Non-SpongeBob Dialogue
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Sandy: No, silly! How about S for save our skins? Yee-haw! Now this is what I call a rodeo! We'll be nice and safe up here! We did it! | Yay! He'll never get out of there! |
Sandy: We saved the town! | Yay! Let's go tell everybody! |
Patrick: PUSH!!!! PUSH!!!! Citizens: Hooray! Worm: Ouuuuuch... | Easy... Perfection! |
Squidward: Is number 5's order ready yet, SpongeBob? | Just a second, Squidward. Well, Krabby Patty, it's time for you to go now. You grew up so fast, I... Oh, I promised myself I wouldn't do this. Just take it Squidward, take it away. |
Squidward: Oh, brother. Number 5. Number 5! | That's me! Mmm. My compliments to the chef! Hello, what's this? |
Mr. Krabs: Come out here, boy. | Mr. Krabs? |
Mr. Krabs: Hush boy, or you'll give away the location of me hidey-hole. | What's a hidey-hole? |
Mr. Krabs: It's where I hide me treasure. Catch! Let's get that chest to the office, boy, pronto! | What's in this thing? Treasure? |
Mr. Krabs: A treasure trove of sorts. It's me memory chest from my years in the navy. | Why'd you dig up your navy chest, sir? |
Mr. Krabs: Well, my navy buddies and I are having a reunion. And I wanted to wear me old uniform. | Wow, look at all your cool navy stuff! What's that? |
Mr. Krabs: Arrgh! It's me first tattoo. | Neat. |
Mr. Krabs: And this is me 'Manly Toughness Trophy'. | How'd you win that? |
Mr. Krabs: By being the toughest of the tough! | Wow! Oh-oh. Who are those guys? |
Mr. Krabs: Me shipmates. The toughest bunch to ever sail the briny deep. There's 'Ol Iron Eye, , and Mutton Chop, , me, , Torpedo Belly, , and Lockjaw Jones. | Did you have a cool nickname, Mr. Krabs? |
Mr. Krabs: Of course! I was called Armor Abs Krabs. | You were? |
Mr. Krabs: What do you mean? | Well, I guess you were thinner back then. |
Mr. Krabs: Oh, really? This is me navy cadet uniform. Prepare to eat your words 'cause I haven't put on more than a couple of pounds. Ok, maybe I'm a bit bigger. But I'm still the toughest of the tough. Go ahead, lad, give em a punch. | You want me to punch you in the stomach? |
Mr. Krabs: Not in the stomach! In me armor abs! | wow, my entire arm disintegrated. |
Mr. Krabs: I still got it. Now be a good lad and go get your station in ship shape. And leave an old sea-dog to revel in his memories. | Aye, aye, sir! Alright, let's get this place ship shape. You men, stop laying around! To battle stations. All hands on deck! Set course for full flavor. Ketchup and mustard off the port bow. One Krabby Patty ready to set sail. |
Mr. Krabs: No! | Mr. Krabs. Hello? Mr. Krabs? You alright? Are you sleepy? Mr. Krabs! I don't smell his pulse. What's that? Is somebody there? |
Mr. Krabs: Don't look at me! Leave me be! | You're alive! And naked... |
Mr. Krabs: It's true. I've molted. | What's molted? |
Mr. Krabs: It's when a crab gets too fat- um, er, outgrows his shell. It falls off! | Wow. |
Mr. Krabs: 'Armor Abs Krabs' can't show up at the reunion like this. All pink and soft and unmanly. I'm all flab and no ab! | Barnacles! |
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! | Sorry about the foul language, Mr. Krabs, but you're acting like there never was a man in that shell. The Krabs of his navy days was fearless. He wouldn't let something as insignificant as a missing shell slow him down. |
Mr. Krabs: Yeah. | Who cares how silly, pink & fleshy you look. How non-threatening, limp & soft you are. How... ...oops. |
Mr. Krabs: I can't go anywhere ever again. Stupid, no good... | Wow, it sure is dark in here. Look, Mr. Krabs, I'm you! |
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're a genius. | Well, I'm glad you got my point. It's not about what's on the outside. It's what's on the in... |
Mr. Krabs: No, you barnacle brain. Not your silly metaphor. You, in me shell. It gives me an idea. You can go to the reunion and pretend to be me. | I get to be a navy buddy? |
