Non-SpongeBob Dialogue
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Patrick: You can say that again. | Actually, I can't. |
Patrick: Why? | Because I just stepped on one of these nails. |
Squidward: La da dee, la da da, la da doo. Got ya. Now just one quick flick of the wrist, and— Squidward: Squidward: Grr! Patrick: Violin. | Whoo! Nice work, buddy. Now my house can withstand anything nature has to throw at us. |
Patrick: I guess Squidward's not part of nature. | Squidward! Did you come to weather out the storm with us? |
Squidward: No! I— what storm? | The one Preflumster told us about. |
Squidward: Who's that? Patrick: He's the weatherman on the news channel. He said— Squidward: I can't understand a word you're saying. | C'mon Squidward, it'll be fun! While the elements rage outside, we'll snuggle in here and pass the time by playing board games, and playing tic-tac-toe, and drinkin' hot cocoa, and playing tic-tac-toe, and doing jigsaw puzzles, and watchin' TV, and drinkin' hot cocoa, and doing jigsaw puzzles, and playin' board games, and drinkin' hot tea... |
Patrick: I thought it was cocoa! | Oh, yeah. Hot cocoa... we'll be drinking. |
Patrick: That's better. Squidward: Well, I think I'll pass. | Even if I let you borrow my huggly snuggly bunny slippers? |
Squidward: Hmm, I'll have to think about that. | Okay, but you better think fast. Because Patrick really likes my— Squidward, welcome back! Here's your slippers. That's better. |
Squidward: What's better about it? I liked it better before, when I could see! | Squidward, the lights went out. |
Squidward: Yes, they did, when you turned them off! Patrick: SpongeBob! | Patrick! What is it? |
Patrick: I never realized how delicious your hot cocoa is. | Thank you, Patrick. |
Squidward: Oh, boy. How about some of those games you promised? | Okay, boys, let's roll to see who goes first. |
Squidward: This is tic-tac-toe. You don't roll to see who goes first. Patrick: He's right. You play rock, paper, scissors for it. | Oh, yeah. |
Patrick: One. | Two. |
Squidward: Three! | Oh, it's a tie. |
Patrick: Darn it! Patrick, SpongeBob, Squidward: One, two, three. Patrick: Darn it! I'll get you next time. Squidward: One, two, three. | Tie. |
Patrick: Darn it! Squidward: One, two, three. | Tie. |
Patrick: Darn it! Squidward: There, I win. See? Patrick: I'm not seeing anything there. | Yeah, it looks like a lot of junk. |
Squidward: What do you mean, you're not seeing anything?! There's three in a row right here. Tic-tac-toe! Patrick: Easy, friend. | Yeah, relax, Squidward. We're just here to have fun. Oh, okay, yeah, okay. Here we go. Congratulations, Squidward. |
Patrick: Well played. | Come on, Patrick. You can do it. Be the puzzle piece. |
Patrick: Cannot complete jigsaw puzzle! Difficulty level too advanced. Rate of brain activity increasing. Ageing process by 30 years per second. | Come on, Grandpa, you can do it. You still got a good few years left in you. |
Patrick: Eh? | Go, Patrick, go! Go, Patrick, Go! Go, Patrick, go! Go, Patrick, go! |
Squidward: Grrr! | Go, Patrick, go! |
Squidward: I told you creatures I was trying to take a nap over here. Now for the last time can't you just— | Hang on, Squidward. Patrick was just about to figure out where this last piece of the puzzle goes. Weren't you, Patrick?! |
Patrick: Who's the green guy? Squidward: It's the last piece of the puzzle! There's only one place it can go. Right here! | Squidward. It wasn't your turn. That's cheating. |
Squidward: Cheating?! It's a jigsaw puzzle! You can't cheat! | Oh, it's okay, Squidward. We'll just start over. |
Squidward: I've got to get out of here! | Oh, welcome back, Squidward. We were about to figure out where the first piece of the puzzle goes. Oh, maybe Squidward can help us fig— |
Squidward: No, I can't. | Please, Squidward? |
Squidward: No way. | Please... |
Squidward: I have an even better idea. | What is it? |
