Non-SpongeBob Dialogue
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Mrs. Puff: Oh, SpongeBob. My boat has a flat tire. Could you help me change it? | Oh, uh, well, I gotta get home for Mermaid Man, but—but sure, I guess I have a little time. |
Mrs. Puff: Oh, good. Let me know when you're done. | Luckily, I brought all my tools. Jack, wrench, hammer, jackhammer— Whoa! Jack-wrench, wrench-hammer, hammer-hammer. Okay, I'm ready! Gotta get that old tire off. And... Yes? No. Maybe if I try... Hmm. Ah-ha! Okay, Mrs. Puff. Good to go. |
Mrs. Puff: Thanks again, SpongeBob. | Oh, no problem, Mrs. Puff. Hmm. I still have time to get home before my show, if I pick up the pace. Ah, home sweet pineapple! |
Patrick: Hey, buddy! You got a minute? | Oh, uh, not really, but— |
Patrick: I double-parked my rock, and it got towed. Could you help me get it back? | Oh, uh, sure. Uh, but let's make it quick. Mermaid Man is on soon. |
Impound worker: You'se guys can take a look around on your owns. | They all look the same, Patrick. How are we gonna find your rock? |
Patrick: Don't worry, buddy. I'll know it when I feel it. Oh, this might be it! Give me a hand! Patrick: Ow! No, this isn't it. Oh, ooh, this one might be it! Patrick: Ouch! No, this isn't it either. Ow! No. Ow! No. No. No. Patrick: This is it. This is my rock! Impound worker: Congratulations. Now there's a little matter of the fee. Patrick: Oh, talk to him. | Here you go. |
Patrick: Thanks, SpongeBob! See you at home for Mermaid Man! Whoo-hoo! | Wait, wait, Patrick! Could you give me a...ride? |
Sandy: SpongeBob! Oh, thank goodness you're here. I could really use your help. | Oh, hey, Sandy. Uh, I'm kind of in a rush 'cause Mermaid Man is on and it's the lost episode— |
Sandy: Oh, it won't take more than a minute. Sandy: My laser acorn experiment blasted a nut-sized hole in my dome. Could you stick your finger here while I go get my fix-it-up kit? | I don't really have a lot of time to— |
Sandy: Thanks, be right back! Kid #1: Gosh, I can't wait to see that long lost Mermaid Man episode tonight. Kid #2: Oh, for sure. No real fan would miss it. Not for the world. Sandy: All righty, SpongeBob. I'm ready to—What? | That's it! No more distractions! I am gonna— |
Mr. Krabs: Boy-o, you gotta help me sort me loose change! | But Mermaid Man. |
Mr. Krabs: Thanks, boy-o! | Don't wanna miss it! Don't wanna miss it! But Mermaid Man. But Mermaid Man. But Mermaid Man. But Mermaid Man. But Mermaid Man. But Mermaid Man. Well, I may have missed the live broadcast, but at least I got it all on tape. Here I come, Mermaid Man! Oh. Where'd I put my keys? Did I leave them on the table again? No, my tape! My soda! My popcorn! My Mermaid Man! |
Gary: Meow. Sandy: Hey there, SpongeBob. Why all the waterworks? | I was so busy helping everyone that I missed Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy and my VCR didn't record it and now I'll never see it and my life has no meaning! |
Sandy: All right, listen up. SpongeBob has helped every single one of us dozens of times over. But we ain't been very helpful to him today. Patrick: Yeah, I was a lousy friend. Sandy: Now, we may have taken advantage of his kindness, but I got a plan to make things right. French Narrator: The Next Day... | Play… |
Sandy: Hey there, SpongeBob. Feeling any better? Sandy: Aww, why don't you come with me? I have a little surprise for you. | I'm not really in the mood, Sandy. |
Sandy: Aww, quit acting like a calf with colic. Come on, SpongeBob. | Gee, Sandy, where'd you get an outdoor amphitheater? |
Sandy: Don't worry about that. Just sit right here and enjoy the play. | Oh, okay. |
Plankton: Welcome, ladies and morons! It's time for the exciting conclusion to... The Case of the Curious Cliffhanger! | Huh? Whoa! |
Larry: Help me, Barnacle Boy. I'm hanging...from this cliff. Patrick: And look, I am also hanging from this cliff. We sure are in danger. Mr. Krabs: You should give up while you can, Mermaid Man. Larry: Haven't you heard, Captian Tightwad? I'll never give up fighting...um...Line? Mrs. Puff: Oh, um... Evil. Larry: Evil! | Wow! Yes, yes! |
Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Plankton, and Mrs. Puff: ♪He may be half a mermaid!♪ Gary: ♪Meow!♪ Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Plankton, and Mrs. Puff: ♪And he may be half a man!♪ Gary: ♪Meow!♪ Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Plankton, and Mrs. Puff: ♪But to us he's more than a hero!♪ Gary: ♪Meow, meow!♪ Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Plankton, and Mrs. Puff: ♪He's our Mermaid Man!♪ | Ah, oh, bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Yes! Ah! Thank you, everyone! I loved the show! And I loved the love you showed me! And I love how you showed me the love you showed me in the show I love. This is my favorite episode of Mermaid Man ever! |
Old Man Jenkins: Hey! What are you kids doing in my outdoor amphitheater? Sandy: Cheese it, everyone! It's Old Man Jenkins! Old Man Jenkins: Come back! I just wanna be in the play. | Aww, I'll play with you, Old Man Jenkins. Do you wanna be Mermaid Man? |
Old Man Jenkins: It's the role of my dreams! Zoom! Whoo! Barg'N Mart P.A.: Attention, shoppers: We've got a SpongeBob on Aisle 6. Patrick: Make a sharp left! Patrick: We're here! | I still don't understand why you had me wear a blindfold. |
Patrick: Oh, um, I didn't want you to get anything in your eyes. See? Okay, thanks, buddy. I'm going to my club meeting now. | What's your club, hmm? |
Patrick: Uh, it's the Empty Head Society. Eh, it's a place where guys like me can give their powerful intellects a much-needed rest. | Whoa! I'd love to rest my intellect. Can I join? |
Patrick: Sure! Anyone can join. It's exclusive. Oh, that's not how you open it. You have to step on the automatic doormat. Ding! | Wow. They do seem blissfully brainless. |
Patrick: Oh, oh, hold it! You have to check your smart thingy at the door. Sheldon: Hello, numbskull. Patrick: Hiya, dodo! Sheldon: Shall we do the Empty Head handshake? Patrick: Okay! | What was that? |
Patrick: The signal for the meeting to start. Come on. Ice Cream King: Good, I see everyone's in their assigned places. The secretary will now read the minutes. Ice Cream King's secretary: These are the minutes. One minute, twelve minutes, wait a minute, give me a minute. Ice Cream King: Hike! Are there any new initiates here tonight? Patrick: SpongeBob, go up. You always wanted to join the club. Ice Cream King: Hmm, are you sure you're, uh, brainless enough? Perfect! You've earned your first badge. It's time to pass the jar. | Hmm? Hmm? Uh... |
Empty Head Society club members: Drink! Drink! Drink! Empty Head Society club members: Drink! Drink! Drink! Empty Head Society club members: Ugh! | What? You said drink! |
Ice Cream King: Ahem. Lemonade? | Huh? |
Ice Cream King: We just save and date the drool. But that was so dopey you earned another badge! There! It's now time to go out in the community and help the citizens... of Bikini Bottom by doing our civic duty. Whatever that means. | Uh, we're gonna do some civic duty? |
Patrick: We call it the Nitwitting. Patrick, Ice Cream King, and the Empty Head Society club members: ♪We're all unfit. We must admit we're dumb as a box of rocks. But time permitting, we'll be nitwitting. Has anyone seen my socks?♪ Ice Cream King: To the mini boats! Two Empty Head Society club members: To the mini boats! | Patrick, why are we doing this, again? |
Patrick: I have no idea. Trenchbilly Empty Head Society club member: Hey, mister. You dropped your ball. Blobfish Empty Head Society club member: Keep running. I'll pace you. Shark Empty Head Society club member: These lights could use a smile. | I have a feeling you guys are a little confused about what civic duty is. |
Patrick: Uh, I don't think so! Civic duty is using your patootie. No confusion there! Patrick: Why would people throw their stinky garbage in these beautiful cans? | Maybe their pockets were already full. |
Ice Cream King: Pockets full? I can clearly see you're not as brainless as us. | Aww… |
Patrick: I can't see anything! | Oh well. I guess I'm just not Empty Head material. Well, bye, buddy. |
Patrick: My name's Buddy now? Both: Buddy! Buddy! Buddy! | Well, that's funny. I seem to be lost. Oh, I'll figure it out. I still got so life in the ol' brain stem. What's a brain stem? I know! I'll just walk backwards and that should get me back to the beginning of the day. I'm even more lost-er than I was before-er. Oh, I will direct asking— Ask directions. Excuse me, large lady. I'm a widdle girl who's misplace herself. Can you help find me? I'm pretty. Ow! |