Mr. Krabs: Course, you'll need some time to approximate me personality. | Oh, that'll be a snap. Squidward and I have been doing it behind your back for years. |
Mr. Krabs: Alright, show me what you got. | Look at me, I'm Mr Krabs. I love money. |
Mr. Krabs: Heh heh, say that ain't half-bad. | I once won a marathon because someone dropped a penny at the finish line. |
Mr. Krabs: That's me. | Every night, I tuck me wallet in and tell it a bedtime story. Goodnight, wallety. |
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, okay, I get the point. | Oh, what's that you say? Me daughter, Pearl, needs an operation? I'll do it me self and save a nickel. |
Mr. Krabs: That'll do, SpongeBob. | Well, here goes...wow. I've never seen so many manly naval men. So tough, so brave, so...clever. And I'm one of them! |
Mr. Krabs: No you're not. Don't blow this for me, SpongeBob. | I won't let you down, sir. |
Mutton Chop: Armor Abs Krabs. Come join your navy buddies in a toast. | Coming! |
Mr. Krabs: Oh, what have I done? | Okay, boys, let the SS Party drop anchor right here. |
Mr. Krabs: I've created a monster. Lockjaw Jones: Here's some grog. You still like pineapple, right? | Like pineapple? I live in one. |
Torpedo Belly: That Ol' Krabs is manly as ever. Mr. Krabs: I don't believe it. SpongeBob is pulling it off. Mutton Chop: Hey, Armor Abs, Ol' Iron Eye here has been itching to punch your legendary gut. | Well, if you think you're man enough. |
Mr. Krabs: Uh-oh, this could be bad. | Fire the torpedoes. |
Mutton Chop: What do you say, Krabs? Just like old times. Lockjaw Jones: A tooth. Torpedo Belly: Teeth. Now, that's manly. Mr. Krabs: He did it. Captain: Alright, me swabbys, it's time to award the trophy of manly toughness. To a man who's toughness has stewed the test of time. And that man is: Eugene Armor Abs Krabs! Come up here , Krabs. Mr. Krabs: This is the best night of my life. Me naval buddies still think I'm manly. And I didn't have to shed myself. Naval Buddies: Armor Abs! Armor Abs! Armor Abs! | Thanks for the trophy, everybody. |
Naval Buddies: Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! | I...uhh... |
Mr. Krabs: Say something. | Let me spin you a manly yarn. |
Mr. Krabs: 'Atta boy. | So there I was, in Jellyfish Fields. |
Mr. Krabs: I'm doomed. | Me supply of bubble soap was dangerously low. And as I blew my last bubble... |
Mutton Chop: Did he say Jellyfish Fields? Iron Eye: Blowing bubbles? Mutton Chop: Uhh, what were you doing in Jellyfish Fields? | Why, jellyfishing, of course. |
Naval Buddies: Huh? Mr. Krabs: Phone call for Mr. Krabs! Get off the stage. | Oh, well, I gotta go. Uhh, thanks. |
Torpedo Belly: Where do you think you're going? Everybody knows there's two things Ol' Armor Abs Krabs would never do. Mr. Krabs: Oh no. Lockjaw Jones: Number one, is spend a penny. Torpedo Belly: And the other one, is leave without giving Ol' Torpedo Belly one of your world famous steely belly butts. Haha | Oh, I thought you'd see through my ruse. I mean, arr, you don't think I was just gonna collect this here trophy of manly toughness without reminding you silly livers why you give it to me in the first place. Let's have it. No holding back. Give it your all. |
Mr. Krabs: I can't watch. Torpedo Belly: Armor Abs? | Well, uhh, I-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i, I guess I'll take my manly toughness trophy and head home now. See you around manville, boys, uhh, men. |
Mr. Krabs: No! He's not Eugene Krabs. I am. Alright, lads, take a good look. This is who I am. I've molted me shell and I'm vulnerable. But I'm certainly no bubble-blowing jellyfisher. No offense, SpongeBob. | None taken, Mr. Krabs. |
Mr. Krabs: C'mon, lad, let's go home. Mutton Chop: Wait a minute! You've forgotten something. Mr. Krabs: I don't understand. Mutton Chop: Admitting you lost your shell is the toughest thing I've ever seen. And, uhh, I have a confession. These are fake! Torpedo Belly: Over here. Mr. Krabs: You, too, Torpedo Belly? Torpedo Belly: Actually, I had my torpedo removed long ago. Lockjaw Jones: And these aren't the same choppers that I had in the navy. Iron Eye: My iron eye is actually made of Formica. | Look at that, Mr. Krabs. Your navy buddies all had something to hide. |
