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t3_23p37t | legaladvice | Grand theft charge on a prior offender (23M) Boyfriend of my best friend, accused by her roommate. (California) | So my best friend from middle school (we'll call her Katy) has a boyfriend (we'll call him Jerry) that she met in recovery, and he has been in and out of jail most of his juvenile life. He got out a while ago, was doing ok, on parole, and then kinda... spun out. A month or so ago, he was getting clean again, and staying with Katy, when her roommate called the police and said that Jerry had stolen a loaded gun out of her (locked) bedroom. SWAT showed up and he was like...uhhh, I have been in the room all day, and went peacefully with the police to not cause any further trouble. He did not steal the gun. Katy was with him the ENTIRE time he was staying, and he was never left alone. He also did not know there was a gun in the house, and neither did Katy. Neither of them likes guns and won't be around any because he was on parole, and some other personal reasons. She actually moved out that day, and was moving out prior to this incident because her roommate drinks too much.
Anyway, dude has been in county lockup, and hasn't bailed out because he doesn't have the money. His PD told him the best idea was to take a deal, because he is a prior offender. He told him that no one would believe him, and that even without evidence of theft (there is none) that he would be most likely convicted. The gun is nowhere to be found, and the old roommate constantly has people in her house that are her friends and her 20 something son's friends are always there too. She and I both think someone else took it.
My question is, can he really go down for a crime that there is no evidence for? Or should he request a new public defender or attorney and fight it? I don't understand how he can be charged for something without any evidence. No one saw him take it, gun has not been found, he went peacefully with police when requested. Any help is appreciated.
Thanks | Prior offender charged with stealing a loaded gun he didn't know was there. He didn't steal anything, but his PD says he should just do the time, his SO and I think he should fight it. What should he do? |
t3_1fruac | Dogtraining | Tips for Moving | My 9-10 month old pup and I are moving in a couple weeks and I was wondering if anyone had any great tips.
Where we're at: Large 1st floor apt/duplex with my parents and sister and frequent visitors. There's a ton of space, hard wood floors, and she's never alone for too long. When she is alone she's in a very large bedroom with her bed, toys, food and potty pads. We also have a little front yard which is where she usually goes potty (often on the tail end of a walk).
Where we're headed: A small 1 BR apt with carpet (she's pretty well potty trained, but it makes me nervous) on the 2nd floor. If she has to be left alone, she'll be gated off in the tiled dining area & kitchen.
Biggest concerns: She's potty trained, but every once in a while she has accidents (usually in the same place). She is also home alone more than I like to admit. She currently goes on potty pads in our bedroom, so I'm hoping potty pads in the dining area is just as well.
I'm a little concerned about her energy and need for attention. She's already pretty attached to me, but gets lots of attention from my family. Eventually I'll be able to bring her with me to work (if she's well behaved), but in the meantime I want to make sure that her attention needs are filled. When I first started leaving her alone, she was chewing up everything in sight. With some good toys and the help of my family (less time alone), we've curbed this habit, dont' want it to come back. | Moving out of large house with family, nervous about carpet & dog getting lonely/bored/destructive. Tips appreciated. |
t3_1l5mpv | relationships | The important people in my life won't talk to me [M42]. Don't know how to reconnect. | I'm recently divorced after a long marriage with kids (M15), (F12) and both are still very upset. My son tried to support my ex during the divorce and it sent him into a severe depression. There weren't really that many arguments but our marriage had lost its intimacy a long time ago. So it surprised everyone when I left and he hasn't forgiven me since.
Towards the end of the divorce I fell in love with a coworker (F23). We've had a wonderful 8 months but she moved away 2 months ago to start a new career. She isn't that far away but the new job is very taxing on her and she hasn't been able to spend much time with me. I can't follow her because the relationship with my kids is so poor and they are in a crucial time of their life.
My life has been pretty miserable with the kids and an increasingly frustrated job. Two days after my last visit she told me it had become too much for her and she needed her space. She loves me and doesn't want to end it, but I have no idea what she's going to do. Early on we had tried to break it off twice and failed. Now she's 200 miles away and we have no contact. I'm trying to give her the space she needs and failing miserably.
So I'm stuck in a catch 22. My son won't talk to me because of the divorce and my girlfriend. My girlfriend won't talk to me because of my kids and her new job is already pretty stressful.
Meanwhile I'm alone, and I want to reconnect with both of them. I feel hopeless because all I can do is wait and see if my girlfriend ever comes back to me. With my son I'm going to try to talk to him but it could be years before he fully understands why I left. | Son is very upset over divorce. Girlfriend feels stressed over my issues and won't let me move to her. Neither wants to talk to me right now. |
t3_3u4v8d | relationships | I [29 M] want to explore some freaky sh*t with my [25F] girlfriend of 4 years. Not sure how to go about this... | I love my girlfriend. She is fucking gorgeous, funny, smart - she's the real deal. I'm going to marry her one day. I've never met someone so compatible with me.
However, there's something that's been nagging at me for quite some time. We have fairly vanilla sex. It's great - but it's pretty standard. I want to explore sexually and I want to involve other people. The idea of going to something like a sex party, or having a threesome turns me on quite a bit. Heck, just WATCHING my girlfriend have sex with a girl is a huge fantasy.
Here's a short list:
- I want to explore threesomes. Even just doing it once is fine.
- I want have someone watch me fuck my girlfriend (guy or girl)
- I want to go to crazy sex parties. Maybe a swinger party - or some sort of orgy.
I want to do all these things WITH her. Her being part of it is an integral part of my fantasies. I want to explore our sexuality together. I want us to tag-team and seduce a girl together. God, that seems like it would be so fun.
But the problem is, how do I bring this stuff up? She's revealed some of her fantasies to me and based on that, I think she would be open to trying this stuff. But I'm afraid that if she's not she'll think negatively of me for wanting to do these things.
Up to this point it's been easier to just push aside my fantasies because the fear of her not being accepting scares me too much. Which is honestly just my hang-up because I don't think she would react negatively.
Anyway, how should I bring this up? Are there books or anything that walk you through this sort of thing? | I want to explore sexually with my girlfriend (threesomes, sex parties) but I'm not sure how to bring it up to her. |
t3_2t943t | relationships | So my girlfriend broke up with me by text today. | Okay so some backstory. She (17/F) and I(17/M) had been dating for about 2 or 3 months, but had to keep it on the down low due to her over protective mother. Not three days ago she sent me a wonderful email expressing how much she loves me. Today, after being in bed for days with a nasty flu, I get a text from her friend's number saying it's her and that I don't make her happy enough and she needs to do what she wants to do, and that we were through. And was quite blunt about it too. Any idea what her thought process was and how can I deal with this issue and/or issues that arise due to this? This has left me quite confused, to say the least. | Dated girl for three months. Borrows a phone and breaks up via text while I'm sick with the flu. What do? |
t3_12718f | relationships | What to do with protective parents? | So I am 18 (F), and my boyfriend is 17. We have been going out for a little over 2 months, so not long at all, and I am constantly put down through his parents. BACKGROUND; He is of Russian descent with parents who are completely immersed in said culture, and refuse to westernize when they moved to Canada. Now I, having been born in Canada do not know of any of the customs in Russian culture, I only know that my family has a Russian lineage in it. This lineage is what actually convinced them to accept me when they first met me (a month in to the official relationship). I go to my boyfriends sports meets, and dinners, but whenever his parents do not want me to hear anything they speak in Russian dialect so I can not understand (I lost my ability to speak it at the age of 7). They basically baby him and say he can not come over and needs to focus on his sports, and not some "childish girl fling", when he (boyfriend) could have a perfect lady as a girlfriend. They have also commented that because I'm westernized I will never be the perfect "lady like figure" my boyfriend is looking for , and that they strongly disagree with my "butch sports choices" (Boys rep hockey, and Dance). I have no idea how to approach them and possibly show them that I am not out to do any wrong.. any suggestions? I really want this to work because he is a great guy, and my past relationships have not gone well, and he was concerned enough to help me through everything before his own concerns. | Russian communist parents of a boyfriend who is being babied and told he can not see me due to my "unladylike portrayal". |
t3_45v5kn | relationships | Me [28 M] with my [29 F] 3 years, long distance | We both live in 2 countries very far away and have been doing long distance for nearly 3 years now. I have been in her country for the past 3 months as she prepares to move out so we can be together.
Last night we went out and got into an argument. She wanted to continue the night and go out. I however wanted to go home. So i decided to go home and she left me in the cab and would not give me the keys to get into the apartment. Its -30 and i had to buzz random apartments to let me in. She returned after 2am when the bars had closed. I sat and waited in the foyer for over an hour.
There is nothing inside of me that could ever do this to her. Knowing she was stranded and by herself i would have never ever left her by herself like that.
I told her I'm flying home earlier than expected as that was way too much for me.
We dont live down the street from each other so a goodbye is a goodbye forever. We can't patch things up once i leave. We can't talk about this in a week when its cooled off. I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I love her with all my heart but am so hurt.
Please help with any advice | Girlfriend left me in the foyer while she partied at a bar until close, knowing i had no keys. What is your advice? |
t3_1vp557 | dating_advice | She brought up marriage on the 5th date-red flag? | So I've been dating this girl for about a month. Due to work schedules we've only been on 5 dates so far. She's beautiful, smart, and we both like the same movies, games, you name it. I'd almost say she's perfect (although we haven't had sex yet, but I'll bet she's great in that area too).
This is what she said to me last night:
"You're a great guy and I enjoy hanging out with you. But I don't see the point in dating and getting close to someone unless it has the possibility to head somewhere. In fact I'm at a place where I'm ready to find someone to settle down with, to marry and have kids with. And I want to date someone who thinks the same."
I told her I'd think about it and get back to her. I feel like I could be ready to settle down if I met the right person. I am tired of sowing my oats. On the other hand, that she brought it up scares me a bit.
Two problems:
One...she brought it up really early. I don't think she's looking to marry anybody but still, it surprised me.
Two...she's only 24. She was raised in the south but she's grown out of that and is an atheist for crying out loud. Are there sane women who want to get married that young? | Great girl brings up marriage on the 5th date, says she doesn't want to date unless it leads somewhere. Isn't this a bad attitude? |
t3_49a7ic | relationships | Me [26 M] with my ex-gf [26 F] of 1 year, broke up in November...what is she thinking? | My gf and I dated for around a year. We had our ups and downs. I broke up with her at the beginning of November bc I felt things just weren't working. After the break up, we continued to have regular/intense sex. Until after xmas break...
After xmas break, she just got cold. Started taking forever to answer my texts etc. In so many words, she told me she was over us. So I went NC for a couple weeks...
Just recently, she's started to engage in conversation again (i.e. her texting me first). Innocent stuff, about work and what not. So I ask her to hang out, and she agrees.
I just got back from hanging out with her. From the get go, she was cold and seemed rushed/uncomfortable. We caught up a little bit, but the hang out was dominated by awkwardness. I invited her back to my place but she declined. So we hugged goodbye.
I texted her apologizing if I made her feel uncomfortable. She replies 'im not totally up for hanging out yet to be honest. still feels a bit weird'
I do still have strong feelings for her. I'd be happy to get back together with her, but I also feel like I'd be crushed if I proposed this and she turned me down. I'd also be ok with being FWB, but I get the vibe that that's not happening.
So...what should I do? what's she thinking? how does she feel, do you think? do i go solid NC and finally move on? do i tell her how i feel? | broke up w/ my gf several months ago. still had sex. then she went cold. NC for a bit. then she re-engaged. hung out tonight and she felt uncomfortable. what shall i do... |
t3_yr6bz | relationship_advice | Long distance seems to have cooled down. 25m 23f | I (25m) and her (23f) have been talking for about 7 months now. It's long distance and she lives in another country. It's about 2 hours by plane, I live close to the border.
Things started great. She's easily the best person I've ever talked to and we get along great.
We've been making plans to visit each other and have pushed them to October on account of me starting a new job recently.
Lately, though, things seem to have cooled down between us. We haven't had sexy times in probably a month. It seems that whenever I get to talk to her (over skype, primarily) she's really tired and so we don't really have much of a conversation.
In general, I'm someone who show's affection through my words and she's someone who shows affection through her attention. we're kind of opposite in that way, and I'm really trying to learn to appreciate how she shows affection. But I can say I'm struggling with it. I know she cares about me, but just has trouble showing it in a way that has an effect on me. (Not sure if there's a better way to explain that)
I'm sure she still cares for me. How do I talk to her about my feelings and how I'm not exactly feeling satisfied with how things have been lately? | Been talking to a girl for about 7 months online. We're seeing each other in October. Things started great, but have now kind of stagnated. What do? |
t3_r8503 | AskReddit | In retrospect, what was your biggest regret? | I'll start:
A few years ago, my email got "hacked". Or at least, I lost all access to it. My email was linked to my youtube channel, so I didn't have access to that either.
Anyway, on my channel is an animation of the sun rising behind the earth, seen from space. It's a pretty HD video that receives moderately decent view counts.
When I got access to my email back more than 6 months later (by simply applying my "lost account" form again) , I went ahead and accessed my Youtube account as well. When I went to check my private messages, I saw something interesting.
It was a message claiming to be from a rep of Top Gear. They said they wanted to get my permission to use my sunset video on the show. It made perfect sense, as the video would fit fine with other stock footage on Top Gear, but I was reasonably dubious.
I checked out the person who messaged me. The message itself didn't specifically indicate the person who sent it, but the username did. I checked a list of Top Gear credits, and the username matched perfectly the name of an assistant producer, or some such title.
So great opportunity right? Just reply back and say "sure", right?
Here's the kicker, the message was 5 months old when I got my account back, and it was obvious their's was a temporary account only to facilitate this one message. I tried messaging back hopelessly saying that YES, they could use my video on the show, but I got no reply. I still don't totally know if the message was real or not. I could have gotten the message on time if I had simply submitted my "Lost Account" form again after Google rejected it. | My computer graphics work could possibly have been viewed by hundreds of millions of people on one of the world's most popular television shows, but I missed the message asking for permission to use it. |
t3_1cpaph | relationship_advice | Am I [26/f] in a doomed relationship (40/m)? | We've been together for about 3 years. when we met I was battling with depression and he helped me immensely to overcome it. he made me feel happy and I became confident. shortly after I recovered, we went through some life-changing events. some of it was out of our control, some was his doing. since then he entered a phase of depression and guilt and is only recently recovering. i became stronger and i supported us. he treated me badly but i stuck through it because i knew he didnt mean it. he was just pushing me away because he was hurting. Lately he's recovering and keeps saying that we will be better.
which brings me to this day. we had our first big fight and he screamed at me to leave him. it started with me ranting at him for his shortcomings.. he doesnt have a job, we don't have sex and i'm starting to feel insecure. i feel that ive been waiting for him for so long that i can't get any satisfaction anymore. im losing patience.
am i being selfish? what should i do? | SO been treating me badly because he is depressed. he says he'll change but im not sure its worth fighting for. we just had an argument and i dont know what to do. |
t3_39or0o | tifu | TIFU by getting attacked by lemurs | So I was at the zoo with my friends. We were checking out some of the bird species when I saw the habitats for the primates.
