Non-SpongeBob Dialogue
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Plankton: I'm here for the secret formula you twit! Now I want you to go in there and tell Krabs that if he doesn't turn over the formula to me, that he'll be subjected to utter annihilation at my... Are you getting this? | Uhhhhh, uuh uuh. |
Plankton: Uuhhhh, moron! Okay, I'll make it simple: Krabs give me secret formula or I bring big boom boom to Krusty Krab. Got it? | Krabs give me secret formula or... uhhh... what was that other thing? |
Plankton: Uhhh! Forget it! Bring on the Boom Boom! Mr. Krabs: Battle stations men! Here he comes! | We're all doomed, we're all doomed, we're all doomed, we're all doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed, we're all doomed, we're all doomed, we're all doomed, we're all doomed! |
Squidward: Later. Plankton: Hey, what gives? Plankton: Oh curse you cruel fate. Once again, you've left me covered in the sticky goo of my own folly. Only this time, I'm all alone. Karen: Ahem. Plankton: Karen! You've come back to me! Karen: Actually, I just came to get my keyboard. Plankton: Oh, I knew you couldn't stay away, I knew it! Karen: Let me guess, another failure? Plankton: What you gonna do, machines these days, right? Umm, listen sweetie, I'm sorry about what I said. Truth is, I could never replace you honey-bunch. Lets go home hun? Karen: Okay. Plankton: Hey, I could whip us up a little dinner, what do ya say? Karen: Do you want me to leave you again? Plankton: Or we could go out! That'd be fun too. Squidward: Ladies and gentlemen, behold my wondrous paintings! Nat: Um, excuse me, can I have some ketchup? Squidward: Hey, look at my arts you dummy! Mr. Krabs: I don't know how you talked me into this art show, SpongeBob, but I'm shutting this thing down right now! | Aw, you can't, Mr. Krabs. Wait until Squidward sells some of his paintings. |
Squidward: Buy some important paintings. See me expose my exquisite suffering. Squidward: Hmph! These fools don't even recognize the masterworks in front of their faces. I'll confront them with the power of my art! Squidward: Witness the beauty! Larry: Come on, Larry! Get your salad on! Squidward: Come on, Larry! Get your art on! Larry: Oh! My eyes! Ahh! The pain! Orchid's son: I want a Krabby Meal! Squidward: How about some art to go with that? Orchid's son: Ahh! Orchid: Run, baby, run! Mr. Krabs: That's it! Squidward is scaring me customers away! I'm shuttin' this art show down! He's never gonna sell his paintings! | Sure he will! I just bought one. |
Mr. Krabs: Holy shrimp! Why would you do that to yourself? | What do you mean? I love it. Mr. Krabs, Squidward is our friend and his paintings are so cheap, you should buy one just to be nice. |
Customer: I'm good. Mr. Krabs: Nice? Nice? I don't waste my money on nice! | But think about how valuable these paintings might become. |
Mr. Krabs: Valuable? What do you mean? | When art gets older, it usually gets more expensive. Squidward's paintings might be worth millions someday. |
Mr. Krabs: Millions?! Out of me way! Here! Gimme! Give it here! This is mine now! | Okay, Mr. Krabs! |
Mr. Krabs: Now, all I need to do is sit back and watch me art grow more valuable. Art Appraiser: I am a very important art appraiser and I say this so-called art will never be worth a penny. Mr. Krabs: Hey, Eugene H. Krabs does not— I'll lose money! There must be something I can do to make this art worth lots more cash! Art Appraiser: Hmm... Squidward: I sold all my art? This tiny handful of coins has legitimized me! Who wants the autograph of a real artiste? Art Appraiser: Well, paintings can become much more valuable when the artist is no longer with us. You know. Out of the picture. Mr. Krabs: Out of the picture, eh? I think I can arrange this. Squidward: Artist walking. Check me out. Mr. Krabs: Check this out. I have a delivery for ya, Mr. Squidward. Squidward: What? You can't be serious. An artist such as myself should not be subject to such menial tasks. | Aw, don't be menial to Squidward, Mr. Krabs. I'll take the delivery. |