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, poor suckers. At least my shell will grow back. | Mr. Krabs, what 'cha doin'? |
Mr. Krabs: Oh ahoy, SpongeBob! I was just using some old toothpaste I found to patch up this small hole in the wall. Squidward: Good thing you didn't hire a professional to do that. Mr. Krabs: And why is that, Mr. Squidward? Squidward: Because then you'd only get to repair it once. | So, what flavor is it? |
Mr. Krabs: It-it-it's just a hole in the wall, boy. It doesn't have a flavor. | No, I mean the toothpaste! |
Mr. Krabs: Oh. Well I think it's... | Hey, look Mr. Krabs! That small hole in the wall just became a medium-sized hole in the wall! |
Squidward: Time to get out the dental floss. Ha! Boy 1: Thanks again for taking us to the Krusty Krab, dad. Boy 2: Yeah. Mom never brings us here! Frank: Ha. Any time kids. What the? | Careful now... |
Frank: Hey, you guys put in a drive thru! Mr. Krabs: We did? Frank: Great, I'll have three large Krabby Patties, Krabby Fries, a Krabby Cola, and two extra large orders of Krabby Rings. Is this toothpaste? Mr. Krabs: Boy, I don't know how I think think of this stuff, but I think I got a winner! We are putting in a drive thru! | A drive--- whoa! |
Squidward: Sounds like a lot of extra work to me. Mr. Krabs: You mean for you. Squidward: It'll cost you money. Mr. Krabs: Oh nonsense, we'll build it for free! | Hi, Mr. Krabs. |
Mr. Krabs: Ahoy, SpongeBob. What's with all the booty? | I got this microphone system so we can hear what the customers order, this neat sign with a menu on it, and this colorful arrow so they know where to go. It even lights up, see? |
Mr. Krabs: Well, that's great SpongeBob, but I already got a bunch of stuff that's better: A menu board made with old napkins and packing tape, a microphone I made with some rusty tin cans I found, and this sign... I made from an old noodle. | I don't get it, Mr. Krabs. How is this stuff better than the things I bought? |
Mr. Krabs: I'm sorry, what? | How is this stuff better? |
Mr. Krabs: Because it was... Free! Frankie Billy: I'll have a medium fries, a large Krabby Patty, and a medium drink. Squidward: Comin' right up, sir. SpongeBob, I need a medium fries, a large Krabby Patty, and a medium drink. | I'll have that ready in two shakes in a lamprey's tail! That oughta' fix it! Thank you, come again. |
Mr. Krabs: Yes, you like it here, don't you? Can I help you? A bill?! What's this for? Frankie Billy: It's for my dry cleaning. It seems as though your new drive-through window is a little on the challenge side. Size-wise, I mean. Mr. Krabs: There, problem solved! French Narrator: Meanwhile... Squidward: SpongeBob, two large, two medium. I hate my job. Dale: Excuse me? I'd like to place an order please. Mr. Krabs: Ahoy, Squidward. Squidward: Mr. Krabs, I am getting really tired of running back and forth. I find it both exhausting and time consuming. Mr. Krabs: Squidward: Oh, wonderful. Peachy... Now how am I supposed to get to SpongeBob so I can hand him these order tickets here? Mr. Krabs: Problem solved! | Squidward! Hi! |
Squidward: Oh it's days like this that make me wish I had gone to college. Plankton: Now I'll be able to get a Krabby Patty the simplest way possible: By ordering one! Ahem! I would like to order one Krabby Patty please! Uh, extra secret formula! Hello?! Is this stupid thing on?! Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward! Any customers? Squidward: None that I can hear. Mr. Krabs: Oh! Here comes one now! Plankton: Hey. Hey! Go around! Go around! Old man: Large Krabby Patty with fries please. Squidward: With fries. Got it. We'll have that right out to you sir. Old Man: What? You're closed?! Now she tells me... Squidward: There you are sir. The ketchup's in the b-- What? Did somebody order a Krabby Patty? Nobody, huh? Okay, I'll just toss it in the trash. French Narrator: Later... Pearl: I sure am in a jovial mood! How about you guys? Girl 1: You bet, Pearl! Girl 2: Oh, I'm feeling especially jovial. You know, being a teenager and all! Squidward: Welcome to the Krusty Krab drive thru. Can I take your order? Pearl: Hey, you guys. It sounds like that weird guy Squidward. What do you say we play a prank on him? Girl 2: Ooh! Sounds like a great idea to me! Being a teenager and all! Two large Krabby Patties, please! With fries! Squidward: Owwwww! I'm not faking it you know. That really hurt. A lot. Mr. Krabs: A bill?! And what is this for? Squidward: It's for my ear-replacement surgery! We need a real microphone and speaker! Mr. Krabs: You have any idea how much a real microphone and speaker cost?! Squidward: How much? Mr. Krabs: Well... they cost as much as... as uh... as a... real microphone and... speaker. French Narrator: Just then. Larry: Whoa, whoa. Woopsie! Mr. Krabs: Hey! You delinquent! Squidward: Now you'll have to replace it. Mr. Krabs: Replace what? Squidward: The microphone! Mr. Krabs: What do I look like, I'm made out of tin cans? Squidward: No, but that pile of tin cans over there is. Mr. Krabs: Good thing we got you around to always point out the obvious. Squidward: Good thing you're around to never notice the obvious! Larry: Sorry about that, dude. Mr. Krabs: Well, that's nice! I'm still billing you for the damages! | One Krabby Meal! To go! |
Larry: Hand it on up here! | Sure thing, Larry! |
Larry: Come on, bro! You can do it! Or maybe not. | Mr. Krabs, I'm concerned. |
Mr. Krabs: Oh? Why, SpongeBob? | Because I can't reach the window of Larry the Lobster's S.U.B.! |
Mr. Krabs: Yeah... Well there's a solution to every problem! There! Problem solved! Hey! What's all the ruckourous about!? Whoa... Millie: Hey! What's the hold up?! Man 1: How long you gonna make us wait?! Man 2: We're waiting here for hours! Harold: We're still waiting... in our driveway! Mr. Krabs: Squidward! There's a line of customers out there a million miles long! Squidward: That's nice. That's interesting. Mr. Krabs: I guess I'll be retiring early after all! Policeman: Mr. Eugene Krabs? Mr. Krabs: Yes? What? Is this a-a-a ticket?! Policeman: A ticket? Now why would I write you a ticket? Huh? Oh, I know! How about for turning the whole town into a parking lot?! Mr. Krabs: Ah! But officer! I a... I a... Listen! Policeman: Relax man, that's just my order. I want two Krabby Patties and Kelp Fries to go! I don't wait in lines! Mr. Krabs: Oh sure! Right! Phew! SpongeBob, can you get the kind officer two- | -Krabby Patties and Kelp Fries to go, sir? Anything for our boys in blue! |
Mr. Krabs: There you go, officer! And thanks for being so understanding! If you know what I mean? No charge. Policeman: You're welcome. Just hope the mayor doesn't find out about this mess. He's the one you need to worry about! Mayor. Mayor: Eugene Krabs! Mr. Krabs: Mr. Mayor! Mayor: The whole town is in a stand-still because your drive thru is so slow! Mr. Krabs: Well... don't you worry, Mr. Mayor! There's an answer for that, too! There you go! See, now we got two drive thrus, two lines, and I'll make money twice as fast! Mayor: Hmm! That should work perfectly! | Okay! Who had the Double Krabby Patty with fries and extra chee-? |
Squidward: SpongeBob! Order up! | I'm on it! |
Squidward: Hurry, SpongeBob! I got 26 more orders! | 26 orders up! |
Squidward: No, no, no! Not that window! The other one! | Squidward, are you sure?! These customers over here look really, really hungry! |
Squidward: And these ones don't?! Lenny: Hey, hey, hey, watch it, will ya?! I just had this thing repainted! Frank (lifeguard): And I just had this repainted! Lenny: I see you used the extra-glossy... Plankton: Chum nuggets here! Going fast! Get 'em while they're cold! Get 'em while they're runny! Looks like Krabs' drive thru is really paying off... for me! Oh no... not again. Old Man: Oh darn it! Now there's a line! Plankton: Watch where you're going, old man! This is the second time! Old Man: I'm too old to wait in lines! Plankton: Chum Nuggets... get 'em before my arm falls off... Mr. Krabs: They're everywhere! Squidward: Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs: Stay back! Take Squidward, not me! Oh, hi Squidward. | Mr. Krabs! We gotta do something! The customers are mad with hunger! They're beginning to riot! |
