Brown if it wasn 't for her . The D . A . agreed to simple possession and a term a reduced sentence of six months in light of her assistance which led to the apprehension of a major trafficker . Brown 's trial commenced a few days later . He and his attorney sat in his cell facing the wall screen . Two metal folding chairs were brought in for the proceedings . The wall lit up and the face of the bailiff appeared . " Thank you , Your Honor . " Sheldon looked down at the papers in his lap , then back up at the camera . " My client is from an era when coffee was in common usage and sold in every establishment . He grew up in a household where coffee was served every morning with breakfast . It was - " " Mr . Knight . The court is aware of what life was like before the Anti - Stimulant Act of 2039 . Your client admits his guilt . If there are no extenuating circumstances beyond the accused 's childhood when the laws were different , then we can proceed with sentencing . " " I understand , Your Honor , and I apologize . I just want to speak to my client 's motivations in breaking the law . To his way of seeing it , he wasn 't doing any harm , and there were no victims who suffered as a result of his actions . " Janet Callaway interrupted . " Society is the victim here , Counselor . Mr . Brown cannot take it upon himself to decide which laws benefit the people . The people themselves have already decided that . " " You 're correct , Ms . Callaway . I just want to point out that my client is 67 years old and has a clean record . His only crime , in all his life was to ingest a stimulant that he had ingested his entire life with no harm to any other being besides himself . I ask that the court consider my client 's intention - that being , to do that which he had always done without running afoul of the law . Granted , he failed to change his daily routine when the laws changed , and he continued - " " Mr . Knight , your client did not only continue to drink coffee in blatant disregard for this nation 's laws , presumably for the last three years , but he also took it upon himself to enable others to do the same . He engendered a spirit of anarchy and rebellion , thumbing his nose at authority , and the People . The State is showing plenty of leniency already in only seeking a life sentence . " " We appreciate that , Ms . Callaway , and don 't deny his guilt and his debt to society for what he 's done , and which , he 's prepared to pay . I thought it might help to show that my client was a law - abiding citizen his entire life . He , himself never changed in his nature or intentions , and unfortunately , neither did his habits and routines change . One day he was a pillar of the community , and then the next , he was an outlaw - but only because the laws changed and made coffee an illegal substance . My client is the same law - abiding citizen he was four years ago , but for the criminalization of coffee , coffee grounds , and caffeine . " " The State rests and asks the Court to not be swayed by the defendant 's explanation . We still seek life imprisonment . " The picture within a picture at the corner of the screen winked out and the judge 's face filled the entire wall display , then zoomed out to show the United States flag hanging behind him . " All through this nation 's history substances have gone from legal to illegal , and vice versa . There was a time when families enjoyed beverages that included such vile substances as cocaine . And they did so in family restaurants and other places where respectable people gathered for meals - not in dark alleys and seedy motels , as they do today . People ingested morphine to ease their pain . Marijuana was grown and used in many ways in competition with the cotton industry , as well as ingested to alter one 's consciousness . The fact is , Mr . Brown , society decides what is okay to consume , and what is not . The people make the laws by way of their representatives and their votes . When the people have spoken , the people must also obey . To state that there are no victims to the crimes you 've committed is to say that the voice of the nation as a whole is irrelevant to you . That you can decide what is right and wrong , despite what hundreds of millions of your countrymen have decreed to be wrong . " Our society has determined that no substance shall be ingested that accelerates the natural functioning of the central nervous system . Stimulants are illegal in this country in all of their manifestations - regardless of how you were raised . The laws have been passed . And you 've admitted your guilt in violating them . The Court hereby sentences you to remain in custody for the remainder of your natural life . " " I 'm sorry , Walter . I did my best . " He looked at his client , chagrined . " If there 's anything I can do for you … " " I appreciate it , Sheldon . I just don 't know how I 'm going to make it in here . I 've never been in jail before . I 'm so stressed , I feel like I 'm going to have a heart - attack . " |
Ada hated the commute ; anything more than an hour seemed eternal . The days she didn 't have to drive to campus she studied on the third floor . Machines in general alienated her , even such simple things as washers and driers , but automobiles were the worst , even though she 'd had her license for several years now . She disliked the feeling of being in charge of a large and lethal machine , and operating it through the pedals and the steering wheel . It was like operating a body by remote control : what she did wasn 't quite in sync with the actions the machine took , and the sensations were fuzzy and secondhand . Since she 'd almost finished her dissertation she only needed to visit campus once a week . Studying at home was more enjoyable , and she didn 't waste time in the car . She had always risen before the sun , and still did , but now she changed in her dressing room from her pajamas into a tee shirt and jeans , quietly , so as not to wake her husband , who liked his sleep . When she 'd changed her clothes she went into the bathroom and brushed her hair . She wore it long now , for the first time in her life , to please him , and though it had taken years to grow down her back , she was still unaccustomed to the length , especially the maintenance : washing it took longer , and it had to be brushed , and a hairdresser had to trim it regularly . She had always cut it herself , before she married . When she 'd brushed the hair and bound it back with a clip , she removed a pill from her 28 - day pack , and flushed it down the toilet . That done , she went up the narrow uncarpeted stairs . She liked the cold wood under her bare feet , the dozen stairs up , then halfway down the hall and through the door and across the room to her desk : her morning ritual . They had been in the house two years , since Owen had made what he called his first " serious money " and decided he wanted something more impressive than the Brookside bungalow they 'd been living in . Ada had thought the house ostentatious and beyond their means , but she had agreed , on condition that half the third floor be hers . On the east side of the third - floor hall were two small rooms and a half bath , and on the west the big room that ran the length of the house , the room that belonged to her . It had three dormer windows , the middle one wide enough for a small desk . She 'd been smitten the first time she walked into that space , and though she felt guilty for agreeing to the purchase of the house , she knew she couldn 't have stopped Owen in the end . He had been determined to buy something larger , and they 'd both liked this house , so she really shouldn 't feel that this was too extravagant . And yet she always felt a twinge , because this room was the size of some of the houses in the village where she 'd grown up . There were the three dormers along the outside , facing west , and the higher , smaller windows at the north and south ends of the room . Knee walls leaned in at shoulder height . She loved the angles and windows , and the interior shape . It was the retreat she had yearned for since leaving Monteverde and her tree house . Because she disliked hiring help she had fixed up the room herself , sanding and sealing the floor , and painting the walls white , to keep the colors simple and few . With five uncurtained windows the room was saturated with light on all but the grayest days , and with space : it held only her desk and chair and a bookshelf , an armchair and reading lamp , a phone on the wall and a small , worn kilim under the desk , to keep her bare feet off the cold floor . On a morning when she 'd risen late and tired from a sleep full of dreams about the past she sat in the chair , at the desk in the middle dormer , in front of her books and papers and typewriter , looking at the back yard . Usually , she had no trouble getting started . Usually , she simply plunged in . Sometimes she worked well into the afternoon , until hunger pangs woke her from her trance . Occasionally she didn 't notice any of it - - time , hunger , errands she 'd intended to run , the phone - - and when Owen came home in the evening he would find her , and know that she hadn 't moved from the chair except to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water ( not even noticing as she did ) . Then , his loving tirade breaking around her ears , he would deliver what she 'd named The Lecture . She knew it by heart , she knew that every word was true , but still she forgot to eat , and bring in the mail , and stretch her legs occasionally . She looked at the red honeysuckle draped over the stone wall at the back of their property . It was getting out of hand and ought to be cut back . She hadn 't weeded her flowers and vegetables in more than a week , either , and she should have been spending more time at Human Rescue and the City Union Mission . She 'd become too wrapped up in school and house and husband . On the desk sat her old , tattered teddy bear , the same one she 'd brought from Monteverde at sixteen . Except photographs and letters , it was her only memento of home . She hugged the bear . Home . She missed Monteverde now , though she 'd been eager to leave it and begin another life . How different , how unexpectedly different , that life had turned out to be , a life adorned with roses . The first time Owen had taken her to meet his mother , Nina had spent an hour showing Ada the roses in her garden . A hundred cultivars , a garden that had been featured in national magazines . Then , a few years later , the wedding in the rose garden in Loose Park , a favorite local spot for weddings , with the fountain , and the stone pillars and roses everywhere , everything laid out prettily , but with more than a hint of anarchy in the abundant vines . " But it 's for us . I don 't want to spend time thinking about the arrangements . It shouldn 't be so much - - work . I want to feel what 's happening . " " Yes . I don 't want to be distracted with all these arrangements , and all these people . I want to feel the importance of what we 're doing . " Before the wedding , since she hadn 't seen her family for a decade or so , Owen had paid to fly her father and brother up from Costa Rica . When he 'd discovered that they didn 't own suits he 'd tried to rent formal wear for them . He couldn 't understand that they were simply unable to wear such clothes . He had been embarrassed by their plainness and their awkwardness - - their strangeness - - but he had almost managed to hide this , even from Ada . But her father and brother looked out of place at the wedding rehearsal , and her father , always one to avoid disagreement when he could , had simply stayed in place when instructed to " give the bride away " . He understood what was meant , but thought the action improper . Ada had never heard the expression . When it was explained to her she was outraged . Why was her father supposed to " give her away " ? She belonged to herself ; she wasn 't chattel to be transferred from one man to another . The wedding ceremony was changed , and the giving - away part was dropped . Following the rehearsal Nina had somehow managed to maneuver Ada into a corner by herself , and asked : " Do you know what you 're getting into ? " " Are you ready ? Everything is different when you 're married , and you . . . Are you sure he 's . . . you 're right for each other ? " She flipped a hand in a circle , as if she wasn 't sure how to say what she meant . " I 've never fit in , " Ada said . " But I want what my parents had . I want a family . I want that faithfulness , that devotion . A lifetime together . He 's wanted me so long . . . " How to say it ? That he 'd already proved his devotion ? He 'd given up the fighting , the outbursts , the drinking . He 'd behaved himself perfectly for more than a year . He had changed for her . But these were matters not to be discussed with Nina ; if she didn 't know about them , they would hurt her , or at least alter her opinion of her son . Ada didn 't want to disillusion her . At the wedding itself there were surprises Owen hadn 't mentioned : the string quartet that serenaded the guests ; the number of guests , more than a hundred ( when Ada reproached him with the number later , he 'd protested that it was only a fraction of the number he 'd wanted to invite , and that many of his friends had been offended at being left out , and he 'd only invited the absolutely necessary ones ) ; the pictures she kept being posed for ( but that part had turned out all right , because she 'd met Sarah ) . Later , her chief impression of the day was of her own discomfort . The dress , though not a bridal gown , was more formal than she was accustomed to . She had trouble walking - - though the heels on her shoes were short , she 'd never worn anything but flats before ; after the ceremony , she 'd gone barefoot , which had embarrassed Owen , but she refused to totter any longer . She 'd fallen on the stone stairs down into the rose garden , and only been saved by Owen reaching out and stopping her fall . She 'd looked up at him , and been startled to see a frown . The rehearsal hadn 't prepared her , and the ceremony still seemed like something from a foreign culture and she had no idea what part she was to play . Instead of Ada and Owen facing each other , with everyone silent , they faced the minister , who talked . Why was a minister necessary ? Wasn 't the marriage between the two people ? She pondered this while the man spoke the ritual words . An intermediary was a superfluous distraction . And all these other people around them - - best man . What was a " best man " ? The ceremony went on much too long . It was an artifice . Her feeling was relief when she could finally say " I do , " and the rings were on their fingers , and the kiss given and taken . Then she felt embarrassment , and knew she was blushing , because she had been preoccupied with herself . Instead of feeling the weight of promising to spend her life with this man , she had felt only an inappropriate emotion : the lessening of her discomfort that the worst of the ritual was at an end . But despite her blush , everyone had applauded , and one or two had even cheered , and Owen had beamed at her . The thought had occurred to her that he liked her blush , that he was interpreting it as evidence that confirmed an interpretation he had of her , and the heat in her face intensified . She hooked a finger behind one lapel of his suit and tugged him down , closer to her face . " Together , " she whispered . " Isn 't that a wonderful word ? " Later , a picture of the moment surfaced among the photographs of the occasion . Sarah had caught them at the perfect moment . Ada had always been bothered by her own face in photographs : its expression was usually inappropriate to the occasion . And in most of the photographs of the wedding her face looked fearful . But in this photograph , her happiness had been exactly right , and Owen 's had matched . Immediately , she seized on it as her favorite memento of the wedding . That , and the photograph of herself squeezing her husband in her arms , taken moments later . That Sarah had managed to capture these seemed to be a good omen . Would that the moment had been the end , and they had been alone then . But their affectionate exchange had been interrupted by a blond matron she didn 't know , offering congratulations . Then there had been a procession of strangers ; Owen and his mother seemed to have a vast circle of friends . The succession of faces bewildered Ada , and she had no idea how to react to them , how to act , except to nod , and murmur , and thank them after they 'd spoken . Many of the women embraced her , though she was unknown to them . She couldn 't understand why . She felt as she had at sixteen , on starting college : where had all these strangers come from ? Which ones did she need to remember , and how would her brain keep track of the names ? What were their customs ? She found herself standing by the punch bowl , frozen , for half an hour next to Owen while he chatted with one of them after another . These people looked like statues : flawless clothes , hair , teeth , shoes . Was there a factory somewhere , stamping them out ? They seemed never to have doubted themselves . She hoped she never saw them again , because , looking at them , she knew she would never measure up to their expectations . That night , in bed with Owen , surrounded by roses in vases and with the scent filling the air , he had been disappointed . Today , staring out her window at the back yard , the answer came to her : he had expected her to be a virgin . The poor man had thought her innocent . She pitied that , but there was nothing she could do about it , nor would she have , even had she been able to : her virginity wasn 't a thing she 'd owed him . But she did owe him for all the other things since - - the comfort in which he kept her , his insistence that she go back to school , his willingness to pay for her further education . She often didn 't understand him , but for one who loved money and the million meanings it carried , he was always generous . He had paid the airfare to bring her father and brother up from Costa Rica ; they couldn 't afford it . When they had arrived , they had been far more out of place than Ada herself . She had had years to adapt , as much as she could , to this strange world . But she had been kept busy , or away from her father and brother , in the ceremony , and unable to help them . Nina had seen their discomfort . She had understood , without having to be told , that they never saw people in suits , never attended weddings in rose gardens ; that they came from a little village of little houses of farmers who wore work boots and jeans , only varying their garb for changes in the weather . Nina kept by the two men and guided them . They had never seen a limousine before , much less ridden in one . Their customs and habits , both in their daily life and their religious practice , were plain in the extreme . When the ceremony ended , her father 's relief was palpable . His blue cotton had been the focus of the scene among the women 's vivid silks and the men 's subfusc wools . Even later , in the wedding pictures , the eye went to Thomas and Henry first , they were such a chromatically discordant note . Ada hadn 't cared ; she 'd felt only love , and compassion for their discomfort . Now she longed to see father , and home , and Henry . Owen would give her the money to fly down , if she asked . He never grudged giving , he usually asked why she didn 't simply write a check , but she didn 't like to depend on him , to feel that she owed him . The money was his because he brought it in . For her , to be subsidized was to be the junior partner . She 'd hated it when he 'd paid off her student loans . The times she 'd tried to explain , he hadn 't understood ; he thought money a tool . She knew she should quit school and go back to work so she could have some money of her own ; though the jobs she 'd had , or looked at , had all been boring , surely something better was hiding somewhere , waiting to be discovered if only she looked hard enough . It was time to grow up . Only an obsessive would earn a second Ph . D . when she could be doing something useful , or at least earning a little money . A lot of people didn 't like what they did for a living , but they still rose every morning and put in their eight hours . They didn 't sponge off an indulgent husband , even if they had tried the job market and found it wanting . Even if there seemed to be no place in that market for them . Even if they should have pursued an academic career . But that would have required moving , and her husband would never have done that . How had she ended up in this grand house married to this man she didn 't understand ? Every time he spoke to her , his words sounded translated . It must have been contagious , because Ada herself was becoming cautious with her speech . Owen was that way with everyone but his mother . Nina was so much more patient and perceptive than her son that they hardly seemed kin . Ada had more in common with her mother - in - law than her husband . Owen was always trying to improve her . He 'd married her for who she was , and immediately started encouraging her to change . She liked jeans and sneakers , but he was always after her to get better clothes and shoes . When he insisted , she would go , and shop , relying on her mother - in - law for advice . Without Nina she would be constantly in error . When she thanked her , the woman always said that it was her pleasure , that she had no one left but Ada and Owen , and Owen had always been " too self - sufficient " . She would say , " What am I supposed to do , spend all my time on my rose garden ? " She wants grandchildren , Ada thought . Why didn 't I see it ? She wants them here , where she can see them and hold them and play with them . Here , not in Chicago and Denver , where her visits are always limited . Two trumped one . It was time to talk to Owen again about children , and to talk more forcefully . She wouldn 't put up with his reneging any longer - - she was ready . She would insist . She couldn 't continue not telling him what she was really doing ; the deception was eating at her , every day . He seemed to want her to spend her life earning one doctorate after another . A second Ph . D . would be enough . Too much . Since she didn 't seem to be getting any work done she took the checkbook from the drawer and began balancing it . What was this one made out to Sarah ? And the register entry in Owen 's handwriting ? Startling . She should call Sarah . They hadn 't got together in weeks . She used the phone in the living room . Sarah 's answering service was taking the calls , and Ada left a message . After she hung up , she heard noises from the kitchen . Owen hadn 't gone . She stepped in and kissed her husband on the cheek . He was eating his invariable breakfast : coffee , an English muffin , bacon and scrambled eggs . He wiped his lips . She kissed him again , on the mouth . " She 's not a dyke . She 's very feminine . " But he knew that . Why did he attack Sarah at every opportunity ? " She 's bisexual . She has a boyfriend . " Who was bisexual , too , but no need to mention that . Ada could imagine the jokes . Endless . She opened the refrigerator door and looked inside . " Where 's the milk ? " she asked . " We had a full carton yesterday . " " You win . Get rid of one . " He sipped his coffee . " I have to go to Topeka tomorrow . You could drop me off and go on to Manhattan and pick me up on the way back . " She brought the milk to the table . He had set a plate and utensils and glass for her , as he always did , though she never ate in the morning . She filled her glass . " Lemieux wants some changes , and I have to do some research in the library . I 'll be all day . " " I don 't understand why you put yourself through this . It never ends . " There was the translator again . He had pushed hard for her to go back to school . Why was he pretending she 'd taken the initiative ? She would have to ignore the comment about her subject ; he wouldn 't understand that she 'd chosen it in the hope of helping her people back home . She watched him take a bite of the muffin . He always ate his food the same way : a bite of egg , a bite of bacon , a bite of muffin . Any remainder he was as likely as not to leave untouched , but that rarely happened ; he usually estimated accurately enough to finish them all together . Why didn 't he put the egg and the bacon between the muffin halves and make a sandwich ? That would be simple . That would work perfectly . Because it was a habit , she thought . He used his habits to save time . He was obsessed with saving time , and being as efficient as possible , but he was always juggling . If he 'd just sit down and work his way through each thing in succession he 'd get more done , but she knew he didn 't believe that , and she knew further that he would never be able to do one thing at a time , not only because of the kind of work he did , but because of his own psychic needs . He enjoyed the juggling ; it made him feel productive . She watched his eyes scan the paper , forward and back . The way reading eyes moved had always surprised her , skipping back , without even noticing , to pick up words and phrases they 'd missed . His eyes narrowed for a moment , his pupils contracted , and he glanced her way , then returned to his reading . The cadence of his eyes changed , becoming more regular . Ada almost asked him what was wrong , but held her tongue . When he turned the page , his eyes returned to the broken rhythms of true reading . " Really . " He closed the section , fit it between the front pages and the business section , folded the entire newspaper in quarters , and set it on the seat to his right , away from her . " Coffee cold , " he said , and dumped it into the sink . Sitting again , he poured a fresh cup . " For a visit . It 's been a long time . Your dad will be glad to see you . " He set the cup on the table and glanced at his watch . " Just be sure you don 't stay there . " He wasn 't looking at her . " This is my home , dear . " She grasped his hand in hers . " Why would I leave ? I belong here . " Best not to go , after all . How could she ever thank him for all he 'd given her ? By not going . He 'd be too worried about her never coming back , and she would worry , too , thinking about him . But there was more to this than generosity . He was trying to distract her , she wondered from what . A tic passed over his cheek for a moment . She wondered , squeezing his hand , how to assure him . Had he been looking through her record albums ? Had he noticed Wyatt 's solo album , and the Euphoria record , and all the albums on which Wyatt was credited on keyboards ? She would have got rid of them , could she have borne to . They were a time bomb . Someday Owen might notice the common thread in them all . How could she breach the subject ? She 'd quit taking her pills a year ago . Maybe she was infertile , but she couldn 't talk about it . He thought she was taking them . She could tell him straight out . She imagined the conversation : " No , " she insisted . " It was obvious . She was mad for you . It was obvious you 'd slept together . But yes someone told me about the baby " she did , sobbing so hard she could barely speak , all about how you loved me instead of her - - and her husband starting to speak , Ada rushing on with what she was saying , to cut him off : " It doesn 't matter who told me . It doesn 't matter and I don 't care and you shouldn 't , either . I know she had an abortion . " " Maybe . You probably pressured her . Or maybe you waited and heaved a sigh of relief when she said she was going to have one . Did you pay for it ? " " Why did you pay for the abortion ? " He didn 't reply . She lifted a hand , in a waving - goodbye gesture , and dropped it back to the table . " Never mind . That was before we were together . It was between you and her . I want to talk about us . We talked about this before the wedding , and you agreed , and you 've been putting it off ever since . I can 't conceive . I want children . I 'm going to have them . That means adopting . I 'm going to call an agency . Promise not to drag your feet in the interviews . " " Sorry . Daydreaming . What were we talking about ? Promises ! Promises . I want to talk about children . You promised me . " He started to speak , and she interrupted : " Now don 't . Don 't be evasive . " " I do . One reason I said I 'd be your wife was because I want a family . You agreed , to get me to marry you , and you 've been backing out ever since . " He pushed his plate toward the center of the table , and his chair away . " All right . I know when I 'm beaten . Let 's do it . " " Yes . No . I mean let 's do it . " He looked at his watch and stood . " I 'm supposed to meet someone in fifteen minutes . " He bent down and kissed her on the forehead . " I love you , " he said . " Do you know how beautiful you are ? What a jewel you are ? How lucky I am to have you ? " Beautiful ? What did he mean by that ? It was so vague . It could mean anything . But that didn 't matter . He was saying that he treasured her . And at long last he had agreed to have children ; they wouldn 't be a surprise . She stood to follow him , to give him a kiss , but as she passed the phone it rang , and she heard Owen 's car start at the same moment . The way he drove , he 'd be gone in a moment , so she answered the call . " It 's me , " Sarah said . " I was going to call you today , but you beat me to it . I have some new clothes in . Can you come for a shoot ? " Wild laughter . " I guessed right . No . I don 't have any designs on you . You 'd turn me down . It wouldn 't work , anyway . Not with you . " The studio was in an old red brick building in Westport several blocks off the Trafficway , above a restaurant . Sometimes , especially during lunch or in the evening , the kitchen noise was audible in the back ; Sarah used her front rooms for the waiting area and the studio . She made a living from commercial photography , portraits , and wedding pictures ; she had been the photographer at Ada 's wedding , had thought her striking , and had asked Ada to model for her . The modelling had continued , but mostly as a pretext : they liked to talk to each other . Sarah , finished with her last appointment , was rummaging through the clothes when she heard the knock and opened the door to Ada . Ada , the punctual girl , was late for the first time . More surprising , she seemed unaware of her tardiness . The usual cup of coffee sat cooling on the table next to the wooden chair . This should be a good session - - Ada had her preoccupied look on . But the new clothes were wrong ; they were too bright for Ada 's mood . Ada complied . She hadn 't spoken since she 'd arrived . Sarah began to talk at random about the weather , friends , a party , her boyfriend Dougal , with the trigger in her hand , shooting at the moments Ada reacted . She switched to the big camera , something she rarely did because the plates were expensive , but today was right for it , the shots she was getting were few , but good . " Yes . Why don 't you come over on Saturday ? We can weed it . That 's the best time in the world to talk , when you 're weeding . " Look of eagerness . " Okay . Weeding might be fun . We 've never done that . " Change plates . " Saturday 's good . I was planning a day off . I need a change of pace . " " Flatten your hand . " The bitten nails were visible , but not enough . " Turn it forward a bit . There . Hold it . " She waited until Ada looked annoyed . Click . It was a long session , and not altogether satisfactory . Ada began to tire , her face looked drawn , but that was interesting , it was something Sarah hadn 't seen . She hated to prolong the shoot , but she was hoping for something extreme . She didn 't get it . Instead , Ada grew listless and withdrawn , waiting for the end . Sarah finally declared it finished . " Well , yes . I did . Don 't tell me I wasn 't supposed to . He 's your husband , for God 's sake . " She had put the cameras away ; now she was folding the tripod . " I don 't care if you show them to strangers - - well , yes I do - - but it bothers me more if you show them to someone , to my husband . . . It 's embarrassing . Some of those pictures are silly . I don 't want him to see them . " " But that 's how you do look . Like Elizabeth Siddal . Except your face is thinner . Don 't glare . You 're frightening me . " " What 's next ? " Ada snapped . " Dress me up in a medieval gown and make me wear a conical hat with gauze hanging from the top ? Stare off into the distance , looking pensive ? I hate that ! I 'm not like that ! " This was the sort of sharp reaction she 'd wanted , and now the camera was put away . " I know you 're not , " Sarah said . " But you look that way . There 's nothing wrong with it . You look like . . . Yourself . Nobody else . You 're a great model . " " I 'm tired of it . " She pressed a palm to her cheek . " I never wanted to be different . I want to be . . . ordinary . " Ada rummaged through the mess of newsprint , the folds rounded and no longer lined up , the pages out of alignment with each other . She found the section she wanted , saying , " Owen saw something he didn 't want me to read , " as she flipped the sheets and scanned . " It 's just like him . He took the paper to work . . . He throws away the Sunday want ads so I can 't look at the job listings . " She turned a page , and stared . Sarah watched her friend , but Ada was immobile . " What 's wrong ? Did someone die ? " But Ada didn 't respond , and Sarah came to sit beside her on the couch , and took the newspaper from her hands . " Wyatt Packard ? " she asked . " He 's living in Lawrence ? The man is brilliant . Dougal loves his music . He covers some of his songs . " She was halfway through the article when Ada spoke : " Owen . That article . " She indicated the newspaper . " He took the paper with him this morning because he thinks I 'm still in love with Wyatt . " Ada went to the front window , her back to Sarah , parted the curtain , and watched the street . Traffic noise rose ; the light must have changed to green . Then the roar diminished ; the light must have changed back to red . " It was such a shock , " she said . " I didn 't expect it , after all this time . I 'd finally managed to forget . " She came to the sofa , sat , and leaned toward Sarah . " I love my husband , " she said . " He needs me , and I need that , and him , and I want to make a family , and we 're going to do that . . . " She looked into her friend 's eyes for a moment . " We 're joined , you see . I 'm not going to look Wyatt up . It would be too dangerous . Owen would be hurt . I 'll learn to forget again , like before , but I 'll keep just enough memory to wish him well . He 'll always be a part of me . He formed me . " " It reminds me of home , " Ada remarked . " Although it didn 't rain quite this way . But there was always a lot of moisture . We were up on the mountain , the clouds blew in from the ocean . When the air wasn 't raining , the plants were dripping . Mist and fog . The sun was rare . The place was depressing . That 's why I like clear skies . I 'd be happy in Arizona . " " You 're so good at what you do . The way you see space . The way you notice people 's clothing and posture , the incompatibilities of adjacent buildings . I never see those things until you point them out . Faces and bodies , clothing and rooms . How do you do it ? " " Come on , what 's all this ? " Sarah waved her hand , indicating the room , the big house , the back yard . " Like this doesn 't count ? Trust me , you wouldn 't want to trade places . You have a husband , and lots of money . You 're in school . " " I don 't want those things . No , I mean I didn 't want to go back to school . I do want to be married , but I only went back to school because my jobs were so meaningless . " She walked to the window and looked out at the rain . " I want to find something , something worthwhile . That 's what 's missing . After I got the first doctorate , it was missing , and it 's missing now . I had those rotten jobs and those horrible bosses after I finished my botany , and I loathed them , I simply loathed them . " She pressed her palms and forehead to the window panes . " When am I going to find the thing I love ? When ? Owen loves building his houses , you love your photography , Wyatt loves his music . But I 'm almost thirty , and I still don 't know what I want to do . Why isn 't there anything for me ? " " Ada - - " " It 's not just that . There 's the other thing . I 've never been able to explain to anyone , no one 's ever understood , except Wyatt . I always feel like a spectator , like I 'm the only one who doesn 't know what 's going on , like everything has a different meaning for me than it does for everyone else . But it 's the same , " she said . " It 's the same as not having a calling . I 'm always outside . I 'm always looking in . I thought it would change when I married , but Owen doesn 't understand . He 'll never understand . He doesn 't want to understand , because it threatens him . When he sees that I feel this way , he thinks he 's not a man , not a good husband because he can 't give me the feeling that I belong , and he - - he ignores it because he can 't stand to think he 's failed me , and that 's the way he feels when I try to tell him this . He thinks I 'm rejecting him . He resents that I feel this way . " " I know , " she cried . " But what can I do ? How can I change who I am ? Even in Monteverde I felt like a foreigner . I 've never learned the language , the language everyone else knows . " |
We 're in Detroit at my parents ' house because my brother 's graduation party is today . When we were at the church setting up last night , my mom gave me a sign to assemble . . . you know , the kind where you use the sticker letters and sticker phrases to make the sign say whatever you want it to . The sample sign on the packaging said , " Congrats ( fill in the name ) ! You did it ! " So , feeling a total lack of creativity , that 's what I was going to put on his sign . When Jeff saw what I was doing , he made me stop . He felt like the phrase , " You did it ! " implied that we didn 't think he would ever actually do it . And there wasn 't really ever any doubt in our minds . When we got back to my parents last night , my mom showed me the slide show that she put together to have running at the party . My sister and I were both teary watching it . It seems like a totally different lifetime to see him as a baby . I have very few memories of that . I guess I did only live at home for his first five years of life . He says he doesn 't really remember me ever living at home . Jeff 's working as a lifeguard at camp this summer and then he 's headed to Liberty Unversity to study aviation in the fall . It 's weird to think that starting in August he 'll will be coming home to visit just like Karina and I do . . . he won 't always be here whenever we come over . Time passes quickly . . . I 'm learning not to waste it . And I 'm pretty sure saying that makes me sound like I 'm 45 . Approximately 2 weeks after cleaning up spilled vegetable oil from your carpet , large spots will appear from all the dirt and grime that sticks to the oil residue . No amount of vacuuming will help . Sick . A week ago , we didn 't have anything but this banner for Jack 's party , so we pulled this all together quickly ! I was worried that it was going to look like an afterthought , but it came together quite nicely , if I do say so myself . And , thanks to family who brought a lot of the food , it was really inexpensive ! I 'm pretty sure that this banner was the priciest thing I purchased ! We had it in Applewood Lodge at camp , which was nice because our house isn 't big enough to hold that many people ! Jack didn 't really get what was going on , but he LOVES being around lots of people so he was enjoying it . I really wanted it to be fun for him ( rather than overwhelming ) . I didn 't really have a theme , other than . . . um , frogs and bugs ? Or maybe summer ? You decide . Here 's the invitation : I cut up those cheap , fake grass welcome mats into little patches to put on all of the tables . Then I put a bowl ( borrowed from the camp ) with goldfish and some rubber frogs and bugs on the grass . The only problem was that I bought fish on Saturday and they all died . We bought more on Sunday and they died , too . I sent my brother to the store early Monday morning to buy the last batch and all but one of them lasted until the end of the party . I was worried that our guests would be eating their lunch and watching fish float belly up in the bowl of water in the middle of their table . Yum . My mom suggested giving a prize to the table who had at least one fish alive at the end of the party ! We ate hamburgers and hot dogs , and thanks to my mom and Kyle 's mom , we had quite a spread of food ! Jack helped me open one of his presents and then played with the beach ball the rest of the time while I opened the rest of them ! Everyone knows him so well that he got a lot of doubles and triples of toys ! This is one spoiled loved kid ! Maria made the cupcakes and they were delicious . Incredible . People are still talking about how good they were . I added the frog eyes . Jack liked them too . Jack was so tired at the end of the party , that he kept curling up in my arms and tryat It 's 7 AM and Jack is still sleeping . He slept all night . So did Murphy . And so did we . It 's gonna be a good day . There are so many untold stories from this month and I 'm sad that I probably won 't remember them . I didn 't write them down here . I just don 't have TIME . Summer is upon us . Even though there are still a lot of uncertainties in my head about how we 'll manage everything , I 'm really looking forward to the summer . We 've hired a great staff . . . I would dare say one of the best we 've ever had . We have a great program . Camper registrations are still rolling in . We 've hired a great nanny for Jack . . . and I 'm so glad that we won 't have to be concerned about whether or not he 's well taken care of . This weekend is kind of the " kick - off " of the summer season at camp . The campground is full , the beach is packed ( even though the temperature is still pretty cool ) and life is continuing to get crazier and crazier . We 're having Jack 's birthday party TOMORROW and I feel totally unprepared . I 'm a little worried that his birthday parties are going to be afterthoughts because of how busy we are during this time of year . I need to get things figured out TODAY ! I think it 's ironic that we 're having his party on the day he was due . Maybe I 'm still wishing he had come on time . . . Jack is still having trouble sleeping and we 're testing out the theory that dairy products might be the culprit . So , right now it 's formula and soy milk for him only . His crankiness has begun to subside , but he 's still waking up at night . Hopefully we 'll get things figured out soon because starting the summer this tired is going to be a challenge . Yesterday , I received a note in our mailbox saying that we had a registered letter waiting for us at the post office . Which is unfortunate , because we have to drive a long way to get to our post office in a direction that we never go . So , I made the trip and was dreaming the entire way about what it could be . Maybe someone sent as a large sum of money anonymously . You know , because they didn 't need it and thought maybe we could use it . Hey . . . it could happen . Or , maybe I won one of those $ 1000 Target gift cards for one of the 25 satisfaction surveys I fill out every month . And I just missed the e - mail telling me it was coming . I had myself pretty much convinced that this was what it would be . But it turned out to be my diploma . I now officially have my masters degree . I 'm not going to lie to you . . . it was a bit of a letdown . But after some consideration , I realized that that piece of paper is worth the $ 18 , 000 I paid for it . Because , seriously , now I can get a job as a professional Sunday School teacher ANYWHERE . It was so worth it . Now that Jack has been weaned for over a month , the symptoms of my PCOS have returned . The good news is that my insulin , thyroid and cholesterol levels all tested as " optimal " so I 'm not facing any of the significant health risks . Just the annoying ones . And it seems that if we do decide to get pregnant again , I 'll have to go through all of the same fertility treatments that I did with Jack . Which is fine because I was trying to decide what to do with the pile of cash I have sitting in my back yard . Glad I have that figured out . I was hoping and praying that the pregnancy would have kind of . . . well , I don 't know . . . maybe re - set my body so that it started behaving the way it 's supposed to . Not so much . It 's actually worse now than it was before I got pregnant . The main treatment for PCOS is the birth control pill . My doctor put me back on that four weeks ago and I felt overwhelmingly nauseous , tired and emotional since then . Yeah , we 'll just call it emotional . This , combined with all of the fun I had last Saturday , my ability to cope hit an all time low and anxiety hit an all time high . I wrote anecdotally about the situation , but honestly , I was struggling to function . So , I stopped taking the pill and I had an appointment on Thursday to find alternative treatment . And I think we have it all taken care of . At least I hope so , because I 'm going to need to be as stable as possible when I receive the bill for all of my doctor 's visits and tests over the last month . So , the last few weeks have been pretty stressful . Everything seemed bigger and more catastrophic than it really was and I 'm glad that this little episode is nearing its end . I 'm also praying that I can regain a sense of normalcy and routine as we head into the summer . Oh , and that I 'll win the lottery . I think we need to buy a new clothes dryer . The electronic panel on ours goes out about every 10 minutes when it 's drying . One night , it wouldn 't stay on , so I sat there holding the button down until the clothes were dry . However , we haven 't had a problem with it for about four days straight now . That said , laundry has been piling up while we try to figure out what to do . I think Jack 's makeshift pajamas from two nights ago make it evident that it 's time to do the laundry . It 's shocking that Jack didn 't sleep better last night after this . He hasn 't slept through the night in about two weeks . Last night , he woke up four times , the last of which ended in me sleeping with him in the spare bedroom . Kyle had to sleep with him in there two nights before that . I don 't know what 's going on with him . Full moon , maybe ? But that 's not what this post is about . Let me set the stage . . . I was changing Jack 's diaper when the phone rang . So , I quickly secured the diaper and set him down without pants while I answered the phone . Toward the end of my conversation , I heard Jack laughing hysterically . It went on for about 5 minutes before I was off the phone . He and Murphy were essentially playing a game of tag . . . which evolved into a game of hide and seek . Though , Jack was waving around one of Murphy 's bones , so maybe it was a game of keep away . At first , I thought Murphy was trying to avoid Jack , but any time he seemed to lose interest , she 'd try and get his attention again . So , I grabbed the video camera and caught the last 15 - 20 minutes of their little game . I edited it down to 3 1 / 2 minutes . My favorite parts are when he 's been laughing so hard and running so much that he can barely stand up ! If nothing else , just watch the first minute . And turn the volume up . at Days like today make every other day seem like a trip to Disney World . Kyle had to be at a baseball tournament all day today so Jack and I were on our own . After breakfast , I lifted Jack out of his high chair only to feel a sharp pain shoot from my lower back down my left hip and leg . I took 2 of the Excedrin and carried on . . . while hunched over in pain . At this point , I felt like I was about 65 . Not a good way to begin the day . I started cleaning up from breakfast and from , well . . . the week ! We weren 't home much so things seemed to kind of pile up . Have I mentioned that Jack figured out how to open the cabinet and drawer child locks in our kitchen ? Jack gets so frustrated now when we won 't allow him to get into the kitchen cabinets . I think he saw the cabinet locks as a challenge . . . and that once he could figure them out , the cabinets were fair game . Like figuring them out was a rite of passage that earned him full access or something . After about 1 / 2 hour , I realized that it was remarkably quiet . I turned around to see the pantry door was wide open . I found Jack in our carpeted hallway dumping one jug of vegetable oil all over himself and the carpet . How on earth he got the cap off , I will never know . In retrospect , I wish I had stopped and taken a picture . For a split second I thought , " Is this the catalyst we need to get new flooring ? " But then I remembered we don 't have any money . I stripped Jack and left him crying in his crib while I scraped vegetable oil off and out of the carpet . Once Jack realized that he could see me from his room , he got a kick out of watching me . I know he wanted to get out and join in on the fun , but I couldn 't have him running around through it and I knew I needed to get it up before it was too late . Don 't forget . . . I 'm still hunched over at this point because of my back pain . I re - dressed Jack and gave him a snack . I remembered that one of the chambers to our carpet shampooer was cracked . Of course it was cracked . Why wouldn 't it be cracked ? I tried to fix that while Jack atat I tried to take a nap yesterday . . . in the middle of the day . I 've been unreasonably tired over the last few days because Jack 's been a little cranky at night and we 've had to get up with him . Kyle usually falls back to sleep fairly quickly . When I wake up . . . whether it 's 3 AM or 6 AM . . . I 'm up for the day . Kyle encouraged me to nap when Jack did in the afternoon . So , I brought Jack home for his nap , I finished a few household chores and then I laid down . I don 't usually do this and I don 't really think it 's a good idea . When I 'm home with Jack , I see that as my job . And most people I know aren 't allowed to take naps in the middle of the day at their jobs , right ? Why should it be any different for a mom whose job is taking care of her child ? If I want that job to be taken seriously , it seems as though napping in the middle of the day is a bad idea . Of course there are always exceptions . . . for instance , this job certainly doesn 't come with sick days . Anyway , I also have trouble falling asleep when it 's still light outside so I closed the curtains and shut my eyes tight and tried to relax , but nothing really worked . So , my " nap " was me just laying in bed tossing and turning and thinking about everything that I should be getting done . Not very restful . So , I 'm still tired . And the stupid dog kept me up again last night . I wish that I could just catch up on sleep , but my body won 't let me . I 'm not at home today . . . I 'm working at camp so there will be no opportunity to attempt another nap . Although , I do have a sofa in my office . . . I know the protocol for Mother 's Day blog posts is write about what an honor and a gift it is to be a mom . Leave it to me to break protocol . A good percentage of my posts are written on this subject , so why be redundant ? I 'm just gonna fill you in on how the day was . . . My first mother 's day as a mom was very low key . . . Just the way I like it . I 've always thought we have it a little backwards . I think moms should be honored on their kids ' birthdays . . . you know , for bringing a human being into the world . And kids should be honored on mother 's day . . . you know , for bringing a mother into the world . But no one listens to me . On Sunday , Kyle and Jack let me sleep a bit longer than usual , while they made a trip into town for McDonald 's breakfast . I 'm pretty sure the gas to get in there cost more than the actual food , so I appreciated it quite a bit . I love breakfast from McDonalds . They went shopping last week and got me a new pair of sunglasses ( to replace the ones I lost a week or two ago . . . shocking , I know ) . They also got me a movie that I really wanted . Seriously , Kyle is great at remembering things that I need and / or ask for . . . sometimes I don 't even remember asking for anything until I open the gift . At church , Jack cried when I dropped him off at the nursery . He rarely does this , but it made me feel as loved and adored as all of the other mothers whose kids do that every week . Maybe he pulled out the tears just for mother 's day . Wasn 't that nice of him ? We went to dinner at Kyle 's parents house and spent some time with his family . Afterward , we went home and just relaxed . Like I said . . . low - key . By the way , if Jack had been born when I was hoping he 'd be born , we would have celebrated his first birthday yesterday . Katie came over to stay with Jack tonight so Kyle and I could get out for a little while , sans baby . We planned to have dinner at Outback ( because we have gift cards ) , but the wait was ridiculously long there so we ended up at Applebee 's ( where we do not have gift cards ) . Afterwards , we went to see " Baby Mama . " It was cute . . . and funny . Cute and funny . I think if I had seen the same movie with anyone other than Tina Fey and Amy Poehler , I might have been disappointed . But I love those two . Hands down , my favorite part was when Tina Fey 's nephew came out with something brown on his arm and his mother kept saying , " Poop or chocolate ? Is this poop or chocolate ? " It was a great night and was exactly what we needed ! It turns out that it wasn 't just date night for Kyle and I . Many of the area schools had their prom tonight . And if you live in Jackson and want to take your prom date to dinner , where do you take her ? Applebees , of course . Fancy . I saw one girl in a maternity prom dress . Yep . Kyle and I were sitting at the window that looks out at the mall corridor and saw another dressed up couple leaving with a Victoria 's Secret bag . I think they need to spend a little time with the girl in the maternity prom dress . Every morning , after I get out of the shower , I plug in my hair dryer and I turn on my flat iron . Every . Morning . I thought about this yesterday morning when Kyle asked me if he could turn off my flat iron . He wanted to know if I was finished with it . I told him I was , even though I hadn 't even used it . I actually use the iron about once a month and I probably have time to dry my hair once or twice a week . Even though I usually leave the house with frizzy hair that was not blown dry or straightened , I do these things each morning with the hope that it will be the day that I have the time and the opportunity to actually do it . I hope that I won 't go out in public for the rest of my life looking like someone who lives without electricity . I 've said many times that I have the best of both worlds with being able to work full time and stay home with Jack . During this time of year , I 'm reminded that I also have the worst of both worlds . I feel like I can 't do either of my jobs really well because Jack 's with me at work and my work is with me at home . Every time Kyle 's grandma sees me she asks me if I wonder what I did with all of my time before I had a baby . I really , really do wonder that . I can 't afford full time day care , but even if I could , I 'm not sure that 's what I would want . And I can 't afford to quit my job . . . but even if I could , I know that I wouldn 't want to give up my position at camp . Sometimes I get bitter ( and envious ) when I look at moms who can have it one way or the other . At other times I 'm grateful when I stand back and look at my arrangement . Can you see why I 'm confused ? I wish I had more time to myself . I wish I had time to get ready in the morning . But I think I 'll sacrifice good hair days for the good that I have right now . I 'll take the craziness with the loveliness . Kyle and his sister are 10 1 / 2 months apart . Which is the equivalent of me having a one - month - old along with Jack right now . I can 't imagine . . . I have a lot of respect for them for doing it without going completely insane . I was thinking about that as I babysat for my niece , Emma , today . Granted , she 's already 7 months old , but having two babies that young is still a lot to handle . I took Emma ( in the bjorn ) , Jack ( in the stroller ) and Murphy ( on a leash ) on a walk before lunch and they were both out cold by the time we got home . They had fun and I got quite a workout ! I really did have a lot of fun with the two of them . . . but not enough fun to make me ready for a second child ! My younger brother got his pilot 's license this last year I drove to the Hillsdale airport yesterday to take some pictures of him with the plane . On Saturday night , he sent me a message telling me that Kyle and Kevin ( my brother - in - law ) could come and he 'd take them up for a little while . I didn 't think that there would be time for me to go up , but I did ! I was so , so nervous . It was weird because it was like my brother was someone totally different when he was flying the plane . He was . . . well , an adult . An adult who had my life in his hands . He explained everything that he did and everything that happened which was really cool . As he was doing the preflight check stuff , I caught a glimpse of this list : Jeff started to explain it and I asked if we could just wait to look at it until we were back on the ground . As we were getting ready to take off , I asked if there were any air sickness bags . He asked if I was joking and I said " yes . " I was joking . Kind of . We flew around camp , and over Lake LeAnn and over our house . There was some turbulence , but it wasn 't too bad . Though , my stomach was a little queasy for the rest of the day . The pilot : Future pilot ? Here 's a great view of the camp : And a view of our house : It really was a lot of fun , and I 'm so glad that I had the chance to go up ! You can see more pictures of our flight here . OK , so this is the farthest thing from the tone of my usual posts , but it 's my blog and I can do what I want . However , I guarantee that when I self - publish this blog in book form ( using blurb ) for Jack to read someday , I 'll leave this post out . So , anyone here have a paypal account ? There 's a new " paypal - esque " site called " Revolution Money Exchange . " It 's the same idea as paypal . . . and just for signing up they put $ 25 into your account . Seriously . No strings attached . It 's just like opening a bank account . You can even sign up and then cash out your $ 25 ( by bank transfer or check ) and never go back to the site again . Why am I plugging this ? Because for every one of you I refer , I get $ 10 into my account ( I think there 's a limit , though ) . And then after you join , you get $ 10 for every referral . It 's not a scam . It 's not a hoax . I know people who have done this and have received their checks already . It 's completely legitimate . I know that I sound like one of those e - mail forwards that tells you that Bill Gates wants to share his fortune with everyone who passes the message on to 20 of their friends . But it 's not . It 's just a new site trying to round up customers . It 's free money , and I just thought I 'd pass it along . Click on the link below to sign - up . Thanks . Dear Jack , When I began writing your letter tonight I started to stress out . Why ? Because your first birthday is less than one month away and I have no idea how we 'll celebrate it . For most people , this might not be a problem . One month is plenty of time . For me , however , this is bad . You see , one month from today , we 'll also be on day 3 of staff training . The " summer blur " will have begun . IN ONE MONTH ! Whew . I need to take deep breaths here . I know , I know . This letter is about you , for you . . . not me . But you 'll be affected by the " summer blur " too . Our routine will change drastically . We 've hired someone to help us take care of you at camp for the summer so that we can spend lots of time with you but things will be different . But I guess things change , don 't they ? Even if we lived a normal life with normal jobs , things would change anyway , wouldn 't they ? I have to be honest with you , Jack . There have been days this month that made me want to give you away as a prize to the next person who told me how cute you are . On these days , it seems that I can 't make you happy . You want to be picked up , but you also want to be put down . . . you want to play , but you want to be held . . . you want to pull things down off of every shelf , but you don 't want anything on the floor . . . you 're hungry , but you don 't want to eat . . . you 're tired , but you don 't want to sleep . You 've thrown lots of tantrums and I let you . I do my best to ignore it and you usually calm down pretty quickly when you realize that NO ONE ' S LISTENING ! When you aren 't quite irritated enough to throw a tantrum , but still want us to know that you 're upset with us , you crinkle your nose and mouth up and just glare at us . It 's one of the funniest things I 've ever seen . Of course there are still plenty of good days , too . In fact , the first few days of your twelfth month have been fantastic ( but more about that at the end of this month ) ! I was holding you the other day when your dad was leaving the house , and he kissed me before he left . This must have been at Ok , let 's play catch up . Last Wednesday was quite possibly the best day Jack and I have had together in all of his short life ! That morning he slept until ( drum roll please ) 8 : 45 AM ! Almost 13 hours ! To be honest , he did wake up at 6 AM , but Kyle got him out of his crib and he put his head on Kyle 's shoulder and went right back to sleep . I got so much done that morning . Of course it was interrupted by me checking on him ever 3 minutes to make sure he was alright ! I don 't know what prompted that extra sleep , but it was nice to get a few things done around the house . Jack was in such a great mood the rest of the day and we enjoyed the beautiful weather and each other 's company . That evening , however , the skies parted and God looked down and decided that Kyle and I have had things too easy . He woke up three or four times that night . He was up pretty much all night the next two nights . We blame teething . Stupid molars . During the day , he has been Whiny ( that 's whiny with a capital " W " ) . And the tantrums ! Oh , the tantrums ! That said , when I 'm home , my entire focus has been on Jack . I guess the bright side is that I 've been able to break in my Love and Logic skills a little . I 've said " uh oh " and " so sad " more times than I can count . It 's working though , because when I give Jack a firm " no " on anything , he 's learning to turn around and walk in the opposite direction . When he hears " uh oh " he knows it 's too late . He starts whimpering and holds his hands up to me as if to say , " I know . I blew it . Time for a little time out . " I heart love and logic . Things have started to get a little better , though . I think the last week has been a lot about Jack testing his limits and seeing if he can control us or if we 're going to be the ones setting the boundaries . I 'm sure teething has also added to his unpleasantness . He is definitely learning to make his will known . He even has this face he makes where he scrunches up his nose and mouth and glares at us sometimes when we say no . It 's hilarious . I really want to get a picture of it somat My name is Sara and I started this blog in 2006 , when I was the Best Mom Ever . Then in 2007 I had my first child , and it was all downhill from there . I 'm not the best mom , but I 'm not the worst either . As with most things in life , the truth lies somewhere in the middle . Now , I 'm a mother to 4 , I work full time at a camp and run a business designing awesome things for awesome people . |
January 11th , 2013 · 2 Comments · Uncategorized Tripawds is a user - supported community . Thank you for your support ! Wow ! I 'm a major slacker . In my defense , summer was crazy with the kids and the new dog . Our best friends ' 2 kids came and spent just over two weeks with us . While they were here , one of them got an awful stomach bug . That went through the rest of our family . Then school started and it has been the worst year yet for us and germs . Another stomach bug hit us - this one was 3 days per person . I ended up at the ER with my older daughter . Everyone but my husband caught that one . We have had a few cases of strep . And we finished up the year with the girls and I getting flu ( tested positive for influenza A - and yes , we did get our vaccines ) . Fun times I tell ya ! We again went out to Wyoming / Idaho for about 11 days after Christmas . I had some really sad twinges while out there . It was when we were there last year that I found out that Spencer 's cancer had moved to his lungs . I 'm now generally able to talk fondly of him and not tear up ; but man . I still miss him . We are about 11 months past his death and I can look back and know that 1 ) we did everything that we could to save him and to help him fight that cancer and 2 ) I don 't have regrets . I don 't regret the money spent . I don 't regret the treatments that we chose . He was an amazing dog and I 'm glad that he found our family . On to Teddy . He is fitting in great . he is wonderful with the kids . Great with our cat . And just a cute little character . We have gotten over his problems with accidents in the kennel . At this point his only " problem " is that he likes to try to be the alpha dog . Especially if there is a big dog around . But considering all of his other amazing qualities we deal with that little fault and try to work to get him over it . Teddy went out to Wyoming with us this year ( part of why we got a little dog , so that he could go on trips with us ) . I wasn 't sure what he would think of the snow ; but he LOVED it . he was adorable running through it , often it was over his head and he would suddenly pop out . July 4th , 2012 · 5 Comments · Uncategorized Tripawds is a user - supported community . Thank you for your support ! It is kind of hard to believe that it has already been a week that we have had Teddy , and then it is kind of hard to believe that he has only been a part of our family for a week . He is falling right in with the family . We all just love him and the biggest problem is probably the " argument " each night over who he sleeps with . I should confess that the selfish part of me wants him in my room each night . 😉 I don 't give in to my selfishness though , the kids all take turns . We are learning more and more about him . Like that he wants to eat dinner * with * us . As in , having his food bowl against the wall , about 2 feet away from the table was not a good thing . He wasn 't too interested in eating and we had taken to sitting on the floor with him to encourage him . Then a few nights ago my oldest daughter said , " hey , maybe he wants to eat WITH us ! " She put his food bowl by the table ( still on the floor ) and he immediately dug right in ! Speaking of walking on water … we have been introducing him to swimming . We bought him a life jacket and let him ride around on a float with us . When he is ready to get out of the lake he climbs off of the float and starts swimming for the dock where I pull him in . Then he rubs all over the dock - I think the outdoor carpet on it must feel good . Oh , and he only wants to go in when it is HOT outside ( like the 100 + temps we have been having ) . I promise , pictures will come soon . But then after that I 'm thinking I should probably move Teddy posts over to our family blog since he has all 4 legs . But I 'm not sure … honestly , at our family blog I 'm kind of just typing to myself . I don 't think anyone reads it ! haha But I figure in 10 years I 'll like to look back and see what was happening in our lives through these stages … June 29th , 2012 · 2 Comments · Uncategorized Teddy Bear Oreo joined our family a couple of days ago and he is really fitting in so far . He is a 13 pound shih tzu , 3 years old and was an owner turn in . ( original owner got sick and couldn 't care for him . ) My husband and I decided to make the switch to a small dog for a number of reasons - stuff like being able to take him on trips with us when we fly , not having to use the car top carrier for luggage due to the dog taking up the cargo area of the SUV , him being able to cuddle in bed with the kids , a longer life expectancy … We really had to think about it since we both consider ourselves to be " big dog people " ; but long before I started having dobermans ( more than 20 years ago … ) I had a shih tzu and he was a great dog . I tried to consider terriers . I tried to like them . But I have to confess that their bark was just something I couldn 't get over . It is kind of high pitched or something . I don 't know , it drove me nuts with all of the terriers that we met and many different weekend visits to PetSmart . In the end , I kept coming back to shih tzus . I had found a tripawd one that I had hoped to meet ; but then got delayed due to a bad ankle / foot sprain . He was adopted by someone else while I was waiting to get better ( needed a week to get to where I could get around on the boot - there was just no way that I was able to get around for all of the walks that would be needed that first week of my injury . But it all worked out . This week a new listing came up on Petfinder for a pup and we went to meet him . The kids all fell in love , I don 't mind his bark , he fit right in with us . We have now had Teddy for about a day and a half ( picked him up late Wednesday night ) . He does have worms , which he is being treated for . Other than that he got a clean bill of health from our vet . I think we are going to have to work on his " big man on campus " issues - if he sees a bigger dog ( so anything other than a Chihuahua , a yorkie , or similar ) he has to bark and show everyone he is tough . We 'll be working on that . In fact , we are about to head out to work on socializing right now . May 21st , 2012 · 1 Comment · Uncategorized Well , I have been really hanging around Petfinder lately . Trying to think about what we are looking for in another dog . For now , I thought that I 'd post links to tripawds that I find there just to give them a little more visibility . I have also been posting these in the rescue forum on the tripawds site ; but I figure every little bit of visibility can help . April 14th , 2012 · 5 Comments · Uncategorized 🙁 I was telling my husband last night , A day hasn 't gone by that I haven 't specifically thought to myself that I really miss Spencer . I still tear up when I think about him . I called our family vet yesterday to ask that if they have any patients who need an amputation and the family is on the fence that they give the family my name and number in case they want to talk to someone who has been through it . I found myself tearing up just talking to the vet . This weekend we plan to finally bury Spencer 's ashes ( along with all of the other pets ' ashes that we have been saving ) . I know it is going to be tough . ( Before we had the cabin we never had a home that we felt we would ALWAYS own . Even our house now , we plan to sell it when ( in 12 years ) the kids are all out of high school . But now we have the cabin and we plan to retire there , so are ready to bury all of our pets - my cat Fred , our cat Timone , the dog we had when we got married - Baron , and now Spencer . ) I actually think that this weekend we will only bury Spencer and Timone 's ashes as they were also the kids ' pets and they need this closure . Then later Ed and I can go and bury the other 2 pets . I know I 'm getting more to the point that I 'm ready to consider getting a new dog ; but man . I still miss Spencer . Every time I get home and put the key in the front door I think of how much I miss how happy he was to see me when I came through the door . I really miss him everyday when I walk down to the school bus stop . And oh how I miss him up at the cabin . I 'm starting to think that my heart is ready to have a new pet there to greet me and to become a part of our family . I 'm having a hard time figuring out what would be a good fit though . My first thought is that we get another doberman . BUT … I have decided that I want to buy from a breeder this time rather than doing a rescue . I want to know the family history , know that there is no cardio myopathy or cancer in the family . So maybe I can start out a little ahead … But at the same time , I want a doberman with natural ears . Well , I called what seem to be the 3 most reputable breeders near Atlanta . All of them crop the pups ' ears at about 6 or 7 weeks - before they have figured out which dogs are pet quality and which are show quality . And I REALLY love the natural ears . I just can 't see us with a doberman with cropped ears - he would be missing such an expressive part of himself ! So , if not a doberman … we started talking about maybe we should do a small dog . But it can 't be yippy or snappy . It has to be a dog that is good with kids ( kids who are good with dogs ; but they are still kids ) . I don 't want aggressions - not toy or food or anything else that I haven 't thought of . And I want a dog who doesn 't have accidents in the house and is easily house trained . It sure seems hard to find all of that in a little dog . I thought the French Bulldog seemed like it might be a possibility ; but then some research said that these dogs absolutely can NOT swim . At all . they sink . I think that is too much of a risk for us . I mean , what if the little thing tried going in the lake at the cabin and we couldn 't get to him in time ? ? ? Too risky . so , I 'm still researching ; but I also keep coming back to dobermans . Other than being small ( and therefor portable - even able to be our carryon luggage for our annual ski trip ) dobermans have every quality that we want . Maybe I just need to get over the cropped ears thing … March 2nd , 2012 · 9 Comments · Uncategorized Deep down , I really held out hope ( and kind of believed ) that Spencer was going to be the dog to beat the odds . I thought he might make it . Or that he would at least make it for more than a year . I never admitted this to anyone , not even my husband . I mean , before the lung mets we all hoped that he was going to beat it , and really thought he was going to . But after the diagnosis of lung mets on Jan . 6 … well , I still held out hope . Spencer seemed healthy ( as I posted time and again ) . We would meet people when out and they would ask about his leg and then comment that he was going to beat the cancer , right ? And I 'd be honest and say that no , it was in his lungs ; but that while he was doing so great we would keep fighting and that hopefully he would at least make it through the summer . For the kids , I was always very honest that he couldn 't beat it and it was important for us to enjoy every moment with him . But all along , in the back of my head a little voice said that if any dog could beat it , it would be Spencer . I had convinced myself that he would be here for Christmas 2012 . I had convinced myself that when we went in next week for xrays that the mets would be smaller or even gone . I still made a point to practice what I preached - I enjoyed every minute that we had with Spencer . I spoiled him , loved on him and made sure that we did things with him . But I wasn 't convinced that he was actually going to die from this . I just really expected to see his health go down hill like it did with my last dog - Baron . I had warning signs with Baron . I knew the time was coming . It was gradual . He SEEMED sick . But then … I think about how different Spencer and Baron were . I loved Baron with all of my heart too ; but let 's face it . He was a bit of a wimp . I always knew RIGHT away if he had the slightest injury because he let me know right away . Unlike Spencer , who NEVER let me know something was wrong . Spencer broke his toe one time . I 'm pretty sure I know when it happened - he had been trying to run around the corner downstairs , slipped , and slid all of the way across the kitchen until he hit the chair I was sitting in . A couple of days later I went to trim his nails and saw that one of his toes was very swollen . Took him right to the vet . His toe was broken . He had never let on . And that was how Spencer was . He never let on when he was in pain or not feeling well . I shouldn 't have been surprised that they handled cancer totally differently ( that and that even though both were dealing with cancer in the lungs , it was different kinds of cancer ) . I really miss Spencer . it is weird not having him here . I still tear up when I think about him . My husband is going to have to call to cancel next weeks oncology appointment for me because I haven 't been able to bring myself to do it . I know that eventually I 'll be better with it though , just like I am now with Baron . March 1st , 2012 · 5 Comments · Uncategorized My oldest daughter has pink eye , so was home from school today . That is 3 days of me not being able to get my stuff done while they were at school . So , I had to to go to the grocery store with her in tow ( but not touching ANYTHING ) . I wanted to hurry to grab the things that we needed , so I cut down a random isle . Wouldn 't you know it , that random isle was the pet food isle ( we didn 't buy dog food at the grocery store , so it wasn 't one of the isles I was particularly familiar with ) . I hoped she wouldn 't notice and tried to just hurry down the isle . Halfway down she looked up at me with tears in her eyes and said , " Mommy , can we not come down this way anymore ? It makes me really sad . " Later today I was upstairs . I kept swearing that I heard Spencer 's collar jingling . I thought I must be going crazy . Yeah , my daughter was wearing his collar around her waist . February 29th , 2012 · 3 Comments · Uncategorized As you guys know , yesterday was a hard , and crazy day . Normally , on Mondays the kids go to school , they get off the bus , the twins have 45 minutes of swim team practice , then I drop the girls at dance class and my son at gymnastics . I then head back to pick up the girls and eventually either I or my husband go and pick up my son . So as it is , Mondays are normally a little bit hectic . But with Spencer 's death yesterday things were different . My mom picked all of the kids up from school around 11 : 30 . After we left the vet they went to lunch with my mom and step dad , then the kids came back home . The twins wanted to skip swim team , which I was perfectly fine with and the girls wanted to skip dance , again , I was fine with that . My son decided that he wanted to go to gymnastics though , because to him , " gymnastics is the happiest place on earth ! " < 3 Now … my son does gymnastics practice for 3 hours . Like I said , it is drop off , then go back later . At drop off I stayed for a bit and talked to a friend . Then the girls and I got back in the car and drove home . Right when we pulled into the driveway my older daughter said that he left his snack bag in the car . Argh . BACK we went , and this time in traffic . But , just before we turned into gymnastics we saw this beautiful sunset and right in the middle of the brightest point there were 2 clouds ( likely made by airplanes since they were straight lines ; but they were much puffier than normal stuff left by planes ) . The lines crossed and looked like a cross right there in the brightest point of the sunset . The girls and I decided it was God letting us know that Spencer was in Heaven and he was OK . Then a minute later we saw another set of clouds like this ; but smaller . These looked almost purple against a pink sky . On the weekend of March 18 we went up to the cabin . Spencer , my youngest daughter and I went up on Friday . My husband and the twins came up on Saturday . Saturday morning Spencer , my daughter and I went into downtown Blue Ridge for a bit . Walking around there with Spencer was like walking around with a rock star . Everyone wanted to stop and pet the 3 legged dog , find out his story and comment on how great he was doing . At the start of the day he was eager to meet everyone , giving licks and all . By the end of the day you could see that he was like , " look people … that 's enough . I have licked a thousand hands and I 'm done with greeting the public . " 🙂 He started just walking past people and paying attention to my daughter instead . Sometimes when you are out with a three legged dog you get some negative comments . People suggesting that it would have been better for you to have just put the dog to sleep , or how they cold never do that to their dog , what ever . But mostly , what we encountered was a lot of people amazed by Spencer . < 3 February 28th , 2012 · 4 Comments · Uncategorized I posted on tripawds this morning in a panic . See , as I posted below - Friday Spencer was doing GREAT . Like , amazing . Running , happy , eating , drinking . he didn 't seem sick at . all . He happily ran to and from the school bus stop in the afternoon to get the kids off of the bus . That was always his favorite time of the day - " school bus time " . Around 2 : 20 each day , if I so much as flinched , he would jump up , tail wagging , and run to the door . Then look disappointed when it wasn 't quite time to go . When finally , at about 2 : 38 each day , I would open the front door he would run out onto the porch with his tail wagging , looking back to make sure I was coming . On Saturday I had to go to a birthday party with my youngest daughter . That night the kids and I went and slept at my mother 's house so that we would be closer to the gymnastics competition that William had to be at by 7 : 40 Sunday morning . As we were packing the car to leave Spencer was doing his normal , " don 't leave me . I 'm coming . Here , let me go ahead and get situated in the car for you ! " routine . We had to tell him to go back in the house . 🙁 My husband was flying out to CA on Sunday afternoon , so he ended up staying at our house packing and Spencer was with him . So I wasn 't around Spencer much on Saturday or Sunday . When my husband got to my mom 's house EARLY Sunday morning , he brought Spencer over there to spend the day . After the competition I met my mom at a restaurant that is near her house , one that allows kids AND dogs ( on the patio - a lot of places near her don 't allow kids so that they CAN allow smoking ) . On the walk home , Spencer did seem to struggle some . I wrote it off to him not being used to walking on a leash . For the last few months the only time he has been on a leash has been to walk in and out of the vet 's office . I don 't know when the last time was that he did an actual walk on leash . Anyway , I did notice that he was having a harder time hopping along and really seemed like he was back about 1 - 2 weeks after his amputation ( getting tired , having to stop and rest ) . I wrote it off to the carboplatin treatment that he had just over a week ago . He was still eating . He was still giving lots of kisses . Still wagging his tail . One thing I did notice , that I didn 't pay much attention to was that he was getting a little bit of dandruff . This morning we all got up . Spencer did seem to have a little tougher time than normal ; but nothing * too * alarming . Until he started coughing . And then he started coughing out some blood . The largest amount was a drop about the size of a quarter , most were just a few drips . The kids had been arguing with me that they didn 't want to ride the bus , they wanted me to drive them to the school ( normally my husband drives them ; but since he was out of town either I needed to drive them , or they needed to catch the bus ) . I finally told them that I was NOT leaving Spencer home alone with him not feeling well and that they HAD to ride the bus . That I was taking him to the vet and would e - mail their teachers with updates . I got them out of the house , sat down and e - mailed their teachers to warn them that the kids were worried about Spencer and that I 'd send an update later . By now Spencer wasn 't coughing anymore ; but he was laying on his bed by the couch ( he had lots of beds ) and I could hear a rattle when he would breathe . I had to stop crying ( posted on tripawds while trying to get myself under control enough to talk to them ) . In my post I asked if things could really go down hill this fast , if we could go from on Friday thinking that we had months to suddenly maybe only having weeks . Things seemed to be going downhill so much faster than with Baron ( my last doberman , he had lung cancer ) . I guess that I expected the cancers to go about the same since Baron 's was lung cancer and now Spencer 's was in his lungs . I called GVS ( Georgia Veterinary Specialists ) and asked what I should do . Spencer 's oncologist is not in the office on Mondays . So I asked if it was worth it to drive over to GVS for the ER , knowing that with traffic it could take me 2 hours , or if I should go to the family vet since they at least know all of Spencer 's history . They told me that considering the time it would take to get there it would probably be better to go to the family vet . At first I planned to wait to call them ( The Veterinary Clinic West ) once they opened at 8 : 30 . But then I peaked at Spencer 's gums and tongue and they were pretty much grey . I snuck upstairs ( because I didn 't want him following me ) and took a fast shower , then back downstairs . I called The Veterinary Clinic and left a message saying what was going on ( pale gums / tongue , coughing blood , weak ) and that I was driving on down and would be there waiting when they opened at 8 : 30 . I called spencer to go out to the car . He got up , walked around the couch , and kind of fell down . He couldn 't get back up . I called my husband in a panic wondering WHAT I was going to do . Calmed down , went out and moved the car so that it would be as close to the door as possible , got the sling that I used to help Spencer walk right after his amputation . I came back in , tried to slide that under him and help him walk to the car . But we only made it about 3 of my steps . His legs didn 't seem to be working at all . I didn 't know what I was going to do . I knew there was no way I could carry him that far . I went out in my front yard thinking I 'd try to catch one of the other men on the street . My neighbor 's son ( 20 something ) and one of his friends were in the driveway and I called to them ( while bawling ) and asked if they could come help get Spencer in the car . they ran right up and carried him out and laid him on the bed in my car ( actually a mini van , have one of the seats folded into the floor and keep a dog bed there for Spencer ) . During all of this The Veterinary Clinic had called back My mom and step dad got there , the vet came in to talk to us . He told me that I had done an excellent job filling out the patient history . ( getting kind of good at it by now ! ) He was frank - things didn 't look good . He asked if Spencer had a heart condition and I told him that his heart wasn 't functioning quite at full capacity ; but that it wasn 't cardio myopathy as of September . Apparently he was having a hard time hearing Spencer 's heartbeat , which could indicate a heart issue , or fluid in the chest . Spencer 's WBC count was off ; but his red blood cells were good . His platelets were really , really low . And it is not common to do a platelet transfusion for a dog . they didn 't have platelets there . He said MAYBE UGA had some , or GVS ( where Spencer went to the oncologist ) . They were going to run a few more tests . Do the x - rays . then they would get back to me . With the x - rays we saw why he couldn 't hear the heart . Spencer 's chest was FULL of fluid . No way to be 100 % sure ; but most likely blood . We weren 't positive ; but it looked like there might be a few new lung mets in another part of his lungs . The vet told us that he could use a syringe and draw off the fluid ; but that what ever had caused it to start would still be there . That we MIGHT buy Spencer another week ; but it might only buy a few more hours . That Spencer was not going to be able to go back to how he was on Friday . I asked my mom and step dad to go and pick my kids up from school . At first Spencer was back in what looked like a big incubator ; but was just a box with oxygen . They moved him into a visitation room so that he could lay comfortable and had an oxygen tube that I just tried to hold near his nose while I laid and cuddled with him . It was obvious that he was sick . I think he was worse than he was the day I picked him up from his amputation . At least on that day he perked his ears up some and wagged his tail a little . By the time he was in that room today , he wasn 't doing either . I also noticed that his dandruff ( that I had noticed yesterday ) was really bad . Something I had never seen on him . And , his fur just wasn 't as soft . It was kind of bristly . Very strange . I guess that all those fluids going into his chest were maybe making it where the moisture / oil in his skin wasn 't there , so his fur was dry ? The door to the room was closed ; but I heard my kids when they came in the building . They were really trying to keep their crying under control ; but they were SO upset . They were upset with me for promising them , as I sent them off to the bus , that Spencer would NOT die today . They were upset that the cancer was taking their dog . They were just flat out upset . And who can blame them ? They snuggled him a lot . Hugged on him . And then got upset all over again when I told them they needed to go in another room with my mom while the doctor gave Spencer the medicine that would " first make Spencer sleepy , so he would go to sleep . then it would stop his heart and he would die . And he wouldn 't hurt anymore and would go to Heaven . " They wanted to stay with him . But … when I had Baron put to sleep he urinated , and I didn 't know if that would upset the kids . And the bigger concern was that the vet thought there was a chance that some fluid / blood would come out of Spencer 's mouth and nose . And I worried that would REALLY upset the kids . So my mom took them in the other room . My step dad and I stayed with Spencer until he was gone . When I went to get the kids I told them that he was gone , he was in Heaven now . My older daughter ( 7 . 5 years old ) looked at me so serious and asked , " what was it like when he disappeared ? " I explained that his body was still here ; but that his soul , what made Spencer different from every other dog in the world , was now in Heaven . The kids really insisted that they wanted to see his body and I decided that it would be OK , so we stepped back in and they saw that it just looked like he was sleeping . They mostly seemed OK with things . My mom took the kids out to the car and I stuck around to get the 3 paw prints that they were doing ( in clay ) . Once I had those I went out and rode home with the kids ( my head was SPLITTING from all of the crying , so my mom was driving ) . My Mom and step dad took the kids out for lunch so that I could have a little bit of time on my own . My step dad helped me get the dog kennel , dog beds , dog bowls and everything else down in the basement . Our family room feels weird without Spencer 's big kennel and 2 beds in it . |
Hey , Y ' all ! Well , it is almost over , isn 't it ? Many people think of New Year 's resolutions on this last day of the year . I never bother to make them , because I know it is a foolish gesture because they are almost always things that we have attempted to accompllish before and never could . Actually , each new day is a virtual new beginning for each of us , if we choose to do so . This morning , I had a good cry thinking about my little brother , John , who was laid to rest on Monday , December 29th . I was thinking about how we spent so many years walking to school together , talking about things , and just generally enjoying each other 's company . I remembered how he enjoyed telling or listening to a good joke . I thought about how we laughed together over those times in later years and how we won 't be doing that anymore . His wife , Darlene , had sent me an e - mail telling me how they had buried his ashes in the National Military Cemetary on Monday , and how the Military had given him the 21 gun salute , played taps and gave her the American Flag in his memory . Thinking about all those things really brought it home to me , that he really is gone from this life . I know I shall miss him terribly in the years to come . All my brothers served our country in the United States Army , and so far , three of them have been laid to their final resting place . I miss them all . I look forward to the time when I will see them again . What does all this have to do with a Happy New Year ? Well , although they are gone , there are those who are still here and Gramps and I intend on enjoying our time here as long as we can . Gramps actually got up this morning at around 10 : 30 or so . Hallelujah ! He probably heard the activity going on outside our back door , although that is not necessarily true . I groused at him a little bit yesterday about staying in bed until 4 : 30 yesterday . Anyway , the noise outside the back door was our neighbor putting a ramp outside the back door for us to use so that Gramps can get out without my having a nervous breakdown trying to get Grammy Hey , Y ' all , Our daughter , Carol , each year composes a letter to tell of their year , and her two daughter 's - in - law do the same thing . This is mine and Gramps letter this year . So here goes : We began our year with the laying to rest of my sister , Margaret . You may ask , " how does that make you feel blessed ? " We feel blessed for having known her and having her in our lives . Margaret loved the Lord , and she lived her faith for all to see . She did not flaunt her faith , but lived it quietly . She was a good role model , and she is sorely missed . Many times I have things I would like to talk to her about and questions that only she could answer . Gramps and I moved into a new home January of this year and we continue to be blessed by that . We are living on land that once belonged to my family , and the portion we live on was sold to a neighbor in 1963 so that I could begin my college education at Carson - Newman . Our good friends , Mark and Allie ( our adoptive children ) , bought the land back from descendants of the neighbor that my parents sold it to . We continue to be blessed just knowing Mark and Allie . We feel like we have come home at last . We feel blessed by the new additions to our family this year . We added three great grandchildren this year . Our grandson , Will , and his wife , Tasha , had a baby girl , Alyssa Peige , born on January 9th . She is beautiful in the pictures we have seen . We have not yet seen her in person . I have a picture of her grandmother , Teresa , holding Alyssa as wallpaper on my computer . I am filled with love when I look at the two of them . We feel blessed by the addition of Elizabeth Maria - Vanessa , to our family by way of adoption in January . Our grandson , Daniel , and his wife , Whitney , adopted her as their fourth child . She is beautiful and we got to meet her and hold her in August of this year . To know her , is to love her . We feel blessed in having her brothers and sister as great grandchildren , as well . Our hearts swell with pride and love for them . We feel blessed by the addition of Alyssa Faith , born to Grammy Hey , Y ' all , Well , as I promised a couple of days ago , here are some more pics from our get together at my brother , Hugh 's , house . Now , I can 't tell you who all the people are right now , but when I can get all the names , I will come back and edit this posting and identify all . I will have to get ID 's from those who know . Probably Imazo will be able to tell me , when I can get prints made . All I can tell you right now , is that we had a wonderful time meeting and eating together . I know my sister , Margaret , could have told me also . I would like to mention here , ( in her memory ) , that she would have enjoyed the get together tremendously . She was a very outgoing social person , who got along famously with others . Today is the one year anniversary of her passing on to Glory . We miss her . Well , Gramps is still abed , and I am going to try to entice him to get up by making a " breakfast " like he enjoys . I may even make some sausage gravy to go with his ham , eggs , and biscuits . He has so little that he enjoys doing these days . Well , yeah , I do enjoy that kind of breakfast as well , and it is Sunday morning and the day stretches before me . I will be taking down the few Christmas decorations today that are up . Wreath on the front door , lights on the mantel , and small tree on the living room end table . That 's it . Empty boxes and unused wrapping paper to the basement along with the decorations . Then , Christmas is over . It was beautiful while it lasted . Laundry to finish also ( just drying what I washed yesterday . BTW , it was so beautiful yesterday , that I got Gramps out and went to Knoxville to visit with Hugh and Imazo . I also took him what I could find on the internet about a low phosphorous diet . He got the blood report back from the doctor 's office and it appears that his phosporous level is too high . While we were there , I took Imazo to the store so she could exchange his pants she had gotten him for Christmas , because they were too small around the waist . His illness has caused him to have so much fluid in his body that he is laGrammy Hey , Y ' all , I hope you had a really great Christmas this year . Ours was a lot of fun with friends and " family " . The family we spent the day with yesterday is so dear to us , we consider them a part of our family . I spent about an hour online chatting with our daughter , Teresa , who didn 't get to go visit grandchildren , and I was so sorry to hear that she and Tom couldn 't go see them . We did enjoy the time we got to spend chatting . ( As we always do ) . We left here Christmas Day about 11 : 15 a . m . and headed over to Mark and Allie 's , who live only about 5 or 6 minutes away . There were a lot of people at Mark and Allie 's . Besides Mark , Allie , Gramps and me , there were their three daughters , Sarah ( who lives in California ) and her fiance , Josh ; Jessie and her friend , Travis ; Rachael and her fiance , Jason ; Jason 's two children , Connor , and Cassidy ; and our honorary grandchildren from Taiwan , Jennifer and Nelson . You can see from the pile of gifts under the tree that there were a lot of them . We began opening gifts at noon , and of course , only one gift was opened at a time . If you can believe it , at 2 : 30 in the afternoon , we were still not quite through opening gifts . The paper , ribbons , bows and boxes literally flew as gifts were opened . We finally had dinner / supper at 4 p . m . It was quite a spread , and Allie did herself proud . We had baked ham , roast turkey , green beans , niblet corn , stuffing , hot rolls , ham gravy , and turkey gravy , deviled eggs , sparkling cider , mashed potatoes , and other foods I just can 't remember . That doesn 't include the desserts which came about two hours after the dinner . My sister - in - law , Mae , had called me earlier in the day and was telling me about the disaster that had come her way . She had intended her children and grandchildren and great grandchildren to come to her home for Christmas dinner . Mae is 89 and had prepared the turkey to go into the oven ( on Wednesday ) and also had made casseroles to cook in the oven . She had her table set with plates , silverware , candles , the whole deal . She turned Grammy Hey , Y ' all , Merry Christmas to all of youse guys and gals , This is , of course , Christmas Eve , and I was up at 8 a . m . today , because I slept in and my back was in pain . When I got up , I immediately smeared some Bio - freeze on my back and it helped some . I haven 't posted for a few days and realized I needed to do so . I have been a little busy with stuff and going and doing . A couple of days it was just too cold to get out , so I utililized that time working on Matt 's quilt ( which I had hoped to get to him for Christmas , but had to send him a promissory note instead ) . I also cooked some dried apples yesterday , in preparation for making some fried apple pies . I sweetened the apples with splenda so that Gramps , Mark , and Allie could eat them without worrying about sugar . This morning , I got up and decided it was time to make them . You will notice from the picture how small they are . I purchased some of the ready made crusts that come rolled up and rolled the crust a little thinner ( I used aluminum foil to roll them on ) . With the use of aluminum foil , you don 't have to use flour to roll them . I then used my largest biscuit cutter to cut the circles , put about a teaspoon of apple filling into the center of the circle . ( I always add cinnamon and cloves to the filling when hot , after draining water out of cooked apples ) . After putting the filling on the center of the cutout crust , I put another circle of dough on top , and then using my index finger , I carefully crimped the edges of the crusts together . Then , using a salad fork ( shorter tines , you know ) , I pressed the edges with it all the way around , then pricked the center in a couple of places to allow steam to escape from inside , and put them into a skillet with some butter - flavored crisco already in it , and melted . The skillet should be hot when the pies are put in and they only need a couple of minutes before turning them over . Cook till golden brown , remove , and eat as you wish . Yesterday , I went into Knoxville to take Imazo anywhere she needed to go . I really enjoyed siGrammy Hey Y ' all , Everything is very quiet here today , ( except for the television in the living room running at full blast , since Gramps is really getting hard of hearing ) . I actually didn 't get up for good until nearly 9 a . m . We went into Knoxville yesterday afternoon to get together with family and when we left it was storming a whole lot ! It was quite difficult driving through the rain , because the water was all over the highway , and falling in sheets ( maybe even a few pillowcases ) . I was so tense while driving that sometime in the middle of the night I woke up with cramps in both legs and so I just lay quietly hoping the cramps would go away , and eventually they did . When I got up at seven to make a pit stop , I went back to bed and didn 't wake up again until almost 9 a . m . When I got up at 9 this morning , I remembered I had promised Gramps last night that I would " make breakfast " this morning . Thus , I proceeded to do so , and got him up at nearly 10 to eat . Last night at Hugh 's , we had a wonderfully delicious supper that I know Imazoe must have worked all day in the kitchen to prepare . Yum ! The menu consisted of : Mac and Cheese ; mashed potatoes , green beans , ham , turkey , rolls , chicken planks , and topped off with cake and ice cream . She also had all kinds of things to drink ( nope , no alcoholic beverages - our family doesn 't do those ) . She had invited a lot of people , some of whom Gramps and I had never met , but they were on the family side of Peggy , Jeff 's wife ( a dear lady , by the way ) . There will be pictures when I get them sent to me . There will also be more about the get - together when I do get them . I do know we all had a wonderful time . I have one picture of the get together that I would like to post . It is a picture of Hugh , his son , Jeff , and Jeff 's sons , Jonathan , Andrew , and Thomas . As you may be able to tell , Tom and Jon are twins . Andrew is the oldest son and is married . The twins are still single . There are also a couple of pictures I wish to post that are of the new used furniture that I got yesterday from Posted by Hey , Y ' all , Well , here it is Saturday , and I am just now getting to posting about our Senior Citizens " Unique Antiques " Christmas Party at our church on Thursday . We had a really great time ! We had lots of food ( a priority , you know ) to nibble on after we sat around and chatted with one another in a circle of chairs , waiting for everyone to arrive . After we ate , we once again sat in the circle and began the fun and games . Our director , Judy , had planned well . The first thing we did was to write on a piece of paper 3 things we liked to do . The papers were then folded up and taken up . Judy then went around and one by one , each of us chose and read out loud what was on the paper . The group members then tried to guess who had written it . When it was correctly guessed , another person chose one to read . Judy then started a gift around . It had several individual layers of wrapping paper on it . She played music as we passed it around , and then when the music stopped , the person holding the gift would take one layer of the paper off of the gift . Then it would be passed again in the opposite direction until the music stopped , etc . The person taking off the last layer of the gift wrapping would get to keep the gift . Then she passed paper and pencils around and on the paper was written the words Merry Christmas . The letters were vertically written on the paper with a line after each letter . We were given 90 seconds to write as many words as we could beginning with each of the letters in Merry Christmas . I came up with 40 words as did some of the others . I think 41 was the top number of words . Judy then started a santa 's stocking with small objects inside it . We were each given 30 seconds to reach in and feel , to determine what the objects were . After 30 seconds we had to pass it on to the next person to feel inside it , while we wrote on the paper what we thought was inside the stocking . That was great fun , too . The objects inside were : plastic spoon and fork , bell , police car , beads , marble , ( can 't remember the rest of them ) Posted by Hey , Y ' all , I know I haven 't posted yet about the Unique Antiques meeting yesterday , but I haven 't downloaded the pics yet . I will do that in the morning and do the post about it . The wind today was ferocious ! I 'll bet if I had stood in the wind for very long , I might be in the next county by now . AH Ha . Just joking ! But it was very strong and cold . It knocked out the electricity in town and out here in the country and over in the next county . My friend , Judy , her mom , Marion , and I went over into the next county to a lovely little tearoom and had lunch . What a lovely treat that was ! I had loaded potato soup , a half sandwich of chicken salad on puff pastry , and a pot of hot tea . Yum ! We spent about two hours over there and had such a wonderful time ! We plan to go back soon . I was up at 6 a . m . this morning ( couldn 't stay in bed any longer ) and so I began sewing on the quilt again . I simply must finish it soon , so that I can send it to grandson , Matt , even though he won 't get it by Christmas , maybe by the first of the year I can send it to him . Our neighbor , Scott , has been working in our basement getting ready to add a bedroom , bath , and maybe a family room . We will be able to have company then to come and visit and have a place for them to sleep instead of them having to check into a motel . Wouldn 't that be great ? Mark is having the work done for us . Speaking again of the wind , it seemed like it was going to blow away everything not nailed down outside and if it could have gotten inside , no doubt it could have blown away stuff from inside the house . Ha . Ha . You should have seen the windchimes moving around . They were spinning like whirling dervishes . I was wondering if it would pick up my cracker barrel rockers and rock them on down the driveway , but it didn 't . The sign hanging on my awning that tells the house number kept swinging like crazy , and but for the chains holding it , it would have sailed across the road toward the horses in the field . The wind must have made the horses invigorated , because they seemed to haPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Well , we got a big day of doin 's today . Not really , but we do need to get going soon . I just got up about 7 : 30 this morning and took my Nexium ( for acid reflux - probably more than you wanted to know ) so since it is almost 8 : 30 , I can have my breakfast of cold cereal and read a few chapters in my current paperback book . Yesterday morning , I took our friend ( and surrogate son - in - law ) to have a medical procedure done and everything seemed to come out okay . He was weak from having drunk liquids all day the day before , but after we left the local hospital I took him to Perkins ' Restaurant and we had breakfast . We took some gravy , biscuits and sausage to Gramps and he was just taking his blood sugar test and was ready to eat . ( It was noon and he should jolly well have been up and ready to eat . ) After he had his breakfast , I had to run back into Jefferson City and drop off an obituary to put into the local paper , and then pick up some finger food stuff to take to the Unique Antiques today . That is what our church senior citizens group is named . We will be going down to the church today and eating finger foods and swapping " white elephant " gifts . Of course , we make a game of it , where anyone who picks out a gift , can exchange it for one that has already been selected . You know how that goes , I am sure . It is a lot of fun . Sometimes the same gift gets passed around a whole lot . Gramps always enjoys that game , so he is willing to go ( or at least last night he was ) . After I picked up the food preps stuff for today , I was able to sit down and work on the quilt and do the finishing touches on a couple of more squares before the day was over . I need to stop now , and get Gramps up , have our breakfast , get him and myself cleaned up and ready to go . That will probably take the better part of two hours , which will only leave us about thirty minutes before time to go . Also , there is laundry to do today sometime and oh , you know the kind of things that just need to be done during any given day . Thank you all for all the wellPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Well , today is Tuesday and it is not long until Wednesday begins . Hopefully , I will be in bed before it begins ( but not by much , I am sure ) . We had a lovely day today . I worked this morning on Matt 's quilt for awhile after I got up and had breakfast and took my shower . Then at 11 : 00 a . m . I got Gramps up so he could get ready to go to the Cracker Barrel for breakfast to meet our nephew , David , and his wife , Andrea . Mark came over for awhile this morning and sat and chatted with me for awhile . He is having some work done in our basement by our neighbor , Scott . Scott is sealing the basement walls with a sealer that contains paint . It is really looking good , and he will be doing some more work down there and also will be closing in the back of our carport so that it will no longer be like a wind tunnel . About noon , Gramps and I left and went to the Cracker Barrel and had a very nice visit with David and Andrea . David and Gramps had breakfast and Andrea and I had lunch . We then went on into Knoxville and had a lovely visit with Hugh and Imazoe . Hugh is still considering the prospect of going on dialysis , maybe . David and Andrea had to head back to Arizona this evening and Peggy , Jeff 's wife , drove them to the airport to catch their flight . Peggy was telling us that Jeff is feeling really bad with the inner ear infection that has not cleared up yet . We are not sure as to when that whole thing is going to be better . Neither are they . After Peggy , David , and Andrea left , Imazoe made us some coffee and shared some delicious yellow cake with chocolate frosting . Yum ! I asked her where it came from and she told us that her sister , Barbara , had made it and brought it with her and their sister , Dorothy , when they came to visit last week . I happened to notice in the kitchen a little later that we had the last of it , because the pan was empty . Great going , Barbara ! That was really delicious ! Thank you so very much , Imazoe , for sharing that good stuff with us ! Well , I better hurry with this if I am going to be in bed beforPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Today 's posting is dedicated to my brother , John , who went to be with the Lord in the early morning hours of December 14th , 2008 . John was born on a cold February 25th , 1936 . He was delivered at home in a house that belonged to the company that my parents worked for , The Holston Knitting Mill . John was delivered by the same doctor who had delivered his brother , Hugh , in 1928 , and his sister , Ruby , in 1933 . The doctor pronounced John to weigh seventeen pounds , and thus began John 's journey in this world . John was the sixth and last live birth to our parents , James and Cecil . When John was about sixteen months old , he became very ill and lost so many pounds that my parents thought he was going to die , and my mom took a picture of him , so that she would have it to record his being here . When they killed hogs , she made cracklings from the fat ( made by cooking down the fat , and keeping what was left when the grease was poured off ) . She kept them in a dishpan in a lower cabinet . John got into the cracklings ( called cracklin 's , you know in the south , we often drop the g 's ) and had big handfuls of them , eating them . Mom said , " Oh , Lordy , he 's going to die for sure , now ! " But he began to get better , and survived . As John grew older , his personality developed and he was the only one of her six children that Cecil could not bend their will to hers . He was stubborn to the nth degree . He maintained that characteristic throughout his life . Once he set his mind to a course , he did not easily change it or have it changed . John had a great capacity for compassion , but did not easily reveal that to others . John was a loner , and I believe , shy about always revealing his feelings . Our mother was not a hugger , or kisser , so we didn 't really learn how to do those things . We had no model for them . Our cousin , Norma , was only two years younger than John , and her little brother , Fred , was about four years younger . Fred and Norma are the children of Bill and Mae . Bill is the oldest child in our family . The four of us grew up togetGrammy Hey , Y ' all , Well , here it is Sunday afternoon , ( barely ) , and Gramps is sawing logs and i have been chatting online with daughter , Teresa , and having a great time of it . Last night Gramps and I motored over to Puleo 's Grill and had supper ( some people call it dinner , but then , they didn 't grow up in the south as we who eat supper did ) . We shared the meal with my brother , Hugh , his wife , Imazoe , their sons , David and Jeff , and their wives - Andrea and Peggy , and our sister - in - law , Mae . The nine of us had a lovely time and were quite filled when we went over to the motel behind Puleo 's and chatted for a while together . Why in the motel lobby ? Because that is where David and Andrea are staying while visiting from Arizona where they live . I took a few pictures ( of course ) and am sharing them with you , my friends . Picture no . 1 - Grammy , Gramps , Mae ( in back are David and Andrea ) Picture no . 2 . - Hugh and ImazoePicture no . 3 . - Jeff and PeggyPicture no . 4 . - Imazoe and Hugh , David and Jeff in back . This morning , I received a call from my sister - in - law , Darlene , married to my brother , John and living in Phoenix . She called to let me know that John passed away last night . He passed peacefully in his sleep . The last thing she heard him say was apparently in his sleep he was dreaming and talking . He was laughing and saying , " that was a good one " like someone had just told him a joke . Then he became very quiet and she knew he was resting , so she lay down for awhile to rest . When she got up and checked on him , she saw that he had passed on in his sleep . Our prayers go out to Darlene , and their children , Becky ; Kevin and wife Erica ; and Mark ; and grandson , Kevin James , son of Kevin and Erica . I will not be going to the funeral , nor will Hugh , but our hearts are there with them in this time of sorrow , and yes , of joy , knowing that John is at rest with our Lord and Saviour , Jesus . Tomorrow 's post will be pictures and stories about John and growing up with him . This leaves only Hugh and I of eight family members . This is Blabbin ' GramPosted by Hey , Y ' all , One of my nieces sent this to me the other day , via e - mail , and of course , it is one of those circulated items that everyone gets at one time or another . If you have already read it , just please excuse my repeating it . Thanks . 25 Reasons I Owe My Mother ( some of these I really heard from my mom , and some I didn 't ) . 1 . My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . ' If you 're going to kill each other , do it outside . I just finished cleaning . ' 2 . My mother taught me RELIGION . ' You better pray that will come out of the carpet . ' 3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL . ' If you don 't straighten up , I 'm going to knock you into the middle of next week . ' 4 . My mother taught me LOGIC . ' Because I said so , that 's why . ' 5 . My mother taught me MORE LOGIC . ' If you fall out of that swing and break your neck , you 're not going to the store with me . " 6 . My mother taught me FORESIGHT . ' Make sure you wear clean underwear , in case you are in an accident . ' 7 . My mother taught me IRONY . ' Keep crying and I 'll really give you something to cry about . ' 8 . My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS . ' Shut your mouth and eat your supper . ' 9 . My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM . ' Would you look at that dirt on the back of your neck ! ' 10 . My mother taught me about STAMINA . ' You 'll sit there till all that spinach is gone . ' 11 . My mother taught me about WEATHER . ' That room of yours looks like a tornado went through it . ' 12 . My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY . ' If I told you once , I 've told you a hundred times ; don 't exaggerate ! ' 13 . My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE . ' I brought you into this world ; I can take you out ! ' 14 . My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION . ' Stop acting like your father ! ' 15 . My mother taught me about ENVY . ' There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don 't have wonderful parents like you do . ' 16 . My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . ' Just wait till we get home . ' 17 . My mother taught me about RECEIVING . ' You are going to get it when we get home . ' 18 . My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE . ' If you dPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Yep , no snow , and was I really glad ! It has been a busy day , though . When I realized this morning when I woke up that the ground was dry and the weather clear , I knew I could get my Christmas shopping finished if I was diligent enough . After breakfast , I told Gramps ( who was still abed ) that I would be back later . Then I put on my heavy coat ( actually one belonging to Gramps ) , and headed out the door . I went to Walgreens for some purchases , then on to Lowe 's and Walmart . When I got home two hours later , Gramps was up and looking for breakfast . He had a wild story for me about going to a lower floor and seeing a lot of stuff piled up and a girl was down there . I figured he had either had a very realistic dream or had come into the kitchen and saw the pile of stuff in the floor that I had purchased and not wrapped . Anyway , he had breakfast and I had lunch . I began then wrapping gifts to ready them for sending off tomorrow . Then Darlene called to tell me that John is sinking fast and may not last through the weekend . I just pray that he will go peacefully without pain . I know he is ready to go , and he will soon be at peace . What a reunion he will have with my sister , two brothers and our parents ! Yesterday , I told you about the craft I had made . I decided to give it to our new neighbors who moved in next door a couple of months ago . Scott , the husband and father of the family , was here installing some handgrips for Gramps to use in the bathroom . Mark had asked him to do that for us . It was raining cats and dogs ( they almost stepped into a poodle , I think ) . Scott and the two younger children came back later and brought our mail up from our box down on the road . They told me how much they liked the little ornament tree , and of course , I was very glad that they liked it . My brother , Hugh , who lives in Knoxville , went to his nephrologist today , and had the amount of lasix that he takes increased to help take care of the fluid that has gathered in his body . Hugh is quite often in pain when he walks , caused by shoGrammy Hey , Y ' all , Did your cell phone ever wake you up in the morning ? Mine did , about 6 : 30 this morning . It was in my purse , in the kitchen , where I place it when I come in thru the back door . I awakened to the sound of the music and couldn 't figure out where the music was coming from . Finally , when I had it figured out , and jumped out of bed , ( yes , I can still get up quickly when it is called for ) , and ran to get it , it stopped playing its little tune . I listened to the message , and it was some person calling apparently someone they thought was a credit card company or a business . Anyway , I decided they didn 't want me . I decided to just stay up and proceeded to begin my day . I threw on my housecoat , and would you believe , I am still in my housecoat . I decided that I would go out and bring in my purchases from yesterday from the car . I was just too tired yesterday afternoon to bring them in . After taking my anti - reflux medication so I could eat breakfast in an hour , I went out and brought in the purchases . It took several trips . Then , I decided that I would do the craft project . I gathered my materials : glue gun , glue sticks , a styrofoam cone , 3 packages of shatterproof tree ornaments ( balls ) , a 50 foot length of garland , a clay pot , and rocks to fill the clay pot so it would make it heavy and a solid base . I used my glue gun to glue the ornaments onto the styrofoam cone . After I had them on , I wrapped the garland around between them to fill in the white empty spaces . Also , before I glued the ornaments on , I removed the little caps that you attach hooks to , to hang them on trees . I stuck the balls into the styrofoam using the point of the ball , removed the ball , filled the hole in the styrofoam with glue , then put the ball back into the glue . I held the ball in the glue for a minute and wa - la , it was attached . When I had finished decorating the styrofoam cone , I filled the clay pot with rocks from my driveway , and then glued the base of the cone into the top of the clay pot . I had some gold plastic garland made of stars oPosted by Hey , Y ' all , It was indeed a warm day and I enjoyed it thoroughly ! This morning , I awakened to the sound of birds outside my window . They were telling me to get up and get out . I said , " Of course , I will ! " Gramps actually got up this morning around 8 : 30 a . m . and I was again pleased to see him up and ready to have his cereal and coffee . We had a pleasant breakfast and I cleaned the kitchen and got ready to work a while on the quilt . Our friend , Mark , came over and watched an old movie with Kirk Douglas in it . He visited with us for awhile and then Gramps and I had a sandwich for lunch . After lunch , I was ready to go to Morristown to get more of my Christmas shopping done . I left around 1 : 00 p . m . and walked around inside Pier One , Ross , Hobby Lobby , and then Walmart . Man ! I was about ready to collapse when I got back into my car . When I got back into Jefferson City , I stopped at Burger King and picked up a couple of chicken sandwiches . Imagine my complete lack of surprise when I saw that Gramps had been " grazing " while I was out . Consequently , he didn 't finish his fries and sandwich , so I had to wrap them and put them in the fridge . But I am thankful that he is once again eating like he used to . He has his appetite back . He is no longer sleeping all the time like he was a few weeks ago . He was on the drugs Aricept and Namenda , taking the lowest possible dosage . I took him off of them about two weeks or so ago , and now he is reacting normally . He had lost his appetite , was having nightmares , and hallucinations . I would prefer to have him not remembering stuff instead of off his mental rocker . I got the rest of the materials today for my " craft project " and will work on it tomorrow . It shouldn 't take too long to do it . Then i will take a picture if it turns out well , or maybe even if it doesn 't . It would be something to joke about and laugh about . I am not above laughing at myself . I have provided some of the best laughs about me over the years . While I was in the parking lot this afternoon , I looked up and saw lots of sePosted by Hey , Y ' all , Today began early . . . up at 6 a . m . to get ready to go see the eye doctor in Morristown . I left the house at 7 : 30 and motored on up to Morristown and of course , had trouble locating the office because I had never been there before . After circling the block the second time , I finally decided it was where I had thought to begin with . Could someone please tell me why it is that the actual location never looks like it does on the map they send you ? I did have good news after the doctor examined my eyes . He feels that I don 't need a cornea transplant ( Praise God ! ) . He explained to me that all I need right now is to have my right eye zapped with lasering to break up the secondary membrane that is covering the lens that I had implanted in 2001 . He also explained that I have some lumpy growth on my cornea , that can be removed when it needs to be , and also some stuff behind my cornea that can be removed when it needs to be . None of the surgeries are complicated and can be done in his office . I made an appointment to have the laser zapping done in January . I had already had that done to my left eye a short time ago . After I left the doctor 's office , mentally singing thanks to the Lord , I went home and found that Gramps had already arisen , dressed , and was getting ready to eat his breakfast . I sat and talked with him , and prepared his insulin shot that he has to take each day . I heated some coffee for him , and then we left after a while and headed into Knoxville . Imazo and I went shopping this afternoon and had a great time . Then we went back to her home and picked up the guys , and went to Cracker Barrel to have our late lunch / early supper . My brother , Hugh , is not doing real well . He is having great difficulty walking , and it takes a lot of effort for him to walk any distance , even with his walker . He is going to see his kidney doctor again on Friday to see if there is anything else that can be done . I expect he doubts that there is anything else that can be done . Our brother , John , in Arizona , is not doing well , eiPosted by Blogs are so much fun ! If you enjoy a blog entry , and would like to leave a comment , notice that at the bottom of each blog entry is are the words , " 0 comments " or " 2 comments " , reflecting how many comments people have made . Sometimes people comment on the entry , sometimes they even comment on each other 's comments ! Some polite rules for comments are no unkind words , say nice or humorous things or refrain from commenting , no profanity ( which I wouldn 't expect out of my friends , anyway ! ) , and don 't use other people 's last names , because some folks don 't like their names made public . To comment , just click on the " 0 comments " line , and it will take you to a place to comment . Write your comment in the space they provide . Then you have to " log in " . If you don 't have a google account , just click on the link to getting an account . It 's free . . . . will not cost you anything at all . After you write your comment and sign in , say , " Publish your comment " , and you 've blogged ! Enjoy ! |
Hey , Y ' all ! Well , it is almost over , isn 't it ? Many people think of New Year 's resolutions on this last day of the year . I never bother to make them , because I know it is a foolish gesture because they are almost always things that we have attempted to accompllish before and never could . Actually , each new day is a virtual new beginning for each of us , if we choose to do so . This morning , I had a good cry thinking about my little brother , John , who was laid to rest on Monday , December 29th . I was thinking about how we spent so many years walking to school together , talking about things , and just generally enjoying each other 's company . I remembered how he enjoyed telling or listening to a good joke . I thought about how we laughed together over those times in later years and how we won 't be doing that anymore . His wife , Darlene , had sent me an e - mail telling me how they had buried his ashes in the National Military Cemetary on Monday , and how the Military had given him the 21 gun salute , played taps and gave her the American Flag in his memory . Thinking about all those things really brought it home to me , that he really is gone from this life . I know I shall miss him terribly in the years to come . All my brothers served our country in the United States Army , and so far , three of them have been laid to their final resting place . I miss them all . I look forward to the time when I will see them again . What does all this have to do with a Happy New Year ? Well , although they are gone , there are those who are still here and Gramps and I intend on enjoying our time here as long as we can . Gramps actually got up this morning at around 10 : 30 or so . Hallelujah ! He probably heard the activity going on outside our back door , although that is not necessarily true . I groused at him a little bit yesterday about staying in bed until 4 : 30 yesterday . Anyway , the noise outside the back door was our neighbor putting a ramp outside the back door for us to use so that Gramps can get out without my having a nervous breakdown trying to get Grammy Hey , Y ' all , Our daughter , Carol , each year composes a letter to tell of their year , and her two daughter 's - in - law do the same thing . This is mine and Gramps letter this year . So here goes : We began our year with the laying to rest of my sister , Margaret . You may ask , " how does that make you feel blessed ? " We feel blessed for having known her and having her in our lives . Margaret loved the Lord , and she lived her faith for all to see . She did not flaunt her faith , but lived it quietly . She was a good role model , and she is sorely missed . Many times I have things I would like to talk to her about and questions that only she could answer . Gramps and I moved into a new home January of this year and we continue to be blessed by that . We are living on land that once belonged to my family , and the portion we live on was sold to a neighbor in 1963 so that I could begin my college education at Carson - Newman . Our good friends , Mark and Allie ( our adoptive children ) , bought the land back from descendants of the neighbor that my parents sold it to . We continue to be blessed just knowing Mark and Allie . We feel like we have come home at last . We feel blessed by the new additions to our family this year . We added three great grandchildren this year . Our grandson , Will , and his wife , Tasha , had a baby girl , Alyssa Peige , born on January 9th . She is beautiful in the pictures we have seen . We have not yet seen her in person . I have a picture of her grandmother , Teresa , holding Alyssa as wallpaper on my computer . I am filled with love when I look at the two of them . We feel blessed by the addition of Elizabeth Maria - Vanessa , to our family by way of adoption in January . Our grandson , Daniel , and his wife , Whitney , adopted her as their fourth child . She is beautiful and we got to meet her and hold her in August of this year . To know her , is to love her . We feel blessed in having her brothers and sister as great grandchildren , as well . Our hearts swell with pride and love for them . We feel blessed by the addition of Alyssa Faith , born to Grammy Hey , Y ' all , Well , as I promised a couple of days ago , here are some more pics from our get together at my brother , Hugh 's , house . Now , I can 't tell you who all the people are right now , but when I can get all the names , I will come back and edit this posting and identify all . I will have to get ID 's from those who know . Probably Imazo will be able to tell me , when I can get prints made . All I can tell you right now , is that we had a wonderful time meeting and eating together . I know my sister , Margaret , could have told me also . I would like to mention here , ( in her memory ) , that she would have enjoyed the get together tremendously . She was a very outgoing social person , who got along famously with others . Today is the one year anniversary of her passing on to Glory . We miss her . Well , Gramps is still abed , and I am going to try to entice him to get up by making a " breakfast " like he enjoys . I may even make some sausage gravy to go with his ham , eggs , and biscuits . He has so little that he enjoys doing these days . Well , yeah , I do enjoy that kind of breakfast as well , and it is Sunday morning and the day stretches before me . I will be taking down the few Christmas decorations today that are up . Wreath on the front door , lights on the mantel , and small tree on the living room end table . That 's it . Empty boxes and unused wrapping paper to the basement along with the decorations . Then , Christmas is over . It was beautiful while it lasted . Laundry to finish also ( just drying what I washed yesterday . BTW , it was so beautiful yesterday , that I got Gramps out and went to Knoxville to visit with Hugh and Imazo . I also took him what I could find on the internet about a low phosphorous diet . He got the blood report back from the doctor 's office and it appears that his phosporous level is too high . While we were there , I took Imazo to the store so she could exchange his pants she had gotten him for Christmas , because they were too small around the waist . His illness has caused him to have so much fluid in his body that he is laGrammy Hey , Y ' all , I hope you had a really great Christmas this year . Ours was a lot of fun with friends and " family " . The family we spent the day with yesterday is so dear to us , we consider them a part of our family . I spent about an hour online chatting with our daughter , Teresa , who didn 't get to go visit grandchildren , and I was so sorry to hear that she and Tom couldn 't go see them . We did enjoy the time we got to spend chatting . ( As we always do ) . We left here Christmas Day about 11 : 15 a . m . and headed over to Mark and Allie 's , who live only about 5 or 6 minutes away . There were a lot of people at Mark and Allie 's . Besides Mark , Allie , Gramps and me , there were their three daughters , Sarah ( who lives in California ) and her fiance , Josh ; Jessie and her friend , Travis ; Rachael and her fiance , Jason ; Jason 's two children , Connor , and Cassidy ; and our honorary grandchildren from Taiwan , Jennifer and Nelson . You can see from the pile of gifts under the tree that there were a lot of them . We began opening gifts at noon , and of course , only one gift was opened at a time . If you can believe it , at 2 : 30 in the afternoon , we were still not quite through opening gifts . The paper , ribbons , bows and boxes literally flew as gifts were opened . We finally had dinner / supper at 4 p . m . It was quite a spread , and Allie did herself proud . We had baked ham , roast turkey , green beans , niblet corn , stuffing , hot rolls , ham gravy , and turkey gravy , deviled eggs , sparkling cider , mashed potatoes , and other foods I just can 't remember . That doesn 't include the desserts which came about two hours after the dinner . My sister - in - law , Mae , had called me earlier in the day and was telling me about the disaster that had come her way . She had intended her children and grandchildren and great grandchildren to come to her home for Christmas dinner . Mae is 89 and had prepared the turkey to go into the oven ( on Wednesday ) and also had made casseroles to cook in the oven . She had her table set with plates , silverware , candles , the whole deal . She turned Grammy Hey , Y ' all , Merry Christmas to all of youse guys and gals , This is , of course , Christmas Eve , and I was up at 8 a . m . today , because I slept in and my back was in pain . When I got up , I immediately smeared some Bio - freeze on my back and it helped some . I haven 't posted for a few days and realized I needed to do so . I have been a little busy with stuff and going and doing . A couple of days it was just too cold to get out , so I utililized that time working on Matt 's quilt ( which I had hoped to get to him for Christmas , but had to send him a promissory note instead ) . I also cooked some dried apples yesterday , in preparation for making some fried apple pies . I sweetened the apples with splenda so that Gramps , Mark , and Allie could eat them without worrying about sugar . This morning , I got up and decided it was time to make them . You will notice from the picture how small they are . I purchased some of the ready made crusts that come rolled up and rolled the crust a little thinner ( I used aluminum foil to roll them on ) . With the use of aluminum foil , you don 't have to use flour to roll them . I then used my largest biscuit cutter to cut the circles , put about a teaspoon of apple filling into the center of the circle . ( I always add cinnamon and cloves to the filling when hot , after draining water out of cooked apples ) . After putting the filling on the center of the cutout crust , I put another circle of dough on top , and then using my index finger , I carefully crimped the edges of the crusts together . Then , using a salad fork ( shorter tines , you know ) , I pressed the edges with it all the way around , then pricked the center in a couple of places to allow steam to escape from inside , and put them into a skillet with some butter - flavored crisco already in it , and melted . The skillet should be hot when the pies are put in and they only need a couple of minutes before turning them over . Cook till golden brown , remove , and eat as you wish . Yesterday , I went into Knoxville to take Imazo anywhere she needed to go . I really enjoyed siGrammy Hey Y ' all , Everything is very quiet here today , ( except for the television in the living room running at full blast , since Gramps is really getting hard of hearing ) . I actually didn 't get up for good until nearly 9 a . m . We went into Knoxville yesterday afternoon to get together with family and when we left it was storming a whole lot ! It was quite difficult driving through the rain , because the water was all over the highway , and falling in sheets ( maybe even a few pillowcases ) . I was so tense while driving that sometime in the middle of the night I woke up with cramps in both legs and so I just lay quietly hoping the cramps would go away , and eventually they did . When I got up at seven to make a pit stop , I went back to bed and didn 't wake up again until almost 9 a . m . When I got up at 9 this morning , I remembered I had promised Gramps last night that I would " make breakfast " this morning . Thus , I proceeded to do so , and got him up at nearly 10 to eat . Last night at Hugh 's , we had a wonderfully delicious supper that I know Imazoe must have worked all day in the kitchen to prepare . Yum ! The menu consisted of : Mac and Cheese ; mashed potatoes , green beans , ham , turkey , rolls , chicken planks , and topped off with cake and ice cream . She also had all kinds of things to drink ( nope , no alcoholic beverages - our family doesn 't do those ) . She had invited a lot of people , some of whom Gramps and I had never met , but they were on the family side of Peggy , Jeff 's wife ( a dear lady , by the way ) . There will be pictures when I get them sent to me . There will also be more about the get - together when I do get them . I do know we all had a wonderful time . I have one picture of the get together that I would like to post . It is a picture of Hugh , his son , Jeff , and Jeff 's sons , Jonathan , Andrew , and Thomas . As you may be able to tell , Tom and Jon are twins . Andrew is the oldest son and is married . The twins are still single . There are also a couple of pictures I wish to post that are of the new used furniture that I got yesterday from Posted by Hey , Y ' all , Well , here it is Saturday , and I am just now getting to posting about our Senior Citizens " Unique Antiques " Christmas Party at our church on Thursday . We had a really great time ! We had lots of food ( a priority , you know ) to nibble on after we sat around and chatted with one another in a circle of chairs , waiting for everyone to arrive . After we ate , we once again sat in the circle and began the fun and games . Our director , Judy , had planned well . The first thing we did was to write on a piece of paper 3 things we liked to do . The papers were then folded up and taken up . Judy then went around and one by one , each of us chose and read out loud what was on the paper . The group members then tried to guess who had written it . When it was correctly guessed , another person chose one to read . Judy then started a gift around . It had several individual layers of wrapping paper on it . She played music as we passed it around , and then when the music stopped , the person holding the gift would take one layer of the paper off of the gift . Then it would be passed again in the opposite direction until the music stopped , etc . The person taking off the last layer of the gift wrapping would get to keep the gift . Then she passed paper and pencils around and on the paper was written the words Merry Christmas . The letters were vertically written on the paper with a line after each letter . We were given 90 seconds to write as many words as we could beginning with each of the letters in Merry Christmas . I came up with 40 words as did some of the others . I think 41 was the top number of words . Judy then started a santa 's stocking with small objects inside it . We were each given 30 seconds to reach in and feel , to determine what the objects were . After 30 seconds we had to pass it on to the next person to feel inside it , while we wrote on the paper what we thought was inside the stocking . That was great fun , too . The objects inside were : plastic spoon and fork , bell , police car , beads , marble , ( can 't remember the rest of them ) Posted by Hey , Y ' all , I know I haven 't posted yet about the Unique Antiques meeting yesterday , but I haven 't downloaded the pics yet . I will do that in the morning and do the post about it . The wind today was ferocious ! I 'll bet if I had stood in the wind for very long , I might be in the next county by now . AH Ha . Just joking ! But it was very strong and cold . It knocked out the electricity in town and out here in the country and over in the next county . My friend , Judy , her mom , Marion , and I went over into the next county to a lovely little tearoom and had lunch . What a lovely treat that was ! I had loaded potato soup , a half sandwich of chicken salad on puff pastry , and a pot of hot tea . Yum ! We spent about two hours over there and had such a wonderful time ! We plan to go back soon . I was up at 6 a . m . this morning ( couldn 't stay in bed any longer ) and so I began sewing on the quilt again . I simply must finish it soon , so that I can send it to grandson , Matt , even though he won 't get it by Christmas , maybe by the first of the year I can send it to him . Our neighbor , Scott , has been working in our basement getting ready to add a bedroom , bath , and maybe a family room . We will be able to have company then to come and visit and have a place for them to sleep instead of them having to check into a motel . Wouldn 't that be great ? Mark is having the work done for us . Speaking again of the wind , it seemed like it was going to blow away everything not nailed down outside and if it could have gotten inside , no doubt it could have blown away stuff from inside the house . Ha . Ha . You should have seen the windchimes moving around . They were spinning like whirling dervishes . I was wondering if it would pick up my cracker barrel rockers and rock them on down the driveway , but it didn 't . The sign hanging on my awning that tells the house number kept swinging like crazy , and but for the chains holding it , it would have sailed across the road toward the horses in the field . The wind must have made the horses invigorated , because they seemed to haPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Well , we got a big day of doin 's today . Not really , but we do need to get going soon . I just got up about 7 : 30 this morning and took my Nexium ( for acid reflux - probably more than you wanted to know ) so since it is almost 8 : 30 , I can have my breakfast of cold cereal and read a few chapters in my current paperback book . Yesterday morning , I took our friend ( and surrogate son - in - law ) to have a medical procedure done and everything seemed to come out okay . He was weak from having drunk liquids all day the day before , but after we left the local hospital I took him to Perkins ' Restaurant and we had breakfast . We took some gravy , biscuits and sausage to Gramps and he was just taking his blood sugar test and was ready to eat . ( It was noon and he should jolly well have been up and ready to eat . ) After he had his breakfast , I had to run back into Jefferson City and drop off an obituary to put into the local paper , and then pick up some finger food stuff to take to the Unique Antiques today . That is what our church senior citizens group is named . We will be going down to the church today and eating finger foods and swapping " white elephant " gifts . Of course , we make a game of it , where anyone who picks out a gift , can exchange it for one that has already been selected . You know how that goes , I am sure . It is a lot of fun . Sometimes the same gift gets passed around a whole lot . Gramps always enjoys that game , so he is willing to go ( or at least last night he was ) . After I picked up the food preps stuff for today , I was able to sit down and work on the quilt and do the finishing touches on a couple of more squares before the day was over . I need to stop now , and get Gramps up , have our breakfast , get him and myself cleaned up and ready to go . That will probably take the better part of two hours , which will only leave us about thirty minutes before time to go . Also , there is laundry to do today sometime and oh , you know the kind of things that just need to be done during any given day . Thank you all for all the wellPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Well , today is Tuesday and it is not long until Wednesday begins . Hopefully , I will be in bed before it begins ( but not by much , I am sure ) . We had a lovely day today . I worked this morning on Matt 's quilt for awhile after I got up and had breakfast and took my shower . Then at 11 : 00 a . m . I got Gramps up so he could get ready to go to the Cracker Barrel for breakfast to meet our nephew , David , and his wife , Andrea . Mark came over for awhile this morning and sat and chatted with me for awhile . He is having some work done in our basement by our neighbor , Scott . Scott is sealing the basement walls with a sealer that contains paint . It is really looking good , and he will be doing some more work down there and also will be closing in the back of our carport so that it will no longer be like a wind tunnel . About noon , Gramps and I left and went to the Cracker Barrel and had a very nice visit with David and Andrea . David and Gramps had breakfast and Andrea and I had lunch . We then went on into Knoxville and had a lovely visit with Hugh and Imazoe . Hugh is still considering the prospect of going on dialysis , maybe . David and Andrea had to head back to Arizona this evening and Peggy , Jeff 's wife , drove them to the airport to catch their flight . Peggy was telling us that Jeff is feeling really bad with the inner ear infection that has not cleared up yet . We are not sure as to when that whole thing is going to be better . Neither are they . After Peggy , David , and Andrea left , Imazoe made us some coffee and shared some delicious yellow cake with chocolate frosting . Yum ! I asked her where it came from and she told us that her sister , Barbara , had made it and brought it with her and their sister , Dorothy , when they came to visit last week . I happened to notice in the kitchen a little later that we had the last of it , because the pan was empty . Great going , Barbara ! That was really delicious ! Thank you so very much , Imazoe , for sharing that good stuff with us ! Well , I better hurry with this if I am going to be in bed beforPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Today 's posting is dedicated to my brother , John , who went to be with the Lord in the early morning hours of December 14th , 2008 . John was born on a cold February 25th , 1936 . He was delivered at home in a house that belonged to the company that my parents worked for , The Holston Knitting Mill . John was delivered by the same doctor who had delivered his brother , Hugh , in 1928 , and his sister , Ruby , in 1933 . The doctor pronounced John to weigh seventeen pounds , and thus began John 's journey in this world . John was the sixth and last live birth to our parents , James and Cecil . When John was about sixteen months old , he became very ill and lost so many pounds that my parents thought he was going to die , and my mom took a picture of him , so that she would have it to record his being here . When they killed hogs , she made cracklings from the fat ( made by cooking down the fat , and keeping what was left when the grease was poured off ) . She kept them in a dishpan in a lower cabinet . John got into the cracklings ( called cracklin 's , you know in the south , we often drop the g 's ) and had big handfuls of them , eating them . Mom said , " Oh , Lordy , he 's going to die for sure , now ! " But he began to get better , and survived . As John grew older , his personality developed and he was the only one of her six children that Cecil could not bend their will to hers . He was stubborn to the nth degree . He maintained that characteristic throughout his life . Once he set his mind to a course , he did not easily change it or have it changed . John had a great capacity for compassion , but did not easily reveal that to others . John was a loner , and I believe , shy about always revealing his feelings . Our mother was not a hugger , or kisser , so we didn 't really learn how to do those things . We had no model for them . Our cousin , Norma , was only two years younger than John , and her little brother , Fred , was about four years younger . Fred and Norma are the children of Bill and Mae . Bill is the oldest child in our family . The four of us grew up togetGrammy Hey , Y ' all , Well , here it is Sunday afternoon , ( barely ) , and Gramps is sawing logs and i have been chatting online with daughter , Teresa , and having a great time of it . Last night Gramps and I motored over to Puleo 's Grill and had supper ( some people call it dinner , but then , they didn 't grow up in the south as we who eat supper did ) . We shared the meal with my brother , Hugh , his wife , Imazoe , their sons , David and Jeff , and their wives - Andrea and Peggy , and our sister - in - law , Mae . The nine of us had a lovely time and were quite filled when we went over to the motel behind Puleo 's and chatted for a while together . Why in the motel lobby ? Because that is where David and Andrea are staying while visiting from Arizona where they live . I took a few pictures ( of course ) and am sharing them with you , my friends . Picture no . 1 - Grammy , Gramps , Mae ( in back are David and Andrea ) Picture no . 2 . - Hugh and ImazoePicture no . 3 . - Jeff and PeggyPicture no . 4 . - Imazoe and Hugh , David and Jeff in back . This morning , I received a call from my sister - in - law , Darlene , married to my brother , John and living in Phoenix . She called to let me know that John passed away last night . He passed peacefully in his sleep . The last thing she heard him say was apparently in his sleep he was dreaming and talking . He was laughing and saying , " that was a good one " like someone had just told him a joke . Then he became very quiet and she knew he was resting , so she lay down for awhile to rest . When she got up and checked on him , she saw that he had passed on in his sleep . Our prayers go out to Darlene , and their children , Becky ; Kevin and wife Erica ; and Mark ; and grandson , Kevin James , son of Kevin and Erica . I will not be going to the funeral , nor will Hugh , but our hearts are there with them in this time of sorrow , and yes , of joy , knowing that John is at rest with our Lord and Saviour , Jesus . Tomorrow 's post will be pictures and stories about John and growing up with him . This leaves only Hugh and I of eight family members . This is Blabbin ' GramPosted by Hey , Y ' all , One of my nieces sent this to me the other day , via e - mail , and of course , it is one of those circulated items that everyone gets at one time or another . If you have already read it , just please excuse my repeating it . Thanks . 25 Reasons I Owe My Mother ( some of these I really heard from my mom , and some I didn 't ) . 1 . My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . ' If you 're going to kill each other , do it outside . I just finished cleaning . ' 2 . My mother taught me RELIGION . ' You better pray that will come out of the carpet . ' 3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL . ' If you don 't straighten up , I 'm going to knock you into the middle of next week . ' 4 . My mother taught me LOGIC . ' Because I said so , that 's why . ' 5 . My mother taught me MORE LOGIC . ' If you fall out of that swing and break your neck , you 're not going to the store with me . " 6 . My mother taught me FORESIGHT . ' Make sure you wear clean underwear , in case you are in an accident . ' 7 . My mother taught me IRONY . ' Keep crying and I 'll really give you something to cry about . ' 8 . My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS . ' Shut your mouth and eat your supper . ' 9 . My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM . ' Would you look at that dirt on the back of your neck ! ' 10 . My mother taught me about STAMINA . ' You 'll sit there till all that spinach is gone . ' 11 . My mother taught me about WEATHER . ' That room of yours looks like a tornado went through it . ' 12 . My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY . ' If I told you once , I 've told you a hundred times ; don 't exaggerate ! ' 13 . My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE . ' I brought you into this world ; I can take you out ! ' 14 . My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION . ' Stop acting like your father ! ' 15 . My mother taught me about ENVY . ' There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don 't have wonderful parents like you do . ' 16 . My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . ' Just wait till we get home . ' 17 . My mother taught me about RECEIVING . ' You are going to get it when we get home . ' 18 . My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE . ' If you dPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Yep , no snow , and was I really glad ! It has been a busy day , though . When I realized this morning when I woke up that the ground was dry and the weather clear , I knew I could get my Christmas shopping finished if I was diligent enough . After breakfast , I told Gramps ( who was still abed ) that I would be back later . Then I put on my heavy coat ( actually one belonging to Gramps ) , and headed out the door . I went to Walgreens for some purchases , then on to Lowe 's and Walmart . When I got home two hours later , Gramps was up and looking for breakfast . He had a wild story for me about going to a lower floor and seeing a lot of stuff piled up and a girl was down there . I figured he had either had a very realistic dream or had come into the kitchen and saw the pile of stuff in the floor that I had purchased and not wrapped . Anyway , he had breakfast and I had lunch . I began then wrapping gifts to ready them for sending off tomorrow . Then Darlene called to tell me that John is sinking fast and may not last through the weekend . I just pray that he will go peacefully without pain . I know he is ready to go , and he will soon be at peace . What a reunion he will have with my sister , two brothers and our parents ! Yesterday , I told you about the craft I had made . I decided to give it to our new neighbors who moved in next door a couple of months ago . Scott , the husband and father of the family , was here installing some handgrips for Gramps to use in the bathroom . Mark had asked him to do that for us . It was raining cats and dogs ( they almost stepped into a poodle , I think ) . Scott and the two younger children came back later and brought our mail up from our box down on the road . They told me how much they liked the little ornament tree , and of course , I was very glad that they liked it . My brother , Hugh , who lives in Knoxville , went to his nephrologist today , and had the amount of lasix that he takes increased to help take care of the fluid that has gathered in his body . Hugh is quite often in pain when he walks , caused by shoGrammy Hey , Y ' all , Did your cell phone ever wake you up in the morning ? Mine did , about 6 : 30 this morning . It was in my purse , in the kitchen , where I place it when I come in thru the back door . I awakened to the sound of the music and couldn 't figure out where the music was coming from . Finally , when I had it figured out , and jumped out of bed , ( yes , I can still get up quickly when it is called for ) , and ran to get it , it stopped playing its little tune . I listened to the message , and it was some person calling apparently someone they thought was a credit card company or a business . Anyway , I decided they didn 't want me . I decided to just stay up and proceeded to begin my day . I threw on my housecoat , and would you believe , I am still in my housecoat . I decided that I would go out and bring in my purchases from yesterday from the car . I was just too tired yesterday afternoon to bring them in . After taking my anti - reflux medication so I could eat breakfast in an hour , I went out and brought in the purchases . It took several trips . Then , I decided that I would do the craft project . I gathered my materials : glue gun , glue sticks , a styrofoam cone , 3 packages of shatterproof tree ornaments ( balls ) , a 50 foot length of garland , a clay pot , and rocks to fill the clay pot so it would make it heavy and a solid base . I used my glue gun to glue the ornaments onto the styrofoam cone . After I had them on , I wrapped the garland around between them to fill in the white empty spaces . Also , before I glued the ornaments on , I removed the little caps that you attach hooks to , to hang them on trees . I stuck the balls into the styrofoam using the point of the ball , removed the ball , filled the hole in the styrofoam with glue , then put the ball back into the glue . I held the ball in the glue for a minute and wa - la , it was attached . When I had finished decorating the styrofoam cone , I filled the clay pot with rocks from my driveway , and then glued the base of the cone into the top of the clay pot . I had some gold plastic garland made of stars oPosted by Hey , Y ' all , It was indeed a warm day and I enjoyed it thoroughly ! This morning , I awakened to the sound of birds outside my window . They were telling me to get up and get out . I said , " Of course , I will ! " Gramps actually got up this morning around 8 : 30 a . m . and I was again pleased to see him up and ready to have his cereal and coffee . We had a pleasant breakfast and I cleaned the kitchen and got ready to work a while on the quilt . Our friend , Mark , came over and watched an old movie with Kirk Douglas in it . He visited with us for awhile and then Gramps and I had a sandwich for lunch . After lunch , I was ready to go to Morristown to get more of my Christmas shopping done . I left around 1 : 00 p . m . and walked around inside Pier One , Ross , Hobby Lobby , and then Walmart . Man ! I was about ready to collapse when I got back into my car . When I got back into Jefferson City , I stopped at Burger King and picked up a couple of chicken sandwiches . Imagine my complete lack of surprise when I saw that Gramps had been " grazing " while I was out . Consequently , he didn 't finish his fries and sandwich , so I had to wrap them and put them in the fridge . But I am thankful that he is once again eating like he used to . He has his appetite back . He is no longer sleeping all the time like he was a few weeks ago . He was on the drugs Aricept and Namenda , taking the lowest possible dosage . I took him off of them about two weeks or so ago , and now he is reacting normally . He had lost his appetite , was having nightmares , and hallucinations . I would prefer to have him not remembering stuff instead of off his mental rocker . I got the rest of the materials today for my " craft project " and will work on it tomorrow . It shouldn 't take too long to do it . Then i will take a picture if it turns out well , or maybe even if it doesn 't . It would be something to joke about and laugh about . I am not above laughing at myself . I have provided some of the best laughs about me over the years . While I was in the parking lot this afternoon , I looked up and saw lots of sePosted by Hey , Y ' all , Today began early . . . up at 6 a . m . to get ready to go see the eye doctor in Morristown . I left the house at 7 : 30 and motored on up to Morristown and of course , had trouble locating the office because I had never been there before . After circling the block the second time , I finally decided it was where I had thought to begin with . Could someone please tell me why it is that the actual location never looks like it does on the map they send you ? I did have good news after the doctor examined my eyes . He feels that I don 't need a cornea transplant ( Praise God ! ) . He explained to me that all I need right now is to have my right eye zapped with lasering to break up the secondary membrane that is covering the lens that I had implanted in 2001 . He also explained that I have some lumpy growth on my cornea , that can be removed when it needs to be , and also some stuff behind my cornea that can be removed when it needs to be . None of the surgeries are complicated and can be done in his office . I made an appointment to have the laser zapping done in January . I had already had that done to my left eye a short time ago . After I left the doctor 's office , mentally singing thanks to the Lord , I went home and found that Gramps had already arisen , dressed , and was getting ready to eat his breakfast . I sat and talked with him , and prepared his insulin shot that he has to take each day . I heated some coffee for him , and then we left after a while and headed into Knoxville . Imazo and I went shopping this afternoon and had a great time . Then we went back to her home and picked up the guys , and went to Cracker Barrel to have our late lunch / early supper . My brother , Hugh , is not doing real well . He is having great difficulty walking , and it takes a lot of effort for him to walk any distance , even with his walker . He is going to see his kidney doctor again on Friday to see if there is anything else that can be done . I expect he doubts that there is anything else that can be done . Our brother , John , in Arizona , is not doing well , eiPosted by Blogs are so much fun ! If you enjoy a blog entry , and would like to leave a comment , notice that at the bottom of each blog entry is are the words , " 0 comments " or " 2 comments " , reflecting how many comments people have made . Sometimes people comment on the entry , sometimes they even comment on each other 's comments ! Some polite rules for comments are no unkind words , say nice or humorous things or refrain from commenting , no profanity ( which I wouldn 't expect out of my friends , anyway ! ) , and don 't use other people 's last names , because some folks don 't like their names made public . To comment , just click on the " 0 comments " line , and it will take you to a place to comment . Write your comment in the space they provide . Then you have to " log in " . If you don 't have a google account , just click on the link to getting an account . It 's free . . . . will not cost you anything at all . After you write your comment and sign in , say , " Publish your comment " , and you 've blogged ! Enjoy ! |
Hey , Y ' all ! Well , it is almost over , isn 't it ? Many people think of New Year 's resolutions on this last day of the year . I never bother to make them , because I know it is a foolish gesture because they are almost always things that we have attempted to accompllish before and never could . Actually , each new day is a virtual new beginning for each of us , if we choose to do so . This morning , I had a good cry thinking about my little brother , John , who was laid to rest on Monday , December 29th . I was thinking about how we spent so many years walking to school together , talking about things , and just generally enjoying each other 's company . I remembered how he enjoyed telling or listening to a good joke . I thought about how we laughed together over those times in later years and how we won 't be doing that anymore . His wife , Darlene , had sent me an e - mail telling me how they had buried his ashes in the National Military Cemetary on Monday , and how the Military had given him the 21 gun salute , played taps and gave her the American Flag in his memory . Thinking about all those things really brought it home to me , that he really is gone from this life . I know I shall miss him terribly in the years to come . All my brothers served our country in the United States Army , and so far , three of them have been laid to their final resting place . I miss them all . I look forward to the time when I will see them again . What does all this have to do with a Happy New Year ? Well , although they are gone , there are those who are still here and Gramps and I intend on enjoying our time here as long as we can . Gramps actually got up this morning at around 10 : 30 or so . Hallelujah ! He probably heard the activity going on outside our back door , although that is not necessarily true . I groused at him a little bit yesterday about staying in bed until 4 : 30 yesterday . Anyway , the noise outside the back door was our neighbor putting a ramp outside the back door for us to use so that Gramps can get out without my having a nervous breakdown trying to get Grammy Hey , Y ' all , Our daughter , Carol , each year composes a letter to tell of their year , and her two daughter 's - in - law do the same thing . This is mine and Gramps letter this year . So here goes : We began our year with the laying to rest of my sister , Margaret . You may ask , " how does that make you feel blessed ? " We feel blessed for having known her and having her in our lives . Margaret loved the Lord , and she lived her faith for all to see . She did not flaunt her faith , but lived it quietly . She was a good role model , and she is sorely missed . Many times I have things I would like to talk to her about and questions that only she could answer . Gramps and I moved into a new home January of this year and we continue to be blessed by that . We are living on land that once belonged to my family , and the portion we live on was sold to a neighbor in 1963 so that I could begin my college education at Carson - Newman . Our good friends , Mark and Allie ( our adoptive children ) , bought the land back from descendants of the neighbor that my parents sold it to . We continue to be blessed just knowing Mark and Allie . We feel like we have come home at last . We feel blessed by the new additions to our family this year . We added three great grandchildren this year . Our grandson , Will , and his wife , Tasha , had a baby girl , Alyssa Peige , born on January 9th . She is beautiful in the pictures we have seen . We have not yet seen her in person . I have a picture of her grandmother , Teresa , holding Alyssa as wallpaper on my computer . I am filled with love when I look at the two of them . We feel blessed by the addition of Elizabeth Maria - Vanessa , to our family by way of adoption in January . Our grandson , Daniel , and his wife , Whitney , adopted her as their fourth child . She is beautiful and we got to meet her and hold her in August of this year . To know her , is to love her . We feel blessed in having her brothers and sister as great grandchildren , as well . Our hearts swell with pride and love for them . We feel blessed by the addition of Alyssa Faith , born to Grammy Hey , Y ' all , Well , as I promised a couple of days ago , here are some more pics from our get together at my brother , Hugh 's , house . Now , I can 't tell you who all the people are right now , but when I can get all the names , I will come back and edit this posting and identify all . I will have to get ID 's from those who know . Probably Imazo will be able to tell me , when I can get prints made . All I can tell you right now , is that we had a wonderful time meeting and eating together . I know my sister , Margaret , could have told me also . I would like to mention here , ( in her memory ) , that she would have enjoyed the get together tremendously . She was a very outgoing social person , who got along famously with others . Today is the one year anniversary of her passing on to Glory . We miss her . Well , Gramps is still abed , and I am going to try to entice him to get up by making a " breakfast " like he enjoys . I may even make some sausage gravy to go with his ham , eggs , and biscuits . He has so little that he enjoys doing these days . Well , yeah , I do enjoy that kind of breakfast as well , and it is Sunday morning and the day stretches before me . I will be taking down the few Christmas decorations today that are up . Wreath on the front door , lights on the mantel , and small tree on the living room end table . That 's it . Empty boxes and unused wrapping paper to the basement along with the decorations . Then , Christmas is over . It was beautiful while it lasted . Laundry to finish also ( just drying what I washed yesterday . BTW , it was so beautiful yesterday , that I got Gramps out and went to Knoxville to visit with Hugh and Imazo . I also took him what I could find on the internet about a low phosphorous diet . He got the blood report back from the doctor 's office and it appears that his phosporous level is too high . While we were there , I took Imazo to the store so she could exchange his pants she had gotten him for Christmas , because they were too small around the waist . His illness has caused him to have so much fluid in his body that he is laGrammy Hey , Y ' all , I hope you had a really great Christmas this year . Ours was a lot of fun with friends and " family " . The family we spent the day with yesterday is so dear to us , we consider them a part of our family . I spent about an hour online chatting with our daughter , Teresa , who didn 't get to go visit grandchildren , and I was so sorry to hear that she and Tom couldn 't go see them . We did enjoy the time we got to spend chatting . ( As we always do ) . We left here Christmas Day about 11 : 15 a . m . and headed over to Mark and Allie 's , who live only about 5 or 6 minutes away . There were a lot of people at Mark and Allie 's . Besides Mark , Allie , Gramps and me , there were their three daughters , Sarah ( who lives in California ) and her fiance , Josh ; Jessie and her friend , Travis ; Rachael and her fiance , Jason ; Jason 's two children , Connor , and Cassidy ; and our honorary grandchildren from Taiwan , Jennifer and Nelson . You can see from the pile of gifts under the tree that there were a lot of them . We began opening gifts at noon , and of course , only one gift was opened at a time . If you can believe it , at 2 : 30 in the afternoon , we were still not quite through opening gifts . The paper , ribbons , bows and boxes literally flew as gifts were opened . We finally had dinner / supper at 4 p . m . It was quite a spread , and Allie did herself proud . We had baked ham , roast turkey , green beans , niblet corn , stuffing , hot rolls , ham gravy , and turkey gravy , deviled eggs , sparkling cider , mashed potatoes , and other foods I just can 't remember . That doesn 't include the desserts which came about two hours after the dinner . My sister - in - law , Mae , had called me earlier in the day and was telling me about the disaster that had come her way . She had intended her children and grandchildren and great grandchildren to come to her home for Christmas dinner . Mae is 89 and had prepared the turkey to go into the oven ( on Wednesday ) and also had made casseroles to cook in the oven . She had her table set with plates , silverware , candles , the whole deal . She turned Grammy Hey , Y ' all , Merry Christmas to all of youse guys and gals , This is , of course , Christmas Eve , and I was up at 8 a . m . today , because I slept in and my back was in pain . When I got up , I immediately smeared some Bio - freeze on my back and it helped some . I haven 't posted for a few days and realized I needed to do so . I have been a little busy with stuff and going and doing . A couple of days it was just too cold to get out , so I utililized that time working on Matt 's quilt ( which I had hoped to get to him for Christmas , but had to send him a promissory note instead ) . I also cooked some dried apples yesterday , in preparation for making some fried apple pies . I sweetened the apples with splenda so that Gramps , Mark , and Allie could eat them without worrying about sugar . This morning , I got up and decided it was time to make them . You will notice from the picture how small they are . I purchased some of the ready made crusts that come rolled up and rolled the crust a little thinner ( I used aluminum foil to roll them on ) . With the use of aluminum foil , you don 't have to use flour to roll them . I then used my largest biscuit cutter to cut the circles , put about a teaspoon of apple filling into the center of the circle . ( I always add cinnamon and cloves to the filling when hot , after draining water out of cooked apples ) . After putting the filling on the center of the cutout crust , I put another circle of dough on top , and then using my index finger , I carefully crimped the edges of the crusts together . Then , using a salad fork ( shorter tines , you know ) , I pressed the edges with it all the way around , then pricked the center in a couple of places to allow steam to escape from inside , and put them into a skillet with some butter - flavored crisco already in it , and melted . The skillet should be hot when the pies are put in and they only need a couple of minutes before turning them over . Cook till golden brown , remove , and eat as you wish . Yesterday , I went into Knoxville to take Imazo anywhere she needed to go . I really enjoyed siGrammy Hey Y ' all , Everything is very quiet here today , ( except for the television in the living room running at full blast , since Gramps is really getting hard of hearing ) . I actually didn 't get up for good until nearly 9 a . m . We went into Knoxville yesterday afternoon to get together with family and when we left it was storming a whole lot ! It was quite difficult driving through the rain , because the water was all over the highway , and falling in sheets ( maybe even a few pillowcases ) . I was so tense while driving that sometime in the middle of the night I woke up with cramps in both legs and so I just lay quietly hoping the cramps would go away , and eventually they did . When I got up at seven to make a pit stop , I went back to bed and didn 't wake up again until almost 9 a . m . When I got up at 9 this morning , I remembered I had promised Gramps last night that I would " make breakfast " this morning . Thus , I proceeded to do so , and got him up at nearly 10 to eat . Last night at Hugh 's , we had a wonderfully delicious supper that I know Imazoe must have worked all day in the kitchen to prepare . Yum ! The menu consisted of : Mac and Cheese ; mashed potatoes , green beans , ham , turkey , rolls , chicken planks , and topped off with cake and ice cream . She also had all kinds of things to drink ( nope , no alcoholic beverages - our family doesn 't do those ) . She had invited a lot of people , some of whom Gramps and I had never met , but they were on the family side of Peggy , Jeff 's wife ( a dear lady , by the way ) . There will be pictures when I get them sent to me . There will also be more about the get - together when I do get them . I do know we all had a wonderful time . I have one picture of the get together that I would like to post . It is a picture of Hugh , his son , Jeff , and Jeff 's sons , Jonathan , Andrew , and Thomas . As you may be able to tell , Tom and Jon are twins . Andrew is the oldest son and is married . The twins are still single . There are also a couple of pictures I wish to post that are of the new used furniture that I got yesterday from Posted by Hey , Y ' all , Well , here it is Saturday , and I am just now getting to posting about our Senior Citizens " Unique Antiques " Christmas Party at our church on Thursday . We had a really great time ! We had lots of food ( a priority , you know ) to nibble on after we sat around and chatted with one another in a circle of chairs , waiting for everyone to arrive . After we ate , we once again sat in the circle and began the fun and games . Our director , Judy , had planned well . The first thing we did was to write on a piece of paper 3 things we liked to do . The papers were then folded up and taken up . Judy then went around and one by one , each of us chose and read out loud what was on the paper . The group members then tried to guess who had written it . When it was correctly guessed , another person chose one to read . Judy then started a gift around . It had several individual layers of wrapping paper on it . She played music as we passed it around , and then when the music stopped , the person holding the gift would take one layer of the paper off of the gift . Then it would be passed again in the opposite direction until the music stopped , etc . The person taking off the last layer of the gift wrapping would get to keep the gift . Then she passed paper and pencils around and on the paper was written the words Merry Christmas . The letters were vertically written on the paper with a line after each letter . We were given 90 seconds to write as many words as we could beginning with each of the letters in Merry Christmas . I came up with 40 words as did some of the others . I think 41 was the top number of words . Judy then started a santa 's stocking with small objects inside it . We were each given 30 seconds to reach in and feel , to determine what the objects were . After 30 seconds we had to pass it on to the next person to feel inside it , while we wrote on the paper what we thought was inside the stocking . That was great fun , too . The objects inside were : plastic spoon and fork , bell , police car , beads , marble , ( can 't remember the rest of them ) Posted by Hey , Y ' all , I know I haven 't posted yet about the Unique Antiques meeting yesterday , but I haven 't downloaded the pics yet . I will do that in the morning and do the post about it . The wind today was ferocious ! I 'll bet if I had stood in the wind for very long , I might be in the next county by now . AH Ha . Just joking ! But it was very strong and cold . It knocked out the electricity in town and out here in the country and over in the next county . My friend , Judy , her mom , Marion , and I went over into the next county to a lovely little tearoom and had lunch . What a lovely treat that was ! I had loaded potato soup , a half sandwich of chicken salad on puff pastry , and a pot of hot tea . Yum ! We spent about two hours over there and had such a wonderful time ! We plan to go back soon . I was up at 6 a . m . this morning ( couldn 't stay in bed any longer ) and so I began sewing on the quilt again . I simply must finish it soon , so that I can send it to grandson , Matt , even though he won 't get it by Christmas , maybe by the first of the year I can send it to him . Our neighbor , Scott , has been working in our basement getting ready to add a bedroom , bath , and maybe a family room . We will be able to have company then to come and visit and have a place for them to sleep instead of them having to check into a motel . Wouldn 't that be great ? Mark is having the work done for us . Speaking again of the wind , it seemed like it was going to blow away everything not nailed down outside and if it could have gotten inside , no doubt it could have blown away stuff from inside the house . Ha . Ha . You should have seen the windchimes moving around . They were spinning like whirling dervishes . I was wondering if it would pick up my cracker barrel rockers and rock them on down the driveway , but it didn 't . The sign hanging on my awning that tells the house number kept swinging like crazy , and but for the chains holding it , it would have sailed across the road toward the horses in the field . The wind must have made the horses invigorated , because they seemed to haPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Well , we got a big day of doin 's today . Not really , but we do need to get going soon . I just got up about 7 : 30 this morning and took my Nexium ( for acid reflux - probably more than you wanted to know ) so since it is almost 8 : 30 , I can have my breakfast of cold cereal and read a few chapters in my current paperback book . Yesterday morning , I took our friend ( and surrogate son - in - law ) to have a medical procedure done and everything seemed to come out okay . He was weak from having drunk liquids all day the day before , but after we left the local hospital I took him to Perkins ' Restaurant and we had breakfast . We took some gravy , biscuits and sausage to Gramps and he was just taking his blood sugar test and was ready to eat . ( It was noon and he should jolly well have been up and ready to eat . ) After he had his breakfast , I had to run back into Jefferson City and drop off an obituary to put into the local paper , and then pick up some finger food stuff to take to the Unique Antiques today . That is what our church senior citizens group is named . We will be going down to the church today and eating finger foods and swapping " white elephant " gifts . Of course , we make a game of it , where anyone who picks out a gift , can exchange it for one that has already been selected . You know how that goes , I am sure . It is a lot of fun . Sometimes the same gift gets passed around a whole lot . Gramps always enjoys that game , so he is willing to go ( or at least last night he was ) . After I picked up the food preps stuff for today , I was able to sit down and work on the quilt and do the finishing touches on a couple of more squares before the day was over . I need to stop now , and get Gramps up , have our breakfast , get him and myself cleaned up and ready to go . That will probably take the better part of two hours , which will only leave us about thirty minutes before time to go . Also , there is laundry to do today sometime and oh , you know the kind of things that just need to be done during any given day . Thank you all for all the wellPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Well , today is Tuesday and it is not long until Wednesday begins . Hopefully , I will be in bed before it begins ( but not by much , I am sure ) . We had a lovely day today . I worked this morning on Matt 's quilt for awhile after I got up and had breakfast and took my shower . Then at 11 : 00 a . m . I got Gramps up so he could get ready to go to the Cracker Barrel for breakfast to meet our nephew , David , and his wife , Andrea . Mark came over for awhile this morning and sat and chatted with me for awhile . He is having some work done in our basement by our neighbor , Scott . Scott is sealing the basement walls with a sealer that contains paint . It is really looking good , and he will be doing some more work down there and also will be closing in the back of our carport so that it will no longer be like a wind tunnel . About noon , Gramps and I left and went to the Cracker Barrel and had a very nice visit with David and Andrea . David and Gramps had breakfast and Andrea and I had lunch . We then went on into Knoxville and had a lovely visit with Hugh and Imazoe . Hugh is still considering the prospect of going on dialysis , maybe . David and Andrea had to head back to Arizona this evening and Peggy , Jeff 's wife , drove them to the airport to catch their flight . Peggy was telling us that Jeff is feeling really bad with the inner ear infection that has not cleared up yet . We are not sure as to when that whole thing is going to be better . Neither are they . After Peggy , David , and Andrea left , Imazoe made us some coffee and shared some delicious yellow cake with chocolate frosting . Yum ! I asked her where it came from and she told us that her sister , Barbara , had made it and brought it with her and their sister , Dorothy , when they came to visit last week . I happened to notice in the kitchen a little later that we had the last of it , because the pan was empty . Great going , Barbara ! That was really delicious ! Thank you so very much , Imazoe , for sharing that good stuff with us ! Well , I better hurry with this if I am going to be in bed beforPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Today 's posting is dedicated to my brother , John , who went to be with the Lord in the early morning hours of December 14th , 2008 . John was born on a cold February 25th , 1936 . He was delivered at home in a house that belonged to the company that my parents worked for , The Holston Knitting Mill . John was delivered by the same doctor who had delivered his brother , Hugh , in 1928 , and his sister , Ruby , in 1933 . The doctor pronounced John to weigh seventeen pounds , and thus began John 's journey in this world . John was the sixth and last live birth to our parents , James and Cecil . When John was about sixteen months old , he became very ill and lost so many pounds that my parents thought he was going to die , and my mom took a picture of him , so that she would have it to record his being here . When they killed hogs , she made cracklings from the fat ( made by cooking down the fat , and keeping what was left when the grease was poured off ) . She kept them in a dishpan in a lower cabinet . John got into the cracklings ( called cracklin 's , you know in the south , we often drop the g 's ) and had big handfuls of them , eating them . Mom said , " Oh , Lordy , he 's going to die for sure , now ! " But he began to get better , and survived . As John grew older , his personality developed and he was the only one of her six children that Cecil could not bend their will to hers . He was stubborn to the nth degree . He maintained that characteristic throughout his life . Once he set his mind to a course , he did not easily change it or have it changed . John had a great capacity for compassion , but did not easily reveal that to others . John was a loner , and I believe , shy about always revealing his feelings . Our mother was not a hugger , or kisser , so we didn 't really learn how to do those things . We had no model for them . Our cousin , Norma , was only two years younger than John , and her little brother , Fred , was about four years younger . Fred and Norma are the children of Bill and Mae . Bill is the oldest child in our family . The four of us grew up togetGrammy Hey , Y ' all , Well , here it is Sunday afternoon , ( barely ) , and Gramps is sawing logs and i have been chatting online with daughter , Teresa , and having a great time of it . Last night Gramps and I motored over to Puleo 's Grill and had supper ( some people call it dinner , but then , they didn 't grow up in the south as we who eat supper did ) . We shared the meal with my brother , Hugh , his wife , Imazoe , their sons , David and Jeff , and their wives - Andrea and Peggy , and our sister - in - law , Mae . The nine of us had a lovely time and were quite filled when we went over to the motel behind Puleo 's and chatted for a while together . Why in the motel lobby ? Because that is where David and Andrea are staying while visiting from Arizona where they live . I took a few pictures ( of course ) and am sharing them with you , my friends . Picture no . 1 - Grammy , Gramps , Mae ( in back are David and Andrea ) Picture no . 2 . - Hugh and ImazoePicture no . 3 . - Jeff and PeggyPicture no . 4 . - Imazoe and Hugh , David and Jeff in back . This morning , I received a call from my sister - in - law , Darlene , married to my brother , John and living in Phoenix . She called to let me know that John passed away last night . He passed peacefully in his sleep . The last thing she heard him say was apparently in his sleep he was dreaming and talking . He was laughing and saying , " that was a good one " like someone had just told him a joke . Then he became very quiet and she knew he was resting , so she lay down for awhile to rest . When she got up and checked on him , she saw that he had passed on in his sleep . Our prayers go out to Darlene , and their children , Becky ; Kevin and wife Erica ; and Mark ; and grandson , Kevin James , son of Kevin and Erica . I will not be going to the funeral , nor will Hugh , but our hearts are there with them in this time of sorrow , and yes , of joy , knowing that John is at rest with our Lord and Saviour , Jesus . Tomorrow 's post will be pictures and stories about John and growing up with him . This leaves only Hugh and I of eight family members . This is Blabbin ' GramPosted by Hey , Y ' all , One of my nieces sent this to me the other day , via e - mail , and of course , it is one of those circulated items that everyone gets at one time or another . If you have already read it , just please excuse my repeating it . Thanks . 25 Reasons I Owe My Mother ( some of these I really heard from my mom , and some I didn 't ) . 1 . My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . ' If you 're going to kill each other , do it outside . I just finished cleaning . ' 2 . My mother taught me RELIGION . ' You better pray that will come out of the carpet . ' 3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL . ' If you don 't straighten up , I 'm going to knock you into the middle of next week . ' 4 . My mother taught me LOGIC . ' Because I said so , that 's why . ' 5 . My mother taught me MORE LOGIC . ' If you fall out of that swing and break your neck , you 're not going to the store with me . " 6 . My mother taught me FORESIGHT . ' Make sure you wear clean underwear , in case you are in an accident . ' 7 . My mother taught me IRONY . ' Keep crying and I 'll really give you something to cry about . ' 8 . My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS . ' Shut your mouth and eat your supper . ' 9 . My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM . ' Would you look at that dirt on the back of your neck ! ' 10 . My mother taught me about STAMINA . ' You 'll sit there till all that spinach is gone . ' 11 . My mother taught me about WEATHER . ' That room of yours looks like a tornado went through it . ' 12 . My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY . ' If I told you once , I 've told you a hundred times ; don 't exaggerate ! ' 13 . My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE . ' I brought you into this world ; I can take you out ! ' 14 . My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION . ' Stop acting like your father ! ' 15 . My mother taught me about ENVY . ' There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don 't have wonderful parents like you do . ' 16 . My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . ' Just wait till we get home . ' 17 . My mother taught me about RECEIVING . ' You are going to get it when we get home . ' 18 . My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE . ' If you dPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Yep , no snow , and was I really glad ! It has been a busy day , though . When I realized this morning when I woke up that the ground was dry and the weather clear , I knew I could get my Christmas shopping finished if I was diligent enough . After breakfast , I told Gramps ( who was still abed ) that I would be back later . Then I put on my heavy coat ( actually one belonging to Gramps ) , and headed out the door . I went to Walgreens for some purchases , then on to Lowe 's and Walmart . When I got home two hours later , Gramps was up and looking for breakfast . He had a wild story for me about going to a lower floor and seeing a lot of stuff piled up and a girl was down there . I figured he had either had a very realistic dream or had come into the kitchen and saw the pile of stuff in the floor that I had purchased and not wrapped . Anyway , he had breakfast and I had lunch . I began then wrapping gifts to ready them for sending off tomorrow . Then Darlene called to tell me that John is sinking fast and may not last through the weekend . I just pray that he will go peacefully without pain . I know he is ready to go , and he will soon be at peace . What a reunion he will have with my sister , two brothers and our parents ! Yesterday , I told you about the craft I had made . I decided to give it to our new neighbors who moved in next door a couple of months ago . Scott , the husband and father of the family , was here installing some handgrips for Gramps to use in the bathroom . Mark had asked him to do that for us . It was raining cats and dogs ( they almost stepped into a poodle , I think ) . Scott and the two younger children came back later and brought our mail up from our box down on the road . They told me how much they liked the little ornament tree , and of course , I was very glad that they liked it . My brother , Hugh , who lives in Knoxville , went to his nephrologist today , and had the amount of lasix that he takes increased to help take care of the fluid that has gathered in his body . Hugh is quite often in pain when he walks , caused by shoGrammy Hey , Y ' all , Did your cell phone ever wake you up in the morning ? Mine did , about 6 : 30 this morning . It was in my purse , in the kitchen , where I place it when I come in thru the back door . I awakened to the sound of the music and couldn 't figure out where the music was coming from . Finally , when I had it figured out , and jumped out of bed , ( yes , I can still get up quickly when it is called for ) , and ran to get it , it stopped playing its little tune . I listened to the message , and it was some person calling apparently someone they thought was a credit card company or a business . Anyway , I decided they didn 't want me . I decided to just stay up and proceeded to begin my day . I threw on my housecoat , and would you believe , I am still in my housecoat . I decided that I would go out and bring in my purchases from yesterday from the car . I was just too tired yesterday afternoon to bring them in . After taking my anti - reflux medication so I could eat breakfast in an hour , I went out and brought in the purchases . It took several trips . Then , I decided that I would do the craft project . I gathered my materials : glue gun , glue sticks , a styrofoam cone , 3 packages of shatterproof tree ornaments ( balls ) , a 50 foot length of garland , a clay pot , and rocks to fill the clay pot so it would make it heavy and a solid base . I used my glue gun to glue the ornaments onto the styrofoam cone . After I had them on , I wrapped the garland around between them to fill in the white empty spaces . Also , before I glued the ornaments on , I removed the little caps that you attach hooks to , to hang them on trees . I stuck the balls into the styrofoam using the point of the ball , removed the ball , filled the hole in the styrofoam with glue , then put the ball back into the glue . I held the ball in the glue for a minute and wa - la , it was attached . When I had finished decorating the styrofoam cone , I filled the clay pot with rocks from my driveway , and then glued the base of the cone into the top of the clay pot . I had some gold plastic garland made of stars oPosted by Hey , Y ' all , It was indeed a warm day and I enjoyed it thoroughly ! This morning , I awakened to the sound of birds outside my window . They were telling me to get up and get out . I said , " Of course , I will ! " Gramps actually got up this morning around 8 : 30 a . m . and I was again pleased to see him up and ready to have his cereal and coffee . We had a pleasant breakfast and I cleaned the kitchen and got ready to work a while on the quilt . Our friend , Mark , came over and watched an old movie with Kirk Douglas in it . He visited with us for awhile and then Gramps and I had a sandwich for lunch . After lunch , I was ready to go to Morristown to get more of my Christmas shopping done . I left around 1 : 00 p . m . and walked around inside Pier One , Ross , Hobby Lobby , and then Walmart . Man ! I was about ready to collapse when I got back into my car . When I got back into Jefferson City , I stopped at Burger King and picked up a couple of chicken sandwiches . Imagine my complete lack of surprise when I saw that Gramps had been " grazing " while I was out . Consequently , he didn 't finish his fries and sandwich , so I had to wrap them and put them in the fridge . But I am thankful that he is once again eating like he used to . He has his appetite back . He is no longer sleeping all the time like he was a few weeks ago . He was on the drugs Aricept and Namenda , taking the lowest possible dosage . I took him off of them about two weeks or so ago , and now he is reacting normally . He had lost his appetite , was having nightmares , and hallucinations . I would prefer to have him not remembering stuff instead of off his mental rocker . I got the rest of the materials today for my " craft project " and will work on it tomorrow . It shouldn 't take too long to do it . Then i will take a picture if it turns out well , or maybe even if it doesn 't . It would be something to joke about and laugh about . I am not above laughing at myself . I have provided some of the best laughs about me over the years . While I was in the parking lot this afternoon , I looked up and saw lots of sePosted by Hey , Y ' all , Today began early . . . up at 6 a . m . to get ready to go see the eye doctor in Morristown . I left the house at 7 : 30 and motored on up to Morristown and of course , had trouble locating the office because I had never been there before . After circling the block the second time , I finally decided it was where I had thought to begin with . Could someone please tell me why it is that the actual location never looks like it does on the map they send you ? I did have good news after the doctor examined my eyes . He feels that I don 't need a cornea transplant ( Praise God ! ) . He explained to me that all I need right now is to have my right eye zapped with lasering to break up the secondary membrane that is covering the lens that I had implanted in 2001 . He also explained that I have some lumpy growth on my cornea , that can be removed when it needs to be , and also some stuff behind my cornea that can be removed when it needs to be . None of the surgeries are complicated and can be done in his office . I made an appointment to have the laser zapping done in January . I had already had that done to my left eye a short time ago . After I left the doctor 's office , mentally singing thanks to the Lord , I went home and found that Gramps had already arisen , dressed , and was getting ready to eat his breakfast . I sat and talked with him , and prepared his insulin shot that he has to take each day . I heated some coffee for him , and then we left after a while and headed into Knoxville . Imazo and I went shopping this afternoon and had a great time . Then we went back to her home and picked up the guys , and went to Cracker Barrel to have our late lunch / early supper . My brother , Hugh , is not doing real well . He is having great difficulty walking , and it takes a lot of effort for him to walk any distance , even with his walker . He is going to see his kidney doctor again on Friday to see if there is anything else that can be done . I expect he doubts that there is anything else that can be done . Our brother , John , in Arizona , is not doing well , eiPosted by Blogs are so much fun ! If you enjoy a blog entry , and would like to leave a comment , notice that at the bottom of each blog entry is are the words , " 0 comments " or " 2 comments " , reflecting how many comments people have made . Sometimes people comment on the entry , sometimes they even comment on each other 's comments ! Some polite rules for comments are no unkind words , say nice or humorous things or refrain from commenting , no profanity ( which I wouldn 't expect out of my friends , anyway ! ) , and don 't use other people 's last names , because some folks don 't like their names made public . To comment , just click on the " 0 comments " line , and it will take you to a place to comment . Write your comment in the space they provide . Then you have to " log in " . If you don 't have a google account , just click on the link to getting an account . It 's free . . . . will not cost you anything at all . After you write your comment and sign in , say , " Publish your comment " , and you 've blogged ! Enjoy ! |
I 've been an insomniac for as long as I can remember . In the past , I could never fall asleep . I 'd lay there hour after hour , waiting for sleep to come . Usually , my brain was in overdrive and that 's what drove sleep away . But then it happens . First at 12 : 34 . I sit up and look at my husband 's alarm clock . Plenty of time to sleep . I snuggle back in and I 'm out . 3 : 18 . On the dot . Every morning . I awake , wide awake . My brain starts to kick in . My pillow isn 't comfortable . The room is too hot . Any number of annoyances keep me awake . Once upon a time , this was my backyard . Farm machinery hibernating through a long winter , awaiting its springtime use . Pastures and fields to use as a playground all year long . Acres and acres of uncivilized land at my disposal . My confession ? A silly and eternally hopeful part of me had always hoped that someday , somehow , I could one day have enough disposable money to purchase the farm . I could maintain and improve upon it , and use it for summer vacations and time away from the new home that I 've made with my husband and son . We drove past the old farm yesterday . I asked my husband to while we were on the way to see my grandparents . First , we drove past the driveway . I could see the old barn looking much like it did in my childhood . The upper doors were new , painted bright white , but other than that , little had changed . Our house was gone , but I knew that had been the first thing to go after the farm was sold , so there wasn 't a shock with that change . The cow paths I 'd once walked down ? The cliff where my now - husband had once called the cows ? Gone . Leveled out and replaced by still another pole building . This is my paternal grandmother , Grandma Smi h . Isn 't she love y ? As a child , I knew her as " Grandma Up - the - Hill " ; Grandma and Grandpa Smith lived at the top of a hill , whereas Grandma and Grandpa Wilcox lived at the bottom of a hill ( Grandma Down - the - Hil ) . I loved visiting Grandma Smith ( still do , for that matte ) . She is one of those grandmothers who lives to spoil her grandchildr n . If I had asked her to pull down the moon for me , she would ha Her closet was my usual playground . I would spend hours playing dress - up and putting on shows for her . I loved getting into her jewelry , as well . She had a necklace that I was certain was real diamonds ; I always wanted to wear that so I could feel like a rich lady . For a while , I was into fashion design , and we would sit and draw outfit after outfit . In fact , I think Grandma got into it as much as I did . She would continue drawing after I had left . When I came to visit the next time , she would show me the new fashions she had designed . And you know what ? She was good . . . really good at it ! I always looked forward to my visits with her , and I always thought it was just because she was so generous . We both have generous hearts . Too generous , quite honestly , as we sacrifice our own desires in order to please our loved ones . That 's not a bad trait , certainly , but I think we should spoil ourselves more often . . . Grandma , especially . We 've both known the sorrow of losing children . I sit here , thinking of her , and I realize that she is one of my best friends . For shouldn 't your best friend be a kindred spirit in some way ? But it didn 't go away . In trying to console him , I realized he was hot . Burning up hot . Checked the temp and there it was . The fever . It came out of nowhere . Forty minutes earlier , he had been playing outside for one of the first times since last year . Then , suddenly , he was measuring in at over 102 degrees . We forced some Tylenol on him . Brave little trooper drank as much as he could stand . But for the next half hour , he was inconsolable . Who can blame him ? He felt terrible . Then , he threw up all over me ( an event that doesn 't even bother me anymore ) and fell asleep ( after a requisite bath ) . That was around 6 : 00 . We let him sleep on his fold - out bed in the living room . We kept watch over him , checking his dropping fever from time to time , while we tried to enjoy our Friday night . What could I say ? What could Daddy say ? We dragged ourselves out of bed and carried him down . He immediately sat in the middle of the living room floor and began to " read " us the story of the time when a hurricane hit the island of Sodor , and Thomas the Tank Engine had to rally his friends to work together with the nasty diesels . After getting some help with another dose of Tylenol ( half of which ended up on me ) , I sent Hubby back to bed . He would have stayed up , most assuredly , but since his band has a gig tonight ( Saturday ) , I felt it best that he get some sleep . No grumpy bear allowed on Sunday , after all . So , then the little guy requested supper , having slept through the original supper hour . " Fries , dip - dip , cake , and chips . " I compromised and traded applesauce for cake . He ate it voraciously . We watched a DVD of Christmas cartoons ( his choice ) until he requested to go to the basement at 3 : 00 ( a . m . mind you ) to play with his trains . We rebuilt all the track on his island of Sodor . I pushed Henry into a ditch so that Gordon could rescue him and pull him to the Steamworks ( you had to be there , I guess ) . At 5 : 00 , I begged him to come up and try to fall asleep . He raced up the steps and willingly cuddled with me on the couch . I was the first to fall asleep , but he must have followed soon after because I awoke to find him curled up against me , tendrils of sweaty hair against his forehead and his fingers wrapped around my forearm . And so it is . That 's where I pick up today . I could have been irate and angry all night ( morning ? ) . I could have forced the little guy to stay in bed . I could have scolded him , even yelled at him . How could I have done that , though ? I love him beyond measure . I hate when he is sick or sad . And you know what , if he wants to get up and have supper and play at three in the morning ? I 'm going to serve up some grub and push a train around some wooden tracks . Children are miracles . My son is a little extra miracle given so many circumstances leading to his sweet entry into this world . I don 't take miracles lightly . My wedding date was initially set for June 23 , 2002 . In January of 2001 , however , as we looked at the cost of a huge wedding and at the long wait to finally be married - - after we 'd already been together for over five years - - we decided to move the date up and just have an intimate , outdoor wedding , inviting only immediate family members . We decided to get married on July 7 , 2001 . Added to the reasons to the change of date were the compounding health issues of my maternal grandmother . Grandma Wilcox had congestive heart failure , and though her health had never been great , there had been a steady decline that made me worried . I wanted to make sure that she got to watch me get married . For me , that was biggest reason to get married sooner rather than later . Putting a wedding together in about six months initially seemed to be a pretty daunting task ; however , we planned small and everything seemed to fall into place . Everything , that is , except my grandmother 's health . It began to decline steadily , and we began to make preparations in case she was too ill to attend the wedding . My mother , a wonderful seamstress , was making my dress for me . She finished sewing it about a month before the wedding . I drove up for my final fitting , and we took it to my grandparents ' house so Grandma could see me . She was tickled , both at how I looked as a bride and at my mother 's sewing skills , most of which were learned from her . At the end of June , as we were finalizing wedding details and getting ready for the big day , I received a call that my grandmother was not doing well . Everyone in the family was encouraged to come up and see her , just in case . I knew what " just in case " meant , and my fiancé drove me north the next morning . I didn 't say good - bye , not out loud . I sat next to her as she rested in the recliner , held her hand , and talked to her . I held her hand and cried for fear of losing her . My wedding wasn 't the only event I didn 't want her to miss . I didn 't want her to miss any part of the rest of my life . And somehow , through the grace of God , she pulled through . She still wasn 't healthy , but she was alive , and that was enough to give me hope . I wasn 't so naïve as to believe she 'd live forever ; I just expected her to live longer . She 'd been given her " death sentence " so many times before , and she 'd always proven the doctors wrong . She would do it again . I returned home and to my wedding planning with renewed hope that she would be there to see it all . Several days before my wedding , I headed north again . My fiancé was staying behind and would be coming up on the morning of our wedding day . I would spend the next couple of days completing the last minute details , things like decorations and favors . My grandmother was still quite ill , and I 'd accepted the fact that she would probably be too ill to attend the ceremony . Her dress was hanging hopefully on the back of her bedroom door , but we knew it would probably just stay there , that she 'd be unable to attend . My fiancé and I , instead , planned to visit her after the reception so she could see us in our wedding finery , admire our matching wedding bands . It wasn 't my ideal , but it was good enough ; I just wanted her to be a part of my wedding day . I just wanted her to be around . I woke up on the fourth of July after having slept in a little later than usual . My mom had already left to go to my grandparents ' house . Skipping breakfast , I hopped in the shower so I could get ready and get more work done on the wedding decorations . I had just stepped out of the shower and started drying off when my father banged on the bathroom door . " Nichole ? ! Get the kids ! Grandma just died ! " His panicked and choked voice was already fading as he ran down the hallway . The front door slammed even as I squeaked out the word , " What ? " I dressed quickly , not bothering to put on half of my clothes . My brain couldn 't process what he 'd said . I understood it on a logical level , but that was about it . Grandma was dead ? I opened the bathroom door , getting ready to find my brother and sister . I was trying to figure out how to be the one to break the news to them . I didn 't have to . My father 's booming voice had woken them both . My sister , whose bedroom was adjacent to the bathroom , was sitting on the floor when I pulled the door open . She was mostly dressed but was having trouble pulling on her socks . She couldn 't see through the veil of tears . Releasing her from my arms , we sped down the hall . My brother was emerging from his room , his eyes red . I asked if he were okay , to which he just nodded . Stoic men run in my family . My parents were out there , my mom weeping in my father 's arms . He was crying , too , struggling to keep his emotions in check so he could take care of my mom . Soon , we were all a mix of arms and tears , all of us embracing , trying to comfort and seek comfort at the same time . I think that I was the first to pull away . I had to see her . Not to see that it were true ; I knew that Grandma was gone . I wanted to make sure that I got to tell her some things before her soul had completely slipped away . I hoped that part of her could linger just long enough for all of us to do that . It was hard for me to see her like that , see her looking so unlike herself . I stood there for a moment before taking her already cooling hand into mine . I leaned down and whispered to her that it was okay that she was gone , that I understood she couldn 't attend my wedding in person but would be coming as an angel . I promised to make her proud of me . Before I began to cry again , I kissed her soft cheek and told her that I loved her . Returning to the porch , I found my sister . I could see that she was struggling with going into the house . I told her that I would go with her if she wanted me to . She nodded , and we went in . She burst into tears and turned to find my mother 's waiting arms . The rest of the family began to arrive , and a familiar scene to ours played out . Hugged consolations on the front porch . Choked good - byes in the living room . Gathered embraces in the kitchen . The morning wore on . Family arrived as soon as they were able , and we all felt comfort in each other 's presence . My cousin , Tara , was last to arrive , having been on the road and therefore unaware of our grandmother 's death . Her father met her in the driveway to tell her the news , and he held her before bringing her , stunned and upset , inside . Once everyone had arrived , once everyone had a chance to say a final good - bye , the funeral director arrived . The entire family went outside so that he could attend to our wife , mother , grandmother . We stood in front of the garage door in a haphazard circle , each of us looking shell - shocked and weary . I don 't remember who made the suggestion , but in minutes , we were all standing in a circle and holding hands while my Uncle Kevin , my grandmother 's oldest child , led us in prayer . As the prayer closed , the hearse drove away , and we all hugged and cried as the dust from the road swirled around our feet . That night , after we had returned home and completed our nightly farm chores , my family ( my parents and siblings and I ) returned to my grandparents ' home . Behind their house , about a quarter of a mile up an old farm road , is the family pond and pavilion . We celebrated my sister 's birthday up there , had a picnic and ate cake . The sun was starting to go down , and we were just sitting , enjoying the serenity and lost in our thoughts . The sun was golden , reflecting and shimmering in the surface of the pond . Occasionally , that reflection would ripple , the water furrowed by a gentle summer breeze . From our hilltop perch , we could see the back of my grandparents ' home , see the lights of the house and the lights of cars as they came and went . Just as we were thinking that it was time to head home , stopping at the house to see the family once more on the way out , we saw movement from the end of the road that leads to the pond . A head appeared soon transforming into an entire body as someone walked in our direction . That body was joined by another and another ; an entire group of people was moving toward us . As they crested the hill on the near side of the pond , the breeze carried a sound to our ears . It was the voices some of my grandmother 's children and grandchildren singing " Happy Birthday " to my sister . Their voices grew louder as they reached the pavilion and finished their song . We clapped and laughed , even as our eyes filled with tears . Decades of marriage never dimmed their love for each other . I remember with fondness the way that Grandpa would tease Grandma , just to hear her sputter . Then , he would laugh with such love . Grandma showed me all the Valentine cards he had ever given her , each one sweeter and more romantic than the previous one . . . This is where my Mom grew up . My Grandpa Wilcox was a farmer ; he and his brother built this farm from the ground up . Grandma Wilcox was a housewife , but she also served for a while as a justice of the peace , as her father had done before her . She gave up the position because she was tired of marrying couples who were only getting married out of necessity instead of out of love . My grandparents were ten years apart in age . Grandpa fell for Grandma and fell hard . They dated for a while but she broke up with him just before going to college at Mansfield State Normal School to major in , basically , home economics . Grandpa was heartbroken . He wrote her a letter and told her that if she ever changed her mind , she knew where to find him ; he would be waiting for her . A year or so later , after deciding to leave school , she sent him a letter . " If you meant what you said , I 'll be home on [ this date ] . You can come courting . " It started with a shot of an abandoned and dilapitated coming into town . And frankly , I 'm not even sure why I snapped a shot of it other than the fact that it was there and I had my camera ready to go . When I saw the shot , I thought , Hmm . Maybe I can do something with that . . . And so I started to work with it . I cut the house out of the original shot and added it to a shot of fields near my parents ' house . Then the careful editing and texturing began . I got more and more excited as I put it together . Not half bad , I thought to myself : When it was finished , I did my usual routine : posted it on Flickr . Yeah , that was it . . . at first . I printed out a copy for myself to see how it looked , and I was kind of pleased . I used a matte paper that I 'd never tried before , and the results were better than I had expected . Seeing that , I posted the image as a canvas print to my Zazzle store . I didn 't think anything of it beyond that . That is until I checked my secondary email account and got this message : Seriously , though . I 'm a pretty humble gal , so any acknowledgement of my work gets me excited . Something like this ? I 'm like a kid again , telling my mom and making my husband stare at the computer screen with me . Validation ? Makes me pretty happy . . . I eat red meat . Not alot , as I know it 's not entirely good for me . But I love hamburgers and I have indulged in some wonderful steaks . And if Mom makes a roast ? I 'm having second helpings . PETA would not be pleased with me , and I 'm okay with that . I have always said that growing up on a farm has made me appreciate eating beef . Sounds terrible , doesn 't it ? Too see those cute cows with those big , brown , soulful eyes and then . . . to eat them ? The horror ! I 've been woken at midnight by my mom 's knock at my bedroom door and the words , " The cows are out . " I 've thrown jeans over my pajamas and boots on my feet in the wee hours of the morning to go traipsing over hill and dale searching for the miscreants who plundered through a barb wire fence and scattered over at least fifteen acres of fields . I 've fallen in woodchuck holes , slipped on muddy hills , and been spooked by at least one raccoon . I 've stood at the top of hills at three in the morning yelling " Ka - boss ! " until the cows literally came home . Hubby and I went furniture shopping today . We 're getting our hardwood floors refinished , which requires moving all of the furniture out of the living room . We 're at a point where we know we need new furniture ( there 's nothing like sitting on your couch and feeling like you 're sitting on the floor ) . And we 're also at a point where if we 're going to be moving the furniture out . . . You see where I 'm going with this . Anyway , so after hitting the furniture store , we decided to head somewhere for lunch . Hubby took a road that he 's only been on once or twice ; I 've never been on it at all . What a wonderful road ! A farm photographer 's paradise ! I was snapping pictures left and right as we whizzed by . I considered today a scouting mission , and I 'm taking a slower trip down that road sometime this summer . I started playing with it , trying out different crops and sizes . I started working on the layers and piecing it together . As it took shape , I thought my head was going to split in half because I was smiling so broadly . There are those moments when you just know something 's coming together better than you had imagined . It was one of those moments . Everything came together with the final texture that I layered in . I am so stinking excited with how this one turned out ! ! ! ! What a busy week . It was one of those weeks that creeps up on you . It started off with my Mom being in a car accident ( she 's just fine ! ) . Then it quickly became filled up with about a million things that had to be done at work and at home . It was one of those times when it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders . I hate that feeling . I love textures , and I love adding textures to photos . Perhaps I 'd feel differently if I had a more professional camera and a variety of lenses to play and experiment with . . . but I don 't know . Certainly , I look forward to an equipment upgrade someday , but until then , I 'm really happy with my current creative journey . I started with a recent picture I took of a blue and slightly cloudy sky . I went into " Images / Adjustments " and did an " Auto Level " adjustment . It made the clouds too orange and the blues too blue , so I went to " Edit / Fade Levels " and backed it up a bit . . . Then , I started adding layers to my textu e . It 's kind of an organic process , I suppo e . I don 't start with an image in my mind of the finished product ; I just go with my gut and choose textures that appeal to me in that mome t . I knew that I wanted a canvas look , so I added a canvas texture that I made entirely on PhotoShop ( found a tutorial online somewher I played around with the layers and what it comes down to again is gut instinct , a moment of " Yes , I like that . " I set this one to " Overlay . " I thought about " Multiply " but it was too dark and I can 't adjust the levels on " Multiply " on my version of PhotoShop due to some sort of error ( boo ) . stone paver I looked at all the layers , " Flattened , " and I felt that it was missing something . It looked " painterly " but I wanted the canvas to stand out more than what it was . I added the canvas layer again and I went to " Image / Adjustments / Auto Levels " . It darkened the canvas layer and once the opacity was set to " Soft Light , " I gave myself a bit of a high - five . Flattened and voila : One last step , then . . . Try it out ! This time , I 'm relieved and happy . This is the stage where many of my textures have been abandoned , but I 'm happy to see that this particular texture is usable : I seriously thought about making that swimming pool disappear . And quite honestly , it was pure laziness that kept me from doing it . Still , there 's something about the contrast between old and new , rustic and modern . There was a day when your swimming pool was the deep part of the nearest stream or , if you were lucky , a family pond . Those were the two places where I did my swimming growing up . Sure , the mud was squishy between your toes and the algae was stuck to your legs when you got out . . . but it was fun . And you didn 't have to worry about the chemical balance or draining it in the winter . There 's something to be said for mother nature 's luxuries , I think . . . . A shadowy figure darted through the periphery of her vision . Caroline swung her head to the left , simultaneously knocking back her chair and stumbling away from the doorway through which she was sure she had just seen someone pass . Breathing heavily , she looked around for a weapon , grabbing a hairbrush before discarding it in favor of a letter opener . She struggled to control her breathing and slid silently up to the doorway . Peeking around the corner , she saw no one . She held her breath , listening , hearing only silence . After seconds that passed like hours , she crept from the room . Stealthily , she went from room to room , ready to confront whomever had broken in , or so she kept telling herself . She reached the living room having encountered no one . The door remained locked , including the interior lock . There was no way anyone had come in that way , as there was no way to open that lock from the other side of the door . Caroline dropped her hand to her side and let the letter opener drop to the floor . She ran her hand across her forehead , grimacing at the beads of sweat that had gathered there . Leaving the letter opener on the floor , she walked into the kitchen . " A cool drink . A cool drink and a relaxing afternoon . You 're just overtired , " she murmured to herself . She poured a tall glass of tea , dropped in a couple of cubes of ice . Putting the pitcher back in the fridge , she reached for the container where she kept slices of lemon . From the corner of her eye , a dark shape passed through the kitchen . The lemons and the container dropped to the floor , as Caroline ran into the living room to grab the phone . " I need to see Dr . Stone . Today . " So , I teach a creative writing class . A couple of years ago , I had the most phenomenal group of kids , so much so that it was more of a writer 's group . I was able to write along with them , and while we worked on our short horror stories , I started writing one called " Vulnerable . " We had read an article about the elements of horror , and the assignment I gave was to follow those elements in their writing . The article really struck a chord in me , and I wrote one of the best pieces I think I 've ever written in my life ! Long story short , it 's about a woman in a rest stop bathroom stall . . . When are you more vulnerable than when you 're on the toilet ? I wrote that story . Then , I wrote another one . Then another one . I went on a writing spree , actually finishing everything that I started . I had never done that before . I still get that itch to write like that . I have so many other things on my plate right now that writing has taken a spot on the periphery , though I have been taking notes on ideas . I look forward to a day when I can pay those ideas the attention that they are due ! 1 . Start with your image . To enhance the picture , I sometimes use the " Auto Levels " and " Auto Contrast " features in the " Image / Adjustments " menu . If I don 't like how the picture looks with these adjustments , I 'll adjust the " Brightness / Contrast " and " Saturation " manually . I 'm basically looking for crisp colors and sharp details , nothing washed out . 2 . I start adding textures . I start with the textures I want on the sky first . It 's a game of trial and error . Generally , I use " Soft Light " or " Overlay " on the sky textures , but it really depends on what appeals to the eye . I also prefer to use distressed / painterly textures . The ones by Distressed Jewell are really good , but feel free to use your favorites . In this case , I used two textures that had cloudlike appearances and backgrounds . The first layer was set to " Multiply " so the texture would really stand out . Then I flattened the layer and did " Image / Adjustments / Auto Levels " to make the image lighter . I then added the second layer and set it to " Overlay " . I used the eraser to remove the texture from the trees where I thought it was too strong and detracted from their natural texture . In this case , I 'm happy with just two layers ( though I sometimes use 3 - 4 ) , so I 'll move on . . . . 3 . Next , I add a texture that includes paper and words . LesBrumes ( flickr ) has some of my favorites , but again , feel free to use someone else 's or , even better , make your own . I apply the texture set on " Multiply , " flatten the image , and adjust the levels again . I want it lighter but not too light because of the final layer I intend to add . 4 . Now it 's time to add some birds . I do so using bird brushes set to black and 100 % opacity . I try to choose birds that fit the theme or that fit the scene , depending . My favorites include perched birds and come from resources like Distressed Jewell , Shadowhouse Creations , or midnightstouch ( Deviant Art ) . Or you can always make your own ! 5 . The next step is to add text . I prefer to use text that looks like it came from an old typewriter , but again , it 's creator 's choice . I try to allow the text to follow a natural line created by the image . In newer versions of PhotoShop , you can set a path for the text to follow . I 'm working on the dinosaur that is Photoshop 7 . 0 , however , so I have to use the " Warp Text " tool to get it in the shape I want . It 's tedious and time consuming , but it will work . 6 . Finally , I add one final texture . Because my picture is generally somewhat dark at this point , I usually pick a texture that is A ) light and B ) textured ( ha ha ) . By that I mean I like a texture that is interesting and somewhat heavier than ones previously used . Cracks or heavy scratches usually appeal to me . I set the opacity to " Soft Light " and flatten the image . Then , I manually adjust the " Brightness / Contrast " and " Saturation " to what appeals to me . The heavier the saturation , the more dreamlike / fantasy the final picture will be . I generally choose to be more moderate : So many memories are in this picture . The path the cows took from the pasture to the barn is at the top of the cornfield ; the same path where I was once stampeded . We used to get huge snowfalls , sometimes four feet of snow . There was one time that the cow path had these huge , thick drifts over it . My siblings and I made it into a homemade luge and slid down the hill without sleds . The walls of the drifts made it feel like we were in tunnels . Over to the right are the twin willow trees that took up a portion of the lower pasture . One of the trees had been split in half by lightning . We used to play in the stream beneath the trees . It was shallow and there was a little sandbar on the one side . It was a perfect place for finding fossils . The hills in the distance were our hay fields and the upper pasture . I used to sit atop the highest hill , looking out over the valley . I would wish myself away from the farm , especially during those times when money was especially tight . I would dream of making it big in the world and coming back to that exact spot to build a dream home for my parents . I grew up on a dairy farm in rural Pennsylvania . I dreamed of something better and I don 't think I 've changed much from then . I still dream of the chance to follow my dreams . . . |
Here is the thatched pavilion that we took over for our stay . It is right across the street from our trailers and very shady and cool . We left our chairs there the entire time we were in the park . Here is a closer shot of " our " pavilion . This park is beautifully landscaped with plants and flowers that attract butterflies and hummingbirds . It does require a lot of maintenance to keep it looking like this , but it 's worth it . I don 't know what these plants are called but they are certainly pretty and do a good job of attracting butterflies and hummingbirds . We enjoyed our stay at Bentsen Palms Village . Ted and Donna and Stella and I went across the border to buy our medicines . We spent a lot of money , but we bought a year 's supply of our medications so it was worth it . It is definitely different in Mexico this time of year . Workers were cleaning the bridge walkways and getting ready for the huge influx of snow birds or Winter Texans that will be arriving very soon . There was little activity compared to what goes on during " the season " and hardly any street vendors were present . So long . Today we went to the Ropas Usadas to show Tommy and Susan where we buy our clothes in the valley . Here are Stella and Susan looking over the huge piles of clothes . If you look behind the loose clothes on the floor , you will see some of the bales of clothes stacked up and waiting for someone to go through them to buy . Here is another shot of the clothes that are piled on the floor . Women will come in and sit down in the middle of the pile , going through the clothes and pulling out what they want to buy . If you will look real closely behind and to the right of the lady squatting in the foreground you will see one . These clothes are bought by the pound , about . 30 per pound , so you can find some real bargains . Some of these clothes come from Goodwill , some come from laundrys that have lost or unclaimed clothing and others come from donation centers . This is not something I would like to do every day , but it is a sight to see ! A person could make money at this by having garage sales , but its not for me or Stella . We enjoy going once while we 're down in the valley but that 's enough for us . So long As you can see , both dogs are getting on very well . Tramp is doing great , and will respond to his name and learning some commands like NO , DOWN , SIT DOWN , STOP , etc . He hasn 't had any accidents in the house but is still learning his way around . Donna fixed some great looking steaks for Ted 's birthday . We all had plenty to eat , and she even made him a key lime pie for dessert . We all had fun together and a fine meal . Thank you Donna . Ted , Donna and Susan moving a table for us to eat on . We all loved the setting in this park . The owner and staff do so much to make it comfortable and very pretty . The winter Texans will be flocking in soon , so we took advantage of having so much room to enjoy ourselves in . Here is Ted setting up the tables and chairs for his birthday supper . This is on a vacant site between our trailers . That 's Nick standing on the ground while he and his guys swarmed all over my trailer , cleaning it up for me . The guys cleaned all three of our rigs and started at 7 : 30AM and didn 't get through until 6 : 30PM . They worked really hard but the two trailers and one motorhome sparkled like new when they got through . So long . Well , the new puppy had a good night . I tried to get him to go lay down with me in bed but he 's apparently never been in bed and ran around excitedly for a few minutes before jumping down and running back into the living room with Stella . When I woke up later , he came into my lap and slept all night long . We didn 't wake until almost 9 o ' clock ! We went outside and drank our coffee with the rest of the group and while there , I met another resident of the park , Don Robidoux . He has been down visiting his son who is moving here from Mexico . We had a nice chat and he left to go meet his son . There aren 't many others staying here right now but that will change next week when the early snowbirds start arriving . We stayed here until after the Dallas - Houston football game and went into Donna for supper . We went to one of our favorites , Martha 's diner which we found the first time we came down here , staying at Casa Del Sol . The diner is right next door to the RV park , so it was really convenient for us , but today it was closed until October 17th when they reopen for the winter Texas season . We ended up going to El Palenque at the suggestion of our friend Bob Wurch . The food was very good and not the usual TexMex food that we are accustomed to but still very good . Speaking of Bob , I learned that his motorhome was broken into at the storage lot , with approximately $ 22 , 000 in damage and stolen items removed from it . He was supposed to have come down here this week but after the damage , he is staying at home . We will miss him . We returned home and sat out in the covered patio across the street from our sites . It is so nice to have everything in the park to ourselves . We visited Ted and Donna here in January when we were down here and know that this is a very nice park during the season , but it has been nice now , during the off season . It has been warm but except for some rain , pretty nice here . So long . We have a new addition to our family , a 6 month old puppy named Tramp . We came to the Don - Wes flea market to show it to Tommy and Susan and luckily for me , I found one of the people that run a booth there had three puppies and we took one of them . He is a Chihuahua / Poodle ( is that ChiPoo or PooChi ? ) mix . Being only six months old , he hasn 't had his shots or any kind of veterinarian testing done yet but as soon as we can get him to a vet , he 'll be all checked out . We started our day by taking Tommy and Susan to Gonzales Burger for lunch . We have eaten here several times before and just because it is the off season for winter Texans , they still serve some of the best burgers you 've ever eaten . The meat is about a 3 / 4 pound patty and cooked to perfection . T & S were very impressed . We learned that many of the attractions that we wanted to show them were either not open or had been closed due to high water in the Rio Grande river , so we 're going to miss several interesting sights here . They will have to come back with us one day during the peak season . After lunch , we went to the Don - Wes flea market which is mostly closed because there are so few people to shop there . This is where we adopted Tramp , so the rest of the afternoon was spent trying to find doggie stuff for him . We got him a doggie bed and a very small collar , but no leash as yet . We came back home and ate a great supper that Tommy had brought us of steaks , baked potatoes and all the trimmings . We also introduced Tramp to his new home . Cassie freaked out when she first saw him , but they are getting on just fine now . So far he has been taken out on a leash several times and does his business every time . He has started to eat and drink but we 'll have to get him his own dishes because Cassie doesn 't want to share . It 's going to be a learning process with a puppy to train and to get used to . Wish us luck . . . So long . Stella set the alarm clock for 7AM . I was already up and had turned the coffee pot on , so we were up in plenty of time to get away early , but somehow it took longer than she thought to get the inside stowed away and ready for travel . I was so far ahead of her that I took time out to take a walk over to the other side of the marina to leave a Heartland contact card on the door of a Sundance trailer . I had noticed the trailer earlier in the week but had not found anyone at home . We got out of the park about 9 : 40 , later than I wanted but still not a bad time to leave . We only made one stop , in Odem , for fuel and a potty break . It rained on us all the way down which slowed us down some but the trip was pretty much uneventful . We pulled into the park right on time , an hour behind the rest of the group , Ted and Donna and Tommy and Susan . The lady in the office told us that she had been waiting for us to arrive , and as soon as we got checked in , she closed the office and went home . It took us just over 5 hours to get here , or just about what we figured . I realized that we needed to make one more stop to stretch and we will make this adjustment on our way back here next weekend . It began to rain on us again so we didn 't get the porch and steps set up but everything else was done . We were tired and wet , so we just knocked off and later went to eat at Furr 's Fresh Buffet in Donna , one of our favorite restaurants up here . We had a very enjoyable meal , however there was one rather funny but sad man that came in while we were eating . He is apparently homeless and was pushing a small cart , like the ones used at flea markets with a mesh type container that apparently contained all of his belongings . It began as funny to see all of the food that he had stacked up on plates but I soon realized that this was probably his first meal in some time . He is probably one of the unfortunately homeless individuals that has to sell aluminum cans or other discarded items to make money , or beg from others to make enough to be able to eat . I did Posted by Again I must apologize for falling behind when there was nothing going on . I guess the reason is that there was little to write about except our meals out . Tuesday was warm and sticky from all the rain we have had . We decided to go to the Blessing Hotel for lunch , which was great home cooked food that we have loved for a long time . Stella had a nice chat with Helen , owner of the restaurant , about many of their common friends including most of Stella 's relatives who still live near Blessing . Wednesday we met Chad and Jana and their kids Gracie and Grant for supper at the Palacios Mexican restaurant . The food was filling but tasteless but we had a nice visit with them . We talked about our trip to Colorado , comparing it to their own . They met us in Las Vegas New Mexico on their way home , and on our way to Colorado Springs . We enjoyed reliving the two trips and the kids especially loved it . Thursday we went to the Outrigger restaurant , a seafood restaurant that we have been enjoying for a long time but the food quality has gone way down . They used to use fresh fish and shrimp but now they have begun using frozen , farm raised items that are tasty but not as good as fresh . We had been given a coupon from the RV park when we checked in for a " buy one get one free " deal at the restaurant . We presented the coupon when we paid the bill and nothing was said but the lady owner followed us outside telling us that they had stopped honoring the coupon some time ago . She said that she would take ours but wanted to know where we had gotten it . We , of course told her , and suggested that she remove all the remaining coupons so this will not come up again . It certainly won 't come up for us again . The bad economy has certainly affected this area . We have noticed many closed businesses including all of the major manufacturer car lots in Bay City and numerous small businesses that have been shuttered . We can only hope that the area will recover soon . So long . Brace yourself for two very dull days in our lives . It continued to rain , very hard at times , so we stayed home most of both days . On Sunday we watched the football games on television and between the Dallas game and the Houston game we went to the local grocery store . We noticed a definite rise in their prices since we were here last , but I guess thats to be expected . I knew the big city would eventually catch up to small town Palacios . Its the only store in town , so the residents don 't have a choice , but after stocking up , we probably won 't be back at the store . Today , Monday , Stella decided to get our clothes washed up and I took her to the laundry . We barely made it back to the trailer before another heavy rain shower came through . We decided to stay home again and not get out in the rain . I looked on the Internet for something interesting to do around here . There is a tiny little museum here in Palacios that we will check out if this rain ever stops . I 'll keep you informed . So long . We didn 't begin to start moving until after 8 o ' clock this morning . Again , we don 't have that far to go today , so there isn 't a real need to get up and on the road . There was a rally in the park that was leaving today and I heard our neighbor out at 4AM , slamming doors and moving around and when I did get up to look , after 7 : 30 , they were gone . Of course , I don 't know how far they were going so there may have been a very good reason for them to be up and packing . We still pulled out at 10 o ' clock , so all was well . It began raining on us on our way down Hwy . 288 and it rained on us all the way into the park . It had about stopped when we arrived , so Stella got chatty with the lady in the office , long enough that it began to storm on us by the time we tried to get back into the truck . We just stayed in the office until the rain slacked up some before going out to drive to our site . We ran inside and put the slides out until the rain stopped enough for me to go back out and get the setup chores done . We arrived a few minutes after 3 but it took us until 5 to get fully set up . I had to change shirts twice while setting up , but I got it done . We stayed in for the rest of the night . We had talked about going to the grocery store but I found the USA channel on the channel selection , so I stayed in my chair and got caught up on NCIS . I haven 't gotten my fix since we left Colorado except for the regular channel show that only comes on once a week . It continued to rain off and on all afternoon and into the evening , so it would have been a miserable time to go out and we didn 't need anything bad enough to get out . I can tell you it made for some very good sleeping ! We are looking forward to a very relaxing week here in Palacios . We are very sorry that we missed Stella 's family reunion but there 's always next year . Of course , we don 't know at this point where we might be but we 'll try to get here . The lady in the office really tried to sell us on staying here for the winter . She said they will have an activities director and craftsPosted by We woke this morning , still upbeat about the possibility of a new truck . I was somewhat disappointed when we didn 't hear from Greg early in the morning , but he had told us that he was very involved in being a coach for his son , so I figured he might have gotten tied up with something for the football team . He finally called but it was after eleven in the morning and the news wasn 't good at all . He said he couldn 't get a very good interest rate and would need a signed buyer order before he could have the truck transferred . I wasn 't willing to sign anything until we had a firm deal , and wasn 't about to get caught in a squeeze , so we declined the deal . I really figured that he would call and say he found some good interest money , but he didn 't so we went about our business . We decided to go back to Nacogdoches to look at another RV park for future trips up here . We found one that was decent , the Paradise Lake Resort , and made a note of it for reference . Since it was so late in the day , there wasn 't time to leave and get to Palacios at a decent time , so we just extended our stay by one more day . We returned home and hung out until later in the afternoon when I went outside and took down the porch and a few other things in preparation for leaving in the morning . Stella worked on the inside , so we made good progress for our departure . Our neighbors , Don and Chris came by and asked us to sit outside with them later in the evening . They bought a Bighorn model 3385 about four months ago , so we had lots to talk about . I think I gave them some good information and also a contact card from the Heartland Owner 's club . They said they will join the forum and possibly the owner 's club also . We exchanged cards so that we can stay in touch in the future . So long . Today we went over to Center to meet with some other family members for lunch at a place named Pickles and Petunias . They serve a nice selection of lunch - type sandwiches and other selections that were very tasty . We went to Gail and Janie 's house and they drove us over to the restaurant , where we met Dot and her husband David , Barbara , her niece Steely , and Larry . These folks are Janie 's cousins , except of course for Steely , and are all my 2nd cousin . We had a very nice visit with our family and were allowed to sit in our small room for more than an hour , visiting and reminiscing about times past . It was a very good time and we wish we had more time to spend with them . After lunch we returned to the house for coffee and then Gail and I went to the bank where he used to work and Stella and Janie went shopping . Gail introduced me to the bank President , John Snider . You never can tell when I might need a new bank , so it might pay to know John . We returned to the house and looked over the stuff the girls had bought before we left for Garrison . On our way back , I drove past the Dodge dealer and saw several dually pickups on their lot . We decided to stop and look at what they had in stock . We met a very nice salesman named Greg Hubbard , who showed us what they had . They only had one truck with an automatic transmission , but he took us inside and we went over the various models and features that were offered . He did a search of available vehicles and found one that we liked at another dealer . He said he could have it here tomorrow , so we decided not to leave tomorrow as planned so that we could check on this vehicle . We went on back home , excited over the prospect of getting a new truck . Greg promised to call the first thing in the morning with any news . Hang on . . . So long . It was another warm morning in the ArkLaTex as this area is referred to . The other day , when we rode over to Logansport Louisiana , Stella remarked that she didn 't realize that we are as close to Louisiana as we are , although it 's probably 100 miles to the Arkansas border from here . We piddled around in the trailer and I went for a walk around the park before getting ready to go to Nacogdoches to meet Gail and Janie for lunch . They both had doctors appointments there and when they got through , we met them and went to Chili 's for lunch . We had more good chats with them during lunch and after , we went for a short ride around Nacogdoches before returning to our truck . Stella and I checked on some more RV parks in Nacogdoches for future trips up here but didn 't really find anything that we liked . We will keep our eyes peeled for a better park . I called our friends A . D . and his wife Dee this afternoon . We had met them at Stephen F . Austin state park when we had all worked there and wanted to try to meet them . They are at the Tyler State Park , which is relatively nearby , but when we talked on the phone , I learned that they are still having medical problems and couldn 't meet us today . We have plans with the family for tomorrow and will be leaving on Friday for Palacios , so we won 't get to see them at this time . They are returning to SFA in November for follow - up tests at MD Anderson , so perhaps we 'll get to visit with them then . We came on back home and relaxed in the trailer . This park isn 't much , but it 's quiet . A good sized rally group came in today and the place is full , but they seem to be a very quiet bunch . I took another walk around the park but didn 't speak to any of them . I did see a group of them at the rally hall , but didn 't approach them . I wanted to visit some more with my friend Don next door , but they seemed to be gone , so maybe we can get with them again before we leave . So long . Today was another pretty laid - back day of visiting with my family . We woke here at the park and ate breakfast here before going back over to Center to spend lunch and the afternoon . We stopped off at a station and added some fuel because we had trouble getting the nozzle out from between the tank and the side of the bed , so I elected to just buy some fuel to fill the tank here . As soon as we got to the house , Gail and I left for his Rotary club meeting at the Civic Center . The Civic Center is brand new and near the new Holiday Inn and another new hotel being built . Many of the business people in Center were at this meeting , including the Sheriff of Shelby County and one of his high ranking deputies , Mike Tollette . I knew Mike when he worked for the Friendswood Police Dept . and I worked for the Dickinson Police Dept . It was good to see an old friend and we reminisced about old times in Galveston County . The lady that is the President of the Rotary club came to the table to write down my name . When she asked me for my name , I told her what it was , but she said " no , your name is Russ " . I spelled my name for her and she wrote something down but when she introduced me , she said my name was Russ Coleman . I don 't know where she got that name but later in the program , Gail corrected my name and we all had a good laugh about her mistake . The meeting was very nice and I enjoyed meeting so many friendly people . We came back to the house and had a nice visit for the rest of the afternoon . Gail had a bank meeting to go to , but we had some good conversation with Janie . We agreed to meet in Nacogdoches tomorrow for lunch and set up a lunch with some other family members on Thursday . So long . We woke this morning to a little cooler temperatures . It threatened rain last night but I don 't think it ever rained and while I was talking to Janie , we both heard thunder . Before we hung up , she said it was pouring down rain in Center . Whatever the reason , it was cooler this morning . After eating breakfast in the trailer , I went for a walk around the park . This time I walked down to the lake to see what it was like . It is very small and seemed to be man made to me . There are concrete walls with a diving board on one end . I have read that it is spring fed , so it may be that someone just improved on the original lake and made it more user friendly for guest use . We drove over to Center to Janie 's house today . We stopped off at a Whataburger in Timpson and drove the 30 miles or so to Center . Center 's population has always been pretty small and the city limit sign said there are 5800 people living here now but it seemed to be much bigger and busier than I remembered . I had many family members that lived here as a youth , but sadly most of them are now gone . I have many memories of coming to Center to visit and later remembered that when I was about 8 months old , we actually moved to Center to live for a short time . I drove Stella by some of the old houses where family lived . When we arrived at Gail and Janie 's house , and after hugs and handshakes , we decided to go for a ride around Center and some of the nearby towns . Gail drove us over to Joaquin and over into Louisiana to Logansport . Gail is the former president of the bank here in Center and also in the chicken business , which is a huge business in east Texas . He stays on top of all things connected to business in and around Center so it was a very informative trip . We all enjoyed the drive and even found a new RV park for us to check out for another trip . We came back to the house and sat outside on the back patio , chatting and eating appetizers and drinking some wine . It was nice and cool and we had a very nice visit . Janie had fixed us a delicious meal of chicken Posted by Here are a small herd of deer that is grazing behind our trailer here at the Lake Tonkawa RV park . One of the bucks in the herd . The lady in the office said this was a Blackbuck deer . I don 't believe I 've ever seen these kind of deer , but they are raising some here at this park . There are the Blackbuck deer and also Fallow deer being kept here . Very pretty animals . They didn 't seem frightened at all and I could likely have gotten even closer to them but I didn 't . We were tired today from yesterday 's drive up here from Boerne , so we decided to just stay in today . I went outside this morning and met our neighbor , who also has a Bighorn trailer . His name is Don and we had a nice chat about our trailers and trucks in general . He drives a Dodge and said he is very happy with it . Based upon my recent dealings with Chevrolet dealers , I will likely look at some Dodge trucks when we get back to Rayford . We just hung out and watched football on television . If you can believe it , I even took a nap . I think I have slept more in my recliner than I have in the bed . I went for a walk around the park , which is not very far , but I did get out for awhile . I talked to my aunt Janie on the telephone and we made plans to get together tomorrow and other days in the week , so we will have a good time with her and her husband Gail . We are looking forward to seeing them . In the evening , we watched the Dallas Cowboys get beaten by the Washington Redskins . It was a wonderful day , the Houston Texans won and the Dallas Cowboys lost . Life is good . So long . We got up this morning on our last day here . We were the first ones in and the last one out . This is the day that we all dread , the day we had to pack up and leave . I had already taken the porch down , so that helped . I went down to the donut store and bought us all something for breakfast and we all sat out at our table to have breakfast . It was our last meal with Tommy and Susan until we get to Mission . Tommy was more prepared than we were and he and Susan pulled out about 9 o ' clock , but we worked steadily and made it out around 11 . We made the long drive to Garrison without incident except that the Low Coolant light came back on . I carefully watched the coolant temperature and it never budged , so I am confident that whatever is wrong is something minor . It 's just a matter of finding the problem . We pulled into the Lake Tonkawa park , which doesn 't have too many amenities . There is no wifi , no cable television , no pool although there the lake here for swimming . We haven 't seen it yet but I 'm sure it is nice . I know one thing , this place is secluded ! We drove down the road that was apparently cut out of a piney wood forest . It is waaaay back in the woods and very shady but there is not a breath of wind in here so its really , really hot . We 've got 50 amp service and are not paying for electricity , so we 'll give both our air conditioners a good workout this week . So long . This is the Waring General Store . The title is misleading because it is a beer joint / short order restaurant . It 's a great place to eat burgers , and a good deal on Wednesdays with their $ 20 . 00 special steak night deal including a band . Here are Stella , Susan and I in the back yard of the general store . There are tables outside too , so I assume that you can hear the band outside . We are sorry we were early and would have stayed for the band performance except we had to get back for our dogs . This is one of the RV sites at Huaco ( pronounced Waco ) Springs RV park . These are very nice sites overlooking the Guadalupe river and would a good place to go for a few days . Looking down the river just below the RV site pictured above . As you can see , it is a beautiful site . One of the falls at the park . I don 't remember these falls from our other visits to this area , so they may be man - made . The other fall at the park . Perhaps my kids can remember these falls and will remind me . We made many trips to New Braunfels to visit my Dad and came down to River Road every time . Looking upriver from near the falls . The trees are large and beautiful along the river and we always loved driving down the road . All these pictures were taken with my I Phone camera which is probably the last pics that you will see from this camera . I 'm certain that you will be able to tell the difference . So long . It began raining here on Tuesday and rained all day long . We all stayed inside while the remaining Boomers pulled out in the morning . Susan and I tried to take a walk during one of the lulls in the rain and we took shelter in the covered patio behind the office . It finally quit raining and we went on back to our rigs . We all got a little " stir crazy " after being cooped up all day and went for a ride up to Kerrville to the Gibsons store there . We all looked around the store and we bought a new Weber grill . We have needed a new grill for awhile and there was a good price on it here , so we bought it . We rode around Kerrville for awhile and stopped at the Lakeside restaurant for a good meal . Wednesday it kept on raining as a result of hurricane Hermine . We stayed inside again until the afternoon when we decided to go look at RV 's . It had stopped raining , so we went to one store that sold a lot of motorhomes but about the time we stepped out , it began raining again , so we tried another store down the street , and looked at a couple of units before the rains came again . Patti Kerlin had suggested trying the hamburgers at a General Store in Waring , a very small community about ten miles out of Boerne . When we got there , we found the store was closed but should reopen soon . We sat down outside at some tables along with a band that was playing there tonight . When the cook returned , he told us about their Wednesday night specials that offered a steak dinner with all the fixin 's , a selection of appetizers that were all you can eat and your drinks for $ 20 . Wow , what a deal ! We were sorry that we couldn 't stay but we had our great hamburgers and came on back home . The burgers were everything Patti had told us they were , everything was grilled and the burger was very juicy , just the way we like them . We came back to the park and hung out the rest of the night . It was very pleasant at night and we sat outside until we all got tired about 9 o ' clock . Thursday it quit raining and we rode into San Antonio to look at a couple of RV parPosted by Sunday morning , we went to the rally hall for " zippy omelettes " . These are simply eggs that are cracked into a heavy - duty baggie with ingredients of your choice added . Then the omelettes are dropped into a pot of boiling water for fifteen minutes and out comes a perfectly round omelet . We had a good time at breakfast with our friends and again , and I saw a lot more people that I have not seen in years . We had some good visits before everyone before the omelettes were ready . After breakfast , Madame Boomer spoke about the Boomers present . The state - wide club is down by one area leader , in the hill country and Mike and Amber Brown , who took our place in Houston , were absent due to some medical procedures that Amber is going through right now . We hope they have some good luck in the future . In the afternoon , some of the girls went shopping again and Stella went to play games in the rally hall . She and some others played LCR , a dice game and luckily , she won some money ! I stayed at home and kept my recliner from floating away . I have discovered that if I don 't do this , the recliner just somehow levitates . I would hate it if we came home one day and found the recliner had escaped from the trailer . . . There was another potluck supper tonight , but we decided to go back to the Hungry Horse one more time . About eight of us went and as always we had a great meal and good conversations . We came back home and went over to see the 20 foot banana split that had been prepared for us . It was delicious and I would have taken a picture of it but I forgot my camera . Take my word for it , it was yummy ! We came back to Ricky and Dee 's trailer and sat outside until after ten o ' clock again with several of our friends . There were only a few others that sat out at night , which was unusual for the Boomer group . They usually have bonfires and music until the quiet hour starts around ten o ' clock at night but not this time . Monday was the day that everyone had dreaded , the day almost everyone had to go back home . Tommy and Susan stayed behind and BaPosted by Friday , the remainder of the attendees arrived and got all set up . We had an informal sandwich meal scheduled for tonight . Madame Boomer ( Sandy ) gave a talk on the history of the Boomers , which was started by four couples that met in Kerrville . Three of the four couples were present at this anniversary rally , which was attended by 66 rigs . This is the largest rally ever in the history of IRV2 , which is the parent website of the Boomers . There have been at least 6 National rallies and none were as large as this one . We are proud to have been a part of several of them and especially this one in Boerne . For those of you that are not familiar with our involvement with the Boomers , in 2005 we were asked to be the Houston area leaders of the Texas Boomers . We had an outing just about every month until my retirement from work , when I gave up my leadership role . We had an outstanding group in Houston and had many , many good times and made a lot of good friends with the group . After the Madame 's speech , everyone left and we came back to our trailers and sat outside chatting with our friends . I managed to stay out until 10 o ' clock or later before turning in . A very enjoyable day and night . Saturday , we went over to the rally hall for a potluck breakfast . One of the problems with a large rally like this one is that the lines are so long for food . We chose table # 7 , but it turned out to be not so lucky . It seemed like an hour before we got to eat , but there was plenty of good food and we had a good time . After breakfast , we had a drawing for door prizes . We won two sets of wipes , one for bug removal and one for waxing the trailer . Stella and some of the girls went into Boerne to walk around the downtown area and shop . I stayed here and watched television and napped . It was a nice peaceful afternoon and we all enjoyed ourselves . Saturday night we went to the " catered " dinner of barbecue and the trimmings . It turned out to be prepared barbecue that had been bought from Sysco , a restaurant food supplier , and warmed up by some of the Posted by I got up this morning and put the big coffee pot outside so there would be plenty of coffee . Bob came over and drank with us and later Stella made some pigs in a blanket for us . Other Boomers started coming in pretty early ; David and Charlotte , Sandy and Rusty , Doug brought his trailer in about 7 : 30 and dropped it off and a whole bunch came in together , Ted and Donna , Ricky and Dee , Tommy and Susan and Jim and LeAnne . This place will be rockin ' soon and the rally doesn 't actually start until tomorrow ! We stayed around the park all afternoon , visiting with our friends . A big bunch went out to eat at the Hungry Horse restaurant and while there , it began to rain really hard . It rained for over an hour , and was still raining when we got back home . It let up after a short while and we were able to sit outside and chat . It was nice outside and it was good to be back with so many of our old friends . So long . Well , today is the start of the big 10th anniversary rally of the Texas Boomers , the group that we have been members of since 2003 . It was the first rally group we participated in and I was honored to be the first Houston Area Leader . I am proud of the records I set as the leader of the group and want to thank all of our members for supporting me . We sat around at our site this morning , drinking coffee with Bob . We walked across to the little taqueria that serves breakfast tacos and had our breakfast . Harry came by and later went to pick up some donuts and got into trouble with Judy for not getting her a fritter . He picked some up for Bob and his girlfriend . We all had fun with that later in the day . We took Bob and Dana to the Explore USA dealership to look at some new trailers . Bob said he might like to look at a toyhauler , so I took him to see the Cyclone line . He said he liked them , and who knows , he may convert from his motorhome to the Cyclone . We met the General Manager of the store , a man named Jeff Benoist ( pronounced Benwah ) whose brother I know well from the Galveston County Sheriff 's Office . We came back home and hung out here . We had decided to go to a little German restaurant called Little Gretal . I called and made reservations for us and when we arrived , there were few people in the restaurant but the food was good . It 's a little pricey , but it was good for a change of pace place to eat . We came home and sat outside of Bob 's motorhome until the yawns caught up with us and we went home about 10 . I am getting into condition to sit outside , since the Boomers will start to arrive in earnest tomorrow . So long . This will be a very short update that catches us up on the last few day 's adventures of sitting in front of the television to stay out of the heat . I did read in this morning 's newspaper that this is the hottest August in Houston 's recorded history . I can certainly believe it ! We 've spent the last few days , not doing much of anything . We did take a ride with Harry and Judy over to Dripping Springs to the New Canaan Farms to pick up some of their delicious wares . It was a nice drive and we all enjoyed it . We like Harry 's new truck too . That King Ranch Edition is sure comfortable . I 'm still looking at trucks but can 't make up my mind over what to do . I 've got the wants for a new truck but not the drive to actually go out and buy one . We went to visit Grandma Willie Mae , my step - mom , yesterday . We had a nice visit with her and watched as a wrecker came to pick up her car that wouldn 't start . A repairman came by to look at it in her driveway , but recommended that a wrecker be called to bring it into their shop . They were in a wrecker , but they would have had to charge for the service and she has AAA which gives her free wrecker service . I offered to pay them to pick up her car , but she said that was too much trouble . She would have had to send in the bill to be reimbursed and with AAA , all she has to do is sign the ticket and it 's paid . I can see her point . We came back home but along the way , I stopped and fueled up at the Valero service station . They have as low a price for fuel as anyone in Boerne , but I opted for the car wash and got . 10 per gallon off my fuel price ! Wow , what a deal ! The truck needs washing but if I washed it here in the park , I would have had to pay for a " permit " , which was more than the car wash cost at Valero and I got 10 cents off per gallon of diesel . I took 18 gallons to go 293 . 7 miles for a 16 . 3 MPG average . With the truck looking all spiffy , we came on home and relaxed . We had stopped to eat at Ryan 's in New Braunfels ( $ 4 . 99 per person on the senior discount , including drinks ) so we were doPosted by |
Here is the thatched pavilion that we took over for our stay . It is right across the street from our trailers and very shady and cool . We left our chairs there the entire time we were in the park . Here is a closer shot of " our " pavilion . This park is beautifully landscaped with plants and flowers that attract butterflies and hummingbirds . It does require a lot of maintenance to keep it looking like this , but it 's worth it . I don 't know what these plants are called but they are certainly pretty and do a good job of attracting butterflies and hummingbirds . We enjoyed our stay at Bentsen Palms Village . Ted and Donna and Stella and I went across the border to buy our medicines . We spent a lot of money , but we bought a year 's supply of our medications so it was worth it . It is definitely different in Mexico this time of year . Workers were cleaning the bridge walkways and getting ready for the huge influx of snow birds or Winter Texans that will be arriving very soon . There was little activity compared to what goes on during " the season " and hardly any street vendors were present . So long . Today we went to the Ropas Usadas to show Tommy and Susan where we buy our clothes in the valley . Here are Stella and Susan looking over the huge piles of clothes . If you look behind the loose clothes on the floor , you will see some of the bales of clothes stacked up and waiting for someone to go through them to buy . Here is another shot of the clothes that are piled on the floor . Women will come in and sit down in the middle of the pile , going through the clothes and pulling out what they want to buy . If you will look real closely behind and to the right of the lady squatting in the foreground you will see one . These clothes are bought by the pound , about . 30 per pound , so you can find some real bargains . Some of these clothes come from Goodwill , some come from laundrys that have lost or unclaimed clothing and others come from donation centers . This is not something I would like to do every day , but it is a sight to see ! A person could make money at this by having garage sales , but its not for me or Stella . We enjoy going once while we 're down in the valley but that 's enough for us . So long As you can see , both dogs are getting on very well . Tramp is doing great , and will respond to his name and learning some commands like NO , DOWN , SIT DOWN , STOP , etc . He hasn 't had any accidents in the house but is still learning his way around . Donna fixed some great looking steaks for Ted 's birthday . We all had plenty to eat , and she even made him a key lime pie for dessert . We all had fun together and a fine meal . Thank you Donna . Ted , Donna and Susan moving a table for us to eat on . We all loved the setting in this park . The owner and staff do so much to make it comfortable and very pretty . The winter Texans will be flocking in soon , so we took advantage of having so much room to enjoy ourselves in . Here is Ted setting up the tables and chairs for his birthday supper . This is on a vacant site between our trailers . That 's Nick standing on the ground while he and his guys swarmed all over my trailer , cleaning it up for me . The guys cleaned all three of our rigs and started at 7 : 30AM and didn 't get through until 6 : 30PM . They worked really hard but the two trailers and one motorhome sparkled like new when they got through . So long . Well , the new puppy had a good night . I tried to get him to go lay down with me in bed but he 's apparently never been in bed and ran around excitedly for a few minutes before jumping down and running back into the living room with Stella . When I woke up later , he came into my lap and slept all night long . We didn 't wake until almost 9 o ' clock ! We went outside and drank our coffee with the rest of the group and while there , I met another resident of the park , Don Robidoux . He has been down visiting his son who is moving here from Mexico . We had a nice chat and he left to go meet his son . There aren 't many others staying here right now but that will change next week when the early snowbirds start arriving . We stayed here until after the Dallas - Houston football game and went into Donna for supper . We went to one of our favorites , Martha 's diner which we found the first time we came down here , staying at Casa Del Sol . The diner is right next door to the RV park , so it was really convenient for us , but today it was closed until October 17th when they reopen for the winter Texas season . We ended up going to El Palenque at the suggestion of our friend Bob Wurch . The food was very good and not the usual TexMex food that we are accustomed to but still very good . Speaking of Bob , I learned that his motorhome was broken into at the storage lot , with approximately $ 22 , 000 in damage and stolen items removed from it . He was supposed to have come down here this week but after the damage , he is staying at home . We will miss him . We returned home and sat out in the covered patio across the street from our sites . It is so nice to have everything in the park to ourselves . We visited Ted and Donna here in January when we were down here and know that this is a very nice park during the season , but it has been nice now , during the off season . It has been warm but except for some rain , pretty nice here . So long . We have a new addition to our family , a 6 month old puppy named Tramp . We came to the Don - Wes flea market to show it to Tommy and Susan and luckily for me , I found one of the people that run a booth there had three puppies and we took one of them . He is a Chihuahua / Poodle ( is that ChiPoo or PooChi ? ) mix . Being only six months old , he hasn 't had his shots or any kind of veterinarian testing done yet but as soon as we can get him to a vet , he 'll be all checked out . We started our day by taking Tommy and Susan to Gonzales Burger for lunch . We have eaten here several times before and just because it is the off season for winter Texans , they still serve some of the best burgers you 've ever eaten . The meat is about a 3 / 4 pound patty and cooked to perfection . T & S were very impressed . We learned that many of the attractions that we wanted to show them were either not open or had been closed due to high water in the Rio Grande river , so we 're going to miss several interesting sights here . They will have to come back with us one day during the peak season . After lunch , we went to the Don - Wes flea market which is mostly closed because there are so few people to shop there . This is where we adopted Tramp , so the rest of the afternoon was spent trying to find doggie stuff for him . We got him a doggie bed and a very small collar , but no leash as yet . We came back home and ate a great supper that Tommy had brought us of steaks , baked potatoes and all the trimmings . We also introduced Tramp to his new home . Cassie freaked out when she first saw him , but they are getting on just fine now . So far he has been taken out on a leash several times and does his business every time . He has started to eat and drink but we 'll have to get him his own dishes because Cassie doesn 't want to share . It 's going to be a learning process with a puppy to train and to get used to . Wish us luck . . . So long . Stella set the alarm clock for 7AM . I was already up and had turned the coffee pot on , so we were up in plenty of time to get away early , but somehow it took longer than she thought to get the inside stowed away and ready for travel . I was so far ahead of her that I took time out to take a walk over to the other side of the marina to leave a Heartland contact card on the door of a Sundance trailer . I had noticed the trailer earlier in the week but had not found anyone at home . We got out of the park about 9 : 40 , later than I wanted but still not a bad time to leave . We only made one stop , in Odem , for fuel and a potty break . It rained on us all the way down which slowed us down some but the trip was pretty much uneventful . We pulled into the park right on time , an hour behind the rest of the group , Ted and Donna and Tommy and Susan . The lady in the office told us that she had been waiting for us to arrive , and as soon as we got checked in , she closed the office and went home . It took us just over 5 hours to get here , or just about what we figured . I realized that we needed to make one more stop to stretch and we will make this adjustment on our way back here next weekend . It began to rain on us again so we didn 't get the porch and steps set up but everything else was done . We were tired and wet , so we just knocked off and later went to eat at Furr 's Fresh Buffet in Donna , one of our favorite restaurants up here . We had a very enjoyable meal , however there was one rather funny but sad man that came in while we were eating . He is apparently homeless and was pushing a small cart , like the ones used at flea markets with a mesh type container that apparently contained all of his belongings . It began as funny to see all of the food that he had stacked up on plates but I soon realized that this was probably his first meal in some time . He is probably one of the unfortunately homeless individuals that has to sell aluminum cans or other discarded items to make money , or beg from others to make enough to be able to eat . I did Posted by Again I must apologize for falling behind when there was nothing going on . I guess the reason is that there was little to write about except our meals out . Tuesday was warm and sticky from all the rain we have had . We decided to go to the Blessing Hotel for lunch , which was great home cooked food that we have loved for a long time . Stella had a nice chat with Helen , owner of the restaurant , about many of their common friends including most of Stella 's relatives who still live near Blessing . Wednesday we met Chad and Jana and their kids Gracie and Grant for supper at the Palacios Mexican restaurant . The food was filling but tasteless but we had a nice visit with them . We talked about our trip to Colorado , comparing it to their own . They met us in Las Vegas New Mexico on their way home , and on our way to Colorado Springs . We enjoyed reliving the two trips and the kids especially loved it . Thursday we went to the Outrigger restaurant , a seafood restaurant that we have been enjoying for a long time but the food quality has gone way down . They used to use fresh fish and shrimp but now they have begun using frozen , farm raised items that are tasty but not as good as fresh . We had been given a coupon from the RV park when we checked in for a " buy one get one free " deal at the restaurant . We presented the coupon when we paid the bill and nothing was said but the lady owner followed us outside telling us that they had stopped honoring the coupon some time ago . She said that she would take ours but wanted to know where we had gotten it . We , of course told her , and suggested that she remove all the remaining coupons so this will not come up again . It certainly won 't come up for us again . The bad economy has certainly affected this area . We have noticed many closed businesses including all of the major manufacturer car lots in Bay City and numerous small businesses that have been shuttered . We can only hope that the area will recover soon . So long . Brace yourself for two very dull days in our lives . It continued to rain , very hard at times , so we stayed home most of both days . On Sunday we watched the football games on television and between the Dallas game and the Houston game we went to the local grocery store . We noticed a definite rise in their prices since we were here last , but I guess thats to be expected . I knew the big city would eventually catch up to small town Palacios . Its the only store in town , so the residents don 't have a choice , but after stocking up , we probably won 't be back at the store . Today , Monday , Stella decided to get our clothes washed up and I took her to the laundry . We barely made it back to the trailer before another heavy rain shower came through . We decided to stay home again and not get out in the rain . I looked on the Internet for something interesting to do around here . There is a tiny little museum here in Palacios that we will check out if this rain ever stops . I 'll keep you informed . So long . We didn 't begin to start moving until after 8 o ' clock this morning . Again , we don 't have that far to go today , so there isn 't a real need to get up and on the road . There was a rally in the park that was leaving today and I heard our neighbor out at 4AM , slamming doors and moving around and when I did get up to look , after 7 : 30 , they were gone . Of course , I don 't know how far they were going so there may have been a very good reason for them to be up and packing . We still pulled out at 10 o ' clock , so all was well . It began raining on us on our way down Hwy . 288 and it rained on us all the way into the park . It had about stopped when we arrived , so Stella got chatty with the lady in the office , long enough that it began to storm on us by the time we tried to get back into the truck . We just stayed in the office until the rain slacked up some before going out to drive to our site . We ran inside and put the slides out until the rain stopped enough for me to go back out and get the setup chores done . We arrived a few minutes after 3 but it took us until 5 to get fully set up . I had to change shirts twice while setting up , but I got it done . We stayed in for the rest of the night . We had talked about going to the grocery store but I found the USA channel on the channel selection , so I stayed in my chair and got caught up on NCIS . I haven 't gotten my fix since we left Colorado except for the regular channel show that only comes on once a week . It continued to rain off and on all afternoon and into the evening , so it would have been a miserable time to go out and we didn 't need anything bad enough to get out . I can tell you it made for some very good sleeping ! We are looking forward to a very relaxing week here in Palacios . We are very sorry that we missed Stella 's family reunion but there 's always next year . Of course , we don 't know at this point where we might be but we 'll try to get here . The lady in the office really tried to sell us on staying here for the winter . She said they will have an activities director and craftsPosted by We woke this morning , still upbeat about the possibility of a new truck . I was somewhat disappointed when we didn 't hear from Greg early in the morning , but he had told us that he was very involved in being a coach for his son , so I figured he might have gotten tied up with something for the football team . He finally called but it was after eleven in the morning and the news wasn 't good at all . He said he couldn 't get a very good interest rate and would need a signed buyer order before he could have the truck transferred . I wasn 't willing to sign anything until we had a firm deal , and wasn 't about to get caught in a squeeze , so we declined the deal . I really figured that he would call and say he found some good interest money , but he didn 't so we went about our business . We decided to go back to Nacogdoches to look at another RV park for future trips up here . We found one that was decent , the Paradise Lake Resort , and made a note of it for reference . Since it was so late in the day , there wasn 't time to leave and get to Palacios at a decent time , so we just extended our stay by one more day . We returned home and hung out until later in the afternoon when I went outside and took down the porch and a few other things in preparation for leaving in the morning . Stella worked on the inside , so we made good progress for our departure . Our neighbors , Don and Chris came by and asked us to sit outside with them later in the evening . They bought a Bighorn model 3385 about four months ago , so we had lots to talk about . I think I gave them some good information and also a contact card from the Heartland Owner 's club . They said they will join the forum and possibly the owner 's club also . We exchanged cards so that we can stay in touch in the future . So long . Today we went over to Center to meet with some other family members for lunch at a place named Pickles and Petunias . They serve a nice selection of lunch - type sandwiches and other selections that were very tasty . We went to Gail and Janie 's house and they drove us over to the restaurant , where we met Dot and her husband David , Barbara , her niece Steely , and Larry . These folks are Janie 's cousins , except of course for Steely , and are all my 2nd cousin . We had a very nice visit with our family and were allowed to sit in our small room for more than an hour , visiting and reminiscing about times past . It was a very good time and we wish we had more time to spend with them . After lunch we returned to the house for coffee and then Gail and I went to the bank where he used to work and Stella and Janie went shopping . Gail introduced me to the bank President , John Snider . You never can tell when I might need a new bank , so it might pay to know John . We returned to the house and looked over the stuff the girls had bought before we left for Garrison . On our way back , I drove past the Dodge dealer and saw several dually pickups on their lot . We decided to stop and look at what they had in stock . We met a very nice salesman named Greg Hubbard , who showed us what they had . They only had one truck with an automatic transmission , but he took us inside and we went over the various models and features that were offered . He did a search of available vehicles and found one that we liked at another dealer . He said he could have it here tomorrow , so we decided not to leave tomorrow as planned so that we could check on this vehicle . We went on back home , excited over the prospect of getting a new truck . Greg promised to call the first thing in the morning with any news . Hang on . . . So long . It was another warm morning in the ArkLaTex as this area is referred to . The other day , when we rode over to Logansport Louisiana , Stella remarked that she didn 't realize that we are as close to Louisiana as we are , although it 's probably 100 miles to the Arkansas border from here . We piddled around in the trailer and I went for a walk around the park before getting ready to go to Nacogdoches to meet Gail and Janie for lunch . They both had doctors appointments there and when they got through , we met them and went to Chili 's for lunch . We had more good chats with them during lunch and after , we went for a short ride around Nacogdoches before returning to our truck . Stella and I checked on some more RV parks in Nacogdoches for future trips up here but didn 't really find anything that we liked . We will keep our eyes peeled for a better park . I called our friends A . D . and his wife Dee this afternoon . We had met them at Stephen F . Austin state park when we had all worked there and wanted to try to meet them . They are at the Tyler State Park , which is relatively nearby , but when we talked on the phone , I learned that they are still having medical problems and couldn 't meet us today . We have plans with the family for tomorrow and will be leaving on Friday for Palacios , so we won 't get to see them at this time . They are returning to SFA in November for follow - up tests at MD Anderson , so perhaps we 'll get to visit with them then . We came on back home and relaxed in the trailer . This park isn 't much , but it 's quiet . A good sized rally group came in today and the place is full , but they seem to be a very quiet bunch . I took another walk around the park but didn 't speak to any of them . I did see a group of them at the rally hall , but didn 't approach them . I wanted to visit some more with my friend Don next door , but they seemed to be gone , so maybe we can get with them again before we leave . So long . Today was another pretty laid - back day of visiting with my family . We woke here at the park and ate breakfast here before going back over to Center to spend lunch and the afternoon . We stopped off at a station and added some fuel because we had trouble getting the nozzle out from between the tank and the side of the bed , so I elected to just buy some fuel to fill the tank here . As soon as we got to the house , Gail and I left for his Rotary club meeting at the Civic Center . The Civic Center is brand new and near the new Holiday Inn and another new hotel being built . Many of the business people in Center were at this meeting , including the Sheriff of Shelby County and one of his high ranking deputies , Mike Tollette . I knew Mike when he worked for the Friendswood Police Dept . and I worked for the Dickinson Police Dept . It was good to see an old friend and we reminisced about old times in Galveston County . The lady that is the President of the Rotary club came to the table to write down my name . When she asked me for my name , I told her what it was , but she said " no , your name is Russ " . I spelled my name for her and she wrote something down but when she introduced me , she said my name was Russ Coleman . I don 't know where she got that name but later in the program , Gail corrected my name and we all had a good laugh about her mistake . The meeting was very nice and I enjoyed meeting so many friendly people . We came back to the house and had a nice visit for the rest of the afternoon . Gail had a bank meeting to go to , but we had some good conversation with Janie . We agreed to meet in Nacogdoches tomorrow for lunch and set up a lunch with some other family members on Thursday . So long . We woke this morning to a little cooler temperatures . It threatened rain last night but I don 't think it ever rained and while I was talking to Janie , we both heard thunder . Before we hung up , she said it was pouring down rain in Center . Whatever the reason , it was cooler this morning . After eating breakfast in the trailer , I went for a walk around the park . This time I walked down to the lake to see what it was like . It is very small and seemed to be man made to me . There are concrete walls with a diving board on one end . I have read that it is spring fed , so it may be that someone just improved on the original lake and made it more user friendly for guest use . We drove over to Center to Janie 's house today . We stopped off at a Whataburger in Timpson and drove the 30 miles or so to Center . Center 's population has always been pretty small and the city limit sign said there are 5800 people living here now but it seemed to be much bigger and busier than I remembered . I had many family members that lived here as a youth , but sadly most of them are now gone . I have many memories of coming to Center to visit and later remembered that when I was about 8 months old , we actually moved to Center to live for a short time . I drove Stella by some of the old houses where family lived . When we arrived at Gail and Janie 's house , and after hugs and handshakes , we decided to go for a ride around Center and some of the nearby towns . Gail drove us over to Joaquin and over into Louisiana to Logansport . Gail is the former president of the bank here in Center and also in the chicken business , which is a huge business in east Texas . He stays on top of all things connected to business in and around Center so it was a very informative trip . We all enjoyed the drive and even found a new RV park for us to check out for another trip . We came back to the house and sat outside on the back patio , chatting and eating appetizers and drinking some wine . It was nice and cool and we had a very nice visit . Janie had fixed us a delicious meal of chicken Posted by Here are a small herd of deer that is grazing behind our trailer here at the Lake Tonkawa RV park . One of the bucks in the herd . The lady in the office said this was a Blackbuck deer . I don 't believe I 've ever seen these kind of deer , but they are raising some here at this park . There are the Blackbuck deer and also Fallow deer being kept here . Very pretty animals . They didn 't seem frightened at all and I could likely have gotten even closer to them but I didn 't . We were tired today from yesterday 's drive up here from Boerne , so we decided to just stay in today . I went outside this morning and met our neighbor , who also has a Bighorn trailer . His name is Don and we had a nice chat about our trailers and trucks in general . He drives a Dodge and said he is very happy with it . Based upon my recent dealings with Chevrolet dealers , I will likely look at some Dodge trucks when we get back to Rayford . We just hung out and watched football on television . If you can believe it , I even took a nap . I think I have slept more in my recliner than I have in the bed . I went for a walk around the park , which is not very far , but I did get out for awhile . I talked to my aunt Janie on the telephone and we made plans to get together tomorrow and other days in the week , so we will have a good time with her and her husband Gail . We are looking forward to seeing them . In the evening , we watched the Dallas Cowboys get beaten by the Washington Redskins . It was a wonderful day , the Houston Texans won and the Dallas Cowboys lost . Life is good . So long . We got up this morning on our last day here . We were the first ones in and the last one out . This is the day that we all dread , the day we had to pack up and leave . I had already taken the porch down , so that helped . I went down to the donut store and bought us all something for breakfast and we all sat out at our table to have breakfast . It was our last meal with Tommy and Susan until we get to Mission . Tommy was more prepared than we were and he and Susan pulled out about 9 o ' clock , but we worked steadily and made it out around 11 . We made the long drive to Garrison without incident except that the Low Coolant light came back on . I carefully watched the coolant temperature and it never budged , so I am confident that whatever is wrong is something minor . It 's just a matter of finding the problem . We pulled into the Lake Tonkawa park , which doesn 't have too many amenities . There is no wifi , no cable television , no pool although there the lake here for swimming . We haven 't seen it yet but I 'm sure it is nice . I know one thing , this place is secluded ! We drove down the road that was apparently cut out of a piney wood forest . It is waaaay back in the woods and very shady but there is not a breath of wind in here so its really , really hot . We 've got 50 amp service and are not paying for electricity , so we 'll give both our air conditioners a good workout this week . So long . This is the Waring General Store . The title is misleading because it is a beer joint / short order restaurant . It 's a great place to eat burgers , and a good deal on Wednesdays with their $ 20 . 00 special steak night deal including a band . Here are Stella , Susan and I in the back yard of the general store . There are tables outside too , so I assume that you can hear the band outside . We are sorry we were early and would have stayed for the band performance except we had to get back for our dogs . This is one of the RV sites at Huaco ( pronounced Waco ) Springs RV park . These are very nice sites overlooking the Guadalupe river and would a good place to go for a few days . Looking down the river just below the RV site pictured above . As you can see , it is a beautiful site . One of the falls at the park . I don 't remember these falls from our other visits to this area , so they may be man - made . The other fall at the park . Perhaps my kids can remember these falls and will remind me . We made many trips to New Braunfels to visit my Dad and came down to River Road every time . Looking upriver from near the falls . The trees are large and beautiful along the river and we always loved driving down the road . All these pictures were taken with my I Phone camera which is probably the last pics that you will see from this camera . I 'm certain that you will be able to tell the difference . So long . It began raining here on Tuesday and rained all day long . We all stayed inside while the remaining Boomers pulled out in the morning . Susan and I tried to take a walk during one of the lulls in the rain and we took shelter in the covered patio behind the office . It finally quit raining and we went on back to our rigs . We all got a little " stir crazy " after being cooped up all day and went for a ride up to Kerrville to the Gibsons store there . We all looked around the store and we bought a new Weber grill . We have needed a new grill for awhile and there was a good price on it here , so we bought it . We rode around Kerrville for awhile and stopped at the Lakeside restaurant for a good meal . Wednesday it kept on raining as a result of hurricane Hermine . We stayed inside again until the afternoon when we decided to go look at RV 's . It had stopped raining , so we went to one store that sold a lot of motorhomes but about the time we stepped out , it began raining again , so we tried another store down the street , and looked at a couple of units before the rains came again . Patti Kerlin had suggested trying the hamburgers at a General Store in Waring , a very small community about ten miles out of Boerne . When we got there , we found the store was closed but should reopen soon . We sat down outside at some tables along with a band that was playing there tonight . When the cook returned , he told us about their Wednesday night specials that offered a steak dinner with all the fixin 's , a selection of appetizers that were all you can eat and your drinks for $ 20 . Wow , what a deal ! We were sorry that we couldn 't stay but we had our great hamburgers and came on back home . The burgers were everything Patti had told us they were , everything was grilled and the burger was very juicy , just the way we like them . We came back to the park and hung out the rest of the night . It was very pleasant at night and we sat outside until we all got tired about 9 o ' clock . Thursday it quit raining and we rode into San Antonio to look at a couple of RV parPosted by Sunday morning , we went to the rally hall for " zippy omelettes " . These are simply eggs that are cracked into a heavy - duty baggie with ingredients of your choice added . Then the omelettes are dropped into a pot of boiling water for fifteen minutes and out comes a perfectly round omelet . We had a good time at breakfast with our friends and again , and I saw a lot more people that I have not seen in years . We had some good visits before everyone before the omelettes were ready . After breakfast , Madame Boomer spoke about the Boomers present . The state - wide club is down by one area leader , in the hill country and Mike and Amber Brown , who took our place in Houston , were absent due to some medical procedures that Amber is going through right now . We hope they have some good luck in the future . In the afternoon , some of the girls went shopping again and Stella went to play games in the rally hall . She and some others played LCR , a dice game and luckily , she won some money ! I stayed at home and kept my recliner from floating away . I have discovered that if I don 't do this , the recliner just somehow levitates . I would hate it if we came home one day and found the recliner had escaped from the trailer . . . There was another potluck supper tonight , but we decided to go back to the Hungry Horse one more time . About eight of us went and as always we had a great meal and good conversations . We came back home and went over to see the 20 foot banana split that had been prepared for us . It was delicious and I would have taken a picture of it but I forgot my camera . Take my word for it , it was yummy ! We came back to Ricky and Dee 's trailer and sat outside until after ten o ' clock again with several of our friends . There were only a few others that sat out at night , which was unusual for the Boomer group . They usually have bonfires and music until the quiet hour starts around ten o ' clock at night but not this time . Monday was the day that everyone had dreaded , the day almost everyone had to go back home . Tommy and Susan stayed behind and BaPosted by Friday , the remainder of the attendees arrived and got all set up . We had an informal sandwich meal scheduled for tonight . Madame Boomer ( Sandy ) gave a talk on the history of the Boomers , which was started by four couples that met in Kerrville . Three of the four couples were present at this anniversary rally , which was attended by 66 rigs . This is the largest rally ever in the history of IRV2 , which is the parent website of the Boomers . There have been at least 6 National rallies and none were as large as this one . We are proud to have been a part of several of them and especially this one in Boerne . For those of you that are not familiar with our involvement with the Boomers , in 2005 we were asked to be the Houston area leaders of the Texas Boomers . We had an outing just about every month until my retirement from work , when I gave up my leadership role . We had an outstanding group in Houston and had many , many good times and made a lot of good friends with the group . After the Madame 's speech , everyone left and we came back to our trailers and sat outside chatting with our friends . I managed to stay out until 10 o ' clock or later before turning in . A very enjoyable day and night . Saturday , we went over to the rally hall for a potluck breakfast . One of the problems with a large rally like this one is that the lines are so long for food . We chose table # 7 , but it turned out to be not so lucky . It seemed like an hour before we got to eat , but there was plenty of good food and we had a good time . After breakfast , we had a drawing for door prizes . We won two sets of wipes , one for bug removal and one for waxing the trailer . Stella and some of the girls went into Boerne to walk around the downtown area and shop . I stayed here and watched television and napped . It was a nice peaceful afternoon and we all enjoyed ourselves . Saturday night we went to the " catered " dinner of barbecue and the trimmings . It turned out to be prepared barbecue that had been bought from Sysco , a restaurant food supplier , and warmed up by some of the Posted by I got up this morning and put the big coffee pot outside so there would be plenty of coffee . Bob came over and drank with us and later Stella made some pigs in a blanket for us . Other Boomers started coming in pretty early ; David and Charlotte , Sandy and Rusty , Doug brought his trailer in about 7 : 30 and dropped it off and a whole bunch came in together , Ted and Donna , Ricky and Dee , Tommy and Susan and Jim and LeAnne . This place will be rockin ' soon and the rally doesn 't actually start until tomorrow ! We stayed around the park all afternoon , visiting with our friends . A big bunch went out to eat at the Hungry Horse restaurant and while there , it began to rain really hard . It rained for over an hour , and was still raining when we got back home . It let up after a short while and we were able to sit outside and chat . It was nice outside and it was good to be back with so many of our old friends . So long . Well , today is the start of the big 10th anniversary rally of the Texas Boomers , the group that we have been members of since 2003 . It was the first rally group we participated in and I was honored to be the first Houston Area Leader . I am proud of the records I set as the leader of the group and want to thank all of our members for supporting me . We sat around at our site this morning , drinking coffee with Bob . We walked across to the little taqueria that serves breakfast tacos and had our breakfast . Harry came by and later went to pick up some donuts and got into trouble with Judy for not getting her a fritter . He picked some up for Bob and his girlfriend . We all had fun with that later in the day . We took Bob and Dana to the Explore USA dealership to look at some new trailers . Bob said he might like to look at a toyhauler , so I took him to see the Cyclone line . He said he liked them , and who knows , he may convert from his motorhome to the Cyclone . We met the General Manager of the store , a man named Jeff Benoist ( pronounced Benwah ) whose brother I know well from the Galveston County Sheriff 's Office . We came back home and hung out here . We had decided to go to a little German restaurant called Little Gretal . I called and made reservations for us and when we arrived , there were few people in the restaurant but the food was good . It 's a little pricey , but it was good for a change of pace place to eat . We came home and sat outside of Bob 's motorhome until the yawns caught up with us and we went home about 10 . I am getting into condition to sit outside , since the Boomers will start to arrive in earnest tomorrow . So long . This will be a very short update that catches us up on the last few day 's adventures of sitting in front of the television to stay out of the heat . I did read in this morning 's newspaper that this is the hottest August in Houston 's recorded history . I can certainly believe it ! We 've spent the last few days , not doing much of anything . We did take a ride with Harry and Judy over to Dripping Springs to the New Canaan Farms to pick up some of their delicious wares . It was a nice drive and we all enjoyed it . We like Harry 's new truck too . That King Ranch Edition is sure comfortable . I 'm still looking at trucks but can 't make up my mind over what to do . I 've got the wants for a new truck but not the drive to actually go out and buy one . We went to visit Grandma Willie Mae , my step - mom , yesterday . We had a nice visit with her and watched as a wrecker came to pick up her car that wouldn 't start . A repairman came by to look at it in her driveway , but recommended that a wrecker be called to bring it into their shop . They were in a wrecker , but they would have had to charge for the service and she has AAA which gives her free wrecker service . I offered to pay them to pick up her car , but she said that was too much trouble . She would have had to send in the bill to be reimbursed and with AAA , all she has to do is sign the ticket and it 's paid . I can see her point . We came back home but along the way , I stopped and fueled up at the Valero service station . They have as low a price for fuel as anyone in Boerne , but I opted for the car wash and got . 10 per gallon off my fuel price ! Wow , what a deal ! The truck needs washing but if I washed it here in the park , I would have had to pay for a " permit " , which was more than the car wash cost at Valero and I got 10 cents off per gallon of diesel . I took 18 gallons to go 293 . 7 miles for a 16 . 3 MPG average . With the truck looking all spiffy , we came on home and relaxed . We had stopped to eat at Ryan 's in New Braunfels ( $ 4 . 99 per person on the senior discount , including drinks ) so we were doPosted by |
After she slammed the door of her room , it was so difficult for her thoughts to take her to a clear place . She sat on her bed recalling the happiest days she spent with her ex Mark , who she just broke up with ; but she still couldn 't believe that he was cheating on her . Suzan was still under shock ; she wasn 't aware of anything around her , not even the noises that were sneaking into her room that were caused by her siblings . The noises entered the room but not her hearing ; she was living in denial for hours , but the only words she was speaking out were : " Oh dear God , I was with the Devil . " The story started a year ago when Suzan met Mark at a wedding party . Back then , Mark was sitting at the party alone , smoking and drinking a lot . It seems he was in another world , away from all the people who surrounded him . Every time the lights fell on him , his teary eyes were exposed to some friends , but none of them had the ability to ease his pain , or make him talk to forget it . He had been like that for months since his ex left him for no reason . Suzan was also suffering from her ex , but had now moved on after facing tough times . She is now stronger than before , or at least that 's what she thinks . She promised herself that she won 't open her heart to anyone until she finds the right guy who deserves her heart . But destiny had another plan for both of them . " Excuse me , " Suzan said and continued " would you please stop smoking ? " Mark didn 't give her any attention simply because he didn 't hear her . Suzan noticed that , tapped on his shoulder , and said " Are you okay ? " Mark gave Suzan a glimpse and then looked back deeply in her eyes and said , " Oh sorry , what did you say ? " Suzan smiled and tried to show some sense of humor and said , " I said the weather is nice tonight . " Mark smiled back and then laughed , looking at her with this bright smile and the sound of her laughter made him feel something he couldn 't explain . Mark felt that he wanted to keep on talking to this young pretty lady who showed up out of nowhere . He felt as if he knew her for ages and she felt that his teary eyes hid unspoken words that were killing any trace of happiness on his face , and felt that he was even faking his smile . The party soon ended and his friends were surprised that he spent the last two hours of the party talking to a new girl or at least talking . Mark asked Suzan about her phone number and he gave her his number hoping to see her again . Days past and the few minutes they spent talking on the phone with each other at the beginning expanded to hours later on . Mark told Suzan about his story : he was in love with a girl who meant the world to him but then she started to ignore his phone calls and never let him meet up with her and he knew later that she was cheating on him . Since then he was changed into another person who was drinking and smoking a lot and who barely ate . He told Suzan that he had lost his real happiness and she noticed that he also lost a lot of weight and looked powerless . These long conversations turned into long meetings between Mark and Suzan . Mark started to have feelings towards Suzan ; she was a girl full of passion who has a very caring and lovely heart . She stood beside Mark and helped him return back to his happiness . One day he took her on a ride , " Where are we going ? " she asked . He looked at her and said , " To a very nice place . " They reached the place ; it was a rocky road and the moment she took a look at the view , she felt dizzy . He parked the car on the edge and the whole town was below . Suzan got out of the car and was amazed by the view . " Wow what a wonderful place " , she said . " I knew you would love it " , he replied . He turned on the Radio and asked her to dance with him ; these were the moments that she cherished the most , being with the person who became her world and feeling that she 's being protected from the world are all feelings beyond description . That place on the edge was saving all of Suzan 's happy moments , even though it was scary but it was a secure place in her eyes especially when he took her hand and started to dance . But sometimes living all this happiness has a price that one of them will pay … With days , Suzan noticed that Mark 's behavior was changing . She was asking him constantly if there was anything going on with him and he always replied with " I 'm fine but it 's work that 's distracting me from you . I 'll make it up to you , I promise " . One day Mark forgot he was supposed to meet her and she was waiting for him but he never even called to apologize for not showing up . Suzan had her own concerns and she exposed them to Mark and said , " Are you back with your Ex , Mark ? " He gave her a quick glimpse and looked away and answered , " Are you insane ? I would never get back with someone who betrayed me . " Suzan looked at him and asked again " Okay then , do you have another new girl in your life ? If you do , please let me know and I will leave you but don 't lie to me . " Mark was very angry and he gave her a bad attitude by saying , " If you are trying to find an excuse to leave me because you have someone new , go ahead and let me know . " His words entered her heart like a knife , especially that she was leaving the country for a month , and she didn 't feel that he would miss her . She felt that he couldn 't wait until she left and now he said these poisoned words that made her feel that this relationship will die soon ; something wrong was going on and it was not her fault at all . She asked him to take her back home , but after he apologized for losing his temper , he didn 't forget to turn on the music and dance . However , this time she couldn 't feel secure while he 's holding her ; she wanted the music to stop to have an excuse to stay away from him . She felt his lies just by him looking in her eyes and his hands were so cold and so was his heart because when he said " I love you " , she couldn 't say anything back . She couldn 't say something she didn 't feel at the moment , but instead she said , " I 'm going to miss you " . On their way back to her place he said , " All I want you to do is to be happy and enjoy your vacation honey . I want you to be happy , don 't think of me or anySuzan left her country to California to spend a month with her relatives , but Mark 's last words were still in her ears . She was so confused and so lost . After she arrived , she kept receiving emails from Mark but only for one week . After that , Mark never replied her emails , and her vacation turned into a sort of jail . She was supposed to enjoy her time and the only thing he asked her to do is to have fun and go out , but with his strange behavior she felt as if she was a prisoner of her painful doubts . Three weeks passed and Suzan called Mark because she was so worried . He answered the phone in a very cold manner that made her think she dialed the wrong number . However , the voice was Mark 's and after a short conversation between them , Suzan asked him why he never replied to her last messages and he replied , " Suzan , honey I 'm working here , I have lot of work , and I 'm facing a lot of problems at work . " Suzan never said anything except when he asked her when she 's coming back and she told him next week . She was spending her time on the beach that day and after she hung up , she looked at the sea and the angry waves that were breaking on her feet . She cried a lot because she was so wounded and scared . On her way back home , Suzan spent hours crying on the plane ; she had not enjoyed her trip . All she wanted to do is to arrive home and end everything with Mark . But as usual , he never agreed when she told him they should break up ; his fake excuses showed up every time saying , " I was so busy honey , you know things are going at work . I 'm sorry if I gave you a hard time " . But Suzan asked him again , " Are you back with your ex ? Listen if there is a new girl , even if your ex is back , you can still tell me I will help you to get back to her but don 't ever lie tome or even betray me Mark . All your actions show that you don 't care anymore and I don 't want to be with a person where I will be last in his life . You changed a lot Mark ; you are a very different person now " . She looked away trying to hide herDoubts started to turn out to be facts in Suzan 's eyes . The more she found out lies about him , the more she felt something was missing in her heart . He always denied that he has anyone in his life but her hunch always told her that he has another one and not just anyone but his Ex specifically . When we have doubts , we feel the pain of not knowing the truth , and when we have a hunch , our heart aches for not believing what people try to tell us . However , when the truth is finally exposed in front of us , our heart breaks . Suzan 's heart broke after the truth was revealed to her . She met a friend who knew about her and Mark but Suzan was surprised after he told her how sorry he is to know that Mark left her . Suzan asked , " Who told you that ? " Her friend said , " No one . I met Mike and his Ex two weeks ago in a party and I thought how hard it is for you to handle this break up . " Suzan felt like she was about to faint . Within moments she recalled the day she met Mark , the person who was broken , barely could eat , killing himself by smoking and drinking , and she recalled his teary eyes and voice when he said , " You are the first person I talk to in a very long time . " And then she recalled his words when they started to hang out together when he used to say , " You have a wonderful smile sweet lady , it brings happiness to my broken heart . " She also remembered how she used to feel after he says how much he 's broken inside and since then she promised herself to make him the happiest person on earth again . Suzan 's heart felt so heavy , and her legs were paralyzed . She couldn 't even breathe but surprisingly she never shed a tear ; she was watching her friend 's lips moving but she couldn 't hear a single word . She got home and wanted to call Mark to tell him about the bitter truth she just found out about him , to scream and let out all the pain inside of her broken heart . She wanted to call to ask him why he did that to her because it was just not fair . She never wished to see him again ; she didn 't have the power to see a person who stabbed her in the back . But her short messages to him were just to inform him that she knew about his lies and his return to his Ex and the only one question she asked was : " Why didn 't you let me go when I asked you to many times ? Why didn 't you face me with the truth when I asked you if you got back to her ? " His reply was long and full of excuses and lies again , and a sentence that drew a sarcastic smile on her face when he said , " You will always be a very special woman to me . " Suzan 's life was affected by Mark 's absence for many months . She was acting as if she 's fine and doesn 't care , but she collapsed every night she climbed into bed . The memories that she shared with Mark were increasing her pain . His voice kept coming to her ears after he set a song and said , " Let 's dance . " She recalled his hand taking hers softly , and how secure she felt just by hearing him breathe . She recalled how their light steps were moving and their souls were flying high with happiness . Suzan wondered how could he fake the tenderness I felt , how could he look me in the eye and lie ? How could he ignore the truth when I asked him about his Ex ? How could he dance on my wounds happily ? She thought , " Oh , Dear God , I was dancing with the Devil " … . She never thought he would hurt her because she was standing beside him from the start ; she never thought he would lie to her even when she was sure he was because his eyes held enough tears . She thought he would never cause her pain , she trusted that he would never break her heart because he experienced the depth of the pain to have a broken heart . But he was a devil who took her hand for a bleeding dance . She felt happiness by swaying lightly ; she never felt that she was dancing on her wounds , and never knew that a piece of her heart was breaking with every step she was taking . But now the music is off , the devil left , the place is full of silence that she fears . She 's alone standing on the edge … . She sits in silence her tears pouring down , her hands shivering and dancing to the rhythm of her heart beat . It 's a glimpse into what surrounds her , a past that turns her world around . Calling out names of people who have faded away , nothing in her ears except the echo shaking her cold body . Nothing in her eyes but tears , she 's a woman in black living moments of fear … What covered her soul with sadness ? What made her wings too weak to fly as high as she had dreamed ? She had been an angel with a pure heart , no wounds caused by lies , not afraid to walk in the sunshine , wise and full of life . Now she 's an aching heart , dancing in the dark with broken wings . When she falls and another wound appears on her body , she 's content with her bleeding skin . But there are other wounds that are hidden inside of her heart . She heads to her closet to pick a colorful dress , maybe it can help her to take a step to happiness , she hope so anyway . If she could change the colour she wears , picking her favorite dress with a broken smile , she thinks she might change her dark mood for a colorful one . But standing in front of her mirror , what she sees is herself wearing black again , how come she wondered looking down , it 's a colorful dress , but a glimpse into the mirror and it 's black again … It 's the reflection of her aching soul in the mirror , that can 't allow her to be happy , won 't allow her to fool herself by covering her body with a colorful dress . She 's not smart enough to fool her soul , it 's not about her body , it 's about what lies within . When skin is wounded it bleeds , but then it heals . Maybe there will be a scar as a reminder of the wound , maybe not . But when her soul is wounded , it is a hurt without bleeding or screaming , and she is lost in a body that doesn 't know what to do . A wounded prisoner in a sad body , that can 't give up , yet can 't escape . That is the blackness in the woman 's soul … She would break her mirror to destroy the truth she 's denying … . The truth that hurts , the truth that would always be there … Leaving her room the pieces of her mirror cover the floor , they seem to her like shards of her aching soul … . Please Lord give me strength she screams silently , asking for the power to feel strong enough , to stand up on her own again . She has faith to ask God for help , to look up in prayer when everything else would turn her down . When none of those passing can give their hands to help her up , only God is willing to do that . She knows that all those who came her way may be good people , but still they turned , to become a pain in her life , turned now into illusion . The love she gave taken for granted , the friends she trusted have left her alone with doubt , and those who passed away have left her with a dead heart and a soul in pain , turning her days into black . So many questions she asks hersShe 's a young woman who was surrounded by big numbers of friends , but started to lose them one by one until she ended up alone . She has memories that she keeps of things she can 't feel or see any more . The breeze touching her face , the flowers and the trees playing in breeze , the giggling of kids and their innocent faces . Recalling them makes her feel a little alive , but all that she hears is a killing silence that she fears . She can feel the happiness of other women with their children and their men when they are pass her by , but yet she can 't dare to wish to have a family and kids too . It 's spring time and the sun is shining outside , she touches her lips making sure she 's smiling , heads to her closet to try to figure out which colorful dress to wear , picking her blue dress , she never looks at her mirror . Standing on her balcony she tries to be strong , a passing neighbor tells her she looks good today , she smiles , forgets herself and goes to see herself in the mirror , all she sees is black . Her soulful eyes fill with tears , ruining her make up , she breaks down on the floor , and breaks another mirror , it 's not her mirrors fault . Darkness is covering her life . There is only her faith left now to light up her way . She searches again and again through her faith to re - find her security and joy . She 's a blind woman fighting every day to find her way back to happiness . In the past she was a happy girl full of life . They all see her as the girl in the ever - changing colourful dresses , she has her own world . In her sight everything has changed , she has forgotten the sensation of being happy , she accepts the bitter fact , she 's a woman in black . For the young guy Jason , nothing would be the same , losing the only girl he loved is a fact he has to accept . Through the years since he had met her , she had been like a soft breeze who made his life different in a good way . After suffering from very painful issues through the years , she was like almost the breath he takes , meeting her had been the only thing to make him forget his grief … But like every guy , he had a dream to achieve , and he wanted to achieve that dream , regardless of who will lose on his way to reaching that success . He lost his track , the company he kept , the places that hold nothing but sins , he was losing the meaning of his life , he was losing the person he loved most . Achieving his dream became nothing but an excuse to do whatever he wanted to do , to run from himself and forget . From what he had been through since he lost his dad when he was a little baby . His father left his mother and him before he got to know him . And when he got used to the presence of the man who took his father 's place in his life , just when he started calling him dad , his step - father passed away . To Jason , that felt like losing his real dad , and left him in a lot of pain . Between knowing that his real father was still alive , but also feeling the grief of losing the person who taught him the real meaning of fatherhood , Jason was living his life searching for something he thought he would never find . He was searching for himself . The challenges he faced , the questions without answer he used to ask were to satisfy his curiosity . He was the guy with a big heart trying to find the lost part himself . Singing and playing music was the only things that helped him to find peace in the world . Since he was seven years old he had dreamed of being a singer one day . Even when he grew up that thought never left his mind . But life always has something to surprise him , and when he was twenty his mother passed away , leaving her young guy in the middle of nowhere . She was the one who supported him , she was his shoulder to cry on . She raised him in a great way and used to encourage him to chase his dream . Losing his mother would lead Jason onto the wrong track . Though his friends were there for him , his mother 's loss blinded his eyes and his soul and he lost his faith in everything . Losing his faith drove him into many sins , he turned his back on his good friends and never wanted to hear from them . Even the girl who he loved , he was blind enough to break her heart . He was living in denial . Denying himself , his friends , his faith , he was moving slowly into a long dark tunnel without even noticing it . As the years passed , Jason walked deeper and deeper in the darkness . He was attracted to it , through his mourning for the loss of his mom , for his step - dad , and even for the first loss he had before he recognized that he had , his real dad . Life was a battle for Jason , achieving his dream took him in a wrong direction , and in achieving it he also achieved everything he never wanted . But a wake - up call was sent to him and he opened his eyes to the bitter facts . He didn 't only lose his family , he had also lost himself . He looked around at the people who entered his life and have a bad affect on his behavior . Though he used to feel relief when he prayed , he started to fear God due to all the mistakes he had made . He had been lost for many years , but now once again his mother 's spirit surrounded him , and woke him up before he was For Jason , waking as if after he had slept for years , not only was his head heavy and aching , but even his soul . He felt that he filled it with sins , and filled his girl 's heart with agony and wounds . He recalled all the chances he missed , recollecting all the photos that held both of them , he missed being with her . Running back to her , hoping to have another chance , he called her name but she ignored him . He visited her , and although she opened the door she considered him a stranger … His tears were pouring asking for forgiveness , but her heart was frozen due to the wounds he had caused . With those wounds still wide open , she couldn 't give him one last chance , she couldn 't even bear to touch his hand . What did I do to the girl I loved the most he tried to recall , but refreshing his memory made him feel guilty for the love he had pushed away . Nothing good was left in his life , blaming himself , crying all the time , even the dream he held since he was little boy had let him down . He thought that singing was the thing that he most wanted to do , however , he stepped on everyone 's who cared for him just to achieve his dream . Between all his losses , he had , he lost himself too . He had let other 's down , he disappointed them when they were ready to do anything to stand by his side . He had pushed them all away , and now he had to stand up alone , trying to get to his faith back , and trying to rebuild his life . Sitting on his sofa , holding his guitar and singing his sad songs about himself , imagining his life as a movie that can never be happy one . The images he has in his mind are ones that were never captured on camera , those are the most valuable images , of those he loved the most , but who he is now sitting alone without . It 's not easy to be away from someone who filled your life with love , the emptiness it leaves is painful . Jason tried his best to ask his girl to give him one last chance , but all she gave him was a reflection of the way he had treated her . It 's hard to keep chasing someone when they are ruHe waited and hoped for a last chance to show her that he had changed . But whenever he met her and felt her hands like ice , no feelings appeared in her eyes … He stood there in silence watching her taking another step away from him , every step causing a new wound in his heart . It doesn 't matter now for her , but for him he 's dying silently and begging the Lord for a miracle to make her turn back , look at him and give him one last chance . She never did , and he gave up asking for her forgiveness , what was broken can never be rebuild again . Things could never be the same , there would always be a scar to remind them , there would always be tears shed when recalling the reason for this scar … . Just like when we see the sun disappearing behind the sea , we miss the moment when we take their love for granted , when we do the things that hurt them and push them away , it never occurs to us until we watch them fading away , only then we know how much they means to us . It is our decision to lose those we love , but we watch them leaving and only then realize we are left with just the darkness and the night … . Jason realized how he let his losses affect his life , by trying to forget the loss of his mother he had suffered other losses , the only girl he loved and who will never be back to his life , and himself too . So he gathered the pieces of his broken heart . He knew the mistakes he made and learned a lot from them . He doesn 't want to ask anyone to give him a chance anymore . He 's a new guy now , working on himself to be better person . Though the scars will always be there , though the tears will always flow when he misses her , it was his choice and he 's paying the price for making them . Playing his guitar and singing to entertain himself , he 's back on the right track now . He 's now aware , more than ever , he won 't ask anyone for another chance to forgive him . If people don 't want to see that he deserves it , then let it be . As for him , he will give himself one last chance , because he knows he deserves it . People make mistakes but the most important thing is that you know you are on the wrong track and get back to right one . If you apologize for what you did , that is the first step on your way to change . If they don 't accept your apology , never beg others to give you a chance . " Please stop " . How many people have shouted these words ? And how many others scream it silently on the inside ? When a person forgets that the one they hurt is a human too , the violence can cross the limits and can so easily end in death . How many families are facing this issue ? I prefer to name it " disease " or " addiction " , when the human mind stops working , stops thinking , then the path is open to violence in their thoughts . When their brain stops working , from holding them back from beating their victim , they forget who is this person they are looking at , if it 's their mother , their child , their sister or even their wife . They become addicted to beating others . It may take away all their anger and the stress for them , but puts it all on the wrong person . It 's a disease indeed , it is spread all over the world , and destroys families and lives . How many women are beaten to death , but no one knows about them ? They might have screamed and begged for mercy , and their children might have seen and witnessed what happened to their mother , but what can a child do ? As much as it affects the mother , it will also affect the kids . Will they be violent with their friends or their own families when they grow up ? Or does the inner injurious they have suffered make them live in fear ? Afraid they cannot protect themselves , will they always consider anyone a danger to their life , because the closest person to them has caused so much damage . Will they always have the fear to die by violence . When I think about those who are violent to others , firstly I believe they don 't know God , because if they do they would fear to hurt his creatures . They are hurting someone of flesh and blood , and the bruises they leave on faces and bodies , the bleeding marks , the fear in the eyes , the insecurity they dig into a soul , and the fearful sleepless nights , they become this wild person who might sneak into the room and hit them if they dared to dream and do not stay awake in fear . Those who cause all this unbearable pain to others don 't know God , or fear him . It is the devil 's work in their soul when their mind stops working , when they stop from thinking wisely and become wild . They have nothing to be grateful for , because if they did they would find peace of mind . We always think , what if we are in their shoes , and we don 't know what they are going through to act like that , but I can 't even imagine being in their shoes . The reason it is so hard to know what they are thinking is simply because they are not thinking . Only imagining a child 's eyes begging someone to stop beating them … It makes me wish if I can do anything to stop this violence that is spread all over the world . Violence has many faces , it 's not only physical , there is also verbal aggression as well , that kind of violence can injure more than physical harm . The words they use to oppress and control is so harsh and ruthless , it could push someone to suicide . Words could harm more than a bullet sometimes . It plays with people 's mind , leaves them thinking they are nothing , or that they did something bad that they never did . Making others feel guilt for something they never did , can cause the problem to spread . Playing on their distress might make them lose their mind , may drive them to act in a very wrong way . If they might act in a wrong way with others , then they who are the victim are changed into the criminal without ever thinking about what they are doing . Many reasons can change people and drive them to be hard to deal with ; they lose control of their life , or circumstances force them to face difficulties that show up out of nowhere . Lately there are economic problems that affect the whole world and leave thousands homeless . Many others are left without work , this issue can create more violence . Some have killed their families because they don 't want them to live in poverty , they have just lost hope , and faith of course too . Because if they had faith they would pray to God help them , but in their situation , the shock they have received , their brain stops working and they took their own life . Others may become more violent and start to steal to feed their families , they don 't want to , but they have no choice , this kind of people are not dangerous like others , they became violent in a sudden way , under specific conditions , but with time they will be addicted to it . Also , the people making dangerous weapons and the countries that make deals with each other to gain money ; but the price they gain is different from the price that the victim will pay . Thousands of children 's souls , thousands of families torn apart , thousands of victims still alive but having lost their hands or legs , those who will pay the price are not those who sell the weapons . This kind of violence is the most dangerous , because the one who is violent is a whole country . This violence never looks in the child 's eyes begging for it to stop , or asking him about his parents who died in the war . To sell weapons and gain money , the more money gained means the more victims will have died without having the chance to know who was behind this . But the one behind this is a person who never knew God , his job is to kill and gain , he 's not concerned about the blood that 's spreading everywhere , his concern is only to win the game . Violence has so many faces , it runs at all levels , high and low . We might find a cure to those who are violent to their families or their friends , but when it comes to those who create wars and kill people without mercy we find ourselves paralyzed . We can 't do anything but pray that God will light their minds and make them realize that we all are human also , like them … Whatever the kind of violence that people are facing , the victim is always a person , not a thing . A person that has feelings , a person from flesh and blood . When you hit someone or beat them , the tears they cry and the words they say to make you stop , and yet you continue beating them without thinking , then the devil 's spirit increases in your soul and mind . Why can you not stop and think about why they scream , why you feel you want to beat them , why you say words to harm them deeply and leave a painful trace that no one can ever erase . Look at their eyes , the tears they are crying , try to feel their pain and hear the words they are trying to say every time they raise their hands to cover their face to protect themselves . There is always words they scream - but you never hear . " Please stop . I 'm a human just like you ! " Looking at her happy face made me feel satisfied for her , that she had just found love again , after she lost her beloved years ago . She had found it hard to let a new person break the walls she had built , had thought that she could never betray his love , even after his death . But today she was talking and talking about her new love , how she never thought she might again find some - one who would make her heart beat like this . Her ex beloved had been a perfect example for how a guy should love and treat a girl . Days go by and the new love was growing deeply in the young girl 's heart , every day was a new happiness for her , every moment was a new reason to love life more . A year passed by , and the young girl was facing difficulties with her new beloved , one month they are happy , and another month they are fighting . She used to tell me that she 's thinking about leaving him , but she can 't . She was always assuming - what if he needed her while she 's not talking to him ? What if he has a hard time and needs to talk to her ? Her eyes were always wet , full of hidden tears . She was trying her best to never cry , but in the end she always did . He never deserved that kind of girl ; he was playing games all the time . Though she knew and felt that , she also never really knew why she wanted to stay . Maybe because from the start he asked her to never leave him , and while they were together he kept asking her to never leave . She hoped that the deep love she had towards him would make her want to stand by him no matter what . She might be mistaken to stay with someone who 's not honest , but she wasn 't the kind of girl who loves selfishly . Even when she knows when she should leave , reading the signs wasn 't enough for her . But also eventually , finding that he 's not truthful through his behavior , makes her decide to leave him for good . He never even tried to ask her to stay , or to defend himself over his mistakes that she saw . She was telling me with a choking voice about the messages she sent to him , and how he never replied to any of them . Though her wounded pride still kills her , she believes that she 'll get over her love someday . I see her every day , acting like a happy girl , but inwardly so sad . She may trick people into convincing them how strong she is , but deep inside all she feels is weak . Her hidden secret revealed every night when she goes to bed , the walls of confidence breaking down , leaving her feeling insecure . She takes off her happy face , the mask to hide her sadness . The silent pain that she has , never starts talking loudly until she 's alone , surrounded by calmness and tears . For this young girl , love has changed her life . The first love who died years ago , made her built walls to protect herself from falling in love again . Her fear back then was that death may again steal a new beloved . But when she got over her fears , she opened her heart again for another guy . She never imagined that some people love to play games with other 's feelings . She used to think that the only thing that might separate her from the person she loved would be death . But death has mercy more than those who decide to use another 's feelings as a game to play . If God decides to take away someone 's life , then that is just the right time for them to leave this world . But for those who decide to break someone 's heart just to have fun , they are so away from knowing God . If they knew God or had any relation with God , they would know that he exists in everyone of us , including those who 's feelings they have played with . I don 't know the reasons that push people to cheat on their loved ones . Or to lie and play games behind their back . Especially when they are loved by an honest person who cares for them and is ready to do anything just to make them happy . Is it selfishness that leads people to do that in order to feel satisfied themselves ? Or do they lack some confidence , and by acting in that way with others and seeing them suffering , they feel happy for achieving something ? Is it because in their conception , making others suffer means they are lovable ? Whatever the reason behind their behavior , immaturity is playing a big role in their lives . Perhaps being away from God is also a reason that makes them cause pain for someone . Making a person who truly loves you feel insulted with wounded pride is the worst thing someone might cause to another . It 's amazing how deep feelings change a persons life . It puts them in upper places , where they feel as if they are flying so high . But when that is covered with lies , it is weird how the same feelings affect their life by throwing them from the high sky immediately to bury them under the ground . When someone decides to play with another 's heart and feelings , they are building themselves up by pulling another down . When a person decides to play a game with another 's heart without thinking of the others feelings , then their own life is losing its meaning with time , their connection with others will fade away , and their opportunity of having someone new in their lives is decreasing . They may enjoy playing their games and think they have won , but after the other person who gave so much of his or her time and love is left standing in silent anger , what have they really won ? Jinan Have you ever looked deeply in their eyes ? There is a hidden message , have you ever read it ? Through their silence , did you try to hear their unspoken words ? They were screaming for help , have you ever heard them ? When they take away their own life , you judge them as bad people or even unstable ones , but who knows what they have been through to reach that level of depression that pushed them to commit suicide ? Behind closing doors we never know what 's going on in other 's lives . People face a tremendous number of troubles , a few prefer to consult a psychologist , and some think that it 's a personal issue no one should interfere with . In the other hand they drown in the troubles . They keep on increasing until they lose control of themselves ; they pay the price or the people who are close to them pay the price . Sometimes , the problem may be a very simple one , but it depends on the age of the person . When a 10 year old boy / girl faces a situation of bullying in school , at the same time he / she might have family problems and no one is there to listen to them . That for sure would affect their life , especially with the insecurity they are facing in their home . They would be having difficulties in their study , and also lack of self - esteem . They would think that they are not welcome in this life , instead of having good time in school to forget their problems at home , they are being scared to go there watching everyone destroying them . And when they go back home after school , instead of having a loving family who can help them , they are having a hard time with their parents . For them it is as if they are moving from hell to hell . When those children commit suicide , then everyone would wake up , and start searching for the reasons that lead that child to take away his / her life . They start wondering and recalling how they were always calm ; they were polite and never talked in a loud voice . They were obeying , never hurt anyone . At home their parents go to check if there are any obstacles that their child was facing in schooWe don 't expect a 10 year old child or even 15 years old teen to get what 's going on around them . When it 's too much to handle , especially at this age , they need caring people to keep on watching over them and guiding them to the right track , because even if they passed that phase in their life , they might drown later when they get older . They would be involved in other issues , like : drugs , violence , stealing etc . . If they opened their eyes watching their dad violent with their mom , they would do the same when they get married , and they would consider their actions right , because their dad is their idle . We never know what 's going on behind closing doors . Families face battles , and the silence that covers up , we would explore suddenly with hearing shocking news , and our first thought is : " They looked like a very happy family , what happened to them ? " But the truth is , they 've never been a happy family , their home 's doors were closing all the time , and we never know what was going on there . However , some people love to judge others ; it 's in their nature . They never look at the reasons that led to that person to take way his / her life ; they always focus on the result . A little accident happened with me lately . Someone knocked on our door , I opened up and I saw an old man in his early 60 's . He seemed lost , something in his eyes made me wonder at the same moment what 's with that man . He asked me about my dad , I replied that dad is not home . I was about to ask him if he would like to leave a message to dad , he left me talking to myself and turned his back and left . My mom came at that moment and saw me and the expression on my face because of how he left . She asked me : " Who 's that ? And what does he want ? " I was really shocked and said , " What 's going on with that man ? He just left me talking to myself without saying a word of thanks . I was kind of not satisfied about what he did , especially that I was very polite with him . My mother smiled for what happened with me , but in someway , that man stuck on my head . I kept thinking of what was wrong with him , he seemed very lost , his eyes were really teary . I felt something wrong with him and that 's why he was on my mind until a few days ago , I heard that he committed suicide . I was shocked , and recalled the moment I opened the door and saw him standing there lost , as if he 's searching for something . I knew the reason why he left me talking to myself without even saying " Thank you " or if as he 'll come again later . I recognized how much he was not there even when he was there asking about my dad . He wasn 't focusing on what he 's doing or with whom he 's talking . Later on , I knew from others who knew that man that he has tremendous troubles in his family and with his son . I wish I never saw him . I keep wondering why did he give up at this age ? He must have been in a very difficult situation through his life , but why would he give up now ? He 's supposed to be stronger and wiser to deal with his problems . But then again , I 'm not in his shoes to know what was going on with that old man . I keep recalling his teary eyes and wish I could help him . I never knew that people at this age might take away their life too . Behind closing doors , there is a hidden secret ; you can 't break those doors to find the truth . But at least , never judge in a bad way on those who take away their life , or even on those who try to and fail . Ask yourself why didn 't you wipe their tears at least once ? Why didn 't you hear them screaming instead of closing your ears ? Why didn 't you think to solve their problems when they kept silent ? It 's true that their home 's door was closed and you couldn 't do anything to help , but why didn 't you ever take the chance to get close to them when they opened the door and left their home , instead of judging them ? Finally , I want to thank every one who believed in my talent and encouraged me all the years . A special thanks to my sister Samia and her husband Hadi for being there for me all the time . Also , special thanks to my precious uncle Dr . Faouzi Abou Reslan for his invaluable support , words fails to express how thankful I am … Also to the person who make the editing to my articles Peter Buckton , Thank you . I 'm blessed to have people like you all in my life … . . |