We checked out some of the monkeys and loris, until I found the area for the lemurs. My friends just bought some peanut brittle and watermelon slices from the treat shop nearby. Smart choices, nuts and fruits are the usual diets of most lemurs.
I loved lemurs, so I walked up to the small brick wall seperating us. They were Ruffled Lemurs and Ring-Tailed lemurs. They looked really cute so I held out a chunk of watermelon.
Smart me. One of the males came over to me and happily took the watermelon from my hand. We bought special passes that let us handle some of the animals in the zoo, and luckily for me, lemurs were on the list.
A whole bunch of other lemurs came up to me. They scratched and clawed their way up the wall and sat, only about five inches from my face. I got another piece of watermelon and gave each lemur a piece. People were staring at me from behind, they must have thought I was some animal whisperer.
I certainly wasn't, though, and I was no employee either. I'm pretty sure they shouldn't have climbed the wall, but they did because they're lemurs, they'll do anything for food.
My friend accidentally threw some watermelon at my face. Oh joy.
I whacked him for doing it. The lemurs (Stupid me) caught my eye. I knew that if I made the tiniest move I would be ambushed. *Slowly*...
Crunch.
Lemurs from left and right fought over the watermelon splattered on my face. They scratched and clawed until it was all eaten. I was very injured but not so much that I needed to go to hospital. I ended up with a scratched eyelid, several deep scars on my cheeks and quite a few bite and claw marks near my nose, forehead and eyes. Doesn't really help that one of my eyes are already dodgy, so now they're even more difficult to see through. FANTASTIC! | My friend got watermelon on my face and a bunch of lemurs fought over it and now I'm all bruised up. |
t3_3c8o2e | tifu | TIFU by trying to impress a girl by cooking steaks. | This didn't happen today, it happened a few years ago. Sorry.
I was a sophomore in college and she was a senior. I had the biggest crush on her. I convinced her to come over to my apartment by saying that I would cook steaks for us. She said yes.
I decided to try a new method that I found online: oven roasting with a cast-iron skillet. Problem was I'm a griller and I don't know much about anything outside of grilling. So I covered the cast-iron skillet and the steak with olive oil because I didn't want it to stick together.
Worst idea ever.
5 minutes in, smoke starts coming out of the oven and the fire alarm goes off. I grab a chair(cuz I'm short) and a magazine and start waving the smoke away from the detector hoping that the alarm would turn off. My friend asks me, "Is this supposed to be happening?" I try to play it off cool. "Oh yeah this happened last time I did this. It'll turn off in a minute."
NOPE.
A couple minutes later and the whole apartment was filled with smoke. It was worse than a fog machine. I finally gave up hopelessly waving at the fire alarm and turned off the stove. At this point I figured the fire department would be coming soon. So I grab my friend and we walked to the front of the apartment complex because that's where I thought they would show up. We wait there for about 20 minutes and nothing happens. So I decide to go back.
Apparently we had missed the Fire Department. They had arrived through the back of the complex and had already come and gone. My neighbor said that they saw that it was from the steaks so they turned off the alarm and left.
By that time though the steaks had actually cooked to a medium-rare and the smoke had cleared, so we finished our dinner.
Moral of the story? Don't use a ton of olive oil and stick it in an oven. | Tried to impress a girl by cooking steaks. Instead I embarrassed myself by causing the Fire Department to come. |
t3_2pu0n5 | relationships | I'm (f21) not sure if my Christmas present for boyfriend (m53) is too small. | My boyfriend and I have been dating since April. However, I left for an internship over the summer on the other side of the country (where he visited me) for three months. So we've been seeing each other often and uninterrupted since August. It's been great, we see each other about every other day and spend quite a few nights a week at each others houses.
For Christmas I'm planning to give him a novel that I think is very relevant to his life right now, and some homemade treats. I'm worried that this is not a big enough gift because I would say his love language is probably gift giving. However, I don't want to give him something inappropriately large for the amount of time we've been together. Also, our income disparity is pretty great (he makes twice as much as me) so I'm not sure if what I give him should be of equal monetary value as what he gives me. | Is a novel I find relevant to my boyfriend of 3-8 months life and some homemade cookies enough of a gift since he seems to have the gift giving love language? |
t3_4obkwc | relationships | Me [20s M] with my GF [20 F] of 1 year, and I can't get past her tattoos. | I've been with my girlfriend for about a year, and I love more than anyone I ever have before. We get along really well, and never really fight. However, she has 5-7 tattoos, most of which she got in a short burst of time right before we got together, and they really bother me. It feels like such a shallow thing to think, but for some reason I can't stop thinking about how I don't like them. Whenever I see her, I try and divert my vision away from where they are.
Now, this emotional reaction is something that completely surprised me as I am quite liberal, and don't feel like I have any right to dictate what anyone should do with their body. Unfortunately, I know telling her how I truly feel would be quite upsetting, and I don't want to make her feel ugly or unwanted.
On the other hand, I can't change how I feel, and it doesn't seem like something I will be getting over any time soon. I have tried to talk about it to some extent before, and from this, she at least knows i'm not in love with them, but things got emotional and the conversation didn't go in the direction I wanted it to. Am I an asshole for feeling this way? I don't want to break up over something so seemingly trivial, but I can't shake this uncomfortable feeling. Thoughts? | I have issues with my gf's tattoo's, but am afraid of bringing it up because I know it would destroy her self-esteem. |
t3_2682jg | relationships | Ex (23/m) and I (24/f) ended things very oddly. Should I reach out? | LDR for a year, together for 2.
The LDR just wasn't really working. We decided to meet up and really discuss our relationship and where this was headed. I had bought a plane ticket to visit him. A few weeks prior to the trip, he was fading out. He wasn't really talkative and would forget to text me back or to call me. I was getting really annoyed by this so I confronted him and told him that I no longer wanted a relationship.
He said he agreed that it wasn't best for us to continue but still wanted to be friends. He said he was just waiting for the right time to talk to me about it. This made me angry because I didn't want to go all the way out there on the assumption that we were going to try. He said no hard feelings but that LDR's suck and he was done with that. I said I didn't feel the same for him anymore so that's fine. This conversation was so short. We were only on the phone for a minute. We discussed nothing.
He hasn't tried to get in contact with me or vice versa for a few months. I've been casually dating here and there. I can't say if he has or not. Probably has. However, I feel kinda weird about the whole thing. Yes, I did deny his friendship but only because I was so mad that he kinda faded out.
Any suggestions? I'm not really sure what I'd even say. I don't want to get back together but I wouldn't be against being friends or being civil at least. It's just odd we don't even communicate or have each other on social media. It wasn't an ugly break up. It was just mutual. | Ex bf and I ended our relationship on a one minute phone call. Unsure if I should just leave it go. |
t3_2ljckq | offmychest | Fuck you for giving me special treatment, all these years later it hasn't paid off. | Around the second grade I was selected to be one of four other students taken out of the class by a special teacher to be taught at an advanced rate.
My teacher told my parents us four students were "among the smartest she had ever had".
I was consistently told I was exemplary and had a shining future ahead of me.
Now, my GPA is plummeting.
Thanks to second grade and my special treatment leading me to believe I was some sort of child prodigy, my study habits withered away because I assumed I could simply know all of the information. That worked until eighth grade, and then I blamed my faulting grades on my crippling depression. But now I'm staring a 3.0 GPA in the face and realizing all the promise I showed at eight years old is gone.
I'm being forced to develop study habits now that I should have in the third grade. I'm leaning towards becoming an "average" student and am rapidly falling behind in every honors course I'm taking. Worse, it's only the first term. If the past has been every indication, every subsequent term I've slipped more and more. If I can barely hold a 3.0 first term, what the fuck do second and third look like? And what about the years after that? | In second grade the idea that I was a genius child prodigy was put into my head and now I'm suffering because that's simply not true. |
t3_jcrjg | AskReddit | Hey Reddit, should I use Wii Virtual Console or my N64 or ??? for playing retro games? | A little background information: I'm getting a new T.V and would like to move a gaming console into the room which I'm getting it in. I've decided either to move my wii in there, my n64, or maybe just hook up my pc to the tv (my graphics card supports HDMI). I would like to play Majora's mask mainly, and ofc other games like paper mario and super mario 64.
So should I save money, move my n64 into that room (though I have to buy a new controller along with majora's mask, and a memory extension pack) or bring my wii over and jsut spend around ~$40 for wii points or just use an emulator and such?
note: I hate using a xbox 360 controller for an emulator, but the n64 controller is awkward. I really like the gamecube controller, which I can use for the virtual console I believe. | Should I use my wii, n64 or computer for playing retro games such as majora's mask, paper mario, etc. |
t3_2lnyc6 | relationships | Me [26f] not able to decide what the guy [27m] thinks | In this particular situation, the guy (lemme call him Derek from now on) is super emotional and feels way too much. I am not that much emotional.
Derek and me were in separate long distance relationships and were committed to our ex's. My relationship broke due to my ex cheating on me. At that time, Derek was my support and helped me a lot to get over the betrayal.
Derek's was the opposite case. He was totally loyal ( i actually know this for a fact) but the gal believed he was not. He was the centre of her universe and she got way too clingy and argumentative. That and repeated breakups from her end made him break up finally with her. I was the person he depended on during that time. After supporting him and making him feel a lil better I moved to a different place.
Derek and me met after approx 1 year of our breakups. Meanwhile, his ex had been in contact with him to patch the relationship and they had got back together for 2 months before the pattern of clingy behaviour started again from her end. This time they broke up and he followed the no-contact policy.
We met and it was an immediate connect. We got together and things happened and we got into a relationship really, really fast. I should make it clear here that he was not my rebound.
I am really confused about him now. He says he is in love with me and feels that I will be in his life forever. He also wants to marry after 1 year or so if everything works out between us. But, he also feels guilty of breaking up with the previous girl.
I am really confused about the guilty feeling and I am not able to get this.
Is my gut telling me right to take a step back and see where this goes? Or should I really get committed to this guy?
He is awesome and our talks are awesome. I feel a really really good connect with him. | The guy is feeling guilty cos of his past relationship's breakup but says he is in love with me. What am I supposed to feel? |
t3_t2473 | AskReddit | Is physical attraction important in a relationship? | I've been dating this guy for 6 years now and he recently proposed to me. I said "yes" cause he's the nicest guy in the world and I love him. Bbbbbut I am not attracted to him physically, at all. I mean I look at him and sometimes I 'm disgusted. He won't do anything about it. I don't think I could ever find anyone as nice and loving as this guy, I mean chivalry is definitely not dead in his household. So I feel like a worthless piece of shit cause turns out looks are important to me. So I wonder, will I grow to find him attractive? Other men hit on me all the time (I am really attractive), men that are absolutely my type... I even masturbate thinking of other dudes and fantasize during the day about other men. I thought about cheating or having an affair but I just can't do that to him. All my girlfriends like him and think he is the greatest so I don't know how to ask for their advice and not knowing who else to ask I thought the Reddit community would have something to say. Have you ever been in this situation or do you know someone who was or still is? Advice... anyone?? | I am engaged to someone I am not AT ALL attracted to, but that I LOVE very much. Normal or not? |
t3_44x5gn | personalfinance | Advice on worst case scenario financial preparations considering cancer | Long time reader- throwaway for privacy reasons.
I am in my early 30's with a spouse and 3 young children. I spent much of 2014 and last year in the hospital fighting a rare and aggressive stage 4 cancer. 80+ rounds of chemo, 30 radiation treatments and 7 surgeries later, I am in remission and plan to stay that way. My specific diagnosis does have a tendency to reappear within two years of initial treatment however. Knowing that, I'm curious what recommendations you all have to prepare for the worst from a personal finance perspective.
A little about our current situation-
-About $115K income per year between the 2 of us. I bring in 90% of that and my wife contributes the other 10%.
-We have 3 children under the age of 6.
-I have a life insurance policy in place from before cancer (in hindsight, I wish it was for a much larger amount).
-I have good health insurance and no medical debt from my previous treatment. At most, we will have $10K in medical expenses per year unless we try some type of radical treatment that isn't covered.
-I max both my spouse and I's roth IRAs and my 401K.
-We are in the US.
-We have approximately $100k currently saved for retirement.
-We have approximately $50k saved for a rainy day/medical fund.
-We have a mortgage (about 50% ltv) and a small car loan and no other debt.
-My spouse recently returned to school to get a bachelors degree in a very marketable field. Partly because she has always wanted to and partly because it's possible she'll become the sole breadwinner.
-We both have excellent job security.
Considering all this, what are some things we could do now to help our family's future and prepare for the worst (cancer re-occurrence and death)? Would I qualify for any private disability and/or additional life insurance? What else? | Had cancer, now I don't. It might come back and kill me. What should I do now to prepare? |
t3_3h2k6s | dating_advice | I (32/m) want to pursue a girl (20/f) who I met at her work. I didn't realize her age until now and I don't think she knows mine because I look young. Does the age difference matter? | I'm a regular customer at the Panera she works at. Obviously workers are paid to do their job and be nice. We started small talking after/during my order which eventually turned into regular conversations when there weren't people in line (as in 2-3 minute conversations). The conversations were her asking questions about me (work, etc.) so it's not as if I was the one carrying them on.
I quickly found out we worked out at the same gym. I saw her one day and said hi. She was very happy that I approached her. More small talk, her asking about my job, etc.
Bottom line is I'm extremely attracted to her....beautiful smile, beautiful eyes, etc. She's really sweet girl too. I thought she was in her mid 20s and found out she was 20 on social media. I'm sure she thinks I'm in my upper 20s at the latest (nobody thinks I'm in my 30s).
I'm not saying "until death do us part," but can a 12 year difference work? And how big of a deal is that to a girl? Obviously for guys...we typically don't care.
I'm not one of those creepy guys who looks for young girls either. I have always dated women within two years of my age. Going into this, I really thought this girl was 5-6 years younger than me.
Either way, can this work? Would a 20/f be creeped out once she finds out the guy is 12 years older than her? Thanks in advance. | I plan to ask out a girl 12 years younger than me (32/m) and didn't realize how much younger she was than me. Is the age difference too much/creepy? |
t3_2v1ydc | relationships | My girlfriend [23F] of 2 years tells me [22M] to get on top every single time we get intimate. | Me and my girlfriend are in a long distance relationship, and I only travel once every 2 or 3 weeks for a few days at a time.
Sex is not really regular due to this, but we used to have sex multiple times per visit. It's slowly decreasing in number each visit.
For quite a few months now (approximately 4), we've only been doing missionary. The last time I was with her she *told* me to get on top. It wasn't a question. She didn't force me, but if I refused I knew there would be no sex that night.