Abigail Marge: Weirdo! | Well, that didn't come out right. Oh, I've forgotten how to sit! |
Charlie: Obviously not the sharpest tool in the—the tool thing. Patrick: Oh, there you are! You forgot your thinking thingy. I wasn't sure which one was yours, buddy. | Uh, now my name's Buddy? |
Patrick: No, duh. That's my name! I think. | No, not mine. Wrong brain. Oh, bad brain. Oh, I guess I'll take this stupid one. |
Patrick: Hmm...Hmm... Try saying, I'm ready. | Slime ready! Uh, dime Betty! Spaghetti! I'm sweaty! I'm all wetty! I'm ready. I'm ready! I'm ready! High-five! |
Patrick: Yeah! | Patrick, I know you and the Empty Head Society mean well, but man, we sure messed up a lot of things in town today. So, I'm gonna reverse all the damage that we did during the Nitwitting! |
Patrick: Hey, you'd better hurry because you're getting smaller! What a guy. Hmm? Nothing like a good sit in a chair. | Oh, that's weird. Everything's already back to normal. What? Hmm. Well, it's still a mess over here. Sandy? You cleaned everything up? |
Sandy: Of course, SpongeBob. I belong to a club called F.E.M.A. That stands for Fix the Emptyhead's Mess Again. Our civic duty is repairing the mayhem that the Empty Heads cause every month. You got some gunk on your tie. | Yeah, they're badges. |
Sandy: Hey, SpongeBob. How would you like to join F.E.M.A.? | No thanks. After giving my brain a vacation, I need a rest. |
Both: Huh? Sandy: Uh-oh! Speaking of brain vacation. Ice Cream King and the Empty Head Society club members: ♪We're all unfit. We must admit we're dumb as a box of rocks. But time permitting, we'll be nitwitting…♪ Patrick: ♪Has anyone seen my socks?♪ Narrator: Every day is a holiday for SpongeBob, even if he has to make one up. | Hey everybody! It's Leif Erikson Day! Hinga-dinga-durgen! Ahoy, Patrick! It's Leif Erikson Day! There's a note. |
Patrick: SpongeBob, went to get more giant paper. Uhhhh...Patrick. P.S. Happy Leif Erikson Day! Yingin-hinga-dinga! | Aww... so much for that. Maybe Sandy will play with me. Another note. |
Sandy: SpongeBob, went south for the winter. Love, Sandy. | I don't get it. The water's fine. Hey, Squidward! Want to play? |
Squidward: No. | Are you sure? |
Squidward: Yes. | Darn. I wish I had a buddy to play with. I know! I'll make one! Stick Buddy! Nah... Rock Buddy! Nope... Sink Buddy! Almost... I've got it! Bubble Buddy! This...is...great! I can't wait for you to meet Squidward and Mr. Krabs. Don't be shy, come on! |
Squidward: Please come again. When I'm not working. Next. | Hi, Squidward! |
Squidward: How am I supposed to enjoy your day off if you come to work anyway? | I want you to meet my new friend, Bubble Buddy! |
Squidward: This bubble is your friend? Well, he's handsome, I'll give him that. What'll it be? | Oh, I'm not hungry. |
Squidward: Well, thanks for stopping by. | Wait! You haven't taken Bubble Buddy's order yet! |
Squidward: Why would I do that? | He's hungry. |
Squidward: He's an inanimate object, his money's no good here! Mr. Krabs: What are you saying, Mr. Squidward? Everyone's money is good here. At the Krusty Krab, we serves all kinds. Squidward: I'm not taking an order for a bubble. Mr. Krabs: Sure you are! Or I'll fill your life with misery and woe. Even if you quit. Squidward: May I take your order? | Wait, Bubble Buddy. Let me decide for you. Hmmm. Krabby Patty, Double Patty Patty, Krabby Junior Junior, Jumbo Small Patty, Junior Senior Sophomore Patty, Quarter Ouncer Double Pounder...ohh, it's all so good! He'll just have one of everything. |
Mr. Krabs: One of everything?! Whoopee! I love Bubble Buddy! Squidward, show our best customer to his table. | Bubble Buddy's thirsty. |
Squidward: How about a glass of our finest shampoo? | Sounds great! |
Squidward: Here's your hair care product, sir. | Uhh, Bubble Buddy likes bendy straws. Huh, what's that? Bubble Buddy says it tastes funny. What do you think? |
Squidward: Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs: Think of the customer. Squidward: Oh, silly me. I got the diet shampoo. Here we go, one of everything for Bubble Buddy. | Oh no, Squidward, wait! There's cheese on these patties! |