Today started like any other Sunday for me . I woke up with a bit of a hangover . I wanted to stay in bed , but I had promised Dustin I would go see his show in Detroit , and today was the last day he was going to be there . Plus , I wanted to see it . I wasn 't really sure how to get to the Fox Theatre , so I did what anyone would do , I mapquested . I use mapquest any time I go on a road trip . I love it . It isn 't always the most direct way to get somewhere , but it 's normally worth the extra few miles to know you are going the right way . I don 't know what happened today , but mapquest was wrong . I followed the directions and got off the highway where it said to . I didn 't look like I was in downtown Detroit at all , but I figured if I drove down the road a few miles like it said , I would end up in the right spot . I drove , and drove , and drove some more . There was nothing but some restaurants and gas stations . I turned around and asked someone for directions . He told me to get back on the highway and follow it till I get downtown . That was the best he could do for me . Thanks . My dad used to drive through Detroit every day for work and is familiar with the area , so I called him . He thought I was heading in the opposite direction that I actually was , so he told me to turn around . As soon as I turned around , I realized I actually was going in the correct direction before . I turned around again . He started to give me directions . I like to have reference points when I get directions , but my dad went a little overboard . He listed every exit I would pass , every possible highway I may end up if I 'm not careful , and where to get off . I stopped listening after about 3 seconds because he had me so confused . I knew the theatre was near the baseball field and that there would probably be signs directing me where that was , so I would find it eventually . I got there on my own , and was still early enough to get tickets and get my seat without missing anything . Good thing for mapquest too , I 'm not sure I 'll be using them anytime soon . Anyhow , therposted by equippedtofascinate @ 4 : 14 PM 4 comments As I was reading comments left on my blog tonight , I realized just how weirded out ( or turned on ) people must get by the comments my brother and I leave for each other . Ryan has been trying to get into my pants for years . I was working tonight , and out of nowhere , I got a text message from my brother . It said , " I love ur ass . " Poetic , isn 't he ? Yes , I made a dirty response , but that isn 't what this post about . It 's about my older brother 's desire to sodomize me . About 2 summers ago , I went to a demolition derby with my family ( don 't judge us because we 're white trash ) . I got drunk , of course , and my sister had to drive me home . Ryan knew I was getting out of the car to get something out of the house , but he decided to pee outside on the front stoop anyway . I rounded the corner to see him in all his glory . Accident ? I think not . If anyone is really grossed out or offended by this , let me just tell you , you would never survive a gathering with my family . I don 't know where we all went wrong ; we were all raised as good Christian kids , but sex is not a topic we avoid . . . except for me , I 'm completely virginal . . . if anyone contradicts me on that , I 'm going to be pissed . True , I have an odd relationship with my siblings , but I wouldn 't want life to be any other way . Deal with it . I love it when people piss me off . I 'm normally a pretty easy going person , but I have my limits . I got pissed off at work tonight at a couple of girls . I hate when people think they 're better then me or know more then me , because , well , they never are . These girls kept making bitchy comments and acting like I didn 't know how to do my job . They were serving the drinks , and I was making them . After about two minutes of working , they stopped getting drinks from me , and made the other girl behind the bar make them because I refused to do things the way they told me to . After about 10 minutes , she got pissed at them too , and they were forced to decide who was the less of the two evils when they needed a drink . Since they were still pissing us off and insisting that no one wants a top on their soda cup , cups should be filled more , the prices we were ringing up were wrong , we were using bad lemons and limes in the drinks , we decided to get pissy back . The first thing we did was find all the small end pieces to the lemons and limes and use those for any drinks they needed . If someone came to the bar , they got a nice big piece put on the rim of their glass . The servers had small pieces dropped into the drink . This didn 't seem to bother them too much , and we felt bad that people were paying for those drinks , so we made a new game plan . Every drink we made , we filled to the very top of the glass . My drinks were so full , I didn 't dare to set them onto the servers trays , because I knew they would spill . They would watch us fill the cups with their eyes as big as could be wondering just how full we would fill the cup all while thinking , how am I going to carry this across the room and up the stairs without spilling it . Christa and I were having a great time at this point . We would laugh every time we filled a cup . As I was in the middle of filling a drink order , one of the girls said to me , " Are you in a bad mood ? " Mind you , I was laughing at the time and have never met this girl before that night . I realized I must have misunderposted by equippedtofascinate @ 7 : 32 PM 7 comments In the past week , I 've been told that my blog is very David Sedaris like three times . I take it as a compliment . However , David writes about things that happen when he was high from time to time , so I feel as though I should write this story . I never got into drugs at all . They never had an appeal to me . That isn 't to say that I 've never experimented . I won 't use any names in this post , so as not to incriminate anyone involved . . . I 'm so controversial . Ooh , I 'll create names for the people involved . I 'll be so confused with who I 'm writing about by the end of this . The first time I smoked pot was new year 's eve when 2000 became 2001 . I really didn 't have any desire to do it , but I had heard from so many people that you don 't get high the first time you smoke it . I figured , what the heck . Why do people always lie to me ? For the first 20 seconds or so , I had this great feeling of enlightenment . The answers to life 's most pressing questions were obviously clear . Then , it felt like I was in a vacuum . I was overly aware of everything going on around me , and became paranoid beyond belief . People will say I had a bad trip , but let 's just be honest . Giving illegal hallucinogenic substances to someone who has one of the worst cases of depression doctors have ever seen , and is paranoid in everyday life just isn 't a good idea . At one point in the night , I told David ( code name ) to take me to the hospital . I really felt I was going to die . He told me everything was okay , so I decided to try to sleep it off . He put in a movie of a show he had done at the Pit . I remember waking up at one point and seeing an elephant onstage . No , there was no elephant in that show , but that 's what I saw , and it made perfect sense . I woke up in time to mumble happy new year to whoever was sitting on my feet at midnight ( I had passed out on the couch ) . I vowed never to smoke weed again after that night . I did well for a year and a half . At that point , Milly told me she wanted to get high with me . I said , " Fine . " I wanted to see what it would be like if Trashy , With a Touch of Class I recently developed an appreciation for wine . Previous to the last year or so , I hated the taste of it . Now , I enjoy it from time to time . With wine , comes drawbacks . Wine hits me hard , and fast . Last night , I went to Dustin 's birthday party at Tommy V 's . I was all set to have a sober night , but peer pressure set in , and I fell off the wagon . I decided to get some wine with my dinner . Two glasses later , I realized I probably should have stayed sober . Let me take this time to say , I can hold my beer fairly well . I can drink many a frat boy under the table when beer is involved . When I start to dabble in liquor and wine , my drunk self starts to show . Anyhow , the restaurant was closing , and I needed to sober up before I could drive home . The most logical thing to do was to go to the bar a few blocks away to get sober . I know , but at the time it seemed completely reasonable . We got there , and I ordered a beer , which took me two hours to drink . As I was drinking my beer and sobering up , I made quite the fool of myself . Highlights included drunk dialing my friend late at night ( sorry Amanda ) , giving my phone to Paul so he could drunk dial my friend ( sorry Charlie ) , hitting on Stasi , one of my bosses at the temple , and admitting a secret crush to a table full of people . I had to work all day today , but I figured I would be okay . I really hadn 't had a ton to drink after all . Truth be told , I thought I was going to die this morning . I couldn 't focus on anything , and I was crabby beyond belief . I tried to pretend to be all chipper and helpful , but after about 2 minutes , I realized it just wasn 't worth it , so I would just be crabby and let everyone draw their own conclusions as to what was wrong with me . I still don 't understand it . I shouldn 't have had such a drunk night / hangover from what I drank last night . Did someone slip something into my drink when I wasn 't looking ? If so , who ? I need to have a talk with this person , because there is no need to do such a thing to me . Just buy me a drink and I 'll go home with you . I 'm posted by equippedtofascinate @ 7 : 39 PM 10 comments When I was about 5 or 6 years old , my sister broke my nose . This wasn 't your Brady Bunch episode broken nose where a ball accidentally hit me in the face . This was the result of an all out fight . I really don 't know why MJ and I get along as well as we do today . I was mean to her when we were growing up . I guess that 's what older brothers are for though . I don 't really remember how the fight started . What I remember is that Molly was cleaning her room , and kept telling me to leave her alone . She threatened to try and throw me out of the room , so I slid under her bed so she couldn 't grab me . Instead of screaming and yelling at me to get out , she just ignored me and started to sweep the floor . After being under the bed for a few minutes , I got bored . I asked Molly if she was mad at me still . She said she wasn 't , so I stuck my head out . Oh , she lied about not being mad at me still . As soon as my head was exposed , she held the broom as high over her head as she could and hit me right across the bridge of my nose with it . I think I may have passed out for a few seconds after that , I don 't really remember . I threatened to kill her , but by the time I got out from under the bed , she had already run screaming to my mom . Although my mom doesn 't admit it , I think this is one of her favorite memories of me growing up . She used to always tell me I was going to get what was coming to me one day since I always aggravate people . I 've heard her tell this story to my nieces when they get into fights . . . this is what could happen . She always seems to smile when she tells it though . I LOVE drunk people . There is nothing better then seeing someone stumble to the door , or overhearing a conversation a drunk person is screaming in a bar . I had the opportunity to overhear a drunk conversation at the bar tonight . To be honest , the conversation itself wasn 't too funny , it was just how loud it was that made me laugh . I had to go to the bathroom at Retro Rocks ( not my choice of bar , but I was sucked in because no one would go to the Junction ) . I passed a boy and girl on my way to the bathroom , and it looked like they were about to have a heated conversation , or were just finishing one . Of course , my curiosity took over , and I wanted to know what they were talking about . I decided I would find some clever way of listening after I went to the bathroom , without being too obvious . Little did I know , I didn 't really have to worry about overhearing . As I stood at the urinal , I could hear the same three sentences over and over . " Tommy , you 're my boy . I love you from the bottom of my heart . Don 't be like that . " In the girl 's defense , she did change the order that she said these sentences during the five times I overheard her in a loud bar on the other side of a closed door . I finished relieving myself , checked the mirror to make sure I looked okay , and walked to the door . Before I could open it , Tommy walked in . Poor guy , he looked like he was having a rough night . I let him pass before I opened the door . As I opened the door , his girl toy walked in . Yes , she walked into the boy 's bathroom . Now that 's what I call classy . I don 't try to deny that I get really talkative and lovey when I get drunk . But come on . I don 't scream in the bar . . . and if I do , it 's funny . What are some funny things you 've witnessed or overheard a drunk person say ? I don 't want anyone to relive any drunk dials I 've given them though . Amanda broke into my blog ( again ) to correct a post that I wrote . She forgot to mention all the insanity that ensued during our road trip to Interlochen that day . Amanda and I had a full day planned ; watching From Justin to Kelly in the theater , road trip up north , and a Joshua Bell concert . I woke up that morning with the worst ghonorrhea infection you could imagine in my throat . It was horrible . The only way I could talk was to drink water before I said anything . By the time we left the theater and started to drive up north , I had no less then two gallons of water in me , and was continuing to drink . Needless to say , many bathroom breaks were needed . The most unfortunate part of driving through small towns is that there isn 't always a rest stop . The most fortunate thing is the things you see while driving . While we were driving , we passed a hearse . When I say we passed it , I don 't mean it was driving in the opposite direction on the road . It was sitting on the side of the road with a for sale sign in it . We had to stop and investigate . How often do you see a powder blue hearse on the side of the road ? I 'll answer that , that was the first and only time I 've seen it . I considered calling the number posted on the sign because . . . well , big back seat . We got back on the road , and about twenty feet later , I had to pee again . Since there was no gas station within 20 miles , I made Amanda drive down a back road . I started to piss at the same time a car turned down the road . Since I was in someone 's front yard with my cock out , and someone was coming , I kind of freaked out . I tried to go as quick as I could , but the car was rapidly approaching . I stopped peeing about halfway through relieving myself , and jumped back in the car . I didn 't want to get an indecent exposure fine or something . posted by equippedtofascinate @ 9 : 31 PM 5 comments My oldest sister keeps yelling at me because I never mention her in my blog . Maybe if she would comment on it , I would write about her more . None - the - less , this post is dedicated to her . Erin looks a lot like Winona Ryder , but doesn 't shop lift . . . as far as I know at least . Growing up , she was one of the coolest sisters you could ask for . Since there were eight of us children , she took on the role of second mother . More importantly , she was hit by a car when she was a teenager . She was riding her bike to get a pie at Kessel , and someone ran a red light . No serious injuries were sustained , but she always was my idol after that . Also , she gave me my first cigarette . Okay , my first cigarette I stole from my older brother , but he doesn 't know that and reads my blog . We were both losers and used to spend our Saturday nights watching Disney Channel movies ( Suzie Q ) on TV . Much love to Bookie . Now you don 't have to keep emailing me about a mention in my blog . Guest blogger Amanda here . 1 - Joshua Bell did not compose the score for The Red Violin . John Corigliano did , and won an Oscar for Best Original Score . 2 - Joshua Bell DID play the violin solos throughout the movie , and has a little tiny role as - you guessed it - a violin player in the orchestra . 3 - Scott neglected to mention that , before we saw Joshua Bell , we saw From Justin To Kelly , in the theatre . As in we paid money to see it . True story . Who would have thought that a May / December romance that conveniently began while the " love birds " were promoting their blockbuster movies ( both of which suck by the way ) wouldn 't last . Maybe it was the cult he forced her to join , or his educated comments on national television about anti - depressants , or possibly the awkwardly forced displays of affection they felt the need to force on us every time we were unfortunate enough to have to see a picture of the two of them . Katie , listen to me . Forget the child support . I 'm sure Dawson 's Creek has paid you enough to live comfortably . Do the world a favor and do him in . Don 't worry , I 'm sure Brooke Shields will pay for your lawyers . The world will be eternally grateful to you as well . Although it doesn 't happen very often , I love my life sometimes . This story starts about two and a half years ago . I received a phone call from Amanda telling me that we were going to see a concert together . Joshua Bell was going to be playing at Interlochen , and she had front row center tickets for us . For those not familiar , Joshua Bell is a violinist . He composed the score for the movie The Red Violin , which won him an Academy Award . He 's very accomplished in his line of work , and has won some Grammy 's to boot . I had only seen parts of The Red Violin before going to see him , so I wasn 't as excited as Amanda , but the violin is my favorite instrument , so I was up for it . The concert was amazing , but we spent the entire time living in fear . See , someone 's watch beeped during the first song he did , which broke his concentration , and he had to start over . I was petrified to move or make any noise since I didn 't want to be the person who made him start over again . After the concert , we went to dinner , and Joshua went too . He ended up being really nice and came to our table and talked to us . There were some students sitting at the table with us , and one of the girls ordered him a dessert . It was a nice gesture , until she started to eat off his plate . The look of disbelief , intermixed with horror was one of the funniest things I have ever seen . Amanda and I had a two and a half hour drive home , so we left . He gave us a look that said , " Please don 't leave me with this crazy girl . " A friendship was born . Anyhow , fast forward to tonight . The Temple was showing The Red Violin . I was walking near the backstage area with Deena , when the lady who owns the violin walked behind us , holding the violin that sparked the motivation for this movie and is probably one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . I 'm not one for hero worship or thinking someone is better due to their fame or wealth , but I was in awe when I saw it . I seriously froze and my mouth dropped . I couldn 't believe I was standing five feet away for it . If I hadposted by equippedtofascinate @ 8 : 09 PM 1 comments I love this dog . Unfortunately , I 'll have to give him up soon . Peanut was brought to my vet the week before Christmas . He had a broken leg , and the owners couldn 't afford to fix it , so they released ownership to us . We did surgery on him and put him in a cast . Since we were going to be closed over Christmas , I decided to take him home with me so no one would have to interrupt their day to let him out and feed him . My sister stopped over and saw him , and decided she needed to have him as a pet . He 's been on strict cage rest for the last month and a half while his leg heals . It sounds really mean , but if he 's jumping around , even with a cast on , he 'll run the risk of injuring it again , so he can 't be out , other then to go to the bathroom . I decided to take care of him the entire time of his recovery . I 've grown really attached to him in the past few weeks . He had his cast removed on Friday , but he still needs to take it easy till his muscles are back to normal . That means , I only have him till about the end of next week . Then , he goes to live with Katie and her family . It 's going to be really hard to give him up , and I 'm not relishing the day that I have to do it . It 's really sad that I look forward to Monday nights so I can watch this show . I really don 't watch too much TV , so it 's really bad that when I do , I choose to watch this . The whole premise of the show is really dumb , but it 's so addicting , you can 't get away from it once you start . Sadly , there 's only one more episode left . The finale is in 2 weeks . My early favorites were Jillian and John . Kristy and Lloyd have really grown on me the last few weeks though . It 's gonna be a fight to the finish . Ooh , what if there 's a Tanya / Nancy moment ? This show is on Fox , they 'd probably pay someone to hit someone on the leg just for the ratings . I had to buy a birthday present for my older sister today , which meant I had to go to the mall , which meant I spent about $ 200 on clothes for myself as well . I was really cranky today . I haven 't had much sleep this weekend , and I swear that every person who was in the mall decided to window shop and stop directly in front of me when I was trying to move from store to store . My patience was starting to wear a little thin when MJ and I went into Hot Topic . I found a shirt that I thought was really funny , so I bought it . As I was checking out , I took a step backwards so I could see something on the counter a little better . As I stepped back , something was thrust into my ankle . I thought someone had kicked me . When I 'm in a bad mood , the last thing you want to do is touch me . Even though it was my fault for backing up without looking first , I was about to bitch this person out . I turned around , and was face to face with a blind boy . He was still trying to regain his balance after I threw it off by stepping into his walking stick . I wish someone could have videotaped my face so you could see the transition from anger to mortification that I underwent in about a half second . posted by equippedtofascinate @ 8 : 00 PM 6 comments There 's cause for celebration in the world today . Nine months until my birthday . For all of you who still don 't see the association , that means that I was conceived on this day 25 years ago . Okay , I probably wasn 't really since the human gestation period isn 't really 9 months exactly , and I was born about a week after my due date , but this is the easiest way to celebrate . I 'd like to thank my parents for deciding to have sex on that night . The world is a much better place as a result . Happy Conception Day to me ! There are a few reasons why I don 't eat Chinese food . First , I can 't stand how most of it tastes . Second , it messes with my bowels after . There is a little Chinese restaurant in Old Town that I actually like , and I ventured there for lunch yesterday . I enjoyed my peapod chicken and went on with my day . I had to work at the Temple Theatre last night . After I got there , my stomach started churning , but I figured I could ignore it for a few hours until I got home . I couldn 't though . Rather then embarrass myself and use the same bathroom everyone listening to the concert was using , I would find a bathroom no one else was using . Keep in mind , this theatre is huge , was built in the 20 's ( or there about , I don 't really know how old it is ) , and is rumored to haunted . I left the side of the building the theater is on and decided to use the second floor ballroom bathroom . I was completely alone , and there were no lights on . I don 't really believe in ghosts , but when you 're in the situation I was in , your imagination starts to take the best of you . Every noise I heard was either some psychopath coming to kill me , or the singing ghost that roams the halls and balcony . I hoped for the ghost if I had to encounter one or the other . As I sat there freaking out , I suddenly realized just how funny this situation was . Every time I watch a horror movie , I get angry at the person who decides to leave the group to explore or investigate a strange noise . Yet , here I was . Caught with my pants down , inviting someone to kill me . posted by equippedtofascinate @ 7 : 54 PM 2 comments I got tired of looking for a picture to go with this post , so this is what you get . I wrote a post in the past about how much I hate to get my hair cut . I had to get my hair cut earlier this week , and it was a beautiful experience . I always go to Regis to get my hair cut . It isn 't always the best hair cut , but they can normally fit me in without much notice , so I like to go there . When I went this week , I met the best stylist in the world . Nikki didn 't feel the need to try to keep conversation going throughout my entire haircut . I know I sound really stuck up when I say this , but I hate making small talk with someone I don 't know . It 's just awkward . She made just the right amount of conversation to keep things fun , but without trying to get me to tell her my life story . The best thing was when she was blending my hair . She had this look of utter concentration on her face . I normally don 't look in the mirror when I 'm getting my hair cut because it makes me feel like a complete ass to sit there checking myself out in the mirror . I couldn 't help but watch her cut my hair though . It made me laugh inside . I wouldn 't say that my hair turned out better then it ever has after this cut , but it is far from the worst . I will definitely be requesting Nikki from now on . My hair will continue to change as it grows , but the bond I feel with Nikki will never change . Do you think the guy in the picture is on steroids ? I would guess he is , to the point of his testicles being about the size of a hamster 's . Anyhow , the inspiration for this post is because I 'm thinking about joining a gym . My coworkers all got on the healthy bandwagon for the new year and joined Curves . I guess the male counterpart is located right next door , and they want me to join that one . I realize that if I were to join a gym , this would probably be the most ideal situation , I 'd be motivated by my coworkers to go since they 'll be stopping right next door . A little confidence in what I look like , after I start to develop some muscle tone , wouldn 't hurt any because Lord knows I need that . There are drawbacks though . First , I would have to go through monthly measurements to track my progress . I 'm very well aware that I 'm underweight . I don 't really need someone to measure my waist and arms so they can tell me that . Also , I 'm not comfortable lifting weights in front of other people . I don 't want them to see how weak I am . Life just keeps getting worse this winter . This week has been the coldest week we 've had all winter . It would figure that the heat in my car would stop working this week . I went back to work from lunch on Monday , and turned off my car . I hadn 't finished my cigarette yet , so I was going to sit outside and listen to the radio while I finished . I turned my car back on to roll up the window , and I realized my heat wasn 't blowing . This happens to me about every other year . I always leave my heat on full blast during the winter . If it gets too hot in my car , I just roll down the window . After awhile , the fan stops working . . . or something . My mechanic is always like , I 've never had to fix the heat in one person 's car as much as I do for you . It sucks because I don 't have a day off until late next week , so I have to endure the blustery winter weather for awhile . posted by equippedtofascinate @ 8 : 48 PM 2 comments for ringworm . I 've never had ringworm before , but I 'm sure it would be gross to have it . Luckily for me , I won 't have to wonder what it will be like to have it for much longer . In the last week , I 've dealt with three pets with this nasty fungal infection . Today , I actually had to deal with two cats with it . One of the reasons that I work in the animal field is so I don 't have to deal with communicable diseases . Sure , there are zoonotic parasites and viruses to worry about . I even had a scare where I thought I was exposed to rabies once , but the odds of contracting an infection or sickness from animal is much lower then it would be from me getting it from a human if I worked in the human medical field . I had the honor of shaving a cat with a horrible ringworm infection bald today . It really isn 't as fun as it sounds to shave a cat . Not only was I unable to breathe by the end , since my allergies were so bad , but I also had strands of contaminated cat hair all over my face . I decided to use animal ringworm medicine all over my face when I was done , but it started to burn , so I had to wash it off right away . About an hour later , another cat came in with ringworm . Since I 'd already been exposed two other times this week , I figured , I may as well shave this one too . I 'm getting really good at shaving cats , if I do say so myself . No use in having everyone come down with ringworm . I figured I would get more sympathy if I was the only one with it . So , I wonder how bad my outbreak will be . I don 't want my lesions to be on my face . Ideally , they will be in dirty places so I can say , " Do you want to see my ringworm ? " and take off my clothes . That would be hot . HAPPY FEBRUARY ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I hate February more then any other month . Not only do we find ourselves in the middle of winter , with no end in sight , but Hallmark decided to use this month to remind me of what a looser I am . Valentine 's Day blows . It wasn 't always so bad . Amanda and I shared a special Valentine 's Day a few years back . Neither of us had a date , so we decided to make a special occasion out of it together . There was dinner , gifts , and . . . well , nothing else really . I mean , we didn 't do it or anything . Manders has grown up and got herself a man though . Me ? I have no one , so it will be another lonely , depressing day reading candy hearts , wishing someone really thought U R cute about me . I refuse to be that lonely , depressed person this year . I 'll find a date , even if it 's through my blog . With that said , anyone interested , give me a call . I 'll pay . Who knows , you may get lucky too . Ok , you will get lucky . I 'm easy . I 'm so vain , it 's sad . I realized last week that my hair seems to be thinning , so I did what any self - respecting boy would do when faced with this dilemma . I decided to dye my hair . Really , I don 't know why I thought that would help , but at the time , it seemed completely reasonable . I have relatively dark hair to begin with , so I decided to go darker . . . black actually . I used to dye my hair fairly frequently when I was younger . As I got older , I realized that I just look like an ass when I do , so stopped . I don 't know why I thought this time would look any better . I liked how it looked for the first few hours , but then it started to sink in that my hair was the same color as dirt , and would stay that way . Sunday night , I decided to buy more dye and go back to my natural color . I bought a dark brown , and worked it down to the roots . Imagine my surprise to see that it didn 't change my hair brown at all , but kept it black when I washed it out . My sister told me that I would have to dye my hair really light to get rid of the black , and then dye it darker again . I had already put dye in my hair twice in 48 hours , I couldn 't do it two more times . My scalp was already getting irritated . I wish someone would have warned me how difficult it is to get your normal hair color back before I permanently ruined mine . |
Heath Royce had a hangover , a bad one . He and his work buddy , Clark Reid had been to a frat party the night before . They had drunk too much , stayed out too late and smoked marijuana with no concern for what going to work on Saturday morning would be like . Since they worked for Clark 's dad they had no excuse for not being at work on time . Mr . Reid wouldn 't pay until the end of the work day on Saturday . If you called in on Friday or Saturday you better be ready to prove you really were sick on Monday to get your check . Since they both had hot dates tonight they were struggling to get this job over . Mr . Reid owned a use furniture and appliance store . They were on their way to pick up a stove and refrigerator and some other pieces of furniture . The homeowners had decided it made more sense to sell the items than move them . It was a nice house in a well - kept neighborhood . The yards around the houses were mowed and many had flowers and swing sets in the yards . He lit a cigarette taking a long drag off it . They got the refrigerator into the truck then went back in for the stove . He gave the gas hook up a twist but didn 't bother to put the cap on the pipe . They got the stove and other items into the truck . . Before they left Heath had turned on the kitchen faucet and splashed some cold water on his face , hoping it would clear his head . He did not care he had made a mess with water splashed everywhere or left the faucet dripping . There were several puddles of water on the counter next to the radio he had plugged in to listen to his favorite heavy metal station never noticing the frayed cord nor bothering to turn it off . Next door a brother and sister watched as the men loaded the truck . " I hope the new people who move in have kids . " The small blonde - haired girl said as she hugged her doll . " Maybe they 'll have girls who like to play with dolls and we can be good friends . " " If we 're really lucky maybe they 'll have boys who like to play football and baseball … " Her brother said more to tease than caring . He had enough friends in the neighborhood . The discussion ended when their mother called them in for breakfast . " Where ever you left them the last time you used them . " She answered as she wheeled into the kitchen . " Don 't remember where you put them ? " " No I think its more of a case of you were in a hurry and didn 't put them away right disease . " She laughed at his expression . " The last time I saw the scissors you were using them to strip the wire on the stereo speaker . " " Oh , yeah . They are on the bottom of the speaker stand in the bedroom . " He grinned at her . " Needed them because I couldn 't fine the wire stripper from my workshop . Still can 't . " Johnny said with a shake of his shaggy head . That surprised her since he usually kept everything in its place . The wood working shop had been her Christmas gift to him . " What were you working on the last time you had them ? " She asked hoping to jog his memory . " I think they are out in the pool house . Thanks Sweet Pea . " He had started calling her that after she asked him to stop calling her Baby girl . Sweet Pea had been Jeff 's name for her when she first came to live with him . " Now , I 've got a question for you . What do you want me to take to Jo and Roy 's tonight ? I 'm taking dessert . " The crew from A shift was having a carry in / game night . " That does sound good , thank you darlin ' . " He left the room but came back in a few minutes with the missing scissors that he put in the drawer . " We gonna stop by and see Anna before we go to Roy 's ? " Johnny asked . " Yep . She seemed to enjoy the other ones . " After giving her a quick kiss , he went to the pool house . Because of the mild winter they had had so far , the crew from WBS had been able to get the pool house competed . The beds were set up but not made as Lee hadn 't settled on a color for the bedding in either of the rooms . The two bath / dressing areas had boxes of towels and other items ready to be put away . The kitchen and living room area was still pretty bare but they had time before the official opening of the pool . They left in time to go visit Anna but knew it was a hit and miss proposition Some days she was awake and would smile and even squeeze Johnny 's hand when he talked to her . Other time she was lost in the hazy world between conscious and coma . Lee decided to wait in the car while Johnny checked with the nurse . She had the feeling it was not a good day for her to visit . Johnny came out after only a few minutes . ' No they are waiting on the lab work . " He leaned over and gave her a kiss . " It 'll all work out the way it 's supposed to . " Jo pulled the pork roast from the oven , setting the pan on the back of the stove . She slipped the pan of scalloped corn into the oven and setting the timer . She went out to the deck where Roy was checking the air in Jenny 's back tire . She smiled watching Jenny giving Roy a hug and telling him he was the best dad ever . " I think Santa should have brought her a new bike . She has almost out grown that one . " Roy said as they watched her ride down to the corner and back . " Junior got her and Stacy both bikes to keep out at their place when he went to the police auction a few weeks ago . The plans he has in mind for The Grove is something else . The only part that he is having done professionally is the path . " " Kathy was teasing her and him about putting in a sidewalk to her house from their 's . It would be on their land until it went into Jim and Kathy 's back yard . I am so glad he loves that place as much as she does . I was really worried he would never feel at home there . " " Maybe . Did I tell you we are going to get the meat wholesale priced thru O ' Sheas ? That will really save us money … some of the other supplies also once we make the final decisions . Johnny Pat is giving us a good discount on the buns . Lee has arranged for a discount on the soda also . She is working just as hard on this as if she was on the committee . " " Does that really surprise you ? " Roy asked . He knew Johnny was glad Lee had turned down the request from the president of the Women 's Auxiliary to co - chair the fund raiser or even be on the planning committee . She needed to relax and not have a lot of extra stress . It seemed even through the holidays she was still not her old self after the near drowning and surgery . She seemed to get tired easily and had little energy some days . " She has seemed a little far away at times lately . Is there something bothering her ? " Jo had wanted to ask this several times lately but it had seemed as if every time she thought about it one of the kids had been in the room . It was important to Johnny to know that he could trust Roy with anything . " Anything you need me to do to help ? " Roy asked hoping to change the subject . Dinner was over , the food put away and everyone was ready to play trivia . They drew colored squares to see who was on the teams . Just to be different they were playing four teams instead of two . Johnny grinned when Lee also pulled a red square . Em , Chet and Melissa were yellow . Suzi got the third red . Cap , Marco and Mike made up the blue team while Anita , Jo and Roy were the white team . The game was close but the red team won . They decided it was a good time to take a break and have dessert . " Who wants ice cream with their apple crisp ? " Emily helped dish up the desserts while Suzi and Anita served and poured coffee or re filled sodas . The kids were allowed to eat in the front room as they watched a movie . The quiet was shattered as the house next door exploded into a huge fireball . The windows in the houses nearby shook and some in the DeSoto home actually broke from the force of the vibrations . Roy called the fire dispatch … He turned to a stunned Jo who was holding a crying Jenny . Chris stood by looking frighten but holding back the tears . " Jo , gather up some clothes and get the box from the top of our closet . MAKE IT FAST and GET OUT . " He followed the other men out . " Jo , I 'll help . " Em said . The others except Lee told Jo they would gather the family pictures from downstairs . Lee told them to put them in the Rover then she had Chris push her outside with Jenny on her lap . " Go across the street … down towards the Grimes ' house . " Roy said as he saw her coming down the ramp with Chris and Jenny . Johnny and Chet had grabbed hoses from the garage and were spraying down the lawn and the front of the house trying to keep the flying debris from starting other fires . Mike and Marco were doing this at the house on the other side of the one that had exploded . Hank was moving people back from the fire into the yards across the street . Another fireball formed as the garage exploded . Johnny turned just in time to see flaming boards and other debris land on Roy 's roof . He knew the garden hose would not help much at that distance . Chet had moved to the house on the other side of Roy trying to keep the flaming debris from starting another fires . Johnny ran and turned off the hose he was using and made his way into the garage . He knew Roy had a new hose in there . He grabbed the new hose and went outside and connected the two coiling them the best he could while moving . He yelled at Chet . " I need your help . " Chet ran over to Johnny . " Once I get up in the fork of that tree , turn the water on full blast . I gotta get that roof hosed down . " Johnny had climbed that tree several times to retrieve items from the roof . Never in the early evening darkness and never with a wet coil of hose over his shoulder , It seemed like a long time to him before the water began flowing with enough pressure to do some good . He was not making much progress in putting out the fire but was keeping it from spreading . He was relieved to hear the sirens of the approaching engine and squad . " Captain Lloyd , this is Captain Stanley , A shift from Station 51 . " The introduction was made as the engineer set up the hoses . " Our crew was having dinner with the DeSoto 's . We 've started using garden hoses to put out the small fires and try to keep it from spreading to near by homes . " " Don 't worry about him , he 's part mountain goat , " Hank said with a smile . Lee was holding onto a very wiggly Jennifer DeSoto . Jen was trying to see where her dad was and if her mom and the others had came out of the house . Lee relaxed a little as she saw the women putting items into the Rover . Jenny began sobbing . " Jennifer Lynne , what is the first rule your daddy taught you about a fire ? " Lee said sternly . The tone shocked Jenny and she fought to stop the sobs . " Get out fast , move far away and don 't go back in . Stay with an adult . " Jo , Emily and the other two made their way over to Lee and the kids . " We got the box and most of the special photos and a few other things as well as several changes of clothes for each of us . " Jo said in a daze . The truck from the deli came back and everyone stopped work to eat and rest . The garage and shed were packed up and everything was out of the attic . The trash pile had grown as the waterlogged boxes came out of the attic . Kathy , Emily and Jo had the three bedrooms cleaned out . They were sitting there talking when unfamiliar car pulled up . " We 're looking for Roy DeSoto . " The car 's driver said as the other man took out a notebook . " We 're here to get an idea of the damage and what we 'll be needing to do to get started . " " Ed Jarred and Bob Cabot . Ruth Anne called and said we needed to get out here and get this cleaned up and repaired as soon as possible . Look like the clean up is gonna be easy on this one . We 'll have a truck out here tomorrow to take what you want to be cleaned and stored . " " Ruth Anne is Ben Oliver 's assistant . I 'd say Lee called them to do the work . " Johnny said as he came back into the yard . " I was just talking to Mr . Martin ; he is going to have you look over his place also . It doesn 't look as bad as here . Told him whatever his insurance paid would cover the cost . " Ed Jarred had met Johnny before but Bob Cabot hadn 't . He frowned , who was this person making deals for their company ? " Whatever you say . Ruth Anne said you and your wife were the bosses . Kind of surprised she isn 't here . " Jarred said . " My wife is always the boss . She 's home pretending to watch the kids but knowing her , she is playing dolls or dress up with the girls . I 'll let the guys know she is expecting them for dinner . She has already talked to Melissa , Anita and Suzi about it . " This was for Roy and Jo 's benefit . " Guess I need to go tell the others that too . " He left laughing at the look on Roy 's face … After Jo , Roy and Johnny walked away Bob Cabot turned to his friend . " Who does he think he is telling people we 'll accept their insurance as payment in full ? Why did Mr . Oliver have Ruth Anne call us out on a Sunday morning ? What makes this place so special ? " " That was Johnny Gage and his partner . This is the partner 's house . " " So who is Johnny Gage ? " Bob asked still puzzled . He had only worked at WBS a few weeks . " Remember when they were talking about Lee Spencer getting rid of Ralph Franklin and Morris Howard ? Johnny is married to Lee . She is pretty use to getting what she wants when she wants it . " " Nope one of the nicest people you 'd ever hope to meet . Both of them are , work hard at helping others . But don 't cross her or him when it comes to family … The De Soto 's are family . " Roy , Jo , and Johnny headed to the house . Everything was packed and labeled and ready for the cleaning company to pick up . Jo had wanted to bring some of the clothes to Johnny 's to wash but Roy reminded her that a smoke smell that bad needed professional cleaning . Kathy had left a few minutes earlier . As soon as they got home , all three wanted a bath and just to sit and do nothing . Lee had coffee and fresh baked cookies ready . Roy went into the guest bathroom and quickly showered so Jo could get cleaned up . " That she needs some extra help sometimes when she is tired or hurting a lot . Uncle Johnny goes in to help her and to make sure she is safe . And since he is gonna get wet it just makes sense he takes his shower then too . " " Yeah , I guess it does . " Jo said smiling at her daughter and her friend . " That makes a lot of sense . " Jen left the room as Lee started to giggle . Jo raised an eyebrow at her . By the time everyone who had helped with the clean up got there Lee and Jo and Kathy had all the food and the serving table set up . Johnny and Roy were manning the grill with its ribs and chicken and hot dogs . All enjoyed the food and the company but the gathering did not last long as there was work and school the next day . After the kids went to bed , the four adults had a serious discussion . " From what they said today its gonna be awhile before we can move back home . " Roy said . " I don 't know what would have happen if you all hadn 't been there . Johnny getting up in that tree probably saved our home . " " No , it may have saved your house , but your home is wherever you four are together . " Lee said , holding tightly onto Johnny 's hand . " You gave Johnny a home when he had none … sure he had an apartment but that wasn 't a home . He has told me what it was like before you all were part of his life . If it wasn 't for you he wouldn 't be part of my life … If it wasn 't for him , I wouldn 't be part of your wonderful family . So please , consider staying here . If you like staying in this house fine . But , I think Jo , you would be happier having your own place even if it was temporary . So if you like tomorrow we can go get curtains and bedding and set up the pool house as your home for as long as you need it . " Lee looked at the two and smiled . " Please , let us do this for you . " " We accept , just remember , you neither one owe us anything . Everything we did for Johnny and you was love , not by wanting you to owe us in the future . " Roy said remembering how Johnny had been made to feel he owed others for what they did for him , even when it was done cruelly . Even now , once in awhile he would see that look in Johnny 's eyes . " I promise not to spoil your kids and so does Lee , right ? " Johnny said with a grin . " Why change now ? " Jo laughed . " I think this is really the best option for the kids . They already feel at home here . " " Oh , that reminds me , Jen was worried about her reading book and Chris ' backpack with his homework . " Lee said . " I told her you would take care of it if there was a problem . " " They 're gone … Wet and smelly beyond saving . I 'll talk with their teachers tomorrow . I 'll have to fill out new information cards for them . " Lee was lying in bed reading while Johnny was finishing up in the bathroom . She needed to talk with him about Anna . He came out of the bedroom , saw the look on her face , and knew something was bothering her . " About ? " He asked as he nibbled on her ear . She giggled in spite of herself . " The Center called today . Anna has an UTI like they thought . They started her on a low dose of antibiotics . They didn 't seem too worried . " " And you are ? " He propped himself up on his elbow . " Sweet pea , don 't do this to yourself . You know they are doing all they can for her . She is getting the best possible care . " " I know but she deserved so much more … She deserved a long happy life with Mark and a family … Why is it sometimes it seems as if the good guys get all the bad breaks ? Roy and Jo didn 't do anything to deserve this … I guess I 'm just tired and this is my way with dealing with being so scared yesterday . Then I did not have time to think , just react . Sorry I 'm being so negative . " " Aren 't you one of those who keep telling me never is ashamed of what I 'm feeling ? You have every right to be sad and worried you just can 't let that rule your life . Most of the time you are the one who brings a smile or a laugh to others . Let us do that for you once in awhile . " Lee finished getting dressed as Johnny made the bed . " Are you and Roy car pooling ? " She asked as she brushed her hair pulling it into a ponytail that she then twisted into a bun . " Hadn 't thought about it but it makes sense . Something smells good . " " Jo is probably making the kids breakfast . Does this look ok together ? " She had on a pale lavender sweater and a dove gray skirt . " You look wonderful as always . " He went over , kissed her , and then pushed her out to the front room . " Breakfast is almost ready , made French toast and sausage . Hope that is ok ? Lee there isn 't any more milk , I 'll pick some up when I go to the grocery after I take the kids to school . " " Ok . If you have time , you can come by the office and we can work on the grant applications . There are only 4 or 5 I think . " " Sure . When do you want to go look at curtains ? " " We can do that today , after lunch ? I can leave the office any time after 11 . We can bring the grants home so you can do them when ever you have time . " " And so can you . I know that 's important for kids . " Sometimes watching the kids with Johnny made her feel more like a failure than she already did . But she was working hard to change that since she knew they were a very important part of his life and she loved them also . Jo walked Jenny to her classroom . The bell hadn 't rung yet so she wouldn 't be interrupting the class . Mrs . Hansen smiled as they came into the room . " Jen go put your things up while I talk to your teacher , ok ? It 's going to be fine I promise . " Jo said giving her a reassuring squeeze on her shoulder . " Jenny was concerned she would be in trouble for not having her reader . You may have heard our house was damaged in a fire over the week end ? The reader is gone . I 'm going to stop by the office to give them our new address and telephone number . I 'll pay for the book then . " " I 'm so sorry … I hadn 't heard . My family was out of town this weekend . We got home late last night . Is everyone ok ? " " Yes . I 'll be bringing Jen to school until we move back into our home . Here is the new address and phone number . The phone is listed under John Gage so if you call and get a recording it is the right number . " Mrs . Hanson knew all about Uncle Johnny and Aunt Lee . Lee had sent in a basket of rolls and muffins with Johnny and Roy . As usual , she included enough for the departing shift . As Roy made a new pot of coffee , Johnny unpacked the picnic basket . Cap heard them talking and came out of the office . " The investigators have sent a parliamentary report . An improperly capped gas line was ignited by a spark from an electrical short . Now they just have to figure out who did what . " " The family that lived there left two days ago for Nebraska . They left some appliances and furniture for a second hand store to pick up . I 'll check with Jo to see if she knows who . " " Yeah , we are moving into the pool house and it should work out fine . Maybe that way we can keep Junior here from totally spoiling my children . " Roy said laughing . " Uncle Johnny melts every time my daughter bats her eyes at him . I think she has been taking lessons from her Aunt Lee . " " Don 't think so … That was happening long before he ever met Lee . " Cap said with a grin . " You can 't blame her for that . Now , granted Jen maybe be picking up pointers from watching her Aunt Lee . " " Thanks for the back up , I think . " Johnny said laughing . They began chores when the engine was called out on its own . Johnny and Roy quickly finished their chores . They had finished cleaning the squad 's windows and chrome . " No , you didn 't do anything wrong … . and don 't give me that look . " Johnny gave him a ' who me ? ' look then smiled . " Lee isn 't going to a lot of extra trouble and expense because we 're living in the pool house is she ? " " I doubt it . She has had a vision of what she wanted out there since we first talked about building . Knowing her probably before that . She may be moving a little faster getting it where she wants it . " He sat down on the running board , his long legs stretched straight out . " She needs a project to feel hopeful about … this is good for her . She can see the results now not in months . She 's still scared but each day I think the fear lessens a little . She is getting really excited about going to Hawaii in three weeks . She even asked Dr . Shipper if she could go surfing . He didn 't know what to say to that . Lee explained it to him and he said if she didn 't feel comfortable doing it don 't but go for it . " He heard Roy laughing . " What 's so funny ? " " You . We all know you hate the water , yet you married a mermaid . When you talk about anything to do with water and Lee you seem really excited and happy . " " Because that is where she feels the freest and that we 're doing something as equals . I don 't mind being in the water when I 'm with her … " There was a quick darkness and sadness in his eyes that Roy almost missed . Maybe one of these days Johnny would tell him why he disliked the water so much . " Thanks guys for finishing up the bay . " Marco said when he saw the freshly swept and mopped floor . " Johnny finished the dorm while I was out here . " Roy said nodding at Mike . " Sink and shower done , so is the rest … You had most of it done before you left here . " Roy said . " It wasn 't that much … you all had a good start on the chores . " " Cap , we need to make a run to Rampart . " We need some more sterile water and sheets for burn treatment . We found several of the packages ruined . " " Tell Lee we said hi . " Chet called over his shoulder as he headed into the kitchen . " She isn 't working today , she and Jo are shopping . " He looked thoughtful . " Cap you know I never waste time over there when she 's working … I mean I don 't want you to think … Or get Roy in trouble . " " Pal , don 't let Chet get to you . You might run up and say hi to her or grab something to eat but I never worry about you taking advantage . From what I hear there are others that do … even when she isn 't there . " " You mean like when a whole case of chips disappear and a case of soda ? Not to mention the lunchmeat . Yeah she 's a little ticked about that . " Lee was working on the daily reports when Jo got there . She was about done , so Jo started looking thru the grant application . The phone rang and Lee answered . Frowning as she , listened Lee made notes on the pad she kept on the desk . Her comments to what was being said were short and very generic . She was still frowning when she hung up . " Not one that anyone can do anything to make better . " She shrugged . " Let 's go do something about a problem we can solve . " She closed down the file she was working on . " Any ideas on what colors you would like in the bedrooms ? " " It 's your house , shouldn 't you pick ? " Jo asked , appreciating Lee 's gesture . " But you 're going to be the one living there for the next 6 weeks . I know Jen likes pink and blue flowers . Chris will want a deep blue or red … something maybe with Dodger Blue ? And you know what you would like to make your room feel like yours . Anything you need for the kitchen we can get . Afraid all the towels are a mix of colors … just bought about 20 sets … Ten for each side … " She looked at her friend . " This is your home and I am not going to be trying to influence you on anything you want . It is nice having family around . While we are shopping we may as well pick out some more furniture for the living room … Get everything set up like a real home . " " Or eat at O ' Sheas ' . I could really eat their cheese straws every day . And their rye bread … . I threatened to give up cooking and just eat there three times a day . " " He just likes to eat . " She said with a sad smile . " But I do try to fix the things he likes . Now he will even eat an occasional Brussels sprout … I guess I wouldn 't give up cooking for him , its one of the things I can do for him . " " Hey , you do a lot for him . " Jo said . " Yeah like drive him crazy with my moods … Dr . Westmore said it would take awhile . But sometimes I think I 've lost what little sanity I had . I just want to run away and hide from everyone . Knowing how sarcastic I have been lately you all would probably wish I would . " " No we want you around so we know you 're safe . " Jo said laughing . " Seriously , if you need someone to talk to or listen … call me . We are here for you , all of us . " Two weeks later : The squad was called out to an accident on River Ridge . Two motorcyclists had been racing towards the bridge when a car turned onto the road the motorcycles crashed . The one rider crashed into the t far lane . The other rider who was nearest the river hit a piece of the wrecked bike and went flying into the river . " You want me to go in this time ? " Roy asked as they were getting the equipment out of the squad . " Nah . You take care of that guy . Cap , can you guys tie off a line for me ? " He gathered up a belt and more rope and started down the steep bank . The water was running fast since it had been raining up in the mountains he could see the rider hung up on some trees growing along the other bank , their roots tangled and sticking up . Making his way slowly he managed to reach the boy . He looked to be about 16 or 17 . His eyes were wide open , looking blankly to the sky . Johnny carefully put the belt on him and untangled him from the exposed roots . As carefully and gently as if he was working on a living person Johnny took the boy to shore . Marco and Chet helped him get him on the bank . Roy finished giving the vitals to Rampart and began treatment . " 51 , any information available on the second victim ? " Dr . Early asked " The second victim is Code F … " Roy said the sadness in his voice clear for all to hear . " He has been brought out of the river and is ready for transport . Capt . Stanley has notified the M . E . " " It is such a waste … That is the third person to get killed on that curve in two months . All near that curve … going too fast or having the bad luck to be in some fool 's way . " Johnny told Roy as they were cleaning the squad . The rest of the evening was quiet at the station . The crew knew that Johnny always took it hard when there was a fatality . The boy had been 17 and had just gotten that bike as a reward from his parents for getting an academic scholarship to UCLA . After dinner Johnny went into the dorm and read while the other watched a movie . Even after he went to bed he was restless and slept in short spurts . Johnny came into the kitchen and smiled as he watched her dice fresh fruit . She looked up when she heard him come in , her smile turning into a look of concern . She saw the deep pain lines on his forehead and the way he was rubbing the bridge of his nose . " Did you take anything for that headache ? " She asked as he came over to her . He bent down and kissed her softly cupping her face , his thumb gently stroking her cheek . " Yeah but it hasn 't kicked in yet . I don 't think I want anything to eat right now . " " You should have something … . I can make you some milk toast . I 've heard it 's not good to take aspirin on an empty stomach . " She smiled slightly . " Not that I take aspirin anymore . " " Not if I can avoid it . I take Baylor Park Road … It takes longer but its safer , I think . " She raised her eyebrows . " Usually . " " Brat . " He drank the milk in one gulp . " You know I really don 't think you 're a brat . I 'd never be that mean to ya . " " It 's a deal . Now get some good sleep . " He kissed her and went off to bed . She stopped to check on him before going to the sunroom . He had laid down on top of the covers and was asleep with his arm over his eyes . She covered him with the quilt she kept at the foot of the bed then went to her desk . A half hour later the peacefulness was shattered by Johnny 's cries for help . Johnny asked Lee to call Roy to come over so they could talk . Roy went in knocking on the door so not to startle his friend . Johnny was laying there curled on his side , his eyes closed . " No , but I need to . It was more than a dream … more like a memory . " He turned over onto his back . " I don 't want Lee to hear this . . . not now , maybe later . Maybe never . " " That 's your choice . It always is when we do this . " He used the techniques Dr . Hightower had taught him and Jo several years before . " I was running back to the reservation . I had stayed too long in town at the firehouse . If I didn 't get my chores done it would just give them another excuse to hit me . Not that they needed any excuses … I was an embarrassment to them … a half breed who had strange fits … couldn 't put a simple sentence together without stuttering . If I didn 't get home and chores done there wouldn 't be any supper . Not that it would be very good . Use to think when I was a fireman I 'd have a place of my own and there would always be plenty of fresh cold milk and bread . Fresh soft bread , not the old moldy stuff that was so hard you had to soak it in water to eat it . Sometimes it was so bad even the dogs wouldn 't eat it . I kept looking back to make sure I wasn 't being chased by any of the town bullies . The nearer I got to the reservation the more I had to keep on the lookout . My cousin Ben and his friends … they were as bad as the town bullies … Maybe even worse . I couldn 't go to anyone for help … who would I go to ? Ben 's parents ? My grandfather or grandmother ? My grandfather had told me tears were not allowed nor was fear … they both were signs of weakness . How could I go to him and tell him I was scared of my cousins and his friends ? Thomas , he was one of my older cousins he wasn 't so bad . Most of the time he just ignored me but every so often if I did his chores he would buy me a candy bar or some milk . I was almost to the river when I heard them . " Hey , half breed … You really think you could out run us ? " Will Tudor yelled as he and his friends , Frank Weston and Yancey Black on motor bikes . They were catching up so I made my way to the river bank . There were some exposed roots the dirt had washed away . They were like little narrow caves . I kept thinking if I could just reach them I would be safe , hiding like the sniveling coward they called me . " Roy felt the tension increase in Johnny 's shoulders . He increased the pressure as he massaged the knotted muscles . " Well now , Junior , if you ask me it showed good sense . You were a skinny kid all alone against three older , bigger bullies . As for you being a coward … you were what 13 or 14 ? Ask some of the people you 've rescued over the years if they think you 're a coward . Hell , you risked your life yesterday to rescue those two racers . Climbing out on those limbs to get life lines to them ? That was not the act of a coward . Don 't forget Cisco is always telling you it took a brave man to hook up with a hellcat like Lee . " " That wasn 't brave , that was the smartest thing I ever did . Well , maybe that and signing up for the paramedic program and being your partner . " Roy heard the glint of laughter in Johnny 's voice and felt his shoulders relax . . " I ran as fast as I could across the uneven road , took a tumble or two … It hurt to breathe like there was some giant hands squeezing all the air out of me . " He took a long slow deep breath . " I heard Yancey laughing as he cut across the road . He had a rope … I could hear him swinging it … Yelling to the others he could rope me and drag me … The ground was rough and Yancey was getting mad at the things Will and Frank were yelling . Yancey worked part time for Will 's dad . He was 17 or 18 and had dropped out of school after getting into a fight with a teacher . " " Yeah even if you caught him you wouldn 't know what to do with him . " Frank Watson added his two cents . Frank did not much like Yancey , thought he was white trash . That was almost as bad as being an Indian or a breed . However , he tolerated him since it seemed to amuse Will to have him hanging around . Frank liked hanging around with Will since it made life easier . No one argued with a Tudor so by association he got to be somebody no one disrespected , at least to his face . Frank worked part time at a local gas station . " You ever rope anything except a fence post ? " " Shut up and help me catch this skinny little breed . " Yancey growled . " Both of you get back to the business . " Will ordered . " I don 't want that little s . o . b . Laughing at us . " Johnny let out a shudder and then rolled over . " I still remember Will Tudor and the way he 'd take digs at my mom … Calling her names , calling my dad squaw man … I couldn 't do anything to stop it . I didn 't care what he called me … But when he started in on my mom … I wanted to beat him up to shut him up . Instead , I ran or pretended not to hear . Sometimes after running I would go away … away from the hurt and hate and afraid of losing memories of my folks . " Johnny sat up and looked around the room . " You never lost those memories , they were in your heart . You went to the only safe place you had then . " Roy told him . " You did what you had to do to survive . " " I almost didn 't survive that night . " " No , I got caught in a cross fire between them and my cousin Ben and his friends . " Johnny laid back down and put his arm over his eyes . Roy waited patiently until he was ready to talk . " Yancey lost control of his motor bike and the other two finally stopped laughing at him enough to help him up . He was skinned up and bruised but not hurt . He was more upset about scratching the paint on his bike and said I was going to pay for it . None of us realized we were back on the reservation . I don 't think boundaries really mattered to those three . However , to the people on the reservation it was different . If we wanted to fight and beat up each other , no one cared . But let one of the Cheyenne get into a fight with a white man … It was always our fault , especially if we were off the rez . If the town boys were caught on the rez that was a different story , usually . If they got the crap beat out of them it was ignored pretty much . No one wanted to admit that an Indian could beat him up . " " Ben had about seven or eight of his friends with him . Some were cousins others were just boys he hung around with . One thing they had in common was they hated me . I was a disgrace to the tribe , my family . They would chase me and call me names … Throw things at me or try to trip me when I went by them . Ben was the worst . He would come up behind me and take my plate and throw it down on the floor after calling the dogs in … . He hid my shoes when it was cold and rainy … tore up my school books … He had stopped going to school . No one at the school cared . He caused so much trouble they were glad to be rid of him . " " Do you need to take a break ? Maybe get something to drink ? " Roy asked concerned at how pale Johnny was and how his breathing was labored . " You had a rough rescue last night . " " You mean a rough retrieval . " Roy knew how Johnny hated to lose a patient . " There was no reason for that boy to die except someone else 's stupidity . Think we 'll ever get use to that ? " " Yeah , I guess so . " Johnny was up pacing around . The movie began to play again in his head . " I was sure that they would be busy trying to get the motor bike started again and wouldn 't notice me creeping along the edge of the river bank . Then I heard them yelling and laughing . They hadn 't seen me but they had seen Will and Frank and Yancey . Ben and his gang had had several run ins with those three before . It was like they were fighting over who was the biggest bad asses around . Just my luck I was the favorite target of both of them . The boys from the reservation … they were all yelling and doing war cries … I couldn 't see them from where I was hiding … I wanted to run to get home , but I had no idea how to without one or the other bunch seeing me . Besides I knew if I didn 't get home soon the aunts would be in worse tempers than usual . I moved a little farther down the bank and I could see Ben and Eric and Matt and some others moving in closer to where Will and Frank were waiting for Yancey to catch up . I thought I was safe hidden from each of them . " He moved back to the bed and sat down . " I was scared … All of a sudden I realized I could die out there all alone and with no one to care . I used to ask God why he didn 't let me die so I could be with my mom and dad . Guess I know now it was so I could be with my big brother and his family and with Lee … " Roy watched with some concern as Johnny began to rock back and forth . He suddenly realized it wasn 't because of the AS but feeling the cold from his dream . Roy grabbed up the afghan that Lee kept folded at the foot of the bed and wrapped it around Johnny . Johnny nodded his thanks . Roy waited until Johnny was ready to continue . " I was almost to the place I thought would be safe to get out … A small group of trees and some brush grew right up to the water 's edge . By this time I was pretty cold … The spring thaw in the mountains had started and there had been some late snow the week before … The water was so cold , I guess it had numbed me until I wasn 't moving as fast or as quietly as I thought . I think Ben and Will saw me about the same time . Never was sure who started it but they began throwing rocks and pieces of wood at me . I remember dodging a limb only to get hit with a rock . I could feel the blood running down my face and the pain in my shoulders and arm … there was blood but it was a real pale color , I guess from all the water splashing up on the cut . Yancey began shouting … Laughing and shouting about my blood being pink …… that when you mixed white and red you got pink … Said no wonder I was such a coward and a sissy … . Called me some other names … then I saw this rock coming towards me and I turned too quick … I went under the water . I was caught in tangle of roots … I thought I was gonna die … wanted to die … go be with my mom and dad . I was so scared …… But that day I actually thought about giving up . Then I heard my mom 's voice , her telling me how proud dad would be when I graduated from the fire academy and became a fireman … How proud he would be of me saving people 's lives . So I started to fight to get my head above water . They were still throwing rocks at me and then there was nothing . " He pulled the afghan closer . " The next thing I knew I was waking up in the clinic . Sean Carlton was covering me with warm blankets and I had another cast on my arm . Later Dr . Sean told me my cousin Thomas had brought me in . He and some of his friends had been hunting and they heard the yelling . Everyone scattered when they saw him and his friend drive up . Sam Gray Wolf went into the water and got me … Never did know if I went away or if I passed out from the cold . Guess the accident yesterday brought back some old memo " Anytime . " He stood there until Johnny got under the covers and settled down with his arm thrown over his eyes . Lee was out at the kitchen table talking to Jenny and Stacy . " Daddy , Lee said it was ok with her if it was ok with you and mommy and aunt Kathy and Uncle Jim that Stacy and I can have a slumber party next Friday . You and Uncle Johnny will be at work and Chris and Jimmy will be at scouts . " " We 'll see . Why don 't you guys go down to the pool house while I talk to Aunt Lee ? " " Ok . Thanks Aunt Lee . " They left excited about the idea of a slumber party . " Is he ok ? " Lee asked once the girls were gone . " He was so pale and his breathing was so harsh … He was having a hard time waking up . " " He 's sleeping . You know I can 't tell you about anything we talked about . " He had poured himself a cup of coffee . " But I can tell you I think he 'll be fine after he gets some rest . " " He was yelling … in Cheyenne before I could get him awake . Sometimes I wish we never had to have any contact with any one in Lame Deer . " Roy didn 't say a word . " I just want him to be happy . " " You make him happy . I think I 'm gonna head home and see if there is anything Jo needs . Maybe take a drive over to the house . " " You can leave Jen with me if you want . She and Stacy are fun house guests . " " A nice young couple . The wife inherited the house from her grandfather … One of several he built for friends . The stipulation in the original sale was when the owners decided to move or died the house would be sold back to the builder . Not to the builder 's company but to him . The present owner is moving to North Carolina to live near his daughter and her family . So the builder 's heirs had first chance at buying it back . The original buyers will be out in two or three weeks . " " And why did the seller talk to you and not us about this house ? " Roy asked . " They didn 't want to put any undue pressure on you . They think the market value of your old house will make a nice down payment even after you pay off your current loan . Seems the value in that area of town has been on a steady rise . " " No , he got several other properties . " Kathy laughed . " Our house was one of his . He sold it to us at a very reasonable price then Lee paid off the loan when I got hurt . But we had good well trained paramedics then and I responded well to surgery . Three months in a wheelchair and two of them it was emotional rather than actual physical trauma . But that is history and what is important is the here and now . " " So you want to ride over to the house with us ? Then maybe on the way back we can look at this other house ? " Roy said . Lee and the girls were playing a board game when the 3 adults went up to talk with Lee . Johnny was still asleep so Lee was glad for the company . Roy said they would pick up some pizza on the way back . The crew was working hard when they got to the house . Roy thought the foreman looked familiar . Jo and Kathy checked out the kitchen trying to decide if Jo wanted to make any changes to how the cabinets would be placed and looking at samples of counter tops . Roy and the foreman went upstairs . After about an hour they left and went over to the house cross the street from Kathy and Jim . It was a 4 bedroom house with 2 baths upstairs . Down stairs was a large living room , dining room . The kitchen was larger than their house and there was a small pantry . Jo liked the fact the laundry room was upstairs and was large enough she could set up her sewing area in it . There was more closet space and the master bedroom was larger . The downstairs bathroom had more storage space including a small closet . The basement was finished . The lot was larger and so was the garage . It would be easy to add a ramp to the deck . " Excellent . Most of the buildings are less than 10 years old . The kids catch the bus right at the corner , I can see them from my front window . It is 2 . 4 miles from our drive way to Johnny and Lee 's driveway . Their backyard boarders mine . The soccer field is close … There is as well kept public park about a quarter of a mile from here that has a baseball field and basketball courts , no problem with gangs or vandals because the neighbors keep a good eye on it . Easy to get to stores . Not sure how far it is from your church but there are several nice ones in the area if you wanted to check them out . " After listening to Kathy , Roy laughed . " So do you get a sales commission on this house ? " He asked . " Nope , something even better . Good friends for neighbors . Myra Barkin lives three houses down . She is a pain in the neck but we usually just ignore her . She wants to organize a neighborhood association to keep the wrong kind of people from moving in . " " Oh yeah . I think Lee and Johnny are going to have a sidewalk put in between our houses . And a privacy fence build along a stretch to keep Myra 's son from going onto their place . But they are the exception - - - the other neighbors are really nice . " Kathy handed them an envelope . " Here is the facts about the house , estimated taxes … what other houses in the area are selling for and what your price would be … and what WBS Reality would offer you for your house . " The Kildare 's , Gage 's and DeSoto 's shared dinner . Jo and Roy went back to the pool house . ( Johnny had been more than ready to eat after going on a run with Cisco . ) The Kildare family left soon after the DeSoto family . Once the kids were settled down for the night Roy and Jo read over the information Kathy had given them on the house . " This can 't be right . " Roy said looking at the figures . " Our house payment is more now than what they estimate the new one will be . " " Since when does money enter into her or Johnny 's logic when it comes to family ? How many times have we heard her say that all that money is good for is what she can do for the ones they care about ? I really loved that house . " Jo answered . " No , do you ? " Jo was a little surprised at that question . " The kids have done good about not taking advantage of their being here … And they have done really well not spoiling them . The kids have done well respecting Lee and Johnny 's privacy . Oh , there is a note from Lee at the bottom of all the official stuff . Any of the furniture we want from the house is ours … saves time and trouble of moving it out as the owners don 't want it . They are moving into a small apartment and wouldn 't have room for any of it . " Lee and Johnny were getting ready for bed . " Did Roy say anything about visiting the house across the street from Kathy 's ? While you were outside ? " Johnny got into bed . " We did and I didn 't . Kathy gave him them the information today . It would be really nice having them close by , but I worry they will think we are trying to pressure them . " Lee turned so she was facing him . " I know they had thought about getting a larger house at one time … if they decide to buy this one it 'll be their decision . I think one thing we need to think about is what the long term effects will be . The kids changing school , moving away from friends . Will it be harder for Jo to get to church on Sundays ? There are a lot of things to consider . " " I can just hear her mom screaming at her we 're trying to buy Jo and the kids ' friendship and destroy their family . … she is already mad at Jo because we all are going to Hawaii . . . Maybe their moving over here isn 't a good idea … No matter how much we want it to happen . " Lee said looking incredibly sad . " Good thing our prayers aren 't limited … One from column A and two from column B … " " Did we do something wrong ? " Chris asked . He knew he had been late to super the night before . He and Jimmy had been kicking around the soccer ball and he had lost track of time . " Am I in trouble ? " " Then me and Chris were fighting over who got to pick the show we watched . " Jenny said looking at the television . " I think if your mother thought you needed it she would have punished you last night . , not waited until I got home . " Roy smiled as the two on the couch looked relieved . " What would you think if we didn 't move back in the old house ? " " It would be kind of sad . I 'd miss my friends at school . " Jen said hugging Stacy Lee . " Would we still be able to see them sometime ? " " I think that could be arranged . " Jo said , giving Jen a comforting smile . " Would it still be close enough I could do scouts and play sports with the same kids ? Would we have to change schools before the year ended ? " " I need to check if you can stay at your school to finish out the year . But if the school system says ok we 'll keep on doing it like we are now . " Jo answered Chris ' question . " What would you think about living across the street from Jim and Kathy ? You guys would still be able to be on the teams you 're on now . The same rules about your aunt and uncle will apply . You won 't be allowed to just drop in any time you want and no asking them for special favors … but I am sure once they open the pool you all can go over to swim a lot … as long as you follow the rules . " " When will we move into the new house ? I 'll miss the old one but you told us it was family not a house or a place that made a home . " Jenny said . The new house doesn ' tt have a ramp . Will that make Aunt Lee sad ? " " If we get the new house it will have a ramp . No matter where we live there will be a ramp for her if we need it . Now , you have to promise not to tell any one we might move . There are some things we still have to work out . That means everyone , including your aunt and uncle . " " And your grandparents . " Jo added . She was not looking forward to that conversation . They talked a little longer then the kids went off to finish their homework . " That went well . So when do we talk with Johnny and Lee ? " Jo said with a sigh as Roy came over and set down next to her . " Lets invite them over for breakfast . We need to make some plans anyway . I think Johnny gets more excited about this trip every day . " " He isn 't the only one . Can you believe it 6 days of nothing to do but whatever we want . There will be kids there for Jen and Chris to play with . Lee said if we want to go off by ourselves that she and Johnny will be with them or some of the aunties that live there will be glad to watch them . I know she wants us all to go to dinner with her friends where their friend cricket sings . " " Then we 'll be eating out most of the time ? " " No , it seems as if the aunties have that all under control . The fridge will be well stocked but they are planning on doing all the cooking . Johnny is hoping this trip is what she needs to relax . She still has trouble sleeping . " Roy felt bad keeping a secret from Jo knowing how worried she was about Lee . But he had promised Johnny . Roy went in and called Lee and arranged for her and Johnny to come to the pool house after the kids went to school . The next morning Jo could hear them laughing as they made theirt way over to the pool house . She had breakfast ready . Roy had taken the kids to school . Since he was a little later than usual getting back she figured he had decided to talk with the principal about the kids staying there until the end of the year . " You two sound like you 're a good mood . Want some coffee or juice until Roy gets here ? " " Do you still have some grapefruit juice left ? " Lee asked . " We 're going to the store after breakfast if you need anything . Boyo is out of milk and I 'm out of Dr . Pepper . Just the bare necessities of life . Which reminds me , auntie Leah said they have stocked the apartment with our favorite sodas and some beer and wine . They 're planning on a pig roast Saturday … " They heard Jo 's station wagon pull in the drive . A half hour later they had finished eating . Lee noticed that Roy was kind of fidgety . He poured more coffee for him , Jo and Johnny and more juice for her . " We 've going to buy the house across from Jim and Kathy . I called the guy at the real estate management office yesterday . We 'll do the paper work when we get back from vacation . He said if we wanted any painting done they 'd do it while we 're gone . They are going to go in and clean carpets and do whatever else needs to be done . If we give them a diagram they 'll have all the furniture placed . I talked with the principal at the school and since the school year is almost over the kids can finish out the year there . The kids are excited about the move . They were concerned it didn 't have a ramp when we talked last night . There will be one and they are going to see if they need to make the doorway to the bathroom a little wider . " " We aren 't going to tell anyone till we get back … I don 't want to tell my parents until we are ready to move in . The kids won 't tell anyone . " Jo shared with them . " They 're really excited . " " Us too … It 's gonna be great having you for neighbor . " Lee said , and then looked at Johnny who nodded at her . " We have a secret we want to share with you . Actually , Roy has known for awhile but I asked Johnny to ask him to promise not to share it with anyone , especially you . So if you are gonna be mad at anyone … I 'm the one you should be mad at . The guys both have wanted me to tell you … but I was afraid … still am … " " No one is going to be mad . If you felt like you needed to keep a secret , you had a good reason . " Jo said in a reassuring tone . " We 're having a baby in May . " " A baby ? That 's wonderful , " she exclaimed , not sure why Lee hadn 't wanted to share the good news . " How long have you known ? " " Right after we moved into this house Micha Little Bear came and told us about a young couple that had been in a serious auto accident . Mark , the husband died instantly . Anna is at the Trauma Center not far from Rampart . She … they are keeping her and the baby alive by machines . She is just 17 . . . Mark was 19 . At first they thought the baby was due in April but now they are saying May … Anna and Mark grew up in Lame Deer . Micha thinks that Anna and Johnny may be distant cousins . Anyway , there has been some … some … problems and the doctors are working hard to keep Anna alive so her … our baby can live . " Jo and Lee both had tears in their eyes . " Johnny told Roy just before I came home from the hospital . Like I said I asked him to promise not to tell anyone . " " Because I was scared … Scared to believe it was really gonna happen . I was afraid of seeing the hurt and disappointment and pity if something went wrong . But I can 't do that anymore . It 's not fair to Johnny . I realized that the other morning when I saw him standing out on the deck . It was about six o ' clock , He was leaning on a post , a coffee mug in his hand . I watched him standing there motionless for almost 10 minutes , one foot tucked behind the other leg , the toe of his boot resting on the railing . I couldn 't see the expression on his face but his stance had such a sad lonely look . I was worried something was wrong but wanted to respect his privacy . I watched a little while longer then couldn 't stand seeing him look so alone . " Johnny had sat down her beside and had a tight hold on her hand . " That 's when I realized how selfish I had been . When he asked me if I didn 't want Anna 's baby or any baby … I am so sorry for being so selfish and so wrapped up in myself that I didn 't stop to think about your feelings … To even make you feel like I didn 't want … To make you doubt I loved you … " Johnny and Roy went out to the deck to give the girls some privacy and to get themselves together . " That took a lot of courage on her part . " Johnny said . " I had made a decision that morning . I had been up since about 4 : 30 . She had asked for a pain pill about midnight … think I had just dozed on and off since then . While I was watching the sun come up I decided if something happen and we didn 't get our baby … We would just stop trying . I couldn 't put her through that again . To be truthful , I don 't think I could stand watching her … seeing her heart break a little more each time the center called telling us Anna had another UTI or her kidneys were showing signs of decreased functioning . I want this baby . I go see Anna more than Lee does … . I tell her how loved her child will be and that I will teach our child the beauty of our history and culture . . Just like my mom did for me . I don 't know if I would ever take her to Lame Deer but I would teach her the language and pride … Lee always dreams of our daughter … " The Characters of Emergency do not belong to me . They are the property of Universal Studios and Mark VII Limited . No copyright infringement is intended or monetary gain made . While the characters belong to Universal Studios and Mark VII limited . . . The story 's are the property of the authors . |
He was ready . He had planned as long as he could remember for this moment , the moment when he would finally have her . She was always stuck in his head - the girl with the long black hair and the silver nose ring who brought him his coffee and cared enough to stop and chat even though there were other customers . He would tell her that he loved her . Tonight . He would take her ; she would belong to him . He imagined how it would be . The smell of her perfume and the way that she would stroke his face . The way that she would love him . That she had always loved him , but hadn 't been courageous enough to say . He didn 't mind that ; he wasn 't courageous either . Not at all . She took the same route every night , after her shift . Her car was always parked in the same place . He knew where to find her , and she would be easier . Easier than the others . He was ready . Mentally , he itemized his duffel bag . Duct tape . Rope . Flashlight . Washcloth . And in the backseat , a shovel wrapped inside a tarp . Soon she would be inside the tarp . Staring out the windshield of his own vehicle , he watched and waited . She wouldn 't see him here . As she walked past , he would sneak out of the car . He would grab her arms , hold them behind her back , and he would shove the drugged cloth over her nose and mouth before she even had a chance to scream . When she slumped into his arms , he would shove her into the back of the car and wrap her wrists and feet with the thick black tape . He was ready . The path was the path he had driven many times , winding through the trees and stopping deep within the woods . He would wait until she woke up , until she was present for every moment . That was more fun for him . He would wait , and then he would break her . Her screams would be silenced by the duct tape holding strong over her mouth , but he would still see her eyes . He could watch those eyes as the light slowly winked out deep inside of them . He was ready . He would have his way ; he would use her until she ran dry . After , he would take her body and he would throw it down the hole that was waiting . She would lay with all of the others . Taking the shovel , he would cover her with the soggy earth as she drew her last breath . Laughing , he would watch the dirt rain down on top of her . He would relish in all of the power that he held , the ability to both give her life and to take it . He would be like God . He would take her life , he would bury her . She certainly didn 't deserve to live . He was ready . She was coming now , walking slowly down the street while tapping the keys on her cell phone . Clutching the door handle of the car , he held still until the moment that she was past and then quietly slipped out , taking care not to shut the door all the way . She would never even see him coming . It was time . This is a question I find myself asking much too often , practically on a daily basis . Mostly because I wonder if I qualify . If I am a mother . When people ask how many children I have , when I have to fill out a form , when I watch friends struggling with their children or to create children at all … I ask myself . Because I want to be a mother . Because I was a mother . It wasn 't hard for me . Carter was conceived right off of the birth control . However , I failed the first several pregnancy tests . It was pretty late on by the time I actually got a positive home test . And I loved him right away . I loved him from the moment I knew he was growing inside of me . Because that 's what a mother does - she loves her child . When he was born , dead , they asked if I wanted to hold him . My entire life I have been afraid of dead things . When my goldfish died , I called my then boyfriend to scoop it out of the tank and properly dispose of it . When my cat died , I couldn 't look at the body . When my grandma 's dog died , I had to wrap him in a blanket to help her take him to the vet . I couldn 't touch him ; I couldn 't accept that he was dead . But my son was different . He was my son . Of course I wanted to hold him , no matter much it hurt . When I held him , it was amazing to me how light he was . I don 't know what I had expected . At just over four pounds , he was substantially lighter than even my cat . But he felt like he was floating in my arms . At the same time , I felt like I was floating above him , like it wasn 't real . I took in every detail - the tiny bit of hair scattered across his head , the way his fists were clenched , the fingers he had that were just perfect for playing an instrument , the fact that he had ten toes . I realized that every part of him was there . And it didn 't seem right , it didn 't seem fair that he could be all there , that he could be intact ( for lack of a better word ) and still be dead . It didn 't seem right at all . The one thing I didn 't look at was his eyes . I don 't know the color of his eyes . I never will . This seems important somehow , like something I should know . And it kills me that I don 't . I wonder all the time . I 've begun to forget his face . It 's harder to remember what he looked like . I never heard his voice , his laugh . I won 't ever ; I will never know these things . I can never know these things . He was burned , his remains put into a little box that fit into the palm of my hand and now scattered somewhere unknown to me . His things are gone . He is gone . I have no part of him left , nothing physical of him to hold , to see . I have no proof of his existence ; now he exists only to me . When I miss him , it feels like I 'm being gutted . There is no way to make it okay . There is no part of him that remains . I watch my friends , their desires to have and not have children . I see how much it pains them to not have that ; their words break my heart . On the other side of the coin , I watch my friends who do have children that treat them badly … and I can 't reconcile that . I have had and lost a child . And that loss magnifies it all tenfold . The pain , the joy , that comes with children … I want to feel these things . I don 't want to feel a loss . I am almost thirty . I am not in a relationship ; I do not desire to be in a relationship . I am going to grad school . It will be many years now before I am in a position to have a family again . I have had opportunities to have a family that I have let slip away , both by choice and not . Despite what everybody tells me , I know that I am making choices now that determine the course of my future and mean I may not have a family . The Jellystone campground had a high dive . It wasn 't just any high dive , mind you . This high dive was about fifteen feet high . I was a fish in the water , but ten feet was one thing when swimming down in the water and a completely different story when flying through the air . That 's what I would be doing if I jumped off . Flying . I curled my toes over the edge of the board and bounced a little , my heart threatening to burst out of my chest . The kids behind me screamed at me to go , to jump already . There was no turning around , the ladder was too crowded to get back down . It was too late to change my mind . The only way down was off the edge . Into the water . Plummeting . Fifteen feet . Some decisions can not be undone . They keep telling me this , disregarding the fact that I am well aware . In reality , there are no choices that can be undone . Every choice , every move , that we make results in an event or an action . Some of these things are small , but some are huge . My entire life , I have taken pride in my ability to fly solo . I carry the weight of the world ; I 'm not good at sharing . I don 't want to share . No one should have to carry my weight . I only share when I 'm desperate . I know I should be paying attention to what I 'm being told . Words like irreversible . Choice . Options . Force . But I 'm not . The words float in and out of my consciousness and seed themselves in the back of my mind . I 'm supposed to let a friend in , let a friend help . I need to give this careful consideration ; it 's required of me that I bring someone . I should do this , I should do that . I should , I should , I should , I can 't . I 'm tired of this ; I am tired of should - ing and I 'm tired of caring . I want to not care . Can I do that ? Just for a little while ? No . Hiding was an option I did not have . This would not go away . Four semesters into undergrad . Six classes , eighteen credits : three upper division Psychology courses and three upper division English courses . Keeping a balance between my two majors was a fine line ; I was attempting to finish them both in the time it would take an ordinary student to complete one . I was pulling a 3 . 89 GPA , had straight A 's , and teaching a successful TA section of Psych 101 alongside the chair of the psychology department . There was no time . There was no time for this ; there was no time to figure it out . There was no time for this to happen . Too much was happening , too fast . Too many things . Too much . No . It isn 't fair . But it is less fair , if that 's even possible , that I have no one to tell . No one to let in . I am breaking . It 's impossible to survive alone . I realize this now . But it 's too late . Secrets kill . They shatter everything . Which is more important , an intact reputation or a life ? Is it better to be completely destroyed emotionally but still seen as good ? Is that living ? What makes a life ? I have always been shy , since back when I was a kid . But school was a new beginning for me . I could be myself at school ; I wasn 't as shy . There were people at school who believed in me , supported me , and encouraged me to form my own ideas about how the world worked . Academic , strong , intelligent , awesome me had become the norm . The people around me , and even I myself , had begun to expect her . I had to do this . I had to do this , or I would lose her forever . I stare at forms and figure out what info goes where . As I stare at the question that asks " Do you have any children ? " A single tear slips down my cheek . I swipe it away furiously as I check the no box . There are no exceptions . No allowances . And I don 't understand why they need to know . If that makes it better . It doesn 't make it better . Nothing makes it better . I am struck by a memory , an echo of the words my ex spoke that night , his profession of love for me . We went to McDonald 's the week after we returned from our honeymoon , and he informed me that he would be giving me an allowance - I would have three dollars a day to eat on . He quit his job soon after that , leaving me the breadwinner of our family , in order to advance his private recording business and travel with bands . I earned all of the money , but I couldn 't spend it . He never lifted a finger to do any housework ; he believed it to be the wife 's job . My job . But he loved me . And every time he took something away , every time , he would tell me he loved me . He loved me . I thought I 'd be happy once we divorced , but it didn 't feel as good as I 'd thought it might . I wasn 't sure how to be my own person . I started school right around this time , and I found it to be a fantastic outlet . I had always known I wanted to be a writer , but I discovered that I loved the psychology field as well . Rather than pick one , I signed up for both majors , put my nose to the grindstone , and got to work earning my degrees . The third semester of my undergrad career , I met D . She taught the gateway course for the English major , and in the process of tackling her challenging course , I started getting better . She didn 't know how much she did for me back then ; there was no reason for her to know . But I started talking again . I raised my hand , I participated in class . I volunteered information . I started making friends . I learned that it was okay to have my own thoughts , and that people liked me for me . And I gained respect as a writer and as a student . More importantly , I started to respect myself again . The pinnacle moment of my growth was when , more terrified than I could ever remember being , I had to present a paper I had written in front of a crowd of both professors and peers . I insisted in the days leading up to it that I would rather take an F than have to speak in front of people , even though I had never received an F in my life . But with her encouragement , I pushed through . There was no going back , only forward . I had no choice ; I couldn 't turn around because I couldn 't go back to where I had come from . I spoke in front of people . I articulated and shared ideas that had come from me , without fear that they would be put down or criticized . My presentation , and my paper , were a hit . So was I . I dove into the depths of life , and I didn 't sink . What I know . Not doing this will end badly for everyone . Removing me completely from the equation , I imagine the pain that will come . I imagine the let down , the loss of NOT making a decision . What I fear . The people who care , how different their opinions of me will be when they found out . If they find out . I think of the pedestal I have put myself on ; I imagine the way they see me . In my head , I make their respect , their caring , conditional . How wrong they would find me to be when this was over . How much I would lose . I weigh the scales , the pros and cons . I remove myself ; it 's the only way I can push through . I sign the dotted line . I close my eyes . I leap . It 's over in a blink . It 's painful sometimes , the aftermath , the consequences of making a choice . But some choices are worth that pain . This is one of those . I didn 't know . I didn 't know how much of a hole would be left behind . I didn 't know how much hate would remain . I didn 't know how much removing myself from the equation would wreck me . I hated that I was the only one who knew . I hated that I was the only one who had done this . I hated so much that I wanted to disappear . I was nothing . Until suddenly , I wasn 't alone . Until there was someone else too , someone braver than me , someone willing to stand up and say , I 've done this . Someone braver than I . Someone who had done this , but it didn 't define her . While I hated what had happened , perhaps it didn 't define me either . Knowing this saved me during a time when I was drowning . I couldn 't go back ; the path behind me had been decimated . But I could go forward . Could , and did . I couldn 't go back . So I leapt . My favorite pajama pants are gray with tiny white owls covering them . My favorite sweatshirt has my school logo on it . My favorite blanket is teal and fuzzy amazingly soft . My favorite pillow is shaped like a panda . I hide in these things , in my bed . Night time , my old friend . My iPod plays . I miss the days my mind would just rest quiet . My imagination hadn 't turned on me yet . I used to let my words wax poetic , but it melted a puddle at my feet now . It is a calcifying crime , it 's tragic . I 've turned to petrified past life baggage . I want to disappear and just start over . So here we are . My skin is crawling . I can feel it on every inch of me , the cold touch . I can feel the weight of it . I don 't know how to let go . Not completely . It follows me , in my thoughts , in my dreams . And when I do let go , when I forget , or when I realize I 've forgotten , it bowls me over . Sometimes I don 't sleep . I write , I read , I hide under the covers . I sit in the dark and ponder how it matches my heart . Dark . Because something is missing . They 're missing . I can 't have them back . What I 've lost , I can 't replace . I 've lost a grip on where I started from . I wish I 'd thought ahead and left a few crumbs . I 'm on the hunt for who I 've not yet become , but I 'd settle for a little equilibrium . I 'm losing my grip ; I 'm tired of having to hide . I wouldn 't change my decisions . Not one of them . I did what needed to be done . But that doesn 't mean it feels good . That doesn 't mean it doesn 't suck and feel crappy . I 've heard that it 's okay to feel crappy . It doesn 't feel okay . Not at all . Not one bit . There is no guidebook . There is no one magical answer that will make it better . I want to be a person that I can 't be . A person untouched . Unruined . I 'm tired of having someone to hash this through with . I 'm tired of isolation , but I can 't escape it . There is a war inside my heart gone silent ; both sides dissatisfied and somewhat violent . The issue I have now begun to see , I am the only lonely casualty . I feel like I 'm ripping myself in two . Like the rational part of me is duking it out with the emotional part of me for who will control the spoils . Because I 'm too quick to jump to emotion . I 'm too quick to knock myself . I 'm too quick to forget the good things . That I agreed to do a group project . That I made a new friend . That I realized I was too strong to be used . That I didn 't totally fall apart . These things aren 't important . What 's important is that I cried . That I broke . That I let it all get to be too much . That I wasn 't strong , in that moment , in that moment when it hurt . That I let it hurt . What I want , more than anything , is to be a warrior . To be strong . I don 't want to quit . Don 't let me quit . Please . God . Don 't let me quit . I have worked too hard for that . Too hard to not be strong . Too hard to let this go . There once was a penguin that lived in the middle of the coldest part of the world . This penguin built her home on a giant block of ice , and spent all day every day swimming in the water around the ice and catching fish . One day , the penguin saw a bird flying overhead . She looked at its beautiful wings and decided that she too wanted to fly . She saw that she had wings , and she knew that only birds had wings . She assumed that because she had wings she was a bird , and that because she was a bird , she could fly . She flapped her wings and flapped her wings but nothing happened . She couldn 't fly . She got nowhere . She was trapped on the ice , but instead of enjoying her life as she had before , she spent every minute trying to escape it . " I can convey this on a literary level , " I tell M . " That 's why I wrote the piece the way I did . The tense shift in terms of the event itself is really how it is , how it feels . It 's separated . Detached . " I have a million or more answers to that question . First and foremost , it would make it real . I didn 't want it to be real . I wanted to rewind to a happier time when I didn 't have to think about these things . When I didn 't have to wonder if people would hate me . When I didn 't hate myself . I deflect her question . " I 've been doing better in class . I talk to people . I share stuff . " M refuses to let it go . " But back to the piece . What would happen if you said these things out loud ? If you used the words ? If you incorporated the experience back into yourself ? " I stare out the window over her shoulder and watch the birds flying over the field . And I wish that I could fly . If I could fly , things would be so much better . I wouldn 't be here any more . I wouldn 't belong to him . There is a common misconception that penguins mate for life . Many penguins do indeed remain with one partner , just like people do . Especially during mating season . However , once mating season is over , many penguins choose to find a new mate . Once the penguin children are born , the love dissipates . I remember sitting on my bed maybe a year or so after my son died . A lot had happened in that time . I 'd gotten sick ; I 'd gotten better . I 'd gone bat - shit insane . And I 'd left my husband for totally justifiable reasons . My crazy was justified . But as I sat there on that bed , the orange box cutter from work clutched in my fist , I was lost . It was around three in the morning . The cat stared at me , swishing her tail back and forth . The thoughts beat around inside my head . I had seen another life . I had seen another way of being , and then I had lost it . I had lost my son ; I had lost my husband ; I had lost everything . It was all because of me , and I couldn 't escape that . I couldn 't escape myself , no one can . But there was a way . There was this way . I told myself I wasn 't strong enough for anything else . That was a lie . It was nothing more than a moment when I realized I could never escape him . That he would always be part of me . That I didn 't know how to go forward . I am that penguin . My self concept was shattered . I spend every waking moment trying to escape . It 's my life goal . Escape what ? Escape my thoughts , my past . Escape my son . Escape him . I want to fly , but I am trapped inside my own head . I want to express myself , but I 'm missing the words . I still belong to him . Sometimes , when I close my eyes , I can feel his hands on me . I can see his eyes boring into mine , but I can 't turn away . I don 't like to sit on the couch where he was , or in the car where he was . I don 't like to walk where he walked . When I open my mouth , I imagine what he would think about what comes out of it . I imagine that he would disapprove , and then I disapprove . And I stay silent . Still . Because the belonging is that solid , that deep . That lasting . Because I let his disapproval mean more than any amount of approval ever could . I believe that , even now , it will always exist . I will always be his . I will always be here . Looking back now , I know that I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for . I almost let him take everything from me , but then I didn 't . I held on . I stayed . But I take the failures hard , and I run away from the truth . I run away from the things that happened because it 's easier to me than admitting them as true . It 's easier for me than saying they are real . It 's easier for me than taking responsibility , because I don 't know where that responsibility lies . Every ounce of me wants to put it on him , but I know that it doesn 't all go there . I 'm scared that , as hard as I try , I will never be able to fly . But I still keep going ; I keep trying . I need to remember that I 'm a penguin . I 'm okay . Giving up is a choice I am not willing to make . " Full or empty plate , we are bound to always catch up to ourselves . " Someone told me that today and it really made me think about the way I 'm juggling , or failing to juggle , my life right now . I cram my life full of as much as I can reasonably fit in it . Okay , so maybe the amount things I do can 't really be considered reasonable . But somehow I do them . I like to think I 'm superhuman . I set the bar incredibly high in everything I do , and I push myself to achieve , achieve , achieve . I can 't handle it when I don 't . And I don 't , frequently . I don 't achieve . I don 't succeed . But I keep going . I expect that of myself , that I won 't be a quitter . The funny thing about me is that I allow my expectations to carry over in every aspect of my life . I allow them to dictate my feelings . If I am happy one day , I expect it of myself every day . So when I have a bad day and I 'm sad , or when I struggle with memories of the crap that 's happened , I get incredibly frustrated with myself . I forget the things I am doing well and stick in what I 'm not . It doesn 't matter if I raised my hand in one class if I shut down in another . It doesn 't matter if I spoke up if another time I chose to be silent . I have a hard time understanding why I can 't just be one hundred percent okay all the time , every day . I was okay yesterday . So why not today ? Why am I this person ? Why do I let what happened dictate my life ? Why can 't I be free ? Why can 't I escape ? Remove myself for more than just a day or two ? Lacan would say that I 'm chasing a lack , that I 'm trying to make up for what 's missing ( and the fact that I don 't have a phallus ) . Lacan would be right . I lost five , almost six years of my life . More if you count the fallout of the years following . And even now I can 't talk about it . I won 't . The hardest thing is lacking an outlet , a way to get rid of the things inside my head . I know that 's what writing is for me . But I 'm more referring to a verbal acknowledgement that this happened ; a nod that these things don 't have to just stay under cover . I don 't know how to get that . I don 't know how to incorporate some things as a part of myself when they still hurt . When they always will . It 's okay to feel like garbage . It 's okay to be angry with yourself and it 's okay to feel things . Above all , it 's okay to just be . Sometimes , it 's the only thing you can do . I can read these things and I can say them , and I can believe they are true for someone else . But not for me . Never for me . I expect myself to be okay every single day , which isn 't right . And it 's certainly not fair . So for now I will keep flooding my life whenever I can , and I 'll keep floating on . Because that 's all I can do . Being full is always the better choice . Today was a great day . I went to an awesome lecture . I wrote a pretty darn fantastic paper . I hung out with T online , played Pokemon , and relaxed . It sounds incredibly cheesy , but I thought about life and where I 'm at now ; it occurred to me that I 've come quite far . Me three years ago . My ex and I were just starting to tell the general public we were expecting a baby . I was happy to be pregnant , but not happy to be with him . I was never happy . I was quiet ; I followed along ; I did whatever he told me to . Until our son died . And we fell apart . I left . Yes , I left . And I felt guilty about it for a long time . I felt guilty that Carter died . I felt guilty that I couldn 't keep him together , that I couldn 't keep our marriage together . I felt guilty that I wasn 't good enough , because that was what I heard from the people around me . It was all my fault . It was because of me . I was the one who was wrong . Me this time last year . I remember the moment that it clicked , sitting in D 's class . The moment when I realized that my goodness was not determined by the people around me . Whether I am " good enough " or not comes from inside of me . I make my own choices . I 'm my own person with my own ideas and my own thoughts . My failures are my own , yes , but so are my successes . And there were many successes I gave myself no credit for . I started to try . I spoke . I was me . I had the right answers , my own answers . I had my own path . I was myself . Me last semester . I lost my grip . Like a cat on a screen door . I just stuck in with my claws and held on as best I could , because he was always there inside my head . All of the progress I had made was negated because of one thing . One . I stopped talking to people . I stopped being me . I let myself be the shell again because it was easier than trying to conquer what had happened . The tape played again : It 's all my fault . It 's because of me . I am so , so wrong . I became convinced I had never had the right answers and had never been myself . Or any of those things . Me now . I realized today that I 'm actually talking . I 'm opening up to people on both a personal and academic level . I 'm sharing little pieces of myself wherever I go , letting a select number of people in . I 'm learning how to talk , how to be myself . I 'm getting better at it every day . I 'm shy , but it 's okay . I 'm okay . I am making connections and doing more socially . Instead of just being the cat who hangs on the screen door , I 'm legitimately climbing . Up and out . And then I came to my room tonight to go to bed and I saw this . This memorial . This is all that I have . A couple hospital bracelets and some papers in a box . And underneath , on the shelf , all of the papers and ugliness of the last couple years . For one day , I didn 't think about him . I didn 't think about the past . I didn 't think about them . When I was in grade school , my friend Alanna and I went to the local park . It was the middle of winter , and we were bundled up in down jackets and winter accessories . One of us , I don 't remember who , came up with the bright idea that should walk across the ice to the other side of the lake . It didn 't matter to us that winter that year had not been overly cold , or that the ice might be thin . What mattered was that it was an adventure . It didn 't occur to us when we set out that we might fall through the ice . At some point in life , I lost my willingness to take risks . I don 't know if it was the fact that I got older , or the fact that life seemed to beat me down every time I stuck my neck out , but I stopped taking chances . I stopped sharing secrets . I think that in losing this piece of myself , I 've caused myself to feel isolated in so many ways . Feeling alone in the world is the worst feeling ever . You can be in the middle of a room full of people and feel like even if you screamed at the top of your lungs , they would not acknowledge you . They would turn away . I am always pleasantly surprised when a person I meet challenges this view . I am always pleasantly surprised when I myself can take risks , when I can find that little girl again . I had an experience that I didn 't know how to talk about . And then there was someone else on my scope who had had that same experience . I still didn 't know how to talk about it , but I could write . That 's exactly what I did . When I was done , I had this thought . What if I let somebody read it ? What if I let someone in ? What if I made a legitimate connection ? When we first set foot on the ice , my feet almost slid out from under me . Alanna did fall . We laughed as if it was the most hilarious thing ever , and then I helped her up . We linked elbows and started across the ice , one tiny step after another . Too much Red Bull had been dumped into my body ; I was a ball of nerves . I bounced up and down on the balls of my feet , Energizer bunny style . " Have you read it yet ? " As she sat in the chair with her iPad in her lap , I towered over her . " I know , but … " I shifted from foot to foot and an idea occurred to me . " Just skip to the end . It 's the end of the story that 's the most important . Like , the last two pages . " There was a drive inside me , a push by some invisible force . I needed her to read it . I needed someone to read it , and I was certain she was the only one who would understand . It just would , I wanted to say . You would understand . But I didn 't . I needed someone to know , but I wasn 't brave enough to say it out loud . Just in writing . I didn 't know what this meant in terms of the person I was . There was a cluster of fishermen on the ice as Alanna and I moved away from the shoreline , crowded around a yellow sign on a tall pole . Thin ice , it read . As we shuffled forward , I remembered a Disney movie I had seen once where the main animal character plunged through the ice and thrashed about in search of rescue . I pictured the ice cracking and splintering under our feet , and the pair of us plunging to our doom with the ice freezing back over on top of us . My greatest concern with the most personal aspects of my life is losing the people that I most respect . There are a lot of things that I keep very close to me , and here I was letting this cat out of the bag , even in the smallest of ways . And waiting . Waiting , and wondering if her opinion would change . If she would think less of me . I read the message she had sent several times , word by word . I have never been one to take something at face value ; I read into everything that is presented to me . I could hear her voice in my head as I read the words , and it occurred to me that she was talking to me in the same way she always had . She knew my darkest secret , but nothing had changed . She still respected me . She wasn 't treating me differently . I took a risk , and it turned out okay . I learned something . I 'm not totally alone . Alanna and I touched down safely on the other side of the lake , sans any accidents or falls through the ice . Then we turned around and walked back across . It was the most fun I 'd had all Christmas break . Of course , we got in quite a bit of trouble when our mothers found out what we did , but all the yelling did not negate that we had had a major victory . We had taken a risk and succeeded . I 've been stuck here for months . I feel guilty ; I feel like I 'm wrong ; I feel like a generally shitty person . I 've hated myself . But the thing about respect is that it acts like a mirror . I took a risk , I shared this secret , and she still respects me . That 's important , because it means that perhaps I can still respect me too . When the man first grabbed my hand and shook it , I was mildly intimidated . He introduced himself , and mentioned he had his doctorate in comp and comparative lit . I wasn 't entirely sure what comparative lit was , but I knew that somehow , in a room of one hundred people , I had found the person that I could converse intelligently with . And converse we did . I had to think about that one for a moment . " Well … Okay . So . Take the piece that I got published . Nonfiction would be interviewing an animal shelter worker and writing a biography on the information that you get . Creative nonfiction would be taking that information and turning it into a piece that profiles her dog . " We chatted Hemingway for a while , and the ways in which he related to my personal writing style . Hemingway had never been a favorite of mine , but I was able to hold up my end of the conversation . We strayed from that to graduate school , and the places that I was intending to apply . And then : " I went to graduate school in Montreal . I took a class once with Michael Foucault . " I became quite excited at that news . " He 's my favorite theorist ! " I took a breath . " Well , I like how he attempts to change society 's ideas regarding power and power systems . " I was hoping he would let it go at that . " I find the whole idea of women and power and power relations and how Foucault 's theory challenges gender roles to be incredibly interesting . Especially the ways in which women obtain power and how power can be used against them . I wrote a paper about how discourse brings power and knowledge together . I think that when someone is allowed to have their own ideas , they gain knowledge . " That was an easy one . " Well , knowledge is power , " I replied . " What if I told you that power is what gains people all of their knowledge ? " " I disagree , " I said without missing a beat . " I think that even if power can gain knowledge , the majority of knowledge comes from power . You can 't give people power and you can 't take power away . " I remembered an example that had come up in class . " Say I have an awesome professor . When I 'm in her class , she has power because she can give me grades . I know that because she in charge of my grade , she has power over me . However , it 's up to me what I do with that power . I choose whether or not to give it to her . I choose whether or not to go to class . I choose whether or not to earn that grade . So in reality , she doesn 't have power at all once I know that it is in my power to earn the grade . You know what I mean ? " He set his wine glass down on the table and rested his hand across his beard , peering at me . " That 's an interesting theory . What would you say about how Foucault views the exercise of power ? I disagree with his idea that signs and signals have power effects . They have nothing to do with how we communicate . " " I respectfully disagree . " I took a sip of my own wine . " To me , it 's all about communication and follow the signs . Power and communication are inter - related . Maybe that varies from society to society , but they 're definitely related . And I 'm not sure Foucault really focused on that at all . I took more away from the ideas regarding power relations , that power is specifically the action taken on a field of possible action of others . That it can only be exercised over free subjects , that it can 't be forced . I feel like he was trying to say that we governmentalize power relations . If I can use that word . Which I just now made up . " He laughed . " I don 't know . It seems that you got more out of it than me then . I would go so far as to say that Foucault focused too much on the different areas in society where these relationships exist . Status and wealth and social differences and the like . And how those gain power and form relationships . I believe that power can be quite negative . " " I think you 're totally right that those things can form relationships . But I 'd say that power is assigned from where we choose . We can 't hold power over somebody unless they let us . I can 't have a lot of money and then hold that over you and claim to be more powerful unless you let me . Sure , money makes me powerful . That 's true . I can buy things and the like . But if you were poor , you could still be powerful . It 's all in how we act . You wouldn 't be not powerful or not able to make decisions just because I had money and I said so . It isn 't necessarily all the same . " I worried as the words tumbled from my mouth that they were completely jumbled . " Power is everywhere , " he quoted , " and it comes from everywhere . You would support the idea then that it 's not an agency or a structure ? That it just invades society and that it always changes ? " " If power can 't be given or taken , " I responded carefully , " isn 't it always in flux ? And it 's not necessarily negative . I don 't think Foucault believed that power necessarily had to be negative or repressive . It can be negative , but I think he was trying to say that it could be positive and productive as well . " Setting his glass down again , he fished around in his pocket and came up with a business card . " Say , " he said , passing me the card . " Since we 'll never talk again , probably . I think that you have a solid head on your shoulders . And I 'd be pleased to offer you a reference , should you ever need one . " I smiled and said thank you , staring at the card in awe of my own ability as he disappeared into the crowd . The words of his name and title blurred together as I thought the urge to cry . I wasn 't tearing up because I was sad . Maybe I hadn 't been completely correct in the things I had said . But I had been solid in my speech . I hadn 't backed down . I had made an effort to support my ideas . I had earned a stranger 's respect . I was tearing up because I knew that I really could talk . I really could share my thoughts . Why is my college awesome ? Why is my degree important ? Why is the English field important ? Heck , why are the arts important ? And why should we fund them ? I find myself struggling with the answers to these questions . Sure , I know the canned responses . Writing is a popular skill these days ; companies want a person on their staff who can write well . Arts people are good communicators . They get people and they know how to get through to them . They can take complex ideas and process them in a well - articulated way . They are artists , editors , keepers of history and providers of the written word . But do I fit into any of those categories ? I 'm not really one who fits in a box , at least not anymore . And that is what Parkside has done for me . It isn 't just some tiny nothing school in the middle of the woods . ( And I know I 'm not supposed to say that , but I 'm trying to prove a point . ) Parkside has amazing students and activities , and the College of the Arts and Humanities is especially amazing . The professors know their stuff and are able to convey lessons that are applicable both inside and out of the classroom . I have taken things away from every single class I 've had . I have not only learned about the literature canon and the history of more authors than I have time to mention , but I have learned about myself in the process . In my life before college , I was taught that it was wrong to think for myself . My thoughts weren 't my own , and I let my idea wither away into nothing . These messages came from everywhere in my life , and this conditioning made school very difficult for me in the beginning . I didn 't know how to speak up ; I had a very difficult time if I wasn 't absolutely positive I had the correct answer . The thing about being in a creative field is that there really isn 't one correct answer . There 's not really a wrong answer either . An opinion , a thought on a text , cannot be wrong . There 's only what you think . Our college has what is referred to as a gateway course to the English major : Literary Analysis . As I dove into the work at the start of the course , it became apparent that I was supposed to read the assignments and have my own thoughts about them . It was then I thought I wasn 't cut out for the land of English . There wasn 't one correct answer . By the time we got to Lacan around the fourth week of the course , it completely blew my brain . I read the words and I understood them , but my head was stuck on figuring out what the right answers were . I couldn 't let this idea go . So I asked the professor for help . I distinctly remember the conversation we had while I was standing in her office that day . I told her that I didn 't get it , but really , I did . I had my thoughts and ideas , but I wanted to be successful . I wanted her to tell me what to think . It was my worst nightmare ; I was stuck . I wanted the right answer . I didn 't want to think . I didn 't want to be wrong . As I tried to articulate what I thought Lacan might have been trying to illustrate , the only thing running through my head was that she would think badly of me if I was wrong . But as it turned out , she didn 't think badly of me at all . She said I " sounded smart . " I took that to mean I was going in the right direction . After that , my thinking started to change . I offered more opinions in class . I was learning how to be my own person . It was never purely academic for me . It applied to my outside life as well . The ultimate challenge came in the form of our final class presentations . I was not only expected to form an argument that was completely my own , but I was expected to articulate that argument in front of a group of professors and my peers and alumni … that was a lot to take in . Of course , it was for a grade . I couldn 't just not do it . I never in my life wanted to take an F more than I wanted to take that one , even though I had never had an F before . I completely panicked . There would be people . Looking at me . Judging me . Judging my paper . Judging my thoughts . And those people were allowed ( and encouraged ) to ask questions , which I would have to answer on the spot . My paper , which was an extension of me , was going to be up for debate . Because I was so close to the work , to the ideas , I knew that it would feel personal . They were my thoughts , and I would have to share them . I would have to let myself be exposed . That was a rough one for me considering that the whole idea of having my own thoughts was a completely new concept . There were multiple emails exchanged between myself and this professor . She did her best to reassure me . My advisor worked with me on how to answer questions if people posed them to me - she told me to just get up there and do what I had to do and get my A . She told me to believe in myself . But I was still completely freaked out . Believing in myself was not a solid concept at that point in my life . I was terrified the day of the presentation . As I started talking , I kept my hands below the podium edge so people wouldn 't see them shaking . I played with my feet behind the podium , stepping in and out of my shoes . I followed the words on the page with a pen . ( I still do that , and I 've now given several of these presentations . ) But as I was speaking , it started to come easier . No one was outright screaming that my argument was invalid . No one was laughing at me . I don 't remember all of the nightmarish things I thought might happen , but none of them did . I gave that presentation , and it was awesome . I fielded all of the questions that were asked of me , even the curveball question from my professor herself . I learned something about myself that day , and not in the academic sense . I learned that it 's okay to speak up . It 's okay to be my own person . It 's okay to have my own thoughts , and to say what I want to say . I learned that I was still strong and very , very capable , despite the things I had previously learned . Giving that presentation broke all of the previous conditioning that I had experienced . The presentation assignment was given to us to give us experience in sharing papers in the event that we were ever asked to share our work at a conference . But it was so much more than that for me . It showed me that I was still a person . I had things to contribute to life , both academic and not . I could live outside of the box and be okay . It taught me how to be proud of myself . This program literally saved me . And while I owe my professors so , so much , from the lessons they have taught me , I 've been able to change myself . So go ahead . Ask me again . Why is Parkside awesome ? Why is the English department amazing ? Why do the arts deserve more funding ? Why ? Because I am standing in front of a group of people speaking today when this never would have been possible in the past . Because I can speak now , because I can share these words with you and not be afraid . Because I am not the only one . There are more people out there who are like me . There are more people who need to find themselves , as I found myself . I have found a place where my people are , where I fit in . Where I can be a good student and have the answers even if they aren 't necessarily right . Where I can show up every day , good or bad , and be accepted just the way I am . By being at Parkside and working my butt off for my degree , I have found a purpose in my life where I previously thought I had none . Being a writer is who I am . Other people deserve the same opportunity that I have had to find themselves . If you 're looking for an arts program to fund , it should be ours . More money buys more professors who know their stuff and helps to keep the dedicated professors we already have in our department . More money funds more events that draw more people . Our facilities are top - notch , the best in the area , and we need to fill them with more people . We need to come up with ways to introduce people to the arts in a way that makes them fall in love again . More money helps more students like me become the people they are supposed to be . To find the words . So help us . Help us to grow ; help us to spread the word , to spread the arts . Help us to become an even better undergrad program than we already are . |
I never liked cats . Perhaps it was because my parents didn 't like cats , maybe it was because one scratched me badly when I was two years old . Whatever the reason , I never liked cats . " NO ! " I said . " You 're not getting a pet , and especially not a cat . I hate cats . " The death of our poodle , Moondog , four years earlier , and how Becky grieved when Moon was run over , was still fresh in my mind . I didn 't want to go through that again . " Don 't worry " , she said , " I 'm not getting any more pets . She belongs to someone , anyway . She 's wearing a collar . It 's okay if I just pet her , isn 't it ? " " The poor thing 's hungry . I can give it a little milk , can 't I ? Don 't worry , I 'm not going to get attached to her . " The next day , the cat came around , of course . This time she jumped in to my lap and started purring . " She likes you , " Becky said . A week later there was cat food on the porch . " You said it was okay to feed her . I can 't let the poor thing starve . " In central Florida in the summer it rains every after - noon . Sometimes it rains hard . Sometimes there are tropical storms , even hurricanes . Two weeks after she had put the cat food out , and by doing so fed all of the fifty cats around the apartment , it rained really hard . We hadn 't seen the cat in a week . It was only three in the afternoon , but it was dark and the sky was an evil greenish tint . An ear splitting meow shattered the relative silence of Ted Nugent blasting from the stereo . The cat was hanging on the window screen , dripping wet and baring her teeth , looking completely miserable . She , of course , wanted in out of the rain . Becky , of course , wanted to let her in out of the rain . " Come on , you wouldn 't let the poor thing freeze in the rain , " she said , despite the fact that it was summer in Florida . I reluctantly let her let the cat in , with admonitions to keep her eye on her because " you know how cats tear things up . " The neighbor 's cat had just destroyed his six hundred dollar speakers shortly before visiting the Humane Society . By then , " Kibbles " had a name . I was even the one to name her . " You know , like the dog food . " I was thinking " Kibbles and bitch " but didn 't say it . So did Kibbles . She was a really sweet animal , and contrary to my beliefs and expectations , showed great affection , especially to me . She really seemed to like me . Despite my fears , the furniture remained intact . I grew to really like this cat , even though " It 's not coming into the house " had turned in to " It 's your cat , your responsibility . I 'm not feeding the damned thing . " One day I came home from work , and Kibbles had a nasty gash just above her right eye . Becky explained what had happened to her . She hadn 't seen it , but Dan , the neighbor across the way , who now had a big red dog since getting rid of the destructive cat , had . Kibbles had been sitting on the porch when the dog decided to make Kibbles live up to her name , and tried to bite her head off . Kibbles pulled her head back and sunk her razor sharp claws into the dog 's sensitive nose . The dog pulled its head back , swinging Kibbles , who was holding on to the dog 's nose for dear life , over its head . Dan reported that Kibbles then rode the dog like a man rides a horse , spurring the dog 's hindquarters with the claws on her left rear leg . When Kibbles decided that the dog , who had shed copious amounts of blood , fur , skin , meat , and screams , had enough , she hopped off and strutted back to the porch . The dog walked with a limp for a month , and never bothered Kibbles again . All kinds of bugs are problems in Florida . Flies , gnats , mosquitoes , cockroaches , even flying cockroaches sometimes infest the best of houses . Where there are dogs , there are usually fleas , especially in Florida . The dog had its revenge by giving Kibbles fleas . Several cans of flea spray and a trip to the vet later , we finally got rid of them . Kibbles reacted badly to the vet 's shot , and wouldn 't eat , tried to bite us , and didn 't even try to find her litter box . She had gone completely insane . Fortunately , it was only a reaction to the drug , and she was back to her old self a week or so later . Shortly after Kibbles adopted us , Becky and I were watching a nature show on PBS . Kibbles was laying , as usual , on the couch between us . There were prairie dogs on the TV , doing whatever it is that prairie dogs do . One of them stuck its head out of its hole and squeaked . Kibbles ' head shot up , ears high , staring intently at the TV . The prairie dog stood there for a minute , kibbles staring intently . It then turned around and saw the camera , and ran off away from the camera . Kibbles leaped off the couch and around the TV , trying to catch the prairie dog . She sheepishly came out from behind the TV and watched up close for a minute , then embarrassedly slunk back to the couch . We laughed in uproarious hilarity . Kibbles shot us dirty looks , as she hated to be laughed at . By this time , believe it or not , Becky was teaching Kibbles dog tricks . Kibbles would stand up and beg , shake hands , even roll over . She seemed to understand nearly everything a human said , and would talk back if she thought she was being scolded unfairly . Of course , you couldn 't understand what she was saying , but it was obvious that she was arguing . By now I had come to realize that this was a very special animal . She had never destroyed anything or made a mess , except for her period of drug induced insanity , and was a very loving creature . She wasn 't loving like a dog , who will " kiss " anybody kind enough to pet it , but only those she knew and loved . If she didn 't know you , she wouldn 't let you come near her . What 's more she would do nearly everything we told her to do . She would come when called , and if we told her to " go lay down " , she would go lay down . This doesn 't mean that she was never catlike . She had her cat instincts , like ( fortunately ) using a litter box . If she was angry at you , she would get what Becky called a " cattitude " and have nothing to do with you except give you dirty looks . The one catlike behavior that annoyed Becky to no end was lizard chasing . She had honed her hunting skills to perfection in her dumpster cat days when she lived on garbage and lizards , and still enjoyed the hunt , even though she now had real cat food . Becky and I would be sitting outside the apartment , and Kibbles would prance up with a lizard tail hanging out of her mouth , twitching around like an evil green tongue . Becky would always scold her , and this would give Kibbles a cattitude . Another reason I hadn 't wanted Becky to let Kibbles in , besides the fact that I hadn 't liked cats , and didn 't want to go through the grief of losing another pet , was that we were not supposed to have pets . I had capitulated on this point , since this was a rule that was never enforced . It was probably a liability issue , the apartment owners not wanting to be sued for a dog bite and being covered with this unenforced rule in effect . At any rate , despite the fact that nearly half the people in the complex had pets , we didn 't want to advertise the fact that we had one . One morning I got in our big ' 74 Pontiac go to the store . When I turned the key , an awful grinding noise came from under the hood . I had visions of expensive repairs . Starter ? All the oil had drained out ? Maybe I 'll be lucky ( ha ! ) and it will be a belt hitting the fan . As I mentioned earlier , Kibbles always came when she was called . She never roamed like other cats , either , but she was nowhere around . We thought she had slunk off and died from whatever injuries she had received under the hood . From where all the blood was , it was obvious that she had been caught in the fan , and she wouldn 't have been the first cat to die from napping under the hood of that car . Becky called and called , and looked and looked . Kibbles was nowhere to be found . I thought I saw her once that night , but couldn 't be sure it wasn 't a different cat . Becky thought I was telling sweet lies . Later , she thought she saw her , too , but wasn 't sure if her eyes were telling her sweet lies . " No , it isn 't " , Becky said . " That 's not her , it 's another cat . She 's not coming back , I know it . She 's probably dead by now , poor thing , " and started crying . She had been gone for two days . Becky had been so sure Kibbles wasn 't coming back she had taken up her water and food , and emptied the litter box . Kibbles drank the milk , and went to look for her food and water just as Becky was putting them back down . One day at work I got a call from Becky . She was in the company hospital - her knee had collapsed at work . I went to retrieve her to take her home . The company doctor had put it in a brace which extended from her ankle nearly to her thigh . He put her on " light duty " , which was meaningless , since Disney World , where we worked , didn 't allow tattoos , jewelry , mustaches , sideburns , or visible casts or braces ( a really family - friendly , handicapped - friendly place ) on employees . Becky went in for surgery . The doctor slit open her knee and stuck in a fiber optic lens to look at the spur . There was no spur , but he scraped off the inside of the kneecap anyway . Becky was in the hospital for a week , and I broke my promise to not feed or water Kibbles . It was very painful for Becky to have me help her to the bathroom . She took a clue from Kibbles and used her litter box . Kibbles didn 't seem to mind . Six weeks after the surgery I took her to another doctor , this time one not connected to Mickey Mouse at all . His diagnosis was a birth defect , an underdeveloped muscle that holds the kneecap in place . Her kneecap had simply slipped out of place when it first collapsed on her , and the brace and the surgery had both made the situation worse . He prescribed a different kind of brace designed to keep the knee in place , and therapy to strengthen the muscle . Under threat of a lawsuit , Disney paid for the doctor and the therapy . One afternoon in 1984 I came home to find Becky crying . I was afraid something had happened to Kibbles . By this time , I had grown quite attached to the lovable little creature , who liked to play catch and keep away , and sit in my lap and purr . She had always kept me company in the bathroom when I took my morning stool . She acted as a back up to the alarm clock , waking us if there was a power failure during the night , which was quite frequent , as Orlando 's power company wasn 't too reliable . I would have hated for anything to happen to her . I didn 't understand why she was crying . I thought it was wonderful news . Becky , always the optimist , was afraid I would leave her for being pregnant , since I had seemed to be happy with just the two of us for the past eight years ! Becky 's pregnancy was Kibbles ' substitute for her own pregnancy that could never be . She was never as contented , or purred as loudly , as when she was laying on Becky 's bloated belly . When the baby kicked , Kibbles purred even more loudly . On The morning of the birth , Becky woke me at three . " It 's time . " Of course , I was groggy , it being three in the morning . " Time for what ? Do I have to go to work today ? " I made the coffee . We didn 't have time to drink it . By this time , we had traded the huge Pontiac for a somewhat less huge Volkswagen Rabbit . We called the doctor and went out in the pouring rain and thunder to go to the hospital . The nurse said they were false contractions , and that we should go home . The doctor checked her out . " This baby has to come out now , its ' distressed ' , " which is polite doctor talk for " the patient is trying to die on me . " Becky 's pelvis had been broken in an auto accident nearly a decade earlier , so could not have a normal birth . Since it was a cesarean , the medical team didn 't want me there . Becky would have no part of that . " I 'm not going in unless he can . " The doctor was concerned that I might faint , or throw up . I assured him that I had cleaned more than one game animal in my time , and Becky 's insides couldn 't look much different than a rabbit 's insides , only bigger . He reluctantly agreed , being afraid that arguing with Becky would take too much time . I was scrubbed and gowned to hold Becky 's hand as she was cut open . I peeked over the sheet just in time to see the baby 's head appear . She was born with the most surprised look I have ever seen on anyone 's face , before or since . I know nothing will ever surprise that girl as much as being born did . The " distress " was that the umbilical cord had wrapped around the baby 's neck , and the baby had dropped a stool and gotten it into her lungs . The medical team got the baby out and on a table trying to make her breathe . No one but me was paying any attention to Becky . " I don 't feel good all of a sudden , " she exclaimed , and became pale . The numbers on one of the machines started dropping . " OOoh ! " Becky exclaimed . The numbers dropped faster . Becky passed out . The numbers dropped even faster . " Nurse ! " , I called . " NURSE ! " One of the nurses , watching the doctors work on the baby , looked in my direction . " That gauge , " I said pointing . The doctors finished cleaning up the baby , and invited me over to meet her . They had her breathing and crying . Her astonishment at being born had turned to loneliness , anguish , and discomfort . I took her hand and she stopped crying and looked at me with her big blue eyes . It was love at first sight . I went back upstairs to look for Becky and the baby . Becky was still in surgical recovery . Leila was in a bassinet in the hallway by herself , crying . I went to her and held her hand . Again , she stopped crying . A nurse came out and told me I could hold her . Of course , I was terrified I would hold her wrong , or drop her , or something . The nurse assured me that it would be okay , and I held my daughter for the first time . They finally took her for her first real bath and a bottle , even though she would be mostly breast fed from then on . I went in to visit Becky . She was crying . She was sure that Leila wouldn 't like her ! Of course , this was silly . Leila got along with her just fine , especially after her first taste of breast milk . The first time Becky held her , I handed her to her . Kibbles and I spent a lonely week together , just like it had been when Becky had her knee surgery . When I first got home , she greeted me , then stood by the door , waiting for Becky . I opened the door to let her out . She looked out , and turned around , came back in , and looked at me . " They 're still at the hospital , " I told her . She laid down with her chin on her front paws . I sat down , and she jumped in my lap , but she wasn 't purring . She missed Becky . A week later , I brought Becky and Leila home . My father had bought a baby bed for her . My mother bought a car seat and chest of drawers . I bought her a little lay - down baby chair , diapers , and all of the other paraphernalia one needs when a new baby comes home . Kibbles was really happy to see Becky , and happy , anxious , and a little nervous at meeting Leila . Leila was delighted with Kibbles , and laughed like Kibbles was the funniest thing she had ever seen . Of course , Kibbles was the funniest thing she had ever seen , not having ever seen anything but the hospital and the inside of the car . There is an old wives ' tale that says that cats will be jealous of new babies , and will jump into their cribs and smother them , murdering them to regain the baby 's parents ' affection . My dad , indeed , none of the older folks , thought that this was false , and believed it as the gospel , although no one could ever tell me of a single instance of this ever happening . After knowing Kibbles , and hearing of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome ( which wasn 't believed in until fairly recently ) , I can see how this tale would have started . The cat , instead of being jealous of the baby , is protective of it . If the baby dies of SIDS , the cat jumps into the bassinet to try to wake it , and is blamed for the death , and usually killed itself . " it 's Becky 's baby , too . If you 're worried about Leila , you 'd better talk to Becky . I didn 't want to get a cat in the first place , and there 's no way I could talk her into getting rid of her . " A coward 's way out , I know , but sometimes discretion is the better part of valor , to coin a cliché . When Leila was six months old , we moved back to Illinois . My parents had divorced shortly before I got married , and my mother was the only relative for a thousand miles . Everyone else lived in Missouri or Illinois . So we moved to Illinois . When someone tells you that their poodle died of " natural causes , " they mean natural for a poodle - it was hit by a car . All poodles get hit by cars . If you see a poodle older than five years old , it is not a full blooded poodle , or it would have been hit by a car . The new house was tiny , and it was a dump . It had two bedrooms and was smaller than a double wide trailer . It was fifteen feet from a railroad track and was infested with mice and roaches . The stove was so filthy it was completely unusable until I completely disassembled it and cleaned each part with steel wool and strong detergent . To Kibbles , it was like heaven . Being next to the railroad track , the mice would move in every fall . Moving in in February , they were already there . There were several dead ones , and several open boxes of mouse poison under the sinks , in the basement , in the cupboards . We had a lot of cleaning up to do before we could move in . Having to pay a security deposit on this dump was a cruel , evil joke . The first morning after we moved in , we awoke to the sound of strange thumps in the hallway . It was Kibbles playing with a half - dead mouse . I took the mouse , to Kibbles ' chagrin , and Becky repaid her with a can of tuna fish . The next morning , there was a dead mouse next to my chair , stretched out like a trophy . Kibbles was happy ; she was on the hunt again . To Kibbles surprise , not only did Becky not scold her for hunting , but even rewarded her with her favorite treat , the one she used to teach her the dog tricks with . Kibbles was happier than she had ever been . The next summer was a drought year . People think of Florida as hot and humid , being in the tropics , but in the five years we lived there , the weather service never admitted a temperature higher than ninety eight degrees . If the humidity went over seventy percent it rained . Leila 's first Christmas was the winter before the drought summer . She had her first birthday in June , in over ninety degree weather . Kibbles didn 't mind ; she was a Florida cat . She spent part of the summer roaming around the yard , looking for the nonexistent lizards . Humans in the Western World think that speech is their unique , private domain , shared by no other animal . This is despite the fact that every one of them has had a dog tell them , at one time or another , " Get the hell away from my territory before I kill you and eat you . " In fact , all animals that make noise talk . Granted , it isn 't English , but the Koreans don 't speak English , either . Also , animals have very limited vocabularies ; in the case of dogs , it is only three words , " I 'm hurt " , " I 'm lonesome " , and " Go away before I eat you . " Anyone who realizes this can become an instant " Dr . Dolittle " ; just don 't expect much in the way of really intelligent conversation with an animal . And don 't expect any jokes from one , as humor and laughter are what really differentiates us from the other creatures . In Thailand , their " Garden of Eden " story is a little different from the Judeo - Christian version . In their version , when people lived in Paradise , they were happy because they didn 't know how to talk , and therefore had nothing to argue about . Then the evil cats taught them to talk , and they have been arguing and fighting and going to war and killing each other ever since . What is interesting about this legend is that there are absolutely no noises that a cat makes that isn 't a real Thai word . In fact , " Meow " is Thai for " I want " . If you are ordering fried rice in a Thai restaurant , you say " Meow Cow Pot " . Two women arguing in Thai sound exactly like two cats fighting . The term " cat fight " , referring to two women fighting , probably originally comes from Thailand . Kibbles was the first animal I knew that learned to talk in English . Unlike a parakeet , she knew what she was saying . When Leila started calling Becky " Mom " , so did Kibbles . Kibbles also said " out " when she wanted out , " rat " when she wanted food , and her favorite word , " No " . I suspect that this is not too uncommon with some cats , as I met a cat later that could say " hello " and " Help " . As far as I know , Jeff 's cat only knew these two words , but they were clear and unmistakable . One time when we were visiting Jeff , his cat , who lived outside , woke me up with several " Help ! " s . I thought it was a ten year old child . I opened the door , and the cat walked in and said " Hello ! " Leila 's toddling around was not pleasant for Kibbles . Kibbles was Leila 's favorite toy , and Leila pestered her constantly . One thing she loved to do was to sneak up on Kibbles when Kibbles was sleeping on the couch , then slam her little hands down next to kibbles and yell " CAT ! " . Kibbles would jump a foot in the air and take off running . Leila would laugh as loud as she could , and Kibbles always hated to be laughed at . One cold , overcast , windy , snowy morning , it was time . I didn 't have a car , so my dad loaned me his pickup truck . I took him to work and Leila to my grandmother 's , then went back home to take Becky to the hospital . The new baby 's birth was nothing like Leila 's . The baby wasn 't surprised , she was furious . She came out screaming her little head off . When the nurse brought her around to show me , she screamed even more loudly . It was pretty obvious that this little girl didn 't like me a bit . Kibbles , Leila , and I spent another lonely week . Becky hadn 't tried to potty train Leila yet , so I did that week . I was very lonely that week , especially at night . Leila seemed to do okay , except at night . Kibbles slept a lot . I stayed home so Leila and I could go see Becky and Patty every day . Because of the hospital 's incredibly stupid rules , Leila met Patty only once that week , which made her even more angry than it made me . The second day we went to visit Patty and Becky , Leila had been in potty training for two days . The weather was nice , so we walked the two miles to the hospital . Well , I walked - Leila rode in her stroller . Halfway there she started crying . " What 's wrong " , I asked . " I gotta go potty ! " she wailed . I told her it was okay and comforted her , but she cried the rest of the way there . She wanted to be a " big girl " , especially since she had a baby sister . Becky wanted to know why she was crying . When I told her , she didn 't believe me . She hadn 't thought Leila was old enough to potty train , especially in three days ! Actually , it only took a day . About a week after Becky and Patty came home , Patty started liking me a little . Feeding her and changing her diapers helped . Kibbles had a new baby to watch over , and was very happy . If she couldn 't have kittens , well , kids would do . Becky bought a covered litter box for kibbles , since Kibbles often kicked litter out of her old box , and we were pretty sure my Mom wasn 't going to like that very much . We put a couple of suitcases and Kibbles ' litter box in the back of the little car , with a towel in the bottom for her to lay in . The kids had their pillows in the back seat with them , and the car was packed - literally . A few years later , the house across the street became vacant , and Becky snatched it up . It was much larger , with a larger basement , an attic , and a very large back yard . I spent weeks mowing the waist high grass . The girls had mixed feelings . They liked the big yard - they hadn 't been allowed in the tiny yard without supervision at the old house , since there was a railroad track and no fence , and their bigger bedroom , but it was strange to them . Patty had never lived anywhere else , and Leila hadn 't since she was six months old . Kibbles slept more and more , and played less and less . She had windows she could lay in , and porches to sun herself on . On weekends , Patty would get up early and watch television . Kibbles would watch with her . Some people with a big dog moved in next door . Kibbles got fleas again . The fleas took quite a toll on Kibbles and her allergy to flea bites . The people next door moved out , and we finally got rid of the fleas by late winter . One springtime Saturday morning that year a wasp got in the house . We found out about the wasp from Kibbles ' frantic yelp - she was sunning herself in the pantry window when it stung her on the cheek . We got the wasp out , finally . I don 't know who was more afraid of the wasp , Kibbles or the girls . One Sunday afternoon , Becky came in , shaken . " I think my cat is dead ! " , she said . I went out on the porch to look . She was limp and didn 't seem to be breathing . I lifted her head , and she opened her eyes . She seemed disoriented and could barely walk . By the next weekend she was strong enough to climb up in Patty 's bed , but not strong enough to jump off . She tried anyway , and landed with a thud . She was going downhill again . The sore on her cheek still hadn 't healed . She couldn 't walk at all . Again , she got stronger . She got to the point she could again get in a window , and kept falling out . It seemed she would get better , the sore on her cheek even healing . She took a turn for the worse a few weeks later . In a few days , she went from jumping up in the window to walking with a stagger . That Monday night , we were awakened by a plaintive , pained " Mom ! " , and thought it was one of the children having a bad dream . Becky went to comfort whoever it was . It was Kibbles . The next morning we all knew was her last . She couldn 't walk , could barely lift her head . I asked her , concernedly , " Kibbles , are you going to be all right ? " When I came home for lunch , Kibbles was laying in the bathroom , where she had been spending most of her time the last week . I went in to pet her , and when I went to the kitchen , she tried to follow me , but couldn 't . I picked her up and carried her in with me . Becky petted her while I ate . Kibbles tried to get down off of her lap , so Becky laid her down on a towel . She lifted her head one last time , choked , and was gone . We all went in to the kitchen , where Kibbles was in her box , to pay our last respects . There were tears all around . We closed the box , and I carried it to the back yard for the funeral . |
Leave a reply Some of the people we saw during the day . President Nyawo with his youngest . Khulekani looking very much like the missionary he will be in about a month . He has come along way from his dreadlocks days . Having the elders over for dinner is always a treat for us . Elder Lerios was in 7th heaven because just about everything already had catsup on it so he did not have to add much … Elder Bentley 's big smile was a little forced . He has been fighting a cold for over a week but it never kept him from going out and doing his best . Elder Webster has just been in the mission for about 3 weeks now . He does not look nearly as in shock as he was when we first met him . His positive attitude and desire to work hard means he will be an excellent missionary . He is working in Enseleni with elder Dimene . It was a normal Sunday for us . While I met with the Esikhawini PEC , Mary met with sister Khumalo and started planning for the RS section of District Conference in July . We will not be here and the new couple will not have arrived , so Mary wants to help sister Khumalo get as prepared as she can . We went to sacrament meeting at Port Durnford . It was President Vezi 's first meeting as branch president and he came a little closer to starting on time . Just having his family there adds 7 or 8 people to the congregation and hopefully he will get some of the less actives coming back to church on a regular basis . He did have one problem - he forgot to bring bread but brother Machaka brought some so things worked out . It would be interesting to come back in a year and see how the branch had grown . After the meeting at Port Durnford we went to Enseleni where brother Chiliza had arrived early - President Vilane is still too weak to come - and the elders were helping him get prepared . He started the meeting just two minutes late with 12 members in the congregation and four of those were missionaries . By the time the meeting was over there were 41 in attendance of which 16 were primary children . I am going to work with brother Chiliza sometime during the week to better prepare him to conduct . He seems to have a little problem following the agenda as he tried to do away with the opening song and prayer and later the closing song . But he will learn and he seems willing to serve . After the meeting we came home and took naps . I guess we are either getting old or lazy . We spent part of the afternoon preparing dinner for the elders . Mary cooked a roast which I sliced and put in a pan . Mary slathered it with her famous BBQ sauce and we heated it just before the elders were to arrive . There was also BBQ baked beans , corn , rolls and a big green salad . Everything pretty much disappeared except the salad which we packaged up and they took back to their boardings . One thing I really liked about the menu for the night was that there was a lot less dishes and pans to clean up after the elders had left . As always the elders had a lot of fun as well eating more than they should . They also recount about attendance at all the branches . We counted up what the attendance at sacrament was for the district and with Kosi Bay added in it should have been about 265 which is about 55 % of the district . Esikhawini is getting well over the 80 they need as average attendance to apply for a permanent building . They now need to work on getting the tithing up to where it should be . Richards Bay had fewer people in attendance than any other branch . It is too bad the best chapel in the district is available to the smallest branch . Hopefully the day will come when they will start growing and be able to fill the chapel . This entry was posted in Mission - South Africa on May 31 , 2010 by Bill . 29 May 2010 Leave a reply I finally got a good picture of a small truck load of logs . We see them everywhere but not often stopped where I can take the picture . This rather gray and black colored bird shows up from time to time at Esikhawini and was patient enough to stand still so I could take its picture . This was the last day the Bs would be in Enseleni and with president Vilane . They will miss each other . These three pictures are from around the home of a woman in her early 40 's who is very well educated , speaks three languages , is computer literate and can not get a job . She has two children - one is in college and one is in high school . If you look at the wall at one end of their house you can see that there is nothing between the logs . It provides a nice flow of air in the summer but in the winter it is very cold . The middle picture is of their empty chicken coop . They had to eat the chickens that provided eggs . She cooks over wood in an outside kitchen because they do not have enough money for electricity to cook by . With all of this the family is always clean and neat and manages to stay together with love . For some reason hearing about the problems the US is having right now does not seem significant when you meet with such poverty . It seems that for the last part of our mission I am going to get a lot of opportunities to learn patience . This morning when I tried to open the garage the automatic opener stopped half way up and would not budge so I had to disconnect it to get it open and the car out . This is of course the third time since we got it back that it has decided to re - program itself . The other blessing I have is the rattle that is impossible to find but is always there to help me learn patience . We went shopping for food for tomorrow 's dinner with the elders . We are trying to keep it simple so that we do have to spend too much time cooking on the Sabbath . Of course there will be some but for a good cause . Mary also had some things copied and laminated for he music students . We thought that the Enseleni social was supposed to start at 12 : 00 so we picked up president Vilane at 12 : 30 and drove him to the library . Luckily it was not starting until 2 : 00 because by the time we got to the library it was obvious that he should not do anything but rest until he is feeling better . The Bs met us at the Vilanes and I took a picture of them with the president . We also arranged to meet this evening for dinner at the mall . We then drove to Esikhawini where I dropped off Mary so she could teach piano and I drove over to see President Nyawo . I gave him one of our four remaining printers along with the CD for installation and some extra ink cartridges . Once he gets everything hooked up he should be able to produce the monthly home teaching and visiting teaching messages for his branch . We also talked about calling and other things about how to help the members grow spiritually such as family prayer , scripture reading , FHE and of course Home Teaching . When we arrived and when we left , Sister Khumalo was working her garden plots . It is a shame that her healthy son is not working along side her but culturally it is just not heard of here . Some gogos with three or four healthy young men living in their house do all the gardening by themselves . Sister Ndlovu was also at the chapel doing the weekly cleaning . They are again out of cleaning supplies and I am not sure how we will ever get them delivered on a regular basis . They seem to make it to the RB chapel but not to the Esikhawini . I need to call Ray Holder again and see if there is not some way to get a regular delivery . Mary had three of her students show up so each got a nice long lesson . She feels that all of them are progressing . She does wish that she had longer to teach them . We are hoping that the new couple can continue the program when they get here . The Griesemers were waiting for us when we arrived at McDonalds . We arranged to meet the Bs at the mall . As we parked at the mall , I kidded elder Griesemer about how dirty his car was . He then opened the boot and showed us a tire that had a big dent in the rim . They had been driving down the N2 and had hit a rock in the middle of the road and immediately had a flat . Luckily it was a back tire and so he did not lose control of the steering . The six of us had a very nice dinner at Mugg and Bean . We talked about our mission experiences , the wonderful members we have come to love , if we were going on another mission and if so when , etc . Having the Griesemers come up most weeks has been a real blessing for us and having the Bs here for the last 10 or so days was special . Since the Bs are going to the Richards Bay branch for church tomorrow and then heading down to Durban to head home . We gave them back their suitcase that was now full of many of our remaining souvenirs and said goodbye until we see them Utah . They are a special , loving couple who do good wherever they are . I will be surprised if they come back to Africa any time soon but they will be remembered here for many years to come . SOUTH AFRICA : Are the doors locked , are the windows closed . is the car put away , is the alarm activated and have you fed the Rottweilers ? Sleep tight , and dont worry about the lights , Eskom will put them out . CRIME : The vast majority of visitors complete their travels in South Africa without problems ; however , visitors should be aware that criminal activity , including violent crime , is prevalent throughout the country . Be alert and aware of your surroundings at all times , looking out for your own personal security . While driving , keep doors locked and windows closed , avoid having purses , phones , bags and luggage in plain view , and when stopping at intersections at night or in isolated locations , leave enough space in front of your vehicle for a quick exit . Be wary of street vendors at traffic lights , planted obstacles and staged " accidents " that may be traps for unsuspecting motorists . Do not stop for cars with flashing lights unless they are clearly marked as police or emergency service vehicles . Park your car in secure , gated parking lots or garages wherever possible , and do not leave bags or valuables in plain view . Travellers to South Africa should avoid carrying or displaying expensive items or wearing eye - catching jewelry , stay in a group , and avoid walking at night . Keep a photocopy of your passport with you , leaving the original in a hotel safe or other secure location . One problem visitors are going to have is buying a cell phone to use while they are here . To buy a phone in South Africa requires proof that you live here and have a street address . This means you have to have something like a utility bill showing your name and address . The Bs found this out when they tried to buy one and they would not sell it to them . They used Mary 's while they were here and it worked out fine . I forgot to mention the one problem we had yesterday . After the workmen had all left , I could not find the extra set of house keys . Both sets had been in use during the morning and I thought perhaps someone had accidently taken them . After we looked about everywhere we thought they could be , I called and asked if they happened to have them and they said they did not . So that led to more looking until it was time to leave . I was worried that one of the helpers might have picked them up and could get into the house . Of course the alarm would go off but even in a few minutes they could take computers , etc . When we got home for the evening everything was fine and more searching did not turn up the lost keys . I decided that the next day I would get someone up to change the locks . Since I am writing this on Friday morning I can report that as I walked out to take out the rubbish bin for pickup , there glittering in the morning sun were the keys . They were lying in the sand just off the walkway . I do not see how we did not see them earlier and a thought came that perhaps Rob found them later in his pocket and tossed them there . However they appeared this morning , I count it as another of the Lord 's tender mercies . It is a good way to start the day . Our first stop of the day was to visit President Vilane . It was good to see him being able to walk around the house but he is a long ways from being well . I went through the order for next year 's supplies so I can turn it in . Three of the branches need very much because they do not have SS so they just need a few things for Primary , YW and YM . From there we went to see mama Zulu and take her some used clothing that we were given . She was happy to get it because she can sell it or use the material to make other things . As we were leaving mama Zulu 's we got a call from the Esikhawini elders saying that they had locked the keys in the car and did we have a spare . Usually that would have meant going back to our boarding and getting the keys but because we had seen the Davises just a couple of days ago about what spare keys we had , Mary still had them in her purse . So we were able to drive to the KFC in Empangeni and solve their problem . Since we were already there we had our lunch at the KFC . We drove back to our boarding to load up for Youth at Esikhawini . We decided to take the banana stalk that the Mickelsen 's had given us because the bananas were ripening very quickly . It is a good thing that we went to Youth because the YM had no representatives there and sister Nyawo is still too new to really take charge . So we had a short lesson on the theme - they still have not learned it - and then played some gospel related games . There was a good turn out today . A number of non - LDS young men who are really too young show up because they like the games and the treats . I am going to suggest that the elders drop by regularly if possible to see who is coming and who is not . We drove home in the semi - darkness that comes early in the winter . I forgot to mention that the other day we finally got to see a cane field burning . It was a very large field and I am not sure that it did not get out of hand . It was right along the road from the John Ross to Esikhawini and it was dark enough that the flames flashed against the sky . Unfortunately there is almost always a cloud of smoke hanging over the landscape . It clears up when the wind comes up but it is still not a nice sight . Our morning was filled with Rob fixing our gate so it would open automatically and Martin fixing our garage door so it would open all the way . Both of these men are great people to know and I felt good when I said goodbye to Rob and mentioned that there would be another couple coming soon after we leave . He said that is fine but what if they were not as friendly as I was . I told them I was sure they would be . We went to DDM at Richards Bay but I spent most of my time getting up to talk to people who came in or on the phone . A young white returned missionary who lives in Kloof but is trying to get a job at a college in Empangeni came by with his mother and we had a nice talk about the district . He wants to live in Empangeni and go to the Engwelezane branch . That would be a great help to the branch and president Mngadi could have a counselor who was raised in the church and knows how it should work . I am certainly going to try and pray him into the job . President Vezi came by and I needed to talk to him about Port Durnford 's material order for next year . I had written a suggested one and asked him to look it over and make any adjustments he felt was needed . I also gave him a stack of Sacrament Meeting agendas because they were out . From what I did take part in , I thought elder Dimene did an excellent job as DL . It was well planned and informative . He is a fine and humble elder who is doing all he can to get the missionary work moving in Enseleni . Elder Webster seems to be coming right along and is gaining confidence each day . We picked up two of Mary 's English students and so she had a full house at the Nzamas . While she taught I tried to find the rattle that is bugging me greatly . I thought I had found it earlier when I discovered a loose bracket but tightening it did not solve the problem . I have one more place to look and if I do not discover the problem there I will probably just give up and live with for the next 6 weeks . We had four of our 6 young people for Youth . We had a short lesson on reading the scriptures - Thandi Nzama could not be there - worked on memorizing the theme and then we played some games related to the theme and the Book of Mormon . Lugani once again did not show up for Youth or piano - he said that he has been staying late at school for music . I need to ask him if he is in the band . I called President Mann to ask him about a couple of meetings and what was going on in the mission . I caught him at one of those rare times when he could talk . He said that he had seen Elder Nare - now brother Nare - and that he had lost almost 70 pounds . The president asked the Allreds to take him to a good doctor and it was discovered that he has TB with his lungs almost filled . Hopefully he will recover his health but there is a question if he can ever sing as well as he did . After youth we drove to the waterfront and had dinner with the Bs at the Thai restaurant . We had a good meal and talked about a lot of things that are going on in the district and about some of the people who are trying hard to live the gospel in areas and a culture that make it very hard . It is really good to have them here even for just 10 days . Not only are they good friends , they also give us insight to the people that we have not and will not develop . DDM was good - elder Reeves is still trying to figure out just what he wants to do as a district leader . We talked about planning and how to improve it . Elder Lerios is still not feeling very well and I am a little worried about his fever . If it does not break soon I will insist he sees a doctor . After DDM we had our usual Wednesday lunch at KFC . I called president Mngadi to see if we could meet with him but found that he had the flu and sounded terrible . Earlier I had called president Vilane and he sounded great . Hopefully he is no the way to full recovery . We then went to Esikhawini where Mary taught English to sister Ndlovu and I went to see brother Machaka . I did not have a chance to talk to him on Sunday about his release and wanted to see how he felt about it . He mentioned that now he could go to Zimbabwe for his new passport because he did not have to be here each Sunday . Hopefully he can soon do this so he can finally get married . After English we drove to Port Durnford and spent some time talking to Bongumusa 's mother to give her a copy of the book on running a small business . Mary then gave her a copy of the Proclamation on families and told her how important families are in the church . She tried to convince her that Bongumusa should be allowed to attend the Monday evening YSA meetings so he could have a social life . Our last stop was at the Chirwas where we gave her the new lock and keys we bought yesterday so she can lock up her house and everyone could have a key . We talked to her about how Sandile 's mission application was coming . We then took the new short cut back to Esikhawini and home . There is an interesting section that I would not try if it was really wet but it cuts about 5 minutes and a K or two off the trip . In the evening I went to the RB chapel to pick up some certificates that President Nyawo really wanted for members . President VanThiel was busy teaching a Seminary lesson on being a missionary so I sat in and added a few thoughts . It was good to sit and listen to the president teach and to share the time with some of the RB members . After the class President VanThiel found out that the certificates were not there for him to sign . In the past I would have probably been unhappy about this but I guess I am learning some patience because I told him I understood and we made arrangements to get them tomorrow . This obviously counts as a tender mercy . Later I called the Mickelsens and surprised them by being the first call on their new phone . They had sent us the number earlier in the day via email . It sounds like they are settling in well and will keep busy . Early in the morning I got the car washed and had another opportunity to make a good contact with a working father who has a wife and three children . I gave him an Article of Faith card and my phone number . Maybe something will come of it . I really think that the car wash is one of the best places to meet fathers with jobs and a car . I think 80 % of the time I get into a gospel discussion with someone like that . I imagine my gray hair and name tag help a lot . They see Jesus Christ and are often immediately interested in starting a conversation . She got the hospital to give her copies of the bills and made sure they were sent to the mission to be paid . We have plenty of money in our mission account to cover them . She then went up to see the doctor and when she asked them for copies of the bill she was told Dr . Kelling had told the nurses not to bill us anything for his work . She was dumbfounded - we guess that the fact that we were Christian Missionaries touched him and he kindly gave us a gift of a few thousand dollars . We doubt if that would happen in the US - even in Provo with an LDS doctor . It is just another of the blessings we have received as missionaries . In the evening we went to dinner with the B 's . They are having a wonderful time and really needed this visit to let them kind of let go . I imagine they will always have contact with some of the people here but I would guess that the hole in sister B 's heart has started to heal . They are just plain good people . The most interesting was watching a team of game wardens tranquilize a huge rhino so they could work on a wound that he had on his back . It appeared to me to have had to have either been caused by a gunshot or in a terrible battle with another rhino . It was an interesting experience to see the men edge their way to a point where one could shoot a tranquilizer dart in the resting rhino . As soon as it was hit , it stood up and I got a good picture of the dart sticking out of its rump . It took perhaps 5 minutes for the drug to take effect and then the wardens came out to clean and take care of the wound . We left before they were finished and when we came back a couple of hours later they and the rhino were gone . It was good to see that they take care of the animals and try to keep them healthy . The second experience was watching a good size group of vultures eat a dead animal . It did not seem to be anything very large but the birds gathered around and at times fought over it . Nothing goes to waste in nature . What the vultures do not clean up the crows will and then the ants will take over . While some of the birds ate , one big vulture sat in the top of the tree watching . We were not sure if he was just a sentinel - he did not make any noise or fly away when we approached - or king of hill . We saw our share of impalas , zebras , lots of warthogs , some wildebeests , three elephants - they were mainly hidden in the bush - a couple of Cape buffalo , and a good selection of giraffes . Sister B said she did not care what we saw , she just wanted to go through the park one last time so she could take the memory home with her . They are a great couple who love to do good . Hopefully they will be able to go on another mission so they can have the experience of another country . We then went over to the doctor in hopes that we could get the results of his blood test put on his records but after a half hour of looking they could not find our file so we asked them to call when they did and we took Sandile to the taxi rink so he could head home . Just as we did of course the office called to say they found the misfiled file and so we went back . Unfortunately all the report was not back so we will have to wait a little longer to get it done . We then got a call from the PD elders saying they needed to see us and so we arranged to meet them at the mall . Elder Lerios had bright red cheeks and had almost every piece of clothing he owned . I told him I was worried about him having a fever and strongly suggested he go to the pharmacy for a free check - up . He is much too valuable to the zone to be down for a week . By the time we got home I was pretty much worn out so we had a quiet evening . I did start to work on pictures but even that seemed to take more effort than I could muster so I stopped and went to bed . It was a good day for us . A nice combination of adventure and service . Leave a reply Elder Hill got to meet and have his picture taken with the YW of Port Durnford who were having class under their usual tree . Elder Hill asked what they did if it rained and I told him they all have to meet in the one room chapel . At Enseleni brother Larry Bartholomew passed out hats while elders Dimene and Webster changed his flat tire . Soon everyone had a hat - except it seems elder Webster . We had a very nice and for the most part unplanned first part of the Sabbath . Everything started fairly normal as we picked up the Nyawos and brother Nkosi for PEC . Then things started to change as the elders were 15 minutes late getting to PEC . Then I got a call from President Baldwin saying that Elder Hill had a flat tire and would be late for Esikhawini 's sacrament meeting . Because of this , President Baldwin went directly to Port Durnford to make a change in the branch presidency . We stayed at Esikhawini for sacrament and were surprised when Elder Hill arrived about 40 minutes into the meeting . He came just in time to be the last speaker . He told how he had borrowed his son 's car to come to Esikhawini because he did not want to drive his double cab into the township . Along the N2 he drove over something and got a flat . When he went to change the tire he found that he had no jack so he did a U - turn and hoped that he could get to a town he had recently passed on what was left in the tire . However this was not to be but he found a man with a bakkie who had a jack and a spanner that would work on his lug nuts so he could change the tire . Back on the road he tried to hurry to still make the meeting and of course got pulled over for speeding . He explained his problem to the police and they let him go without a ticket - which was why he made the meeting at all . After the meeting I introduced us and asked if he would like visit Port Durnford or maybe go to Enseleni for their sacrament meeting . I told him a little about Port Durnford and he asked us to lead him there . We tried to call President Baldwin to tell him we were coming but he had his phone turned off during the meeting . We got to Port Durnford - we went on one of the sand roads - soon after President Baldwin left for Esikhawini and they were just breaking into classes . The primary was setting up under one tree , the young women under another and the RS and PH were still inside . Elder Hill said hello to each group and I elder Hill was asked to talk to the adults for a few minutes until it was time for us to leave for Enseleni . As he started that President Baldwin called and I told him where we were and we were sorry to have missed him . He was in Esikhawini to interview and call a new branch clerk . Before I went back in to the chapel I stopped and told the YW just who Elder Hill was - they did not realize he was a general authority . They made me promise to take a picture of them with him . Elder Hill gave a completely different talk to the group in Port Durnford from the one he gave in Esikhawini . He told of when he and his family were baptized in Zambia and were the members for quite some time . Now there is 3 wards and a branch in the town where they lived . He said that Port Durnford could be the same if the members have faith and live the gospel . After the meeting he kindly stood with the YW for a photo and then we left for Enseleni . The Bartholomews were at Enseleni when we got there . Khulekani and Nonhlahla were working on getting a program organized . They asked the Bs to speak and then Elder Hill . By the time brother Chiliza arrived the program was set and when enough PH finally arrived they were able to start only about 8 minutes late . When we sang the opening hymn there was hardly anyone in the audience but by the time sacrament was over there were about 50 . The Bs gave great talks about their love for the people and gave some council about being an example to others . Elder Hill gave another great talk that was perfect for the branch . He talked about tithing and then about helping each other be strong . That if they would stand shoulder to shoulder that they could be kept safe like the 2060 stripling warriors . He also told a story about how a call from his wife probably saved his life as he had fallen asleep at night on the freeway . After the meeting Elder Hill talked to many of the members . I introduced him to Khulekani and told the story of how he was able to go on a mission when it did not seem possible . When we went out to the cars Elder Hill said goodbye and headed back to Durban . The Bs had a tire that they knew was going flat and by the time the meeting was over it definitely was . But the Elders and others pitched in and soon got it replaced so they could be on their way . In the evening the Bs came over for dinner and we spent 2 delightful hours talking about our missions , the wonderful people , and how much they mean to us . I said that it did not seem like they have been gone for 6 months . It just felt natural to be with them . They mentioned that it felt different to them because they no longer could wear their name tags . They brought them with them but were not going to put them on because they were no longer missionaries . On the great news side , President Vilane was released from the hospital in Durban . They found that the medicine that the public hospital was giving him was causing most of the problems . They cleared out most of the accumulated liquids and gave him a new prescription that should solve his problem . Now if Sister Vilane can just get a job as a nurse they can have both a good income and real health care . It was a wonderful day . To see and hear the way Elder Hill was able to give just the right talk to three very different groups of members without really knowing anything about them testified to me of how the spirit leads his chosen servants . I know he was called of God by revelation to serve as an Area Authority 70 for Southwest Africa . Leave a reply The two lions puzzle was the hardest we have had here . Mary was a true champ and got it done with little help from me . I took this picture of the van because they managed to fit four seats across the back of a standard size van conversion . Those people really have to be friendly or will become friendly by the time they get out . These rooms at Khulekani 's home in Enseleni caught my eye . Notice how the window is almost identical to the one out at the Chirwas that is shown below . Only this one has had a couple of ' repairs ' done . This picture does not capture the true beauty of the white tree in Khulekani 's yard . Notice how part of it still has the green leaves while the rest if covered with small white flowers . Over the rooms above is a large naartjes tree . The fruit when it ripens is almost identical to what we know as tangerines and is just as tasty . Mary finished this puzzle last night . It is by far the hardest puzzle we have bought . I was almost no help except for dividing out colors and even there I did not do much . Mary said that the only way she could do most of it was to look at the shape of the pieces because the colors changed so quickly and were so close to being the same it was almost impossible to know what color the next piece would be . When I got up this morning I noticed for the first time that there was a coolness in the air . Winter continues to slide over Richards Bay . The second surprise of the morning was that the internet was down . If it does not come up soon , I will call and see what can be done . We got an early call saying that our Saturday appointment to teach had been cancelled so we decided instead to go to Enseleni where Mary would teach piano to Mbali and I would go around with Khulekani and put some more member 's homes on the map for the new couple . Before we left I took some pictures of where Khulekani lives to show how it is not where you live but how you live that is important . We managed to visit five homes before going back to get Mary at the Seokas . While Mary was teaching piano , the Relief Society sisters started coming to have a meeting . There was a problem with one of the sisters not getting a ride so I went and picked her up . She was very important for the meeting because she was giving the demonstration . Mary had four of her five students show up - she has not had all five come on the same day for a long time . By the time she was done we needed to leave to hook up with the Barts and the Griesmers for dinner . We decided to eat at Mugg and Bean which was a good choice because it was quiet so there was no hurry to stop talking . We spent the better part of two hours talking about our missions , the people and why more couples did not go on missions . I was encouraged when elder Griesmer said that he was over 73 when they came out . If we stay home for a year before going again , that is how old I will be when we leave . Leave a reply As we were getting in the car we noticed that a row of dark clouds accented by the soft sunrise looked like a row of trees or mountains behind the actual tree line . Later at the Chirwa 's homestead I took this picture of a neighbor 's group of houses somewhat shrouded by the morning fog . The morning was perfect , soft and cool and very quiet . We will miss this beauty when we leave South Africa . I noticed the contrast between the traditional round house with the thatched roof and the modern concrete toilet that is provided each homestead no matter how rural . The rising sun pulled out the details of the construction of the main house . Notice how almost anything is used as fill . I also noticed one of the windows and its simple details . It was probably used when it was installed in the house . We were up very early because we had to be out in Port Durnford by 7 : 00 to pick up Sandile Chirwa so he could have his medical and dental exams for his mission application . As we drove there , there were pockets of fog hanging over the land . Sometimes it was quite thick but it never went on for long . It was a gorgeous morning - cool and calm and clear . Sandile came through his physical and dental exams with flying colors . Between them we went to the mall and had his passport pictures taken . We now know what needs to be done and this will save some time . We talked to the Port Durnford elders and they are going to help him get his application in for a police clearance . We also need to get him started towards a passport . While we were doing this , the Bs picked up president and sister Vilane and took them to the doctor . We stopped in to give them some things and found president Vilane even weaker than he was yesterday . Later they called to say that the doctor said that it seems the valve they put in his heart a couple of years ago is not working properly and that if it is not fixed he would die . The Bs took him and sister Vilane to the hospital in Durban where he had the original operation and somehow talked them into admitting him so the surgeon who did the operation could see him . They think that he will be transferred to a government hospital and be operated on . I believe the Bs were prompted to come so that they could save this humble man 's life . We did not have time to do this and I doubt if I could have got him into that hospital in Durban . They really are special people with very large hearts . After dropping Sandile at the taxi rink with money to get some lunch and transport home , we came back to our boarding so Martin could get the opener back on . This time everything worked perfectly . It will be nice to not have to struggle with opening the doors manually . During the morning we found out that the library in Enseleni wanted to cancel our Sunday services because some political group wanted to have a luncheon . We decided to see if we could not at least have the room until 1 : 00 so we could hold sacrament meeting . When I talked to man who seemed to be in charge , he said that he thought that would be OK since they were going to be at the sport complex until 1 : 30 or 2 : 00 . Later he called and said that would be fine as long as we were completely out no later than 1 : 30 . We then drove to Esikhawini for Youth . Because the problem of the library was solved so quickly , we got to the chapel early . After talking to Sister Mathe - she was of course working on one of her many garden plots - we went to visit Sister Tembe and deliver some books we have been carrying around for a few weeks . She is a lovely lady and really has great faith in the Lord . I got to make three trips to while Mary stayed and gave encouragement . First I went to see president Nyawo at his house and told him he really needed to call president Baldwin . They had not been able to contact each other because president Nyawo 's new phone had stopped working . Then I took Solo Mthalane to his PO Box to see if an important letter from the area office about his mission had arrived and it had not . So we called the area office and found they had mailed it to his street address and they do not deliver to homes here . Solo gave him the PO Box number and hopefully it will arrive early next week . My third trip was to the mall to get some window cleaner . The windows were a mess and they only had about an inch left in their bottle . I think I must have put on 30Ks and never left J section . By the time we got home it was growing dark . How nice it was to just push a button and see the garage door go up . I pretty much walked into the house and immediately laid down for a nap . It seemed like I had been running all day . But it is good to be tired from doing service in the Kingdom . |
Well I kicked ass on getting the house cleaned up . Actually I made the children help so it went really quick . Then I lost of my energy . I have done nothing but sit on the sofa for the last few hours . I never just sit and do nothing . I have no energy . I blame starbucks . I am giving up my daily starbucks , in hopes of cutting my calories . Now I have no energy . Amber is at the beach and when she is done with that she is going to go spend the night at a girlfriends house . Rusty is not happy about this since she does not have a job . I think we should just leave her alone and let her fall on her face . Sometimes that is the best way to learn . OH , I have to be up early tomorrow . One of our friends is coming in . He will be here for something like a week . It will be nice to see him again . I just love it when the marines come back for a visit ! Maybe we will hit the beach one day . Are parents allowed to be envious of their children ? I wish I would have had the opportunities that Nikki has . I wish I could travel the world and not have a care in the world . A bunch of the marines are going up to magic mountain on Saturday ! I am so happy that they are getting out and doing stuff . I know they will have a blast ! I will have Amber take a picture of me with straight hair . It does look a little funny to me . Growing up my mom would keep my hair short and I always looked like bozo . I use to want straight hair , but it was not until a few years ago that I got brave enough to straighten it . Anyway , now I love my curls because people pay to have hair like mine ! I am not sure if I have ever mentioned this before or not , but I am double jointed in hips . Now trust me when I say that Rusty LOVES that . However he does not hearing the words " hey baby now that we are done will you please come help put my hip 's back in " Well for some reason my hips were really hurting me . I went to bed thinking I might get to sleep before midnight . Rusty and I ended having sex . I said " be careful my hips are really hurting me " . So we get done and I was like get off my legs are going to shoot off my body . Then rusty rolls over and groans as he lands on his bed . Oh my gosh we just had old people sex ! Over the weekend Hailey ( one of the marines ) and I were coming home from somewhere . When a man with no shoes crossed the street in front of us . Hailey said turn around I want to give him my shoes . So I turned around . The man would not take the shoes because he said that he had some , but just did not feel like wearing them . He said that he was just starting his rounds on collecting bottles and cans . Neither Hailey or I had an money on us . So I said come on . Lets clean out the car . We gave the man two bags of bottles and cans . It is little moments like this that I love sharing with the marines . Well dinner is in the oven cooking . We are having shake and bake ( generic ) chicken , scalloped potatoes , and green beans for dinner . I think everyone will be happy with that . Amber is very upset because she can 't find a job . I know that she will find one , and I am just encouraging her to go out there and to keep looking . Amber is finding out how much it sucks to have bills and no job . Over the weekend I straightened my hair . Rusty said that he loved it . I said " I thought you liked my curls more " he said that he does but now that my hair is straight he can actually run his fingers through it ! The marines were really shocked to see me with straight hair . One of them said that they were shocked at just how long my hair actually is . Today I took back three out of the four kittens . The fourth one we are keeping , but she is not big enough to get fixed yet . So now she is walking around crying , and looking for her litter mates . Poor little girl ! I was asked to go to something called Jane Wayne Day . There is where is wives get to go and play marine for a day . I was asked to attend the Jane Wayne Day at the Marine Recruit Depot San Diego . I never in a million years thought that I would be doing what recruits do ! I did it and I had a blast . I must say that banging my body to hell was fun . Some of the stuff was a challenge at first , but I did everything . I was looking at the pictures and wondering where that lady is . my arms were so toned and I even had a six pack ! I so want her back . I guess tomorrow I will get back to doing what I use to do . I use to walk two miles a day . I would swim 1 mile every other day and then I would have never let a potato chip touch my lips . On another subject . I two sick marines here over the weekend . Beth is still having some problems with her eyes . I will be taking her back to the doctor tomorrow . Then another marine had 4 teeth cut out ! Can you say ouch ! Next weekend is a work weekend . The guys are going to rebuild a Jacuzzi ! LOL I cant wait to this . Then I know two of the marines are going to want to party . One will be turning 21 and one is suppose to be getting out , but he is on a medical hold . Photobucket sucks tonight ! It cut my head off in one of the slide shows ! Shhh , you can come on in , just be very quiet . Our friend Beth ( another marine ) had eye surgery yesterday , so she is recovering here . Poor girl , she was in a lot of pain until her pain pills kick in . Now she rest with some frozen vegi 's on her eyes . Amber and her boyfriend Sam were in a car accident yesterday . Sam was driving is dads car so there was no damage to our daughter or our car . Amber has a bruised elbow and that is it . Sam however would not speak to Amber last night . He just kept saying " I could have killed you " . I told Amber to give him time and to not take it personally . Sam will speak her again . I think he was in shock last night . Nikki called today and she said " mom I saw so many dragonfly 's yesterday and I was thinking about you . Are you o . k . ? " ( I love dragonfly 's ) I told her that I was fine and that I was thinking of her yesterday . I so miss her . I guess that will never change . I should be use to her being gone but I am not . I can 't say well just stay at home so I won 't miss you . So I will miss her when she 's gone and love her to death when she is here . I started filling out Nikkis school form for this year . Rusty and were talking about what we are going to do with Nikki over the next few years . Nikki will 19 while still a senior in high school . I us to home school the children and when I went to enroll them in school they thought that she would be " behind " because she was home schooled . idiots ! I am thinking about pulling Nikki from school and letting her take all of her classes on line through BYU . This way she can get both high school and college credit for the classes and she wont have to take the other crap that will not help her at all . The only thing is she has to be 16 before we can start BYU . Nikki wants me to pull her from school right now ! Yesterday was so strange for me . As soon as Rusty walked in we could not keep our hands off of each other . It was just one of days when we both wanted to be very close to each . What can I say ? My husband still turns me on ! I went to pick up one of Ambers girlfriend . I am sitting at a stop light trying to light a smoke and talk on the phone when the light turns green . I happen to look in the rear view mirror and saw a cop . I so hung up the phone and watched my speed . I get to the friends house and five cop cars go flying past us . So we decided that it would be a good idea to follow them and see what they are up to . Once the cops turned onto the dead end street we stopped , and just watched them raid a house ! Then I came home and decided that we needed to go to the lake . I called a neighbor down the street to see if her daughters wanted to go . One of her daughters has c . p . , so I know she does not get invited to go out very often . It was so nice to just float in the lake . It has been a while since I took a break , and did something for myself . Then we came back home and I was able to finish up some quilts that I had been working on . As you can see the kittens were so willing to help me ! I had enough scraps that I even made a little girl baby quilt . I do not know anyone who is having a girl , but I will be ready if they do ! Amber , Sam , and Jessica ( Ambers friend ) decided that they wanted to go to coldstone and get some ice cream . The only thing is they had no money ! So they scrounged for all the money they could find . Then Jessica grabs a cup and walks up to some of the marines and asks for donations . One of the marines pulled out a jack daniels bottle full of change . I told them that if they went and paid for their ice cream with they money from the jar that I would give each of them $ 3 . Then I added that they had to have pictures ! They did it . Isent this dog just awesome looking ? I have always wanted one of these dogs . I once worked for a lady that showed these dogs and she use to wash them in Nexus ! Anyway , what I did to earn that ticket . Jakes mom and sister were coming into town . So I told Jake to borrow one of our cars because it would be cheaper then him renting a car . However the car that had the base sticker on it had expired tags . So we switched the plates and I told Jake that if he got caught that I did not know him ! Jake returned the car to me and I had asked Jake to switch the plates on the car . Well he did , but I for got that he did . So I asked Ambers boyfriend Sam to switch the plates around and he did . I had to run Amber to work . So I grabbed my keys . I figured I was only going a few blocks so I would not need my purse . As I was dropping Amber off someone called me and asked me to pick up their stuff for Ambers yard sale . O . K . I take one of the back roads down by the lake . That way it will be quicker . That was when I got pulled over for going 5 miles over the speed limit . Then he asked to see my licence . I did not have it . I was then asked for proof of insurance and registration . I gave him those items . 1 . On Friday night I usually make something that can feed mass amounts of people and feed them very cheaply . Such as chili and bread . The marines are responsible for dinner on Saturday night . The usually all pitch in and someone will go buy some steaks and chicken or whatever . Then Sunday morning breakfast is usually egg 's , any left over steak , toast and if we have any hash browns . 4 . The girls are given $ 200 at the start of the school year and they must buy everything they need for school . The only thing I buy is school supplies and bra 's . This has really helped the girls learn how to budget the money . Both of the girls are still using the same back pack 's that they bought 3 years ago . They have also discovered that payless shoes work just as well as the expensive shoes . As for Ryan . I just buy him clothes as they are needed . Boy 's clothes are so hard to find at yard sales and thrift stores ! That is about all I can think of . I am just all around cheap . Because I am cheap we have been able to pay off all of our cars . We own 3 of them . I have been able to buy the jumbo washer and dryer . I am just cheap and I save all of my money . Today my goal is to finish all the laundry and to get our bedroom scrubbed down . I also have a lot of stuff to put up in the rafters . ICK . I hate getting up there . Dustin stopped by last night . He was bring me some stuff from another marine . The stuff was suppose to be for Ambers yard sale , but man one of the tables that he brought I think I am going to keep . It has a marble top on it ! Shit I could sell just the marble and make a small fortune . Dustin was laughing when he got here . It was only 9 p . m . and I told him to be quiet when he came in . Everyone was in bed already . He just so shocked that our house was that quiet . During the week we are really dull people . The marine that was sick is not doing much better . She keeps going to b . a . s . but they won 't let her see a doctor . I finally told her that they cannot refuse her that right . The marine does not want to cause waves , but I am about to cause some . Some of these Navy guys get on power trips and think that they control the marines . Then there is the picture of me sitting in my dream tub . Every time I go to the home depot I sit in this tub . May some day I will get it . Not to be out done , our dog Rascle loves to lay in the sun . However she is not a common animal . I don 't think she even knows that she is a d - o - g ! So she has to lay on a lawn chair . I found out today that one of my dear friends is coming back from Iowa . Sonja so hates Iowa and is ready to give up her post and risk never being promoted again just so she can get out of Iowa . Anyway , Sonja will be in town for a week and I can 't wait to see her . I told Sonja that I would bring the pink the Champaign and that we would go down and sit on the dock and just catch up . Sonja is the mom of triplets . I so miss them . I asked her to bring them back with her so that I could see them . Sometimes having military friends sucks ! The damn military moves everyone around and I always end up missing our friends . I got my fine in the mail today . A few months ago I got a ticket and the officer had to stop writing because he ran out of room , well I now know how mush I owe . Drum roll please . The amount is $ 430 ! Now I just have to find the right time to tell Rusty . I have been taking some skin , hair and nail vitamins and boy do they work ! y finger nails are getting so long that some of them have actually started curling under ! I can 't tell if my hair is getting longer . O . K . I should go get some dinner ready for Rusty . Tonight he is going to have steak , baked potatoes and a vegetable . I am going to have a salad . Amber helped me clean up the house . I have just about got all of the laundry done , and Rusty came home from work early . To top it off he even cooked dinner ! Amber and I were watching Oprah today we she started laughing . I looked over at her and asked why she was laughing so much . Amber said that while she was visiting her sperm donors mother she was asked if I still feed her raw vegi 's . My ex 's family thought I was a whack job because I would not feed my children any processed food . Amber just said " well I guess that is why I do not have a weight problem " . I guess so . I sat down today and did some sewing . I am still making blankets for the animals at the shelter . Once Rusty gets paid I need to go buy a ton a material . One of the marines has a birthday next month , and we are going to be going to 29 palm where another marine is . Then Ambers Sam has a birthday ! I am going to try like hell to get all of them done . If you don 't hear from for a few days please send in a rescue crew . I think I am going to send my evening swing on the front porch . Or maybe I will just go lay in the hammock . Whatever I decide I know that I am going to chill for the rest of the night . Tomorrow Amber has to go take her driving test . I so hope that she passes it . It would make my life so much easier . I will no longer have to drive her to work and then go pick her up . I did have to remind Amber that she will not be driving to school since we live three blocks from the school . I also had to remind her that the car is still ours until we give her the title . I think I am going to take the kittens back on Monday . One of the kittens will have to stay for a few more weeks since she is not big enough yet . Rusty asked if we could go for a few weeks with out fostering any kittens . Rusty said " I just want a calm house with no one under foot " I laughed and asked him when the last time he had that was . After a long silence he said before he had children ! I say we sell the children and keep the cats ! Rusty did agree to that one . I am married to Rusty . Rusty took me in when I showed up on his door step homeless with two children . I had just ran from an abusive man . Rusty opened the door for me . Rusty and I lived together for years before we got married . I send my children on trips around the world , not to get them out of my house , but because they need to go . Children need to know that there is more to this world then the little town where they have grown up . Children need to learn the meaning on " seize the day " . Opportunity only knocks once so they better take the opportunity while they can . Why do I let my house be a crash pad for marines ? That is an easy one . I provide these marines a safe place to come . A place where they can come and talk about the horrors of war and not be judged . A place where we can all sit down and eat as a family . A place where everyone is equal and is important . What people do not see is me crying and driving like a mad women when a marine is sick . Or when a marine say 's " mom lets go for a drive , I need to talk " . Rusty and I try very hard to share our experiences with the marines in hopes that they will learn from them . We give advice even when they do not want to hear it . Such as you better get your finances in order or do you want help making a budget . Nikki got off to San Francisco o . k . and she was just so excited . I am excited for her . I am glad that Nikki is taking all the opportunities that life is giving her . On a little sad note . One of our marines was very sick today . We could not get her to wake up . I had one marine grab her and put her in the car . Some of the other marines were in charge of opening all the doors and holding onto the dogs . When we got to Navel Hospital everyone there thought that she was in a diabetic coma . This marine was so sick that not only could she not wake up , but her blood pressure went up 20 points when they made her stand up . Then they went to start and I . V . and her veins collapsed . Once everything was said and done , she had a very bad case of dehydration . Once they finally got some fluids in she felt much better . She has the start of some lung problems so they put her on meds . While I was on the road to the hospital I called Rusty and left him a message and told him what was going on . Rusty called me back a few minutes later and said " call me if anything happens . I will be there in a moments notice and give her a hug and a kiss for me . " The last few weeks have been stressful for Rusty and I . Yes , I know that my journal has not been that up beat . This is life and not everyday is a bed of roses . However I will take the thorns as long as I can smell the roses . One day I was sitting on the porch with Jolyn . Jolyn is Jakes mom . Anyway , Danny comes out of the house and goes and gets on the tractor . I looked over at Jolyn and said I want to ride on the tractor . I have never been on a tractor before . Jolyn just looked at me and said " you are kidding me right ? " Then Jolyn realized that I was not kidding so I got to ride on a tractor for the first time in my life ! I wanted to ride in the bucket , but Danny said no because I was not a guy ! Now that is a double standard ! LOL 3 . I am not allowed to have an opinion on anything unless it matches other peoples . If it does not match then I must keep my mouth shut . I think I am going to squeeze in some time to go work on my tan . My tan is not looking that good this year . Yes I know I will skin cancer but everyone has to die of something . I am glad to have all of the children home . I am telling you guys that they were not home for 20 minutes before they were all gone again . Nikki is leaving on Saturday to go up to San Francisco . Man I wish I was going on that trip . I want to walk the golden gate bridge , I want to see Alcatraz , and I so want to hug a redwood tree . Maybe another time I will be able to do that . OH about the pictures . There are two of me on the tractor . One is of the sun flowers that have finally bloomed . The other yellow flowers are my stolen flowers , and then there is a picture of my first pumpkin ! The girls brought back some pictures of my father and I . One was of me when I was about 3 days old and I was sleeping on my dads chest . For once I did not cry when I saw his picture . I actually felt numb . This August will be one year since my dad has passed away . Amber said that everyone wants to come out for her graduation . I just sat the breakfast bar banging my head on it . I so do not want to have my " family " here . Lets face it you treat me like shit and tell me that I am worth nothing and now you want to come out here ? All I could say was I hope they book a hotel room way in advance . Amber did say that she does not want my sister and her hell child out here . I do not blame her . This is Ambers day and hell child would just steal it from her . So will some buy my a tractor ? Rusty said that I could not have one . Jolyn and I laughed because she could just see me driving it to Starbucks ! Hell yes I would . On our ever so long trip home I started to braid my hair in those super tiny braids . I looked so funny , but when you are bored you will do anything to keep yourself entertained . So last night I had to take all of those braids out . One of the marines said mom that is going to take you forever . Rusty said well it took her 600 miles to put them in ! So if you ever need to kill some time just do your hair . I got home from picking up the children and looked around and noticed an odor . I just spent the last two hours trying to clean part of the house . Their was pet waste all over the floor . Wet cat prints on the table , dog waste stuck to the carpet . Well it turns out that I am going to Eastern Fr * * * * * * Oregon in the morning . I am not happy or excited about this trip , however I am going to try to put on happy face . I am doing this for Rusty , and for no other reason . I got up this morning and walked around the house . Yep . I still needed to clean the kitchen and do yet more laundry . Yep . It is still here . So what did I do ? I called a friend and we went to the beach ! I had such a blast just walking on the beach and chatting with my girl friend . I must say that my tan in looking good ! I got home and guess what ? The dishes were still waiting for me . . . . so was the laundry , but it can wait until tomorrow . Spending time with my friend is more important to me . When I got home I also found out that one of the kittens had clawed a hole in a screen and was gone . I spent a few hours looking for the kitten . A couple down the street finally asked what I was looking for and and they had found the kitten . I was so happy to see the kitten . I know it was the right thing to do . However that does not mean that I will not miss her . I just stood there and cried . Rusty just hugged me and then took me out to lunch . Today we cleaned out Ryan room . It still amazes me how this child can break so many toys and the strange thing is . . . . he does not even play with 90 % of his stuff . So the stuff that was broke got pitched and the rest was put in the garage so that we can put it out in the next yard sale . Then we moved on to cleaning out the fridge . We are gross people ! We took everything out of the fridge and then pulled all of the shelves . Note to self : clean the fridge out more often . I was just getting ready to save this entry when I got attacked by some kittens . They just brought me out of my funk . The kittens still need me , so I need to go take care of them . First we passed this NASA place and I asked if we could take a detour and go there . Rusty told me no because they do not allow people to just walk in there . SO I suggested that we just stop by and get a picture of it . I got a dirty look . So I said " well you have been threatening to send me to the moon for years , so here is your chance . " Rusty said " Don 't tempt me ! " We did not stop . We finally get to the library and it was really cool . This was the first time I have ever been to a presidential library . Kevin called me and said " Hey mom what are you doing ? " I said " I am getting ready to tour air force one " . i could just hear Kevin 's jaw hit the ground . " He just said that he did not want to know . " ! Why is it that they boys never ask anymore ? There is a picture of me standing by an actual piece of the Berlin wall . We are not suppose to be that close to it , but I told Rusty that I wanted a picture with it . " So Rusty said well give me the camera , you are going to jump the bushes anyway , so I might as well get a picture of it " . Rusty is learning to just go with my crazy ideas . So tomorrow is cleaning day . Rusty said that he would help if we could clean in the nude . So tomorrow is nude cleaning day for us ! Don 't worry I will not post pictures of that . Last night Rusty and I went out to dinner . Just the two of us . We covered a lot of topics that have seem to have been left a lone . One of them was the trip to Oregon . Rusty wanted us to go up there and spend a few days . I told Rusty that I had no desire to go . So last night we talked a little bit more about it . Not only do I not want to go , but who is going to be here to care for the animals ? I guess that was just over looked in the planning . Then we talked about money . Always a touchy subject . We are doing o . k . , but I want more . Does that sound bad ? So we are looking for something different . Something under the table . If I go to work then that will boost us into a higher tax bracket . Oh the joys of my life . One of the other things that we talked about was having one of our cats put down . Mrs . Cleo is older then dirt and she is not doing well . It is the right thing to do , but it is also a hard thing to do . I started thinking about a conversation that I had with my dad . I once asked my dad what Germany was like and what he did while he was stationed was over there . My dad told me stories of hitch hiking across Germany and of all the castles that he had seen . My dad had some great stories . The marines at our house had not seen much of California . Now don 't get me wrong , California is not as exciting as Germany . But I wondered what they say if there children or grand children ever asked them about California . They have only seen base and our house . That is when I came up with this field trip . Saturday we went down to Point Loma , Coronado Island , and then down to old town San Diego . Point Loma has two light houses and and an awesome view of San Diego harbor . Then if you drive down the road a little bit you come to the cliffs . The cliffs are great . A bunch of us hiked down there and we had a blast watching the waves come in and let me tell you our cameras did not stop ! I got soaked by a huge wave , but it was so worth it . None of us could stop laughing and smiling . One of the girls even said " this is what California looks like in the movies " . next we all headed to old town San Diego for some lunch / dinner . It was so nice to see everyone sitting around laughing and just enjoying themselves . I leaned over to Rusty and said " you know most of these guys work together and yet they are sitting here having a good time . I wonder if this what the command is trying to accomplish by making them have a " mandatory fun day " . Rusty just smiled . He said " I am so glad that everyone is having a blast " We did however have to pick on Dustin . He is from a small town and grew up eating meat and potatoes . There is nothing wrong with that , but we all went out for Mexican and he got a hamburger ! So now we call him burger boy . Our next stop was Coronado Island . We had a hard time finding parking but we did have a nice walk on the beach . A group on us went down to the water . that was when we noticed that there were several wedding going on . So I told George that if she asked one of the brides if we could crash her wedding that I would give her a dollar . She went up to every bride and asked them ! Talk about wedding crashers ! Then we kept walking to the Hotel del Coronado . Along the way we noticed that the signs on the beach said no nudity . So George got up on another marines shoulders and changed the signs to say " mo nudity " . Once we got to the Hotel del Coronado we decided to give our self a grand tour . The sign that said only registered guest on beyond this point did not apply to us . That hotel was so much fun to walk around ! In one of the pictures you can see how low the ceilings are . I have some how hurt my back again . Maybe it was yesterday or maybe it was this morning . I do not know , but man it hurts . I am going to take some pain pills and go to bed . Today everyone packed up and is out on the lake right now . I do not mind that everyone is gone . I must admit that it is nice to have the house to myself . However I am ticked off that everyone left and that nothing has gotten cleaned up . I guess I am suppose to do that ? The children called me yesterday to tell me that Nikki is doing good on her medicine . I am happy to hear that . The also called to tell that on the back from the airport they stopped and picked up hell child . Just so everyone has a clear picture . . . . . My mom did not even spend 24 hours with my children before she went out got hell child . That does piss me off . I do not know why it does . It does not surprise me . I should be use to my children being treated as second class citizens . Rusty and I are having a very stressful time in our relationship right now . There is a lot going on , but nothing I can put my finger on . I am just sick of the stress . My girlfriend Lisa stopped by this morning and told me that she was going to buy dinner for everyone . I just laughed and said " you can 't afford to feed all of us " . Then Lisa got a phone call that her grandfather had fallen into a coma . They were going to have hospice come in , but now . . . . Well before she left to go be with her grandfather she gave $ 100 and told me to go buy everything that I would need to feed the marines . Lisa is such a nice person . Yesterday was not a good day . We went to launch our friends boat and the battery was dead , no big deal . We all just hung out at the lake and floated around . We all decided to go down to the vfw because they were serving burgers and dogs . Then when I told Rusty that I was ready to leave he just gave me a look that let me knew that he was not . I had to much shit to do and I could not be waiting on him , so I just took Jake 's truck and came home . So , Ryan , Rusty , Jake and I went to watch fire works . That is when Jake and Rusty started jumping and twitching . It was just so much fun to watch these guys cover their heads and shake . We will not be watching fire works next year . PTSD sucks . When Rusty had his heart attack they told me everything that I would need to do to take care of him . They never told me how to care for myself . What I mean by that is they never told me how to handle his depression and other things like that . Now I am looking PTSD in the face and once again I am looking the unknown in the face . How am I suppose to handle this ? Once again I feel like I am on my own . Today my goal is to clean something in this house . I am about to scream because this house is trashed . Oh wait it is o . k . if my house is trashed . These are the good old days . One day when my children are grown and out of the house I might find the time to care . Until then I am going to just go on and enjoy my life . On to the pictures above . There is one of Hailey with her quilt . The black kitten is the one that Rusty said I could keep . The big cat is our original cat . Yes he is a big boy . So I found out earlier today that my dishwasher gave up . What ? It cannot give up , I have 20 people in my house for the weekend . I suggested that we pull it out and try to fix it . Rusty suggested that we just go buy another one . I am cheap I will keep looking , there is no way I am going to pay a lot for a new dish washer . Today I had to go get Ryan an i . d . card . The last time I went to base and got Ryan an i . d . card they let me sign his name to it . This time they told me that I could not do it . So I asked the guy if Ryan could put and x on the signature line . They told me no . So where the signature is suppose to be they put Incapable ! What is that about ? So tonight I am going to do nothing . I am going to just hang out with everyone . Rusty wants to take the boat out tomorrow . I am thinking that would be a bad idea . The lake is going to be packed and unless we get there by 6 : 30 there is no way we are going to be able to launch the boat . Oh I should say that the boat is not ours . It belongs to house guest from hell . He is not here , but we have his boat . Rusty and I briefly talked about our " vacation " . He had nothing to say when I told him that I did not want to go . I must admit that the last few weeks Rusty has just made me feel like shit . I know that he does not mean to do it , but he has . Why will he drive all the way to Oregon for a friend , but can 't take me on a real vacation ? Why is it that he went to the bar with Jake when he has not spent anytime with me this week . Why am I the one being left behind while he is out having a good time . This just sucks . My former mother in law called me today and asked me if I had changed my mind about letting the girls see her . It seems that my mom called and asked my former mother in law to drive out there and spend time with the children while they are at a museum . I told my former mother in law that I had nothing to do with that . It does not surprise me that my mom would say one thing and then change her mind at the last minute . I am so sick of not being able to trust my mother to keep her word . I am just glad that this will be the last year that the children will be going out there . From now on if she wants to see the children she will have to come out here . Last year when everyone was on my last nerve I grabbed my lawn chair , a notebook , and some money and headed over the mountain to a place called San Juan capistrono . It is a nice little place with some cute shops . I had a blast just walking around and looking at everything . I ate lunch at a little cafe and then I went and sat on the beach . I took my notebook with me so that I could just right random thoughts down as they came to me . I turned off my cell phone and spoke to no one . It was such a nice day . I think I need that again . I would like to say a big thank you to everyone who gave me this award . I must say that we are all rockin ! I am so glad that there are so many of us that have the courage to share all the details of our lives . Louise lives in the UK with her hubby and children . Louise may think that her life is dull , but I do not . Louise is also the one who offered to meet Amber when she goes to London . Please stop by and say hello to her , http : / / journals . aol . co . uk / louiseb411 / life - as - it - is / Heather has a private journal , so I will not post her link . Heather is doing a very good job of navigating life as a single mom who is about to be married . Like me Heather has a son with some of the issues that I have with Ryan . I can so relate on that issue . Rusty and I went to Nikki 's prescription filled . While that was being done Rusty and I went to get some breakfast . I had told rusty what my mom had said . I said " Well my mom must be happy to be able to get her chosen child ready for her second wedding . It must be nice , I wonder what it is like to have wedding , have your dad walk you down aisle and . . . " Rusty said " Please put your claws away before you scratch me . " When someone was going to the store I had them pick up some papaya and mango . One of the marines said that he had never even seen those fruits , much less ate them . I guess they don 't grow well in Ind . So , I made him sit down and I cut the fruit up . Dustin said that the mango was like nothing he had ever tasted before , and he did notlike the papaya . That 's o . k . I just wanted him to try it . Thursday nikki took her Malaria pill . They have to take them just incase . Nikki did not feel good Thursday , but the pills always make her feel bad . Friday Nikki went to a pool party and she called me and said " mom I need to go to the hospital " . That is so not like Nikki . Earlier in the week my girlfriend had borrowed my car , so I did not have a car . I got my stuff together . Amber was out with Sam , so I called her and told her to come , so that she could stay with Ryan . I was headed out the door to borrow another neighbors car , when Chris walked in and asked me what was going on . I told him and he threw me the keys to his car . I get to the hospital and the e . r . is packed . They did a complete lab and urine test on her . Nothing came up . No malaria , no nothing . They did however give us some stuff to stop her from vomiting . On a good note , Kevin knew I was having a bad weekend so we went and bought the frame for my hammock ! Yes , I an finally use my hammock . That will have to wait until tomorrow . I am a stay at home mom . I am also married to a veteran and he is the love of my life . I keep it real here and I hold nothing back . My life is a roller coaster ride , so strap on your seatbelt . . . . here we go ! |
Posted on August 21 , 2015 by Jana Reply We were incredibly busy people this spring , and we have a tendency to put off packing until the last minute . This creates an incredible amount of stress for me , and I really need to stop doing it . I had planned for us to pack 4 days before we left , but it ended up being done the night before and the morning of … again . We were in the shoulder season - that time when it 's not really winter , but its not entirely warm yet either . This makes packing for a trip where gear space is limited is extra challenging . I bought a new 0 degree topquilt for the occasion . We 've been using lighter topquilts plus sleeping bags for our winter car camping trips , and that just wasn 't going to be an option this time around . Still , I didn 't account for the extra space a heavier quilt would take up and my 50l backpack was barely going to manage to hold everything I 'd need for the weekend . Fortunately , we made it fit and weighed our packs with food and water included . Mine was 35 pounds and Arbor 's was 40 . While mine was a lot better than the 45 pounds I carried on the River to River trail , I was packing for one night out - not multiple nights ! Arbor made the best improvement from his 55 pounds down to 40 . Still , we need to work a lot harder to get pack weight down because its just not near as much fun to hike with such a heavy load . We drove out to Forest Glen and met up with 10 other hikers from the Corn Desert and Adventure Group . 3 of them decided to just make the trip a day hike , as the event was taking place over Easter weekend . We chatted and caught up with folks as everyone got suited up for the trail . I know we weren 't alone in wearing a pack for the first time in the season . It felt good to put it on , but I knew that sensation would pass as the day progressed . That initial bridge was sketchy enough the last time we crossed it with the Hopeful Hikers , but with another 35 pounds on my back , it was especially concerning . Everyone made it across and we breathed a collective sigh of relief . We started the day at 40 degrees , and it was too cold for the frogs to be out . It 's a shame because they really add something to the atmosphere . Still , it was warm enough that I was questioning my decision to wear my gortex hiking boots as I was starting to sweat in my wool socks . After enough unavoidably wet and mucky water crossings , I knew I had made the right call . Normally I would be ok getting my trail runners wet , but it was still cool enough that wet feet would have been a serious problem for me . As wonderful as the hike was , I was feeling every ounce of those 35 pounds . My shoulders ached and I was developing bruises where my hip belt sat . I was starting to recall why we only hiked 8 miles a day on the River to River trail . We had taken an early break for snacks , but I was feeling ok then . By the time we hit 5 miles , I really needed just to sit down in my chair and rest my back . As much as my shoulders and hips bother me , what really forces me to stop is my mid - back . It starts to burn and develop shooting pains that are impossible to ignore . Even blisters are better . Most of the group hiked on ahead , but a small band of us stopped and rested for 15 minutes . It was everything that I needed , and I was able to tackle the final stretch . It was even better when Kris found a camera on the ground near a bridge crossing that turned out to belong to a member of our faster group . I don 't know that anyone would have noticed if we had all pushed on together . We got to camp and blissfully took off our packs and sat down to rest for a bit . There was some regular hiker banter with the group and then we set off to set up our hammocks . With that out of the way , we came back together and ate dinner and made a fire where we spent the next few hours enjoying each others company . As we crawled into our hammocks , I went to sleep with my hot water bottle and the sound of coyotes howling in the near distance . I slept amazingly well . My hammock was pitched at the perfect angle , my quilts were gloriously warm and I was ready to sleep the morning away . I heard movement outside and knew I needed to get up and join the living . I was in no hurry to pack up and go , so I sat around and drank my coffee and ate my breakfast while people came and went from the main gathering spot . Kris was the last to get up , so he was my barometer for action . The faster group decided to hit the trail early , but I was enjoying my pace and we hung back for a while knowing that our hike out would be more relaxed as well . It was nice to have a smaller group to hike with as well as its a change in dynamic from the day before . I like both experiences , and enjoy them on the same trip is a real treat . I was carrying a lot less water and food this time around , and my pack felt terrific . I had adjusted it differently too , and I ultimately felt stronger and incredibly happier for the remainder of the hike . After weighing it when we got home , it came out to 28 pounds . That 's my new goal for the future , because it completely changed the entire trekking experience for me . You hear it in theory , but to feel it one day after the next like that is a real revelation . We made our way out of the hills , and back into the flat section of the park and I felt triumphant . First backpacking challenge of 2015 accomplished ! Then it was back to chatting while walking and enjoying the surroundings . We passed the frog pond and listened to their wonderful chorus , and saw what we think was a badger skull and spine on the path . It 's always a surprise out there . In spite of being able to sleep in , we woke up at 5 : 30 per usual . We putzed around on the internet for a bit , then got dressed to putz on the internet outside on the gorgeous porch overlooking the river . The weather couldn 't have been more perfect , warm without being hot and a light breeze off the water . There was hot coffee available and we enjoyed it outside while we caught up with all the events that had been published on Facebook over the last month or so . Bertis was there and we chatted a bit before he went to mow the lawn . We checked out the gazebo on the property and just did our very best to relax and enjoy this day in between hiking and heading back to the world . We got called in to breakfast and were treated to the most wonderful spread . I think I have fallen in love with biscuits . Arbor tells me that it 's because the last few places we 'd had them , knew how to make them really well , but he thinks he can start making them for me at home . Yum ! I 'm a picky eater , but everything on my plate that morning was right up my alley and Becky had on a classic tunes radio station , playing all the songs straight out of my childhood . We went back to our room and packed up everything and dragged it outside , so that they could prepare the room for the next guests at their leisure . We returned to our spots on the porch . We could have explored the rest of the town , but I honestly never wanted to leave that view . Becky 's daughter in law joined us and then Becky did as well , and we all sat around talking and sharing stories until our eldest arrived to bring us home . I got hug from Becky as we left , who told me we were their most interesting guests yet . Arbor got behind the wheel and mentioned how alien it felt to be driving after so long on our feet . We passed signs on the road pointing to all the various places we 'd been and I was overcome by a bittersweet feeling . I was thrilled to be done , and yet would miss all we 'd experienced . Arbor started searching for the highway overpass we walked under , and then there it was . We looked down to see what our trail looked like from the road above . It was pretty daunting and bigger than I 'd thought at the time . I tried to get a better photo , but we passed it in the blink of an eye . I woke up at 5am , but wasn 't quite ready to jump out and get started . This was my last day out on the trail , and I had to think on that a while . Finally about 45 minutes later , I woke Arbor and we worked on morning routines . I was ready to go by 8 , but waited for Arbor to be settled and we headed off at 9 : 15 . The trip was a lot more lovely today , so it was a nice way to finish out the trail . It certainly wasn 't downhill , however . We kept joking about who threw all these uphill climbs in our downhill day ! There was a ton of variety in the trail , forest and fields and we walked through an area that was in partnership with Quails Forever and the Illinois chapter of Wild Turkey Federation . We stopped by the Iron furnace , the only one remaining from our state 's historic iron industry . It closed production in 1883 . It was much larger than I had anticipated , and was actually really cool to see . It 's a bit off the trail , but worth the time . We had a full days worth of water when we started , but we filtered again at the creek near the furnace . Good thing too . I got close to a really large 4 point buck , unintentionally and we scared the dickens out of one another . We saw box turtles , and hummingbirds and saw the tail end of a snake shimmy away . I even saw a monarch butterfly - the first of the whole trip , and I have to say the first I 've seen in a couple of years . I even spied a scarlet tananger , which was just wonderful . We got lost a couple of times , and had to bushwhack to stay on the trail that our gps showed us , but nothing too tragic . We took a lot of breaks today , including a beautiful spot by a lake . It was pretty hot and we drank 7 electrolyte drink mixes , when we normally drink 3 . It was just a really rough day . We finally made it out of the forest and into farmland . The sky was amazing and the vistas were a welcome sight . We even got wifi and started texting the news as we walked . It was a gravel road for three quarters of a mile and then we curved onto blacktop and we could see the beginnings of Elizabethtown . There was a ballpark , church and homes , and we quickened our pace as we walked through downtown . One block down and we could see the Ohio River ! We had made it ! Lo and behold , right there at the end of the trail say the famous catfish restaurant that we had heard about all along the trail . I can 't imagine why anyone goes the other direction - this way you end up right at food ! We walked in , and sat on the floating deck area . We ordered our catfish and Arbor spilled his Mississippi River water into the Ohio , right off the side of the deck . We ate , texted , instagramed and called my mom . I was still in disbelief that we had made it . After a certain point , I knew we would finish - and yet a different part of me still couldn 't see myself as someone who was capable of all of this . That part was struggling to embrace the feat that we had undertaken and succeeded at . The weather started to turn , and I desperately wanted to get settled into our hotel before the rain hit . We grabbed our packs and walked the block over to the Rose Hotel that also shared the shoreline with the restaurant . It 's a beautiful building with a double decker porch that overlooks the water . We walked up and greeted the folks sitting outside , and they just happened to be the hotel operators who greeted us by name . Becky told me later that when we 'd called her from he trail , she hadn 't realized we were hiking . When she heard we were coming from Grand Tower , she figured we were cyclists . She said when we walked up with packs on , she was just stunned . She gave us our key , showed us our room and when I asked about the possibility of laundry , she very generously said we could run a load . ( Even though it 's not something they offer ) I immediately gathered laundry while Arbor took a shower , and 30 minutes later I was shifting things to the dryer and made myself comfortable on the porch with Becky , her husband Bertis the mayor and their daughter in law . We told all our crazy trail stories , they were wonderfully curious about some of the logistics and we launched into so many of our other wild dreams and past exploits . We learned that this is their first year running the hotel - although the hotel itself has been in operation for over 100 years . We even met the area Marshall , who loves to bow hunt carp and stops in at the hotel to touch base with Bertis and Becky frequently . I never went upstairs to take my bath because their company was so utterly engaging . They offered Arbor a beer and even had a Smirnoff for me . We sat out until after dark , just swapping stories like we were fast friends . I just love it on that porch , and never really want to leave it . We will definitely have to come back , preferably for the 4th of July when the whole town puts on an amazing show ( I even got to see the street play rehearsed ) and feast , and the fireworks are shot off the River and the hotel has a front row seat . I love that we ended our trail here . It 's the perfect conclusion to an amazing journey , and solidifies that a true highlight of the hike were the amazing people that we met along the way . I will never forget them , the incredible things I 've seen , and the person inside of me I wasn 't aware existed . I slept well and was grateful for the rest . Our devices were all fully charged as well , and that was a real boon . We made our oatmeal and coffee and reflected on the time ahead of us . One more night in the woods and two days of hiking left . It was surreal to think we were so close to being done . We worked our way over to the camp office , where all the men in the neighborhood came to drink JoJo 's free coffee and talk about the events of the time . They are also a bunch of practical jokers , and pulled a fast one on JoJo 's husband who was away in Michigan . We joined in the conversations when we could , and as always when the talk of our trip came up , people asked about snakes . We showed our photos and they told us we 'd seen a chicken snake and a common grass snake . I snuggled on the dogs some more and then we said our goodbyes . JoJo have us warm hugs and blessings and we walked up the hill to high knob . It 's a half mile straight up , but we were heartened by the knowledge that after that climb , everything else would trend downhill . It was also a perfect day . The rain the day before made the temps bearable , and there wasn 't a cloud in the sky . It made me extra glad we 'd stayed instead of driving on in the rain . We enjoyed the view up at high knob , ate our second breakfast and Arbor was able to catch enough signal to Instagram and text the kids . I think my life proof case blocks my reception enough when the signal is weak , and I 'm just out of luck . It just means I get to conserve my battery life more anyway . Most of the rest of the day was following old forest service roads through some of her ugliest parts of the trail yet . JoJo talked about the 18 mile climb demoralizing folks , but I now think it 's combined with the uninspiring landscape as well . If you don 't know that hints will get vastly better , it 's hard to imagine the trail is worth it . We had a long day before us since we stopped short of our goal the might before . It ended up being rather grueling with lots of tall weeds and bush whacking , plus the trail was terribly muddy from the storm , so we didn 't escape with dry feet . We had four major creek crossings and several smaller ones as well . We managed to keep our shoes on for all but the last , but didn 't always keep our feet dry in spite of trying . The last creek crossing was . 87 miles before the campsite notes in the Voigt 's book , so we needed to load up on water there for the night and the following day . I was rather worn out by then , and made my displeasure known . This had the I intended effect of causing Arbor to worry about me and trying to hurry things along . We filtered and packed up , and in his haste , he left the filter hanging on the tree , but put the full bladders in his pack . We hiked on to the campsite , and it was just a large gravel circle without even any trees just along its border . While it could do for a tent camper ( though you 'd need an air mattress I 'd imagine ) , it wouldn 't work for us . We pushed on and it was after that that Arbor realized we 'd left the filter . I turned to head back , but Arbor said he was going to leave his pack where we stood and go back to collect it . I don 't like leaving packs unattended , so would need to stay with them . He said we could find a better spot for me to wait , and that 's when we saw the hill with some leaf litter and decided that 's where we 'd camp . We found trees and he left with his walking pole and a bottle of water and I set up my hammock and pulled my chair onto the path to write this post and wait for him to return . I 'm a natural worrier , so I 'm doing my best to believe that it 's just a slog there and back , and nothing more . At 7 : 15 I started to panic a little , and I walked up the path a ways and shouted his name three times as loud as I could , but heard no reply . I didn 't want to leave everything behind , yet I had the worst scenarios running through my head . I retreated to my hammock , because that 's the safest place I know , and I needed to get a grip of my wild imaginings . I told myself that at 8 : 00 I would hit the trail with a headlamp and my emergency whistle . I was counting down the minutes when Arbor called out that he could see our area and I hollered back that I was so glad he wasn 't dead ! He got back to camp at 7 : 50 . He put up his hammock , forgoing his tarp and I made dinner . We ate just as the sun was slipping under the horizon and then headed to bed to sleep our last night on the trail . I woke up at five , but the campground was still sleeping including Arbor and I didn 't want to risk waking anyone , so I laid in the hammock and read my book until 6 . I whispered to Arbor that it was time to get moving , and we made breakfast and talked in hushed voices the best we could . By the time we were done eating , Brenda and Laura were moving about and we got to the task of packing up . When I was done , I walked over to their camp and joined them for more conversation and laughter . They told me about their trip so far , and the different campgrounds and adventures they 'd experienced . They are a terrific family and it makes me glad to see them out here together spending time together . They talked of the rest of their family with well placed pride and we got to see photos and hear the stories . They were so much fun that we were reluctant to leave . Arbor had joined in once he had finished and we let the morning pass by while in such terrific company . Ultimately , we had to go and we made our way down the road to the trail and headed in . The path was wet and squishy from the nights rain , and it made for slower going and more careful placement of feet . We had the Packa covers on , and soon enough we needed to pull them open as the rain started gently falling . Something about the weather made us less visible to the wildlife , and we ran across several deer who raced across our paths at breakneck speeds since we surprised them with our proximity . Even a turkey vulture had to swoop just in front of us as we startled him from his perch . The turtles thought the weather was divine and stretched out in the middle of the trail to greet us as we passed by . All in all it was a nice hike in less than pleasant conditions . The rain never really let up , and it was starting to come down more persistently as we walked into High Knob Campground . We weren 't planning to stay , but I had heard so many great things about JoJo that I really wanted to meet her , and rumor had it that she had a small store where I might be able to nab another soda . She had gone for lunch when we arrived , so we waited on the covered porch , out of the rain for her to return . We didn 't wait long , and she heartily welcomed us into the office where we were overrun by four of the friendliest dogs . I have four dogs back home that I miss , so all of this canine affection filled a giant hole I hadn 't been aware was even there . We sat and chatted and she asked us about our trip and what direction we 'd come . I think our answer may have surprised her , because the vast majority of hikers coming her way depart from Elizabethtown . It 's an 18 mile climb from town to her camp , and most do that in one day - and then 60 % of them go home immediately after . She told us that high knob , a half mile up from her spot , is the highest point along the trail , so everything is easier from there - but she doesn 't know if everyone realizes that , and then et overwhelmed and head home . It reaffirms for me the decision to go west to east , because I don 't know that I could have survived the constant uphill at the very outset of our journey . JoJo told us that she has a soft spot for hikers , and that she 'd love to have us stay and take a hot shower , do a load of laundry and sleep in one of her cabins as a gift to us . She wouldn 't hear of taking any money , not even a token amount . We really had more miles to do , but the rain was coming down rather hard at that point . What ultimately convinced us to stay was JoJo herself , who is an absolute delight . She had one story after another , about hikers and her camp and the local area . I can 't even list all the amazing things we heard , or this entry would go on for ages . I really just wanted to share more of her company . Joe is a farmer in the area with 1800 acres . He helps out JoJo when he 's not working the farm and though he calls it just a job , I think he enjoys the community that 's built up around the place . He seemed to think we were a little bit nuts to want to take our vacation time to walk all these miles , and asked questions in order to wrap his head around it . I asked him what his ideal vacation was , and he said probably duck hunting up in Canada . He just loves it up there and when I asked him what duck hunting was like , he talked about getting up super early to go out and freeze his butt off and talked about what a lot of work it was . I smiled at him slyly and said it sounded an awful lot like hiking . JoJo had me hop in her golf cart so she could show me where we 'd be staying the night . What we didn 't realize is how large the campground is . She has several campers and cabins to rent , a brand new hotel / bunkhouse , and dozens of permanent camper residents . There is primitive camping , horse stalls and a playground . There is just so much to offer here , and the entire area has suggestive decor of a faux ghost town , just adding to the charm . Once our laundry was done , she let us use the golf cart to haul our backpacks to our cabin , and then we set to settling in . Unfortunately , our plumming plague followed us and after using the toilet it overflowed . There was no plunger handy , and the water just kept running . Soon the water had run out of the bathroom out into the main area all alone the wall and behind the sofa . We panicked for a moment , and the grabbed the only large absorbent item we could , which were the sheets off the bed . We did our best to stem the flow - I was most worried about the water getting in and under the baseboards . I worked on sopping up the best I could and Arbor rushed back to the office . JoJo wasn 't available at the moment , so one of her residents who helps out have us a plunger and a roll of paper towels and Arbor brought them back and I set to work drying everything I could . The plunger wasn 't fixing the problem , and we were at a total loss for how to make things better . Arbor took the sheets to he laundry area , brought back some disinfectant and headed back to the office to wait on JoJo . I cleaned all the floors . Mostly I just felt bad . She had done us this wonderful kindness , and we were quickly becoming nothing but a problem . JoJo up had been up all the night before because of a gravely ill mare , and it turned out that she had gone to her house to make a couple of phone calls and had fallen asleep . She had left her office open unintentionally , and that 's where Arbor had been waiting . Ultimately it was Arbor and JoJos resident helper who determined that the cistern for the cabin plumbing had filled up due to the rain and he came out himself to try and get it going again . Ten minutes later we had a good flush and all was right with the world . Boy , we camped at wildlife central . As soon as the sun went down the night birds were calling , the frogs were thunking , and the deer were barking loudly everywhere . Arbor woke in the middle of the night to pee and I woke as well and realized that I 'd hung the foot end of my hammock a touch too high and I wasn 't very comfortable . I got out and adjusted it and went to pee myself , and at that point I was wide awake . I laid in the hammock for 90 minutes trying to fall asleep again to no avail . I finally got out my iPad and read half of my new book , finally feeling tired about 5am . Woke up again at 6 and got up for the day . Since I didn 't sleep well , I never really relaxed , so all my muscles were tense and sore - which didn 't bode well for a long day up uphill climbs . It was hard climbs right away . It was a crazily steep gravel road . I 've been getting adjusted to uphill roads , but this one felt like mountain climbing for a half mile or so . It was easier after that and we made quick work of the two miles to the post office . Just before the highway bridge , you pass what was once a spring water pump made accessible to hikers . From what I 've read , it 's not been working for a few years now . It 's a shame because it 's very well positioned in an otherwise dry area . We had a short walk along a busy highway . You can see here how nerve wracking some of the road walking can be ! We got to the post office in plenty of time and we retrieved our boxes and sorted through what we kept and what got mailed back . Susan , the postmistress , was quiet at first , but was very accommodating and helped me with tape and paper to use as a mailing label . She as even able to give is cash with the use of our debit card ! She finally opened up and heard about our trip . She exclaimed that you 'd never catch her sleeping in the woods around here because there are black panthers in the area . She saw one a couple of years ago while driving up by Garden of the Gods and even saw the yellow slits of the eyes . She 's not the first person to mention black panthers here . Becky from Bay Creek Ranch said she saw one galloping through a farmers field , also a couple of years ago . It 's hard to believe , but I 'll definitely have to look it up when I get home . ( Later in the trip , a local mentioned that there are black cougars , and she believes all the panther sightings are just that ) Susan is from Australia and lived in a shipping town where she met her husband . She moved to Southern Illinois where they farmed for many years . Her husband now works at the coal mine and she 's been with the post office for nine years . She says it helps keep her mind sharp , as her father died of Alzheimer 's . We talked about her family more and I really felt that we made a connection deeper than the usual trail talk , and it was a genuine pleasure to get to know her . We took her photo , but she told us that it was against regulation to take any pictures inside of a post office , so as long as we didn 't post it online , it would be ok . We left and hiked another hill a mile upward until we found the trailhead for the Garden of the Gods Wilderness . For such a popular area , I was surprised at how rampant the poison ivy and oak were . We hadn 't seen anything this bad since our first day . Fortunately we were well conditioned and properly attired this time around . Up and up the trail went , and then up some more . The ascent this time just never really stopped . About a third of our way , the thunder began . It was loud and nearby and we pulled out our packas to be ready for the downpour . There was a scenic lookout 2 . 28 miles ahead of is , and I could only imagine how great the photos could be if we got there before rain hit . We decided to try and beat it , and hiked like we never had before . We just never stopped our pace and pushed ourselves to the brink for the mission in front of us . Incredibly we made it and were treated to some really cool sky . You can see the rain coming down across the valley in the picture . There was another lookout . 20 miles away , so we rushed over there , but the rain began before we made it . And then suddenly it was over . Just a tiny smattering of rain to go with all that bluster of lightening and thunder . The second lookout was disappointing with too many trees obstructing the view , so we were grateful we caught the first one when we did . We figured we were doing so well that we might keep going to make sure the trail stayed dry , and we kept chugging along for another half mile , before I finally hit a wall . We took a break to eat some food , and Arbor needed a new water bladder because he 'd already consumed his three liters . I was only too happy to get rid of the extra 1 . 8 liter bag I was carrying , and it made my pack feel so much better when I put it back on . Onward and upward we climbed until we reached the Garden of the Gods recreation area . All in all , I 'm confident that at least 6 of today 's 8 miles was uphill , and probably more than that . Garden of the Gods is a very popular tourist destination and we found benches to drop our packs and rest on while people walked by and over the cliffs nearby . First we just needed to catch our breath , but it was high enough that it was the first cell signal we 'd had in over a week . We texted with the kids and friends , looked over any critical email , downloaded the weather for the rest of the trip and chatted with my mom . It felt do good to reconnect with the greater world . I know many people hit the trail in order to unplug for a while , but that 's never been a need of mine . I have no conflict with nature and technology , and get as much out of one as the other . In an ideal world , I could have both at the same time . We eventually made it out to the cliffs ourselves , admired the view and took pictures . Having satisfied that , we climbed down to find the campground . The map was unclear , so we did a little backtracking , but found our way out to the road and over to the sites . I was so glad we had money now to pay for the spot , what a relief . There were several nice spots with good trees and I even spied two hammocks already hanging ! I walked over and introduced myself and met Brenda and her daughter Laura . I asked about their setup , and they 're using Hammacka hammocks , a brand I 'd not yet heard of . I just love how expansive the hammocking world actually is . We talked gear for a bit then learned that Brenda intends to hike the River to River trail next year ! Like us , she intends to go slowly and was glad to learn how long it 's taken us . I rambled on quite a bit . I don 't think I 'd eaten enough for the days work , and so I 'm afraid I embarrassed myself in front of these nice ladies . We went to set up , and Brenda mentioned she was heading to Walmart and asked if we needed anything . I asked her for a cold Dr Pepper and went to get some cash , and she waved it away . Such a small act of generosity made my whole week . I 've been craving a soda for so long now ! Alas , there were no showers or electricity . It was a primitive campground with pit toilets and a hand cranked water pump . Still , the ground was free of ivy and there was lots of room to spread out . We got to work setting up our space immediately and efficiently . This is pretty uncharacteristic of us as we tend to drop everything and just sit for at least thirty minutes until we find the will to get moving again . Even after today 's exertion , we were like hammock machines . It 's a good thing too because the thunder was suddenly back . We went to Brendas camp and moved her few belongings under their tarps and then I quickly made dinner and we moved under my tarp to eat . I keep making the mistake of setting up my tarp for dry summer days . It 's higher and wider and allows for excellent air flow . The moment I heard the thunder , I should have run for my tarp and reset it low and tight . Instead I blithely ignored that wisdom , thinking about today 's earlier joke of a rain spirt . It got very dark very fast , then the wind came roaring in and the rain hot on its heels . The rain just blew in under the tarp and sprayed all over everything . It came down so hard that all of the ground became a puddle , and I pulled up the tyvek at the edges to make a dry island for my pack as the water rushed around it . I ultimately climbed in my hammock while poor Arbor hung out either squatting or stooping under the tarp . He couldn 't sit anymore because of how wet the ground had become , and it was coming down too hard to make a dash to his own hammock . Staying dry has become the holy grail of backpacking . Fortunately the strong winds meant that the storm moved quickly , and it let up enough for Arbor to find his own shelter . Just at the tail end of the rain , Brenda returned and brought the soda to me in my hammock , proclaiming " Merry Christmas ! " What a gift it truly was . Sooooo good . Arbor is presently napping while I write this , and the rain has stopped and the sun returned . I went back over to get Brenda and Laura 's photo and learned that Brenda is a hair stylist and her daughter is going to Columbia to be a writer . They 're taking two weeks to camp and hike at a whole variety of parks and loving every minute of it . They were both charming and funny and we had a great time getting to know one another . We gave them a tour of our hammocks and hiking gear and I could see Brenda making mental notes and filing them away for when she plans out her own River to River hike . I 'm totally excited for her , and I hope she touches base with us before she leaves . Just as we were finishing up , I noticed the clouds over the ridge . We walked out to the bluff , just off a campsite , and saw a line of cloud vapor snaking through the trees on the opposite side of the valley . It was ethereal and hauntingly beautiful and I 'm glad I caught it before the sun blasted it away in the morning . It 's 8 : 53 and I 'll just read a little and try to make up for the sleep I missed out on last night . Today certainly wasn 't the most challenging , but I do think it was the most physically difficult . We hike past High Knob tomorrow , and then I think it 's largely downhill from there ! What a night ! Just as I was getting ready to close my book , I looked out of my hammock to see a fury of lightening bugs at the border of the trees . It was an incredible sight to see them all flashing on and off into the forest , like something out of a fairy tale . Just wonderful . I fell asleep and just after 1am a strong wind started blowing . It wasn 't dissimilar to the wind right before the thunderstorm he night before , so I worried about Arbor 's lack of tarp . I called to him and he told me that he saw clear skies from where he lay , so I tried to lay back and relax . My tree kept making noises and I just couldn 't give up the worry so I got up to check my lines and everything looked solid . While doing so , I saw the stars through the leaves and asked Arbor if he wanted to go up on the bluff and look at the sky win me . We climbed up through the gap using a headlamp and out onto the rocks . The sky was brilliant and clear and all together amazing . We could see the Milky Way and a gazillion different stars . So many stars that we just couldn 't pick out any of the constellations we knew . We both wished we 'd brought our phones up with us because we have star map apps on them , but neither of us wanted to climb down and up again . We laid down on the rock , held hands , and watched the sky . It was quite romantic and in the space of ten minutes , we saw five shooting stars . Once we climbed back down , the wind had all but died away . The romantic in me says that the wind came just to make sure we didn 't miss the opportunity to look up into the night sky . With my sleep interrupted , I didn 't wake until 7am . I 'm usually up by 5 : 30 or 6 these days , so 7 seemed crazy . Arbor was up and getting a jump on his chores . I got dressed and brought breakfast over and we were mixing our oatmeal when Mike rode up on his mountain bike . He stopped to chat when he got a call on his cell from his wife Pam , who was out on horseback somewhere . Mike rides this route regularly and talked about the other hikers he 's come across up here , some doing better than others . He told us that just two days prior he was riding win a 22 year old who 's front wheel got " tacoed " and they came up to try and fix it rich where I was sitting . Mike himself is 53 and in amazing shape . He lives just off the trail a bit and it sounds like both he and his wife are making the most out of living in the area . He was really interested in our hammocks and my chair and we talked about gear a bit before he took his leave and headed back the way he came . Hiking was just as pretty . The bluffs continued for quite a ways and we even passed another camp spot in a shallow cave . It would be fun to stay there if we were tent goers . The walking remained largely downhill , and the temps had cooled off as well as being slightly overcast , so it was just brilliant conditions . We turned onto a road , but it was one of those gravel roads rarely used and entirely shaded . It was gorgeous and flat or slightly downhill , making it some of the easiest hiking we 'd ever done on this trip . Four horseback riders came along our path and they stopped to talk with us . Jerry and his granddaughter Hannah live in the area , while Robert and Angela hail from Kentucky and come out here to ride rather frequently . They are retired dairy farmers who took up riding as soon as the farm was behind them . Like us , they feel like this is a new chapter in their lives and are among the most of it . Everyone was surprised that we were 42 . That seems to be a common theme , most folks believe we are in our twenties , and when they hear we 're from CU , they think we are students at the university . I tell them that all the sweating is good for the complexion , but really I 'm very flattered . I guess backpacking is a young persons sport in the minds of most people . It was a nice visit and we parted ways to enjoy the truly excellent day . At our next road turn off , we set down our packs to have a snack break . We realized we only had a mile and a half to go , and all downhill . We officially declared it to be the best hiking day ever . Down we went , toward the creek in deep forest . We arrived at the established campsite at 1 : 30 and we weren 't even winded . Certainly it was a low mile day , but even all downhill at that . We would love to have pushed onward , but we need to camp so that we can reach the post office as early as possible the next morning , and this was the last forest before the road . With all our extra time , we did a detailed inventory of our packs for future trips . We then sat down in the creek and watched all the different fish , water bugs and crayfish wander across our field of vision . We even had a resident lizard skitter back and forth on the log spanning the creek , looking for a meal . It was wonderfully relaxing . Of course , now my pants are wet . We set up hammocks and filtered another giant load of water . Tomorrow is going to be a far more difficult day . It 's a post office stop and the rest is straight uphill to a scenic overlook , and there won 't be any water . Hopefully the weather will stay on the cooler side , so we don 't need to drink as much on the way up . We looked over all of our plans and are reconsidering much of our route . We were planning to stay at High Knob Campground the day after tomorrow , but our lack of cash makes us decidedly nervous since none of the campgrounds have taken credit except for Giant City Lodge . We 've heard wonderful things about JoJo the owner , and how she 's partial to hikers , but we don 't want to push our luck . It might be best to push through to Garden of the Gods tomorrow , where we know there is water and then hike past JoJo 's for a handful more miles the next day . It just makes tomorrow that much more strenuous because I suspect that most of it will be uphill . |
Pa named him when he was just a foal . He told me he looked just the color of a rusty old hinge pin he had layin ' on his workbench in the old tool shed , the exact same color , so he just hung that name on him . I 'm kind of glad , ' cause it 's a real nifty name . I 'm Paul , and I 'm 13 , and Rusty is four years older ' n me . Sorta like a big brother , I guess . He sorta treats me that way . He 's got a mind of his own , and thinks he 's the boss of me , and looks out for me , too . Of course , a couple of times , that were a pretty good deal . One of those times was when I was seven . I thought I was pretty hot stuff . You know how kids who are seven are . They can 't see past what they want , and are about as dumb as gooseberries when it comes to thinkin ' about danger . I sure was . I 'd been ridin ' Rusty for a couple of years by then . He was mine . Pa gave him to me for my fifth birthday . ' Course , I had to take care of him , but for a farm kid , that was nuthin ' . I had my other chores to do as well , and taking care of Rusty was almost fun . I got to feed him , bathe and curry him and change his straw . Digging out his stall and all that weren 't much fun , but they weren 't that bad , neither , ' cause all the time I 'd be doing that , I 'd be talkin ' to him . He 'd stand there and listen up real good , too , and nicker at just the right times . I was pretty sure he understood human , a lot more ' n I understood horse . I told him a lot of things . More ' n I 'd ever tell anyone else . When you 're seven and most everythin 's new and confusin ' and you got all these doubts , you sure have a lot to talk about , and question , and some of that stuff you don 't want anyone to hear . It was summer and I 'd done my mornin ' chores and the whole day stretched out in front of me to decide what to do with . I 'd decided , hot as it was , to take a picnic lunch with me and head for the creek and go swimmin ' . ' Course I didn 't tell my ma about that last part ' cause she was dead set against me swimmin ' alone . You learned right quick you don 't tell your ma and pa what they don 't need to know about . " Paulie ! " my mother called , usin ' her provoked voice . I was still little ' nuff back then that I didn 't mind that Paulie name . Couple years later , me ' n her would have some words about that , but back then , Paulie was fine . " Yeah , Ma ? " " What 've I told you about that door ? " She was soundin ' right sore , but you never know anyone as well as you know your ma when you 're seven . She weren 't really mad . I knowed when she was . She wanted me to think she were proper put out , though . She was right tired of that door slammin ' . " Oh , sorry . Forgot again . Hey , could you make me some samiches , maybe a piece of pie and put some lemonade in a jar for me ? I was thinkin ' on riding over into the woods and gettin ' out of the heat and havin ' me a picnic , just me an ' Rusty . What ' a you think ? " Ma was big on manners . I was big on playin ' Ma . I played her just right then , too . Now , when I said ' please ' after all that , I knew she 'd be so happy she 'd never even think to say ' no ' about the picnic , and prob ' ly forget ' bout the door , too . And I 'd done it just right , ' cause she got to makin ' those samiches and lemonade and cuttin ' that pie . I slipped a few carrots into the bag she packed it all in . ' Long about an hour later , after I 'd rested up some , Rusty and me were off towards the woods , which by some lucky coincidence happened to be in the same direction as my swimmin ' place at the creek . It was some warm , ridin ' out . I had my straw hat on and that protected my face and head . Rusty was all happy , a little frisky ' cause we hadn 't done much ridin ' for the last couple days . I 'd been chorin ' heavy lately ' cause of my mouth , which seemed to have a mind of its own . Pa never much whipped me , though sometimes I wished he would . A whippin ' , while it might bring tears to my eyes , was done in a minute , and chores could take all day , should my mouth be sassy enough . I kinda wished I had better control over it . Figured maybe I would , when I was eight . Rusty was jumpin ' ' round some , but I let him ' cause I was happy too . He was so playful when I was getting him ready , he kept reachin ' around and pullin ' his saddle blanket off just as I was heftin ' the saddle up . Now that saddle weighted somethin ' and I was seven , so I was gettin ' somewhat provoked , and he was laughin ' at me . Don 't tell me horses can 't laugh . Till you 've been laughed at by one , you have no idea . Anyways , I spoke sharply to him when his teasin ' were not nearly as charmin ' as he must a thought it was and he looked remorseful then , so I finished saddlin ' him , finally , and we were off . I thought he might like to run a mite , so when we were in the pasture I told him he could , and he lit out . Good thing I 'd learned to squeeze tight with my knees ' fore I told him he could run . I squeezed with my knees , held on to the reins tight , punched my hat down tighter on my head , leaned forward a bit so my head was next to his neck and said , " Let 's go , Rusty , " and he was off before the words were out of my mouth . The air rushin ' past felt good . I weren 't wearin ' a shirt at all , and that air , even warm as it was , felt mighty good . Dried some of the sweat off my face and body . The woods were cooler since the sun couldn 't get at us all that much . I slowed Rusty to a walk and told him we were goin ' to the creek , then just hooked the reins in a loop over the saddle horn . He knew the way as well as I did . I looked around as he walked and saw some squirrels but nuthin ' much else . I was hopin ' Pa would get me a . 22 rifle for my 8th birthday . Knowing where those squirrels were hangin ' out might come in handy , if ' n he was to do that . When we got to the creek , I was surprised to find Ben and Bud there . They lived on the farm next to ours , but I didn 't see them all that much . Ben was 14 , a real big kid , while Bud was about my age . But it was too far to go to meet up with them real regular like . I 'd gotten used to bein ' by myself when I had free time . Myself and Rusty . So it was a real treat to find them here to play with . When Pa had first brought me here , he 'd always called this the creek . To me , it looked like a river . Prob ' ly most people would a called it a river , but to Pa , it were a creek , or at least that 's what he called it . Maybe his pa had called it that to him . In the summer sometimes it got to bein ' just a creek , I guess , but most of the time , and often even in the summer , it looked like what I 'd call a river . I was seven , though , so I just called it what Pa did . But it was wide enough that it would have taken a while to wade across , if you could have , but it was way too deep for me to do that , especially out a ways from the bank . Where we swum the creek had widened out and there was a shallower spot in by the bank , only about four feet deep where the water weren 't movin ' at all . That 's why we chose to swim there . If you got past that and out into the where the water was runnin ' , then there was a current and I 'd been told many times not to get out past my shoulders . I 'd planned to eat my lunch before swimmin ' , but with those two boys there , I wanted to get to playin ' ; lunch would have to wait . Those two boys were already in the water , splashin ' each other and bickerin ' . They almost always were arguin ' with each other . You 'd think with Ben being such a big kid , he 'd just haul off and thump Bud when he got to natterin ' at him , but Ben put up with it and just cussed him back . I 'd never seen him hit him . Of course , like I said , I didn 't spend much time with them . " Hey , Paulie . " That was Bud . Ben was just smilin ' at me . Other ' n cussin ' a lot at Bud , he never did say too much . Matter of fact , they sorta acted like equals . That makes you think Ben might a been a little simple , me sayin ' it like that , but he weren 't . He just was real quiet . Maybe if Bud didn 't get on him some , he 'd never a said anythin ' at all . I stripped my shorts and underpants off and headed for that water . It felt so good . The current was stronger than usual , prob ' ly from a big rain we 'd had a few days ago . But the cold water was what I needed after all the heat we 'd been havin ' since then . Bud and I splashed each other and wrassled some . We competed to see who could stay under water the longest . We tried back floatin ' and front floatin ' . Ben just sorta stayed mostly submerged in the water , up to his neck , and watched . After awhile , we all got out and lay in the grass on the bank , lettin ' the sun dry us , and the warm take the chill off us . Bud and I blabbered away , not talkin ' about anythin ' important , just talkin ' like little kids do . Ben didn 't say anythin ' , just lay lookin ' at us and then lookin ' at what few clouds there were in that deep blue sky , but that was just how Ben was . Pretty soon after that , when we were dry , Ben said they had to get , and he and Bud got dressed and took off . Bud looked back and waved to me , and I grinned at him and waved , too . It was too early for me to go back home . If ' n I did , Ma would certainly find some more chores to do , and I 'd done my fill . I decided to go back in that water again . Lyin ' on the bank had warmed me up , and now I was sweatin ' again . I jumped in and let the cold take me . Weren 't but a minute and I was feeling frisky . Without Bud to splash and play with , I tried to find something to do so I wouldn 't just stand there feelin ' the cold . I thought I 'd practice my underwater swimming by seeing if I could find any rocks on the bottom . The creek bottom was mostly just some thin water weeds and mud , but there were some rocks , and though they weren 't sharp , you could still bruise your foot if you came down too hard on one . So I started divin ' down , holdin ' my breath and feelin ' round for them . With the water movin ' faster than usual , there was way too much silt and mud in that water to see anythin ' if ' n I opened my eyes . So I kept them shut and just felt around . I 'd come up for air , blow out anything I had left and take a huge gasp of new air , then go back down again and start feeling around . I was doing this , stayin ' pretty close to the bank , but I just lost track of exactly where I was , after a bit . Also , I was getting tired . I didn 't swim all that much , so that weren 't too much of a surprise . I stayed down longer than usual that last time because I found a rock but it didn 't want to come out of the mud . I worked on it while my air was gettin ' short , too long really , and then suddenly had to kick hard for the surface . I came up , but my desperate kicking to get up had taken me away from the bank , and now I was mostly right in the middle of the creek , and right then , that creek seemed more like a river . Where I was , the water was moving much faster than closer in . I hadn 't realized when I was in that calm place we usually swam what it was like out there in the middle . The water was really flowin ' there , and the current powerful . And I was tired . Not a good combination at all . I kinda panicked , which of course was the wrong thing to do . If I 'd just taken a big breath , put my head back in the water and swum hard for the bank , I might have made it okay . But my fear made me keep my head up , out of the water , and that made my strokes way too weak to make any headway goin ' cross - current for the bank . So I just sorta beat at the water , holdin ' my head up the best I could , and started to be swept down river . When I saw what was happenin ' , then I really started to panic . It was seein ' that I couldn 't do anythin ' to help myself that did it . I was havin ' a hard time just keepin ' my head above water . I started screamin ' then , yellin ' for help , but there was no one around to hear me , and I knew it . And then I heard a whinny . I got my head as high as I could and looked at the bank . Rusty was there , throwin ' his head and neighin ' , runnin ' along the bank , keepin ' up with me as I sped down river . " Rusty ! Rusty ! Rusty ! " I shouted his name , knowin ' even while doin ' it that it was stupid . But I was runnin ' out of hope and strength and will , and yellin ' his name was at least doin ' somethin ' that felt sorta useful . Then I heard splashin ' , loud enough to take myself out of the fog that I 'd been falling into . When the water turned me in that direction , I could see Rusty . He was in the water now and swimmin ' with powerful strokes . He was about 20 yards away and comin ' closer . I fought harder against the water , kickin ' with the last of my energy . Hope had suddenly come to me , and with it renewed energy . I struggled , and Rusty kept gettin ' nearer . And then he was beside me , and I could grab his reins . I did and pulled . It didn 't move him none but it did me . Pulled me closer to him . I got the idea then and went hand over hand along those reins till I reached his head , and then slithered up onto his shoulders . It didn 't take but a few moments I don 't think , and then he was fightin ' his way up onto the bank . I don 't know for sure ' cause all I was doin ' was hangin ' on and breathin ' hard . When he got there , I slipped off him and sank down onto the grass . I was pantin ' hard . But the fear I 'd felt was gone now . Rusty was standin ' over me , lookin ' down , and it was like he was Ma . I could see disapproval in his eyes . I thought real hard then . How could he have known ? He was a horse , and even at seven I could appreciate that . How did he know I was in trouble ? He 'd known . He had to have . He 'd come into that creek and saved me . And he 'd done that on purpose . But how had he known I needed him to ? I thought on that , and remembered something Pa had told me . We talked , Pa and me . He taught me stuff . Thing is , he never made it sound like he was teachin ' me . He 'd just talk about stuff , and I caught on pretty quick it was stuff he was sayin ' that he thought maybe I should know , or would be interested in knowin ' . When he was workin ' with me cleanin ' Rusty 's stall , showin ' me how before I 'd done it myself , he 'd been talkin ' about horses . He 'd told me that horses was much diff ' rent from people . He said they didn 't really think about things the way we did . He said that a lot of smart people said horses were right stupid animals . But he didn 't agree with that , hisself . He said they were diff ' rent from us , but not stupid . He said their knowin ' came through their senses rather than their thoughts . He said they sensed things rather than thought about them . He said when somebody rode one horse a lot , it got to be that that horse and that man riding him sorta talked to each other with their feelings , and the horse got real good at knowin ' what the man was thinkin ' and the man , even though he weren 't as good at it as the horse , could sometimes feel what the horse was feelin ' , too . I remembered that talk , and lookin ' up at Rusty , standin ' over me , I got to thinkin ' perhaps he 'd felt my panic in that creek . Maybe he had . Maybe he 'd felt how scared I was , and figured out I needed him . Whether that was right or not , it didn 't make too much diff ' rence . He 'd come into that creek and he 'd saved me . I knew that . I also knew I couldn 't tell anyone . If ' n I did , Ma and Pa would be sure to find out , and I 'd never be able to swim in that creek again and prob ' ly would regret thinkin ' how much I 'd rather get a whippin ' from Pa rather than just some more chorin ' to do . So that was one of those times I mentioned earlier when he kinda took charge of me . There were another , too . That one weren 't scary like the first . That second time was right recent . I 'm writin ' it down ' cause Ma 's always sayin ' that I should keep a journal of stuff about me that talks about how I am and what I 'm doin ' and thinkin ' about . She says when I 'm growed I 'll be happy to have it . She tells me that people don 't remember much about how it was when they was young , and havin ' that to read later on is somethin ' I might treasure . I don 't know about that , but Ma 's pretty smart , and if ' n I don 't do it and then when I 'm old end up wishin ' I had , it 'll be too late to do it then . I don 't see how I 'll ever forget any of this , but ifn ' I do , I think I might be right pissed at myself for not listenin ' to Ma . She says doin ' this is kinda important , so I 'm doin ' it . So I 'm 13 now and Rusty is 17 and just as good a friend as ever . Me ' n him spend time together , but me being mostly growed now , I don 't have as much time as I did when I was younger . He sometimes gets a touch annoyed with me . I 'll come out to feed him of an evenin ' and he 'll grab his bridle rope off the nail I hang it on and hold it out to me , then shake it some if ' n I don 't take it . He wants me to take him out and ride him . He gets bored if ' n he doesn 't get his exercise . I try , but I got more chores now than before . Pa says I 'm gettin ' to be a man , I got to see what bein ' a man is about , and I guess bein ' a man is about doin ' more chores , ' cause that 's what I 'm doin ' . I also got homework now , and I got some friends I didn 't have when I was younger . They want me to spend time with them , and I kinda like doin ' that . So sometimes Rusty doesn 't get that much of my time . But I try , and we do ride . And I still talk to him . He 's still the one who hears all my secrets . My secrets are diff ' rent from the ones I had at seven , but I still got ' em . I talk to him and he 'll shake his head and sometimes even turn and poke his head halfway back along his neck and look at me . I 'd swear that horse can understand most of what I say . What I was spendin ' a lot of wind talkin ' to him about lately was Michael . Michael was this kid in my 8th grade class at school . He 'd lived all his life around here just like I had , so I 'd known who he was ever since school started , but he lived in town and I lived on our farm and we never knew each other at all . He was just a kid at school , like a lot of the other ones . My friends were mostly farm kids . We all knew the same things and had about the same chores and a bunch of us rode the same bus , so there was a lot in common . I hung with them at school , much as I could . This bein ' 8th grade and most of us 13 , some of the boys were feelin ' kinda boastful , feelin ' like they needed to show some of the other boys they were better ' n them . I guess that 's how it is when you 're that age . Some of those girls that you thought was a waste of time a couple years ago would kinda glance at some of us boys sideways like and kinda flash their eyes and look a little shy , and some of us boys would get to thinkin ' maybe we ought to beat up a couple of other boys , show how tough we were . Seemed kinda silly to me . I mean the girl part . Now the farm boys , we did a lot a chorin ' and had been since we were mostly little . Some of us were right strong . Some of us weren 't , of course , but a lot of us were . And a lot of the town boys hadn 't had to feed the stock and help with the hayin ' and the plowin ' and all , and they just weren 't as tough as we were . And we stuck together more ' n they did . I didn 't know why that was , but it could ' a been ' cause there were fewer of us , and it made sense to stick together . What it come down to was , a lot of the town boys didn 't like us none . Which we didn 't mind ' cause a lot of them we didn 't much like either . We stayed pretty much with us , and they stayed with them . Michael was a town boy ; I was a farm boy . I knew his name and that was about it . ' Ceptin ' there was more ' n that now . I didn 't know what it was , but in English class this term I had a seat right behind him . So I saw him every day . And for some reason , I 'd got to lookin ' forward to seein ' him every day . Didn 't make no sense to me ' cause I didn 't look forward to seein ' any other boy every day , not even my friends . But I got to noticin ' , even in the class we had right before English , I had got to lookin ' at the clock and waitin ' for the class to be over so I could get to English . Now let me tell you , that had NEVER happened before . Me and English teachers weren 't buddies , never were , never would be . I 'd always had a bit of trouble with all them English teachers I 'd had , but this one was the worst . She didn 't like the way I talked , and seemed determined to change it . I didn 't see it at all . I talked like my Pa and Ma talked , and that was plenty good enough for us , and that English teacher could just go to hell if she thought she was better ' n us . I had news for her . I didn 't like the way SHE talked none neither . So lookin ' forward to English was a little confusin ' to me , till I recognized it was sittin ' behind Michael I was lookin ' forward to . I seen it ' cause when I was in my seat my heart would get to beatin ' a little faster and my eyes would be stuck to that door , and then I realized I was waitin ' for him to come through it . That took me some thinkin ' about , and some long talks with Rusty . I talked it over real good with him . He didn 't help me none , but the talkin ' might have . I always felt a little better , after . So I had something new to do at school now . Every day , I 'd look around me and find out where Michael was . Then I 'd be careful not to look there , except now and then . I didn 't want anyone thinkin ' anythin ' , and I sure didn 't want Michael to think anythin ' . 8th grade is a bad time for people to be thinkin ' things . So I spent a lot of time not looking at Michael but knowin ' where he was , and once when I was doin ' that , he was lookin ' at me . I dropped my eyes real quick - like and it was a long time before I looked over at him again , least a minute or so . He was still lookin ' at me . I told my friends I had to get a book out of my locker and moved off . We were all outside in the yard , and I headed for the school door . I got inside and breathed a sigh of relief . My heart was beatin ' a little faster than normal for some reason . I walked down the hallway toward the stairs that led to where my locker was , just ' cause I 'd said that 's where I was goin ' , and I heard the door open behind me . I turned to look , and there was Michael . I suppose I need to say what he looks like . He was as big as I was , by that I mean the same tallness . But I was bigger . Neither of us were fat , or even stocky , but I 'd been at that chorin ' and he hadn 't , I guess , ' cause I was just bigger . He had dark brown hair and dark eyes and a small mouth that always seemed to have a cocky - looking grin on it and you shouldn 't call boys cute , not if they 're 13 and know you 're doin ' it , but he was . I had brown hair too , but his was a shade or two lighter , and his was combed a lot better . He also was a little shy . Now me , I 'm not shy . I think it might be ' cause I 'm helpin ' run a farm , and I 'm right able to do that and help my Pa and I know it . He tells me so , too . I don 't have much to be ' shamed of . I 'm not the talkiest person in the world , but I say what I want to say when I want to . I don 't hold back none ' cause I 'm too shy to speak up . Never have , neither . Remember when I said about that extra chorin ' ? That 's what I mean . He dressed some better than I did . I wore what us farm boys wore , tee shirts and jeans , tennis shoes and that was about it . Michael wore shirts with collars , and while he sometimes wore jeans , but they were better lookin ' than the one 's I wore . He wore other kinds of pants , too , and some of them had a crease down each leg right in the front . He wore regular shoes , too , sometimes . Not that I paid that much attention . Michael was shyer ' n me . I didn 't know him well , but since I 'd started knowin ' where he was all the time , it seemed I also happened to be near enough to overhear when he was with his friends , and they talked and he listened , and I noticed , the few times I did look at him , he was lookin ' down a lot and sometimes blushin ' and I could just tell , he was kinda shy . Nuthin ' wrong with that . Lots of kids are shy . Don 't matter none to me . But he was . The reason I bring it up at all is , I was surprised he had followed me into the buildin ' . I didn 't think he 'd do that , even if he did think I had been lookin ' at him , which I was pretty sure he didn 't . I didn 't do it that much . Not that he 'd notice at least . Then I thought maybe he 'd come in for somethin ' that didn 't have nuthin ' at all to do with me . That made my heart slow down a bit , thinkin ' that . Maybe I wouldn 't have to talk to him at all . I 'd stopped when I 'd seen him , and he was comin ' closer . Then he was there , and I was thinkin ' , ' walk on by me , keep goin ' . ' I turned so my back was to him and started fiddlin ' with the lock on a locker right where I was . I wasn 't lookin ' at him . But I heard his feet stop . I went right on fiddlin ' with that lock . It weren 't my locker , but once you start fiddlin ' with a lock , you can 't pretty much just stop . I couldn 't think of a single reason in the world why I 'd do that what didn 't sound silly as all get out . Now , my face was red before , but it must of got redder . Had to . Michael 's grin got bigger . I didn 't know what to do . He wasn 't helpin ' any , and finally I did the only thing I knew how to do . I mumbled , " Oops , wrong locker , sorry , " and turned and started walkin ' fast down the hall . I 'd gone about fifteen steps or so when he called to me . I stopped . I was still blushin ' , but he 'd called and I couldn 't pretend I hadn 't heard him . So I stopped and turned around . I just looked at him , and he broke out laughin ' . He laughed really hard , the longer he looked at me . I was embarrassed , and then got mad that he was laughin ' at me , and then , for some reason I couldn 't even think what was , I started laughin ' too . Talk about makin ' no sense . What did I have to laugh about ? But seein ' him do it , and feelin ' so embarrassed , it just happened . He finally stopped , and just as I was about to turn around , he waved at me , then turned and walked back outside . I watched him walk all the way to the door , and then through it . And what I was thinking was , he hadn 't opened his locker . So , why had he come in ? That was my first time that I had anythin ' to do with him , really . After that , I found it much harder to keep track of him , ' cause I couldn 't look at him any more . I mean , I wanted to . I sure enough wanted to . But I could only do it in English , ' cause his back was to me there , and if he turned around , I 'd have my eyes elsewhere by the time he was around far enough to see where I was lookin ' . And it never was at him . But anywhere else , I couldn 't do it . ' Cause whenever I tried , he was lookin ' at me . And I 'd thought he was shy . Now I had to consider that . ' Cause when I looked at him , he didn 't look away like I did . I still did that . ' Ceptin ' as I never looked at him now , I had no need to do that . Only a few times is all . We went along like this , neither one of us doin ' anythin ' more ' n lookin ' . I sure wasn 't gonna talk to him . What would I say ? Just lookin ' at him made my stomach feel like it was itchin ' inside . Speakin ' to him would be worse . Or maybe he 'd end up laughin ' at me again . I sorta hated that and wished it would happen again . Kinda confused , is what I was . Miss Bonner was makin ' my life miserable . It was a funny feelin ' , lookin ' forward to English , then sufferin ' through it . Lookin ' at the way Michael 's hair was growin ' every day and curlin ' over his shirt collar , wantin ' so much to reach out and just touch that curl . He had gym class earlier in the day and like most of us , didn 't shower . I could imagine him dryin ' hisself off with a towel , puttin ' on a extra dose of deodorant , then goin ' to his next class . The one after that was English . And by English , if the day were warm , boys who 'd had gym had a odor . I 'd catch Michael 's and hoped Miss Bonner had no reason to make me stand up . His odor was deodorant and him . I got to know that odor . I got to hopin ' it would be a warm day . So part of those English classes were pretty great . But the part where we had to read out loud weren 't . I weren 't a great reader , and then Miss Bonner had to correct how I said things . And if ' n she went on with that too much , I 'd start gettin ' angry . I don 't think she was tryin ' to make me mad , but she sure didn 't seem to notice when it was happenin ' . And this one day , she just went too far . " Paul , that word is pronounced ' trying . ' Not ' tryin ' . ' You have to pronounce it correctly , saying the full ' ing ' sound . Here , try these words : sing , ring , ding , wing . " I looked at her , and begin to get red in the face . She 'd already stopped me and corrected me several times , and now this . She wanted me to say those silly words in front of the class . All the town boys were already snickerin ' , and she wanted me to say these words , and all of them were sorta girlish , and I 'd say all of them wrong . Well , I weren 't gonna do it . I knew what would happen . Everyone would be laughin ' . Michael would be laughin ' . I 'd look stupid . And if ' n I did say ' em , I 'd be hearin ' those words chanted at me in the lunchroom and on the playground for the rest of the year . Shit . I didn 't say anythin ' . Just looked back and kept my mouth shut . That seemed safest . What could they do ? Detention . Then if she did it again , maybe they 'd kick me out . And maybe that wouldn 't be bad , the way I was feelin ' right then . I could work fulltime with Pa . " Paul ? Sing , ring , ding , wing . Please say them . " She was startin ' to get red , too . Not a lot , nuthin ' like my red , but red . She didn 't know if I were showin ' her up . Teachers can 't stand it if someone shows them up . Bein ' disrespectful to a teacher is like wavin ' a red flag at a bull . Maybe worse , ' cause I waved a red flag at a bull once and nuthin ' happened . ' Course , he was way across the field and I was just inside the fence , ready to bolt should he take a notion to come over and check that flag out . Actually it was my shirt , but it was red , so I didn 't see no diff ' rence , and that don 't make no never - you - mind anyway . I 'd never been disrespectful to a teacher before , and I really weren 't now , neither . I just was refusin ' to let her humiliate me . I was gonna get in trouble either way , talkin ' or not talkin ' , and I had rather be in trouble with the school than with the kids . Much rather . Miss Bonner didn 't know what to do . Maybe if ' n she 'd been a teacher for a few years she 'd a knowed , but she was brand new . She could figure out by now that I wasn 't gonna to do what she wanted . What she couldn 't figure out was how to get either of us out of this . She 'd told me to do somethin ' , and I wasn 't doin ' it . Now what ? I saw her make up her mind . She was gonna to send me to the office . I knew it , and started to gather up my books even before she spoke . I jumped up , worried about him but also because he 'd told me to help him . Miss Bonner was standin ' still at the front of the room and hadn 't moved , a sorta shocked look on her face . I bent over Michael , and he said , loud enough so others could hear , " My stomach , got to get to the bathroom , help me ! Oooooh . " He staggered to his feet , and because I was up too , he reached for me . He threw his arm around my neck , and started up between the desks to the front . I had to go with him . He was pullin ' me along . He kept sorta stumblin ' along , still holdin ' on to me . I didn 't know if he were fakin ' or not . I sorta thought he was , and sorta thought he weren 't . " See if she 's lookin ' , " he said to me so just I could hear . I managed to halfway turn back , and she was in the doorway , lookin ' concerned . I might not be able to talk like she wanted me to , but I wasn 't stupid , neither . " I 'll stay with him , " I called to her , then turned back to lookin ' where we were goin ' . " Thank you ? " I took a step back away from him then and just looked at him . He was relaxed and had started to grin , and that grin on his face grew bigger than usual . And I did . I realized what he 'd done . I also realized I was talkin ' to him . And his grin . And that he was talkin ' to me . Maybe he wasn 't shy . Maybe he just didn 't talk too much . Sorta like me . " Well , she was being a bitch . She had no right to put you on the spot like that . Besides , I like the way you talk . " He stopped and I waited , but he started to go red . I was gonna ask why , but then remembered he 'd saved me from total embarrassment . Humiliation , really . He was clearly embarrassed now , and I wasn 't about to add to that after what he 'd done for me . " I don 't know , but maybe till just before the bell rings . She 'll be wondering about me , wondering if she should call the nurse , and I don 't want her doing that . The bell 's about to ring anyway . Why don 't we go back and wait outside the door ? Then , after everyone 's gone , we can go talk to her . " That didn 't sound right to me . He 'd said he wanted to talk to her . Now he said he 'd think of something . I figured it out pretty quick : he didn 't want to tell me . Okay . I could deal with that . I 'd know in a couple of minutes anyhow . We left the bathroom and walked down the hall together , neither of us sayin ' anythin ' . Once I turned to look at him . He felt it , I guess , ' cause he turned too , and grinned . We got to the door just as the bell rang . We stopped , and the kids all came pourin ' out . Most of them looked at us but no one stopped . They had their last class comin ' up and had to scoot . We only had a bit of time between classes . You couldn 't be dawdlin ' . When they was gone , we went in . Michael was in front . He walked right up to Miss Bonner . I did too , but was sorta hangin ' back as well . Behind Michael . Now don 't get the wrong idea here . I 'm not shy , and I weren 't afraid of her . He was just in front , that 's all . " Yeah , that was close , but I 'm okay . Thanks for letting me go like that . It wouldn 't have been good for anyone if I 'd waited . " I couldn 't see what his face looked like , but I could see hers . I was some surprised by what he said , and could imagine all sorts of things she might say back , and all sorts of expressions on her face . I couldn 't , though , imagine the one I did see . She looked at him , then at me , and blushed , and looked , well , apologetic . " Oh , Paul . I 'm so sorry . " That 's what she said . She really said that . I sorta stepped out from behind Michael so I could hear better . " I forgot all about what you must be feeling . I just got caught up in trying to help a little , and then it was too late . I wasn 't helping at all . I 'm really sorry . I won 't do that again . " " Huh ? " Okay , that wasn 't the smartest thing to say , but I was just about stunned there . I didn 't know what to say . Michael saved me . Again . " Miss Bonner , I was thinking maybe I could work with Paul , after school maybe . Maybe he could come over to my house , or I could get a ride to his . I like the way he talks , but I know what you want . He 's real smart and if I work with him , I think he can do better . You think that might be okay ? But either way , it isn 't good to say things to him in class about it . " " No , you 're right about that . I was wrong , and I do apologize , Paul . I think that is a great idea you have , to work with him Michael . Thank you . " " Of course . " And she wrote one out for each of us . We got them and left the classroom together . Outside , we walked away from her door so no one could hear us . We were in the empty hall , just the two of us . " What was all that about you helpin ' me ? I don 't need any help . There 's nuthin ' wrong with me ! " That might have sounded like I was mad . Well , I guess I was a little mad , but only a little . Mostly I was confused . I weren 't sure what had just happened . He thought for a moment or two , then asked , " Does your late slip say the same as mine ? Mine doesn 't give any time or anything , just asks my teacher to excuse me because she held me up . Yours probably says the same thing . " I looked at him like a fool . I seemed to be doing that a lot lately . I was beginning to think he was maybe a little smarter than I was . " Just looking for an empty classroom where we can talk . " He was lookin ' in windows as we passed each door . He finally found what he wanted and tried the doorknob . It turned , and pretty quick we were inside . He shut the door . He started to say somethin ' , then stopped . He did that a couple of times . He spent some time lookin ' down at the desk he was sittin ' at , too . When he finally did speak , he said , " This is hard . I didn 't realize it would be this hard . But it is . But if I don 't say it , I 'll go crazy . I hope you 're not mad at me . And won 't be . It 's just , well . . . . " He stopped then and studied that desk some more . His face was sorta red and I thought he was embarrassed . I didn 't know why . Embarrassed or not , grinnin ' or not , he was still real cute , and sittin ' here alone with him , I felt real good . I was all over my anger . " Paul - " He stopped , and then , kinda desperately said , all in a rush , " Paul , I 've seen you looking at me . I wondered why . Most of the farm kids don 't like us town kids much , and at first , I was a little worried maybe you didn 't like me at all and maybe were thinking of doing something about that . But you seemed to keep looking , and you didn 't look mad or anything . So I started sorta looking back , and after a while , I kinda liked looking at you , which is funny because I 'd never looked at another boy like I was looking at you . Before . I mean . " He stopped then . He 'd been talkin ' mostly to the desk , and what he 'd said he 'd sorta blurted out , like if he stopped he might not get it said , but when he finished he dared raise his eyes . He raised them then and looked square at me , prob ' ly wantin ' to know how I was takin ' this . He evidently didn 't see anythin ' that bothered him much because he seemed to take a breath and went on . " It 's scary talking to you like this , but I 've been thinking about you a lot , and wondering why you were looking at me , and I sort of got the idea I might know why . And it 's been driving me a little crazy , too , because as much as you 've been looking , and I 've been looking , neither of us have really been , like , doing anything but looking . " He stopped then , and looked at me again , and then said , " Maybe I 'm all wrong about this . If I am , I 'm really sorry . But I thought maybe , just maybe , you were thinking the same things I was thinking , and if so , I , well , I sort of wanted you to know what I was thinking . " There was silence then . It went on a bit . He 'd look down , then look up again , then down . Surprisin ' ly , I seemed to be doing the same thing . Occasionally , our eyes would meet , and then we 'd both sorta blush a little and both look down again . No , I couldn 't . Didn 't want to . Liked just thinkin ' about what he 'd said . I could think about that for a long time . I liked what he 'd said , and a lot , too . And I wanted more time to think about it . To digest it . But I realized , he must be wonderin ' how I felt about what he 'd said , and I owed him to tell him . " Uh , Michael . It 's sorta embarrassin ' . But yeah , you 've been brave enough . I guess I can be . I noticed you . I mean , I 've knowed you for a long time , just as you 've knowed me . I don 't know quite how to talk about it . But I started looking at you for no reason I can explain , then found I couldn 't really stop looking at you . And then realized I didn 't want to stop . But I knew I should , and then that day I knowed you 'd seen me looking , I had to do something , so I walked away , into the school . And you followed me . I didn 't know what to do so stopped at that locker , and you know what happened then . " Well , when you laughed , I should have got angry , and almost did , but then I laughed too , and the things I was feelin ' , well , I got to feelin ' them a lot more after that . And I spent some time thinkin ' about you too . But I couldn 't say anythin ' or do anythin ' and I don 't know how in the world you got the guts to say what you just did . Or do what you just did with Miss Bonner . You 're amazin ' ! " I was still looking away when he started talkin ' . " I got to thinking , that 's all , and I thought that what I said to her would give us a reason to be together , after school . I mean , if we needed one . You could tell your parents , and I could tell mine , that we needed to work together . I 'd have a reason to come to your house and you 'd have one to come to mine , and no one would be able to say no , and if there was any doubt , not that there would be , but if there was , they could call Miss Bonner and she 'd say yeah , we 'd talked to her about it and she was all for it . " " Oh , yeah . Yeah , I really do . Hey , Michael , I 'm not as dumb as I 've been soundin ' . It 's just a whole lot has happened here real fast , and I guess I 'm not as good with fast as you are . " I grinned at him then . Maybe my grin is pretty good too , ' cause I 'd swear I saw some movement in his crotch . Not that I was lookin ' at it at all . So that 's about how it happened that we started to get together . Can you believe he 'd never ridden a horse before ? He hadn 't . But I got him ridin ' . He got to know Rusty , too , and Rusty liked him . It might have been that sensin ' thing I talked about before , but Rusty isn 't always that good with strangers , and he took to Michael right away . By the time summer come around again , Michael and I were really good friends . After we 'd spent some time together , I 'd actually been a little awkward about sayin ' it , but had managed to ask him if he really would help me with my grammar and pronouncin ' . He 'd been really good about it , just like he was with everythin ' . He didn 't embarrass me or make me feel dumb and all . He said the best way might be to just tell me when I said somethin ' that maybe could be said better . And then when I said somethin ' wrong , he didn 't say anything like , " Hey , dumbass , you said , blah , and it should have been such and such . " No , instead he said , " Paul , you might want to try saying that this way , " and then suggested the right way . Sometimes he 'd even tell me why what I said was wrong and why a diff ' rent way was right . I 'm not dumb , I just spoke the way I heard everyone else around me speak . Michael was the first one who 'd ever spoken correctly around me . I listened and learned . It wasn 't that hard . I also asked him one time , ' cause it 'd been botherin ' me some . We were in his room . He was sprawled on his bed , lookin ' at me , and I was trying not to look at him too much because , well , even now that I knew him and we 'd more or less said we liked each other , it was still easy to get excited if I looked at him too much , and sprawled out like that I sort had to be careful it didn 't become too obvious just how much I liked him . So , to get my mind off ' n that , I brought up somethin ' I 'd been thinkin ' on for quite a spell . " Sure . " He was tired , and his voice showed it . We 'd been playing tag football with a bunch of his friends and both of us had been runnin ' a lot . " I don 't understand what happened that day when Miss Bonner was gettin ' on me for the way I pronounce things . When you pretended you were sick . When you spoke to her , after , I sorta felt like I was in a science fiction movie . None of that made any sense . It didn 't seem real . You told her she should apologize to me . I never heard a kid say that to a teacher . And then she did it . She apologized to me more ' n once even , and she meant it . I 've thought about that a lot , and still don 't get it . What happened there ? Why did you say that , and why did she apologize ? " Michael sat up then . He looked at me , then away . He always did that when he was thinking how to say somethin ' . He acted like he sometimes didn 't want to hurt my feelin 's . He thought some , then looked me right in the eyes . " I guess there was never any reason to . He 's on the town council . He 's a lawyer , but he 's also on the council . He tells Mom and me about stuff they discuss at their meetings . They talk about problems the town has , and what he thinks is the best way to handle them . " " Paul , one of the problems they talked about recently was that a lot of farm kids are dropping out of school before they graduate . They 're looking into why that happens . Dad says it 's tragic , because farm kids need an education just as much as town kids . Anyway , they talked , and had some people in who knew about this to talk to them . Well , it turns out , one of the reasons farm kids drop out is just what happened to you . They get put on the spot by teachers , and then other kids start teasing them for it , and these kids think to themselves , ' Why should I go through this ? I 'm going to be working on that farm the rest of my life , I don 't need to put up with this crap ! ' And so they drop out . That 's one of the reasons they do that . " And because of that , I know that the school administrators and town council had a big meeting , and the teachers were told how important it was not to put the farm kids in embarrassing positions . All kids had to be taught proper English , but they weren 't to be embarrassed for the way they talked . Miss Bonner is a new teacher , and I like her . She was trying to help you , Paul , but she forgot about that not embarrassing anyone rule . She was so sure she could get you to talk differently , her enthusiasm got in the way of seeing how you were reacting . " When she was doing that , and I could see you getting embarrassed , I thought about what my dad had said , about farm kids dropping out . And I got a little scared , because I thought you might want to do that . And I didn 't want you to . So I did what I did , but it was partly because I was selfish and didn 't want you not to be at that school with me . " There was a little more to it , too . When we went back to talk to her , I was also a little angry . I knew her intentions were good . I just was angry because she 'd hurt you , doing what she did . And I wanted her to think about that . I didn 't know if she 'd get angry with me or not , and I didn 't care . If she 'd gotten mad at me , I was going to get mad at her right back . I was a little surprised , too , that she was so apologetic , but she should have been . What she did to you was wrong . " At home that night , layin ' in bed before I fell asleep , I thought a lot about that . I thought about Miss Bonner , and about Michael , and about me , too . I decided I wasn 't going to drop out of school . I also decided I was going to learn to speak proper . Properly . I was going to get Michael to help me . So everthin ' with me and - . Damn . So everythin ' with Michael and me was fine . Really good , in fact . There was only one thing . One little thing . He slept over at my house some , and I slept at his . We both liked each other . That was real clear . But we both were also just , well , we didn 't really know how to get started with each other . I think we both wanted to , but if either of us thought about it , we never did talk about it . We were 13 and not at all sure of ourselves or even what we wanted . I could see in his eyes he wanted what I wanted . But it was sorta like when we didn 't know each other and would just look , then look away . Neither of us seemed to know what to do . At night when he was sleeping over at my place and we were out behind the barn , watching the stars and talking , leaning back against the old red boards and soaking up the night and each other 's presence , I 'd take his hand in mine . That was the most we 'd ever done . I know , that sounds like nuthin ' , but when you 're 13 and never have done nuthin ' and are sorta afraid to , even with wantin ' to so bad it hurts sometimes , it 's a lot . I know when I did it , my heart was really pumpin ' fast . So it might not sound like a lot , but it was . At least it seemed like it was to both of us . That did change , and what changed it was what I started talkin ' about , a long time ago it seems . Rusty changed it . Remember when I said a couple of times he changed my life , thinkin ' he was the boss of me ? Well , the first was when he took it into his mind to save my life . The second time was with Michael . It was summer , it was hot , and Michael and I - he told me I shouldn 't be sayin ' ' me and Michael , ' that sometimes it should be Michael and me , and sometimes Michael and I , and when to say it each way , and I 'd been tryin ' - were ridin ' . I was on Rusty of course , and he was on Ma 's horse , Lucy . He rode Lucy more ' n Ma did . They got along fine . Lucy was real gentle and Michael was gettin ' to be a pretty fair rider . I 'd been teachin ' him horse as much as he 'd been teachin ' me English . We were just slow walkin ' the horses , and Michael was complainin ' about the heat . Even the way he whined about things was cute , and I was sorta laughin ' , but what I was feelin ' that day , I don 't know , I was feelin ' like I really wanted Michael . I guess you coulda just said I was randy as a rabbit , but that isn 't exactly right either . But it were mostly true . I really , really wanted him . I wanted to kiss him . I wanted him to kiss me . And the need was pressin ' on me somethin ' fierce . More ' n usual , and that 's sayin ' somethin ' . It was so bad , so urgent , so necessary , that even Rusty could feel it . As I 've said , horses sense things humans can 't , and it was like he was on my wavelength that day , maybe ' cause I was feelin ' what I was feelin ' so strong . But I knew Rusty like he knew me , and just the way his muscles were ripplin ' under my butt and between my knees , I could tell he was gettin ' as agitated as I was . Watchin ' Michael that day , was , well , I can 't describe it , and randy doesn 't do it justice because it was my soul that wanted him as much as , well , as any other part of me . But as I was sayin ' , he was whinin ' about the heat , and I stopped thinkin ' about wantin ' him , and I got an idea . He 'd never been to the creek . " Don 't hafta . Follow me . " And I pushed Rusty up into a gallop . He loved runnin ' and I didn 't have to do more ' n push my pelvis forward and he was off . Michael had learned how to gallop without fallin ' off much , and he was right behind me . We got into the woods and slowed down , and then we were at the creek . It was just as pretty as the last time I 'd been here , and I realized I 'd missed it . I 'd been busy and it had been awhile . I dismounted and walked over to the creek , lettin ' Rusty 's reins drop . He came with me and got hisself a drink . Michael came over too and stood beside me . " Yeah , it is . I almost died here when I was seven . The water was movin ' fast and I sorta got swept up in it . Rusty came into the water and saved me . " " Yep . Without him , I 'd a been a gonner . But he was there for me . Weren 't you , boy ? " And I patted him on his sturdy neck . He nickered and nuzzled my cheek . I giggled . That always tickled when he did that . Michael was looking at us . Finally he looked away , and eventually said , " Too bad we didn 't bring suits . It does look great . And cool ! " " Suits ? What is it with you city boys ? Suits ! I 've been swimmin ' here all my life , Michael . Never once wore a suit ! " Now I 'd never seen him naked , nor him me . I 'd swum naked here so many times , it just came natural to me , to go swimmin ' you just got undressed , and I didn 't really give it a thought . All I was thinkin ' was gettin ' in that cool water . But I 'd just dropped my undies and had taken a step towards the water when it struck me what I was doin ' , where I was , who I was with , and I stopped and looked at Michael . He hadn 't moved . He 'd just watched me . He was still fully dressed , and his eyes were large and on me , but low on me . And his crotch was sticking out about as far as the denim would let it . Now this could have been really embarrassin ' . I mean it was , but it just didn 't last very long . He was lookin ' at me , and I was lookin ' at him , and we were both starting to turn red , when suddenly , out of nowhere , I felt this large hairy force in my back that pushed me right into Michael . Rusty had put his nose in my back and just shoved us together . Michael was standin ' on the edge of the creek , and I was pushed right into him , and he sorta naturally wrapped his arms around me , and then we were both in the water . It was about ten inches deep right there , and the bottom was soft mud , so he only got wet and muddy . I was on top of him , naked and laughing . He looked at me , surprised , and then there was that grin , and then he was kissing me , and I was kissing him . And that went on for a while , quite a while , and in the middle of it , I heard a loud whinny that sounded quite a bit like a laugh , but who was payin ' any mind at all to a silly old horse who prob ' ly saved us a whole summer which would have been wasted by not knowin ' how to do nuthin ' but be shy with each other ? That 's really all I have to say , except there 's one more thing I ought to write here . We both had English together in 9th grade , and Miss Bonner was teachin ' that class that year . When it was the first day , before class we walked up to her . " Michael ! Paul ! I 'm so happy to have you two again ! I thought about you two over the summer . And I 've been wondering . Did you do it ? Did you get together ? Paul , have you been working on things at all ? " I spoke right up to her . I said , " Miss Bonner , Michael 's been working with me and I 've been trying , and I think you 'll hear me speak just a little better this year . He told you I was smart . I don 't know about that , but I do know he is . He 's smarter than anybody , I think , and he 's a great teacher . We 'll be doing more working and studying together this year , mostly because I still need a lot of help . But I 'm pretty sure you can already hear a difference . " She was standing there and I 'm telling this truthfully : her mouth was hanging a little bit open . She looked shocked . " Paul ! " she said , and then , by god , she hugged me ! Right there in front of the class ! I got a little embarrassed , but I 'm not shy so it really didn 't bother me any . And Michael , with his own grin on his face , said , " Aw , twern 't nuthin , Miss B . I just been sorta hangin ' with Paul some , and I 'm guessin ' some a me just rubbed off on him a tad . ' Magine somthin ' like that happenin ' ! But , glad I were makin ' a diff ' rence , ma ' am . " I was out riding a couple of weeks later . Just Rusty and me , after school late in the afternoon . Michael was rehearsing for the school play . He 'd wanted me to go out for it too , and I 'd actually thought about it some , but decided I couldn 't . I 've been thinking about how I 've been saying I 'm not shy , and maybe I 've been fooling myself . Maybe I am , a little . I need to work on that , but trying to work on it in front of the entire school is too big a step . It would be a giant step , and baby ones might suit me better . I 've been working hard on my speech , and am doing better . If I can do that , I can probably do better about not being so shy , either . All it 'll take is some hard work . I know I can do it . I talked it over with Rusty . He agreed with me . He agreed about working on the shyness , and with not doing it by being in that play . So instead of rehearsing , I was riding . I might have enjoyed rehearsing . I know I would have liked spending that extra time with Michael . But I liked spending the extra time with Rusty , too . The way he was shaking his head and jigging , doing little dancing sidesteps now and then as we were walking through that pasture , the way he was nickering at me as I spoke to him , I knew he liked spending this extra time with me , too . And I did owe him some . My life , being with Michael like I now was : hell , I owed him everything . If you enjoyed reading this story , please let me know ! Authors thrive by the feedback they receive from readers . It 's easy : just click on the email link at the bottom of this page to send me a message . Say " Hi " and tell me what you think about Rusty . Thanks . This story and image are Copyright © 2014 by Cole Parker . They cannot be reproduced without express written consent . Codey 's World web site has written permission to publish this story . No other rights are granted . Disclaimer : All publicly recognizable characters , settings , etc . are the property of their respective owners . The original characters and plot are the property of the author . The author is in no way associated with the owners , creators , or producers of any media franchise . No copyright infringement is intended . This story may contain occasional references to minors who are or may be gay . If it were a movie , it would be rated PG ( in a more enlightened time it would be rated G ) . 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Daphne Chase rested her forehead on the window . The cadence of the bus , summed up with her low spirits , left her drowsy . She soon fell into a half awake , half asleep state of mind . She could hear her father telling stories , his tone of voice going up to emphasize certain words and build up climax , like an actor excitedly reciting a monologue . Her mother 's and brothers ' laughter completed the chorus . They were happy together . Happy without her . Daphne could hardly understand what her father was saying , and was eager to join her mother and brothers in praising his genius . A type of eagerness that was more out of obligation than genuine interest . Her father was Abelard Chase . The famous author , hero of his generation . She listened , and listened , and when she thought she had discerned the word ' ridiculous ' , she was pulled back from them with a jolt . The bus had stopped and the lights were on . It took a while for her eyes to adjust to that sudden brightness . She blinked , confused , and tried to pick up here and there bits of what her fellow passengers said . " This is ridiculous , " the man sitting next to her murmured to himself as he rummaged in his backpack . He found his cell phone and dialed a number , his fingers pressing each button with discontent . A quick glance at his wristwatch showed that it was almost 9 : 00 in the evening . When he started complaining on the phone that he would be late , Daphne 's attention shifted to the two women in the seats in front of her . " Maybe we should call a cab , " she heard one of them say . That was alarming . Why did we stop ? A little boy started crying . His screaming left her anxious . People got up to leave . They wanted to get outside , even though they hadn 't arrived in Middleton yet . That couldn 't be the stop . But , then , how could she know ? That was her first time traveling by bus to a different town . She was on her way to freedom . Confused , Daphne mechanically grabbed her backpack and stood up on the corridor waiting for the passengers to move . The line was long , the kid was waiDaphne heard the passengers ' cries at random intervals . They had taken different paths and cried out Andre 's name as loud as they could , but no cry was more powerful and distinct than Tammy 's , whose sorrowful intonation could be heard miles away . It was like a lioness in search of her cub . It was dark and cold in the woods , and the ground was uneven and slippery . Daphne felt awkward jumping over bushes and fallen logs , opening up space through branches . It was like being in a book . She had dreamed about leaving Lavinia and finally living a life that wasn 't tied to Abelard 's mercurial nature . Strangely , she felt uneasy there . Despite the way she felt , she had to help find Andre . She felt sick to her stomach just at the thought of him alone in the woods . He was so little and helpless . They continued walking until Daphne 's flash light died . She cursed as she in vain tried to turn it on again . Losing her only source of light gave her a strange sense of abandonment . A rustling noise to her left was so startling that it felt like all blood had drained from her body . Daphne stood there , frozen , squinting at the bushes . Moonlight went through the tree tops , producing pools of light here and there on the ground , but it wasn 't enough to let her see what lurked there . " Are you Okay ? " Ben asked . He was a little behind , and quickly approached Daphne holding his cell phone up . The bluish beam of light reflected on his light blond hair made him look ghostly . " Did you hear that ? " She whispered . " No . You heard something ? " He whispered back , alarmed , and pointed his cell phone 's light at a few directions . There were only trees . And a few annoyed owls perched on branches . Their amber eyes reflecting light back in a stern , don 't - point - that - thing - at - me look . " I - I think I did . " " What was it ? " He asked her , still holding his cell phone up . " I don 't know . " " Whatever it was , I don 't think it could have been an animal , " he said after a while . " Maybe one of the passengers was nearby . " " What makes you sWhen Daphne told Mr . Calisto that Andre Molina was on the bus , he was so overjoyed and relieved that he entered the woods screaming to the wind that the boy had been found . The other bus driver , a tall man with a large mustache , raised his hands to the sky . Daphne and Ben went back in the bus to talk with Andre , who was more and more aware of the commotion outside . He refused to leave the bus . " Am I in trouble ? " He asked Daphne and grabbed her hand the same way her brother Chris would have done to seek support . " I heard mommy screaming . Is she mad at me ? " " No , don 't worry . Your mother will be happy to see you , " Daphne assured him . " I wanted to fix the bus , " he said , his round , black eyes starting to tear up . It turned out that Andre Molina slipped away from his mother the moment she fell asleep and went back to the bus hoping he could fix it , like he fixed his toys at home . Everyone had been so distracted chatting , that they didn 't notice him walking away from Tammy . Once Andre realized he couldn 't fix the bus , he curled up under a seat and fell asleep . He did hear everyone shouting out his name , but was then too afraid he was in trouble . Daphne took him in her ams and carried him outside . The lollipop Ben gave him highly improved his confidence . Soon enough , the passengers walked out of the woods . One by one , they greeted Andre , surround Daphne and Ben in a close circle . They asked her over and over how and where she had found him , and even called her heroine of the day . All the time Ben proudly stood next to her . " I thought I had left my scarf on the bus and went back to pick it up , then I found him sleeping in the back , " Daphne told them , and prayed Andre wouldn 't mention he had seen her crying . " When I turned the lights off I didn 't see him . . . and all along he was hiding under a that seat ! " Mr . Calisto added , and scratched his head whenever he said the same rehearsed words . Daphne was telling the same lie for the twentieth time , when Tammy Molina finally arrived . Everyone quickly opeDaphne reached for a piece of paper in her pocket . Squinting her eyes , she read the words College Avenue on it . That 's where she would find McAdams College . She was nervous , and even scared . After taking a deep breath , she started to walk straight ahead on the hope to find College Avenue soon . " Daphne , wait ! " Ben yelled , startling her . She thought he had already left . She turned unwillingly . He went toward her with some difficulty as he hauled an exaggerated number of suitcases . She looked at him , puzzled , but soon realized what was going on when she noticed that Tammy Molina was a little behind him only carrying Andre , who was fast asleep in her arms . " Are you going to McAdams now ? " He asked Daphne , panting . Daphne looked from Tammy to Ben and felt a little uneasy . She rubbed her forehead abruptly and accidentally bumped her hand into her glasses , which almost fell , luckily stopping on the tip of her nose . " Yes . I am , " she said , and blushed . Ben smiled , and she felt terrible . " Do you want to go together ? " " Um . . . Sure . Why not ? " She lied . " Great , " Ben said with a smile . " Oh , and Tammy needed some help with her luggage . We 'll walk her to her house and then go to McAdams . If that 's not inconvenient , of course . " Why is he helping her ? It 's so late . Can 't she just go on her own ? " Sure ! " Daphne said and mentally kicked herself for accepting to go with them . She was tired , her legs were sore and her spirits were low . All she wanted at that moment was to get in bed and sleep . But Ben looked like he still wanted to apologize for what had happened in the woods between them , and she felt guilty . All she could do was to stay around him until her presence convinced him that , really , apologies were not necessary . Tammy turned to her as if looking at something very curious . Daphne stared at her shoes feeling awkward . " I don 't want to be a bother , " Tammy said , looking at Ben once again . Daphne thought that her tone was strangely melodious and somewhat raspy . It was too breathy , and every woDaphne 's first two weeks at college were the most confusing she had lived in her life . Firstly , meeting her roommate , a girl called April Smith , did not go as well as she had hoped it would . Secondly , she suffered throughout the ice - breaking activities tailored by her resident advisors during welcome week , and felt like an outsider in a world that highly praised sociability . Thirdly , when her classes started , she realized they would be more challenging than she had expected . Everything was overwhelming , though at times very enlightening . She had literary analysis and a class specifically on Shakespeare 's plays . She also had lessons on the major American and British authors , before lunch . In the afternoon , she devoted her time to world history , because she thought too much literature would depress her . Her professors , without distinction , were very inspiring and genuinely passionate about the courses they taught . Her academic adviser at McAdams , Dr . Lawrence Steinberg , actually was a published writer . He had published an epistolary novel titled Isadora that was becoming quite the sensation among the students on campus . Isadora was a 19 - year - old who had left her parents ' house upon their death to start a new life in a different town . Sadly , she became delusional . Her delusions - quite aggressive ones , which mostly involved shadows that whispered she was cursed - led to her own death by drowning . Right after the death of her boyfriend , Isadora was then truly convinced to be cursed . Her presence , she thought , was causing the death of her beloved ones . Desperate to stay away from everyone else she knew and had learned to love , she took her deceased boyfriend 's boat and sailed day and night , until she starved herself to death . During a storm , the ocean swallowed the boat and Isadora 's body vanished forever . Daphne , who had finished reading the book in just four days , from the very beginning regarded it as book she would never forget . She thought that if her father read it , he would have quite a different opinion onIt was getting dark , the front of the bars were already packed with loud students ready to forget academia and remember they were young and alive , but Daphne didn 't mind being occasionally harassed by drunk boys . As she walked back to Sampson Hall , Daphne didn 't have eyes to the world around her . She could only see the ink stains on her fingers . That was her mark . A writer 's mark ! She whispered to herself . Daphne brought food along with her to her room , so she wouldn 't need to go to the cafeteria and end up having to eat surrounded by so many excited voices . Dinner in the cafeteria felt like such a sad idea . The place would be crowded , all tables taken by talkative groups of friends , and Daphne would be walking around looking like a lost puppy as she tried to find a seat . She barely knew other students and could not bring herself to try joining their tables . Her solution was to buy a sandwich - something that wouldn 't make the entire room smell like food and wouldn 't irritate April 's delicate nostrils - and eat it alone . She ate happily , for April was already gone to help organize Michelle 's birthday party , and quite enjoyed herself and the feeling of being enveloped by silence . She almost felt as if she was alone in the world . . . that is , until someone anxiously knocked on her door . Daphne instinctively thought that April had forgotten her keys and was locked out , but she soon remembered forgetting her keys wasn 't something April would do . April was always very careful to avoid embarrassing social circumstances . She stayed still and held her breath as the knocking continued . She heard a deep sigh , and recognized the voice . It was Ben 's . She then heard the sound of something heavy dropping on the floor , and then the noise of shuffling paper . After a few minutes in suspense , she was startled when a sheet of paper slid from the crack under her door into her room . The next noise was of someone walking away briskly . When Daphne felt safe again , she reached for the sheet of paper . " I need to talk with you , " sDaphne slipped in and out of strange dreams for what felt like an eternity , all of them involving voices that whispered her name . When she finally woke up , she realized it was already nighttime . She stood up with a jolt , and felt her heart pounding in her chest as panic shadowed her reason . Confused , at first she forgot where she was and was then terrified that she had completely lost herself in that dark place . But , when her eyes started to get used to seeing in the dark , she noticed the trees around her , the starry sky up there and a bright moon watching over her . I 'm still in the woods , she thought . Daphne felt queasy and light - headed when she started to remember everything that had happened to her . She was melancholy , and too tired - even though she had slept there for so many hours - to go looking for the way out of the woods . And why , after all , would she want to leave the only environment where up until then she had found safety and quietness ? A white owl flew from a nearby tree branch to another , and she wished she was an owl or some other bird , so she could stay unperturbed , protected , and in communion with nature . Ready to make of that place her own little kingdom , Daphne climbed up a tree with some difficulty and sat on a branch by the owl , which eyed her with indifference , its big amber colored eyes glistening in the moonlight . " Don 't worry , I won 't bother you . But , if you want to be kind to your new Queen , bringing me pen and paper would make you the loveliest of my subjects . Do you know , also , where I could get food here ? Though not the type you eat . Not those poor little rodents you catch . I 'm talking about fruit , and vegetables , and - well , whatever grow in these woods that is edible by humans . Oh , and water , too , because I need to drink water every day and I need to wash my body too , and my glasses , because the lenses get dirty too and it 's really difficult to see when they are like that . Do you think you could fetch me some water now ? " Daphne would have continued talking , but the owl sA month later , in mid - October , Daphne 's novel still wasn 't flowing . In fact , it hasn 't begun . But , still , she kept going to The Sphinx , where she could at least do her homework . Marie had turned into a great friend , into a maternal figure in Daphne 's new life . She respected Marie 's wisdom , and although it required a lot of patient to hear Marie 's constant admonitions , Daphne knew that all her friend did was to protect her . She was always encouraging Daphne to be happy , since she could not understand how a young girl like her could be happy with no friends who were her age , without youth in her life . Their growing friendship also allowed Daphne to know more about Marie 's son . Although it was strange he left his mother and friends behind , he kept in contact with them . Daphne had seen Marie , at least , receiving letters from him a few times . Now and then she read a letter out loud for Daphne . My dear mother , I wish you were here to join this universe I 've turned into my house . Here , there is freedom of thought , freedom of speech and freedom to cry and sing . They told me you 're welcome to join us . Would you believe that they also learned to call me Gitan ? Love , - your Èmile . Although he often spoke of a place he had learned to cherish and love , he never said where he was . Daphne wondered where the boy could be , and even Marie could not precise . His letters were often brought by strangers , visitors , passersby going through Middleton , people who did not seem interested in talking , explaining , or giving more than they had to offer . Marie had learned to respect the conditions of their communication , and wrote back to him whenever he indicated in his letter that the messenger would be taking letters back to him . " I am sure you wouldn 't look so sad if you were just like my Gitan , " Marie said out of a sudden on a dull afternoon without customers , as Daphne tried to write . " He was always surrounded by youth ! " " Believe me , I spend the day surrounded by youth , " Daphne replied . " It is everywhere and I am tired o ' Oh , Daphne , don 't worry . You 'll get your novel done . You know what you 're doing . But what I meant is that I feel there 's something out there waiting for you . Something , perhaps , that has to do with writing , but will help you achieve something else , ' Marie explained . " " I am not sure I agree with you , " Daphne said and stood up to leave . She did not want to hurt Marie 's feelings , but leaving would be a way to keep herself from doing so . " Please , forget what I said ! " Marie said . " Simply follow your heart . That 's all you should do . " " Oh , I 'm fine , don 't worry , " Daphne said . She was caught off guard by Marie 's pleading tone . " I 'm leaving just because it 's getting late and I should go back to McAdams . " Marie sighed . " I just want you to be happy , that 's all . There 's a lot more out there that I feel you 're missing . " " I know . Don 't worry , I 'll be fine , " Daphne said , quickly , and after hugging Marie , left The Sphinx . As Daphne walked back to McAdams , although she tried to distract her mind with other thoughts , she couldn 't help thinking about everything that Marie had said to her . She felt a little guilty for leaving abruptly , but it was better than staying and end up offending her with a snappy reply . What was she thinking ? Did she want Daphne to start going to the many parties on campus that she deeply disliked ? What could she learn from social situations that displeased her ? Did she want her to simply forget her goals , to stop writing at all , and to live the reckless life that today 's youth seemed to praise ? Thank you , Marie , for giving your opinion , but I 'm not interested in changing my lifestyle . Daphne had just entered the road that led to Sampson Hall when , to her surprise , she noticed a familiar figure seating on a bench nearby . When she saw her , Daphne instinctively hid behind a tree . What could Tammy Molina possibly be doing here ? She wondered whether she should remain hiding or continue walking to her dorm . If she stayed hiding behind that tree , she felt she would be confirming ' I heard you don 't have a cell phone , so I thought I should just wait for you . ' " Daphne did , but she strategically dropped it in front of her house on the way to the bus station the day she moved to Middleton . " Ben told you I live here ? " " Yes , he did , " Tammy said , and quickly changed the subject . " Is there a place where we could talk privately ? " She asked . Tammy was increasingly gaining control over the situation and more and more resembled the powerful woman she had looked like , once Andre was back , when Daphne met her . Daphne , on the other hand , felt as if a vortex of strong emotions was taking over her . She didn 't know what was more capable of distressing her : whether she was intimidated by Tammy or whether Ben still found ways in her life . " My room , perhaps ? " Daphne suggested . Their midterm exams were approaching and Daphne then remembered that April had been studying and furiously trying to speak all the Italian she had not practiced in a month . From morning to evening whenever Daphne was in her room all she heard was buongiorno , some sobbed non posso , and a high dose of questa cosa è ridicola until April started crying and stormed away . " No , actually , not in my room , " Daphne corrected herself , " my roommate is studying for her midterms . " Tammy looked around , trying to think of a place where they could talk . As she thought , Tammy unconsciously bit her lower lip . When a drop of blood sprung without her noticing it , she looked at Daphne again . " Yeah , I don 't think there 's privacy anywhere in a small school like McAdams , " she said and was a bit impatient . " Do you mind going to my house , then ? " " Your house ? " Daphne said , surprised . " Yes . Do you have a problem with that ? " Daphne promptly said that there was no problem at all . " I will study for my midterms later , then , " she added quickly . Tammy blinked , indifferent , and with a little gesture indicated which way they should go . The walk to Tammy 's house felt like it was the longest in Daphne 's life . Past the nervou ' ' " " Okay . " Daphne followed Tammy . The lights were on upstairs , but they were so weak that the corridors were poorly lit . All doors were closed . The sound of rain up there , Daphne also noticed , was very distant , almost inexistent . Daphne thought that the whole house seemed to be strangely asleep , sad in that muffled environment . Tammy walked to a door . It had a small number 5 painted on it . She opened it with a large , old key that she took from her pocket and let Daphne in . Tammy 's room was simple . Very simple , actually , and it did not look like the style Daphne was expecting to find . There was something very elegant , something that closely resembled the manners of royalty , in the way Tammy talked . Even when she was aggressive , even when she was inattentive , Tammy knew how to naturally behave as if she was above everyone else around her . Daphne had thought she would find pomp and an exquisite taste , but surprisingly encountered simplicity . She didn 't know what to make of these discrepancies . By the right wall , there was an old looking small , dark wardrobe , and on the opposite side there was a desk with many sheets of paper and what seemed to be old sketches on it . Maybe that cloudy afternoon was to blame , even though Tammy had turned the lights on , but Daphne thought that her room was equally sad compared to the rest of the house . Tammy pulled a chair to Daphne and sat on the bed , facing her . Daphne couldn 't help thinking that in that room Tammy looked like a mere guest . Her personality was in nothing , except perhaps in the dusty drawings placed on the neglected looking desk behind Daphne , or maybe in the red sweater on her unmade bed . " So ? You wanted to talk with me ? " Daphne asked and her voice sounded a little hoarse . " Abelard Chase called us , " Tammy said calmly . " What ? My - my father called you ? Why would he call you ? " Daphne said , and felt that her heart beat was getting increasingly faster . " He asked us to book a room for you here . He said that a rustic inn in a small town like MidDaphne walked toward her desk and picked up the fountain pen her father had sent to her . She tried to write her book , but no words occurred to her . For so many days , Daphne had sat in The Sphinx and contemplated her notebook with that nauseating writer 's block making her stomach sink . In those days , despite how difficult writing felt , she thought there still was hope for her . Now , trying to be productive on her first morning in the inn , she was on the verge of desperation . " How can I concentrate on writing with all this going on ? " She murmured after she heard laughter coming from downstairs . The night before , she had heard the other guests ' excitement during dinner , which she gladly skipped under the pretext to get all her unpacking done , even though she was more than finished . After ten minutes stuck by her door , unable to step in the corridor to go join them downstairs , she was then certain she wasn 't ready for meeting anyone , at least for the moment . This morning , the inn had gathered again for breakfast . She could heard their laughter , the sound of plates being placed at the table , and their footsteps made the floor boards creak . The whole house , in fact , creaked like it was about to fall apart , and Daphne was almost certain that now and then she caught her walls swaying . She was hungry , and dizzy from hunger , and a little moody too . She sighed audibly , for only solitary people could sigh that way without worrying that others would be around to inquire what the problem was . Another explosion of laughter coming from the dining room distracted her . She couldn 't help thinking that Ben and Caleb could be there laughing with them . Since she had heard from Jane that they lived in the inn , she was in constant fear of walking out her bedroom and running into them . She still didn 't know how to react in case she met them again after everything that had happened . " I need to be more focused and disciplined , " she muttered , trying to shake her worries away , and was about to finally write the first word of the day , When Daphne 's life looked like it would be the most miserable there ever was , the wind surprisingly started favoring her . During her first weeks at the Franks ' Inn , she dreaded meeting Caleb , Ben , or even stumbling upon Tammy , but the three of them were most of the time absent when she was around . Jane , who only held a grudge against her sister , soon turned into the friendliest person again and forgot the little incident with Daphne . In fact , she was not only friendly , but on the way to becoming a great ally . It was from Jane that Daphne learned how to avoid unfortunate encounters with the people who bothered her . She knew when Tammy went out to paint in the woods , when Ben and Caleb were gone for their classes at McAdams , and the days they often went out together , always the three of them , because they were now inseparable . Another person , Jesse Morier , was gradually proving to be just as friendly . Contrary to Jane , he didn 't clearly know Daphne had an aversion to meeting certain people at the inn , but he sensed her uneasiness at times and did everything to entertain her by chattering sad days away with his funny childhood stories . Jesse got in trouble many times in his hometown for his impulsiveness . Strangely , he had an intact good humor for someone who had been yelled at so many times for so many different reasons . In fact , Daphne learned he lost many friends due to his explosive temper . Daphne liked talking with him , even though they were so different , because he always ended their conversation with a word of encouragement . " Be brave , Daphne , " he often said to her . " Never let anyone step on you . " Even Creativity took a break from insisting on an agreement between them , and was at the moment gone from his spot by the lamppost . Daphne suspected , though , that he wasn 't just gone . He probably was , she thought , in the woods - and from there she would stay at a distance . Things would change only if something out of the ordinary came up to mess up her careful strategy to keep away from trouble . On a SaturThe next morning Daphne woke up to the sound of insistent knocks on her door . She wanted to talk with nobody , at least not without emotionally preparing herself not to burst into tears at the slightest sign of tension . Daphne , then , pretended to still be asleep . As expected , the door opened and Daphne heard Jane 's voice calling her name . Even though it was Jane , Daphne continued motionless . Although Jane was one of the few who treated her kindly , Daphne didn 't want to speak with her . She knew that the girl was of the opinion that no one should take Caleb 's words in consideration , and that morning Daphne didn 't feel inclined to be obsequious to her friend . No , Caleb Deheeger did not deserve forgiveness . He would always be a tyrant , no matter what people said to try to change her opinion of him . " Are you asleep ? " Jane insisted , but Daphne did not respond . After an audible sigh , Jane left . Daphne stayed under her blanket for a few minutes . When the hallway was silent , she got out of bed and sat at her desk to write . But that morning she wasn 't feeling particularly inspired . It was extraordinary to think of how life had changed in such short amount of time . A few months ago , disregarding the headaches caused by her father 's eccentricities , she felt that she lived in tranquility . Since she moved to Middleton , she thought that her life had turned upside down . Strangely , the more she tried to go unnoticed by everyone around her , the more they saw her . The most upsetting thing at the moment , however , was to imagine that after what had happened the night before no one would leave her alone . Caleb would certainly continue to insult her , Jane and even Jesse would end up developing a sticky kind of friendship for fear that she was a vulnerable prey at the inn , Tammy had more to feed the dislike she felt for Daphne , and Ben , of course , was marked to become a great disappointment as he always followed his girlfriend . Staying locked in her bedroom felt like the best option to avoid getting into more trouble . Around 11 AM , JWhen Daphne opened her eyes , she found herself in bed at a place she didn 't recognize . She quickly sat up , but a hand touched her shoulder to keep her from getting more agitated . " Thank God , you 're awake . Daphne , chérie , what happened ? You passed out in my arms , " Marie asked , and gently offered her a pill and a glass of water . " Aspirin . You have a fever , " she added . Still confused , Daphne took the pill . Only when water touched her lips she realized how dry her throat was . " What happened ? " Marie insisted , observing her with an anxious look . " Your ankle is swollen . You have bruises on your arms , and cuts on your legs . What happened ? " Daphne had a headache and the rest of her body felt sore . She handed the glass of water back to Marie and pushed away the many blankets she had over her . " I changed your clothes , because yours were soaked . I hope you don 't mind , " Marie told her , and Daphne only then noticed she was wearing one of Marie 's dresses . " How long have I been here ? " Daphne asked , and looked around to familiarize herself with the environment , which could only be Marie 's place . " Not too long , " Marie said . " This is where I live . We 're right above The Sphinx . My apartment is above the bookstore , remember ? " " Yes , yes , " Daphne said in a weak voice . She felt , though , as if she had been there for a longer period . " Are you all right ? " Daphne wasn 't . In fact , she felt very drowsy and her body was too warm . Boiling , actually . But there wasn 't time for discussing her symptoms . " Can I stay here ? " Daphne asked her out of a sudden . Marie couldn 't help letting her surprise show , but nodded vehemently . " Of course . And I wouldn 't want you walking outside in the rain right now . " " No , you don 't understand . Can I live with you ? " " Live with me ? Live here ? " " I promise I 'll be good . I 'll help you with everything . I swear you 'll barely notice I 'm here . I can 't cook , but I can clean , and I can take care of the bookstore . I have two younger brothers and I always took care of theWhen Daphne overheard Ben 's voice coming from the dining room , her heart skipped a beat and a warm rush went through her body . It was an inner feeling , something deep inside her that made her happy and excited , and very nervous too . She felt so excited , that she deliberately left Mrs . Frank and Marie talking in the living room , without an explanation on where she was going to go , and went down the corridor hypnotized by the boy 's voice . Daphne was about to enter the dining room , when someone grabbed her arm and pulled her back so violently that her shoulder made a cracking noise . " What the - , " Daphne said , but a hand quickly covered her mouth and shoved her to the side , keeping her back close to the wall as he , a tall , hooded figure , nervously looked over his shoulder a few times to make sure she had not attracted attention to them . Chattering in the living room and dining room continued normally . Daphne was so startled that she wanted to cry for help , but remained quiet . She couldn 't help feeling , despite the events last Sunday , that it would be the silliest thing to cry for help in a house full of people . The hooded person gestured for her to stay silent . She tried to remain calm , and blinked a few times to show that she was cooperating . Cautiously , he uncovered her mouth and stepped back . He was wearing a black hoodie , which kept his face shadowed , and huge sunglasses that made his nose look strangely small for his face . " I need to talk with you , " he said in a whisper , finally breaking the silence . Although surprised and curious , she felt unable to say a thing . " Disappointing , " he said , still whispering , and sighed . " I was starting to get used to that side of you that speaks up , that is brave and loud , that slaps now and then . " Daphne then recognized his voice , and thought of Apollo , who always borrowed Caleb 's voice to speak with her . But , observing her own physical reaction , she decided to trust her instincts that she in fact was dealing with the real owner of that voice . Her heart was raciDaphne left Marie 's apartment feeling a little strange . Apollo was nowhere , but the memory of his threat left her uneasy for leaving her friend 's side . There was , however , also Ben to protect , which she couldn 't do from the bookstore . The problem , however , was that she didn 't know what to say to make him stronger against Apollo 's influence . Going to the town 's Halloween party with Jane was the only good excuse she could come up with to approach him after so many days estranged . She needed to keep him in Middleton at all costs . She had misjudged him , but now wanted him back . She thought he was a good friend , when she ignored that attempted kiss , and had decided to comply with the natural course of things that from the very beginning screamed that Benjamin Wallace and Daphne Chase should be together . Together . . . somehow . Her mouth fell open when she stepped out of the bookstore . Not even the small painted Sphinx 's laughter distracted her this time . After everything that happened , that disconcerting phenomenon had been the last bit of magic , if that was the right word , that had remained in her world of creative reverie . The clouds and her wings were still gone . Many lights covered the facades of houses and establishments . Everything , from sidewalks to trees , from trees to chimneys , was covered with small purple , blue , orange and red lights . Lights here and there also formed the silhouette of pumpkins that smiled in that creepily enticing manner . And ropes - even ropes ! - were tied from lamppost to lamppost , from them hanging little bats and skulls that spun with outstretched arms . It was magnificent . Everything had a little bit of Halloween . Except for The Sphinx . Daphne thought of going back inside to ask Marie to come downstairs . She thought that all those lights , such pretty lights , would warm her friend 's heart despite her dislike of the date . She had just opened the door , when a figure glided to her without her noticing and touched her shoulder . She gasped , her hands instinctively covering her mouth . StanWhen Daphne woke up , she realized she had fallen asleep again with her forehead resting on her notebook , like the perfect stereotype of a studious student . But there was nobody there to tell her she was overexerting herself with too many all - nighters , nobody to feel proud in a guilty sort of way of her being a hard - worker . For the past weeks , she shut herself in her bedroom at the Franks ' Inn and worked on her book from the moment she got back from McAdams College to dawn . Nobody dared to interrupt her for as long as she kept the sign Mr . Frank had given her hanging from her doorknob . Do not disturb , it said , and unperturbed her days went from November , when she returned to the inn , onward . Although she religiously kept that sign when writing , it wasn 't like her neighbors wanted to approach her . On the day Marie and Ben left , she became closed to the world outside her , and went about her day oblivious to everything and everyone around her . Mr . and Mrs . Frank soon learned to let her be , and didn 't insist on her coming to have meals with them . She occasionally showed up for dinner , and they contented themselves with those few surprising moments . Jane , past her shock at losing Marie and Ben , was way more attached to her grandparents - more than she already was - and didn 't like wasting time with others when she could simply focus on her family . It was clear that she was afraid of losing them too . The few conversations she had had with Daphne were out of politeness , somewhat mechanical , and always quick . . . which , of course , Daphne didn 't see as a problem . Since Tammy had left , Daphne couldn 't help feeling guilty around Jane . It was better , although it broke Daphne 's heart to see her melancholy , for the girl to keep her distance . Jesse was gone . He fled a week after Ben did . Daphne didn 't know what his reasons had been , but it wasn 't hard to picture what was going on in his mind when he found himself having to live under the same roof with her and Caleb . She had seen him on the McAdams campus , now and then , alwaDaphne 's hand froze only a few inches from the telephone in the Franks ' office . She had been stalking it , peeking at it for two weeks now , whenever she found the door ajar on the way to the dining room . Since the day Tammy left , for a reason she couldn 't understand , her father was in her thoughts . And not only him . But also her mother and her brothers . And even her deceased grandmother . She missed them all . And felt a pang whenever she thought about them . But she couldn 't call them . She couldn 't call home and hear Abelard ask in his half mocking , half drunken voice , " how is your writing ? " She had not finished her book . She had no complete project to show him she had been right in coming to college . If she called him with her hands empty , she was going to be to him - although she felt different - the same Daphne who had left his house months ago . She sat down in the office , still staring at the telephone , feeling a little queasy . It was difficult to fight the urge to call them . The must - call - them - now stage went from feeling excited by the door as she peeked in the room , then bravery kicked in and she ran to the desk certain she should dial her home phone number . But , before she could reach the telephone , a freezing cold wind would stop her hand in midair and she would remain staring at the numbers , like a statue , until the strength in her legs gave in and she dropped in the chair feeling as nauseous as when she had to give a presentation in front of her classroom . It hadn 't been different today . Except for . . . except for a hollowness she had not felt in past occasions . Perhaps the small Christmas tree on the desk , which had not been there yesterday , Daphne was sure , triggered something different in her . It would be Christmas in just five days and she still had not talked with her family since the day she left home . Worse than that , her family hadn 't tried to contact her since she had left them . How could they not have called her ? There was no way they could have known she didn 't want to talk with them . Th |