I've tried to take control and bring in new things, but every time I want to try something new she'll get turned off and want to stop. Even foreplay is kept to a minimum. A short couple minutes of foreplay and she just wants to have straight up sex. It's like she's trying to win a race.
It seems like it's either her way or nothing. I'm beginning to feel as though she wants to get it over with as quick as possible. I don't feel so connected as we used to each time it happens, and sometimes I even feel a bit disappointed (but I haven't told her that).
I've lost hope with trying to bring in new things, or trying to take control, because it hasn't worked. I just feel lost with this whole situation.
I feel as though my sex life is slowly diminishing, and I don't know if she's noticed it too. She seems perfectly happy just the way we are.
I feel as though I can't open up to her either, as she's quite prudish and I think she doesn't like talking about sex (She hasn't admitted that, but I feel by now as if she hates the topic).
What does it all mean? I don't know, guys. I just don't know.
Thanks everyone. | Long distance GF having less sex, only doing missionary, she doesn't want to experiment, feels like she wants to rush sex, and I think she hates talking about it. What does it all mean? |
t3_kfz3r | dating_advice | High School senior wanting help on starting his second relationship | Hello /r/dating_advice! I am an 18 year old male and I need some help. I have only been in one relationship and it was with a girl 2 years younger than me for a little over a year. So basically, I don't have a lot of experience when it comes to dating or girls.
However, there is this girl who is in the same grade as me that I am starting to have feelings for.
I am in a weight training class at my school and I only have 3 friends in that class. I am not too close with any of them (in the sense I have never hung out with them outside of school [Except for one of them, but that was because we acted in school plays together]) And they are all friends with this one girl who has a free period and sometimes hangs out with them in class.
I told one of the girls I am friends with (The one I am in all the plays with) that I thought her friend was pretty and very cool. So was very surprised and informed me that she too has only been in one relationship, and it was for a week, and could be argued as not a real relationship. She told me she likes funny people which she said was good because I am the president of my schools comedy improv club (Comedy Sportz for those who might know it) and told me that she has been to a couple of our improv shows.
She told me the best thing to do was to keep being myself and to get to know her better. Unfortunately, that's where I have trouble. I know this is not a unique disability for most people but I have not a single idea on how I should go about getting to know someone better.
Friends have said try talking to her, but that is also quite difficult for me. Whenever I see her, she is with people, talking. | I want to start up a relationship but I don't know how I should start talking to her or how to get to know her better |
t3_3mvfl3 | relationships | I (19M) have talked to my ex fiancee (18F) and need help. | So 4 days ago she broke up with me saying that she doesn't feel a spark when we kiss anymore. Two days later she slept another guy and after ignoring her for the last couple days, I messaged her asking if we could talk. Anyway, she answered some questions I had and called me on the phone for 5 minutes. In those 5 minutes we agreed we would meet at the lake and talk.
So time passed, I got new clothes, trimmed my beard and went to Starbucks to get us some pumpkin spice lattes. Went to the lake and waited.. and waited.. she was late by about 30-35 minutes but eventually got there. She sat down and we talked about the new stuff going on in her life, as did I. Here I have my ex laying on me and talking about stuff, I broke down and told her how I feel. She cheered me up and told me she still doesn't feel a 'spark' with me. She snuggled against my arm and a few terrifying moments later, we kissed. This went on for the rest of the night. We made out a lot but she kept saying she didn't feel anything besides a friendship. So the night passed and we went to go get some food, then back to my place.
We went to my bedroom and we laid on the bed. Trying to cheer her up by this point, she's crying saying she wants to be with me but she can't cause she doesn't feel like I do. We eventually started kissing and it led to sex. Afterwards she said she felt something, she felt like we might be okay after all. We go to sleep and this morning she told me the spark is gone.
I told her that I think if we were to be together we might have to go back to the beginning and be friends and hope it leads to something else, she just nodded and said she doesn't think we could get back together. She says the spark comes when I kiss and hold her when she's sad and after sex. I need some help because I want to reignite the spark, I don't know if I can be friends with benefits. | Fiancee broke up with me, said there was no spark. She slept with another guy and eventually agreed to meeting me. We talked, made out, had sex and the next morning she said the spark was gone. |
t3_1zztvd | relationships | I [24M] am considering breaking up with my girlfriend [23F] of 4+ years and I need some perspective. | I will try to be concise. If people want me to elaborate on some of the details I would be happy to.
My girlfriend and I have been together for a long time, and now we're coming up to a crossroads. She's finishing up her Master's degree and will be looking for work soon. I just got accepted to grad school and will be moving across the country. It was decided pretty early on that she would come with me and find work wherever I went so we could be together, but now I'm not so sure that's a great idea.
This is because I can't say I'm 100% into this relationship, and I don't think it's fair of me to ask her to pack up and leave her friends and family behind for me if I'm not totally committed. This leads me to the main point of this post: **I have no idea if my reasons for doubting the relationship are even legitimate, or if I'm just being immature and need to grow the fuck up and accept that things won't be perfect.**
I mean my girlfriend is a great catch. We're good for each other in a lot of ways. That's what makes this so difficult. If she did something terrible or was a terrible person in general, it would be an easy call. But she's a great person, and we have a great, comfortable relationship. Am I being an idiot for throwing something so good away because of unrealistic expectations of love? Or are my feelings real and legitimate? How do I tell the difference? | Considering break up with my amazing girlfriend, but unsure if my reasons are legitimate or I have unreasonable expectations. Need perspective. |
t3_2ovqcr | relationships | My girlfriend [24F] and I [24M] have been dating for over 3 years without sex. Please help. | We are university students. I'm her first boyfriend and she's my first girlfriend. We have an absolutely rock solid relationship (e.g. we're meeting another's parents frequently / all our peers know for sure that we're gonna get married someday).
However we are both virgins cos we're rather conservative. Yesterday was the first time I asked her for sex, ever. She rejected me saying she's not ready. I obliged. What choice do I have anyway?
But is it normal for me to feel deprived? I mean I have waited so long for this and marriage just seems so far away! I know the morally right thing to do is to wait for either marriage or for her to be ready. And I won't betray her and cheat cos of this. But I really want to have sex with her oh gosh cos what if she does it with someone else first (though I trust that she won't, there's no guarantee she won't!) *cries* what do I do from now on? I dunno what to do but rant sorry! | virgin bf and virgin gf dated for 3 years without sex. Bf asked for sex for the first time yesterday and got rejected. Bf feels like crap now. I am the bf. |
t3_ezyw0 | relationships | In a LDR with a girl who doesn't enjoy me having female company. | So I've been in a LDR with my girlfriend for 2 years now. We both see it as very serious relationship. Things generally go fairly well the biggest problem has always been other friends.
To give some back story she used to only hang out with guy friends about a year into our relationship said friends were guys she used to be.. for lack of a better word, fuckbuddies with. Her hanging out with them and ignoring me during this made me uncomfortable. Eventually I showed her they were all assholes and using her so one at a time she stopped talking to them. I'm still blamed as the reason she has no friends.
Oh to clarify I'm 19.
Now during these 2 years I've yet to hang out with a single girl because it makes her uncomfortable, yet she's been hanging out with a bunch guys and I have absolutely no problem with that.
Now an old friend comes along (girl) and wants to hang out. And it is strictly nothing but two old friends catching up on like 8 or 9 years of losing contact. She wants to go to a rave >.> This is something new I've never done and it honestly sounds like a blast, but form my girlfriend's past reactions I know she'll be extremely unhappy about this.
But I'm tired of not being able to have chick friends. It should also be noted when i go to hang out with my guy friends that I've known for quite literally 11+ years, she throws a little mini-fit and will just sleep for the rest of the day due to her not getting her way.
What does reddit make of the situation? | I want to hang out with female friends and my girlfriend's jealousy won't let me have any part without upsetting her. |
t3_3yknxk | relationships | My boyfriend [18 M] and I [18 F] of two years have never gone on a date, I feel so used. | Reddit, <br>
My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years, high school sweethearts, each others firsts, etc etc. It's great, I really do love him. But recently I've noticed that all we do is mess around in his room, and it's starting to hurt me. When I brought it up, he reassured me I'm not just sex to him, but jeez. It's not asking too much to just go out and do things, right? I don't want to compare our relationship to other couple's, but when everywhere I look, I see classmates going out and doing fun stuff together, stuff I've told him I want to do, it really hurts.
I took him out to a local coffee shop earlier in the week and it was so awkward, then popped into a shop for 10 minutes, and he looked like he'd prefer to be literally anywhere else. It's scaring me. I don't want to lose him, but it feels like he's getting bored of me when we can't have sex. He says nothings wrong, but he's acting so distant since I told him I wanted to go out and do more things together. I'm not expecting holidays together, seeing as we're both living at home and only work part time jobs. But just to go out for a meal together at christmas? To stick the nail in, he told me he's going to a place I was excited about going to for months, but was unable to go due to financial difficulty, without me.
This is killing me. How is it that we've been in a relationship for so long, but never do anything? I've tried, reddit. I've really tried. Please, tell me how to fix this. | Boyfriend of two years seems as disinterested in doing anything remotely relation-like with me as he would be with a FWB |
t3_jwnju | relationships | Ascertaining what he wants me for? | I'm hoping someone could tell me how to approach this situation, since I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm 22/F, and recently out of a pretty long term relationship.
I started hanging out and sleeping with a guy I used to work with, 34/M. He's very confident, attractive, and I assume that he normally gets any girl he wants. He's the second guy I've ever slept with, the only other was the guy I was in the long term relationship with. I know he has a reputation of going after younger girls, so I assume that he's really only interested in me for having a good time. The problem is that I don't know that, and the slight bit of uncertainty makes me wonder if that isn't the case. I also think I might be different than most girls he gets with, but I think every girl who starts to get a crush on the guy she's casually sleeping with thinks that, so I'm trying to discourage myself.
I know the key to a 'good relationship' is communication and honesty, so if I wanted to have a good relationship with him I would make this clear up front. But, I think he's only interested in me for sex. And I never really slept around before, so I don't know if trying to clarify this will make it awkward. So tell me: is there a way to casually ask 'hey, is this just a sex thing, or is there a possibility of more,' or will that ruin this whole setup?
Apologies if this doesn't make great sense, I get nervous when I'm asking Reddit questions and tend to ramble. | can I ask the guy I'm having casual sex with if he's interested in more, or does that make it awkward? |
t3_3r8aqv | relationships | I'm (18M) in love with the one (18F) that got away | In a land far away, a beautiful girl and stupid guy meet each other.. Okay not really like that.
First day of "collage" I saw this beutiful girl. I walked up to here and without hesitation I asked if I could take her photograph. She said yes. That's how everything started.
A few weeks later she got my number somehow, and we frequently started texting. It was a wonderful time, and even erotic sometimes, this girl was full of surprises. Well one thing let to another, and before we new it we started dating. I liked her a lot, and accordingly to here friends she liked me even more than I could ever imagine. This was 2 years ago.
She had a rough life, with a dad that had deep alcoholic problems. This bugged her mind, and often made her sad. I always tried to comfort and talk with her about it. But it never got better for her. 8 months of dating went by and she still didn't feel good about her self or her situation. At this point I started doubting it would ever be good, and did the mistake of my life. We stopped seeing each other.
Of course I couldn't ignore her totally as one would do, since we are going to the same school, and goes to the same parties. There still attraction I think, at least from my behalf. A day never goes by without me thinking about her, and just want to hold her.
I try to contact her from time to time, and sometimes she replies but sometimes she does not. I've even done the infamous drunk call without result. I don't know if she has a boyfriend or not, but just knowing that would bring some closure I believe.
What should I do? Just try to forget her (and how does that work? I've been trying for a good 6-7 months..)? | In love with a girl I used to date. She ignores me, but I can't simply live a happy life without knowing what she thinks. |
t3_1wv00r | cats | Living with ferals -- any advice? | Hey Reddit,
I have been trapping and releasing feral cats for several years. Every now and then I capture a feral who is young enough to be socialized and then adopted.
Well a new family of feral cats moved in to the patio at my work, so I decided to catch them and get them their standard vet treatment. As part of my city's program, ferals receive treatment on Wednesdays and Thursdays only.
Well the kittens looked pretty young, so I decided to trap them early to start socializing them before the vet trip this coming Wednesday. I caught a cat within minutes of setting the trap. Came home, set the trap in my bathroom with the door closed, and opened the trap.
TWO kittens came out!! I had a sheet covering the trap and when I looked under it, I somehow only saw one!
They are extremely stressed out and are going totally nuts! They are flying around my bathroom and already tore down the shower curtain! I cleared stuff off the top shelves to give them somewhere to go up high, as well as some calming holistic medicine in their food (though I highly doubt that will do anything).
Every time I walk into the bathroom they flip shit. Usually when I do this with other feral cats, the cat quietly hides the whole time. They don't seem to think any of the hiding spaces are safe!
I recon they are over four months old now. Are they too old to be socialized? What can I do to make their stay in my bathroom more comfortable until wednesday? | Accidentally brought home two feral kittens instead of one. Both are extremely stressed and going nuts. Estimated 18 weeks old. Are they too old to be socialized? What can I do to help calm them down until Wednesday? |
t3_110usf | AskReddit | Workers of Reddit: Has anyone else had a breakdown while at work? | While working today (I work retail), I had a very unpleasant experience with an old lady. I ran up her purchases, which consisted of three packets of tissue paper, and in doing so, made a deadly mistake. I forgot to ask her if she had our store's perks card. These stupid cards don't do much at all except to add people to our mailing list and give them a 60 day return policy instead of the usual 45. They do nothing else.
Unfortunately, she decided to hand me her perks card after I had finished ringing her up and running her credit card. At this point, the card was useless, and I told her that I couldn't do anything with it, and that I was sorry that I had forgotten to ask if she had one. She didn't like that too much and said "Then you'll do the whole purchase over again." Now, on a good day, I really don't like people telling me what to do; I would do as they told, but I wouldn't be pleased about it. Today was different; I have been stressed out due to the start of grad school, I'm overtired, am getting a cold, and my anxiety levels have shot through the roof as a result.
After she ordered me to do re-ring everything, I felt myself beginning to lose it. My hands started shaking, and I tensed up. I didn't say anything to her because I knew my voice would shake. I start to go through a return process, but I couldn't think straight at all, like my brain had shut down. While I was standing there like an idiot trying to remember how to do a return, she decides to tell me to hurry up, as she was late for something. At this point, my manager (who was at the register next to me), comes over and starts apologizing on my behalf etc., while shooing me out of the way. I excused myself and went into the back room, where I immediately burst into tears, which turned into an all out panic attack. It took me around a half an hour to compose myself enough to go back out. | Girl under stress while at work gets ordered around by bitchy customer; has panic attack as a result. Is now embarrassed as hell. |
t3_13ywfz | AskReddit | What has some random person done without knowing to help you out immensely? | First off I would like to admit that I do have a little bit of a led foot when driving. I'm not proud of this and do try my best to control it. Anyways, today when I was driving home from class I was caught behind someone that was obeying the speed limit of 35 in a single lane road. I thought this was absolutely ridiculous and was getting incredibly annoyed, so I thought I'd just gun it and get around him by going in the other lane. The person behind me though, already had this idea. So as he was flying past myself and the driver in front of us I noticed a cop coming up on the right. However, the speedster didn't and was promptly pulled over for, I am assuming, reckless driving.