Patrick: Tell us. SpongeBob and Patrick: Tell us! Tell us! Tell us! Tell us! Squidward: Shh. Quiet time. It's a game called boundaries. Patrick: Ooh-ooh-ooh! Squidward: Yes, Patrick? Patrick: Will there be any spelling in this game? Squidward: Oh, no, no spelling. Patrick: Yes! Squidward: It's very simple. The object of the game is to see how long everyone leaves Squidward alone until the storm passes. He will stay inside boundaries, he'll define by chalk lines on the floor. | I have a question. |
Squidward: What? | Where are you going to get the chalk? |
Squidward: I brought some! Squidward: Brilliant work, as usual, Squidward. Now all I have to do is sit here until this storm blows over. Wait a minute. I'm starving. SpongeBob's got to have some snacks around here somewhere. Ah, Jackpot. I bet you wish you had some of this, don't—? Snail food? I've got to get some real food. | Halt! Nobody's to cross this boundary. |
Squidward: I'm the one who drew the line. You're not supposed to cross. | If you're the one who drew it, let me see some identification papers. |
Squidward: Identific—? Fine. But when this storm blows over, you'll regret this, mister. What the— what? I don't have them. they must be in my other pants. Look, if you just let me cross, I can go get them. Please, I promise I'll— | Hmm. You may be telling the truth. |
Squidward: Oh, thank you. I'm just so hungry. | But then again, you may not. Come with me. We shall find out the truth. |
Squidward: That'll be the day. | Stop that cephalopod! |
Squidward: Please. I just want to get back... onto my side of boundary. | This, I cannot allow. It is against the rules. |
Squidward: But all I wanted was something to eat. Patrick: Did somebody say something to eat? | Patrick, look out! |
Squidward: Whoa! Squidward: My food! | Your food? |
Patrick: Hey, I want some too. Squidward: Is this what we've really come to? Is one little storm all it takes to turn us all into complete animals? | Apparently so. Well, that and a refrigerator full of food anyways. |
Squidward: Did you hear that? | It's just Patrick gnawing on his can. |
Squidward: No, no, no, no, no, no, not that. I mean from outside. | I don't hear anything. |
Squidward: The storm must've stopped. | Squidward, wait! |
Squidward: Woo-hoo! So long, suckers! Squidward: Oof! Oh, curse you, Preflumster! Plankton: More fruit punch, SpongeBob? | You know, Plankton, when you invited me over, I thought it was another trick to get the Krabby Patty formula. Now, I see you just love social gatherings in the workplace! |
Plankton: Oh, I love office parties. We got roller chair races and karaoke. Hey! I know a gag we can do. Copy our faces on the new copy machine! | Ooh! Should I put my face on the glass? |
Plankton: Why don't you lay your whole body down? That glass is big enough. | How's this? Like this? What about this? Is this good? |
Plankton: Alright. Party's over. Go home! | Aw...But I'd like some more fruit punch. |
Plankton: No more punch for you! You don't look so good, SpongeBob. I suggest you take the day off tomorrow. | Nah! I feel fine! |
Plankton: Are you sure? | Now that you ask, I don't know. I think I just felt a twinge! |
Plankton: You'll be fine if you take tomorrow off. Hello, SpongeBob CopyPants. Can you say Secret formula? SpongeBob Copy: Se.. Se... for mama. Plankton: Se-cret Form-ula. SpongeBob Copy: Se-cret Form-ula. Secret formula! Plankton: Now, remember. Your name is SpongeBob SquarePants and your assignment is to ask Krabs for the secret Krabby Patty formula. SpongeBob Copy: My name is SpongeBob SquarePants, and I want the secret formula. Plankton: Excellent! Now, off you go! Wait! Just keeping track of my copy. Plankton: What are you doing here?! You said you would take today off. | But I feel great today. |
Plankton: Are you sure? Because you're sweating. Plankton: But you can't work. You have yellow jaundice! | Oh, Plankton. Yellow is my natural color. |
SpongeBob Copy: Morning. Squidward: Whatever. | Morning. |