We spent most of the day getting to an urgent care an hour away from the resort . Nick was up most of the night . His cough sounds scary , but it didn 't quite reach into my gut and twist . It 's getting worse though . The hardest part was that we waited for a hours in the back of a drug store to get to see a doctor . The good part was that the doctor seemed to know what he was about when it came to viral - induced asthma . Oh , this isn 't what we had in mind when we came here , but we didn 't really have a plan for the day , so nothing was seriously spoiled . We found things to do while we waited in the chairs at the back of the drug store . Mike and I took turns shopping for little things while the other kept Nick company . Mike bought a bag of Combos , some Hawaiian chips , and two cans of Pringles . I bought a bottle of nail polish , proud that I 'd held out from buying the twenty dollar bottle of a color I didn 't like from the spa earlier . I was tempted to paint my nails while Nick played with my iPhone . I knew that the minute I got polish on a nail , Nick 's turn would come up and I 'd smudge it . I 'd nearly forgotten about what a pain it was to set aside a time to paint my nails only to have the phone ring and smear a nail trying to answer it or to have to pee and wrangle with a zipper . While Mike went to get something to eat and stop at the Starbucks for me , Nick got bored with the games on my iPhone , so I asked him if he could make the Vulcan sign for ' Live long and prosper . ' Piece of cake . Then , I told him to put his ring and middle finger together and separate his pinkie and index fingers to make a ' W . ' Still not too hard . I told him to go back and forth between them . Not as easy . Nick could do it , but his hand was shaking with the effort . About that time , Mike got back with a mocha . Nice . Mike got it down after a couple of tries . Good eye - hand coordination from all those video games . Next was to see the hot dog in space . I told them to look at me steadily and to point their index fingers at each other in front of their eyes , then to bring them together slowly until they could see the hot dog floating out in space . That made them laugh . Good one . I asked Nick if he could bend the last joint on one of his fingers without bending any of the rest . I 'm not sure either of them could manage that one . These are the things I learned to keep myself occupied while I waited for a doctor 's appointment . Invaluable , aren 't they ? In the evening , Mike and I walked out onto the rocks by the beach while Nick watched a movie . Actually , they weren 't rocks . It was a single rock , lava rock that looked as though it could impale you if you slipped where it met with the water . There was motion written into it , swirls , spikes , bubbles that had burst and frozen that way . It was hard to walk on and I felt as though it cut up the soles of my shoes . How old was this rock ? Not that old , in rock time , I would guess . It wasn 't worn down all that much . How long before this rock was worn down to look like an ordinary rock ? Infinity . Tonight , the tropical storm is supposed to hit . It 's been downgraded . The wind is only going to blow 25 to 30 miles per hour , much less than the gusts to 50 mikes per hour that they originally predicted . I 'm sitting on the lanai , or terrace . I wish you could see the round blue pool below me and feel the drops of rain that constitute the worst of the storm so far . The rain is only on my feet since half of the lanai is covered . I wish you could hear the roar of the surf , louder than it was yesterday when we arrived . It 's warm out , warm and damp . Given half a chance , I could fall asleep here , the surf sounds lulling me and drowning out the voices of other people doing what I 'm doing , only louder . I had a glass of wine tonight . We bought it from the little grocery store in the hotel along with other snacks and subdries . The cashier said he was going to play in the mud tomorrow . He was excited about the storm , happy to be off from work on a warm rainy day . It 's a good idea , I thought , to find some muddy hills and slide down them . There 's that problem with decorum again , but I figure if a cashier at a fancy hotel could admit to wanting to slide down muddy hills , so could I . I can feel the effects of the tiny glass of wine . Oh , I could gave had more , but I didn 't . It was enough , just enough for a downgraded adventure . Thank you for listening , jb Well , we were upgraded to a villa . We 're guessing that there were cancellations because of tropical storm , Flossie . I 'm hunkered down on the terrace . It 's raining . There are people on the beach and in the pool . I like these people . Why worry when you 're wet anyway ? Can you think of a more beautiful place to get stuck in a storm ? I 'd be out there now , but its only 8 : 30 am and Nick is still asleep . The poor boy has a cold , but it didn 't stop him from snorkeling in the dark last night . That was a good one for his list of experiences , wasn 't it ? Snorkeling in the dark . I only made him come in because Mike was probably back from the store and I was hungry . We 're not sure , but we don 't think there 's room service in a villa . Yesterday , when we were discussing that , Nick said , " We are so spoiled . " We are , aren 't we ? And this storm ? It 's an adventure . Thank you for listening , jb Okay , so you know how I 've described my life as a comedy ? As always , it continues . On Monday , we 're going to live through a cyclone , Flossie . Yup , a cyclone . Mike is upset . He was also disappointed the hotel wasn 't closer to the beach . It 's one block away . No matter . We 're headed out of the city to a more remote resort this afternoon after we see Pearl Harbor anyway . But Mike wanted it to be closer . Oh , I get it . he was planning the perfect vacation and stuff started to interfere . Flossie . Plus , Nick has a cold , though that didn 't stop the boy from lying face down in the water for two and a half hours with a snorkel on his face yesterday , finding bits of broken sea shells , pebbles , and coral for me . I 'm only worried that we might not be able to go kayaking . Can you imagine ? Glass - bottom kayaks in a cyclone ? To tell you the truth , I 'm happy just being here . It 's not my plan , see . It 's Mike 's . I remember that I was aggravated that my plan was messed up when we were in Ireland , sleeping in a castle , and Mike caught a cold and missed out on the best chocolate croissants of his life . That was not fair . Not fair at all . So I can understand Mike 's disappointment that Flossie has insinuated herself into our trip . I 'm back out on my terrace . The surfers are out . It 's only 6 : 10 am . They didn 't finish last night until it was full - on dark . I wonder if they 'll surf the cyclone ? A dedicated bunch , those surfers . I have a visitor , a white dove or a pigeon . I wonder if she 'll surf the cyclone . She 'll probably hunker down like we will . Being white , she looks like a pet . I want to feed her and talk to her , but I saw signs yesterday that feeding the birds was illegal . I wonder if she was ever part of a wedding . Maybe I should name her Flossie . The irony of this weather is that , as we were packing , I asked Mike if he was bringing his rain jacket . " Probably not , " he said . " Do you really think you 're doing to need it ? " My suitcase weighed 47 pounds , three pounds away from the airline limit . Any more and I could pay a steep penalty . " WPosted by Mike has given me my 49th state . Can you believe that Hawaii and Louisiana were the last ones i 've visited ? Id have expected the last to be Iowa or something . ( I liked Iowa . It felt like home . ) So now , I only have one left . After that I 'll have to round out Nick 's totals and go to Europe and Canada again . I won 't get Mike to go anywhere more exotic than that , but maybe I 'll take a tour some time when he 's at Boy Scout camp . I love my little balcony here . The air is balmy . It 's city 21 floors below me , but this is a good way for me , an outdoor girl , to experience it , like this . Earlier , it looked like this . The water was turquoise , blue , and purple . The view is a little dizzying . I 'm dizzy right now . In the meantime , we went to a beach . I took no pictures there because I was busy swimming and playing in the sand . The coral that Nick and I found looked an awful lot like the fossils we found on Crinoid beach in Indiana . Isn 't that amazing ? You know , it 's 7 : 51 pm and its already dark out . The last time I stayed at a hotel this high was in Las Vegas on New Year 's Eve , a hotel that was unfinished . We popped a cork out over an atrium with an unfinished roof . Our room had never been used and the sad part is that the hotel doesn 't even exist any more , except in my mind . The sea has darkened in front of me and blended into sky . It 's as if the world ends at the edge of the palm trees lit by lamp light beyond the line of hotels . Tomorrow , we 're going to see the ships in Pearl Harbor . History . I have to tell you this . I feel as though I 'm in a foreign country . There are Hawaiian words I 'm learning , a completely different culture , and different food . They even move with a different attitude . I am in heaven . Thank you for listening , jb I got rear - ended today in my car . Oh , it wasn 't too hard a hit , but I 'm sore anyway . I 'm taking Advil but I don 't intend to turn in the woman who hit me . She was very apologetic , very sweet . I liked her immediately and told her that if I didn 't have problems with my neck , I 'd skip talking to my insurance company . I drove down the road just a little bit and I called Mike . I needed time to catch my breath and slow my heart rate . I cried on the phone , but felt better as I talked to him . I tested out my neck as we talked , feeling some soreness there . Was that new or just my usual soreness ? Mike said I should take some Advil . He also said I needed to call the insurance representative and ask them about the whole thing , whether I needed to file a police report in case my neck began to hurt more tomorrow . He wanted to know if the bumper would need to be repaired even if it looked okay . So , I called my insurance guy . We 've been with the same company , Farmers , since we moved here in 1991 . I 'm always the one who talks to him . I have to tell you that I really like this guy . We 've talked about details like minimums , discounts , new - old cars and stuff like that . He 's a nice guy . He 's good at what he does . Today , he told me that , as a representative , he needed to tell me to make a claim any time I get hit . Then , he said that as a human being , he agreed with me that I shouldn 't file a claim against this nice woman if I didn 't have to . Her insurance would go up . She might even get a ticket . By the time I got off the phone with him , my heart rate had settled down and the Advil had taken effect . And now Nick is a little bit sick . I 'm going to dope him up with decongestant . My neck is sore . I 'm taking Advil , and we 're going , damn it ! Maybe the sunshine will dry up Nick 's cold and maybe I 'll get a massage . It could still be a good vacation . I may be an outdoorsy kind of girl , but I 'm not good with bugs , especially parasites . I came back from a trip to visit my family and had four chigger bites . Yuck . I hate chigger bites . The folklore is that they burrow into your skin and lay eggs . Can you think of any horror movies that begin this way ? Thankfully , I read that it isn 't true . The truth is that they secrete saliva which liquefies the tissue it comes in contact with and that 's what causes the ' bites . ' It 's not much better . I have four large sores on my legs and one of them has a blister and swelling the size of a sand dollar . As if that weren 't bad enough , today I found a deer tick clinging to my ankle . I had to get out the tweezers to pull it off . Scratching at it didn 't work . It 's little legs were flailing as I squeezed him and blood , my blood , squished everywhere . I wanted to run screaming . Instead , I made an appointment to try to convince a local doctor to give me antibiotics in case the little bugger was trying to give me Lyme 's disease . WebMD said I should get antibiotics within 72 hours in order to prevent Lyme 's . Okay , I can 't get over the idea that this creature has been sucking my blood since Tuesday ! The worst part is looking at enlarged photos of these creatures . Nick wanted to see what a chigger looked like . In life , it 's a pinpoint round red bug . I used to get them whenever I gathered wildflowers in the Midwest . Little red bugs that like flowers . That 's kind of cute , isn 't it ? Enlarged , they 're scary looking with ugly faces and the red only makes them look more alien . It turns out that a lot of the creatures in our scariest movies have links with insects and parasites . Then , I needed to see if the bug I tweezed was a deer tick or an ordinary dog tick . Again , I encountered the same feeling . Tiny , in real life , these things aren 't so bad looking . When I look at the online photos of a deer tick , it gives me the willies . Can you say horror movie ? Plus , there are a lot of nasty pictures of bites online . Lyme 's disease sometimes gives you a bulls eye rash with a black spot in the center . Gross . I was going to tell you about how I reacted to the potential to get leeches in Minnesota and Upstate New York . For more than one trip , I carried salt in a Ziploc bag in my pocket the whole week . The other paddlers thought I was joking . The Internet pictures of leeches . . . . I 'm not going to tell you about that . I need to stop thinking about all this or I 'm going to have nightmares . Thank you for listening , jb I slept a lot today . I was allowed . I 'm back from visiting with my family and we 're all resting , all of us except Mike , who 's still at Boy Scout camp . My sister told me that she read the whole paper today . Nick woke up congested , but felt better as the day wore on and managed to go to karate . I went with him to pick up the dog and exchange some clothes at the store . I also picked up movies from the library and bought some ground beef to make burgers for dinner . I made a couple of phone calls too and with that I crossed off most of the work on my list for the day . Mike is tired . He told me so . He also said that the boys , after staying up most of the night doing wilderness survival , had hit the wall . What does that mean ? Did they whine ? Did they lie around all day , complaining that they don 't have a TV or video games ? If they don 't have a dad at camp , Mike 's the man . He 's good at it , but I wonder if the kid who 's homesick again is staying up late in the night feeling sad and achy . If he is , then Mike is up with him feeling achy too . Mike 's been quiet today . Other days , he 's called and texted me . He even sent some photos . Camp Meriwether is stunning . But even amid beauty , a man can get tired with the responsibility for seven or eight boys and four or five men . For two days in a row , he called at the same time and sent me two or three photos and four or five texts . Today , it was two texts . That 's it . No call . No photos . I did my duty by forwarding the photos to Facebook where moms can see that their boys are having fun . I wish Mike would send me a photo of his own face . Then , I could see a little of what 's happening with him . I could see happiness and fatigue . I could sense frustration if it 's there . It would make me feel better just to see his face . On Saturday , I will see his face . He 's bound to be tired and I 'm hoping I 'm rested enough by then to unload the truck for him . I hope he doesn 't get home at midnight . I 'll be waiting up if he does . When I was a kid , I used to love hunting for fossils . It was like an Easter egg hunt , only it was any day I was out in the woods . You know the feeling , don 't you ? You 've gone to pick blueberries and finally have enough to get you through the winter for your morning oatmeal and you can 't resist plucking the random beautiful berry as you walk out of the field . Hunting for fossils is like that , only I never needed that first rock the way I needed those berries . It was all about imagining an altered world . Maybe I did need that rock . It 's a little like looking at the stars and wondering at the smallness of one soul on a blanket in the grass . Fossils can give you that feeling , only measured in time and not distance . I liked to imagine the life of this poor dead creature . There was an ocean , right here in the middle of the Midwest . It just goes to show you how much things will change . Yet , while it could , this one was born here , grew , ate what came along , hung out with friends , and died , right there on that rock . I loved it . Oh , who am I kidding ? I still love finding fossils . On Sunday , when we walked down to the creek , finding three pieces of fossilized coral made me happy . These rocks were black and about the size of a Halloween tootsie roll and had lines running their length . There were chert nodules too , smooth round rocks the size of a walnut , some of which were embedded in layers of limestone . Beautiful . But , there were no crinoids . My favorite have always been crinoids . Yesterday , my nephew took me to crinoid beach on the lake . Oh , a bunch of the rest of them tagged along , but this is something he wanted to do for me . When I was a kid , if I found a sweaty fist full of the little round crinoid stem disks , I would be in heaven . The adults could talk all they wanted as they sat in their aluminum lawn chairs . The other kids might be throwing rocks into the water or getting wet even though our mom said to stay dry today , but I was getting muddy , looking for crinoids . So today , when we got out of our cars , I pretended to be adult about it and walk slowly with my mother , but I was itching to bolt ahead with Nick , my niece , and my nephew , John . John had come here with his paleontology class and he said it was cool . Nick was carrying his water shoes . Eventually , my sister took pity on me and sent me ahead to find them and scope out the steepness of the hills . I walked the lane , getting sweaty . When I came to a fork in the road , I called my sister and told her I thought the hike would be too much for my mother . I could barely see the water . Then , I did a loud woo hoo into the woods and heard an answer along the fork to the left . It seemed to take forever to get there and it was looking nearly impossible when the three cousins traipsed back to me and said they couldn 't find it . No ! I was too hot not to go to the water , so while John bushwhacked through the woods looking for it , the rest of us took the most direct route to the lake 's edge . And there , I immediately found a crinoid stem . And another and another . They were everywhere ! I sang a woo hoo in John 's direction and he sauntered along the shore to find us . " This must be it , " I said . " There are crinoids everywhere ! " " No , it gets better than this ! " He said . We walked around , picking up different ones and showing each other . Nick put on his water shoes and walked into the water . This was like bath water compared to the swimming we did in the Pacific Northwest . I knew , after showing him a couple of fossils , that he was there to swim . My niece walked into the water with him . Why did I love these creatures so much ? I can 't explain , but I felt it again when John had showed me a YouTube video of a crinoid crawling across a sea bottom when he first told me about the crinoid beach the night before . It looked like a flower , only it was leaned over and using a couple of petals to walk and dragging its long stem behind it like a tail . I wanted to know what compelled it . John had said it had no brain . " There 's a girl crinoid over there and he likes her enough to pull up his roots and drag himself over , " I said . John laughed . That was when he had decided I needed to see crinoid beach . John said we needed to walk along the shore to get to the real place . I picked up a big imprint to show him . He grinned at me . " It gets better than that . There 's a huge one that 's embedded in a boulder that nobody has been able to carry off yet . " Eventually , the humidity overtook all three of them and they swam along the shore while I ostensibly carried their phones and money and Epipens and wallets . No , I wasn 't really being adult about this . I just didn 't want the sediment in the water to obscure my view of the fossils . I walked through bushes that were sure to harbor chiggers . I found more fossils . I hugged the shore and a misstep filled one shoe with water . I kept walking , looking down . I walked through a cloud of mosquitoes . They dogged me as I bent over to pick up another . I carried a handful as if I were going to bring them home with me . I ignored the possibility of poison ivy which was everywhere . I straddled a large log and scratched my thigh trying to get across and got the other foot wet to match Oh ! Suddenly , I was crunching across a solid mass of fossils , crinoids and brachiopods . I couldn 't move . " Take only pictures and leave only footprints , " John said quietly as he stood knee deep in the water behind me . Eventually , the sun began to get lower in the sky and they were done swimming . I think they had to call me to come on three or four times before I walked back the way I had come . Thank you for listening , jb Before the box opened , my sister and I had each said we didn 't want anything more from her estate . We have lots of things from my grandma . I think we both feel overwhelmed at all the volume . My brother had said that his girls might like something from the box . Everyone found a place at the table , especially the girls , my grandma 's great grandkids , and my brother put one piece after another on the table . I was surprised at how many of the pieces I could remember her wearing . I figured there would be a grab for those things . I quietly drew a couple of things near me . There was a photo button photo that my sister and I put half way between us , one of our great aunt when she was young . There were few collisions of desire . Only twice did we need to flip a coin to decide . Everyone had their little stash to match their own style . We all talked and looked and looked again . Some things sat in the middle of the table , but not much . My sister encouraged our sister - in - law to find some things she liked . It took her a while , but she set a few things aside . I noticed that one of my nieces gravitated toward the pearls . Another took a large pin of a flower and brown and green beads . There was a pin , a simple gold circle that my grandma had worn a lot . I remember her saying , " Fred gave me this and he told me it 's a lot like love . It goes around and around and it never ends . " I liked it , but I could imagine it better on my sister . After sitting between us for a while , I pushed it into her pile . After a while , I noticed that she 'd pushed the photo button into mine . My brother put on a pair of clip - ons , big orange beads that must have come from the seventies . We talked about how , after taking items that meant something , we should take what caught the eye , even if it didn 't remind us of Grandma . Why not ? I put a ring on that I liked . It had three small stones in it , diamonds or cubic zirconium . I have no idea . Then Nick , who was mostly content with a pocket watch and a heavy chain watched me put it on my finger and take it off again as I wondered if i was grabbing the most expensive item from the table . He leaned toward me to whisper in my ear . " Mom , maybe I can take a ring , like that one maybe , to give to my wife to get married some day , " he said . " We could keep that in the family that way . " For a minute , I couldn 't breathe . I had to turn away from the table where everyone was gathered . I pictured him on one knee , holding that ring . He reached out and hugged me hard and held on for a minute . Still , I couldn 't catch my breath . My eyes brimmed over . I buried my face in his hair and he patted my back while I gathered myself together . Laughter continued behind us as I wiped my eyes . My credit card got declined today because I was traveling in another state than Mike . I know . I don 't like it either . When I called them to say we still love each other and will be back home together in the Pacific Northwest by next week , they settled down and decided to let me use it to make some charges . Honestly , it 's a relief that they watch things so closely . We 've had too many problems not to want that . I 'm just glad I had a back - up card . Plus , the sad looks on people 's faces in line behinds was embarrassing . I went from ' woman who 's making a great salad for her family tomorrow ' to ' woman who 's stolen a credit card ' in the blink of a computer screen . Denied . The weird thing was that I had forgotten that my brother gave me an envelope full of cash from my grandma 's estate . I had plenty of money . I could probably go to Hawaii straight from here . Not without Mike though . I can handle it for a visit with relatives , but not for a real vacation . So , what would the people 's faces have said if I had whipped out a couple of hundreds from an envelope full of money ? On Monday night , as I loaded the dishwasher , Mike came in and told me he needed to figure out something for the planning meeting for the next Scout meeting . Hmmm . We usually have loud conversations between the kitchen and the living room with the TV running interference . I had a niggling at the backs of my knees . When Mike 's patrol leaders get together , they go to the Mexican restaurant down the road and Nick and I are left to fend for ourselves . This meeting was going to outline the activities for the next year and Mike said it would take too long , be too interactive , and involve too many people to take up a big table at the restaurant . " So , why don 't you order takeout from them ? " I asked . Oh , I am so naive . " No , there are too many people . I want to keep costs down , " he said . " So what are you going to make ? " I asked blithely , as I tried to get one more cutting board to fit on the lower dishwasher rack . Mike just looked at me . " What ? " I asked , still having no real idea where he was headed . I bent over and grabbed a squishy dishwasher tablet from under the sink . Mike was still looking at me after I dropped it into the dishwasher , snapped the lid shut , pressed the usual buttons , and stood back up . " Yeah , Mom ! Make us enchiladas ! " Nick said , bouncing into the room . Was I getting a hot flash or was it getting crowded in here ? So , that is how I ended up making enchiladas for twenty - six people , including eight hungry teenaged boys , on a Tuesday afternoon . Do you know what a kitchen looks like after making four pans of enchiladas in a rush ? I had to make an extra pan . Nick made sure of that . We had to eat too and don 't forget leftovers for lunch , Mom . So , when I last talked about this , I told you how miserably I failed at raising money for the Boy Scouts with a pancake breakfast . The morning after only four people showed up to eat pancakes , I woke up early , my face still puffy from crying , and I knew I had to have another plan . I was going to sell my stories . It 's not easy for me , but I figured it was time to let these things out into the world and let people read them . I printed a few , almost at random , then I went to church . The moment someone asked me about the pancake breakfast , I burst into tears . Oh , I hate crying in front of people , but I 've known these people for a long time and that helped . I explained what had happened at the breakfast , that the guy who looked like Bruce Willis , the one who Mike and I had originally met with , had called four of his best buddies when it was looking pathetic and they came down and ate pancakes . I told my church friends that I liked the guy who looked like Bruce Willis . They all nodded as I stopped , hitched my breath again and got hold of myself . Then I told them that the Boy Scouts ate pretty well that day too . There were no limits on bacon or pancakes or whipped cream . They laughed with me when I talked about how the boys were filling each other 's mouths with whipped cream to see who could whistle first . I told them how I never admitted , until the hours had come to an end , that it wasn 't going to turn around and get busy . We all laughed . Pathetic is usually pretty funny , but only in hindsight . So , I put out a pile of my stories with a basket and the next thing I knew , I had money overflowing the basket . Their generosity was overwhelming . That first week , after buying back ten pounds of bacon and six pounds of sausage for my own freezer , we broke even . I had gotten the pancake fiasco out of the red and into the black . I edited three more stories and printed copies , surreptitiously dropping them off at the table at church . Nick got excited and asked me to type a story he 'd written , a very long story that he was very proud of having written two summers ago . I got to typing and found that he 'd done a good job on it and parts of it made me laugh out loud . I burned up the hours in front of my computer screen . And then , my hard drive died . I hadn 't backed up my computer in a while . I 'm telling you , it wasn 't my best moment . This thing was dead . There would be no resurrection . I had spent hours typing Nick 's story and editing my own . I had a stack almost two inches deep , ready to sell . I dried more tears and announced it done . We would sell stories for the Boy Scouts at our town festival , I told Mike . Then , Mike got on the bandwagon and decided he 'd fill the cooler with ice and bottles of water to sell . He told me I should write ' zombie apocalypse ' on rocks in Chinese and sell them . We had a joke that those Chinese characters on mugs and on wall hangings could say anything . Who was to know ? What a great idea . And so I did . I even walked down to the river with a heavy - duty grocery bag and hauled up a load of smooth rocks . I spent hours figuring out how to write ' zombie apocalypse ' and copying it onto river rocks using a Sharpie . I doodled around the edges . It made me happy to doodle on rocks with a Sharpie . I felt as though I got pretty good at drawing the characters . So , when the festival arrived , it was suitably hot . Even though people down the street were handing out free bottles of water , people were paying a dollar for ours since they were on ice and maybe also because they liked the Boy Scouts . We had trouble keeping up with the demand , so at the end , some of the bottles we handed out hadn 't had time to get ice cold . " That 's good ! You only need one line here and that 's exactly what it says . " They went away smiling . I think they got our joke . I got out my Sharpie and added the one line . Other people wandered up and asked how my rocks would protect them from a zombie apocalypse . " They won 't ! " I told them happily . Kids , mostly boys , held them in their hands and talked to each other . Someone came to take a picture of the rocks and the sign I 'd made : Zombie apocalypse . Mike 's idea was a good one . They 'd never have gotten that much attention from something that said ' peace ' or ' love . ' The people who took the photo of the rocks bought a copy of Nick 's story . Other people bought his story too . He was very excited by it . I got to asking people walking by , " Want to buy a rock ? " It was harder to ask if they wanted to buy my stories , which were buried under Nick 's . The interest in these silly rocks was heartening . I had a great time ! And we made more money for the troop ! The next day , I went to church again . Someone asked me to repeat my story about the pancake breakfast . Oh , couldn 't I leave that one where it ended at the festival ? I didn 't like the idea of asking for more money when everyone had already been so generous . They insisted , putting a figurative spot light on me during the announcements . I told the story as best as I could . I retold the story of the pancakes , the whipped cream , even the rocks . I cried all over again . This time they were tears of gratitude . And people gave more money ! What was this strange phenomenon ? All I had to do was stand up in church , tell a story , cry tears of true feeling , and they were writing checks to my Boy Scout troop . Maybe I should go to work for Action Against Hunger or something . I mean , our boys certainly weren 't hungry , not after the pancakes I fed them . Their problems were really very different than the ones faced by a hungry child . I know that Boy Scouts is a great organization , that it can save a boy who might otherwise have gotten lost . I know that Boy Scouts teaches important skills and encourages a meaningful code of conduct . And yet , it was humbling to contemplate all this generosity . Last Sunday , when I sat down in a back pew , yet another woman handed me a check for the Boy Scout troop . A blessing , an almost embarrassing blessing . Thank you for listening , jb Aren 't you supposed to sleep better when you get good exercise ? I think it works , but I 'm not sure . At this point , I 've downed a bottle of water , a glass of milk , and another full glass of water . When I got back to the car after the hike , the bottled water that had been sitting in my car all week was still warm from the heat , like tepid tea with no flavor . I know I 'm not supposed to keep bottled water in my car during the summer because the plastic leeches into the water , but summer is when I need it most . I had my wallet , my keys , my iPhone with an apps for a flashlight and a map . That was it ! I know it was only a four and a half mile trip up to Rattlesnake Ledge , but I realized too late that there are places where you should have decent provisions regardless of how short the hike . See , it 's what happens when you ' walk the dog ' every day . You get bored with your usual places . I go to places where there 's espresso and a dog wash in the parking lot . I don 't need to be so prepared for that . Then , I go places where the elevation gain has me gasping for breath and a misstep might result in a broken limb . There are trails twenty minutes from home that head out and don 't necessarily come back . Being prepared for them is good . I 've just gotten out of the habit of wearing my backpack which has most of what I need for a night or maybe two outside . Oh , my friends offered me some water , but I figured once I got to the top , the profuse sweating would abate . It did . I won 't tell you about how my friends did . They were fine , bopping along at a brisk pace . I 'm glad they were patient with me , that they chatted when I couldn 't hold up my end of the conversation for the heaving and the sound of my heart pounding in my ears . It turns out that the elevation gain at Rattlesnake Ledge is 1160 ft . Phew ! I don 't care if it 's sad that I once hiked sixteen miles on the Bright Angel trail down into the Grand Canyon , which is a mile deep , 5280 feet , and back , . . . yet now 1160 feet seems like a lot . I 'm proud of my 1160 ft ! The thing was that we headed up the trail late this evening and we kept walking up hill until we were there . It was a random ' dog walk ' on a random night and I couldn 't have walked that a couple of years ago . By comparison , the hike up Mt . Rainier is 9000 feet up over a distance of only eight or nine miles . Yeah , I 'm never going to do that . I promised my ice axe to a young friend tonight . I knew within months of buying it back in 1992 , that I wasn 't going to try the ascent . It was the Mountaineers guide that Mike had bought at the same time that got me . I had begun to read about how to stay safe , about how to perform a self - arrest , about crossing a crevasse using a ladder while wearing crampons on my boots . I just didn 't see myself going for it after that . Can you picture your own reaction to sliding down a mountainside with no easy way to stop yourself ? You 're supposed to be able to unbuckle your ice axe , hold it across your chest with two hands , then twist around and jam the pick into the snow to stop . I can say that I may have had some adrenaline junkie characteristics when I was young . I 've paddled , laughing and screaming , through Class VI rapids in West Virginia , but I don 't see myself living through a slide on the snow down a mountainside . At first , I was disappointed in myself , but now , I 'm glad I didn 't push myself to do something like that if I didn 't really want to do it . It may be good to press your limits , but it 's also good to respect your limits . Throw me into a wild river instead of onto a mountain any day . I have to admit that I was going to write you a nice story about fishing with my grandpa . Actually , I wrote it already , but it sits quietly in my notebook , just waiting to be released . Another time , perhaps . You see , when I sat down at the computer , I started to wonder what I 'd do if I ran out of books to read on the airplane on Friday when Nick and I go visiting . Ha ! Now that I have my trusty Nook , I can have six or seven books to choose from without hauling an eighteen wheeler of a suitcase onto the plane as carry - on baggage . There will be more room in my backpack for food . There 's an added bonus to an ereader . No one can see the cover of what I 'm reading . I like that , though I 'm seldom reading anything beyond reproach . Really , I drew the line at taking a romance novel into the elementary school to show to my reading buddy . In general , I thought it was good to show them what I was reading , but I didn 't figure that any second grader should have endure the cover of a romance novel . I remember when my grandma started giving me books she had liked . It was agonizing knowing that she 'd read a particularly juicy part . Grandma , ew ! So , I downloaded about six books from the library . I doubt I can read them all before they expire , but I want to have a good selection while I sit . I picked out two in Spanish ! I figure I can use my iPhone to look up words I don 't know . I was bummed to see that the Nook dictionary didn 't cover that . I 'm just getting good enough with Spanish that I can read a paragraph fairly quickly and almost get the gist of what 's going on . Almost . Okay , well , I 'd like to think I 'm getting the correct gist . Who will know if I don 't , right ? I could have a whole parallel universe going as I read what I think is the real story in Spanish . Now , if I were really organized , I 'd download the English version and flip back and forth between them . I may learn real Spanish yet . I 'm generally not all that interested in saying , " Estudiantes , vamos a la libreria para estudiar ! " That 's about as good as it gets for me , though I have a dual language copy of Pablo Neruda that I like quite a bit . I 'm not sure much vocabulary has really sunk in , though . I also downloaded a couple of books for Nick . Who knows ? He might get bored enough on the plane to steal my Nook for a bit . I 'd better bring one paperback , just in case . I admit that letting go of paper is a bit difficult for me . I like paper . Thus , my late start with an actual ereader . I keep wondering what to do with all these books lying around my house . Will they become collector 's items like records and eight track tapes ? I like the smell of books . I like the feel of the paper when a book is well designed . I like to wonder why they put in eight extra pages at the back . Are those pages for my notes about how the book went , for my alternate ending , the one I wanted so much more than what I was given ? I have some of my dad 's books . I wish there were more words written into them . The titles definitely described something about the man . ' The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich ' and ' The Blaster 's Handbook ' come to mind . Doesn 't that tell you that the man wanted to understand history , that he might be willing to blow something up ? A boring person would not own those books . Yet , I would give my eye teeth for his own words , his own impressions , written on those extra pages . Yes , I 'll probably hang onto the books I have . I might even write in them . The problem with my book choices is that primarily , the books I own are books I have on my bookshelf waiting , sometimes for years , for me to pick them up and read them . I generally don 't read a book twice , so I gave away all but my favorites . I remember a man standing in my apartment in front of my book shelf back when I still lived in New Jersey . He was tut tutting about the smallness of it . He spoke to me as if I 'd read everything on that shelf . He began to critique my reading history based on these books . Well , I told him quickly that the bookshelf didn 't even begin to cover what I 'd read . It was just a bunch of books waiting to be read . I should have shoved that man out my door and down the stairs to the landing below . What do I care about what books people have read ? I like when I find out I can ask someone what they 're reading and hear a different answer now and then , but I don 't give a monkey 's flying rat about how important these people are based on their reading selections . Life is too short , people . We 're having a sleepover We had orange chicken and fortune cookies for dinner . ' The Three Stooges ' is in the CD player . The boys have just finished bouncing a balloon around the room . They 're breathless because they took turns spiking the balloon to the floor while everyone else tried to keep it up . That made for a lot of hand - slapping and pushing . It was fun being the downer when it was my turn . Why is it fun to be the bad guy in games now and then ? Now , the boys are setting up the game ' Dread Pirate . ' I can hear them plotting an alliance that will surely run Mike and I out of business faster . I 'm just hoping to get to Dread Island to get the pile of doubloons that will accumulate there . I 'd like to send the boys outside to set off the rest of the sparklers and smoke bombs , but by now , the mosquitoes will be patrolling the area . There 's no way to battle them except to come inside , to spray the poison all over ourselves , or cover every inch of skin with clothing . That might be a good use for a burqa outside of religious reasons . I swear these mosquitoes would attack your eyeballs if that was all that was showing . I remember when we went to Alaska and our dog Indiana asked to go to bed early every night . At first , we thought something was wrong with her until we realized the mosquitoes were targeting her nose . I feel sorry for animals that have nowhere to go to escape . It 's starting to cool down outside , but it 's a little stuffy in here . I 've got the windows and sliding glass door open . By bedtime , it 'll be nice , but when will bedtime happen ? I 've learned , sort of , to download books to it from the library . That seems like a miracle . See , I almost feel as though I have two new books on my Nook by accident . I did it myself . I really did . Will I remember how to do it tomorrow ? Who knows ? I 'm not exactly sure how they got there . I can now choose a book from the library at home at 2 : 46 am . I can now read in the living room when the guys want to sit in the dark and play video games . I am reading a physical book from the library , but I also have it on my Nook . Now , I want one of those little book covers for my Nook . I don 't want it to get messed up after all . I don 't want it to get dust in its crevices from hanging about in my pockets . It blinks a lot . Maybe it 's like a new pet , not sure of its place in its new home , awakened for the first time to my face , uncertain of it 's safety . Will that dog chew on it ? Will the cat knock it off the table . It thought it was allowed on the table . Will the boy spill water on it and send it to eHeaven ? Does it even have a name ? When he was little , Nick named all of our cars . He also decided that we all had the same middle name he had . I 'm surprised the cars didn 't also have his middle name too . You might wonder , then , what I 'm reading on my Nook . ' My Name is Mina ' by David Almond and ' Remembrances of Things Paris ' by Ruth Reichl . Maybe I 'll let you know what I think of them . Maybe I 'll forget . Or worse , maybe I won 't like the books . I hate putting too much negative stuff out there . There 's enough negative stuff out there . I don 't think I 'll have to worry about that . Almond 's book has already drawn me in . This is a young adult book about a girl writing in her journal while the rest of the world sleeps . It reminds me of what I wrote in my journal when I was just thirteen . Oh , you do not want to read that journal . It was just mindless drivel . Almond 's book , so far , has given up that feeling of being a girl randomly writing in her journal without actually reproducing the drivel that most of the actual journals contain . And Reichl 's book ? I haven 't read a word yet . But I loved ' Tender at the Bone ' and ' Comfort Me with Apples . ' How can you go wrong being naturally funny and writing about food . I love reading about food . The thing that I hope happens , though , is that my Nook becomes transparent to the process . It 's easy enough to read what I have there . I just hope I don 't end up here , telling you about how I forgot to ' turn in ' a borrowed downloaded book and ended up owing $ 182 . 50 from five years of library fines . I 'm sure I 'll manage something strange , so maybe I 'll have a story to tell you . I hope not . |
June 30th , 2009 This evening we were playing against Sports Page . We needed to win both of the remaining games against them . Plus we needed them to lose one other game for us to take second place . But that was not to be . We had a hitting battle back and forth . But in one inning they broke out and and scored twelve runs . That effectively sank us . We tried to come back , but we were just unable to do it . I also had Sheila come and watch . I wasn 't able to show her my skills very well . I had one very nice solid hit . Two other hits were pretty lames infield grounders . After the game was done I went to the fire station . We got a call around one in the morning . It turned into a nothing call . We cleared right after getting there pretty much . June 28th , 2009 The pain of my ankle has been going on all day today . Normally with some walking around the pain will subside and get to the point where it is not very noticeable , not today however . It was really bad when I went to Moscow to get some mitt conditioner . All the walking I did there did not loosen anything . When I got to the city playfields for the game I was still a hurting unit . I ended up having to play first base because I had no ability to run . I have two triples that I only got doubles due to not being able to run full out . This is the worst my ankle has been in many years . The game was pretty ugly . I was thinking we could do something in the first inning when we scored several runs , but that production did not keep up . We ended up losing the game against Sports Page . We were out matched . When we were done playing I went to Cougar Country for some dinner . I went home and watched some TV for a while as I sat around in pain . It sucked . I actually was using my softball bat as a cane to move around with less pain . June 27th , 2009 This morning I was up and ready to go around six thirty in the morning to have a nice day of softball . I went to Jessie 's house to pick her up on the way to Othello . I was playing softball with the Sports Page team . We pulled into Othello around nine o ' clock in the morning . I had an idea where the field was and then in the direction I thought I needed to go . I ran into the field and found Erik and Faber as soon as I got there . I parked next to their rig and walked over to the camp that was set up . I grabbed a chair and my softball stuff . We sat around just talking about the night before . As it was getting closer to ten o ' clock we made our way to the first field of play . This was a five game round - robin tournament with the top two teams going to a championship game . In the first game I wasn 't hitting nor seeing the ball too well . We are playing in a USSSA tournament . So the count was one and one . I am not a big fan of that count because I can 't watch a ball and get into a rhythm with the pitches . But the rest of the team played well enough for us to win the game . After the first game we had some time before the next game . We went back to our camping site and grilled up some hamburgers and had some beverages . I was just trying to stay in the shade . We made our way to the field for the second game about twenty minutes early to warm up . I was playing catcher for the whole tournament . So I didn 't need to throw the ball too much . My arm is pretty loose because I throw a lot during a game . In the second game I was starting to hit the ball better and watch it better . I was able to draw a walk and got a good solid hit . We won the second game with a come - from - behind victory . It was pretty close , but we were down a couple runs . Then our sticks all came together in one inning . We took a small lead . The defense was playing nearly perfect . We were making all the plays and making the outs we needed to make . We were not missing the cut - offs and kept the other team from advancing on us a lot . Directly following that game we were supposed to play a second game , but we flew through our game , playing seven innings in about thirty - five minutes . There were several one - two - three innings on both side . During one of the early inning Chris , who was playing second base for us , got into a rundown as a runner . When he slid back into the base his thumb got dislocated . He was in a lot of pain . It got back into place and he kept playing . He was having a hard time gripping the bat , and as the day went on I think it was getting worse for him because he was able to hit the ball better earlier in the night . We had to wait a little while for our third game . We hung out at the field that we had just completed our previous game on . In the third game we were playing against a " rec " team so they got a three - run lead at the start of the game . The were a bunch of younger guys , all of them looked like they got out of high school recently and all had playing baseball for their high school . They were not very good at softball . They were not bad either , just not that good . They scored one run in the first inning , but with the three - run lead given to them they were up four to nothing . We went out and tied up the game in our half of the inning . I am seeing the ball a lot better and I am hitting it better . We took a bit more of a lead , but our defense was still playing incredible . We held on to the lead thanks to great plays and our infield turning double plays . After that victory we had the fourth game . We were playing against a team that has lost to everyone . We had to spot them three runs as well . But they were really a bad team . They had a couple good players , but it did not make up for the bad ones . We took a quick lead on them and didn 't give it up . It looked more like a couple larger families put together a team . There were people in the forties and kids as young as fourteen on the team . We beat them soundly . We had about an hour break . We went back out to our camp site and sat around . By now people were getting a little tired . People were moderating their alcohol intake very well so we were not getting players who were playing poorly . That was an important key . Before the next game we made our way to the field . The team we were going to play was waiting around and a couple of their players were playing in a co - ed game . The field we were going to use was filled , so our game was moved to an empty field . We were given the option whether we wanted to play the game or not . We were already in the championship game , so this was just for fun . We decided we wanted to play . The other team took it to us . We had some poor defense . We didn 't hit the ball very well . We actually played really bad . They also hit the ball very well . We ended up losing the game . They were supposedly a " rec " team , but they didn 't seem like it . They played very well . After that loss we had a break for the homerun derby . We were going to play Venom in the championship . We beat them this morning already . The homerun derby featured about half of the Venom team . That was something I was thinking about . For an " E " team that is allowed only one homerun , they sure have a lot of sluggers . When the game started the sun had pretty much gone down and the ball which had been pretty squishy was starting to get more firm . The team they put out the second time seemed like a different team from the first one . It seems like they picked up a couple crushers . It was a really close game . We were not scoring nor hitting great , but we were playing defense well enough to keep the game close . But they had a break out inning scoring around eight or nine runs . That game them a lead we couldn 't overcome . I had a couple strong hits in the game . We lost the game and came in second place for the tournament . Over all the day was so much fun . An afternoon of six softball games is a lot of fun to me . I love playing and to get a chance to play so much is great fun . I was hitting the ball well and seeing the ball well . I was able to obtain a couple walks along the way . After the game I went to dinner with Brandon and his girlfriend as well as Jessie . The whole team ended up coming with us to dinner . We went to a little Mexican place near the fields where we played softball . When dinner was done I got some pop and headed home . Jessie was telling me about her and Ben . She gave me the whole story . We listened to some music along the way as well . I dropped her off in Albion . Then I went to my place . I was getting the photos from the tournament downloaded from my camera when the second alarm tones came out . It was for a transfer to Spokane . I was going to do it , then I decided not to . I was going to wait about five minutes before calling in . Finally when I did call in I found I was the only caller . I was told that I would get a call back to let me know if I was going or not . After about ten minutes I had not heard anything . Then the second alarm tones went off again . It said " FF Scotty Anderson landline station One " . I picked up my phone and found it was frozen . So I got that resolved and found I was getting the transfer . We went to the hospital and picked up the patient . We headed for Spokane . It was pretty uneventful . After dropping off the patient we went to breakfast at Perkins and then headed back to Pullman . By now I was getting tired . I tried to talk to Blake to keep me going . We talked about several political issues . When we got back to Pullman we went to the hospital to drop off some equipment . I cleaned the back of the ambulance . Then we got back to the station . I was ready to go home . I completed what I needed to get done and headed home . I found my bed to be very nice . I turned off my pager , cell phone , scanner , and radio . I wanted nothing to wake me up . June 26th , 2009 I went to the SO to get the final sponsor signature for my FTO book . Then I turned it into Cooper . I will have to go through a board review in order to pass along to second class . Once in second class I will be able to ride with any other second class or any first class reserve . I am looking forward to that step . I have worked hard to get there . I am sort of holding off on riding anymore until I get my new status so I can apply my hours towards the needed check offs to move to first class . I hung out at the fire station for a while . Whimpy was out and I played with its siren a little bit . It has a growler - like siren on it . June 25th , 2009 Today is the day after I found out that I am going to be jobless in about one month . I will have some part - time work , but I will not have full time work . So , it probably has not fully set it because I am not feeling too horrible about the whole thing , but at the same time soon I will have very little discretionary spending . One purchase I had almost made was a property in Colfax . If I bought it and got a loan for it , I would be hurting because I would have lost my savings by purchasing the building and property . If I had a job , it wouldn 't be a big issue , because I had some plans on ways to help pay for the loan via self - storage on the property which would , most likely cover the whole cost of the loan . But right now I cannot take that chance and lose everything . But I think about the time that were are in with the economy . Maybe now is the time to act . Get the property while the prices are low and then get this project going . But I would hate to lose my house and everything else should things go poorly . I still want to do it , but I don 't see how I can get it done . I think I will call the owner of the land and see what his thoughts are . In the evening Tim and I were talking about some stuff . When I first came to the shift I didn 't know what he thought about me . In fact I sort of thought he did not like me . I thought that he " tolerated " me . But as time went along it seems like we have become people who more than tolerate each other . I told him that for all my shortcomings he seems to have accepted me . He said that he has not heard anyone say anything about me nor that I have shortcomings as a firefighter . He said the only thing that people say is that I can be moody . That is sort of funny , because I try to not be a moody person , but it happens . As I have written about before in the blog , certain things have happened to me over the time at the fire department that has caused me great grief . That has caused me to get into a bad mood . But it was a great talk we had . June 24th , 2009 Since April of Ought - Four I have been working as a software engineer for NetUpdate and then I was moved to MostHome when they bought out NU . I worked with them until I got notice today that my contract was going be terminated . The application that I worked on since I started with NU was a mortgage application . That was then sold to a competitor a couple months ago . I told MH that I wanted to remain on with them . But as it turned out the project I was put on just got sold off . So they are cutting their ties with me . Things could be a lot worse . I have saved up a lot of money over the last six months or so and I have a bit of a saving that can help hold me over . Now I have to get the fire department job to sustain myself . As of right now I have the fire department for about one more month . Then I am done with them full - time . I figured this day was going to come . I just didn 't know when . When I got a call from my company 's CTO and he started to tell me that my product was sold off , I figured that I was going to be out of a job . I had been saving for this day and it is a good thing I did . I guess I will have to figure out how to apply for unemployment so I can collect some benefits from that as well as working some to make ends meet , without chipping into my savings , if at all possible . So that is how my mid - morning started . I also had a CPR class that I taught this afternoon . I am going to have to work every overtime shift I can get my hands on for the next month . June 23rd , 2009 Today at the fire department we did a walk through of the new bio - sci building on campus . We saw the fire protection devices through out the building . We didn 't have a lot of call activities during the day . I had a couple softball games this evening . The first game went well . We took a lead and never lost it . We went on to twelve run the other team . But in the second game they beat us . We really needed to win the game to have a chance to take second place . In the game I hit a ball that went to the second baseman . He let it get by him into shallow center field . I kept going to second base and when I got there I saw he was still getting to the ball and no one was at third I kept trucking to third . I slid in under the tag . That was fun . Later I made an out at home . I also was part of a double play where the left fielder caught a ball and went home . I got it and made a perfect throw to third for a double play . It was great . June 22nd , 2009 I had a goal to complete my FTO book today at the SO . I was with Zehm . We spent several hours going through the final couple pages getting the final check - offs completed . With that done I can apply to go to second class status . I will be the first in my class to do that . In second class status I will get a chance to work with another second class reserve and the other first class guys . Then I can work my way to being first class . It is at that level I will be able to take my own car out and be on my own . I think that I can get there in the next three months or so . After we were done with the book we hit the road . He said I could do what I wanted . So I went out twenty - six . I saw someone walking down the road . I stopped and spoke to the person . They were not doing anything wrong , but I barely could see them due to the darkness . So I tried to talk them into taking a ride with me to someplace to get them off the road . It took a while but I was able to do it . I gave the person a ride to Dusty . But I made a couple mistakes along the way . I didn 't search the bags for weapons as well as I should have . I didn 't get the ID as quickly as I should have . I should have run the person right away rather than waiting to run it after I dropped the person off . Then at Dusty I opened the trunk to let the person get their things but I turned my back and they could have gotten to a weapon case I had in the trunk . We talked about all those things on the way from the call . I knew about some of my mistakes , but I wasn 't sure about what I was able to do in some other ones , like running the person right away . At the end of the night Zehm said that I really didn 't do bad . He said I did fine , but he still had to put that down on my evaluation . Even though I have a lot of ride time in , I had not dealt with something like that before so I didn 't know all the things I should and could do . This was a great learning experience , because I still went home that night . In short order we got started on the rig checks . I was working on the ambulance with Chia . Drew was covering for Blake on the engine . I just didn 't have a lot of energy to be moving as fast as I normally do . I didn 't get through as much as I would normally do . I also didn 't feel like going above and beyond . I just wanted to relax . Chia did compliment me on how well I did Engine on a previous shift . He said he is not finding anything wrong with it . I was volunteered by Chia to do the PL weekly ladder test . I wouldn 't have done it , but Chia said that I probably wanted to and he asked Drew to wait until I am back . The captain asked what I needed to get done for the engineer status . I told him and sort of pointed out how this would be worthless for me to work on because now I only have one month left . But I did it anyway . Drew was great and walked me through everything like I had never done it before . It was nice for him to spend his time helping me . We ran one call today . I took a nap in the afternoon . I also called my mom and Bill . I wanted to say happy fathers day to him . He has done a lot for me over the years and I felt that me not calling him up would be a bad thing . My mom mentioned that she had not heard from me in a while . I am very bad about calling and writing . June 20th , 2009 I met up with Chuck , Chia , and Carter for an afternoon of golfing . The problem with our team is that I actually carried our team . I am not a great golfer , so for me to carry the team , you know we were in trouble from the get - go . We played eighteen holes . It took nearly six hours for the whole things . The first round we were waiting around a lot of people got bottled up . But on the turn we had a quick lunch and went back out to the course . The bottleneck wasn 't there and we were able to move along a lot more rapidly . Chuck and Carter were drinking , and all the beer was part of the fees so they drank a lot . Chia and I were not drinking . I had to work tonight so I had an excuse to not drink . When it was done I rushed to the SO . I got my uniform on and got a car ready to go out on patrol . Anderson and I were working together . He asked me what I needed to do to get to second class . I told him that I needed my FTO book signed off . He said I am ready for second class so he wanted to help me get there . We started by spending several hours going through my FTO book . I got almost the whole thing signed off . I only have a couple pages to go . That is great . We hit the road for several hours . We didn 't not get into too much . We made a couple traffic stops , but there was not a lot going on where we were . A fight in progress went out in Tekoa . We had three reserves working in town up there . Anderson and I started to head that way , but when the reserves got on scene there was no fight so we turned around and started to make our way back to the SO . June 18th , 2009 Today is the last scheduled Thursday softball game . With the re - alignment of the league we lost the rest of our Thursday night games and pretty much only play on Tuesdays . We played the Whammers . I thought it was going to be close , but it wasn 't . We pretty much controlled the whole game and won it . We have been on a nice win streak . After the game I hung around the fields to watch Sports Page play . They have several guys who I know on the team and it was Jersey Night . Joe is the leader of it and I was going to be participating in it again . I have gone to almost every Jersey Night since its inception a couple years back when Joe was with My Office still . We started by going to Sports Page . Things were pretty tame there . Then it was off to My Office . I got myself some dinner . I wasn 't drinking tonight because I was the on - call coroner . We went to Thai Ginger following My Office . Then we loaded up in Jessie 's truck and my rig and headed up to Val Halla . While there I was talking to a guy named Chris . He plays with Sports Page now , but use to play on Palouse Tavern . He said that Kelly wanted to put him on our team , but I wouldn 't allow it . So now he does what he can to get me out every time he can . He also said that I never wave at him when I see him and he only lives a couple houses away from me . I finally understood why he never seemed to like me . I don 't remember the situation where Kelly wanted him on the team . I think that Kelly made up the story so he had a " reason " why Chris couldn 't play with us . I am not sure what happened . But Chris had a chip on his shoulder . I tried to let him know I don 't remember it happening that way . But now that I know what the problem is , it is in the open . We moved on to Mike 's bar at the end of the night . By the time we got there several people were really drunk . We started to break up there . Some people went along on their own . I had Hanna and Ryan with me . I took them to their car downtown . I also took Chris home . He thanked me for the ride . I think that we might be good now . June 17th , 2009 After getting a call at seven - thirty in the morning , I was running late for my dentist appointment . So I rushed there and got my teeth cleaning . It only took about fifteen minutes . Probably my quickest appointment ever . I was on my way home when I heard about a structure fire in Albion . I wasn 't going to go until I heard Scott from Colfax request that D - Twelve and D - Eleven Colfax and Steptoe stations get dispatched . I called Colfax to have my turnouts brought in . I drove to the scene and I knew no one was there , so I thought I might be first on scene . So I upped my response a little bit . An Albion unit with one person got to the scene the same time I did . I went to the rig and gave a size up of the scene and took command . D - Twelve got there . I sent two in to check for signs of fire or smoke . There was nothing . When an assistant chief from Albion got there I handed over command . We spent the next twenty minutes going through the two apartments with a TIC and checking for a source of the smoke that was witnessed by the residents . We were not able to come up with anything . So everyone was cleared . Tonight was Heather 's birthday at the Moose . I went down there after taking a nap . I made her a birthday card after I went to buy one . It was a big hit at the Moose . Her dad was there so were Dan and Michele . We sat around joking and laughing for several hours . I finally left around ten o ' clock at night to go home . June 16th , 2009 Today was the firefighter stand down on B - Shift . But as we were doing our morning workout we got called out an EMS call . So that didn 't last too long . When we got back to the station we did some classroom lecture on safety and health . Then we had a long lunch . Bob and I went to Safeway to get stuff for dinner . We were having lunch when a call came in for the North ambulance . It wasn 't long before that where we were called out . Then shortly after that a third call came in . The afternoon was also some more safety and health lecture . At five o ' clock I went to the city playfields for my softball game and batting practice . I hit the ball around in hopes of working out of my nasty hitting slump . I haven 't been hitting the ball very well in the men 's league . We played Bomb Squad . I was one for two with a walk . My hit was a double and it was hit well . We won the game and I headed back to the station . We didn 't have any more calls for the rest of the evening . We watched Rescue Me as a crew . The episode was really funny . June 15th , 2009 Sitting at home a page came in for a transfer to Spokane . I called in on it and ended up making a trip North . I was the driver . We went to Spokane and when we were done we were going to catch some dinner . But we were having a hard time finding a place open for dinner . We started with pizza . The place we went to was closed . Then we tried Italian and they were closed . So we tried Irish and then American . Soon we were at this other pizza place South . But when we got there they said they were closed . But they were just closing and they decided they would serve us . So I got some pizza and breadsticks . We didn 't get back to the station until after midnight . It was a long night because I was going to have to work in the morning . June 14th , 2009 This morning i got up and I left pretty well rested . I made some bacon for breakfast and hung out outside of my camper . They were playing a game that the players toss two golf balls that are attached to a string . They wrap around one of three bars . They get points based on what bar it is wrapped around . Each team has three of the ball sets . Someone accidentally got one stuck in a tree . We spent some time trying to hit it was a basketball to get it out of the tree . We came close , but the one hit of the basketball got it higher in the tree . We worked on it longer and finally got it out of the tree when someone climbed up the tree . We took some group photos and then I got my campsite cleaned up and left . On the way home I stopped at two properties that are for sale . One seemed to have someone at it , so I didn 't stop . The other one I stopped and walked around the house and looked inside . They also had a big shop that I looked around . The shop needs a lot of work to clean up due to the birds that have been in it . The house is nice , but it is pretty far out there . I am not sure I would want to be so far from Pullman . Brandon , Kevin , and I were playing some games this afternoon and we decided we would put together a poker game in the evening . Peter was going to play as well . I called the Peter from my softball team and he was going to come over and play . I had a softball game . In my first at bat I had an inside - the - park - homerun . Heston was on first base . I was trying to catch up to him so I was running very hard . I ended up hurting my back in the process . That pretty much sucked . I also had a triple on the night . During the game I noticed the third baseman for the other team . Then I heard someone say her name . I thought I recognized her and her name . I had been in an e - mail conversation with her for a length of time . I started to worry that the idea of me getting a girlfriend might cause a lot of pain if I wasn 't able to keep my eyes of the guys . So it was interesting to see her in real life . As we were congratulating each other she high - fived me but also grabbed my hand . I am not sure if she did that to everyone , or if she recognized me . I think she recognized me . We won the game and I was on my way home to play some poker . We stayed up until nearly two in the morning playing cards . I played on my one five dollar buy - in for the night . I was up a fair amount of money for the night . I was one of the three winners of the night . It was a good day over all . June 13th , 2009 When I got off work I went to get my motorhome packed and headed down to Central Ferry park . I was going to be camping for the night . I got my motorhome set up and then cracked open the beer . I had eight beers and I was starting to feel it . I stopped there and enjoyed the rest of the day . We spent a lot of time sitting around in a circle and talking . This is the second annual trip with a lot of the Colfax Firefighters . It is a chance for us to get away and kick back . No cell phones , pagers , nor radios . In the evening we played a lot of poker . I lost most of the games , after winning the first one . It seems to be a tradition that if you went the first pot of the night you will not do well for the rest of the night . At around midnight I went to the motorhome because we were done playing . I was going to go back out , but I was so tired I just went to sleep instead . June 12th , 2009 Most of the day I have been thinking about camping . We started the day with doing hose testing . We had to work on the five inch hose from the PL . We were able to knock that out pretty quickly . We ran a couple calls through out the day , but over all it was a pretty quiet night over all . I was on the ambulance with Chia . I let him drive and I did patient care . We had lunch from Cougar Country . We ate down at Reaney Park . After lunch we threw the football around for a little bit , but got a call for service . It was a fender - bender car accident . We didn 't do any patient care . June 11th , 2009 I met up with Craig today at ReMax and put in a bid to buy some property in Colfax . It is two parcels right next to each other . My plan is to build a big shop and office plus maybe had some storage units included to help with the cost . They want twenty - five grand for the the two parcels . I offered fourteen grand . They sold a couple other plots for seventy - five hundred in the last two years . They got it for around that amount too . I figured with the economy that they have gone down in value . I don 't know if they will take it until Monday . I went to Colfax and met up with Jesse Two and Rich . We cleaned the two AR 's from our training recently . I also went to dinner with the guys who were working . We went to Zips . After dinner I went back to Pullman for the night . I have to work in the morning and then it is off to go camping . June 10th , 2009 It has been a long time in the coming , but I have been needing to get some blackout shades for my bedroom . This morning was the final straw . I have been telling myself that I had to do it , but I wouldn 't go do it . Today I told myself that it would be okay to spend the money on them . Many times the bright light is coming into my room . I am always getting woken up by something around eight in the morning . Some alarm or something else is going off to wake me up . Today it was a phone call . But even though I tried to go right back to sleep I had to cover my eyes with my pillow so I could sleep . The blackout curtains that Brandon got for his room make a huge difference . I decided to do the same thing . I went to ShopKo first . I couldn 't find any of them there . So I went to WalMart where Brandon got his . It cost me about fifty bucks for two of them plus the rods . But once I get to sleep without the light of day interrupting me I believe it will all be worth it . I got a call from Chia . He asked if I wanted to hang out for a while . I met up with him downtown . He had his dog with him . We walked from downtown to the city playfields and threw the ball for his dog for a while . He took off around noon . June 9th , 2009 After a start that caused us frustration . We were not playing to our full ability . We won several games in the pre - season only to lose the first couple in regular season . We have now won the last two games and we are still within striking distance from the top of the stack . I don 't expect to be first place as the team that is there would have to lose four games . They rarely lose one game in a season . I hope that we will beat them in our next game . We have the ability to do it . The game was in Moscow . I picked up the jersey 's and spent part of the day looking for people to come and play softball as four of our guys were not going to be there . This is turning into such a pain . Always having to find people . I really am done doing the managing . We had a sea - saw battle with the other team . We were going back and forth with them passing the lead back and forth . It turned out that we took the lead in the fifth inning and never game it back . After the game I watched Jake do some umping on the next field . I thought about wanting to ump . But as I sat there watching I started to think about why I didn 't want to do umping . But as I sit here writing this I think that I would want to ump . I cannot make up my mind . June 8th , 2009 I was riding with the County tonight . We started with a car accident in Tekoa . It was a non - injury fender - bender . It was really straight forward . I had a chance to ask questions about how to handle it and what I needed to do for it . Following that we ran traffic on SR Twenty - Seven on my way south . I was going to loop around on Albion Road . But instead we took Two - Seventy - Two so the deputy could get his coat . I made a couple stops along the way . Just gave warnings . After getting the coat we went out on Twenty - Six . I saw a car doing twelve over . I turned on the car and followed it for a bit . Then I pulled it over on Colfax Airport road . I went up to the car . I got near the driver window and started to say " Deputy Anders … " A voice from inside the car fired back " Hi Scotty ! " The deputy with me heard that and saw my reaction . He knew I knew who the person was . It was my roommate . I couldn 't believe it . I never thought that would happen in a thousand years . I am going to have to give him some crap about that when I get home . We went back to the office after running some more traffic . I did my accident report and wrote it up . I got home a little after three in the morning . June 7th , 2009 I started the morning off by going on a call shortly after the work day started . We had to have a police officer accompany us to the hospital in the back of the ambulance . He joked with me about my driving . When we got to the hospital I stopped . Put the ambulance in neutral and then looked down to grab a pair of gloves . Chia said " We 're moving " . I hit the brakes , but we hit the curb with the front tire and went up on it . I felt so embarrassed and like total crap . In the hospital I got some ribbing over it . But was killed me was the was going to be written up . Not necessarily a punishment thing , but to document it . I really started to feel down . I don 't want something like that in my file . I don 't know if that is where it will go , but I just don 't see anything good coming out of them . The rest of the day I really didn 't want to be around anyone . I did the work I needed to do and then hid away in my bedroom . I had some softball games tonight but I didn 't really feel like going to start with . I ended up going and it was a good thing because we were playing short handed as it was . I was going to have to pitch . It was not a good start . I was pitching as bad as I did when I tried to pitch a couple weeks ago . But I fought through it and started to get my ability and confidence back . By the second game I felt like I had command of my pitching . The first game I started to come out of my bad feeling . By the second game I was feeling better . I was hitting the ball well . We won the first game by a run after being down by a lot . The second game we lost by a run , but we had a good come back . It wasn 't a bad day on the field overall . Then I went back to the station . I was starting to get my bad feeling back . After I got changed I was in my bedroom when a knock on the door came . It was the captain . It was time to write up what had happened . I sat in his office as he talked to me . Then he gave me a form I had to fill out . That really sucked . June 6th , 2009 I was riding with Cox tonight . We went out to Lamont to serve some papers . But the person wasn 't home . So we cruised along the Pine City Malden Road . Didn 't find anything there . I hit SR Two - Seventy - One . We made a couple stops on that . Then we went back to Colfax to have lunch with the other guys . After that we hit Twenty - Six . I drove to the border of Whitman County and then back . It was pretty quiet out there over all . We went up to Rosalia to work that area again , but it also was quiet . There really wasn 't a lot going on around the county . June 5th , 2009 At the fire department today it was pretty quiet for most of the day , but once the evening hit we got a car accident . It turned out to be pretty tame . No injuries , but it is was crazy to see a car on its side along Main Street . When we cleared we drove around Forrest Way . When we were coming down Olympia Ave I saw a bunch of cows . At one point we were following the cows , early on . They were on the backside of Rogers hall . They were getting surrounded . One cow stepped on a metal manhole cover . It moved making a loud noise . The cows turned and started to run . It was in my general direction . I went for high ground by jumping on a bench and I was making my way for a retaining wall . Chia was making fun of me for that . Later we started to get them moving to a fenced area . But that wasn 't as easy as it sounded . We had them go past where we wanted them and they spread through out the magic forest . We had to run past them and get them turned around . Then we got them moving again . This time they went past the fenced area and headed towards the Stephenson Complex . I again had to run around them to get them moving back towards the fenced area . At one point they were hanging out in the upper Gray parking lot behind the Complex . One cow was starring us down . The she looked to her left . Then she looked to her right . Soon a cow came down next to her on each side . It was like she called for back up . The cop jokingly pulled out his taser and yelled towards the cows " stop resisting " . Finally we were getting them close to the fenced area when some students who worked for the vet school showed up to try to figure out who the cows belonged to . They asked for a description . We said they are black and white with a yellow tag in their ears . He said that pretty much describes all of them . I laughed and said I suppose that is like describing a suspect in Pullman as a 20 - year - old white male . June 4th , 2009 I posted my photos from the other photoshoot on facebook . I have received a ton of comments from people about it . It has been a lot of positive feedback . Keeton asked how my mom tells us apart . That is because I posted a photo of me where I Photoshopped eleven different photos of myself into one . I got my softball line up completed at home and went to the field . We were playing Bomb Squad . I have been having a problem with hitting lately . I have been afraid of just hitting the ball and letting it go where it goes . I feel like I have to try to push it to right field where I am making a lot of fly outs . My goal was to hit the ball hard . I did that and got two basehits . I hit once to right field and it was a fly out . We went on to win by one run . It was a lot closer than it seemed . They scored a lot in the last inning , but we lead them the whole game . June 3rd , 2009 Working at the FD today was pretty quiet for the most part . We had a fire alarm at Stephenson … again . They are doing construction and it seems to be something we get weekly . We shot some hoops just before dinner . We were playing Tips . I actually won this time . It is rare for me to win at basketball because I am not very good at it . In the evening as the sun was setting I went outside . The air was calm , the night was calm . I took in a deep breath and it was great . The smell was wonderful . The ambient air temperature was great . It reminded me summers of years past . It was very relaxing . I spoke to Bien on the phone . Today is his birthday and I wished him a happy birthday . Then he told me a story about a fire he went to recently . It included the fact the house was rocking and the smoke was to the floor . He said that was the first real big fire he has been in on . While with Pullman was had some fires but he never got to battle a big beast , just the small ones . June 2nd , 2009 I have been wanting to do this for a long time , and finally I got my fire department uniform to my house so I could set it up . I wanted to take a photo of myself in each of my uniforms . Then I would put it all into one photo to make it look like I posed for the photos all at one time . I spent some time trying to get the lighting and other set up things just right . Then I put on one uniform after another . It took a long time to go through all the uniforms . One by one I had to put it on and use the ten second delay to take three photos . Then sometimes I had to change out the badges and other brass to other uniform parts for another photos . It was a long process . But the photos all turned out well . I then started to go through the photos and chose what post to use for what side of the photo the pic would be on . It took a lot of time to cut out the background even though I was using a solid colored background . The whole process to make the photo took about six hours . I then had to run off to the softball game . We were playing against Spellman 's team . It was crappy because we couldn 't hit the ball . Some of our best hitters didn 't have a hit on the night . We ended up losing after only scoring five runs . Spellman 's team scored twelve in the first inning alone . June 1st , 2009 Today I had someone coming over to put in a new water pump and a couple other things in the Bumblebee . It had been down for the last couple months . I found a guy on Craigslist that does auto work out of his house . He was willing to come down to my place to work on the Bumblebee . That was going to save me money in a towing bill plus he didn 't charge nearly as much as a mechanic shop . It took a couple hours to get it done , but the new belts , battery , and water pump were installed . I am happy that it is running again . I am going to start to drive it around some more . One of these days I need to take everything out of the cab and clean it up and throw away a lot of stuff that just doesn 't need to be in there . I also need to fix the extra cigarette light plug . It keeps falling down and is an annoyance . |
Today is Kenny 's birthday . . . . he would have been 52 . Such a young life , but as he would say , such a full life . He told me before he died that he felt he had lived a very wonderful life and had accomplished everything he had hoped to . The only thing he was still wanting was more time with me . Of course , that was not to be , but for the time we did have , we were both so grateful . Happy Birthday Kenny ! Ok . . . so I have been on a few dates lately . I have even met some really nice guys . But what happens to me , after I come back from a date , is I miss Kenny all the more . It almost seems like the nicer the guy , the harder the hurt . I can only think that must be so , because here I am , out with a truly great guy and . . . . no . . . he can 't even come close to the person I had before . I really do wonder if there could ever be another . I have always thought so , but at times I have my doubts . I remember talking with Kenny about this when we knew he was going to be leaving me . " I don 't know if anyone could love me like you do , " I told him through my tears . And he responded something to me that I will always remember and have always held close . . . . " you can teach someone else to love you , just like you taught me to love you " . He went on to explain that , yes , he loved me , but he was motivated to find out how to love me in the way I needed him to love me . Apparently I taught him well , for I was loved beyond anything I could have ever even hoped for . Kenny was an amazing man and he left some pretty big shoes to fill , but I have often thought it will not be the person himself I will be comparing . Kenny is Kenny , and to compare anyone to him would be completely unfair and totally unproductive . If I choose to do that I may as well accept the fact that I will live the rest of my life alone . No , what I will be comparing is how this person makes me feel . Kenny made me feel completely loved . . . . adored . . . . safe . . . . and happy . That is what I know I need , and if it is not there in the same measure , then I will have to conclude that person is not for me . I cannot , will not , must not settle for less . It would not be fair to me nor to him . And another thought I have had lately , taking this a bit further , is not only do I need to feel loved , but do I feel I can give love in the same measure that I gave to Kenny . I felt completely and totally abandoned to him . No reservations , no holding back . I want and need that too . . . . and the truth is that one may be the more difficult one to come by . And so . . . . I have another man on the line . . . . waiting for my answer on a date number two . No . . . . I don 't want to go . . . . . and I have to do what I hate to do and explain that I am not interested in taking this any farther . I suppose for now I need to conclude that I am just not ready . I really do believe I will find love again someday , but for now I think the choice has been made . As much as I may have thought I was ready to move on , I believe I will just have to linger here awhile longer . . . . . When Kenny was in the earlier stages of ALS we went to our local hospital for him to get fitted for a hand brace in the occupational therapy department . While he was getting fitted and chatting with the OT , another OT came over and introduced herself . She overheard us talking and told us that her husband , who also lives in Carmel Valley , also had ALS . He was in the latter stages she told us , and gave us her card . . . . . " if there is anything I can do to help " . On other visits to the OT we would talk with Amy and got to know her situation more . And then one day we heard he died . Kenny and I were driving around CV one sunny , Sunday afternoon , and noticed a large gathering of people barbecuing at the local park . We knew it was a gathering , a celebration really , honoring the life of this man we had never met , yet somehow felt a connection to . We stopped and immediately Amy came over to us . We almost felt like celebrities as she dragged us around and introduced us to all her friends , informing them that Kenny also had ALS . I felt a little awkward when we first got out of the car to join this group of people that we really didn 't know , but when we left I knew that the time spent was important for Amy , and for us too . I have spoken with Amy a few times since that day . I believe it was our last conversation , one that occurred not too long after Kenny died , that she said " . . . . it took me about a year and a half , and then I was OK " . I remember at the time thinking that a year and a half seemed like a long time , but now that I am here I see that is not the case . It is strange really . . . . because it seems like almost yesterday that he was here . . . . and yet it seems like a lifetime ago . . . . and both at the same time . I am not sure if I am " OK " but I would like to think I am . I still cry . . . yes . I have my moments . But they are moments now . . . . not days . And I find that I am looking ahead more than I am looking behind . I probably shouldn 't think this way , but I sometimes wonder if my best days are behind me . Perhaps that is so . . . . but they were the greatest of days . I have a life saver and his name is Red . I don 't know how I would have gone through this past year without my Kenny had it not been for him . From the moment I got him I loved him . We bonded . We became a pair . He needed me and I most certainly needed him . He knows the sound of my car and even before I park he is at the fence waiting for me , ears perked , ready to go . I have had Red ( aka : Red Hot Command ) for just over a year . I board him at a trainers facility where I am in partial training . Although I rode as a kid and knew the basics , I was clueless in the kind of riding that I wanted to do , which is Ranch Versatility . Ranch Versatility is basically an event which shows off what a good ranch horse can do . This would include things like a trail course , reining patterns , boxing and cutting cows , roping . . . . etc . Red is a finished reined cow horse , so he is really , really good with cows . I on the other hand am having to learn . I am getting braver . It can be intimidating running your horse along side a cow and keeping it from getting past you . " I 'm afraid I am going to crash Red into the fence " ( ! ! ! ) I would tell my trainer and she has assured me that he knows better . . . . he can stop before that happens . So I am learning to let go . . . . to kick up the speed . . . . to trust . I 've been in several competitions over the spring and summer and all in all feel we did really well as first timers . It has given me something to work at . . . . to focus on . . . . to do . These coming months will be spent getting ready for the next years events . There are a lot of things to work on in the days ahead and I will enjoy every minute of it . And most certainly I will love my horse and he will love me back . And that , in a nutshell , is all that really matters . Last weekend I went to a dedication in Kenny 's honor at Lehigh University in Bethlehem , Pennsylvania where he graduated from college . The college is old and grand and very much " East Coast " . Kenny was not only tremendously smart , but he was also highly athletic and played two varsity sports throughout college . . . . football and track and field . He broke the decathlon record back in 1983 and it has never been broken since . His Chi Psi brothers had decided to raise money for a new " Ken Jones Records Board " to be placed in the newly refurbished indoor track and field house . . . . a board which would display all the records which Lehigh held in track and field . The dedication and ribbon cutting of the new field house and the display of the new records board was last weekend , and I , along with another two hundred people attended . His family was there , fraternity brothers , friends , coaches , etc . It was a crisp fall morning , and before the ribbon cutting a brunch was held in the outdoor pavilion . As I was walking up I felt the emotion rising , I felt the tears wanting to come full force . This was for " him " . This gathering of people , this festive yet somewhat somber event . I found his mother in whom I had not seen since Kenny 's memorial service although I talk with her often on the phone . His sister , niece , and friends that I had met before . It was good to be there in the company of people who knew my Kenny and loved him dearly . From there we went to the door of the new field house where I , along with his old coach and a fraternity brother cut the ribbon . We filed into the large building and gathered under the huge records board . There we had a short presentation and words were spoken about Kenny . Next to the board off to the side , was a smaller board with a picture of Kenny , date of birth and death , and a bio of his life . What an accomplished man he was . From there we went to the early afternoon Lehigh football game and then on to Kenny 's old frat house for a reception party . It was here that I mingled among his old fraternity brothers and their wives , most of whom I had met before . His sister had thrown a party with all of them just days before Kenny had to move into his wheelchair , so my first meeting with all of them was then . I loved hearing story after story about him that I had not heard before . . . . still getting to know my Kenny . " It 's not because he is gone from us that we say all these wonderful things about him . . . . he was truly wonderful and humble even back then and we really , really loved him " , was the gist of many conversations . It was great being there . And the tearful emotion that overtook me in the beginning had moved on to a joyful , happy , and heartwarming emotion . I felt proud that I had known this man . And not only did I know him , but I was loved by him . This man with all his amazing accomplishments and great successes in life had chosen me to be his life partner . Someone said to me , and I can 't remember who , that of all the great things Kenny had in this life , I was what mattered most to him . I actually really do believe that . . . . because he told me so himself . Today would have been Kenny and my third anniversary . We only celebrated our first , he was gone before the second , and now , another year . I can hardly believe it . It has now been just over 15 months since Kenny left . I remember April 2011 , about a month before Kenny died and he said , " I think I am going to be here for our second anniversary " . I wish I could say I was thrilled for his optimism and truly hoped he would be here in September , but the awful truth is I shuddered at the thought . I was worried that I would not be able to take care of Kenny in the end . Afraid I would not have the strength to get him out of bed , move him to his wheelchair , help him in all the ways he needed my help . Afraid the stress and my nerves would fail me and I would somehow lash out at Kenny and make him feel like a burden . I felt like I was walking on thin ice that was about to crash through at any time . . . . and he was talking of hanging in there for another four months ? It sounded overwhelming to me . . . . . could I do it ? I didn 't think so and apparently God didn 't think so either because He took Kenny home the following month . My second anniversary was to be spent alone . And now , my third , alone again by choice . One thing I have learned about dealing with a loved one who is dying and the grief that follows once they are gone is that there is no script to adhere to . Nothing that says , " this is how it will all go down " . I think it must be different for everyone . . . . different and yet the same . Pain is pain and we all must go through it at some point in our lives . But I have learned to be easy on myself . To be ok with where I am at knowing it is a process and something I have to go through . So I will stay home alone all day on a third anniversary . . . . canceling previous plans because I just don 't feel like being with people . I can do that . . . . I get to do that . . . . I must do that . So . . . . " Happy Anniversary to the best , sweetest , most amazing husband that ever lived ! You were the most wonderful person I have ever known and you changed my life forever . I so look forward to the day when I will see you again . " ( sigh ) Saturday night I stayed home and flicked through the TV stations trying to find something interesting to watch . I landed on Sleepless in Seattle , a favorite movie I have watched at least a half a dozen times before . It had been a few years since I last saw it , so I settled down with my popcorn and a glass of white wine to watch . I 've always enjoyed the movie , concentrating solely on the love story developing between Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan . But this time I saw it with different eyes . I saw the part where ' Sam ' was grief stricken over the loss of his wife and he could not see how life could go on without her . Doctor Marcia Fieldstone : People who truly loved once are far more likely to love again . Sam , do you think there 's someone out there you could love as much as your wife ? Sam Baldwin : Well , Dr . Marcia Fieldstone , that 's hard to imagine . Doctor Marcia Fieldstone : What are you going to do ? Sam Baldwin : Well , I 'm gonna get out of bed every morning . . . breathe in and out all day long . Then , after a while I won 't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out . . . and , then after a while , I won 't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while . Doctor Marcia Fieldstone : Tell me what was so special about your wife ? Sam Baldwin : Well , how long is your program ? Well , it was a million tiny little things that , when you added them all up , they meant we were supposed to be together . . . and I knew it . I knew it the very first time I touched her . It was like coming home . . . only to no home I 'd ever known . . . I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew . It was like . . . magic . Yes , I cried watching the movie . But I also was a little hopeful too . I realize Dr . Marcia Fieldstone is just an imaginary " doctor " in a movie , but what she said gave me something to think about . . . . . " People who truly loved once are far more likely to love again " . I kinda agree . I danced last night . It was the first time I have danced in over two years . Kenny and I would dance whenever there was an opportunity . Neither one of us were great at it , but we both knew how to move to the beat , and even more importantly , we both just had fun . On a cruise we would go to the dance classes that were made available and practice what we learned . Here in Monterey we took dance lessons , whether country line dancing or ballroom . We were in the process of ballroom dance lessons when ALS took over and he no longer could keep up . That was the end of dancing for us , and the end of dancing for me . There is a hot spot here in the valley called Baja Cantina . It is a Mexican food restaurant with a large patio where a band plays on weekends . Margaritas and beer are flowing , a huge glowing fire is keeping everyone warm , colored lights are criss crossed overhead , and people dance . Last night we were a table of eight and I had invited my friend Rob to join as I am just plain tired of flying solo to every event I go to . We had a table inside , enjoyed our meal , and could hear the band starting up outside . When the bill had been paid , we all headed outside . Before I could think of an excuse not to dance , or muster the courage up to actually do it , Rob grabbed my hand and had me out on the floor . And it was great . It was fun . It made me smile and laugh and feel all aglow . I didn 't want to stop and indeed we stayed until the last song played . I wondered if and when I would every feel like dancing again . I 've sat and watched others dance but never felt up to getting out there myself . I have been coaxed to " come on and dance with us " but I had absolutely no desire so I would sit on the sidelines watching . But last night was different . Last night , I did it . I was ready . And it felt right . . . . and it felt good . I made it through the year and hit every " special " day once , so now that I am in the second year , I thought things might be easier . Perhaps certain days will be , but yesterday was my birthday and it was not easy at all . I am not sure why my birthday happens to be a day that is so hard . . . . I know last year it was harder than even Kenny 's birthday . . . or even our anniversary . It just hits me hard . I realized yesterday that it is not only Kenny I miss , but my mom too . Both made my birthday special at different times in my life . Thank you , Kenny ! Thank you , Mom ! I woke up at 6 : 30 and said out loud to my cat . . . " today 's my birthday " . . . . and tears came . I fell back asleep and an hour later woke up crying . I was dreaming I was in the shower , soap in my hair and a song was playing . I was listening to the words and they reminded me of Kenny . I took the towel and held it as though I was holding Kenny and I started slow dancing in the shower , crying my eyes out . I woke up with that . . . . tears , bawling really , and a heavy , heavy heart . Yes , this was going to be a tough day . That darn dream set me up for a very tearful morning . I had not made any plans , and most of my friends are not aware of my birthday , so it was a quiet morning save a few calls and texts from close friends and family . I chose not to go to church , simply because I didn 't want to . I puttered around , watered the garden , fixed a quesadilla for breakfast , and headed over to visit with Red . By the time I came home I had that old familiar exhaustion that comes when my emotions are raw . I crawled in bed at 11 : 30 knowing I had plenty of time before my lunch with the kids at 1 : 30 . I woke at 1 , startled I had been in bed so long , showered and got myself out the door to spend the afternoon with the kids . I would love to say I rallied completely and that I was happy , but I felt the tears so close to the surface it was hard to be completely engaged . I told the kids about my dream . . . . my day . . . . and they understood . It was a nice afternoon though and I was thankful for the time spent . Fortunately I had told my friend Rob to keep the night open . When I left the kids house close to six , I really could have gone home and crawled back in bed . But a plan had been made , so I went home , freshened up and met Rob in Carmel . If there is one person on earth that can make me laugh it is Rob . He is fun , really fun , and he always cracks me up even without trying to . It took awhile . . . but after a glass of wine and good conversation , I felt my old me , my happier me , come back . I was too full to eat because of my late lunch , but I picked sweet potato fries from his plate , and the bartender , who overheard it was my birthday , brought out a huge brownie sundae . So we ate most of it . . . . my second dessert of the day . My day ended on a good note . My last tears were in the early evening when I told Rob about my dream , and then the night just got better . Tears are part of life , I know this . . . . . there will always be sad times . But there are happy times too . I had both yesterday , and was glad to have ended the day well . Well , I have now officially made it through my first year without Kenny . The month of May was a hard one , mostly because I knew that the 24th was approaching . It came and went , and for the most part I felt much like I did last year after Kenny was gone except in lighter measure . I was tired , emotionally drained and wanting to stick close to home . My bed and my couch were my friends . I could feel it coming on weeks before , but the week of the 24th was when I wanted nothing more than spend most of my time alone . I slept much more than usual , crawling into bed late morning and again in the afternoon . At one point I wondered if I was fighting something as I felt so awfully tired , but no , this was something familiar and it had nothing to do with being sick . The 24th fell on a Thursday . The following Tuesday I woke up and thought to myself , I am tired of this . I am going to make some choices today that may be hard to do , but I am going to do them . I want / need to feel happy again . So I put on my walking shoes and walked the trails at Garland Park . This place is my usual stomping ground as it is literally around the block from my house and offers 4500 acres of hiking trails . It would be a shame not to take advantage . So I walked that day as I do most days , and I cried as usual at some point on the trail , but it was what I needed . It was the beginning of climbing out of that dark hole . The hole that Kenny would not want me to stay in . Friday night I ended up going to Carmel Valley Ranch for a glass of wine and bite to eat . I ended up sitting with a few friends and one of them told me she had someone she wanted to set me up with . He was a client of hers who had lost his wife last June . He is 62 , from Michigan , lives in Pebble Beach , retired from some position with GM . " Handsome " , " tall " , " looks good in his jeans " she said . Sounds ideal . I found myself interested and responded with an enthusiastic " set me up " ! But I know this . . . . . there will probably be a lot of these little hopeful twists . Someone that sparks my interest but in the end , just not right for me . I know Kenny wants me to find someone . " You 're a lover and a wonderful partner . . . you are made to be with someone " he would tell me and I believe that is true . I do want / hope to fall in love again . But there are some pretty big shoes to fill here and I know it will take nothing less than an act of God to bring me someone who loves me like that . But one thing I know for sure . . . . God is good , and God is able . The other day I was looking at recipes online . I don 't cook much these days but I miss having someone to think of during the day and figure out the best meal for ' us ' for that evenings meal . Should we sit in the living room by the fire ? At the big dining table ? Kitchen ? Al Fresco ? I love puttering in the kitchen and throwing together a simple meal . Red wine or white ? I love the whole event of sharing a meal . I thought to myself , perhaps I should do it anyway . . . . just for me . Other single friends I know seem to be able to pull this off . So I was looking at a salmon recipe that looked great and thought that might be a good one to try . On this particular website , you can adjust the ingredient amounts depending on the number of people you want to cook for . I changed the original number from ' six ' down to ' one ' , and as soon as I saw that number I lost it . ' One ' truly is the " loneliest number " . I was with an old friend several weeks ago and we were talking about how things were going with me in this current place I am in . " There are a whole lot of worse things than loneliness " he said . Yes . . . . I had to agree . Loneliness is not fun , but when I feel it starting to wrap its ugly arms around me I can often escape it 's clutches . It is not the worse thing I have experienced , that 's for sure . I have to say that comment he made has stayed with me all these weeks . It has actually propelled me from going down that lonely road to another place that I 'm finding is becoming more and more familiar . Thankfulness . Gratitude . Contentment . I have a good life . A very good life . Of course it was a great life with Kenny here to share it with , but even still it is good . And even though loneliness creeps in now and then , I think of all I have and I cannot stay lonely long . Each day is a new beginning . A new hope . A new adventure . Aside from the best years of my life that I spent with Kenny , I have to say I am happier now than I have ever been . Other than having my Kenny back , I would not change a thing . . . . . Last night I was with a group of friends from church and someone asked me about the upcoming ' date ' . The date of May 24th . The one year mark . How was I feeling about it ? What was I planning on doing that day ? Did I want / need to be around people ? Would I like to be alone ? A memorial of some type ? I don 't know . I just don 't know . What I do know is that I can hardly believe it has been almost a year . A year . I talk to Kenny 's mom every time the 24th comes up . We talk at other times throughout the month but always on the 24th . Either she calls me , or I call her . " I know we have made him out to be a saint , but he was pretty darn good to me " she often says . Yes , he was pretty darn good to me too , and pretty much a saint in my eyes as well . Fairly soon after Kenny died , I cleaned out the closets and gave his clothes away . Some things I kept for myself , mostly button down oxford shirts that were a staple of his . . . . . a couple of old sweatshirts . . . . PJ bottoms . I have to say , I wear one of these items pretty much every day . It just feels right . And then there is the Listerine . A huge bottle under the bathroom sink that I finally finished off yesterday . Funny , but it was harder to let go of than the clothes . It was the same Listerine bottle that Kenny used , sipped from to his dying day . I have been rationing it , leaving that last inch at the bottom and taking teeny tiny sips to make it last . It was his Listerine . . . . . his lips touched this daily . I had a hard time letting that one go . It has been almost a year and at times I think I had an easier go of it 5 months ago , or 8 months ago , or 2 months . . . . I think it is just that there is a marker in the road . I big , glaring marker looming ahead that reminds me . . . . I had it great once , I had the best . And now he is gone . Grief is a strange thing . Just when you think it is on the ' outs ' , it creeps back in . At the beginning of the year , I felt great . Happy . Whole . " This is going to be a great year " . . . . and even though I still believe that to certain degrees , I also know that along with this " great year " there is still going to be a lot of sadness too . It comes with the territory of losing a wonderful person . Someone who knew me better than anyone else on earth . I knew Kenny for a total of 4 years , 4 months . Even though others have known me for years , no one knew me like Kenny . He wanted to know everything about me and he never ceased to inquire . Not just things about me , but how I felt , what I thought , what made me tick . He never tired in his quest . He wanted to know me . And he was a safe place for me to be myself with . I miss that . Everyone wants to be known . And so the days meld into one another and I realize that it is now 10 months since Kenny left . What a huge hole he left behind . Every morning my day begins with a cup of coffee , a glass of water , pillows propped on my bed , my Bible , my computer . . . . and box of kleenex . And so it goes . . . . This morning I was picturing myself walking along a fairly wide path meandering through a forest setting . A smaller path was going off to the side of it and I had the thought . . . . " gee . . . . it was so easy when I didn 't have to decide " . That wide path has been my life lately . . . . since Kenny . . . . walking along , nothing much to worry about . . . . just ' go ' . As much as it is not a path of my choosing , I will say that it has become comfortable . And maybe a bit boring . But safe . A couple of weeks ago my friend Betsy introduced me to her friend Rob . She had told me beforehand that she thought we might get along and that he was a super nice guy . I thought , " what the heck " . . . . I enjoy meeting people and could use some new friends . ( I am finding it true , that as a ' single ' you are not invited out as much as when you were a ' couple ' yet the reality is you need to be invited even more so ) He was a pro golfer turned businessman as a horrible car accident changed his life around for him . That was really all I knew about him as I walked into the quaint , classy bar / restaurant in Carmel where we were to meet . He and Betsy were already seated , a chair between them waiting for me . I figured this would be fun , no expectations . . . . just friends meeting friends although I was well aware that this was an informal ' set up ' . I was pleasantly surprised by my initial impression . Seems nice . Pleasant face . Full head of dark hair with just the beginning streaks of gray . Greek . Glasses which actually added to the overall look . Nice dresser . Friendly , outgoing , comfortable . Chemistry ! We all chatted it up for quite some time and then at some point Betsy slipped on out and we remained . We walked down to another restaurant in town , a popular Greek restaurant that he was familiar with and it was evident when we walked in that he was loved by all . I could not believe the time . . . . we had met at 6 p . m . and it was now 11 : 30 . The place was almost empty at this late hour but he ordered a bottle of wine and we sipped slowly , eating our hummus and pita and continuing Posted by I went to a movie last week with my friend Betsy . I was still on the mend , but getting out and going to a movie sounded nice . She had already been to most of the movies I had hoped to see but the movie " We Bought a Zoo " was one she had not yet seen , so we went . There was a quote in the movie that struck me and I find I am carrying it with me even today . I have a feeling this one is going to stick and I like the idea of it . " You know , sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage . Just literally 20 seconds of embarrassing bravery . And I promise you , great things will come of it " . I went to my daughter 's house Sunday night as they were throwing a simple birthday party for Seth who was turning one . Big birthday . I knew my ex and his mother would be there so I went with a slight bit of trepidation . I had not spoken much with her since our split nearly 6 years ago . She had let me know way back then how she felt about me and it was not good . From time to time I have seen her since . . . . baby showers , birthdays , etc , but mostly just a " hello " and usually what followed in my head was . . . " did she say ' hi ' back " ? These times are never comfortable as I like to be in good graces with everyone . So I went to the party and the first people I saw when I walked through the door were my ex and his mother sitting in the reading room off to the side . I said hello to both of them , purposefully mentioning their names , and continued on into the kitchen where the girls seemed to be hanging out . Safe . Soon after , we were scooping up bowls of soup accompanied with salad and crusty bread and I saw my ex carefully help his 85 year old mother sit back into her chair with her plate and bowl . The girls all seemed to congregate into the dining room and the boys headed back into the living room where a ballgame was on . And then there was Ann . . . . sitting in the reading room alone . And here it was that the quote from the movie came back to me . . . " 20 seconds " . So , I gathered a little courage ( 20 seconds worth ! ) and sat on the floor next to her chaPosted by I have been sick for six full days now . I finally got myself on a powerful antibiotic so I am hopeful I will be feeling better very soon . I rarely get sick and it has been years since I have felt this bad . I can 't help but feel the emptiness that comes with being alone in a time where you don 't really want to be alone . I fill my days up with friends and family , riding my horse , running around , lunches here , happy hour there , and then when I have been out there and done that , home and being alone sounds nice . Or at least nice enough . But now , I am not out and about . I am home , on the couch , watching way too much TV . I rattle around from room to room , a hanky here , a cup of tea there . There is no one here to keep me company . The days are long and I try and stay up late enough so that I am not waking up at 2 a . m . I am bored , and I am never bored . And I am lonely too . I can 't help but think back to Kenny , and how he felt when his body was giving out . Was he bored , and could I have done more ? His days must have been long too , and I know he watched TV much more than he ever normally would . I remember setting him up , so that he could watch TV while I slipped out to run to the store , the bank , or wherever . I had my escape . I could get out , shake up my day a little . I wish I could go back and redo some things . But I can 't . And I wonder if he got lonely too . Kenny knew how to stay busy though . He was not afraid of the bus that would take him to town and from there he would wheel himself to the Pacheco Club where he would have lunch with the boys . Sometimes , while he was in town , he would go get his haircut , or better yet , have his feet massaged . Or he would leave our house in his wheelchair and tootle on over to Bernardus , a lovely resort about a half mile from our house and have lunch with friends every Friday . Yes . . . just thinking about it , I think Kenny was not bored . Not much anyway . He was always ready to do something and his condition did not hinder . The night before he died we went to a party and he ate lasagna and draPosted by I remember last year at this time . Everyone was belting out " Happy New Year " greetings , whether in cards , or in the stores , or friends and acquaintances . There was no getting away from it . But I knew , every time I heard it , that this was not going to be a happy new year . I knew that the year 2011 would most likely be the worst year of my life . And it was . I knew my wonderful husband was going to pass away , and I knew , standing at the beginning of 2011 that his health was going to deteriorate to the point of . . . . well . . . . I didn 't know . I didn 't know if I would be able to take care of him until the end and that frightened me . But I knew things were going to get bad , very bad . And then . . . . . when that " bad " was over , when his deteriorating health was no longer the issue , another " bad " would take it 's place . He would be gone , and I would have to grope through a darkness I had never been in before and desperately didn 't want . Standing at that first day of 2011 was not a happy day for me . I tried not to let the overwhelming dread come over me , but I think it did . This was going to be a hard year , and yes it proved to be so . Kenny died five months into the year and I was able to care for him to the end . Thank God . There are always bright spots in our darkest times and for me there were many of them . And then , once he was gone , I began , or rather continued , on that road of grieving over a loved one that has gone on without you . A walk no one wants to be on . So , 2011 was a hard year on so many levels . I am glad it is behind me , yet it will most likely be a year that stays forever embedding in my mind . Like so many other years that meld into one another , this one will stand out as clearly different . I will never forget it , and I really don 't want to . And now I am at 2012 and when I hear the words " Happy New Year " , I think " yes ! " . . . . this is going to be a good year . I really believe that . I believe there are some wonderful days ahead and I look forward to each one . 2011 taught me , changed me , and hopefully made me better . I didn ' tPosted by |
This evening when I was getting ready to turn out the light , I saw a strip of something underneath a framed picture on the wall right by the patio door . I touched it to remove it from the frame , and it moved ! ! ! ! ! It was a lizard 's tail . I couldn 't help my automatic reaction of shrieking . The dog did nothing . Poor Wayne was sound asleep . He got up and caught the lizard and put it outside in the backyard . I apologized about three times for waking him up like that . They bring all kinds of things to put on the bed . I found one of Walter 's tennis balls on the bed . It 's the funniest thing to see Henry hold a tennis ball in his mouth . Somehow , he grasps the fuzz on the ball and carries it around the house , yowling in unearthly meows while he walks through the halls , calling for someone to come play with him . Yesterday I got a flu shot . I went to my local CVS , and after signing paperwork , I was told to wait at the end of the counter . While I was waiting , I read the handout on the flu shot . I recommend reading everything you get especially if it 's something that 's going to affect your body . I read that the flu shot had thimerosal , which helps preserve the ingredients . Only problem is that thimerosal contains mercury . I 'd just gotten this book by Dr . Hulda Clark , The Cure for all Diseases , and she says " metal " is one of the causes of disease . I recently had a crown because of a cracked tooth that previously had a metal filling . That filling has been there a long time . My dentist removed the metal filling and replaced it with a porcelain crown - no metal . So when I saw that the flu shot had thimerosal , I thought about whether it was worth it to get a flu shot . I kept reading and found out that a thimerosal - free flu shot was available . When the pharmacist came to me with the flu shot , I asked her if the thimerosal - free flu shot was available . She graciously said she would check . ( Shout out to Nicole at CVS - she 's the nicest pharmacist I ever met , and she 's so helpful and knowledgeable . ) While I was waiting , I browsed the card selections . It was a long time , but Nicole came out with the thimerosal - free flu shot . She said that the reason the regular flu shot has thimerosal is that the vial contains enough flu shot vaccine for about twenty shots , so it needs to be preserved , and that 's what the purpose of thimerosal is . The thimerosal - free flu shot is a single dose . I was so grateful that Nicole did the research and found that out so I could get a thimerosal - free flu shot . I don 't need any more metal in my body . Moral of the story : read the brochures that come with your prescriptions , and read up on things that will affect your body if you take them . Posted by I go to bed whenever I want , and I wake up when I want . I leisurely read the paper , drink my coffee , and eat breakfast . I don 't have to rush . I may have things that I want to do for the day , but I 've gotten really good at being flexible . For instance , today I was going to get my allergy shot . I 'm supposed to go every two weeks . I was going every four weeks until I got a dog . Now I have to get " dog allergy shots " every two week . Oh , well . . . But I decided to walk Walter . Then the phone rang , and it was my cousin . I sat down in my glider rocker , put my feet up on the glider ottoman , and relaxed while Nita and I caught up with each other . It 's my favorite place to sit while I 'm talking on the phone . I can look out through the picture window and see what 's going on in the backyard . Sometimes a cat will jump on my lap while I 'm sitting there . So after Nita and I talked , I realized that I needed some protein before my walk with Walter . I made an omelet with green peppers , cheese , and spinach . When I took the plastic top off the spinach container , I saw a recipe for spinach orzo salad . Hmmm , that looks good . I have all the ingredients for this . I 'll cook this tonight for dinner . Then I looked through the mail and saw a bill , so I decided to take care of that . I checked e - mail , and then it was time to start cooking dinner . The spinach and orzo salad was pretty good . O . K . - then it 's time to write - back to work on my novel . I 'm up to 142 pages and 51 , 426 words . It 's 10 o ' clock . Finished with tonight 's installment of my novel . Let me write on my blog . Just wanted to say that retirement is great ! Posted by This is not an instrument of destruction . I ordered this on the internet , so I could trim Walter 's nails without the worry of cutting his nails too short and making them bleed . Wayne helped me figure out how it worked , and then I turned it on to show Walter . He started barking and tried to bite it . Yeah , this is really going to work . . . Well , every day is a new day . I brought out the Dremel tool , and Wayne got Walter to lie down on the carpet in front of the sofa . I tentatively picked up one paw and applied the Dremel tool . Hey ! He let me file his nail down ! Now , as to the rest of his nails , that was a different story . He 'd jump up and run around the sofa . Wayne called him to sit in front of us , and he sat . He coaxed him to lie down again . It worked ! I was able to trim all of Walter 's nails without making any of them bleed . Success ! I decided to try it on the cats . Hah ! First , Zoe . She whined and meowed , but she let me file down all of her nails . Then Harry , and even Violet . Henry was a different story . I got ONE of his nails . I will have to use the regular nail clipper on him . And even then , I have to wrap him up in a blanket like a burrito kitty so he doesn 't get away while I 'm trimming his nails . He is my sweetest kitty , but he still tries to bite me when I trim his nails . The best time to cut his nails is when he 's napping . If I pick him up and start clipping right away , I can get quite a few nails done before he 's fully awake and realizes what I 'm doing . I 've been trying to convince Wayne to let me pluck his eyebrows . Yeah , he 's as happy to let me do that as Henry is to let me clip his nails . He 's worried because he 's seen the " haircuts " I 've given the bushes in the front yard . He jokes that I give them " Charlie Brown Christmas tree haircuts , " and he shudders to think what he 'll look like when I 've finished . He should trust me , right ? My eyebrows look fine . . . . This is Lady , the Boston Terrier . She jumped up on the sofa and had her ears down , but then she put her ears up . It looks as if she 's doing a good imitation of a gremlin . And look at the TV in the background . There are three elves . It looks as if Lady is showing her solidarity with the elves . All three of the Boston Terriers must love Wayne . When I saw him sitting with the dogs , I thought of that group , Three Dog Night . That 's what Wayne 's got . I cannot have flowers in the house without the cats coming to investigate them and one by one , the leaves are ripped off their stems . The cats either eat them or bring them to another part of the house and play with them . We may not find those leaves for months . Then they start in on the flowers . They pull the whole flower out and bite on the stem . I have no idea why they like rose stems with thorns . The last thing they do is tear the flower apart . Petals everywhere . " Happy Belated Birthday ! I just thought I would extend the birthday celebration . And you my beautiful , brilliant , and loving friend , deserve to be celebrated ! I 'm so grateful to have you in my life ! " Doesn 't every one need a friend like that ? I love the flowers , and so do the cats . I hope they survive for at least a week in our house ! I wish I had a picture of what I saw as I was driving to physical therapy . Out of the corner of my eye , I saw something in a garden on the main street in our subdivision . I was intrigued , so I made a u - turn and stopped right in front of it . It looked like a fluffy cat , but then I thought maybe it was an owl . Then I made out the head and body , and I thought it was an eagle , but it didn 't have a brown body and white head , so I thought it might be a hawk . It was white and had brown speckles all over . What a beautiful creature ! I was worried that maybe it was hurt , and that 's why it was just sitting in the garden . I reached for the camera I keep in my glove compartment , but when I turned around , the bird was gone . I was happy and sad : sad because it flew away before I could get a picture , but happy because it wasn 't hurt and could fly . If the bird was hurt , I wasn 't sure what to do , and I thought of what number I could call so someone could come and get the bird and rehabilitate it . But the hawk , or whatever it was , flew away , so I could relax . I asked my physical therapist , Jeannie Dufrene , what kind of new sneakers to buy . She said , " it depends on your feet . " I told her about what I 'd read , and she said , " I can tell you right now . Here . take off your shoes and socks , and let me take a picture of your feet . " She got her cell phone and took pictures from the front and back view of my feet . Wow ! Even I could tell I am flat - footed ! And feet are not the prettiest part of my body , even though I just had a deluxe pedicure , courtesy of my friend Amy , who gave me a gift certificate last Christmas , and I finally got around to using it two days ago . My physical therapist asked if one leg was shorter than the other . I said , " I think one is , but I don 't know which one . " She said , " Lie down on this table and let me measure you . " She took a tape measure and measured from the point on my hip bone down the length of my leg . " Your left leg is 1 / 2 inch longer than your right leg . " I said , " O . K . so I need orthotics for my arches . " Jeannie said , " Yeah , and you can try them for a while , and then see if you can get a lift for your right shoe . " I said , " I never knew , until I read that article in the shoe catalog , that having flat feet can affect your knees . Maybe if I start wearing these orthotics , my knees will get better . " Jeannie said , " I 'll start you off with these - they 're mild . You can use them for about six months , and then move up to moderate . But only wear them for two hours a day , or you might have pains because of the new orthotics . " I said , " O . K . , I 'll just wear them when I 'm working out . " Today at Lafreniere Park , there was a pet festival from 11 til 4 . We got there about 2 o ' clock , and it was packed . Dogs everywhere . All kinds , all sizes , all colors . Walter was overstimulated by all the dogs , and he was making his monkey sounds to indicate his excitement . All sorts of vendors had booths around the park , and Wayne went to the ones giving samples of dog and cat food , so we got several varieties to try out on our animals . Walter sniffed everyone he could . He 's so friendly and never met a person he didn 't like . He 's an unusual looking dog , and people stopped us to ask what breed he was . We said he was a rescued dog from SPCA , and we were told he was a mix of German Wire - haired Pointer and terrier , but we thought he looked like a smaller version of Irish Wolfhound . We were goggled by some of the dogs we saw . There was a Kommondor , and I 'd never seen one except on the TV when the Westminster Dog Show was broadcast . The dog looked like he had rasta braids all over , and he was huge , even though the lady who had him on a leash said he weighed 115 pounds . Well , we didn 't adopt any more animals , but we pet quite a few , and Walter had a grand time . We left the petfest and walked over to the dog park , and Walter had more fun . Everyone talks to everybody at the dog park , just like all the dogs mingle . Who invented cargo pants ? What a great idea ! I love cargo pants with all of their pockets , kind of like my roll top desk with all of its drawers and cubby holes . I don 't usually carry a purse , so I like the idea of pockets , where I can stash lip gloss in one pocket , money in another , and my keys in another , and kleenex in another . I especially like the pocket alongside of my thigh because that 's where I put my fan , which is a necessity due to my hot flashes . Wayne likes my cargo pants because that means he doesn 't have to put all of those aforementioned items in his pants pockets . He still tells me , " That 's the only reason you want me around , because I have pockets ! " I tell him , " Not the only reason , but one of the reasons . . . " What 's great about these cargo pants I bought from Sam 's is that they have a small percentage of Lycra ! What person doesn 't love Lycra ? Another great invention ! Do you remember the days of lying on the bed to zip up your jeans ? I hate tight jeans now . I refuse to wear tight pants and feel uncomfortable . Lycra makes pants feel " just right , " as Goldilocks would say . I was sitting at a red light and for some reason , I started thinking about people who can do more than one thing well . Triple threats in the entertainment industry can act , sing , and dance . Some actors learn a skill for a new role . Wendell Pierce , an actor on Treme , learned to play the trombone , so he could portray a musician . It 's hard enough to be able to master one skill , but to be able to do two things well , or three things , wow ! I guess the reason I was thinking about this was because I just left a writers ' group meeting at the library . I went to the writers ' group meeting because I 'm writing a novel this month . Yeah . The reason I 'm writing a novel this month is because I love to read and listen to books on tape , and I go to my library quite frequently . I love my librarians , and every time I go in to return books , I tell them about what I 've read . Sometimes , they tease me and hide behind the counter when they see me coming , but they duck in full view of my line of sight , so they know that I know they 're teasing me . Any way , the librarians told me about NaNoWriMo , which stands for National Novel Writing Month , and it takes place in the month of November . I 've started several novels but never finished them , and I always said that when I retired , I 'd write . Well , I 've been retired for a year now , and here was the kickstart I needed . I thought at first , " I 'll do that next year , " but then I thought , " What 's stopping you now ? " and that 's how I started writing my novel . The idea is that you write 1667 words every day during the month of November , and at the end of 30 days , you will have written 50 , 000 words , which is the size of the novel , The Great Gatsby . I thought , " I can do that . " First I had to give up Castleville . For those of you who don 't know what that is , it 's Facebook crack . Better to never get started on it . It 's a social media game and a supreme time waster . I spent hours every day playing that game . When you go to other players ' " kingdoms , " you realize that there are hundreds of people with OCD out thBut all of that got me thinking at the red light about triple threats . Here I am at age 59 , and I finally think I know what I want to be when I grow up : a writer . And I want to be a good writer . Who aspires to be just mediocre at what they do ? And that made me think about whether or not I really was a good social worker . I thought about how hard it is for me to learn to play guitar and piano and to dance and to draw and paint . None of those things come naturally to me , but I still want to try . God bless the triple threats ! Those are talented people , and I admire them . I wish I could sight read music and play it as soon as I saw the notes . I wish I could sing , but I was not standing in line when God was handing out that gift . I was probably playing Castleville . I am not a gifted athlete . I remember a girl in high school who was the fastest runner I had ever seen . In comparison , I plod along . It took me a year to learn how to do a cartwheel , and I am not fearless when it comes to doing flips on the balance beam . Falling on my crotch once wiped away any fearlessness I may have had . Ask Wayne about my dancing ability . I wish I could pick up a step that has just been demonstrated . It took me months to learn how to do the West Coast Swing , and when we dance , Wayne constantly admonishes me to " stand up straight , wait for my lead , start with your right foot . " Oy vey . . . I want to learn how to use a potter 's wheel , and how to sculpt , and how to blow glass . I guess I should console myself that artists have been perfecting their craft for years . Did you see my picture on an earlier blog of my knitting attempt ? I will continue to try new things . I just will . Whether or not I become a triple threat at any of them . . . People who know me know that however many years old I am is how many days I celebrate for . I 'm 59 years old , and yesterday was my birthday , so I 'm celebrating for 59 days . I don 't remember when I started this . It may have been on my 30th birthday . That 's the year I had my horseback riding accident , and since that was so traumatic , I figured I needed to celebrate more to make up for that day . For Wayne 's birthday , I went into a fishing store and I told the salesman , " You have to help me . I need 50 presents for my husband 's 50th birthday . " He said , " Lady , just give him a $ 50 gift certificate . " I said , " No , I need you to help me get 50 presents . He 's a fisherman , and this is the store to find fishing presents . " He groaned , but he helped me find 50 things . Wayne always tells me , I cheated because I counted one sinker as a present and one hook and one bobber , etc . But I did get 50 different things , and I wrapped them up individually . Then I made lobster bisque from scratch and a carrot cake , too . Wayne and his buddy , Jay , had gone fishing on his birthday , so when they returned , I was hoping that Wayne and I could have a romantic dinner together , and then I 'd surprise him with all 50 gifts . Best laid plans , right ? Well , Jay came into the kitchen , lifted the pot off of the lobster bisque and sniffed it and he said , " Ooh , I want some of that ! And you made carrot cake ? Oh , I want some of that cake , too ! " Jay has never been shy , can you tell ? Well , we all three sat down to dinner . . . After we ate , I figured Jay wasn 't going any where , so I brought out the bag with 50 gifts and poured it out on the table . Wayne and Jay were like little kids , opening up all the presents . It wasn 't exactly the night I had in mind , but it was fun anyway . When I turned 50 four years later , I told Wayne I wanted him to get me 50 presents , too . He rolled his eyes and shook his head ( how often have I seen this elicited response ? ) , and he said , " I hate to shop . " I said , " I know . That 's why I made it easy on you . I put together a little folder with pictures of stuff you can get and what stores to find them in . It doesn 't have to be expensive . " He asked , " Do I have to wrap all of them individually ? " I shook my head , " Yes . " Can 't I just put everything in one big box ? " I shook my head , " No . " He looked crestfallen . I told him , " I 'll show you some of the things when we walk around different stores . It 's not hard . It 'll be fun . You 'll see . " He gave me a look . You can imagine . Well , my 50th birthday came , and Wayne did good . He got me lots of my favorite things , and he wrapped up each one . He told me , " Debra , I did this for your 50th birthday , but I 'm not doing it for your 60th . " I told him , " Wayne , if I live to be 60 , you 're going to be happy to do it for my 60th birthday . " As I said , I 'm 59 this year , so we 'll see what happens for 60 . Last year , I told Wayne I wanted a microscope . I want to be able to see what kinds of things are on Violet 's fur , for one thing . I know I 'll be putting all kinds of things under that microscope lens . I never got the microscope , but that 's OK . I 'm not a stickler for having things exactly on my birthday . I know eventually I 'll get it . Maybe now that 's he 's home recuperating from his heart attack , we 'll go to Precision Instruments in New Orleans , and look at microscopes this month . For this year , I wanted a telescope . Wayne always looks at me funny when he hears these requests . " No perfume ? " " No , I want a telescope . I 'd like another dog - a little one , but I 'll take a telescope because I know how you feel about more animals . " I tell people I see that it 's my birthday . And I tell them that I want a telescope . If I know what I want , I say so . Sometimes I don 't have a clue what to ask for , but this year , I knew . Well , my friend Beverly , the minister 's wife , invited me to her house for lunch , and after that , we were going to work on some photo displays for our church 's 25th anniversary celebration tomorrow night . When I got to her house , I saw a big gift bag . I had to restrain myself from looking in it until she said , " Before we eat , I want you to open your present . " ( " Yay ! ! ! " ) She knows me so well , as do many of my friends . They know I will recycle the gift bag , so they don 't put my name on the little tag . I opened the card first , and then I opened the gift . It was this : Name a Star Gift Box . I knew immediately what it was because the first time I 'd heard of it , I thought it was such a great idea . A friend of mine gave her brother the gift of naming a star for him . Now I had one ! Beverly said that when I got my telescope , I could look for the star named for me ! After a wonderful lunch of 13 bean soup , angel hair coleslaw , and sweet potato bread , we started work on the photo displays . We worked hard , and we talked the whole time . It was fun and work at the same time . When I got home around 5 : 30 , Beverly had left a message on the answer machine . She said her husband Tim was bringing by one more surprise . Tim got there within ten minutes of her call . He walked up with what I thought was a camera tripod , and I thought , " Wow , I needed a tripod , " but that 's not what it was . It was a telescope ! He said that he and Beverly had been given this telescope by their friends Mike and Darla , but it had been at his dad 's house and they hadn 't used it in years , so Beverly asked him to bring it with him when he came back from visiting with his dad . " What an extravagant gift ! " He said , " You have Mike and Darla to thank . They gave it to us , but we haven 't used it in a long time . " While Tim was telling me about the telescope , Walter was beside himself with joy and jumping up and making monkey sounds and trying to lick Tim in the face . I could almost get a complex because Walter barely moves from the sofa when I come home . I said , " Walter , you act like nobody ever pets you . " He just kept running in circles around Tim 's legs . When Tim left , much to Walter 's chagrin , I called Beverly to express my thanks and delight . I told her it was absolutely perfect , plus Wayne would be happy he didn 't have to buy me a telescope . Beverly said , " Now he can spend twice as much for the microscope ! " " Ha ! I 'll tell him you said that . Beverly , this is just perfect . I have a telescope and a star to find that 's named for me . Thank you , thank you , thank you ! " So that 's the second day of my 59 - day birthday celebration . When people tell me , " Happy Birthday ! I 'm sorry I 'm late , " I tell them , " Hey , you 're not late . I 'm celebrating for 2 months now , so you 're right on time . " After " Happy Birthday , " they ask me , " How many presents did you get this year ? " I think they think I get as many presents as I am in years . That 's only for the milestone birthdays , but , hey , maybe it 's a good idea to do that every year ! I can already hear Wayne groaning . . . . I started writing on November 1st . My library is sponsoring NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writing Month . If you write 1667 words every day during the month of November , you will have a 50 , 000 word novel by the end of the month , which is the same size of The Great Gatsby - just to give you an idea of what 50 , 000 words look like . Anyway , I went to my computer to add the line that I had been thinking about , and when I opened Word , I couldn 't find my novel ! I didn 't panic at first , because I thought , surely it 's backed up somewhere on the hard drive . I could not find it . While I 'm frantically scanning everywhere I can think to look , I 'm simultaneously thinking how am I going to rewrite all those pages ? And to make it worse , the jump drive wasn 't showing up on my computer 's screen . I 've been leaving the jump drive plugged in . I 've used a PC for years , and this is my first Mac , so I 'm not as familiar with its machinations . I thought to touch the jump drive which is plugged into the back of the computer screen - it 's different on a PC . When I touched it , the jump drive icon lit up on the screen . Oh , thank You , God ! So I immediately printed them out in order to have a hard copy of it . I will print out every 5 pages I write each day , so just in case , I will have a copy . I wasn 't worried about losing my novel on the computer until today . Unlike with my dissertation , I had copies of it stashed everywhere , in case the house burned down . I gave a copy to Wayne to keep at his office , my typist had a copy at her house , and I had two copies at home . This was in the days of the floppy disc , and I had copies of the disc everywhere , too . The dissertation was the culmination of 10 years of work , and if I lost it , I don 't know how I would have coped . Luckily , I did not have to find out because I didn 't lose it . When I first started out as a school social worker , I had a supervisor who lost my statistics that we had to hand in at the end of every month . I loved Robert LeBlanc , and he was a good supervisor , but he did have a tendency to lose things . The first time he told me he lost my statistics , which had taken a long , arduous time to compile , I started making copies of everything I handed in to him . So that 's when I started making copies of whatever I was working on and didn 't want to lose . Robert was the person responsible for me getting the job with the Orleans Parish School Board . I had been working as a counselor / probation officer with the District Attorney 's Diversionary Program , where first time felony offenders could complete a counseling program , reimburse victims for any monetary loss , and be on probation for a set amount of time . At the end of their probationary period , their arrest record would be expunged . One of the clients who came through the program was deaf , and he was a student at McMain High School , where there was a program for deaf and hearing impaired students attending ( deaf and hard - of - hearing ) . Robert was the school social worker for the deaf and hearing impaired students , and when he came with his client , he told me about the program in Special Education . I had no idea about school social work , but I wanted to be able to communicate with my client . My boss at the time , Bob , agreed that I could attend sign language classes at Delgado Community College four days a week for 8 weeks . The classes were in the morning for about three hours . In order to become more fluent in sign language , we had to do ten hours of contact with deaf people . One lady in the class suggested finding a deaf church , and I started attending the Canal Street Baptist Deaf Church in New Orleans . It was a small group , but the minister , Donnie Wiltshire , was gifted , and I got so much out of attending there . The deaf people were kind to me , and I was about the only hearing person there , so I had lots of opportunity to practice my sign language skills . It got to the point that I used to talk to myself in sign language . Every time I listened to the radio , I would sign the songs , even when I was stopped at a red light - that would get some looks from other drivers , and when I realized that it looked crazy , I signed below the steering wheel . I worked at the District Attorney 's office as a diversionary counselor for four years . When Robert was going to switch from being a school social worker to working with the PuMcDonogh 24 , McMain , Livingston , Beauregard , Schwartz , Edna Karr , Robert E . Lee , Fortier , George Washington , Danneel , Carver , Ben Franklin . Navigating my way around the schools was another thing I had to learn . Some of those school buildings were huge . I remember so many of the students and can still see their faces in my mind , and all the different personalities . Just the other day , I ran into one of the teachers from McDonogh 24 . What a full life I 've had with so many people . . . Some of the schools had large numbers of deaf students , and some had only one student who needed assistance . I 'd check in with each school weekly , but by the end of two weeks , I went to my supervisor 's supervisor , and I said , " If you want to kill the only social worker you have that knows sign language , this is a good way to do it . " She realized that 17 schools a week was too much , and she cut the number of schools down to 11 . It was still too much , but doable . I always did have a lot of energy . Lots of the names of the schools have been changed because the people the schools had been named for were slave owners . At the time they decided this , I thought to myself , " Yeah , change the names , but what about changing the environment ? The school buildings are falling apart . " The students I worked with had different levels of ability . Some were extremely intelligent , and some were unable to communicate at all , couldn 't walk , and some were blind as well as deaf , and some were autistic , blind , deaf , and developmentally delayed . Back in the days I worked with this population , developmentally delayed was " retarded , " but that term isn 't used any more . When I couldn 't work directly with the students who were developmentally delayed in multiple areas , I worked with the teachers and parents of the children . I was only one social worker with so many students , so I worked in groups with the kids . Most of the time , I was teaching social skills . Their parents hadn 't learned sign language , so there were lots of things that were not communicated to their children . I ended up teaching them things that parents should have been teaching . That 's where I got the idea for my dissertation topic of family communication patterns and self - esteem in relation to deafness . The group of students at Danneel Pre - Vocational School were deaf , but didn 't know much sign language , as they were developmentally delayed . I communicated with them using art . I would bring art books , and they 'd draw what they saw . Some of those kids were talented to the point of being savants . I brought some figure drawing books , but that stopped when Jeffrey 's mom told the teacher , " I don 't want him drawing pictures of naked ladies . " So we improvised and drew other subjects . That 's when I started going to art galleries and getting ideas about things my kids could draw . I would look at the art hung up in galleries , and some of it , I thought to myself , my kids could do better ! And the prices ! Why would someone pay $ 4000 for a big canvas painted red ? Well , it 's almost noon , and I 've only had one cup of coffee , so I 'm going to eat breakfast and read the paper . The front page of the Times - Picayune shouts " Obama Triumphs . " Gotta read all about it . This has been a stream of consciousness entry . I never know where this blog will take me . While I was typing , I saw what I thought was some of Violet 's black fur on the carpet , but it turned out to be a huge spider . I screamed and stepped on it , but had to try to kill it three times . It 's hard to kill a spider on carpet . Walter came in and would have eaten it , but I yelled , " Leave it ! " We 're going to take Walter to the dog park at Bonnabel , and then we 're going to Baskin - Robbins for ice cream . Going there is better than buying a gallon of ice cream from Winn - Dixie - we 'll just have a little ice cream instead of a gallon . I 'm sure our cardiologist would approve . . . . After we come home from our outing , Walter is getting a bath . And then , if there 's time , I 'll run to physical therapy and do my fitness routine . At 6 : 30 tonight , the novel writing group is meeting , and I 'm bringing my 30 pages . I told Wayne I want a telescope for my birthday , so we 'll have to go looking . I 'm not a stickler for having my present exactly on my birthday . In fact , I still haven 't gotten the microscope I wanted for last year 's birthday . I guess it 's more the idea than actually having it . I 'll get it eventually . And eventually we 'll go out to eat at the Pelican Club to celebrate my birthday . Then for Wayne 's 50th birthday , I gave him 50 presents . I remember I got this idea from my friend , Gayle . Maybe she was the one who first gave me 30 presents on my 30th birthday , or was it 40 presents on my 40th ? We were at Home Depot today after we 'd gone to vote , and we were buying daffodil bulbs . I walked down the Christmas decoration aisle , and I spotted the most unusual lighting display . It was a peacock , and it was gorgeous . I found Wayne , and I told him , " I 'm buying this peacock ! " He said , " Good , that can be your birthday present . " I said , " One of them ! " I love costuming at Mardi Gras and Halloween . I confess I have costumes for my animals , but they do not appreciate being dressed in the outfits . This Halloween , as I have done for many past Halloweens , I put on my angel wings , and I coaxed Walter into His own angel wings and halo . Then we went to the chiropractor 's office . Derek and Angelle Stratton are a husband and wife team of chiropractors . They let me bring Walter inside the office . From there , we went to physical therapy . I brought Walter in , and he got lots of love from people there . We were having so much fun , that I decided to pop into the post office next door . It 's so funny when people see you dressed up . I think they 're not sure how they 're supposed to react . Any way , I went inside the post office and asked for the lady who knows me and knows that I wear angel wings on occasion . She wasn 't in , but I asked the post office employees behind the counter to tell her that the lady with wings came by to see her , and to let her know that I brought my dog with wings and a halo to see her , too . Can you just picture that ? Walter and I went home , where I praised him for being such a good sport . I drove back to physical therapy , but this time , without wings . . . Wayne 's brother came to visit from Hawaii . They hadn 't seen each other since Gramps ' funeral in 1995 . He flew in on October 22 , which is their sister 's birthday . This was JoAnn 's birthday surprise - pretty extravagant , right ? Roy has been working in a lab in Hawaii for the past fourteen years , and he 's been incommunicado until JoAnn tracked him down . He started e - mailing and calling , and eventually , he said he would come and visit . I told him , " If you 're going to come visit , do it soon . You know your brother had stents in 2007 , and his heart stopped on the table . Don 't wait too long . " Roy had already bought his airline ticket , and then Wayne had a heart attack on October 11 . I didn 't tell either Roy or JoAnn until after Wayne was home and the crisis had passed . Wayne got out of the hospital on Thursday , October 18 , and Roy arrived the following Monday . Wayne met him at the airport , and when I woke up , there was a message on the answer machine , " Roy was hungry , so we went to get a roast beef po - boy . " My heart fell , and I sighed , thinking of the amount of sodium in a roast beef po - boy . Well , the rest of the week was a culinary tour of New Orleans for Roy as he indulged in all the things he hadn 't had in Hawaii . Wayne cooked a chicken , andouille , shrimp , and okra gumbo , and we ate that Monday night for the birthday party . Of course , there was cake and ice cream ( German Chocolate with Tin Roof Sundae ) . The next day , we went to some of their old stomping grounds . We saw Gramps and Granny 's house and visited another friend , Trapper , who kept us enthralled with stories of some of his adventures . Wayne showed Roy some of Hurricane Katrina 's handiwork . That night , more gumbo . Wednesday , we ate lunch at Drago 's and had raw oysters , char grilled oysters , and fried seafood . We drove to the French Quarter and walked through the all the booths in the French Market . We got coffee and beignets at Morning Call in Fat City . That afternoon , Roy helped me give Walter a bath . Walter absolutely loved Roy . I told my niece that she 'd be jealous if she saw how Walter had taken to Roy . Walter did something he 's never done before . He took a running leap and jumped on to Roy 's lap while he was seated on the sofa . Roy said it was like having a linebacker come at him . The next day , Wayne and Roy went fishing with one of Wayne 's buddies , Jeff , who is a fishing guide . They caught masses of white trout , and they filleted all of them . Can 't remember - did we eat boiled crabs that night ? Sunday , we met up with some more friends , Bob and Dianne , and we ate at another seafood restaurant , so Roy could eat boiled crabs and raw oysters . Afterwards , we went to a grocery store so he could get some file , beignet mix , and Community coffee , to bring back as souvenirs for all the guys he works with . Monday , we got up early so Roy could be at the airport for 6 a . m . When we left the airport , Wayne and I ate at IHOP . He was good - he had a heart healthy omelet . Now we 're trying to get back to eating according to his cardio diet : low sodium and low fat . It was nice having Roy visit , and I 'm glad he got to be with his brother and sister . I 'm really glad JoAnn did the legwork of finding Roy and initiating communication again . He already said he 's planning to return in the spring . Walter will be waiting . . . . We took Walter for a walk around 10 p . m . We just walked around the block because Wayne said he wasn 't feeling well . He didn 't even want to talk . He said all he wanted to do was go home and go to bed . About an hour later , he said he just couldn 't get comfortable and he was hurting . I asked him where his pain was , and he said in his jaw and in his biceps . My internal alarm went off , and I said , " Time to call 911 ? " He said , " Call an ambulance . " I sprang into action , and told the 911 operator that I thought my husband was having a heart attack because of the location of his pain . She said an ambulance was on its way . I told Wayne to take some aspirin and to sit up . I grabbed a bag and stuffed it with our cell phones , wallets , a sweatshirt , something to read , and my interferential current therapy unit . I got a thermos of ice water and my keys , and then I put Walter in the kennel . I turned on the front porch light , unlocked the door , and I kept checking on Wayne to make sure he was still breathing ( ! ) . It took the ambulance about 15 minutes to get to our house . They emergency medical techs loaded Wayne into a stretcher and into the ambulance . I watched from the back window of the ambulance as they put electrodes on his chest and did an EKG . Then they said they were taking him to the emergency room at Ochsner . I got in my car and followed right behind the ambulance , thinking all the while that Wayne was going to die , and I was going to be planning his funeral . The hospital was only about 12 minutes away . I parked the car and went into the hospital with the EMT 's and Wayne on a stretcher . It was about midnight by this time . The EMT named Scott gave all the information about Wayne to the admitting nurse . I was directed to someone else who asked for Wayne 's insurance card . Then I was back waiting in the ER hall with Wayne . The ER doctor asked Wayne what his symptoms were . The doctor seemed so calm , and so did all the nurses . Pretty soon , a room in the ER was available , and Wayne was wheeled into the room . We waited and hadHe 'd already been prepped and put into a hospital gown . I kissed him as he was wheeled into the cardiac unit , and I waited in a tiny room right outside the unit . I texted our minister , Wayne 's boss , his sister , my brother and cousin , and several of Wayne 's friends . I didn 't expect anyone to answer because it was so late . Wayne had been worried about who was going to take his place at a meeting he was supposed to be going to at 9 in the morning . Any time you have to go to the emergency room , you know it 's going to be a long wait . I was thankful I 'd packed a protein bar , gum , and a sweatshirt , and that I 'd brought water , a book on tape , and my interferential current therapy unit . I sat and listened to my book and waited . After about 40 minutes , Dr . Subramaniam came out of the unit and talked to me . She recognized me from all that long time ago . She said that he had one artery that was completely blocked and she 'd put a stent in it . He would have a follow - up visit with her in two weeks . I was relieved . I 'd been through this before with stents and knew this procedure . But Wayne had never had a heart attack before . It must have been about four in the morning by this time . Wayne was wheeled out of the cardiac unit , and he was a little drowsy from the fentanyl and versed he 'd been given . I kissed him , and the nurse said to give her about 20 minutes and then I could come to his room in the ICU . I found his room and sat in the chair next to his bed and held his hand and rested my head on the bed . I was so grateful that he was OK . The nurse gave me a brochure and a small card that explained about the stent implant location . His stent was in the OM - Obtuse Marginal . Wayne is supposed to carry the card with him - the card has a sticker with the stent 's size , lot number , and reference number . Who knew ? Messages started coming in on the cell phone . Our minister said he would come by about 8 a . m . Wayne 's boss texted me , " Which Wayne ? Who is this ? " I think it was hard to believe that this had happened , and when it happens to someone around your age , you think it could happen to you , too . Everyone was shocked when they heard what had happened . Our minister had e - mailed the prayer request in to Al , who leads the prayer meeting , so everyone in church was praying for Wayne . About 6 : 30 or 7 , breakfast was brought in for Wayne . The doctor had said that from now on , it was low sodium for him . Our minister and his wife came to visit and pray with us about 8 : 30 . Another comfort . You have no idea how much it means until you 're in the hospital yourself . I remember waiting to have surgery , and Earline , our assistant pastor , came in to pray with me . When I saw her , I announced to all of my fellow patients in the holding room awaiting their surgeries , " There 's my minister ! " All of us were happy she came to see me ! I was worried about Walter needing to go outside to pee , and I called our pet sitter . Thank God , she had a key to our house even though we haven 't gone on vacation in two years . After Wayne talked with his boss , who reassured Wayne that he didn 't need to worry - he would make sure that someone from the office would be at the 9 o ' clock meeting , I decided it was OK for me to go home and sleep . I kissed Wayne and let him rest . There were lots of phone calls and texts to return . My brother and cousin and stepmom offered to come . I told them if I needed them , I would definitely ask , but it was OK right now . I returned to the hospital and stayed with Wayne until the ICU visiting hours were over . He 'd told me the doctor said there wasn 't much damage to his heart . I hadn 't even known to ask that question when Wayne 's sister and stepmom had asked me . Dr . Subramaniam said it was OK for Wayne to go home the next day . I slept Thursday night , and then , Friday morning , I was awakened by the phone . It was Wayne saying , " Come get me ! " I got dressed quickly and got to the hospital . The only restriction Dr . Subramaniam gave him was that he couldn 't lift anything more than five pounds . She had given Wayne three new prescriptions , so we stopped at CVS on the way home . Wayne took a shower , and I know he was glad to be home . He didn 't have any pain at all . Our minister came by with a salad and some fruit that his wife had put together for us . We were trying to institute compliance with the doctor 's orders . Wayne slept well that night , and the next afternoon , our friends , Bob and Dianne came over to visit and brought three ( ! ) low sodium cookbooks and three bottles of Frere Jean low sodium Cajun seasoning . It was four o ' clock , and both of us were still in our PJ 's . Dianne had said that she didn 't call before they came over because she thought surely we would be dressed . I told her , " What for ? We were resting all day ! " Wayne and I quickly threw on some clothes . That night we had the rest of the salad our minister 's wife had made for us . We were both in church on Sunday , and everyone came up to Wayne to hug him and tell him how glad they were to see him . They 'd all been surprised to hear that he 'd had a heart attack . Many of the women asked me how I was . I told them I was OK , but that it was going to be hard to keep Wayne on a low sodium diet . I was trying not to be hyper vigilant about salt in his diet . They sympathized with me and hugged me . They told me they would be praying for Wayne and for me , too . Wayne and I took it easy that afternoon . We watched a movie , and we took a short walk with Walter . Both of us were recovering from the whole hospital ordeal . I woke up at 6 : 30 Monday morning to Wayne shouting , " Debra , wake up ! Call 911 ! " I 'd been sleeping hard , and it took Wayne several times of shouting , " Debra , wake up , " before I clambered up from the depths of sleep . I asked , " What 's wrong ? " He said he was having chest pains . As soon as I realized what he was saying , I popped up out of bed and ran to the phone to call 911 . I told Wayne to take aspirin . The ambulance got there in about 10 minutes , and then another ambulance came . The first EMT 's were going off duty , but they were closer , so they came to the house until the the second ambulance and EMT 's got there . I was rushing around grabbing things - insurance cards , cell phones , water , book on tape , protein bar , etc . All of a sudden , I realized my neighbor , Amy , was in the house . She asked , " What can I do ? Do you want me to come to the hospital with you ? " I asked her to please walk Walter and gave her a key to the house . Outside some more neighbors were gathered by the ambulance , and I told them what had happened . The EMT 's gave Wayne an EKG in the ambulance and also gave him nitroglycerin . They told me they were bringing him to Ochsner 's ER . I followed in my car , praying that I wouldn 't be stopped by the police because I was speeding . When we got to the ER , the nurses said , " I remember you . Weren 't you just in here ? " Wayne joked that he missed them and wanted to come back . Dr . Subramaniam was on her way - the EMT 's had alerted the ER , so the cardiologist had been called already . She said they were going to go back into his heart with the angiogram , and she would do the procedure the next day . Wayne was going to be admitted from the ER to the hospital , but it was full ! We had to wait until the afternoon until a bed was available . Finally , he got a room . This was a private room with a shower . I joked that it was like having a hotel room except he was hooked up to all kinds of monitors . I went back home , showered , and fell into a deep sleep . I woke up hearing a lawn mower , but went back to sleep . When I finally gotWayne was scheduled to have the angiogram Tuesday morning , but Dr . Subramaniam had an emergency . She walked into Wayne 's hospital room around 1 or 2 that afternoon and explained that she wasn 't going to do the procedure at 5 or 6 , since she 'd had the emergency , but that she 'd do it Wednesday morning , first thing . Wayne said , " Good . I want you fresh ! " I left the hospital that afternoon , got something to eat , and then returned to sit next to Wayne . I was texting and calling everyone to keep them up to date with what was happening . After a while , I left and went home , fed all the animals , took my vitamins , and went to sleep . I was going to get there early for Wayne 's procedure scheduled for 7 : 30 . When I got to Wayne 's hospital room Wednesday morning , our minister was already there . He and I walked with Wayne as he was wheeled into the cardiac unit . Tim waited with me through the procedure . I told him I appreciated him waiting but that he didn 't have to do that . He said that with heart procedures , he felt better about waiting with me until we knew what was going on with Wayne . About 40 minutes later , Dr . Subramaniam came out into the tiny waiting room and explained what had happened . She did the angioplasty , and she couldn 't get the stent in until she used the balloon to expand the artery . She put one stent in , and then she put another further in to open the artery . The first stent was in the proximal RCA - Right Coronary Artery , and the second was in the Ostial RCA . Still not sure what ostial is except that it was further in . Wayne was wheeled back to the Cardiac ICU , and I sat with him . His food cart came at lunch , and he ate a little and went back to sleep . I left to go get some lunch . All through this , since last Wednesday , I had lost my appetite , but I was eating just for fuel . I was trying to take care of myself to be in good shape to be able to take care of Wayne . We had no groceries in the house , because Wayne had been in and out of the hospital almost a week . I went to the grocery store to get a few things . I got no - sodium chicken broth to make a spicy pumpkin soup I 'd seen a recipe for in the Sunday paper . If Wayne couldn 't have sodium , he could have other spices at least . Thursday morning , Wayne called . He said Dr . Subramaniam was releasing him . Yay ! It took a while for the paperwork to be processed , but he finally got discharged about one that afternoon . On the way home , we dropped off some more prescriptions from Dr . Subramaniam . Wayne was feeling good , and it was beautiful outside , so we took Walter for a short walk around the block . I checked in with him a lot : " How are you feeling ? Any pain ? Do you have your nitro in your pocket ? Did you take your medicine ? Did you see how much sodium that has on the label ? " Any way , here it is November 2nd . Wayne 's doing well . Wayne went to church that Sunday . Everyone was shocked that he had gone back in the hospital again , and they were so happy to see him after all of that . He 's not supposed to used a razor because he 's on blood thinners . We haven 't gotten an electric razor , so he 's letting his beard grow in . It 's all white , so he looks a little like Santa Claus . I want to get him a blue sea captain 's hat because that 's another thing he resembles , a Greek sea captain . Every day is precious , and I 'm glad he 's OK . We 're both taking it easy , and he 's not going to work until next year . His boss told him , " When you come back to work , you 're taking a day off every week . " I 'm so happy he said that . After the first hospital episode , Wayne was saying he 'd be back at work after two weeks . I didn 't say anything . The the next heart episode happened , and he said he 'd be back at work by December 1st . I suggested that since December had a long Christmas break , he might as well consider taking that month off , too , since he has the sick leave and vacation leave available . So he decided not to go back to work until January . He has his follow - up visit with his cardiologist next Monday . I 'm going with him . I 've been needing to write all this down , but this is the first time I 've been able to write . As I have been writing , I realize how much happened . He got out of the hospital October 18th . It 'll be about 6 weeks before he starts cardio rehab . He said the doctor wants to make sure the stents are firmly implanted before he does cardio exercise . Wayne 's brother came to visit on October 22nd , but that 's a story with pictures for another time . . . This is my longest post yet . And I started it right after I wrote 1823 words for NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writing Month - a program at my libray . OK - enough writing for one night . I started writing at about 9 : 30 , and now it 's 3 o ' clock in the morning . Go to sleep ! It 's been a year now that I 've been retired . I have had three surgeries , and my activity level has been limited . I 've taken up cooking and haven 't really worried about dieting . So I went to my cardiologist for my annual check - up . He was upset about my cholesterol levels . I told him I 'd tried an experiment and stopped my cholesterol medicine and started taking red yeast rice instead . Well , my cholesterol is higher than it 's ever been . So much for that experiment . I told my doctor I 'd gotten a dog , but since the surgery , I hadn 't been able to walk him that much , but Wayne had been walking the dog and lost 15 lbs . Then my doctor said , " And you found them ! " I was shocked because he 's never said anything about my weight before . When I told him I started cooking since I 've been retired , he asked , " Are you watching those cooking shows ? " I said , Yes ! " He said , " Are you trying to kill yourself ? " Now my doctor is a very unassuming man , and I never expected him to be so upset about my results . OK , so I 'm back on Crestor , just 5 mg a day . I 've been able to do more minutes on the recumbent exercise bike at physical therapy , so I 'm getting more activity . I go back in a few weeks to see if my cholesterol levels have decreased . The same week , I went back to my orthopedic surgeon to follow - up on my knee arthroscopy . I was concerned because there 's more swelling around the knee . He comes in and looks at my knee , listens to what I have to say , and then he says , pointing to one side of my knee " This is fluid , " and then pinching the other side of my knee , he says , " but this is fat ! " Oy vey ! Two doctors in one week giving me grief about fat ! I tell very few people how much I weigh . I told one friend , and she said , " you don 't look like you weigh that much ! " I remember when we were going to take a helicopter to fly to Havasu Falls , in the western part of the Grand Canyon . The helicopter people asked each of us how much we weighed . I made Wayne go far away so he couldn 't hear me tell them my weight . I never get on the scale at the doctor 's office . The scale is right out in the open , and everyone can hear how much you weigh . I don 't know how medical personnel don 't realize this is as confidential as all the other information they collect . When they try to get me on the scale , I just tell them , " I don 't weigh . " I figured out a long time ago , that if getting on the scale at the doctor 's office was something I hated so much that it would prevent me from going to the doctor , then I would not get on the scale . I 'll tell them how much I weigh if I 'm in the examination room , but not in front of everyone . I 've gotten better about it , especially because the nurses asking me my weight look like they weight the same as I do , if not more . It 's the same reason I don 't have a problem getting in a swimsuit at the health club . I figure there are people there who are bigger than I am , so if it 's not a problem for them , it 's not an issue for me . You see four cats on the bed . This is a king size bed . I didn 't put the cats there . They did this all on their own . They didn 't leave much room for us , but I don 't really think they were that concerned about us . Posted by This afternoon , our church had the second annual blessing of the animals . We didn 't have Walter last year at this time , so this was the first occasion he got to participate . Walter is excitable by nature . I 'm wondering how old he will have to be to become a good visiting pet therapy dog . I got him to sit down in front of me , and I stroked his ears over and over . It seems to work in calming him . The whole experience only lasted half an hour . I told Walter that now he had to be good because he was blessed and didn 't have any choice in the matter . We 'll see . . . For years now , we try to do at least one fun thing every week . I told my students to do one fun thing every week so often , that the first thing they 'd ask me on Monday morning was " What fun thing did you do this weekend ? " It 's a good plan , right ? So yesterday , Wayne suggested taking a boat ride at the Bonnet Carre Spillway . I said , " Let 's bring Walter ! " I wish I 'd brought my camera and taken a picture of Walter on the boat . It was unlike anything he 's experienced before - I 'm guessing , since we didn 't have him the first six months of his life . It took a bit of coaxing to get Walter to jump from the pier to the boat . He sat in front of me while Wayne was behind us at the steering wheel of the boat . Walter was taking everything in as we motored slowly away from the dock . Then Wayne gave the boat gas , and away we flew ! Walter didn 't know which way to look . He finally settled on looking toward the back of the boat , letting the wind part his fur . Wayne cut the motor so we could drift and get close enough to see an alligator . All we could see of him was his snout and his eyes . Just from that , Wayne could tell that the alligator was probably about four feet . We saw three kinds of birds : egrets , anhingas , and great blue herons . At the end of the boat ride , Walter was ready to get all four paws on steady ground . It took more coaxing to get him to jump from the bow of the boat onto the pier . This may be the start of Walter 's going out fishing with Wayne . I guess that now we need a life jacket for Walter . . . Every once in a while , the cats will get themselves in unexpected places . I was doing exercises on the floor , and I just happened to look up when I saw my gray cat in the fireplace . Don 't know why he likes it there , but it 's not the first time he 's done this . My friend , Patty , said that one of her all - time bucket list items was to find a baby on her doorstep . Easy enough to help , right ? I went to the Dollar Store and found a baby doll , got a basket from the attic , and put the baby doll in the basket , left it on her doorstep , and then rang her bell . She was amazed and laughed so much . You should have seen the delight on her face . Who wouldn 't want to make someone that happy ? I 'm always looking for new baby dolls whenever I go to the toy departments of stores . Lo and behold , the other day , I saw twin baby dolls ! ! ! ! Of course , I had to buy them , because what 's better than one baby in a basket on your doorstep ? Twins on your doorstep ! I went back into the attic to find another basket ( I have a lot of baskets - not sure why ) , and I arranged the twin baby dolls in the basket . I put the basket on her doorstep and left . Later that day , I got a call . " You made my day ! " Funnest thing ever , right ! Find out what 's on your friends ' bucket list , and if there 's any way you can be instrumental in helping them complete their lists , do it . Hint , hint , I would like to taste Cristalle champagne . Recently got to taste Dom Perignon champagne , so I have that completed . Oh , and I would love to see the Northern Lights . . . . I caught up with reading the newspaper today . I read Friday 's , Saturday 's , Sunday 's , and Monday 's paper . I read accounts of people who had to be rescued from the flood of Hurricane Isaac . It never fails to make me weep . Part of me wants to turn away because I can hardly bear to read it , but part of me has to read it to bear witness . We lost power sometime in the middle of Tuesday night or early Wednesday morning . We 'd put the thermostat on 66 degrees to make the house as cold as we could because we knew we 'd lose power and that meant no air conditioning . We 'd spent Tuesday battening down the hatches , in preparation for high winds . Wednesday , Hurricane Isaac made landfall . Wind and rain all day long . Wayne and I played cards and talked and napped . We had power bars for breakfast and sandwiches for lunch and dinner . Every hurricane season , you know the drill : buy bread , peanut butter and jelly , tuna fish , Vienna sausage , crackers , chips . It 's either that or wait in line to get MRE 's ( Meals Ready to Eat ) . MRE 's are a whole topic in themselves . I don 't think any of us not in the military had ever tasted one before Hurricane Katrina . They 're about 3000 calories each ! During recovery from Katrina , I ate everything in one before I knew that . When I told Wayne that I was so full , he said , " I guess so - they have 3000 calories . Those are for soldiers ! " The funny thing about MRE 's is that all the entrees taste the same . My favorite part was the dessert . When we awoke Thursday , we surveyed the damage . Not too bad . Just a lot of tree limbs down . The fence was leaning more than it had before the storm , but it was still standing . The backyard was a swimming pool because of all the rain . We had trouble using cell phones - even texting wasn 't working . Wayne had trouble getting the generator to work . We 'd bought it in 1996 in North Carolina because we 'd been through Hurricanes Bertha and Fran . Our neighbor across the street offered us coffee because he 'd gotten his generator working . Thank God for coffee ! He was so sweet , he even offered to cook us eggs and bacon for breakfast . He had a gas stove . We started picking trees limbs up and raking all the leaves and moss from the lawn . Everyone was out in our neighborhood and checking in with each other to see how they 'd done during the storm . Some people had lost shingles and had major roof damage with leaking . Wayne was finally able to get through on his cell phone to one of his friends who gave him some ideas about getting the generator started . Generators are LOUD , but they are necessary if you want any kind of electricity after the storm . He was able to get it to work , and we gave our next door neighbors an extension cord so they could run their refrigerator and fan . Usually when there 's a hurricane , everyone loses all the food in the refrigerator , and it 's a big , stinky mess . Luckily , that didn 't happen this time , mainly because we didn 't evacuate . We had thought we would , but according to the weather reports , Isaac would only be a Category 1 or 2 , so we stayed . The newscasters did say it was slow - moving and there would be a lot of rain . Isaac was 4 / 5 the size of Katrina , so it was a big storm . There was storm surge , too , so lots of homes were flooded in St . John Parish and across the lake . A levee down in Plaquemines Parish broke , and there was widespread flooding . Shades of Katrina . We got all our information from a battery - operated radio that Wayne has had forever . Mother Nature presented us with a 7th anniversary Katrina present : Hurricane Isaac . How ironic is it that Isaac made landfall the same day as Katrina ? I think we will all know the date of August 29th . I worked in the yard until my legs swelled - knee surgery 6 weeks ago - not exactly the physical therapy I should have been doing . But I 'm glad we worked as hard as we did just to get it done . I showered and rested the rest of the day . I had plenty of batteries so I could listen to my book on tape : The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane . I also used my flashlight to read another book , The Summer Guest . I felt like a little kid reading by flashlight . Friday , we were able to make coffee by unplugging the refrigerator from the generator , just long enough to get the coffee brewing . Wayne had to service the generator every morning and evening , making sure it had enough oil and gas . I 'm so glad he knows how to do that . I guess I should learn , too . Wayne reported for work Friday even though , officially , the state government offices were closed . That 's how it goes . I decided to start cleaning inside . I went through different parts of the house and cleaned the kitchen pantries , the utility room counter and drawers , the bathroom closets and drawers . I had to do something so I wouldn 't go crazy . My cell phone died , so I couldn 't reach anyone . No TV or computer . I listened to the radio while I cleaned . Wayne came home that night with Popeye 's fried chicken . Best fried chicken ever ! Not technically , but just a nice change from what we 'd been eating . Saturday , he went back to work , and I tackled the garage . Wayne 's very picky about me cleaning the garage , because he says that 's his territory . I 'd told him I would just do the corner by the door in the garage . I started early in the morning , which for anyone who knows me is unusual because since I 've retired , I keep vampire hours . But without electricity , I was up with the chickens . And earlier was better because the heat became worse as the day progressed . After a few hours , I was dripping with sweat . I was satisfied with what I 'd accomplished in the corner of the garage . I went to take a shower . The water was cold enough to stop your heart . I told myself it was like jumping into a pool . Aghhhhhh ! I figured out how to charge my cell phone by taking out the lamp plug from the power strip attached to the generator . I don 't know why I hadn 't thought of that before . Simple things become complicated during storms . Back to reading the rest of the day . The heat just seemed to get worse , even with the fan blowing on me . I 'd been OK with the heat the previous days because it rained off and on every day , and it was cloudy . Saturday , no rain and very sunny . The cats just laid around , hardly moving . Walter was having anxiety . I could tell because he was chewing everything . Even standing directly in front of the fan , I could not cool off . My head started throbbing , and I felt like it would explode . Wayne called me to tell me that some friends of ours had gotten electricity the day before and had invited us for dinner . Oh , yes ! I left about 7 : 30 to drive to their house . It was a little scary because the lights were out and lots of businesses hadn 't gotten electricity back . That meant no stop lights . I 'd already gotten rear - ended Monday during the evacuation traffic , so I was a bit skittish about driving , although it was nice having the car air conditioner blowing on me . People actually seemed to be pretty orderly when stopping at the " unlit " stop light and taking their turn to go . At first , I couldn 't understand why the street was so full of traffic , but then I realized it was because the stop lights weren 't working . I got to our friends ' house and was so happy . Wayne arrived a short while later , and we ate dinner . Dianne had lots of vegetables with the chicken , which was wonderful . During hurricanes , you don 't exactly eat vegetables . You 're eating tons of carbs . Not the best time to be on diet . So I was thankful to be eating vegetables . While we were with our friends , Wayne got a call on his cell phone . It was our neighbor telling us we had electricity ! She didn 't say that actually : she said we had air conditioning . When you live in the humid , muggy , hot south , you come to appreciate air conditioning . I did a happy dance , and after thanking our gracious friends , we left and drove home . Thank God for air conditioning ! It had been 86 degrees in the house that day . As soon as we turned on the thermostat , we started to feel the house cooling down . How wonderful to be in a cool house . We both slept well that night . Sunday , Wayne had to report for work again . this is exactly what he had to do during Katrina . I went to church - they hadn 't gotten power back yet , but they had a generator and ran a fan . Everyone asked the same question : " Do you have power yet ? " Some people never lost power ! Don 't know how the power grid works . After church , I started doing laundry . Lots of it . The week of no air conditioning had made everything in the house damp - even the tile floor was wet from condensation . It was like living at the beach without the waves . And I made lots of phone calls - checking in with friends and relatives to let them know we were OK . I was able to get on the computer and connect with people and find out what they 'd experienced . It 's Labor Day - September 3rd . This is the one year anniversary of the day I retired . Life is good . Even with three surgeries this past year and Hurricane Isaac . Wayne had to work today , too . I gave Walter a bath . And I did more laundry . The washing machine and dryer have been going almost the whole day . The house is starting to feel better . Wayne came home with ground meat . After a storm , you never know what you 'll be able to get at the store . It was wonderful to eat spaghetti with meat sauce tonight . I put in the last batch of laundry and am getting ready to take my shower - in hot water , not bracingly cold ! I think all of us who 've experienced hurricanes are so grateful for things that we so often take for granted : food , air conditioning , telephones , gasoline , dry homes , safety . Jesus said for us not to worry about tomorrow because you just don 't know what the day will bring but He 'll provide . I have to remember that . This morning , I slept until I woke up - no alarm clock woke me . This is one of the best parts of being retired . For more than 35 years , I . . . Nobody tells you that being retired is weird . I was so happy to leave my job , but everyone else is still working . It 's a whole other w . . . |
This story is meant to do a public test of my story . What you are about to read is simply a preview of a ( much ) larger story . The story is already 44 pages long in Word and I 'm only on Act 3 of 5 . The following story is based on the Jeff the Killer and Jane the Killer creepypastas . It is just based on those . This is not part of the official cannon for these characters and I am only using them as characters . I will give a brief history / timeline on what has happened before the story took place . I have changed the background information and the characters themselves . If this annoys you , you may not want to read this story . Tell me what you thought about this story as I want criticism . I want to make this as good as I can . I hope you enjoy reading this . May 1st 2005 - Jeff 's first day at his new school , he is attacked by a boy named Randy and his gang of friends . Jeff fights them off . In a house across the street from where Jeff fought them off , Jane Arkensaw watched this through the window . May 5th 2005 - Jeff Everett is attacked by Randy and his gang at a birthday party and is horribly disfigured by them . Jane attempts to save Jeff but passes out upon seeing him on fire . She wakes up that day and her and her family are invited to dinner by the Everett family . All credit goes to moto0523 from deviantart . http : / / moto0523 . deviantart . com / May 9th 2005 - Jeff is taken home from the hospital . He is horribly disfigured . Jane stares at him through the window . Jeff looks at her with a satanic smile . Jane passes out . She wakes up 4 hours later with her house empty of people . Jeff has killed his family and Jane 's family and her best friends . Jane goes over to Jeff 's house with a kitchen knife and is captured by Jeff . Jeff pours bleach and gasoline on Jane and sets her on fire . She is rescued by a mysterious man . She is sent to the hospital . May 21st 2005 - Jane wakes up from a coma induced by her injuries . The Man could not be found after he rescued her . To her and the doctors surprise , after taking the bandages off , her skin has become an extremely bright white , her hair has become pitch black , and her eyes have become pitch black . Along with this her lips have become a very dark purple . May 22nd 2005 - Jane receives a letter from Jeff along with a package . Inside the package are a dress and the knife she brought with her to Jeff 's house . She hides the package from hospital staff . May 23rd 2005 - Jane runs away from the hospital in the middle of the night and visits her parents ' graves . She stays there and cries until about dawn . She then leaves and vows revenge against Jeff . She proceeds to hunt Jeff down and prevent him from harming anyone else . May 23rd 2005 - November 10th 2008 - Jeff the Killer has become a legend throughout the Midwest area . He has killed thousands of people over the 3 years Jeff has been on the loose . Jane has stopped him from killing a few ; however her effect has been negligible . All credit goes to moto0523 from deviantart http : / / moto0523 . deviantart . com / There she was , tied up in a chair . The legendary Jane the Killer caught in the middle of another failed attempt to stop Jeff the Killer . She had failed so many times before that she grew accustomed to it . Some days she wondered why she continued to search for him . Some days it seemed useless to her . But that was what Jeff wanted . He wanted her to break . She was the only person that was even the smallest obstacle in his way . She was the only person who was devoted to hunting him and the only person who would never stop . Even for as someone as deranged and crafty as Jeff would still want her dead . Then she remembered where she was . The last thing she needed was a pep - talk to herself about not giving up . " A dark room with a chair , the perfect place to be . At least no one 's going to set me on fire . At least I hope nobody does . " She thought . Suddenly a door she hadn 't seen opened . Two men came out . One was tall and muscular . The other was skinny and pale . " I never killed anyone . It 's just Jane . " She growled . The muscular man proceeded to light a cigarette . She could now make out his face , he had rather blue eyes . " Jack ? That some kind of pretend name ? " Jane said . She tried to keep any outstanding feelings to herself . " What exactly do you want from me ? Kill me ? Put me in prison ? What is it ? " Jane asked . " We need your help . " David spoke up . Jack used his lighter and lit a candle on the table . Jane had not noticed it until it was lit . She focused on what they were wearing . Jack seemed to be wearing a white t - shirt , jeans with a belt , and she couldn 't see what kind of shoes he was wearing . David was wearing a trench coat and jeans . She couldn 't make his shoes out either . " We know that your attempts to kill Jeff have all failed . We want the same thing as you , so we want you to work with us . " Jack explained . He let out a puff of smoke . Jane didn 't know what to say . She laughed ; she had nothing really to say . " I 've searched for him for three years . Look at what he 's done to me . He 's turned me into a monster and yet you believe that just because you have me that you can stop him ? If I can 't do it , nobody can . " Jane explained . Jack let out a puff of smoke . " Maybe you 're right . Why should we expect you to change our chances of stopping him ? But Jane , even still you said that you would find him and stop him . And we may be the best hope you have of doing that . " Jack explained . He pulled a chair over to the table and sat down . Jane thought about it some more . Then Jack spoke up again . " Well you see , some witnesses say Jeff seems to be able to teleport and other such supernatural features . It 's possible that more happened to Jeff on that day than we thought . " David interrupted . " That day . The day all this began . " Jane said calmly . She remembered everything . She remembered seeing Randy and his asshole friends hop the fence . She remembered seeing Jeff get the shit kicked out of him while the other two just stood there and watched with guns in their hands . She remembered running for her father 's phone and hearing the gunshots . She remembered seeing the fire . She remembered running out with the fire extinguisher . She remembered . . . she snapped . She began to cry in her seat . She remembered the time now lost . The time when she had parents . The time when she had friends . The time when she wasn 't chasing Jeff in a vain search for revenge . She remembered the good times . Now she was here . She was here forever . She could never go back . She was Jane Everlasting . She was Jane the Killer . Jane Arkensaw died that day with her parents . And from that , Jane Everlasting was born . " If Jeff has these powers , and you are correct . I will do anything in my power to help you . Jeff cannot live any longer . " Jane said , her voice shimmering with a quiet anger . " Alright then . " Jack said as he rose from his chair . He walked over and cut her out of her bondages . She rubbed her wrists . Jack whispered something to David and he proceeded to leave the room . " Jane , just be warned . We may never know what Jeff is truly capable of . " Jack said as his final word . He left . Jane sat there unknowing of what to do . She couldn 't believe that Jeff could have such abilities . She couldn 't believe that all this time she was chasing him that she didn 't notice it . His inherent ability to escape , to know where she was , to know that she was coming . She never thought that . " What the hell is wrong with you Jeff ? " Jane muttered . She had only known Jeff for such a short time . Yet this felt wrong . She stood there for a little bit . Contemplating on what exactly was with Jeff . Then the question rang in her mind . Jane and the other members of the group gathered around the old projector . David was trying to get it to work . The projector seemed to not be accepting the film David had put in . It seemed like if they used the thing for over a minute it would explode into a million pieces . Jane took a look around . All the men were whispering and talking amongst themselves . Jane felt a mixture of normality and being a complete fish out of water . It had been years since she was actually around human beings . She knew everybody was talking about her . She was sitting right next to the projector when David took a moment to look around the room to see everybody talking quietly . He looked down at her . " I 'm sorry about all this . They 've heard a lot of rumors about you and all that . " David said as he was setting up the projector . Jane looked up at him . " It 's been a while since I 've actually been around people . Yet alone talk to them . " Jane said . David seemed a little taken back that she responded . " Why are you here , you don 't seem like the kind of guy who would be a part of a group like this ? " " Um , after I lost my sister to him . Well , you see I was looking after my sister and it was her birthday and I forgot to get her a present . It was about midnight and I … I had a friend who was willing to keep his store past closing hours for me . I drove there thinking that it would only take five minutes . When I came back . . . let 's not talk about it . " David said it with a struggle . Jane looked down . " It 's okay David . He 'll pay for what he 's done , to all of us . " Jane said sympathetically . She didn 't have anything else to say really . She had been so disconnected from humanity for so long . " Thank you Jane . " David said still working on the projector . After about a minute Jack walked in . He sat down next to Jane . He didn 't say anything . He had a cigarette and took a draft . Jane saw this and didn 't know what to think about it . " Well maybe you aren 't as gloomy as I thought . " Jack said with a smile on his face . Jane had a smile too . She felt as though , for only a moment , everything that had happened to her , all the things that she had been through had momentarily washed away and she felt normal for once . However , the second that feeling past , a wave of memories flooded her mind . She began to cry once again . Not out loud but quietly to herself . Jack noticed however . " So I guess somewhere deep inside that ' monster ' , is a scared little girl . " Jack said with a somewhat sympathetic tone . Jane looked over at him , unable to speak . Before she was able to think too much into that comment David got the projector up and running . She wiped away the tears she didn 't realize were brimming over and everybody snapped their attention to the projector . David began his presentation . " Alright everybody , as I 'm sure many of you have noticed we 've acquired one of the most important assets in our whole war against Jeff , The Legendary Jane Everlasting . " The whole room erupted with clapping and cheering . Jane just sat there . " Alright , alright . Let 's get down to business . We 've been able to centralize where Jeff has taken up hiding during the day . While we can 't pinpoint where he is we do have a rough area . It 's about a quarter - mile radius surrounding four buildings : an old warehouse , an old refinery , and two abandoned houses . We 've scratched out one of the houses as it has completely collapsed in on itself . " David explained . " If our estimations are correct , then we 'll only have one shot at this . If we mess up or go to the wrong place , then he may know we 've found him and run for it . " Jack added . " We can 't wait to decide either . He 's smart and is probably making sure to keep that three building radius up . What we can do however , is use the daylight to our advantage . We can trail him in the morning after his next murder . I 'll try and injure him enough to make the trail more obvious and weaken him for when we strike . " Jane added . " Good ! We believe he may be heading to the Mictens ' house , we 'll give you the address later along with any gear you may need to stop him . " David replied . " No gear , we can 't left Jeff believe that I 'm working with you all . If he notices I may have a few extra tools than usual , he may be more careful . " Jane retorted . " Alright , we 'll give you the address and send you on your way . " David said . He fiddled around with the projector some more . Eventually another set of slides popped up . " Now , we have to talk about something very serious . We have some , rather strong evidence that Jeff may have supernatural abilities . " David explained as the room erupted with conversation . People were in disbelief that this was real . No one wanted to believe it , but when they truly thought about it , it made sense . " Many witness reports say that Jeff has been able to dodge bullets and see people coming from behind . Some even report him being in one room and then being in another . While none of this is confirmed , it is likely . Be careful of his abilities . Be careful . " David explained . The moment David stopped whispers arose , filling the room . Jane sat up and Jack shortly after . The lights went on and Jane began to stretch her arms . Jack 's cigarette was nearly gone at this point . He put it out and it was clear he thought about pulling out another one , he hesitated over his pack . He looked over at Jane . " I 'll show you how to get out of here and give you your things . " Jack said . Jane followed Jack to the room just before the door that led to the outside world . He handed her the kitchen knife , the same one she had brought over to protect herself with all those years ago . He also handed over the other things she had on her at the time , a few bucks , some old cell phone she converted to a police monitor and a few odds and ends . She examined each one carefully . Jack looked at her while she was doing this . " We didn 't bug your stuff . It 's fine . " Jack said . For some reason in her gut , she knew she could trust him . She stopped and was ready to leave . " Alright I 'm ready I guess . Where are we exactly ? " Jane asked . Jack whispered it into her ear . " 24 Alex Road " . She nodded her head in agreement . Jack opened the door and let her out . She walked out into the night sky . She stood there and took it all in , the cool night breeze against her body . She just took it all in . It was one of those moments where the world just seemed to wash away . She wore a dark hoodie that was open , a t - shirt underneath , jeans , and standard sneakers . An outfit she would 've worn before the incident . Suddenly she was snapped to reality when a voice from behind came up . " Jane ? Jane is that you ? " The Unfamiliar Man said . Jane turned around . She saw him . He was old and half his face was scarred . Except those scars were scars caused by burns . Jane went into a fighting stance . She had picked up a few things on hand - to - hand combat since the incident . " Who the hell are you ? " Jane asked accusingly . The man looked down . It was apparent he was very sad . He looked up again and held something in his hand . " My name is . . . John . I need you to trust me for a moment . I 'm here to tell you that Jeff knows that you 're going to follow him . He has set up traps to stop you . Here 's the map he 's made . " John said and he held out the map . John sighed and said , " You shouldn 't trust me . Go to the Mictens ' house . But whatever you do afterwards , do not follow Jeff on the path laid out . I 've laid out my own path , follow that one . Also Jane , Jeff is working with forces with powers and abilities beyond your belief . " He took a pause and said under his breath , " Jeff isn 't the only one with supernatural powers . " " Wait ! Who the hell are you ? ! " Jane shouted running after him . She eventually realized he was gone . With nothing left she decided to take his advice . Although something about him seemed oddly familiar , like she had seen him before . She left the area before anything weirder happened . She had traveled to the Mictens ' House . She was scouting it waiting for Jeff to strike . She was using the converted cell phone to scout if anyone was making any calls from inside the house . Nothing had happened yet . She began to wonder if Jeff had decided not to show up . She began to grow tired of waiting . Suddenly the converted cell phone went black . She tried turning it on but it wouldn 't , she checked the battery and it seemed to be full . For safety she replaced them . Still no result . Now she became more vigilant of the house . Then what she saw made her turn cold , more cold than she already was . She saw a tall creature . It was extremely thin . She squinted to try and see it better . It had no face . It barely had a nose . Then the final blow that really made her fill with fear was when she saw its back , which tentacles were protruding out of . Then his voice , his grinding terrible voice rang through the police monitor . " Hey there friend ! It 's me , your old friend Jeff . How you 've been Jane ? Good ? Well that 's about to be ruined . See that thing down there ? His name is the Slenderman . He 's my best friend ! Well friend may not apply here . Anyway , I can 't have you around messing up my plans . Slenderman 's going to make sure you don 't get in the god damn way . Goodbye Jane ! Oh and Jane , go to sleep for once . " Jeff rattled on through the radio menacingly . Right after he was done Slenderman turned towards Jane and started to walk towards her . Jane had to think fast . She had no idea what that thing was or how it operates . She grabbed her knife and began to run away . She hid behind a tree . However she began to hear loud piercing static . It continuingly got worse as Slenderman approached her . When it appeared to be unbearable she jumped out from behind the tree . She fell to the ground as the piercing static tore at her mind . She couldn 't take it anymore . Then suddenly she was swooped off the ground . Then the Slenderman spoke to her . " Jeff wishes you dead . Yet he causes pain without cause . Yet I obey The Truth . The Truth obeys Jeff . Could the Truth lie ? I will find out after . " He didn 't actually say it ; he said it in her mind . She struggled to escape his grasp . Suddenly without any warning the Slenderman tapped into her mind . Suddenly it flooded her mind full of all the painful moments in her life . All the pain she felt through her life rushed into her in one stream . It was agonizing for Jane . Suddenly , bullets whipped through the air hitting the Slenderman . It let go of her causing her to fall to the ground . She had trouble recovering after what she went through . The Slenderman retreated . She was thrown aback , but regained her footing . There she saw Jack reloading a rifle . " What the hell was that thing ? Are you okay ? " He put his hand on her shoulder . Jane brushed him off ; she took a moment to catch her breath . She grabbed her knife off the ground and stood up . " Thank you Jack , thank you for saving me . Jeff got away , but I know where he 's at . " Jane said . Jane gathered her things and was preparing to move out . " Wait just a second , I think you should rest for a bit . Whatever that thing did to you , it couldn 't have been good . Just take a bit , rest . I 'll watch your back . " Jack interrupted checking the area . Jane didn 't wish to wait any further . She was use to nights without sleep . She turned to Jack . " If Jeff knows I 'm here he may leave in the morning , and I am not going to let him get away again . " Jack seemed displeased with her decision . After much mental debate he decided to go along with her . His frown deepened . " Alright , go . I 'll follow from behind and keep an eye out . You get into any trouble just scream . " Jane nodded . They followed the map to the old warehouse where Jeff was . Jane followed the path that John had left for her on the map . It was very dark but at least she wasn 't going to get snagged up on one of Jeff 's traps . She couldn 't hear Jack behind her and was hoping he was still there . She didn 't want to call out to him in case of an ambush . After about an hour of following the trail finally it paid off . There it was , the warehouse Jeff was supposedly held up in . She scouted the area . There was no sign of anyone around . Jack came up beside her . " Alright , how you want to do this ? " Jane had no idea how she was going to approach this . She thought about it for the bit . She looked at the map for a second . She was hoping that maybe it might have a layout of the warehouse itself . Unfortunately there was nothing except for a mark indicating a back entrance . She had made up her mind . " Alright , there 's a back entrance . You take that . I 'll use the front entrance . If you see Jeff , find a good spot to keep watch of him . I 'll try to find Jeff myself and prevent him from escaping . If you see the Slenderman , don 't hesitate to shoot . " " You 're funny , now let 's get this going . " Jane said with her displeased tone . Jack chuckled again and headed off . Jane waited there for a bit until Jack was out of her sight . Jane then head towards the opening in the warehouse . It was large , larger than a warehouse should be . She knew Jeff had chosen this place for a reason . He was planning something and inside this warehouse was whatever that was . She walked over to where there was once a door . The door was missing , being torn away or intentionally removed . She entered the warehouse . It was surprisingly lit . The warehouse was full of boxes however most were incredibly old . Jane walked around a bit , trying to be as quiet as possible . She had to be especially careful as there were a lot of bits of glass and other destroyed objects that could blow her cover . Eventually she found something she thought she would never find . It was some kind of machine . It was large and expansive . At the center was a chair and headpiece . It was hooked up to a giant hull above with thousands of wire . Jane had no idea what to make of it . She couldn 't imagine what it could 've been . She looked around some more . Then something caught her attention . Jack was on the rafters . They locked eyes and he waved to her . She nodded her head in confirmation of his position . " Yes , its glorious isn 't it ? A machine with the power to amplify my psychic powers and turn them into the weapons we can use to turn this world into utter chaos . You see it , right False ? " One of the other men spoke . The man who spoke next was most likely the False since he spoke right after the other man did . " Brother , there are too many possible outcomes for the future . Until we get closer to the date when it will happen . . . " The False was cut off before he could continue . Suddenly it entered . The Slenderman entered the room . It spoke up surprisingly . " Truth , I have found there to be difficulties in this operation . " The Slenderman 's voice was impossible to forget . It was a very raspy voice ; however he always seemed to talk in a hush tone . It was also in a rather high pitch . After what he did to her , she 'd never forget what it sounded like . Jane imagined that this was the Truth , since it was the brother of the False and he spoke up after the Slenderman had finished . " Slendy , we need you to stay focused . Now we need to get ready to go out again . Jeff needs to take out a thorn in our side . " " Enough ! " The leader spoke up . " Jeff is with us . He 's on our side . Don 't get that confused Slendy . Jeff is one of our biggest assets . A distraction for use to acquire the tools we need to build the Loki . Now , Jeff needs your help . Understand ? " The leader said with a tone of anger . It was obvious he wasn 't having any of the Slenderman 's objections . " Yes I will go assist Jeff . " Slenderman spoke with an undertone of displeasure . Jane was unable to see anything . However she could tell that the three left , all except Slenderman . She couldn 't see what he was doing or what Jack was doing . Her anxiety was through the roof . Suddenly a voice called out to her . " Jane Arkensaw ? Second floor , office two . " Then the Slenderman proceeded to leave . Jane was terrified and confused at the same time . She knew that either way she would have to check that office . It was all she had to go on . She looked at Jack ; both nodded their head at each other . She saw the stairway that led to the next floor above her . She walked over to the stairs . They were old and rickety . She walked up them slowly trying to make as little sound as possible . When she reached the top there were five offices . She walked down the railway to the office that said ' office 2 ' . She walked in ; it looked like a normal office . This office however , was covered in dust and dirt . She looked through all the books and such trying to mess things up as little as possible . She found nothing . Jane was getting irritated at this point . She saw nothing to indicate that this office was special . Then she saw it . She looked at a binder . It was full of papers along with the rest of them . However this one had a black line down the bottom of the pages . She never noticed this before . She grabbed it and opened it up . Inside were blueprints for the machine outside the room , along with notes and such on the machine itself . The Crow was the leader of this group . He 's been planning something like this for years , and now his magnum opus had finally been accomplished . The next was the Truth . The Truth was a psychic who has been alive since 1903 . He gained his abilities in 1935 , when he was 32 years old . He hasn 't truly aged since that day . In 1971 he split into two beings . That 's where the False 's history began . The Truth originally had the abilities of both himself now and the False . Now both possess different psychic abilities . Before she could finish reading a large bang was heard outside . Jane ran out to see what it was . It was him . Jeff held two bottles of alcohol in his hands . It was clear he was drunk as he stumbled through the decayed warehouse . " Truth ? ! False ? ! Where the hell are you two ? You finish this stupid machine already ? I 'm getting tired of playing bait for you fools . " He took a swig from one of his bottles . " Ha ! Man I love these nights . Get back from a fresh murder , got the home all to myself , and I got some sweet sweet whiskey . Tonight 's a night for me ! " Jane watched this . She grew more and more angry at the bastard . She thought that this was her chance . This was the moment she would acquire her revenge . She looked at Jack . He knew exactly what she wanted . He nodded and took aim . He focused his sights , aimed , and then , in one quick moment , the shot of a bullet whizzed through the air . Then Jane was filled with horror . The bullet reached about a foot away from him , and changed direction away from him . The bullet flew straight up and hit the ceiling . Jeff stood there for just a moment . Both Jane and Jack were speechless , each with an expression of horror on their faces . " Well Jane , I guess Slendy wasn 't able enough to take you out . " Jeff said , filling Jack and Jane with even more horror . He turned around and looked directly into Jane 's eyes , the same look he gave her the day he murdered her family . Jane jumped from the railway to one of the boxes below and then to the floor . She held her knife close to her chest in her fighting stance . She had left the binder on the desk in the office . " So you found your way into my little home - away - from - home . Welcome Jane , it 's been a while since the last time I saw you . You still look just as beautiful as day I set you on fire . " Jeff said as a satanic grin stretched on his face . " Three years ? It seemed as though it was only yesterday when I shoved my blade through each and every one of your friends and family . Oh those were good times . " Jeff was still grinning . " Ah , this seems like a pretty anticlimactic place for our final battle . But I guess it 'll do . Hang on ; I need to put my whiskey down so it doesn 't get ruined . " Jeff said still smiling . He placed his two bottles of whiskey on a tall heavy box . He was certainly taller than Jane . She could never reach that box . Jeff pulled out his knife . A different knife than the one he used to kill her family . He licked it with his devilish grin , and proceeded to laugh afterwards . The two then proceed to dash at each other . Jeff tried for the first stab . Jane was able to deflect it . Both proceed in a series of trying to slash or stab the other , each being able to dodge or deflect any of them . Jane constantly kept coming at Jeff , her anger leading her into a rage . Jack kept monitoring the situation , making sure Jeff didn 't kill Jane , while not giving away his position . It continued like this , Jane and Jeff 's constant slashes and dodges rang through the air . It lasted like this for minutes , until Jane finally broke the stalemate . Jane charged at Jeff , causing him to dodge backwards . He tripped due to him being drunk and not seeing something on the ground . In his attempt to stand up , Jane was able to stab Jeff in his shoulder . Jeff yelped in pain . " Aw you bitch ! " Jeff screamed trying to pull the knife out of his shoulder . Jane ran up to Jeff and pulled her knife out . Just as she was about to continue her attacks Jeff head - butted her . She staggered back . However in that moment where the battle ceased , even for just a few seconds she felt something . As she stood there , with her head aching , she felt a sudden warmth throughout her body . She felt as though , that an essence of life had returned to her body . When she recovered Jeff was standing there , holding his shoulder in pain . " Well Jane it took you three years but you actually managed to hurt me . I 'll prepare your trophy once we 're done here . " Jeff laughed flatly , his face showing no pain at all . " Ha ! That 's funny . But I don 't have the time to sit here and play with you , or your friend . " Jeff said smiling ; he proceeded to look at Jack on the rafters . Jeff then dropped something to the floor . Jane didn 't know what it was until it went off . It was a flashbang , one she had seen the police use . It stunned her and caused her to stagger back . Her head hurt even worse than when Jeff hit it . Suddenly before she knew it Jeff had hit her on the head something bad . She remained conscious for a few seconds , before she fell unconscious . Jack had seen all this but was unable to do anything about it , he was dazed as well . He saw Jeff grab his whiskey and run out of the warehouse though . He decided not to chase after him , but to instead grab the binder and Jane and take them to the safe - house . He ran from the rafters and jumped onto the railway with the offices on it . He went into office two and grabbed the binder . He jumped down onto the same box Jane jumped down to , and then jumped to the floor just like her . He ran over to her and checked her vitals . She seemed to be alive ; in fact what was weird was that she had more of a pulse now than she did when he first checked when they captured her . He picked her up and ran outside the building and escaped . When Jane woke up from her sleep , she was in a room . The room was a normal bedroom . A bed , a nightstand , a dresser , all the normal things you 'd expect to be in a room . She stood up . There were two doors ; one on her left , and one in front of her . She went to the one on the left . It was a bathroom . It was a very plain bathroom , nothing truly special or notable about it . It had been a while since she had seen an actual bathroom . The last one she had seen was in her old home when she visited it about half a year ago . She looked into the mirror inside to find something rather off about herself . She was no long a pure white . She had a slight tint of flesh color to her now . Her incredibly black hair now had a tint of brown in it . It was still black most of the time . However under the right light you could see a little bit of brown in there as well . Not only that , but her dark purple lips now more slightly red , as lips should be ; however her eyes were still completely black like an abyss . " Hey Jane . I see you 're doing well for someone who just got knocked upside the head . " David said with a slight smile which only turned up on his right cheek . " Yeah , my head still hurts a little . I 'm guessing we didn 't get Jeff . " Jane said with a smile . David sat down on the bed . " No . I really thought we would get him with this one . I mean I 'm glad that we got that binder but . . . I just wanted . . . never mind . " David said glummly . Jane sat next to him on the bed . " It 's not that . " David sat up from the bed . " It 's that . . . today is the day my sister died and . . . " David try to explain further but was unable to . " Look I 've got to go , I 'm sorry for all this . We 're leaving for the safe house in a few hours . Take the time you need to get ready . There are some different cloths for you in the dresser . Feel free to take what you like . " David said as he left the room . Jane didn 't know what to say . She went over to the mirror again and inspected herself . Eventually she changed her cloths and headed down stairs . There was Jack at a table reading over the binder they had acquired from the warehouse . She sat down next to him . " This is worse than Jeff . That machine in the warehouse is able to amplify a psychic 's powers . They plan to use it to destroy the entire infrastructure of America , and then use it to cause mass riots and general chaos . " Jack explained . " We can 't let this happen , but we are nowhere near capable of taking them down . We don 't have enough weapons or supplies for something like that . " Jack said in a rather calm manner . " Then it looks like we 're going to have to take it . We can rob local gun stores for ammo and guns . Then we stage a all - out assault on the warehouse . " Jane explained . " We 'll need to run this plan over with the group . It 's a death - wish , but it may be the only way to stop this thing completely . " Jane replied . " Alright , we 'll move out in a bit . " Jack said . He got up from his chair and left . Jane was left there , alone . She looked at the binder . She didn 't know what to think . " If Jeff has the ability to completely bring the world to its knees , then I can no longer accept failure . I can 't let anyone get in my way . " Jane thought to herself . She remember what Jeff did , the look in his eyes , how much he enjoyed everything . She wondered how all this happened . How did Jeff get these abilities ? How did Jeff even get in contact with these people ? Then , suddenly , a more important question sprang to her mind . Who the hell was John , and why did he know all that about the warehouse ? Then the most haunting question came to her mind . Wikia is a free - to - use site that makes money from advertising . We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers Wikia is not accessible if you 've made further modifications . Remove the custom ad blocker rule ( s ) and the page will load as expected . Categories : |
IDAS AVEST has spent all his life among books in his room , from which he has explored the universe , found its secrets , expressed his ideas , and spent nights reading about history . But when he travels to India to study , he faces something he has never read about in books . He faces existential angst , and from then on , he can no longer believe that knowledge is the answer . Overwhelmed by his strong angst about the human condition and the unjust distribution of joy , beauty , and chance among the people of the world , he withdraws into almost complete isolation . He restores some meaning in life , however , as he becomes familiar with the new culture , and makes friends in college who try to drag him away from his introspection . And , on a rare night out , iDas meets a young woman who is , at first glance , his complete opposite . SADEE GOHAR is beautiful and fashionable , she 's always dressed in style and she can name every shade of green . Unlike iDas , she seems happy and sociable . But , just like him , she is searching for a larger meaning to life . And she realizes she 's found it when she meets him . The unlikely pair begin a relationship , but iDas is unable to connect with her . Lost in his own thoughts , he 's incapable of giving Sadee what she desperately needs : his eyes on hers . Having silently begged for his undivided attention , and long evenings spent together wishing he would really see her , Sadee eventually gives up hope of breaking into the heavily guarded walls he keeps around himself . And does the only thing she can : leaves him . His life seeming to sink further from the rest of humanity , iDas is persuaded by his friends to visit a psychiatrist , who diagnoses him with schizophrenia . iDas takes the medication , but struggles to accept his condition , claiming it disregards his thoughts and feelings as the delusions of a madman . Growing ever more desperate to resolve his existential crisis , he becomes obsessed with a new idea . He wants to be remembered for something after his name , so that the children of a thousand years will read about him in their books and see his picture and admire him , just like he admired Socrates , and Aristotle , and Buddha in his childhood and desired to be like them . This bare obsession leads to even greater isolation and loneliness , to the extent that he misses Sadee . And when their paths cross again , he is unable to deny the pull he feels toward her . Her feelings for him unchanged , they give their relationship another try , but iDas once again loses his anchor and , this time , he doubts the authenticity of psychology as a science . His doubt , however , leads him to the true nature of psychology , that it has no cure for schizophrenia . And so , he finally decides to leave the country and go back to the one place where he always had a meaning : his room . The story ends when iDas is at the airport , where he opens his notebook and writes this : I had made my room meaningful . From there , I 'd criticized this universe , found its secrets , celebrated life , discussed my knowing , counted my dreams , expressed my unhappiness , and spent countless nights reading books . Now that I had made life in that little room so meaningful and so colorful , what would happen if one day I came out again and decide to make the world a more meaningful place ? iDas had just opened his eyes . He had been sleeping naked in his warm room , with a fan revolving above . He thought it was around nine in the morning . But the faint noise coming from the street told him it was midday . Lying on his back , he stared at the fan revolving above , till his eyes regained their fire . He rose , and , putting on his shirt , walked to the balcony where the light dazzled his eyes and the noise grew louder . He looked down at the street . It was warm and noisy and there were a thousand buyers and sellers . He lit a cigarette while looking at the street , and thought about those buyers and sellers , and their many ways of life . And there came the noise of music from a shop in the street . And it sung this : Today the sun has risen , and they all have come to the street , and the show has begun noisily , and you 've once again come to the balcony with your desire . The one desire hidden deep in your heart , the one desire for which you 've forgotten the whole world , the one desire that has driven you crazy , the one desire above all others in this universe , the one desire they 're all looking for in this bazaar . And you tell yourself that you won 't achieve it , for from your balcony you 've seen many days in which the sun has risen and they all have come to take part in this show , and they began it noisily and ended it laboriously , but they didn 't achieve what they had come here for . And so you say you will never go down into that street , and you say what an imperfect existence ! And you say why do they come here every day if they know they won 't achieve what their hearts ' desire ? But what if today is yours , what if today they have taken part in this show so that if you , by chance , come to the street you get your heart 's desire ? What if it 's your day really ? Don 't you wish the sun never sets and the day never ends till you get your desire ? He then came back inside and went downstairs to the hall where he turned on his laptop . But it was broken . He called a computer workshop , and a young boy came and took it away . He took his notebook and , lying on the floor , he wrote this : Today is my last day in India and I want to spend it listening to music and reading my notes from the past two years . It read : Nothing is as real as life . I now know what Buda had felt when he came out of his castle for the first time . I now know I am as lost in life as Buda had been . While waiting for his luggage , he saw a man with a red mark on his forehead . The man was circled by a bunch of other men who were shouting . They were shouting again and again . iDas raised his eyebrows in surprise . They were praising this man , worshipping him . Yet the man had not contributed to anything in human life , nothing comparing him to Laplace or Descartes or Khayyam . He kept staring at them till they disappeared from his sight . He then found his luggage and walked away with no further thought about the man . He walked past a sign saying Namaskar ! And , as he walked out , he felt a window opened . And all at once hot air washed his whole body , and he heard a mixture of noise that made him feel life was more real than ever . The cold and calmness of a few moments ago was something in another land now . He was officially in India . Among the crowd there stood a boy who smiled as he saw iDas . He was Bahaw , iDas 's friend . " Welcome to the land of gods , " he said , like a true philosopher . But iDas didn 't say anything . He was taken by the moment . And , at that moment , everything was more real to him , so real that it almost looked like the past . They got into a taxi . And as it made its way through Delhi 's highways , iDas sat back and stared out at the Delhi traffic and large signs that were designed to allure newcomers to India . Soon their car was caught in a traffic jam . Bahaw , who was aware of Delhi traffic and its delights , said it was a long drive home . And , to pass the time with ease , he took out his pack of cigarettes . He lit one and handed the lighter with the pack to iDas , who was about to light one when the driver said something to him . iDas took out his hand and signaled , and , after the car had turned to the right , he lit his cigarette . The lighter Bahaw gave him was just like the one iDas had at home . He read the label and that was the same , too ! " It saysmade in China ! " he said . " Looks like you 've no idea of China 's economy , " Bahaw replied , smiling . He breathed out a blue cloud of smoke and then said , " China exports prayer rugs to Mecca and baghvan idols to India . " iDas made a puzzled face and said , " Well , according to a Chinese philosopher , India conquered and dominated China for two millennia without sending a single soldier across the border . " iDas looked out , and it was so different from his home and his little library . He now felt he wasn 't what he used to think . It was as if he had been in a cave and had just come out after a long time . He kept staring till they were in a street filled with the noise of buyers and sellers , and carts , and vendors , as if life was a gala . The taxi stopped in this busy street and they got out . iDas took his luggage and followed Bahaw . They climbed narrow stairs and entered a flat with a view of the street . It was simple , with a computer and a TV on a desk in a corner . And it was so untidy that iDas was surprised . " So this is your castle ? " he said . " I 'm not much of a communist , " iDas replied , picturing his home which was a castle to him and he missed it right away . " I wasn 't either when I first came here , " Bahaw cried over the noise from the kitchen . " But in a land shared by two million gods , you 'll pretty soon learn how to share a flat with others . " Bahaw brought cold drinks , which refreshed them . He then called a nearby restaurant and ordered lunch , and it was brought in less than ten minutes . So delicious it was that iDas felt he had never had such a meal before in his life . That evening , they went to watch a movie . " What 's the buzz about ? " iDas asked , as he saw a bunch of revelers standing on either side of a red carpet at the cinema . " They 're here for Amitabh Bachchan , " Bahaw explained over the noise from the crowd . " He 's here to promote his new movie Bhoot Natt . " " Oh ! The one we saw posters for on our way here ? " iDas asked , picturing the very poster he had seen minutes ago . " Yah . " " Well , in that case , I suggest we join the crowd and see Mr . Amitabh Bachchan . " " Don 't be from those who go to see others , " Bahaw said . " Be from those whom others come to see . " " That 's quite a maxim , " iDas said . " But I 've an exception to it , " he added , raising his eyebrows . " Except when the one you 're about to see is a very beautiful woman . " They laughed . They then went in to watch the movie . It was midnight when they left the cinema . On their way back home , iDas came across a very strange view . He saw people sleeping under the streetlights on the pavement . They were real people , and he kept staring at them as the rickshaw passed them one by one . At that very moment , he felt he couldn 't breathe and his hands were shaking . But he kept dragging on his cigarette to escape that picture . Back home , they dined together , but he was so disturbed that he didn 't notice what they were eating . After dinner , Bahaw busied himself studying for the next day 's exam , while iDas sat smoking and thinking . He didn 't know what he had seen . He didn 't know what it had been . It had been oblivion . It had been inexistence . And it was in India that he had now seen the existence . But he didn 't know that . All he knew was that he had seen something that had disturbed him . Something he had been so lost in search of . Something he had read about in books , written by those whose names were in the pages of history , those whose depictions were in the books of children . And those who were remembered and praised by humanity , those like Aristotle , those like Newton , and those like Einstein . And he had always wanted to be like them , to end up in the pages of history , to find one of the laws of nature , to explain the universe . And to be one of those who knows it very well , and who discovers its wonders , and who names its stars , and who knows how the sun rises and how it sets , and how life came to be , and how many stars are there in the sky , and how old this universe is . But now , he had seen something else . Something he hadn 't known . Something which wasn 't solved by Aristotle , by Newton , by Einstein , and by those whose pictures he had seen in his books when he had been a child . And it was the question of existence . And it was the question of human angst . and the unjust distribution of joy and beauty and luck and chance among humans . And he told himself , existence is to be here today and not be here tomorrow . But why is it that you won 't be here tomorrow ? And why is it that you were not here yesterday ? And why is it that you 're not given a chance to choose ? He then asked himself what existence means to them , those who he saw sleeping on the street , those who are not on the happy side of life , and those whose share from the basket of life is so little , and those to whom this existence is so unjust . And there was no answer . And so all his past exploration was in vain in his eyes , and all his knowledge was taken away from him , for it didn 't deal with this question . And he now felt that he existed . And that this existence was so imperfect , and that he was just another grain of sand in this infinite desert of time . And all night there was him and his pack of cigarettes and this angst of existence , and it wouldn 't go away . And he knew very well that his wisdom and his knowledge were of no use . And so he was sane no more . It was after hours and when his pack of cigarettes was empty , that he went to sleep . He was woken by a knock on the door . As he opened his eyes , he saw it was daylight , and there came the noise of the fridge from the kitchen , telling him Bahaw had left for college and there was no one at home . Then there came another knock and he rose and went there , and opened the door , and there stood a man with a book , and he asked if iDas wanted to buy his book . iDas said he didn 't want to buy his book . And with that , he closed the door . Coming back , he went to the kitchen where he drank a glass of water , and it tasted like tobacco . He then left the apartment and went down where he bought a pack of cigarettes and a notebook from a shop on the street . Coming back , he opened the notebook and wrote this : Nothing is as real as life . I now know what Buda had felt when he came out of his castle for the first time . I now know I am as lost in life as Buda had been . And I now know I had been living in a Plato Cave , away from the realities of life . I now want a way out of this big picture called life . I want to go back to that cave . But there is no way . There is no way . And today I was woken by a knock on the door . I went there and I opened the door , and there stood a man with a book named The Atlas of The Universe . He asked if I wanted to buy his book , and I said no . It was the noise from the street that brought him back to his room . And , as he looked , he was back in the present . It was a bright day , with the sun shining high above , and his room filled with noise coming from the street . And that evening in which he had come to the angst of existence was far , far away . I had spent all my life in a library , where I was lost reading about the universe . But now I 've come out , and I 've faced this existence . And on my first sight I am so magiked that I no more believe knowledge is the answer . And I 'm sure there is something more to this existence . I am here now and I exist . And all that matters to me is this question about it , and it 's so imperfect . And I can 't imagine it without this angst . And I no more believe knowledge is the answer . And I 'm sure there is something more to this existence . I now no more accept this imperfection . And I 'm looking for something that could solve this puzzle , or something that could help me forget this angst . For I no more believe knowledge is the answer . And I 'm sure there is something more to this existence . Coming back , he turned to the next page . It read : Today I was once again thinking of humanity and its diverse ways of life and its many desires and the long way it has come . I thought , it 's been a few thousand years since we invented language and had a cultural response to nature by building houses , cities , and civilizations . As he read on , he felt as if his room moved back in time and took him to a day when his friend Bahaw was at his place . " To discuss a philosophical question , " Bahaw answered , his hands wrapping round his glass of juice - cool and icy . " I don 't want to discuss anything philosophical right now , " iDas said . " I want to enjoy life . " Outside , the afternoon sun was high in the sky and the street was full of the noise of cars , rickshaws , and bikes . On their way to his favorite mall , Bahaw asked the rickshaw to stop by a wine shop , where he bought two beers and , opening one , gave it to his friend . " You drink in the rickshaw ? " iDas asked . " Don 't worry , " Bahaw said , opening another one with a fizz . " Just enjoy . " iDas took the can - it was very cold and made him feel chilled . He took a gulp , and the taste , along with the smell of cigarette and the view of the setting sun they were passing by , gave him a sense of joy . By the time they got to the mall , he had drunk the whole can and was wrapped in virtual happiness . Inside the mall , it was cool and filled with carefree laughter of young boys and girls . But he was lost in admiration for human intelligence , and their curiosity and their intention to own the universe , and their attraction to their females . His thought was cut by Bahaw 's voice . " Do you know what the greatest power of humans is , " iDas said , staring at a collection of cards on a table . " It 's the power to choose . We 'll take those small cards and get away with it . " iDas took two small cards and put them in his pocket . They walked out of the mall , and as they stepped into the street they cheered . " WE did it ! " iDas cried . The street was full of noise and light and life . And the sun was about to set . They walked by shops with windows glowing in yellow light . And though there were many items on display , in iDas 's eyes nothing was as worthy as the two cards in his pocket . " I 'm as excited as Neil Armstrong when he , for the first time , saw the earth as a blue ball , " he said . And he imagined that experience , of a human representing his race , freeing them from an obsession , from a Plato 's Cave . He was brought back into the street by Bahaw , who was saying , " We should get some more beers . " " Okay , " iDas replied . And so , they bought more beers and , getting a rickshaw , went to Bahaw 's place . The night had just fallen when they got to Bahaw 's place , an elegant flat decorated with white walls , leather sofa , and soft light . You could see Bahaw was like an Epicure while his friend was like a Diogenes , with no interest for social status and sensual pleasures . And that was the reason they were friends . " To prove to myself that I can be bad . I 've lived as a utilitarian all my life . Now I think I 've been deceiving myself . I stole those cards to break my belief in utilitarianism . " " I thought you did it for fun , " Bahaw said , drinking from his bottle . " In psychology it 's called kleptomania . It 's defined as the desire to steal for pleasure . " Suddenly iDas 's heart filled with joy and he dragged on his cigarette in celebration . " I just learned something new , " he said , pacing up and down faster . So happy he was that he wanted to open the window and fly , but feared he might hit the ground instead . So he changed his mind . " I now know what a pleasure it is to be free from all fears and rules and bans that come of knowledge and morality , " he said , walking down the hall with his head dropped . " I feel I can even write an encyclopedia on the pleasures of wicked acts , but decide not to . But I want to make a formal announcement about something . " Bahaw twisted his face . He drank from his bottle and said he knew someone who could answer that question . " He 's a psychologist , " he said . " You just spoke the absolute truth , " iDas smiled . " To the absolute truth , " he cheered , raising his bottle . Bahaw raised his bottle too , and they clinked and drank . iDas happily forgave Bahaw and asked if he believed in absolute truthfulness . " Exactly . " iDas smiled . " You know , " he said , " the wise adjust themselves to the world as it is . The unwise try to adjust the world to their ideals . And so , the world is indebted to the unwise . " " No , " iDas said . " I stole them . I steal wise words and grand ideas with pride . But I don 't steal from my friends , of course . " " Your friends ? " Bahaw asked in surprise . He was under the impression iDas had no other friends . " Yes , " iDas said , sitting back proudly . " Aristotle , my friend , once said ' without friends , no one would choose to live , though he had all other goods ' . " Bahaw gave a look of surprise . But before he could say anything , iDas rose and walked to the door where he began putting on his shoes . They were two friends , sitting on a sofa , in front of a TV , drinking tea and discussing life , in a room lit by florescent bulbs and filled with smoke and music . " I 've known him since he came to India four months ago , " one of them said . " He 's changed a lot since and is not the same guy anymore . " " I think your friend didn 't know him well , Taj ! " " I know , " Taj said . " But once you get to know him , you 'll find him a beautiful person inside . " " That 's the problem , to know him . He doesn 't speak of his past , and he always talks of things most people don 't care about . " " Just give him time , Bozorg ! You 'll know him . " Time dragged on and they drank more tea while listening to more music . It was an hour later when the doorbell rang . " It 's him , " Taj said . He rose and opened the door . And there stood iDas . " Little minds discuss people ; great minds discuss ideas , " iDas said , in a philosophical style . And , with that , he came in and began untying his shoes . " Oh ! I forgot ! " he added , looking up . " Lao Tzu . " Both his friends looked at each other in confusion . Taking off his shoes , iDas sat on the sofa like a king , and , putting his hands on its arms , asked if there was anything to eat . " That 's the difference between the elite and the masses , " iDas said . " The elite eats whenever they like , and the masses eat whenever they 're hungry . I 'll go with you on one condition . " Outside , the city was full of light and noise . As the three friends made their way through Delhi streets , Bozorg asked who was in the final . " Spain and Germany , " iDas said . Sufi 's was a restaurant crowded at night , especially at late hours . Those who came were students , to spend the night smoking shisha , playing snooker , and chatting about life . When they got there , it was as he had pictured , brightly lit and filled with the noise of young boys and girls , talking and laughing . " I did a great thing today , " iDas said , when they were at a snooker table . " I 'm sure it will go down in history as one of my great achievements . " " What did iDas the great do ? " Bozorg asked , bending at the table to make the first shot . " I found that the shadow of caste is still haunting the soul of India . But I broke it today . I broke that which is a burden on humanity . " " What did you do ? " " I told you . I crushed the belief in caste . Now , ask me how ? " " How ? " " I invited a child of God into a restaurant . " " Who ? " Taj mumbled , who , sitting on a chair for his turn , was munching on a burger . " he went on as if reading an article from Wikipedia . But Bozorg jumped in , saying , " We know who Mahatma Gandhi was . " " So , can I proceed with my pearls of wisdom ? " They laughed . " Let me make my shot first , and then I 'll tell you my story . " iDas made his shot and then said , " I was in Savera Restaurant near our college . And a child of God , a beggar I may allow myself to call him for convenience , came and begged money from behind the fence . I invited him to my table and ordered the same meal for him as for myself . By that moment , everyone around us was talking about me . Some were staring stealthily , and others were laughing inwardly . One even took a picture of us . " Bozorg , who had been listening with interest , said , " Dude ! That 's a breakthrough . " " Indeed . Now , we can proceed with our game . " They played on , and , as time passed by , the restaurant became noisier and brighter , and iDas happier . He didn 't know why , but his happiness came from that symbolic act earlier that day . And playing snooker was a way to celebrate that achievement . It was midnight when they left the restaurant and went back to iDas 's place , a very large flat , so new and posh , but only half - furnished with no chairs or tables . As they sat on the small rug , littered with empty Coca Cola bottles and cigarette packs , Bozorg said , " O iDas ! You 'll never learn how to live in culture . " And with that , he walked to the kitchen and brought three cups of tea . They had it with salty biscuits that took away the tiredness from their souls . Then iDas went upstairs . When he came back , he was no more in the mood to watch the Euro 2008 final . He fell asleep on the floor in front of the TV . The match started and the room filled with commentary noise : It 's Fernando Torres ! He has scored ! " iDas ! Wake up ! " his friends said . " Spain has scored . " The next morning , iDas woke to the voice of his friends talking to each other . " Here wakes up iDas ! " Bozorg cried , who , sitting like a Buda on the floor , was reading the newspaper . Â " I think he 's in a terrible mood , Taj . " iDas didn 't say anything , and was amazed to find his room so tidy and clean . He took his cigarette pack from the floor and lit one . He then asked Bozorg to read to him from the newspaper . Bozorg asked why he didn 't read himself , and iDas said he didn 't want to . " That 's quite the wisest conclusion on the history of civilizations , " iDas said in a tone as if he was a high authority on such matters . " A civilization is always built on stealing and robbing and bullying . They all have to admit their mistakes and apologize to the rest of humanity in the end . " They laughed out and it filled the hall . They had breakfast , not in the kitchen , but in the hall , where they lay newspapers on the floor and the breakfast on the newspaper . Afterwards , they sat speaking of the little matters of life . But iDas lay in the sun , where he opened his notebook and wrote this : Today I was once again thinking of humanity and its diverse ways of life and its many desires and the long way it has come . I thought it had been a few thousand years since we invented language and had a cultural response to nature by building houses , cities , and civilizations . But why ? That 's the question I have now . A very simple question . It was the noise coming from the street that brought him back to the present . And , as he looked around , he was in his room , sitting on the floor , with his notebook before him and a cup of tea near at hand . And there came a lively noise from the street . And those days he used to talk and laugh with his friends was a thing of the past . And he missed them very much . He sipped at his tea to wash away the feeling attached to that memory , and then , lighting a cigarette , he turned on the TV and his hall filled with sound of music . What he listened to was this song : For , looking for , for , looking for , looking for , looking for , they 're looking for , they 're all looking for . They were all looking for when I was not here . They were all looking for when you were not here . For , looking for , for , looking for , looking for , looking for , they 're looking for , they 're all looking for . They were all looking for where you came from . They were all looking for where they came from . For , looking for , for , looking for , looking for , they 're looking for , they 're all looking for . He was lost in this song and , for a moment , forgot that he lived in the 21st century . By the time he was back , he was very tired and very thirsty . He sipped at this cup of tea and turned off the TV , and then turned to the next page . View " What 's the occasion that your grace has made us breakfast ? " Taj mumbled , with a piece of bread in his mouth . " Well , I wanted to finally fill that evolutionary gap between us , " iDas teased . They laughed . But iDas , knowing Mr . Castro had run a country for half a century , felt it was an honor to lead a nation for so long . And with that , he puffed at his cigarette and listened as Bozorg read him the next headline . Hearing this , iDas thought of the earliest astrologists , such as Thales and Zhang Heng , who had spent all their lives observing the sky and its mysteries . And of the many other humans who had done the same . In his eyes , they had wasted their lives studying something so huge , while their knowledge and their time on this blue planet was so little . But then he thought , what if they were given so big a puzzle to solve in a most social way ? A puzzle in which you could involve the whole of humanity and maybe the whole class of intelligent life in which each individual is given credit for their contribution . " I 'm sure it wasn 't on Discovery , " Bozorg said . " They 're not that superstitious . " " And I 'm sure it was on the Cartoon Network , " iDas said . They laughed , thinking he was joking . " Well , " iDas said , " my friend Einstein once told me that every idea should be presented to children first . If they don 't understand it , then it 's a wrong idea . " " Okay , " iDas said . " I 'm ready . " Tossing his phone on the floor , he went to the bathroom , where he took a shower and made himself ready . Soon his friends came and they left . Outside , it was cool after the rain , and the streets were full of the noise and light of Delhi traffic . As they got into a rickshaw , iDas foolishly asked where they were going , and they said to a discotheque in CP . He asked where exactly CP was . They became angry . Taj and Bozorg went for the drinks , while iDas , standing at a corner , stealthily stared at the girls . Among them one was beautiful to his eyes . And he fancied her , and told himself life is a coincidence ; this night is a coincidence , and this moment is a coincidence ; and the past , when I was in my room full of light and dust , was a coincidence ; and the future , when the sun will rise and I 'll be in my class , will be a coincidence . And if I could be happy a little bit now , and if I could meet this girl 's eyes now , and if I could make her smile at me now , then I should consider myself lucky , and consider that time is kind , and consider that she is a gift of life . For hearts seldom meet , and strangers we all are at the end of the day . But he knew he was a newcomer to life and would never have her . But then , as he wished he had her , he heard a soft voice . He raised his head and saw the girl standing before him , the one he had fancied . " Hi , my name is Sadee , " she said . " What 's your name ? " He felt his room and loneliness of an hour ago was a thousand years away now . And a window opened in front of his eyes and he stepped into a noisier street of time , a one full of joy and color . And he told himself now that I 've found someone who wants me to look at her , and who wants me to dance with her , and who wants me to share this moment with her then I should take it as granted . For every joy is a coincidence and every happiness is a coincidence . And so he put his hands round her waist , and , knowing it was good not to always know what would happen next , let the moment be . And he told himself , I wish this music doesn 't lessen , and this warmth in her soft touch doesn 't lessen , and the ecstasy in her perfume doesn 't lessen , and we two dance on and on like this , and our eyes meet on and on like this , and the time be paused on and on like this . For this is all but a coincidence . The girl 's heart was full of happiness . So elated she was that she couldn 't decide whether the moment was real or a dream . Then , she said , she didn 't care , as long as it wouldn 't end . And so her heart melted into a thousand quantums of joy , and she began singing this : Don 't you know ? It was a moment ago when you didn 't exist for me . Now I don 't want this life to go by without you by my side . I don 't know when or why , in the many passing moments of this universe , I suddenly fell for you . Finally I have , I have . Finally I have , I have . Finally I have found you . I look into your eyes , to read what destiny holds for me . You look into my eyes and see a thousand hidden dreams . You tell me make a wish , and I 'll make it come true . I feel it has been a good day or two , that you 're my obsession and what I pursue . Who knows when or where in the many unknown pages of this existence our paths might have met before . All I know is that there is no one like you . Don 't you see ? We were unhappy a moment ago , when you said this angst of existence would never go . Now I feel perfect , since you came and took my hand and we stepped into the dance floor . Finally I have , I have . Finally I have , I have . Finally I have found you . All my ways now lead to you , in this lifetime and a thousand others to come . Let 's stop the time for a while and tell it the meaning of this moment . I 'm sure it 'll stop being so stubborn , when it knows what I have for you . And so she sung this song to herself for almost eternity . It was the voice of her friends that brought her back to reality . And as she looked , there was music , and many girls and boys who were all leaving . She felt as if it had been a thousand years since she was on the dance floor . They stopped , but she didn 't let his hand go and asked him for his phone number . " You give me your number , " iDas said . " I 'll call you , and you 'll have my number . " " I don 't remember my number , " she replied . At this point , the girl 's friend said iDas could have her number . iDas did so . He then sent his name to that number so that Sadee could have his number later . When the girls left , iDas had a drink before leaving . Outside , the night was cool after the rain . And as their rickshaw passed by small puddles formed on the street , he stared at the lights reflected in them , feeling as if he was in a dream . By the time they got behind his door , the three of them were thirsty and Taj was in a hurry to go to the washroom . But it seemed as if iDas couldn 't find the keys . " iDas ! Hurry UP ! " Taj said impatiently . iDas , who was fishing his pockets drunkenly , said , " There are two things infinite , the universe and Finally , iDas found the key and they went in . They sat over cold glasses of juice and cigarettes in the hall , which was full of light and music . iDas was lost in his fantasies now . He fancied the girl , and her soft touch , and her perfume and her smile and the warmth of her body when the two had been dancing on the floor , both face to face , with his hands around her waist . It was his phone vibrating that brought him back . He had a message : Hi . This is my number . Sadee . He now wanted to share his joy with his friends . He rose and , standing in the middle of the room said , " She texted me ! " " Woooooooo ! " Taj said in surprise . " Great ! " Bozorg clapped gently . " Humans are emotional animals - at least I 'm told so , " iDas said , giving out a cloud of smoke in celebration . " Now , I should make some tea to take away the after - effects of the drinks we had . " " No , no , no , your highness , " said Bozorg . " We 're at your service . We will make the tea . " And , with that , he rose to go make the tea . iDas texted Sadee good night . And then tossed the phone away to disconnect himself from the rest of the world and enjoy the moment . Soon Bozorg brought the tea . By then , the room was warm and full of smoke , and the three friends joyful . " So , how is she ? " his friends asked him . " Is she beautiful ? Is she hot ? " Taj and Bozorg asked in the meantime . " She 's a divine contribution to arts , " iDas said calmly , " and " No , no , " Bozorg said . " That 's the wrong answer . She picked you because she likes you . That 's all . " " But I 'm a rationalist , " iDas said . " I believe all human behaviors and opinions are based on reason rather than emotions or cultural beliefs . " " That is the most irrational thing I 've ever heard , " Bozorg said with an angry face . " Let 's hear what he thinks , " Taj told Bozorg . " Why do you think she picked you , iDas ? " " And about human emotions in general . " " I think you have too many doubts , iDas . When you 're happy you don 't feel happy , instead you doubt your very emotion and ask a hundred questions . " " You should trust your emotions , " Bozorg said . " And how do you define emotion ? " Bozorg sipped at his tea as if to make himself ready for a long debate . Putting down his cup , he moved his hands in the air and said , " Emotion , iDas , is like a language . Just like Persian , just like Hindi . You have to learn it . The most notable examples are love and sex . That 's why they say love has no language . And that goes for sex , too . " " I think you 're wrong , " iDas said , putting down his cup to imitate Bozorg . " I think emotion is like a place . Just like Kabul , just like Delhi . You have to get there . That 's why they say you fall in love , or you get a place in her heart , or you - " " You 're emotionless , " Bozorg said . Hearing the word , iDas 's heart filled with joy , a joy when you discover something by accident , like the joy Nobel had when he discovered dynamite . " Emotionless , " he murmured , with his eyes narrowed . " The word that can define me . " It was the noise from the street that brought him back to his room . And , as he looked , there was no sign of his friends , or that night when they had been here with him . It was daylight . View |
Friday morning : 5 miles . I took Romeo with me for the first mile , which always slows me down , but after dropping him off I almost caught up with my time from the previous day . The store that was Barraca has been under construction for about a week now . They did a complete remodel , but finished it quickly because they had people working 24 hours a day . Sometime during the construction , I figured out it was going to be a Sol - Mar ( think Star Market ) , which is good for the people who live here but probably bad for other store owners like Fatima . I heard the guy who owned Barraca ( I don 't know his name , but he was very nice the one day I went in there back in October . I tried to tell him , Oh , we moved here because - " yeah , I know , " he said , " because your boyfriend plays for Mira Mar " ) . He always wave when I run by . We only needed the car to go to Ribeira Grande ( or Santana … maybe it was Rabo de Peixe - literal translation : fish butt ) to take Romeo to the vet ; He needed to get his Pet Passport signed . However , you only get the 18 € / day price if you rent it for two days or more . So , for one day it would 've been 44 € , and for two days 36 € . We took it for two days . I went down to the pet shop where we are basically regulars now . Teresa joked with me about always running and still not speaking Portuguese while the blonde girl copied my license and passport info down . Even though they are not open Sundays , Teresa is going to meet me at 11 : 00am so I can return the car . # ilovetheislandlife John , Ken , and I were originally planning on going to the gym for circuit day before we left for the vet , but when John wouldn 't get out of bed I asked him how important that was to him . He said he didn 't care about going , and neither did I so I hopped in the shower . Ken 's response when John texted him about skipping the gym : ' Thank F * & * K ' . John and I finished getting ready and headed outside . We put Romeo in the back seat , grabbed Ken and went to Pic Nic . Luckily , I found one tiny little parallel spot outside the hardware store ; the middle of the vila was still packed . The four of us sat outside . After we had our coffees we got back in the car and Romeo walked on and got fur all over Ken . I said I 'd sit in the back seat on the way home . Romeo is an idiot : Carla had given me explicit directions on how to get to the vet , and I knew exactly where she was talking about . Originally , we were going to have the vet come to us , but the one that makes house calls is not working until August , so to the clinic we went . It is in Ribeira Grande , almost all the way to Ponta Delgada . In addition to explaining to me a few times how to get there , Carla also drew me an awesome map . At the last rotary before the city ( there is some urban legend that rotaries / roundabouts only exist in New England . . but I 'm here to squash that . There are a ton here on Sao Miguel ) , we usually take a left , but to go to the vet we went straight towards Rabo de Peixe and Santana ( you can actually get to the city this way , too , which is what John and I did the first time we rented a car ) . We took the only right turn after the gas station toward Rabo de Peixe and Santana . I followed that pot - hole - filled road to the end and then took another right . John pointed towards a giant ( fake ) cow on the left , " There it is ! " he said . I didn 't believe him , because there are some milk factories on this part of the island , too , but sure enough it was the Clinica Veterinaria Santana . I reversed a dozen feet or so and pulled into the parking lot . We didn 't have an appointment , because that 's not how they do things here . When Carla called for us they said you just show up and wait if there is anyone in front of you . There weren 't any other cars in the parking lot , so I figured we were golden . We were ; there weren 't any other people ( or pets ) inside either . It was a large , clean , fairly new - looking facility . I asked the woman at the desk if she spoke English , which she did . Carla also asked about that , too , when she called , and they assured her they had English speaking vets . Someone tweeted me a few weeks ago about tips for the Azores because he is traveling to Sao Miguel , and apparently , he reads my blog . The first ( and only ) tip I gave him was that everyone speaks English ( or , more accurately , everywhere you go you can find someone who speaks English ) . This woman turned out to be German . She weighed Romeo first and he had gained 1kg since we 've been here . Then she made a photo - copy of the Pet Passport form , and filled out the one I brought . They don 't have rabies here , and he 's been vaccinated , so she didn 't actually examine Romeo . She scanned his microchip and matched the numbers up . She kept calling him " she " , but lots of Portuguese people mess up pronouns , so I didn 't think too much of it . She even told me she weighed " her " because they worry about " spayed females " gaining weight . She said this while looking at his rabies vaccine certificate which refers to him as a " neutered male " . I was still not concerned . She finished filling out the form and told us to have a safe trip . Just as we were exiting the exam room , Romeo spotted a sign and sniffed it . He lifted his leg and PEED on it . John gave Romeo to Ken and asked him to take him outside , quick , while John grabbed paper towels and apologized profusely . The woman behind the desk kept telling him not to worry , it happens all the time , they would grab a mop , while my German vet friend said , " I need that form back . I filled it out wrong : I said that she was female ! " We had decided to go to Portas do Mar for lunch because we could sit outside with Romeo . John voiced concerns that Romeo wasn 't allowed there , but both Ken and I said it was public , and blah blah blah , not to worry . We parked on the street and walked to the bowling alley . The sun was shining and we sat outside . No one else was outside , so we weren 't worried about Romeo bothering anyone . Our waiter didn 't say anything about Romeo either , so we ordered . About halfway through eating our meals , a security guard came over and told us that dogs were not allowed on that side of the port . But he told us we could finish eating . We finished our meals ( I gave Romeo lots of french fries , because aside from peeing inside the vet , he had been a very good boy ) , and had cafes . I made John and Ken walk all the way down to the other end of the port so I could get the maracuja ice cream that I have been thinking about since we came with Vitor . Ken and I stopped in the public bathrooms before getting back in the car . The ladies ' room was being cleaned so Ken stood look - out for me while I used the men 's . We got back in the car , this time with John driving and me sitting in the back with Romeo . Lina had told me the night before that she is still closed for take - out . John had wanted pizza again before we leave , and she said she was turning the oven on Saturday for a birthday party , so if we wanted pizzas she would make them then for us . I told Lina we would definitely get pizza and I invited Leila , who got a little bit too excited . After I invited her she ran over to Lina and they spoke in Portuguese whispers . I disregarded this . I had Lucy 's leftover bacalhau for dinner and then Leila picked me up for coffee . We drove to 3 Bicas in Furnas , which is always empty . It was empty again until her brother Philip showed up with Berina ( who comes to my classes ) and another couple . They came to sing karaoke , which if you know me is one of my most - favorite things . They actually did have a good selection of English songs ( the Beatles , Pink , Papa Roach , Celine Dion , and of course , Britney ) , but I didn 't sing . I wasn 't drinking and I had 12 miles to run in the morning . # idratherberunning I woke up , took Romeo for a walk , and left for my long run before John woke up . My calves were still tight , but it was bearable and I finished with my best time yet for a 12 - mile solo run . It was cold when I went out , but when I dropped Romeo off I dropped off my ¾ sleeves because the sun was strong . Another loop around the vila and it started to sprinkle , so I went back and grabbed it again . It never did really rain on my run , but I was glad I had grabbed it . When I got home I made sweet potato pancakes with almond flour and Lucy 's leftovers . I went to meet John at Pic Nic for a cafe but I found him walking back . I got him to turn around and we went to Pic Nic where we found a female stray dog who had quite clearly just had puppies ( John said " check out those nipples " ) . She looked skinny , tired , and sad . John bought a papos secos from Pic Nic and tried to feed her , but she only liked the soft inside . She followed us home . I couldn 't find any spots open at the hotel , and since the roads are all one - way ( and I don 't know my way around very well ) , I had to loop around the whole Furnas again to park near the Vale Formoso stadium . We paid the 5 € / person to be admitted to the park . Majid went off to change and we all quickly got in . Majid admitted to not knowing how to swim , but luckily this pool is probably 5 feet at its deepest . While we were there it sprinkled and stopped , sprinkled and stopped , sprinkled and stopped . We left in time for Ken to watch Arsenal play at 4 : 30pm . First of all , it was totally packed . And while they did blow out some walls from what it was when it was Barraca , because they shoved so many more shelves and crap in there , it actually felt smaller . I did find some sweet gluten - free products ( like rice and tapioca flours ) , but I left with a giant case of American - grocery - shopper rage . I saw Catarina and her husband and she laughed when I tried to read the farinha de mandioca bag ( I know farinha is flour and it said gluten - free , and it had a picture of what looked like a carrot on the front ) . I tried to google " mandioca " but Sol - Mar 's " free " wi - fi has a password . Assholes . It turned out to be tapioca flour , which I figured out when I got home later . I tried to buy a 12 - pack of Super Bock and one of the managers told me it was my lucky day : buy - one - get - one - free ! Ok , I 'll take 12 free beers . So , I walked back and grabbed another case . Oh no , she said . They have packs where they are attached with saran wrap . In a different part of the store . Great , I said . Can you get that for me ? Since now you 've made this far more complicated that it needed to be . She walked me over to the other display and I grabbed one . No , she said , you take two : Buy TWENTY - FOUR beers and get TWENTY - FOUR free . Oh , god . Just give them to me . So , instead of 12 beers , I bought 48 . How was I supposed to carry these home ? And it was raining . and I hate Sol - Mar and I hate this lady . Damn you , lady . I got home and started to make some gluten - free cookies with my gluten - free farinhas . I didn 't have time to bake them before I had to pick Leila up . Since she and her brother are both coming for pizza , I told her I 'd take the rental car to pick her up for a coffee , then they wouldn 't have two cars . We parked at Pic Nic and sat down with John and Ken , who were already drinking beers . I told them to stay thirsty , so they could drink the many , many beers I had bought . Ken said he was going home and then would meet us at Toronto . I told him that wasn 't really necessary , surely Leila and I could carry the pizzas . John went home to change , too . I told Leila I hadn 't made the salad yet and she said " Don 't worry , we have time . " Why is everyone acting so strange ? Just before 8 : 00pm , John texted me asking if I was coming home before going to Toronto . No , I wasn 't planning on it . " Come home and I 'll walk over with you , " he replied . Wow , everyone really wants to walk to Toronto with me , I did not think . When we got to the apartment , John was wearing a button down shirt and a sweater , that I had already packed to go home . " You 're dressed up , " I commented . " Yeah , I just wanted to wear it one more time , " he replied . Leila was also wearing a dress , tights , and a cardigan . I didn 't find this odd . John said he would sweep the stairs before we got home , which he didn 't do . " Why did you want me to do that ? " he said , " Because we 're having people over , " I said . Or , so I thought . We walked over to Toronto where the blue uplighting was on . Leila kept bumping into me on the steps up , running in her dress . She 's in a hurry ! I thought . Once at the top of the stairs I saw two men sitting on the couch ( Toronto is closed ) . " Oh , Ken 's already here ! " I said . " And Joe … and Philip … you fuckers ! " As I walked into the restaurant I saw Lina , Carla , Dina , Berina , Alexandra , Liliana , Lucy , Luisa … everyone was there ! No one actually said " Surprise " , but it was implied . There was a table with a picture frame , " We will be NUTS without you " with peanuts . There was another table with desserts , cupcakes that read " We will miss you " . There was a picture of me on the podium in Ribeira Grande which everyone signed later . Lina had even hired her employee , Marina ( who is my FB friend ) for the occasion . Marina , immediately upon my arrival began serving shots . All liquor in Portugal is sweet and I don 't like it . I took a little sip before placing it on a table somewhere , abandoned . We sat down to eat and Leila told me she had a surprise for me . She told me she couldn 't come to the pools earlier because she had work to do , but now she admitted to lying . I had a feeling it was a slideshow before she even gave the USB drive to Emanuel . I started crying before it was even loaded , and Emanuel tried to cheer me up by joking ; " What are you crying for ? It only says ' 80 % ' ! " Saozinha called me a cry baby , but I got my shit together once the video started . Leila had collected pictures from FB , other girls , and my blog . She put it to Beyonce 's " I was here " and Kelly Clarkson 's " A moment like this " . By the end of the video even John was holding back tears , but Saozinha was sobbing hysterical ; she could barely even breathe . Who 's the cry baby now ? I joked as I hugged her . Once the video was over we continued drinking and eating desserts . Leila said she had one more thing for me . A group gift from the girls in my class . I opened the jewelry store bag up and found two tissue paper packages inside with Pandora stickers on them . " I don 't have a Pandora ! " I said , thinking they were both charms . One was a bracelet and the other a friendship knot charm , to remember all the friend I 'd made in Povoacao . I cried and cried . It turns out everyone has a Pandora bracelet , and Leila , Alexandra , Lina , and Liliana each showed me their charms . A few minutes later , Liliana cornered me and handed me her ananas charm . An Azorean pineapple . " This is the only charm I bought for myself , " she said , " All the others were a gift . I want to give this one to you for your bracelet . " I tried not to accept it , but she wouldn 't take no for an answer . I could hardly say thank you through my hysterical tears . I was so moved by everyone 's generosity . Leila thinks I 'm an old lady ( tea on a Friday night at karaoke ? ) and she didn 't want to go home at midnight . We decided to go to Guida , but no one else was really interested . Eventually we brought Leila , Philip , Berina , and Ken back to our apartment for one more beer ( and another showing of my slideshow , no tears ! ) . We got to see Daylight Saving 's Time end and everyone went home around 3 : 00am . I had set my alarm so I wouldn 't miss my rental - car - return time . I had woken up around 7 : 30am , sure I 'd never fall asleep again . Sure enough , I woke up abruptly to the sound of my phone alarm at 10 : 30am . Once I returned the rental to Teresa at 7 Lombas , I stopped by Fatima 's to buy onions . It was one thing I couldn 't find at Sol - Mar ( where I refuse to go again ) , and I was sure Fatima 's business was hurting since Sol - Mar 's opening . Fatima used to be the only place open until 8 : 00pm Monday - Friday and she was the only store open on Sundays at all . Now Sol - Mar is open basically all the time , 7 days a week . I wanted to contribute , but I only needed 0 . 45 ¢ worth of cebolas . I headed home and started to make chili . I knew Leila , Lola , and Alexandra would all bring food that night , so I was only planning on making chili , hummus , and gluten - free cookies ( cookie dough was ready to go ! ) . I had also bought cheese , crackers , and chips . Once I started the chili and showered I took Romeo for a long stroll . John was still sleeping . The sun was shining , so Romeo and I sat outside at Pic Nic and I had a coffee in my tank top . I 'm trying to enjoy what I can of this Azorean sunshine . I got home around 1 : 00pm and John was just getting up . He got ready and we headed back to Pic Nic . I had talked to Pedro the day before about getting to Mira Mar 's game and , sure enough , he picked us up at 2 : 30pm . It was still sunny , but had definitely cooled down . Mira Mar beat Maritimo 2 - 1 . Vitor 's toe was still broken , so Ken took his goal kicks . He still punted the ball if he received it , and then jumped up and down in agony on his other foot . He will not play the following weekend . I sat outside the box with John until the wind picked up and then I moved inside where Serenela , Glebiana , and Mufasa were sitting . I love Mufasa , but he does not love my kisses . Romeo doesn 't even flinch when you smush his face down and smother him with love , but Mufasa wanted to eat my face . Desculpa . It began to rain just before the end of the game , and we walked quickly to the parking lot . Ernesto bought a new BMW from continent ( it arrived by boat last week ) , and we rode in it for the first time on the way home from the game . It 's only a two - door , so John crawled in the back seat . When we got home I began to pull the leftover desserts out of the fridge from the night before , make the hummus , and bake my cookies . Ken came over and we snacked a little before anyone came over . Ken went home to change and Leila and Philip showed up ( with more than enough food for a whole party ) . Philip and John went to get coffees and wine . Ken came back , dressed up . I told him only to bring an empty stomach , and I hoped he was thirsty because I still had 47 beers . Lola came by herself , but brought with her fruit and an enormous dessert . And plastic stools ( because we only have 8 chairs ) . Alexandra , Helio , and their daughter Lara ( who wanted to take Romeo home with her by the end of the night ) showed up next and brought more than enough food for a whole party . Poor Helio thinks he might have Celiac disease . I was so excited to offer my gluten - free cookies , but he really didn 't want any . They sort of tasted like sand . John was worried no one would come ; we had a party the night before , and it was a Sunday night , but in the end only Joe and Carla bailed . Carla is 7 months pregnant and it was raining badly by the time people came over . We watched my slideshow one more time , because Lola hadn 't made it to the party the night before . No one would take any food home with them , so I didn 't think I would need to go grocery shopping again . Ever . Berina and Alexandra 's sister , Marcy , had messaged me earlier on FB saying she had farm fresh eggs for me . She is a firefighter and would be at the bombeiros after 7 : 00pm . Because we had people over , I hadn 't gone . I took Romeo for a walk around 12 : 30am , after everyone had gone home . We walked by the bombeiros and I wondered if they napped at night , or if they had to stay awake . All of a sudden the garage door opened and I heard Marcy say , " I have eggs for you . " And then , " I 'm sorry my English isn 't very good , but if you ever need eggs tell me . I have 20 every day . " You 're English sounds pretty good to me , I thought as I took a bag of more than two dozen eggs . When I woke up , the weather couldn 't decide what it was doing . It would rain heavily for 10 or 15 minutes , then it would stop and the sun would shine brightly . Then it would happen again . I waited until I thought it was done raining and headed out sans - Romeo . It didn 't rain for the first minute - and - a - half , then it poured , and then it was sunny for the remainder . I kept stopping to stretch my crampy calves until finally I didn 't think I could pick my toes up . My anterior tibialis were spasming . On both legs . I ran to the gym , paused my watch at 2 . 75 miles , laid down on the floor , and threw my legs onto a bench . I laid there until I thought I could foam roll without crying . I foam rolled for probably twenty minutes , until I felt almost normal again . I finished the last 2 . 25 miles of my run without event . When I got back , John suggested we go to the gym in an hour , so we made lunch . I warmed up some leftover chili and fried some of my firehouse eggs to eat alongside . It had been fun to serve chili and hummus , because most of our Portuguese friends hadn 't eaten either of those foods . We headed to the gym for Chest Day . Only , I wasn 't really in the mood . I foam rolled ( again ) , did one set of DB bench to plyo push up , four rounds . Then I did a little core and told the boys I was all done . I went home to shower before heading down to Carla 's salon ; she was doing my nails as a goodbye gift . After class I went back to the gym to foam roll one more time . Ernesto was bugging me about not having gone to the gym that day ( Where is John and Ken ? They no workout today ? ) . He hadn 't been there when we were , but his intern Alexandre had been . " Alexandre , " I said , " Weren 't we here earlier ? Me , John and Ken ? " Yes , yes , he replied , they were here . A few other guys I know ( not very well ) were there , too , so I decided to try out some of my Portuguese words , " It was mamas dia " . I said . Breast Day . I don 't know the word for chest ( preto ? No , that 's black . . ) so I say mamas para cima ( breasts up ) when I want my ladies to lift their chests . The men in the gym died laughing : " Do you know what you said ? That is not chest ! " I know , I said , that is Liza being funny . The next day , one of them put this on my FB wall : The weather was exactly as it had been the day before . Not in a hurry to go anywhere , I waited to go for my run . Which , today , was 10 miles . I waited until I thought the rain was over ( at least temporarily ) and took Romeo with me . What I usually do if he hasn 't gone out yet is walk with him for a few minutes before we start running . After I started up my watch and began my ( our ) run , it started to rain . Suddenly and violently . Then it turned to hail . Romeo didn 't know what to do with that , so he ran in a zig - zag pattern on the side walk . Rather than finish our one - loop around the vila , I ran him straight home . Half a mile down , nine - and - a - half to go . I changed out of my now - soaked t - shirt and put a new long - sleeve on , under my rain coat . After I dried Romeo off I headed back out . Oh , the sun . The sun was out now . I took my arms out of my rain coat sleeves and tied it around my waist , with the bottom still zipped halfway . A few minutes later it started to rain again , so I untied my sleeves , threw my arms back in , and kept running . A few minutes later when the rain stopped and the sun came out , I reversed the process again . I continued along in this manner for the rest of my run . The last 3 miles it didn 't rain at all , and by the time I finished , the sun was actually quite strong . I saw Rui about to pass my house when I was done . I stopped my watch and talked to him , " What are you doing ? " I asked , and he said he was going to take a coffee . Aguenta : Wait here , I said , and I ran inside our apartment to drop my raincoat and grab my wallet and water . John and Ken had already gone to the gym ( no , no , don 't wait for me ) , but we saw them at Pic Nic . It was just after 1 : 00pm , so the place was packed . Rui and I got a two - person table on the side and enjoyed our cafes . I told him we were leaving on Friday and he told me a bunch of stuff I couldn 't understand . Not only is my Portuguese not that good , but he mumbles a lot ( he has dentures ) , so I can 't understand anything the guy says . Lola came by our table and invited me to dinner the next night , while the boys played futsol . We were already going to Alexandra 's house that night for dinner , but I said yes anyway . I needed to buy some peanuts , because John had finished all my homemade PB the night before . Rui followed me to Antonio 's . While I was there I remembered that John wanted cookies , so I bought chocolate - filled Maria 's and vanilla - filled Maria 's , and I also bought a bunch of candy to take home . And coconut biscuits , the kind that Lola and Dina make . Because I had only gone in for peanuts , I hadn 't bothered to grab a basket . Of course , now my arms were full . Rui took my items , one by one , and settled them in his arms . I asked him if he wanted me to buy him any candy , " No , thank you . " or any gum , " No , thank you . " Nothing ? I asked , " No , thank you . " He grabbed my bag of groceries while I paid and he carried them home for me . Sweet little Rui . It makes me sad when people call him Cavarinha ( pea brain ) . When I got home I showered and packed and thought about ( briefly , very briefly ) going to the gym . John and I were going to bring our bags to the gym to weigh , but then John smartly suggested bringing the scale home instead . I walked over and Alexandre warned me that it might not be accurate . I know ( from occasional use ) that depending on where on the scale you stand , the scale could be up to 2kg different . I weigh less when I lean forward onto my toes . I weighed our bags a few times to make sure I was pretty - close to knowing what they weighed . I really , really , really was planning to bring the scale back to the gym and workout before my class , but then it started to rain . Again . I brought an empty suitcase filled with tupperware and dishes that had been filled with food but now had to be returned . The suitcase I ended up giving to Lina because I am not bringing it back to the states . Used only once : to get here . We didn 't even bring it to Spain . When I got home I quickly Skyped with my cousin while I got ready for dinner . Leila picked me up and we went to Alexandra 's house , which was easier this time because we knew which house was hers . And which door to knock on . John and Ken were invited , but they had practice or futsol every night that week , so we made plans without them . Alexandra is a great cook , and she made a delicious pork roast , and an octopus and bean salad , and coleslaw , with rice and salad , and a chocolate cake for dessert . I drank again , just to keep my streak going . Leila and I left around 11 : 00pm and I was so tired and full and not - feeling - good that I immediately messaged Lola and said that there was no way I was going to be able to have dinner at her house the next night . I couldn 't keep going out , and Philip was taking us out on Thursday . Deculpa , querida . Apparently Mother Nature didn 't read my Facebook comment . I got up at 8 : 00am to run 7 miles . I didn 't have the same luxury as I did the two previous days ; I couldn 't wait until it was not raining to run . I put on a long sleeve ( because it wasn 't raining as hard ) and dealt with rain , sun , rain , sun , rain , rain , sun . When I got home just before 10 : 00am , I was planning on taking Romeo out for a walk , but even he didn 't want to get out of bed . I hopped in the shower and began my getting - ready - rituals . Lina was taking me to the airport to send some bags as cargo ( much cheaper than bringing them on the flight with us ) . She picked me up at 11 : 00am and we drove to the SATA office in the old airport . We stopped on the way at the same vet we had gone to with Romeo the week before so Lina could ask about her cat . She had her spayed last week and the incision was a little red and swollen . That sweet German lady who thought Romeo was a girl told her not to worry , it was normal and Friday she was going back to the vet to have her little kitty stitches removed . We found the SATA office pretty easily ( we only went in one wrong office first , and we had left the bags in the car ) . The lady at the SATA office gave us a little attitude when we asked if we were in the right place , but she ended up being pretty nice . Once we brought the bags in , had them weighed and measured , gave lots of information , and paid , we left . Paying was the only part that was sort of eventful ; the mean - turned - nice lady didn 't have a strong signal on her credit card machine , so she had to stand outside with it so it would go through . Luckily , it was sunny in the city . We left the old airport and headed for the hospital . Leila was going to meet us for lunch , but we were still early and Lina needed to book a mammogram . Leila has been on her case about booking one , so Lina decided she really should have it done . We parked at least a ½ mile from the hospital entrance and walked ( I was beginning to understand why Leila doesn 't leave the hospital for her lunch break - it 's not worth the trouble ) . It took us a while to find the imaging department , and we walked through a strange little cafeteria with a few people on stretchers next to people eating french fries . I was glad to learn later that there is a separate cafeteria for employees ; I had been picturing Leila eating lunch in this sad little room . Leila told us to wait outside cardiology for her to be done with her patient . Just before 1 : 30pm , Leila appeared and we retreated to the parking lot . She had a better spot than us , so she drove us to our car . Carla called from the Chinese restaurant and said she was starving . She wanted to see what to order , because she didn 't want to wait . This is reason # 1 I love eating with pregnant women . One appetizer was already on the table when we arrived to meet Carla , her mom , and her cousin Sandra ( the one who dyed my hair the same color ) , and the rest of the food soon appeared . I wasn 't going to get dessert but then Carla asked me to split an ice cream with her . But when it arrived Carla deemed it too small and ordered another so we could each have our own . This is the second reason I love eating with pregnant women . Lina , Leila , and I stopped at the American store after lunch where Lina stocked up on a few things . Me ? I don 't need anything 🙂 We headed to the mall ( and left Leila 's car behind ) next to get a few things at Continente ( I bought 10 packs of kinder buenos to bring back to the states ) . We went back to the car , got in , and went about 15 feet before Lina realized she forgot to buy her dad some pajamas . We parked , got out , and went back into the mall . We ran into Carla , her mom , and Sandra at the pajama store . We went back to Continente so Lina could buy shrimp ; Ernesto wanted to have John and Ken over after futsol to say goodbye . And Ernresto had pictures made for John and Ken ( and Bobby ) that he had signed . Just like mine . We piled back into the car again and Leila said she was tired and had a headache ( probably from driving to the city and back every . single . day , next week she is going to start staying in Ponta Delgada at her family 's apartment ) . I offered to drive her car home for her , so she could relax . Which I did , but I don 't think she did very much relaxing . Lina drove us back to Leila 's car and we all went back to Povoacao . When we got back I got ready for class , ran to Pic Nic for a coffee ( now I had a headache ! ) and stopped at Sol - Mar to buy a pen . I had decided to give all my blue bands away ( John gave the lighter black bands to Filipe for coaching ) to the ladies in my class . I wanted to sign them , but I didn 't have a sharpie . Leila couldn 't find hers so I figured I would stop . Not only did Sol - Mar not have Sharpies ( or anything like one ) they didn 't even have regular pens . I hate this store . I wasn 't sure if Ernesto inviting Ken and John over after futsol was supposed to be a surprise or not ( and I wasn 't sure how to trick them into going over to Toronto ) so I just told them . They stopped home briefly after coaching the juniors before futsol . I went down to watch them play for a little while ( after I made myself dinner and relaxed at home , like I wanted to do ) , and then went to Toronto for a little while . I 'm not sure who is on the ground here . Lina had made shrimp , chorizo , and pancakes . She joked about what a weird combination it was , but it sounded like southern food to me . Ernesto doesn 't eat shellfish , so Lina had made him pancakes , and who doesn 't love pancakes ? When I got up I ran 5 miles , knowing that I was probably going to skip the gym . When I got back I had five messages and one missed Facebook call ( who knew you could make phone calls through FB ? ! ) from Philip . Lucy made fish for lunch . He told me to meet him at the bank , where he works , at 11 : 55am and we would go eat lunch with Lucy . I was going to invite John , but he was asleep . It had started to ran , so I ran over to Pic Nic for a cafe before running into the bank . Liliana and Philip got ready and we shared an umbrella on the way to Liliana 's car . I think I 've mentioned this before , but Lucy is a great cook . After we ate fish , delicious cole slaw , and steamed veggies , Liliana drove us back down to the vila . I was going to wait at the house for Leila , but she wasn 't getting out of work until later . I settled in at home to finish packing while I waited for her . John and Ken came back from the gym just as I was putting some pistachio bites in the oven . I had been packing up the kitchen , and putting food in bags to give away , so I used up some nuts , seeds , and a banana to make healthy snacks for the next day . When my treats were done cooking we went to Pic Nic for a cafe . Leila said she would be back by 4 : 30pm so at 4 : 05 I ran to the post office and Antonio 's ( for more cookies to pack ! ) . When I got back , the lady who works at Casa Campos ( who I don 't even know ! ) told me that Leila was looking for me . What ? I got back in the door and began changing my laundry over when the doorbell rang . Leila ! I was at the post office , I told her . " I know " , she said , the lady from Casa Campos told her I wasn 't home . Weird . We got into her Fiat and drove to Furnas where we bought 15 bolos levedos for me to bring home . We stopped at Pic Nic for , you guessed it , more cafes . I went home to design my very last ALKE workout . I walked over with my bags of food and dog food for Lina . It had started to rain again and the door was locked , so I went inside ALKE for the key , where I found intern Alexandre with a camera . He was going to take pictures of my final class . This picture is of my core group , minus Lola . There were three other girls in attendance , but they had never come to any other classes , so they skipped out on this pic . After class I went home to shower and get ready for dinner . Philip and Leila picked up me and John and then we picked up Ken so he didn 't have to walk in the rain . We headed back to Furnas to eat at Caldeiras . When we arrived , Lina , Ernesto , and Liliana were already there ( but otherwise , the restaurant was empty ) . We ordered wine and cheese ( none for me ! ) and then I decided to have the fish , since last time I was there I had the chicken . Leila ordered for me , but then they brought me the chicken . Leila was upset and tried to tell the waitress that she had made a mistake , we had ordered fish ( I wasn 't concerned - the chicken was delicious ) , and the waitress tried to argue with her . They don 't work for tips over here . I got a big fat piece of chocolate pie , too . Tweet tweetMy TweetsRecent Comments deb on Work ? kzechell on Snow ! Home ? | The Azores , … on Day Forty Three . . The FH comes … Week 23 in Portugal ! … on Fartlek ? Week 23 in Portugal ! … on Kitchen Sink Muffins … or … Archives April 2014 |
Hey , Y ' all , Yes , it is the new year coming in just a few minutes from now . Dick Clark 's New Year 's Eve Celebration is on and I would like to insert a poem here . The New Year by Dinah Mulock CraikWho comes dancing over the snow , His bare feet all bare and rosy ? Open the door though the cold winds blow , Take the child in and make him cozy . Take him in and hold him dear , He is the wonderful glad New Year . Happy New Year to each of you , my good friends . May you feel God 's blessings and thank Him for them . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for tonight and heading for bed . Good night all . I love each of you . I thank each of you for your good wishes and prayers over the past year . Bye for now , See you tomorrow . Hey , Y ' all , Today was a really good day . Gramps got up at a reasonable time , and I did some more rearranging of my cabinet counter tops . I got up at about 7 a . m . and cleaned the kitchen before eating my breakfast . After breakfast and my shower , I was just kind of waiting to leave for a luncheon with some of my retired teacher friends . As I have stated previously , some of us get together to eat lunch once a month and gloat over the fact that we no longer have to get up and go to school and face a group of children who don 't want to be there any more than we do . ha ha . While I was waiting to leave , I took down our Christmas decorations which took all of maybe 15 minutes . I disassembled our 32 inch artificial tree ( which consisted of folding its top over , taking it out of the plastic base , and disconnecting the ac cord , then placing it all into the storage box ) . Then the rest of that 15 minutes was taken up by taking the string of lights from the top of the mantel and putting them inside the box they were stored in . That was it , folks ! I left for the home of one of the teachers who was hosting us this month and when I arrived saw that she and her husband live in a beautiful home on a big hill . It was beautifully decorated and naturally , I was the first one there ( I am always early for appointments , etc . ) There were 2 other ladies who arrived shortly after I did . Our friend , Phyllis , could not make it because she was bitten by a dog over 5 weeks ago and still has not recovered from the bite . She had been out walking at the time and has suffered greatly with the effects of the bite . Carolyn , the hostess today , served a delicious lunch and we had a wonderful time laughing and talking . We really missed the two who could not make it today , and look forward to next month , when hopefully , they can be with us . I hope to host the lunch at my home next month . As you know , I just love to have people here at our home . I had left a lunch for Gramps here when I left for Talbott , where Carolyn and her husband live , so please don 't worrPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Sunday morning was a quiet one for us . I let Gramps sleep until about 9 a . m . , and he got up on his own at that time . Of course , it was about the time I was getting ready to sit down to eat my hot oatmeal , so I made his coffee , helped him get his blood sugar checked , and fixed his cereal for him , and then we both could eat . Then around 11 a . m . we got him into the shower , and ready for the rest of the day . Later in the day , we went to Morristown for a late lunch at Captain D 's , and got back home about 4 p . m . I worked some on my quilt on Sunday afternoon , and we watched some television . We watched the movie , " The Green Mile " that evening . It had been along time since we had seen it , and it was new for Gramps since he didn 't remember having seen it before . Yesterday morning I was up early ( about 6 : 30 ) , and did some reorganizing of my kitchen cabinet countertops ( not a lot ) and then swept and mopped the kitchen floor and cleaned the bathroom . I emptied the dishwasher , and folded some laundry and put it away . Gramps slept until about the time I was ready to sit down and eat , and so I made his coffee and helped him with his blood sugar testing , and fixed his breakfast for him , and we both were able to eat at the same time . Monday is always the day that we enjoy supper with our neighbors , so I worked part of the day on preparation for that . We had fresh salad greens , with the toppings , and I made some baked chicken strips ( a favorite of all of us ) , and made some fresh yeast rolls ( recipe is courtesy of friend blogger , Judy , who lives in KY . A link to her cooking blog can be found to the left of this posting - " Living on the other side of the Hill " ) . It will take you to her new blog TheSouthernLady64 . She has some really great recipes listed there . Our neighbors brought some really good crab casserole which is served hot , and a delicious pecan pie . Yum . A good time was had by all . After supper we opened presents , and sang some hymns , and just chatted a lot . It was great ! Then we went back into the kitchen and had tPosted by Yesterday , as you well know , was the celebration of Christmas in various places . Gramps and I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas at Mark and Allie 's home . Mark picked us up at our home at around 1 : 30 and we went directly to their home . Gramps and I had already eaten lunch at home ( consisting of a really good hamburger which was homemade ) and a cup of coffee for him and a glass of water for me . I had packed up what we needed to spend the night at their home , so when we got there , we were greeted by Allie with a hug and a kiss and made welcome . They soon had to leave to go to a Christmas Eve service at their church , where 24 people were baptized , Mark being among them . When they came back home , Allie made some supper for all of us , plus for her daughters , Rachael , and Jessie , plus Jessie 's significant other , Travis , and their daughter , Kyah . Kyah , who is almost a year old , is adorable . There was a lot of package wrapping that took place that evening behind closed doors , and in fact was still taking place after Gramps and I retired for the night . Christmas morning dawned bright and beautiful , and by 7 : 30 , Mark , Allie , and I were up and moving about . Gramps stayed true to his habits and I had to get him up around 9 a . m . By that time , Allie had prepared and cooked two casseroles of breakfast quiche , and was ready to put it on the table . All who had been there the night before was assembled and enjoyed the food . By 10 a . m . everyone was ready for the opening of gifts , and so we proceeded . Only one gift was presented and opened at a time in order to give everyone the chance to see and admire it . Lots of really neat presents were opened and enjoyed . Now , it seems that when Mark and Allie moved into their home in the spring of this year , one of the girls remarked that all they needed was a moose head to mount over the mantel in the living room , and the others joked that yes , that would really be fun ! So when Allie opened a letter from Sarah , her daughter who lives in San Francisco , with a picture of a moose head , and a message thPosted by Hey , Y ' all , If I could sing it to you in the blog , I would ! Here is wishing each of you , my friends , a Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year . Yesterday was a kind of hanging around home day ; we didn 't go anywhere , but I kind of just schlepped around here , trying to get some loose ends tied up , and didn 't even shed my gown and housecoat . Yeah , I know , it is just a lazy way to spend the day . I did work on a gift for someone , and just about got it finished . I 'll do the finishing touches today . I used my new machine to make the gift . I will take a picture of my new machine after we get back from Mark and Allie 's home and post it . Right now , I am charging the battery so it will be fully charged for pictures . My neighbor , Laurie , very kindly let her daughter , Olivia , bring down one of her Barbie movies , the story of Rapunzel , and Olivia and I watched it while Olivia knitted , working on a gift for her mom . How neat was that ! I had never seen one of the Barbie movies , and it was really entertaining . Of course , I have always loved fairy tales . When I was young , and lived in Knoxville , ( before the days of television 's popularity ) we listened to the radio . One of the programs on the radio came on on Saturday morning at 10 a . m . and was sponsored by Cream of Wheat . When I would hear the jingle , " Cream of Wheat ! It 's so good to eat , you can have it every day . We sing this song , it will make you strong , and it makes you shout - Hurray . It 's good for growing babies , and grownups , too , to eat . For all your family 's breakfast , you can 't beat Cream of Wheat " , then I knew " Let 's Pretend " was coming on . Each Saturday , the actors would present one of the fairy tales , and it was wonderful ! That was my first taste of hearing fairy tales told orally . I think I probably envisioned it so clearly that the stories became real to me . I always thought it would be fun to be an actor and tell stories . That may be why I became a storyteller and why I loved to read so very much . I become a part of the story when I read . I am right there in the midst ofPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Yesterday , I talked with Barbara and Dorothy ( sisters of Imazo ) , and when I found they were coming to visit with Imazo today , and knew that today would be probably the best of this week to get out , I knew I wanted to go this day to Knoxville to visit with all of them . So , we did . We were up early this morning , and left home about 8 : 25 or so , and stopped at Hardee 's on Asheville Highway in Knoxville and had breakfast . About 10 a . m . we arrived at Imazo 's at the same time as Joanne , Dorothy and Barbara . Joanne is one of Barbara 's daughters , and she always brings them to visit , because neither of Imazo 's sisters likes to drive that far . There were lots of " hello 's " , hugs and kisses amongst us ( except for Gramps ) , and we sat down and began our hen party of 5 hens and one old rooster . ha ha . The old rooster didn 't say much except for " hello and I 'll just sit over here and not say much " . ha ha . We talked about all kinds of things , among them , we spoke of those who had passed on this past year , and how much we missed them . We also talked about some of the things that had happened in the past few months . Dorothy told of how she had once seen a vision and I found it extremely interesting and touching . Many years ago , when one of Barbara 's children , little Steven , was three years old , he passed away . Dorothy related that his was the first death in the immediate family at that time and she was very close to the Lord then . She says that she was very concerned about where her little nephew was after passing away and she prayed that God would show her where he was . She looked at a blank wall in her kitchen and saw a vision of a field of flowers and saw Steven in that field , with the breeze blowing his hair and he was smiling . She knew then for sure that he was in paradise and was worried no more . Isn 't that a beautiful thing to have seen ? I hope she doesn 't mind my relating this story . I found it so very inspiring and comforting . I hope I got all the facts straight . Mae had to go to the doctor this morning to have some bloPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Today has been a very quiet one for me and Gramps . . . peaceful . I was up early this morning , and changed the airflow filter in the cold air return for our heating and air conditioner . I happened to notice the dust on the louvered cover and decided to clean it with a damp cloth . I started out with a damp paper towel cleaning it , and then realized that wouldn 't do the job , so I switched to a cleaning rag . For the next twenty minutes or so , I sat on a short step - ladder and cleaned . Whew ! Then , after I finished sneezing for the next ten minutes ( allergies , you know ) , I came into the work room and worked on wrapping gifts for a while . There are , after all , only a few days left ' til Christmas and then the beginning of the New Year . Then came breakfast of oatmeal , and toast and hot tea . I checked on Gramps and he was still out like a light , snoozing away . I came back into the workroom and turned on my trusty computer . I saw that Teresa was online and we started talking . She and husband Tom had given me a Sony e - book for Christmas , which I had not yet opened ( not being wild about getting into something I had to learn electronically to use ) . Even though I am fairly knowledgeable about some computer type stuff , I sometimes have to be dragged kicking and screaming ( not really ) into using the newer technologies . I am excited about having an e - book , it is just the downloading of software , etc . that scares me . Well , anyway , she walked me through it , and now I can get lots of books ( free ! ) to read and can carry a bunch of them on one little gadget ! Ain 't that grand ? I think so , don 't you ? I still have to do the registration of all the stuff , but I can do that over the next couple of days . In the meantime , my workroom looks like a war zone , because I have wrapping papers and all that kind of stuff all around . But , I promise , it will all be picked up by tomorrow evening , Scout 's honor . ( Hmmm . I never was a scout , so does that really apply ? ) Gramps got up around 12 : 30 p . m . just about the time that we got through with the e - boPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Each time I see the snow falling through the air and softly landing on the ground , I am reminded of what my sister , Margaret , and I would do when we saw it snowing . One of us would call the other and would immediately say ( when the other answered the phone ) , " It 's a - fallin ' " ! I miss those phone calls . . . she is in a better place now , anyway . Margaret passed on from this life into the next on December 29 , 2007 . This morning I was up at 5 a . m . to visit the bathroom and then decided to just stay up . A little later , I was puttering around between the kitchen and my workroom , when I noticed the bathroom door was closed . I thought , " Aha ! My Sweetie Pie is awake and about . " He came into the kitchen ready to eat breakfast , so I fixed his cereal and coffee for him , and then after he had eaten , I asked if he wanted to stay up or go back to bed . He decided he would go back to bed and asked me , " Which way is the bedroom ? " I pointed to the back door and said , " You don 't want to go that way , because it leads to the outside , so you need to go through this door behind you and then turn right . That will take you to the bedroom . " So off to bed he went , and I followed him in and helped him get settled into the bed . I went back into the kitchen and made my breakfast of a bowl of hot grits and a piece of toast . As I was sitting there I realized that a caregiver centers a lot of their life around the needs of the cared for , and yet tries to save a little time for their own needs as well . Our lives are shaped by time as needed for the caring of the loved one . Time certainly moves a lot more slowly now than it used to . It is kind of the way that when a person has a new baby , it takes a lot more time to do the simple tasks or errands that once were done quickly . When doing them with a person to whom you are giving care , more effort is expended . I still have a few presents to wrap but not very many . I have ordered the present for Gramps from LL Bean , and it should get here any day now . I went to look at Peebles for the sweater vest , buPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Did you ever go to sleep at your computer ? Well , I just did ! Ouch ! It really hurts when you bang your forehead on the computer desk ! On my last posting , I was telling you about being up until very late . . . well , I actually didn 't go to bed until about 4 : 30 a . m . the next morning . AFter posting my blog , I decided I could just go ahead and wrap gifts that had to be sent via UPS or FedEx or by USPS . So , I sorted out all the gifts with post - it notes under each , and proceeded to wrap them ( not too nicely , and no ribbons , but wrapped in Christmas paper ) and put homemade tags on them . By the time I got them wrapped and a box chosen to send the two bunches of gifts in , it was 4 a . m . on Tuesday morning . By the time I got them placed in the boxes with addresses written on a post - it note , it was 4 : 30 . When I crawled into bed , I realized I had a leg cramp , so I spent about 15 minutes rubbing the offending cramp , and then drifted off to sleep until my normal waking time of 7 : 30 . Up I get ( no jumping up that morning ) , and head into the kitchen to take my Nexium , and then to take my shower and get dressed . By 9 a . m . I was dressed and getting ready to head out the door . I had some breakfast and then was determined to get into Jefferson City . I left breakfast bowl with cereal on the table near it , with a banana , so Gramps would not have any trouble eating . I also left the coffee pot ready to turn on and drip fresh coffee . I also had the trash to carry off to the local dumpster . When I left the UPS store , I called the Dandridge sew ' n vac to see if my new sewing machine had come in . Sure enough , it had , so after making a quick stop at Walmart , I drove to Dandridge and picked up my new machine . By the time I got home it was after 11 : 30 a . m . I saw Gramps had just eaten breakfast , so I had a sandwich and decided to go take a nap . When I got into bed , I noticed I was chilling some . Two hours later , I got up and was still chilling . I checked my temp and discovered I had a low - grade fever ( about 99 . 7 ) . I took a couple of tylenol latPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Here it is nearly midnight , and I am just getting my blog done for the day . I have been up now for eighteen hours and almost went to sleep while ago sitting on my couch and almost watching tevee . ( drowsing , you know ) . Finally , Gramps said , " Why don 't we go to bed ? " I replied , " Good idea " and now here I sit blogging . I came in here to check my e - mail and other computer stuff , and I 'm not so sleepy anymore . This morning began with arising at 6 : 30 . I went into my workroom to lay out Christmas gifts and organize to whom they go . By the time I had that done , it was 8 : 30 , and I knew that I needed to get some of them wrapped , and sent away to the recipients . So I spent the next little while wrapping and choosing the proper box to send them in . By 9 : 30 I was ready to head out to the shipping place and send them . I left the house and had the box sent by 10 : 00 and then headed to the Walmart to get some groceries and do some other shopping . At 11 : 00 a . m . , I was back home and cutting up stew beef to make vegetable beef soup for supper for us and our neighbors . At noon I finally sat down to my hot oatmeal and toast . A little later , Gramps got up and I got his breakfast ready . After he ate , we got him into the bathroom for his semi - weekly shower . After his shower , I worked on adding ingredients to the soup , and then began making some yeast rolls to go with the soup . I used a recipe that I got from a friend 's blog . It has been years since I made any yeast bread . You should have seen me using the hand mixer to mix the dough . It was crawling up the beaters and trying to cover the mixer . Fortunately , I was stronger than the mixture and cowed it back down into the mixing bowl . I had to pick the dough out of the beater holes later when I was through placing the rolls in the pans . I came out with more rolls than the recipe said it would make . When they were done , they were really good . I will make them again , but only do half the recipe . After we had finished supper , we only had 12 rolls left . We had eaten about 36 ( 7 people ePosted by Hey , Y ' all , Last night Gramps and I were watching the evening news , and they had taken an unofficial poll of people on Market Square and asked what their favorite Christmas movie was . It got me to thinking about all the Christmas movies I have seen through the years . Ironically , the one that came in first in their poll was mine , as well . " The Christmas Story " with Peter Billingsly as Little Ralphie , and Darren McGavin as the father . Of course the theme throughout the movie was Ralphie 's desire to get a Red Ryder BB Gun for Christmas , and everyone telling him he would shoot his eye out if he received it . I almost know the movie word for word , but I still enjoy watching it . Another favorite is the " National Lampoon 's Christmas Vacation " with Chevy Chase and Randy Quaid . It is just toooooo funny . I like the Tim Allen Santa Clause movies as well . One cannot forget " A Christmas Carol " and all the different versions it has been made in . I just saw one called " The 3 Godfathers " which starred John Wayne , and was directed by John Ford . Another old favorite is " It 's a Wonderful Life " with Jimmy Stewart . Several years ago , they did a remake of " Miracle on 34th Street " , and it is okay , but it can 't hold a candle to the original one with Maureen O ' Hara and Natalie Wood which I saw when it was made in black and white . As you may know , movie making was originally done using black and white film , and no one really noticed the fact . Somehow , technicolor just doesn 't come out the same as black and white . It doesn 't seem to catch the detail as black and white does . Two more films that have nothing to do with Christmas , but which I have dearly enjoyed through the years are : " No Time for Sergeants " with Andy Griffith and Nick Adams , and " Gone with the Wind " with Clark Gable . When I watch Andy Griffith in that movie , I just laugh until I start coughing . It is just too funny ! And when I see Scarlett O ' Hara say , " I 'll think about that tomorrow , for after all , tomorrow 's another day " , I think , " Yeah , she 's right . Tomorrow is another day . " I knPosted by Hey , Y ' all , I thought morning would be a long time coming this morning , and it was . I don 't really feel I have had a good night 's sleep , because I woke up around 2 something this morning and Gramps was not in bed . I hollered and said , " Honey , where are you ? " He replied , " In the bathroom " . " Are you okay ? " " Yes " . I laid back down and waited awhile and must have drifted back to sleep . Another thirty minutes passed , and I sat up again . I hollered again , and he replied that he was in the living room and had been reading the Bible . I said , " Come back to bed and then you can read it tomorrow . You need to sleep now . " He replied that he was lying down and was going to sleep on the couch . I said , " You can 't sleep on the couch , because I am working on my quilt there , and the quilt is on the couch . " He said , " I 'm on the other couch . " Well , folks , the other couch is a love seat , and so I got up and went into the living room and there he was lying on his back , curled up on the love seat with a pillow on top of him as a cover . I got him up and back to bed . He told me it was getting crowded in the living room with all those other people in there . When he got into his bed , I was asking him who the other people were that were in the living room . He told me that he didn 't know who they were , but they just crawled in a few at a time . After he got covered up , he kept raising his head to look at the clock to see what time it was . I finally got him to go back to sleep , but my night was shot to pieces , and now he is sound asleep , and I am up . ha . We are going into Knoxville later today to do Movie day with Mae and Imazo . Last evening , I decided to preview the movie I had decided to take today . Well ! It is a good thing that I did . The movie I had selected was " The Christmas Shoes " . THAT would have been a big mistake . It is a saaaaaaaaad movie , but has a sweet ending . However , it is not the movie to take for three emotional women to watch . For those of you who do not know , it is based on the country music song , " Christmas Shoes " , about a boy whose Posted by Hey , Y ' all , Yesterday was a really busy day and I still didn 't get it all done that I intended to do . I was up early ( about 7a . m . ) and was dressed and had breakfast by 8 : 30 . I had great intentions to carry off the trash , go to Dandridge to pick up my sewing machine , stop at Walmart , stop at the grocery store , and stop at the drug store to pick up a prescription . By 9 : 30 , after having talked to the sew n ' vac repairman in Dandridge to see that my machine was ready , I loaded up the trash and headed to the New Market Dumpsters . I had left the coffee ready to be turned on to drip and make by Gramps , and had set out his cereal and bowl , with the spoon in it . Of course , he was still in bed . By a little past 10 a . m . I was talking to the repairman in Dandridge , and discovered that the machine was beyond repair without spending another 500 - 600 above the 125 that I already owed for the time he had spent taking it apart and putting it back together . Another hour and I was coming back home to get the quilt and show him the stitch I had been sewing . I had already decided to order a machine from him ( now don 't be saying , " Oh , man , she got taken in ! " . It ain 't so . The upshot was that when I went home to get the quilt , I also brought back the rest of the machine ( embroidery part ) and the book , so that he could get whatever he could for it . He also showed me how I could embroider free style using a regular zigzag machine . The machine that I took in cost close to a thousand dollars new , and it was not worth another 600 to put into it . The problem with it was the circuit board inside the machine that controls about everything concerning the stitches . The machine I ordered is a Necchi , top of the line zigzag and for less than I paid for the Brother embroidery machine . I guess you could say it is my expensive Christmas gift to me and to those who will be receiving stitched goods from me . ( not this year 's stitched gifts ) Well , by 1 : 00 , I was leaving the sew n ' vac shop and on my way back to Jefferson City , being somewhat lighter in my pursPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Last night I was able to go to our church for the evening services , even though I have difficulties seeing to drive at night . I have decided that when I can , even though it is too cool for Gramps to get out , I will go on Sunday evenings . It is possible , so I will do so . Since I am a Baptist , and this is December , it is the month when we give money to support foreign missions to the Lottie Moon Christmas offering . Missions have always been very dear to my heart . The speaker last night , Dr . Danny Hinson , along with his wife , Jan , was a foreign missionary for eighteen years to Japan and other countries in Asia . Dr . Hinson is the director of International Studies at Carson - Newman College in Jefferson City . He told of their difficulties in learning languages , and of how many people who have never heard of Jesus , not even having heard His name . He also told of how very hungry the people are to hear the word of God , and to know His promises and the truth of them . To see the possibilities of life , they are so hungry . I was reminded of the time when I was eighteen years old , just graduated from high school , and had the opportunity to go to YWA ( Young Women 's Auxiliary ) camp at Ridgecrest , in North Carolina . YWA is a branch of Women 's Missionary Union , and a Baptist function . My way was paid by the ladies of our church at New Market . I know there were not a lot of them , but it was so wonderful of them . Some of them were : Mrs . Ruth Rader , Mrs . Nettie Ivy , Mrs . Lynne French , Mrs . Evelyn Roach , Mrs . Imogene Berry . They have all gone on to their reward , but they saw the possibilities it would provide for me . The week at Ridgecrest was wonderful and an unforgettable experience for me . It was the first time I had ever been away from home overnight for more than a day , and also the first time I had ever been out of state . Needless to say , I got a little homesick , but not terribly so . It was there that I first had any positive attention from a boy , and I guess you could say I had my first date there . One of the boys who woPosted by Hey , Y ' all , A story for you : The year was 1952 , exactly 57 years ago . The two women walked carefully along the sidewalk , because of the snow on the ground . It was afternoon , and the younger of the two had an appointment with the doctor . The young women were both petite , and the younger one was heavy with child . They were bundled warmly against the cold , bitter wind that was blowing across the icy sidewalk . When they reached the bus stop , the older one assisted the younger in getting onto the bus . After several minutes travel on the bus , they exited the bus downtown and crossed the street carefully to the office building where the doctor 's office was located . The pregnant young woman was filled with excitement and anxiety , not knowing exactly what was ahead of her . Upon reaching the doctor 's office , the expectant mother was told that she would be delivered of her child ( still not knowing the sex of the child ) by Cesarean section that evening at the St . Joseph 's Hospital . She was told that due to her small - framed body , it would be safer for both her and the child . She and her husband had chosen two names . If the child was a boy , he was to be named Gordon , and if a girl , Carol Deanna . Carol was a feminine form of Charles , and Deanna was because the mother really liked a movie star named Deanna Durbin . I looked her up online and found she is still living . She is 87 years old . Can you believe it ? Later that evening , with the older woman , Margaret , ( sister to the younger woman , Ruby ) , waiting in the surgical waiting room , the father came to the hospital after getting off from work , and the two waited while Carol was delivered to Ruby at 9 p . m . The doctor later told the parents and aunt that Carol Deanna was born crying . Carol has been blessing family and friends with words and affection ever since . The next evening , her Uncle Harold came with her aunt and father to visit babe and Mother , Ruby , with stories of how they got lost driving over and of going the wrong way on a one - way street , making Ruby laugh and making her bellyPosted by Hey , Y ' all , What is delayed , you may ask . Well , the day before yesterday , I was doing pretty good stitching along on my little sewing machine which also does embroidery . I was doing a decorative stitch , reinforcing the binding that I had put on Will 's quilt so that it would add to the beauty of it . After breaking the second machine needle on that particular step in the quilt making , the needle 's thread started breaking every few stitches . I opened the plate under the needle and cleaned out all the lint I could find . Tried it again . No luck . After I got the thread to stop breaking , then the machine began making only half of the design . After quite of reading the instruction book ( no help there ) , I changed needles again , and put in a smaller size , and when that didn 't work , I finally gave up and called a place in Dandridge that repairs machines , and he told me to bring it over . I took it over and he called me later in the day and asked me if it was worth over $ 125 to me to have it repaired . I told him that I paid over 900 dollars for it , and I didn 't want to have to replace it . He told me the $ 125 would probably cover the labor of taking it apart . He seemed to know what was wrong with it , and described the problem to me . Something loose down under the bobbin case that is not catching the needle 's thread properly seemed to be the problem . So , I went back to doing the hand stitching on the quilt on each square . I finished another square yesterday . That only leaves 23 of them to do yet . I had finished all but part of one side of the decorative stitching around the edge of the quilt . Well , Gramps is up today , and it is not quite 8 a . m . We went to bed last night around midnight , and he seems to be staying up longer during the day . That is good . He seems to have good days and some not so good . He stubbed a toe sometime during the night before last , and it was bleeding yesterday during the day . We put some peroxide on it and he put a bandage on it . I will check it out today and see how it is doing . He can 't afford to lose a toePosted by Hey , Y ' all , Another full moon last night shone in a night sky and millions of stars twinkled in accompaniment to its light . When daylight came , there was a huge frost that covered the ground like a baby snow . It was beautiful . I was up before daylight came , and barefooted it into the kitchen to begin my day . I caught up on my laundry this morning , I cleaned out the old leftovers and gathered together the trash , bagging it up in preparation for carting it off to the local dumpster / compactor . I also stopped at the post office to mail a small package for daughter , Carol 's , birthday on Saturday . I was finished with breakfast and also with emptying the dishwasher before 8 : 30 . I was feeling great today . I did the vacuuming yesterday morning , and we had three home health care visitors yesterday . One was to discharge Gramps from the occupational therapy , another was the physical therapist who evaluated him to see if he could benefit from another round of PT , and the last was the nurse who certified that he would be getting another 60 days of PT ( Physical Therapy ) . Whew ! We certainly had our share of visitors yesterday by 2 : 00 p . m . We also got to see our niece , Donna and Gramps ' sister , Bonnie Jean , who came to visit around 4 : 30 and stayed for about 45 minutes . I hope they will be able to stay longer the next time they visit . Donna is the major caregiver of Bonnie , since Bonnie is no longer able to live alone . Bonnie is very fortunate to have such good care . We all know that the life of a caregiver is not always smooth sailing , but is rewarding in its own way . UPDATE on Richard ( Pam 's husband ) It seems he is off the ventilator , and was able to call home and talk to his wife and their granddaughters , Hannah and Haley . They absolutely love their grandpa to pieces and I am sure were delighted to hear from him in person . Please continue to keep them in your prayers , because he isn 't out of the woods yet , but close to the border of them . We had a lovely visit from our good friends ( and adopted family ) Mark and Allie , this afternoon . Grammy Blogs are so much fun ! If you enjoy a blog entry , and would like to leave a comment , notice that at the bottom of each blog entry is are the words , " 0 comments " or " 2 comments " , reflecting how many comments people have made . Sometimes people comment on the entry , sometimes they even comment on each other 's comments ! Some polite rules for comments are no unkind words , say nice or humorous things or refrain from commenting , no profanity ( which I wouldn 't expect out of my friends , anyway ! ) , and don 't use other people 's last names , because some folks don 't like their names made public . To comment , just click on the " 0 comments " line , and it will take you to a place to comment . Write your comment in the space they provide . Then you have to " log in " . If you don 't have a google account , just click on the link to getting an account . It 's free . . . . will not cost you anything at all . After you write your comment and sign in , say , " Publish your comment " , and you 've blogged ! Enjoy ! |