Mr. Krabs: No, Mr. Squidward is a real artist now and real artists can handle anything. Squidward: The arctic is so cold! Come on, Squidward. You're a strong artist. You can do it! No! Squidward: SpongeBob? | Oh, hi, Squidward! |
Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing here? | Just getting some ice. Fresh. Need some help? Whoa! |
Squidward: Here's your food. Arctic Sperm Whale: Hey, this is cold! Perfect! | Eeh, we'd better get you home. |
Mr. Krabs: Hello, is this the art appraiser? Just wanted to let you know that me good, good friend, Squidward, is now out of the pict— Wh—wh—wh—What the seahorse?! Got another delivery for you, Squidward! And only Squidward! | Your eyes are so pretty. |
Bus Driver: Next stop, Rock Bottom! Squidward: 237 Rock Bottom. Oh, there it is! Oh, remember, Squidward, real artists embrace the unknown. Uh, is anyone here? I've got a delivery from the Krusty Krab! Squidward: Ahh! | What are we screaming about? |
Squidward: Monsters! | Oh, they're not monsters, Squidward. They're my friends. |
Angler Fish: What's up, SpongeBob? Ha. Mr. Krabs: Yes, I'm sure that Mr. Squidward is out of the picture for good. He will be missed. So, come on over and tell old Krabs how much money me paintings are worth. Mr. Krabs: Ha, ha, ha, he-he, ha. Squidward, delivery! | Ha, this tickles. |
Mr. Krabs: Follow me, Mr. Squidward. I've got a special delivery vehicle just for a great artist like yourself. Squidward: Well, that's more like it. Finally, some respect. Mr. Krabs: Into the rocket ya go! Squidward: Wait! Why do I need a rocket? Where is this delivery to? Mr. Krabs: Mars. Squidward: Oh, Mars. Well, the...M—M—M—M—M—Mars?! | Bye, Squidward! |
Squidward: Delivery from the Krusty Krab. Martian: Mmm! Yummy, yummy! Squidward: Hmph. All this red. So garish. Ha, this dump needs a true artist touch. Martians: Huh? Mr. Krabs: So, now that Squidward definitely 100% is gone for good, what a shame, what do you think of these here paintings? Art Appraiser: Well, of course they're awful, but if the so-called artist is really out of the picture, then perhaps they're worth something. Mr. Krabs: Really? Oh, it's so complicated. These are tears of joy, but they're also tears of sadness for my good friend, Squidward. Wherever he is. | Oh, here he is, Mr. Krabs! |
Mr. Krabs: Stay here and keep an eye on me investments. Squidward: Well, that was disgusting. So, who wants to talk about my use of color and brush stroke? Art Appraiser: Ahem! Hmph! Mr. Krabs: I have done everything I could to get you away from here safely and now you're messing with me money! | Run, Squidward, run! |
Mr. Krabs: Hey! How about a little support here? | Run, Mr. Krabs, run! But a little slower than Squidward. |
French Narrator: 3 hours later... | Psst, it's your best friend, SpongeBob. |
Squidward: Oh, get off of me! | I'll never get off of you, Squidward. Not until you're safe. |
Squidward: I'll never be safe! Not until my paintings are gone! | No, Squidward! You can't deprive the world of your paintings! |
Squidward: True, but it's better than depriving the world of me! | Come on, Squidward! Destroy those paintings before Mr. Krabs gets back! |
Squidward: I...I can't do it! They're just too magnificent! Mr. Krabs: Hey, hey, hey! Get away from me paintings! Squidward: Oh, I'm sorry, paintings, but it's you or me! Art Appraiser: Yes, yes! Now, this is true art! Squidward: What? Really? Art Appraiser: So visceral! So dangerous! Squidward: Yes, feel my art! Mr. Krabs: Leave me paintings alone, you monster! Art Appraiser: No! That was the most accelerating performance art I have ever seen! Mr. Krabs: Really? So, it must be worth millions! Hey, out of me way! | Mr. Krabs, uh, Squidward, I—I don't think you should be doing that. |
Squidward: Oh, don't be so provincial, SpongeBob! Mr. Krabs: Yeah, stop trying to censor our money! I mean our art! Art Appraiser: Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Mr. Krabs: Whoo, boy! Hee, hee! So, how much ya gonna give me for all this? Ha, ha. Art Appraiser: Nothing! Performance art is about the moment. You cannot put a price on it. Mr. Krabs: What? Wait, come back here, you double-crossin'— | D'oh! Mr. Krabs! Squidward! |