Squidward: I said Whatever. Wait, didn't I just... didn't I... Both SpongeBobs: Ooh. Squidward: There's only one explanation. I'm still in my bed and I'm having a nightmare! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Short customer: I'd like to place an order for two. Squidward: Two, as in Two SpongeBobs? Sure, this is all just a bad dream, right? I'm dreaming and you're in my dream! Short customer: That's me: The man of your dreams. Squidward: If this is a dream. there are no consequences. I can do anything! I really am dreaming! | What's your name, handsome stranger? |
SpongeBob Copy: My name is SpongeBob SquarePants. | Wow! We look alike and have the same name! That's two things we have in common! I always wanted a twin brother! How do you feel about bubbles? |
SpongeBob Copy: I love them! | Jelly fishing? |
SpongeBob Copy: The same thing you do. | How about Squidward? |
SpongeBob Copy: Oh, please. | I think I'll nickname you... Me two! |
Plankton: Hey, SpongeCopy. Good to see ya. Have you learned the secret formula yet? Me Two: Oh, I can't tell you that. It's a secret. By the way, my name is Me Two. Plankton: Me Two? I'm such a deep sea dope! Now that the copy's gone in contact with the original SpongeBob, he won't tell me the formula. Time to adjust my plan. Mr. Krabs: Wait a minute! I can't afford two SpongeBobs! If this a scheme to collect two paychecks, forget about it! You're getting one paycheck split in two. Both SpongeBobs: You are too good to us, Mr. Krabs. Plankton: Karen, did you know you're married to a genius? Karen: How could I forget? You had it tattooed on my hard drive. Plankton: Now where was I? Oh, yeah, I saved SpongeBob digital DNA. SpongeBob Copy: Ooh. Karen: No, no, SpongeCopy. We don't put dirty, nasty things in our mouth. Spit it out. ] Plankton: Yuck! Now listen. Your name is SpongeBob SquarePants and you're to go straight to Mr. Krabs and ask him for the secret formula. SpongeBob Copy: Mr. Krabs, secret formula. Got it. Plankton: And stay away from any other SpongeBobs! SpongeBob Copy: Got it! Karen: Ah! Ah! SpongeCopy! Plankton: You see, this is why I never had children. Squidward: Yup. I'm still dreaming. Hello, there. Are you enjoying my dream? I heard you like your patties Ground! Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward! Just what the devilfish do you think your doing?! Squidward: Isn't it obvious, you red-faced tightwad? I'm dreaming! What's that under there? Mr. Krabs: Under where? Squidward: That's right. ♪I don't care, I don't care, none of this is real.♪ Hmm, I always wanted to fly and since this is my dream, I'm going to fly! SpongeBob Copy: Hello, Mr. Krabs. Hey, can you tell me the secret Krabby Patty formula? Mr. Krabs: You want me tell you the formula? That's quite a responsibility, laddy. SpongeBob Copy: Secret formula. Mr. Krabs: Well, you make a good point. Lean in boy! Plankton: He's doing it. He knows the formula. I can taste triumph! Wait, no! No! SpongeBob Copy: Secret formula. Secret formula. Secret formu... | Hey, look. Another handsome devil. We'll call you Me Three Aww. Let's go flip some patties. |
Plankton: Neptune's puddle! Now that SpongeBob's been corrupted by the other 2! What I need is a legion of Bobs. A full-lined blitz cream of Bobs. March! March, my pretties, and learn the formula! SpongeBob Copies: Secret Formula. Secret Formula. Mr. Krabs: Whoa! You guys are multiplying faster than me moneys! Alright, pipe down! I'm only going to tell you the secret formula one more time! SpongeBob copies: One more time! Mr. Krabs: So you've all memorized the formula. Now get to work! I have to calculate paychecks. SpongeBob copies: Yay! Hooray! Plankton: They all know the formula! One SpongeBob Copy: Let me do that! | Okay. Thanks. |
Another SpongeBob Copy: Let me do that! | Sure. |
Another SpongeBob copy: I'll polish the pickles. | Looks like you sponges have everything covered. |
Me Two: Mm hmm. | Hey, you don't look so good. Can I take you home? Where do you live? |
Me Two: I came from the Chum Bucket. | The Chum Bucket? |
Plankton: ♪I'm going to know the formula! I'm going to know the formula...♪ | Plankton! Me Two says you made him in a copy machine, so that you could steal the secret formula. |