Hey , Y ' all , Yes , it is the new year coming in just a few minutes from now . Dick Clark 's New Year 's Eve Celebration is on and I would like to insert a poem here . The New Year by Dinah Mulock CraikWho comes dancing over the snow , His bare feet all bare and rosy ? Open the door though the cold winds blow , Take the child in and make him cozy . Take him in and hold him dear , He is the wonderful glad New Year . Happy New Year to each of you , my good friends . May you feel God 's blessings and thank Him for them . This is Blabbin ' Grammy signing off for tonight and heading for bed . Good night all . I love each of you . I thank each of you for your good wishes and prayers over the past year . Bye for now , See you tomorrow . Hey , Y ' all , Today was a really good day . Gramps got up at a reasonable time , and I did some more rearranging of my cabinet counter tops . I got up at about 7 a . m . and cleaned the kitchen before eating my breakfast . After breakfast and my shower , I was just kind of waiting to leave for a luncheon with some of my retired teacher friends . As I have stated previously , some of us get together to eat lunch once a month and gloat over the fact that we no longer have to get up and go to school and face a group of children who don 't want to be there any more than we do . ha ha . While I was waiting to leave , I took down our Christmas decorations which took all of maybe 15 minutes . I disassembled our 32 inch artificial tree ( which consisted of folding its top over , taking it out of the plastic base , and disconnecting the ac cord , then placing it all into the storage box ) . Then the rest of that 15 minutes was taken up by taking the string of lights from the top of the mantel and putting them inside the box they were stored in . That was it , folks ! I left for the home of one of the teachers who was hosting us this month and when I arrived saw that she and her husband live in a beautiful home on a big hill . It was beautifully decorated and naturally , I was the first one there ( I am always early for appointments , etc . ) There were 2 other ladies who arrived shortly after I did . Our friend , Phyllis , could not make it because she was bitten by a dog over 5 weeks ago and still has not recovered from the bite . She had been out walking at the time and has suffered greatly with the effects of the bite . Carolyn , the hostess today , served a delicious lunch and we had a wonderful time laughing and talking . We really missed the two who could not make it today , and look forward to next month , when hopefully , they can be with us . I hope to host the lunch at my home next month . As you know , I just love to have people here at our home . I had left a lunch for Gramps here when I left for Talbott , where Carolyn and her husband live , so please don 't worrPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Sunday morning was a quiet one for us . I let Gramps sleep until about 9 a . m . , and he got up on his own at that time . Of course , it was about the time I was getting ready to sit down to eat my hot oatmeal , so I made his coffee , helped him get his blood sugar checked , and fixed his cereal for him , and then we both could eat . Then around 11 a . m . we got him into the shower , and ready for the rest of the day . Later in the day , we went to Morristown for a late lunch at Captain D 's , and got back home about 4 p . m . I worked some on my quilt on Sunday afternoon , and we watched some television . We watched the movie , " The Green Mile " that evening . It had been along time since we had seen it , and it was new for Gramps since he didn 't remember having seen it before . Yesterday morning I was up early ( about 6 : 30 ) , and did some reorganizing of my kitchen cabinet countertops ( not a lot ) and then swept and mopped the kitchen floor and cleaned the bathroom . I emptied the dishwasher , and folded some laundry and put it away . Gramps slept until about the time I was ready to sit down and eat , and so I made his coffee and helped him with his blood sugar testing , and fixed his breakfast for him , and we both were able to eat at the same time . Monday is always the day that we enjoy supper with our neighbors , so I worked part of the day on preparation for that . We had fresh salad greens , with the toppings , and I made some baked chicken strips ( a favorite of all of us ) , and made some fresh yeast rolls ( recipe is courtesy of friend blogger , Judy , who lives in KY . A link to her cooking blog can be found to the left of this posting - " Living on the other side of the Hill " ) . It will take you to her new blog TheSouthernLady64 . She has some really great recipes listed there . Our neighbors brought some really good crab casserole which is served hot , and a delicious pecan pie . Yum . A good time was had by all . After supper we opened presents , and sang some hymns , and just chatted a lot . It was great ! Then we went back into the kitchen and had tPosted by Yesterday , as you well know , was the celebration of Christmas in various places . Gramps and I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas at Mark and Allie 's home . Mark picked us up at our home at around 1 : 30 and we went directly to their home . Gramps and I had already eaten lunch at home ( consisting of a really good hamburger which was homemade ) and a cup of coffee for him and a glass of water for me . I had packed up what we needed to spend the night at their home , so when we got there , we were greeted by Allie with a hug and a kiss and made welcome . They soon had to leave to go to a Christmas Eve service at their church , where 24 people were baptized , Mark being among them . When they came back home , Allie made some supper for all of us , plus for her daughters , Rachael , and Jessie , plus Jessie 's significant other , Travis , and their daughter , Kyah . Kyah , who is almost a year old , is adorable . There was a lot of package wrapping that took place that evening behind closed doors , and in fact was still taking place after Gramps and I retired for the night . Christmas morning dawned bright and beautiful , and by 7 : 30 , Mark , Allie , and I were up and moving about . Gramps stayed true to his habits and I had to get him up around 9 a . m . By that time , Allie had prepared and cooked two casseroles of breakfast quiche , and was ready to put it on the table . All who had been there the night before was assembled and enjoyed the food . By 10 a . m . everyone was ready for the opening of gifts , and so we proceeded . Only one gift was presented and opened at a time in order to give everyone the chance to see and admire it . Lots of really neat presents were opened and enjoyed . Now , it seems that when Mark and Allie moved into their home in the spring of this year , one of the girls remarked that all they needed was a moose head to mount over the mantel in the living room , and the others joked that yes , that would really be fun ! So when Allie opened a letter from Sarah , her daughter who lives in San Francisco , with a picture of a moose head , and a message thPosted by Hey , Y ' all , If I could sing it to you in the blog , I would ! Here is wishing each of you , my friends , a Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year . Yesterday was a kind of hanging around home day ; we didn 't go anywhere , but I kind of just schlepped around here , trying to get some loose ends tied up , and didn 't even shed my gown and housecoat . Yeah , I know , it is just a lazy way to spend the day . I did work on a gift for someone , and just about got it finished . I 'll do the finishing touches today . I used my new machine to make the gift . I will take a picture of my new machine after we get back from Mark and Allie 's home and post it . Right now , I am charging the battery so it will be fully charged for pictures . My neighbor , Laurie , very kindly let her daughter , Olivia , bring down one of her Barbie movies , the story of Rapunzel , and Olivia and I watched it while Olivia knitted , working on a gift for her mom . How neat was that ! I had never seen one of the Barbie movies , and it was really entertaining . Of course , I have always loved fairy tales . When I was young , and lived in Knoxville , ( before the days of television 's popularity ) we listened to the radio . One of the programs on the radio came on on Saturday morning at 10 a . m . and was sponsored by Cream of Wheat . When I would hear the jingle , " Cream of Wheat ! It 's so good to eat , you can have it every day . We sing this song , it will make you strong , and it makes you shout - Hurray . It 's good for growing babies , and grownups , too , to eat . For all your family 's breakfast , you can 't beat Cream of Wheat " , then I knew " Let 's Pretend " was coming on . Each Saturday , the actors would present one of the fairy tales , and it was wonderful ! That was my first taste of hearing fairy tales told orally . I think I probably envisioned it so clearly that the stories became real to me . I always thought it would be fun to be an actor and tell stories . That may be why I became a storyteller and why I loved to read so very much . I become a part of the story when I read . I am right there in the midst ofPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Yesterday , I talked with Barbara and Dorothy ( sisters of Imazo ) , and when I found they were coming to visit with Imazo today , and knew that today would be probably the best of this week to get out , I knew I wanted to go this day to Knoxville to visit with all of them . So , we did . We were up early this morning , and left home about 8 : 25 or so , and stopped at Hardee 's on Asheville Highway in Knoxville and had breakfast . About 10 a . m . we arrived at Imazo 's at the same time as Joanne , Dorothy and Barbara . Joanne is one of Barbara 's daughters , and she always brings them to visit , because neither of Imazo 's sisters likes to drive that far . There were lots of " hello 's " , hugs and kisses amongst us ( except for Gramps ) , and we sat down and began our hen party of 5 hens and one old rooster . ha ha . The old rooster didn 't say much except for " hello and I 'll just sit over here and not say much " . ha ha . We talked about all kinds of things , among them , we spoke of those who had passed on this past year , and how much we missed them . We also talked about some of the things that had happened in the past few months . Dorothy told of how she had once seen a vision and I found it extremely interesting and touching . Many years ago , when one of Barbara 's children , little Steven , was three years old , he passed away . Dorothy related that his was the first death in the immediate family at that time and she was very close to the Lord then . She says that she was very concerned about where her little nephew was after passing away and she prayed that God would show her where he was . She looked at a blank wall in her kitchen and saw a vision of a field of flowers and saw Steven in that field , with the breeze blowing his hair and he was smiling . She knew then for sure that he was in paradise and was worried no more . Isn 't that a beautiful thing to have seen ? I hope she doesn 't mind my relating this story . I found it so very inspiring and comforting . I hope I got all the facts straight . Mae had to go to the doctor this morning to have some bloPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Today has been a very quiet one for me and Gramps . . . peaceful . I was up early this morning , and changed the airflow filter in the cold air return for our heating and air conditioner . I happened to notice the dust on the louvered cover and decided to clean it with a damp cloth . I started out with a damp paper towel cleaning it , and then realized that wouldn 't do the job , so I switched to a cleaning rag . For the next twenty minutes or so , I sat on a short step - ladder and cleaned . Whew ! Then , after I finished sneezing for the next ten minutes ( allergies , you know ) , I came into the work room and worked on wrapping gifts for a while . There are , after all , only a few days left ' til Christmas and then the beginning of the New Year . Then came breakfast of oatmeal , and toast and hot tea . I checked on Gramps and he was still out like a light , snoozing away . I came back into the workroom and turned on my trusty computer . I saw that Teresa was online and we started talking . She and husband Tom had given me a Sony e - book for Christmas , which I had not yet opened ( not being wild about getting into something I had to learn electronically to use ) . Even though I am fairly knowledgeable about some computer type stuff , I sometimes have to be dragged kicking and screaming ( not really ) into using the newer technologies . I am excited about having an e - book , it is just the downloading of software , etc . that scares me . Well , anyway , she walked me through it , and now I can get lots of books ( free ! ) to read and can carry a bunch of them on one little gadget ! Ain 't that grand ? I think so , don 't you ? I still have to do the registration of all the stuff , but I can do that over the next couple of days . In the meantime , my workroom looks like a war zone , because I have wrapping papers and all that kind of stuff all around . But , I promise , it will all be picked up by tomorrow evening , Scout 's honor . ( Hmmm . I never was a scout , so does that really apply ? ) Gramps got up around 12 : 30 p . m . just about the time that we got through with the e - boPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Each time I see the snow falling through the air and softly landing on the ground , I am reminded of what my sister , Margaret , and I would do when we saw it snowing . One of us would call the other and would immediately say ( when the other answered the phone ) , " It 's a - fallin ' " ! I miss those phone calls . . . she is in a better place now , anyway . Margaret passed on from this life into the next on December 29 , 2007 . This morning I was up at 5 a . m . to visit the bathroom and then decided to just stay up . A little later , I was puttering around between the kitchen and my workroom , when I noticed the bathroom door was closed . I thought , " Aha ! My Sweetie Pie is awake and about . " He came into the kitchen ready to eat breakfast , so I fixed his cereal and coffee for him , and then after he had eaten , I asked if he wanted to stay up or go back to bed . He decided he would go back to bed and asked me , " Which way is the bedroom ? " I pointed to the back door and said , " You don 't want to go that way , because it leads to the outside , so you need to go through this door behind you and then turn right . That will take you to the bedroom . " So off to bed he went , and I followed him in and helped him get settled into the bed . I went back into the kitchen and made my breakfast of a bowl of hot grits and a piece of toast . As I was sitting there I realized that a caregiver centers a lot of their life around the needs of the cared for , and yet tries to save a little time for their own needs as well . Our lives are shaped by time as needed for the caring of the loved one . Time certainly moves a lot more slowly now than it used to . It is kind of the way that when a person has a new baby , it takes a lot more time to do the simple tasks or errands that once were done quickly . When doing them with a person to whom you are giving care , more effort is expended . I still have a few presents to wrap but not very many . I have ordered the present for Gramps from LL Bean , and it should get here any day now . I went to look at Peebles for the sweater vest , buPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Did you ever go to sleep at your computer ? Well , I just did ! Ouch ! It really hurts when you bang your forehead on the computer desk ! On my last posting , I was telling you about being up until very late . . . well , I actually didn 't go to bed until about 4 : 30 a . m . the next morning . AFter posting my blog , I decided I could just go ahead and wrap gifts that had to be sent via UPS or FedEx or by USPS . So , I sorted out all the gifts with post - it notes under each , and proceeded to wrap them ( not too nicely , and no ribbons , but wrapped in Christmas paper ) and put homemade tags on them . By the time I got them wrapped and a box chosen to send the two bunches of gifts in , it was 4 a . m . on Tuesday morning . By the time I got them placed in the boxes with addresses written on a post - it note , it was 4 : 30 . When I crawled into bed , I realized I had a leg cramp , so I spent about 15 minutes rubbing the offending cramp , and then drifted off to sleep until my normal waking time of 7 : 30 . Up I get ( no jumping up that morning ) , and head into the kitchen to take my Nexium , and then to take my shower and get dressed . By 9 a . m . I was dressed and getting ready to head out the door . I had some breakfast and then was determined to get into Jefferson City . I left breakfast bowl with cereal on the table near it , with a banana , so Gramps would not have any trouble eating . I also left the coffee pot ready to turn on and drip fresh coffee . I also had the trash to carry off to the local dumpster . When I left the UPS store , I called the Dandridge sew ' n vac to see if my new sewing machine had come in . Sure enough , it had , so after making a quick stop at Walmart , I drove to Dandridge and picked up my new machine . By the time I got home it was after 11 : 30 a . m . I saw Gramps had just eaten breakfast , so I had a sandwich and decided to go take a nap . When I got into bed , I noticed I was chilling some . Two hours later , I got up and was still chilling . I checked my temp and discovered I had a low - grade fever ( about 99 . 7 ) . I took a couple of tylenol latPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Here it is nearly midnight , and I am just getting my blog done for the day . I have been up now for eighteen hours and almost went to sleep while ago sitting on my couch and almost watching tevee . ( drowsing , you know ) . Finally , Gramps said , " Why don 't we go to bed ? " I replied , " Good idea " and now here I sit blogging . I came in here to check my e - mail and other computer stuff , and I 'm not so sleepy anymore . This morning began with arising at 6 : 30 . I went into my workroom to lay out Christmas gifts and organize to whom they go . By the time I had that done , it was 8 : 30 , and I knew that I needed to get some of them wrapped , and sent away to the recipients . So I spent the next little while wrapping and choosing the proper box to send them in . By 9 : 30 I was ready to head out to the shipping place and send them . I left the house and had the box sent by 10 : 00 and then headed to the Walmart to get some groceries and do some other shopping . At 11 : 00 a . m . , I was back home and cutting up stew beef to make vegetable beef soup for supper for us and our neighbors . At noon I finally sat down to my hot oatmeal and toast . A little later , Gramps got up and I got his breakfast ready . After he ate , we got him into the bathroom for his semi - weekly shower . After his shower , I worked on adding ingredients to the soup , and then began making some yeast rolls to go with the soup . I used a recipe that I got from a friend 's blog . It has been years since I made any yeast bread . You should have seen me using the hand mixer to mix the dough . It was crawling up the beaters and trying to cover the mixer . Fortunately , I was stronger than the mixture and cowed it back down into the mixing bowl . I had to pick the dough out of the beater holes later when I was through placing the rolls in the pans . I came out with more rolls than the recipe said it would make . When they were done , they were really good . I will make them again , but only do half the recipe . After we had finished supper , we only had 12 rolls left . We had eaten about 36 ( 7 people ePosted by Hey , Y ' all , Last night Gramps and I were watching the evening news , and they had taken an unofficial poll of people on Market Square and asked what their favorite Christmas movie was . It got me to thinking about all the Christmas movies I have seen through the years . Ironically , the one that came in first in their poll was mine , as well . " The Christmas Story " with Peter Billingsly as Little Ralphie , and Darren McGavin as the father . Of course the theme throughout the movie was Ralphie 's desire to get a Red Ryder BB Gun for Christmas , and everyone telling him he would shoot his eye out if he received it . I almost know the movie word for word , but I still enjoy watching it . Another favorite is the " National Lampoon 's Christmas Vacation " with Chevy Chase and Randy Quaid . It is just toooooo funny . I like the Tim Allen Santa Clause movies as well . One cannot forget " A Christmas Carol " and all the different versions it has been made in . I just saw one called " The 3 Godfathers " which starred John Wayne , and was directed by John Ford . Another old favorite is " It 's a Wonderful Life " with Jimmy Stewart . Several years ago , they did a remake of " Miracle on 34th Street " , and it is okay , but it can 't hold a candle to the original one with Maureen O ' Hara and Natalie Wood which I saw when it was made in black and white . As you may know , movie making was originally done using black and white film , and no one really noticed the fact . Somehow , technicolor just doesn 't come out the same as black and white . It doesn 't seem to catch the detail as black and white does . Two more films that have nothing to do with Christmas , but which I have dearly enjoyed through the years are : " No Time for Sergeants " with Andy Griffith and Nick Adams , and " Gone with the Wind " with Clark Gable . When I watch Andy Griffith in that movie , I just laugh until I start coughing . It is just too funny ! And when I see Scarlett O ' Hara say , " I 'll think about that tomorrow , for after all , tomorrow 's another day " , I think , " Yeah , she 's right . Tomorrow is another day . " I knPosted by Hey , Y ' all , I thought morning would be a long time coming this morning , and it was . I don 't really feel I have had a good night 's sleep , because I woke up around 2 something this morning and Gramps was not in bed . I hollered and said , " Honey , where are you ? " He replied , " In the bathroom " . " Are you okay ? " " Yes " . I laid back down and waited awhile and must have drifted back to sleep . Another thirty minutes passed , and I sat up again . I hollered again , and he replied that he was in the living room and had been reading the Bible . I said , " Come back to bed and then you can read it tomorrow . You need to sleep now . " He replied that he was lying down and was going to sleep on the couch . I said , " You can 't sleep on the couch , because I am working on my quilt there , and the quilt is on the couch . " He said , " I 'm on the other couch . " Well , folks , the other couch is a love seat , and so I got up and went into the living room and there he was lying on his back , curled up on the love seat with a pillow on top of him as a cover . I got him up and back to bed . He told me it was getting crowded in the living room with all those other people in there . When he got into his bed , I was asking him who the other people were that were in the living room . He told me that he didn 't know who they were , but they just crawled in a few at a time . After he got covered up , he kept raising his head to look at the clock to see what time it was . I finally got him to go back to sleep , but my night was shot to pieces , and now he is sound asleep , and I am up . ha . We are going into Knoxville later today to do Movie day with Mae and Imazo . Last evening , I decided to preview the movie I had decided to take today . Well ! It is a good thing that I did . The movie I had selected was " The Christmas Shoes " . THAT would have been a big mistake . It is a saaaaaaaaad movie , but has a sweet ending . However , it is not the movie to take for three emotional women to watch . For those of you who do not know , it is based on the country music song , " Christmas Shoes " , about a boy whose Posted by Hey , Y ' all , Yesterday was a really busy day and I still didn 't get it all done that I intended to do . I was up early ( about 7a . m . ) and was dressed and had breakfast by 8 : 30 . I had great intentions to carry off the trash , go to Dandridge to pick up my sewing machine , stop at Walmart , stop at the grocery store , and stop at the drug store to pick up a prescription . By 9 : 30 , after having talked to the sew n ' vac repairman in Dandridge to see that my machine was ready , I loaded up the trash and headed to the New Market Dumpsters . I had left the coffee ready to be turned on to drip and make by Gramps , and had set out his cereal and bowl , with the spoon in it . Of course , he was still in bed . By a little past 10 a . m . I was talking to the repairman in Dandridge , and discovered that the machine was beyond repair without spending another 500 - 600 above the 125 that I already owed for the time he had spent taking it apart and putting it back together . Another hour and I was coming back home to get the quilt and show him the stitch I had been sewing . I had already decided to order a machine from him ( now don 't be saying , " Oh , man , she got taken in ! " . It ain 't so . The upshot was that when I went home to get the quilt , I also brought back the rest of the machine ( embroidery part ) and the book , so that he could get whatever he could for it . He also showed me how I could embroider free style using a regular zigzag machine . The machine that I took in cost close to a thousand dollars new , and it was not worth another 600 to put into it . The problem with it was the circuit board inside the machine that controls about everything concerning the stitches . The machine I ordered is a Necchi , top of the line zigzag and for less than I paid for the Brother embroidery machine . I guess you could say it is my expensive Christmas gift to me and to those who will be receiving stitched goods from me . ( not this year 's stitched gifts ) Well , by 1 : 00 , I was leaving the sew n ' vac shop and on my way back to Jefferson City , being somewhat lighter in my pursPosted by Hey , Y ' all , Last night I was able to go to our church for the evening services , even though I have difficulties seeing to drive at night . I have decided that when I can , even though it is too cool for Gramps to get out , I will go on Sunday evenings . It is possible , so I will do so . Since I am a Baptist , and this is December , it is the month when we give money to support foreign missions to the Lottie Moon Christmas offering . Missions have always been very dear to my heart . The speaker last night , Dr . Danny Hinson , along with his wife , Jan , was a foreign missionary for eighteen years to Japan and other countries in Asia . Dr . Hinson is the director of International Studies at Carson - Newman College in Jefferson City . He told of their difficulties in learning languages , and of how many people who have never heard of Jesus , not even having heard His name . He also told of how very hungry the people are to hear the word of God , and to know His promises and the truth of them . To see the possibilities of life , they are so hungry . I was reminded of the time when I was eighteen years old , just graduated from high school , and had the opportunity to go to YWA ( Young Women 's Auxiliary ) camp at Ridgecrest , in North Carolina . YWA is a branch of Women 's Missionary Union , and a Baptist function . My way was paid by the ladies of our church at New Market . I know there were not a lot of them , but it was so wonderful of them . Some of them were : Mrs . Ruth Rader , Mrs . Nettie Ivy , Mrs . Lynne French , Mrs . Evelyn Roach , Mrs . Imogene Berry . They have all gone on to their reward , but they saw the possibilities it would provide for me . The week at Ridgecrest was wonderful and an unforgettable experience for me . It was the first time I had ever been away from home overnight for more than a day , and also the first time I had ever been out of state . Needless to say , I got a little homesick , but not terribly so . It was there that I first had any positive attention from a boy , and I guess you could say I had my first date there . One of the boys who woPosted by Hey , Y ' all , A story for you : The year was 1952 , exactly 57 years ago . The two women walked carefully along the sidewalk , because of the snow on the ground . It was afternoon , and the younger of the two had an appointment with the doctor . The young women were both petite , and the younger one was heavy with child . They were bundled warmly against the cold , bitter wind that was blowing across the icy sidewalk . When they reached the bus stop , the older one assisted the younger in getting onto the bus . After several minutes travel on the bus , they exited the bus downtown and crossed the street carefully to the office building where the doctor 's office was located . The pregnant young woman was filled with excitement and anxiety , not knowing exactly what was ahead of her . Upon reaching the doctor 's office , the expectant mother was told that she would be delivered of her child ( still not knowing the sex of the child ) by Cesarean section that evening at the St . Joseph 's Hospital . She was told that due to her small - framed body , it would be safer for both her and the child . She and her husband had chosen two names . If the child was a boy , he was to be named Gordon , and if a girl , Carol Deanna . Carol was a feminine form of Charles , and Deanna was because the mother really liked a movie star named Deanna Durbin . I looked her up online and found she is still living . She is 87 years old . Can you believe it ? Later that evening , with the older woman , Margaret , ( sister to the younger woman , Ruby ) , waiting in the surgical waiting room , the father came to the hospital after getting off from work , and the two waited while Carol was delivered to Ruby at 9 p . m . The doctor later told the parents and aunt that Carol Deanna was born crying . Carol has been blessing family and friends with words and affection ever since . The next evening , her Uncle Harold came with her aunt and father to visit babe and Mother , Ruby , with stories of how they got lost driving over and of going the wrong way on a one - way street , making Ruby laugh and making her bellyPosted by Hey , Y ' all , What is delayed , you may ask . Well , the day before yesterday , I was doing pretty good stitching along on my little sewing machine which also does embroidery . I was doing a decorative stitch , reinforcing the binding that I had put on Will 's quilt so that it would add to the beauty of it . After breaking the second machine needle on that particular step in the quilt making , the needle 's thread started breaking every few stitches . I opened the plate under the needle and cleaned out all the lint I could find . Tried it again . No luck . After I got the thread to stop breaking , then the machine began making only half of the design . After quite of reading the instruction book ( no help there ) , I changed needles again , and put in a smaller size , and when that didn 't work , I finally gave up and called a place in Dandridge that repairs machines , and he told me to bring it over . I took it over and he called me later in the day and asked me if it was worth over $ 125 to me to have it repaired . I told him that I paid over 900 dollars for it , and I didn 't want to have to replace it . He told me the $ 125 would probably cover the labor of taking it apart . He seemed to know what was wrong with it , and described the problem to me . Something loose down under the bobbin case that is not catching the needle 's thread properly seemed to be the problem . So , I went back to doing the hand stitching on the quilt on each square . I finished another square yesterday . That only leaves 23 of them to do yet . I had finished all but part of one side of the decorative stitching around the edge of the quilt . Well , Gramps is up today , and it is not quite 8 a . m . We went to bed last night around midnight , and he seems to be staying up longer during the day . That is good . He seems to have good days and some not so good . He stubbed a toe sometime during the night before last , and it was bleeding yesterday during the day . We put some peroxide on it and he put a bandage on it . I will check it out today and see how it is doing . He can 't afford to lose a toePosted by Hey , Y ' all , Another full moon last night shone in a night sky and millions of stars twinkled in accompaniment to its light . When daylight came , there was a huge frost that covered the ground like a baby snow . It was beautiful . I was up before daylight came , and barefooted it into the kitchen to begin my day . I caught up on my laundry this morning , I cleaned out the old leftovers and gathered together the trash , bagging it up in preparation for carting it off to the local dumpster / compactor . I also stopped at the post office to mail a small package for daughter , Carol 's , birthday on Saturday . I was finished with breakfast and also with emptying the dishwasher before 8 : 30 . I was feeling great today . I did the vacuuming yesterday morning , and we had three home health care visitors yesterday . One was to discharge Gramps from the occupational therapy , another was the physical therapist who evaluated him to see if he could benefit from another round of PT , and the last was the nurse who certified that he would be getting another 60 days of PT ( Physical Therapy ) . Whew ! We certainly had our share of visitors yesterday by 2 : 00 p . m . We also got to see our niece , Donna and Gramps ' sister , Bonnie Jean , who came to visit around 4 : 30 and stayed for about 45 minutes . I hope they will be able to stay longer the next time they visit . Donna is the major caregiver of Bonnie , since Bonnie is no longer able to live alone . Bonnie is very fortunate to have such good care . We all know that the life of a caregiver is not always smooth sailing , but is rewarding in its own way . UPDATE on Richard ( Pam 's husband ) It seems he is off the ventilator , and was able to call home and talk to his wife and their granddaughters , Hannah and Haley . They absolutely love their grandpa to pieces and I am sure were delighted to hear from him in person . Please continue to keep them in your prayers , because he isn 't out of the woods yet , but close to the border of them . We had a lovely visit from our good friends ( and adopted family ) Mark and Allie , this afternoon . Grammy Blogs are so much fun ! If you enjoy a blog entry , and would like to leave a comment , notice that at the bottom of each blog entry is are the words , " 0 comments " or " 2 comments " , reflecting how many comments people have made . Sometimes people comment on the entry , sometimes they even comment on each other 's comments ! Some polite rules for comments are no unkind words , say nice or humorous things or refrain from commenting , no profanity ( which I wouldn 't expect out of my friends , anyway ! ) , and don 't use other people 's last names , because some folks don 't like their names made public . To comment , just click on the " 0 comments " line , and it will take you to a place to comment . Write your comment in the space they provide . Then you have to " log in " . If you don 't have a google account , just click on the link to getting an account . It 's free . . . . will not cost you anything at all . After you write your comment and sign in , say , " Publish your comment " , and you 've blogged ! Enjoy ! |
Daddy took the family on a tour of the Salt Gulch ranch which I thought was some alarming . First he took us to the giant sinkhole on the north end of the ranch to the side of a field . Whole trees were sticking out of it and since it was quite close to a road that ran along side Dad warned Margie and me never to walk along this road as it might cave in on us and catapult us into the sinkhole . We were frightened enough by his warning to assure him that we would always take the long road around . I for one did not plan to get anywhere near that caved in hole . Mother who always asked a lot of questions when she didn 't know something said that Grandpa King told her when he homesteaded the ranch an underlying layer of gypsum caused the whole ranch to drop ten or twelve feet when he watered it ! I didn 't know if I believed such a tale . It must have been frightening to go out and find areas of your farm land had dropped ten feet over night . But other frightening sinkholes showed up as time went by causing me to believe the story . There was also a little hill that rose up in the middle of the ranch close to the house which I came to think of as Kid Hill . It was not good for anything but kids playing on it and we built lots of slate rock houses up there . We used slate rocks to write on in our play schools . Sometimes we would see big yellow blow snakes curled around in the trees with mother birds flying about frantically twittering , but once we learned they were not poisonous , we didn 't let them scare us , even though we felt awfully sorry for the little birds they ate . Daddy warned us to watch out for rattlesnakes especially when we were barefoot , as they were around , too . They just stayed out of sight more than the blow snakes . I was alarmed at the rattlesnake warning about Salt Gulch since Boulder had been settled so long the rattlesnakes stayed in the hills . The Salt Gulch ranch had not been inhabited enough to keep the rattlesnakes away . But I don 't think I ever saw a rattlesnake in Salt Gulch even though one got close enGerry Mother was pregnant with the first child she would be having in four and a half years . I had become aware that she had aborted her third child , conceived not too long after Margie was born because she just could not bear to have another child so close . She asked an aunt to send her a catheter to start labor . Since her dad was living close by now she thought he would be able to stop the bleeding if she got into trouble . I became alarmed about her state of mind when she said one day that she would not be able to go to heaven like the rest of us because she had sinned . I asked her why and she more or less told me what she had done to our little brother or sister . She did not go into many details then as to why she had done it , but I knew quite well she was constantly upset over my dad 's drinking and thought her family had no idea what it was to live with such a terrible alcoholic . Everybody was always trying to figure out why my dad carried his drinking to such extremes . I didn 't see how any wife could be expected to put up with how he drank , as fond as I was of him . He had even gone out and gotten drunk when she was giving birth to me in Salt Lake . It seemed that nothing was important enough to slow him down . She said that her sin had even caused her to lose twin boys in a miscarriage following the abortion because her uterus was unstable . I knew the towns ' people who learned about her abortion looked down on her for causing it , but I figured they did not know how extremely tried she had been . If they had not been there to comfort her and get involved in helping her with her troubles I did not think they should judge her too severely . Mother was still having a tough time in her unhappy marriage as well as believing she was damned to hell forever . I thought she was plenty sorry and to prove it she was having her third child without doing a thing to herself . But she had not even had LaRae yet when another tragedy hit the King family again due to the alcoholism that plagued the King sons and some of the older grandsons . Glen , Daddy 's oldest brother , who was running the Salt Gulch ranch had become a bad drinker . His wife Hazel lived in Escalante just as my Grandmother King did so her seven children could attend Escalante schools . They had already lost a little red headed son who died of pneumonia when I was four . I only remember seeing Ward twice before he died . I used to see Uncle Glen quite often when he would come to see his folks , staying for the noon meal at the main ranch house and arguing politics like all the King men did at the dinner table . Well , I knew he had a drinking problem , and I thought that his youngest son Ray was getting quite a sexual education in Escalante outside of church and school , which he would try to teach Margie and me as fast as he could when he visited . He taught me to masturbate on the fence when I just turned five and he was just showing us how mothers and dads did it on the floor of the granary when his mother came and grabbed him by the ear and told us that she would tell our mother and dad on us , too . I was very relieved when neither my mother or dad said anything , even though Ray got an awful ear pulling from his mother and he might have gotten a beating when his dad came home . He was two years older than I was , so I was not able to resist his teaching very well . I thought he needed disciplining all right , but I was not sure that an ear pulling and terrible scolding from his mother and a beating from his dad could slow him down , Ray was so wild . Now it seemed that his dad was in even worse trouble than Ray had been . A local girl from Salt Gulch who also went to high school in Escalante since there was no high school provided for the children of Boulder caught rides home to see her folks however she could . Uncle Glen drove the mail from Escalante to Boulder the day she asked him for a ride to Salt Gulch from Escalante which is what I woke up at the cheese factory house one morning to hear that Uncle Glen and Aunt Hazel had spent the night at our house and had gotten into a bad fight . He had been drinking heavily and the upshot of that was that he chased her down the lane trying to choke her to death . His life as a family man was in great jeopardy , it was plain to see . The family packed up and left the country with the four younger children , including Ray . Roma was dropped off to my Aunt Neta 's where she lived the next four years . Aunt Neta , being my dad 's older sister , was a lot better behaved than he was , since she was religious and did not drink . Park and Stuart , the two oldest sons , were left behind to Grandpa 's . It would be decided later on if they would join the family after they had gotten settled and Glen had found work . I believe Uncle Glen did find a job for a while , but the drinking and the quarreling continued . Eventually Uncle Glen and Aunt Hazel separated for good . I wondered if such a fate was in store for our family as the quarreling over Daddy 's drinking continued the same , not quite so violent , since Daddy was a little less hot tempered I think than his brother Glen , but Daddy was still mean when Mother came at him in a rage . He wasn 't going to be bested by a woman no matter how tough she thought she was . But guess who was going to buy the Salt Gulch ranch , not just lease it as Uncle Glen had done ? My father ! He was once again being prodded by my determined mother who recognized opportunity when she saw it . He talked to his dad and struck a bargain to buy the ranch for $ 4 , 000 ! His dad probably had little faith in another hard drinking son but I am sure he had more confidence in his determined daughter - in - law , Irene . She had soon perceived that Daddy thought cheese making was beneath a cowboy like him , and it was very hard for her to climb up the ladder to let the steam out of the boiler when she was pregnant with LaRae , let alone with a baby crying for her after she was born , so she looked around for a way that Daddy could make a better living for us , and she could be a stay - at - home hardworking country wife and mother again . The one thing my dad could do while still drinking was punch cows and farm . He had been doing that ever since his dad despaired of him ever finishing his university course to become a lawyer . I could not see my dad ever becoming a lawyer either . He was just too country . He could not even drive into the city without getting picked up for running red lights . Rules were made to be broken was my wild cowboy dad 's very philosophy of life . Grandpa was probably rebellious , too , even if he had taken an incredible vow not to drink and smoke , which was why he had probably gone off in the wilds to homestead Salt Gulch ranch . And later he took the chance to add to his holdings by buying his Boulder ranch , which was a jewel anyway you looked at it with its beautiful emerald green pastures . Off in such isolated ranching country he could do as he pleased with no qGerry Margie and I had another fall from a horse with a relative on board , only this time it was our little Uncle Bill , two years younger than I , and one year younger than Margie . Grandma and Grandpa Wilson and little Uncle Bill had moved to Boulder , they thought for good . Grandpa bought a small ranch property , but they said they might have to leave in the winter to work so they could be sure to pay the mortgage until Grandpa could make enough money staying around Boulder . Grandpa Wilson had a lot of skills including delivering babies so it wasn 't long until ' Doc ' Wilson was in demand among poor Boulder ladies who could not afford to go over the mountain to a hospital to give birth . Grandpa had also been to chiropractor 's school , but country folks weren 't as apt to need their backs adjusted as city folks , so chiropractry wasn 't going to buy many necessities . Grandpa had set up a sawmill years before close to the mountain and spent a few summers camped out up there sawing lumber , so he thought he could saw lumber again with his sons helping him . I was very impressed that Grandpa had even taken his family on the road one summer years before sharpening knives and putting on shows to earn money for his family 's supper . They did not need lodgings as they camped out at night . In case they made no money that day , Grandma made Lumpy Dick , which was a pioneer dish made from flour and milk stirred into lumps , brought to a boil , and eaten with sugar and cream ( if they had any ) . Daddy thought it was the worst food he ever ate , but we kids liked eating Mother 's poor folks dishes . We made Lumpy Dick when Daddy was camped out on his winter ranges or gone to party . I did think it was no wonder Mother married Daddy , no matter his reputation , as the Kings were known to have the fullest cellars in town and never had to eat Lumpy Dick to stay alive . If all else failed Grandpa Wilson could still teach school , which he decided to do the first year , only no school teacher 's job opened up in Boulder so he took one in Escalante . It was still sGerry Margie had not even been walking very long when Mother decided she was old enough to spank . I didn 't see how she could have intentionally done anything bad enough to deserve a hard whipping on her backside . Well , the first time Mother spanked her hard , Margie opened her mouth to scream and fell down and turned blue for the longest time before she ever let out a yell . I was so alarmed I said something to Mother about it when I dared . Mother assured me that kids sometimes held their breaths when they were spanked , that it was just Margie 's temper that caused her to hold hers until she turned blue . I still didn 't quite believe her and have a few flash memories of Margie doing this every time Mother spanked her . I became convinced Mother might kill her if she didn 't stop spanking her . I have never seen a child since do what Margie did , but it was discovered when she was in her seventies when she had a heart attack that she had a hole in her heart wall that had probably been there since birth . Uncle Reed had a daughter named Carol who had been born with a very large hole in the wall of her heart , and her lips were always tinged with blue . No one was ever allowed to upset her as the doctors were not able to fix her heart at the time . They said she would not survive any attempts to do so and would probably die when she got her first childhood disease , which she did when she got chicken pox and died when she was nine . Margie also developed severe asthma which manifested in frightening croup attacks when she was small . All I can think of is that one or the other caused her to fall down and turn blue when she was spanked . Margie did have a temper , too , so if tempers can cause spanked children to hold their breaths as Mother said , possibly that could have been the cause . But one day Mother got angry and whipped Margie when Aunt Nethella , Daddy 's sister , who was visiting during the summer , was present . Margie opened her mouth wide as usual , fell down and did not draw a breath while she slowly turned blue . Aunt Nethella apparI don 't recall Aunt Nethella saying a word to Mother about spanking her . Everybody knew they better not rebuke Mother about how she disciplined her kids . She had told them too many times her children would not be spoiled as her husband was by his mother not giving him enough whippings . I found out later that Grandpa Wilson , her own father , had never spared the rod and spoiled the child either , especially Mother who said he whipped her with a belt when she was up in her teens ! Grandpa Wilson told me later in life that he still hated his own father who died when he was eighteen . He had up to then given him many savage beatings . Mother , however , told Grandpa King who would sometimes lay into his grown sons with a bullwhip when they were cutting cattle and failed to understand his orders , that he was never to whip his son Clyde again with a bullwhip or she would leave the whole bunch of them . So Daddy got his last whipping with a bull whip when he was over thirty years old ! Such were the old fashioned ways of disciplining children . The saga of Mother 's whippings continued on when we moved to the Salt Gulch ranch when I was five and Margie was four . I don 't recall any of the whippings there , Margie 's or mine , all I remember is that every single day I had to tell Daddy yes , we got a whipping , because he would ask me every day when he came into the house after his day in the fields . I hated to tell him yes he would act so sad because he knew as well as I did that Mother might whip us even harder if he said anything . So that is how I know she was still whipping us in Salt Gulch . Because of the whippings , as I said I did not like her for years . Oddly , however , when I heard Aunt Nethella was talking about trying to take us away from our parents because of my mother 's whippings and my dad 's drinking , I did not agree with her . I thought Aunt Nethella and the rest of them should have visited them more and been their friends instead . Mother was almost pathetically eager to be friends with anybody . She was willing to talk to anybody who came in her store for hours , even Alvey Leavitt ! Daddy was more reserved , but he responded to us children so well , I was convinced that persistence would pay off in talking to him , too , if the adults were willing to try . As it was now , his only friends were his children and his drinking buddies which included some of the worst old drunks I have ever seen . Later in Salt Gulch I was to come to the conclusion that there was reason enough for our mother to be painfully frustrated with our father . But I do not want to go into that just yet . I will put it off as long as possible . I will continue to write about my relatively happy little world in Boulder where nothing of really major proportions threatened my physical safety except an occasional fall from a horse . I was not deterred by falls . I still rode horses as often as possible . Our Grandfather even gave Margie and me a little saddle we were to share . We were still too young to be taken at the same time with our dad . He had us take turns riding with him on his horse until we received our little saddle . Grandpa King also gave us our very own horse . Old Strippy had been a faithful cow horse to him for a long time . Grandpa said his age would make him a perfect kid horse . But we only had him about three weeks when I came to get him and the hired men said Grandpa had ordered them to put Strippy to sleep ! I didn 't dare ask our rather gruff Grandfather why he had done such a thing after just giving him to us ! I thought it was very cruel of him . The hired men got a kick out of me refusing to eat my pet lamb Black Wooley when he was butchered to provide mutton for the family table . I had raised him and loved him , but my dad said it was foolish of me to think we could keep a sheep for a pet like it was a dog . He said there was no animal dumber than a sheep . He insisted that the reason he had let us pick Black Wooley out of the dogey lambs when the sheep herds came through on the way to the mountain for the summer was so we could fatten him up and eat him ! I am sure he did not mention that to me ! These lambs had lost their mothers and it was feared they might not make it to the mountain sheep range , so they were given to the towns people every year . No matter what Daddy said I still would not eat one bite of Black Wooley . When I got Black Wooley we were living to the cheese factory house . Our mother had decided she had to find a way to make money since Daddy drank up nearly all he made working for Grandpa and gave her such a little allowance to live on , we could hardly afford anything to brighten our lives . Mother got to talking to the man who ran the little cheese factory up the lane who also had a store in one of the rooms in the front of the house . He said that his wife did not like Boulder and they were eager to sell the cheese factory and move back to Escalante where they had come from . Mother finally convinced Daddy and Grandpa they should lease the cheese factory house , and she started sending away for books on how to make cheese . She also took to visiting cheese factories out over the mountain , although she did get very aggravated because they did not let her go on the visit to purchase the cheese factory property when she was the one who had to run it . Pretty soon , almost before you could wink an eye , Mother had us moved into the cheese factory house . Mother was always that way . She no more than came up with a new plan than she would not let anybody rest until she could put it into action . Daddy would never have done anything she complained if she didn 't light a fire under him . She had done this to get her homestead house built but she found out she did not like living way out in the fields away from everybody . She thought she would enjoy living on the main highway through Boulder and talking with all the people she saw the sociable Munsons visiting in their store . She just could not wait ! What I remember the most about the cheese factory house were all the hours Margie and I were expected to look after ourselves in the main part of the house while Mother was either making cheese or waiting on the store . I remember Margie and me playing all the time by ourselves waiting for somebody , anybody , to come home . I found out it made Mother very happy for me to fix lunch for everybody . In order to see her and whoever was making cheese I would do anything to get them in there for a little while , even cook macaroni ! When we had to spend so many hours alone together Margie and I took to quarreling . I was far too close to her in age to be a very good boss , even though I was put in charge of her . She hardly even minded Posted by Daughters of the Shadow Men Memoir : Chapter 1 : My earliest memory of high spirited Navahoes riding their horses through the pond by our homestead house I made up my mind when I wrote my memoirs I was going to do it in such a way as not to depress myself for our family history can get me down in the dumps fast if I don 't watch out . It was that kind of family . Before I ever entered the world , my father had become an alcoholic , but an alcoholic usually isn 't regarded as such an abusive figure unless he has a wife and family to torture . My mother proved to be a woman who took greater offense to drinking than most women . Nobody drank in my mother 's family . Oh , her father 's youngest brother who rebelled against religion became an alcoholic but he never had any children , and his wife continued to adore him no matter what he did . So my theory is that I had probably heard many quarrels about drinking before I was even a few months old . I seemed , even to me , to become a world weary young tot who far surpassed my Grandmother King in my knowledge of her son 's lies about his drinking . She wanted to believe him when my father told her he had not been drinking even when he was staggering . I would know just about how much he had drunk . And what we all could expect once we got back home - - hours of my mother fighting with him before his buzz would wear off enough for him to sleep . I am trying to say that I was probably thinking about the problem of my dad 's drinking while I was still in my cradle . My first actual memory is an odd one . I have a very vivid memory of myself seated in my little homemade highchair looking out the window of our homestead house . I couldn 't have been two because we only lived in that house a year , and my high chair was so small I didn 't sit in it after I was very old . What I was seeing out the window that interested me so much were six or seven Navaho men on horses galloping through my grandfather 's large pond . They were whooping with joy . I had never seen such happy cowboys . I was thinking what a differenI have several other brief memories of those early years of riding on huge horses with my father . Sometimes I would be on a horse by myself praying whenever the horse approached a ditch or some bars that it wouldn 't take a notion to jump over them . If the horse jumped I might be jolted and lose my grip on the saddle horn . I 'd fall a long ways to the ground I would think , so horses jumping over bars must be avoided if at all possible . If I thought our horses might be frisky enough to jump over bars I would ask my dad to please take more bars down so my horse would be sure not to jump over them . My dad would frown when I showed signs of fear , and seemed to remember that I was just a girl after all . But if my horse was a gentle old mare I would think it would be too tired to jump . It would just likely step over the bars . So I would try not to say anything . Some of these rides on horses must have been both before and after I did fall from a runaway horse when I was three years old . I used to clamor to ride horses even at the same time I feared them . My father had come home that day from riding for cattle ' down below ' and my mother and he were walking down the lane toward my Grandfather 's ranch . Mother had been up the lane visiting and was carrying Marion , Uncle Reed 's daughter , who was only one year old . Margie , who was two , and I were walking along side her and my dad . At once I began to beg to ride Daddy 's saddle horse . This must have been quite a common thing for me to do . My dad finally gave in and lifted me up into the saddle and put Margie on back of me . Lastly , he placed Marion in front of me . He still retained the reins . We were riding a gray gelding named Dumbell that he had not owned very long . He was always trading for a horse . No amount of scolding that he could not afford another horse ever stopped him from making these horse trades when he was partying . Daddy was already saying that Dumbell was not smart enough to be a good cow pony so he would keep him a while to see if he could turn him into a kid horse . I suppose one reason he let us ride him was to try him out . Dumbell failed the kid horse test almost at once . He suddenly jerked the reins out of my dad 's hands and took off running ! Daddy managed to snatch our cousin Marion off . Margie fell to the hard ground a little ways further and was lucky not to have been hurt badly . I am sure she got an awful jolt that might have injured her more than anybody knew . I grabbed the saddle horn and clutched it with all my might thinking I must not fall on that hard ground in the lane once Dumbell picked up full running speed . Instead of stopping to the corrals , however , he turned and started running up a sandy hill toward the fields . I started picturing what he might do to the top of the hill where there was rocks sticking up out of the ground . If I happened to fall on a rock I reasoned I could be hurt very badlyI think I was establishing myself as a brainy child even then which proved to be quite dangerous given my mother 's penchant for jealousy and belief in corporal punishment . But the King men greatly admired brains and cool thinking in an emergency , especially in one related to them by blood , so their esteem must have been what I was going for . I also must have figured I needed to be very smart to survive in the dangerous world in which I found myself . The horse world . The cowboy world . It would have been along about that time that Uncle Max , my dad 's youngest brother , got killed from being thrown from a bucking horse . I can remember Uncle Max coming into the ranch house where we were living at the time . Somebody said he and Uncle Reed had just come in with the pack mules carrying the mail . Max came in the house and said hello to me . He may have played with me a little . That is my only memory of him before he had his fatal ride on the bucking horse . Mother said he always made a fuss over Margie and me because he liked kids . The King sons had been raised on horses people said later so it would have been very unlike Max to have gotten hurt if he had not been drinking . I can just imagine how drunk he must have been judging from the way my dad drank . Daddy would soon be staggering he drank beer or even whiskey so fast once he started . I imagine all the Kings drank fast which is why drinking affected them worse than it did men who drank slower . All the cowboys went over and over the story of how Max came to be thrown . They said he did not try to catch himself . He just fell , a dead weight , and hit his head on a stone on the rodeo grounds that had not been cleared of all hazardous rocks . Riders were expected to look down and dodge the rocks when they were thrown from bucking horses . I remember Daddy saying he had a feeling when he saw them pick his unconscious brother up off the ground and carry him off the rodeo grounds that he would not ever come to and he didn 't . He said he was not strong enough to survive such a blow . I wondered for years what he meant . He seemed to think he was physically stronger than both Max and and his older brother Reed . Well , everyone knew Reed was not strong . He had nearly died twice when he was a child of pneumonia and meningitis . But I guess for some reason , maybe because he was the baby and considered spoiled , Daddy did not think Max would be able to survive this hard blow to his head that rendered him unconscious . Reed didn 't go to the rodeo . Reed I knew had suffered a nervous breakdown . He would drink no matter how bad alcohol was for his delicate mind . He kept having to be hospitalized when some bad crisis occurred . Not too many years before he and his best friend drank poison moonshine . They both got very sick , and Rodney died . After Rodney died Reed started talking to the spirits . He usually said he was talking to Rodney . When Max was hurt in the rodeo , they hadn 't wanted Reed to go to Escalante for fear he would drink . He was talking to the spirits again and they were hoping to prevent another stay in the state mental . On the third day after Max was hurt , Mother volunteered to watch Reed so Daddy could go back to town alone because they received word that Max was probably going to live only a few more hours . Daddy left to say his last good - bye to his youngest brother . Late that afternoon Mother said Reed came to her crying saying that Rodney had come and told him Max had just died . Max was in the spirit world now . MotThe adults were always shouting at him for saying he was talking to the spirits . They cursed him because he would not do any work . So they would tell him to forget about the spirits . They accused him of trying to get out of work ! He wasn 't as strong as most men , so he might have gotten more exhausted from the hard work they had to do in those days than his brothers did . Maybe he half way did find out that if he acted crazy enough , they would leave him alone and do all the work themselves . I always wished that the adults had been kinder and more curious like I was , so they could have found out more about the spirit world Reed seemed able to access at will . But if they had been kinder he probably would not have preferred the spirit world . Still the fact that his mind was swinging between heaven and earth was unsettling . I did appreciate Mother letting Reed tell her about Rodney bringing her the news Max had died . She said they hadn 't told Reed Max had been hurt for fear of sending him completely mad with grief , so they would have to take him back to the mental hospital in the middle of all their own upset . Reed and Max were the best of friends at the time of Max 's death . They had the mail contract together and this was one of the few jobs that Reed had been successful in keeping since he had become mentally ill , probably because Max was kind to him . Daddy loved to party with him because he was so witty , but they tried to keep Daddy and Reed apart when they were drinking . Daddy was thought to be a very bad influence . But I really didn 't know how Reed could have been so witty and completely mad . I loved to hear Reed 's jokes , like he once he joked that he knew how to handle Clyde . Apparently people found my dad hard to get along with . Reed said he just let Clyde take him down to the river and whip him and after that he got along with him just fine . That is a wonderful example of Uncle Reed 's wit . When Max died was the first I became really aware of Uncle Reed . Up to then I don 't remember seeing him or knowing a lot abNow my Grandmother King whispered all the time but I was not sure she was talking to spirits or just thinking very hard . I tried to get close to her to hear what she was saying when she was whispering but I did not succeed in hearing anything except a name or two . If I had to guess I would say she was thinking out loud rather than talking to the spirits . She just did not seem to have been as nervy as her wild crazy son Reed . If spirits had tried to talk to her I think she would have refused to listen to them , but her sons , especially , had caused her to worry a great deal most of their lives . Hence her constant whispering which sometimes could get so intense it sounded like hissing . After Max got killed , I know she was worried sick about her other drinking sons . She even came up with a scheme I thought was kind of preposterous but if it gave her any relief everybody was in favor of it . She came to my mother and told her she wanted her to drive my dad on his drinking parties , even though , mind you , my mother hated his drinking . Grandmother said she could not bear to lose another son . Mother agreed I am sure because Daddy went along with the idea . Daddy was notorious for giving Mother the slip once he got into town and anywhere near a drinking buddy . Women weren 't welcome in the pool hall , so he could always say he was going there to get rid of Mother . I don 't know what Mother did once they got to Escalante , she never said , but knowing her , she would have found someone to talk to . She wasn 't above flirting with Daddy 's buddies either . She got so she could tolerate them quite well . Just as long as she was not married to them she could laugh and joke with guys when they were drunk as they could be . Every weekend the partying parents would drop Margie and me off to Grandma 's and off they would go . Daddy would drive before drinking but would surrender the wheel to Mother once he had got hold of a bottle of alcohol . Grandma would even give us our weekly baths while she had us , as our parents always went partying on Saturday . Grandma always liked to make sure we did not have an excuse to stay away from Sunday School . I recall a neighbor , Alvey Leavitt , visiting around about the time we took a bath once he knew what was going on . I got very indignant as I thought he hoped to catch sight of us little girls naked . It made me mad that a grown man could be so nasty , but I did not put it past Alvey Leavitt the way he leered and peeked around Grandma who would try to direct us when we were naked away from him . She would tell Alvey to sit down and wait in the kitchen until we were through , but he would peek . I saw him ! I am sure he came for some of Grandma 's sugar cookies or apple pie , too , as he was ' batching ' it with another old man in a ranch house across the way named Alf Wadcott . This other old man would visit Grandma too , but not to try to see two little girls bathing . I remember I thought Grandma was kind of his girlfriend for he was quite a handsome old guy and probably always had girlfriends . He would call Grandma to come and help boost him back on his horse . Once Grandma boosted him up so far and fast he almost fell off the other side . I thought that was so funny . Grandma did seem to get some comfort from believing she was saving her son Clyde from getting killed from driving drunk , All that happened was that Mother got pregnant with LaRae and that put an end to her going to drive Daddy home after he had been drinking . When Mother got big enough so she was not comfortable she stayed home while Daddy continued his partying ways with no let up that I remember . In the meantime I still have vivid memories of staying with Grandma who was very kind to us . She never saw any need to spank us once . So I was naturally Posted by |
I can remember it like it was yesterday . I was just 17 . Back then I made money by doing lawns , and some babysitting for family friends and some times I would house sit for other people . As it was a small town , people quickly learned that I was very reliable . It was in the middle of July and that summer was very hot . I think it was a Sunday , I really don 't recall . Late that evening my mom got a phone call from a friend . Her friend 's mother had gotten sick and was in the hospital in a city about 4 hours away . She and her husband had to go see her , their daughter Wendy did not want to go with them . I think most of her friends were on vacation , so she had no one to stay with . I had meet Wendy a year or two before at some town picnic . I did not remember much of what she looked like . I recall she seemed a bit spoiled . She had an older brother Rob who had graduated high school a year before , joined the Army , went to Vietnam and was killed his second day there . He was only 18 . Anyway it was not quite dark , so it must have been a bit after 9pm . I really did not want to do it , but mom insisted as she said . " Every one knows you 're reliable and good with kids . They would prefer that she wasn 't alone . Especially with this storm coming . " Mom drove me over to their house which was about 5 miles away in the next town . I could see the storm clouds and lightning moving our way in the distance . You could tell that it was going to rain , by the smell . At the house Wendy 's dad met us at the door . Said hi to my mom , glanced at me smiled a little , and grunted hello , looked at my mom and said . " Thank you . Sue 's mother is really bad and may not make it . " Sue came in and hugged my mom , looked at me and smiled . " Hi , Brian , gosh you have grown since last I saw you . Thanks for helping . My moms not doing very well . Wendy 's was a bit upset and is asleep in her room upstairs . I told her not to worry that you would be here . There is pop in the fridge , and snacks on the kitchen counter . I also made up the guest room . " She grabbed my hand and took me down the hall to show me the room . " This used to be Rob 's room we use it as a guest room now . " She said quietly . Mom hugged Sue and then came over and hugged me as she said . " Call if you need any help . " She walked out the door with Sue . Wendy 's dad turned to me , stuck out his hand and said thanks . Walked to the door , paused and looked towards my mom and Sue . He then turned around and started walking toward me . He had a slight frown and started reaching behind him . I recall backing up a bit and my eyes getting wide . " Young man , I expect you to be a gentleman . Upstairs is OFF LIMITS understood ? " he growled that last part . " uhh yes sir " I stammered . " Here " he said . I flinched as he brought his other arm from behind him . He had his wallet . Opened it up and handed me a crisp $ 20 bill . " There is another one for you when we get back . Providing I don 't hear about any trouble . Understand ? " again he growled the last part . I just nodded my head and looked at the money and grinned . I only charged 5 dollars a day for house watching , now I was very glad I came . " OK , I see you do . Be sure to lock up after us . " He said going out the door . I felt a sigh of relief as he left . When I think back on it the guy had scared me . I had never been in their house before , so I did my usual run through the house to check windows and doors . I always did this when I house sat or was watching kids . In those days most people didn 't worry much about locking the house up or even having some one house sit . This house was quite big and the family must have had lots of money . There were lots of nice things . I could see why they wanted it to be locked up . The house was a bit warm inside . In the kitchen there was a window open and air was coming in . It was cooling down outside and the air felt very fresh . I could smell the approaching storm , and hear distant thunder . At times the sky would light up faintly . I closed and locked the window . I checked out the snacks and just grabbed a pop . Back in the family room I went over to the TV and turned it on . It came on with the sound blasting . It took a few moments to find the volume and turn it down . I noticed that they had cable . Back in those days ' only people with money could afford cable . There was also a remote control . Cool , I had house sit for someone once before who had one for their TV . That one had wires , this one did not . I pushed a button , the channel changed . This is great I thought as I sat down and started flipping channels . I found a movie I hadn 't seen in a long time and started watching it . I must have dozed off , but it only seemed like a few minutes . " CRACK " The sound of the thunder woke me up and I sat upright , trying to remember where I was at . The TV had snow on it and was making a load rushing noise . I took the remote and turned it off . I turned out the lights and started to head down the hall past the stairs . " Hi Brian " I heard this small voice say . I jumped and looked around . I saw no one . I looked up and there was this girl standing halfway down the stairs . She laughed , " I didn 't mean to scare you , silly . The thunder woke me up and I heard the TV buzzing , so I was going to shut it off . My room is really hot , is the kitchen window closed ? My dad keeps it open so the hot air can move out upstairs . " I just kind of looked at her not reacting . This was not the Wendy I remembered from almost two years ago . She looked a lot older than 13 . She looked like some of the girls my age . She had on thin cotton pajama 's that looked a bit small for her . They seemed to cling to here in the best parts . With the upstairs hall light I could see the outline of her body beneath her jams . It looked great . Her breasts were very developed but were not oversize for her . As she walked down the stairs and came toward me , I could see she was just a bit shorter than I was , and I was tall for my age . The top of her head was just past my chin . And she had very dark black hair almost down to the middle of her back . I must have looked like an idiot as I stared at her . She walked right up to me , stuck out her hand and said " Nice to see you to . " as she grinned . I just kind of stared at her bright green eyes and stammered … " uhhh yeah same here , sorry about your gramma . . " as I shook her hand . It was so soft and warm . Not cold and clammy like some hands on other girls . I could smell soap and some other smell that seemed like perfume but then I realized it was her natural sweat odor , most likely from being in her hot room . I did not think sweat could smell so good . I slowly inhaled it and could feel myself getting flushed , I don 't know if it was the smell or her looks but it was starting to get very hot in the room . " Thanks , " she said quietly . " I wanted to see her , but I hate hospitals , I never saw her much anyway . " She walked past me toward the kitchen , I turned to follow her . I could see the outline of her perfect butt from the light over the stove . I almost ran into the door jamb as I stared at it . " Ahh … You did close it didn 't you ! " she stated as she unlocked the window and pushed it all the way up . As the air rushed in I could feel the coolness rush past me as I stood in the doorway . It helped wake me up a bit more . I think I was still drowsy from sleep or still in shock from seeing Wendy . I remembered a skinnyShe stood in front of the window and let the air move past her , she reached up and undid the top two buttons of her pj 's and opened it up a bit to let the air flow past her chest . She stood there for a moment as the air made her top bellow out and her hair flow back . She looked really good to me . I shook my head to clear it and thought to myself , Get a grip , she is only 13 . I remembered the look her dad had given me . No wonder he was scary . He knew how his daughter looked to boys . She turned and sighed and walked toward me . I just kind of stood there and stared at her . I felt very warm and self conscious . " You know your blocking the door . " She said to me smiling . " Uhh sorry … . " I stammered as I stepped aside . She turned her head and smiled as she walked past me . As she went by , a burst of wind from the window caused her top to blow out . I looked down and saw almost all of her left naked breast except for the nipple . Once again I got a big whiff of her smell and could feel myself growing weak . I could now feel my penis moving a bit . This is going to be a long night I thought . I shook my head again to clear out the vision of her white firm breast as well as that smell . Looking toward the open window , I stepped back into the doorway . I turned back and said to her . " Do you always keep this window open ? Aren 't you worried someone will come in and steal all your stuff ? She was headed for the stairs when she turned around again , looking at me . She smiled and once again walked towards me . " You know your blocking the door . . . . . again ? " she stated . I felt like such a klutz as I stepped back into the kitchen and almost tripped on the rug . As she walked past me she turned and smiled . He bright green / blue eyes sparkled . I felt like she was parading in front of me . I slowly walked towards her and looked at the window . That instant a distant flash of lighting showed that the window had bars going across and down outside it . I didn 't recall seeing those when I had shut it before . No wonder she wasn 't worried . Suddenly the window lit up again and almost at the same instant a gigantic crack and boom shook the whole house . She squealed and jumped towards me , almost falling . Without thinking I reached out and started to grab her shoulder to help steady her . At that moment she caught herself and turned towards me , and my hand landed square in the middle of her left boob . I jerked my hand back and stammered . . . " Uhh sorry , I thought you were falling . " I could feel myself turning red and in the low light I knew she could see it . She laughed and said " Ohh . . Don 't be so embarrassed , honest mistake . I am sure that isn 't the first tit you ever had the pleasure to feel up . " She turned and walked towards the door . I just stood there dumb founded with my mouth open . I had never heard a girl talk that way before . Boys yes , but not a girl . I had heard some of the older girls at school cuss a bit with shit and damn , but not quite like this . Realizing I hadn 't said anything she turned and looked at me with a bit of a puzzled look on her face . We just looked at each other for a moment . I realized that my mouth was still open and my face was still red . " Ohhh my gosh … " she giggled " You haven 't have you . I bet your still a virgin aren 't you ? " She was grinning so big , that I could see almost all of her beautiful white teeth . The look on my face told it all . She stopped grinning when she noticed that I wasn 't laughing . She got a bit serious and said . " Look Brian , I am sorry ; I really didn 't mean to embarrass you so much . You 're a good looking guy and I just figured you had girl friends and all that stuff . " " Uhhh sure but we never really did anything , we are more friends than the boyfriend / girlfriend . " As I blurted it out I could feel my embarrassment going away a bit . " Well , my brother Rob and his friends used to talk and stuff . " She said . She sounded a bit sad for a moment . She brightened up and looked at me with a secretive look . " I used to listen to them when they didn 't know I was around . They would talk about girls and stuff . Like who was hot , who they would like to fuck , that sort of stuff . " She smiled at the word fuck . I guess I had an odd look on my face . " Not really , , I guess I never heard it coming from a girl before , especially not one as young as you . " I replied smiling . " Seems odd to hear it from someone who was a kid last time I saw them . " She laughed . " I will be 14 next week , silly . I am practically already grown up . Here look at my tits . " As she put her hands under her boobs and lifted them up . Her top stretched a bit more and I could see the outlines of her nipples as the stuck out . They were erect , but at the time I did not know they could get hard . " They look pretty good … . don 't they ? ? " as she looked down and then looked at me with a bit of hesitation and concern on her face . " You do like to see tits …… don 't you ? " " Uhhh yes I guess so , , , , , uhhh they look ok . " I stammered . I was turning red again and I could once again feel my penis moving a bit . This was going to get a bit more embarrassing if we didn 't change the subject . " OK ? What do you mean OK ? She stated " Most girls my age don 't have these " as she hefted her tits once again . " Sorry … " as she dropped her hands and laughed . I was once again turning red . Just then another flash and crackle hit the house . She laughed and squealed again . " I just love the sound of thunder . Let 's go upstairs ; you can really see the lighting out my bedroom window . I think this is going to be a good one . " " Uhhh … I don 't think so . Your dad said upstairs was off limits . I get the feeling that he would kill me . " my voice cracked as I said it . I felt very odd at that moment . She seemed so care free but I kept seeing the same vision of her dad looking at me . . " Understand ? " I heard him say in my head . " Oh don 't worry about daddy ; he 's a big teddy bear . " She said " Besides they are 2 hours away by now . It 's perfectly OK , I am not going to tell him . Ohhh . . we need to get something to drink to take with us . " I headed towards the fridge , and started to grab two Cokes . " No , silly not Coke get the orange juice . See that Tupperware container there . . " she said and pointed . I did , it was almost full . I took it out . She walked towards a cupboard and took out two small juice glasses . I really wanted a Coke but didn 't argue . At this point I was not sure what I cared about . I felt a bit confused but went along anyway . She set the glasses down , reached into another cupboard and pulled out a measuring cup . It was big and held 4 cups . She took the orange juice and poured the juice in until it was full . Some was left in the container which she then poured into the sink . I was a even more confused now and was looking at her a bit funny as I watched . She looked at me and smiled and laughed . " You 'll see . " She said as she poured the juice from the measuring cup back into the container . She snapped the lid closed and headed out of the kitchen into the dining room . " Grab the glasses . " She said over her shoulder . Walking toward a tall cabinet with stained glass doors , she reached up and felt around on top of the cabinet for a moment . " Ahh here it is . " She exclaimed as she pulled down a key . Turned and smiled at me . I was still confused and it must have showed as she laughed and knelt down to one of the bottom doors that didn 't have any glass in it , she put the key in and turned . As it opened and I was able to see in , her odd actions all became clear . It was the booze cupboard . I had never seen that many bottles in a house before . It looked like the window of the local liquor store . I recognized several rums , scotches and other whiskeys that my parents had once in a while , usually around the holidays . " Uhhh , where going to get in so much trouble . I don 't think so … . " I said as I backed up a bit . I was getting uncomfortable and not liking where this was going . I wasn 't much of a drinker at the time . My friends and I would party a bit and drink some beer , but I never really got all that drunk or wasted on it . At least not back then . She pushed some of the bottles aside and grabbed an almost full bottle of vodka . " Fat chance , my parents drink so much they never miss it most of the time . Rob taught me how to go easy . He used to do it all the time when he was here . " She said her voice getting lower . I could tell she was a bit sad again . She sat the orange juice down opened the lid and the vodka . Reaching underneath another shelf she brought out a small shot glass . " Here 's the trick … " she said . " Take 4 cups of juice and add 8 shots of vodka . That 's 4 shots for me and 4 shots for you . With our body weight , any more and we would be too drunk and things just wouldn 't be as much fun . You want to go watch the fireworks and have fun don 't you ? " she turned and looked at me and smiled . I nodded slowly as she carefully measured out 8 shots and poured it into the juice . Handing me the bottle and shot glass , she said " Now take this back to the kitchen and pour in four shots of water . This is the first time for this bottle so it won 't water it down to much and my parent 's won 't notice . They usually only bring the vodka out for parties . This is almost once or twice every week , and never track how much gets used up . Rob taught me that … . . as well as lots of other things . " She again turned and smiled at me . This was definitely turning into one of my better jobs I thought as I went and did what she said . As I came back with the bottle she took it out of my hand , returned it to the cabinet and locked the door and put the key back . Turning to me she smiled again saying . " Now let 's go watch some fire works . " I got the glasses and followed her , as we approached the stairs and started up them . Her butt was in line with my head , I could see the light shining through her pj 's again and the form of her legs where they meet her bottom . The small upside down u shape between her legs was outlined . Once again I was aware of my penis stirring . I tried to remain calm . I was sure she was just having fun . And kept reminding myself she was only 13 , well almost 14 . A week away did she say . I couldn 't remember . As she got to the top of the stairs she stopped and turned around . Still mesmerized by her butt I stopped to and just stared forward . I was no longer looking straight at her butt anymore I was looking right straight at where he pj 's covered her pussy . Now I must stop my story and explain something . You may have noticed I say penis , instead of dick , or cock or prick . I never really liked those words ; to me they were always a word that you heard adults use to describe people that were bad or they didn 't like . I was never comfortable saying them with regards to my penis . I also thought wieners was so child like , you know for kids . Now cunt or snatch was the same to me as dick and prick . A word to describe someone you thought was one . Vagina sounded so cold to me , like you were still in health class . But pussy … . now that word was what most of us guys used when talking about girls . " Bet her pussy is tight . " Or " I would like to see that pussy . " those kind of things you heard all the time when a bunch of guys were around . To me pussy describes something soft and warm . Some thing snuggly to touch and pet . Anyway , I found myself again in an embarrassing moment . Staring straight at her pussy , or at least where it was behind her pj 's . She didn 't seem to notice me staring . " Do you like looking at my butt ? " she laughed as she said it . " I could tell you were . Most guys do you know . Girls can always tell . " " Uhhh I was just ahh a just … . Well … . . sort off , I ahh mean uuhhh couldn 't help notice . It was right there ! " I choked as I said it , and looked up at her . She just smiled back at me . " Oh … I almost forgot , wait here . Let me have the glasses . " She said taking them and walking down the hall . I could see several doors on the left and the right but they were all closed , at the end she opened one and went inside . " I 'll be right out , I want to clean up my room a bit . " I heard her say as more thunder cracked over head . It had been going on all the time and was not showing any signs of slowing down . I really don 't think I was noticing it to much anyway . I could hear here running around and a door closing once or twice . She came back and started towards me down the hall , just before she reached me she stopped and turned toward a door . She looked at it for a moment . Opened it up and went in . I could here a door open , then close . She came back out of the room with something on a hanger , and turned and smiled at me as she walked up to me . " Here , these are Robs old PJ 's , you should get comfy . You didn 't bring any did you ? You don 't mind do you ? They should fit you . Rob is … . . I mean was … the same size as you when he wore these last . These are my favorites ; they got little footballs on them , see . " Her voice cracked a bit as she said the last part . " That used to be his room when he was 16 . When he turned 17 mom let him move downstairs . After he was gone mom moved all his stuff back up here like it was when he was still in school . She hasn 't done anything with it since then . I think Rob wanted to be downstairs so that he could sneak out at night , you know . " she kind of smiled as she said it . I kind of smiled and nodded " Sure , I don 't mind . " I felt a little weird having to wear her brother 's pj 's but didn 't think it was wise to refuse . They seemed to be something special to her . " I will go change . " I turned around and headed down the stairs to the guest room . I quickly changed and debated at the last minute about leaving my jockey 's on under the pj 's or taking them off . I tried it both ways and finally took them off . That was much cooler and I began to be a bit calmer about the situation . I figured we would watch some lightning , get a little wasted , talk about stuff . I knew I had to keep telling myself that she was just a kid and that I needed to be " a gentleman " as her father had said . I had no intention of trying anything with her . I wasn 't even sure how I would even go about doing that . I walked back upstairs and saw a small light coming from what I assumed was her room . As I got closer , I thought I could hear her crying . It was so soft , but she was defiantly crying . Not wanting to embarrass her , I backed up to the stairs and called out . " Wendy , where are you ? " There was just a slight pause and then I heard her say " Just a minute , doing some more cleaning . " I heard another door open and the sound of running water . In a moment she came out the door and looked down the hall saying . " There you are , I thought you had gotten lost . Those pj 's look a bit loose . Are they comfy ? " before I could answer she said " Come on , just don 't mind the mess . " She stood aside in the door to let me pass . I could feel her look at me as I went by . The room was a typical girl 's room , stuffed animals , pink bed , over by a large window was a small table with the glasses and orange juice mix . There was a door to the bathroom on the right and a closet next to the bed . " Looks nice . . " I said as I looked around . I smiled and looked at her . She was smiling and looking back . I could see just a little bit of red in her eyes from her crying but other wise she acted fine . The only light " Are you all right … . ? " I asked . She seemed to jump ever so slightly and smiled . " Yep , lets have a drink and watch the show . Oh … what time is it . " She said . I looked at my watch , it was a bit after midnight , and told her . Her window was rather large and open , the curtains were moving back and forth a bit . There had been a breeze but as soon as the door was closed it had stopped . The room started to seem a bit warm again . Wendy seemed to notice it to . " Hang on , this will never do … " she said and opened the hallway door , ran down the hall and flipped the switch . Now the only light coming in was from the bathroom and the storm outside . The breeze had started up and was pushing the curtains against the screen on her window . It felt better . The air moving past us was a bit warm but felt good . Then the rain started to pour down . " Ok " she said . " This is very important . I don 't mean to sound like a bossy girl , but you need to understand something . " Ahh here it comes , she is going to lay down the rules . Before she could say anymore I quickly replied . " Look , ahhh I don 't have any intentions here . You seem like a real sweet kid and I don 't want to cause any trouble . " She looked at me kind of funny for a few moments then smiled very slyly as she said . " Oh I think I may cause you a bit of trouble . NO ! silly ! " she exclaimed . " What I mean is the drinking . We need to pace ourselves ; it is no fun other wise . " I know I looked confused . " Here let me explain . " as she went on . " If we drink this whole thing in say an hour . You and I both will be puking our guts out in two hours . And in the morning we will both pay with massive headaches and maybe more puking . Now do you understand ? " Of course I did , I took three shots of tequila several months back one right after the other . I was knocked for a loop for about three hours . The morning after was hell , I hadn 't touched hard alcohol since then . " Uhhh that doesn 't sound like much fun . " I said as I laughed . " OK good , my brother taught me a lot about it , he said a person can be either stupid or smart if they are going to drink . People who get drunk on their ass people are stupid people . he said . Now it 's just after midnight so we take a drink and then half an hour later we can have another one . " With that she poured both glasses full and handed me mine and held up hers . " To the storm … . " She said as she quickly drank the whole thing in just a few gulps . " Mmmm , that 's good . Been a few months since I had one of those . " I just stared at her and said . " Aren 't you going to sip it or anything ? " She looked at me and laughed . " Sip it ! " She said . " Where here to have fun ! Take your shot , your not wimping on me are you ? " " No ! " I exclaimed . I was still unsure what was going on . With that I drank mine down in just a few gulps as well . I could barley taste the vodka in it . It made the drink a bit tangy but was really good , I must admit that I was surprised at her level of knowledge she seemed to have about alcohol . " All right time for the some fireworks . " She giggled . With that she moved her chair closer to mine , so that we were almost touching . I could now smell her stronger than ever . " Keep an eye on the watch , Brian . " She smiled at me as she sat down . " Let me know when half hour is up . " We sat in silence for almost five minutes , going ohh and ahh with each bolt as it lit up the sky . Her window overlooked the distant mountains . There were very few houses in between . We could see bolts hit the ground . We keep looking at each other and grinning as each bolt seemed to be more and more graphic . I started to feel slightly warm again . I was getting a tingly sensation in my fingers and toes . My head seemed to be getting lighter , and I was feeling more relaxed . I was actually starting to enjoy myself . She looked at me and said " Do you feel that ? " she giggled a little bit . Before I could say anything she continued . " I can feel the vodka , it makes my toes tingle . " I smiled at her and nodded . She turned as more lighting lit up the sky . I continued to watch it and her . God she was so cute . She brought her knees up and put her feet in the chair . She placed an arm across her knees and put her chin on it as she looked out the window . Her right arm , the one next to me was under and around her lower right leg . In the brief flashes of light , I was watching her out of the corner of my eyes . Pretending to see some of the lightning she was reacting to . I just wanted to watch her , I was amazed at this young girl who seemed to be so comfortable with me , and everything that had gone on this evening . As I would glance at her I became conscious of the fact that her lower right arm was moving slowly up and down inside of her upper thigh . At first I assumed she was just maybe scratching or nervous . But the longer I watched and noticed what she was doing , the more it became obvious that she was actually rubbing her pussy . She was playing with herself while sitting here with me . I was stunned and really was trying to convince myself that I was just imagining it . I also became aware of a different sort of smell in the room I could not place . " Boy now I feel warm , do you feel warm to ? " She said . I turned toward her . She was looking at me with her head against her knee 's . Smiling slowly and with sparkling eyes , she said " What time is it . " I looked at my watch and we still had almost 10 mins left to go . I told her . Then she slowly smiled at me again , and said " I can 't wait lets do IT now . " Her odd grin at me took me by surprise . " Uhh whaaattt ! " I uttered . I was taken off guard , I think it was the way she said IT . She just smiled , laughed and said " No silly , another drink . You know Brian you get really weird sometimes . " " Well , I find it really weird being in your bedroom , in pj 's and drinking vodka , and watching a thunder storm . " I said quietly . She looked at me and smiled . Grabbed her glass filled it and mine and said " Bottoms up . " I did the same with mine and smiled at her . We sat our glasses down and I turned and looked out the window . The storm was moving off and the lighting was getting fewer and fewer , at least close in . I could feel her watching me . I glanced at her and she was smiling at me . He lower right arm was once again slowly moving up and down between her legs . She sighed . " Oh nothing it just that sometimes between the lightning bolts , you remind me of Rob . You two look a lot alike , at least when he was 17 . " Her voice was kind of quiet . I could tell she was a bit sad . We sat there very quiet for what seemed a long time , enjoying the show and the noise of the rain . " You miss him a lot don 't you ? " I finally said . She nodded and looked out the window again . I could really feel the extra kick from the vodka now . I felt more relaxed and comfortable , and even with the cool air that was coming into the house I was feeling warm inside . The rain had slowed down a bit as well . Still looking out the window , she said " Yes , we used to do so much together . Our parents were always gone to parties and stuff . Some times they would not get back until the next day . We used to sneak into the booze and come up here just like we are now and watch the storms , and talk and stuff . " I looked at her for a moment . She wasn 't smiling , but had this strange look on her face , almost like she really was very curious . " Uhh sure , I don 't care . " I replied . I was feeling even more relaxed than ever and before I could say more she said . " Do you masturbate ? " with out thinking about what I had just heard I replied " Yes … " and then caught myself and stammered " I mean no , … I mean … . well uhhh what do you mean ? " I said looking at her . She looked back at me and without changing expression or anything said . " You know jack - off , beat your meat . You do know what masturbation is don 't you ? " Before I could go on she continued . " I know most boys do it , at least Rob said so . I caught him once . I was walking by his room and he had the door open a bit . He must have thought no one was home yet . As I walked by I could see him lying naked on the bed . He was holding a dirty magazine up in front of his face so he couldn 't really see me . I stopped and looked in . I had seen him naked lots of times before , but this was different . I looked down and he had his hand around his cock and was going up and down on it . I couldn 't believe how big it was . I had only seen it small . At the time I really did not know what it was all about . I was only 11 and I knew where babies came from but I did not know about erections and masturbation . I was amazed and just stood and started at him and his cock , his hand was going up and down and seemed to be getting faster . He was starting to breathe faster as well , he then laid the book down and held his head back with his eyes closed . All of a sudden he was shooting white stuff up in the air and it was going on him and up his stomach . He kept pumping and shooting a bit more . At the same time he was making this low grunting sound . He then slowed down and stroked him self a bit more before stopping . I must have made a noise , because he opened his eyes and saw me looking at him . " As I listened to Wendy tell the story , I could feel my own cock err penis moving . As much as I didn 't ' want it to my penis was getting larger by the moment . I leaned forward a bit and put my arm across my lap . I certainly did not want Wendy to see my erection poking up in my pj 's . I should have worn my shorts , they would at least have helped keep it down . " Anyway he jumped up and grabbed the pillow and put it over his lap . He wanted to know how long I had been standing there . I just looked at him and said the whole time . I could see his white stuff slowly running down his front . He asked if I knew what he was doing . I said no . He didn 't seem mad , just relieved . He explained that boys got horny and there things got big . When that happened they had to pump on it and get the pressure out . He said all boys did it , and had to do it several times a week , other wise they would explode . He made me promise not to tell mom and dad what I had seen . This was a secret that only boys were supposed to know . Of course I agreed , he still seemed very upset . I looked at the stuff running down his belly and pointed to it and asked what 's that ? He explained that it was cum and that it had sperm in it . I was then that I realized an important part of baby making . It was a mans thing getting hard and being inside a woman and shooting cum . I nodded my head and said ohhh , I get it , making babies . He said yes , that was how it worked . I then asked him if I could watch next time he did it again . I wanted to see it closer . He looked at me funny and said you 're really weird Wendy . Dad would kill us both if he found out . I told him I was just interested and wanted to see it work . I said if he didn 't show me I would tell mom and dad I saw him playing with his thingy . He looked upset again , and before he could say anymore I asked when will it get hard again . I assumed it would be days . He said that it could get hard in a few minutes if the right stuff happened . I said really , what stuff . He said just a minute , then got up still holding the pillow in front of him and went to the bathroom . He grabbed a towel and I could see him wiping the cum off himself . As Wendy told the story , my erection was getting larger and larger despite all my efforts to control it . I had never heard someone describe this much detail before . Some of the stories I read in magazines were not as real as this . Especially coming from a 13 year old girl who told it like it was a bedtime story . " Time for another shot . " I said as I started to reach and pour another one for us . I didn 't really feel like I was drunk . It was more like I was warm and relaxed , except for the part between my legs . That 's when I stopped , I would have to bring my arm up from my lap . I did not want to do that . My erection was full on and if I moved my arm , my pj 's would sprout a tent in the middle of my lap . " I 'll get it she said . You seem a little tense . " She laughed as she said it . " This doesn 't bother you does it , you don 't seem to be as red as you were earlier tonight . " She laughed again . " No … uhh no I 'm uh fine … its just odd and all , I mean your brother ? He was going to show it and do it again . Seems a little perverted to me . " I exclaimed . " Oh lighten up . " She laughed again . " I am just telling you what happened . I didn 't think anything of it at the time and Rob seemed a bit upset but I think he was more worried about me saying something to mom and dad . We share the bathroom . " See she said as she stood up and opened the door to her bathroom . The light about blinded me but I could see a door on the other side of the toilet . " That 's his room on the other side , sometimes we would forgot to lock the other side and walk in on each other . One of us would be pooping , peeing or standing naked brushing our teeth or in the shower . It was never a big deal with us . We always laughed about it . It never really seemed sexy or anything . " She closed the door and sat back down . She looked at me and smiled , she had a big grin on her face and her cheeks were flushed . " Anyway … . " She went on . " As he was standing in the bathroom cleaning up , I saw the magazine and walked over to the bed to look at it . I had seen Playboy once at a friend 's house . But this one was way different than that . It showed girls with their legs spread way open , their pussy was all pink and moist . " I groaned a bit as she said it . She glanced at me and smiled . " Some had what looked like fake cocks in them and were making them go in and out . Rob said later they were dildos . " She laughed at that . " Some pictures showed a cock in a pussy all the way in . The guy 's ball sack was all firm and round , not hanging loose like Robs was at the moment . I just stared at the pictures , very amazed . Rob came out looked at me and smiled , the pillow was gone and he was naked . His cock was all limp and hanging down . He looked at me and smiled , and asked me if I saw anything that looked good . I nodded my head and pointed to a picture with a guy who had an enormous cock . He was standing over a girl who was looking up at him and had it in her hand . She looked like she was going to kiss it I told him . Oh she is going to do that and more he laughed and told me to turn the page . I did , and I couldn 't believe it , I though it looked disgusting but it seemed to excite me at the same time . She was sucking on it . It was almost all the way in her mouth , can you believe that ? " Wendy turned and looked at me again . She must have noticed the glazed look in my eyes , because she said " What 's wrong , Brian , is this all a bit much for you ? Do you want me to stop ? We can talk about other stuff " she sounded concerned . She smiled a big grin and said . " What time is it ? " I looked at my watch . Only 15 mins had gone by . " We still have 15 mins left . " I said . I looked back at her , she was grinning up at me . Still watching her I slowly turned so that my body was almost facing her . As I did she stopped looking at me and looked down at my pj 's her mouth open . " Oh my god ! " she said " You do have a big hard on under there don 't you . I knew my story would do that ! " she giggled a bit then continued . " OK , now I want you to do something for me . " I looked at her , I was still a bit flushed but nodded my head slowly . " I want you to take your hand and put it inside your pj 's . " I did as she said . " Now wrap your fingers around your cock and pump on it a bit for me . " She stood watching my hand as I put it in the pj 's and grabbed my penis . I started to slowly go back and forth on it as I watched her . God it felt so good , as I closed my eyes for a second . I opened them as I heard her a make a soft sigh . She was looking up at me , I noticed that she had her hand down inside her pj 's . She pulled her arm out and reached out to me with both hands . " Now , keep playing . " She said , and looked at me . " I want to pull your pj 's down , so don 't move OK ? " I really didn 't care at this point ; I just felt the warmth of my hand and the warmth from the air and the vodka working on me . I looked at her , she had a glazed look on her face and leaned in closer and gripped each side of the jams and started to slowly bring them down . She stared straight at my penis as it popped free with my hand still slowly moving on it . I looked down at my penis and there was a whole lot of clear wet coming out as I worked back and forth on it . I felt like I was going to cum any second . She gasped and looked at me . " Oh … my gosh Brian that is a very nice cock … " she moaned a bit as she said it . " Ok , now stop and move your hand ! " saying it a bit loud . I did with out thinking . God I didn 't want to stop now . I closed my eyes a second and moaned . " Hang on Brian ! " I heard her say . I looked down just as she moved in . She grabbed my penis far back next to my pubic hair . Her touch was so soft and gentle , I could feel that her hand was just a bit wet . I was sure it was her pussy juice on it . Before I could react , she moved closer her tongue came out and started licking the tip of my penis . She tongued it for a second and got most of the pre - cum that was oozing out of me . I jerked back a bit but she took her other hand and put it behind me directly on my but . Her fingers went slightly in my butt crack and I thought I was going to exploded right then all over her face . She pulled me closer and then she slowly slid her mouth over my penis . As she did , her tongue slowly moved up an down on the bottom of my erect shaft and tickled the tip . She worked her way so that I was farther in her mouth and started sucking and slurping . As she started moving a bit faster , I could feel my self getting close . She sensed it as well and speeded up a bit . She moved her other hand off my penis and on my other butt cheek . By this time I was getting real close . Her head was going back and forth making sucking sounds , her tongue was moving around rapidly on the under side and around the head of my penis . My hips started slowly jerking and I could feel my cum as it started to rise . As I looked down at her , she opened her eyes and glanced up , I could see the light in her eyes , and the obvious joy on her face as she sucked me in and out . I could feel her hands grip my butt checks harder as she moved my ass crack apart , she kept moving her fingers closer to my butt hole . She had really short fingernails , and her hands were so soft and warm . She removed one hand and brought it to her mouth . I looked down and she was sucking my cock and her finger at the same time . With out missing a beat she put her hand back on my butt and spread my cheeks even further . She moistened all around my butt by going back and forth from her mouth to my ass until I was soaking wet back there . I wasn 't sure what she had in mind , I really did not care at the moment . I was feeling like I was in a dream . The lights and noise from the storm outside , the warm air going past me from downstairs , this enormous warmth from between my legs that never seemed to end . All I could do was think about that warm wet soft mouth wrapped around my cock . I could her myself talking . " Oh Wendy , this feels so good , please don 't stop , oh my cock is so hard it hurts . " I had finally said cock to her , penis was gone for good , at least for now . It seemed to go on for ever as she slowly worked on me . She would stop a bit and reach her tongue down and work them over my balls , before going back to sucking on me some more . After a bit she started working her mouth and tongue a bit faster . Just when I felt I was getting close to erupting she would stop or slow down . This seemed to go on forever as well . Soon she was going a bit faster and I was starting to move my hips in time with her mouth . She proceeded to go a bit faster . I groaned and could feel myself getting really close now . Sensing this she moved her hand and I then felt the tip of her finger start to poke at my butt hole . It was so wet that it started to go in a little bit . She pushed farther , at first I resisted but then I pushed back and she slipped it at least a half of her finger inside me . As soon as she did , I felt my cum start to race out my cock . I was worried for a second that I was going to gross her out . That feeling was lost when I suddenly exploded into her mouth . I could feel squirt after squirt rushing from me as she slowed a bit and continued to suck , I could actually hear her gulp my cum as I shot each squirt into that warm wet mouth . I came in spasms , each squirt seemed like it would never end . She slowed and just as the sensitivity of her mouth on my cock started to overcome me , she stopped , I unloaded a few more squirts . I could hear her gulping them down as they filled her mouth . I had never cum that hard before , nothing I ever did with my hand could match what had just erupted from my body . She halted all movement with her mouth or tongue and slowly removed her finger from my butt . I tried to pull from her mouth as I felt weak and wanted to sit down . She resisted and pulled me back to her and guided me as I sat down on the chair edge . Slowly ever so slowly she continued to suck me as I could feel my self start to go " What time is it ? " she said softly and giggled . I looked at my watch . We were 10mins over due for our shot . I couldn 't believe that it had taken this long of time for me to cum . " My god , that was great , Wendy … I uhhh that was so great , , , , , I have never cum like that before " I said very softly . " I think I must have come a gallon … . and uhhh and uuu … . that was so great " " Time for a chaser … " she said as she got up . She quickly poured the last of the juice mix into our glasses . " Bottom 's up " as she drank hers down . I drank mine quickly , I suddenly felt a bit foolish setting there with Robs pj 's around my ankles , I stepped out of them and then stood up and removed my top . I was starting to sweat from the exertion . As I did she moved in real close to me and started kissing my neck and working her way to my mouth . She found it and pushed her tongue in and started to suck on my tongue like it was my cock . I could taste my cum a bit still in her mouth . At least I assumed it was , it sure wasn 't orange juice and vodka . " I never really had a real girlfriend . " I said quietly . I suddenly became aware of the fact that I was standing naked in the middle of her bedroom . " uhhh I guess I have one now ? " I laughed . She pulled back a bit and her smile dropped . The look on my face must have shocked her . She seemed concerned . " uhhh Brian please understand , I can be your friend . But I am not your girl friend . I am not your lover either . " Wendy smiled and laughed a bit . " No , silly , this is fun , this is sex play . We are not making love , nor are we going steady or going out or any of that . You and I are just having fun and playing . Are you not having fun ? Do you want to stop playing ? We can but I can use a real good fuck buddy right now . " " No , I mean Yes … yes I am having fun and no I don 't want to stop … " I sighed as I said it . Fuck buddy . She wanted me to be her fuck buddy . I wasn 't really sure what it meant but it sounded good . " Ok , let 's not get all dramatic or serious . " She replied . " I want to have fun and play some more to . But we have a problem . I don 't want to get pregnant , and boys have lots of sperm just waiting to get inside of naughty girls and knock them up , you do understand that don 't you . " I was relieved and she saw it on my face . " Good … that means at no point does your nice hard cock get anywhere near my wet hot pussy , unless he is properly dressed up . " She said it very softly as she moved closer to me then turned away . " Look my brother gave me a bunch of rubbers before he left . You do know what rubbers are don 't you ? " She walked to her bed got on her hands and knees and bent down . As she bent over I could see that the crotch of her pajamas were wet . Then reaching under , she pulled out a box , opened it and showed me what was inside . About 20 small packets or so that looked similar to what I had in my wallet . She reached in the box and took several out . Threw me one and put the others on the night stand and giggled . " This should do us for awhile . How do you feel . Would you like more to drink ? I felt very good and really thought I would go over the edge if I had anymore . " No , I think I am fine . . nice and warm and toasty . But I would like to have a coke if I can . I am thirsty . " I grinned looking down at the new condom in my hand . " OK , but I have to go with you , here lets have some fun . " She said , reaching out and grabbing my penis . She rubbed it a little bit , but then moved her hands down and grabbed my ball sack and gently tugged on it . " OK lets go … you 're my little boy and I have you on my leash . " With that she gently tugged on me and started walking toward the door . I of course had to follow . We walked down the darkened hallway ; the only light came from the dimly lit kitchen below . I could feel myself getting a little excited with her gentle tugging on my balls . I looked down and my penis had started to come back to life . She led me down the stairs , looking back at me and seeing that my cock was getting a bit stiff , she reached out and slapped it . I about fell down from the sharp blow , but it really didn 't hurt it just surprised me . " Not now little boy , I have more plans . " She smiled back at me as she said it . My penis started to lose it 's stiffness real quick . We went into the kitchen ; letting go she grabbed a coke and handed it to me , then took one for herself . We turned around and started toward the stairs ; I gently touched her shoulder and showed her the condom . She got the idea . I dashed into the guest room and put it in my wallet . Throwing the old one in the trash can . As we started up , she let go and smiled back at me . " Don 't go anywhere else now . Just follow me . " She said . She slowly turned back and looked at me . I was again watching her bottom ; I looked up as she stopped . She smiled again then slowly pulled her pj bottoms down until just the bottom of her butt showed where they met her legs . I could see very soft hairs between the legs and the beginnings of her pussy lips . Her butt was white and creamy colored with no blemishes or marks . The crack of her ass was slightly spread and I could barley see the pink bud of her butt hole . Again I felt my cock really coming to life . I just stared . This was the closest I had ever gotten to see a real pussy . It was then that I noticed the smell , I could smell her , I could also see the glistening of moisture in her hair and along her legs . She had gotten very wet from our sex play . Her smell was intoxicating , I breathed it in along with her other smells , her sweat smell that I had noticed earlier in the kitchen , the soapy smell of her skin . I felt like I was going to fall over as I stumbled towards her . My nose just inches from her wonderful ass . The smell was much stronger now . My first smell of clean sweet pussy and the clean musky smell of her butt , it was driving me wild , I wanted so bad to stick my whole face into her moist cracks , and suck to my hearts content . " Yes , , , I am drunk , , , I am drunk on the sight and smell of your body . " I said " I didn 't realize that the smell of a girl was so powerful . And your bottom is so beautiful . " " Yes , I like it to . " She said . She then reached in behind her and carefully reached under her bottom and rubbed her fingers along her pussy . I watched as they disappeared inside and came back out all wet . Her fingers were almost dripping from the amount off moisture on them . She moved her hand to her mouth and sucked her fingers slowly while looking into my eyes . I noticed that by this time my cock had gotten full up and was sticking straight out again . She reached in again for more of her wonderful liquid . But this time she held her hand out and moved it toward my mouth . " Lick me … . Brian " she said . My mouth opened and her fingers slipped inside . My eyes closed , her taste was a bit salty , and reminded me of diluted milk . I worked my mouth and tongue around her soft fingers . I licked until I couldn 't taste her anymore . I opened my eyes and she had a very big smile on her face . I could see she enjoyed watching me suck her moisture from her fingers . She then was looking down at my erection . " Let 's go back to my room , where we can play some more . " she said as she bent over and finished pulling her pjs bottoms off . I stared at her exposed pussy and pink bud of an ass hole . She had very light hair compared to her dark head . She was almost hairless around the lips and above her wonderful hole and on her mound . I could see what I knew was her clitoris . I looked so much like a miniature penis all red and wet . She stood up , removed her top and turned toward me so that I could see her breasts for the first time . Her nipples were very erect , and her soft mounds looked firm and perfect . " There very beautiful , Wendy " I said quietly . I was still recovering from the shock of seeing her exposed pussy and the taste of her wonderful liquid . She grabbed my hands and put them on her tits . And showed me how to move them and play with her nipples . She leaned back and sighed as I did so . I massaged them for a few minutes , totally mesmerized by the feel and look of them . We then started down the hall together . Wendy put her arm around my waist and guided me towards her room . I was a bit wobbly from my first look at a pussy and playing with her boobs . She glanced down at my erect cock sticking straight out . " Opps your dripping … here let me fix it . " She said as she bent over . With out missing a step , we kept walking as she reached out with her tongue and licked the drops that were flowing from my erection . I thought I would come again just from the touch of her tongue . " You taste very good Brian , do you know that . " I walked toward her and she lifted herself off the toilet and put her hands on either side of her pussy , she spread the lips and started peeing , straight down . " See … " She said . If I spread my pussy I can almost stand while I pee . She slowly stood up as she was peeing and it still shot straight down . I then realized that I had to go to , even with my erection . In fact it had gotten half soft while standing there watching her . I was feeling very comfortable being naked with her , and seeing her naked . " I have to go to … " I said . She looked at me smiling and finished her last little squirt , reached over and grabbed a small towel and patted herself dry while holding her pussy lips open with her other two fingers . She finally stood all the way up and out of the way . " There you go … . " She said and motioned me forward . Still standing at my side she watched as I guided my penis , which was almost limp and started to pee . It was hard at first to pee and it felt odd standing there with her watching me . It seemed like a long time before I started and then it came out fast and quick . As soon as I finished she grabbed the towel took my penis in her hand and patted me dry . Still holding my cock she slowly stroked it up and down while looking into my eyes . Her face came to mine and started licking my neck as she worked her mouth up to mine . I could feel my cock growing again . This time rather quickly . Our tongues meet and we sucked on each other . I felt her grab some towels as she slowly started moving us both toward the door . Without stopping our kissing , she guided us over to the bed threw the towels on the side and turned and fell back while pulling me down beside her . She moved her self away from my penis as it briefly touched her on the thigh . She pulled her mouth from mine and looked straight into my eyes . " Have you ever sucked on a pussy before ? You would like to do that … right . . " she laughed as she said it . She knew that I hadn 't . I just smiled and nodded . It was her way of telling me what was coming next . I felt like I was going to squirt again . " Here let me get in position . " She said as she moved away and scooted up on the bed with her head against the pillows . She grabbed a folded towel and plopped it down and set her butt down on it . " I get a bit messy sometimes . " She laughed as she took another small pillow and put it under the small of her back . This lifted her middle up into the air . She lifted her knees a bit and grabbed behind them and pulled her legs with her feet up and over her head and to the side . Again I almost squirted as my cocked jumped up and down through my excitement . I just stood there looking at her smiling up at me in that position . I guess I knew what to do , but felt nervous about starting . I could still see lots of moister and some of it was running down across her butt hole . " Ok , now I am going to teach you how to make fireworks . . " she giggled . " Now very slowly come forward and lick me slowly all around my pussy with out actually touching it . " I got on the bed and leaned down and did as she told me , working my tongue slowly around and around . Changing directions and making little small circles with my tongue . My saliva ran out of my mouth and coated her on all sides . I slowly breathed in the aroma of her sweet pussy as I worked on her . I could feel her as she moved her butt back and forth and up and down . " Yes . . that 's it yes . . you 're doing very well … Now slowly work to my butt hole and tickle it with your tongue . " I didn 't care as I did what she said . " Work up to my pussy bottom and now slowly lick the middle back and forth from top to bottom . " She gasped as I made the first stroke up and back . I felt her clit briefly under my tongue . I knew this was a very sensitive part . I circled it a few times and then I went back down her lips and put my tongue deeper into her hole . " You 're a natural … Brian , I think you got it . Just keep working on my pussy like that . " I did as she told me . She slowly had me going back and forth on her . I glanced up at her a few times . She was holding both her tits in her hands and playing with her nipples . The movements started going faster and faster . I tried my best to keep up with her rhythm . As she slowed , I slowed as she moved faster I then went faster and pushed a bit deeper and harder as well . I brought my hands up and slowly started to work a finger into her pussy as I continued to lick her up and down . My face was covered with our combined juices and I was drunk with the smells coming from her body . I could feel her starting to shake more and she started crying out . " Oh , god your doing so well , suck my clit , suck my pussy … . oh keep going , harder faster " as she cried out the words . " Oh I am going to cum … . make me cum cum … don 't stop … keep going , push your fingers in me , , , rub the inside top of my pussy … a bit " ahhhhhh cum cuuuhhh " she moaned long and slow and gushed a little more . I tasted her , if it was pee it didn 't taste like what I thought pee might taste like . My face was soaked … . I slowly stopped as she started to slow down and relax . I pulled my fingers out of her and continued to slowly lick all around her pussy and cleaned her as she had cleaned me earlier . She moaned softly and slowly brought her legs down and to my side . The whole time she had kept her hands on her tits and was still slowly massaging them . My cock was throbbing and I needed to come so bad . I wanted to shove it in her pussy and fuck it till I exploded . If I had been a bit drunker I would have , even if she had tried to stop me . " God Wendy you really are something … I didn 't think girls could shoot like that . " I moaned . " I need you to suck on me again , my cock is so hard I want it in your pussy so bad … please suck me . " I then noticed that my hips were slowly dry humping the air . I was on the verge of just coming right then . She sensed my distress and said . " I got a better idea … " as she moved and her hand down between her legs , she rubbed herself and I could see she was getting her hand all wet . She then reached out and grabbed my cock and ran it up and down and lubed me up good , I felt I was going to squirt right in her hand . She then got up turned over on her knees and bent down with her head on the bed sideways , now with her butt sticking almost straight up in the air . " Fuck me in the ass , , , go slowly at first push very slowly , , , use spit to get your cock slicker if you need to . " I didn 't need any spit , the juice from her pussy , and the pre - cum on my cock was enough as I moved to her . With my cock in my hand I looked down at her bottom , her sphincter muscle was going back and forth like she was trying to poop . Her pussy was all red and seemed like it was engorged . I was tempted once again to just slip my penis into her . But as I watched her rosebud on her ass go back and forth I got hotter just looking at it . I placed my cock against it and started to push slowly into her , then backing out and going back in a little bit further . She groaned and I saw her reach under her and start working on her pussy … " Go slow , fuck me real slow , , , , real slow , don 't hurry I will let you know when to go faster , she grunted … . " I worked my cock slowly into her , it felt a bit tight at first but she seemed to relax and push against me as I finally slipped further and further into her . In the back of my mind , I knew that she had done this a before and from her reaction maybe a lot , but the feeling of being inside her was over powering me . I began to think that maybe this was something much better than pussy , her grip on me would change from loose to firm . . it felt a bit like she was sucking on me again , then all I could think about was shooting my cum . " If you feel to close , stop moving and grip your cock at the base and squeeze real hard or pinch your self real hard . . it will slow things down . " I did as she said and pinched myShe slowly ground her butt against me as she continued to play with her self . I could feel her hand starting to speed up and her body moving faster … " ohhh Brian … . , I am getting close again … . let me know when you 're ready … I want to cum with you . . " she moaned . I was ready and could feel my cum , I started moving a bit faster and looked down on my cock as it moved in and out . The sight of her under me and the fact that I could see her arm jerking her hand in and out of her pussy was to much … " Wendy I am going to squirt any sec …… uuuggg " I started to squirt . As I did she screamed " I ' mmm commming toooo … don 't stop … " My hips had stopped and were jerking as each squirt kept coming out of me and pouring into her . I thought I had cum a lot on the blow job she had given me earlier , but this seemed longer and more intense . I could hear her wetness as her juices once again poured out of her and on the bed . As we both slowed and stopped , I held my self tight into her and collapsed onto her . We both lay there , breathing hard , and moaning softly . I think it was at least a good 5mins . My cock slowly went down as it was pushed out of her ass hole . I just felt the warmness of her whole body and the wetness of our sweat and cum all over us . " God Brian … that was so good … . " She moaned . " I haven 't had a good ass fuck since Rob … . " She tensed and jerked a bit as she realized what she had just said . I jerked a bit to but from her reaction more that her comment . I could tell she was holding her breath waiting for any further reaction . " You fucked your own brother … ? ? " I said softly . . I wasn 't to shocked but I felt very odd . I felt her get more relaxed from the tone of my voice . She could tell that I was more curious and not disgusted . " No … not really , Rob would never fuck my pussy … . we always played , but never actually fucked " he said it wouldn 't be right . After all what he said we were doing was him teaching me about sex and playing , he wanted me to be proud of my body and not afraid to enjoy it . Now I wish so much that we had fucked … I loved him so much . . I miss him so … " she started sobbing quietly at first . As I moved off her and moved in close beside her she turned toward me . I took her into my arms and held her as she cried softly into my shoulder . Her warm tears flowed over me and soaked her face as well as my chest and arms . After a while she slowly stopped and her breathing became very light . The air coming into the room from downstairs was a bit cooler . I could tell that she was asleep ; I didn 't want to move and disturb her . I thought about the night and how I almost decided to stay home and not come . I laughed to myself at the irony I had cum alright , twice . I knew there would be more . I looked down at our naked bodies as they got illuminated from the occasional lightning flash that was now very distant . She had her leg over mine and was straddling me . I could feel the warm wetness from her pussy on my skin , and my own sticky wetness of my cock as it slowly dried against her . I must have fell asleep to . I awoke with a strange feeling between my legs , something warm and wet was working on my cock . I could fell myself getting a bit erect . Wendy was leaning over me with a warm soft wash cloth and carefully wiping me clean . Then she noticed that I was awake as I started to move my hips and thrust my cock with her hand movements . " Damn … you Brian … you spoiled it . " She laughed . " I was going to clean you all up and suck you awake . I was hoping you would start shooting your cum as you woke up . " I was again amazed at how relaxed she was when she talked this way . " I did that with Rob once . I snuck into his room when he was asleep . It was a hot night and he was naked on top of his covers . He had been out partying and I could smell that he had been drinking . I had just turned 12 . I looked down at his cock and slowly . . … Nope ! … I don 't want to jump ahead . Lets take a shower and later I will tell you the rest of the story . " She smacked me gently on the penis and turned to her night stand and clicked her light on . It had a dimmer and she turned it down . She then went into the bathroom and turned the light out . She started the shower and laid out some towels . I had sat up and was on the edge of the bed looking down at the other towels and the enormous wet spots we had left behind in our love making ahh I mean sex play as Wendy called it . " Now I have to change the sheets before we go to bed . " She giggled as she came back into the room . " Are you cumming Brian … . " I loved the way she said it . I watched her naked body turn back and go into the shower . I think I was still in shock about how the night had turned out . This was the best babysitting job ever , and this was certainly no baby I was taking care of . This was one fine fuck buddy . " Hurry up silly , I need a good back scrub … " she called . She was already in the shower . Snapping out of my dreamy reflections I headed into the bathroom and stepped into the shower with her . Read 171455 times | |
Tony Tony shrugged ; his old instincts were attaching themselves to the 2CV , and telling him that there was probably a tracking device in it . They were also telling him that he didn 't have the mechanical experience to tell the difference between a tracking device and a normal part of the car . He looked at Johnson , " I don 't suppose you know about cars do you ? " he asked " I always felt that it was my partners business " he said , " I never really liked dealing with her . " It was , Tony Tony thought , a very good answer . He realized that this did imply that Johnson had been Devlin 's partner recently , and that added weight to his suspicion that he had been his partner in the Amazon . Tony Tony gave a small nod , he could agree with that assessment . He felt it was time to brooch the subject of what was really worrying him . " What now ? " he asked , he didn 't elaborate ; in a situation like this he didn 't have to . " What I mean " Tony Tony elaborated , " Is that our situation is very bad at this point . Devlin won 't come in willingly until he has completed his mission , and I don 't think we have the power to force him ; no matter what Professor Green says . So how do we proceed from here ? " Johnson was silent for a long moment ; he seemed to find something extremely interesting on the horizon . When he finally spoke it sounded like he was examining the words behind his eyes before sending them out into the world . " We have to take him in . " said Johnson , " But we can 't do that until he completes his mission " . Tony Tony didn 't say anything ; he was trying to remember if he had said anything to Johnson about his relationship with Greg ; and guess how much the man knew on his own . He decided to play it safe . " Doesn 't his mission involve killing a lot of people ? " he asked Johnson pushed himself off the outcropping , and walked a few steps away from it . Tony Tony kept his eyes pinned on him . Johnson stood with his back to Tony Tony , his hands held behind him in the ' at ease ' position . " I 'm sorry , Tony Tony " he said , without looking back . Greg nodded , and jerked his leg violently . Then he realized that his leg was tied down tightly enough that that he couldn 't really move it . This is what finally caused him to start worrying . The Dwarf smiled , but he didn 't really look amused . " You will find that I don 't repeat my mistakes " he said . " You won 't be escaping from your rightful fate today . " Greg tried to move his other limbs experimentally ; they were all bound tightly as well . He checked around him , as widely as his eyes could see ; there was something moving in the shadows ; at lot of something 's . Greg was beginning to really regret not killing the Dwarf at the inn ; if he had had any Idea that he would turn out to be this competent , then he would definitely have gone back to make sure that his knife had done its job . " TAK ' DEK ! " bellowed the Dwarf . His hand shook at the words ; leaving a scattering of blooded lines all down Greg 's throat . Greg felt the fresh blood trickle down his neck , and mix with the soil underneath him . That 's okay ; he thought to himself , head injuries always bleed a lot . " I stand corrected " he said ; fighting to stay calm ; he knew that if he gave any indication of fear then the Dwarf would get excited and kill him where he lay ; he had to keep him unsatisfied . He hated not being able to move ; he wanted to run away so badly . " However I maintain that I didn 't kill your father ; he was still alive when I left the - " " SILENCE ! " bellowed the Dwarf ; luckily this time round he had pulled back on his axe slightly . He brought his axe down to Greg 's chest , and used it to flick up the thing he had hanging there . Greg looked down , rotating his eyes to the full extent of their travel . The pain screams were getting closer , and Greg really wished that he could turn his head . Something tall stood above him , there was a flash of metal , and suddenly Greg could move again . He sat up as fast as he could manage , and got a look at his savior , " Free Flower ? ! " he exclaimed . Without even bothering to nod , Free Flower turned to rejoin the battle . Greg rubbed his wrists where he had been bound ; he didn 't want to touch his neck . Now that he could move again he could feel himself starting to calm down , so he look around to see what was happening . It wasn 't really a battle ; it was a massacre . It was Free Flower against what looked like fifty or sixty Dwarfs . Greg shook his head , this was a really unfair situation ; the Dwarfs didn 't even have guns this time . The air smelled of oil , and it thrummed with the sound of a helicopter blade . That was odd , thought Tony Tony , why would Johnson and Charlotte knock him out before putting him on a helicopter ? He would have stepped on under his own power if they 'd told him they had one . Tony Tony tried to let his eyes relax slightly open . He could make out someone 's knees in front of him ; he couldn 't see the face from his head 's position so he focused on the knees instead . They were wearing some kind of business trousers ; that probably ruled Charlotte out , and they were skinny ; very skinny ; knobby even ; so not Johnson either . An accomplice maybe ? But then why leave someone so skinny to guard an unrestrained prisoner ? He took advantage of the rocking of the helicopters to roll his head upwards . He closed his eyes a little bit more , but he could still make out a blurred head above him . There didn 't seem to be anyone behind his guard . He cracked his body like a whip ; flinging himself into midair . His feet stuck into the ground and he drove himself forward . His crossed arms caught the man under his chin , and Tony Tony forced him throat first into the wall of the helicopter . Then his eyes opened . " Yes Sir ! It 's me sir " he said , pressing him back into the stretcher he had been laying on . Tony Tony felt like his whole body was numb ; he had never heard Andrew use a complete sentence before . " I 'll be happy to clue you in , Tony Tony " came a voice with a smile on it from Tony Tony 's left . " But first I have a few questions for you " Tony Tony turned to find Clare looking at him . She looked , somehow older and more impressive than Tony Tony remembered her being . She was also carrying a tape recorder , which really wasn 't a minor detail either . All the soldiers behind her raised their guns into the air and gave a cheer . Reddrummer turned forward again , chuckling . " Seriously though " she said , " We have no idea . Their supply just dried up a couple weeks ago , so I guess whoever was bankrolling them ran into some financial problems " Clare nodded again ; something seemed to be amusing her . The two of them looked back at the fire ; they were silent again , but it was a good kind of silent . Finally Tony Tony decided it was time to think about the more practical matters at hand . " You 've heard my story " he said , " What do you make of the latest plot twist ? " Clare chortled , and shook her head , " Alright " she said ; turning back to him , " Lets brainstorm , how do you track what is effectively a god ? Actually before we do that , can you do that thing that Charlotte could do ? The thing with her Crystal ? " Tony Tony hadn 't thought of that . He held his crystal in his hands the way she had done and focused on it as hard as he could . He could see the inside of his hands now , just like with a normal crystal , but now it felt like there was something behind his head ; it felt like unusually chunky mist . He focused on the mist feeling , but it was like trying to see a ' magic eye ' picture which was too big for you , Tony Tony hit the limit of what he could see , and he couldn 't seem to get any deeper . " Sorry " he said , opening his eyes . Tony Tony nodded ; he was looking around for Andrew . The sun was starting to get low , so he must be getting back soon . Tony Tony grinned , they had a plan again , once they got their orders back to Ants they would have a lot more information to work with , everything seemed better with a plan . Everything was looking up . Greg sat up slowly . The makeshift camp spun around him . Greg put his hand to his head and imagined ripping it off ; that might stop it hurting quite so much . Water , he thought , I need water . He stumbled across the camp ; trying to remember the location of the water barrel be had seen earlier . They were still partying , he realised . He supposed the Dryads must have a lot to celebrate ; they were drinking and dancing and singing [ 1 ] , over the unconscious bodies of all the Trolls and Dwarves in the Camp . Contrary to public opinion , dunking your head in cold water is not an effective hangover cure . It is however an effective way of drinking a great deal of water in a short space of time . Greg pulled his head back out ; water dripping off his hair and beard . His stomach appeared to be angled a few degrees short of the comfortable position , and his head felt tight ; but the water had helped a little . Greg noticed then something that he really should have noticed before ; namely that his cousin was propped up against the side of the water barrel . Feeling a little embarrassed ; Greg turned to face her , and borrowed an expression of Tony Tony 's . " Great party " he said " We can march the distance easily in four days , " she said , " Hell we could stumble the distance in three days . " she looked around , with a smile on her face , " And we might have to . We 'll get started as soon as everyone can stand " Ants ran his fingers thought his hair , scratched his scalp with both hands , and gave the ceiling a complaining groan . He was tired , and he was angry ; he wasn 't a man who took losing well , and that was definitely what was happening now . He wasn 't a meteorologist though , so that was an excuse ; damn poor excuse though . Damn it ! He picked up a Plush penguin off the top of his computer , as though he was considering strangling it . How was he meant to tell the difference between normal and abnormal cloud ? His eyes felt heavy . There was no stalling anymore , he couldn 't give them the information they wanted , but he could give them the information he had . It wouldn 't be enough , but then he could get some sleep . He prepared a transmission to the effect of " He had a radar signature at first , but now it looks like he 's blocking it . ' Air traffic control ' are calling it mage nonsense , and are hoping it went away . I have no good news for you today . " Tony Tony leaned his back against a convenient cliff and drummed his fingers against his knees . He hadn 't opened his eyes yet but he could feel the sun was rising ; and that annoyed him . He had wanted to set off last night ; when they had received Ants 's message , but Clare had pointed out that Frankie was their only helicopter pilot , and he had been flying all day . So because there was no other choice , everyone had just gone to bed . Clare swung out the door with one hand on the safety bar ; she caught Andrews hand and helped him up . Tony Tony noticed Andrew stammering and blushing , of course that was fairly standard for him , but this time it did seem a little different . Tony Tony made a mental note to find out what had been happening while he was away when he got back to the office . She held up a slinky blue number ; she could vaguely remember wearing it many years ago when she met the Russian ambassador . It was far too tight for her now though ; far too short as well , a dress designed for a younger woman . No , if they were lucky this whole thing would be a dignified affair , and it should be carried out with dignity . She wondered if dignity would be carried out , and whether she would be remiss in setting up another division of snipers . It probably wouldn 't be needed , she thought , her idiot cousin knew the importance of appearances , and that idiot at Redhall now would never dare try anything . She picked up something elegant that swept to the floor . Something like this , she thought , something that can conceal a leg holster , but in blue , it 'll suit me better . She wasn 't really worried about her niece and her borderline betrayal . Lady Greenroe thought that she might have been a bit harsh on the girl , after all you can 't simply expect a girl to walk away from her fiancée , and it all might work out in her favour if she was helping Devlin to take Mr Greg out . If he managed to remove that headache then she would gladly give her blessing to the couple . She moved to her weaponry draws . I 'll be there as a guest , she thought , they won 't search me . She pulled out two lightweight revolvers and strapped them around her legs . Of course , she thought , a guest doesn 't shoot other guests ; she picked out two silencers and a telescopic sight which she concealed in the folds of her dress . If Mr Greg did get away from Devlin then she would have to shoot him before he reached the table , the silencers were mostly there to give the whole affair a more genteel feel . She stood up straight and looked at herself in the mirror . Not bad , she thought , trying various poses , with makeup on that should carry off the effect nicely . She smiled to herself , it was the smile that chess players get when they are in a clear winning position ; the way she saw it she was the clear front runner at the moment . " Three more days " she said " and then , endgame " Tony Tony was power walking because it was the fastest speed the people behind him were willing to move at . They were willing to keep up with him as long as he was walking , but they dropped back the instant he started running . It was all very irritating . Professor Green was still holding his gaze ; it was making him uncomfortable . Finally she lowered her head again . " Greg is in no danger " she said " and you will make the situation worse if you try to help him . You are welcome to stay in the tower for as long as you wish , but I will not help you like this . Goodnight Mr . Tomson " Tony Tony felt utterly betrayed . He lined up numerous obscenities behind his eyes , lined them all up and paired them with the points he wished to make , mostly about the impossibility of Greg being safe while there was an angel out for his blood , that done he loaded them all up and got ready to fire them at her in a high impact barrage . Clare put her hand on his shoulder , and he stopped . The words were still buzzing around his head like a swarm of angry hornets , but they were starting to die back . Be like Greg , Tony Tony thought ; having to mentally scream the words to overpower the things he wanted to say , Greg could always control himself . Gradually the swarm got smaller , and smaller , and then it was gone . The sun was rising . Tony Tony watched it from the same window he had stood next to with Johnson a few days ago . " Our real problem " he was saying , " Is that we don 't know Professor Green 's motives " Tony Tony blinked and turned back to the window . Good answer he thought ; suddenly glad that he had Frankie along . " Tell me Frankie , where should we leave to ? " Tony Tony glanced at the spoon . Andrew looked as well . " Right " he said ; flicking his spoonful of tomato sauce back into its pot and moving his plate into what he clearly thought was a more natural position . Tony Tony was really coming to like the window down the corridor that led to the dead dorm ; It seemed like it had been subject to the E . M . L 's ' Sure why not ? ' attitude to spell casting . No matter what all the other windows showed , the window in front of the corridor was always perfectly angled to catch the sun . Right now Tony Tony was watching the sun as it sunk below the horizon . He eased himself off the windowsill and ambled down the corridor . This whole thing had turned into a bit of a mess , he thought , it still might make a good story though , even if it is a bit confusing and it had no moral . Tony Tony grinned ; the world was a funny place , who could possibly know where he would be in two days ? Frankie was already dozing when Tony Tony walked into the dorm . Andrew wasn 't in his bed , but Tony Tony 's eyes naturally found the corner where Andrew had set up his work beach ; he was there still playing with the radio . Tony Tony left him to it . He was a little worried about Andrew not getting any sleep , but he supposed that was his lookout . He couldn 't see Clare from where he was , but the curtain they had put up over one end of the dorm had an ' occupied ' feeling about it . Tony Tony pulled himself into his bed . Someone had cleaned his sheets , he didn 't know who it could have been ; magic wouldn 't work in the dead dorm and the mages didn 't seem like they would be good housekeepers . Tony Tony shrugged it off ; if there was anything he had noticed recently it was his life was a hard thing to understand . He lay down in bed and closed his eyes . He was just beginning to feel that warm absent feeling which always comes before sleeping when something heavy dropped onto his bed . " I got it ! " squeaked Andrew , " I got Ants and he says that he 's figured out the weather patterning ! " The back seat of a helicopter is an incredibly unpleasant place to sleep . What with the vibrations , and the noise ; it 's a wonder that anyone ever manages it . Tony Tony had managed a light doze in the back until the first rays of sunlight hit him and made further sleep impossible . He wasn 't really tired , Clare had agreed on the compromise of getting half a night 's sleep and then leaving before dawn . Tony Tony looked around and took stock of his troops . Clare and Andrew both looked like he did , if there did turn out to be fighting when they caught up with Devlin then the three of them wouldn 't be very much use . Frankie would be worse though ; it is not easy to fly a helicopter and Frankie had been doing it for the last few hours on what really wasn 't enough sleep ; he could push on through , but he was going to be shattered when they reached their destination . He turned back to the readout and tried to estimate Devlin 's speed . That didn 't make sense ; Devlin only looked like he was moving at walking pace . What could that mean ? Perhaps he hadn 't actually spotted Greg , perhaps he had chosen to break his spiral for some other reason , or perhaps he had already got him and didn 't feel the need to rush anymore . Tony Tony shook his head . We have to think we can help , he thought , we 'll keep going . Devlin must just be flying slowly for his own reasons . He looked back at the readout again ; it looked as though he was flying almost directly away from the helicopter . So it was a race then ; Devlin was slower , but the smart money said that he was almost where he needed to be . The helicopter had a lot more ground to cover , but it was covering ground quite a bit faster . Tortoise and the hare , he thought , edited for realism . He settled back into his seat , feeling the now familiar vibrations thudding into him . On reflection , he thought , it 's a stupid idea to keep this information from the rest of my team ; after all we are flying into a life or death situation , and this information might turn out to be vital . " Everyone " he called , " I think you need to see this " Charlotte didn 't move for a long moment , but then she slowly shook her head . " It 's his mind . " she said , " He 's at war with himself . It doesn 't tire me out , but it hurts me a lot . " On this road there was a young man , skinny and a little pale . He was talking to a tall and striking woman who seemed to have wolf ears . They were being tailed by a boisterous group of people who seemed to be pulling a cart full of alcohol behind them . They were travelling at ambling pace , without a care in the world . A little way back , but not really far enough , there was a man with untidy black hair and eyes that shone with harsh light . He was holding his head , and occasionally he thrashed around as though he were being flogged . He was airborne , but he was still following the line of the road , and he was moving faster than the people ahead him . Quite a way further down the road , but gaining fast , there was a little car which must have gone out of fashion at the same time as two - toned shoes . One of the car 's occupants appeared to be in pain ; the other one looked grimly determined . They had a much longer trip , but the little engine was whining , and they were rolling forward with the inevitability of a rather large boulder . Finally , a very long way back , at what was basically the start of the road , a helicopter was flying . It had a longer trip than all of the others combined , but it also was moving a lot faster than all the others combined . Everyone inside had their eyes locked on the horizon , and they only took them off to take their guns as they were handed around . Greg saw the man lift his hand . He seemed to be holding a pillar of lightning in his palm . Then before he knew what he was doing , his legs were moving , and he was off the road and through a hedge . The man let the bottom of the pillar slip out of his hand ; it hit the road and collapsed . Devlin was in hell . He could see Greg ; he was crouched right there on the road , shooting at him , but he couldn 't get to him . It wasn 't the bullets ; the bullets were just annoying . It was a woman and a dog . They weren 't using weapons at all ; the woman seemed to be using a rapier for some reason , but they were fast ; much faster than he was . When he attacked them , they dodged and attacked him . When he tried to attack Greg , they attacked him and broke his concentration . They couldn 't really hurt him ; which is to say they could hurt him a lot , but they couldn 't injure him on a long term basis . It didn 't matter how many holes they poked in him , or how many times they ripped his jaw off ; he could repair the damage instantly . But it infuriated him to be so close and to not be able to get any closer . The man appeared to be losing control . Free Flower could see that he was getting angry , and that he seemed to be having more and more trouble focusing his attacks . That was good , she thought , as she ducked under a wall of lighting and drove her rapier through both his eyes . The man screamed and flung lightning bolts left and right . His attack was random and he wasn 't healing as fast as he had been a moment ago . Good , she thought , as she slipped through a hole in his barrage and rammed her rapier through his heart , he wasn 't flagging yet , but she knew that if he kept throwing energy around like that then he would exhaust himself soon . No energy source is infinite . The wolf woman leapt at him and ripped his jaw off ; she seemed to have a thing about doing that . The man made the throat - noise of a scream and started to draw energy into himself . Free Flower darted forward and cut several important tendons ; the man slumped and the energy exploded out of him . Free Flower wound into a ball , felt the explosion fly over her , then unwound and slashed him across the eyes again . The inside of Devlin 's head was a terrifying place . As Charlotte travelled through it , it frothed and foamed like a mad horse . She reached out with her mind ; she was better at that now . There was so much rage there , blinding him even when he still had eyes . There was the power too ; he wasn 't even trying to hold it back . It was infinite , she could see that now , but he wasn 't . She could feel his body starting to break down under the strain . She could see what they were doing ; they were making him as mad as they could , because if they did that long enough then he would eventually stop healing . It seemed to be getting harder again , though . It was hard to think in the wolf state , putting aside adrenalin ; the brain isn 't really built for it . She leapt for him again ; aiming for his jaw ; she liked jaws , but this time he swung nimbly out of the way and brought his hand up to meet her . She twisted under it , and it passed over her with a sound like ripping paper . She hit the ground and scuttled away . When she looked back she thought he looked a lot more focused than he had before . He swept away Free Flower 's thrust , and narrowly missed on his counter attack . He had his eyes on Greg . The man in front of Greg dropped from a clean head shot , and Greg realised that they were losing . It had looked good for a moment there , but now they were losing . He switched his firing position to the ' flat on the ground ' one that the old man was using . Counting him there had only been three gunmen who survived the man 's first attack , now there was just him and another man he didn 't really know across the road . Be decisive , Tony Tony , said the voice in his head , decide where your loyalties lie . He brought his gun to bear on Charlotte . War is hell , said the voice , sympathetically , as he pulled the trigger . Something pulled Charlotte back to her body . She had been sitting cross legged , and now her legs felt stiff . She looked down and saw lots of little holes in her legs , like pimples after you pop them . Bullet holes , she realised . One of the holes was spurting something that she refused to recognize as her blood . She looked over at Johnson . He had been lying on the ground and his back was covered in red stains . He was still looking ahead , with his eyes firmly fixed on Greg , but he was twitching a lot , and it almost looked like he wanted to curl up into a ball . Devlin had seen what had happened . His eyes grew wide and he bellowed obscenities while jumping back into battle . He lost all his focus all over again , and Charlotte saw him being ripped into pieces . She reached for her Crystal again , but something in her couldn 't do it anymore . The helicopter had swung around and was coming in for another sweep . To her horror she saw Tony Tony hanging out the side . She tied to split into bats and fly away , but the pain she felt was so bad that she couldn 't do it ; she had never tried to split while injured before . He brought his gun around , and his time she thought he had a clearer shot . In desperation she invoked the name of the only god which had ever been even remotely helpful to her . " Miss Alpha ! " she cried , " Please help me ! " The air suddenly filled with bats . Greg didn 't know where they had come from ; it was like looking at a velvet black mist . His confusion turned to horror when he saw the bats swat Clare 's chopper out of the sky . All the bats collapsed together into the middle of the fight . They collapsed into the form of Lucy ( Lucy ? ! ) . Free Flower spun around and caught her cleanly through the chest . But Lucy wavered like a mirage , and suddenly she was standing on top of the sword . She aimed a clumsy kick at Free Flower 's face , which sent her flying off the road . Reddrummer leapt on her , but Lucy swung her arm around and , despite not actually touching her , broke everything along Reddrummer 's left side ; including the skull . Greg watched all of this with a brain which had turned completely numb , but that confusion ended when he realised that Devlin had seized his chance . He tried to dive out of the way , but it was too late . Devlin 's fist punched through him , and he distinctly felt his spine shatter , right before his legs went numb . Things gradually dimmed , and Tony Tony started to feel cold . He realised that someone was touching his face , and he wearily opened his eyes again . Lucy ( Lucy ? ! ) was blocking the light of the sunset . " Don 't worry , Sir " she said , " You 're gonna be just fine " Then there was the noise . It was a rushing noise , like a river made of slipping ice , and it was driving directly into his skull . He could feel a weird twitching feeling in his chest ; he didn 't like it and he wanted it to stop ; then he realised that his heart was beating again . Okay , he thought , and then he stopped ; because it hurt to think . He realised that his head was hurting so badly because he hadn 't taken a breath yet . He tried to take a breath , but then realised that he didn 't remember how . Damn it ! He thought , and stopped again when the second spike of pain torn through him . He cleared his mind and let the image of breathing form . He breathed as deeply as he could ; over and over again . Okay , he thought , I 'm back , now where am I ? He traced his last memories ; looking for clues , he remembered Devlin shattering his spine ; he didn 't think he would ever forget that . Broken spine , he focused on his skin , trying to imagine the feelings along it , there wasn 't much sensation anywhere , apart from the pain of course . He was having a lot of trouble trying to locate the sensations on a map of his body , but when he thought about it there didn 't seem to be any sensation below a certain point . Oh no , he thought , bones took forever to heal . He thought again about where he was ; he tried to look through his eyes , but it was like there was a mist covering them . He tried to reach up and touch his eyes ; so he could see how bad the damage was , but he didn 't seem to be able to move his arms . He focused as hard as he could , feeling the willpower on his arm mount higher and higher , but it wouldn 't move . Tony Tony sat in darkness . He wasn 't in pain , but he wasn 't thinking either , and it didn 't bother him at all . He would be quite happy to sit there forever , but then he reached out his hand , and gave form to the void . He sat there . He didn 't really have a face anymore , but if he had had one then it would have been wearing a blank smile . Soon he started to recognise some of the shapes ; there was his first wife , and his second daughter , the kitten he had had as a child . He looked down ; he didn 't have any light to see by , but he knew that any light he had would have been swallowed anyway . " Do I have to go down ? " he asked . One of the voices whispered something behind him which made Tony Tony smile . He was pulling himself up the hill he had woken up next to ; which was hard work given that his legs weren 't moving , and he could feel it taking its toll on him , but he welcomed it ; the sweat pouring down his face was great because he could feel it , and after the searing pain of those few minutes after rebirth , the ache in his arms just reminded him that he had made it back . I made the right choice , he thought to himself . Immortality is awesome . He managed to pull himself to the very crest of the hill , and tried to focus his eyes on the horizon . After a little while he realised that this was a waste of time ; his eyes didn 't seem to be able to focus on anything further than arms length away . He let himself fall back on the ground , and he realised that he could make out something . It was a flower ; it was bright blue and it had gold stripes running through it . What the hell , he thought , am I even in Europe anymore ? He rolled over onto the grass . He was fighting the urge to start crying ; something he hadn 't done since he had been a child . There was nothing he could do , for one of the first time in his life there was absolutely nothing he could do . Greg felt like a newborn baby , not even able to lift his own head . He started thinking of all the people he had admired over the years , and thought about what they would have done ; not started crying , is what he came up with ; it wasn 't really very helpful . Then he thought about Tony Tony ; what would he have done ? He would have gotten help from someone stronger , he thought . Greg pointed his face at the sky he couldn 't see . " Help " he called , " Help ! " With a thudding noise something pulled up right next to his head . A hard voice sounded from somewhere above him , " You call for help " it said , " And I come . I am Crazy Sven , modern day Super Hero " Crazy Sven chuckled and opened his door . " Da problem with you youngens " he said ; picking Greg up and throwing him into the back of the car . " Iz dat , you don 't take your promises seriously " She slapped the book down on the reading desk . She had come across it as a student , and she knew that the information she wanted was inside . The cover of the book read in faded letters " Furious angels and how to avoid them . " He took a look around . He seemed to be only one conscious ; there were people all around him , and all of them seemed to have a have a fuzzy orange glow over some part of their body . The one who seemed to have gotten off best was Andrew ; he was propped against a tree with the glow over the top of his head . There was a pretty woman with blond roots next to him ; she was floating in mid air ; with the glow covering her entire body . Then he realised that he wasn 't entirely alone among the conscious ; there was a young girl lying off the road ; she was playing with a butterfly . It was Lucy , he remembered . He stood completely still for a moment , and then walked towards her ; he was a reporter , and he had a few questions which needed answers . He looked up to see the man holding a pillar of lightning again . He braced himself as it rolled onto the road and blew them off into the countryside . Greg waited for Crazy Sven to set the car right again , but he kept driving . " Hey , Crazy Sven " he asked , " Where are you taking us ? " Crazy Sven pointed to a huge ravine up ahead . Greg looked at it ; his heart stopping mid beat . " Uh , he can fly " Greg reminded him , " I don 't think we can lose him that way " Greg suddenly was aware of a rushing noise . He looked to the left and saw half of the taxi rolling away , with Crazy Sven in it . " Ride it down ! " Crazy Sven yelled , " GoatSmellingCrotch is at the bottom ! " The ride was getting rougher , and Greg knew that he wasn 't safe . He could hear rumbling behind him ; like an avalanche . He shifted his weight to the right and tried to steer the runaway thing , but this made him fall over . Cursing the world , Greg skidded the rest of the way down the canyon walls ; vibrating his head against the door . Then the rumbling died down , and he wasn 't moving anymore . Greg could hear running . He tried to pull himself out of the taxi , but before he could manage it someone strong grabbed him and lifted him out . Greg focused on the face of his rescuer , " Gileppi ? ! " he said . Greg grabbed Gileppi 's head , and turned it to where a glowing star was investigating a second landslide further down the canyon . " If I stay here " he said , keeping his voice as calm and serious as he could , " I will die . I need to get to Transylvania , before the sun goes down " . The air around Louise Green was filled with writhing blue shapes ; like the textured wallpaper of space - time , and the wind around her carried sounds like drum beats . All of that was for the audience of course ; the spell could easily be done in complete silence , but the flashy visuals kept people 's attention , and they didn 't take much energy . The important part of the spell was what she was doing with her mind , and that was what was causing sweat to run down her brow . It worried Greg that he was getting so blasé about being shot at with lightning , and it worried him even more that Mr . Ian Woon was so blasé about it ; the man didn 't even look back in order to dodge . Still the flying man chasing them seemed to be catching on ; he spread his arms wide and started to form a huge ball of white light . Greg watched the ball growing , and decided that he didn 't like his chances of getting around it . He taped Mr . Ian Woon on the shoulder and indicated behind him . Mr . Ian Woon turned around and then looked back . " Dude " he said , " That 's nothing . " Greg looked up , and saw a pair of dragons descending on them . Before he could feel properly afraid , he saw another pair dropping out of the clouds about a kilometre ahead of them , and another pair further than that . It was like looking down a giant floating highway made of dragons . Louise wondered where the flying surfboards had come from . Greg was there too , but she ignored him , it important thing was what was chasing him . It looked like it was taking everything he had to keep up with the surfboards ; Louise wondered if the spell would work better if he was distracted , probably not , she thought . He had just finished telling Andrew what he had learnt from Lucy . Andrew kept trying to scratch his head , and it was visibly annoying him that he couldn 't . " So what you 're telling me , sir " said Andrew , " Is that Lucy was some kind of secret spy sent by a shadowy puppet master who has been pulling the strings behind the scenes this whole time . " Louise Green straightened up and dabbed her brow . Done , she thought , until the next time . She turned to her gathered students ; who were listening respectfully to her [ 5 ] . " Alright " she said , " Make your notes and then go in for dinner ; class dismissed . " Greg didn 't think that that was much of a credit ; he had seen the helicopter juddering as it had come it , but then he supposed that he could only expect so much from something held together by orange light . He made a note to ask about the light later , but for now he had bigger problems . " The sun 's almost down , " he said , " If he can fly then let 's get him airborne . " Devlin was floating about three feet off the ground , and he was almost totally covered by the light . For some reason one of his hands seemed to have escaped damage , and it was the only part of him she could touch . She took his hand in hers and started stroking it . She had only come back to consciousness a few seconds ago , and she knew that he couldn 't feel her , but stoking his hand made her feel better . She leaned over and whispered in his ear . " No more fighting , " she said , " You don 't need my mother 's approval , you 've got mine " . She tried to kiss him , but she couldn 't get through the orange light , so she sat there , holding his hand , and watching the sun go down . They were punching through the fuselage with a sound like rain falling on a tin roof . One of the bullets clipped the leg which wasn 't covered in armour . " Keep flying " He said again . Greg smiled and gave the thumbs up to the helicopter stuck in the roof . Through the windshield he saw Tony Tony and Andrew gave it back . He looked at the damage to the roof , and hoped that the house was part of his inheritance ; otherwise he could really end up paying for that . Mr Brown was opening the reading of the will by reading Lord Redfox 's full title . This was taking a little while . Greg had never realised how many small countries had seen fit to name his uncle a national protector . Greg knew that his uncle had had a reputation as a very clever man ; he wondered whether he had seen this coming . If a werewolf wanted to control where his money went after death then he had to be careful about who he thought was strong enough to make it to the reading . Greg realised that his part of the game was over ; it was time to see the move that his uncle had made years ago , and to find out if his uncle was as clever as his reputation held . Greg took a cup of tea from the butler . He realised that all the other people had tea in front of them as well , but none of them had drunk any . Greg thought about this ; it was considered in very bad taste to kill another guest , but that really only applied if you did so in a way that could be traced . Greg decided to leave his tea as well . Yellowbird had moved the old comfy armchair to Lord Redfox 's office ; his office , he reminded himself . It was his office , and he was Lord Yellowbird . He tried to stand up straight , imagining himself tall and aristocratic , but it didn 't work ; it just didn 't feel right . He sighed and collapsed back into the chair . What on earth could the master have been thinking of ? He wondered ; the gods know I 'm not cut out to rule . He rubbed his face , and wished that the master had been in the habit of keeping whiskey in his desk draws . There was a knock at the door . Yellowbird straightened up as best he could ; he had the feeling that appearance would be very important soon . " Enter " he said . He looked at the report . There were some groups in Serbia which were trying to get the trade in Dryad skins going again ; apparently they made good bases for gardens . Yellowbird looked at the report in disgust , someone should do something about that , he thought ; and then he remembered that that someone was him . |
We went grocery shopping this afternoon . I feel like I have run several major marathons . I also , naturally , in the middle of shopping , managed to hit my hand which jammed my sore shoulder on the door of the frozen foods . Yup , wasn 't that the brightest thing to do ? I amaze myself sometimes . I am so clumsy . So my arm is even more sore than it was before I started out this afternoon . My shoulder is just as sore and of course , my knee and head have to keep them company . Sometimes I just want to scream . This is one of those days . Other than shopping , there isn 't much to do today , no lessons . It is a good thing though since we went shopping . I usually go on days we don 't have much planned because it takes so much out of me . The weather is turning a bit colder now and the leaves are starting to change . It looks so pretty from our dining room window . We are heading to the bank now to make a deposit so my health insurance doesn 't bounce . Hope you are having a good day . I finished altering Emily 's dress . It was okay until I had to stand to measure the hem . That hurt a bit . I haven 't sewn much in a year since I made the dresses for Disney . I did okay , I am happy with most of the changes . I have one student left tonight . She is on her way . Frank was back for his lesson this afternoon . It was great to see and hear him again . He has been off for 7 weeks since he broke his wrist . He played quite well for not playing for 7 weeks . He did practice this week though . Charlie did well too . Both boys have homecoming this weekend and are going . ( they attend different schools ) My arm and shoulder are very sore again , I have an appointment to see my doctor in two weeks . I didn 't ask for the appointment , apparently I haven 't been in for an appointment for a year so he wants to see me . I will have him look at my arm and shoulder although I believe it is just fibro . We shall see . My knee will be checked out too . The left one is not doing as well as I would like . I don 't see the rheumatologist until October some time , so that is soon . It is dark now so we won 't be going to scooter . It gets darker earlier now so we are probably done scootering until spring unless we go on the weekends . I hope to pass out more flyers this week since I can 't pass them out at the schools . They don 't allow it . I was very disappointed at that . Well , Rachel should be here soon , so have a good evening ! ! I have 4 students today . I also got a call back from the school board person , they will not allow me to pass out flyers to the elementary school for lessons . They don 't allow anyone to do that . They just can 't endorse anyone . I wonder where our world has gone to . It is really annoying . So we are back to passing out flyers door to door . I haven 't had any results yet from that method . I can 't afford to put an ad in the newspaper because it costs about $ 500 per week . Oh well , I have people that are willing to help me pass out flyers . Maybe I will get someone that way . At least I have two new students this fall . My arm and shoulder are doing worse . My student is here so I have to go ! Have a great day ! Sam was over this morning to see if her homecoming dress needed to adjusted . It doesn 't . She wanted a ruffle changed but that would ruin the line of the dress as well the entire dress would have to taken apart and resewn . So I told her it was not possible to do . ( Because I am not ruining a dress ! ) She plans to wear tights on her legs , a tank top underneath the dress ( it will show ) and converse tennis shoes on her feet . Yeah . She will basically be inappropriately dressed . If it were my daughter she would not be going unless she was appropriately dressed meaning : black nylons on her legs with dress shoes and no tank top . But she isn 't my kid , so I guess her grandmother will let her go out looking like that . I tried to talk her out of the shoes , but she won 't budge . Her grandmother was trying to tell her she should wear dress shoes but she was laughing so the effect she wanted wasn 't there . I just don 't think it 's funny . She is going to embarrass herself . I will be fixing Emily 's dress today . She came over yesterday for the fitting . I want her to come back during the week in case it needs to be adjusted again . I don 't think it will , but better to be safe than sorry . I have to do laundry today too . I am running out of undies . Laundry is hard for me because I can 't reach everything in the washer to put in the dryer and I can 't stand up long enough to fold things out of the dryer , so Mom helps . She brings down the clothes and then puts them in the dryer for me . I hate doing laundry . Then again , I don 't know anyone who loves it . My cousin and family are in Disney World right now , so is one of my friends . I hope they have a great time . I love Disney ! ! ! ! ! ! I have been there about 13 times so far in my life . I hope to go again in 2 years with Kathy and her children . I had to give up my Disney points because we can 't afford them anymore . I was really sad over that . I tried so hard to hang on to them . We just don 't have enough money unless I win the lottery . Which , hey , you never know , it could happen . Boy would I be shocked iPosted by I ache a lot tonight . My arm has been pretty bad all day . Despite that , it was a good day . I had two lessons then book club . It was a great book club . We were discussing so many things as well as the book we read . I love book club . It is always an interesting conversation with all the topics we hit upon . After book club Emily came over to try on her dress so I can take the top in . The bones in the dress stick out too much and well , a taller person would get a show . Not good . She has had a bad week with her asthma . She has life threatening asthma and had been in the emergency room as well as the doctors office . Poor kid . She hasn 't slept well because of the medicine she is taking . What she needs is a really good night sleep but at this point she is so over tired that she can 't sleep . I hope this week is better for her . She is a really nice kid . I have known her since she was 6 , wow , it has been 10 years , I just realized that . Her sister is one of my students , Emily was , but she has advanced in piano so much that I couldn 't teach her anymore . I just love the day I had today ! ! ! ! It was wonderful despite the major pain . Tomorrow should be a busy day too as I plan to work on Emily 's dress and Aggie 's dress . Then Emily will come in the middle of the week to try on the dress again to see how it fits . I hope this finds you having a good day and enjoying fall . It is my favorite season . I am in a lot of pain today . My shoulder and arm are really burning . I am most unhappy about that . It was difficult going to the sewing class because it hurt so much , but the girls are very helpful and listen quite well . It is just not my day . Mom gets upset because there isn 't anything she can do to help . I am trying not to move the arm much so it won 't hurt so much . Not much more happening as I feel horrible and am in a lot of pain . I didn 't have Roman for a lesson yesterday . His mom called to cancel the lesson at about 4 pm . I was very disappointed because I was looking forward to the lesson , She is new so I wasn 't too angry about the late notice . It does happen . I have two lessons tomorrow morning and early afternoon as well as book club so I am looking forward to that . I hope I have a better day tomorrow and in less pain . I will be heading for bed early tonight and we won 't be scootering . I hope your day is much better than I . I had my blood test this morning . She had to poke me twice because the first time it didn 't work . I have very deep veins . I also got my flu shot too , so did Mom . She wasn 't very happy with me about that , but oh well , she needed one . My arm hurts even worse than usual because of the shot . I should have had her give it to me in the right arm , not the left but she did it so fast it didn 't occur to me how much it would hurt afterwards . I hope it will be a month before the next one . My arm and shoulder hurt a lot right now . I think I finally fell asleep about 4 am . I hurt so much that I couldn 't sleep . My right eye is sore too . It isn 't fair . That 's all I have to say about it . My friend , Donna , got lucky . Her doctor is going to be able to give her the medicine as an outpatient . He said it would be alright to do as long she remembers to give herself the medicine four times a day . I still think she should be in a hospital where she will be supervised with the medicine . I have little Roman tonight . He is so cute . He is four . He is doing alright for a 4 year old . I hope this finds you doing well . I had no students tonight . I had one yesterday , Charlie . Frank will be back next week . He broke his wrist about 6 weeks ago so he hasn 't had a lesson since . He got his cast off yesterday , so he will have his lesson next week . I am very happy about that . I talked to the a school board 's secretary this afternoon . I had to send a copy of my flyer that I would like to pass out to the local elementary schools . I don 't know if they will allow it , I hope so . It would really help me out if I can pass them out to the school children . I know that Rochester schools doesn 't allow it because they have their own after school program . I think Utica has one too , but I asked anyway . I hope to hear from her soon . My friend , Donna has a rare bone infection . Apparently it is really bad and she has been told she needs to be in the hospital . She refuses to go , says she can 't afford it and won 't do it . She told the doctor to treat her as an outpatient . To me , she is signing her own death warrant . I don 't understand her at all . She has been told that if she doesn 't get the medicine , she will die . I don 't get it , she is going to die if she doesn 't go into the hospital , but she won 't do it . Her husband basically is like , that is her problem . She had an appointment this afternoon . She said she would call me later . Pain level is medium high right now , but was really high this morning . My shoulder is not getting any better and at times , is worse . I wake up more than usual with pain , and then it takes a little bit to go back to sleep . I woke up late today and am very tired . I hope this finds you doing well . I had four students today ! Yeah ! It was a great day . I love days that I have a lot of students . It makes the day . My hope is that by the end of October , I will have 4 students Monday thru Thursday , and Saturday . That would be good . I can handle 4 a day . I think I can actually handle 6 a day , but I will begin with 4 . I am going to go to the elementary school and ask if they will pass out my flyers . I don 't think they will , but I am going to ask anyway , they can only say no . Saturday is book club and that is the day the Muglia girls were coming to pass out flyers , I will have to see if they can come a different day because of book club . We only meet once a month . But if I can pass them out at the school , I won 't need to pass anymore out ! We shall see . Mom enjoyed going to the first student 's lesson . She listens instead of doing her puzzles . She likes to watch the students have their lessons . She sits in on Kayla 's and Rachel 's lessons too . Actually , I think she watches almost all of the lessons . Grace had her first voice lesson this afternoon . She did quite well for the first lesson . Bob did okay on piano , he was having trouble with a few passages of his pieces that we went over and he did better on them . I am very pleased with how he is improving on the piano . I have to go to Evola 's to sign up for the Christmas concert . I want it the third Saturday or Sunday in December . The first two weekends are busy for a couple of the students and they don 't want to miss the concert , so we are going this week . It is rainyish out right now so we are not going out for a scooter and it is also very humid out . I don 't do well with the humidity . I am still waiting for my back disability . I hope it comes soon . I need to pay for the bankruptcy so I can get that taken care of . Then we can work on Mom 's bankruptcy . Houses right now are being sold for almost half of what they are worth ( the tax rate worth ) This will help Mom and I for the bankruptcy so I am not upset over that . We just need to get them taken care of and finished . Richard shPosted by We met our friend Donna for Tim Horton 's today . It was fun . She is a very nice lady . She also has a rare bone infection that she should really be in the hospital for but she won 't go because she can 't afford to pay what her insurance won 't pay for . Her husband has the money to pay but he won 't . He says that is her responsibility . I think that sucks the big one . I thought when you got married you shared everything including money . I guess he doesn 't care that she could die from this . I don 't understand their marriage at all . Unfortunately she can 't leave him because she has no money and no where to go . Her son and granddaughter live with them . It just makes me mad ! We spent about 2 1 / 2 hours at the restaurant drinking pop ( me ) , hot chocolate ( Mom ) , and coffee ( Donna ) . It is nice to pass the time with a friend . Now we are home and both Mom and I are bored again . I am going to put on Dr . Quinn Medicine Woman . Mom really likes the show and it keeps her from falling asleep her at the table . I am very tired today and my arm / shoulder is very sore . I moved it wrong putting on my jacket and it let me know . I had one lesson earlier and she did wonderful . We were working on something new and she hit notes she didn 't know she could hit clearly . She about fell over , Katie asked , " what was that ? " I replied , " You . " She was very shocked at the sound that came out of her mouth . It was really exciting because it gives a glimpse of what she will be able to do soon and that is so cool . I don 't know if we are going to scooter , I have to charge it , I don 't think we would get very far on it tonight . I hope this finds you doing well and enjoying your day ! I had one lesson today and that was it . Aggie is every other week so this was her off week . I have one student tomorrow and then 4 on Monday . I love Mondays with that many students ! Not much going on here , I am re - reading Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix for I have no idea how many times . We probably will watch Dr . Quinn Medicine Woman sometime later tonight . Weekends are so boring . Then again , weekdays aren 't much better either . Next Saturday the Muglia girls are going to come and pass out flyers . That will be fun . They are very busy today . The girls are so unhappy that school has started . Right now school doesn 't sound so bad at least there is something to do . But I do totally understand them , I hated school too . Unfortunately , I wasn 't homeschooled like they are . I would have liked that better . My arm is not doing well at all . I cannot get my jacket on without help anymore because I can 't really move the arm up now without massive pain . My knee is doing somewhat better , it isn 't as bad as it was earlier in the week . I am very tired today . I slept in too , so I shouldn 't be so tired , but I am . I hope you are having a good day . It was sewing day with the Muglia girls ! Hannah picked out her pattern and her material for her top to her skirt . She picked the easiest one . Hers is very straight forward and not complicated like her sisters . I also picked up my sewing machine from the repair person . $ 144 . 06 later , I have a machine that works . It better because the repair was so expensive . It is nice out , sunny and little cool . I am happy about that . We barely had the air conditioner on this summer so that saved on money . We are still behind in bills though and I am still waiting for my back disability to arrive . I hope it comes soon , we really need it to catch up on house bills . Not much going on her in the Paxton house tonight . I am very tired because I didn 't get enough sleep last night . Mom fell asleep before I was ready for bed and I was reading so I didn 't realize how late it was . I finally went in her room at 11 : 30 pm and saw her lying in bed . I had to wake her up to get my pajamas on because with my arm so bad I can 't get them on myself . Tonight I will make sure I am ready before she is , then it won 't happen again . She said she was so tired she just went to bed forgetting about me . First time that has ever happened . I have one lesson tomorrow , Lily . She moved her lesson time from 11 am to 1 pm . She had to move her lesson last week because Emily came to the lesson to try on her homecoming dress that I am shortening for her . Lily liked sleeping in so asked if she could have her lesson at 1 pm every week . I said no problem ! And it isn 't . Whatever works for Lily , works for me . I live to teach . Her mom at first was worried that it would break up my day , I said no problem . Whatever the kid wants works for me . We aren 't going out to scooter because we are both pooped . We 're just too tired to go so we will go tomorrow instead . I hope this finds you doing well and enjoying your day . We went to the IMAX to see Harry Potter , it is the third time we have seen the movie . It is a good movie and I didn 't want to be home today . I don 't really know why , sometimes I just don 't like to be home . I think we are here way way way too much without enough to do . I have one student this evening , little Roman so that is a good thing . The new season of Oprah is on , I haven 't seen one yet and they started on Monday . I was teaching during the time on Monday and Tuesday and yesterday we went to the Olive Garden for their never ending pasta bowls ( mind you one totally fills you up ! ! ! ! ) It was an alright day since I had no students . I haven 't heard anything from anyone I passed out flyers too . I am pretty disappointed about that . We all know what will happen if I don 't get new students soon . I am trying not to focus on that . Maybe that is what God wants Mom and I to do , live with Richard , but I don 't know . You know , a little more information from up above would be really helpful , I have never been able to figure out things unless they are direct . It will be too late when I finish my lesson to go for a scooter so we will go tomorrow . I hope this finds you doing well and having a good day . Not much to do now , we went to get our passport pictures taken . Oh my , you can 't smile in them or the passport people will send them back so we look horrible in the pictures . I don 't understand why you can 't smile - must have a neutral expression - okay whatever ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Then we went to the bank to get an international money order , only the banks don 't have them anymore . Yeah , tell me how that makes perfect sense ! They have absolutely no way to send money to Canada that can actually be cashed , no international anything . I couldn 't believe it . I hope mom 's debit visa card comes in the mail real fast . We need it before the end of the month . The teller just looked at me funny and was like go to Canada for one . this was after I told her it was for my passport application . what a dip ! Sure , go to Canada , wait for your passport to be sent to our American home meanwhile we are stuck in Canada because you need a passport to get in the USA ! What brains ! Does she sit on them or what ? Some people ! Anyways , other than that beautiful experience , not much else going on as I have no students today . I have one tomorrow , the little guy . The Muglia girls will be helping me pass out more flyers . I haven 't had any answer to any of the ones I have sent out yet . I hope we hear something soon because you know what will happen . Besides , I need something to do ! It is really boring here . I know most of you have no idea what that is like and it probably sounds fun , but when you don 't have enough to do , you ache more because you can think about it more . When I am busy , I don 't ache as much because we are too busy ! Speaking of aching , my shoulder is not doing well right now . It hurts all night long even when I am not sleeping on that side so sleep is getting more difficult than usual . The knee is just stiff , not sore unless I am trying to straighten it after sitting . I think we are going to see Harry Potter again today . We need some good flicks ! I hope this finds you having a decent day ! Mom is obsessed with toothbrushes now . I mean on what to do with them when they are not in use . She has to wrap them in paper towels , which I hate . She also can not leave them on the counter which is the best place for them . She hid my toothbrush again this morning . I wish she would just leave them alone . She has since found my toothbrush and toothpaste but couldn 't put them on the counter in the bathroom , she is still holding hers because , oh my , can 't leave it where it does the most good . Oh no , must wrap and hide it . It wouldn 't be so bad if she just wrapped it , but she has so many stupid pieces of paper towel on her dresser that you can no longer see the dresser . it is a fire hazard and she is paranoid of fire . I can 't get her to remove the paper from her room even though she cries about fire . It is so frustrating ! I am ready to scream about it . I can 't get her to throw away any of the paper that would so make her room cleaner . She hordes it . That is not a very good thing to do . Our entire house is filled with stupid paper that she won 't let me throw away . So I try to throw some away when she 's not looking . But this toothbrush thing ! ! ! Pain level has been high since last night . My arm is very sore and my knee extremely stiff . It is very annoying , and since I am in an annoying mood , it makes my mood worse . I have one student today , I am glad about that ! Charlie will be here in a while for his lesson . The Muglia girls are going to sew on Friday and then let me know when they can pass out flyers . I hope to finish passing them out by next week and hopefully will get some calls . I haven 't heard anything since I first passed them out . Not good news there . I hope your day is better than mine . I had a new student this afternoon . Her name is Grace and she is 15 . She will be taking piano and voice , but because the books weren 't in when she went to get them and was told it would take weeks for them to come in , we only did piano which worked well . She also has her first writing assignment . I have two more lessons today , Bob is on vacation in Myrtle Beach , but Kayla and Rachel will be here so I am a happy camper today . I also have my fibro meeting tonight , but I don 't think I am going to go because it is a speaker on disability and I already have disability . I didn 't get the nap I wanted yesterday , Mom kept coming in my room every 3 to 5 minutes to see where I was . I finally just got up after a half hour . It wasn 't worth it . I tried to even have her sit in my room . She just hates to be downstairs by herself , I don 't know why . It would be peace and quiet for her but she hates it . She is afraid to be downstairs without me . She is actually afraid to be anywhere without me . She comes everywhere , and I mean everywhere with me . She would rather sleep in my room too , but fortunately there isn 't enough room in my room or in my bed for her . So she has to sleep in hers . I am glad for that . I don 't want to share a room with her . She sleeps with the light on now and I wouldn 't be able to sleep at all like that . My knee is very stiff now , it has gotten stiffer in the last few days , it doesn 't hurt so much as it is difficult to straighten or bend depending on what I need it to do . Annoying knee . I can only sleep on one side now in my bed because of the arm and the back . Difficult to sleep now . I am more tired than I was . My arm is okay today , right now but by nighttime it will be painful , I just took a pain pill about an hour ago so it has kicked in . Mom is too hot to go for a scooter tonight so we won 't be going , plus I haven 't fully decided whether or not to go to the meeting . We 'll see . The only reason I think I might , is Robin still has some of my music and I may get it back tonight . Maybe I will make plans to have luncPosted by I am now exhausted and ready for bed . Yup , it is 4 : 15pm and I am ready for bed . Katie and I passed out 100 flyers and then Mom and I went to Tim Hortons for lunch and it wiped me out . I have asked another Katie if she will help with the rest of the flyers , as I have about 300 more to pass out . Rachel is supposed to let me know tomorrow her schedule and to see when she can help . I haven 't heard from anyone would has gotten the flyers yet . I am hoping for 18 new students . I may need to pass out more flyers after I finish the 300 that are left . Not much happening this afternoon now . I have a new student tomorrow so I will be glad about that . She is 15 and is taking both piano and voice . I have never done both in 45 minutes before so we shall see how that works . As long as she does what she is supposed to it should work out okay . Better than having piano one week and voice the next . I think I will go and lay down now , I am falling asleep here while I am typing . Not a good idea ! Have a good night ! Emily was here today with her homecoming dress , I am going to be hemming it . It 's about 6 inches too long . She is just a tiny little thing . Not much to her at all . A perfect size 2 . Yup , I said size 2 . She is only sixteen after all . Another friend of mine 's granddaughter just got her homecoming dress . It isn 't as formal as Emily 's , but her crowd is more casual than Emily 's . Lily and Aggie both had their lessons today . Aggie is a sophomore at MSU and Lily is a sixth grader . She is also Emily 's little sister . Both are doing well , Lily finished two songs and started a new one . One of the older girls wants to sing a duet with Lily . They 'll sound nice together . Katie is coming over tomorrow to help pass out flyers . We going to the neighborhood at the top of my street . Should take a few hours to pass out about 100 of them . I am waiting for Rachel to let me know when she can come and help me . Her schedule is rather crazy with school and cross country running . Both Rachel and Katie are 16 and are junior in high school . Katie is also in a program for homeschoolers at the local community college . She is enjoying it . Pain is medium right now . My knee is very sore and stiff but my arm and shoulder are medium , so I guess only half is medium and the other is high . My head is medium too . I didn 't get much sleep last night , I couldn 't sleep so I got up and started reading . I have been rereading all the Harry Potter books , I am on book 3 again . I love those books . I know I have other books to read , but , well , when I am not feeling well I want an old friend to read like Harry Potter and pals . Maggie loaned me next month 's book club book . I started it the other day , seems to be good . I will finish it before book club so Katie can borrow it from Maggie and then Aggie can read it . I hope Jessie and the other Katie can come to book club . I passed the info to them so I hope they are reading the book . It was a great one . It was Kristin Chenoweth 's autobiography . It was so funny and light hearted to read . She has had an amazing career andPosted by Hard to believe it has been 8 years since 9 / 11 . To have that many people purposely killed . It just boggles the mind on how human beings want to kill each other just because of where they live , or what they believe . To think we have enemies based on our personal beliefs is so hard for me to believe . How can someone hate me because I have different beliefs than they do ? I don 't think I will ever understand that kind of hatred , never ever . Sleep was a smidge better last night . Mom kept coming in my room though asking me if I was ready to get up . She gets so bored in the morning but I have such poor sleep that if I get up earlier I will end taking a long nap in the afternoon . I don 't think she would be happy about that either . I have come to the realization that no matter what I do , unless I move my schedule to hers , she will not be happy . The chances of me being able to move her schedule is close to zip because I just don 't sleep well . Wait , if I can get decent sleep I would be able to . I don 't expect good sleep anymore . I expect a bad nights sleep every night . I am excited about a better night sleep , not a good night sleep . My arm and head are not doing well right now . I have taken a pain pill so I hope it improves soon . My left knee is bad again . I don 't know why it is sore , I didn 't do anything to it . At least I don 't remember doing anything to it . Sometimes it feels like it is about to give out on me . I haven 't had any light headiness since the other night so I am very happy about that . We will probably go to bed earlier tonight since I am so tired . With Mom interrupting me all morning , I didn 't get the same amount sleep as usual . Every time I rolled over she was in the room . We went to see All About Steve this afternoon . What a strange movie . I am not sure if I liked it or not . It was billed as a comedy yet parts were definitely not funny . The main character , Mary , falling into an abandoned mine is not funny , nor is the fact that the children who were originally in the mine one was left behind . Yes , she figured ouPosted by I woke up at about 3am this morning completely light headed and dizzy . I have not had this happen before . I was a little light headed the other night , but that quickly went away . When I woke up again , it was gone . ( thank God for that ! ! ! ! ) My knee also was ready to give out on me , another new thing . I often wonder why these things happen at night ? Why not during the day when you can call a doctor and go in ? No , of course not , they happen at night when nobody is in their office . I almost had to call for help from Mom to get to the bathroom , but I managed to hobble to it . I must of looked very funny though . Trying to walk with a leg that is not behaving and my head spinning around . I have a new little guy tonight . He is four and very excited about music . My favorite kind ! I am looking forward to this lesson . I have to wait until 6 : 30 for the lesson . Jennifer ( the Mom ) got my name from the gym 's community board . At least something good came out of the gym . We had to stop going because we can 't pay for it . It is just too expensive right now . How it works is that the membership is free but you still have to pay for maintenance fees and you have to pay them all up front . yeah , so much for a free membership . It just got too expensive for us with the rest of the bills we have to pay . Not much else going on here . Mom is falling asleep in her chair at the dining room table again . she does this often since when she sits still she falls asleep easily . It looks rather funny . I don 't know if we are going to go for a scooter later tonight , depends on how I feel after the lesson . I am falling asleep at the table here myself , so I think I will sign off and go take a nap . I have plenty of time before the lesson to take one . I hope by the end of the month , I will have an average of 4 or so students a night , more would be nice , but I am aiming for 4 . Have a great afternoon ! Pain level is high right now . My shoulder and arm are basically on fire . Or so it feels to me . My chest is sore today to . I have taken a pain pill so I hope it kicks in fast . I notice I am a bit grumpier when pain level is higher . Mom is too understanding at times . She just lets it roll right off her if I am grumpy to her . I should be glad about that but for some reason today it bugs me . Must be the grumpy butt in me . I am at least waking up a bit . I was soooooo tired earlier . I also was grumpy because I called Donna twice and she didn 't answer . I know , she was on the other line , but you know grumpies ! Mom is bored again , she gets bored rather easy and she is difficult to entertain since she can 't remember how to do anything . We aren 't watching TV like usual because they ( Hallmark channel ) took off my 7th Heaven . I love that show . They put Little House on the Prairie back on it its place , I like that show too but I have seen too much of it lately so we aren 't watching anything . I have one student after all today , Bob is making up his lesson that he missed on Monday . I am very happy about that . A lesson ! ! yeah ! I have my new little guy tomorrow . He is four and his name is Roman . He likes to sing too . A little young for singing lessons , but in a group he would be fine . I hope to have enough kids to form a little group to sing at the Christmas concert . I am going to be searching for Christmas music soon , I know hard to believe it is that time of year again . We have a subdivision meeting tonight so we won 't be scootering , also it doesn 't look to good out . I hope this finds you having a good day and enjoying fall . Rainy day today . Not that I really mind . We need the rain to make the garden ( okay - so ours are full of weeds ! ) grow . Kids started school this morning . Fall is here . My favorite season . I had my usual blood test this afternoon . Only took one time ! Woohoo ! I was very happy about that . I hate it when they have to take more than one time . I can clear a room of nurses by just walking in . Amazing how fast I can do that , it can be comical at times . Pain is medium for the arm and shoulder but my chest is not doing well . It aches horribly . It is making it a bit difficult to breathe properly . My jaw is also sore tonight . I hope it ends soon . No students today , I hope to hear from Bob so we can reschedule his lesson . I have no lessons tomorrow either because the Muglia family is ill so no sewing . We have a subdivision meeting tomorrow night . I am on the board . It can be interesting . We have had some problems in the sub this summer , someone tried to steal a car in the courts and some cars were broken into . Our car was egged . Not a pretty sight . We won 't be going out tonight , I am just not feeling up to it . I probably will watch TV and play with my Nintendo DS lite . I love that thing . It is very addicting . I hope this finds you having a good day and enjoying the first day of schools for your little ones if you are lucky enough to have some ! I had 4 students today , I was supposed to have 6 , but Peter was sick at the Muglia 's and Bob will be rescheduling for later this week , so that brought the number down to 4 . I am still happy I had 4 ! I won 't have the Muglia 's for lessons again until next month . They can only have lessons once a month - at least they still have lessons . After Kayla 's lesson we went to the Olive Garden . I learned what noodles Mom actually likes the best , I thought it was fettuccine , but it is the penne noodles . Hmm , even after all this time , I learn something new . We are now watching a Golden Girls marathon . Not much else going on tonight . I don 't have any lessons tomorrow because Charlie will be having a marching band practice that normally is on Monday , but because today is Labor Day , they will have practice Tuesday , the day of his lesson . Frank will be absent again , I think we have 3 more weeks of absences from Frank from his cracked wrist . I wonder how he is doing . I haven 't heard from him at all ( not that I really expected too ) . Tomorrow is the first day of school for all students . I hope they all enjoy it . I remember school , yuck . Glad I am not in school now . Pain level is medium , my arm and shoulder is doing alright except when I move it too much , then it kills . I have done it twice already this afternoon . I hope not to do it again tonight . It 's raining so no scootering tonight . Not that I really feel up to it . Hope you are having a great day and enjoying the holiday . A rather boring day . I took a nap this afternoon for about 2 hours . I could have slept longer but Mom kept coming in asking when I was planning to wake up . Not very usual when one is trying to sleep . She gets so bored and doesn 't mean to interrupt . She no longer likes to be downstairs alone . So now she is with me everywhere . She gets so nervous over little things . It frightens her when she gets hot flashes and she gets them a lot . They make her cry and freak out . We go through this at least 2 times a day . I don 't know what to do about it , I don 't think there is anything to do about it . We can 't afford to take her to the doctor , I don 't think it is anything serious . Pain level is medium as usual . My arm and shoulder and the head of course must join them . I had one student today , Katie . She is an every other week student . She is 16 years old and very excited about her new job at the library . She is excited because she proudly informed me she doesn 't need a scholarship for lessons any more . She can pay me for them . I didn 't mind giving her a scholarship , she works hard and practices and everything . But she was so proud when she told me she could pay for lessons again . I gave her a scholarship in April when her father lost his job . Instead of only having 1 lesson a month , she would have two and the second one would be a scholarship , I would so rather teach a lesson for a student like her then have her have to have even less lessons . This Saturday , Katie will be coming back to help me pass out more flyers . Rachel will be helping me too this week . Remember 18 new students is what I need . I have 400 more flyers to pass out . We aren 't going for a scooter this evening . I am feeling real tired so we will be going to bed rather early . I have to get up early tomorrow for the Muglia 's lessons ! I will have 6 lessons tomorrow . I am excited about that . Have a great evening . I didn 't sleep very well last night . I was up I think for most of it . I just couldn 't sleep , no reason , just couldn 't . Rather annoying to say the least . I am not as tired as I thought I would be though . Of course , it is only 1 : 30 in the afternoon ! I had one student today , Lily , she is 11 ( already ! ) she takes voice . She is doing pretty well with it and practices more than when she played the piano . One of the older girls wants to sing at Christmas with her . I think that will be neat . They will sound good together . It occurred to me last night ( when I couldn 't sleep ) that my older brother , Richard cannot handle my illness . When I was talking to him he said I sounded " better " . Well , I am not better , I sounded happy , that 's all and I was because I was talking to him . I read a blog this week ( a new one for me ) pointed out how people want her to be " better " and don 't realize that you can sound happy and not be better . That is Richard in a nutshell . He wants me to be better . Maybe someday he will realize this is better and this is what it is going to be . I have learned to live with my limitations ( most of the time ! ) so he will have to too . Pain isn 't so bad today . Even my arm is somewhat behaving ( for now anyway ) . My head is down to its dull roar and so is everything else . I am not sure if we are going to scooter today or not . Mom gets overheated so easy and it is sunny out so I don 't know if it is a good idea . She got extra hot yesterday when we went to CVS for our ticket . We didn 't get any numbers . We will try again for Tuesday . Tuesday I have to have my blood test , the one I managed to forget about this month . Because of the blood thinners , I have to have blood tests at least once a month , sometimes more depending on my blood . I hate blood tests ! They hurt too much . I did completely forget that I didn 't make the appointment for this one . Silly me , fibro fog ! I am going to pick out a movie for us now . Or a TV show . One or the other . Someday I hope to have a TV in the living room instead of on the kitchen table and we watcPosted by I am having a better day than yesterday . I talked to Richard , the big brother ! It 's his 45th birthday ! He he he ! I didn 't get to rub it in because he doesn 't have a good sense of humor ( except when he 's doing the teasing ! ) He sounded good though , I know he is stressed because in a few weeks his temp job will be over and he will be unemployed again . His kids , Abby and William are in school already ! Apparently they like their new teachers and are happy to see their friends , not happy to be in school , but seeing their friends . I miss them so much . Like Richard said , I have too much time on my hands and that makes me miss them even more . If Richard doesn 't find a new job in a few months I will ask him if Mom and I moving in will help . I checked the bank account and the deposit DID post , but I am not spending a dime until I know for sure it has gone through . I hope by next Thursday should be safe . We have a lot of bills to pay . Like so many in this country , we are struggling pretty bad . I have two new students that begin this week and next so that will add some more to our coffers . I need at least 8 more new ones but would like 18 more new ones . Then we will have some wiggle room and be able to pay our property taxes for 2009 that we haven 't paid yet . Pain kept me up a lot last night and this morning Mom kept coming in my room and asking me questions so that kept waking me up . finally at 12 : 15 she comes in and says didn 't I want to be up by noon ? Yeah , that was my cue to get up so I did . We then went to our usual Tim Horton 's for brunch and then grocery shopping . I have decided that I hate grocery shopping on a budget . But I did pretty well , 10 days worth of dinners for $ 40 . Most of the dinners are about $ 2 total for dinner . Not bad . We couldn 't get the Healthy Choice dinners because they cost too much , but we got dinners and that is what counts . I don 't think we are going to go out tonight . I am really tired and Mom is falling asleep next to me . It is only 4 : 15 but it feels more like 8 or 9 pm . I hope this finds you doPosted by I am very annoyed today . The disability check is memo posted . It may post tonight or tomorrow , but even then it may get sent back to social security because my name is no longer on the checking account . I had to take it off last Friday because of the Citibank incident . I spoke to a bank person and they can 't tell me when I should be able to pay bills with this money we desperately need . Anytime , it can be apparently sent back to the treasury . At that point , it will take 10 days before I get the paper check . The person 's behavior was like , oh well , it isn 't a big deal . Well it is to me . I have a house payment to pay , a car payment to pay , and other utilities , and oh yeah , the important thing known as food ! She was like , pretend that it is okay . Sure , take the chance that it is okay . That could only cause me a charge of $ 37 + additional fees every time something bounces . Yeah , like I can afford to take that kind of chance . Her attitude bugged me the most . It may not be a big deal to her , but it is a huge deal to us . Sometimes I envy Mom 's memory problem . She doesn 't even remember going to the bank . I have a big headache from all this . It 's just joining the arm and shoulder . I know I am not supposed to get so upset because it makes me ache more , but how could I not in this situation . I just feel like nothing is going right . Should I throw the towel in and beg Richard to let Mom and I to come and live with him ? I don 't know . I could just scream . I feel like telling the bank , fine , take the house and everything in it . Whatever ! I know Mom would be upset about it and I can 't take her upset . I also have not gotten my back disability yet . It was supposed to come in August , well , it is September now . I feel very low today , lower than Monday when I had my meltdown . I don 't know what to do now . As soon as I get my back disability I will be able to file for bankruptcy and then my name can go back on the bank account . It isn 't like Mom can really handle money anymore . She can barely sign her own name right now . Not a good situPosted by It 's Wednesday ! I feel alright right now . I picked up my darvacet and finally was able to take one after a week of no pain medication except for Tylenol . Tylenol doesn 't do a whole lot unless you take more than you are supposed , of course I did . During our usual Tim Horton 's visit , we met a young girl named Audra who was lost . She was supposed to meet some friends , and I think they don 't really know how to tell anyone how to get to their house . Anyway , she asked to borrow my phone because she didn 't have one , called them , and from what I could gather , they had no idea that 21 mile rd and mound do not meet because that is where they told her to meet them . Needless to say , she was lost and so were they . They told her that there were gas stations on the corner , that is not quite true , that would be at Hall Rd ( M - 59 ) and Van Dyke and the railroad tracks are about 1 / 2 mile west . So her friend mentioned Walmart and I told Audra we would take her to Walmart . She hopped in the car and we drove her , of course when we got there , no friends in sight . She called them again and no answer . I wasn 't going to just drop her off and leave , finally one of the friends called her back on my phone and they were inside the store . So off we left her . I hope she will be okay and have a great day . It is beautiful out so after 7th Heaven ( one of my favorite shows , but not my very favorite - that would be Stargate SG1 ! ) Mom and I will be going scootering ! It is lovely out so we will take the long trail . Mom usually enjoys it and loves the fresh air . I hope this weekend isn 't too hot because I plan to scooter a lot . I originally planned to take her to the zoo , but I have to wait until my disability comes in sometime this month . Not sure when that will happen . We shall see ! Pain is low right now in the shoulder , but the middle of the top part of my arm it is medium . My head is better since I took the pain meds . I hope this finds you doing well and enjoying your day . Had a major breakdown last night before going to bed . Surprisingly , Mom didn 't breakdown too . I was glad , usually she does and then I have to stuff it back in to make her stop crying . Didn 't have to last night . I apologized for ruining her credit , raising the amount we owe on the house , and basically financially ruining us . She doesn 't hold anything against me . I was so upset that my throat hurt from crying so hard . If we lose the house it is entirely my fault because she put herself in hock to help me buy the store . Yeah , great move on my part . A failing business that I thought I could turn around , I could have if the economy hadn 't dumped . Unfortunately , it ultimately doesn 't matter , because I did lose the store and I could single handily lose our house . I know it just things , and being with family is what matters , but it isn 't just my things we would be losing , it would be Mom 's things too . I lose other people 's stuff , not just my own . That is what gets me the most , I financially ruined Mom too , not just myself . I think I could feel better about this whole thing if it was just my stuff . Not that it matters too much now , it happened and it 's over . Feeling a bit better this morning . We went to the storage unit and told them when we would be able to catch up on August and September 's payments , ( because of the Citibank incident ) , well , we had better be able to pay by the end of the month or they auction off our stuff on October 21 . Great . Lovely news , nothing like losing everything in the unit . There are really only a few things in their I want , the rest is going to charity except for the business boxes from the store . One is Mom 's snow globe Richard and I got her from Disney a few years ago for Mother 's day . It is an awesome one . I also have a few pictures in boxes I would like . I finally got to sleep around 1am after I had to go downstairs ( without Mom - she wouldn 't wake up ! ) to go and get some more Tylenol . Pain level was really high last night , especially with the breakdown . Pain level is medium today . I am goiPosted by I teach music and sewing to the most amazing kids in the world . I like to read and do crafts in my spare time . I also love reading blogs about other peoples life . I hope you enjoy reading mine . I also have fibromyalgia and arthritis . |
We went grocery shopping this afternoon . I feel like I have run several major marathons . I also , naturally , in the middle of shopping , managed to hit my hand which jammed my sore shoulder on the door of the frozen foods . Yup , wasn 't that the brightest thing to do ? I amaze myself sometimes . I am so clumsy . So my arm is even more sore than it was before I started out this afternoon . My shoulder is just as sore and of course , my knee and head have to keep them company . Sometimes I just want to scream . This is one of those days . Other than shopping , there isn 't much to do today , no lessons . It is a good thing though since we went shopping . I usually go on days we don 't have much planned because it takes so much out of me . The weather is turning a bit colder now and the leaves are starting to change . It looks so pretty from our dining room window . We are heading to the bank now to make a deposit so my health insurance doesn 't bounce . Hope you are having a good day . I finished altering Emily 's dress . It was okay until I had to stand to measure the hem . That hurt a bit . I haven 't sewn much in a year since I made the dresses for Disney . I did okay , I am happy with most of the changes . I have one student left tonight . She is on her way . Frank was back for his lesson this afternoon . It was great to see and hear him again . He has been off for 7 weeks since he broke his wrist . He played quite well for not playing for 7 weeks . He did practice this week though . Charlie did well too . Both boys have homecoming this weekend and are going . ( they attend different schools ) My arm and shoulder are very sore again , I have an appointment to see my doctor in two weeks . I didn 't ask for the appointment , apparently I haven 't been in for an appointment for a year so he wants to see me . I will have him look at my arm and shoulder although I believe it is just fibro . We shall see . My knee will be checked out too . The left one is not doing as well as I would like . I don 't see the rheumatologist until October some time , so that is soon . It is dark now so we won 't be going to scooter . It gets darker earlier now so we are probably done scootering until spring unless we go on the weekends . I hope to pass out more flyers this week since I can 't pass them out at the schools . They don 't allow it . I was very disappointed at that . Well , Rachel should be here soon , so have a good evening ! ! I have 4 students today . I also got a call back from the school board person , they will not allow me to pass out flyers to the elementary school for lessons . They don 't allow anyone to do that . They just can 't endorse anyone . I wonder where our world has gone to . It is really annoying . So we are back to passing out flyers door to door . I haven 't had any results yet from that method . I can 't afford to put an ad in the newspaper because it costs about $ 500 per week . Oh well , I have people that are willing to help me pass out flyers . Maybe I will get someone that way . At least I have two new students this fall . My arm and shoulder are doing worse . My student is here so I have to go ! Have a great day ! Sam was over this morning to see if her homecoming dress needed to adjusted . It doesn 't . She wanted a ruffle changed but that would ruin the line of the dress as well the entire dress would have to taken apart and resewn . So I told her it was not possible to do . ( Because I am not ruining a dress ! ) She plans to wear tights on her legs , a tank top underneath the dress ( it will show ) and converse tennis shoes on her feet . Yeah . She will basically be inappropriately dressed . If it were my daughter she would not be going unless she was appropriately dressed meaning : black nylons on her legs with dress shoes and no tank top . But she isn 't my kid , so I guess her grandmother will let her go out looking like that . I tried to talk her out of the shoes , but she won 't budge . Her grandmother was trying to tell her she should wear dress shoes but she was laughing so the effect she wanted wasn 't there . I just don 't think it 's funny . She is going to embarrass herself . I will be fixing Emily 's dress today . She came over yesterday for the fitting . I want her to come back during the week in case it needs to be adjusted again . I don 't think it will , but better to be safe than sorry . I have to do laundry today too . I am running out of undies . Laundry is hard for me because I can 't reach everything in the washer to put in the dryer and I can 't stand up long enough to fold things out of the dryer , so Mom helps . She brings down the clothes and then puts them in the dryer for me . I hate doing laundry . Then again , I don 't know anyone who loves it . My cousin and family are in Disney World right now , so is one of my friends . I hope they have a great time . I love Disney ! ! ! ! ! ! I have been there about 13 times so far in my life . I hope to go again in 2 years with Kathy and her children . I had to give up my Disney points because we can 't afford them anymore . I was really sad over that . I tried so hard to hang on to them . We just don 't have enough money unless I win the lottery . Which , hey , you never know , it could happen . Boy would I be shocked iPosted by I ache a lot tonight . My arm has been pretty bad all day . Despite that , it was a good day . I had two lessons then book club . It was a great book club . We were discussing so many things as well as the book we read . I love book club . It is always an interesting conversation with all the topics we hit upon . After book club Emily came over to try on her dress so I can take the top in . The bones in the dress stick out too much and well , a taller person would get a show . Not good . She has had a bad week with her asthma . She has life threatening asthma and had been in the emergency room as well as the doctors office . Poor kid . She hasn 't slept well because of the medicine she is taking . What she needs is a really good night sleep but at this point she is so over tired that she can 't sleep . I hope this week is better for her . She is a really nice kid . I have known her since she was 6 , wow , it has been 10 years , I just realized that . Her sister is one of my students , Emily was , but she has advanced in piano so much that I couldn 't teach her anymore . I just love the day I had today ! ! ! ! It was wonderful despite the major pain . Tomorrow should be a busy day too as I plan to work on Emily 's dress and Aggie 's dress . Then Emily will come in the middle of the week to try on the dress again to see how it fits . I hope this finds you having a good day and enjoying fall . It is my favorite season . I am in a lot of pain today . My shoulder and arm are really burning . I am most unhappy about that . It was difficult going to the sewing class because it hurt so much , but the girls are very helpful and listen quite well . It is just not my day . Mom gets upset because there isn 't anything she can do to help . I am trying not to move the arm much so it won 't hurt so much . Not much more happening as I feel horrible and am in a lot of pain . I didn 't have Roman for a lesson yesterday . His mom called to cancel the lesson at about 4 pm . I was very disappointed because I was looking forward to the lesson , She is new so I wasn 't too angry about the late notice . It does happen . I have two lessons tomorrow morning and early afternoon as well as book club so I am looking forward to that . I hope I have a better day tomorrow and in less pain . I will be heading for bed early tonight and we won 't be scootering . I hope your day is much better than I . I had my blood test this morning . She had to poke me twice because the first time it didn 't work . I have very deep veins . I also got my flu shot too , so did Mom . She wasn 't very happy with me about that , but oh well , she needed one . My arm hurts even worse than usual because of the shot . I should have had her give it to me in the right arm , not the left but she did it so fast it didn 't occur to me how much it would hurt afterwards . I hope it will be a month before the next one . My arm and shoulder hurt a lot right now . I think I finally fell asleep about 4 am . I hurt so much that I couldn 't sleep . My right eye is sore too . It isn 't fair . That 's all I have to say about it . My friend , Donna , got lucky . Her doctor is going to be able to give her the medicine as an outpatient . He said it would be alright to do as long she remembers to give herself the medicine four times a day . I still think she should be in a hospital where she will be supervised with the medicine . I have little Roman tonight . He is so cute . He is four . He is doing alright for a 4 year old . I hope this finds you doing well . I had no students tonight . I had one yesterday , Charlie . Frank will be back next week . He broke his wrist about 6 weeks ago so he hasn 't had a lesson since . He got his cast off yesterday , so he will have his lesson next week . I am very happy about that . I talked to the a school board 's secretary this afternoon . I had to send a copy of my flyer that I would like to pass out to the local elementary schools . I don 't know if they will allow it , I hope so . It would really help me out if I can pass them out to the school children . I know that Rochester schools doesn 't allow it because they have their own after school program . I think Utica has one too , but I asked anyway . I hope to hear from her soon . My friend , Donna has a rare bone infection . Apparently it is really bad and she has been told she needs to be in the hospital . She refuses to go , says she can 't afford it and won 't do it . She told the doctor to treat her as an outpatient . To me , she is signing her own death warrant . I don 't understand her at all . She has been told that if she doesn 't get the medicine , she will die . I don 't get it , she is going to die if she doesn 't go into the hospital , but she won 't do it . Her husband basically is like , that is her problem . She had an appointment this afternoon . She said she would call me later . Pain level is medium high right now , but was really high this morning . My shoulder is not getting any better and at times , is worse . I wake up more than usual with pain , and then it takes a little bit to go back to sleep . I woke up late today and am very tired . I hope this finds you doing well . I had four students today ! Yeah ! It was a great day . I love days that I have a lot of students . It makes the day . My hope is that by the end of October , I will have 4 students Monday thru Thursday , and Saturday . That would be good . I can handle 4 a day . I think I can actually handle 6 a day , but I will begin with 4 . I am going to go to the elementary school and ask if they will pass out my flyers . I don 't think they will , but I am going to ask anyway , they can only say no . Saturday is book club and that is the day the Muglia girls were coming to pass out flyers , I will have to see if they can come a different day because of book club . We only meet once a month . But if I can pass them out at the school , I won 't need to pass anymore out ! We shall see . Mom enjoyed going to the first student 's lesson . She listens instead of doing her puzzles . She likes to watch the students have their lessons . She sits in on Kayla 's and Rachel 's lessons too . Actually , I think she watches almost all of the lessons . Grace had her first voice lesson this afternoon . She did quite well for the first lesson . Bob did okay on piano , he was having trouble with a few passages of his pieces that we went over and he did better on them . I am very pleased with how he is improving on the piano . I have to go to Evola 's to sign up for the Christmas concert . I want it the third Saturday or Sunday in December . The first two weekends are busy for a couple of the students and they don 't want to miss the concert , so we are going this week . It is rainyish out right now so we are not going out for a scooter and it is also very humid out . I don 't do well with the humidity . I am still waiting for my back disability . I hope it comes soon . I need to pay for the bankruptcy so I can get that taken care of . Then we can work on Mom 's bankruptcy . Houses right now are being sold for almost half of what they are worth ( the tax rate worth ) This will help Mom and I for the bankruptcy so I am not upset over that . We just need to get them taken care of and finished . Richard shPosted by We met our friend Donna for Tim Horton 's today . It was fun . She is a very nice lady . She also has a rare bone infection that she should really be in the hospital for but she won 't go because she can 't afford to pay what her insurance won 't pay for . Her husband has the money to pay but he won 't . He says that is her responsibility . I think that sucks the big one . I thought when you got married you shared everything including money . I guess he doesn 't care that she could die from this . I don 't understand their marriage at all . Unfortunately she can 't leave him because she has no money and no where to go . Her son and granddaughter live with them . It just makes me mad ! We spent about 2 1 / 2 hours at the restaurant drinking pop ( me ) , hot chocolate ( Mom ) , and coffee ( Donna ) . It is nice to pass the time with a friend . Now we are home and both Mom and I are bored again . I am going to put on Dr . Quinn Medicine Woman . Mom really likes the show and it keeps her from falling asleep her at the table . I am very tired today and my arm / shoulder is very sore . I moved it wrong putting on my jacket and it let me know . I had one lesson earlier and she did wonderful . We were working on something new and she hit notes she didn 't know she could hit clearly . She about fell over , Katie asked , " what was that ? " I replied , " You . " She was very shocked at the sound that came out of her mouth . It was really exciting because it gives a glimpse of what she will be able to do soon and that is so cool . I don 't know if we are going to scooter , I have to charge it , I don 't think we would get very far on it tonight . I hope this finds you doing well and enjoying your day ! I had one lesson today and that was it . Aggie is every other week so this was her off week . I have one student tomorrow and then 4 on Monday . I love Mondays with that many students ! Not much going on here , I am re - reading Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix for I have no idea how many times . We probably will watch Dr . Quinn Medicine Woman sometime later tonight . Weekends are so boring . Then again , weekdays aren 't much better either . Next Saturday the Muglia girls are going to come and pass out flyers . That will be fun . They are very busy today . The girls are so unhappy that school has started . Right now school doesn 't sound so bad at least there is something to do . But I do totally understand them , I hated school too . Unfortunately , I wasn 't homeschooled like they are . I would have liked that better . My arm is not doing well at all . I cannot get my jacket on without help anymore because I can 't really move the arm up now without massive pain . My knee is doing somewhat better , it isn 't as bad as it was earlier in the week . I am very tired today . I slept in too , so I shouldn 't be so tired , but I am . I hope you are having a good day . It was sewing day with the Muglia girls ! Hannah picked out her pattern and her material for her top to her skirt . She picked the easiest one . Hers is very straight forward and not complicated like her sisters . I also picked up my sewing machine from the repair person . $ 144 . 06 later , I have a machine that works . It better because the repair was so expensive . It is nice out , sunny and little cool . I am happy about that . We barely had the air conditioner on this summer so that saved on money . We are still behind in bills though and I am still waiting for my back disability to arrive . I hope it comes soon , we really need it to catch up on house bills . Not much going on her in the Paxton house tonight . I am very tired because I didn 't get enough sleep last night . Mom fell asleep before I was ready for bed and I was reading so I didn 't realize how late it was . I finally went in her room at 11 : 30 pm and saw her lying in bed . I had to wake her up to get my pajamas on because with my arm so bad I can 't get them on myself . Tonight I will make sure I am ready before she is , then it won 't happen again . She said she was so tired she just went to bed forgetting about me . First time that has ever happened . I have one lesson tomorrow , Lily . She moved her lesson time from 11 am to 1 pm . She had to move her lesson last week because Emily came to the lesson to try on her homecoming dress that I am shortening for her . Lily liked sleeping in so asked if she could have her lesson at 1 pm every week . I said no problem ! And it isn 't . Whatever works for Lily , works for me . I live to teach . Her mom at first was worried that it would break up my day , I said no problem . Whatever the kid wants works for me . We aren 't going out to scooter because we are both pooped . We 're just too tired to go so we will go tomorrow instead . I hope this finds you doing well and enjoying your day . We went to the IMAX to see Harry Potter , it is the third time we have seen the movie . It is a good movie and I didn 't want to be home today . I don 't really know why , sometimes I just don 't like to be home . I think we are here way way way too much without enough to do . I have one student this evening , little Roman so that is a good thing . The new season of Oprah is on , I haven 't seen one yet and they started on Monday . I was teaching during the time on Monday and Tuesday and yesterday we went to the Olive Garden for their never ending pasta bowls ( mind you one totally fills you up ! ! ! ! ) It was an alright day since I had no students . I haven 't heard anything from anyone I passed out flyers too . I am pretty disappointed about that . We all know what will happen if I don 't get new students soon . I am trying not to focus on that . Maybe that is what God wants Mom and I to do , live with Richard , but I don 't know . You know , a little more information from up above would be really helpful , I have never been able to figure out things unless they are direct . It will be too late when I finish my lesson to go for a scooter so we will go tomorrow . I hope this finds you doing well and having a good day . Not much to do now , we went to get our passport pictures taken . Oh my , you can 't smile in them or the passport people will send them back so we look horrible in the pictures . I don 't understand why you can 't smile - must have a neutral expression - okay whatever ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Then we went to the bank to get an international money order , only the banks don 't have them anymore . Yeah , tell me how that makes perfect sense ! They have absolutely no way to send money to Canada that can actually be cashed , no international anything . I couldn 't believe it . I hope mom 's debit visa card comes in the mail real fast . We need it before the end of the month . The teller just looked at me funny and was like go to Canada for one . this was after I told her it was for my passport application . what a dip ! Sure , go to Canada , wait for your passport to be sent to our American home meanwhile we are stuck in Canada because you need a passport to get in the USA ! What brains ! Does she sit on them or what ? Some people ! Anyways , other than that beautiful experience , not much else going on as I have no students today . I have one tomorrow , the little guy . The Muglia girls will be helping me pass out more flyers . I haven 't had any answer to any of the ones I have sent out yet . I hope we hear something soon because you know what will happen . Besides , I need something to do ! It is really boring here . I know most of you have no idea what that is like and it probably sounds fun , but when you don 't have enough to do , you ache more because you can think about it more . When I am busy , I don 't ache as much because we are too busy ! Speaking of aching , my shoulder is not doing well right now . It hurts all night long even when I am not sleeping on that side so sleep is getting more difficult than usual . The knee is just stiff , not sore unless I am trying to straighten it after sitting . I think we are going to see Harry Potter again today . We need some good flicks ! I hope this finds you having a decent day ! Mom is obsessed with toothbrushes now . I mean on what to do with them when they are not in use . She has to wrap them in paper towels , which I hate . She also can not leave them on the counter which is the best place for them . She hid my toothbrush again this morning . I wish she would just leave them alone . She has since found my toothbrush and toothpaste but couldn 't put them on the counter in the bathroom , she is still holding hers because , oh my , can 't leave it where it does the most good . Oh no , must wrap and hide it . It wouldn 't be so bad if she just wrapped it , but she has so many stupid pieces of paper towel on her dresser that you can no longer see the dresser . it is a fire hazard and she is paranoid of fire . I can 't get her to remove the paper from her room even though she cries about fire . It is so frustrating ! I am ready to scream about it . I can 't get her to throw away any of the paper that would so make her room cleaner . She hordes it . That is not a very good thing to do . Our entire house is filled with stupid paper that she won 't let me throw away . So I try to throw some away when she 's not looking . But this toothbrush thing ! ! ! Pain level has been high since last night . My arm is very sore and my knee extremely stiff . It is very annoying , and since I am in an annoying mood , it makes my mood worse . I have one student today , I am glad about that ! Charlie will be here in a while for his lesson . The Muglia girls are going to sew on Friday and then let me know when they can pass out flyers . I hope to finish passing them out by next week and hopefully will get some calls . I haven 't heard anything since I first passed them out . Not good news there . I hope your day is better than mine . I had a new student this afternoon . Her name is Grace and she is 15 . She will be taking piano and voice , but because the books weren 't in when she went to get them and was told it would take weeks for them to come in , we only did piano which worked well . She also has her first writing assignment . I have two more lessons today , Bob is on vacation in Myrtle Beach , but Kayla and Rachel will be here so I am a happy camper today . I also have my fibro meeting tonight , but I don 't think I am going to go because it is a speaker on disability and I already have disability . I didn 't get the nap I wanted yesterday , Mom kept coming in my room every 3 to 5 minutes to see where I was . I finally just got up after a half hour . It wasn 't worth it . I tried to even have her sit in my room . She just hates to be downstairs by herself , I don 't know why . It would be peace and quiet for her but she hates it . She is afraid to be downstairs without me . She is actually afraid to be anywhere without me . She comes everywhere , and I mean everywhere with me . She would rather sleep in my room too , but fortunately there isn 't enough room in my room or in my bed for her . So she has to sleep in hers . I am glad for that . I don 't want to share a room with her . She sleeps with the light on now and I wouldn 't be able to sleep at all like that . My knee is very stiff now , it has gotten stiffer in the last few days , it doesn 't hurt so much as it is difficult to straighten or bend depending on what I need it to do . Annoying knee . I can only sleep on one side now in my bed because of the arm and the back . Difficult to sleep now . I am more tired than I was . My arm is okay today , right now but by nighttime it will be painful , I just took a pain pill about an hour ago so it has kicked in . Mom is too hot to go for a scooter tonight so we won 't be going , plus I haven 't fully decided whether or not to go to the meeting . We 'll see . The only reason I think I might , is Robin still has some of my music and I may get it back tonight . Maybe I will make plans to have luncPosted by I am now exhausted and ready for bed . Yup , it is 4 : 15pm and I am ready for bed . Katie and I passed out 100 flyers and then Mom and I went to Tim Hortons for lunch and it wiped me out . I have asked another Katie if she will help with the rest of the flyers , as I have about 300 more to pass out . Rachel is supposed to let me know tomorrow her schedule and to see when she can help . I haven 't heard from anyone would has gotten the flyers yet . I am hoping for 18 new students . I may need to pass out more flyers after I finish the 300 that are left . Not much happening this afternoon now . I have a new student tomorrow so I will be glad about that . She is 15 and is taking both piano and voice . I have never done both in 45 minutes before so we shall see how that works . As long as she does what she is supposed to it should work out okay . Better than having piano one week and voice the next . I think I will go and lay down now , I am falling asleep here while I am typing . Not a good idea ! Have a good night ! Emily was here today with her homecoming dress , I am going to be hemming it . It 's about 6 inches too long . She is just a tiny little thing . Not much to her at all . A perfect size 2 . Yup , I said size 2 . She is only sixteen after all . Another friend of mine 's granddaughter just got her homecoming dress . It isn 't as formal as Emily 's , but her crowd is more casual than Emily 's . Lily and Aggie both had their lessons today . Aggie is a sophomore at MSU and Lily is a sixth grader . She is also Emily 's little sister . Both are doing well , Lily finished two songs and started a new one . One of the older girls wants to sing a duet with Lily . They 'll sound nice together . Katie is coming over tomorrow to help pass out flyers . We going to the neighborhood at the top of my street . Should take a few hours to pass out about 100 of them . I am waiting for Rachel to let me know when she can come and help me . Her schedule is rather crazy with school and cross country running . Both Rachel and Katie are 16 and are junior in high school . Katie is also in a program for homeschoolers at the local community college . She is enjoying it . Pain is medium right now . My knee is very sore and stiff but my arm and shoulder are medium , so I guess only half is medium and the other is high . My head is medium too . I didn 't get much sleep last night , I couldn 't sleep so I got up and started reading . I have been rereading all the Harry Potter books , I am on book 3 again . I love those books . I know I have other books to read , but , well , when I am not feeling well I want an old friend to read like Harry Potter and pals . Maggie loaned me next month 's book club book . I started it the other day , seems to be good . I will finish it before book club so Katie can borrow it from Maggie and then Aggie can read it . I hope Jessie and the other Katie can come to book club . I passed the info to them so I hope they are reading the book . It was a great one . It was Kristin Chenoweth 's autobiography . It was so funny and light hearted to read . She has had an amazing career andPosted by Hard to believe it has been 8 years since 9 / 11 . To have that many people purposely killed . It just boggles the mind on how human beings want to kill each other just because of where they live , or what they believe . To think we have enemies based on our personal beliefs is so hard for me to believe . How can someone hate me because I have different beliefs than they do ? I don 't think I will ever understand that kind of hatred , never ever . Sleep was a smidge better last night . Mom kept coming in my room though asking me if I was ready to get up . She gets so bored in the morning but I have such poor sleep that if I get up earlier I will end taking a long nap in the afternoon . I don 't think she would be happy about that either . I have come to the realization that no matter what I do , unless I move my schedule to hers , she will not be happy . The chances of me being able to move her schedule is close to zip because I just don 't sleep well . Wait , if I can get decent sleep I would be able to . I don 't expect good sleep anymore . I expect a bad nights sleep every night . I am excited about a better night sleep , not a good night sleep . My arm and head are not doing well right now . I have taken a pain pill so I hope it improves soon . My left knee is bad again . I don 't know why it is sore , I didn 't do anything to it . At least I don 't remember doing anything to it . Sometimes it feels like it is about to give out on me . I haven 't had any light headiness since the other night so I am very happy about that . We will probably go to bed earlier tonight since I am so tired . With Mom interrupting me all morning , I didn 't get the same amount sleep as usual . Every time I rolled over she was in the room . We went to see All About Steve this afternoon . What a strange movie . I am not sure if I liked it or not . It was billed as a comedy yet parts were definitely not funny . The main character , Mary , falling into an abandoned mine is not funny , nor is the fact that the children who were originally in the mine one was left behind . Yes , she figured ouPosted by I woke up at about 3am this morning completely light headed and dizzy . I have not had this happen before . I was a little light headed the other night , but that quickly went away . When I woke up again , it was gone . ( thank God for that ! ! ! ! ) My knee also was ready to give out on me , another new thing . I often wonder why these things happen at night ? Why not during the day when you can call a doctor and go in ? No , of course not , they happen at night when nobody is in their office . I almost had to call for help from Mom to get to the bathroom , but I managed to hobble to it . I must of looked very funny though . Trying to walk with a leg that is not behaving and my head spinning around . I have a new little guy tonight . He is four and very excited about music . My favorite kind ! I am looking forward to this lesson . I have to wait until 6 : 30 for the lesson . Jennifer ( the Mom ) got my name from the gym 's community board . At least something good came out of the gym . We had to stop going because we can 't pay for it . It is just too expensive right now . How it works is that the membership is free but you still have to pay for maintenance fees and you have to pay them all up front . yeah , so much for a free membership . It just got too expensive for us with the rest of the bills we have to pay . Not much else going on here . Mom is falling asleep in her chair at the dining room table again . she does this often since when she sits still she falls asleep easily . It looks rather funny . I don 't know if we are going to go for a scooter later tonight , depends on how I feel after the lesson . I am falling asleep at the table here myself , so I think I will sign off and go take a nap . I have plenty of time before the lesson to take one . I hope by the end of the month , I will have an average of 4 or so students a night , more would be nice , but I am aiming for 4 . Have a great afternoon ! Pain level is high right now . My shoulder and arm are basically on fire . Or so it feels to me . My chest is sore today to . I have taken a pain pill so I hope it kicks in fast . I notice I am a bit grumpier when pain level is higher . Mom is too understanding at times . She just lets it roll right off her if I am grumpy to her . I should be glad about that but for some reason today it bugs me . Must be the grumpy butt in me . I am at least waking up a bit . I was soooooo tired earlier . I also was grumpy because I called Donna twice and she didn 't answer . I know , she was on the other line , but you know grumpies ! Mom is bored again , she gets bored rather easy and she is difficult to entertain since she can 't remember how to do anything . We aren 't watching TV like usual because they ( Hallmark channel ) took off my 7th Heaven . I love that show . They put Little House on the Prairie back on it its place , I like that show too but I have seen too much of it lately so we aren 't watching anything . I have one student after all today , Bob is making up his lesson that he missed on Monday . I am very happy about that . A lesson ! ! yeah ! I have my new little guy tomorrow . He is four and his name is Roman . He likes to sing too . A little young for singing lessons , but in a group he would be fine . I hope to have enough kids to form a little group to sing at the Christmas concert . I am going to be searching for Christmas music soon , I know hard to believe it is that time of year again . We have a subdivision meeting tonight so we won 't be scootering , also it doesn 't look to good out . I hope this finds you having a good day and enjoying fall . Rainy day today . Not that I really mind . We need the rain to make the garden ( okay - so ours are full of weeds ! ) grow . Kids started school this morning . Fall is here . My favorite season . I had my usual blood test this afternoon . Only took one time ! Woohoo ! I was very happy about that . I hate it when they have to take more than one time . I can clear a room of nurses by just walking in . Amazing how fast I can do that , it can be comical at times . Pain is medium for the arm and shoulder but my chest is not doing well . It aches horribly . It is making it a bit difficult to breathe properly . My jaw is also sore tonight . I hope it ends soon . No students today , I hope to hear from Bob so we can reschedule his lesson . I have no lessons tomorrow either because the Muglia family is ill so no sewing . We have a subdivision meeting tomorrow night . I am on the board . It can be interesting . We have had some problems in the sub this summer , someone tried to steal a car in the courts and some cars were broken into . Our car was egged . Not a pretty sight . We won 't be going out tonight , I am just not feeling up to it . I probably will watch TV and play with my Nintendo DS lite . I love that thing . It is very addicting . I hope this finds you having a good day and enjoying the first day of schools for your little ones if you are lucky enough to have some ! I had 4 students today , I was supposed to have 6 , but Peter was sick at the Muglia 's and Bob will be rescheduling for later this week , so that brought the number down to 4 . I am still happy I had 4 ! I won 't have the Muglia 's for lessons again until next month . They can only have lessons once a month - at least they still have lessons . After Kayla 's lesson we went to the Olive Garden . I learned what noodles Mom actually likes the best , I thought it was fettuccine , but it is the penne noodles . Hmm , even after all this time , I learn something new . We are now watching a Golden Girls marathon . Not much else going on tonight . I don 't have any lessons tomorrow because Charlie will be having a marching band practice that normally is on Monday , but because today is Labor Day , they will have practice Tuesday , the day of his lesson . Frank will be absent again , I think we have 3 more weeks of absences from Frank from his cracked wrist . I wonder how he is doing . I haven 't heard from him at all ( not that I really expected too ) . Tomorrow is the first day of school for all students . I hope they all enjoy it . I remember school , yuck . Glad I am not in school now . Pain level is medium , my arm and shoulder is doing alright except when I move it too much , then it kills . I have done it twice already this afternoon . I hope not to do it again tonight . It 's raining so no scootering tonight . Not that I really feel up to it . Hope you are having a great day and enjoying the holiday . A rather boring day . I took a nap this afternoon for about 2 hours . I could have slept longer but Mom kept coming in asking when I was planning to wake up . Not very usual when one is trying to sleep . She gets so bored and doesn 't mean to interrupt . She no longer likes to be downstairs alone . So now she is with me everywhere . She gets so nervous over little things . It frightens her when she gets hot flashes and she gets them a lot . They make her cry and freak out . We go through this at least 2 times a day . I don 't know what to do about it , I don 't think there is anything to do about it . We can 't afford to take her to the doctor , I don 't think it is anything serious . Pain level is medium as usual . My arm and shoulder and the head of course must join them . I had one student today , Katie . She is an every other week student . She is 16 years old and very excited about her new job at the library . She is excited because she proudly informed me she doesn 't need a scholarship for lessons any more . She can pay me for them . I didn 't mind giving her a scholarship , she works hard and practices and everything . But she was so proud when she told me she could pay for lessons again . I gave her a scholarship in April when her father lost his job . Instead of only having 1 lesson a month , she would have two and the second one would be a scholarship , I would so rather teach a lesson for a student like her then have her have to have even less lessons . This Saturday , Katie will be coming back to help me pass out more flyers . Rachel will be helping me too this week . Remember 18 new students is what I need . I have 400 more flyers to pass out . We aren 't going for a scooter this evening . I am feeling real tired so we will be going to bed rather early . I have to get up early tomorrow for the Muglia 's lessons ! I will have 6 lessons tomorrow . I am excited about that . Have a great evening . I didn 't sleep very well last night . I was up I think for most of it . I just couldn 't sleep , no reason , just couldn 't . Rather annoying to say the least . I am not as tired as I thought I would be though . Of course , it is only 1 : 30 in the afternoon ! I had one student today , Lily , she is 11 ( already ! ) she takes voice . She is doing pretty well with it and practices more than when she played the piano . One of the older girls wants to sing at Christmas with her . I think that will be neat . They will sound good together . It occurred to me last night ( when I couldn 't sleep ) that my older brother , Richard cannot handle my illness . When I was talking to him he said I sounded " better " . Well , I am not better , I sounded happy , that 's all and I was because I was talking to him . I read a blog this week ( a new one for me ) pointed out how people want her to be " better " and don 't realize that you can sound happy and not be better . That is Richard in a nutshell . He wants me to be better . Maybe someday he will realize this is better and this is what it is going to be . I have learned to live with my limitations ( most of the time ! ) so he will have to too . Pain isn 't so bad today . Even my arm is somewhat behaving ( for now anyway ) . My head is down to its dull roar and so is everything else . I am not sure if we are going to scooter today or not . Mom gets overheated so easy and it is sunny out so I don 't know if it is a good idea . She got extra hot yesterday when we went to CVS for our ticket . We didn 't get any numbers . We will try again for Tuesday . Tuesday I have to have my blood test , the one I managed to forget about this month . Because of the blood thinners , I have to have blood tests at least once a month , sometimes more depending on my blood . I hate blood tests ! They hurt too much . I did completely forget that I didn 't make the appointment for this one . Silly me , fibro fog ! I am going to pick out a movie for us now . Or a TV show . One or the other . Someday I hope to have a TV in the living room instead of on the kitchen table and we watcPosted by I am having a better day than yesterday . I talked to Richard , the big brother ! It 's his 45th birthday ! He he he ! I didn 't get to rub it in because he doesn 't have a good sense of humor ( except when he 's doing the teasing ! ) He sounded good though , I know he is stressed because in a few weeks his temp job will be over and he will be unemployed again . His kids , Abby and William are in school already ! Apparently they like their new teachers and are happy to see their friends , not happy to be in school , but seeing their friends . I miss them so much . Like Richard said , I have too much time on my hands and that makes me miss them even more . If Richard doesn 't find a new job in a few months I will ask him if Mom and I moving in will help . I checked the bank account and the deposit DID post , but I am not spending a dime until I know for sure it has gone through . I hope by next Thursday should be safe . We have a lot of bills to pay . Like so many in this country , we are struggling pretty bad . I have two new students that begin this week and next so that will add some more to our coffers . I need at least 8 more new ones but would like 18 more new ones . Then we will have some wiggle room and be able to pay our property taxes for 2009 that we haven 't paid yet . Pain kept me up a lot last night and this morning Mom kept coming in my room and asking me questions so that kept waking me up . finally at 12 : 15 she comes in and says didn 't I want to be up by noon ? Yeah , that was my cue to get up so I did . We then went to our usual Tim Horton 's for brunch and then grocery shopping . I have decided that I hate grocery shopping on a budget . But I did pretty well , 10 days worth of dinners for $ 40 . Most of the dinners are about $ 2 total for dinner . Not bad . We couldn 't get the Healthy Choice dinners because they cost too much , but we got dinners and that is what counts . I don 't think we are going to go out tonight . I am really tired and Mom is falling asleep next to me . It is only 4 : 15 but it feels more like 8 or 9 pm . I hope this finds you doPosted by I am very annoyed today . The disability check is memo posted . It may post tonight or tomorrow , but even then it may get sent back to social security because my name is no longer on the checking account . I had to take it off last Friday because of the Citibank incident . I spoke to a bank person and they can 't tell me when I should be able to pay bills with this money we desperately need . Anytime , it can be apparently sent back to the treasury . At that point , it will take 10 days before I get the paper check . The person 's behavior was like , oh well , it isn 't a big deal . Well it is to me . I have a house payment to pay , a car payment to pay , and other utilities , and oh yeah , the important thing known as food ! She was like , pretend that it is okay . Sure , take the chance that it is okay . That could only cause me a charge of $ 37 + additional fees every time something bounces . Yeah , like I can afford to take that kind of chance . Her attitude bugged me the most . It may not be a big deal to her , but it is a huge deal to us . Sometimes I envy Mom 's memory problem . She doesn 't even remember going to the bank . I have a big headache from all this . It 's just joining the arm and shoulder . I know I am not supposed to get so upset because it makes me ache more , but how could I not in this situation . I just feel like nothing is going right . Should I throw the towel in and beg Richard to let Mom and I to come and live with him ? I don 't know . I could just scream . I feel like telling the bank , fine , take the house and everything in it . Whatever ! I know Mom would be upset about it and I can 't take her upset . I also have not gotten my back disability yet . It was supposed to come in August , well , it is September now . I feel very low today , lower than Monday when I had my meltdown . I don 't know what to do now . As soon as I get my back disability I will be able to file for bankruptcy and then my name can go back on the bank account . It isn 't like Mom can really handle money anymore . She can barely sign her own name right now . Not a good situPosted by It 's Wednesday ! I feel alright right now . I picked up my darvacet and finally was able to take one after a week of no pain medication except for Tylenol . Tylenol doesn 't do a whole lot unless you take more than you are supposed , of course I did . During our usual Tim Horton 's visit , we met a young girl named Audra who was lost . She was supposed to meet some friends , and I think they don 't really know how to tell anyone how to get to their house . Anyway , she asked to borrow my phone because she didn 't have one , called them , and from what I could gather , they had no idea that 21 mile rd and mound do not meet because that is where they told her to meet them . Needless to say , she was lost and so were they . They told her that there were gas stations on the corner , that is not quite true , that would be at Hall Rd ( M - 59 ) and Van Dyke and the railroad tracks are about 1 / 2 mile west . So her friend mentioned Walmart and I told Audra we would take her to Walmart . She hopped in the car and we drove her , of course when we got there , no friends in sight . She called them again and no answer . I wasn 't going to just drop her off and leave , finally one of the friends called her back on my phone and they were inside the store . So off we left her . I hope she will be okay and have a great day . It is beautiful out so after 7th Heaven ( one of my favorite shows , but not my very favorite - that would be Stargate SG1 ! ) Mom and I will be going scootering ! It is lovely out so we will take the long trail . Mom usually enjoys it and loves the fresh air . I hope this weekend isn 't too hot because I plan to scooter a lot . I originally planned to take her to the zoo , but I have to wait until my disability comes in sometime this month . Not sure when that will happen . We shall see ! Pain is low right now in the shoulder , but the middle of the top part of my arm it is medium . My head is better since I took the pain meds . I hope this finds you doing well and enjoying your day . Had a major breakdown last night before going to bed . Surprisingly , Mom didn 't breakdown too . I was glad , usually she does and then I have to stuff it back in to make her stop crying . Didn 't have to last night . I apologized for ruining her credit , raising the amount we owe on the house , and basically financially ruining us . She doesn 't hold anything against me . I was so upset that my throat hurt from crying so hard . If we lose the house it is entirely my fault because she put herself in hock to help me buy the store . Yeah , great move on my part . A failing business that I thought I could turn around , I could have if the economy hadn 't dumped . Unfortunately , it ultimately doesn 't matter , because I did lose the store and I could single handily lose our house . I know it just things , and being with family is what matters , but it isn 't just my things we would be losing , it would be Mom 's things too . I lose other people 's stuff , not just my own . That is what gets me the most , I financially ruined Mom too , not just myself . I think I could feel better about this whole thing if it was just my stuff . Not that it matters too much now , it happened and it 's over . Feeling a bit better this morning . We went to the storage unit and told them when we would be able to catch up on August and September 's payments , ( because of the Citibank incident ) , well , we had better be able to pay by the end of the month or they auction off our stuff on October 21 . Great . Lovely news , nothing like losing everything in the unit . There are really only a few things in their I want , the rest is going to charity except for the business boxes from the store . One is Mom 's snow globe Richard and I got her from Disney a few years ago for Mother 's day . It is an awesome one . I also have a few pictures in boxes I would like . I finally got to sleep around 1am after I had to go downstairs ( without Mom - she wouldn 't wake up ! ) to go and get some more Tylenol . Pain level was really high last night , especially with the breakdown . Pain level is medium today . I am goiPosted by I teach music and sewing to the most amazing kids in the world . I like to read and do crafts in my spare time . I also love reading blogs about other peoples life . I hope you enjoy reading mine . I also have fibromyalgia and arthritis . |
We went grocery shopping this afternoon . I feel like I have run several major marathons . I also , naturally , in the middle of shopping , managed to hit my hand which jammed my sore shoulder on the door of the frozen foods . Yup , wasn 't that the brightest thing to do ? I amaze myself sometimes . I am so clumsy . So my arm is even more sore than it was before I started out this afternoon . My shoulder is just as sore and of course , my knee and head have to keep them company . Sometimes I just want to scream . This is one of those days . Other than shopping , there isn 't much to do today , no lessons . It is a good thing though since we went shopping . I usually go on days we don 't have much planned because it takes so much out of me . The weather is turning a bit colder now and the leaves are starting to change . It looks so pretty from our dining room window . We are heading to the bank now to make a deposit so my health insurance doesn 't bounce . Hope you are having a good day . I finished altering Emily 's dress . It was okay until I had to stand to measure the hem . That hurt a bit . I haven 't sewn much in a year since I made the dresses for Disney . I did okay , I am happy with most of the changes . I have one student left tonight . She is on her way . Frank was back for his lesson this afternoon . It was great to see and hear him again . He has been off for 7 weeks since he broke his wrist . He played quite well for not playing for 7 weeks . He did practice this week though . Charlie did well too . Both boys have homecoming this weekend and are going . ( they attend different schools ) My arm and shoulder are very sore again , I have an appointment to see my doctor in two weeks . I didn 't ask for the appointment , apparently I haven 't been in for an appointment for a year so he wants to see me . I will have him look at my arm and shoulder although I believe it is just fibro . We shall see . My knee will be checked out too . The left one is not doing as well as I would like . I don 't see the rheumatologist until October some time , so that is soon . It is dark now so we won 't be going to scooter . It gets darker earlier now so we are probably done scootering until spring unless we go on the weekends . I hope to pass out more flyers this week since I can 't pass them out at the schools . They don 't allow it . I was very disappointed at that . Well , Rachel should be here soon , so have a good evening ! ! I have 4 students today . I also got a call back from the school board person , they will not allow me to pass out flyers to the elementary school for lessons . They don 't allow anyone to do that . They just can 't endorse anyone . I wonder where our world has gone to . It is really annoying . So we are back to passing out flyers door to door . I haven 't had any results yet from that method . I can 't afford to put an ad in the newspaper because it costs about $ 500 per week . Oh well , I have people that are willing to help me pass out flyers . Maybe I will get someone that way . At least I have two new students this fall . My arm and shoulder are doing worse . My student is here so I have to go ! Have a great day ! Sam was over this morning to see if her homecoming dress needed to adjusted . It doesn 't . She wanted a ruffle changed but that would ruin the line of the dress as well the entire dress would have to taken apart and resewn . So I told her it was not possible to do . ( Because I am not ruining a dress ! ) She plans to wear tights on her legs , a tank top underneath the dress ( it will show ) and converse tennis shoes on her feet . Yeah . She will basically be inappropriately dressed . If it were my daughter she would not be going unless she was appropriately dressed meaning : black nylons on her legs with dress shoes and no tank top . But she isn 't my kid , so I guess her grandmother will let her go out looking like that . I tried to talk her out of the shoes , but she won 't budge . Her grandmother was trying to tell her she should wear dress shoes but she was laughing so the effect she wanted wasn 't there . I just don 't think it 's funny . She is going to embarrass herself . I will be fixing Emily 's dress today . She came over yesterday for the fitting . I want her to come back during the week in case it needs to be adjusted again . I don 't think it will , but better to be safe than sorry . I have to do laundry today too . I am running out of undies . Laundry is hard for me because I can 't reach everything in the washer to put in the dryer and I can 't stand up long enough to fold things out of the dryer , so Mom helps . She brings down the clothes and then puts them in the dryer for me . I hate doing laundry . Then again , I don 't know anyone who loves it . My cousin and family are in Disney World right now , so is one of my friends . I hope they have a great time . I love Disney ! ! ! ! ! ! I have been there about 13 times so far in my life . I hope to go again in 2 years with Kathy and her children . I had to give up my Disney points because we can 't afford them anymore . I was really sad over that . I tried so hard to hang on to them . We just don 't have enough money unless I win the lottery . Which , hey , you never know , it could happen . Boy would I be shocked iPosted by I ache a lot tonight . My arm has been pretty bad all day . Despite that , it was a good day . I had two lessons then book club . It was a great book club . We were discussing so many things as well as the book we read . I love book club . It is always an interesting conversation with all the topics we hit upon . After book club Emily came over to try on her dress so I can take the top in . The bones in the dress stick out too much and well , a taller person would get a show . Not good . She has had a bad week with her asthma . She has life threatening asthma and had been in the emergency room as well as the doctors office . Poor kid . She hasn 't slept well because of the medicine she is taking . What she needs is a really good night sleep but at this point she is so over tired that she can 't sleep . I hope this week is better for her . She is a really nice kid . I have known her since she was 6 , wow , it has been 10 years , I just realized that . Her sister is one of my students , Emily was , but she has advanced in piano so much that I couldn 't teach her anymore . I just love the day I had today ! ! ! ! It was wonderful despite the major pain . Tomorrow should be a busy day too as I plan to work on Emily 's dress and Aggie 's dress . Then Emily will come in the middle of the week to try on the dress again to see how it fits . I hope this finds you having a good day and enjoying fall . It is my favorite season . I am in a lot of pain today . My shoulder and arm are really burning . I am most unhappy about that . It was difficult going to the sewing class because it hurt so much , but the girls are very helpful and listen quite well . It is just not my day . Mom gets upset because there isn 't anything she can do to help . I am trying not to move the arm much so it won 't hurt so much . Not much more happening as I feel horrible and am in a lot of pain . I didn 't have Roman for a lesson yesterday . His mom called to cancel the lesson at about 4 pm . I was very disappointed because I was looking forward to the lesson , She is new so I wasn 't too angry about the late notice . It does happen . I have two lessons tomorrow morning and early afternoon as well as book club so I am looking forward to that . I hope I have a better day tomorrow and in less pain . I will be heading for bed early tonight and we won 't be scootering . I hope your day is much better than I . I had my blood test this morning . She had to poke me twice because the first time it didn 't work . I have very deep veins . I also got my flu shot too , so did Mom . She wasn 't very happy with me about that , but oh well , she needed one . My arm hurts even worse than usual because of the shot . I should have had her give it to me in the right arm , not the left but she did it so fast it didn 't occur to me how much it would hurt afterwards . I hope it will be a month before the next one . My arm and shoulder hurt a lot right now . I think I finally fell asleep about 4 am . I hurt so much that I couldn 't sleep . My right eye is sore too . It isn 't fair . That 's all I have to say about it . My friend , Donna , got lucky . Her doctor is going to be able to give her the medicine as an outpatient . He said it would be alright to do as long she remembers to give herself the medicine four times a day . I still think she should be in a hospital where she will be supervised with the medicine . I have little Roman tonight . He is so cute . He is four . He is doing alright for a 4 year old . I hope this finds you doing well . I had no students tonight . I had one yesterday , Charlie . Frank will be back next week . He broke his wrist about 6 weeks ago so he hasn 't had a lesson since . He got his cast off yesterday , so he will have his lesson next week . I am very happy about that . I talked to the a school board 's secretary this afternoon . I had to send a copy of my flyer that I would like to pass out to the local elementary schools . I don 't know if they will allow it , I hope so . It would really help me out if I can pass them out to the school children . I know that Rochester schools doesn 't allow it because they have their own after school program . I think Utica has one too , but I asked anyway . I hope to hear from her soon . My friend , Donna has a rare bone infection . Apparently it is really bad and she has been told she needs to be in the hospital . She refuses to go , says she can 't afford it and won 't do it . She told the doctor to treat her as an outpatient . To me , she is signing her own death warrant . I don 't understand her at all . She has been told that if she doesn 't get the medicine , she will die . I don 't get it , she is going to die if she doesn 't go into the hospital , but she won 't do it . Her husband basically is like , that is her problem . She had an appointment this afternoon . She said she would call me later . Pain level is medium high right now , but was really high this morning . My shoulder is not getting any better and at times , is worse . I wake up more than usual with pain , and then it takes a little bit to go back to sleep . I woke up late today and am very tired . I hope this finds you doing well . I had four students today ! Yeah ! It was a great day . I love days that I have a lot of students . It makes the day . My hope is that by the end of October , I will have 4 students Monday thru Thursday , and Saturday . That would be good . I can handle 4 a day . I think I can actually handle 6 a day , but I will begin with 4 . I am going to go to the elementary school and ask if they will pass out my flyers . I don 't think they will , but I am going to ask anyway , they can only say no . Saturday is book club and that is the day the Muglia girls were coming to pass out flyers , I will have to see if they can come a different day because of book club . We only meet once a month . But if I can pass them out at the school , I won 't need to pass anymore out ! We shall see . Mom enjoyed going to the first student 's lesson . She listens instead of doing her puzzles . She likes to watch the students have their lessons . She sits in on Kayla 's and Rachel 's lessons too . Actually , I think she watches almost all of the lessons . Grace had her first voice lesson this afternoon . She did quite well for the first lesson . Bob did okay on piano , he was having trouble with a few passages of his pieces that we went over and he did better on them . I am very pleased with how he is improving on the piano . I have to go to Evola 's to sign up for the Christmas concert . I want it the third Saturday or Sunday in December . The first two weekends are busy for a couple of the students and they don 't want to miss the concert , so we are going this week . It is rainyish out right now so we are not going out for a scooter and it is also very humid out . I don 't do well with the humidity . I am still waiting for my back disability . I hope it comes soon . I need to pay for the bankruptcy so I can get that taken care of . Then we can work on Mom 's bankruptcy . Houses right now are being sold for almost half of what they are worth ( the tax rate worth ) This will help Mom and I for the bankruptcy so I am not upset over that . We just need to get them taken care of and finished . Richard shPosted by We met our friend Donna for Tim Horton 's today . It was fun . She is a very nice lady . She also has a rare bone infection that she should really be in the hospital for but she won 't go because she can 't afford to pay what her insurance won 't pay for . Her husband has the money to pay but he won 't . He says that is her responsibility . I think that sucks the big one . I thought when you got married you shared everything including money . I guess he doesn 't care that she could die from this . I don 't understand their marriage at all . Unfortunately she can 't leave him because she has no money and no where to go . Her son and granddaughter live with them . It just makes me mad ! We spent about 2 1 / 2 hours at the restaurant drinking pop ( me ) , hot chocolate ( Mom ) , and coffee ( Donna ) . It is nice to pass the time with a friend . Now we are home and both Mom and I are bored again . I am going to put on Dr . Quinn Medicine Woman . Mom really likes the show and it keeps her from falling asleep her at the table . I am very tired today and my arm / shoulder is very sore . I moved it wrong putting on my jacket and it let me know . I had one lesson earlier and she did wonderful . We were working on something new and she hit notes she didn 't know she could hit clearly . She about fell over , Katie asked , " what was that ? " I replied , " You . " She was very shocked at the sound that came out of her mouth . It was really exciting because it gives a glimpse of what she will be able to do soon and that is so cool . I don 't know if we are going to scooter , I have to charge it , I don 't think we would get very far on it tonight . I hope this finds you doing well and enjoying your day ! I had one lesson today and that was it . Aggie is every other week so this was her off week . I have one student tomorrow and then 4 on Monday . I love Mondays with that many students ! Not much going on here , I am re - reading Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix for I have no idea how many times . We probably will watch Dr . Quinn Medicine Woman sometime later tonight . Weekends are so boring . Then again , weekdays aren 't much better either . Next Saturday the Muglia girls are going to come and pass out flyers . That will be fun . They are very busy today . The girls are so unhappy that school has started . Right now school doesn 't sound so bad at least there is something to do . But I do totally understand them , I hated school too . Unfortunately , I wasn 't homeschooled like they are . I would have liked that better . My arm is not doing well at all . I cannot get my jacket on without help anymore because I can 't really move the arm up now without massive pain . My knee is doing somewhat better , it isn 't as bad as it was earlier in the week . I am very tired today . I slept in too , so I shouldn 't be so tired , but I am . I hope you are having a good day . It was sewing day with the Muglia girls ! Hannah picked out her pattern and her material for her top to her skirt . She picked the easiest one . Hers is very straight forward and not complicated like her sisters . I also picked up my sewing machine from the repair person . $ 144 . 06 later , I have a machine that works . It better because the repair was so expensive . It is nice out , sunny and little cool . I am happy about that . We barely had the air conditioner on this summer so that saved on money . We are still behind in bills though and I am still waiting for my back disability to arrive . I hope it comes soon , we really need it to catch up on house bills . Not much going on her in the Paxton house tonight . I am very tired because I didn 't get enough sleep last night . Mom fell asleep before I was ready for bed and I was reading so I didn 't realize how late it was . I finally went in her room at 11 : 30 pm and saw her lying in bed . I had to wake her up to get my pajamas on because with my arm so bad I can 't get them on myself . Tonight I will make sure I am ready before she is , then it won 't happen again . She said she was so tired she just went to bed forgetting about me . First time that has ever happened . I have one lesson tomorrow , Lily . She moved her lesson time from 11 am to 1 pm . She had to move her lesson last week because Emily came to the lesson to try on her homecoming dress that I am shortening for her . Lily liked sleeping in so asked if she could have her lesson at 1 pm every week . I said no problem ! And it isn 't . Whatever works for Lily , works for me . I live to teach . Her mom at first was worried that it would break up my day , I said no problem . Whatever the kid wants works for me . We aren 't going out to scooter because we are both pooped . We 're just too tired to go so we will go tomorrow instead . I hope this finds you doing well and enjoying your day . We went to the IMAX to see Harry Potter , it is the third time we have seen the movie . It is a good movie and I didn 't want to be home today . I don 't really know why , sometimes I just don 't like to be home . I think we are here way way way too much without enough to do . I have one student this evening , little Roman so that is a good thing . The new season of Oprah is on , I haven 't seen one yet and they started on Monday . I was teaching during the time on Monday and Tuesday and yesterday we went to the Olive Garden for their never ending pasta bowls ( mind you one totally fills you up ! ! ! ! ) It was an alright day since I had no students . I haven 't heard anything from anyone I passed out flyers too . I am pretty disappointed about that . We all know what will happen if I don 't get new students soon . I am trying not to focus on that . Maybe that is what God wants Mom and I to do , live with Richard , but I don 't know . You know , a little more information from up above would be really helpful , I have never been able to figure out things unless they are direct . It will be too late when I finish my lesson to go for a scooter so we will go tomorrow . I hope this finds you doing well and having a good day . Not much to do now , we went to get our passport pictures taken . Oh my , you can 't smile in them or the passport people will send them back so we look horrible in the pictures . I don 't understand why you can 't smile - must have a neutral expression - okay whatever ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Then we went to the bank to get an international money order , only the banks don 't have them anymore . Yeah , tell me how that makes perfect sense ! They have absolutely no way to send money to Canada that can actually be cashed , no international anything . I couldn 't believe it . I hope mom 's debit visa card comes in the mail real fast . We need it before the end of the month . The teller just looked at me funny and was like go to Canada for one . this was after I told her it was for my passport application . what a dip ! Sure , go to Canada , wait for your passport to be sent to our American home meanwhile we are stuck in Canada because you need a passport to get in the USA ! What brains ! Does she sit on them or what ? Some people ! Anyways , other than that beautiful experience , not much else going on as I have no students today . I have one tomorrow , the little guy . The Muglia girls will be helping me pass out more flyers . I haven 't had any answer to any of the ones I have sent out yet . I hope we hear something soon because you know what will happen . Besides , I need something to do ! It is really boring here . I know most of you have no idea what that is like and it probably sounds fun , but when you don 't have enough to do , you ache more because you can think about it more . When I am busy , I don 't ache as much because we are too busy ! Speaking of aching , my shoulder is not doing well right now . It hurts all night long even when I am not sleeping on that side so sleep is getting more difficult than usual . The knee is just stiff , not sore unless I am trying to straighten it after sitting . I think we are going to see Harry Potter again today . We need some good flicks ! I hope this finds you having a decent day ! Mom is obsessed with toothbrushes now . I mean on what to do with them when they are not in use . She has to wrap them in paper towels , which I hate . She also can not leave them on the counter which is the best place for them . She hid my toothbrush again this morning . I wish she would just leave them alone . She has since found my toothbrush and toothpaste but couldn 't put them on the counter in the bathroom , she is still holding hers because , oh my , can 't leave it where it does the most good . Oh no , must wrap and hide it . It wouldn 't be so bad if she just wrapped it , but she has so many stupid pieces of paper towel on her dresser that you can no longer see the dresser . it is a fire hazard and she is paranoid of fire . I can 't get her to remove the paper from her room even though she cries about fire . It is so frustrating ! I am ready to scream about it . I can 't get her to throw away any of the paper that would so make her room cleaner . She hordes it . That is not a very good thing to do . Our entire house is filled with stupid paper that she won 't let me throw away . So I try to throw some away when she 's not looking . But this toothbrush thing ! ! ! Pain level has been high since last night . My arm is very sore and my knee extremely stiff . It is very annoying , and since I am in an annoying mood , it makes my mood worse . I have one student today , I am glad about that ! Charlie will be here in a while for his lesson . The Muglia girls are going to sew on Friday and then let me know when they can pass out flyers . I hope to finish passing them out by next week and hopefully will get some calls . I haven 't heard anything since I first passed them out . Not good news there . I hope your day is better than mine . I had a new student this afternoon . Her name is Grace and she is 15 . She will be taking piano and voice , but because the books weren 't in when she went to get them and was told it would take weeks for them to come in , we only did piano which worked well . She also has her first writing assignment . I have two more lessons today , Bob is on vacation in Myrtle Beach , but Kayla and Rachel will be here so I am a happy camper today . I also have my fibro meeting tonight , but I don 't think I am going to go because it is a speaker on disability and I already have disability . I didn 't get the nap I wanted yesterday , Mom kept coming in my room every 3 to 5 minutes to see where I was . I finally just got up after a half hour . It wasn 't worth it . I tried to even have her sit in my room . She just hates to be downstairs by herself , I don 't know why . It would be peace and quiet for her but she hates it . She is afraid to be downstairs without me . She is actually afraid to be anywhere without me . She comes everywhere , and I mean everywhere with me . She would rather sleep in my room too , but fortunately there isn 't enough room in my room or in my bed for her . So she has to sleep in hers . I am glad for that . I don 't want to share a room with her . She sleeps with the light on now and I wouldn 't be able to sleep at all like that . My knee is very stiff now , it has gotten stiffer in the last few days , it doesn 't hurt so much as it is difficult to straighten or bend depending on what I need it to do . Annoying knee . I can only sleep on one side now in my bed because of the arm and the back . Difficult to sleep now . I am more tired than I was . My arm is okay today , right now but by nighttime it will be painful , I just took a pain pill about an hour ago so it has kicked in . Mom is too hot to go for a scooter tonight so we won 't be going , plus I haven 't fully decided whether or not to go to the meeting . We 'll see . The only reason I think I might , is Robin still has some of my music and I may get it back tonight . Maybe I will make plans to have luncPosted by I am now exhausted and ready for bed . Yup , it is 4 : 15pm and I am ready for bed . Katie and I passed out 100 flyers and then Mom and I went to Tim Hortons for lunch and it wiped me out . I have asked another Katie if she will help with the rest of the flyers , as I have about 300 more to pass out . Rachel is supposed to let me know tomorrow her schedule and to see when she can help . I haven 't heard from anyone would has gotten the flyers yet . I am hoping for 18 new students . I may need to pass out more flyers after I finish the 300 that are left . Not much happening this afternoon now . I have a new student tomorrow so I will be glad about that . She is 15 and is taking both piano and voice . I have never done both in 45 minutes before so we shall see how that works . As long as she does what she is supposed to it should work out okay . Better than having piano one week and voice the next . I think I will go and lay down now , I am falling asleep here while I am typing . Not a good idea ! Have a good night ! Emily was here today with her homecoming dress , I am going to be hemming it . It 's about 6 inches too long . She is just a tiny little thing . Not much to her at all . A perfect size 2 . Yup , I said size 2 . She is only sixteen after all . Another friend of mine 's granddaughter just got her homecoming dress . It isn 't as formal as Emily 's , but her crowd is more casual than Emily 's . Lily and Aggie both had their lessons today . Aggie is a sophomore at MSU and Lily is a sixth grader . She is also Emily 's little sister . Both are doing well , Lily finished two songs and started a new one . One of the older girls wants to sing a duet with Lily . They 'll sound nice together . Katie is coming over tomorrow to help pass out flyers . We going to the neighborhood at the top of my street . Should take a few hours to pass out about 100 of them . I am waiting for Rachel to let me know when she can come and help me . Her schedule is rather crazy with school and cross country running . Both Rachel and Katie are 16 and are junior in high school . Katie is also in a program for homeschoolers at the local community college . She is enjoying it . Pain is medium right now . My knee is very sore and stiff but my arm and shoulder are medium , so I guess only half is medium and the other is high . My head is medium too . I didn 't get much sleep last night , I couldn 't sleep so I got up and started reading . I have been rereading all the Harry Potter books , I am on book 3 again . I love those books . I know I have other books to read , but , well , when I am not feeling well I want an old friend to read like Harry Potter and pals . Maggie loaned me next month 's book club book . I started it the other day , seems to be good . I will finish it before book club so Katie can borrow it from Maggie and then Aggie can read it . I hope Jessie and the other Katie can come to book club . I passed the info to them so I hope they are reading the book . It was a great one . It was Kristin Chenoweth 's autobiography . It was so funny and light hearted to read . She has had an amazing career andPosted by Hard to believe it has been 8 years since 9 / 11 . To have that many people purposely killed . It just boggles the mind on how human beings want to kill each other just because of where they live , or what they believe . To think we have enemies based on our personal beliefs is so hard for me to believe . How can someone hate me because I have different beliefs than they do ? I don 't think I will ever understand that kind of hatred , never ever . Sleep was a smidge better last night . Mom kept coming in my room though asking me if I was ready to get up . She gets so bored in the morning but I have such poor sleep that if I get up earlier I will end taking a long nap in the afternoon . I don 't think she would be happy about that either . I have come to the realization that no matter what I do , unless I move my schedule to hers , she will not be happy . The chances of me being able to move her schedule is close to zip because I just don 't sleep well . Wait , if I can get decent sleep I would be able to . I don 't expect good sleep anymore . I expect a bad nights sleep every night . I am excited about a better night sleep , not a good night sleep . My arm and head are not doing well right now . I have taken a pain pill so I hope it improves soon . My left knee is bad again . I don 't know why it is sore , I didn 't do anything to it . At least I don 't remember doing anything to it . Sometimes it feels like it is about to give out on me . I haven 't had any light headiness since the other night so I am very happy about that . We will probably go to bed earlier tonight since I am so tired . With Mom interrupting me all morning , I didn 't get the same amount sleep as usual . Every time I rolled over she was in the room . We went to see All About Steve this afternoon . What a strange movie . I am not sure if I liked it or not . It was billed as a comedy yet parts were definitely not funny . The main character , Mary , falling into an abandoned mine is not funny , nor is the fact that the children who were originally in the mine one was left behind . Yes , she figured ouPosted by I woke up at about 3am this morning completely light headed and dizzy . I have not had this happen before . I was a little light headed the other night , but that quickly went away . When I woke up again , it was gone . ( thank God for that ! ! ! ! ) My knee also was ready to give out on me , another new thing . I often wonder why these things happen at night ? Why not during the day when you can call a doctor and go in ? No , of course not , they happen at night when nobody is in their office . I almost had to call for help from Mom to get to the bathroom , but I managed to hobble to it . I must of looked very funny though . Trying to walk with a leg that is not behaving and my head spinning around . I have a new little guy tonight . He is four and very excited about music . My favorite kind ! I am looking forward to this lesson . I have to wait until 6 : 30 for the lesson . Jennifer ( the Mom ) got my name from the gym 's community board . At least something good came out of the gym . We had to stop going because we can 't pay for it . It is just too expensive right now . How it works is that the membership is free but you still have to pay for maintenance fees and you have to pay them all up front . yeah , so much for a free membership . It just got too expensive for us with the rest of the bills we have to pay . Not much else going on here . Mom is falling asleep in her chair at the dining room table again . she does this often since when she sits still she falls asleep easily . It looks rather funny . I don 't know if we are going to go for a scooter later tonight , depends on how I feel after the lesson . I am falling asleep at the table here myself , so I think I will sign off and go take a nap . I have plenty of time before the lesson to take one . I hope by the end of the month , I will have an average of 4 or so students a night , more would be nice , but I am aiming for 4 . Have a great afternoon ! Pain level is high right now . My shoulder and arm are basically on fire . Or so it feels to me . My chest is sore today to . I have taken a pain pill so I hope it kicks in fast . I notice I am a bit grumpier when pain level is higher . Mom is too understanding at times . She just lets it roll right off her if I am grumpy to her . I should be glad about that but for some reason today it bugs me . Must be the grumpy butt in me . I am at least waking up a bit . I was soooooo tired earlier . I also was grumpy because I called Donna twice and she didn 't answer . I know , she was on the other line , but you know grumpies ! Mom is bored again , she gets bored rather easy and she is difficult to entertain since she can 't remember how to do anything . We aren 't watching TV like usual because they ( Hallmark channel ) took off my 7th Heaven . I love that show . They put Little House on the Prairie back on it its place , I like that show too but I have seen too much of it lately so we aren 't watching anything . I have one student after all today , Bob is making up his lesson that he missed on Monday . I am very happy about that . A lesson ! ! yeah ! I have my new little guy tomorrow . He is four and his name is Roman . He likes to sing too . A little young for singing lessons , but in a group he would be fine . I hope to have enough kids to form a little group to sing at the Christmas concert . I am going to be searching for Christmas music soon , I know hard to believe it is that time of year again . We have a subdivision meeting tonight so we won 't be scootering , also it doesn 't look to good out . I hope this finds you having a good day and enjoying fall . Rainy day today . Not that I really mind . We need the rain to make the garden ( okay - so ours are full of weeds ! ) grow . Kids started school this morning . Fall is here . My favorite season . I had my usual blood test this afternoon . Only took one time ! Woohoo ! I was very happy about that . I hate it when they have to take more than one time . I can clear a room of nurses by just walking in . Amazing how fast I can do that , it can be comical at times . Pain is medium for the arm and shoulder but my chest is not doing well . It aches horribly . It is making it a bit difficult to breathe properly . My jaw is also sore tonight . I hope it ends soon . No students today , I hope to hear from Bob so we can reschedule his lesson . I have no lessons tomorrow either because the Muglia family is ill so no sewing . We have a subdivision meeting tomorrow night . I am on the board . It can be interesting . We have had some problems in the sub this summer , someone tried to steal a car in the courts and some cars were broken into . Our car was egged . Not a pretty sight . We won 't be going out tonight , I am just not feeling up to it . I probably will watch TV and play with my Nintendo DS lite . I love that thing . It is very addicting . I hope this finds you having a good day and enjoying the first day of schools for your little ones if you are lucky enough to have some ! I had 4 students today , I was supposed to have 6 , but Peter was sick at the Muglia 's and Bob will be rescheduling for later this week , so that brought the number down to 4 . I am still happy I had 4 ! I won 't have the Muglia 's for lessons again until next month . They can only have lessons once a month - at least they still have lessons . After Kayla 's lesson we went to the Olive Garden . I learned what noodles Mom actually likes the best , I thought it was fettuccine , but it is the penne noodles . Hmm , even after all this time , I learn something new . We are now watching a Golden Girls marathon . Not much else going on tonight . I don 't have any lessons tomorrow because Charlie will be having a marching band practice that normally is on Monday , but because today is Labor Day , they will have practice Tuesday , the day of his lesson . Frank will be absent again , I think we have 3 more weeks of absences from Frank from his cracked wrist . I wonder how he is doing . I haven 't heard from him at all ( not that I really expected too ) . Tomorrow is the first day of school for all students . I hope they all enjoy it . I remember school , yuck . Glad I am not in school now . Pain level is medium , my arm and shoulder is doing alright except when I move it too much , then it kills . I have done it twice already this afternoon . I hope not to do it again tonight . It 's raining so no scootering tonight . Not that I really feel up to it . Hope you are having a great day and enjoying the holiday . A rather boring day . I took a nap this afternoon for about 2 hours . I could have slept longer but Mom kept coming in asking when I was planning to wake up . Not very usual when one is trying to sleep . She gets so bored and doesn 't mean to interrupt . She no longer likes to be downstairs alone . So now she is with me everywhere . She gets so nervous over little things . It frightens her when she gets hot flashes and she gets them a lot . They make her cry and freak out . We go through this at least 2 times a day . I don 't know what to do about it , I don 't think there is anything to do about it . We can 't afford to take her to the doctor , I don 't think it is anything serious . Pain level is medium as usual . My arm and shoulder and the head of course must join them . I had one student today , Katie . She is an every other week student . She is 16 years old and very excited about her new job at the library . She is excited because she proudly informed me she doesn 't need a scholarship for lessons any more . She can pay me for them . I didn 't mind giving her a scholarship , she works hard and practices and everything . But she was so proud when she told me she could pay for lessons again . I gave her a scholarship in April when her father lost his job . Instead of only having 1 lesson a month , she would have two and the second one would be a scholarship , I would so rather teach a lesson for a student like her then have her have to have even less lessons . This Saturday , Katie will be coming back to help me pass out more flyers . Rachel will be helping me too this week . Remember 18 new students is what I need . I have 400 more flyers to pass out . We aren 't going for a scooter this evening . I am feeling real tired so we will be going to bed rather early . I have to get up early tomorrow for the Muglia 's lessons ! I will have 6 lessons tomorrow . I am excited about that . Have a great evening . I didn 't sleep very well last night . I was up I think for most of it . I just couldn 't sleep , no reason , just couldn 't . Rather annoying to say the least . I am not as tired as I thought I would be though . Of course , it is only 1 : 30 in the afternoon ! I had one student today , Lily , she is 11 ( already ! ) she takes voice . She is doing pretty well with it and practices more than when she played the piano . One of the older girls wants to sing at Christmas with her . I think that will be neat . They will sound good together . It occurred to me last night ( when I couldn 't sleep ) that my older brother , Richard cannot handle my illness . When I was talking to him he said I sounded " better " . Well , I am not better , I sounded happy , that 's all and I was because I was talking to him . I read a blog this week ( a new one for me ) pointed out how people want her to be " better " and don 't realize that you can sound happy and not be better . That is Richard in a nutshell . He wants me to be better . Maybe someday he will realize this is better and this is what it is going to be . I have learned to live with my limitations ( most of the time ! ) so he will have to too . Pain isn 't so bad today . Even my arm is somewhat behaving ( for now anyway ) . My head is down to its dull roar and so is everything else . I am not sure if we are going to scooter today or not . Mom gets overheated so easy and it is sunny out so I don 't know if it is a good idea . She got extra hot yesterday when we went to CVS for our ticket . We didn 't get any numbers . We will try again for Tuesday . Tuesday I have to have my blood test , the one I managed to forget about this month . Because of the blood thinners , I have to have blood tests at least once a month , sometimes more depending on my blood . I hate blood tests ! They hurt too much . I did completely forget that I didn 't make the appointment for this one . Silly me , fibro fog ! I am going to pick out a movie for us now . Or a TV show . One or the other . Someday I hope to have a TV in the living room instead of on the kitchen table and we watcPosted by I am having a better day than yesterday . I talked to Richard , the big brother ! It 's his 45th birthday ! He he he ! I didn 't get to rub it in because he doesn 't have a good sense of humor ( except when he 's doing the teasing ! ) He sounded good though , I know he is stressed because in a few weeks his temp job will be over and he will be unemployed again . His kids , Abby and William are in school already ! Apparently they like their new teachers and are happy to see their friends , not happy to be in school , but seeing their friends . I miss them so much . Like Richard said , I have too much time on my hands and that makes me miss them even more . If Richard doesn 't find a new job in a few months I will ask him if Mom and I moving in will help . I checked the bank account and the deposit DID post , but I am not spending a dime until I know for sure it has gone through . I hope by next Thursday should be safe . We have a lot of bills to pay . Like so many in this country , we are struggling pretty bad . I have two new students that begin this week and next so that will add some more to our coffers . I need at least 8 more new ones but would like 18 more new ones . Then we will have some wiggle room and be able to pay our property taxes for 2009 that we haven 't paid yet . Pain kept me up a lot last night and this morning Mom kept coming in my room and asking me questions so that kept waking me up . finally at 12 : 15 she comes in and says didn 't I want to be up by noon ? Yeah , that was my cue to get up so I did . We then went to our usual Tim Horton 's for brunch and then grocery shopping . I have decided that I hate grocery shopping on a budget . But I did pretty well , 10 days worth of dinners for $ 40 . Most of the dinners are about $ 2 total for dinner . Not bad . We couldn 't get the Healthy Choice dinners because they cost too much , but we got dinners and that is what counts . I don 't think we are going to go out tonight . I am really tired and Mom is falling asleep next to me . It is only 4 : 15 but it feels more like 8 or 9 pm . I hope this finds you doPosted by I am very annoyed today . The disability check is memo posted . It may post tonight or tomorrow , but even then it may get sent back to social security because my name is no longer on the checking account . I had to take it off last Friday because of the Citibank incident . I spoke to a bank person and they can 't tell me when I should be able to pay bills with this money we desperately need . Anytime , it can be apparently sent back to the treasury . At that point , it will take 10 days before I get the paper check . The person 's behavior was like , oh well , it isn 't a big deal . Well it is to me . I have a house payment to pay , a car payment to pay , and other utilities , and oh yeah , the important thing known as food ! She was like , pretend that it is okay . Sure , take the chance that it is okay . That could only cause me a charge of $ 37 + additional fees every time something bounces . Yeah , like I can afford to take that kind of chance . Her attitude bugged me the most . It may not be a big deal to her , but it is a huge deal to us . Sometimes I envy Mom 's memory problem . She doesn 't even remember going to the bank . I have a big headache from all this . It 's just joining the arm and shoulder . I know I am not supposed to get so upset because it makes me ache more , but how could I not in this situation . I just feel like nothing is going right . Should I throw the towel in and beg Richard to let Mom and I to come and live with him ? I don 't know . I could just scream . I feel like telling the bank , fine , take the house and everything in it . Whatever ! I know Mom would be upset about it and I can 't take her upset . I also have not gotten my back disability yet . It was supposed to come in August , well , it is September now . I feel very low today , lower than Monday when I had my meltdown . I don 't know what to do now . As soon as I get my back disability I will be able to file for bankruptcy and then my name can go back on the bank account . It isn 't like Mom can really handle money anymore . She can barely sign her own name right now . Not a good situPosted by It 's Wednesday ! I feel alright right now . I picked up my darvacet and finally was able to take one after a week of no pain medication except for Tylenol . Tylenol doesn 't do a whole lot unless you take more than you are supposed , of course I did . During our usual Tim Horton 's visit , we met a young girl named Audra who was lost . She was supposed to meet some friends , and I think they don 't really know how to tell anyone how to get to their house . Anyway , she asked to borrow my phone because she didn 't have one , called them , and from what I could gather , they had no idea that 21 mile rd and mound do not meet because that is where they told her to meet them . Needless to say , she was lost and so were they . They told her that there were gas stations on the corner , that is not quite true , that would be at Hall Rd ( M - 59 ) and Van Dyke and the railroad tracks are about 1 / 2 mile west . So her friend mentioned Walmart and I told Audra we would take her to Walmart . She hopped in the car and we drove her , of course when we got there , no friends in sight . She called them again and no answer . I wasn 't going to just drop her off and leave , finally one of the friends called her back on my phone and they were inside the store . So off we left her . I hope she will be okay and have a great day . It is beautiful out so after 7th Heaven ( one of my favorite shows , but not my very favorite - that would be Stargate SG1 ! ) Mom and I will be going scootering ! It is lovely out so we will take the long trail . Mom usually enjoys it and loves the fresh air . I hope this weekend isn 't too hot because I plan to scooter a lot . I originally planned to take her to the zoo , but I have to wait until my disability comes in sometime this month . Not sure when that will happen . We shall see ! Pain is low right now in the shoulder , but the middle of the top part of my arm it is medium . My head is better since I took the pain meds . I hope this finds you doing well and enjoying your day . Had a major breakdown last night before going to bed . Surprisingly , Mom didn 't breakdown too . I was glad , usually she does and then I have to stuff it back in to make her stop crying . Didn 't have to last night . I apologized for ruining her credit , raising the amount we owe on the house , and basically financially ruining us . She doesn 't hold anything against me . I was so upset that my throat hurt from crying so hard . If we lose the house it is entirely my fault because she put herself in hock to help me buy the store . Yeah , great move on my part . A failing business that I thought I could turn around , I could have if the economy hadn 't dumped . Unfortunately , it ultimately doesn 't matter , because I did lose the store and I could single handily lose our house . I know it just things , and being with family is what matters , but it isn 't just my things we would be losing , it would be Mom 's things too . I lose other people 's stuff , not just my own . That is what gets me the most , I financially ruined Mom too , not just myself . I think I could feel better about this whole thing if it was just my stuff . Not that it matters too much now , it happened and it 's over . Feeling a bit better this morning . We went to the storage unit and told them when we would be able to catch up on August and September 's payments , ( because of the Citibank incident ) , well , we had better be able to pay by the end of the month or they auction off our stuff on October 21 . Great . Lovely news , nothing like losing everything in the unit . There are really only a few things in their I want , the rest is going to charity except for the business boxes from the store . One is Mom 's snow globe Richard and I got her from Disney a few years ago for Mother 's day . It is an awesome one . I also have a few pictures in boxes I would like . I finally got to sleep around 1am after I had to go downstairs ( without Mom - she wouldn 't wake up ! ) to go and get some more Tylenol . Pain level was really high last night , especially with the breakdown . Pain level is medium today . I am goiPosted by I teach music and sewing to the most amazing kids in the world . I like to read and do crafts in my spare time . I also love reading blogs about other peoples life . I hope you enjoy reading mine . I also have fibromyalgia and arthritis . |