Art Appraiser: Ah-ha! Art Appraiser: And that is how I acquired this masterpiece. Squidward: I'm an artist. Mr. Krabs: I'm rich. | And I helped. |
Nematodes: Walking, walking, walking, walking. Nematode #1: Hungry! Nematodes: Hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry. Nematode #1: Still hungry! Nematodes: Still hungry, still hungry, still hungry, still hungry. Fred: Naw, dang nematodes! Nematode #1: Thirsty! Nematodes: Thirsty, thirsty, thirsty, thirsty. Gary: Meow. | Hooray, Gary! We're finally huge! |
Gary: Meow. | Huh? Wait a minute! Oh no! |
Gary: Meow! | Ow. Shell phone! I know. I'll call Squidward. He'll know what to do. |
Squidward: Hello? | Squidward! |
Squidward: Is it time already for you to ruin my day? | Squidward! Help me! My house is shrinking and I woke up this morning and it was getting smaller and smaller, The walls are closing in on me, Squidward, Gary is terrified too! Oh no! |
Squidward: Yep, it is. Patrick: Is it time already to ruin Squid's day? Hey, SpongeBob, don't start without me! Nematodes: | Ohh... nematodes. The only thing left of my house is this little pebble. |
Squidward: What's going on here? | I've got bad news, guys! Look at what happened to my house! It's gone! It's all gone. What am I going to do? Where am I going to live? |
Squidward: Yeah... Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, your house is gone! Squidward: Well, what can I say? It's been great knowing you, SpongeBob. Good luck, somewhere else. I'm gonna miss you. Boo-hoo. Boo-hoo. Boo-hoo! Patrick: Squid's taking it real hard. So what are you gonna do now? | I guess I'll have to move back with my mom and dad. |
Patrick: No, wait a minute, no you don't. We can build you a new house! | We can't build a house! |
Patrick: Well, sure, it's easy! I built my house all by myself! | Alright, Patrick, lets get to work! |
Patrick: Ow! Ow! Ow! Patrick: We're done! | Yeah! So what do you think? |
Patrick: I wish I lived there. | Really? |
Patrick: No. | One bedroom. |
Patrick: Tartar sauce. | Well, looks like we've got to move back with Mom and Pop. |
Patrick: Well, you can't move back in with your parents! When my parents kicked me out of the house, I never went back. Wait! You and Gary can come stay with me! | That'd be great! |
Patrick: Yeah! We'll be rockmates! Good night, SpongeBob. | Good night, rockmate. |
Gary: Meow. | Good night, Gary. Oh...what the...? |
Patrick: Oh! A spiders! Spiders! Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me! Get 'em off! Get 'em off, off me! Off, off, off! | No, Patrick, no, Patrick, no, wake up! No, wake up! No, it's me! I'm SpongeBob! |
Patrick: Spiders! Spiders! Spiders! Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me! | Ow, ow, ow, oh, oh, ow, ow, ow, ow! Squidward? Squidward? |
Squidward: H-h-huh? | Squidward? |
Squidward: Whoa. Huh? Wha-what? | Squidward, could we stay here a couple of days or a month or two? |
Squidward: Uh, yeah, wha-wha-whatever. | Thanks. Thanks, Squidward. Squidward, could you scoot over a little? |
Squidward: Uh, oh, yeah, sure. | While you're at it, could you get me a glass of water? |
Squidward: Okay. Hmmm, yeah, sure. | Yeah, this is a real swell place you got here. Thanks, buddy. |
Squidward: Uh-huh. Y-you're welcome. | Yeah, I like sleepovers. |
Squidward: Yeah. Me, too. | Yep, this is great. Good night, Squidward. |
Squidward: Good night, SpongeBob. Good night, SpongeBob. Tum-ta-dum! Today's the big day, Squidward! Don't wanna be late! Gotta hurry! Hold it! Hold everything! I would not want to miss this. The day SpongeBob moves! I can't believe it's really happening. | Don't worry, Squidward. I'll come visit you. |
Squidward: Don't try to cheer me up, SpongeBob. Please. | Here come my parents. |