Plankton: Uh, well, that's pattonly ridiculous! Me Two: Uhh... | You got to help him! I think he's sick or something. |
Me Two: I feel funny. | Me Two! Me Two! Oh! What happened to him?! |
Plankton: I was afraid of that. I thought I'd save some money by using cheap toner. | What does that mean? |
Plankton: It means my plan is ruined! All the SpongeBob copies will fade away now! | Fade away? All my brand new friends?! Nooooooooo! They can't! No! Don't disappear! |
Plankton: Quickly, man! Before you fade, what's the formula?! SpongeBob Copy: It's easy. You take one par... I don't feel so good Plankton: Wait, no! Patrick: Life is but a walking shadow. Ha-lube-lube-lube-lube-lube... Plankton: What's the formula?! Mr. Krabs: Well, I did it. I calculated 1 paycheck down into 300 separate tiny checks. Only one of you left? Here. Plankton: Geez, what a cheapskate. I can't believe I failed again! | I can believe it. |
Plankton: Wait, are you a copy?! Quick! What's the formula?! | Well, you see, it's... Nice try, Plankton. But I'm the O.S. The original sponge. I can't believe they're all gone. |
Plankton: You wouldn't want all those copies of you around. They were just imitations anyway. | Hey, those imitations were my friends. |
Plankton: One SpongeBob is more than the world can handle anyway. You're a unique snowflake. | Yeah, thanks, Plankton. Things did get a bit out of hand with all those me's around. |
Plankton: Yeah, you're pretty annoying. Well, you can stomp on me now if that's you want. | Plankton, I'm a unique snowflake, and snowflakes don't stomp. They skip. |
Plankton: Well, what do you know about that. No comeuppance! Squidward: Gaining speed, increasing thrust, raising nose, air pressure on tentacles, stray tables in right position, and liftoff! Plankton: Eh, spoke too soon. Comeuppance in three, two... OW! Right on my keys! Patrick: Yeah? Starfish: Good day, sir. I am... Patrick: I know exactly who you are! | Ah, there's nothing like spending quality time with my Gare-Gare. |
Lady on TV: Jason, I have to be honest. There's someone else. Man on TV: Grandpa! Patrick: SpongeBob, help! He's onto me! I don't have much time! | Patrick, what are you doing? |
Patrick: I have to get rid of these books! | Why? |
Patrick: I'll show you why. See him? He's from the library. He knows about my overdue books. Uh-huh. Which means I'm gonna get thrown into the big house. And you know what that means... | Small portion meals? |
Patrick: Exactly! | Patrick, don't you worry. I got your back, man. Hi there. |
Starfish: Salutations, young one. Say, you wouldn't happen to know that starfish that lives under this rock, would you? | Huh? No, I don't know any starfish. Even if I did know this alleged starfish, Patrick wouldn't owe any overdue library books. |
Starfish: Well, it's too bad you don't know Patrick Star, because I am from the Royal Ministry, and have a gift for him. Patrick: Ooh, what is it? This is the worst-tasting gift ever! Starfish: That's because you're suppose to wear it, not eat it. Allow me to show you something. Let's see here. Aha! What I hold in my hands is a family tree that goes back centuries. It starts with the marriage of King Amoeba and Queen Mildew. Then, through a few inbred generations, ends at you, Sir Patrick, which makes you a descendant of royalty. You are a king. And now it's time I adjourn to the Royal Ministry, where I should be at your service. Your Highness. | Wow, Patrick, that's great! |
Patrick: What is? | That you're king! |
Patrick: What's a king? | When you're a king, you can get anything you want. |
Patrick: Anything I want? SpongeBob, do you think we can get something to eat? | Your wish is my command, your majesty. Good townspeople, let us rejoice in welcoming our new king. |
Patrick: King needs food badly. Mr. Krabs: What's this all ab... Well, well, well. What can I do for you, Patrick? | The king would like... |