Yesterday morning I felt that I would probably crap sometime during the day . I had a pretty good sized crap Friday right after lunch at school , but nothing over the weekend , so I knew it would have to come out on Monday , otherwise my mom would recommend Milk of Magnesia that night . Well , I went into one of the main floor bathrooms right after arriving at school . It was jammed up like at the airport . So I went to first hour class and right when the subsitute walked in , I rose my hand and got permission to leave . I signed out on the log sheet on the clipboard and walked down to the restroom . All 20 - some stalls were vacant , I turned to my right went into the first that had the door wide open . Why I selected it I don 't know . I had a loose - fitting dress on , hiked it up above my waist , pulled my underwear down with my left hand , and carefully seated myself . It seemed like the very back of my butt was sitting on something other than the seat , and I pulled around back there and was able to pull out the very back of my dress which had gotten stuck under my butt . I could just see myself getting crap smeared on it because my luck in the school bathrooms this year hasn 't been very good . At first , I learned forward a bit and let out two pretty loud farts . A few seconds later , two girls who apparently knew one another came in . One took the stall left of mine ; the other , the stall to my right . One said she was about to blow her asshole up and you could see her jeans drop followed by a gigantic loud blast . Her friend to my right , asked her if she was done already , and she said yes , that she had pretty much filled the bowl . I could hear the toilet paper roll going around as she started wiping . As she was wiping , she asked her friend how she was doing . The girl 's answer started with " I 've al . . . . most got it and finally a loud " THERE ! " She stood to wipe and was out of the stall within a minute . Neither of the girls washed her hands . Neither flushed . The left stall was used three times for peeing and the right one was used four times for peeing while I patiently sat for 20 minutes . Finally , I took out my phone and looked at the time and found I had been sitting for 22 minutes . I stood up , pulled up my underwear and made sure my dress was presentable before I left the stall and went across the room to wash my hands . While the warm water and soap felt good and I was thinking about how depressing it was not being able to be crap after more than 20 minutes , a senior came running in , took my stall and yanked her jeans down so fast that she didn 't even close the door as she threw herself on the seat . The splashes into the bowl started immediately . The girl had a big smile on her face as she sat and crapped . She told me her sister is in middle school and very inconsiderate in letting her into the bathroom they share at home . I felt bad the rest of the morning . However , after lunch I went back in and tried my luck again . I completely cleaned my system out and wasn 't on the stool for more than two or three minutes . However , I was late to class and got a 30 minute DT . I decided to serve my time that night and when I got done at 4 p . m . I stopped back into the bathroom to pee before I started home . While serving my time , I had thought of deliberately peeing over the seat , onto the floor in front of the toilet , or into a sink . I could have done either of them because there were almost no students around . But I just sat , peed a pretty good stream for like a minute or two , pulled up my underwear and adjusted my dress in back . Car Mom again great post with all three girls gain peeing in the backseat of your car . As far as the wto girls they sure did sound like they really were excited that they could pee in the car instead of using the bathroom in McDonalds ! I do have to ask with the seat getting completely soaked with pee from all three girls did they have to wait to get their clothes pulled back up after doing so much pee ? Keep the stories comming ! Allyson I too liked your hold it contest story . Guys seem to be more open about contests then girls . I do know that girls do do them but don 't tell all that much about them . Glad that you do . Don 't feel bad about your friend CXlair . With her takeing on the resposibility that you did shit your panties and in return later she shit hers on purpose that could have well ment Clair being a true friend . Plus you mantioned at the end that there might be the possibility beside holding your pee that you two my hold on to keep from shiting . Anna it seems that you and your new man in your life are headed for a good strong relationship . I will say in most of the relationships I 've had when I was single when I and whom I was with at that time and we peed or shit together made a strong bond between us . Yes I would get aroused by these activities too . Sometimes the girl would first be amused that I did but she would be also . So it does go both ways ! I just read a post by Dora aus Bremen , who posted about her bouts with constipation . I know first hand just how much that sucks . When I was younger , I was able to have a poop three to four times a week , but then after I moved away from my parents house , my routine shifted to one where I would often go five or six days between poops . For a while , I was embarrassed to tell anyone about my problems , so I just suffered through it . I 'd spend most of the week bloated and feeling like I needed to go , but I just couldn 't . Then when I finally did poop , it would be a very difficult turd to pass , and I 'd never really feel empty after . I actually convinced myself that my constipation was just a product of stress and it would clear up on its own . When it had been months and I was still suffering , I finally got up the courage to talk to my doctor about it . After the visit , I got some good information . The main factors of constipation are a poor diet , lack of exercise , and stress . What worked for me was a radical shift of my diet . I began to eat more fruits and vegetables , and other foods with plenty of fiber . I also made time each day to just sit on the toilet , even if I didn 't feel I needed to poop . Every day for 30 to 45 minutes I would sit on the toilet and read a book or magazine . The effects weren 't immediate , but I didn 't get discouraged . I stuck with it , and then the week came when I pooped twice . It was a step in the right direction , and I was thrilled . Then , after my progress continued , and now I 'm a once - a - day pooper . I know that each situation is different , so what I did may not work for you , Dora . But I do encourage you to talk to your doctor . It will be embarrassing , sure , but I think it will be worth it in the long run . I don 't have a whole lot of time , as it took me a while to remember the name of this site to post this , so ill make this quick . I came across it years ago and found it to be an interesting read , but i never had a particularly interesting story to share so i never looked at it again until now . When i got home from work this afternoon i went upstairs into the study where my girlfriend , whom i live with , works from home . I just popped in to say hey and ask what she wanted to do for dinner . We discussed it for a minute then she started telling me about something we needed to on the weekend . She was sitting in her office chair still , turned halfway toward me away from the computer . She seemed perfectly fine and comfortable , and then she abruptly stopped talking mid sentence and just froze and stared off into space . I thought she felt a sneeze coming on or something . Then she just went " unnnggghh ! " And jumped up from her chair and ripped the loudest , wettest fart and just had a massive diarrhea explosion in her peach colored sweats . She staggered out of the room tightly clutching her butt with one hand , and she had a big , round , wet brown stain spreading across her ass and a wet brown streak going all down the back of her left leg . When she got into the bathroom she didn 't even close the door , she just went straight to the toilet and dropped to her knees and began vomiting . As she knelt vomiting into the toilet , i could see wet poop bubbling through the fabric of her pants as she continued to pour diarrhea into them . By the time she was done , her entire butt was stained brown and it was all down her legs too . She was trembling on the bathroom floor and i didn 't know what to do , and she said " i think I 'm ok now . . . it came out of nowhere . It felt like someone just grabbed my bowels and started twisting them ! " She slowly stood up and had tears in her eyes , and i rushed over to help her get up because she looked like she was going to faint . After i was sure she was ok i let her get in the shower while i took her badly soileLatest story Anyway , the good news is that the nice set of girls loos in the humanities block have been reopened at lunchtime after a few of us complained about the state of the main toilet block . Although I 've been trying to retrain my bowels so I go for a poo every day when I get back from school , its been quite good to know I can now go at school if I feel the need , and a few times ( like today ) I 've done so . I still quite often find I want a poo late morning after breaktime , so lunch break is the perfect time to use the toilet rather than hanging on till I get home . As I 've said before , struggling to hold in my poo during the afternoon is uncomfortable and makes it hard to concentrate in class , although going for a poo at school can sometimes be a bit embarasing its a lot better now theres a decent set of loos I can use . Today I got to the last lesson of the morning and I started to want a poo quite badly , as soon as I 'd eaten my lunch I went to use the toilet . Luckily by then there wasn 't a queue , a few times there have been some other girls waiting which is then a bit more awkward especially if you end up taking a while as I usually do if I 'm having a poo . When I went in I saw a couple of the cubicles were taken , judging from the smell and noises at least one of the girls was pooing and I knew I 'd be joining her soon . I locked the door , lifted my skirt and pulled my black tights and green knickers to my thighs before sitting on the toilet . I started on my wee and a let out a few loud farts , luckily the girl next to me farted too which made me feel a bit better . I could see her trousers and pink flowery knickers round her ankles under the partition and noticed she was going up on her toes trying to push out her poo . I started to push and felt a hard turd starting to poke out of my bum , I carried on pushing hard and made some grunts , by now the girl next door was grunting as well . I strained for as long as I could and tried to catch my breath as quickly as I could so that the turd didn 't get sucked back up . I could feel I Sean ~ loved your post . Can you post more stories about you and Stacy ? Thanks . Amylee , the ladies room at your workplace is really an interesting place . Your stories are great and I look forward to hearing more . Its amazing that your friend Roxy wanted to continue the conversation . At my place of work , us guys will have a conversation while going for a pee , but never if either party is going to take a dump . Louisa , I enjoy your stories . If anything interesting happens on your trip to Sydney , please do post about it . Additionally , I 'm looking forward to the continuation of your story with Anna . Also , do you have any stories about you and your girlfriend ? I enjoyed your story immensely . I 'm glad you stood up to Eric when he tried to explain away the urine on the toilet seat as being yours and not his . When my boyfriend moved into my apartment several years ago , he tried to same excuse . I just don 't let him get away with such remarks . However , nearly 20 years ago when I was starting my career at a financial institution , I shared a unisex toilet with a bank vice president . He never lifted the seat and frequently splashed it up . On the advice of my mother , however , I didn 't say anything because he was my evaluator and I had thousands of dollars in college loans to pay off . I thought I would share a weird dream I had about pooing . I went into a public mens room to poo and noticed some things that would be odd for a mens room . First , there were no stalls . The toilets were the ancient roman type except made of wood instead of stone . Second , there were girls in the mens room . I knew two of the girls from school . One of the two was sitting on the toilet . The other was standing in the back of the room talking to others on the toilet . A boy was leaning up against the only urinal and talking to the girls . I decided I didn 't have to go that bad and left , mostly because of the two girls I knew that were there . Plus there were other girls too . About 10 minutes later I had to go worse so I went back to the same bathroom . The two girls I knew were still there , the one obviously pooing . The other was still standing in the corner talking . I decided I had to go bad enough so I sat down on the " toilet " and started to pee . Then I pushed a bit and the poo came out easily . I wiped and left . I don 't even think anyone noticed me . That is the strangest dream I have ever had . Hayley I was taking a walk with my boyfriend Max to get to know him better . I was feeling sick that day but we had arranged this ages ago so I decided to ignore the pain . About half way through our walk , my ? ? ? ? started hurting . My boyfriend asked me if I was OK , and I said yes since I didn 't want him to know I had to shit . A few minutes later , I started letting out these huge farts . It was hard holding it all in there . At last I couldn 't hold it anymore so I said to my boyfriend " I need to use a restroom now ! " Luckily there was a public toilet in the park we were in , so I ran into the toilets and locked the door . I quickly pulled my skinny jeans and my pink knickers down . As soon as my bum touched the seat , liquid diarrhea exploded from my bum . I think it was my dad 's cooking doing there cos he sucks at cooking . A few minutes past and it smelled like hell there . From outside the door , my boyfriend asked if I was OK and if i needed any help . I told him to come in and unlocked the door . He didn 't seem to mind about the smell cos he hugged and kissed me while I was doing my business . He said I didn 't need to be embarrassed to shit in front of him and started to rub my stomach . That really helped cos more diarrhea came out . When I was done , we flushed the mess and went back to my house . You could imagine what we did next . To J : I don 't know if I 'd be comfortable peeing somewhere more publicly just yet . So far the garage seems to work fine with me ! Or anywhere private . I definitely always make sure the kids are in private when they do it , or if we 're in motion I make sure there isn 't traffic near us . I 'm always careful that way . As far as the poop is concerned , it happens so infrequently that it doesn 't matter that much as far as cleanup goes . At this point I guess I 'm not really that worried about my seat anyway ! Glad you like my posts ! Laura came over again and had another pee in my car . She called me and asked if she could come over and do it so I told her she could . And so she came over . Unfortunately I had just gotten through having a pee , and a poop , in the toilet right before she called me . She said " awww " when I told her and then she said " can you at least come with me and keep me company while I pee ? " Of course I said I would and so we went out to the garage and to my car . I told Laura to sit on the driver side of the backseat because Kaylee had relieved herself on the way home from school so the seat was still wet on the passenger side . Laura said she wouldn 't have minded if it was , but she got in the driver side anyway . She pulled down her pants and her underwear and then I got in the passenger side and I pulled down my pants and underwear too and sat in Kaylee 's pee . But I didn 't mind . Laura smiled at me . " Thank you so much for letting me do this again . " I just said " its ok . " Then she smiled again and she said " And also thank you for coming out here with me even though you don 't have to go . " I smiled back and I said " its ok . " Then I said " I like when you pee in my car . " Laura giggled and then she said " well I sure do like peeing in your car . " Then after that she said " I 'm gonna go now ok ? " I said " ok " and then she looked down at herself and I looked at her too . This was actually the first time I ever watched Laura pee really closely . She was quiet for a few seconds . Then after that she let out a sigh and I could tell that she was relaxing herself . Then I started to hear a little hissing sound . Laura was starting to pee into the seat . She let out another sigh . " I 'm going " she said . I said " yeah I can hear it . " Then continued to pee . After a few seconds she said " I really had to go " and I said " well I 'm glad you 're going . " She smiled again and she continued having her pee . Then a few seconds later she farted . It made a ripping noise into the seat . She laughed , and then she said " excuse me , sorry about that . " I just said " its ok , you canBye for now ! Kirsty & me were off work on Monday & as it was a nice day we decided to go out for a long walk across the fields near our house . Neither of us had pood since the morning before so we were busting to go . As soon as we got off the main road I could see Kirsty was walking a bit funny so I knew she was getting desperate but I was coping quite well . We were out in the open & the nearest cover was across 3 fields & it was only a hedgerow & Kirsty wasn 't happy about going there . I was getting more desperate by now & By the way Kirsty was walking I knew she was too . We decided to walk over there to see if it was private enough & by the time we reached the edge of the field we could see it wouldn 't provide any cover from the road . Kirsty was hoping about by now & I was starting to feel the pressure in my bowels getting stronger . One thing was for sure we couldn 't do our business here . Kirsty was holding her bum & said she couldn 't hold it much longer but I said she would have to unless she wanted to poo in her panties ! I added that I was getting desperate too & wasn 't sure if I could hold it much longer either . We started to walk along the road in the hope of finding a place to relieve our urgent need . After about an hour of walking we saw some woods in the distance . Kirsty said , " Thank god . We can go in those woods . If I can hold it long enough that is ! " I could feel my poo pressing on my anus trying to force its way out & we ran to the woods holding our bums . By the time we got there Kirsty was standing rigid . I quickly pulled my jeans & panties down while Kirsty just stood still . I squatted & released a long turd while Kirsty gingerly lowered her jeans & took them right off . She had a large bulge in the back of her pants where she hadn 't made it in time & she had to peel them away from her bum before she could take them off . She squatted over her soiled panties & released the rest of her load on top of them . We had to use leaves & grass for toilet paper but it was such a relief all the same . We pulled our clothes backUniversity Experiences After I left school , I spent three years at a University . In the first year I was in a hall of residence . On the floor I was on , there were two girls who I spent a lot of time with . Scottie was a Glaswegian blonde who always had her hair in either in a bun or ponytail and was forever wearing a blue tracksuit . JS was another blonde with curly hair who wore a light coloured t - shirt and white jeans . Scottie was very prone to doing noisy farts without warning . She would be in the middle of a conversation and suddenly really let rip followed by the daintiest and innocent sounding " Excuse me " . We all had communal toilets and these seemed to be in permanent use throughout the day . My door was adjacent to one of them and I soon got to hear everyone use it . On the first day I was there , Pippa welcomed me and made me feel at home . Soon we were getting on so well that when Pippa 's parents called to take her out for a meal , she invited me to join them . Eric and Laura were a friendly couple who despite being middle aged always seemed to be larking around like children . " I just need to go on the loo ! " I heard Pippa shout down the stairs . The following morning I opened the unlocked bathroom door to find Pippa sitting on the toilet with her grey skirt round her waist and her brown tights and pants round her knees , and reading a copy of Cosmopolitain . Pippa didn 't seem too bothered but she said with a strain in her voice " I 'm really bunged up Hermes , you 'd best use the downstairs loo " After 15 minutes and several explosive farts and heavy sounding KERSPLUUUNNKS ! ! from the toilet , Pippa came up to me . She smiled sweetly and in a very gentle tone of voice asked " Hermes , promise me in future you 'll knock before entering the bathroom . " I apologised and she said it did not matter in the slightest , she patted my shoulder and gently pinched my nose as she giggled cheekily . I slept in a converted room in the ground floor of the house , and at exactly 825 in the morning I would hear Pippa singing to herself as she went into the upstairs bathroom . I would hear her tinkle , followed by a bassy fart which made the ceiling vibrate . This would instantily followed by urgent sounding and very rapid plopping which went on for quite some time before the toilet flushed . Soon afterwards Pippa ran down the stairs out of the house and into her knackered Mini . After several attempts it would occasionally splutter into life and off she went . Both me and Bruce had to be dressed at this point as we were often called upon to push start Pippa 's car . On some occasions I had to fix her car to get it going and even more often when it was completely broken , Bruce would give Pippa and me a lift to work or Uni in his Landcruiser . It is fair to say that Bruce and I would have done anything for Pippa , and I suspect that Pippa would have returned the favours , but I digress . . . . Once her training period was up , Pippa got a well deserved promotion , but her new job was in another part of the country - and we soon lost contact with each other . What was worse was that her replacement , GB was not such a nice individual and I struggled to get on with her in my remaining six months in the house . I was in a different house for my final year , which was only just inhabitable . My housemates were not a bad crowd , but not hugely memorable . However , the girlfriend of one of them was frequently in the house . For some reason , I 've always been fascinated with the idea of girls using toilets and going to the bathroom . Unfortunately , due to society 's views on it , I 've always felt weird about it , so it 's nice to have a website where people are unafraid to share their experiences . I hope to one day meet up with a girl who loves me for who I am , including my . . . quirk . Anyway , this happened when I lived somewhere different from where I currently live . I was moving in a short amount of time , a month or so , and I thought I 'd perform a little social experiment . I decided to dare various girls to use the men 's bathroom . I honestly don 't see the big deal between the bathrooms being separated . I mean , you don 't ever think twice when using a bathroom in your house that male and females use , do you ? Anyway , some said no , but others agreed to it . One girl in particular ( Who I had a HUGE crush on ! ) said that she would do it on my last day , as a present to me . I think she knew about my quirk and didn 't mind , which only made my crush stronger ! Anyway , the days wore on . I got several girls to use the boy 's bathroom and see my side of the issue , that the only reason there 's a big deal between the two bathrooms is because society tells us to make a big deal out of it . I even got to tease a few of the girls by putting my head over the stalls and seeing them sitting there , looking super cute ! Haha , fun times . Anyway , up came my last day , and the girl who I wanted to see most came up to me . Looking genuinely sorry , she apologized and told me that she had to leave early and couldn 't do the dare . She really did seem super sorry about it ! I guess she didn 't want to let me down . Obviously , I was heartbroken . I mean , later that day I got two girls who I had wanted to take the dare for a very long time to do it . One looked even better than I imagined , and super adorable . : 3 But I 'll never forget the one that got away . Well , that 's my story . Not too exciting , but oh well . I do have a few others that I may share later on . I 'm just glad to have found a site that 's so open and free and interesting . I look forward to your comments ! The twins and I finally arrived to Busch Gardens at around 2pm . We were to stay in a hotel next to Busch Gardens from Friday afternoon until Sunday morning , since we had to go to school on Monday . Tom and Bill were to sleep in one bed while I slept in the other . Anyway , we had a lot of fun that night riding all the rides and pigging out , only to suffer the consequences the next morning . At around 7am on Saturday , I woke up with a huge urge to poo . Tom was on his laptop and Bill was already in the restroom , letting out mushy diarrhea . I decided to try to hold it until Bill was finished . I went over to Tom 's bed and started up a conversation with him . We were both laying on the bed facing each other while chatting , when Tom suddenly became quiet and let out some SBD farts . We both chose to ignore it and kept chatting . Then , something very interesting happened . He suddenly let out a loud grunt in the middle of his sentence while holding his stomach and arching his back . I smelled the horrible stench of poop and realized that Tom had just shat his pants right in front of me ! I was shocked , but surprisingly , I wasn 't disgusted by this at all . I scolded jokingly , " Tom ! " He then proceeded to slide carefully off the bed and squat beside the bed . He started to push and grunt softly , and I watched in interest as a bulge almost the size of three tennis balls formed in his pajamas . As he was pooping , he looked over at me and said , " Come on , Ciara . Uhhhhh ! You know you - unhhhhhh ! - want to ! " I considered what he said for a moment , and decided that it would be fun to try ( weird , I know . ) . So , I squatted next to Tom and pushed some logs into my own pajamas , straining a little . As we were both carefully taking off our pajamas , Bill came out of the restroom , saw our mess , and exclaimed , " What the hell ! ? " We both apologized and said that we had to poop really badly and couldn 't wait any longer . Bill blushed and apologized for taking so long in the restroom . Tom and I told him not to worry about it and went to the restroom to dump our logs into the toilet and take turns showering . Surprisingly , our pajamas didn 't have any skid marks . We all got dressed and headed back to Busch Gardens to ride some more rides without any other incidents that day . But on Sunday morning , when we left Busch Gardens to go home , something else interesting happened , but I 'll save that story for next time . As Eric walked back to us after going over into the dense patch of trees to pee , he had a look of relief on his face . Me and Gopi could hear his pee hit the snow and ice and it seemed like it took a minute . He was still zipping up as he walked up to us . Gopi said , " Hopefully , you didn 't splash any wildlife , " and about five second later just above us a squirrel jumped from one tree limb onto a branch of another tree . That spooked Eric and he said he almost shit his pants . Gopi remarked : " It would have been funny if he would have peed on you . " To that Eric swore and said he had to go again and he put his hands over his cock to demonstrate . Personally , I felt a little sorry for him because I knew going outdoors and in such a cold place would be harder for him . He went back toward the closest tree , unzipped pretty fast , and pulled out his penis . Although we were standing just behind him , Gopi and I could see the stream going against the tree . He shook his penis a little , showing off , I suppose , to put some extra splash onto the tree , and I noticed Gopi was more than a little interested . She later told me she tought he was getting a hard - on , but it was tough to tell because even at 10 a . m . , the additional cloud cover was making it partially dark . The three of us spent another hour or so sledding . We had a lot of fun but at about 11 : 30 Eric heard me whisper to Gopi that I felt my morning crap coming on . He was waiting and I knew that he would remember the dare . Of course , he did . He suggested that I sit on some trash cans that would not be that far off the ground for normal people , but they would be a strain for me . We walked through a parking lot on the other side of the park and he suggested I just use one of those concrete brakers that keep cars on the concrete and not on the grass . I though about that for a moment , but there were too many people around . My legs were starting to hurt as we walked over a frozen lake and about a block ahead of us , Eric spotted an orange - colored portable toilet booth . It was apparently out there for emergencies for those playing on the nearby golf course . I told him not to get his hopes up , because it would probably be locked . He said it wouldn 't ; he was right . It was obvious that only two of the three of us would fit inside . Gopi volunteered to wait outside . I told Eric I would go in first , and take off my parka which is big like an eskimo would wear , throw it to Gopi , and then with the extra room , I would try to squeeze him in . I was hoping he wouldn 't fit , but that 's another story . I was freezing even worse when I opened the door and took off my coat . I dropped my jeans slowly because I wanted to buy myself more time , but then I got to think I was only going to make myself colder . I pulled my pink underwear down to the middle of my thighs , and then seated myself on a very cold square metal seat . As usual , my feet were a couple of inches off the floor and I tried to move forward a bit , a move that caused me to get a big jolt from my butt because my skin was sticking to the seat . I opened the door and Eric was right there to come in . I knew I would have a better chance of survival if I pushed hard and got it out ASAP . There was one piece , then two ( both pretty small ) and Eric , of course , asked me to stand ( more pain that I didn 't need ) and he laughed when my butt kind of squeeked as it came off the seat . He looked down , and with the help of the door being open about half way for more light , he said he could see my crap . I seated myself again , this time noticing there was less pain on my skin because my body heat had warmed the seat a little , and I pushed out the longest piece which was about six inches . I quickly turned around and told Eric he could wipe me . He grabbed my butt with one hand , while he took toilet paper off the roll with the other . I leaned over the toilet with my head toward the back of the small building and spread my legs so as to making the wiping easier for him . I counted each of the seven times . Each time he wiped me , he handed me the toilet paper so I could see how much he was getting , and I tossed it into the bowl . Honestly , he was a good wiper , and he was gentle . After number seven , I told him that would do . As I was pulling up my clothing , he aOnce we got done , the three of us decided to take the nine or ten block walk to the official entrance to the park . There 's a headquarters building there , they had hot concessions , and we needed a break . Then Gopi called her mom to pick me and her up because we were tired and getting colder . That night Gopi 's mom was going through her coat pockets to make sure she was carrying gloves , and came across the package of cigarettes . She got grounded for the rest of the week . To new guy : that was a good question actually ! I never really mentioned the wiping part ! Actually in the very few times that anyone has ever pooped in my car I just had them use tissues , which like many people I do keep in my car . Its not very often that anybody has to poop in my car so the need doesn 't come up very often . Good question though ! Now that I think about it , that one 12 year old girl didn 't even wipe herself at all actually ! No big deal I suppose ! Actually that girl was in my car again yesterday but I 'll get to that in a little bit . Glad you like my posts ! Nathalie : good elevator story ! That 's never happened to us , the classic peeing in a stuck elevator thing ! Definitely wouldn 't have a problem letting Kaylee do that though ! And congrats on your date , let me know how it goes ! Just BE CAREFUL ! ! Sorry , I 'm a mom , I have to say that ! And I 'm also a single mom so I know what some men are capable of and have fallen for my share of their tricks ! But do have fun ! I know there are good ones out there too ! Always make sure he has the same values that you do ! Ok I 'll get out of mom mode now ! Ok so here 's my story . This time it involves those 2 girls , the 12 year old and the 8 year old . I posted about them on pages 1967 and 1971 . Well , as you may remember the mom is one of the cool ones who knows about my toilet car and has also peed in it herself . And not only that , but like Laura I also told her about this site and she said two cool things when I told her . First , she said that when I posted about them I could use their real names if I wanted , and second , she said that she might also start posting on here ! So anyway the mom 's name is Lori and she 's 37 . I hope that 's not too confusing with the other mom Laura who 's 38 ! Anyway the daughters ' names are Katelyn ( 12yo ) and Emma ( 8yo ) . Ok now that 's taken care of so here 's what happened yesterday . We were all at McDonald 's for lunch and earlier that day I decided that if either of them said they needed to go to the bathroom I would offer them my car if they wanted . So later on as we were walking from my car to the McDonald 's I told Lori about it and she said it sounded like a good idea and so we all started having our lunch and then about halfway through her Chicken McNuggets Emma announced that she needed to go to the bathroom and then she started to get up from her seat . That 's when her mom said " wait honey , Miss Megan has something to tell you " and then I told her " well , Emma , you can go ahead and go to the bathroom , but if you want to , and if you can wait a few more minutes till we 're done eating , you can go ahead and go in the car if you want . " Her face lit up when she heard that . Then she said " you mean in the seat ? " I said " yeah , you can pee in the seat . " Then she said " yeah I can wait ! " And then she smiled and said " I like peeing in the car actually . " She was so cute . Then after that Katelyn spoke up and said " I have to go too , can I go in the car too ? " and I said " of course you can . " Then she smiled and she said " thanks . " And so it all worked out . We all finished eating about 20 minutes later and then we got up and went back out to my car . By thatUntil next time ! Hi ! I 'm a 16 year old girl from - maybe you already guessed : ) - Bremen , Germany . I have just discovered the site , it � s amazing ! I enjoy very much the stories from Abbie and Jasmine , because I am glad to read that I am not the only teen with constipation . A while ago I went to the toilet . I had not pooped in four days , and felt the poop inside me was finally asking for the way out . I sat and pushed , but it was not coming out . I strained and grunted heavily , after fifteen minutes I felt something started to move . I pushed and pushed and it was coming out very slowly . My ass was in pain . I felt it was very big and thick . At some point it was not coming out any more . I pushed like crazy , my eyes were in tears , but it was not moving . I wiggled my butt , but it did not drop . I was desperate and the only thing that came to my mind was to take a piece of toilet paper and cut it . It was really disgusting ! I dropped it into the toilet and went into my room with my sore bum . The rest of the turd is still inside but now I am tired to try to push more and my bum hurts , I will try again later . Constipation sucks ! 1 . Any plans on upping the odds with your friend and taking the car out and peeing in it in someplace more public ? ? Just thought it might add to the naughty factor and yall might find it even more thrilling . 2 . My second question was did you ever say anything about the girl pooping in the car ? ? Didn 't know if you addressed it up front or are just waiting for it to come up again and deal with it then . I was 16 when this happened . It was a Sunday night and my mum was having guests over for dinner . I 'd been constipated for most of the the week & the last time I pood was on the Monday morning . Well by Saturday I was feeling so bloated & uncomfortable I decided to take loads of natural laxatives like herbal tea and spinach . By Sunday night the need to poo was destroying me so I got a magazine to read & made my way to the bathroom . My mum stopped me because she saw the magazine in my hand . She said to me , " I hope your not going for a number 2 . " I just shook with fear and desperation and said , " No . " She walked away while saying , " Good because the Johnson 's will be here any minute & I don 't want you to embarrass me . " I just slowly walked upstairs thinking to myself what am I gonna do ! We only have one bathroom and I 'm not to leave the house as we have guests coming . I was panicking as my stomach started rumbling . I thought I might as well try asking so I went down to my mum and said " Seriously mum , I really need to go I haven 't gone since Monday ! " She simply said , " Sorry but you 'll have to wait . It 's not my fault you held it in all this time . " I was so angry with her . Next thing I know they arrived and after a few moments of greeting we were sat at the dinner table . All through the meal , I was fidgeting trying to hold my huge load in . I was silent the whole evening . After dinner I quietly made my way to my bedroom . I needed to fart & thought to my self at least I can let out some of the pressure . I began to release a long smelly fart that felt so good but I had to stop because I didn 't want to fill my panties . Time went slowly as I layed on my bed impatiently . The next thing I know it was the next day . I must of fell asleep . I don 't know how I managed it without pooing myself . I stood up and the most enormous urge to poo hit me . I made my way downstairs to the bathroom only to find my sister was in there . She was taking her time & I was getting super desperate . I tried to wait for her to come out of the bathroom butHold - it contest with a friend My friend Claire and I like to have hold - it contests , where we see who can go the longest without peeing . Two days ago , we met up for breakfast and agreed to have a contest . We both peed then at 8 : 30AM and the contest was on . We also drank more than normal to add some urgency to the situation . By noon I was developing an urge to pee , but it was still manageable . Time ticked on and I drank more and more water . Claire was showing signs that she had to go as well , and I could feel my need increasing each minute . 2PM came around and neither of us had gone yet , and I could tell that Claire really needed to go , but so did I , so it was anybody 's game then . Around 3PM my need to go switched from just needing to pee to needing to take a dump as well . I had lost the last three hold - its in a row , so I really wanted to win . I chose to ignore it and press on - that was my big mistake . At 3 : 30 we were both squeezing our legs together , holding our crotches with our hands . Neither one wanted to give in . 3 : 45 , I had to pee and shit really really bad . I was tempted to just go so I could have a much needed dump . Luckily for me , it was just a few minutes more before Claire gave in . I had won the contest , but I still had to wait for Claire to pee before I could get my sweet relief . We went to the bathroom and Claire yanked down her jeans and panties super fast and plopped herself on the toilet and began to pee right there on the spot . Listening to her strong hissing stream really didn 't help that I had to pee as well . I was in agony for a minute and then I just couldn 't take it anymore . I started to pee myself . Pee gushed out of me and drenched my pants and I guess I lost control and started taking a dump in my panties too . I felt a large log ease out and my panties were ballooning outward as I kept shitting . Claire noticed I was having an accident and she said she was sorry . I said that I should have just gone when I knew I had to take a dump , and she agreed with me , although she was sympathetic . She got up just as soon as she was finished peeing , and I sat down and deposited the rest of my logs in the toilet . When I had completely finished , I surveyed the damage . My panties were nearly full of my logs and on top of that , I had done several more big logs in the toilet . I wiped my butt thoroughly , then flushed my partial load down and then dumped the shit from my panties into the toilet and flushed again . Claire told me again how sorry she was about this , but I told her it was my fault . She said she wanted to make it up to me and she would take a dump in her panties too . At first I was totally against the idea . I didn 't want her to humiliate herself like I did . But she insisted that she do it , because she felt bad , like it was her fault that I had to take a dump in my panties . Claire came over in the early afternoon , although I 'm not sure exactly when . We went to the bathroom again , and she undid her belt and took of her pants . After a minute or two of waiting , I saw the bulge of a log emerging into her panties . Many more logs followed as her panties tented out and started to sag under the weight of her shit . When she was all done , she dumped her load into the toilet . I think we 'll still have our hold - it contests , but I learned that I 'd rather lose the contest than have to repeat this incident . And we found that our interest in going to the bathroom isn 't just limited to peeing , so maybe something will come of that . Although I hope I never have to do it in my panties again . So we pulled off the track away to a secluded clearing , he pull his shorts and pants down to his knees and squatted down I followed suit , I could see him side on by turning my head and he could see the same . We both strained to get thing moving I did notice that he had become aroused , I then notice his poo start to exit his bum slowly getting longer until it hit the ground , my poo was struggling to get started but once my anus stretch wide enough it it worked downwards towards the ground it certainly was big and hard . I looked back at Karl and he was pulling his shorts back up trying to hide his erection looking a bit embarrassed , I said to him I think you are enjoying this he said I sure am it is not every day i get to shit with such a sexy looking lady . I continued on with my poo with him now viewing me from behind my poo now hit the ground so I raised up abit to allow it to all come out one last push and I was done I start peeing and stood up took my tp and wiped , Karl came over and hugged me and said that was amazing how can you do such a huge turd like that you are so much smaller than me I do not come near to that size , I said well you do in other areas as I felt his erection against us . During recess , our school has the strange habit of letting the boys and girls pee in the same toilet . We use to have an lady attender who looks after us closely during all time of the day . She takes us both boys and girls to the girls toilet to pee . Well , the toilet is not a WC , but just a long room with a small canal that ends in a drain . girls just squat over the canal and pee , while boys just stand and let go . At this time , I was wondering why girls squat over and pee . One day I decided to look at them when they pee . During recess , the attender took us to the toilet for pee . I made sure I stood near a girl to pee . I and the girl started peeing , but I bent and looked between her legs and discovered it . That pee came out of a slit between a girls legs . That girl just stared at me with a little surprise , but did not stop peeing . It was a wonderful sight - pee pouring out of a slit . I looked for a few seconds and then went back to finish my business . I still vividly remember that sight till now . Jas I agree with Standee Mandy . Either squating over the toilet or carefully taking some toilet paper and placing it over the seat is far better than just sitting your butt on a public toilet seat . The number of users each day is high and what 's splashed on the seat by some many users is well , . . . . gross . I remember converting Firecracker Guy from such an unsanitary practice when we were mere friends in high school . As to Leigh , I am wondering , does Leigh make you uncomfortable or are you just annoyed by her ? She simply could be harmless and maybe unaware of her noises . Tennis players sometimes grunt because it gives a little more power or effort to their swing . Maybe she is doing this to give a little force behind her BM . Maybe she does this for attention . It is weird . It sounds like she gets somewhat of a thrill from pooping in public . Since others in your office are aware of Leigh 's toilet habits it would be interesting to see if others are ucomfortable with her antics . JW To Louisa : For reasons that don 't need to be explained here , I 've had a fwe rather intimate conversations about the health problems of Airline Stewardesses . She told me that most are plagued with constant constipation , and that many resort to enemas to maintain a regular bowel schedule . As one who grew up in the ' 50s , enemas were quite routine in my household . I just wondered if you 'd comment on the use of enemas among your co - workers ? Thanks - - JW Brammer My girlfriend Sarah stayed at mine again this weekend and dropped another large , smelly poo into my toilet . Before she arrived she said she was constipated and asked me to pick up a laxative . The first night she stayed she didn 't take any of the pills and didn 't go the toilet , same for the whole of the next day . She took a laxative in the evening before bed , and when she woke up this morning , both of us hungover , I heard her go into the toilet and sit down . Immediately there was a wet farting sound , followed by two loud plops , after which she sighed audibly . She stayed sat there for a few minutes , every so often I 'd hear another splashing sound and a sigh . While I was lying in my bed the faint smell of her dump drifted into my room and started getting stronger and stronger . After she was finished wiping and was washing her hands , I went in to clean my teeth . She said ' Oh leave it a few minutes , I 've just had a poo , it absolutely stinks in here ' but I wanted to clean my teeth . I knew it was going to be bad , and sure enough I could hardly breathe in there . My girlfriend 's very pretty and small , but the stuff that comes out of her bottom is absolutely foul . I don 't mind though . I have posted once before , about a year ago , but I don 't remember what name I used ( not my real one of course ) . But I had a near accident last week that I wanted to share . I dropped my kids off at school and went to the gym . After my workout , I drank quite a bit . I had some other errands to run before I went home , so I grabbed a coffee an ran to a couple of stores . My last errand was grocery shopping , and as I pushed the cart around the store , I noticed that my bladder was starting to feel the effects of all that I had drunk . I really hate public bathrooms , so I decided I could wait . I finished up my shopping and got in line . There were only two cashiers though , and several people in both lines already . Unfortunately I picked the wrong line , and twenty minutes later I was still waiting , and by then I really needed to pee . Badly . I am sure some of it was psychological , because I started thinking about how I hadn 't peed in five hours , and how much I had drunk since then . I was so close to just ditching my cart in line , but I just squeezed my thighs and hoped I could hold on . It felt like a slow trickle was coming out , and my heart was pounding , my cheeks bright red . Somehow though , I held on . I oaid for my groceries , and literally sprinted to my car , loaded the groceries , and sat down to drive home . My panties were fairly wet , the whole crotch and even up my butt a bit were wet and sticky . But , I was able to hold the rest until I got home . Paco the Taco The first one was as soon as we got there . I actually had to go on the plane the whole time and I would have , but there was always a line for the lavatory , and I didn 't want to be embarrassed by being in there and making everyone wait . So as soon as we got our rental car we went straight to the hotel and I didn 't tell my parents about my problem . It was about 20 minutes to the hotel and I watched as my parents checked in , but didn 't return with a room key . We were early and the room wasn 't made up yet , so we had to wait . I told my parents I would go check out the pool and beach area , so I could find a restroom . Finally someone came out of the gate so I could get in , because you needed a room key to open it . The bathroom was small with one stall and one urinal , and the stall didn 't even have partitions . It was just there in the corner with no walls or doors . The worst part was that the door did not have a lock on it . Anyone could come in and use the urinal while someone else pooped . Luckily I was the only one in there and I sat quickly . I started with a pee and had a gigantic poop , it was solid but soft and curled around the bowl . There was also a shorter one after it . With my first wipe I saw that I would be using a lot of paper , so I threw it in the trash to avoid clogging . On my second or third wipe I was actually turned around facing the toilet bent over all the way , when someone else walked in to the sight of my dirty butt crack ! They gasped and I saw it was a kid about my age , and I quickly spun around and apologized . He also apologized for not knocking and I said no reason to be sorry theres no lock and he laughed . He said he needed the sit - toilet and I said I would be done soon . He waited by the door , but in the bathroom ( kinda wierd ) . I only needed two more wipes which I also threw in the garbage , because at this point I REALLY didn 't want to clog it . I went to flush and it was an automatic flush . I waved my hand and moved all around at it and even pushed the button , but the damn thing would not flush , i P . S . I went back to that bathroom to pee while swimming later , and the toilet was still messed up , with about thirty poop logs in it , and a litle bit of diarrhea . I feel sooo bad for that janitor . ive been lurking on the site for a while and this is my first post . well today in class this hot girl that sits near me lets call her kayla . kayla is a out 5 ' 6 " probaly a b cup and one of the best asses you will ever see . she was squirming in class a lot today and kept asking to go to the bathroom but the teacher kept saying no . then qbout 3 quarters through class she the teacher said yes and she got up slowly . she slowly began to waddle towards the door and had to go between the person in front of me and my desks she had to turn sideways to fit and with her big ass she had to go on her tip toes and place her ass on my desk and slide past . while she was about halfway she stopped and let out a little pfffft and said oh no and then all you could hear was a crackling sound and in her lulu lemon pants a buldge was forming . she was too embarassed to move . by the time she was done the buldge was probaly the size of a dogde ball she went to the bathroom and left to go home Two weeks ago , the twins and I went on a road trip to Busch Gardens . We were all riding in Tom 's Escalade and singing along to Good Charlotte 's latest single when , to our horror , Tom 's car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere . We all groaned , and Tom said apologetically , " Sorry guys . I forgot to fill up the tank this morning . " He then let out a loud fart that sounded like a duck quacking . Bill followed with an even louder fart , and I let out a fart so loud that it could be heard across the country . We started laughing while letting out more farts , and we knew that we had to take a huge shit . Luckily , the nearest rest stop was only 5 minutes away , and Bill even spotted a restroom and a gas station next to the rest stop . We pushed the car to the gas station , and decided to go to the restroom after the car was filled up . The restroom that we went to was a unisex restroom ; it had at least 10 stalls along each side of the wall and some urinals by the entrance . I took the third stall , while Tom took the stall to my left and Bill took the stall to my right . We all pulled down our jeans and underwear and sat down while letting out a few more farts . I let out two turds while Bill and Tom started to strain . Both twins were pushing up on tiptoes as they tried to push the monster turds out . After about 5 minutes , Bill 's monster turds finally came out with huge plops while Tom 's plops followed right after . I let out several more turds of my own . Then , I heard the twins start to strain and grunt again , and I knew that they weren 't done yet . I asked , " Are you two shitting out tennis balls ? " They said yes at the same time , and Tom was grunting the loudest of them two . I had just started to wipe my butt when Tom 's tennis ball - sized shit finally came out with a great splash while Bill 's followed with an even bigger splash . Both twins were breathing heavily as I came out to wash my hands . Tom came out a few minutes after to wash his hands as well . Bill , however , was still in his stall , so it was obvious that he STILL wasn 't done . Bill said with a strain in his voice , " Can one of you guys wait in here for me , please ? " I told Tom to wait in the car and that I would stay with Bill . Tom complied , and left the restroom . Bill unlocked the stall door so that I could come in with him . He was squatting over the toilet while making really loud straining noises . I rubbed his back and encouraged him to push a little bit harder . After 5 more minutes , several more giant logs came out of Bill with loud plops . He turned around so that I could wipe his butt . We flushed the mess and went over to the sinks so that we could wash our hands . We then got into the car where Tom was waiting for us with snacks that he purchased , and we drove to Busch Gardens without any further incidents . . . . until we actually got there . I accidentally submitted my last post before I was done , so sorry if this first part is a repeat . Anyway , a few days ago I was at the gym . I had just finished up my workout and got into the elevator to take me to the locker rooms . A really cute boy from my school got in with me . His name is Scott , Whinnie and I call him Scotty the hottie . We recognized each other , but we don 't talk at school . I was trying to make small talk with him when the elevator stopped . Neither of us had cell phones , so we were stuck waiting until someone noticed . At first I was excited to be stuck with Scott , then I realized I had to pee . Bad . I had a lot of water to drink during my workout . Scott noticed my discomfort and asked if I was okay . I told him I was closterphobic because I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth . I kept thinking about Whinnie and how she would just pee herself right there , but I was shy and embarrassed . It was getting to the point where I couldn 't sit comfortably . My bladder hurt and I felt like I was going to lose it any minute . I wanted to shove my hand in my crotch and bounce , but didnt want him to see . I held on for a bit longer when Scott said something funny and I laughed . Pee shot out . I gasped and was able to cut the stream off before any visable damage was done . Scott again asked what was wrong . This time I blurted out , I have to pee ! I thought he would be grossed out , but he looked at me and said , so go pee . He told me he would turn his back while I squatted in the corner . I had to go to bad to protest , although I was humiliated . I pulled down my shorts and squatted in the corner . I thought it would take a bit to get going , but pee instantly gushed out . It made a really loud splatter noise into the carpet . I felt like it went on forever . I finally finished , pulled up my shorts , and told Scott it was okay to turn around . I kept apologizing and he was like , for what ? Everyone pees . He told me his little sister had peed in some interesting places in emergencies and that he 's seen it all . Soon , the elevator was up and running and we were free . I said goodbye to Scott when he stopped me and asked me out . Our date is tomorrow ! Next page : Old Posts page 1987 >< Previous page : 1989 Back to the Toilet ToiletStool . com , " Boldly bringing . com to your bodily functions . " Go to Page . . . Forum Survey |
I had loads of fun scrapbooking this weekend with some friends . I almost finished an album for my son and his family . I still have to put down some journaling blocks and decorations on the page though . They will have to either journal the pages or tell me what to write as I don 't know what I am looking at in the pictures . I ended up with 60 pages and only about 5 of them are blank . Guess I will talk about my dad 's mother tonight . Her given name was Mary Ophelia Coulon and she was born in Hamburg , Louisiana , in 1898 . She had a sister and several brothers . Her parents were Pierre Albert Coulon and Laura Stepp . Her father was French and her mother was part Cherokee Indian . We all called her Mamo . She married my grandfather , Charles Howard Jeffress , Sr . and they had one son , my dad . I don 't know when or where they met , but my grandfather was in the Army during WWI . They ended up in California . My dad was born in San Francisco , California in 1920 . I don 't know their ages when they had him . Primarily , my grandmother was a beautician and my grandfather , after his service years , was a shoe salesman . He was from Waxahatchie , Texas . I know that they divorced when my dad was young and she married George Fluke . After George died and years later , she remarried my dad 's dad and they lived in Louisiana until his death . At some point in time , she started doing ceramics and taught others how to do that craft . She was very proficient in China painting and also in making these ceramic dolls with lace skirts , one of which I have . When our family moved from California , she followed shortly and opened a ceramic business . I used to go with her to Shreveport and buy molds . It was always a special day and we would eat out at the Bamboo each time . We ate there for years until the place closed sometime after Bill and I married and moved to Louisiana . She taught ceramics in the City Park and I was her helper . I loved cleaning the ceramics , but hated doing anything else to them . I loved mixing the slip as I loved the earthy smell of it . I loved tPosted by I have been sitting here trying to decide which brother to start with , but we were a unit and I believe I will just have to tell about all three of them at the same time . First of all , we were close in age , three of us , and then there was John . I am the oldest , then two years later is Chuck , 18 months later is Wayne , and 7 years from Wayne , came John . I was born in South Carolina during WWII . After the war , my parents moved to California and that is where Chuck and Wayne were born . There were only three of us for almost 10 years of my life . We played together I guess from the beginning . I remember a few things from California , but only remember my brothers from our Louisiana days . I do , however , recall Chuck throwing a fit for his own ice cream cone at Punch and Judy 's on Vine Street in Hollywood . We were all supposed to share one , but he pitched such a fit that he got his own . Maybe that is when the seed was planted that life isn 't always fair . That is what Bill tells me all of the time - that we weren 't promised fairness in this lifetime . I am a stickler for fairness . When we moved to Alexandria around 1951 , we lived in a duplex . You walked into the front room and there was a hall to the left . Down the hall there were two doors on the right - kitchen and bathroom , and a door at the end of the hall - bedroom . Now , I slept on a Hollywood couch which doubled as a bed at night up in the living room . My brothers had a bed in my parents bedroom . I had to wait out school a year when we moved to Louisiana because they didn 't have a kindergarten class in Alexandria as they had in California . I enrolled in Rosenthal Elementary School on Monroe street and went to school there for the first and second grade . My first grade teacher was named Mrs . Tower , but I don 't know who my second grade teacher was . She must not have impressed me . In the first grade room we had tables pushed together and four of us sat facing each other by twos . I am sure this is where I learned to read , but I do not remember doing anything at that school . I Posted by I just love snapdragons . There are some growing outside my back door . Did you know you can pinch the flower off , put your fingers on either side where the flower separates , mash , and voile ' , you have a puppet ? We used to play with them when we were children and could find them . They aren 't something everyone grows . My husband knows that I love them and keeps me some to play with . Yes , I still have to play with snapdragons . Today I will share some things about my dad . He is called Jeff and I think I forgot to say my mom is another Jane . My dad is a junior , my brother the III , and his son the IV . Would you believe we all have the same middle name ? My mother was going to name me Laura Jane after my paternal great - grandmother and herself . However , I was a WWII baby and when I was born my dad was shipping out . He wanted to have someone carry a family name and since I was the first child , I got the honor of having a boy 's name . My middle name is Howard . There was only one teacher who was allowed to call me by my whole name , Jane Howard , and I kept it a secret until I grew up . If someone found out , I would almost go into hiding . Now it doesn 't bother me in the least , but back then I might as well have had a red A printed on my forehead . I had a wise teacher in college who told us to choose a child 's name wisely as they would have to bear it thoughout their lives and to watch what their initials spelled too . For instance , my husband 's initials spell WET . Guess it was meant for us to hook up with names like we had . My dad was born in California and spent his young years there and in Oregon . His dad was a veteran and they moved from post to post . He ended up in a military school at a young age and I guess it was with his best interest in mind with having to move schools , but I always thought it was very cruel of his parents to leave him so young . He is an only and how he ever survived four of us is beyond me . He likes his peace and quiet and I know for a fact that for years and years he never had any peace with a daughter anPosted by I wasn 't able to write last night as I think I have the flu . I had chills yesterday and couldn 't get warm until Bill made some chicken noodle soup and then I was peeling out of socks , my flannel shirt , and out from under the cover . That warmed me up considerably . I have felt like a mac truck ran over me and then made another pass to make sure the job was done . Today , I have felt a bit better and have caught up on my email . Today I think I will write about my mother . I guess she is on my mind because she called today to say they had snow at Red River , but had gone on to see some of the trees and a deep gorge . Glad it is them seeing the gorge because heights and I don 't get along at all . It would be torture for me to even be near something deep . My mom is a knitter . At 84 , those needles are clacking all the time . She loves making baby things and I believe everyone in the immediate and extended family has something she has knitted for their baby . She also knits the most wonderful wash clothes . They are soft and I am kind of ashamed to say I don 't use mine . I am saving them for a rainy day . I just don 't want to mess them up . I might never get another one . Mama was a stay - at - home mother . She did play bridge once a month , but you could always find her when school was out . She didn 't like cooking then , but makes the most wonderful potato salad , tuna fish , congealed salads , and we learned to love hot dogs and hamburgers . We were laughing the other day when I was there for a visit saying that we ate good on Sundays . My dad 's mother would cook a full meal and bring it to our house . My brothers would meet her at the car and try and get to the food before she got it into the house . Her specialty was fried chicken and these roll - ups with chili peppers in them . You take some crescent rolls , flatten them out , put a piece of pepper from the can of Old El Paso , and a stick of cheese , roll them up and bake them . I think I could eat one million of them . She was a good cook . Mama 's cooking has improved over the years and she can set ouPosted by I was just reading a blog where the woman told about a person a day and it got me thinking - I wonder if I can think of 365 people who I can talk about . I think I can . # 1 BillBill and I met back in 1970 . Back then , he was a Roman Catholic priest stationed in my hometown . I went to midnight mass one Christmas and there was like an aura around him while he was preaching . No lie ! Whatever he said that night gave me the courage I needed to want to take instructions in the Catholic faith . I was strongly influenced my my paternal great - grandfather . I never saw Poppee put one bite of food into his mouth that he didn 't recite his Rosary . I really didn 't know what he was doing at the time because I was raised a Methodist , but it impressed itself on my young brain . My next door neighbor and another friend two doors down were both Catholic girls . I guess there were a lot of Catholics in our neighborhood . Even before them , my across - the - street neighbor was Catholic and I can remember them not having the same holidays as we did in school . When we were out and they had to go to school , I would go with them . The nuns were fascinating to me and boy did they demand respect . When they walked into the classroom , everyone stood until told to be seated . I went to public school and we didn 't have anything remotely like that . I looked forward to our holidays so I could go with them to school . My first piano teacher was Sister Francilla and was she ever a stickler for playing the piano with form . If your hands weren 't curved just right over the keys , she would take the thinnest baton and whap you across the knuckles . You paid attention to what she said . Getting back to Bill . After the new year came , I called the rectory and told the secretary I wanted to take instructions and didn 't want the black headed priest or the old one , but I wanted the one with the red hair . I understand that they really got a kick out of that request . I took my instructions and after Kenny , my husband , came home from his stint in the Army , he watched the children , Posted by Of all things , I have caught a cold . Drat ! ! ! I wonder if it is because I got my flu shot or if it is just one of those things . I bet I sneezed 20 time in a row last night without stopping . We went for check - ups and our doctor said we needed exercise . I could have saved her some time on that one . How well do I know how badly I need to exercise . She suggested a stationary bike and I told her we have one in the shed that is probably 20 years old . Her next suggestion was to join a gym . Well , since I had therapy after her , I purchased a couples plan at the gym where I go for therapy . The way I look at it is , if I have spent that much money , surely to goodness I will make the time to drive those 22 miles one way and go . Forty - four years ago today Melyssa was born . We are going out tomorrow night for supper with them to celebrate . We saw Terrell in the big W today and he said he called her office to tell her secretary to wish her a happy birthday since she hoped to fly under the radar all day long . They went out and bought a cake and did a party . That was very thoughtful and nice of them . Bill went for his first gym session today when I was doing therapy . He said he was surprised that he wasn 't sore . Hahaha . Just wait until tomorrow . I increased my numbers on this machine where your ankles go behind a bar and you swing your legs out and up and I think maybe I needed to leave it alone . Talk about stiff and sore . It isn 't even tomorrow and I can hardly walk . I hear my new clock playing music in the other room . I have had my eye on it for about a year and the other day when I was in the jewelry store picking up a ring , I told the girl that I wanted it . She said I could put it on layaway , but I told her I might be dead as a doornail by the time it got paid for . I had a bit of money tucked aside and went on and got it . It has the sweetest music on the hour . I might have to move it into the bedroom so I can hear it better . If I am busy , I miss hearing it . At Christmas , it has some songs for that time of the year . I love that clocPosted by Whew ! ! ! I thought my blog had gone into cyberspace never to be found again this evening . I went to post and only got one posting . I panicked ! ! ! Using Google , I put in my name and found the blog , but couldn 't get to the place to post . Next , I copied all of my posts to a Word document so I could recreate the blog . When I finished that , it hit me like a ton of bricks . My mind was what was in cyberspace ! ! ! I had used my regular email to sign in with and not my gmail address . Put in the gmail addy and BINGO ! ! ! Here I am and can try and catch up . Nothing other than going to therapy has been going on and I guess that is why I haven 't posted in a while . One sentence isn 't very interesting . Yesterday morning , my granddaughter whose wedding was this coming Saturday evening , went to her mother , my daughter , and said she wanted to call it off . Of course , it was a shock and disappointment coming at the 99th hour , but we are so thankful she didn 't go through with it if that isn 't what she really wanted . Yes , tons and tons of money went down the tube with her announcement , but had she gone through with the wedding , then we would have had the agony of a divorce and there might have been children involved then . For a 19 year old , it took a lot of courage on her part to call it off . My daughter went to work and had to leave and come back home . She woke me from a dead sleep to see if I could help her call everyone on our list of invitees and tell them not to come . She had to spend the day dealing with vendors to little avail . It was nearly 9 PM when I finished the task and every person I spoke with agreed that her decision , though a tough one , was the right one and that it took a lot of character to say it wasn 't what she wanted to do after all . I just wonder how many other girls go on with the wedding knowing in their heart - of - hearts that it isn 't what they want and then have to go through a divorce . That might be why there are so many divorces these days . Now that that is behind us , we just have to be supportive of Em 's decision and Posted by This has been a fast paced week . We didn 't do one thing on Labor Day , but had fun none - the - less . Slept late and then stayed on the computer all the rest of the day . Therapy this week . I refused to do the stuff for my shoulders . Having several days off made me realize that my shoulder was hurting after therapy , but not as badly when I let it settle down for several days . One of the therapists really gets out of joint when I refuse to do something and always says she is going to have to talk to the head guy about it . Hey , it is my body and I can do with it as I please . He must have told her I didn 't have to do it , but she said that now we will be aggressive with the knees . She put me on this contraption where you are sitting at an angle , there are different amounts of weights that are on it , you put your ankles behind this bar , and then you swing your legs up . Geez , but that wasn 't any fun at all . In fact , when I got home I got a cramp in my quads that I thought would never leave . I have gotten my leg to 3 . 5 degrees with zero as a goal . I don 't think I can reach zero in the time I have left at therapy . I will do the best that I can and my doctor will have to be happy with that . We also went to the stairs and I was supposed to put my right foot on the step and then step up without holding on to anything . Couldn 't do it . She let me put my hand on the rail , but I wasn 't supposed to use it to hoist myself up . What she doesn 't know won 't hurt her . Probably won 't help me , but I did try and not use my hand for leverage - it just happened that it did help to get me up on that step . I did tell her that my quads definitely need developing more . Went to the dentist for my 6 month cleaning and NO CAVITIES ! ! ! ! ! That temporary crown was hanging on a thread and the dentist re - cemented it . My new crown should be in this next Wednesday , just in time for the wedding . Yeah ! ! ! I certainly don 't want to be a snuggled toothed granny at the wedding . From there , I came back through town and went in the opposite direction to Many to get my oil Posted by Yesterday M ' lys and I went to Natchitoches and Alexandria still trying to find something she would be happy wearing to the wedding in two weeks . No luck on Front Street , so we ran out to one of the shops on the other side of the river . She found two dresses and shoes , but said she was afraid one of the dresses was a bit too short . We decided to go on to Alexandria and get my mother 's opinion . Both dresses were tried on and modeled and the suit she loved was too short and made her look short . Kind of boxy looking in fact . She tried the other dress and it fit , but still wasn 't what she was looking for . She is going to keep it though for church and work . Peep ( Mama ) , M ' lys , and I loaded up and went to the mall to one of the larger department stores . As soon as we got to the department she was looking for , there were three outfits for her to try . The first one she tried on was fancy , but you could see the shoulder pads through the chiffon and that looked tacky . Plus , it was too large on her . She tried on the one that I liked , but she looked like she was one of the bride 's maids instead of the bride 's mother . We got a good laugh on that one . Lastly , she tried on the three piece outfit and it was a keeper . Off to the shoe department and I found the perfect pair of shoes and they had them in her size . I liked them so much that I had the guy bring me a pair in a different color . Well , I have a huge foot , but my heel is narrow and I took two steps and those buddies had to come off and quickly . Of course , they want you to buy them and said I could put some kind of non - slip strip inside , but I put them back in the box and thanked them for trying . Guess I will infuriate my folks and wear my clogs like I usually do . I do have some that might work for a wedding . Who cares anyway . If someone wants to comment about my shoes , let them . Like I really care . We took back one of the dresses she had picked out in Natchitoches and then went to an upscale boutique to try and find the right pair of earrings for the bride . They didn 't have whPosted by I have played around with my blog this evening trying to learn more about how to add things on here . I am going to try and add some more pictures . I hope I don 't mess up anything . My weekend was straightened out by my sweet son tonight . I have been torn between both children for the weekend . I didn 't get to see Heath last weekend when he and his family were at home . They are coming back in this weekend as it is the opening of dove season and he and Gunnar want to hunt those tasty little birds . I can still taste a friend 's mom 's way of cooking them - wrap in bacon , soak in something , and then smoke them . All you get is a tiny bite , but man are they delectable . Yummy stuff ! ! ! Getting back to this weekend . Melyssa isn 't happy with the dress she has picked out for the wedding and wants to see what they have in Natchitoches and Alexandria . I mentioned if nothing there , maybe Leesville might have something . Large circuitous trip , but if she can find something comfortable and that she likes , then she will enjoy her daughter 's wedding much more . Here is the dilemma - go with Melyssa shopping or stay and see Heath and his crew . He came up with a win - win for me and both of them . I will go with her shopping on Saturday and then go and see him and his family Sunday morning before they leave to go back to Arkansas . Now I can quit worrying about it . The UPS man brought me a box today and I had to wait until I got home from therapy to get into it . I tried to slice into it with my keys , but that is some hard tape . I had to end up using scissors on it . Lots and lots of things for my Cuttlebug and also my Cricut machines . I have lots of new toys to play with . The pens for the wedding keep calling me and I keep ignoring them . It won 't be a hard thing to do , but time consuming and I won 't get to farm or collect my Hatchlings if I am not in front of my computer . Oh , this retired life is so hard sometime . LOL Yes , it is an art doing nothing and an even greater art choosing which thing not to do first . Now , I am going to try and add some picPosted by When I got up this morning , it occurred to me that my dentist appointment to have a fitting for my crown wouldn 't give me time to get it in before the wedding . I almost panicked . Instead of leaving with just enough time to get to therapy , I left 30 minutes earlier so I could stop by the dentist to see what could be done to calm my nerves . When I arrived , I showed the receptionist where there wouldn 't be time enough for a tooth to get back by the 18th if my appointment wasn 't until the 10th . She pulled the appointment up on the computer and said there wasn 't one for the impression to be made . The one on the 10th was for a cleaning . Now what ? Some children didn 't show up for their appointments and once in the chair , my dentist said I must be right with God because I had gotten in the same day I checked . I had to miss therapy , but hey , that is fine with me . Now I will go on the 16th to pick up the crown and will be able to open my mouth on the 19th . I don 't know how I could have kept it shut when this is my first granddaughter getting married . Keeping my mouth shut isn 't something I do very well . LOL This is the second day in a row that I have had a " fat , numb " lip . So glad this is the first and only time that has ever happened and hope it is the last . A friend sent me a link to a Louisiana blog and I have spent the last two hours reading and blog hopping . I do wish people would say where they are from someplace on their blog . I have noticed many of them don 't . Who knows , they may live in the next parish and could become a real friend instead of a cyber friend . Must get back to the blogs , but just wanted to check in so I didn 't forget the tooth ( toothless ) story . Later |
We were up bright and early , just putting the last bits and pieces in the car when the phone rang . It was my daughter Kristie , who lived with my twin sister Tina and her husband , Woody , and their family . She told me that Tina was in hospital about to have an emergency operation . She had suffered a brain haemorrhage late on Wednesday night and was due in theatre any minute to have life saving brain surgery . I felt my legs go to jelly and I could hardly speak . I had been speaking to Tina only the evening before and she had been totally fine . I went straight to Tina 's house as her children all needed to be cared for and I wanted to be with Kristie too . Tina and Woody had been unable to have children and had adopted seven learning disabled children over the course of several years . They ranged in age from three to seventeen at the time . It was an unreal morning , trying to hold myself together for the sake of the children , but desperately waiting for the phone call from Woody , who was at the hospital , to find if she had made it through the surgery . Finally just after lunch Woody rang to say she was in intensive care but that the surgery had been successful . I was over the moon . I had been praying so hard and felt that my prayers had been answered . Within a couple of days Tina was moved to the High Dependency Unit and was doing well . She complained of the most dreadful headache but the staff told us that was quite normal due to her brain surgery . After just a few more days Tina was moved to a general neurological ward and appeared to be making excellent progress . She was able to walk and talk quite normally and have a shower and walk around the ward . The expectation was that she would be home within the week ! Kristie and I were visiting her daily and on the Thursday , just a week after her operation , we had all been sitting chatting about the programmes she would be watching that evening when the nurse brought her tea , which included a small bowl of ice cream . Within minutes Tina 's speech was becoming confused and then I noticed that she was having problems eating her ice cream . Her hand was making odd movements and she was unable to hold the spoon . I alerted the staff on the ward and they explained that she might have some fluid on the brain and would carry out a lumbar puncture to release any fluid . When I left the hospital that evening I was obviously concerned , but the staff had been very reassuring and it seemed that this was quite normal and that the lumbar puncture was routine . The following morning I rang the hospital and they asked me to visit urgently . They explained that Tina was once again in intensive care . I was not at all prepared for what faced me that day . The consultant explained that Tina had suffered a massive stroke due to having a vasospasm , a rare side effect of the brain surgery . In layman 's terms , the blood vessels within her brain had gone into spasm and no blood had been able to reach the frontal lobes . I was warned that they fully expected her to die . I don 't know how I managed to physically stand by her bed , I was shaking and crying so much . She was lying there covered with wires and tubes , buzzers kept going off and she was fitting , which was terrifying to watch . The machines that were keeping her alive required almost constant attention by the special nurses who were with her . I couldn 't believe that she had been doing so well and now they really thought she would die . I prayed so much that day , I asked God why this happened and kept telling Tina over and over again how much I loved her and that she would come through this ok . When I eventually left the hospital that evening I emailed every healer I could find on the internet asking if they could please send Tina healing . I really didn 't think I 'd be able to sleep that night , but nervous exhaustion thankfully sent me straight to sleep . I awoke in the morning dreading the news from the hospital . I phoned and they said she was ' stable ' , but added that there had been no improvement . I went to the hospital as soon as I could and was met by the ward sister who told me to expect the worse . She explained that only the machines were keeping her alive , and even if she did survive the prognosis was that she would be severely disabled and unable to enjoy any quality of life as her brain was so badly damaged . Yet again I sat with her , talking to her , stroking her hand gently . I prayed that she would not leave me . I had lost my Mum , my Dad and my brother all within the space of three and half months just a few years before , and I just couldn 't bear the thought of losing my twin sister too . I talked to her about our childhood , about the fun we used to have , about family memories , even about the battles we 'd had . I just felt that I could not give up . I was sure one day that she had lightly squeezed my hand as I was about to leave , but the nurses assured me that she wouldn 't be able to do that . They said that her brain was unable to distinguish my voice and that she most probably did not have the ability to understand anything I said to her . I ignored their advise and just carried on chatting to her right up until the moment I had to leave in the evenings . Days went by and there was no progress and it became more and more likely that she would just fade away . I was totally heartbroken . I had never lived through such a time . Being an identical twin is impossible to really understand unless you are a twin yourself . We had been together since before we were born . We had shared virtually every part of our lives , most of our childhood and teenage experiences , and even though we had fought dreadfully at times , we were always there for each other and loved one another more than can be explained . Now , days in to her stroke , I was trying to come to terms with the real possibility that this was the end . That I would not have my twin sister anymore . They decided to carry out a further operation to install a shunt , a drain in her brain , which would release the fluid from her brain into her stomach . The operation was in itself risky , but without it she didn 't stand a chance , the fluid in her brain was building all the time . Again there was the dreadful time of waiting to see if she had pulled through and thankfully she did . We waited for a couple more days to see if there was any improvement , but still Tina just lay there motionless , on full life support , with every vein in her body seemingly linked to some needle to give her life saving fluids and drugs . They even had to start using the veins in her feet as they were running out of veins in her arms , her hands and her shoulders . I continually asked God why this was happening and what more could I do to help her and her family through this , but I was too upset to hear any answers . Finally , in desperation , I called a medium that I found on the internet . I didn 't want to phone anyone who knew me , I really wanted someone who had no previous knowledge of who I was . Immediately she began speaking to me , she described our Dad in the most wonderful detail , and told me that he was talking about someone very close to me who had suffered a bleed on the brain . She said this person was in a critical condition and was literally between worlds . She then went on to describe our Mum , both physically and her character , and said that she was with both of us . Amazingly she also described our brother and said that he was looking over us and that he was giving me the strength to cope with it all . She told me that Tina was aware of them with her . I asked her why this was happening and she said that Tina had chosen to go through this before she was born . She explained that it was an experience Tina 's soul had wanted and importantly it would show who would support her and who wouldn 't , who would be able to understand , and who would turn away due to the severity of the situation . I did ask if Tina would survive and the medium told me that she couldn 't answer that , but said that Tina had a very strong spirit and that whatever happened was supposed to happen . I was stunned by such an accurate reading , but still had wished that I could have been told what would be the outcome . The next day I went into the hospital again and as I walked in I said my usual ' Hi Sis ' and took her hand . I was sure her eyelids moved and then thought I felt her gently squeeze my hand again . I didn 't mention it to the nurses , who I felt sure thought I was imagining it , but inside I felt a warm glow and a real sense of joy . Something in me realised that she had turned the corner , that she would be ok . For the first time in weeks I felt an inner calm , an inner strength , I knew I could cope , as if I had been shown there was light at the end of the tunnel . I was full of optimism for her future . Tina 's small movements became almost like a secret code between her and I . Many times that day her eyelids moved as I said something funny and her fingers softly brushed mine . I gave her a kiss goodbye before I left and said I 'd see her the next day . The following day I was over the moon to see that Tina had her tracheostomy tube removed . She could breathe on her own ! That was a huge hurdle . As usual I said ' Hi Sis ' when I arrived and I almost fell over when a few moments later she uttered , in a very hoarse voice , ' Hi ' - she was back ! ! ! The nurses were laughing and clapping and the whole atmosphere in the unit was lifted . She didn 't say anything again for a few days , but she still kept moving her eyelids and through her squeezing my hand I could feel her strength grow day by day . After several more weeks Tina slowly made progress to the point where she was transferred to a neurological rehabilitation unit within the hospital . She was paralysed on her right side , still doubly incontinent , unable to even turn herself , unable to swallow food , and only able to say a few words , but she could laugh , and we would share afternoons laughing at the times we had been through together . I would sit with her and we would watch comedy shows and it would lift her spirits . It really did seem that through joy and laughter she became better and better . Through everything that had happened to her she had managed somehow to keep her sense of humour . Over the two years Tina spent in two specialist rehabilitation hospitals , she showed incredible inner strength and courage , overcoming the most enormous obstacles . Learning to do even the most basic things from scratch which most of us take for granted . She suffered dreadful setbacks , crippling pain in her paralysed arm and leg , frustration of a damaged brain that would not function as she wished , and the agony of a broken hip from falling over when trying to use a walking stick . She had to be admitted to a normal hospital for a hip replacement operation and this caused even more problems as people didn 't understand her speech and her understanding of language , having had such a serious brain injury . Everytime they asked her if she required painkillers she said yes , even if she didn 't , and by the time she was returned to the rehab unit she was totally bombed by the amount of morphine in her body . It took weeks for her to get back to some sense of normality . She suffered incredible loneliness and depression whilst trying to come to terms with the fact that most importantly , she had lost her independence . There were so many experiences that had me in tears over the time she was in hospital , but one of the most memorable occasions for me was when she was first able to stand , albeit with support , and we could have a hug . It was the best hug I 'd ever had . We were both in tears as for the first time in many months I held her in my arms and she could hug me back too . Another wonderful memory was just before her first Christmas in hospital . The nurses organised a Carol Service and arranged for a local choir to come along and we all sat singing the carols . Many of the patients sang too , including Tina , who still has a beautiful singing voice . They gave her a microphone and she sang Once in Royal David 's City . With tears streaming down my face it took me straight back to when we were both five and were angels in our school nativity play and we had sung that very song together back then . I was amazed by the most wonderful work the teams at the rehabilitation units undertook to get Tina as far along the recovery route as possible . Their patience and understanding was incredible . I was overwhelmed by the gentleness and kindness of other relatives visiting their loved ones who were also going through the most traumatic times and yet there was a camaraderie between us all , all supporting one another and all living for the time when those dear to us would regain even a little of their lives . The love within the rehab units was so strong . They were places of both immense sadness and unbelievable joy , much laughter and sometimes , sadly , unbearable heartache . I was stunned by the kindness from the wonderful worldwide community of healers , many of whom stayed in contact with me throughout her two years in hospital . The strangers , literally scattered across the globe who showed an interest and continued to send their healing thoughts to Tina . I will never be able to thank them enough . I was so saddened by the lack of support from the friends and relatives that Tina had . I would never have thought that those whom she had loved and considered close backed away and found themselves too busy to even phone to find out how she was . I was appalled by the total lack of support from social services who I had assumed would be able to offer some kind of help to Woody and the children , but who in reality basically told me that as the children had been adopted and not fostered there was nothing they could do . Just as the medium had said , it was an experience which showed people 's true colours . It was an eye - opener where friends and relatives were concerned , but it has made us both realise who really matters and who had only been there for the good times . The marriage vow , ' for better , for worse ' , often comes to my mind when I think of the people in Tina 's life who moved away from her and her family during this time , when they needed the love and support the most , and sadly received it the least . Some people even voiced that they felt it would have been better that she had just died . It is something I have tried to understand , but just can 't grasp . Maybe the lessons are for all of them , maybe they too one day may require those they hold dear to have the patience and understanding to deal with such a trauma , who knows . Some things are beyond my comprehension and maybe I will find the answers when I am once again back with my family in the spirit world . Tina amazed all the consultants and specialists involved in her care . They said many times that her recovery was a miracle , that it should have been impossible for her to make the progress that she has . Although paralysed on her right side she is still improving . She has learnt to walk again , to eat again , has regained her speech , kept most of her memories and importantly has made new friends through her involvement in stroke clubs that she regularly attends . She has become an avid reader , has learnt to master her i - phone and laptop , how to use Spotify to listen to her favourite music , and can play a mean game of scrabble ! I feel blessed that I still have my sister and that I have been able to share in such an enlightening experience . I thank Mum , Dad and our brother Ray , for the continued love and support they have given us , without which I am sure I would have crumbled . I thank God for Tina 's ongoing recovery and for the strength I was given to cope with this . Most of all I thank Tina for being my twin , she is an inspiration . I have recently been questioning one of my deepest held beliefs . Not that I would ever doubt spirits existence , or that we are eternal souls , no , I have no problems with that . What I have been doubting is the almost universal belief that somehow , love conquers all . It seems to me that everywhere I look , either on Facebook or within spiritual internet sites , the over - riding message is that love is all you need , love will overcome anything , love is the key to happiness . I have been struggling with this the past few years . Yes , I believe that if we all based our decisions on love , our actions on love and our thoughts on love , the world would be a better place , but unfortunately not everyone does ! Maybe it is true in the universal sense , and maybe it is also true in a soul sense , when you take many lives and average it all out , but I 'm talking about this one particular physical life we are living right now . In my experience , and that of some of my closest friends , no matter how much you love someone , they can still use you , betray you and abuse you . Recently a very dear friend of mine had been blatantly used and deeply hurt by someone she considered a life - long friend , a woman she had always tried to help and support in any way she could . She can find no rhyme or reason for her friend 's behaviour and is extremely upset . I feel powerless as all I can do is listen but I can 't take away her pain . Finally , after many weeks of emotional hurt she came to the decision to end their friendship . Whilst that may well help her to avoid any further mistreatment by her friend , she is left still reeling from recent events . I wonder what lessons are being taught when someone who so obviously cares about another is mistreated by them . My own personal experiences have been difficult to contend with at times . I used to firmly believe that if you showed someone love and compassion that they would treat you well , but often through my life I have found the absolute opposite to be true . I have puzzled over this many times and had thought that it must be a certain kind of lesson that needed learning . I have even tried to feel grateful for the role that someone must have agreed to play to assist me in walking my spiritual path . Logically it makes sense to me that kindness should help people to overcome their difficulties . This is something I have pondered for such a long time and have asked my spiritual guides for some guidance on this but so far have not received any answers . It has happened in my life so many times that I can see a pattern of events . What I am hoping is that one day I will have a ' light - bulb ' moment and suddenly the reason behind this will fall into place . My husband , Simon , tells me that he thinks I am too gentle , too soft and too forgiving . I have so often wished I could toughen up as I think my life may be so much easier , but the problem with that is that I wouldn 't be me anymore . My brother always used to laugh at my tolerance and lack of temper . Considering the parents I had , who honestly could have won the olympics if there had been an arguing event , you 'd have thought I would have a quick temper , but this isn 't true at all . I still remember my Mum 's look of amazement when she saw me lose my temper for the very first time when I was fourteen . We had been to visit Dad in hospital where he had just undergone life saving surgery and he was on full life support , so to say we were concerned and stressed was an understatement . Mum was driving our large estate car , and I have to say she wasn 't the most confident of drivers at the best of times , but with the worry of Dad obviously on her mind , she had become distracted and taken a wrong turn . We ended up in a very narrow dead - end street with cars parked each side . At the very end there was little space to turn around . It was only just after 9pm , so not what you would call very late . Mum had to try to turn the car around which meant going backwards and forwards many many times . She was , I admit , revving the engine a little whilst trying to navigate safely and gently between the cars , but the noise wasn 't that bad . Well this chap came out of his house and started really shouting abuse at Mum . Without a thought I jumped out of the car and walked right up to him and gave him such a ticking off . I was livid that he had upset my Mum and certainly let him know it . I told him where we 'd been and what was happening to my Dad . Much to my surprise the man became very apologetic and offered to help Mum with the reversing . What a turn - around ! I have always found it easier to fight other people 's battles rather than my own . My brother used to say that I was like the worm that turned , and by that he meant you could push me so far and then that was that . How right he was . I have to admit that I can take an awful lot but finally there is the straw that breaks the camels back , and funnily enough it is often a very little straw ! I have had to break ties with people I have truly loved because they have behaved so badly towards me , and it comes to a point when you realise that all the love in the world cannot change their behaviour , and so very sadly and reluctantly , there really is no choice but to walk away . Sometimes the hurt of staying in a relationship becomes so deep that your physical body cannot cope with the pain , and sometimes , and possibly even more importantly , you have to learn to value and respect yourself , which I have found the toughest lesson to learn . I saw this too with my own Mum . She tried so very hard to have a good relationship with her Step - Mother and did everything she could to try to make it work . When we were a young family we would all travel up to London to see my Nan . We would make this journey at least once a month . Mum and Dad would have to save hard to pay for the petrol and would always be praying that the car wouldn 't break down because it was pretty old and extremely unreliable . At the time there were no such things as baby seats in cars and Mum would have to spend two hours sitting in the back of the car with my twin , Tina , and I in her arms . She laughed when she told us by the time they got there her arms couldn 't move ! As Tina and I became older we both suffered from dreadful car sickness . How Mum and Dad coped with this I just don 't know , it must have been a nightmare for them . I know that Mum would always keep a couple of spare outfits for us and on many occasions as soon as we arrived at Nan 's house we would have to nip upstairs and change into fresh clothes . Thankfully our older brother Ray was not car sick , that would have been unbearable ! When Tina and I were eleven we went to stay with Nan for the week before we started at senior school . Mum and Dad took us up there and we spent a wonderful time with her . We went to see shows in London and enjoyed meeting all of her friends and generally having fun . When the week was up Mum and Dad came and collected us and strangely the mood in the car on the way home was decidedly frosty . Sadly for us , that was the last time we ever saw our Nan . A week or so after our holiday Mum made the decision to break all ties with her . I was devastated . I had adored Nan and couldn 't understand how Mum could be so cruel . As a young child , what I hadn 't known was that my Nan could actually drive and had a very nice car . She would tell Mum of all the trips she took to see her various relatives all over the country and yet she had only ever made the journey to visit us once in the eighteen years since Mum had married . Nan was very comfortably off and would help all her relatives , and yet she never once offered any help to Mum at all . Mum told me years later that she had spent so much time broken - hearted at the way Nan treated her that finally she couldn 't take the hurt anymore . I know now it was not an easy decision for Mum to make and I know that she remained extremely upset about it for the rest of her life . She had lost her Dad when she was in her early twenties , and having been told that her natural Mother had abandoned her as a baby , she had desperately wanted to have a loving relationship with Nan . It took me a very long time to realise that what I and others had perceived as weakness , was in fact an enormous act of strength on my Mum 's part . I can 't imagine the courage she must have mustered to be able to walk away under those circumstances , but she did , and I am sure that in the following years she certainly didn 't miss the heartache that she had endured for so much of her life . One day , when I am once again in spirit and I have my life review , I feel certain that all will become clear …… but in the meantime I must admit I really find this all so very hard to understand . Hmmm … 7 unusual things … that 's going to be tough because I don 't think I 'm at all unusual ! Ok … here goes … 6 ) Until I was fourteen years old I had a bad squint in my left eye and no - one would know where I was looking - one eye looked one way , the other eye another . I finally had surgery to correct this but then had double vision for months afterwards and still have when I am tired . I have to put my hand over one eye so that I can just see one of everything ! I attended a weeks mediumship course at the Arthur Findlay College in Stansted several years ago with my friend Trudie . As always it had been an emotional time with most of us receiving wonderful messages from our loved ones in spirit , and most of us also giving messages to other students . Being a medium and giving such messages can be quite overwhelming at times when you know the impact that it may have on the recipient . My tutor that particular week was the very wonderful Janet Parker . She is an extremely spiritual woman and whenever I have been blessed with being in her class I have always felt that she gives each and every one of her students as much support as possible . I don 't think many people appreciate the challenges that we mediums put ourselves through when we attend these courses . It is not as if you can revise to ensure that you manage to maintain a link with spirit , or that you can practise on your own , or that you can read manuals . It really is just a case of putting yourself forward to serve spirit in the best possible way you can . It is a case of learning to allow your mind to become still so that you can connect to spirit without all the day - to - day activities , planning , worries , and the general hum drum taking over your thoughts . You have to be totally trusting when you open your awareness to make contact with spirit . Sometimes you may hear spirit , or feel them , or see visions in your mind 's eye , and you have to give the information you are given without adding your own thoughts or ideas . It is quite a discipline to learn . It is not until you try to do this for hours on end that you realise how difficult it can be to overcome all the nagging thoughts that suddenly rush into your head and scream to be heard ! Being in such a spiritual environment does seem to bring out the very best in my mediumship . I am sure that spirits are drawn to the place like moths around a light bulb . There is never a shortage of loved ones who are trying to get their messages conveyed through the students and it really does make the courses so worthwhile . The tutors guide you gently towards achieving the very best mediumship you can manage and offer tips and ideas to ensure that you develop to your highest potential . This particular week was very special as on the very first night I had received the most exact and evidential messages from both my parents through one of the tutors and then also throughout the week from several of the students . I had been going through a very tough time in my personal life and really felt the messages that I was fortunate enough to receive showed that I still had my parents around me , still loving me and supporting me and offering their advise . Each reading I had received had contained different evidence that no - one there could have possibly known . I felt incredibly blessed . As the week came to a close I felt sad that I would be leaving . Not only would I miss the teachings and the practising of my mediumship , but I knew it was unlikely that I would be in a position to receive any further communications from my parents for quite some while . Janet , and Paul Jacobs , another tutor , had organised a closing ceremony in The Sanctuary , a beautiful church attached to the college where spiritual services are held on a regular basis . It has a fantastic uplifting atmosphere and I 've always loved being there , you can almost feel arms wrapped around you as you walk in . They told us that we weren 't allowed to attend until 8pm as they had some preparations to complete . Trudie and I hadn 't really given the evening too much thought as most final evenings are nice , but not anything out of the ordinary . When we walked into the Sanctuary , just after 8pm , we were greeted by the most wonderful vision of beautiful materials and oriental rugs laid on the floor running down the centre of the church . Incense sticks were burning and candles flickered in the darkness . Hundreds of small unlit tealight candles had been placed on the materials and chairs were placed either side running the length of the Sanctuary . There was a hush of anticipation as we students all filed in quietly , taking our seats whilst gentle music was playing . Trudie and I sat next to each other about midway down the room . Janet and Paul both gave a talk about the week we had just experienced and thanked spirit for their participation in our teachings . Janet then instructed the students sitting at the end of the rows to light a candle for each loved one they had in spirit , then the lighter was to be passed to the next student , then the next etc . By the time it came to Trudie and I most of the candles were already lit and the Sanctuary looked absolutely amazing . I lit candles for my Mum , for my Dad , for my brother , for my friend Janet , and not wishing to look greedy , lit another jointly for all my aunts . uncles and grandparents in spirit . Trudie too lit candles for those she had loved and lost , including her cousin Robert whom she missed so much . When all the candles were lit Janet asked us to close our eyes . She asked us to give thanks to our guides and loved ones for helping us through the week and for allowing us to experience the love from spirit that we had all shared . Whilst our eyes were closed , and we were sitting in the candle light , Janet put on the music , To Where You Are , performed by Josh Groban . I had never heard this before and was lost in the beautiful words that meant so much to me . I couldn 't help but start crying , both because of the joy of knowing my loved ones were so close and also because of the pain and loss at realising that I can 't always reach out and touch them , speak to them , or hold them as I once did . I felt around in my pocket for a tissue and all I had was an old crumpled one . I thought it would have to do , and then I realised Trudie was crying too , she whispered to me " Do you have a tissue ? " , I only had the one , so I tore it in half , and there we were , the two of us , holding hands and using half a tissue each to mop our tears . A few weeks ago I was told that Mandy Wylde would be giving a demonstration of her mediumship at Woolston Spiritual Centre , a newly opened non - denominational centre near Southampton . I had met Mandy only a couple of times at another spiritualist church I attended a couple of years ago . I was introduced to her by another friend , Jane , and she had told me that Mandy was a very good spiritual healer and a medium , but I had never known anyone she had carried out a reading for . All the way there my tummy was churning , which is something that happens whenever spirit are close to me . It is a familiar feeling if I am sitting for spirit or in any kind of development group , but not normally when I am going to see someone else give a demonstration . I told my friend Niki that my tummy felt very odd and she said that it might mean I was going to be given a message . I have been to many demonstrations over the last few years , but so rarely received a message from any of my loved ones in spirit that I didn 't really consider that this particular night would be any different . As soon as Mandy stood up I really thought I was going to be sick , my stomach went totally ballistic and I thought I might have to leave the hall because I felt so dreadful . Then , seriously , every single hair on my body went on end , I had the biggest whooshy feeling I had ever experienced . Mandy started talking and said she had a woman in spirit with her and was talking about a house fire . I knew we had a house fire when I was very young so I kept listening to the evidence she was giving . Then she went on to say that this woman had arthritis , which again Mum had suffered with . I was still wary of putting up my hand because I would absolutely hate to steal someone elses message , but then Mandy said she could hear a song being played that she knew was important to both the woman she felt was with her , and the recipient . The song was Don 't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue ' sung by Crystal Gayle . My goodness , I was struggling to hold back the tears . When I was younger I had quite a good singing voice and Mum had specifically asked me to record myself singing this song . She carried the tape around with her for years and always made her friends listen to it whilst they were travelling in the car . Immediately I put up my hand . Mandy went on to give me the most wonderful evidence that she had my Mum with her , evidence that none of my friends even knew . It was the most beautiful heart warming message and Mandy conveyed exactly the personality of my Mum . She even talked about a discussion I had been having earlier that day , which there was no way in the world she could have possibly known about it . It was amazing . She then went on to give other messages to several other people in the hall . Each of them was delivered with respect , kindness and a real sense of who they were . She managed to lighten the atmosphere when required with funny anecdotal evidence but was also able to give the most touching messages . It was a real pleasure to spend the evening watching her demonstrate and I could have happily sat there for much longer . The hall 's atmosphere was fabulous , everyone was laughing and smiling , some were crying with joy and gasping at her incredible accuracy . She gave names , relationships , addresses and really unusual information . I have to say it was the very best demonstration of mediumship I had ever seen . A couple of weeks passed and another medium was due to hold the Sunday service at the centre , but had cancelled for some reason and so Annette asked Mandy if she could step in . I hadn 't planned on going along at all , but as the weekend went by I really felt that I must go . I wasn 't exactly sure why , but I knew I would regret it if I didn 't go . It was another lovely summers evening and the atmosphere of the hall was warm and inviting . There are large windows along one wall and the sun was shining in as we all sat there waiting for the evening to begin . I couldn 't believe it when yet again my tummy started churning and I kept praying that it would stop . To begin with Mandy gave a wonderful reading and address about a man who had been struck by lightning and had medically died but who managed to survive and could remember being dead ! It was fascinating , especially the enormous changes it made to his whole life . So often I have sat through the most long - winded boring addresses and just been waiting for them to finish , but this was really interesting . We sang a couple of songs and then Mandy stood to give her demonstration of mediumship . She gave several excellent messages to different people and after a while I could see from the clock that it was almost time for her to finish . I wondered why my tummy had been churning so much , having secretly hoped that maybe I would receive another message , but I didn 't really dare hope that would happen . I had already enjoyed the evening so much so was thinking that we would be going home in a minute or two . Then Mandy started physically describing a man who sounded very much like my brother , and again I was covered in goosebumps , but didn 't put my hand up until I had heard more . Mandy then talked about his personality , which was quite unique and she said he was telling her the name Ray - which was my brother 's name . I just knew it was him , so excitedly put my hand up . Yet again Mandy gave me astonishing evidence and even more wonderful was that my aunt had come with him , and Mandy gave the most wonderful unequivocal information about her too . I realised then why I had been so keen to go along . I felt so blessed that in a matter of just a few weeks I had received messages from both Mum and Ray . I am sure that a bright future lays ahead for Mandy . She is such a good medium that as word spreads she will certainly be in great demand ! Dearest Tisha , I am moved to tears after reading your journal , I am so thrilled you felt so much peace and love on the two occasions you came to Woolston Spiritual Centre . Some months ago I asked spirit , " put me where you want me to be " , I guess they did . I love giving evidence from the spirit world to bring love and comfort , thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings , much love xx When I was in my early twenties my ex and I lived in Twickenham and we would often drive along Richmond Road to Richmond . One day we drove past a truck with a lift attached to the back . I have no idea what they are called , but they have a small cage which normally has one or two men in it whilst they carry out maintenance to the street lamps . As we drove towards the truck I could see a film in my head of the cage being hit by a double - decker bus . I felt sick in my stomach and without realising it had let out a very loud " oh my God " . He asked me what the problem was and I told him what I had just seen in my head . He kind of tutted and said it would be fine . It was quite a long road and before the road went to the left round a bend I looked out of the back window back towards the truck . I could see a bus coming along and then to my horror it hit the cage . I gasped and shouted " oh no , you have to stop " but my ex was in busy traffic . He said that as the road was busy there would be lots of people to help . I think he expected me to just carry on as normal but I just couldn 't . In August 1990 I was working and living in Okehampton , Devon . Working so close to home meant that I could go home for lunch and give myself a welcome break from the pressure of my work . I remember one day so very well . I had sat down to eat a sandwich , put the television on and saw that the lunchtime news was giving information about a missing little girl . She was only eight years old and very strangely had been taken through an open window of a caravan whilst she and her family were on holiday in Bridport , Dorset . As I watched I felt so worried for her and concerned for her family . I doubt that anyone can imagine how it must feel to know that your child has been taken and you have no idea where she is , or even whether she is dead or alive . Oddly , as I watched the footage of a line of police officers scouring the local fields for any evidence , I had another movie playing in my head . I could see the little girl in a derelict house with a young man and she was frightened and crying . Most importantly she was alive . I felt the man was mentally unstable and that concerned me more than anything . Then , just as suddenly as the ' movie ' had started , it stopped and I was back to watching tv again . I was quite taken aback and really thought that it was just wishful thinking . There was a part of me that thought I should do something about the pictures I had just seen , but the logical part of me disregarded the nagging voice in my head , and so I put it to one side and went back to work . Throughout the afternoon though I kept seeing the same movie over and over again , and no matter how I tried to ignore it , it just wouldn 't go away . Finally , by the time I had finished work and went home I was beginning to think I was going mad . I was sure that by now they would have found the girl and as soon as I got indoors I put the tv on to see the evening news . Again , they showed the police looking for her , and yet again in my head I was shown the house she was in . I had a lurching feeling in my stomach as if I had just been given some bad news . I realised then that I couldn 't sit and do nothing and so I decided to phone my local police station . I had half expected them to tell me not to waste their time , and was in fact already wondering what else I could do if that was the case . Much to my surprise the man who answered the phone listened patiently and told me they would send a detective to come and see me . Even more surprising was that he arrived only about ten minutes later . As I opened the door a wave of embarrassment came over me , I told him that he most probably would think I was totally crazy but I just knew I had to do something and didn 't know what else to do other than phone the police . He was actually very nice and told me that having been in the police service for a number of years nothing surprised him anymore . He asked me to describe the house and the young man I had seen and also asked if I could draw the house for him . I tried my best to explain everything in the greatest detail I could , I managed to draw a rough sketch of the house and signed a formal police statement . As he left I literally prayed that someone somewhere would take notice of the information and that they would start to search houses for the little girl rather than looking in the countryside for a corpse . I really felt that time was running out and that they had been looking in the wrong place . I hardly slept that night , and again , first thing in the morning put on the tv to see the news . The little girl had still not been found . I felt I had no option but to drive the 65 miles to Bridport . I was hoping against hope that I would somehow be able to spot the house , and if I did I had planned to then inform the police . I drove around for hours , but didn 't see any houses like the one I had seen in my vision . I sadly and wearily drove back to Okehampton . A huge part of me felt I had let the little girl down and I was becoming concerned that the video I had seen in my head seemed to have gone away . I just prayed that nothing dreadful had happened to her . I was glued to the tv all evening and there was still no news . Again I had a restless night . I was puzzling why I could no longer see the pictures in my mind and also wondering if I had somehow imagined the whole thing . At last the morning arrived and the first thing I did was put the television on . Still no news . I went to work , struggling to stay awake and to stay calm but with my tummy continually churning , which I have learnt over the years is a physical response I have when spirit is close . Thankfully that day the little girl was found , safe and well . I was absolutely amazed when they showed the house on the tv and zoomed in - it was exactly the derelict house I had described to the police . Also , as I had told them , she was with a young man who was later found guilty of kidnap and imprisoned in a secure mental health unit . I now wonder if my visions had stopped because I had done all I could . I doubt if I will ever really know . After this event I seemed to go through a couple of years where many times , especially when a child went missing , I would be shown the most sad and often harrowing scenes but I was not given any further information . I would also watch tv interviews of families where children had gone missing and know instinctively who was responsible , but with no evidence to back it up I couldn 't contact anyone . I just knew that there was nothing I could do . On each occasion my ' knowing ' was proved right . Eventually I asked my guides not to let me have information if there was no action I could take to help and thankfully those kind of visions stopped . On the plus side , when I was learning to drive in deepest Devon , many of my lessons were on very narrow winding roads . Very often my driving instructor would comment on my sixth sense as I would often be happily whizzing along for miles , then I would just know to slow down and pull over , and sure enough a car would always come the other way . I had several lessons with my good friend Jeanette and she became really spooked by my unusual awareness . On so many occasions I would know exactly what other cars were going to do , even if their signals and road position indicated otherwise . One time we were behind queuing cars at traffic lights and I was supposed to get in the empty right hand lane to turn right , but I held back . Jeanette told me to move forward but I insisted that the car at the lights , indicating left and with his wheels already pointing in that direction , would be pulling across in front of me . Jeanette laughed and just thought I was being daft . Sure enough though , as the lights changed , the car in the left hand lane suddenly swung to the right and tore off at great speed . Almost thirty years ago I had a wonderful spiritual reading , by telephone , with a medium I had never met . Straight away she asked me if I ever felt ' cobwebs ' on my face as I was driving . I said yes . it was quite normal for me , and she went on to explain that it was a sign that my maternal Grandfather was with me . She told me he was a lorry driver in his life time and he was looking after me . She knew nothing about me , but she was right , he had been a lorry driver , and since that time whenever I feel ' cobwebs ' on my face I say thank you to my Grandfather . This has happened so many times , and still does , I really feel I am so fortunate to have him watching over me . Over the years I have learnt to trust spirit and the visions I have which have rarely been incorrect . I have sometimes wondered if my life would have been easier had I not been so aware , but in reality I wouldn 't change a thing . My connections with spirit have made such an enormous and positive difference to my life and hopefully , at times , have helped others along the way too . If through my awareness , even just a few people have been touched by the love of spirit and the knowledge that our lives , right now , are only part of our souls journey , then I feel truly blessed . A couple of weeks ago we went on a wonderful mini - break staying in London . I had always wanted to go to the Chelsea Flower Show as I have loved plants and gardens all my life , but it seemed there was always a reason that I couldn 't get there . This year it was actually Simon who suggested we went as he thought it might be a good place to use his wonderful new camera . Don 't get me wrong , he does like flowers and trees , and he is interested in the designs of gardens , but he doesn 't have the passion for gardening that I have . I was so excited when we booked the tickets a few months ago . At the time I was going through a fairly good phase healthwise and really thought that with a few planned breaks , I 'd be up to mulling around the show gardens and the wonderful exhibits and show stands that makes Chelsea the world - renowned show it has become . I spent hours on the internet researching places to stay and found The Presidential Apartments in Earls Court . I always feel slightly claustrophobic in a hotel room , hating the feeling of being boxed in and normally having nowhere else to sit but on the bed , and these apartments appeared to give you more space with a separate sitting area and even a kitchenette to prepare your own breakfast etc . I booked through a booking site and managed to secure a fantastic deal so I was a very happy bunny ! As the time became closer I was becoming quite despondent . My feet , legs and hips had decided they really did not want to work . I can only explain it as if when you wake up , instead of feeling refreshed and awake , you feel as if you have been mountain climbing all night and you have virtually no energy and considerable pain . I knew that my legs could only hold me up for a few minutes at a time , with very long rests in between , and was beginning to think that maybe we should just cancel and accept that this year was not going to be the year I 'd eventually get there . Simon though had a totally different plan in his mind . He was determined that we would go and still have a wonderful time , we 'd just take my wheelchair along too . I have a wheelchair and an electric scooter , and whilst I am quite happy to use the scooter if we go for a ' walk ' in the forest , or along by the coast , I have avoided using the wheelchair for a few years now . I would normally rather stay indoors and read or listen to music than brave the outside world in my wheelchair . I know it 's sometimes stupid , but I absolutely hate being in it . I was in a wheelchair quite a lot as a young child ( another story ! ) and I think because of that I almost have a phobia about using one . I feel like I 've given up . I also know it 's daft , but in my head I feel capable of everything , and so in my heart I feel a fraud sitting in a wheelchair . I also feel like I am a failure , like I have given in , like I should be able to control my body and tell it what I expect it to do . I find it so hard to accept that in reality I appear to have no input where my physical problems are concerned . I always feel a nuisance and in the way in a wheelchair , and hate the idea of looking ' disabled ' , even if , I suppose , I often am ! In preparation for our mini - break the wheelchair came out of the garage and the cobwebs and dust were flicked away . Simon re - inflated the tyres , we bought a comfy seat cushion and a very clever back cushion that doubled as a picnic pack slung over the back . The weather had been atrocious and we expected rain so I ordered a very cool purple poncho specially designed for wheelchair users . Instead of sitting in a puddle of water ( NO , not that I have accidents ! We are talking heavy rain here ! ) this poncho had cleverly designed ' flaps ' that go over the back and sides of the wheelchair - also keeping the picnic pack dry at the same time . We were set . We arranged to go by train and using my disabled rail card meant that the cost wasn 't prohibitive . Simon 's sister Wendy agreed to take us to the train station . Everything was organised . The sparkly clean wheelchair sat in the dining room but every time I walked past it I felt a massive heaviness . The thought of being in it for three days just filled me with dread . I hadn 't travelled up to London on a train for a long time and was really surprised how wonderfully clean the train was , how smooth it was too , no jigging and swaying , it was as if it was gliding along . There was an allocated space for the wheelchair so it wasn 't in anyones way , nicely tucked in a specially designed rack . It was a truly lovely journey . Comfortable seats , light and airy , just sitting chatting and enjoying the beautiful scenery of Hampshire and Surrey . Everyone at the railway station had been so helpful and nothing was too much trouble . When we arrived at Waterloo we made our way out to the taxi rank and I was pleasantly surprised at how everyone happily moved out of the way , smiling at me whilst they apologised for being where they had every right to be . The taxi driver too was a happy soul , cheerily chatting to us as he drove us to our destination . The wheelchair folded down and was no problem in the back of the cab . We were expecting a very small apartment , basically a bed - sit , but at least somewhere with a separate sitting area and a kitchenette . I couldn 't believe it when we were shown to a very stylish split - level loft - style apartment with far more space that we had ever imagined . We had huge windows with views over beautiful gardens and every modern gadget you could possibly require and very importantly , being in the middle of a heat wave , it had air conditioning too . It was totally fabulous . In the evening we decided to go for a stroll and find somewhere to eat . It had been such a hot day it was great to be out and about , albeit that I was being pushed along in my wheelchair . I had lived in South Kensington with my twin sister when we were 18 years old and hadn 't been back to that area for many many years . Amazingly I still knew my way around and before we knew it we were right outside the garden flat ( a posh way of saying basement flat ) that Tina and I had shared all those years ago . The whole area still looked exactly as it had done in the mid 70 's and I could direct Simon to soThe next day we were up at the crack of dawn to go to Chelsea ! We arrived super early and for the first couple of hours we could easily navigate around the various exhibits but as the time went on it became increasingly busy until there was not even a foot in front of me . Simon had to be so patient waiting for people to move before he could gently weave the wheelchair through the crowds without clipping people 's ankles . Yet again , people were so kind , some even calling out ' wheelchair coming through ' and everyone , without exception , would happily move out of the way . Looking at the show gardens was just brilliant . There were crowds , several people deep , all vying to take a look at the gardens , and yet when they saw me in my wheelchair people would move away from the barriers and let me through … . right to the front ! Not only did I have the best view in the house ( so to speak ) but on a couple of occasions , the actual designers came over and chatted with me . They would explain the reason for the design , why they chose certain architectural structures and how they had decided which plants to use . I felt like a V . I . P . ! ! Again , the train journey back was just great . Everyone , from the moment we left the apartment , until we arrived home , was so helpful and friendly . I can honestly say I felt I had been blessed the whole weekend . I was humbled by the incredible kindness of every single person we met . Not one person complained that I was in the way , or that they had to move for me . Everywhere we went people asked if we needed help , if there was anything they could do for us . It was incredible . When you think of all the people we had come into contact with over that weekend , and it seriously must have been in the hundreds , it was amazing how every one of them showed such consideration . We are all open to the news , whether it 's through newspapers ( which I actually don 't read ) or through the tv or radio , and the reports always seem to show that the world is full of rude and uncaring people , that we live in a world of selfishness . I can 't believe that we were just lucky with who we happened to meet in London , it proved to me that virtually everyone is actually basically good . Isn 't it a great pity that our news doesn 't reflect the reality of the society we live in ? Wouldn 't it be wonderful if our news corporations gave us a more even view of our world , rather than focussing , as they do , on acts of violence and betrayal ? So , after all my despondency , seriously considering cancelling the whole weekend and concerns about using my wheelchair , I loved our break in London . I have some wonderful memories of our time at Chelsea , but I know what will stay with me forever were the overwhelming gifts of kindness and thoughtfulness that we experienced from perfect strangers . The world is a far better place than most of us realise . It really was one of the most inspirational experiences . WordPress . com Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . • Hand in Hand with Spirit Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . Post to Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
We were up bright and early , just putting the last bits and pieces in the car when the phone rang . It was my daughter Kristie , who lived with my twin sister Tina and her husband , Woody , and their family . She told me that Tina was in hospital about to have an emergency operation . She had suffered a brain haemorrhage late on Wednesday night and was due in theatre any minute to have life saving brain surgery . I felt my legs go to jelly and I could hardly speak . I had been speaking to Tina only the evening before and she had been totally fine . I went straight to Tina 's house as her children all needed to be cared for and I wanted to be with Kristie too . Tina and Woody had been unable to have children and had adopted seven learning disabled children over the course of several years . They ranged in age from three to seventeen at the time . It was an unreal morning , trying to hold myself together for the sake of the children , but desperately waiting for the phone call from Woody , who was at the hospital , to find if she had made it through the surgery . Finally just after lunch Woody rang to say she was in intensive care but that the surgery had been successful . I was over the moon . I had been praying so hard and felt that my prayers had been answered . Within a couple of days Tina was moved to the High Dependency Unit and was doing well . She complained of the most dreadful headache but the staff told us that was quite normal due to her brain surgery . After just a few more days Tina was moved to a general neurological ward and appeared to be making excellent progress . She was able to walk and talk quite normally and have a shower and walk around the ward . The expectation was that she would be home within the week ! Kristie and I were visiting her daily and on the Thursday , just a week after her operation , we had all been sitting chatting about the programmes she would be watching that evening when the nurse brought her tea , which included a small bowl of ice cream . Within minutes Tina 's speech was becoming confused and then I noticed that she was having problems eating her ice cream . Her hand was making odd movements and she was unable to hold the spoon . I alerted the staff on the ward and they explained that she might have some fluid on the brain and would carry out a lumbar puncture to release any fluid . When I left the hospital that evening I was obviously concerned , but the staff had been very reassuring and it seemed that this was quite normal and that the lumbar puncture was routine . The following morning I rang the hospital and they asked me to visit urgently . They explained that Tina was once again in intensive care . I was not at all prepared for what faced me that day . The consultant explained that Tina had suffered a massive stroke due to having a vasospasm , a rare side effect of the brain surgery . In layman 's terms , the blood vessels within her brain had gone into spasm and no blood had been able to reach the frontal lobes . I was warned that they fully expected her to die . I don 't know how I managed to physically stand by her bed , I was shaking and crying so much . She was lying there covered with wires and tubes , buzzers kept going off and she was fitting , which was terrifying to watch . The machines that were keeping her alive required almost constant attention by the special nurses who were with her . I couldn 't believe that she had been doing so well and now they really thought she would die . I prayed so much that day , I asked God why this happened and kept telling Tina over and over again how much I loved her and that she would come through this ok . When I eventually left the hospital that evening I emailed every healer I could find on the internet asking if they could please send Tina healing . I really didn 't think I 'd be able to sleep that night , but nervous exhaustion thankfully sent me straight to sleep . I awoke in the morning dreading the news from the hospital . I phoned and they said she was ' stable ' , but added that there had been no improvement . I went to the hospital as soon as I could and was met by the ward sister who told me to expect the worse . She explained that only the machines were keeping her alive , and even if she did survive the prognosis was that she would be severely disabled and unable to enjoy any quality of life as her brain was so badly damaged . Yet again I sat with her , talking to her , stroking her hand gently . I prayed that she would not leave me . I had lost my Mum , my Dad and my brother all within the space of three and half months just a few years before , and I just couldn 't bear the thought of losing my twin sister too . I talked to her about our childhood , about the fun we used to have , about family memories , even about the battles we 'd had . I just felt that I could not give up . I was sure one day that she had lightly squeezed my hand as I was about to leave , but the nurses assured me that she wouldn 't be able to do that . They said that her brain was unable to distinguish my voice and that she most probably did not have the ability to understand anything I said to her . I ignored their advise and just carried on chatting to her right up until the moment I had to leave in the evenings . Days went by and there was no progress and it became more and more likely that she would just fade away . I was totally heartbroken . I had never lived through such a time . Being an identical twin is impossible to really understand unless you are a twin yourself . We had been together since before we were born . We had shared virtually every part of our lives , most of our childhood and teenage experiences , and even though we had fought dreadfully at times , we were always there for each other and loved one another more than can be explained . Now , days in to her stroke , I was trying to come to terms with the real possibility that this was the end . That I would not have my twin sister anymore . They decided to carry out a further operation to install a shunt , a drain in her brain , which would release the fluid from her brain into her stomach . The operation was in itself risky , but without it she didn 't stand a chance , the fluid in her brain was building all the time . Again there was the dreadful time of waiting to see if she had pulled through and thankfully she did . We waited for a couple more days to see if there was any improvement , but still Tina just lay there motionless , on full life support , with every vein in her body seemingly linked to some needle to give her life saving fluids and drugs . They even had to start using the veins in her feet as they were running out of veins in her arms , her hands and her shoulders . I continually asked God why this was happening and what more could I do to help her and her family through this , but I was too upset to hear any answers . Finally , in desperation , I called a medium that I found on the internet . I didn 't want to phone anyone who knew me , I really wanted someone who had no previous knowledge of who I was . Immediately she began speaking to me , she described our Dad in the most wonderful detail , and told me that he was talking about someone very close to me who had suffered a bleed on the brain . She said this person was in a critical condition and was literally between worlds . She then went on to describe our Mum , both physically and her character , and said that she was with both of us . Amazingly she also described our brother and said that he was looking over us and that he was giving me the strength to cope with it all . She told me that Tina was aware of them with her . I asked her why this was happening and she said that Tina had chosen to go through this before she was born . She explained that it was an experience Tina 's soul had wanted and importantly it would show who would support her and who wouldn 't , who would be able to understand , and who would turn away due to the severity of the situation . I did ask if Tina would survive and the medium told me that she couldn 't answer that , but said that Tina had a very strong spirit and that whatever happened was supposed to happen . I was stunned by such an accurate reading , but still had wished that I could have been told what would be the outcome . The next day I went into the hospital again and as I walked in I said my usual ' Hi Sis ' and took her hand . I was sure her eyelids moved and then thought I felt her gently squeeze my hand again . I didn 't mention it to the nurses , who I felt sure thought I was imagining it , but inside I felt a warm glow and a real sense of joy . Something in me realised that she had turned the corner , that she would be ok . For the first time in weeks I felt an inner calm , an inner strength , I knew I could cope , as if I had been shown there was light at the end of the tunnel . I was full of optimism for her future . Tina 's small movements became almost like a secret code between her and I . Many times that day her eyelids moved as I said something funny and her fingers softly brushed mine . I gave her a kiss goodbye before I left and said I 'd see her the next day . The following day I was over the moon to see that Tina had her tracheostomy tube removed . She could breathe on her own ! That was a huge hurdle . As usual I said ' Hi Sis ' when I arrived and I almost fell over when a few moments later she uttered , in a very hoarse voice , ' Hi ' - she was back ! ! ! The nurses were laughing and clapping and the whole atmosphere in the unit was lifted . She didn 't say anything again for a few days , but she still kept moving her eyelids and through her squeezing my hand I could feel her strength grow day by day . After several more weeks Tina slowly made progress to the point where she was transferred to a neurological rehabilitation unit within the hospital . She was paralysed on her right side , still doubly incontinent , unable to even turn herself , unable to swallow food , and only able to say a few words , but she could laugh , and we would share afternoons laughing at the times we had been through together . I would sit with her and we would watch comedy shows and it would lift her spirits . It really did seem that through joy and laughter she became better and better . Through everything that had happened to her she had managed somehow to keep her sense of humour . Over the two years Tina spent in two specialist rehabilitation hospitals , she showed incredible inner strength and courage , overcoming the most enormous obstacles . Learning to do even the most basic things from scratch which most of us take for granted . She suffered dreadful setbacks , crippling pain in her paralysed arm and leg , frustration of a damaged brain that would not function as she wished , and the agony of a broken hip from falling over when trying to use a walking stick . She had to be admitted to a normal hospital for a hip replacement operation and this caused even more problems as people didn 't understand her speech and her understanding of language , having had such a serious brain injury . Everytime they asked her if she required painkillers she said yes , even if she didn 't , and by the time she was returned to the rehab unit she was totally bombed by the amount of morphine in her body . It took weeks for her to get back to some sense of normality . She suffered incredible loneliness and depression whilst trying to come to terms with the fact that most importantly , she had lost her independence . There were so many experiences that had me in tears over the time she was in hospital , but one of the most memorable occasions for me was when she was first able to stand , albeit with support , and we could have a hug . It was the best hug I 'd ever had . We were both in tears as for the first time in many months I held her in my arms and she could hug me back too . Another wonderful memory was just before her first Christmas in hospital . The nurses organised a Carol Service and arranged for a local choir to come along and we all sat singing the carols . Many of the patients sang too , including Tina , who still has a beautiful singing voice . They gave her a microphone and she sang Once in Royal David 's City . With tears streaming down my face it took me straight back to when we were both five and were angels in our school nativity play and we had sung that very song together back then . I was amazed by the most wonderful work the teams at the rehabilitation units undertook to get Tina as far along the recovery route as possible . Their patience and understanding was incredible . I was overwhelmed by the gentleness and kindness of other relatives visiting their loved ones who were also going through the most traumatic times and yet there was a camaraderie between us all , all supporting one another and all living for the time when those dear to us would regain even a little of their lives . The love within the rehab units was so strong . They were places of both immense sadness and unbelievable joy , much laughter and sometimes , sadly , unbearable heartache . I was stunned by the kindness from the wonderful worldwide community of healers , many of whom stayed in contact with me throughout her two years in hospital . The strangers , literally scattered across the globe who showed an interest and continued to send their healing thoughts to Tina . I will never be able to thank them enough . I was so saddened by the lack of support from the friends and relatives that Tina had . I would never have thought that those whom she had loved and considered close backed away and found themselves too busy to even phone to find out how she was . I was appalled by the total lack of support from social services who I had assumed would be able to offer some kind of help to Woody and the children , but who in reality basically told me that as the children had been adopted and not fostered there was nothing they could do . Just as the medium had said , it was an experience which showed people 's true colours . It was an eye - opener where friends and relatives were concerned , but it has made us both realise who really matters and who had only been there for the good times . The marriage vow , ' for better , for worse ' , often comes to my mind when I think of the people in Tina 's life who moved away from her and her family during this time , when they needed the love and support the most , and sadly received it the least . Some people even voiced that they felt it would have been better that she had just died . It is something I have tried to understand , but just can 't grasp . Maybe the lessons are for all of them , maybe they too one day may require those they hold dear to have the patience and understanding to deal with such a trauma , who knows . Some things are beyond my comprehension and maybe I will find the answers when I am once again back with my family in the spirit world . Tina amazed all the consultants and specialists involved in her care . They said many times that her recovery was a miracle , that it should have been impossible for her to make the progress that she has . Although paralysed on her right side she is still improving . She has learnt to walk again , to eat again , has regained her speech , kept most of her memories and importantly has made new friends through her involvement in stroke clubs that she regularly attends . She has become an avid reader , has learnt to master her i - phone and laptop , how to use Spotify to listen to her favourite music , and can play a mean game of scrabble ! I feel blessed that I still have my sister and that I have been able to share in such an enlightening experience . I thank Mum , Dad and our brother Ray , for the continued love and support they have given us , without which I am sure I would have crumbled . I thank God for Tina 's ongoing recovery and for the strength I was given to cope with this . Most of all I thank Tina for being my twin , she is an inspiration . I have recently been questioning one of my deepest held beliefs . Not that I would ever doubt spirits existence , or that we are eternal souls , no , I have no problems with that . What I have been doubting is the almost universal belief that somehow , love conquers all . It seems to me that everywhere I look , either on Facebook or within spiritual internet sites , the over - riding message is that love is all you need , love will overcome anything , love is the key to happiness . I have been struggling with this the past few years . Yes , I believe that if we all based our decisions on love , our actions on love and our thoughts on love , the world would be a better place , but unfortunately not everyone does ! Maybe it is true in the universal sense , and maybe it is also true in a soul sense , when you take many lives and average it all out , but I 'm talking about this one particular physical life we are living right now . In my experience , and that of some of my closest friends , no matter how much you love someone , they can still use you , betray you and abuse you . Recently a very dear friend of mine had been blatantly used and deeply hurt by someone she considered a life - long friend , a woman she had always tried to help and support in any way she could . She can find no rhyme or reason for her friend 's behaviour and is extremely upset . I feel powerless as all I can do is listen but I can 't take away her pain . Finally , after many weeks of emotional hurt she came to the decision to end their friendship . Whilst that may well help her to avoid any further mistreatment by her friend , she is left still reeling from recent events . I wonder what lessons are being taught when someone who so obviously cares about another is mistreated by them . My own personal experiences have been difficult to contend with at times . I used to firmly believe that if you showed someone love and compassion that they would treat you well , but often through my life I have found the absolute opposite to be true . I have puzzled over this many times and had thought that it must be a certain kind of lesson that needed learning . I have even tried to feel grateful for the role that someone must have agreed to play to assist me in walking my spiritual path . Logically it makes sense to me that kindness should help people to overcome their difficulties . This is something I have pondered for such a long time and have asked my spiritual guides for some guidance on this but so far have not received any answers . It has happened in my life so many times that I can see a pattern of events . What I am hoping is that one day I will have a ' light - bulb ' moment and suddenly the reason behind this will fall into place . My husband , Simon , tells me that he thinks I am too gentle , too soft and too forgiving . I have so often wished I could toughen up as I think my life may be so much easier , but the problem with that is that I wouldn 't be me anymore . My brother always used to laugh at my tolerance and lack of temper . Considering the parents I had , who honestly could have won the olympics if there had been an arguing event , you 'd have thought I would have a quick temper , but this isn 't true at all . I still remember my Mum 's look of amazement when she saw me lose my temper for the very first time when I was fourteen . We had been to visit Dad in hospital where he had just undergone life saving surgery and he was on full life support , so to say we were concerned and stressed was an understatement . Mum was driving our large estate car , and I have to say she wasn 't the most confident of drivers at the best of times , but with the worry of Dad obviously on her mind , she had become distracted and taken a wrong turn . We ended up in a very narrow dead - end street with cars parked each side . At the very end there was little space to turn around . It was only just after 9pm , so not what you would call very late . Mum had to try to turn the car around which meant going backwards and forwards many many times . She was , I admit , revving the engine a little whilst trying to navigate safely and gently between the cars , but the noise wasn 't that bad . Well this chap came out of his house and started really shouting abuse at Mum . Without a thought I jumped out of the car and walked right up to him and gave him such a ticking off . I was livid that he had upset my Mum and certainly let him know it . I told him where we 'd been and what was happening to my Dad . Much to my surprise the man became very apologetic and offered to help Mum with the reversing . What a turn - around ! I have always found it easier to fight other people 's battles rather than my own . My brother used to say that I was like the worm that turned , and by that he meant you could push me so far and then that was that . How right he was . I have to admit that I can take an awful lot but finally there is the straw that breaks the camels back , and funnily enough it is often a very little straw ! I have had to break ties with people I have truly loved because they have behaved so badly towards me , and it comes to a point when you realise that all the love in the world cannot change their behaviour , and so very sadly and reluctantly , there really is no choice but to walk away . Sometimes the hurt of staying in a relationship becomes so deep that your physical body cannot cope with the pain , and sometimes , and possibly even more importantly , you have to learn to value and respect yourself , which I have found the toughest lesson to learn . I saw this too with my own Mum . She tried so very hard to have a good relationship with her Step - Mother and did everything she could to try to make it work . When we were a young family we would all travel up to London to see my Nan . We would make this journey at least once a month . Mum and Dad would have to save hard to pay for the petrol and would always be praying that the car wouldn 't break down because it was pretty old and extremely unreliable . At the time there were no such things as baby seats in cars and Mum would have to spend two hours sitting in the back of the car with my twin , Tina , and I in her arms . She laughed when she told us by the time they got there her arms couldn 't move ! As Tina and I became older we both suffered from dreadful car sickness . How Mum and Dad coped with this I just don 't know , it must have been a nightmare for them . I know that Mum would always keep a couple of spare outfits for us and on many occasions as soon as we arrived at Nan 's house we would have to nip upstairs and change into fresh clothes . Thankfully our older brother Ray was not car sick , that would have been unbearable ! When Tina and I were eleven we went to stay with Nan for the week before we started at senior school . Mum and Dad took us up there and we spent a wonderful time with her . We went to see shows in London and enjoyed meeting all of her friends and generally having fun . When the week was up Mum and Dad came and collected us and strangely the mood in the car on the way home was decidedly frosty . Sadly for us , that was the last time we ever saw our Nan . A week or so after our holiday Mum made the decision to break all ties with her . I was devastated . I had adored Nan and couldn 't understand how Mum could be so cruel . As a young child , what I hadn 't known was that my Nan could actually drive and had a very nice car . She would tell Mum of all the trips she took to see her various relatives all over the country and yet she had only ever made the journey to visit us once in the eighteen years since Mum had married . Nan was very comfortably off and would help all her relatives , and yet she never once offered any help to Mum at all . Mum told me years later that she had spent so much time broken - hearted at the way Nan treated her that finally she couldn 't take the hurt anymore . I know now it was not an easy decision for Mum to make and I know that she remained extremely upset about it for the rest of her life . She had lost her Dad when she was in her early twenties , and having been told that her natural Mother had abandoned her as a baby , she had desperately wanted to have a loving relationship with Nan . It took me a very long time to realise that what I and others had perceived as weakness , was in fact an enormous act of strength on my Mum 's part . I can 't imagine the courage she must have mustered to be able to walk away under those circumstances , but she did , and I am sure that in the following years she certainly didn 't miss the heartache that she had endured for so much of her life . One day , when I am once again in spirit and I have my life review , I feel certain that all will become clear …… but in the meantime I must admit I really find this all so very hard to understand . Hmmm … 7 unusual things … that 's going to be tough because I don 't think I 'm at all unusual ! Ok … here goes … 6 ) Until I was fourteen years old I had a bad squint in my left eye and no - one would know where I was looking - one eye looked one way , the other eye another . I finally had surgery to correct this but then had double vision for months afterwards and still have when I am tired . I have to put my hand over one eye so that I can just see one of everything ! I attended a weeks mediumship course at the Arthur Findlay College in Stansted several years ago with my friend Trudie . As always it had been an emotional time with most of us receiving wonderful messages from our loved ones in spirit , and most of us also giving messages to other students . Being a medium and giving such messages can be quite overwhelming at times when you know the impact that it may have on the recipient . My tutor that particular week was the very wonderful Janet Parker . She is an extremely spiritual woman and whenever I have been blessed with being in her class I have always felt that she gives each and every one of her students as much support as possible . I don 't think many people appreciate the challenges that we mediums put ourselves through when we attend these courses . It is not as if you can revise to ensure that you manage to maintain a link with spirit , or that you can practise on your own , or that you can read manuals . It really is just a case of putting yourself forward to serve spirit in the best possible way you can . It is a case of learning to allow your mind to become still so that you can connect to spirit without all the day - to - day activities , planning , worries , and the general hum drum taking over your thoughts . You have to be totally trusting when you open your awareness to make contact with spirit . Sometimes you may hear spirit , or feel them , or see visions in your mind 's eye , and you have to give the information you are given without adding your own thoughts or ideas . It is quite a discipline to learn . It is not until you try to do this for hours on end that you realise how difficult it can be to overcome all the nagging thoughts that suddenly rush into your head and scream to be heard ! Being in such a spiritual environment does seem to bring out the very best in my mediumship . I am sure that spirits are drawn to the place like moths around a light bulb . There is never a shortage of loved ones who are trying to get their messages conveyed through the students and it really does make the courses so worthwhile . The tutors guide you gently towards achieving the very best mediumship you can manage and offer tips and ideas to ensure that you develop to your highest potential . This particular week was very special as on the very first night I had received the most exact and evidential messages from both my parents through one of the tutors and then also throughout the week from several of the students . I had been going through a very tough time in my personal life and really felt the messages that I was fortunate enough to receive showed that I still had my parents around me , still loving me and supporting me and offering their advise . Each reading I had received had contained different evidence that no - one there could have possibly known . I felt incredibly blessed . As the week came to a close I felt sad that I would be leaving . Not only would I miss the teachings and the practising of my mediumship , but I knew it was unlikely that I would be in a position to receive any further communications from my parents for quite some while . Janet , and Paul Jacobs , another tutor , had organised a closing ceremony in The Sanctuary , a beautiful church attached to the college where spiritual services are held on a regular basis . It has a fantastic uplifting atmosphere and I 've always loved being there , you can almost feel arms wrapped around you as you walk in . They told us that we weren 't allowed to attend until 8pm as they had some preparations to complete . Trudie and I hadn 't really given the evening too much thought as most final evenings are nice , but not anything out of the ordinary . When we walked into the Sanctuary , just after 8pm , we were greeted by the most wonderful vision of beautiful materials and oriental rugs laid on the floor running down the centre of the church . Incense sticks were burning and candles flickered in the darkness . Hundreds of small unlit tealight candles had been placed on the materials and chairs were placed either side running the length of the Sanctuary . There was a hush of anticipation as we students all filed in quietly , taking our seats whilst gentle music was playing . Trudie and I sat next to each other about midway down the room . Janet and Paul both gave a talk about the week we had just experienced and thanked spirit for their participation in our teachings . Janet then instructed the students sitting at the end of the rows to light a candle for each loved one they had in spirit , then the lighter was to be passed to the next student , then the next etc . By the time it came to Trudie and I most of the candles were already lit and the Sanctuary looked absolutely amazing . I lit candles for my Mum , for my Dad , for my brother , for my friend Janet , and not wishing to look greedy , lit another jointly for all my aunts . uncles and grandparents in spirit . Trudie too lit candles for those she had loved and lost , including her cousin Robert whom she missed so much . When all the candles were lit Janet asked us to close our eyes . She asked us to give thanks to our guides and loved ones for helping us through the week and for allowing us to experience the love from spirit that we had all shared . Whilst our eyes were closed , and we were sitting in the candle light , Janet put on the music , To Where You Are , performed by Josh Groban . I had never heard this before and was lost in the beautiful words that meant so much to me . I couldn 't help but start crying , both because of the joy of knowing my loved ones were so close and also because of the pain and loss at realising that I can 't always reach out and touch them , speak to them , or hold them as I once did . I felt around in my pocket for a tissue and all I had was an old crumpled one . I thought it would have to do , and then I realised Trudie was crying too , she whispered to me " Do you have a tissue ? " , I only had the one , so I tore it in half , and there we were , the two of us , holding hands and using half a tissue each to mop our tears . A few weeks ago I was told that Mandy Wylde would be giving a demonstration of her mediumship at Woolston Spiritual Centre , a newly opened non - denominational centre near Southampton . I had met Mandy only a couple of times at another spiritualist church I attended a couple of years ago . I was introduced to her by another friend , Jane , and she had told me that Mandy was a very good spiritual healer and a medium , but I had never known anyone she had carried out a reading for . All the way there my tummy was churning , which is something that happens whenever spirit are close to me . It is a familiar feeling if I am sitting for spirit or in any kind of development group , but not normally when I am going to see someone else give a demonstration . I told my friend Niki that my tummy felt very odd and she said that it might mean I was going to be given a message . I have been to many demonstrations over the last few years , but so rarely received a message from any of my loved ones in spirit that I didn 't really consider that this particular night would be any different . As soon as Mandy stood up I really thought I was going to be sick , my stomach went totally ballistic and I thought I might have to leave the hall because I felt so dreadful . Then , seriously , every single hair on my body went on end , I had the biggest whooshy feeling I had ever experienced . Mandy started talking and said she had a woman in spirit with her and was talking about a house fire . I knew we had a house fire when I was very young so I kept listening to the evidence she was giving . Then she went on to say that this woman had arthritis , which again Mum had suffered with . I was still wary of putting up my hand because I would absolutely hate to steal someone elses message , but then Mandy said she could hear a song being played that she knew was important to both the woman she felt was with her , and the recipient . The song was Don 't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue ' sung by Crystal Gayle . My goodness , I was struggling to hold back the tears . When I was younger I had quite a good singing voice and Mum had specifically asked me to record myself singing this song . She carried the tape around with her for years and always made her friends listen to it whilst they were travelling in the car . Immediately I put up my hand . Mandy went on to give me the most wonderful evidence that she had my Mum with her , evidence that none of my friends even knew . It was the most beautiful heart warming message and Mandy conveyed exactly the personality of my Mum . She even talked about a discussion I had been having earlier that day , which there was no way in the world she could have possibly known about it . It was amazing . She then went on to give other messages to several other people in the hall . Each of them was delivered with respect , kindness and a real sense of who they were . She managed to lighten the atmosphere when required with funny anecdotal evidence but was also able to give the most touching messages . It was a real pleasure to spend the evening watching her demonstrate and I could have happily sat there for much longer . The hall 's atmosphere was fabulous , everyone was laughing and smiling , some were crying with joy and gasping at her incredible accuracy . She gave names , relationships , addresses and really unusual information . I have to say it was the very best demonstration of mediumship I had ever seen . A couple of weeks passed and another medium was due to hold the Sunday service at the centre , but had cancelled for some reason and so Annette asked Mandy if she could step in . I hadn 't planned on going along at all , but as the weekend went by I really felt that I must go . I wasn 't exactly sure why , but I knew I would regret it if I didn 't go . It was another lovely summers evening and the atmosphere of the hall was warm and inviting . There are large windows along one wall and the sun was shining in as we all sat there waiting for the evening to begin . I couldn 't believe it when yet again my tummy started churning and I kept praying that it would stop . To begin with Mandy gave a wonderful reading and address about a man who had been struck by lightning and had medically died but who managed to survive and could remember being dead ! It was fascinating , especially the enormous changes it made to his whole life . So often I have sat through the most long - winded boring addresses and just been waiting for them to finish , but this was really interesting . We sang a couple of songs and then Mandy stood to give her demonstration of mediumship . She gave several excellent messages to different people and after a while I could see from the clock that it was almost time for her to finish . I wondered why my tummy had been churning so much , having secretly hoped that maybe I would receive another message , but I didn 't really dare hope that would happen . I had already enjoyed the evening so much so was thinking that we would be going home in a minute or two . Then Mandy started physically describing a man who sounded very much like my brother , and again I was covered in goosebumps , but didn 't put my hand up until I had heard more . Mandy then talked about his personality , which was quite unique and she said he was telling her the name Ray - which was my brother 's name . I just knew it was him , so excitedly put my hand up . Yet again Mandy gave me astonishing evidence and even more wonderful was that my aunt had come with him , and Mandy gave the most wonderful unequivocal information about her too . I realised then why I had been so keen to go along . I felt so blessed that in a matter of just a few weeks I had received messages from both Mum and Ray . I am sure that a bright future lays ahead for Mandy . She is such a good medium that as word spreads she will certainly be in great demand ! Dearest Tisha , I am moved to tears after reading your journal , I am so thrilled you felt so much peace and love on the two occasions you came to Woolston Spiritual Centre . Some months ago I asked spirit , " put me where you want me to be " , I guess they did . I love giving evidence from the spirit world to bring love and comfort , thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings , much love xx When I was in my early twenties my ex and I lived in Twickenham and we would often drive along Richmond Road to Richmond . One day we drove past a truck with a lift attached to the back . I have no idea what they are called , but they have a small cage which normally has one or two men in it whilst they carry out maintenance to the street lamps . As we drove towards the truck I could see a film in my head of the cage being hit by a double - decker bus . I felt sick in my stomach and without realising it had let out a very loud " oh my God " . He asked me what the problem was and I told him what I had just seen in my head . He kind of tutted and said it would be fine . It was quite a long road and before the road went to the left round a bend I looked out of the back window back towards the truck . I could see a bus coming along and then to my horror it hit the cage . I gasped and shouted " oh no , you have to stop " but my ex was in busy traffic . He said that as the road was busy there would be lots of people to help . I think he expected me to just carry on as normal but I just couldn 't . In August 1990 I was working and living in Okehampton , Devon . Working so close to home meant that I could go home for lunch and give myself a welcome break from the pressure of my work . I remember one day so very well . I had sat down to eat a sandwich , put the television on and saw that the lunchtime news was giving information about a missing little girl . She was only eight years old and very strangely had been taken through an open window of a caravan whilst she and her family were on holiday in Bridport , Dorset . As I watched I felt so worried for her and concerned for her family . I doubt that anyone can imagine how it must feel to know that your child has been taken and you have no idea where she is , or even whether she is dead or alive . Oddly , as I watched the footage of a line of police officers scouring the local fields for any evidence , I had another movie playing in my head . I could see the little girl in a derelict house with a young man and she was frightened and crying . Most importantly she was alive . I felt the man was mentally unstable and that concerned me more than anything . Then , just as suddenly as the ' movie ' had started , it stopped and I was back to watching tv again . I was quite taken aback and really thought that it was just wishful thinking . There was a part of me that thought I should do something about the pictures I had just seen , but the logical part of me disregarded the nagging voice in my head , and so I put it to one side and went back to work . Throughout the afternoon though I kept seeing the same movie over and over again , and no matter how I tried to ignore it , it just wouldn 't go away . Finally , by the time I had finished work and went home I was beginning to think I was going mad . I was sure that by now they would have found the girl and as soon as I got indoors I put the tv on to see the evening news . Again , they showed the police looking for her , and yet again in my head I was shown the house she was in . I had a lurching feeling in my stomach as if I had just been given some bad news . I realised then that I couldn 't sit and do nothing and so I decided to phone my local police station . I had half expected them to tell me not to waste their time , and was in fact already wondering what else I could do if that was the case . Much to my surprise the man who answered the phone listened patiently and told me they would send a detective to come and see me . Even more surprising was that he arrived only about ten minutes later . As I opened the door a wave of embarrassment came over me , I told him that he most probably would think I was totally crazy but I just knew I had to do something and didn 't know what else to do other than phone the police . He was actually very nice and told me that having been in the police service for a number of years nothing surprised him anymore . He asked me to describe the house and the young man I had seen and also asked if I could draw the house for him . I tried my best to explain everything in the greatest detail I could , I managed to draw a rough sketch of the house and signed a formal police statement . As he left I literally prayed that someone somewhere would take notice of the information and that they would start to search houses for the little girl rather than looking in the countryside for a corpse . I really felt that time was running out and that they had been looking in the wrong place . I hardly slept that night , and again , first thing in the morning put on the tv to see the news . The little girl had still not been found . I felt I had no option but to drive the 65 miles to Bridport . I was hoping against hope that I would somehow be able to spot the house , and if I did I had planned to then inform the police . I drove around for hours , but didn 't see any houses like the one I had seen in my vision . I sadly and wearily drove back to Okehampton . A huge part of me felt I had let the little girl down and I was becoming concerned that the video I had seen in my head seemed to have gone away . I just prayed that nothing dreadful had happened to her . I was glued to the tv all evening and there was still no news . Again I had a restless night . I was puzzling why I could no longer see the pictures in my mind and also wondering if I had somehow imagined the whole thing . At last the morning arrived and the first thing I did was put the television on . Still no news . I went to work , struggling to stay awake and to stay calm but with my tummy continually churning , which I have learnt over the years is a physical response I have when spirit is close . Thankfully that day the little girl was found , safe and well . I was absolutely amazed when they showed the house on the tv and zoomed in - it was exactly the derelict house I had described to the police . Also , as I had told them , she was with a young man who was later found guilty of kidnap and imprisoned in a secure mental health unit . I now wonder if my visions had stopped because I had done all I could . I doubt if I will ever really know . After this event I seemed to go through a couple of years where many times , especially when a child went missing , I would be shown the most sad and often harrowing scenes but I was not given any further information . I would also watch tv interviews of families where children had gone missing and know instinctively who was responsible , but with no evidence to back it up I couldn 't contact anyone . I just knew that there was nothing I could do . On each occasion my ' knowing ' was proved right . Eventually I asked my guides not to let me have information if there was no action I could take to help and thankfully those kind of visions stopped . On the plus side , when I was learning to drive in deepest Devon , many of my lessons were on very narrow winding roads . Very often my driving instructor would comment on my sixth sense as I would often be happily whizzing along for miles , then I would just know to slow down and pull over , and sure enough a car would always come the other way . I had several lessons with my good friend Jeanette and she became really spooked by my unusual awareness . On so many occasions I would know exactly what other cars were going to do , even if their signals and road position indicated otherwise . One time we were behind queuing cars at traffic lights and I was supposed to get in the empty right hand lane to turn right , but I held back . Jeanette told me to move forward but I insisted that the car at the lights , indicating left and with his wheels already pointing in that direction , would be pulling across in front of me . Jeanette laughed and just thought I was being daft . Sure enough though , as the lights changed , the car in the left hand lane suddenly swung to the right and tore off at great speed . Almost thirty years ago I had a wonderful spiritual reading , by telephone , with a medium I had never met . Straight away she asked me if I ever felt ' cobwebs ' on my face as I was driving . I said yes . it was quite normal for me , and she went on to explain that it was a sign that my maternal Grandfather was with me . She told me he was a lorry driver in his life time and he was looking after me . She knew nothing about me , but she was right , he had been a lorry driver , and since that time whenever I feel ' cobwebs ' on my face I say thank you to my Grandfather . This has happened so many times , and still does , I really feel I am so fortunate to have him watching over me . Over the years I have learnt to trust spirit and the visions I have which have rarely been incorrect . I have sometimes wondered if my life would have been easier had I not been so aware , but in reality I wouldn 't change a thing . My connections with spirit have made such an enormous and positive difference to my life and hopefully , at times , have helped others along the way too . If through my awareness , even just a few people have been touched by the love of spirit and the knowledge that our lives , right now , are only part of our souls journey , then I feel truly blessed . A couple of weeks ago we went on a wonderful mini - break staying in London . I had always wanted to go to the Chelsea Flower Show as I have loved plants and gardens all my life , but it seemed there was always a reason that I couldn 't get there . This year it was actually Simon who suggested we went as he thought it might be a good place to use his wonderful new camera . Don 't get me wrong , he does like flowers and trees , and he is interested in the designs of gardens , but he doesn 't have the passion for gardening that I have . I was so excited when we booked the tickets a few months ago . At the time I was going through a fairly good phase healthwise and really thought that with a few planned breaks , I 'd be up to mulling around the show gardens and the wonderful exhibits and show stands that makes Chelsea the world - renowned show it has become . I spent hours on the internet researching places to stay and found The Presidential Apartments in Earls Court . I always feel slightly claustrophobic in a hotel room , hating the feeling of being boxed in and normally having nowhere else to sit but on the bed , and these apartments appeared to give you more space with a separate sitting area and even a kitchenette to prepare your own breakfast etc . I booked through a booking site and managed to secure a fantastic deal so I was a very happy bunny ! As the time became closer I was becoming quite despondent . My feet , legs and hips had decided they really did not want to work . I can only explain it as if when you wake up , instead of feeling refreshed and awake , you feel as if you have been mountain climbing all night and you have virtually no energy and considerable pain . I knew that my legs could only hold me up for a few minutes at a time , with very long rests in between , and was beginning to think that maybe we should just cancel and accept that this year was not going to be the year I 'd eventually get there . Simon though had a totally different plan in his mind . He was determined that we would go and still have a wonderful time , we 'd just take my wheelchair along too . I have a wheelchair and an electric scooter , and whilst I am quite happy to use the scooter if we go for a ' walk ' in the forest , or along by the coast , I have avoided using the wheelchair for a few years now . I would normally rather stay indoors and read or listen to music than brave the outside world in my wheelchair . I know it 's sometimes stupid , but I absolutely hate being in it . I was in a wheelchair quite a lot as a young child ( another story ! ) and I think because of that I almost have a phobia about using one . I feel like I 've given up . I also know it 's daft , but in my head I feel capable of everything , and so in my heart I feel a fraud sitting in a wheelchair . I also feel like I am a failure , like I have given in , like I should be able to control my body and tell it what I expect it to do . I find it so hard to accept that in reality I appear to have no input where my physical problems are concerned . I always feel a nuisance and in the way in a wheelchair , and hate the idea of looking ' disabled ' , even if , I suppose , I often am ! In preparation for our mini - break the wheelchair came out of the garage and the cobwebs and dust were flicked away . Simon re - inflated the tyres , we bought a comfy seat cushion and a very clever back cushion that doubled as a picnic pack slung over the back . The weather had been atrocious and we expected rain so I ordered a very cool purple poncho specially designed for wheelchair users . Instead of sitting in a puddle of water ( NO , not that I have accidents ! We are talking heavy rain here ! ) this poncho had cleverly designed ' flaps ' that go over the back and sides of the wheelchair - also keeping the picnic pack dry at the same time . We were set . We arranged to go by train and using my disabled rail card meant that the cost wasn 't prohibitive . Simon 's sister Wendy agreed to take us to the train station . Everything was organised . The sparkly clean wheelchair sat in the dining room but every time I walked past it I felt a massive heaviness . The thought of being in it for three days just filled me with dread . I hadn 't travelled up to London on a train for a long time and was really surprised how wonderfully clean the train was , how smooth it was too , no jigging and swaying , it was as if it was gliding along . There was an allocated space for the wheelchair so it wasn 't in anyones way , nicely tucked in a specially designed rack . It was a truly lovely journey . Comfortable seats , light and airy , just sitting chatting and enjoying the beautiful scenery of Hampshire and Surrey . Everyone at the railway station had been so helpful and nothing was too much trouble . When we arrived at Waterloo we made our way out to the taxi rank and I was pleasantly surprised at how everyone happily moved out of the way , smiling at me whilst they apologised for being where they had every right to be . The taxi driver too was a happy soul , cheerily chatting to us as he drove us to our destination . The wheelchair folded down and was no problem in the back of the cab . We were expecting a very small apartment , basically a bed - sit , but at least somewhere with a separate sitting area and a kitchenette . I couldn 't believe it when we were shown to a very stylish split - level loft - style apartment with far more space that we had ever imagined . We had huge windows with views over beautiful gardens and every modern gadget you could possibly require and very importantly , being in the middle of a heat wave , it had air conditioning too . It was totally fabulous . In the evening we decided to go for a stroll and find somewhere to eat . It had been such a hot day it was great to be out and about , albeit that I was being pushed along in my wheelchair . I had lived in South Kensington with my twin sister when we were 18 years old and hadn 't been back to that area for many many years . Amazingly I still knew my way around and before we knew it we were right outside the garden flat ( a posh way of saying basement flat ) that Tina and I had shared all those years ago . The whole area still looked exactly as it had done in the mid 70 's and I could direct Simon to soThe next day we were up at the crack of dawn to go to Chelsea ! We arrived super early and for the first couple of hours we could easily navigate around the various exhibits but as the time went on it became increasingly busy until there was not even a foot in front of me . Simon had to be so patient waiting for people to move before he could gently weave the wheelchair through the crowds without clipping people 's ankles . Yet again , people were so kind , some even calling out ' wheelchair coming through ' and everyone , without exception , would happily move out of the way . Looking at the show gardens was just brilliant . There were crowds , several people deep , all vying to take a look at the gardens , and yet when they saw me in my wheelchair people would move away from the barriers and let me through … . right to the front ! Not only did I have the best view in the house ( so to speak ) but on a couple of occasions , the actual designers came over and chatted with me . They would explain the reason for the design , why they chose certain architectural structures and how they had decided which plants to use . I felt like a V . I . P . ! ! Again , the train journey back was just great . Everyone , from the moment we left the apartment , until we arrived home , was so helpful and friendly . I can honestly say I felt I had been blessed the whole weekend . I was humbled by the incredible kindness of every single person we met . Not one person complained that I was in the way , or that they had to move for me . Everywhere we went people asked if we needed help , if there was anything they could do for us . It was incredible . When you think of all the people we had come into contact with over that weekend , and it seriously must have been in the hundreds , it was amazing how every one of them showed such consideration . We are all open to the news , whether it 's through newspapers ( which I actually don 't read ) or through the tv or radio , and the reports always seem to show that the world is full of rude and uncaring people , that we live in a world of selfishness . I can 't believe that we were just lucky with who we happened to meet in London , it proved to me that virtually everyone is actually basically good . Isn 't it a great pity that our news doesn 't reflect the reality of the society we live in ? Wouldn 't it be wonderful if our news corporations gave us a more even view of our world , rather than focussing , as they do , on acts of violence and betrayal ? So , after all my despondency , seriously considering cancelling the whole weekend and concerns about using my wheelchair , I loved our break in London . I have some wonderful memories of our time at Chelsea , but I know what will stay with me forever were the overwhelming gifts of kindness and thoughtfulness that we experienced from perfect strangers . The world is a far better place than most of us realise . It really was one of the most inspirational experiences . WordPress . com Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . • Hand in Hand with Spirit Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . Post to Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . I almost forgot . Whistler has been keeping it a secret , but he 's got himself a girlfriend . Not that I 've seen her , but he was less discreet than he obviously thought . It was probably not very mature of me , but when he asked me if it was okay for him to leave for the night , I told him yes , of course , she probably already misses you . The look of total amazement on his face lasted only a second , but from Whistler that 's more than enough . Is anyone surprised that I didn 't get a full night 's sleep ? No , I didn 't think so . Sometime in the early hours I was woken by Splash who was screaming her head off in the street and when I ran outside , I found Claire unconscious next to her . Splash didn 't make much sense , but she seemed to think that she was responsible . Did I mention she was completely naked ? So I gave her my coat and brought Claire into the pub . Liz brought Splash inside . Claire came around fairly quickly , screaming about getting shot at . Liz calmed her down while I talked to Splash . She was holding onto something and I finally got the idea of taking a look at her with AR : she was holding an old rifle and she wore threadbare clothes . Both rifle and clothes looked amazingly real , more real than pretty much anything I 've seen in AR before . She told me that she had had trouble sleeping and when she went online , she had a feeling of being watched . When it didn 't stop , she went to Liz to get something to sleep . Liz gave her a Prozac and I have no idea what Liz was thinking . Not much apparently . I 'm almost sure she didn 't ask one single question before handing out that pill . I 'll talk to her tomorrow , we 're both not at our best right now and it would only end in a shouting match . It still may . Anyway , Splash took the Prozac and went on a really bad trip . Glitzy has given her an EVO seed a while ago . EVO is a program bordering on AI that evolves into a sort of miniature jungle with all kinds of animals and plants . Pretty impressive and pretty invasive . Splash imagined some ants from EVO talking to her and followed them only to be swallowed by one of the black flowers her EVO produced . She ended up in a tunnel with a little boy who gave her the rifle and told her that they had to fight for their lives . People were kicking down the door behind them , so they ran and came to an abandoned house . A glance outside showed tanks and soldier , all wearing the MCT logo . Splash was hit in the head by something , lost consciousness and woke up again , only to discover that she was still wearing the clothes and holding the rifle . The clothes had a Star of David sewn to them , by the way . I called Glitzy because I thought that she might know a bit more about this , especially about the EVO part . Splash stalled for a while , but she finally admitted to us that she is a Technomancer . She also told us that she had lost her , hm , spirit guide for want of a better word . She called him to take a look at the rifle and when he touched it , he simply vanished . I can only imagine how that feels - I 've only encountered Mr Snautz a couple of times , but he certainly is a part of me and losing him would be a catastrophe . The spirit guide at least could tell her that the rifle is a sort of combat program . Splash said that she has made some changes to her EVO that resulted in weird black flowers and climbing plants that have already migrated outside of her container . We went to take a look at the plants and discovered Snake , Splash 's boyfriend , unconscious and entangled in the plants . I tried to pull him away and the plants let go , but left bleeding wounds . I 'd rather not risk hurting him , so I left him where he was , who knows what the plants and the wounds symbolize . The really weird thing is that Snake is hooked up to the Matrix without a comlink or any other device that would allow him to access it , not even cyberware of any kind . We suspect that the Matrix Surgeon may have something to do with all this , but we 're not sure at all . Fuck . I just realized that no - one has seen our cyberwhores for a while . They were working to earn money to rebuild the Nest and one of them came to get food and stuff a few times , but not recently . I should check on them , they had been a target for the Surgeon last time . In the morning repairs were at full swing , people were doing their best to rebuild their homes . The clinic is mostly burned out and I 've lost much of my equipment , but I got a tip that there was an abandoned street clinic where we just had to walk in and take what was left . I should have known that this was too good to be true . Gilettes , Slicer and Eric left to get the stuff and returned a short while later . They did have all the equipment we needed , but they also had a run - in with a ghoul . Slicer and Gilettes are pretty much unhurt , but Eric has deep clawmarks . At least there are no bites . All three are now in quarantine and I 'm doing my best to prevent the virus from infecting them . I do think that they have a chance , but apart from Growler and Liz , no - one knows what exactly happened to them or we might well have a mob on our hands . Speaking of ghouls , John has recovered from the pneumonia , but when I drove out to check on him , I ran into ghoul hunters . I managed to get away after a short shootout and drove back to the Nest . There was no way I was going to search for John in that situation . We loaded his belongings into the van and John got in at the back , closing the doors behind him , allowing us to keep our distance . Glitzy drove us to another abandoned factory where the smell of chemicals will mask John 's own smell . He also has access to the sewers there . On our way back to the Nest we passed John 's old hiding place and a group of hunters had gathered there , at least thirty people , surely enough to kill any ghoul they might have found . Most of the Picas , former Picas I should probably say , have now left the Nest . Maggie threw most of them out in the afternoon , as a demonstration that she now belongs to the Scrappers and that the Picas no longer exist . That went pretty well , all things considered . We 'll see how she fits in with us . There are now only six Picas left who are injured too badly to walk , the rest only had minor injuries . Oh , and Liz actually assumed that I would leave the Nest and my patients for a roll in the hay with Glitzy when I told her that I had to leave for an hour . I couldn 't tell her that I would be relocating this ghoul I know , but even so I 'd thought she 'd know me better than that . Yes , okay , it can 't be easy for her seeing me with Glitzy , but damn it , she didn 't manage to tell me how she felt for three years . I hope she gets a grip on herself and soon . During the Radio shack run , we got our hands on toy drones . Those things are pretty agile and big enough to carry a payload . After some trial and error , people got quite good at piloting the drones , so we loaded them up with flashbangs and rigged them to explode . With rush hour traffic in the Barrens at full swing , we managed to get close to the Nest undetected and hid in the hills of garbage . The Picas had turned a fifty yard stretch around the Nest into a death zone with no cover at all , so an open attack would have been suicide . The drones could get into the Nest unseen we hoped and so an army of Hello Kittys , garden gnomes , bunnies , little doggies and teddy bears made its way over the open ground and reached the containers , coming from several different directions . My drone was attacked by a dog and I had to explode it . At the time , the group that entered the Nest via the main street was already hidden under the wooden sidewalk and took that as a cue to explode as well . Others made their way further into the Nest . All in all , we created chaos and confusion among the Picas and like we had hoped , many of them took a dose of Kamikaze to get ready for our attack . Now we sat back and waited for an hour , I estimated that the drug would by then have worn off with almost all the Picas and then they would crash , become incapacitated or at least seriously handicapped . Splash came up with the idea to play a high frequency tone over the loudspeakers of the Nest and even at a distance of a hundred yards , it grated on the nerves . It must have had quite an effect on the Picas , high on drugs and awaiting an attack at every moment . I took the time to conjure up a couple of Watchers and a ghost and asked them to find and confuse the Picas during our attack . I chose the ghost of one of the Picas I killed , with the hope that the sight alone of someone they know to be dead would at least startle them . Under cover of darkness and with a couple of our people laying down suppressive fire to keep the Picas from shooting at us , we crossed the death zone and attacked , again in several small groups and from different directions . The Picas had gone into hiding , the Nest was silent and empty , even the squatters had disappeared . I went with Blaster and Cameron , who went up on the containers as our spotter . Blaster ran into a trap and almost got shot by a Pica who had hidden in some trash . After a short fire fight , the kid went down and we continued , further into the Nest . The containers are only a couple of yards apart and we already knew that there would be traps , so turning a corner and even walking down the small alleys was nerve - wracking . We discovered a wire across our way just in time and Cameron spotted some movement in a second storey container . He shot an explosives dart through the window and the Pica who had been hiding there caught fire , crashed through the window in panic and landed right in front of us . We took the time to roll him over to extinguish the flames , but not more . It 's probably going to haunt me , but this was not the time for compassion . The other groups reported that the Picas were using Molotov cocktails and jury - rigged flamethrowers , we could easily hear the screams , the gunfire and the occasional explosion . Five Picas ran through the alley across from us and before the could react , both Cameron and I had shot one of them . The others hid behind the corner , just like we did . One of them spotted Cameron and fired at him , but missed . Blaster cut the fight short with a hand grenade , none of them survived that . By the time we reached the main street , the fight was pretty much over . Most of the Picas died , they fought hard to keep the Nest and very few of them surrendered or ran . Only about twenty are still alive and most of them are badly hurt . We lost none of our people , mainly thanks to the armor we were wearing . But we have people who are badly hurt , with gunshot wounds or severe burns . I set up a makeshift field hospital in Growler 's pub and got to work , luckily I got help from Cameron , Liz and Glitzy . Still , it took hours to treat everybody , especially since the Picas had abused the squatters who stayed behind when we left the Nest in every way imaginable . Whistler had a shrapnel wound in his leg and lost a lot of blood , but he 'll be fine . I 'm worried about Gargle who took a bullet to the foot and I 'm not sure I can keep the wound from becoming infected . Rusty has been hit by both a shotgun and a Molotov cocktail , he has third degree burns and , at least for now , he 's blind . When they brought him in , he was in shock , but by the time I got to him , he had started to freak . I had to drug him to keep him from going into a total panic and right now , I 'm waiting for him to wake up again so I can tell him that the blindness will not be permanent , as far as I can see . I 'll try to get some sleep while I wait , it 's already three in the morning . He looked even worse this time , but from a distance , I couldn 't really tell what exactly was wrong . I had to get close to be even reasonably sure what to treat him for . None of us were very happy with that idea and I 'm not in a hurry to do that again . It was a close call , John almost lost it and only just kept himself from attacking me . I prefer not to think about my chances against him . He suffers from pneumonia . I gave him antibiotics , but to be honest I have no idea if they will actually work for him . We 'll know more in a few days . If they don 't work , I 'm afraid I will need to come up with something and that won 't be possible without examining him again . It might be possible to put him under with a couple of tranq patches , but who knows if he 'll agree to that . It 's a lot to ask from him and I hope I won 't have to . So . I helped Glitzy pack up her things and we moved to a house she had ' acquired ' in Snohomish . As soon as I saw it , I felt at home there . It 's not all that big , but more than enough for one or two persons and deep in the woods . I didn 't even know how much I had missed nature until then . There 's a ton of work to be done and the first thing we did was to fumigate the house , the mattress seemed capable of walking away and I don 't even want to know what was hiding in the woodwork . While the bug bombs did their work , we drove to the warehouse where the Rat 's Nest people would be holding their council of war . Since Growler so elegantly dropped the job of leading into my lap , I would be the one to chair the meeting and I had a serious case of stage fright . It went fairly well , all things considered . We came up with a good amount of money that will pay the debts we have and will help with rebuilding the nest , but it 's nowhere near enough . So we need money and that 's where the new Radio Shack that was to be opened today came in . Saphira had contact to someone willing to pay a fair amount of money for us to rob the store and what made the offer even more attractive was that we could get a lot of things we would be needing at the Nest . Splash hacked into the security system , rerouted all the alarms and opened the doors for us . There also was a night - watchman , but he proved even less of a problem than we 'd thought . When Splash changed the door codes , he got locked into the security room and since she looped the cameras , he never even noticed anything wrong . With four trucks and twenty people , we were in and out of there in under half an hour and as far as I know , we never triggered an alarm . But when we left , we could hear sirens coming towards us , so something or someone had tipped Hard Corps off . Before we could panic too much , there was a huge explosion and gunfire , someone was clearly attacking the cops . We took that as our cue to leave quietly and drive , well within speed limits , to the storage facilities we had arranged earlier . Watching the news , we found out that there had been a well - planned attack on the security forces , with quite a few casualties . So the stuff we stole is way too hot to sell or keep , we 'd be asking for trouble . Fortunately , we came to an agreement with the Johnson to sell him the stuff and we 'll be able to buy what we need at a very low price . We 've been pawns in the conflict between Knight Errant and Petrovski Security yet again , I guess . Someone wanted to fuck with Knight Errant at least and a robbery directly under their noses definitely doesn 't make them look too good . Anyway , we need to be careful that we don 't get hurt badly by that game . And speaking of badly hurt : we tried to get our hands on the Hard Corps guns that people stole from the cops back at the Nest . Seven are accounted for , but three are missing and may well have been sold to the Picas . If that turns out to be true , we may have a problem on our hands when we try to retake the Nest . So , let 's see . By noon yesterday , I had operated on Growler and stolen and disposed of a body . A few hours later , the police had raided the apartment next to ours . And a few hours after that , the Russian mob kicked down our door . Rivet 's memory 's still not any better and he absolutely wanted to talk to Jury . I did some checking and the man 's a boxing promoter , Jury Medwedew . I can 't say I was feeling very comfortable about it , but I had too much on my mind to really think about it and so Rivet made the call from the apartment . Believe me , I wince when I think about it . Basically , we gave the Russian mob the address of our safe house , it wasn 't that hard for them to trace the comlink . There was enough time to get everyone out and on the roof , Rivet took off out of the window and down the street . Since the Russians didn 't capture him , I was taken hostage and it was made very clear to me that I would die if Rivet didn 't turn up soon . With Glitzy and the others on the lookout for Rivet , there was nothing to do but wait . That I did tied to some pipe in a backroom of the boxing club where the Russians has brought me . I can 't say that I was treated badly , apart from getting tethered like some animal . I even managed to sleep a bit . But I was terrified . The helplessness was the worst part , just waiting to see if someone would put a gun to my head . I would have fought , but what chance would I have had ? The whole situation ended fairly undramatically when Rivet walked in . He had decided to surrender and he had come to an agreement with Jury . I 'm not at all sure that we have seen the end of this , but I was let go and Rivet and I walked out of there unharmed . Glitzy and I have spend the night at her place . Well , at the place she 's been allowed to stay by the original owner . But we 've lost that as well because we both forgot to clean up my comlink after the Russians had hacked it while I was their hostage . It 's not like they will be turning up here now , but still , so when Glitzy wakes up , we 'll move . I said I expected trouble from Whistler when he found out about Glitzy and man , it 's sucks being right . He really has an uncomfortable gift of picking out weak spots in someone and then saying just the right thing to hurt . We had it out , in front of everybody no less , at least until Whistler walked out on me yet again and I 'm fairly sure that this would have been the last I would have seen of him if I hadn 't followed him . As it is now , we 've come to a solution we all can live with fairly well . Whistler wants to live on his own when we have the Nest back - something I thought about as well , if I had seen any way of making that offer without making him think I was throwing him out . I had asked Growler to come see me at the Cow after breakfast last night . What he did was knock on the door at sunrise and one look at him was enough to tell me that he didn 't have any time to waste . His liver had already been in bad shape , but now it was failing completely and rapidly . Dialysis gave me enough time to get my hands on a nephritic screen . Growler tried to squirm out of it , saying that he was already feeling much better . He agreed to let me operate when I told him bluntly that he was dying and would be dead in a few days without the operation . It was touch and go for a few minutes , but Growler pulled through and the screen is working well . When he found out that he wouldn 't be able to get drunk any more , Growler gave me hell . He knows that he has been ignoring my advice and my warnings for years , though , and he also knows I didn 't have any choice . Won 't stop him from complaining , I guess , but I can live with that . The nephritic screen was of course second hand and I acquired it together with its former owner , so I had a body on my hands that needed to disappear . I took Glitzy to see John . I 've been meaning to do that anyway . I 've never been able to tell anyone about him , but I had the feeling that Glitzy would be more accepting than other people and I was right . John is in bad shape , he clearly hadn 't eaten for who knows how long . I have to get my hands on some warm clothes and other stuff to make sure he doesn 't simply freeze to death one night . Glitzy also warned me that she had no problems smelling him and that hunters may have even less of a problem . After our night at the hotel , Glitzy and me were having breakfast when Saphira called and told Glitzy that Splash had been abducted by a troll bounty hunter . Apparently , there is a reward by Petrovski Security on capturing her , which was news to me . But we all have our secrets and this is not something you just tell people . Splash had managed to call the Hellhounds as well , but they were too far away , Glitzy and me were much nearer and we did find her comlink , so we could follow her . The troll brought her to a warehouse , with some gangers keeping a look - out in front . We found the back door and snuck into the building . Neither of us would have any chance against a troll in an all - out fight , so a surprise attack was our best bet . I made some noise to lure him out of the door and it worked , but only just . Glitzy attacked him with her stun baton and I used my taser on him , it was enough to drop him . I added a tranq patch because I didn 't want him to wake up too soon . We got Splash out of the restrains and left , but not without scavenging what we can use . It 's not something I 'd do normally , but with the Rat 's Nest in the hands of the Picas , we need all the weapons and equipment we can get our hands on . I doubt the troll will be very happy about this when he wakes up and I really hope he never finds out who exactly did this . She had caught my eye back then , but when we met at some hotel so that she could teach me about magic , I certainly wasn 't in the mood to do anything about that . That 's what I thought at least , it seems my subconscious had other plans . A ghost materialized and well , let 's just say we both confronted our desire for each other much sooner than we normally would have . Anyway , I 'm feeling a bit more at home with my magic now . I called my first ghost on purpose this morning . My grandmother , which may have not been the best choice considering what we had been doing , but I felt safe with her and it worked fairly well . And Glitzy … I 've fallen hard for her . I 've never been someone to fall in love quickly and I 've avoided even harmless flings in the last years . Maybe that 's why it has hit me so hard , but whatever it is , I don 't care . I just want to be with her and luckily she feels the same . I expect trouble when Whistler finds out , but the first real trouble came from a direction I had absolutely not foreseen . When we got back to the safehouse , Liz used her shockhand on Glitzy and walked out , simply stepping over her body as if nothing had happened . At first , I didn 't even get what had happened , but when I did , I was angry enough to bite Liz 's head off . It took me some time to help Glitzy , luckily for Liz probably . When I went to look for Liz , she was standing on the stairs outside , crying hard . I had an idea why she attacked Glitzy , but I wanted to hear it from her anyway . I feel like an idiot for not seeing it , but Liz has been in love with me all that time now . It just didn 't register with me . But even if it had , it would have changed nothing . She is … or was … a friend , but not more . And being in love with me does not entitle her to decide over my private life , as she seems to think it does . We had moved Rivet to the Cow ( clinic on wheels , a converted van ) , the bathhouse was not really the right place for someone in his condition . This morning , he surprised me by waking up , I would have guessed that this would have taken much longer . Unfortunately , he suffers serious memory loss and thinks he has been injured during a regular boxing match . He also believes that we have 2066 , so he has currently no memory of anything concerning the Rat 's Nest . I was less delicate than I could have been in telling him , but he 'll have to face the reality soon enough whatever I tell him . We have suffered our first casualty , one of the Scrappers had been knocked unconscious by the water cannons and no - one found him until morning . He froze to death . He had a wife and three children . I was on my way to tell his wife when shots were fired , four or five , very quickly . The target were the Hard Corps cops and four of them were lying in the middle of the street , dead or dying . My first thought was who in the Rat 's Nest would be stupid enough to do that ? And speaking of stupid : Splash actually ran right towards them , whatever she was trying to do . She went down as well , it looked like she had been hit , but there were no shots . I decided that she had probably come to her senses and was playing dead . She later told me that she had been absolutely certain she had been hit twice and died . I don 't know what happened , she 's perfectly fine , although she seemed a bit dazed from the whole experience . One of the cops , the lieutenant , was still moving . I couldn 't let him bleed to death , so I ventured out to drag him back to cover . He had been hit badly and was bleeding out . I had crossed about half the distance back to the containers when the rest of the cops came running , guns at the ready and shouting at me to drop the lieutenant and to get on the ground . I put the lieutenant down and knelt next to him , trying to keep at least one hand on the wound , and shouted at the cops not to shoot . Next thing I knew , six cops were on top of me and all I could do was curl up while they beat the shit out of me . I got at least one good blow to the head because I lost consciousness for a while . When I came round again , the cops were trying to fight off just about all the dogs of the Rat 's Nest plus a mob of people . I did the best I could for the lieutenant so that he wouldn 't die right there and then and I tried to calm the people down , the last thing we needed were more dead cops . It worked - the cops all were beaten badly and people took their guns , pretty much all their stuff , but they 'll all live . Good enough for me . The lieutenant was not in great shape , but he realized that I had saved his life . We came to an agreement : the cops would keep silent about what exactly had happened and the people of the Nest would get out before Doc Wagon arrived , which would be in about 15 minutes tops . He tried to negotiate for their weapons , but even if I had been willing to get them back , there was no way anyone would have returned them . So we left the Nest as quickly as possible . We 'll see what will be left when we get back . For now , we 're in a number of hideouts Saphira has come up with . She has also come up with an attorney , Al Goodmann , who she says is well worth the money he asks . He told me that he thinks he can get our people out of jail by tomorrow since there were a number of … irregularities with the raid , the lack of a warrant not being the least . I hope he can deliver . Oh , and I almost forgot : a couple of our dogs ( Rivet 's pug Mr Wrinkles and my Rott Jasper among them ) turned up at Splash 's hiding place and pretty much wrecked it . Don 't ask me how they found her , in fact don 't ask me why they suddenly went all Baskerville on the cops who attacked me . I have no idea what 's going on there . Anyway , I took Jasper and the other dogs with me , Blaster kept one of the strays . While I was being beaten by the cops , I didn 't lose consciousness as much as I stepped out of my body . It was a freaking near death experience , complete with white light . I found myself standing next to the cops and I felt pity for the poor guy they were busy beating , but it was all a bit distant . Maybe I was just distracted by the fact that Mr Snautz , Rivet 's Great Dane , who had been shot during the raid , was talking to me . Rip was also there and he wanted me to come with him , he said he had found a way out ( through a window under one of the containers that glowed with a bright light ) . I was somewhere between taking it all seriously and " you 've got to be kidding me " . I mean , I never bought into all that spirit stuff even as a kid and now here I was , talking to a dead dog . In any case , Mr Snautz asked me whether I really wanted to go back . I did - following Rip may have been the easy way out , but I wasn 't willing to leave my friends and the people who depend on me . God ( or whoever ) knows I 've been thinking about just leaving the Rat 's Nest often enough , but if there ever was a time for making a graceful exit , it 's long gone now . So back I went . I have no idea what triggered all that , maybe really just a blow to the head . My whole body hurts when I move , but I 'm not all that badly injured , nothing life - threatening in any case . Maybe it was just a way for my subconscious to kick my butt , to get me to acknowledge that I had a lot more responsibilities than just myself . If that was the case , it worked , thank you very much . Next time , how about something a bit more subtle ? |
Here it is December 29th , 7 A . M . and we as a family still have not had Christmas . Oh , Estella and I have had a couple of Christmas celebrations already , just not with the whole family . We all , 23 of us , get together only once a year sometime around Christmas to celebrate . This year , and probably in the years to come , we will be at the Holiday Inn Holidome where they will furnish our dinner , traditional style , and a room big enough to get everyone in at the same time . We will all be there except for son - in - law Dan who has to be with the Wichita State women 's basketball team , he is the trainer and oversees their aches , pains and wraps . We have elected to be in Salina mainly because , it is more centrally located than going to any kids house and it is less trouble letting someone else cook and clean for us . Plus , it affords a place where the grand kids can play and swim and we can visit more easily . The last two Christmas time 's brought celebrating in very uncomfortable situations . First two years ago , just before we got together , two days before to be exact , for our first celebration at the Holidome in Salina , Estella was diagnosed with Cancer , so she was in the hospital . Thankfully and praise the Lord , she has gone through radiation and chemo and has been cancer free for a year and a half . We owe it all to the good Lord and prayer from many friends and many people we don 't even know . Then last Christmas , we were planning to be in Salina again and I ended up in the hospital from August 27th until December 23rd in Topeka . But that did not stop us as everyone came to Topeka where we were living at the Thornton Place Retirement Home and they set us up with a great place to have our gathering and we ordered a large amount of pizza . Not traditional Christmas , but it didn 't matter it was wonderful being together with everyone . We are now home as of last February 28th and both are getting along very well . One seems to be so much better off when it comes to healing when one can be in his / her own surroundings . So , as the title Posted by Is it just me or does no one know when their lights are on bright at night ? Lately I have noticed that there are a lot of cars driving in town and on the highways that are using their bright lights . In the olden days if you encountered a car with bright lights you would flash yours a couple times and in common courtesy the other driver would dim his / her lights . Not anymore ! ! ! Or maybe these new lights are just so bright and my eyes are so old I just think they are on bright . Or maybe everyone is so involved in their cell phones they are clueless if they are driving on bright or not . Speaking of lights , what is with these real bright blue lights anyway ? I don 't like them either as they bother me even more . Maybe I should convert to those real bright lights and join in the program of being clueless to my driving habits . No , I refuse , I don 't need another thing to be clueless about in my life , I have enough already . Well . thanksgiving is over ! ! ! We had 14 for dinner on Thursday . In our little house it was crowded , but we managed very well . Daughter Monica brought the turkey and mashed potatoes with her and then cooked the rest on Thursday morning . Daughter Gwen and her family came bringing the bread and deserts . It was all very good , all we had to prepare was the ham and buy the salad . Monica and family came on Wednesday and went home on Saturday . We got to keep the 2 boys , ages 7 and 2 , on Wednesday night and again on Friday night . That was the tiring part . It is evident why children come to you when you are young . I don 't know how grandparents that take on raising their grandchildren do it . I don 't think there is any way we would be strong enough mentally and physically to do it . Holidays are such a grand time of food , family , food , friends , food and good times . Oh yes did I mention the food ? We have enough leftovers to get us by for a few days , but it is always just as good the second and third and fourth time around . We so enjoyed the kids , and when Gwen 's family came there were 4 more . Luckily , only one is of the younger age , so he , Matthew and Logan , played downstairs most of the time . If I just had a small fraction of all the energy that was in our house for Thanksgiving I would be much more healthy . We will get together with all the family for Christmas on January 3rd . There will be 22 of us at that time , so we will gather at the Holidome where there is more room and more for all the kids to do . We praise the Lord for such good children and grand kids , it is truly a blessing like no other . Let 's examine listening . . . We have so many things to listen too , I 'm talking not just about sounds . Of course the most important thing I have to listen to is my wife , believe me I have had times when I didn 't do a very good job . In fact she would probably tell you there were times when I didn 't listen at all . I try , but at times I just can 't understand what she is saying or where she is coming from . Next , we have to listen to our bodies / bones , our heads , our hearts , and my stomach . You notice I didn 't include everyone in the last one . I don 't have trouble listening to my body as it creeks and pops and pains all the time . My head is a different story and I get it mixed up with my stomach all the time . If you know me , you know this is true and my head is winning . Another thing my head tells me is that I want this or that when in fact I really don 't need it , I just want it . Too many times my wants edge out the needs , but I am getting better at this one than I used to be , but I still have to be careful . There are times I wish I had listened to my head instead of my heart and visa - versa . Like the time I got married the first time . I don 't know what I was feeling or thinking , but maybe I should have thought it through a little more . I really think God had a part in that first marriage , He knew it was wrong but He also knew there were three kids that needed a dad . If I had actually listened to my heart , I would not have those three kids today and things would have not worked out so that I would end up with my wife of today and another child that needed a dad . By the time I met and married my wife I finally knew what I supposed to feel and listened to my heart . Thank you Lord ! ! ! What I need to learn is the difference of what my head tells me and what my stomach needs , how do I know for sure . I have never been one that could tell the difference unless I was so stuffed that I was uncomfortable . Believe me , I have been uncomfortable many times . Well , I guess I will just have to try to work this out in my head some way or contPosted by Yes , it is just another day in my life of days . But , considering the options , this is great . I am so thankful I am here now able to even type a blog . I am also thankful that my wife and I are able to live in our house together . There was a time when all this was in doubt , but with much prayer from many people , many we don 't even know , we both pulled through a very tough 2007 . So when I say just another day it is with great appreciation of having just another day . I have a very close friend , Dave , who is very close to going to be with the Lord . He has lived a very good and full life , he is 88 I think , but that doesn 't mean he shouldn 't live to 100 . He has already lived way past when the doctors thought he would , so just another day means a lot more to him than me . I guess we don 't realise how important that one more day can be . I can remember in my fathers last days , he wanted just one more day and one more chance . He had had many heart attacks in the last year of his life and had chosen to not do what the doctors told him that he needed to do to live longer . That was another wish on his death bed , that if he could just have one more chance he would do what he was told . He told my mother on that last week of his life that he did not want to die alone . So , we all sat with him around the clock for several days . On the last day of his life he told mother he had seen Jesus and was ready to go home . It was my sitting time from about 10 PM to 8 AM . My sister and aunt came up to relieve me and I went out of the room for only seconds to let them know there was no change . When we walked back into the room he was gone . I really believe he waited until no one was there to die . There is another strange story about his death , as my sister and children and I were on the way to the grave site , my sister and I were talking about how daddy had gone to a better place we were sure . My daughter who was only 5 at the time spoke up and said she knew grandpa went to heaven . Why , we ask her was she so sure ? She said , " because I saw him goinPosted by After watching Bill O ' Rilley last night I have a renewed feeling about our country . We all have to come together and back the new President Elect instead of worrying about what might happen . So that 's why I say , can 't we all just get along . The test for him first is going to be the economy . He has to get a hold on the economy first or he losses credibility with those that elected him . Of course , he is going to have to deal with Russia it appears , as they are already testing him the day after election . If John McCain can pledge to work with President Obama , so can I . Time will tell if this was a good choice or not , but I for one hope and pray it was . All I know is that this country can 't go on the way it is now , it has to change and that is what was promised so let us wait and see if the change comes before we jump on the " OH NO " band wagon . The feeling I got from the O ' Rilley Factor last night is that the new president will govern form the middle of the road . If he does , he will probably have more trouble with the far far left from his own party than he will from the Republicans . America can 't afford the far left or the far right , we need the stability of down the middle decision making because that is where the good for the country will come from . My Democratic friends have trouble talking about the mess we are in without getting all rilled up . Maybe I am to much of a non - worrier , but I don 't like to spend time getting upset abut things I can 't control . So , can 't we all just get along ? I will if you will . I will and I will continue to pray for the mess the new president has to take over . I for one don 't know why anyone would want to jump into all the trouble nationally and world wide that President Obama is taking over . I guess he must really want to change the country , for the better is all we can hope for . One more thing while I am on this Soap Box , during the last four years especially , the major media , celebrities and even my own friends I spoke about have referred to President Bush as just Bush . Even if you donPosted by Good morning everyone , As I sit here doing nothing I looked around the room and noticed I have a weather ball , a glass ball filled with red water that has a tube running out the bottom of the ball and up to the top where another very much smaller ball is located . When the weather is changing for the worse , the red water rises up the tube to the small bubble on top . I think this is correct , the barometric pressure rising makes the water rise . This forecasts when the weather is changing , like now for instance , the red water is clear up to the top and in the small ball or bubble . Bad weather is coming . On the wall across the room is another weather forecaster , a very old thing with a dial that goes from stormy to change to fair . Now it is on change , I don 't know how old this item is but it was my fathers pride and joy when he was alive . He thought he could forecast weather with it and be ahead of what was coming . Anyway , it was one thing I really wanted of his after he passed . Then , on the opposite wall is an in - door out - door thermometer , which of course lets me know what the temp is in or out , but it doesn 't forecast any weather change , only weather or not a coat is in need for the day . Then , of course , I have this computer thing on which I get daily and sometimes twice daily weather updates from KWCH TV in Wichita . Also on the computer , I have a link to the Intellacast Weather Radar site . With this I can also see the weather change as it happens . It will show tracking of fronts as they move in , which by the way one is moving in as I type this . So , the weather is supposed to be colder and wetter . What started all this looking around the room was the fact that I was popping some Tylenol for the pain in my knees and I thought , why do you need all these things to tell you the weather is changing . My arthritis in my knees is a full 24 hours ahead of any of the mechanical devices I have to go by . Some people may say I am crazy , but ask any one with the same problem and we all agree , the weather change has a great affect on hPosted by So , here I sit at this computer bored and nothing to do so I will blog . Wait , does that rate at something to do ? Anyway , what do I blog about today . Let just see . It 's windy and warm outside , not bad for November 1st but not very interesting . I always have understood that when you have nothing to say , talk about the weather . The election is tomorrow , yea ! ! ! I am so ready for it all to be done with . I am tired of nothing but political ads and news full of nothing else . Who ever wins , I hope it will be the best for our country . I have my opinion but will not share it on a blog . If you know me you know my opinion and I have not changed . This is the first month in a long time where the first two weeks are pretty much empty , so we will probably just sit around and watch the boob tube . What fun ! ! All my football teams pretty much suck . Kansas City had the game won yesterday and let it get away , so whats new . Dallas just plain stinks and Denver is not far behind . I am getting over a sinus infection and am feeling much better than I did all weekend . How do they start anyway ? We played cards on Friday night with friends and once again , the men dominated . I am sure it will all turn around on us someday , but until then we will continue to be the poor winners that we are . The girls get tired of all the bragging , but hey , when your hot your hot . I can tell you one thing , this is not helping the boredom situation . I have a sort of funny thing happen over the weekend . On Saturday I got up and made coffee and breakfast . No , that 's not the funny part . I had the remote control sitting on the table by my coffee cup where it should not have been . You might guess , I spilled the coffee right in the remote . Now you know a man without use of his remote is pretty much lost . We got by all day by only changing the station , manually , one time . I went to bed early , who could stay up if the remote didn 't work . Well anyway I got up Sunday and tried the remote and low and behold it worked . Guess is dried out . There were a few buttons that didn 't workPosted by I am writing this blog because she said so ! ! ! That is my sister that said so and I have always done wheat my sister said . We visited our son and his family over the weekend and this phrase came up several times . it always will when there are kids involved . I can remember asking " why " to many things my mother told me to do and the answer was always , because I said so . I believe that was all I needed to go ahead and follow orders , but anymore there are more way 's and said so 's than there were when I was a child . Why , you ask ? Because if my mother said so and I didn 't , then the next thing was " wait till your father gets home " . I hated that reasoning , so I just did what I was told , or at least that is my story . I am sure my sister would disagree with me . All in all though , we are blessed with a group of very good grand kids . I have seen , in my years of retail and police work , how kids can act up and how there is no respect of authority . Why is that ? Well here is my opinion , parents are too busy and preoccupied with all that is going on to just one simple thing . That is , just be consistent . By this I mean if you tell your kids to do something don 't let them get by with continuing to do whatever it is you have told them not to do . So , see this is the problem . In my childhood , I knew if I didn 't follow orders I would get a spanking and I , in most cases , did not want that . Oh , I was not a perfect kid by any stretch , but I learned a respect for others property and what it meant to mind with out more than one because I said so . Have a good weekend to all . Winter is coming , and I for one am not happy about it . I don 't like winter and haven 't since I had to work in it at the Chevy dealership in Lubbock . As a kid , of course , I loved the snow and sledding and building snowmen . But , as I got older and went to work , my first job as I said was at the Chevy dealership . My primary job was getting new cars ready for delivery and my secondary job was checking them in when they came in on transports . Normally this was not a bad thing , but invariably the colder , wetter , icier and snowier it was , that is when at least multiple transports would show up . the factory only put enough fuel in the cars and trucks to get them to the dealer in the summer , not the winter . Between the railroad and transport companies , most of the cars / trucks would be out of gas or worse the battery would be dead , or both . I would have to climb around on this big truck full of cars putting a gallon of gas in them and / or replacing the batteries . This is when I learned to hate Winter . Another thing about winter is that I hate putting on heavy coats and then driving . I have an old faded jacket that I have worn for the last several years , that is very light weight , but I use it anyway . I figure I can take the cold long enough for the heater to get warm and then again getting in wherever I am going . The coldest I ever got was when I had on jeans , long sleeve shirt and insulated coveralls . heavy gloves and a helmet . I should mention I was ridding my motorcycle and the temperature was in the 20 's . But then , the motorcycle ownership is a whole other blog . Now that we are retired , we have decided that if it is icy or snowy , we stay in the house where it is warm . I know that there will be those times when we will have to get in the cold , but that is OK , I can handle it in my own way , as I said . Another thing about Winter , the driving conditions . If everyone would just stay home if at all possible there would be a lot less accidents . It is my belief , most people have no clue how to drive on icy or snowy streets anyway . FPosted by Being bored with nothing to do and waiting on a phone call , I will try writing a lot about nothing . Is anyone else ready for the election to be over ? I am , I am tired of hearing the same old things from all candidates over and over . How about lets just make it a law , no one can campaign except a month before the election . Eliminate the conventions too , what a wast of time and money . Well , just got the phone call so not waiting on that anymore . Anyway , back to politics - - - how can anyone know what to do ? I heard a comment the other morning on the radio that sure makes sense , whoever you are for won the debate - - period . So true , so true ! ! ! ! this same person was commenting about the undecided voters in the polls , she said if she gets called , she just tells them she hasn 't decided to get them to quit calling although she has made up her mind . Speaking of phone calls , we get at least one and sometimes two hone calls a week form City Card telling me this is my last chance to save on interest rates . I sure wish it was and they wouldn 't call anymore . After all , what happened to the no call list I signed up for several years ago that was supposed to last forever , I thought . Another example , I give to Special Olympics every year , well now this year I have caught them trying to get donations every 3 months . I may have to refuse them next year if this keeps up . Do these people think we are stupid and brain dead ? Oops , never mind that question I think I just answered it . Another thing I am wondering about , here in Salina before there was a water shortage , my lawn care people put on fertilizer 4 times a year that needed watering in at least a quarter inch . But , now that we have a water shortage they apply something that requires no watering . Question , why didn 't we use this stuff all along ? Another question , why is gas always cheaper after I fill up and higher when I am on empty ? I don 't know , but maybe I am the controlling interest in the gas prices . If so , you can all thank me for the current decline in gas prices and I will probablPosted by It has come to me in resent years that we , as humans , are at the mercy of all most everyone and everything we want to do . For a current example , this banking mess and the bail out to go along with it . We , the common folk , have really no choice but to be at the mercy of Washington politics . I don 't know how we can trust them to do the correct thing , because wasn 't it them that got us into this mess in the first place . Of course the Democrats are blaming the Republicans and vise - a verse . How do we know what really went on and how do we trust politicians to get us out of this ? Oh , I firmly believe something has to be done and quickly , but just what I don 't know and I am not sure anyone knows for sure . It seems to be just guess work , hopefully it will be the correct guess . Another example I have come across of just lately , is my cell phone company . When I changed carriers , I didn 't get to pick out a phone I was just given one that the salesman said was a good phone and he had had good luck with it . Being at his mercy , I believed him . Now some 10 months later I realize it is not the phone that I want at all . Was I offered a choice or told of different features at the time , no I wasn 't . Now , I admit , that I told him I wanted a FREE phone and so that is what I got . A free phone with no features I want now . Now I am the mercy of the cell phone company because I can 't change my plan until October 2009 . Oh , I could just bite the bullet and pay $ 200 for a phone like I want , but the fact is this , if my salesman in the first place had been a true salesman he would have pointed out other phones with more features for an additional price . I might add , much less money then $ 200 . So what are we to do to keep us out of being just at the mercy . Well in the case of anything political , the only thing we can do is vote . Again though we are at the mercy of the people running for president and we know they all will say whatever they think we want to hear . Besides , when whoever gets into office then they have to depend on Congress passing Posted by It has been a long time since blogging , but what is a long time ? Also , who decides " long time " ? In my case and in the case of my blogs and especially reading Barbara 's blogs , it is my sister who decides " long Time " . One says " it 's been a long time " since whatever several times in his or her life . But , back to the original question , what is a long time . I think , a long time can be anything from a day to years . It all depends on what has been a long time . If it concerns an old friend , it is usually years . Or , if it concerns something personal , and I want go into just especially what I am thinking of , it could be as little as one or two days . I don 't think a long time could be in the same day , but I have used it in the same day as a small joke . Like when having talked to someone on the phone and then as soon as you hang up you call back and say , " it 's been a long time since I talked to you " and then you go ahead with whatever you forgot . An especially long time for me has been the last time I spoke to my mother or father face to face . Oh , I talk to both of them in my mind and sometimes I think I hear them answer . I talk to Barbara daily , usually several times , but if I miss a day it seems like such a long time I get very lonely just for her voice . It has also been a long time since we have seen her and Reid , they came last may , but it has been two years since we went to see them . That is the first thing we are going to do as soon as I get all healed up from surgery in 2007 . It has been a very long time since I spoke to any of my " childhood " friends . I used to keep in touch with one in particular via Christmas cards , but several years ago they quit sending one to me , so I don 't know what happened . I have come to realize , that those that you are always the one contacting , they really aren 't good friends if they don 't contact you once in a while . Keeping in contact with friends is reserved for girls , I guess . Or maybe I just never was luckily enough to have long distance relationships with someone that cared for me . My sPosted by Here it is the 8th of September and the weather is already fall like . We went straight from being hot to being very cool . I don 't know what to think about how bad winter is going to be . I spent most of last winter in the hospital not having to face all the ice and snow Salina had . This winter we plan to just stay inside when the snow and ice come , no use taking a chance on falling . This brings me to my problem . I already get restless being in the house and just have to get out and do something , even going to Sonic during happy hour will do . What am I going to do when I can 't get out for days on end ? My wife can handle not going anywhere , but I don 't think I can , so I have to find something besides TV and FRED to keep by occupied . Oh , FRED is Fricken Ridiculous Electronic Device IE . computer . I 'm going to try reading , but the book I want , in large print , is not in the library , so I will have to wait for that . I really need to get in more exercise and will try doing more of it . But , I still need to get out among them so to speak once in awhile . Well , I know this has been a short blog , but I needed something to do . If anyone has a suggestion , let me know . Here it is almost the last of August and to say the weather here has been un - August like would be an understatement . We have had the coolest August on record I would imagine , or at least it seems so . The only thing I can figure is it must be global warming . The globe must be so busy making someplace else hotter , it didn 't have enough left over for Salina . In fact last winter was so warm we had record snow and ice , again global warming . Anyway , back to August , it is almost past and school has started again . Seems the older I get the faster the years go by . When I was young and in school , the school year by itself was at least 12 months long and then summer vacation seemed like only two weeks it went so fast . I can remember the first year out of high school , I was working full time and when school was let out for the summer I felt like I had been over looked . It was at that time , and the first time , I wished I had stayed in school . There have been other times with the same wish , but alas I know if anything had been different , I would not be her today writing a blog . So , aren 't all that read this lucky . Now that I am retired , I am happy but do get a little stir crazy on a daily basis . But , I would not have it any other way . Christmas will be in two weeks probably , or so it will seem . So all I have to say to all is have a very Merry Christmas and a happy New Year . As of today August 13th , 2008 we have been married 25 years . I can safely say it has been the best 25 years of my life and for that I thank God and Estella , my wife . We have four wonderful children and thirteen wonderful grandchildren . Seven boys and 6 girls , that range in age from 16 , almost to one and a half . Hopefully , now that we are retired we will get to seem more than in the past . Although they all live no more than four hours away , we still only see most of them two or three times a year . As I look back on the last 25 years , it seems like only yesterday that we were married in a local park at 10 in the morning . Gladly it was 10 and not later as it was extremely hot that day . We spent a week traveling in Nebraska and South Dakota , taking in all the tourist attractions . Crazy Horse , Mount Rushmore in the Black Hills , The Bad Lands , several gold mines , Wind Cave in Hot springs and The Corn Palace in Nebraska and also The Doll House across the street from the Corn Palace . We drove 1600 miles in a little Chevy Vega , we used 16 quarts of oil and had no air conditioning . My best man offered his real nice Impala with AC , but we declined . Stupid move on my part . In Rapid City we went through a wild life park , it was over 100 degrees at the time . As we entered the bear portion , we were told to keep all Windows rolled up . We were doing alright until a bear decided to lay down in the road right in front of the van in front of us . So , there we sat and it got hotter and hotter in the car . Finally , I tried to roll my window down just about 2 inches . From a loud speaker came a booming voice telling the person in the Vega to roll up the window . Luckily , I think that startled the bear and he moved . There was another incident in the Black hills where a mule stuck his head in my window to see if we had anything to feed him , we didn 't so he chewed on the door and scratched it up pretty good . If you want to know about the funniest thing that happened on our trip you will have to ask Estella to tell you , I value my life and knowPosted by To start with , I don 't think my sister is strange . Maybe some strange ideas only because they differ from my own . But to say she is just strange is not true , she is a wonderful sister and I would not trade her for any other . She is prettier , smarter and more talented than me . I have always thought the reason I don 't have any of those good traits is because she came along seven years before me and since God thought my parents would never have any other children , He just went ahead and gave her all the talent and smarts . Then when in fact I did come into the world God had used all the family talent and smarts up , so I was left out . The fact that I never pushed myself to learn is not my fault , it 's hers . I love her so much that I have told her she can 't die until after me , of course she says the same about me . I have complete withdrawal if I don 't talk to her at least once daily . Her only problem is she is so giving of herself , that she can be taken advantage of . I know I am good about giving her advice , but if I were in the same situation , I would do the very same thing . We both learned this from our father and mother , as they couldn 't say no to anyone especially me . There were many times my father should have told me to work it out my self , but he didn 't . I am so thankful I had my parents in my life and am doubly thankful my sister is still around to talk with , even though she finds it better to not follow my advice . Barbara , I love you ! ! ! I haven 't been able to create anything for the last couple of weeks , I think my brain is on vacation . So , I will start putting down stuff and see what comes out . We are getting much needed rain this morning and the temperature is a cool 68 . Our 25th wedding anniversary is coming up on the 13th , it doesn 't seem like that long at all . In fact at times it seems I have not known anyone else all my life , and at other times it feels like it was only yesterday when I first kissed my future wife for the first time . For me it was almost love at first sight , actually we had know and worked together for sometime . I had ask her out two previous times and she had declined as not being ready to date . Finally one day at work one of her co - workers let me know she was ready . I went straight to her office and put my arm around her and told her I needed to talk to her . She wanted to know if it was business or personal . Of course it was personal and she agreed to go to a movie with me . After the movie we went in her hose to talk and finally it was time to leave . Oh yes , I left out the part about her getting cold at the movie and let me put my arm around her to get her warm . Anyway , as I left I kind of grabbed her and pulled her real close and gave her a kiss right on the lips . It was at this exact time I knew she was going to be my wife . For her it took a little longer , but she finally came around and we were married 2 years and 3 months later . We have now , as I stated been married for 25 years and counting the 2 and a half dating years , been together over 27 years . I have told many people , and most can 't believe it , that in all that time we have never had any kind of a fight over anything . Oh , we have had our disagreements over things such as what color was our old couch and other important things like that . Through it all , she has stood by my side and taken care of me for all these 25 years and for that I thank God He sent her to me . When I married her I also got a huge extended family , she is one of ten children . I feel so lucky , Posted by What this is about is why are there " Man Things " ? Well the only thing I can figure out , if it is mechanical or sports related , it is " A Man Thing " . Lets start with the most obvious man thing , the remote control . With all those buttons and choices to make , it is most defiantly a man thing . Now , I don 't have to go into all the sports shows on TV , but they are all man things , just because they are sports . Enough said about that . My next real important man thing to me is my truck . What man doesn 't like driving a truck , if there is one , I don 't know him . Some men don 't have a truck now , but have had at one time in their lives and remember how it felt to drive around in " my truck " . Of course in today 's time there are so many different types of trucks to choose from almost any man can be included in this category . Even a van can be said to be in the truck category . As long as it will haul something , call it a truck . Another man thing with me , and my wife doesn 't understand it , is my truck has to be clean . I can 't stand a dirty truck , even if it is only bugs on the windshield , it has to be clean . Another thing that is most definitely a man thing , and another thing women don 't understand , is how pictures should be hung . There is no way , in any mans opinion , that a picture can be hung with out a level and tape measure . Everything has to be level and square with the wall . A real pet peeve of mine is not knowing where something is when I want it . If you use it put it back where you got it , women really don 't understand this concept , at all . There are many other " Man Things " , think of your own , but y0u get the idea . We , were told by a priest that when you pray , you should always start off by being thankful for all you have before you start praying for what you want or need . We have been doing this and it is amazing when you start thinking of all the things you are thankful for , just how many things there are . We both had a very bad year in 2007 , she with cancer detected in December 2006 and me with surgery and a long stay in rehab from July 27th , 2007 until December 23rd , 2007 . We are so thankful we are both doing so much better . We owe it all to God and all the people that prayed for us , even those we have never met , through our recovery process . My wife has been Cancer free for over a year now and although I am not completely healed up , I am stronger and feel better than I was when I went in for surgery . We are also so thankful for our children , their families and our grand children , all 13 of them . We are also thankful for us being able to live in our home and take care of most things we need done . For those things we are not able to take care of we are thankful for having friends and family that are willing to help out . For the bigger jobs we are thankful that we are able to hire those things done . We are thankful for being together for 25 years this August 13th and plan on at least another 25 . We are thankful for each wonderful day , with or without rain , and if it does rain we are even more thankful . We are also thankful for being able to get around without too much help and do our shopping and driving where we need to go . We are very thankful for good friends and the fun times we have together with them . I am very thankful that I have a sister that I can talk to as often as I want , even though she lives far off . My wife is thankful for her 9 siblings and the fact they live close , for the most part , and she is able to keep in touch . It seems as if we spend way to much time waiting , we wait on the phone to ring , on the rain to start / stop , for the mail to arrive , on the dog to do his duty and come back in , on a loved one to get home safely , in line at any store , for your doctor to to see you , for the dentist to come back after he has deadened your mouth and tongue , for the computer to work faster than a crawl , for a TV show to start and the last one I can think of for now is waiting for the time when you don 't feel like you are going to bed too early . I am sure you can think of others , so add your own if you wish . I have heard that humans spend nearly half their lives waiting on something , don 't know for sure but don 't doubt it . Well , let me tell you , when you are retired you don 't mind waiting so much , it gives you something to do , besides napping in the chair off and on all day . I even look forward to going to the doctors office so I can wait , or the store where I wait while my wife shops , anything to get out of the house . You are probably thinking , boy he needs a life , but I will tell you I have a great life . I am happy and happily married to a wonderful person . We live the simple life as I have commented on before , but this is the way it is . At this time I have run out of anything to say , so I guess I will go find something else to wait on . Have a great day / week . I have not written a blog in several days now , but after reading my sisters current blog , it started me thinking . How fortunate I am that all of our children stay in very good contact with us . I don 't know what I would do if they were " lost from home " . For several years after Barb was married and moved out of the house in Lubbock , we lost contact for several years . I was just at that age where running around with friends meant more than family time together . There was a time when one particular friend and I would join my parents and their friends in playing card games on a Saturday night , that was great fun . Then I got married and my then wife didn 't get along with any of my family , especially Barb . After we moved to Wichita , I didn 't have any real contact with Barb until I got divorced and started taking the kids to visit mom in Lubbock , after my dad had passed away , at least once a year . I wish I could have been closer and visited more often , but I wasn 't and couldn 't . Then my sister and her husband and I moved mother to Tulsa and I became reacquainted with my sister . I don 't know what I would do now without talking to her at least once daily , sometimes more . I have been collecting pictures and information on my family history and have realized how much I miss them all . I have wished in my later years , I would have sat down with my father and taped his remembrances of his childhood . Well , low and behold , my cousin in Amarillo sent me a CD that was taped in 1964 , during my roaming age , of my father and his living family sitting around just talking . Oh how I wish , now , I would have been there for they could sit and talk about old times for hours . When I had to around them I thought those stories were so stupid . Now in retrospect , I see how important they all were . Let us all never forget how important family is and never loose touch with each other . God bless you all . I sent a joke e - mail to my sister and she replied that all men are simple minded . This particular joke was about the difference between men and women , which I thought really hit the nail on the head for the most part . I took it that she especially meant me as compared to all men being simple minded . Well , at first I took offense at the statement , but as I think about it I suppose I am pretty simple minded . Let me explain , first I don 't like any turmoil in my life , simple truly fits the way I live . I don 't have a large house , to most people it is too small , again a simple home . I don 't have to drive a new car every year or two or even every 5 , I drive a vehicle till it won 't drive anymore , my truck is simply my only mode of transportation . My extended family , all the kids and their kids are also pretty simple , honest and hard workers , no criminals just plain simple good American families . I came from just such a family , my father was a very simple man coming from a simple hard working mother and father . His father was a very strict man , that left home a the age of 13 and worked driving cattle . He worked in the Oklahoma Territory punching cattle with the likes of Will Rogers , truly the most simple down to earth of men of our time . My father learned a lot from his father , as I learned from him . Lead a simple life and be an honest hard working citizen . I hope my children have learned this from me , and I believe they have . I married a wonderful yet very simple , honest and family loving lady . She too comes form a very simple down to earth family . So , I guess if you want to call me simple , go ahead and I will take it as a compliment . When I started this thing called blogging , I thought it would be hard coming up with new topics . Well , after the very first blog my mind was swirling with ideas . Now , three days and two blogs later , I can 't think of all those things I had going thru my mind . What happened , where did they go , who took them from me ? I thought maybe if I just started writing about something , this is it , at least one of the many topics would return to my brain . You see , it is my belief that as we get older , we have had so much input that as one gets something new entering your memory bank , something has to leave to make room . Surely , that is what has happened to me . I simply know too much ! ! ! We spent all day Saturday and Sunday doing absolutely NOTHING , but watching TV . Since getting our new high definition television I seem to be doing a lot of watching . I watched almost 100 % of the British Open golf tournament . By this morning , I had to get out of the house . So , as I do too much of the time , I went for breakfast and took it to the park to eat and read the huge Salina newspaper . Well , 10 minutes later that was done and once again nothing to do . We have no place to go or anything to do today . I sure hope the bank statement gets here today ! ! ! I will call our x - neighbor Bud to set up lunch with him for tomorrow . We try to take him out at least once a week , he is getting older and enjoys getting out , just like me . My wife on the other hand would prefer to stay home and read or do her Sudoku puzzles . She also does games and puzzles on the computer . Our very good friend DeAnn is in surgery right now having an operation to constrict how much she eats so that she can loose weight . It is not the lap band surgery but I can 't recall what the name , see more information in , information out . Please pray for her , her doctors and nurses . She should only be in the hospital until Wednesday . If you would like to learn all about what she is having done , there is a link to her blog on my blog . She is very good at explaining things . Also , while talking aPosted by When I was younger and the kids were very young , I worried about how they were going to turn out as adults , are they going to be good parents , then when they were teenagers I had a whole new set of worries , where are they , are they alright and will they get home safe . Of course , some made me worry more than others , just as some came home when they were supposed to and others didn 't . I 'll let them figure out which ones . I can remember one time when my son was 16 , or maybe younger , he got a job as dishwasher at Big Boy . He rode my motorcycle to work each night , well this one night he didn 't come home and it became very late , like 1 AM , and I started thinking of all the things that could have happened . He could have gone somewhere after work and not called , he was to come straight home . He could have had a wreck and was injured and no one had called me . Finally , at 2 AM I went looking , luckily the first place I went was to Big Boy and thru the open back door I could see him slaving away . I was relieved and at the same time upset that they were working a young child that late . I don 't remember what was done about it or how much longer he worked there , but was glad when he didn 't work there anymore . Then there was the time he and a friend were out way past 12 , and they were on foot somewhere . The other boys parents and I were looking all over and when we met back at my place , there they were , innocent as ever so they thought . They soon found out we were not happy . Oh , they had just been at the park talking to girls . Not to pick on my son all the time , the daughters were not innocent all the time either , like the time one of them was celebrating graduation and wrecked her car , at least she had enough sense to call me to help her . Then the one that never came home when she was told , usually not real late but 30 minutes at least except for this one time when she was out with her best friend and after she took her home she stopped by the college because she saw a boy she knew and the time just " got away " from her . When shPosted by Yesterday , Friday , we celebrated one of my longest and dearest friends birthday . Her name is Mary , but she is referred to as " Little Bit " due to her little size . I hope she doesn 't mind but she turned 76 last Saturday . She is truly amazing , not only does she not look 76 , more like 56 , but she refuses to act 76 too . I met her husband Clint or " Tater " in 1966 when I worked for Boeing in Wichita , Kansas , but that is another story . We always , unless someone is sick , get together with this couple and also Paul and Carol on all birthdays , anniversary 's and for any other reason we can think of to play games . Actually , we met at Coyote Canyon in Salina to eat and then all gathered at Paul and Carols for games . First , we played Chicken Foot , a domino game played with double 15 domino 's , which the women won , barely . You see , the men have a theory " let the women win at least sometime or they won 't play with us any more " . The next game was Canasta and the men won handily , it wasn 't even close . Then we ate again and finally finished the day off with a game of Call Your Partner Pitch . We also won that with an even larger , bigger , astounding scoring difference . All though some of the games we play are individually scored , we always have to add the men vs women scores together to see which is the overall winner . Of course , it is usually the men . Hey it 's my blog and I 'll tell it like I want to . A great time was had by all . To everyone reading this , I hope you have a wonderful and safe day . I love mornings , not to get up and get going in a hurry , but to just be up and take my time getting around . I worked for 22 years for Sears and had to be up and to work by 7 : 30 or 8 at the latest . Sometime , if I had to open the store it was even earlier . Then , I retired and didn 't do anything but play golf and do odd , part time , jobs for a year . That was really great , at the time . Finally after a year off , I went back to work as a police dispatcher working mostly the 2 : 30 to 10 : 30 shift . That is when I discovered how much I enjoyed not having to rush around to go somewhere . Now that I am retired again , and for good this time , I really enjoy just doing what I want when I want . The only problem with retirement that I have discovered is that you get no days off or paid holidays . It seem as if we are always busy going here or there and doing this and that . So busy in fact that I don 't have time to read my sisters blog daily , which she writes in almost every day and can 't believe I don 't read daily . I doubt I will be as good at keeping up with blogging as she is , but I will try . Well , I was talking about mornings . I have a set certain routine in the mornings , first I get dressed , do some stretching exercises , then I leave my wife sleeping and go to our " office " where I check e - mail and take care of whatever bills need to be taken care of . I just love busy work and even look forward to balancing the checkbook once a month . If it rains overnight I empty the rain gauge that is right outside my window and record the rain on our computer calender . Last night we had 1 . 61 inches , which is more rain than we have had since June 11 when we had 1 . 5 inches . After the e - mail , banking and any other task in the office I go to the living room and change the date or our daily calender bird , one of those perpetual things , and then bring in the paper , fix something to eat and start my day . On some days , if it is real cool out , I will go get something for breakfast and sit in the park in my truck and eat and read the paper . My day is offPosted by |
Today was a super tiring day , but in the end , it was all good ! Mark had his profusion MRI this morning at Baylor North Park . He did fine with it since he had taken some medication to calm his nerves . Once he went back , the tears fell for me , but my mom was with me and comforted me and then I was much better . I don 't know really how to describe the emotions I was having at that point . I know that when Mark was filling out the paperwork and it asked why he was having this scan , he wrote , " Routine for brain cancer " . It just seemed weird . Almost like a dream or something . I have known for over 6 months that Mark has brain cancer , but sometimes it still sounds so crazy to hear that . So I did a real quick , " How could this happen to Mark ? Why did it happen to him ? How can he have brain cancer when he has not been really sick before ? Why BRAIN cancer instead of some other cancer ? " Then I was ready to just think as positive as I could , pray , and wait . I spent the hour that Mark was doing the scan cleaning out my purse , talking to my mom and showing her apps on my phone that I think she would like for her new iTouch . Mark looked good when he came out . He was a little loopy and tripped a little on things along the way , but overall he was feeling pretty good . We decided to go to North Park mall across the street for lunch . We all ate in the food court and visited a little . Then we decided to go ahead and go to Baylor Dallas to wait for Mark 's appointment time . We didn 't think to bring previous scans with us , so we dropped off the one he just had done with the office and told them we didn 't bring the last ones . They had to do some work to do a comparison without us taking those . ( We promised to never forget past scans again ) . We went to a lounge area in the hospital and Mark kind of snoozed off and on while my mom and I worked on individual things we had brought with us . Then it was time to go to the doctor 's office . The exam part of the appointment went just fine and Mark answered the questions correctly anPosted by This is a special request for prayer . We need peace in our hearts ! We are enjoying this time preparing for Christmas as much as possible , but we have Mark 's next MRI looming above us . I would like to ask everybody to pray for peace for our family . As a special request , I would like to ask as many people as possible to leave a comment to this post . It would be especially great if you could post your prayer for Mark to read . Even if you don 't post a prayer , could you please post the words " I commit " ? It is a commitment to pray for Mark on December 28th . That is the day he will have his profusion MRI . That will tell us if there is any new tumor growth or regrowth . What they find will determine if there will be any change in his treatment plan . If a new tumor or regrowth is found , Mark would probably need to have another brain surgery . Also , if there is new growth while he is on Chemo , it could dramatically shorten the amount of time he has here on earth with us . So I certainly ask that you please pray for good results , specifically , a clear MRI . Mostly , please pray for peace . Mark is nervous . He will be taking Ativan before the scan to calm him , but I will be driving , so I can 't take anything like that and I tend to get really worked up about things . So , for a Christmas present for both of us , I would like to see a ton of comments with people committing to have us in their thoughts and prayers on the 28th . I don 't like to ask for things , but I always ask for prayer . I wouldn 't normally ask for a visual confirmation in the form of a comment to a blog post , but I know this would be an amazing gift to Mark . I would love to open the blog on Christmas morning and find that hundreds of people are praying for Mark and our family . So , if you could , please pass along the link to our blog to everybody you know and ask them to do the same . We know that prayer works . If you are reading this because a friend sent you to this site , I want to say a special thank you for praying for our family . Even if you don 't knoPosted by Mark sent me a message the other day telling me that he really doesn 't need any material things for Christmas ( he is getting some , though ! ) . He said he has been thinking a lot lately about the things he would really like to experience before he dies . He did ask family to just give him money this year instead of other gifts because he wants to be able to travel some places with me . I know a lot of people have several things they would like to experience / accomplish in their life time . Mark has always had a list of things , but he has realized now how short life can really be . I attended a service last week for a lady in Plano who had Glioblastoma . I know that made me really think a lot more about life and how quickly we can leave here and I guess it has done the same for Mark . Anyway , Mark sent in his message 4 things he would really like to do before he is called home . Here is what he sent : 1 ) Meet George W . Bush2 ) Meet Dr . James Dobson3 ) Go on a ride - along in a cop car4 ) Meet / ride along with a specific lady we see on the show " Police Women of Dallas " He sent the list to his parents as well . I guess that his mom had the same sense of urgency to make these things happen that I did . Without talking to each other , we each went right to work . : ) Mark 's mom has written a letter to President Bush to see if it would be possible for Mark to meet him . She has a mutual friend with him and also has some personal ties to his wife because she is from Midland and went to the same school , a year ahead , of Laura . That would just be so amazing for it to work out , so I 'm going to pray extra hard for that one ! I called a lady that follows my blog who is with Focus on the Family . Although Dr . Dobson is no longer with Focus , she is working there to see if she can help me get something worked out so that Mark can meet him . A friend of mine said she knows somebody that could probably set us up with a ride along with a police officer . I 'm not sure how to begin with the 4th request . Do any of you happen to know Sergeant Tracy JonPosted by I am so very excited about tonight ! Mark made plans for his parents to come watch the boys and he made reservations at a restaurant ! It 's been a long time since we had a date ! I told the boys about it when I picked them up from school and Colin said , " Mommy you are going to need to look beautiful ! " I told him I bought a new top today for me to wear and he said , " A beautiful one ? " He can be so cute ! Speaking of dates … I think I 'm gonna have to watch out for Carter . I saw a little girl talking to him after school and when it was time for the teacher to walk him to the car , she gave him a big hug and a kiss on the head ! When the teacher got to the car , she was just giddy with the sweetness of what she just saw . I said , " Is that Victoria that just kissed him ? " She said it was . I thought it was because one day I found a " love note " in Carter 's backpack . I asked him who gave it to him . He said , " Victoria . She always loves me ! " So cute ! I talked to the school counselor today to see if I could get some information from her and see if she could kind observe the boys for me and see if she could let me know if / when she feels like they may need some help dealing with everything going on . She told me that she was already aware of our situation because of their wonderful teachers and the awesome principal of the school . She has talked to them some and she told me that there were a few days when Carter was having a hard time at P . E . He stayed with her during that time and drew pictures and told her about his daddy being sick . I wasn 't aware of any of this until now , but I am so thankful that he has such amazing people looking out for him while he is at school . Also , the counselor gave me some information about a lady in Frisco that has been in my situation . Her husband passed away from brain cancer and she has young children as well . I am looking forward to getting in contact with her and having a chance to visit with her . Back to Mark … He is doing GREAT right now ! ! He went in to work each day thiPosted by I think my New Year 's resolution this year will be to keep this blog updated ! I am so sorry that I 've been terrible about it . I will be having more time now , so it should be much easier for me to keep my promise of trying to write each day . I know I owe you all a lot of information . I think I may try to look back and tell you all about things that have happened in the past , but for now I just want to write about the present … I can 't really say what Mark 's true feelings are , but he seems to be handling everything well right now . He has been my rock lately . The problem is that I want to be HIS rock . I want him to get to lean on me and depend on me to help him , but he has been the one to comfort me lately . This blog is supposed to be about honest feelings . I know I have mentioned in the past that I worry sometimes about telling people what I really feel , because I was afraid of people thinking that my faith is wavering . I can tell you right now that I trust God 100 % ! Now , for the really honest , raw details . I have started seeing a counselor . She is an amazing Christian lady who actually specializes in working with family members of people with brain injuries . Be it cancer or some sort of trauma . This counselor was recommended to me by a person that I admire and love very much who has been going through the pain of having a husband with brain cancer for many years now . I know that has been difficult for her , but in some ways I am really jealous that she has had that time with her husband because I know we should not expect that much time with the type of cancer that Mark has . Anyway , this counselor has taught me that I do not need to fear for a second that my faith is wavering just because I am thinking about reality and trying to prepare for that . I know that God can see the big picture , when I can only see a tiny bit of it here . I know , without a single doubt , that He will allow to happen whatever is absolutely best . If God gives us the miracle we pray so hard for ( complete healing ) or the miracle of more tPosted by I sent this mail to people at work and thought I 'd post here and help Becky out some . : ) I 've been asked multiple times for an update on what 's going on with me . I was waiting until my next MRI to send out email . I went in for the MRI on Monday and met with the oncologist yesterday . Overall , it was a good visit . They 're going to start weaning me off the anti - seizure medicine slowly ( ~ 1 pill every office visit which is every 4 weeks ) since I haven 't had any episodes since before my surgery in March ( > 6 months ) . I 'm taking 8 per day now just for anti - seizure . They can 't take me completely off them , so I figure we 'll try to at least get me off the Keppra and then I 'd just take 2 per day . That 's what I 'm shooting for anyway : ) . I get an MRI every 8 weeks . There are 2 main things that they look for in the MRI - the area around where they took out the tumor ( it 's just a cavity and won 't ever fill in ) and any additional activity in my brain down to my shoulders ( including my upper spine ) . The area around the tumor is healing nicely and the dye they put in gives an accurate picture of what 's going on around the tumor location . 3 MRI 's ago it was lit up pretty bright and they said that was probably scar tissue , blood , etc . Last MRI it was shrinking some , so it was healing . This MRI is was almost completely gone . This was an indication to the doctor that the chemo is working , which is good . Prior to this MRI they gave me a CD so the doctor could look at images on the CD . My doctor requested last time that for my next MRI , I get the actual films . So I asked for those this time and that 's what they looked at . The second part of the MRI that they look at shows any lit up areas outside the tumor area . Glioblastoma can frequently come back in other locations - even your spine . There was one location that the radiologist thought " changed " . Now , they 're kind of comparing apples to oranges because the films show more detail than the CD images . This lit up area was on my last MRI as well , but looPosted by I 'm so thankful to have this blog to share information with everybody , but I 'm so bad about keeping it updated ! I have good intentions , but as you can tell , I 've had a problem following through on those intentions . Anyway , I do want to give an update now since Mark is on a new treatment plan . This is how it all started … We were so excited that Mark was picked to take all three medications in the clinical trial as well as the chemo . He was taking 300mg of the chemo for 7 days on and 7 days off . He was also taking Thalidomide , Accutane , and Celebrex . Mark was having a lot of trouble with the medication . He could not function . He was falling asleep in his chair while he was working at the computer . He felt miserable all day every day . He had a very hard time waking up in the mornings and just could not enjoy anything . We figured it was the Thalidomide making him feel like that , so we got permission for him to stop taking it for a couple of weeks and see if that made a difference . It did . He felt so much better after that got out of his system . The Accutane was making his skin very sensitive . He couldn 't be in the sun and his face was peeling very badly . I had to do a lot of facial treatments on him and lather his face with a very thick lotion . Then his arms started peeling too . We started seeing commercials for lawsuits being filed against Accutane because of all of the stomach problems it was causing in people who took it . Those people just took a regular dose . Mark was taking more than twice the " normal " amount . Because the thalidomide can cause blood clots , he had to take Coumadin also . That made him feel really cold and he bled easily and profusely . That caused a little trouble when he had to go get his blood checked every 2 weeks . A couple of weeks ago Mark got really sick to his stomach . We didn 't know for sure what was causing that because both the Accutane and Celebrex can cause stomach issues as a side effect . We were thinking it was probably the Accutane since it is known to cause severPosted by We just got home from a fun night at some friends house . They had a cookout with a bunch of people and all the kids played and the adults visited . I made a new friend too . She and I had a nice talk and found things we have in common and found out that one of her kids and one of mine are in the same grade at the same school ! She is really sweet and I got her information so that we can have some playdates in the near future . We were able to see the big Frisco fireworks show from their backyard . It was good to see and the kids had a BLAST running around with glowsticks and seeing the fireworks going off . It was just a really good night . We had another blessing yesterday when we got a call from the research nurse at MD Anderson telling us that everything was approved for Mark to start the clinical trial . Since it is a randomized study , they put his name in a computer and then it tells them which combination of medications he will take . He was picked to take all 4 ! My feeling is that it gives him the absolute best chance to eradicate that tumor ! : ) We do not have all of the details yet of how much of each medication or how often he will take them , but we are expecting to get that and for him to start on it next week . We do know that he will be taking the increased dose of Temodar ( Chemo ) for 7 days on and 7 days off for a year . In addition to that , he will take Accutane , Celebrex , and Thalidomide . We are pretty excited for him to start this trial . In other news , Colin has been asking a lot of questions about God . He had a real struggle for a while after Mark was diagnosed . While we had to be away from home for 6 weeks , he really had a hard time dealing with his emotions and started questioning God . Since we have been back , he has gotten much better about that . He started praying again with no hesitation and started talking about how much he loves God . He tells us a lot that he loves us more than anything , except God . He says , " I love God more than you guys " : ) It 's very sweet . Since he started asking more questiPosted by We are leaving Houston now after a LONG day of waiting ! I am attempting to do this update on my iPhone while we are on the road . ( Don 't worry , I 'm not the one driving ) . Mark had his blood drawn and had an MRI last night . Before his MRI , we got to see a friend that we made last time we were here . She had surgery the other day , so she was here for that from Ohio . It was good to get to see her again . Mark 's MRI was scheduled for 9 last night , so we were at the hospital pretty late . While Mark was getting scanned , his dad and I sat in the waiting area . I try so hard to " keep the faith " , but sometimes it 's just really difficult . I had so many " what ifs " running through my mind and I was feeling scared and lonely . I couldn 't keep the tears from falling . Since it was late , they were closing up the front waiting area and moved us to the back . I sat next to a man who told me that he had visited with Mark back there before his scan . This man 's wife also has Glioblastoma . It was good to talk to somebody in the exact same situation as me at the exact same time as me . God always provides what we need - that 's a huge blessing ! This morning we met another friend ( I posted about her before - she and her husband live in Frisco and she is at MDA for radiation treatment now ) and her sweet mom for breakfast . We had a good visit with more tears and laughter mixed in . We talked about how we are so grateful for God 's love and grace that even if our miracle on earth is not provided , there is a much better place awaiting Mark . I have been really struggling with the reality of this cancer lately . I want to be prepared in case my desire for Mark to live is not God 's will , but I want to remain faithful and full of hope and peace . After breakfast we went to the hospital to wait for Mark 's appointment time . There was some problem with the computer system , which caused Mark 's doctor to run a couple of hours behind . It was a lot of waiting we did today . We finally were called back and we met with several different doctors . We were not able to seePosted by I 'm sorry it has been such a long time since I posted . I 'll try to keep this one relatively short for trying to fit so many days worth of information in it . : ) Anyway , we have been back from Houston for a couple of weeks now . After we were back home for about a week , Mark got a sore throat and felt that he should go to the doctor and get it checked . I took him to the freestanding ER / Urgent Care place near our house . They couldn 't do anything for his sore throat , but they wanted to check his blood since he had just finished Chemo about a week before then . They said that the machine got an error message , so they took his blood again . The machine still couldn 't read the results because his white blood cell count was so low . He also had a little bit of a fever , so they gave him a bag of antibiotics and sent him to the hospital . As soon as we got to the ER , the triage nurse called Mark back and put a mask on him for his protection . Mark 's mom was with us ( I couldn 't drive that far to the hospital because I had just had my back surgery ) and they made her and me wear a mask too . We were in the little room in the ER for several hours . They gave Mark more IV antibiotics and some Tylenol for his fever as they waited for a room to be prepared for him on the oncology floor . They took his blood again and found that his white blood cell count was 0 . They weren 't sure exactly what kind of infection he had that was causing his sore throat and fever , but they were very cautious because it could have killed him . It seems so weird that he was so close to death just from a little cold or something ! He had to stay in the hospital all week . ( Monday through Saturday ) They continued to give him IV antibiotics , but his fever was not coming down . Then , he got several fever blisters on his mouth , so they started giving him an antiviral medication 5 times a day . That made his fever finally come down . They still gave him antibiotics in an IV several times a day in addition to the antiviral pill 5 times a day and a shot in his sPosted by Today was an amazing day ! We were able to be used by God to help to bless somebody else today and it was wonderful ! It feels so good to know that God wanted to use us to give a little encouragement to a family that needed it . We have been blessed beyond belief these last couple of months , and we know that God can use any situation for good . Here is how it happened … We got an email this morning about a couple that attend our church who are in Houston right now for the wife to undergo brain surgery to remove a tumor in her left frontal lobe . This is the exact place that Mark had his tumor . The person in the email asked us to pray for this family , but Mark and I both immediately felt the Holy Spirit telling us that we needed to go see this family and talk to them to give them some encouragement and let them know that we are praying for them . Mark had radiation treatment this morning and then had to go have his blood taken for labwork . When that was finished , we found out where the surgery waiting room was , asked where we could find the family , and approached them . Looking at this group of people waiting anxiously while their wife / daughter / sister / daughter - in - law / friend was having brain surgery brought back so many memories of waiting while Mark was in surgery a couple of months ago . We introduced ourselves and told them our story . Mark showed them his scar and talked to them about how he felt after his surgery . The doctors have already determined that her tumor is malignant and they are planning for her to do chemo and radiation , so Mark also told them about his experience with treatment so far . We told them that we will continue to pray for them and asked if we could go see her when she is recovered enough . We were able to answer a few questions for them based on our experience , and traded information . Mark and I are looking forward to keeping in contact with this sweet family and getting to know them even better . They keep a blog also , and Mark checked it this afternoon and found that they posted about our visit aPosted by Today was a pretty good day . We dealt with a lot of emotions , but overall it was just a pleasant day . Mark and I had to discuss all of the things that need to be taken care of in case God does not provide our miracle and that is so very hard for us . There were a lot of tears from both of us . I have this crazy feeling ( I know that it 's not true , but I can 't help but think it ) that God will think I don 't trust Him to provide a miracle to save Mark if we are talking about the future as if the miracle is not delivered . Once we finished that discussion , I prayed , prayed , and prayed and started feeling some peace again . We went to dinner tonight with a lady that we met here . She is staying in the same apartments as us and has radiation at the same time as Mark , so we ride the shuttle together a lot . We wanted a chance to talk to her some more , so we invited her to supper . We had a GREAT time with her . She is so nice and we really enjoy being with her . I met a lady today that Mark met the week I was not here and her little 4 year old son rode in the shuttle with us today . I got to sit next to him . His name is Ray - Ray , and he is so cute ! I loved talking to him during the ride . He just made me smile . I also edited a video today of the boys spinning in a chair here in our apartment when they were here last weekend . I laughed over and over today watching it . Talk about lifting my spirits ! I am also reading a book that is really impacting me . It is called " When God and Cancer Meet " It is so encouraging and I feel like God is using it to make me feel better . I read parts of it to Mark and it has been reassuring to him also . So that 's it for now . I just wanted to post about all of those blessings from today and say that we appreciate all of the prayers and ask that you please continue to pray . Thank you ! Mark is almost done with treatment here ! Just 2 more weeks of radiation . Then we get to go home ! ! Mark will have 4 weeks off from chemo , and then he will start it again and continue taking it for a year and 6 weeks . He will also start on one of the clinical trials after we get back home . We praise God for how well Mark is doing with his treatment . His scar from surgery is healing up nicely . Radiation is causing him to get a little pink ( like a sunburn ) , and to lose his hair in the areas where the beams go through his head . ( I 've got a picture , but Mark won 't let me post it ) We have some good laughs about his hair . He is so silly . He will walk around with his head tilted and say he 's trying to make his head feel even since his hair is so lopsided now . : ) He has been getting really tired lately . That is caused from the radiation also . He has to rest a lot and needs to take naps pretty much every day . For about a week , he lost his sense of taste . Unless it was something really spicy , he just couldn 't taste any flavor at all . That is getting better now . He has had NO sickness from the chemo . He takes an anti - nausea medication about 30 minutes before he takes his chemo and then he goes straight to bed after taking the chemo pills . This has worked great for him since he hasn 't even felt a little sick to his stomach . That 's the thing that most people are amazed about . On Mondays , Mark gets his blood drawn . We don 't know what all of the numbers mean when we look at the results on his online page , but we know they are okay since they haven 't called him to change anything with his treatment . He sees the Radiology doctor every Tuesday . This appointment usually lasts about 3 minutes . They just look at the sheet that Mark fills out and see that he answers " no " to just about every symptom , and the doctor looks at him , asks if he has any questions , and then we are on our way . Very simple ! I am doing okay with the medicine I am on now for my sciatic pain . It sometimes makes me a little sleepy , but at least it Posted by Mark completed week 2 of treatment ! Now just 4 weeks to go ! It is Saturday and we are waiting for Mark 's parents and our boys to get here . We are very anxious to see all of them . Colin does not have school on Monday , so they will get to stay an extra day this time . I will be driving back to Frisco with Mark 's mom and the boys and Mark 's dad will stay here with Mark . Then , I will come back with Mark 's mom and the boys the next weekend , and Mark 's dad will go back home and I will stay with Mark for the remaining 3 weeks . It has been a HUGE blessing to have family close by to help out . We know it was all in God 's plan for us to move back to Texas and for Mark 's parents to move closer to us . We had no idea any of this would be happening with Mark , but we don 't know how we could have done this without Mark 's parents and without my Mom to help us by taking care of the boys while we are here for Mark 's treatment . We have met some more really nice people here in Houston . The good thing about doing the treatment here is that there is an instant kinship with each person in the waiting room . Most people do their treatments around the same time each day , so we get to know each other as we visit a little 5 days a week . We met a sweet woman and a nice man that do radiation the same time as Mark that each have Glioblastoma like Mark . We ride the shuttle each day with a very nice lady who has Sarcoma and has been battling it for a couple of years . It is just so nice to know that there are people we can talk to that completely understand what we are experiencing . MD Anderson is a wonderful place and I am so thankful Mark wanted to get treated here . Mark really likes the technicians that do his radiation treatment . They are so nice and make him feel comfortable . They let me go back to see the room and watch Mark get set up for his treatment . They showed me how the mask works to " bolt him down " to the table , how they use lasers to line him up , how the table moves , and the radiation machine rotates to radiatePosted by Hello ! There is not much to blog about today , but I wanted to keep everybody updated . Mark is still doing great with Chemo and radiation . He has not had any side effects from the chemo still and he is getting tired from the radiation , but we can continue to deal with that . Mark really likes his radiation technicians , and they are going to let me go back tomorrow to show me the machine and show me Mark 's mask he has to wear and explain how it works . That will be interesting ! We have been receiving many cards and packages and we want to say thank you so much to everybody for those . You will never know how much that means to us . What a blessing ! I posted this on facebook tonight , and I just wanted to be sure to include it in the blog as well . . . As we are dealing with Mark 's brain cancer and now having to be away from our home and our boys during his treatment , I find it easy to get discouraged . I try to keep my focus on Christ , and He helps me stay focused on Him . I have been reminded of His love for me through all the sweet notes of encouragement from family and friends , all the prayers spoken for our family , all of the blessings received via meals , phone calls , etc . A major way that God has spoken to me is through songs . It seems like everytime I really needed an answer from Him , I would get in the car and a song would be playing that comforted me , answered a question , or made my heart swell with joy . I just wanted to copy the lyrics to a couple of those special songs so that I can look at them anytime I need to and also for others who might benefit from these words . ( I am thinking especially of my sweet friend , Kami , right now as her husband is also fighting for his life ) " Healing Hand Of God " I have seen the many faces , I fear in the pain . I have watched the tears fall plenty , From heart ache and strength . So if life 's journey , Has you weary and afraid . There 's rest in the shadow of his wings . I have walked through the valleys , The mountains and plains . I have held the hand of freedom , It washes all my stains . If you feel the weight of many trials , And burdens from this world . There 's freedom in the shelter of the Lord . I have seen , The healing hand of God , Reaching out and mending broken hearts . Taste and see the fullness of His peace , And hold on to what 's being held out . The healing hand of God . I have touched the scars upon His hands , To see if they were real . He has walked the road before me , He knows just how I feel . When you feel there is not anyone , Who understands your pain , Just remember all of Jesus ' suffering . Cast all your cares on Him , For He cares for you . He 's near to the broken and confused . By His stripes , Our spirit is renewed . So ePosted by There is not too much to post about this time . Things are going really well here in Houston . We have gotten into our routine here . I told Mark is feels like we are newlyweds again - living in an apartment and no kids . We have been so blessed with people brining us meals that I 'm really missing that now that we are here in Houston . I 've been making good use of our full kitchen in our furnished apartment . We did receive several gift cards for eating out , so we just rotate between using those and going to the grocery store and buying food for me to cook here . It 's working out really good . Mark is still doing great with his treatments . He gets pretty tired and needs to rest a lot , but other than that , he 's not having any side effects . He still has his hair and he has not been sick to his stomach or anything . That 's a wonderful blessing ! He had blood work done this morning , but we don 't know the results of that yet . I 'm not sure that we will be told unless there is a problem with it , and then they would need to add or change some things . We got to see our boys over the weekend . That was great ! We took them to the Children 's Museum here . We had a good time there and just loved spending time with them . We picked up supper and rented a movie that evening . The next morning we had breakfast with them before they headed back to Frisco with Mark 's mom and his brother , John . Mark 's parents said things went pretty good during the week that they were keeping them at our house . My mom is taking care of them this week . Carter does cry because he misses us , but I think it will get better as he gets used to us not being there . Colin is struggling with his faith right now . It 's hard for adults to understand why such bad things can happen to such a wonderful man , so just imagine how a 6 year old gets frustrated with not understanding it . We will just continue to pray for Colin during this time while we are praying for a miracle for his daddy . I believe that is all that I needed to post about this time . Posted by We met a really nice family in the radiation waiting room this week . Their adult son has cancer and today was his last day of radiation . At MD Anderson , when you finish treatment , you get to ring a bell and people clap and cheer for you . We went early this morning so that we could watch Brian ring the bell . It was so neat to get to be with this special family to help them celebrate this accomplishment . Brian will be having a major surgery in the middle of June that is expected to be 12 hours long with 5 surgeons . Please pray for this family as you are praying for Mark also . My last post was more of an update than anything , so I just wanted to do another quick post to be sure to express our recent blessings . We found out that our housing expenses will not be covered , but we are being blessed by friends doing a fund raiser for us . www . hurtingheartsministries . com It is so amazing to me that people are willing to help us out in this way , and they will never know how much it is appreciated ! Also , Mark 's treatment is very expensive . We got the bill from just the hospital part of his surgery and it was $ 56 , 000 ! His chemo pills for 1 month cost over $ 12 , 000 ! So , I cannot express our thankfulness and how blessed we feel for our WONDERFUL medical insurance ! God has certainly looked out for us in the area . Although we have to pay for it , the place we are renting is excellent for us . We have a full size kitchen so we have been able to prepare most meals here which cuts down on costs of food tremendously . The lady in charge of these apartments , Wendy , is so very nice . She drives us to the hospital each day and picks us up when we are finished with Mark 's treatment . That way we don 't have to pay for parking and it is so convenient ! We are close to places where we can rent movies so we have some restful entertainment each day . We are very blessed with how well Mark is handling treatment ! He is a little tired from Radiation treatments and his head hurts a little bit , but other than that he feels fine . He has not been sick Posted by I 'm sorry it 's been a few days since my last update . We 've had quite a whirlwind last few days ! We drove to Houston last Monday night for Mark 's appointment on Tuesday morning at MD Anderson . We spent HOURS at the hospital meeting with many different doctors . Mark decided that he for sure wanted to do treatment with them , so we got things set for that . He did his simulation with the radiation team so that he would be all ready to start today . They wanted Mark to keep his appointments he had that Wednesday , so we drove home last Tuesday night after he finished everything at the hospital . We went to his appointment with his local Neuro - Oncologist Wednesday morning . We really liked her . She showed us his post - op MRI and that there were a couple of places " lit up " on it . She said they could possibly be tumors , so she felt like it would be important for Mark to get another MRI before treatment started . She knows Mark 's radiation Dr . at MD Anderson really well , so she called her . We got a call about an hour later from a nurse at MDA telling Mark that he needed to go there right away for an MRI . His dad offered to drive him there because I could not miss the doctor 's appointment I had scheduled the next day with my Neurosurgeon . So , I called to cancel the appointment he had that afternoon with the neurologist and he headed back to Houston for the 2nd time in 2 days . He had his MRI that night and then came back the next morning . We still haven 't gotten the results from that scan . He has an appointment each Tuesday , so we will hopefully find out this morning about that when he meets with her . We are now in Houston and getting settled into our temporary apartment . It 's pretty nice and very close to the hospital and several food places . There is a shuttle from here that we can take to and from the hospital . That will help us to avoid any parking fees . In other news , I did have my appointment with my neurosurgeon last week . He says I NEED to have surgery on my back right away . He asked me about having surgPosted by We got an appointment for Mark at MD Anderson this coming Tuesday ! We will be leaving on Monday so that we can be there for an 8 : 30 appointment Tuesday morning . Mark is so excited ! This is the most hopeful I have seen him since his diagnosis , so it is very exciting for me as well . Mark is supposed to be getting his stitches out on Tuesday , so I will have to change that appointment . We are keeping his appointments here on Wednesday with the neuro - oncologist and his neurologist , so we will have to come back Tuesday evening . Then we will make our decision about what to do once we have all of the information we need . Mark has really decided that if MDA will accept him , he wants to do his treatment there instead of here . There would be a lot of benefits to doing that even if it was the same treatment plan as here . Although it would be really hard for us to be away from the boys for so long , it would probably be safer for Mark to be away from them . For example , the boys both have a virus right now , and during Chemo that would be dangerous for Mark . Mark 's parents have offered to take care of the boys while we are gone if we end up going to Houston for an extended amount of time . They said they would bring the boys to us on the weekends , which is just so incredibly nice ! I can 't wait until Tuesday to find out for sure what we will be doing so that we can get all of the plans in order for that trip . We have read many encouraging things about what MDA offers for cancer paitents . We want to try the best of everything and have no regrets even if it means we have to make some financial and emotional sacrifices . I talked to my doctor about my back and he wants me to have the surgery right away , but if we go to Houston , that will just not be at all possible for right now . I really don 't want to have the surgery until Mark is recovered from his treatment anyway , so I have to see if I can get him to work with me on pain management until then . I had my last day at CLC so that I can be with Mark for all of his treatment . I am reallPosted by I will update later to add more details , but for now , I just wanted to let everybody know that we got a call from the doctor yesterday about the pathology results and it is brain cancer . It is glioblastoma and Mark will be starting Chemo and Radiation Therapy soon . He has an appointment with a neuro - oncologist next week to find out more information and get started with the treatments . It 's pretty good to be back home . : ) There are a couple more challenges with being home than being at the hospital , but it is much more comfortable for sure ! Mark isn 't ready to sleep in our bed just yet , so he slept in the recliner in the living room and I slept on the couch next to him so that I could help with anything he needed during the night . We will probably keep this arrangement for the next couple of days . Colin is at school today and Carter is home with us . I have to work on getting some things done today . One thing is to make a calendar for all of Mark 's medications . He has to take his pain meds , a steroid , 2 anti - seizure meds , a special mouth wash , and occasionally an anti - anxiety med . The boys are happy to have their daddy home , but it is a little difficult for them too . Mark cannot handle noise or too much movement around him , so it makes it hard for the boys to be boys . They really try to be on their best behavior . They have said some more things that are pretty funny . One thing is that when they went to the hospital , they came in the room and saw Mark with the bandage on his head . Colin seemed a little uneasy about that , so he backed up to me and said , " Mommy , did they cut Daddy 's head off ? " Yesterday , when my friend Lisa brought Carter home from CLC , she reminded him to be quiet when he got inside . He said to her , " That 's ok . We can be wild now because Daddy got that thing out of his head . " This is just so hard to make an almost 5 year old understand ! We were blessed with a few more sweet friends coming to visit us at the hospital . Since it was so far away , we were not expecting to get visitors , so we were amazed at the number of people that came to show their love . It was very nice ! There was a moment yesterday after we got home , that things were difficult for us . Mark was trying to tell me something , but he just couldn 't communicate it to me . He has some struggles with his thinking now , which we know will get better over time , but it makes him very frustrated that he can 't tPosted by This may be a somewhat long post again because it 's been a while since I had a chance to update , so I apologize in advance . So , we have had some ups and downs the last few days . Mark did not have any more seizures , but he was having a little more trouble with the right side of his body . Also , his nerves were really out of control for a couple of days . He was super irritable and worried about his surgery coming up . Thankfully we made it past those days . One blessing I wanted to share is the one from last Thursday . At CLC , I was surrounded by a small group of AMAZING women who prayed over me . Hearing them talk to God about Mark just touched my heart . It was very emotional . On Sunday , there was another group of women who came to help me do some gardening . They planted all of our flowers and some trees and bushes and now our yard just look great with all of the colors and life . That was a very nice blessing . The surgery was yesterday , and it was a LONG day . It was tiring , emotional , and full of blessings ! Mark and I got to the hospital early , so we were able to meet his Aunt and Uncle who had driven from Midland to be here for us . Then , my dad came to the hospital , so we got to spend some time with him as well . Mark went for his MRI and then people started showing up to wait with me during the surgery . One friend brought lunch for everybody . It was so nice of her to do that ! So , we had Mark 's aunt and uncle , mom and dad . My mom and stepdad were here , my friend Kim , who brought the lunches , and my friend Regan . My mom and John 's pastor came by to visit . We were blessed with a visit from Neal Jeffrey , who had a nice prayer with us also . Mark 's surgery was delayed , so we had a very long wait before he went in . He did finally go into the operating room at about 2 : 15 . His surgery lasted about 6 hours . During the surgery , we had more people come visit . A deacon from the church , Michelle Pinkston from CLC , Luann Ivy from the children 's ministry , and another family member , Jackie Durrett came . I am completely amazed Posted by Today was a better day for Mark . No seizures ! That 's a BLESSING ! He is really sore from his seizure yesterday , but he had a good time with his dad today . I called his neurosurgeon to let him know about the problems Mark has been having with the right side of his body and they started him on steroids . The PA said that if he has some swelling , it could be causing more problems with that side of his body , so the new meds will shrink things down and hopefully make it a little better . I went to the doctor today and he is going to do another procedure on my back on Friday . He will do a Selective Nerve Root Block , so I will hopefully get a little more relief after that . He is aware of the situation with Mark and is so nice to rush things along and really try to make me feel better so that I can take care of him . He said if I still have pain after this procedure , he wants me to do the surgery after Mark recovers . He wrote me a prescription for my strong pain meds , so I will be able to function for the next month on that . We were blessed with 2 meals today . We enjoyed one tonight and put the other in the refrigerator for tomorrow night . It has been sooooooo nice to not have to worry about preparing supper at all for the last couple of weeks . I cannot express my gratitude to all of the people that have helped us with meals . I want to ask for prayers for a friend of mine also . I found out today that they lost their baby . She went in for her 12 week appointment and they couldn 't find a heartbeat and then she had surgery ( D & C ) . She is back home recovering , but I can 't imagine how terrible it must feel to go through that . It just breaks my heart . I wish I could do something to help her right now too . She is in NC and I 'm here in TX , so I really can 't do anything but pray and ask for my friends to pray for her too . Her name is Sara , so I would appreciate it if you would add her to your prayer list and please continue to pray for our family as well . We appreciate all of the prayers that we are receiving . They are working ! Mark had another seizure today . : ( He has been having some trouble with the right side of his body . He noticed the other day that he had a hard time holding his razor and he has had a hard time writing . We had an irrigation company out to fix a leak in our sprinkler line and they also did some other work for us in our yard . Mark was outside talking to the owner today and they were discussing the bill and Mark started to worry about if his hand would work or not to sign the check . Then he got that aura that he gets before a seizure , so he told the guy that he would send me out to talk to him . Mark came inside and as soon as he opened the door , I knew something was wrong . He started scratching his face and I knew that he was starting another seizure . He walked to the chair in the living room and then the seizure took over . I could see his right leg seizing while his right arm was moving uncontrollably . After about a minute , his leg stopped seizing , but his arm continued to spasm . That lasted about a minute , so the seizure was about 2 minutes total . When it was over , he was totally wiped out . His muscles hurt so bad on his right side , so he has been limping and rubbing his arm . It is so hard for me to watch him like that . I just feel so bad for him and I would do anything to take it away from him . I gave Mark an Ativan and got him settled in his chair . He rested for a while and then our neighbors came over . That was one blessing for today . They brought supper and stayed to eat with us . Mark did not feel like eating , so he just continued to rest while I ate with our friends - their kids and our kids had a " picnic " in the media room upstairs while they watched a movie . It was really nice for me to be able to visit with them . They are such nice people and we really enjoy being with them . Their kids are great and it 's nice to have them play with our boys . When we were done eating , we joined Mark in the living room . By then , he was a little more aware and awake , so he was able to join in in our conversation . After Posted by So , today was an okay day . I had more pain today than yesterday , but I managed anyway . Mark did not have any seizures today , but his nerves were really thin . He was just very on edge . We are not sure if it is his medication or the tumor , but he just has not been able to handle much noise or movement . So , I had to get the boys out of the house for a little while to give him some moments of total silence . Poor guy . I know this is so hard on him . He is such a good daddy and I know it is difficult for him to feel aggravated when the boys are just being boys . It 's not something he can control , and I 'm sure that is a terrible feeling . He is really good about remaining calm and just letting me know that he needs some quiet time though . Today , I was blessed by my boys . They brought me smiles and outright laughter with the things they said today . I wish I could tell you the first thing that made me laugh , but it 's not something appropriate for posting since it had to do with Colin asking a very innocent , but hilarious question about the male anatomy . : ) Then , a little later Colin found a cotton ball and a couple of Q - Tips . He told Mark , " Look at how I can hold the cotton ball by just using these ear picks " . Ear picks ! That one made me laugh out loud . Another funny thing was that while we were at Wal - Mart , I told Carter I wanted him to stay near me or somebody would take him . He asked me in all seriousness if Colin could come with him wherever somebody takes him . I 've really gotta work on safety issues with that boy and put a little fear in him . : ) So , while it wasn 't the best day ever , it wasn 't the worst , and we were blessed with smiles and laughter from our sweet boys . Mark had a follow up appointment today with the Neurologist . He was so nervous even though there was no need to be . He gets so worried about going to the doctor for anything . His blood pressure was 169 / 105 because of his nerves . His pulse was 135 . He knows there is nothing to be worried about , but he just can 't control it , poor guy ! Anyway , we just got refills for his anti - seizure medications and for his " calm the nerves " medicine . : ) We let her know what the nuerosurgeon said and about the plan for his surgery . He will go back to see her in 3 & 1 / 2 weeks . He should be starting to recover from surgery by then . Tonight we were so blessed with an AMAZING meal brought by a super sweet lady . Thank you Jennifer ! Her family blessed us with the meal , a sweet note , and a gift card to Wal - Mart ! Oh my goodness ! I was in tears because I was so touched by their kindness . Carter could not understand why I was crying . I was trying to explain to him what happy tears are . I don 't think he got it . He just gave me a big hug and kiss and said , " I love you , Mommy ! " It was precious ! We went to pick up Mark 's medication from the pharmacy , and we discovered that the 2 medications he is on total $ 1 , 000 per month ! So , another blessing for today is that our insurance covers 100 % . We do not even have a co - pay ! There is no way we could be more blessed in that area ! I have been feeling a little better today with my Sciatica . I think that the epidural injection helped with part of the pain . Now when I take my pain meds , I seem to get a little more relief , so that 's yet another blessing . Mark had a pretty good day today . He was a little tired at times and felt a little strange for a little while , but overall he felt okay and NO SEIZURES today ! - Blessing ! : ) This may be a somewhat long post . I am going to attemt to tell the story of how our blessings began . I have had a lot of medical issues in the past , so it 's not unusual for strange things to happen to me . Mark , however , is always healthy and just never has any medical complications . He does not even have a primary doctor because he never needs to go . As a matter of fact , he is terrified of doctors . Just thinking about having to go see a doctor makes his blood pressure sky rocket because he gets so nervous . On Tuesday morning a couple of weeks ago , we were just about to leave for school and work . I was taking Colin to Kindergarten and Carter and I were going to CLC ( Christian Learning Center ) , which is the Mother 's Day Out program at our church . Carter attends there and I work there on Tuesdays and Thursdays . Mark was leaving for work at the same time . As he was about to put on his shoes , he said that his leg felt weird . When I looked at him , I saw that his right foot was turned in torward his leg and he was scratching his face over and over again . I could tell that he didn 't have any control over his hands touching his face . I was very worried and I called 911 . The paramedics came and they said everything looked fine . He was able to stop touching his face and settle down once he sat down while I was on the phone with the dispatcher . The paramedics said that his EKG looked fine , and since he was not in any pain , they didn 't need to take him to the hospital . They said he should make an appointment with a neurologist . Since I have had a couple of seizures in the past , I already had a neurologist , so I called her and I got an appointment for the next day for Mark . He was very nervous going in , so his blood pressure was very high again , but we knew the cause was just nerves . The doctor orderd an MRI and EEG , which we went to do that Friday . Mark was nervous about doing thoses tests , but was relieved when they were over . We got a call Friday night from the doctor saying that they found a spot on Mark 's brain on the MRI . Becky |
The silence in the Aston Martin was awkward . Nothing new about this ; with so many topics to avoid ( Clark 's road trip , Lex 's aborted honeymoon , the hole in the ground at the Kent farm , and all the usual secrets and lies ) it was amazing they talked at all . But Lex had invited Clark to drive to Metropolis for a movie anyway , and with the help of a good CD collection and an action - adventure double feature , they 'd made it most of the way through the trip without remembering that they didn 't trust each other . Lex rubbed his eyes . He reminded himself to take a deep breath . " Coffee sounds great , " he said . " I don 't know why I didn 't think of it . Where should we go ? " " It 's either that or the Gas - N - Go on Route 8 . " Clark 's voice was amused . " I don 't think they grind their own beans . " Time to get dressed and get home . The second - to - last thing she needed was Lex realizing that he 'd passed her on the way home and having a talk with her dad . She needed to be in bed faking sleep before Dad 's regular 2 A . M . ' fridge raid . She had the back cupboard open and her duffel bag out when she heard voices in the front room . She froze . Please , God , let someone be robbing the place . The door behind her opened . Chloe froze , her hand on the knob . The other hand came up to cover her eyes , even though they weren 't really what needed covering . " Fit in , " Lex said slowly . He scanned her head - to - toe in the casually offensive manner only he could pull off . She was wearing a black dress - - a black leather dress - - with no sleeves . It came to barely mid - thigh . Clark stared at her arms a lot , to keep from staring at the breasts the dress cupped tight or her thighs - - Chloe never even wore shorts , she hated her legs . Clark didn 't know why she hated them . They were gorgeous . And when she crossed her legs , bringing those knee - high boots into his line of sight - - Clark swallowed hard . " I hate to ask where that guarantees you 'll fit in , " he said . Lex shot to his feet so fast that only Clark 's reflexes saved the table from tipping over . " The hell y - - " He cut himself off . Clark watched , fascinated , as Lex balled his hands into fists and loomed over Chloe . " I didn 't lie to my father , " Chloe said sullenly . " I just didn 't tell him . And I kept my stuff here because if I left it in the car , Lana or Pete might see it and ask questions . " Clark turned his attention back to Chloe . It was difficult , as his attention kept wandering back down to her knees . " I assume this is about a story ? " " I got this really big break a couple of months ago , " she said . She looked nervously over to Lex and back to Clark again . " A chance to maybe write for the Planet . It was - - I mean - - the chance of a lifetime , Clark ! " " It was supposed to be on underage drinking . Here . " She dug into her purse . Clark realized that while her eyes were heavily lined and mascara - ed , she 'd chewed off all her lipstick . Dammit , if he couldn 't look at her face or her knees without getting turned on , what was he supposed to do ? He concentrated on her left ear . " I made up this really awful fake ID on my printer , right ? " Clark never got hot , but there was sweat on the back of his neck . He wasn 't sure if it was from Chloe 's appearance , or from the impending sense of doom her story gave him . He rubbed the base of his neck . " All right . " " The first time I tried The Demon 's Den , well , I wasn 't wearing this . " Chloe laughed . " The bouncer didn 't even check my ID . One look at my outfit , and he kicked me out of line . " " I thought I 'd get a look at the place from the back window . See what clothes I needed . Then I could try again another time . " Chloe 's face darkened . " I saw the clothes , but . . . " " I 'm not saying you 're wrong , " Lex said smoothly , " but let 's not go into that just now . " He gave Clark a meaningful look , and Clark stopped sputtering - - or at least , he brought it down to a barely audible level . " So there was a body , " Lex prompted wearily . Chloe took a deep breath . " I was around back , and when I heard people coming , I - - well , I was only there to observe , and all right , it made me nervous . " She remembered the shifting lights in the alley , and the way she 'd clung to her camera to remind her she was there on a story . " There was a dumpster back there . I kind of ducked behind it , just until they left . " Oh ! " I thought I 'd bumped something . " * Sorry ! Are you okay ? * " And then I realized I 'd bumped someone . He looked like he 'd passed out . " Uh , hey . Hello ? Oh , God . " But I figured out pretty quick that he wasn 't breathing . " She came back from her mental visit to the alley to find Clark and Lex both watching her with concern . She smiled hastily . " I 'm okay ! " Clark just got to his feet and scooped her into a hug . She squeezed back , not even embarrassed when her dress squeaked against him . " I 'm okay , really , " she said . She blinked hard , waiting for the tickle in the back of her throat to go away . She pulled a quarter sheet of photo paper out of her purse . Lex sighed ; of course she 'd taken photos . He examined it . Clark looked over his shoulder . The young man 's face was hard to make out clearly in the dim light , but he looked to be somewhere between Clark 's age and Lex 's . He had shaggy brown hair - - or maybe dark blond - - and pale skin . He wore black leather pants and a red shirt open to the waist . No socks or shoes . " No , I couldn 't see any . I didn 't look under him , but there wasn 't any on the ground at all . He 'd thrown up , though . " He could hear the grimace in her voice . " I don 't know . There 's a lot more than you can see in the picture - - he was just covered in them . Like punk pixie dust . " " I thought about it , " Chloe said with such enthusiasm that Lex smiled . " But I didn 't really have anything I could use as a container . And then I heard more people coming , so I thought I should get out of there while I could . " " One with a healthy sense of self - preservation , " Lex suggested . He held up a hand when she started to protest . " All right . All right . What happened next ? " " I called the police . I did , " she said to Clark 's skeptical look . " Then I snuck back to get photos of the cops in action . But by the time I got there , the body was gone . " " I guess . " She spread her hands wide . " It wasn 't anywhere near there . I looked as long as I could , but I didn 't see anything . " She leaned forward and shot him a smoldering look . Lex heard a choking sound next to him that he suspected was Clark swallowing his own tongue . " Clark , baby , this dress is all the ID I need . " A year ago , Clark would have known when to push . Six months ago , he would have pushed anyway , and he and Lex would have argued it out . Now . . . he kept his eyes turned away . " So what are we going to do about Chloe ? " The loft was a little more crowded since it held clothing ( usefully categorized with old feed boxes ) and a bookshelf from his room , but with the window open , it was still as spacious as he needed it to be . He dropped onto the couch and checked the alarm clock . Ack . One a . m . He set the alarm for 4 : 30 anyway . With a judicious application of speed , he could have his chores done and be back to sleep before his dad even woke up . It was his third week straight of no parental communication . He sighed and rolled over on the couch . Maybe he would be so tired he wouldn 't dream . Clark 's mind zinged back and forth between the time , Lex 's presence in his loft , and that one word . None of it computed . " I don 't - - how - - " I 'm sure she 's fine , Mr . Kent . She didn 't come home last night . Clark and I are going to track her down and bring her home so Mr . Sullivan can ground her . " Clark deliberately clattered down the stairs , and his dad 's head snapped up . Clark looked through him and continued past Lex toward the driveway . " Well , good luck , " his father said behind him . " Lex ! " Clark said with such force , he was surprised the car windows didn 't rattle . " If we 're comparing domestic dramas , I don 't think I win . So shut up . " They pulled up in front of the Talon . " First things first , " Lex said as they headed for the front door . " I 'll distract Gabe ; you check in the back room where she left her bag . If it 's gone , we 'll know - - " Lana showed every sign of having been dragged out of bed far too early . Her jeans and shirt were neat enough , but she wore no makeup , and her hair was coming out of its thick braid . She shot Clark one stricken look , which he returned . Then she turned back to Lex . " I 'm so glad you 're here . Mr . Sullivan 's going crazy . The sheriff is being - - " She made a face . " Let 's say difficult . And they keep asking me . Like anyone tells me anything . " He guided her through the back , pointing Clark toward the back cupboard when she wasn 't looking . " Let 's see if we can calm him down first . Then we 'll tackle our friend the Sheriff . " " Lex ! Oh , I 'm so sorry . I realized after I hung up the phone that I shouldn 't have called you so early . But the Talon , and the door , and Sheriff Adams said - - " " Gabe , it 's all right . " Lex let go of Lana ; he might need his hands free to keep Gabe upright . " I don 't mind . " " I keep trying to think of reasons - - but none of them make sense . " Gabe raked a hand through his hair . " Dammit , maybe she 'd break curfew . But she would call , or leave a note , or tell Lana if she couldn 't get back this late . Even if she was afraid I wouldn 't approve - - she would have - - " You know what you need here ? " Lex said . " A fresh pair of eyes . Lana , why don 't you and Mr . Sullivan go inside and rest - - just for a minute , " he added when Gabe began to protest . " Clark and I will look around out here . " He gestured them both toward the door . Clark was just coming out ; he caught Lex 's eye and shook his head fractionally . " We 'll be right in , " Lex said , and whispered " Feed him " to Lana as she walked past . She nodded and even mustered a small smile . Clark scanned first the car , then the alley with that oddly intense stare that always aroused Lex 's suspicions . He stopped on the nearest dumpster and glanced back at Lex before moving " casually " that way . It would have been funny , if not for Chloe 's recent dumpster discovery . " Her keys ? " Lex rubbed his head . " That makes as much sense as anything , I guess . She waited for us to leave , went back to the Talon , got her bag - - " " I don 't know ! I told you that . I told you everything . I don 't know how he died ; I don 't know who did it ; I don 't know what they did with him . I don 't even know his name . " Chloe took a deep breath . She rubbed her shoulders - - bruises were already starting to form - - and looked around . Four walls , a door ( with a kidnapper between her and it ) , a boarded - up window , and random falling apart furniture . Yeah , your average abandoned shack . Nothing new since the first time she 'd looked hours ago ; nothing she could use to get out of there . " The way you drive ? I don 't think so . " He snorted , and Chloe wondered if there was really much to be afraid of . Okay , he 'd kidnapped her , and she might have permanent muscle damage from the repeated grabbing . But then , she was from Smallville . She had a high tolerance for these things . Chloe stood . " You know , I was pretty nice about being kidnapped , " she said , closing the distance between her chair and his . " Not to mention interrogated and bruised . " Lex leaned against the far wall of the Talon and watched Sheriff Adams try to talk with Gabe and Lana . It was obvious from the look on her face that she wasn 't getting much information , despite the agitated volume coming from the other side of the table . Clark came through the back door . " Pete hasn 't heard from her , " he said before Lex could even ask . " He wanted to help look , but I convinced him to stick by the phone until we knew better where to look . If Chloe can get to a phone , she 'll either call Pete or me . Or her dad , but he has his cell phone . " And indeed , Gabe was checking it compulsively between bouts of frantic explanation . " By that logic , shouldn 't you be home , too ? " Lex asked , just to see the reaction . " Or can you even hear the phone in the barn ? " " I think Chloe would prefer we didn 't confess on her behalf unless we had to . " Clark started to interrupt , but Lex waved him off . " I talked to my investigator while you were gone . He was in Metropolis for our meeting today ; I had him do some checking in and around the club . " Clark looked to the right . Mr . Sullivan was checking his voice mail while Lana played with a probably cold cup of coffee . The sheriff had left a few minutes ago , which had at least quieted the room . This time , he could tell that Lex had heard it too . They both looked back at the oblivious pair before them . Then they slipped into the back room . " Chloe ! " She looked rumpled and exhausted , but blessedly alive . He jumped forward to hug her , then stopped himself and ran a quick X - Ray check . " Are you okay ? " " Yeah , yeah , I 'm fine , " she said impatiently . " My dad 's in there , isn 't he ? Does he know ? " Lex made a noncommittal noise and stared at his feet for a moment . When he looked up , there was an all - too - familiar glint in his eye . Both Clark and Chloe leaned back ; Clark suddenly remembered their conversation last night about Helen . " You 're not going to like it , " Lex said , with a grin that suggested it was a selling point for him . " If anyone asks , you don 't remember a thing , " Lex said . He took two quick steps toward her . Clark shifted to see around him , but by the time he moved , Chloe was slumped over the desk . " Special spray . Knockout drops . " Lex lifted his hand and covered Clark 's . " She 'll wake up in twenty minutes and be fine . It 'll convince her father that she doesn 't know anything . We need to hurry before Gabe or Lana checks - - " " Right . " Clark let go ; Lex hadn 't even realized he was a few inches above the floor until his feet hit it . He tried not to catch his breath obviously . " We will talk later , " Clark said as Lex leaned over Chloe . " Oh , my God . " Gabe rushed forward to take his daughter , and the grin faded under a twinge of guilt . " Where did you - - what ? - - " " Mm , thanks . " She snuggled in closer to him . When Harry Met Sally was just finishing . It was her secret favorite movie . " That was fun . " " I know , but we still don 't know who did this to you or if they 'll come back . " Chloe 's stomach twisted at the fear on her dad 's face . " Maybe you should go to work with Lana for a while . " " Dad . No . Just - - " Yelling at him would be bad , she reminded herself . " I 'll stick close to Clark for a while , how does that sound ? " Chloe pretended to be looking for something in her closet . " Oh , I 'm a hooker , and Clark and Lex are my pimps . Nothing is going on , everything is fine , and get out . " " Got a time machine ? Or a pill to make us all fundamentally open and trusting ? Damn it , Lana , do you think I would have spent the last two months avoiding everyone I love if this were fixable ? " Chloe waited until Lana 's sobs were muffled by a closed door . Then she closed and quietly locked her own door . It only took a minute to change her pajamas for jeans , and a few more to climb out the window and down the trellis . They hurried through her back yard into the alley , where one of Lex 's cars was parked a discreet distance away . " Can we make this fast ? " she asked as Clark moved around to face her . " You know my dad will be checking on me soon . " " Well , did you think I objected to The Demon 's Den because it played the wrong music ? " Lex snapped . " What does this have to do with your dead boy ? People are killed for drugs and sex every day . They don 't usually appear and disappear in a back alley . " " Okay . Mark said - - " Chloe 's hands became even more animated as she laid the story out . Clark always found himself picturing Chloe 's hand movements when he read one of her articles . " Nathan was a regular , um , worker , at the club , but his real money didn 't come from hooking . He was apparently some kind of drug runner , and an ambitious one . He had some big plan , Mark says , to get promoted or whatever they call it in crime . The last time Mark saw him - - " Chloe scrunched up her face in concentration . " He said something like , ' I 'm not going to be a pawn in this game , I 'm going to own it . ' But he wouldn 't be more specific . That was the night I found him . " " Did you forget there 's a woman out there who just tried to kill me ? I carry that when my gun isn 't practical . And I don 't know why I 'm explaining myself to you . When have you ever returned the favor ? " " Hey ! " Clark just about ran Chloe down as she stepped between him and Lex . " Stop it , Clark . Just stop it . " Her eyes shone in the dim light from the street . " I 'm not giving this up , no matter what you do . So help me , or go back to the farm . Your choice . " " She was so happy to help me with my ' new look . ' I ask you , what was wrong with my old one ? " Chloe didn 't mention the hour - long gigglefest that had accompanied the appointment . It had been a girl - day like she hadn 't had in a long time , even with the occasional awkward silence . Then Dad had come back , and after the fifteenth promise that no , she wouldn 't go anywhere Clark didn 't follow ( except , presumably , the bathroom and bedroom ) all night , and yes , Lex was happy to let her stay in his penthouse , he and Lana had gone back to Smallville . It had been depressingly easy to convince Dad , who for once considered Metropolis less dangerous . He didn 't know that Lex had given everyone the day off as soon as he drove off , and that the promised museum opening was a complete sham . " Nothing was wrong with it , " Lex 's patient voice came , reminding Chloe where she was . " But we want you fairly unrecognizable . The extensions and the new clothes should accomplish that . " She made a face and went back to tugging at her clothes . " And the pants are really tight . I don 't - - what was that , Clark ? " " Sure . " She checked to make sure everything was more or less covered . " I 'm coming out ! " she yelled , and counted to ten just in case . Clark 's outfit was deceptively simple : black leather pants similar to her own and a white T - shirt . Chloe had a sudden urge to sneak into his closet and burn every piece of flannel he owned . She 'd known , intellectually , that he was strong , he had muscles , but displayed like this . . . She dragged her eyes over to Lex , which did not help . Lex was a dash of color next to her black and Clark 's black and white . His leather pants ( of course ) and silk shirt were blue , a shade brighter than navy . The shirt was untucked , but she could see the low outline of the pants through the thin silk . It was also unbuttoned at the top , displaying a thin gold chain , and at the bottom , displaying more leather , and he 'd rolled the sleeves up . He looked all . . . casual , Chloe told her hindbrain firmly . * That 's the word you 're looking for . * Behind his shoulder , she could see Clark stiffen , but Lex just kept going . " Sorry , Chloe , but you 're too demure for a hooker . " His fingers brushed against her stomach . When he lifted his hands , she was left with two buttons still together . She looked down and gave thanks for the new lingerie that had accompanied the clothes . " The bra is supposed to show , right ? " Clark was still sputtering halfway there . Once Lex had explained that both Clark and Chloe would be Lex 's - - er - - employees for the evening and Clark recovered from that , it hit him that Lex had said " No one will be surprised if I bring you both in . " Which opened up a whole other perspective on his so - called best friend . Fortunately , Metropolis traffic made the drive from Lex 's penthouse to The Demon 's Den longer than usual , so Clark had time to deal . Or not deal . Or whatever . He set that aside after a while to panic over how to behave . Lex and Chloe were sprawled across him in the limo , looking like a pair of sleek , stylish black cats . Chloe had apparently learned all she needed from her earlier visits to the club ; Lex was just being Lex , and besides , he wore sex as easily as he wore those leather pants , damn him . The limo came to a stop and Clark gulped . He might as well have " underage hick " written on his forehead in glowing green ink . He was going to screw up Chloe 's story , get Lex arrested , ruin everything . Time for a semi - extreme measure . Clark closed his eyes and willed up the memory of the red Kryptonite . His stomach lurched with guilt . He pushed it away . The guilt always came afterwards . How had he felt in its grasp during the three weeks he 'd been trying to forget ? Clark met Lex 's gaze steadily for the first time in months . He felt himself smile . Lex 's eyes narrowed . " Let 's go , then . " He swung himself out of the car with ease . Both Chloe and Lex looked back at him oddly before turning toward the club . The thought of unnerving them solidified the wicked smile . The bouncer hardly glanced at him before waving them all in , with a nod in Lex 's direction . Someone short , blond , and obsequious all but jumped them as soon as they entered the club . " Mr . Luthor , it 's good to see you in the Den , " he said . " We 've missed you . " " I 'm sure you have , " Lex said , doing that irritating thing where he looked around the room while talking to someone directly in front of him . " How have you been , Jackson ? " I couldn 't care less , his tone implied . One arm was firmly around Chloe while she leaned against him and pretended to look stupid . The other hand was running up and down Clark 's arm , and not in a comforting manner . Clark used some innovative revenge fantasies to keep the easy smile on his face . " I 'm good . I 'm good , thank you . " There was something too happy about this guy , even for someone trying to chat up a Luthor . " I assume you want a back room ? " Clark took a sip of his , not that you could make a sip look casual and cool . Chloe was in Lex 's lap , coyly offering him the rest of her cocktail , and Clark discovered suddenly that leather had serious drawbacks when it came to being a voyeur . He inched his legs farther under the table and took another drink . He tried to distract himself by looking around the club . In other circumstances , he would have been wide - eyed ; it was nothing like he 'd ever seen , all leather and drinks and beautiful bodies and flashing lights and Chloe was kissing Lex ! He gulped the rest of his drink , not caring about the glare Lex sent him mid - kiss . The feel of Lex 's mouth on his was a shock . It lasted only a second , then Lex was looking down at him again and Clark 's smile had faded . " Stay put , " Lex said . The room smelled like disinfectant and incense ; Lex grimaced . Chloe was looking around , probably taking mental notes on the too - large sofa and exceptional number of cushions . Clark was double - checking the lock on the door , not that it would hold against anything stronger than wishful thinking . " I wouldn 't sit on it . " He scrutinized the walls carefully . " I don 't see any security cameras . Do . . . either of you ? " " We give it a few minutes , and then we find their computer room . When I - - when I knew this place , the drugs dealt out of here were done on an entrepreneurial basis . " He shook off memories of one " entrepreneur " in particular and continued . " Jackson was very good at keeping the club and any back room activities separate , in part because I gave him advice on the topic . If he 's involved , I 'll be able to tell . " " Yeah , but we know where I learned it . Come on , Clark , what were you really doing in Metropolis last month ? " Her tone was facetious . Her eyes were not . " Right . Nothing . Did you know your dad called me every day , asking if I 'd heard from you ? I could hardly tell him I was the last person you 'd confide in . And the whole time , your mom - - " Chloe , meanwhile , had claimed the upper half of Lex 's body . She ran her hands down the silk over his arms , then slipped them underneath his sleeves . He moved the hand that wasn 't guiding Clark to her breast almost automatically . He felt the two fastened buttons give . He knew in some dim part of his brain that he was supposed to be listening for something , but he couldn 't quite remember what . It was easier to concentrate on Chloe 's mouth moving against his , and Clark 's hair under his fingers . He stroked through the thick curls , smoothing his palm over the scalp beneath . Clark grabbed his legs , in warning or - - something , Lex wasn 't sure . And then what little thought he had left fled as Clark nosed his shirt up and began licking long stripes from the edge of Lex 's pants up to his navel . Lex moaned . He slipped his thumb inside Chloe 's bra ; she leaned harder into him and bit his bottom lip . He tugged at her now - loose shirt . The skin under it was warm and smooth . They stared at each other - - Lex , still reclining on the sofa ; Chloe , leaning over with her shirt most of the way off ; Clark , looking up at them both from the floor . All three were breathing hard . And if Lex looked anything like the other two , they all had stunned expressions . Denial . That 's what we need right now . And a distraction . . . Lex finally remembered to check the door . " They 're gone , " he said into the empty air . " They brought , ah , refreshments . " There was a tray with several bottles of alcohol , as well as Lex 's favorite brand of barbiturate entertainment . Clark and Chloe exchanged glances . Chloe gave up on her shirt and tied it in a knot beneath her breasts . Lex tugged his clothes back into place , not allowing his hand to linger on his moist stomach . She wondered if she should start her writing career with Playgirl instead of the Planet . It wasn 't quite as prestigious , but . . . She snuck another look at his hands . She was willing to make some sacrifices . Chloe suppressed several responses and followed him into a room bigger than her living room at home . A top - of - the - line Power Mac G5 was on one side of the room , next to several screens that looked like security monitors . The other half of the room contained another " conversation " area . Lex grabbed something off the arm of the couch and handed it to her . " Fine , " she said , stripping out of her ruined shirt and putting it where the sweater had been . Its former owner probably wouldn 't even notice . " You 're all about dressing me tonight , " she said , wriggling into the - - ooh , cashmere . " What 's with that ? " Lex was already seated in front of the computer . " I may need your help to get into this , " he said . " I helped set the system up , but that was five years and two computers ago . " Time inched by as Lex worked his way into the system with occasional input from Chloe . Finally , he made a satisfied sound and hit three last keys . The screens flickered to life . Chloe muffled a gasp . Lex nodded . He scanned through several directories . " I wonder . . . " he began , but before he had a chance to finish , the screen began flashing . " Shit . " Both Lex and Chloe started grinning stupidly almost immediately . * This is not good , * Clark thought . Chloe started tugging at the hem of her sweater , and Clark rushed to grab her hand while upgrading their status to really not good . A quick X - ray check showed people milling around the corridors , behaving exactly like Clark 's two companions . He corralled Chloe and Lex - - both more interested in tasting the odd flakes on their clothes than in actually walking - - and dragged them to the door . They blended into the crazy crowd . Not far from his goal , he saw some of the bouncers heading his way . He narrowed his eyes . They didn 't seem affected by the glitter , either . Which meant if they noticed his sober state . . . Chloe kissed him back enthusiastically if sloppily . He would have enjoyed it , but he was too worried . Lex was watching them curiously when he lifted his head . The bouncers were facing the other way . Clark made it to the door without incident . Unless you counted the location of Chloe 's hand an incident . The limo was where Lex had ordered it to be , only a block away . Clark pulled the other two in with him . " Back to the penthouse , " he told the driver , and hit the switch for the privacy glass . " Not from where I 'm . . . mmm . . . lying . Oh , that feels - - " Chloe broke off to make more of those moaning noises . Clark ordered himself not to look . His eyes disobeyed . The glitter was being transferred to Chloe 's bare skin from Lex 's shirt as they rubbed against each other . Lex was sucking steadily at her breast in time with the stroke of his hands down her sides . He pushed one hand between their bodies , and Clark fought the impulse to use Xray vision to see where , exactly , it had gone . She opened her eyes and they settled vaguely on Clark . " Hey , " she said . " That was so cool . You 've got to try it . " Clark wasn 't sure if he was more disturbed by her dazed look or the fact that she 'd said exactly the same thing in eighth grade when she 'd talked him into testing the Pop Rocks and Coke urban legend . " I . Um . Oh , thank God . I mean , we 're here , " Clark blurted as he felt the limo stop . He threw Chloe 's sweater at her . " Better get dressed . " Clark got them dressed , apart , and into the elevator , but it wasn 't easy . He breathed a huge sigh of relief when it hit the top floor . He stepped out , checking just in case some of Lex 's staff had come back unexpectedly - - There was a giggle behind him , and a familiar black sweater flew over his shoulder . Clark closed his eyes . * God , I know we haven 't talked much since I found out I was an alien , mostly because I wasn 't sure about the soul thing . But if you could find a way to help me out here . . . * " I was promised a million dollars if I brought her in alive , " the guy said . Clark focused on the person behind the gun . He was lanky and lean , chewing gum and managing to look blase and deadly at the same time . " I 've got the girl . Where 's my million ? " " Okay . Okay , " Clark said . He tried desperately to think . " Let 's go inside and make arrangements , okay ? " Lex would kill him if Helen saw him like this . Of course , he 'd also kill him if Helen got away . " It was an accident , " Clark said , and winced . " Never mind . Just - - " Keys . Keys . In his hand , because he 'd taken them from Lex earlier . He went to the door , stopping to scoop up Chloe 's sweater . " Keep her back . " Lex and Chloe stumbled out of the elevator . With her extensions and lack of clothing , Chloe looked like some random druggie . Clark hoped Helen wouldn 't look too closely . Time to herd everyone . Clark pointed Helen 's captor to the living room . " Don 't let her move , " he said . Then he dragged the other two into the adjoining library . " No , wait ! Give me a minute , Lex . Then you can tell her . " Clark stepped out , closed the door , and leaned back against it . Through the thick wood , he could Chloe singing the first verse of " If I Had a Million Dollars , " and . . . yes , that was Lex chiming in . " That 's fine with me , Mr . Hicks , " Clark said . " Would you like to tie her to something ? I 'm sure Lex wouldn 't mind . In fact , you might get a bonus for it . " " Hold her , " she heard Clark say , and then his hands were on her face . " We don 't know . This weird glitter stuff fell from the ceiling . But everyone there was just high . I didn 't see anyone get sick . " He picked her up . " Stop ! " she whimpered as her stomach lurched . She shoved her face into his chest . He didn 't go very far , and then she heard water running . He carried her into the shower . Clark left them long enough to find dry clothes . He dressed her in her pajamas , then picked her up . Chloe had her eyes open for the ride this time . " I 'll take care of that . " He turned to the man sitting across from her . " She needs to be here in the morning . If you get tired - - " Lex walked past them . " That 's what I wanted to say ! " she heard him say as he opened the door . " I 've been trying to remember . " Lex didn 't remember his bed being so soft . He climbed in and looked up at Clark , who was still holding Chloe . " It 's a big bed . We 'll all fit . " He yawned . Clark put Chloe on the other side . Lex helped tuck her in . Then Clark sat in the only chair , which put his knees right by Lex 's head . " I don 't mind the plane crash so much . I saved myself , " Lex said proudly . " But I should have known before . When you weren 't at the wedding . " He moved forward on the pillow , but Clark 's face was still shadowed . " I should have known . " Clark was quiet for so long that Lex almost fell asleep . " I wasn 't psychic , or even a good judge of character , " he said finally . " I was too busy destroying my family to come to your wedding . " " Don 't . Don 't tell me it 's not my fault . Everyone says that . Even my dad said it when he came to Metropolis . I went home with him because he said it wasn 't my fault , but every time I look at my mom , I know he was wrong . " Lex tried to think through the fog in his brain . " Well , it was your fault , " he said reasonably . " But you didn 't mean to . " A flash of movement , and Clark was kneeling on the ground . Lex blinked . His eyes weren 't shadowed anymore , but a vivid green . " But what do I do ? " Lex squinted at something on the pillow in front of him . It was Clark 's hand . He took it in his and wiggled it back and forth for a moment . Then he tucked their joined hands under his head . " You have warm hands . " When he opened his eyes , bright sunlight was pouring over the bed . A blonde head was occupying most of his stomach . And the memory of the night before was waiting to hit . Chloe stumbled to the doorway . " Hey ! " she shouted . The screaming people in the living room stopped and stared at her . " Do you mind ? Some of us are trying to be hung over here . " She tossed the pills back and chased them with about half the water . When she lowered the bottle , Lex raised a brow . She smiled . " This is your brain on pixie dust . " " Lex - - " Helen began . Chloe saw a muscle twitch in Lex 's jaw . Her arms went around his waist before she 'd even thought about it . He responded automatically , but she could feel the confusion radiating off him . Then Helen said , " Lex ! " in a horrified tone , and he got it . His arms came around her and he relaxed a little . Lex shook his head . He didn 't say " you crazy kids , " but it was plain on his face . Then Clark caught his eyes . Chloe watched , fascinated , as the smiles faded from both faces . It was tentative . It was nerve - wracking . And then Lex felt Clark 's tongue brush his scar , and his eyes closed without his permission . This was Clark . Lex realized he was still holding on to Chloe . He left his hand where it was to remind himself that he and Clark were in front of a very interested audience . This is a show for Helen , he tried to tell himself . But the slide of Clark 's tongue said otherwise . When they broke apart , Lex couldn 't help licking his lips . They tasted like Scope . He kept his gaze low . He wasn 't sure he wanted to see the look in Clark 's eyes right now , and he knew damn sure he didn 't want anyone to see what was in his . " You son of a bitch ! " Helen screamed . Lex had seen her angry , afraid , and in tears before ; he had never seen this passionate mixture of all three . " You presumptuous , arrogant ass ! You want to know why ? Clark fucking Jerome fucking Kent , that 's why ! " Lex managed to look faintly amused instead of completely surprised . The feeling of working as a team was . . . gratifying . Precarious , but gratifying . He gave Helen the smirk that had driven her crazy even before she 'd been actively trying to kill him . " See where jealousy leads you ? Conspiracy . Murder . Being tracked down by the gracious and charming Mr . Hicks . Being bribed by my father . " He shook his head . " Your father ? " She let out a hysterical shrill of laughter . " Your father didn 't know what hit him . He thought he was paying me to keep you out of the way so he could close some damn deal involving the caves . " He 'd what ? " Congratulations , " Lex said . He fixed the smirk back on his face . He 'd deal with this revelation later - - assuming she was telling the truth . " You 've joined a very exclusive club : people stupid enough to fuck with both my father and me . " She stumbled back too fast , collided with Hicks , and landed on the floor in front of the sofa . " Don 't threaten me , Lex . You wouldn 't know moral high ground if you were buried in it . " Her gaze flicked back over his shoulder to Clark , and Lex felt a surge of panic . " Careful , Mrs . Luthor . " A few quick steps , and he crouched down by her . He watched her try not to flinch . " Not too many members of that club are still living . " Lex stood slowly , never breaking eye contact . He reached into his jacket - - Clark braced himself - - and pulled out an envelope , which he handed to Hicks . " Thank you for your services , " he said . He was still staring at Helen . " If you 'd drop her off at the Hyde Street police station , I would appreciate it . Detective Davison is expecting her . " " She knows it would be too hard to explain if I didn 't at least make a show of using the justice system . I 'll leave her there for a couple of days . Then I 'll give a big speech about misunderstandings and forgiveness and decline to press charges . " Lex sank onto the couch . He rubbed his head again . Clark sucked up his courage and sat next to him . " So . Helen 's . . . " Gone . Surprisingly alive . Scary as hell and in possession of too many secrets . " . . . gone , " he decided . Lex looked over at him . " We should talk about last night . " " I mean , the club . The stuff . The computers ! And stuff . " Well , at least Lex wasn 't upset any more . He was snickering . " I can think of two possible reasons . One is the equivalent of a free sample , to attract customers . The second is to distract the club 's patrons from something else going on there . " " Last night was , what , a security measure ? " Chloe suggested . " When we get too far into the computer systems - - or when Nathan Hughes did the same - - it triggered the stuff ? " Clark lurked in the shadows opposite The Demon 's Den and went over the plan again in his head . Lex had put it together , with help from Chloe , so of course it shot straight past complex to labyrinthine . He scowled at nothing . He had above average intelligence . He knew what " labyrinthine " meant , dammit . He should be able to do this . Jackson came out of the club and passed by the bouncers just as Clark flipped the antenna up . He worked his way through the line , shaking hands and stopping to flirt with anything in a skirt . Clark rolled his eyes . Jackson made a surprised sound when the cell phone antenna met the small of his back . Clark leaned in , making sure his jacket hid the " weapon " from sight , and draped a friendly hand across Jackson 's shoulder . " No sudden moves , " he said in a dangerous tone he 'd learned from Lex , " and I won 't have to hurt you . " They stopped just inside the office . Clark closed and locked the door , thinking fast . The original plan had involved hacking into the computer and restoring the erased files . The original plan hadn 't factored in X - Ray vision . Safe behind the bookcase , CDs in the safe . Bingo . Jackson twitched a bit too much as he walked past the desk . " Don 't trigger the security , " Clark said casually . " You 're the only one who 'll get high . " Um . " Let 's just say that not all of your employees are as loyal as you think , " Clark said , and watched Jackson stop dead to stare at him . He congratulated himself . Stir up dissension in the ranks . Lex would love it . Chloe snickered . She plopped down onto a chair and watched Lex insert the CD he 'd chosen into his computer . In the corner of Lex 's office , Clark had stacked everything else he 'd taken from the safe - - three bags of money and several Tupperware containers ( Tupperware , unbelievable ) of pixie dust . According to him , Jackson still thought the motive was robbery . " Our plan would have worked , too , " she said . " For the record . " " I don 't know yet . " A dark but clear image of the alley appeared on the monitor . Lex hit a few keys and it scanned forward . " Sit down . You 're popping in and out of my peripheral vision . It 's irritating . " They watched in silence as two of the club 's bouncers came running out after him . As Jackson followed with a vial of something that sparkled . As Nathan accepted and drank it , still laughing . Lex shut it off when Chloe 's own voice came over the speakers . She tried to make herself look up , but her muscles refused . " Thank you , " she said into Clark 's shirt . " I hate them , " Lex said simply . " I want them dead . " He dared to meet Clark 's eyes . " Do you understand what I 'm saying ? " " I do , " Clark said more sharply . Lex looked back . Clark 's face was pale , and his eyes never wavered . " I want to feed them their own drug and watch them laugh themselves to death . I want to bury them beneath that dumpster . I understand . " " But you won 't . " The rage was a palpable thing , weighing hot behind his eyes . It reminded him of the heat on his hands after he 'd shot Roger Nixon . " And I can do all those things with one phone call - - but you 're going to tell me not to . Aren 't you ? " " When I was . . . gone , after the accident , I was . . . my dad says I wasn 't myself . He says I was crazy . " He shrugged briefly , throwing off the words , and took a quick breath . " I did things - - I hurt people , and maybe most of them deserved it . At the time , I told myself that they 'd done something , some time , to deserve it . I didn 't really care . I just wanted to do some damage . But I justified it for that small part of me that knew it was wrong . " " That 's not the point . " Clark raised his eyes again , but they only came to Lex 's collar . " I 'm not sure I know what the point is . " " Go to the police . Send them everything Jackson gave me from the safe . And if anyone from The Demon 's Den leaves town before the cops come - - " Clark raised his eyes the rest of the way , and for a second Lex could swear they glittered red . " I 'll help you bring them back . " Lex pushed away from the desk , and Clark found himself holding his breath as Lex knelt before him . " Promise me , " he said in a low voice . With Clark 's sitting position , they were precisely at eye level with each other . Clark 's hands flexed and dug into his legs . Lex 's eyes were open , challenging him in some way Clark didn 't really understand , and he was miserably aware of every awkward move of his tongue and lips . He sucked in a breath and tried again , reaching for that red - Kryptonite feeling of power . But being here with Lex was all the green kind : shakiness and weakness and fear . Lex broke away and Clark reached for him before he could stop himself . His fingers brushed against silk long enough to feel the muscles beneath contract . He jerked away . " I told myself that . " Lex 's chest rose and fell on a half - laugh . " I had a lot of conversations with myself out on the water . Maybe it was the sunstroke , but I really expected you to just drop out of the sky and save me . " " Yeah . Well . " Lex was on his feet so quickly Clark 's gaze stayed fixed at what was now knee level . " It doesn 't matter what I expected or what you wished , does it ? I 'm home . You 're home . The very definition of status quo . " He strode from the room , leaving Clark behind . One of Lex 's " people " had removed the soaked clubwear from the shower , cleaned off the pixie dust , and stacked everything in a corner of the guest room . Chloe sat cross - legged on the floor , fingering the various materials . She drew patterns on the leather . Her cell phone was partly buried under a shirt ; the keys glowed , giving off square green shadows . Chloe picked it up . She 'd memorized Mark 's number , but it took four tries to punch it in correctly . It rang twice . The click of someone answering made Chloe 's stomach twist . " Hello ? Hello ? Chloe , is that you ? Is - - did you find - - is it about Nathan ? " Lex opened his mouth to ask exactly that , but Clark 's lips were on his and Clark 's tongue was exploring his mouth . Lex wondered how his fingers had gotten tangled in Clark 's hair . Briefly , he worried that this was just a belated reaction to the pixie dust . Maybe it just took longer to work on Clark than it did on the rest of them ? But nobody in the room was laughing . Rather , Clark seemed to be as serious as Lex had ever known him . His hands were busy tugging away the sheet between them . A quick shift , and then Lex felt the sudden friction of a sweater and jeans against his bare skin . Clark seemed pleased by the results ; his hands wandered liberally on their way back up . Clark smelled like wool and tasted like sweat . Lex had a sudden insane urge to see if every inch of Clark 's skin had that exact tang of salt . Collarbone , yes , shoulder , yes , base of throat , yes , but more slippery , and it made Clark jerk and groan . He could feel the bruises forming as Clark 's fingers dug into his arms . He didn 't care . Heated breath was his only warning before Clark 's mouth closed over his cock . Maybe Clark would . Maybe he had . Maybe he was really , really good at this . When Lex 's eyes uncrossed , Clark was leaning on the pillow next to him with a smug look on his face . Lex had to smile . He looked so impressed with himself . " Status quo , " Clark said , and there was just the slightest edge to his smile now . " Or is it quid pro quo ? I can never remember . " Lex pushed his sunglasses back up his face and thought that waiting for late people made a beautiful sunny Metropolis morning feel a lot like a hot muggy Metropolis afternoon . Wait , it was a hot muggy Metropolis afternoon . He checked his watch again . " Damn it . . . " " Lex ! " Clark hurried around the corner , holding a card in his hand and , as far as Lex could tell , not sweating at all . " I 'm here . I got it . Sorry . " " Make the paper yourself , did you ? " Lex asked as he took it and pulled out a pen . He could feign normalcy just as well as Clark could . Status quo , he thought grimly . Lex scribbled a few words on the card and popped the trunk . The card went into one of two white boxes tucked into the corner . He turned back to find Clark staring at him . " I 'm sorry ! I 'm sorry ! " She was juggling three bags and her phone , and trying to push her hair away from her face with her shoulder . " Oh , I can 't get used to this new hair . Mark called at the last minute , and I couldn 't blow him off . " He kissed her cheek . She blushed more . " Well , we have been through a lot together , " she said . " I wouldn 't want you getting in trouble for - - He was still chuckling at her reaction as they left Metropolis behind and headed for Smallville . Chloe made a face when she saw him smiling at her in the rearview mirror . Then she went back to her quiet conversation with Clark ; he 'd twisted nearly all the way around to talk to her from the passenger seat . " I don 't know . It seems like we 've lived a couple of lifetimes since May . " Out of the corner of his eye , Lex could see Clark fiddling with the side of the seat cover . " I look back at just about everything that 's happened , and I can 't believe I was ever that . . . that . . . " " Well , I wouldn 't say criminally . " Chloe poked Clark in the arm and he grinned at her . Chloe grinned back . But she avoided meeting Lex 's eyes in the mirror for the rest of the drive . Lex handed her two boxes . " Open the top one first . And not when anyone 's around , " he added quickly as her dad opened the front door . The smaller box held a wealth of brochures and books about the museum opening . " All right , Lex , " Chloe said . " Way to maintain a cover . " There was even a tie with . . . she squinted . . . some truly hideous painting on it . Dad would love it . The green fabric in the second box confused her . She opened the card on top . Inside , in Clark 's handwriting : We 'd buy you a green dress . Her computer booted quickly , and she watched the messages pop up on her email screen . Two older messages were still flagged as unread . One , a week old , was from a dailyplanet . com address . The other was over a month old and no one would be able to trace it back to Lionel Luthor . Lex stopped the car by the Kent mailbox and they both sat there , staring out their respective windows . " Helen 's being released this afternoon . " Clark jerked his head around . Lex 's expression was calm . " I finalized the arrangements before we left . " " And what are the arrangements , exactly ? " " Lex . " " To use a phrase you might recall , quid pro quo . " Clark tried not to flinch as he remembered the last time he 'd used those words . " I wasn 't kidding about crossing my father . I 'll let his possible reaction sink in . Then I 'll impress upon her that I 'm the best protection from him she 'll find . " " Clark . " Lex laughed . " She hates me . And she 'll know that I 'm in control of her fate . You don 't think that 's punishment enough ? " Clark 's mind was spinning as Lex continued . " I get the ally I need against my father , and she gets to keep breathing . Quid pro quo . " " And she 's still a part of your life , " Clark said . " Keep your enemies close , and your wives closer ? " " Sometimes they 're one and the same . " Lex shrugged . " The only alternative really is to kill her . Or tell my father she 's been released , which is the same thing . Which would you prefer , Clark ? " He looked away . When he looked up , Lex had an all - too - familiar expression on his face . The one he wore when he was pretending he didn 't care . " Lex . . . " Let me come with you , he thought . Let me explain last night to you . As soon as I figure it out myself . " Lex - - " " No . " Clark grabbed Lex 's shoulder and didn 't let go even when Lex jerked back as far as possible . " No . I don 't care if you hate me , that 's better than playing this game again . " Kissing Lex would probably end as miserably as it had every other time he tried . But he did it anyway . He pushed Lex back against the driver 's door and kissed him as though he 'd never get the chance again . Just in case . Clark pulled back finally . Meeting Lex 's eyes was one of the hardest things he 'd done in a long time . Lex just stared at him . Clark realized suddenly that they were breathing in the same harsh rhythm . " I don 't hate you , " he said finally . " Sounds good . " Clark stepped back , then stopped as something occurred to him . " Be careful , though . Don 't forget what happened the last time we decided to have coffee . " |