Squidward: For once, he's right! Mr. Krabs: Easy, boys! Easy! Don't you think you're both getting a little carried away? I mean, I hardly call this a riot! Right? Like- Oh... kay... Don't worry! I can solve this! More drive thrus! More money! Mr. Krabs: Hey? Is somebody eating potato chips? | Don't worry, Mr. Krabs! We can fix it! We might need to buy some more toothpaste though. |
Squidward: Okay, would you like any fries with that? Customer #1: Uh, Hey, if I get some kelp fries, would you guys share them with me? Jimmy: Do we know you? Customer #1: Two orders of kelp fries, please. Squidward: And two orders of— Customer #1: I only said one order. Squidward: But you said two. Customer #1: Okay, I'll have two. Squidward: SpongeBob, order up. Welcome to The Krusty— SpongeBob, what in Neptune's... SpongeBob? Well, his spatula's still warm. Well, SpongeBob. I must admit this is strange behavior, even for you. Mr. Krabs: Ahoy, Squidward. Good Neptune, SpongeBob. What has gotten into to you, son? Squidward: I think he's in some kind of self-induced trance. Mr. Krabs: No, Squidward. This is worse. he's got the thousand-yard stare. I had it once meself back in me service days. What is it, lad? Quick, we're losing money! It's the boy's tiny calendar. And he has circled today's date. Important Food Critic visits Krusty Krab?! Squidward: That's what's causing all this? Only a complete moron would worry about what some critic has to say. I rest my case. Hey, in or out, mister? You're letting out the A.C. Weirdo. Mr. Krabs: Why, hello! You're the television food critic Gene Scallop, aren't ya? Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Eugene Krabs, owner and proprietor of this fine... Squidward: Well, do you want to order something or do you just want to block my reading light? Mr. Krabs: Squidward, you just drove away Gene Scallop! Don't you know our lives depend on his review? Squidward: Mr. Krabs, the only thing my life depends on is going home at 6:00. Mr. Krabs: M— Mr. Scallop, wait, please! Before you go, come on, sit down. Try one of our delicious Krabby Patties. It's absolutely— Complimentary. Okay, SpongeBob, that'll be all. He's nobody. We're doomed! Barbara: And there were no survivors. Bob: Thank you, Barbara. Barbara: Thank you, Bob. Squidward: She is so tacky. Bob: And now it's time for Bottom Feeding with Gene Scallop. Mr. Krabs: Turn it up, Squidward. Gene Scallop: Thank you, Bob. This week, I visited-- Bob: You're welcome, Gene. Gene Scallop: This week, I reviewed The Krusty Krab restaurant, a local burger joint that's second to none; or should I say second to run, since this critic wanted to make like a banana and peel out the minute he saw how drab this Krab really was. Barbara: That bad, huh, Gene? Gene Scallop: Barbara, once I stuck my beak through that door, my appetite flew South for the winter. I mean, I'm not kidding when I say this restaurant smells like the rear-end of a goat. Bob: And how was the service, Gene? Gene Scallop: You could find livelier help in a graveyard and I'm not just coffin. The management stunk so bad, I had to get my sweater dry cleaned on the way home... with me in it. Mr. Krabs: Hey, no, wait! Wait! Gene Scallop: However, at the end of my visit, I chowed down on a meal that titillated my taste buds and gratified my gullet. That sponge behind the grill is no square when it comes to cooking. If Krabs really wanted to soak up the dough, he'd sponge it up, he'd sponge it out, he'd over-sponge it. You can never have too much sponge. | Well, back to work. |
Mr. Krabs: That's me boy, SpongeBob! That's me boy. | La, la, la, la, la, la! Wow. |