Looking back on this, both the person in front and behind me save me potentially hundreds of dollars in insurance spikes as well as a potential suspended license.
So my question to you reddit, is what has some random stranger done for you without even knowing it that has really saved your ass? | got stuck behind slowpoke in one lane road, speedster them behind me passed before me and got pulled over. Saved me a lot of money. |
t3_1yt4rf | relationships | Me [28M] dealing with my Mom's[48F] Depression | Hello all,
This seems like the right place for such a question, but if its not I apologize.
My issue, I guess our issue is my mom is severely depressed. She had a very tight-knit relationship with my sister and my nephew, which was abruptly ended when my sister moved away a couple of years ago. My mom has had a progressive slide back into a place I have not seen her in since the divorce. My relationship with my mom is solid, but nothing even close to what she had with my sister.
At this point I should also mention that me, my wife AND my stepdad are introverts, we don't socialize much, we both have small close circles of friends whom we see rarely and everybody in those circles is okay with that.
With the backstory now all laid out, my mom is now attacking my wife (through me, not a direct conversation with my wife, their relationship has never been bad, not the warmest but certainly not resentful) for snubbing her, or not wanting anything to do with my side of the family. This of course is not true, I mean the anti-social tendencies I could see how it would appear this way, but it is not and her accusations are making things difficult for me and my wife. I want to attribute this to her fragile state of mind, as well as just bad timing but I'm also worried if I ignore it it's just going to get worse.
I'm at a loss. My current plan of action is to wait a couple days, gauge my mom's statement of mind, and take her out for dinner with my wife and get anything and everything out in the open. Is this a good idea? I'm not a good people person by any stretch.
Thanks for the read, any thoughts would be most helpful! | Mom's depressed, attacking wife on very shaky grounds, unsure how to manage this and keep all parties involved amicable. |
t3_1xuulg | relationships | Is asking if I [17M] have a chance ruining my chances with her [17F]? | So, here's the deal. She's taken, but I do believe the relationship they have is collapsing (not 100% sure, though).
I've been falling really damn hard for this girl, but I've never really had enough balls to admit to it. Recently, though, I've given up on self loathing. If I have a chance, I want to know. If not, I'm out.
But, here's my question: do you think asking if I have a shot will ruin it?
Ultimately, I just want her to be happy, and if she doesn't want to be with me I'm fine. But I can't live another damn week not knowing if I'm wasting my time.
I know we're both young and I probably shouldn't be worrying about this too much, but it's been making me too sad to really enjoy life.
Shoot away. I'm all ears. | She's not single yet. I'm falling head over heels. I don't want to waste anymore time. Should I ask her if I have a chance or not? |
t3_d5uk1 | AskReddit | I'm making a self-modifying AI and need to be told where he should grow up. | FOREWORD: I know this isn't a trivial task and I do have a fairly extensive background in coding and system design... so even though I won't finish it and there's an entire industry already doing this, I only want advice. Save the attempts to dissuade me from getting over my head for someone less egotistical who will listen.
I'm about to (re)start writing an AI that can adapt to its environment and rewrite its own code. After a few years of mental planning and some recent jots, I'm realising I need a better environment for my little brain to grow in. There's no way I could write my own 'game engine' with my limited object oriented programming skills and time. I have been seriously considering "Game Maker" because of the simplicity of manipulating resources but I can't think of a way to make a 2D environment 'interactive' enough for a 2D bot to manipulate.
My dominant current idea is a top down 'game' where the AI can push/pull some objects and touching others will cause 'pain/pleasure'. Next best is a 'sidescroller' type situation where the AI is affected by gravity and can 'climb' by jumping between platforms mario-style. Both are limited in that there's only a couple of ways for the AI to interact with the environment: pushing/pulling/'carrying' objects or having them act as boundaries.
In short, I either need an exceptional idea for a 2D environment for my little AI to grow, a great idea for how a 2D bot could affect/be affected by his environment or a suggestion of any 3D engine that will allow me to have an entity reprogram itself (preferably by reading from/writing to external files). I've barely considered what sort of environment we'd have in 3D, but at least the little thinker would be able to push, pull, jump AND lift... perhaps.
Really, though, all ideas are welcome to make this less ordeal intellectually strenuous, and if no one has any better suggestions for an engine I'll just do it in game maker anyway. | Need ideas for a 2D 'game' environment for an AI to learn in (current: top-down, entity pushes blocks around) or a free 3D game engine that will support running code from files it can modify. |
t3_3z9f1x | relationships | Knowledge about another person's cheating is driving me and my wife apart | I am stuck in this awful situation with my wife where she is friends with a girl who is engaged and been with the guy for 7 years and the entire time has been having sex with her best friend. She is 25 and her fiance is 30.
My wife and I are both 23 and have been married for a year and a half.
I can't stop thinking about it. I need to tell him. And my wife won't give me the info to find him and tell him. She has a hard time making friends and she would lose this group of friends and her long time best friend who introduced them would undoubtedly be mad for a little while. She says it's not our business.
Laying awake right now angry about it and I learned about it like 2 months ago. The thought of him being made a fool for this long and him being committed to this person who is just humiliating him at every turn, it drives me crazy.
This is gonna get me divorced. | I have knowledge that one of my wife's new friends has been cheating on her fiance for years and I'm unable to let it go, but she won't let me tell him. Don't know what to do. |
t3_xfndy | AskReddit | iPod Touch won't boot up, anyone able to help? | My iPod Touch 4th Gen (which I got when it first came out) won't power on.
Last night, I put it on my table with about 30% battery and went to bed. By morning it wouldn't turn on, assuming the battery ran flat from notifications, I tried to charge it. Was on the charger for 30mins, and nothing happened. I went out for my day, came back 7 hours later, and plugged it in again, this time it worked, and went into recovery mode.
I tried many times to recover it, only 1 time succesfully but after that it crashed again, and I'm back to no power
Along the way I got error 28 and error 14 | iPod won't power on, recovery mode got error 14 and error 28, 1 successful recovery, but then crashed 5 minutes later and won't power on again. |
t3_1o3o0b | relationships | Is 6:30am too early to start talking on the phone in my older, semi-paper-walls apartment? This would be for online work, and I don't want to disturb my neighbors but I also cannot whisper or talk cautiously ([27 f] with my older, 40-something neighbor and N/A who lives above me & below me) | I am starting an online tutoring job and need to solidify my schedule with them. I basically only have the option of working between the hours of the morning shifts Monday thru Friday of 5:30am - 6:15am, 6:30am - 7:15am, 7:30am - 8:15am
and the evening shifts on Friday between 3:30pm - 11:30pm.
Between these hours I have to choose 10 "fixed" sessions to work. Each session is a little under an hour. I would like to work 6:30am - 8:15am each day, BUT I'm worried this will disturb my neighbor. I could care less about the guy living above me since they are constantly stomping around, but I just worry about the guy next to me (fortunately only 1 guy, since I'm in a corner apartment). I'm not exactly sure how well sound travels but I can hear the guy above me cough. My next door neighbor seems super quiet so I barely hear anything. But he's *always home*...seemingly retired or something.
My only other option is to not do the 6:30am sessions and just start at 7:30am. Is 7:30am still to early to be talking on the phone (it's actually a microphone headset) with neighbors? The main guy I'm worried about, in his 40's, seems really nice but I just don't want it to be an issue since I'd be doing it every day, every morning.
Thanks for your input. | I live in an older apartment where you can kind of hear neighbors. Is 6:30am (or even 7:30am) too early for me to talk on the phone for work without disturbing my neighbors? |
t3_2j9ugd | relationships | I [17 F] am best friends with my ex [17 M], is he falling for me again? | My ex and I are now best friends and love each other like siblings - except as we continue to grow even closer, he is starting to show some subtle signs that he might have fallen for me again. Should I ask him about it and risk our current relationship or should I leave it, as I will be heading off to college in a year anyways?
Additional info: I love him like both a sibling and a partner, and don't mind our relationship going either way, but would prefer the partner kind of love.
We have known each other forever and were pretty close before dating.
After the break up we stopped contact for a while but stayed friends.
We more recently rekindled our good friendship (last year) and have continually grown closer since this school year began.
We both care a lot about staying in each other's lives.
I believe that a relationship between us could work, but would almost positively have to be broken off when college time comes.
I can't know for sure if he is really headed in the direction of liking me again without asking, but asking would potentially risk our current friendship of he either doesn't feel that way or does and doesn't want a relationship
Any advice helps, thanks for your time! | Getting closer to my ex, wondering if he has feeling for me again and if I should ask him about it or not |
t3_12dezt | relationships | I [16] like a girl [16] that my close friend [16] is dating. I think he is degrading her. | Okay, so there is a girl [16] that I've known for over 5 years now that I really enjoy being around with. Freshman year in Highschool, I finally recognized my feeling for her. Sadly, one of my closest friends [16] told me he liked her, so I kinda backed down.
Skip a year, he's now dating her. I'm happy for them and all that, but as I become more "involved" in their relationship (from talking to them and hanging out with them I gather information type of thing), he is being a bit of a degrading dick.
My friend is the kind of guy who wants a girlfriend for physical contact and thinks that by waiting it out, he'll eventually get to 3rd base or more. Every time we hang out he talks about making out or trying to grope her. It gets annoying and I think that it's wrong to talk like that and have that mindset in a relationship.
I'm the kind of person who doesn't jump to people and really evaluates a person and gets to know them before wanting to date them. The girl and I are really close and have so many common interests it's ridiculous; political, religious, colleges, music, video games, etc. She even jokes about us being "soul mates" and we both have nicknames for each other.
Recently, myself and two friends were having a sleepover (one being the dater) and the friends were messing around with the interest over text. She got mad because of the sexual stuff they were saying, which I thought was wrong, and then he called her apologizing and blaming it on me and the other friend (half of which is true). I told her the truth later. Was that wrong of me?
The thing is, my close friend will just move on to other girls because he has even thought about leaving my interest for another girl. That makes me believe that he is using her as a safety net since she is his make out buddy basically.
What do I do in this kind of situation? Wait it out? :(
Thanks! | Close friend [16] is dating the girl [16]I like and he's kinda a scumbag to her and can/will leave her if he gets bored. |
t3_2bcs88 | relationships | Me [20 M] with my girlfriend [20 F] of 5 years, found out she kissed another guy, I dont know what to do. | Been dating my girlfriend for 5 years and we have had some rough patches like any other relationship but I recently found out that she had kissed another guy while we were going through some rough times.
During this period, she had met some guy named "Smith" and I suppose she became friends with him (really good friends). It hadn't occurred to me how close they had gotten until we had fixed everything between us.
After everything was okay I had strongly urged her to end the friendship with Smith because I had become extremely uncomfortable with the friendship and I had many suspicions.
Well turns out my suspicions were right, I found out she kissed Smith at least once and has hung out with him many times behind my back.
She constantly tells me that she doesnt talk to him anymore and that she has never done anything with him. I believe it is an attempt to ensure that I dont leave.
I dont know what to feel right now, Im so heartbroken and sad.. Im on the phone with her right now like every night and I can hardly talk to her. To her knowledge she still has no idea that I know and I dont know what to do.
She is my first and only girlfriend so please understand this is really traumatizing to me. I need some advice as I dont know what to do. | Found out my girlfriend of 5 years kissed another guy, now im completley heartbroken and I dont know what to do. Should I break up with her or not. |
t3_1cs76o | relationships | Anyone feel inadequate in their relationship sometimes? I'm (21F) in best relationship of my life with SO(19M) | This is hands down, the best relationship I have ever had I think, been together for almost 8 months. I can really sense a give and take from both of us, and sure we have our problems just like anyone else. But I've told people around me time and time again that our problem solving skills have been the best that I've ever had and it really feels like we can get over anything together. We're always about to talk about our fights and we both try very hard to improve ourselves in order to help each other and the relationship. Funny thing is that we're almost complete opposites. But it works for both of us and we love each other. He's been in a number of relationships before and he's completely sure that I'm the person he wants to marry. (Maaaaybe some people will say "oh you're young, being naive, too soon.. you cant know this early" but I trust him so much with his own feelings and mine, and he's not the type to say anything that serious unless he doesnt mean it.
The one problem.. is me. I know I want to be with him, no question about that whatsoever.. but there are times where I believe that I'm not good enough for him. I dont deserve the love that he gives me and how much he's willing to put into our relationship. HE says that this is due to the fact that I've had really shitty relationships in the past (pretty true lol) but I just cant get over it.. I worry that one day he'll resent the fact that he gives so much and I dont. He says that he never wants anything from me, and that I deserve the best because of who I am, and I try really hard to do whatever it is I can.. but because he doesnt need or want anything I feel like I ask for too much from him and cant give enough back.
Blah. | boyfriend treats me so well, probably best relationship I've ever had but problems arise from my own mind thinking I dont deserve what he gives me. |
t3_3fg4fp | relationships | I'm a [17F] who would like some advice about being friends again with first boyfriend [17M] | I first had a crush on my ex at the end of middle school. It was a typical 'school girl' crush where I had never spoken to him before and borderline stalked him. A friend told him and tried to set us up which just ended awkwardly (as you could imagine for middle school). In high school, we went to the same party and I drunkenly had an outburst towards him. Later that year, by coincidence, we were at the same summer camp and found we had some things in common and became friendly. He then asked me out on a date.
We had only been friends during camp but I had liked him for a long time so I thought "why the hell not". It soon became apparent we didn't know a lot about relationships or each other at the time and it dwindled after 3 weeks. He broke it off and I acted very immaturely, to say the least. After the break up, he admitted he was unsure if he had feelings for me in the first place and said he didn't want to be friends anymore.
Eventually, we both started dating other people and matured a bit. This year, the relationship has become more civil and the bitterness appears to have gone due the fact our friendship groups overlap.
I feel frustrated now because we see each other a lot due to our friendship groups and I'm unsure if it's appropriate yet (or if it ever will be) to start a friendship again. | very awkward history with first boyfriend. Both did some growing up. Is it a good time to try and initiate a friendship? |
t3_13wjeb | relationships | Posted in AmISexy, but I think my question belongs here? 21f dating 21m, feels like he's the only one that doesn't find me attractive. | Hi reddit!
I posted on AmISexy today, as I have always felt plain. I want to find a way to feel more attractive and confident.