Squidward: And? | Bubble Buddy's lactose-intolerant, he can't eat cheese! What should we do? |
Squidward: We? How about you take these patties and sh... Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward! | Don't worry, Bubble Buddy. Squidward will make a fresh batch. |
Squidward: What, is he allergic to bread, too? | Actually he doesn't like the crust. And Squidward, the ketchup should be under the patty. And Squidward, the pickles should be on the left side. And Squidward, you should... And Squidward... And Squidward... And Squidward... And Squidward... |
Squidward: Here, one of everything! No cheese, no crust, pickles to the left, four squirts of ketchup, wheat buns, non-dairy lettuce, and farm-raised tomatoes carnival-style! And if there's anything else I can do, please hesitate to ask. | That was delicious! Money's on the table, Mr. Krabs! |
Mr. Krabs: So long, boys! You see, Squidward, the restaurant game is all about service. The customer is always right. Remember that, lad, and you'll be as successful as me one day. Squidward: Oh, you're right, Mr. Krabs. I learned my lesson. And by the way, Bubble Buddy picked up the tab. Mr. Krabs: What's this? Squidward: Bubble money. At least they left a tip! | Here we are, Bubble Buddy, Goo Lagoon. There are lots of ways to have fun here. |
Scooter: Dudes, bury me! | See what I mean? All done! |
Scooter: All right! | Bubble Buddy, you dig him out while I get some cotton candy. |
Scooter: Don't just stand there, dude. The tide's coming in. Dude? | My friend's in there. |
Harold: Congratulations. | Woo! Shake it! Shake it! Yeah! Shake that bubble butt! Yeah! |
Pearl: It's the world-famous surf punk, Grubby Grouper! Grubby Grouper: Later, groupies! Grubby's got to go catch some gnarly pounders. Ahoo! Pearl: Oh, I'll never wash this flipper again. | Hey, Pearl! Shake hands with Bubble Buddy! It's his first time on his own. |
Harold: Once again, congratulations. Man: Popcorn! Peanuts! Lou: Ice cold drinks! Harold: Two hours is long enough! That's it! | Hey, Bubble Buddy, you're finished! |
Francis: He kept us waiting for a bubble? Larry: That's nothing! He called us fat! Pearl: He washed my flipper! Mr. Krabs: He owes me money! Squidward: He made me provide excellent service! Scooter: Dudes! He made me experience high tide! Tom: He poisoned our water supply, burned our crops and delivered a plague unto our houses! Protesters: He did? Tom: No... But are we just gonna wait around until he does? Mr. Krabs: I say we tip something over! Lifeguard: Hey, hey, hey! Protester: Now what? Protesters: Get the lifeguard! Squidward: Wait! Don't waste this senseless violence on him! It's that stupid bubble of SpongeBob's that's causing all the problems! Who's with me? Protesters: Pop the bubble! | Hey, everyone! Have you met my friend, Bubble Buddy? |
Protesters: Yes... | Hey, is this one of those sewing circles? |
Protesters: No... | Would you mind not getting so close with those pins? Pointy objects make Bubble Buddy uncomfortable. |
Larry: SpongeBob, that bubble's got to go. | Oh no, he already took care of that, but thanks for your concern. |
Pearl: No. Go as in... | Why?! |
Mr. Krabs: You and that bubble have been nothing but trouble! It's time to end it! | No! I won't let you! Here we go! You'll never catch us now! Never! Ha haa! Never! Never... |
Squidward: Enough sea-horsing around, SpongeBob! Give us that bubble! Protesters: Pop the bubble! Pop the bubble! Pop the bubble! | No! You can't! He's not just a bubble, he's a Bubble Buddy! He's my friend and I love him! Haven't you ever had a very special friend? |
Mr. Krabs: Nickel Buddy, I'll never spend you! Sheldon: Funny Muffler... Larry: Jerky Pal... Harold: Boo-boo Keys... Man: Snake Eyes... We love you! | So, what do you say? |
Protesters: Pop the bubble! Pop the bubble! Pop the bubble! Squidward: Let's get this over with so I can go home and play my clarinet! | Noo... |
Bubble Buddy: Whoa! Hey, don't I get a say in this? I'll see you later, SpongeBob. Things are getting a little weird around here. | So long. |
Bubble Buddy: Happy Leif Erikson Day! Squidward: He's alive? | Of course! Otherwise he couldn't tell such funny jokes! Seems like only this morning I held his bottle. They blow up so fast. |