Mrs. SquarePants: SpongeBob! Hi, honey, we're here! Mr. SquarePants: Come on, SpongeBob, hurry, hurry, son, your mother has dinner waiting. | Hi, Mom. |
Squidward: Hello, Mrs. SquarePants! Let me help you with these bags. | Just give me a minute. I cannot hold onto you any longer, little pebble. You hold too many memories. Well, Squidward, this is goodbye. |
Squidward: Goodbye, SpongeBob, goodbye. Goodbye, SpongeBob. Bye-bye-bye. Goodbye, SpongeBob. Ha-ha. Goodbye, goodbye. Mrs. Squarepants: Come on, SpongeBob. | Goodbye, Patrick. Goodbye, Bikini Bottom. |
Squidward: SpongeBob is leaving. He's leaving, he's leaving! La, la, la, la, la, la, la ha ha ha ha! He leaving, ha ha! SpongeBob is leaving, he's leaving! | My house is back! Aww! Good old pineapple! It was exactly where it used to be! Aww, Squidward, isn't this great? I'm back forever! |
Squidward: Forever? Plankton: And so passes another sleepless night, haunted by my inability to steal even a single Krabby Patty. Karen: Maybe today will be the day? Plankton: Thank you for your patronizing words, computer wife. Karen: Do you even have a plan? Plankton: Plan, shman. I'm going to wing it. What's the worst thing that could happen? I'm in. That was easy. Maybe today is the day I'm going to steal the Krabby Patty formula... | Careful, Plankton, I just mopped there. |
Mr. Krabs: Look at you, Plankton. Once again, you've fallen flat on your back in a pathetic attempt to steal me formula. Though you've tried and tried, you haven't had the smallest nibble of my delicious formula. And you never will! How do you sleep at night, no wonder you're a complete failure? Charlie: There really should be a Wet Floor sign. Nat Peterson: Yeah, if that were me who slipped, I'd sue old man Krabs for all he's got. Plankton: Does that include the Krabby Patty formula? Charlie: Of course. Plankton: Oh, the pain! I can't feel my arms and legs! I think they're broken. I'll have to sue for my pain and suffering. Mr. Krabs: Sue?! Female Customer #1: Oh, that looks bad. Dennis: Uh-oh. Nazz: Poor little man. Mr. Krabs: Wait! Hold up a second! Plankton, we don't need to drag this little incident into court, do we? Plankton: Well... if you transfer the Krabby Patty formula to me, I'll forget your gross negligence. Mr. Krabs: Scoundrel! You'll have me formula when you pry it from me lifeless claws! Plankton: See you in court, Krabs! Uh, I mean... Oh, the pain! The deep-frying pain! Mr. Krabs: I'm in a blue ruin. I'm doomed! | Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I will do whatever it takes to keep the Krusty Krab formula from getting into Plankton's evil hands. |
Mr. Krabs: What I really need is a good lawyer. Richard: Hello, did somebody say lawyer? Richard A. Bottomfeeder, Attorney at Law. I couldn't help but notice that despicable display. Mr. Krabs: So, uhh, how much is this going to cost me? Richard: Actually, I won't charge you a dime unless we win. Richard: In fact, I think we should counter sue for everything Plankton owns. Richard: Does that happen a lot? | No, they're usually silver. Um, Mr. Krabs? |
Mr. Krabs: What is it, lad? | I thought you might want to hear my testimony for when you call me as a character witness. I've been rehearsing it. |
Mr. Krabs: Actually, SpongeBob, we won't be needing any testimony from you. Why, you'll be more of a... of a liability than an asset. | But I... |
Mr. Krabs: Ah, run along. Make things ship-shape for my victory celebration. I've got to get to the courthouse early. There's only a few free parking places. Richard: Oh, this is going to be a slam-dunk! | Oh no! Mr. Krabs' lawyer! Speak to me! |
Richard: Wracked...with pain...can't move. | But what about Mr. Krabs' case? |
Richard: Looks like you're going to have to handle this one, son. | But, I'm a...a liability. |
Richard: Everything you need to win... is in this here case. | Really? Everything? |
Richard: Uh huh. Everything but a suit. | A suit? Wonder where I could get a suit. |