I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now, as of October, and I feel like when we first started dating I was in a low point of attractiveness, if that sounds right. My hair was awful, I was a little overweight, and I didn't really dress well. As the years progressed, I grew out my hair and lost a bit of the weight. I feel good knowing that he wanted to date me because of my personality.
That said, I also want to feel sexy! Now that I have lost some weight and I wear better makeup and such, I want to know how I could be sexy. I want him to see me for the girl I can be, not the girl I was. I don't want to be cute!
Since I've lost the weight, I get compliments from other people...but not him!
This self confidence issue is ruining our relationship. I feel like he is constantly looking at other girls (which is fine) and then wishing he was with a sexier one (which is not.) I think if I dressed differently and behaved differently, he would see me as one of those girls.
When I talk to him about it, he gives me minimal input. He says that I am pretty and that I have boobs. Helpful as that is, I want to wow him! How do I become that kind of girl? | Now that I've lost weight and grown out hair, I feel like the only one that doesn't appreciate my appearance is that one that I'm dating! AmISexy post here: |
t3_xxa2s | AskReddit | I have been raised a Jehovah's Witness (much like the Mormons), and I am planning on moving away from my parents soon. I have some concerns involving college and would appreciate any help. | This is a throwaway because there are people from my religion that know my real account. So starting off, I am gay and this religion is strongly against it. They have a style of shunning where no one, not even your family is allowed to talk to you if you do anything against what the religion has set as laws. My parents put me in homeschooling and I have had trouble not being socially awkward.
Now I would like to get into a four year university, but this religion also has one of their rules as following a higher education is bad because of association from "the outside world." They have created an image of themselves as people who aren't part of everyday normal life and no one else is like them. I do live in California, but i feel the need to just get away from home and start taking life seriously. I would like to live in dorms and meet other people but I don't know where to start or how I would even pay for that on my own without parental support. I would like to pursue a career involving IT or Computer Science. To stay anonymous, I won't say my age, but I have already completed High School. Would taking loans out for everything, including food and housing not be best? | I have overly controlling parents that wont let me go to college so I would like to move out and experience life on my own for once, and I don't know where to start. |
t3_1abvpl | dating_advice | I (16yo male) am finding asking a girl (16yo female) to be somewhat difficult... | So, it's a guaranteed that she'll say yes to being my girlfriend, but I'm not sure how I should ask her. I'm getting hung up on the little things, like the wording of how I should ask her.
I'm not sure if I should say, "B, will you be my girlfriend?" or, "B, will you go out with me?"
I tend to think of the first option to be better, but then again, what do I know? I'm just really nervous and fearful of screwing it up for her. I know, I know, "*if she really likes me, then she won't care*", yeah yeah. I know she'll say yes, but I just want to make it special, and I've never had to do that before. I plan on taking her to the top of a mountain next to my house at sunset and asking her there, but I'm not sure if I should get her flowers, or something else small to make the moment memorable, or whatever. | I'm just a typical nervous high school student who needs advice on how to properly ask out a pretty girl, please help. |
t3_2atknj | loseit | Lost weight quickly; gained it all back! :O Please help. | Hi so I am a teenage girl and I have struggled with my weight my entire life. (Well since 12) I have never successfully lost very much weight. I am not obese by any means - BMI of like 23 or something. The problem is I hold my weight weirdly; it's pretty much all in my stomach and thighs. This bothers me so I've been constantly trying to lose weight and worry about it constantly. I work out a lot - 2 hour swim practice daily, and then either a biking session or interval running or cardio. My problem with my weight has always been my caloric intake. I eat a lot and I know I eat a lot.
ANYWAY. About 3 weeks ago I suddenly lost all of my terrible food cravings. Obviously I still wanted food, but I didn't feel like I needed it and I sometimes had to remind myself to eat! This was a wonderful experience and I lost like 7 pounds in two weeks. It was great! Unfortunately, after those two weeks, the cravings came back and since I wasn't used to them I fell harder than before and gained about 4 of those pounds back. This doesn't seem like a lot but it really shows on me.
I'm freaking out because I was so excited to be thin before and now it's not going to happen unless I figure out how I fixed those craving problems. I seriously cannot resist these cravings... I tell myself not to eat and I just do.
Oh my gosh that's like a book...
Anyway any advice at all would be helpful.
(Also I'm on the medication Prozac if anyone knows if that has anything to do with it) | Teenage girl can't lose weight because she has food cravings. They went away and everything was fantastic -NOW THEY'RE BACK!! :( |
t3_3zq8qr | relationships | Me [22F] with my long distance BF [31M] of <1 month might have to just call it quits because of this, but to do it now or later? | So my BF and I have known each other since late October when we met online, and we're crazy about each other. We started dating only about a week or so ago "officially" but it's already obvious that there are some pretty big discrepancies between what we both want in terms of our futures.
He's been working at the same place for about 10 years or so and it's become his career path. The only thing is that the company only has locations in a small area of the US and thus has him confined to that area pretty much as long as he continues to pursue that as a career option.
I'll be getting my bachelor's degree next year and afterwards I plan on getting a master's in the field, but the options are limited around where I live and I could potentially need to move halfway across the country or even Europe. I NEED this degree, just like he needs this career. But as I'm not scheduled to graduate until 2017, is there really a reason why we should break things off now? We get along really well and there are already some good indicators that this could be a great relationship, except for this kind of significant but far off obstacle.
The only thing is, if it's better for us to just break things off now, what would that mean for me for the next year and a half? Should I just not bother dating anyone, since I'm not going to be in this area for much longer? Or should I just see where this relationship takes me, and make a decision later, when the problem is more imminent?
I know our relationship hasn't been a very long one, but any advice could be beneficial not just for this relationship but for what I should probably be doing with my romantic life until I graduate, which is the main reason I'm asking at all. | Just got into a great relationship; both of us have very different plans for our future. Should we call it quits because we might have to break up anyway? Should I just not bother dating at all for the time being? |
t3_2xr23m | relationships | I've [18 M] started falling for another girl [17 F] but I don't want to hurt my girlfriend [17 F] | I have been dating my girlfriend for a little under 5 months now. We've had no problems. As far as she's concerned, we still don't technically.
I recently have met a girl who is really nice. The way she is has made me question my relationship. I've gotten bored I guess with my girlfriend. I love her, I don't want to loose her, But I just want something different.
This other girl is so nice, just all around what I want. I want to bring it up with my girlfriend but I can't stand the thought of hurting her because I'm the first guy she's really opened up too. I need some change, I like this girl, but I like my girlfriend.
I need help, and I can't open up to my friends fully because they don't feel what I'm feeling right now. A mix of confusion and just general bad. Plus having diagnosed depression doesn't help either. Please help me, I hate feeling like this. | I like my girlfriend, but another girl has made me question my relationship. Do I stay with current despite my feelings, or go with new? |
t3_25kee9 | relationships | Me [26M] with my girlfriend [22 F] of 2 years, I love her, I don't love her depression/anxiety issues that affect my overall happiness | Hey all. We moved in together relatively quickly (after a year) and are learning now that it's not working with our living situation. Her depression/anxiety has been on/off for the last 6 months, is causing an incredible amount of irrational irritability for her and spilling onto me which in turn causes her an incredible amount of guilt on her mood upswings meaning more depression.
I love this girl and she loves me. A few weeks ago she confessed (in a rare state of being drunk) that she thinks that I'm going to leave her eventually because her condition is so very difficult to deal with. I'm bearing a lot of guilt as well because I think I would be happier without having to deal with it - at least in the short-term. A time machine that would bring back the girl of our first year together... that would be magical, but probably naive. I see glimpses of that girl but it's a struggle.
It's a complex situation where now she's wanting to move out to find herself again and focus on her recovery while still continuing to see me. I'm stuck in a state of cognitive dissonance. I'm generally an extremely upbeat happy person and this situation is grinding me down. But I don't want to abandon her and a possibly happy future. Has anyone been through something like this? Is there hope, or am I delusional? | girlfriend is battling depression/anxiety for a long while now, we love each other, it's bringing me down and making me demotivated, is there hope? |
t3_k9pho | AskReddit | I have bad credit from identity theft and want to get a credit card for the first time... Any advice Reddit? | A little background: Apparently someone took out a huge loan worth a couple thousand under my SSN when I was around ten years old, and I had no knowledge of this whatsoever until about a year ago when I attempted to open a checking account. The bank manager was called over and told me that I couldn't because I had bad credit, which utterly shocked me since this was my first time opening any sort of account. After months of the bullshit of credit report companies (having to send in copies of various documents to verify my identity and nothing matching what they had on file since the shit they had were fake addresses, names, etc of the b*tch who used my SSN), I finally got to see my credit score, and it is pretty shit low. I asked if I could somehow have my credit score "start over" since it was identity theft, but apparently they can't do that and the only way to bring my score up is to get a credit card and make payments on time.
Since I am a complete nub here, do you have any advice as to what I should be looking for in credit card offers, what to avoid, and any other things I should know about credit cards, credit scores, etc? | I have shit credit because some b*tch stole my identity almost a decade ago, and I need to get a credit card. Wtf should I know/ do? |
t3_45m5dq | relationship_advice | I [20/f] am confused about my friend's [23/m] behavior. (Does he seriously just want to be friends?) | So we met on tinder. I wasn't really looking for anything in particular, and neither was he as we'd both just gotten out of long term relationships. I immediately found him attractive and we went out a couple of times. The third time we hung out we just watched some movies at his place and ended up having sex. I was fine with out relationship being pretty casual and thought that's what he wanted too. When he took me home that night we ended up sitting in the car talking for a long time and basically he told me he is still very much in love with his ex and asked if we could just be friends. I understood that and figured that would kind of be the end of our relationship. I am just confused now because he texts me nearly every day, asks to hangout, and is pretty flirty when we do hang out, but never makes any moves. When we hang out, we do flirt, but he doesn't make the same gestures as when we first met (doesn't open my car door, pull out my chair, etc). I guess I've "caught feelings" for him now. I'm a little confused because I have never had a relationship move from sexual to platonic and I'm wondering if that's really what's going on here? Any advice on what to do? It's obvious that he's not over his ex but I can't help thinking he has feelings for me. I'm interested in being more than friends but I don't know what to do since he already made it clear that's not what he wanted. | We had sex but then he said he just wants to be friends (and is actually not trying to have sex again). |
t3_u6n9e | self | Holy fucking shit, did I get ripped off as a student? | So, I bought physics textbook for my course of study, I paid approx close to $200 for it.
Now, I went to the publisher website and what do I see? A free e-book. That's right, the same scanned textbook available on internet to download and read with no charge.
I'm surprised. However, I'm thinking of keeping the book I bought because I'm able to read it physically and carry it with me but I guess I could always sell it to someone and get my money back.
And I'm betting that nobody in my class even knows that there's the same textbook available on internet for free, what a disgrace. | I paid for the textbook, the same scanned textbook is available on internet for free on a publisher website. MFW. |
t3_31pti6 | relationship_advice | I'm (19/M) ambivalent about being serious again or not with my first gf/ex (19/F). | We've broken up twice in high school before college. She broke up with me once because her mom found out we kissed (i cried like a baby), and the second time I did (cried a couple of days later). Everything was pretty smooth until senior when stress started to consume us (SAT, TAKS, College). I took on a lot of stress and her mother added to it, which led me to make my decision. We're both freshmen in college now. A month ago she started texting me again except she had a different number, so I didn't know at the time it was her. For some reason I decided I had to randomly chat this person up (my ex). Some time pass and I learn that it's her and I'm ecstatic about it! We meet up for coffee and started chatting like old times and pretty soon we're like we were before. Very flirtatious, sexually aggressive, and it feels like we connect. Now this is were you could say my ego and selfishness comes in. I feel like I don't want to commit to just her. I want to explore around and have fun. At the same time I feel like I won't get anyone like her again. I've told my friend about this and he said "it's because she's your first, so that's why you feel she's the best". I've also complained to him about how I wanted her back before this. Now I told him about this and he said "you wanted her back, and you got her back. Don't fuck this up." I blame the hormones and my boyish nature. | Had a history with my ex. Can't decide to officially move on or stay with her. Afraid of commitment and wanna have fun with other young women. |
t3_1uml27 | relationships | Me [30M] with my Ex-Girlfriend [31F] 6 years, Just seperated she owns the house. Want to divide contents fairly | We've split up. She owns the house that was bought in August completely. However we've lived together for nearly the entire 6 years, renting previously. During this time we've got all the essentials of running a home, TV, washing machine, pans, vacuum cleaner etc...
I have no desire for any share of her house, but as it currently stands I have nothing. Not a tea spoon! I believe it is appropriate to either split the items or buy each other out. I think in this case her buying me out is the sensible way forward.
To buy new I value the items at £2,500. I'm trying to find an appropriate number to suggest for the buy out. I am willing to concede that the goods were purchased roughly equally.
Should I ask for half the new value? Whilst financially I would have received my contribution back for the items, I feel she would be in the better position as she starts her new life with everything she needs and I start off with only half of what I need to pay for replacements!
Now, the complicating factor... we built up most of the stuff we needed between ourselves, unaided. However, her mother died during the relationship and she inherited a number of items (kitchenware and furniture mainly) that were better than items we'd bought. Our items were disposed of in favour of the inherited ones. I feel uncomfortable asking for a share of their value, but I would never have disposed of my items (some pre-dating the relationship) had I expected us to fail.
Help! | £2,500 of jointly purchased items (with an inheritance complication) / How much cash should I ask for if she keeps all of the items? |
t3_34xsjj | relationships | I (24/F) don't know how to get along with a family member (23/F) | The family member in the title is not exactly family but she is my boyfriend's younger brother's girlfriend. To start, we are very family oriented so we do many things with our families such as weekend dinners and birthdays so I have gotten to know her pretty well. To make it easier, I will refer to mine and her boyfriend's family as the E family.
The thing is, I've been to dinner just her and me before and we had a genuinely great time. She's very nice and an overall good person. However, what bothers me is that there seems to be this unspoken competition or rivalry between us when we are with the E family all together. She always needs to be the center of attention at dinner and show the E family's mom she is committed to the family by talking about how she knows them better or has inside jokes with them. She has skipped holidays with her family to spend it with the E family and she is skipping Mother's Day to go to E's family.
Another thing that drives me insane is that my boyfriend's best friend came over and she immediately took over the conversation and thinks they're friends now. She acts like she knows all of my boyfriend's friends and she doesn't. She always needs to meet everybody and be friends with everyone she meets.
To make it clear, she has a very nice family. They are very close and we have met them on occasions and she is always talking about her brothers and sisters and she is close and very kind to them.
I guess it just bothers me how involved she is to the point of giving up her own family for it. I am not like that. I value them but if it's Christmas, I will go over for a few hours and go home to my family. I don't sleep over their house as often as she does and she gets jealous when E's family's mom talks to me or my boyfriend and I cook dinner for his parents.