Squidward: Uh...hi? | Gary! Looks like it's that time of week again: bath time! Come on, let's go get the water started. You're gonna have to get in that tub, Gary. Now, Gary, we can do this the hard way, or the easy way, or the medium way, or the semi-medium-easy-hard way, or the sorta hard with a touch of awkward-easy-difficulty-challenging way... So that's how you wanna play it, huh? Gary! Check out this new toy. Fetch! Huh? New Boomerang Pet Ball: Really Works! Hmmm. Gary! There's a bomb strapped to my chest! It's gonna explode in 3 seconds unless you take a bath! Please...? I am now going to assault your mind with subliminal messages! |
Subliminal Girl: | Sorry you had to see that. Hello, Fancy French Restaurant? I've got a naughty snail here who won't take a bath. What? Can you say that again? Slow down! It's like you're speaking some other language! Hey, Gare! How 'bout some leapfrog? Weehee! Okay, your turn. Hey, Gare! How 'bout some leapfrog? ... I've got a crisp dollar bill for the next fella to take a bath in this house! Ya-da-da-da... That didn't work either, huh? Gary! Gary! Look what I found! It's an old, pirate treasure map revealing a location of buried pirate treasure in this very house! Come on, boy, let's go get that treasure! Whoo! Okay, Gary, now 40 paces to the left. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10... 24, 25, 26, twenty seveeen... 40. The treasure must be in here! Wow, Gary, look! A pirate treasure chest! |
Gary: Meow. | Why, no, Gary, this isn't the bathtub. It's treasure! Look, doubloons! Don't drop 'em... Look at this brooch! |
Gary: Meow. | I don't know what a snail would want with a brooch! Now why don't you just get into the tub?! Get in the tub! Get in the tub! Get in the tub! In the tub! In the tub! Now, Gary, are you gonna get in this tub or am I gonna have to... Gary, could you... Gary, no! Gary! . Alright, Gary, you have duped and/or frustrated me for the last time! So, if I can't get you to come to the bath, I'll just have to bring the bath to you. . Psst, Gary. Bath delivery! . Come back, Gary! I have something to chair with you. Dish is more like it! Water you waiting for, Gary? |
Gary: | Aww, stuck in a tree? It's time to clean up your act, Gary! . Oh, no! I bathed Gary too hard and removed his skin! Gary! Bring that ladder back this instant! I am really not amused, mister. You are going to take a bath and you are going to get clean right now! |
Gary: Meow. | I am so the boss of you! |
Gary: Meow. | It may be a free country, but you live in my house under my rules. |
Gary: Meow. | Don't use that tone of voice with me. You will do what I say when I say. What are you doing? I am talking to you, mister! Do not go near that mud puddle! Gary The Snail, do you hear me? I am giving you 3 seconds to get away from that mud puddle! 1, 2, two and a half... don't make me say 3! Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary!! I'm a dirty boy... |
Gary: Meow. | Yeah, yeah, Gary. I'm getting behind my ears. Hey, Patrick. |
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob. | All ready to go jellyfishing today? |
Patrick: No. Just kidding! | I see you even brought your double net. |
Patrick: Yep. It's three times as fun. | Um, Patrick? Don't you mean twice as fun? |
Patrick: What is? | Your— never mind. |
Patrick: Oh, SpongeBob, That reminds me. We should probably check the weather report before we go. | Good idea. |
Phil: And now the weather. | Here we go. |
Phil Preflumster: Thank you, Phil. Today's weather forecast calls for— A horrible storm will ravage the Bikini Bottom area. Patrick and SpongeBob: A horrible storm? Phil Preflumster: You heard me. Panic is not advised although it is recommended. Also, an advisory has been issued to avoid any and all jellyfishing if possible. | Patrick, help me get these boards nailed up. |
Patrick: SpongeBob, this seems like a strange time to start decorating. | Start dec— you sir, obviously do not recognize fine decorating when you see it. |
Patrick: Hmm. | Admire it later, Patrick. Right now, we got to get my house converted into a shelter capable of withstanding extreme weather. |
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