Plankton: I'll give you one last chance. I'll drop the charges if you give me the formula. Mr. Krabs: Never, you little runt! Plankton: Oww, oww! My wittle arm! Mr. Krabs: What? No. I didn't lay a claw on him. Plankton: Oww! My other arm! Mr. Krabs: He's lying! Bah! Tom: Court will come to order. The Honorable Judge Stickleback presiding. Stickleback: Mr. Krabs, where is your attorney? Mr. Krabs: I don't know where he could be. | Here I am! |
Stickleback: Thank you for joining us, Mr...uhh... | SpongeBob LawyerPants, your honor. |
Mr. Krabs: What are you doing here, SpongeBob? | Your lawyer, umm, fell down on the job, but don't worry, Mr. Krabs, I have everything under control. It's uhh, all in here . |
Mr. Krabs: Really? | Yep, right in here. |
Mr. Krabs: Is there a problem? | Umm... your lawyer didn't give me the combination. |
Lawyer: Is the plaintiff ready to proceed? Plankton: Yes, your honor. I'll try. I wasn't always the tortured shell of a protozoa that writhes in pain before you today. I... was a vibrant, carefree, happy-go-lucky, single cell. Mr. Krabs: Pull yourself together, boy. Plankton: Then came the fateful day that I paid an innocent visit to the deathtrap known as the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs: How's it coming, lad? | Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I'm on the case. |
Plankton: Upon entering said establishment, I found myself without any warning, slipping and finally falling onto a hard, unforgiving floor that had been intentionally covered with a viscous fluid. | Bombs away! |
Plankton: Ahem! Are you quite finished? | Mm-hmm. |
Plankton: Now where was I? Oh yeah. But the worst part is...my dreams of completing a marathon like I promised my old Grammy have been dashed. I'm...I'm sorry Gram-Gram! Sorry! Thank you for your kind attention. Suckers. Stickleback: Does the defense... have an opening statement? | Yes, your honor. Poor Gram-Gram! |
Plankton: Mr. Krabs, can you identify this item? Mr. Krabs: It's a wet floor sign. Plankton: Do you own one? Mr. Krabs: Uhh...well...umm...No, I don't. No, no! You don't understand! I had to make some tough business decisions and the sign seemed... superfluous. Court Audience: Guilty. Guilty, guilty, guilty. Plankton: No more questions. Stickleback: Your witness, Mr. LawyerPants. | Huh? |
Stickleback: Sometime today, Mr. Pants. | May it please the court, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. My client has been called cheap , miserly and chronically tight-fisted. But, if he were as cheap as the prosecution claims he is, would he be able to sit there quietly, while I took out a dollar and dropped it in the blender? |
Mr. Krabs: No! No-no! No! Daddy's got ya. Daddy's got ya. Daddy's here. A little glue, a little tape. It'll be right as rain. Daddy didn't forget ya. Stickleback: Does the defense have any witness to call? | Yes, your honor. Defense calls Squidward to the stand. |
Mr. Krabs: Ahh, Squidward, a loyal employee. | Mr., uhh, Squidward, is it? My client has been called cheap. Would you agree with that ludicrous statement? |
Squidward: Yes. Mr. Krabs: What?! | Allow me to rephrase the question. Can you tell the court of some instance of Mr. Krabs' generosity in any way? |
Squidward: Nope. Can I go now? One day off in three years and I have to spend it testifying? Mr. Krabs: Must...open...case. | So it was you who made the floor slippery, wasn't it? Answer the question! Need I remind you that you, sir are under oath? |
Mr. Krabs: I'm doomed. Mr. Krabs: You may as well give up on that case, me boy. My goose is cooked. | Mr. Krabs, I'm surprised at you! We can't give up just because things look bleak. This trial will be won by what's in your heart, not what's in this dumb old case. It's open! |
Mr. Krabs: It's... It's just his lunch. Or is it? | Defense calls Plankton to the stand. Why did you go into the Krusty Krab that day? |
Plankton: To, you know. Say hello to my once good friend, Mr. Krabs. What? | Are you sure it wasn't to make off with one of these? Gotcha. Weren't you there to steal the formula of the most delicious, sweet smelling sandwich known to Bikini Bottom? Krabby Patty... |