Is it a competition? How do I make it better? | my boyfriend's younger brother's girlfriend is obsessed with his family to the point of giving up her own and it bothers me how she acts in front of me like she needs to show she is more committed than I am. |
t3_n0x95 | loseit | [HELP] Confused about IF | * So I've been doing two things for the past two months: 1. Starting Strength and 2. IF.
* I am a 210lb, 5'10", male, 29 yo.
To begin with about 2 months ago I started doing SS, and then would do 15-30 minutes of interval runs on the treadmill right after. 2 weeks into the SS program I read about IF and thought, great, sounds perfect I'll do that too. I've been doing this "regimen" and have lost only about 3lbs. However I've gone from Squatting 100bs to 180lbs, Benching 85lbs to 125lbs, Deadlifting 100lbs to 175lbs, and Pressing 85lbs to 95lbs.
My clothes do fit slightly better and I can definitely feel the muscles in my legs as they are more pronounced. I am pleased with the progress I've made in the strength department, but have also wanted to see some weight loss.
That's where I thought IF could help...but I've delved deeper into and it seems that either I am supposed to give up the cardio on IF and just rely on lifting weights to lose weight, because essentially the cardio could be hurting my progress in strength and weight loss. Or potentially I should give up IF and SS if my goal is to lose weight, since these are both tailored to gains in strength with IF more tailored to those who are already...lean.
So, should I be giving up on IF and/or SS if my goal is to fit into smaller jeans and stick with a deficit of calories and cardio? Or can I continue on SS and IF, without cardio, and expect to see weight loss in spite of the fact that I am 25%bf, so I can fit into those smaller jeans? | Can I lose weight at 25% body fat with IF and SS while gaining muscle, or should I forgot about muscle and first focus on weight loss (even though ultimately want to do both)? |
t3_2u9yzi | relationships | I [18M] think I'm still in love with a girl [18F] from my past. What's wrong with me? | Hi I would like to start off by saying I don't know if this is the right place to put this but hopefully I can get some good insight so sorry in advance.
I don't really know how to start this. I keep thinking about this girl from my past and it hasn't been for a couple days its been for years now. The weird part of this though is that this girl is from way back. I'm talking elementary school. We would hang out everyday and talk on the phone for hours at a time for a good two years. However one day we stopped talking for some reason and then we never really connected again since she got put into a different Middle/High School do to districts.
The thing is though I remember so much of us from back then. Little things you know? Which is weird if you knew me because I don't have the best memory at times and will easily forget things I deem unimportant as soon as it goes in my ear. No matter what I do I can't get her off my brain. I can put it off for a few days or so but it still looms around back there.
What I want to know is what's wrong with me? Why do I still like her? I know it sounds completely crazy that I still care about a girl I haven't spoken too in years. I also know she's probably nothing like I remember her or is a different person. But no matter how much I try to convince myself that I'm being stupid and weird I can't help it.
I haven't told any of my friends or family this because I feel like I shouldn't have these feelings and I would be judged. | I'm still in love with a girl that I haven't spoken to in years and want to know what is wrong with me. |
t3_33vfjw | tifu | TIFU by using a massage chair | this actually happened 5 minutes ago.
I felt tired from driving so I find a rest-stop and low and behold, I see a massage chair. I had never tried this "InnoVative" brand before. I put in $5 for 15 minutes.
Here's where it hits the fan.
To start with, this thing is squeezing my legs. Hard. and I mean HARD. Just as I feel like I'm about to lose circulation, the headpiece starts.
There's 2 balls in it that are moving inwards, crushing my skull. It was a very painful experience. So then the back part begins, it's about 8 little balls flying in and out like punching my back.
Oh but nothing compares to this next part.
The butt part starts shoving this little ball UP AND DOWN MY ASSHOLE. I am freaking out at this point and want to hop out but my legs are stuck in this evil chair while it rapes me.
Awful. I'm making groaning sounds and about 10 people are staring at me. I mutter "It won't let me leave" and then continue to get my ass pounded by a chair.
This continues for 15 minutes, just an obscene and painful experience overall wouldn't recommend. Don't ever sit in one of these chairs | Got tired driving, stopped at a rest-stop, used a massage chair and had my anal virginity taken by a chair. |
t3_26s6em | personalfinance | Help solving a 35 year old mystery with a savings account | I am really hoping the collective intelligence here may be able to help me out with 35 year old mystery
**Background:** My mother opened up a Perpetual Federal Savings account for me back in October of 1975. Within the bank book it states that the savings account is representing share interests in Perpetual Federal Savings and Loan Associates and that: 'dividends are earned from the day of deposit and funds withdrawn earn dividends to the day of withdraw. Dividends are automatically credited to your account quarterly on the last day of December, March, June, and September.' She put money in the account up until May of 1979 when the divorce between her and my father occurred. At that point she simply didn't have the extra money to put in the account and eventually life got in the way and she forgot about it. In the late 80s (I believe) she went to go back to the bank located at 11th and E Street, N.W. Washington, D.C. only to discovery it had closed. She gave me the passbook some 10 years ago and from time to time I try to locate any information on the bank or if this money is still around but have been unsuccessful. I've checked all the unclaimed websites but nadda. The only thing I've been able to turn up (that may or may not be correct) is that SunTrust may have been the bank to buy Perpetual Federal Savings.
**Question to the masses:** Is there anyone here that understands the situation at hand and may have an idea of where I could go to find this money or what happened to it? I assume with banks, money, and the length of time that it is gone and the bank just took it. But you never know, right? I mean 35 years with of interest/dividends may be floating out there so I at least have to check until definitive proof it is gone is located. Any help, advice, assistance, or smart remarks are welcome. TIA. | Mom opened up a Perpetual Federal Savings Account in '79 for me and I'm trying to see if it is still around |
t3_4cnlk8 | relationship_advice | [22/m] my girlfriend (20/f) has no ambition. Stay or nay? | My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 7 months. I'm 22 and about to graduate college with two majors and a strong GPA. I have a lot of goals in life and I consider myself to be very ambitious.
My girlfriend is 20 and she has no ambition. She decided not to go to college because she struggled in high school. She made this decision, despite the fact that she can go to the same university as me for free because her dad is an employee here. She switches jobs a lot and pretty much hates every place she's ever worked. (she had 7 jobs last year, I realized this when I did her taxes) Right now, she works about 25 hours a week as a restaurant server. She hates it, and can't wait to quit in a couple months when we are planning to travel North America for 4 months after I graduate. Other than that, she pretty much just hangs out with her old high school friends and smokes weed or she lays in bed and watches Netflix. She's always been this way, she didn't get her license until she pretty much had to, and she has never really achieved a goal that she set for herself.
Despite all this lack of motivation, she treats me extremely well and is a really good partner. We live together and have been for the past 5 months and things are great.
I've told her that I will not spend the rest of my life with someone who is not trying to grow themselves in any way. She pretty much said "Okay." I offered her a few suggestions centered on some of her passions which are cats and going to raves.
I'm planning to check in on her in two weeks and ask if she has decided what she wants to work toward, but I'm pretty sure she won't have made any progress since it's been over two weeks already and she hasn't mentioned anything.
My question is, do I leave her if she doesn't start making progress? Everything in our relationship is really great and I'm completely in love with her. But I really can't see myself spending the rest of my life with someone who doesn't have any ambitions. | I'm 22 and graduating college, my 20 year old girlfriend of 7 months has no goals or ambitions. Everything else in our relationship is great. If she doesn't start growing, do I leave her? |
t3_h4gwz | AskReddit | Anyone with keratoconus who's had collagen cross-linking done? | This might be a little long, so bear with me.
In March 2004, my eye doctor sat me down after ~6 years of rapidly declining eyesight and said, "I think you have keratoconus," which finally gave a name to all my troubles. He sent me to a specialist in the area, who confirmed it, and I was given the hard-soft contact lens to try out. I was 12.
A year later, it had gotten a little worse, and I was given RGPs (rigid gas permeable, or hard contacts). Fast forward to spring 2010. My eyes, after seemingly stabilizing for a while, have started to decline again, and my eye doctor basically tells me, "You're young and you might want the use of your eyes for the rest of your life." He sends me to another specialist, who, after examining my records and doing a few tests himself, says, "You've got scarring on your right cornea. That needs to be treated or you're looking at a transplant." Then he tells me I need to get collagen cross-linking done. Soon. I saw this guy yesterday.
Dates haven't been set, but I'm going to get my right eye treated for the scar and and then have the C3R done on it, same day, in late June/early July. My left eye will be treated in the fall. So. What I'm asking here is:
* What are healing times like? How long did it take for you to see properly/well enough to function again?
* What was your vision like after?
* Is there a significant amount of pain? What's it like? | Getting C3R done in month and a bit to treat my keratoconus. What's it like? |
t3_3bkzgv | relationships | Girlfriend [20/F] is angry with me [23/M] for numbers of previous sexual partners. | Hi there,
So, to start thing's off, I've had 7 previously, and she has 0. I was her first. We've been in a relationship for a bit less than 2 years (around 22 months to be exact), and every once in a while, she'll get mad at me because she gets reminded (through conversation, facebook, mentioning of my past in certain contexts) that I've slept with other people in the past and gets furious at me because of it.
I've already tried to calm her down about it countless times, and no dice. I've shared detailed information (under her request, at the time we thought it might help...) about past experiences, which has dont nothing but make her angrier. Sometimes when she goes out with her girlfriends she'll drink a bit, somehow get reminded of it, and call/message me saying how much I ruined her night because she can't stop thinking about it.
What do I do? | Girlfriend of almost 2 years who lost her virginity to me is angry because I've had sexual experiences before her. What do? |
t3_zm78t | jobs | I need career input, please. (science v. law) | I'm a 22-year-old with a BS in environmental science & policy. The plan was always law school but after graduating and spending the last 9 months as a paralegal, I don't think it's for me. I was admitted to an MS program in environmental science (state school) and could probably pull a full ride (graduated with the highest GPA in my major, blahblahblah). So now, I'm considering it.
Does anyone here work in environmental science/consulting/geology sectors and have time for me to pick your brain? The school I was admitted to offers a certification as a professional geologist, so I'd probably go that route or something else technical like GIS. For my bachelor's I leaned toward the policy side but also enjoyed (and excelled in) the sciences.
I just want to do something that offers a 50/50 or so split between time in and out of the office, grants the opportunity for travel and doesn't require sitting in an office 7 days a week pushing paper (aka lawyer). I'd also like it to be in an industry that isn't in a tailspin toward becoming obsolete. | I think I want to switch from a legal career to one in the sciences, how do you suggest I go about it? I'm also open to getting an entry level job instead of more education. |
t3_3nre9y | relationships | Me [18M] and my girlfriend [18F] barely talking and I feel non existent. I feel like I mean nothing to her now. | So we've been dating about 9 months but around 4 months in she [18F] switched to full time work and became distant and we barely spoke let alone saw each other (once a week if not once a month). I [18M] addressed her about it and told her how I felt about the lack of communication and she said she'd try and be more active in our relationship and interested but now it seems to be repeating.
This started again in August, where she's going out and doing all these things with her friends and family such as going to the gym, zoo, dinners out, movies but never shows any interest in me or just tells me she can fit me in (see me) before she has to go do something important or when she has figured out if she's doing anything with anyone else. I feel like she's making excuses saying she's always busy although she still meets with friends and now she's decided that she's gonna do something (e.g. gym) with her cousin in the evenings 3 times a week as well as her dancing twice a week I feel she's just filled up all her time in the week with everyone else without even considering me or show any interest in us as a couple. But when we get a specific time to meet, say watch a movie at mine or hers, she seems really relaxed and happy how things are. | Girlfriend feels distant again and doesn't seem to show any interest. Always saying she's busy but still goes out and does things with other people. I don't know whether I should just end it or try work things out again. |
t3_r9ze8 | AskReddit | How do I make my cat love me?! | We got our cat about 3 years ago, it was a loud kitten. It lived with my sister in her small Manhattan apartment. When the cat became too much work / she realized a studio was bad for little tabby, she gave the cat to our parents. It has since been declawed (sorry, we were new with animals, our first, so we didn't know any better). We pick her up all the time and kind of treat her like a sibling (my parents treat her like a baby). Shes pure house cat and is actually afraid of the outside ( runs from open doors, loves looking out windows thou) She hangs out with my mom all the time, sitting near her while my mom uses her computer. She never hangs out with me and when I move her to my room she just kind chills for a minute and walks away. How do I get the cat to love me! | Have family cat, want it to hang out with me, it doesn't want to hang. How do I make cat love me? C'mon reddit, I know you love cats and can help. |
t3_2dtg6q | relationships | Me [21/F] can't find a job right now and my BF [24/M] isn't being understanding or supportive | I have been with J for almost a year and a half now. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter from a previous relationship whom we both love dearly; however this isn't the point of my post. My problem right now is that J and I decided to pack our belongings and move to a new state in June. It's been hard on us financially. He found a job as a security guard pretty quickly but I have had absolutely no luck. I've been a stay at home mom since I was 19 so I have NO job experience. It seems like NO ONE wants to hire me because of that. I have been turned down and hung up on after the person said, "Sorry, I need someone with more experience."
So not only am I being turned down one after another, J is not being understanding. He is calling me lazy, worthless, a bitch, stupid, a gold digger, a moocher... basically anything you can call someone with no job. It hurts a lot. We're both in dire need of money to pay our rent. His security job only nets him about 1200 a month. Our rent here with all utilities rounds out to $1000
.
Background: J and I lived together in our home state and I was on state assistance, and we managed to split the rent and that is how we paid for it previously. We moved to this new state because he has family here and it just seemed like a better opportunity at life. We were originally staying with his mother but things fell apart with her husband being really violent/anger problems and we were kicked out and forced to stay in a hotel for a week before we could find a place to take us.
His grandmother paid for the first two months of our rent here because it should have only taken two months for us to both get jobs. I can't get cash assistance here because I was already getting it in my other state but I do have food stamps right now. | My boyfriend doesn't understand that it's not that easy to just "get a job" I'm trying really hard and it's just not happening right now. |
t3_2ba1e2 | relationships | I (19M) have been dating my GF (17F) for 3 years now....wondering where to go from here | So yeah. That. We've been together for a long time now and really haven't had any relationship problems even now. I guess I just wanted some commentary/advice on how to nurture this.
It started the summer before my junior year and her freshman year. Long story short: we worked at the same place, a temporary summer job. I rigged a bunch of shifts to be with her after the first one (stalkerish, I know). Eventually I asked her out and she said yes. I know what a lot of people may think up until this point: 2 years older may be too much, it may not last, etc.
Fast forward about 3 years, here we are, with her about to enter her senior year and me about to go to my sophomore year of college. We live in the same city btw and I go to a college in the same city.
In the past year I became a little bit more needy than usual and I expressed this to her. She told me she understood how I felt and that she honestly was giving me all the time she coyld. She has an extraordinarily busy schedule.