Mr. Krabs: Okay, a little lower, lower— that's perfect! | Good morning, sir. What's with the new sign? |
Mr. Krabs: Oh, just making a few cosmetic changes. | Oh, you mean like when Squidward had that mole taken of his— |
Mr. Krabs: Umm— yeah, a little bit like that. | Morning, Squidward! Ooh! Squidward, where did you find those shoes? |
Tyler: Look, it's him! Mr. SquarePants, can I have your autograph? Squidward: No. Tyler: But, why? Squidward: Well, the first reason is, I have no use of my arms. See? Tyler: Ow! Mr. Krabs: Hey, what's going on over here? Tyler: He hit me, just as I wanted his autograph! Mr. Krabs: Squidward! I'm sorry, little girl. Of course you can have his autograph— for five bucks. Tyler: What a rip! Mr. Krabs: Look at these, Squidward! Squidward: Looks like some horrific shroud. Mr. Krabs: They're our new Krusty Sponge napkins! Extra absorbent. Squidward: You really need to see a doctor. Mr. Krabs: Oh, that reminds me, Squidward. I need you to unpack these boxes. Squidward: What's in them? Mr. Krabs: Condiments. We got Tangy Spongy Sauce and Mild Bobby Sauce for the not-so-daring. Squidward: Oh, clever. | Captain! My spatula's missing, sir! |
Mr. Krabs: I got it right here. Here you go, Squidward. You're on grill duty now. Squidward: But that's SpongeBob's job! Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, Squidward. I got something else lined up for him. Step right up, folks! Take a ride on The Krusty Sponge Fun Train! Tickets are only $1.98. Seat belts not included. Squidward: Okay, how am I going to do this now? Umm— Mommy, is that you? | Mr. Krabs, I really think I should be getting back to the grill now. |
Mr. Krabs: Are you kidding, lad? Just look at these paying customers! Who's ready for another lap? Keep on truckin', SpongeBob. I've got some important business to see to in me office. Squidward: Mr. Krabs? Uh, this is a bad time, isn't it? Mr. Krabs: No! Squidward: Well, there are some men out back with a delivery and want you to sign. Mr. Krabs: Okay, tell them I'll be right out. Squidward: Got it. Ow! Mr. Krabs: And let's watch the language, Squidward! Joe: Just sign here, here and here. Mr. Krabs: My pleasure. Squidward: What the heck is all this stuff? Mr. Krabs: I'm glad you asked. We got SpongeBob drinking straws— coasters— bibs— and me personal favorite, SpongeBob ice cubes! Aww. Squidward: Mr. Krabs, don't you think you might be taking all this a little bit too far? Mr. Krabs: Get back to work, SpongeBob! I'll be in me SpongeBob if you SpongeBob me. Whoops! There you go, Squidward. Squidward: Now what? Mr. Krabs: Oh, you're going to love this. Spongy Patties! Squidward: Spongy Patties? Mr. Krabs: Yeah. I want you to start using them instead of the other ones. Squidward: Where'd you get them? Mr. Krabs: They were just the boxes of patties we didn't have room for in the freezer. They turned yellow. Got to keep those SpongeBob ice cubes somewhere, you know. Squidward: You mean to tell me you actually expect people to pay $1.98 for a rotten patty? Mr. Krabs: Squidward, you're right! All this instant success must be scrambling my brains! We'll make them $2.98! | All aboard... |
Nat: Hey, we didn't pay $3.00 to watch you take a nap! Sadie: That's the worst SpongeBob costume I've ever seen! Ride, ride, ride, ride, ride, ride, ride, ride, ride, ride! | Oh, boy. What a day. What's next? A zombie invasion? Mr. Krabs, open up! We're being attacked by a bunch of zombies that look like me! |
Mr. Krabs: Uh, go away, please, I'm busy. | Please, you don't understand! They're all splotchy and yellow with distended bellies! Open up, open up, open up! |
Mr. Krabs: Who? | Mr. Krabs? |
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob— Great Neptune's mother's stockings! Zombies— they're here to eat me money! | Wait! They're not zombies, Mr. Krabs. They're your customers— look! |
Sandals: I ate this yellow Krabby Patty and now I feel sick. Bailiff: Krabby Patty? Man, you've got some serious problems. If you're trying to pass that off as a Krabby Patty— Mr. Krabs: It's a... It's a Spongy Patty! | Mr. Krabs, what have you done?! You've poisoned all these people! |