Maybe you do not want to tell me . Perhaps you do not want to burden me , or scare me . Maybe you just do not want to talk about it . Maybe you are too tired . I do now know what you are feeling . I respect your boundaries . I do not want to push you . I want you to know : I miss our conversations . I miss your insight . I miss your support . I am so worried about you . And so scared . I want to respect your privacy . I want to give you the space you need . I know that this is a difficult time for you . I just do not know what to do . One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord . Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky . In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand . Sometimes there were two sets of footprints , other times there were one set of footprints . This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life , when I was suffering from anguish , sorrow or defeat , I could see only one set of footprints . So I said to the Lord , " You promised me Lord , that if I followed you , you would walk with me always . But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand . Why , when I needed you most , you have not been there for me ? " The Lord replied , " The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand , is when I carried you . " The first time I read this poem , I cried . When I am overwhelmed , and feeling lost , those are the times when I can , and should , lean on God . God will carry me . Eventually , when I am ready to walk on my own , God will gently place me down . With both feet solidly on the ground , I will walk tall , because God is everpresent at my side . Regular MRIs of the brain is somewhat controversial , since constant radiation exposure to the brain can actually cause cancer . Unfortunately , there is no other way to monitor the cancer we already know is there . So , I go for a brain MRI every 3 - 4 months , since I want to know what is going on in my head . ( Yes , I know , I just opened the door for all those sarcastic comments from my dear friends and family members . . . . ) Well , due to a technical error ( i . e . either the fax never went through or Hadassah lost my papers ) , the MRI dept . did not schedule an appointment for me for this month . I finally got through to the manager , who found me an " emergency " appointment for this past motz ' ai Shabbat ( Saturday night ) , at 11 : 30 pm . I explained that I am on chemo , and the hour is really late for me , but that is all there was , unless I wanted to wait another two months . . . . NOT . So , I took the appointment . When we realized that Moshe would not be able to come with me , I again tried to move the appointment , to no avail . Sunday ( today ) he attended a full day academic conference at Haifa University , about the Dead Sea Scrolls and the Second Temple Period . He had to leave early in the morning and he needed to go to sleep early . He felt bad about not being able to take me ( he always takes me for my MRIs ) , but I pointed out that it did not make sense to lose a day of work and pay for a conference if he was going to sleep through the lectures ! Since I had encouraged him to attend the conference , I certainly was not going to be the cause of him missing it ! ( For Moshe , attending these conferences is like letting a little kid loose in a candy shop . . . he thrives on this stuff ! ! ) So , I called one of my Jerusalem friends . Jackpot ! She had rested on Shabbat , could stay out as late as necessary , had no plans for Sunday morning , and could pick me up and take me home ! To top it off , she is GREAT COMPANY ! I had so much fun hanging out with her . But the evening had a few " hitches . " I got there early enough , and was able to take care of all the paperwork with no pressure . When I went to sit down , I saw that there were no longer cushioned waiting chairs but , rather , hard , wooden chairs . I have cancer in my pelvic area and it is painful for me to sit on hard surfaces for more than a few minutes ( especially now that I have less padding ) . I wrote a note to the head of the department . When the technician finally got around to checking me in , I discovered that my appointment was listed for 12 : 15 - - 45 minutes LATER than what I was told on the phone ! ! I was furious , but there was nothing to do . The manager does not work at that hour and the technician does not have the authority to shuffle patients around . I wrote another letter ( this one was not so nice ) . I had brought three shirts to sew while I waited ; they all needed buttons repaired or replaced . I had just finished the last shirt , when the technician said they could take me next . It was 12 : 00 am - midnight . The doctor who inserted the IV needle was not the one I like , but also not the one I did not like . She was new ( for me ) . When she inserted the needle , if hurt for just a few seconds , as she felt around for the vein , but then I felt fine ( and I have no residual black and blue marks , so she really was good ! ) . She also took seriously my concerns about the risk of popping my vein . When it was time to inject the contrast material , she made sure to inject it slowly . It did not hurt at all . Twenty minutes later , I was done . I waited another 10 minute for the technicians to prepare a CT . The written report would be sent to my oncologist . I was free to go . As we left , I started to feel a bit of anxiety creeping into my head . Soon , I will not be able to pretend . I will know how the tumors in my brain are responding to my current treatment . Hopefully , the news will be good . But until I read that report , I will not know . I felt completely worn out . My friend , God bless her , was wonderfully supportive . I could have talked with her all night long . But we both needed to sleep . It was almost 2 : 00 am when she dropped me off at my home . Sorry for not posting all week . We had a crazy week , but I am feeling good . We had lots of computer problems , including no internet , but very little time to write anyway . We were very busy , with nothing terribly exciting . . . . just life ! We did have a very nice , albeit quiet , Yom Ha ' Atzma ' ut ( Israeli Independence Day ) . We had planned on attending the evening celebrations at Sh ' dema , ( a former Israeli military base , about halfway between our Jerusalem neighborhood and Eastern Gush Etzion ( Tekoa , Nokdim , etc . ) ) . We did not realize , at first , that the program only began at 10 : 00 pm . Even though it is only a five minute drive from our home , the program was too late for us . Instead , our family celebrated locally , each in our own way : Our youngest daughter spent the evening with her youth group At one point , a man sat down with a lit cigarette , right in front of me . I am really sensitive to cigarette smoke ( it gives me migranes ) and I was sitting in a cluster of kids , so I gently asked him to put out the cigarette , indicating that the smoke was blowing in our faces . To my surprise , he responded with hostility ; since we were outside , he saw no reason to extinguish the cigarette . I responded , just as hotly , emphasizing that I asked him very nicely . As I geared up for a tirade of my own , I mentioned that his reaction was disappointing , as we were all celebrating together , as one community . . . . Suddenly , my friend turned to me , and pointed out " you said the magic words . . . . " Sure enough , I noticed his tone changed as he responded , " you know , we really are all celebrating together . . . I will move . " His outrage neutralized , he got up and moved a few meters away . I was stunned . My outrage . . . neutralized . A simple reminder , that all of us are " Am Echad " ( one people ) and this is OUR celebration , which we want to celebrate together . . . , made all the difference . Towards the end of the evening , my youngest found me and wanted to walk home together ( specifically , she did not want to walk home alone , even though the streets were filled with people and we live just a few houses away ) . I really wanted to stay for the fireworks . I bribed her . . . with cotton candy . I love fireworks . And I love cotton candy . So , our " deal " worked for both of us ! The next day , we all woke up to watch the Hidon HaTanach ( TheBible Quiz ) . Friends came by to watch part of it with us . I made popcorn . It was fun . Later that afternoon , we went to Moshe 's parents for a seudah ( festive meal ) . Moshe 's sister and her family were there as well . So was his sister 's best friend and her youngest daughter ( they are also ' part of the family ' ) . We had falafel , hamburgers , hotdogs , french fries , and salad ; then , for dessert , watermelon , fruit salad , and chocolate chip cookies ! Good company and good food ! ! So , I figured , maybe he would have some insight or approach that I have not thought of on my own . Also , maybe I would get a better perspective about whether my feelings are " normal . " I hoped to get some " objective " feedback about whether or not I am coping as well as I think . Then I went to meet with the psychologist . His door was closed and the substitute secretary told me to sit and wait . So , I sat and waited . . . . and waited . . . . and waited . . . . After two hours ( without exaggeration ) , I saw a friend approach the door and knock . I asked her why she knocked and she said she always knocks , adding " how else would he know I am here ? " The psychologist popped his head out and told her he would be another minute . Sure enough , less than five minutes later , he emerged from his office . I could not believe how insensitive he was . I had sat there for two hours , waiting for him . I gathered , from his responses , that I had not followed the correct procedure for making an appointment . I did not know . I was not angry about the mishap . Mistakes happen . I had my coffee - and - chemo - date with me ( triLcat ) and I enjoyed talking with her while we were waiting . I never plan anything on chemo days , so I was not upset about the delay . I am very patient at the hospital . I did not even complain to the secretaries about the wait ( though I did remind them that I was still waiting , after an hour and a half , and then , again , after two hours ) . I am glad someone was with me , to witness the interaction . I needed a reality check : Was this guy 's reaction reasonable ? Did I do something to antagonize this guy ? Am I overreracting ? Even now , writing about it , I want to cry . How can someone treat another person like that ? Especially a cancer patient ? I am not there for fun ! How can a psychologist be so incredibly insensitive ? Rochie was my main support person , when I first got diagnosed with breast cancer , in 2005 . At the time , we were just casual acquaintances . She " adopted " me , and held my hand during that frightening journey . She called me all the time , to see how I was doing and how she could help . She guided me along that scary road , and supported me unconditionally , even when I made decisions that she believed were mistakes . She recognized that I needed to choose the path that was right for me , and she was with me , every step of the way . Friday zipped by ! Friday afternoon , we saw the Israeli Jugglers show . It was a really good show . There are a lot of talented Israeli jugglers . One of the Israeli performers was not actually Israeli ( or Jewish ) . Jan , ( pronounced : Yan ) a tall , lanky German juggler , with long , straight hair , gathered in a " ponytail , " has been a regular participant at the Israeli Juggling Convenion for the last six years . He takes full advantage of his long limbs to juggle in a most unusual way . I met Jan on the first of second day of the convention . He is a very sweet , and gentle young man . His travel partner , a young German woman juggler , was equally friendly and fun . Right after the show , Moshe left to spend Shabbat with our friends ( the husband and youngest son ) on Kibbutz Sde Eliyahu . ( Moshe does not enjoy camping , so there was no question that he would not camp on Shabbat . ) I had assumed that Sachneh was an enclosed area , and that the fence surrounding the park served as an " eiruv " - - creating an enclosure and enabling the carrying of objects out of doors . It turns out , this issue is far more complicated than I expected . The eiruv can only be established if everyone agrees to it , or if the chosen head of the community ( e . g . the mayor of a city ) declares it so . Well , there are no mayors of the national parks , but my Rabbi said that the head of the convention could be considered the " mayor " for this purpose . Once again , my kibbutz friend ( who camped with us , while my husband slept at her home , along with her husband ) really enhanced our experience . I was prepared to eat Matzah and Cold Cuts for dinner . But , while I was running around trying to make sure we had an Eiruv , she prepared cooked food on a portable gas burner . We lit candles by our tent ( in an aluminum pan , as an extra precaution ) . We ate Shabbat dinner as a community . All the families in our little enclave sat in a circle . We put our food in the center , and shared our meal . It felt really special . Unfortunately , at the same time as we ate , there was a special workshop on Diabolo juggling , given by the two international guests , who are amazing Diabolo jugglers . I encourage our son , who is a serious Diabolo juggler , to attend . The workshop lasted longer than I expected , and my son rejoined us after most people were finished eating . He made his own Kiddush ( blessing over wine or grape juice , sanctifying the Shabbat ) and HaMotzi ( blessing over bread ) , and ate good food , but the " festive meal " is not the same when you are eating alone . In the morning , our family ( again , I am including my kibbutz friend ) got up at our own pace . After davening , we ate together , with just our family . It was still quite early in the day , so our festive meal was really breakfast . But since matzah is the main staple of most Pesach meals , we made Kiddush and HaMotzi before eating our breakfast . My son and I spent a few hours in the Ulam Sport ( gym ) . In addition to practicing on his Diabolo , my son was working on walking a tight rope . By Shabbat afternoon , he could walk across with no problem and was working on slightly more complex moves . In the afternoon , we had our third Shabbat meal : matzah and salami . Once again , we just ate with our family . It was a nice , quiet , relaxed meal . Then we hung out until Shabbat ended . On Motz ' ai Shabbat ( Saturday night , after Shabbat ) , Moshe rejoined us and we all went to the International Performance . The guest artists were really good . My youngest daughter heard from a friend who saw the earlier show that a lot of this show had performances that took place below the stage . So , I made sure we sat way up front . My girls complained at first , especially my eldest , because we were sitting slightly off to the side ; my eldest felt I had " forced " them out of the seats they wanted , which were much further back , but in the middle of the row . , especially my eldest . However , once the show started and she saw how great our seats were , and how well we could see the portions of the performance that were below the stage , I think she really did appreciate it . I kept whispering to her , " say ' thank you , Ima ' . . . . " , and she did ! After the show , the girls went to sleep and my son and I went back to the Ulam Sport . There we participated in a human siteswap . It was really cool . Eventually , my son tired out and went to sleep . I stayed longer , working on getting our timing right . Afterwards , I learned this wierd juggling game that the Haifa Jugglers make up . Once I figured out the game , I got bored and practiced juggling 3 balls . I turned over a few times , catching a bit more sleep each time , before I woke . Breakfast was simple and yummy . I do not have trouble finding what to eat on Pesach . I always say , " Give me matzah , butter , and salt , and I am happy . " Well , that was breakfast , and that was good enough for me ! Even eating as little as I do , I had to limit myself from eating more . I love matzah , butter , and salt ! To top it off , I had half a piece of matzah with jam . I was a very happy camper ! As soon as breakfast was over , my son headed to the ulam sport ( gym ) , to join the jugglers . I went with him to buy a new Diabolo - - he 's juggling with two now . He only had the new one during the convention ( ironically , he forgot his old one in his school locker ! ) , but he was able to borrow a second one from a friend . That 's one of the really nice things about the convention . Everyone is happy to lend you their equipment , as long as they are not using it . The atmosphere of sharing goes way beyond the equipment . In general , there are two ways that people relate to their knowledge / talents : some want to keep their knowledge to themselves , to be " better " than everyone else , and others want to share their knowledge , to teach others what they know . Everyone we met at the Israeli Juggling Convention wanted to share their knowledge . Strangers would stop what they are doing to help you perfect your technique or to teach you something new . Later in the morning , the girls and I went swimming in the " pools . " We neglected to invite my son , assuming that he preferred to practice his juggling . We were wrong . Apparently , we had made the exact same mistake last year . He was pretty understanding , though disappointed . I felt really bad about the oversight . I thought I would take him a different day , but that turned out to be the only time we went to the pools . That night , at around 11 : 00 or 12 : 00 , there was an interesting working about the mathematics of juggling , led by Daniel Shultz . I thought my son would be interested , but he wasn 't . I was . It turned out to be a workshop for " siteswap " table juggling . It was challenging , and FUN ; I really got into it . The person teaching it was American ( or maybe Canadian ) , and after the workshop he explained the background and theory to me in more detail . It was fascinating . There is a correlation between table juggling and regular juggling ; the notation is the same and each table move has a corresponding juggling move . It made me want to learn how to juggle . ( I might be the first person to learn the theory and table games before knowing how to really juggle ) At around 2 : 00 am , I decided to head for bed . On the way out , I started talking with one of the jugglers ( a teen , 17 yrs old ) about the workshop and juggling . He immediately asked , " Want to learn now ? " Ofek , from Haifa , was an excellent teacher . First , he told me to throw all the balls on the floor . Then , with a smile , he said " get used to seeing the balls on the ground , because in the beginning they will be on the ground a lot . " While he was teaching me , he told me not to pick up the balls , because I would hurt my back by bending down so often . He kept picking up the balls with his feet , which was totally cool . So , I asked him to teach me how to do that as well . Picking up the balls that way takes more coordination than I realized . You have to maneuver the ball onto your foot , using your other foot ; then quickly , before the ball rolls off , curl your toes upward to hold the ball in place . Then you have to raise your foot fast , to get the ball to rise in the air high enough , so that you can catch the ball in your hand . They make it look so easy ! Within half an hour of working with Ofek , I was able to catch the balls six times . Apparently , that makes me an " official " juggler . Ofek told me it took him three days to do that . I responded : " I clearly had a better teacher . " ( he couldn 't argue with that ! ) He 's a really good juggler , so I felt really encouraged . You might think this is normal . As we grow older , more people we know will die . Many will die from some form of cancer . But , being in the cancer world , means I get to know a lot more people who are going to die sooner , rather than later , from cancer . I am friendly by nature . Everywhere I go , I meet new people . ( In this way , I am very much like my mother . ) I have made many friends in the cancer - world . Some friends are just " cancer ward friends . " When we meet at the hospital , we are friendly . But we don 't really have a relationship outside of the hospital . When I met Betsy , she had metastasized Pancreatic Cancer . I knew that was not good . So did she . So did her husband , who was always at her side . But she was young , and healthy . It was easy to hope that she would beat the cancer , somehow . She lived for two years after her diagnosis . For Pancreatic Cancer , that is considered a long time . As I got to know Betsy , I learned that she was one of the founders of Kad Va ' Chomer , a brilliant store , where kids and adults can paint prepared pottery , and create beautiful ceramic pieces . Both my daughters have been to birthday parties there and came home with beautiful mugs and plates . ( okay , just one plate , but I couldn 't figure out how to phrase that . . . . ) When I met Betsy , she was still working there , once or twice a week . I never got to know Betsy well . We exchanged pleasantries at the hospital , but rarely talked about what she was going through , at least not in much detail . To be honest , I did not want to know . I was afraid of what she might be experiencing . She always looked great , even when she was not feeling so well . It was easy to decieve myself , to convince myself that she would be around for a while . I learned today that Betsy died just after Purim . I went back and searched my inbox ; there was an email , notifying people of her passing , and containing details about her funeral , and the shiv ' a . She left behind 6 children , all young adults ( 2 young women and 4 young men ) . Six kids who are really too young to lose their mother . She will not be here to dance at their weddings , or celebrate the births of their children , or for any of the special occasions children like to share with their parents . Maybe it is better that I did not know . It would have been emotionally difficult for me to attend . But it would also have provided some sort of closure . There were two clusters of religious families we knew , one on top of the main hill and one off to the side of the main path . We had friends in both encampments . We camped with the group off the main road , since we had coordinated with them first . It was a great little enclave ! We had our tents in a semi - circle , surrounding several machatzalot ( large woven mats ) . The main coordinator of our group even had a huge awning set up ! Most people brought chairs and there was always someone hanging out at the campsite . Thanks to my friend from kibbutz , we only schlepped up our clothes and camping equipment . She organized everything else : food , chairs and stools , mattresses , etc . I do not know how we would have managed without her ! Everyone really helped set up camp , and we were done fairly quickly . We did have a few minutes of " why can 't my tent be there ? " But when I saw that we were getting " stuck , " I just ended those conversations and made a unilateral decision about who would be where . Once we were set up , everyone was happy . Our family , and I am including my kibbutz friend in " our family , " formed a semicircle within the larger semicircle . We had 3 tents : one for my friend and I , one for the girls , and one for my son . We spread out one machatzelet in between our tents and another one in the open , communal space . Sometimes we ate on our own , and sometimes we joined together with the others . I think we found a good balance between being focused on our family and being social . When we got there , I knew the family who coordinated the group , one of the other families , and the kids from a third family ( I had never met their dad before ) . There were two other families in our little enclave , with whom we also really connected . It turns out that one of dads , who came on his own ( with his daughter ) , is triLcat 's ( LeahGG ) husband ! What a small world ! I had wanted to go swimming with the kids on that first day , but then my sister called . It turns out she was on her way up north to hike in " Nachal HaKibbutzim " ( around the corner from Sachneh , where we were camping ! ) . I knew that my eldest wanted to do that hike ( last year , she was most disappointed about not having gone hiking ) and I was not sure that I was up for any hiking . This seemed like the perfect solution ! I asked my sister if my eldest daughter could join her and my sister was thrilled to have my daughter along . Both my son and youngest daughter wanted to join as well , but there was not room for both of them . My son was very generous and deferred to his sister . He was disappointed about missing the tiyul ( hike ) with his aunt , but he understood that he would have fun juggling and his younger sister did not really participate in the juggling . I called a friend and neighbor who had told me several times that she likes it when people call to invite themselves . I really enjoy hanging out with her and we have not had so many opportunities since she returned to work full - ( + ) - time . I actually would have preferred to host her and her family , since we have been their guests several times , but that was not a viable option . So , I called her and asked if she would like guests for lunch . Not only did she invite us , she THANKED ME ! Imagine that ! She thanked me ! I really wanted to be home at night , so I could go to sleep early ! So , I called another friend who had also told me several times that she is happy to cook a meal for us on Shabbat ( weekday cooking is extremely difficult for her ) . She jumped at the opportunity , and she also THANKED ME ! ! Still , for Shabbt , I cook for my family , and for guests , when I have them . I love having guests on Shabbat . These days , since I never know how tired I will be , I often am afraid to invite people I do not know so well , lest I not be up for hosting . Occasionally , I have even gone to sleep and skipped dinner . I try not to , because Moshe and my kids really miss me . So , usually , I push myself to at least sit at the table through the main part of the meal . But , there is a good chance that this Shabbat I will not last the whole meal . I also had them pull out all our camping and juggling equipment , including what we borrowed from friends . I wanted to make sure we left on time and had everything we needed . And that preparation for our vacations created as little stress as possible . Several weeks in advance , I arranged to spend Shabbat HaGadol lunch at our friends , R & AD . The day before we left , a good friend , CV , offered to cook us chicken soup , with chicken , for Friday night dinner . So , in besides making rice and defrosting a few additional leftovers , I had plenty of time to rested on Friday . Even so , I slept most of Shabbat ! On Sunday , I finished up the laundry and all our packing . Sunday night we did a very focused " bedikat hametz . " Monday morning , we let the kids " sleep in . " My one oversight was that I forgot that we would need kosher l ' Pesach ( yes , the proper pronunciation is kosher l ' Fesach ) food for the kids on Monday . When we realized the kids had nothing to eat , we sent them out to buy some basics . Unfortunately , by that time , the mini - markets were all closed . The kids managed to purchase some potato chips at a nearby kiosk and we opened a jar of gefilte fish . It was not great , but it was enough . After they ate , we all showered . Then we packed the trunk with the bags we would not need until Chol HaMoed , and piled the rest of our bags in the back seat , over and under our kids . I also squeezed several items under my legs and held several bags on my lap . Somehow we managed . The kids were AMAZINGLY cooperative , especially considering how we packed them in like sardines ! We arrived at my Rav 's home , over an hour before hadlakat neirot ( candle lighting ) - - that is unheard of , for us ! I even had a chance to nap before Seder ! ! ( I really needed it ! ! ) The plan was to head up north right after Yom Tov , but Moshe forgot an essential item at home . so , we had to go back . It turns out that the kids and I had also left behind several non - essential items that we were very happy to pick up . So , it was a gam zu l ' tovah ( " all for the best " ) situation . Nevertheless , it did mean that , once again , we left an hour later than we had planned . A few months ago , when we spent Shabbat with my Rav ( Rabbi ) , my Rav 's wife ( who is also a friend of mine ) invited us to join them for Seder . I was so honored by the invitation ! I would have loved to accept , but we usually spend Pesach with family ( mine , when my parents are here , and Moshe 's , when my parents are not here ) . This year was no exception . We planned to be with Moshe 's family . Usually , my sister is off doing her own thing for Pesach . Our needs for Leil HaSeder ( the evening of the Seder ) are often quite different . So , I was pleasantly surprised when my sister called to say that it 's been a while since we last had Seder together , and she 'd like to spend Leil HaSeder with us . When I called to see if my sister could join us with her friend ( and former flat - mate ) , I learned that two extra guests was more than our hosting family could handle comfortably . I totally understood . Still , I really wanted to spend Pesach with my sister . I called my friend to find out if her invitation was still open , and if she would be willing to host an additional two guests . I received such a warm response ! I was so excited ( and curious ! ) about spending Pesach with their family ! There was singing , and stimulating discussions , and fun ! They sort of sped through the boring parts , which surprised me a bit , but I appreciated it . I did not expect much singing ( my Rav once made a comment that he does not like singing during davening . I LOVE singing during davening ! ) , but they sang almost everything that we sing , so I was very pleased ! And , of course , everyone contributed to the discussions . Our kids were a little quieter than usual ( not necessarily a bad thing . . . ) , but even they asked questions and sang . Moshe , of course , had several interesting side conversations with my Rav . Overall , the pace of the Seder was " just right . " Their youngest child is the cutest , most adorable , little , five - year - old girl ! She held her " haggadah " ( that she made ) over her face while she belted out the " mah nishtanah " at the beginning of the Seder , and " echad mi yodeah , " at the end . My eldest , and their youngest , formed a very special connection . It was very sweet and , apparently unusual for their daughter . All my kids have " the magic , " when it comes to little kids . My youngest spent most of her time with their daughter , who is just half a year younger . My son also found " his place , " sometimes with the older boys , and sometimes with his sisters and the younger kids . I am so glad to have had this opportunity . I love spending Pesach with our families , and I missed spending that time together with Moshe 's family . Yet , I am grateful to have shared Leil HaSeder with my sister . Moreover , it was a real treat to celebrate Pesach with my Rav and his family . As soon as chag was over , we drove to Sde Eliyahu ( a religious kibbutz in Emek Beit She ' an ) and spent the night at my friend 's home . The next morning , we went to Sachneh ( Gan HaShlosha - - a national Park in Emek Beit She ' an ) for the Israeli Jugglers Convention . We were there for five days ( four nights ) , including Shabbat . During the evening meal , they hold a modified Seder . The " Seder plate " has a thick row of charoset , stretching across the middle of the plate , representing the dry land , upon which the Jews crossed the sea . the charoset is bordered by upright stalks of celery , representing the wall created by the split sea . Behind the celery sticks are " waves " of lettuce , representing the sea . During the meal , the relevant p ' sukim ( verses ) from the Torah are read / sung , including Shirat HaYam ( The Song of the Sea ) . At the end of the meal , they sing " Echad Mi Yodea ? " ( Who Knows One ? ) , with a twist : you can 't use anything from the original song , and , preferably , not from previous years either ( making each year a bit more challenging than the last ) . It is so much fun , and creative , to find alternate answers ! ! This year , we will be celebrating with other friends , who have their own special holiday tradition . These friends bar - b - que their meal on Shvi ' i L ' Fesach ( thanks to this funky timer device , which turns on and off your gas ) . * Yummm . I always wanted to do that ! After Wednesday 's lunch experience , I took a bit more food with us on Thursday , including a big salad . We had lots of pitot ( pl . pitah ) and several buns left over from the b - b - q , and lots of snacks , so I felt fairly confident that we would be ok . Good thing , too , because the beach did not have a restaurant ! Not even a non - kosher one . We spent the day at Hof Almog ( Coral Beach ) , which is one of Israel 's National Parks Nature Reserves . Entrance is free for members of the National Parks Association ( " matmon " ) . We also received a discount of rental equipment . I ended up renting masks and snorkels for all three of our kids , though I could have managed with just two sets . In the end , my son and youngest daughter did not go in at the same time , but I did not know that in advance . I also did not realize that we could have returned one of the sets right away , and gotten a refund . Oh well . At least the money goes to a good cause ( park preservation ) . Moshe had worried about being too hot and not finding a comfortable location . But right next to the entrance , was a dug out square area , with a picnic table and stone seats , It was quite cool and breezy . In fact , even on the beach , the weather was cool and breezy . Throughout much of the day , the kids and I were cold ! Moshe made himself comfortable with a book . We dumped all our bags on the table , next to him , and headed for the water . Need I mention that the water was COLD ! ? ! Originally , I rented two sets of masks and snorkels . I had a new set for myself ( that I had bought on my previous trip to Eilat ) and my youngest had volunteered to use another mask and snorkel that we brought with us ( just before we left our home , my eldest had found my old snorkeling equipment , that had been " lost " in our storage area ) . The buckle for adjusting my old mask had rusted , so it was difficult to adjust . As soon as we entered the water , my youngest daughter had a rough time . Her mask did not seal well . Both her mask and snorkel filled with water . She ended up swallowing a lot of water and getting water in her face . The salty water burned her throat and eyes . This was not the experience I wanted her to have ! I immediately sent her , with my eldest daughter , to go rent another mask and snorkel set from the front desk . My snorkel was an older model , with a straight tube . The rented snorkels curved over the head , making it more difficult for water to enter the snorkel . Meanwhile , my son , who had entered the water for only a few minutes , was ready to get out . Besides being cold , the salt - water burned his nose , which was sore from allergies . He got out of the water before we even began . He left , just as my youngest came back with her newly rented mask and snorkel . My eldest dove right in , but my youngest was suddenly afraid . She did not want to enter the water . I realized that she was really traumatized from her earlier experience . Even though the " new " mask fit her well , with a tight seal that prevented the water from seaping in , she was afraid to put her face in the water . Now , my youngest was ready to listen , but she really needed to be coaxed into the water . I gently guided her until she felt comfortable breathing through the snorkel . Then I helped her to breath in the water , and then to swim while breathing through the snorkel . Once she agreed to try , it did not take her more than ten minutes to catch on . We swam out together , holding hands , but it was not long before she let go , eager to explore on her own . At one point , she headed back to the Northern dock , from where we started . She had not indicated that she was going and , as soon as I noticed she was missing , I signaled my eldest . We spotted her swimming back to the dock and followed after her . " Nothing , " she answered , laughing . She just wanted to adjust something . The next time she mysteriously headed back to the dock , we waited until she adjusted whatever needed adjusting and swam back to us . Then we added a few additional hand - signals to ease our underwater communication , and headed along the reef to the Southern dock . Several times , my kids were excited to spot " that thing we should be careful not to step on ! " When I was in Israel for the year , one of the girls on my program stepped on a black , spiky anemone and was in agony for days . Ironically , it is one of my strongest memories from that year . When Moshe was here for the year , he also mistakenly put his hand down on one of the black , spiky anemones . He still vividly remembers the searing pain . So we warned our kids . And they paid attention . We dried off in the sun . The kids warmed up before I did and they were hungry . I was still chilled to the bone . So , I remained in the sun while they ate . I did not mind . I was not hungry anyway . After lunch , Moshe went off to check out what was playing at the IMAX theatre . The kids played in the sand , and I took pictures of them . It was fun and carefree ! ! We made the mistake of consulting the kids first . They were REALLY DISAPPOINTED . They would have gone anyway , or done something else . But I was exhausted , as was Moshe . The kids were trying to be creative and " find a solution " ( read : an alternate plan ) . They did not want to accept that we would just be going home . Moshe would have been happy to take them out to dinner , which probably would have appeased them . But I was already nauseous , and I did not want to smell any more food . Furthermore , I was quite anxious to get on our way . Once I did the math , I realized we would not get home before nine or ten , at the earliest ! Both Moshe and I were very tired . I did not know if he would be able to drive the whole way home , and I did not want to spend another night driving when I should be sleeping . Finally , we just cut the conversation off and directed the kids to help pack the car , so we could go . There was a bit of tension , but that ended about ten minutes into the drive , when we noticed that all three kids were fast asleep . A few minutes later , so was I . We almost stopped at Yotvata , for Moshe to pick up something to eat , but the kids started stirring , so we continued on our way . About an hour later , we stopped at a Burger Ranch , but it was not Kosher . I ran around the car a few times , to get my circulation going ; then we continued on our way . We did not stop again , until we got to Ein Gedi , for another pit - stop . The kids all had a snack . And , once again , we were on our way . The drive back took an hour longer than the drive down . We got home , just before midnight . We unloaded the car , dumped all our bags in the living room , and I do not know what happened after that . Grabbing those basics turned out to be a really smart move - the restaurant did not have a Teudat Kashrut ( Kosher Certification ) . Probably the only reason for that was that they were open on Shabbat , but the bottom line is we would not purchase cooked food there . I did not need to eat anything , but the rest of my family did . We sat down at a table and ate the food , along with pretzels , cookies , and all sorts of other snack foods I had brought . Then we bought the kids , and Moshe , ice cream ( packaged , with a hechsher ) . It was not very satisfying . Suddenly , I noticed that they had a salad bar ( it had been hidden by the crowd ) . We still had some packaged salad dressing from our breakfast at Yotvata . So , we got a large plate , filled with vegetables , and everyone ( but me ) shared that . It did the trick . My family was well - fed and ready to go . We had not yet heard from them , so we figured we had plenty of time . But , as soon as we arrived at the youth hostel , they called to say they were ready to go . Since they planned to b - b - q in the desert , we wanted to follow them out there ( to Solomon 's Cavern ) . So , after a quick pit - stop , we were on our way , again . It was so much fun ! I ate more than I had in days : two beef hotdogs ( I had half a bun , then decided to skip the bread ) and a hamburger . I haven 't been hungry since then ! ( It 's been three days , and I am still full . ) The " First Rule " of the Blogosphere is : Post every day . Try doing that on chemo ! I love my loyal readers ! So for you , and you know who you are , I try to post at least 2 - 3 times a week . This blog is OPEN - - so share it with anyone you think might be interested . I want to hear what you have to say , so COMMENT FREELY ! For newcomers who know , or don 't know , me : I am a Red - Head ( to know one , is to love one ) , Zionist ( last of a dying breed ) , Idealist ( can 't help it , I still want to change the world ) , Enthusiastic People Person ( love to meet you ! ) , Mom ( my kids are EVERYTHING to me ) , Wife ( married to my best friend ) , and Cancer Survivor ( read on ! ) . Cancer History in 3 sentences or less : Diagnosed with DCIS ( stage ZERO breast cancer ) at age 39 ( June 2005 ) . Three surgeries and 2 years later ( July 2007 ) . . . I became a statistical anomaly : breast cancer mysteriously metastasized to my bones , liver and lungs . 2 years later ( July 2009 ) , we discovered metastases in my brain . Diagnosis : Cancer is a " chronic illness . " You can live with it . Translation : I hope to be on chemotherapy for a LONG time ! CODES : Y = eldest daughterMD = middle sonA = youngest daughterMIL = mother - in - lawFIL = father - in - lawSIL = sister - in - lawBIL = brother - in - law |
Maybe you do not want to tell me . Perhaps you do not want to burden me , or scare me . Maybe you just do not want to talk about it . Maybe you are too tired . I do now know what you are feeling . I respect your boundaries . I do not want to push you . I want you to know : I miss our conversations . I miss your insight . I miss your support . I am so worried about you . And so scared . I want to respect your privacy . I want to give you the space you need . I know that this is a difficult time for you . I just do not know what to do . One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord . Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky . In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand . Sometimes there were two sets of footprints , other times there were one set of footprints . This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life , when I was suffering from anguish , sorrow or defeat , I could see only one set of footprints . So I said to the Lord , " You promised me Lord , that if I followed you , you would walk with me always . But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand . Why , when I needed you most , you have not been there for me ? " The Lord replied , " The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand , is when I carried you . " The first time I read this poem , I cried . When I am overwhelmed , and feeling lost , those are the times when I can , and should , lean on God . God will carry me . Eventually , when I am ready to walk on my own , God will gently place me down . With both feet solidly on the ground , I will walk tall , because God is everpresent at my side . Regular MRIs of the brain is somewhat controversial , since constant radiation exposure to the brain can actually cause cancer . Unfortunately , there is no other way to monitor the cancer we already know is there . So , I go for a brain MRI every 3 - 4 months , since I want to know what is going on in my head . ( Yes , I know , I just opened the door for all those sarcastic comments from my dear friends and family members . . . . ) Well , due to a technical error ( i . e . either the fax never went through or Hadassah lost my papers ) , the MRI dept . did not schedule an appointment for me for this month . I finally got through to the manager , who found me an " emergency " appointment for this past motz ' ai Shabbat ( Saturday night ) , at 11 : 30 pm . I explained that I am on chemo , and the hour is really late for me , but that is all there was , unless I wanted to wait another two months . . . . NOT . So , I took the appointment . When we realized that Moshe would not be able to come with me , I again tried to move the appointment , to no avail . Sunday ( today ) he attended a full day academic conference at Haifa University , about the Dead Sea Scrolls and the Second Temple Period . He had to leave early in the morning and he needed to go to sleep early . He felt bad about not being able to take me ( he always takes me for my MRIs ) , but I pointed out that it did not make sense to lose a day of work and pay for a conference if he was going to sleep through the lectures ! Since I had encouraged him to attend the conference , I certainly was not going to be the cause of him missing it ! ( For Moshe , attending these conferences is like letting a little kid loose in a candy shop . . . he thrives on this stuff ! ! ) So , I called one of my Jerusalem friends . Jackpot ! She had rested on Shabbat , could stay out as late as necessary , had no plans for Sunday morning , and could pick me up and take me home ! To top it off , she is GREAT COMPANY ! I had so much fun hanging out with her . But the evening had a few " hitches . " I got there early enough , and was able to take care of all the paperwork with no pressure . When I went to sit down , I saw that there were no longer cushioned waiting chairs but , rather , hard , wooden chairs . I have cancer in my pelvic area and it is painful for me to sit on hard surfaces for more than a few minutes ( especially now that I have less padding ) . I wrote a note to the head of the department . When the technician finally got around to checking me in , I discovered that my appointment was listed for 12 : 15 - - 45 minutes LATER than what I was told on the phone ! ! I was furious , but there was nothing to do . The manager does not work at that hour and the technician does not have the authority to shuffle patients around . I wrote another letter ( this one was not so nice ) . I had brought three shirts to sew while I waited ; they all needed buttons repaired or replaced . I had just finished the last shirt , when the technician said they could take me next . It was 12 : 00 am - midnight . The doctor who inserted the IV needle was not the one I like , but also not the one I did not like . She was new ( for me ) . When she inserted the needle , if hurt for just a few seconds , as she felt around for the vein , but then I felt fine ( and I have no residual black and blue marks , so she really was good ! ) . She also took seriously my concerns about the risk of popping my vein . When it was time to inject the contrast material , she made sure to inject it slowly . It did not hurt at all . Twenty minutes later , I was done . I waited another 10 minute for the technicians to prepare a CT . The written report would be sent to my oncologist . I was free to go . As we left , I started to feel a bit of anxiety creeping into my head . Soon , I will not be able to pretend . I will know how the tumors in my brain are responding to my current treatment . Hopefully , the news will be good . But until I read that report , I will not know . I felt completely worn out . My friend , God bless her , was wonderfully supportive . I could have talked with her all night long . But we both needed to sleep . It was almost 2 : 00 am when she dropped me off at my home . Sorry for not posting all week . We had a crazy week , but I am feeling good . We had lots of computer problems , including no internet , but very little time to write anyway . We were very busy , with nothing terribly exciting . . . . just life ! We did have a very nice , albeit quiet , Yom Ha ' Atzma ' ut ( Israeli Independence Day ) . We had planned on attending the evening celebrations at Sh ' dema , ( a former Israeli military base , about halfway between our Jerusalem neighborhood and Eastern Gush Etzion ( Tekoa , Nokdim , etc . ) ) . We did not realize , at first , that the program only began at 10 : 00 pm . Even though it is only a five minute drive from our home , the program was too late for us . Instead , our family celebrated locally , each in our own way : Our youngest daughter spent the evening with her youth group At one point , a man sat down with a lit cigarette , right in front of me . I am really sensitive to cigarette smoke ( it gives me migranes ) and I was sitting in a cluster of kids , so I gently asked him to put out the cigarette , indicating that the smoke was blowing in our faces . To my surprise , he responded with hostility ; since we were outside , he saw no reason to extinguish the cigarette . I responded , just as hotly , emphasizing that I asked him very nicely . As I geared up for a tirade of my own , I mentioned that his reaction was disappointing , as we were all celebrating together , as one community . . . . Suddenly , my friend turned to me , and pointed out " you said the magic words . . . . " Sure enough , I noticed his tone changed as he responded , " you know , we really are all celebrating together . . . I will move . " His outrage neutralized , he got up and moved a few meters away . I was stunned . My outrage . . . neutralized . A simple reminder , that all of us are " Am Echad " ( one people ) and this is OUR celebration , which we want to celebrate together . . . , made all the difference . Towards the end of the evening , my youngest found me and wanted to walk home together ( specifically , she did not want to walk home alone , even though the streets were filled with people and we live just a few houses away ) . I really wanted to stay for the fireworks . I bribed her . . . with cotton candy . I love fireworks . And I love cotton candy . So , our " deal " worked for both of us ! The next day , we all woke up to watch the Hidon HaTanach ( TheBible Quiz ) . Friends came by to watch part of it with us . I made popcorn . It was fun . Later that afternoon , we went to Moshe 's parents for a seudah ( festive meal ) . Moshe 's sister and her family were there as well . So was his sister 's best friend and her youngest daughter ( they are also ' part of the family ' ) . We had falafel , hamburgers , hotdogs , french fries , and salad ; then , for dessert , watermelon , fruit salad , and chocolate chip cookies ! Good company and good food ! ! So , I figured , maybe he would have some insight or approach that I have not thought of on my own . Also , maybe I would get a better perspective about whether my feelings are " normal . " I hoped to get some " objective " feedback about whether or not I am coping as well as I think . Then I went to meet with the psychologist . His door was closed and the substitute secretary told me to sit and wait . So , I sat and waited . . . . and waited . . . . and waited . . . . After two hours ( without exaggeration ) , I saw a friend approach the door and knock . I asked her why she knocked and she said she always knocks , adding " how else would he know I am here ? " The psychologist popped his head out and told her he would be another minute . Sure enough , less than five minutes later , he emerged from his office . I could not believe how insensitive he was . I had sat there for two hours , waiting for him . I gathered , from his responses , that I had not followed the correct procedure for making an appointment . I did not know . I was not angry about the mishap . Mistakes happen . I had my coffee - and - chemo - date with me ( triLcat ) and I enjoyed talking with her while we were waiting . I never plan anything on chemo days , so I was not upset about the delay . I am very patient at the hospital . I did not even complain to the secretaries about the wait ( though I did remind them that I was still waiting , after an hour and a half , and then , again , after two hours ) . I am glad someone was with me , to witness the interaction . I needed a reality check : Was this guy 's reaction reasonable ? Did I do something to antagonize this guy ? Am I overreracting ? Even now , writing about it , I want to cry . How can someone treat another person like that ? Especially a cancer patient ? I am not there for fun ! How can a psychologist be so incredibly insensitive ? Rochie was my main support person , when I first got diagnosed with breast cancer , in 2005 . At the time , we were just casual acquaintances . She " adopted " me , and held my hand during that frightening journey . She called me all the time , to see how I was doing and how she could help . She guided me along that scary road , and supported me unconditionally , even when I made decisions that she believed were mistakes . She recognized that I needed to choose the path that was right for me , and she was with me , every step of the way . Friday zipped by ! Friday afternoon , we saw the Israeli Jugglers show . It was a really good show . There are a lot of talented Israeli jugglers . One of the Israeli performers was not actually Israeli ( or Jewish ) . Jan , ( pronounced : Yan ) a tall , lanky German juggler , with long , straight hair , gathered in a " ponytail , " has been a regular participant at the Israeli Juggling Convenion for the last six years . He takes full advantage of his long limbs to juggle in a most unusual way . I met Jan on the first of second day of the convention . He is a very sweet , and gentle young man . His travel partner , a young German woman juggler , was equally friendly and fun . Right after the show , Moshe left to spend Shabbat with our friends ( the husband and youngest son ) on Kibbutz Sde Eliyahu . ( Moshe does not enjoy camping , so there was no question that he would not camp on Shabbat . ) I had assumed that Sachneh was an enclosed area , and that the fence surrounding the park served as an " eiruv " - - creating an enclosure and enabling the carrying of objects out of doors . It turns out , this issue is far more complicated than I expected . The eiruv can only be established if everyone agrees to it , or if the chosen head of the community ( e . g . the mayor of a city ) declares it so . Well , there are no mayors of the national parks , but my Rabbi said that the head of the convention could be considered the " mayor " for this purpose . Once again , my kibbutz friend ( who camped with us , while my husband slept at her home , along with her husband ) really enhanced our experience . I was prepared to eat Matzah and Cold Cuts for dinner . But , while I was running around trying to make sure we had an Eiruv , she prepared cooked food on a portable gas burner . We lit candles by our tent ( in an aluminum pan , as an extra precaution ) . We ate Shabbat dinner as a community . All the families in our little enclave sat in a circle . We put our food in the center , and shared our meal . It felt really special . Unfortunately , at the same time as we ate , there was a special workshop on Diabolo juggling , given by the two international guests , who are amazing Diabolo jugglers . I encourage our son , who is a serious Diabolo juggler , to attend . The workshop lasted longer than I expected , and my son rejoined us after most people were finished eating . He made his own Kiddush ( blessing over wine or grape juice , sanctifying the Shabbat ) and HaMotzi ( blessing over bread ) , and ate good food , but the " festive meal " is not the same when you are eating alone . In the morning , our family ( again , I am including my kibbutz friend ) got up at our own pace . After davening , we ate together , with just our family . It was still quite early in the day , so our festive meal was really breakfast . But since matzah is the main staple of most Pesach meals , we made Kiddush and HaMotzi before eating our breakfast . My son and I spent a few hours in the Ulam Sport ( gym ) . In addition to practicing on his Diabolo , my son was working on walking a tight rope . By Shabbat afternoon , he could walk across with no problem and was working on slightly more complex moves . In the afternoon , we had our third Shabbat meal : matzah and salami . Once again , we just ate with our family . It was a nice , quiet , relaxed meal . Then we hung out until Shabbat ended . On Motz ' ai Shabbat ( Saturday night , after Shabbat ) , Moshe rejoined us and we all went to the International Performance . The guest artists were really good . My youngest daughter heard from a friend who saw the earlier show that a lot of this show had performances that took place below the stage . So , I made sure we sat way up front . My girls complained at first , especially my eldest , because we were sitting slightly off to the side ; my eldest felt I had " forced " them out of the seats they wanted , which were much further back , but in the middle of the row . , especially my eldest . However , once the show started and she saw how great our seats were , and how well we could see the portions of the performance that were below the stage , I think she really did appreciate it . I kept whispering to her , " say ' thank you , Ima ' . . . . " , and she did ! After the show , the girls went to sleep and my son and I went back to the Ulam Sport . There we participated in a human siteswap . It was really cool . Eventually , my son tired out and went to sleep . I stayed longer , working on getting our timing right . Afterwards , I learned this wierd juggling game that the Haifa Jugglers make up . Once I figured out the game , I got bored and practiced juggling 3 balls . I turned over a few times , catching a bit more sleep each time , before I woke . Breakfast was simple and yummy . I do not have trouble finding what to eat on Pesach . I always say , " Give me matzah , butter , and salt , and I am happy . " Well , that was breakfast , and that was good enough for me ! Even eating as little as I do , I had to limit myself from eating more . I love matzah , butter , and salt ! To top it off , I had half a piece of matzah with jam . I was a very happy camper ! As soon as breakfast was over , my son headed to the ulam sport ( gym ) , to join the jugglers . I went with him to buy a new Diabolo - - he 's juggling with two now . He only had the new one during the convention ( ironically , he forgot his old one in his school locker ! ) , but he was able to borrow a second one from a friend . That 's one of the really nice things about the convention . Everyone is happy to lend you their equipment , as long as they are not using it . The atmosphere of sharing goes way beyond the equipment . In general , there are two ways that people relate to their knowledge / talents : some want to keep their knowledge to themselves , to be " better " than everyone else , and others want to share their knowledge , to teach others what they know . Everyone we met at the Israeli Juggling Convention wanted to share their knowledge . Strangers would stop what they are doing to help you perfect your technique or to teach you something new . Later in the morning , the girls and I went swimming in the " pools . " We neglected to invite my son , assuming that he preferred to practice his juggling . We were wrong . Apparently , we had made the exact same mistake last year . He was pretty understanding , though disappointed . I felt really bad about the oversight . I thought I would take him a different day , but that turned out to be the only time we went to the pools . That night , at around 11 : 00 or 12 : 00 , there was an interesting working about the mathematics of juggling , led by Daniel Shultz . I thought my son would be interested , but he wasn 't . I was . It turned out to be a workshop for " siteswap " table juggling . It was challenging , and FUN ; I really got into it . The person teaching it was American ( or maybe Canadian ) , and after the workshop he explained the background and theory to me in more detail . It was fascinating . There is a correlation between table juggling and regular juggling ; the notation is the same and each table move has a corresponding juggling move . It made me want to learn how to juggle . ( I might be the first person to learn the theory and table games before knowing how to really juggle ) At around 2 : 00 am , I decided to head for bed . On the way out , I started talking with one of the jugglers ( a teen , 17 yrs old ) about the workshop and juggling . He immediately asked , " Want to learn now ? " Ofek , from Haifa , was an excellent teacher . First , he told me to throw all the balls on the floor . Then , with a smile , he said " get used to seeing the balls on the ground , because in the beginning they will be on the ground a lot . " While he was teaching me , he told me not to pick up the balls , because I would hurt my back by bending down so often . He kept picking up the balls with his feet , which was totally cool . So , I asked him to teach me how to do that as well . Picking up the balls that way takes more coordination than I realized . You have to maneuver the ball onto your foot , using your other foot ; then quickly , before the ball rolls off , curl your toes upward to hold the ball in place . Then you have to raise your foot fast , to get the ball to rise in the air high enough , so that you can catch the ball in your hand . They make it look so easy ! Within half an hour of working with Ofek , I was able to catch the balls six times . Apparently , that makes me an " official " juggler . Ofek told me it took him three days to do that . I responded : " I clearly had a better teacher . " ( he couldn 't argue with that ! ) He 's a really good juggler , so I felt really encouraged . You might think this is normal . As we grow older , more people we know will die . Many will die from some form of cancer . But , being in the cancer world , means I get to know a lot more people who are going to die sooner , rather than later , from cancer . I am friendly by nature . Everywhere I go , I meet new people . ( In this way , I am very much like my mother . ) I have made many friends in the cancer - world . Some friends are just " cancer ward friends . " When we meet at the hospital , we are friendly . But we don 't really have a relationship outside of the hospital . When I met Betsy , she had metastasized Pancreatic Cancer . I knew that was not good . So did she . So did her husband , who was always at her side . But she was young , and healthy . It was easy to hope that she would beat the cancer , somehow . She lived for two years after her diagnosis . For Pancreatic Cancer , that is considered a long time . As I got to know Betsy , I learned that she was one of the founders of Kad Va ' Chomer , a brilliant store , where kids and adults can paint prepared pottery , and create beautiful ceramic pieces . Both my daughters have been to birthday parties there and came home with beautiful mugs and plates . ( okay , just one plate , but I couldn 't figure out how to phrase that . . . . ) When I met Betsy , she was still working there , once or twice a week . I never got to know Betsy well . We exchanged pleasantries at the hospital , but rarely talked about what she was going through , at least not in much detail . To be honest , I did not want to know . I was afraid of what she might be experiencing . She always looked great , even when she was not feeling so well . It was easy to decieve myself , to convince myself that she would be around for a while . I learned today that Betsy died just after Purim . I went back and searched my inbox ; there was an email , notifying people of her passing , and containing details about her funeral , and the shiv ' a . She left behind 6 children , all young adults ( 2 young women and 4 young men ) . Six kids who are really too young to lose their mother . She will not be here to dance at their weddings , or celebrate the births of their children , or for any of the special occasions children like to share with their parents . Maybe it is better that I did not know . It would have been emotionally difficult for me to attend . But it would also have provided some sort of closure . There were two clusters of religious families we knew , one on top of the main hill and one off to the side of the main path . We had friends in both encampments . We camped with the group off the main road , since we had coordinated with them first . It was a great little enclave ! We had our tents in a semi - circle , surrounding several machatzalot ( large woven mats ) . The main coordinator of our group even had a huge awning set up ! Most people brought chairs and there was always someone hanging out at the campsite . Thanks to my friend from kibbutz , we only schlepped up our clothes and camping equipment . She organized everything else : food , chairs and stools , mattresses , etc . I do not know how we would have managed without her ! Everyone really helped set up camp , and we were done fairly quickly . We did have a few minutes of " why can 't my tent be there ? " But when I saw that we were getting " stuck , " I just ended those conversations and made a unilateral decision about who would be where . Once we were set up , everyone was happy . Our family , and I am including my kibbutz friend in " our family , " formed a semicircle within the larger semicircle . We had 3 tents : one for my friend and I , one for the girls , and one for my son . We spread out one machatzelet in between our tents and another one in the open , communal space . Sometimes we ate on our own , and sometimes we joined together with the others . I think we found a good balance between being focused on our family and being social . When we got there , I knew the family who coordinated the group , one of the other families , and the kids from a third family ( I had never met their dad before ) . There were two other families in our little enclave , with whom we also really connected . It turns out that one of dads , who came on his own ( with his daughter ) , is triLcat 's ( LeahGG ) husband ! What a small world ! I had wanted to go swimming with the kids on that first day , but then my sister called . It turns out she was on her way up north to hike in " Nachal HaKibbutzim " ( around the corner from Sachneh , where we were camping ! ) . I knew that my eldest wanted to do that hike ( last year , she was most disappointed about not having gone hiking ) and I was not sure that I was up for any hiking . This seemed like the perfect solution ! I asked my sister if my eldest daughter could join her and my sister was thrilled to have my daughter along . Both my son and youngest daughter wanted to join as well , but there was not room for both of them . My son was very generous and deferred to his sister . He was disappointed about missing the tiyul ( hike ) with his aunt , but he understood that he would have fun juggling and his younger sister did not really participate in the juggling . I called a friend and neighbor who had told me several times that she likes it when people call to invite themselves . I really enjoy hanging out with her and we have not had so many opportunities since she returned to work full - ( + ) - time . I actually would have preferred to host her and her family , since we have been their guests several times , but that was not a viable option . So , I called her and asked if she would like guests for lunch . Not only did she invite us , she THANKED ME ! Imagine that ! She thanked me ! I really wanted to be home at night , so I could go to sleep early ! So , I called another friend who had also told me several times that she is happy to cook a meal for us on Shabbat ( weekday cooking is extremely difficult for her ) . She jumped at the opportunity , and she also THANKED ME ! ! Still , for Shabbt , I cook for my family , and for guests , when I have them . I love having guests on Shabbat . These days , since I never know how tired I will be , I often am afraid to invite people I do not know so well , lest I not be up for hosting . Occasionally , I have even gone to sleep and skipped dinner . I try not to , because Moshe and my kids really miss me . So , usually , I push myself to at least sit at the table through the main part of the meal . But , there is a good chance that this Shabbat I will not last the whole meal . I also had them pull out all our camping and juggling equipment , including what we borrowed from friends . I wanted to make sure we left on time and had everything we needed . And that preparation for our vacations created as little stress as possible . Several weeks in advance , I arranged to spend Shabbat HaGadol lunch at our friends , R & AD . The day before we left , a good friend , CV , offered to cook us chicken soup , with chicken , for Friday night dinner . So , in besides making rice and defrosting a few additional leftovers , I had plenty of time to rested on Friday . Even so , I slept most of Shabbat ! On Sunday , I finished up the laundry and all our packing . Sunday night we did a very focused " bedikat hametz . " Monday morning , we let the kids " sleep in . " My one oversight was that I forgot that we would need kosher l ' Pesach ( yes , the proper pronunciation is kosher l ' Fesach ) food for the kids on Monday . When we realized the kids had nothing to eat , we sent them out to buy some basics . Unfortunately , by that time , the mini - markets were all closed . The kids managed to purchase some potato chips at a nearby kiosk and we opened a jar of gefilte fish . It was not great , but it was enough . After they ate , we all showered . Then we packed the trunk with the bags we would not need until Chol HaMoed , and piled the rest of our bags in the back seat , over and under our kids . I also squeezed several items under my legs and held several bags on my lap . Somehow we managed . The kids were AMAZINGLY cooperative , especially considering how we packed them in like sardines ! We arrived at my Rav 's home , over an hour before hadlakat neirot ( candle lighting ) - - that is unheard of , for us ! I even had a chance to nap before Seder ! ! ( I really needed it ! ! ) The plan was to head up north right after Yom Tov , but Moshe forgot an essential item at home . so , we had to go back . It turns out that the kids and I had also left behind several non - essential items that we were very happy to pick up . So , it was a gam zu l ' tovah ( " all for the best " ) situation . Nevertheless , it did mean that , once again , we left an hour later than we had planned . A few months ago , when we spent Shabbat with my Rav ( Rabbi ) , my Rav 's wife ( who is also a friend of mine ) invited us to join them for Seder . I was so honored by the invitation ! I would have loved to accept , but we usually spend Pesach with family ( mine , when my parents are here , and Moshe 's , when my parents are not here ) . This year was no exception . We planned to be with Moshe 's family . Usually , my sister is off doing her own thing for Pesach . Our needs for Leil HaSeder ( the evening of the Seder ) are often quite different . So , I was pleasantly surprised when my sister called to say that it 's been a while since we last had Seder together , and she 'd like to spend Leil HaSeder with us . When I called to see if my sister could join us with her friend ( and former flat - mate ) , I learned that two extra guests was more than our hosting family could handle comfortably . I totally understood . Still , I really wanted to spend Pesach with my sister . I called my friend to find out if her invitation was still open , and if she would be willing to host an additional two guests . I received such a warm response ! I was so excited ( and curious ! ) about spending Pesach with their family ! There was singing , and stimulating discussions , and fun ! They sort of sped through the boring parts , which surprised me a bit , but I appreciated it . I did not expect much singing ( my Rav once made a comment that he does not like singing during davening . I LOVE singing during davening ! ) , but they sang almost everything that we sing , so I was very pleased ! And , of course , everyone contributed to the discussions . Our kids were a little quieter than usual ( not necessarily a bad thing . . . ) , but even they asked questions and sang . Moshe , of course , had several interesting side conversations with my Rav . Overall , the pace of the Seder was " just right . " Their youngest child is the cutest , most adorable , little , five - year - old girl ! She held her " haggadah " ( that she made ) over her face while she belted out the " mah nishtanah " at the beginning of the Seder , and " echad mi yodeah , " at the end . My eldest , and their youngest , formed a very special connection . It was very sweet and , apparently unusual for their daughter . All my kids have " the magic , " when it comes to little kids . My youngest spent most of her time with their daughter , who is just half a year younger . My son also found " his place , " sometimes with the older boys , and sometimes with his sisters and the younger kids . I am so glad to have had this opportunity . I love spending Pesach with our families , and I missed spending that time together with Moshe 's family . Yet , I am grateful to have shared Leil HaSeder with my sister . Moreover , it was a real treat to celebrate Pesach with my Rav and his family . As soon as chag was over , we drove to Sde Eliyahu ( a religious kibbutz in Emek Beit She ' an ) and spent the night at my friend 's home . The next morning , we went to Sachneh ( Gan HaShlosha - - a national Park in Emek Beit She ' an ) for the Israeli Jugglers Convention . We were there for five days ( four nights ) , including Shabbat . During the evening meal , they hold a modified Seder . The " Seder plate " has a thick row of charoset , stretching across the middle of the plate , representing the dry land , upon which the Jews crossed the sea . the charoset is bordered by upright stalks of celery , representing the wall created by the split sea . Behind the celery sticks are " waves " of lettuce , representing the sea . During the meal , the relevant p ' sukim ( verses ) from the Torah are read / sung , including Shirat HaYam ( The Song of the Sea ) . At the end of the meal , they sing " Echad Mi Yodea ? " ( Who Knows One ? ) , with a twist : you can 't use anything from the original song , and , preferably , not from previous years either ( making each year a bit more challenging than the last ) . It is so much fun , and creative , to find alternate answers ! ! This year , we will be celebrating with other friends , who have their own special holiday tradition . These friends bar - b - que their meal on Shvi ' i L ' Fesach ( thanks to this funky timer device , which turns on and off your gas ) . * Yummm . I always wanted to do that ! After Wednesday 's lunch experience , I took a bit more food with us on Thursday , including a big salad . We had lots of pitot ( pl . pitah ) and several buns left over from the b - b - q , and lots of snacks , so I felt fairly confident that we would be ok . Good thing , too , because the beach did not have a restaurant ! Not even a non - kosher one . We spent the day at Hof Almog ( Coral Beach ) , which is one of Israel 's National Parks Nature Reserves . Entrance is free for members of the National Parks Association ( " matmon " ) . We also received a discount of rental equipment . I ended up renting masks and snorkels for all three of our kids , though I could have managed with just two sets . In the end , my son and youngest daughter did not go in at the same time , but I did not know that in advance . I also did not realize that we could have returned one of the sets right away , and gotten a refund . Oh well . At least the money goes to a good cause ( park preservation ) . Moshe had worried about being too hot and not finding a comfortable location . But right next to the entrance , was a dug out square area , with a picnic table and stone seats , It was quite cool and breezy . In fact , even on the beach , the weather was cool and breezy . Throughout much of the day , the kids and I were cold ! Moshe made himself comfortable with a book . We dumped all our bags on the table , next to him , and headed for the water . Need I mention that the water was COLD ! ? ! Originally , I rented two sets of masks and snorkels . I had a new set for myself ( that I had bought on my previous trip to Eilat ) and my youngest had volunteered to use another mask and snorkel that we brought with us ( just before we left our home , my eldest had found my old snorkeling equipment , that had been " lost " in our storage area ) . The buckle for adjusting my old mask had rusted , so it was difficult to adjust . As soon as we entered the water , my youngest daughter had a rough time . Her mask did not seal well . Both her mask and snorkel filled with water . She ended up swallowing a lot of water and getting water in her face . The salty water burned her throat and eyes . This was not the experience I wanted her to have ! I immediately sent her , with my eldest daughter , to go rent another mask and snorkel set from the front desk . My snorkel was an older model , with a straight tube . The rented snorkels curved over the head , making it more difficult for water to enter the snorkel . Meanwhile , my son , who had entered the water for only a few minutes , was ready to get out . Besides being cold , the salt - water burned his nose , which was sore from allergies . He got out of the water before we even began . He left , just as my youngest came back with her newly rented mask and snorkel . My eldest dove right in , but my youngest was suddenly afraid . She did not want to enter the water . I realized that she was really traumatized from her earlier experience . Even though the " new " mask fit her well , with a tight seal that prevented the water from seaping in , she was afraid to put her face in the water . Now , my youngest was ready to listen , but she really needed to be coaxed into the water . I gently guided her until she felt comfortable breathing through the snorkel . Then I helped her to breath in the water , and then to swim while breathing through the snorkel . Once she agreed to try , it did not take her more than ten minutes to catch on . We swam out together , holding hands , but it was not long before she let go , eager to explore on her own . At one point , she headed back to the Northern dock , from where we started . She had not indicated that she was going and , as soon as I noticed she was missing , I signaled my eldest . We spotted her swimming back to the dock and followed after her . " Nothing , " she answered , laughing . She just wanted to adjust something . The next time she mysteriously headed back to the dock , we waited until she adjusted whatever needed adjusting and swam back to us . Then we added a few additional hand - signals to ease our underwater communication , and headed along the reef to the Southern dock . Several times , my kids were excited to spot " that thing we should be careful not to step on ! " When I was in Israel for the year , one of the girls on my program stepped on a black , spiky anemone and was in agony for days . Ironically , it is one of my strongest memories from that year . When Moshe was here for the year , he also mistakenly put his hand down on one of the black , spiky anemones . He still vividly remembers the searing pain . So we warned our kids . And they paid attention . We dried off in the sun . The kids warmed up before I did and they were hungry . I was still chilled to the bone . So , I remained in the sun while they ate . I did not mind . I was not hungry anyway . After lunch , Moshe went off to check out what was playing at the IMAX theatre . The kids played in the sand , and I took pictures of them . It was fun and carefree ! ! We made the mistake of consulting the kids first . They were REALLY DISAPPOINTED . They would have gone anyway , or done something else . But I was exhausted , as was Moshe . The kids were trying to be creative and " find a solution " ( read : an alternate plan ) . They did not want to accept that we would just be going home . Moshe would have been happy to take them out to dinner , which probably would have appeased them . But I was already nauseous , and I did not want to smell any more food . Furthermore , I was quite anxious to get on our way . Once I did the math , I realized we would not get home before nine or ten , at the earliest ! Both Moshe and I were very tired . I did not know if he would be able to drive the whole way home , and I did not want to spend another night driving when I should be sleeping . Finally , we just cut the conversation off and directed the kids to help pack the car , so we could go . There was a bit of tension , but that ended about ten minutes into the drive , when we noticed that all three kids were fast asleep . A few minutes later , so was I . We almost stopped at Yotvata , for Moshe to pick up something to eat , but the kids started stirring , so we continued on our way . About an hour later , we stopped at a Burger Ranch , but it was not Kosher . I ran around the car a few times , to get my circulation going ; then we continued on our way . We did not stop again , until we got to Ein Gedi , for another pit - stop . The kids all had a snack . And , once again , we were on our way . The drive back took an hour longer than the drive down . We got home , just before midnight . We unloaded the car , dumped all our bags in the living room , and I do not know what happened after that . Grabbing those basics turned out to be a really smart move - the restaurant did not have a Teudat Kashrut ( Kosher Certification ) . Probably the only reason for that was that they were open on Shabbat , but the bottom line is we would not purchase cooked food there . I did not need to eat anything , but the rest of my family did . We sat down at a table and ate the food , along with pretzels , cookies , and all sorts of other snack foods I had brought . Then we bought the kids , and Moshe , ice cream ( packaged , with a hechsher ) . It was not very satisfying . Suddenly , I noticed that they had a salad bar ( it had been hidden by the crowd ) . We still had some packaged salad dressing from our breakfast at Yotvata . So , we got a large plate , filled with vegetables , and everyone ( but me ) shared that . It did the trick . My family was well - fed and ready to go . We had not yet heard from them , so we figured we had plenty of time . But , as soon as we arrived at the youth hostel , they called to say they were ready to go . Since they planned to b - b - q in the desert , we wanted to follow them out there ( to Solomon 's Cavern ) . So , after a quick pit - stop , we were on our way , again . It was so much fun ! I ate more than I had in days : two beef hotdogs ( I had half a bun , then decided to skip the bread ) and a hamburger . I haven 't been hungry since then ! ( It 's been three days , and I am still full . ) The " First Rule " of the Blogosphere is : Post every day . Try doing that on chemo ! I love my loyal readers ! So for you , and you know who you are , I try to post at least 2 - 3 times a week . This blog is OPEN - - so share it with anyone you think might be interested . I want to hear what you have to say , so COMMENT FREELY ! For newcomers who know , or don 't know , me : I am a Red - Head ( to know one , is to love one ) , Zionist ( last of a dying breed ) , Idealist ( can 't help it , I still want to change the world ) , Enthusiastic People Person ( love to meet you ! ) , Mom ( my kids are EVERYTHING to me ) , Wife ( married to my best friend ) , and Cancer Survivor ( read on ! ) . Cancer History in 3 sentences or less : Diagnosed with DCIS ( stage ZERO breast cancer ) at age 39 ( June 2005 ) . Three surgeries and 2 years later ( July 2007 ) . . . I became a statistical anomaly : breast cancer mysteriously metastasized to my bones , liver and lungs . 2 years later ( July 2009 ) , we discovered metastases in my brain . Diagnosis : Cancer is a " chronic illness . " You can live with it . Translation : I hope to be on chemotherapy for a LONG time ! CODES : Y = eldest daughterMD = middle sonA = youngest daughterMIL = mother - in - lawFIL = father - in - lawSIL = sister - in - lawBIL = brother - in - law |
It was 40 deg . on the screen porch this morning , so I didn 't let the cats out there . But the forecast was for 70 deg , so I dressed in layers . I knew that I had to take Jay to the next town , and we had quite a few errands . Jay had to go all the way to the south end of Conroe to pay a bill , so I did what I usually do when he is doing that , go next door to Krogers and shop for bargains . I bought some Dill Dip , I love dill in any form . I had bought some Dill Seasoning when in Vancouver , Canada , that got me hooked . We used it for a long time when we got back to TX . Then McCormick had a spice called " It 's A Dilly " , it is not just Dill Weed , and we wouldn 't think of eating eggs or avocado without it . Then McCormick discontinued it , and I can 't get it anymore . Milk was on my list , too . We had the little insulated bag with us , but hadn 't put a cold pack in it . On top of that , we had been delayed at a couple of stops . I was worried about my milk and dip , as the weather had warmed up enough that we had to take our long sleeves off . Low and behold , at one of the thrift shops was a Car Cooler , that cools or warms on 12v . That will be a handy thing to keep in the car . Also there was a swan made of pine needles . We were talking about some of the beautiful things that people weave out of pine needles on RV - Dreams chat the other night . It will be something different in my swan collection over the front patio door . Another think I bought was a campfire sandwich maker . The kitchen and computer area still need some straightening out , after the alterations that we have done . At least both areas are operational now as I finally got everything hooked up and working ! These are two hospital tables that I already had , and they adjust in height . I have the wide one for the monitor and keyboard , the narrow one for the laptop , and it will raise up all the way to clear the little drawer unit , so to have access to it . Golly there were a lot of wires to hook up , today ! Posted by Jay helped me move my two desks , again , as I had to add one more little drawer unit in the corner to fill in a space . While we were at it , I disconnected the PC and the printer , so we could give that corner a good clean first . Oh , what a tangled web we weave , when first we disconnect a PC " ! I couldn 't believe how many extra wires I had attached to the PC over the years ! Printer , router , phone line , cable modem , camera cord , AA camera battery charger , two speakers , etc . Not counting all the regular cords . Most of all , I couldn 't believe that I know where they all go ! ! Jay vacuumed and shampooed that corner while I started grooming Mikey . Ray installed the electrical part of the dishwasher permanently . Then he installed a new light that I picked up off Lowes bargain table , over the vice on the work bench . Jay and I worked on the little drawer unit that I wanted to put in the corner of the desks , then I took him home , so that I could finally bathe and finish grooming Mikey . Just as I got back from taking Mikey home , the skies opened up , and it just came down in a gully whomper . Then I got a phone call that someone had left a mama dog tied to a tree , she was all tangled up , with no shelter for her or her pups , and she was howling in despair . This was at the same house where I had rescued Debo from the same fate , when it was freezing cold outside last winter . We had had some bad thunder and lightening , even the cable had been out for a while , and Humane Society and Animal Control 's phones were out . I called the local police , and they said they would get in touch with Animal Control . Why do people , ( if you can can call them that ) , have animals if they are going to treat them like that ? I wish a judge would order them to be tied to a tree for weeks on end . Ray , Jay and I got the Haier dishwasher in and out of it 's space , it is a tight fit , and installed the new water supply line . The new line doesn 't leak . When I loaded some dishes in it , it seemed like it was never going to stop washing , and go ahead and drain . I thought that maybe the timer was bad , so I changed my clothes , ready to go to town to buy another dishwasher . But it did finally drain . I won 't put it on ' long ' wash again , as my dishes are rinsed off before they go in there . It is just the right size for me , and it will give me more storage space , too , since I took the regular size one out . Jay and I went into town anyway , as we had several things to do . I wanted to exchange the little cordless vac that I had bought the other day . I decided I needed the more expensive one , as it has a little brush and crevice tool . It is a lot heavier as it has a more powerful motor , but it will do a better job . This time I got a Shark , and the one I wanted was cheaper at Lowes than WalMart ! ! WalMart is now offering Windows 7 computers . I am so tired of all the wires going to and from my desktop , that I have been looking at laptops again at different stores . When we got home , Jay helped me moved some furniture around in the computer area , so that I will have two desks in an " L " . Now that I have the router , I can have both computers going at the same time , and just swivel my chair around . It still needs a bit of tweaking , as I have to move one more little chest of drawers , so that area is a mess as well as the kitchen . I can 't put all my kitchen things away yet , as Ray still has to permanently install the power source . Great weather today , not hot , not cold , no rain . What more could one ask for ? I drove down and picked up Jay and Muffie again today . Ray was waiting to paint the board that goes in between the Haier dishwasher and the cupboard that will be built in next to it , but that never happened . Jay was so busy trying to get the plumbing and other measurements right , that he never did cut it . He just can 't think like he used to . So Ray spent his time working on the drawer that will go under it , and cleaning AC filters , air cleaners , and ceiling fans . There were a lot of other things waiting to be fixed in the work shop , so he tackled some of them , too . Always something to do around here . This is as far as we got with the dishwasher . It was taken out a couple of times , as once there was a water leak at the dishwasher end , and then there was one at the water cut - off end , which meant I had to into town to buy new dishwasher hose . So it still isn 't working yet . But we can already see how much less room the door will take up in the aisle when it is open ! The foster cats were locked up in their cages , while I started to groomed Muffie . But I was going backwards and forwards so much to help Jay , that I didn 't get her completely done until later in the afternoon . Her " Dad " didn 't mind , as he had gone to the American Legion for the day . I had let the cats out at lunch time , so by the time Muffie and I got back in there , they sat in the grooming room watching me . " Prime " didn 't even seem upset by Muffie this time . I think , given time , they would be friends . It was raining hard , but I drove down and got Jay , and Muffie , his neighbor 's dog , as I was supposed to groom her today . We all got wet . I had to change into my waterproof boots to paddle through the puddles , before I could even take the trash out to the road . Jay cut a hole , with a hole saw , in the bottom of the little dishwsher for the drain , as it used to be a portable . Ray did some more painting on the cabinet drawer and door that we will be installing . To get the dishwasher drain off the disposal we had to take everything out from under the sink , so it was a good time to disconnect the sprayer , and install the soap dispenser . I never used the sprayer , as I have a fancy swivel one that I added to the faucet , and always used that to rinse the sink . The contractors who finished my house had done such a lousy job that we were going to have to drive into the next town to buy a new faucet , and also get parts for Claudia . I took Muffie home , and said that I would have to do her another day . The main road below me was flooded , so we had to drive around the long way . Claudia 's water heater plumbing had sprung a leak last night , and from the way it was spraying , it was flooding her bathroom , and not going in the water heater pan . It was plumbed with two kinds of pipe , not CPVC . At Lowes we showed them what pipe we had , to connect to the galvanized fitting on the water heater , so they sold us a lot of fittings , and more pipe of another kind . It all looked so complicated that I stopped at our local hardware store on the way home , and bought 2 Flair - It fittings that would do the whole job . One of those was an inline shut - off , so that she wouldn 't have to be without water again , if something happened to the water heater . We got those installed , and came back here to install my faucet and soap dispenser . No big deal , but I am still without hot water at the sink , until the little dishwasher is installed , as we had to stop for the day . Posted by My World Clock had fallen back an hour , so it had to put it on a different time zone this morning . It didn 't know that the time change had been postponed . Another mild day , with no rain in the forecast , so as Jay didn 't show up , Ray and I were doing some painting outside on a table . I mixed up some paints to get a salmony color that I wanted for Bobcat 's board to match the shells in my bathroom . Ray painted it while she was locked on the screen porch . I didn 't want her to jump up , the board not be there , and jar her bad leg in the bathtub . The one circuit was still shut off in the kitchen at the breaker , I forgot and tried to charge my phone ! That circuit also controls the hood fan / light , disposal , and over sink light , so it didn 't take long to wire nut and tape the bare wires for the dishwasher , and turn it back on . Ray started getting the shelf , door and drawer primed and painted white for the kitchen , they still needs more coats . Bobcat woke me up early , so I put that time to good use , I hope . I un - installed my security program , and installed Microsoft Security Essentials , as I heard that it should be better . After it was installed , it took a long time to scan , so I had plenty of time to get dressed , and feed the cats . I was hoping , computer illiterate that I am , that it would cure some of the problems that I have been having since I had that virus . But it didn 't . Somewhere , in the deep dark crevices of this machine there has to be a button which will fix them . To get into chat I either have to restart my computer , or go through Firefox , which I prefer not to do . It says my Java is not enabled , but I know it is , ' cos I checked . I restart , and it is OK . Weird ! There are two kinds of comment boxes on Blogger . One has an outline for the comment box , and the other doesn 't . I can comment on the ones in a box , but not the ones without . I couldn 't even post a question on the Blogger Help Forum , either , maybe because that place to post doesn 't have an outline ? Now , that doesn 't make sense to me . It does the same thing , I can Posted by It was rather cool first thing this morning , in the 40 's , so I didn 't put let the cats out onto the screen porch until later in the day . It was sunny , but not hot , just like a lovely south TX winter day . It is so peaceful without " Pretty " ! Her new people wanted an active , lively cat , and they got one . " Prime " and " Patches " just had a laid back , peaceful day . Bobcat is enjoying her new step that we made yesterday , but she has been giving me a " Why did it take you so long to do this ? " look . " Cats are smarter than dogs . You can 't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow . " - Jeff Valdez I picked up Jay , and as I really wanted to get my big regular size dishwasher out , so that I could offer it in the yard sale , we started on that . That part was easy , it was getting the plumbing figured out for the smaller dishwasher that took the time , and even a trip to the hardware store . When I saw the dust , and stuff that had accumulated under the dishwasher over the last few years , I was glad that I will have a shorter one built in , with a regular wooden toe space , to keep out the dirt . A dishwasher isn 't like a fridge , where you can roll it out to vacuum it , and it 's space . We now have the shelf cut for the little dishwasher , the parts to hook it up , even the drawer for under it , and the door for the shelves that will be next to it , all ready , but it was too late in the day . Cooler weather , so we were all wearing sleeves today . I picked up Jay as he wanted to work , and I had some stuff that he could do . Ray only had an hour that he could work , so he put weather stripping around the back door on the windy , cold , north side of his utility room . It gets drafty in there , on top of this hill with just fields behind the house , and Blackie , their cat , sleeps in there . Also more comfy when doing laundry . While he was doing that , Jay and I were making something for my 14 year old Bobcat . She loves to sit at my bathroom window when she is not asleep under my bed , or on the porch . I have a stool there for her to jump up onto the tub , but with her arthritic front leg she was having trouble , balancing on the edge of the tub to jump up , or down , from her window . Jay and I made this board , and it has a piece along the buttom to stop it from moving . Now she is tickled pink about her new step . It will get painted . Jay and I did a bit more repair to that back utility room door , and put a sweep on the bottom , to try to keep the drafts out . I took Pretty into Conroe and we met my SPCA boss , who will keep Pretty overnight , and then she will go to her new ' forever ' home tomorrow . She is very sweet , but too rambunctious for me . The other cat 's wouldn 't play with her , and she seemed to keep them on edge . She was always getting into something , and insisted on getting tangled up in all the wires to my PC . Now she will have a little girl , and a Chihuahua , to keep her occupied , so I am glad . When I got home , I let the other three out on the porch , and they seemed to know that their lives were going to be a little bit more peaceful now . I couldn 't get them to pose all together in one picture . Phrases that don 't mean what you think they mean ! ! http : / / www . asylum . com / 2009 / 10 / 06 / phrases - that - dont - mean - what - you - think - they - mean / ? icid = mainhtmlws - maindl5link4http % 3A % 2F % 2Fwww . asylum . com % 2F2009 % 2F10 % 2F06 % 2Fphrases - that - dont - mean - what - you - think - they - mean % 2F2Fphrases - that - dont - mean - what - you - think - they - mean % 2FSo it was all about thPosted by It was cooler , but it was drizzling rain . It had obviously rained harder during the night , as some of the yard sale things were damp . Ray and I anchored the plastic sheeting better over the row of tables beside the fence , by tying knots in the corners of the plastic and using bungee cords to hook onto the lattice fence . I haven 't spread the things out yet , as I still need to get my van in there . I was waiting for the new ' better ' cat food to arrive at 3 . 00 PM at the feed store . When I called to see if was there , the lady said that she was very disappointed . She won 't be switching to it , and nor will I , it has " By - Products " in it , which is made of dead , disabled , and diseased animals of all kinds . So we are staying with the old brand for now . It is still not the best there is . Kumpi Kat All Life Stages Food is one that gets the 10 / 10 score , if I could get it , I would try it . But Wellness Brand cat food has great reviews , and I can get that at Petco , so I have Bobcat on that . You can measure your cat 's food by these reviews : http : / / hubpages . com / hub / Cat _ Food _ Review They also have a page for dogs . I couldn 't understand why my hair was so dry and brittle . Lots of it came out on my brush , and I know that I am not on chemo ! Thank Goodness ! I did some searching , and found out that I was using a shampoo which the second largest ingredient , after water , was Ammonium Lauryl Sulphate , which is very , very harsh . So please look at the labels . Just like you would for the food you , or your pets eat . It is all about the money , and if they can sell a lot of a product made cheaply , they don 't care about you . Ray waxed the roof of the van where we had painted it white , to get it protected for winter . That white roof is great , not only does it reflect the heat , but I don 't loose the navy blue van in the parking lots anymore . We riveted some small bars on a cracked flat part of the little Oreck canister vac I got on Friday . That part went fine , but then we couldn 't find the hose to the vacuum . I thought it must have been left at the thrift shop , so , without any lunch , I drove down there before it got thrown away . They had not been open since last Friday , so unless the dumpster had been emptied , the odds were good . But they couldn 't find it . So I went to a couple of other shops where I thought I might buy a hose , but did not succeed . I stopped at the feed store to get the cats some more Exclusive Cat Food , and the lady told me that they are getting in an even better food tomorrow . So I will try that . She was upset about the people that come in to buy the cheapest food , full of corn meal , just like the grocery store pet food . Then they wonder why their dogs have skin problems and other health troubles ! She was glad that I try to feed mine the better foods , but I know it is cheaper than paying the vet ! " A cat isn 't fussy - just so long as you remember he likes his milk in the shallow , rose - patterned saucer and his fish on the blue plate . From which he will take it , and eat it off the floor . " - Arthur Bridges So I came home empty - handed today ! This morning I visited Linda and Howard of http : / / www . rv - dreams . com / in the Sam Houston National Forest , Cagle Recreation Area , near New Waverly , TX . This is only about 15 miles from my house , about 7 miles as the crow flies , and I had never been there . Another lesson about exploring your own back yard , as you never know what gems you will find ! When you see lovely campgrounds like this , you wonder why anyone would want to be on hot slabs , all in a row like sardines , in an RV park or resort . This site is $ 20 with full hook - ups . It would be $ 10 for me with a ' geyser pass ' . I tried to imagine camping there , and taking the walk down to the lake , but I think that is when I would miss my late DH , and my dog , the most . Taking Bobbiecat in one of her special animal strollers , just wouldn 't be the same . She has two strollers , and the orange one cames off the wheels and becomes a back pack . I used it as a regular back pack , for things , when I went to AR to get the Mirage ! With all the see - through pockets it was great for finding maps , drinks , snacks and things when I was on the bus . Then that left my hands free for carrying the rest of the luggage . Her other stroller doesn 't come off it 's wheels , and can 't even be used as a carrier in the MH , so I hardly ever use it . The sites at Cagle are huge , and the tent pad was on their site , so it couldn 't be rented to anyone else . I had been to another campground in the Sam Houston National Forest years ago , with my son , as there were ATV trails near there , but never ventured to this one . I will have to remedy that , when my fosters are adopted in to their ' forever ' homes . It was great to see Linda and Howard again . Hugs all around . We figured that it must have been about October 2006 the last time we saw each other . How time flies ! We sat under their awning in wonderful weather , and chatted about all kinds of things . I was looking in and around their rig , as I am not up on all the newer stuff , as I mostly work on vintage RV 's . Even the door latches on the fridges are different now ! They had a satellite dish for TV , screwed onto a board , on the grass beside the rig , as the trees would interfere with the roof mount one , and were using their phone for internet again . More than one way to skin a deer . I didn 't want to say ' cat ' , ' cos why would you want to skin a cat ? Their visitors came over , Wayne & Renea , who had their Class A in the next site , but that was still quite a way away , these sites are so large . They are from Monroe , LA , which was where my home park ( Shiloh ) was , when I belonged to Coast - to - Coast . Another instance of meeting great people when you are RVing . Most of the time I was there , a riding lawnmower on steroids , similar to the picture , was racing around at maybe 15 - 20 MPH , almost like an ATV . It 's rear wheels were as big as the ones on my van . As it got closer it was kicking up quite a bit of dust , so the picnic that I had brought , had to be eaten indoors . I didn 't see their 5er ( fifth wheel trailer ) last time , as we met in Willis , TX near my house . It is only the second time I have been in a big full time 5er , as the ones that I had were smaller . Deb and Rod 's ( http : / / debandrod . blogspot . com / ) was the first one , when I visited them in Schertz , TX in the Hill Country , last year . The big 5ers do make lovely homes , but all those stairs would do me in ! But you have to have steps to have all that basement space , so you can 't have it all . I picked up Jay , and Miss Ronnie . Jay got more boxes of yard sale stuff down from the storeroom attic , and Ronnie stapled the labels with the sizes on all the pants , and hung up a bunch more of the clothes . While we were doing this Animal Control came to pick up the sweet stray tabby tomcat that they had botched up getting into their truck the other day . Yes , he came back here ! He knew he would get food , water , a comfy bed , and shelter in the carport . We hope that he will be fixed , and adopted , as he really is a sweet cat . We hated to see him go , but it had to be done . Jay got the mesh playpen down , and loaded it full of blankets and sleeping bags for sale . I washed out the big plastic bins we put things in , as they had got dusty , and ran around all over , trying to get stuff organized out of the boxes . The yard sale won 't be until next week , but it takes a while to get it all set up . So it has to be done bit by bit , when we have time . It is all laid out in the back of my RVport , so it is under cover . It was chilly this morning , by our standards , anyway . Jeans , instead of shorts , were the gear for today , for the first time in months . Ray and I had laid most of the linoleum on Friday , but not the little corner where the fridge goes , as it had to be cut and patched in . We moved the fridge again , but it took quite a while to get that part cut just right . It had to butt up precisely against the existing lino , and as neither edge were ' factory ' , it took a few cuts with a straight edge , but finally it was stuck down , so that the seam didn 't show . The baseboard was nailed back on , and then we had to get the new carpet bar down between the carpet and new lino all across the room . The old carpet bar didn 't have ' teeth ' , and the new one did , so to get it to fit right , we had to take up the old tack strip . The bar was carefully screwed in place , and then I got a wide trowel and pushed the edge of the carpet into place under the lip of the bar , so that Ray could hammer the edge of the bar over it . We still have a couple of other jobs to do in the guest house , but Shay will be home today , so we will have to wait until the next time she is away . Shay is one of those folks who doesn 't like to be disrupted around remodelling ! The sun was shining , and the cats were playing on the porch this afternoon . First time it hasn 't been too hot for them to do that . " Give a man a fish and he has food for a day ; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend . " - Zenna SchafferWish I could be RVing on this lovely day . It is so much cooler these days . So nice to have the windows open airing out the house . I spent most of the morning catching up with a few odd jobs . You know , laundry , bills , etc . After loading the cats in their respective transportation carriers , with a great tussle I got the cages loaded and seat - belted in the van , to go to Adoption Day . Neither my SPCA boss , Kenya , nor her second in command , Chris , were at Petco when I arrived . Another foster mom helped me unload the cages onto a shopping cart and we rolled them into Petco . I put my cats in their display cages , but I knew I could not just go off and leave them there alone , especially as the foster mom brought two more cats . Kenya called me , she was delayed , but on her way , and asked me if I would stay . Another foster mom , Barbie , arrived with about 6 or 8 cats and a couple of dogs . Kenya arrived with the rest of the dogs . One only 2 lb . full grown , and others up to maybe 70 lb ! Chris wouldn 't be there today , so I knew they would be shorthanded , even though Barbie was staying . Kenya does the viewing and adoptions in the Training Room at Petco , and sometimes that takes quite a while . So someone has to be in the Adoption Room to answer questions from passers by about the animals . The dogs have to be walked outside every now and then , so it really takes three people . One dog , who looked like a big " Benji " , was adopted , as their application had been approved last week . Lots of folks held the little skinny 2lb . MinPin , Prissy , she is a cuddle dog , but not ready to be adopted yet . There was a young little white dog with tan ears , and an adorable face , Mackie , that I had seen at Adoption Day last time . She is so quiet , sweet , and laid back that I was tempted . But she would outlive me , so it would not be fair . Pretty 's possible future family arrived to view her , so Kenya and I took her into the training room . Pretty just loved on them , and purred , and they loved her . I answered their questions about her , and left . Kenya left them to have some alone time with Pretty . When Kenya went back , they had decided to adopt her , but they are going on a trip next weekend , so they don 't want to pick her up until the 26th . I helped all I could with the people looking at the animals . We have loose leaf books , one for our cats and one for the dogs , a page devoted to each animal , so I had to refer to that sometimes to find out particulars about a certain animal . Several people took our card , so that they could look at our other animals , or fill out an application online , http : / / www . spcaofmc . petfinder . com / and one filled it out right there . Kenya ordered take - out from the Chinese restaurant across the parking lot , so about 4 . 30 we ate at a table behind the cat cages . At 5 . 00 PM , it was time to start packing up . That takes a while . First , move the dogs into their cages in Kenya 's big van or into their foster mom 's vehicles , then those big display cages can be folded up . The cats are put in their carriers and loaded into the various foster mom 's cars , and those display cages can be folded up . Then all the folded display cages have to be loaded into the back of Kenya 's van . Chris usually does this , as she is used to handling heavy stuff , she cleans horses hooves for a living ! But with her absent , it was up to Barbie . I helped by folding up cages as the dogs and cats vacated them . Kenya helped me get my three back in my van , and we came home . I didn 't even try to carry the cats in their cages , into the dog room . I got each cat out of it 's transportation cage , and carried them very securely , into the dog room . They were glad to be home . The day started out unexpectedly with a mad rush . Thank goodness it was not hot or humid ! I was working on the computer , still in my nightclothes , when my 17 year old grand daughter Michelle , called . She wanted me to take her to school , as she had missed the bus . I told her that it would take at least 45 minutes for me to get there . The cats had been out on the screen porch since early , and neither they , nor MaeMae , had even had their breakfasts yet . I usually get dressed and feed them when I get off work at 8 . 00 AM , before we start working around here at 9 . 00AM , so was a mad scramble . I knew that her school was nearly into the next town , Conroe , so I called Jay so that he could go with me , as he had stuff to do there . He also had to help me move the furniture out of the way in Ray 's kitchen again , before I could leave . I had the floor leveling powder , so Ray could be floating the floor until I got back . I did feed Bobcat very quickly , as she gets sick if she doesn 't eat her canned food on time , and got the cats back in the house , so that MaeMae and I could go pick up Jay . Then he and I moved the furniture , left MaeMae in my house , and off we went . We picked up Michelle , in another subdivision quite a few miles away . I raced down the freeway , over the speed limit , and got her to school . She was late , of course . Then on to Conroe . I had trouble finding the right carpet bar that goes between the new lino and the existing carpet . All they had at Lowe 's was 8 ' long . I didn 't want any joins in it . Finally found a 12 ' long piece at Home Depot , and it only just fit in the van . By the time we had made some other stops , it was way past lunchtime , and I was already worn out . I dropped Jay off at his house , and came home to feed the animals , and me . Ray had floated the floor , so we started struggling with the new linoleum . After vacuuming scrupulously , we laid it out , cut to it to fit , rolled half back , and applied the mastic to that half of the floor . We got that half of the lino rolled into place over the glue , and rolled any aiPosted by This post already disappeared once , but maybe I can recreate it . This is the day we had to start fixing the kitchen floor in my little guest house where Ray and Shay live . Shay is away house sitting elsewhere until Sunday . MaeMae and I picked up Jay . Ray 's back is still bothering him , and as much as he doesn 't like to be around Jay , ( even if Jay is sober ) , he knew that he could not do the floor at this time . Jay and I moved the dining furniture , hutch and fridge out of the kitchen . Jay removed the baseboards , and Ray started cutting out the old linoleum . We cut out some soft spots on the floor , and the shower the other side of the wall was suspected of being the cause . But it wasn 't that . A while back the window Heat / AC had been leaking in the wall , and we had altered the pitch of it to rectify that . But it had already done it 's damage to the floor under the old lino . Some blocking was screwed in , and 3 / 4 " plywood screwed in the hole . Ray went around on his knees scraping up the old floor mastic , and it is pretty smooth , but we will need to use some Floor Leveler , which we will ' float ' tomorrow . All the up and down the steps , over to the board rack , and up to the plywood storage did my knees in , and by 1 . 30 we had all had enough for today . " Our perception of animals determines how we treat them , and whether they suffer under our dominion or not . Behind our perception and treatment of animals lie our needs , wants , values , and cultural and religious traditions . Until these are addressed and our perception changed so there is empathy , respect , and communication , the holocaust of the animal kingdom will continue . And those qualities or virtues that make us human - humility , compassion , and selfless benevolence - will continue to be crushed by arrogance , ignorance , and the selfishness of our species . " " What is man without the beasts ? If all the beasts were gone , man would die from a great loneliness of spirit . For whatever befalls the earth , befalls the sons of the earth . Man did not weave the web of life ; he is merely a strand in it . Whatever he does to the web , he does to himself . " ( Chief Seattle , 1855 ) The basic issue is simple : " The question is not , can they reason ? Nor , can they talk ? But , can they suffer ? " ( Jeremy Bentham , philosopher and animal rights activist ; 1748 - 1832 . ) |
Good morning everybody . I 'll give you three guesses what 's happening outside my door . Yup ! You guessed it ! It is snowing . It 's another storm , this one is named " Kari " . It 's supposed to snow all day , tonight and right on through tomorrow . If that 's not bad enough , we are promised another nasty snowy wet day for next Monday too . Sheesh ! ! Want to know what Pogo thinks of all this wicked Winter weather ? This is how he rides out the cold and the snow . First we pile up a bunch of fuzzy blankets on his little sofa ; then he settles in . I realize that it is sometimes difficult to visualize what something looks like just from hearing about it . I mention my driveway ( parking lot ) often when we have bad weather , so I took a couple of photos to show just how big it is . The photos don 't show it all , but you can see a lot of it . You can see Joe ( in the tan jacket ) and Mike ( in the dark jacket ) shoveling . That 's my car in the bottom right corner , minus a lot of the snow that it was buried under . These photos were taken through the storm door , which is why you can see the mesh screen imprint on the photos . I finally have some good news for daughter Audrey . She has finally found herself a new car to get around in . It 's a cute little Nissan Versa . Good luck with it Audrey , and drive safely . Your car carries some very precious cargo in it . I have another story to share with you . Audrey was riding in a car one day last week when she spotted something very interesting way off in a field . She took as many photos as she could with her phone , and sent this one on to me . Wow ! ! Would you believe - an Albino Deer . At least , I think that 's what it is . I zoomed in as best I could and could not see a black nose . We 've never seen one of these , so of course this was exciting . I looked it up on Google and found that there are Albino Deer , and there are the White Deer . There is quite a lot of fascinating history about the White Deer . The difference between the two is that the Albino Deer has a pink nose and pink eyes . The White Deer has a normal colored nose and normal colored eyes . Yesterday afternoon , Joe and I went food shopping , so now I 'm all stocked up again and ready for the next batch of weather . Now I 'm going to enjoy my cup of coffee and catch up a bit on my blog reading . So , till Sunday , ( Woo Hoo ! It will already be February ! ) Y ' all be warm and have a fabulous weekend . Hugs , Edna B . Good morning . Gosh , it 's cold this morning . Currently it is 9F degrees and the sun is shining . The weather man says that it will get up to around 32F degrees sometime today . Then we have more snow coming during the night , and rain and freezing rain for tomorrow . Well now , isn 't that nice ! I 'm watching the Weather Channel , and they are showing all the side streets in Boston , and all the cars still buried in snow . The problem now is that all that snow has to be carted away , but to where ? There 's no where to throw the snow when you shovel out all these vehicles , so it will be a while before some of the cars make it out of their icy spots . I have a solution , but they are not asking me . ( What else is new ? lol . ) They could start at one end of a street with a plow , a back hoe and a couple of dump trucks , and dig out one car at a time and put the snow into the dump truck . After a while the whole street would be cleared and all the cars could go back to their parking spots . The snow in the dump trucks could be carted away and dumped into the ocean . ( or somewhere suitable ) We have two more nasty winter spells coming our way for tonight and tomorrow , and then again for Sunday into Monday . It looks like there is even more snow coming mid week . I , for one , will be ever so glad to see Spring coming with her warm sun and green leaves . Just 51 more days folks ! These next two photos feature a tiny wren . In the first shot , he is pecking at a snow covered branch , and in the second photo , he is perched on one of my windshield wipers checking out the food situation . ( at least that what I think he is doing ) Yesterday afternoon , Joe cleared off my car , and then cleared all the heavy snow off the porch roof . At least now I won 't be worrying about the roof when the freezing rain and snow comes tomorrow . I think we 'll go food shopping this afternoon when Joe gets home from work so that I don 't have to go out tomorrow . I 'm hoping to go back to Market Basket to do our food shopping because I found a brand of doggie food there that Pogo will eat . It 's the Market Basket brand of " gourmet dinners " . I bought some last week to try , and every day Pogo eats at least half of it to all of it for his breakfast . Woo Hoo ! ! ! I have some fun photos that Dee Dee sent to me , but I 'll save them for tomorrow . Right now , my tummy is telling me that it wants a bit of food . So , till tomorrow Y ' all be warm and have a fabulous day . Hugs , Edna B . Good morning . Well , the sun is shining , and Storm Juno fizzled out during the night . Thank goodness for that ! Joe worked wonders trying to keep up with the snow that has been falling since Monday , and the snow plow came in this morning at 7 : 15 for the last time to clean up the parking lot again . There is a lot of snow on our porch roof , but Joe will clear most of that away this afternoon when he gets home from work . We surely don 't need any problems with the roof falling in on the porch . Even though we got a ton of snow here , we were very fortunate that we did not lose our electric power . In reality , things could have been a lot worse , so I am very thankful how things turned out here . Yesterday , I had fun watching our little birdies scratching around for food . The snow had everything buried . As soon as I would send out more bird seed and bits of bread , the snow would cover over it . I finally got smart and had Joe spread a whole bowl of seed underneath my car . This way the little birds could eat their food and be out of the weather . Here are a few photos of our little birds from yesterday . The square feeder in the last photo was almost empty , so I made up some new buns lathered in peanut butter to fill them again . The birds seem to like the peanut butter very much . The word for Day 28 is " Lead " which can be interpreted in more than one way . You can " lead " someone , or you can have something made of or with " lead " . I chose a " lead " pencil used for writing . I have more photos and a scrap page to share , but I 'll save them for tomorrow . I did spend a little time yesterday trying to figure out how to make a second page here on the blog . The only instruction I could find was a line on Blogger that said " to make another page click here . " I did not click it because first I want to make sure that this page won 't get messed up if I click that spot . I 'll look again today . A few minutes ago , I spotted some of our little birds outside my window looking for food , so I just took a small break to put some more food out for them . When I took the food outside , there was a small group of birdies sitting in and on my hedge waiting for the food . There was a couple of chickadees , a little brown wren , a finch , a couple of dark eyed juncos and a few sparrows . I am always amazed at how they can all get along so well together . Now I really must have myself a hot cup of coffee . I 've paid the plow guy , fed the birds , checked with a couple of the dwarfs , fed Pogo his breakfast and typed my blog . It 's time to get some hot coffee and maybe a few bites of something tasty into this old gal . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all stay warm and have a fantabulous day . Good morning America ! ! It 's windy , white and cold here in New England . Well , the snow and wind really picked up last evening , and I spent most of the night worrying about my gentle giants . ( the huge trees around the house ) But it is 5 : 45 am , and so far all is well . Yesterday I was able to hire a snow plow to come in several times during the storm and clear our driveway . I don 't know why I call it a driveway . It 's really more like a parking lot . Joe went out every couple of hours till around 11 : 30 pm and shoveled up all the snow . The governor called for a driving ban beginning at midnight last night , and all other forms of travel would also be shut down . This will stay in effect until further notice . The wind began howling in the evening , and snow has been flying every which way . Yup , it looks like a real doozy of a snowstorm outside . Pogo curled up under a bundle of fuzzy blankets on his little sofa , and I was all tucked in on my lounge chair with the phone next to me . We managed to sleep for a few hours till the phone rang at 4 am . It was the snow plow driver calling to say he would be here in thirty minutes . We already had a foot of snow . I called Joe , and he got up and went outside to shovel the snow away from my car and to tell the plow driver what we needed . The word for Day 11 was " White " , so I think this photo of Joe outside this morning is quite appropriate . I was standing on the front porch when I took this photo , but it was so windy that I soon went right back in the house . This is just the snow that fell from around 11 : 30 pm till 4 am . The plow got here around 4 : 30 am , and I have to say that he did a pretty good job , considering one of the cars got stuck in too much snow and Joe couldn 't move it out of the way . Let me tell you , there was a ton of snow in our yard . Well , actually it 's still there , but it 's been moved around a bit . hehe . Here 's a view through my living room window . That large white blob has my car hidden beneath it . I tried taking photos through the door , but plexi - glass does not make for good photos . While I was at the window , I checked the birdie water bowl and put more water in it . It 's in a protected spot , so there wasn 't too much snow around it . By 5 : 15 , the plow driver had left , and Joe was on his way back to bed for a few more hours . As soon as some of the dwarfs wake up , Joe will go back outside with some help to move the car that got stuck . The plow driver will call again later this morning before he comes back to plow the yard again . So far , we still have our electric power . Knock on wood , and thank you Lord . The wind is going to be blowing heavy most all day and night again . The real culprit of this storm is this wicked wind . It has the potential to knock down a lot of power lines , leaving a lot of people in the freezing cold . I 'm watching the Weather Channel , and there are six states that have called a " state of emergency " . For most of us , that means a driving ban , no schools open , no buses or trains running , etc . As long as we don 't lose our power , it is sort of like a mini vacation for a lot of folks . Good morning . Well , the snow is coming starting today , and it 's coming with a vengeance . It 's bringing hurricane winds along with it . The weather man sounds scary this morning when he says that it could dump from two to four inches of snow an hour for twenty four hours non - stop . Now that is scary ! ! Right now , we are looking at possibly two to three feet of snow for our area . As long as we have power , I 'll be posting here . If I 'm not here , then you can assume that we 've lost our electric power and I 'll be back as soon as the power returns . Personally , I would not be disappointed if the whole thing blew out to sea before it gets here . That 's my wimpy side showing ! They are saying on the Weather Channel that by noon today , all traffic in New York City is to be off the roads ; and in Boston , we may have as late as 5 pm to get off the roads and stay off for 24 hours . That 's a great idea , but I 'm sure there will be lots of folks ignoring these warnings . Why , I don 't know , but they always do . We have food , water , blankets , flashlights , a snow blower that might not be much of a help if there is too much snow , and a generator in case of a power outage . The only thing I haven 't got so far is a plow to come in periodically to move some of the heavier snow out of the driveway . I 'll try to figure that one out this morning . Yesterday , I went looking at one of my backup drives to see if there was room on it for another backup , and I got side - tracked , naturally . Therefore I did not get to work on a second page for my blog . I will get to it , but right now there are more important things to attend to . I thought I might see about getting another delivery of fuel oil to make sure the tank is full , but so far no one seems to be answering the oil company 's phone . Maybe their lines are already down ? Hmmm . Oh well , we have enough fuel for a while , but once the snow gets here it will be very difficult to get to the " fill " pipe . As promised , here are the latest " word " photos . The word for Day 24 was " Aquatic " so I took a photo of Joe 's fish . There is a pineapple house in the fishbowl , and the fish likes to stay inside the house a lot . The word for Day 25 was " Flower " so I have a photo of daylilies from my garden . ( Obviously taken several months ago . This being Monday , I thought the orange lilies most appropriate . If anyone else wants to join in with the " Word " photos , please do . I 'm getting into the habit of just shooting photos of everything and anything . You never know when one of the photos will match a Day word . Now I must get busy and see about hiring us a snow plow . That 's if there are any snow plows available . Most of them are probably all booked already . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all be safe and have a great day . Good morning . Well , the sun is finally shining . It 's cold , but it 's not snowing so that helps . Today we have to clean up as much of yesterday 's snow as possible . We are on blizzard watch for 7 pm Monday until 1 am Wednesday . There is a lot more snow on its way . Storm Juno is promising to dump a bundle of the white stuff on New England . I thought I might share this photo of a snow storm that we had in January a few years ago . My brother Artie was outside shoveling out the driveway , and in most places the snow was up to his hips . The weatherman is being very scary this morning . He is saying that " Juno " could bring us " feet " of snow , not " inches " . One good thing , I had the dates wrong for when Eddie and Kevin had to be in Boston for medical reasons . They do not go this week , they go next week . Whew ! I 'm hoping that by then most of the snow and ice will be gone . Yesterday we all woke up to fat snow flakes falling , and already more than four inches of snow covering everything . During the day we got a couple more inches . Of course , this was to be the day that the snow blower would break a shear pin when Joe was trying to move all the snow . The snow blower had to go back to the shed and out came the shovels . I ordered new pins from the Hardware Store , and a couple of the dwarfs helped Joe with the shoveling . In this photo , the driveway ( which is huge ) is done and now they are clearing the entrance area by the street . All the activity outside kept Pogo quite busy watching from the door . Until Joe threw a little snowball at the door and scared Pogo away . I 'll need to have a chat with Joe about that . Pogo is tiny and so many things are quite scary to him . He should not have to be afraid of Joe or looking out his door . I love the reflections in these photos of my little guy . I have a photo to share of dwarf Mike having some fun in the snow yesterday . He had just made a snowball and was busy getting ready to throw it at Joe . ( He says to tell everyone that he is available . ) I do have " word " photos for the last couple of days , but I 'll post them tomorrow . This afternoon I 'm going to try to set up a second page here on the blog for project photos , etc . The magic word is " try " . I 'll even see if I can figure out how to set up an upload link . Hmmmm , that should keep me busy for a while . Now I 'm going to enjoy a cup of coffee and do a bit of blog reading . So till tomorrow , Y ' all stay warm and have a fabulous day . Good morning . The sun is shining , but it is cold here . At the moment it is 22F degrees , but it is supposed to warm up to around 38F degrees . At least that is what the weather man is saying . We still have some nasty winter weather coming , but I 'm not sure what or when . I 'll tune in to the Weather Channel in a little while to see they are saying now . Let 's get right to the Day 23 word " Shave " . This is something that Pogo and I don 't do , so I have no items for shaving lying around . I almost decided to use an alternative word for today when I remembered something that I bought at the supermarket yesterday afternoon . I just got out the package of Shaved Pastrami and took this photo . Hmmm , good thing I bought it ! I also have a photo for the Day 5 word " Small " . I took this photo of Pogo as he was waking up from a nap on the sofa . He is very small , only six pounds which is two and a half pounds more than he weighed when I first got him . I also have a photo for yesterday 's word " Hope " that was sent to me from Beth , a fellow blogger . The symbol for breast cancer is on this image , and it is an inspiration for hope that we will find a cure for cancer . Thanks for sharing , Beth . It 's more fun to do this project when someone else is doing it too . Well , yesterday after Joe got home from work , we left to go grocery shopping , after a stop by the bank and the post office . The highway is close by the Post Office , so we decided to shop at Market Basket instead of Walmart . This was good because it gave me a chance to pick up a few different items that Walmart does not carry . Like the shaved pastrami ! I love this on - line shopping . A couple of days ago , I ordered a book for daughter Audrey , and yesterday morning I received an email telling me that it was already shipped and on its way to her . I think that this is one of the better things that came out of progress . Not only do I not have to leave the house to make a purchase , but I also don 't have to make a trip to the Post Office to mail it to anyone . Definitely good progress . I sometimes wonder what my memories will be like if I live to be 100 or more . Right now , I can remember so much in the way of progress . Recently I watched a commercial for a new toilet . It had a sort of laser flush on it . You just pass your hand in front of the flush button , and it does the job itself . My memories take me back to the day when there was a three seater with no flush at all , and then to a " modern " toilet with a wooden water box high up on the wall and a long chain hanging from it to pull for a flush . After that came the " all in one " unit with the flush handle attached to the tank on the back of the toilet , and now one that flushes itself . Amazing ! I also remember the cobble stone streets , and my Grandpa coming to visit in a horse drawn surrey . The roads changed from cobble stone to black tar , and now a type of cement pavement . The horse drawn surrey soon became an automobile , to a beach wagon , to a modern new car . More amazing memories . There are so many more , but they can wait for another day and another post . Good morning . I 'm watching the Weather Channel , and I guess January is not going to go out without dumping a ton of snow on us . Or maybe lots of rain ? Or maybe both . Either way , something is on its way here probably by tomorrow or Saturday . And maybe even more next Monday and Tuesday . We 'll just have to wait and see . All of this means that I definitely have to get out today to do a couple of errands and pick up a few groceries . Once the storm Iola arrives here with her wintry mix , Pogo and I may not go back out for a few days . The word for Day 22 is " hope " . I thought about what to photograph until I realized I had the perfect subject . I recently placed an order for a couple of things , but needed one more inexpensive item in order to get the free socks that were being offered . ( I 'll get back to the socks in a later post . ) Well , my order arrived yesterday , and this is the extra item that I had ordered . It 's a " Pumpkin Starter Garden " . I have " hope " that Spring is coming , and we will be growing pumpkins in our garden soon . Per a request in the comments , if anyone needs information or help on making a Blog Book , just send me an email and I 'll be glad to help you . You can find my email in my Profile . Once you get started on these wonderful books , you 'll get hooked . But they are a great way to leave behind a bit of your life for your family . Yesterday , SIL Eddie came by and got my new oven all set up . We only ran into one problem . He will have to come back in put in a new outlet for my microwave . I do not like having the oven and the microwave sharing the same outlet . But , Eddie is an electrician , so he can take care of this for me . Today I have another interesting article from the newspaper that I thought cat - lovers might like . Did you know that there apps for your tablet that lets your cats play all sorts of fun games ? Among these new apps are " Paint For Cats " , " Game For Cats " . " Catzilla " , " Pocket Pond " and " Cat Fishing " . Well , that 's about all my news for this morning . I 'm going to enjoy my cup of coffee while I think of what to photograph for tomorrow 's word . So till tomorrow , Y ' all have a wonderful day . Good morning . I 've been up a while , but I 've been busy photographing a piece of dust and then playing with it in Photoshop . Imagine . At my age , playing with a piece of dust ! The Day 21 word is " dust " so this explains my weird behavior this morning . First I had to negotiate with the dust bunnies to find out which piece of dust they would allow me to photograph , then I had to get their permission to post the photograph here on my blog . Dust bunnies are very particular about their privacy . Pogo is being very playful this morning , crawling all over my lap while I 'm trying to type . So I have to keep stopping to play a bit . This is okay though because he is such fun to play with and he gives me so much joy . Yesterday I got a nice surprise in the mail . My newest Blog Book arrived . This one covers the last six months of 2014 . Gosh , now I have fourteen of these books . Two days ago was my seventh anniversary of blogging . It doesn 't seem possible that I 'm now in my eighth year . Here are photos of the new book . Today we are back to cold temps , only reaching about 30F later today . At least the sun is shining , so that makes it somewhat better . SIL Eddie just called and is on his way here to help me set up the new oven . I have a spot all ready for the oven , but now I want to give it a last once over with the wash cloth . Later , I 'll have to sit down and read the instructions on how to use the oven . I 've never had one of these , so this should be interesting . Good afternoon . No , I did not sleep in this morning . Rather , I had a few phone calls to make , received a couple of calls , and then had to write out some checks to pay bills and get them in the mail before the mailman got here . Phew ! ! Before I could post , I needed to check my profile and figure out how to add an email to it so that folks can contact me if they need to . This was in response to Beth 's question about how to send me photos to share . You can contact me , and send photos , by using the email in my profile at the top right side of this page . I would love to see your photos . Yesterday I had an appointment with my eye doctor , and all the news was super good . I have 20 / 20 vision and no eye diseases . Woo Hoo ! The only reason I 'll be getting new eyeglasses is because the ones that I 'm wearing are really old . I need them for reading small print , plus I have Transitional lenses to keep the light away from my eyes . This was definitely great news . It seems as though I 've been up for a whole day . Mr . Pogo decided it was time for breakfast quite early this morning . He woke me at around 5 : 30 to let me know that he was hungry . I decided to get up and make breakfast for both of us , with hopes of going back to sleep after we ate . Which I did , for about an hour an a half . Today I have an interesting newspaper article to share . This a new app called " Pager " that allows patients to order a house call from a physician using their smartphones . At the moment , the service is available on a limited basis in Manhattan and Brooklyn ( New York ) , but it could spread to other cities this year . Is this not cool ? Remember the good old days when your doctor actually came to your house when you were sick in bed ? It would mean not having to get out of a sick bed and traveling to the ER just to sit in a waiting room with a lot of other sick people , and quite possible getting even sicker . Hmmm , now I 'm wondering what this service will cost . It 's getting late and Pogo is patiently waiting for his lunch , so on that note , I 'll take my leave . Till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fabulous day . Good morning . This will be a fairly short post as I have a morning appointment with the eye doctor . It 's been at least two or three years since my last eye exam . I 've been wanting to get new glasses , but not until after a new exam . This morning on the Weather Channel they are showing all the recent vehicle pile - ups due to icy roads , plus they are re - hashing several of the other really bad pile - ups from this past week . I am just so amazed at how many people will insist on being out on the roads during freezing rain . Any time it rains and the temperature is below freezing , the roads will be icy . Is the almighty dollar so important to us that we will risk our lives and the lives of others by travelling on unsafe roads ? I 'm thinking that a lot of accidents may have been prevented if people had waited a few hours to travel to their jobs or destinations . Maybe I just think too realistically . At 3 : 30 this morning , it was 43F degrees . At the moment , it is 33 degrees , with a promise of maybe getting up to 40 degrees later today . The road near my house looks dry , but I will leave a bit early for my appointment just in case . If I find the roads looking a bit iffy , I 'll turn around and come back home and re - schedule my appointment . Well , Deanne and Eddie are beginning to feel better , DIL Janet is over her bout with the flu , and Kevin is hanging in there till his upcoming doctor appointment . Hopefully they will all be healed and feeling normal really soon . Congratulations are in order for all you Patriots and Seattle football fans . Your teams will be facing off in this year 's Super Bowl . Good luck to all of you , although I 'll be routing for the New England Patriots , of course . Is anyone other than me trying to do that 365 day photo project ? Are you having as much difficulty as I am trying to match a photo to the daily words ? I may end up making my own word list in order to make the project more fun . In that case , today 's word will be " water " . I 've taken a photo of our new bird water bowl . It 's outside my window where it is protected from bad weather . Also , I can just open my window to fill the bowl with water . Well that 's all my news for this morning . It 's time to make breakfast for my little guy before I have to get ready for my appointment . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a wonderful day and please stay off the icy roads . Good morning . It 's getting close to noon , but I tried sleeping in this morning . Earlier I had to get up because Pogo was insisting on breakfast , which I got up and made for him . Then I crawled back under my cozy afghan and tried for a few more winks . However , there wasn 't much sleep coming . Once his belly was full of food , Pogo now wanted to sit on my lap and play . So we played a while and watched a bit of Square Pants Sponge Bob ( I think that 's how you spell it ) . Finally , Pogo managed to coax me out from under the covers . What would I do without this special little guy ? According to my phone , it is 44F degrees outside , sort of a mini heat wave . So far , it is not raining . However , we do have lots of rain on the way . At least that 's what the weather man says . I guess the rain will arrive later this afternoon in time for the football game . I 'm not a football fan , but I 'll be routing for the Patriots because my family and friends will be watching the game and hoping for the Patriots to win . Remember how I mentioned how nothing is too sacred to be advertised on TV ? Well the other day I saw a commercial that I thought was totally disgusting . It was for Poise Pads , and the last line of the ad was " How would you recycle your period pads ? " Are they kidding ? I 'm all for recycling as much as possible , but give me a break ! Poise Pads ? I assume they are not referring to brand new ones . I mean , why would you bother to buy them if you were only going to put them in the recycle bin or create something new out of them ? YUCK ! On that note , how about a few birdie photos . These were taken through the kitchen window . The window could use a washing , but not in this cold weather . Yesterday , I gave Joe two bowls of peanuts to spread around outside for the birds and the squirrels . I tried to get a photo of the squirrels eating the peanuts , but they would rush in , grab a peanut and run off with it . Oh well , at least they were enjoying them . I have no special plans for today . Somehow , when I plan exactly what I will do for a day , I usually get sidetracked . So today my plan is " whatever will be , will be " . Right now , I 'm thinking about what to make for lunch . A grilled cheese sandwich sounds yummy , but then I still have to come up with something tasty for Pogo . Hmmm , I 'll have to think on that for a while . On that note , I think I 'll have me a cup of coffee , and see what 's in the refrigerator . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all have a fantabulous day . Hugs , Edna B . Good morning . I 'm off to a bit of a late start today , but I just did not want to come out from under my cozy covers this morning . I finally had to give in to Pogo 's antics . He woke up quite hungry this morning , and was insisting that I get up and make him some breakfast . So , like a good mama , I did just that . Gosh , that little fellow has me tucked right under his thumb . Er , I mean his paw . On the weather channel they are discussing how we are all enjoying the " January thaw " . I wonder if any of those folks have actually visited my little part of New England lately . I always thought that the temperature had to get up over freezing for the " thaw " and stay there for a while . So far , we 're not doing so good in that department . We are expecting a day that reaches 40 and a couple days in the mid 30 's soon , but until it actually happens , we can 't count on it . The weather becomes crazier every year now . It must be quite difficult for the meteorologists to give accurate weather forecasts . As to the 365 photo project , I 'm having a problem with some of the topics . So I think I 'll just get the ones that I can , and try to catch up with the missed photos whenever I can . The word for day 16 is " impact " . Last night while I was watching TV , I heard a really loud BANG ! I got up and looked out to see what appeared to be a nasty auto accident , and so I called the police to report it . Next thing , all the traffic started backing up with a lot of vehicles turning around in my driveway and heading back in the other direction . Soon the whole area was flooded with flashing blue and white lights followed by flashing red lights . Several cruisers , an ambulance , three tow trucks , a ladder engine and goodness knows what else was all outside in front of our yard . I did not go out to look , but I know it was serious because three cars were taken away on trucks , and at least one person left in an ambulance . Here are a few photos that I took through the storm door . ( with my phone ) The last photo shows the EMT 's who have just put someone into the ambulance . The photos aren 't great as it is dark and I 'm shooting through glass and screen with no flash . But they surely are colorful . These are for " Impact " . My next photo is for Day 1 - " First " . This was the first auto accident that Pogo has seen . He was quite excited with all the action taking place on the street in front of our yard . I do have an update on Audrey 's auto . The insurance company called her to say that the car was totaled . Sadly , this was a nice little car , but now it 's time to think about a new one . Hopefully , things will all work out and she 'll soon have a new set of wheels to get around in . An update on Jazzy 's rehearsals for the musical Wizard of Oz , her director said that she was so happy with how Jazzy sang " Over The Rainbow " . When Jazzy was done singing , the director told her " that 's why you were chosen for Dorothy " . That 's awesome , Jazzy ! ! ! ! ! We are all so proud of you . Well , now it 's time to get dressed . The oil delivery man will be here soon . Also , I see the mail truck pulling up in front of the driveway . Be right back . Oh goodie ! A couple of days ago , I ordered some new memory cards for my camera and they are in today 's mail . Woo Hoo ! I 'm already preparing for my upcoming vacation . I don 't like to be caught without extra memory cards . Good morning . Today is cloudy and it 's 25F degrees . At some time during the wee hours , it must have snowed for a while because everything outside is covered with a layer of snow . I 'll have to run the car for a while to melt all the snow off it before going out to do errands later . I did finish making the corn chowder yesterday , and it was delicious ! I like my food plain , so there 's not a lot of ingredients in my chowder . Just potatoes , whole kernel corn , creamed corn , onions , canned milk , whole milk a dash of salt and a sprinkling of pepper . If I 'd had any bacon , I 'd have put in a little bit of that too just for flavor . I spent a few hours on the kitchen project yesterday , mostly deciding what to toss and what to keep . Of course , anything that I would keep also needed a new place to live . I was going to work more on it today , but I think I 'll take today off . As for my 365 photo project , sad to say I did not finish getting my two photos for days 14 & 15 . Some of the topics listed are just not as easy , at least for me . My mind isn 't as creative as it used to be in it 's younger days . However , I will try to get them done . Remember back before Christmas that I spoke of our local Ace Hardware store 's pet food drive ? Well it seems to be getting better every year . I received this thank you email from the hardware store . I wish a lot more stores would do this , and it doesn 't have to be just at Christmas time . Last night DIL Janet came by after work , and we finally got to open each other 's Christmas presents . Janet has been sick since before Christmas , first waiting for an appointment for a root canal ( for some reason , all the dentists in our area were totally booked until after the holidays ) and then later with the flu . It was good to see her well and smiling again . This afternoon , I have to make my shopping list . Later , when Joe gets home from work , we 'll be making a trip to the market . I mostly just need a few staples plus a few tasty meals for Pogo . This is always a challenge , trying to figure out what he might actually eat . He 's such a picky kid . He likes hamburgers , but if I cook two at once ( one for today and one for tomorrow ) he 'll only eat it on the day I cooked it . Now where did that come from ? A few days ago , I order myself a " spin mop " from a catalogue . It arrived yesterday afternoon , so either later today or tomorrow I 'll get to try it out . I have trouble wringing things with my hands , so I thought that this might make it easier for me . If it works , I 'll get another one for out in the house . Audrey is on the mend , but Dee Dee , Eddie and Kevin are still a bit under the weather . Hopefully , they 'll be well really soon . As for Audrey 's car , it was being towed away this morning by the insurance company . Now we 're just waiting for the decision - is it totaled or shall we fix it ? Well , that 's all the news for this morning . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all stay warm and have a fantabulous day . Hugs , Edna B . Good morning . At the moment , it 's 18F degrees with hopes of getting up to 30 degrees later today . Tomorrow is supposed to get a couple of degrees warmer . So that 's the day I 'll do my errands and the food shopping . For now , I 'll continue to stay indoors and putter around the house . Actually , yesterday my puttering managed tot get a lot accomplished . I got my my little drawer units moved from the kitchen into the pantry , and I got my microwave all cleaned up and moved over to its new spot . This all happened because I went into the kitchen to make a pot of corn chowder . As usual , I got side tracked and ended up cleaning instead of cooking . So the chowder will be first on my to - do list this morning . To make sure it gets done , I 've already started peeling the potatoes . Now I have to finish it ! Yesterday I mentioned a new photo project that my friend Mary Ann had told me about . It 's a 365 day photo project started by the Photographers Society of America ( PSA ) . One has to be a member in order to browse their website , so I 'm in the process of applying for membership . Meanwhile , I have the list of suggestions for January and February . For those of you who would like to give this a try , I 'll try posting a couple weeks suggestions at a time . Seeing as how we are already half way through January , I 'll post the whole list for January . Day 01 First Day 17 Expand I just started this project yesterday , so today I 'll post two photos for Day 13 , of part of the 193 vehicle " smash up " that took place a couple of days ago in Michigan . ( I think that 's the location . I forgot to write it down . ) I took these photos with my phone while watching the news on TV . . Today , I 'll try to catch up with photos for day 14 & 15 . When I can , I 'll try to get caught up with the first part of the month . Give it try and have fun . While checking my email yesterday , I got an email from one of my favorite catalogues , asking me to check out some of their new items . So of course I did . They always have such cute things to look at . However , one of their new items caught my eye . TV seems to be advertising a huge array of feminine products lately . Now , finally , there is a product for the guys . It 's amazing how far society has come with their attitude on personal products . Used to be , it was embarrassing to even try to buy personal products at a store . Now they are blatantly splashed all over the TV and in all our magazines . I suppose the good side of all of this is that folks really don 't have a reason not to be clean . Back to the weather , we do not have any ice outside here or on our roads , but a huge portion of the country is covered in ice . If you are in any of these areas , please do be careful if you have to go out today . If at all possible , stay home and let the highway department try to melt some of that ice . My daughter Audrey called me last evening after she had arrived back home from work . She started the conversation with " Do you want the good news or the bad news ? " Well , the good news was that she was okay . Oh boy , now I 'm getting nervous . The bad news was that her car might be totaled . On her way home , a huge buck ran into her car , and then managed to run off into the woods . The car , however , was heavily damaged . Even the driver 's door was jammed shut . Through it all , she managed to keep a sense of humor about her . She said " Mom , this was not how I wanted to get my deer " . Later , hubby Mac and a friend went off into the woods to look for the deer to make sure it was not lying wounded somewhere . Good morning . Wow , it was quite warm all through the night ( in the low thirties ) and by morning it has cooled down quite a bit . It is now 22 F degrees and getting colder as the day goes on into night . Yesterday 's nasty weather did not quite make it here . We mostly had a very light rain for about half of the day . However , a lot of other folks are getting a lot of icy roads today and tomorrow . I 've been watching the Weather Channel to see how close this ice gets to my daughter Audrey . She does not like driving on major roads , and the ice will make her drive to work ( and back home ) very treacherous . Be very careful Audrey . I have an image that I borrowed from the web of some rather interesting footwear . They are called " Hillbilly Shoe Covers " . You can buy them from a catalogue " The Lighter Side " for only $ 32 . 98 . Wearing these to work should make one 's day quite interesting ! You put them on right over your boots . ( or shoes too , I guess ) Could this maybe be the start of a new footwear craze ? News flash ! ! They are reporting now on TV that a 3 . 3 earthquake happened yesterday morning in the Plainfield , Connecticut area . So far , no injuries have been reported . This was the eighth earthquake in this area in just a week . Gosh , this is very unusual for this area . What in the world is happening in the weather realm ? ? ? ( TV says this earthquake was this morning , Google says it was yesterday . ) I promised you a photo of my " Sunshine " afghan . I took the photo with my phone last evening while I had the afghan on my lap . ( working on it ) When I have more of it done , I 'll take another photo . The colors are hard to capture under a regular lamp light . I 'll try taking the next photo in daylight to see the difference . I have another photo project to share , but first I need to check with a friend to see if it is okay to post it here on my blog . After all , it is not my own idea . Today , I was hoping to get out to shop for a new tree and more birdseed , but I may wait till tomorrow or Thursday when it is warmer . We 'll see . I 'm thinking that today is a good day to stay indoors and make a pot of corn chowder . Yup yup , I think that 's what I 'll do . Well that 's my news for this morning . Now I think I 'll have me another cup of coffee while I do a bit of blog reading . So , till tomorrow , Y ' all do stay warm and have a wonderful day . |
It is almost August . Wow . Well , I returned the capsule monitor today . I tried on Friday but they were closed . I have the results . I am bleeding in 2 spots in the small bowel . It isn 't too big and I don 't have to rush off to the ER ( Thank God for that ! ) but it does need to be fixed . I will get it fixed next Wednesday . I have to reschedule my lessons that day . I know 3 of my girls will be in Florida so it is only 2 girls that need to be rescheduled so that is good . I did have a new student today . Her name is Isabella and she is 13 . She has played piano for several years and did quite well for not playing for a long time . I was quite pleased with her lesson . Calli is cooking dinner tonight . She has a cookbook that she got the chicken recipe out off and it smells heavenly , let me tell you ! Simply heavenly ! ! ! I am quite excited to taste her creation ! It is almost finished . Heather B - T has a friend and her son visiting us today . She is a very nice lady that I am in a group online with . Her son and Acer are playing very nicely together . The Melatonin helped me fall asleep last night but it didn 't seem to help me stay asleep but hey , I slept for several hours before I woke up . I did wake up about every hour for about 4 hours but that is usual . I woke up at my usual time around noon . I went and dropped off the capsule monitor before coming home for Isaac 's lesson . He auditioned for the Michigan Opera Theatre Children 's Chorus this evening . He said he did well . I am glad . he is a good singer and I think he would add a lot to the choir and he would enjoy it a lot . I hope he makes it . Acer is auditioning too . I hope he makes it too . Isaac has a more classical sound that Acer but both are good singers . I would have Natalie try out but they are out of town this week so she is missing the audition date . I am going to try the Melatonin again tonight , only one . It helps some so that is better than nothing and it is better than the Valerian root . The Valerian root can be deadly if you take too much of it so I will be staying clear of it and sticking to the Melatonin . We had Calli 's creation for dinner and it was wonderful . She did a really good job with the chicken and veggies . Calli is learning to be such a good cook . I am so proud of her . Then she and I cleaned the kitchen after dinner . The kitchen is my job and Calli is my assistant . Calli is a very good assistant . We work well together when doing the dishes . We each have the things we do well and that is how we divide and conquer . It was a nice Sunday as far as the afternoon went . I had a bad headache in the morning so no church for me . I took Acer AND Calli to the store with me . Oh my ! I was so exhausted when we got back and they were really well behaved ! They played with the toys for a few minutes before we left . Overall , they were really good . I did need to take a brief nap when I got home although they were good . It was just exhausting to shop with both . I think once we go a few more times , I will get used to it . I love being with them . Calli is making dinner tomorrow . It is a recipe out of her recipe book . I am quite excited to see what her creation will taste like . She makes really good soup right now so I am sure the chicken will be good too . I am trying melatonin again for sleep . I am getting sleepy so I am hopeful I will have a good sleep or at least a better sleep than usual . I really need some good sleep . It is one of those annoying things that happen with fibro - no good sleep . I do hope for a bit better sleep tonight . It helps with so much stuff too so sleep is very important . Well , I did the test today . It took 8 hours and after I was hooked up , I was able to come home . Maisy and I took a nap before I had Isaac 's lesson . Maisy did well with Isaac once she stopped barking at him . He was even able to give her a treat . She sat near me during his lesson . She seems to like sitting near me during lessons . Sometimes , she even moves and sits closer to the kids . It is so cute when she does that . Anyways , I will find out in a few days what the results are with the camera through the digestive system test . The bleeding has been over for a couple of months so I don 't think they will find any or at least I hope they don 't ! I am not up for another bleeding session that is for sure . It was a very , very quiet day as my headache was really bad . I took 3 naps . Maisy napped with me . She and I were napping on and off all day . I had to get up super easy because I had to be at the doctor 's office by 8 am and I was there by 7 : 45 . I got hooked up and came home and went back to sleep . Maisy and I also took a couple of drives to run a couple of errands this afternoon . I wanted something to drink and then I wanted a salad with shrimp from Panera . I was just so hungry and really wanted shrimp . The rest had pizza for dinner . I wouldn 't have minded pizza except that I really wanted a salad . Sometimes , I just want a salad . I am weird that way . I love salads a lot . I had a little bit of a whoopsy moment this afternoon . I was lying on my side on my bed when the phone rang . I went to answer it and I knocked it off of my little table next to my bed . Well , I was reaching and reaching when , thump ! I literally fell out of bed taking the sheets with me . Maisy was looking down at me as if she wanted to jump down and join me . Fortunately , she didn 't . I am so glad about that . I didn 't hurt myself when I fell . I just surprised myself . Thankfully , I didn 't have trouble getting up . I WAS worried about that but I had no trouble . I was glad about that . I did put the sheets back on my bed so I won 't have an issue when I go to bed . Fashion Runway is back on for season 12 ! I love this show . It is interesting . I like to design for myself . I can 't draw worth beans so I couldn 't be a designer . I can sew pretty well , I am not super great , but overall , I am pretty good . Well time for words with friends and the rest of Fashion Runway ! I have the capsule scopy again tomorrow . The first one had the capsule malfunction and basically shut off after 3 hours . I really hope this one behaves . I am not happy about being up at the ridicules hour of 7 : 15 since I have to leave at 7 : 30 am but I will . Right when I get home , trust me , I will take a nap . I have Isaac 's lesson at 11 and that is the only lesson I have tomorrow . I hate getting up early . I am so not a morning person . My mother was and it drove me up the wall that she was . She would say that the morning was the best part of the day . I disagree , the night is the best part of the day . Anyways , I have to be so I will be . I asked Bill to make sure I am up and he said he will . It has finally cooled off a bit so I am glad about that . No more 100 degree temps for this week anyway . I am rather glad about that . We had an annoying neighbor incident today . I was backing up to go to the store when a neighbor down the road drove by our driveway very , very , very slowly . I was not impressed or happy about it . I have a feeling I know what neighbor it is and she is rather nosy . The grass was getting really long and it should have been cut last week but it was so hot that I really didn 't want Brandon to get heat stroke or heat sickness , it was just too hot plus there was a heat advisory , which means you can 't mow your lawn during the day . Well , it is done now and that is all that matters . Maisy was such a good girl during lessons today . She barely barked . Apparently though , she barked during the morning . That was not good . I tried to teach her the story of the dog that barked wolf , but she didn 't seem to understand . We did have good snuggles today though . She sat underneath the piano bench during all lessons today . It was so cute . She loves music and she seems to love the kids . After Heather B - T left this morning , Maisy came into my room and I lifted her up to put her on my bed . We both slept after that . We went for a brief ride after that . She is such a good little passenger . Maisy stays on her seat and rarely tries to get into my lap now . I have taught her that she needs to stay in the passenger seat . I love that dog . Acer has day camp this week . Today they went to a music place and Acer was in heaven . He loves everything music . I barely saw the little man today . I was so exhausted after lessons that I took a brief nap . I am watching Castle right now . I will be playing words with friends shortly before reading . I am now on the 7th book of the O ' Malley series by Dee Henderson . They are so good . I really enjoy them a lot . Kathy has just got to read them when I am done . I am disappointed that the Jennifer book is not a lend me book right now but the rest are . Bill checked yesterday about the game of thrones DVDs at the library . He is next for getting them . Right now they are out . I hope they come back soon . I look forward to seeing them . I really do . I tried to watch it on netflix but it kept stopping and it was hard to see . I did check the price today but I won 't buy it unless I really like it . I really hope I do . Everyone has gone on and on about how great it is so I do hope it is something I like . I am worried about the graphicness but I will find out , won 't I ? Pain level is just the normal pain today . I am not taking the valerian root tonight to see if that is part of the reason my head is worse than usual at bedtime . Well , off to play words with friends . Duchess Kate had a boy ! ! A new prince ! ! ! ! Oh ! ! ! ! I wonder what they will name the little lad ? I am so excited you would think I am related to the Duchess myself ! ( Trust me , I am so not - while my father 's family are English - they were all pirates , the real kind , not the make believe stories - kings and queens probably only had contact with my ancestors to hang them ) . My friend , Star and I are such royal watchers ! Heather B - T came into my room to tell me that Kate was in labor this morning ( our time ) . I was thrilled . I watched face book as much as I could today let me tell you . Now we are just waiting on the news on what they name it . Star is hoping for Arthur , David , Spencer , and a few others . Me ? I just want to know his name and see the little guys pictures . Acer is home from camp now so the house is filled with music again . He and I played band today and it was fun . We had to have a review lesson yesterday because he hadn 't practice in a week and forgot his songs . Well , as soon as I played the one line in his music , he remembered his piano piece immediately . He only forgot 1 line in his vocal piece so overall , Acer did really well . I knew once we started going through the pieces , he would remember right away . His memory for music is astonishing at times . At camp , his friend wrote a piece of a song that is the chorus to a song they are writing . We now know what chords are in it and what the structure is for the chorus . It is actually quite good . I am not surprised in a way because Acer 's musical ability is so much higher than most children his age . He is really an amazing musician . I think he even thinks in music at times . It is like a language that pours out of him . Acer and I are working on chord structure now . I think it is making even more sense now with the song that his friend wrote . I hope they can continue to work on this during the school year . I don 't know how old the young man is , but he seems as gifted as Acer or close . I think this will continue to inspire Acer to write his own music . He writes little melodies now and we are going to be working on accompaniments for them shortly . It seems so hard to believe that July is 2 / 3 over . How fast did this month go ? Super fast or what ? It really did . I am glad it is almost August though because there will be a couple of students coming back from vacation and a new one starting . I had a lot stop for the summer , more than usual and with a smaller amount of students than I used to have , it makes a big difference when bill time comes . I look forward to my school year when I have the regular amount . I look back and wonder how I used to teach 50 to 60 students a week with no problem . I taught 7 students one day and was totally exhausted . It took about 2 days to get back to my , now , normal self ! It is just insane . Anyways , I am going to be limiting how many lessons I have a day when school starts . I just have too . I can 't have that many a day because it will be way too many and I will crash and burn . I am so not up for another crash and burn hospital visit . That is what happens when I crash and burn . I end up in the hospital . Well , not interested in having that happen again . We have one family member in the hospital , I don 't want to be the second one . It is hard enough on my family to have Maia in the hospital and in the shape she is in . I don 't wish to be joining her . I really don 't so I am doing what I can to avoid that situation . I know you can 't always anticipate everything , but I am trying my best to anticipate that . Ohh , I just realized , I didn 't take my medicine today . Whoops . I didn 't fill my pill container last night like I used to . No wonder I am so light headed right now . I forgot my anxiety medicine . That also explains why my anxiety is rather high right now too . Sometimes , I just forget so much . Fibro fog needs to be gone from me ! Okay - I meant to do it earlier but I forgot when I left the counter . I just need to take care of this in a few minutes . Okay - I am done doing that ! I am trying to take Valerian Root at night to help with sleep . I am now up to the recommended dosage of 3 capsules a 1 / 2 hour before bed so I hope it helps . I really do . I will find out and report on it . One of my friends from Fibro Fighters on face book , suggested a combination of Valerian Root and Melatonin so if the Valerian Root alone doesn 't work then I shall add the Melatonin . She said about . 5 mg at night . I will try it next week if I need to . Hmm , just learned something about Valerian root . I think I will go back to Melatonin and increase the dosage . Heather B - T just told me some of the side effects and precautions . I need to research better . I will . It is almost dinner time ! ! ! ! I am not sure what all we are having but it smells good . Acer is helping . It is so sweet that he likes to help . He is a very helpful young man . He really is and so is Calli . I just got the 7 minute warning so time for me to go . Pain level is a lot higher since I haven 't had any pain medicine today so far . My anxiety is also high for the very same reason . I will take the evening dose of both the pain and the anxiety medicine with dinner . I should learn not to forget this done ! My cousin , Maia , as some of you know , has cancer and is very , very , very ill . At this point it is comfort care not cure care . I saw her today for the first time since she went into the hospital last week . Oh my , it is heartbreaking . She is in so much pain . Under her chin is so swollen , her left arm is swollen , and her left hand is swollen . They are causing such pain and uncomfortableness to her . I was there with Tilley and with Maia 's daughter , Danielle . I wanted to cry when I saw her but I held it in . She doesn 't need me crying too . With the medicine she is on , she falls asleep a lot but it isn 't good sleep like you would hope she gets . There so much I want to say but I can 't form the words to say it . I don 't know what to say other than what I already have said . I plan to go and see her again in a week or so . She will be moving to a different facility so that she will have the continual care she needs . She has less than 6 months . Oh my . I so hope they stop her nightmares that she has been having and control the pain better for her . Maia is such a wonderful woman , friend , as well as cousin . Maisy is home ! ! ! ! ! I am so glad . I have missed most of the little girl . I have not missed her barking extra for no reason or her doing doggy business in the house , but other than those two things , I have missed the snuggly dog . She is such a good snuggler . Maisy ran into the house looking for Brandon and I right away . ( Okay - maybe it was for her water bowl and we were there before it ) She came to us for pets and snuggles . We have had 2 snuggles already and I anticipate another one rather soon . Heather B - T and Bill are , of course , home too . They had a nice week and are relaxed and recharged . Tomorrow the little man , Acer , comes home . Ah , the noise level will surely go up from the silence that Brandon and I have been enjoying to well , Acer and his bop its , which he plays all day long . This week did go rather fast though so I didn 't really have time to miss anyone too much . With lessons during the week and the other things that I had to do , I was pretty busy . I am thrilled that Sammy and I finished changing the plastic cases to paper sleeves for the teaching CDs . That takes a big load off my mind . It really does . I am so glad it is finished . I have wanted to do this job for so long and now it is done . Sam is such a great kid . I can 't believe that she is going to be 16 next Sunday though . wow , wasn 't she just 14 ? It sure seems that way . We still have the original CDs left to do but that isn 't something that has to be done right now so that is okay . I can do those later . I also ran out of sleeves so I need more before I go and do that job too . The music is all put away . There is a chunk of music missing from like number 264 to 275 . I am not even sure what all is supposed to be there . I will look . It is a whole bunch of sab music ( meaning 3 part choral pieces ) . Hmm , I wonder where they got misfiled too because there are pieces in that group that haven 't been used in years and they were there then so they must have gotten misfiled somewhere or I hope that is what has happened to them . Maisy and I are having a delightful evening together . It was down pouring a few minutes ago but now it is nice out again . We have such strange weather . It has stormed almost everyday though this week . It was also extremely hot out ( hot for us ) today . The last few days have been high 90s low 100s . We should be getting some cooler weather this coming week . I do tend to ache more in the extreme heat . That is for sure . I hide inside and I ache less that way but when I am outside , I ache a lot more . Bill said he will bring me Game of Thrones home . He doesn 't think I will like it as I don 't do too well with blood and graphic violence , but Kathy and I want to watch it together . Neither of us are sure about it but we will try it . I am glad the library has it because I wouldn 't want to buy the entire season and then not like it at all . Apparently , you can get movies on itunes too ! I had no idea ! I may download the first episode . Kathy said it was only a few dollars so I may do that to see if I want Bill to bring it home . I don 't know . I have a movie I need to finish watching in the DVD player too . I can also watch movies on my nook from netflix . I think I may have mentioned it in another post but I can 't remember if I did or didn 't . Goofy old Fibro fog ! ! ! ! Well , I mentioned it now if I didn 't . I can 't watch netflix on my computer because my lovely computer is too old . Can you imagine ? It is too old ! Okay , okay , it is from either 2002 or 2003 or possible even 2004 although I think the G5 is from 2004 or 2005 . My laptop ( which is the one I use the most ) is an ibook G4 so , yeah , I know , it is a dinosaur for a computer but I love it and it works and I don 't want to get another anytime soon and yes , I am writing a run - on sentence ! I will get a new one eventually , but for now this works for what I need . I have to save for the hearing aids first ( I need $ 1140 ) for them . I actually have decided that perhaps I should break down and get them . I will try . I figure by end of October I should have enough to get them . That isn 't too far down the road , I mean , I waited this long , what 's another few months at this point ? Nothing . I just hope that I don 't get headaches from them . I AM worried about that . Perhaps I shouldn 't be , but I am . I get headaches so easy and I have one everyday , I am just worried that maybe the hearing aids will make the headaches worse . I just don 't know . I guess I will find out this fall . I have been playing words with friends on my nook . Right now I am actually WINNING one game with my friend , Mel ! So far , in the 2 months I have been playing , I have lost every single game . I am close to winning against Kathy too , which is surprising because she is VERY good at these type games . I enjoy playing and obviously , winning is not my main goal or I would have quit a while ago . I do enjoy playing the game and I currently am playing quite a few games with friends . 3 with Karlyn , 3 with Cheryl , 3 with Mrs . O , and several others too . It is fun and I am really learning a lot . I am now beating Kathy and I think we are both at a point where we can 't play anymore letters . How fun ! My pain level seems to be a bit higher because of the extreme ( to me ) heat and humidity . It is still manageable though so I am glad about that . I will need my scooter tomorrow because I am going to see Maia and she is in the hospital and they don 't have scooters there . There really isn 't anyway I can walk that far so I am bringing my scooter . I think we are staying for a short visit since Maia is so tired and not up for long visits and then off to dinner for a visit between the 2 of us . It is such a sad situation and my heart is breaking . Maia is a strong woman and has been fighting this cancer for over a year now . I can 't imagine life without her . Of course , I couldn 't imagine life without my mother either but it did happen . I prayed so hard that God would heal her and she got sicker and sicker . Sometimes i cry and want to know why ? Why does she have to be in so much pain ? Maia is in extreme pain all the time . She was getting pain meds every hour when she was home before she went into the hospital . I hope they have it in better control now . Maia has made her decisions and we will abide by them . I plan to visit as much as I can . She is such a good cousin . Lia ( Maia 's oldest ) will be in town next week so that is good . I don 't know if I will be able to see her but she will be able to see her mom . She and her husband are moving near by so they can be with her mom as much as possible . Right now , Lia is a few hours away . We didn 't get good news about Maia , my cousin today . She has months left to live before the cancer will take her . I knew it wasn 't good and I have had a feeling for a while that this was going to happen , it is just official now . She has the choice about continuing treatment or not . I haven 't spoken to her so I don 't know what she is going to pick . I am going over on Saturday . Maia is in the hospital now . She is in extreme pain , has trouble swallowing , and can 't get her IV because her lymphs are swollen . It is just heartbreaking . It is very hot here today . Tomorrow is supposed to be hotter then he will cool down . It isn 't as hot as it is in some parts of the country ( thank God for that ! ) but it is also pretty humid . I have only gone out a few times . I don 't go out much if I don 't have too . Brandon is supposed to cut the grass but with it this hot , I am not sure he will be able to . Maybe on Friday . I tend to ache more when it is this hot and humid . I don 't know if it is the extra humidity or what , but my head does ache more . I need to get a piece of music tomorrow for my student , Brooke Anne . I have the song Blessings for her but I also want her to sing , " Someone Like You " from Jekyll and Hyde . It is a lovely song . I have to take care of that earlier in the day . I only have one lesson tomorrow but my lovely Sammy is coming over to help with the CDs . She is such a good assistant . I really appreciate her help . I plan to get her a gift certificate when we are done organizing the music room . There are only a few things left to be done , but they are big things and I need help doing them . With the music mostly put away ( except for the band and orchestra instruments books ) , I have the CDs left and organizing the office supplies as well as putting away the Easter decorations . Yes , I know , they are still up . What can I say ? I just don 't think about them unless I am in the living room . When I see them I think about it but not when I am not in the room . I also have some pictures to put up . I have some really beautiful pictures that need to go up . They were once in my bedroom when I was in my old room . When I moved to the bigger room , I meant to put them up but I never got around to it . I have some pictures that need to go up in my bedroom too . Momma was an artist and there are 3 pictures that she painted specifically for me . 1 is a clown and it is up but the other 2 are cats and kittens that need to go up . I also have a beautiful picture from Prince Edward Island that Momma bought me when we were there . I will have either a Anne of Green Gables corneThe family room is coming along . There is some stuff in the room to sort but over all , most of the stuff is sorted and has a place for everything else . Most of my books downstairs will be donated now that I have a nook . There are a few exceptions , of course such as Anne of Green Gables books , Harry Potter books , and a few others but other than that , they will go . So far I have been giving them to Tilley to read and then she can either keep them or donate them herself . She has been reading an awful lot too . I think she is thinking about getting a kindle . I love my nook and rarely go anywhere without it when I need it for reading . I also play games and now I can even watch movies on it . I am thinking of upgrading to the HD big one before the end of the year . I think at the end of this year they may stop making them with all the other things that we can put on them . I don 't know . It is hard to say with Barnes and Nobles . I just know I love my e - reader . Kathy loves hers too . She is also planning to upgrade her nook too . Hers is getting slow and doesn 't always work . Since mine is less than a year old , I don 't have any issues with it getting slow or not working . I was so excited last night ! I was able to watch a movie on my nook ! ! ! ! I have wanted to watch this particular episode of Accused ( a BBC series ) from their second series for almost a year and I FINALLY got to see it last night . Now this was worth resigning up with netflix . I also have decided i want to see Game of Thrones . I have been listening for the last few years how good the show is and now I want to see it . Well , I can 't believe what I am about to write . I am cold sitting here in the air conditioning . It is much better than sitting in the heat though . I will just take the air conditioned house than the super hot weather outside . I wonder how Heather B - T and Bill are handling the heat and the kids at camp . I miss the little Maisy dog . I am learning the little " Snuggle Puppy " song to sing to her . Only 2 more days and the little doggy will be home along with Heather B - T and Bill ! I just want to snuggle with my Maisy Dog ! ! ! ! ! ! I also have to get some music for Isaac . I just remembered that too . I need to burn some CDs tomorrow . I have a list of what I need to do so I won 't forget . With this heat , brain fog tends to be worse than usual . I have lost 2 more pounds bringing the grand total up to 24 pounds ! I was hoping for a few more pounds but hey , 2 pounds is better than nothing . Sometimes , it seems like it will take forever to lose all the weight I need but it won 't seem like that in the long run . I am just anxious to get to my goal . I have decided that I have been eating too many chocolate chip muffins again . I am done with them . Plus , I have had a slight upset stomach from them the last few days so I am done with them . I am not sure if I should continue to take the safflower oil , the omega 3 , 6 , 9 , and the CLA . I don 't know if it is helping or not . I have asked for opinions on one of my fibro support groups on facebook . One of the support groups are very into supplements and things like that so I will see what others who take it think . With the amount of weight I need to lose , I want to stay as healthy as I can . I no longer wish to eat what is not healthy . If it isn 't healthy , I don 't want to eat it . It just isn 't worth it anymore . I can 't afford to gain anymore weight , I just can 't . I already have difficulty walking so hey , I need to lose this excess me . Today has been pretty busy so far . I had a couple of lessons before I had a doctor 's appointment . I went to the gastro doctor today . I have to have the camera scopy test again since the last one shut down 3 hours after it started . I will have it next Thursday morning . I will have it on all day . I hope it behaves this time . I don 't want to have to do this one again . Isaac had his lesson today . I haven 't seen him in several weeks . It is normal for summer with him . I will see him again on Friday . He is a very nice young man . We tried some songs . He sort of liked 2 and liked 1 . I will copy the three of them . I want him to try some from the other book too so I am not sure what he will like . He always surprises me . What I think he will for sure like , he doesn 't and what I am not sure about , he likes . Isaac is an unpredictable boy but I don 't mind . I just have one more tonight and then I am finished for the night . I am not sure what all I am going to do tonight . I have a few things I should do , but I don 't know if I want to do them . The procrastinator in me might win ! I don 't know ! It is a hard thing to chose some days . I am tired today though . I got up early so I should have an easier time sleeping tonight . Tomorrow is a quiet day too . I only have a few lessons too . Tuesday and Wednesday are my busiest days . I am hoping for some new students soon to replace the ones who have quit this summer . I don 't know who will come back except for Sally and Emily because they are just marked absent , not quit . This way , they don 't lose their scheduled time and they will start when they come back . Emily is in Poland for the summer . I hope she is having a good time . Sally is up in the UP in Saulte Ste . Marie . I have been up there . It is simply beautiful . The upper peninsula has some of the most beautiful spots in Michigan . I haven 't been there for years . Maybe next summer . This summer is pretty much a stay around home one except for the small trip to visit Kathy one weekend . I don 't know when that will be so I am open to when Kathy is available for me to come even if it is in September . I am watching Castle as I wait for Diana to arrive for her lesson . I like this show a lot . I only discovered it this year . I know I am slow on these things but hey , what can I say ? I am going to netflix Game of Thrones too . I can now get it on my nook . I can 't get it on my computer because my little computer and my big computer are too old . I am disappointed in that . My screen on my nook is smaller than my computer but oh well , I will survive . I don 't think Game of Thrones is on netflix . I am a bit frustrated now . Well , I will check into it . I am new to netflix so I am not sure what is all on it and what isn 't . Good thing I can put things in my instant que on my computer and then watch them on my nook . It is the middle of summer , the middle of July . I think it is 88 degrees right now , which isn 't too bad . It could be in the 100s like it is for some of my friends . I am thankful that it is not that hot and although there have been some days that were rather warm , nothing like in the 3 digits . I tried the Valerian root last night but it didn 't help . I am not sure if it was because for some odd reason I was so awake at that time or if it was because I only took 1 at first and then another one an hour and a half later . Either way , i didn 't really fall asleep before about 5 am . I am my normal tired today . It has been suggested to combine some of the vitamins too such as a small amount of melatonin and the valerian root . I will try this first and then try that . I am going to get a book that one of the ladies in a support group suggests . There is so much that can be done naturally instead of with chemicals that I want to try . The book is called from fatigue to fantastic . She says it has helped her a lot . It has not cured her , which would make me super suspicious as there is no cure , but it has helped . I am just looking for help . I know there is no cure . I figure every little bit adds up , right ? It can only not work for me . I know my conditions , I know the medicines I have to take . For example , I will never be able to not take the coumadin . I have a blood disorder that causes blood clots so stopping a blood thinning medicine would not be good for me . I also will have to continue with the reglan too because my stomach doesn 't digest properly . The last one is the synthroid because my thyroid doesn 't work . I do hope that Dr . R and I do find some headache medicine that will help lessen my headaches . It is tiring having a headache every single day , all day long . It never ends and hasn 't for over 10 years . This particular headache started in March of 2003 when I came down with the vasculitis . It hasn 't ended yet . Yup , over 10 years at this point . I can 't remember not having a headache anymore just like I can 't remember not being tired or having pain somewhere in my body ( besides my head ) . Tonight I will be cooking dinner . Yes , that is what I wrote , don 't faint , I am cooking . I am grilling steak , then cutting it up to put in fried rice with asparagus . With just Brandon and I this week , we won 't have to cook a whole lot of food although we made a lot of rice so we could have some for the rest of the week . Neither of us really like to cook that much . I do plan for us to have Chipotle one night . I don 't know when that will be but one night . The house is very quiet with just the to of us but it is a nice change . I look forward to them all coming home but it is a nice change . I do miss that little Maisy dog a lot already though . She is such a sweet and lovable dog . I simply adore her . Not that anyone who has read this doesn 't already know . I do not miss the bop it noises though . I must confess that . The game is very loud and can be annoying but the joy Acer gets from it outweighs any annoyance it gives me . Although , I can at times , ask him to play in a different room . We didn 't get any bop it pinball in on Saturday because my headache was just too bad . It has been a quiet day . Rick had his lesson . He is doing very well with his piano lessons . He played through the entire piece of " Fur Elise " by Beethoven today for the very first time today . I was very pleased about that and his sight reading wasn 't too bad either . Tilley came by to pick up a package for Maia . I also gave her the gifts for Warren and Phoenix . Their birthday party is next week and I have to teach so i won 't be attending . I will be going to Tilley 's on Saturday for a few hours so she can go and run some errands . I will stay with Maia while she is gone . I don 't plan to stay very long , just a few hours while Tilley does what she needs to do . Maia will probably sleep the whole time so I will bring my nook with me . Maia is very ill and she isn 't going to get any better . I am going to try to go and see her as much as I can on the weekends . This way , I will also be able to relieve Tilley and then she will be able to go and do errands or go out for a few hours if she wants to . This is very hard on her . She cried a bit today talking about it . My pain level is higher today . I am not sure why or if there is even a reason . I just know that it is . I am trying something different for sleep tonight . I am trying the Valerian Root . Tonight is the first night so we shall see how this will work . I am hoping for better results than just the Tylenol PM that I have been taking for a while . Advil PM didn 't really work any better . I just get so tired of not sleeping . I know most of us with fibro have sleeping problems but I haven 't exhausted all the options yet . I have tried the prescription sleeping pills and I got horrible nightmares from the Ambient CR . The others did nothing for me . I was awake all night long . I tried melatonin and that didn 't work either so I am trying this too . I hope it works or works better than the Tylenol PM . I have a few more lessons this week since a couple of students are back from vacation . I am glad about that . On the days I don 't have lessons , it is pretty boring around here . I would rather teach a few lessons each day than have a few days with no lessons but it just happens that way sometimes . This week only Saturday has no lessons so that is why I can go to Maia and Tilley 's . I am watching a marathon of Law and Order : Criminal Intent . They have all been new to me episodes except for the first one . That one I have seen before but the other 3 , including the one I am watching now , I have not seen . On words with friends , I was so excited , I got a word worth 108 points ! ! ! ! I know ! ! ! ! Isn 't that just totally awesome ? ? ? I was so excited ! ! ! I am now ahead of my cousin - in - law , Cheryl . I may even win for a change . I have been playing this game for about 6 weeks now and I have yet to actually win a game . I don 't particularly care too much about winning because I am still learning how to play and what words work and words don 't so until I have this down pat , I am not too worried about winning . Most of my friends who I am playing against have been playing for a very long time . There are a couple who play at my level but we just recently started playing against each other . Maisy is on vacation with Bill and Heather B - T this week . I miss the little dog . I did get a good snuggle from her before she left and I did ask if Heather B - T was sure she was taking Maisy . She said yes . They will be back by Friday so that isn 't too long . If this week is anything like any other week , it will fly by . Maisy did pee underneath the dining room table though before she left . I will NOT miss her peeing in the house . I will just miss the little dog . She is such a heart stealer . She stole mine that is for sure ! Ah , a Saturday . A Saturday with no lessons and no plans . I was going to visit Maia , but she isn 't up to a visit right now so I stayed home , which actually turned out better as I started not feeling too well this afternoon . I am very exhausted and I just don 't feel well over . There isn 't anything specific , it is just all over . I had to take a nap this afternoon right away when I was in the middle of reading face book at around 2 : 30 pm . All of a sudden , I just couldn 't stay awake and my head was not a happy camper so up the stairs Maisy and I went . I put her on my bed and we snuggled for a few minutes and then I went to sleep so did she . I slept for 2 hours . My head still hurts a lot but I couldn 't sleep anymore . Tomorrow , the kids go to camp . They are looking forward to it . I know they will have a really good time . I will miss them terribly but camp is such a good experience for them . Calli has attended several and she always learns a lot and has a good time . I expect Acer will too . In our house , summer is very busy . Rarely do we hear the words , I am bored around here . There is always something to do or somewhere to go . With the overnight camps , the day camps , the kids are very busy . I barely have time with them during the days they are home . Today is wash and pack day so they will be ready to leave first thing tomorrow morning . I will still be sleeping when they leave as I won 't be getting up as early as them . Acer is playing one of his many bop its . He knows all about every single model ever made including the one coming out this fall . He simply adores them . Acer likes to play the bop it pinball on the internet but today I am just not up to it . It can get quite loud and my head can 't handle that much loudness right now . I don 't think there is a bop it that Acer has tried that he doesn 't like . He even has them on his Ipod . On Acer 's Ipod is this song called , " Snuggle Puppy " . It is so cute and I want to learn all the words so that I can sing it to Maisy . Yes , I am that dorky ! I will sing to the dog ! ! ! ! ! As music flows through my head all the time , it shouldn 't surprise anyone that I would sing that to the sweetest , most adorable , girl doggie in the entire world , otherwise known as Maisy . Yes , I am sure by now , you know how much I adore that little dog . She is an excellent nap partner too . We took a good long nap until Heather B - T came home . At that point , well , she went to see who was here but that was near the end . I did feel her leave and peeked at the time . I got up about 15 minutes later since I really couldn 't sleep anymore . Pain level is a bit higher than usual today . It is really nice out and not very humid so I am not sure exactly why . Anxiety is doing fine , for a change . Actually , it is really nice out . It is a perfect day to go for a scooter again but it is too late in the day for Acer or Calli to go with me as Bill will be home from work in a while and then we will have dinner . After that the kids will have to finish up packing and go to bed . It is kind of funny how we have to get the scooter in and out of the garage . Acer has to climb on the scooter , put the key in and then back it out . There is only enough room for him to get in and out of the scooter , none for anyone else . When we come back , he has to drive it back in to the garage . It is amusing because a little blind boy drives my scooter in and out of the garage . Now the kids are arguing over what is going the notetaker of Acer 's . I love it when they get along and not when they argue . They are getting along again for a few minutes . Ah , the life with children ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I had a meeting with the group that will be helping to pay part of my hearing aids . They will pay 60 % of the cost , which is totally awesome . I have to figure out how long it will take for me to be able to save the balance , which is the 40 % . It should be a few months and then I will have good hearing , something I haven 't had since I was 13 and I had that horribly long ear infections in both ears that I never told my mother about . Yeah , I have cautioned Calli to never do that . Even if she is worried about telling her mom or dad about something that is wrong with her , she must tell them immediately . She said she would . I think I am a good example of what can happen if you don 't . Anyways , in a couple of months I will be hearing sounds I haven 't heard since I was a child . It will be weird . Calli is reading to Acer right now . It is a good story . I have been listening too . It is a mystery story . Acer loves to have people read to him . Last night , he wanted me to read to him before bed . I read 2 small stories and then he went to bed . I like to read before bed too . We are all readers in this house . It is a lovely thing to be in this house . Acer likes to read also . He has read a few books to me . I get such a joyous feeling when I hear him or Calli read . It makes me smile . Calli reads very well out loud . It is beautiful outside today . I actually want to take my scooter out and go for a scooter . Maybe Calli will want to go for a scooter walk today after Acer 's lesson . It is just that beautiful . The temperature is perfect along with the humidity level . It isn 't too humid and too hot . I haven 't scootered in a while either . We may even be able to bring Maisy . She loves to go for walks . Maisy and Q both love to go for walks . I don 't need to go for a long one , just enough to soak up the sun and the beautiful weather . I will ask after Acer 's lesson . Acer might want to go to . Who knows . One never knows in this house . I do like my scooter even though I wish I didn 't need one . I don 't expect that I will still need it even when I am thinner . It isn 't the fibro that causes me to need it so much as it is the arthritis . With the arthritis that is , as my doctor has said , riddled through my lower back , I cannot stand for very long nor can I walk very long or very far . When I have lost about 30 more pounds then I plan to start walking more outside of the house . My goal is to go to the top of the street and back without needing the scooter . I figure that maybe I will be able to go farther than I can , but as for walking for miles like I used to , I know I won 't be able to do that . I have a few students today . Acer is one of them . Ryan has been on vacation for 2 weeks so he is back today . I am glad . I miss my students when they are not here for their lessons . I don 't have that many so I do miss them when they are gone . Robyn is ill today so she won 't be coming . She has a summer cold and is planning to go to the doctor this afternoon . I hope she feels better next week . Well , Mr . Acer is anxiously awaiting for the bop it pinball on the computer so I am going to have to end this now . He is most impatient . I don 't blame him . He loves bop its a lot . We hear bop it games all day long . Acer even makes the noises himself when he isn 't playing the games . I love the harry potter books and movies . I remember being on vacation when the 5th book came out . I so wanted to buy it but I didn 't have enough because I bought a bit of Anne of Green Gables stuff . That was alright . As soon as I got home , I discovered Momma already bought me the book ! So had I bought it , I would have had 2 copies . Momma loved doing surprises like that for us . It didn 't matter to her we were adults . We were still her children and she loved surprising us . With me , it was usually books or music . I also , liked to surprise Momma with treats . For several years in a row , at Christmas , I surprised her with tickets to a musical . The last one we saw was the " White Christmas " at the Fox Theatre . Momma and I really enjoyed it . I cannot count the amount of musicals we saw both on TV , in the Movies , or live at a theatre . I miss my musical theatre partner so much . It isn 't the same without her . I do want to see some but I don 't really have anyone to go with anymore . Tonight , Acer wanted me to read him stories at bedtime . I was planning to go to choir but he wanted me to read stories so I didn 't go . It isn 't anything new . It has been so long since I have been there . I was feeling alright except I did have a bit of a bad headache too . I was proud of myself because I told him I would read 2 stories and I stuck to it . He tried to get another but I stuck to 2 . That hasn 't happened before . I usually cave and read another if not 2 more . Well , tonight I didn 't . Maisy and I took a ride to get gas this afternoon . She is a good little passenger . She really is . She stays on the passenger side most of the time . If I open the window , then she comes over to my side to see what is going on but other than that , she stays on the passenger seat . I love that little dog . I was purposely driving Calli crazy this afternoon . There is a song called " Snuggle Puppy " that is on Acer 's IPod . It is such a cute song . I only know part of it but I was singing over and over the part I know . She was like , ugh ! We did have good giggles about it though , which was my goal . I have been having trouble sleeping , which I know so many of us have . It has been a problem for years like so many of us but lately , it just seems to be even worse . I have tried ambien , rosarim , and other sleeping pills . I have also tried melatone and Tylenol pm and Advil pm too . I now have a list of other herbs and supplements to try . Yesterday , I slept about 15 hours , well , I was in bed for about 15 hours and it seemed like I didn 't sleep at all . I wake up every night about 2 then every hour until about 5 or 6 then again about 9 before I finally get up anytime between 11 and 1 . I am thankful that I live in a house with people who do not give me a hard time about how much I sleep or the hours I keep . Both Heather B - T and Bill are very much of the thought that if I need the sleep then sleep . I did have to take a nap 2 hours after I woke up and I got up at 1 pm . I slept for about an hour from 3 to 4 so I did feel better . I am getting tired again now but as it is 9 : 45 that is not a bad thing . Tomorrow I have to get up at 11 : 30 for Elizabeth 's lesson at noon . I am meeting with Michigan Works tomorrow . I need a letter from Heather B - T for them and then I have everything I need . It is to help me get hearing aids that I need . I am finally breaking down and getting them . I didn 't realize how much I needed them until Heather B - T and crew moved in . I cannot hear her at all when she calls me from upstairs or downstairs if I am in the dining room . I just can 't . I am hoping that I don 't get worse headaches though . I am nervous about that . We shall see , I suppose . I have been losing weight these past few months . I am glad about that . I am off the Amitryptiline medicine that helped me gain weight . The medicine I am now has a side effect of losing weight and decreasing the appetite . I am also working on portions and eating properly too so it isn 't all medicine . I am working hard too . I also take safflower oil , cla , and omega 3 . 6 . 9 . I don 't know how much of the weight loss they are adding to but I am taking them . Overall , the pain levels don 't seem to be changing all that much except for , of course the headaches and my right hip pain . The right hip hurts a lot as well as the right lower side of the back . I don 't know if it is arthritis or the kidney or who knows what . Well , I am going to play my words with friends as I finish up the last hour of the movie . I love Harry Potter ! I will say that Anne of Green Gables is my all time favorite character EVER and her books are the best ever but Harry Potter is second . They are amazing too just not quite as amazing as Anne of Green Gables . It is Independence Day , July the 4th ! ! ! ! ! Independence is something that I think every parent wants for their children too . I would have to say , I was semi - independent . I never moved from my childhood home . When I was in my mid 20 's and graduated from University , my friends were ALL having issues with their roommates or roommate boyfriends , just tons and tons of drama . I asked if I had to move out and Momma said no so I didn 't . Good thing too because within a year , I had gotten very ill and was pretty much bed ridden at that point . When I got a bit better and could live on my own , I didn 't want to move so I didn 't . That also was a good thing too because , well , I got the vasculitis and it took 6 weeks for doctors to figure out what was wrong with me . I never really recovered from that . Then Momma started with the Alzheimer 's Disease so she needed me as much as I needed her . Here in our house , I am once again pretty independent . I pay my bills and teach my lessons . We split the house chores between all of us . Independence is so important for people and to live in a country where Independence is not only encouraged but the goal is a wonderful . Momma really wanted all of us 3 to be Independent but none of us counted on me getting so sick so young . I do think that despite my being ill , I am pretty independent . I temporarily forgot that Calli was 13 . I kept telling her she was 12 . Whoops ! Nothing like forgetting how old the teenager is ! Acer is 8 1 / 2 . I was speaking to a Mom who 's daughter took lessons a couple of summers ago and her daughter is now 8 1 / 2 too . That 1 / 2 is so important to the kids . Me ? I don 't want to add anything to my age that is for sure . Heather B - T 's birthday is tomorrow ! Calli is giving me gray hair . Right now , Castle is on . It is running a marathon . I love this show too . Since the kids were in the room , I muted the sound . This is an interesting episode . It was a relaxing day after all . I thought I was going to have 8 ( yes , 8 ) lessons today . This is more than usual , believe me ! Well , I had 2 . The rest either canceled or came an hour late and I had another lesson at that time or forgot about the lessons . I was worried about how I would handle the day as I usually only have a few lessons a day . I used to routinely teach 8 to 12 lessons a day but now , I just can 't do that . It is too tiring for me and I ache too much after teaching that much . You wouldn 't think so as I teach music , but it takes a lot of energy to teach music and I get tired really easy . Heather B - T 's friend , Deedee has moved back here from Spain and was visiting this afternoon . It was a lovely afternoon . The kids got along really well and they stayed for dinner . The kids were a bit nervous around Q and Maisy , but they did okay with them . I am much more relaxed now that the results are good . I had a nice visit with Kathy during lunch and after . Acer had to show her all his toys . She went upstairs and got the tour of Acer 's toys . She really enjoyed Acer showing her his toys and talking to Calli . I think the kids really enjoyed visiting with Kathy too . I am planning to go and see Kathy next month sometime . She will let me know when will be a good time . Rizzoli and Isles is on right now . I love this show . It is the new season . Tomorrow , Bill will be bringing home Season 3 of Rizzoli and Isles for me to watch over the week . I don 't have any plans on the 4th except for the one lesson I have in the afternoon . I don 't really ever have too many plans on the 4th . When I was young , it was a day of extra work around the house . I remember one year in high school , I had permission to go to the beach with a friend on the 4th but at the last minute Momma changed her mind . I was so upset . She bought a new shed and wanted us to put it up on the holiday . I could go to the beach after I was done . Well , we didn 't get done until the next day . I was so upset and angry at her . Unfortunately , this was something Momma did a lot . It was definitely one of her not so good qualities . We all have them , but that one used to really make me angry . I never really knew until I was out the door or at the activity if I really could attend or not . Despite all that , I still miss her so much . Sometimes it seems like yesterday that she passed away and sometimes it seems years and years ago . Sometimes it still physically hurts that she is gone and sometimes it is just hurts in general . Overall , I am doing better than I was but I don 't expect to ever stop missing her in general . From what I have been told by my friends who have also lost their mothers , I probably won 't . Most of them still miss their moms a lot . I was definitely a Momma 's girl that is for sure . I guess when I was small I was a Daddy 's girl until he left and then I became attached to the hip with my Momma . That is what she told me anyway . Well , on to playing Words with friends and reading . I am still on the 3rd book of the O ' Malley series . It is just so good ! The results are in and here they are : I do not , at this point have cancer . There are clear cells present but nothing to worry about at this point . The mass has not grown too much in 5 years either . It went from 2 . 7 to 2 . 9 so that isn 't too significant . I am pleased with this . It needs to be monitored but that is okay . I can deal with the monitoring . I am just glad I don 't have cancer . I was very worried and I know Kathy was too . Heather B - T drove us and we all went into the doctor 's office . I had both Heather B - T and Kathy come incase it was positive and I needed to really pay attention on what to do next . Heather B - T and I did read up on clear cells and since my mass is only 2 . 9 and not 7 centimeters , we are not too worried about it . If it grows , then we will worry about it . I do need to have the mass re - checked in 3 months but that is okay . I will have it done . I don 't have any lessons today . Monday is usually a light day anyway but Bob needed to reschedule until tomorrow since he had to work this afternoon . It won 't be a problem to have his lesson tomorrow . It will be a bit busier but that is okay . Kathy and I went to lunch today . We went to Chipotle . It was the first time I had been there in about 3 weeks . I used to go weekly but not anymore . I am working on eating here at home more . It is better for me and it saves me money , which is something I need to do too . I plan to visit Kathy this summer in August for a couple of days . We always have a good time . I stay at a hotel because there just isn 't enough room at her house for me to stay . I try to stay at a place that has a pool so the kids can come and swim . That is always a good thing . It is nice to have the kids have a pool and come and swim . They swim and Kathy and I chat . Kathy left shortly after lunch . It was so funny before we went . Kathy pulled out her phone and was having trouble reading it so I handed her my reading glasses and they helped her read the phone . She was not too happy about that so right after lunch we went and got her reading glasses . They are similar to mine as far as the prescription goes but a slightly different style . Hers also comes with a case just like mine do . I also got some more tea as we were almost completely out . I put the picture of Maisy in one of my Disney frames today . She looks so adorable in the Winnie the Pooh frame on the piano . She is such a cute dog . I tell her all the time what a good girl she is and how she is the cutest little girl dog in the world . I think she realizes that she has me wrapped around her little paw . I just love Maisy so much . I had no idea I would get so attached to her but I sure have . I even have her sleep on my bed when Heather B - T and Bill aren 't home . I know , me ! Miss , I don 't want a dog on my bed ! Well , I do ! ! That little girl sleeps on my bed when they aren 't home and I am not ready to get up yet . She likes to sleep at my feet . She sleeps on her back and it is so cute . Her little paws are in the air and oh , it is the cutest thing ! Kathy FINALLY got to meet Maisy today . Maisy was a bit nervous at first but then she came around to Kathy especially after Kathy gave her a treat . We all gigI am going to take the Easter stuff down ( finally ) off the 2nd piano . I know , I know , I should have done it a long time ago , but I didn 't . I couldn 't find a box to put them in . I wanted a plastic box not a cardboard box and I kept forgetting to go to the store and get one or when I got to the store I would forget to get one . Now , I have one . I have had it for a couple of weeks but I still haven 't done it yet . Well , I need the space for Maisy 's picture so I have to do it today . I also want both of Mom 's pictures on the 2nd piano instead of one on each piano . The one on the piano that I use the most gets pushed back and I am afraid that it will fall behind the piano and then no one will be able to get it because there is no way to get stuff from behind the pianos so I need to move the one picture . I also want to put up the rest of my beanie babies that I am keeping back on the piano . They look so sweet up there . I have lots of Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals that belong on the piano when it isn 't Christmas or Easter . It is a bit chilly today but I don 't mind . I have a really cute hoodie sweater that goes with all my dresses . I did buy myself a new top today . It was super cute and lacy at the top . It is tan and I think It will go very nicely with the blue skirt or the coral skirt . I do have to take the turquoise skirt and the coral skirt to Nancy to fix . I need to do that this week if she is at work . The seams are on the outside and I don 't like that at all . I want seams on the inside . A few years ago , that was the style but I don 't like it so since there is so much work needed to do with it , I am taking it to her . I also will need to get some fall dresses and winter ones too since I do not plan to get any pants . I like skirts and dresses so much better . I also plan to make me some skirts and dresses . I like sewing with people not so much on my own . Star wants to do some sewing so we are going to do some together . Last year , Aggie and I made her costume for the yomicon weekend and this year she is making it herself ! Posted by I teach music and sewing to the most amazing kids in the world . I like to read and do crafts in my spare time . I also love reading blogs about other peoples life . I hope you enjoy reading mine . I also have fibromyalgia and arthritis . |
It is almost August . Wow . Well , I returned the capsule monitor today . I tried on Friday but they were closed . I have the results . I am bleeding in 2 spots in the small bowel . It isn 't too big and I don 't have to rush off to the ER ( Thank God for that ! ) but it does need to be fixed . I will get it fixed next Wednesday . I have to reschedule my lessons that day . I know 3 of my girls will be in Florida so it is only 2 girls that need to be rescheduled so that is good . I did have a new student today . Her name is Isabella and she is 13 . She has played piano for several years and did quite well for not playing for a long time . I was quite pleased with her lesson . Calli is cooking dinner tonight . She has a cookbook that she got the chicken recipe out off and it smells heavenly , let me tell you ! Simply heavenly ! ! ! I am quite excited to taste her creation ! It is almost finished . Heather B - T has a friend and her son visiting us today . She is a very nice lady that I am in a group online with . Her son and Acer are playing very nicely together . The Melatonin helped me fall asleep last night but it didn 't seem to help me stay asleep but hey , I slept for several hours before I woke up . I did wake up about every hour for about 4 hours but that is usual . I woke up at my usual time around noon . I went and dropped off the capsule monitor before coming home for Isaac 's lesson . He auditioned for the Michigan Opera Theatre Children 's Chorus this evening . He said he did well . I am glad . he is a good singer and I think he would add a lot to the choir and he would enjoy it a lot . I hope he makes it . Acer is auditioning too . I hope he makes it too . Isaac has a more classical sound that Acer but both are good singers . I would have Natalie try out but they are out of town this week so she is missing the audition date . I am going to try the Melatonin again tonight , only one . It helps some so that is better than nothing and it is better than the Valerian root . The Valerian root can be deadly if you take too much of it so I will be staying clear of it and sticking to the Melatonin . We had Calli 's creation for dinner and it was wonderful . She did a really good job with the chicken and veggies . Calli is learning to be such a good cook . I am so proud of her . Then she and I cleaned the kitchen after dinner . The kitchen is my job and Calli is my assistant . Calli is a very good assistant . We work well together when doing the dishes . We each have the things we do well and that is how we divide and conquer . It was a nice Sunday as far as the afternoon went . I had a bad headache in the morning so no church for me . I took Acer AND Calli to the store with me . Oh my ! I was so exhausted when we got back and they were really well behaved ! They played with the toys for a few minutes before we left . Overall , they were really good . I did need to take a brief nap when I got home although they were good . It was just exhausting to shop with both . I think once we go a few more times , I will get used to it . I love being with them . Calli is making dinner tomorrow . It is a recipe out of her recipe book . I am quite excited to see what her creation will taste like . She makes really good soup right now so I am sure the chicken will be good too . I am trying melatonin again for sleep . I am getting sleepy so I am hopeful I will have a good sleep or at least a better sleep than usual . I really need some good sleep . It is one of those annoying things that happen with fibro - no good sleep . I do hope for a bit better sleep tonight . It helps with so much stuff too so sleep is very important . Well , I did the test today . It took 8 hours and after I was hooked up , I was able to come home . Maisy and I took a nap before I had Isaac 's lesson . Maisy did well with Isaac once she stopped barking at him . He was even able to give her a treat . She sat near me during his lesson . She seems to like sitting near me during lessons . Sometimes , she even moves and sits closer to the kids . It is so cute when she does that . Anyways , I will find out in a few days what the results are with the camera through the digestive system test . The bleeding has been over for a couple of months so I don 't think they will find any or at least I hope they don 't ! I am not up for another bleeding session that is for sure . It was a very , very quiet day as my headache was really bad . I took 3 naps . Maisy napped with me . She and I were napping on and off all day . I had to get up super easy because I had to be at the doctor 's office by 8 am and I was there by 7 : 45 . I got hooked up and came home and went back to sleep . Maisy and I also took a couple of drives to run a couple of errands this afternoon . I wanted something to drink and then I wanted a salad with shrimp from Panera . I was just so hungry and really wanted shrimp . The rest had pizza for dinner . I wouldn 't have minded pizza except that I really wanted a salad . Sometimes , I just want a salad . I am weird that way . I love salads a lot . I had a little bit of a whoopsy moment this afternoon . I was lying on my side on my bed when the phone rang . I went to answer it and I knocked it off of my little table next to my bed . Well , I was reaching and reaching when , thump ! I literally fell out of bed taking the sheets with me . Maisy was looking down at me as if she wanted to jump down and join me . Fortunately , she didn 't . I am so glad about that . I didn 't hurt myself when I fell . I just surprised myself . Thankfully , I didn 't have trouble getting up . I WAS worried about that but I had no trouble . I was glad about that . I did put the sheets back on my bed so I won 't have an issue when I go to bed . Fashion Runway is back on for season 12 ! I love this show . It is interesting . I like to design for myself . I can 't draw worth beans so I couldn 't be a designer . I can sew pretty well , I am not super great , but overall , I am pretty good . Well time for words with friends and the rest of Fashion Runway ! I have the capsule scopy again tomorrow . The first one had the capsule malfunction and basically shut off after 3 hours . I really hope this one behaves . I am not happy about being up at the ridicules hour of 7 : 15 since I have to leave at 7 : 30 am but I will . Right when I get home , trust me , I will take a nap . I have Isaac 's lesson at 11 and that is the only lesson I have tomorrow . I hate getting up early . I am so not a morning person . My mother was and it drove me up the wall that she was . She would say that the morning was the best part of the day . I disagree , the night is the best part of the day . Anyways , I have to be so I will be . I asked Bill to make sure I am up and he said he will . It has finally cooled off a bit so I am glad about that . No more 100 degree temps for this week anyway . I am rather glad about that . We had an annoying neighbor incident today . I was backing up to go to the store when a neighbor down the road drove by our driveway very , very , very slowly . I was not impressed or happy about it . I have a feeling I know what neighbor it is and she is rather nosy . The grass was getting really long and it should have been cut last week but it was so hot that I really didn 't want Brandon to get heat stroke or heat sickness , it was just too hot plus there was a heat advisory , which means you can 't mow your lawn during the day . Well , it is done now and that is all that matters . Maisy was such a good girl during lessons today . She barely barked . Apparently though , she barked during the morning . That was not good . I tried to teach her the story of the dog that barked wolf , but she didn 't seem to understand . We did have good snuggles today though . She sat underneath the piano bench during all lessons today . It was so cute . She loves music and she seems to love the kids . After Heather B - T left this morning , Maisy came into my room and I lifted her up to put her on my bed . We both slept after that . We went for a brief ride after that . She is such a good little passenger . Maisy stays on her seat and rarely tries to get into my lap now . I have taught her that she needs to stay in the passenger seat . I love that dog . Acer has day camp this week . Today they went to a music place and Acer was in heaven . He loves everything music . I barely saw the little man today . I was so exhausted after lessons that I took a brief nap . I am watching Castle right now . I will be playing words with friends shortly before reading . I am now on the 7th book of the O ' Malley series by Dee Henderson . They are so good . I really enjoy them a lot . Kathy has just got to read them when I am done . I am disappointed that the Jennifer book is not a lend me book right now but the rest are . Bill checked yesterday about the game of thrones DVDs at the library . He is next for getting them . Right now they are out . I hope they come back soon . I look forward to seeing them . I really do . I tried to watch it on netflix but it kept stopping and it was hard to see . I did check the price today but I won 't buy it unless I really like it . I really hope I do . Everyone has gone on and on about how great it is so I do hope it is something I like . I am worried about the graphicness but I will find out , won 't I ? Pain level is just the normal pain today . I am not taking the valerian root tonight to see if that is part of the reason my head is worse than usual at bedtime . Well , off to play words with friends . Duchess Kate had a boy ! ! A new prince ! ! ! ! Oh ! ! ! ! I wonder what they will name the little lad ? I am so excited you would think I am related to the Duchess myself ! ( Trust me , I am so not - while my father 's family are English - they were all pirates , the real kind , not the make believe stories - kings and queens probably only had contact with my ancestors to hang them ) . My friend , Star and I are such royal watchers ! Heather B - T came into my room to tell me that Kate was in labor this morning ( our time ) . I was thrilled . I watched face book as much as I could today let me tell you . Now we are just waiting on the news on what they name it . Star is hoping for Arthur , David , Spencer , and a few others . Me ? I just want to know his name and see the little guys pictures . Acer is home from camp now so the house is filled with music again . He and I played band today and it was fun . We had to have a review lesson yesterday because he hadn 't practice in a week and forgot his songs . Well , as soon as I played the one line in his music , he remembered his piano piece immediately . He only forgot 1 line in his vocal piece so overall , Acer did really well . I knew once we started going through the pieces , he would remember right away . His memory for music is astonishing at times . At camp , his friend wrote a piece of a song that is the chorus to a song they are writing . We now know what chords are in it and what the structure is for the chorus . It is actually quite good . I am not surprised in a way because Acer 's musical ability is so much higher than most children his age . He is really an amazing musician . I think he even thinks in music at times . It is like a language that pours out of him . Acer and I are working on chord structure now . I think it is making even more sense now with the song that his friend wrote . I hope they can continue to work on this during the school year . I don 't know how old the young man is , but he seems as gifted as Acer or close . I think this will continue to inspire Acer to write his own music . He writes little melodies now and we are going to be working on accompaniments for them shortly . It seems so hard to believe that July is 2 / 3 over . How fast did this month go ? Super fast or what ? It really did . I am glad it is almost August though because there will be a couple of students coming back from vacation and a new one starting . I had a lot stop for the summer , more than usual and with a smaller amount of students than I used to have , it makes a big difference when bill time comes . I look forward to my school year when I have the regular amount . I look back and wonder how I used to teach 50 to 60 students a week with no problem . I taught 7 students one day and was totally exhausted . It took about 2 days to get back to my , now , normal self ! It is just insane . Anyways , I am going to be limiting how many lessons I have a day when school starts . I just have too . I can 't have that many a day because it will be way too many and I will crash and burn . I am so not up for another crash and burn hospital visit . That is what happens when I crash and burn . I end up in the hospital . Well , not interested in having that happen again . We have one family member in the hospital , I don 't want to be the second one . It is hard enough on my family to have Maia in the hospital and in the shape she is in . I don 't wish to be joining her . I really don 't so I am doing what I can to avoid that situation . I know you can 't always anticipate everything , but I am trying my best to anticipate that . Ohh , I just realized , I didn 't take my medicine today . Whoops . I didn 't fill my pill container last night like I used to . No wonder I am so light headed right now . I forgot my anxiety medicine . That also explains why my anxiety is rather high right now too . Sometimes , I just forget so much . Fibro fog needs to be gone from me ! Okay - I meant to do it earlier but I forgot when I left the counter . I just need to take care of this in a few minutes . Okay - I am done doing that ! I am trying to take Valerian Root at night to help with sleep . I am now up to the recommended dosage of 3 capsules a 1 / 2 hour before bed so I hope it helps . I really do . I will find out and report on it . One of my friends from Fibro Fighters on face book , suggested a combination of Valerian Root and Melatonin so if the Valerian Root alone doesn 't work then I shall add the Melatonin . She said about . 5 mg at night . I will try it next week if I need to . Hmm , just learned something about Valerian root . I think I will go back to Melatonin and increase the dosage . Heather B - T just told me some of the side effects and precautions . I need to research better . I will . It is almost dinner time ! ! ! ! I am not sure what all we are having but it smells good . Acer is helping . It is so sweet that he likes to help . He is a very helpful young man . He really is and so is Calli . I just got the 7 minute warning so time for me to go . Pain level is a lot higher since I haven 't had any pain medicine today so far . My anxiety is also high for the very same reason . I will take the evening dose of both the pain and the anxiety medicine with dinner . I should learn not to forget this done ! My cousin , Maia , as some of you know , has cancer and is very , very , very ill . At this point it is comfort care not cure care . I saw her today for the first time since she went into the hospital last week . Oh my , it is heartbreaking . She is in so much pain . Under her chin is so swollen , her left arm is swollen , and her left hand is swollen . They are causing such pain and uncomfortableness to her . I was there with Tilley and with Maia 's daughter , Danielle . I wanted to cry when I saw her but I held it in . She doesn 't need me crying too . With the medicine she is on , she falls asleep a lot but it isn 't good sleep like you would hope she gets . There so much I want to say but I can 't form the words to say it . I don 't know what to say other than what I already have said . I plan to go and see her again in a week or so . She will be moving to a different facility so that she will have the continual care she needs . She has less than 6 months . Oh my . I so hope they stop her nightmares that she has been having and control the pain better for her . Maia is such a wonderful woman , friend , as well as cousin . Maisy is home ! ! ! ! ! I am so glad . I have missed most of the little girl . I have not missed her barking extra for no reason or her doing doggy business in the house , but other than those two things , I have missed the snuggly dog . She is such a good snuggler . Maisy ran into the house looking for Brandon and I right away . ( Okay - maybe it was for her water bowl and we were there before it ) She came to us for pets and snuggles . We have had 2 snuggles already and I anticipate another one rather soon . Heather B - T and Bill are , of course , home too . They had a nice week and are relaxed and recharged . Tomorrow the little man , Acer , comes home . Ah , the noise level will surely go up from the silence that Brandon and I have been enjoying to well , Acer and his bop its , which he plays all day long . This week did go rather fast though so I didn 't really have time to miss anyone too much . With lessons during the week and the other things that I had to do , I was pretty busy . I am thrilled that Sammy and I finished changing the plastic cases to paper sleeves for the teaching CDs . That takes a big load off my mind . It really does . I am so glad it is finished . I have wanted to do this job for so long and now it is done . Sam is such a great kid . I can 't believe that she is going to be 16 next Sunday though . wow , wasn 't she just 14 ? It sure seems that way . We still have the original CDs left to do but that isn 't something that has to be done right now so that is okay . I can do those later . I also ran out of sleeves so I need more before I go and do that job too . The music is all put away . There is a chunk of music missing from like number 264 to 275 . I am not even sure what all is supposed to be there . I will look . It is a whole bunch of sab music ( meaning 3 part choral pieces ) . Hmm , I wonder where they got misfiled too because there are pieces in that group that haven 't been used in years and they were there then so they must have gotten misfiled somewhere or I hope that is what has happened to them . Maisy and I are having a delightful evening together . It was down pouring a few minutes ago but now it is nice out again . We have such strange weather . It has stormed almost everyday though this week . It was also extremely hot out ( hot for us ) today . The last few days have been high 90s low 100s . We should be getting some cooler weather this coming week . I do tend to ache more in the extreme heat . That is for sure . I hide inside and I ache less that way but when I am outside , I ache a lot more . Bill said he will bring me Game of Thrones home . He doesn 't think I will like it as I don 't do too well with blood and graphic violence , but Kathy and I want to watch it together . Neither of us are sure about it but we will try it . I am glad the library has it because I wouldn 't want to buy the entire season and then not like it at all . Apparently , you can get movies on itunes too ! I had no idea ! I may download the first episode . Kathy said it was only a few dollars so I may do that to see if I want Bill to bring it home . I don 't know . I have a movie I need to finish watching in the DVD player too . I can also watch movies on my nook from netflix . I think I may have mentioned it in another post but I can 't remember if I did or didn 't . Goofy old Fibro fog ! ! ! ! Well , I mentioned it now if I didn 't . I can 't watch netflix on my computer because my lovely computer is too old . Can you imagine ? It is too old ! Okay , okay , it is from either 2002 or 2003 or possible even 2004 although I think the G5 is from 2004 or 2005 . My laptop ( which is the one I use the most ) is an ibook G4 so , yeah , I know , it is a dinosaur for a computer but I love it and it works and I don 't want to get another anytime soon and yes , I am writing a run - on sentence ! I will get a new one eventually , but for now this works for what I need . I have to save for the hearing aids first ( I need $ 1140 ) for them . I actually have decided that perhaps I should break down and get them . I will try . I figure by end of October I should have enough to get them . That isn 't too far down the road , I mean , I waited this long , what 's another few months at this point ? Nothing . I just hope that I don 't get headaches from them . I AM worried about that . Perhaps I shouldn 't be , but I am . I get headaches so easy and I have one everyday , I am just worried that maybe the hearing aids will make the headaches worse . I just don 't know . I guess I will find out this fall . I have been playing words with friends on my nook . Right now I am actually WINNING one game with my friend , Mel ! So far , in the 2 months I have been playing , I have lost every single game . I am close to winning against Kathy too , which is surprising because she is VERY good at these type games . I enjoy playing and obviously , winning is not my main goal or I would have quit a while ago . I do enjoy playing the game and I currently am playing quite a few games with friends . 3 with Karlyn , 3 with Cheryl , 3 with Mrs . O , and several others too . It is fun and I am really learning a lot . I am now beating Kathy and I think we are both at a point where we can 't play anymore letters . How fun ! My pain level seems to be a bit higher because of the extreme ( to me ) heat and humidity . It is still manageable though so I am glad about that . I will need my scooter tomorrow because I am going to see Maia and she is in the hospital and they don 't have scooters there . There really isn 't anyway I can walk that far so I am bringing my scooter . I think we are staying for a short visit since Maia is so tired and not up for long visits and then off to dinner for a visit between the 2 of us . It is such a sad situation and my heart is breaking . Maia is a strong woman and has been fighting this cancer for over a year now . I can 't imagine life without her . Of course , I couldn 't imagine life without my mother either but it did happen . I prayed so hard that God would heal her and she got sicker and sicker . Sometimes i cry and want to know why ? Why does she have to be in so much pain ? Maia is in extreme pain all the time . She was getting pain meds every hour when she was home before she went into the hospital . I hope they have it in better control now . Maia has made her decisions and we will abide by them . I plan to visit as much as I can . She is such a good cousin . Lia ( Maia 's oldest ) will be in town next week so that is good . I don 't know if I will be able to see her but she will be able to see her mom . She and her husband are moving near by so they can be with her mom as much as possible . Right now , Lia is a few hours away . We didn 't get good news about Maia , my cousin today . She has months left to live before the cancer will take her . I knew it wasn 't good and I have had a feeling for a while that this was going to happen , it is just official now . She has the choice about continuing treatment or not . I haven 't spoken to her so I don 't know what she is going to pick . I am going over on Saturday . Maia is in the hospital now . She is in extreme pain , has trouble swallowing , and can 't get her IV because her lymphs are swollen . It is just heartbreaking . It is very hot here today . Tomorrow is supposed to be hotter then he will cool down . It isn 't as hot as it is in some parts of the country ( thank God for that ! ) but it is also pretty humid . I have only gone out a few times . I don 't go out much if I don 't have too . Brandon is supposed to cut the grass but with it this hot , I am not sure he will be able to . Maybe on Friday . I tend to ache more when it is this hot and humid . I don 't know if it is the extra humidity or what , but my head does ache more . I need to get a piece of music tomorrow for my student , Brooke Anne . I have the song Blessings for her but I also want her to sing , " Someone Like You " from Jekyll and Hyde . It is a lovely song . I have to take care of that earlier in the day . I only have one lesson tomorrow but my lovely Sammy is coming over to help with the CDs . She is such a good assistant . I really appreciate her help . I plan to get her a gift certificate when we are done organizing the music room . There are only a few things left to be done , but they are big things and I need help doing them . With the music mostly put away ( except for the band and orchestra instruments books ) , I have the CDs left and organizing the office supplies as well as putting away the Easter decorations . Yes , I know , they are still up . What can I say ? I just don 't think about them unless I am in the living room . When I see them I think about it but not when I am not in the room . I also have some pictures to put up . I have some really beautiful pictures that need to go up . They were once in my bedroom when I was in my old room . When I moved to the bigger room , I meant to put them up but I never got around to it . I have some pictures that need to go up in my bedroom too . Momma was an artist and there are 3 pictures that she painted specifically for me . 1 is a clown and it is up but the other 2 are cats and kittens that need to go up . I also have a beautiful picture from Prince Edward Island that Momma bought me when we were there . I will have either a Anne of Green Gables corneThe family room is coming along . There is some stuff in the room to sort but over all , most of the stuff is sorted and has a place for everything else . Most of my books downstairs will be donated now that I have a nook . There are a few exceptions , of course such as Anne of Green Gables books , Harry Potter books , and a few others but other than that , they will go . So far I have been giving them to Tilley to read and then she can either keep them or donate them herself . She has been reading an awful lot too . I think she is thinking about getting a kindle . I love my nook and rarely go anywhere without it when I need it for reading . I also play games and now I can even watch movies on it . I am thinking of upgrading to the HD big one before the end of the year . I think at the end of this year they may stop making them with all the other things that we can put on them . I don 't know . It is hard to say with Barnes and Nobles . I just know I love my e - reader . Kathy loves hers too . She is also planning to upgrade her nook too . Hers is getting slow and doesn 't always work . Since mine is less than a year old , I don 't have any issues with it getting slow or not working . I was so excited last night ! I was able to watch a movie on my nook ! ! ! ! I have wanted to watch this particular episode of Accused ( a BBC series ) from their second series for almost a year and I FINALLY got to see it last night . Now this was worth resigning up with netflix . I also have decided i want to see Game of Thrones . I have been listening for the last few years how good the show is and now I want to see it . Well , I can 't believe what I am about to write . I am cold sitting here in the air conditioning . It is much better than sitting in the heat though . I will just take the air conditioned house than the super hot weather outside . I wonder how Heather B - T and Bill are handling the heat and the kids at camp . I miss the little Maisy dog . I am learning the little " Snuggle Puppy " song to sing to her . Only 2 more days and the little doggy will be home along with Heather B - T and Bill ! I just want to snuggle with my Maisy Dog ! ! ! ! ! ! I also have to get some music for Isaac . I just remembered that too . I need to burn some CDs tomorrow . I have a list of what I need to do so I won 't forget . With this heat , brain fog tends to be worse than usual . I have lost 2 more pounds bringing the grand total up to 24 pounds ! I was hoping for a few more pounds but hey , 2 pounds is better than nothing . Sometimes , it seems like it will take forever to lose all the weight I need but it won 't seem like that in the long run . I am just anxious to get to my goal . I have decided that I have been eating too many chocolate chip muffins again . I am done with them . Plus , I have had a slight upset stomach from them the last few days so I am done with them . I am not sure if I should continue to take the safflower oil , the omega 3 , 6 , 9 , and the CLA . I don 't know if it is helping or not . I have asked for opinions on one of my fibro support groups on facebook . One of the support groups are very into supplements and things like that so I will see what others who take it think . With the amount of weight I need to lose , I want to stay as healthy as I can . I no longer wish to eat what is not healthy . If it isn 't healthy , I don 't want to eat it . It just isn 't worth it anymore . I can 't afford to gain anymore weight , I just can 't . I already have difficulty walking so hey , I need to lose this excess me . Today has been pretty busy so far . I had a couple of lessons before I had a doctor 's appointment . I went to the gastro doctor today . I have to have the camera scopy test again since the last one shut down 3 hours after it started . I will have it next Thursday morning . I will have it on all day . I hope it behaves this time . I don 't want to have to do this one again . Isaac had his lesson today . I haven 't seen him in several weeks . It is normal for summer with him . I will see him again on Friday . He is a very nice young man . We tried some songs . He sort of liked 2 and liked 1 . I will copy the three of them . I want him to try some from the other book too so I am not sure what he will like . He always surprises me . What I think he will for sure like , he doesn 't and what I am not sure about , he likes . Isaac is an unpredictable boy but I don 't mind . I just have one more tonight and then I am finished for the night . I am not sure what all I am going to do tonight . I have a few things I should do , but I don 't know if I want to do them . The procrastinator in me might win ! I don 't know ! It is a hard thing to chose some days . I am tired today though . I got up early so I should have an easier time sleeping tonight . Tomorrow is a quiet day too . I only have a few lessons too . Tuesday and Wednesday are my busiest days . I am hoping for some new students soon to replace the ones who have quit this summer . I don 't know who will come back except for Sally and Emily because they are just marked absent , not quit . This way , they don 't lose their scheduled time and they will start when they come back . Emily is in Poland for the summer . I hope she is having a good time . Sally is up in the UP in Saulte Ste . Marie . I have been up there . It is simply beautiful . The upper peninsula has some of the most beautiful spots in Michigan . I haven 't been there for years . Maybe next summer . This summer is pretty much a stay around home one except for the small trip to visit Kathy one weekend . I don 't know when that will be so I am open to when Kathy is available for me to come even if it is in September . I am watching Castle as I wait for Diana to arrive for her lesson . I like this show a lot . I only discovered it this year . I know I am slow on these things but hey , what can I say ? I am going to netflix Game of Thrones too . I can now get it on my nook . I can 't get it on my computer because my little computer and my big computer are too old . I am disappointed in that . My screen on my nook is smaller than my computer but oh well , I will survive . I don 't think Game of Thrones is on netflix . I am a bit frustrated now . Well , I will check into it . I am new to netflix so I am not sure what is all on it and what isn 't . Good thing I can put things in my instant que on my computer and then watch them on my nook . It is the middle of summer , the middle of July . I think it is 88 degrees right now , which isn 't too bad . It could be in the 100s like it is for some of my friends . I am thankful that it is not that hot and although there have been some days that were rather warm , nothing like in the 3 digits . I tried the Valerian root last night but it didn 't help . I am not sure if it was because for some odd reason I was so awake at that time or if it was because I only took 1 at first and then another one an hour and a half later . Either way , i didn 't really fall asleep before about 5 am . I am my normal tired today . It has been suggested to combine some of the vitamins too such as a small amount of melatonin and the valerian root . I will try this first and then try that . I am going to get a book that one of the ladies in a support group suggests . There is so much that can be done naturally instead of with chemicals that I want to try . The book is called from fatigue to fantastic . She says it has helped her a lot . It has not cured her , which would make me super suspicious as there is no cure , but it has helped . I am just looking for help . I know there is no cure . I figure every little bit adds up , right ? It can only not work for me . I know my conditions , I know the medicines I have to take . For example , I will never be able to not take the coumadin . I have a blood disorder that causes blood clots so stopping a blood thinning medicine would not be good for me . I also will have to continue with the reglan too because my stomach doesn 't digest properly . The last one is the synthroid because my thyroid doesn 't work . I do hope that Dr . R and I do find some headache medicine that will help lessen my headaches . It is tiring having a headache every single day , all day long . It never ends and hasn 't for over 10 years . This particular headache started in March of 2003 when I came down with the vasculitis . It hasn 't ended yet . Yup , over 10 years at this point . I can 't remember not having a headache anymore just like I can 't remember not being tired or having pain somewhere in my body ( besides my head ) . Tonight I will be cooking dinner . Yes , that is what I wrote , don 't faint , I am cooking . I am grilling steak , then cutting it up to put in fried rice with asparagus . With just Brandon and I this week , we won 't have to cook a whole lot of food although we made a lot of rice so we could have some for the rest of the week . Neither of us really like to cook that much . I do plan for us to have Chipotle one night . I don 't know when that will be but one night . The house is very quiet with just the to of us but it is a nice change . I look forward to them all coming home but it is a nice change . I do miss that little Maisy dog a lot already though . She is such a sweet and lovable dog . I simply adore her . Not that anyone who has read this doesn 't already know . I do not miss the bop it noises though . I must confess that . The game is very loud and can be annoying but the joy Acer gets from it outweighs any annoyance it gives me . Although , I can at times , ask him to play in a different room . We didn 't get any bop it pinball in on Saturday because my headache was just too bad . It has been a quiet day . Rick had his lesson . He is doing very well with his piano lessons . He played through the entire piece of " Fur Elise " by Beethoven today for the very first time today . I was very pleased about that and his sight reading wasn 't too bad either . Tilley came by to pick up a package for Maia . I also gave her the gifts for Warren and Phoenix . Their birthday party is next week and I have to teach so i won 't be attending . I will be going to Tilley 's on Saturday for a few hours so she can go and run some errands . I will stay with Maia while she is gone . I don 't plan to stay very long , just a few hours while Tilley does what she needs to do . Maia will probably sleep the whole time so I will bring my nook with me . Maia is very ill and she isn 't going to get any better . I am going to try to go and see her as much as I can on the weekends . This way , I will also be able to relieve Tilley and then she will be able to go and do errands or go out for a few hours if she wants to . This is very hard on her . She cried a bit today talking about it . My pain level is higher today . I am not sure why or if there is even a reason . I just know that it is . I am trying something different for sleep tonight . I am trying the Valerian Root . Tonight is the first night so we shall see how this will work . I am hoping for better results than just the Tylenol PM that I have been taking for a while . Advil PM didn 't really work any better . I just get so tired of not sleeping . I know most of us with fibro have sleeping problems but I haven 't exhausted all the options yet . I have tried the prescription sleeping pills and I got horrible nightmares from the Ambient CR . The others did nothing for me . I was awake all night long . I tried melatonin and that didn 't work either so I am trying this too . I hope it works or works better than the Tylenol PM . I have a few more lessons this week since a couple of students are back from vacation . I am glad about that . On the days I don 't have lessons , it is pretty boring around here . I would rather teach a few lessons each day than have a few days with no lessons but it just happens that way sometimes . This week only Saturday has no lessons so that is why I can go to Maia and Tilley 's . I am watching a marathon of Law and Order : Criminal Intent . They have all been new to me episodes except for the first one . That one I have seen before but the other 3 , including the one I am watching now , I have not seen . On words with friends , I was so excited , I got a word worth 108 points ! ! ! ! I know ! ! ! ! Isn 't that just totally awesome ? ? ? I was so excited ! ! ! I am now ahead of my cousin - in - law , Cheryl . I may even win for a change . I have been playing this game for about 6 weeks now and I have yet to actually win a game . I don 't particularly care too much about winning because I am still learning how to play and what words work and words don 't so until I have this down pat , I am not too worried about winning . Most of my friends who I am playing against have been playing for a very long time . There are a couple who play at my level but we just recently started playing against each other . Maisy is on vacation with Bill and Heather B - T this week . I miss the little dog . I did get a good snuggle from her before she left and I did ask if Heather B - T was sure she was taking Maisy . She said yes . They will be back by Friday so that isn 't too long . If this week is anything like any other week , it will fly by . Maisy did pee underneath the dining room table though before she left . I will NOT miss her peeing in the house . I will just miss the little dog . She is such a heart stealer . She stole mine that is for sure ! Ah , a Saturday . A Saturday with no lessons and no plans . I was going to visit Maia , but she isn 't up to a visit right now so I stayed home , which actually turned out better as I started not feeling too well this afternoon . I am very exhausted and I just don 't feel well over . There isn 't anything specific , it is just all over . I had to take a nap this afternoon right away when I was in the middle of reading face book at around 2 : 30 pm . All of a sudden , I just couldn 't stay awake and my head was not a happy camper so up the stairs Maisy and I went . I put her on my bed and we snuggled for a few minutes and then I went to sleep so did she . I slept for 2 hours . My head still hurts a lot but I couldn 't sleep anymore . Tomorrow , the kids go to camp . They are looking forward to it . I know they will have a really good time . I will miss them terribly but camp is such a good experience for them . Calli has attended several and she always learns a lot and has a good time . I expect Acer will too . In our house , summer is very busy . Rarely do we hear the words , I am bored around here . There is always something to do or somewhere to go . With the overnight camps , the day camps , the kids are very busy . I barely have time with them during the days they are home . Today is wash and pack day so they will be ready to leave first thing tomorrow morning . I will still be sleeping when they leave as I won 't be getting up as early as them . Acer is playing one of his many bop its . He knows all about every single model ever made including the one coming out this fall . He simply adores them . Acer likes to play the bop it pinball on the internet but today I am just not up to it . It can get quite loud and my head can 't handle that much loudness right now . I don 't think there is a bop it that Acer has tried that he doesn 't like . He even has them on his Ipod . On Acer 's Ipod is this song called , " Snuggle Puppy " . It is so cute and I want to learn all the words so that I can sing it to Maisy . Yes , I am that dorky ! I will sing to the dog ! ! ! ! ! As music flows through my head all the time , it shouldn 't surprise anyone that I would sing that to the sweetest , most adorable , girl doggie in the entire world , otherwise known as Maisy . Yes , I am sure by now , you know how much I adore that little dog . She is an excellent nap partner too . We took a good long nap until Heather B - T came home . At that point , well , she went to see who was here but that was near the end . I did feel her leave and peeked at the time . I got up about 15 minutes later since I really couldn 't sleep anymore . Pain level is a bit higher than usual today . It is really nice out and not very humid so I am not sure exactly why . Anxiety is doing fine , for a change . Actually , it is really nice out . It is a perfect day to go for a scooter again but it is too late in the day for Acer or Calli to go with me as Bill will be home from work in a while and then we will have dinner . After that the kids will have to finish up packing and go to bed . It is kind of funny how we have to get the scooter in and out of the garage . Acer has to climb on the scooter , put the key in and then back it out . There is only enough room for him to get in and out of the scooter , none for anyone else . When we come back , he has to drive it back in to the garage . It is amusing because a little blind boy drives my scooter in and out of the garage . Now the kids are arguing over what is going the notetaker of Acer 's . I love it when they get along and not when they argue . They are getting along again for a few minutes . Ah , the life with children ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I had a meeting with the group that will be helping to pay part of my hearing aids . They will pay 60 % of the cost , which is totally awesome . I have to figure out how long it will take for me to be able to save the balance , which is the 40 % . It should be a few months and then I will have good hearing , something I haven 't had since I was 13 and I had that horribly long ear infections in both ears that I never told my mother about . Yeah , I have cautioned Calli to never do that . Even if she is worried about telling her mom or dad about something that is wrong with her , she must tell them immediately . She said she would . I think I am a good example of what can happen if you don 't . Anyways , in a couple of months I will be hearing sounds I haven 't heard since I was a child . It will be weird . Calli is reading to Acer right now . It is a good story . I have been listening too . It is a mystery story . Acer loves to have people read to him . Last night , he wanted me to read to him before bed . I read 2 small stories and then he went to bed . I like to read before bed too . We are all readers in this house . It is a lovely thing to be in this house . Acer likes to read also . He has read a few books to me . I get such a joyous feeling when I hear him or Calli read . It makes me smile . Calli reads very well out loud . It is beautiful outside today . I actually want to take my scooter out and go for a scooter . Maybe Calli will want to go for a scooter walk today after Acer 's lesson . It is just that beautiful . The temperature is perfect along with the humidity level . It isn 't too humid and too hot . I haven 't scootered in a while either . We may even be able to bring Maisy . She loves to go for walks . Maisy and Q both love to go for walks . I don 't need to go for a long one , just enough to soak up the sun and the beautiful weather . I will ask after Acer 's lesson . Acer might want to go to . Who knows . One never knows in this house . I do like my scooter even though I wish I didn 't need one . I don 't expect that I will still need it even when I am thinner . It isn 't the fibro that causes me to need it so much as it is the arthritis . With the arthritis that is , as my doctor has said , riddled through my lower back , I cannot stand for very long nor can I walk very long or very far . When I have lost about 30 more pounds then I plan to start walking more outside of the house . My goal is to go to the top of the street and back without needing the scooter . I figure that maybe I will be able to go farther than I can , but as for walking for miles like I used to , I know I won 't be able to do that . I have a few students today . Acer is one of them . Ryan has been on vacation for 2 weeks so he is back today . I am glad . I miss my students when they are not here for their lessons . I don 't have that many so I do miss them when they are gone . Robyn is ill today so she won 't be coming . She has a summer cold and is planning to go to the doctor this afternoon . I hope she feels better next week . Well , Mr . Acer is anxiously awaiting for the bop it pinball on the computer so I am going to have to end this now . He is most impatient . I don 't blame him . He loves bop its a lot . We hear bop it games all day long . Acer even makes the noises himself when he isn 't playing the games . I love the harry potter books and movies . I remember being on vacation when the 5th book came out . I so wanted to buy it but I didn 't have enough because I bought a bit of Anne of Green Gables stuff . That was alright . As soon as I got home , I discovered Momma already bought me the book ! So had I bought it , I would have had 2 copies . Momma loved doing surprises like that for us . It didn 't matter to her we were adults . We were still her children and she loved surprising us . With me , it was usually books or music . I also , liked to surprise Momma with treats . For several years in a row , at Christmas , I surprised her with tickets to a musical . The last one we saw was the " White Christmas " at the Fox Theatre . Momma and I really enjoyed it . I cannot count the amount of musicals we saw both on TV , in the Movies , or live at a theatre . I miss my musical theatre partner so much . It isn 't the same without her . I do want to see some but I don 't really have anyone to go with anymore . Tonight , Acer wanted me to read him stories at bedtime . I was planning to go to choir but he wanted me to read stories so I didn 't go . It isn 't anything new . It has been so long since I have been there . I was feeling alright except I did have a bit of a bad headache too . I was proud of myself because I told him I would read 2 stories and I stuck to it . He tried to get another but I stuck to 2 . That hasn 't happened before . I usually cave and read another if not 2 more . Well , tonight I didn 't . Maisy and I took a ride to get gas this afternoon . She is a good little passenger . She really is . She stays on the passenger side most of the time . If I open the window , then she comes over to my side to see what is going on but other than that , she stays on the passenger seat . I love that little dog . I was purposely driving Calli crazy this afternoon . There is a song called " Snuggle Puppy " that is on Acer 's IPod . It is such a cute song . I only know part of it but I was singing over and over the part I know . She was like , ugh ! We did have good giggles about it though , which was my goal . I have been having trouble sleeping , which I know so many of us have . It has been a problem for years like so many of us but lately , it just seems to be even worse . I have tried ambien , rosarim , and other sleeping pills . I have also tried melatone and Tylenol pm and Advil pm too . I now have a list of other herbs and supplements to try . Yesterday , I slept about 15 hours , well , I was in bed for about 15 hours and it seemed like I didn 't sleep at all . I wake up every night about 2 then every hour until about 5 or 6 then again about 9 before I finally get up anytime between 11 and 1 . I am thankful that I live in a house with people who do not give me a hard time about how much I sleep or the hours I keep . Both Heather B - T and Bill are very much of the thought that if I need the sleep then sleep . I did have to take a nap 2 hours after I woke up and I got up at 1 pm . I slept for about an hour from 3 to 4 so I did feel better . I am getting tired again now but as it is 9 : 45 that is not a bad thing . Tomorrow I have to get up at 11 : 30 for Elizabeth 's lesson at noon . I am meeting with Michigan Works tomorrow . I need a letter from Heather B - T for them and then I have everything I need . It is to help me get hearing aids that I need . I am finally breaking down and getting them . I didn 't realize how much I needed them until Heather B - T and crew moved in . I cannot hear her at all when she calls me from upstairs or downstairs if I am in the dining room . I just can 't . I am hoping that I don 't get worse headaches though . I am nervous about that . We shall see , I suppose . I have been losing weight these past few months . I am glad about that . I am off the Amitryptiline medicine that helped me gain weight . The medicine I am now has a side effect of losing weight and decreasing the appetite . I am also working on portions and eating properly too so it isn 't all medicine . I am working hard too . I also take safflower oil , cla , and omega 3 . 6 . 9 . I don 't know how much of the weight loss they are adding to but I am taking them . Overall , the pain levels don 't seem to be changing all that much except for , of course the headaches and my right hip pain . The right hip hurts a lot as well as the right lower side of the back . I don 't know if it is arthritis or the kidney or who knows what . Well , I am going to play my words with friends as I finish up the last hour of the movie . I love Harry Potter ! I will say that Anne of Green Gables is my all time favorite character EVER and her books are the best ever but Harry Potter is second . They are amazing too just not quite as amazing as Anne of Green Gables . It is Independence Day , July the 4th ! ! ! ! ! Independence is something that I think every parent wants for their children too . I would have to say , I was semi - independent . I never moved from my childhood home . When I was in my mid 20 's and graduated from University , my friends were ALL having issues with their roommates or roommate boyfriends , just tons and tons of drama . I asked if I had to move out and Momma said no so I didn 't . Good thing too because within a year , I had gotten very ill and was pretty much bed ridden at that point . When I got a bit better and could live on my own , I didn 't want to move so I didn 't . That also was a good thing too because , well , I got the vasculitis and it took 6 weeks for doctors to figure out what was wrong with me . I never really recovered from that . Then Momma started with the Alzheimer 's Disease so she needed me as much as I needed her . Here in our house , I am once again pretty independent . I pay my bills and teach my lessons . We split the house chores between all of us . Independence is so important for people and to live in a country where Independence is not only encouraged but the goal is a wonderful . Momma really wanted all of us 3 to be Independent but none of us counted on me getting so sick so young . I do think that despite my being ill , I am pretty independent . I temporarily forgot that Calli was 13 . I kept telling her she was 12 . Whoops ! Nothing like forgetting how old the teenager is ! Acer is 8 1 / 2 . I was speaking to a Mom who 's daughter took lessons a couple of summers ago and her daughter is now 8 1 / 2 too . That 1 / 2 is so important to the kids . Me ? I don 't want to add anything to my age that is for sure . Heather B - T 's birthday is tomorrow ! Calli is giving me gray hair . Right now , Castle is on . It is running a marathon . I love this show too . Since the kids were in the room , I muted the sound . This is an interesting episode . It was a relaxing day after all . I thought I was going to have 8 ( yes , 8 ) lessons today . This is more than usual , believe me ! Well , I had 2 . The rest either canceled or came an hour late and I had another lesson at that time or forgot about the lessons . I was worried about how I would handle the day as I usually only have a few lessons a day . I used to routinely teach 8 to 12 lessons a day but now , I just can 't do that . It is too tiring for me and I ache too much after teaching that much . You wouldn 't think so as I teach music , but it takes a lot of energy to teach music and I get tired really easy . Heather B - T 's friend , Deedee has moved back here from Spain and was visiting this afternoon . It was a lovely afternoon . The kids got along really well and they stayed for dinner . The kids were a bit nervous around Q and Maisy , but they did okay with them . I am much more relaxed now that the results are good . I had a nice visit with Kathy during lunch and after . Acer had to show her all his toys . She went upstairs and got the tour of Acer 's toys . She really enjoyed Acer showing her his toys and talking to Calli . I think the kids really enjoyed visiting with Kathy too . I am planning to go and see Kathy next month sometime . She will let me know when will be a good time . Rizzoli and Isles is on right now . I love this show . It is the new season . Tomorrow , Bill will be bringing home Season 3 of Rizzoli and Isles for me to watch over the week . I don 't have any plans on the 4th except for the one lesson I have in the afternoon . I don 't really ever have too many plans on the 4th . When I was young , it was a day of extra work around the house . I remember one year in high school , I had permission to go to the beach with a friend on the 4th but at the last minute Momma changed her mind . I was so upset . She bought a new shed and wanted us to put it up on the holiday . I could go to the beach after I was done . Well , we didn 't get done until the next day . I was so upset and angry at her . Unfortunately , this was something Momma did a lot . It was definitely one of her not so good qualities . We all have them , but that one used to really make me angry . I never really knew until I was out the door or at the activity if I really could attend or not . Despite all that , I still miss her so much . Sometimes it seems like yesterday that she passed away and sometimes it seems years and years ago . Sometimes it still physically hurts that she is gone and sometimes it is just hurts in general . Overall , I am doing better than I was but I don 't expect to ever stop missing her in general . From what I have been told by my friends who have also lost their mothers , I probably won 't . Most of them still miss their moms a lot . I was definitely a Momma 's girl that is for sure . I guess when I was small I was a Daddy 's girl until he left and then I became attached to the hip with my Momma . That is what she told me anyway . Well , on to playing Words with friends and reading . I am still on the 3rd book of the O ' Malley series . It is just so good ! The results are in and here they are : I do not , at this point have cancer . There are clear cells present but nothing to worry about at this point . The mass has not grown too much in 5 years either . It went from 2 . 7 to 2 . 9 so that isn 't too significant . I am pleased with this . It needs to be monitored but that is okay . I can deal with the monitoring . I am just glad I don 't have cancer . I was very worried and I know Kathy was too . Heather B - T drove us and we all went into the doctor 's office . I had both Heather B - T and Kathy come incase it was positive and I needed to really pay attention on what to do next . Heather B - T and I did read up on clear cells and since my mass is only 2 . 9 and not 7 centimeters , we are not too worried about it . If it grows , then we will worry about it . I do need to have the mass re - checked in 3 months but that is okay . I will have it done . I don 't have any lessons today . Monday is usually a light day anyway but Bob needed to reschedule until tomorrow since he had to work this afternoon . It won 't be a problem to have his lesson tomorrow . It will be a bit busier but that is okay . Kathy and I went to lunch today . We went to Chipotle . It was the first time I had been there in about 3 weeks . I used to go weekly but not anymore . I am working on eating here at home more . It is better for me and it saves me money , which is something I need to do too . I plan to visit Kathy this summer in August for a couple of days . We always have a good time . I stay at a hotel because there just isn 't enough room at her house for me to stay . I try to stay at a place that has a pool so the kids can come and swim . That is always a good thing . It is nice to have the kids have a pool and come and swim . They swim and Kathy and I chat . Kathy left shortly after lunch . It was so funny before we went . Kathy pulled out her phone and was having trouble reading it so I handed her my reading glasses and they helped her read the phone . She was not too happy about that so right after lunch we went and got her reading glasses . They are similar to mine as far as the prescription goes but a slightly different style . Hers also comes with a case just like mine do . I also got some more tea as we were almost completely out . I put the picture of Maisy in one of my Disney frames today . She looks so adorable in the Winnie the Pooh frame on the piano . She is such a cute dog . I tell her all the time what a good girl she is and how she is the cutest little girl dog in the world . I think she realizes that she has me wrapped around her little paw . I just love Maisy so much . I had no idea I would get so attached to her but I sure have . I even have her sleep on my bed when Heather B - T and Bill aren 't home . I know , me ! Miss , I don 't want a dog on my bed ! Well , I do ! ! That little girl sleeps on my bed when they aren 't home and I am not ready to get up yet . She likes to sleep at my feet . She sleeps on her back and it is so cute . Her little paws are in the air and oh , it is the cutest thing ! Kathy FINALLY got to meet Maisy today . Maisy was a bit nervous at first but then she came around to Kathy especially after Kathy gave her a treat . We all gigI am going to take the Easter stuff down ( finally ) off the 2nd piano . I know , I know , I should have done it a long time ago , but I didn 't . I couldn 't find a box to put them in . I wanted a plastic box not a cardboard box and I kept forgetting to go to the store and get one or when I got to the store I would forget to get one . Now , I have one . I have had it for a couple of weeks but I still haven 't done it yet . Well , I need the space for Maisy 's picture so I have to do it today . I also want both of Mom 's pictures on the 2nd piano instead of one on each piano . The one on the piano that I use the most gets pushed back and I am afraid that it will fall behind the piano and then no one will be able to get it because there is no way to get stuff from behind the pianos so I need to move the one picture . I also want to put up the rest of my beanie babies that I am keeping back on the piano . They look so sweet up there . I have lots of Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals that belong on the piano when it isn 't Christmas or Easter . It is a bit chilly today but I don 't mind . I have a really cute hoodie sweater that goes with all my dresses . I did buy myself a new top today . It was super cute and lacy at the top . It is tan and I think It will go very nicely with the blue skirt or the coral skirt . I do have to take the turquoise skirt and the coral skirt to Nancy to fix . I need to do that this week if she is at work . The seams are on the outside and I don 't like that at all . I want seams on the inside . A few years ago , that was the style but I don 't like it so since there is so much work needed to do with it , I am taking it to her . I also will need to get some fall dresses and winter ones too since I do not plan to get any pants . I like skirts and dresses so much better . I also plan to make me some skirts and dresses . I like sewing with people not so much on my own . Star wants to do some sewing so we are going to do some together . Last year , Aggie and I made her costume for the yomicon weekend and this year she is making it herself ! Posted by I teach music and sewing to the most amazing kids in the world . I like to read and do crafts in my spare time . I also love reading blogs about other peoples life . I hope you enjoy reading mine . I also have fibromyalgia and arthritis . |
It is almost August . Wow . Well , I returned the capsule monitor today . I tried on Friday but they were closed . I have the results . I am bleeding in 2 spots in the small bowel . It isn 't too big and I don 't have to rush off to the ER ( Thank God for that ! ) but it does need to be fixed . I will get it fixed next Wednesday . I have to reschedule my lessons that day . I know 3 of my girls will be in Florida so it is only 2 girls that need to be rescheduled so that is good . I did have a new student today . Her name is Isabella and she is 13 . She has played piano for several years and did quite well for not playing for a long time . I was quite pleased with her lesson . Calli is cooking dinner tonight . She has a cookbook that she got the chicken recipe out off and it smells heavenly , let me tell you ! Simply heavenly ! ! ! I am quite excited to taste her creation ! It is almost finished . Heather B - T has a friend and her son visiting us today . She is a very nice lady that I am in a group online with . Her son and Acer are playing very nicely together . The Melatonin helped me fall asleep last night but it didn 't seem to help me stay asleep but hey , I slept for several hours before I woke up . I did wake up about every hour for about 4 hours but that is usual . I woke up at my usual time around noon . I went and dropped off the capsule monitor before coming home for Isaac 's lesson . He auditioned for the Michigan Opera Theatre Children 's Chorus this evening . He said he did well . I am glad . he is a good singer and I think he would add a lot to the choir and he would enjoy it a lot . I hope he makes it . Acer is auditioning too . I hope he makes it too . Isaac has a more classical sound that Acer but both are good singers . I would have Natalie try out but they are out of town this week so she is missing the audition date . I am going to try the Melatonin again tonight , only one . It helps some so that is better than nothing and it is better than the Valerian root . The Valerian root can be deadly if you take too much of it so I will be staying clear of it and sticking to the Melatonin . We had Calli 's creation for dinner and it was wonderful . She did a really good job with the chicken and veggies . Calli is learning to be such a good cook . I am so proud of her . Then she and I cleaned the kitchen after dinner . The kitchen is my job and Calli is my assistant . Calli is a very good assistant . We work well together when doing the dishes . We each have the things we do well and that is how we divide and conquer . It was a nice Sunday as far as the afternoon went . I had a bad headache in the morning so no church for me . I took Acer AND Calli to the store with me . Oh my ! I was so exhausted when we got back and they were really well behaved ! They played with the toys for a few minutes before we left . Overall , they were really good . I did need to take a brief nap when I got home although they were good . It was just exhausting to shop with both . I think once we go a few more times , I will get used to it . I love being with them . Calli is making dinner tomorrow . It is a recipe out of her recipe book . I am quite excited to see what her creation will taste like . She makes really good soup right now so I am sure the chicken will be good too . I am trying melatonin again for sleep . I am getting sleepy so I am hopeful I will have a good sleep or at least a better sleep than usual . I really need some good sleep . It is one of those annoying things that happen with fibro - no good sleep . I do hope for a bit better sleep tonight . It helps with so much stuff too so sleep is very important . Well , I did the test today . It took 8 hours and after I was hooked up , I was able to come home . Maisy and I took a nap before I had Isaac 's lesson . Maisy did well with Isaac once she stopped barking at him . He was even able to give her a treat . She sat near me during his lesson . She seems to like sitting near me during lessons . Sometimes , she even moves and sits closer to the kids . It is so cute when she does that . Anyways , I will find out in a few days what the results are with the camera through the digestive system test . The bleeding has been over for a couple of months so I don 't think they will find any or at least I hope they don 't ! I am not up for another bleeding session that is for sure . It was a very , very quiet day as my headache was really bad . I took 3 naps . Maisy napped with me . She and I were napping on and off all day . I had to get up super easy because I had to be at the doctor 's office by 8 am and I was there by 7 : 45 . I got hooked up and came home and went back to sleep . Maisy and I also took a couple of drives to run a couple of errands this afternoon . I wanted something to drink and then I wanted a salad with shrimp from Panera . I was just so hungry and really wanted shrimp . The rest had pizza for dinner . I wouldn 't have minded pizza except that I really wanted a salad . Sometimes , I just want a salad . I am weird that way . I love salads a lot . I had a little bit of a whoopsy moment this afternoon . I was lying on my side on my bed when the phone rang . I went to answer it and I knocked it off of my little table next to my bed . Well , I was reaching and reaching when , thump ! I literally fell out of bed taking the sheets with me . Maisy was looking down at me as if she wanted to jump down and join me . Fortunately , she didn 't . I am so glad about that . I didn 't hurt myself when I fell . I just surprised myself . Thankfully , I didn 't have trouble getting up . I WAS worried about that but I had no trouble . I was glad about that . I did put the sheets back on my bed so I won 't have an issue when I go to bed . Fashion Runway is back on for season 12 ! I love this show . It is interesting . I like to design for myself . I can 't draw worth beans so I couldn 't be a designer . I can sew pretty well , I am not super great , but overall , I am pretty good . Well time for words with friends and the rest of Fashion Runway ! I have the capsule scopy again tomorrow . The first one had the capsule malfunction and basically shut off after 3 hours . I really hope this one behaves . I am not happy about being up at the ridicules hour of 7 : 15 since I have to leave at 7 : 30 am but I will . Right when I get home , trust me , I will take a nap . I have Isaac 's lesson at 11 and that is the only lesson I have tomorrow . I hate getting up early . I am so not a morning person . My mother was and it drove me up the wall that she was . She would say that the morning was the best part of the day . I disagree , the night is the best part of the day . Anyways , I have to be so I will be . I asked Bill to make sure I am up and he said he will . It has finally cooled off a bit so I am glad about that . No more 100 degree temps for this week anyway . I am rather glad about that . We had an annoying neighbor incident today . I was backing up to go to the store when a neighbor down the road drove by our driveway very , very , very slowly . I was not impressed or happy about it . I have a feeling I know what neighbor it is and she is rather nosy . The grass was getting really long and it should have been cut last week but it was so hot that I really didn 't want Brandon to get heat stroke or heat sickness , it was just too hot plus there was a heat advisory , which means you can 't mow your lawn during the day . Well , it is done now and that is all that matters . Maisy was such a good girl during lessons today . She barely barked . Apparently though , she barked during the morning . That was not good . I tried to teach her the story of the dog that barked wolf , but she didn 't seem to understand . We did have good snuggles today though . She sat underneath the piano bench during all lessons today . It was so cute . She loves music and she seems to love the kids . After Heather B - T left this morning , Maisy came into my room and I lifted her up to put her on my bed . We both slept after that . We went for a brief ride after that . She is such a good little passenger . Maisy stays on her seat and rarely tries to get into my lap now . I have taught her that she needs to stay in the passenger seat . I love that dog . Acer has day camp this week . Today they went to a music place and Acer was in heaven . He loves everything music . I barely saw the little man today . I was so exhausted after lessons that I took a brief nap . I am watching Castle right now . I will be playing words with friends shortly before reading . I am now on the 7th book of the O ' Malley series by Dee Henderson . They are so good . I really enjoy them a lot . Kathy has just got to read them when I am done . I am disappointed that the Jennifer book is not a lend me book right now but the rest are . Bill checked yesterday about the game of thrones DVDs at the library . He is next for getting them . Right now they are out . I hope they come back soon . I look forward to seeing them . I really do . I tried to watch it on netflix but it kept stopping and it was hard to see . I did check the price today but I won 't buy it unless I really like it . I really hope I do . Everyone has gone on and on about how great it is so I do hope it is something I like . I am worried about the graphicness but I will find out , won 't I ? Pain level is just the normal pain today . I am not taking the valerian root tonight to see if that is part of the reason my head is worse than usual at bedtime . Well , off to play words with friends . Duchess Kate had a boy ! ! A new prince ! ! ! ! Oh ! ! ! ! I wonder what they will name the little lad ? I am so excited you would think I am related to the Duchess myself ! ( Trust me , I am so not - while my father 's family are English - they were all pirates , the real kind , not the make believe stories - kings and queens probably only had contact with my ancestors to hang them ) . My friend , Star and I are such royal watchers ! Heather B - T came into my room to tell me that Kate was in labor this morning ( our time ) . I was thrilled . I watched face book as much as I could today let me tell you . Now we are just waiting on the news on what they name it . Star is hoping for Arthur , David , Spencer , and a few others . Me ? I just want to know his name and see the little guys pictures . Acer is home from camp now so the house is filled with music again . He and I played band today and it was fun . We had to have a review lesson yesterday because he hadn 't practice in a week and forgot his songs . Well , as soon as I played the one line in his music , he remembered his piano piece immediately . He only forgot 1 line in his vocal piece so overall , Acer did really well . I knew once we started going through the pieces , he would remember right away . His memory for music is astonishing at times . At camp , his friend wrote a piece of a song that is the chorus to a song they are writing . We now know what chords are in it and what the structure is for the chorus . It is actually quite good . I am not surprised in a way because Acer 's musical ability is so much higher than most children his age . He is really an amazing musician . I think he even thinks in music at times . It is like a language that pours out of him . Acer and I are working on chord structure now . I think it is making even more sense now with the song that his friend wrote . I hope they can continue to work on this during the school year . I don 't know how old the young man is , but he seems as gifted as Acer or close . I think this will continue to inspire Acer to write his own music . He writes little melodies now and we are going to be working on accompaniments for them shortly . It seems so hard to believe that July is 2 / 3 over . How fast did this month go ? Super fast or what ? It really did . I am glad it is almost August though because there will be a couple of students coming back from vacation and a new one starting . I had a lot stop for the summer , more than usual and with a smaller amount of students than I used to have , it makes a big difference when bill time comes . I look forward to my school year when I have the regular amount . I look back and wonder how I used to teach 50 to 60 students a week with no problem . I taught 7 students one day and was totally exhausted . It took about 2 days to get back to my , now , normal self ! It is just insane . Anyways , I am going to be limiting how many lessons I have a day when school starts . I just have too . I can 't have that many a day because it will be way too many and I will crash and burn . I am so not up for another crash and burn hospital visit . That is what happens when I crash and burn . I end up in the hospital . Well , not interested in having that happen again . We have one family member in the hospital , I don 't want to be the second one . It is hard enough on my family to have Maia in the hospital and in the shape she is in . I don 't wish to be joining her . I really don 't so I am doing what I can to avoid that situation . I know you can 't always anticipate everything , but I am trying my best to anticipate that . Ohh , I just realized , I didn 't take my medicine today . Whoops . I didn 't fill my pill container last night like I used to . No wonder I am so light headed right now . I forgot my anxiety medicine . That also explains why my anxiety is rather high right now too . Sometimes , I just forget so much . Fibro fog needs to be gone from me ! Okay - I meant to do it earlier but I forgot when I left the counter . I just need to take care of this in a few minutes . Okay - I am done doing that ! I am trying to take Valerian Root at night to help with sleep . I am now up to the recommended dosage of 3 capsules a 1 / 2 hour before bed so I hope it helps . I really do . I will find out and report on it . One of my friends from Fibro Fighters on face book , suggested a combination of Valerian Root and Melatonin so if the Valerian Root alone doesn 't work then I shall add the Melatonin . She said about . 5 mg at night . I will try it next week if I need to . Hmm , just learned something about Valerian root . I think I will go back to Melatonin and increase the dosage . Heather B - T just told me some of the side effects and precautions . I need to research better . I will . It is almost dinner time ! ! ! ! I am not sure what all we are having but it smells good . Acer is helping . It is so sweet that he likes to help . He is a very helpful young man . He really is and so is Calli . I just got the 7 minute warning so time for me to go . Pain level is a lot higher since I haven 't had any pain medicine today so far . My anxiety is also high for the very same reason . I will take the evening dose of both the pain and the anxiety medicine with dinner . I should learn not to forget this done ! My cousin , Maia , as some of you know , has cancer and is very , very , very ill . At this point it is comfort care not cure care . I saw her today for the first time since she went into the hospital last week . Oh my , it is heartbreaking . She is in so much pain . Under her chin is so swollen , her left arm is swollen , and her left hand is swollen . They are causing such pain and uncomfortableness to her . I was there with Tilley and with Maia 's daughter , Danielle . I wanted to cry when I saw her but I held it in . She doesn 't need me crying too . With the medicine she is on , she falls asleep a lot but it isn 't good sleep like you would hope she gets . There so much I want to say but I can 't form the words to say it . I don 't know what to say other than what I already have said . I plan to go and see her again in a week or so . She will be moving to a different facility so that she will have the continual care she needs . She has less than 6 months . Oh my . I so hope they stop her nightmares that she has been having and control the pain better for her . Maia is such a wonderful woman , friend , as well as cousin . Maisy is home ! ! ! ! ! I am so glad . I have missed most of the little girl . I have not missed her barking extra for no reason or her doing doggy business in the house , but other than those two things , I have missed the snuggly dog . She is such a good snuggler . Maisy ran into the house looking for Brandon and I right away . ( Okay - maybe it was for her water bowl and we were there before it ) She came to us for pets and snuggles . We have had 2 snuggles already and I anticipate another one rather soon . Heather B - T and Bill are , of course , home too . They had a nice week and are relaxed and recharged . Tomorrow the little man , Acer , comes home . Ah , the noise level will surely go up from the silence that Brandon and I have been enjoying to well , Acer and his bop its , which he plays all day long . This week did go rather fast though so I didn 't really have time to miss anyone too much . With lessons during the week and the other things that I had to do , I was pretty busy . I am thrilled that Sammy and I finished changing the plastic cases to paper sleeves for the teaching CDs . That takes a big load off my mind . It really does . I am so glad it is finished . I have wanted to do this job for so long and now it is done . Sam is such a great kid . I can 't believe that she is going to be 16 next Sunday though . wow , wasn 't she just 14 ? It sure seems that way . We still have the original CDs left to do but that isn 't something that has to be done right now so that is okay . I can do those later . I also ran out of sleeves so I need more before I go and do that job too . The music is all put away . There is a chunk of music missing from like number 264 to 275 . I am not even sure what all is supposed to be there . I will look . It is a whole bunch of sab music ( meaning 3 part choral pieces ) . Hmm , I wonder where they got misfiled too because there are pieces in that group that haven 't been used in years and they were there then so they must have gotten misfiled somewhere or I hope that is what has happened to them . Maisy and I are having a delightful evening together . It was down pouring a few minutes ago but now it is nice out again . We have such strange weather . It has stormed almost everyday though this week . It was also extremely hot out ( hot for us ) today . The last few days have been high 90s low 100s . We should be getting some cooler weather this coming week . I do tend to ache more in the extreme heat . That is for sure . I hide inside and I ache less that way but when I am outside , I ache a lot more . Bill said he will bring me Game of Thrones home . He doesn 't think I will like it as I don 't do too well with blood and graphic violence , but Kathy and I want to watch it together . Neither of us are sure about it but we will try it . I am glad the library has it because I wouldn 't want to buy the entire season and then not like it at all . Apparently , you can get movies on itunes too ! I had no idea ! I may download the first episode . Kathy said it was only a few dollars so I may do that to see if I want Bill to bring it home . I don 't know . I have a movie I need to finish watching in the DVD player too . I can also watch movies on my nook from netflix . I think I may have mentioned it in another post but I can 't remember if I did or didn 't . Goofy old Fibro fog ! ! ! ! Well , I mentioned it now if I didn 't . I can 't watch netflix on my computer because my lovely computer is too old . Can you imagine ? It is too old ! Okay , okay , it is from either 2002 or 2003 or possible even 2004 although I think the G5 is from 2004 or 2005 . My laptop ( which is the one I use the most ) is an ibook G4 so , yeah , I know , it is a dinosaur for a computer but I love it and it works and I don 't want to get another anytime soon and yes , I am writing a run - on sentence ! I will get a new one eventually , but for now this works for what I need . I have to save for the hearing aids first ( I need $ 1140 ) for them . I actually have decided that perhaps I should break down and get them . I will try . I figure by end of October I should have enough to get them . That isn 't too far down the road , I mean , I waited this long , what 's another few months at this point ? Nothing . I just hope that I don 't get headaches from them . I AM worried about that . Perhaps I shouldn 't be , but I am . I get headaches so easy and I have one everyday , I am just worried that maybe the hearing aids will make the headaches worse . I just don 't know . I guess I will find out this fall . I have been playing words with friends on my nook . Right now I am actually WINNING one game with my friend , Mel ! So far , in the 2 months I have been playing , I have lost every single game . I am close to winning against Kathy too , which is surprising because she is VERY good at these type games . I enjoy playing and obviously , winning is not my main goal or I would have quit a while ago . I do enjoy playing the game and I currently am playing quite a few games with friends . 3 with Karlyn , 3 with Cheryl , 3 with Mrs . O , and several others too . It is fun and I am really learning a lot . I am now beating Kathy and I think we are both at a point where we can 't play anymore letters . How fun ! My pain level seems to be a bit higher because of the extreme ( to me ) heat and humidity . It is still manageable though so I am glad about that . I will need my scooter tomorrow because I am going to see Maia and she is in the hospital and they don 't have scooters there . There really isn 't anyway I can walk that far so I am bringing my scooter . I think we are staying for a short visit since Maia is so tired and not up for long visits and then off to dinner for a visit between the 2 of us . It is such a sad situation and my heart is breaking . Maia is a strong woman and has been fighting this cancer for over a year now . I can 't imagine life without her . Of course , I couldn 't imagine life without my mother either but it did happen . I prayed so hard that God would heal her and she got sicker and sicker . Sometimes i cry and want to know why ? Why does she have to be in so much pain ? Maia is in extreme pain all the time . She was getting pain meds every hour when she was home before she went into the hospital . I hope they have it in better control now . Maia has made her decisions and we will abide by them . I plan to visit as much as I can . She is such a good cousin . Lia ( Maia 's oldest ) will be in town next week so that is good . I don 't know if I will be able to see her but she will be able to see her mom . She and her husband are moving near by so they can be with her mom as much as possible . Right now , Lia is a few hours away . We didn 't get good news about Maia , my cousin today . She has months left to live before the cancer will take her . I knew it wasn 't good and I have had a feeling for a while that this was going to happen , it is just official now . She has the choice about continuing treatment or not . I haven 't spoken to her so I don 't know what she is going to pick . I am going over on Saturday . Maia is in the hospital now . She is in extreme pain , has trouble swallowing , and can 't get her IV because her lymphs are swollen . It is just heartbreaking . It is very hot here today . Tomorrow is supposed to be hotter then he will cool down . It isn 't as hot as it is in some parts of the country ( thank God for that ! ) but it is also pretty humid . I have only gone out a few times . I don 't go out much if I don 't have too . Brandon is supposed to cut the grass but with it this hot , I am not sure he will be able to . Maybe on Friday . I tend to ache more when it is this hot and humid . I don 't know if it is the extra humidity or what , but my head does ache more . I need to get a piece of music tomorrow for my student , Brooke Anne . I have the song Blessings for her but I also want her to sing , " Someone Like You " from Jekyll and Hyde . It is a lovely song . I have to take care of that earlier in the day . I only have one lesson tomorrow but my lovely Sammy is coming over to help with the CDs . She is such a good assistant . I really appreciate her help . I plan to get her a gift certificate when we are done organizing the music room . There are only a few things left to be done , but they are big things and I need help doing them . With the music mostly put away ( except for the band and orchestra instruments books ) , I have the CDs left and organizing the office supplies as well as putting away the Easter decorations . Yes , I know , they are still up . What can I say ? I just don 't think about them unless I am in the living room . When I see them I think about it but not when I am not in the room . I also have some pictures to put up . I have some really beautiful pictures that need to go up . They were once in my bedroom when I was in my old room . When I moved to the bigger room , I meant to put them up but I never got around to it . I have some pictures that need to go up in my bedroom too . Momma was an artist and there are 3 pictures that she painted specifically for me . 1 is a clown and it is up but the other 2 are cats and kittens that need to go up . I also have a beautiful picture from Prince Edward Island that Momma bought me when we were there . I will have either a Anne of Green Gables corneThe family room is coming along . There is some stuff in the room to sort but over all , most of the stuff is sorted and has a place for everything else . Most of my books downstairs will be donated now that I have a nook . There are a few exceptions , of course such as Anne of Green Gables books , Harry Potter books , and a few others but other than that , they will go . So far I have been giving them to Tilley to read and then she can either keep them or donate them herself . She has been reading an awful lot too . I think she is thinking about getting a kindle . I love my nook and rarely go anywhere without it when I need it for reading . I also play games and now I can even watch movies on it . I am thinking of upgrading to the HD big one before the end of the year . I think at the end of this year they may stop making them with all the other things that we can put on them . I don 't know . It is hard to say with Barnes and Nobles . I just know I love my e - reader . Kathy loves hers too . She is also planning to upgrade her nook too . Hers is getting slow and doesn 't always work . Since mine is less than a year old , I don 't have any issues with it getting slow or not working . I was so excited last night ! I was able to watch a movie on my nook ! ! ! ! I have wanted to watch this particular episode of Accused ( a BBC series ) from their second series for almost a year and I FINALLY got to see it last night . Now this was worth resigning up with netflix . I also have decided i want to see Game of Thrones . I have been listening for the last few years how good the show is and now I want to see it . Well , I can 't believe what I am about to write . I am cold sitting here in the air conditioning . It is much better than sitting in the heat though . I will just take the air conditioned house than the super hot weather outside . I wonder how Heather B - T and Bill are handling the heat and the kids at camp . I miss the little Maisy dog . I am learning the little " Snuggle Puppy " song to sing to her . Only 2 more days and the little doggy will be home along with Heather B - T and Bill ! I just want to snuggle with my Maisy Dog ! ! ! ! ! ! I also have to get some music for Isaac . I just remembered that too . I need to burn some CDs tomorrow . I have a list of what I need to do so I won 't forget . With this heat , brain fog tends to be worse than usual . I have lost 2 more pounds bringing the grand total up to 24 pounds ! I was hoping for a few more pounds but hey , 2 pounds is better than nothing . Sometimes , it seems like it will take forever to lose all the weight I need but it won 't seem like that in the long run . I am just anxious to get to my goal . I have decided that I have been eating too many chocolate chip muffins again . I am done with them . Plus , I have had a slight upset stomach from them the last few days so I am done with them . I am not sure if I should continue to take the safflower oil , the omega 3 , 6 , 9 , and the CLA . I don 't know if it is helping or not . I have asked for opinions on one of my fibro support groups on facebook . One of the support groups are very into supplements and things like that so I will see what others who take it think . With the amount of weight I need to lose , I want to stay as healthy as I can . I no longer wish to eat what is not healthy . If it isn 't healthy , I don 't want to eat it . It just isn 't worth it anymore . I can 't afford to gain anymore weight , I just can 't . I already have difficulty walking so hey , I need to lose this excess me . Today has been pretty busy so far . I had a couple of lessons before I had a doctor 's appointment . I went to the gastro doctor today . I have to have the camera scopy test again since the last one shut down 3 hours after it started . I will have it next Thursday morning . I will have it on all day . I hope it behaves this time . I don 't want to have to do this one again . Isaac had his lesson today . I haven 't seen him in several weeks . It is normal for summer with him . I will see him again on Friday . He is a very nice young man . We tried some songs . He sort of liked 2 and liked 1 . I will copy the three of them . I want him to try some from the other book too so I am not sure what he will like . He always surprises me . What I think he will for sure like , he doesn 't and what I am not sure about , he likes . Isaac is an unpredictable boy but I don 't mind . I just have one more tonight and then I am finished for the night . I am not sure what all I am going to do tonight . I have a few things I should do , but I don 't know if I want to do them . The procrastinator in me might win ! I don 't know ! It is a hard thing to chose some days . I am tired today though . I got up early so I should have an easier time sleeping tonight . Tomorrow is a quiet day too . I only have a few lessons too . Tuesday and Wednesday are my busiest days . I am hoping for some new students soon to replace the ones who have quit this summer . I don 't know who will come back except for Sally and Emily because they are just marked absent , not quit . This way , they don 't lose their scheduled time and they will start when they come back . Emily is in Poland for the summer . I hope she is having a good time . Sally is up in the UP in Saulte Ste . Marie . I have been up there . It is simply beautiful . The upper peninsula has some of the most beautiful spots in Michigan . I haven 't been there for years . Maybe next summer . This summer is pretty much a stay around home one except for the small trip to visit Kathy one weekend . I don 't know when that will be so I am open to when Kathy is available for me to come even if it is in September . I am watching Castle as I wait for Diana to arrive for her lesson . I like this show a lot . I only discovered it this year . I know I am slow on these things but hey , what can I say ? I am going to netflix Game of Thrones too . I can now get it on my nook . I can 't get it on my computer because my little computer and my big computer are too old . I am disappointed in that . My screen on my nook is smaller than my computer but oh well , I will survive . I don 't think Game of Thrones is on netflix . I am a bit frustrated now . Well , I will check into it . I am new to netflix so I am not sure what is all on it and what isn 't . Good thing I can put things in my instant que on my computer and then watch them on my nook . It is the middle of summer , the middle of July . I think it is 88 degrees right now , which isn 't too bad . It could be in the 100s like it is for some of my friends . I am thankful that it is not that hot and although there have been some days that were rather warm , nothing like in the 3 digits . I tried the Valerian root last night but it didn 't help . I am not sure if it was because for some odd reason I was so awake at that time or if it was because I only took 1 at first and then another one an hour and a half later . Either way , i didn 't really fall asleep before about 5 am . I am my normal tired today . It has been suggested to combine some of the vitamins too such as a small amount of melatonin and the valerian root . I will try this first and then try that . I am going to get a book that one of the ladies in a support group suggests . There is so much that can be done naturally instead of with chemicals that I want to try . The book is called from fatigue to fantastic . She says it has helped her a lot . It has not cured her , which would make me super suspicious as there is no cure , but it has helped . I am just looking for help . I know there is no cure . I figure every little bit adds up , right ? It can only not work for me . I know my conditions , I know the medicines I have to take . For example , I will never be able to not take the coumadin . I have a blood disorder that causes blood clots so stopping a blood thinning medicine would not be good for me . I also will have to continue with the reglan too because my stomach doesn 't digest properly . The last one is the synthroid because my thyroid doesn 't work . I do hope that Dr . R and I do find some headache medicine that will help lessen my headaches . It is tiring having a headache every single day , all day long . It never ends and hasn 't for over 10 years . This particular headache started in March of 2003 when I came down with the vasculitis . It hasn 't ended yet . Yup , over 10 years at this point . I can 't remember not having a headache anymore just like I can 't remember not being tired or having pain somewhere in my body ( besides my head ) . Tonight I will be cooking dinner . Yes , that is what I wrote , don 't faint , I am cooking . I am grilling steak , then cutting it up to put in fried rice with asparagus . With just Brandon and I this week , we won 't have to cook a whole lot of food although we made a lot of rice so we could have some for the rest of the week . Neither of us really like to cook that much . I do plan for us to have Chipotle one night . I don 't know when that will be but one night . The house is very quiet with just the to of us but it is a nice change . I look forward to them all coming home but it is a nice change . I do miss that little Maisy dog a lot already though . She is such a sweet and lovable dog . I simply adore her . Not that anyone who has read this doesn 't already know . I do not miss the bop it noises though . I must confess that . The game is very loud and can be annoying but the joy Acer gets from it outweighs any annoyance it gives me . Although , I can at times , ask him to play in a different room . We didn 't get any bop it pinball in on Saturday because my headache was just too bad . It has been a quiet day . Rick had his lesson . He is doing very well with his piano lessons . He played through the entire piece of " Fur Elise " by Beethoven today for the very first time today . I was very pleased about that and his sight reading wasn 't too bad either . Tilley came by to pick up a package for Maia . I also gave her the gifts for Warren and Phoenix . Their birthday party is next week and I have to teach so i won 't be attending . I will be going to Tilley 's on Saturday for a few hours so she can go and run some errands . I will stay with Maia while she is gone . I don 't plan to stay very long , just a few hours while Tilley does what she needs to do . Maia will probably sleep the whole time so I will bring my nook with me . Maia is very ill and she isn 't going to get any better . I am going to try to go and see her as much as I can on the weekends . This way , I will also be able to relieve Tilley and then she will be able to go and do errands or go out for a few hours if she wants to . This is very hard on her . She cried a bit today talking about it . My pain level is higher today . I am not sure why or if there is even a reason . I just know that it is . I am trying something different for sleep tonight . I am trying the Valerian Root . Tonight is the first night so we shall see how this will work . I am hoping for better results than just the Tylenol PM that I have been taking for a while . Advil PM didn 't really work any better . I just get so tired of not sleeping . I know most of us with fibro have sleeping problems but I haven 't exhausted all the options yet . I have tried the prescription sleeping pills and I got horrible nightmares from the Ambient CR . The others did nothing for me . I was awake all night long . I tried melatonin and that didn 't work either so I am trying this too . I hope it works or works better than the Tylenol PM . I have a few more lessons this week since a couple of students are back from vacation . I am glad about that . On the days I don 't have lessons , it is pretty boring around here . I would rather teach a few lessons each day than have a few days with no lessons but it just happens that way sometimes . This week only Saturday has no lessons so that is why I can go to Maia and Tilley 's . I am watching a marathon of Law and Order : Criminal Intent . They have all been new to me episodes except for the first one . That one I have seen before but the other 3 , including the one I am watching now , I have not seen . On words with friends , I was so excited , I got a word worth 108 points ! ! ! ! I know ! ! ! ! Isn 't that just totally awesome ? ? ? I was so excited ! ! ! I am now ahead of my cousin - in - law , Cheryl . I may even win for a change . I have been playing this game for about 6 weeks now and I have yet to actually win a game . I don 't particularly care too much about winning because I am still learning how to play and what words work and words don 't so until I have this down pat , I am not too worried about winning . Most of my friends who I am playing against have been playing for a very long time . There are a couple who play at my level but we just recently started playing against each other . Maisy is on vacation with Bill and Heather B - T this week . I miss the little dog . I did get a good snuggle from her before she left and I did ask if Heather B - T was sure she was taking Maisy . She said yes . They will be back by Friday so that isn 't too long . If this week is anything like any other week , it will fly by . Maisy did pee underneath the dining room table though before she left . I will NOT miss her peeing in the house . I will just miss the little dog . She is such a heart stealer . She stole mine that is for sure ! Ah , a Saturday . A Saturday with no lessons and no plans . I was going to visit Maia , but she isn 't up to a visit right now so I stayed home , which actually turned out better as I started not feeling too well this afternoon . I am very exhausted and I just don 't feel well over . There isn 't anything specific , it is just all over . I had to take a nap this afternoon right away when I was in the middle of reading face book at around 2 : 30 pm . All of a sudden , I just couldn 't stay awake and my head was not a happy camper so up the stairs Maisy and I went . I put her on my bed and we snuggled for a few minutes and then I went to sleep so did she . I slept for 2 hours . My head still hurts a lot but I couldn 't sleep anymore . Tomorrow , the kids go to camp . They are looking forward to it . I know they will have a really good time . I will miss them terribly but camp is such a good experience for them . Calli has attended several and she always learns a lot and has a good time . I expect Acer will too . In our house , summer is very busy . Rarely do we hear the words , I am bored around here . There is always something to do or somewhere to go . With the overnight camps , the day camps , the kids are very busy . I barely have time with them during the days they are home . Today is wash and pack day so they will be ready to leave first thing tomorrow morning . I will still be sleeping when they leave as I won 't be getting up as early as them . Acer is playing one of his many bop its . He knows all about every single model ever made including the one coming out this fall . He simply adores them . Acer likes to play the bop it pinball on the internet but today I am just not up to it . It can get quite loud and my head can 't handle that much loudness right now . I don 't think there is a bop it that Acer has tried that he doesn 't like . He even has them on his Ipod . On Acer 's Ipod is this song called , " Snuggle Puppy " . It is so cute and I want to learn all the words so that I can sing it to Maisy . Yes , I am that dorky ! I will sing to the dog ! ! ! ! ! As music flows through my head all the time , it shouldn 't surprise anyone that I would sing that to the sweetest , most adorable , girl doggie in the entire world , otherwise known as Maisy . Yes , I am sure by now , you know how much I adore that little dog . She is an excellent nap partner too . We took a good long nap until Heather B - T came home . At that point , well , she went to see who was here but that was near the end . I did feel her leave and peeked at the time . I got up about 15 minutes later since I really couldn 't sleep anymore . Pain level is a bit higher than usual today . It is really nice out and not very humid so I am not sure exactly why . Anxiety is doing fine , for a change . Actually , it is really nice out . It is a perfect day to go for a scooter again but it is too late in the day for Acer or Calli to go with me as Bill will be home from work in a while and then we will have dinner . After that the kids will have to finish up packing and go to bed . It is kind of funny how we have to get the scooter in and out of the garage . Acer has to climb on the scooter , put the key in and then back it out . There is only enough room for him to get in and out of the scooter , none for anyone else . When we come back , he has to drive it back in to the garage . It is amusing because a little blind boy drives my scooter in and out of the garage . Now the kids are arguing over what is going the notetaker of Acer 's . I love it when they get along and not when they argue . They are getting along again for a few minutes . Ah , the life with children ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I had a meeting with the group that will be helping to pay part of my hearing aids . They will pay 60 % of the cost , which is totally awesome . I have to figure out how long it will take for me to be able to save the balance , which is the 40 % . It should be a few months and then I will have good hearing , something I haven 't had since I was 13 and I had that horribly long ear infections in both ears that I never told my mother about . Yeah , I have cautioned Calli to never do that . Even if she is worried about telling her mom or dad about something that is wrong with her , she must tell them immediately . She said she would . I think I am a good example of what can happen if you don 't . Anyways , in a couple of months I will be hearing sounds I haven 't heard since I was a child . It will be weird . Calli is reading to Acer right now . It is a good story . I have been listening too . It is a mystery story . Acer loves to have people read to him . Last night , he wanted me to read to him before bed . I read 2 small stories and then he went to bed . I like to read before bed too . We are all readers in this house . It is a lovely thing to be in this house . Acer likes to read also . He has read a few books to me . I get such a joyous feeling when I hear him or Calli read . It makes me smile . Calli reads very well out loud . It is beautiful outside today . I actually want to take my scooter out and go for a scooter . Maybe Calli will want to go for a scooter walk today after Acer 's lesson . It is just that beautiful . The temperature is perfect along with the humidity level . It isn 't too humid and too hot . I haven 't scootered in a while either . We may even be able to bring Maisy . She loves to go for walks . Maisy and Q both love to go for walks . I don 't need to go for a long one , just enough to soak up the sun and the beautiful weather . I will ask after Acer 's lesson . Acer might want to go to . Who knows . One never knows in this house . I do like my scooter even though I wish I didn 't need one . I don 't expect that I will still need it even when I am thinner . It isn 't the fibro that causes me to need it so much as it is the arthritis . With the arthritis that is , as my doctor has said , riddled through my lower back , I cannot stand for very long nor can I walk very long or very far . When I have lost about 30 more pounds then I plan to start walking more outside of the house . My goal is to go to the top of the street and back without needing the scooter . I figure that maybe I will be able to go farther than I can , but as for walking for miles like I used to , I know I won 't be able to do that . I have a few students today . Acer is one of them . Ryan has been on vacation for 2 weeks so he is back today . I am glad . I miss my students when they are not here for their lessons . I don 't have that many so I do miss them when they are gone . Robyn is ill today so she won 't be coming . She has a summer cold and is planning to go to the doctor this afternoon . I hope she feels better next week . Well , Mr . Acer is anxiously awaiting for the bop it pinball on the computer so I am going to have to end this now . He is most impatient . I don 't blame him . He loves bop its a lot . We hear bop it games all day long . Acer even makes the noises himself when he isn 't playing the games . I love the harry potter books and movies . I remember being on vacation when the 5th book came out . I so wanted to buy it but I didn 't have enough because I bought a bit of Anne of Green Gables stuff . That was alright . As soon as I got home , I discovered Momma already bought me the book ! So had I bought it , I would have had 2 copies . Momma loved doing surprises like that for us . It didn 't matter to her we were adults . We were still her children and she loved surprising us . With me , it was usually books or music . I also , liked to surprise Momma with treats . For several years in a row , at Christmas , I surprised her with tickets to a musical . The last one we saw was the " White Christmas " at the Fox Theatre . Momma and I really enjoyed it . I cannot count the amount of musicals we saw both on TV , in the Movies , or live at a theatre . I miss my musical theatre partner so much . It isn 't the same without her . I do want to see some but I don 't really have anyone to go with anymore . Tonight , Acer wanted me to read him stories at bedtime . I was planning to go to choir but he wanted me to read stories so I didn 't go . It isn 't anything new . It has been so long since I have been there . I was feeling alright except I did have a bit of a bad headache too . I was proud of myself because I told him I would read 2 stories and I stuck to it . He tried to get another but I stuck to 2 . That hasn 't happened before . I usually cave and read another if not 2 more . Well , tonight I didn 't . Maisy and I took a ride to get gas this afternoon . She is a good little passenger . She really is . She stays on the passenger side most of the time . If I open the window , then she comes over to my side to see what is going on but other than that , she stays on the passenger seat . I love that little dog . I was purposely driving Calli crazy this afternoon . There is a song called " Snuggle Puppy " that is on Acer 's IPod . It is such a cute song . I only know part of it but I was singing over and over the part I know . She was like , ugh ! We did have good giggles about it though , which was my goal . I have been having trouble sleeping , which I know so many of us have . It has been a problem for years like so many of us but lately , it just seems to be even worse . I have tried ambien , rosarim , and other sleeping pills . I have also tried melatone and Tylenol pm and Advil pm too . I now have a list of other herbs and supplements to try . Yesterday , I slept about 15 hours , well , I was in bed for about 15 hours and it seemed like I didn 't sleep at all . I wake up every night about 2 then every hour until about 5 or 6 then again about 9 before I finally get up anytime between 11 and 1 . I am thankful that I live in a house with people who do not give me a hard time about how much I sleep or the hours I keep . Both Heather B - T and Bill are very much of the thought that if I need the sleep then sleep . I did have to take a nap 2 hours after I woke up and I got up at 1 pm . I slept for about an hour from 3 to 4 so I did feel better . I am getting tired again now but as it is 9 : 45 that is not a bad thing . Tomorrow I have to get up at 11 : 30 for Elizabeth 's lesson at noon . I am meeting with Michigan Works tomorrow . I need a letter from Heather B - T for them and then I have everything I need . It is to help me get hearing aids that I need . I am finally breaking down and getting them . I didn 't realize how much I needed them until Heather B - T and crew moved in . I cannot hear her at all when she calls me from upstairs or downstairs if I am in the dining room . I just can 't . I am hoping that I don 't get worse headaches though . I am nervous about that . We shall see , I suppose . I have been losing weight these past few months . I am glad about that . I am off the Amitryptiline medicine that helped me gain weight . The medicine I am now has a side effect of losing weight and decreasing the appetite . I am also working on portions and eating properly too so it isn 't all medicine . I am working hard too . I also take safflower oil , cla , and omega 3 . 6 . 9 . I don 't know how much of the weight loss they are adding to but I am taking them . Overall , the pain levels don 't seem to be changing all that much except for , of course the headaches and my right hip pain . The right hip hurts a lot as well as the right lower side of the back . I don 't know if it is arthritis or the kidney or who knows what . Well , I am going to play my words with friends as I finish up the last hour of the movie . I love Harry Potter ! I will say that Anne of Green Gables is my all time favorite character EVER and her books are the best ever but Harry Potter is second . They are amazing too just not quite as amazing as Anne of Green Gables . It is Independence Day , July the 4th ! ! ! ! ! Independence is something that I think every parent wants for their children too . I would have to say , I was semi - independent . I never moved from my childhood home . When I was in my mid 20 's and graduated from University , my friends were ALL having issues with their roommates or roommate boyfriends , just tons and tons of drama . I asked if I had to move out and Momma said no so I didn 't . Good thing too because within a year , I had gotten very ill and was pretty much bed ridden at that point . When I got a bit better and could live on my own , I didn 't want to move so I didn 't . That also was a good thing too because , well , I got the vasculitis and it took 6 weeks for doctors to figure out what was wrong with me . I never really recovered from that . Then Momma started with the Alzheimer 's Disease so she needed me as much as I needed her . Here in our house , I am once again pretty independent . I pay my bills and teach my lessons . We split the house chores between all of us . Independence is so important for people and to live in a country where Independence is not only encouraged but the goal is a wonderful . Momma really wanted all of us 3 to be Independent but none of us counted on me getting so sick so young . I do think that despite my being ill , I am pretty independent . I temporarily forgot that Calli was 13 . I kept telling her she was 12 . Whoops ! Nothing like forgetting how old the teenager is ! Acer is 8 1 / 2 . I was speaking to a Mom who 's daughter took lessons a couple of summers ago and her daughter is now 8 1 / 2 too . That 1 / 2 is so important to the kids . Me ? I don 't want to add anything to my age that is for sure . Heather B - T 's birthday is tomorrow ! Calli is giving me gray hair . Right now , Castle is on . It is running a marathon . I love this show too . Since the kids were in the room , I muted the sound . This is an interesting episode . It was a relaxing day after all . I thought I was going to have 8 ( yes , 8 ) lessons today . This is more than usual , believe me ! Well , I had 2 . The rest either canceled or came an hour late and I had another lesson at that time or forgot about the lessons . I was worried about how I would handle the day as I usually only have a few lessons a day . I used to routinely teach 8 to 12 lessons a day but now , I just can 't do that . It is too tiring for me and I ache too much after teaching that much . You wouldn 't think so as I teach music , but it takes a lot of energy to teach music and I get tired really easy . Heather B - T 's friend , Deedee has moved back here from Spain and was visiting this afternoon . It was a lovely afternoon . The kids got along really well and they stayed for dinner . The kids were a bit nervous around Q and Maisy , but they did okay with them . I am much more relaxed now that the results are good . I had a nice visit with Kathy during lunch and after . Acer had to show her all his toys . She went upstairs and got the tour of Acer 's toys . She really enjoyed Acer showing her his toys and talking to Calli . I think the kids really enjoyed visiting with Kathy too . I am planning to go and see Kathy next month sometime . She will let me know when will be a good time . Rizzoli and Isles is on right now . I love this show . It is the new season . Tomorrow , Bill will be bringing home Season 3 of Rizzoli and Isles for me to watch over the week . I don 't have any plans on the 4th except for the one lesson I have in the afternoon . I don 't really ever have too many plans on the 4th . When I was young , it was a day of extra work around the house . I remember one year in high school , I had permission to go to the beach with a friend on the 4th but at the last minute Momma changed her mind . I was so upset . She bought a new shed and wanted us to put it up on the holiday . I could go to the beach after I was done . Well , we didn 't get done until the next day . I was so upset and angry at her . Unfortunately , this was something Momma did a lot . It was definitely one of her not so good qualities . We all have them , but that one used to really make me angry . I never really knew until I was out the door or at the activity if I really could attend or not . Despite all that , I still miss her so much . Sometimes it seems like yesterday that she passed away and sometimes it seems years and years ago . Sometimes it still physically hurts that she is gone and sometimes it is just hurts in general . Overall , I am doing better than I was but I don 't expect to ever stop missing her in general . From what I have been told by my friends who have also lost their mothers , I probably won 't . Most of them still miss their moms a lot . I was definitely a Momma 's girl that is for sure . I guess when I was small I was a Daddy 's girl until he left and then I became attached to the hip with my Momma . That is what she told me anyway . Well , on to playing Words with friends and reading . I am still on the 3rd book of the O ' Malley series . It is just so good ! The results are in and here they are : I do not , at this point have cancer . There are clear cells present but nothing to worry about at this point . The mass has not grown too much in 5 years either . It went from 2 . 7 to 2 . 9 so that isn 't too significant . I am pleased with this . It needs to be monitored but that is okay . I can deal with the monitoring . I am just glad I don 't have cancer . I was very worried and I know Kathy was too . Heather B - T drove us and we all went into the doctor 's office . I had both Heather B - T and Kathy come incase it was positive and I needed to really pay attention on what to do next . Heather B - T and I did read up on clear cells and since my mass is only 2 . 9 and not 7 centimeters , we are not too worried about it . If it grows , then we will worry about it . I do need to have the mass re - checked in 3 months but that is okay . I will have it done . I don 't have any lessons today . Monday is usually a light day anyway but Bob needed to reschedule until tomorrow since he had to work this afternoon . It won 't be a problem to have his lesson tomorrow . It will be a bit busier but that is okay . Kathy and I went to lunch today . We went to Chipotle . It was the first time I had been there in about 3 weeks . I used to go weekly but not anymore . I am working on eating here at home more . It is better for me and it saves me money , which is something I need to do too . I plan to visit Kathy this summer in August for a couple of days . We always have a good time . I stay at a hotel because there just isn 't enough room at her house for me to stay . I try to stay at a place that has a pool so the kids can come and swim . That is always a good thing . It is nice to have the kids have a pool and come and swim . They swim and Kathy and I chat . Kathy left shortly after lunch . It was so funny before we went . Kathy pulled out her phone and was having trouble reading it so I handed her my reading glasses and they helped her read the phone . She was not too happy about that so right after lunch we went and got her reading glasses . They are similar to mine as far as the prescription goes but a slightly different style . Hers also comes with a case just like mine do . I also got some more tea as we were almost completely out . I put the picture of Maisy in one of my Disney frames today . She looks so adorable in the Winnie the Pooh frame on the piano . She is such a cute dog . I tell her all the time what a good girl she is and how she is the cutest little girl dog in the world . I think she realizes that she has me wrapped around her little paw . I just love Maisy so much . I had no idea I would get so attached to her but I sure have . I even have her sleep on my bed when Heather B - T and Bill aren 't home . I know , me ! Miss , I don 't want a dog on my bed ! Well , I do ! ! That little girl sleeps on my bed when they aren 't home and I am not ready to get up yet . She likes to sleep at my feet . She sleeps on her back and it is so cute . Her little paws are in the air and oh , it is the cutest thing ! Kathy FINALLY got to meet Maisy today . Maisy was a bit nervous at first but then she came around to Kathy especially after Kathy gave her a treat . We all gigI am going to take the Easter stuff down ( finally ) off the 2nd piano . I know , I know , I should have done it a long time ago , but I didn 't . I couldn 't find a box to put them in . I wanted a plastic box not a cardboard box and I kept forgetting to go to the store and get one or when I got to the store I would forget to get one . Now , I have one . I have had it for a couple of weeks but I still haven 't done it yet . Well , I need the space for Maisy 's picture so I have to do it today . I also want both of Mom 's pictures on the 2nd piano instead of one on each piano . The one on the piano that I use the most gets pushed back and I am afraid that it will fall behind the piano and then no one will be able to get it because there is no way to get stuff from behind the pianos so I need to move the one picture . I also want to put up the rest of my beanie babies that I am keeping back on the piano . They look so sweet up there . I have lots of Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals that belong on the piano when it isn 't Christmas or Easter . It is a bit chilly today but I don 't mind . I have a really cute hoodie sweater that goes with all my dresses . I did buy myself a new top today . It was super cute and lacy at the top . It is tan and I think It will go very nicely with the blue skirt or the coral skirt . I do have to take the turquoise skirt and the coral skirt to Nancy to fix . I need to do that this week if she is at work . The seams are on the outside and I don 't like that at all . I want seams on the inside . A few years ago , that was the style but I don 't like it so since there is so much work needed to do with it , I am taking it to her . I also will need to get some fall dresses and winter ones too since I do not plan to get any pants . I like skirts and dresses so much better . I also plan to make me some skirts and dresses . I like sewing with people not so much on my own . Star wants to do some sewing so we are going to do some together . Last year , Aggie and I made her costume for the yomicon weekend and this year she is making it herself ! Posted by I teach music and sewing to the most amazing kids in the world . I like to read and do crafts in my spare time . I also love reading blogs about other peoples life . I hope you enjoy reading mine . I also have fibromyalgia and arthritis . |