Mr. Krabs: Zip it, SquarePants... I'm talking to the rich guy. Patrick: I'll have ten Krabby Patties, a Krabby milkshake, large fries... Mr. Krabs: I've got a better idea. A buffet fit for a king. Patrick: Tasty. Mr. Krabs: Listen, Patrick, there comes a time in every man's life when he's got to settle down. You know, get a wife, kids, a father-in-law you give all your money to. Patrick: Uh-huh, that sounds great. Hey, can I get a little more ketchup? Mr. Krabs: How about you pay the check, instead? Patrick: Oh, sorry, Mr Krabs, no can do. As king of Bikini Bottom, I am allowed to have anything I want. Isn't that right, SpongeBob? | That is correct. Anything you want, and it's all free. |
Mr. Krabs: All free?!!? Nobody eats in me restaurant for free, king or no king! Patrick: Are you gonna eat that? Harold: I was planning to, why? Patrick: I want it. Harold: Hey! What gives you the right to take my food? Patrick: Tell him, SpongeBob. | Uhh, Pat, I'm not sure this is what being king is all about. |
Patrick: I thought you said I could have anything I want. Was my bestest friend lying to me? | Don't be ridiculous, Patrick. I'd never lie to you. |
Patrick: Good! Now tell him. | Hi. By proclamation of the Royal Ministry, the king is entitled to get whatever he wants. |
Harold: This isn't fair. Patrick: Life isn't fair, pal. Get used to it. Fish: I finally did it! At long last, I've acquired issue #2 of Wonder Space Fish, and in mint condition. Now my 40 year-old life and my comic book collection are complete. Mom's gonna be so proud of me. Patrick: No, she won't be, because these comic books are mine! Fish: But, I've spent my entire life collecting those. Patrick: Yeah, well, now you can spend the rest of your life crying about it. I'm the king! Fish: I will cry about it. I'll cry right to my mom! Patrick: I love being king. | Ok, thank you, sir. I'm sure King Patrick could use this walker. |
Old Man Walker: I hope so. Neptune knows I did. Oof! Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob! | Yes, sire? |
Patrick: I need your opinion on something. Do you think the giant flat-screen TV should go over the fancy egg display or the indoor swimming pool? Squidward: Hello, sunshine. What a beautiful morning. Just perfect. Patrick: Back. Back. Okay. Yeah, that's good. Perfect. Squidward: My-my-my house. What's happened to my...huh? SpongeBob, Patrick. What the barnacles is going on here?! Look at what you've done. Look at my poor front yard. Patrick: Your front yard? | Umm, his royal highness is building a royal Ferris Wheel. |
Squidward: Ferris Wheel?! | I know, isn't it great? |
Squidward: No, it's not great! It's horrible! Oh, that's it! Stop! People of Bikini Bottom, stop! Stop! Patrick's no king. Look at him. How can this pink blob be king? Patrick: Uh... Squidward: You. Do you honestly believe that that mindless starfish can possibly be the king of anything? King of Morons, maybe. Worker: He might be on to something. Squidward: Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, see? Uh-huh. See? Crowd: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Man: Why are we giving this guy all our stuff? Squidward: See? See? You're not a king. And now, they all think so, too! Patrick: Get him! Attack! Attack! SpongeBob, get him! So I decree. Attack! | Uh, right away, your majesty. Umm, Squidward? |
Squidward: What? | Umm, could I get you to sign this treaty promising your eternal loyalty to King Patrick? |
Squidward: Give me that! A treaty, huh? Well, here's what I think of your treaty! Patrick: My royal subjects have deserted me. And it's all 'cause of that horrible Squidward. This is all his fault. His, his, not mine, his! | Patrick, what's happened to you? |
Patrick: I don't know what you mean. | Uh... You know, Mr Krabs is probably wondering where I am...and... |
Patrick: And what... | And, um, well...it's just that, um, you're kinda being a jerk. |
Patrick: Huh? I thought you were going to say I was abusing my power. | Uh...well, I... |
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