Mr. Krabs: No! But... I just... just... I can explain, I... What the...? Bailiff: Tell it to the judge, Krabs. Guard: Calling the courtroom to attention in the case People of Bikini Bottom vs. Mr. Krabs. The honorable Judge Horace A. Whopper presiding. Judge Horace A. Whopper: Has the jury reached a verdict? Gene Scallop: We have, your honor. We the jury find the defendant, Eugene H. Krabs, guilty of all charges. Judge Horace A. Whopper: Very well. Does the defendant have anything to say before we send him down the river? Mr. Krabs: No, your honor. Judge Horace A. Whopper: Very well. Mr. Krabs: Eh, hang on a second there, judge! That wouldn't happen to be a SpongeBob gavel you're using? Judge Horace A. Whopper: Oh, why, yes. It's my prized possession. I am a huge SpongeBob fan. Mr. Krabs: Permission to approach the bench, your honor! | Sure is glad to be back behind the grill where I belong, Mr. Krabs. |
Mr. Krabs: It's good to have you back, boy. Let's see how Squidward's enjoying his new position. Take him around as many times as you like. Judge Horace A. Whopper: I just might have to take you up on that. Mr. Krabs: I love a happy ending. Mr. Krabs: ♪Me dollar lies over the ocean, me dollar lies over--♪ Whoa! Blarney stone, that's a horrible reek. I knew I was forgetting somethin'. Ohhhhhhh, bring back me money to me! Mr. Krabs: That's strange. I'm sure I can remember screwing the cap back on the toothpaste, but here it is on the edge of the sink, plain as day. Heh heh! These are strange times we're livin' in. Pearl: Daddy! Mr. Krabs: That sounded like me beloved teenage daughter, Pearl. I'm coming, princess! Pearl: Mr. Krabs: Pearl! What in the name of Neptune's Aunt Nancy is with all this ruckus? Pearl: What's happening to me?! Mr. Krabs: Pearl, this is terrible! I paid 30 bucks for that bed! 'Course, that was when you were a newborn. Maybe if I crunched a few numbers and checked the warranty, I could— Pearl: I need food. Mr. Krabs: Okay, Pearl! I wasn't sure what to get, so I just brought the whole-- Mr. Krabs: ...refrigerator. Mr. Krabs: Pearl, I somehow just realized what's happening. Pearl: So did I. Mr. Krabs: You're havin' one of them, uh, you know, one of them, um, growth spouts. It means you're healthy. Pearl: It means I need food! Mr. Krabs: Empty! Old cracker: What am I, chopped liver? Chopped liver: No, that's what I am. Mr. Krabs: Pearl: Daddy! Mr. Krabs: Darling, I searched the entire house. There's not a speck of food to be spoken of. Pearl: Well, you're just gonna have to go buy some. Mr. Krabs: Uhhh, can't. It's late, and all the shops are closed. We're just gonna have to wait until morning to find you something to eat. Pearl: Wait, what's that green stuff in your pocket? Mr. Krabs: Eh? Where? Pearl: There! Mr. Krabs: Me money? Pearl: I'll just have to eat this. Mr. Krabs: No, wait! I'll think of something. Food. Where? Where? Food. Where? Where? Huh? Mrs. Puff: Must protect garden. Only thing that makes life worth living. Mr. Krabs: Hehehehehe! Peanuts! What the... These peanut worms are pets, not vegetables! Mrs. Puff: Who's there? I'm warning you. I have a blunt instrument here, and I'm not afraid to use it. There you are, sucker! Mr. Krabs: Cucumbers. Squirting me. Flying stuff! Jackpot. Surely Patrick could spare a few morsels. After all, it's for a worthy cause. Me beloved Pearl. Don't worry, Pearl, Daddy found you some vittles! Bottom feeders. Pearl! I brought you some-- ...cereal. Pearl: More, Daddy, More! Mrs. Puff: There, there, my darling, the bad man is gone now. And if he comes back, we'll make sure he never walks again! Officer: Which way did you say the kidnapper ran, Miss, uh, Mrs., uh, Ms., Mrs., Miss, Mrs. So which way did you say he went? Mrs. Puff: I said he went that way. Officer: Anything else? Mrs. Puff: No. Officer: Got it. Johnson. Well, looks like whoever it was is gone now, ma'am. Enjoy the rest of the