When Jonas woke up he was alone . A small note was placed on the pillow beside him : " We had to go to work . Breakfast is in the cantina on the ground floor . Thank you for a wonderful night . " He looked around . All traces of their wild lovemaking had disappeared , except from his memory . A quick shower brought him back to reality , and soon he enjoyed the morning light on the terrace . The serene quiet , and the beauty of the lake and the mountains , made up his mind for him . He would start working on his first symphony here . For a long time during his studies , he had built the structure of a big work in his head , but he had never had the time , the peace , and the inspiration to do anything about it . On his way to the cantina he poked his head into Sarah 's office . " Hi , dear . What a wonderful night . I 'm going to have some breakfast , and then we should talk . " " I have decided to stay here and start work on a symphony . I 'll never find a more inspiring place . Is it OK that I stay for a while ? " " I shall have to call Copenhagen , then . I have to order a powerful computer to make hard disk recording , a new keyboard and some software . Then I 'll have to go there for about a week to pick it up , and to have the computer store arrange a crash - course in the software . Can I use the phone in your office ? " " Oh , we didn 't show you ? There is a phone in the small cupboard on the wall , beside the sofa . You 're sure you couldn 't get the stuff in Verona ? " " That 's very sweet of you . Maybe Verona could work out . The software I need is in English . Maybe they have a guy there , who can instruct me in English . " " OK . Write a list to me . I 'll call before noon . Just drop the list at my office , when you have finished your breakfast . OK ? " Sarah blushed and left hurriedly . Jonas wondered if he should be able to follow her advice : " This is sex , not love . Don 't make preferences . " When he dropped by her office she was not there . He placed the list on her desk and returned to ' Arthur 's house ' . Around 11 he heard the faint sound of a telephone ringing . He opened the small cupboard . It was Sarah . " The music - store was a good idea . The computer people had no idea , but there is a guy at the music - store who seems to know all about it . He speaks perfect English . Call him now , he 's waiting for your call . " The guy really seemed to know all about it . When he heard that Jonas wanted to work on a symphony , he quickly made some calculations . Then he said : " You 'll need a very powerful server to keep such a large file , and then you 'll need a fast client with a lot of memory to do the work on . Plus a printer , of course , to print out the sheet music . I use Macintosh myself , and I can recommend it strongly . I haven 't had one single breakdown , and not one overload . " " Sure . It 's a little more expensive , but worth the extra money . About the keyboard : I should recommend that you visit us personally . It 's up to personal taste , whether you like the different voices . I gather you want something as close to natural as possible . " " Sure . We 've got 5 of that kind , but you should hear them yourself . If you can drop by around 10 tomorrow , I shall have them lined up for you . By then I shall also know how much time I need to get the computers here , and I shall be able to give you an estimate of the price . By the way , do you know the Ally mixer - program ? It 's quite new . When you regulate forte - piano on each single instrument , it will write it into the sheet music . Very smart . " " Wow . No , we didn 't have that at the school of music in Copenhagen . Saves a lot of manual work , doesn 't it ? " At noon production was stopped , and a light lunch was served at the cantina . Jonas was led to a chair with the name of Arthur carved on the back . He only knew Sarah and Gina among the women at his table . He told Sarah about his trip to Verona the next day . " Fine . I shall have a map of Verona ready for you tomorrow . It 's a fine town , but it 's almost impossible to find your way about , if you haven 't got a good map . One thing more : We shall have to schedule your Italian lessons . That is , if you are still intended on learning . " " Gina will be your first tutor . She 'll focus on pronunciation and everyday language . You know , so you 'll be able to go shopping , or manage a visit to a restaurant , etc . Depending on how good a learner you are , she might do it in a couple of weeks . " Sarah asked : " What time would you prefer ? We can give Gina an hour , either right after the siesta , or towards the end of working hours . That means she 'd be at Arthur 's house either around two or around five . " They had some small talk on the walk to his house . Luna was not as proficient in English as the other women he had met up till now . She also seemed to be quite shy . When they were on the terrace she said : " Arthur always had his siesta on the terrace . Only in very hot summers did he use the bedroom . There is air - conditioning there . " For a little while Luna just stood there , as if she wanted him to take some kind of an initiative . As if she was too shy to do so herself . She was actually very pretty , in an innocent way . Small and slim with a lovely complexion , which made it impossible to decide whether she was 17 or 28 . " Well . I think I 'm going to lie down . Would you care to rest with me , or would you rather go back to your own place ? " When he took hold of her T - shirt and pulled upwards , she lifted her arms to make it easier . The cutest little tits were bared to his eyes . She quickly removed her skirt and panties in one movement , and laid down on the double bed . She pulled the thin , white sheet over her body and waited . While Jonas undressed he looked down on Luna . You could say she was the absolute opposite of the women , who had fucked him last night . She was shy and a little embarrassed , but in her eyes he saw her longing . When he joined her on the bed , she slipped into his arms and laid her head on his shoulder while she pressed her belly and her pubic bone into his hip . " Those of us , who would like to spend the siesta with Arthur , sit down at his table at lunch . Well , now it is with you . But there was always kind of a fight to get a seat there . " In one soft , sliding movement she rolled on top of him , sensed his hardening cock and softly pressed her wet cunt against it , to slip the head in between her slippery lips . He hadn 't reached full hardness when he was buried to the hilt in her hot vagina . She lay very quiet for a moment , enjoying the feeling of his cock growing inside her . " Oh , my God , you fill me up so wonderfully . Will you please let me fuck you this way ? It 's the only way I can have an orgasm . " " Of course , Luna . This way I can watch you a lot better . You are very pretty , you know . I love your breasts . Can I touch them ? " She was lovely to look at , and her cunt made the most gorgeous gurgling sounds , as she fucked herself up and down on Jonas ' hard cock . Her small handfuls of tits were jumping around on her chest , obviously a little soft and sagging from breastfeeding , but very cute and erotic anyway . When he stopped their gyrating with his hands , she let out a deep sigh , and a little later , when he pinched her nipples lightly , she positively groaned and moaned . She began accelerating . Slowly and deliberately she increased her speed and her movements , until she was virtually slapping into him in a fast rhythm , which soon exploded in a loud scream . " Ooohh , yesssss , yessss , aaaaahhh , yesssss . " While she was coming Jonas grabbed her slim hips , and without leaving her spasming cunt he turned her over on her back and fucked her hard and violent for half a minute , until he also came hard and collapsed on top of her . For a moment they held on to each other 's sweaty bodies , and then finally Jonas rolled of her . " Hey , lover . I have to go back to work now , and you 'll have to get ready for your first Italian lesson . Do you want me to show you how to fold the bed back into a sofa ? " Jonas pulled her head down and kissed her . " Sure . It did look a bit tricky , but on the other hand , it feels like a real bed , when it is unfolded , and when it was a sofa I couldn 't see that it would unfold . " He got out of bed , and Luna folded the bed , as if she had done it before . She kissed him gently and said : " You were lovely , Jonas , but you 've better get dressed now . Bye for now . " And she was gone . While he was dressing , Jonas contemplated what had happened to him . He just could not believe , that he had barely spent 24 hours in his new possession , and already he had fucked five gorgeous and horny women , and beautiful Sarah he had fucked more than once . " I think they are going to run me down , " he thought . On the other hand , during long periods through his education , when he had been without a steady girlfriend , he had often masturbated twice a day to relieve the pressure . " Can I pour you a glass ? " When she nodded he continued : " I 'm not going to tell you , Gina . When I was a teenager , my father always told me , it is the epitome of disloyalty to reveal to other people what you have done with a lover . " " Wow . Now you mention it ; I don 't think I ever heard Arthur talk about the other girls . And actually I liked him for it . There are so many silly men , who have to brag about their exploits . He has certainly taught you well . " Gina turned out to be an excellent teacher . She had prepared a small note of her planning , but most of their ' conversation ' was done in Italian . She was patient and persistent , and she never left a sentence or a word , until she was sure he had understood it fully , and his pronunciation was right . " I wouldn 't want you to sound like a Dane , speaking Italian with an American accent . " After half an hour Jonas ' head was spinning . Italian was all new to him , and he felt that he was filled up for the day . Strangely Gina could sense it . " Ha , ha . Fishing for information ? Your best way of finding out would be to show me a little more of your beautiful body . That should remind me of some of the wild things we did last night . " She got out of her chair and stopped in front of him , legs apart and her hands on her hips . " I 'll do it one better . I 'll have you reveal my body . Take 'm off , Jonas . " Her skirt with a floral pattern was only held by an elastic band round her waist , so he simply pulled it down over her hips , revealing the fact that she wore nothing underneath . He touched her swollen shaved cunt . " Oh - oh . My wonderfully horny Gina had her mind set for something ? " First she climbed the sofa , standing with her feet on either side of his hips , pushing her pelvis close to his face . Jonas grabbed her ass and pressed his mouth to her dripping cunt . He sucked hard on her clit , bringing it into his mouth , where he could flick it with quick movements of his tongue . " Ohhh , stop it , Jonas . I want your cock . " She supported herself on his shoulders , while she bent her knees and slowly impaled herself on his big cock . " AAaaaahhh . God , you are good , Jonas . I didn 't need any more pussy licking . Rose made me come 6 times with her mouth , after we left you last night . But this is heaven ! " She closed her eyes , and with quivering thighs she moved up and down on his hot , fat cock , leaning in to rub her soft , slightly sagging breasts in his face . She opened her eyes again , looking into his eyes while she used one hand to unbutton her blouse . She lifted one breast with her hand and fed the nipple to his mouth . " Ooohh , Jonas , eat it , suck it , and do what you want . " Jonas sucked very hard on her nipple , which made it swell between his teeth . Then he reached round her hip , and at the same moment that he bit rather hard into her nipple , he pressed a finger against her asshole . Gina let out a loud yell , and grinded her hips hard against his cock and his finger . " Oh , yes , ooohhh , yesss . I 'm a horny cunt . I can 't help it . Please , Jonas , bite me again and push your finger up my ass , please . Oh , my God , I think I 'm going to come , now . I am . . . I 'm coming . Oh , God , bite me - diddle my ass - I 'm comiiiiiing . " Her convulsions were so hard , she almost fell off his lap . Instead she collapsed with her arms round his neck . Jonas grabbed her shoulders and shook her . " Get off and lie down on the floor , Gina . I 've got one hard cock here which didn 't catch up with you . " Willingly she pulled off and lay down with her legs spread wide , showing her glistening cunt in all its glory . With a groan Jonas plunged into her slippery opening . " Now , you lovely horny cow , you lie dead quiet while I fuck you . Tell me what a horny cow you are , but DON ' T MOVE ! " " Ooohhh , yesss , Jonas . Yessss , I 'm a horny cow . I can 't help it . You can do whatever you want . If its dirty , perverted or immoral , I get so horny I can 't stop . God , Jonas , fuck my crazy cunt . Spurt your hot sperm into me . Come , Jonas , do it , come . " She did what he had told her to do . Her soft , feminine body lay dead still , but her cunt was livid , hot and alive , and her eyes were veiled with passion . Jonas didn 't last long in that hot furnace . Shivering all over he emptied himself in her hot cunt , and was rewarded with a hot shower of juice . Gina did the near impossible : She didn 't move an arm or a leg , but her cunt was spasming around his spurting cock , giving evidence to her own orgasm . She smiled . " Not at all , Jonas , because I am , aren 't I ? In fact I loved it . Like I told you , if it is dirty , perverted or immoral , I 'm all for it . I can 't help it , but I get so terribly horny . " She got up from the floor and started to dress . " You know , Jonas , if only men could be less controlling , wanting to exercise ownership , they 'd find out that most women are a lot hornier and experimenting than they show their husbands or lovers . You and your father are the only two men I 've met , where I can feel safe and let go of all the inhibitions my mother installed in me . " " You just wait , young man . There are quite a few of us here . You 'll meet plenty . " She collected her papers , kissed him good - bye and started towards the door . On a barren mountain top above the tree limit stood a small shed with the faded letters c - a - f - é painted in dull red . The elderly lady owner treated him to a simplistic culinary experience of the highest calibre : Hot , sweet espresso coffee , home - baked buns with two kinds of goat 's cheese , and a nice talk in German mountain dialect . The cheese and the butter , she told him , were made on their farm two miles down the other side of the mountain . Her son was running the farm these days , after her husband 's death . While the sun was setting over the magnificent view , this woman told him about life in the mountains , about losing her husband , about her son , who was not very happy that she wanted to run the small café . " Der hat Angst , weil Ich so . . . He is afraid that I spend so many hours up here . Of course we have no telephone , and he 's scared I 'll die from a heart attack like my husband . " " No . A few tourists in the summer . But you have just lost your parents , you should know how much good a place like this can do to a heavy heart . " I shall jump the chronology here , to tell that the next day in Verona , Jonas bought a set of hand - held radios . In the afternoon he approached the café from the other side of the mountain , where he stopped at the farm and gave the widow 's son one of the radios and explained how to use it . When he entered the café , a smiling lady greeted him : " Ach , mein Adonis ist wieder da . " A warm friendship developed between them , and whenever Jonas was in Italy he would visit the small café at least twice a week . A year later the radio saved her . She fell and broke a leg and hit her head badly . When she called her son on the radio , he rushed her to hospital , and she was spared any permanent damage . " Well , dear Jonas . First of all , my period started this morning , and I 'm always terribly sore the first couple of days . And secondly : Like I said before , you must be careful not to prefer one of us to the others . If you are hungry for a good fuck , I 'm sure there are still 10 or 15 willing girls enjoying the evening cool on the roof . " " Yeah . Of course you are right again . And no , I 'm not hungry for a fuck . But you still can 't prevent me from thinking that you 're the sweetest and prettiest woman I 've known . " " And I think you are a wonderful , nice man , and to tell you the truth , I shall have to be careful , too , because I don 't want to fall in love with you . Nothing good will come out of that . Sleep well , dear . " She kissed him again and left . His trip to Verona was a major success . Bruno turned out to be a very kind and very knowledgeable man , a few years older than himself , and also an educated composer . He worked in three fields , actually . Part time in the music store , part time as a training pianist at the opera in Verona , and finally he had a small room at the back of the store , where he did his composing on an impressive array of computers and keyboards . He had hooked up five keyboards to his equipment , and easily Jonas chose an expensive Yamaha , which had sounds as close to the natural instruments , as could be rendered electronically . " Oh , yes , I know that factory . You can believe me , there was a terrible lot of gossip the first couple of years . So that was your father ? " After the lesson Jonas took to the mountains in his Morgan , delivered the radios to ' his ' widow and her son , and was back at Arthur 's house at five . By that time he could feel that he had not rested during the siesta , so he got out of most of his clothes and went to sleep on the sofa on the terrace . It was past eight o ' clock when the evening cool woke him up . He took a quick shower , dressed lightly in a pair of slacks and a T - shirt , and sat down at his new keyboard to practice , while he waited for his surprise . He was dragged out of his reverie by a light tapping on the front door . Before he even got up from his stool , the door opened , and the strangest procession entered his living room . The eight women looked as if they had just stepped out of the pages of a history book . They were dressed in the style of Roman women from 2000 years ago , three of them in flowing , white garments , and the other five scantily clad to symbolise slaves , carrying an array of platters and trays . The ' slaves ' walked right through the big living room onto the terrace , while the three ' ladies ' went up to Jonas . Jonas was sure he had not noticed any of these three women before , or maybe their heavy makeup and elaborate hairdos had changed them beyond recognition . He got up to stand among them , and said : " I can 't say I recognise any of you . Who are you ? " " For tonight you only need to know our Roman names . We are Lavinia , Venus and Liva . Venus is the brown - haired one , who looks like she loves spaghetti ! " Venus pushed her playfully on the shoulder . " Baaaa , you are just envious . You know , Jonas , Liva has almost no tits . " He heard that the ' slaves ' were moving around some furniture behind his back , but Lavinia quickly regained his attention by opening his trousers and pulling them off . Liva stood behind him and grabbed his T - shirt and pulled it off . For a short moment he was naked , but soon a tunic was pulled over his head , reaching down almost to his knees . It was very light , almost like a long T - shirt , and the edges were embroidered . It was a very comfortable garment , he soon realised . Venus placed a wreath on his head , and last Lavina draped a toga round his body . " Wow , " she said . " You really look like a delicious young Roman , of the blonde breed . " She got up on her toes , threw her arms round his neck and kissed him , while she pressed her soft body against his . This could really turn into one hot night . When Lavinia let go of him , Venus took over . She was a bit on the voluptuous side , very cute to look at , and she kissed him lightly . " I 'm sure our slaves have our meal ready . May I invite you to join us ? " While they dressed him , the ' slaves ' had built a low platform in the middle of the floor , covered with blankets and pillows . Of course Jonas had seen paintings of Roman dinners , so he knew what was expected of him . He reached out his hands and led Venus and Liva to the platform , where they all lay down , not very close , but within reaching distance . Venus pulled down on the cut out in her dress , to show a bit more of her ample , soft breasts . " You know , it is considered proper to take off your toga if you get too warm . The tunic is sufficient clothing , and it is very comfortable . " She kissed his hand and smiled . " It allows us to touch you now and then , too . " The ' slaves ' walked into the living room , carrying small plates , which they placed within reach on the platform . They were certainly dressed to excite . A small , thin scarf for a bra , and another scarf tied round their waists to serve as a skirt . The skirts were so short that even when the girls were standing upright , they did nothing to hide the fact that they were naked underneath . One of them stooped to place a plate beside Venus , but when Venus stretched out a hand to let it run up her leg , she immediately straightened up and spread her legs to make her cunt more available . " Yes . For tonight Liva , Lavinia and I are three ordinary , high - class women . We are a horny bunch , all right , but we are to be treated as you would any woman . The slaves are different . They are available for anything , and I mean anything . They are not allowed to take any initiative , and they can say ' no ' to nothing . " " Ha , ha . They need no persuasion . They are five of our masochists , and they love to play this part . Even if we give them a flogging , they 'll love it . If you 'd like to try later on , I bet they 'll fight to be the chosen one . " They had been eating and drinking for almost half an hour , when Jonas felt the heat rise . All that available pussy , the conversation turning more and more lewd , plus the great Barolo wine , raised his temperature . He tried to pull off the toga , but he found it very difficult , as he was lying on it . He made the first movements of getting up , but Lavinia stopped him . She and Liva lay down on either side of him , and Liva pressed her boyish body against him , to make him roll a little to the left . When the snip of his toga was free , Lavinia pushed her firm tits against him , to make him roll the other way , so they could unwind him like a cocoon of a silk butterfly . The sexy movements of the two women , plus the soft hands touching his body almost everywhere , soon had his cock stand proudly under his tunic . Lavinia slipped her hand under the hem and grabbed his ' weapon ' . " Wow , girls . They sure haven 't been telling lies . That 's a magnificent love - stick you 've got here , Jonas , I can hardly wait , but I have to . " Reluctantly she let go of his cock and waved a sign to the slaves . Quickly the plates were removed from the platform , and a little later one of them placed a tape in the stereo . Strange music , played by drums and an array of flutes , filled the room , and the slaves began a highly erotic and suggestive dance . The dancing soon turned into more explicit sex . Off went the scarves , which had done such a perfunctory job of covering their parts , and hands replaced cloth . Still moving languidly to the music , they performed a veritable lesbian group show . Jonas just had to touch his hard , throbbing cock . Voluptuous Venus gently removed his hand and rolled him over to lie on his back , while Lavinia gave a few orders in Italian . One of the dancers left the group on the floor , climbed the platform and straddled Jonas . Venus was lying beside him , and with her left hand she pointed his cock to the target , while the dancer bent her knees and impaled herself . With a deep sigh she sank all the way down in one push , her pussy being so wet that he met no resistance . Venus leaned over to kiss him . Then she licked his ear with a pointed tongue and whispered : " You are going to savour all five slave pussies . They may come , if they can , but they are strictly forbidden to make you come . That is reserved for Liva , Lavinia and me . Believe me , they are all terribly horny and on the verge of orgasm . " Liva reached out and pinched the slave 's nipples hard . That was all it took . With an almost painful scream she exploded round Jonas ' cock . Her orgasm had hardly died out when Venus slapped her ass hard . Immediately she got off Jonas , and another slave climbed the platform . A shaved , plumb , baby - like pussy filled his vision . The contrast between her innocent looking peach and the small stretch - marks on her belly , showing her to be an experienced woman , added a couple of millimetres to Jonas ' cock , and he eagerly placed his mouth where it was supposed to be . When his tongue separated those succulent lips , an abundance of sweet , slightly aromatic juice bathed his tongue , and when he circled her clit she almost jumped on his face . Her slim thighs quivered while she moaned : " No , no , no , I want to come on his cock . Let me try his cock . " God in Heaven , that cunt was hot . And tight . When Lavinia took up position behind her and started slapping her ass hard , she went off like a rocket . Jonas had the hardest trouble not to spill his load , while she screamed and cramped round his cock . Venus signalled to Lavinia , and with a firm grip round the slave 's waist she was pulled off Jonas , and the last cramps of her orgasm were wasted in thin air . When Lavinia set her free , she collapsed on the floor beside the platform . " That was close , " Venus laughed . With an experienced grip she pressed hard on the underside of his cockhead , almost pushing his pending orgasm back into his body . " Ready for the next ? " She could be no more than 17 or 18 ! An exquisite beauty with the firm , smooth body and pointed tits of a teenager . No trace of childbirth . " Sure she is . Her baby was very premature , and she is only 17 ! Better be careful she doesn 't take you ! " When Jonas ' cock hit bottom , a very erotic veil formed over her big , brown eyes . With a naughty smile she leaned back and supported herself on one hand , while she moved the other into her abundant black bush and began masturbating . She smiled and showed her pearly , white teeth . " Oh , master , I have never been filled this good . I promise to sit very quiet , but please let me come on you . " " OK . Your wish is granted , but I want you to move up and down five times before you start . Your cunt is very good for a slave . " She was very good . She squatted over him , supporting her hands on her knees . Ever so slowly she stretched her knees until only her lips covered his cockhead , and slowly , slowly she descended again . On her way up it looked as if the cock leaving her pulled out her cuntlips , and on the down stroke they were pushed back in . She was divine . After the fifth down stroke she sat down on him , stretched her legs and spread them wide , leaned back on her left hand once more , and took to masturbating . She didn 't last very long . After a few minutes the tiniest little movements in her tight pussy told about the oncoming orgasm , and Jonas really had to concentrate on other things . He turned his head towards Venus . " Take it easy , Jonas . You don 't have to make them all come ! See that slender girl with the brown hair ? That 's Mariana . She 'll be more than happy , if you tell her to bend over the table . Slap her ass very hard a few times , and then stick it in . If you order the last slave to help you , she 'll pinch Mariana 's clit , and she 'll cry from happiness . " As predicted , Mariana had no trouble reaching an orgasm , once Jonas had dealt her ass a few slaps . The last slaps were a lot harder than he had intended , but the way she moaned with lust and twisted her behind to entice him , made him hit her harder and harder . She was actually coming from the spanking and the pinching of her clit , when he finally buried his cock in her cunt . Jonas felt so much on top of the situation that she was the first slave , who was allowed to finish her orgasm on his cock . While he tried to think up a way to enjoy the last slave , she was on her knees , cleaning his cock with her tongue . He grabbed her hair . They looked questioningly at him , apparently not understanding what he wanted . Lavinia barked a few words in Italian , and immediately the last slave lay down on the table , wriggled her ass close to the edge , and spread her legs and arms . The other four slaves took up position around her , and Mariana set out by slapping her thighs hard a few times , which elicited moans of passion from her . When Mariana had guided his cock into this , the last slave - cunt , they all used their hands to heighten her passion . Everything they did had something to do with pain . They pinched her nipples excruciatingly hard ; they slapped her belly , grabbed the skin of her belly and pulled upwards very hard , to make her clit stand out proud and shiny . Any pain they inflicted on her just made her groan and scream even more . Not from the pain , but from the lust it generated . Only a couple of minutes later she yelled out in orgasm and fainted . Jonas ' head was reeling with passion and new , horny images , when he pulled his shiny cock out of the half dead girl . Not even in his imagination had he experienced anything like it . His Danish girlfriends up till now had been passionate , all right , but it was all so ' clean ' and straightforward , nothing even remotely as decadent and kinky as this . During these few days he had fucked more women and tried more kinks than during his whole life up till now ! He was pulled out of his reveries by clapping hands that applauded him . He turned towards the platform , where Liva , Lavinia and Venus were applauding him . " Of course , dear . I want you to take all the pleasure , you want , out of me . " She lay back on the platform , while Liva and Lavinia opened the top of her dress and hoisted up her skirts , revealing her pale , voluptuous body . Big white breasts with tiny pink nipples , a nicely rounded belly , and her soft , solid thighs opened wide to invite him in . Jonas slipped into her hot , wet pussy . God , she was so tight , yet comfortable and yielding , as he had never felt before . " Take it easy , Jonas . Just fuck me slowly and enjoy it as much as possible . " He lay down on her comfortable body . He felt as if he was drowning in a sea of the utmost femininity , willing to receive any horny thought or lewd act he might harbour . The slow , silky movements let him enjoy her wet , tingling cunt and its almost imperceptible fluttering . Finally he got there ; the orgasm ; the spurts ; the feeling as if his brain , his spine , his whole being , was pumped out through his swollen cock , into Venus ' willing body . His groans of joy sometimes sounded like sobs , and when the first violent spurts had died down , a deep , warm feeling of satisfaction and happiness flowed through him . He buried his head in her neck and clung to her soft body like a little boy . As the evening progressed Jonas regained his physical strength , but he felt as if the ' sex - centre ' of his mind had been overloaded . He fucked Liva and Lavinia , of course , and four days earlier it would have blown his mind the way the slaves serviced them . But now he felt , almost as if he was watching himself doing these wonderful things . The women didn 't really notice , and they were very happy with his performance . Around midnight the party was over . Two of the slaves helped Jonas in the shower and tucked him in , and for the second time in Italy Jonas spent the night alone . |
To some degree , there is an inevitability about life . At some point , it all has to come to an end . That 's just how it works . It 's the how and the when and the why that happen to shift . There are many people who have walked a similar path to the one I am on now . Even knowing that the path will be laid before you , even knowing it is coming , even being prepared . It 's still hard . Stress can do some terrible things to my body anyway , it always has . Back when I was planning my wedding , I had it show up in two forms . Full body hives that came and went for months and IBS . Ah , those were good times . My poor roommate used to laugh at me perched on the couch in odd grasshopper - like positions trying to scratch the itches that covered me then . All these bizarre physical reactions eventually disappeared of course . Once the stress had passed , I went back to my normal self . Whatever normal is . And now the most stress I 've ever dealt with surrounds me . I put myself back on my blood pressure medication last month when I knew I needed it . Regardless of what my doctor thinks is possible . The hives are back too , but now I can 't chance taking the medication that would help with the itching . It knocks me out for four hours at a time . We meet again , grasshopper . I feel like I am constantly walking on a tightrope . Like I am out there , miles above the ground , always a second from leaning a little too far to one side . I can feel the wind rising up from beneath me . I didn 't write this morning because I was busy helping the person I am here to help more than anyone . I hope that I am . Seems like everything I do right now comes with a price . A risk . There are so many facets of my life these days that involve give and take . Trial and error . Wait and see . So many things that require a constant balancing act . My legs are weary , my pole seems like it isn 't long enough to sustain this act . I have written here a few times about my general resistance to technology . Which is ironic , I know , given the fact that this is a blog after all . You 'd think that I of all people would be all about making things more instantly accessible , more transportable , more user friendly , all that . I was chatting with a friend , another bookworm like me , earlier this week . She texted me that I was going to be disappointed in her . She 'd broken down and bought a Nook reader for ebooks . I consoled her that she had a legitimate excuse . . . she is in school and many of her professors are requiring ebooks . She needed it . And it 's not like she bought it for fun . A few nights ago , Dad was resting in his chair . My brother and sister in law having left for the night . Mom told me she had something for me , something she wanted me to see . In the late 1940 's in Pittsburgh , a young man fresh from the service met a feisty girl at a dance hall . They fell in love almost immediately . In the short months that were their courtship , the days between that first meeting and the morning they became man and wife , there was this book . The cover is yellowed , some pages are torn . The binding of the book so clearly from an earlier time . The pages are delicate . I found a blade of grass between two of them yesterday , presumably from North Park in the 1940 's . It feels like history . I certainly didn 't think I would be here yet , at least I hoped not . I thought that things would be different . That I 'd be able to get my babies raised up a little bit more before I found myself helping in two different directions . So much for that . So , I 'm settling in here between my pieces of bread . Between my parents and my children . Trying to do what I can for them both , knowing I 'll never be able to do it all . You can 't have a BLT without the mayo , the lettuce and tomato , though . Profound gratitude to all my condiments . Without you , I 'd just be a piece of bacon slipping between a few pieces of toast . You see , being a doula isn 't about medical terminology . It isn 't about interventions or the avoidance of them . It isn 't about due dates and inductions . It isn 't about techniques and training . It isn 't even about babies and their mothers necessarily . I looked and looked and couldn 't find one . I didn 't want to go rifling through the cabinets too much , didn 't want to make any noise . But I needed coffee and I wasn 't going to wait until someone else got up . So I did what I had to do . Grabbed the used filter full of coffee grounds out of the trash . Dumped out the grounds . And washed it . Have you seen the new line of Allstate commercials ? The hilarious ones with a guy pretending to be an in car navigation system , barking instructions at drivers ? Genius marketing , I have to say . I laugh every time I see them , even now . Even where I am right now , even what is happening around me . Ironic humor , I suppose . My life has been a journey in recalculation . I sit here alone in the dark again , in the place where I was not all that long ago . I opened an email from one of my dearest friends , in it a gift . And I laughed and I cried . All at the same time . I love you guys . I needed that . I 've been told by more than a few people that someday I will look back and be amazed at my strength . That with time and distance , I will see it . So I 've been told . The thing with having a blog is that it inevitably leads to over sharing . You all know more about me than you probably should . Or maybe even want to . This platform is simultaneously open and protective . I can write whatever I am feeling , then put it out there for the world to see , but hide in my shell and not deal with the aftermath directly . Spout my opinions , but avoid the aftermath . So to speak . Or at least some of you may think so . How often do I really write what I want to , say what I mean , type the words that fully describe how I am feeling ? Not as often as you all would think . That 's for damn sure . As I 've written before , this isn 't a diary . This isn 't my private journal . I 've opened it up for the world to see , invited you in . By doing so , I have forced myself to often resort to censorship . It didn 't start out that way . I was wiping the counter and looked down . I saw a spot that needed wiped up and so I got to it . Then , while I was down there , I looked at my floor . It 's worn and it 's old . The lacquer completely worn off in areas . Dents and dings and scratches . It desperately needs stripped and refinished . I realized I hadn 't mopped since before we left . Guess I haven 't been thinking about doing things like mopping my floor lately . I sweep it just about every day , sure . But no mopping . It needs a good scrubbing . The hand and knees and bucket and washcloth kind of scrubbing . But I 'm far from being in the mood for that kind of nonsense right now . I can 't tell you how many people have asked me how I manage to keep it together lately . My answer is always the same . I don 't really know . I guess that in large part , it 's just a maternal autopilot sensor on me that hasn 't yet ceased working . Sure , there are times that I want to withdraw from everything , curl up in a ball and cry all day . But I can 't . My kids are keeping me here . My kids are making me go through the motions of all the pieces of my life that would have long been discarded without them . My kids make me fake it . Holding on to what I can feel fading away . It 's like trying to stop the rain from falling . I try and try , but I can feel the water slipping though my fingers . Doomed to failure . Attempting the impossible . Knowing it won 't work . Close doesn 't count , except in horseshoes and hand grenades . I 'm not sure who said that first , but I know that it 's one of the things my father repeated to me over and over again throughout my childhood . Trying is great , the effort worthwhile , but if you miss your mark even just by a little , sometimes you still lose . And today he is close . But close isn 't good enough . I am frustrated . Frustrated because I have too much background in medical research . I am too aware of margins of error and confidence intervals . I know about things like sensitivity and specificity . I know that tests aren 't always accurate . And I know that cutoffs are arbitrary . He 's close to needing a transfusion , but not close enough . The cutoff ? Below 10 . 0 . His current red blood cell count ? 10 . 0 . One tenth of a point and he 'd be eligible . I loathe the fact that we live in a country of reactive medicine . We wait until there is a big giant problem before we admit that there is one at all . God forbid we head anything off at the pass . Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere . Martin Luther King , Jr . This morning , the kids woke up like any other Monday morning . Rather than spend the day at school , they are home . A day off . Today we celebrate the work of Martin Luther King , Jr . I find it eye opening that children , at least my children , seem to fully be able to comprehend the importance of his work , especially given that so many adults can 't seem to understand it . Children have an innate sense of fairness and equality . They can see that the proper treatment of other human beings isn 't something that exists on a scale of acceptability . There is right and there is wrong . There isn 't a gray area in the middle , it 's one or the other . They haven 't become cynical and jaded . They hold no grudges . They have no fear of that which is different . Instead , they are intrigued and want to learn more . I wish that this was a topic I have perfected , but it isn 't . I was asked for advice about this one this week , and I 'm not certain that I am really fully qualified to give it . Only one kid was in my bed this week , and it 's been the 2 year old . Which , for us , is huge progress . From the time all our kids were newborns , they were put to sleep in their own beds awake as often as possible . They got used to laying there awake and were taught from birth to go to sleep without being rocked or nursed . Assuming your kids are no longer newborns , you can 't exactly go back in time and start over , so this piece of advice is only helpful to parents who aren 't done having kids yet . Also from the time our kids were newborns , we were wimps . Though they would start out the night in their beds , they would end up in ours by morning . It was just easier to have them sleep with us when they were little . Whenever Tom ( and yes , I said Tom . . . . he was always the parent on nighttime retrieval duty ) would go get them , they just got to sleep with us for the rest of the night . I don 't believe in letting a baby cry it out . I just don 't . A toddler , maybe . But not a baby . They need to know you are there for them when they cry . Aidan was my easy one . Once Ashley was born , we told him that he was more than welcome to come into our room at night if he felt like he needed to , but he had to sleep on the floor . Two nights of that , and he was content to stay in his bed . Ally was easy too . Up until about a year ago , she 'd still occasionally come into our room at night , but she likes to sleep way too much for a crowd . She never really needed much motivation to stay in her bed either . The other two . . . . well . . . . AJ still gets in our bed every night , but he is officially going to bed in his room now , which is a huge milestone . He got a new firetruck bed from Grandma and Papa , which helped . It has higher sides and he feels more confined in there without actually being confined . For his naps , I will sit in his room until he is asleep . At night , we peek in on him until he is asleep . He stays there until he wakes up in the middle of the night , then comes in . At this point , we are grateful he is sleeping at least part of the night in his own room and will savor that victory a while . At some point we will work on him staying in his room all night , but not right now . Ashley has been my challenge . Shocker , I know . She goes through phases . She will be fine in her room for a while , then all of a sudden need to sleep with us for weeks at a time . There is usually something that triggers her cycles , and it 's about being aware of them . She is an anxiety ridden child and cannot be reasoned with in the middle of the night at all . Once she is up , she is just sleeping with us . . . . or everyone in the house will be woken up . And I 'm not interested in that at all . For a long time , we 'd try to walk her back to her room , and she would just cry . This sometimes happened 3 or 4 times a night . Then we tried the sleep on the floor thing like we did with Aidan . Abysmal failure . She screamed . I don 't know about the rest of you , but I have no patience at 2am and cannot listen to screaming children in the middle of the night . What we have done with her , which is thus far working ( knock on wood ) is this . We bought her some LED lights that mount on her bed . She is afraid of the dark and can turn them on or off whenever she wants . Her bed doesn 't sit snug up against the wall , and she doesn 't like the feeling of the gap being there , so she crams it with books , stuffed animals and extra pillows . Finally , we resorted to bribery . I told her that if she stays in her own bed all night for a week , I will take her out for a special treat . Let 's just say she is highly motivated by that since it seems to be working . We can only try and talk to her about it during the day . Once it 's dark and she is scared , it 's not anything that can be reasoned with . Ultimately , I look at it this way . If you sleep fine with the kids in your bed , why fight it ? They are only little once , and it won 't last forever . There will come a day that you will miss snuggling with them , promise . If you truly can 't sleep with them there , then you have to be willing to try options to get them out of your room . Realize that anytime something happens in their lives , they may come wandering back into your room at night again . If they are afraid of something , that fear is legitimate and needs to be addressed . As parents , we can really only ever sleep as well as our children do . I don 't claim to be an expert in this department , but I know what has worked for us . In summary : This is a post I 've been thinking about writing about for a while now . It 's a tough one for me , and it 's something that I am sure will resonate with at least a few of my readers . I 've been asked to write about this subject by more than one of them . This is about how the loss of a baby alters every future pregnancy . How you never get to go back to the person you were before . How it stays with you forever . I write to communicate my personal experience with it , and how it irreversibly altered the way I would experience all future pregnancies . I write to let other women know that they aren 't alone . I write to explain our hesitations , our fears . Before I had all my babies , there was another . I had a miscarriage . I was just a few days shy of 12 weeks when the doctor informed me that my baby had died . In those 12 weeks , I made plans . In my head , I designed a nursery and planned birthday parties . I imagined what she would look like , who she would grow up to be . I saw her entire future laid out before me . I knew what she would smell like , how soft her skin would be . I dreamt about all the adventures we would have . I knew how much I already loved her . I became a mother in my heart the second I found out I was pregnant . I was bonded with that baby immediately , our lives forever intertwined . She was a part of me , and I of her . I never saw her face . I never got to hold her . I never knew who she would be . I mourned the loss of that baby for a long time . I still do . Today is the anniversary . 11 years ago I was sitting in a dark exam room crying , wondering why . A miscarriage doesn 't just ruin one pregnancy . To some degree , it ruins them all . Having a loss , however it happens , changes things . I know that for me , when I was pregnant the first time , I was aware of the chance of miscarriage , but it was peripheral at best . Yes , it was there , I knew it could happen , but I never imagined that it would happen to me . I was happy to be pregnant . I was joyful . I was optimistic . I looked forward to the future . I was excited to start wearing some maternity clothes . I started picking up baby things at the store . Everyone knew I was pregnant . I couldn 't wait to share my news . My husband was happy , thrilled even . In our case , we 'd had a very short window of opportunity to try . And , by some miracle , it worked . Knowing that it could be our only chance to conceive a child without help made it even more a miracle . Then , one day , I found myself sitting in a dark exam room staring at a screen that wasn 't flickering . It took a while , a long while , for me to get pregnant again . We knew it might never happen without assistance because of the radiation treatments . It wasn 't until a few weeks after being told we couldn 't have children that I got pregnant . So much for scientific accuracy . It was different this time . I was different . Sure , I was happy , but it was a guarded joy . I spent half the day being excited , the other half convinced something was wrong . I didn 't want to get attached , just in case . I tried to disassociate myself from the pregnancy . I didn 't tell people . When I finally did , I asked that they not share the news yet . The excitement was gone . I didn 't want to have to untell anyone ever again . I cried and cried and cried the day of my first ultrasound . Before the appointment in nervous anticipation , and after in relief . Every month was a roller coaster . I 'd be okay for a couple weeks after a check - up , then the panic would slowly start to creep in . I 'd count days until the next appointment , the next chance to hear that heartbeat again . The times it took more than a second to get the heartbeat to register on the Doppler were agonizing . In my mind , I just knew there was a problem . It wasn 't that the baby was active and hard to locate , there was something wrong . I 'd worry if I didn 't feel sick . Once I could feel the baby move , I obsessed about it . If more than a few minutes went by with nothing , I 'd poke and prod myself trying to get a response . I 'd wake up afraid more nights than not . I wish I could say that it got better as I got further into the pregnancy , but it never did . And it didn 't ever go away . Each pregnancy , filled with the same fears . Even with AJ , I was still nervous . The naive joy I felt the first time around never came back . That innocent happiness , gone . I could never just enjoy being pregnant . I knew better . The sad truth is that a miscarriage isn 't something that just happens . It changes you . You never really get over a loss . You move on , but it stays with you forever . People who haven 't experienced it don 't really understand , even if they try to . 11 years ago today , my experience with pregnancy was forever skewed . I lost a baby but gained an angel . I became acutely aware of how precious life is by learning also how fragile it is . I 've never been the same since . Most people who know me well know that I am not a touchy feely person . I 'm not mushy and gushy . I am not a hugger . There are few things I am less comfortable with than talking about my feelings . I keep them to myself whenever possible . I have lived most of my life being just fine that way . Far more likely to show people my love with teasing and sarcasm , I was . Fortunately , most of the people I know were okay with that . I never had anyone force me to open up more than I was comfortable with . Which was perfectly okay with me . Until recently . I met a few people who crossed boundaries all the time . Who hugged me , like , on purpose . All the time . They hugged to share joy , to comfort , to celebrate , to support . Huggers . Hug . Hug . Hug . A few of them were the type to say those three little words . I love you . And they said it . To me , even . Comfortable with loving people . Something I wasn 't very good at . Between this handful of people coming into my life and the events of the last few years , I have softened a bit . I 've learned that it is okay to hug people . I 've learned that comfort comes often in the form of touch . And that sometimes you really need to hear the words that someone loves you , and say it to someone else . Over the years , I became a hugger , even if it was a bit reluctantly . I have actually found myself hugging people I 'd never have imagined hugging a few years ago . People I know only casually , the friend of the friend and so on . I hug them all now . I tell them because I love them . I have always loved them . I just didn 't use the words all the much before , and I have learned to see the value in them every time they are spoken . She has her own trademarked smile for when she is silently telling someone off . She could out - eat anyone in the dorms . Guys included . She used potatoes in a way that famous artists have worked in other mediums . It was a sight to behold . She and I shared a living space for most of college . She is still one of the only people I know that would brave some of the menu items at Chano 's . Tongue burritos ? Really ? I got up early this morning , even bypassed the coffee . I grabbed my boots and gloves and headed out to the garage . Put on my boots and grabbed a shovel . I knew there was about 5 inches of snow on the driveway , plus whatever was still there because my dear husband neglected to shovel 2 / 3 of it last week . Right on top of all that freshly fallen snow , a set of tire tracks . All the way up the driveway to the garage door . Someone felt compelled to pull all the way up my driveway on top of the snow . Now , for those of you spoiled by warm weather climates , this won 't mean anything to you . You won 't understand why I was cursing the mystery driver . Shoveling a driveway the size of mine is hard enough as it is , but when someone drives over the top of the snow and compacts said snow into ice , it 's a much more challenging chore . I was out there almost an hour . Then my dear husband , you know . . . the one who only shoveled part of the driveway last week , came out . And offered to help . Um , I 'm pretty much done . I 'm good . It 's okay though . I am strange . I love to shovel snow . It 's quiet and peaceful . It 's a great workout . And it 's a fabulous way to take out my frustrations in a productive way . After the accident I was shaken to say the least . I have this eerie calm about me under pressure . I didn 't freak out , I didn 't lose it . I didn 't cry , I didn 't panic , even if I may have wanted to . Plus , my husband was trying really hard to make sure I didn 't lose it . I love that guy . Sitting in the middle of the interstate in the freezing night wasn 't what I had planned to be doing just then . After we got dropped off by the tow truck I had to get the kids out of the car and head to the hotel to wait . I had to grab what I could . My husband did most of the heavy lifting , he always does . He made the trips back and forth . He carried everything across the snow filled parking lot . Before I left the van , not sure that I 'd ever be seeing it again , I took the things I knew couldn 't be replaced . I took a small rock , with the word hope on it . Tom got it in a gift bag for his participation in the survivor 's lap in the Relay for Life last year . He isn 't a sentimental guy , and he asked me if I wanted it . He already knew . He didn 't need to ask . I 've carried that rock with me ever since . It sits in the driver 's side door , where I can see it as many times a day as I need to . Anytime I need to feel closer to my dad , it 's there . I took my babies . All of them . The four living breathing ones , and the beaded ones that hang on a necklace around my rear view mirror . It 's funny , because my daughter was worried about my babies . She wanted to make sure that I had them , that they didn 't get left in the car . I suppose I should explain . A few of you already know what my babies are . Each bead represents one of the babies I have helped into this world through my work as a doula . I was given the heart and the cording by my doula trainer all those years ago . She told me that the most important tool a doula could ever have was her heart . Her heart would bring her babies . And mine has . Every single one of them , and their parents , has taught me something . Each of them , a miracle . Each of them , forever a part of me . Each of them has a matching bead . I probably should have a lot more babies on that necklace than I do . Being a doula isn 't just about the physical support , and I have helped many more families in other ways . I can 't tell you how many of my closest friends have called me with questions from thousands of miles away . I 've answered their questions as best I could , cried with them when they were scared , wished them luck , reassured them . I hope that I helped them too , even if it wasn 't in person . The kids often quiz me about the beads , to see if I can still remember them all . Which one belongs to who , how old they are now . And I do . I hope that for however long I am able to work as a doula that I will remember . When we got the car back yesterday , the first thing I did , before I did anything else was put my babies back in the car . First the living , breathing ones , then the beaded ones . Then I put my flower back . Finally , I held my rock , closed my eyes and said a silent prayer . Then I put it right back where it belongs . The last few weeks have been a whirlwind . A true journey in chaos if ever there was such a thing . All of it , every single piece of it , it all happened for a reason . I 've been told recently that I am a human dichotomy . I want to be here when I am there , I want to be there when I am here . I don 't know that it will ever change . Leaving was hard . It always is . But this time was the worst . I did my best to remind myself of the blessing we were given with the extra time there , did my best not to cry when the kids would see , did my best to smile . Flagstaff was somewhat kinder to us on the return trip . There were no head wounds , no major accidents . We spent more time there than we would have liked to though . And that was even before we spent over an hour at Best Buy . The worst Best Buy ever , incidentally . Not a single one of their displays was working right , none of the video games were functioning . How the hell did they expect me to occupy four five children for the entire morning while we were waiting for the van ? The van that was supposed to be ready the afternoon prior , but still wasn 't after we 'd stayed overnight and already checked out of our hotel . We finally headed back to the body shop and parked out front , all new and shiny , was the van . I giggled a little at the bumper . You see , when the van was brand spanking new , I hit a truck in a parking lot . Relax , I didn 't hurt the truck . . . I must have checked about a million times . It 's wheels were cranked all the way over and I underestimated how far out the front bumper stuck out ( and you can 't see it from the driver 's seat ) and hit the tire . Literally bounced off the tire , but the new bumper was caved in . We popped it out and touched up the paint , but it wasn 't perfect anymore . Six years later it 's fixed , even if it was the hard way . Tom threw all the stuff that was in the truck into the van . When I say threw , I mean it quite literally . There was no rhyme or reason . He just tossed it in there and closed the doors . By then , a few hours past the point at which I reminded him we weren 't in control , we waved goodbye to Flagstaff . Some point near the Arizona / New Mexico border , we noticed the window washer fluid jet wasn 't working . It 's attached to the hood . The new one . Awesome . By the time we hit Santa Fe , we were hungry . And tired . It was later than it was supposed to be , and we still had over 6 hours left to drive . We decided to stay . Got a room , then headed to eat . We went to Olive Garden , which is apparently a very popular place to eat at 7pm on a Friday night . Who 'd have thought ? As we got out of the restaurant , we noticed the hood of the van . Cockeyed and crooked , not laying flat . At first I thought maybe it just hadn 't been shut completely . Nope . It 's messed up . Double awesome . The drive back today was fairly uneventful , which was a welcome relief . We did have an emergency stop in a Walgreen 's parking lot so the little one could get out and walk around . I laughed at Tom , asked him if AJ was a dog that he was taking out to potty . Essentially , yes . I can 't say I blame the kid . I wouldn 't want to try to poop strapped in a car seat either . I managed not to cry when I pulled into the driveway . Mostly because I was looking at my husband and questioning him . Really ? ? ? ? ? He had shoveled 1 / 3 of the driveway and flew back to California hoping that it would warm up enough to melt the snow on the rest of the driveway . In Colorado . In January . The kids got to open the rest of their Christmas presents finally , and my house looks like a wrapping paper bomb exploded on it . Most of the luggage is still in the car , and there it will stay until morning . I looked outside to watch the sky fill with clouds in my backyard , only to see remnants of some kind of bird scattered all over the yard . The dog 's way of saying this : Welcome home . I missed you . Here 's some feathers . I 've got a beer , football is on TV , and the kids are playing with new toys . I get to sleep in my own bed tonight . I 'm home . One of the morning programs is running a competition for an advice guru to be on the show . I was intrigued . The finalists did brief videos telling everyone what their general philosophy is , then answering the same set of hypothetical questions that someone might ask for advice about . One of the questions involved finding time , finding who you are , finding what you want in life . Made me laugh a little . I guess it made me laugh because I 've been around the block a few times now . I 've known what I wanted , at least what I thought I wanted . I 've known who I wanted to be , what I wanted to do . I 've known all those things a few times . Then life showed up and told me that I really didn 't know anything . Maybe I just have had more run ins with fate . Or chance . Catastrophe or tragedy . Whatever you want to call it . I look at where I am in my life right now , and I have to laugh at the idea than anyone holds on to that they are actually fully in control . So many things in this world that people ask my advice on , and my answer is often the same one , a simple one . Whether it 's parenthood or career choices or life in general , a lot of it boils down to surrendering . Hang on , you 're just along for the ride . Our successes in life aren 't so much measured by the things we experience , but by how we handle them and how we emerge . By our resilience . Hi . It 's been a while . I haven 't written one of these in a long time , mostly because I have just been busy . I 've also been try . . . It 's the 7th year of this challenge ! ! ! Let 's do this , people . Here are the prompts for this year , in the image below . Each day o . . . Hair , hair everywhere . What 's a man to do ? For as long as there have been humans , there has been an abundance of hair . On heads , on ch . . . I wasn 't . I wasn 't going to write about Mother 's Day this year , and yet here we are . The times that I want to believe that I h . . . I warned a friend months ago that I felt like 2017 would be the year I start biting people . Months ago . I haven 't actually bitten an . . . |
Recap : Sixteen - year - old Melanie Craig and her family live in the small Colorado mountain town of Blue River . Since the end of World War Three , the economy in the United States has dropped out making funding law enforcement impossible and increasing crime rates in all , but the smallest towns . The government passes a Law allowing anyone over 16 to kill three other people during their life . Vigilante justice doesn 't seem like the right solution to Melanie , but she has no choice other than to learn how to protect herself and her family . The sun was setting as they pulled up to the fifteen - foot barbed wire fence surrounding the safe zone . A ten - foot cinder block wall was fifteen feet inside the fence line . Military men wearing green camouflage and carrying light machine guns or LMGs patrolled in and outside the fence line . Cinderblock towers sat along the wall every fifty feet with gatling guns peering over the edge of each huge spotlights making the area look like noon . The mile surrounding the fence was scorched leaving blackened patches of what Melanie could only assume had been brush of some type . The trees had been felled and their stumps dotted the clearing . Melanie 's stomach clenched at the sight of piles of ash surrounding the burn skeletons of homes . Their small caravan was crawling along the road . One of the soldiers held up his hand and six of them held their guns at the ready while two approached by a few feet . " I need you to all exit the vehicles , " the one nearest the truck called out . " We 'll need to scan your safe chips and research your back ground . It takes 24 hours . You can stay in the city and return tomorrow at this time . " The soldier who had been speaking to them had sandy blonde hair . His high cheekbones and narrow nose were stern and no nonsense . His grey eyes locked with Melanie 's as he patted her down and then moved on to Mitchel . Melanie assumed the others were experiencing the same thing behind her . " On the outskirts of the city . There 's a Little America , which has guards . It 's a little expensive , but when you 're talking lives , it 's reasonable , " Sargent McCall said . He scanned each of their wrists . The scanner beeped each time he found their SAFE chip . She watched intently as he scanned Seth . There was no way he would pass . How could he ? He had killed so many on their way here . Please don 't beep . Please don 't pass the background check . They found the hotel without much difficulty . Men clad in black holding the usual AK - 47s patrolled the building . They stopped them and asked their purpose . Melanie explained they just needed rooms for the night because they were waiting to get into the safe zone . Mitchel ran inside to get rooms for them . Melanie couldn 't stop moving her eyes over the dark streets despite the guards . Guards hadn 't saved Holly . Mitchel scanned the card to his and Melanie 's room and propped the door open with his foot . Melanie hobbled into the room . Mitchel set their stuff down and then checked everywhere to make sure the room was empty . Melanie turned on the small lamp and sat on the edge of the bed . Mitchel came over to her and took off her shoes and socks . She un buttoned her pants and he pulled those off too . She took ahold of the top of his pants and pulled him toward her as he pulled his shirt over his head . Screaming down the hall ripped them out of their sleep . They both bolted out the door guns in their hands . Melanie saw her mom peeking out her door . A house cleaner stood screaming with her hands over her face . The door before her swung opened . Mitchel stopped with his back to the wall right before the doorway . Melanie and Seth caught up to him . Mitchel threw a quick glance around the doorframe . Melanie sank to the floor . Her ankle shooting pain up her leg and her legs failing her . Mitchel picked her up and left the room . He set her on her feet when they reached their room and he had shut the door . " Everywhere we go , disemboweled bodies follow , " Mitchel said . He took Melanie in his arms and rested his chin on her head . She wondered if he had figured it out and could accept that his twin was a killer . What he would do about it ? Recap : Sixteen - year - old Melanie Craig and her family live in the small Colorado mountain town of Blue River . Since the end of World War Three , the economy in the United States has dropped out making funding law enforcement impossible and increasing crime rates in all , but the smallest towns . The government passes a Law allowing anyone over 16 to kill three other people during their life . Vigilante justice doesn 't seem like the right solution to Melanie , but she has no choice other than to learn how to protect herself and her family . Melanie caught Mitchel looking at her and smiling as they drove down the empty highway toward Oregon . Northern Idaho was vastly different from the desert south , which she was glad for . She missed the mountain valley she had spent most of her life in the pine and earth scents in the air , the gentle crashing of the rivers , and the sentinel pines and aspens . She closed her eyes and was there once again hand in hand with Mitchel as they hiked their favorite trail up to a bald rocky peak . They 'd look down on the valley trying to find the small buildings scattered among the trees . He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she snuggled into him . She didn 't usually sit in the " girlfriend " seat , preferring to rest her arm out the window to feel the rush of wind through her fingers . But ever since she had told Mitchel about the baby , he kept her closer . The baby was untimely , but it would be cherished and loved by both of them nonetheless . They had talked about children , of course , as they had made their future plans with one another during the last year . Mitchel was going to wait for her to finish her senior year of high school and they would both go to the University of Denver . She was going to study veterinary medicine and he was going to study English and writing , so he could teach and write novels . At first she had laughed because his broad muscular shoulders and rough hands just didn 't seem to fit with such things , but it 's what he wanted so she supported him . She squeezed her teeth and eyes shut . That was all gone . Now they lived in a world of suspicion and death . And now they were going to raise a child in among that instead of the rivers and forest . She pulled a long breath in through her nose filling her lungs . The air here was filled with wet leaves and earth . " I don 't know . " He kissed her on her head . " What about waiting until we reach the safe zone ? Then she wouldn 't be as concerned about having a doctor around or you being safe . I think I worry about that enough for everyone . " The thought of Seth twisted her stomach into a tangled slinky . Would he cradle the baby in his arms and read children 's stories as he did with Sam ? Would she allow him to do it ? She took another deep breath . Her stomach growled audibly . " I guess so . " She sat up and turned to look out the back window at her mother 's van following . Although she couldn 't see Seth 's car behind the van , she knew it was there . Everyday she wished he would pull off on a side road and disappear from their lives , but each time they pulled off the road , he was there . Melanie turned back around with the grinding and pinging of the tires on a dirt road . She pulled her hair up into a ponytail and twisted the hair tie from her wrist around it . Once the truck stopped and the dust from Seth cleared , she slid to the ground . The edge of her right foot landed on a rock and rolled outward . Her hands went out to stop her crashing into the ground . " Ouch , god damn it . " Melanie looked up at Seth . " Thanks . " Seth just grinned . She tried to back away from him , but her ankle wouldn 't hold her weight and she began to crumble to the ground . This time , it was Mitchel who caught her . Melanie looked over her shoulder at him . He was still smiling . Does he know that I know , she wondered . She turned away as Mitchel bent and scooped her up into his arms . He turned walking to the grey picnic table . " I 'm fine , mom . Can you bring me some ice and an ace wrap or something ? " Melanie said . Mitchel set her on the hard plastic table . Melanie snatched the flesh colored wrap from her mom and began wrapping the ice to her ankle . " The safe zone is only one day away . We can wait until we get there . I won 't be doing much walking anyway . " Mitchel and Jennifer glanced at each other . " She 's right , " Mitchel said . " We should be there before nightfall . It 's just twenty miles northeast of Portland . " Melanie 's mom pressed her lips together turning them a pale pink . " You 're right , but let 's get there as fast as we can . Maybe she can see a doctor tonight . " Melanie had rolled her ankle many times running . She wanted to tell her mom they couldn 't do anything but , ice and wrap it . She decided not to aggravate the situation . Recap : Sixteen - year - old Melanie Craig and her family live in the small Colorado mountain town of Blue River . Since the end of World War Three , the economy in the United States has dropped out making funding law enforcement impossible and increasing crime rates in all , but the smallest towns . The government passes a Law allowing anyone over 16 to kill three other people during their life . Vigilante justice doesn 't seem like the right solution to Melanie , but she has no choice other than to learn how to protect herself and her family . She snuck back into the cabin before anyone awoke . She wouldn 't sleep , but she wanted to be there so no one would ask where she had been . She laid on the bottom bunk next to Mitchel . She watched him sleep , the slow rise and fall of his chest . He scrunched up his face and shook his head , dreaming . She laid her hand on his chest and he rolled to his side encircled her waist with his arm and pulled her into him . Oh god , what had she done . She didn 't want it to be him . It couldn 't be him . She loved him too much for it to be him . She took a deep breath and willed the tears not to fall . She knew him . They had been together for so long . He wouldn 't do it . She squeezed her eyes closed tight . The memory of Holly and her parents sprung into her head . Her eyes flew open as she gasped . She nodded not trusting her voice . He kissed her again just below her ear . It wasn 't him . No one who could be so kind and loving could do that to Holly or anyone else . It wasn 't him . Melanie 's eyes fluttered open . She had managed to get an hour of sleep riddled with ghastly scenes from the last six months of her life . How could the legislature have thought the Justice Law was the right and best choice ? " I can help you in here , " Melanie said not wanting to watch Ryan watch Mitchel and Seth attempting to decide which one was the butcher . He didn 't have another suspect . He had told her that much last night around the fire while she threw little twigs into the flames . " I 'll right I 'm up , and I 'll go help Zachariah with the van , " Mitchel said untangling his legs from the blanket . He pushed up on the top bunk causing it to rise then he dropped it . " Seth , what are you going to do to help get ready to go ? " Melanie stiffened . Mitchel cast her a questioning glance with a raised eyebrow . She yawned and rubbed her eyes trying to hide her response , but she knew he wasn 't fooled . He rubbed her back , and she bowed it out enjoying every stroke of his hand . She closed her eyes and tilted her head to the side . It can 't be him . His hand moved to massaging her tense muscles at her neck and shoulders . When they all emerge from the cabin , Ryan was talking with Zachariah just outside the garage . Was he going to have his dad help him watch them ? Melanie wondered . It made sense since he couldn 't be in two places at the same time . Seth 's jaw muscles bunched , and he shrugged his shoulders running his hand through his hair . " Not in the least . I 'd be great to have some company . " Ryan nodded and went into the house . Melanie followed him in so she could use the bathroom . She quickened her pace once she was inside and touched him on the shoulder . She pressed her lips together between her teeth and nodded . " I 'll make you some sandwiches . " After using the bathroom , she went into the kitchen . She packed each of them a peanut butter sandwich , an apple , and some pretzels . With all her being , she wanted it to be Seth . Did that make her a horrible person ? No , she decided because it was one of them and it couldn 't be Mitchel . She would die if it was Mitchel . Has she become a killer too , conspiring with Ryan to have Seth or Mitchel shot down ? Maybe she has finally found who could be one of her three . She shoved their lunch into a small cooler along with some water bottles . All that mattered was getting mom and Sammy to safety . If she had to kill one of them herself , she would . She ran her hand through her hair and walked out the front door the screen banging against the frame behind her . Recap : Sixteen - year - old Melanie Craig and her family live in the small Colorado mountain town of Blue River . Since the end of World War Three , the economy in the United States has dropped out making funding law enforcement impossible and increasing crime rates in all , but the smallest towns . The government passes a Law allowing anyone over 16 to kill three other people during their life . Vigilante justice doesn 't seem like the right solution to Melanie , but she has no choice other than to learn how to protect herself and her family . Ryan Thunderhawk crouched next to the fire building a teepee of kindling in the hot coals remaining after they had roasted marshmallows . Marshmallow bubbled on the rocks . She didn 't like her thoughts . She didn 't want to say the words , but she knew she had to protect her family . It was what her father would have wanted her to do . It was what he would have done . It felt like she had been hit with a sledgehammer . She fought the urge to vomit . She couldn 't believe she was going to say it , but Mitchel 's rage had shown her it was a possibility . " The first one was in Blue River . Mitchel and Seth 's father , Evan , was found butchered in the churchyard after Evan had killed their mother in a rage . I thought it was Father Chris who had done it . I even confronted him . Evan was a sinner . He was a dangerous man and everyone in Blue River knew it . " Melanie struggled against the desire to change subjects . Had he meant to give her the opportunity to back out of this disclosure ? He had spent the last few weeks with them , maybe he had a suspect and knew it wasn 't them . She wanted to believe it so much , but here chest squeezed her heart . She had been fighting this war within her mind since they left Denver and were stopped by Homeland Security as soon as they arrived in Utah . No , she was too far into this . She needed to finish what she started . Her mom 's and Sam 's lives could depend on it . She closed her eyes and took a deep breath , steeling her resolve . " More bodies showed up in Denver . Including my best friend , Holly , and her parents . " She had to stop and swallow the tears as the memories of that day crashed down upon her . Didn 't therapists always say it was good to talk about loss , to get it out and not carry the burden alone ? What crap . " They were butchered in the same fashion . They were all within a few miles of where we were staying . I didn 't know where either Seth or Mitchel were during the time those people were killed . But Holly … " " They were staying in their fifth - wheel trailer in the driveway of the house we were staying in with my mom 's friends . There were three security guards patrolling the yard . They didn 't hear or see a thing . I hadn 't seen Holly since returning from the hospital , so I knocked on the door . There was no answer . Blood dripped down the walls . We were all questioned for a long time . My mom , her friends , and Sam were released first . But Mitchel , Seth , and I were there for much longer . " He laid his hand over hers . She hadn 't even noticed that he had come over to her . She looked at their hands . Her 's was much smaller than his , like her 's and Michel 's . " And then when we reached Utah , we were stopped by Homeland Security . As if they had been following are movements the whole time . They denied that , but it was too much just to be a coincidence . " " Mitchel and Seth grew up in a violent home . Their father was an alcoholic . He beat their mother . He killed their older sister . And he abused them . " Her last words came out as if she were pleading for it not to be true . There it was , laid out before him , all that she knew . It sat between them , a dark churning mass of destruction . She threw up then . Ryan pulled her hair up away from her face and laid his hand on her back . Recap : Sixteen - year - old Melanie Craig and her family live in the small Colorado mountain town of Blue River . Since the end of World War Three , the economy in the United States has dropped out making funding law enforcement impossible and increasing crime rates in all , but the smallest towns . The government passes a Law allowing anyone over 16 to kill three other people during their life . Vigilante justice doesn 't seem like the right solution to Melanie , but she has no choice other than to learn how to protect herself and her family . She realized then how little she knew of Mitchel 's childhood . Seth talked about it more than Mitchel did . Mitchel usually walked away whenever Seth brought something up or asked Mitchel directly about it . He wanted to forget , she knew . It was why he didn 't miss Blue River . When he left Blue River , he hadn 't looked back . He was glad to never see it again . For him , it held only death , hatred , and horror . Melanie had taken an advanced placement psychology class and she knew that being raised in a home like Seth and Mitchel had been raised did things to a child 's developing brain . It laid the foundation for them to become horrible people , but that 's not what they were . Both of them were caring and dedicated to their family . The door to the cabin banged open behind Melanie . Sam darted out into the sun with Daisy on her tail . " Come on Beauty let 's run ! " Seth laughed , not as if his twin 's words were amusing but ironic . Seth smiled . " Yeah , spending time with little Sammy adds a little brightness to the shadows that hang over my thoughts . You should give it a try if you 're not going to add in other physical activities to take the stress off . " Another smile , wider this time . Seth turned back to them when he was nearing his car . " You guys are boring . I 'm going into town today . Do you need anything ? Like a box of condoms ? Oh wait - " Zachariah had reached them . He didn 't hesitate before jumping in the thick of it . He caught an elbow to the stomach , but was able to pull the two apart . He held each of them by the forearm . They were covered in dirt sticky with sweat . Blood ran from Seth 's nose and into his grinning mouth . He wiped it with the back of his hand , which smeared it across his lip and cheek . Mitchel hung his head , ashamed it had gotten so out of control . Blood ran from his lip . He spit the blood from his mouth . Seth nodded , and his eyes narrowed and the mirth drained from his features as he watched Mitchel scoop up a branch and beat the hell out of a tree as he passed . " I 'm a mountain lion not a deer . I 'm not afraid of the wolf . " Melanie took off at a run toward Mitchel . She glanced back once . Seth was climbing into his car and Daisy was bounding after her . In a few more steps , she heard the car come to life and spit gravel as he accelerated down the road . Recap : Sixteen - year - old Melanie Craig and her family live in the small Colorado mountain town of Blue River . Since the end of World War Three , the economy in the United States has dropped out making funding law enforcement impossible and increasing crime rates in all , but the smallest towns . The government passes a Law allowing anyone over 16 to kill three other people during their life . Vigilante justice doesn 't seem like the right solution to Melanie , but she has no choice other than to learn how to protect herself and her family . Melanie 's stomach twisted . Ryan 's response was hesitant , delayed , too much so . She looked at Mitchel who was swirling his last bit of pancake around in the syrup . After everything that Mitchel has been through in his life you would think that he would be more suspicious of people . Maybe he was , but he hid it better . Melanie ran her hand through her hair . Who cares if Ryan is killing people ? It 's not like he would be killing innocent people , right ? That has to be right . She sipped her coffee and felt him looking at her . She looked up and met Detective Ryan Thunderhawk 's eyes . She found sadness and longing in them before he turned away from her and out the window . The teakettle began to whistle . Ryan lifted it off the burner and poured the steaming water into the French press . Zachariah shuffled into the room rubbing the sleep from his face . Ryan poured him a cup of coffee . Melanie took the same path as Ryan had out of the house . She walked toward the cabin enjoying the cool early morning air and the song of the birds in the trees . She paused for a second , closed her eyes , and just listened to them . A smile spread over her face . She took a deep breath and opened her eyes . Sam stroked Daisy 's head . " We should have named Daisy Beauty . " She sighed . Daisy laid her head on the pillow next to Sam 's and wagged her nubby tail . Melanie had never seen Seth interact with Sammy , but it was obvious they had been reading together for awhile . When had he found the time to read with her ? He was always gone " hunting . " " A couple of times . " Mitchel smiled at her . " I think Sam reminds him that we had a sister once . She died when she was Sam 's age . Seth and I were only two . " Mitchel looked away from her . His eyes stared off at the aspen trees . " She fell down the stairs and never woke up . My father was the only one home at the time . " " I 'm sorry Mitchel . " He took them both from him , she realized . His father had killed both his mother and his sister . She laid her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him . He rested his chin on her head and held her tight . Recap : Sixteen - year - old Melanie Craig and her family live in the small Colorado mountain town of Blue River . Since the end of World War Three , the economy in the United States has dropped out making funding law enforcement impossible and increasing crime rates in all , but the smallest towns . The government passes a Law allowing anyone over 16 to kill three other people during their life . Vigilante justice doesn 't seem like the right solution to Melanie , but she has no choice other than to learn how to protect herself and her family . Melanie and Mitchel sat at the white pine breakfast table across from Detective Ryan Thunderhawk . Melanie watched him move his eggs around on his plate , dipping his toast into the yoke and setting it back on his plate . He pushed it away and took a deep breath . Dark circles hung below his blood shot eyes . He hadn 't slept last night she realized . She wondered if nightmares kept him awake at night too . " Do you want more coffee , Ryan ? " She asked reaching for his cup . She hesitated when he didn 't answer . She cast a sidelong look at Mitchel , who frowned and shrugged his shoulders . " Yes please . " He reached for his cup . Melanie wiggled it and smiled at him . She scooped up her breakfast plate as well . She stepped around her chair and moved to the counter . After rinsing her plate , she poured the nearly black coffee . " How does that work , the system check , I mean ? " Melanie asked . Death was everywhere . She felt like it was more common now than it had been when she was younger , but that probably wasn 't true . It was just more visible , more in your face . Ryan poured in some cream stirred his coffee and then added sugar . " Well , my understanding of it , is that when a both the heart and neurological activity stop the SAFE chip sends out a communication signal . It logs the identification of any chip within such and such a range of the body . It also logs the location , date , and time of death . The chip 's final communication signal goes to the local police department . The police then find these people who were identified by the deceased 's SAFE chip and investigate . " " It 's not usually too bad . If there is only one other person present , it is typically a Justice Kill . Then we just verify that they don 't have more than three . If they do , we take them in and charge them with murder and then sort out the details . " " It 's not as complicated as it sounds . The date , time , and location tell us if it was in a hospital or something like that . We can usually skip those . " Melanie thought back to Dr . Binkard in Denver . No wonder she would never be caught . The police just pass those deaths over since it happens in a hospital . Ryan stared at his coffee . He swirled the last drops in the bottom and stood to refill his cup , but the French press was empty . He popped the silver cap on the teakettle and filled it with water from the tap . Recap : Sixteen - year - old Melanie Craig and her family live in the small Colorado mountain town of Blue River . Since the end of World War Three , the economy in the United States has dropped out making funding law enforcement impossible and increasing crime rates in all , but the smallest towns . The government passes a Law allowing anyone over 16 to kill three other people during their life . Vigilante justice doesn 't seem like the right solution to Melanie , but she has no choice other than to learn how to protect herself and her family . The next morning brought more heat . Growing up in the mountain valley of Blue River hadn 't prepared them for working in the heat . The only person it didn 't seem to effect was Sam . Somehow , Melanie had ended up with the shovel and Mitchel had snuck off to help in the garage . Jennifer stood up from sitting in the dirt throwing weeds out of the garden and into a pile . She brushed her hands off onto her pants . Melanie dropped the shovel . " I need to get out of this heat for a few minutes , mom . " She could feel the sweat running down her back and her legs . It was Jennifer 's turn to roll her eyes . " It 's pretty obvious Mel . You can 't look at him without disgust or hatred in your eyes . You want to talk about it ? " " No . " Melanie stood up and went back outside . That 's probably why Mitchel has been acting a little off center . Melanie took a deep breath . No more , I 've got to let it go . Seth is Mitchel 's brother . If we are going to stay together , I need to let my suspicions go . I can 't deal with a wedge between Mitchel and me . Melanie continued to dig . It felt good actually . It was progress right before her eyes . She could see the results of her hard work . It was empowering in a sense , that she could make a difference , even if it was only turning dirt and eradicating invasive weeds . When the sun began to dip below the horizon , Melanie stood at the sink washing the dirt from beneath her nails . Mitchel 's hands moved around her waist and he kissed her neck . She smiled . She missed being close to him as much as they had been , before her mom was always hovering . After telling her mom where she and Mitchel were going , Melanie rounded the corner of the house and found Mitchel and Seth speaking in hushed angry voices . Mitchel was gesturing with his hands . His back was to her . Seth saw her first and stopped talking . He nodded to Melanie and walked away toward the back of the house . Melanie hadn 't run for a long time . The wind pulled at her hair and her body fell into its rhythm . Yes , it seemed to say , we remember this . She pushed harder pulling away from Mitchel . Not wanting to slip on a rock , she slowed down when she reached the river there was a rock bridge and only a few inches of water flowed over it . She risked a quick glance back before stepping into the water . He grinned at her like a wolf closing on its prey . Mitchel didn 't slow at all . He was always more reckless than she . It was one of the things she loved about him ; his willingness to take risks to get what he wanted . And that 's when he caught her , and they both fell into the pool created by the rock bridge . She let out a gasp as they hit the cold water . She got a mouth full of river water for her girlish sound as their heads plunged below the water . Mitchel pulled her to the surface with him . Her hair was plastered to her face and he began laughing , a full and deep laugh , that waved through his entire body . Melanie splashed water at him . He grabbed a hold of her and pulled her to him . She hadn 't realized how much she missed this or even that it had been gone from their relationship . Recap : Sixteen - year - old Melanie Craig and her family live in the small Colorado mountain town of Blue River . Since the end of World War Three , the economy in the United States has dropped out making funding law enforcement impossible and increasing crime rates in all , but the smallest towns . The government passes a Law allowing anyone over 16 to kill three other people during their life . Vigilante justice doesn 't seem like the right solution to Melanie , but she has no choice other than to learn how to protect herself and her family . Mitchel , Melanie , and Seth stood there looking at the doe that Mitchel had drug from behind the rock . Melanie lowered her gun , but she didn 't holster it . It hung at her side a reassuring weight cradled in her hand . Something inside her told her not to holster the gun just yet , maybe it was Daisy 's reaction to Seth . Why would Daisy growl at Seth with a dead deer so nearby ? She didn 't know . Something wasn 't right with this situation . Mitchel stepped in front of her putting his hands on her shoulders . His eyes met hers . " Let 's go see how the cabin is coming along . " She nodded and slipped the gun back into the holster . She turned to go with Mitchel behind her . Daisy didn 't follow right away . After Melanie and Mitchel had gone a few paces back through the brush , Melanie felt her nose her fingers . The cabin greeted them first . It was small and built from pine logs . Melanie could see Zachariah 's house further on through the trees . It was about three times the size of the cabin and also made from pine logs . Daisy sniffed around the door and squatted to pee . The near black eyes glanced up at Melanie . The cabin smelled of Pine - Sol and Jennifer had made up all the beds . There were two sets of bunk beds against either wall . Jennifer and Sam had moved a suitcase for each of them into the room and slid them beneath the bed . The curtains were tied to the side and the windows were open . A hot breeze stifling blew into the room . Daisy jumped up onto one of the lower bunks , circled twice , and laid down . She wagged her little nub of a tail and closed her eyes . Melanie turned to Mitchel and buried her face in his chest . He wrapped her in his arms . She squeezed silent tears from her eyes . She didn 't know who to trust anymore . Seth was Mitchel 's brother he wouldn 't hurt any of them . He wouldn 't have hurt Holly , would he ? She wasn 't sure . She was tired and hungry . She wanted to sleep until all this was over and wake up into her past in Blue River . Three months had gone by since the passing of the Justice Law . She and Holly should be starting their senior year of high school . Mitchel should be a freshman in college . It all seemed like a dream from so long ago . He kissed her head . " Everything is a mess and we 're all tired . " He pulled her even tighter to him . They melted into one another . That evening , they sat around Zachariah 's dining table . Seth served up the doe he had killed that afternoon and butchered himself . Zachariah had given them full access and use of his home . Melanie couldn 't understand how or why he would do this for total strangers . Even before the Justice Law passed such trust and hospitality was near gone from the world . Ever since the war , people had grown more and more suspicious of one another . And who could blame them things had gone downhill fast and as far as Melanie could tell they continued to plummet without the bottom in sight . Zachariah 's son , Ryan Thunderhawk , joined them for dinner . He sat across the table from Melanie and Mitchel . He was a Weber County police detective on the homicide unit . Melanie turned to face him . She looked him straight in the face . " You 've always been a good hunter Seth . No one 's every questioned that . " He scooped mashed potatoes onto his plate and started pouring gravy on everything . Melanie watched his hands move . The left one terribly scared by the same flames that had burned Mitchel 's right hand . One of their father 's gifts , the only thing he really left them after his brutal murder in Blue River . Filling the effects of eating too much , they all said good night and thank you to the Thunderhawks and walked the short distance to the cabin . The temperature outside had only dropped a few degrees . Sleeping would not come easy with the heat . As Melanie snuggled up to Mitchel on the bottom bunk , she couldn 't erase the image of Seth covered in blood . She couldn 't shake the feeling that something wasn 't right with the situation . Daisy kicked her feet and growled in her sleep . Melanie draped her arm over the side and caressed the Rottweiler 's smooth head . Recap : Sixteen - year - old Melanie Craig and her family live in the small Colorado mountain town of Blue River . Since the end of World War Three , the economy in the United States has dropped out making funding law enforcement impossible and increasing crime rates in all , but the smallest towns . The government passes a Law allowing anyone over 16 to kill three other people during their life . Vigilante justice doesn 't seem like the right solution to Melanie , but she has no choice other than to learn how to protect herself and her family . Mitchel worked alongside Zachariah Thunderhawk handing him tools and removing bolts that Zachariah pointed out . Melanie sat against the wall sweat dripping down her legs and back . She glanced up from the car magazine . Black grime streaked both Mitchel and Zachariah 's hands and forearms . " It 'll cost you more in time than in money , I 'm afraid . " Zachariah 's lips tugged downward at the corners . " Which I believe is more valuable to you , Ms . Craig . " " You are right though , I 've always valued time over money . " She turned away to go find her mom and Sam . People who have lost as much as I , know the value of time . Melanie 's lip quivered for an instant as the memory of Holly flash across her mind . She scuffed her shoe in the dirt . She could feel Mitchel watching her . She knew he was worried about her . " You don 't always have to be the strong one with me , Mel . I can be strong for us sometimes too , " he had whispered to her in the predawn hours . She knew that was true . He could be strong . He was strong . His loss was as great , if not greater than hers , which is why she couldn 't crumble in front of him , at least not yet . She had to get them to the safe zone . Then she could let down her guard . She pulled her head up and straightened her back . Mom and Sam were cleaning up the cabin and getting it ready for them to spend the next few days here . She walked down the dirt trail through the aspen trees surrounding the lake . Daisy came bounding down the trail toward her , ears flopping and wagging her welcome . Daisy came to a sliding halt and sat , nubby tail brushing the dirt . Melanie reached down and rubbed Daisy 's head and ears . The huge Rottweiler thumped her foot and cocked her head to the side . Daisy stood turning toward the lake and hunkered down growling and baring her teeth . Melanie turned her head without standing straight . Nothing . Then she heard it . Splashing in the water . Melanie didn 't move . No , it wasn 't just waves . Melanie crouched low and began moving into the trees and toward the lake . The splashing continued . Melanie flicked her eyes to the ground watching for roots and sticks . As she neared the lake , she stopped and got even lower . There was a man at the edge of the lake washing something in the water . A hunting knife was stuck through the belt at his back . He stood quickly and rubbed his hands on his pants . Melanie looked him up and down . Blood streaked his forearms and was splattered on his shoes and lower pant legs . She brought her gun up a few inches . " Wha " her voice trailed off . She tried again . " Why are you , " her voice failed her again . He smiled at her . " Melanie , I 've been hunting . What did you think I had been doing ? " He raised his hands and took a step toward her . Seth stopped . " The doe is over there . " He pointed to the bushes behind the rifle . " I 'll show you . " He took a step toward the gun . He came stumbling through . " What are you . " He stopped once he reached her side . He looked back and forth between Melanie and his twin brother . Daisy growled way down deep in her throat and bared her teeth . Mitchel looked at his twin for a few seconds and then went over to the rifle . He picked up the gun and emptied the two shells onto the ground . He stepped over the rock it had been leaning on and pushed aside the long grass . |
Graduated in June 2011 with a degree in Medical Specialties and then retired with my husband to Costa Rica in June 2011 . Couldn 't be happier . I am now , as of September 2012 , pretty much disabled because of my back . But I don 't let that get me down , I still enjoy life and love life . I would want to be anywhere else in the world . Sorry I haven 't been on here in a long time . For some reason I couldn 't get anything to post . So I have started a Facebook page if you are interested . Costa Rica Country Living , https : / / www . facebook . com / CRcountryliving / This is much easier for me to keep up with and use . Look forward to seeing you all there . Thanks . Yesterday afternoon I noticed a tumor on the side of my dog . This thing just popped up ! We are almost constantly petting him and giving him belly rubs ; he 's pretty spoiled really . So , I immediately called one of my vets and arranged to bring him in the following morning . He loves going for car rides , all we had to do today was open the door and say , " Let 's go ! " and he jumped right in . He 's really a giant baby . People are very intimidated by him because of his size , 77 pounds / 35 kilos . He 's an American Staffordshire Terrier , so he looks a lot like a pit bull ; they are very close cousins . All this dog wants is to be loved on . We adopted him almost two years ago and he was extremely emaciated and very sick and he had been beaten . The person who had him wanted him to fight , but he just wanted to love . So we got him and he gets lots of love here . Everyone who gets to know him falls in love with him . Well , we get to the vet and she examines his tumor . She is a little worried at first as it is rather large and pretty solid , but it was still movable which was a good thing . She gives him some anesthesia and he slowly started getting sleepy . He didn 't even flinch when he got his shots , he was a perfect boy . I told my vet that I have never had a problem with anyone giving him his vaccinations and that he is special , she told me that he is very special . He put his head on my shoulder and started drifting off until he could no longer sit up and slowly laid down on the table . When he was pretty out of it she gave him a local to numb the area so she could get to work . She didn 't want to put him under completely so he could have a quicker recovery time . Five minutes later we are transferring him to the other room where she has everything set up to get the tumor out . She picks him up to carry him and he whimpers the entire way ! I have never heard him whimper before and I was almost in tears ! I just know that he was confused and didn 't know what was going on and scared . She laid him on the table and I spoke softly to him while petting his big block head . He drifted off even more , his eyes were closed and he was sleeping . She got to work right away . I stayed with him the entire time and my husband was in and out to check on him . He was like a nervous dad ! She got the tumor out and cut it open and looked through it and told me that it didn 't look like it would be cancerous . She suggested that we wait to do a biopsy . If he develops anymore we will have those removed and then biopsy it . I really trust my vet , she greeted Bruno with a big smile today and lots of pets and he even kissed her on the nose ! Just as she got him all stitched up he was starting to wake up . Great timing ! She sent her husband out to buy an ace bandage to put around him as she didn 't have anything long enough to fit around him . We gave him several minutes to look around and know that he was OK and to make sure he wasn 't going to freak out . The vet carried him out to the car for us and laid him gently in the back seat where Bruno slept the whole way home . I picked him up a new brush and a new collar today also . Total cost of everything , including antibiotic injections … under $ 70 ! My vet is an amazing woman and speaks great English . We giggle at each other when she can 't remember a work in English and I can 't remember one in Spanish . We work it out . I can really tell that she loves the animals and wants what 's best for them . I live in the Sarapiqui area and was extremely fortunate yesterday . We were predicted to get between 12 and 18 inches of rain and strong winds ; neither happened here . We were prepared though . We had plenty of bottled water , food , pet food , candles , flashlights , hand sanitizer , baby wipes , first aid kit , and some wine . The hurricane made a turn to the north and all we got was some rain , wind , and a few wind gusts . We were lucky , but other areas weren 't so lucky . Our power did go out for about three and a half hours , but that was it . We also made sure to have a full tank of gas in the car and the pet carriers at the ready . The towns to the north and on the northern caribbean side got the worst of it . The town of Upala was hit really hard . The scouts came by today asking for donations , the only thing that I had on hand was a giant bottle of water that I bought the other day and hadn 't opened . Normally when I get home I unpack things and put them in Tupperware containers because they come in bags and I don 't want to take the chance of the bag ripping open . I wish I had more to give . I 'm thinking of going to the store and buying some things and taking them down to our Red Cross , it 's just down the hill from my house . There are many towns in Nicaragua that got hit really hard as well . There are still some missing people in both countries and several deaths as well . It could have been worse . I am thankful that we were spared the worst of it . But I am sad for the others that have lost so much . You can make donations to the Red Cross of Costa Rica if you would like to help . This is their web page , but it is all in Spanish . http : / / www . cruzroja . or . cr / It started back in January , I had a little cough . It seemed to be worse at night when I was laying down in bed for some reason . This went on for about a week , I was thinking I just had a little cold or maybe some allergies to something . After all , I live in the tropics and we had foreign company that week . Then it felt like I had something stuck in my throat , just a little tickle in the back and it wouldn 't go away . This went on for a few days when it dawned on me that I should probably see a doctor because my thyroid is right there . As you all can tell I live in Costa Rica and our healthcare system is a one payer system . It can be very slow at times . But you can purchase private health insurance and you can visit a private doctor and / or clinic if you like . We do not have private health insurance , but I did go private for a lot of my tests ; so I use the two systems together . Using the public one payer system there is no out of pocket expenses . So , I go to my primary care physician and she feels around on my neck and tells me that she wants me to get an ultrasound done of my thyroid . She does suggest that I go and have it done privately so it will be done quickly . No problem . I go to a clinic and have it done for around $ 70 . I get the results right then and there , I get the images , and take everything back to my doctor . It does show a small nodule in my thyroid . She says she wants it biopsied . Again , I go private for this and it 's around $ 250 . I get the test results back in a few weeks with a suggestion of getting my thyroid removed because of the type of cells that were found ; Hurthle cells . This is when I really start doing some research on the subject . It seems that Hurthle cells are rare and even rarer if they are cancerous , it seems that I am rare . So , I decide to go to a private endocrinologist here in Costa Rica . Cost for an office visit was $ 100 without insurance . He orders some tests , another ultrasound , and can 't figure out for the life of him why they would want to remove the nodules when they are so small . I 'm already put off at this point with him after hearing him say that . But I get the tests done and send him the results . Blood work was actually fine and the new ultrasound showed another small nodule on the right lobe of my thyroid . Private endo still wants to wait . In the meantime I am waiting on getting in with the public system so I don 't have to pay anymore . I made a trip to the States to visit my family , this was back in June . Had a great time , my cousin and I took our kids on a road trip for their high school graduation . Got to see my sister , which is always important to me . Got back and got my appointment with the public system finally . By this time it is the end July when I finally get to meet with an endocrinologist . She was very nice and spoke pretty good English . She reviewed everything and set me up with what they call a thyroid clinic at the hospital . That appointment was August 11th . During this appointment I met with an oncologist , endocrinologist , pathologist , a surgeon , and about 12 interns as it is a teaching hospital . I liked the idea of meeting with everyone at once . This kept everyone on the same page at the same time and I didn 't have to go to multiple doctors appointments and it saved a lot of time . The decision was made that yes I would have surgery . We just didn 't know when . So , my husband and I ran all over the hospital getting all the paperwork ready and I got on the waiting list for surgery . I also got another appointment for another ultrasound , this appointment was in October . In the meantime , I 'm trying not to freak out too much . This is a lot to take in , still didn 't know if it was cancer or not at this point either . A good friend of mine talked me into going up to Florida to see if I could get the surgery done there any quicker . I went to an endocrinologist in Florida who told me not to worry about anything because the nodules were small and it was probably just papillary thyroid cancer and those nodules are very slow growing . This doctor had all of my tests results and was bilingual , so he could read Spanish , and no where did it say papillary only Hurthle ! I was so angry . His suggestion was to come back in six months and he would do a genetic test on it to be sure . This doctor reminded me of all the stories that I have read on the support pages about how doctors don 't listen to their patients at all , I was in tears when I left there . So , I came back home . Somewhere along the line I actually lost the order for my next ultrasound . I have no idea how I had done this . But , I had taken a picture of it on my phone ! So , I went private . Again , I paid the $ 70 for the ultrasound and the doctor was very nice . She explained everything to me that she was looking at … well , almost everything . My husband was right there with me the entire time like he was for every other test . I get the results and head back to my primary care doctor to see if she can get them to the hospital for me . It turns out that she can 't get them to the hospital for me and that I have to take them myself . This is a two hour drive each way . But , the results now show that I do have cancer . So much for those doctors telling me not to worry about anything . My husband and I decide to take the results down on a Friday and drop them off . I get to my endocrinologists office and wait for the door to open so I can hand him the results . He looks at them and then looks at me and asks , " You still haven 't had surgery yet ? " Nope , I 'm still waiting for them to call with an opening . He told me to come with him that he was admitting me right then and there ! He said this was not waiting and couldn 't wait and yes it is cancer . I was starting to freak out at this point . I like to be prepared for things and I was not prepared for this at all . I went in on Friday afternoon to the hospital and had my surgery on Tuesday . All of the nurses and doctors were very nice and treated me very well . The food was terrible though ! If I ever eat rice and beans again it will be too soon . My surgeon told me that the surgery went beautifully and I actually got to come home the following day on Wednesday . I was super happy to be home . After all , I was only home for a few days from Florida before I went into the hospital . My poor cats and dogs were freaking out when I got home again . It 's been a week since I had my surgery and I got my stitches out of my neck today . I told my husband I could be Frankenstein 's monster for Halloween now . I did get a secondary infection after I got home , which seems common for me to do ; I have had many surgeries in my life . I am now taking my medication everyday and I will have to continue to take it everyday for the rest of my life if I want to live , which I do . I will go back for some blood tests pretty soon to monitor my hormone levels and to see if anything needs to be changed . I will have to continue getting ultrasounds every so often also to check for any regrowth of any tumors . This battle may be over , but the war still rages on . It 's an ongoing war with this , many people are never right after the surgery and so many more people don 't understand what they are going through . The thyroid is a very important little organ and it controls so much in your body , once it 's gone it can be very difficult to get balanced again . They call thyroid cancer the " good cancer " , but there is nothing good about it . You still have to try to live , take medicine everyday for the rest of your life , hope you can get it balanced . Many doctors won 't listen to their patients about it either , I 'm glad that mine is listening . I told her today how much I appreciate her . So please , if you know someone who is going through , or who has gone through a thyroidectomy for cancer … be patient and understanding with them . Listen to them because many feel like no one is listening . Many get left behind by friends and family because they just don 't have the energy anymore to do the things that they once loved doing . We feel tired , all the time , no matter what we do or don 't do . I 'm just starting my journey and I have a long way to go with it . But I am learning , and I have found support with my thyca sisters and my husband . I hope to paint again soon because that is what I love to do . So , today I got up at 5 : 20 in the morning . Brushed my teeth , let the dog out , got dressed , and then headed down to the clinic to make a doctors appointment . They open at 6 am and it 's first come first serve and the first appointment is at 7 am . There was already a line when I got there at 5 : 35 am . I got my appointment for 8 , but they assign four people to each hour slot and I was in the last slot so my appointment was really closer to 9 . That was good because that meant I could go by the bakery and get some pastries and then come home and have some coffee with my husband . I get down to the clinic and wait to be called , they checked all my vitals and I went to wait again for the doctor . I really like my doctor I have here . She very nice , patient , understanding , and knows a lot of English . I told her everything that was going on , she went over my biopsy report again to refresh her memory ; after all she sees a lot of people . I told her about the pain I am having and how my voice is getting worse . She listened to my lungs , felt my thyroid , and then we talked . With the way the system is , her hands are kind of tied right now . She can 't send me in through the emergency department unless I can 't eat or drink . She may be able to if the pain becomes unbearable though . So , back to the waiting game . I ended up finally breaking down and crying , which caused more pain . I think this is the first time that I have actually cried about it . I told her that I have been trying to stay strong for my family and not letting them know how freaked out I really am about the whole thing . She said that they should be strong for me . I did agree , but I have always been this way and for many years I was a single mom and had to be strong for the kid . She asked me how I was sleeping , I told her not well . Not only does my neck hurt but I have back problems too . I will be sleeping good tonight with what she prescribed for me . We went over my allergies again , that list keeps getting longer . I 'm allergic to almost all narcotics , fish , and cherries . The older I get , the more allergies that seem to be developing . That is something else we will have to look into after the thyroid gets taken care of because it 's sounding like an autoimmune type of disease . Anyways , I got my meds and a shot in the hip and was on my way home . Total time was about two hours , the pharmacy is right inside the clinic so that saves a trip . Total out of pocket expense today , $ 0 . Yup , everything is covered . I get back home and tell my husband everything that happened . He said he wish he would have gone with me so he could have drove back after my shot . It kind of hurt to clutch on the way home . He gave me a big hug and held me for a long time ; he then asked where I would like to go Pokemon hunting today ! That made me laugh and put a smile on my face . Yes , I have been doing the Pokemon Go , but only to get more Pokemon than my daughter . I told him maybe tomorrow as my butt still hurts and I got up early today . So here I am with a large cat in my lap cuddling on me and purring , I think he is trying to cheer me up also . But I do wonder what is going on my area , two of my neighbors had their thyroids removed and I met another lady today who is having problems . Makes me wonder , but my biological mother had hers removed and I grew up close to a uranium processing plant that leaked . I think I was doomed from the start . Oh well . Until mañana , Pura Vida ! The hospital I go to is in Heredia . I haven 't been to any other public hospitals here . So , again I can only tell you about my experience yesterday . Yesterday was my appointment to meet with a bunch of doctors about my thyroid issues . I have at least two tumors in it , maybe more . So we get up at , " I shouldn 't have even gone to bed " o ' clock and have coffee . Feed the cats and dogs and head out . My appointment was at 7 but you always have to be there at least 15 minutes early to show all of your paperwork and it 's about a two hour drive for us . We get to the hospital and my husband drops me off at the front while he goes and finds a place to park . We ended up getting there a lot earlier than anticipated , but that 's all good . Now , the last time I was there I remember seeing a sign for the thyroid clinic on the forth floor of building C . So , I go there first . Nope , wrong place . OK , we head to building B and ask the guard . We are in the right building but we need to wait to be called up and they will take us up in a group to the third floor . The third floor is the patient floor and it is a secure floor , no one is just allowed to walk in ; I like that . We get called up at 7 and head up with a lady and her family . I was the first one to go in for the meeting at 7 : 30 . There were a total of 16 doctors and medical students in the room . It was a little overwhelming . My endocrinologist was there , a pathologist , an oncologist , a surgeon , and I 'm not sure who else . What they do is they get all the specialist together to meet with the patient and go over their case and decide as a group what should be done . It really speeds things up , I don 't have to go all over town to different specialists for different things . They are all there together communicating with each other . They ask me a few questions , feel my thyroid , talk , and then have me wait back out in the hall . Next they called in the other lady . I wait for her to get done and then for the doctors to discuss everything on our cases . The students leave and only one doctor stayed , he called me back in to discuss what the plan is . I am going to have surgery . With the type of cells that were found in my biopsy they want to get the tumors out . That is going to be the only way to know for sure if it is cancerous or not . These cells can go either way . Now , when I went to a private doctor , he wanted to wait ; saying that the tumors were too small and it was nothing to worry about . These doctors want to get it out sooner than later . From there we went back to the other building and up to the forth floor . Now that we are back in building C we wait to get a paper stating that I am in need of surgery and with what doctors . I take this down to the first floor to get it stamped . After finding out where exactly to take it I get it stamped I take it up to the third floor . At this point we are getting some exercise . I finally found where to go on the third floor and take my paperwork to the window . The guy then tells me that he doesn 't have my file and needs it ; now it 's back up to the forth floor . I get my file and then back down to the third floor . He lets me know that it 's going to be 15 minutes before he can do anything . OK , we went outside for a smoke . We finally get my file back and have to take it to a nurse where she checks my vitals and then tells me to wait . I have no idea what I am waiting for at this point . My name finally gets called and I meet one on one with my surgeon . ( Ah , that 's why I was waiting . ) So , I finally get to talk to my surgeon and find out exactly what is going to happen . They are going to remove at least half of my thyroid . I need to get another ultrasound done first though to see if they need to remove the entire thyroid . I really wasn 't expecting this . But now I know . From there I have to go back to building B and talk with admissions about when I can get in . Unfortunately this is the only public hospital for my entire province . I am on a waiting list and they will call when they have an opening for me . I do know that I am put on the fast track which moves me to the top of the list because of possible cancer . But at least I know I will get it taken care of without any out of pocket expenses . I would hate to think what all of this would have cost me in the States even with insurance . Especially with all of the doctors that I met with . Next it was off to building A to make my appointment for my ultrasound . I go up to the guard who gives me a red number and I take a seat and wait for my number to be called . I noticed that there were different colored numbers , red is priority . My appointment is for next week , which means another long trip to Heredia ; but at least I don 't have to get up as early . The lady told me that they are open from 7 - 1 and I can come anytime during then . I was listed for the 7 - 8 time slot , but when I told her where I lived she said it wasn 't a problem to come later . Thank you ! So , we hit all three buildings at the hospital . Met with an entire team of doctors , got myself on the waiting list for surgery , got my appointment for my ultrasound , and didn 't pay anything out of pocket . No co - pays , no deductibles . Our monthly premium is based on our income here , so we don 't pay a whole lot . This will be my second surgery here , the first was an emergency appendectomy . All of the doctors have been super friendly and so has the staff ; including the security guards . It 's like a one stop shop for all of your medical needs . They even have a pharmacy there for people to pick up their prescriptions before leaving the hospital , so no leaving the hospital and driving to another pharmacy and waiting for your prescriptions . They system isn 't perfect , but I find that it works . It may be slow at times , but at least I know I 'm not going into debt that I won 't ever be able to repay . I know that if I do have an emergency I will be taken care of also . When all was said and done we were out of there around noon . Then we headed to Walmart for junk food . I didn 't find exactly what I was looking for , but that 's OK . We got some pastries to eat in the car while we watched the kids in the skate park practicing their skate boarding . It was really neat to watch . From there we headed home and I didn 't make any wrong turns while leaving the city . About half way home there is a gift shop up in the mountains , which it was pretty cold up there for me . I wasn 't expecting my husband to stop , but he did . They have these hammock chairs that I really like ; I have one but wanted another one . The last time we checked they were asking 25 , 000 colones for them ; we decided that was too much . This time we asked and they were asking 22 , 000 for them . But the one I liked was outside on display . They lady told me that since it was the display on she would give us a discount on it ; we got it for 20 , 000 . I was quite happy with that . This one is a lot longer than the first one I bought . So , after this already really long day my husband comes home and gets out the ladder to try to shorten the chain that my other hammock chair was on . It was still too long . I tie some knots in it and now it is perfect ! It is so much more comfortable than the other one . I will only let you sit in it if I really , really like you ! So , that was my day yesterday . It was a long day , but I feel that it was productive and I feel that I got a lot of answers . Now , we just wait for the call . Until mañana , Pura Vida ! Really , it was a simple and painless process . Probably the easiest thing we have done here having to do with the government . You also must remember that my blog is based on my personal experiences for the area that I live in . We went to Guapiles to renew our license as it is the closest place for us . First we went and got our physicals at a local doctor in the town we live in . Next , we paid the fee of 5 , 000 colones each at Banco Nacional . Our physicals were 20 , 000 colones each . We made sure to keep our receipts from the bank , as you will need those . We also got copies of our physicals , called Dictamen here , they did want to see that as we entered to get in line . We got up early today so we could get a good place in line , when we got there I would guess that there were about 7 - 10 people ahead of us . But the lady looked at my husbands birth date on his license and realized that he is 66 years old so he gets to go to the front of the line . Now , also , my husband is 3 / 4 deaf and is lucky to hear me half of the time . ( But I still love him . ) I explain this to the woman at the gate that I needed to translate for him . So I got to go with him ! We went first and we were both in and out in less than 15 minutes . The lady asked for all of our paperwork , our current drivers license and our cedula 's . She made sure our address was still the same , phone number , and e - mail address , took our picture , we signed , and had our finger print done . That was it . Super easy ! From there we did our normal monthly shopping in Guapiles . There are some things cheaper there than they are in the town we live in , and we have to go there every month to make the house payment . Stocked up on cat food and got to see the vets cat , I remember when she got the cat and it was a tiny kitten , now she is full grown and beautiful . Stopped by one of the bigger supermarkets to stock up on coffee and salsa and a few other small items . From there we did our monthly trip to Paqueño Mundo , it 's basically like a Big Lots in the States . I can find my canvas there for really cheap . We had to wait a few minutes for them to open and when they did they had all of their front of the house staff there greeting everyone as they came in , I found that to be very nice . From there we headed back to our area and made the car payment . A simple day , but we got a lot done . Everything is paid for the month now . It got super hot today and now we have some thunder off in the distance . It 's been a busy week for me , I 've been doing a lot . I have been participating in GISHWHES . If you don 't know what that is , I encourage you to look it up . It 's rather interesting . I can 't post anything I 've done yet , I may do that next week after the contest ends . But I think my entire town now thinks I 'm insane . I 've made a lot of people smile and laugh though . GISHWHES is partnered with Random Acts which is a wonderful charity organization . Next week I go for my doctors appointment . I will update you all on that when I can . Until mañana , Pura Vida ! We got up at 4 am and I hate getting up early . Had our coffee and got ready to head out to the hospital for my appointment with an endocrinologist through the public system . The hospital is at least a two hour drive away , and over lots of mountains . It was still dark when we left , had a little misty rain in the mountains , drove through the clouds , and it was cool ; it was actually below 60 degrees . We get to the hospital a little after 7 am . We finally find where I need to go for my appointment . They tell that I need to go back downstairs first for something , they needed to make a file for me and I guess they only do that in one area of the hospital . No problem , I finally get that down and head back up to the forth floor . Next I see the nurse who checks my vitals , weight , and actually measured my waist . Never had that done before . Then I go out in the hall and wait to be called back . My appointment was set for 8 am , by this time it was pretty close to 8 . I think what they do is schedule several people for an hour and call them back in order that they arrived . I got called back close to 9 ; I was glad I took my Kindle with me . The doctor was very nice and she had two students with her . She speaks better English than she gives herself credit for . She went over all my tests results that I have had done and compared the two different ultrasounds results . I found it kind of funny when she asked if I had ever had any surgeries . I have had at least 12 of them . I might of missed a couple though . ( I think I am trying to see what I can live without . ) She was going to do a consult on the spot with another doctor , but he wasn 't in . So , I go back in two weeks and meet with a pathologist , a surgeon , and a thyroid specialist . Yes , I am going to have another surgery . I 'm not really surprised . She told me my chances of having cancer are only at 20 % , I will take that . But the only way to know for sure is to remove all of the tumors and do a full biopsy on them . She was pretty thorough in the examination and I was out in no time . After that , my husband and I decided to make a trip to Price Smart , it 's like a Costco . I found our way to this one with no problems at all . I missed a turn or two when going to the hospital , but it wasn 't a big deal . My husband said that I have problems finding the hospital for my very important appointment but no problem finding a place to shop . What can I say ? I like to shop on occasions . I did find a new pair of shoes at a Payless next to Price Smart , I needed them . Also , we won 't have to buy toilet paper , napkins , coffee filters , or peanut butter for the next six months . We also got some of those snack pack pudding cups , the neighbors grandson really loves them . After that we were on our way home , it got a little rainy up in the mountains but not too bad . Finally made it home and we all took a nap . The dog was super happy to see us and so was my cat . We were only gone about 8 hours , but you know how animals are . Until mañana , Pura Vida ! I 've been going to the same optometrist now for about four years . I really like this doctor , she is a very nice and honest lady . I went to a different one last year and she couldn 't get my prescription right for some reason so I went back to the first one . Glad I did . She found a small cataract in my left eye that the other doctor didn 't find . I do have a referral for an ophthalmologist , but it is a ways out yet . A couple of days ago I started getting some eye pain . That usually only happens when I need new glasses . I was thinking it was kind of early because it had been just under a year since my last eye exam . I usually go about every two years , which was the recommendation of the last ophthalmologist I went to in the States . But with me getting older and knowing I have the cataract I thought I should get them checked out . I went back to my doctor in Ciudad Quesada . She asked me how my daughter was doing and how my husband was and if I had been back to visit the States recently . She only saw my daughter once before and that was over two years ago . I think the woman has a great memory . So she proceeds with the exam . During the exam she was trying to get my left eye focused , which is nearly impossible , and all I could see clearly was the first and last letter in the row . She was very thorough , gets the prescription ready and then compares it to my current glasses . She tells me that the prescription is still exactly the same . I am curious as to why I have been having the eye pain . She looks into my pupils and tells me that the cataract is getting a little bit bigger and it is in the center of my eye ; that is why I could only focus the first and last letter of the line . She also tells me that I need to move my laptop farther back from me , about 50 centimeters . She just gave me advice today on how to prevent the pain and to come back in six months for a recheck . The cost of the eye exam was under $ 10 . I know many people talk about how gringos are always getting ripped off or treated unfairly . This doctor did not try to do that . She was completely honest with me . Didn 't try to tell me my prescription had changed just so she could sell me a new pair of glasses to make a profit . Didn 't charge me anything extra at all , spent at least 40 minutes with me talking and going over everything . I feel very lucky to be where I am and to know the people that I know . Until Mañana , Pura Vida ! Well , we did take our car through Riteve , which is the annual inspection here . You have to have this done every year and it 's not expensive at all , under $ 20 . They checked pretty much everything on the car . They inspected the brakes , exhaust , windows , seatbelts , shocks , tread on the tires , oil , washer fluid , lights , and everything else you can think of . We failed . Turns out we had a hole in our exhaust system that we didn 't know about . So we went and got that fixed , it cost about $ 90 to get it all done . Took the car back , only $ 10 for the second time around , and we passed . I believe you have three chances to get your car through , I don 't know what happens after that . I am now affectionately calling our car " The money pit . " We just had the breaks fixed ( needed new pads on the front and the back ones cleaned ) , they started to squeak and we had our clutch fixed too , all this week . Total cost for repairs , and getting the oil changed was under $ 100 . I can live with that . I did go to the States for a couple of weeks and spent some time with my biological family . I had a great time , I stayed with my cousin . Her and I are so much alike it 's not even funny . We joke around and say that if I hadn 't been put up for adoption the family would have found a way to separate us because we would have gotten into so much trouble together . She even manages at a restaurant that I used to manage at as well , at least the same company , and know a lot of the same people . I 'm telling you , this apple didn 't fall too far from that tree ! She is planning a trip down here for next year and I can 't wait ! When I flew out , I changed my flight to fly out of Liberia instead of San Jose . Volcano Turrialba had been going off and many flights had been canceled . It only cost me an additional $ 40 to change my flight . I 'm cheap so I use Southwest . So , we decided to make a trip out of it and we got a hotel at Playa Hermosa and stayed the night there . We had a great time . We got up early Monday morning and headed out . Had a great lunch in Nuevo Arenal at a place called Paniagua . Great food and great people there . I definitely recommend it . Got up early Tuesday morning and headed to the airport . The Liberia airport is very easy to get around in and seems more tourist friendly than San Jose . But it does usually cost a little more . I did a little shopping while I was up there , some things are easier to find for me and some things are cheaper . I try to find the specialty items that I can 't find anywhere but there . My husband was quite happy when I got back , I was very happy as well . I don 't think I can live in air conditioning anymore . It was really bothering me up there , my lungs don 't like cold air . I made a trade with a friend of mine that found me a few weeks before my trip , I hadn 't heard from her in years . I was super happy that she finally got Facebook and was able to look me up . I traded her one of my paintings for some new paints . I did get to see her and we went to a wolf sanctuary in Indiana and I got to pet the wolves . It was amazing . Right before I left , one of my neighbors took all of my test results and my insurance card to the hospital for me with my referral for an endocrinologist through the public system . Basically what you do is that you get a referral from your local doctor , take everything to the hospital , the doctors review it , and then they give you an appointment . Some appointments can take several months , in some cases it can take a year or more . It just depends on the severity of the case . Well , my appointment was set for one month out ! They put me to the top of the list . I am a little nervous about all of this . We still don 't know if it 's cancer or not , but I am getting more swelling in the left side of my neck . I will just have to discuss with the doctor and go from there . I know I need surgery , there is no way around that . I just hope they schedule it soon . I have had many surgeries in my life , but I have never really been nervous about one until now . I did buy a couple of scarves while I was in the States so when I have the surgery I can cover the incision . I don 't want to walk around with people staring at me . All the animals are doing well in the house . Bruno was super happy when I came home . Nothing like having a 60 pound dog running at you smiling and wagging his tail ! I thought he was going to tackle me . Even the cats were happy to see me . Not a whole lot else going on really , been working on a new painting and this one is taking a while . I don 't want to rush this one . I went with a bigger canvas and I think I found it a little intimidating . We did have a few small tremors last Sunday night that put me on edge a little , and Volcano Turrialba blew her top again today . Until mañana , Pura Vida ! |
Tonight at dinner Max 's best for the day was , " I wasn 't really in trouble at all today . " It totally cracked me up because I 'd just gotten done writing about all of the troubles today here on the blog . I 'm guessing the difference is that no one got overly mad or yelled and he didn 't have to ever spend time in his room or sitting on a stool . So , even though he did stuff he shouldn 't have and there were consequences , he felt like he hadn 't been in trouble all day . Is this a good thing ? Yes , I think so . I think what it really means is that he never really felt unloved . That 's a check in the good column in my book . It 's Anthony 's Friday off , which is very nice . He got up early this morning and went for a killer bike ride - 50 + miles with a good amount of hills . The down side to this is that I got up and got Max off to school , rather than sleeping in . ; ) Getting Max off to school went okay today , but there were a few complications . Max opted to not walk with me because he didn 't like my topic of conversation . I was asking him how he thought Dad 's business trip was going . You see , Max told his substitute teacher on Tuesday that his dad had left on a week long out of town business trip and Max hadn 't had a chance to say good - bye . This is why Max was so sad that he had to put his head down and cry rather than do his school work . Yeah . Max didn 't want to talk about that , so much . When we got to school , Max had to give a pencil back to his teacher that he 'd appropriated yesterday . His teacher is finally getting more strict with him about this issue . She , in fact , told him that he couldn 't take some markers home when school is out ( even though he was going to get to ) because he took them early and then claimed to her that she 'd told him he could . Then it was back home to get Davan up , do chores , have breakfast and go off to open gym . Davan spent some time showing her coach some more advanced skills today . When kids move up to team from pre - team , if they have a certain set of skills mastered , it 's a big deal and they get a trophy . Davan had a whole list of about 30 skills to work though that her coach wanted to check , including several things she 'd never done before . Literally . However , she did all of them but two . Yeah , you read that right . Two . It was pretty awesome . She 'll have a couple of weeks to see if she can get those last two in order to get the trophy . Quite a few of the girls that move up to team don 't get it , so it 's quite a coup . Right after open gym , we went to Max 's therapy appointment , Max having been picked up by Anthony during open gym . We all went so that we could go out to lunch afterward . During lunch , Max took hisPosted by I know I 've been going back and forth a lot here on the blog . I 'm practically schizophrenic . Guess what ? I 'm still working through the stages of grief . I don 't know how long it 'll take me to get past it because wounds keep opening up - a new crisis , the adoption finalization , Anthony seeming to take Max 's side . All of these are likely to open up my grief wounds again . What am I grieving ? The loss of our family as I knew it . The lost of the family I 'd hoped to have after adoption . The loss of my ability to think of myself as a good , or at least decent , parent . The loss of Davan 's safe childhood . I move onto " I can do this . It 'll be okay , " back to anger and depression . It 's normal . It 's a normal way of processing grief . It might look crazy , but it 's not . Eventually , I should be able to heal . Now , in all fairness , Max is grieving , too . He 's grieving for his foster family . He 's grieving for his birth mom . He 's grieving for his family ideal ( which we are not ! ) . Rationally , I can see that . Living with it all day to day . . . well , it 's much harder . Max is having another day on the rocks . He still seems to be having school issues - feeling unsettled . We talked some this morning about the other school options . This afternoon he told me he hated Highland and wanted to move to another school . Now . He 's showing is very anxious behaviors . Two weeks for the meds to kick in . Supposedly . Yesterday was one week . Unfortunately , he escalated enough today that he 'll be missing football practice this evening . He lied to us yesterday , saying that he didn 't have any reading homework . Today he told me that he 'd lied ( only because I 'd have known as soon as I looked at his book ) and I decided that I wasn 't going to let it go . I 'm very tired of being lied to all the time . And lying about stuff he knows we 'll find out about seems especially stupid . That 's just saying , " Hey , I can lie all I want and there won 't be any repercussions . " I let him know that because my patience was just about out as a result of being lied to and generally annoyed for the last couple of days , that he needed to get his list of stuff done post haste and then entertain himself in his room until dinner if he wanted to go to football this evening . Well , he had some troubles , but was making it , when I found out that he 'd lied about finishing a job . That was it for me . He 's not going . It just doesn 't feel like this job gets easier . I can probably do it , though . It just isn 't going to be fun . It 'll be a job . His whole childhood . Probably . Maybe not . Maybe he 'll change . Maybe I will . I wish I were . I know that tomorrow , I 'll really wish I 'd been sleeping now . But , I 'm not . My mind is chasing it 's own tail around and around . Lots going on . Lots to think about . Dark chocolate too close to bedtime . Yeah . I think it all contributes . Davan . She made team . This is great . I 'm very excited for her . I 'm also worried about the excitement / apprehension levels in the house up until she goes for her first team work out . It 's only a week , which is good . But , it 's a whole week . Yeah . I 'll have to keep her busy . I 'm somewhat worried about finances . We can swing it for her to be on team , but it 'll cost us a vacation or deck or there abouts . It 's so important to her and it 's worth it , but gosh . It 's a lot of money . Max . He had a rough afternoon . He just felt like being as annoying as he could be including gems like making a loud and sudden noise behind Davan 's back while she was reading , getting out of bed to turn on his book on tape that he did not have privileges for this evening due to poor after bedtime behavior last night and asking multiple times to take one of the family balls outside after he 'd already lost one over the neighbor 's fence . ( The neighbor does not want Max in her yard . I can 't blame her . He 'd be over there about 5 times every 15 minutes while playing with a ball in our yard . He 's just that sort of kid . So , the rule is , if a ball goes over the fence , you have to leave it until she feels like tossing it back . Meanwhile , you can take more of your own balls out to loose over the fence , but not any family balls . ) I finally figured out after he went to bed that he might have been having a rough day because of my answer to a morning question . Of course , he couldn 't just say so . No . He asked this morning if he was going to go to Highland again next year . The answer is , " Not if I can help it . " and I wanted to be somewhat truthful , so I said I wasn 't totally sure . I don 't know what brought the question on , but it seems that his teacher might have asked him . This kind of ticks me off because I wanted the Posted by I 'm listening to a set of presentations by a lady named Holly van Gulden . She grew up in a large , multi - national , multi - racial foster / adoptive family . I believe she was the only bio child in the family . She is also an adoptive mom and a therapist who works with adoptive kids , particularly the most troubled ones . Now , life with Max isn 't easy , but he 's also not one of the most troubled ones . Yeah , he is passive agressive . Yeah , he 's oppositional and defiant . Yeah , he has physically attacked me . Yeah , he 's somewhat destructive . Yeah , he lies . Yeah , he hordes in a way that is precariously close to stealing . However , sometimes he also does what he 's asked to do . Sometimes he 's cheerful and helpful . He 's only had one hard hit in the last several months , although there are other agressive behaviors . But . He doesn 't attack me with butcher knives . He hasn 't yet molested anyone . ( I do say yet because he 's done a little skirting of the issue and I don 't feel the case is closed here for sure . ) He doesn 't ruin Davan 's stuff . Nor does he physically harm her . He doesn ' tSo , in listening to these presentations called Keeping Families Healthy , I 'm sometimes thinking we don 't have it so badly . Suffice it to say that it 's bad enough for me , though . And I still need to hear what they 're saying to deal with stuff . There are three separate presentations in the set . The first is about Keeping Healthy Siblings Healthy When One Child is Acting Out . The second is called Living with an Angry Child . Both are interesting and pertinent . It 's the second that 's got me thinking , yet again , about anger . I read a lot about anger with parenting . It 's in most parenting books . We get angry . How do we deal with it ? It 's an especially big deal with a child who is angry because parents get angry more easily then . I 've read to let it out in small bursts as you feel it . It 's okay to yell a little to prevent build up of anger , says this theory . When I yell , Max tunes out , freezes up and probably takes a bunch of steps backward . I 've been told by therapists thatPosted by Tonight is the meeting with Davan 's coach to talk about the testing she did on Friday . I know why Linda wants to talk to them individually . I know why she doesn 't just want to call with the news . I can understand that . Especially if a girl didn 't make it or needs to know her options . However , our weekend would have been a lot less stressful if Linda had said to Davan on Friday , " Good job - you made it - we 'll talk more Tuesday . " I 've told Davan that she 's in like Flynn , but my word doesn 't make her believe . The worry plus the illness made for an emotional weekend for my little preteen . This morning , though , she is suddenly confident that she made it . Okay , then . Now that the waiting is almost over . Thus , next week starts the step up in gymnastics hours . She 'll have workouts for 3 hours at a time 3 times a week . I 've promised to stay with her for the whole first workout , but then I 'll mostly drop her off with some watching at the ends . The problem here is , for watching that first workout , is Max . I really don 't want to have him at the gym for 3 hours . Or even for 1 1 / 2 until Anthony could come and get him after he gets home from work . When we were there for 2 hours for Davan 's testing on Friday , it didn 't go well . He and another boy ( who has behaviors I would not tolerate in my home ) fed off of each other . Just one of his lovely behaviors was when I put my hand out for him to put whatever he was chewing on ( it turns out wadded up paper , but it can just as easily be toys , beads , candy found on the ground ) in it and he worked up a whole mouthful of spit to spit into my hand . And all of this was in spite of the video that was on to watch , which usually pacifies him . I 'm trying to decide what to do with him next Tuesday while I go to the gym . I 'd like it not to be a reward , but is that just petty ? I 'd like to hire a baby sitter and tell said baby sitter that he / she is just there for his safety and not to play with him . I 'd like him not to play video games or watch videos during that time . I don 't want to pay for a baby sPosted by We are just hanging out today . We were going to go camping this weekend , but 1 ) the weather report changed from nice to rainy , even thundershowery and 2 ) Davan and I got sick . We 've already done the visiting of my parents that happens every weekend they are in town . Davan has a play date that should be starting in about 20 minutes and go for the whole afternoon . Max can also invite a friend over , but he is currently passive aggressively pretending he doesn 't know what I asked him to do ( get out a clean napkin for himself ) , so that needs to be resolved before he can move on with his day . Davan and I are both healthy today . Whew . I might go for a walk at some point . That 'd be nice . My MIL comes for dinner tonight , as it 's her usual Monday . Neither kid has sports stuff this evening with the holiday and all , so there won 't be any rushing off . Oh , and I almost forgot to mention , having gotten off on the side track of K , about Max 's late night adventure last night . Anthony and I are watching a House episode , chilling out , long after Max was in bed , when we heard a loud thunk . It was a familiar thunk of Max jumping off of his loft bed and , thus , we were waiting to hear his door open . Instead , we heard the sound of pee hitting the ground . Anthony went running down there and Max had peed in the corner of his room . First we were mad . Then we thought he 'd been asleep . Then I started talking to him while helping him get cleaned up - he 'd pulled up his pj bottoms when he 'd heard Anthony come down the hall while he was still peeing - and discovered that , indeed , he 'd been awake and had chosen to pee in his room because he " just had to pee so bad . " Now , Max has had some peeing trouble in the past , but he 's never done this . I 'm feeling quite out of sorts about it . It 's yet another thing we had said we didn 't want to take on and yet , here we are . My life these days , folks . Davan and I have both been sick sense early ( like 3am ) Thursday morning . Stomach stuff . Neither of us has puked , but we 've both had our fair share of the runs , plenty of cramps plus general sore stomachs and being quite run down . All - in - all , it 's been rather yucky . It was also quite bad timing . Davan had testing for team for gymnastics on Friday evening . She was in bad shape . She still really wanted to go . We went . She lay like a lump on the floor in between getting up and performing her skills like there was nothing wrong . She didn 't even warm them up , but she still did everything . The only thing she didn 't ace was the cartwheel in the medium beam , which isn 't a make or break deal . For being dizzy , she did awesome on the beam . We won 't know for sure until Tuesday evening , but I 'm almost 100 % sure she made it . Meanwhile , my tolerance for Max was very low and his annoyance factor was very high , resulting in me doing something I regret Saturday . Max lied to me and then argued about it when I caught him , even though I tried not to even give him a chance to argue and that , on top of his annoying behavior for the past 24 hours prior to then plus my illness put me over the top . I grabbed the kid by the face and yelled at him , then picked him up and tossed him into his room . Sigh . Max is good at pushing my buttons , but I 've been good about not doing things I regret for several months now . I 'm not happy about doing it . Max 's 7th birthday is approaching . . . more or less . It 's at the end of June . He wants a laser tag party . So , he and 8 other small boys are off to Lazer Planet for some rousing laser tag , pizza and cake . We worked on invitations today even . He 's got his list of invitees figured out and we 'll hand them out soon . It 's a little early , but he is inviting several friends from school whom he doesn 't see outside of school , nor do we have contact information for them . So , we have to get the invitations out and , hopefully , hear back on the RSVPs before school is out in case he needs to fill in with other kids . I take it bPosted by I 'm looking at schools for Max for next year . I 'm less than thrilled with the school he 's in this year . Of course , there would be a new teacher next year , but still . Even without a new teacher , there is still the whole candy for good behavior stuff that feels indicative to me of the atmosphere of the school . It sort of says , " We don 't really expect children to act right , so we 'll treat them when they do . " Not to mention that I think candy for rewards sets children up for eating troubles , which Max already has . So , what are the alternatives ? Well , the ideal alternative , for Max , would be The Arthur Academy in my opinion . It 's very structured and good behavior is expected , not rewarded . It 's very close to us , which would make pick ups and drop offs easy . They even have a dress code , which I appreciate for Max . It 's a charter school , so we wouldn 't have to pay tuition . However , The Arthur Academy is full . And , while there are three stages of deadlines for the lottery for next year ( for those few spots that might have opened up ) , we missed the first two . i guess I was slacking . Anyway , I did make the final deadline for the lottery , but I am not holding out high hopes of him getting in . Of course , another alternative would be to find a private school that I like . Costly , though , and we 're saving tuition money for when we send him to military school starting in middle school . Kidding . Sort of . The two other charter schools that are near - by , but not walking distance , although one is conceivably biking distance , are MLA and Lewis and Clark . MLA would be good for Max with the multisensory approach . And , basically , I just think that charter schools are a better environment . People there care about what they are doing and are more consistent across the class rooms . However , currently , they are about a 15 - 20 minute drive away and I 'm not excited about that every day . At any rate , I 've applied for Max and we 'll see what happens with the other choices . Lewis and Clark is a new charter school , starting up the coming up fall . It 's a Posted by You 're probably familiar with the idea that putting a label on kids is a bad thing . They will do their darndest to live up to it . Call little Johnny a trouble maker often enough and he 'll show you just what kind of trouble he can get up to . " Man , Suzy , you 're such a whiner ! " is not likely in the slightest to reduce the whining . Yeah . This I know . And , yet , I 've got Max all labeled in my head . In fact , we 've even said it aloud . Anthony and I joke that Max 's motto is , " If it 's said to me , I must disagree . " This is funny and true . But , are we helping to make it true by saying it ? Truly , Anthony says at dinner one night , " It didn 't rain on me on my bike ride today . " Max said , " No ! It was raining ! " He wasn 't even there ! It 's crazy stuff like this that he argues about . He also is unreliable in the truth department . Sometimes I can tell he 's telling the truth , but a lot of times I can 't tell . So , yes , we 've sort of labeled him as a liar . I try hard to tell him both that it 's hard to trust him because he isn 't always honest and to let him know that I expect he 'll start telling the truth sometime and then , after he 's done that for a while , I 'll be able to trust him . It 's a hard thing this whole labeling deal . I guess Max 's stress level is up . When he was first moving in , his foster mom told us that he bites his nails and we could use that as a gage as to how he was settling in . His first two fingers on his right hand were short all the time then . He was biting them . Then , for a while , it seemed like all his nails needed trimming . Then it was back to the first two fingers on the right hand . Now ? Now , all of his finger nails are down to the quick . It must be painful , but he doesn 't mention it . No trimming necessary . Is it just a bad habit he 's gotten into ? Is his stress really up that much ? If so , what about ? The fact that the finalization still hasn 't happened ? I dunno . However , we did start him on anti - anxiety meds yesterday . We 'll see if that makes a difference . I 'm moving on from the listing of good things . Not that it wasn 't a good exercise , but I 'm feeling done with it . Bored . I want to write about other stuff , but I was using all my time with the listing . Game Day . There 's stuff about Game Day . For the several years now that I 've been hosting Game Day on Thursday afternoons , it 's been one of my favorite days of the week . I love having everyone over and playing games . I love the laughing . I love the running around at the park . It 's good stuff . However . . . . Davan 's gymnastics schedule is changing . She 's testing for team this Friday and it 's almost a sure thing that she 's going to make it . She has her skills and is looking good . Even with a sore elbow ( more on that later ) , she did all her skills last night at practice , rarely missing anything . This is great news . However . . . . We do Game Day from 1 : 30 - whenever . The organized portion of Game Day finishes up at 3 : 30 . We could end then . I really like the free flowing play whatever in smaller groups portion that happens after 3 : 30 , though . Most of the time , everyone trickles out around 4 : 30 or even 5 : 00 . Level 4 team workouts are from 4 : 00 - 7 : 00 on Tuesdays , Thursdays and Fridays . We have to leave about 20 minutes before class to get Davan to the gym on time . I 've already let Davan know that I won 't be staying for the whole class all the time . I plan on catching the last hour or so most of the time . I did tell her I 'd stay for the whole session her first time . All this means that I need to leave home around 3 : 40 to get Davan to gymnastics by 4 : 00 . Even if I dropped her off and came right back home , I 'd still be gone for most of the free flow portion of Game Day . Thus , I either need to find a new day for Game Day or a new time for Game Day or cut Game Day off at 3 : 30 or just stop having it all together . The new day thing might work for the summer . Many of us have more availability in the summer . Of course , the summer schedule is supposedly different for gymnastics , as well . But , I don 't know what it is yet . Either way , the summer schePosted by Max was very grateful for the French toast I made him for breakfast this morning . Max told me he was happy about going to the foster / adoption appreciation dinner we 're going to tonight , even though it 's on the same night as a fund raiser at Chuck E Cheese . I 'm not sure he really feels this way , but he put on a brave face . Davan was a joy to be with at the park today . We shared lunch and she ran around a lot . When I spilled a large container of cat food on the utility room floor this morning , she didn 't say a word , just started to help pick it up . Anthony agreed to come home early from work tomorrow so that he could be here when Max gets home so I can teach a spring board diving class . Anthony gets up for work every day at 4 : 30am so he can be home to have dinner and spend some time together as a family before Max has to go to bed . I took Davan to the park today . I hold game day every Thursday and it 's a favorite event among the attendees . We had a lovely time at the park this afternoon . I spent most of the time laying in the shade , as I 've not been feeling very well the last few days . It felt nice to rest a bit . The kids played together ! With minimal arguing ! It was a thing of beauty ! Max was running around for a while with no socks on ! When he came to us , it was challenging to even get him to take his socks off for his bath . Well , practically . It was a very successful 45 minutes or so . Then I had to go to the bathroom too badly to stay and it was time to get home so Davan could make dinner and Max has his list to do before dinner and flag football and , and , and . A very nice time was had , though . Whew ! I need that every now and then ! Max drank his smoothie this morning even though there were chunks of blueberries in it ( apparently I did a poor job of running the blender this morning ) and , in the past , that would have totally been a deal breaker for him . I had to tell Max this morning that I don 't think the adoption will be finalized before school gets out for the summer after all . There is a delay in Salem . Nothing to do with him or us , but it 's for everyone . The adoption office is behind . He took the news pretty well . He wasn 't happy about it and was able to say so , but he didn 't let it ruin his day , either . Davan did an awesome job with chores this morning . She worked quickly and diligently and we got done in record time . Davan amazes me every day with her strength . She is getting so muscular around her upper arms and across her back , particularly . She really works at it , too . On her off day from swimming and gymnastics yesterday , she did push ups , sit ups and other calisthenics just because she wanted to . I really admire her fitness . Anthony read to Davan last night even though it was my night so that I could talk to my mom on the phone when she called right at bed time . Anthony was totally cool with me telling the kids some good news by myself , even though he 'd miss their faces lighting up with excitement . I have honored my word to keep Max appraised of the adoption proceedings , rather than assuming that he knows without ever really being told . I made dinner without complaining or snapping at anyone last night , even though I was really not feeling well . I 'm feeling better today , but still seem to have a little something . Max chose to have carrot sticks with dinner last night when he didn 't have to . Max is an enthusiastic participant in physical play type activities . Davan makes dinner at least once a week and it 's usually quite good . Davan is good at showing affection . Anthony rides his bike to work , which I think is great . Anthony always makes time for me if I call him at work and need to talk . I make sure my family has healthy things to eat all the time . I give my kids lots of hugs . When Max first moved in with us . . . . or , rather , when we first started going to therapy for Max , which was a couple of months into placement . . . Max 's therapist told us that we didn 't have to love him yet . It was enough to get through the day and have him in bed , fed and safe ( not abused ) , at the end of the day . I 'm sure that 's true . At that point , that was enough . I think , though , that it gave me permission not to love him . I still don 't feel love . I hug him , I read to him , I feed him , I do finger rhymes , I tell him I love him , I cuddle him . But I do those things because that 's what you 're supposed to do with kids , not because I really want to . I have impulses to hug Davan . When I see her first thing in the morning , I want to pick her up and hug her . If I miss her bedtime because I 'm out , I feel sad that I didn 't get to say good night . I figure that 's how a parent should feel about their child . I don 't know if it 's a lack in me that I don 't feel this for Max . Parents who have bio kids and then adopt kids talk all the time about how they don 't feel differently about their adopted kids . They feel the same intensity of love , protection and devotion for all of them . Sometimes , I must admit , I think it 's because they aren 't as bonded with their bio kids as much as I am with Davan . ' Cause here 's the thing - my SIL is glad to have time away from her kids . She 's glad when they go to school . She 's exasperated by them all the time . It seems like there are very few positive remarks toward them in comparison with all the snappish / frustrated / annoyed / angry remarks . That seems pretty much like I feel about Max . So , if parents feel that way about their bio kids , then , yeah , the adopted kid wouldn 't be any different , would they ? Then , of course , there is the adopted kid that just crawls right into the heart for whatever reason and the parent feels immediate love . Max 's therapist tells me that this is rare . Perhaps that 's really so , but perhaps it 's rare for her because the people who feel that way about their adopted kids aren 't taking tPosted by We watched this movie this evening - " Martian Child " . It was a good movie and I didn 't like it at all . I cried at the end - not happy tears , even though it 's a good ending . Sorry to blow that for you if you were waiting in suspense to watch the movie yourself . I was very depressed by this movie . It 's about a man , David , who adopts a little boy , Dennis , who thinks he 's from Mars . The little boy is very troubled and has attachment issues . He steals and is definitely way out of sync socially . David totally dedicates himself to this little boy , sitting in his car outside of a new school all day to make Dennis feel comfortable and safe . He accepts pretty much everything about him , from eating exclusively Lucky Charms to the stealing ( at least for quite a long time on the stealing ) . I know it 's a movie , but it is also based on a real life experience . I felt totally humbled . I can 't dedicate myself to Max that way . I don 't have the energy nor the single minded devotion nor , frankly , the love . I can 't accept his behaviors . I 'm trying to change most things about him , really , from how he eats to how he plays ( less video games ) to , well , it feels like most everything . My tears were of frustration , longing and worry . Anthony , the kids and I went to Saturday Market today . It was what I wanted to do for Mother 's Day - go look around and pick out some gifts . : ) We weren 't there long . We did look at most of what I wanted to look at and I did find a few shirts I really like , but we left suddenly before I might have chosen to leave otherwise . Anthony had been standing outside a stall where Davan and I were looking with Max . I called Anthony in and Max opted to go hide behind a tree . We found him quickly , luckily , but , even after I explained that it was unsafe behavior - he could get lost especially if we tore off to look for him and he lost track of us - he kept telling me that he didn 't understand . Finally , I told him to think about it for a while and let me know when he could explain why it wasn 't safe . Anthony asked to hold his hand to keep him by his side and Max passively aggressively wouldn 't . I grabbed his wrist and went to walk off . Max fell down , making it look like I was dragging him . Great . So , then I held his hand up above so I could pull him up if he tried to fall again and he fought me , trying to get my hand off him while I was trying to move him to the car . It was lovely . I felt inadequate as a parent , yet again . I was so mad at him . But was it that huge a deal ? Should I have just let it go ? Did I have to really drag him out of there ? I question my parenting every single day now . I used to just question it a couple times a week , BM ( before Max ) . We joined all the other sports suburbanites and their SUVs / Minivans ( mostly ) at flag football this morning . My mom and step dad came to watch Max play . " We tied and that 's the first time we 've tied . We 've won this team once , " Max told us . Then we went out to lunch and a short stroll around the grounds at Edgefield , which was cut short by rain and inadequate rain gear . Max was glad it was cut short and proclaimed the stroll around the grounds to be boring . Can 't win them all . He was very anxious to get home , get in a half and hour of entertaining himself and 20 minutes of reading so he could get to his video game . I left on a walk to the library by myself after both kids turned down my invitation to join in . While I was gone , Davan got an invite to a play date and was taken over there by Anthony and Max . Anthony spent some time out in the yard , mowing and weeding and such . Now he 's going to join Max in video game play for a while . I 'm about done on the computer , so I 'm thinking of sitting down to read for a while . I 'm reading " A Long Way Gone . " It 's both interesting and horrifying . I think Davan is still working through the issues of me being gone . Odd , hun ? From the supposedly well - adjusted child ? But , there it is . Or it could just be the whole pre - teen hormonal thing . Or both . Anyway , she and I had some serious ups and downs today . We did chores with her rather dragging along again . She 's usually an enthusiastic participant . I hope it 's not a new trend . I like the enthusiastic participant thing better . There was a minor fit ( followed shortly by an apology ) over her reacting kind of rudely to a question I asked and me calling her ( very mildly ) on it . Then we went off to open gym , which deteriorated when she had trouble landing her cartwheel on beam . Sigh . I finally had to go sit down for a while , after which it was somewhat better . We then had a peachy - keen ( but expensive ) grocery shopping trip . Oh ! But first , we stopped at Target to get Max 's prescription filled and there was a snafu . Lucky us . It 's Friday and didn 't get worked out , so no meds until at Tuesday at this point . Apparently , the nurse practitioner doesn 't have a medicade number , so medicade won 't pay and she was unavailable today to work things out . There is a cheaper medication that would work fine , also , and she even considered , that we could change to , but now it 'll be at least Monday before it 's worked out . Sigh . Davan helped bring in and unload groceries after shopping with a pretty good attitude , then went outside to enjoy the sunshine . It was a nice afternoon after a cloudy morning . Davan ate lunch outside and played out there for a good two hours before it was time for gymnastics . Max came home from school and announced that everyone should spend some time outside today because it was a nice day . I said , " That 's not a bad idea . Davan 's already been out there for an hour . " " She has ? Oh . " I think it took the wind out of his sails . We dropped Davan off at gymnastics , then Max and I went to a near - by park to enjoy the sunshine . It 's a park with a river , so we played at the water 's edge for a while - throwing rocks and playing wPosted by Actually , I got home Tuesday night . I 've just been quite busy ever sense arriving home . I got home just in time to say good night to Davan and go to bed with Anthony . Then it was up and ad ' em in the morning . Max had therapy with the prescriber of the therapy group he is in . He 'll be going on meds . He has a prescription and we 'll start tomorrow or Saturday . We haven 't decided for sure yet . Davan had to go to a friend 's house , which is usually quite okay with her , but after I 'd just gotten home , she was less than thrilled about it , but did fine there . After therapy , we took Max to school and Davan and I spent some time together , including a lunch out for a special reunion moment . Then it was off to swimming . As it was Wednesday , Max was picked up by a friend and delivered to the pool for us . I took the kids to a park for about 45 minutes after swimming , where we all played both together and alone . Well , Max mostly played with another boy there , which was fine , of course . Then it was home for making dinner and Max doing chores before he was off to flag football with Anthony and Davan off to gymnastics with me . Whew . Right back into it . Today Davan and I just hung out at home for the morning . We had chores to do , but also got in a lot of cuddling and togetherness , which she really needed . Boy has she been emotional today . I 'm guessing it 's major backlash from me having left her for 5 days . I think it was too long . Even though it was fun , Davan had some pretty rough times before , during and after . I feel guilty . : ( And I don 't , as I had a good time and got in some much needed time with my best friend . We laughed , played , gave each other therapy . . . all good stuff . It doesn 't seem to have hit Max as hard this time . He was a crab before I left , but that 's pretty normal for him . He had a pretty normal time of it while I was gone and when I 've come back . He did say that he missed me a lot and seemed happy to see me . I don 't think he 's so happy that I 'm making dinner again , though . . . There was a lot of eating out while I was gone . I called home and spoke with everyone . Actually , I called last night and spoke with just Anthony and Davan , Max having already gone to bed . I called back today to talk to everyone . Davan misses me and cried a little on the phone when we first talked last night . : ( I 'm still very happy to be here . Chris and I did a great yoga workout this morning . We streamed a work out from here . It was hard work . We were both sweating up a storm ! We 've gotten in more games , which is what we like . We 're going out for Lebanese food tonight . I 'm very excited . I 've done well with food sense I 've been here , which is great . However , when I spoke with the kids today , it felt like it was going to be a very long time until I see them again . Hmmm . . . . I am enjoying the lack of demands on my time , though , for sure . Although I did do some dishes this morning . LOLMax lost a tooth ( a loose one ) at flag football this morning . Flag football is still a very physical game - lots of blocking and kids are going down like they 've been tacked all the time . I had no idea . Max had lost a tooth playing basketball last winter , also . He 's just going to go through all the sports , loosing teeth , I guess . Let 's just hope they 're all loose like these two were . Here I am , in lovely Pittsburgh . No , really , it is . It 's particularly lovely because my best friend is here . : ) Yay . We 've been having an nice time so far - after my plane landed an hour late last night , resulting in a 2 : 30am bedtime for all . We slept in , had breakfast at home , went for a walk across a new pedestrian bridge . Well , the bridge is old , the pedestrian part is new . We went to REI so Chris could buy a personal flotation device on sale . We browsed through a book store . After a stop at the grocery store we came home to grill dinner . Chris made a great potato salad to go along with our green salad and grill stuff . Chris and Mike had burgers while Chris and I had grilled veggies . Yummy . Now I 'm lazing about on the couch , surfing , while Chris and Mike do the dishes . What luxury . I did help with the food prep , though . : ) I 'm thinking about the family , wondering how their getting along . Davan was going to make pizza this evening , so I 'm wondering how that 's going . It 's the first time . I hope she 's doing okay and not feeling too anxious . She has gymnastics this evening and she told me that she noticed that doing active stuff helped with her anxiety - how self aware ! - so that 's good . Honestly , I 'm less worried about Max . It seems like he just is how he is . I bet things are going fine for Anthony with him . Or as fine as they usually go . Plus , being extremely honest , I still don 't feel as bonded to him . I still hope that it 'll some some day . It 's funny because when the nurse practitioner asked on Wednesday about if Max worries about stuff , we agreed that he did , a lot . However , Davan has even more anxiety than he does . The difference is . . . well , there are several . One is that it 's not interfering with her ability to bond and develop . The other is that it 's not coupled with low self esteem . Nor does she have abandonment issues . Thus , even though Davan is more anxious , Max is the one needed the medication . I have a busy morning ahead of me . At 11 : 00 , my parents are coming to pick me up and take me to the airport . They 'll spend the rest of the day with Davan and Max ( once he 's done with school ) plus help out quite a bit more over the next five days because . . . . . I 'm off to Pittsburgh ! Who - hoo ! How many people do you know who get so excited about Pittsburgh ? Well , I 'll admit , that while I think Pittsburgh is a surprisingly nice city , the main reason I 'm so excited is that I 'm visiting my very best friend . We 're such good friends that we just think of ourselves as chosen sisters . I can 't wait ! ! ! I have a lot to do before then , though . . . so I probably shouldn 't be sitting here . . . . However , I also wanted to share that I 'm feeling a new sense of commitment to Max . I 'm back to what I 'd come to at the end of the summer when I had an adoption crisis : I can live with it now with the right attitude . Davan thinks of him as her brother and I can 't imagine taking her brother from her . It 's not right to toss people to the side , especially kids . If he ends up in residential care later , then so be it , but we won 't have given up on him . That said , we have no idea when the finalization will happen . Apparently , the office in Salem that handles adoptions is way backed up and causing all sorts of delays . It 'd be best for Max if it happens before school is out for the summer . More waiting will freak him out more . Speaking of freaking out , it 's looking like he might go on Prozac . We had the meeting with the nurse practitioner who prescribes for kids at Kinship House and she thinks it could help him , along with more counseling and a therapeutic home ( that 's us , folks ) . She wants to meet Max first , though , so we 're taking him in next Wednesday morning . Okay , now I 'm off to get stuff done . Food to pack , other stuff to finish packing , dinner to keep going in the crock pot for the family tonight , assorted chores to do , Davan to wake up and read to . Actually , here she stands ! I 'm off ! |
Halifax was polished smooth with sleek new snow , white against the blackness of a mid - winter 's night and my memories . It was three in the morning . Derek got up to let us in . I loved his small , powerful hands and his strong hug . He didn 't work for Amin anymore . At ten the next morning I walked the three long blocks to her house . My sacrum was loose and easy . Her door was just a door . I knocked . " It 's Daddy ! It 's Daddy ! " Wren yelled as he opened it . Three boys piled on top of me before I could get my coat off . Caleb had the same shock of dark brown hair over his forehead , and Wren was still a hazel - eyed towhead . Neither of them had grown much , as if they 'd wanted to stay the same for Daddy . Ariel had changed a lot , but three years old is a lot different than two . " Hello , " Carol said . I looked up to see her stiff back walk out of the room . Caleb found a lot of different ways to say how much he was going to like his cassette tape . Wren and Ariel couldn 't get enough of touching me . Carol brought out tea for all of us on a tray . The spoons rattled and clinked , she was shaking so badly . " Can I show you my room , Daddy ? " Wren asked . " Carol , " I called as they dragged me to the stairs , " Is it all right if they show me their rooms ? " Her steps shook the floorboards as she approached , heavy like Susan 's . " It 's fine if they show you their rooms , " she said softly to the bottom of the stairs . Caleb 's room was crammed with things on display , just as mine had been when I was nine . The picture of myself I 'd sent him a year ago was pinned to the wall above his bed . I barely recognized myself . He had more and more things to show me . " Hurry up , boys , your tea 's getting cold , " Carol called up . Wren 's room had hardly anything in it . Action was his focus , not things . He didn 't have my picture on his wall because he knew I 'd love him anyway . " No - ohh ! I 'm not nineteen ! " " Umm , eight ? No ! Four ! " " No ! I am six ! " " Wow ! Six is very old . " carried Wren and Ariel downstairs . Caleb followed , playing his recorder , showing me one more reason to love him . I pulled them into a three - boy - heap on the couch . They bubbled over with all the important things they had to tell me , jumping all over me , constantly interrupting one another . I listened with all my heart , drinking in the sight and sound of them after so many months , perfectly content to be with my children in the house of the most dangerous opponent I might ever meet in my life . " It 's time for you to go ! " Ariel shouted . I laughed , he was so clearly speaking the words his mother was thinking as she clattered dishes in the kitchen . " Ariel told a joke , " I said , smiling . They looked at me , unsmiling . Tension like a toothache lifted me to my feet . Carol walked in . " Well , how do you want to handle this ? " I asked her . Her body jerked as if struck . " No . " She rapidly walked out of the room into the hallway , turned her back to me , and said , " Do you want to talk about this here ? We can talk later . " " Caleb and Wren need you to spend time with them , " she said , turning to look at them . They stood like statues next to me in the living room . " Ariel has his Daddy here . " She darted up the stairs , then abruptly sat down on a step halfway up . " We 'll see about that . " The profile of her chalk - white face showed between the rails of the banister . " I want you to go now . " Alarm suffused the air like a headache . I decided not to call the police . It would upset the children . I walked into the hall and picked up my boots , then sat down on the second step with my back against the wall so I could keep an eye on her . She perched six steps above me like a pale , nervous bird . Ariel climbed up the stairs to sit next to her . " Do you want to see Caleb and Wren ? " She slithered down a few steps and said rapidly , in an undertone , " You won 't see them at all if you insist on this ! " " Yes , I do want to see them . " I spoke slowly and loudly , so the boys would hear and remember . " I want to see all my children . I have three sons . " " Ariel has two Daddies . You can 't deny the first two years of his life . Do you want me to get a custody order ? " I meant to say " court order , " but the tension was so high I was getting rattled . " I already have a custody order . " " And I have visitation rights . " Shock radiated out from the living room where Caleb and Wren still stood frozen . I pulled my laces tight . " It 's within my power on my home turf to keep one of them with me . " Her voice was quaking so badly I could hardly understand her words . Even her lips were white . I put on my coat , slowly . " There is legal reality , and there is visitation rights , " she said , using Amin 's English . " Daniel ! " I corrected . She glared at me like white dust , her face distorted by little tics . I headed down the outside steps , leaving the door open . I briskly walked away - the door slammed like an explosion - and inhaled a cigarette in less time than it took to light it . I took a shortcut through the graveyard , then had to leap over a sharp - pronged cast - iron fence to get out on the other side . I wondered if she 'd carry out her two - boys - or - none threat immediately . I 'd been so sure I 'd get a lot of time with them this week , no matter Carol what . I looked up . I was in front of an old hotel . I sat on a faded couch in the lobby and wrote out the story so far . An old man sat beside me and talked incoherently for a while , then fell asleep . I finished writing to the sound of his snores . A few hours later I called her from Derek 's . " Hi , " I said . " I need to talk to you about what your terms are for visitation and some other things . " " Okay . Let me catch my breath . I 've just been out in the snow . " While I waited , despair and confusion made inroads on my heart . I was being witched . I shifted my attitude to paranoid defense . Strength returned . " All right , I 'm ready . " " I 'm not . afraid . you 'll . kidnap . him . " Each word was like an individual ice cube . She paused to take a breath . " And you can take Caleb and Wren if you tell me where you 're taking them and for how long and bring them home to bed at night . " " Game ? " I shouted . " Ariel is the central issue of the whole marriage and divorce ! " She yelled back , " You can 't tell everybody he 's Amin 's and then expect to come here as his Daddy ! " " Don 't talk to me of truth and lies - " I hung up . I did not have to listen to Carol any more . I wrote out the conversation like a court reporter , getting every word , then sat down at the kitchen table with Debbie , Derek , and his ex - wife Dianne . Derek and Dianne had divorced over Dianne 's affair , but they were better friends now than they 'd been when they were married . They had three little boys the same ages as mine . Debbie was also divorced and had a good relationship with Melissa 's father . " What a select group we are , " I said when I finished telling them the story . " We 're all parents who have contemplated kidnapping as a means of justice . " Derek and Dianne looked at each other , then looked away . I tactfully moved to the living room , where their boys were playing rambunctiously with Melissa . " Where are my children ? " The sudden question was a shout inside my head . I stood awkwardly in the midst of the wrong boys . My head jerked spasmodically from side to side . I scurried to get pen and paper . First , I am a man : I will only see all three of my boys . Second , I am a Daddy : I will see my boys as much as I possibly can , the first condition being met . An ominous calm settled over me . I took a nap while sleep was still possible . The sound of one of Derek 's boys crying on and on woke me in the dark of late afternoon . My jaw ached badly on the left side from grinding my teeth . I knew that meant I had to speak from my left side , of receptivity to feelings and needs . Maybe I could see Caleb and Wren by themselves , just once . I filled up with a bitterness so noxious I felt sick to my stomach . If I gave in to Carol , my gut would kill me ; if I gave in to my gut , Carol would kill me by withholding the boys . That night , after hours of tossing in the dark , I finally found a resolution : I could play with all three boys in her yard . My jaw relaxed with the joy of knowing I would see my sweet children . … The whole world is being cleaned up . I walk up to the Death table and everything moves to the left with " I have an idea how we can avoid conversations like last night , " I said , speaking quickly in case she was about to hang up . " Let 's not argue or explain ourselves to each other . " " I don 't want to talk to you at all . I want you to go through my lawyer . I 'm going to ask him to set up a visitation schedule for the time you 're here . " " Is that really necessary ? As long as we put these limits on our conversation we should be able to talk . My limits are three boys . The only place our limits overlap is in the back yard , since that 's as far as you 'll let Ariel go . So , can I visit the boys in the back yard today ? " " No ! You can 't visit the boys today ! " There was a sharp , black silence . " I 'll ask the lawyer to set up a visitation schedule according to my limits and then you can visit all of them in the house . " " All three of them in the house ? " " Carol , you 're breaking the limits . " Her voice rose to a scream . I hung up . I stood up , saw Caleb in tears of anguish , and was catapulted into a paroxysm of grief . I began to climb the shattered stairs to psychosis - Melissa screamed . I was in the living room reading her a book before she could inhale for the next scream . When I finished it I picked up another one . Derek 's boys gathered around . I read all the kids books until lunch . I played with them all afternoon , making the best of a not - my - ¬ boys day . That evening I put four children to bed , so kindly it made them all glow . I felt like a field of Daddy wheat , cultivated carefully for so many years then left to rot . I could eat only a few lonely bites of shredded wheat the next morning . I wondered what my boys were having for breakfast three blocks away . My spoon clinked loudly against the side of the bowl . I was halfway through the gauntlet of old Halifax . With or without boys , I had to take the bus to Cary and Phyllis 's farmhouse in two days or turn to stone . I called Carol 's lawyer . He wasn 't in . I left a message for him to call me back . I was alone in the house . Dianne , Derek and Debbie were gone for the day , and they 'd taken their wonderful children with them . I paced while I waited for the lawyer to call , kitchen sink to living room window and back again . A few hours later I tried to turn off the dripping faucet and failed . What if she doesn 't let me see them again ? Not even to say goodbye ? My heart roared in a rush of panic . " No - ¬ time , no - time , no - time , " the faucet said as it drip - dripped . I 'd been so sure this week would be chock - full of boys ; even in my worst - case scenarios the disaster came at the end of the week . " No - time ! No - time ! No - time ! " the tap boomed out . I sat down with pen and paper as far away from the faucet as I could get and wrote , The only way I can love the boys is by kidnapping them , but the fact is I do not have a home to put them in . The faucet screamed , " No Time ! " at me from two rooms away . " Hey ! " Every noise in the house went quiet . Even the faucet dripped in a whisper . " Only a mouthful of shredded wheat ! I have to eat ! " As I pulled great quantities of food out of the fridge , I realized I had no need , desire or even the slightest inclination to argue , explain myself , insult her , or change her . Or listen to her . I wasn 't even curious . Susan had been a superb trainer . As I cleaned up the kitchen I heard her lawyer tell me , " Your visitation rights are hereby abrogated . If you wish to contest your wife 's decision you may do so through your lawyer . " I replied out loud to the empty house , " I have no lawyer but I have a last request . I want to say goodbye to my children . " I picked up my pen - red ink blotched all over the page like fresh blood . I phoned her lawyer again . " He just left , " the secretary said . " He won 't be back for an hour or so . " By then it would be too late to see the boys today . I collapsed on the bed - then was up and out the door , my coat half on . I stood on the steps in confusion . I hadn 't decided to leave yet . The door clicked as it locked behind me . A seagull flew above my head . I followed its erratic flight over dirty , snowy streets until I found myself in front of the Tasty Food Restaurant , with a pay phone next to the door . " I 'm sorry , he 's gone for the day , " the lawyer 's secretary said . I drank a cup of tea , wondering what Carol had told her lawyer . As day faded into dark , I slowly walked to Norman 's , six blocks away from Carol 's . I was going to stay with him for the rest of my time in Halifax . My Jewish angel of mercy gave me a good , strong hug , but then a monster of grief materialized from the shadows and hugged me from the inside . My bones wept blood . My nose plugged up as if with cement . Norman , Debbie , Melissa , and I all went out to supper at an Indian restaurant around the corner . An old , drunk cripple tried to follow us , but his crutches got stuck in the door . He swore incoherently as a waiter untangled the crutches and ushered him out . He kept trying to get in , repeatedly falling on the waiter who had to stand guard at the door . As we left the restaurant , I saw him slowly hobbling down the other side of the street on his dirty , battered crutches . I was glad I 'd left my last American dollar for the waiter . Back at Norman 's , I stayed up for a while in the kitchen writing , then turned off the lights to go to bed . As soon as the room plunged into blackness , a neutral voice spoke in my head , as clear as the evening news : " This is the hardest night of my life . " I woke up Norman . " Do you have any scotch ? " He pulled on pants and a shirt , found a bottle and filled us each a glass , then sat down at the kitchen table . I took a sip . Poison . I cleared my throat and told him the story so far . I took a swig , and coughed . " Maybe it 's best for the boys if they never saw me again . " " Listen , Norman , Carol has a life for them here . The cornerstone of that life is Ariel not being mine . What good would it do the boys for me to visit when my very presence attacks the foundation of her world like a jackhammer ? I leave , she puts her world back together , I come back and blow it to pieces . It 's the boys ' world I 'm attacking each time , the one they need to get to adulthood . And that 's the most important thing about child - rearing : getting them to adulthood . " He filled my glass . I drank half of it , coughed , then paced . " I come here , I hurt her , she defends herself by hurting them . If I never come again - " I leaned over the table and jammed my fists into my belly to make myself inhale . " How about some more scotch ? " With a great gasp I finally inhaled . " The only other way is kidnapping . I don 't even have a roof over my own head . " I sat down and held out my glass . He filled it . I drank it all . I didn 't cough . He looked at me sideways , and a few minutes later went to bed . It was 3 : 30 . As soon as I turned out the lights I knew why tonight was the hardest night of my life . Because tomorrow I would take my spirit back from my children . All the rationalizations I 'd made Norman listen to were only fluff next to the fact that tonight was my last night as Daddy . " How much money do you have ? " Norman asked me the next morning . " 50 cents . Why ? " " All right . . . Well , why don 't you suggest something and I 'll propose it to Carol . I understand she doesn 't want to let Ariel out of the house , and there was some kind of scene yesterday . " His voice wrinkled with distaste . I waited next to the phone . When it rang half an hour later I exploded into the air like a startled quail . I landed back on the chair with a great crash and picked up the phone . " Hello ? " " Jim Williams here . I 've just talked to Carol , and you can visit them today , all three of them , in her house , between noon and two o ' clock , as long as you don 't wander about the house because , after all , it is her house , and as long as you agree not to discuss Ariel 's natural parentage . She says if you bring it up and things get emotional you will have to leave . " " You 're welcome , " he said , clearly pleased I 'd thanked him . I danced around the kitchen for a while , then left much too early . I walked aimlessly around Halifax until it was almost noon , then headed over to Carol 's house . I turned the corner onto Wellington Street and thought of Napoleon and his Waterloo . " Daddy 's here ! " I looked up . Caleb and Wren were watching at the living room window . They 'd probably been there for hours . " You mean stay down here in the living room ? " " Yes . " Her voice drifted back from the kitchen . " Okay , " I said to the empty hallway . Caleb and Wren and Ariel jumped all over me and I happily played with my wonderful , beautiful boys . I rubbed my head into Caleb 's tummy until he giggled and yelled , then danced with each boy in my arms in turn . After a while tension began to rise . I sent Wren to check the time . It was only ten to one . My anxiety must have meant it was time to speak . " Sit down , boys . I have to tell you something . " They settled next to me on the couch . " The reason for the divorce is the disagreement - well , the argument - I mean , the fight - that me and Mommy are having - " She hadn 't told them ! " I can 't talk about it or Mommy will kick me out , " I said in a low voice . He quickly looked away . I cleared my throat for the last words I would ever say to them - if it came to that . " Wren , you have to be nice to others , since you already know how to be nice to yourself . " " I am nice to others ! I know that ! " " Of course you are . Well , I guess that 's all , boys . " I was embarrassed to be so dramatic , since I could still play with all of them in the yard tomorrow before my bus to Cary and Phyllis ' . " I 'm going to Marco 's for an overnight , " Caleb said suddenly . " I won 't get back until tomorrow night . " I sank into the couch like an old stone . This was the last time I would see them for this visit . Or forever . Tension rose in a sudden flood . " What were you doing yesterday ? " he asked . " Talking to Mommy 's lawyer . " He fell off the couch . " No , I mean where were you ? " He vigorously rubbed his hurt elbow . She hadn 't told them she wouldn 't let me visit ! I couldn 't deal with it . " I know ! Let 's play bucking bronco ! " I said , and moved the heavy chest from in front of the couch . All three of them froze . " You 're not supposed to move that , " Wren said , with fear on his face . I carefully moved the chest back , thinking how abused children attach to furniture because it 's more reliable than people . I got on my hands and knees in the narrow space between the chest and the Christmas tree . After an uncertain minute , Ariel got on top of me , and the other two followed . I bucked them off and they climbed on again , several times . Wren punched Caleb because he always took the best spot on my back . Caleb punched him back . I shook them off and sat up . " Caleb , why don 't you go get a comic book ? " He raced upstairs . Frantic searching noises went on for several minutes , followed by a loud bang . He came downstairs with a comic in his hand . " Something jumped onto my head , " he said , trying and failing to laugh . His face was pinched with fear . I laboriously read an issue of " Swamp Thing " about a man who keeps returning to the hero to beg for the release of death . There was no way I could be Daddy to these boys as long as they had her for Mommy . Trying to do it was wrenching my bones out of their sockets . The boys got bored with the comic book . So did I . Dispiritedly , I picked up some blocks and started to build a tower . They joined in . My mouth went dry . Now was the time . Whenever I was in position to do it unobtrusively , I touched each boy on the head with my left hand and imagined my projections , dreams , fears , and wishes coming back into me . Something came unstuck from each boy and poured into my left side . I touched them each a second time , imagining taking my " edge " back . Again , something came off each boy and flooded into my left side . The third time , I took back my spirit . When I touched Ariel , he mimicked me and put his left hand on my head , setting up a counterclockwise spin of energy that made us both break out laughing . I had nothing to take back from him , just something to share . That was the first indication I 'd ever had that genetics had any meaning . The towers combined and crashed and rose and fell again and I snatched my spirit back again and again . My left side slowly filled up until it was impossibly swollen . I started putting the blocks away . Caleb helped me . Wren and Ariel jumped on my back and pushed me down into a muddy green feeling that was so dense I could hardly move my limbs . Caleb got on my back and started to fight with Wren . I tilted them all off , then sent Wren to check the time . It was 1 : 30 . I moved to the couch . My hands were freezing , my face flushed hot . " Yes , that 's all . That 's why we got divorced , and that 's why I went away . " " I hate people who have yellow teeth , " he said , darting a glance at mine . " Do you smoke ? I hate people who smoke . " " Today . " I never wanted to see that look on children 's faces for the rest of my life . My heart skipped a beat , then hammered violently to catch up . They followed me into the hallway . I slowly put on my coat , hardly able to move my leaden limbs . They stared up at me , horror and shock on their faces . Ariel grabbed my hand and pulled me toward Carol in the kitchen . When I didn 't move , he let go and ran to her . I laced up my boots . Wren pulled on my hand to get my attention , then said , " But , Amin is Ariel 's Daddy . " Caleb moved down the hall toward the kitchen until he was halfway between me and Carol , then said loudly , " Ariel thinks Amin is his father . " I had to get him off the fence between Carol and me , if I did nothing else . " Ariel has two daddies . Lots of people have two daddies . " " Yes . My other Daddy was a man named Carl Ridd . " I remembered my English Literature professor who 'd asked the class , " What would you do if you knew you were going to die in two weeks ? " I 'd answered , " Only what I wanted to do , " and dropped out of university 13 days later . The guidance of Death he 'd introduced me to was indeed my other father … Carl Ridd … Carol Rid … Carol Ridden … Carol Rid Of … I glanced down the hallway to the kitchen . I could see her profile as she sat at the kitchen table . The lines in her face were cracks of shadow harsh against the dead white of her skin . " Yes . " I drew two overlapping circles on the wall with my wet leather finger . " God is a circle , like this , that halfway overlaps another circle , which is you . So you 're in God 's middle , and God 's in your middle . " I looked at my lines marring Carol 's wall and saw the Writing on the Wall . Something much larger than me had just stepped in and taken over . I hugged them , then looked at them carefully , to memorize their faces . My throat began to close . I abruptly stepped outside and shut the door behind me . I stood stiff on the front step . I wasn 't done yet . " Ariel ! Ariel ! Come say goodbye to Daddy ! " I heard Caleb and Wren yell . I opened the door again just in time to see him come running down the hallway , his cherubic little arms open to hug me . I held him for one precious minute , swept my eyes across the faces of my children for the last time , then shut the door and staggered down the steps . The bright white of the snow hurt my eyes . I closed them and fell into a gasping gloom . I squinted them open , turned left , and hurried on down the sidewalk . I did not turn around . I did not want them to see me crying . I pressed on through the thick snow . Down , down I went , like a rock thrown off a very high cliff , accelerating down into the grief of blood , marrow and bone . I stopped at the end of the longest block in the world , panting heavily . Cigarettes ! I forgot I smoked ! I grabbed at my pockets , frantic . I pulled out an empty pack , crushed it , then stood with it in my hand , unable to let it drop . I would not leave even my litter on her street . I turned around . I was lost . I turned around again . I am no longer a Daddy . Lungs heaving , I turned back the other way . I am still a Daddy , but I have no children . All the streets looked the same . Dizzy , I stumbled , caught myself - " Hey ! " I looked up . " Hey ! " Cary 's car scrunched to a stop in the snow . I hauled open the door and collapsed in the seat . " Camels ? " I squeaked . He handed me an open pack and matches , then pulled away from the curb . I felt better with the smoke , even better the farther we got from Wellington Street . " You just saved my life . " " Good . What 's up ? " His long , narrow face radiated concern . " God ! " I said , overwhelmed by the will of the Lord . Cary pulled into Tim Horton Donuts , came back with two cups of coffee , then drove to the parking lot at the top of Citadel Hill . In the cold quietness overlooking gray , snowy Halifax , I told him the story of seeing my children for the last time , repeating every word of dialogue as it had been said . I could never remember what people wore or even what they looked like , but for the spoken word I was like a tape recorder . He sat like Buddha , facing straight ahead , moving only to take a sip of coffee now and then . The city dimmed in the early dusk . When I finished it was pitch black and extremely cold . Several minutes passed . " I think I need to stay at Norman 's tonight . " " I need a break from all this anyway . " He fired up the car and drove me to Norman 's . " I 'll meet you at the bus station tomorrow . Hang in there . " Norman , Debbie , Melissa , and I all went to a party . I was able to fake it for a few hours . In the middle of a conversation about which part of Halifax was the most historic , my heart stopped beating . It started again with a massive hammering . " Wren is freaking out ! " yelled a voice in my head . I ran to the phone . It rang once . " Wren can 't stop screaming for Daddy . " It rang twice . " His shrieking is ripping her hair out . " It rang a third time . I hung up . I could not under any circumstances speak to her . I snuck upstairs to an empty room and scribbled poetry on a napkin . My heart skipped a beat every now and then , then jackhammered to catch up . A while later it stopped altogether . After an eternity , it frantically started again and ¬ something ripped above my heart . I pushed my fist , hard , against the top of my chest . The lining of the arch of my aorta was tearing . It felt like pressure because that 's all the nerves there can feel . With one hand pressed hard on my upper chest I scribbled poetry , in tiny letters now since the napkin was crowded with my markings . Another friend cornered me . " Carol cut off our friendship just like that , " she said , snapping her fingers . " It made me furious , apart from how mad I feel about the way she 's being about Ariel . " " In anticipation of which Carol cut off your friendship . It 's funny , but I can really understand Carol 's position . This is the only way her world makes any sense . " " Oh , there are ways , " she said , her Southern accent coming on strong . " Listen , don 't give up . Come back and stay with us this summer . " " Well , we 'll see . " I turned away to get my coat . I hurried out to the car through the bitter cold and felt swept out of my old friends ' lives forever . This sermon is stupid . I took my spirit back from my boys today , I 've done enough for one day . I just want to get my shoes on so I can get out of this church . But I can 't find my shoes ! I woke up feeling like a burned - down house . I fixed a bowl of granola and sat down to eat across from Debbie and Melissa . I lifted the spoon to my mouth - " Daddy ! Don 't leave me ! " Wren screamed in the air all around me . My heart stopped . The spoon was stuck halfway to my mouth . My heart slowly contracted , then painfully squeezed out a beat like a bullet . It tore slowly through my coronary arteries , ripping the lining to shreds . The spoon disengaged from my hand and fell in slow motion , bouncing with a long clatter , slowly scattering granola across the floor . I made it to my feet . The chair fell over with a drawn - out crash . I looked at Debbie slowly opening her mouth in shock , then turned and drifted into the dining room , inhaling on one step , exhaling on the next . I focused on my pad of paper lying on the table . I sat down . I forced air into my lungs . My heart clutched , then beat with a tortured bang . The weight on my eyes was trying to shut them , permanently . I picked up the pen and held the point to the paper . It did not move . I added force . The pen made a dot on the paper . I would print , then . I inhaled , and added force . The pen did not move . I would print one letter , then . A " w , " I would print a " w . " I inhaled , used the entire force of my will , and got the first line of the " w . " I exhaled , and felt the sun on my back like a pair of great hands radiating all the peace and love I would ever need . I considered giving up on this impossible " w " and turning around to the sun . " If I turn around I will die , " the voice in my head said . I focused the totality of my existence at the point of the pen , and finished the " w . " Breathing was a tiny bit easier . With a ferocious concentration I printed out the word " weight . " I printed it again . My breathing sped up to panting and I could hardly lift pen off paper between words as I scribbled , Banished by betrayal on top of betrayal I wander like Merlin screaming in the Welsh woods the peasants still hear him screaming whenever the trees moan in the wind he was the Product of the Sexual Union of the Virgin and the Devil and what he is cannot be resolved in the minds of men so fifteen hundred years after he died he screams in the woods like a daddy howling for his sons and denied them forever . With a snap , the pressure and the weight released . I turned around , and the great hands of the sun happily patted my cheeks with love . Norman came in and stood next to me . I leaned my head on his belly and said , " Thank you , Norman , for your great big heart . " " Two - love , " he said . And lose one . He served again . " Three - love , " he said . And lose them all . He served again and I poured my remaining life into returning the ball . " Three serves one , " he said . And one serves none . I 'm no boy 's Daddy and I 'm no man 's son . The words blazed across my mind like the trail of a jet in an empty sky . In the shocked interior silence that followed , my body went all funny . I could hardly finish the game . Half an hour later I climbed on the bus and left Halifax forever , wondering if I would howl in the woods to the end of my days . At the little town of Wolfville in the Annapolis Valley , Cary 's long arms pulled me bedraggled off the bus and into a good strong hug . He drove me directly to a New Year 's party . I wandered around like a refugee . Cary found me , handed me a beer . I took a sip , then looked up . On the wall facing me was a large oil painting of the backs of two boys standing side by side as they looked out over a meadow at the trees in the Nova Scotia distance . Caleb and Wren could have modeled for it . The backs of the boys ' necks and arms , the difference in height between the older boy and the younger one , even the hair color and haircuts were exactly right . All I could do was stare . Drunken dancers flickered between me and the painting on the wall . From time to time I 'd enter deep confusion , and questions would roar through my mind . Where are my boys ? Why aren 't they with me ? I 'd teeter on the edge of suicidal grief , and Cary would show up , every time . He 'd stand between me and the painting , touch me somewhere , tell me what else was going on . There was some yelling and whistling . Shortly after that , he took me by the arm and guided me to the car . Maybe when Wren asked me to guess how old he was , I 'd said 19 because that was how old he 'd be when he found me . Caleb might be too scared of finding me to begin to look . Ariel would have long forgotten me by then . The deep , quiet black of the country dark closed over me like the lid of a coffin . © 2007 Daniel John Contact Me |
It may be work , it may be play , it may be near , it may be away . So here is the challenge - to shoot and post one photograph a day on this site . These photographs are a kind of diary of things I find interesting . I am also thinking that there will be days when I am unable to shoot , so on those infrequent occasions , I will post a photograph done on another day , but one that still feels important to me . - Ken Spencer Happy New Year ! You can see that the kitty is SO excited about the arrival of the new year - you can see it in her eyes , and the smile on her face . She jumped up on the coffee table to celebrate ! We hope you have a wonderful New Year , all of us ! Another " aerial photo " of people , this time from the Getty Museum . OK , so we are back in New York , but I have a lot of photos from California , so I will post them for the next few days . I will show more photos from the Getty , my favorite place in Los Angeles . There are photos everywhere . There are several levels of plazas and multiple stairways and balconies looking off in all directions - the views are spectacular . So I was idly looking down at the lawn and gardens below , late in the afternoon , and saw this young girl starting to run . Fortunately , I was ready , and managed to get one nice shot . So this is the second part of the Benice Cafe story . This is the building itself . The first thing to note is that the word " Benice " sounds like the city of " Venice " but if you break it down , it also can say " Be Nice . " How wonderful is that ! It is lovely both outside and inside , with morning sunlight streaming in through the windows and on to the tables . The cafe is not fancy at all , and that too , is part of its charm . And the service is sunny as well . Bacon and eggs , or omelets and hot buttered sourdough toast , and steaming hot coffee and conversations with good friends . There is a remote chance that it will survive , and we certainly hope so , but things are not looking good . OK , so this is a long story , and this post is Part One . Liz has a group of friends who get together for lunch on Tuesdays once in a while , and so they call themselves the " Tuesdaters , " One of their favorite places to eat is the " Benice Cafe . " Interesting that " Benice " is in " Venice . " We have eaten breakfast there several times . Awesome ! Anyhow , Benice may be gone before long , which is terribly sad . It has to do with stuff like leases and things like that . So I decided I would take a photo of the group , and the owner , for the sake of posterity . The owner is in the middle of this group shot , wearing glasses . Her name is Elan , but I don 't know if it is spelled that way , and she is delightful . More tomorrow . . . When we were at the beach yesterday , after walking around for a while , some of us stretched out on the sand to relax and soak up some rays , and even snooze just a bit . When we got up , some of us found out that we had been lying on sand that was slightly damp . Liz was one of those , so she was trying to figure out a way to dry her jacket . Then she came up with the idea of twirling the jacket around to see if that would dry it out at all . The wonderful thing is , that she decided to do this at sunset , so that made for an interesting shot ! I am not sure how much dryer the jacket got . We did a lot of walking today , including around the Venice canals , and then we came down to the Venice pier and walked out over the beach and the Pacific Ocean . It is absolutely beautiful at the beach , with the mountains in the distance . I was watching people in the distance , strolling along on the wet sand . Then I noticed one couple who was approaching and I moved over so I would be above them when they walked under the pier . I photographed them from further away , and then got this last photo just before they disappeared under me . It feels to me that it is a bit more than just a straight photo - it seems a bit cosmic in some way - as if they are walking into the future , perhaps . On the way to the beach yesterday , Amy pointed out this rooftop on a home just a stone 's throw from Venice Beach . The building is three stories high . We know nothing at all about who lives here , or who made these statues , or anything else . Zero . All we can do is be amazed that someone took the time to do this . Sorry for not knowing more about this . Some things in life are supposed to be a mystery . We went off to church at 6 O ' Clock , and then after the service , we took part in our annual family tradition of Christmas Eve dinner in a Chinese restaurant . We were trying to figure out how long ago this ritual started , but we couldn 't remember exactly . anyhow , we had a really delicious dinner , and then suddenly Amy put this package on the table in the restaurant . She said it was a family present , for all of us . So because of that , we all put our hands on it to open it . I thought : " Hey , that 's a shot ! " So here it is . The present ? A board game . Games are another tradition in our family . This one is called " Catch Phrase " and we have had fun playing it tonight . I hope you all have a Merry Christmas , as we are ! We went to the Huntington Library , which consists of a Library , Art Collections , and a Botanical garden . This was our first visit to this amazing place . There is so much to see that we only scratched the surface with our visit today . We did spend most of the time in the gardens . The Chinese garden is particularly beautiful , with multiple bridges , courtyards and buildings . There were pictures everywhere . But when I looked up and saw this one , it really touched me - Liz and Amy are masters of hand - holding their cameras in order to do portraits of themselves wherever we go someplace special . And there they are , at it again . Aren 't they beautiful ! We woke up this morning to a sunny day in California . I loved seeing the shadows of plants on the venetian blinds in the room . Then I saw the flowers through the missing blinds . I know who did this . Tarzan did . Tarzan is Gus 's cat and rules the roost here . He is a beautiful long - haired cat . Tarzan likes to look outdoors - I have been in this room and seen him come in and paw the blinds open so he could see what was going on outside . Amy said that he kept pawing them until several of them broke and so she removed several of the blinds . So now we can see the flowers outside . And Tarzan can see outside as well . I really love the shadows - I think that those are really subject of this photograph . New York to Los Angeles covers a distance of 2475 miles , and encompasses an amazing variety of landforms as seen from the air . But this scene topped them all . I think it was on the border of Nebraska and Kansas , and most of the ground was brown , but there was a narrow swath of snow running east to west for maybe a hundred miles , and it was maybe 20 to 30 miles wide . I never realized a storm could be this localized . Anyhow , what caught my eye at first were brown fields with straight lines of snow on one edge . I guess the snow had drifted because of the winds . A bit further along this came into view . I am assuming that some of the wavy lines had to do with contour ploughing , but I can 't be sure . It feels as if this is some kind of a child 's collection of blocks . To me , it is an astounding image . Well , I made my annual batch of Gingerbread cookies ! Yummm . . . This is a fairly old New England recipe - my grandmother got it from her friend , and passed it along to my mom and she passed it along to my sisters and I . I am guessing that the recipe is 80 or 90 years old . And if you ever have one of these cookies , you will be ruined for life ! There are generous portions of the spices and molasses that make up this recipe , and it is so much better than commercial gingerbread cookies that you buy . You make the dough , and then refrigerate it for an hour , then divide it up and roll it out , and use cookie cutters to make the cookies . That cutter that looks like a Dutch girl ? I made that outline years ago , but I have no idea what it was based on . It is certainly not " a gingerbread man . " It doesn 't matter - one taste and you will be hooked forever ! Do you remember the four pieces of Lilac bush trunk , and how I was not sure why the scene appealed to me ? Well This is another instance of that , I am afraid . I got out of the car , and saw the sunlight on this scene , which included some dead pieces of bush that snapped off . There is something about the light in this - the fact that it is coming directly over my shoulder - the kind of lighting I would usually not use because it is considered " flat . " But there are exceptions to everything . I think this is also about little patches of color and texture in various places in the image . Are you tired of my night shots by now ? I am . So I found this sunny - feeling picture from a month or so ago . I saw it at the end of my bike ride . It was the single cloud that jumped out at me . It was just lovely against the blue sky . The thing that really clinched it was that somehow that single cloud was illuminated by sunlight , making it glow , unlike all the other clouds . Left me with a kind of mystical feeling . It feels as if the tree is reaching out to the cloud . I think this photograph is much more significant than I first thought it was . I shot this with the iPhone , believe it or not . I got a late train out of Penn Station the other night after the concert . It arrived here in Glen Head at about a quarter after midnight . As I was walking down the platform I saw this crossing gate illuminated by the sodium vapor lights , giving the scene a strange reddish cast . I think that was what first made me stop to look more carefully at the scene . I had to struggle with the composition - there was a telephone pole very close so I did shots including it , and then excluding it . Then I spent a LOT of time trying to decide whether or not I liked the black and white version better . That was a struggle . I decided I liked the strange red light best . But the bad part is , there is no train ! I think this picture would be much better if the train was disappearing in the distance . Duh ! I may go try this photo all over again , and get the train next time . On the way to the Beacon Theater the other night , I was walking down Broadway and saw one of those plywood walls surrounding a site . You know the ones - they always say " Post no bills . " So I was curious what was behind the walls . I saw some heavy timbers along the edge of the street , so I climbed up on them to gain some altitude and to get a better view . This is the best I could do . It appears that these buildings are about to be torn down . What is interesting is to see how decrepit the fronts of the buildings are . I almost wonder if there were false fronts on the stores that have now been removed . I do think that this photo has a spooky feel to it with the three illuminated windows higher up . I love to photograph industrial ruins . Oh wait , you already know that . I know these are not ruins . Yet . This was the Long Island Lighting Lighting Company for nearly forty years and has been here since before I moved here in 1966 . It has been managed by something called " National Grid " the last eight years or so . It was recently announced that it will be shut down and demolished ! Wow ! This is only half the facility - there is a huge brick building with more smokestacks on it , to the left of these structures . I think these boilers are newer than those in the brick building . It will be unimaginable that these structures will be gone one day . Oh , and one other thing - this company pays a fortune in school taxes to the community . It is going to hurt when we have to make up the difference . One of my new favoritist groups EVER is " The National . " I heard them do one number on Letterman about a year ago , and heard " something " in their music that grabbed me . So I asked Liz if she knew about them , and she sent me a few tracks . Then I got " Boxer " - one of their albums , and it was amazing . Then I got their newest album " High Violet " and it was astounding . I don 't know anything about music , really , but their songs are very musical , and complex musically , and some of the songs do what Amy describes as giving her " The Chills . " The National does that for me , so I got a ticket for their performance tonight at the Beacon Theater in Manhattan . The venue is relatively small and really nice , their music is great and their performance was wonderful ! So glad I got to see them live . I have done photographs of the destruction of the old Roslyn Viaduct , and the construction of the new one . I have been looking forward to photographing the finished bridge once all the construction equipment was moved away . I went by there today , and unfortunately there is still a lot of construction stuff around that ruins any attempt at a beautiful photograph . I wandered around , looking for some angle or composition that would not include the junk . I happened to glance up and saw this amazing abstraction with much of the structure in shadow , and only a narrow strip illuminated by the afternoon sun . I was stunned by how beautiful this was . I was also surprised that I didn 't have to move more than a foot to get the perfect composition ! We have decided to put up some decorations , but are not sure what would be appropriate . So I have spent a lot of time driving around looking for good examples to follow . I think I found my favorite . This is about a mile from our house . Of course , it takes a lot of time to put up something this complex . I know that having done stories on people who " do " their houses , many of them start planning in July for December . So I am late to the starting line . I guess I will have to tone it down a bit , at least this year . We went to another Christmas party this afternoon with friends who we met when our kids were in school together . That was a long time ago . Anyhow , I met one of the grandchildren and was told that he loved science . He is 12 years old . I forget how the conversation with him started , but somewhere along the line I told him I built a telescope , and he was surprised , and asked how I did it . So we got a piece of paper , and I started drawing the telescope I built . He was fascinated , so I then explained about two different kinds of telescopes how they both worked . He still seemed interested so I spent some time talking about astronomy . Then I remembered I had a pair of binoculars in the car , and Jupiter was in the sky , so we went outside and I showed him where it was . He was able to see Jupiter and two of its moons , and he thought that was pretty cool . A couple of hours later he got to look at the rising full Moon . Here is the best part - I promised I would bring my telescope back to their house , at the next first quarter moon , and show everyone the Moon and Jupiter . Now THAT will be cool ! So our astronomy club had its Holiday party tonight , a yearly event for us . It 's always nice to gather with friends and have plenty of time to talk with each other . Of course everyone has to take photographs of everyone else seated at their tables . There were flashes going off all over the place - it seems as if everyone is a photographer . So while they were taking our photo I decided to take theirs . Always great to have my toy camera on my belt ! So we have this routine . The kitty waits outside the bathroom door while I take a shower . Then she runs into the bedroom , and jumps on the corner of the bed closest to the door . Then she sits . And stares . At me . Because she is waiting for me to scratch her behind her ears . So I carry out my part of the bargain , and scratch her behind the ears , then under her chin , and she purrs . And her day is complete . The sun was shining in the south window today , through the opening in the curtains , and it silhouetted the kitty on the wall . I know , you want to know which kitty this is . I haven 't a clue . . . I take the subway up from Penn Station to Times Square then walk over a block to get to the International Center of Photography . As I was passing through Times Square I saw this video camera on a tripod and lighting setup . So I stopped and watched for a few minutes , and before long the man began to talk . I couldn 't see any sign of what this was for and I didn 't recognize the speaker . I do know that this kind of thing is called a " standup " where a reporter on a story ends up filming himself talking , instead of filming the scene . So that 's all I know . And this may not even be a reporter on a storhy . I should have asked more questions ! The weather around here has been wonderful for nearly a week , with fog every morning . What is interesting and different is that the fog on the water stayed around for most of the day , but it was a fog bank out over the water . Late in the afternoon I decided to take a look at the Sound from Memorial Park in Sea Cliff which is very high up overlooking the water . I was stunned that the fog was still there . And what was really cool was the way that it was absent from the harbor , but at the tip of Sands Point , it had moved in and enveloped the tips of the peninsula . It looked as if it was the dawn of time . Please click on the image to see it in more detail . I went to the city today to see the photo exhibits at the International Center of Photography . Found all kinds of interesting photos along the way . But when I left ICP and stepped into the street , I saw this . Twilight in Manhattan . The city is magical , at this hour , on a gray and drizzly day . In fact it is magical at so many times . It always recharges my batteries to go there . Makes me feel more connected to the world . We had surprise visitors yesterday ! We received a call from Chris , and he and Angela had to come to Long Island for a funeral , so we offered them a place to stay overnight . This was not the best time for them to travel - Angela had JUST had surgery on one of her feet , so the last thing she needed was a long ride in a car to get from Baltimore to here . We did make it worth their while with a nice dinner Sunday night , and some home - made bran muffins washed down with my legendary coffee made from beans I roasted here at home . So bright and early this morning they headed out for a long day at the funeral , then a family gathering , and after all that , they head back to Baltimore late in the day ! Whew ! I can 't stop looking at these four pieces of tree trunk . You have seen them in another post , surrounded by beautiful fall leaves . There is SOMETHING about these pieces that I can 't let go of . They are from a Lilac tree that I planted about 30 years ago . About six months ago I cut away the dead wood , and these are pieces from that . What attracts me to them , is that the branches have a twist to them . I laid them down together , because they fascinated me . I could have just thrown them out , but I didn 't . I walk by them every day , and I have photographed them several times , but I can 't seem to put my finger on what it is that I am trying to show . But I keep trying different views , different compositions , from close to far , and in different light . This closer view seems to be the right one , but I can 't tell you why . Anyhow , here they are , and they are still a mystery to me . You might want to click on the image to see it in more detail . Christmas Cookies ! It 's that time of year , and these are the first ones done . Very fancy this year . In fact , they are so fancy , that you should be able to tell that I didn 't make these - Kathy did . But guess is going to help eating them ? Yes , you got that right . I test one about every 15 minutes , just to be sure they measure up , and because I am the quality - control officer for things like this . I still have some pictures from my urban exploration project . This room was in the building I photographed from outside and posted a couple of weeks ago . It apparently was a plumbing supply room - thats what the bins on both sides of the room are for . There were some fittings left in some bins . I love the light in this room but it was contrasty , so I did several exposures and combined them to show more detail . The processing is called " HDR " for High Dynamic Range , for those of you who are technically inclined . When I stopped to photograph the trees yesterday I leaned my bike up against a fence that was covered with vines . Curious , I tried to look over the fence , but it was difficult . I grabbed my iPhone and held it up over the fence , and I could see the view . So I shot this . This property was going to be developed , so the owner cut down a lot of trees and removed brush put up a fence , and then they discovered that the property at one time had some kind of industry on it and was in fact polluted . Wow . So the land has been untouched for several years , and these vines have completely taken over . A very strange landscape . Does this scene look cold ? Guess what - it was cold ! This is the last mile of my bike ride each day , and today it was cold and windy , and the sky was a blue - gray in color , which only seemed to emphasize the cold . Brrrrrrr . . . . And why am I complainging ? It was 49 degrees at the time . Of course that is warm compared to 32 degrees , which I will soon be riding in . But it is cold compared to 90 degrees in the summer , which I actually don 't mind . I know I have photographed this scene before , and posted it on the blog . But I wanted to show you this version because of the color of the sky . I have a number of photographs left over from my urban archaeology field trip two weekends ago . I am gradually editing the shoot , and there are a lot of photographs to look through . As you know , I love landscapes , both beautiful scenic ones , and industrial ones like this . The abandoned power plant is in the distance , and a loading dock for a building in the foreground . I love the foreground / background here - it makes the photograph more three - dimensional and has more interest , in my opinion . The original photograph is in color , but the color was distracting , so I converted it to black & white which emphasizes the form of the structures more . So today I sing the praises of an unknown photographer , from a long time ago . And it is also in praise of a time when quality and craft really mattered . My sister loaned me several photographs of my mother and her twin sister to make copies of . I chose this one of the three as being the most elegant . Look how beautiful this image is , and how it has been carefully composed and lit with care . It is such a delight to contemplate the artistry and quality of this . There is no date on this . The inscription embossed on the mat says " Crosby , 831 Chapel Street , New Haven , Conn . " Credit where credit is due . My friends Adam and Jessica are home from college for Thanksgiving , and we managed to get together for coffee today , which was wonderful . Actually I was the only one having coffee . We talked for three hours non - stop about school , and life , and astronomy , and engineering and who knows what else . What a great time . I have missed them being off at college , even thought they are only an hour away here on Long Island . The cool thing is that they brought a SONY PSP with a game on it , and I had never seen one of those in use , so they were showing me how it worked . Looks like they are having fun with it . Now I want one ! We stopped at Joan 's on the way home from Massachusetts , because I needed to pick up a bowl of Indian Pudding that she and Betsey saved for me from Thanksgiving Day . I LOVE Indian Pudding , and in our family we only had it twice a year , at Thanksgiving and Christmas . Anyhow , I stopped to pick up my pudding and saw these chairs on the porch . There was something about the white chairs and the white walls - a kind of sparse still life that speaks to me of New England . Late in the afternoon I took a walk around the house here in Attleboro , looking for photographs . I photographed a few things , but then saw these decorative grasses against the twilight sky . It feels as if this photograph has a different feeling than so many of my other photographs . I like how this looks , and I like that it is different , and I love the feeling of a November twilight on a crystal clear day . These are called decorative grasses , and this one , in particular , is called " Miscanthus sinensis " - I just know that some of you out there would like to know the scientific name for this . Of course , I could be wrong . . . In that case , please feel free to correct me ! This is the beautiful Finley , all of 4 months old , the daughter of Pat and Bethany . The last time I photographed her , she was still being carried by Bethany , her mom , and I photographed them both on the chaise lounge in the back yard . So this is exciting for us because this is the first time we have seen her in person . She is such a happy baby , and is always smiling , and lively - note that she is a bit blurry in this photo . I should have used a higher shutter speed . You would think I would know this by now ! I decided that I should use the photo anyway , because her character shines in this image , even if it is not perfectly sharp . So that 's my excuse . . . We are in Attleboro , Mass , in the heart of New England , at Pat & Bethany 's for Thanksgiving with family from upstate New York and Baltimore , Maryland . When we drove in this morning , on a rainy misty day , this stone wall jumped out at me right away . When I was growing up , I would visit my grandfather 's farm , and all the fields were ringed with these old stone walls built by hand from rocks which came to the surface after plowing each spring . These walls were all covered with lichen , and seeing this brought back so many wonderful feelings of visiting the old farm . Together with family at Thanksgiving - the only place to be . I spent yesterday raking leaves in the yard . I actually hated to rake the beautiful red and yellow leaves from underneath the Japanese maple tree , but it was time . In the process , I did a quick job raking leaves out of parts of the gardens around the house . That is what brought me here to this garden , and this plant . I love the beautiful subtle color of Dusty miller . And the shape of the leaves , if that is what they are called , resemble snowflakes in their shape . Just a lovely plant . I spent a while with various different compositions , both close and further away , and settled on this closer view . So this is one of the subjects of our photographs on Sunday . It appears to be some kind of workshop , but it was hard to tell . It is two stories high . It is in pretty bad shape , in that half the roof has completely collapsed onto the second floor , and we could see from outside that the floor is rotted . I say we could see these conditions from outside , because of course we would never go inside an abandoned building like this . It is amazing how overgrown it is with vines , and it has been that way for a really long time . I have two closeup photographs of vines on the outside that I will have to post eventually , because they are so interesting . Had a cool " field trip " today with a friend of mine from the astronomy club . We went out photographing and doing some " urban archaeology . " That is a euphemism for exploring abandoned buildings . To be accurate , we spent most of the day wandering around and photographing the outsides of different buildings at a former mental hospital . Many of these buildings are slated for demolition in the spring . Twenty years ago I did a photo essay , which took me several months to complete , about the architecture of abandoned mental hospitals on Long Island . At that time I had the luxury of access to the insides of all the buildings . Today it was different , since this was not an official visit . So my friend and I had to arrange our own access . You 're looking at it ! We got a lot of great photos , and I will , of course , be sharing them with you . With luck , this will not turn into Urban Archaeology Week ! This old Dogwood was here when we bought the house forty years ago . It was flourishing then , but it has slowly lost branches to whatever the blight is that is killing Dogwood trees . I have tried to take care of it , but there is not much anyone can do when these trees have this disease . Anyhow , some of the branches still bear leaves . The leaves have fallen off any live branches by now . I do like the shapes of the branches , and to me what makes this photograph is the design of the branches - the different shapes . And maybe the sense that the tree is reaching for the heavens , like the arms of the Joshua trees do . I was at the Cradle of Aviation the other day for the training class for Project Astro . You already know that . Anyhow , when I left the building I looked up while walking under the entrance covering and stopped in my tracks . What grabbed me was the dramatic color difference between the warm lighting in the entrance and the deep blue sky at dusk . There is a time of day , at dusk , called " The Blue Period . " I think that when I first heard of this , I saw it described in French . In any case , once I knew the term , I look for it at that time of day . And here it is ! I walked across the porch this morning , to go get the newspaper , and when I got to the front steps , this is what I saw ! There is a day each year , when a majority of the leaves of the Japanese maple fall . They gently blanket the ground under the tree , and they are brilliant in their color . Today was that morning . I was just stunned with how beautiful it was . You will notice that there several pieces of wood in the middle of the photo . These are dead pieces of a lilac tree that I cut off in the spring . They are interesting because they are twisted , so I left them there , thinking that one day I might make a picture of them . Well , today was the day for the branches , as well as the leaves . It started raining later in the day , and now the leaves are soggy and matted down , and the magic moment is gone . I posted a larger than normal image , so please click on this to see it in greater detail . Had an interesting day today . I am taking part in a program called " Project Astro , " where an astronomer is teamed up with a school teacher and they work together three times during the year to teach astronomy . I am really excited about this project . Today we had a training with a group of astronomers , and a group of teachers working together . Various class projects were talked about and demonstrated . Then we tried the exercises ourselves . This one is " Modeling Moon Phases " where we took a ping - pong ball and watched the effect of light on it , as if were the moon revolving around the Earth in a month , changing phases . I came out on the front porch in the morning , to get the newspaper , and this sight stopped me in my tracks ! What is interesting is that this photo was taken on a sunny day . It doesn 't look like it , except for the sharp shadows of the plant on the white porch . This is a plant that has been on the front porch all summer along . There is a basket of dark pink flowers up above , and then these long stringy things that hang down . They are green - gray in color for most of the season , but have turned just plain gray now . I , of course , don 't have the faintest idea of what plants these are . But you don 't come here for horticultural information - I am sure of that ! In any case the reason the background is black on a sunny day is because it is the shady side of the Japanese maple tree in the distance , and is what gives this image the spooky feeling . I like this photo a lot - it has a completely different feeling from any other garden photo I have ever done . Well at least today 's photo isn 't fall color again . Of course , it is me again . . . I promise , no more pictures of me for a long time . But I am excited today ! I have been meaning to get back to flying for about a year now . I need to do a lot of studying for my biennial flight review . Stuff like airspace , weather and forecasts , aircraft performance , and FAA regulations among other knowledge . So until I have done all my studying , I wasn 't planning on flying . The biennial consists of an informal written and oral exam , and then several hours of time in the airplane with an instructor . But I realized that I was really missing flying - it must have been sitting in the cockpit of that Thunderbolt ! So I today I just scheduled time in an airplane with an instructor . I haven 't really flown in four years , so a lot of things seemed a bit foreign to me , but my flying skills , according to the instructor were not bad . It was great to be back in the air again ! I have had to wait for fall color for so long this year . Now that it is here , I am seeing pictures everywhere . This is the Japanese maple , and I see it from this angle every time I pull into the driveway . I saw it the day before yesterday and did some pictures , but the Sun had moved too far west to illuminate the whole branch . Imagine my happiness when today , earlier in the day , I saw that the branch was completely illuminated . I tried some subtle differences in composition before deciding on this view . During my bike ride today , I was grinding my way up the mile - long hill when I saw this gorgeous red japanese maple kind of all by itself in the woods in front of someone 's home . But I had a hill to climb , so I did a dangerous thing - I didn 't stop ! Then I immediately worried that the light might change by the time I came back down the hill . Dumb thing to do , passing a picture like that . The rule is always STOP NOW ! Well I didn 't but I was in luck . I finished the ride to the top , turned around and raced half way to the bottom , and the orange sunlight was still on the tree ! Whew ! Just brilliant color , the combination of the red leaves and the orange light . |
Gyro accidents happen for many reasons . They happen to novice pilots and also to high time pilots . Sometimes the accident is caused by someone wanting a picture of the gyro in flight . Inattention is another frequent cause of accidents . An example of inattention is the pilot who was fatally injured when he flew into power lines while being photographed from the ground . Well , I guess you could say that particular accident was caused by two reasons ; a camera and inattention . But as mentioned , all manner of things can cause an accident . Poor flight planning can be a reason for an accident . I am guilty not doing a thorough job of flight planning years ago when I went on a cross country flight in my gyro . I had neglected to check the runway condition of a field where I planned to land . I had landed there years before and at that time the small strip was well maintained and in good condition but in the intervening years the asphalt had suffered greatly and there were deep chuck holes all over the runway . Fortunately for me , the wind was blowing about 30 mph . and that allowed me to make a no roll landing thus avoiding running into a chuckhole . The high wind allowed for an almost vertical takeoff when I departed , again avoiding the holes in the runway . If there had been no wind I could not have landed there safely as a landing roll or takeoff run was not possible because of the holes in the runway . And if I had to fly to an alternate airport I would have had a major problem as I didn 't have enough fuel to make it to the next airport . As I said , it was poor flight planning and is an example of what could cause a gyro accident . If there had been an accident I could have been cited by the FAA because it is an FAA rule that the condition of the runway to be used be checked prior to departing on a cross country trip . Recently a gyro pilot friend with some years of gyro flying experience crashed his gyro . His accident was one of those that shouldn 't have happened but it did . My friend was not injured but his gyro was totally dPosted by I didn 't realize it but I was spoiled . You see , the engine I have on my gyro was never meant to carry man or woman in flight . It was designed for the military during World War 2 to power small drone aircraft that towed target banners for pilots to practice shooting at . It was meant for one flight period . Along came a bunch of gyro pilots looking for a small lightweight affordable engine to use on their gyrocopters . The pilots found the small powerful McCulloch engine in military surplus stores , in garages and just about everywhere . Of course , most of the engines had bit the dust when the aircraft they powered was shot down . But , the good thing about the engine , it was affordable . Most could be purchased for about $ 200 or less . As most of the pilots in our group were young folks with small children , the small price of the engine fit our small budgets . Gyro pilots bought the surplus engines , learned what to do to make it airworthy and flew it . It weighed 70 pounds and came in 72 and 90 horse power versions . The weight to power ratio was loved by gyro pilots , me included . Down through the years modern engines came on the scene and many pilots adapted them to their gyros but some pilots still loved and flew the McCulloch . I was one of them . To start the engine that didn 't have a starter , one had to pull the propeller through . That means to turn the prop fast by hand . That isn 't something for the faint of heart to do . It is a dangerous procedure and there are many gyro pilots missing a finger or two who can attest to that last statement . But with my husband always there to start or ' prop ' the engine for me , I never gave a starter a thought . To fly , all I had to do was suit up and sit on the seat and Docko would prop the engine and start it for me . As I said , I was spoiled . Fast forward . . . Docko passed away , I retired from flying then 12 1 / 2 years after his passing I started flying the gyro again . Now getting my engine started became a big problem for I only knew two gyro pilots who knew how to prop the engine and thePosted by My buddies , Lucky on the left , Buddy , center and Connie on the right . Lucky came to us as a young puppy about six years ago . My son Dave said , " there is a small dog outside our fence " . Later that day he said , " The small dog has made her way inside the fence . Do you want to keep her ? " I had two dogs and didn 't need or want another one . My son had recently lost his 13 year old Princess to cancer and he wasn 't ready for another dog . So , it was decided that Dave would take the little dog to the animal shelter in a few days . On the appointed day he and the little black dog started out but he was back home within a few minutes . . . " I just couldn 't do it " , he said . " She is part pit bull and they will put her down " . So , Lucky as he named her , got a stay of execution and a good home . Over the next two years I had to put both of my elderly dogs down . Suddenly I was without a dog as Lucky belonged to my son . My heart yearned for another Doberman as one of my long time companions that I had to put down was a wonderful Dobbie named Vokie . I finally found two , a brother and sister , pure bred Doberman pups for sale and in no time had purchased the male puppy . It bothered me to leave his little sister all alone in the big yard . For a week I couldn 't get that little female Doberman out of my mind so I ended up going back and buying her . Oh boy ! did I have my hands full with two seven week old puppies . They chewed up everything in sight . The bedspread I used as a couch cover looked like swiss cheese when they got through chewing on it . I ended up putting my boots up on top of the book case about six feet above the floor to keep them out of the pups reach . They played and wrestled all over the house and claimed every comfortable piece of furniture as their own . Pottie train them to go outside ? ? ? It 's a job training one but two is a real challenge . And then there was the ear trimming which was it 's own nightmare . Imagine two young pups with their ears wrapped and both having to wear large plastic collars to prevent damage to thePosted by Britta is quite a gal , a real go - getter as a matter of fact . She is rated in fixed wing , in helicopters , and in gyroplanes . She is currently working on her commercial helicopter rating and in time plans to become a Gyro CFI . Good for her ! In the picture Britta is standing beside her single place Air Command gyro . The photo was taken at the 2008 fly - in on El Mirage dry lake . From that ear to ear grin I 'd say she just landed from a good gyro flight ! Britta is also part owner of a two place tandem Air Command which she will use for flight training when she gets that all important Gyro CFI certificate . She is just what the gyro community needs . This year for the first time ever , PRA ( Popular Rotorcraft Association ) recognized women gyro pilots . . . they asked Britta to head up a forum at the PRA convention at Mentone on Women in Gyroplanes . There were only four women gyro pilots at the time but it 's a start . Connie O ' Connor was one of the ladies working on the ' women in gyros ' forum and she put together a very nice video of the women gyro pilots . I think that with Britta 's enthusiasm that other women will be attracted to the gyro when she starts instructing . Britta and her husband Mark and their two Border Collies live in Ariizona . She and Mark are regulars to the annual Ken Brock Fly - in that is held on the El Mirage dry lake the last weekend of September . Last year they brought Britta 's Air Command to the fly - in and she put some good flying on the machine . Their gyro trailer only holds one gyro so this year Mark 's gyro made the trip and Britta 's Air Command stayed home . Earlier this year , Mark flew his gyro , which is his own design based on the Dominator , from their other home in Iowa to the gyro fly - in at Mentone . That was quite a trip . Britta and Mark . . . gyro pilots both and they are both good for gyros ! Till next time . Marion Springer Posted by It is vitally important that the gyro be balanced properly , or in other words , the CG ( center of gravity ) must be right . To have the machine out of CG and fly in a nose up condition is very dangerous and the same is true for an extreme nose down attitude . So to be sure the CG is correct , the the gyro is is given a hang test . When the gyro is constructed , it is given a hang test before the first flight . If later on changes are made to the gyro , such as adding or removing weight or modifying the gyro then it must have another hang test before flight . In the photo above my friend , Teddy Udala , is preparing for Dave Bacon , another gyro pilot friend to do a hang test on Teddy 's gyro . Teddy built the gyro awhile back then decided to make some changes such as shortening the mast , lowering the seat , and several other modifications , thus the need for a hang test to see if the center of gravity had changed . So , early one morning before the wind came up we took Teddy 's gyro the the gate - way and winched the machine up off the ground . Teddy then got into the seat . Teddy 's gyro is based on the Bensen design and as such it is supposed to hang between 0 and 3 degrees nose down for the CG to be correct . To do the hang test , the pilot sits in the seat of the gyro with all wheels off the ground and holds the control stick centered . . . that puts the torque tube ( which is up under the rotor head ) in a level attitude . The nose down angle is measured at the back of the mast by someone , in this case , Dave Bacon , holding an angle finder against the mast and reading where the needle points . Teddy 's CG came out at 3 degrees nose down . So it was within CG limits . Had it not been in CG he would have had to make new head plates to get the CG right . Teddy was saved a lot of work because nothing had to be changed on his gyro . . . it was ready to fly . My Bensen gyro had recently had a starter and a battery added to the gyro . . . that came to a total of 30 pounds that was added to the machine . I feared the worst . I thought it would be so out of CG thPosted by I was a little under the weather for awhile so haven 't posted in awhile . I think I was down from breathing all the smoke ( with ashes falling all over everything ) during the raging forest fires in So . Ca . awhile back . The closest the fires were to us was about 40 miles but the smoke was so heavy here at times that we couldn 't see more than a quarter of a mile . Last weekend we had the Ken Brock Freedom fly - in on the El Mirage dry lake . The number of visitors was down from better times . Hopefully the economy will be better next year . As far as gyro flying goes , it was a safe fly - in with no accidents . But we lost a fellow gyro pilot on Saturday due to a motorcycle accident . He was Mike Shallmann of Arizona . The photo above is Mike taxiing his gyro in from a flight earlier on the day of the bike accident which took his life . Mike went riding just before dusk on a BMW motorcycle and ventured into an area where the lake bed is rough with small dirt mounds all over . Most of the lake is smooth as a table top but there are rough areas and that 's where the accident happened . Apparently he hit a couple of dirt mounds at high speed and the bike started tumbling . While traveling at high speed the dirt mounds would be impossible to see in time to avoid them . My granddaughter Lynette went to the accident scene and was upset to see everyone standing around looking but not doing anything to help our friend Mike . Lynette is CPR certified so she moved in like a Marine drill sargent and took charge . They worked on Mike until the emergency medical crews arrived . Despite their best efforts , Mike 's time on earth was over and so he passed away shortly afterwards . He was the first to arrive at the fly - in site at the beginning of the week and he did a lot of gyro flying over the week in his shiny original design gyro . Mike always did a buzz job at my home during the mornings of the fly - in . He called them , " wake up calls " , and his ' wake up calls ' were memorable . I shall miss them and I shall miss Mike . He believed in living life to tMarion Springer Last Saturday Dave Bacon came up to the desert and we started my gyro 's McCulloch engine with the new starter . I was like a kid with a new toy , I 'd turn the switch on , push the starter button and the engine would come to life . I 'd let the engine run a minute or so , shut it down and then do it all over again and again . That 's a photo of me on my gyro with the engine running . After giving the new starter a work out we put the gyro on Dave 's trailer and went over to a gate way to do the hang test to determine the CG ( center of gravity ) . A hang test is necessary when big changes are made to a gyro , in my case we had added a starter and a battery for a total of about 30 lbs . of weight . The hang test involves attaching a hoist to the teeter bolt and with the pilot in the seat , lifting the gyro clear of the ground . Someone then takes an angle finder and holds it against the back of the mast then reads the degree of angle that the gyro hangs from level . For the the center of gravity of the machine to be correct , the gyro should hang from 0 to 3 degrees nose down . My gyro came in right on target with a nose down angle of 2 degrees . Teddy had made some modifications to his gyro recently making a hang test necessary for his machine also . So , after my hang test was done , we repeated the whole thing with Teddy in the seat of his gyro . We started about 8 AM hoping to beat the heat but this is summer time in the desert and it was well over 100 degrees by the time we finished . So , although I haven 't flown the gyro since the addition of the starter , just having the starter and a successful hang test made my day ! There will be cooler days to fly . Just knowing that I can start my gyro myself whenever I want to fly is a giant step of independence to me . I am very appreciative of the work that Dave has done in getting my gyro to that point . He is a man in demand for he has taken on the job of going completely through someone else 's gyro and bringing it up to flying condition . When he isn 't working on gyros , Dave tries to decide whichPosted by We are now on the third starter for the McCulloch engine . The first one was defective and the second one was too long . The front of the second starter touched the prop ! So , when Dave came up last week to work on the adaption he brought a new light weight starter . The new one was made for race cars , weighs 8 lbs . and is beautiful . It 's small and compact . But , it didn 't fit in the mounting bracket . Dave cut off a little bit of the bracket and still the starter wouldn 't go in . He said that he could cut a piece off the edge of the starter itself and it would fit , " but " , he said , " if it doesn 't fit , we can 't return it to the store . You will have a pricey shelf ornament . What do I do ? " . Since I figured we were about out of options regarding starters , I said , " make it fit " . And he did . Back to the hack saw he went and took off a bit of the starter and then it went right into place in the mounting bracket like it was made for it . After buttoning up everything and securing the new battery in it 's holder on the keel tube , we pushed the gyro out to the run up pad and started it up . The engine started easily . I was amazed at the power with which the starter spun the propeller . So , like a kid with a new toy , I would start the engine ( push button start , imagine that ! ) , let the engine run a minute , shut it down and start it again and again . It looks like we have a winner in the new starter ! The day was hot , 103 degrees hot , and it was getting late in the day so we decided to put off the all important hang test until Saturday , August 8 , when Dave will make the trip up to the desert again . I feel like a kid waiting for Christmas as I wait for Saturday , August the 8th . to get here ! Dave has gone to a lot of effort to help me achieve the freedom to fly whenever I want . He lives a couple of hours away in a much cooler area and yet he comes up to the high desert and works on my gyro in 100 degree plus weather . That 's a real friend . Till next time . Marion Springer One of my pet peeves is to be standing line at the check out counter with money in hand to pay for my purchases and have the cashier pick up the telephone and carry on a conversation while ignoring those of us waiting to pay for our items . If I happen to be on a tight schedule I will leave the items on the counter and go on my way . In an auto parts store the clerk kept answering the phone while no less than eight customers waited for service . He answered call after call . Finally one of the waiting customers announced that he was going to go home and call the clerk on the phone as it seemed to be the only way to get his attention . The man who delivers our water is addicted to his cell phone . You never see him not talking on it . Recently I was standing there with a hundred dollar bill waiting to pay for the load of water and he had the cell phone between his head and shoulder and was carrying on a conversation while writing out the receipt . He hadn 't even bothered to say ' Good morning ' to me . In the supermarket one day I saw a male shopper talking on his cell phone while shopping . He seemed to get the other person 's opinion on every item he put in his shopping cart . He happened to finish at the check stand just about the time I did and he still had his cell phone cradled against his shoulder and talking away . I watched as he left the store just as I did . . . he had a bag of groceries in each hand and was still yakking away on the phone . I wondered if he would let go of the phone to stow his purchases in the car . . . no way ! He set one bag on the ground and unlocked the car , put both bags inside , got in and drove away still talking . Now that is addiction ! About land line phones , I will be getting a new one in a couple of weeks . Because of my hearing ( or lack of hearing ) I use a TTY relay system with the telephone . It works great for me but callers are reluctant to deal with the operators who type their words , as the operators at times , have to interrupt the caller to check spelling or tell them to speak slower , etMarion Springer It seems to be getting more and more difficult to just say a few words to someone in passing without the risk of saying something considered politically incorrect ( P C ) . I find myself being politically incorrect from time to time . That 's probably because I come from an earlier time when life was different , and possibly because I 'm short on diplomacy . Today you have to examine every word six ways from Sunday to see if it will offend the other person before you say it . Example , I was in the supermarket and there was a lady in a wheel chair ahead of me in the isle . Her path was blocked by an empty shopping cart that was sitting cross ways in the isle . There was no room for her to go around it and it looked like she was having trouble trying to reach it to push it out of the way . Naive me , I said , " I 'll move it out of your way " . Well , she darn near jumped down my throat ! Looking ready to fight , she said , " It 's in EVERYBODY ' S way ! " . It would have been in everyone 's way , if there had been others there but at the moment it was just the lady in the wheel chair and me . It was in her way more than mine for I could easily move it whereas she could not . I figured that I must have said something politically incorrect by offering to move the cart out of her way but I was at a loss to know what I said that had offended her . So , I just moved the shopping cart without responding to her outburst and went on my way , thinking to myself , " she can move the next one herself " . I talked with a man who worked for the Post Office . All postal employees had to attend a sensitivity training program where they would learn what was safe to say and what could get them a sexual harrassment lawsuit . He said he had learned that it wasn 't safe to tell a coworker that she looked nice , or that her dress was very becoming , or any thing that a reasonable person would take as a compliment . In today 's workplace he said , the big thing he learned was to just do his work and keep his mouth shut for that was the only safe way . Best not to talk to any Posted by The photo is of my daughter Linda holding a Mojave Green rattle snake which she killed in her yard a couple of days ago . Linda 's cat was looking out the window of her home and was acting very disturbed . Linda looked out to see what had her cat 's attention and there it was . . . a very large rattle snake just off the edge of her front porch and about three feet from the side of her house , all coiled up and waiting for something ! She grabbed a shovel , her weapon of choice , ( not mine though ) , and went outside to dispatch the snake to rattle snake Heaven which she quickly did . It was a good size snake with 6 rattles and a button . This is desert country and rattlers are a part of the wild life out here . My son and daughter and I have all killed rattlers that were in our yards and close enough to be a threat to us . Lest anyone think we enjoy eleminating the snakes , I assure you we do not . I hate it when I have to put a rattler down and I know my children feel the same way . BUT , we are a long way from medical help and it takes a medical helicopter an average of one hour to reach us , a fact that was observed once again last week when a neighbor with an injured leg waited for the emergency helicopter . The venom of the Mojave Green is particularly dangerous and is life threatening if help isn 't immediate . So , it 's us or them ! With the activity of three dogs running here and there on my place I am seeing fewer and fewer snakes but Linda 's place is much more serene than mine . Lucky is the smallest of my three dogs and she is the rattle snake watcher . She is always on the lookout for rattlers . When she spots a Mojave Green she doesn 't attack , she just sounds the alarm and we hop to . Till next time . Marion Springer Things had been going nicely with the starter adaption to the McCulloch engine on my gyro . There were a couple of set backs that had to be dealt with but Dave Bacon is a resourceful man and he took the challenges in stride . When he found that there was simply not enough room to accommodate both the starter and the Wunderlich prerotator that is on my gyro , he switched out a part of the prerotator for a different one that would leave room so that I wouldn 't have to give up the prerotator . Finally last Saturday , a 102 degree day in El Mirage , after working all day in the hot hangar it looked like we were on the home stretch . We rolled the gyro out to the cement run - up pad and started the engine . It fired right up and I was pleasantly surprised at how powerful the starter was . Still not having everything buttoned up , Dave shut the engine down after a very few seconds of running . I looked at him expecting to see a big smile on his face but instead his face showed great disappointment and I knew that something was wrong . He pointed to the propeller . We found that a brass bushing had come out of the front end of the starter and had contacted the propeller leaving two gouges in the hub area . The starter that had come with the kit was a reconditioned one . Dave checked out repairing the starter but considering the importance of the starter and it 's it 's closeness to the prop he opted to pick up new starter . So , no work on the starter this weekend , the 4th . of July but next weekend is a whole new ball game . What 's left to do is install the starter , that should go fast now , and hook up solenoid and battery wires for good and then run that baby up ! After the engine run up will come the hang test . To do that we will use a comealong and lift the gyro off the ground with me sitting in the seat and holding the gyro level with the control stick . Then with an angle measuring device , ( sorry , I can 't think of the name of it ) , we will check to see that the center of gravity is correct . In this case , the gyro should hang 0 to 3 degPosted by Sometime back I posted about a fuel transfer pump that my daughter Linda , gave me for Christmas . Well , my daughter knows how to make her mom happy . I didn 't have an opportunity to use the fuel pump for a variety of reasons until day before yesterday . I have been busy trying to make a dump of a hangar into a decent place to keep my gyro and with the help of Linda , it has become a decent and clean place to house my gyro and also a good place to go hang out if I need to get away from the sometimes hectic life at home . On my gyro there is a 1 / 4 inch diameter plastic tubing that runs on the outside of the fuel tank from the bottom to the top of the tank . It is easy to see the level of fuel in the tank through the clear plastic . That tubing is the " instrument " by which I know how much gas is in the tank . Imagine my surprise when one day I saw the plastic tubing had shrunk and pulled off the top fitting and was short of reaching it by a good inch or more . Good thing I noticed it on the ground ! The tubing had to be replaced but the tank had to be drained first and wouldn 't you know , the tank was full ! So the tank was drained and a new and better kind of tubing was installed , then finally , I had the first opportunity to use the fuel transfer pump . The advertisment says it will transfer the fuel in one minute . . . it took me more than one minute because I would turn the pump handle and watch with joy and fascination as the av gas rushed from the container up through the clear tubing of the pump and into the fuel tank then I would turn the crank a few more turns and stop and watch again . No heavy lifting ! Thank you Linda for your wonderful gift . Till next timeMarion Springer Dave Bacon has been working on adapting a starter to the McCulloch engine on my gyro ( see post of June 16 ) . It has turned out to be a real challenge . First of all , try as he might , there was no way that he could make the starter work with my Wunderlich Prerotator . There just wasn 't room . That meant swapping the drive wheel and it 's support bracket of my prerotator for a different one which allowed a smidgen more room between the wheel 's cable and the fly wheel of the starter . It was cut and fit , cut and fit and finally it was all done except for finding the right length bolts to secure it . That probably means another trip to Aircraft Spruce and Specialty for the bolts . We did turn the prop over with the starter today just because we needed to see if it was going to work and also just to hear it run if only briefly . There are folks who will say the Mac is noisy but those of us in the hangar today thought it was beautiful music when the prop turned over ! It 's a toss up who had the biggest smile , Dave or me or maybe even , Eber , Dave 's dad . Next weekend , Dave will do the final buttoning up of it all , then do the all important hang test to see if the center of gravity has changed because of the weight of the starter and when he gets that all done , I will have the pleasure of sitting in the seat of the gyro , pushing the starter button and having the engine come to life . Then I 'll just have to go fly it ! I can 't wait ! Wish me a cool day with a nice breeze . The photo above is Dave . Looks like he is about to attack the prop bolts with a torque wrench . After he quit for the day on the starter Dave just couldn 't let the nice wind go to waste so he rolled his KB2 out and flew for an hour and a half or so and had a great time up there hanging on the wind . You should have seen the pride on his dad 's face as he watched his son taming the breeze . Till next time . Marion Springer Posted by Whenever I find an injured baby pigeon I take it in and take care of it until it is well enough to be set free . At any time I have a number of young birds in cages getting over injuries . Last week I set free two young birds that I had taken in some months ago when they were tiny little things . Both had been picked on and bloodied by older birds . In time their injuries healed and they were eating on their own and ready to be set free so one morning I put them out in the pigeon house in the back yard . One of them flew out immediately so I thought he would adjust quickly to his new freedom . The white one just stayed where I put her in the pigeon house . In the evening after the birds have all gone into the pigeon house and into the large cages I close the doors to keep them safe from predators of the night . So that evening I went out to close up the pigeon house . The white pigeon was still in the same spot where I had left her that morning . She never took her eyes off me . The other young bird was hanging on the door of the pigeon house . I picked him off the door and set him inside on the floor . He immediately went to cling on the door again . Once more I took him off the door and this time I put him on the floor next to the white one . He hopped onto my arm . Meanwhile the white bird is watching me and her eyes are saying , " Take me home . How could you leave me here ? " Softie that I am , I picked the two young birds up and took them back into the house and put them back into their recently vacated cage . They immediately settled down and looked oh , so contented . I 'll try again in a couple of weeks to set them free . . . hopefully freedom will take next time . My cats , dogs , and birds have no trouble training me ! Till next time . Marion Springer The McCulloch engine was never meant to carry man or woman in flight . It was designed during world war 2 for the military . It was used to power small drone airplanes which towed a long banner for the military pilots to practice shooting at . The engine was meant to make one flight , period . Along came gyro pilots looking for a small light - weight powerful engine to use on their gyrocopters . I was one of them . After first trying heavy Volkswagen engines and various motorcycle engines on their gyros , the pilots generally discarded them and began to use the surplus McCulloch engine . The Mac , as it was called , was readily available , lightweight , inexpensive and unbelieably unreliable . The gyro pilots didn 't give up easily , so they set about learning ways to make the Mac reliable . There were a number of modifications necessary , such as cam grinding the skirts of the pistons , using new and different bearings , proper oil and av gas mixture , and a host of other mods . Finally the Mac was fairly reliable . The weight to power ratio of the engine couldn 't be beat for it weighed only 72 lbs . and came in a 72 or 90 hp . version . The weight was the same for each version . Down through the years more modern engines became available for gyros but some of the gyro pilots stayed loyal to the McCulloch engine . I am one of them . To use a different engine would mean changing many things on my Bensen gyro and I didn 't want to change the configuration of the gyro for I love it the way it is . I don 't mess with perfection ! The Mac doesn 't come with a starter . . . that wasn 't a problem as long as I had my husband who was always right there whenever I flew the gyro . Docko would pull the prop through to start the engine for me . Propping the engine is not something you ask just anyone to do . The person handlling the prop has to know exactly what he is doing for it is a dangerous procedure . Carelessness in proping could result in losing a hand , fingers or an arm . So , that gave me a problem when I returned to gyro flying some years after the passiMarion Springer I had often thought how handy a golf cart would be , even priced them some time back . . . well , I thought after pricing them , four thousand dollars is way too much for me to spend on a golf cart , a used one at that . Then one day , I saw it , a cute little golf cart for sale in someone 's yard . When I say cute , I mean cute the way the Flintstones vehicle was cute in the old TV program my children liked to watch . The little golf cart in the yard was what people mean when they say of someone , " he has a face only a mother could love " . But I wanted that golf cart . . . I began thinking of it as mine when I first saw it . So it needed painting , so it needed new seat covers , so it needed new batteries ( 6 of them at roughly $ 100 per battery ) , for it is battery powered . I 'm handy , I thought , I can paint it and I can make new seat covers , maybe even raid the piggy bank and come up with the ransom for 6 new batteries . I gotta have that golf cart ! So after some negotiation with the owner , the ragged little cart was mine . Mine and my dog Buddy 's , that is . He took to it instantly when we got it home . Where I really expect the golf cart to be useful is at the annual gyro fly - in we have on the El Mirage dry lake the last weekend of September . I like to walk the line , gyro line that is , and check out what 's new and who is flying what , etc . Sometimes the gyro line - up is long and being that my legs are old , being able to ride the line and have a seat to rest the back is very appealing . The fly - in is the reason for the bright " look at me , don 't run over me " , new paint job on the cart . The colors are highly visible . And you can see from the photo that Buddy doesn 't mind the ' stop your heart ' paint job . He spends hours sitting in the cart so he will be ready to go when the cart moves . While waiting for the fly - in to put the cart to work , it has proved to be very useful around home . I carry the trash bags down to the dumpster in it , and yesterday Linda and I used it to haul some plywood and a work table to the bead shop she is building on herPosted by To many people I suppose it is just a wide expanse of desert without vegetation , hotter than blazes in the summer and very windy much of the time and not much going for it . But to me , the El Mirage dry lake is a thing of beauty . Located in the Mojave desert in Southern Ca . about mid way between Palmdale on the west and Victorville on the east , the dry lake is flat as a table top for five miles the long way and about one and a half miles across . The lake bed is host to a variety of activites including , off road vehicles like dirt bikes , ATV 's , and dune buggies . The racers of SCTA , Southern Ca . Timing Association , have meets on the lake bed . There are many types of aircraft that use the lake bed . The photo above is me in my gyro taking off from the dry lake bed . The ground is so hard and shiny . You can even roller skate on the lake bed and some people do just that with oversize roller skates on their feet and sails held out to catch the wind . There are land sailors that use the lake and also film companies make movies and commercials there . We were driving across the lake bed one morning and saw a film crew busy building a huge fake oak tree on the lake . Only the trunk was in place but later in the day the tree was complete with many limbs and leaves . A while later a whole village had sprung up out in the middle of nowhere . A yearly event that takes place on the lake is the Ken Brock Freedom fly - in during the last week in September . The gyro fly - in is hosted by PRA Chapter 1 . Many gyro pilots come early and enjoy flying around the area before it gets busy with other aircraft . The fly - in is a fun get - together with many kinds of gyroplanes and a few helicopters . On Friday evening there is a corn roast and a " Bring your own meat " barbecue on Saturday . There is always much to see and gyro pilots and enthusiasts to visit with . There are no motels or other accommodations so what you bring with you is what you have while visiting the lake . If you plan to join us at the fly - in , and I hope you do , you need to know thatPosted by When I was a kid , a long time ago , we were taught to call adults mam or sir . For a child to be disrespectful to a grown up meant a trip to the wood shed . Grown ups were respectful to each other too . People were nicer to each other that they are today . Store clerks were pleasant too . Back then a customer in a store received good service and a thank you for shopping there . But that 's all gone with the wind . It 's a cold hard nosed world out there today . I think a lot of attention to the customer left with the demise of the family owned , or , mom and pop stores . Success to them meant keeping the customer happy but with the chain stores , there is no closeness between customers and store owners . The work ethic of the past is just that , a thing of the past . It seems like the clerk , or the technican or whoever the person is who is supposed to be offering service just doesn 't care about the job . Here is an example . I am severly hearing impaired and to use the telephone , I rely on the TTY , relay system . The relay system is for hard of hearing or deaf persons . It would seem to follow that an operator who works for the TTY company would understand that it is for people who have severe hearing prblems . That seems clear to me . But , recently when my daughter called me on the TTY system she asked the operator to speak slowly to me when I answered the phone . The operator asked , " Why , is she hard of hearing , or something ? " . Unbelieable ! Till next time . Marion Springer If I could live my life over , what would I change ? What would I do differently the second time around ? Well , Let 's see , on the plus side , I have lived a good life , not deleriously happy every moment , but that 's life , right ? I was happy more than I was unhappy . Docko and I raised four healthy and good children to adulthood . That 's another plus . I was able to live my dream of flying while caring for my home and family , another plus . My marriage lasted for over 48 years , chalk up another plus mark . I believe my husband Docko , was happy with me ( most of the time ) , and with our children ( most of the time ) and he enjoyed our life together ( most of the time ) , that 's three more plus marks . From the vantage point of 80 years of age I think it says a lot to have more pluses than negatives in my long life . To be sure , there were times when my patience was sorely tried , especially when the four children were small . It seemed that my four kids and several of their friends were constantly in the house wanting something to eat , or wanting me to taxi them somewhere , or I had to go pick up a kid from somewhere . And all the sibiling squabbles I had to settle ! The house cleanig , laundry , cooking , and taxi service and peacemaker for the family was a round robin . . . it had no beginning and no end . It was just constant ! There was sweet little Coby with the face of an angel , forever standing in a corner because she had mischieviously stuck her foot out and tripped one of the other children as they walked by . And Dave , one day he leaped from the roof of the garage onto a tree limb like Tarzan . The limb broke and so did his arm when he hit the ground . The same summer my youngest Donna , fell off the porch railing and broke her wrist . Tough little trooper that she was , she finished eating her peanut butter and jam sandwich on the way to the hospital . . . no tears for the wrist . And Linda , always , always , a free spirit . Yeah , those children ran me ragged and at times I wondered if they would ever grow up . Then suddenly they did and then Posted by On Sunday I spent the day puttering about in my decrepit old hangar . I did a little work in there but mostly just did house keeping chores . I put up a rack of shelves for storage of oil , funnel , tools , and such and I put some screws in the worn boards of the door to firm the door up some . On the wall I hung a framed picture of myself flying my gyro . The photo is from an article in Aviation History magazine and is about my gyro flying career . I feel a little self conscious about the title of the photo . . . it says , ' Gyrocopter Queen ' . But hey , Teddy presented the framed picture to me and wanted it to be placed on the hangar wall . Self consciousness be darned , I don 't want to hurt his feelings by not hanging the picture . So , it graces the wall to be joined in time with many photos of my gyro flying friends . Awhile back I made curtains and installed them on the hangar windows . Some of the guys laughed at the thought of curtains on the windows of an aircraft hangar . . . they thought it was too cutesy or girley or something , I guess . But the curtains give me light inside when they are open and they keep prying eyes from seeing inside when they are closed and no one is around . Besides , they look classy . All in all the hangar is looking good all except the ratty old roof which needs to be repaired . But that job doesn 't have my name on it . I think my children would have a canniption if I got up on top of the roof but they don 't have to worry about me climbing up there . Oh Man , I would hate it if I got up there and the roof gave way under me and I fell on the gyro and damaged it ! So after a day of this and that in the hangar I came home tired , but it was a good tired . I define a good tired as being tired from doing something I really don 't mind doing , like working to make things better for my gyro , as in fixing up the hangar . Another kind of tired to me is when I 've done some thing that I dislike doing but it has to be done . Housecleaning , grocery shopping , yard work , for example , are just plain old tired and nothing good Posted by I was talking to a friend a few days ago about how rude sales people are today . I mentioned that I had stood in line at the checkout counter at the supermarket for almost 30 minutes while the checker and the girl doing the bagging waited on only two customers ahead of me . The two women were doing more talking with each other than they were checking and bagging groceries . They were just visiting while customers cooled their heels in line waiting to be waited on . By the time I got to the head of the line my legs were tired and my back was aching from the long period of standing . My patience level had dropped to zero . Finally , when the checking and bagging of my groceries had completely stopped so they could continue their discussion , I said to the bagger , the one doing the most talking , " If you will stop talking the clerk can do her work and I can get out of this store before bedtime " . It was about 11 AM at the time . All converstion between the two stopped and they finished up with my groceries very quickly but the bagger put the bag containing the eggs in the cart hard enough to break two eggs . . . " take that , old woman " , she was probably thinking . So I got two broken eggs for my auduacity in speaking up . My friend then told me of his recent experience with a salesgirl in a Radio Shack . The salesgirl was leaning on her elbows on the counter while a male co - worker was standing beside her patting her posterior . After waiting to pay for his items and being ignored , my friend said to the sales girl , " I want to join the party " . She asked him what he meant . . . he said , " I want to come behind the counter and do like he is doing " . With all seriousness , the girl replied that he couldn 't do that . My friend couldn 't believe that she didn 't get the message that he was being sarcastic and was in his own way telling her that sheshould be waiting on customers . So he and I talked about the work ethics , the rudness and generally how different is is today from the time I was young . He said me , " you just have to put up with it foPosted by Small items seem to collect at my home and I don 't know where to put them . a book mark , a small stapler , Several mechanical pencils without any lead . . . a small tube of lead for the mechanical pencils , several small spiral bound note pads , a couple of post it note pads , a bean flipper that came apart , old sun glasses that don 't work for my eyes anymore , a dog collar , a bunch of emails that I was going to answer about two years or so ago but for some reason didn 't , and a lot of other stuff that just doesn 't seem to belong anyplace . I live in a mobile home so storage is limited , thank goodness , for if it wasn 't then I would likely have much more stuff to try to keep out of sight . So I do toss some of it but the good stuff or stuff I might need some day and other stuff gets put in the middle drawer of my computer desk . It 's risky putting anything in that drawer because the drawer is not attached securely . If I bump the drawer it comes tumbling down to the floor and when that happens , my six year old , forever young cat Georgie , has a great time going thrugh the stuff while I am trying to pick it up . Yesterday the much overloaded drawer fell to the floor and this time I will have to repair it before I can put it back in the desk and refill it with the stuff that fell out of it . Meanwhile , I put everything that came out of the drawer into a plastic dish pan and set it on the table ( the loaded down table is a whole other story ) . Georgie who has always considered the desk drawer her personal property anyway , is in kitty heaven now for she naps on top of all the stuff in the dish pan and when she wakes up she entertains herself by pawing through and scattering the stuff she digs up from the pan . I wish I had the nerve to dump the contents that used to be in the drawer into the trash but there 's probably stuff in there that I will need some day . But I have been wondering , where do other people keep their stuff ? I have a friend whose house looks like no one lives there . Nothing out of place , no signs of life there at allPosted by Last week I reached the grand old age of 80 years of age and to commemorate the day I made a birthday celebration flight in my gyro . The day was cold with the wind blowing about 25 mph . Just right for a gyro flight . After conducting a preflight inspection of the gyro and pronouncing all OK , we refueled and I suited up in my orange flight suit and helmet and cool looking shades then strapped into the seat , ready to fly . Since my engine doesn 't have a starter someone has to pull the propeller through to get it started so my friend Peter Prentice , also a gyro pilot , propped the machine for me . My daughter Linda and another gyro friend Teddy , were there with cameras at the ready . I started the blades spinning with the prerotator and with the strong wind helping they were ready to fly in no time . After a short take - off run I lifted off and went straight up . What a thrill the take off is in wind ! The flight was around a half hour in length , not long at all but wonderful ! I can 't think of a better way to celebrate a big 80th birthday than to fly a gyro . Teddy made a video of the birthday flight and put it on YouTube . If you want to check it out , look under Tadgyro , then Marion Springer 80 birthday flight . The amazing thing is that the magic of gyro flying is as great today as it was back when I was young . May it always be so . Till next timemarion Springer Today my little feathered friend , Coo , passed away . Coo was a pigeon . She had been with me for 11 & 1 / 2 years , ever since she was a month or so old . A cat had mauled the baby pigeon so after having a doctor stitch up the lacerations my daughter brought her to live with me . Coo learned to fly in the bathroom . It was obvious that she was happy living in a very large cage in my living room so I never considered setting her free . Coo was much loved . Recently she developed a large tumor and her health began to fail . The doctor talked of possible surgery but considering her age , surgery seemed too risky . I decided to just take care of her until nature took her from me . Today nature did just that . Tomorrow she will be laid to rest beside her longtime Doberman friend , Vokie . I have lost animal and bird companions before so I know that in time it will be easier but right now that point in time seems far distant . Fly away Coo . I will miss you . Marion Springer Before I actually lived in the desert I heard all kinds of negative things about the desert . It was hot . There was nothing there . It was windy . And who in his / her right mind would want to live in the desert ? Well , I live in the desert and I love it ! 13 years ago I bought 10 acres of sagebrush covered desert land andput a mobile home on the place and moved in . Some of the things I had heard about the desert were right on . It is hot in summer . At times the wind does blow mightly . But there is life and beauty and peace and quiet in the desert . Our closest neighbor is one mile away . The only noise on our place is what we make . The early morning sunrise is a thing of beauty as are sunsets when there are clouds about . And the rainbows out here after a rainshower seem close enough to touch as do the stars at night . After a rainy winter the wild flowers are breathtaking in their beauty and variety . The cactus in the photo above is near my home and is just one variety of cactus to be found around here . And wild - life , of that there is plenty . Awhile back there were two red foxes who lived in a burrow just outside our fence . I put out food and water for them . They were regular visitors in our yard . Several times we have seen large turtles making their way across the place . Road Runners , we have them as well as desert grouse and quail . There are burrowing owls who live underground . The baby burrowing owls come up from their underground home and learn to fly from the ground up . They first hop up on low sagebrush branches and gradually learn to fly up to higher elevations . Neat to see . Probably best of all , at least for me , is that there are no buildings or houses or city clutter , no traffic clogged streets and city noise . There is just wide open desert . I can see for miles in every direction and every direction is like looking at a beautiful picture . Desert living is not for everyone but it works for me . Till next time . Marion Springer Posted by That is a picture of me holding my wonderful Christmas present from my daughter , Linda . Maybe to most moms it wouldn 't look like anything to get excited about , probably they wouldn 't even know what the heck it is , but this mom was very happy to receive the five gallon fuel transfer pump for Christmas . What the fuel transfer pump means is that instead of having to lift a heavy ( about 30 lbs . ) 5 gallon can of aviation fuel up to about shoulder height and use a funnel to pour the fuel into the fuel tank on my gyrocopter , now I can just turn the crank handle on the transfer system about 20 turns and the fuel / oil mix is transferred in less than one minute from the fuel can into the fuel tank on the gyro . My son made a small cart type carrier on wheels to move the fuel transfer system about . Now it 's just a matter of wheeling the small carry - cart with the fuel transfer system on it out to the gyro , give the handle a few turns and wow , the tank is refilled ! I am so pampered ! Down through the years I have received the most unusual gifts from my children . Coby gave me a set of screw drivers one year . Linda gave me a set of motorcycle handle bar grips another time . I hasten to add thatI used and much appreciated all those gifts . Those children had my number ! I overheard my daughter Donna , when she was about eight years of age and her friend discussing their mothers . My daughter had the last word when she proudly proclaimed , " well , my mother is a TOMBOY ! " So I guess unusual gifts are just right for a tomboy mom . Till next time . Marion Springer As my grandma would say , I put the horse before the cart . . . I had intended to post first , a picture of a small egg incubator with a pigeon egg in it and second , a tiny baby pigeon just hatched and finally , the picture of a day old baby pigeon that did make it through my clumsy attemp to post photos . Maybe another day I will manage to post a picture of the egg in the incubator . Pigeon eggs are white in color and small , about 1 & 1 / 2 inch in length and about 1 inch high . The babys when hatched are very tiny . When left in their parents care the baby will double it 's weight in 24 hours . In the wild they develop incredibaly fast . Development is much slower when hand raised . The baby in the photo above is one day old . If he had been with his pigeon parents he would have been much larger than he is in the picture . I found a baby pigeon that looked to be about a week old that had been attacked . It 's scalp had been torn away and his skull was exposed . Remarkably , he susrvived the damage to his head . He will be forever bald with no feathers on his head but he is alive . It has always amazed me that birds and animals seem to know who will help them when they are in distress ( see the recent post " The Hitching Pigeon " . ) I could cite numerous other instances where birds literally cried out for help . For example , several days ago I stepped outside and several pigeons flew toward me . One of them literally flew into my foot then he landed beside me so close that I nearly stepped on him . He had apparently been attacked and there was damage to his back . He let me pick him up and put him in a cage where I can care for him and eventually when he is healed , set him free . He surely did know how to get the help he needed . Till next time . Marion Springer Posted by Meet Connie , one of my two Dobermans . Connie and her brother Buddy are my 21 month old pups . They are a lively pair . Friday had already been a long day . My daughter and I had just returned home from a day in town . It takes an hour to drive to town from our home in the desert and an hour to get back home . Friday 's trip to town had included a visit to the doctor which had taken up much of the day so both my daughter and I were happy to finally get home and I was looking forward to just taking it easy for what little was left of the day . But as it turned out , relaxing was not an option . We were soon on the road to town again ! My two Doberman pups and our other little dog were happy to have us home and they were running around and being very frisky . Then I noticed a tuft of hair standing up on Connie 's back . It was a fresh tear in her skin . . . a V shaped tear on her back . The legs of the V were about three inches long . It was nearly 4PM and every Vetinary office we called were closing at 5 PM . There is an excellent Emergency Animal Clinic in town and they are open all night . Wouldn 't you know , the Clinic had moved to a new location since we had last used their services so that entailed some driving about to locate them . Their new location is so new it doesn 't even have the name on the building , so that really made it hard to find ! But we did find them and Dr . Edwards stitched up the tear in Connie 's back . Connie and her brother Buddy , have a condition known as Von Willibrand 's disease . What that means is that their blood does not coagulate as it should and should they sustain an injury and start bleeding it could be fatal to them . Fortunately , the tear in Connie 's skin was not bleeding . Connie spent the night in the hospital and she is home now and is wearing a hood to keep her from pulling the stitches out . She is very unhappy having to wear the hood . The white item you can see in the photo is one of the drain tubes which the doctor placed in the tear . I don 't know what she caught her skin on to cause the damage bPosted by I had been down working on my gyro hangar all day and finally packed up the tools and started for home about a mile and a half away . I hadn 't gone very far when I saw the pigeon . He was just standing there along the side of the road . I stopped the car about even with him and he didn 't move at all . I approached him , talking to him all the while and still he just stood there . I had the feeling that he was waiting just for me . He walked a few inches away and then stopped and waited for me to pick him up . He didn 't struggle , or try to get free . It was eerie , but nice too . I held him during the ride home he was very relaxed and comfortable , not struggling at all . A large flock of pigeons live on my place . When the new bird is well settled I will put him outside with the other birds . My daughter Linda had a pigeon that called out to her for help . Linda was sitting on the porch when a beautiful black and white pigeon circled her several times just screaming . The pigeon landed nearby and we could tell that it was injured . Later that evening it went into an open cage and we closed the cage door and cared for the bird for several weeks until her leg healed . When her leg was well we opened the cage door and set her free . She spent quite a bit of time sitting and staring at Linda 's window . It was obvious that the bird wanted to be taken in so Linda took her into her home and the pigeon became Linda 's beautiful Lacy . The black and white speckled bird was in pigeon heaven living with Linda . Birds are smart . I don 't know if the hitchhiking pigeon I brought home had followed me when I left home that morning or if he was a total stranger to me and just needed help . He doesn 't appear to be injured . I think he was just lost and probably scared for it was getting late in the day with night not too far away . He knew when I stopped that I would help him . He was very happy to get some food when I got him home and settled in . He has a home for as long as it pleases him to stay here . Till next time . Marion Springer |
" Why . Won 't . You . Open ! " With every word I pushed my shoulder into the door . I gave the wood a two - handed shove but all that got me was stinging palms . " I just love being a housekeeper , " I muttered , put my back to the panel , bent my knees and drove my weight backward . The door gave a little and I heaved again . The gap widened and I turned to put my eye to the crack between the door and the jamb . " Oh my God . " I sank to my knees . The thing blocking the door was my boss . My dead boss , if the amount of blood on the floor was any indication . Holy shit ! I knelt down peering through the crack in the door to see her chest to rise , finger to twitch , anything to suggest Vera was still alive . Nothing . " Damn it . " My eyes started to burn and I blinked the tears away . I squeezed my arm through the space to see if I could feel a pulse , but she was cold . Dead cold . I sat down on the floor , put my head between my legs and willed myself not to throw up . Not throwing up is a life skill I haven 't developed . My name is Bella Bree MacGowan . Bella is Italian ; Bree - well technically , Brie - but my mom couldn 't spell , is French ; and MacGowan is Scottish . Basically , my name means good cheese . Or maybe , pretty cheese . Either way , it 's cheese , and what kind of life skills can you expect a cheese to develop . Definitely not dealing with dead bodies , I 'll tell you that much . " You 're going to have to come out here . " I looked back and caught a glimpse of blood through the crack in the door . " Vera . " My voice cracked . " Vera 's - " " Yes . " I could understand how he felt , it didn 't seem like it could be true . If it wasn 't for the all - too - real corpse . I scooted to the edge of the porch and sat in the sun waiting for Brian to get there . The evening light was dappled with the color of the autumn leaves . I was thankful for the cool air and tried not to think about Vera ten feet away from me in the housekeeping closet . All that blood . I had my head back between my knees and my eyes closed when Brian showed up . Brian stalked down the path to the cottage in his Armani pants and jacket which would have been impressive if I hadn 't grown up with him . I stood up and met him at the foot of the stairs . He looked me straight in the eyes . " If this is a joke , I 'm going to kill you . " He heaved himself up the stairs to the door and glanced in . He paled and steadied himself on the wall before turning and letting himself in through the front door of the cottage . I heard his key turn the hidden latch that opened the inside door to the housekeeping closet . " Yeah . I called the cops . " He glanced my way . " We 're going to have to move Ericson to another cottage after the cops get here . " " Damage control , then . He likes to drink . You could probably keep him up there for most of the evening . Break the news about having to move him when the other guests have gone back to their rooms . We can have his stuff moved to another cottage before dinner 's over . " I was glad to have a problem to distract me . " As long as the cops will let us move his stuff , " Brian said gloomily . " Ericson will pitch a fit if he has to be separated from his clothes . Why the fuck did Vera have to die here ? . " We sat together on the porch waiting . The sun glinted through the windows of another cottage on the hill above us . I wondered how the other housekeepers were doing . The team was down by two now . Vera , and me . We had a full complement of guests and the housekeepers had only a couple of hours to freshen up and turn down all the rooms . And , it had to get done without anyone being seen or heard while the guests were at dinner . Whispering Birches housekeepers - the house elves of the muggle world . It was past sundown when the state troopers came down the narrow dirt road that led to Coydog Cottage . While Brian let the officers into the cottage , I sat in the cool evening getting goose pimples from the breeze and trying not to think . Steve Leftsky , a tall , sandy blond State Trooper I 'd known since high school , squatted on the porch beside me . Steve wasn 't a handsome guy , his face was pockmarked from teenage acne , but he was good people and he had the kind of eyes that wrinkled at the edges when he smiled . " Trying to get my attention , Bree ? " He smiled at me . " You know if you want to see me all you have to do is call . " " Won 't know anything officially until the medical examiner sees the body . How 'd you get to be the lucky one who found her ? Or wait , you didn 't kill her did you ? I know she 's your favorite person . " " We store the extra carafes out here . Dotty broke one and asked me to grab another one for her . I couldn 't figure out why the door wouldn 't open . " " I must have moved her when I shoved the door open . And I reached in and touched her wrist to see if she was alive . " A shiver ran through me . " Are you kidding ? Even Dotty won 't speak to her half the time . " I took a couple of breaths . " Can I go soon ? I 'd really like to get out of here . " " Yeah , I think it would be a good idea for you to leave before the meat - uh , ambulance gets here . " He glanced at me appraisingly . " Are you going home from here ? It might be better if you 're not alone . " " Fisk ? He 's got a stick up his … uh . " He looked around to see one of the other officers watching him . " You 're too laid back for him . " " I 'm interrogating a witness . " Steve winked at me . " You 'll need to make a statement down at the barracks tomorrow . I 'm thinking the VBI is going to want to investigate this and they 'll want to talk to you . " Halfway home I started to shake , the image of Vera 's body burned into my mind . Where was the brain bleach when you needed it ? I remembered earlier , when Vera said , " You 're useless , " to me in front of the other girls . She was always bitchy . Now she was dead . And I was left feeling guilty because I didn 't really care . Cell phone service in Vermont is a crapshoot ; you never know when you 'll have it and when you won 't . Besides that , if you have service and move ten feet in any direction you 're likely to lose it . I pulled over in a pullout that had a reputation for good reception . " Hey back . " I tried to sound cheerful but my voice shook and my eyes were starting to tear up . " Bad . " I took a breath . " I , uh , found a dead body today . " " No . That 's okay . I 'll just go home . " I hit the steering wheel in frustration . I was starting to notice a pattern here . When the going got tough , Jim had to work . Ten minutes later I pulled into my drive and my dogs mobbed the car . I 'd like to think they were welcoming me home , but they were just looking for food . I 'd barely gotten out of the car when Ranger , A young but huge wolfhound , leaned on my leg and shoved his nose under my hand . I rubbed his ears and he relaxed into me . The dogs trotted to the barn with me . They snuffled around , sniffing out rodents and snakes . I tossed Lucky , my old pony , some hay and dug a carrot out of the bin . He took it from my palm , his soft mouth soft . I picked up his rubber curry comb and he lowered his head and sighed as I brushed , relaxing into me . I leaned back pushing my weight into his leg and the awful day slipped away from me . It was the superpower of ponies , the ability to remove all traces of a bad day . I fed the horses my elderly neighbor Max boards on my property , then the rabbits and the barn cat . I threw pellets to the chickens . They 'd stopped laying again . I was feeding twenty - eight chickens and getting three eggs a day in return . My neighbors thought I was nuts , but I couldn 't bring myself to eat them . How could I fry up Speckles or Hermione ? Meg 's kids had named every single one of those chickens . Besides , I didn 't know which three were laying . With my luck I 'd eat the only three hens that gave me eggs . After that I fed the dogs . Ranger , the wolfhound pup I 'd found at the river earlier in the year . Hank , an affectionate and over - large two - year - old yellow Lab who lives up to his color and was dumped on my doorstep the previous year . Diesel , a two - year - old boxer with a shoe fetish that I 'd taken in when a graduating law school student hadn 't been able to keep him . And Annie , a three - year - old female beagle cross who calls the shots . I 'd found her running loose on Route 14 . Actually , I fed the dogs after my fur - ball tabby of a housecat named Annabelle . She wouldn 't tolerate being fed last . It was late when I finally walked into my kitchen and Jim was already there eating pizza out of the box . There was an open bottle beer and a jar of Parmesan cheese on the table . His legs were stretched out in front of him , long and lean , with his hiking boots propped on the rungs of my kitchen stool . He was dressed in his casual clothes ; tan Dockers , immaculate golf shirt . The hiking boots were his fashion concession for coming to my house : in town he wore loafers . Jim reached out as I walked by , pulling me down in his lap . He dropped a kiss on my collarbone . " What happened at work today ? You were kidding about Vera , right ? Did one of those rich snobs ask you to do something perverted ? " " I wasn 't kidding about Vera . " I reached out , snagged a slice of pizza and stuffed half of it in my mouth . " I found her lying in a pool of blood . " I slid off his lap . I needed a beer . " Yeah I 'm sure . " I jumped up , grabbed a beer from the fridge and popped it open . " I touched her . She was cold . " Jim stood up and slid his arms around me . I rested my head on his chest , relaxing into him and he held me tight . I could feel his heartbeat and the warmth of his chest against my face . He smelled good , like sandalwood . He leaned down and kissed my neck . Jim slid his hands down , cupping my ass and pulling me against him . " That I can do , " he said . He was up to the challenge . The sun was shining in the window when I woke to Jim 's cell phone ringing . He reached across me to grab it off the night table . His hand hit the lamp and the phone was knocked to the floor . " Shit ! " Jim dove across my body , caught the lamp before it toppled off the table , and slid off me on to the floor in a tangle of sheets . He rolled over , handed me the lamp and felt around under him for his phone . Laughing , I put the lamp back on the table and headed for the shower . I needed to be at work early . Housekeeping at Whispering Birches is my second job ; by day , I 'm a paste up artist for the Royalton Star , our town 's weekly paper . I could hear my cell phone ringing when I walked out of the bathroom . I wrapped my towel tighter around my body and went searching for it . When I got downstairs Jim was standing in the kitchen holding my phone in his hand . " No , Mom , I 'm dealing with inside animals at the moment . " I shot Jim an elbow in the ribs . " Stop it ! " I hissed at him . " Hang on . " I said into the phone . Jim was running his hands down my thighs . I batted him away , grabbed my towel and scooted into the living room . I put the phone back to my ear . " It sounded bossy to me . " She had her resigned what - am - I - going - to - do - about - my - daughter voice on . " When are you coming to visit ? We haven 't seen you since July . " My mom and dad moved to South Carolina a couple of years back . My mom decided she didn 't fancy being old in the snow and bought a condo on the beach with the money her mom had left her . My dad followed along . I think he figured South Carolina with mom was better than Vermont without her . He was still suffering from culture shock . " I 'll come down at Thanksgiving . And maybe Christmas if I can get someone to take care of the animals . " I rooted around in my closet and shrugged on my robe . " I guess I 'll have to be content with that . I know it 's hard for you to get away . But when you have children I 'll expect you to come more often . " When I walked back into the kitchen Jim was on the phone again . He was scowling and scribbling notes ferociously on a scrap of paper . " I told you earlier . " He had the phone between his shoulder and ear . " I don 't think that 's necessary . Besides , it 's intrusive . My personal life is not their business at this point . " He glanced up at me . " I 've got to go . I 'll discuss this with you further when I get to the office . " " Just the usual . " He picked up his coffee cup . " I 'm going to take this with me . All hell is breaking loose in Hanover today , and I still have to go home to shower and change . " He gave me a quick kiss , took his coffee and left . " Nah . It 's just the dogs warning me that a truck was going by . They feel it 's their duty to protect me from harmless strangers . I suppose you need me to come down to the barracks ? " Shit . I was going to be late for work . I headed back upstairs to stand in front of my open closet . What did you wear when you were giving a statement ? Would it help if I dressed like a slut ? What about a business suit ? Should I dress casually and look unconcerned , or wear church clothes to make a good impression ? I sat down on my bed without choosing anything from the closet . I felt numb and my mind refused to focus . Relax , it doesn 't matter what you wear . " But it does matter . First impressions are the most important . The credibility of my statement could be determined just by how you look . Shit . Now I 'm talking to myself . " Finally I grabbed my usual jeans and Tee . I slid a blazer over my top so I wasn 't too casual and pulled on my favorite footwear , slouchy black cowboy boots that made me feel braver . Just like Calamity Jane . Calamity Jane ? Surely there were some other cowgirls ? Cow women ? Cattle women ? There had to be lots of strong dames in the old west . Running ranches . Holding down the fort . What was wrong with me ? Thinking about cowgirls instead of getting my butt down to the barracks . I went into the bathroom to brush some color on my face . The State Police are housed in a brand new building on Route 107 , right on the line between Royalton and Bethel . I pulled into the parking lot and took a couple of breaths . The barracks intimidated me . I gathered myself together , squared my shoulders and swung out of the car . " Hey MacGowan , " Steve called as I walked in . " I saw your car by the side of the road last night . " He walked over to me . " Everything all right ? " " Not me . Lieutenant Brooks . Like I said yesterday , the VBI pulled this case . I can 't really say anything , but I hope you have a good alibi . " He laughed . " By the way , the inspection sticker on your car has expired . I didn 't want to ticket you , knowing you 'd had a bad day and all , but you might want to get that taken care of before one of the other guys does . " A uniformed officer stepped into view and Steve motioned to him . " Looks like Lieutenant Brooks is ready for you . See you later . Don 't forget to get that car inspected . " I 'd never met Lieutenant Brooks . He was so good looking he made me nervous . I wished I 'd dressed up a little . Not because I wanted to impress him , I felt outclassed . The man knew how to wear a uniform . It amazed me that women weren 't crashing their cars into the barracks every day just to catch a glimpse of him . I followed Brooks into the conference room , his dark hair was out of regulation curling where it touched his collar . I wondered if I should tell him and suppressed the urge to laugh . He probably wouldn 't thank me for telling him he needed a haircut . I wiped my hands on my jeans . What was it about attractive men that made me so dang nervous ? I wrenched my mind back to the matter at hand . He smiled at me as I sat down and I hoped like hell he couldn 't tell what was going on in my head . I ran Brooks through yesterday 's event . I couldn 't think of any new details , and frankly wanted to forget what I did remember . At the end of our interview Lieutenant Brooks looked me in the eye . " Did you have reason to dislike Vera ? " " Because she likes , um , liked to make trouble . If two girls weren 't getting along she 'd team them up just to watch the fireworks . She told Trish that Rose was going out with her boyfriend . Rose wasn 't . She spread the rumor Dotty was pregnant . Dotty hasn 't dated since her husband left her . And while everyone else was busting their butts getting rooms done , she 'd sit on hers and eat . Besides that , if you got on her bad side , you get assigned all the shit jobs to do . " I 'd been on the wrong end of that stick a number of times . He flicked his hand like it was nothing still focused on his notepad . " Just background information . " Now he fixed me with those eyes . " Why work part time as a housekeeper ? It can 't pay all that much . " " And you 're content to remain as a housekeeper ? You aren 't gunning for a management position ? To earn more ? " He was totally focused on me now . " The general manager is a friend of mine . He needed a couple of housekeepers he could rely on to show up . I needed the extra cash . Management isn 't flexible enough to accommodate my job at the Star . " I thought I could see the pattern now . He looked at me when he was interested in my reaction . He looked down when he was pretending the answer didn 't matter . " I was there because Dotty broke a carafe and we keep the extras in that closet . I would have eventually been the one to find Vera anyway . That cottage was on my list of rooms to turn - down last night . " " No . I never know what rooms I 'll be doing on any given night until assignments are made . Why do you want to know this stuff ? " I wanted to ask Steve what he thought , but he wasn 't at his desk or in the incident room . I even took a quick look into the briefing room , but he wasn 't there either . I changed tactics and tracked down Tom in his office . " That 's right . Steve told me he 'd seen you there . I wouldn 't worry . Brooks probably just wanted to talk to you in person . That 's pretty standard . " " I can 't hand out details about an ongoing case without talking to the OIC first . " Tom smiled . " Especially to a newspaper shark like you . " " Officer in charge . In this case , Brooks . Not to change the subject , but I haven 't seen John lately . Do you know what he 's been up to ? " John , my older brother , had been friends with Tom since pre - school . Tom laughed . MacGowans were notorious for not making long - term commitments . The exception was my father who fell hard for my mom in high school and never looked back . His brothers and sisters had never married . I had plenty of cousins ; they just had parents who had never tied the knot . " Talk to your Lieutenant Brooks . I would have been at work hours ago if I didn 't need to come down here . It took me forty minutes just to figure out what to wear . If you 're going to blame anyone for Meg 's cranky mood , blame him . " I zipped down Route 107 to Route 14 and it only took me ten minutes to get into town . I was feeling lucky because I didn 't get stuck behind a tractor , or a flat lander who wasn 't used to dirt roads . And don 't forget leaf peepers . I 'd seen peepers stop in the middle of the road and get out of the car with camera in hand . There were lots of slow moving hazards on Vermont roads . South Royalton is a pretty typical New England Village . An assortment of shops , a couple of churches and one big ass green . The Royalton Star has its office in the upper floor of the row of Brick buildings across from the green over the Laundromat and the café , so we 're never too cold or hungry . I parked next to the green across from our office , jogged across the street and took the stairs two at a time to the second floor . Meg was sitting at my desk frowning when I flung open the door to the office . Her curly bangs had fallen over her eyes and she absentmindedly blew them out of her face . She looked up at me and blinked . " I don 't know how you stare at this computer screen all day . I 've only been here a couple of hours and already my head hurts . Nothing fits right on the page . " " Tom told me . " She squinted back up at me . " You should have called me though . I might have worried . Here take your desk . You can do your job for a while . " She pushed away from my computer . " See what you can do with that mess , will you ? Or we 'll never make it to press tonight . " We went to press every Tuesday night . The paper came out on Wednesday mornings . Every Tuesday we worked like madmen to finish the paper and every Wednesday morning we slept in . Normally , we 'd both be in here early inhaling coffee and working out the bugs together . My visit to the barracks had messed up our schedule . I dropped my bag on the shelf behind my desk and sat at my computer . " This whole Vera thing has me discombobulated . I didn 't sleep great last night . I let my mom get the better of me on the phone this morning and now I 've got the impression that Brooks doesn 't think Vera 's death was an accident . " " No . You should not leave town . They 'll probably have this whole thing straightened out within the week . " Meg looked at the ceiling . " By the way , Tom says your car needs to be inspected . It 's four months overdue . " " Yeah , yeah . Steve told me that too . " I laughed . " He started to tell me that Jim has a stick up his butt . What is it with cops and lawyers , anyway ? " Meg snorted . " He 's right . Jim does have a stick up his butt . Did he come over last night when you told him you found a dead body ? " " Not right over , but he was there by the time I 'd finished the chores . No point in him getting there any earlier than that . And he brought me pizza . " I spent the first couple of hours double - checking ads I 'd designed last week . Then I checked to see if anyone had requested specific page placement . I always try to place ads in logical places ; the fundraising dinners near the calendar , the employment ads in with the classifieds and the birthday announcements that read " Ain 't it nifty , look who 's fifty ! " and featured school pictures sporting goofy smiles , braces and awful glasses , near the local interest articles . Sometimes someone wants to shake things up and get prime placement for their ad on the third page . I 'm fine with that as long as everything fits . Except for the occasional " Crap ! " it was quiet in the office ; our reporters avoid coming in on Tuesdays . They know they 'll get roped into running errands , bringing coffee and lunch . Locals that might be tempted to drop by other days of the week knew better than to show up on a Tuesday . Meg and I could get pretty testy during paste up . Meg took my money and headed down the stairs . I turned my attention back to the computer screen , but my concentration had been broken . I put my head down and closed my eyes . The image of Vera 's face floated into my brain and I pushed it away . I hadn 't smelled the blood the night before , but it was there now , along with the clammy feel of her skin . No . Think of something else . " Too late . " Meg laughed . " I know you were sleeping . And I know why . You let Jim sleep over last night . " She started singing , " He likes you . He wants your babies … " I threw an eraser at her head and missed . " Give me a break . Where 's my soda ? We 'll never get the paper done if I don 't get some caffeine . The Royalton Star , the only paper in Vermont that comes out on a different day every week . " Meg scowled at me and set our sandwiches and sodas on my desk . She grabbed her chair and rolled it over . " How far are you from finishing ? " " What ? Is Jeremy giving you trouble again ? " Meg 's oldest was fourteen and a great kid , but he had a mind of his own and puberty wasn 't treating him kindly . " No . Tom and I haven 't had any time alone together in ages . I 'm not pregnant . " Meg looked down , her face flushed . " You know Scott Howe ? The guy we hired to build the new barn ? " " Um huh , " I nodded . " Hotty Scotty . " Scott Howe is Brad Pitt in a tool belt . He 's in his early thirties and has a reputation as a good , honest contractor and a nice guy . I 'd seen him over at Meg 's . He was easy on the eyes and had a quick smile . " No , it 's more than that . I 'm really attracted to him . If - he - made - a - pass - at - me - I 'd - drag - him - into - my - bed kind of attracted . And I can 't stay away . Whenever I have three seconds free I find myself down at the new barn , flirting . " " Does he flirt back ? " Bells were going off in my head . If Scott made a pass at Meg , things could get really ugly . Tom wouldn 't tolerate another guy hanging around his wife . Meg pulled at the napkin in her hands . " I don 't know . Maybe he 'd be more careful around me . God . I don 't even know if he likes me . " " I never even see Tom anymore . I need companionship , I need affection and I need sex ! If I don 't get some soon I 'm going to burst . And don 't tell me to take care of myself . Doing it alone in the shower is not the same thing ! " " Hey , I didn 't say anything about a shower . " I stood up and walked over to the window . " What do you want to do ? " " I don 't know . I get worn down from all the bickering up at the house . Those kids are at each other all the time . Even with the banging and hammering , the barn seems peaceful and quiet . And Scott is nice to me . " Meg eyes started to tear up . " No one is nice to me anymore . The kids are horrid and Tom doesn 't notice them or me . He comes home late and exhausted , shovels dinner in his mouth and disappears into the den . I guess he still loves me but it 's hard to tell for sure . I thought things would be better when he was promoted to captain , but they 've gotten worse . No money was better than no Tom . " " No ! I 've known Tom my whole life . I don 't think I could keep a secret from him if I tried . He 'd get it out of me . You know he would . " " I know . " Meg spoke quietly . " I 'm not planning an affair . I don 't want to ruin what I 've got with Tom . But if something happens I promise not to tell you . Shoot , I promise not to tell me . I can 't keep secrets from Tom any better than you can . " Meg proofed pages while I worked on getting everything laid out . It was a system we 'd been using for a couple of years . After I 'd worked on something for a while I couldn 't see typos or missing lines and Meg had hawk eyes when it came to that stuff . We printed a hard copy and laid it out on a master so Meg would have copy to mark up . The next morning I called our local auto shop , Rockin ' Rob 's Automotive Repair . Rob could fit me in for an inspection if I got there before ten . I fed my animals , spent a little time grooming my old pony , Lucky , and made myself coffee and an egg sandwich . I ate the sandwich in the car on the way to the auto shop . Eating while driving on the narrow back roads isn 't always the best idea , but I got lucky and didn 't meet anyone coming the other way . Rob 's shop is always spotless inside . He 's the cleanest mechanic I 've ever seen . No tools lying around , grease and oil kept to a minimum . Floor always swept up . I 've never been in his bathroom but I 'm willing to bet the toilet and sink aren 't black with dirt like they are Royalton Video down from the paper . Thank God for evidence that men aren 't genetically incapable of using a toilet brush . Rob McCullough is tall and solid with short dark hair , dark brown eyes , long lashes and an engaging smile . He likes to listen to French music while he 's working on cars and he keeps himself as clean as his shop . He 's got pictures of his motorcycle hanging in the shop and if you encourage him he 'll stand around talking about riding across Canada for half the day . When I was younger I used to have a crush on him . Who am I kidding ? I still think he 's fabulous , but we 've never been more than mechanic and the girl with the Junker . The Junker changes every now and again , but I keep my mechanic . " I 'm guessing you were hoping to drive out of here today . " I nodded and he shook his head . " You 've got a bad ball joint . I can 't give you a new sticker until you get it fixed . " " How much is that going to cost me ? " I love my old Toyota but it 's starting to fall apart . I 'm afraid I 'll be driving on the back roads one day and the thing will just rattle itself to death , leaving a string of car parts in the road behind me . " I 'll call you with an estimate . I 'll need to get in touch with the parts shop . I can get you a quote today but I won 't be able to finish the work right away . I could get it back to you the by end of next week . " " Crud . If I don 't get the dang thing fixed I 'm going to end up with a ticket . If I do get it fixed I 'm going to have to stop eating for a month . " I puffed out some air . " Do you want me to leave it with you ? " I called Jim to see if he could pick me up and take me to the office but he wasn 't answering his cell . I called Meg . But Meg was home with a sick seven - year - old . She called Tom to see if he could pick me up . Tom sent Steve to come get me . I felt like the proverbial hot potato . Rob laughed when he saw the cop car pull in . " Nice taxi you got there . This is going to be good for a few laughs at the bar tonight . I don 't know what 's going to be better , teasing Steve for picking you up , or teasing you for getting picked up by a cop . " He grinned and disappeared back inside his shop . I slid into the passenger seat of Steve 's car . " Thanks for coming to get me . Pretty sad when a state trooper doesn 't have anything better to do than give rides to stranded women . " " The only reason you 're getting a ride is that the boss thinks he needs to watch over you . Otherwise you 'd be walking like everyone else . " He smiled . " Not my place to say . " Steve looked unhappy . He shot me a look . " I don 't want to lose my job , which is what will happen if I tell you anything at this point . " Steve dropped me at my house . I was majorly bummed about my car but I did have a backup . My dad 's old 750 Kawasaki Spectre was stored in my barn . The weather was getting a little chilly for riding , but it was better than puttering around town on a tractor . A tractor could put a real damper on a person 's style . I 'd discovered this in high school when hunky Bucky Osborn dumped his truck in the river and had been reduced to driving his John Deere into town . His date - ability factor dropped dramatically . I tromped into my barn and pulled the sheet off the bike . It wasn 't too dusty . I 'd ridden it during the summer and only put it up for the winter a couple of weeks ago . I got my motorcycle license in my early twenties when my dad bought himself a Honda Goldwing and lent me the Kawasaki . We used to ride together a lot . Zipping up Route 100 on warm summer evenings and riding the scenic road up Stowe Mountain . I checked to see that no essential parts had been chewed by critters and rolled the bike out of the barn . I grabbed the gas can and put a couple of gallons in the tank . The engine turned right over , purring like a big cat . I rode it up to the house and went inside to grab my helmet , gloves and leather jacket . My Dad had drilled the importance of protective gear into me . " I don 't ever want to have to watch someone picking gravel out of that pretty face , " he 'd say to me . I didn 't want anyone picking gravel out of my face either . " Hey , Bree . It 's Rob . It 's four hundred and fifteen dollars to get your car repaired and inspected . And I don 't take credit cards , in case you forgot . " " Okay , Rob . Go ahead and fix it . Thanks , I guess . " What kind of businessperson doesn 't take credit cards ? And where was I going to find four hundred big ones by the end of next week ? Crap and double crap . I pulled on my gear and mounted the bike . I shot off to work to raise the money to fix my car . Our local café is small . Three booths crammed against one wall , with four tables crowding what space was left over the blue and white tile floor . Opposite the booths is a counter normally packed with locals . Most of the time it 's so tight in there you have to reach over someone else 's head to pay the bill . I joined Jim in one of the booths against the wall . Jim studied the menu like he 'd never seen it before . He could be quiet sometimes , but not usually when we were out together . I felt a big , fat ball of unease building in my stomach . There was too much weird stuff going on these days . I touched Jim 's hand . " Just work stuff . Nothing to worry about . At least I don 't think it 's anything to worry about . Guess we 'll have to wait and see . " I stuck my tongue out at Jim . I don 't know what it is about his job that drops my maturity level down to about second grade . I guess I 'm just a Nosey Nora . I don 't like being the one that isn 't in on the secret . " I wish I could give up that job . In order to do that I 'd have to get rid of most of my animals . I just keep getting more and more . I 'm a stray animal magnet . " " I can 't just leave them in the street . And after I pick them up they adopt me . I tried to find Ranger a home . But no . No one else is nutty enough to take on a goofy , giant puppy that thinks he 's the size of a corgi . And he ends up with me . Next thing I know I 'll be overrun with hamsters . Or guinea pigs . Or potbellied pigs . " " You have a serious problem . You can 't get rid of your animals , you can 't eat your animals and you can 't quit working at a dead - end job because of your animals . You 'd never make it as a lawyer . There 's not an ounce of logic in that brain . " " Oh shit ! " I grabbed a handful of napkins and tried to stop the hot liquid from running off the table into his lap . As I reached for a second handful of napkins my hand hit Jim 's coffee cup , sending it flying off the table right into his lap . The waitress ran over with a damp cloth and made as if to mop Jim 's lap . Jim swatted her hand away , took the rag from her and blotted his pants . I felt horrible about the hot coffee but there was a bubble of hysterical laughter rising in my throat . I forced the urge down again but the effort must have shown on my face . " No . " A smile spread across my face despite my efforts to stop it . " I 'm fine . " A snort of laughter forced its way out of me . " Are you laughing at me ? This isn 't exactly funny , you know . My legs are burned . To say nothing of other more sensitive parts . " " I know it 's not funny . " My eyes started to water with the effort . " I 'm sorry . I don 't know why I 'm laughing . " Another snort of laughter burst out of me . Jim pulled on his overcoat . " What 's wrong with you ? Never mind , don 't answer that . I 'm going home to change . " " I 'm sorry . I 'll pay for your suit to be cleaned again . I didn 't mean to laugh . I just couldn 't help it . " He shook his head at me as he stiff - legged it out the door . I paid the bill and apologized to the waitress for making a mess . Then I made my way out the door . I was going to try and put a dent in the pile of work sitting on my desk . I tripped on the way up the stairs , stumbled and came down hard . " Damn ! " I sat on a step and rubbed my stinging knee . Tears welled up in my eyes and a sob rose in my throat . Pull yourself together , I said to myself . First you 're laughing at things that aren 't funny and now you 're crying over nothing . But I couldn 't stop . My knee hurt and it had been such a hellish week . I sat there sobbing until tears ran off my chin . I was afraid that someone might come through the lower door and see me crying , but didn 't want to go in the office either . Meg could have dropped in and she 'd want to know what was wrong . I couldn 't tell her because I didn 't know myself . I gulped in air and wiped my face on the sleeve of my coat . I got up and limped up the stairs into the office . It was empty , thank God . I slipped into the bathroom and blew my nose . Then I splashed water on my face and blotted it off with a paper towel . I rummaged around in my purse and pulled out some mascara . I blinked it through my lashes and took a look at myself in the mirror . I went out and sat down at my desk . I rubbed my knee while my computer came back to life . I was going to hurt for a while . I shook my head . If I didn 't pull myself together they 'd be carting me off to the funny farm . Share The Love : Send a Betty to Belfast : Click to help I 'm a Globe Trooper ! Places Kate hangs out : Travel to Scotland and Ireland with me ! Signup to receive updates and special deals ( no more than once a month ) . |