Plankton: Uhh...uhh...uhh I can't take it! Gimme! Gimme, gimme, gimme! Yippee! Finally it's mine! Mr. Krabs: I'll take that! Plankton: Huh? No, no, no! Mr. Krabs: Once again, Plankton, the sweetest of life's joys has eluded your grasp. Plankton: No, no, no, no! Stickleback: Has the jury reached a verdict? Tom: We have, your honor. We find the defendant not guilty...but he is cheap. Mr. Krabs: Thank you, SpongeBob. I was foolish not to accept your help from the beginning. | That's okay, Mr. Krabs. I made you a present. |
Mr. Krabs: A present? For me? | Close your eyes and hold out your hand. It's a wet floor sign. I made it myself. |
Mr. Krabs: Well, it'll do. After all, it's free! | Order up! |
Mr. Krabs: How's it looking out there, boy? | Like two more satisfied regulars, Mr. K. |
Mr. Krabs: I ain't interested in same old regulars, SpongeBob! So I took out an ad in the Bikini Bottom Examiner to bring in some new customers! Twas a bargain too. Only cost me a nickel. So tell me now, boy. How many new customers we got out there so far? | Oooh, let me see there was... none. |
Mr. Krabs: What?! What do you mean none? Don't these people read the paper? Oooh, this thing hasn't been touched in months. While that paper's selling like Krabby Patties. Uh, pardon me, sir. Could I interest you in a copy of the Examiner, this fine day? Nat: Ha! Nobody reads the Examiner, bud. It's all full of boring charts and facts! The Bottomfeeder's where it's at! It's got like interesting stories and stuff. Mr. Krabs: Fishboy Strikes Again? Wait a minute, aren't these stories a little less than truthful? Nat: I don't know. But they're selling! Mr. Krabs: Yes, they certainly are. Please, allow me. Abigail: Thank you! Mr. Krabs: No, thank you. Now let's see how much they charge for advertising. 25¢ per word?! The newspaper business sure is easy money! That gives me an idea! | What a fantabulastical day! Eh, Squiddy? |
Squidward: Yep, another wonderful humdrum day slinging burgers. Mr. Krabs: Off of your duff, boy! You think I spent all last night assembling this printing press, so you could laze around all day? From now on you'll be twice as busy. And I expect you to wear 2 hats. 'Cause along with your usual fry cooking duties, you're my new lead reporter for the new Krabby Kronicle! | Oh! My very own press badge! |
Mr. Krabs: That's right, boy! And here's your very own camera! So you'll need it to document all them juicy stories you're gonna write. Now what are you waiting for, boy? | On the thirst for a juicy story, eh? Hmm, but what kind of story is juicy enough to quench their dry news gullets? I don't even know where to begin to look. No news to report here. Stop the presses, it's Patrick! And he appears to be waiting for the bus! This is the kind of breaking story my readers are waiting for! Patrick Star, I'm Scoop SquarePants from the Krabby Kronicle. Everyone's wondering, what bus are you taking today? |
Patrick: Oh, I'm not taking a bus, SpongeBob. I am watching this pole. So the next time it moves, I will see it! | Whoa, this story is juicy! |
Mr. Krabs: What a money-tastical day! Eh, Mr. Squidward? Squidward: Yeah, I'm just breaking it in. Mr. Krabs: I'm excited about all the newspaper sales, too. Squidward: We haven't sold any papers today. Mr. Krabs: What do you mean we haven't sold any newspapers? Certainly this gentlemen would like a copy of the Krabby Kronicle. Frank: Looks boring. Can I just have a Krabby Patty? Mr. Krabs: Too boring? SpongeBob! What's the meaning of this?! | Meaning of what, Mr. Krabs? |
Mr. Krabs: Local Resident Watches Pole? No one's gonna pay to read this malarkey! When you write these stories, you've gotta use a little imagination, boy. | Imagination! |
Mr. Krabs: Yeah. Maybe instead of Man Watches Pole, you could say something like... oh... Man Marries Pole. Then you can alter the photo a little to fit the headline and, see? Now that's a juicy story! | Mr. Krabs, isn't that lying? |
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