We ended up resolving that problem because we agreed that our happiness was not contingent on the presence of the other at all times. We agreed that we would find ways to be happy even when the other wasn't around. This helped immensely. We're still going strong.
Now, here comes stuff we've been talking about.
Preface: we have gone no further than 3rd base and thus have never had sex. We talk about it a lot though. She has expressed repeatedly that she refuses to even consider it at least until she graduates.
So I guess what I'm asking here is....what now? Where should I go from here? How do I help nurture a relationship like this? Feel free to ask any questions. You won't offend me with any questions at all. The only advice I will ignore is to break up, because I see no need for it.
Thanks for reading! | GF of 3 years, I'm a sophomore in college and she's a senior in high school. Wondering how I can simply nurture a relationship with her. |
t3_hbpjm | AskReddit | When boom mic's are seen in the movie at the theater, who's fault is it? | I recently went to the movies and to my dismay saw many boom mic's peeking down from the top of the screen. I decided to do some research and found many accounts that said it was the projectionist's fault. However nothing conclusive from a reputable source. My roommate has been a manager at an AMC theater for 2 years and claims to have never had a complaint. He won't accept Roger Ebert's claims in multiple books nor will he accept the projectionist accounts on multiple forums.
I am mostly convinced but my roommate just can't accept that it is the projectionist's fault. He believes that no large film company would send out film with so many problems. | Saw many boom mics. Attributed to projectionist. Can't convince roommate who is manager of 2 years at a theater. |
t3_ldx4p | AskReddit | Should I exact my revenge? | Backstory:
So tonight I was hanging out with my friends and we were having a pretty good time. While we were talking outside in front of my house, these girls drove by slowly saying stuff like, "Is this where the party's at?" and generally just being stupid. So that was kinda whatever, haters gonna hate. They came back again driving faster and just cussing us out, again whatever, haters gonna hate blah de blah. Later still, they come back, drive past us quickly, and throw drinks at us like a bunch of assholes. Around the time we start heading out they come back one more time and throw more drinks at us. We noticed though, that they go to our school, and another one of our friend's helped identify whose car it was and what model and make it was. So I'm asking you Reddit, should me and my friends fuck with their car and exact our revenge? Or should we just take it in stride? | Bitches drove past us, threw shit at us, we found out who they are, should we fuck up their car?* |
t3_102cfd | dating_advice | Just met a girl, not sure where her head is at. 21[m] | So I met this girl a few weeks back because we live in the same apartment building. We hit it off really easily and as it turns out we had a lot of things in common, it was pretty cool. I was under the impression she was seeing somebody.
Flash forward, I find out that the person I thought she was seeing was gay (i'm not good with signals. Different post for a different day) and so I call her and we meet up for a drink, a few weeks after first encounter. We have two drinks, head back to my place, talk a bit, and sleep together, the chemistry works really well, as far as I can tell, both parties enjoyed themselves. The next morning we fool around a bit and then she leaves, we make plans to hang out that next week.
We text once or twice throughout the next day, then today, I started receiving no reply back, and as a child of the iphone era, I know exactly how quickly you know you have a text, so at some point, shes gotta be ignoring me. But I'm not stupid, so after the second text in a day goes unanswered, I stop bothering her and what not. It seemed like things were going well and I was really hoping to get a date out of this whole situation but now I'm not so sure. My questions are:
1. Is she even still interested?
2. Should I text her tomorrow about the plans we made for that night? | Everything seemed fine but now she's not answering contact and we're suppsoed to get dinner tomorrow, do I just let it go? |
t3_44hggo | relationships | Me [20 M] with my girlfriend [19 F] of 10 months, has snapchatted a guy everyday for over a month. | My girlfriend has snapchatted a guy (a good friend of mine) everyday for at least a month (possibly more) and if I say anything about it she calls me controlling and insecure.
While that may sound a little crazy, she has also said (on numerous occasions) that my friend is attractive, which leads to the back story. She pulled almost the same thing with me. I was friends with her, she was dating a friend of mine, they broke up and we started dating.
She didn't talk/snapchat/etc my friend prior to us dating.
I told her I was uncomfortable with this, only to find she continued to snapchat him everyday.
Which leads me to where I am now, what do I do reddit? | gf snapchatting guy she has told me she finds attractive for at least a month straight, as in everyday. |
t3_4lht7o | relationships | I [22M] have just realized I am actively but unconsciously looking for a girlfriend to replace my mother | I was raised in a loving family, but spent lot of time with my mother. She is a housewife, so she's always been around for me. I believe this has fucked me up a lot. She is very strict, stern and bossy, and I've learned to cope with that my whole life by making sure she is happy and I'm not doing anything that upsets her.
Now I'm having problems with women. I feel insecure, unwanted and deep inside me I still believe I must do everything I can to gain a woman's love, usually by neglecting my own needs and pouring all my effort in her happiness. Besides, sometimes I feel I'm deeply immature, and need someone to lean on, someone to take care of me, to understand me and share my life with.
I've had a 3 year relationship with a girl, who was clearly a lot like her, authoritarian, bossy and needy. Almost a year after we broke up I came to realize this, and It's fuckinng me up real bad.
I've considered therapy, for everyting I'm writing here could be just nonsense and maybe I don't really have a problem, but I'd like some oppinions on this subject.
Is there a way to break this vicious circle? How could I really improve and change myself to open up to differen types of persons, and not keep falling in the same kind of nearly abusive relationships? | authoritarian mother, I keep looking for abusive relationships, constantly looking for someone to lean on, unconsciously looking for a mother replacement in potencial female companions. |
t3_4edavo | relationships | Me [18 M] with my Girlfriend[17 F] 9 months, taking a ''Break'' | I've been having a great relationship with this girl, completely out of my social cirkle, and lives around 100km away, witch only made it possible to see eachother once or twice each month, with the cost of trains and need of time, with work, friends and sutch.
She recently started at a boarding school type of thing, because she is having some anxeity problems and coulden't handle college/highschool. She became very distant, and we only talked shortly in between the days, and it was mostly negatively since she ignored me most of the time, and I was very upset.
Later a weekend she told me she cheated on me, only kissed and holded hands with a guy, but she regretted it so much, and told me that she was so insecure, and needed someone to feel ''safe'' with.
I stayed with her, I love her like a fool, and I probably shoulden't have.
Last night she told me we needed a break, she needs to not worry about our conversation all the time, and focus on the school (lots of free time, so she wants to focus on the social aspect). She wants it to be complete silence for two whole weeks, then speak and figure out if she wants to be with me.
I think the break is really childish, and a way to drag out the process of a breakup, if that's what she really wants.
What is your thoughts, what should I do? | Girlfriend told me we need a break, because she needs to focus on her school/social life. I don't think breaks work, and just want an answer if we should stay together or not. |
t3_1m9kcx | AskReddit | What is the dumbest thing you've ever been falsely accused of doing? | My story: I was a senior in college and was at a small party at an apartment. I wouldn't consider the hosts as friends, more of as acquaintances. There's about 15 of us there and my friends and I are just chilling in the kitchen. I brought a few beers with me but nothing more than like a six pack.
Eventually a few of us leave and I leave my beers there cause they were good hosts and such. I find out a day or two later that they were angry with me. Apparently my beers found their way to the oven and somebody turned on the oven the next day only for the beers to explode. The hosts immediately assumed I was drunk and it was me.
Now I had a decent amount of beers that night but nothing extreme. Plus my friends that were there are much dumber drunks than I normally am. Yet somehow, I got accused, and two years to the day later still am accused, for something I had no part in. | My beers exploded in oven. I left them in the fridge though. Still accused to this day of purposely doing it. |
t3_38q7ix | tifu | TIFU by arriving early to work | First some back story. I was just hired as an intern for my school district as one of two pilots for this brand new student internship program that the superintendents set up. We were hand selected by our district superintendents and placed in the technology department to work as summer help. We started Monday of this week.
When technology comes into work, we have a separate back entrance in our main administrative building for easy access. Note that we can't see the front of the building when coming into work.
This morning I woke up early and got ready early so I could come in to work about 20 minutes early like a good intern. As I walk from my car to the back door, I notice that the hall lights are out, but I didn't mind because I thought custodial hadn't gotten around to turning them on. I scan my badge, the door opens, and I start on my way to the office. Right as I reach out to grab the door handle, I hear beeping. I turn around and it's the alarm system that I didn't know existed. It wanted a code (which I didn't have). So I run down the hallway to the front of the building where Reception is. It's completely dark. I look out the glass facade of the building and see every parking lot completely empty. By now he actual alarm has started ringing like I had robbed a bank and the police were on there way. I realized I was screwed so I just walked out the front door and waited for the police, or someone, to arrive. After a few minutes, several cop cars showed up and all of the officers got out to check the disturbance. I had to give them my badge and they questioned me. After a while, one of my coworkers showed up and disabled the alarm. As it turns out, a limited number of tech employees work on Fridays and we're the only ones in the building for the entire day. None of my bosses were here today which was good. But come next Monday, I think I'll have to meet with my boss and the technology superintendent to get this cleared up. | I started an internship this week and wasn't told there was an alarm. So when I showed up early to work this morning, it went off and called the cops. |
t3_1sdut6 | AskReddit | Who was your coolest teacher/lecturer at school or college and why? | As I explained in a thread just a moment ago, my Maths teacher while in school I didn't really like. She was very strict and not pleasant to look at, as a teenager this was a good reason to dislike someone. She also seemed to have a problem when I corrected her mistakes on the board, I wasn't smarter than her obviously but all teachers make mistakes and I'm sure it's best for the class if they get fixed.
Anyways, when it came to coursework I was lazy, my time out of school was more importantly used hanging with friends and trying to get with chicks... but coursework needed to be done, it was 25 - 50% of your final grade depending on the subject.
When I was a day away from deadline my Maths teacher actually stayed at the school until 7pm (School closed at 3:25) giving me 1 on 1 help with my coursework, that moment really made me see her in a new light.
After my exams were finished and I went to the school to pick up my results, I had the intention of opening them with my mother but with my Maths teacher there asking what I got I couldn't resist. I opened them and saw I got an A, she was almost as happy as I was. Without her I never would have got that A, and I made her aware of that too. | A teacher I hated stayed at school on her own time helping me complete my coursework, I got an A. |
t3_39d6xz | relationships | I (f18) met this guy (21m) on OkC, not sure if he's actually interested. | We started talking about a week and a half ago and really hit it off. We met up at an event in our city on Saturday but didn't talk much and went our own ways. So come monday, i went over to his to just hang out and cuddle. This led to sex, 3 times. I had a great time and am really interested in him. I would love to see him more often. Now, i consider myself attractive. I have a really pretty face, but I'm rather curvy and plump for lack of a better description. Still, attractive enough. People stop and stare all the time. He, however, is super fit, like a damn model. He pulled me over to cuddle with him and couldn't keep his hands off me. Like aforementioned, we had sex 3 times. I feel like if he didn't like me, he probably wouldn't have done that. He's not desperate, he obv has no trouble getting girls. Before we hung out, we talked rather often. Every day, multiple times. Now, contact is pretty much zero and I'm the only one initiating. My self esteem has went to approximately -1, because our first major time spent together was mostly fucking. Am i wrong in my assumption that he's not into me? Am i wasting my time? | met guy on okc, hung out and had sex 3 times, now basically no contact two days later. It's really not that long to read. Help! |
t3_3fob9s | relationships | I [21M] continue to have hope that my ex-fiance [20F] of 3.5 years will want to come back to me when she gets back from studying abroad. | I don't know if I should even be thinking this way, but of course I want to. 2 months ago she told me she wasn't ready to be married, and that she felt as if she had a lot of insecurities to work on before then. All we have done is argue ever since then because she almost has shut me out. She claims its because its hard to work on these things with me right by her side. She has also told me not to wait on her, because it is not fair to me. But I want to. She's getting ready to leave to study abroad in the UK for (up-to) 8 months, 4 months minimum.
The reason for the break up was this: she said she relied on me too much for happiness. She never had too many good friends in her life, and when I came along, I was the best thing, and she held on. She feels as if she might've missed out on meeting new friends because she was so afraid to go out and challenge herself. She has always been self-conscious, although she is the most beautiful woman ever (I realize that my opinion is biased, but I honestly think nearly everyone in the world would agree that she is gorgeous). So now, she is getting ready to leave for the UK in about a month and I have hardly talked to her in about a month. I miss her so much, and I feel like she misses me too, but she doesn't want to admit it because it'll make it harder for her and harder for me. I honestly feel that deep down she wants me to wait. But I don't know if that is just because it's my desire. | I don't know if I should wait for the girl of my dreams to come back to me, because she might not. |
t3_1sejws | relationships | Heartbroken over breakup with bestfriend | I (25F) got into a relationship with my guy (31m) who was my best friend in Aug. Things were great. we hit off really quick. we like all the same shows, interests, and music, everything. We were both getting out of abusive/horrible marriages so we had that in common. I am full time single mom of 2, and he had weekends with his 2 kids. we both worked full time as well as both living with our parents till we could get on our feet. Honestly, even though we were busy and life was crazy and things were ok. We had a talk a couple of months ago about how we needed to slow down and agreed. So honestly him telling me that he wanted to break up last night wasn't too much of a surprise, but im still very hurt over it. not that it happened just the way it happened.
Heres the issue. we both want to continue being friends. He is my best friend. we can talk to each other about anything. I want to be friends but dont know how to push this hurt aside. I love him and always will. i know he loves me but isnt in love with me. i think we will make better friends than lovers, but how can we make a friendship work after a failed try at a relationship? | In a relationship with best friend. He broke it off but we want to continue being friends. Is it possible and if so How can we make our friendship work when a relationship failed |
t3_1kvek5 | relationships | A platonic friend [25f] invited me [25m] to a wedding as her date, but I just don't want to go | My friend is going to a wedding in less than two months. It's the wedding of a girl we went to high school with - they're good friends, but I hardly know her (haven't talked to her at all since we graduated seven years ago).
I just don't really wanna go to the wedding. Not that I'd have a terrible time, but I can think of better ways to spend my Saturday night than with a room full of strangers, and a few people I went to high school with.
How do I tell her I don't want to go? | Got invited by a friend to be her date to a wedding of a girl we went to high school with. Don't really wanna go. How do I let her down easy? |
t3_46q4np | relationships | Am I [21 /M] normal? If no, how can I improve? | I consider myself a very career oriented individual since I always work towards my goal and try to improve myself.
I'm comfortable working with strangers in formal settings but I find it hard to mingle and involve with others in informal situations and funny activities.
No matter how much I try to be funny, I just couldn't do it.
That doesn't mean I'm a gloomy soul. I'm a very happy person with a good sense of humour. But being a very reserved person I am, I don't dissimulate my feelings easily. I have my usual introvert strengths as well.
Whenever I talk to others, I try to *really* listen and be friendly with them. I have only 2 real friends.
I have improved over the past few years socially. But this one issue troubles me.