Sprinkles and I just got back from a trip to Kansas , and it was at a place called Crisis City . I know that sounds a lot like Disaster City , but it was not the same . It was so much fun to travel to a different location where there are all new smells , new rubble piles , and new people to hide and play tug . We flew on an airplane , and Angie made sure that we did not sit close to each other . That is because sometimes we get all silly , like if one of us tries to get a belly rub , the other one will do the same thing . It was not a long flight , and then we drove to our hotel . The next morning we went to Crisis City , where we worked with a group of other dogs and handlers . There were dogs from Washington , Indiana , Florida , New York , Virginia , and Colorado . The weather was cold , and I was so excited . The first thing I did was run the bases , and that was a good way to start the day so I could get rid of some of my crazy energy . Then there was a chance to find somebody in the trains , which was fun . I knew the person was up high , and I stood on my back two legs and barked until the toy dropped down . The rubble piles were different than the ones at Disaster City because there were cars and buses on them . That was cool , to find somebody in a rubble pile who was actually upside down in a car . I was kind of bad , because even though Angie told me to come to her , I had a scent and I jumped on top of the car . I know I should show her more respect . There was also a " village " of many buildings that were kind of like a maze . There were lots of ways in and out , and it gave me a chance to work way out of sight of Angie . I checked several buildings before I found one where a person was hiding . All of the dogs did well . Let me see if I remember their names … Striker , Packer , Trashin , Pinta , and Jesse . Most of them were Labrador Retrievers like me . There were some good tuggers , and I was tired when I got back to Texas . But now I am ready to go train again ! Did you know that tennis balls are not just for dogs ? I have several of them , and I also have tug toys that are made of the same material as the yellow balls . Some squeak , some don 't , some have a rope attached , and some are in the shape of a circle . Today at the park , which is a place that I have been so many times that it is almost embarrassing to tell you it was the first time I noticed 2 people in a place where there was a fence , and a net that went across . They were using some kind of object to hit tennis balls over the net to each other . When I saw this , I just stopped outside of the fence , and watched the balls go back and forth across the net . My head was going from side to side as I kept a close eye on the action . Finally , when I couldn 't wait , I ran toward where the 2 people were hitting the balls . As soon as I did , Angie yelled , " Sammie , COME ! " It turns out that there is a game called " tennis " and it is not a game for dogs . I think it 's funny that humans and dogs use the same toy , but just for different reasons . Did you know that some dogs are a combination of 2 different breeds ? For example , there are dogs who are part poodle and part Labrador . They are called Labradoodles . And there are others who do not have a name , but you can tell by looking at them that they are a mix of dogs . It 's kind of like when a peanut butter and jelly sandwich gets smushed together , and you can 't see each as a separate thing , just the way it looks after the smushing . I know a dog named Sneakers who is part Catahoula and part Bassett Hound . If you look at a picture of those 2 , you will think , wow , that must be a funny looking dog . Sneakers is very low to the ground with short legs , but her fur has markings like a Catahoula , which is a breed used for hunting . She is all black and grey except for a white patch on her stomach . And she does not like people to touch her . Sneakers and I like to run at the park , but we don 't play together , share toys , or chase each other . I am usually playing retrieve with somebody , while Sneakers hunts for squirrels . She walks very slowly , nose to the ground , but when she smells a squirrel , she takes off fast . The other thing she does is roll around in grass and leaves . She gets on her back , with her short legs in the air , and when she gets up , her back is covered in grass and leaves . Good girl , Sneakers , for being a super squirrel chaser - even though you never catch one ! Are you asking yourself if I am learning a new sport ? Am I going to play for a team that is not Texas Task Force ! ? No , of course not . But I did go to a camp for kids where they were all lined up against the side of a basketball court that was inside of a building . Here is what happened . Angie and I waited for them to come in , and then she talked about how we work together to help people . The first thing I noticed was that the floor was not like grass , or rubble , but very smooth and slick . It was cool inside , but the floor was different . And when it was time for me to find somebody who was hiding behind a big screen , Angie said , " Search ! " and I took off running . But it was impossible to run fast because my pads would slip on the floor . When the person played tug with me , I also had a hard time because my pads did not have a good surface to grip . Still , I held on , and everybody was excited to watch me . After all , any tugging is fun for me . At the end , some kids wanted to pet me , but the really little ones did not . Angie always tells them , " It is ok to pet Sammie , but it is never ok to pet a dog you do not know . You must always ask first . " Posted by I am still not sure . We were on our way to training , and I think we were going to Disaster City , because we got a very early start . And then , after only a short drive , the car started to move in a strange way , like it was having trouble . I know cars don 't get hurt , but it was almost like that . Angie pulled over and even from my kennel , I could tell she was worried . We did not drive anymore . We waited until this giant truck arrived . I heard Angie call it a " toe truck . " ( Why ? It does not have feet , so how could it have toes ? ) Our car went on this slanted platform on the back of the truck , because we could not drive our car . It was not safe , and you know how important safety is . Angie asked the driver if it was OK for me to ride with her in the truck , and the man said yes , as long as I stayed on the floor . Well , of course , it was just like riding on a bus , or an airplane , but this time it was in a truck that smelled terrible and was very dirty . When we got to the place where our car would be fixed , we loaded up into another car we could use for a few days . It did not have room for my kennel , so I curled up on the floor . When Angie took out the bag with her helmet , I thought , maybe we can still go to Disaster City . But she called Sasha 's dad , and he said it was going to be such a hot day , that by the time we got there , it would be too late . This day did not go the way we planned , and I really , really wanted to go to Disaster City . But I have to remember : Safety first , Sammie ! It was not really a vacation , because my family was not with me . But I did have a good time staying with Anne and all of the other dogs who were there . I was not showing my best obedience , I know , because Anne told Angie . That is true , but Anne is not my mom . I should have behaved in a better way , but I just didn 't . Here is the funny part . Angie 's friend , Patti , came to get me and take me home so that when Angie , Chris and Kip returned from their trip , I would be waiting for them . Patti and I curled up together on the couch and took a nap . Then Patti gave me dinner , and left the house … . and she forgot to put me in my kennel ! So when Angie walked in the door , I was right there to meet her . I could tell that she was not expecting me to be out of my kennel . She checked all of the places I could have gotten into trouble , and the first place she looked was where my toothbrush and toothpaste are . She knows that I sometimes sneak into the bathroom , and get those 2 items . I was such a good dog , and even though I could have caused some trouble , I did not . I was too tired from all of the dogs barking and the fireworks keeping me awake while I stayed with Anne , so I just slept while my kennel door was wide open . I am so glad that my family and I are together again , and that our vacations are finished ! Angie and Chris are home a lot during the summer , and I get the feeling they would like for me to stay in my kennel all the time , like I do during the rest of the year . I don 't think that is fair , so sometimes when they don 't pay enough attention to me , I make low sounds in my throat . Not growls , more like whining . And when they go somewhere and don 't take me , I can hear the car pulling up in the driveway , and I start making those same sounds . But today , Angie took me with her to get her hair cut , and there was a cool tile floor that felt so good on my stomach . Some of her hair dropped on my fur , but I didn 't mind . Her friend , Sebastian , used a towel to get it off . He is always glad to see me , and sometimes he plays rough with me . You know , dogs like for everything to stay the same , or at least I do . I eat , go outside , go to sleep , and wake up every day at pretty much the same time . But the summer is different , and I know that Chris , Angie and Kip are getting ready to leave me behind for more than one day . All of their stuff is packed up , and none of mine is included . This means I am going to a place where there are lots of dogs whose humans need for them to wait while they leave town . It is ok , but I will sure be glad when my family comes back home ! We sometimes go to schools or other places to talk about and show people what kind of work we do . Today it was a school , and I am so tired that I am taking a nap soon . My eyes are almost closed . We visited 5 classrooms , and here are some of the things I did . I showed them how I played tug , and even some of the strong boys tugged with me . I could tell that they didn 't expect me to be so strong . I hupped on a couple of chairs , and also demonstrated an emergency down . And I also searched for students who were hiding under tables or desks . This kind of day is training in how to be calm , follow directions , and listen to other people talk . And it is not all about me being on a rubble pile ; instead I am in a small room . I was not on my best behavior , because I wanted to work . Angie was dressed for training , and it was not the kind that I like . Sometimes I barked at her when she was talking . By the end of the day , I just put my head on the floor , and chilled out . No barking . Many students wanted to pet me , which was fine . One girl told Angie that she wanted to take me home , and one boy asked if he could bring me dinner . Of course , Angie said no to both of them . She would never let another person take me away from her . So I guess it was not such a bad day after all ! A Busy Weekend We spent 2 days at a training exercise for people and dogs . We rode on a bus to Disaster City , and then with a lot of people and 3 other dogs , we followed directions about what to do . Here is the strange thing . All of the people had to wear these white pants and shirts that were on top of their real clothes . They also wore big rubber boots on top of their real boots , and masks on their faces . Everybody looked very different , but kind of the same . I did not get to work very much . I did a search around the outside of a building , not able to go inside . Still I was able to smell people in the building , so I barked where my nose told me was the right place , and Angie gave me a toy . And later that day , we got back on the bus to go to a building to spend the night . We went back to Disaster City when it was still night time . Then we got back on the bus to spend the night one more time . Here is what I know . Sometimes , the dogs must wait , stay in their kennels , and wait some more . They might have jobs , but they do not always get to work . So all of us need to be able to relax , and not get upset . We all love to search , but we don 't always get what we want ! Something is up . In case of a deployment , I travel with a bag that is just for my stuff , like my food , leashes , toys , bowls , and a mat for my crate . There must be enough food for 14 days , just in case we are away from home for that long . Angie took all of the food out of my bag , and replaced it with fresh kibble . I think she wanted to make sure that there was not old food that could make me sick . And now , there are all of Angie 's bags , and there are 3 of those , that are spread out around the living room . I know that it is Kip 's job to load these heavy bags into the car , but right now they are still in the house . She wants to make sure that there are enough uniforms , socks , and sleeping stuff to last for 14 days , so she has been busy checking each bag . Oh , wait , I think I know what is going on . I heard her say something about a training exercise this weekend , where we will practice everything so we will be ready for the real thing . We will need to have all of our bags with us , and that is why she is making sure we have everything we need . Hey , as long as I have my food and my toys , I am a happy dog ! This story is not about kindness to me or by me . It is about something that Angie did on the way back from the park . I saw what happened , and I was a part of it in a small way . She stopped for gas , and I saw this lady walk up to her , and start talking . The back of the car was open , and I was in my kennel . Then she walked up to my kennel , and she said , " I miss my dog so much . I was married for 50 years , and lived in a big house , and my dog died a few months ago , after my husband died . And now I live all by myself , and today I am not feeling well . " It turns out that she took some new medicine , and felt like she could not drive home . Angie asked if she would like a ride home . I know it is not a good idea to let strangers in the car , but this lady needed somebody to help her . As soon as she got in the front seat , she started crying , and Angie gave her a tissue and a bottle of water . It was a short ride to where she lived , and before she went inside , she asked to pet me . Angie let her , and I felt her tears on my fur . It must be hard to be by yourself , with no friends or family to help . Sometimes a small act of kindness can mean a lot to a person , or an animal . Posted by Every year there is a weekend where dogs and humans come from all over the United States to train together . It is always fun to meet new friends and see people , and dogs , that I remember . This year there were more of them than ever before , and I can tell you that there were many states who sent teams - New York , Florida , New Mexico , California , Virginia , Indiana , Missouri . Angie and I were part of a group and we worked together the entire weekend . It is amazing that with so many dogs , there were no problems . We all stayed in our kennels when we were not working , and when we went to different locations , we were always on lead . This weekend was about training , not getting to know each other . Although we kind of did , because we were in kennels that were close together . My favorite dog was a giant black lab named Pilot , and he was from Florida . He was young and very energetic . Sprinkles and I stayed together in a hotel room . As a special treat , Angie brought us both chew bones . You should have seen Sprinkles throwing hers in the air and catching it with her mouth . We both slept great because we worked so hard during the day . Our favorite part of the weekend was getting to search on the trains , where somebody was hiding up in the space where the luggage is kept … or on the top part of a bed . We would run fast and then , boom , there was that smell that could only mean one thing , that a person is waiting to play tug ! The part of the weekend that I did not like so much was when the Vet Team decided that I would be the dog whose leg would get bandaged . This was not because I was hurt , but just to show everybody how to do it the right way . I had to lay still while this happened . You know that is hard for me , and then I got up and kind of limped around with 3 legs . I love my vets , and so it was okay to help them . It can 't always be all about me ! February is something called " Responsible Pet Owners ' Month . " I know there is a day that is also about love , hearts , mush mush mush , when Kip brings Angie flowers , and they hug . I might add that I am not allowed to nibble on the flowers . Oh , right , I was talking about the other way the month is special . Responsibility means a lot to dogs . Here are some ways that Angie is a responsible owner , although I am not a pet , but a working dog with a job . The ways that she takes care of me are : Even though some food smells delicious , I get nothing but dog food . Nothing from the plates of Kip , Angie , and Chris . I might want it , but by now I know that is not happening . Thank you to my family for taking such good care of me . Oh , and one more thing that is a little bit embarrassing . I am a girl dog , but I had an operation so I cannot have puppies . That was a responsible decision , and I am one lucky dog ! When the weather gets cold , like it is right now , sometimes you hear on the radio or email , " When cold weather occurs , remember to protect people , pets , and plants . " So what does that mean for dogs ? For sure , it means that they should stay inside , especially when the temperatures are below freezing . And even though Texas stays warmer than states like New York or Maine , it can get cold here . Some dogs grow a winter coat , which means that their fur gets thicker and longer to keep them warm . Some dogs actually wear vests that are designed to help keep them warm when it is cold . I have a vest that is orange and black , and even if I get wet , the part of my body under the vest stays warm and dry . I have seen small dogs wear the silliest looking coats , with little hoods , and fleece . When we go to training , Angie puts a soft , thick pad in my kennel . And she makes sure that the cold air does not get to the back of the car . Some people think that it is okay to leave their dogs in the car while they go someplace , but that is a bad idea . Cars can be like refrigerators in the winter , holding in the cold and causing animals to freeze to death . My favorite way of staying warm in the winter is to get in the kennel with Sasha . That dog has such thick , soft fur , and being close to her helps me stop shivering . I am one of those dogs who does not have a thick winter coat , so even though I want to keep working , Angie makes sure I don 't get too cold . This is a word that means you no longer get to play at Disaster City , or go on deployments with the rest of the team if other people need help , like when we went to Arkansas last spring after the tornadoes . This is not something that I am worried about , because I am still a young dog . But one day it could be my turn to retire . There have been several dogs who retired , and Cojo was the most recent one . That dog has been such a good friend , and always ready to train . We would often sleep in kennels next to each other , and he was a good sleeper , never making noise during the night . He is one of the dogs whose tail was as long as mine when we met , but later something happened and part of it either fell off or … well , I don 't want to think about what else could have happened to it . He had the best bark . It was more like a howl , all of these barks close together . On the last day that Cojo trained at Disaster City , Angie and some other people were sad . Angie wanted to make sure that she was on the pile for his last search problem . And when he found the person who was hiding , he got a stuffed rabbit toy that was as big as Oscar , no , even bigger than that cat . And he ripped it into small pieces , and tore every bit of the soft stuffing out of the rabbit 's body . He shook it from side to side and was having the best time ever . It was everywhere on the pile , so much that his human brought a garbage bag up there so that the stuffing could be cleaned up . I bet there are still some pieces that are left . This is an event at the fire station where lots of people come to see everything that goes on . Everybody works to make a demonstration or a contest that will be fun for the visitors , and there are always lots of kids , and even babies . No pets are allowed . There are fire trucks all around , a helicopter , small fires that are easy to put out , ladders with firefighters climbing , and this time there was even a dalmation dog walking around . This is a white dog with black spots that has been known to be a fire truck dog , but I don 't know if the dog really does anything , I wore my Search vest , and for part of the day , I was the dog who everybody got a chance to pet . That is the most exhausting part , because it is very loud , and there are so many people . And some of the kids were holding stuffed animals , which is a big temptation . Angie told them , " Please put that behind your back or give it to your mom . Sammie might think it is a toy for her . " Well , yes , of course that is what I thought . The best part of the day was when all of the dogs showed what they could do . Sprinkles demonstrated a bark barrel , where a human was hiding , and after she smelled him and barked , he played tug with her . Sasha climbed the ladder , walked across the high plank , and went through a tunnel . And I got to run the bases , which means Angie showed me with her hand a pattern of hup tables to run . I LOVE running these , and I was so fast , I could feel my tail sticking straight out . When Angie said , " All done , Sammie , " I raced toward her , and she threw me a toy . Thanks to everybody who worked hard to make FireFest a success ! |
Searching is easy ! Type in a keyword , phrase , or exact wording and you will be directed to the results . You can also click on " view all books " beneath the search box to run a more advanced search , and to scroll through all of the books in our database . Molly Ayer has been in foster care since she was eight years old . Most of the time , Molly knows it 's her attitude that 's the problem , but after being shipped from one family to another , she 's had her fair share of adults treating her like an inconvenience . So when Molly 's forced to help an elderly woman clean out her attic for community service , Molly is wary . Just another adult to treat her like a troublemaker . But from the very moment they meet , Molly realizes that Vivian , a well - off ninety - one - year - old , isn 't like any of the adults she 's encountered before . Vivian asks Molly questions about her life and actually listens when Molly responds . Molly soon sees they have more in common than she thought . Vivian was once an orphan , too - an Irish immigrant to New York City who was put on a train to the Midwest with hundreds of other children - and she can understand , better than anyone else , the emotional binds that have been making Molly 's life so hard . Together , they not only clear boxes of past mementos from Vivian 's attic , but forge a path of friendship , forgiveness , and new beginnings for their future . 2 . In the prologue Vivian mentions that her " true love " died when she was 23 , but she doesn 't mention the other big secret in the book . Why not ? 6 . In Women of the Dawn , a nonfiction book about the lives of four Wabanaki Indians excerpted in the epigraph , Bunny McBride writes : " In portaging from one river to another , Wabanakis had to carry their canoes and all other possessions . Everyone knew the value of traveling light and understood that it required leaving some things behind . Nothing encumbered movement more than fear , which was often the most difficult burden to surrender . " How does the concept of portaging reverberate throughout this novel ? What fears hamper Vivian 's progress ? Molly 's ? 7 . Vivian 's name changes several times over the course of the novel : from Niamh Power to Dorothy Nielsen to Vivian Daly . How are these changes significant for her ? How does each name represent a different phase of her life ? 9 . How did Vivian 's first - person account of her youth and the present - day story from Molly 's third - person - limited perspective work together ? Did you prefer one story to the other ? Did the juxtaposition reveal things that might not have emerged in a traditional narrative ? 10 . In what ways , large and small , does Molly have an impact on Vivian 's life ? How does Vivian have an impact on Molly 's ? 12 . When Vivian finally shares the truth about the birth of her daughter and her decision to put May up for adoption she tells Molly that she was " selfish " and " afraid . " Molly defends her and affirms Vivian 's choice . How did you perceive Vivian 's decision ? Were you surprised she sent her child to be adopted after her own experiences with the Children 's Aid Society ? 13 . When the children are presented to audiences of potential caretakers , the Children 's Aid Society explains adoptive families are responsible for the child 's religious upbringing . What role does religion play in this novel ? How do Molly and Vivian each view God ? 14 . When Vivian and Dutchy are reunited she remarks , " However hard I try , I will always feel alien and strange . And now I 've stumbled on a fellow outsider , one who speaks my language without saying a word . " How is this also true for her friendship with Molly ? 15 . When Vivian goes to live with the Byrnes Fanny offers her food and advises , " You got to learn to take what people are willing to give . " In what ways is this good advice for Vivian and Molly ? What are some instances when their independence helped them ? 16 . Molly is enthusiastic about Vivian 's reunion with her daughter , but makes no further efforts to see her own mother . Why is she unwilling or unable to effect a reunion in her own family ? Do you think she will someday ? 17 . Vivian 's Claddagh cross is mentioned often throughout the story . What is its significance ? How does its meaning change or deepen over the course of Vivian 's life ? Molly , sitting next to Jack in the backseat of the car , eyes the house . Three full stories . More windows than she can count . Carved curlicues around the roof . The white paint is fresh and gleaming . This is the house where Jack 's mom works for a rich old lady . And now Molly is - maybe - going to work for that rich old lady too . All because she stole a book . Well , she didn 't actually steal it . Although it 's true she was going to . Molly had been in the Spruce Harbor Public Library , on her knees in the fiction section with three copies of The Secret Garden on the shelf in front of her . She 'd pulled all three copies off the shelf . Put the hardcover back . Then the newer paperback too . The one she kept was old and dog - eared , the cover missing a corner , the yellowed pages beginning to come loose from the cheap binding . She figured nobody would miss it , and she slipped it into her backpack . But when Molly put the backpack over her shoulders and stood up , the librarian , Mrs . LeBlanc , swooped down on her like a homing pigeon . She called Ralph and Dina , Molly 's foster parents . Dina hit the roof . Molly had way too many problems , she said . " I don 't know , " Molly said . But that wasn 't entirely true . The Secret Garden is all about a girl who has to leave her home and travel to a cold , rainy place where nobody wants her . A girl who scowls and sulks and says horrible things and still ends up with a home - a mansion , actually - and a family . And Jack - who is the best friend Molly 's ever had - heard his mom grumbling about needing to help Mrs . Daly clean out her attic , and came up with the idea for Molly to do it instead . If Mrs . Daly likes Molly . If she says yes . His mom pivots to look at Molly . " What Jack means is , you need to mind your manners . Don 't slouch . Say please and thank you . " " Come on , you two , " his mom says . " Might as well get this over with . " She gets out of the car and heads up the walk toward the house . Molly is suddenly nervous . She looks down at her too - big pink blouse and attempts to tuck it into her skirt . The blouse is Dina 's ; she insisted Molly borrow it , saying it would be disrespectful to Mrs . Daly to wear her usual black T - shirt over black jeans over worn - out black tennis shoes . " Maybe if you look a little more respectable , Mrs . Daly will overlook that blue streak in your hair , " Dina said . " No . Just that you have to do a community service project . She thinks it 's for school , like everybody has to do one , " he says . " Got it ? " Then he bounds out of the car and waits for Molly on the driveway . Molly slides out more slowly . So this rich lady doesn 't know that Molly is a thief . That 's good - right ? Maybe . Maybe not . Maybe it means that Mrs . Daly will expect Molly to be what she definitely isn 't - just like every other kid . Molly feels like she is shrinking inside herself , getting smaller with each step as she follows Jack 's mom inside and down a long hall . She tugs at the collar of the stupid pink blouse , thinking about the scene in The Secret Garden when Mary Lennox arrived at Misselthwaite Manor . When Mary got there , her uncle insisted that she get rid of all her dark clothes . " I won 't have a child dressed in black , wandering about like a lost soul , " he said . Molly feels like a fake in this outfit , and a bad fake at that . When was the last time she wore something pink ? Or a blouse with a collar ? At the end of the hallway is a closed door . Jack 's mom pauses before it and knocks softly . " Vivian ? " She opens the door a crack . " All right for us to come in ? " Molly hears the faint reply beyond the door : " Why , certainly . " Jack 's mom opens the door wider , and Molly and Jack follow her into a large sunny living room . The wide windows are filled with the bright , restless blue of the sea . Sitting in a red wingback chair , wearing a snug cream - colored sweater that looks as soft as a kitten 's fur , is an old lady . The old lady . The one who owns this giant house . Nod and smile , Molly thinks . She nods and smiles and holds out her hand for Mrs . Daly to take . The old woman 's hand is dry and cool . " Nice to meet you , Molly , " she says . " All right , then . I have some things to do in the kitchen , " Jack 's mother says . " Jack , why don 't you come with me ? " Molly fights an urge to start babbling . She 'd like to explain to Mrs . Daly that Jack came up with this terrible idea and then asked his mom . Although Molly doesn 't know that much about real moms - moms who actually take care of their kids - she can tell that his mom doesn 't say no to Jack , not much , not when it 's something he really wants . And so Molly 's here . But now that Mrs . Daly has seen Molly , has seen the blue streak in her dark hair and the look on her face ( Molly 's trying not to have that look on her face , but it 's there , she can feel it ) , they can all quit pretending that Molly is the kind of kid who does community service in people 's attics . And she can just go . Like always . " How on earth do you achieve that effect - the blue stripe ? " Mrs . Daly asks . She reaches up and brushes the hair at her own temple . Smile and nod . But Mrs . Daly has asked her a question , so Molly has to answer : " Um . . . I separated out this one part and bleached it . Then I went back and dyed it blue . " Mrs . Daly leans back in her chair . " Excuse my bluntness , but at my age there 's no point beating around the bush . Your hair . . . and your fingernails . . . " Molly glances down at her fingernails . She left most of her thrift store rings at home , but she kind of forgot about the chipped black polish . " You borrowed that blouse , I assume ? " " You needn 't have bothered . It doesn 't suit you . " She waves a hand , which Molly takes to mean that she can sit down . She picks a matching armchair across from Mrs . Daly and perches on the edge of the seat cushion . " By the way , you can call me Vivian . I never liked ' Mrs . Daly . ' My husband is dead , you know . " " No need to be sorry . It was eight years ago . Anyway , I am in my nineties . Not many people I once knew are still alive . " Molly isn 't sure what she is supposed to say to this . Sorry , again ? Or of course not ? Maybe wow ? She just nods once more and makes a mental note to tell Jack that Mrs . Daly - Vivian ? - is close to a century old ! She wouldn 't have guessed , but then she hasn 't known many elderly people to compare . The only grandmother she can remember died of cancer when Molly was three . Molly lets her gaze slide from Vivian 's face to the bright sunlight and shimmering water on the other side of the windows . " My mom 's alive . But yes , I call myself an orphan . " " Why ? " Vivian doesn 't sound as if she feels particularly sorry for Molly . Or horrified . Or weirdly intrigued , the way people can be when they find out about Molly 's family . When she thinks back , she can recall the smell of their trailer , mildew and cigarette smoke , the way the TV seemed to be on all the time . She remembers pulling open the refrigerator door when it was still big and heavy to her , and rummaging inside to find things to eat - cold hot dogs , maybe some leftover pizza . She 'd do that whenever her mother was at work . And sometimes even when she was home . Molly has lived in Maine her entire life . She 's never even crossed the state line . She remembers bits and pieces of when she was a little kid on the reservation on Indian Island - the community center with pickups parked all around , Sockalexis Bingo Palace , St . Anne 's Church . She remembers the cornhusk doll her dad gave her with black yarn hair and moccasins and a long fringed dress that she kept on a shelf in her room . The truth is , she would 've preferred a Barbie , like the ones donated by charities and doled out at the community center around Christmas . ( They were never the popular ones like Beauty Queen Barbie or Cinderella Barbie . Instead they were the kind you find on clearance at Walmart - Hot Rod Barbie , Jungle Barbie . ) But Vivian doesn 't want to hear about toys . Where should Molly start ? She knows by now that people don 't want to hear everything . There 's a lot they 'd rather not know , and a lot she 'd rather not tell . " Well . " She picks a bit of nail polish off one finger . " I 'm a Penobscot Indian on my father 's side . When I was young , we lived on a reservation near Old Town . " She tells the rest of the story in a few sentences - her mom and dad couldn 't take care of her , so she ended up with Ralph and Dina . She doesn 't mention the car crash that killed her father , how her mom got worse and worse after he died until the caseworker stepped in . There weren 't any foster families on the reservation who could take her , so she ended up getting shuffled around before landing with Ralph and Dina . " And she came up with the brilliant idea for you to help clean out my attic . Seems like a bad bargain for you . There 's nothing you 'd rather do ? " " Then you are even stranger than you appear , " Vivian says with a smile . Normally Molly would be offended , but for some reason she isn 't . Is it because there 's nothing in Vivian 's voice to show that she thinks strange is the same thing as bad ? Not like the girls at school , the way they look at Molly and whisper " Weird . " Vivian only seems amused by the idea of a sixth grader who likes to tidy things . Leaning forward in her chair , Vivian says , " I 'll tell you something . By your definition I 'm an orphan , too . So we have that in common . " Molly isn 't sure how to answer . She 's never met a grown - up who talks about being an orphan . Don 't you have to be a kid to be an orphan ? But she has to admit she 's curious . " Your parents . . . " she asks hesitantly , watching Vivian 's face carefully for a sign that she 's saying the wrong thing . " They didn 't take care of you ? " People from their village in County Galway were always fleeing to America . In Ireland , potatoes rotted in the fields , and children cried from hunger . Many young men in their village went off to fight the British . Some came back wounded or grimly silent . Some didn 't come back at all . What they found were the grimy streets of lower Manhattan , a dishwashing job for Da at a pub , and a small apartment on Elizabeth Street for ten dollars a month . There was a bedroom for Niamh and her brothers and sister , an even smaller one for Mam and Da , a kitchen , and a parlor . There was , indeed , a weak electric light that Niamh could pull on with a chain , and a small , stained sink where cold water ran from a faucet . Da 's paycheck from the pub was barely enough to feed all four children , and Ma seemed listless much of the time . And it was hard to get used to the great crowds of people , all speaking different languages . Surely there were more people on Elizabeth Street than in their entire village back in Ireland . Some of them twisted up their faces or spat in disgust as soon as Niamh opened her mouth and her Irish voice tumbled out . She still can 't get over the size of the house . Fourteen rooms ! For one person ! In one of Molly 's past foster homes , there were four rooms for seven people ; three were kids younger than Molly . She 'd been told on the first day it would be her job to look after them . In Molly 's hands are the supplies Terry gave her downstairs - a slippery stack of white garbage bags , a small knife with a plastic handle and a serrated edge , and a notebook with a pen clipped to it . Now Terry reaches the top of the stairs and pauses . " Yikes ! Where to start , Vivi ? " she asks . Standing behind her , Molly peers around . Floor to ceiling , the attic is packed with cardboard boxes . Overhead , pink insulation peeks out between rafters . The only open area is around the narrow windows that let in slivers of natural light and a view of the bay outside . Molly tugs her phone out of her pocket and looks at the time . 4 : 15 . She 's supposed to stay until six today , and then come back for two hours twice a week after school , and two hours on Saturday too , until the attic is finished or she 's done her twenty hours . Whichever comes first . " It 'll be good to clear all this stuff out , Vivi , " Terry is saying . " I 'm going to do some laundry . Call if you need me ! " She nods to Molly and scuttles down the stairs . Molly peers at a box close to her . The label says Valuables . How valuable could the stuff be , she wonders , if Vivian hasn 't needed it in all this time ? But - twenty years ! Vivian 's had this stuff for longer than Molly has been alive . And she 's never even looked at it ! Tossing it all into a Dumpster doesn 't seem like such an unreasonable idea . Plus it would make her job a whole lot easier . It was Ralph who wanted to take in a foster kid in the first place . Still , at their house she 's got a bedroom to herself , and the fridge is full of food , and she has her own cell phone , even if Jack 's the only person who ever calls . It could be a lot worse . Maisie sensed it first . She wouldn 't stop crying . Since Maisie was a month old she had slept with Niamh on her narrow cot . Their room was dark , with no windows ; Niamh couldn 't even see her brothers , Dominick and James , six - year - old twins , huddled together on their pallet on the floor . Everyone in Niamh 's family was thin ; days went by when they had little more than rubbery potatoes in weak broth for supper . Eighteen - month - old Maisie weighed no more than a bundle of rags in Niamh 's arms . When Maisie finally stopped sobbing , Niamh held her close and the two of them drifted to sleep . Probably the smoke had stupefied the boys , neighbors said later . Probably Da hadn 't been able to rouse them . And then had not been able to get out himself . But Mam , holding Maisie , was not behind her . Maybe she 'd turned back to look for Da . Maybe she 'd missed her footing and stumbled . If only Niamh had paid closer attention to why the baby was crying . If only she had realized that more was wrong than the hunger in Maisie 's belly and the sweltering heat of the summer night . Maybe Maisie smelled smoke from the fire before any of the older children . Da , James , and Dominick had been carried out under white sheets . But men had carried Mam away on a stretcher , and Maisie was with her . There was still hope for them . Somehow she fell asleep , her throat sore from tears and the harsh smoke . In the morning Mr . Schatzman woke her to tell her that he and Mrs . Schatzman had figured out a perfect solution . They would take her to the Children 's Aid Society the next day . There were people there who helped children , he told Niamh . She 'd be fed and warm and dry . Bending down , Molly scans the labels on the cardboard boxes surrounding her . " Okay , so . . . I guess we start with the earliest first ? This one says ' World War II . ' Is there anything before that ? " " Yes . " Vivian gets to her feet , squeezes between two stacks of boxes , and makes her way toward the cedar chests . She stops near a pile that looks ready to topple at her touch . " The earliest stuff is over here , I think . " Molly holds the coat up , inspecting it . It 's sort of a military style with black buttons . The gray silk lining is coming to pieces , and something falls through a disintegrating pocket to bounce on the floor . A penny , dark with age . Vivian gasps . Her face is pale . Molly looks closely at her , afraid she might have a heart attack or a stroke or something . Doesn 't that happen to old people sometimes ? Molly lays the coat across a box and gets to her hands and knees . She fishes the coin out from under a cedar chest . She hasn 't seen a penny like this before - on the front is Abraham Lincoln 's familiar head , but on the back are two ears of wheat with the words ONE CENT in big letters in the middle . Maybe that 's how you get to be rich , Molly thinks , by making sure you keep track of every penny . Vivian holds out a hand and Molly drops the coin into it . " Is there anything else in the pockets ? " Vivian asks . She still looks a little ashen . Molly wonders if she should call Terry , but it 's not like Vivian has fallen over or can 't talk or anything . If she wanted Terry , she could call for her herself . Going through the coat 's pockets , Molly discovers a folded piece of lined paper , worn almost to nothing at the creases . She unfolds it cautiously to find a child 's careful script in faint pencil : Upright and do right make all right . Upright and do right make all right . Upright and do right . . . Vivian takes the paper from her and spreads it out on her knee , looking more like herself now . " I remember doing this . I was copying Miss Larsen 's writing on the board . She had the most beautiful penmanship . " " Yeah , everything 's on computer . " Molly is suddenly struck by the fact that Vivian wrote these words on this sheet of paper at least eighty years ago , when she was a kid herself . Her mind boggles at the thought . Surely Vivian , a rich white lady in a big old house , was never anything like Molly . " Things have changed a lot since you were my age , huh ? " she asks . Well , Terry washes dishes in a sink , Molly thinks . " I don 't watch much television . I don 't need a computer . In a lot of ways my life is the same as it was twenty or even forty years ago . " Vivian picks up the coat gingerly and holds it out in front of her . " That 's a very good question . But I have a question for you . Where is that mother of yours ? " Even her social worker backs off when Molly uses that voice . " So we should get rid of the coat , then ? Put it on the Goodwill pile ? Or throw it out ? " A thin , scowling matron in a white bonnet beckoned with a bony finger . She must have known Niamh was Irish from the papers Mr . Schatzman filled out when he brought her in to the Children 's Aid Society several weeks ago . Or maybe she could tell from Niamh 's accent , still as thick as peat . There was a line of children behind Niamh on the windy , chilly train platform . They 'd been shuffling forward for what seemed like forever , so that each child could be inspected and checked off on a list . Finally it was Niamh 's turn . " Unfortunate , " the plump woman agreed . " And those freckles ! It 's hard enough to get placed out at her age . " She frowned at her paper . " Nee - AM ? That 's your name ? " The woman tsked and shook her head . " I hope you 're not attached to that name , young miss , " she said . " Because I can promise if you 're lucky enough to be chosen , your new parents will change it in a second . " The thin matron licked her thumb and pushed the hair out of Niamh 's face . " Don 't want to scare them away , do you ? You must keep it neat and pulled back . " She pointed at Niamh 's necklace . " What is that ? " Niamh remembered what her gram said when she gave her the cross . " The hands are for friendship . Holding hands , see ? The heart is love . And the crown is loyalty . " " She gave it to me in Ireland , before we came over . It 's - it 's the only thing I have left . " This was true , and it was also true that she said it hoping the women would feel sorry for her and let her keep the necklace . There were about twenty of them , all ages , the girls in dresses with white pinafores and thick stockings , the boys in knickers that buttoned below the knee , white shirts , neckties , thick wool jackets . A tall woman in a black bonnet and a droopy , thin man with a droopy brown mustache guarded the group . Niamh remembered meeting them back at the Children 's Aid : the man was Mr . Curran , and the woman was Mrs . Scatcherd . They 'd be chaperones for the children on the train . It was warm for October , and Niamh 's braids stuck to her neck . In one hand she clutched a small brown suitcase that held everything she owned in the world - a bible , two sets of clothes , a hat , a black coat several sizes too small , a pair of shoes . When she was admitted to the Children 's Aid orphanage some weeks later , they gave her the clothes and this coat . Embroidered inside the coat was her name - Niamh Power . They all lined up . Niamh felt lonelier than she ever had in her life . She 'd lost her entire family . But her story , she knew , wasn 't worse than the others . Every one of the children had a sad tale behind them - otherwise , they would not be there , about to step on a train and be carried away from the Children 's Aid Society and New York City into a life they could not even begin to imagine . Molly is sitting with her social worker at a table in the school 's science lab . All the other kids are eating lunch in the cafeteria . But Molly - lucky her - gets to eat with Lori every Tuesday . " So how 's the community service going ? " Lori asks . She has bright eyes like shiny buttons and a small , pointy nose that , as far as Molly 's concerned , she likes to stick in Molly 's business . Lori picks at the salad she packed in a Tupperware container . " I 'll take that as an okay . But , Molly , you 've really got to make an effort there . No more . . . problems , okay ? We want things to go smoothly for you for a while . " It 's not like Molly goes looking for problems . She 'd love for everything to go smoothly for a while . It just never seems to work out that way . She peels apart the sandwich , pulls the baloney out of the middle , and leans over to drop it in a garbage can next to the table . " Yeah . " Molly puts the pieces of bread back together , picks up her sandwich of nothing , and takes a bite . Of course she told Dina . It hasn 't stopped her from packing Molly a baloney sandwich every day . " She said she 'd love for you to participate more in class . You haven 't raised your hand once . Maybe you could give that a try . What do you think ? " The truth is , she doesn 't see the point of participating in class . Except for Jack , nobody really cares what she has to say anyway . She 's just the weird Goth girl - even to her foster mother . Molly pulls a Red Delicious apple out of her lunch bag . It 's a little soft to the touch and smells too sweet , like apples do when they 're about to go bad . She takes a big bite , waiting for this time with Lori to be done . Mrs . Scatcherd and Mr . Curran walked up and down the line , making sure that the children were all lined up by height , shortest to tallest . The babies were handed to girls older than eight . Mrs . Scatcherd pushed a toddler into Niamh 's arms , an olive - skinned , slightly crosseyed boy who seemed to be a few months younger than Maisie . " His name is Carmine , and he will be your charge , " she said . " They call this an orphan train , children , " she said in a shrill voice . " And you are lucky to be on it . You are leaving behind the big city , an evil place full of ignorance , poverty , and vice . You are on your way to a healthy and virtuous life in the country . " " While you are on this train , you will follow some simple rules , " Mrs . Scatcherd went on . " You will listen to instructions . You will not wander off alone at any time . And if your behavior proves to be a problem , you will be sent straight back to where you came from and left to fend for yourselves . " Niamh looked around at the faces of her fellow train riders . She knew some of the children from the time she 'd spent at the Children 's Aid Society . Others were strangers . The older ones looked like they were barely listening . Many of them had been at the Children 's Aid for much longer than Niamh . Some had come there from other orphanages . They 'd probably heard plenty of speeches like this before . Carmine started to whine , kicking his feet against Niamh 's leg . He was hungry , she guessed . They 'd only had a dry piece of bread and a tiny cup of milk for breakfast , and that was hours ago . But Niamh knew better than to ask when food would be coming . During her time in the orphanage , she 'd learned that food came when adults were ready to pass it out , and not before . At breakfast that morning she 'd managed to drop two sugar lumps into her pocket . Now she crushed one between her fingers and licked her index finger to make the grains stick . She slipped the finger into Carmine 's mouth . The look of astonished delight on his face made her smile . She woke when they stopped at a depot . Through sleepy eyes she watched Mr . Curran get off . She could see him outside her window talking to the farmers on the platform . One held a basket of apples , one a sack full of bread . A man in a black apron reached into a box and unwrapped a package of brown paper to reveal a thick yellow slab of cheese , and Niamh 's stomach rumbled . Mr . Curran got back on the train , and it pulled out of the station . After a few minutes , Niamh saw a paper airplane winging above his head . Mr . Curran leaped to his feet and wheeled around . " Who did that ? " he demanded , but no one confessed . Slowly he sat down . Mr . Curran junped up again . " Scoundrels ! " More belches came from various benches , and one girl gave a high - pitched ghostly moan . Giggles burst out as Mr . Curran looked around wildly . Niamh put her face in Carmine 's hair to hide her smile . " I 'd be glad to make my way on my own ! " one of the older boys shot back . He had bold blue eyes under a flannel cap that was also blue , and he met Mr . Curran 's gaze with defiance . " Been doing it for years . I reckon I can shine shoes in any city in America ! It 's probably better than being sent to live in a barn with animals , eating pig slops . " The car grew silent . Mrs . Scatcherd , who had been silently watching all the commotion , stood up . In her black cloak and steel - rimmed glasses , she was far more frightening than Mr . Curran . " I have heard enough , " she snapped . " Mr . Curran , maybe the young man who spoke to you so impudently should be moved to a new seat . " She lifted her chin , peering out from her bonnet like a turtle from its shell . Niamh 's skin prickled . But she could see that Mrs . Scatcherd meant what she said , so she slid as close as she could to the window . She set Carmine in the middle , a barrier between herself and this stranger . The boy stood , pulled his bright blue cap down hard on his head , and dragged his feet up the aisle . He flung himself into the seat beside Carmine , then took his cap back off and slapped it against the seat in front . A small cloud of dust floated up . Niamh 's heart dropped . Hadn 't those women on the train platform said the same thing ? But she lifted her chin . " At least I 'm not a criminal . " " You think so , huh ? " he said . " A ma to tuck us in at night and a pa to put food on the table ? I don 't see it working out like that . Do you ? " " Well , I have , " he said . Over the next few hours the boy told Niamh his story . His name was Hans but everybody called him Dutchy . His mother died of pneumonia , and his father sent him out into the streets to earn money as a bootblack , beating him with a belt if he didn 't bring back enough . So one day he stopped going home . He fell in with a gang of boys on the streets , and they looked after one another as much as they could . He taught himself piano by ear in the back room of a speakeasy , where people crept in to order beer and whiskey they couldn 't buy in the light of day , not since the law changed . And then someone from the Children 's Aid Society came by and promised him a hot meal if he came inside - and he ended up here , sitting beside Niamh on this train full of orphans . When Carmine began to fuss , Dutchy reached into his pocket and pulled out a penny . He rolled it across his fingers , held it between his thumb and forefinger , touched it to Carmine 's nose , and then clasped it in his closed fist . When he opened his hand , the penny wasn 't there . He reached behind Carmine 's ear , and - " Presto , " Dutchy said . Dutchy grinned at Niamh and tucked the coin back into his pocket . " Who knows what 'll happen to us ? If it 's bad we just have to put up with it . Or maybe we 'll get lucky and live happily ever after . Only the good Lord knows what 's next , and he ain 't telling . " She opens her desk drawer and reaches in to find a pencil sharpener , neatly set alongside a packet of yellow Post - its , a row of unsharpened pencils , three ballpoint pens , and a stapler . She gives her pencil a perfect point . Jack , who 's sitting on the floor by Molly 's bed with a textbook open on his knees , snorts . Molly looks over at him . " What ? " Molly met Jack her first week here , in Language Arts . They 'd been assigned to a writing group , along with Jody Davis . Jody tucked a strand of long , taffy - colored hair behind her ear and stared at Molly . " That girl is weird , " Molly heard her whisper to Jack . " She freaks me out . " Jack didn 't do what Molly expected . He didn 't laugh at Molly or exchange an I know , right ? look with Jody . He just shrugged . Then , when Jody looked away , he glanced at Molly , ran a finger down his own hair where the blue streak was in hers , and grinned . Molly tugs at the blue streak , remembering . In between math problems , she 's been sketching a shape on the edge of her paper . A circle the size of a quarter , with four legs , a head , and a tail . Now she begins to draw in a tiny , tight pattern on the turtle 's shell . Molly looks up , startled . She 'd become so interested in her drawing that she hadn 't noticed Jack closing his book or coming to stand over her . Instinctively she covers the turtle with her hand , but Jack 's already seen it . " He just looks like a Carlos . See his little head ? He 's kind of wagging it , like , ' What 's up ? ' He 's a chill dude . " " I don 't know anything about her life . Oh , except she said that one of her teachers when she was in school was named Miss Larsen . Not like I care ! But she expects me to tell her everything about mine ! What does she need to know for ? " Molly frowns . " Well , I don 't need to tell her stories about my sad life . We can 't all be rich and live in mansions . " " Like whatever , " Jack says . " You 're going through all those boxes , right ? So ask some questions about what she 's kept up there all these years . Like : Why turtles ? " Dina walks by the room for a second time and stares at him , and he ignores her . He 's just sitting there looking at Molly , smiling a little . He actually seems to want to know about the turtles . Jack , remembering what her dad told her years ago . She repeats his words as best she can . " They 're out there in the world , for anyone to see , but hidden at the same time . They 're strong . They 're slow , but they get where they 're going . They don 't give up . " On the third day the train crossed the Illinois state line . Niamh felt stiff and sore from all the hours on the hard bench , restless and tired at once , and amazed by the sheer size of the United States . She 'd known the country was big , but she had no idea how big . They had been traveling for days and were barely in the middle yet ! " In a few minutes we will arrive at Union Station , where we 'll switch trains for the next portion of our journey , " she told the children . " We are not allowed to board for an hour , so we will wait on the platform . Quietly . Young men , put on your suit coats . Young ladies , your pinafores . Chicago is a proud and noble city , on the edge of a great lake . The lake makes it windy , which is why it is called the Windy City . You will bring your suitcases , of course , and will want to put on your coats . Mr . Curran and I expect you to conduct yourselves like the model citizens the Children 's Aid Society believes you can become . " Mrs . Scatcherd was right ; when Niamh stepped off the train , the wind on the platform rushed through her pinafore and her dress . She dug her too - small coat out of her suitcase and stuffed her arms into the sleeves , but it was impossible to fasten the buttons . Carmine staggered around , happy to have room to roam , while Niamh kept a sharp eye on him . He wanted to know the name of everything he saw : Train . Wheel . Lights . When she heard her name , she turned to glimpse his blond head at the foot of a staircase across the platform . Niamh looked over at the adults . Mrs . Scatcherd was frowning at a conductor . Mr . Curran was poring over papers with a station agent . A large rat scurried along a brick wall a little way down the platform . As the other children pointed and shrieked , Niamh scooped Carmine up and slipped behind a pillar and a pile of wooden crates . In the stairwell , Dutchy leaned against a wall . When he saw Niamh , he turned and bounded up the stairs , vanishing around a corner . Niamh held Carmine tightly and followed . She knew perfectly well that she shouldn 't be doing this , and she told herself she only wanted to find Dutchy to make him come back - but for the first time since the dreadful night when she had lost her family , something flickered inside her . It wasn 't quite happiness and it wasn 't quite hope , but it might have been curiosity . What was at the top of the staircase ? What did Chicago look like beyond this one platform ? Carmine tilted his head up and leaned back in her arms , floppy as a sack of rice . " Yite , " he murmured , pointing . Following his gaze , she saw that just up ahead was the enormous ceiling of the train station , laced with skylights . They stepped into the huge terminal , filled with people . There were wealthy women in furs , trailed by servants . Men in top hats and morning coats . Shopgirls in bright dresses . Dutchy was standing in the middle , looking up at the sky through the huge panes of glass , with a huge grin on his face . Suddenly he took off his cap and flung it into the air . Carmine struggled in Niamh 's arms , and when she set him down , he raced toward Dutchy and grabbed his legs . Dutchy reached down and hoisted the baby onto his shoulders . He clasped Carmine 's legs and began to twirl . Carmine stretched out his arms and threw back his head , shrieking with glee , and that flicker inside Niamh sharpened and brightened into joy . Joy so sharp it felt like the edge of a knife . Even though it hurt , she hugged the feeling tightly . It was nothing she 'd ever experienced before , and she didn 't know if she 'd ever feel it again . A whistle blasted through the air . Niamh spun around , trying to see where the sound had come from . She spotted three policemen in dark uniforms , racing toward Dutchy and Carmine . Mrs . Scatcherd had climbed the stairs from the platform . She raised her black wing , pointing toward the two boys . Mr . Curran pushed past her . Dutchy froze . Carmine grabbed his hair and shrieked . Just then someone seized hold of Niamh 's arm , another policeman . " Trying to get away , were you ? " he hissed in her ear , his breath smelling of licorice . Niamh twisted in his grasp , trying to see what had happened to Dutchy . He was facedown on the ground now , the policemen surrounding him . Carmine was on the ground as well , sitting beside Dutchy , crying and bewildered . Niamh tried to go to him , but the policeman yanked her back . Then another policeman hauled Dutchy roughly to his feet , and they were both dragged over to Mrs . Scatcherd . A third policeman carried Carmine . She looked as if she 'd bitten into a lime . " I placed this young man with you , " she said to Niamh in a quietly terrible voice , " in the hope that you might prove a civilizing influence . It appears that I was gravely mistaken . " Niamh knew that Mrs . Scatcherd was not going to approve of her , never again . But maybe she could still save Dutchy . If Mrs . Scatcherd sent him off the train here , in Chicago , what would he do ? He didn 't have his bootblack kit . He couldn 't make money for himself . " I asked Dutchy - I mean Hans - to take me and the baby into the station , " she told Mrs . Scatcherd . " I thought . . . maybe we could get a glimpse of that lake . I thought the baby would like to see it . " " You disobeyed my instructions . You 've disgraced yourself . " She turned to the officers in their uniforms . " But this is not , I think , a matter for the police . " " Fine , " Molly says . She picks up a piece of corn on the cob from a platter in the center of the table and plucks a hot dog gingerly from the bun on her plate . She sets the meat quietly to one side . " There 's lots of stuff in that attic . " " Yeah , sure is . I know the house - I 've done some plumbing work over there , " Ralph says . " Old pipes . Is Jack 's mom usually there when you 're working ? " Dina ignores him . " Back in high school , Terry Gallant was Miss Popular . Homecoming queen and all that , " she tells Molly . " Now she 's scrubbing floors , huh ? " Molly turns her attention to her food . When she 's done , she picks up her plate with the hot dog still on it . She remembers to thank Dina for dinner . By the time they left Chicago , it was evening . As the train chugged out of the station , Mrs . Scatcherd rapped Dutchy 's knuckles several times with a long wooden ruler as punishment for leaving the platform . He barely winced , then shook his hands twice in the air and winked at Niamh . " Get a good night 's rest , children , " Mrs . Scatcherd called from the front of the car . " In the morning we 'll be making our first stop . You will need to be at your very best if you want to be chosen by a kind family . " Mrs . Scatcherd looked as if she 'd been waiting for this . " If it happens that you are not chosen at the first stop , there will be several later chances . I cannot think of a time . . . " She paused . " It is very rare for a child to be with us on the return trip to New York . " " What if they 're mean ? " a younger boy cried out . " Children ! " Mrs . Scatcherd 's glasses flashed as she turned her head from side to side . " I will not have you interrupting ! " " Some parents are looking for a healthy boy to work on the farm . Some people want babies . Parents sometimes think they want one thing , but later change their minds . We dearly hope all of you will find the right home at the first stop , but it doesn 't always work out that way . Be respectable , polite , and keep your faith in God . Whether your journey is long or short , He will help you as long as you place your trust in Him . " Niamh looked at Dutchy . Mrs . Scatcherd hadn 't really answered the question - but the message was clear . Mrs . Scatcherd did not know , any more than the children knew , whether they 'd be treated with kindness . |
Searching is easy ! Type in a keyword , phrase , or exact wording and you will be directed to the results . You can also click on " view all books " beneath the search box to run a more advanced search , and to scroll through all of the books in our database . Molly Ayer has been in foster care since she was eight years old . Most of the time , Molly knows it 's her attitude that 's the problem , but after being shipped from one family to another , she 's had her fair share of adults treating her like an inconvenience . So when Molly 's forced to help an elderly woman clean out her attic for community service , Molly is wary . Just another adult to treat her like a troublemaker . But from the very moment they meet , Molly realizes that Vivian , a well - off ninety - one - year - old , isn 't like any of the adults she 's encountered before . Vivian asks Molly questions about her life and actually listens when Molly responds . Molly soon sees they have more in common than she thought . Vivian was once an orphan , too - an Irish immigrant to New York City who was put on a train to the Midwest with hundreds of other children - and she can understand , better than anyone else , the emotional binds that have been making Molly 's life so hard . Together , they not only clear boxes of past mementos from Vivian 's attic , but forge a path of friendship , forgiveness , and new beginnings for their future . 2 . In the prologue Vivian mentions that her " true love " died when she was 23 , but she doesn 't mention the other big secret in the book . Why not ? 6 . In Women of the Dawn , a nonfiction book about the lives of four Wabanaki Indians excerpted in the epigraph , Bunny McBride writes : " In portaging from one river to another , Wabanakis had to carry their canoes and all other possessions . Everyone knew the value of traveling light and understood that it required leaving some things behind . Nothing encumbered movement more than fear , which was often the most difficult burden to surrender . " How does the concept of portaging reverberate throughout this novel ? What fears hamper Vivian 's progress ? Molly 's ? 7 . Vivian 's name changes several times over the course of the novel : from Niamh Power to Dorothy Nielsen to Vivian Daly . How are these changes significant for her ? How does each name represent a different phase of her life ? 9 . How did Vivian 's first - person account of her youth and the present - day story from Molly 's third - person - limited perspective work together ? Did you prefer one story to the other ? Did the juxtaposition reveal things that might not have emerged in a traditional narrative ? 10 . In what ways , large and small , does Molly have an impact on Vivian 's life ? How does Vivian have an impact on Molly 's ? 12 . When Vivian finally shares the truth about the birth of her daughter and her decision to put May up for adoption she tells Molly that she was " selfish " and " afraid . " Molly defends her and affirms Vivian 's choice . How did you perceive Vivian 's decision ? Were you surprised she sent her child to be adopted after her own experiences with the Children 's Aid Society ? 13 . When the children are presented to audiences of potential caretakers , the Children 's Aid Society explains adoptive families are responsible for the child 's religious upbringing . What role does religion play in this novel ? How do Molly and Vivian each view God ? 14 . When Vivian and Dutchy are reunited she remarks , " However hard I try , I will always feel alien and strange . And now I 've stumbled on a fellow outsider , one who speaks my language without saying a word . " How is this also true for her friendship with Molly ? 15 . When Vivian goes to live with the Byrnes Fanny offers her food and advises , " You got to learn to take what people are willing to give . " In what ways is this good advice for Vivian and Molly ? What are some instances when their independence helped them ? 16 . Molly is enthusiastic about Vivian 's reunion with her daughter , but makes no further efforts to see her own mother . Why is she unwilling or unable to effect a reunion in her own family ? Do you think she will someday ? 17 . Vivian 's Claddagh cross is mentioned often throughout the story . What is its significance ? How does its meaning change or deepen over the course of Vivian 's life ? Molly , sitting next to Jack in the backseat of the car , eyes the house . Three full stories . More windows than she can count . Carved curlicues around the roof . The white paint is fresh and gleaming . This is the house where Jack 's mom works for a rich old lady . And now Molly is - maybe - going to work for that rich old lady too . All because she stole a book . Well , she didn 't actually steal it . Although it 's true she was going to . Molly had been in the Spruce Harbor Public Library , on her knees in the fiction section with three copies of The Secret Garden on the shelf in front of her . She 'd pulled all three copies off the shelf . Put the hardcover back . Then the newer paperback too . The one she kept was old and dog - eared , the cover missing a corner , the yellowed pages beginning to come loose from the cheap binding . She figured nobody would miss it , and she slipped it into her backpack . But when Molly put the backpack over her shoulders and stood up , the librarian , Mrs . LeBlanc , swooped down on her like a homing pigeon . She called Ralph and Dina , Molly 's foster parents . Dina hit the roof . Molly had way too many problems , she said . " I don 't know , " Molly said . But that wasn 't entirely true . The Secret Garden is all about a girl who has to leave her home and travel to a cold , rainy place where nobody wants her . A girl who scowls and sulks and says horrible things and still ends up with a home - a mansion , actually - and a family . And Jack - who is the best friend Molly 's ever had - heard his mom grumbling about needing to help Mrs . Daly clean out her attic , and came up with the idea for Molly to do it instead . If Mrs . Daly likes Molly . If she says yes . His mom pivots to look at Molly . " What Jack means is , you need to mind your manners . Don 't slouch . Say please and thank you . " " Come on , you two , " his mom says . " Might as well get this over with . " She gets out of the car and heads up the walk toward the house . Molly is suddenly nervous . She looks down at her too - big pink blouse and attempts to tuck it into her skirt . The blouse is Dina 's ; she insisted Molly borrow it , saying it would be disrespectful to Mrs . Daly to wear her usual black T - shirt over black jeans over worn - out black tennis shoes . " Maybe if you look a little more respectable , Mrs . Daly will overlook that blue streak in your hair , " Dina said . " No . Just that you have to do a community service project . She thinks it 's for school , like everybody has to do one , " he says . " Got it ? " Then he bounds out of the car and waits for Molly on the driveway . Molly slides out more slowly . So this rich lady doesn 't know that Molly is a thief . That 's good - right ? Maybe . Maybe not . Maybe it means that Mrs . Daly will expect Molly to be what she definitely isn 't - just like every other kid . Molly feels like she is shrinking inside herself , getting smaller with each step as she follows Jack 's mom inside and down a long hall . She tugs at the collar of the stupid pink blouse , thinking about the scene in The Secret Garden when Mary Lennox arrived at Misselthwaite Manor . When Mary got there , her uncle insisted that she get rid of all her dark clothes . " I won 't have a child dressed in black , wandering about like a lost soul , " he said . Molly feels like a fake in this outfit , and a bad fake at that . When was the last time she wore something pink ? Or a blouse with a collar ? At the end of the hallway is a closed door . Jack 's mom pauses before it and knocks softly . " Vivian ? " She opens the door a crack . " All right for us to come in ? " Molly hears the faint reply beyond the door : " Why , certainly . " Jack 's mom opens the door wider , and Molly and Jack follow her into a large sunny living room . The wide windows are filled with the bright , restless blue of the sea . Sitting in a red wingback chair , wearing a snug cream - colored sweater that looks as soft as a kitten 's fur , is an old lady . The old lady . The one who owns this giant house . Nod and smile , Molly thinks . She nods and smiles and holds out her hand for Mrs . Daly to take . The old woman 's hand is dry and cool . " Nice to meet you , Molly , " she says . " All right , then . I have some things to do in the kitchen , " Jack 's mother says . " Jack , why don 't you come with me ? " Molly fights an urge to start babbling . She 'd like to explain to Mrs . Daly that Jack came up with this terrible idea and then asked his mom . Although Molly doesn 't know that much about real moms - moms who actually take care of their kids - she can tell that his mom doesn 't say no to Jack , not much , not when it 's something he really wants . And so Molly 's here . But now that Mrs . Daly has seen Molly , has seen the blue streak in her dark hair and the look on her face ( Molly 's trying not to have that look on her face , but it 's there , she can feel it ) , they can all quit pretending that Molly is the kind of kid who does community service in people 's attics . And she can just go . Like always . " How on earth do you achieve that effect - the blue stripe ? " Mrs . Daly asks . She reaches up and brushes the hair at her own temple . Smile and nod . But Mrs . Daly has asked her a question , so Molly has to answer : " Um . . . I separated out this one part and bleached it . Then I went back and dyed it blue . " Mrs . Daly leans back in her chair . " Excuse my bluntness , but at my age there 's no point beating around the bush . Your hair . . . and your fingernails . . . " Molly glances down at her fingernails . She left most of her thrift store rings at home , but she kind of forgot about the chipped black polish . " You borrowed that blouse , I assume ? " " You needn 't have bothered . It doesn 't suit you . " She waves a hand , which Molly takes to mean that she can sit down . She picks a matching armchair across from Mrs . Daly and perches on the edge of the seat cushion . " By the way , you can call me Vivian . I never liked ' Mrs . Daly . ' My husband is dead , you know . " " No need to be sorry . It was eight years ago . Anyway , I am in my nineties . Not many people I once knew are still alive . " Molly isn 't sure what she is supposed to say to this . Sorry , again ? Or of course not ? Maybe wow ? She just nods once more and makes a mental note to tell Jack that Mrs . Daly - Vivian ? - is close to a century old ! She wouldn 't have guessed , but then she hasn 't known many elderly people to compare . The only grandmother she can remember died of cancer when Molly was three . Molly lets her gaze slide from Vivian 's face to the bright sunlight and shimmering water on the other side of the windows . " My mom 's alive . But yes , I call myself an orphan . " " Why ? " Vivian doesn 't sound as if she feels particularly sorry for Molly . Or horrified . Or weirdly intrigued , the way people can be when they find out about Molly 's family . When she thinks back , she can recall the smell of their trailer , mildew and cigarette smoke , the way the TV seemed to be on all the time . She remembers pulling open the refrigerator door when it was still big and heavy to her , and rummaging inside to find things to eat - cold hot dogs , maybe some leftover pizza . She 'd do that whenever her mother was at work . And sometimes even when she was home . Molly has lived in Maine her entire life . She 's never even crossed the state line . She remembers bits and pieces of when she was a little kid on the reservation on Indian Island - the community center with pickups parked all around , Sockalexis Bingo Palace , St . Anne 's Church . She remembers the cornhusk doll her dad gave her with black yarn hair and moccasins and a long fringed dress that she kept on a shelf in her room . The truth is , she would 've preferred a Barbie , like the ones donated by charities and doled out at the community center around Christmas . ( They were never the popular ones like Beauty Queen Barbie or Cinderella Barbie . Instead they were the kind you find on clearance at Walmart - Hot Rod Barbie , Jungle Barbie . ) But Vivian doesn 't want to hear about toys . Where should Molly start ? She knows by now that people don 't want to hear everything . There 's a lot they 'd rather not know , and a lot she 'd rather not tell . " Well . " She picks a bit of nail polish off one finger . " I 'm a Penobscot Indian on my father 's side . When I was young , we lived on a reservation near Old Town . " She tells the rest of the story in a few sentences - her mom and dad couldn 't take care of her , so she ended up with Ralph and Dina . She doesn 't mention the car crash that killed her father , how her mom got worse and worse after he died until the caseworker stepped in . There weren 't any foster families on the reservation who could take her , so she ended up getting shuffled around before landing with Ralph and Dina . " And she came up with the brilliant idea for you to help clean out my attic . Seems like a bad bargain for you . There 's nothing you 'd rather do ? " " Then you are even stranger than you appear , " Vivian says with a smile . Normally Molly would be offended , but for some reason she isn 't . Is it because there 's nothing in Vivian 's voice to show that she thinks strange is the same thing as bad ? Not like the girls at school , the way they look at Molly and whisper " Weird . " Vivian only seems amused by the idea of a sixth grader who likes to tidy things . Leaning forward in her chair , Vivian says , " I 'll tell you something . By your definition I 'm an orphan , too . So we have that in common . " Molly isn 't sure how to answer . She 's never met a grown - up who talks about being an orphan . Don 't you have to be a kid to be an orphan ? But she has to admit she 's curious . " Your parents . . . " she asks hesitantly , watching Vivian 's face carefully for a sign that she 's saying the wrong thing . " They didn 't take care of you ? " People from their village in County Galway were always fleeing to America . In Ireland , potatoes rotted in the fields , and children cried from hunger . Many young men in their village went off to fight the British . Some came back wounded or grimly silent . Some didn 't come back at all . What they found were the grimy streets of lower Manhattan , a dishwashing job for Da at a pub , and a small apartment on Elizabeth Street for ten dollars a month . There was a bedroom for Niamh and her brothers and sister , an even smaller one for Mam and Da , a kitchen , and a parlor . There was , indeed , a weak electric light that Niamh could pull on with a chain , and a small , stained sink where cold water ran from a faucet . Da 's paycheck from the pub was barely enough to feed all four children , and Ma seemed listless much of the time . And it was hard to get used to the great crowds of people , all speaking different languages . Surely there were more people on Elizabeth Street than in their entire village back in Ireland . Some of them twisted up their faces or spat in disgust as soon as Niamh opened her mouth and her Irish voice tumbled out . She still can 't get over the size of the house . Fourteen rooms ! For one person ! In one of Molly 's past foster homes , there were four rooms for seven people ; three were kids younger than Molly . She 'd been told on the first day it would be her job to look after them . In Molly 's hands are the supplies Terry gave her downstairs - a slippery stack of white garbage bags , a small knife with a plastic handle and a serrated edge , and a notebook with a pen clipped to it . Now Terry reaches the top of the stairs and pauses . " Yikes ! Where to start , Vivi ? " she asks . Standing behind her , Molly peers around . Floor to ceiling , the attic is packed with cardboard boxes . Overhead , pink insulation peeks out between rafters . The only open area is around the narrow windows that let in slivers of natural light and a view of the bay outside . Molly tugs her phone out of her pocket and looks at the time . 4 : 15 . She 's supposed to stay until six today , and then come back for two hours twice a week after school , and two hours on Saturday too , until the attic is finished or she 's done her twenty hours . Whichever comes first . " It 'll be good to clear all this stuff out , Vivi , " Terry is saying . " I 'm going to do some laundry . Call if you need me ! " She nods to Molly and scuttles down the stairs . Molly peers at a box close to her . The label says Valuables . How valuable could the stuff be , she wonders , if Vivian hasn 't needed it in all this time ? But - twenty years ! Vivian 's had this stuff for longer than Molly has been alive . And she 's never even looked at it ! Tossing it all into a Dumpster doesn 't seem like such an unreasonable idea . Plus it would make her job a whole lot easier . It was Ralph who wanted to take in a foster kid in the first place . Still , at their house she 's got a bedroom to herself , and the fridge is full of food , and she has her own cell phone , even if Jack 's the only person who ever calls . It could be a lot worse . Maisie sensed it first . She wouldn 't stop crying . Since Maisie was a month old she had slept with Niamh on her narrow cot . Their room was dark , with no windows ; Niamh couldn 't even see her brothers , Dominick and James , six - year - old twins , huddled together on their pallet on the floor . Everyone in Niamh 's family was thin ; days went by when they had little more than rubbery potatoes in weak broth for supper . Eighteen - month - old Maisie weighed no more than a bundle of rags in Niamh 's arms . When Maisie finally stopped sobbing , Niamh held her close and the two of them drifted to sleep . Probably the smoke had stupefied the boys , neighbors said later . Probably Da hadn 't been able to rouse them . And then had not been able to get out himself . But Mam , holding Maisie , was not behind her . Maybe she 'd turned back to look for Da . Maybe she 'd missed her footing and stumbled . If only Niamh had paid closer attention to why the baby was crying . If only she had realized that more was wrong than the hunger in Maisie 's belly and the sweltering heat of the summer night . Maybe Maisie smelled smoke from the fire before any of the older children . Da , James , and Dominick had been carried out under white sheets . But men had carried Mam away on a stretcher , and Maisie was with her . There was still hope for them . Somehow she fell asleep , her throat sore from tears and the harsh smoke . In the morning Mr . Schatzman woke her to tell her that he and Mrs . Schatzman had figured out a perfect solution . They would take her to the Children 's Aid Society the next day . There were people there who helped children , he told Niamh . She 'd be fed and warm and dry . Bending down , Molly scans the labels on the cardboard boxes surrounding her . " Okay , so . . . I guess we start with the earliest first ? This one says ' World War II . ' Is there anything before that ? " " Yes . " Vivian gets to her feet , squeezes between two stacks of boxes , and makes her way toward the cedar chests . She stops near a pile that looks ready to topple at her touch . " The earliest stuff is over here , I think . " Molly holds the coat up , inspecting it . It 's sort of a military style with black buttons . The gray silk lining is coming to pieces , and something falls through a disintegrating pocket to bounce on the floor . A penny , dark with age . Vivian gasps . Her face is pale . Molly looks closely at her , afraid she might have a heart attack or a stroke or something . Doesn 't that happen to old people sometimes ? Molly lays the coat across a box and gets to her hands and knees . She fishes the coin out from under a cedar chest . She hasn 't seen a penny like this before - on the front is Abraham Lincoln 's familiar head , but on the back are two ears of wheat with the words ONE CENT in big letters in the middle . Maybe that 's how you get to be rich , Molly thinks , by making sure you keep track of every penny . Vivian holds out a hand and Molly drops the coin into it . " Is there anything else in the pockets ? " Vivian asks . She still looks a little ashen . Molly wonders if she should call Terry , but it 's not like Vivian has fallen over or can 't talk or anything . If she wanted Terry , she could call for her herself . Going through the coat 's pockets , Molly discovers a folded piece of lined paper , worn almost to nothing at the creases . She unfolds it cautiously to find a child 's careful script in faint pencil : Upright and do right make all right . Upright and do right make all right . Upright and do right . . . Vivian takes the paper from her and spreads it out on her knee , looking more like herself now . " I remember doing this . I was copying Miss Larsen 's writing on the board . She had the most beautiful penmanship . " " Yeah , everything 's on computer . " Molly is suddenly struck by the fact that Vivian wrote these words on this sheet of paper at least eighty years ago , when she was a kid herself . Her mind boggles at the thought . Surely Vivian , a rich white lady in a big old house , was never anything like Molly . " Things have changed a lot since you were my age , huh ? " she asks . Well , Terry washes dishes in a sink , Molly thinks . " I don 't watch much television . I don 't need a computer . In a lot of ways my life is the same as it was twenty or even forty years ago . " Vivian picks up the coat gingerly and holds it out in front of her . " That 's a very good question . But I have a question for you . Where is that mother of yours ? " Even her social worker backs off when Molly uses that voice . " So we should get rid of the coat , then ? Put it on the Goodwill pile ? Or throw it out ? " A thin , scowling matron in a white bonnet beckoned with a bony finger . She must have known Niamh was Irish from the papers Mr . Schatzman filled out when he brought her in to the Children 's Aid Society several weeks ago . Or maybe she could tell from Niamh 's accent , still as thick as peat . There was a line of children behind Niamh on the windy , chilly train platform . They 'd been shuffling forward for what seemed like forever , so that each child could be inspected and checked off on a list . Finally it was Niamh 's turn . " Unfortunate , " the plump woman agreed . " And those freckles ! It 's hard enough to get placed out at her age . " She frowned at her paper . " Nee - AM ? That 's your name ? " The woman tsked and shook her head . " I hope you 're not attached to that name , young miss , " she said . " Because I can promise if you 're lucky enough to be chosen , your new parents will change it in a second . " The thin matron licked her thumb and pushed the hair out of Niamh 's face . " Don 't want to scare them away , do you ? You must keep it neat and pulled back . " She pointed at Niamh 's necklace . " What is that ? " Niamh remembered what her gram said when she gave her the cross . " The hands are for friendship . Holding hands , see ? The heart is love . And the crown is loyalty . " " She gave it to me in Ireland , before we came over . It 's - it 's the only thing I have left . " This was true , and it was also true that she said it hoping the women would feel sorry for her and let her keep the necklace . There were about twenty of them , all ages , the girls in dresses with white pinafores and thick stockings , the boys in knickers that buttoned below the knee , white shirts , neckties , thick wool jackets . A tall woman in a black bonnet and a droopy , thin man with a droopy brown mustache guarded the group . Niamh remembered meeting them back at the Children 's Aid : the man was Mr . Curran , and the woman was Mrs . Scatcherd . They 'd be chaperones for the children on the train . It was warm for October , and Niamh 's braids stuck to her neck . In one hand she clutched a small brown suitcase that held everything she owned in the world - a bible , two sets of clothes , a hat , a black coat several sizes too small , a pair of shoes . When she was admitted to the Children 's Aid orphanage some weeks later , they gave her the clothes and this coat . Embroidered inside the coat was her name - Niamh Power . They all lined up . Niamh felt lonelier than she ever had in her life . She 'd lost her entire family . But her story , she knew , wasn 't worse than the others . Every one of the children had a sad tale behind them - otherwise , they would not be there , about to step on a train and be carried away from the Children 's Aid Society and New York City into a life they could not even begin to imagine . Molly is sitting with her social worker at a table in the school 's science lab . All the other kids are eating lunch in the cafeteria . But Molly - lucky her - gets to eat with Lori every Tuesday . " So how 's the community service going ? " Lori asks . She has bright eyes like shiny buttons and a small , pointy nose that , as far as Molly 's concerned , she likes to stick in Molly 's business . Lori picks at the salad she packed in a Tupperware container . " I 'll take that as an okay . But , Molly , you 've really got to make an effort there . No more . . . problems , okay ? We want things to go smoothly for you for a while . " It 's not like Molly goes looking for problems . She 'd love for everything to go smoothly for a while . It just never seems to work out that way . She peels apart the sandwich , pulls the baloney out of the middle , and leans over to drop it in a garbage can next to the table . " Yeah . " Molly puts the pieces of bread back together , picks up her sandwich of nothing , and takes a bite . Of course she told Dina . It hasn 't stopped her from packing Molly a baloney sandwich every day . " She said she 'd love for you to participate more in class . You haven 't raised your hand once . Maybe you could give that a try . What do you think ? " The truth is , she doesn 't see the point of participating in class . Except for Jack , nobody really cares what she has to say anyway . She 's just the weird Goth girl - even to her foster mother . Molly pulls a Red Delicious apple out of her lunch bag . It 's a little soft to the touch and smells too sweet , like apples do when they 're about to go bad . She takes a big bite , waiting for this time with Lori to be done . Mrs . Scatcherd and Mr . Curran walked up and down the line , making sure that the children were all lined up by height , shortest to tallest . The babies were handed to girls older than eight . Mrs . Scatcherd pushed a toddler into Niamh 's arms , an olive - skinned , slightly crosseyed boy who seemed to be a few months younger than Maisie . " His name is Carmine , and he will be your charge , " she said . " They call this an orphan train , children , " she said in a shrill voice . " And you are lucky to be on it . You are leaving behind the big city , an evil place full of ignorance , poverty , and vice . You are on your way to a healthy and virtuous life in the country . " " While you are on this train , you will follow some simple rules , " Mrs . Scatcherd went on . " You will listen to instructions . You will not wander off alone at any time . And if your behavior proves to be a problem , you will be sent straight back to where you came from and left to fend for yourselves . " Niamh looked around at the faces of her fellow train riders . She knew some of the children from the time she 'd spent at the Children 's Aid Society . Others were strangers . The older ones looked like they were barely listening . Many of them had been at the Children 's Aid for much longer than Niamh . Some had come there from other orphanages . They 'd probably heard plenty of speeches like this before . Carmine started to whine , kicking his feet against Niamh 's leg . He was hungry , she guessed . They 'd only had a dry piece of bread and a tiny cup of milk for breakfast , and that was hours ago . But Niamh knew better than to ask when food would be coming . During her time in the orphanage , she 'd learned that food came when adults were ready to pass it out , and not before . At breakfast that morning she 'd managed to drop two sugar lumps into her pocket . Now she crushed one between her fingers and licked her index finger to make the grains stick . She slipped the finger into Carmine 's mouth . The look of astonished delight on his face made her smile . She woke when they stopped at a depot . Through sleepy eyes she watched Mr . Curran get off . She could see him outside her window talking to the farmers on the platform . One held a basket of apples , one a sack full of bread . A man in a black apron reached into a box and unwrapped a package of brown paper to reveal a thick yellow slab of cheese , and Niamh 's stomach rumbled . Mr . Curran got back on the train , and it pulled out of the station . After a few minutes , Niamh saw a paper airplane winging above his head . Mr . Curran leaped to his feet and wheeled around . " Who did that ? " he demanded , but no one confessed . Slowly he sat down . Mr . Curran junped up again . " Scoundrels ! " More belches came from various benches , and one girl gave a high - pitched ghostly moan . Giggles burst out as Mr . Curran looked around wildly . Niamh put her face in Carmine 's hair to hide her smile . " I 'd be glad to make my way on my own ! " one of the older boys shot back . He had bold blue eyes under a flannel cap that was also blue , and he met Mr . Curran 's gaze with defiance . " Been doing it for years . I reckon I can shine shoes in any city in America ! It 's probably better than being sent to live in a barn with animals , eating pig slops . " The car grew silent . Mrs . Scatcherd , who had been silently watching all the commotion , stood up . In her black cloak and steel - rimmed glasses , she was far more frightening than Mr . Curran . " I have heard enough , " she snapped . " Mr . Curran , maybe the young man who spoke to you so impudently should be moved to a new seat . " She lifted her chin , peering out from her bonnet like a turtle from its shell . Niamh 's skin prickled . But she could see that Mrs . Scatcherd meant what she said , so she slid as close as she could to the window . She set Carmine in the middle , a barrier between herself and this stranger . The boy stood , pulled his bright blue cap down hard on his head , and dragged his feet up the aisle . He flung himself into the seat beside Carmine , then took his cap back off and slapped it against the seat in front . A small cloud of dust floated up . Niamh 's heart dropped . Hadn 't those women on the train platform said the same thing ? But she lifted her chin . " At least I 'm not a criminal . " " You think so , huh ? " he said . " A ma to tuck us in at night and a pa to put food on the table ? I don 't see it working out like that . Do you ? " " Well , I have , " he said . Over the next few hours the boy told Niamh his story . His name was Hans but everybody called him Dutchy . His mother died of pneumonia , and his father sent him out into the streets to earn money as a bootblack , beating him with a belt if he didn 't bring back enough . So one day he stopped going home . He fell in with a gang of boys on the streets , and they looked after one another as much as they could . He taught himself piano by ear in the back room of a speakeasy , where people crept in to order beer and whiskey they couldn 't buy in the light of day , not since the law changed . And then someone from the Children 's Aid Society came by and promised him a hot meal if he came inside - and he ended up here , sitting beside Niamh on this train full of orphans . When Carmine began to fuss , Dutchy reached into his pocket and pulled out a penny . He rolled it across his fingers , held it between his thumb and forefinger , touched it to Carmine 's nose , and then clasped it in his closed fist . When he opened his hand , the penny wasn 't there . He reached behind Carmine 's ear , and - " Presto , " Dutchy said . Dutchy grinned at Niamh and tucked the coin back into his pocket . " Who knows what 'll happen to us ? If it 's bad we just have to put up with it . Or maybe we 'll get lucky and live happily ever after . Only the good Lord knows what 's next , and he ain 't telling . " She opens her desk drawer and reaches in to find a pencil sharpener , neatly set alongside a packet of yellow Post - its , a row of unsharpened pencils , three ballpoint pens , and a stapler . She gives her pencil a perfect point . Jack , who 's sitting on the floor by Molly 's bed with a textbook open on his knees , snorts . Molly looks over at him . " What ? " Molly met Jack her first week here , in Language Arts . They 'd been assigned to a writing group , along with Jody Davis . Jody tucked a strand of long , taffy - colored hair behind her ear and stared at Molly . " That girl is weird , " Molly heard her whisper to Jack . " She freaks me out . " Jack didn 't do what Molly expected . He didn 't laugh at Molly or exchange an I know , right ? look with Jody . He just shrugged . Then , when Jody looked away , he glanced at Molly , ran a finger down his own hair where the blue streak was in hers , and grinned . Molly tugs at the blue streak , remembering . In between math problems , she 's been sketching a shape on the edge of her paper . A circle the size of a quarter , with four legs , a head , and a tail . Now she begins to draw in a tiny , tight pattern on the turtle 's shell . Molly looks up , startled . She 'd become so interested in her drawing that she hadn 't noticed Jack closing his book or coming to stand over her . Instinctively she covers the turtle with her hand , but Jack 's already seen it . " He just looks like a Carlos . See his little head ? He 's kind of wagging it , like , ' What 's up ? ' He 's a chill dude . " " I don 't know anything about her life . Oh , except she said that one of her teachers when she was in school was named Miss Larsen . Not like I care ! But she expects me to tell her everything about mine ! What does she need to know for ? " Molly frowns . " Well , I don 't need to tell her stories about my sad life . We can 't all be rich and live in mansions . " " Like whatever , " Jack says . " You 're going through all those boxes , right ? So ask some questions about what she 's kept up there all these years . Like : Why turtles ? " Dina walks by the room for a second time and stares at him , and he ignores her . He 's just sitting there looking at Molly , smiling a little . He actually seems to want to know about the turtles . Jack , remembering what her dad told her years ago . She repeats his words as best she can . " They 're out there in the world , for anyone to see , but hidden at the same time . They 're strong . They 're slow , but they get where they 're going . They don 't give up . " On the third day the train crossed the Illinois state line . Niamh felt stiff and sore from all the hours on the hard bench , restless and tired at once , and amazed by the sheer size of the United States . She 'd known the country was big , but she had no idea how big . They had been traveling for days and were barely in the middle yet ! " In a few minutes we will arrive at Union Station , where we 'll switch trains for the next portion of our journey , " she told the children . " We are not allowed to board for an hour , so we will wait on the platform . Quietly . Young men , put on your suit coats . Young ladies , your pinafores . Chicago is a proud and noble city , on the edge of a great lake . The lake makes it windy , which is why it is called the Windy City . You will bring your suitcases , of course , and will want to put on your coats . Mr . Curran and I expect you to conduct yourselves like the model citizens the Children 's Aid Society believes you can become . " Mrs . Scatcherd was right ; when Niamh stepped off the train , the wind on the platform rushed through her pinafore and her dress . She dug her too - small coat out of her suitcase and stuffed her arms into the sleeves , but it was impossible to fasten the buttons . Carmine staggered around , happy to have room to roam , while Niamh kept a sharp eye on him . He wanted to know the name of everything he saw : Train . Wheel . Lights . When she heard her name , she turned to glimpse his blond head at the foot of a staircase across the platform . Niamh looked over at the adults . Mrs . Scatcherd was frowning at a conductor . Mr . Curran was poring over papers with a station agent . A large rat scurried along a brick wall a little way down the platform . As the other children pointed and shrieked , Niamh scooped Carmine up and slipped behind a pillar and a pile of wooden crates . In the stairwell , Dutchy leaned against a wall . When he saw Niamh , he turned and bounded up the stairs , vanishing around a corner . Niamh held Carmine tightly and followed . She knew perfectly well that she shouldn 't be doing this , and she told herself she only wanted to find Dutchy to make him come back - but for the first time since the dreadful night when she had lost her family , something flickered inside her . It wasn 't quite happiness and it wasn 't quite hope , but it might have been curiosity . What was at the top of the staircase ? What did Chicago look like beyond this one platform ? Carmine tilted his head up and leaned back in her arms , floppy as a sack of rice . " Yite , " he murmured , pointing . Following his gaze , she saw that just up ahead was the enormous ceiling of the train station , laced with skylights . They stepped into the huge terminal , filled with people . There were wealthy women in furs , trailed by servants . Men in top hats and morning coats . Shopgirls in bright dresses . Dutchy was standing in the middle , looking up at the sky through the huge panes of glass , with a huge grin on his face . Suddenly he took off his cap and flung it into the air . Carmine struggled in Niamh 's arms , and when she set him down , he raced toward Dutchy and grabbed his legs . Dutchy reached down and hoisted the baby onto his shoulders . He clasped Carmine 's legs and began to twirl . Carmine stretched out his arms and threw back his head , shrieking with glee , and that flicker inside Niamh sharpened and brightened into joy . Joy so sharp it felt like the edge of a knife . Even though it hurt , she hugged the feeling tightly . It was nothing she 'd ever experienced before , and she didn 't know if she 'd ever feel it again . A whistle blasted through the air . Niamh spun around , trying to see where the sound had come from . She spotted three policemen in dark uniforms , racing toward Dutchy and Carmine . Mrs . Scatcherd had climbed the stairs from the platform . She raised her black wing , pointing toward the two boys . Mr . Curran pushed past her . Dutchy froze . Carmine grabbed his hair and shrieked . Just then someone seized hold of Niamh 's arm , another policeman . " Trying to get away , were you ? " he hissed in her ear , his breath smelling of licorice . Niamh twisted in his grasp , trying to see what had happened to Dutchy . He was facedown on the ground now , the policemen surrounding him . Carmine was on the ground as well , sitting beside Dutchy , crying and bewildered . Niamh tried to go to him , but the policeman yanked her back . Then another policeman hauled Dutchy roughly to his feet , and they were both dragged over to Mrs . Scatcherd . A third policeman carried Carmine . She looked as if she 'd bitten into a lime . " I placed this young man with you , " she said to Niamh in a quietly terrible voice , " in the hope that you might prove a civilizing influence . It appears that I was gravely mistaken . " Niamh knew that Mrs . Scatcherd was not going to approve of her , never again . But maybe she could still save Dutchy . If Mrs . Scatcherd sent him off the train here , in Chicago , what would he do ? He didn 't have his bootblack kit . He couldn 't make money for himself . " I asked Dutchy - I mean Hans - to take me and the baby into the station , " she told Mrs . Scatcherd . " I thought . . . maybe we could get a glimpse of that lake . I thought the baby would like to see it . " " You disobeyed my instructions . You 've disgraced yourself . " She turned to the officers in their uniforms . " But this is not , I think , a matter for the police . " " Fine , " Molly says . She picks up a piece of corn on the cob from a platter in the center of the table and plucks a hot dog gingerly from the bun on her plate . She sets the meat quietly to one side . " There 's lots of stuff in that attic . " " Yeah , sure is . I know the house - I 've done some plumbing work over there , " Ralph says . " Old pipes . Is Jack 's mom usually there when you 're working ? " Dina ignores him . " Back in high school , Terry Gallant was Miss Popular . Homecoming queen and all that , " she tells Molly . " Now she 's scrubbing floors , huh ? " Molly turns her attention to her food . When she 's done , she picks up her plate with the hot dog still on it . She remembers to thank Dina for dinner . By the time they left Chicago , it was evening . As the train chugged out of the station , Mrs . Scatcherd rapped Dutchy 's knuckles several times with a long wooden ruler as punishment for leaving the platform . He barely winced , then shook his hands twice in the air and winked at Niamh . " Get a good night 's rest , children , " Mrs . Scatcherd called from the front of the car . " In the morning we 'll be making our first stop . You will need to be at your very best if you want to be chosen by a kind family . " Mrs . Scatcherd looked as if she 'd been waiting for this . " If it happens that you are not chosen at the first stop , there will be several later chances . I cannot think of a time . . . " She paused . " It is very rare for a child to be with us on the return trip to New York . " " What if they 're mean ? " a younger boy cried out . " Children ! " Mrs . Scatcherd 's glasses flashed as she turned her head from side to side . " I will not have you interrupting ! " " Some parents are looking for a healthy boy to work on the farm . Some people want babies . Parents sometimes think they want one thing , but later change their minds . We dearly hope all of you will find the right home at the first stop , but it doesn 't always work out that way . Be respectable , polite , and keep your faith in God . Whether your journey is long or short , He will help you as long as you place your trust in Him . " Niamh looked at Dutchy . Mrs . Scatcherd hadn 't really answered the question - but the message was clear . Mrs . Scatcherd did not know , any more than the children knew , whether they 'd be treated with kindness . |
I had a rather unusual experience this evening . My wife was standing next to me ( she does that from time to time ) , looking with great excitement at some photographs she had just had developed . It turns out that they were a few years old , but only now developed . That happens to us . I am still looking for the rolls I took in Europe , Paris in particular . They were probably confiscated by the Thought Police at the airport in Brussels , but that is another story for another time . She is standing next to me and giggling and laughing and doing her " Oh , my God ! " thing when she sees something that really delights her , while I am busy going through the second set of photos from the batch . It is clear to me that they are older , but I do not know how old . I just know that I see her dad in a lot of them . And none of me . I notice things like that , not that I am a vain man : ) . She is speechless . Literally unable to speak , and beginning to blush , she is so upset . She is shaking her head , she has put the pictures down , she has a hand to her mouth , very upset , and I am trying to guess at what upset her , about to pick up the pics and find out for myself when she picks them back up to deny me the end of my curiosity . I am concerned for her , and continue to ask her what could possibly be making her this upset . It is sort of like a game show , to be honest , and would be funny if it were not so serious . I keep bringing up names and situations and she keeps shaking her head , No , with her hand to her mouth and the tears flowing . The first ? The first was three years ago ! And I didn 't look so bad after that one ! You can look at my picture on this site . I mean , I may not be Paul Newman ( okay , he 's dead now , so bad choice , but you catch my drift ) , but I 'm nothing to cry over ( am I ? ) . So I finally get to see the pic and it is me in the hospital , in a bed , head resting between some sort of stabilizers , foam on either side of those , most of chest covered with the ubiquitous butt - crack robe but enough showing to show some bleeding . Trickling blood is always eerier , somehow , isn 't it ? It appears it is running down from my neck to under my garment . There is more , of course , but that is the blood I notice first . Lower part of head is swollen , there is a trache with a serious attachment to it , and there is even some sort of garrote - looking piece of wire or something wrapped completely around my neck . I suppose that is there to keep my head together : ) . Sounds funny as I say it , but I speculate that it is so . I see no other reason for it but to help maintain my immobility , perhaps . It did not make me cry . It made me interested . I looked at every small detail in that photo , down to the color of the sheets and the way someone apparently moved my robe a bit to cover my breast before the photo was taken . ( Danged censors ! : ) ) But I wasn 't there . Someone who was , someone who feared for my life , found this photo disturbing . I guess you had to be there , and I wasn 't . Whatever else you see in this photo , you can be sure you will notice that my swollen eyelids are covering my eyes , that I am asleep or in that induced unconsciousness that some of us shorten to ' coma ' . First , as a caregiver , it is devastating to feel out of control . I know of no worse feeling than the feeling that I cannot fix things . Or that things cannot be fixed by somebody . Second , we are , many of us , lucky even to be here this long . Death tried to grab us on numerous occasions and barely missed . Sure , we can continue to fight and should , but we should also be thankful that we have made it this far . I will wager that no one who read the first three parts of this did not think to himself or herself , " Yeah , well , I could tell stories , too . " I 'm pretty sure I told you about my friend who killed himself because he realized he was gay . That was a supreme tragedy . The young man was gifted . He was an absolutely beautiful young man , both externally and internally , a veritable Adonis who was also an artist and one of the kindest young men you would ever care to meet . But clearly troubled and then dead , by his own hand . We did not know he was gay . I may or may not have told you about my wife 's best friend 's brother , also gay , who died of AIDS . I went to see him when we visited for Christmas , long before it was acceptable to believe that you would not simply die by looking at someone with AIDS . And I asked him what it felt like . I can be ghoulishly honest , I suppose , but he was kind about it . We talked about death . He was afraid , of course , but not like I might have thought . I believe he was in too much anguish to fear it greatly . This is why I promote pain management , by the way . When you are in too much pain , you simply want to give up , and I don 't blame you . Any doctor that doesn 't understand this deserves to have his or her license taken away . Pain management is fundamental to cure , to well - being , to the will to survive . Sean 's death ( the AIDS friend ) did not impact me so much as his last days did . I admired his courage and even his resignation , I admired his love for his partner and for his family . There was much to admire about what was going on , but I did not know him well enough to be deeply affected by his death . I am the oldest of six children , four boys and two girls . Dad was in the Navy for the entirety of my youth , which means he spent much time at sea , seemingly six months of every year , although I know it was not really that frequent . But it is true that after a certain number of us popped up , if you will , he also began to take on extra work to keep us fed and clothed and living in houses large enough for the entire brood , even if that meant some bunking up , and it did . The point to be made , though , is that mom pretty much raised us for large parts of time . My mom suffered from Grand Mal epilepsy in addition to chronic anemia , perhaps brought on by the drugs she was taking for the epilepsy . That is out of my purview , for sure . What is not out of my purview is the recognition that she did a great job . None of her sons or daughters are in prison or dead . Yet . Yes , one or two or three , maybe even all four of the boys , spent a night or two in jail on one occasion or more , I cannot say for sure , and yes , one of the daughters married an older man who would be considered a pedophile of sorts today , as she was only 16 when this married man lured her into his clutches ( but they are still married today with three boys all grown and moving on ) , but she really did a great job . In 1974 , in the fall , in the winter , I think , I was in college , six hours away back then , when my dad called and I answered on the lounge phone in the dorm and was told that mom had breast cancer . I was advised to stay at school , that she would want that and that there was nothing I could do by coming home . So that is what I did . I do not regret the choice . There is very little that I regret , I suppose because it does no good to do so . But I certainly did not regret this one . When I came home , the woman that was my mother , the woman who was my mom , she seemed fine . They had taken a chain saw to her , or so it would later appear when I got a look at the wounds , but they meant well , and did well , for the times . Reconstruction was not yet a word , except as it related to rehabilitating the deep south . She lived with the scars and the lack of that breast , at a time when little was understood or accepted about it . And she did so for a good 20 years following . Never a complaint , never a mention of it . We didn 't even think about cancer . It was over , it was done with , a chapter in the past . That was it . Cancer , I am sure I have noted , is an equal opportunity employer . It was coming for mom . She fought it . She fought it valiantly . Fought it so valiantly that it did not kill her . No . She went for treatments and the doctors would hand over their dollars for the bets they 'd lost on football games ( lucky for her , the Cowboys were winning at the time ) and she would make the staff smile , make those around her smile . Life goes on , she was saying , and so it did . Until the breast cancer came back , not in her breast , but in her brain . After all of those darned years , BC decided to return , and to do so in grand fashion . She fought this too . But I was finally called down to Texas . Mom was dying . When my family and I got there , she was sitting out back next to the pool , cool as a cucumber , anxious to see us . She was not , after all , dying . You have to be impressed with that . She was not going to die on our watch . My dad even said , " When you come , she comes alive . " The third time , I also went alone . This time was different . This time , mom was lying on a gurney in the den . She was in a coma . I talked to her , I held her hand , I stroked her face , but I do not know if she knew any of that . I wondered if I had taken the previous visits for granted . How much time did I spend playing pool or shooting darts when I could have been with her on the patio ? This time , this was the real deal , and it was too late to undo any past lapses , so I ignored them . I slept beside her gurney , holding her hand when I was standing over her , always in her presence . And sometime during the night , she died . My dad woke me . Keep in mind that I was a 35 + year old man by now . He spoke with more tenderness than I had ever heard from him , and he said , " Joey , she 's gone . " It was early still , too early for newspapers to be awake , for funeral homes to be awake , and so some of us played pool , drank lots of beer , while my mom 's dead body lay in the next room . This is true . I never thought about it before now . I knew , I mean , that I went out and did those things , but never put it together with my mom being in the next room . I think I am wrong , in fact . I think the ME took her away . Yes he did . But she was still in there for me , for us . And we drank and played pool and shot darts and got as wasted as we could get at such an early , dark hour . There were things to do , of course . I had to call the newspaper with an obituary , haggle over words per dollar and the cost of a picture and all of that . I never dreamed that would be part of a death , certainly not the death of my mom . So , I 'm in an internal rage mode talking to some lady about what it will cost to do this or that and not knowing what my dad has in mind for all of this , and it is simply surreal . It is outside of any form of reality I might imagine . My mom has died ! Does the world know ? Does the world care ? Do dollars matter ? Do column inches matter ? It is all unreal , bizarre to me . How am I to do this in the midst of my pain and loss ? But of course , that is the intent , I think , to divert me from my pain and loss . Later , my dad would say , one of you is not done with this . I think he meant me , my mom 's oldest , the one that ' took after her ' as they said . My mom was buried fairly quickly . I came to think that all people were supposed to be buried that quickly , but it is not so . My father - in - law has since passed away and I know that arrangements can be made so that others can make time to be there for services . In our case , my mom was not given the opportunity for far - off loved ones to make it . The service was small and cheap , frankly , and I was disappointed , as were others . I still do not know the reason for that . I know that she later received a much better reception from all of her children but me . I am thankful for that . I also know , though , that grieving is for the living . The dead do not know how we treat them , how we memorialize them , how we praise them . My mom had a quirky sense of humor . My dad was Mr . Right . Everything should be in place and all should be as others of our social level would expect . That sort of thing . Mom had an Elvis clock that she put up in the den . Be advised that this den was filled with rich , rich leather , a beautiful fireplace , a magnificent gun case . And there was Elvis , up on the wall , keeping time . I miss her greatly . But I do not think about her daily , and I do not mourn her daily . Even at holidays and birthdays , I honestly do not think of her . I do not think I am evil , but normal . Talking to someone in the last couple of days , she remarked that her grandkids didn 't understand why she didn 't seem more remorseful at her mom 's passing . I said that youth do not understand that as we get older we learn to grieve differently . She agreed . The thing is , grief is a selfish thing . Have I already said this ? It is for the living . It is understandable and useful , but let us not forget that it is for us , the living . In that way , we can move on with our lives , rather than wallowing in self - pity and deep regret . Part 3 : As I 've said , I didn 't know a whole lot about dying growing up . And even with the episodes described earlier , it always seemed that I was in control . This is probably because I was in control . We raced to the hospital of course , with me puking at a stop light right before the hospital ( it is a tradition of mine , one I have managed to accomplish for all three of my children ) . We were on time , we had plenty of time , in fact . They hooked Corrine up to a machine to monitor things and I sat beside her with my vomit - smelling breath and reassured her . And then all hell broke loose . The monitor started beeping like a Star Wars robot , people started rushing in and out , and pretty soon she was in OR , they were in OR . Naturally , I followed . I stood inside the OR , believe it or not ! ! ! for several minutes , and even answered the question when one doc asked , " General or Local ? " . It was that answer that got me thrown out . So . I 'm sitting in her room , which happened to be right next to that OR , don 't ask me why , and I can see the orange slush building up on the floor as people go running back and forth . I only thought it was blood , of course . It was the sterile solution they used to cleanse you before surgery . She was getting a C - section . And no one would talk to me . I watched them running back and forth , watched the floor getting oranger and oranger , and wondered what was going on . I had my fears , you can bet . I feared for my wife , I feared for my daughter . But , I was in control , and I knew all would be well . I had nothing , I had no one . I had darkness and despair , and , finally , a loss of control . I was no longer in control . Not yet officially , of course , but she was dead . And I was wailing to no one and to everyone . The God I no longer believed in was a part of my angry conversation , I can assure you , although this is not when I stopped believing . It is merely interesting that I decided to converse with this entity again , at this crisis moment in my life , and that I got no answer . Maybe I did . I did get an answer . My friend Mike probably heard me howling at the moon . Maybe someone alerted him , although I cannot imagine who , but he came and grabbed me , and took me downstairs to his place , where I got the call asking if we wanted to donate organs , and I had to answer immediately . I do not know how you answer that question at that time , I really don 't . I don 't envy the task of asking the question , even . I am sure that some people lash out at them . Fortunately for them , I was too numb , too tired , too defeated , to lash out . I think I asked them to call me back , and when they said it was now or never , I said go for it . All I know is this : I went into Boston 's Children 's Hospital , and I went into the ward where the babies were in incubators , and the room was dark , with light only from the incubators , and we , my wife and I , she able to walk by now , walked past them , looking for Amanda . As we passed these youngsters , we knew that most would live . Some were missing limbs . Some were clearly suffering from Down 's Syndrome . All of them seemed to have some sort of physical , some sort of obvious problem . Amanda did not . Amanda was perfect . Ten little toes , 10 little fingers , a button nose , and the bluest eyes on the planet . No deformities at all , except for the one inside of her brain , the lack of oxygen that made it a useless organ . I met another young airman there , also married , by the name of Mike . We became friends . We became more than friends . Eventually I would tell him that he was not just like a younger brother to me , he was a younger brother to me . This , despite the fact I already had three younger brothers , more than most people know what to do with . We pretty much did everything together . He and me , his family and mine . He taught me how to throw darts ; I taught him that even when you are passing gas , you should excel at it : I once followed a breakfast in his kitchen of eggs and venison steak ( and beer ) with the most righteous effort of my life , and he ran to the bathroom , with tears in his eyes , and puked . This is a true story . He nearly drowned less than 30 minutes into the trip the next morning . I am not lying . He lost his oar and went in after it and jumped into a vortex of swirling water and could not get out . I had the canoe on the other shore and was laughing my rear end off watching him gasping and clutching like someone in a Three Stooges clip , not realizing that he was , oh , I don 't know : DROWNING . He spent the rest of that trip paddling with a piece of wood , and getting out of the canoe with all of our equipment just before we hit really heavy rapids , so that I could do them alone . And I did . And it was a good thing he was not in the canoe , because we would have crashed and burned if he had been . His absence , you see , gave me ultimate maneuverability ; I could turn the nose of that baby any which way I wanted to , and dodged many a boulder in that fashion at the last moment . At one time during the trip , we stopped for the night and discovered a cabin in the woods , a rather nice one . And there were oars leaning against the outside wall of the front facade . I advised my buddy to take one , thinking of the wilderness code , that we take what we need , and give it back somewhere else along the trail . Mike refused . I will admire him forever for that . I hope he is alive and gets a chance to read this . I will forever consider him the better man on that day . Eventually , I expect to get to death and dying . So let me start now : Mike and I played a lot of darts together , and we drank a lot together , did pretty much everything together . One night in the winter , we took his used , but new - to - him , Saab up to Fort Devon , an Army joint about 20 minutes up the road . We had a couple of other guys with us . Mike was driving , I was in the shotgun seat and all was good . Same seating arrangement , but the roads were a tad bit different . There was snow on them . Mike seemed to mind not at all , despite the fact were in some curvaceous country between Fort Devon and Boxboro . We approached a curve where there was a sign telling us to slow down to 25mph in good weather , and Mike was doing 40mph , easily . The tunes were loud , the tunes were good . The weather was not . Snow was banked up on the side of the road , snow was on the road , ice was on the road . Just as I said , Mike , you need to slow down , we hit the snow bank on the right and sailed through the night . What I do know is that we went airborne and left the road . We must have flipped , because we next hit a telephone pole / power line pole , away from the road about 20 feet , maybe 30 feet , upside down . I know this because later I was able to take red reflector light ( taillight glass ) from that pole , about eight , 10 feet up the pole . We hit the ground on the roof . I do know this . I remember the glass breaking right before I blacked out . I remember snow and ice flying as if we were a shovel . But we hit that pole at some point , and I think that flipped us back over , right side up . No windows , and a deep V - shape right over where my head should have been , don 't ask me how I escaped that , and not a single piece of glass left in the vehicle . Beside that , we were between the pole and a tree . Beside that , we were five feet from falling over the side of a hill and rolling on forever . I will never forget , for whatever reason , looking down there later and seeing the house , it 's lights still on , smoke coming from the chimney , so far away , so far down . Mike had blood coming from his ear but was busy screaming that he could have killed us . One guy in the backseat broke his ankle . The other , he broke his collarbone , but that may have happened because he kept screaming over and over , " IT ' S GONNA BLOW ! " , so that I finally yanked him through the window to ' safety ' just to shut him up . Naturally , Mike was my concern , due to the blood coming from his ear , but I had no time to worry , because the Police showed up . What did this man do ? Breathalyzer ? No . Drunk test walk ? No . Recite the alphabet ? No . He invited us into his ride , took us to the scene of another accident , where the victim , yes the victim , had run into a tree in his brand new truck and would not live to drive the replacement , and had us sit there for a few minutes while he explained some things . Mike 's wife was never happy , but on this night / morning , she was especially unhappy . Their Saab , the car he HAD to have was totalled . And I can tell you , Airmen did not make enough money to replace cars back in the day . Somehow , though , he bought a Monte Carlo , a beautiful machine . I should tell you that Mike had a gift for acquiring things . I don 't mean that he was a thief , as you should know from above , but he had a magic about him , like those guys you see in the war movies who are known for coming up with what you need . Mike was like that . Probably still is . He asked me to play darts with him one night in the rain , at a tournament in another town , and my wife was unhappy with me not spending more time with her so I said no . Maybe I was unhappy with spending so much time with him too , I don 't know : ) . I do know that on his way home from that tournament , he wrapped the Monte Carlo around a telephone pole as he left the interstate , and anyone sitting in the passenger 's seat would have died instantly . Mike lived . Not much more than a scratch somehow , but the car was wrapped around that pole like a pretzel . No way a passenger gets out . No way a passenger lives . ( This was first written 08 / 06 / 08 , and titled Memories of Dying . I did not publish it at the time , because it was not completed and because , ultimately , it would be a tender subject . This is Part 1 . ) I have come close enough to dying on several occasions . I assume that we all have . I do not remember coming anywhere near death as a child . I do not remember funerals , I do not remember loved ones passing away . I was lucky that way , or shielded , perhaps . We carried my dog home , too , and I buried her properly with all of the emotion and ceremony and pomp deserving of a 21 - gun salute . I loved that dog . And her death was my first remembered experience with death , and there would not be another for many years . For weeks , I would go outside when I heard the garbage truck coming and I would throw rocks at it . This is the truth . My mom had to shut that behavior down once my accuracy improved and they started complaining . When I was in high school , a friend of mine killed himself . It seems he was not just the most beautiful young man among my friends , but also gay . I did not know this . I am not sure he did . I think it hit him in the face like a cream pie one day or night , after which he apparently decided that he couldn 't live with it . It was a sad day , a sad week , to be sure , but I was young , we were young , and the rest of us donned our strange ties and uncomfortable jackets and hard leather unworn shoes and did our best to honor him , and then went about our usual business . Maybe potential is the wrong word . I suppose he was a sexual offender . The operative word is was . My brother was 15 years old . He was devastated . The parents of the young man offered my brother his ties , the ones not used to hang himself , and he took them . What could he do ? He was not worldly in the ways of death . It seemed an honor , it seemed as if they were tokens of fondness from the parents . He took them . I think he even wore one or two over time . What could he do ? When I was 18 , I drove a 1962 CountrySedan , a Ford station wagon . I painted it with a paintbrush , and the result was that it looked like it was made of wood . If you are thinking that I am old enough to drive a 1962 CountrySedan when it is fairly new , you are wrong . I was six years old when they rolled that model off the assembly line , and by the time I owned it , if I remember correctly , it cost me approximately $ 50 . But it had features . I installed an 8 - track player . And it had a hole in the floorboard in front of the backseat , which could be handy from time to time when losing contraband was vital to survival . Perhaps freedom is the better word . I am just saying . It is true that it had an alignment problem , so that when I got the speed up to about 55mph ( probably its top - end ) it would get so loud that you could not hear the tape player , even at top volume . But we lived slower in those days . At least I did . I smoked , but I did not drink especially . More times than I can remember , four of us would sit in that station wagon and take all night to down a six - pack of beer between us . And there was no real argument about who got the last two . We simply didn 't drink . Nearly all of my compadres were sailors working for extra money , by the way . I was the baby . I did have to beat up an old Chief who resented my long hair … and I did … I kicked his a * * . But we got along , the rest of us , really well . In fact , he and I got along after that episode . And there was a guy who was an ex - convict , recently released from prison , who was just amazing with a chain saw . I did not want to ask him why he had been in prison or what was in his freezer . He was too quiet to answer me , anyway . AFTER the fact I would be advised that I should have down - shifted . Easy for them to say . I was hurtling headlong into a car at a complete standstill , while the sailor next to me seemed adamant that he would not lose this race ! When the State Policeman showed up , he was in good humor . He had already figured out that brakes were the problem and found it all fairly funny . He said the guy in the toll booth to my right , the one I sideswiped , was taking the rest of the day off . He laughed about that . That is when we found it funny , too . That guy was inside a concrete booth and we scared the heck out of him in my old CountrySedan as we whizzed through . Scared him enough that he needed the rest of the day off , while we were waiting now for a ride to the job . I did not stop driving . I did not stop living . I did not stop working at that company , although I don 't remember anyone ever wanting to ride with me again : ) . I kept on . I was young and it was funny and it was dangerous , and I moved on and clearly didn 't forget it , or you wouldn 't be reading about it now , but I did not let it bother me . It was a brush . That was all . Time to move on . Really , a time to celebrate . And we did , truth be known . We laughed , lying there in the grass , and the couple of guys who were bleeding , even they were laughing , one struck by flying tools , the other sticking his head out the window as we went through the toll booth , for some reason , and lucky even to have a head . What else can you do ? We held it in our hands , we looked at it , and we laughed at it and we moved on . Like playing with Rubik 's Cube : you deal with it and you twist it and you turn it and you try to make sense of it , you try to solve it , and you either get it or you don 't , but you move on . There is always eating involved , principally , and that is , or can be , awkward for me . For a time , even drinking was an issue . Still , I made it out there , hung out with my friends , did what I could to fit in . Eventually , though , it became , not too much , but not enough . Or both . I am not sure . I was frustrated with being treated like I was normal when I certainly was not , and at the same time I was frustrated with being treated like I was different , which , in fact , I was , to some degree , but not enough to be treated that way . I chose the wrong thing , and not on purpose , but just by happenstance . I began to turn down offers to go with my wife to functions . Watching people eat almost killed me . It was hard to bear , to be honest , to smell the food , to see it , to savor it and not be able to eat it . But that is just an excuse , really . The food thing is one thing , maybe the critical one . The other is that I look like I am dying , in my humble opinion , even though I am purportedly not doing so now . I am underweight and working on that , I 've lost some hair , and the hair I have is gray . I am not being fashion - conscious here , folks , but simply telling you that I already had two strikes against me for my friends : he can 't eat and he looks like he is dying . Last night , Thursday night , my wife hosted a party for her business women 's group . I frankly went to this room , which my son calls the Bat Cave , and hung out for much of the night . I do not think most men would blame me for that . Who , after all , wants to hang out with a bunch of ladies , most of them elderly , eating and chirping and cackling ? Eventually , though , I did go out . I took some pictures . One lady , I think the youngest of them , was dressed in normal attire and carrying a sign that said NUDIST ON STRIKE . I thought it was cheap but clever , and spent much of the rest of the evening trying to renegotiate her contract , if you know what I mean , and I think you do . They are wonderful women , all of them , don 't get me wrong . They have shown their concern for me , and especially for my wife , throughout this shared ordeal . There was , however , a World Series game on , and the only one of them who truly intrigued me was the nudist on strike , and I tried all of my tricks but could not get her to take her clothes back off . I even walked by where they were sitting , a load of clothes in my hand , and asked if she wanted me to wash hers while I was at it . I did not know what or who to be . I wanted to be the Joker . The pathos is there , no matter who plays the guy . And the makeup is easy : ) . I am not blaming this on cancer , by the way . I had the anxiety and panic and all of that long before the cancer . I took care of it , had a successful professional career , in fact , and the cancer only brought it back . My bad . I will fix it . I am fixing it . In case you don 't know , I have an adversarial relationship with the mask I wore during my radiation . They screwed me down to a table inside of that thing and strapped my hands down and had their way with my head and neck . It sucked . If you are a head / neck cancer survivor reading this , let me tell you : it sucks . I hated it , and , yet , I kept it . I have read of a bunch of others who did the same . Some throw theirs away , but a lot of people keep them . I kept mine . But I will tell you , it has been like having a Chucky doll in the house : ) . I am halfway afraid that it is going to come alive and do me more evil . I have put it out in a window for the last couple of years , and my wife says I am a sick pup for doing so . She may be right . One thing for sure , it is not going on MY face . It really is scary . Maybe just to me , I don 't know , but it scares the heck out of me . I look in a mirror , and I want to cry . A problem develops fairly quickly , however : beverages are hard to put into your mouth through a mask of this sort , and when a straw is suggested , I scoff at the notion . No man drinks a beer through a straw ! ( Well , my brother in law does , but he has CP , so he is forgiven the transgression . ) A bit of blood drops onto my hand . What ? I know I smeared that fake blood pretty well , and I know I didn 't put any on my ear . I go to the bathroom , and I locate the source , behind my ear , or so it seems , but everytime I wipe it away , it reappears . I am thinking , already , of my wife 's advice that I have ignored , and knowing that I cannot let her know this is happening , that I think , ironically enough , that I have real blood on Halloween night . But I would rather be wrong than dead , so I walk out to the kitchen and say , Corrine , can you look at this ? She does . To her credit , she only makes one " I told you so " remark . We ( she ) do some things to fix it and finally just bandage the ear . Turns out my old mask got me one more time . I couldn 't wear my mask anymore , and that is probably a good thing . It was prohibiting drinking anyway . Beyond that , I hate the danged thing . The party went very well after that . A young lady came in with a kid I once coached in soccer ( and ran him out of the sport altogether : ) ) and she was dressed provocatively in a little Bo Peep or Raggedy Anne costume , and I kept telling her that her shoes were untied , hoping that she would bend over . She caught on to me immediately , of course , but eventually , thinking she was fooling me , bent over front facing me , not realizing what I could see that way . They can be slow that way . The media , the press , the newspapers , especially , used to be pro - active . Now , they all , all of the media , seem to be reactive , and they seem to react to whatever the latest fad is . There have been people coming into the CSN Chat room , in the past , not so much now , and in the discussion boards , too , who complain that BC gets too much money . I have always advised that this is not the case . I have advised ( for what that is worth ) that money thrown at any cancer is good for all cancer . I have even stipulated that AIDS research is great for cancer research . Lung cancer is not sexy . Having half of your tongue replaced is not sexy . It is hard to excite someone with notions of the surgery of your colon . Leukemia is a real crowd - pleaser . NHL brings out all of the hockey jokes ( I know , because I 've spewed them ) . Melanoma , while known to most people who hang out on the beaches around here , is pretty much insignificant in their lives . Brain cancer is too frightening even to contemplate . So I pancreatic cancer . And prostate cancer is just for old men who have been sitting around too long . Breast cancer , though , that happens to movie stars , to actresses , to singers and to the beautiful woman who lives just down the street . It even happens to our moms . To our sisters . To our aunts . ( And , rarely , to our uncles . ) The fact is , if you have breast cancer , your chances of survival are better than they have ever been . I salute those who have used the money provided to them for research and treatment in order to make this so . My mom ultimately died of breast cancer … 20 years after the original diagnosis , and not from an attack in her breast , the remaining one , but in her brain . Metastasis is a crime . But … if you are diagnosed with pancreatic cancer , your chances of living one year are about 4 % . That 's according to something I read , so do not hold me to it . But we all know that some cancers are pretty rough . If you have leukemia , for example , you may live a long and happy life , but you may have to live with some complications for the duration . Same with melanoma . I have a friend who is pretty much on a constant chemo plan . She might not always be on the chemo , but she knows that when she is not , she is recuperating and preparing for the next round . Lung cancer . Same thing . If you are fortunate , they cut it out and say you are cancer - free ( that is what they said to me . Do I believe them ? ) . If you are not , you have years ( if you are lucky ) and years ( if you are even luckier ) to deal with it and to deal with the operations and the chemotherapy and other treatments . Colorectal . Whew . There is a sexy one ! It is probably the most popular of all of the cancers , save breast cancer , and yet it gets no respect . 🙂 If cancer is a fad ( and I think it is ) the colorectal people must be the coolest people on the block ! I did not have a problem with this . I didn 't . I figured that all of the research done for any cancer would be good for all cancers . But the most recent news is sort of disturbing in that regard . But , you know , I think that they are hitting on something really big with their efforts in gene manipulation . Personal cures , if you will . I do not know how much of the money from BC funding is going into that . I do not . I am beginning to think that there should be a cancer funding pool . I really have no idea why breast cancer should be more important than NHL , for example . And I am really starting to believe that a cure is coming ( I do not need one at the moment , as far as I know , so this is not just a cry in the night ) , one that will serve all cancer survivors , if the money is directed properly , and if the focus of researchers and scientists and doctors is focused correctly . I am officially bleeding like a stuck pig again . Had a couple of tiny scabs on my hand , don 't know how they got there , and , being a man , I picked them . Being a man , I missed my checkup , the weekly one , with my doc , to check my blood , my Coumadin , all of that . Being a man , I have ignored my wife and her plaints that I get in to see him ( not my wife , who is not a him , but my doc , who is a him ) . It is not a major emergency . I would not want to even imply that . I know that a few of my friends have bigger worries right now , especially this coming sunrise . My thoughts are with them . But I am bleeding again , and that sort of disappoints me . I thought we were getting a handle on this thing . I have been dropping the Coumadin more or less religiously , and felt like , with my legs not hurting and the last checkup going so well , we were on our way . I should also quit picking at anything looking like a scab on my personal body , regardless of the situation . ( Not that my wife has anything remotely looking like a scab on her personal body ! That was not the intent of that sentence , trust me ! ) . To be honest , I cannot help that ( picking scabs , in case you lost the thread , as I did : ) ) . I have been doing it since I was old enough to recognize a scab and wonder what was underneath it . That is what the males of this species do ! We exult in them ! We show them off if they are large enough and particularly green enough . I remember - not how I got it - but a tremendous scab on my elbow once , as a teen , that became rather green and , well , gooey . And I picked at it ( of course ) and it got worse before it got better , but none of the guys were averse to taking a gander at it , to marvel at it , and to tell stories of their own particular injuries and bodily defacements . We were young then . We thought that would be the worst of it , as you might surmise . Or the best of it , depending upon your point of view . Once , while playing sandlot football ( actually , we were not complete idiots : we played in a grassy field ) , I stepped on the broken bottom of a Pepsi bottle . The bottom ! That baby was thick and sharp . It went through my cheap sneaker and into my heal . The scar remains . I continued to play , of course , not knowing until I got home that the blood was running up the entire length of my sock . My mom nearly had a heart attack , I think , when I took the shoe off and poured blood out of it . And so , I picked at these things , and don 't even know how I got them , a couple of little spots on my hand , and suddenly if I were JR Ewing , and if it were black , I would be screaming " GUSHER ! " . Well , okay , I 'm exaggerating . I would be saying to myself , more accurately , wow , look at the blood ! As usual , my wife was right . ( Does anyone else spite their noses to cut off their faces , or however the saying goes ? ) . And my doc was right . And his nurse was right . And I was , again , remiss in taking care of business . It is no longer a story , but I do wonder if anyone else simply gets tired of all of the trips and the pricks ( okay , in my case , it is really only the trips at this point … and a minor prick … all else is relatively a matter only of time , something I happen to cherish , by the way , but we can go into that at another time , since I do not have time for it right now : ) ) ? Doc is off on Wednesdays for some reason . Maybe he is at the hospital on those days . I do not know . He may use that day to go fishing . I do not think he plays golf or we probably would have played by now . But he is off on Wednesdays , which I knew when I avoided the trip both yesterday and today . In one , he is dressed rather nicely , but strapped into a government - approved safety seat and sleeping . You can see the bruises on his face . If he was awake , and if he could talk , he would probably be saying , yeah , but you should see the other guy ! Another of the pictures shows him screaming for all that his lungs can give . That is not the angel . But it is my boy . He will sing like grandpa did . And like his mom did , too ! He IS strong . Last night , not for the first time , my daughter called , so that I could listen to Scooter while he was in a talkative mood . When I first came on , he was still talking , of course . When I started to respond , of course , he clammed up . As his mom said ( she used to be Erin , but now she is Scooter 's mom : ) ) he was just staring at the phone , enamored of it , I guess . Eventually , as I talked and sang , he began to speak . I cannot tell you that I had anything to do with that . It may be that they were tickling his feet or making faces or something . But from my end of the line , I can tell you that I talked and sang , and even sang him our special song , and he started to talk again . He tallked a LOT in fact . I am not quite sure what he was saying . I am still trying to figure that out . We will get there . I cannot whistle either , and I used to be a danged good whistler . But that is not as big as not being able to kiss . Everyone should be able to kiss , and I cannot kiss . I have tried to kiss my grandson , and I cannot do it . I purse my lips , I move them , and suddenly I realize that I cannot kiss him . I can slobber on him . I can touch his soft sweet face with my lips , for sure , and I have . But I cannot kiss him . When my wife and I started hanging out together , if you know what I mean and I think you do , I advised her that she did not know how to kiss . Like a great number of people , I suspect , she kissed in a hard , closed - lip fashion . We worked on that and we corrected it . The thing is , we can kiss . It is because she is succulent , receiving , and giving . I am not trying to be erotic here , although I am about to leave this paragraph in mid - sentence and run off to bed ! Isn 't that amazing though ? We can kiss . I cannot even kiss my own grandson , not really , but every time I kiss my wife , I know that it is a real kiss , and I feel it , and I savor it , and I know that I am a part of it . And I know that it is because I taught her how to kiss . |
Filed under : flash fiction challenge - Tags : fairies , random generator - Eva Therese @ 8 : 12 pm Flash fiction challenge as always courtesy of the great bearded sage , Chuck Wendig . I rolled the RNG and got Demons vs Fairies . I wanted to make it a kind of cold war spy games story with some banter , but it took about six seconds for it to turn sombre . Youna made her way through the park , a spring in her step and a lightness in her chest . Living in the city , with all its iron and steel meant that she was always exhausted , always hurting . Being in the park gave her a respite , softened the pain to a dull ache . Quintin was waiting for her on a bench by the pond , surrounded by hopeful ducks . He turned to look at her even though he couldn 't have heard her approach . He had one eye missing , covered by an eyepatch . Since he should have been able to heal any injury not instantly fatal , the missing eye had to be a punishment of some sort . Youna had never asked . Quintin scooted over to make room for Youna as she sat down next to him on the bench . She looked thin and pale and washed - out , having no Glamour to spare on her looks , except what was strictly needed to make her look human enough to blend in . None of the faes living in the city had that kind of power anymore , most of it was spent simply on keeping themselves upright and what little was left was needed elsewhere . The ones still in the Courts might have , but only because they never came to the real world anymore . Instead , they sent faes like Youna to fight a losing battle against demons like Quintin . In that way , he mused , they were very much like the demon princes , sitting on their thrones in Hell , making grand plans and leaving others to carry them out or to deal with the fallout when they went wrong . Her face fell . " I actually felt good going into the park . No . Not good . " She shook her head . " But not quite as bad . " In a way , he did . He was also just a grunt sent out to fight a battle on behalf of a master he had probably never even seen and certainly never met in any meaningful sense of the word . That was what had started their tentative friendship decades ago , the feeling they both had , that they were closer to the soldier standing in front of them , than to the distant generals . And in a way , he didn 't understand , couldn 't understand , because his side was winning . At least it was winning against her side . The battle against the angels was locked in something of a standstill and there might come a day when he would understand perfectly what she felt . But today was not that day . Youna sat frozen for a moment , then turned her head sharply to look at him . " No ! " she said . " No favours given or owed . No bargains . " " It 's alright . Should have thought that one through . " He looked thoughtful . " We should have been allies , you know . I don 't mean us two , but the faes and the demons . We have no real conflict of interest since we only want the souls of humans and you only want to toy with them while they are alive . And we could have used your help against the angels , instead of squandering our resources fighting you . " The tense moment past , they sat in comfortable silence . When Quintin looked at Youna again , she had closed her eyes and was soaking in the sunlight . She looked as content as he had ever seen her , as she was ever likely to look . She also looked so ill . If she felt better in the park , he didn 't want to think about how she looked in the city . He thought about it anyway . The name ' the fair folk ' seemed like a joke and a tasteless one at that . She was wasting away . She needed to go back to the undying lands or at the very least into the woodlands and even then it might be too late . But the kings and queens of the different courts would never allow her to retreat from the lost battle . Youna was dying . The thought made his chest tighten . He 'd give her a couple more years and then she 'd simply dissolve into mist and float away on the breeze . Unless she had been hunted down by some of the more zealous demons who took it upon themselves to pick off the few remaining faes . He toyed with the idea of sending one of them after her , end her suffering now , but he couldn 't be sure that the demon wouldn 't try to capture and interrogate her . No , if he wanted to give her a quick end , he would have to do it himself . He looked at her intently ; she was half - dozing relaxed and unprepared right next to him . It would be easy . If he did it fast enough and precisely enough , she wouldn 't even know what he had done " But you don 't have to make the same mistake with the angels . Don 't eradicate another race or let yourselves be eradicated . Make peace with them . " This suggestion was so outrageous that for a moment Quintin just sat there , before finally answering . " That 's … impossible . We 've been at war for thousands of years . Besides , I 'm a lowly soldier , what can I even do ? " " You have time on your side . And if someone centuries ago had told me to strive for peace , who knows where I would have ended up ? Besides , I have something for you . " " No gifts , " he whispered . " Not favours owed . " He looked into her eyes as she placed something in his palm , pleading with her to take it back . " Oh , but that 's the beauty of it . You can 't owe favours to a dead fae . " She smiled and then , as he watched , she melted away like a mirage , leaving only her clothes on the park bench next to him . For a moment he was too stunned to do anything , then he looked down . A ball of soft greenish light laid safely cupped in his hand . The last of her Glamour . There wasn 't a lot , but more than he would have guessed she had as a last reserve . Not a lot , but enough to make a difference if he spent it carefully . He knew that the sensible thing to do would be to ignore her wish and just use the Glamour to get ahead . It wasn 't like he couldn 't use the edge it would give him in the cutthroat world that was the demon hierarchy . And yet … And yet … He put the little ball of light in his pocket . He would have to decide how to use it , but he didn 't have to decide right now . Not today . " The house is haunted , " he said in a low confidential tone . He must have mistaken her silence for disbelief because he continued : " The last family who lived her , nice couple , two sweet children , they only lasted a month . And the look on their faces when they left , in the middle of the night . I 'm telling you : that house is haunted . " There were cold spots in the house . Places here and there where it suddenly felt like you had walked into a freezer . There weren 't many and they weren 't big , but they kept moving around , making it impossible to avoid them completely . Somebody pushed copies of newspaper clippings under her door , probably the neighbor . They were about the gruesome murders that happened back in 1956 when a whole family of two adults and five children had been slaughtered in their beds with an axe . The murderer had never been caught , but during the investigation , it turned out that on the ground upon which the house stood , had previously been a small grove of trees and in 1919 , a man had been hanged there . Cecil Alderson , she read , had been suspected of having murdered his brother with an axe , to avoid having to share the inheritance after their late parents and he had bribed the sheriff to acquit him , but the brother had apparently be a popular man , because soon after a mob of enraged townspeople dragged Mr . Alderson out of his house , put a noose aorund his neck and the rest , as they said , was history . Noone was ever convicted of that murder either . She could have told him , that nothing in this house could scare her . They 're just ghosts , she thought , and my heart is a graveyard full of dead . She stopped in the middled of scrubbing a plate and made a face at the emoness . When she looked out again , the neighbor had gone . The noises stopped after that . The cold spots went as well . Instead she started to feel something like hands touching her . Sometimes they just grazed her like invisible moths , but occasionally she felt them grab her , carefully , like she was made of glass . The hands seemed eager and curious . Once she felt a hand being placed upon her arm and felt the thumb caress her skin . She smelt something like clean skin and a hint of soap . Sylvia closed her eyes and for a moment she could swear that someone was sitting right next to her , could even hear the faint sound of their breath . In her mind 's eye , she could see a young woman , hardly more than a girl , with curly hair and warm brown eyes . Harrison got out of the car and approached her . She ignored him , even though she knew it was no use pretending like she hadn 't seen him . He , onthe other hand , didnøt try to call her name , knowing that she wouldn 't respond . He made a grab for her , but she shook of his hands so violently that it almost made her lose her balance for real . She gave of any pretence at dignity . " Leave me alone ! " she yelled and stalked the few feet up the the house , limping on the twisted ankle . " Or what ? You 'll call the police ? You and I both know that you 're not going … " He paused and shivered . " Jesus , this place is freezing . How can it be freezing in the middle of the summer ? Do you have damp in the walls or something ? " Harrison heard it to and she saw a look of horror slowly creep over his face . " No , " he mumbled . " Nononono . " His eyes swirlved to Sylvia . " What is this ? ! " He sounded pleading . " There are worse things than you in this house , " she said as an unseen toddler started to wail , the temperature dropped so low that they could see their owns breaths and a gust of wind ran through the whole house and made every open door slam shut and every closed door spring wide open . Including the front door . Harrison bolted out the door and ran to his car without looking back . She felt more alive today , than she had for years . She closed her eyes and it felt like someone hugged her from behind , arms wrapped around her to keep her snug and safe . The air smelled of soap . Filed under : flash fiction challenge - Tags : flash fiction challenge , postapocalypse , random generator - Eva Therese @ 11 : 19 am Another Flash Fiction Challenge from the great bearded Chuck Wendig . This time based on a randomly generated idiom - mashup . I had to click a few times , before getting " Hindsight is a shepherd 's warning " which sounds almost reasonable , if you think about it , but not too hard . She had learned to keep the girls safe , mostly , but it had been learning by trial and error . The kind of errors that had cost lives in the beginning . Water needs to be boiled , always . Some poisonous plants look an awful lot like eatable ones . We don 't have any kind of antibiotics so even relatively small wounds can get dangerously infected . The learning curve had been steep . It would have been easier if Sally had also been here , but when one of the girls had fallen into a river , Sally had jumped in to save her and they had both been swept away by the current , never to be seen again . At least not by Mary . She blinked , realized that she had been distracted and looked down at the girl in front of her , Melanie , who was twisting and turning , face sweaty , teeth clenched like she was trying to hold in the moans , that escaped her once in a while . Mary thought of the time she 'd had appendicitis . She had felt just like the girl looked . She needed to go a hospital . Might as well say she needed to go to the moon . There were no hospitals , no nothing . They listened to the radio for news , but only about once a week to save on the batteries . There was nothing but white noise and once in a while a message on automated repeat about how citizens should barricade themselves in their homes and wait for the army to arrive . But Mary and the girls had no homes but their tents and no choice but to keep moving , picking up supplies along the way . It had only been supposed to be a weekend , an extended picnic , really . A camp away from camp . Mary had never been meant to have the responsibility to keep them alive for month after month , but she had tried her best . That 's what she tried to tell herself , but when she closed her eyes at night she was haunted by the images of the dead girls ' faces . How could she protect them from something like this ? Until now they had been trying to simply survive until the world somehow returned to some semblance of normalcy . They had gone through one day after another , gathering food and firewood and scavenging a bit from abandoned cabins . The last chocolate bar had been more than two months ago and it had been divided into fourteen tiny pieces , but some of the girls still spoke of it with longing in their voices . Two of the girls let go of each other 's hand with guilty expression , while two others held on to each other , their expressions defiant . When you thought about it , it made absolute sense that of course some of the girls would come together like that . Mary felt no anger or shock at the idea . She didn 't even remember why she would once have felt like that . She was just relieved that they were in no risk for unwanted pregnancies . " It 's a punishment , " said one of the other girls , Hester , quietly . " For being what we are . God is punishing us and everyone around … " " Don 't talk like that . " Mary 's words came out harsher than she had intended . " You 're not being punished . No - one is punishing us . There 's … there 's no - one to punish us . No - one judging us . " She continued . " But this also means that there 's no - one to save us . Until the world rights itself , it 's just us , trying to stay alive . Together . " " Go to bed . I 'll keep watch over Melanie . " She turned and was climbing back into the tent , when she was suddenly aware of a shift in the wind . It had changed direction or maybe simply picked up . It brought with it a smell of frost . There is no - one , Mary thought . No - one who watches us , no - one to watch over us . There 's just us , doing whatever we can to survive . Melanie might die in a few hours or she might live for a few days . She might even recover completely . But if frost was coming , they didn 't have a few days and they certainly didn 't have however long it would take for her to be back on her feet . They needed to get moving and find a shelter for the winter . They are children , thought Mary . There 's no - one watching over them but me . There 's no - one but me doing whatever I have to , to make sure they survive . There was a brief silence as Vanessa looked them all over . Then she dumped her keys on a small table next to the door and folded her arms . " You could have called ahead , you know . And what made you think it was okay to help yourself to coffee ? " She looked meaningfully from the cups on the coffee - table to a tall , dark and handsome man , who was leaning against the mantelpiece with the grace of a very large cat . In fact , he looked more like a predator than Dozer , who was currently looking silly with his legs at odd angles . Vanessa walked over to the man sitting with Dozer and took the cat from him . She carried it out into the kitchen , Cornelius following her , where she put it down and poured food into its bowl . She then put the kettle on to make tea and only then did she turn to look and him . " Let me stop you right there . If you 're were planning to borrow from me , I only have enough available assets to pay my rent and day - to - day expenses . The rest are tied up in some very secure and very longterm investments to make sure that I can live modestly , but comfortably for the rest of my natural life . " More comfortably , than modestly in fact . Vanessa 's apartment was not large , but it was situated in one of the most expensive neighborhoods . And there wasn 't anything in it , from the largest piece of furniture to the smallest piece of cutlery , that wasn 't either antique or custom - made . " How very sensible . But no . Actually , I 've gotten my old gang together , along with a few fresh faces and we are planning hit the Dawbert Estate , get our hands on the collection of diamonds . " There was a long silence . Dozer finished his food and walked out of the kitchen to see if he could get some more head scratches from the nice stranger . The silence dragged on , until it was broken by the sound of the water boiling . Vanessa turned , took the kettle off and poured water over the tea - leaves . Then she whirled around and hurled the empty kettle at Cornelius . He ducked and it crashed into the wall behind him before clanging to the floor . " That doesn 't make you any less great . And old habits die hard , I know that better than anyone . I was wondering , if maybe you had - out of purely academical interest , of course - maybe done some research on the Dawbert Estate ? You know , taken a stroll around the perimeter and admired the security measures , looked up a few blueprints , maybe even taken a tour . And if so , if you would maybe be willing to share your findings with a few fellow diamond - acquiring - enthusiasts . " Vanessa narrowed her eyes . " I thought you had some nerve a minute ago , but apparently I didn 't know the half of it . You 're asking me if I have done preliminary work on a heist on the Dawbert Estate and then you want to borrow it ? Just like that ? " " Vanessa , please . These people who are after me , they 're not like the people we 're used to working with . They 're the kind of people who 'll kill and maim and torture and I know you 'll say that it 's my own fault for getting involved with people like that and you would be absolutely right , but done is done and … Vanessa , I don 't want to die , especially not the way they would kill me . I 'm sorry I 'm not as sensible as you . I truly am . I wish I could have saved enough money and made some sensible and legal investments and retired and lived a quiet life , but I didn 't and I may be an ass - hat because of that , but I don 't think I deserve to pay with my life . " " You may not . " Vanessa sighed and rubbed her eyes . " Okay , then . " She picked up her tea - cup and went back into the living room . The rest of the men were all sitting there with the awkward looked worn by everyone ever forced to wait in someone else 's living - room . Dozer was back on the lap of the man from before . Vanessa gave the cat a look to let it know what she thought of its treacherous ways , but was firmly ignored . She put her tea - cup on the mantelpiece . " Wait here , " she said and went into the bedroom , closing the door behind her . She was gone for about five minutes before returning with a small bunch of tightly rolled up papers . Vanessa placed them on the coffee - table and started unrolling them . They were covered in very tiny writing with a few diagrams . She could see the eyes of one of the men next to her widen , when he realised that what he was looking at was all tiny handwriting with hand - drawn diagrams . " One condition , " she said . " You will do this on March the 21th or not at all . I 'm will be at the opera that night and will thus have an airtight alibi , if anyone should think to connect the crime to me . " " I thought you would appreciate the coincidence . " She handed him the papers and he squinted at the tiny letters . " What is this anyway ? Notes ? Schematics ? " " A manual for how to do it . How to steal the diamonds . It 's all there . Of course , I wrote it for one person with my particular skill - set ; you 'll have to modify it to get it to work for your group . But it 's all there . All you need to do . " " Okay . Sorry . Okay . " He stuffed the papers in the inside pocket of his jacket , then immediately patted it to be sure they were there . " Goodbye . And the rest of the stuff you said . " His words were cut off , when Vanessa closed the door on him . She stood for a moment and listened to the sounds of his footsteps on the stairs . Then she walked back into the living room to her rapidly cooling tea . Picture the Titanic , the largest ship on the waves in its time and one of the most famous of all times . Picture a private cabin , furnished with all the luxuries that money could buy in the beginning of the 20th century . Now picture two elegant young women in the cabin . It 's not theirs , but they know with absolute certainty , that the occupants will not be back for several hours and therefore they can use it to get ready . " I just think it 's kinda weird , is all , " said Julia defensive . She straightened a sleeve that didn 't need straightening and brushed away a nonexistent speck of dust , before continuing . " Tourists visiting the site of the most famous maritime disaster ever . Partying with lot of people who 'll all die . It 's ghoulish , if you ask me . " Liza frowned . " It doesn 't matter what period the tourists go back to . The people they meet will inevitable be dead when they go back to their own time . " " Actually a lot of the first class passengers survive . Most of the dead were among the third class passengers and nobody meets them on this tour , " Liza replied , sounding perhaps more pedantic than she intended . She sighed . " Look , you shouldn 't talk like that . The wrong person overhears it and suddenly someone might think that you 're planning to … you know , " she lowered her voice , even though they were alone , " change things . " " I didn 't even want to be here , " answered Julia with a hint of a sulk . " I was perfectly happy showing people around England during the Napoleonic Wars . My specialty was Jane Austen , you know , " she added wistfully . " Then suddenly we get word that the ban on Titanic as a destination has been lifted , the tourists are clamoring to go there and everyone who knows enough about manners to take off their gloves when eating are relegated to tour guides there . " Liza leaned against a wall . " I know how you feel . My area of expertise is the roaring twenties . I can 't wait for 2020 to roll around so we can finally start to take people on tours there . Until that happens , I just have to take whatever I can get . You think the Titanic is in bad taste , you should try doing a tour of Jack The Ripper 's Whitechapel ; leading around tourists so they can gawk at dead prostitutes . " " Yeah , but they allow people to go to the Napoleonic War . Like , not just the time period , they actually go to the battlefields . And except for the technology and the numbers , there 's really no difference between one war and the other . " " I hope you 're right . It 's so frustrating , you know . We have this wonderful technology , this gift . We can go to any point in history , see any marvel that has ever existed and tourists want to see death and destruction . " " We 're ready , " said Julia and made another last - minute adjustment of something which didn 't need adjusting . She looked over at Liza , who was still leaning against the wall and reached a decision . Now , before courage failed her . " Liza ? " she said , and the other woman straightened up and looked at her . " You know … " She was talking faster now , the words spilling out of her . " I also think the twenties is a really interesting period and maybe you don 't have to wait until 2020 to go . I mean , if you send in an application to go there for research purposes . " " Yeah , but my cousin is on the board . Maybe I can put in a word for you . Because I 'd really like to go as well . With you . I 'd like to go to with you . " " If you want to , of course . You can go alone . Or with someone else . If there 's someone else you 'd rather go with . " I 'm babbling , she thought and managed to shut herself up . She looked at Liza with eyes that she hoped was less puppy - dog - like than she felt . Filed under : flash fiction challenge , Uncategorized - Tags : detective , random generator , science fiction - Eva Therese @ 7 : 16 pm It 's been forever since I last did one of these , but fortunately I am unable to withstand the lure of a random subgenre mash - up . I rolled a 9 and a 10 and got Whodunit ? / Military Sci - fi . Yay ! I don 't really know anything about the military , but sci - fi means that I can just make stuff up . " I cannot claim much knowledge about legal procedures on Earth , " said Joger , a large grey and green alien , who spoke via voice synthesizer . " But should there not be an arrest made ? A trial of some sort ? Why are we here ? " " All in good time , " said Hale . " You see , this was a very clever killer , who led me on a merry chase . " She narrowed her eyes . " Helped by everyone in here . " " Kirst , " interrupted Hale and pointed a finger at him . " You claimed to be oh - so - fond of the general , when in fact it was so strained between you , that she had been planning to fire you as her orderly . That meant that you would have to join the rank and file and maybe even get in a real battle . " Kirst started stuttering , but no real words came out , as Hale continued . " Did you tell me any of this ? No , I had to dig around in Tibbett 's waste paper basket , where I found the draft for Tibbett 's letter where she was writing to request a replacement . The typhoon stopped all outgoing communications and you managed to delete the message , she was going to send , but she always wrote a paper draft first . And if you hadn 't been such a poor orderly you would have known that . " " I swear , " Kirst was sweating now . " I didn 't kill her . It 's true she was going to fire me and when I found her dead , I thought that maybe she hadn 't sent the message yet and so I deleted it . But I didn 't kill her ! " She turned to Joger . " And you 're here as a negotiator on behalf of your people . But very conveniently forgot to mention that you have a history with Tibbett . Back when she was Sergeant of the Riders she led Operation Zero Hour in which your home town of Moegawa was annihilated . I only found out because Tibbett regularly sent money to a foundation for veterans from the battle . And I only knew about that , because Tibbett mistrusted the computers enough to keep a written record of all transactions she made . Took a while to unravel it , but I found out in the end . " " That was then . We must focus on the now , if we are ever to achieve peace . " Joger replied in his clipped speech . " I did not kill the general . " " I know . " Hale turned to the last person , the woman who had first spoken . " And then there 's you , Justicar Franklin , who came to a remote military base on an inspection , right before getting caught by an electric typhoon . And at the same time as the general was here , no less . Very peculiar timing , if you ask me . " Franklin smirked . " Surely , you 're not accusing me of being uncooperative . I 've told you all about the general and my relationship with her ; not that there was much to tell . " " Exactly . He killed the real Cody and took his identity . Then he got himself a job here , near the front , where he could send back whatever snatches of information he could pick up . But then the general came to visit and she would be able to discover the truth . Because the general knew the real Cody 's brother , who also took part in Operation Zero Hour and died in the assault . She would want to meet the brother of her soldier , but there 's no way that Cody 's cover story would stand up to that kind of scrutiny . So he killed the general , hoping that the killing would be blamed on someone else , probably Joger . " " No , he was killed by another person , for reasons that had nothing to do with him being a spy or the general 's murder . He was killed by the one person who had been completely forthcoming , because she knew that she would never be suspected for the murder of the general . " Hale turned towards Franklin . " She came to this desolate piece of rock and had herself stranded in a typhoon , wanting to get to another person entirely . " With a groan , Franklin covered her face with her hands . " Then I killed the wrong man . The real Cody was already dead and I killed the wrong man . I 've waited so long for my revenge . And now I find out it 's all be for nothing . " She looked at Hale , her eyes wet . " You can 't possibly know what he did . So how did you find out it was me ? " " I knew it , when I found out Cody had been the killer . That 's when I started to suspect , that that the reason you had been so helpful was that you wanted the general 's killer found , so you could pin the murder of the cook on them as well . Everyone would assume that they had been killed because they saw who poisoned the food and leave it at that . But since the cook killed the general himself , there had to be another reason entirely for his murder . " Franklin looked down . " A ' beef ' you call it . He killed my friends from the orphanage , all of them . He was a guilty as if he had slit their throats himself and it would have been kinder if he had . " She swallowed . " I lived there for a time , after my parents died , until they could find my relatives . I made friends with the other children . I returned nine years later and found out , that not a month after I had left , there had been a outbreak of water swellings . The medicine had arrived too late and no - one had survived . I always suspected the truth , but it took more than a decade before I could get access to the records and look into it . They covered it up , you see . Cody was supposed to deliver the medicine , but he stole it . His superiors didn 't want the truth to come out , didn 't want people in the colonies to lose faith in the military , but the truth is there in the records , if you know what to look for . " Hale nodded . " The typhoon is moving on ; we 'll back in touch with the rest of the world in a few hours time . Are you going to come quietly ? " Filed under : flash fiction challenge - Tags : flash fiction challenge , witches - Eva Therese @ 11 : 41 am This weeks Flash Fiction Challenge from Chuck Wendig was to take a random song and use the title as inspiration for a story . I hit random on my iTunes collection and got Dusty Springfield : Just a little lovin ' . This is what I did with it . The man entering the shop had a nervous , haggard look with stubble and dark circles under the eyes . As he came closer , a whiff of bodily odour reached her , even through the smells of herbs and flowers , and told her that it had been a while since he had last showered . He was wearing a long , bulky winter coat , despite the mild weather . Laura nodded and turned to the shelf behind her , taking down a small bottle containing a purplish liquid . " Now this , " she began , what she liked to think of as her disclaimer speech , " will not make anyone fall head over heels in love with you , but it will make them positively minded towards you . What you do after … " Laura 's smile disappeared . The effect of the potion was very real . Sure , she mixed in purple food colouring and rosemary for the scent , but that was simply what people expected . " There is no potion that can make a stranger fall head over heels in love with you , " she explained , a bit stiffly . " Anyone who has told you that is a charlatan . " " Not a stranger . My girlfriend . My … ex - girlfriend . I want her back . I need her back . I can 't live without her . " " I … I wasn 't a good boyfriend . I took her for granted . " He shook his head . " It doesn 't matter . I 'll make it up to her . I 'll be the best boyfriend she could ever want . But she won 't believe that I 've changed . I just need a chance . Please help me . Please ! " Laura gathered up as much sympathy for the man as she could muster , which admittedly wasn 't much . She knew people like that ; treated their girlfriends or boyfriends like crap and then , when they finally got kicked out , they came crawling back , promising the sun and the moon . " I can 't help you , " she said . " Maybe your ex will come around on her own , but if not , she 's not the only woman on the planet . " Laura snapped . " I already said no ! As did she , apparently , and you need to learn to take that for an answer . What you want is tantamount to mind control and even if I could help you , I wouldn 't . Now , good day , Sir . " She pointed at the door . " I was afraid you might say that . " He reached into his pocket and pulled out a gun . " Give me a love potion or I 'll kill you . And make it something real or I 'll be back and kill you . " Laura looked up from the gun , looking the man straight in the face . " There isn 't a love potion , which can do what you want . " She lifted her hand to cut him off before he could say anything or threaten her again . " However , I can give you something else . " " Fear ? I don 't need that . I could make her fear me myself , if I thought it would do any good , but I can 't scare her into being with me . " He said can 't , thought Laura , not won 't . " It won 't make her afraid of you , just the opposite . It will make her afraid of losing you . " Laura shrugged . " Depends on how you define ' work ' . It won 't make her love you , not even like you . But she will be afraid of being without you . You won 't even have to change . You can do as you 've always done and she might end up hating you with every fibre of her being , but she won 't dare to leave . " She shrugged again . " What is love if not fear ? Fear of hurting the other , but mostly fear of being hurt , fear of leaving and being left . When you get right down to it , love , " she emphasised the words , " is terror . " " I don 't want … I 'm sorry … I 'll … " He kept on walking backwards , tried to pocket the gun , but dropped it instead , made a half - hearted grasp for it , the changed his mind . He backed into the door , turned around and slammed it open , sending the bells into a frenzy of jangling and ran outside . Laura waited about half a minute before going over , closing the door and locking it before hanging up the ' Closed ' sign . The hung over people would have to just go without a remedy today . A little suffering was good for the soul . On her way back to the counter she stooped and picked up the gun with two fingers and a look of distaste . She carried it into the back - room to where a shoebox was sitting on a shelf . She pulled out the box and opened it with one hand , put the gun down with the small assortment of other weapons , then closed it and put it back . Then she wiped her hands on her pants legs and started thinking about what she would do with the day . Maybe make some more potions for memory and concentration ; after all , the exam period would start soon . Alice sat up carefully , head spinning , ears ringing and looked at the body lying on the floor . It reminded her of the mangled body of a prey , placed there by a proud feline the size of a bull . Then she noticed scraps of clothing made from the same material as her own lab coat , tufts of hair a certain colour . " Eric ? " She reached out a hand , then snatched it back . She didn 't want to touch it and anyway , there was nothing she could do . The body looked like it had been turned inside out . She dragged her eyes away from it and looked around . The laboratory looked like it had been set on fire and then put out using a tornado . The floor was covered with broken glass and smashed equipment and there was a smell of burned wires in the air . She got up slowly , shards raining off her . The pounding in her head grew stronger . She knew she ought to find a phone that still worked and call for help , then sit down and put her head between her knees . Instead she walked over to the main computer . It was still smoking and the plastic casing had melted . It was possible that her employers would be able to salvage something from it , but she rather doubted it . And all backups were made at the end of each day on external harddrives , which were then placed in a bunker in an undisclosed location . This meant that all the work they had done today was irrevocably lost , along with any answers as to what had happened , since she had no idea . Alice frowned . The compressed air was part of the emergency system , which meant that there was no power to the door . She looked up at the lamps in the ceiling and noticed for the first time the small red lamps which indicated that they were running on their own internal backup batteries . Whatever had happened had taken out the power in the whole building . " What happened ? " asked Alice . Major Gutierrez was head of operations not just for this laboratory , but for the whole building . She might not be a scientist , but of anyone had any answers , it would be her . " I … nothing happened , " replied Alice , annoyed at her own defensive tone , but unable to check it . " We were running simulations . Just like last month and the month before . The highlight of the day was the coffee break , because the cafeteria had cinnamon rolls . " She sniffled and had to blink to keep back tears . " I suppose I should say that you weren 't just running simulations . In the basement level beneath your lab , we build a prototype of your machine . Every time you ran a simulation on the computer you actually tested it in reality as well . " Alice felt dizzy again as she let the words and their implications sink in . " Are you , " she started in a whisper , that rose to a roar , " completely insane ! ? Do you know what the machine can do ! ? " She racked her brain for an expletive . " You … you stupid bastards ! " " Yes . He helped develop your initial blueprints to a working prototype . " They both glanced at the body . " Look , you can chew me up later . Right now , I need you outside . " Then she looked across the foyer , which looked like it had been hit by an earthquake , through the huge windows to the outside and her heart seemed to stop altogether . She should have looked out on low barracks and a parking lot full of military vehicles . Instead there was nothing but empty land , rocky and windblown , with a few stubborn patches of grass and low shrubberies . " Where … " It was the soldier who had come up behind them . He licked his dry lips and started again . " Where are we , ma ' am ? " Both villages were small , but both also boasted a smithy , a holy man and a doctor . Thus , neither place had anything the other wanted and the only people who went from one to the other , except the odd traveling salesman , were young people who had met each other at one of the fairs and wanted to get further acquainted . The villages were close enough that in the summertime , if you started early in the morning , you could walk from one to another , do your business and get back before sundown , but later in the year , it often happened that one of the aforementioned young people stayed too late and had to stay the night so as not to get caught out in the dark . There were no robbers on the moor , no dangerous beast in the forest . But there was the junction . In the middle of nowhere , the track was crossed by another . People had tried following this other track in both directions and they said that on either side it went on for some miles and then faded and disappeared . But sometimes , people tried to follow the track and were never seen or heard from again . Maria carefully lifted Lily 's hand away from her waist and crawled out from under the blanket . Then she carefully tucked the blanket around her little sister , making sure to cover all of her feet . Lily was a light sleeper and if she got cold , she would wake and when she didn 't find Maria there , she would started to cry and wake the rest of their sisters and this wouldn 't do . Maria slipped on her shoes , while her eyes darted around the room , looking for any sign of movement , but the four other bodies that could be seen in the pale light were all sleeping quietly . One of them , Ella , stirred when she opened the window , but only to turn around and hug her pillow . Maria took one last look and then , before she could change her mind , she tied the end of the rope to the bedpost and climbed out the window . The Larsson family had seven daughters and in a village where not much happened , it had been the source of and endless stream of mild jibes about how you could set your calender after Eleanor Larsson 's yearly delivery . As they got older the talk had gotten to be more about how sweet and lovely the eldest of the girls , Ida , was . Last year the talk had turned to the young man she had met and fallen in love with , and after a short but hectic courtship they had married and seven months later she had given birth to a healthy boy . But just a month ago Ida 's husband had disappeared , leaving her heartbroken . She had moved back in with her parents , but the gossip was all about how she stayed in the attic with her son and refused to see anyone , just cried her eyes out . All lies ; Maria knew that . Matthew might be immature and inept in many ways , but he was as fiercely devoted to his wife and child as she was to him . Still , while Matthew was a sweet young man , Maria would never have been out on the moor in the dark for his sake . She was doing this solely for Ida . The loss of Matthew and the lies of the village was killing her , if not literally , then her at least her spirit . And Maria loved her sister far too much to stand by and do nothing . She found her way carefully in the dark . There was a full moon , which was why she had chosen this night to do this , but she still had to look at the track in front of her to be sure she didn 't lose her way . She walked for hours while the moon rose in the sky and then started to sink again , just as she reached the junction . Maria looked down , first one road , then the other , trying to decide which one to take , since they both looked the same . Then the wind , which had until then been a soft breeze , rose to a gust which pushed her in the back . And since that was as good a suggestion as any other , Maria went down that way . In the beginning she was as alone as she had been until now , but not for long . Soon she saw light light shining from behind her and had to resist the urge to turn around . Then figures started to walk past her , wearing lanterns glowing with floating golden lights that did not seem to have any source . They were human looking but all very tall and inhumanly thin . They were beautiful but in the way an orchid was beautiful . There was no warmth in the way they looked . The fair one looked at her , head cocked to one side . " Very well , " he said , finally . " After all , we could use some extra entertainment tonight . You may enter . " |
Filed under : flash fiction challenge - Tags : fairies , random generator - Eva Therese @ 8 : 12 pm Flash fiction challenge as always courtesy of the great bearded sage , Chuck Wendig . I rolled the RNG and got Demons vs Fairies . I wanted to make it a kind of cold war spy games story with some banter , but it took about six seconds for it to turn sombre . Youna made her way through the park , a spring in her step and a lightness in her chest . Living in the city , with all its iron and steel meant that she was always exhausted , always hurting . Being in the park gave her a respite , softened the pain to a dull ache . Quintin was waiting for her on a bench by the pond , surrounded by hopeful ducks . He turned to look at her even though he couldn 't have heard her approach . He had one eye missing , covered by an eyepatch . Since he should have been able to heal any injury not instantly fatal , the missing eye had to be a punishment of some sort . Youna had never asked . Quintin scooted over to make room for Youna as she sat down next to him on the bench . She looked thin and pale and washed - out , having no Glamour to spare on her looks , except what was strictly needed to make her look human enough to blend in . None of the faes living in the city had that kind of power anymore , most of it was spent simply on keeping themselves upright and what little was left was needed elsewhere . The ones still in the Courts might have , but only because they never came to the real world anymore . Instead , they sent faes like Youna to fight a losing battle against demons like Quintin . In that way , he mused , they were very much like the demon princes , sitting on their thrones in Hell , making grand plans and leaving others to carry them out or to deal with the fallout when they went wrong . Her face fell . " I actually felt good going into the park . No . Not good . " She shook her head . " But not quite as bad . " In a way , he did . He was also just a grunt sent out to fight a battle on behalf of a master he had probably never even seen and certainly never met in any meaningful sense of the word . That was what had started their tentative friendship decades ago , the feeling they both had , that they were closer to the soldier standing in front of them , than to the distant generals . And in a way , he didn 't understand , couldn 't understand , because his side was winning . At least it was winning against her side . The battle against the angels was locked in something of a standstill and there might come a day when he would understand perfectly what she felt . But today was not that day . Youna sat frozen for a moment , then turned her head sharply to look at him . " No ! " she said . " No favours given or owed . No bargains . " " It 's alright . Should have thought that one through . " He looked thoughtful . " We should have been allies , you know . I don 't mean us two , but the faes and the demons . We have no real conflict of interest since we only want the souls of humans and you only want to toy with them while they are alive . And we could have used your help against the angels , instead of squandering our resources fighting you . " The tense moment past , they sat in comfortable silence . When Quintin looked at Youna again , she had closed her eyes and was soaking in the sunlight . She looked as content as he had ever seen her , as she was ever likely to look . She also looked so ill . If she felt better in the park , he didn 't want to think about how she looked in the city . He thought about it anyway . The name ' the fair folk ' seemed like a joke and a tasteless one at that . She was wasting away . She needed to go back to the undying lands or at the very least into the woodlands and even then it might be too late . But the kings and queens of the different courts would never allow her to retreat from the lost battle . Youna was dying . The thought made his chest tighten . He 'd give her a couple more years and then she 'd simply dissolve into mist and float away on the breeze . Unless she had been hunted down by some of the more zealous demons who took it upon themselves to pick off the few remaining faes . He toyed with the idea of sending one of them after her , end her suffering now , but he couldn 't be sure that the demon wouldn 't try to capture and interrogate her . No , if he wanted to give her a quick end , he would have to do it himself . He looked at her intently ; she was half - dozing relaxed and unprepared right next to him . It would be easy . If he did it fast enough and precisely enough , she wouldn 't even know what he had done " But you don 't have to make the same mistake with the angels . Don 't eradicate another race or let yourselves be eradicated . Make peace with them . " This suggestion was so outrageous that for a moment Quintin just sat there , before finally answering . " That 's … impossible . We 've been at war for thousands of years . Besides , I 'm a lowly soldier , what can I even do ? " " You have time on your side . And if someone centuries ago had told me to strive for peace , who knows where I would have ended up ? Besides , I have something for you . " " No gifts , " he whispered . " Not favours owed . " He looked into her eyes as she placed something in his palm , pleading with her to take it back . " Oh , but that 's the beauty of it . You can 't owe favours to a dead fae . " She smiled and then , as he watched , she melted away like a mirage , leaving only her clothes on the park bench next to him . For a moment he was too stunned to do anything , then he looked down . A ball of soft greenish light laid safely cupped in his hand . The last of her Glamour . There wasn 't a lot , but more than he would have guessed she had as a last reserve . Not a lot , but enough to make a difference if he spent it carefully . He knew that the sensible thing to do would be to ignore her wish and just use the Glamour to get ahead . It wasn 't like he couldn 't use the edge it would give him in the cutthroat world that was the demon hierarchy . And yet … And yet … He put the little ball of light in his pocket . He would have to decide how to use it , but he didn 't have to decide right now . Not today . " The house is haunted , " he said in a low confidential tone . He must have mistaken her silence for disbelief because he continued : " The last family who lived her , nice couple , two sweet children , they only lasted a month . And the look on their faces when they left , in the middle of the night . I 'm telling you : that house is haunted . " There were cold spots in the house . Places here and there where it suddenly felt like you had walked into a freezer . There weren 't many and they weren 't big , but they kept moving around , making it impossible to avoid them completely . Somebody pushed copies of newspaper clippings under her door , probably the neighbor . They were about the gruesome murders that happened back in 1956 when a whole family of two adults and five children had been slaughtered in their beds with an axe . The murderer had never been caught , but during the investigation , it turned out that on the ground upon which the house stood , had previously been a small grove of trees and in 1919 , a man had been hanged there . Cecil Alderson , she read , had been suspected of having murdered his brother with an axe , to avoid having to share the inheritance after their late parents and he had bribed the sheriff to acquit him , but the brother had apparently be a popular man , because soon after a mob of enraged townspeople dragged Mr . Alderson out of his house , put a noose aorund his neck and the rest , as they said , was history . Noone was ever convicted of that murder either . She could have told him , that nothing in this house could scare her . They 're just ghosts , she thought , and my heart is a graveyard full of dead . She stopped in the middled of scrubbing a plate and made a face at the emoness . When she looked out again , the neighbor had gone . The noises stopped after that . The cold spots went as well . Instead she started to feel something like hands touching her . Sometimes they just grazed her like invisible moths , but occasionally she felt them grab her , carefully , like she was made of glass . The hands seemed eager and curious . Once she felt a hand being placed upon her arm and felt the thumb caress her skin . She smelt something like clean skin and a hint of soap . Sylvia closed her eyes and for a moment she could swear that someone was sitting right next to her , could even hear the faint sound of their breath . In her mind 's eye , she could see a young woman , hardly more than a girl , with curly hair and warm brown eyes . Harrison got out of the car and approached her . She ignored him , even though she knew it was no use pretending like she hadn 't seen him . He , onthe other hand , didnøt try to call her name , knowing that she wouldn 't respond . He made a grab for her , but she shook of his hands so violently that it almost made her lose her balance for real . She gave of any pretence at dignity . " Leave me alone ! " she yelled and stalked the few feet up the the house , limping on the twisted ankle . " Or what ? You 'll call the police ? You and I both know that you 're not going … " He paused and shivered . " Jesus , this place is freezing . How can it be freezing in the middle of the summer ? Do you have damp in the walls or something ? " Harrison heard it to and she saw a look of horror slowly creep over his face . " No , " he mumbled . " Nononono . " His eyes swirlved to Sylvia . " What is this ? ! " He sounded pleading . " There are worse things than you in this house , " she said as an unseen toddler started to wail , the temperature dropped so low that they could see their owns breaths and a gust of wind ran through the whole house and made every open door slam shut and every closed door spring wide open . Including the front door . Harrison bolted out the door and ran to his car without looking back . She felt more alive today , than she had for years . She closed her eyes and it felt like someone hugged her from behind , arms wrapped around her to keep her snug and safe . The air smelled of soap . Filed under : flash fiction challenge - Tags : flash fiction challenge , postapocalypse , random generator - Eva Therese @ 11 : 19 am Another Flash Fiction Challenge from the great bearded Chuck Wendig . This time based on a randomly generated idiom - mashup . I had to click a few times , before getting " Hindsight is a shepherd 's warning " which sounds almost reasonable , if you think about it , but not too hard . She had learned to keep the girls safe , mostly , but it had been learning by trial and error . The kind of errors that had cost lives in the beginning . Water needs to be boiled , always . Some poisonous plants look an awful lot like eatable ones . We don 't have any kind of antibiotics so even relatively small wounds can get dangerously infected . The learning curve had been steep . It would have been easier if Sally had also been here , but when one of the girls had fallen into a river , Sally had jumped in to save her and they had both been swept away by the current , never to be seen again . At least not by Mary . She blinked , realized that she had been distracted and looked down at the girl in front of her , Melanie , who was twisting and turning , face sweaty , teeth clenched like she was trying to hold in the moans , that escaped her once in a while . Mary thought of the time she 'd had appendicitis . She had felt just like the girl looked . She needed to go a hospital . Might as well say she needed to go to the moon . There were no hospitals , no nothing . They listened to the radio for news , but only about once a week to save on the batteries . There was nothing but white noise and once in a while a message on automated repeat about how citizens should barricade themselves in their homes and wait for the army to arrive . But Mary and the girls had no homes but their tents and no choice but to keep moving , picking up supplies along the way . It had only been supposed to be a weekend , an extended picnic , really . A camp away from camp . Mary had never been meant to have the responsibility to keep them alive for month after month , but she had tried her best . That 's what she tried to tell herself , but when she closed her eyes at night she was haunted by the images of the dead girls ' faces . How could she protect them from something like this ? Until now they had been trying to simply survive until the world somehow returned to some semblance of normalcy . They had gone through one day after another , gathering food and firewood and scavenging a bit from abandoned cabins . The last chocolate bar had been more than two months ago and it had been divided into fourteen tiny pieces , but some of the girls still spoke of it with longing in their voices . Two of the girls let go of each other 's hand with guilty expression , while two others held on to each other , their expressions defiant . When you thought about it , it made absolute sense that of course some of the girls would come together like that . Mary felt no anger or shock at the idea . She didn 't even remember why she would once have felt like that . She was just relieved that they were in no risk for unwanted pregnancies . " It 's a punishment , " said one of the other girls , Hester , quietly . " For being what we are . God is punishing us and everyone around … " " Don 't talk like that . " Mary 's words came out harsher than she had intended . " You 're not being punished . No - one is punishing us . There 's … there 's no - one to punish us . No - one judging us . " She continued . " But this also means that there 's no - one to save us . Until the world rights itself , it 's just us , trying to stay alive . Together . " " Go to bed . I 'll keep watch over Melanie . " She turned and was climbing back into the tent , when she was suddenly aware of a shift in the wind . It had changed direction or maybe simply picked up . It brought with it a smell of frost . There is no - one , Mary thought . No - one who watches us , no - one to watch over us . There 's just us , doing whatever we can to survive . Melanie might die in a few hours or she might live for a few days . She might even recover completely . But if frost was coming , they didn 't have a few days and they certainly didn 't have however long it would take for her to be back on her feet . They needed to get moving and find a shelter for the winter . They are children , thought Mary . There 's no - one watching over them but me . There 's no - one but me doing whatever I have to , to make sure they survive . There was a brief silence as Vanessa looked them all over . Then she dumped her keys on a small table next to the door and folded her arms . " You could have called ahead , you know . And what made you think it was okay to help yourself to coffee ? " She looked meaningfully from the cups on the coffee - table to a tall , dark and handsome man , who was leaning against the mantelpiece with the grace of a very large cat . In fact , he looked more like a predator than Dozer , who was currently looking silly with his legs at odd angles . Vanessa walked over to the man sitting with Dozer and took the cat from him . She carried it out into the kitchen , Cornelius following her , where she put it down and poured food into its bowl . She then put the kettle on to make tea and only then did she turn to look and him . " Let me stop you right there . If you 're were planning to borrow from me , I only have enough available assets to pay my rent and day - to - day expenses . The rest are tied up in some very secure and very longterm investments to make sure that I can live modestly , but comfortably for the rest of my natural life . " More comfortably , than modestly in fact . Vanessa 's apartment was not large , but it was situated in one of the most expensive neighborhoods . And there wasn 't anything in it , from the largest piece of furniture to the smallest piece of cutlery , that wasn 't either antique or custom - made . " How very sensible . But no . Actually , I 've gotten my old gang together , along with a few fresh faces and we are planning hit the Dawbert Estate , get our hands on the collection of diamonds . " There was a long silence . Dozer finished his food and walked out of the kitchen to see if he could get some more head scratches from the nice stranger . The silence dragged on , until it was broken by the sound of the water boiling . Vanessa turned , took the kettle off and poured water over the tea - leaves . Then she whirled around and hurled the empty kettle at Cornelius . He ducked and it crashed into the wall behind him before clanging to the floor . " That doesn 't make you any less great . And old habits die hard , I know that better than anyone . I was wondering , if maybe you had - out of purely academical interest , of course - maybe done some research on the Dawbert Estate ? You know , taken a stroll around the perimeter and admired the security measures , looked up a few blueprints , maybe even taken a tour . And if so , if you would maybe be willing to share your findings with a few fellow diamond - acquiring - enthusiasts . " Vanessa narrowed her eyes . " I thought you had some nerve a minute ago , but apparently I didn 't know the half of it . You 're asking me if I have done preliminary work on a heist on the Dawbert Estate and then you want to borrow it ? Just like that ? " " Vanessa , please . These people who are after me , they 're not like the people we 're used to working with . They 're the kind of people who 'll kill and maim and torture and I know you 'll say that it 's my own fault for getting involved with people like that and you would be absolutely right , but done is done and … Vanessa , I don 't want to die , especially not the way they would kill me . I 'm sorry I 'm not as sensible as you . I truly am . I wish I could have saved enough money and made some sensible and legal investments and retired and lived a quiet life , but I didn 't and I may be an ass - hat because of that , but I don 't think I deserve to pay with my life . " " You may not . " Vanessa sighed and rubbed her eyes . " Okay , then . " She picked up her tea - cup and went back into the living room . The rest of the men were all sitting there with the awkward looked worn by everyone ever forced to wait in someone else 's living - room . Dozer was back on the lap of the man from before . Vanessa gave the cat a look to let it know what she thought of its treacherous ways , but was firmly ignored . She put her tea - cup on the mantelpiece . " Wait here , " she said and went into the bedroom , closing the door behind her . She was gone for about five minutes before returning with a small bunch of tightly rolled up papers . Vanessa placed them on the coffee - table and started unrolling them . They were covered in very tiny writing with a few diagrams . She could see the eyes of one of the men next to her widen , when he realised that what he was looking at was all tiny handwriting with hand - drawn diagrams . " One condition , " she said . " You will do this on March the 21th or not at all . I 'm will be at the opera that night and will thus have an airtight alibi , if anyone should think to connect the crime to me . " " I thought you would appreciate the coincidence . " She handed him the papers and he squinted at the tiny letters . " What is this anyway ? Notes ? Schematics ? " " A manual for how to do it . How to steal the diamonds . It 's all there . Of course , I wrote it for one person with my particular skill - set ; you 'll have to modify it to get it to work for your group . But it 's all there . All you need to do . " " Okay . Sorry . Okay . " He stuffed the papers in the inside pocket of his jacket , then immediately patted it to be sure they were there . " Goodbye . And the rest of the stuff you said . " His words were cut off , when Vanessa closed the door on him . She stood for a moment and listened to the sounds of his footsteps on the stairs . Then she walked back into the living room to her rapidly cooling tea . Picture the Titanic , the largest ship on the waves in its time and one of the most famous of all times . Picture a private cabin , furnished with all the luxuries that money could buy in the beginning of the 20th century . Now picture two elegant young women in the cabin . It 's not theirs , but they know with absolute certainty , that the occupants will not be back for several hours and therefore they can use it to get ready . " I just think it 's kinda weird , is all , " said Julia defensive . She straightened a sleeve that didn 't need straightening and brushed away a nonexistent speck of dust , before continuing . " Tourists visiting the site of the most famous maritime disaster ever . Partying with lot of people who 'll all die . It 's ghoulish , if you ask me . " Liza frowned . " It doesn 't matter what period the tourists go back to . The people they meet will inevitable be dead when they go back to their own time . " " Actually a lot of the first class passengers survive . Most of the dead were among the third class passengers and nobody meets them on this tour , " Liza replied , sounding perhaps more pedantic than she intended . She sighed . " Look , you shouldn 't talk like that . The wrong person overhears it and suddenly someone might think that you 're planning to … you know , " she lowered her voice , even though they were alone , " change things . " " I didn 't even want to be here , " answered Julia with a hint of a sulk . " I was perfectly happy showing people around England during the Napoleonic Wars . My specialty was Jane Austen , you know , " she added wistfully . " Then suddenly we get word that the ban on Titanic as a destination has been lifted , the tourists are clamoring to go there and everyone who knows enough about manners to take off their gloves when eating are relegated to tour guides there . " Liza leaned against a wall . " I know how you feel . My area of expertise is the roaring twenties . I can 't wait for 2020 to roll around so we can finally start to take people on tours there . Until that happens , I just have to take whatever I can get . You think the Titanic is in bad taste , you should try doing a tour of Jack The Ripper 's Whitechapel ; leading around tourists so they can gawk at dead prostitutes . " " Yeah , but they allow people to go to the Napoleonic War . Like , not just the time period , they actually go to the battlefields . And except for the technology and the numbers , there 's really no difference between one war and the other . " " I hope you 're right . It 's so frustrating , you know . We have this wonderful technology , this gift . We can go to any point in history , see any marvel that has ever existed and tourists want to see death and destruction . " " We 're ready , " said Julia and made another last - minute adjustment of something which didn 't need adjusting . She looked over at Liza , who was still leaning against the wall and reached a decision . Now , before courage failed her . " Liza ? " she said , and the other woman straightened up and looked at her . " You know … " She was talking faster now , the words spilling out of her . " I also think the twenties is a really interesting period and maybe you don 't have to wait until 2020 to go . I mean , if you send in an application to go there for research purposes . " " Yeah , but my cousin is on the board . Maybe I can put in a word for you . Because I 'd really like to go as well . With you . I 'd like to go to with you . " " If you want to , of course . You can go alone . Or with someone else . If there 's someone else you 'd rather go with . " I 'm babbling , she thought and managed to shut herself up . She looked at Liza with eyes that she hoped was less puppy - dog - like than she felt . Filed under : flash fiction challenge , Uncategorized - Tags : detective , random generator , science fiction - Eva Therese @ 7 : 16 pm It 's been forever since I last did one of these , but fortunately I am unable to withstand the lure of a random subgenre mash - up . I rolled a 9 and a 10 and got Whodunit ? / Military Sci - fi . Yay ! I don 't really know anything about the military , but sci - fi means that I can just make stuff up . " I cannot claim much knowledge about legal procedures on Earth , " said Joger , a large grey and green alien , who spoke via voice synthesizer . " But should there not be an arrest made ? A trial of some sort ? Why are we here ? " " All in good time , " said Hale . " You see , this was a very clever killer , who led me on a merry chase . " She narrowed her eyes . " Helped by everyone in here . " " Kirst , " interrupted Hale and pointed a finger at him . " You claimed to be oh - so - fond of the general , when in fact it was so strained between you , that she had been planning to fire you as her orderly . That meant that you would have to join the rank and file and maybe even get in a real battle . " Kirst started stuttering , but no real words came out , as Hale continued . " Did you tell me any of this ? No , I had to dig around in Tibbett 's waste paper basket , where I found the draft for Tibbett 's letter where she was writing to request a replacement . The typhoon stopped all outgoing communications and you managed to delete the message , she was going to send , but she always wrote a paper draft first . And if you hadn 't been such a poor orderly you would have known that . " " I swear , " Kirst was sweating now . " I didn 't kill her . It 's true she was going to fire me and when I found her dead , I thought that maybe she hadn 't sent the message yet and so I deleted it . But I didn 't kill her ! " She turned to Joger . " And you 're here as a negotiator on behalf of your people . But very conveniently forgot to mention that you have a history with Tibbett . Back when she was Sergeant of the Riders she led Operation Zero Hour in which your home town of Moegawa was annihilated . I only found out because Tibbett regularly sent money to a foundation for veterans from the battle . And I only knew about that , because Tibbett mistrusted the computers enough to keep a written record of all transactions she made . Took a while to unravel it , but I found out in the end . " " That was then . We must focus on the now , if we are ever to achieve peace . " Joger replied in his clipped speech . " I did not kill the general . " " I know . " Hale turned to the last person , the woman who had first spoken . " And then there 's you , Justicar Franklin , who came to a remote military base on an inspection , right before getting caught by an electric typhoon . And at the same time as the general was here , no less . Very peculiar timing , if you ask me . " Franklin smirked . " Surely , you 're not accusing me of being uncooperative . I 've told you all about the general and my relationship with her ; not that there was much to tell . " " Exactly . He killed the real Cody and took his identity . Then he got himself a job here , near the front , where he could send back whatever snatches of information he could pick up . But then the general came to visit and she would be able to discover the truth . Because the general knew the real Cody 's brother , who also took part in Operation Zero Hour and died in the assault . She would want to meet the brother of her soldier , but there 's no way that Cody 's cover story would stand up to that kind of scrutiny . So he killed the general , hoping that the killing would be blamed on someone else , probably Joger . " " No , he was killed by another person , for reasons that had nothing to do with him being a spy or the general 's murder . He was killed by the one person who had been completely forthcoming , because she knew that she would never be suspected for the murder of the general . " Hale turned towards Franklin . " She came to this desolate piece of rock and had herself stranded in a typhoon , wanting to get to another person entirely . " With a groan , Franklin covered her face with her hands . " Then I killed the wrong man . The real Cody was already dead and I killed the wrong man . I 've waited so long for my revenge . And now I find out it 's all be for nothing . " She looked at Hale , her eyes wet . " You can 't possibly know what he did . So how did you find out it was me ? " " I knew it , when I found out Cody had been the killer . That 's when I started to suspect , that that the reason you had been so helpful was that you wanted the general 's killer found , so you could pin the murder of the cook on them as well . Everyone would assume that they had been killed because they saw who poisoned the food and leave it at that . But since the cook killed the general himself , there had to be another reason entirely for his murder . " Franklin looked down . " A ' beef ' you call it . He killed my friends from the orphanage , all of them . He was a guilty as if he had slit their throats himself and it would have been kinder if he had . " She swallowed . " I lived there for a time , after my parents died , until they could find my relatives . I made friends with the other children . I returned nine years later and found out , that not a month after I had left , there had been a outbreak of water swellings . The medicine had arrived too late and no - one had survived . I always suspected the truth , but it took more than a decade before I could get access to the records and look into it . They covered it up , you see . Cody was supposed to deliver the medicine , but he stole it . His superiors didn 't want the truth to come out , didn 't want people in the colonies to lose faith in the military , but the truth is there in the records , if you know what to look for . " Hale nodded . " The typhoon is moving on ; we 'll back in touch with the rest of the world in a few hours time . Are you going to come quietly ? " Filed under : flash fiction challenge - Tags : flash fiction challenge , witches - Eva Therese @ 11 : 41 am This weeks Flash Fiction Challenge from Chuck Wendig was to take a random song and use the title as inspiration for a story . I hit random on my iTunes collection and got Dusty Springfield : Just a little lovin ' . This is what I did with it . The man entering the shop had a nervous , haggard look with stubble and dark circles under the eyes . As he came closer , a whiff of bodily odour reached her , even through the smells of herbs and flowers , and told her that it had been a while since he had last showered . He was wearing a long , bulky winter coat , despite the mild weather . Laura nodded and turned to the shelf behind her , taking down a small bottle containing a purplish liquid . " Now this , " she began , what she liked to think of as her disclaimer speech , " will not make anyone fall head over heels in love with you , but it will make them positively minded towards you . What you do after … " Laura 's smile disappeared . The effect of the potion was very real . Sure , she mixed in purple food colouring and rosemary for the scent , but that was simply what people expected . " There is no potion that can make a stranger fall head over heels in love with you , " she explained , a bit stiffly . " Anyone who has told you that is a charlatan . " " Not a stranger . My girlfriend . My … ex - girlfriend . I want her back . I need her back . I can 't live without her . " " I … I wasn 't a good boyfriend . I took her for granted . " He shook his head . " It doesn 't matter . I 'll make it up to her . I 'll be the best boyfriend she could ever want . But she won 't believe that I 've changed . I just need a chance . Please help me . Please ! " Laura gathered up as much sympathy for the man as she could muster , which admittedly wasn 't much . She knew people like that ; treated their girlfriends or boyfriends like crap and then , when they finally got kicked out , they came crawling back , promising the sun and the moon . " I can 't help you , " she said . " Maybe your ex will come around on her own , but if not , she 's not the only woman on the planet . " Laura snapped . " I already said no ! As did she , apparently , and you need to learn to take that for an answer . What you want is tantamount to mind control and even if I could help you , I wouldn 't . Now , good day , Sir . " She pointed at the door . " I was afraid you might say that . " He reached into his pocket and pulled out a gun . " Give me a love potion or I 'll kill you . And make it something real or I 'll be back and kill you . " Laura looked up from the gun , looking the man straight in the face . " There isn 't a love potion , which can do what you want . " She lifted her hand to cut him off before he could say anything or threaten her again . " However , I can give you something else . " " Fear ? I don 't need that . I could make her fear me myself , if I thought it would do any good , but I can 't scare her into being with me . " He said can 't , thought Laura , not won 't . " It won 't make her afraid of you , just the opposite . It will make her afraid of losing you . " Laura shrugged . " Depends on how you define ' work ' . It won 't make her love you , not even like you . But she will be afraid of being without you . You won 't even have to change . You can do as you 've always done and she might end up hating you with every fibre of her being , but she won 't dare to leave . " She shrugged again . " What is love if not fear ? Fear of hurting the other , but mostly fear of being hurt , fear of leaving and being left . When you get right down to it , love , " she emphasised the words , " is terror . " " I don 't want … I 'm sorry … I 'll … " He kept on walking backwards , tried to pocket the gun , but dropped it instead , made a half - hearted grasp for it , the changed his mind . He backed into the door , turned around and slammed it open , sending the bells into a frenzy of jangling and ran outside . Laura waited about half a minute before going over , closing the door and locking it before hanging up the ' Closed ' sign . The hung over people would have to just go without a remedy today . A little suffering was good for the soul . On her way back to the counter she stooped and picked up the gun with two fingers and a look of distaste . She carried it into the back - room to where a shoebox was sitting on a shelf . She pulled out the box and opened it with one hand , put the gun down with the small assortment of other weapons , then closed it and put it back . Then she wiped her hands on her pants legs and started thinking about what she would do with the day . Maybe make some more potions for memory and concentration ; after all , the exam period would start soon . Alice sat up carefully , head spinning , ears ringing and looked at the body lying on the floor . It reminded her of the mangled body of a prey , placed there by a proud feline the size of a bull . Then she noticed scraps of clothing made from the same material as her own lab coat , tufts of hair a certain colour . " Eric ? " She reached out a hand , then snatched it back . She didn 't want to touch it and anyway , there was nothing she could do . The body looked like it had been turned inside out . She dragged her eyes away from it and looked around . The laboratory looked like it had been set on fire and then put out using a tornado . The floor was covered with broken glass and smashed equipment and there was a smell of burned wires in the air . She got up slowly , shards raining off her . The pounding in her head grew stronger . She knew she ought to find a phone that still worked and call for help , then sit down and put her head between her knees . Instead she walked over to the main computer . It was still smoking and the plastic casing had melted . It was possible that her employers would be able to salvage something from it , but she rather doubted it . And all backups were made at the end of each day on external harddrives , which were then placed in a bunker in an undisclosed location . This meant that all the work they had done today was irrevocably lost , along with any answers as to what had happened , since she had no idea . Alice frowned . The compressed air was part of the emergency system , which meant that there was no power to the door . She looked up at the lamps in the ceiling and noticed for the first time the small red lamps which indicated that they were running on their own internal backup batteries . Whatever had happened had taken out the power in the whole building . " What happened ? " asked Alice . Major Gutierrez was head of operations not just for this laboratory , but for the whole building . She might not be a scientist , but of anyone had any answers , it would be her . " I … nothing happened , " replied Alice , annoyed at her own defensive tone , but unable to check it . " We were running simulations . Just like last month and the month before . The highlight of the day was the coffee break , because the cafeteria had cinnamon rolls . " She sniffled and had to blink to keep back tears . " I suppose I should say that you weren 't just running simulations . In the basement level beneath your lab , we build a prototype of your machine . Every time you ran a simulation on the computer you actually tested it in reality as well . " Alice felt dizzy again as she let the words and their implications sink in . " Are you , " she started in a whisper , that rose to a roar , " completely insane ! ? Do you know what the machine can do ! ? " She racked her brain for an expletive . " You … you stupid bastards ! " " Yes . He helped develop your initial blueprints to a working prototype . " They both glanced at the body . " Look , you can chew me up later . Right now , I need you outside . " Then she looked across the foyer , which looked like it had been hit by an earthquake , through the huge windows to the outside and her heart seemed to stop altogether . She should have looked out on low barracks and a parking lot full of military vehicles . Instead there was nothing but empty land , rocky and windblown , with a few stubborn patches of grass and low shrubberies . " Where … " It was the soldier who had come up behind them . He licked his dry lips and started again . " Where are we , ma ' am ? " Both villages were small , but both also boasted a smithy , a holy man and a doctor . Thus , neither place had anything the other wanted and the only people who went from one to the other , except the odd traveling salesman , were young people who had met each other at one of the fairs and wanted to get further acquainted . The villages were close enough that in the summertime , if you started early in the morning , you could walk from one to another , do your business and get back before sundown , but later in the year , it often happened that one of the aforementioned young people stayed too late and had to stay the night so as not to get caught out in the dark . There were no robbers on the moor , no dangerous beast in the forest . But there was the junction . In the middle of nowhere , the track was crossed by another . People had tried following this other track in both directions and they said that on either side it went on for some miles and then faded and disappeared . But sometimes , people tried to follow the track and were never seen or heard from again . Maria carefully lifted Lily 's hand away from her waist and crawled out from under the blanket . Then she carefully tucked the blanket around her little sister , making sure to cover all of her feet . Lily was a light sleeper and if she got cold , she would wake and when she didn 't find Maria there , she would started to cry and wake the rest of their sisters and this wouldn 't do . Maria slipped on her shoes , while her eyes darted around the room , looking for any sign of movement , but the four other bodies that could be seen in the pale light were all sleeping quietly . One of them , Ella , stirred when she opened the window , but only to turn around and hug her pillow . Maria took one last look and then , before she could change her mind , she tied the end of the rope to the bedpost and climbed out the window . The Larsson family had seven daughters and in a village where not much happened , it had been the source of and endless stream of mild jibes about how you could set your calender after Eleanor Larsson 's yearly delivery . As they got older the talk had gotten to be more about how sweet and lovely the eldest of the girls , Ida , was . Last year the talk had turned to the young man she had met and fallen in love with , and after a short but hectic courtship they had married and seven months later she had given birth to a healthy boy . But just a month ago Ida 's husband had disappeared , leaving her heartbroken . She had moved back in with her parents , but the gossip was all about how she stayed in the attic with her son and refused to see anyone , just cried her eyes out . All lies ; Maria knew that . Matthew might be immature and inept in many ways , but he was as fiercely devoted to his wife and child as she was to him . Still , while Matthew was a sweet young man , Maria would never have been out on the moor in the dark for his sake . She was doing this solely for Ida . The loss of Matthew and the lies of the village was killing her , if not literally , then her at least her spirit . And Maria loved her sister far too much to stand by and do nothing . She found her way carefully in the dark . There was a full moon , which was why she had chosen this night to do this , but she still had to look at the track in front of her to be sure she didn 't lose her way . She walked for hours while the moon rose in the sky and then started to sink again , just as she reached the junction . Maria looked down , first one road , then the other , trying to decide which one to take , since they both looked the same . Then the wind , which had until then been a soft breeze , rose to a gust which pushed her in the back . And since that was as good a suggestion as any other , Maria went down that way . In the beginning she was as alone as she had been until now , but not for long . Soon she saw light light shining from behind her and had to resist the urge to turn around . Then figures started to walk past her , wearing lanterns glowing with floating golden lights that did not seem to have any source . They were human looking but all very tall and inhumanly thin . They were beautiful but in the way an orchid was beautiful . There was no warmth in the way they looked . The fair one looked at her , head cocked to one side . " Very well , " he said , finally . " After all , we could use some extra entertainment tonight . You may enter . " |
This article is not part of the 3 - article series I 'm working on , but I suddenly felt all of this love energy around me coming from my grandfather right after I made a tribute post to him on my personal Facebook about 20 minutes ago . He is ALWAYS around , helping and guiding me and is a constant presence , but sometimes his presence has more power behind it and today it 's especially strong . I felt inspired to maybe help some of you who wish to have contact with loved ones of your own that are in spirit but have blocks , or some kind of energy " bottle necking " that 's stopping you from making contact . There is no exact science to this , and each person and relationship is individual . All I can do is tell you all my own story and maybe you can find some inspiration and helpful infos within it . The key to this sort of contact is about FEELING , not THINKING . You need to allow yourself to open up energetically through your heart chakra , like an energy beacon . The more open your heart chakra is the more open your perception will be . The third eye chakra is of importance as well obviously , but they all need to be working in harmony with each other . Everything needs to be working together like a circuit on a machine . Just like a braker box . Your heart chakra is the " centre " of it all and connects everything with everything else . Without that it 's hopeless to have any sort of connection . What people fail to realize is your heart chakra is kind of like your energetic " telephone " , not just with the spirit world but with the living as well . And if you 're a person that has a tendency to be blocked energetically , or shielded whether conscious or not , you are not going to be making OR receiving any calls . You will have a " dead phone line " if you will , not serving its purpose and simply existing , not functioning . I know this because that 's what I had for 20 years and only recently , less than 6 months , my blocks finally began to clear and contact was made possible with my grandfather again . He passed when I was 8 turning 9 and it 's so hard for me to believe that he 's been gone 20 years already . I 'm so thankful that God let me have him in my life even for the short amount of time I had him . In those 4 years that I was living with him he gave me more than I could 've ever asked for and I totally count myself as one of the lucky ones to even have experienced that kind of love and protection . And like I said , he 's still protecting and helping me constantly and will always be there for me . That kind of " heart connection " transcends all spiritual planes , all time and space and death is NOT an end to those things . Through the years prior to my spiritual " awakening and connecting " if you will , there were always signs all over . The main way he would use to communicate with me was dream time . Whenever things were rough or I was having issues , or he sensed that I needed to see him he would show himself in my dreams . I remember vividly , about 9 years ago I had 3 dreams with him in a row one week and they were TOTALLY vivid ( my dreams always are but these for some reason were especially ) and he was still alive in these dreams … . . it was just everyday life the way it was in my waking life , but it was totally different because he was still here with me . Through the years , typically right before I would fall asleep I would feel this tingling sensation on my leg …… that was him letting me know he 's still around although I didn 't realize that until I started to open up spiritually . When things finally started to open up for me , which was like I said about 5 1 / 2 months ago that 's when things started to get very strong as far as the energetic perception . I remember one day , I was parked in a bank parking lot avoiding going home because my ex fiance and I were fighting constantly at that point . I was chatting with a friend earlier that day who happens to be a psychic medium and my grandfather came through to her as we were chatting . She became SO emotional so quickly she had to step out for a bit because she felt how intense the love was he has for me … . . I was totally floored . When she came back she told me that " He says to relax and let him hug you " … . . so I relaxed , as much as was possible in that moment , and then suddenly I felt this tingle on my leg … . . that 's when it all clicked with me what that tingling on my leg was for all these years ! ! ! So later that day as I was sitting in the bank parking lot sobbing trying to deal with what had just occurred . I was just talking out loud to him and being totally honest . I apologized for blocking him all these years and I didn 't mean to , and I 'm so thankful that he didn 't give up trying to make contact and it 's totally different now . Then suddenly I felt this EXTREME warmth and calming around my heart and I stopped crying instantly , and it was totally replaced with love and serenity . Then when I was going through trying to decide whether or not to leave my ex fiance he was totally present and helping . One night I had this dream where I was in a house with 2 other guys . I had my tarot cards sitting on the coffee table in the middle of the room out of the box . The cards just kept flying off the deck at random , and one of the guys asked me why they were doing that . I told him " Oh , it 's my grandfather . Whenever he wants to communicate with me he uses the cards . " He said " Oh okay " and walked away and I walked into the kitchen . A few minutes later he ran back into the kitchen holding the ' 10 ' card and super energized and excited , practically jumping up and down saying " It did it again ! ! " I wasn 't sure why he was so excited about it but I just took the card from him and went and sat in the other room with the 2 of them . When I sat down we started to discuss some things , and then I remember FEELING my grandfather standing behind me … like he was standing next to my bed as I was having this dream . In the dream I started to turn my head to the right because I felt him behind me and was about to look at him and my dog started howling and it woke me up . Out of curiosity I went to my tarot card book to look at the meaning of the ' 10 ' card . It was totally my answer that I was going back and forth about as to whether or not to leave my fiance . The angels sent you this card because of positive changes occurring in your life . Expect and enjoy beneficial opportunities as they present themselves . This is an optimal time to make big and small changes . Take the leap with knowledge that everything will work out well for you . Old blocks are lifting , and now everything moves forward quickly . If recent events shook your faith , you 'll now see how they were actually positive for you . Rapid advancement is likely now . Good luck . A happy accident . Balanced karma . A miracle . A twist of fate . Destiny . Archangel Michael is the supreme protecting angel who walks beside you through changes , giving you courage , strength and self - confidence . Call upon Michael whenever you 'd like specific guidance about your next steps , especially if it 's connected to your life purpose or spiritual path . The circle of life , and of fate , spins on this card of changes . Below the wheel lurks the serpent of deep , dark times . Above it is the sphinx of airy freedom and insight . This reminds us that fortune can turn either way , but both have much to teach us . Jupiter , planet of golden luck , is also linked to this card . ( My zodiac sign , Sagittarius , is also ruled by Jupiter ) The wheel of fortune is turning now , and moving you away from the people and the situations that have been hurting your heart . And , tempting though it is to cling to familiar feelings and faces , even ones that are bad for you , the strongest message of this card is one of letting go , and looking forward . You should also be leaving past love mistakes behind and trying a new love - style . This is one that adds self - respect to an element of mystery , and stops you rushing into requests for commitment before either side is ready . Change is natural , sometimes unstoppable - so it 's good to deal with it . Welcoming it puts you in a stronger position . For at last difficult times are now being left behind as you spin in a new direction , towards new opportunities . Please , open your mind , and your heart , to change . The biggest mistake you can make is to cling too tightly to old , safe ideas - you will miss exciting new ones . And , if all of this wasn 't enough of a push for me just to make SURE that I heard the message , true to my grandfather 's style …… I had a photo of my ex and I hanging on the wall right next to my nightstand . After I read the meaning of the cards in the books I walked in front of my nightstand and was facing the photo and then suddenly , it went FLYING off the wall and landed behind the nightstand . He was totally clear that the way I was treated was NOT okay with him and he finally had contact with me again , and is using it fully to let me know that , lolol 🙂 This was my dog I had when I lived with my ex fiance in Texas . I was working night shift as a private duty nurse in home health at the time , 7pm to 7 am . Every morning when I would come home my dogs would come running to the door to greet me . That morning though , 2 of my dogs ran to the door to greet me and then a few seconds later , Ace comes into the dining room to try to get to me and dragging his back legs . He couldn 't walk and was paralyzed from his hips down . There was a very specific and particular whine that he was making that was unmistakable . He was clearly in agony and an extreme amount of pain . I instantly started to panic and my ex and I got him in the car and rushed him to an emergency vet . They of course told us that they couldn 't do anything for him and referred us to a vet that specialized in this kind of issue for dogs . This vet was 4 hours away from where we lived . So we got in the car again and rushed him 4 hours away to this vet . They evaluated him for about 10 minutes and then rushed him into surgery . It turned out he had herniated discs in his back which caused a blood clot to press on his spinal cord causing paralysis . They did the surgery and about a week later he came home . The vet taught me how to check his deep tendon reflexes in case this was ever an issue again . 2 . 5 months after the surgery I was getting up for the day one morning and I heard that same unmistakable whine come out of his mouth . I knew instantly what it meant , that he was facing the same issue . I checked his reflexes and sure enough I was right . Typically when you check a deep tendon reflex for dogs , you pick up one of their feet and bend their toes , kind of like trying to make a fist with their foot when placing it on the ground . If their deep tendon reflexes are in tact the dog will automatically correct the position of their foot . When I checked his he didn 't do anything to his foot , he just left it in that position . I took him to his regular vet that was local and my ex had to go to work . They did x - rays on myMy display for Ace in my apartment So , let 's fast forward to the now . About 2 and a half weeks ago Ace came to me in a dream . When I woke up I was very confused by what occurred in the dream , and everyone I told about it just kept saying either " You still feel guilty for having to put him down " or " He 's just letting you know he 's still around " … . . In this dream him and I were speaking telepathically . His voice was very deep but soothing , and he kept telling me to light him on fire . I didn 't want to do this and kept refusing his request but he was so totally persistent that finally I did . That was the door finally opening for me to recognize my cosmic counterpart , and start to see all of these parallels between him and I . Right when I moved back to New York it occurred to me then about 3 months ago to look at the photos but I kept talking myself out of it . I still had a lot of healing to do at that point and a lot of work within myself . I wasn 't ready yet . A couple of days ago I was chatting privately with a friend and I was showing her some evidence photos that I 've compiled and all that . She asked me if I minded if she calculated my birthdate and his birthdate with the Mayan calendar . You do this to see how compatable your energies are with another person . She did the calculations and was TOTALLY shocked with what she saw . Him and I are EXACTLY the same … . . we 've got the same break down and the same tone and everything . She told me that she 's never seen that in front of her before and him and I have totally the same energy . This is the most interesting part though : When reading my OWN calculations that she put together , it says that my spirit guide is " the white dog " … . Instantly when I read that the light bulb went off and I knew EXACTLY what that dream was ! ! ! It was my spirit guide opening the door for me to finally recognize the other part of myself , the male side of my energy and soul . This was so totally precise and spot on to what I was uncovering the passed few weeks in regards to my twin soul journey that it completely floored me . One thing is completely and totally for certain : God works in fantastic , marvelous and mysterious ways . This is it for now 🙂 I will be writing more tonight and tomorrow for the rest of the articles 😉 I was engaged to be married to a guy who I was completely and totally head over heels for ( until I wasn 't anymore ) . We were together for 8 years and were even trying to get pregnant and start a family at one point . When I said yes to his marriage proposal and agreed to wear that ring on my finger , I had EVERY intention of following through with that because it was what I thought I wanted . I saw in my head visions of him and I on Christmas morning with our children . I saw family parties and family game nights and birthdays and holidays and baby bottles and everything I always wanted out of a marriage and a life with the person you love more than anything in the world . But that 's what the issue was . I loved him more than I loved myself at the time and was totally blinded by it . I didn 't see the clear ultimate truth of the situation , which was that he was controlling and mentally and emotionally abusive for the entire 8 years we were together . I had an abusive childhood and the only stable and loving father figure I ever had in my life was my grandfather . He died when I was 9 and that 's when the abuse began and continued for 2 years until I finally broke and spoke up . A part of me was unfortunately attracted to my ex fiance because of the abusive quality he had as a result of the abuse in my childhood . I didn 't allow myself to admit it until this past year . Who wants to admit to themselves that they accepted that kind of treatment from a person ? And furthermore , who wants to admit that they not only accepted that kind of treatment but wanted to build a life with him in spite of that ? The extent of how controlling and mentally manipulative he was didn 't come into clear sight to me until I made the decision to finally try to heal from my childhood abuse . The closer I got to my goal which was to be healed the worse he got . My ex was completely and totally controlling , manipulative and emotionally twisting towards me . It wasn 't fully clear until I started to take the control back from him . I told him it wasn 't going to work and we needed to go our separate ways . Two days later he called me begging me to work it out with him . I told him okay , but if we were going to do that we were going to start from the ground up . The foundation of our relationship was what the issue was . He became so comfortable with treating me the way he always did that he had no idea there was anything wrong with it . So , I told him if he wants to work on things then fine , but it will be on my terms . I moved out for a month until he found a place and then when he moved out I moved back into our apartment . The day he was leaving I was very stressed because the friend I was staying with at the time needed me to get out that day and not a day later . Her and her ex girlfriend were working on things and broke up for a while , but my friend saw the spare room that I 've been staying in as a way to get her ex girlfriend back . She was totally rushing me and had no consideration for the fact that my entire life was upside down at that point . At this point in my life all the people I was surrounded by had NO consideration for me . They wanted me around for the things they needed from me , yes . But if they had everything they needed from me at the time they were nowhere to be found if I needed anything . Like my friends who wanted me around to be their emotional punching bag or my ex who wanted me around to clean and cook for him and give him sex whenever he wanted ( whether I wanted to or not ) or take care of the dogs or do the laundry . He never wanted me for ME . He wanted me for what he could get from me . So then , once I started on my journey of spiritual awakening and awareness , that 's when it became clear to me . The more I became in tune with my true purpose of being on this planet and the more I attracted more positivity and self empowerment the further away from me all of these people became . There was a definite distance between me and them , way before the physical distance was even there . They couldn 't handle the fact that I was taking the control back from them that they had for all these years . Because of the degree of controlling at the end that I was receiving from my ex I had to leave full movie style because I knew he wouldn 't accept my decision and wouldn 't allow me to leave . I left the ring and a note on the dining room table . My mom flew down and did the drive up with me . I was the only one driving because her driver 's license isn 't active , but it was nice to have someone there with me anyway . I packed my entire life in my little Toyota Corolla . Myself , my mother and my two dogs in tow , we were on our way back to my hometown to build a new life for ourselves . It killed me to see these things . One night before we broke up I told him that the way he speaks to me is emotional and mental abuse . He became irate and we got into a fight about it . I told him after I got these websites / videos in the messages he sent me that sometimes there are certain things between people that you can 't get passed . But now even only 2 months out of the break up , I 'm so thankful that I had the courage to finally take a stand and take back the control over my life . The " friends " that I discussed earlier were also very upset with me for leaving . They said they " didn 't deserve this treatment " , meaning me taking a stand . It 's incredible how angry people get when you finally have strength and courage and say " absolutely no more of this treatment " . This was incredibly stressful for everyone involved . It was the most stressful on my dogs though I think . I had them boarded at a local veterinary office for 6 weeks . It took me that long to find a place that I could have them both . I would go a few times a week to see them and walk them . Every time I had to bring them back in there it felt like a piece of me died . But I did my best to keep moving forward and keep the positive vibes as much as I possibly could , and remind myself that this is only TEMPORARY and nothing that 's worth having happens overnight . In the meantime I was working like a mad woman trying to find a home for us and land a job for me . I 'm licensed in my practice and so I was waiting on my license transferring from the state I left to the state I moved to . It takes 6 weeks for licenses to transfer . Just being away from all of the negativity though I felt myself not being suffocated anymore . There was an automatic result of empowerment and independence and security that came along with the change of energies around me . I had some similar energies around me in different places here also , but I recognized them WAY easier because of what I had been through and removed myself from them immediately once I recognized them . I started to feel whole again and safe and secure . That feeling means everything . It was such a foreign feeling to me . My ex of course was trying everything he could in the meantime to regain control over me . One of the first things I did when I got here was changed my number and only a very select few have it . I didn 't want him to have any way of contacting me but he still tried . He would message me on Facebook messenger and I wouldn 't answer . He had his friends contact me telling me to contact him and I wouldn 't answer . And then when none of that worked he called my MOTHER and asked her to ask me for money for the last of the bills . I paid an entire month of rent before I left to give him time to figure out what he was going to do . But the " money " is just code for " control " to him . It always was . I was beyond livid that he would go that far as to try to get my mother involved . I don 't know why it surprised me because he was desperate and always looked at me as his property . I blocked him and all of his family and friends from my Facebook and my mother did the same . Within an hour of me doing that I started getting emails from him because that was the only mode of contact he had left . Then things were quiet for a couple of weeks . My perception has been opening up a ton since being here . The less negative energies that are around me the more aware of things I am because my perception is no longer clouded by them . Please don 't misunderstand though , there 's no way to get completely away from negative energies . They 're everywhere . But I 'm way more able to sense them now . I am very in tune and always had precognitive dreams or have dreams that are " information " and not really dreams at all . You 're the most spiritually aware when you 're asleep . A few days ago I had a couple of dreams and I was in the room when these conversations were happening but nobody saw me . It was my ex having conversations with people , saying " She left me for no reason " , " I should 've seen it coming " , " She took my dogs away " , " She lost her mind " … . I woke up livid . I knew that these dreams were legitimate pieces of information given my history of accuracy with my dreams . I can 't tell you how many times my dreams would come to fruition and it freaked me out when I was a child because it didn 't make sense to me why I was able to do that and foresee events happening . But now as an adult it 's a very useful skill to have . There is a complete and total sense of injustice around this entire situation . I was the one that took a stand and was abused . And instead of taking the " victim " stance I took the driver 's seat back . And now he has the balls to go around and tell people that I left for no reason ? ? When I woke up from these dreams the life was totally sucked out of me . I was exhausted when I woke up and was totally drained and energetically tapped . I 've learned how to shield myself and replenish my energies . I haven 't had anymore dreams though in a couple of days and hopefully there won 't be anymore . But if there are , just know that I 'm ready and prepared . This song explains it perfectly : This song totally resonates with this whole entire experience and did way before I made the decision to leave him . That 's the way I felt . Totally manipulated and the story was always twisted around and the truth was NEVER discussed or talked about . I apologize for the delay in my writing . After I posted that I was going to be publishing this article some things happened that had me delayed . I 'm in an incredibly transitional time in my life and things have been going up and down . Sometimes it 's little waves and sometimes it 's a tsunami , and last night was for sure a tsunami and had me distracted . Anyway , like I said on my post on Facebook some events yesterday that transpired before the tsunami type of issue I had last night had me thinking . As a nurse , you write " care plans " for your patients . In it is long term goals and short term goals . Here 's an example of a care plan : Nursing has come a long way as far as acknowledging the spiritual health of a person , please don 't misunderstand me . They even teach classes in nursing programs now solely dedicated to the spiritual health of a person . What they say though in these classes is extremely vague and I feel doesn 't exactly tap into the soul in its ' entirety , especially when discussing the health of that soul ( health meaning " wholeness " of course ) . Here 's an example of the kind of " spiritual care plans " I 'm talking about : So as you can see , this is NOT an exact science at all . It all has to do with looking within ourselves , to discover how we connect with our soul the most . This is not a one size fits all situation when talking about these things . And I also realize that I didn 't put a time frame on the second goal . I did that purposely . There are some people who open up very fast as far as their chakras and energy bodies ( aura ) goes , and other people never get there . It all depends on the individual . Here is some imagery to help you understand what I 'm talking about as far as the chakras and different bodies go : In my " spiritual care plan " that I created the issue was a blocked heart chakra . The heart chakra has to do with love and healing . So , if you 've got a blocked heart chakra it means that you have healing to do about something . That can mean a bad relationship , the death of a loved one , abuse , etc . The " implementations " that I put on the care plan ALL assist in a healing way . Meditation also helps tremendously when trying to assess the problem that is causing your heart chakra to be blocked . This movie is about two sisters who are from a magical upbringing . Their ancestor who was the " first witch " of the family fell in love with a man . She became pregnant by this man and then he died . She gave birth to their baby heart broken and screaming in emotional and physical pain . In order to protect those that came after her in the family from the same heartbreak that she felt , she placed a curse on all the women in their family that ensured that if any of them fell in love with a man that the man would die . The way that the women in the family would know that the man they loved was going to die was they would hear the " death beetle " make its ' noise . The sisters , " Jilly " ( Nicole Kidman ) who is the red headed sister and " Sally " ( Sandra Bullock ) who is the brunette sister are three generations after the " first witch " . When they were children their father was killed by the curse and their mother died of a broken heart . When their parents died they moved in with " the aunts " who were still practicing witches . Because of what happened to their parents the sisters approached dealing with it and healing from it in different ways . Sally did a spell when she was a child to never fall in love . She wrote a spell that called on a man who " couldn 't possibly exist because he was too perfect " . The spell called for a man who had one green eye and one blue . The aunts did a spell when Sally became an adult to counteract the spell she did as a child and enabled her to fall in love . The man she married and had two children with weren 't protected from the curse though and he was killed . The man she married though didn 't have one green eye and one blue eye , he had brown eyes . Sally then turned around with her two girls ( who are also a brunette and a red head : - ) ) and moved in with the aunts . Jilly was always a " lose canon " in a way , going through life lost and following the wind more than anything else . When an adult she got into an incredibly abusive relationship with a man named " Jimmy Angelo " . The sisters had done a " blood binding " when they were children , where they cut their palm and mixed their blood . It 's through the scar on each of their hands that they can sense each other from across the room or across the country , wherever they may be in the world they sense each other through this scar . One night Sally was laying in bed looking at her scar on her palm , tickling it with her finger and said " Jilly " out loud . Right when she said her sister 's name her phone rang and it was her sister in serious trouble with this man she got into a relationship with . When Sally got to her sister he followed her and got in the car too . On the car ride this man tried to choke her sister and tried to " brand " her , using a lighter and a very wide ring he was wearing . Sally tried to give him belladonna , which is a sedative and people use it to help them sleep . She was trying to just knock out this Jimmy Angelo person but she gave him too much and he ended up getting killed . They resurrected him when they got back to the aunt 's house but he came back wrong and tried to kill her sister a third time , so they had to kill him again . They buried him in the yard on the aunt 's property . But of course , a rotten soul is a rotten soul and he came back to haunt the sisters . Different things would happen , roses would grow right over where he was buried , the tequilla bottle that he was drinking out of the night he died was found sitting on their porch which the aunts used to make " midnight margaritas " one night . Eventually , Jilly became possessed by the spirit of this man and the aunts and Sally had to get the spirit out of her . They successfully exorcised the evil spirit out of Jilly 's body and all was well again . A homicide detective investigated the girls because of the murder of Jimmy Angelo but he ended up being the man that Sally called for when she was a child . He had one green eye and one blue 🙂 They fell in love and the curse was broken , and the sisters never heard the sound of the " Death Beetle " again . Christina Perrone , Summer 2011 Dealing with what we had to deal with growing up and taking our personalities into account , my sister and I are total polar opposites in many ways . She 's more outgoing , I 'm more reserved . She likes to party a lot , I 'd rather be sitting at home with a book . She is very adventurous and I 'm very cautious . But when it comes down to it , each of us are the only person in the world that the other one has that fully understands what it 's like to make it through something like this . When I came home I discussed with my sister all of the chakra clearing meditations I 've been doing because my heart and throat chakras were totally blocked . She told me about this woman who came up to her one day at a blood drive and told my sister that her chakras were blocked and they were making her sick . This woman did some kind of meditation over them ( I 'm guessing she was a Reiki healer but I can 't know for sure ) and my sister told me after this woman did this meditation over her she actually became physically dizzy and had to sit down . She was told by this woman that her heart chakra was blocked . It 's not at all surprising that she would have the same kind of issue that I do . We may be totally different in a lot of ways but in that respect we 're identical . I would say ever since I moved to Michigan back in 2007 , it became hard for me to watch this movie . I have this movie at home but I never brought myself to watch it because whenever I did I would get sad and cry , being so far away from my sister . It would always make me sad if I watched it knowing my sister was far away and not within " reachable " distance . She suggested watching it last night after we celebrated my grandfather 's birthday ( We made a cake for him and everything ) 🙂 I figured as long as she was sitting here with me it would be okay to watch it . There were still some tears , hehe 🙂 But not nearly as bad or as long if I was watching it alone . In this " vision " or " meditation " or whatever you 'd like to call it , I looked down and I was barefoot , standing on a wheat field . I was wearing a brown dress and was wearing a brown plaid apron and had a white Dutch hat on my head . I got the impression it was 1800s Holland . My name was Theresa , I couldn 't get a last name . I ran across the field I was in and walked into this house . There was a man sitting at the table drinking a beer and I got very angry when I laid eyes in this man but I can 't tell you why , I just remember the feeling clearly of anger . He had long black hair and it was braided . I bring you this post today from a whole new place in my heart . Now that the " emotional dust " has started to settle a bit and I 'm starting to feel better I felt like I could write this . The past three days have been awful , to the point where I literally felt like I was having a heart attack . I was having constant chest pains but I knew that it was the emotional side of things that was causing me to experience this , it wasn 't anything of PHYSICAL origin . As a nurse I know the warning signs of something like this and I wasn 't experiencing any of the other things that would cause me to go to the hospital or anything . I felt my heart being torn to shreds a piece at a time and my fiance felt the same . He continues to tell me that me doing this hurt him , but he hurt me first so he understands . I think he understands a little more though that the fact that I hurt him was an unavoidable side effect of me doing this for myself , and if I could 've done this without that result then I would have . My goal in doing this wasn 't to hurt him but do the opposite for the both of us . Like I 've said many times already , I 'm not the kind of person who will hurt a person with the sole intention to hurt them regardless of if they hurt me or not . I feel like half of the reason why I was hurting so badly the first few days aside from resurfacing some things that have been hiding in my psyche for the last 20 years is because of knowing how hurt he was by this . It got so bad in certain moments I literally felt like I couldn 't catch my breath . However when I woke up this morning I felt different in a good way . My breathing was a lot better and eased a ton , and I haven 't had those chest pains at all today . When I spoke to my fiance ( I 'm not really sure what to call him anymore , it 's a habit to call him that ) he asked me if I felt different today when I woke up because he did also . He felt calmer and his breathing was easier and he didn 't have chest pain anymore . I honestly think someone sent the both of us some healWe both came to the decision that he will move out of the apartment and in with a friend and I will stay in the apartment with the dogs . This way I won 't have to go anywhere . Things will be tight financially but that 's a price I 'll just have to pay to accomplish this . It took him to understand this and me explaining it 20 different ways for it to click with him but he finally gets why this is necessary for my healing right now . Regardless of whether or not I 'm trying to consciously push passed my mental blocks , when I 'm in the same vicinity as him I automatically put his needs ahead of my own . He understands now that this kind of behavior is hindering my healing and getting in the way of me reaching wholeness again . This is one of the things among many that I need to retrain my brain about , rewire the things that have been wired into it all this time . This separation is necessary mainly for that reason , so I can find my voice again and become stronger within myself , so maybe someday we can become stronger together . I told him if we 're going to make this work we need to start from the very beginning . Dating again , getting to know ourselves and get to know each other as well . I told him I have no idea who I am deep down and he agrees he doesn 't know who he is either , but even by me being away for the passed few days he 's learned a lot about himself already . I 've noticed too today that EVERYWHERE I went , whether it was to the gas station or the store or anywhere really when I was running around paying bills whoever crossed paths with me would make eye contact with me today and smile . It was really noticeable to me because in the past few weeks it was the opposite , when I would make eye contact with people they would look the other direction . I must 've been emanating a certain kind of energy that they were picking up on that wasn 't the least bit friendly . I didn 't want to speak to anyone or be around anyone or do anything … I wasn 't the least bit interested in connecting with ANYONE in any way and was ready to just shut down completely . I felt like I had had enough and I didn 't see the point in even saying hello to people . If I could 've afforded it I probably wouldn 't have even went to work even though when I 'm at work it helps me being around the kids and having a connection with them … . And when I was in the gas station getting a money order to pay a bill that I can 't use cash to pay , I was short $ 1 . 50 for the fee so I was digging through my purse to dig it out … . the woman behind me got change for a $ 5 . 00 bill and turned around and handed me $ 2 . 00 and said " Here you go baby , don 't worry about it I got you . " Even though it was only $ 1 . 50 that 's not the point . I was touched by her generosity and thanked her and thanked her again because you don 't see that kind of generosity anymore . However if I was emanating that same kind of energy that I was for the past few weeks I doubt she would 've done that . It was more of a feeling when I would wake up before I decided to do this where I was trying to convince myself that I was beginning to heal but I couldn 't fully do it in the same place as him . When I would wake up there would be a certain aspect of myself that was constantly pulling in a different direction , telling me deep deep down that this was what I had to do to grow and heal , regardless of how painful it will be . So , how does our psyche really repair itself , especially when trying to heal the kinds of things I 've went through ? The best way and typically most common way is through dream time , and something throughout my life has happened and normally it was at the most stressful times . I would never sit here and tell you that I 'm " psychic " or a " medium " or any of that . However I feel like there are certain people out there who may not necessarily be able to directly communicate with spirit , but who are way more sensitive to spirit 's presence than others . I 've had many dreams that were more like " prophetic " than my psyche working through certain things . I remember when I was younger and my dreams would come to fruition it would freak me out , not really understanding what it all meant and why I was able to do this . September 11th is a perfect example : In this dream my cousin and I were in the towers . It was just her and I and we were the only ones there , the whole floor we were on was empty . Having been there previously I knew exactly what the inside of the towers looked like , it looked in the dream exactly the way it did in real life . I was standing by the window and a plane flew by the window . I asked my cousin why a plane was flying so close to the buildings and she said " They come here all the time now . " I was looking at her for a moment , then I turned my head and saw a second plane coming towards the window on the floor we were on . Right before the plane made impact I jolted awake … sat straight up and was breathing rapid and my heart was racing , I had this dream 3 different times that week . Then September 11th happened and my mother was so freaked out because she made the connection , and knew that this dream wasn 't just your everyday psyche working things out , this dream was a premonition . Each time I had this dream I would go to her freaked out in the middle of the night not understanding what it meant . She would tell me " Oh it 's fine , don 't worry about it " trying to calm me down . But something in me knew that this meant something bad was going to happen . My mother too , has always been sensitive to this kind of thing and her and I are extremely similar in a lot of ways . We look very similar too . There are certain kinds of dreams that you know without a shadow of a doubt are meaningful and something entirely different than your normal everyday dreaming . If you dream about walking into school and you look down and you 're totally naked , okay that 's your psyche working out some things . If you experience the above kind of dream I 'm discussing it 's a whole different situation . Like I said , throughout my life dream time has been a way for me to work through things , like all of us . When you 're asleep this is when your soul wakes up , and directs and guides you through certain things and situations in your waking life that you need help with . You need to listen to the guidance that your higher self sends you when sleeping , this is the " divine guidance " that we all receive and are capable of . Every single person in the world has the capacity to foresee certain things and scenarios and be susceptible to experience the kinds of dreams I discussed above . It all depends on how blocked and open you are spiritually . The day after my grandfather died I moved my things into the room that he passed in and that became my bedroom . At the point of his passing he was already on hospice and had a hospital bed in that room where he stayed . It started out as lung cancer and metastasized and by the time that he passed his whole body was riddled with it . He was a heavy smoker and there actually was a cigarette burning in his ashtray as he was dying that night . I remember it clearly , my mom and sister and I were in the living room and I was SO excited because Pocahontas had just come out on VHS , so we went to Blockbuster that night and got it . We were in the middle of the movie and we heard a LOUD " THUD " directly above us , which was my grandfather 's room . We ran up the stairs and my mom opened the door and made my sister and I stay on the stairway . I was watching what was happening through the rails on the stairs . The last thing I saw was my grandfather laying on the floor hemorrhaging . He had blood coming out of his mouth , everywhere . My mom made Chrissy and I go down to the basement , and about an hour later she came down and told us he was gone . He passed in my mother 's arms and after that she was seriously teetering on the edge for a long time , so I felt like I had to be strong for her , and then all of the trauma that I 'm starting to heal from now started to happen so to say that all hell broke over my entire life in every way isn 't even enough to get people to understand what it felt like . I felt the need to be close to my grandfather again and that 's why I moved my things into his old room , a part of me knew that from the moment he ascended our connection never left . Even though I always felt him around me everything that happened after his passing took my focus away from all of that for a long long time . It took me 3 years to even be able to think about him after he died to not burst into tears . But he sends me signs all the time . Just today even , I was on the phone with my sister discussing my situation with my relationship and she was in her car parked and she got all excited all the sudden because a cardinal landed on the hood of her car as we were talking . She said " Oh my God a cardinal just landed on my car , grandpa 's worried about you . " Sometimes I 'll walk into a store and " A Marshmallow World " will be playing , that was his FAVORITE Christmas song of all time and every year we had to have that song on repeat … and he 'd sit there and crinkle his nose and giggle and laugh as Chrissy and I would sing along with the song and dance around and put up the decorations , with him watching from the rocking chair sipping his tea . 🙂 He was thrilled when he knew that my mom and Chrissy and I were for sure moving into the house with him and my grandmother and he IMMEDIATELY began working on that room , the room he ultimately ended up passing in and the room that I lived in later . So , fast forward to when I was 16 . My grandmother couldn 't afford to pay the mortgage anymore on the house and so she decided to sell it . This was extremely difficult for me , mainly because I felt like if I left that house I would somehow " leave my grandfather behind " , even though I know it doesn 't matter WHERE you are , your loved ones stay with you wherever you go but I didn 't want to leave that house for that reason . I felt like if I was physically distanced from it , then I would somehow be spiritually distanced from him . I was also emotionally hurt at the time because my Uncle was hit by a car so hard that he got thrown up in the air from the impact and landed directly on his head . He was pronounced dead at the scene and they revived him , he lived but remained in a coma for another 6 weeks . My Uncle Joey , the one who I 'm talking about is the reason why everyone in the family knows how to dance , he taught my mother and my sister and I and my mother will tell you he 's the reason why she became a dance teacher and choreographer . Every summer he would perform with a local performer , Rick Mango and dance to " Just A Gigolo " … Growing up in a beach town there would be concerts on the boardwalk every summer , where everyone in town would go out with their beach chairs and towels and sit in the sand while the concert was going on . It would never fail , my mother and I would ALWAYS dance , whether the dance floor was sand or not LOL . It wasn 't uncommon at all for people to sit and watch us because we wouldn 't just dance and bop along , we would swing dance and Lindy and do the Charleston , and maybe if I had enough energy I 'd even break out and start doing the Shim Sham LOL … . The Shim Sham is a part of the tap genre of dance but I always loved it , so I would do it sometimes randomly whether it fit in with the song that was playing or not , hehe 🙂 The point is , we wouldn 't just dance along to the music , we were doing actual swing dance with dips and spins and turns and sometimes it looked like weDanielle Perrone , Age 16 In this dream I walked into our garage at our house , which was totally separate from the house itself . In waking life the garage just had one level but in the dream it had two , an upstairs and a downstairs . I walked into the garage and it almost looked like a barn , the upstairs was open kind of and you could look down and see directly to the downstairs level . I walked into the garage , and there was a man and woman sitting in chairs on the upstairs level looking down at me when I walked in . The moment I made eye contact with this woman my heart started to race and I felt like the man needed my help . There was a very aggressive type of energy that the woman in this dream shot at me , it almost felt like I was being spiritually attacked just by being in her presence . The man couldn 't speak , we were telepathically talking and he was telling me she won 't let him talk and he needs my help . I opened my mouth to tell her to let him go , and again like in all of my other dreams , the words wouldn 't come out . I stood there and this woman and I stared at each other for what felt like hours but was probably for several seconds and I woke up in a panic . Like I said , I had this dream repeatedly the week that we were selling our house . What 's funny is the man who bought it from us asked my mother a few months later if anybody had passed away in that house . He had no idea mind you , about my grandfather and everything that went on there . She asked him why and he said that in his daughter 's room , which was my old room and the room my grandfather passed in , things were happening . The window would creak , there was a patio attached to the room that my grandmother and I shared and he said that the patio door would swing open , they would hear people walking up and down the stairs at night … . I have a feeling that was my grandfather and he wasn 't thrilled that these new people were in this house now , they gutted the whole house and redid it and changed everything . And not only that but he was pissed about what happened to our lHouse in New York that I grew up in , Window on the Right upper level was my grandfather 's room and became my room later … Now let 's fast forward about 8 years to a milestone in my relationship back then . I was about 24 - 25 years old at the time . Luke and I decided that we wanted to start a family at one point and we stopped preventing pregnancy completely . We weren 't really trying but we weren 't preventing it either . We were kind of going about it like " When it 's meant to happen it 'll happen " . It never did . But again , like I said dream time is a time when your soul wakes up . This is yet again another repeat offender dream : In this dream I was in this HUUUUUGE house , I mean you could probably more easily call it a mansion than a house . I was working in this house although I couldn 't tell you what my job was exactly . I just had the feeling in this dream that this wasn 't my home . So , I was walking around the house exploring it because like I said , it was gigantic . I was told to NEVER go in a certain area of the house , that it was totally off limits . But I guess my soul is as adventurous as I always knew it was and said " Screw that I want to see what 's over there " … . so I go into this area of the house , and I instantly feel fear set in . I felt eyes on me even though I couldn 't quite tell you at that point where they were coming from . Then finally , I turned the corner and there was this pitch black hallway . I started to walk down this hallway and this little boy crossed paths with me , he couldn 't have been older than 9 or 10 . And I got the same feeling as I did when I locked eyes with the woman in the dream I told you about above . I felt incredibly spiritually vulnerable in the presence of this boy , and I felt like he had the intention of harming me spiritually in some way . And , like ALL the other dreams , of course I tried to break myself of this voice paralysis but I couldn 't . I kept eye contact with this boy for probably about the same amount of time as the woman in the other dream and then I woke up . But again , having the same feeling as the other one . I had that sinking feeling in my gut when I woke up like you have when you 're getting attacked or something , like a panic sort of feeling . I had this dream about 4 different times in the same week and then they stopped . I found out much later , this year actually that the reason why I never got pregnant was a psychological thing because of my trauma . I 've always had serious female issues and so much pain around my cycle , when I was younger it was a lot worse . The pain was so intense back then I would literally vomit . I still need to have a heating pad on my stomach for the first couple of days now but it 's nothing compared to what it was . This passed January when I got health insurance I made the decision to go and get everything checked out because it concerned me that Luke and I were never able to conceive . I had ultra sounds done , internal and external and everything came back fine . I was SO confused about that because I knew the intense pain I experience every month must mean that there 's a problem somewhere but nothing was found in any of the testing that I did . I did research of other things that could cause that other than physical things like endometriosis or even ovarian cysts or something , and that was the first thing that came up . And when you 're a victim of the kind of trauma that I had this is a classic typical psychological effect of it . After 2 years of not preventing pregnancy I told Luke that we needed to start to prevent it again . I knew I couldn 't get pregnant right now anyway with me trying to go to school and get done with everything and further my career and better myself . So we started to prevent it again … So , now we 're back to the recent days . As I 've been thinking about it I feel like the dreams I had that I KNOW was Set from Ancient Egypt have more layers than just that to it . Let me explain that … Even though Set 's intention in these dreams was to spiritually harm me , it actually helped me and gave me some serious insight into all of this . In this dream I had those wounds on my belly and the pain in that infected wound , and Luke and I were sitting there talking and he suddenly became possessed and I was physically weakened in this dream . Well , the night that I told Luke I needed a break was the first day of my cycle and I was in intense pain in my belly … and in the dream he handed me my car keys and said " Take yourself to the hospital " … . what did I do that night ? I MOVED OUT OF THE APARTMENT … . so I could " take myself " and " Take care of things " and be on my own … this is why I 'm saying , that dream was more than just an evil spirit trying to mess with me , this was a premonition in a way as well . The evil element that Set threw into it and the energy sucking that I felt in it was just his own sick twisted little addition to it , but there are certain elements about that dream that completely came to fruition that night when I finally told Luke I needed a break . I just realized this today . And the second dream I had that day too makes total sense as well , with the girl that was bound and tied up and I couldn 't get to her … . I thought at first that that represented one of my good friends but thinking about it later I think she represented me , and the attacks I continue to receive . The timing of the dream is the most telling because I had those dreams the day I started my inner child meditation … . And the fact that in the dream the whole reason WHY I went into that building was because people were saying that Michael hurts children and I went in there to protect him and stop them from spreading that untrue garbage around . It 's funny too , because as you spiritually start to truly open yourself up others around you will start to open up as well . A few weeks ago I wanted to do a certain meditation / channeling exercise with one of my friends , the one that I 'm staying with now . She was worried that by us doing a channeling that she would let demons into her house so we never did it . I was upset because I knew I wanted to do this but I didn 't want to do it alone … . we were sitting out on her porch and she kept asking me if I was mad at her . She said " I don 't feel the need to talk to ghosts . I know you talk to Michael and your grandfather and that 's fine but I don 't want to speak to them until I 'm over there with them . " She was referring to times when I 'm hurt or upset or angry or ANYTHING like that , I 'll sometimes talk out loud to Michael or my grandfather about these things . Granted , we don 't have a direct communication where like , I can hear him or see him or anything like that because like I said , I 'm certainly not a psychic or a medium . But there 's a definite indirect communication that I get from both of them a lot and it happens a lot more when I discuss these things out loud talking to them , whether it be Michael or my grandfather . So , after my friend said that I dropped it and left it at that , because I didn 't feel the need to pressure her into this . I just thought to myself , when she 's ready to tap into all of this then she 'll be ready if she feels the need . Well , about a week later she called me all freaked out because of a dream she had . She lost her grandmother 4 years ago and she still hasn 't fully healed from her death . In this dream my friend and I were in her apartment and she looked outside and it was snowing . My friend kept telling everyone that it was snowing outside but nobody believed her except for me . So she started to pick up this snow and it morphed into a blanket , and she wrapped it around her and was walking around with this blanket that she wrapped herself in . She said in the dream I was the only person who saw what she saw . She said she saw her grandmother in this dream and not only that but sensed her in it as well . The next day she called me , crying and telling me about it . I told her I would come over and calm her down so I came over to her apartment . She was shook up by this , because she knew , there was no doubt in her mind that it was her grandmother . I told her it was kind of funny though , that she literally said the words " I don 't want to talk to ghosts " and her grandmother said " Oh well , here I am ! ! " hehe 🙂 I also think it 's kind of telling that I was the only one in her dream that believed her and knew what she knew and could see what she saw , that it was her grandmother in the dream . Even though ALL of my dreams that I discussed above have a certain " binding " element to them and a certain factor of being " trapped " … that 's the way my soul has felt all this time because of my past experiences . It all is starting to make sense to me now since being away and on my own and really being able to hone in on all of these little details . All of those dreams was my soul telling me that I was still bound by my past experiences , and that I need to break ties and break free by using my VOICE , something that I never seem to accomplish in these dreams . The only time I did was the first dream with Set and the ONLY reason why I could even speak was because I was saying Michael 's name out loud , trying to break Luke of whatever power had a hold of him … But regardless , me being on my own is already strengthening my inner voice , I could tell you that honestly … |
Away from everything she knew . She saw an amazing landscape which was colored mainly by yellowish and brownish tones . He saw kids running and playing with ropes and seeds . She got into the ' 72 Jeep and they drove across the country side for about two hours . The warm humid air filled her lungs and she exhaled the air of surprise . She had imagined something like that , but the real feeling was way better . It was scarier , her body was filled with adrenaline and her eyes popped out as her mind wondered through the savannah . Everything had just begun again . And her mind kept wondering , the lion hidden in her soul was finally free from the body that imprisoned it for so long , the lion was ready to haunt , ready to run when the sun came out of the ground , across the trees and into the windy sky . [ Mrs . K i t e ] " Wait for the dawn , because we 're not coming back before . Only if you look for us with the right heart you 'll get an accurate glance , foes don 't waste your time , because you won 't get your catch " was written in an old parchment , nailed to the wood door . George kept repeating the same words over and over , without any result . It hadn 't worked when he yelled them , it hadn 't worked when he sang them with the first sunshines of the day , and it surely hadn 't work when he danced around the door while chanting it . He and Kaylin had ran out of ideas . " You know ? It is becoming less interesting every time we try " said Kaylin " How come you say that ? This is like the only interesting thing we have done in the whole summer " he said , while remembering milking cows with uncle Jerry " But , its not even filled with weird words in Latin and stuff , I 'm starting to believe this is just a loose of time " said Kaylin , while staring at the mysterious carved door . It was indeed a really beautiful carving , it showed numerous small parts , that together formed a tree , but separated they were little pieces of a story - puzzle . The whole cottage was still really beautiful , just like a hundred years ago , but now it looked worn out by time . Giving it a mystical look . " You can 't back down now ! You saw what happen in there when we went in by the window " said George " Yes , about that , I 'm not sure it wasn 't just you playing funny " she answered , unsure , as she always was . " Well , then i 'm some pretty good magician , because that cat turning into coins was a little too elevate for my mirror tricks " he said , and it was quite true , George was very interested in the illusionists , but his skills went until being able to pull coins out of someone 's ear , not to actually make a black cat attack two teenagers , to then become a pair of coins of the 19th century . " Is that , George , you have to admit it , what happened in there was quite really unbelievable , and i don 't mean unbelievable like the Beatles unbelievable , i mean literally . All the weird stuff in there , and those olSome Bad Dreaming He ran across the hall , searching for her . Not now , not again . She had left . Now he turned his head one way and the other with the hope of seeing in one of those eternal bookshelves , her night dress . All he saw where dark alleys inside the library . He heard nothing except the noise of his chaussures against the carpet . He was wet , it was raining outside , he thought he saw other wet footprints but it was too dark . So he called her name . His voice was trembling , as if he was about to cry , but he didn 't , he never did . And he had no answer . She 's gone forever now . She 's gone . He said to himself over and over again . He woke up , opened his eyes and looked at his bedroom 's ceiling , he extended his arm to the other side of the bed to feel her , to be sure she was still there , that all had been a bad dream . But he felt nothing . He turned to his right and saw unfolded sheets . She was really gone , the bad dream had just begun . [ Mrs K i t e ] " Have you seen Beryl Jarred lately ? She grew some cups during summer " said Pacey Jed as he and his buddies entered to the library " Yea . . . i sit behind her in Chemistry , and hell , she is hot " said Zach , while putting the books in the nearest table " But I heard she 's now dating this Morrison guy , he 's a senior . " said Zach to the rest , who somehow seemed a little disappointed by the fact , even if they knew Beryl Jarred would never even look at them . Then for a couple of minutes there was a silence , as if someone they once knew had died , just a little silence for respect , then they opened their books and started doing some homework , the acting was quickly dropped as Ritchie started again . " So , what about Tina Landon ? " he asked , in that dirty - guilty voice they did whenever those questions poped in . " Hands down a seven , she alright , but her back is too broad and her hair is always greasy " said Zach , as the others nodded , except for Pacey , who then said " I believe a seven is too much , she is so clumsy , not in the Katie - Wallace - cute - clumsy , but she is really stupid , plus ever since last semester she has been having all this zits , grouse . I believe a 5 is more accurate " the others agreed . After a little while of some sevens , tons of fives and three tens , the guys started talking about the teachers , it was really very predictable , it 's not like high school kids have something to really talk about , just people in general . " Mrs . Ranulph is such a big fat bitch , the other day she gave me an F in some essay just because it was just like the one of Thomas Tyrse " he complained " I mean , it 's so unfair , I even bothered putting my name on it and changing the conclusion , which she said had nothing to do with world war two , man I though it was about the hidden places in old buildings . " he ended , with looks of horror of his nerd friends . " Tom . . . was it about a book ? " asked Zach " Duh ! you think I was going to read it ? " answered Tom " Was it by any chance named . . . uh forget it , but anyways , how about Mrs . Woodrow ? " continued Zach " Smoking hot ! I mean , Again with the mumbling " Well , how are you supposed to tell someone he 's wrong when you know he isn 't but still you need to ? " " Erm , you just say it … " said David " No , it 's not that simple … definitely not THAT simple … " mumbled Mark " Well it can be , first of all , I think you should have some really big - nice reasons to do so . " " Like what ? " " I DON ' T KNOW ! , It 's your thing remember … ? ! ? ! " he shouted in a desperate tone , which wasn 't very usual in David . " Well … " " I can 't really do something unless you tell me what are talking about , or tell me about the situation . " " I know that , but the thing is , I can 't tell you . " Mark sat on the living room chair and covered his face with his hands . " I don 't really know what to do … " " I know now … It 's about Rebecca right ? " " No , for Christ sake … That was over , about , what ? 1 year ago ? " " Seven months , I can 't believe you don 't know that , and I do " " Sorry but , again ? Who 's the weird one here ? " he showed his sarcastic face . " Mark , even if you forgot , Rebecca was very important for you … " " Long ago , and unlike you , I have the ability to move on . " " Thank you VERY MUCH Mark … " he said as he stood up , almost threw the chair and left the room . " You 're VERY welcome David … " She ran into the room , the door burst open , I was terrified , the sword was broken , the elixir was gone , Sarah was lying possibly death in the Stone of the Moon , she was in front of me , I knew Kreya would kill me , she gave me that glare that told me I would see the Sun light never more . I was desperate , I knew no one would ever be able to stop her , I knew that I had failed and lost the only chance to end with her . Maybe someone , somewhere had the new purpose of ending her , but this was it for me . The clouds were dancing today more than other days , the trees were excited about something that had once happened but they couldn 't remember any more , I knew there was a war upon us , I knew that the first to go would be the order of the Silver Wolf , but was it so wrong to try to enjoy my possible last weeks hidden in these forests ? Sarah and James were there , we all knew we were going to fight a battle we didn 't believed in . And that probably we would never have that life , the kind of life they teach you all your life to live in , the kind of life you hate to love but then traps you , the kind that makes you go to some monotonous activity everyday just to earn some gold , buy a pork and feed the infants . The kind of life we feared so much , but at the moment seemed the best option . Sarah cried a little , she confessed that despite of her deep dislike towards children , she had always wanted kids of her own " Just to teach the girls to throw th javelin you know ? " she said , as she sobbed silently , the silent woods seemed to absorb every sound , all we could hear was the wind , but not the kind of wind that makes you gay , more like the one that brings news , news of death . The war started , we were afraid , we had just reached the age of military obligation , I was afraid , and so was James , he had always feared he would die just like his father , in a meaningless war made by some whiny kings in their fur - high sits . The whole city hd taken a sort of look in their eyes , as if they knew what was going to happen , as if they knew that peace was jWestington 's Wind [ part 1 ] " and then , all of a sudden , he wasn 't there . " " All of a sudden … Curious expression officer " said the inspector as he clicked the pen , once more . " Yes , I know it sounds crazy , but , that 's what happen , that 's what we saw , and no one could figure out how he had done this , so we called you . " " OK , tell me the story , one more time . " Conversation Held on Wally 's Café Sunday September 21 at 8 : 00am Mr . Callaghan was a discreet man , and he was a mystery for everyone , not because of his loneliness and quietness , but because of his apparently normal life . He had a studied routine which he followed step by step , ever since anyone had ever met him . As a matter of fact , no one in the town remembered when had he arrived , most of the people said that was because he had always been there , but no one really knew how long had he been around them . Everyday he left his house at 6 : 00 , he took the newspaper that was delivered at his door , and he headed to the local café . He spoke to none as he drank the espresso that was almost waiting for him in the table 29 . After this , he left $ 2 . 30 dollars on the table . The coffee was $ 2 . 00 and he left the tip for the nice waitress who kept his table for him . After this , he walked towards his house again , and spent the time there , doing god knows what , until 11 : 15 when he got out for lunch with Mrs . Marty who had a small restaurant . And as he finished he went back home . He didn 't go out for dinner for which people assumed he cooked home . He was thin as a stick , and with sad eyes . And even though he was always like this , the people in the town where indifferent to this behaviors and talked about him as if he was one more person from the town . The only thing they 've dared to criticize once about him was his lack of faith , since he never attended church . And this was a quick comment which was never mentioned before . This town , lived in peace . But one day , this tranquility would fade away . [ Mrs K i t e ] And this time we decided not to . Not to let it out , not a single word , apparently empty stares , which where actually filled with thousands of messages . And that was it . I was always riding the mysterious cloud from up there , where I thought about life , and I woke up sometimes , but then I was able to keep on dreaming . Should I jump ? , I asked to myself several times , and I couldn 't find an answer . Parachutes You jump and then you praySean Lennon - Parachutes [ Mrs K i t e ] The glimpse of an eye I didn 't know how to start , everything had turned strange , maybe there was nothing different after all , but still , I couldn 't figure out what to do , so I did the only thing I know how to do in that sort of occasions , not that I 've been in something like that before , but I was some kind of natural response to that uncertainty . I took a pencil , and I drew some swirls and filled the page , in the other side of the page I started writing , I don 't know what I wrote , perhaps I 'll never remember , but I wrote a lot . I filled that page , and the next one , and the next one . I knew I was done when the pencil fell by itself from my hand and it 's graphite point broke leaving a spot in the paper . I took a breath , I didn 't even read it . Perhaps I spent some minutes looking at the drawing before I stared ripping every single page from the notebook . Then , I left my room , went for a match and burned the whole thing , I saw how the paper turned black and my words flew in the wind in form of ashes , and they left , they left me . I went back , words didn 't . I went back , and I finally rested , from those words , which no longer inhabited my mind , which now flew free , and as they where free , so was I . [ Mrs K i t e ] Once upon a time , in a far away land , there was a little village next to the mountains , in there people used to live peacefully , but dark times came and they where soon threatened by all kinds of evil creatures and bad spirits . . . " Dad aren 't we too old for this stories ? I mean , lets move on from the little village being saved by . . . " The girl was interrupted " Shut up Gix , you always cut all the fun ! " said a little young boy " Go on dad , what happen to the village ? " Well . . . we do could change the story . . . but I 'd rather go on with this one , i even thought about the story during the day . So as I was saying . . . This little village was threatened all the time by all sorts of unspeakable foes , and everyone was afraid to even go to the neighbor for some cup of sugar , but no man was brave enough or skilled enough to be able to defeat these beasts . All hope was soon lost , but then something rare happened a weird traveler came into the town , a traveler like never seen before in those lands . There was no welcoming parties over this circumstances , if even a welcome to the traveler , everyone seemed too scared to notice her . But then one day , this foreign went into the center of the village and started yelling at all the inhabitants , things no one could here because of the barricades , but as they heard the yelling , one by one , they started looking out . And actually heard the stranger " People of this town , Fear no more ! Because I have come to free you from this imprisoned nightmare you now call life ! " said the speakerAnd for the first time , the people of this village burst in laughter , men and women all laughing at the mere idea , watching her , just standing up there , with that big smile of hers , waiting for the noise to go away . Soon the laughs and giggles were over , the stranger remained in the village 's center , then a voice dared to get out of a house , being heard " How do you expect to save us ? " was heard in a little orange house . " Yes how ? " was heard from another house , then all sorts of voices starting asking questions , confused , but She did . . believed it " And yet , there was this time where everyone believed he was my brother " he said in a serious voice he used when he was being sarcastic . " No there wasn 't " Mark answered " OK , not everyone , but , do you remember the old lady in the supermarket , that told him to help his brother , ergo me , ergo she thought he was my brother , ergo … " " Stop saying ergo . . " " OK " " First , she was old … and second , I 've always thought she was trying to hit on him . " " Stop it , she was not . " he answered this time really serious . " C ' mon David ! He 's like … what , 50 ? " He 's 49 . " " Right ! and you 're … like … oh yes ! 23 ! " " I know , but still we could 've been brothers . . " " Yeah ! Or he could 've been your dad , which by the way is 52 " " That 's not the point Mark . " " Then ? " " The point is , SHE believed it . " " Who ? " " Don 't who ? me , Mark . " " Ahhh that who … " " Yes , THAT who … " " Well , then again , why are we discussing this David ? " " Never mind " he said as we walked to the car . [ Mrs K i t e ] It 's a look in someone 's face , it 's the look that tells you that something is wrong , that perhaps , your life has changed forever , there 's nothing you can do about it by then , and you 'll never trust this look , you always , ALWAYS know what it means , but at the same time you never know until they speak . You know exactly what will come out of their lips , you can almost say it at the same time , and that 's it , when you wish you where dreaming , when you know nothing will ever be the same . It comes from a doctor when they 're about to tell you " I 'm sorry " , just like in movies , or when you get a call , there 's no look there , but you know what are they calling for , you feel it . Everything would be so much easier if we didn 't have that . Because when you do , then , for a moment you know , what you don 't want to know , and since you don 't have time to tell anyone you 're by yourself , it might be for few seconds , but at that moment , you 're alone , you and your soul sharing the pain , there 's nothing worse . Painful and lonely . [ Mrs K i t e ] The lighthouse looks specially ancient today , grandma says it 's a thousand years old , but she also says lizard bites can get you married . The beach looks specially nostalgic today , the water looks gray , the sky couldn 't be more cloudy . It has rained daily since Charlie arrived , what a luck , a few days earlier and he would 've caught a sight of the sun over the daisy fields . I don 't think he is going to stay for long , the big city has really got into him , i hope he doesn 't end up losing himself , as many have done before . Even if it is still raining , I felt like today was a good day to come to the beach , the ties are violent , the sand is muddy , there are some crabs , but yet I wanted to come today . It just seemed right . I 've come here every two weeks ever since i first entered the light house , I had never went back in , but I just wanted to see it , to be sure it was still there . I was quiet certain that the lighthouse wasn 't a thousand years old , but I wasn 't sure either if it wasn 't as old as the ocean itself , the structure was complete , it was really mossy , but the entrance door was intact . At the outside it just looked like a rock - made pretty old lighthouse , but in the inside it was considerably different , never in my life had I seen it work , but to be fair never in my life had I seen a ship land in our pier . The watery wind hit my face , I tasted my lips , it was a rare combination of salty mud with solitude of abandoned island . And for some reason , I look at the lighthouse , as if it was talking me into going back there again , dinner was until seven , so I went . I walked with my bare feet trough the muddy sand , climbed the sharp rocks and made my way to the door . I knew it would open again , but something in me still believed that last time , it had been just a dream . So i barely pushed the door , and it opened , squeezing every inch , and a big room revealed itself . It was just like I remembered it , with big bookshelves filled with rare books written in some language I knew I would never understand , some others were in blankAnger XX " Why are you laughing ? " she asked , " Uh , nothing , some joke someone told " " Where are you ? " she said with an angry voice , " Are you drunk ? " " No , darling , I 'll be home in a while , bye . " He said as he hung up the phone . She kept thinking , that was at 10 : 00pm and as a usual worried woman , by 11 : 00 she had thought about all the horrible things that could 've happened , all the reasons why he wasn 't home , and for a while she felt really sad , then , disappointed , and finally she decided to go to sleep , she was waiting no more , now she had reached the part where she didn 't care anymore , " he can go out , and do whatever the fuck he wants " she said to herself as she covered herself with the blanket . Some hours passed , and she looked at the clock , and it was 1 : 00 am , the truth was , she did cared , so she took the phone by the side of the bed , and called him , but none picked up , she called other 7 times , and still , she got no answer , " 1 : 00 is still early " she thought , and she went to sleep again , angry again , and this time she didn 't woke up until 9 : 00am . He wasn 't there . " Where is he ? " she kept asking herself , and she called 5 more times , before she took the car and drove around the place , and still she couldn 't find him . Now she felt worried , worried something had happened to him , she couldn 't reach him , since 1 : 00 am , and now , eight hours later , it might be to late . What if we was kidnapped , they didn 't have lots of money , but he had a nice car , maybe that was it . Or what if we was beaten up , what if he was dead ? So , she cried , in the car , at 9 : 00 am , as everyone looked at her , she decide to go back home , to call the police , anything that would cure her guilt and find hes husband . She parked the car , and she rushed into the house , but as she entered , she saw muddy footprints all over the kitchen , across the living room and into the room . She was surprised , so she went into the room and saw a big man , all stinky and laying almost dead in the bed . It was him , she ran and hugged himThe Marroons A long time ago , so long I can 't remember , in a place I couldn 't go back to , there was a Sgt . Saint bird street , which was odd , because it was filled with giant red oaks , all dancing with the winds of march , and there , hidden between great manors , there was a little blue house . I remember I used to go to that house , there they lived the Marroons , an odd family , they lived on their purple berries , the only ones in the whole island , their house was supposed to be in some sort of fertile place , and nowhere else could those trees grow , or at least that 's what they said . Every spring we would arrive to Cannary shore , but for the bad time , we ended up in a island we hadn 't seen before , we thought it might be a good idea to look around , maybe deal with the villagers , but as soon as we arrived the dock , we noticed there was something unusual about this people , something we had never seen before . It was not so much their looks , they were normal , just like you and me , white tall men and women , it was more like in the way the . . . i don 't know . The point is , that as soon as we arrived the first shop to ask for directions , people started looking at us , as if the fact of arriving in the only other ship there was not something interesting , as if the fact of we actually approaching them was the notorious action . My men and I were already suspicious , in all my years of sailor I hadn 't encountered such people . They all stared at us , like expecting something ghostly would happen next , as if they thought we would vanish any second . But that didn 't stop us , we went on to a fisherman , i presume , but as we asked him , he just kept removing the scales from some rare red fish . Things started looking really odd , but to make it all worse , one of my men yelled " Capt ' n look ! Derz a blue man ! " , then all the bunch of sissies panicked and were about to run to the ship , when the blue man looked at us , he was 60 feet away , but yet , we could perfectly see his blue face , blue hands , blue legs , and later on we noticed indeed everything was blue . But as heSomeday , someone will And there was this silent moment in my head , and I held my breath , everything was not ok and as I realized it was the moment for me to do something I did the first thing that came into my head , why I did it ? I don 't know yet , I just know I sat on the ground , and I dug about 11 inches in the muddy earth with my hands . And I placed it there , by it self , then I covered it all again , and when I was done , I took the rock I was holding the whole time in my hand I threw it into the lake , I herd it hit the water , and I realized I loved the sound , so I took another rock and threw it again . Then it was time for me to leave , I stood up , and stepped on the now filled hole , as if to assure it was really hidden , and then I walked away from that place . They 'll find it someday , someone will , but now was not the time to worry about it . I hope . For all of our sakes . [ Mrs K i t e ] silent sigh The girl in the yellow dress It 's saturday , I 'm tired , the soil in my feet feels good . The air is fresher now , that was one awful winter , I don 't feel like working , the Sun bothers me , close the windows , shut that annoying bird ! " Henry ! " I hear , I wished she hadn 't called me , now I have to pretend I didn 't heard , I don 't like to lie . " Henry ! I know you are awake , come down and get prepared " she said , but I don 't want to go , wherever that " down " is , I just want to lay here , listen to the running water . " Daddy ! " says now her , I hate when she calls me and I don 't answer , I hate when she needs em and I can 't be there . I would rather stay just here , here forever . It 's just that it has been so long since I had a descent break , I just wish I could stay here , even with birds and sticky thing on my legs . But I know I have to go , the girl in the yellow dress can 't be kept waiting , i love that little brat . So I raise with a swing , I still don 't want to open my eyes , I know the room will change once I do . " Henry ! You promised to take Gina to the zoo " she said again , now she is angry , I know it , so I hurry , I finally open my eyes , there is no running river anymore , the birds scattered , and the tree just flew with the wind , there just rests the bed and some ordinary furniture , covered by green ashes . The zoo is always interesting , with all those little monkeys walking , screaming and running around , they are hilarious to observe , always doing the stupidest things , obviously the animals are also interesting , but not as much . I dress , my wardrobe is old now , I should check the trendy simplicities of these days , one can let go so easily of those irrelevant details . I see the man in the mirror , he is getting old , he is watching his life happen in front of his eyes . I feel bad for him , but , there is nothing I can do for him . I walk to the stairs , I remember the little girl 's first steps , I was worried for the floor to move and make her fall , but it all happened beautifully . " I 'm coming " I say , although it is quiet obvious with all the squeaking of the wood stairs " DaddyThe Crocodile As he walked across those cages he felt a sudden look , and he turned one side , and the other , and he saw nothing . He kept walking and he asked himself about the weather , not that it really mattered . And so he kept going , he remembered being there , long ago , when there was still grass at the entrance , and the cages where full of animals . But now , as the zoo was abandoned by the owners and forgotten by the people , he found himself there , alone , walking through the aisles which once where his playground , and he remembered , vaguely , those days . Then , he felt a cold wind , and he stopped . What was he doing there ? He felt a little lost as he turned around and he saw the crocodile , it was big , very big , just as he remembered , " Stay away from that cage son . " He could listen . From far away , a voice kept telling him that , a voice which he had forgotten , but still it sounded very familiar , a voice that ached now . Deep in his bones , that voice caused an enormous pain . So , he sat by the side of the crocodile 's cage . He watched him for a minute , or two , or maybe it was for hours . The crocodile looked back at him and they exchanged sights , and he was waiting for something to happen . Then he felt a raindrop in his feet , and he realized he was barefoot , and he felt it again and again . It stared raining and he didn 't move . Suddenly someone was running towards him and with a worried and broken voice shouted , " Todd ! Todd ! " She reached him , and hugged him , " Where have you been ? , Why would you do this ? , have you any idea how scared I was ? " Todd looked at her , and she was crying . But she kept talking " They just ca - called me … a - a - an they told me you where gone , we 've been looking for you for … over 7 hours , " Todd kept that indifferent smile he always had , " Come here , you dummy , lets dry you and take you home . " She helped him up , and they walked away , and as Todd turned to the cage , a red marvel fell from the crocodile 's eye . And he kept walking . They both left the abandoned place , which hadn 't had any aniMasks " All of what we see and show are masks . . . Unless of course you are able to see beyond " By this , I start saying that what we see of a person , is not really the whole thing , this being is just showing us a phase , a face , a mask . And it is not that we need to lie to others about ourselves most of the time , not either is it that we need to hide from everyone . But it happens . And this is because we have such a huge universe inside of us , that we are just not able to show it all to everyone , so we instead of showing our whole selves , which would be overwhelming , we show masks , some are our truly face , showing a real part of us . Some others find their own masks unsatisfying and they built ones that really don 't fit them . Some we use just for protection , some we use to like others , but for a not so little group of people , they are use to create confusion , deceive or just cold blooded bullshit . And this is why we are so fearful and paranoid about others , because we are afraid their masks might hide something horrible or hurting . We use masks not just to hide our worlds , but to hide ideas , thoughts , feelings ; sometimes we need to wear these masks for safety , but with so many layers , how do we know we haven 't lost ourselves ? But then there is other group , which is truly small of this kind of people that are able to see through fake masks , able to pierce that thick cover for protection or deception , and those are the cursed ones , because they are able to see beyond , beyond the barrier intended to protect us form ourselves , cursed to a life without friendly little lies , a life without the peace of a " everything is going to be alright " . Forever , cursed with a life of truth . By I 'm the penguin I did this some time ago , as an exercise to listen to my mind , this was while I watched a medical TV show , and I wrote the worlds noticed the most , the result it 's interesting … I might not make any sense at all , although it makes absolute sense . Interviews huh write big explanation say antidepressant structure potassium microvascular confirm syndrome sound be testing question what is it Herat fever say know hate witnesses alcohol wrong second noticed fine enzymes be drink pretend treatment sick do it live kids neither come in tomorrow page didn 't from us fair kidnapper telenovela terrorists bring it on fever down heart right explanation sorry mouth hours screaming morning from apes heard yes wrong life OK argue no right why answer interested medicine team follow withdrawal logic believe confidence die stubborn ass sociopath secrets pancreas MRI who knows boldness string sound scream thought mess give humor real reason three man principle connected work lost fall in love hiring eventually got hurt owner excuse mouth bleeding place patient done know cause for hips pattern explanations proven true symptom kill team size going observe windows money large liar baby indicates doesn 't after notice means morning here treatment legally find out tell insane surgery news treatable blood lied taking know stupid patient room sick receptors . [ Mrs K i t e ] once again I can feel it on the air , it is that scent of dead animal and acid in the wind that tells you . It is the self preparing of one self to catastrophe even when the day is sunny , it comes from your very core , you just know it is there , you just know it will show up , knock at your door and turn your world upside down . I felt it today , just after picking up the mail as I got home , as i walked to the door I knew it , something dark was coming , something uncomfortable for every particle of my being was planing to stay for a while , I knew shadows were all upon me . If only i could have done something about it , but I know I couldn 't , as it has always happened with these things , I could do nothing to stop it . So when I introduced the key in the door , i turned it , and I really didn 't want to open it , I knew all the darkness would be out of there as soon as I opened . I simply knew something big was at the other side , my heart rushed . I opened the door and there he was , Kevin , hanging from a rope hanged in the ceiling . I simply stood there , feeling as I had never in my entire life . Sadness and anguish simply are too small to describe , I was broken , and I was broken since I was in the doorstep , but this , just killed me . And so I watched him for over two more minutes , then I cut the rope , and called an ambulance , but even two years later , when I would be celebrating my birthday , surrounded by all my friends and family , all supporting me , even then I knew I had died at that specific moment , when that horrible wind swirled by my face . By I 'm the penguin He just couldn 't stop staring at that old painting , as if by looking at it the old man would stand from that chair , take his stick and walk out of the canvas . The walls surrounding him were very old , filled with dust and mould . The stairs were missing four steps , all next to each other , the termites had done its work destroying every piece of furniture in that old racked house . Jack had been there , sitting in the floor , just staring at the old man painting for days now . And it hadn 't been long since Jack last visit to the McFadden manor , the last time he left he had ran away again , this time it was because some stupid fight with his father about getting a job , and as usual being the last thing he said " You 'll regret this , you 'll regret this " , as if this was his way of crying for his parents approval , who not even dead would they give him . It used to be a pleasant place to be , the front yard was filled with lilies form all the countries Mrs . McFadden had been , including Mongolia , which according to herbologists all around the world was impossible , given that the Mongolian lilies had extinct thousands of years ago . But that was as Jack remembered his mother , always running into the impossible for the most stupid things , disregarding what really mattered . The manor had a total of thirty nice rooms , which would have been great for a big family hosting events frequently , but that was not the case , both Helen and Richard McFadden had been only children and had only had two kids . Lily ( named after her mother 's obsession with the flowers ) and Jack , so when they grew up , Jack and Lily found their selves most of the time finding their way through that big maze . But now all that was gone , gone forever , Jack would never see his mother watering the lilies , or his father yelling at the cellphone even when it was off , or his terrible but yet beautiful sister running around with some new yuppie . He wouldn 't ever see Mr . Snuggles , - or whatever the name of that stupid little dog was - jumping around his leg . Jack McFadden would no longeHoward Green , the new promise in modern architecture " I 'm frequently asked ' Howard , how do you manage to do so much is so little time ? ' , but that is not really a problem I mean , I just use a controlled agenda and that is it . But organizing is really important . " said the tall handsome architect " Oh , that is some good tip for all our readers , but tell me Howard , did you ever thought that you wouldn 't succeed in this gigantic task ? " asked the interviewer while writing some notes in a little paper . " of coarse I had my doubts , it was really more like a challenge than a job " he said while laughing with that charming fake laugh of his " but all the way through there was my lovely fiancée " ended the man , as he looked to the clock . " So ! who is future Mrs . Green ? " asked the curious interviewer - at last something barely interesting - she thought for herself " I really wouldn 't like to talk about that , but you may ask anything else about the tower , because we 're really running out of time " he said , a little exasperated . " C ' ommon , we all want to know who was an inspiration for such a construction , the construction details can be known just by looking . . . " she said . " If you may know , she is a beautiful young lady , who happens to be an architect as well " he said , getting irritated . " Names honey , names ! " said Patricia Conrad . " If you have to know her name is Gina Owen , happy ? " he said as he stood up " Delightful , simply , delightful " she whispered as she wrote a little more " but where are you going ? " " This interview is over " said Howard Green as he walked away . Gina won 't be mad , will she ? I bet they are going to edit that , probably my interview won 't even make it to the magazine , probably she just won 't even care , maybe she would still be back at Montana building that bank . Regardless what would happen next , we will be married in two months , hopefully all will go according to plan , and that obnoxious brother of hers will be in jailBy I 'm the Penguin What is evil ? Is it an abstract beast , infinite and figure less ? Is it raging spirit wandering among us , full of hatred and pain ? Or is it a horned red man ? The only true thing we think we know about it , is that it is the opposite of good , but then what is good ? What is this thing we claim we search so much and say we know but we 've never seen ? Is it a higher being with a master plan ? Is it a force that guides us ? Or is it just a well planed business ? What ever these things are , what ever they do , they are as real as an idea lurking in our minds , as real as a fantasy of being able to fly , as real as the math we do , being part of us in our thoughts , being part of our entire self . By I 'm the penguin Every decision we make leads us to a whole new world of possibilities , every single one of them , creating entire different universes where we decided differently and our whole lives changed . And by every one of them , I DO mean every one of them . In a hypothetical case , lets just say . It 's your breake , you go to a coffee shop , and are undecisful about what to get , you are between an iced tea , or a hot coffee , now there are two universes , the one in which you take the iced tea and the one in which you took the coffee , this might seem stupid , thinking the whole universe is going to drift apart for some stupid coffee , but read carefully . Since it 's been a long day at work , you are tired , and sleepy , so when they give you the coffee , you feel it way to hot , without previously preparing yourself , so since its too hot , you move quickly , don 't look back and you trip with a guy , and spill your coffee over him , and let 's just think about how hot it was , the guy is burned , he gets mad at you , then back at work you find out he started working there , and it is uncomfortable . Now let 's see about the universe in which you took the iced tea , its cold , but it feels good , so you just take it and leave the place , and go back to work , on the way you find yourself wanting to go to the restroom so bad , so as soon as you get there you go to the restroom , to where you don 't often go . Then when you come out , you see a guy you saw before at the coffee shop , he shyly asks you where is the accounting department , and since you work there , you walk him there . In the walk you two talk and have fun , since he is nervous and new , he dorkly invites you out , you two get along and two years later you find yourself moving with him . But back at the real world , in the decision , you prefer to go instead for the cookie you just saw , you take a bite , its delicious , and you go on with your life as usual , go back to work and worry about the calories later , while wondering how would it be if you had taken the tea or the coffee , but you know you can 't return therNewer Posts |
Blessed are those who find wisdom , those who gain understanding , for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold . She is more precious than rubies ; nothing you desire can compare with her . Long life is in her right hand ; in her left hand are riches and honor . Her ways are pleasant ways , and all her paths are peace . She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her ; those who hold her fast will be blessed . Prov 3 : 13 - 18 My newest novel , Healing Ruby , will be coming out in the next few months , and many of my family , friends , and readers have been curious about what 's coming next . I 'm still in the editing stages , so I can 't give you a taste and guarantee it 's what you 'll end up reading when the book is finally in your hands . But I hope to give you enough to whet your appetite ! Ruby Graves is a young teenage girl growing up in rural north Alabama during the devastating years of the Great Depression . As her father suffers through the crippling effects of diabetes , she secretly obtains a job caring for the son of a wealthy family in town who is dying of tuberculosis . She repeatedly seeks God 's healing for both her father and Matthew , but her father 's death leaves her faith shattered , and her family homeless . When her long - lost uncle arrives for the funeral , he introduces Ruby to the world of faith - healing , and the ability that has been passed down through her family from one generation to the next to stop the flow of blood . When Matthew 's condition suddenly worsens , Ruby comes face to face with the power of God to heal , and an intimacy with his presence she longs to hold onto . As Ruby struggles to understand God 's call to serve and heal others , she must learn to surrender to a destiny that will challenge the social norms of her time , endanger her life , and demand that she count everything she holds dear as loss for the sake of Christ . I never meant to hurt anyone . It was the last thing I ever wanted to do , but in moments that pass by quicker than lightning , things just happen . That seems to be the story of my life . Things happen before I can stop them , before I even understand what 's happening . Sometimes it 's my eagerness that gets me into trouble - like when Mother 'd make me help her with canning all them vegetables , but all I could think about was getting out of that hot kitchen , sneaking down to the creek , and burying myself in the cold water . But most times , what gets me in trouble is just plain anger . Like the time when I was ten , and Henry was harassing me again , and I was just sick of him that day . I never understood what was so much fun about picking on girls , but that seemed to be the favorite pastime of both my brothers . Seemed to me that teenage boys could find plenty else to occupy their time with , and it would make me madder than a hornet . Maybe that was why they did it . We weren 't poor back then , back before stock crashes and poverty stole the life out of folks . But we weren 't like the Doyle 's either - we didn 't have a housekeeper to clean up after us - and since I was the only girl , I got stuck with washing the dishes after dinner every Sunday while the boys got to run off to do heaven knows what with heaven knows who . Henry should 've just left me alone . But he never could pass up a chance to needle me , and he slapped my behind as he dropped his plate into the wash tub . I must 've gotten madder than I ever had before , because I don 't exactly remember deciding to do it , but the next thing I knew , the knife in my hand went sailing through the air and landed in Henry 's neck . What happened after that is still a blur . I think I was as horrified as Henry was , and we both just stood there staring at each other in shock . I couldn 't even remember throwing that knife across the room . But there he stood just a few feet away from me , a trickle of blood running down his neck and seeping into the collar of his Sunday shirt . I remember thinking that Mother 'd have a time getting that stain out on the washboard . She 'd complain about her knuckles getting raw . Henry pulled the knife out , and blood just shot out of him . It hit Mother 's table cloth , the white one with the lace around the bottom that Grandma Kellum had made for a wedding present . It hit the wall and the door frame where Henry stood . He stared at it kind of wide - eyed for a moment . Then just as Daddy came back in the room , Henry sank to the floor . Something lit a fire under my feet , and I was beside him in a second . Like I said , it all seemed to happen in a haze of confusion and regret , but I remember the dark red stain spreading through the dishtowel in my hands as I pressed down on Henry 's neck . I remember Daddy rushing over , calling for Mother and hollering at Henry that he 'd be all right . I remember the look on Daddy 's face when he yelled at James to go for Dr . Fisher - his face pale , his eyes wide and accusing . I 'd only seen him look scared once before - the night little Charlie died from the Spanish flu - and it just about did me in to think I 'd be responsible for him losing another son . Mother came beside me , shoving me out of the way . Her hands were strong and quick , she moved my dishrag away and looked at Henry 's wound , never once grimacing . She put a clean cloth over it and grabbed my hands , pressing them down over Henry 's neck and looking at me with blazing eyes that shot right through me . " Press hard . Don 't move . " Then she stood and pulled Daddy up with her . " Abner , it 's bad . Real bad . " Henry 's eyes drifted slowly over to look up at me , and I wondered what he was thinking . I hated for him to be mad at me . As much as I hated his picking on me , I loved him fierce - almost as much as Daddy . Henry could make you smile in a second , no matter what had you in a mess . I loved both my brothers , but he was the one that really knew me , the one who liked playing with me . I couldn 't stand the thought that I 'd hurt him . " Henry ? " I whispered . " You all right ? " " But you were there ! " she yelled . " You saw everything ! " I couldn 't remember Mother ever raising her voice , so I had no idea what to think . Daddy looked taken aback too . He glared at her , then down at Henry , and then he looked at her again . This time the fear seemed more like anger . " Listen here , even if I knew how , I wouldn 't bring that blasphemy into my house ! " Daddy bent over Henry and lifted him into his arms . He carried him into their bedroom and laid Henry across the bed . Mother followed with her shoulders bent forward like she was ready to tackle Daddy . He turned to her and caught her before she could lay into him . " Now , Lizzy , there just ain 't nothing I can do . Not like you 's wanting right now . James 'll fetch Doctor Fisher , and you and I 're gone do everything we can . The Lord 'll take care a Henry . Now stop fretting over something I can 't control , and do what you can for him . " Mother looked like she might just fall over , but then her whole body stiffened . She went to Henry 's head and checked the rags . Then she knelt beside the bed and started praying . Daddy turned to me , and right then I saw that he knew I 'd done this . My stomach turned , and I thought I might lose my lunch right there . " Ruby , " he said . " How 'd this happen ? " I couldn 't take him looking at me like that , like he didn 't even know who I was . All I could do was turn and run . So I did . I ran out the door and into the woods as far as my legs would carry me . I tripped and fell a couple of times , but it was the third fall that finally did me in . I had nothing left inside me . All I could do was lay on the ground , my tears mixing with the dirt and leaves , praying God would forgive me and let Henry live . I promised I 'd never lose my temper again , and I 'd do everything in my power to keep the people I loved from pain . I promised Him that I 'd do anything He ever wanted from me … ever . He just couldn 't take Henry . Sometimes I still remember that day in a dream , and I wonder how much of it really happened , and how much of my memory my dreams have changed . It 's hard to know . Now , when I remember that day , it 's not the memory of Henry lying on the floor , or Mother scrubbing up blood for hours , or even the relief I felt when Henry was all right that my mind sits on . Instead , I think about all the ruckus going on around us that day , about all the promises I made to God to save Henry , and not even realizing that Daddy was already sick . When Henry and I got home from school that afternoon , Doctor Fisher was talking with Mother in the living room . Just the sight of him sent a shiver down my spine and the memory of Charlie 's last night on this earth through my mind . I felt my breath catch , but then Doctor Fisher smiled at me . I knew he wouldn 't be smiling if something serious was wrong with Daddy , so it set me at ease , and I smiled back . " Hi there , Miss Ruby , " he said . I shook his hand . " Hi , Doctor Fisher . " He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of butterscotch . I grinned and grabbed it out of his hand . He turned to Henry and shook his hand like a man while he pat him on the back . " Yes , sir . Those boys from Cullman won 't know what hit ' em . " Henry smiled and walked over to Mother , kissing her on the cheek . She held onto him for a bit longer than usual , and it looked like she might cry for a second . That sent the uneasiness working its way back through my stomach . I looked at Doctor Fisher again . Maybe I 'd been wrong . But before I could figure anything out , Mother started throwing out her usual orders . I put my things in my room then went to the kitchen where the mop waited for me . As I worked my way across the floor toward the table , I could see Mother and Doctor Fisher talking on the porch through the window . Mother put her palms to her eyes and shook her head . I worked my way a little closer to the window , and I could just make out some of Doctor Fisher 's words - something about Daddy 's feet getting worse and how she 'd have to convince him to eat better . Mother threw her hands out to the side and groaned . " We 've tried everything you suggested . I don 't know what else to do . " Doctor Fisher put a hand on her shoulder . " I know it 's tough , but it 's time to face the reality that he 's going to lose that foot . Maybe both of them . " He continued giving me the look a bit longer , but then he sighed and pulled out the chair . He fell into it like his own body weighed more than he could handle ; then he slapped his thigh . " C ' mere . " I thought for a second I was about to get a whipping , and he must have seen my eyes widen cause he let out a deep rumbling chuckle and scratched his beard . " C ' mon , " he said . " You ain 't in trouble , baby girl . " He continued to smile , but he looked at me different , like he was remembering me instead of seeing me . " Just like your mother . Can 't just let a man talk like he wants to . But I guess you 're right . You aren 't a little girl anymore . So how about taking a seat and talking with me like a grown up ? " I slid onto the bench nearest me and waited for him to say something . We must have sat like that for a full minute . I laced my hands together on top of the table and looked out the window . He leaned forward and put his hand over mine - they were still laced together on the table and were beginning to sweat . " Ruby , don 't nobody know what God 's plans may hold . I can 't tell you when my time 's been appointed . But no matter what happens , you can trust God to take care of you . " I guessed that was supposed to make me feel better , but all I could think about was that he didn 't really answer my question . Then Mother came through the door and went straight to the stove without a word . She checked the fire in it 's belly then stirred the great big pot on top . She wiped her hands on her apron and let out a long sigh that seemed to deflate her and slump her shoulders . Daddy stood and walked over behind her , and I noticed the limp on his right side . He put his hands on Mother 's shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze . She turned around and pointed a finger up at his face . " Abner Graves , I don 't know what I 'm going to do with you . I 've told you time and time again about watching what you eat . " " Don 't worry , Lizzy . It 'll all be fine . It was a fine cotton season , and next year 's gone be even better . Don 't worry about the money . " He pulled her into his chest and wrapped his arms around her back . She relaxed in his embrace , but then she noticed me watching them and turned back to the stove . I jumped up and grabbed the mop from the bucket , trying to rid my mind of the fear swirling around the edges . I focused all my thoughts on finishing my chores as quickly as possible so I could go to the game . Basketball was just catching on in the more rural areas of Alabama , but our school in Hanceville had a pretty good team . We figured it was a good season if we beat Cullman more times than they beat us . That fall , we 'd gotten beaten pretty bad in football , so everybody in the town was counting on the basketball team to lift our spirits . I liked it better than football . For one thing , I could play basketball . James and Henry had taught me how to shoot on a basket they 'd nailed to the side of our barn . Even Daddy had helped me some , and I was pretty good too . But he drew the line there . When the boys had friends over , and they started playing real games , Daddy 'd insist I go help Mother in the house . But I sneaked out a few times , and I showed those boys that a girl can give as good as she gets if you just give her half a chance . We got to the gym early on account of Henry being on the team . James was already there waiting on us in the parking lot with a couple of his friends , including Emma Rae Calhoun . She still had another year in school , and she was sweet on James . He went to all sorts of trouble to make sure no one knew , but I could tell he was sweet on her too . He 'd walk her home from church a couple of Sundays every month , and he made sure he was extra clean on those days . That was the only clue he really gave , other than walking her home , but it was enough for me to know . He came over to us just as we got to the front door . He put a hand on Daddy 's shoulder , and his eyebrows mashed together till his face turned almost identical to Daddy 's . " I 'm fine son . " Daddy stood up a little straighter and made more of an effort to hide the limp I 'd seen earlier . James didn 't look convinced . " If you ain 't feeling right , you need to stay home and rest . I can get Henry home . Besides , we 'll want to go out with some friends afterward anyway . " " Said I 'm fine . Now you go on with your friends . Henry 'll just come home with us . " Henry 's face fell , and James nodded before turning back toward his friends . Daddy took a few more steps and called over his shoulder as we reached the door . " Make sure you 're home at a decent hour . I 'll need you to start mending that fence early tomorrow . " We walked into the gym , and Henry headed straight for the court where some of the other boys on the team were already shooting around . Daddy and Mother headed for the same spot where we always sat , close to the floor near the middle of the court . The Doyles came in right after us , and they nodded at Mother and Daddy as they sat a few feet away . Their daughter Mary sat down behind them and glanced around . I gave her a quick smile , and she managed a polite wave of her hand . Nothing that seemed particularly inviting . Mary was in my class , but she didn 't look like any eighth grader I 'd ever seen , maybe because she 'd started school later than most . She was always so well put together , with hair that just shone like everything when the sun hit it . She 'd already caught the attention of a few high school boys , but not any that had the guts to talk to her in front of her parents . But then again , I didn 't know too many regular people that spoke to the Doyles . Mother leaned toward me and nudged my side . " Why don 't you go say hello to some of your friends ? " " I will a bit later . " I 'd long ago lost hope of getting Mother to understand my preference for solitude . I was a bean pole of a girl , with little interest in clothes or talking about boys . I spent most of my free time at school reading or daydreaming about the adventures I 'd go on as soon as I was old enough to get out of this town . It wasn 't the best way to go about making friends , and the few times Mother had forced me into socializing , I 'd just embarrassed myself . But Mother was not one to give up easily . " At least make an effort to be friendly , Ruby . Your Daddy and I expect you to be polite . " I looked over at Daddy knowing he wouldn 't care one way or the other if I said hello to girls I was barely acquainted with . He was already engrossed in watching Henry and the other boys go through some practice plays . I sighed and pushed myself off the bleacher , ignoring Mother 's satisfied smile . Mary already had a few more girls around her , so I knew this would be awkward . But if I got it over with quickly , maybe Mother 'd leave me alone the rest of the game . I forced a polite smile and climbed the three bleachers to the group of girls . Evelyn Brachman and Judy Carr went to Cullman , so I only knew them by reputation , but Era Calhoun was a ninth grader at Hanceville . All were from wealthier families in the county , and even though most of their parents seemed friendly enough with mine , they 'd never seemed interested in being friends with me . I guess I couldn 't say I had shown much interest in them either , if I was being fair about it anyway . " Mind if I join y ' all for a few minutes ? " Mary was the only one that really looked at me , and I was keenly aware of how plain I must seem to her . " Why sure , Ruby . Come sit by me . " I had to admit , she seemed downright genuine about it . I decided to give it a shot , and maybe the other girls would warm up to me . As I took a seat and got comfortable , the game started , so I did my best to follow along with the girls ' conversation while keeping up with the game . It didn 't surprise me in the least when they started going on and on about how handsome the players were . Henry made a nice shot near the goal , and we all stood to cheer . I couldn 't hide my shock when Judy leaned toward me and spoke . " Henry 's your brother , right Ruby ? " she said . I nodded and she exchanged giggles with Era . I thought I remembered Henry walking with Era a couple of times when James would walk her older sister Emma Rae home . I hated the way the girls acted around both my brothers . It was all giggles and batting eyelashes , and complete nonsense if you asked me . Just then , Mr . Doyle stood up and started pacing along the edge of the court . I knew he 'd start hollering soon . His youngest son , Matthew , was a senior on the team , and Mr . Doyle was constantly yelling during the games . He did it during football and baseball too , so we 'd all gotten pretty used to it . Mary 's face flushed a slight shade of pink , so I wondered if she was as used to it as the rest of us . " What 's Matthew planning on doing after graduation ? " I asked . Mary sighed and shook her head . " That 's all anybody in our house can talk about these days . Daddy insists that he goes to college and learn about business , but Matthew just wants to play ball . " I watched him run down the court , watched the intensity in his eyes and the balance in his body as he changed direction on a dime . He was tall and lean , with large muscled shoulders . I remembered watching him play football and baseball , too . He was gifted . How could his daddy not see that ? Down below us , Mr . Doyle paced behind the wall of the cage , barking and clapping . He was every bit as intense as Matthew , and it seemed to me he 'd be supporting his dreams . But Mr . Doyle owned several businesses in both Hanceville and Cullman , and his older sons were already working for him . Maybe expectations were a lot heavier than dreams . I know mine seemed to float all around and never land on anything solid . I started to turn back to Mary to try to keep up the conversation , but just then it seemed like the entire gym gasped . My gaze shot to Daddy , expecting to see him laid out on the floor , but he was standing next to Mother looking all worried at the court . My next thought was for Henry , and I found him in the crowd of players gathering underneath the basket furthest away from us . One of the players waved Coach Rayburn over , his face stricken with worry . I tried to get a glimpse , but then I saw Mr . Doyle run across the gym . Mary and I both stood at the same time , and I saw him then . Matthew was lying on the floor unconscious . Coach Rayburn and Mr . Doyle slapped his face a few times and finally got him to come around . They lifted him off the floor and put his arms around their shoulders , then talked for a minute before they started moving toward the exit . About ten feet from the door , Matthew started coughing so bad they had to stop , and I heard another gasp from some people nearby . I tried to look closer to see what was happening , but I couldn 't see anything from up in the stands . Mary and her mother moved toward the exit too , so I followed them through the crowd opening up to let them by . Just as we got to the door , the men moved Matthew the rest of the way out of the exit , and from what I could see , I thought he might have passed out again . Mary and Mrs . Doyle followed along behind them , clinging to each other like they might fall over if they let go . My heart thudded in my ears , and I wished I could comfort Mary . But they were gone in a matter of seconds , and I had no idea what to do . I turned to search for Mother and Daddy in the crowd . Maybe they 'd know something . As I looked around , I saw what had made those people gasp the second time . All across the floor where Mr . Doyle and Coach Rayburn had stopped with Matthew , was a large splattering of blood nearly as black as tar . Through August 1 , I am running a fund raising campaign on Indiegogo to help cover all the costs of producing this novel . If you 'll follow the link provided , you can check out the details of what the money will cover , as well as the perks you get for different amounts of donating . Please consider contributing ; no amount is too small or insignificant . I would appreciate your support , through donations and through sharing this effort with your friends and family you believe might enjoy it . Again , simply follow this link : Posted by |
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