evening. I tell ya, these calls are getting more and more weird. I mean, what kind of nutcase would want to break into someone's vegetable garden at this time of night? Mr. Krabs: Ooh-hoo-hoo, foo-foo-foo-food. Gotta find foo-hoo-hoo food! Officer: Well, I doubt he's gonna turn up anywhere near here again tonight. What do you say we go check out that new 24-hour taser emporium you were talking about? Mr. Krabs: Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food. Not food. Hanging cured meats. Exotic spices. A breadbox overflowing with baguettes. Yummy stuff everywhere! I'll start with the fridge. Candied sea yams, pickled urchins, anemone pies, a bucket of kelp slaw.... Et cetera. Ooh, more et cetera. Squidward's house: Oh, well. I needed to lose a little weight anyway. Officer: And that's what I told him. I said, If you're not gonna bring an extra set of batteries, then why even carry a-- Hey mister! What's with the sack? Mr. Krabs: S-sack? Officer: Yeah, sack. That big giant sack thing you're carrying on your back, that sack. Mr. Krabs: It's, uh... I'm, uh, practicing to be Santy Claws for the holidays. Officer: Okay, you have a safe night now. Mr. Krabs: Thanks again, officer! Officer: Be seeing you in a couple months. Happy Holidays. Mr. Krabs: Okay, Pearly, I got some vittles for ya! Pearl: More! Mr. Krabs: I was afraid you were gonna say that. Mr. Krabs: I wasn't stealing food! | Mr. Krabs! How could you do this to me? |
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, I'm sorry, I had no other choice. See | Coming over for a slumber party without even giving me a chance to put my best PJs on? I mean, look at these things. Just give me one minute to change, and when I get back, we can get started on some s'mores and popcorn. |
Mr. Krabs: G-g-good idea, SpongeBob. That sounds just perfect. Squidward: Not so fast! That crab is a food thief! He snuck into my house in the middle of the night, stole every last morsel in my kitchen, and he even swiped my entire collection of smoked kielbasas. | But I thought he was having a slumber party at my house. |
Squidward: I don't care. I'm calling the police. Mr. Krabs: Squidward, wait, you can't. Squidward: Oh? And why is that? Mr. Krabs: Because if you do, I'll fire ya. No, if I go to prison, who's gonna feed Pearl? Squidward: Hello, police? Mr. Krabs: Hold it! I'll... I'll... Squidward: You'll what? You'll give me your golden tooth? | I didn't even know Mr. Krabs had a gold tooth. |
Squidward: Neither did I. Mr. Krabs: Oh, SpongeBob, what am I gonna do? | Oh, don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I had a tooth pulled a few years ago. Only hurts for a couple of days. |
Mr. Krabs: It's not that, boy. Those nerves died years ago. It's me dear daughter, Pearl. | Pearl? What happened? |
Mr. Krabs: She's going through one of them growth spurts, and I can't find a way to feed her. | Mr. Krabs, you're the owner of the most delightfully delicious restaurant in Bikini Bottom! Why don't you just take her there to eat? |
Mr. Krabs: Hold on, boy. I said I was trying to feed me daughter, not completely obliterate me inventory. | You don't have to do that. I know a special ingredient that can make one Krabby Patty taste like a million. |
Pearl: Oh, Oh! So hungry, not gonna make it! Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, hurry it up! | Hang in there, Mr. Krabs. Almost ready. |
Mr. Krabs: You've been saying that for the last-- Pearl: Daddy, I'm not hungry anymore, and I've stopped growing. I feel great. Heh, Heh! Mr. Krabs: Whew! Boy, I'm glad that's over. And it only cost me one Krabby Patty. Say, what was that secret ingredient you used in there, anyways, boy? | It was love, Mr. Krabs. It was love. |
Mr. Krabs: Eh? Mr. Krabs: Where could they be? They should've been here hours ago! Arrgh! Not a customer in sight. If I don't make any money today, I'll surely break out in a rash! | Yippee! I'm rich! Look, Patrick, eight gold doubloons! |
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