**Do I have social anxiety? (Few online tests revealed so)
How can I be more friendly with others (or should I be? Am I deceiving myself by trying to be someone I ain't built for naturally?) | How can I be more friendly (esp. in informal situations) and get over my social anxiety (which I think I have)? |
t3_4iqnnx | jobs | Advice for applying internally at a University - life in general? | I'm an administrative assistant at a University and have been for almost three years. I've been working on my Master's for the past two years (will be graduating May 2017). When I first joined on, my plan was to get a degree and then find my way into HR somehow. Lo and behold, a HR Benefits Coordinator position has opened up at my University. I will not make much more money than I'm making currently, but I could get my feet wet in HR.
Thing is I'm that type of person who is for the most part pretty loyal to the people with whom I work. I'm concerned how I'd bring it up to them, especially since 50% of the staff is dependent on me. That and I'm afraid. This job has spoiled me with how much downtime there is and few responsibilities. It's an easy job that I do well and I finish my work quickly, so of course I'm afraid I'll drop this position to end up failing in HR.
Advice for not feeling like an unambitious, scared, lazy person? | internal job posting came up that falls in line with career plan, but afraid to leave people I like working with and more afraid of new responsibilities and failing at them. |
t3_4th0zh | relationships | Me [28F] with my ex [25M]. Dumped me after 8 months, and now I need to let him know not to contact me, how do I do this? | I actually posted about this before. Dated 8 months, he broke up with me because of distance, at least that's the reason he gave me. I suspect he just lost interest..
Anyway, now we live a 10 hour plane ride from each other (for the next 5 months). In the beginning we kept in contact - phone, messages etc., but I tried to tone it down, because it just made me sad.. However he won't stop contacting me, saying stuff like how he misses me and shit.. I asked him, 'then why the hell did you leave me?' and he is like, 'because we live on opposite sides of the fucking world now' (sorry for the cursing). I just don't know what to do. I don't understand his motive for playing with me like that. A friend said it could be he felt guilty for hurting me, or that he has trouble dealing with the consequences of his decision.. What do i do? I want him to leave me alone for a few months, so i can get over him completely, but I wouldn't mind being his friend after that.. Is it OK to tell him that? I don't want to cause drama between us, we have both been really good to each other in this messed-up break-up situation, and throughout the relationship, and I don't want to ruin that with a bitter ending, where I cut him off and seem petty. Am i being to nice? | Got dumpded and now I need my ex to give me some space to heal, because him contacting me makes me sad. How do i stop this politely without causing drama? |
t3_4byolu | relationships | Me [22M] feel like i'm undateable and its time to change this. Advice needed. | Me [22M] have been single pretty much forever with the exception of a few girls in the past in which i was pretty close with that almost resulted in a relationship.
I've been wanting to have a relationship for so long now but every time i go about it, i manage to mess things up and the girl usually ends up losing interest.
I wouldn't consider myself bad looking by any means but i feel so self conscious around women and tend to feel somewhat nervous when talking to people i dont know. I'm also a pretty quiet person and have been shy the majority of my life, which isually shows even when i spend time with my friends as i dont end up saying a whole lot.
How can i go about making myself confident around women and taking more opportunities instead of just letting them pass by and becoming more attractive to the opposite sex? | been single forever and its time i made an effort to find someone i would like a relationship with. Need advice and this seems like the best place for it! |
t3_2yh6jp | relationships | Me [33 F] with my mom [58 F] She constantly, constantly talks about deaths of loved ones, I can't talk to her because I'll end up depressed for the rest of the day | My mother has been depressed all my life. I am depressed also, but I am more active in trying to get better and heal and more able to live semi-normal day-to-day life.
Her mom, my grandmother, died several years back. Then, last month, her best friend died.
Even before her friend's recent passing, ever since my grandmother's death, it is completely impossible to have a conversation with my mom that doesn't eventually, usually within just 15 or 20 minutes, get around to talking about death and anything else depressing one could possibly imagine.
I get that people need to process these things, I really do. But I am not a therapist, I can't sit and listen to my mom sob and describe, in detail, the last moments of my grandmothers life as she sat holding her hand in the hopsital, then get off the phone and go back to work like nothing just happened.
And I most certainly can't do this over and over and over again. The other day, I brought an old friend over to visit with my mom, and she laid it all on him, too. It was awkward and painful.
At this point, I have given up trying to get her to get some help from a professional. She won't do it. She recognizes that she repeats these patterns but can't/won't stop.
My only options seem to be to not communicate with her at all or to find a way to deal with her depression without letting it affect me.
I'm at a total loss, because I don't want to stop speaking to my mom while she's in such pain. | How can I have normal conversations with my depressed mother, who refuses to get professional help, without shutting her down every time she brings up a sad topic? |
t3_2ficu4 | relationships | Me (F 29) Don't Know How to End 5 Year Emotional Affair with (M 41) Married Father | This is going on our 5th year of friendship. We became really good friends as coworkers, to the point that even our boss said we hung out too much at work and needed to cool it. I left almost 2 years ago and we still hang out and text often. I moved away last spring and tried to break things off then by ignoring his texts for a few weeks, but in a moment of weakness (had family stuff going on he knew about) I gave in and responded and we have been texting for a few hours 1-2 days a week since then.
Visited him recently and it cemented how much I feel for him, and how horribly guilty I feel towards his wife and child and the whole situation.
The problem is that I don't know how to end it because he is in complete denial that it is inappropriate. He says we have a brother/sister relationship and I feel like it's gonna freak him out when I say I have to end this because of my feelings.
I do have my suspicions about his feelings from things such as: he said he has more fun snowboarding with me than with his buddies, I was the first person he contacted when he had a near death experience (last I heard he still hadn't told his wife because he didn't want to upset her), and lastly he mentioned his wife questioning how much we've hung out and he got defensive and said she just didn't understand.
I feel so fucking guilty and at the same time it breaks my heart to think about life without him in it.
Any advice on ending this without confessing how much he means to me? I'm in another city so it would have to be over email or phone. | In what I think is an emotional affair and want to end it, but am afraid I'll freak him out because he just sees me as a sister/snowboard buddy. How do I end this? |
t3_35c7pg | relationships | I [20M] am in a new relationship [20F] and we've been together for 2 months, But I think I may miss my ex more than I like this woman. | So I've been seeing this girl I met in one of my college classes for about a month and a half to 2 months, and we have an okay thing going. She makes me happy, I make her happy. But She's the first person I've seen since breaking of a long term relationship of over three years. At first things were great, but as the semester is ending I'm starting to feel like I'm missing my ex from the 3 year relationship a lot more.
I just want some general advice, as I like this relationship and don't want to just end it, but I also wish I hadn't left my ex but I am like 99.9% we won't get back together, as she is seeing someone new as well and seems much happier with them than she was with me. I just can't get over her no matter how much I want to. | In a new relationship that makes me happy, but I miss my ex way too much. What should I do, is there a way to get over this? |
t3_2umjde | offmychest | You hurt me so, so much. I should have listened to my gut. So hurt. | You hurt me, so, so much. I just found out that you are now with the 17 year old girl that you told me over and over again that you didn't have any feelings for, even after I suspected that you had been flirting with her. Might I remind you that you are a 30 year old man and if you two have sex, you could go to jail not to mention you just lost the respect of many of the people that had any respect left for you. You lied to me over and over and over again that there was nothing going on between you two. I should have listened to my gut. You and I were together for over two years, talking about marriage, you were telling me you wanted to move in with me up until THE NIGHT BEFORE you broke it off with me, not to mention you telling me you loved me. I am so fucking heartbroken all over again and I can't do it. It hurts way too much. I will never forgive you for the way you treated me. | My ex boyfriend who is 30 is now seeing the 17 year old that he was flirting with when we were together and I caught him. Essentially he broke up with me for her. I found out from a trusted source. |
t3_3n5wl9 | relationships | BF [20M] downloaded Grindr and said all guys do it-- true? Me [20F] | So the other day I found out that my boyfriend of like four years had downloaded Grindr (shamefully I was looking through his phone). He didn't have a profile or anything but I confronted him and he told me that he looked as a joke and that all guys look up weird stuff like this. He said it was "just to see what the app was like" but that he is not gay or curious in any way.
Is the whole "all guys look at it" thing true, should I trust him, or should I try to talk to him more about it? Kind of freaking out and really confused | Do guys look at Grindr out of curiosity, or is my bf lying because he doesn't want to talk about his sexuality? |
t3_j502h | relationship_advice | Girls of reddit a recommendation ..... | I just got pictures of my girlfriend this morning in three emails.... it was hot. We have been separated for most of the summer, not broken up just she went home for summer. Without going into the subject matter of the pictures I'm trying to make a point, as was she.
That is an amazing way to get your boyfriend, not guy you are trying to date, to think about you and have it burned into his mind. I have been texting with my GF all morning now, all I can think about is her.
I would like to do something back, but a picture of my dong seems... narcasistic and cliche at best. I have been trying to reassure her how much she turns me on. That seems to have made her happy but, I want to do something more... | My GF sent me pictures of herself, and it was really sexy(both the pictures AND the idea) and If you are in a committed relationship I recommend it, I cant stop thinking about my GF now :D |
t3_13oxuq | relationships | Is it too soon to ask where my SO (20m) and I(18f) stand? | I am not the relationship type of person at all and usually prefer being single. However, recently, my friend of 3 months and I began to see each other. We make it clear that we both really like each other and I don't remember the last weekend I didn't sleep at his house. I'm not sure where this relationship is going but I'm curious. I want to ask if we're exclusive or if we're still allowed to date other people. I don't mind being exclusive but I don't just want to think we are while he's hooking up with other girls. It's been a month and a half that we've been romantically involved which doesn't seem like a lot of time, but we do spend a lot of time together. I don't even care if he wants to start being serious or not, I just want to know! Do you think it's too soon to ask? | My SO and I have been romantically involved for a month and a half. I want to know if we're exclusive or not but I don't know if it's too soon to ask. |
t3_1u3e8g | relationships | I [20m] want to be single and have fun but i don't want to break up with him [20m] | Just by the title I can tell how much of a horrible person I come across as, but let me explain myself.
We've been together for little over 9 months now and lately this is how I've felt. I just feel as though I'm losing a part of who I once was, and even though I was 19 at the time and weren't a full person I miss who I was.
I feel like things have moved too fast and even though I'm happy with my relationship I miss being it just me, just me on my own not having to share what I have and not spending all my time with someone, not having to look good for another person, making an effort and a lot of things.
But the last 9 months have been amazing, I've loved every second of it, having someone there for me, being there for someone, having someone to spend the summer with, having someone to sit in and watch films in the cozy house during the last few cold months and a lot.
But things are starting to get a bit too real, this is my first relationship and I love him, at least I think I do. And if I were to be single I don't know what I'd do without him, who I would spend my time texting and talking to and watching films with and bickering over whose music sucks and whose is better.
I feel awful for feeling like this. I'm being selfish and stupid but even though I'm happy with my relationship I just want something else. Do i see myself with him for a long time? At one point I could have answered that in a split second but right now I don't know. I want him, but I want to be my own person and party do what I want without the repercusions of hurting another person.
I just want to be me again, but at the same time I want him. | I want to be single and do the things my single friends are doing, but at the same time I don't want to break up with my boyfriend. |
t3_1w1nn9 | relationships | Got back together because he [25] felt sorry for me [28]. | My BF ended our 4 year relationship about two weeks ago. It hit me really hard and I send him pretty pathetic text messages. So...he started talking to me again and we went right back into the relationship.
Yesterday he sent me a text that said he gets a panic attack every time I call him. (But he can call me??) So my response was that I would stop calling him. This blew up into a fight last night in which he said the only reason he started talking to me is because he felt sorry for me. I guess that's why he initiated sex, hugged me, and asked me to bring him lunch too?
Part of me knows that I deserve to be treated better but the other part of me loves him. It's like I'm addicted to our bad relationship.
Now today there has been no contact but I want to call him but I'm not going to. | Boyfriend and I got back together because he pitied me. I need to get it together and stay away from him. |
t3_3o03dr | relationships | I [26 F] have never dated before. I've been asked out by someone I'm not attracted to. | I'm 26, and I've never dated before. I've been asked out and even pursued on a few occasions, but I declined because I wasn't romantically interested in them. Recently, my friends got me thinking that a part of me will never "grow up" without having had any relationship experience. They think I haven't liked guys (or girls) before because I put up a wall around me when it comes to dating.
My friends are getting married, and some have children. My coworkers don't approve of my self-proclaimed asexuality and worry that I'll become a "spinster." If it weren't for the pressure to "put myself out there," I would be more than content to be as I am right now. Still, I don't like to admit, "Yes, I'm old enough to get married but have never gone out with anyone before," and be judged for it.
That said, someone just asked me out on a date. I'm not romantically interested in him, just as I've never been attracted to anyone else before. He's a little quirky, but he's nice. Is there a chance that I might feel differently if I say yes, or would I be setting myself up for a mess that I can prevent by saying no? | Worried that choosing to be perpetually single is wrong. Asked out on a date by a guy I'm not interested in. Should I give it a chance? Is it fair to the guy who asked? |
t3_4t987k | relationships | My (40F) new co-workers(30's-40's F) are obese. I've recently lost 30 lbs. How do I navigate lunch time? | I started a new job 2 weeks ago. I work in an office with 3 other women that each weigh over 250 lbs. They're wonderful people and we all get along really well. The only issue is lunch time. I've recently lost 30 lbs and I don't want to waste the money or calories on ordering lunch out every day. I bring my lunch from home and have to listen to, "Well, that's not very much food at all!" "You're starving yourself!" and other such nonsense. To be clear, I'm not starving myself and my lunches are very much normal portions. They're just not 5 slices of pizza or dinner sized portions of Chinese food. I've been using the excuse of being to broke to order out. That's not going to last much longer though. | new co-workers make me feel bad for not wanting to order out for lunch every day. How do I navigate lunch time? |
t3_tkthw | BreakUps | Ex contacted me 1 week after breakup | Moving this thread to here from [/r/ihaveissues]. Me (18) and my ex (f16) broke up last week after a 5month long relationship. This was my first relationship and she was the first girl i ever kissed. The relationship itself was very odd. We hardly saw each other sometimes not even on the weekends and that was because of her training. This made me very sad during the time we were together but i only spoke of it twice and i never showed her my sadness (even though i think she knew). I was willing to compromise, I wanted to be with this girl so bad so i did not care. In the end it was just so hard and instead of being happy i was so sad. so when we decided to "have the talk" everything let go, it was a feeling i've never felt before. Yesterday she contacted me, not much but she said hi and such things and it made me so sad. it felt like everything came back. Im still not over her and the thought of her coming over me in just one week terrifies me. She wants to be my friend but now it seems hard | a week ago me and my ex broke up, yesterday she contacted me and it hurt me. What should i do? she still wants to be friends but now it seems so hard. |
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