episode,name,line 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," Goliath National Bank. The world leader in credit and banking. God, I love Goliath National Bank! " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Okay, first of all, you look like the last pick in the draft. And, second, why are you so excited about some bank? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," Our company just bought them out in a ruthless takeover. Took two months. Cost 2,000 jobs. It was brutal. Who wants a T-shirt? Hey, Marshall, they're hiring in the legal department. I could get you a job. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," Barney, Marshall didn't quit his last soul-sucking corporate job just to go work at a bank. He's gonna be an environmental lawyer. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," So, what do you guys want to do for dinner? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," Great, we'll take five of those. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Really? You want to eat here? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," Yeah, I'm freaking starving. I just finished a seven-day cleanse. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," I thought you started that yesterday. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," I finished early, OK? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Wait. What about sushi? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," We had sushi last night. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," Italian. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," I had Italian for lunch. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," No. We always do this. We spend an hour arguing about where to eat, and we end up here anyway. I haven't eaten for two days. Can we please, for the love of God, just order something now? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Chinese? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," Oh. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," I don't like Chinese. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Indian? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," I just said I don't like Chinese. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Indian isn't Chinese. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," Weird meats, funny music, side of rice. Why are we splitting hairs? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Mexican? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," I just said I don't like Chinese. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," God. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," Of course, mine comes last. Go ahead, start without me. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," My God. This burger is so good. It's like Christmas in my mouth, meat Christmas. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," It's like an angel from heaven landed in the kitchen at MacLaren's. Where the chef k*ll it and ran it through the meat grinder. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," I love this burger so much, I want to sew my ass shut. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," It's okay. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Guys, guys, guys. When you've had the best burger in NY, every other burger tastes like my grandpa's feet. But you guys eat up, enjoy my grandpa's feet. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," And you've had the best burger in New York? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," It was eight years ago, my first week in New York, and for a kid from Minnesota, the big city was a scary place. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Oh, thank God it's just you. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," You are being ridiculous. ( " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Why would I have to leave? I can have anything I want delivered, and New York City cable is awesome. Have you seen this public access show with the old Jewish lady in a bikini? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Marshall, you have to get over this paranoia. You are not gonna get mugged. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," What if I do, Ted. I don't have a switchblade. I don't know how to break-dance and win the begrudging respect of a street g*ng. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," That's it, you're taking a walk. Come on, go. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," No. Look, the old lady in a bikini is back on. I'm just gonna lie back and get comfortable. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Go outside, go, go. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Okay. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Leave the bat. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Fine. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," And then, right when I started to get a little hungry, I turned a corner... " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," And there it was. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," Name two places where things get stuffed. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," So, I went inside. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Ted, you got to wake up. Wake... " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. Are you okay? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," I'm all right. Ted, I've just had the most amazing burger of my life! It's this awesome little place, Regis Philbin eats there, so it's sort of like a celebrity hot spot. But the burger. The burger. Dude. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," I want one of those burgers right now! Do you think they're still open? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," I don't know " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall,"(Raising hands in the sky.) " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," You couldn't find it? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," We didn't know our way around. Just getting back to the apartment took us three hours and one very helpful drag queen. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Wait, Penny Noir was a drag queen? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," Where do you think it was? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," Probably tucked between her legs. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," You know what's not a drag? Getting a home equity loan at Goliath National Bank. I'm just saying. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Anyways, we never found the place. Now, eight years have passed, still... No burger. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Okay, here we go. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," No, you don't. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Oh, the Corner Bistro! It's amazing, I spent a quarter of my life searching for the best burger in New York City, but silly me, it never occurred to me to check the highest-rated burger in the Zagat guide. Wow, thanks a lot, guy. Let me return the favor. Great cup of coffee: Starbucks. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," So I take it you've tried the Corner Bistro. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Robin, I've tried every so-called best burger in New York City trying to find that burger. Or at least forget about her. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall,"(getting up) " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," But none of those places even came close. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," There was that one time we thought we had a break in the case, remember? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," Get this. You know who works out at my gym? Regis Philbin. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall,"(Watching Ted) " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," That's the one, Mr. Philbin. Do you remember where it is? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," No. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," No. No, we don't know where it is. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," I don't know where it is, Regis, I swear! " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," OK, Regis, we will, we will. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," All right. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," That's where my story ends. Now I'm doomed to walk the earth forever searching for that green door and that red neon sign that says ""Burger."" " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," Green door, red neon sign that says ""Burger?"" " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Yeah. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," I know that place. I've walked by it a million times. It's on West 12th, right off of 7th. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," I knew it was on a numbered street! " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," Finally. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall,"(taking Robin's burger in his hands) " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," No... " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," I cannot believe we're finally gonna have this burger " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," Honey, I'm so excited for you. After all these interviews, after all these disappointments, you deserve a triumphant mouth full of meat. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," You know what else is a mouthful? All that double-talk other banks give you. At Goliath, customer satisfaction is our most important investment. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," Barney, I hate to break this to you, but working for a bank's kind of lame. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," How lame is free a*t*matic bill pay? How lame is 3.3% APY online savings? Yeah, that's right. Hate to make you look stupid in front of your friends, but you left me no choice. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," We should probably call Regis. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," Reg... " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Green door, red neon sign. Guys, this is the place. I've actually, I prepared a few words. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin,"(On nerves) " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall,"Let's just go inside then. Shall we? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," Please, go ahead, start. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," Just shut up and eat. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," All right. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Oh my god. I'm never brushing my teeth again unless it's with a toothbrush made from this burger. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," I think I just had my first burg-asm. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," I want... to take this burger out to dinner, then maybe a movie, then take it back to my place, put on a little Terence Trent D'arby, and then I would just... fool around a little bit. Nothing serious, just take it slow, you know? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall,"(putting his burger in his plate) " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," It's not it. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Marshall, you might not want to hear this, but... is it at all possible this is the same " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," I mean, it is just a burger. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Just a burger? It's so much more than just a burger. I mean, that first bite... Oh, what heaven that first bite is. The bun, like a sesame-freckled breast of an angel, resting gently on the ketchup and mustard below. Flavors mingling in a seductive ""pas de deux"". And then... a pickle the most... playful... little pickle, and then a slice of tomato, a leaf of lettuce, and a... a patty... of ground beef, so... exquisite...swirling in your mouth, breaking apart and combining again in a fugue of sweets and savories so... delightful. This is no mere sandwich of grilled meat and toasted bread. This is God... speaking to us through food. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," And you got our wedding vows off the Internet. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Okay, look, so, so this, this isn't the place. All right, it's no big deal. It's another place with a green door and a red neon sign that says ""Burger"". I'll just... I'll call every restaurant in Manhattan and ask 'em what colour their door is. No big deal, right? Let's do this. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this isn't just about a burger. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," Marshall's not doing so well, guys. He really needs to get a job. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Tell them about the underpants. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," What about the underpants? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," It started a couple of weeks ago. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Heads! It's going to be heads. It's almost usually heads. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," Hey, baby. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Hey! " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," Did you put on pants today? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Nope. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," It was funny at first, but then it became a daily thing. I thought, ""Okay, well, at least he's not leaving the house like that."" Then, one day, he opened the door to get the paper. Day after that, went downstairs to get the mail. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Everyone's got an underpants radius. For most of us, it's the distance from the bedroom to the bathroom, but as your self-esteem gets smaller, your underpants radius gets bigger. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," How big is Marshall's underpants radius? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," We're going. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Come on, Lily, he'll find a job eventually. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," You know, Lil, when times are tough, I like to remember the uplifting words of my favourite song. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," We've got to find Marshall that burger. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Lily, I think we're all eating that burger. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," I'm not eating that burger. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," No, if Marshall says this isn't the burger, this isn't it. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," Finally. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," Excuse me. Did you guys change cooks or something? Because my husband was here 5 years ago, he's sure he had a different burger. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," What? Uptown? Where? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," Damn it. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," 106. A numbered street. Of course. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," Barney Stinson. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," I'm sorry, this is...? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," Of course. I'm sorry, I forgot to call you. That's not the place. The real place is on 106th and Manhattan Avenue. We're headed there right now. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," Onions? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," Okay, no onions. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Stop the cab! " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Wait. This is it. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," This is it. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," One of 9,000 convenient locations. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," It was ri... it was right here. It was... it was right on this very spot. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," I don't understand. Where is the burger place? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," It's not a burger place anymore; it's a Goliath National Bank ATM. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin,"(getting crazy) " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," We can't eat here. It's an ATM. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," But... food. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," What the... " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," This is your fault, you and your stupid bank. You did this. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," It's not my... Stop, okay. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," I will never use a Goliath ATM ever again. Goliath National Bank sucks. It's the worst bank on the face of the earth. Attention, New Yorkers, this bank sucks! They suck! " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," Marshall, Geez. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," They suck, suck! " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," Will you just tell her already? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," Tell me what? Tell me what? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," I got a job. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," What? Where? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Goliath National Bank. That's why Barney's been going on and on about how, how great Goliath is. He wanted you to be excited for me since we will to working together. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," Well, technically not together. You won't have access to my floor. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," But you want to be an environmental lawyer. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Yeah and I also want to be a Harlem Globetrotter and get paid in candy, but in the meantime, I need a job, and this is, this is a really good one. It's great pay and there's good benefits, and to be honest, it gives me a reason to put on pants in the morning. You know, I have my whole life to save the planet, but right now I'm kind of really excited to wear pants again. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," You've got great pants. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," I love you. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," I love you. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Robin, no! " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," They're unopened. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Give it. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," They're barbecue. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," Give it! " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," I'm sorry you didn't get your burger. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," It's stupid. I think about that first week in New York. You know? I was 22 years old. I had my whole future ahead of me. I guess I just kind of thought that if I could have that burger one more time and feel that way for one more night, that I might be able to check that off the list, and grow up, go work for the stupid bank, and just... be happy. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin,"(Licking an envelope.) " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Let's pay the man. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," I paid for the cab. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," I have any cash. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," I haven't worked since March. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," If only there were an easy, convenient way to get some cash right now. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," Member FDIC. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," Thank you. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Ted," All right, Marshall, remember. It might not taste as good. This place has changed, you've changed, New York has changed. Just... don't get your hopes up too high, okay? " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," This is it. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," It's exactly the same. It's the best burger in New York. Go ahead, eat up, eat up. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Lily," I want to get tiny fitted sheets for this burger, and just... crawl into this bun, get all cosy, and die there. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Robin," Oh, my God. I just want you inside of me. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," This feels so good. I'm worried I'm gonna get this burger pregnant. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," If he does get that burger pregnant, I have dibs on the delicious burger babies. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Barney," That's outrageous. " 4x02 - The Best Burger in New York,Marshall," You were just freakin' teasing us. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," You see that guy over there in diving suit? You think you're going to go talk to him? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," Okay. This is certainly the biggest con on this planet. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," This is one of my best friends. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," It's a long story. You see, he just break... " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," My career. This is my new priority. From now on, more a date. The job. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," All women of New York. That's right, Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mother, lock your daughters. Daughters, lock your MAQACENJaR. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," MAQACENJaR? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," Wait, I can find. With Mothers Who I'd like Sunset And Never Forgot. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," You have the right answer! " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," You're not rush a little, then? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Since I went out with Robin there is a trick that I have not used as much as I wanted. It is... rather large, surprisingly heavy, with the skin, and it's black. My friends, this is the book of... Roles. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," The Roles book contains all the scams, trickery, deception, underhand, cunning, nonsense, and embobinages tricks I used, or expected use, to nab the girls and do their business. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," You're writing another book? Stephen King was one right there. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," It's all there. Everything, starting from the basic, like Le Bois Do Not Ca... " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Do not drink it. I saw a guy put something. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," This guy. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney,"... Until more advanced maneuvers, such as the Ms. Stinsfire. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," I do not see how it could not walk. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," What The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Glad you asked. The Lorenzon Von Matterhorn will be my comeback on stage. Or, you know, in my bed. In fact, my bed is on a stage. I put it on a platform and installed lighting. A real production. Barney goes! " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," And you Robin? You leave it in play? Where is your book of Roles? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," My book? Buddy... in two volumes, right here. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," A great book. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," Yeah, I'm reading it. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," So, I have told you, I take a break on that side. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," It's going to happen. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," Bluntly. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," What? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," You'll fall in love. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," Very soon. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," It's unlikely, I focus on my career, finished the rencards. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," We play Pyramid. What people are saying just before meeting the love. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," Kelly Harris, a fellow law school, said... ""The law school is too hard, I want to focus on courses. ""Six months later?Married! " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," It's good but... " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," Travis Frenchroy, replacing bartender told me... ""I'm done with all these rencards. I want to concentrate on my fan fiction of Star Trek. ""Six months later... Married! " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," I answer? It's good for them... " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," Matthew Blitz, accounting job, said... ""I will die alone.To focus as much on taxes this year. ""Six months later? PACS and plans to marry pending the enactment of the Act currently in the Senate from New York! " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," It happens, whatever you say. It is a law of nature. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," Judged. By nature. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," Trust me. I would not get interested in relationships. I would not be single if I wanted to be single. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," Okay. Are you ready? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," Ready for what? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," Three years ago, Shelly started working at my school.When I saw her, I said, ""It's perfect for Ted."" " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," Why do not you talk to me now? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," He is. It is so great and attentive and intelligent. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," Another chicken and stick to you the crown! " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," I do not see it. It must be voluntary. So, another bar? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," Yeah she was pretty. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," It still is. And you're ready. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," But you can put three times more than chicken fingers in your mouth. You know. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," I will fix it but promise me not to do anything stupid. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," I promise to do anything stupid. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," You should! " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," You should! You should! " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," And you met him at McLaren's? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," What is the name there? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," You... dirty bastard. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," Bluntly. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," I had put aside for Ted Shelly for 3 years. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," My hen, Ted did not miss much. She is brainy, boring, a bit boring in bed. In fact it would have been perfect for Ted.Oops! If I had known she was there for Ted, I would have obviously not done, but... given the circumstances, I think Ted would be proud of me. I managed The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," Exactly, yes. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," What The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Glad you asked. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," To achieve the Lorenzo Von Matterhorn is what you need, basic knowledge in web design and a truly unique fake name. So think about your fake name right away. You? Fine.Now choose your target. Preferably a girl with a great big... phone. Yeah that's me. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Yes. You do not know who I am, does not it? It feels good for once. Nice to meet you... " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Shelly? Again, I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. It is written as it is pronounced, with two ""T"". Then, once you leave, she takes out her phone and tries Lorenzo Von Matterhorn on the Internet. And that's when she discovers... A series of fake websites, all devoted to the incredible life of Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. A false item of business on Lorenzo, the hermit billionaire. The fake of the Explorer Club newsletter on his trip to the North Pole in an airship, a feat of imagination and challenge. The fake medical journal with a story to make you cry the doctors saying that a reduction of the penis is not an option. And time to return... I hate to be cheeky, but I can offer you a coffee? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," How much is a coffee today, $ 50? And here we go. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," It's horrible. You realize you've broken her heart? She is inconsolable. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Why would it be inconsolable? The airship of Lorenzo will not disappear in the Arctic for a week. Sorry if this is that someone told her that it was lies. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," It was all lies. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," Lies! " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," Lies! " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," Men... Actually, that's true. I went there. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," Lies! " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Oh my God! Well, I hope you are pleased with you. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," What? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Thou hast broken my heart. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," Me? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," You! She will never trust a man. You've spoiled for Ted.Not to mention Julio Von Matterhorn, the twin brother of Lorenzo. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," Do you believe? He says it's my fault. And by the way, Ted, I bet she go out with you again. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," I'm thinking. Do I want to date a girl that Barney was typed?Help me for harmonies. Of course. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," That must bother you a bit. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," It's his life. These girls had it coming if they are stupid enough to be fooled. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," I agree. You've seen one called The Snåsa? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Actually, I'm in a top secret government space program called Secret NASA... Snåsa. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," No Moon you know, but I went on Slune. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," If you fall in there, you break my heart, but sorry, you're sdébile. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," Well, Barney, you go out... You just get out of a sincere relationship. You're a big boy now. You can return to your towers to two euros. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Tours to two euros?! None of these towers is. The Tower A except two Euros. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," I am the bassist for Tower Two Euros. And even that involves expensive hair extensions. Now, if you allow, I have to prepare for the event tonight. The I exécuterais he will not come.Glad you asked. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," The To run it will not come, you will need the observation deck of the Empire State Building. Got it? Fine. For generations, this is the place chosen by New Yorkers for reunion with their lost lovers of view, you need to go to every girl and say, ""He will not come."" " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Let it go. He will not come. He will not come. She's not coming? Sorry. Until... He will not come. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," I'll fetch the newspaper. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," Or rather, look for a husband. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," Grave. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," You must stop, seriously. The last thing I'm looking for now is a relationship. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," Taking the newspaper, think to watch the ads for marriages.For yours. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," It's like that. Have you any idea how many times in my life when I went to look for frozen waffles frozen in vain? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," Thousands? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," Millions. But when I go in search of a mirror or the remote because Lily and I had an argument and she has hidden there, whereupon I fall? Frozen waffles. It's like that. You go out to get the newspaper, but you come back with frozen waffles.And there, frozen waffles he's a guy. As long as you're there, you take it back frozen waffles? And there, frozen waffles are... frozen waffles. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," What happened? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," I tried the he will not come, and it worked. Monstrous.You should have seen this girl. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," I'm leaving. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," So, we came up to me, and I go to my room to prepare the camera... lighting candles... and when I go out, nobody, paper and more roles! We all know who is responsible for that. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," Yes, we know. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Al-Qaeda. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," No, you idiot. That was me. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," You... enfoirée dirty! " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," An actress friend. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," An actress. Of course. That explains his perfect diction and style of Drag. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," I'm almost to the point of taking this book and put it on the net for everyone to see. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," You would not dare. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," No, as you stop scams and confidence tricks, deception, underhand, tricks, schemes and embobinages. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," You did not say nonsense. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," No more nonsense! " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Slim. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," Sorry to interrupt but check it out. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," No. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," I was abandoned at the altar. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," Oh, my god, it's horrible. I wonder if it works. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," And yet this is not the worst. Do you saw My Penis grants wishes? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Only if you rub hard enough. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," He starts singing and objects come alive and dance with him. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," It's not very well designed. This is not Ms. Stinsfire. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," A few hours later... " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," Apparently, it will rain. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," If you wonder, I would be at McLaren's playing a character from the Book of roles being called The Diver. That's all. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," It's good. I put the Book of Roles on the Internet. Baby, you can put the Book of Roles on the Internet? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," Sure baby, but there is something odd. I flipped through the whole book. There is no role called The Diver. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Now you want to know what the diver. In fact, it was on the last page of the Book, but I pulled in case. But do not worry.You will see it in action. You see the blonde next to the bar?Cizzible repérizzée. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," Barney, no. You are... " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Forget it, kid. If anyone should be angry with me, this is Robin. She loves the book. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," I did not worship the book. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," But what...? The Book of the Rolls, this is gold. Granted this is truly spectacular. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," We just broke. The costumes are nice, but... it just broke. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," I did not know you felt it. I was so caught up with my own projects as... Damn, she looks out there. Quickly dispersed. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," It's good. You see that guy over there in diving suit? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," And here we are. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," I have no idea. And it's k*ll us, Claire. It k*ll us! " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," So what does the diver? Claire and here, in passing. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Hello, Claire. I am Lieutenant Frank Lyman. I train dolphins b*mb detectors for... You know what? I can not do that.Robin, I'm sorry. I think this break is harder for me than expected.The Book of roles was just a way to change my mind. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," It's okay. It's hard for me too. Look at me. I gave up on relationships. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," She is getting married. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," I will prepare my toast. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," I have to check my tuxedo. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," I'll knock your heads like two coconuts. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," I'm delighted that you stop it. And frankly, the real Barney is better than all the false Barney's Book of Roles. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Is it true? Claire, you must have heard a lot about the real Barney tonight. Want some coffee? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," Before refusing, you should know that in this neoprene combined with what appears to be a pair of socks... " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," A Pringles, but still. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily,"... is an incredible kind. He's funny and it's one of my best friends. And he came out with this g*n. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," It's a good guy. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," Come on, go out with him. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," It's a coffee, huh? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," It's nothing. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," I'm proud of him. It takes a lot of Pringles to be as vulnerable. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," I had a message from Barney. ""Look under the table."" A page from the Book of Roles. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," It says what? " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," It's The Diver. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Barney," Step one, talk to a friend Book Roles. Step two, play with one of his colleagues and make angry she steals the Book.Step three, put the combi and say you will do a final round, The Diver with the sexy girl next to the bar. Your friend, let's call her Lily, told him everything about the book. Now the hard part.When Lily and daughter are questioning The Diver, remove the mask, and pull out the stops on your deepest insecurities that do not exist because you are awesome. Sad for you, Lily talks about you to the girl who agrees to have coffee. And... is... gone. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Lily," You dirty bastard...! " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," It is. You say you do not want a relationship. Well, the love of your life will not pass this door, and this is... this kind. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," I will not fall in love with him. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Ted," Yes, because it is... this kind. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," No comment. The blue jacket, it does not suit me, so... " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," Right, because here it is. It is this type! Let him at least a chance. Get out a bit with it, see if it can give something. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," I will work. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Marshall," Yeah, right. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," I'm really going to work. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," Yes. " 5x08 - The Playbook,Robin," Damn, Marshall. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"I love your idea about a giant rooftop ring of fire you can jump through with a motorcycle, but I tweaked it slightly and... This is still super bad-ass. It's now a patio garden where you can bring a nice bag lunch. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Sick. Yeah. Dude. Working together is gonna be legen... Wait for it. I'll send you an inter-office memo with the rest 'cause we freakin' work together! " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Oh, big news. The board finally settled on a site for the building. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Uh, no, thank you. Still got it. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Barney, we have to talk. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Sure. What's up? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Not now, Trish! " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"""Dary."" " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Legendary! So, what's on your mind? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"I can't design the building. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Oh, yeah. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"Oh, baby. No, no. Not the slipper socks with the rubber soles. I work so hard to-to set the mood, and-and when I see those, I feel the egg go right back up my Fallopian tube. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Baby, these satin sheets are slippery. Papa needs traction. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"Traction? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"As you know, Papa likes to get down with enthusiasm. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"Please stop calling yourself ""Papa."" " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"And without traction, Papa's likely to boogie himself right out of bed. It's either these or soccer cleats. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"Hey, so I talked to Robin. I guess she and Max hooked up last night. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Nice! I love that guy. Max is both his name and his level of awesomeness. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"Yeah. He's a sweet guy. She feels really comfortable with him. They bonded over hockey. I guess he has a small penis, but they want to double-date next weekend. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Why would you tell me that? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"So you'll clear your schedule. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"No! The other part! " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"Oh, the small penis thing? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Ah! Don't! Stop saying that! Why do you keep saying that? You... I don't want to know that. I'm not going to be able to look the guy in the eye. I'm certainly not going to be able to call him ""Max."" " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"That's insane. I mean, just because you know Max has a small penis... " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Just don't! " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"You're kidding me. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"I'm sorry. I can't do this if it means tearing down The Arcadian. It's an architectural landmark. Plus, people live there. How does GNB plan to get hundreds of residents to just up and leave? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Snakes. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Did you just say ""snakes""? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"I don't recall saying ""snakes"". Ted, I know you love crappy old stuff no one cares about. But I'm gonna give you four words to live byNew is always better. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"New is always better? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"You know who's a million times hotter than the hottest girl I've ever slept with? Her okay-looking friend I haven't seen naked. Why? Because new is always better. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Mm-hmm? And this theory applies to everything? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Everything. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"So, those new Star Wars movies... Those are better than the old ones? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Yeah. The first three barely mention the intricacies of intergalactic trade law. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"And when you're at a g*n n' Roses concert, you're like, ""Yeah, yeah, Paradise City, whatever. When are they gonna rock me some Chinese Democracy""? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Axl's really matured as a songwriter, Ted. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Wendy! I'd like to buy my friend a drink. What's your oldest Scotch? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Amazing. And what's your newest scotch? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Your call, buddy. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"A glass of the J-Jumbo Jim's Grape Scotch sounds lovely. Lots of ice. New is always better, Ted! That's a rule. Just like bigger is always better! " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Pff. That's not true. Uh, sometimes smaller is better. ""Hey, look how big my cell phone is!"" You don't hear people say that. No. You want something compact and efficient that fits comfortably in your pocket, and I think Max is just a great guy. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"Lily told you. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Told him what? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"Max has a small penis. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"How can you speak of such things? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"Girls talk about everything. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"Size, shape, left or right leaning orientation... " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"Length, resemblance to a historical figure, such as Winston Churchill... Yes, that's one of you. Girth, grooming... " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"How can you speak of such things? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"You're kidding. Barney, every time I mention a woman you don't know, the first thing you say is, ""Boobs?"" Not the complete sentence, ""Does she have big boobs?"" Which also would not be great. Just""Boobs?"" " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"I do not do that. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"My friend Lori from work... " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Boobs? Damn it. But... seriously. Boobs? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"So why is it okay for guys to talk about boobs, but the moment we bring up a topic like Max's small penis... I'm gonna pretend this conversation never happened. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Impossible. Max's penis is stuck in my brain like a splinter. Like a splinter-sized splinter. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Speaking of disappointing weenies... Ted, tell them what you told me. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"I want to ask the board at GNB to move the site for the new headquarters so we don't have to tear down a classic old building. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"I still don't get this. Why, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, do you want to ruin... Wait a minute. Who's the girl? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"Duh. Of course there's a girl. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"What? I... There's no g-girl. Why would you even... Her name is Zoey. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Boobs? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Look, mister, you are very convincing, and I am very flattered. Confused, even. But I'm not looking... " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Not only is she funny, hot and genetically female, but get this... " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"She's an architecture nerd! A hot architecture nerd! That's the dream! " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Whose dream? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"We wound up talking for hours. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Old is always better. I can't wait to be old. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"You can shoplift and pretend you're just confused. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Well, I'd say you got a pretty long wait. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Oh, Ted, that's so romantic. I want to fill a pillowcase with dead batteries and beat you with it. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Anything. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"And you said...? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Where do I sign? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Hmm. Grape scotch. Not bad. Ted, you only think The Arcadian needs to be saved because some pretty girl thinks that. And seriously... Boobs? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"This isn't about the girl. It's about the building. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"And what did this ""Zoey"" say when she found out that you're the one tearing down her beloved Arcadian? That you, Ted Mosby, are the Architect Of Destruction? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Whoa! Sweet wrestling name alert. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Well... Uh, it's a... it's a funny thing about that... " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"I'm a veterinarian. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"What? I panicked! " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"This whole Arcadian thing is classic Mosby. Changing your personality to fit some girl. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"I don't do that. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Well, off to meet Steph. We're adrenaline junkies! [...]Penelope is taking me to the Battle of Gettysburg. We're gonna eat squirrel! [...] ( " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Aww! Come on! Come on! We all change a little for whoever we're into. Barney pretended to be a rabbi to get laid. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Asian girls love them some Jews. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"And Marshall never would've listened to The Indigo Girls if it weren't for Lily. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"Um, I think you got that backwards there, Chief. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"And you're welcome. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"The point is, you weren't pretending to like the Indigo Girls for the other person. You realized you liked them because of the other person. Just like me, Zoey and The Arcadian. Did GNB really put snakes in The Arcadian? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"No. Technically, they were eggs. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Did you just say ""eggs""? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"I don't recall saying ""eggs."" " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"Yeah, I-I think it is so cool that you started your own law firm. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Hey, hey. I bet it's not that small. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Yeah, but, uh, you know what they say. The important thing is-is how you use it, you know? ""The motion of the ocean."" That whole thing. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"He said it's small, Marshall, and everybody's fine with that. Let's just move on. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"I'm just saying that I bet it's bigger than he thinks. And thick. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"Let's order! " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Zoey... I'm Batman. Hmm. That'd be cool. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Wasn't expecting bunnies. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Absolutely. Just let me run up and get my bag of vet supplies. Okay. Why would I say that? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Well, spare no expense, buddy. Dinner is on me, and-and get dessert. Maybe this molten chocolate lava cake? I just want you to be happy. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"Totally. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"We'll just be here. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"I know. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"Damn, baby, be cool! " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"You're acting like he has six months to live. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"It's your fault! You ladies and your salty sailor talk! " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"Oh, come on! What about you men and your locker room talk? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Locker room talk. Do you want to know what it's like in a men's locker room? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"It's just a bunch of uncomfortable dudes trying to get out of there as quickly as possible. And one old guy just letting it all hang out. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"Are you suggesting that guys don't talk about sex? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Yes, we do, but you know what we say? ""I hit that.""""I got some.""""I tapped it."" ""I squeezed those."" Discreet and efficient. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"Not to mention classy. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Thank God that I'm not dating. If I thought that Lily talked in that much detail about our sex life, I'd probably k*ll myself. Oh, no. What did you tell her? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"Oh, nothing. We don't talk about you! " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Are you sure? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"Yeah. That argument has no traction whatsoever. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"You just broke in and stole these guys? Aren't you worried about getting arrested? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Wow. You're a little bit crazy. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Yeah. Yeah. Although I hear there's a lovely rooftop patio where folks can enjoy a nice bag lunch, so... " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Ted, this woman is an anarchist, a sociopath, a lunatic, and for the love of God, boobs?! " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Solid C-cup, perky bounce. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Momentary grudging respect. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Zoey does what she believes is right, and I want to do the same thing. We have to find a new site for this building. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Ted, that is never gonna happen. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Well, I can't tear down The Arcadian. I'm sorry, but I'm off the project. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Hey. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Well, you really got to me the other night. I want to get involved with ""Save The Arcadian."" " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"She was really hot, okay? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"How the hell could you do that? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Simple. I rented the chair. The bunny was here already. That was lucky. I waited to do the dramatic swivel until I heard your key enter the door. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"The billboard, Barney. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"I had to. Now that you have no sh*t with the girl, you'll realize you never cared about the building, and everything can go back to normal. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"You're wrong. I do care. And I'm still quitting. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Don't you get it, Ted? We're tearing down The Arcadian either way. It's a stupid old piece-of-crap, run-down, snake-infested dump! " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Okay, are there or aren't there snakes?! " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"Who mentioned snakes?! And stop shouting! You're scaring Cottontail. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"You named the rabbit? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"You took longer to get here than I thought, we bonded, I'm keeping her. The point is, you now have a chance to design your own building. Dude, you can do whatever you want with it. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"You're right. You're right. I can design it however I want. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Barney,"So you're back in? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Yeah. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"Ugh, he thinks I like this...But it feels disgusting. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"Uh, it looks disgusting. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Uh, is this working for you? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"""Uh, is this working for you?"" " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"Oh, of course, because what woman doesn't like being slobbered on while some giant paws at her nether regions like Lenny from Of Mice and Men? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"Oh, you're bad. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"More Cosmos? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"I can't... I can't do this! I can't stop thinking about you and Robin! " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"Oh, I've had that a couple times. Just lean into it and let it fuel things. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Look, no. You know what? Why don't you just... Why don't you just call Robin, okay, and have a good laugh about it? Whoa! Traction could have prevented that. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Well, that explains a few voicemails. Listen, Zoey, I think we can save The Arcadian. No. Maybe not in the way you were picturing, but I stayed up all night working on a new concept, all right? What if my design could incorporate The Arcadian's facade into the new GNB headquarters? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Are you married? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"This isn't about the girl. It's about the building. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Yeah, it was about the girl. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"This wouldn't work. Zoey, The Arcadian was a really great building once, but it's falling apart, and it's full of snakes. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"I don't recall saying snakes. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"Then he gets this panicked look on his face, says, ""I can't do this,"" and storms out. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"Wow, that is weird. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"But here's the crazier part. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"No. You know what? Papa don't back down from a fight. So why don't you tell Robin... about this! " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"It was amazing. He was passionate, animalistic, a complete stud. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"Wow. So he's right there making you say all this, huh? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"Yup. ""'You're like a Greek god, I moaned, as the..."" I can't read that, baby. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"""Musky scent of man."" " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Lily,"""As the musky scent of man and Marshall's sure-footed traction intoxicated and overpowered me."" " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Robin,"That sounds real. " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"How's it going with Robin? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Really? Why? You with her? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Ted,"Hey, what's not for everyone? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"Guys, come on. What is it? " 6x05 - Architect of Destruction,Marshall,"I... What do you think it was, Murray? " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"You don't have to shout out ""poker"" when you win. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"I know. It's just fun to say. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"It's called ""Marsh-gammon."" It combines all the best features of all the best games... Candy Land, I Never, Pictionary. " 1x15 - Game Night,Robin,"Backgammon, obviously. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"No. Backgammon sucks. I took the only good part of backgammon, the ""gammon,"" and I left the rest of it in the trash where it belongs. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"I'm so excited Victoria's coming. " 1x15 - Game Night,Robin,"I'm going to go get another round. " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"Okay, I want to lay down some ground rules for tonight. Barney, I actually like Victoria... a lot, so don't say anything embarrass... Don't say anything. And guys, I haven't exactly told Victoria that I used to have a kind of thing for Robin, so we you could just avoid the... " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Well, well, well. How rich. You make me promise to be on my best behavior around your girlfriend, yet, you have been lying to her since day one. Excuse me.Hi. Leg Warehouse? Yeah, my friend Ted needs something to stand on. So, nothing for him to stand on? Okay, and thanks so much. Ted, doesn't Victoria deserve to know that you once had the hots for Robin? I have half a mind to tell the story of the re-return. " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"No. I-I swore you to secrecy on that. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Ooh, I am smelling dirt. What is the story of the re-return? " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"Nothing. It's nothing. And speaking of digging up dirt, can I count on you two to behave around Victoria? " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Us? What would we do? " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"Look, um, you guys have always been like the parents that I still have and, in fact, moved here to get away from. However, could we skip the traditional interrogation of the new girlfriend tonight? " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Fine. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Fine. " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"Thank you. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"I should go help Robin. " 1x15 - Game Night,Robin,"Hey. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Hey. So, are you going to be okay hanging out with Victoria tonight? " 1x15 - Game Night,Robin,"Oh, sure. She's great. Oh, what? Because of the whole thing where I said I liked Ted? No. Victoria's great. She's fun, she's free-spirited, she's great. I said, ""She's great"" too many times, didn't I? " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"You must really hate the bitch. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"But if you roll an even number while adjacent to the Peppermint Forest, then you ""Marshall out,"" and all your chips go into the pot, and remember, if you ever ask the question ""What?"", then... you got to drink. Got it? " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Okay, okay, no, no, we'll just start, you guys'll pick it up. Newbie goes first. Roll. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Three! You got Autobiography. Now, that's where you have to answer a personal question about your dating life truthfully in order to move on. " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"Marshall, come on. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Hey, she's the one who rolled a three. Victoria, ""Have you ever cheated while in a relationship?"" Wow, good question. " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"You don't have to answer that. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Victoria, that was an honest and mature answer. You may advance to The Gumdrop Mountains. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"So Victoria, did you ever re-return to this guy? " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"You said what, you got to drink! " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Oh, Barney, by the way, I went to a party in that new building on 82nd, and the host said she knew you. What is her name? Sharon? Shannon? " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Shannon?! Shannon, Shannon... No, don't remember any Shannon. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Really? Well, 'cause she gave me a videotape to give... " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Where's the tape? " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Fine. I'll go get it. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Cool, okay. You know, whenever. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Okay, Robin, your roll. Five! Another Autobiography... for the player to your left, which... Victoria! " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"Of course. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Victoria, ""How many boyfriends did you have before you started dating Ted?"" " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"Wait, the card actually says ""Ted?"" " 1x15 - Game Night,Robin,"Prude alert. " 1x15 - Game Night,Robin,"Oh, slut alert! " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Oh, great, there it is. Thanks, Lily. You're a peach. Oh, wow, look at that. Robin landed on the Chocolate Swamp. That's five chips for me. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Thank you! Finally somebody understands Marsh-gammon. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Barney, what was on that tape? " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Too bad you'll never find out. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Oh, damn it! If only I'd given you a fake tape and hidden the real tape in my purse. Oh, wait. That's exactly what I did. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"What?! " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Drink! " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Yeah, you were acting so weird about it, I gave you Ted's graduation tape instead. So, should we pop it in? " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Give it to me, give it, give me... " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"Play the tape, play it, play it! " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Ted! Fine, fine. You cannot play it. Shannon! I love you! I love you so much. What about us changing the world together? Don't tell me you've forgotten. I know I haven't. Will I ever see another rainbow? Will an eagle ever soar through this tempest of woe? Baby, please Don't go There's a thief in the palace, she's stolen all my love There's a thief in the palace and she's... " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Did you try his cell phone? " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"Yeah, I left two messages. I checked the cigar club, the Lusty Leopard. He's off the grid. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Hey, guys, what up? " 1x15 - Game Night,Robin,"Barney, where have you been? " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"Yeah, we're-we're really sorry about that. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Yeah, so sorry. But seriously, what was up with the tape? No, no, stay. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"I'm sorry. I don't want to talk about it. It was the most embarrassing, and humiliating thing that ever happened to me. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Well, we all have embarrassing stories. Sometimes it's good to-to talk about it. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Oh, really? Then why don't you tell us your most humiliating moment, Marshall? Show me how good it is. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"All right. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"I was stopping by Lily's kindergarten class to say hi, but they were all at recess. I really had to pee, so I went into the class's restroom. It was a-a smaller target than I'm used to, so I figured I should sit down. What I didn't realize was, it was a shared bathroom. I wish I'd pulled up my pants. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"The kids still call him Funny Butt. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Okay. I'll tell you my story. Believe it or not, I was not always as awesome as I am today. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"It was 1998. I was just out of college, and I was working at a coffeehouse with my girlfriend. My girlfriend... *Shannon. Yeah, you were meant for me And I was meant for you. Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh.* Thank you. All right. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"And I love you, Shannon. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"I know. Only five short weeks till we're down in Nicaragua. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Mellow order, bro, mellow order. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Sorry, I only give high twos. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Listen to you. That? You know, women aren't objects. They're human beings. And FYI, Shannon and I have decided to wait till we're married. You can read about it in my zine. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"I feel sorry for you, man. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Suits. Five weeks later, we were all set to leave for the Peace Corps. Only problem was... she never showed up. " 1x15 - Game Night,Robin,"She never showed? " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"So, what happened next? " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"You know what? This was a mistake. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Wait... What if somebody else told their most humiliating story? " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Oh, I know just how to decide who. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"You brought the game to the bar? " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Well, we're not quitting just 'cause Ted's so far ahead. " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"I was winning? " 1x15 - Game Night,Robin,"Fine. I'll go next. " 1x15 - Game Night,Robin,"I was doing a report on live TV about a hansom cab driver. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Not the slipping-in-horse-poop story! " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"Yeah, we all know that one. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Yeah, Victoria, way to step up! " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"That is the greatest story ever! " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Oh my God! " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"Wow, wow! " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Victoria, I deem your offering... worthy. My saga... continues. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"I went back to the coffeehouse to find Shannon. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Sugar Bear, where were you? " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"But the Nicaraguans need us! " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Shannon, there is no... " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"As I walked away, I realized Shannon was an adult. Her father couldn't control her life. I had to go back and confront him. She was in the middle of a heated argument with her dad. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Now we all got to drink. " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"Oh, my God. What happened next? " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"I don't know, guys. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Okay, okay. Marshall's mom sent us cookies... " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Lily, no! " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"For the team, Marshall, for the team. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Hey, Mrs. Eriksen, it's Lily. Thank you so much for the delicious cookies. Mayonnaise. Really? Never would have guessed. Well, I will definitely give Marshall a kiss for you. Okay. Take care. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Oh, crap. My mom sent cookies? " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Yeah. I wish we had a dog, so they wouldn't go to waste. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"So we've got the whole place to ourselves. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"I'm thinking floor sex. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Sounds reasonable. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Ooh, floor's cold. Grab that afghan your mom made. " 1x15 - Game Night,Robin,"The whole time? " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"The... whole... time. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Barney, that was really embarrassing for both of us. We just earned a huge chunk of story. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Right. So where was I? Oh, yeah. Shannon was sucking face with her dad. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"How can... With your dad? I mean, I know judge not lest ye be judged, but gross! " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"We're breaking up? But what about the Peace Corps? " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"But I love you. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"I didn't go. That night, I recorded my video and mailed it to Shannon. I didn't see her until a week later. There's sugar in the basket. Shannon! Shannon, you came back! " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Oh. Did you... did you get my tape? " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"You? It was you? " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Oh, you poor thing. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"The story's not over. I did see Shannon one more time. " 1x15 - Game Night,Robin,"When? " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Sorry. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"You've got to tell us. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"I don't know, I think I might need one last story to get me through it. " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"Fine. Um... oh! The green testicle story. So I was playing ultimate frisbee in college and there was this barefoot dude with weirdly sharp toenails... " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Oh, come on, Ted! You know what story I want to hear. Everyone else here has manned up tonight and told the truth. Why can't you? " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"You're right. Victoria, I'm sorry I haven't told you this yet, but a while back, I was kind of into Robin. In fact, on our first date, I might have said, ""I love you."" Understandably, she freaked out and I left. But unfortunately, the night did not end there. " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"We all ended up at the bar with our cab driver Ranjit. " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"And I drank... a lot. So you guys think I should have kissed her? Well, I'll tell you what, I'm gonna go kiss her right... now. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Yes! Do it! " 1x15 - Game Night,Robin,"Hello? Is someone out there? " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"You ralphed and ran? " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"I thought you were vomit-free since '93. So that was a lie? " 1x15 - Game Night,Robin,"You re-returned for me. That's really sweet. Though you kind of ruined my customized Scherbotsky doormat. " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"Sorry. " 1x15 - Game Night,Robin,"It's okay. " 1x15 - Game Night,Ted,"Victoria, I know this must be... " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Wow, Ted, you were right. You shouldn't have told that story. But you did earn yourself the right to the end of mine. We fast-forward eight years into the future. " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"Wait, eight years, that's, that's this year. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Marshall, not only is it this year, it's tonight. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Hi. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Hi, Shannon. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Just listen. When you left me for that guy Greg, it changed me. Now I'm this. I-I know this is crazy. It's just, you were once such a big part of my life. And it just seemed insane that you didn't know who I am now. So here I am. And then she told me about her life. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"She and Greg dated for a while and then split up. But here's the real kickerShannon's a mom. She has a little kid named Max. That's crazy. That could have been my kid. But instead, what do I have? My whole life's some money in the bank, some suits in my closet and a string of one-night stands. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Hey. Come on. I mean, just because her life went one way and yours went another, it doesn't make your life any worse. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"My life rocks! Money, suits and sex. These are tears of joy! I could be cooped up in some tiny apartment changing some brat's poopy diapers. But instead, I'm out in the world being awesome 24-7, 365! You let me dodge a b*llet, Big Guy. Plus, here's the mini-cherry on top of the regular cherry on top of the sundae of awesomeness that is my life. After Shannon and I talked, I nailed her. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Nope. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Yeah. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Nope. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Yeah. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Sorry. Don't buy it. You're making it up. You're just trying to cover the fact that you actually had a profound moment of doubt about yourself and... Oh, my God. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Video's pretty good on this phone, huh? " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Oh, no. It just takes a while to power down. " 1x15 - Game Night,Lily,"Ew, gross. Just stop it. " 1x15 - Game Night,Barney,"Ladies, gentlemen... Ted. This has been a wonderful evening. I got great dirt on all you guys. I got Ted to tell the re-return. I finally nailed Shannon! Told her I'd call her tomorrow. Yeah, right. And I rediscovered just how awesomely awesome my life is. Peace out, hombres! " 1x15 - Game Night,Marshall,"I think Barney just won game night. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"A new car! " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Ted, this is new york city... You're never gonna drive it. This is a really, really stupid purchase, and I'm sorry, but none of us can support it. g*n for eternity! " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Robin,"You can't call g*n for eternity. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"I just called it. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Robin,"You can't just call things, barney. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"I call that I can call things! " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"Hey, baby. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Beer. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"Are you okay? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Beer. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Okay, what happened? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"They always told me that working at a big law firm was like being at w*r... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Totally. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Freakin' briefcases. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Totally empty. you? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Then you get in the trenches side by side with your buddies. And you feel a sense of camaraderie. But before too long... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,":...the shells start to fall. Hello, Arthur. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Arthur Hobbes is one of the senior partners at my firm, and he's... he's my boss. He seems like a nice guy, but he's got a nickname... a*tillery arthur. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"It's going fine. How is yours? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"He is, he's in... just in his office next door. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"You, too. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"It was brutal, But the worst was a few minutes later. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Yeah, sorry. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"So that brings us to today. A little background. So I'm working on this report called ""Using 23-b-3 spurious class action precedent to contest a class certification order based on a lack of commonality, numerosity..."" " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Dude, you lost us. Can't you just call it something cool like ""the ninja report""? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Okay. yeah, fine, whatever. Um, so I'm supposed to turn in ""the ninja report"" yesterday. But I got insanely busy with other stuff, I didn't get a chance to finish it, and then this morning... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"I gotta go. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"And then... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"He screamed at me. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"What, that's it? You're upset because a guy talked loudly near you? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Barney, I have never been screamed at like that in my life. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Come on, when's the last time you got screamed at at work? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"I got screamed at three times today. Once in Korean. This is corporate America, Marshall. Screaming is a motivational tool, like christmas bonuses or sexual harassment. It's just good business. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"Oh, baby, it's just not fair. You've been working so hard. Late nights, weekends. I never see you. We've barely made love in weeks. It's bad, guys, mama needs her sugar. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Robin,"Look, Marshall, he screamed at you, you took it. He probably respects you more for it. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Yeah, about that... So Arthur's busy giving me the full screaming treatment... Face turning red, vein in his forehead about to burst, spittle flying like shrapnel. Everyone you work with walking by your office, peering in. And suddenly, I just felt all of it. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"All of what? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"All of it. The fact that I became a lawyer to save the environment, and now I'm working for the bad guys instead. The fact that I am stuck in this job because of a mortgage I can barely afford on an apartment that is crooked. The fact that I am a grown man, and nobody, not even a*tillery Arthur, has the right to talk to me like that! " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"I begged my body not to do it. But it was no use. I just... I just... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Just because you weren't around for this, I called g*n for all eternity in Ted's car. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Dude I can't believe you cried in front of your boss. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"I don't know what happened. There's just something about being yelled at like that, like I was being scolded by my dad. Suddenly... suddenly I was a little boy. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Robin,"Is ""boy"" the right word? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"I felt absolutely powerless. Flaccid... Hell, I... I felt castrated. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"God, you're hot right now. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"And the worst thing is, tomorrow morning I have to walk into Arthur's office and give him the ninja report. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Ooh. ooh. ninjas are cool. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"How the hell am I supposed to face this guy again? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Robin,"Here's what I would do if I were you. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Robin,"Hi, Arthur. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Robin,"Yeah, I got it. Right here. I think it's gonna blow you away. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Robin,"So we good? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Robin,"Then why are you still in my office? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Okay, g*n violence might be the answer to everything up in Canada, Robin, but here in America, we solve our problems with words. Marshall, you go in and you dazzle this guy with a big eloquent speech defending human dignity. Like abraham Lincoln. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Yeah, because it's so easy just to bust out a big, eloquent speech off the top of your head. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Observe. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Arthur? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Justice, sir. You see, we are all born with certain incontrovertible rights, the most fundamentally paramount of which is the right... Wait, you can't be fundamentally paramount. One means highest, one means lowest. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Human beings have rights, and those rights are, um... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"There are certain justices that cannot or will not be inalienable... as such... for the future. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Guys, guys, this is not helping, okay? I can't have some big confrontation with Arthur. I need this job, i... I need the money. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Yeah, but how good would it feel to walk in there tomorrow, tell him off and then quit? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"It's great to fantasize about, but nobody ever actually does it. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Gary blauman did it. Guy I used to work with, the guy's a legend now. We were at the morning meeting and old Blauman was getting reamed out but good. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Pretty much routine at the morning meeting, but then, on this particular day, something amazing happened. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Oh, snap. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Oh, my God. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"He peed on the conference table? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,", " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Eventually, he just gave up and left. And then his cousin's website t*nk. And then he became a janitor at an old folks' home and moved into a one-room apartment above a bowling alley. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"That's it? that's the end of the story? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"No, no, of course not... he died. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"How does that help me? How does any of this help me? Can somebody, for god's sakes, please give me one piece of useful advice? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Lily, control your woman. The lesson of Blauman is that when your boss screams at you, you never scream back. That's why there's a little thing in corporate America I like to call the chain of screaming. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Chain of screaming? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Yes. The chain of screaming starts at the top. Arthur's boss's boss screams at Arthur's boss. Arthur's boss screams at Arthur. Arthur screams at you. You go home and scream at Lily. Lily screams at one of the kids in her kindergarten class. Then that kid screams at her dad, Arthur's boss's boss. And the whole thing starts all over again, Thus completing the circle of screaming. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"I thought it was a chain of screaming. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"It's a circle, Ted, I called it a circle. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"I don't scream at Lily. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"And I don't scream at my kids, none of whom have parents who work at marshall's firm. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Robin,"So it's not a circle. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Fine! You want it to be a chain of screaming, it's a chain of screaming. I came up with the circle idea halfway through, 'cause I thought it was a more elegant metaphor, but fine, ruin it! You guys always undermine me when I'm trying to make a point, and I'm sick of it! God, I'm surrounded by idiots! Idiots! See, doesn't everyone feel better now? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Lily, I need your take on this. What... what should I do? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"Well, what I teach my kids in kindergarten... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Oh, God. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,":...When dealing with a bully, the most important thing is to be constructive and positive. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"Hello, Arthur. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"I have the ninja report right here. But Arthur, in the future, if you want someone to do their best work, try to motivate them, not with fear and intimidation, but through encouragement, inspiration and respect. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"Oh, you're damn right. You know what I'm gonna do when I get home? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"I'm gonna rip that girl's clothes off... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,":...just throw her on the bed... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,":...and drive her home like a pack of sled dogs! " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"It's bad, guys. Mama needs it bad. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"You're right, baby, it's about respect. That is the first useful thing anyone's said to me tonight. Can you give me that speech again? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"I'm gonna drive her home like a pack of... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,":No, the other part, please. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"I have the ninja report right here, but... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"Which of these carpets would look better in the new apartment? I like the color of this one, but this one's so soft. It would feel great on your bare feet......or your bare back, a bead of eager sweat rolling down your trembling bosom. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Lily, didn't we just go through this with bathroom tiles? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Shh, don't say my name. Lily can't know it's me. Just pretend you're talking to Stella. Be all lovey dovey. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Hey, Stella. Sweetie, how's it going? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Not good, not good at all. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Where are you right now? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Right downstairs, come find me. Without Lily. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Okay, I'll see you soon. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"I love you. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"I love you, too. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"Wow, you two are already saying the ""l"" word, huh? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Apparently. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"You hitting that? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"I'm in trouble, Ted. Ted, I'm freakin' out, man. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Um... it's a new car, so just be careful... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"I did something stupid, can we just drive somewhere? I need to get away... just drive, man. Please just drive. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"It's just, this is a really good parking spot. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Dude! " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Look, just tell me what happened first. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Remember how I said I was gonna give that big speech that Lily told me to give, be firm but respectful? Well, it didn't totally go that way. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"There is a lot of ketchup on that burger. Sorry, what happened? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"After we all finished talking last night, I went to the diner to finish working on the ninja report. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Hey, marshall. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"How long have you been sitting there? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"If you go in there with Lily's kindergarten nonsense, you're gonna get torn apart. I'm here to save your life. you hungry? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Yeah, I was just about to order. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"What do you want? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"A sandwich and gravy fries. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"A green tea with lemon for me, and for my friend here, the meatloaf, please. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"No, I didn't want meatloaf. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Marshall, the chain of screaming is a real thing. Arthur screamed at you... now you have to scream at someone else. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"No, I don't. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Yes, you do, or else that anger is gonna eat you alive. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Who would I even scream at? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"I don't know. How about somebody who's disappointed you? Someone who's let you down. Someone who's gonna bring you meatloaf when you explicitly ordered a sandwich and gravy fries. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"No. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Robin,"Hey, I was just heading to the bar. What are you guys doing out here? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Oh, I was just telling Ted a story. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Robin,"Ooh, I like stories. You want a lick? What? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Is that ice cream cone big enough? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Robin,"Uh, it's delicious enough. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Okay, so... Then I say to Barney... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"I'm not gonna scream at the waiter, barney. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Yes, you are. That waiter is every boss and every bully who ever embarrassed or belittled you. And how dare he deny you the one thing that you want, that would make you happy at this moment. A sandwich and gravy fries. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Marshall. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Excuse me? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"This is not what I ordered. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"I beg your pardon, sir, But I ordered a sandwich and gravy fries, And as the customer, I'm always right, so... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Hey, what are you guys doing out here? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Robin,"Oh sweet, can I get a toot? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Uh-uh. against car rules, it's against car rules! " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Oh, Ted, relax, it's Cuban. People pay to have their car smell like this. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Well, that's just not true. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Oh, Marshall, switch seats with me. I called g*n for all eternity. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Robin,":You can't call g*n for eternity. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Well, that's funny, cause I did! " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Robin,":It's case by case. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Guys, I'm telling a life-altering story here! " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"A 20% tip, really, for that waiter? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"I don't know, Barney, he worked a triple, it just... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"I can't believe it! If you're not gonna yell at the waiter, Yell at me. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"What? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Yell at me. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"I'm not gonna yell at you, Barney. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"What, you think you're gonna upset me? Please, give me your best sh*t. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Okay, fine... what, you want me to yell at you? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Yeah. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"This is me yelling at you, Barney. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of a butterfly landing on a leaf about three blocks away. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"This is me yelling at you, Barney! " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Okay, you got some volume, now give me some content. Make it hurt. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"You don't look as good in suits as you think you do! " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"No, something that's true-- come on. The man made you cry. Make me cry. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Your mom's a slut! " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Yes. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Your mom's a slut, and I'm sorry, Barney, but you and your brother clearly have different fathers, And you know why? It's probably because your mom is a slutty slut! " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Keep going. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"I don't care what you say. Bob Barker is not your father! " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Okay, now, well, that's just not cool. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Oh my god, Barney, I'm so sorry... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"No, I'm kidding... keep going. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Bob Barker's not your father! You've concocted this delusional idea that a game show host is your real father, and he's not! You were abandoned, Barney! You were abandoned, and you never dealt with it, and so now you never allow yourself to feel anything, and that's how you survive in this corporate world, and if I keep heading down this path, I'm gonna turn into you! And I don't want that! I don't want any of this! This is not why I became a lawyer. This is not the person that I wanted to be... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Really, 'cause I didn't mean to attack you personally, It's just that i... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Robin, you dropped a little ice cream... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Dude! " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"I'm sorry. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Don't blame this on me, Marshall. I told you to yell at someone beneath you. The circle of screaming is... The chain of scr... Pyramid... the pyramid of screaming! The pyramid of screaming. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"How am I supposed to tell lily? She supported me through three years of law school, and now is the time when I'm supposed to pay her back. Now we're gonna lose the apartment. The place where we were gonna raise our children. How am I supposed to tell the person who I love more than anything in this world that I've just thrown away our future? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Everybody out, everybody out of the new car! Out of the new car! " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Barney,"Ted, screaming never solves anything. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"I'm so sorry. I just lost it. But I can fix it. First thing tomorrow, I'm gonna go in there on my hands and knees and beg for my job back. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"No, you're not. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"What? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"Marshall, our future isn't money or an apartment. And it's definitely not you being miserable at that horrible job. I'm just happy to have my husband back. We'll figure the rest out. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"I love you. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Lily,"I love you, too. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"You sure about this? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Yeah, who needs a car in new york city, right? " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Ted, I don't think I can accept... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"Marshall, don't make me scream at you. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Thanks a lot, buddy. " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Ted,"You guys did it in the car, didn't... " 3x15 - The Chain of Screaming,Marshall,"Oh, yeah! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Instead of stuffing, I'm going to fill the turkey with... a slightly smaller turkey. It's called a Turturkeykey! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"A Turturkeykey? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Robin,"Yeah, I was there for the ""insertion."" He used shoehorns. I'll be having sides. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Your loss. All right, it's dead in here. I'm gonna call it a little early. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"What? No! You can't go now. It's the night before Thanksgiving. College chicks are back in town. Their moms just made a snide comment about the weight they gained. They called her a bitch, but deep down, they know she's right. And they're about to walk through that door, where we will be waiting with some light beer and some rock hard approval. Wh-what u-up? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"Yeah. You don't want to bail early, man. You could become The Blitz. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Wh... you sure? We got big plans. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"Yeah. Remember how last week we fired up a sandwich, and we listened to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon while watching The Wizard of Oz? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Well, tonight, we're doing the same thing, only with ""Weird Al"" Yankovic's Greatest Hits and Apocalypse Now. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"We'll see what happens. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Completely naked! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"Completely naked! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"And the movie was awesome. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"At the exact moment Brando first appeared, ""Weird Al"" launched right into ""Eat It."" " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Free beer for everyone! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"Free beer for everyone! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"You know what? Ted, go ahead-- leave early to do something lame. Just don't blame us if you become... The Blitz. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"All right, first of all... there's nothing lame about brining a Turturkeykey, copyright pending. And secondly, I don't believe ""The Curse of The Blitz"" is real. (gasps) " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"What the hell happened here? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Robin,"Hey! Morning, Blitz! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Aw, man! No, no! Let's get one thing straight, okay? I am not The Blitz. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,", " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Please stop. Okay, fine. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,":...To me. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"The Gentleman! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Wait! Wait! Wait! What's that? What's ""The Gentleman""? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Oh, you had to be there, Blitz. Yes. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"I'm not The Blitz! ( " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"How could you, my best friends in the world, hang out with my mortal enemy, then let her sleep in the tub where I clean myself?! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Sorry, Ted. We can explain. After you Blitzed out last night... " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,":I'm not The Blitz! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Oh, my God... That's Zoey! That's Ted's enemy. Which means she's our enemy. Let's take this bitch down. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Huh? Huh? Who's got your back? Now let's have dinner! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Finish the story, Red. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Okay, well, we all started brainstorming ways to mess with her. There were a lot of different ideas kicking around. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"And then I'm just going to leave her there... buck-naked, covered in candle wax, tied to the bed. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"Barney, I know that Ted doesn't like that girl, but that's a little extreme. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"Wait... Ted doesn't like that girl? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Okay. Wh...? Well, I got it. You see that silk scarf? I'm going to steal it. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Yeah. Yeah! My name is Lily Aldrin. I'm a friend of Ted Mosby's, so you better... " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Well, yeah. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,": " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Oh! Thanks! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Robin,"Look, none of us meant for it to happen, but, well, we had an awesome night with her. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"And then, the craziest thing happened. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"I missed a skateboarding dog? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Yeah, but that wasn't the crazy part. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"It wasn't? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"Okay, awesome. Well, Lily doesn't let me do truths. So, dare. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"Best idea ever! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"Worst idea ever! My junk ended up in some stranger's pocket. If there phone was on vibrate, I basically dry-humped them. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Wait. Blitz was there, too? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"It was legen-- wait for Ted to leave, 'cause he's now The Blitz-- -- dary. Legendary! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"I'm not The Blitz! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"I'm afraid you are, Ted. You see, when you left last night, you changed the course of Blitztory. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"Well, not anymore, Blitz. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"What? No! N- n-n-n-no! N-n-no! I'm not The Blitz! The only thing I missed last night was my best friends s*ab me in the back by hanging out with my worst enemy. Guys! I hate Zoey! That means you're supposed to hate her, too! Th-that's your rule, Lily! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"I tried. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Tried?! Lily, do you have any idea how many people I've blindly hated for you? I hated Renée Zellweger with a burning passion for eight years, only to discover you meant Reese Witherspoon! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Hey, I will hate her until I get my money back for You, Me and Dupree! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"That's Kate Hudson! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Oh, yeah. That's who I hate. Guys, we hate Kate Hudson. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"No, we hate Zoey! I'm so furious at you all right now, but it's Thanksgiving, and I have a Turturkeykey to make. And not that I'm The Blitz, but could everyone please come with me into the kitchen? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Robin,"The oven. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"Hey, Robin, you should dance on the oven. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Great. So not only did you guys betray me, but you broke my oven on Thanksgiving? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"Full disclosure. We also used all your butter, greasing up Lily so we could see how far we could slide her down the hall. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"But if it helps, I reached 4G. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"It doesn't help. 4G? No. What-What are we supposed to do now? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Barney, I don't know if the oven is deep enough. Plus, it's a display made of cardboard. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"Huh. I should probably disconnect the gas. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"Hey, just so you guys know, there was a tiny expl*si*n at the sewage treatment plant across the street from our apartment, but I'm sure it's fine by now. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"It's not awesome! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Robin,"I think the smaller turkey just tried to crawl further inside the bigger turkey. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"Um... Um... I'm have... I'm having trouble breathing! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Ted, you're not gonna like this, but we do have one other option. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Could we bring Ted? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"No. Absolutely not. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Come on. Give her a chance. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Robin,"Ted, you violated a dead turkey with another dead turkey. Don't let that be in vain. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"Guys? Wait a minute. Where's Barney? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"And here's the twist, Babaka. Because Ted left early, he's now The Blitz. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"No. I c... Because... Step on it. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"You missed it. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Robin,"Tony Bennett passed Ted the mike and he sang ""Twist and Shout!"" " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"But he's The Blitz. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"No. I'm not The Blitz. I'm The Bueller. You know what this means. You're The Blitz. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"Oh, God, no! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"Life moves pretty fast, Barney. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Chicka-chicka! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Zoey. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Best friend alert! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Okay, the Turturkeykey is officially cooking. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"Oh, God, that is disgusting! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Okay, guys, that's starting to hurt. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"No... no, Ted. Random number guy just sent me his wang back. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Robin,"Wow. You sent a wang out, and you got a wang back. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"It's a boom-a-wang. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Robin,"Nice. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Thank you. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Robin,"No, I meant the wang. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"Sure. But... no one move while I'm gone. (whispering)I'm scared. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"Thanks. You're the only one who's nice to me about this. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"What happened? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"You missed it! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"Dude, you walked out of the room, the laws of physics stopped and the laws of awesome tripled. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"Aw, man! You said I could leave the room! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"No! Y-You... Robin, Robin. I will pay you to be The Blitz. $100! No-- $10,000. No-- 60 bucks. That's a lot of money for someone like you. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"Dude, The Blitz isn't something that can be bought or sold. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Oh, what was that? I was distracted by the four-caret diamond your 53-year-old husband bought you. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a turturkeykey to baste. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"No... I baste alone. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Who canceled? Your coven? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Are you happy? You're ruining Thanksgiving. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Oh... I'm sorry, Lily. I'm just never going to like that woman. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Ted, give her a chance. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Enemies can't become friends. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"No, no, no. You guys can't be objective. You still feel guilty about last night. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Robin,"Well, let's get an outside opinion. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Who are we gonna... " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Robin,"""Dear Wang Guy...Can enemies ever be friends? Just wondering."" " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Really? Wang Guy? We're asking Wang Guy? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Robin,"He's bold and uninhibited, so why not? And guys, you know what? For fun, why don't we ask him what he does for a living? Wouldn't that be fun? Just ask... " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Aww. You've got a little crush on Wang Guy, don't you? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Robin,"What? No. Shut up. I hate him. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"Oh, look. We got an answer. Here it is. ""Yes, enemies can become friends. ""Remember what Gandhi said. 'Be the change you want to see in the world.'"" " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,", " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"I'm not any Blitz! You're The Blitz! You're all The Blitz! I slept with that cute Indian girl who cuts my hair! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Robin,"What does that have to do with anything? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"Nothing! I just forgot to brag about it before! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Guys, despite the wit and wisdom of Wang Guy, Zoey and I are never going to be friends. We're just here for her oven and that's it. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Oh, my God! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"What? No. It was an accident. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Oh, great. Real mature. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Just stop it! God, can't you two just stop fighting for one day? Like, when the Roadrunner and the Coyote clocked out and had a beer together? Or-Or-Or Tom and Jerry shared a cup of coffee. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Lily, those are cartoon characters, and I'm pretty sure you're making up episodes. And if Zoey is a cartoon character, she's Cinderella's evil stepmother! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"But it's Thanksgiving. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"Wait... Where's Barney? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"Hey, guys, the most amazing thing just happened to me in that other roo... Aw, man. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"I don't get it. Why'd she just kick us out like that? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"I guess we're going home. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Lily, where'd you get that? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Lily,"Oh. When Zoey booted us, it made me want to steal something of hers again. Apartment full of designer labels, and what do I grab? ""Happy Turkey Day, Hannah. Love, Zoey."" I wonder who Hannah is. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"And if Zoey is a cartoon character, she's Cinderella's evil stepmother! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"We have to go back to Zoey's. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Barney let us in. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"Aw, man! Wait. Which half? " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Look, I'm sorry your stepdaughter didn't want to spend Thanksgiving with you. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"I just do. It must be tough. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"I get that. Uh, you should hang on to this. You can give it to her next year. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Hey, you never know. People don't stay enemies forever. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Marshall,"Ooh. Oh. Great idea. All right. Okay. Here we go. One, two, three. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Ted,"Thank you. Let's just hope it tastes as good as it looks. " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"What happened? I saw it! " 6x10 - Blitzgiving,Barney,"Thank you, God! " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," It looks good. I'll do. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," There's no more milk. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," I saw in the fridge. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," empty. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," So, throw it. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," The trash can is full. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," So, take out the trash. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," I eat cereal. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," You know, when I asked you to be my roommate, I said, ""A girl, she will be careful."" But no, you're an ogre Revenge of the Nerds. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," You know what? Instead of coming with references typical last minute like that, you should spend some time, I dunno... washing a dish. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Damn, I can not. I'm busy leave a plate of cookies for the elf magic puts toilet paper. Wait, there's no elf. It's always me! " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," I always changing. You, never! " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," This is ridiculous! " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," No, I went there yesterday... Stop it! Stop it! My God, what happens? When we were a couple, we lived together and we almost went insane. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," I know. It's been what? " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," You know what this is? We made love. Men and women need sex to live together. It resolves all disputes. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," As Barney's theory on world peace? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," I explained. I said, Madeline, every international conflict essentially boils down to sexual tension. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," All international conflicts? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," All, man. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," So, the crisis in the Middle East could be solved by... " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Gaza Strippers. Next. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Apartheid? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," ""Apartouze"". You have what? " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," The Cold w*r? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," ""Mrs. Gorbachev, removed her underwear."" " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Well, I think we should love again. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Yes, of course. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," I know. It's like riding a bike, man? " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Biking upside down. Well, listen. If it should happen on occasion, they say nothing to anyone. Sold. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Sold. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," Sold. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," You do not care what, guys? You are back together? " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," No. It was just love to do more fighting. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," It's a great idea. No, really. Hat guys. I saw in the future and everything works perfectly for everyone. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Why are you here anyway? " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," I was working and I had to take a leap here...reading this magazine. In... the room there. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," I understand. No problem. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," If this is a problem. You've done all the way here to read a magazine? I am willing to bet that there is a place to read this magazine at work. You know, a room with a little man on the door? " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," Well, Robin. Nobody likes reading a magazine at work. You leave your office holding a magazine... " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall,"... and the magazine says one thing and no one. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Have you thought about maybe not reading a magazine when you read a magazine? " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," You have to read a magazine. That's why there has magazines. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," So, this is wasted time. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," Exactly. And the worst part is, this piece of my hallway door to the toilet. It's exposure to criticism. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," It was my head. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," The boss. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," Anyway, I'd rather do it here. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," No, I'm sorry. This is our house now. Marshall, you should also read a magazine. Give me your key. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," No, certainly not. Reminds me of a bargain between three parties where no one would discuss a certain event happened. An event... persuasion. This key, madam, this is my silence. Good day to you both. " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," You slept together? " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," Thank you, Lily. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," You... have slept together. What are épouv...stouflant. Epouvstouflant. Well done, Ted. Bravo. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," It seems more important than it is. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," We talked and we realized we had some difficult months.It deserves a little fun. " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," No. It could ruin your friendship. When two former try the ""right opportunity"", someone always ends in pain. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," We will not get there, OK? Nobody will get hurt. It has established rules. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Rule number one: purely physical relationship. There are no feelings. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," This is like telling Fonzie be cool. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," And since it's just physical, it was not to worry love. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," You can do it watching TV! " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Absolutely! Let's multitasking. Use sex to spice up the boring activities. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," As folding laundry. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Paying the bills. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," It's not very hygienic. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Yes, not that one. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," And now they sleep together, we argue more. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Problem solved. In fact, the credit goes to Barney. This idea just your thing on the world peace. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Yes. Thank you, Barney. You were right. Peace was established. More than once. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," So, I am responsible for... Excellent. Excellent.Excellent. The next tour is for me! " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," Are you okay? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Yes. Why you ask? " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," For one thing, you cry openly. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," From joy. I am so happy for them. " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," Barney, admit it. You always have feelings for Robin and it tortures you. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," I'm going quite well. Excuse me just a minute. I'm going quite well. " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," You must learn to express your feelings. Perhaps you should see a psychiatrist. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Wait. If I pay a woman $ 200 an hour to feel better, it will not discuss. And there will be both on the couch. The woman in my scenario, she is a prostitute. Dirty, vulgar, all redone, from Eastern Europe... " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," I entered. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," There's something liberating not to take it seriously. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Last night we did when I answered the phone. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," I knew you had not of paddler! " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Wonderful, we still speak of that! " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Look, it's a private thing between me and Ted. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," It is not even discuss it if Marshall could read a magazine at work. " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," It was always like that. You remember, in law? " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," Sure. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," Baby? What has he? " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," The bank statement arrived today. You have booked a hotel two blocks from your school, a Tuesday. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," That's not what you think. " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," It's that, Marshall? What's her name? " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," Burrito. Carnitas Burrito. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Have you booked a hotel room just to read a magazine? " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," You do not want me to see if the waitress at a huge scale for this haughty tone with you? Nobody likes reading a magazine at work and they say they are not human. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Dude, I read a magazine at work every day. I will not say how many meetings where I was late because I 'was reading a magazine. "" But I'm not ashamed of that. This is my moment. Sure, ""magazine is read"" is not sexy, but you know, this is something I have to do. Why be ashamed? Wait, ""read a magazine"" that's wank, right? " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," I think so. You still have drank all my milk! " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," We can make love. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," OK. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," This is the ideal plan. Each time you start to yell, he lieth in place. One minute you're on the back of each other, and the one after that, well, the same thing. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Super. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," This morning, she cried through the door, ""You're too long in the shower! "". A second later, she joined me. There, it has not bothered me to take my time. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," If great. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Sorry for the delay. I was typing a Scherbatsky. She used all my stamps, so in short, the postman rang twice. Should you stamp it! " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," It's... just... if... Excuse me one second. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," So, plasmas are better in low light, but the LCD is best to play? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," So if I want a very good contrast ratio... " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," I take the CRT. " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," Barney, it's crazy. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," I'm fine, thank you. " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," No, it's wrong. You must learn to get it out. As we did in my kindergarten class. ""The time for emotions"", every Tuesday morning. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Look, maybe your kids resent their friends sleep together, but not me. I have never been better. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Hello. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Hello. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," It was fun last night. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Sure, it was a good one. Personal memo: leave it lying around the pizza box more often. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Okay, see you later. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Last night, Robin left a pizza box lying on the floor, so we had sex three times. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," OK. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," And this morning before leaving for work... we kissed. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," Bizarre. It's weird. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," What? This kiss has violated the spirit of our arrangement. She probably thinks that I have feelings for her. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," Do you have any? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Yes, I love it. That's what... It's you, man. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," No. It meant nothing. It was just a reflex when we were a couple. But I did everything go wrong. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Clearly. This is the end. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," Wait. Maybe she has not found it weird. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," It was weird. Bizarre, weird, weird. B-I-R-A-Z-R-E.Bizarre. " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," That's not how it is written. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Come on, Lily. Do not your Ted. " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," I warned you. When ex relapse, ultimately, it hurts someone. But nobody is listening. This is the story of my life.My nice face that prevents people listen to my message. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," What do I do? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," A single solution. You must stop sleeping together, please. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," I think we should stop sleeping. Ted and I, it's like cigarettes. You take one into thinking it is good. And very quickly, you buy one carton per week. I must stop it. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," I have to stop it. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," So, you stop that, huh? " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," I think so. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," This is for the best. It was fun, but I do not want it becoming weird. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," I do not either. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Colocs? " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Colocs. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," But they say nothing to anyone. Okay? " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Sold. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," Sold. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Dude! " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Seriously! " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," What is your problem? " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," It did not last long. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Actually, what you did not care for us? I thought you had the perfect plan. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," That was the case. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," Everything was going well. I felt more and more comfortable, more confident. I could conquer the world. One morning I'm in the eighth with a magazine. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," The celebrities extend their clothes? I also extend my machine. Do not enter! " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," It did not last long. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Thank you. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," What are you doing? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Because of your bickering roommates are always a source of conflict between you two, I wanted to help. In fact, I went to the post. I took you stamps. In about 10 000. That should be enough. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Thanks, I guess. You want a beer? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," I took it in passing. It's nothing. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," You have bought us a dishwasher? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," It has always been there. You've been here how long? " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," So you take it all and you can avoid to argue, eh? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Exactly. I worry about you. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," It bothers you that we sleep together, right? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Not at all. It's crazy. What? " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," You're in love with Robin? You're in love with Robin.That's why you not want people sleeping together. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," What? You say anything. A friend can not clean the apartment of another friend like friends do? " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Cite me a buddy in the story of friends who has already done that. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," I give you two: Clean and gentlemen Solcarlus. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," That thing between me and Robin is completely innocent.I flipperai if you tell me not feel something for her. This is the case? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," No. This is not true, no. This is not true, no. No. Robin is all yours, man. Exploding yourself with it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go sleep with other girls. " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Are you sure? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Yes! " 4x12 - Benefits,Ted," Positive? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Absolutely. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," And I went with a bang. Why did I do that? It comes perhaps my father issues, but... basically, I allowed my best friend to sleep with the girl of my dreams. I completely sabotaged. And now, I smoke. I smoke. " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," Get out of here. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," But it's time and emotions I Emotive, bears sharing.Whoever Emotive, Bear's shares, can sit on the chair of the division. " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," Barney, you're not at your therapist. These children also have their problems, you know. Ben's parents divorced. " 4x12 - Benefits,Lily," Who wants to do the coloring? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Great, it's Lily who sent you? I have not the bear, OK?I will make it! Why are you smiling? " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," I just... reading a magazine. Here at work. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," What? " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," It's the funniest thing. I was on the net, looking at hotels when I realized something. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," This is stupid. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," I decided it was time to face my complex and do what I had to do and once that decision, everything changed. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," You're right, Super Babe Are My Woman Stop telling me Why You Are Not Famous But I stop To forget. Let's do it. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Congratulations. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall," Thank you. I would have done well at some point.Sometimes you have to... You have to say and... go there. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Marshall, I gotta go. In fact, there are toilets here, if you want to use. " 4x12 - Benefits,Marshall,"... Species " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Ted, I must tell you the truth. I love... tacos. What are you doing? " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," I go step-louse. If you are looking for Ted, he was released. And... our little arrangement is... completed, by the way. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Really? That's Wife... vantable. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Epousvantable? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Yes, it is épousvantable. What has happened? " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," He insisted. He said ""no longer able to do"" if ""it hurt someone."" I think we all know who he is talking about. " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Oh? " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," It's not obvious? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," It is? " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Yes. This is Ted. You know how it romantic. He can not separate the physical emotion. It is kind of... " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," I love you. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Right. It's not like you, you know? In addition, we are friends. I want to complicate matters by committing. Hanging out with friends never works. So... you want to go eat a taco? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," A Taco? " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," You love them, right? " 4x12 - Benefits,Barney," Just. " 4x12 - Benefits,Robin," Come on, I'm hungry. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Nice! Where'd you get this? " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Stashed a cooler behind the pulpit. Beer be with you. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"And also with you. Man, this is what church has been missing. Dude, you fixed church. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Yeah. You're welcome, God. Nervous? " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"What? No. I'm just hoping it doesn't rain. Why? Do I look nervous? " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Look at your beer, dude. You always do that when you're nervous. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"; It's a sad day in New York, Ted. A sad day, indeed. Do you know what I saw on my way in here? A girl... In a sweater. And you know what that means. The season of exposed skin is over. Exactly. Gone are the t*nk tops, Ted. Gone are the cute little skirts. Gone are the sun dresses. The sun dresses, Ted! I don't think I can make it another eight months with no sun dresses. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Barney, I really... I have to grade these papers. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"I'm sorry. I'll let you work. But first, a riddleWhat piece of women's attire most stokes a man's desire? " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"A sun dress. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Correct. What lightweight outfit, pink or white, makes the front of my slacks abnormally tight? " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"I really have to get this done. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Of course, of course. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Thank you. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"""Sun dress,"" by the way. Hey! What are you nervous about? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. What flowing cotton frock... " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Okay, I'll tell you. Just... There's a... There's a girl sitting at the bar. Don't look! " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"I want to see a pretty girl. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Okay, you can look. Just-just-just be cool for once. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"I'll be cool. Ah, Ted. You got your beer label in a bunch over nothing. Listen to your Uncle Barney. You have no reason to be nervous. None whatsoever. And I'm going to tell you why in one word. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"And what's that word? " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Dibs! " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"What... You can't call dibs on a girl I've been sitting here thinking about maybe talking to eventually at some point. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"You never called dibs. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Dibs were implied. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Implied dibs? " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Yeah. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Ted, you are spitting on the grave of Sir Walter Dibs, inventor of the dib. It was 1652... The SS Dibs was lost at sea... " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Look, I don't have time for a fake history lesson, so I'll keep this simple. You go over there and talk to that girl, I will see you in court. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"And who's gonna represent you? Dibs on Marshall as my lawyer! " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Damn it! " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Where is Marshall anyway? " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Okay, I'm almost ready to leave. Let's just go through the checklist. Candles? " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Check. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Music to set the mood? " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Check. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Music for when we're actually doing it? " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Check. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"You know what? To hell with your dibs. I'm going over there right now and talking to her. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Oh, yeah, yeah? Be my guest. Fall in love with her. Get married. Just know thisWhen I step up to make my toast as your best man... " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Actually, Marshall would probably be... " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"As your best man... " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Ladies and Gentlemen... I... had dibs. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"No! " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"What? " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"I had implied dibs. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Shhh, shh. You're the victim here. We both are. Let's get out of here. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"We could just do it right here. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Fine. Have at it. Exercise your dibs. She's got her shields up anyway. She's reading a book. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Yeah. At a bar. That book might as well be called, ""Are You There, Barney? It's Me, Horny."" That is not what ""shields up"" looks like. ( " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"Move. God! ( " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Oh, good God, woman. You're a disgrace. " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"No fries for this guy. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Robin, seriously, I love you, but it's like you have squiggly cartoon odor lines coming off of you right now. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"You know what, Barney? Just cut her some slack, okay? She just went through a breakup. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"With hygiene? " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Here, have some tea. " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"Thanks. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Robin, I am here for you. Whatever you need. " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"Okay, about that. Ted, listen. I know myself pretty well. And, some time over the next few months, I'm going to want to sleep with you. And when that happens, you have to try to say no. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Try? I will absolutely say no. Our friendship is too important. " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"Okay, you know, maybe I wasn't clear enough. I will come at you with everything I've got. I will stalk you like the lioness stalks the gazellecareful, patient, deadly. And if you let your guard down for so much as a second, as sure as you were born, I will hump your brains out. " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"Okay, I'm ready to have sex now. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"It was a tough summer, but I think our girl's been a real trooper. She's... Is this a Cheeto? " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"No, we ran out of Cheetos last week. Oh, yeah, it's a Cheeto. Dibs. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Oh, you're exquisite. You must let me paint you. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Hey Robin, what do you think? The girl sitting at the bar. Shields up? " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"Mmm, totes, toots. She's here on a date. She brought the book because she got here early, and she also wants to impress the guy she's meeting. Girls like to come across all classy and smart, you know? " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"This? What you're doing right now? I'm getting a ""de-rection."" " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Hey! How'd it go? You pregnant yet? " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Nope! " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Okay, so, here's what happened. I was at home, waiting for Marshall. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Hey! How was your day? Don't answer. No time. Bedroom. No, no. No time. Floor. No, no time. Against this wall! " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Marshall, whoa! Wait. A big package just arrived. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Yeah, it did. " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"No, no. It's a real package from your dad. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Well, that's a little weird, but yeah, it is. " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Marshall, look! " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"A bassinet? Oh, my... He must've made it in his wood shop. Wasn't that sweet of him? Lil? Isn't that sweet? Lily? " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"You told your dad we're trying to have a baby? " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Of course I did. I tell my dad everything. My dad is my best friend. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Ohhh " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"We have been looking forward to this magical, special night for two weeks now. And, sweetie, during that time, I have been... How do I put this delicately? Saving all my love for you. " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"I have read 11 books on conception. I have cut out alcohol, caffeine and sugar. I take my temperature every hour. But good for you for not playing with yourself. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"I feel you, buddy. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Ah, no! Don't even touch me, dude. It's been, like... It's been two weeks. I'm, like, a light breeze away from having a big problem. Seriously. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Okay, Barney. What's this going to cost me? " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Excuse me? " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Your dibs. I want to buy your dibs. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Two... hundred... and fifty thousand dollars. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"20 bucks. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"But I... Can I go smell her first? " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"No. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Fine. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"All right. Wish me luck. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"What the hell are you doing? " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"That girl she's talking to? I dated her. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Oh, that sucks! And dibs. " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"So you went on one date with one of her friends. It's not necessarily a big deal. I mean, did it end on bad terms? " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"Well, I guess you just got to move on. I mean, it's not like you have a sh*t with Ready McGee over there, right? Ted? " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"I got to see her ankles. " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"You're one of those? God, I swear, one in five guys... " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Lily! We kind of had a plan tonight, remember? Candles? Banjo? " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Who else did you tell? Did you tell anyone at the office? " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Shannon? Start the music... " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"I may have mentioned it in passing to a couple of colleagues at work. I'm sorry about that, but you know what? I got to be able to tell my dad. " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Your dad is the last person you should tell! The man is too involved in our lives! It's like, every time the phone rings... " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Hello. " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Hello. " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Hello. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Pickles would have helped that sandwich! " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"The man has no boundaries. And I just can't procreate under these conditions! " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"So, call him and tell him we decided not to have a baby. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Okay, so you just... You want me to give my dad a stroke? " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Only if you want to give this a stroke. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"That's ridiculous. Lily, there is no way that I would ever... Okay, everyone needs to shut up so that I can think! " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Robin " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"Robin " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"They're talking to a guy now. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"What kind of guy? A cheesy guy or a cool guy? " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"Oh, a cheesy guy. Don't worry. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Oh, man! That guy is cool. His hair's all cool, he's got a cool belt. " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"Well, that guy is cheesy, and if you think he's not cheesy, then you're cheesy, too, and now I want something cheesy. Who's feeling nachos? " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Oh, look at you, Robin. You're jealous. " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"Jealous? " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Yeah, jealous, because she's got it, and you've lost it. " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"I have not lost it. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"You lost it. " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"I still have it. I know exactly where it is, and I can go get it whenever I want. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Robin, girls are like cartons of milk. Each one has a hotness expiration date, and you've hit yours. I'm not saying the occasional guy won't still open the fridge, pick you up, give a sniff, shrug and take a sip anyway But it's all downhill from here. " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"I don't have to take this. But I do have to take this. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Marshall " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Okay, so you just want me to call my dad and tell him that we're not having a baby? " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Okay, out of curiosity,when do we tell him about the baby? " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"We'll tell him about the baby when there's a baby to tell him about. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall," So, he just gets no notice? He just walks into his boss's office, and says, ""I just had a grandson. I'm gonna be out for three months."" " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Out for three months? " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Yeah. He and my mom are coming to live with us when the baby's born. We talked about this. " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"No, we didn't. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"I meant, me and my dad. " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"You know what, Marshall? Why don't you have a baby with your dad? " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Oh, okay, Lily.Why don't you have a baby with your butt? " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"What? " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"I can't think straight! Why do you have to wear that shirt? This is not how I thought this night was going to go! " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Oh, God, this sucks! Do you think she saw me? " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Yeah, she definitely saw you. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Yeah. Yeah, sure. I mean, how could that not be fun? If I don't come back, tell my mom I love her. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Okay, will do. And dibs. " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Barney, am I crazy? Marshall talks to his dad way too much, right? " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Oh, you don't want my opinion on that. " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Why not? " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"If I had my dad's number, I would never not be on the phone with him. " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"That was really... " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Whoa, a hottie with a body! Boing...! " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Brief. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"No. Lily, look. " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"14 seconds! 14 seconds, and already some dingdong is stepping up, thinking he can get some of this broke off. I... still... got... it. All right, buddy, you proved my point. Now scram. Nice belt, by the way. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Robin, you do look super hot. " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"Oh, do I? " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Yeah, you do. " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"Thanks. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Or set me up with one of your friends. No, I'm kidding. That would be weird. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"It wouldn't, would it? Any one of those three. Whichever's easiest and right nearby. And not the beer. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Totally. " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"Say good-bye before you leave? " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Her words exactly. " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"Dude, you are so in. That is so awesome. A high five doesn't even cut it. High six! " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"She didn't see us high-six, did she? " 6x01 - Big Days,Barney,"No. Good. That was pretty lame. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Yeah, let's never do that again. " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Marshall? " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"What? Lily, what? Are there more members of my family that you want to crap all over? " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Here's the thing. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"I'm sorry. Hold on. Just... It's my dad. Lily, it's my dad, okay? I love him, and if he calls me, I'm gonna answer the phone! Hey, Dad. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Dad, this is... " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Dad, I'm in the middle of something right now. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"He's insane. My dad is insane. I'm so sorry, Lily. He's just... He's so... enthusiastic. It's ridiculous, you know? Like, who's like that? " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"You. You're like that. You and your dad both care so much. It's... it's why women fall in love with the Eriksen men to begin with. But right now, it's a lot of pressure. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Baby, I'm not trying to pressure you one bit. " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"What if I can't have a baby? That could happen. I could totally let you down. Has that thought not occurred to you? " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Not even for one second. Not having a baby would suck, but the idea of you letting me down... that's impossible. That would be like aliens landing. That's a bad example, because that could happen. It probably already has. I saw this, episode... All right. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"I'm doing this. I am going over there. Wish me luck. " 6x01 - Big Days,Robin,"Like I said, she's here on a date. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Okay, maybe I'm a little nervous. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Dude, it's just a wedding toast. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"I know. I just... I want it to be great, you know? I want this whole day to be great. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"It will be. " 6x01 - Big Days,Lily,"Best man? You're being summoned. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Geez, what now? " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"Ted, seriously, relax. Everything's... Okay, and it's raining. " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"Yeah. You were saying? " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"You didn't happen to bring an umbrella, did you? " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,"No. I didn't bring an umbrella. " 6x01 - Big Days,Marshall,"I mean, everyone told us that it might take a while, but... We thought we might be the exception to the rule. Anyways, we're getting back on that horse. I mean, feeling good about the future. Obviously, this goes without saying, but you won't tell Lily about any of this, right? " 6x01 - Big Days,Ted,No! Of course! Absolutely! 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Yes, I realize it's raining, but, come on, it's 2021. We can make cell phones that project holograms, but a light drizzle shuts down a whole airport? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Hey... There she is. Wow. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Wendy the Waitress! I was just saying-- what are you doing here? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"So, Barney, I hear you and Nora had a fun time at laser tag. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"I don't know where you heard that. It was a disaster. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"Not according to her. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"You want to grab a drink right now? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"Absolutely. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"How is that a disaster? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"She didn't want to get drinks. And as soon as a girl says she doesn't want to get drinks, well... " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"You want to grab a drink right now? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"Absolutely. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"It's a shame, too. She was a really great laser tag partner. She's tiny, so she's allowed to push kids. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"Please, Cheese. You like this girl. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"What? Nora? No, I don't. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"Barney, you can't say her name without smiling. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"That's... Nora. Sorry, sorry. I was thinking of a funny thing that Nora said. Hmm. Stop it. No... ra. Nah... Damn it, what is the matter with me? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"You like her. You should call her. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"Call her? she had a nice face, her booty was in place, but Barney don't chase. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"That is ridiculous. Barney, you know what, here's some advice. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"Totally. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"No, it's a cute story. Once upon a time... " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Zoey was married to this super rich, super creepy guy called The Captain. So when Zoey and I became friends, I was careful not to cross any lines. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"I know, right? But then one day, Zoey and The Captain had a huge fight. He flipped out and demanded a divorce. And she was heartbroken. But after a little soul-searching, she ended up back in my and the rest, as they say, is history. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Oh. A little cold. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Oh. Yeah, I don't want to see The Captain. I mean this in a super manly way. That guy scares the panties off me. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"If it's really important to you, I will pick it up tomorrow. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"All right, guys, I have to go. I have a big meaningless stack of paperwork that I have to get off my desk to make room for tomorrow's big meaningless stack of paperwork. But it's all worth it, you know, 'cause at least I know I'm making the world a... place. All right, see you guys later. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"I'm worried about Marshall. He doesn't seem like himself lately. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Yeah, he's been really... quiet. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"Well, that's just what Minnesota guys are like... strong, silent, you know, man's man. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"Like Prince. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"No, it's more than that. It's like, all the stuff he used to love, he suddenly has no interest in anymore. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"Oh. Ha-wink " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Excuse me? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"Lily, in my travels, I've developed a finely calibrated sense of how long it's been since... How do I not put this delicately?... a girl's been porked. And, boo, you've been pork-free so long, you're practically kosher. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"It's been a while. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"Five weeks, three days by my estimation. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"You should work at a carnival. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"I tried. They're pretty strict with backgrounds. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Anyway, we should get going. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Yeah, I'll walk out with you guys. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"Good night. Good night, guys. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"18 weeks. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"Damn it. Okay, yes, I am in a bit of a dry spell. But I just started a new job, and dating's been on the back burner, and... " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"Shh. Child, listen. If you're really hurting for it, I'd be more than happy to throw you one. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"Throw me one? Yeah. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"We're exes. We're probably due for a backslide. Or we could just do it the normal way. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"Oh, I see what's going on. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"Yeah? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"This is about Nora. You met a girl, you liked her, but then you missed your sh*t. And now you're trying to hook up with your ex-girlfriend to prove to yourself that you don't care. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"Robin, you could not be more... What do you mean I missed my sh*t? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"Nora met a guy. What?! " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"What? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"Yep. Off the market. He's taking her to Cafe L'Amour this Friday night. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"But ""L'Amour"" means love! They're going to the cafe of love! I'm fine. It's fine. Point is, Robin, I don't even like Nora. Damn it! " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Oh, baby, why aren't you in bed? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"I can't sleep. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Mmm. Anything I can do to help you with that? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"Maybe after this documentary on garbage. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Man, I am losing my touch. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"I have to save the planet! " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Is it over? I call on top. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"I'm here to... " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Captain. I... " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Pssh, nah... " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"Garbage Island. You haven't heard of Garbage Island? It's an island... made of garbage! It's in the Pacific Ocean. It's twice the size of Texas! " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"In other words, one-eighth the size of Canada. So... " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"Guys, I'm going environmental, okay? Phase onethe bar. I've already convinced MacLaren's to implement a new green initiative. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"You're welcome... Earth. Phase twoGNB. Tomorrow I'm going to make a presentation in front of the board about how we can cut our carbon footprint by half for only $12 million. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"Dude, don't do that. All they're going to hear is ""$12 million,"" and all you're going to hear is the sound of the door smacking your fired ass. And some muffled laughter. Which I apologize for in advance. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Guys, I got a problem. I ran into The Captain. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Wow. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Yes! Limit the search to guys with mustaches. Smart. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"And that's the last time you saw her. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"That's damn good brandy. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Oh, Captain... don't blame yourself. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Me. I'm the bad guy. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"Well, maybe to him you are, but in the story of picking up the box for Zoey, you're the hero. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Damn it! The box! " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"Baby, baby, I really got to work on this presentation. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Oh, that's too bad, 'cause I was going to make a little presentation of my own. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"Okay, why notfrom now until tomorrow afternoon, I do this, and then tomorrow night, I do that. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Deal. Come on, come on. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"Lily! " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"You lying little minx. I happened to be at Cafe L'Amour tonight from 5:00 p.m. until closing, reading a newspaper with two holes cut out of it, and I never saw Nora or this Italian race car driver she's dating. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"Sorry. Who said anything about an...? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"Come on, you just know he's an Italian race car driver. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"No, he's not. He doesn't exist. I made the whole thing up to see if you like her. And you do. So you should just call her. Here is her number. And I also programmed it into your phone while you were in the bathroom. Wow. That was a joke. You just got here, remember? You really are smitten. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"No, I'm not. I'm Barney Stinson. I don't get smitten, I smite! " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"You are totally smitten, but you're scared of being in a relationship. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"No, I'm not. I can't be anyone's boyfriend, Robin. If I got serious with Nora, it would be like if Mother Teresa focused all her attention on one really hot orphan. With great penis comes great responsibility. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"Okay, Mother Teresa, throw me one. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"Sorry? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"I would like it if you threw me one. Fastball, right down the middle. Actually, if I recall correctly, a slight curve. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"Careful, Robin, I'll do it. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"Oh, I don't think you will. Hmm. Because you don't want to screw things up with Nora. Hey, prove me wrong. Tomorrow night, my place. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"Don't poke the dragon, Robin, 'cause the dragon will poke you back. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Sex now, we'll do the foreplay after. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"Oh, no, baby, come on. Today didn't go so well. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"The green initiative, for only $12 million, will change the way... " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"Well, because we can always do more. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"Well, meeting Sting isn't gonna fix anything, Arthur! " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"Meeker got fired because of me. I'm the bad guy. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"No, sweetie, just-just put all that out of your mind and relax. Look, I got you a six-pack of tall boys from the deli. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"Hey, baby. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Yeah? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"What happened to the plastic rings that held the six-pack together? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Oh, I-I don't know. I threw them down the garbage chute. Let's just use the handcuffs instead. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"Baby, birds can get caught in those and then they dwown in a sea of wubbish! Weren't you listening? Don't you care about Garbage Island? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Marshall, right now, I don't give a wat's ass about Garbage Island. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"Well, I do. I got to find those rings! " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Cwap. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Hi, I'm here to pick up... " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"To the study? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Know what? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"That son of a bitch! You think Zoey's sleeping with the doorman? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"No, no, no, you can't fire him. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Oh, my God! No, no! No physical retribution! Stop! " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Look, look, yes, yes, the doorman is a scoundrel. The mustache alone gives that away. He's a rake, a rogue, a rapscallion! " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"But it's not his fault, okay? It's nobody's fault. You and Zoey have nothing in common. For God's sake, Captain, she hates boats! You're just not right for each other. Look, I know it's tough to face, but I'm sure a small part of you has always known that. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Of course they do. And you'll find one. And you'll be much happier with her than you ever were with Zoey. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Yeah, yeah! And, you know, since, since it doesn't really matter who Zoey's dating now... " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"It's me. You're welcome. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Okay, baby, what gives? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"I'm sorry, but neither of us are getting any action until I find those rings. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"I hope this doesn't make me look desperate. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"All right, Robin, give it to me. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"Damn it, Barney, you failed my test! You know, I- I try to root for you. Even as your ex-girlfriend, when you meet someone, I'm like, ""Yeah, Barney, go get her!"" But you know what? Just forget it. You're never gonna change. I'm done trying to help you. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"The number. Give me the number, 'cause I really can't tell... Is that a seven or a nine? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"It's a five, idiot. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"A fi...? In what moon man language is that a five? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"""Moon man language""? What does that even mean? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"How am I supposed to see that's a five? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"Look how you taped this up... " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Barney,"Fine, fine, fine. I have a phone call to make. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Robin,"Barney. Go get her. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Listen, Zoey, I need to ask you something. Did I steal you? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"So I'm the bad guy. Great. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"If you say so. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Okay, Marshall, seriously, what's going on? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"He'll never get to see how I turn out. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"What do you mean? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"My dad. You know, I used to, um, I used to always tell him that I was gonna be an environmental lawyer. And he was always so proud of me for that. But he never got to see the version of me that was anything but a corporate stooge. And now it's too late. And we're starting a family, you know. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Are you avoiding sleeping with me 'cause you don't want to start a family? " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"Lily, if we have a baby right now, that is just it for me. The cement will dry, and I will be stuck at GNB forever. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Marshall, if you want to quit your job and go work for the NRDC right now, then you need to do that right now. And then, once you've cleaned up all the oceans and saved the planet... you know, like, a year from now... then we'll start a family. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"I don't know. So far, in the name of saving the planet, I've ruined your night, I practically broke Wendy's back and I got Meeker fired. The guy must hate me. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Lily,"Meeker doesn't hate you. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Wow. That's a pretty good omelet. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"No, no, no. Wow, that did not end well. But it's all for the best, 'cause now I'm married to an amazing girl, we have two kids. It's actually a funny story of how we met. I was a best man at this wedding... " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Okay, well, have a safe trip. It was great seeing you. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Marshall,"Hey, Ted. " 6x17 - Garbage Island,Ted,"Hey. You will not believe who I just ran into. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Everyone, this is Blah-blah. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," So, Blah, how did you two meet? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," It was so magical. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," She's gonna tell some bogus story about a cooking class because she's embarrassed we met online. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," Ay, Chihuahua. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," What? There's no stigma anymore. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Robin," Oh, there's a stigma. That's why people always say there's no stigma anymore. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," So, she's hot. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Oh, she's gorgeous. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Then she's crazy. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," No she's not. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Ted, the only hot girls that troll the Internet for dudes are crazy, hookers or dudes. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," OK, she's not crazy, she's not a hooker, she's not a dude. Though there's this guy I pass on my work every day who's all three, scares the crap out of me. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," There's no way she's above the line on the hot-crazy scale. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," She's not even on the hot-crazy scale. She's just hot. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Robin," Wait, hot-crazy scale? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Let me illustrate. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," A girl is allowed to be crazy... " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney,"... as long as she is equally hot. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," You want the girl to be above this line " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Also known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. This girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head... " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney,"...then lose ten pounds. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," She'd s*ab me with a fork... " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney,"... then get a boob job. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," I should give her a call. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," OK, so please, just play along with her fake story. We met in a cooking class. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," I don't know, Ted, I don't know if I can just play along with your crazy girlfriend's fake story. Now, if you had said fake breasts... " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," She's not crazy. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," OK, we'll see. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," It's crazy how cute that is. It's crazy. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," You know who else has a really cute story of how they met? Marshall and Lily. You guys should tell that story right now. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall,"Blah-blah: Yeah. All right, but spoiler alert, it ends with everyone saying 'aw.' " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," Aw. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," Starts with it too. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," It was late August 1996 " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," Lily and I were both freshmen moving into " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall,"Lily, Hewitt Hall. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall,"College Hi. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily,"College Hi. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," I know, right? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," Dude, this black-haired Goth chick stopped by today, wanna tap that. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Anybody'd be stressed out meeting new people. She's not crazy. Crazy generous maybe, buying us drinks. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Shut up. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Robin," No, no no no no no no no no no no no no no. Barney and I are not together. No. No. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Really? Sixteen no's. Really? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Robin," Yeah. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," You know who else is friends with Ted? Marshall. How did we meet? It's a good story, I'm gonna tell it right now. Uh, it was the first day of college. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted,"College Hey. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted,"College Marshall: Good afternoon, sir. I'm Marshall Eriksen. College Sir? Please, just call me Ted. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall,"College Good afternoon, sir. I'm Marshall Eriksen. College Sir? Please, just call me Ted. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall,"College OK, Dean Ted. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted,"College Whoa. Someone's been eating a sandwich. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall,"College What? No. Really? I don't know 'cause I don't even know what sandwiches smell like. My parents are gonna donate a lot of money to this school. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted,"College So you're bottom bunk, that's cool. I wanted the top bunk anyway. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall,"College What do you mean? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted,"College I'm your new roommate. College Marshall: This is so unfair. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall,"College I'm your new roommate. College This is so unfair. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," I didn't realize Ted wasn't the dean until later that night. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," You're not the dean. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Robin," College, good times. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Oh, here we go. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Your own line of handbags? That's crazy. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Robin," Uh, no, but I would love to buy one of them if... Where can I get one? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Robin," Look, there's nothing going on between me and Ted. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Robin," No, I'm just saying you don't have anything to worry about. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Robin," No, I'm saying that you shouldn't be. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," You know what else is a good story, how Barney and I met. Barney, tell that story, right now. Please. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," OK, Ted, this is a crazy story. You're gonna love it. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Tonight's the first time I'm taking my deaf brother out since our mom died. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Oh, I'm sorry about that. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," No, it's OK. I have to take care of him now. Of course, I have had to put my dreams on hold in order to do it, but I'm happy to. He's my brother and I love him. I'm sorry, it's all still so fresh. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Oh man, I'm really sorry. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Wow, you bought that? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," What? Barney: I just made that up mid-pee. It worked on you, it's definitely gonna work on that blonde chick at the end of the bar. Unless you're a total idiot. What's your name? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," What? I just made that up mid-pee. It worked on you, it's definitely gonna work on that blonde chick at the end of the bar. Unless you're a total idiot. What's your name? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Ted. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Are you a total idiot, Ted? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Well, I'm still having this conversation, so... Barney: Well played. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Well, I'm still having this conversation, so... Well played. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," I like you Ted. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Barney. We met at the urinal. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Oh right, hi. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Lesson one, lose the goatee, it doesn't go with your suit. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," I'm not wearing a suit. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Lesson two, get a suit. Sutis are cool. Exhibit A. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Lesson three, don't even think about getting married till your thirty. And lesson four, be totally silent for the next five minutes. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Hey, Audrey, this is my deaf brother, Edward. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Edward, this is Audrey. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," He doesn't sign. He's embarrassed by his hands. They're tiny and lady-like. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," I'm Edward. Nice to meet you too. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," What? You are over your hand issues. It's about time. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," My brother's a great guy. You should give him your phone number. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," And even though that girl ended up giving me a fake number, I knew that Ted and I would be each other's wingmen forever. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Barney, it's time you knew, um, that story actually goes a little bit differently. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," He's lying to you. Just give him a fake number. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Great, funny. God, with a wingman like Ted, I might need to resort to meeting someone in a super desperate and lame way, like online. Online. Online. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," OK, yes, I told them, but it's not a big deal. Lots of people meet on the Internet. That whole seeing a stranger across a crowded room thing, that only happens in the movies. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Yeah, that never happens. Oh wait, except you and Robin. That's how you guys met, right? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Robin," A year. But don't worry, the relationship wasn't that good. By the end, it was mostly about sex, which was not that good. But I was the problem. I'd just lie there. Ted is very good. I'm sure he will get you where you need to go. Can I buy your bags online? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Come on, blah-blah, it's not like that. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Well, we're closing in on the half. Let's see how Blah-blah's doing on the crazy-hot scale. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," She started the night here " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," But as the night's progressed, she's gotten crazier but no hotter which has caused her to drift across the Mendoza diagonal and dangerously close to the Shelley Gillespie zone. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Another girl I dated. She gained twenty pounds and tried to k*ll me with a brick. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but seriously there's nothing going on with me and Robin. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Their story is not as magical as it seems. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," No, I can't, it's kind of a secret. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," The night before Lily met Marshall, there was this party. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted,"College Hey, you a freshwoman? I never use the word freshman. Sexist. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily,"College Yeah, I'm a first-year. I'm in Hewitt 220. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted,"College No way, Hewitt 110. You should totally come by. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily,"College Maybe I will, Hewitt 110. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted,"College These drunk idiots. Hey, don't drink their two dollar beer. This is a pinot noir from Europe. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily,"College Oh, it's fruity. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted,"College Yeah, I cut it with some cranberry juice, it's pretty strong. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily,"College So, uh, do you have a girlfriend? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted,"College Yeah. Not sure about the whole long distance thing though. It's like Descartes says, ""In order to determine whether we can know anything with certainty, we first have to doubt everything we know."" You know? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily,"College Wow. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," As drunk as she was, when she woke up the next morning, she still remembered room 110. That's why she knocked on the door. She was looking for me. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Yeah, and in all these years Lily and I have never spoken about it, so again, mum's the word, OK? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," If he heard that, it would destroy him. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Oh, come on, you wouldn't. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Oh no. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," I don't think anyone wants to hear that story. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," Don't be embarrassed, Ted, it was a long time ago. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted,"College I made a huge mistake last night, but it's like Descartes says. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted,"College In order to determine whether there's anything we can know with certain, we first have to doubt everything we know. And I now know for certain that I love you, Karen. Anyway, call me back when you get this. I'm also going down to the computer center to send you an electronic mail. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall,"College Ted, this is Lily. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted,"College No, no, I'm sorry but I love Karen. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Yes, that is the unabridged story of how Lily and I met. How embarrassing. Who wants another round? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," Tell us what? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Lily, will you help us get the next round? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," Ted, what's going on? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," She knows about us, about how we really met. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," Yeah, I know, I just told her. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," No, the real story. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," Ted, what are you talking about? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Lily, come on. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," Come on what? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Lily, come on. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," Ted, I honestly don't know what you're talking about. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Lily, come on. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," What? Ted and I never made out. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Yeah, we did. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," I only made out with one other guy in college before I met Marshall, and it was just some random dude. I don't even remember his name. I just call him too-much-tongue guy. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," What? Too-much-tongue guy? I'm not surprised to hear that coming from unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," That wasn't me. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Yes it was, at the freshman orientation party. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," No, no no no no no no no no no no no. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," How much fun is this? All of us reminiscing about how we met me? Robin, have I told you how I met Marshall? Robin: Yeah, like five or six times. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Robin," How much fun is this? All of us reminiscing about how we met me? Robin, have I told you how I met Marshall? Yeah, like five or six times. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," It was right over there. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Here's your problem, you've only slept with one woman. Those kind of stats are only okay if you're eleven. But tonight, we're getting you a new girl because Marshall Eriksen, from this moment on, I make all your decisions for you. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," I'm sorry, who are you again? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," This is Barney, I met him the other day. He's kind of a jackass. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," I'm teaching Ted how to live, and lucky you, I have room for one more student. Think of me as Yoda, only instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro. I'm bro-da. And tonight you are gonna use The Force to get the hottest chick in this bar into bed. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," You're gonna use force? 'Cause that sounds wrong, bro-da. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," No, The Force. It's a Star Wars reference. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," So we should make lots of Star Wars references around girls, that's what you're saying? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," I'm not gonna cheat on my girlfriend. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Yes, you are, with the hottie that just walked in. Look at her. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted,"Barney: How much hotter is she than your girlfriend? Marshall: There's no comparison. What do you think, Ted? Go for it? Oh, don't do it, man. Think about Lily. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," How much hotter is she than your girlfriend? Marshall: There's no comparison. What do you think, Ted? Go for it? Oh, don't do it, man. Think about Lily. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," How much hotter is she than your girlfriend? There's no comparison. What do you think, Ted? Go for it? Oh, don't do it, man. Think about Lily. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," You know what, I don't care. I've been with one woman for too long. I need me some strange. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Yes, yes, pep talk. You can do this, but to be more accurate, you probably can't. You're way out of practice and she is way too hot for you. So, remember, tonight isn't about scoring, it's about believing that you can do it even though you probably can't. Go get him, tiger. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Poor guy's gonna crash and burn. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," That man is a god. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," For like a week after, Barney followed me around, asking me to teach him how to live. I even got him to do my laundry once. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," I thought it was a Mr. Miyagi kind of thing. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," Marshall, I need to talk to you. Can we go somewhere in private? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," Yeah, of course, what's wrong? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall,"Blah-blah: Lily and Ted made out. What do you think of that, Robin? What are you talking about? Lily: You know that guy I made out with at the freshman orientation party? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily,"Blah-blah: Lily and Ted made out. What do you think of that, Robin? What are you talking about? You know that guy I made out with at the freshman orientation party? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," Too-much-tongue guy? Yeah. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," And you know that girl I made out with at the freshman orientation party? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," Unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl? Yeah. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," I'm too-much-tongue guy. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," And I'm unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," Worst superheroes ever. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," Baby, I am so sorry. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," I don't think you need to be. I was at that party. It was dark, and granted, I had eaten quite a few sandwiches but I'm a hundred percent sure that unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl was Alexa Leskies, it's not Lily. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Really? Marshall: Yeah, I'm positive. And too-much-tongue guy was Colin O'Riley. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," Really? Yeah, I'm positive. And too-much-tongue guy was Colin O'Riley. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall,"Lily: Are you sure? If it wasn't, I peed in the wrong guy's shampoo, man. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," Are you sure? If it wasn't, I peed in the wrong guy's shampoo, man. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," I guess I made a mistake. Must have been Alexa. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Barney," World of Warcraft? The online role playing game? That's how you two met online? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Yeah, it's really, it's a cool game. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," I guess I made a mistake. Must have been Alexa. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," You and me? No idea. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," That was you? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Lily, we never made out. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," I know. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," So I am not too-much-tongue guy. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," No. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," Look what I've confiscated from some kids. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," That is a fat sandwich. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," I know, right? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," Chew chew chew chew, swallow. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," It's all right, honey. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," Sandwiches are strong these days. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," I can't believe I used to be able to eat a whole sandwich by myself. Now it's like two bites and I am done. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Marshall," Baby, can we grow sandwiches behind the garage? " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Lily," Dude, we're 42. " 3x05 - How I Met Everyone Else,Ted," Where's my wife? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted,"Future Kids, this is a Thanksgiving story. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Well, I just ralphed. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," How much did you guys drink last night? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Not how much? What. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," The Thankstini. A fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented. Cranberry juice, potato vodka and a bouillon cube. Tastes just like a turkey dinner. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," It's like Thanksgiving in my mouth. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," You want a good holiday drink, try his Kwanzaapolitan. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," The shuttle's here! " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," He hasn't been back home to Minnesota since Christmas. He's a little excited. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Baby, we're holding up the shuttle, do you have everything you need? Toothbrush, pajamas, underpants. Underpants. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," So, Lil, Marshall's family. Whole weekend with the future in-laws, you excited? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Yeah, no, it'll be fun. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," Lily, you just said, ""yeah, no."" " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Did I? No, I, I love Marshall's family. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted,"Robin, Oh. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," But, yeah, no, it'll be great. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," You just did it again. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Yeah, no, shut up. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," Wait, so you're not going home for Thanksgiving. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," No, I have to work on Friday. You? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," I'm Canadian, remember? We celebrate Thanksgiving in October. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Oh, right, I forgot you guys are weird. You pronounce the word out, ""oat"" " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," You guys are the world's leader in g*n violence, your healthcare system is bankrupt and your country is deeply divided on almost every important issue. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Your cops are called Mounties. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," So, probably hanging out with Barney then? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," No, Barney's got his own Thanksgiving tradition. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," Thanksgiving in a strip club, who's in? The Lusty Leopard has a surprisingly good Thanksgiving buffet. Plus, they do this thing. Heather dresses up as a pilgrim and Misty dresses up as an Indian, and they share a meal. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Oh, Barney. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," I'm sorry, Native American. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," I think I'm gonna go to a homeless shelter, serve food. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," That's awesome. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Yeah, I thought I'd just spend the day giving back, you know, doing some good. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," Canceling out Barney. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Exactly. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Where are all my underpants? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Did you check your suitcase? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Let's go. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Hello, we're home! " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Wow, I forgot how tall you guys are. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Here I am. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," You're gonna go play hockey? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," With a basketball? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," We invented it. It's the most dangerous and awesome sport in the world. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Baskiceball? Not iceketball? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," You wish. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Oh, well maybe that's just 'cause you haven't seen me play. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," I don't know honey, it's not really a sport for a girl. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Well, that's funny because your brother throws like a girl. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," This is gonna be great. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," I know. I'm so psyched we did this. Look at all these people, giving up their Thanksgiving to help their fellow man. These have got to be the best people in New York. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," Excuse me, guys. Coming through. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Barney? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," Well, hi guys. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," What are you doing here? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," Oh, just the Lord's work. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," But you're Satan. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," Guys, OK, look, I don't advertise it, but I volunteer here. I think it's important to help the less fortunate. I'm the Angelina Jolie of incredibly hot guys. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," This is a joke, right? You don't actually volunteer here. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," I'm on it. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Wait, so, this is real. Barney does this? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," That's because I was trained by the best, Kendall. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Anyway, uh, we're psyched to be here, Kendall. What do you need us to do? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted,"Robin: What? We're volunteers, we're unpaid help. Can you really ever have enough unpaid help? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," What? We're volunteers, we're unpaid help. Can you really ever have enough unpaid help? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," Come on, we just wanna help out. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," Kendall, they're cool. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," OK, well, I better get out there. There's a lot of food to give out. And a lot of smiles. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Thank you. It'll go great with my...I just love it. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Oh, I make this great frisee and endive salad with a coriander lime vinaigrette. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Seven-layer salad? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Six cups of mayonnaise? That can't be right. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Oh my God, there is some serious baskiceball going on out there. Dad totally nailed Marcus in the face with a snowball, which is a foul because you only get one snowball per possession, so I nailed him in the shin with my skate and I totally dunked it. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," You having fun? Lily: Yeah, but I kinda miss you. Could you stay in here for a little bit? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," You having fun? Yeah, but I kinda miss you. Could you stay in here for a little bit? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Yeah, yeah yeah, no problem, it's halftime. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Go. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Thanks baby. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Oh, isn't this great? Can't you see why everybody from my high school stays in this town? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Hey Marvin, you're the dorko, dorko! " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," Man, it's amazing out there. I've done so much good today, I've got like a soul boner. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," Yesterday you said the best feeling on earth was getting your toes sucked. Then you requested a high-five with your foot. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Hey, Barn? What do you say you let us sub in for you, scoop stuffing for a little bit? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," You wanna scoop stuffing your first day out? Hello, NFL, can I be quarterback this Sunday? Dude. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," OK, I finished the gummy bear layer of the salad. What's next? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Potato chips. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Baby? Uh, you know, I hadn't really thought about it at all. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Well, I just ralphed. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Yeah, I mean, I'm way too young to have a baby, right? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Oh my. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," That's a big baby, Judy. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Twins. Twins! " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," This is crazy. When did it get so hard to do charity work? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," I do charity work all the time. Remember when I said I'd find you a girlfriend. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Ha ha. Delightful. How is that little project coming along anyway? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," I'm working on it. I'm gonna introduce you to that girl you've been staring at. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," What? That's crazy, I haven't been staring at any girl... " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," Have you met Ted? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Hi, I'm the aforementioned Ted, and this is... " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted,"... gone. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Hi. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Well, I've been...nothing. I do nothing. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," Oh, um, I'm not his girlfriend. I used to be but, um, I just wasn't enough woman for Ted, emotionally or sexually. Oh my God. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," So, Amanda, what do you need us to do? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Got it. Consider it sorted. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," Hey, we're in business. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Hey, Barney's not gonna get all the glory today. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Let's start with this one. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," Yeah. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Three months! Three months? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," He's been drinking his milk. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," And she's already pregnant again. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Dad, you're embarrassing me. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Yeah, well, well, not literally because, you know, I'm keeping my name. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Well, we haven't actually decided anything yet so... " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," No, I've decided and I'm keeping my own name. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Oh, sure, in St. Cloud but our kids aren't gonna be growing up in St. Cloud. Right, baby? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Why not St. Cloud? I mean, I loved growing up St. Cloud. St. Cloud is a great place to have a childhood. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Oh, so is New York. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," What? It is. And we grew up just fine. And we grew to the proper size and then we stopped. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Hey, Amanda, what's this box for? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," In your car, um, then you'll take it... " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," People donated this food thinking it was going to feed the hungry. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," But, Marshall, you love New York. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Yes, I do. But you always said that when we had kids, you wanted to move out of Manhattan. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Yeah, to Brooklyn. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Why are we even talking about this? This is way down the road. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," I need to go to the restroom. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Lily, the restroom's the other way. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Lily. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Lily! " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," So, wait, not only have you not done any good for anyone today, you're actually helping someone steal from the homeless. You know, Ted, it's called Thanksgiving, not Thankstaking. Damn. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," Yeah, Right. Thanks. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Barney. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," Yeah, what's up? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," You have a time sheet. No one else has a time sheet. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," Yeah, so. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," All right, let me see that. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," That's my private personal business! " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Court-mandated community service. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," That's my private personal business. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," I was unfairly punished because the wall belonged to the judge's church. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," You peed on a church? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," I peed in an alley which happened to have a church which I did not see because I was drunk. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Oh, you are evil. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," Now, all's right with the world again. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," OK, fine, so a judge is making me do this but I'm still doing it, and kicking ass at it, BTW. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," When's the last time either of you did any good? Huh? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Kendall, ah, Kendall, Amanda is stealing Portobello mushrooms from homeless people. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Those are for the hungry. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Mushrooms. Mushrooms. Portobello mushrooms for everybody! Take them and run! They're very expensive! " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Happy Thanksgiving. As in check out the chick buying the knock-up test everybody, wonder what must be going through her head. Yeah, well, since you asked, a family of mayonnaise-guzzling giants is trying to suck me into their suburban nightmare. And there's a solid chance that I have an Ericksen the size of a 15-pound turkey growing inside of me. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Fantastic. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," I'm sorry I just yelled at you. You mind if I use your bathroom? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," So what do you do when you have to...? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," You can't fire a volunteer. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," Apparently you can. And his two non-mushroom-throwing friends. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," I can't believe that I told Kendall you guys were cool. I had 40 hours left on my community service and now I've got to spend it spearing trash on a freaking median strip. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," Volunteer of the year! " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," I'm sorry, I'm sorry. OK, look, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you, just tell me, I'll do it. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," Ted, I'm glad you asked. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," Surprisingly good. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," Right? I told you so. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Public urination. Who gets arrested for public urination? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Lily's been arrested. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall,"Judy: Oh dear, what for? Public urination. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Thanks, Pete. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," You all right? Lily: No. I embarrassed myself in front of your family and now I'm celebrating Thanksgiving in probably the most depressing place ever. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," You all right? No. I embarrassed myself in front of your family and now I'm celebrating Thanksgiving in probably the most depressing place ever. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Well, I'm glad that you're safe. Hey, weird question, why did you drive three miles down Route 23 and take a pee behind a convenience store? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," OK, I'll tell you but before I do, promise me that we are not gonna move to St. Cloud, Minnesota, promise. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Look, I'm not suggesting that we move here tomorrow. I'm just... " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Just promise. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Why do you want me to promise you that? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Because I don't fit in here. I'm not eight feet tall and I don't think you can call it a salad if it has Funyuns in it. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," I'm Funyuns and mayonnaise and gummy bears and baskiceball and I love St. Cloud. And yes, there is a part of me that would like to move here someday, and why are we having this discussion in a jail cell on Thanksgiving? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Pete arrested me before I could look at it. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Whoa. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Yeah. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Lily, we can't let our kids play baskiceball. Baskiceball is really dangerous. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall,"Lily: Yeah, what are the rules to that game, anyway? There are no rules, we just wail on each other. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Yeah, what are the rules to that game, anyway? There are no rules, we just wail on each other. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," Look, I don't wanna be exactly like my family, and don't take this the wrong way, but I don't wanna be exactly like your family either. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," We'll be our own family, and we'll find our own way to freak out the people our kids bring home. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Great, now I'm crying. Look, we may have some really big decisions to make in about 10 seconds but right now, I don't care where our kids grow up as long as they have you for a father. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Gosh, I hope you're the father. Just a little joke to lighten up the mood. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Marshall," What does it say? Lily: I'm afraid to look. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," What does it say? I'm afraid to look. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," Thank God. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Lily," And hey! " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," Ted. Are you listening? You're a good guy. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," You wanna know why I have to work tomorrow? My firm's designing an executive lounge for a tobacco company. In the fight against cancer, I'm on the side of cancer. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," OK, Ted, I found a way for you to help someone, to do some good. This is Walter, and Walter is homeless. And Walter would like a lap dance. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Are you joking? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," I never joke about the sublime art of burlesque entertainment. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," No, Barney, that's insane. Sir, would you like me to buy you a ticket to the buffet. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Barney," Ted, Walter's been to three shelter dinners. You know where he hasn't been? To heaven with Samantha. Look, it's the one chance you've had all day to help someone in need. Now buy this man a lap dance. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," You said you wanted to see the joy in someone's eyes. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," You know, I don't think I'm gonna watch. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Here you go, Walter. Happy Thanksgiving. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Happy Thanksgiving, guys. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Robin," Thanksgiving in November. Weird. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Uh, no thanks. You want some yams? " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," I'm Ted. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted," Still Ted. " 1x09 - Belly Full of Turkey,Ted,"Future I'm kidding. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Jen? " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"It's nice to meet you, too. " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Guess who just got four tickets to the ""Origins of Chewbacca"" Star Wars exhibit? " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"Why? " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"No, I said, ""Guess who?"" " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily," " 5x02 - Double Date,Robin,"Yeah, um, isn't it a little early in our relationship to do something that would end our relationship? " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"What? No, what are you talking about? It can be our first double date as couples! And plus, it sounds awesome! Is the original Chewbacca going to be there? " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Peter Mayhew, in the fur. Who's with me? " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Hey, do you think they'll have Wookiee to English dictionaries there? I mean, even just an everyday phrase book would be helpful. " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"We're not going to the ""Origins of Chewbacca"" exhibit,Marshall. It's inHouston this year. Everyone knows that. I just wanted to get rid of the girls. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Where are you taking me, Barney? " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Wait a second, the ""Origins of Chewbacca"" exhibit's inMontreal this year. Everyone knows that. Where are you taking me? " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"My guy in the DA's office scored us front row seats to a lethal injection. But we're still stopping for chili dogs first. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Stop the cab. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Where are you taking me? " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Barney, why are we here? " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Marshall, now that Robin and I are together, I've learned a lot about relationships by watching you and Lily. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Thanks, man. " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"You're a terrible couple. Lily has taken all the man out of you. I used to think that's just every relationship. But what I've got with Robin proves that you can have a girlfriend and fully functioning male genitalia all at the same time. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Okay, right. So, if Robin knew that you were here, she would be completely fine with it? " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Are you kidding? She'd sprint down here with a purse full of singles and a poncho for the 10:30 Jell-O show. BT-Dub, I called ahead it's lime. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"So, Jen, what do you do? " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"I'm an architect. Hopefully, one day, I can use my own humble brush on the masterpiece that isManhattan's skyline. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"I teach architecture. Get 50% off so, that's pretty sweet. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Married! " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"What is wrong with you? You're just looking. It's like fantasizing about other women. It's harmless. Wait. Don't tell me you don't fantasize about other women. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"I do! It's just not that easy. " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"False! I once fantasized about that silhouette chick you see on a truck's mudflaps. Took me less than a mile. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Not everyone is you, okay, Barney? Even when I do start to have a dirty thought like that... it seems so much like cheating on Lily, that I feel guilty. So first, I need to have a different fantasy. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"What?! How could this be?! " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"It's time, baby. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"I will never love again. " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"No,Marshall, you must. And after an appropriate number of years, you should find someone else. Someone like that busty delivery girl from that one time. And plow her like a cornfield. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"(kissing his hand and looking up and ) This one's for you Lily. (to the delivery girl, opening his shirt) Where do I sign? " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"And then watch out, because it is on! " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"That is the saddest thing I've ever heard. Dude, Lily gets you in real life She has no business in your fantasies. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"It's all I know, okay? I can't, I can't help it. " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"I accept your invitation. Marshall Eriksen, from this day forward, I will be the wingman of your mind. Now, focus on the next dancer. Put Lily completely out of your mind. " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Ted, we found a stripper who looks exactly like Lily! " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted," " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"I'm speechless, too. Everything's as perky as we've always imagined! " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Stop looking at her. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Uh, look, I got to go. Take a picture. " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Oh, I will. But first, I'm going to makeMarshall watch as I wedge Ulysses S. Grant between his wife's tatas. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"(hitting him) I'll k*ll you! " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"(hanging up his cellular) Sorry about that. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Yeah, do you wanna share the oysters? " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted," " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"That's why it's funny! " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"We've been on this exact blind date before. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that blind date went too well. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Wait, you... You dressur cats up in weird costumes. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Oh, my God. Do you realize what this means? Since our first date, we've done a complete lap of all the single people inNew York only to end up back here, with each other. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Well, you've got your cats. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Wait, I got to ask. Why did you think I was snobby? " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Main Lobster. They spelled ""Maine"" without the ""e."" Good to know we're not getting the crappy understudy lobsters, right? Tonight, the role of pound-and-a-half lobster will be played by... " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Huh. I had no idea. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"That's right-- the check. The check came and, of course, I was going to pay, but you didn't do the check dance. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"; Guys want to wave the girl off and, you know, look like a big sh*t. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"This is good. We're learning stuff. You know what we should do? We should retrace the rest of that night and figure out what else we do wrong on first dates. 'Cause let's be honest, we are scaring people off, Jen. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Great. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"I think we went to MacLaren's. " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"You will not believe who we saw tonight. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Dude, um... " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"We saw the third doppelganger! " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Hey, hey, hey, hey! (showing a girl who spits on the ground) " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Ladies, meet Stripper Lily. (showing a photo in his cellular) " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"Oh! " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Yeah, I couldn't get her face in it. But she looks just like you. " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"So you went to a strip club? " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Busted. " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"And there was a stripper who looked exactly like me? " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Okay, babe, look, before you get mad, let me... " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"Awesome! I bet the guys were going crazy. Oh, I bet they wanted to touch her so bad. But all you can do is look, unless you go into the back room, but honey, you got to pay for that. " 5x02 - Double Date,Robin,"So... Strip club. " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Marshall made me go. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"All right, so what did I do wrong next? Let me have it. I'm here to learn. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Not really. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"I'm pretty impervious to stuff like that. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"I couldn't admit I was cold. I didn't want to seem like a wimp compared to your action hero ex-boyfriend who you wouldn't stop talking about. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"I had an aunt in the Coast Guard. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"See? Why didn't you lead off with that? " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"Was there a shower on stage? Sometimes there's a shower on stage. I bet stripper me would get in there with another girl and just go bananas. " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"See,Marshall? We got to have a bros' night at a strip club and both of our ladies are totally cool with it. " 5x02 - Double Date,Robin,"I'm not cool with it. " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Because they understand that it's healthy for us to do that from time to time. " 5x02 - Double Date,Robin,"It's disgusting. " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Because it's harmless. " 5x02 - Double Date,Robin,"Did one of your whores tell you that? " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"And, Lil,Marshall shouldn't have to go to so much trouble just to have an innocent fantasy. " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"Trouble? What trouble? " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Marshall, tell her. We're all friends here. " 5x02 - Double Date,Robin,"No, we're not. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Lily, Sometimes I think about other women. Okay, it happens. But even when I do, I feel so guilty that I have to imagine you... passing away first, because even in a fantasy world, I could never cheat on you. You're... you're just my life, baby. And I love you. " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"You k*ll me off?! I mean, fantasize about other girls all you want, but could you maybe not m*rder me?! " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"m*rder?! No! I, baby-no. You develop a chronic illness! I spare no expense for your care! I even stand up a foundation in your name. We're, like, this close to a cure. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Remember? (showing the Mc Laren's bar) " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"You loved them. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Let's go in and see what they remember. And they are my best friends, so don't be surprised if they suddenly ""can't think"" of anything I do wrong. " 5x02 - Double Date,Robin,"Did he juggle? Bad puns? Mmm. Expect a standing ovation for picking up a $19 check " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"Oh, let's not forget the menu typo gold mine. Keep pannin' that river, buddy. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Well, it is a lot cheaper than buying a condom. Oh! " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Me? " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"What about Cat Woman? " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Psst! Ted! (showing a girl with his head) " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"(looking at the girl) Nice. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Wait, wait, wait, no, no, no! I remember that. I was not checking out a girl. " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"; Psst, Ted. (showing a Moustache Marshall with his head) " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Nice. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"We were checking out Moustache Marshall. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Yeah, well, it's nice to know ""past me"" wasn't a total jackass, huh? " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"You got it. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"...and there's theChryslerBuilding. And the Empire State Building. And at 12:00, a rotund couple going at it against the glass. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Good for them. Letting a guy eat pizza off your back, that's love. So, um... I know this wasn't the best " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"That was really great. Wh... What went wrong? " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Yeah. So would you maybe, um... want to go out again? " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Absolutely. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Promise. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"I have been so busy. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Jen, I sorry. Look, I know I'm seven years late with this call, but I was an idiot back then. You saw the goatee. The truth is, I had a great time tonight, and I'd love to see you again. " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"Baby... You should be able to fantasize about another woman without feeling guilty, or you know, k*ll me off. " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"All right, we got to fix this. " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"Okay, when Stripper Lily gets out here, you have my permission to fantasize about her. And since she's basically me, maybe you won't feel guilty. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Thanks, baby. I'm-I'm so lucky I have you. And stripper you. " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"Bring out Stripper Lily! " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"(to Robin) You know, I don't come here that much. " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Thank you, kindly stranger. " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"I am hot! Oh, crawl for it, stripper me.I is awesome. Baby, can I get another hundred? " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"That was a hundred? " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"Wow, she crawls fast. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Look, Jen, I wish I could go back and talk some sense into 2002 Ted, but that guy's a lost cause. He's 24. He thinks a little facial hair makes him look like John Depp. And he has no idea what a great girl he's missing out on. But I've learned a lot since then. I've learned a lot tonight. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"No, it wasn't. I had a great time tonight. And seven years ago, if you think about it, we didn't miss by that much. If a couple things had gone a little bit differently... who knows what " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Wow. " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"You are the best. My girlfriend is at a strip club with me and she couldn't care less. " 5x02 - Double Date,Robin,"I do care, Barney. Look, we're dating now, okay? That changes things. We have to have a serious talk about this. " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Just the best. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Hey. Girlfriend trouble? I wish I could help, but my unbelievably cool wife just bought us a private dance with her stripper body double. So if you need me, I'll be getting grinded like some pepper, in theChampagne room. " 5x02 - Double Date,Barney,"Just the best. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"I just remembered why I didn't call you. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"I can't believe I'm gonna screw this up again, but, um... I like finding typos in menus. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"And I know my shellfish pun is stupid but the truth... I'm not suddenly gonna stop making stupid jokes. " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Shouldn't we hold out for the person who doesn't just tolerate our little quirks, but actually kind of likes them? Even if it means finding ourselves on another blind date with each other, seven years from now? " 5x02 - Double Date,Ted,"Well... good luck out there, Jen. " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Hey, Lil. Looks like, uh, Jasmine's having a hard time getting out of those boots. " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"(smoking and looking weird) What did you say, buddy? " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,"Lily? " 5x02 - Double Date,Lily,"Who? Oh, yes... I am this Lily. We married long time. May I have monies for shopping? " 5x02 - Double Date,Marshall,(going on the stage) Lily! 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted,"Future Kids, before I met your mother, when I was still out there searching, I learned something valuable, that love is not a science. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted,"Future You see, sometimes in life, you just have to accept that certain things can't be explained. And that's kinda scary. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Oh my God. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," I know, I'm still shaking. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," What the? Haha, joke's on you, I have a cold. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," Are you guys OK? Marshall : Another round and back it up for me and Lily. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," What happened? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," We saw something, up in the apartment. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," Something bad. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," I don't know what it is, but margaritas make me sexy. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," Oh, mucho sexy. You quiero Marshall. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," Oh my God. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," What was it? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Only the craziest, meanest looking mouse you've ever seen. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," Mouse? Sweetie, that wasn't a mouse. That was a huge cockroach. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Baby, it was a mouse. It had a whiskers. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," But those things coming out of his head, those were antennae " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," Marshall ran away from a cockroach. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," It, it was a mouse. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," Oh, yeah, sorry, my bad. You're a man. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," Ooh, my story's on. Ted, pay attention. Carl, turn it up. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," I'm here with Ellen Pierce, New York's premiere matchmaker. Ellen, your company, Love Solutions boasts a 100% success rate. What's your secret? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," Love Solution's Ellen Pierce, a beacon of hope for New York city's lovelorn. Robin Scherbatsky... " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," Was that chick at the end really a client? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," Yes. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," We're signing up. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," What? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," Ted, these chicks are desperate and hot. That's a perfect cocktail. Shake well, then sleep with. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," I'm not going to a matchmaker. That's like giving up. It's the man version of getting a cat. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," No, it wasn't a cockroach. It had fur and only mammals have fur. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," It was a cockroach. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Come on, Lily, the only way that that was a cockroach was if it was wearing the skin of a mouse it just k*ll. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," Oh my God. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," Come on. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," Ted, hurry, you gotta help me. My boat is sinking. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," What? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," My boat is sinking. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," You have a boat? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Your boat is sinking. That was good. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," Come on, Ted, this is an incredible opportunity. We'll meet our soulmates, nail 'em and never call them again. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," Gosh, thanks, Ellen. I sure hope this works. I'm so done with the single life, all the games, the meaningless sex. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," That is so true, Ellen. I really think I'm ready to stop being a me and start being a we. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," It's kinda hard to talk about with Ted here, but I just want someone who's not afraid to hold me at night when the tears come. Ellen, can you help me find her? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," What? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," Oh my God, people do that. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," What's the hard way? Security roughs me up and tosses me out? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," OK, Ted, let's go. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Ah, no thanks. I don't need an algorithm to meet women. It's New York City. You know, plenty of fish in the sea. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," That can't be right. Eight? Really, eight? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Do you take credit cards? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," OK, it's back and this time we got a good look. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," Hey, seriously, you have to stop doing that. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," It's bigger now. It's been feeding. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," We were just upstairs watching TV. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Ah gosh. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," OK, let's do this. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Shh, shh, it's OK, it's over. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," So did you get a good look at it? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," Yeah. It has six legs, a hard exoskeleton like a roach... " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," But it has mouse-like characteristics. Grey-brown tufts of fur, a tail. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," So which is it, a cockroach or a mouse? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," It's a cockamouse. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," What? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," It's some sort of mutant combination of the two. It's as if a cockroach and a mouse...you know... " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," Hit the horizontal ten-legged interspecies cha-cha? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," That's impossible. That simply can't happen. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," Oh, but it can. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," And it has " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," And it's pissed. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Dude, is everything OK? You left the front door open. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," There was no time. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," So Love Solutions, did you meet the love of your life? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," She said it'd take three days. It's been five days. Should I be worried? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," Oh, just play it cool. Don't Ted out about it. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Did you just use my name as a verb? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," Oh, yeah, we do that behind your back. Ted-out: to overthink. Also see Ted-up. Ted-up: to overthink something with disastrous results. Sample sentence: Billy Tedded up when " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," OK, I get it. Don't worry, I'm not gonna ted anything up or out. I'll just give it a few more days. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Hi, Ellen. Remember me? I'm Ted. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," You said it was gonna be three days. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Hm. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Yeah. When someone says you're gonna meet the perfect woman in three days, you gotta put that in your datebook, so... " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," There are no women for me out there? I thought you said there were 8. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," But, I'm an architect. And you said I'm cute. I'm a cute architect. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Well, I'm not. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," No. You're messing with me, right? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," There's a 9.6 right there. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," What about the guy you set her up with? Is he a 9.6 compatibility rating? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," So he sucks. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Oh, sure, it's good. It's solid. But a 9.6? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," He's a whole new species. The cockamouse. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," And it's the size of a potato. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," So, what, now it's a cockapotatomouse? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Don't make it sound ridiculous. It's a cockamouse. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," My God, this is incredible. We're like the same person. Sarah O'Brien loves brunch. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," Wow, Ted, sounds like you're her perfect woman. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," And like the majestic seahorse it's hermaphroditic. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," Obviously the whole thing is shrouded in mystery. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," For as much as we know about the cockamousse, there are still so much we don't know. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," Well, we know that there's no such thing as a cockamouse. What we don't know is what you guys have been smoking. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," So you really don't believe in the cockamouse? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," Well, I believe that you saw something perfectly normal but you've exaggerated it in your mind, you know, um, like the Loch Ness Monster. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," If by 'like the Loch Ness Monster,' you mean, totally exists and is awesome, then yeah, it's like the Loch Ness monster. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," It's diet is not unlike our own, grains, cereals and it's awfully fond of cheese... " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," OK, this is getting weird, the similarities go on and on. She hates phonies. I totally hate phonies too. She's a dermatologist. I have skin. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," You wanna be her boyfriend. She already has a boyfriend. It's uncanny. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," All right, but it wouldn't hurt to check her out, right? See what my 9.6 looks like in person, as, you know, a frame of reference. And if she thinks she can do 11.45% better, who am I to deny her that? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Hi. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," I'm Architect Mosby. Sorry I just wanted to say my job too. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Hi, I'm Ted. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," I have a kind of mole on my back. It's probably nothing but I'm a cautious guy. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Sorry about that, Summer Breeze is my guilty pleasure song. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Oh, it's been stuck in my head ever since I heard it this weekend at brunch. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," It's the best, as long as I don't have to spend it with a bunch of phonies. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Hey, this may sound weird but it'll definitely sound more weird once my shirt's off so I'm gonna ask you now. Do you wanna have dinner with me Saturday night? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Friday night? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Wow, you're getting married. Congratulations. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," I'm really sorry I asked you out. If just felt like there might be this weird connection between us. How crazy am I coming off here? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Well, by some million to one sh*t, and I'm not rooting for this, you wind up not getting married this weekend, give me a call. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," I'm sure you do. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," Wow, that's a pretty sophisticated trap. You think the road runner's gonna fall for it? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," OK, we get it. You're skeptical. But Marshall and I, we're believers. We believe. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Yeah, look around. The universe is mysterious and awesome. You got the Bermuda triangle, ghosts, Big Foot. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," Bad maps. Creaky houses. Hillbilly in a gorilla suit. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Aliens. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Oh, come one, you gotta give me aliens. Stonehenge. Area 51. There's alien crap all over the place. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," You can't be serious. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," My friend, you just poked the bear. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," So, my 9.6, beautiful, charming, intelligent, engaged. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," Oh. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," Oh, Ted, I'm so sorry. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Yeah, it was a long sh*t. I told her to call me anyway if she changes her mine, but I don't know... " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," Whoa whoa whoa, let's not skip over this. Raise your hand if earlier today you hit on an engaged woman. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," Come on, Lily, don't hate the player, hate the game. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," On the night of July 2nd, 1947, conditions were clear over Roswell, New Mexico. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," Oh geez. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Oh, hey, Ted, there's a message on the machine for you. Dr. O'Brien. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," What? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," When suddenly, an array of " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," The doctor will see you now. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," What should I do? I should totally go down there, right? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," Don't interfere. Some guy is expecting to marry this woman on Saturday. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Yeah, an 8.5 guy. Look, if I was marrying the wrong person and the right person was out there and knew it, I'd want that person to come down to my dermatology office and tell me so. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," Happy ending. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Look, I have to go down there. I don't know what's gonna happen when I get there but I have to give it a sh*t. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," All right, see you later. Happy hunting. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," Wait, where are you guys going? Don't you want to stay and see the cockamouse. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Barney," Yeah, we're gonna make some crop circles. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Oh my God! " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," Holy crap. We got it! What do we do with it? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Calm down, I have a plan. I told my friend, Sudeep, about it. He wants to show it to the Columbia biology department. But it has to be alive. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," Wait, no no. They'll do lab experiments on it. That's so mean. Shouldn't we just beat it to death with a bat? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Hello again. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Go ahead, Sarah, you can tell me anything. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Anything else? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Wait, then you're still getting married. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," But we're a 9.6. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," OK, I, I went to Love Solutions and I saw on Ellen Pierce's computer that you and I are a 9.6. Your fiance's only an 8.5. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," I had to. You're my only match. Aren't you even a little curious? The woman who set you up with your fiancé thinks we're a better match. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Look, don't you think you're being a little impulsive marrying a guy you just met a few months ago? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," See, we're both impulsive. We're perfect for each other. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Calm down! You're my only match! There was a computer and there were 8 fish in the sea full of lesbians. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Didn't used to. There was math, I got confused. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," You're right. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Brace yourself, dude. This is gonna blow your mind hold. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," What? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Wait, but if it's not here, that means...Lily. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," Robin. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," What? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," Oh my God. It's real. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," Oh, is it? Do something. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Lily," What the hell was that? You trying to get it drunk? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," It was the only think I could think of. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Lily thank God. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Lily, I love you. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Robin, open the window! " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Robin," It can fly. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall,"Lily, Wow. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Marshall," Be free, mutant beast. I'll miss this private w*r of ours. I grew to admire your tenacious...Oh my God, it's headed this way. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Hi Ellen. I think I want my money back. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Come on, Ellen, I mean, a pint of ice cream isn't that a bit cliché? " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," This isn't hopeless. You're gonna find someone for me. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," I'm not gonna die alone. Look at me. I'm bright, I'm attractive. You just have to get back out there and keep looking. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," You're being ridiculous. I'm gonna be up on that wall one of these days. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Yes I will " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted,"Ellen: How do you know? I don't know, but I believe. Hell, if a cockroach and a mouse can find love in this crazy city, then, dammit, so can I. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Point is, something good is going to happen to me. Maybe your computer will help, maybe it won't, but it'll happen. " 1x07 - Matchmaker,Ted," Of course you should. And now you're gonna do it for free. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," Hello, everyone. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," So you do really? You really gonna go to work at 2am. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," I do not for me. I do it for the fans. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," Who is a fan of a program broadcast at 4am? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," Those with a show at 5am? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," The addicts who have not sold their TV? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," The strippers in this weird time between work and waking the children? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," They are. Put me know. It's been what? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," You know, as usual. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," Really, as usual.? Think the funniest thing that ever happened. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," It's good. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," And twice that. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," So a chimpanzee wearing two tuxedos? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," Something even funnier happened to Marshall today. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," First, nothing is funnier than that. Then it's not such a good story. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," Come on, guys. You are four young people active in the most exciting city in the world. And you have nothing to tell me? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," What do you want? Sometimes it's like that. The same thing over and over again. One of my students ate glue. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," I have used questionable methods to skip a very silly girl. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," My ex, Karen, is in New York. The usual routine. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," Karen is here? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," You're kidding me! " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," My God, it was a real idiot. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," Dude, the gold medal of the andouille de Vire. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," It was not that bad. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," Of course, for you. You had it turned into a zombie of andouille. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," I want to eat your brain, but only if it is organic and free range. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," What? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," You pass me the salt? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," Bluntly. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," It's... a TV. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," Bluntly. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," Bluntly. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," This makeup has one month to go. I met with parents of Lily. I have never looked so stupid. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," So far. Tells the story, tells the story! " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," Get off me! " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," Wait. It's really funny? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," I'm not kidding. I almost do not want you to hear, because really, for the rest of your life, nothing will ever be as fun and you, curse you for agreeing to hear. You gotta hear it.This is too funny. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," Okay. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," This morning I was in the gymnasium of the box to play basketball. The guys from work can be quite violent with their taunts. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," I think that the knees are made to bend like that. He may have torn his cruciate ligament. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," I can be a bit watered down dialogue, whatever... " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," I searched my bag to get my stuff working... " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," Wait. Expect. I want to say. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," Okay. Say it. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," He searched his bag to get his stuff, and... No, say it.It's more fun if you say so. Let me say it. No, say it. You say.Say it. At the same time. No, go ahead. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," I forgot... " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," He forgot his pants! " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," He forgot his pants. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," He forgot his pants. It's pretty funny. Less than a chimpanzee wearing two tuxedos. I mean, he... he forgot that he was already one? Moron, the monkey. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," So, Karen in New York. Bizarre, no? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," You can not get back with Karen. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," I never said I'd do that. I thought it arrives. That would be the worst disaster if I called? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," It is not the worst, no. That would be the fourth worst.1: Super volcano. 2: An asteroid falls to Earth. 3: Any record of Evel Knievel is lost. 4: Ted called Karen. 5: Lily is eaten by a shark. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," My name is Lily and I approve this order. You know the story. Ted and Karen had a rocky relationship in college. It always happened like this. They were having fun, being obnoxious until one day... " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," You find pepperoni fascist and you're so right, so... Oh, my God! Karen! " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," After that, they broke. Ted was totally depressed, and we waited the necessary time to tell him what we thought of it. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," I broke up with Karen. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," They hated it! " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," Bye bye, the slut! " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," Then Ted went up the noggin and took the bus to Providence to tell Karen's four truths. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," How was it? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," Super. Look who's here! " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily,"Marshall and Karen. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," And finally, all over again from scratch. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," It's gonna be 10,002 Maniacs, because I have tickets to Natalie Merchant... " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," She came to see you in college and when you had my back turned, she brought the guys in your room? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," Respect. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," I was an idiot. It was my first real girlfriend. I was crazy about her. We've all done things we regret in college. In the third year, Marshall has grown the goatee, wearing a beret and Rasta required to be called MJ Cool. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," I regret it at all. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," So you really think that I should not call? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," No. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," Go back in your little head it. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," OK, OK. Interesting information: it is already done. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," Are you kidding! " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," The pants! " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," I can not believe that thou hast called. Why do not you invite him to lunch as you're at it? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," Because I will not invite him to lunch... again. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," You have to lunch? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," Why do you want to lunch with an ex? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," Good question, there are four reasons for a ""meal ex '.1: They want to get back together. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," As my high school boyfriend, Scooter. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," The Lilium, not stupid. Sorry, I have no scooter for you. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," It is this server? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," 2: They want to k*ll you. As my lunch with Wendy. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," But you did not do it, you've continued to insist. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," g*n! She's got a g*n! " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," 3: They make you really want your business. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," As my lunch with Curt. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," My short-barreled 38 Special Police! I knew that I had left it somewhere. Every time I watch the news, I pray it is not my g*n. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," Or four: You taunt with their success. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," As my lunch with Nicole Barsamian. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," Who is Nicole Barsamian? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," My ex. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," Hi, Nicole. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," You look pretty. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," Already? Who? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," You must cancel the luncheon. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," I'd do that, of course... if he had not already occurred. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," Robin, I will have to borrow the butt of your g*n. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," I still lost. You come to believe? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," How can you break bread with this chick? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," It was a lunch and not eat wheat. It was nice to be back.We even laughed at the idiots we were. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," Say I had a picture of Moliere on my backpack. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," Bluntly pretentious. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," I hate change, but take us brushettes and fresh mozzarella. Grazie. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," It was great. There was an odd moment near the end. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," How to say goodbye in these situations? A kiss on the cheek, too familiar. A handshake, too formal. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," And a hug is like a hug in public. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," You must embrace strangely. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," What has happened? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," So... " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," Ted, darling. Go outside and bite the curb. I arrive in 1 minute. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," Karen was the first girl I really loved. And after the year I had, I dunno, I think of lunch with her reminded me what it was to turn 18 and life ahead. And I would remind everyone that at least I was wearing pants. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," You can not change the subject like that. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," The pants. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," The pants! The pants! " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," It was nothing! I had a small problem, so I called Lily. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," Tell us, what was this concern? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," I forgot my pants. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," What do you mean you forgot your pants? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," I forgot. You have a bringest me. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," And the spare. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," Last Thursday, the mustard? You have a goldfish memory. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," Ted, you're not going out so easily. While the history of pants is fun... " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," Fun? Rather, very fun. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," That's nothing compared to this crazy thing with Karen.Ends. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," That's all. It was just a kiss in a restaurant. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," Why do you say ""the restaurant""? You've embraced elsewhere? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," As in a tree? No, it was not done in a tree. What is his problem? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," You did what? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," How could you? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," Marshall forgot his pants today, and yet you are the stupidest in this table. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," Lily, let's be honest. We know both your motives. You hate Karen because she lingered. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," assh*le. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," What do you mean by linger? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," February 5,... In 1998. I painted... " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," Ted Horn, critique my painting, anything, that's your business. But I catch you eyeing the mess of my guy and you lingered? You'll be received well. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," The game is the game " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," In his defense, I had just the muscle. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," Why paint naked? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," He had eaten my fruit bowl. The fact is that Karen is a dirty pervert, you can not bring into our lives. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," Relax, it was just one night! And three after. And one morning. But at least I had pants. Even if, in fact, I had not. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," It happened to us? Where was I? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," You know the sleeping pills you take for your crazy schedule? They are stronger than you think. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," Do not worry. I will say nothing to Marshall. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," Ted, that's for sure, it's fun to look back when you were a farm girl fresh complexion and a virgin. But all that stuff... Ohio, Karen, in college... it was A.S. ""Before Stinson."" Now your life is great! Okay, you still live with your ex, which is ridiculous. Laser tag your skills are almost nonexistent. And your wardrobe, it's like, what, you're allergic to fabric quality?Seriously, pull yourself together. What are we talking? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," What is the result with the bimbo? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," It's a foregone conclusion. Ted is Charlie Brown trying to sh**t and Karen, it's Lucy who takes away the ball at the last second and sleeping with. You have understood me.Ted falls in love, and Karen is going wrong with a playboy, who says... ""Sorry, dude."" " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," False! You got to let the right answer in your pants, because that's exactly what did not happen. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," Sorry, dude. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," That was me. Me. The one time Marshall forgot his pants? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," Damn! Stop changing the subject. You have gone too far. You are complicit in breaking the heart of this poor guy.And you, you are best placed to know how it feels. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," You really do speak of your pants? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," What? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," Pant, pant... " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," Okay! Lily came to the office to bring me my pants... " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," Why she did this? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," Because I forgot. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," Lily, what are you doing here? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," I just give something to Marshall. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," He ""give"" something. Understood. Nice. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," But I'm in a hurry. I can give it to you? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," Of course, yes. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," And you give him? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," Wait. I do not know. Yours had better be really good. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," What are you talking? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," What about you? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," Marshall forgot his pants, so I brought him one. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," He forgot his pants. Good thing you came because today it has an important meeting, and it would be embarrassing and not at all funny if it were to show no pants. I will make sure he has. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," Awesome. Thank you. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," And you did not give him. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," Theodore Evelyn Mosby. Of course I gave him. I gave him my word. It is concrete. For cons, I made a few alterations. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," As you can see on page 44 of the contract... " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," You can look at page 44 of the contract? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," Please, can I have more... pants? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," More... " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," Is that all? It's the story? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," What has happened to Karen? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," I'll finish for you. Ted left without saying anything, and Karen got exactly what she wanted. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," Not this time. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," You have a boyfriend? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," You're unbelievable. You do not have the guts to break up with someone decent. So, you've preferred to ride it all. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," We're both zero for that. But... I think we need to change.Why do not I would start? You are really hurtful and reckless.Goodbye. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," Sorry, dude. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Robin," I am impressed. For you too have worn it all day? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Marshall," It shows my calves. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Barney," The pants. Still tells. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," You know, this is perhaps good that you called Karen. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," Of course. And that for me, too. Later, she spoke with Jerry, and the discussion was that it avoided breaking with me. " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Lily," Wait a minute. You said that you never reparlerais him?So how do you know she has followed your advice? " "4x16 - Sorry, Bro",Ted," Right. On this subject... After breaking up with this guy, we went out, we slept since we're together. It's really okay, this time it's different. Here it is. Be nice! " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Unfinished. Of all the words you could use to describe La Sagrada Familia... Brown, pointy, weird... The one that really seems to stick is ""unfinished."" Why? Because on June 7, 1926, the architect Antoni Gaudi... Whose beard was also brown, pointy, weird and unfinished......was run over by a bus. And so, his greatest masterpiece would remain forever... " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Ted, look across the bar. Three chicksone hot, one kind of hot and one who I'm assuming is really funny. We ride! What's wrong? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"I don't know. Got a burger coming. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"Bro, I told you, if you ever need a wingman, I'm your guy. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Yeah, I'm not going to go through that again. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Hi. Barney Stinson. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"And I'm Marshall, Barney's wingman. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Thank you for your time. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Fine. I'll have a three-way with hot and kind of hot while Giggles works the camera. I ride! " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"So, get thisLast night, I was watching TV, and it turns out, some random satellite channel picks up a certain local Chicago newscast. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Oh, man, it's bad enough to have to go through a horrible breakup, but then have that person pop up on your TV? Are you okay? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Well, I'll admit, at first, I felt a little weird. But after the initial shock, I realized somethingI've moved on. Finished with that. It was a peaceful moment of closure. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"That's great. Good for you. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Yeah, thank you. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Where's the poop, Robin? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Excuse me? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"When I was a kid, I had a dog named Bean. Whenever he made the face that you're making right now, you just knew he pooped somewhere in the house. Where's the poop, Robin? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,":I don't know what you're talking about. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Where's the poop, Robin? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,":There's no poop. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Where's the poop? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,":Okay. So it wasn't entirely a peaceful moment of closure. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Hey, Don, here's some breaking newsthere's a zit breaking ou on your forehead. Finished with that. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Look, I'm not proud, but Don left so quickly that I never got the chance to have that final showdown. So yelling at him, even on TV, felt kind of good. And you know what? Now I truly am over him. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"That's great. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Thank you. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Good for you. Where's the poop, Robin? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Damn it! Okay, in the process of truly getting over him, I may have called him and left an... indelicate voice mail. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"I am gonna k*ll you. I'm gonna fly to Chicago, k*ll you, put your stupid face on a deep dish pizza and eat it. And then maybe catch a Bears game. But mostly the k*ll and eating your face thing. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Give me your phone. We're deleting Don's number. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Don't worry. I am never doing that again. It was a one-time thing. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Prove it. Delete contact. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"There. Deleted. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"Back already. How was flying solo? And by ""solo,"" I mean so low that you got sh*t down. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Look, I didn't get sh*t down. Trust me, I'll get the yes. Barney Stinson always gets the yes. This is all part of the plan. After initial contact, I'm now in the ignoring phase. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Barney, why can't you just take a girl out to dinner like a normal person? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Golden ruleI do not buy dinner to get the yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity. It requires a level of connection and eye contact that sex just doesn't. Call me old-fashioned, but I need to have sex with a girl at least three times before I'll even consider having dinner with her. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"What are you doing here? Oh, God! You're dating one of my students. It's Rachel, isn't it? Barney, I know she wears provocative sweaters, but she's 19! Now I'm gonna have to hear all about it, right? Go on, tell me every detail. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"No, you pent-up old perv. I brought you a present. Recognize this? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"It's my building. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Do you remember how awesome it was to be co-workers... Nay, bro-workers? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Wait a minute. Y-You don't mean... " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Ted Mosby, it's back on. We're gonna build your building. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"This is awesome... You're designing our new headquarters. Now, there will be voices that tell you a hockey rink on the roof is unfeasible. You've got to shut those voices out. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Actually, I think I'm gonna say no. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"No? Are you kidding me? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"But designing a building in New York City is your lifelong dream. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"I do not want to work for GNB again. Those guys are evil. No offense, Marshall. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"Dude, none taken. Yes, GNB is, the Empire from Star Wars. But the Death Star's gonna get built either way. And don't you think the architect of the Death Star is pretty psyched to have that thing on his space resume? I mean, yes, his design was flawed in the sense that a single b*llet fired into a particular vent would explode the whole thing. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"For all we know, that was the contractor's fault. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"But that won't happen on your watch... you know why? Because you're Ted Mosby! And you are gonna design the most beautiful, ventless, Rebel-proof building in Manhattan, with clearly marked emergency stops for every trash compactor on the detention level. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Look, I know this is hard to understand, but right now, I have a quiet, simple, happy little life. And I like it that way. I know what my answer has to be. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"I can't take the job, Barney. I'm done with that life. No hard feelings? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Of course not. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"All right. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"I'm telling you, no architect would ever design a giant exposed vent right over a Death Star's core reactor. That's Space Architecture 101. It had to be the contractor. Barney, back me up. Barney. Dude, this is important. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"I need another drink. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Marshall, you want anything? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"No, I'm fine. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Okay, I get that he's mad at me for turning down the job, but acting like I'm not even here? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"Wait, you turned down the job? When? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"This morning. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"That's so weird. Just, like, an hour ago, when we were leaving work... " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"So, you still think Ted's gonna take the job? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Please. I'll get the yes. Barney Stinson always gets the yes. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Am I wrong or is that exactly what Barney says when he's putting the moves on a girl? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"Exactly. I mean, it's almost like he's putting the moves on you. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Yeah, more like the opposite. He's been ignoring me all night. Barney wants me to take the job so bad he's putting the moves on me? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"I hope that's his end game. Actually, I don't. I like you two together. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"I don't buy it. That's crazy, even for Barney. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"Okay, well, think about it. We've seen his moves countless times. What does he do after he's done ignoring a girl? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Chrissy, I love your glasses. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"They totally pull focus up from that whole chin situation you got going on. To Chrissy. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"The backhanded compliment to lower her self-esteem... a proven winner. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"But Barney hasn't done... " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Ted, I admire your loyalty. You've had that hairstyle forever. You don't care that it's out of fashion or that it's been co-opted by the lesbian community. You stick with it. To Ted. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Hey, Lily! " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Don't ""Hey, Lily"" me. I smelled poop all the way from the hallway. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Oh, no, not this again. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Where's the poop, Robin? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Okay, I left Don another message. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"""This just in"" is what I'm gonna say when I'm s*ab you. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"But that's impossible. You deleted his number. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"I tried to. But then this thing popped up on my phone that said, ""Are you sure?"" And I wasn't sure. I can't lie to my phone. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,":Oh, sweetie, I totally understand. Delete it! " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"It's not that easy, okay? You're not just deleting a number, you're deleting a part of your life. You know, all those memories, all those experiences. It's like you're admitting they're gone forever. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"I know, sweetie. I know. Delete it! " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Okay, if it's that easy, I'm gonna delete one of your numbers from your phone, see how you like it. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"My ""plezh."" If you can find a number in there that I don't call regularly, I'll gladly delete it. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Super Kicks Karate. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"No, not that one. That's my dojo. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"You have a dojo? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"I took an introductory karate class. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Ops, wrong room. Where do the grown-ups go for the real karate class? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Of you? Please. I'm a kindergarten teacher. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"But I'm totally gonna sign up for more lessons. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"How long ago did you take that class? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"I don't know. It was around the time when everyone was going, ""Wassuuuuuuup!"" " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"How do you even remember that? Lily, this is a number that you will never dial again. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"I might. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"No, no. But you keep it in your phone because it reminds you of a version of yourself that you could be, even if it's a version of yourself that you'll never become. And that's okay. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"No, it's not. Okay, you know what? There, gone. Your move, Scherbatsky. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"I finally know what your kind goes through. I get it now. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"For the last time, I don't care how big it was, it is not the same as giving birth. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"No! Barney's been ""putting the moves"" on Ted. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Oh, that sucks. Although I like you two together. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"No, he's been doing it to try to get Ted to design the new GNB Tower. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Which moves are we talking about? Did he do the thing where he brags on himself in the form of a complaint? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Man, every time I take out my business card and women see the GNB logo, they throw themselves at me. I miss the chase. It sucks! (...) Man, the courtside Knicks seats that are available to all upper level GNB employees are too close to the action. I keep getting sweat on my suit. It sucks! (...) Man, GNB's benefits package is so comprehensive it gives me the freedom to see any doctor I want. It sucks! " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"He did. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"And the intense eye contact thing? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"So, Ted, would you like to split some jalapeno poppers? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Okay. Yep. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"And the thing where he establishs intimacy through physical contact? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"You know why jalapeno poppers are so good? It's the cream cheese. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"That is so true. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Yeah... Cream cheese has a mild flav-flavor so it... it balances out the spiciness of the jal... the spiciness of the... Dude! " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"So at any point in this did you say, ""Barney, I know what you're doing, and it's not going to work. I am not taking that job""? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Well, I mean, not exactly in those... " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"You're loving this. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"No. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"You are. You're loving the attention. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"It's nice to be wanted, okay? And, yes, this is a new vest. Thank you all for noticing. Oh, that's right, you didn't. Barney did! " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Oh, Teddy, you are so going to spread your legs and design that building. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"I am not that kind of architect. So get this... " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Robin never deleted Don's number. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Oh, everyone thinks it's so easy. Give me your phone. Let's delete one of yours. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"Okay. No problem. If you can find a number that I don't need or shouldn't have in here, be my guest, but good luck. I keep my phone tight. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Edwin. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"Oh, no, not that one. That's the booker for the club that my band plays at. You know, my all-lawyer funk band... you remember... The Funk, the Whole Funk and Nothing but the Funk. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"You guys played one gig four years ago. I'm deleting it. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"No, no, we're gonna... we're gonna play another gig again. Probably really soon. It's just we all got super busy, and... We're not going to play another gig again, are we? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Probably not, baby. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"See, it's hard to hit that delete button, isn't it? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"Well, it's just that without that number in my phone, I'm just a corporate lawyer working 60 very un-funky hours a week. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Sorry, Marshall. But if I have to, you have to. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Okay. Your turn. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Barney, I gotta tell you something. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Oh, that reminds me. I got you a little airplane. It represents the spirit of adventure. Do you like it, Ted? Do you? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Stop it. Stop looking at me like I'm the only person in the world who matters. I'm not designing the GNB Tower. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Yeah, I know. You turned it down. We hired someone else. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Can you believe it? He's resorting to the oldest move in the book. The classic, ""pretend to take the offer off the table so I'll want it more."" It's so obvious, right? As if that's going to make me be like, ""Oh, God, I never should have said no."" " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"It's not a move, dude. I executed the paperwork for the new architect this morning. Barney wasn't lying. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Oh, God, I never should have said no! Come on, GNB didn't really hire a new architect. This is just one of Barney's moves. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"It's not a move, dude. The senior partners were getting impatient. I thought you didn't even want the job. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"I didn't! I don't! I don't. I don't! " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Okay, I'll do it! " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"What? Ted, it's too late. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"I'll design it for half of what you're paying the other architect. And you know I will do stuff they would never do. Lobby stuff. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Wow, half? Ted, on behalf of Goliath National Bank... " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"Okay, it's a move. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"What? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Dude! " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"There is no other architect. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I lied. I was being Barney's wingman, and I never get to be the wingman. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"You guys lied to me? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"You're the world's worst wingman. You know what? I'm out of here. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"I can do better. Take me back. You son of a bitch! " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Look, I can't do business with people who lie to me. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"We only lied to you to make you realize that you want this job. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"No, I don't. I mean, I know I said I did, but that's only because I fell for the same creepy, pickup artist voodoo of yours that countless women... " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"236. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,":...before me fell for. Wow, respect. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"No... Ted... you want to do this, okay? You're just scared of getting hurt again. But you can't let fear steal your funk. That is good. There is a song in there. Excuse me. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Come on, Ted! This is your dream. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"No, it's not. Not anymore. And you know what? Letting go of that dream was the best decision I ever made. You guys actually think I have some lingering itch to be an architect? Work 20 hours a day and weekends? To get ulcers and pull my hair out and worry and doubt myself and then at the end of it all, have the rug pulled out from under me? I love being a professor, okay? All that stupid crap they tell you about how fulfilling teaching is? It's all true. I'm happy, and I'm not letting go of that. My answer's no. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Hey, guys. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Where's the poop, Robin? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"How do you do that? You are like a b*mb-sniffing dog, except with poop. You are a poop-sniffing dog. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Marshall,"I think that's just called a dog. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Where's the poop, Robin? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Fine. I called Don again. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Hey, Don! It's Robin again. Look, I am sorry for all the calls. It's just, I saw you on the news, and it made me a little crazy for a minute. I guess I wasn't as over our breakup as I thought. But I want to say, from the bottom of my heart, I am going to k*ll you. No... No, I'm not. I am happy for you. And that Asian slut on your Facebook page. She's dead, too. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"I thought you deleted his number. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"I did, but it turns out, I memorized it. You can't delete contacts from your brain, Lily. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Well, you have to try. If you ever want to have closure... " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"I am never going to have closure. Okay? Closure doesn't exist. Okay, one day, Don and I are moving in together, and the next thing I know, he's on a plane to Chicago. It just... ended. And no matter how much I try to forget that it happened, it will have never not happened. Don and I will always be a loose end. We'll always be... " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Unfinished. Gaudi, to his credit, never gave up on his dream, but that's not usually how it goes. I mean, usually, it isn't a speeding bus that keeps the brown, pointy, weird church from getting built. Most of the time, it's just too difficult or too expensive, or too scary. It's only once you've stopped that you realize how hard it is to start again. So you force yourself not to want it. But it's always there. And until you finish it, it will always be... " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Hey, Barney. Hey, Rachel. Rachel, why aren't you in class? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Barney,"Yeah, Ted. Why aren't you in class? You son of a bitch. I'll call Marshall. We'll draw up the contract. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Ted,"Not so fast. I'm not that easy. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Who is this? " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"I'm sorry. Is this 917-456... I'm sorry, 465... No, wait. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Robin,"Sorry. Wrong number. Finished with that. " 6x03 - Unfinished,Lily,"Hey, punk! Bit of advice. Next time you step on a kindergarten teacher's neck, you better finish the job. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"I cannot stop staring at that girl's face. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"Face. Huh. That's your weirdest nickname for boobs yet. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"No, Ted, I'm really looking at her face. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"Aw... That's actually really sweet. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Puffy cheeks, smudged mascara, slightly red nose... That girl was just crying. She's so sad and defenseless. Anyone have a condom? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"That's it! You know what? Five-minute time-out! Corner booth! Now. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"I don't know, it could be cool. I've never seen Woody Allen. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"I have seen plenty of other famous people. Last week I saw... Maury Povich. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"Dude, everyone sees Maury Povich. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"I am, too, a real New Yorker. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"That's adorable. You're from Canada. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"I have been here for almost six years. It's not like I just got off a boat. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"A boat! Oh, wait, that is how you say it. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"I'd say you're not a real New Yorker until you've stolen a cab from someone who needs it more than you do. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"No, you're not a real New Yorker till you've cried on the subway and not given a damn what anyone thinks. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"No, you're not a real New Yorker until you've k*ll a cockroach with your bare hands. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Those rules are all stupid, okay? I've never done any of those things. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Okay, time's up. What are we talking about? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"Woody Allen is eating at Gregor's, and Robin thinks that we should go see him. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Why would I do that? I'll see him at poker on Tuesday. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Oh, come on, if we jump in a cab, we'll be there in 15 minutes. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"A real New Yorker would know the subway's faster. You just take the one, and transfer to the two-three. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"Well, the bus runs more often on weekends. Take the M-7 to the M-5. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"The bus? Every time I take the bus, there is one crazy person no one wants to sit near. That's why I have never taken the bus. Plus... I can run faster than a bus. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"Dude, that's, like, seven miles. You can't do that. You can't beat the bus! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"I can beat a bus or a cab or a train! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Is anyone else suddenly craving green eggs and ham? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"Machines are overrated, and someone needs to take them down a peg. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"You're all wrong... I got a way to get there so fast, I could beat all of you, even if I sat down and ordered a big, juicy steak first. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"How? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Medium rare. But that's not important right now. Look, I know the city better than any of you guys, okay? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"Oh, my God! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Oh, wow! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"All right, all right, hold on, hold on! Let's just forget about it. Who cares? I mean, there's no way to find out who's right anyway. First person there wins! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney," ( " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Hi. Can I see a menu, please? No rush. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"It's gonna be positive. Eriksen man are hella fertile. When Uncle Morris was 16, he got his girlfriend pregnant just by holding her hand too tight in the backseat of a car. Now I'm thinking my parents lied to me. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"Negative. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"Negative? Well, we know it's not me. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"Everything's fine. These things take time. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"Not with an Eriksen. Something must be wrong with you. Also, my mom hates you. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"You know what? Just to make sure, I'm gonna pee on this again. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"What? No, you wouldn't. Somebody help me! Somebody help me! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"I'll show them. My body can outrun any motorized vehicle. I'm like John Henry when he beat the steam engine. All I need is a great folk song. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"Suck it, grand-butt! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Ooh, taxi! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"Track maintenance? 20-minute delay? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"I grew up here, I speak conductor. Damn it! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"Grademyteacher.net? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"It's this awesome site where students can go say what they really think about their professors. Hey, you're probably on there. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"Here's a fun fact. See the Alberta Building over there? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"That's the gray one. Did you know that in 18... " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Hey! Come on! Elizabeth! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Excuse me, I've got a thing. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Gregor's Steakhouse, downtown. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Downtown hospital, please. It's right by Gregor's Steakhouse. Take the FDR, and maybe crank up some smooth jazz. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Oh, no. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Hi. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Hi, Becky. My, you're perky. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Oh... " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Keep it. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Ranjit, take me to Gregor's. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"Hey, Christine. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"Woman " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"Well, you're in luck. See that gothic church over there? Those corinthian columns were designed by Giuseppe Pegatto in 1896. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Hey, Ranjit, pull over. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Hey, toots! How about a ride? Oh. Hey, Robin, it's you. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"See that over there? That's the old Arcadian Hotel. Fun fact... While today its neoclassical fenestration is considered to be... ( " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"So, is this ride your way of apologizing for this morning? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"I'm sorry. I never apologize. And why would I? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Are you kidding me? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Hey, Barney, can I talk to you? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Sure. Stand a little more this way. I'm scouting some talent. Pretend we're talking about something important. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Oh, well, this... This is something important. Um, I'm having a... A really rough time at work. You know, the whole Becky thing... " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Oh, you know what? That's just getting distracting. Um, say ""carrots and peas"". Carrots and peas. Guys, I can't stop staring at that girl's face. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"What, you really had something to talk about? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Yes. Look, I've spent the last,six years in this city, focusing on my career, all for nothing. Some lady almost got me k*ll. Maury Povich stole my cab. I swear, this city is starting to reject me like a bad organ transplant. You know, everyone keeps saying that I'm not a real New Yorker. Well, maybe I should just stop trying. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Robin, I had no idea. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"No, it's my fault for thinking that you might care. Ranjit, stop the car. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"No, don't stop the car. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Seriously, stop the car. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Look, you... Wait, wait... Robin, hold on. If you want to talk, I'm right here. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Carrots and peas. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Don't... You... " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"Uses a hybrid steel tube structure... " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"Whoa! This is crazy. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"I can't believe it. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"Okay, this is clearly a sign. Let's just call it a tie. Forget about the race. Head back to the bar. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Oh, God. Oh, bite me! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Faster. Mush! Mush! I need this win. I need this win. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"And firing half my department freed up the money to double my own salary. And this chick from Boston was wicked hot in bed last night, and I'm getting more muscular, even though I've stopped working out, and I've got this amazing poker group. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"And I smell incredible. Smell me. Just, seriously, smell me. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Stop! Too slow. Switch. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Lily " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"Lily " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"Sweetie? Are you okay? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"No. I am done with this city. It wins. I just want to move somewhere new and start over. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"You've had a rough year. But you're tough. And I love you like crazy. If you left, I'd have to follow you. And Marshall would follow me. And Ted would follow him. The only upside is that we might get rid of Barney. Bring it in. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"What did he say? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"No clue. Hey, is that Maury Povich? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Hey! Lily. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"Sorry, sweetie. I swear I'll be a great friend at the finish line, but the conductor just said you're going express to Borough Hall, which means you're screwed, sweetie. So long, sucker " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"Ted " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"And not a single passenger would listen to me. I mean, am I a bad teacher? Do I just put people to sleep? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"The machines have won! he machines have won. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"I can't do it. I can't run that far. I can't outrace anything. I... I can't... I can't get my wife pregnant! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"Wait. Is that what this whole stupid running thing has been about? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"My body has been letting me down, and I just wanted to prove that it could still do something, but it can't. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"Dude, you've been trying for two months, not two years. That's nothing. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"Well, you should talk. You know, you're the one who's freaking out because you have one mediocre review and, like, 50 great ones. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"64. But whatever. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"And you're designing a frickin' building. I mean, come on, dude. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"Marshall! Marshall, get in! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"There it is. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Where are Marshall and lily? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Who cares? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"I won? I won! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"No! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"I can't believe I won! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"How did that even happen? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"Okay, he's in. Go. Go. g*n it. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"Run him over. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"No. Lily, what the hell is the matter with you? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"Nothing. I just want to win this really badly. So badly that I just ditched my best friend when she needed me. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"Oh, baby, you were also going to run over Ted. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"Why did I get so crazy about this? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"Maybe for the same reason that I kept saying that I could run seven miles. I... I'm trying to be really, um, confident and positive about all this, but, baby, I'm really scared that we're not pregnant yet. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"Oh, thank God. I keep thinking there's something wrong with me. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"I keep thinking there's something wrong with me. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"It's only been two months. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"We are crazy. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"We're totally crazy. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"This is the last time it's ever going to be just the two of us. Shouldn't we be enjoying that? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"We gotta go back to Paris. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"And take ballroom dancing. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"And really learn how to ski. Not just up and get faced in the lodge. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"And see Coney Island. I've still never been. See, we have a whole bucket list of things to do before we start having kids. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"Oh, a cradle list. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"I'm... So glad we're trying, and I'm going to be really excited for when it happens, but this isn't a race. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Lily,"It isn't a race. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Marshall,"Ranjit, screw Gregor's. Let's go to Coney Island. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"I won! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"No! " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"So I said, ""the cab, of course"" " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"I know what you did back there. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Yeah. Check it. I just drove a pedicab 26 blocks, and I still smell incredible. Smell me. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Ted,"I'm not gonna... Not gonna... " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Barney,"Smell me. " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Wait a minute. So, where is Woody Allen? " 6x04 - Subway Wars,Robin,"Damn it, Max. That's Maury Povich. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"I think I'm in love with you. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"What?! " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Spider! Spider! " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"I left something in the hallway. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Where? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Right there. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Got it. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Whoa, still alive. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Oh, you don't want to kiss me, you'll get sick. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Totally worth it. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"All right, it's getting to be that time. I'll talk to you tomorrow? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Good night. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Good night. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Wait, Ted? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Yeah? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Good night. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Well, great, I'll see you then. Bye, sweetie. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"That's awesome. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take off work Friday. We're gonna take her to the Empire State Building. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Really? You'd do that? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Of course. Everyone should see the Empire State Building. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Ted. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Yeah? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Falafel. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Falafel? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Falafel. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Instead of telling Ted you love him, you said ""falafel""? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"I totally choked. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"I just don't get it. Why can't you tell Ted you love him? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Oh, come on, this is a big deal for me. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Oh, God, you'd think you never said it to a guy before. No. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Okay, well, I don't usually getthis far in the relationship. I usually take the three-week exit. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Don't tell me you're actually buying into Barney's freeway theory. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"Watch your steps when you get up, kids, 'cause I am about to drop some knowledge. Relationships are like a freeway. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"Wait a minute, a month ago you told me relationships are like a traveling circus. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"No, this is new. This trumps that. Freeways have exits. So do relationships. The first exit, my personal favorite, is six hours in. You meet, you talk, you have sex, you exit when she's in the shower. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"So every girl you have sex with feels the immediate need to shower? Actually, yeah, I get that. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"The next exits are four days, three weeks, seven months--that's when you guys are gonna break up, mark your calendars. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"What? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"Then a year and a half, 18 years, and the last exit-- death. Which, if you've been with the same woman for your entire life, it's like, ""Are we there yet?"" " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"So I've never been on the freeway this long before. I mean, usually by now I find out the guy has some weird personality thing that makes me want to take the next exit. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Yeah, been there. I once dated a guy who could only go to the bathroom when classical music was playing. Okay, it was Marshall. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"It's just things are going so well with Ted I just don't want to complicate it. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Relax, it'll happen when it happens. Which is also the advice I gave Marshall to get him over the classical music thing. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Oh, here comes Katie. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Aw, your sister's so cute. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Yeah. This reminds me of when I used to see her coming up the driveway from school, with her little pigtails and her Hello Kitty backpack. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Hello, Kitty. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Oh, no. No. No. No. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Oh, good. Good. So, who is this... tongue person? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Oh, you said that. Great. So how long have you two been...? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"That's cool. This is my friend Lily. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"You say things! Well, come on, let's get you back to my place, we'll get you settled. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Uh, no, you're not. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"What? Oh. Oh... " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"I can't believe my baby sister is planning to lose her virginity to a......douche with a faux hawk. This can't happen. You guys have to help me talk her out of it. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"Speech to talk a girl out of having sex. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Yeah, I don't have any of those. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Please? I'm her older sister. I'm supposed to teach her how to make good and responsible decisions. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"It's 2:00 and you've already had three scotch and sodas. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"That's why I need your help. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"You guys are lucky you came here with an architect. Empire State Building fun " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"You know, Katie, I have wanted to come to the Empire State Building for so long, but I waited to come here with someone special. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Marshall and I have never been to the Empire State Building either. But I'm so glad I waited to do something so important with my fiancee. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"Speaking of waiting, I signed an abstinence pledge in high school. It's totally cool to wait. And stay away from drugs... other than pot. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Oh, okay, yes, I told them. But only because I think you should hear it from other grownups, too. Everyone thinks you should wait. Right, guys? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney," " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"See? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Well, how do you know that? You left your diary in your old room slash my new room. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"I'll pay you $10,000 for that diary. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Oh. La, la, la, la, la.La, la, la, la, la, la, la,la, la, la, la, la. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"Even Kyle gets to do that. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"But Kyle? Why can't you just wait? Because if you wait, you can get a nice guy like Ted. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"You smoke now, too? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Oh, remember cloves? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"No! " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"No ""Aw, remember cloves?"" This can't happen. She's my baby sister, okay? She should be watching The Little Mermaid and drinking Yoohoo, and not having sex. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Come on, you were only 16 when you had sex. I was 17. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"We were 18. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Barney was probably 12. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"Good one, Ted. I was, uh, six... fourt... How old were you again? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"17. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"Dude, me, too. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Barney, you okay? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"Yeah, of course. What, you don't believe me? - It was at camp, so I'm... " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"What camp? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"This place in the Catskills. Look it up. I was there teaching for the summer. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"What did you teach? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"Uh, dance. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Dance? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"Yeah, Ted, dance. Maybe you've heard of it. It was just a simple summer job, but it turned into so much more. Her name was Frances Houseman, but everyone called her Baby. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"Sylvia " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"How you call your loverboy? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"And if he doesn't answer " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"And if he still doesn't answer? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"That's Dirty Dancing. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"It was on last night. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"No, it was two nights ago. ""She's Like the Wind"" has been stuck in my brain for about 40 hours. I just got it out. Now it's back in. Damn you, Swayze! " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Do you remember our first time? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"Yeah. It was back in college. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Oh, wait, wait. Look... I really want to do this, but... we should make it special, you know? Do this right. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"Okay. You're right. Maybe we could go to the beach and get a house for the weekend. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Yeah, New Year's Eve. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"Okay. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Oh, and we'll light candles and maybe put on some classical music. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"That's not a good idea. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Why not? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"Long story. But maybe we could put on some Al Green and take a bubble bath together. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Oh, yeah, that sounds so good. Oh, I love you, Marshall. I'm so glad we're waiting. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Oh, that's adorable. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Yeah, tell her what happened next. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"That was amazing. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Yeah. Want to do it again? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"We said we were sorry. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Yeah, well, then why'd you do it again? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"You know what, I loaned you my Walkman. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"The point is no matter what, it's never gonna be as perfect as you want it to be. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Well, mine was terrible. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Wait, I've never heard your story. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Well, as you know, I was 16. And it was with my boyfriend Brian. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Yeah. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Oh, I know. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Oh, Brian. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"I'm so sorry. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Eh, I should've known. There were signs. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"What?! Oh, my God! " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"You only get one sh*t at losing your virginity. And even though I just barely had sex, it counts. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"What do you mean just barely? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Well, he didn't dive all the way into the pool, but he... splashed around in the shallow end. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily," " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Yes, it does. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"No, it doesn't. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"Yes, it does. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"No, it doesn't. It doesn't count. End of story. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"Ooh, why, Lily Aldrin, you saucy little harlot. Could it be that before Marshall took a swim, someone else tested the water? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"No. Nobody else tested the water, right? Scooter? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"Who's Scooter? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"My high school boyfriend, who I did not have sex with. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"I... I can't believe this. We're Marshall and Lily, when people see us, they say, ""Oh, look at them, they've only had sex with each other."" " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"No, Marshall, they say, " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"But now that's not true anymore, now you've had sex with twice as many people as I have. I knew that you were too good at it. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"It's not stupid. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Katie, please. You only get to lose your virginity once. You should only be having sex with someone who's special. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"It's not a hundred guys. It's not a hundred guys. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"I had different levels of feeling for each of the... very reasonable number of guys. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"I, um... " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Okay, Empire State Building fun fact number 22The Empire State Building has tons of places where people can have private conversations. ( goes away with Robin) You're off the hook, okay? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Just let me explain. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"You don't have to explain anything. You don't have to say it-- it's fine. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Okay, but if relationships are like a freeway, then saying... ""hm hm hm"" is like... getting into the carpool lane. And I don't want to take an exit, but... at the same time, I'm not ready to get into the carpool lane. Because what's in the carpool lane? Oh, it's a big diamond, and I'm just not ready to get... " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Okay, Robin, Robin, stop. It's no big deal, you don't have to say it. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"It's just, it's a big thing to say to someone, and I don't want to say it too soon. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"What, you mean like I did? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"No. I didn't... Yeah, like you did. I mean, you have to admit it, Ted, it was a little weird. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Weird... or courageous? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Pretty sure weird. I mean, who gives it up on the first date? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Well, come on, it shows I'm brave and bold, like a knight. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"No, it shows that you're an I-love-you slut. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Well, then you're an I-love-you prude. You know what? I take mine back. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"You... What? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"I take my ""I love you"" back. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"You can't take it back. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Nah. Just did. Got it right here. But, you know, I'm such a slut. I'm just gonna give it away. Hey, you, sir. I love you. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Marshall, why is this such a big deal? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"Why is this such a big deal? Oh, uh, sorry, Christopher Columbus, guess who actually discovered the New World. Some dude named Scooter. Oh, uh, Neil Armstrong, it actually goes like this""One small step for man, one giant leap for Scooter."" Whoa, hey, Adam, guess who got with Eve before you did... " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Okay, Marshall, I get it. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"It's a big deal because it rewrites our history. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"No, it doesn't. Look, have you been to the Empire State Building? No. You've only been in the lobby. People don't buy tickets to get in the lobby. They buy tickets to get to the top. Scooter only got in the lobby, and the lobby doesn't count. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"Really. Excuse me, sir, uh, can you tell me how to get to the Empire State Building? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"Thank you, sir. You're a very wise and brilliant man. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Katie, I'll admit, maybe I'm not in any place to lecture you on romantic relationships, but... but I just don't want you to make the same mistakes that I've made. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"That's not what I meant. I just wish you weren't in such a rush to grow up. Please don't do this. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Hey. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Hey. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"She didn't do it. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Hey, that's great! You got through to her. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"No, I didn't. You did. She told me that you talked to her. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Hey, Katie. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"No. I wouldn't bore you with the seven million man-hours it took to build this 102-story testament to human will. So, you okay? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"That's very gallant. Well, I don't know what your sister's freaking out about, either. - I was your age my first time. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Yeah, yeah. It was, uh, it was with this girl, Molly. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Oh, I love you, too, Molly. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Look, I got to go. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"My cousin got some firecrackers from Mexico. We're going out to the woods to light 'em-- it's gonna be awesome. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Yeah. Yeah, I'll totally call you. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Can I borrow 20 bucks? I'll totally pay you back. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"And I never saw her again. I told her I loved her, but... I just wanted to have sex. I-I would've said anything to make that happen, and... that's exactly what I did. Look, I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just telling you what all 17-year-old boys are like. Even the nice ones. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Oh, oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. Aw, honey. I promise everything is gonna be okay. You want to watch The Little Mermaid and drink some YooHoo? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Don't tell Mom. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Thanks for doing that. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"You're welcome. I knew it meant a lot to you. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"But, man, your story, I mean, it doesn't even sound like you. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Yeah, well... " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"I love you, Molly. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Wow. That was amazing. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Wh-Where are you going? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Will you call me? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Yeah? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"But she didn't. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Oh, come here. I love you. I said it. Feels right. I love you. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"I'm gay. I'm kidding. I love you, too. Hey... you lost your I-love-you-ginity. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Robin,"Yeah. I guess I was just waiting for the right guy. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"I am so glad we're finally doing this. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"What are you talking about? We were here yesterday. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"Yeah, but that didn't really count. Oh, crap. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Exactly! So yesterday doesn't count as having gone to the Empire State Building. So I lost it to you, Marshall. And I rode that elevator to the top, and I saw that view, and I basked in the awesomeness. And that's our story. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"Yeah. Yeah, that's our story. We've only had sex with each other. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"We've only had sex with each other. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"They've only had sex with each other. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Ooh, okay, in, in we go, in we go. Okay, Empire State Building fun fact number 81There are 1,860 steps from this... " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"So, now you guys can finally say you've been to the Empire State Building. How have you lived here so long and never been to the top? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"Well, we're usually busy... drinking. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Lily,"Speaking of first times, we never got to hear your virginity story. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"That's right, I almost forgot. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"Okay. I was 16, and it was in a baseball dugout... " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"Fast Times at Ridgemont High. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"I mean, I was in a subway with a high-priced call girl... " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Risky Business. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"I was accidentally hacking into NORAD'S computer... " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"That's w*r Games, and there's not even a sex scene in it. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"All right! I was 23, and it was with my mom's 45-year-old divorced friend, Rhonda. She called me ""Barry"" the whole time, and for two weeks, my comforter smelled like menthol cigarettes. You happy? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Marshall,"Hey... Why don't you tell us again about your first time at the camp in the Catskills. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"Baby and her family spent every summer at Kellerman's. Her dad did not approve of our love. " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Ted,"Did anyone put Baby in a corner? " 2x12 - First Time in New York,Barney,"Oh, God, no. What can I say, I... had... the time of my life. True story." 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Wow. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," Nice shirt! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Right? Right? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Look at those colors! Green and brown together at last! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," Hot top, Bro, is it new? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," That's the crazy part. I've had this shirt for, like, six years... Until this morning I wasn't into it at all, but now it's like my tastes have changed. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," Booger. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Yes, hello, Barney. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," Barney's offering me fifty bucks to say some stupid word on a live news report. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," Not some stupid word, ""Booger"". " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," But I'm not doing it, I am a journalist. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," What? Journalist? You do the little fluff pieces at the end of the news. Old people, babies, monkeys... that's not journalism, that's just things in a diaper. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," For your information, my boss is about to bump me up to the City Hall beat. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," City hall, Miss Thang! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," So I'm not going to jeopardize my promotion by saying ""Booger"" for fifty bucks. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," Of course not, because now you're saying ""Nipple"" and it's a hundred! Step into my web. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Mmm... Who's bourbon is this? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Ooh, I don't know. It was here when we sat down. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Aaah, point is. I seem to like bourbon now. I could have sworn I hated bourbon. First the shirt, now bourbon. I spent twenty-seven years making up my mind about things, right? The movie I saw once in Haden, the city I'll never go back to because it was raining the day I visited. Maybe it's time to start forming some second impressions... " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," You're finally gonna watch ""Goonies AGAIN? Slow love, Chuck"". " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Not Goonies, girls. What if there's someone from my past, who I thought was wrong for me at the time, but in fact she, like my shirt, is actually a perfect fit? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," Hold up, there are only two reasons to date a girl you've already dated. Breast, Implants. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," That's not a bad idea. Let's think, Ted's greatest hits... what about that girl, Steph? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Steph... " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Wow, okay... how many did you make? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Say what you will about the p*rn industry... they are hard workers. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," What about that chick...um...Jackie? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," And my bathing suit had fallen completely off. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Uh...no. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," What about Natalie! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted,"Marshall and Natalie! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," Who's Natalie? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Man, I haven't seen her in like three years! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," Well why'd you guys break up? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," I just wasn't looking for a big commitment at the time, of course now a big commitment doesn't seem so bad... maybe I should call her? What do you guys think? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," You dumped a p*rn star? Friendship over FRIENDSHIP OVER! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," You wanted to see me, Mr. Adams? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," City Hall? Oh, my god. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," So, next time you're passing City Hall, make sure and stop by New York's oldest hotdog cart. Today a delicious hotdog will cost you $2.50, but back when the stand first opened in 1955, you could get one for only a nipple. Reporting live, Robin Scherbatsky, Metro News One. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," I said, ""Nipple"" on the news! That was so unprofessional! I said, ""Nipple"" on the news! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," At least it's better than booger. Booger. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," There she is. Hey is it cold in here, because I can kind of see Robin's nickels? Now for your next challenge... " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," No, there is not going to be another challenge, I don't care how much you offer me. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," Oh, search your soul, Robin. You and I both know this wasn't about the money. Sure, Metro News One pays you jack and hey, a little green salad on the side's good for you, me and Mr. McGee. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Seriously, who talks like that? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," Well baby really likes, is the thrill of pulling one over on those bean counters, who under appreciate you and still haven't promoted you. And for two more hundy-sticks, baby's going to look in the camera and say this " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Eew. I'm just assuming. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," I gotta get back to work. See ya. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Bye. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," Baby's going to think about it. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Found it! I found Natalie's number. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Hey, Ted. Nice shirt! Is it yesterday already? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Thank you. I am calling her; this is crazy I haven't talked to her in, like, three years. I wonder if she even remembers me. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Natalie, its Ted Mosby. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," She remembers me. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Why would Natalie hang up on you? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," I don't know! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," Did you sleep with her sister? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," No. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," Sleep with her mom? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," No. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," I'm losing interest in your story. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Well, you must have done something. Why did you guys break up? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," He wasn't ready for a commitment. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Uh-huh. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," And her birthday might have been coming up. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Uh-huh... " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Okay, so I didn't wanna get a boyfriend level gift for a girl I was just about to break up with. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," So you dumped her right before her birthday? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," No, I didn't dump her... right before her birthday. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," Uh-oh. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Natalie! Hey, Happy Birthday! Listen... " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Never...break...up...with...a...girl...on...her...birthday! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," LILY WAIT, THE SHIRT! I KNOW, IT WAS A MISTAKE! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Well, did she cry her eyes out? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," I don't know. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," How do you n...Oh, you didn't! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Natalie! Hey, Happy Birthday! Listen... you're awesome. You really are... awesome. I'm just like super busy right now, so... maybe we should just... call it a day. But you're awesome. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," On...her...answering...machine!? And...on...her... birthday? Oh... who... breaks... up... with... somebody... on... their... answering... machine... on... their... birthday?! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," Yeah, dude, email! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Not exactly the point I was trying to make, Marshall. That is a terrible way to break up with someone. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," Okay, in my client's defense. Is there an unterrible way to break up with somebody? No. Personally I'd rather hear the bad news on an answering machine than face the humiliation in person. It's the least painful way you can do it. Who are you calling? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Hi, Marshall, it's Lily. We're not going have sex for at least a month. But you're awesome. Okay bye-bye. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," Know, that was a big mistake, Ted. You should've done it in person. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Thank you. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," Desperate ""Please-don't-leave-me"" sex is amazing. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Okay, it was childish and stupid, I just...I didn't want to see her cry. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Well guess what? She cried! You just didn't have the sack to face those tears. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," That was me then, okay? This is the new old shirt-wearing, sack-having Ted. I'm gonna make this right. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," You know what else? My younger sister just got married and I'm about to turn thirty-sex. Fantastic. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," An occasion that was supposed to be joyous suddenly turned tragic when Ethel and Sadie Marsolis, New York's oldest twins, suddenly passed away on this, the eve of their one hundredth birthday. I'm a dirty, dirty girl . Ow. Reporting live, Robin Scherbatsky, Metro News One. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," Before you say anything, I just want to say, I really like working here at Metro News One. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," What? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," Take him to the vet? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," Was that all? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," And nothing about the twins' story? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Hi. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Natalie. Come on, I just want to say I'm sorry. I only came down here because you wouldn't take my call. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Good one. Okay, fine. I'm just going to leave this sock monkey here Goodbye. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Natalie... I. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," OKAY, okay... I... look, look. I know you're mad. Happy Birthday Three years ago. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," No, look... I was an idiot for leaving that message. I realize how much that sucked. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Maybe we should just, call it a day? But you're awesome. Okay, bye. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," There was a surprise party that night? How come nobody told me? People think I can't keep a secret but I totally can! Sorry, not the issue... Look, Natalie, I was just a stupid kid back then, terrified of commitment. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Well, yeah, actually . I'm a different guy now. Give me another chance. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Come on... Just a cup of coffee. Please Natalie. Give the guy a chance. Self respect is over-rated! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Thanks. I did just start subscribing to esquire. They have some helpful columns. The following, is from the October issue. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Krav Maga, how cool is it that she does Krav Maga? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Hmm... " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," Dude, what's Krav Maga? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," I have no idea. Some kind of yoga? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," You know, that Natalie... she's good times. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," Yeah, she's like the best girl you've dated in years. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Yeah, Ted, hold on to that one. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Yeah, I have to break up with her. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," I don't get it, man, Natalie is awesome. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," I know, she's terrific, but I have to break up with her. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Why... couldn't... you... leave... that... poor... girl... alone? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," I know! I hate this. These past three weeks have been great. I should be in love with her, but I'm not feeling that thing. It's ineffable. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," Ineffable... good word. So when are you going to do it? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," She's probably on the subway by now. You could call her Voice Mail. Beep, dumped. Click. Done! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," I have to do this face-to-face. I just... I don't know what I'm going to say! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," ""I'm not ready for a commitment."" " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Oh, that's such a cliché. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," It's not a cliché, it's a classic. It's the stairway to heaven of breakup lines. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Well, I think Natalie deserves better. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," Better. There's no better in breaking up. There's only less awful. A cliché's a cliché for a reason. It's comforting. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," It doesn't matter, I already told her I am ready for a commitment, so... oh, my god... there's no way out... I'm going to have to marry her. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," No, no. We're going to get you out of this. Okay, how about... ""It's not you it's me""? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," Mm... Mm! Six words! You... look... fat... in... those... jeans..., you're free to go. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Ted, have you considered telling her the truth? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," Seriously, honey, men are working, here. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Ted, what is the truth? Why do you want to break up with her? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," The truth? She's not the one. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," So, tell her that. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," Oh, you can't tell her that. That's horrible. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Why? What is so horrible about that? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Yeah, what is so horrible about that?...""She's not the one."" Why is that such a heart-breaking thing to hear? The chances of one person being another person's ""The one"" are like six billion to one. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Yeah, you have better chances of winning the lottery. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Exactly, you wouldn't take it personally if you lost the lottery. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," Alright, man, tell her the truth. She's goanna cry. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Yeah, and he's going to sit there and he's going to take it like a man. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," I have to do the mature thing. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," Want to talk mature? I just wrapped up a live newscast by honking my own boobs. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," And great TV was had by all. Alright Scherbatsky, new challenge. And this one's big. But so, is the cash reward. For one thousand dollars, you heard me, all you have to do is get up there on the news and do one of these... " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," What the hell is that? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," And as you do it, you say this, ""Elbert Ickey Woods. The bangles were fools to cut you in '91. Your 1521 rushing yards and your 27 touch downs will not be forgotten. So Coach Dave Shullah, screw you and your crappy steakhouse."" " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," Just write it down for me. What do I care, it's not like anyone's watching anyway, right? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Man, she's gonna cry. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Slow loves junk " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Thanks, Lil. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Look, uh, Natalie there's something I have to say. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Today is your birthday? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Today's your birthday! I... I didn't get you anything. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," You're welcome. Oh, so much more wine. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," Henry, as New York's oldest handsome cab driver, you've seen quite a lot. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," In your past sixteen years on the job what is your most exciting memory? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," Ahh! This is it. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Oh, boy, here we go. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," Everyone, everyone... If I may direct your attention to the television. You're about to see something... amazing. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," Come on, baby... bring it home. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," What? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," It's an honor to tell your story, Henry. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," You know, Metro News One may not be number one in viewer ship. But this reporter takes pride in... Whoa!! OH! Oh, my god! I'm covered in horse crap! It's in my hair!! Oh my, ow... ow my knee. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," You planned that? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," No, Marshall. That was beyond my wildest dreams " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Look, Natalie, there's something I have to say and there's no good way to say it. I wanna break up. I don't think you're the one for me. I don't want to waste your time because I really like you. I wanna do right by you, and I think the best way to do that is just to be honest. I'm sorry. Just let it out. They're only tears. Aah! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," I'm sorry. I just thought the mature thing to do would be... " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Yes, I know I didn't realize that it was... " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," It's really not such a big deal. I mean it's the odds. It's like you lost the lottery. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," No, no, no. I didn't mean that. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," It's... I can't explain it. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," It's... ineffable. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," No, no, no, no. Ineffable, ineffable means it can't be explained. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Oh, god what's going on? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," No, it's... it's not like that. I'm just... it's, it's, it's. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," I'm just like super busy right now. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," But isn't it nice to know that people are watching? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," Oh, my god. Are you alright? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," What happened to you? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," Told the truth, turns out the truth has a mean round house kick. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Marshall," Oh, man. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Oh, well you did the right thing. I'm proud of you. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," I'm bleeding internally. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," Hey, Ted, you know what always picks me up when I'm down? Other people's misfortune. You missed something so amazing. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," Please can we please have one person in this whole bar who didn't see it? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Barney," Fine. " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Lily," Are you okay? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," I really thought I was going the good way this time. I guess there is no good way. Sometimes no matter how hard you try to do the right thing, you just end up flat on your back flailing around in a big pile of horse crap! " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Robin," You saw it? " 1x04 - Return of the Shirt,Ted," It's going against the internet now! It's okay, grow up. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," You believe not what happened last night laser tag. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," People freaked out because of a calibrated in suits who bothered their children? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," Yeah, almost. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," Go! You want that! " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," Come on. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," Shit. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," I know, I'm not your precious rules, McCracken, but, damn, the results are there! " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," You forget what it's there. Your fat ass is stuck here for too long. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," My pleasure. Do not do that. This game is all I have.And I nearly enough tickets for the remote controlled helicopter. Pity. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," You regret it. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," I can not believe you're kicked out of laser tag. Are you gonna do? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," What shall I do? I'll tell you that Ted and I will do. We will introduce and apply the PQ everywhere. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," Barney, you're too old to put toilet paper because you can play laser tag more. And by the way, too old for laser tag. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," Ted, laser tag has no age limit. As the striptease in the West Midlle. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," Yeah, whatever. I added laser tag to the list of Murtaugh. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," No list of Murtaugh. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," What is the Murtaugh list? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall,"... two, one, chug! " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," It's hard to admit, but with age, we can do certain things.This is why I have this list, not to make the mistake of thinking that I can still make a sleepless night. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," I'm too old for this stuff. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," Or eat a whole pizza in one sitting. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," I'm too old for this stuff. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," Or put posters on the wall without a frame. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," ""Riggs. ""I'm too old for this stuff. In fact, it's Lethal w*apon? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," I know. It looks pumped. An old cop associated with a young and rebellious. It reminds you of anything? Mackleroy and LaFleur. Do not tell me you have never seen Mackleroy and LaFleur. This is the best action movie of all time Canadian. Mackleroy is a young Mountie whose horse is k*ll by evil Americans, and LaFleur, his old partner grumpy and Afro-Canadian, just buy a nice fishing shack in northern Alberta... " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," I gotta go. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," Hi, baby. Good workout. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," What? It's still one-man band? Because it was crap. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," My God! Orange wedges. That's nice. What are you doing here? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," I could not resist. I wanted to see Marshmallow coach at work. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," The children, who wants to stop earlier and eat orange slices? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," Yeah? No way! Oranges, it's for the winners, and you little shits, you have not yet put one basket! Shame on you, shame on you Miss Aldrin, and worse, necks make me ashamed! Enough! su1c1de, on the line! And make it snappy!Here we go. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," There's nothing on this list for which you're too old. In fact, if you did everything on the Murtaugh list, I would call it a nice weekend. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," Barney, you have more 18 years. If you did the whole list, you would die. It was not a challenge. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," Challenge accepted. The next 24 hours, I will do everything on the list. And after that, you go to the PQ laser tag with me. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," And if you fail? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," I'll spend three hours listening to you talk about architecture. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," It works for me. Robin, you do the honors? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," An agreement of honor! " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," Come on guys, you do it! " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," Are you sure you want to do that? You know how it is. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," There's some pretty hefty on the list. Finally, do you really think Barney is going to get ear pierced? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," ""To pierce the ear. ""Done. Well, I go to a laundry at my mother. Do you mind if I use your futon? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," There is no futon. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," Put it there, guys. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," What's the matter? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," It's on the list. ""Landing on the futon with a friend rather than going to the hotel. "" " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," I'm too old for this stuff. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," You got anything in your ear? It looks like the inside of a pumpkin after Halloween. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," What, this? Just a quick foul '. Just a kid like me has to worry about. Then, ""pushing a medical"" on the list. Hold on. Bar here... " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," It is not stop! You know, it's funny, I came to teach them... Do not stop running! All this time, it is they who have taught me things. you not being there! You fall! " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," Done. ""Drinking shots with strangers. ""Done. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," OK, Barney? You seem to have a bad back. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," No, it's just the raver's hump. I like it. It brings me closer to my glass. A youth! You should have a straw? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," There's a side admirable in its way to remain young.Who wants to be old? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," This guy. Life is a meal and old age, the dessert. I get so many worries about the future. Where will my career? Who will I marry? When you're old, you do not worry, because all this has happened before. You got pumps and a comfortable seat for the stairs. That's perfect. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," It's not perfect, it's pathetic. You can not skip to the end.The best thing is the journey. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," I thought that, too, you'll understand when you grow older. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," Marshall, you can avoid the attack today? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," I will not attack, Lily. I attack this pervasive culture of failure. I have to toughen them if you want to win the match tomorrow. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," Winning? There are no points. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," What? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," There are no points. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," You not count... What interest not to do? How do you know... Lily, what were you doing with the team before I arrive? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," I was training. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," That's my little angels. You are luminous beings of light. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," Gender: joy joy! " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," Because that's the point of playing, having fun. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," The point of playing is to win the trophy. And if you do not know who wins, wins the trophy? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," Everyone. This is a participation trophy, everyone has one. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," Everything that's Chinese to me. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," Hi, this is Barney. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," And Robin. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," We can not answer because... " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," He watches football and I'm... " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," Part shopping. Leave a message, you are reminded... " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin,"... soon... " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney,"... we... " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney,"Robin and ... can! " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," ""Making an autoresponder message to two annoying.""Done. It will probably cost me a few appointments, but it's okay. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," Your ear begins to feel. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," It's good. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," I hate to refuse, but you told me that the turkey was extremely thin, and see for yourself. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," Okay. It's good. You have your own list. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," What? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," A list of things that you are too young. Do all these things and tell me if you still want to be old. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," Removes ""colonoscopy"" and ""sleeping with an old"", and is a cinch. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," New bet, then. If you can finish your list before me, we will cover the laser PQ and you pay toilet paper.Biodegradable and not this crap. I want up there forever. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," Well, if I finished first, it's six hours of study of American architecture from the early 20th, and you can not ever do something in the list of Murtaugh. This is for your own good. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," Bet held. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," An agreement of honor! " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," Marshall, they were in kindergarten. It teaches not basketball like that. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," Sure. I learned that way. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," Are you kidding? What kind of sociopath told you like that? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," Come on, Dad. I'm tired. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," I'm trying. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," With my father, no mercy and I did not ask. I really need to call this guy. Continue stretching! " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," ""Put on reading glasses. ""Done. ""Yelled the boy from the neighborhood. ""With pleasure. What happened to you? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," I just had a little ""screw up my knee and it hurts"" incident. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," How did you do? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," It... ""Helped to move the sixth floor walk against pizza and beer."" " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," Or you helped steal the sixth floor. They were in a hurry and left the pictures. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," 16 pm! Supper time. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," Your father was hard on you. It's ugly, but you do not have to be like him. You can learn from mistakes. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," Errors? Lily, result. The guy was successful. He taught me to be a winner. This is what I teach these kids. And besides, this is what I will do with our children. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," OK, enough. This is not how we will raise our children!And that's not how you gonna lead this team! In tomorrow's game, if you're anything but a teddy bear with the cotton candy and rainbows, I foudroierai gaze so hard that you bruise! The times I've found your internet history, it was a mere side! Is that clear? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," There are different... " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," Is that clear? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," Yes, ma'am. What is ironic is that... " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," Ted Calls. I want to go. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," Okay. I call it. But it is 4:30 am. It will not be awakened. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," Got up at 4am... Done. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," It answers? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," I have not called yet. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," Hurry up, Robin. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," Okay. ""Take time to answer the phone. "" " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," Come on, Ted. I was given aspirin and I do not think it was. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," Done. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," I know I was a little hard on you, the last two days.And I apologize. Today, we will not think of victory. We'll go there and... have fun. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," Let them score easily. Now you're sitting. Great.Addison is not football. Do not sh**t! Unless you find it funny, in this case, have fun though. It was not a foul, referee? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," No tone, Kenny. Good job. Thank you very much.See you later. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," As a manager, I threw in the towel. This bet is over.Your ear looks like a Danish pastry in a French breakfast. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," No, he remains a. ""The beer funnel. "" " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," It happens. I found these weird Russian beers, in the basement. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Robin," The Russian beer? I will take a bierofski. Bierofski. Got it? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," Yes, it's... a little hot. I hope this is not a problem. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," No, no. Okay. You won, I hate it. I hate it. My back is k*ll me. At the rave, I was mistaken for a cop. I have an earache so I can hear... I hear my own ear. Think about it. My clothes... What... Take that! I have redeemed you your best costume for twice its price. This is... $ 30. And throw the shoes. You won, Ted. I will not make anything of the Murtaugh list. I'm too old for this stuff. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," You know, yesterday I went to bed at 20h because it was on the list and I could not sleep... because it was 20h. So I watched Lethal w*apon. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted," I still could not sleep, so I watched Lethal w*apon 2. And then 3. And in the middle of Lethal w*apon 4, I realized... " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Ted,"... that Murtaugh kept repeating: ""I'm too old for this stuff,"" but every time he says, he changes his mind, made another movie, and stuff. What I'm trying to say is that... the toilet, age.Will cover the PQ laser tag. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," And then the hospital. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," Good job, guys. At least, there are no points, eh? No idea of the score. It could be 53-0. It could be something else.It's 53-0. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," You do not do anything wrong. It's great that you lost, because in life, no matter the effort you make, or how much you try, people give you things. Since graduation, jobs, promotions. No matter what you do on the ground, as... As you're having fun. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," Do not look at me like that. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," I take it anymore! Your coaching is crazy! " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," Stop yelling at me! " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," I'm sorry. But is what I can do it my way? " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," OK, but I'll do it my way too. With the guitar. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," There is a werewolf on the ground! It can not be legit. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," They look different, the children, but make sure they feel surrounded. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," It was not a market, right? You're k*ll me! You k*ll me outright! " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," I beg you to put me in one. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," I understand that you like it not. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," I love it. I worked hard. It's nice to be appreciated at its true value. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," I know, baby. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Marshall," Your way is perhaps not completely stupid. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Lily," Thank you. Yours is. " 4x19 - Murtaugh,Barney," Really? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"What advice do you have for a budding anthropologist? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Yep. When I grow up, I want to go live with the gorillas, just like you did. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,":...and if economic sanctions and trade restrictions aren't enforced, the destruction of the rainforests will continue and over a million species will be wiped out. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"So you don't want coffee. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"I'm saying that the coffee industry is causing irreversible... " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"All right. I'm pouring it out. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Okay, one cup. The kid needs to be alert. First day on the job and everything. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"I still can't believe you're going all corporate on us. ""The kid"" has become ""the man."" " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Okay, it's just an internship to make a little money. After law school, I'm going to work for the NRDC. They're gonna stop global warming. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"Here's your sack lunch. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Okay, I love you because, one, you made me a sack lunch and two, you laugh every time you say the word ""sack"". " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"I love you, Marshmallow. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"I love you. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"I love you too, Marshmallow. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Uh-oh. Ted? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Oh, no. No, she didn't. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Yeah. Yeah, she did. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Another care package? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"How many is that so far? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Three. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"And how many have you sent her? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"In the mail or in my mind? Zero. She's up three-zip. Oh! Cupcakes! Great. I bet they're delicious, too. Yup, they're delicious. Damn it! I don't deserve these delicious cupcakes. God, I hate myself right now. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"God, that is so me at 15. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Go for Barney. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"A sasquatch? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Yes! Look at you. You suited in an unmistakably upward direction. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Whoa. That is a butt-load of motivational posters. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Yeah, hell, yeah. I got 'em allTeamwork, Courage, Awesomeness... " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"There's one for awesomeness? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Yeah, I had it made. Sit. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Hey, so, now that I'm working here, are you finally going to tell me exactly what your job is? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Please. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Hey, Blauman, Bilson, this is Marshall. These guys are in legal. You're gonna be working with them. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Marshall Eriksen. Nice to meet you. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Where, I don't, I don't see... " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Marshall? Sidebar. Your tie is steak sauce. It means A-1. A-1? Get it? Try to keep up. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"I don't have a back door. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Right. Well, uh... I'm engaged, so-- " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"We're still engaged, even if she's... " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Sure you don't want one? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"How many of those have you eaten? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Four. Teen. No, just four. And the icing from two more. So, anyway, here's the problem. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Hey, it's Ted. I guess you're asleep. Anyway, I got the care package, and it's just great. Here, listen... Mmm. Mmm! " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"So I'm standing there, my mouth full of this delicious relationship-winning cupcake... And... I said something dumb. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Oh, and, um... don't worry, yours is in the mail. I sent it a couple days ago. And it's awesome. Really, really awesome. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Why did I say that? I think frosting makes me lie. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"Oh, Teddy boy. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Yeah. So now, whatever I send her, she'll know I sent it after I talked to her. So that's the problem. You work on that. I'm gonna eat this cupcake. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"All right, here's what you doPut together a care package of stuff from New York-- some H&H bagels, an Empire State Building keychain... and then, top off the package with a New York Times... Ready? From three days ago. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"That's brilliant. You're brilliant. You know, it's funny, not so long ago, I was coming to Marshall and Lily for advice on how to impress you. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"That is funny. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"Okay, fine, I have feelings for him. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Now it's ironic, the girl I used to like is helping me impress the girl I now like. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"The irony is clear, Ted. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"Hey! How was your first day? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"I don't wanna talk about it. The guys I work with are a bunch of jerks. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"What? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"They're jerks! " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"What makes them jerks? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Forget it, I don't want to talk about it. Well, like today at lunch.. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"For your information, my fiancee did. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"No. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Nothing. Give it. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Give it. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Give it back. Hey, give it. Gimme... Give it! " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"Oh, screw those guys! We're adorable. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"I know. God. It's like freshman year all over again. Only this time, my sweet dance moves aren't going to be enough to win them over. Not even Old Reliable. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"Sweetie... It would be cool to have some extra money, but, but, if you're unhappy, it's not worth it. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"I quit. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"What? No. We're having so much fun. You, me, working together. It's great. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"We're not even working together, Barney. I'm in the legal department and you're... Seriously, what is it that you do? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Please. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"I'm sorry, dude, this corporate thing, it's just... it's not for me. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Oh, of course it's not for you. It's for Lily. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"What? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Marshall. Lily's a catch. But do you really think you're going to hang onto a girl that great without the package? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"The package? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"The package. The house. The car. Sending your kids to a great school. A vacation once in a while. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Lily doesn't care about that stuff. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Well, no-- now she doesn't, but how's she going to feel in a couple years, when she's supporting you on a kindergarten teacher's salary while you're off in court defending some... endangered... South American... flying beaver. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"She'll be happy. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Okay. But will you be happy knowing you could have made her a lot happier. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"I guess, uh... Bea Arthur. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"So, did she get the awesome care package yet? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Yep. Yesterday. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"Did she love it? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Ooh, she loved it. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"So what's the problem? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted," S " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"What did you have for lunch today? Oh. Rye bread. Yeah. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"Oh, Teddy boy. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"I'm usually so good at being a boyfriend, but this never-seeing-each-other thing, it's a bitch. Maybe it just can't be do. I think it's clear what I have to do. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"It's pretty clear. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"I have to go to Germany and surprise her. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"Totally what I was thinking. Get out of my head, man! " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Barney, how do I get these idiots to leave me alone? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Marshall, consider the penguins. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"The penguins? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"On the wall. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"""Conformity. It's the one who's different that gets left out in the cold."" This is a motivational poster? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Look at yourself, Marshall. You're not happy. And you know why? Because you're different. Now, I suppose you could learn to love yourself for the unique little snowflake that you are, or... you could change your entire personality, which is just so much easier. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"Change your personality? That is so awful, and not at all motivational. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Not necessarily. Okay, at first, I was appalled, but then I realized it's just like Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vasquez in Life Among the Gorillas. I have to gain the acceptance of the herd by behaving exactly like one of them. It's an anthropological study. Isn't that cool? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"It sounds kinda like peer pressure. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"No, no, no. It's totally anthropological and it's cool and I'm doing it. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's peer pressure. We have an assembly every year. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"I'm portraying someone who succumbs to peer pressure. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"All right, but if those guys try to pressure you to smoke, what do you say? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Only when I'm drunk. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"Good boy. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Okay, I'm psyched about this. But if I'm going to mentor you, I need to know you're psyched about this, too. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Oh, I am. I'm, I'm psyched. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Yeah, but it's one thing to say it, it's another thing to show it. Show it. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"I'm psyched! " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"What was that? Marshall, I should feel tremors of psychitude rock my body like a seizure. That was like a declawed pregnant cat on a porch swing idly swatting at a fly on a lazy Sunday afternoon. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Wow, that was really specific. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Show me you're psyched! Let's do this! Ow! That hurt! " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"So badly. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"And then you slip it to the guy with a discreet handshake and he'll get it done. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Right. Get what done? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Whatever. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Cool. And what guy is this? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"There's always a guy. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Okay, all right, I, uh, I think I'm ready. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"You sure? You want to practice your story one more time? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"All right. So dude, check it. I'm in San Diego with two of my bro-sephs from Kappa, and they're all, ""Yo, Eriksen, let's roll to the strip clubs."" So I'm, like, ""Snapadoo!"" So we find this choice nudie nest near the airport......and that is when the bouncer kicked us out. Now, I have no idea if Svetlana ever got her green card, but dudes, fake diamond ring? Worth every penny, bruh. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Uh-oh. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"So she's going to dump me. Has anyone ever said, ""Listen, I've been thinking,"" and then follow it up with something good? It's not likeListen, I've been thinking, Nutter-Butters are an underrated cookie. What else can it be? What could she possibly have to say to me that she couldn't write in an e-mail? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"I cut off all my fingers? Ted, you're a great guy. I know it, you know it, she knows it. I would bet you a gazillion dollars-- no, I'm even more confident. I would bet you a floppity jillion dollars that she's not calling to break up with you. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Thanks. You're right. I'm being crazy. So I should still buy that plane ticket, right? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"I'd wait. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"'Sup, Blauman? E-b*mb here. We still on for karaoke? Dope. I'm going to rock you on the mike so hard your hears are going to bleed gravy. Catch you on the flip, butt puppet. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"Okay...what do you think? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Steak sauce. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"Steak sauce? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Yeah. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"Look, you know, whatever anthropology you do at work is your business, but please don't act like that around here. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Lily, when Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-... " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"No, when Dr. Australia Birdbath-Vaseline came home from the gorillas, she didn't run around picking nits out of people's hair and-and throwing feces. I'm begging you just, just leave it at the office. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Why? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"Because you're acting like one of those guys, and those guys are lame. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Okay, those guys were mean at first, yes, but they're actually good guys, and if you got to know them, then you would see that. Come karaoke with us tonight, and you'll see how totally not that lame they are, okay? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"Okay. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"You're right. They're delightful. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"So, Barney, you gonna sing anything? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Nah. I'm so over karaoke. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Really? I thought you'd be totally into it. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,"Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm good. The best, really. But it's the greatest samurai who lets his sword rust in its scabbard. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"Oh, baby, they have our song. Let's do ""Don't Go Breaking My Heart."" " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"""Don't Go Breaking My Heart."" Elton John, Kiki Dee. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"Well, actually, Marshall and I have this little dance routine. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"""Iron Man."" I could do ""Iron Man."" " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"Okay, that was gross. When were you going to tell me you changed your entire career path? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Nothing has changed, okay? I still want to help the environment. I just thought that maybe I could make some money for a few years. We could buy an apartment, send our kids to good schools. You could quit your job and focus on your painting. I know that you say you don't need it, but... I love you and I want to give it to you anyway. I want to give you the package. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"The package?! You've already given me the package. You've got a great package, Marshall. I love your package. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Lily, you're the most incredible woman I know, and you deserve a big package. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"Your package has always been big enough. You may not realize this, Marshall Eriksen, but you've got a huge package. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"Hello. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Why hasn't she called yet? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"Okay, you're making yourself crazy. It's Saturday night. Go out and do something. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"No, what's the point of going out? I got a girlfriend... for now. Besides, if I go out, who's going to watch the news? I'm, like, half your viewership. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"I'm flattered you think we have two viewers. She's not going to break up with you, Ted. You're awesome. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Thanks. Anyway, it's almost 11:00. I should let you go. Break a leg. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"I'm actually sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Marshall. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Hey, hey. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Dude, I feel like I haven't seen you in a month. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Yeah. Yeah. How you doing? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"I think Victoria's about to break up with me. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Oh, God, I'm sorry, man. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Yeah, well, honestly, I'm having trouble remembering what she looks like. The more I try to picture her, the more I can't. Like, I remember how she makes me feel. I just... I don't completely remember her. It's like I'm trying to preserve something that's already gone. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"Preserving something that's already gone. Sounds like environmental law. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"I don't know. We struggle so hard to hold onto these things that we know are going to disappear eventually. And that's really noble, but even if you save every rainforest from being turned into a parking lot, well, then where are you going to park your car? " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Barney,", singing " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"*Don't go breakin' my heart* " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"*I couldn't if I tried* " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Marshall,"*Honey, if I get restless* " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Lily,"*Baby, you're not that kind...* " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Ted,"Hello. " 1x17 - Life Among the Gorillas,Robin,"Hi, Ted. It's Robin. Um, listen, I know it's late, but, uh, do you want to come over? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Look, um... I know you're going through a lot right now. Getting divorced, being single, figuring out who you are on your own. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"I just mean... I'm okay taking this slow. I want to do this right. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Hey, I'm trying. I keep suggesting these big, romantic dates, and she keeps putting on the brakes. Like tonight, she wants me to just come over and bake cookies. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"Private Booty, reporting for duty. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"That's crazy. She-She wants to bake. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"It's called class, Ted. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Wait. That... You think that's what she means by ""baking cookies""? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"Are you kidding? You're in the kitchen, it's getting hot, you start licking stuff off each others' fingers. Before you know it, she's bent over the marble island, and you're spanking her with a rubber spatula. And she's screaming, ""Stop, Marshall, stop,"" but that's just code for ""harder!"" " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Marshall's been in Minnesota a while, huh? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"So long! And now he's staying even longer. His mom has been having a really hard time since the funeral. He's waiting on her hand and foot. But... it's Valentine's Day. It's not going to be the same without the two of us watching Predator together. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"You know, I saw this in the theater, like, five times, but I never got to see it with the right girl. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"I'm so glad none of those girls were right for you. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"What girls? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"I am. Earlier today, I burst into tears... " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"That's actually true. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"This won't be. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"And none was taken until just then. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"I decided to go to Minnesota to see Marshall. He shouldn't have to help his mom through this rough time all by himself. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney,"You losing your mind, being alone in your apartment? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"I'm getting weird! " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"See, it started off with me throwing Marshall's jersey on my body pillow. And, well, things kind of spiraled from there. I'm sorry I yelled like that before. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"I call him ""Marshpillow."" And he calls me... nothing because he's a pillow. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"You brought an overnight bag? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"You guys said I was definitely going to spend the night. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"She thought it was presumptuous and asked me to leave. It's-It's not like I brought a ton of stuff. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Not slippers, exactly. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"They're called British morning socks. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"How are you holding up, Judy? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"Hey, Mom? I hate to be that guy, but I'm pretty sure it was Hot Pocket o'clock, like, ten minutes ago. Lily. What are you doing here? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"I wanted to surprise you. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"Oh, my gosh. That's so sweet. I'm so glad you're here. Hey, um, before I forget, Mom, did you remember to get more double-A batteries? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"Oh, great, okay. I don't want my Game Boy to crap out. I'm having the sickest Dr. Mario run of my life. Okay. I'll be right back. I love you, Lily. Okay. You're the best, Mom. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"I thought he was here helping you. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"Uh, I'll talk to him. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"Oh, God. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Listen, that was a dumb move for me to just assume... " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"We totally did. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"They're actually called British morning socks. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Right. Okay. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"Um, Marshall, your mom asked me to carry this up. She turned her ankle on your Hot Wheels. Is my track okay? It's fine, but, Marshall, I thought you were here taking care of your mom. It seems like she's taking care of you. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"My mom loves to feel needed. Letting her take care of me is how I'm taking care of her. She's in a dark place, Lily. She needs this. Mom? You forgot my chocolate milk with the swirly straw! " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"Marshall, tomorrow's Valentine's. Don't you want to be at home on our couch, cuddling up under a warm blanket, watching the Predator use his heat vision to stalk helpless prey? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"Well, baby, we could watch Predator here. No, my mom can go rent it for us after she's done digging out the car. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"Marshall, your mom wants you out of here. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"What? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"Mom, d-do you want me to leave? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"But, Judy, you said... " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Yeah. You know, there's this new Italian restaurant on 79th that's supposed to be amazing. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Tomorrow night, my place. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Isn't that great? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"What do you mean? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Well, it's romantic, right? Zoey and I are getting serious on Valentine's Day. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Who said I wasn't sure? I'm glad we're in a serious relationship. Right away. And if I screw this up, I'm the devil, because she's going through a divorce. But I'm not going to screw this up. So stop freaking out, Robin. Stop freaking out! " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Hi! I'm here to help Marshall. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"Ted... I thought you were going to talk to Marshall about coming back to New York. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Yeah, but, you know, things move so fast in New York. Why not hang out here until at least after Valentine's Day. Plus, we're helping Marshall's mom. Uh, Mrs. Eriksen, we're running low on SunnyD! " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"No! " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"Marshall, I'm going home. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"What? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"I'm flying out tonight before the big storm, and I want you to come with me. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"I can't right now, 'cause my mom needs me. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"While I'm sure it's been really helpful for her to have you here playing Super Mario Kart for 14 hours a day... " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"You have Super Mario Kart?! " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"Hell, yeah. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"But your mom doesn't need you. Your life in New York needs you. It needs you really bad. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"Baby, don't go. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"Please come home soon. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"I miss my dad, Ted. I miss him so much. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"I know. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"Um, when I was a kid, we would spend the summers in the Upper Peninsula. And every year, we wouldn't get to the cabin till, like, the middle of the night. And so, it would be pitch black, in the middle of the woods. And I could never see anything in front of the headlights but I always felt so safe 'cause my dad was driving. He was like some sort of superhero who could just see way out into the darkness. Now he's just gone. And it's pitch black. And I can't see where I'm going. I can't see anything. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"Thanks a lot for coming out here, man. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Yeah. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"Hey, are-are you sure it's okay with Zoey that you're here for Valentine's Day? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Well, I mean, technically, she doesn't know yet. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"What? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Things with Zoey are moving really fast, and the divorce just makes everything more complicated. I just, I needed to take a step back. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"You're not taking a step back. You're running away. And hiding out here, hiding out here is not gonna solve anything. You're just holed up in Minnesota because you're too scared to face reality, and it's... We got to go back to New York, tonight. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"We're snowed in. Lily got the last flight. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"So, we drive. It's time. It's time to get back to real life. It's time to grow up. Yeah Mom! Can you make us some PB and J's for the road? " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Crusts cut off. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"Crusts cut off! No, Ted. What are we...? We're men. Mom! Leave the crusts on! They forced their opponents to scatter, picking them off, one by one, in a swift and merciless slaughter. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Ted,"Well, that was kind of presumptuous. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Robin," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Barney," " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"Baby, you're back. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Marshall,"Happy Valentine's Day, Lily Pad. Oh. " 6x16 - Desperation Day,Lily,"We both knew this would end eventually. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Ah, tweed. Textile of the eunuch. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"You know, I've always wondered why those tweed jackets have elbow patches. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Because the people who wear them are constantly going, ""Aw, geez, why can't I get laid?"" " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"You are wrong. The ladies dig the professor look. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"You know, there is something to that. I remember thinking my tenth grade math teacher was very sexy. I wonder if Harold's still in jail. What? Tax evasion. Among other things. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"So guys, Marshall and I wanted to invite you to our place for a little couples' night. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Uh, sure. Why not? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Welcome. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"(holding a tray)Gouda? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"This is great. We're having fun. You're having fun, right? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"So, should we just go ahead and lock the four of us in for new year's? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Right. Sorry. We're getting ahead of ourselves. Let's talk Thanksgiving. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Our parents really want to meet you! " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Wait. But, wait, if you leave now, Colonel mustard just gets away with it. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"(blocking their way) There's still pie. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Tonight was fantastic. We should do it again. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"(flashback when she saw Robin and Barney kissing) Wohoo! " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Marshall and I wanted to invite you to our place for a little couples' night. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Um, sure, why not? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Okay. Game time. Let's review the flow of the room. (moving in the room) Barney and Robin enter here. Stop here for margaritas. That's a great conversation starter. We can tell them about nour trip to Cabo. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Great, 'cause I got that story about Sammy Hagar Anthe Belgian waffle locked and loaded. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Then we'll move on to the hot apps station. And, depending on how things are going, Some lively pre-dinner charades. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Right, but, uh, we'll play that one by... (showing his ears) " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Sounds like? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Okay, you can be Robin's partner. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Oh... Baby, we can do this. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Welcome. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Gouda? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"No, you've just got to make it fun. For example, uh, every time I spot a grammatical error, I do a sh*t. I'm trashed right now, and I blame our public school system. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Take care. Bye. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Nailed it! " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Best night ever! " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"(in the corridor) Worst night ever. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Hey, how was the big couples' night with Marshall and Lily? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Brutal. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Really? How? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"It was like we were on a date with a sad, chubby girl our mom made us call. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"And they were so nervous, that they weren't even making sense half of the time. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Hey. Come on in. Would you like a margarita? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"In Cabo, I saw Sammy Hagar eating a Belgian waffle! " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"And they kept shoving platters of food in our faces. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Let me guessDid Marshall get, like, super intense about the cheese? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Yeah, how'd you know? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Poor Marshall., Lily's this gourmet cook, and all she letsMarshall do ss pick out one sad block of cheese. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"That's prosciutto-wrapped melon. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"You guys are going to want to get in on thisgouda. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"That's seared scallops with a mango chutney. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Seriously, don't sleep on thegouda. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"And that's Lobster ravioli in a black truffle oil. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Ooh...Tick-tock goes thegouda clock. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Um, we-we-we didn't realize there was gonna be dinner. We sucked down a couple tacos outside the subway. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"P.S., not sitting great. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"And if anything didn't go according to plan, they would freak out. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"What do you mean, the egg timer is broken? What are we going to use for charades, sweetie? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"I'm working on it, darling. Okay? Just stall them. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Now, Robin... You work in television. We're experiencing some technical difficulties. ( she laughs)You get that? We're still laughing. Right? Laugh,Marshall. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Come on, they just got excited. They've been looking for couple best friends forever. Plus, I'm sure they weren't that bad. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Show him. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"This is a web siteMarshall already made about last night. (he takes a computer) It's called itwasthebestnightever.com. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"(voice) " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"oh, that's not good. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"(always singing in the video) " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Needless to say, we've both changed our e-mail addresses. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"I don't understand. If last night went so horribly, why do Lily and Marshall think it was such a hit? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"I mean, we knew we were gonna have fun tonight, but we had no idea how much. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Oh. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Yeah, tough luck, every Saturday night I've ever had, 'cause this one just blew you out of the water. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Let's do it again, soon. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Yeah, we'll call you. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"They're your friends! Why would you just blatantly lie to them like that? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Well, that's what you say at the end of a crappy date. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Right? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Who was that? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Oh, I don't want to brag, But it seems chicks are really digging the whole professor thing. Last night, she picked me up at the bar. And then... Well, she actually wound up falling asleep on the couch. But, hey, that happens. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Uh, no, it doesn't. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Sure, it does. You know, she was, she was just exhausted from being turned on. But you heard her. She wants to do it again, soon. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Ted, let me ask you a question. Where does this girl live, exactly? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Westchester. Why? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"(he laughs) You're the sexless innkeeper. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Oh, my god! You're right! He's totally the sexless innkeeper! " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"What the hell is ""the sexless innkeeper""? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Ted, many a man--nay, many a soul--has their own tale of the sexless innkeeper. Why, I had run-in with one just last year. I even composed a poem about it. Would you care to hear it? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Not really. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"T'was the night before new year's, and the weather grew mean. It was 3:00 in the morning, And I was stranded in queens. (2008, the whole story of Barney is illustrated with images) The tavern grew empty, the gas lights grew dim. The horse-drawn carriages were all but snowed in... " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Wait. If this was last year, why are you acting like it was Oliver Twist? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Ted, it's a poem. Last call was approaching, and my fortunes looked bleak. Then I turned to my left and stifled a shriek. She had a peach fuzz beard and weighed 16 stone. She gobbled up hot wings and swallowed the bones. I muffled a scream and threw up in my mouth.I asked, ""where do you live?""And she said, ""one block south."". I swallowed my pride and six shots of whiskey. And prayed to the gods that she wasn't too frisky. Back in her cave, she prepared us a snack. 'neath her mighty hooves, the floorboards did crack. But when she returned, she found a sound sleeper. And thus she became the sexless innkeeper. And so are you " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Wait, you're saying that girl just used me for a place to crash? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Ted, you mentioned that you live right upstairs. She saw the tweed jacket " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"No way. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"I'm not the sexless innkeeper. Ted, that girl had no intention of ever hooking up with you. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Which is funny, because usually it's the innkeeper who offers turndown service. Oh! " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Hey, guys. Good news. First of all, you can ignore all the e-mails and texts we've sent you. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"We have. Go on. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Because we went ahead and booked that couples' weekend for all of us inVermont! " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Wait, you guys were serious about that? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Oh, we never joke about b&b's, especially at the height of syrup season. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Check it out. Saturday we've got apple-picking, antiquing, then a hated hay ride. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"And then on Sunday, we're up at 6:00 a.m. for the fall foliage hike. Now, you better pack your long johns, 'cause it is cold up there. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Look! I'm sorry that we have been dodging your calls, but we respect you guys too much as friends to give you some song and dance. You deserve the truth. (he sighs) The US Navy has found intelligent alien life at the bottom of the ocean. For reasons I can't explain, Robin and I have been tapped to lead the expedition. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Wow, Barney. That kind of sounds like the stuff you say to girls when you're too much of a coward to dump them. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Yeah. You know, that's exactly what it sounds like. But if that's true, that's awesome. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"What's going on? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Look, all the couple-y stuff, it's just not us. Barney and I are barely equipped to date each other, let alone you guys. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Plus, the alien thing. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Come on,Marshall. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Let's go. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"No...Lily... " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"You know what? I hope those underwater aliens are cold-blooded. 'cause then you guys will get along just fine. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"I think they bought it. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"I can't believe they broke up with us. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"We're so lovable. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"No, we're not. We're ugly and gross. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"I thought we did everything right. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"I know! I know. We had thegouda. We had my waffle story. I even sent them a awesome photo montage. Nothing. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Oh, dear god.Marshall, we've been over and over this. You have to stop sending those to people. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"(singing on the video)ordered Chinese food today some moo shu pork sauce got away flipped the cushion, now everything's okay. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Cat-sitting for Lily's mom, cat-sitting for Lily's mom, it's gonna be fun, it's gonna bring us all closer together. (in the video,Marshall let the cats going out by the window) " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Cat funeral, cat funeral, it was an accident and not entirely my fault, cat funeral, meow, meow, meow, meow, ca funeral, meow, meow, meow, meow. We'll miss you, whiskers, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow... " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"I can't believe you sent them one of those. They think we're insane now. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"If I recall, they didn't dump us until you brought up thatVermont trip. It was way too early. First, a boat ride around the city, then a trip toVermont. It's a rookie mistake, and you're better than that. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Oh, what about you forgetting to check the egg timer for charades? I gave you one thing to do,Marshall. One thing. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"One thing? (Lily nods) One thing? Wow. Really? So, I guess that gouda Just walked itself right through the door...Sliced itself up, and arranged itself in a perfect semi-circle around not three, not four... But five different kinds of sturdy, cheese-bearing crackers? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"You're a sturdy, cheese-bearing cracker! " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Guys, Lily and Marshall haven't been to the bar all week. They're taking this really hard. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Ted, I could listen to this guilt trip all day, But don't you have to get back up to the inn? I mean, who's working the front desk? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Seriously, they're your friends. You got to go apologize. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"To your point, Ted, as an innkeeper. Do you do that cheapy thing where you only change the linens upon request? I mean, I mean, I mean, how much water is that actually saving? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Robin, you know I'm right. Ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. Usually, it just makes it bigger. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"You're right. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Thank you. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"All that sexlessness has made you wise. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"For god's sake! " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Mint on the pillow, Ted! And don't charge for wi-fi. It seems greedy! It does. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Hey. We wanted to say we're sorry. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Oh. I wish you had called. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"(to a couple, inside the apartment) I swear, he was right there just eating a Belgian waffle! " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Oh! " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Um, listen, now's not a good time. We'll call you. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Wait. We just want... " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Hey! Hey, guys. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Hey. Long time no see. Have a seat. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Oh, we can't. We're here with Py and Shea. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Yeah, sorry. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Oh, it's just... We haven't seen you guys all week. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Hey, maybe all six of us could hang out. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Yeah. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Oh, it might be weird. We're kind of on a double date. Wouldn't want you to feel like a fifth and sixth wheel. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Who the hell are these people? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"They just moved here fromHawaii. Py is a total foodie " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Mmm! " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"And Shea, well... She's... " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Shea...Shea is just... " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Anyhoo, we can't stay long. We're just gonna grab a quick beer and then take these kooks for a boat ride around the city. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Wow, it sounds like this is getting pretty serious. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Well, we don't want to jinx it, but, uh... We kind of think they might be the two. (he touches the table) Ooh. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Pfft, who needs 'em? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Pfft. Not us. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Hi. Two for dinner. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Hey, why don't we call that weird couple down the hall from you? You know, with the ferrets? Maybe they want to come over and play taboo. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"After midnight? No way. We can't tabooty-call them, it's pathetic. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Hey, guys. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Barney, are you wearing sweat pants? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Maybe. But they're Armani. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Okay, guys, I've got some bad news for you. So I'm just going to come out and say it. You're a couple. And no matter how hard you try to fight it, couples need other couples. That's why you miss Marshall and Lily. And can't you just admit that? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Oh, yeah! " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"I know! When I got that left-hand- yellow, I was like, ""what?!"" " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"Oh, right back at you! " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Ding. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"For charades. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"How do we know you two won't hurt us again? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"You don't. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"You know what? We have two very nice people up in that apartment Who are perfect for us. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Then what are you doing, standing out in the rain with us? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Damn it. Why is there something so attractive about a bad boy... And girl? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,"I think we can change them. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Lily,"Come here, you two. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"We'll never sleep on thegouda again. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Hey, Barney. I got a little poem for you. You want to hear it? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"No, not really. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"'twas the night before, I had hours to k*ll. (the whole story is illustrated with images) I sat in the tavern, grading parchments with quill. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"With quill? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"Barney. It's a poem. A busty, young lassie flashed me a grin. Her garb said ""classy,"" but her eyes whispered ""sin."" She said, ""you're a teacher?"" I said, ""yes, indeed."" ""I must have you,"" she moaned.""I'm turned on by tweed."" With haste we did scamper to my chamber anon. We fell to the couch, and, bro, it was on. I unlaced her bodice. Our passions grew deeper. And thus ends the tale of the sexless innkeeper. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"No way. You made that up. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Barney,"Whew! " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Ted,"God, I love being single. " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Robin,"Barney, you ready for brunch with Lily and Marshall? " 5x04 - The Sexless Innkeeper,Marshall,(worried) What have I done? 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Wooden beams immersed in natural light from the atrium.They will love it! " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," I need to hear Lily. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," On the roof, a Zen garden to pray silently. In the lobby, a fountain where local kids can make wishes. The new GNB, your workplace and your home. Thank you, and.. welcome home. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Yeah, it's Ted. No, no. I have not approved the change in plans for the new GNB headquarters, which I am the chief architect, just 30 years. Yes, I'm single and I give to charity.What is the relationship? Okay, bye, Mr. Mayor. You know it was bogus? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," Look at Scarlett Johansson at the Oscars. If I could get a celebrity, it would be Scarlett Johansson. Canon, talented and you do not turn as Woody Allen's father without issue. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," If I got a celebrity, it would be Lily. This is the star of my heart. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," For me it would be Hugh Jackman. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," You know, the celebrities, they like really weird sex stuff. Believe me. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," How do you know that? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," It's embarrassing, but I... I came home one evening with a celebrity. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," My God! Seriously? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," He wanted to do weird things with me, so I left. That's it.End of story. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," No, not the end of history. I need to know who, what, when and where. Balance! " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Please, calm down. You swallow too much air. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," But before you poursuives, I'm flattered, but technically I'm not a celebrity. Also, one last time, the mask, it was a joke. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," Not you, Barney. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," Who's who? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Now you've spun him hiccups. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," I'll tell you anything specific. But all I will say is that he is Canadian, but you know it. And he brought home by offering to show me a single collection. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," What do you mean ""collection""? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," As you collect stamps or coins. But I say nothing. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," Tell us at least the weird thing he wanted to do. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," I know not what you call it, but we have a name for it in Canada. Listen, I've already said too much. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," So the mystery celebrity who collects something mysterious asked you to do a mystery Canadian sex act. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," Yes. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," Tell us. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," I'll tell you. But only if you correctly guess the three parties. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," It is simply impossible. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," Right. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," I do not even know of Canadian sex act. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," You have the Sled Dog, the Lobster Trap, the Mounted Police. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," How do you know that? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," Canadiansexact.org, this is a favorite. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Point org? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," Yeah. It's nonprofit. They just want to disseminate information. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," I just had a conversation strange. A woman at the GNB told me that the new tower was abandoned last month. It's crazy, right? What is this look? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," It is said? It should. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," No. I want to. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," There's been no light. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," What's going on? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," It's time you know. A few weeks ago, Bilson called us. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Dude, Ted will be devastated. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney,"Marshall and I have to say? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Tell him, you're his best friend. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," No, it's you. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," No, it's really you. Shhh, it happens. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," White or Asian? You see, I hardly know him. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," How are you? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," You okay? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," I'm frustrated. The least innovative thing in my drawings, Bilson cuts with a machete. I hate to depend on what kind of guy. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," You should leave the project. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," It is clear, leave him. It is unworthy of you. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," It's decided. A new beginning! May the winds be with you... " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Are you kidding? They still come to turn a guy in my box.Bilson, is heavy, it is clear, but without this project, I have more work. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," It's funny you mention the project. Because... " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," You're super good. Keep it up, man. Your hair, your teeth are beautiful now. You shine like a diamond! " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Thank you. I needed it. Well, I go back to work. I must insert a plank in the dark hallway of Bilson. You have understood me. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," What was that? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," I have an idea. The next two months Ted has paid anyway. We could not let it continue and not to tell her? He had a tough year. Let the fun a little. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," You suggest a complicated lie in the long term that implies a lot of discipline. A guy like you will not succeed. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," But if I can. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," Lie to me, there. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," I have a spaceship. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," What kind of fuel? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," I have no spaceship. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," But no! Defend yourself! If someone asks, diverts it from the original lie with other lies. I show you. I have a pony.Question me. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," It is what color? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," When I was Dandelion, her complexion was of a deep hazel, unfortunately, his barn is located near a chemical plant, which contaminated water. Over time, it became a dull gray and the vet can not do anything to help. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," My God! It's horrible. Dandelion will make it? Okay...You're strong! Dandelion is not sick, huh? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," So the tour is canceled and you really have lied to me. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," We did it to protect you. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," I think so. My two best friends have planted and I saw nothing. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," In Canada, it's called a snow plow Vicious. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," This tower was the dream job and it went up in smoke. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Sorry, Ted. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," I need a drink. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," The poor. It's moved if I return to Canada on sex? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Not at all. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," You've been slow. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," What is a Zamboni with 2 hands? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," Well, the only thing that carries the woman is skates with his hands. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," Pack milk Manitoba? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," It's like the Moustache of Chicago, but the person below wearing a combi. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," A Lobster Trap of Newfoundland? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," I dunno, I want to know. These people are crazy. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," Well, I decided my first proposal. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," Okay, but I say only if you find the person, the act and the collection. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," Well, I'm starting. Bryan Adams. He collects baseball cards and he wanted to make you... an oily Kayak. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," No. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," Wayne Gretzky, former Hot Wheels, an Eskimo kneeling. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," No. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Kiefer Sutherland, souvenir glasses, tights and a Pancake. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," No. I would have accepted it. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Wait. If they canceled the project a month ago, why did I go every week to see the new working group? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," Of course, you could not see you point and Bilson. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," So we... invented the working group. It was enough just to gather a team. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," You see Roy Waterman, Vice President of Venture Capital? It's actually... Roy maintenance. I'm sorry, Roy. How would you like to make you some money? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Louisa Mendoza, Vice President at Capital exécutie, It's actually... Louisa from the cafeteria. Louisa, I need your help, but forbidden to speak. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Exactly. This is an important secret. How do you say ""secret"" in Spanish? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Okay. Albondigas. This will be our little albondigas. I have balls, please? Arthur and Nasmith, the eccentric genius, investment guru, it's actually... Arty the cracked one-man band of 15th Street. Excuse me. One can argue? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," It was completed with the group of trainees and paid $ 50 for them to look enthusiastic when you talked... " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," That was one of the most inspired designs of my career. I was so excited. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," Alex Trebek, a Guardian Eventé, teddy bear! " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," No. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," Damn! " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Wait. It explains what happened to Louisa. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Good job. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," All right! " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Louisa. What can we do about it? Do not like you not understand. You feel the same. After all! " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," No, it's not good! Damn, you're in the working group! " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Is there anything else you want to tell me? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," When you played third base for the softball team GNB. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," There is no softball team. We just rented a field, a bunch of guys together so they make you a hero. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," My lap of honor was bogus? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Sorry, we knew you'd be unemployed soon. We wanted you to feel good. Friends do that. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Lying? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Sometimes, yes, to protect them. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," False! Never lie to his friends. I should never have lied. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," Really? And this open mic night at the Comedy Club? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," You're like me, people? Have you ever considered the amount of fish species? And... the name of these fish?Here are a few. ""Trout. ""Right? ""Sturgeon. ""I think so buddy.""Salmon. ""I'll say it again... Salmon. Who thought it was a good idea? ""Bar. ""This guy is what I mean. ""Halibut. ""Thank you, good evening. How do I? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Super. Very funny. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," Fatal... Thursday evening for everyone. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Timeout. You do not like fish? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," It was horrible! You've just read a list of fish. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Whatever... This proves my point. You lied to me to protect me. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," It has nothing to do! I lost one month of my life to work on a dead project. I could have spent that time to find new contracts. Instead, I'll go tomorrow morning and probably get fired. Best Screenplay, my boss yelling at me going in front of everyone. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," For me, it's called a... " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," A Totem of Saskatoon. It's here. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Hello, lying bastards. No lies before I go to work to get fired? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," Nice shirt. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," You're the devil. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," What if we told you that you found another project to GNB, where you have to redo part of the 20th floor. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," If it's a lie, it's really bad. And I will do what? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," This is the P.T.E. 18th floor. Basically, Bilson wants a piece like that, two floors above us. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Wait, what is a P.T.E.? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," Room for Transitional Employees. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," What does that mean? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," It's a place where a manager and an employee initiate a transfer of knowledge about an impending career change. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," It turns people here. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," It's horrible. Why have a special room to turn people? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," GNB think we need a safe place to meet new. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," It's serious there. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Leaving space dismissal, you get into what I call ""the Renaissance Corridor Quiet."" Here, an oval room of rest with psychological support. Right there, after the fountain of the New Departure. And here it is. Instead of a sad and gloomy cell, a protective womb... giving birth to a new life. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," Really? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Thank you. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Absolutely. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," OK, I think this wall... " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," What? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," But... " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," Anyone of Rush, a Meat Pie from Montreal and a lunchbox superhero. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," No. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," Rick Moranis, the Reverse Rich Moranis, of Jewish antiquities. I give up. It's been three days that I seek. I stop. If that means I could ever be. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," Well. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," Tell us about it! " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," You really want to know? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney,"Marshall, Lily and Yes! " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," But this info does not leave the table. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," My God. I am so excited. I will read. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," Read it. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Read it. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," I will read it. Let's go. ""The Frozen Snowshoe,"" ""Old King Clancy"", ""The Plateaux of Harvey."" " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," So? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," I do not understand any of these words. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," One of them is supposed to be famous? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Who the hell... The Old King Clancy is? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," This is not the person is the sexual act. It's like the Sacramento Turtleneck, but with maple syrup. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," And fame, this is Harvey Léplateaux? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," No, it's the collection. Harvey trays. These orange trays they give you when you eat at Harvey. Restaurants? Will you take a trip on the Trans-Canada Highway, you have a hollow between Milverton and Wawa, where you stop eating, eh? At Harvey. More than 12,000 customers! " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," So fame was... " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," The Frozen Snowshoe. Oh, my God! You know Racket jelly? This is the most famous pro wrestler of Canada. I met him after his victory over Rick ""The Daredevil"" at the Rogers Memorial Arena in Kamloops in 2002. A classic. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," So you say you Racket Jelly invited him home to show you trays of Harvey, and you've asked him to do an Old King Clancy? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," Right. And I'm serious, do not tell anyone. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," My hiccups are gone. Perhaps forever. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," You again. You even found a way to spoil it. Why?Why let yourself do we as a country? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Hey, Mister Whisper. You should not be up there to draw your super PTE? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," I'm more about the project. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," What? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Bilson fired me. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," You're kidding. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," What does that mean for your company? You're going to be fired? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Actually, I just resign. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," Why? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," I can not work for large corporations with no heart. In selling me your ""working group"", I was the most inspired work of my career. In fact, you reminded me how my job could be fun when I'm not dealing with Bilson, so... I resigned. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," They've turned, eh? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Yes, sir. But I have good benefits and I have made a great decision. I'll start my own box. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Lily," It's exciting. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," With this economy? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Marshall," So, do we want it? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Ultimately, I am grateful. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," What was it with Bilson? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," After he proposed a career change, I made an impromptu presentation with a four-step approach that put him in the knee. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," You've hit with a chair? " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Ted," Yeah. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Barney," Well done. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," It's very impressive, The Frozen Snowshoe. " 4x18 - Old King Clancy,Robin," So... Snowshoeing Would you like me... Old King Clancy one? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Oh, my God. These pancakes are delicious! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Yes! Thank you. Uhm, I learned how to cook while you were gone this summer. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Oh. Do you want to cook dinner tonight? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Yeah, sure. How about pancakes? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"You may not have much range, but at least I'm marrying a guy who knows how to make pancakes. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Oh, uhm... " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"I mean, uhm... Well, I... I realize that we haven't really discussed whether us getting back together means us getting married, but... I still wanna. Do you still wanna? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Really? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Of course, I love you. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"No, I mean, that's how you're gonna do it? ""Do you still wanna?"" That's like the lamest proposal ever. When I did it, I got down on my knees... I don't know, I'm just saying. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"(getting down on one knee) " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"No, no, no, no, no, no. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"What?! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"You can't lead with that. You got to... build up to that. You got to have, like, a little speech. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Do you remember your proposal to me? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"I had a speech prepared. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"What do you want to hear? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"I don't know. I mean, you could tell me, like, about how good-looking and funny and smart I am and I've been working out lately. It might be nice for you to mention something about that. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Marshall... You are good-looking... " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Thank you. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Funny... " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Oh, thanks. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Smart... " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"And a few tears wouldn't hurt. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Okay, would you freakin' marry me already? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"I'll marry you. Of course. But, uhm, until you see a ring on this finger, don't expect me to put out. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Yeah, right. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"I'll give you this. That was a very creative use of syrup. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"I can't even look Mrs. Butterworth in the eye. Oh, my God. We're getting married! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"I know, I know. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"(on the phone) " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Man, I made a big mess by canceling this wedding, didn't I? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"It's okay, baby. You're not just realizing that now, are you? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"God, the idea of standing up there in front of all those people who hate my guts... Just makes me want to run off to Atlantic City and get married today. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Yeah... " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Coming up at 11:00Are there piranhas in the East River? What you don't know... could eat you. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Robin! Stop the news! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"It's okay. They're my friends. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"We're going to Atlantic City to elope. You got to come with us. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Oh, my God, that is so fantastic! I don't know if I can just leave work. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Let's go to Atlantic City! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"You guys are eloping! Oh, that's fantastic. Wait, is this because there's a time crunch Uncle Ted should know about? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"I hope not because I plan on getting hammered. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Guys, this sounds like so much fun, but I can't really take off work. I'm kind of important around here, you know? I'm the project manager. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Ted, for the rest of our lives, we are going to be telling the amazing story of how we went to Atlantic City and got married. Don't you want to be in that story? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Of course I do. Let's go to Atlantic City! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Yeah! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Oh, but when we tell the story, can you leave out the part where I hesitate? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"You got it. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Hey, guys. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Wow. A pedicure. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Uh, if there were any shame in a dude getting a pedicure I don't think there would have been a feature about it in Details magazine. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"We're going to Atlantic City to elope right now! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Oh, congratulations, Lily. Marshall, you're getting married? What the hell? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"So are you in or not? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Hell, yeah, I'm in! Just... I'm almost done. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"No, we got to get going to the... " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Well, actually, I mean... It is my wedding day, and since we're here... " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Wow. Look at this place. I guess I'll have my pick of something old. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"And something blue. Somebody should really check on this lady. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Ah, A.C., always in decline, never hitting bottom. It's good to be back, old friend. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"You been here before? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Oh, uh, once or twice. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Ah, good to see you, too. Three times, maybe. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"The wedding chapel... This is it. Are you ready to do this? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"I'm ready. Let's get married. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Barney, Ted and Yeah. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Oh, crap. I don't have a veil. I'm a bride, I can't get married without a veil. And a bouquet. I need a veil and a bouquet. Oh, my God, we're getting married. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Don't worry. Relax. We'll get you a veil, honey. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Oh, Robin, that's a really cute outfit. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Oh, really? Thanks. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Yeah, it has to go. I'm the bride, you can't look better than me. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Done. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"I'm going to get the bouquet. You guys get the veil. We'll meet in the chapel in 20 minutes. Ready? Break. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"You guys want to go gamble? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"No, we got to go get the veil. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Or we looked everywhere, and we couldn't find one. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Yeah, okay. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"No, you guys go ahead. I'm going to find the veil. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"So this is it, right? The last 20 minutes of your single life. I'm proud of you, buddy. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Thanks. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"How are you feeling? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Great, a little nervous. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Yeah? Craps? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Not that nervous. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"No, I mean do you want to play craps. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Oh, yeah, definitely. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Okay, I got the veil. She wasn't ready to be married. All right, let's talk bachelor party. Are we thinking full-on strip club, or should we rent a room and have a private toy show? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"What did you just say? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Barney, no. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Marshall, I'm your best man. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"You're not my best man. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Right here. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"And as your best man, I have to throw you a bachelor party. That's part of being a best friend. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"You're not my best friend. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Right here. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Barney, I don't have any time for a bachelor party. I've got, like, 18 minutes. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"18 minutes... " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Oh, good. Did you get the veil? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Of course. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"And it took us exactly 18 minutes. We went to a strip club. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Dude! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Unbelievable! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"We weren't there for very long. It's not like I had time to have a lap dance or anything. I got a lap dance. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Your last lap dance ever. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Right. What? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"(arriving, wearing a ""shirt boobs"") " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Oh, God, the things people waste money on in Atlantic City. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Does it smell like strippers in here? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"That's weird, right? Marshall and Lily are getting married! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Hell, yeah, look at this. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Oh, baby, this is it. Let's do this thing. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Hi. We're here to get married. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"We don't want any of that. Just your basic quickie wedding will be fine. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Well, sure. In Vegas, the casinos pump in oxygen. Here, it looks like everyone brought their own. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"(looking at Robin's shirt) " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"No, no, no, it has to be today. That's the whole point. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Wait, I don't understand, people get married in Atlantic City all the time. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Have you been outside? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"There is half an orca whale rotting not 20 feet from the cabana. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"You guys, take it easy, guys. Are you sure about this? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Bright sidethe bachelor party continues! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Yes! Continues? You mean ""start."" He means ""start."" We went to a strip club. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Is there any way that we could get a license today? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Well, we're in love. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"What better reason could there be? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"God, this is taking forever. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"(to Ted) " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"I know. I am so proud of these two. After all they've been through. In fact, that crazy road has led them all the way here to Atlantic City... " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Ted, up here. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Uhm? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"You were just staring at my shirt boobs. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"No! I wasn't. I was checking out the hot body underneath the shirt. Okay, look, maybe I was looking at your shirt, but it's a, it's a funny, funny shirt. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Hi. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"See you. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"What the hell was that? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"A... Chinese guy? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Hi. Hello. Uh, we need a marriage license, but we need to skip the waiting period because... We're in love. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Oh, really?! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Oh. Well, so can we see a judge? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Really?! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Why are you doing this to us?! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Really?! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"You know what? We get it. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Okay, this is a good plan B. Judges are people. People go to the bathroom. A judge is bound to come by eventually, and we'll get married. I'm sure we won't be waiting long. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Geez, you go to a vending machine for 30 seconds. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Vultures. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"(to Robin) " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"What? Here? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Yeah. Got a little time to k*ll. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Oh, my God, it's the T-shirt, isn't it? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"No. A little. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Something is seriously wrong with you. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"So what, is that a no? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"All right, let's do it. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"All right. Um, also...? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Yes, I'll leave it on. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Sweet. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney," Guys, let's bail. This is never gonna happen. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Look, I know this is turning into a bit of a disaster, but believe me, it's better than the alternative. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"You throwing a big, free party with lots of booze and food and all your single, desperate girlfriends from college? Yeah, glad we dodged that b*llet. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Judge! Judge, come on. Come on, come on, come on! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Okay. May we please get married today? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"What was what? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"A look of love. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"You know, what's thick? what's thin? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Yeah, I mean, all... yeah. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"I have. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"They broke up over the summer. Lily totally ran off to San Francisco and these two just had sex in the closet. What? We're under oath. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"No, we're not. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Yeah, we are. He's a judge. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Wh-- Did we take an oath? Do you even know what an oath is? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Uh, yeah. Courthouse. Oath. We're under it. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Guys. It's looking like this isn't gonna happen. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"No, Marshall, we are gonna get married today. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Baby, anyplace we go, we're gonna need a marriage license. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Except international waters. So let's find a ship captain. A ship captain can marry us. There's boats all over this place. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Oh, is that what those wooden things are floating between the garbage? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"This is a great idea. This is gonna work. Let's go. (To a woman) Excuse me. Are you a ship captain? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"I should go talk to her. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"No, let me. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Blackjack? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Yeah. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Well, I found a guy who said he'd be willing to put his boat in my slip, so we're getting closer. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Okay, Lil, why is it so important to do this today? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Because... If we don't do it today, I just know we're gonna wind up having a huge wedding with a huge crowd full of huge Midwestern people looking all disapproving and judging me while sipping little cups of mayonnaise and cracking runaway bride jokes all night long. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Nobody's gonna do that. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"No, they're not because I'm not gonna give them the chance. I'm gonna find a ship captain and we're gonna be married tonight. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Sweetie, this is crazy. You're never gonna find a ship capt... " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Hey, Lily. Found a ship captain. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"What? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Yeah. First guy we talked to. Ship captain. How great is that? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"See? See, this is destiny. So, captain, can you take us out to international waters and marry us? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"What? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Deal. $5,000, okay, we can do that. Come on, everybody. Fork over your cash. Don't think. Just do it. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"I can get us that money. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"How? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Have you noticed that all day today Chinese guys have been coming up and saying hi to me? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Yes. Have you noticed I haven't asked about it because I'm too scared of the answer? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Well, those are my old gambling buddies. Truth is... I used to come here all the time. Play an old Chinese game called ""Shing Hasabu Shing"". Had a small gambling problem. Actually, it wasn't so small. I kind of lost my entire life's savings. But tonight, I don't know, I'm feeling hot. I think I can win us that money. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"No, we're not letting you gamble all our money away. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney," Uh, it's not gambling if you absolutely know you're going to win. I'll get us that money. I swear it, nay... I oath it. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Do you understand what's happening? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Not a clue. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"Do you think he's winning? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"I don't even know if he's playing. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Wait, I get it. I understand this game. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"No, you don't. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"I totally understand the game, Theodore. Barney, split your tiles. You can triple your money if you find the jellybean. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Marshall, please. Don't you think I know what I'm... My God, you're right. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Wow. It's beautiful. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Thanks, Barney. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Did you guys see me? I was on fire tonight. Man, I can't wait to get back to the shore. God, I love gambling! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"When we get home, we're gonna go to a little meeting. Okay? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Why can't I do it just a little? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Okay. Let's get this started. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Yeah, serious is probably good. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"This is pretty cool. I can't believe you never want to get married. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"I never said ""never."" " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"What was what? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"We don't want to do this. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"We don't. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"Are you kidding me? You guys are calling off another wedding? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Robin,"After I spent all this money on a bridesmaid shirt? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Barney,"Did I bet someone that they'd call it off? I did, didn't I? Who'd I bet? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"You actually expect any of us are gonna come to your third wedding? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Yes. Because it's gonna be amazing. Look, before I was afraid to face Marshall's family and I didn't want to do all that work, but... Now that we're here... I realize that I have to face Marshall's family and I really want to do all that work. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"So do I. And yeah... My family might still be upset with you. But when they see us up there, they're gonna see how much we love each other and none of that other stuff is gonna matter. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"I love you, Marshmallow. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"I love you, too, Lilypad. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"What?! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Are... we married? Did you just marry us? Weren't you listening? We don't want to be married. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Unpronounce us! Unpronounce us! " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Oh, whew... That was close. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Ted,"(wearing Robin's shirt boobs) " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Hey... Ted. " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Lily,"Is Robin here? " 2x08 - Atlantic City,Marshall,"Man, I hope so." 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Anyway... We were happy together. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"What... " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"That's it. This is the problem. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Barney,"Her ass? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"Big? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"Small? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"This is an access problem? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"There will always be a bag. Even if it goes well, it ends one day by spoiling. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Barney,"Once in 30 years. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"When I discover his luggage. I feel it. I do not know what it is, but when I know, it'll be over. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Barney,"Please, tell me you repliest not emotional baggage. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"It's a good thing? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Barney,"The emotional baggage is the foundation of American cultural export the most important. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Barney,"Actually, the p*rn. Only women with major baggage make p*rn. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"Major Baggage. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"Everyone has one. You should know the face. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Really? The last time I overcame a background, it was that of a certain Stella, and, damn, I draw a blank. How did it end? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"What happened is horrible, it does not mean that is the case for everyone. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"Content that will be encountered young, not to be. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"Issues mother. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"Not at all. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"From grandmother. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"Certainly not. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Barney,"On the great grandmother. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"I do not like it myself cuddly. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"And you know your worst baggage? You're too nice. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"It's not a nice bag? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"You've already looked walking down the street? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"I know not what to answer. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"I'll help. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"I'll help you. (It helps a man to repair his bike) That should do it. Guys, not today. It would be... (He begins to dance) " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"It's normal. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Barney,"There is a street where it's normal. One cluea giant yellow bird lives on. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"I would love that one bag of Royce or she is nice. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Barney,"Gentile? This is the worst baggage. The bestshe hates her father, and she believes to be big, but no. Steamy sex at first date, and have brekky, she left. Why are you with me? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"It does not beat my pancakes. I'll make once. There are incredible. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"What took you so, one time! " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"It's nothing. Forget. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"It was on his way and Marshall wanted to stop to help guys to load their van. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"To be nice. It cost nothing. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"And when the van is gone, which shows up if it is not the owner of the apartment, which had just been robbed help. And that was hard to explain to the police. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"That's what I meant. New York is not a small town, friendly, crime-free, inbred, in the woods, with cows lost in Minnesota, where you've grown. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"No crime? In 1994, the cashier of the grocery store was robbed. Besides, I like being friendly, okay? I will change not it. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"Do not change, baby. I find it pure. Pure. (Marshall gets up to the counter) Mashed mother of God is a moron sometimes. He lent them money to refuel. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"He gave them money? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"Not given, lent. They said they would send a check, so Marshall gave our address. What prevents them from coming home one night, and maybe tie me? With Marshall, sometimes we pretend for real but it's terrifying. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"Why would you tell her anything? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"What interest? He's from Minnesota. The mascot of his high school, it was a hug. Marshall is back with a beer while Ted joined them in turn. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"What was with Royce? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Interesting. We went to this new film The Future Bride. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"Was it good?! Not that I'm interested. This is for girls.But it could take me there, like, 7:10 p.m. at the session tomorrow, 9:40 p.m. where because of my meeting. But I will leave soon, we will try to 7:10 p.m.. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"What's the movie about, anyway? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"This is where it's interesting. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"It's about me. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"The Future Bride talking about you? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"You sure it's you? When I saw The Wild History of space, I would have sworn... " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"This is my story. It is written by Tony Grafanello. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"Tony Grafanello? This is... " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"With him that Stella is gone. This film tells the story of our breakup. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"Why would he make a film? It's not him, the villain? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"Yes, nice and called Ted Mosby. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"It's funny, it's also my recollection. But according to the film... " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"I'm stunned. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Right? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"That's comedies these days? I fall off my chair! I really fell off my chair. It was funny. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"What idiot. He chose a beautiful girl for my role? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"You're not in it. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"What a jerk! " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"No, Tony is not stupid. Well, not after the movie. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"I'm bigger than him. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Once. I was on medication! " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Nothing. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"This movie is really rotten! And everything is wrong!Remember my request? This spontaneous moment in the game room, I had no ring, so I gave him a teddy? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"It was cute. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"And romantic. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"A little cutesy. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"That's how it was in the movie... " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"And the hot date 2 minutes? When I condensed a romantic rendezvous in 2 minutes to go with the busy schedule of Stella? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"You're a good guy. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"It was really nice. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"And a little cutesy. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"According to the film... " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"If you know what you do, 2 minutes. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"Word expert. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"But the worst... the worst... it was the end. They are to marry... " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"Tell not the end! This is what I would say, if ever, I wanted to see a movie as bad. Continues. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"So they are to marry... " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"What is your problem? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"He said ""Ted"", right? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Okay, he really said this time around. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Nothing. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"You must tell your story with Stella Royce. It will be released at one time or another. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Why? So why should it? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"Because it is past the fifth most profitable films. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"I do not care. I will take it to my grave. It's a silly movie anyway! " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"He looks like zero. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"I'll never see him out of friendship for you. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Barney,"That's exactly what happened. It was all good. Even the thing with nunchakus. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Yeah, that was good. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Bluntly. Well, technically, this is the correct pronunciation. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Bluntly! " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Bluntly! This guy's life was ruined by humiliation before the world. Too funny! It will take years before you can watch his family in front. It must be so traumatized that never again will he love or trust someone. It was insane! Get Moving, Adolf h*tler, a new king has arrived! " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"I thought you would be interested to learn some stuff about this movie that you love. It is rotten. And you are all stupid to love. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"You said ""not altogether, doll?"" " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"You really used the phrase Jed Mosley? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"I know! I was so excited... How do you know it's his sentence? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"I wanted to see Avatar. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"It's good. I will emigrate to a country where nobody saw the bride. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"Good luck. This film is international, it's great. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"Maybe North Korea? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Robin,"I read that Kim Jong, he says it's his second favorite movie. Just after he made a film where the horse in slow motion. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Lily,"Sorry, Ted, you're screwed. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"No, you know, Ted is not screwed. You know why I'm nice? Because I'm crazy baggage people. Most people see another person with this big suitcase, and they spend doing nothing. But not me. I look at them and say, ""Hi, stranger. Can I help you? ""And you know who taught me to be like that? A Ted Mosby. A decent and sincere guy who has faith. And you know what, Ted? Inside you, you're still that guy. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"I still am. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"You wanna go get that girl. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"I want to go get that girl. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"For it is the love of your life. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Because it is... Yeah, well... We had 3 rencards. It's nice. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Marshall,"Because she's nice. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"It's really nice! You're right, Marshall. I have to go retrieve it.And I know exactly where it is. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Royce! " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Barney,"Ted? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Barney? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"I must say something. Long ago, I left that horrible daughter, Stella, break my heart. And now she is with this jerk who wrote a movie about it and this movie is called... The Future Bride. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"I'm Jed Mosley. But Royce, missed it... in that cowboy boots red, it's not me. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Barney,"To be clear, you're saying that you do not have boots red cowboy? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"What... " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Barney,"I wanted... People want to know. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"They are g*n in fact. I promised I'd make pancakes.And... I would keep that promise. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Barney,"Come on, darling, kiss him. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Barney,"This is outrageous. Thou hast embraced evil! " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Royce, if you... " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Do I always appreciate... Would you like me to make pancakes? " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Barney,"Kiss it! This film is embraced anyway. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"That happened to me, it was pretty hard. I am not fully recovered. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"It feels good to have you said those things. I'm happy to open myself to you. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Wait, I thought you had a very small studio. " 5x23 - The Wedding Bride,Ted,"Yeah, you need to go there. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"OK, where was I? It was June 2006 and life had just taken an unexpected turn. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Honey, all this stuff I'm telling you is important. It's all part of the story. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"No. The summer of 2006 was both wonderful and awful. For me, it started out great. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"So that's it? We're breaking up? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Lily,"Marshall, I'm sorry. I just... I just need to go to San Francisco and do this art program and figure out who I am outside of us. And the only way that I can do that is if we don't talk for a while. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"For a while? Try never, OK? You walk out that door and we're done. You're never gonna hear my voice again. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"I should call her. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"No! No! If you call her, when she asked you not to, you're just gonna look weak and you're gonna regret it. Now, listen. Whenever you feel like calling her, you come find me first... and I will punch you in the face. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"You're a good friend Ted. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"Hey! So, did you hear the big news? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"You mean how Lily and Marshall broke up and Lily is gone and nothing else even remotely important happened last night? Yeah, I think he knows. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"Oh my god! I... I'm so sorry. What happened? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Well, she left. And I don't even know if she's coming back. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"I didn't get your message until I woke up. Bro, I am so sorry. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Thanks. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"I know it must be tough. But are you ready to hear something that will not only make you feel better but will actively excite you? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Sure. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"For the first time ever, the three of us are single at the same time. I've dreamed about this day boys and it's going to be legendary! Together, we will own this city. Any time, a girl wants to get back at her ex-boyfriend, we'll be there. Any time a girl wants to solve her father issues through promiscuity and binge-drinking, we will be there. Any time a bachelorette party drives through the city in a limo sticking their heads out, shouting ""What's up New York?"" we will be what is up New York! Gentlemen, we are about to embark on... " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Hey Marshall. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Hey Ted. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Are you hungry? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"What's the point? I could it some food, it's just gonna leave me. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"At least in that scenario, you get to do the dumping. Come on, it's Sunday, it's pancakes day! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Lily always made the pancakes. God, I loved her pancakes. So soft. So warmed. So perfectly shaped. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Are we still talking about her pancakes? Come on, you gotta eat something. What can I get you? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Beer. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"No, that's what you had for dinner. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Fine. Than I'll just have the leftover " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"So he stays home all the time not getting laid? No, see, that's what you do when you have a fiancée. He should be down here celebrating. He's free. He got that red-head-tumor removed. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"You should write and illustrate children's books. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"You know what Marshall needs to do? He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"It's only been a month. He just needs to goat his own pace. Anyway, lily is the one who caused this whole mess. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"Hey, cut her some slack! She's our friend too. She's just trying to figure out who she is. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Figure out who she is? She should call me. I got a whole list. She's selfish, she's immature, she's... " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"What? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"God, your eyes are so blue. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"Teddy bear... " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"So, I find her shampoo. I guess she left it here. It smells like her. Like lavender and seashells. Hope. Somehow erotic and comforting all at the same time. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"That's my shampoo. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Oh. Sorry. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"I thought he's never go to sleep. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Uh-oh. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"Already? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"He's calling her. Dammit! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"I don't hear anyth... " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"(going out of the bedroom) " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Oh! OK, you're right. I won't call her. I will not call her. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Well, I called her. And get this, she changed her number. Well like I'm gonna stalk her or something? Like she's so special?! Like she's the only Lily Aldrin out there? 'Cause there are four others in the San Francisco area alone, and they all seem a lot better than her, based on the brief conversations I had with them! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"(to Ted) " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Yeah. Hey Robin. Anyway, one of the Lily Adrins... " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"This has to stop! Ted, we just started dating. We agreed we don't wanna move too fast and yet somehow we have a baby. He can't feed himself, he cries a lot, he keeps us up all night... " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"Have you tried breast-feeding? Nailed it! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"They were together nine years. It's only been a month and a half. He just needs to go his own pace " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"He slept on our floor last night Ted. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"He watched a scary movie. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"It is time for some tough love. We need to get him out of that apartment. He needs fresh air. He needs sunshine. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"Mmm. Sunshine. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Barney, I really don't think this is gonna help. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"Do you know why you're not over Lily yet? It's 'cause you can still picture her naked. You can't get over a woman until you can no longer picture her boobs. It's a scientific fact. The average male brain can only store a finite number of boob images, or BPEGs and your hard drive's filled to capacity with Lily's. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"There are a lot of them. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"They won't go away until you overwrite them with images of other women's boobs. Now, this journey may take as many as a million boobs so we begin here tonight my friend. Two at the time. Those count as four. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Yeah, this is fun, right? We're outside, it's a beautiful day. The Indians are winning! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"I gotta admit, it is really nice to be outside. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Oh, no. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"It's all a big lie! She's just gonna break your heart! (Men drag Marshall out of the stadium) You can drag me outta here, but she has no soul! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"We've tried everything. Baseball, strippers. The guy still won't eat a damn pancake. I think he's beyond repair. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"See, this is the problem with guys, you don't know how to deal with heartbreak. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"So what's your prescription, Dr Oestrogen? Eat Häagen-Dazs and Watch Love actually until your periods sync up? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"Yeah, that's the stuff. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Oh my God! How long have you been doing this? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"My Dad taught me to sh**t when I was a kid. Now, whenever I'm feeling lonely or depressed, I come here and it reminds me that... g*n are fun! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Um, you know, Ted is kinda against g*n. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"(turning to Marshall, her g*n still in her hand) " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Only hell, yes. Oh yeah, yeah. This is what I needed. I felt so powerless this whole time but this... This is power, this is... " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"I should have mention the recoil. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"I'll hand it to you. When he got home, Marshall was smiling. Did you sleep with him? 'Cause I was actually like three days away from suggesting that. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"Sometimes, all you need is to get in touch with your feminine side. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Well, congratulations. You're the first person to cheer him up all summer. You win. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"Oh! What do I win? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"I'll tell what you win. I'm taking you away this weekend. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"You are? That's so nice! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"My aunt and uncle have a beach house at Montauk. It's really romantic. My uncle had, like, three affairs there. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"Wow, it must be a nice house. I saw pictures of your uncle. This is so great. We'll finally get some time alone. Are you sure Marshall is gonna be OK with this? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Yeah sure. Absolutely. Dude, I'm doing much better. In fact, take my car. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Really? Hey, thanks. And hey, if you need anything, day or night, just call me. You know what? Please don't call me. What? What's wrong? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"It's Lily's credit card bill. She must have forgotten to switch her address. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"So? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"I wonder what kind of charges she's making out there. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"No, no. No good can come from looking at this. You've made too much progress already. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"I know, but I just... " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"August 5, one charge - tickets. To what? George Clinton and the P-Funk All Stars. August 10, one charge, Tennis Emporium. August 18, two charges. Mario's bistro and - get this - Pet Palace. You guys see what it means right? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Lily,"Wow, Mario's bistro. What a perfect place to whore around. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Lily,"Oh funk legend George Clinton, I am so glad you spotted me at your concert an drag me on stage to dance with you Courteney Cox style. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Lily,"Oh you know, Marshall tried to get me to play tennis for nine years but I didn't do it because I never truly loved him. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Lily,"Oh! A ferret. I'll buy it some food next door at the Pet Palace. I've always wanted one, but Marshall have this secret phobia of ferrets. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Lily,"It was! Oh, I love you funk legend George Clinton " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"Yeah. Why are you afraid of ferrets, they are adorable " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Because, Robin, they are like fuzzy tube-shaped rats. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"Those charges are from a month ago. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Exactly! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"For new charges, you have to go to her online account. You can see credit card activity from like two hours ago. But... You know... Don't... " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Why do you talk? Why do you talk? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"He needs her password. Its not like he has her password. Ooh, he has her password. This is... He has her password. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"There is a charge from earlier today. The Kellet Hotel, on Fifth. I don't believe this. Lily is back in New-York. (...) I can't believe this. Lily's in New-York? I guess I'd been thinking when she got back she's call me. That's the only reason I've been able to hold it together so far this summer. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"(to Ted) " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"OK, you know what? I'm calling her. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"No! You're not calling her. This changes nothing. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"You want me to baby-sit him? 20 bucks. An hour. And money for pizza. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Um yeah. How about you do it for free or every time we hang out you have to watch this. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"OK, I'll do it! Stop being a couple. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"Marshall! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Marshall! Marshall! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Ted, I know I shouldn't do this but I have to " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Everything we've worked so hard for...! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Hello, Lily Aldrin's room please. Thank you. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Hang up now! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Ted, I can't hang up now. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Hang up now! Hang up now! Hang up now! Hang up! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Hello?! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"No! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Dude, you can't... " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"I have to go down there and I have to tell her I love her. I have to beg to take me back even if I have to tell on my knees. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"Marshall, you can't do that! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Really? Why not? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Because you're pathetic! I'm sorry. But right now, you are not Marshall. You are the miserable, whining, shampoo-sniffing ghost of Marshall and frankly, a guy like you doesn't have a sh*t in hell with a girl like Lily. You know who might have a sh*t somewhere down the line? Marshall. The real Marshall. But if you go down there now like this, you'll blow it for him and he's never gonna forgive you. Of course, whatever I say, you just will do the opposite so, have a great weekend, good luck screwing up your life. Come on, Robin... Is it still OK if we borrow the car? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"Bold. Bold to go for the car. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"What? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"I didn't say a thing. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"You think I was too hard on him. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"I didn't say a thing. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"I can't believe you're accusing me to be too hard on him. You're the one who said tough love. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"Yeah, tough love, not hand the guy a noose. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Oh, but it's OK to hand him a 9 mm? Yeah. He told me. So you're a g*n nut? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"No, I'm a g*n enthusiast. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Do you know how many people are k*ll... " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"The Second Amendment protects my right to bear arms... " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Alright, alright. I was too hard on him. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"A little. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"I'm gonna call Barney, see how they're doing. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"Barney. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Uh, hey. Where are you guys? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"We're at a fundraiser helping young women raise money for college. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Strip-club. Nice. Is Marshall OK? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"Yeah, he's here and he's great. Hang on. Marshall, tell Ted... Uh-oh. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"What? What uh-oh? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"He's gone. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"You lost him? I can't believe it! He's gonna go down to that hotel. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Barney,"Crap, you're right. OK, here is the plan. Here is the plan. You go down to the hotel and find him. I'll stay here and get a lap dance. Bye Ted! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Barney! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"Is there a hot tube at your uncle's place? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"A really nice one. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Hi. Uh, could you tell me what room Lily Aldrin's in? Thanks. Marshall! " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Hey. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"What happened? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Well, I went up to Lily's floor... " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,":...and I had this little speech in my head. Everything I've been wanting to say to her all summer about love, loyalty, respect. I knocked on the door. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"You knocked out Lily's new boyfriend? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Yeah. It wasn't Lily's boyfriend. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"What? Who was he? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Lily,"Oh, this is so embarrassing. I could've sworn I have some change. I know, I know, I'm sorry. Oh, here we go. No that's, that's a button... It was a button. Do you take credit cards? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"So Lily is not back in town and she doesn't have a boyfriend. That's good news, right? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Yeah. I don't know. Those credit card charges were the only remaining connection I had to her. I don't know where she is or what she's doing. She was my whole life man and now she's... She's gone. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"You know, first day at college, I showed up, I was so freaked out and I got up to my room and there was my roommate, lying on the bed with his feet up on the wall. He had headphones on, a big smile on his face like he just didn't give a crap. Happy. Confident. Not afraid of anything. That guy was you. You before you met Lily. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"Ted. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Yeah. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"I was high that day. I was. I was so high I thought you were the dean. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"What I'm saying is, there's a version of you without Lily and... It's not this. You can't let Lily stole your identity the way that guy stole hers. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"OK.OK! Resolved. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to start being OK. Cheers. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Cheers. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Robin,"Ted. Ted you should see this. " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Ted,"Oh, what now? Marshall? What are you doing? " 2x01 - Where Were We?,Marshall,"It's Sunday. It's pancakes day. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"No way! March does not have 31 days. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Yes, it does! Everyone knows that. It's like general knowledge. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"General knowledge. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Isn't it sad? I mean in 2007, some countries actually still condone corporal punishment. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Corporal punishment. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Oh, man, I got a kernel stuck in my teeth. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Colonel stuck-in-my-teeth. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"But after the first year,I get a major pay raise. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"So then this hot intern leans over my desk, I can totally see she has a pierced... " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"I gotta go. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"I'm gonna go pay. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Peeing. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"I'm gonna help marshall pay. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"I'm gonna help lily pee. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"All right,we have a turkey. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Yeah, we do. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Isn't this exciting? Our first Thanksgiving together as a group. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Yeah, this is gonna be the best Slapsgiving ever. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"What? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"I said this is going to be the best Thanksgiving ever. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"yeah, this is going to be great. Just the five of us, right? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Oh, uh, that reminds me, I invited Bob. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Bob? You've been on, like, three dates with that guy. We haven't even met him. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Well, he didn't have anywhere else to go, and I didn't know what to say. Is it really that big a deal? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Yes. This is our first Thanksgiving. 30 years from now, we're going to look at the photos and say, ""Oh, there's the four people I love most in the world... and Bob."" " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"I'm sorry,sometimes I forget how seriously you guys take American Thanksgiving. Real thanksgiving happened over a month ago. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"I'm sorry. Did you just say Canadian Thanksgiving was and I'm quoting,""the real Thanksgiving""? What do Canadians even have to celebrate about? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Canadian Thanksgiving celebrates explorer martin frobisher's valiant yet ultimately unsuccessful attempt to find the northwest passage. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Why are you guys even a country? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Oh, hey, by the way, if anyone wants to come over early thursday, we can watch the Slapsgiving day parade. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Well, there, you said it again. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Said what? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Slapsgiving. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Oh, I guess I did. You know why? I've invented a new holidaySlapsgiving. It's the one day we set aside each year to gather together and give slaps. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,", " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"slapcountdown.com. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"no. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"No, no. The countdown ends at 3:00 p.m., the day after Thanksgiving. I counted it out. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"How many days are in october? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Uh, thirty. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Dude, I thought we cleared this up last year. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,", " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Is also tomorrow. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Damn it! " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Wait, you're gonna slap me on Thanksgiving? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Slapsgiving. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"That's not allowed. Lily, you're the slap bet commissioner, is that allowed? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"The hostess in me who's using her wedding china for the first time wants to say hell, no, but yeah, I 'm going to allow it. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Well, you know what? If you're trying to freak me out about spending Thanksgiving... " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Slapsgiving. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,":...at your place, then you failed. Truth is, I'm not scared. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Right. Cause you blew it. The worst part about getting slapped is not knowing when it's going to happen. But now I know exactly when I'm gonna get slapped. So, you took all the suspense out. You showed your hand. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"And thursday at 3:01 p.m., your face is going to show my hand. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Oh, there's Bob! By the way, heads up, he's a little bit older than us. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"How old is he? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"He's forty-one. Hey, bob! Over here! " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Hi. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Hey, man, how are you? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Parents? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Let's go get a drink. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Unbelievable. Robin is dating Orville Redenbacher. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"What are you talking about? He's forty-one.he looks great. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Yeah, du he's in pretty good shape. He could probably kick your ass. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"How are you guys not seeing this? He's 150; Robin's 27. Barney, come on,what do you got? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Nothing but respect for that man. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Oh, by the way, we're all baking pies at robin's tomorrow. Marshall can't be trusted in the apartment with pies overnight. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"For the millionth time, sleep-eating is a very serious and delicious medical condition. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Hey, uh, what time are you guys going to robin's? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"7:30. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Perfect. Just to be safe, I'll get there like 8:00, 8:30. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Sorry I'm late. Where are Marshall and Lily? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Uh, they just called. They're both super swamped preparing for tomorrow. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Is Bob coming? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"No, he went to see green day. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"So it's... " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,":...just the two of us. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Making pies. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Pies. They're things that friends make together. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Yeah, they do. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Great. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Yeah. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Great. Well, this is great. It'll give us a chance to catch up. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Yeah. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"I'm going to make a phone call. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Yeah, I'll be there, absolutely. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Oh, awesome, you're a lifesaver. It's still kind of weird being alone with Robin, but if you were here... " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Hey, say no more. I mean, when I pulled you out of that burning wreckage, I wasn't doing it to have a battleship named after me. But if you insist, yes, I'll be there for the christening. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"You're hitting on someone right now, aren't you? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"No, I'm not going to wear the medal of honor. That would just be tacky. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"So you're not coming to make pies. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"No, no. Thank you, mr. President. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Oh, marshall, are you working on the cranberry sauce? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"In a minute, baby. I've only got so many hands. You see what I got going on here? They're turkeys, but they're also hands, because later, we're going to eat turkey... and then i'm going to slap you in your face. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Please, you took out all the suspense. In a horror movie, the k*ll does not grab a bullhorn and announce, ""Attention unsupervised teens here at the lake houseat precisely 3:00 a.m., I'm gonna jump out of that closet right there and hack you all up with a machete. P.S. fire is my one weakness."" " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Hey, ted. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Hey, happy Thanksgiving. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"You, too. Is lily in the kitchen? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"yep. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Great. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Marshall? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Lily? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Something really weird happened last night. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"What do you mean something weird happened last night? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"You may not realize this, but since we broke up, Robin and I have never really been alone together. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"So we're in the kitchen, starting on the pies, and we realize, we don't have a damn thing to say to each other. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"I mean, you can't talk about how close you used to be. You can't talk about how close you're not now. You just feel like everything you say is gonna make things worse. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Exactly. And you know why? Because you don't want to hurt someone you really care about, especially around the holidays. I mean, what decent human being would want to cause any kind of emotional or physical pain... " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"You're still getting slapped. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"I wanted to leave, but i couldn't stick her with making all the pies by herself. She was exhausted. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"I yawned like a million times trying to get him to leave. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Yeah, some people just can't take a hint. By the way, I'm really swamped in here. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"I kept looking at the clock and sighing... totally clueless. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Uh-huh. I'm not sure I have time to mash those potatoes, you're standing right next to. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"And then Ted does the thing that he always does when there's an awkward silence. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Yep. masher's right there, next to the pot. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"He panics and says the first thing that pops into his head. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Hey, did you know that the first pies in recorded history came from Ancient Egypt? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Remember last year's Thanksgiving, when we had sex seven times? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Ooh. terrible. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"What?! I thought it would break the ice. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"I'd already broken the ice with my cool pie fact. then he makes it ten times more awkward. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"How do you respond to something like that? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Did you know that the egyptian pyramids can be seen from space? Probably? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Ooh, the oven's pre-heated! " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Okay, um... the pecan pie is gonna take the longest. Why don't we put that one in first? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Pecan pie? Why are we making that? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Um, it's my favorite. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"You're allergic. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"I know. I just like smelling it. It's like eating with your nose. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"So we're making a pie for Bob. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Yeah. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"She's got you making pies for this guy? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Yeah. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"That is a real slap in the face. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"You know, you could have just told me it was for Bob. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Yeah, I-I just thought it might upset you. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Upset me? Wait a second. Do you think that......Do you think that I'm jealous of Bob? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"I don't know. Is it so ridiculous to think that you might be? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Yes. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Why? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Because he's a thousand years old. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"No, Ted! What are you doing? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Right? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"The only reason I'm jealous of Bob is that we can only talk about the first Thanksgiving, " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Come on. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"The only reason I'm jealous of Bob is because I heard noah gave him g*n in the ark. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Ted... " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"The only reason I'm jealous of Bob is that I'm just an architect, but he discovered fire. How do you top that? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"He's 41! Why are you bashing on him so hard? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"I'm not. I'm just joking around. That's what friends do. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"It's mean. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Well, how come we're all allowed to bust on barney when he dates some skanktron, but when you sleep with the crypt keeper's dad, I'm not allowed to say a word? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"First of all, Bob and I are not sleeping together. We're just dating. Secondly, have I said one word about the parade of dubious conquests you've been marching past me the last few months? One of whom got you a butterfly tattoo? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Hey, that is... " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"And if you and I are such good friends... why is baking a pie for Bob so weird? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Yeah, if you and i are such good friends, why couldn't you just tell me that's what we were doing? Okay, maybe we should talk about this later. I-I should get going. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Well, what are we doing? It's Thanksgiving. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"I don't know. I'm sorry. This is stupid. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"I'm sorry, too. Of course we're friends. I'm glad we're friends. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"me, too. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"You guys slept together last night? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"That is a terrible idea! " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Horrible idea. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Relapse five! That's where we high-five, then it's awkward for a little bit... and then we high-five again! " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"What the hell were you doing? Let's reviewyou and Ted broke up six months ago. You're dating another man... " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"You are correct, Sir. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,":...who's coming to my thanksgiving today... " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"That is a truth-fact. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,":...an event Ted is also attending. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"kablammo. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Why are you trying to destroy American Thanksgiving?! " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Oh, Lily, it's not as bad as it sounds. Bob and I aren't that serious, and what happened last night with Ted was a fluke. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Well, did you guys at least talk about it? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,":There's office material... " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"I hear something burning... " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Clearly, we need to ignore this. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Clearly, we need to talk about this. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"You know? to save the friendship. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"We need to talk. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Stuffed mushroom? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"We need to talk about last night. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Did you know that some mushrooms are carnivorous? Probably... not? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Ted, can we please just deal with this? Look, I'm not mad. I just think... " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Wait, wait, wait, wait. why would you be mad... you started it? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"What?! you're crazy! " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"We called a truce, we hugged, and when I tried to pull away, you kept your hand on my neck. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Only because your hand was still around my waist. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Oh, come on! You leaned into it. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"I... leaned into it? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Yeah. You're like the crappy kid in little league who knows he's not going to make contact, so he just...""Oops, I got hit by the pitch. Better take my base."" " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Oh, that was you in little league, wasn't it? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"My on-base percentage was off the charts! " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Oh, no! The slap-petizers. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"You know what? That's it! This is Thanksgiving. Solve this right now. And if you have sex again, neither of you gets dessert! Oh, what the hell kind of Thanksgiving is this anyway? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Um, most Thanksgivings. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Don't stress, baby. I'll try to find us something relaxing. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Thanks, baby. Ooh, some classical music, maybe. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Oh, my! Look at that. That means we're in the final hour of the countdown. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"I'm not scared. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Then why is your right cheek twitching? It's not... maybe it's because future me slaps future you so hard, it reverberates back to the present, shattering the time-slap continuum. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Please don't slap me. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"I'm sorry, what? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Oh, God! don't slap me again! I don't want to get slapped again, and the first two times hurt so bad, I don't like it! I don't like it one bit! " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"I thought I ruined it by putting a clock on it, Barney? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Well, you didn't ruin it; you made it so much worse! I can't eat. I can't sleep. I've lost ten pounds; my suits are wearing me. You know what? I'm outta here. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Well, no, no, no. you can't leave. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Why can't I?! Nowhere in the rules does it say that I have to sit through sort of mental t*rture! You are allowed to slap my face, Sir, but you are not allowed to slap my mind! Good day! " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"But it's Slapsgiving. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"No! It's not! It's Thanksgiving! Our first one as a married couple, as grownups and you're not even trying to be a part of it! None of you are! So... as slap bet commissioner, I'm issuing a ruling. Thanksgiving is a day of peace. There will be no slaps today! " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"What?! " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Yes! In your face! Not my face... your face! " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Baby,please... -no! " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"The slap bet commissioner's word is final, so get in the kitchen and mash some potatoes, now. And for the rest of the day, we are going to enjoy a civilized, grownup holiday. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Look at us! We can't be alone together, can we? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Apparently not. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"What does that mean? We're supposed to be friends. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"We aren't friends, are we? Not really. We avoid each other. We smile politely. We're two people who pretend to be friends because it would be inconvenient not to. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Well, maybe we should stop pretending. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Maybe we should. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"So... what do we do now? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"I suppose... we eat dinner. And then that's it. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Okay. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Happy Thanksgiving. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Marshall, you're not eating. Did something spoil your slap-petite? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"No, i just thought...before we eat, maybe the chef would like to say a few words. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Nope. This sucks. Eat up and leave. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Well, then, I'd like to say something. If that's cool? Um... today, Lily did something great. Not only did she gather us all here together and cook a delicious meal, but she also started a new tradition. We're gonna do this again next year, and the year after that... maybe for the rest of our lives. I think that's pretty amazing if you think about it. And it's all thanks to you,Lily. I love you. So, to the first of many Thanksgivings together. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"Major buzz-k*ll. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Oh, no... " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"I thought we were done with that? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"I guess we're not. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"Guess we're not. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Hey, check it out! We're in the last 20 seconds of Marshall's countdown to nothing. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Barney, put it away. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"How does it feel, Marshall,to sit there, impotently... your large, flaccid hand,just dangling in the wind? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"Ooh, classy touch, dude. Too bad! " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Barney, put it away. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"I will in... five... " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"You can slap him. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Barney,"What?! Wait, you... " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"That's three! Thanks, baby, you're the best. And as a special, added bonus, I've composed a song just for this occasion. Ted, lights! (Marshall starts playing the piano and singing) " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Lily,"Well, guys have fun. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Ted,"This is gonna be majoy cleaner. " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Marshall,"Oh man, we're gonna be doing this all the time, now aren't we? " 3x09 - Slapsgiving,Robin,"That's the general idea. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," A hat? This is brilliant. I love it! Nothing better to say ""delicious"" as inside a cowboy hat. I tell you, I'm your man. I think being born to draw this building. I... I see. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," I see it. I see it. What is it good? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," All-Nighter? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," I told them I had a vision for this thing. They want a drawing in a week and I have nothing! " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," It's cute. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Cute? I can draw concert halls and bridges. Bridges so beautiful they could be in museums. And I could draw these museums. But I draw, what instead? Where is my career? A two-story Stetson... with a terrace on the edge. It's a cosmic joke. The universe conspires against me. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," Did you just need to get out. Take a walk. Pay yourself a bagel. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Yeah, that'll solve everything. I have not slept for 34 hours, but a bagel is the answer. Cinnamon and raisin bagel with some cream. It looks good. I'll buy one. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," Take an umbrella. It's going to rain, according Galoshes, our clown-weather. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Your show has a clown to present the weather? It's a bit nase, right? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," And this restaurant that you draw, what form it, Hoss? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Okay. You want to fire me from here, I go out. I look forward to seeing what the universe has prepared me. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," Eunice is itself these handbags. They are hand-embroidered silks at best. And each takes months to do. I can not say how long... Weather, fools! " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," On the other hand, I bought a big bag today. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Wait, why did you vomit? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," You want to know. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Come on. Tell me. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," I'm pregnant. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," I will raise this child with you. You're not alone. You can get married if you want, but I want to see other girls, it would be one of those marriages... " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," Stop! I'm not pregnant. This is an intoxication. I ate something at the restaurant, three hours later, I vomited like a fountain. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Where? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," This is a disgusting issue. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Where was your meal? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," I want to tell you. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," What? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," Someone has already put on YouTube? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," Yeah... someone. So... why did you vomit? You're pregnant? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," Yeah, I'm pregnant. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Why do you not tell me where you got your intoxication? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," You adore this place. If I tell you, it will ruin it. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," It makes sense. Do not say anything. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," This Indian restaurant where the cat jumps on the tables? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," I say nothing. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," The Spanish restaurant with the cradle? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," I say nothing. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Is it here? Tell me! " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," You really want to know? This is Schlegel's Bagels. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Why do you have told me? Schlegel's? Thank you! I'll have to find another New York place that serves bagels. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," The Bro's Life magazine. Page 83. Look. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," ""What does your paintball on your personality? "" " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," Lowest. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," ""The last 3 kilos: how the push to lose. "" " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," Highest. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Petra Petrova. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," The Girl of the Year in May, according to Bro's Life magazine. A delicate flower in stiletto heel leopard thong and riding a 4x4. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," These magazines are broken. It is certainly retouched. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," I have an appointment with. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," You are my hero! Really? How did you do? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," It's not in the story. I waited a long time to say that.This girl... is the daughter. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Of course it is. Marry them! It. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," Marrying? I have something even more special in mind. Petra, if all goes well, will be my... wait, my 200th! Can not wait. Too exciting. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," The 200th with that... get laid? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," Who I'll lie. I want the highest ""Tope there."" " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Even if I was wearing protective clothing. 200 is too much! " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," As if there could be too much of something wonderful.""Babe Ruth, gently, my grandfather. Do not hit too many home runs. Steve Guttenberg, you should not do that three Police Academy. America has laughed enough. "" " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Who are these girls? It was rhetorical. Show me the list. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," 199 satisfied customers. Finally, the big night is Thursday. I give a reception before, in McClaren's. Prepares a toast. Tuxedo optional but desired. Gifts are, I would say useless, but follow your heart. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," 200 is too much. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," It's not too much. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," That's too! " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Marshall," It's not too much. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," Thank you. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Marshall," Do not misunderstand. You're disgusting and the cops should put a shoe on your part, but this number should be higher. After Barney told me about that, I reviewed the figures and... I have some graphics. Barney dredge about 20 girls a week. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," It's more than 20. B. Does nothing more precise estimate. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Marshall," Let 20. So 20 girls a week, that's 1,040 girls a year.In its 16 years of sexual activity, it would mean that he has dredged 16,640 girls. If he has slept with 199, it's a success rate... slightly higher than one per cent. This is an average of 12 hits, eight times worse than average in career... launcher in one hand, the launcher... Jim Abbott. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," Jealous. Jealous. Hero. Strangely silent during this conversation on his number of sexual partners. Hero. The grand total, it is the only number that matters. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Who said so? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," Matthew Panning, the stud of Port Richmond College. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," You neither. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," You know what, Matthew? One day, I would have done with 200. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," And I'll call. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," I think he'll say it again very slowly. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," I will... the call. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," You have noted Gaby Allan dual, 78 and 162. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," What? Let me see. Sixty... Once. Oh, my God. Wait...I counted the same girl twice? That means I'm only at 198? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Marshall," It just means you're less than 0.5% was thought disgusting. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," I win a Czech supermodel in two hours. I can not waste it in the 199th. Petra must be the 200th. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," are you gonna do? You will find not a partner in the next 2 hours. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," Astronaut Millionaire. You come home to see shells? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," I come from the grave of my wife. I buried her there was just one year. I miss her. I need comfort. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," You're not as sick of all these games? I just want to settle down and have an army of toddlers at once. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," Marshall? Knowing how important it is for me, you think that Lily... I would do the job... " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Marshall," I'll k*ll you. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," Okay. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Where did Barney? It's been over an hour. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," You know, looking at the names on this list, I do not see a lot of ethnic diversity. It should really be questioned. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," It's done. 199 made of, more than one. Have you finished your drink? That's better. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," It has happened to you what? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," There... a girl in the gym. Pauline. She runs after me for a while. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Why wait till then? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," It's not really my type. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," Good, Pauline. You're going to have all of Fonte Leveuse Sarasota Classic this fall. I thought... to you and me.And if you're still interested... " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," Good grief! Mom! " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," Every inch tasted like roast beef and creatine. But I did. I did and I still have 30 minutes before meeting with Petra.Robin, you have the foundation? I want to cover bruises and razor burn. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," I hate to tell you this, but... " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," What? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," You did the right Gaby Allan counted 2 times, but...you're also spent 138 to 138. Have you used the same number twice. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," So that means... Pauline is not the 199th, it is the 200th? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Congratulations! " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," It must have Petra! Petra was to be the 200th!Beautiful, feminine, ""unrestrained power in bed"", Petra! " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Go! Happened to you at 200. You should be proud. You should be tested, but you should be proud. We do not care if Pauline does not pose in bikinis in magazines. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," It does. She will be in the next Muscle Sexxy. And like many women in this magazine, Sexxy has two X and one Y. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Marshall," Fran, I will not bother you, but I have a presentation tomorrow and it would help me if I could have tables and graphs. Can you help me? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Marshall," We'll have fun. I ranked the presidents in order of disloyalty. A: Johnson. Two: Bush. Three Harding.Four: Polk. This circle represents ""Those who break my heart."" And this circle represents ""Those who constantly undermine my confidence. ""And where they meet: Cecilia. This is a pie chart describing my favorite bars. And that is a graph describing my favorite pies. What is it? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Robin," That's enough tables. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," What about the graphics. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Any visual representation of data. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Marshall," I'm not stupid. I know what you think of my paintings and graphics. In fact, I made a picture of your reactions to my paintings. See it. Yes, that's true, since Cecilia, your interest in my paintings do not stop falling. But based on recent trends, I also... projection boards! And look... a large peak of interest is coming! And it's not just a blip dead cat. It is a long-term growth. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," It's you, sustained growth. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Marshall," So, I prepared some charts to show how the setting up of a shell company in Bermuda could minimize our losses in the second quarter. And you avoid jail. To begin with...Excuse me a moment? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Mosbius Designs. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Marshall," What happened to my pictures? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," They were thrown. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Marshall," What? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," That's an intervention. You could not stop eating, so we threw your cam. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Marshall," Come on, Ted! I need my pictures! Only for today and I promise to never ever do. I suffered a lot of pressure. I need my paintings, Jack! " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," You make tables work? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Marshall," It's for work, idiot! I make a great show and if I have not these pictures, I'm gonna get fired! " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Damn. Not move. I bring them. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Marshall," Magne! I will research how to wait. Sorry, there is a little late with the tables. But we'll begin in a moment. Fish are weird, right? I mean, what's their problem? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," I'm sorry, Milt? I think these are my paintings. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," This is my blanket. We'll see later. But I need these tables. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," Okay, how? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," I give you five dollars. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," No one will pay a million for these pictures! " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," OK, Milt, you won. I will give one million. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," The problem is that the distributor... " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Ted," The alien time machine has a withdrawal limit. That's what I'll do. I give you a dollar... per day... for a million days. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Marshall," Sorry, there is a star of earth? start. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," I slept with 200 women. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," You've thought of consulting as ""I win, you lose""?Suddenly, your 100 girls in fifth, it is so impressive. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," Of course. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," Of course. " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," Jealous? " "4x22 - Right Place, Right Time",Barney," I'm awesome. 200. Now what? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"So I threw the pressure air oxygen into its mouth. I sh**t the t*nk, boo, nomore shark. Mr. Hall and I swam back to shore. Hey,let me serve you a drink. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"So where were we? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Again? Really? Wait... " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Hey, excuse me. Did I sleep with you and then totally screw you over? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"What are you doing on Friday? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Stop! Amy? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Riiiggghhhttt!!! " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"A rainbow! That's beautiful! What a beautiful rainbow! Another rainbow? It's beautiful! " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"You're kidding me. Seriously, aren't you sick of these things? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"Hey, how was your day? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Today, I yelled at a little girl for painting a rainbow. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"A rainbow? Sounds like that bitch had it coming. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"So, uh, I just met with the contractor. and it turns out, that fixing the floors of the new apartment is going to cost a lot more than the estimate. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"But we can barely afford that to begin with. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"I hate to say this, but I think you're going to have to sell your stuff. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Whoa! Marshall, that's just a game we play in the bedroom. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"I mean your clothes. All those designer pieces and everything. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"What? Why just my clothes? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"We can sell my stuff, too, but I got to tell you, I think your Marc Jacobs cocktail dress is going to go for a lot more than my ""Split Happens"" bowling shirt. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"Dude. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"I'm not selling that. I've already made the Website. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"You made a Website? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Yeah, it's called ""Lily-and-Marshall-sell- their-stuff-dot-com."" " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"No, you know what would be a better name for the site? Guy-forces-his-wife- to-dress-in-a-garbage-bag- for-the-next- three-years-dot-com. That's real. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"I'm worried. That woman is actually wearing a-a garbage bag. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Hmm, but, girlfriend, you cannot pull off a tall kitchen. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Why are you trying to ruin my life? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"And? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"That's it? As far as I'm concerned, if I leave you safe on dry land with adequate transportation home, you've got nothing to complain about. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Oh, boo-hoo, poor little Ashley. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Abby. A few weeks ago, Ted dumped me as his wingman. You had a crush on him for a couple weeks? I was Ted's best friend for seven years. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Seven years! " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Ted. What an idiot. With his stupid ""meaningful relationship"" with Stella. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"I hate Ted more. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Probably not quite as much. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"I'm sorry I yelled out ""Abby."" " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Oh, cool. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"This is insane. Has Lily even worn half this stuff? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Robin,"Oh, yeah, like there's nothing in your closet you've never worn? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"As a matter of fact, no, there isn't. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Robin,"Whatever, red cowboy boots. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"Those are nice boots. I totally pull those off. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Hey, Lil, if I were to say ""Ted could never pull them off,"" What would I be talking about? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Robin,"His red cowboy boots. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"I totally pull them off! It's a classic Western look. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Oh, okay, uh, today's categoryclassic Westerns that involve red cowboy boots. Ooh, ooh! Robin. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Robin,"""The Good, the Bad, and the Fabulous."" " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"""The Magnificent Kevin."" " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"""No Country for Straight Men."" " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"I don't want to sell my clothes! " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Robin,"Oh, I know, sweetie. Come here. Is this a hundred percent silk? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Lily,listen, we really need the money. I have some leads on a job, but until then, I just... I don't know what else we can do. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"I'll sell my paintings! " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"What? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Yeah, I'll sell my paintings. Good oil paintings go for like, $500. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Yeah. Totally. But... " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"I love it. It's a masterpiece. That's it. We're selling the TV. I just want to come home and stare at this all day. Aw. Somebody call the cops! My wife stole an awesome painting from the museum! " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,":...that kind of money only goes for real paintings. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"What does that mean? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Look, it just, it just means that-that we need money right now and I'm not sure that selling your paintings is-is how we're going to get it. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"You don't believe in me. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"No, wait, wait! Of c... of course I believe in you! " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Marshall, I am proud of my work as an artist. My paintings are good. I bet Robin would buy one. What now? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"I love your painting, I just... I'm trying to be realistic. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Well, how much money do we need for the contractor to finish the job? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"About 1,500 bucks. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Okay. So, if I can sell three of my paintings at 500 bucks a pop, then I get to keep all my clothes. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Babe, we need money fast. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Well, give me a week. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Okay, a-a week. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Fine. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Fine. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"Pulling... Them... Off. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"You do? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"It's not for sale! My clothes are not for sale! " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"We've been sitting here for hours and nobody's even glanced at my painting. Come on. Let's start talking it up. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Robin,"Wow! I really like that painting! It's neat! The-the colors are neat. The-the shapes are neat. It's really just... neat. What? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"Observe. I think there's a dynamic quality to the brushwork that, combined with the fluid composition, creates an almost Kandinsky-like emotional resonance. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Robin,"Yes, and you can still enjoy it even if you're not a pretentious douche. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"Can you clarify something for me about your critique? Are the colors ""neat"" or are they more ""neato burrito?"" " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Robin,"Uh, then again, red cowboy boots. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"I pull these off! ( " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"What? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"You know what I hate most about Ted? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"How he's always like, ""Oh, I want to fall in love and have a relationship. I care about the people I have sex with."" He's so lame. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"You know what he needs? He needs to see just how horrible he is when he's in a relationship. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"I think so. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Painting for sale! $500! Lifelong dream hanging in the balance! It's like they don't even see us. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Oh, I'm trying to fix the hardwood floors in my new apartment. You? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Do you like heroin? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Thanks for your honesty, Crazy Sock Guy. Oh, I'm never gonna sell this... " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"500 bucks! Who's a real painter now, Marshall? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Honey, I never said you weren't a real painter. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Oh, I know, sweetie. And since I'm a professional artist now, I'm going to sketch you an Aldrin original, you know, to say thanks for being such a supportive husband. I'm thinking about calling it... ""Suck It!"" " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Lily, come on. I'm proud of you. Who-who bought it? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Well, that's the best part. A gay couple without kids. A G-CWOK! " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"You bagged a G-CWOK?! " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Yeah, that's right. They are the heart and soul of the art-buying community. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"You know what you should do? You should call up the G-CWOKs and offer them a free painting if they throw a private art party for all their G-CWOK friends. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"That's an amazing idea. I'm going to go call them. I can probably sell two more paintings with time to spare. Oh, wait, Marshall. There was something I had to tell you. What was it? Oh, that's right. Suck it. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Ted, fancy bumping into you here. Have you guys met my girlfriend Abby? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"Uh, yeah. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Hi, Abby. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"Hello, Abby. So, uh, s-so you guys are dating now? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"That's right. I am done with this whole being awesome thing. Now I'm all about farmers' markets and day hikes in matching khaki cargo shorts. Isn't that right, sweetie? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Abby and I are in love. Not hot passionate love. Couple love. You know, movie night with my girlfriend, then waiting for her to go to bed so I can steal one pitiful moment of hollow ecstasy by the cold, blue light of my computer monitor. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"You don't have to say it, though. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"Uh, okay, Barney, you can stop. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Stop what, Ted? Stop being in love? Next he'll ask us to stop breathing. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"Um, Barney, I, I see what you're doing. Please stop. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Not before I share with you what being in a relationship leads to, Ted. Abby, Pookie Bear... I am so pathetically desperate for you that... aw, heck, I'll just say it. Would you marry me? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"I would never joke about true love. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Okay. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"That's you. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"Uh, yeah, I don't think Abby knows you're kidding. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Uh, yes, she does. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Totally committed to the bit. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Yes, Lily Aldrin. I sold you the painting earlier today. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"You sound happy. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Well, I just wanted to offer you an exclusive chance to view some of my other paintings. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"What? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"So... y-you didn't like my painting? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Okay. Well, if you didn't want the painting, can I... can I at least get it back? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Where is it? I see. H-He threw out my painting. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"This is great. My dream of becoming an artist is dead, and now I'm watching my wardrobe disappear piece by piece. There goes my favorite dress. This dress meant a lot to me. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Robin,"Really? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Yeah. It was spring of 2004 and I had been having a hard few months. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"I got a two-syllable ""damn"" in this dress. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Robin,"A two-syllable ""damn."" That's the dream. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Yeah. Now she belongs to... CanadaGirl(a)MetroNewsOne.com. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Robin,"It's still in the family. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Lily, you're not going to believe this. Something amazing happened. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"What? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"I went to the G-CWOK's apartment. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Really? Why? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Because I felt guilty. This auction was my idea and now you've had to sit around all day while a bunch of vultures ruthlessly pick apart the carcass of your wardrobe. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Robin,"It's still in the family. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"And more importantly, I honestly love that painting and I couldn't stand to think of it in a trashcan someplace. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Well, what happened? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Hi, um... Lawrence. I-I'm here about the painting my wife Lily solyou-- the one in the nice frame. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Yeah, we get it. Gay guys like you. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"No, Lily, they love me, but that's not the important part. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"Here's the important part. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"Since you're clearly a man of impeccable taste and style, I-I came down here to ask youwhat do you think of the boots? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"I'll be in the cab. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Ted,"G-CWOK-approved. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"The painting! " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Right, so, um, they told me they threw it in the building's Dumpster. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"It wasn't in there, but the super told me that he'd seen one Dr. Greer-- a veterinarian who works in the building-- take the painting out of the trash. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Dr. Greer? Who's Dr. Greer a-and why did he take my painting? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"You're about to find out. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Ooh, we don't need the details. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Really? Dogs like my paintings? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Anyway, because your first painting worked so well, I convinced Dr. Greer to buy four more. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Really? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Mm-hmm, at $500 a piece. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"That's two grand. That's more than we need for the contractor. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Yeah, but I was actually thinking we could reinvest it. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"In what? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"In you. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"Well, it's not exactly the clientele I had in mind, but... thank you for believing in me. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Man, birds do not get you. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Hey, I think I left my tie here. Have you seen it? " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Yeah, that was a bit. We were doing a bit. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Abby, I've... I've got some bad news. I can't marry you. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Ted begged me not to. I think he's in love with you. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Yes, our plan worked better than we ever dreamed. You have to go to him. Here's his home address. But you know what? He works late, so I wouldn't go before 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Barney,"Oh, yeah, I wouldn't worry about that. That's made of candy. Later. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Hey, go to lilyandmarshallselltheirstuff.com or charityfolks.com. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Lily,"We're having an auction to rise money for the children's hospital of Los Angeles " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"You could get tons of cool stuff on the sell and they all use for great cause. " 3x19 - Everything Must Go,Marshall,"Thanks. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Van Smoot is available. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Oh, my God! " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"There was a cancellation two months from now. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"You want to have our wedding in two months? No. It's impossible. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"It's Van Smoot, Lily. It's the dream! " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"No, there's just not enough time. There's no way... Oh! Mini-vomit. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Okay, look, look, look. I know that it's sudden, but check it. If we don't take this, guess who's on their way with a deposit check. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Todd and Valerie? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"We got to make a decision. Todd and Valerie are in motion. Van Smoot! " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Oh! Kids, color! " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Come on, come on, come on. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Todd. Valerie. Stairs. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"I can't believe it. We got Van Smoot House. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"It is on. It is on! Like the former Soviet Republic of Azerbaijan. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"What? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"You're a wonder. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"Wow! You guys are getting married in two months. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"How are you going to get everything done? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Division of labor. Everyone's got a job to do, so listen up. Okay, Robin, you and Ted go to the florist. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"Was it...? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"It was your girlfriend. You might want to call her back. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Or, actually, Robin, why don't you go to the florist? And, Ted, I could use your keen architectural eye on... on the invitations. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Wow. That was really awkward, Lil. And still. It's still really awkward right now. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"Hey, what about me? What's my job? What do I get to do? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Okay, your job is very simple. At the wedding, do not sleep with anyone even remotely related to me. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"Lil, you know I can't promise that. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Shh! Shh! Look how cute she looks. All tuckered out. Hey, babe. Hey, little one. Hey, Lilypad. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Crap! Band! We forgot a band! It's just gonna be silence and then people chewing. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Shh! Shh! Baby, don't worry about it. I called The 88! " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Who? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"The 88. They're this awesome band. They played my law review party. They were found guilty. On three counts of rocking. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"I saw them two months ago at my cousin Bonzo's wedding, they were great. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"John ""Bonzo"" Bonham from Led Zeppelin? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"Yes, Lily, my cousin, the drummer from Led Zeppelin, who died in 1980, got married two months ago. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Look, I... I can't sign off on a band I've never even seen. We... we don't even know if they can play our song. They're... they're going to have to come over here and audition. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Baby, The 88 don't audition. They're, like, the Wiggles of wedding bands. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Well, then... I have to say no. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Baby, they're only holding the date until Monday. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Well... well, are they playing anywhere this weekend? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Let me check their Website. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"What? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"Lily, you're being a wee bit intense about this band thing. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Intense? I have a wedding to plan in nine weeks for 200 people. Even if a dinosaur should poke his head out of my butt and consume this coffee table, I need you to roll with it, okay? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"Wow. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"Guys! I just tasted an amazing caterer. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"We already have a caterer. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"Oh, right. You're getting married. You see what I did there? Took a... " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"It looks like The 88 are playing at a high school prom in New Jersey tomorrow. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"A prom? Can... can we go to that? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Yeah, we'll just call the high school, they'll let us stand in the back and watch. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Yeah. No, they won't. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Why not? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"'Cause it turns out we're not in high school. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"No sweat, we'll just sneak in. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"We're not sneaking in to a high school prom. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Yes, we are. It's the only way. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"You're getting on board with Barney's idea? Man, you really have snapped. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"It's nine weeks till the wedding. At this point, I'd say yes to just about anything. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"Well... " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"No, Barney. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"I'll go with you. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Really? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"Yeah. I never got to go to my prom. We always had field hockey nationals in the spring. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"Lesbian. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"The cough is supposed to cover the ""lesbian."" " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"No, I'm trying to start a thing where the cough is separate. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Do you think we look young enough to blend in at a high school? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"Please, I'm ageless, Scherbotsky just needs a good night's sleep, and you've got ""statutory"" written all over your body. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"Hey, why don't we all go? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"I don't know-- more people might be harder to sneak in. We don't want to mess things up for Lily. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"Yeah, you're right. Besides, Marshall and I have been planning on having a guy's night out before the wedding. Why don't we just make it tomorrow night? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Sounds awesome. We should go out and just get freakin' weird. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"Yeah. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"'Cause, you know, you be a bad, bad man, and I be an outlaw. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"Wow. Hey, Thelma, Louise, y'all don't drive off no cliffs now, ya hear? Lame! But seriously, leave me a message, and we'll meet up later. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"All right, what do you think? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"Horrible. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"You're gonna make such a great dad. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"You look so classy and nice. You're going to stick out like a sore thumb. Have you seen how the kids are dressing these days, with the Ashlee and the Lindsay and the Paris? They all dress like strippers. It's go ho or go home. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Well, we have to get in. I have to see this band, 'cause we have to make a decision by Monday, 'cause I'm getting married in 71 days, and we still don't have... " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"Shh. Sweetie, just focus on one thing at a time, okay? Right now, you just have to dress like a whore and that's it. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"All right. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"That's the spirit. Now, ladies, slut up! " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"I never thought this would be a bad thing, but my wardrobe just isn't slutty enough. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"I didn't know I still had this. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"What? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"The dress I wore to my actual prom. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Aw, you look great, too, Scooter. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Oh, disco! I am so happy for you. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Scooter, you're gonna be an umpire someday. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"Nice. You ladies look good, but your outfits are missing just one thing. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"No, Barney, this is as far as we're going to go. I'm not showing anymore... " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"Two beautiful flowers for two beautiful flowers. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Aw. Sweet. Thank you. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"Oh, Robin, are you tearing up? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"No. I've never been to prom before, okay? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"We got to go. See ya. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"Bye, have fun. See you. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"They grow up into skanks so fast, don't they, Ted? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"So, what, we ready for tonight? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Yeah. Just one thing we got to do first. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"sh*t of Jim Beam? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Yeah. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"Yes! " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"And then I promised Lily that we'd stuff 200 wedding invitations. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"What?! " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"I'm sorry, dude, but you saw how stressed out she is. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"Come on! You've been doing wedding stuff nonstop. Take a break. Once you're married, if we go out and you get so drunk you throw up, it'll be sad, but if we do it tonight... it'll be less sad. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Okay, it'll be cool-- I'll tell you what. We'll make a game out of it. First one to stuff a hundred invitations gets a big prize. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"Do I look like I'm four? All right, what kind of prize are we talking? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Wow, a lot more security than when we were kids. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"Is this gonna work? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Yeah. Look, when I was 17, I used to sneak into clubs all the time. It's all about confidence. Follow me. Whee-hoo! Happy prom, everybody. Going to prom-- whee-hoo! " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Okay, bye. Okay, look, I just need to see the band. I'm getting married in two months, and... " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"Hey, ho, hey! " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Wow. ""Ma'am?"" Check and mate. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"It's cool. Time to activate plan B. Scherbotsky, how comfortable are you with a crossbow? Scherbotsky? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"Hey, guys. Do you want to take two hot girls to prom? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"For free. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"Great. I'm Robin, this is my friend Lily. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Hi. Shall we? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"Oh, hey, wait. How's Barney getting in? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"Don't worry about me. I'll get in. Oh... I'll get in. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"We're in! " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Oh, you're kidding me. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"Yeah, what the hell? It's prom. That tastes like cough syrup. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"Nerds who aren't good at math? Life's going to be rough, boys. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Hi. Excuse me. I was wondering if you guys could play ""Good Feeling"" by the Violent Femmes. I know it's probably not in your repertoire, but I'm getting married and my fiancé wants to hire you guys as the band, but I can't sign off on it until I hear you play ""Good Feeling"" because that's our song, and what kind of wedding band would you be if you couldn't play our song, right? Right? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"My phlegm feels looser. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"This is pathetic. It's guys' night. We should be out in a bar getting in fights. If I got in a fight, would you have my back? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"You know it. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"I'd have your back, too. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"That's cool. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"What, you don't think you'd need my help? You don't know what I can do. I'm like... like a berserker. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Okay, Ted. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"Hey, it's Robin. Um, Lily needs you to download the sheet music for ""Good Feeling"" and bring it out here, like, now. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Hang on. It's Robin. She wants me to go to prom. Can Ted come? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"Wait! Don't ask! That's so lame! I don't even want to go anyway. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"Uh, I don't know. Things have been so weird between us. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"What'd she say? What'd she say? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"He lied and told me he broke up with his girlfriend to try to hook up with me. I mean, I know he apologized for it but it's just, it's not easy to forgive. Look, if you absolutely must bring Ted, it's, it's not like I'm going to claw my own eyes out if he comes. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Okay, bye. She totally wants you to come. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"All right, sheet music's on the way. Are you okay? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"There's just so much to do for this wedding. My head is swirling. It's just all moving too fast. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"I just... I just don't want everything in my life to be decided already. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Scooter, when I go off to college, that's the end for us. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"There's still so much I want to do. I want to travel, live overseas as an artist, maybe have a lesbian relationship. Plus, I think I was just dating you 'cause you look a little bit like Kurt Cobain. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Please don't put that kind of pressure on me! It's too much! " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"What? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"Well, we did promise them one dance. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Yeah, sure, okay. So Andrew, what's your big plan? What's life going to be like after tonight? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"No, you won't. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"No, you won't accomplish anything you set out to. You'll get a girlfriend the first day of college and you'll give up your independence and you'll never live abroad and you'll wind up old before your time wondering ""Whatever happened to my hopes and my dreams?"" " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"Oh, Sean, look, um, you're a nice guy, but I just don't... No, you're not getting lucky tonight. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"Okay. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"What's it to you, giant turtle? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Oh, hey. Where's Lily? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"She's in the bathroom. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Wait here, I should go talk to the band. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"All right. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"How did you guys get in here? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"We just snuck in the back. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"You just snu... Are you serious? I've been trying to get in here all night. I finally paid a janitor 200 bucks to let me borrow this mascot costume. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"But you got in. Slow and steady won the race. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Hey, bro, have you seen my fiancée Lily? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Listen, little buddy, I understand it's prom and the adrenaline's pumping, but... " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Whoa, whoa. Look, let's not get carried away. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"I can't believe I unloaded like that on a high school senior. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"I can't believe a high school senior unloaded like that on me. I'm going to ask you something and, um, maybe it's crazy 'cause you guys are the cutest couple ever. But, um, are you having second thoughts? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Yeah. But not about Marshall. About me. I just keep thinking about the girl I was ten years ago and wondering what happened to her. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"I don't want to be tied down. I want to live in France and Spain and Italy and just soak up life and put it on a canvas, even if it means being a waitress in crappy cafés for five years, I don't care. I'm going to be a painter. And I can't do any of that with a, with a boyfriend shackled around my neck, you know? But anyway, I'm blabbering. Way to make new friends, Lily. I'm sorry. What was your name again? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Nice to meet you, Marshall. Guess we're hallmates. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Yeah. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"It works. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Violent Femmes. I love this song. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Me, too. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"I didn't have any of the experiences I set out to. The travel, the bohemian art life, my big lesbian experience. I didn't do any of it. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"Lily, you're marrying your best friend in the world. I mean, isn't that worth all the other experiences combined? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Yeah. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"And look, you can still travel, I mean, you can still paint. And as far as your lesbian experience... Happy? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Yeah. So field hockey, huh? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"Shut up. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"Oh, come on-- you're the one who let in a kid with nunchakus. You call yourself security guards? I was just defending my boy here. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"I totally could have taken that kid. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"Uh, yeah, and I totally had your back, so... " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Well, I don't need it, but thanks. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"Uh, yeah, you did, and you're welcome. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"No, the kid was totally, like, a white belt and I'm gigantic. Listen, guys, I'm sorry. Please, I just need to get in there for one more song. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"You guys will thank me for this later, okay? Listen, Don, Ray, can't we all...? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"You know, for a turtle, he's surprisingly quick. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"So how was your first prom? " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"You tell me. I hated my dress, my date got wasted and puked on me, there was a huge fight and I kissed a girl. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"So, basically, it was a prom. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Robin,"Okay, I've missed you. Not in a we're-going-to-make-out way, not even in an I-forgive-you way. Just in a I've-missed-you way. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Ted,"I'll take what I can get. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Barney,"And that, my friends, is why you don't get your money's worth when you wear jeans to a strip club. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"So you got to admit, The 88 are rocking our song. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Yeah, it's good. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Marshall,"Band? Check. Two months, baby. Two months. " 1x20 - Best Prom Ever,Lily,"Two months. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"She ruined crossword day! I can't believe this. She singles me out by name. Calls me a ""fat cat."" Me and my ""fat-cat friends."" We're not fat cats. " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"Exactly. I say, Marshall, my good man, how's my bow tie? " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Impeccable, old bean. To industry! " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"Ah, bully! " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Look at us, huh? In tuxedos? Can you imagine if our college selves saw us like this? " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"They'd pelt us with their Phish bootlegs. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Yeah, we were pretty anti-establishment back then. Oh, God, remember Russell? " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Nice monkey suit, Russell. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Oh, I'm sorry, I can't hear you with that corporate noose around your neck. And don't even try showing up to the drum circle this weekend. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Oh, hey. You guys seen Russell? I'm supposed to drive him to his mom's funeral. " 6x08 - Natural History,Robin,"I wish I knew you guys back then. You know why? Because you can't kick a story in the nuts. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"Hey, we're still those people. One of these days, Marshall's going to quit his job and go to work for the NRDC, and save the world, right, baby? " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Absotively. But let's just remember, I mean, nobody's the same as they were in college. You know, it's like, I wear a suit to work every day. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"Well, yeah, but you wear it ironically, like Ted's fanny pack. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Next time we go to Great Adventure, you're carrying your own sunblock. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"Ooh! I love this exhibit. One time when I was a kid, this room was closed for cleaning, so I snuck under the rope. " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"Wow, that's pretty cool. When I was a kid, I knocked down the blue whale. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Okay, the giant blue whale hanging from the ceiling? " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"I was six. My uncle Jerry brought me here for the day. He said, ""Don't touch anything"". To a kid. That's like someone telling us ""Don't look at that girl's perky and impossibly symmetrical knockers."" " 6x08 - Natural History,Robin,"Not bad. " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"So, naturally, I snapped the rib off a triceratops, blahbity-blahbity-blue, I knocked down the whale. I'm surprised security didn't stop me on the way in. " 6x08 - Natural History,Robin,"Well, I'm sure they don't remember. I mean, it's been like 30 years since that completely made-up story didn't happen. " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"It happened. And these people don't forget. This is not the Natural Stuff That Happened No More Than Five Minutes Ago Museum. Huh? " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"The Captain? " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"The Captain? " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"Ahoy. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Ahoy, The Captain. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Thank you, The Captain. " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"Challenge accepted. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"Wow. ""The future of Goliath National Bank""? " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"I know, it's so, uh... You know, I totally forgot to tell you, but, um, the other day, Arthur offered me a five-year contract. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"Oh, well, don't turn him down here in public. I broke up with Scooter at the prom. Right before the picture, too. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"So whatever you do, don't tell him here tonight, 'cause... " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"I think I'm going to say yes. " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"Ah, that's the stuff. " 6x08 - Natural History,Robin,"I didn't realize you were small potatoes. And to be clear, I am referring to your testicles. " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"Impressive. Try this on for size. " 6x08 - Natural History,Robin,"You want to dance? Let's dance. " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"I live for the dance. " 6x08 - Natural History,Robin,"Get... your other hand... off my ass. " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"Sorry, sorry. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"What do you mean, you're going to say yes? " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"I-I want to keep working at GNB. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"But I thought that you... " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Guys, guys, guys? Architecture fun factIf you stand right here, and you whisper, a person all the way across the other end of the room hears it like you're standing right next to them. It's one of the most sophisticated pieces of acoustical design in the world. Watch. (whispers)Diarrhea. Right? Right? " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"But a five-year contract. I thought you hated GNB. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Look, I don't hate all of it. Tonight's fun. Take a look around. I mean, this is pretty high-class. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,", " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Zoey? Well, well, well. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"So, what are we protesting tonight? Rising cost of jet fuel? The government's oppressive top hat and monocle tax? " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Yeah, old stuff's great. " 6x08 - Natural History,Robin,"Mmm. Ah, this Scotch is good. How's your drink? " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"This is ridiculous. We are two grown adults standing among the greatest collection of natural artifacts in the Western hemisphere, and look at what we're doing. " 6x08 - Natural History,Robin,"You're right. " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"Want to go touch a bunch of stuff? " 6x08 - Natural History,Robin,"Yeah, I do. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"So, Captain. How'd you get that name, anyway? " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Well, pleased to meet you, Captain. I'm Galactic President Superstar McAwesomeville. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"The boat? There's a boat? You must tell me about this boat, Captain. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"She! " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Yes. The sea is all like, ""Ted, come hang out."" " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Man, I wish me and my dad were as close as you guys are. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"No, if I wanted to make it personal, I'd call you a bored little trophy wife who likes to play activist when the shops on 5th Avenue are closed. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Down where? To the yacht club? Oh! I would love to. W-w-wait. I'm half Jewish, will that be a problem? " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"So what about becoming an environmental lawyer? What about saving the world? " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,", " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"That was a great dream. But we have a mortgage, and we're trying to have kids. We're grown-ups now, Lily. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Wieners and gonads. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"What would College You say if he heard what you were saying right now? " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Honestly? Probably something pretentious, and pseudo-intellectual, like... " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Boogers. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"We all change, Lily. You know, you don't spell ""women"" with a ""Y"" anymore. And I'm okay with that. And you need to be okay with the fact that I may never become an environmental lawyer. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"So how long have you felt this way? " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Honestly? Since my first day at GNB. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Hershey squirts. " 6x08 - Natural History,Robin,"Hey. How do you like my date's tux? Ooh! Uh, a-thank you! Oh, none for him. He's stuffed. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Oh! Zoey! There you are. Oh, my God. You have a monocle. Is this real? Is this really happening? " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Good luck k*ll James Bond. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"I want my crossword day back. Okay? Go live your perfect little life, and leave me the hell alone. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Oh, please, what's your biggest problem? Having to sail back to the marina because the Captain's all out of white Zin? Oh. Great. Now you're crying. Like that's going to get my sympathy. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"You've known about this for two and a half years? So every time you've talked about wanting to be an environmental lawyer since then, that was a lie. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Technically, I never lied. You asked me questions, and I responded with made-up words. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"What? " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"So, you'll probably quit GNB in a couple years, right? " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Affirmatootly. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"And become an environmental lawyer? " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Yepskerdoodles. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"Hey, by the way, do you like this scarf? " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Posititochadochmecochepopocha. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Lawyered. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"Okay, that's also a made-up word. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Okay. Lily, what do you want from me? I want you to be the person I fell in love with. " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"Niled it. " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"Thank God you're here. She's been messing with the exhibits. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"He seems like a good guy. He wears those red pants. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"It's not crazy at all. I'm the same way. Look, Zoey, The Arcadian should be a landmark, it should. The lion head stonework is iconic. I hate that we have to tear it down. I hate working for GNB. They're a bunch of wieners and gonads. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"What? " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"You tricked me. " 6x08 - Natural History,Robin,"I'm sorry. Did you say someone knocked down the blue whale? " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"Oh, yeah, that story is legend... (phone ringing) Hold on....dary. And, um, would you happen to know what that young man's name was? " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"Thank you. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"She caught me on tape trashing GNB. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Really? You'd do that to your own wife? " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"No, you know what? Don't erase the tape. And for what it's worth, I don't think she's throwing temper tantrums. I just think she's, you know, standing up for what she believes in. I respect that. " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"Who's the master, Leroy? " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"Uh, no, uncle. Jerome Whittaker is my uncle. " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"Jerry's my uncle. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Lily? Honey, what's wrong? You okay? Do you want a hit of this sandwich? " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"I want you. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Awesome. Let me just put a sock on the doorknob. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,":No. I mean, I want you as opposed to who you've become. You've changed so much. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"What? How have I changed? Did I cheat on you? " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"No. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Did I stop writing poems for you? " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"Yes, but I'm okay with that. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Am I not as good at making the sweet, sweet love to you? " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"Actually, you're way better now. You last, like, two, three times as long. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"You said that any longer would be too much. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"It's okay. College Lily thinks those are orgasms. No, it's... it's none of that. It's just this new Marshall... Corporate Marshall... he wears suits all the time. He doesn't care about saving the world. He's not you. I want you back. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Well, you can't have me. Look at the sign. I'm extinct. I've gone the way of Jane's Addiction. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"Actually, Jane's Addiction got back together. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"They did? " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"Yeah, they've done a few tours, they put out a new album. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Are you serious?! That is awesome! Are they just as good? " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"Sure. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Look, I know that Corporate Marshall wears a tie and everything, but it sounds like he hasn't changed where it counts. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Hey. " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"Hi. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"Look, Lily, I know that you would have been okay if we were poor and I was trying to save the world, but will you still be okay if I make a lot of money and I spend all of it spoiling you and our kids? " 6x08 - Natural History,Lily,"We'll make it work. " 6x08 - Natural History,Marshall,"There he goes. The Marathon Man. Mr. Stamina himself. I can kiss better than that old man. " 6x08 - Natural History,Robin,"So when was the last time you saw him? " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"It was that day... July 23, 1981. My mom got pretty mad that he let me destroy a New York City landmark. " 6x08 - Natural History,Robin,"Moms. " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"He never came around anymore after that. Think he moved away. " 6x08 - Natural History,Robin,"Well, maybe the security guy had it wrong. You never know... " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"But you do know, you do know. That's the thing. You know. He's my dad. " 6x08 - Natural History,Robin,"Barney, do you want...? " 6x08 - Natural History,Barney,"I don't want to do anything. Don't tell anyone about this, okay? " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"I'm serious. It's a great look. I think it could come back, but one question. Does it cost half as much as glasses? " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Oh, I thought we were... " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"What? " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Thanks. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"You look gross when you cry, you know that? Some women look cute. You look like a basset hound. " 6x08 - Natural History,Ted,"Bring it on, Princess. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," Well... it's a bit early... but... of course, I might consider... I moved here, let me think. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," Yeah, that's what I was talking about me too. As I said, let me think. I agree. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," You said what? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," I thought about it. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," You think about it? You hardly know him. In addition, the guy is a draw with a job that is worthless. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," We have the same job, Barney. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," And we could not be more proud of you, my angel. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," It still seems fast. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," You're probably right. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," You should live with him. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," Really? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Yeah, you're happy with him, and i adore you as a roommate, I want you to do what is right for you. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," You wanna throw me out because of something with milk? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," It's super boring. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Robin?! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," No. I have a system. I put the empty brick in the fridge to remind us to buy milk. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Why not let the solid brick to remind us not to buy? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," All right. As a former... before you embark on anything, I'm meeting this guy. I think it's pretty weird not having yet met. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," Bluntly. It's as if someone was orchestrating things for this specific purpose. Okay, but you must promise to behave well. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," I promise. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," I'm doing this contortionist Portuguese, and I swear... it is so flexible, at a time, it was about me and beneath me. A top and a bottom! One and two! Which is empty? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," And it was Barney. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Actually, I'm not sure. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," I appreciate you, Don. Both, we love a good scotch, one likes my stories compelling. And we went out with Robin. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," The'm not, it's as if we had never been together. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," In short, the arms of the Erasmus student have dropped and there fell of my swing. Seriously, I have not found a girl who can do that from Robin. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," How was your weekend, or any other topic? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," Atrocious. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," Terrible. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," Twin beds? I can not sleep in separate beds. We should complain. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," Yeah, you're right, I'll ask for another room. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," Yeah, I'll go with you in just a second...... " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," You can come back later? It takes a nap. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," We spent 18 hours. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," We missed the full board. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," I lost 5 kg. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," It's odd that we all still be friends with Barney. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Trainer with an ex okay, two at a pinch. Shit, two is even better. Because strawberry... " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Wait, sorry. ""It? "" " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Wait, wait. You think I'm gay? Why you would assume that? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," Your teacher of calligraphy called... " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," And? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," Your ink arrived. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Yes. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," Ted is not... " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," But we still house boudoirs and hot dogs. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," Ted will not be much there. It follows Cher's tour. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Think again, Cher made some great concerts. But I'm not gay. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," Ted and Robin broke up there for years. This is not a problem. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," I'm so gay, eh, Donnie? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Thank you. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," It's just my friends. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," It should have separate beds. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," Yes, a mini fridge. And separate beds. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," a deal! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," Well, there you should also apologize. We said some pretty hurtful. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," That was after you to be part. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," Sorry for not having told the truth from the beginning. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Still not gay. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," It's great. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," I can not wait, buddy. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," Thank you. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," So long, guys. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," I have to get Robin. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Are you kidding? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," I do not know what it is, but I want to get Robin. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," I know what it is. You're like... a kid who threw his toys and wants them back as soon as another plays with. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," I had perhaps not done playing with. I just left to play with something else for a while. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," You ready. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," Ready for what? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," To read the letter. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Dear Ted future, never returns with Karen, because it is a pretentious snob. And she has deceived you. Sorry that you discover the way. You see? We laugh now. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Dear Ted future, stay away from Natalie. And girls who beat you to the ground for no reason, before a cheering crowd. PS... Check out a shrink to find out why it has you a little excited. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Dear genius relations, Stella has left you at the altar, you'll love me maybe more. And you will surely die alone. It's not so sad written in calligraphy. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," Hanging out with Robin was a huge mistake. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Write it. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," What? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Write yourself a letter. That way you will remember the reasons for the break when you miss. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," My pleasure. Dear Barney... the future... This ink is too cool. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Right? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," You... and Robin... " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney,"... a couple were atrocious. It did not work. You always love Robin, but remember the other women... And above all, the other breast, and all the cool stuff you do with breasts... Y to the head, juggle... squeaker squeaker... I'm a hopeless romantic.And there are drawings of breasts. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Get it? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," I understand. I really want it back. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," Humans are not made to share a bed. Sex and sleep are associated, but these are two different things. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," I know. I love you, but I want this new bed is a sanctuary of my sleep and my sleep only. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," Me too. And snacks, but that's all. You know what we should do? Buy a third bed to make love. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," A bed for sex. For hot sex and bestiality. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," Awesome. That way, each bed will have its uses. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," Right. There will be two beds for sleeping, one for sex, and I thought an ottoman for birthdays. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," Baby, you come to revolutionize modern marriage? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," And how. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," Don made sushi, it's cool, huh? He learned in Japan. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," It's too easy. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Be nice. You want it just because you can not have it. Like saying ""Sit wherever you want, except on that chair."" You will be so... " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," My chair! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," From spicy tuna? My favorite. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," Me too, man. More than you, certainly. Instance. Super spicy. I feel bad. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," You will not believe. Don also has twin beds. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," We just had. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," Wait. This ""super"" does not look great. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," But I bet you have no special bed sex. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," This pepper is an ice cube in my mouth. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," I would love. If I move. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," Don Tokyo... You ever do that... in Japan? Wasabi! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Great! Give her milk! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," spit, spit! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Well, I hope you're happy. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," I stay on my position. It was bold and romantic. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," You were emptied from the top and bottom. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," Come on. Did you do stupid stuff to impress Robin. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Yes, but not anymore, because I turned the page. Just like you. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," You have not turned the page. You want it as much as me, but you not admit it. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," That's ridiculous and I'll tell you why. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," For my biographer? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Concentrate on the letter, ok? At Ted, Robin is the ideal girl for you, but she will not engage. You need someone who wants to settle. So, until Robin is ready for this, it is not for you. I still remember stealing the blue French horn, our first kiss, her eyes when she told me she loved me. And shit. I want it back. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," I stole a blue french horn for her... I was with her for a year.I wanted her to be the mother of my children and spend eternity in his arms. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney,"... I want to sleep with her, at least one last time. She is mine! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," It's not for you! And it's not mine, either. It is... to Don. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," Okay. We must get rid of him. You know, metaphorically. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Of course. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," Or... literally. That's how it starts! I'm afraid, Teddy! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," We all talk! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," I'm worried. I do not want that divorce. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," This is Don. It's not us. Our new way to sleep is only going to get closer. Now, get out of my bed. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," We can at least get closer? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," Sure. You spoke of the beds. No, I'm not. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," Why? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," I love you more than anything, but you're worse than a kettle. I'm surprised that your pee breaks are not as steam. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," You're not perfect either. Between the food and ants. But... I still want to be with you. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," To hit me and slam me all night? I swear, as soon as you fall asleep, it looks like it push you arms. One would think sleeping with an Indian goddess. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," We're getting closer? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," You speak of beds yet? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," Nope. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," Come here. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," Robin Stinson! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Robin Mosby! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," Robin Stinson! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Ted Scherbatsky. I would take his name. I do not care. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," Okay, wait. What do you say to that? It is being shared?I take up to 40 years and after you can have it. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Who we laugh? It is with Don. We must accept it and move on. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," You're right. I go to you... I go to the bathroom. And then I'll break... " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," It's BarnExclussif. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," BarnExclussif, not quit. I have a double appeal. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," It's Teddy Bear. Want some honey? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," No. Ted, not quit. I'll remember. Ted is on the other line... and I think he has a problem. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," Ted calls you? Indeed, he has a problem. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," What's the matter? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," There's that you have beautiful hair. Front and back. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," We almost lose control. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," It's true. I'm going to leave before something regrettable. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," Robin, I love you! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Species of bastard! I brought the blue French horn! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," I brought the blue French horn! Ted has just given me.Sorry, I was there before you. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," I want you back! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," All right! Here we go! You, Me and Ted! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Something to three. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," You abandoned easily. Game, set and match! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," We won the fingers in the nose... " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Where's this great TV? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," Thank you. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," Good night, Dad. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," It was good. Well, you gotta go. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," What? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," I'm sorry. It was great and you're great. But, I must get up early, so... " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Lily," You throw me like that? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Marshall," You knew before you start. Wait. Forget your sweater. Nice try. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," The Teddy Bear, BarnExclussif. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," Dad? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," We get up, f*ck. You remember last night? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," Damn, Ted was torn. Embarrassing... " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," I'm sorry. It is both. We drank and we were stupid, but... We will do everything we can to ensure that Don is part of the group. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Robin," Don will not be part of the group. Neither do I. At least for a while. Guys... with Don, it works well. I want to see where it goes. And I could not do it if I continue to hang out with my ex. It will not. I moved in with Don. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," So what's going on with Robin? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," You were right, she was just angry. It's been four days and not talk to relocate. We must never repeat this kind of shit. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," I agree. In fact... I even wrote another letter. Dear Barney the future, you think you want to get Robin, thou wilt not true. Let her. Sincerely, Barney's past. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Let me see! " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," Give me that. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Ps... The top was for Ted. He believed? Fine. Pull yourself together with Robin, but say nothing to Ted because he will still go wrong. And there are still drawings of breasts. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Barney," In my defense, the breasts, is not it great? " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Too great. " 5x21 - Twin Beds,Ted," Robin?! " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," Gentlemen, I am a professor at this university and you are minor, so it is my duty to confiscate it, and that, and... the cooler?You know what, Boomer? You can keep it. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," And they will respond? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," Actually, it's really sexy. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," You go out with idiots cute? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," She wants to do a doctorate, she reads the philosophy for fun, she finished the crossword in the Sunday New York Times. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," Ted, I am happy for you. Sorry, not for you, not to be you. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," To summarize, I have a date tonight. Thank you, New York! I try not to screw up. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," What's going on? There are queuing outside the McLaren's. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Robin," Why it's almost that guys? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," Only two things can cause this turmoil. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," Ladies and gentlemen, the McLaren's hired a sexy barmaid. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," Look at all these guys. The sidewalk will feel the pee now. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Robin," We'd better find a new bar. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," What... are you crazy? It's a sexy barmaid. Do you know how long I've waited for me... My friends, I slept with many women in my glory days. Lawyers, professors, poets, doctors, professional riders, and animators... A butcher, a baker, a candle maker. Yes, we got to the part where it rhymes. A teacher, a restorative, an observer... A puppeteer, a croupier, a housewife, it is also a job, guys. A circuit court judge... " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Robin," Abbreviates! " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," I never, never slept with a barmaid sexy, until tonight. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Robin," It's not so sexy. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," Would you jealous of the attention? Imagined would be the sexiest girl in the bar? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Robin," No. Shut up! " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," Wish me luck. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," It will never happen. She will pretend to enjoy yourself in the same way she has mesmerized all these geniuses. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," Guess who will not fall under his spell? I will make him ""Do not try, baby. Papa needs a gin and tonic. ""And when she will, I recracherai saying"" Do it again. "" The dominant male where it should be: on top, and after a few minutes below. Why should I do anything? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Marshall," Guys, what's up? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," A new super sexy barmaid. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Robin," You see? Marshall does not think she's sexy. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," If he thinks. Do not bother to pretend that other women are not attractive just for my own good. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Marshall," I know, and if this woman was almost as sexy as mine, so I admit, but it is not the case. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," Baby, you're an angel, but compared to this woman, I am a big trash bag 3 days. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Marshall," I say what I see, and... I think until you're the most beautiful woman in the world. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," You see, it's really annoying. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," Amateurs. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," Do not even try, baby. Wait, what? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," Uh... " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," How are you? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," It's cute. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," Sorry, I should not play with the affairs of your roommate.She look like? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," What? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," Why? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," Look at me. I promise, I would not fall in love with your roommate. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," Now that you have been looking more closely, admit it: the bartender is the sexiest of the Bar. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Robin," The second sexiest. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Marshall," I repeat... " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," Baby, how can you not want you to do? I want to do it. If you do not wanna do it, sorry, but you must be gay. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Marshall," Yeah, I'm gay. Gay for you. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," No matter. You understand why I'm the only guy she does not know this bar? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Marshall," Yes... You will not like the answer. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," It's easy. I just have to stop wearing costumes. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Robin," Is that all? Come on, you're always in costume. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," True... But for these two... And, for that... Finally, for her... I'll stop wearing, wait... " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Robin," We know you're gonna say ""costumes"". " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," It's strange. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," It's weird. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," Look, I am defeated. I hate it. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," I do not know why. You're great. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," The costumes and complexed. I hate them. I hate them. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Robin," So, your date with Cindy? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," Well, last night, it was nice today, less. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," Why? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," It's not like if you followed my progress. It is not even in the same department. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," She exaggerates, there, right? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Robin," Well, Ted, she's right. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," And thoughtful. If the rules are so strict, you could put your work in. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Marshall," I think you should leave it, buddy. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," Okay, I start again. She exaggerates, there, right? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Marshall," Sorry for my delay. I was stuck at work. I had this presentation on taxes on dividends. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," Of course, I listened carefully when you spoke. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Marshall," So, I started the Powerpoint... Barney? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Marshall," We will order food. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," I arrive in a second. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," So young. You can not do anything else? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," It can... As an organ donor? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," But I... Do it. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," Sorry. I know. I know. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," We have the remains cremated. Its buttons have saved a sick jacket of the Upper East Side. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Robin," Finally, you can abandon the quest for so-called sexy barmaid. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," No. My costume gave his life for this cause, and I do not should rest before these two... Well, it... Finally,... Be it mine. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," There is absolutely right. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," Who, the guy who kisses an urn full of ashes costume. This guy? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," What if Cindy is the woman I am to marry, and I give up?Farewell, elegant but cozy house in Westchester, with a reasonable loan that I can pay without ruining me. Goodbye, the two children raised in a strict but loving hand, finding the perfect balance between the father and friend. Adios, triplets Schnauzers, Frank Lloyd Wright and. The fact is, I do not give up either! I do not know why I did that. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," It was Italian. Classic, elegant. And my God he knew how to deal with women. They could not say no. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," 7 years. I miss him so much! " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," Thank you, old friend. You go on a good sh*t. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," Admit it, she is sexier than me. It will not hurt me. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Marshall," I can not. You're sexier than she. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," That's a goddess! Her skin glows. Her legs are super long.And that ass? I do not mind having it, even on the head! That night, I admit, I thought about it a little more than once. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Marshall," What do you...? Kind, you think she is sexier than me? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," I never said that. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Marshall," You think so! " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," It's not comparable. She is younger than you. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Marshall," I'm just, like, me, my friend, against it, its old. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Robin," You two, the fact that it is not real sexy! She is sexy thanks to circumstances! Look. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Marshall," I guess you also think she is sexier than me. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Robin," What? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Robin," Carl, listening. No. I do not want to leave. Mercy, mercy, do not force me to leave. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Robin," I was someone there, behind! Everybody loved me. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," Can we talk? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," I know the law prohibits us from going out together. But he also says ""Do not teach in having drunk"" and I do it all the time.The fact is... I really appreciate you. You're cute, funny. You write a thesis which is entitled, Foreign direct investment and intergenerational ties of consumption behavior. It's too sexy! I know it sounds crazy, but... I feel that our paths are supposed to meet, and... I do not want to miss meeting you. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," I gotta tell you, just by looking at your room, I know we have much in common. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," The Unicorns? Who will cut our hair When We're Gone? I thought I was the only one with this album. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," And that? After World T.C Boyle? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," You should. It is really good. And that? It is the height. You play the bass? Seriously, ask my friends. I have always said that my perfect woman... does not play bass, because that is clearly that of your roommate. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," Damn, that's cool. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Ted," The group played shows your roommate or...? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," It was so special, you know? We should observe a minute of silence. Followed by about 20 minutes of grunting. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," Okay. Expected. No, this is not the bathroom. This is... " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," I'm the suit-sitting for someone. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," Costumes! " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Marshall," What would you say, against all your costume you were offered eternal youth? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," Costumes! " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Robin," What would you choose: a million girls and one three parts? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," Do we see. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily," And a world at peace would be within your reach? " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," I'll stop. These are the costumes. Stops just bullshit.Two, three, four! Girls come and depart, but the clothes remain constant! Each buddy dépote and rambling, it is no substitute!Sorry, my costumes, I give you my life. My Sunday clothes are my best friends! The casual clothes go in the basket because nothing goes better with the undisputed often praised, claiming to fame... a true... Expect more... Costume... " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Lily,"Ted, Marshall, Nothing suits her better... than... Costume.In costume! In costume! Costume...! " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," Mind you, it is rather barrel. I choose you you, baby. Tomorrow morning, I get rid of these costumes. " 5x12 - Girls Versus Suits,Barney," Yeah. I will do you nothing! " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," I love traveling. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," Hawaii is fun. A buddy of mine lives in Seattle. It's really not bad. But the best place? I must say, the moon. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," You're not convinced a girl that you were the first to walk on the moon? It was seven years before you were born. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," Ted, a blonde, it's easy. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," Our ship is passed through a hole spatiotemporal or gamma rays or something. I started to rejuvenate, blah, blah, blah. So you bump into one store yoghurt. It must be insane. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," But I worked at a yogurt shop in high school. And indeed, it was... insane. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," So, after 20 minutes, the eagle has landed. We fuse into space. Houston, we have a complainer. Other double entender related to space. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," Why are you lying all the time? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," I do not lie! We made love, I have pictures! " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," I hate my job. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," What? You had not interviewed the mayor? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," Mayor McWouaf. It teaches the children clean, dressed dog. Finally, it is supposed to. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," The table! There was a table... Back. were returned. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," Yeah, I understand. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," A single interview proper, it would be nice for a change. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," Okay, I look at my calendar, see when I'm available. But I want a list of questions in advance and nothing about my private life. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," Ted, you've nabbed seven peanuts in a row. Impressive but not enough to be published. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," You have nabbed seven in a row? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," seven in a row. But I speak not of it. I talk about my selection for the construction of a scale model of the Empire State Building for the greater recovery of the New York skyline in the world. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," That's the thing with which you played the other day? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," I was playing it. I was working. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," ""It's you. """" It's me. """" I saw you in the street. """" Are you Annie? """" Yes. "" " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," How long are you here? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," Ten seconds. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," Yeah, just the end. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Again? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," This is the pizza. Baby, you got the cash? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," You know, in fact, it was not me who should pay.Because I do not really like pizza. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," What!? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," It was literally across the country a hundred times for a pizza. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," I even caught a pizza in the shower. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," I'm not saying he loves pizza, but the last time he went, the doctor said, ""stop eating pizza. ""Marshall:"" Why? ""Doc:"" To you examine. "" But seriously, we laugh because we love you. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," I'm not saying he loves pizza, but the last time he went, the doctor said, ""stop eating pizza. """" Why? ""Doc:"" To you examine. "" But seriously, we laugh because we love you. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Okay, so I have no money on me... it's because... I was as*ault. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," You...? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," What? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," You can pay Arthur? I have the slab! How is your father, anyway? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," That's good. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," Did you get mugged? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," Who? He wore a black hat and beard of the day? He said ""Hands up! ""? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Yes, because I was as*ault in 1947 at the corner of Abbott and Costello. But no. I cut through Central Park back from work. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," It's good. It's good. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," It was downright terrifying. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," It was downright terrifying. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," What are you doing? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," I repeat. I will say that it happened to me to lie on compassion. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," It will not work. If? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," Not a bit. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," I authorize you to do. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," I do not think there's a g*n to my Marshmallow. Now, I tremble. I think I will not sleep all night. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," Oh, sweetie. I have a trick to help you sleep. Glue this under your pillow. You'll sleep like a f*cking baby. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," Robin puts it. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," It's going to hurt someone. There is the... security. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Okay, you know what? We'll all calm down. We do not need a g*n. I just want to forget what happened and continue to live my life. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," I just want to forget what happened and continue to live my life. It's great. But I think I'll add a tear. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Listen baby, I know it's scary, but look at me. I'm fine.You can put this behind us? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," It's gold! But I'd rather say 'put me behind you. "" " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," Baby, do not worry for me, I mean, yes, I'm a little scared, but I am New York. I will not let me change it. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," I changed! I like the w*apon now. Charger. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," Maybe there should be a pause.. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," I said, ""shipper"". " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," You wanna buy a g*n? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," No one who scares. A tiny Beretta pink that goes with these cute sandals I just bought. In fact, our new credit card works. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," You do not need a w*apon. All studies in the world come together to say that a home is safer with no w*apon, especially ours. You know how I ever hurt you unintentionally. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Pretty easy, huh? Dispatch, baby. The party will begin. You had to disguise yourself in sexy chat! " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," I have changed my mind. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Now, you want to add a w*apon in this equation? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," I know, you're right, but every time I close my eyes, I see this guy pointing a g*n at you. And... you're my world, Marshall. If something happened to you one day, I would... " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," I know. I know. Listen, I must confess something. This attack did not go exactly as I said. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," So it was indeed a black bonnet. J'l'avais said! " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," He wore no black cap. It is wearing nothing at all. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," Wait, so... " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," It's good. It's good. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," He as*ault you naked? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," I do not ask where he kept his w*apon. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," We're sure it was a w*apon? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," No, guys. I came home from work on foot. Through Central Park, and I stopped at the zoo. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," It's good. It's good. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," You're telling us... " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," What you got mugged... " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," For a monkey. I got mugged by a monkey. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," You've been mugged by a monkey? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Yeah, I got mugged by a monkey. I was embarrassed, so I invented another story. The important, Lily, you do not need a w*apon. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," Forget the w*apon. It is on that now. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," The monkeys attack people? It really is a jungle out. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," This monkey has our address. And if it belonged to a g*ng?I hope he will climb to see us. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," Why did not you asked the guard to recover your wallet? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Because I saw that the monkey did and I wanted more after. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," New information has been discovered on the attack on Marshall. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," Really? They caught him? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," He is behind bars. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," So, where did they find? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," I think naked in a tree, throwing his feces. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," I've seen. That's why I take the taxi. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," You know how they caught him, huh? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," They tracked. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," They tracked! " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," What's happening? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Okay. That's what happened. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," No, I said. This is my story. You see, the young Marshall was at the zoo, eating a banana... " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," I ate no banana! If you tell it, do it well. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," You're right. The banana was on the floor. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Was not... Was not banana banana. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," Marshall, I'm sorry, really. Here's what happened. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Do not sh**t. There was no banana! " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," Come on, Barney. I know that Marshall has not been mugged by a monkey. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," This part is right. It is not unusual, right? Thailand, China, Costa Rica, people are attacked by monkeys all the time.They are gatherers. Because of their dynamic inter-social, have a predisposition to flight, gives them a genetic advantage. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," You've been mugged by a monkey! " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," It might be curious. You were wearing a yellow hat? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," What? Him in your program? And my model? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," No one wants to see a guy who comes to play with dolls. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," First, it was not what you think. Secondly, you got a guy playing with dolls. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," So, your dolls are favorites of Rhinebeck prices next month. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," And you invited back for a second interview. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," Because the FBI wanted to be occupied while they searched his home. Come on, Marshall. I need history. It has everything. Crime, monkeys, no stupid model of the Empire State Building, which takes me all my living room and smelly glue everywhere. Go. Do this for me... As a friend? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," It would be nice to see you on TV. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Can you promise me to present it so that I am not ridiculous to myself as*ault by a monkey? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," You've been mugged by a monkey. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," I've just been mugged. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," What? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," That's what I said to the girl at the bar just now... " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," It was downright terrifying. I would just like to forget what happened and continue to live my life. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," Well, my name is not Neil. This is Bar... " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," Well, I can do. You see, I was on the road to the launch pad when I got mugged. And the aggressor... took my keys from the shuttle. Successful. Who wants to do something to 3? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," And it was the best thing in my life 3. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," Funny, you look like you just got two vodka and tonic in the face. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," You're the lemon in your hair. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," The story is better with my end... It's... Okay? So we were there, zero gravity. They wore helmets that astronauts... " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Really? Cool. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," Who knows someone who has been mugged by a monkey? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Nobody except the good people of Thailand, China, Costa Rica and many other countries where the crime committed by the monkeys is a common nuisance. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," The best is that it is possible that the story goes on national TV. Guys, this story of the monkey attacker can make me famous. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Me too. Guys, it will not. I can not do that. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," It's a little embarrassing. So what? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," That's not it. Guys... I'm not as*ault by a monkey. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," So, you've not been mugged by a monkey? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Not at all. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," So what you're saying is that you got the monkey trapped so you give him your wallet? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," No, that's not it. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," So you got the monkey attacked? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Guys, there was no monkey! He was a man with a g*n. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," You sure it was not a monkey on the shoulders of another monkey, wearing a trench coat? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," That would be the right size. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," I just invented this story that Lily does not buy a w*apon. In truth, it never happened. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," I can not believe. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," What? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," You heard me. You got attacked by a monkey. You want to go to the issuance of Robin because you're afraid of being ridiculous. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," I would not? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," If serious, this is too funny. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Well, this has never happened. And I can lie to you because you are my best friends. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," I, yes, but still. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," But I can not lie on national TV. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," You know a long time. He told the truth? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Ted, do not do that... " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," I could not say. It smells good. But I could not say. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," I still say that it happened. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," Maybe. But, Marshall, if you have not been attacked by a monkey, Robin must not speak on his show. It would be more credible. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," Journalists lie constantly. Sorry, but I believe that Jack Palance is dead when I see the body. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," It will perhaps shock you Barney, but people do not like lying to them. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," False! They like to discover that they lied. ""Because a lie is just a great story that has mixed with the truth."" Barney Stinson. Example, that Sarah gave me this! " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," You mean what you done to him. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," No, I mean what she did. In truth, I fear that history has not gone exactly as I said. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," Passed. Who wants to do something to 3? Lisa, wait. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," It's you Lisa? Sarah, wait. Listen. I'm Neil Armstrong.Sorry I lied. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," 31 years! I was happy, very happy, thinking that because I put a 28 year old daughter who has taken too much sun. People want to lie. Marshall, they need the lie, that's why, in my case, you've been mugged by a monkey. As far as I'm done with this plan 3. I am the best in the world! " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," You know it. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," Well done! I have too much sleep last night. Can you imagine that I almost buy a g*n? I'm glad you as*ault by a monkey. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," You got me. I was just nervous. I got mugged by a monkey. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," Yeah! I knew it. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," Now I think you're not really mugged by a monkey. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," Come on, Ted. Why he would invent something like that? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Come on, Ted. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," Come here. Seriously, what's your flavor? It's intoxicating. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," Do not be nervous. We will sit down... It's that thing, whore? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," I know. Looks like something covered by a sheet. If you want to discover, you will have to do a story on it. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," It's you who will be covered by the sheet if you leave your model not stupid. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," Dude, what do you do? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," I do not think Marshall will lie on TV. And when it gives up, I wanna be there for Robin, with a story. Or rather, 102 stories, because it is the height of a building in New York. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," Now I want a w*apon. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," The monkey is there. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," Surprise. We thought it would help to bring you to confront your abuser. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," I bet he will love it. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," The name of his companion is Milly? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," In your own words, describe what happened. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Well... I'd love to tell you what happened, Robin. But... I really want to know what's under that sheet. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," We talk about that. We speak your aggression. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," People are attacked every day in New York, Robin, do we often see what's under that sheet? You can sh**t it? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," We come back. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," What are you doing? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," I have not really been attacked by a monkey. I invented it for that Lily buys a g*n. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," You have not been attacked by a monkey? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," What are you talking, baby? Of course I do. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," Great, tell it to America. Five minutes. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Not five minutes. I have not been attacked by a monkey. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," It's good. I buy a g*n. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," No. I got mugged. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," No! I have not been mugged! " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," You know if it was attacked? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," I have no idea. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Lily," Tell us just what happened. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," Yes, tell us the truth. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Marshall," Okay! That is the truth. I go back... back to bed. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Robin," Shit. Okay, put a microphone. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," Micro and makeup in place. The socks of the arch duchess. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," It was not very satisfactory. When I tell that he was attacked by a monkey. And I keep the stuff of banana. It was good. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," Barney, stop lying. You can not put another end because the conclusion does not satisfy you. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," Really? Well, believe me, Mosby. One day you shall tell this story and you'll see things my way. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," I doubt it. " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Ted," It's really happening? " 5x19 - Zoo or False,Barney," Of course, Ted. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," Half the time the relationship. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," One week per month spent together. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," Just 10,000 glasses. No matter how long it takes. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," You can not measure something like that in a while. It is step by step. From his bed at the front door. Bam! You're outside. Next! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," Hi. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," For me it's Ted. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," I was left on the altar, there is one month. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," It was a complete disaster and since then I have not even managed to look at another woman. Except the old lady in the subway that makes break dancing. I look at it that way. I just watched. Finally, it is an old lady who made the break dance.And it is good. I will give him a dollar, the next time. Let's pretend I said it: These travel lift were asleep the moment of my week, and I would like to see you Friday night. In a lift. At the restaurant, nice. What do you think? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," Sorry guys. I'll just make a fruit cup. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," It's been 12 minutes! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," Put it! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," Ask your w*apon! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," You're who? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," What are you doing, Mitch? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," Robin did not use the super secret signal. We put the old menu on the handle. This restaurant had to close. Mr. Popol...No need to explain why it's funny. I'm off. When leaving, take the pillow with you. This is a waste now. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," I think I am more than qualified for the job. My weaknesses? I would say too caring, overworked, and I spend my career first. Oops! The latter is true. What? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," Apparently, our sweet, innocent, little Robin led a lover. A young skinny named Mitch. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," His thing arranged? A real disaster. She sent me text messages all night. She just let go to use the bathroom. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," Excuse me one minute. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," What action? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," ""The guy naked?"" " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," The bathroom is. You know what, I will respond. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," No chance it works! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," Two out of three? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," How do you know? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," I'd rather not. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," It does not work really. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," No December '. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," Two out of three. He assured me. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," Seriously. No chance it works on Robin. It will come, take a look at this idiot and send tampers. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," She'll beat him up, yes. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," It's going to take his g*n and sh**t him. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," My God! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," It worked. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," The business returns for Mr. Popol. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," ""The naked guy"" works! It will revolutionize the blows of an evening! It's like the forward pass in American football.Dunk the basketball. This stuff barber where they hold the wick and cut above. It changes everything! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," Barney, this guy has slept with Robin, you say that being in love. How it makes you excited? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," ""The naked guy"" is more important than me and Robin. All these years, I broke my ass, with my secret identity, my laps and my gadgets. I mean, I'm Batman. But this guy is Superman. He tears his clothes and go. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," What kind of gadgets you talking about? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," So, it's going to be, a roommate? I come home, and guys with whom you will go out sitting on the couch, naked. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," I can not tell you. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," I can not believe that ""The guy with hair 'market has on you. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," How do you say? I entered and he was naked. It was funny. I laughed, he laughed. And then it happened. I know not. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," I say ***** s! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," Sorry? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," Sorry Robin, but cate with this type suggests that all that separates you from sex, it's the clothes. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," I have not slept with Mitch because he was naked. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," So, why did you lie? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," Because... It... It... because I like Mitch. Much. There was a... connection specificity. Specificity and feelings. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," Because he was naked. Sorry, but I disagree. There is only one reason to sleep with someone, and it is ""love"".Marshall is a big girl because he believes in love and read ""And it was true"" because the secretaries were forced to join the Oprah book club. But you know I'm right. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," Marshall, I love you, but there are plenty of reasons to lie. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," Cite me one. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," I will quote 50. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," You could not. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," Number one: last Thursday. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," Marshall, you wanna do? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," I'm here. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," You have defiled the marital bed because you could not sleep? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," It was you who said, ""This shadow on the ceiling, it looks an awful clown toothless. Good night, Lily. "" " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," Okay! It makes one. But I dare you to... " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," I'll give you 50. There's sex reconciliation... breaking sex, and sex ""a friend told you about a new position."" " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," You're welcome. There is also ""revenge"", ""bounce back"", ""parachuting"". When you're traveling, but instead of going to the hotel, you'll live in a bar to find a girl to get a foothold. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," Oh, that, ""the kiss for a roof."" " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," ***** S! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," I do not. My roommate in college did. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," No, Robin, it's just a bad cough. I'm not really a bad cough. We all know that the ""roommate in college,"" it's you, ***** s! Nobody has a Strepsil? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," Oh, I have one. Sex ""bugger all on TV."" " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," The sex ""hotel room"". " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," ""Curiosity,"" style, ""Me have always wondered how to do this is with a great girl."" Big guy not a girl, just great. Like...if a normal girl was 2.10 m, 2.25 m high, and... wearing a mini denim skirt. I wonder how it is. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," Sex, ""He says he loves you, but do not want to say the same."" " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," 43. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," ""The co-pilot who jumps on the grenade to a friend."" " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," 44. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," ""Condoms will expire."" " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," 45. It gets a little tough. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," 46! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," Still 4. ""You make a crisp fall on his knees and the when you picked up, he thinks it is an approach, and it happens."" " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," Thanks for ruining the memory of the anniversary of our six months. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," You gave me some chips. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," You can stop with this stupid list? You make me sad. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," No, I have fun. But this thing of a ""partner"", it sucks sometimes. I always talk about you. I can not play ""I never,"" because everyone knows all the quirks that I let you do. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," The only oddity that I did was to open my heart and my soul when I had put me to hair when the room was empty. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," I have not slept with Mitch because he was naked!Mitch and I have something special. My fingers are crossed.That may be correct. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," The good? Mitch? The guy naked? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," You mean the naked genius. All this time I wore a suit when I should have removed it. That's it. I ""The guy naked,"" tonight. And you too. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," What? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," With the girl from the elevator. You're with her tonight?""Dude naked""! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," This is the first girl I had the courage to invite, from Stella. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," ""Dude naked""! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," This is the eighth place I try tonight! I cut my hair 3 times! I am out! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," You're makeup? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," It's not the makeup! It is a sun cream with a subtle shade of... It is for men. It's good, I want my eyes stand out. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," ""Dude naked""! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," No, Barney, I like Vicky. It could be serious. I want to do anything stupid to jeopardize that. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," I really like... this girl, but... I had not seen from behind. I really like... this girl. And I am willing to compromise our future for a night of glory. ""Dude naked""! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," I'm stuck. I find it the last 2. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," Reason 48: ""To reinforce good behavior, such as shaving or dental hygiene."" Now you conditioned me? Great!That's why I have an erection when I go floss. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," Thanks for letting me see your aquarium. You save my life. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," I just go to the bathroom and I'm off. Ted, I do. I ""The guy naked""! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," Me too! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," You... " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," I do. I ""The guy naked""! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," It's great! Why did you change your mind? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," The evening started well, but... not as good as I hoped. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," What, this old stuff? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," When I realized that there was no future in this relationship, I decided to do. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," Great! OK, the important question: What will your pose ""naked guy""? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," It's a good question. I have not really thought. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," I thought ""Superman."" " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," And the ""Captain Morgan""? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," And ""Oops, I did not have you seen?"" " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," The Thinker? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," And the Heisman? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," Mr. Clean? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," The ""Burt Reynolds"". " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," It's a pleasure to see you again. I really enjoyed it last night. So how does it feel to hold a Pizza Hut? Who had the idea to put a pineapple in the... " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," What? It's crazy. Usually, you see clearly in my game, but there you are mistaken. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," I have not hated. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," What? Of course I do! I did not sleep with you just because you were naked. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," What do you think of the good old ""Baby Cadum""? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," The Olympic gymnast successful landing. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," I gotta go. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," ""Dude naked""! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," It's nice home! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," Damn! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," Pablo Neruda. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," ""The naked guy"" works! I just sleep with a horrible person. I'm back! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," Congratulations, buddy. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," You're not the only one who provided e ""Dude-haired."" " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," You just want to do to change the subject. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," Hey, it's 49! It worked? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," As if I had just flossing. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," I love you. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," It's been 50. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," Pretty! What made you ask? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Lily," It's ""I have breasts."" " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," right on target. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," My God! Guys, guys! That's him! This is ""The guy naked""! " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," Ted, his name is Mitch. And... this is my boyfriend. So... " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," Okay, I'll treat you more ***** s. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Robin," Okay you can go. It's over. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," Wait, Mitch, I have to thank you. We all tried ""The guy naked,"" tonight. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," We should see what is Barney. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Marshall," Hi, Barney's there? " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," I take my costume. It is expensive. Just tie... " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," Call me. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," I want you to know tonight, as crazy as it was, took me out of my shell. " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Ted," A toast... Mitch. The sum of its parts makes him a man.But when it serves its parts, it becomes much more. It does not fit the definition of a hero, but he is the one I needed. The hero who helped me get over the disaster of the failure of my marriage and I was almost back in the saddle. He lives in the shadows. Is this a dream? The truth? A fiction? Damnation?Salvation? It is all that and also, no nothing. Because it is...""The guy with hair."" " 4x09 - The Naked Man,Barney," thank you God. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," Look. Three beautiful blondes drinking bad decision juice at 8am. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," Pretty radar chest. This is my wife. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," No, I must go. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," Seriously? They are blond and stuffed. This is not your type? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Maybe I did not like. My God, you think that the male spirit is really so simple, we all have a favorite type? Lord.Asian, big tits. I go to the bathroom, then I'm going. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," You noticed that Barney is weird lately? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," Actually, yes. You know, he never gives flowers to a girl, because living things remind babies? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," Yes. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," The other day I saw him in a flower shop on the 82nd, he bought roses. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," What? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," Now that you say, Barney did something weird yesterday at the office. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," OK, to Saturday. I was thinking of a brunch, and perhaps a hike. I love you too. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," I thought he was talking to a girl he just wanted to jump. Or Ted, but now I know more. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," You think it is possible that Barney Stinson has a girlfriend? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," A plus. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," Wait. Where are you going? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Nowhere. At the beach. It's winter. Laser Tag. At home. Shut up! It is you who are going somewhere. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," My God. He goes to see now. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," Where is Barney? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," Yeah. It is even more in Manhattan. Where does this girl? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," We talk about a woman that Barney Stinson has worked. I vote for Narnia. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," He stops. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," What are you doing here? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," Where is she? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Who? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," Your girlfriend. You did not really like, huh? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," These are my friends. Ted, Marshall, Lily and Robin.Guys, here is Loretta. My mother. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," You call your mother every day? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Mom! " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," So that's what we hide you? You did not want people to know that you're a momma's boy. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Yes, you got me. I guess you can leave. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," Hi. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Ted, Marshall, Lily, Robin. I present to you Betty... my wife. And my son, Tyler. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," She wants me to live long. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Me too. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Will in, little rascal! I'll see you at the bar? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," What's that, Barney? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," It's a long story. As you know, my father had to leave my mother when I was a baby because he became presenter of the Just Price. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," Very good program. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," Bob Barker is your father. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," She had to raise my brother and I, all alone. And his only wish was that his son did not end up alone like her. And there seven years, she fell ill. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," I do not think she was going to make. So I decided to fulfill his wish. Mom. This is Betty. We're engaged. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," I hired an actress to play my girlfriend ""Betty"". His real name is Margaret. It is mainly small theaters. Superb actress.In it a Moliere. I say no more. This is political. I should not talk about it. But there is a problem. Betty has a slight tendency to improvise. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," You see, Mom? I found someone who makes me happy. As you wished. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," And then my mother went better. It was miraculous.But I had to keep ""Betty"" and make a casting to find my son, Tyler. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," It's crazy. Did you actually cast your own son? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," For a while, it was enough to borrow / keep the baby from neighbors. And once at Christmas, my mother was drunk at the grog, I went out with a bag of flour and a Chucky mask.But eventually I had to audition. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," four, eight... thirteen, you stay. The other, you can leave. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Apparently I'm better actor than your son. Bring those from 11! " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," And that's how the role of Tyler went to... Grant. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," Come on, Grant looks pretty good. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Really? Look. Tyler? Tyler? Tyler? Grant? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," You see? This is amateur work. Believe me, the child stars had better possession in the 80s. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," It sounds like your mother kept your child's room as you had left. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," It's a huge Karate Kid poster above your bed. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Karate Kid's a great movie. This is the story of a young karate enthusiast whose dreams led him to Karate Championship All Star Valley. Unfortunately, he loses in the final against another loser. But he learned an important lesson in accepting his defeat. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," Wait. When you watch Karate Kid, you are the wicked little blonde? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," No, I'm for the other loser from New Jersey who barely knows karate. When I watch Karate Kid, I'm for real karate kid: Johnny Lawrence of Cobra Kai dojo. Do not get dumber than you are, Lily. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," I just remembered where I know you. I saw you play at the theater of disorientation, Die heilige Johanna der Schlachthöfe by Bertolt Brecht, last fall. You were a revelation! " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," Yes. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," Yes. Sorry. You got a Brechtophile before thee! " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," Mrs Theatre has won my heart once and has never left me. Every year at Christmas, I created a piece for parents with all the kids. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," Cut! Cut! Grandpa and Grandma will be there in half an hour, and you always skinned my words. I feel like I'm going to write, direct and play this thing. Give me your elf hat. Sit down. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," I always wanted to be an actor. It is this kind of dream that flies away with time. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," Really? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," You do not like playing the son of Barney? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," I know what it is. I am a presenter. But I had to accept a job on a morning show that starts at 4:30. I thought evolve much faster than that, you know? I'm almost 30 years. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," I have not had surgery. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," I can not believe that there has never met you. Who knew that Barney's mother was so great? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," Do not say that. I'm sure you were great. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," I'm sorry? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," Barney Mom? Loretta. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," You must tell the truth to your mother, OK? Listen, this is a nice woman, loving, a little too direct that deserves better. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," No, no question. The truth would k*ll her. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," I do not feel well to the idea of lying to a woman so warm, OK? It reminds me of my mother. What? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," Warm? Remember to marriage, I said we would be together forever? On our return down the aisle, your mother leaned over and said, ""Not forever, darling. Marshall will go to heaven. "" " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," She was joking. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," She hates me, Marshall. But that's okay, because...Forget. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," You're going to say what? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," Nothing. You want to go do it again in the bedroom of Barney? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," On the bed ""race car""? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," The handles are great. Listen, Lily, if you learned something today, is that honesty is important in a family.Whatever your feelings about my mother, we've been together for 12 years, baby. I think I can handle it. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," Really? I hate your mother. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," You know what? I hate you! " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," We talked about it a million times! You get no slogan! " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," I can make another cast. Will remember your sentences for the big dinner scene. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," Wait. You wrote that we will have dinner? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Just a little script. Things that my mother will be pleased to hear. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," What kind? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," The nostrils dilated. They do it when she gets mad. I love it. As now. Like now! " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Sorry, my little bear. Continues. You really like that for a relationship. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," No, not at all. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Funny story, the other night, this little rascal had a nightmare. He came to tell us what it was, you remember what you said? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Page 4... " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," Thank you very much, man. Tonight I will not sleep. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Tyler said: ""In my nightmare, mom and you did not know how much I loved you. So I'm here to say it was great...like that. "" " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," We're a happy family. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," No weak link in this scene. Bravo! " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," Come on, Barney. You have no idea of the difficulty of getting a job beneath you. I really liked your tip on the bones of dinosaurs. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," You can stop with that? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Go and eat your ice. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Guess who is not lactose intolerant: Tyler. Tyler will go there and enjoy every bite. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Yum! " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," You're not gonna get us out a slogan. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," I, yes. Follow me. I... been betrayed by my best friend.How could you do that, Ted? Think of the poor Tyler who tries valiantly to hold back tears. It's good my boy, you can cry.Weep! " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," What can you have to say for yourself? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," Is it I who betrayed, or that you have betrayed me? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Sorry. What? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," November 14, 1998. The night train to Monte Carlo. I was in the car pool arnaquant Algerians few thousand dinars, while thou séduisais my bride! Who is blind and took you for me. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," For God's sake, what are you talking? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," You know not well what I mean? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," No, not at all. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," Of course I do! And for sure I'll hear you admit it, manure! " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Mom, you leave us a moment? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," You've lost your mind? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," Honestly, I played a really Ted, I tried not to be him. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," What's wrong with you? How do I explain this to my mother? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," It may be time to tell him the truth. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," I know. Sometimes, honesty leads people to say bad things about the woman who always took care of me because I was the runt of the family. For God's sake, I'm just a 92 m! " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," Perfect. You see? Even in a role that you hate, you manage to love what you do. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," You think so? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," Thank you, Grant. You're pretty smart, you know that? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Mom, I've got something to tell you. Something I should have told you long ago. Tyler is dying. And Betty said that when he is gone, it will go out. So it may soon be over. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," None of this is true! The truth is that... Betty and Tyler are actors I hired to pretend to be my family. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," I just wanted you to think I had the life you wanted for me. I wanted you to be proud of me. It sounds crazy, and I'm sorry, Mom. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," No. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Really? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Is it not? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," I know! They are not horrible? So really, you angry with me? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Really? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," I'm really relieved because in reality, I am also far from being a married man can be. My stories with women you would shock and horrify you. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Seriously, you can not imagine what I could do. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Mom! " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," The taxi is here. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," I'll try. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," And I just wanted to say, if I was never cold or distant, I'm sorry. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," Who speaks it? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," My mother. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," It mean a lot to me if we could be closer. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," I love you... " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," Mom... " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily,"... Mom. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," Do like I was nice. I mean, it's really nice of you, Judy.You too. See you soon. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Marshall," That I understand that. You tell me when you watch Karate Kid, you're not in San Daniel? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Nope! " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," Who do you like in Die Hard? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," Hans Gruber, the villain class. At the end, it is trapped.This is the title character. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Lily," OK, and Breakfast Club? " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," The teacher who is watching. This is the only one who passes the whole movie in a suit. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Robin," I have one. Terminator. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," What is the title, Robin? Who among us has not shed a tear when his small red eye goes to the end and he can not k*ll these people? Sorry. The film... " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Ted," I'll watch the film again with you. " 4x15 - The Stinsons,Barney," They even try to help! " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"This is awesome. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"I can't believe this moment's finally here. One more mile and my little boy turns 200,000. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Your baby Fiero's grown into a really old man Fiero. And just like an old man, he leaks fluid, smells stale, makes weird noises out the back. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Yeah, he does. Hey, light up those cigars in the glove compartment. They're real Cubans. I got 'em in Chinatown last year just for this moment. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Uh, Marshall, I'm not saying you were definitely ripped off, but these are chopsticks wrapped in napkins. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Whoa, pothole. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"What? No. Oh. No. No, no, no. No, there's only.8 miles to go. Come on, buddy. Buddy! " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Is it cool if I still light these? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Hey. One good thingwe're off the hook for the folding party today. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Hey. It's very important to both Lily and me that there be a handmade origami crane in each of our wedding's... I couldn't even get through it. Thank God. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Hey, your car's going to be fine. This is the best auto shop around. Look at this certificate. One of the mechanics here finished a 64-ounce steak. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"Surprise. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Robin,"We felt bad that you guys were missing the super-fun origami folding party, so... we suggested moving it here. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"We insisted. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Terrific. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"How's the Fiero? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"She's still in triage. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"She? I thought it was your little boy. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"Oh, it goes back and forth. It's sort of a tr*nny car. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Robin,"How long have you had her... slash him? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"My brothers handed it down to me when I was 16. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Robin,"Oh, how nice of them. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Not really. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Come on! I already shaved my legs and swallowed five dollars in quarters. Only $4.50 has come out. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"That's it? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Agreed. Totally agreed. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"I'm aware of that. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"No... Look, can I just have my coffee, please? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"And that is the origin of Marshall's insane ""no food or drinks in the Fiero, not even groceries"" rule. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"It is not insane. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"Barney. That's like the third one in a row that you've screwed up. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Well, I'm trying, but it's... " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"Look. You fold twice to the middle, fold back and forth, pull the ends out, flip over, open the flaps, fold the edges, crease the front, fold in half, fold the wings down, push in the bottom corners, and fold the wings back out. Or would you like one of my kindergartners to show you? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Wait, wait, wait. Wait, I think I've got it. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"No. Forget it; the paper's too expensive. You're out. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Aw, nerts. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"The food rule is insane. We could have died because of it. Remember the 100K fiasco? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Ah, the Fiero-asco. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Dude, I told you that doesn't work. It's the 100K fiasco. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Robin,"What's the 100K fiasco? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"The Fiero-asco? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"It was just before winter break our freshman year of college. Marshall and I were roommates, but we weren't really good friends yet. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"I thought Ted was a little bit pretentious. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"And Marshall was a total slob. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Hey " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"All right, first of all, my parents live in Ohio. I live in the moment. Plus, Karen and I haven't seen each other since Thanksgiving. We're both really invested in making this long-distance thing work, so... " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"All right, well, call me if you change your mind. My odometer's going to hit 100K. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"She'd be so bummed if I left early. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"It was totally mutual. I mean, Karen brought it up first, but I... it was... it was totally mutual. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"I hear you. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"So what's up with you and Lily? Anything serious " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Yeah. Dude, we're college freshmen. I'm not going to get tied down by the first chick I hook up with. Lily's cool, but this bird you'll never chain, you know? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"So... this song. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Oh, it's the best song in the world. It's the only song I like. Just kidding. Tape's been stuck in the player for, like, two years. Better than nothing, though. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Maybe. I am so... sick... of this song. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Don't worry. It comes around again. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"What do you mean? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Yeah, we totally nailed the ending. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"That was probably our best one. Hey, you want to play Zitch Dog? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"What? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Uh, it's a car game. Every time you see a dog, you got to be the first one to say, ""Zitch dog."" I'm pretty good, so... " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Zitch dog. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Well, no, I didn't know we had...we'd started, but... Okay, that's cool. You got the first point. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Zitch dog. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Zitch dog. Damn it! " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Are we still playing? 'Cause I wasn't... I wasn't really... " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"12-nothing. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Marshall. Marshall. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Zitch dog, blue Suburban. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Damn it! " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"18-nothing. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Where the hell are we?! " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. I think you skipped something. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Really? Seems impossible. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Hey, we got some time. What do you say we get off the highway, take the road less traveled, you know? Robert Frost. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Doesn't seem like a smart idea. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Too late. I'm taking this exit. Who's not fun enough now, Karen? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Then we got lost. Where the hell are we?! I'm pulling over. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"No, keep driving. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"We're almost out of gas, and we might not even be on a road anymore. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"It's below zero out. If we pull over, we could be snowed in for days. Plus, I only have, like, six granola bars and three bottles of water. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Nah, I threw them out. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"What?! " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"No food or drink in the Fiero. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"No food or drink in the F...? You haven't washed your sheets since... " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Pretty sure that my foot is frozen solid. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Marshall... there's a very real chance that we're gonna be snowed in here for days. If I die first, do whatever you need to survive. Eat my flesh. Slice me open like a tauntaun, whatever. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Thanks, Ted. You're a good friend. And if I die first, you just leave my body alone. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"What? I just said you could cut me open and crawl inside me. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Yeah, don't do any of that stuff to me; it skeeves me out. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"But... but you're dead, and I'm gonna die if I don't. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Wasn't an easy decision. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"This is all because of your insane no-food rule. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"It's perfectly rational. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Hey! My spectacles! Hey. I know we're low on gas, but can we turn on the heat for just a minute? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Okay. Dude... I hate to say this... but it's so cold... there's only one way that we're gonna make it through this night.( " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Come on, Marshall. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"No. No. We might die now. I may never see Lily again. I never told anybody this, but... I've known for a long time that I'm gonna marry that girl. If we survive this, someday I'm gonna marry her. I'm sorry about your spectacles. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"That's okay. They were decorative. Hey, Marshall. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Yeah? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Are you still thinking about Lily? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Yeah. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Please stop. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Zitch dog! " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Damn it! " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"You said you were gonna marry me that long ago? That is so sweet. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"That trip is when Marshall and I became best friends. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"With privileges, from the sound of it. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Wow. Looks like he really needs a hug. Ted. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"He said it would be at least 3,000 bucks to make it run again. And even then, there's no guarantee. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Well, it's a pretty old car. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Robin,"Yeah. You can keep prolonging its life, but it's really mostly machine at this point. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"I know that it's a lot of money, but it's my Fiero, you know? I'm about to graduate and take some sellout corporate law job, and without that Fiero, I'm just another guy in a suit. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"How dare you... " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"I've been through so much in that car. The suicidal cat. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Hitchhiking Waldo. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Robin,"Lily, don't. Be strong. Do not go all ""prisoner's dilemma"" on me. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"The car's on its deathbed, Robin. I have to clear my conscience. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Guys, what are you talking about? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"Okay. Shortly after we met Robin, she and I were jonesing for Thai food from this one place. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Robin,"An hour and a half delivery. We can't wait that long. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"I wish we could take the Fiero, but Marshall has this insane no-food rule. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Robin,"But Thai food, Lily. Pad Yum Mao. Tom Kai Gah. Thai See Ran. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"Oh! You're just saying random syllables, and it still sounds delicious. Okay. Here's what we'll do. We'll drive over, pick it up, have them double-bag it, very carefully drive it back here with the windows open, and he'll never know. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Robin,"Lily, it's gonna be fine. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"No, it's not. Marshall's gonna freak. Oh, God, oh, God. What are we gonna do? Oh, God, oh...! " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Robin,"Shut up! Now, listen to me. The clock is ticking. Okay, first thing, we scoop up all these little pieces of tofu and cabbage. Next, what we need to take care of are the really messy parts-- the pools that have collected. We got to soak that soup up. Last is the smell. We got to cover up that Tom Kah Gai. You mentioned cigars. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"There's two in the glove compartment, but he's been saving them. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Robin,"Hand me those chopsticks. Hey, how about some tunes? Oh, great song. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"These cigars aren't helping at all. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Robin,"Yeah. This was a terrible idea. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"Now it just smells like a homeless guy threw up in here. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"The broken windows? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"We had to make it look realistic. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Why did you break two of them? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Robin,"It looked like fun when she did it. So I wanted to try. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Can't believe this whole time it was you guys. I've been blaming really tanned dancing leotard guy. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"Marshall, I'm so sorry, but sharing that secret-- that's when Robin and I became best friends. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Come on, Marshall. This is your Fiero. You know the rightthing to do here. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Robin,"Wow, Barney, why do you love that car so much? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Love it? Hold on a second. Love it? I hate it! " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"What? Why? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Why? Why? Why?! Why?! " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Let me tell it. It was last year during the transit strike. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Hey. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Hey. Uh, is Marshall around? I have a massage in Queens in half an hour. I need a ride. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Uh, no, he's at the library all day. Just take the keys. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Hey! Why don't you drive me? It'll be like a total road trip. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"To Queens? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Yeah, we'll get, we'll get beef jerky, Triscuits. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,":Uh, actually I have a lot of work to do, so. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Okay. Well, anyway, I'll cancel. See you later. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Wait! You know how to drive, right? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"What, of course I know how to drive. I love driving. Hitting the road. Cruising the lanes. And braking. Honking. Love it. Except for lady drivers. Don't get me started on lady drivers. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Which pedal's the gas? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Trick question. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"No, it's not " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Yes, it is. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"No, it's not. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Middle, left, right? I never learned how to drive! I grew up in the city. I never had a chance. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Well, guess what? You're getting your chance. Because I'm going to teach you. Barney Stinson, buckle up. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"This isn't right. God never meant for us to travel at such breakneck speeds. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Relax. You're doing great. Ignore the old lady on the rascal; this isn't a race. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Dude, a dog. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Zitch dogs, this. Or nothing. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"What do I do? Tell me what to do, Ted. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Step on the brakes. Sometime in the next 20 minutes. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Which? Which one's the break again? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"The left one. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Left. Oh, man, left. I'm totally blanking. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Make the Ls " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Oh, we're not going to make it. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Why did you just turn on the radio? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"I don't know why I turned on the radio! We're going to die. Tell me what to do, Ted. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Relax. You're being crazy. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Help me, Ted! I'm being serious. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Stop, drop and roll. Screaming is fun! Screaming is fun! " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"I can't move. I can't... I can't feel my... Wait. Wait. We're okay. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"We're okay. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"We're okay. It's a miracle, Ted! " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Robin,"Wow. Sounds like you had some accident in that car. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"Actually, he had two accidents if you add the fact that he... " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"ummina-hummina-hummina-hummina ummina-hummina-hummina hummina. I shouldn't even be here, thanks to that deathtrap. But fate... fate gave me a second chance. And helped me realize that our days on this planet are too few to squander. So I decided from that moment on to continue living life to its fullest. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"So you made a life-changing decision to not change your life at all. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"True story. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Guys. This Fiero's meant a lot to all of us. Friendships were made. Adventures had. Horrors faced. That's why we have to get rid of it. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Yes! " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Robin,"What? " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"It's lived a great life and it deserves to die with dignity. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"But 200,000... " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"But that's life. You know? You never end up where you thought you wanted to be. I'm not helping the environment. Ted's not a philosopher. Lily's not not a world-famous artist. Barney's never driven more than ten miles an hour. Robin, I'm sure, has also experience disappointment in her life. Maybe? And my Fiero's not a Fiero that went 200,000 miles. It's okay. You know? Those are old dreams. We'll get a new car and we'll fill that one up with new memories. And that'll be the car we had when we were first married. When we owned our first house. Maybe even the first car our four kids remember. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"That's so sweet. The first car our two kids remember. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"I would like to say good-bye. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"You know what? This Fiero, it's effected all our lives. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Affected. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Ted,"That's what I said. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Just making sure. Got us all a lot of places. I mean maybe it's time we return the favor. This Fiero should have made it to 200,000. So, let's get it out that door. And we'll push it the last.7 miles. It'd do the same for us. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Close enough! " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Arrivederci, Fiero! You were the freaking giving tree of cars. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Lily,"May you rust in peace. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Barney,"Rot in hell, devil steed. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"Bro. Have you heard this new song? I just got the cassingle. " "2x17 - Arrivederci, Fiero",Marshall,"I am never going to get sick of this song. Never, ever, never, never, ever. Yeah!" 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Mike? Wake up! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Have you seen my show? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," I wanted to watch it but I was too busy sleeping with this story. It took me all night, after 8 hours of the clock. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," It's not serious, but listen to this! After the show... " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Yes. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," Wow, you're going you do too. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," No, I just think it will be great both on the air. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," And on the couch, the bed and on the coffee table. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Ok, ok, I'll go on the roof and stay there all alone 5 minutes. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," Have fun. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Okay, okay, I'll go smoke a cigarette. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted,"Children of What? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," I just let something like that to my apartment. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," Robin, going, going on the roof! We said no smoking in the apartment... after that you have set fire by the pumps. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Okay, very good, very good. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Yeah Robin, I mean my God... not only is it a bad habit but... Do I have one? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Of course. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted,"Children of What? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," But just one. This is the first and the last cigarette of my life. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Okay, I'm done, I Quit! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall,"... last cigarette... my life. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," last cigarette of my life. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," What are you doing, you have not smoked in 6 months. Is it about ""MacGrib""? It closed guy, forget it. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," I'm worried about work, ok? They just hired a new chief legal department... and it will turn people. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," So that's why you're worried? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," The new head of legal department is Hobes Arthur. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," Is Arthur a*tillery? Your former leader. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," I quit! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," Is it always rebounded against you? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Worse! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," I have Marshall Eriksen. We had a pretty intense argument. As I've suggested that you take your head and you put yourself in the..., inside you. At a place that could reduce its exposure to the sun. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Marshall Eriksen. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," Wow, he not remember you. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," Not great, it does not matter that Arthur Hobes not like Marshall, he loves no one. It is the people he knows that he has to separate. He just fired, ""What's his head? "". " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," It turned 'What is his head? ""Ted! And ""What's his head? ""Was priceless. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," Look, I understand you to be upset but this is not a reason to k*ll you. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," Yeah, after you turn'm doing... then you can k*ll you. As ""What is his head? "". Now I think it is, where is his head? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Look, it's just two cigarettes. Ok, I can collect 2. As it is not 3 within 24hrs I replongerai yet. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," What will Lily say when you learn that you smoked? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Lily did not discover. I have a system. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Well, Lil '! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily," You got smoked! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Damn! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Hello, I'm Robin Scherbatsky! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," But what was that? Don, you said Pet brain! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Well, let a good program for what is half drunk. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," No, no thank you! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," You know what? I'll take one. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Marshall I am aware. It was Marshall, Marshall Eriksen. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Hey! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily," You got smoked! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Yes, I smoked! And it was my third day. You know what that means? I'm a smoker now. Everything is ruined. I bought a packet coming back, and a lighter... and a Viking lamp that has nothing to do, but I saw in the window and I liked it. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily," Damn Marshall. It has four lamps and Viking smoking k*ll. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," It was to create a link with my boss, you should have seen me up there. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," It's a beautiful dog. And it is your children? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily," I do not care about your reasons, you know what I think of smoking. Now give me the cigarettes! And the lighter. Aaah, that thing! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted,"Children of What! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," You should know that I tried to contact the town hall so we could get the mayor on the show. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," I do not know why you act like that. Maybe you've never had a better job offer, but I still can, so I really want to focus. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," You're already past the cable? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," ok, the trick underwear was your choice. And I would not keep that going. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," I want to k*ll him, of course people watching this show.You look at her. My God, you still have not seen the program. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily," We saw. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Really? What color is the decor? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," It's black, or silver. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Not your TV, the decor of my show. If my best friends do not watch, will watch it... " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," A lot of people... Bedrin the insomniac, who portrays Blongs front of department stores. People to the emergency room where the TV is in a cage, and you can not change channels. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," You have film crews? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," I can not believe they're smoking outside, it's really cold. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," Do you remember when you could smoke in bars? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," I think there's a pretty girl smiling at me there. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," Hey, this is a chair, but go ahead and drag it. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," Guys? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Marco? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney,"Ted and Polo! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," Our group is divided into smokers and nonsmokers, and it's great. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," You're right. Going for a smoke. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted,"Children of What? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Hey you two, smoking, like us. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," I'm not a smoker. I do not smoke on certain occasions.After sex, when I'm with German, sometimes both at the same time. During sex, for birthdays, to annoy my mother, just before sex, on a sailboat. The day the mentor MC mailly eliminated each year, and of course... wait, because God knows it's true: fear of pregnancy. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," And why you smoke there? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," I'm always on the verge of sleep Ted. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily," Maybe that smoking is not so bad, at least it is outdoors. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," And my abs muscle nicotine. I... am... muscular. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," It's alright, darling? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Yes, right away, and me is Marshall. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," My God, I hope that Arthur is well. I reserve her office in case. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," We must stop smoking. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," I would never have started. I finally revisit in 13 years, if I could go back. I hate that little bastard. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily," Me too. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," Ok it's good, we stop. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Yes, we stop. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," I'm proud of you guys. I heard how it was difficult to stop smoking for as you, then the part of non-smokers, I tell you hat, so give me your cigarettes and I rid, one at a time. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily," You stop my chick. I know I did not call you chick normally, but it does with that voice. Chick. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Guys, I wonder, you also are interviewing the mayor tomorrow, or it just me? Don was in the teeth, while I'm smoking a. Lighter Marshall. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Actually, we all decided to stop. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Fantastic, I was fed up that you piquiez me my smokes constantly. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," Robin, we must do together. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," No. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily," You can sleep with Marshall. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Lily God, no. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily," Sorry darling, that's for the team. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," I do not want to have sex with Marshall. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Sure. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," I can not stop now, not before the most important interview of my life. It's too stressful. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," It's too stressful! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Just one. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily," Give a cigarette! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," Damn Robin, think about it a moment, Blue Bug is the mayor anti cigarette. You really want to go to the interview smelling cigarettes? It's like interviewing a feeling the vegetarian steak. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Really, it's hard enough like that? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," You stop! It all stops. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Ok, I stop. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," We should just spend the first 24 hours after a piece of cake. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily," Barney stops eating your fingers. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," I do not bite my nails, I try to suck the rest of nicotine on my fingers. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," Marshall pass me your plate. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," What, you're a dinosaur? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," What do cigarettes now? You believe they think of us? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," Dude, if you do not stop moving your feet, I'll tear it off. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Oh Ted, I'm sorry, maybe I should move closer to your ass! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," Ok we'll do it now! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Why? Because it is important to Don, the issue is important and my career. Not like you, you incompetent. You're boring, you are bad, and I want you to work at least as hard as the elastic of your underwear. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," No gift, it would become personal if I told you that just because you pass emission issue, it's because you're losing. A loser lazy and obnoxious. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Hello, this is Robin Scherbatsky. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," A raccoon has bitten a patient in a nursing home. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," What are you doing? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," You can be professional? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," No thank you. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Robin, do not smoke this cigarette. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Marshall? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," They look at you all, we are all impressed and if you smoke this cigarette, we shall return it to us too. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," You watch the show? " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily," Yes sweetie, and you are very pretty. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Oh guys. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," You do not have to do that, you do not need to smoke. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily," Resists sweetie! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," Thanks for calling friends. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," She did! " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," Good for her. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily," We will not smoke. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," I have a hiding on the roof. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," Oh, I woke up and I smoke. Robin, you know how it's dangerous to wake a smoker sleeps. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," I bought a packet on the way home. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Robin Good show. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily," And this guy So what con. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," He ended up apologizing. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily," When he got up, the forms were more revealing, you should go out with him. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," We believe in it all. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," Well look, the sun rises. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin," You know it's the perfect time there. For one last cigarette. The real last. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Barney," Come on, let's do it. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," The last three. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Ted," A... " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Lily,"... two... " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Robin,"... three. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Sorry to have hit my friend. I want to redeem myself by giving you this. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall,"Young Wow, she's pretty. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Well one day you will marry her. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Yes, lucky. " 5x11 - Last Cigarette Ever,Marshall," Oh no, no do not do that. Have fun for me. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," It's funny when I think about it. I was sure that Stella was good. When she left me, I was so devastated. But you helped me overcome that. Now the hard part is over. I came out a little louder. You know, I do not think further of it. This is the work of time, I guess. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," Ted, the wedding was yesterday. It's been 24 hours. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," I know. That's all I advance. A new chapter in my life begins today, and we'll celebrate. Here, we need two things.We need Kool and the g*ng. It's time the jukebox! " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," I watch this young man dancing near the jukebox, and I can not help thinking... Stella may have made the right choice. Ouch! " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," How can he dance here? He should be trying to smash the car with a club of Stella. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," Assumption. He is not pretending to be happy. Ted is really happy. He did not want to marry from the start. Ted had the best train dodge since Stand by Me Well, not the first kid, but others. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," No, it is a mess. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," It gauze? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," A mess. And one must be there for him. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," Hey, man. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," You wanna hang out? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Girls, I'm fine. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," Dude, you make some? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," I'm fine. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," Hey, kid. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Barney, I'm fine! It is not necessary, and it is rather unhealthy. Sorry, ladies. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," I did not know you'd be here. Girls stairwell. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," What do you want for dinner? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," Oh, the farm. I'm sorry, is that you have experienced something traumatic, and we try to be there for you, but do not you leave us, and it irritates us, selfish little whore. Sorry. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," We are concerned that you faced not what happened with Stella. Do you remember when Lily left me? How I buried my emotions? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," It... I... miss him so much. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," Yeah man, you've been a rock. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," I should have been worse, OK? I should have my nerves, follow your advice and burn cases Lily. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," Super. Thank you, Ted. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," I have not done it, and that's why I took so long to get better. So Ted, I want you explode. Release your rage.Ready? Now! " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," It's OK. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," Guys, let him go. He is happy. Listen, if Ted was married, then he would be married, he would live in New Jersey, and he would be married. It is well. Good, let's eat. Let Flat Michael's? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," It is between the 44th and Lex. Impossible. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," Why? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," It is near the gym Stella. We could cross. Everywhere else, it's going. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," Ok, how about Hurley's? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Stack between his office and dry cleaner. Sorry. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," Well, The Meatloaf Charlie? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Two blocks from her mother's hairdresser. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," Okay, Ted, is there a place in Manhattan where one can dine? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Of course. Look at this. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," It's that thing? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," A reference card I made. A guide to places where you can meet Stella Zinman. The red areas: to avoid. White: OK.Blue: the sea " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," This is ridiculous. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," The sea is blue. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," You can not live like this. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," It leaves you on the altar, and it's you who're avoiding? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Yes, I avoid it. What is the problem? It goes like this. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," It's that ""one"" small dicks? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," No, 'on', it is the people of the great state of Ohio. When life is hard, we take the pain and bury us. And if the pain goes, is buried pain over another. Why cope when you can avoid?All I have to do is to never see her again, and I will have a long happy life. So who wants to eat? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," Someone told me of a tapas bar located in the white zone. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Super. Let's go. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Not yet. Can we have almonds to the table? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Well done, Lily. This place looks cool. That you talked about? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," I actually remember it. Oh Oh! " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," What? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," I remember. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Oh my God! Oh my God! OK, stay cool. We'll just have to manage it. Everyone... follow me. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," Oh, you laugh. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," He is serious? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," I will not in this table. Possibly, in this one. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," She turns around. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Think, think. Guys, stay there. I'll take a look. Marshall will look. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," She took to win. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," She looks happy? She talked about me? I do not care.Where are the almonds? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," Where may well be nuts Ted? You should check the garage in the grip of Stella. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," Will the yelling. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," You're maybe Ohio, but you live in New York now. We do not bury our emotions in New York. We take our emotions and they are sent to the other side! " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Let me go. You'd do the same if you were in this situation. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," I dream! There's not one person on Earth to which I would hide under a table. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Really, not one? Not even... Gazeur? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," How dare you pronounce this name to me? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," Who is Gazeur? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," This is the last person I would like to see here. Michael purifier. This is a guy I was in high school. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," Michael was next to me in Biology. It was a failure for the entire college, but the summer before the third, he grew 30 cm and joined the baseball team. It was becoming a cool guy.Until one day... " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," Lily, you're all been there. When we loose one, it's not pretty. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," You did what? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," Are you kidding? It was the third. I had a choice. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," Oh, my God, purifier! It gauze? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," Of course purifier. Or rather Gazeur. Gazeur! " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," The Gazeur nickname stuck. He had so much ridicule, he had to change schools. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," The kids are great. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," It made me always feel guilty. But if Gazeur... Michael...came now, as hard as it may be, I would go to Gazeur...Michael... and I should settle things between us. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," Clearing the air, as before. Oh, man. It does not happen often. You are welcome. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Let's just eat here, if possible. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Thank you. You have a daily special? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," Ted, this is ridiculous. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," I am a person who... Well, are facing. There are a bunch of people I do not want to see... as the group of ""girls that I skipped""... but if one of them came here, I would stay there, and I would look into his eyes. For some, this would be the first time. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Really, you hide from anybody? Not even... Becca Delucci? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," Son of a bitch. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," Do you mind? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," Who is Becca Delucci? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," Becca is this girl who lives in the North. I saw her from time to time. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Where exactly in the north, Barney? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," Bedford Hills Federal Penitentiary. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," And yes, the visits were of a conjugal nature. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," That's not true? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," Really. And that I had with Becca was a perfect relationship. She was allowed to call me once a week. If it becomes too sticky, the armed guards stoppaient. I've never had to pay for dinner. In fact, this is false. I pay taxes. I guess we all paid for dinner. Thank you, guys. Anyway, at the last visit, I screwed up. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," I know it's hard, baby, but I'm in a prison too.Imprisoned in my heart. This room is ready or what? We can...? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," That's why I'm here, baby. I am your strength. I'm...Oh, my God. Hello, stranger. Barney Stinson, attorney. Let's talk about your output. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," Now I have letters from Becca who say, ""I'll come see you the day I get out of here. I'll hang your eyes in my rearview mirror. ""Women, eh? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," You see? Are you afraid of Becca. Lily is afraid of Gazeur. are still under the table. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," We do not need. Stella is a party. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Oh, my God. That's it, and that's it, the style Ohio. The problem manifested itself. It has been avoided. It is a party.Here you can dine in peace... " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," It comes back. We all think that you need... Wait, where is Barney? We think you should talk to him. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," Not me. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," What? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," If the last person I wanted to see, came in I would not talk to him. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Really? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," Who is it? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," My father. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," Boy, this sure is another table. What are we talking? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," From Robin's father. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," I have not spoken to him in 3 years and I want to start now. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," Why? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," It goes back to my birth. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," He wanted a son and the fact that I am a girl has not changed. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," How so? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," My full name is Robin Charles Scherbatsky, Jr. And it only got worse. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," At 8, he took me hunting for the first time. I want to sh**t a deer. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin,"Father of Trivia, RJ sh**t a deer is the most noble goals. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," But they're cute. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," My body started to change... " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," Wait a second. Sorry, continues. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," It was increasingly hard for him to act as if I was a boy. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," The worst moment came in my 14 years. My junior hockey team had just won the ""Squamish Invitational."" And everybody came to my house to celebrate. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," You're an idiot. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," My poor. Being forced to grow up in Canada with America, right next door. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," It's sad for your father, Robin, but congratulations for this game. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," And Kyle and I are doing anything serious. It was only the blue line. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," The blue line? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," You know when you're a kid, you give the terms of hockey at all? The blue line is the kiss, the red is to be naked, and I think that ""crease"" speaks for itself. After that, my relationship with my father has cooled. I moved with my mother, let my hair grow, was a Canadian pop star. Young normal stuff. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," You do not think you'd feel better if you talked to him? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," That's just it. It would be useless. This is history, it's done. I would say what? ""I wish not to be raised as a boy, that thou teach me not to hunt, fish and smoke cigars and drinking scotch because girls do not do that. And you know why I run like a girl? Because I am one. "" " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," You kept it for quite some time, eh? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," Yes. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," It has returned to you. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," Sorry. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," It's hot. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," I'll talk to him. She's gone. I'll catch up. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," There, there. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," There she is! " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," I see. It is two taxis right front. Not lose it, OK? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," Well, well you do. You're going to confront it. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," I will face it. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," This is so exciting. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Bluntly. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," You're gonna say what? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," I will say, ""Sorry it did not work. ""We will discuss in adults. She'll tell me his views and... I will listen. What I should have done more before. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," You can fly it into the lamp? Fasten your seat belts!Not you, Ted. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," You have to get angry. Go ahead. Looking good. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Come on. There is no question of moving his arms, stomping feet and get angry. This is Stella and I finally communicating. Clearly, it was... " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," Stella hated Star Wars. She lied to you. Seeking your feelings. You know it's true. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," That's his problem. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," Come on, Ted. She left you on the altar. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," I understand! " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," In the name of all that is sacred... " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," Wait, wait! Where it goes? His taxi has missed the exit for the Lincoln Tunnel. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," Why take it away to bring him back in New Jersey, anyway? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Maybe she goes to his office. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," No. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," The waiter asked him: ""Do you want covered? ""And she said:"" I'm going home. "" " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," If she goes to her, why you go to...? Oh, my God. Tony lives in the city center. ""At home"" is Tony's apartment. She would move in with me in New Jersey and moved to town, Tony? The bitch! " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," Finally. Finally, my friend. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," I have the balls too! " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," I know and I love it! It's great! Sir, we will pay gladly handle that has been broken. I love Ted angry! " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Me too! " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," Lets get out, man, let out. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," She stops. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," That's it. That's it! " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," Yes, Ted. Come on, buddy! " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Robin," Get rid of your demons! " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," I have ants in my leg! " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," OK, wait. Wait... " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," What are you doing? " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," Wait. Listen, Ted, it's great that you're angry... " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," Sure. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily,"... and that you face all that, but... you only have one chance. Take a moment and think about what you will say. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," I know exactly what I say. You chose the wrong guy. You chose the wrong guy. You did a very, very, very bad choice. What were you thinking? This guy? You kidding me? Have you learned anything these past 8 years? You'll be sorry. You know it? You'll be sorry, and you can do anything about it because it is too late. Anything you can do is start up your life miserable and disappointing that will never be as happy as it could be with me. Goodbye. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Look, I'm not there to pick you. I am here because I need to know that you know you've made the worst mistake of your life. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Ted," Okay. This is what I say. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Marshall," It k*ll! " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Barney," From cold blood. " 4x06 - Happily Ever After,Lily," Okay, tell him that. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Will you marry me. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Yes, perfect! And then you're engaged, you pop the champagne! You drink a toast! You have sex on the kitchen floor... Don't have sex on our kitchen floor. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Got it. Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Dude, are you kidding? It's you and Lily! I've been there for all the big moments of you and Lily. The night you met. Your first date... other first things. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," yeah, sorry. We thought you were asleep. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," It's physics Marshall, if the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves too. My god, you're getting engaged tonight. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Yeah, what are you doing tonight? " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," hey, so you know how I've always had a thing for half-Asian girls? Well, now I've got a new favorite: Lebanese girls! Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Hey, you wanna do something tonight? " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Okay, meet me at the bar in fifteen minutes, and Suit up! " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Hey. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Where's your suit!? Just once when I say suit up, I wish you'd put on a suit. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," I did that one time. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," It was a blazer! " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," You know, ever since college it's been Marshall and Lily and me. Now it's going to be Marshall and Lily... and me. They'll get married, start a family-before long I'm the weird, middle-aged bachelor their kids call ""Uncle Ted"". " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," I see what this is about. Have you forgotten what I said to you the night we met? " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Ted, I'm going to teach you how to live. Barney, we met at the urinal. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Oh, right. Hi. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Lesson one, lose the goatee. It doesn't look good with your suit. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," I'm not wearing a suit. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Lesson two, get a suit. Suits are cool. Exhibit A. Lesson three, don't even think about getting married till you're... thirty. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Thirty, right. You're right. I guess it's just, you're best friend gets engaged-you start thinking about that stuff. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," I thought I was your best friend. Ted, say I'm your best friend. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," You're my best friend, Barney. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Good! And as your best friend, I suggest we play a little game called... ""Have you met Ted?"" " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Wai-no, no, no. We're not playing ""Have You Met Ted?"" " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Hi, have you met Ted? . " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Hi, I'm Ted. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," It's a very pretty name. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Hey! " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," Urgh. I'm exhausted. It was finger painting day at school, and a five year old boy got to second base with me. Wow, you're cooking? " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Yes, I am. " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," Aww- Are you sure that's a good idea after last time? You looked really creepy without eyebrows. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," I can handle this; I'm full of surprises tonight. " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," So there's more surprises? Like what? " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," BOOGITY BOO! And that's all of them! I'm goanna go... cook. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," I'm so happy for Marshall, I really am. I just couldn't imagine settling down right now. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Well maybe eventually. Some fall day. Possibly in Central Park. Simple ceremony, we'll write our own vows. But--eh--no DJ, people will dance. I'm not going to worry about it! Damn it, why did Marshall have to get engaged? Yeah, nothing hotter than a guy planning out his own imaginary wedding, huh? " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Well, you're clearly drunk ONE MORE FOR THE LADY! " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Okay, look what I got " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," Aw-honey. Champagne! " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Yeah. " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," No, you are too old to be scared to open a bottle of champagne! " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," I'm not scared. " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," Then open it! " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Fine Please open it " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," You are unbelievable, Marshall. No- " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," will you marry me? " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," you wanna go out sometime? " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," Of course, you idiot! " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Sup, Carl? " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," I promised Ted we wouldn't do that. " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," Did you know there's a pop tart under your fridge? " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," No, but dibs. Where's that champagne? I wanna drink a toast with my fiancé. " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," aww " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," I don't know why I was so scared of this. Pretty easy right? " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," OH! " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Why am I freaking out all of a sudden? This is crazy! I'm not ready to settle down. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," how does Carl land a Lebanese girl? " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," It's always been ""don't even think about it till you're thirty"" " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Exactly-the guy doesn't even own a suit! " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Plus Marshall's found the love of his life. Even if I was ready, which I'm not, but if I was it's like, ""Okay, I'm ready! Where is she?"" " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Hey Barney, see that girl? " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Hey, have you met Ted? " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Let me guess, Ted? " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," I'm sorry, Lily. I'm so sorry. Take us to the hospital. " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," Hit me? Please, this guy could barely even spank me in bed for fun. He's all like, ""Oh, did that hurt?"" and I'm like, ""Come on, let me have it you pansy!"" Wow, complete stranger. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," So what do you do? " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," I'm a reporter for Metro News 1. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Oh. " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Well, kind of a reporter. I do those dumb little fluff pieces at the end of the news, you know. Like-um-monkey that can play the ukulele. I'm hoping to get some bigger stories soon. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Bigger like, uh, gorilla with an up-right bass? Sorry, you're really pretty. Oh, your friends don't seem too happy. " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Yeah, see the one in the middle just got dumped by her boyfriend so tonight every guy is... ""The enemy"". " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," You know if you don't make your friend feel better you could throw a drink at my face. I don't mind. " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," She would love that! It does look fun in the movies. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Hey, you wanna have dinner with me Saturday night? " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Oh, I can't. I'm going to Orlando for a week on Friday. Some guys attempting to make a big so my news is covering it. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," That's going to take a week? " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Yeah, he's going to eat it too, it's another record. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Uh, I know this is a long sh*t, but how about tomorrow night? " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Yeah, What the hell JERK! that was fun. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," De-wait for it-nied! Denied! " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," We're going out tomorrow night. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," I thought we were playing laser tag tomorrow night? " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Yeah, I was never going to go play laser tag. " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Wow that is one bad-ass blue French horn. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Yeah. " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Mhmm. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Sort of looks like a... Smurf penis. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Lilly? " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," How long have you been sitting there!? Stupid eye patch. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Mom, dad, I have found the future Mrs. Ted Mosby! Marshall, how have I always described my perfect woman? " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Oh let's see she likes dogs? " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," I've got five dogs. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall,"...she drinks scotch? " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," I love a scotch that's old enough to order its own scotch. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Can quote obscure lines from ""Ghostbusters""? " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god you say, ""Yes!"" " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," And I'm saving the best for last. " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Do you want these? I hate olives. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," She hates olives! Awesome! " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," The olive theory. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," The olive theory is based on my friends, Marshall and Lily. He hates olives, she loves them. In a weird way that's what makes them such a great couple. A Perfect balance . " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," You know, I've had a jar of olives just sitting in my fridge forever. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," I can take them off your hands. " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," they're all yours. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Oh, it is on! It is on till the break of dawn. " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," wait, it's only the break of ten-thirty. What happened? " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," I've gotta get one of those blue French horns for over my fireplace. It's gotta be blue, it's gotta be French. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," No Green Clarinet? " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," No. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Come on, no purple tuba? " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," It's a smurf penis, we're no dice. " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Um, alright. I'll be right there. I'm sorry. I had a really great time tonight. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Yeah. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," So? Did you kiss her? " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," No. The moment wasn't right. Look, this woman could be my future wife; I want our first kiss to be amazing. " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," Aww, Ted that's so sweet. So you chickened out like the little bitch. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," What? I did not chicken out! You know what? I don't need to take first kiss advice from some pirate who hasn't been single since the first week of college. " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," Ted, anyone who's single would tell you the same thing. Even the dumbest single person alive, and if you don't believe me...call him. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Hey loser, how's not playing laser tag? Because playing laser tag is awesome! Oh, I k*ll you Connor; don't make me get your mom! " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Hey, listen. I need your opinion on something. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Okay, meet me at the bar in fifteen minutes-AND SUIT UP! " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," So these guys think I chickened out. What do you think? " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," I can't believe you're still not wearing a SUIT! " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," She didn't even give me the signal. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," What is she goanna-is she goanna bat her eyes at you in Morse code ?? Ted Kiss me-No, you just kiss her! " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Not if you don't get the signal. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Ee- Did Marshall give me the signal? " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," No! I didn't, I swear. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," But see-at least, tonight, I get to sleep knowing, Marshall and Me... never going to happen. You should've kissed her. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Urgh, I should've kissed her. What about when she gets back from Orlando? " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," A week? That's like-a year in hot girl time. She'll forget all about you. Mark my words: you will never see that one again. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," There she is... " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," Ooo. She's cute! Hey Carl, turn it up! " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," ...persuaded him to reconsider at which point the man came down off the ledge, giving this bizarre story a happy ending. Reporting from " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Huh, guy didn't jump " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Metro One News, back to you bill. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," I'm goanna go kiss her. Right now. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Oh-Dude, it's midnight. As your future lawyer I'm goanna advise you: that's freakin' crazy! " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," I never do anything crazy! I'm always waiting for the moment! Planning the moment! Well she's leaving tomorrow this may be the only moment I'm goanna get! I gotta do what that guy couldn't, I gotta take the leap! Okay not a perfect metaphor, for me it's fall in love and get married-for him it's... death. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Actually, that is a perfect metaphor. By the way, did I congratulate you two? " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," I'm doing this. " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," Let's go " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Word up! " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," We're coming with you. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted,"...Barney? " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Alright, but under one condition. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," look at you, you beautiful bastard, you suited up! This is totally going in my blog! " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Stop the car. Uh-pull over right here. I gotta do something. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Excuse me, pardon me. Enjoy your coffee. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," go, go, GO! Everybody brings flowers. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Okay. Moment of truth. Wish me luck. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Ted's goanna get it on with a TV reporter This just in. Okay " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," Kiss her, Ted. Kiss her good. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Kiss the crap out of that girl " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Marshall, remember this night. When you're the best man at our wedding and you give a speech, you're goanna tell this story. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Why does he get to be the best man? I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND! " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," I've got five dogs. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Not good, not good, not good, not good. " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," No! " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Go back in there! " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," You're wearing a suit! " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Ted? " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Hi! I was just uh- " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Come on up. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," He's in. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," So, Ranjit... you must've done it with a Lebanese girl. " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," Okay-that's my Barney Limit. I'm goanna see if that Bodega has a bathroom. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," The women hot there? " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Simple no would have sufficed. She's lovely. " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," So, Ted. What brings you back to Brooklyn at one in the morning in a-suit. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," I was just hoping to get those olives... that you said I could have. " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Would you like those olives with some Gin and Vermouth? " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Are you trying to get me drunk? " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," For starters " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Thank you. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," So, Marshall. This ""Olive Theory"" based on you and Lily? " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Yeah... " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," You hate olives? Lily loves them, you can't stand them. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Yeah, hate olives. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Two weeks ago, Spanish bar on 79th Street, dish of olives-you had some. What up? " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," You have to swear that this does not leave this cab. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," I swear. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," On our first date, I ordered a Greek salad; Lily asked if she could have my olives. I said, ""Sure... I hate olives."" " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," But you like olives! " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Well, I was eighteen, okay? I was a virgin. Been waiting for my whole life for a pretty girl to want my olives. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Marshall, I'm going to get you an early wedding present. Don't get married. " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," I think I like your ""Olive Theory"". " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," I think I like your French Horn. " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," I think I like your nose. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," I think I'm in love with you. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney,"Lily, Marshall and What? " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," What? " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Come on man, you said your stomach's been hurting, right? You know what that is! Hunger. You're hungry for experience. Hungry for something new. Hungry for olives. But you're too scared to do anything about it. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Yeah, I'm scared, okay? But when I think about spending the rest of my life with Lily... committing forever, no other women doesn't scare me at all. I'm marrying that girl. Lily. Lily, I like olives. " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," We'll make it work. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," So Orlando, you goanna hit Disney World? " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," You love me? " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Oh, god, I can't believe I said that. Why did I say that? Who says that? I should just go. " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Hold on. Wait a minute. Promised you these. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Olives. Thanks. I love you. What's wrong with me? " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Why are we still sitting here? Let's go! We can still make last call. What do you say Lil? Yo, ho ho and a bottle o' rum? 'Cuz you're a pirate... " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," Okay, eye patch gone- And we can't just abandon Ted. If it doesn't go well up there he's gonna need some support. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," It's been like twenty minutes. You think they're doin' it? " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," You think they're doing it in front of the dogs? " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," Doggie style. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," I had this girl in college; she had a golden retriever- " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," Okay, we can go to the bar, just stop talking. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Hit it Ranjit. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," So when you tell this story to your friends, could you avoid the word ""psycho""? I prefer...eccentric. " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Good night, psycho . " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Great Umm... how do I get to the F Train? " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Oh, um-two blocks that way and take a right. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Thanks. You know what? . I'm done being single. I'm not good at it. Look, obviously you can't tell a woman you just met you love her. But... it sucks that you can't. I'll tell you something though, if a woman-not you... just some hypothetical woman-were to bare with me through all this. I think I'd make a damn good husband. Because that's the stuff I'd be good at. Stuff like making her laugh and being a good father... and walking her five hypothetical dogs. Being a good kisser. " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Everyone thinks they're a good kisser. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Oh, I've got references. " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," Good night, Ted. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," And I'm a good hand shaker " 1x01 - Pilot,Robin," that's a pretty great hand shake. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," And that was it, probably never see her again. What? " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," That was the signal! " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," That long lingering handshake-you should've kissed her! " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," There's no such thing as the signal. But yeah-that was the signal. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Carl!? You guys weren't there. " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," I am so turned on right now. " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," Guys, trust me. I've seen the signal. That was not the signal. " 1x01 - Pilot,Barney," Yeah Ted, we're not on you anymore. " 1x01 - Pilot,Marshall," To my fiancé! " 1x01 - Pilot,Lily," to the future! " 1x01 - Pilot,Ted," That was not the signal! " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"So... what do you think? " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Robin again? Ted, the universe clearly does not want you and Robin to be together. Don't piss off the universe. The universe will slap you. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"But don't you think the universe has more important things to worry about than my dating life? " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"Unless your dating life is the glue holding the entire universe together... Whoa. Chills. Anybody else get chills? " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Look, I realize we've been down this road before, but the fact is, whatever I do, it all keeps coming back to Robin, so... I gotta do this. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"That wasn't me. That was the universe. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Thanks, Lou. Boy, too bad. Our big Metro News One camping trip was going to be this weekend. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Guess we'll have to take a rain check. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Have a great night. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Well, I'd give you the ""I don't date coworkers"" speech again, but, God, you must have that sum'bitch memorized by now. " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"Dude, he's right. How many times do you have to watch this crash and burn before you say, ""enough""? " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"One more. One more time. One more big, beautiful, stupid romantic gesture. And then, whatever she says, yes or no, that's it. If it's yes, great. If it's no, then I am done going after Robin forever. " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"So what's this big, beautiful romantic gesture? " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"I am going to make her... a mix CD. No, I'm kidding. I got a plan. Lily, I'm going to need the spare key to Robin's apartment. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"I see where this is going. Ted, waiting naked in a girl's bed wearing whipped cream undies does not work... usually. The setting-- Martha's Vineyard, 1999. The charactersYours truly and a raven-haired au pair by the name... " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Universe. So, this plan you speak of? " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Remember the first night Robin and I went out? I stole a blue French horn for her and it almost worked. " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"Yeah. Dude, that was awesome, but how are you ever going to top that? " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"She should be here any second. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Enough with the... we'll go get pizza later, all right? Just... " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Damn it. " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Hello. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Hey, Lily, I'm locked out of my apartment. I need to come pick up my extra key. " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Extra key? Do I have an extra key to your apartment? " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Yes, I gave it to you. " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Oh, right. That key. Yeah, I lost it. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Great, now I gotta go to the locksmith. " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"No, wait, uh... Maybe you should just knock. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Knock? Lily, my dogs aren't that well trained. " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Uh, Robin, I-I gotta go. Just knock, okay? " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"Summer fellowship? " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Just knock. Okay. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Hi. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Hi. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Robin... I've sort of said this already. I mean I've half said it. I've tried to say it, and I've said it badly. So this is me, just saying it. With strings. I'm crazy about you. I think we should be together. What do you say? What do you say? " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Yes. No. I don't know. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Those are the three options. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Ted, this is so... " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"I know. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"I mean, I come home, I was going to watch Jeopardy and there's a string quartet and... I have to pee. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Oh, I'm sorry. Uh, well, go ahead. We'll, uh, we'll wait. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"No, I said I'd get you a pizza afterwards. Look, could we talk about this later? I'm sort of professing my love here. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Okay. Let's talk. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Okay. Oh, hey, you guys want to take five? " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Thanks, guys. Just need a minute. Sort of a big life decision. Love the blue instruments, though. Kind of an inside joke. Thanks. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Right. Come on. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"It's not that I haven't thought about this. You know that I have, but let's look at this, okay? We only just started being friends again. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"I know. But... come on... " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"And we want different things. That's still there. That's not going away. I mean, what if we do this and it doesn't work out and I'd lose you as a friend? I gotta think about this. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Okay, fine. Think about it on the plane. Let's go to Paris for the weekend. I'm serious. I'm kidding. I'm serious. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"I can't go to Paris, I'm going camping. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"I thought that thing was canceled. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Well, it's back on. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Since when? " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Since like an hour ago. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"You're leaving? " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Oh, congratulations. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"What do you mean? " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Wow. Thanks. And, yes. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Yes, let's go get dinner. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Oh, you're kidding me. No way. Don't go on this thing. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Ted, I have to go. It's a company camping trip. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Really? Because it also kinda sounds like a date. With Sandy... and his weenie. I mean is this not a date? " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"I don't-I don't know. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"So, what? You actually like this guy now? " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"I don't know. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Are you gonna hook up with him? " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"I don't know. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Yes, you do. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"No, Ted, I don't. And you know what? That's okay. I don't plan out every second of my life like you do. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"I don't plan out every... " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Oh, really? What is all of this? I mean, why can't you just say, ""Hey, Robin, let's go get some sushi?"" No, it has to be a-a string quartet and-and Paris and flowers and chocolates and let's spend the rest of our lives together. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Don't you think we're a little bit past sushi at this point? God, you are so terrified of anything real. It's like you're floating out in space. Touch the ground, Robin. Live in the world, make a mistake. Make this mistake. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"I need to think about this. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Fine. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"No, I'm sorry, I... I can't do this anymore. I need an answer. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"If you want me to say yes right now, I-I can't do that. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Well, if it's not yes, then it's a no. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Then I guess it's not meant to be. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Nice try, buddy. " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"Look at the bright side. At least you got some closure. She's made her choice and you can finally move on. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Screw that. This ain't over. " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"Ted, you sat here in this very booth and you said... " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"I don't care what I said. This is gonna happen. She can't say it's not meant to be. It is meant to be, and you know why? 'Cause I mean it to be. " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Unpause? " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"Unpause. " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"A painting fellowship? " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"I was never going to take it. " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"In California? " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"I was never going to take it. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Ted, she is going on that camping trip. Dude, barring some act of God, Robin's gonna be with Sandy this weekend. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Fine. If an act of God is what it takes, then an act of God it is. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"What are you talking about? " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"I'm gonna make it rain. I can't let Robin go camping with this guy. So how do I keep that from happening? Simple... I make it rain! " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Ted, do you want me to slap you again? 'Cause I kind of enjoyed it the first time. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Look, I-I might be crazy right now... No, you know what? I am definitely crazy right now, but I have a plan. That girl you used to go out with, Penelope, wasn't she getting her PhD in Native American culture? " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Yeah. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Are you still in touch with her? " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Sure. I mean, even though we stopped having sex, we still get together, like, once a month to chat and catch up, and of course I'm not in touch with her! " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Well, you're gonna need to get in touch with her. She's gonna teach me how to do a rain dance. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Did you just say a ""rain dance""? " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Yes. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"A rain dance. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Yes. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"A dance to make it rain. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Yes. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"No, we are not! " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Yes, we are! " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Ted, you're forcing me to be the voice of reason, and it's not a good look for me! " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Come on, I know it didn't work out between us, but we did... have a relationship. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Twice! " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Shh! " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Penelope, I really need to make it rain this weekend. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"There's this girl... " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Penelope, this is the girl I love. If it doesn't rain this weekend, she's gonna end up with the wrong guy. Please. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Absolutely. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Kind of. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Hey. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"We weren't exclusive! " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Wow, it took five shots of tequila to get you in that position. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"There's so much of your mom in you. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"And she's been throwing up ever since. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Remember that guy, Ted, that I was telling you about? Well, I came home and I found him waiting in my apartment with a string quartet and roses and chocolates... " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Okay, yes, it's sweet in theory, but isn't it also kind of crazy? I mean, a string quartet in my living room... who does that? " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Exactly. " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"So you're saying you would forbid me from going? " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"Forbid? Who said forbid? I was just reminding you that there's this wedding coming up in a couple of months, and I was kind of hoping you'd save the day. Look for me... I'll be the guy in the awesome suit. Come on, Lily. It's what you've always wanted. " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Yeah, but there's a lot of things I've always wanted, and I haven't done any of them. I'm sorry. I just need to do this before settling down forever. " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"So now we've gone from ""I was never gonna do it"" to ""I need to do this""? Did I leave the room at some point? When did that happen? " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Oh, maybe when you said you wouldn't let me do it. " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"I never said that! You know, if you're having these kind of doubts now, what's gonna change in three months? Maybe we just shouldn't get married at all. " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Maybe not. " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"Pause. " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"So, are you just, like, starving? " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"Totally. Red Lobster? " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Oh, lobster, lobster, lobster, you are delicious! " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"Oh, God, I love butter sauce! There's nothing bad about it. Say something bad about butter sauce, I dare you. " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"I wouldn't dare. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Ted, this is funny. Still funny. Still fu... And now it's sad. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Hey, Penelope, you sure I'm doing this right? " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Does it, uh, look anything like a real rain dance? " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Hey, Penelope, have you, uh, have you ever actually seen a rain dance performed? " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"No? " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Have you ever seen a rain dance? " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Terrific. Uh, look, I should run. I'm getting brain surgery from some guy who's seen a couple episodes of E.R. I can't believe this. We've been up here for the past hour making complete asses of ourselves. " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"How did we get here? Couple of days ago, the biggest problem in my life was, did Ted eat the last pudding snack pack in the fridge. " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"I think there's still one left. " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"Dibs. " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Unpause? " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"Unpause. " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Look... I know this sucks. It's just something I'm going through. I'm not asking you to understand it. I'm not asking you to be happy about it. I'm just asking you to support it. " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"I want to, Lily, okay? I really do. But I just can't. " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Why not? " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"Because you're scaring the hell out of me, that's why not. What if you decide to go be a painter and then you realize I don't fit in to your life anymore, and three months becomes forever? Can you promise me that that's not gonna happen? " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Marshall... " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"'Cause if you can't promise me that, we shoul just break up right now. I'm not gonna wait around for three months just to have my heart ripped out. " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Marshall, I love you. " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"Can you promise me that that's not gonna happen? " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Pause. " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"No, Lily, we cannot pause this anymore. Can you promise me that that's not gonna happen?! " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Pause! " 1x22 - Come On,Marshall,"Why do you want me to pause?! ( " 1x22 - Come On,Lily,"Thank you. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Hey, Ted. Whatcha doing? " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"A rain dance. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Dude, that's not a rain dance, that's a fat kid with a bee in his pants. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Look, I highly doubt the Great Spirit is a stickler for choreography. It's the thought that counts. She's leaving in half an hour. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"These are your awesome years. You're wasting them on this girl. This isn't gonna work! " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Yeah. I know that. " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Well, then why are you doing this? " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Because I love her. I love her! I told her that the first night we went out, and here it is, eight months later, and nothing's changed. So yes, I know this isn't gonna work. But it has to work! You hear me, universe? This is Ted Mosby talking! Give me some rain! Come on! Come on! Come on...! " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"Oh, come on! " 1x22 - Come On,Barney,"How about that? He did it. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Robin! Hey, Robin! " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"My camping trip got rained out. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"I know. I'm sorry. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"It's not your fault. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Yeah, it is. Come down here. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"It's pouring. You come up. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"No, you have to come down here. " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"Why? " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"Why? Because I made it rain, that's what I did today! And that's enough. I-I've done my part. Now, get down here! " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"I'm not dressed, Ted. No. Come up. " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"I'm not coming up there, Robin, I'm not. You have to come down here! " 1x22 - Come On,Robin,"I was gonna... " 1x22 - Come On,Ted,"I know. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Please do not. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Please, stop. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Mom, mom, it's good. You're not obliged to ask you with him. There's full of guys... " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Yeah! Finally, I... I'm glad you're happy. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Lily," Oh, congratulations! " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," We're so happy for you! " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," I love to listen to you, Mom. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," Best... " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall,"... marriage... " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Lily,"... never... " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney,"... seen. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Oh my God. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Guys, guys! Guess what Robin has done. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," You're currently whining? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," I know it's stupid, but... And the dragon. They are happy, you know? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Not as much as me, Robin. Guys, guys! Guess what Robin has done. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," And then I just tell you guys what Robin has done, but you were there for. I must tell you the rest of the wedding. Aunt Meredith! " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Robin whining during the song Clint. Oh, I've already said. The super good sister of Ted, Heather! " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," I gotta go. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," Wait, Ted. And your speech? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Inventing an emergency or anything. I... I... I'll get it. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," Ted, Ted, what are you doing? It is the marriage of your mother! " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Uncle Larry, sky gods. Niagara Falls. It is empty. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Lily," Seriously, Ted is fine? I mean, I know that the weekend was hard, but hey... it's weird radio silence. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," I know. His mother called such five times to ask where he was. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Sorry Robin. They are all out of pretzels. And I know how you're emotional. Shh. Leave it alone. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," Okay! Okay, I... I cried during the song Clint. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," She cried to the song of Clint. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Hi, guys. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Lily," Ted, where were you? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," Is that okay? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Oh, that's fine. I'm in top form. Go. We'll take a look! " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," Hey, man, you would not possibly let someone who does not like a kind of mania old driving license? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Lily," Yeah, but where we're going to end? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," First, let me tell you what happened on the wedding day. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Watching my mother to marry, I realized how I was late in relation to it on my life. I'm just going to leave here. So I walked into my hotel room and I went on a website where I go sometimes when I have trouble sleeping. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Lily," We do not want to know what you do on the internet when you feel alone. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," I have not spent... It is not that part of the night I was talking about. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," I was on my favorite site for real estate auction... Come on, we all did... visit some properties on the site. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Guys... I just bought the house of my dreams. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Lily," What, are you saying that you bought the house? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," I mean, I put an online auction and I won the next day and I was accepted. I have just finalized all the paperwork. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," And that was fine with Blair Witch, and she tried to haggle on closing costs? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," Try not to laugh with you that, man. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," So, I thought this piece would be the desktop. You see, a place just for dad. I mean, kids can come if they read a book, but no toy. This is not about to hold my love. It is rather a question of drawing a boundary. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," Whoa. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Lily," Ted, you're barge. It will take years and a small fortune for it to be liveable. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," I'm an architect. I would find a way. And if I start now, this is over so that my wife and I can move. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Is it in the room with us right now, Ted? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Okay, okay. I know. I have not found Ms. Mosby yet, but I will get it. Knock on wood. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," Look out, man. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Lily," Ted, you can not go on like this where you will make your life. It does not work like that. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," Yeah, I agree. This is perhaps the dumbest thing you've ever done. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," The dumbest thing that ON've ever done. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," Okay, well. Ted let alone a little, right? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Thank you. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," Okay? We all did stupid stuff in our lives. For example, I remember once when I put the rocket in the bathroom and tried to put them to dry in the microwave. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," My God, you had to be completely stuffed. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," No, it's too dumb to whether adult. It should be child when it happened. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," Children? Why... " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Put rockets in... " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," Oh, my God, guys! Great new game: ""Drunk or child? ""I was what? Guess. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Lily," Bourre. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," Bourre. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Gamin. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Gamin. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," Drum roll, please. I was... Drunk! " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," You know, I'm glad Robin have guessed. Because it is really sensitive and fragile. I talk about the times she cried during the song Clint. And while I whisper, I hope she hears me. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," It was not me! " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Lily," What? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," It's not me who cried during the song Clint. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," Are you crying? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," I know it's silly, but... And the dragon. They are happy, you know? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," Not as much as me. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," I shall spin you 500 dollars if it happened to you instead of me. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," $ 500? No worries. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Thank you, Robin. You saved me an explanation and an excruciating public humiliation. Guys! Guys! Guess what Robin has done. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Wait, you're... " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Oh, great! I began to think that you would not come. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Hmm. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Wait, wait. You will inspect the place where now? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Well, yeah. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," Okay! Well! Well, just remember that we all did stupid stuff in our lives, okay? For example, once I tried to cycle on an extension ladder to a roof of a two-story house. The only question is I was a kid or drunk? Drum roll, please. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," I was... " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," A kid! Mom, are you? You always make a fuss about nothing. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Hey, check the porch, huh? Go. I will put a gate there.Every Sunday here, it'll be a huge party sausage. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," Hmm... sausage party? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Burgers, burgers will be made. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Lily," Ted, stop that. You can not keep this house. This is a huge mistake. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Lily, listen to me. I had a plan, right? A woman, a house, children, and it turned out that the universe is really shit to what is the wife and children. So what is the thing I can control? The house I bought. It's not a huge mistake. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," Exactly. Now, I currently drive the car of my brother in the opposite direction on I-94. Now that was a big mistake. I was... a kid. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," Wow, Barney. You've been crying about this guy or what? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Lily," You see, you should have waited to see all the problems that home. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," You can always have problems with any decision, but you can not let that stop you. First day in college, Marshall knew he wanted to spend his life with you. And if someone was there to contradict his decision? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," I know this is our second hot date but, Lily Aldrin, I will marry you. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," But Marshall took the risk, and that's the best thing that ever happened to you both. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," It was Robin! ""What! ""Yes, it was Robin who cried at the song Clint! But she said... I know what she said. But that's not what she wanted you to know. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," Look, Barney, I support most all these jokes about me crying. And if I claim to prove it was you who was crying, that you would not be a problem? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Of course. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," I made a mistake in letting you go, right? Your penis is huge. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Lily," Boy, you've almost had us still. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," You're always a little too far. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Shit. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Really? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," And if I had already bought the son of a bitch? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," He said he had found a tramp? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Ok, yes. There are problems. But I see this house as I know it can be. I see a swing on the tree outside. I see a crown on the front door at Christmas. I see a barbecue outside on the patio or I would make Barbec every weekend. I see a life I know I can be here. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," I see a complaint. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," Hey, good, good news is that the inspector has k*ll some cockroaches at the time of impact. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Lily," Oh, stay there. Huge hole on the second floor. I just want to be sure the report is accurate. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," You were right. It was a huge mistake. It's just that... the world is changing, but me... You have a flat 'for years. It's getting serious between Robin and Don. Barney, perhaps this is a new tie? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Thank you. My God. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Now my mother remarried. I... I'm exactly the same spot 5 years ago. I'm tired. I'm... I'm ready for life that goes with this house. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," OK, buddy. Sometimes people make bad decisions in life. Like your mother. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," What do you mean? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Ted, as you know, I've always been really, really addicted to your mother. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Please, stop. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Actually, Virginia and I spent a special time in 2006.Before Clint. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," What are you talking about? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," I wanted to be your father! " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," What does that mean? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Do not answer me, young man. That's why I cried at the song of Clint. Because that bastard stole your mother. And now all that remains for me... is the memory of the drop at the airport. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," And that's how you got the pin? Incredible. You... So... here we go. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," It is a good time. Not much traffic... " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Is it true? Hmm. I can... Listen... Ted's mother. I... I should really... " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," Again?! One too many! " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Okay, that's good. Well, I invented the last, but everything else, I swear it was true. Come on, man. Your mother is a cougar. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," Wait, I thought you said that a cougar could not be more than 50 years. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Okay, this is a Mellencamp. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Guys, I'm in trouble. I mean, the best I can do is to improve the house and sell the property with great losses. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Lily," Listen, Ted... Usually in life, when you make a huge mistake, you must learn to live with. But how many times you got the chance to take a mass break out and all? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," It's silly. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Barney," Your mother and I were at second base. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Thank you Lily. It was fantastic. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Lily," A Ted Mosby, owner, friends, and if he can rent it, Slumlord. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," There... there is one last thing I should do. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Robin," It was our turn. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Hi. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," I have not been able to make your speech. I was selfish and I freaked out and I'm so sorry, so... and here... ""A hand sign for the Dj? Dee made the sign... ""I pass. ""Mom, I love you, and I've never seen him so happy with Clint. And Clint, welcome in the family... what you both is what I'd really like to have someday. But in the meantime, health to you both. I love you. "" " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Hey. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," Hey, man. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," How did you know that I would be here today? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," Robin told me. Happy Housewarming! " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," But I told you the last time I saw you I was coming home. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," I know what you said. I also know my best friend, Ted Mosby. Listen... for all time, all the years I have told you... ""Slow! Not go too fast with this girl! ""You've not heard a single f*cking time. Your heart is both drunk and child. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," Please stay here with me, man. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," That's what I do. " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Ted," I can... I can give you some ideas I have? " 5x20 - Home Wreckers,Marshall," Yeah. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Friends, tonight is the night. I invite Tiffany home to see my collection of vintage cameras. " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," It's the lure of Ted. " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," Bait? " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," A true gentleman invents an excuse to bring home a respectable lady. Something interesting or beautiful that can claim to admire for 5 minutes before it starts on the track. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," As if she had to ""borrow a book"" or ""listen to old vinyl."" " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," Or see your new poster rap. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," Post rap? On which it would work? " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," It was the first week of college. I was way into Wu-Tang Clan. " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," It's tricky. It must be interesting enough that the girl up, but not too much not to spoil the evening. " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," The slot machine is too much fun. And a trampoline... that's actually too dangerous. But I finally found the perfect bait... A mini pig. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," A mini pig? On which it would work? " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," You got a mini pig? " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," You can see the mini pig? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," I can borrow your mini pig? " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," Yes, you can borrow. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," You've always been so beautiful? You're going out on ""In high school I was super shy and I in my skin""? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Seriously? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," You got a boyfriend? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Okay. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," He is or not? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Do you understand anything? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Someone does not want to lose his Dark Brown. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," She gave you her hook. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," What? I am not to his hook. " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," Yes, completely. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," It gives you false hope, but it does not engage with you, but it keeps you in the corner, just in case, like... an old canned chili in the pantry. " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," Who would buy a can of chili for not eating it away? " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," Amen, sister. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," Do you feel pretty good. It is gone. It was on both sides. I was hooked and crocheter. It's good guys. I was shameless, but I did not have money problems. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," I've been hooked. Lisa Walker. See the scene... In 1994, St. Cloud, Minnesota. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," So I was, like, thinking, Lisa, do, perhaps you want, like, go out with me? " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," I understand. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," Okay. Wanna see my post of rap? " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," Whore posting! " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," So... Lisa Walker gave me false hope for months until one night I went to tell him how much I loved her. In song. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," She was not home yet so I waited. And expected. I woke up, covered with snow, after 4h. And then I saw them. The footprints of Lisa. She had passed right by me to the house. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," It was fine in the end. It freed me from its hook. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," That's not the same with me and Tiffany. Listen. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," ""Right now"" is the catch phrase of choice. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," ""For now"" you draw a picture of a future where everything will be magical, but in truth, it'll never happen. " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," It's like that. ""I can not be with you"". ""For now."" " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," I think my high school boyfriend Scooter, is a little to my hook. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," A little? Completely. The poor showed up at our wedding hope you recover. " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," It's weird when I see him at work. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," Wait. What? " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," Scooter works in the Ikea cafeteria 'school. We talked. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," We certainly do not talk about that! " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," But if. I talked to full time. ""Scooter canteen."" " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," I thought you was talking about a long-awaited means of transport, carrying such poor canteen. " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," It explains a lot. " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," Scooter canteen was still there today. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," You're mounted on it? You did a tour? " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," No! " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," Really? In your place I would have rode this scooter all day to break it into two. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," So these poor women must still walk? Expect. Scooter works in your school? " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," Are you jealous? " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," I feel bad for Scooter. It took this job just because he thinks he has a chance with you. You must ensure that he understands that it is wrong for it turns the page and gets a real work canteen. Shit! " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," I tried! " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," Let me be clear, Scooter. There is no way that you and I are together. For now. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," ""For now""? You got to the earnest Scooter? You must release your scooter hook. " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," You're right. Tomorrow, that's what I'll do. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," Why not tomorrow? " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," I can not spoil the Tijuana Tuesday. " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," Really? You really gonna sit and watch the door all night because Tiffany said she would try to pass? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," I will not give up. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," This girl is special. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," It will get better with Tiffany. " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," Ted, let me be clear. That girl is poison and you have to forget your life forever. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," There she is. It has led to colleagues. " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," Hold on to it. Never lets go! I have never seen more beautiful girls. They all work with Tiffany? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Yep. " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," There can be only one explanation for that. Tiffany is a representative... e, pharmaceuticals? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," How do you know? " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," And you never thought to say? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," What? It's just a job. " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," That a b... Since time immemorial there has always been a professional edge to which girls g*n, like Tiffany, have flocked. I'll redo the story? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," I will not say explicitly. " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," It began 2.5 million years ago. The man was a hunter.So the profession's sexiest moment? Picker. h*m* erectus, indeed. With improved technology, the profession's sexiest moment was changing. I'm sure it's a hernia. You can double-check? And then the man grabbed the heavens. So girls sexy stiletto heels began and became a flight attendant. I'm right and ready to fire. Then the man said, ""Life is hard. I should start taking lots of drugs. "" So sexy girls landed in medical offices, hot enough to make these pills erection ironically unnecessary. So today, girls are pharma's sexiest moment. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Okay. In fact, you've dumped your loser of guy? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," She touched my nose. " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," Largue Tiffany and join the Barnacle in a buffet of girls pharma. There may be loss of clothing, knees b*rned, respiratory weakness and sore abs the next day. That the world give a damn five?! " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," I know you're having trouble dropping Scooter. I decided that you need training. And you say that the problem is his sad eyes? Okay, shut up, woman. Now I want you to look this mini pig and you tell him it is impossible for you to be with him one day. " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," Mini Pig, it is impossible that I may one day with you. For now. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," Go! Be a man! " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," I'm sorry, but it is just so cute. I just want to cuddle him all day. Oh, yes. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," You know, it's funny. I remember when you told me stuff like that. " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," I still do. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," Not as much. Not as much. " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," There's no nights like with pharma pharma because the nights never stop! Dude, I've flirted with three of them. The fantasy. In addition, my cholesterol is low. My restless legs syndrome is cured. I am more alive than ever. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Friends, good news. Tiffany broke up with her boyfriend. So I'm not the hook. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," You're always on the hook. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Look what we did yesterday. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," First, it was spoiled. Then we shared a chocolate cake.Then, well, I did not used to join the discussions of changing rooms, but I made her a foot massage... rather sensual. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," And let me guess: it's not gone further than that. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Well, no, but... " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," And tell me, would you have accidentally made this chocolate cake? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," It was a pre-made. " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," There's no shame to admit it. We were all hooked and we all hooked someone. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," I've never done that. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," Are you kidding? And this daughter of the university library? Henrietta? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Henrietta and I are just friends. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," It is too much to your hook. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Absolutely not. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," You like to have Henrietta close for the same reason that Tiffany likes to have you close, it flatters the ego. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," You amaze me that such an expert is to keep people on your hook. And this poor cameraman your job? " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," Mike and I are just friends. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Come on. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," Yeah, right. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," If you mean to do my laundry, I'm starting lineup. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," What! I do not keep Mike in my hook. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," You're Captain Hook. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," Dude, I'm a girl. Our female parts are like a cobweb.Sometimes you jokes of things you want to. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," That's not why it's good. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," And Henrietta, in any way, are not losing time with you, huh? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Henrietta knows we're just friends. In fact, I'll call and get away with it tonight, friends. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," No, that's fine. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Hello? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Hey Tiffany! " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," I would love that. What are you doing here? Great. See you in 10 minutes. Super. Sorry, Henrietta, something unexpected.We redo it, my friend? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," It works, yeah. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Champagne? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Whatever it is, we can talk now. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Now that I think a call would have been nice. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," Come on, Lily. You must drop Scooter. Try it again. " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," Mini pig... I do not wanna be with you. For now. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," Act like a man! " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," Mini pig... I do not wanna be with you. Ever. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," Finish him! " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," It will never be together in any sexual way again. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," Well done. Weird thing to say to a pig. " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," Really bad. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," You know what? That will not work between us... ever. I'm done. And that's really better for traffic if you weight the arch with your thumbs. Now I'm done. " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," I can do it alone. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," So prove it. And... take me a pudding. " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," Listen, Scooter. There is no way we ever be together. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," Right now! I'm sorry but he is adorable. " 5x16 - Hooked,Lily," Listen. I want to be with you. " 5x16 - Hooked,Marshall," So far. Hang in there. I will not be eternal. " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," Yesterday I was with this girl so sexy that pharma should call a doctor if you have no erection for more than 4h. I have no reason people? " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," There is no one. Just the girl with whom you came out recently. " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," It's over. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," What? " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," The girls of pharma are more than g*n. This is the end of an era. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," You're a little dramatic. " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," Really? It starts with a Gladys. And suddenly, a few gay guys not so fabulous fall into the ranks. And before you know it, the girls look like pharma team to a Southwest flight to Albuquerque in Little Rock. It's over! " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," I'm done. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," It's worse. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Yeah, there was a... " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," What did you do? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Honestly, I thought to marry him just out of sheer embarrassment. But I did the right thing. I did what anyone who has someone should hook her. I would have broken my heart. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Henrietta, I'm sorry if it's brutal but I think you duty. I do not wanna be with you. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," Ever. " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," It was violent. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," Sorry, big guy. Honesty is hard, but ultimately it is the softer alternative. I must tell you something. You've finished the laundry fragile? " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," It can wait. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," How are you? " 5x16 - Hooked,Ted," You still broies black to the end of the era of the daughters of pharma? " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," I've realized that their reign had to stop to give way to a sexy new profession. It may be... communications officer in an intergalactic spaceship to a distant solar system that we can imagine. Maybe it will be... contract. It is not known. But one thing is certain. The future shines... as a huge sun throwing rays of orange light over our heads and our spirits. " 5x16 - Hooked,Robin," Why change your mind? " 5x16 - Hooked,Barney," The realization that hope springs eternal. Ca and the little purple pill box found in my bag. I do not know what they are, but they are amazing! " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted,"Future Kids, I know you think that you've heard every story from back before I met your mother. But there are some stories you tell and some stories you don't. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Oh my God. Barney...oh my God. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Use your words, Ted. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," OK. Barney, I'm about to go for the belt. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," The belt? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," The belt. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," But that's impossible. You were up here less than half an hour ago. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," Yes, advantage Ericksen. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Don't get cocky. Wimbledon lasts a fortnight. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," Fortnight. British words are so cool. Plus, did you know lawyers there get to wear wigs? I wear a wig to work, I'm a jackass. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," All right, I'm ready, let's hit it. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," Can't go. Tournament. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," What? We agreed, I suited up. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," You take too long to get ready " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," What are you talking about? I got the low-maintenance, just-rolled-out-of-bed look. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," Yeah, which takes an hour and a half of waxing, tugging and teasing to achieve. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," And then he starts on his hair. Ace. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Ha ha ha ha. Look, are we going or not? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Just go without us, we'll be there in five minutes. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Really? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall,"Barney, Yes. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," All right, going down to the bar and ordering three beers, I'll see you in five minutes. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," 3 beers, 5 minutes. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," Thanks for lending me these boots. Where did you get them from? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Oh, this store in the Village had one of those crazy sales. It was a footwear feeding frenzy. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," I saw it first. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," You just made the list, bitch. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," So many questions. Firstly, what do you think would happen if a guy walked into that store wearing a suit of boots? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," You look fantastic in them, Robin. But don't you think they're a little high for that dress? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," Oh, that's the point. It's to hide the point that I haven't shaved my legs. I've g*n a strict no-shave policy for the first three dates. It's all about self-control. If I don't shave, I must behave. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," FYI, it doesn't matter, baby. Guys just wanna get on the green. They don't mind going through the rough. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," Shekwakie. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Stinson. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," All right, the beers are here. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Yeah, we're not gonna make it. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Oh come on, we agreed...Did Marshall take his pants off? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Yeah, pants are off. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," This is Wimbledon, Ted. I need the freedom and mobility that only underwear can provide. Cheerio. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Fine, I don't need friends. I got you guys. You guys are my friends, my cold refreshing friends. I'm talking to beer. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Trudy. Oh my God, I haven't seen you since... " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," That was you? Kidding. I was super wasted... that night. These are not all for me. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," No, I was gonna call you but I was so embarrassed. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Those were yours? I thought they felt kinda tight. Kidding, I don't wear underwear, ladies underwear. Often. Again, I'm kidding. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," I know, do you wanna get a... " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Let me guess, you guys met in prison. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Well, beers, what do you want to do? Stay here, or I know this other place called my belly. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Oh, that's cool, I was gonna get outta here anyway, I'm really tired. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Tired of people who fold early 'cause I am wide awake. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," OK, guys, be cool. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," Kazouwee. Vanquished, old bean. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," That's 'cause you distracted me. You've been hanging crumpet ever since the third set. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Stinson. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," I've got a situation. Trudy is here, you know, the pineapple incident. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," You mean, the girl who chalked your pool cue and snuck down the fire escape. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," So, we're hitting it off and then her friend shows up and they're kinda competitive. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," So you now have two on the line? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," And I don't know which one to go for. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Go for the new girl. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Given the choice, always party with Dr. Strangelove. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," New girl? What new girl? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Two girls are allegedly vying for Ted's affections and I think... " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Oh, you don't know what you're talking about. Give it to me. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Are they friends? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Yeah. No, I don't know. They're old sorority sisters. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Are they Betas? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Because they're all sluts and you can tell them right now I didn't wanna be in their sorority anyway. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," They're Kappas and I think I can score with one of them. I don't know which one and if I choose wrong, I lose 'em both. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," OK, well, don't worry, I'll come down and help you figure it out. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," I thought we were in for the evening. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," That's what I thought about your bangers and mash down there but I guess we're both wrong, governor. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Well, that's very complicated. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Oh, somebody should lock you girls up. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," I am never not wearing a suit again. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Hello. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," It's me, I'm at the bar. Don't look, just call me mom. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Hi Mom, how's dad's colon? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," What? What's the matter with you? Anyway, both of these girls are into you. Take your pick. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," They are? Are you sure? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Yes, of course. They're playing with their hair and touching your arm. Class green light. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Are you positive? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," That is so fascinating. So what happened? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," Wow, gosh, separating conjoined twins. That must be the most amazing feeling. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," That is so funny. You are so funny. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Positive. They both want you bad. It's a clearance sale and you're the boots, baby. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Oh, it's Robin. Good luck. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Bye mom. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," My mom. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Hello. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," Bring me a razor. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," What about the no-shave rule? What happened to your convictions? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," They've been surgically removed by Dr. Awesome. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," No, I'm not doing it. The whole point to not shaving... " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," Lily, please, he's really cute and I really like him. And he's got a British accent. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," I'm on my way. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," So, this college boyfriend, who, who won him? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," What? What, what were you guys gonna do but never did. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Nobody cares, just say it. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Well, he's right, it's a dead heat. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Neither one is giving ground. I could not tell who was the third wheel. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," It's a tricycle. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," No way, no way, no way! " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," What's happening? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," It's a tricycle. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," No way, no way, no way. It's a tricycle. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Well, I'll just say it right now, all sorority girls are sluts. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Put him on speaker. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," So what you're saying to us right now is you have a sh*t at the belt? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," Wait wait wait, what belt? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Barney and I have this running joke that the first guy to actually pull this off would win the championship belt. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," Oh, so it's a metaphorical belt, right? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Behold. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," You actually bought a belt. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," That's right, it's resplendent. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," It's just a thing we said, we were kidding around. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," I never kid. Remember you said if I ever slept with that girl from Days of our Lives, I'd be the king? Well... " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," Why wasn't I told about the belt? I could go for the belt. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," If Lily were to die before me, then I could ride the tricycle. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," If I died, I'd just come back and haunt your penis. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Guys, come on, help me out. What do I do? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," All right, Ted, if you're about to go for the belt, then the bylaws require me to ask the following questions. One, is the aggregate age of all the participants under 83? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Yes. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Two, is the aggregate weight of all participants under 400 pounds. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Yes. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Theodore Mosby, are you paying these women? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," What? No. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Ted? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," No. Look, I gotta go. They're gonna think I inherited my dad's imaginary bathroom issues. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Oh, are you guys leaving? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Right, well... " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Great, I have it right upstairs. It's in my apartment upstairs. Let's so upstairs. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," That's funny. I love that. You should tell more jokes at my apartment upstairs. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," Scenario number 12. We're in a horrific car crash, you die, I'm left paralyzed. Two sexy nurses with a six-pack of wine coolers sneak into my room late at night. I try to blink at them in morse code, ""Please, don't, I love my dead wife,"" but they're medical professionals and I gotta think somehow they're saving my life. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Fine, sleep with your nurses. Tonight you ride the unicycle. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," I already did this morning. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Hello. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," Lily, I have pounded three cappuccinos waiting for you. Pretty soon I won't have to shave, the hair is going to vibrate off my legs. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Sorry, I can't leave now. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," Lily, he can't see my legs like this. I look like a Turkish lesbian " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," There is a pharmacy across the street. Would 20 bucks buy me a razor? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Oh, hold on. Ted's texting me. We're combing upsars. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," We're combing upsars? What does that mean? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," He's coming upstairs! " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," Where are my pants? Where's my pants! " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Got 'em. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Yes, yes, but they are not here. They are somewhere else. We have total privacy because privacy is essential when you're listening to music. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," That's hilarious. You are hilarious. I'll go get it in my bedroom. The CD's in my bedroom. Bedroom. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," This is gonna be awesome. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," No! " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," What are you guys doing here? I've got, I've got... " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," We know, we know, Ted. Well done, this is very impressive. Up top. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," Yeah bro, up top. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Oh, don't be gross. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," You guys need to get out of here right now. Please, take the fire escape. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," No, no way. The other day I saw a pigeon take a crap on it and the whole thing shifted. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Oh, you can use our bedroom. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," OK, all I need to seal the deal is the Wilco CD...Barney. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," What are you doing? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," I cannot allow Ted to do this. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Why, why? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Because the belt is my birthright. You can't claim it before I do. That would be like Jimmy Olsen capturing Lex Luther while Superman watches impotently from the bedroom. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," But Barney, you've done way dirtier stuff than Ted. You're disgusting. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," I've never ridden the tricycle. I was on the verge last year, it was so close. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," So, ladies, why don't we move this party to a more horizontal location? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," I'll get the video camera. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," OK then. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Let me get this straight. You're gonna trike block me? That is so petty. It's like you're... " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," Tom Petty. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Tom Petty. You're Tom Petty. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Where's Lily? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Still looking for that CD, so... " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," What are you doing? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," I knew it. I had a hunch about that girl and I was right. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," I saw it first. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," You just made the list, bitch. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," I cannot give up my bedroom to a boot thief. She should be punished, not rewarded. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Fine, then I'll try to work in a little light spanking. Just do this for me. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," No, never. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," What if I reimburse you for the boots, full retail? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," Thanks, enjoy our bedroom. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," OK, take it. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Wish me luck. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Oh my God. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," Where's the shaving cream? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," Well, it was implied. Who buys a razor without buying shaving cream? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," Well, who's not getting a tip because of her attitude? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," Absolutely. I just have to go to the ladies room. I've got TB...tiny bladder. I'll meet you out front? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," You've gotta be kidding me. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," Excuse me. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," So, I'm having a little trouble finding the CD. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Exactly. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," It's getting late, I'll get your coats. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted,"Lily: I'll get your coats? I don't know why I said that. Why did I say that? It's the opposite of what I meant. I wanna take clothes off them, not put more on. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," I'll get your coats? I don't know why I said that. Why did I say that? It's the opposite of what I meant. I wanna take clothes off them, not put more on. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," Ted, you're ruining this for everyone. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Leave him alone! Sometimes even the greatest warriors sh**t themselves in the foot. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney,"Lily: What are you talking about? If you must know, it wasn't a freak beverage malfunction that stopped me from riding the tricycle that night. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," What are you talking about? If you must know, it wasn't a freak beverage malfunction that stopped me from riding the tricycle that night. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Oh no, the night's ruined! " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Yes it is. Whatever this night was heading towards is ruined. Where's my coat? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Marshall," Why would you do that to yourself? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Because you get up in your head, man. Start thinking, I can't do this. It's two women. That's two of everything, four of some things. The logistics alone are enough to cripple even a pro like me. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," See? If a complete degenerate like Barney choked, what chance do I have? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," The best chance in the world. Fear took the belt from me. Fear rode the tricycle that night, my friends. But fear will not get a second turn. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," It won't? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," No, because I now realize it isn't my destiny to win the belt. It is my destiny to help my friend win it. Ted is fated to go there first. He is our Neil Armstrong. Space-suit-up, Ted, 'cause you're going to the moon. Step 1. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Ladies, couldn't find your coats but I did find tequila. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Wait, wait wait, a remote control fire place? We don't have a remote control fire place. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Right, that's my apartment. Dressing gown's mine too. Damn, this should be me. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Why would I want to tire them out? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," That's your excuse to unleash pretext for physical contact number one. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," It's 'cause I used to practice all the time on my grandmother. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Why in God's name would I say that? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," It's endearing, you're a caregiver. Never take family values out of the equation. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," I was just thinking about this documentary I saw once about something called a supervolcano. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," OK, what the hell. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," OK, wait for it. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Could happen at any time and obliterate all life on earth, which is why I live by three simple words. Don't postpone joy. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Yeah. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Mortality angle, that's actually pretty good. I can do this. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Yes you can. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Lily," I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I'm actually moved. Bring it in, guys. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," All right. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," I'll see you on the other side. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted,"Barney: So, what happened next? Did you do it? Doesn't seem right to talk about it. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," So, what happened next? Did you do it? Doesn't seem right to talk about it. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," What? No! Tell me. Don't tell me because you don't have to because you didn't do it. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," You didn't do it. You did it. You did it, didn't you? Did you? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," You didn't do it. Yes, you did. You did. No, you... Just tell me! " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Ted," Some stories you tell, some stories you don't. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Because you didn't do it. He didn't do it. You did it, you did it, you did it. Tell me, did you? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Ted, belt. " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Did you? Did you? Or didn't you? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Barney," Did? Tell me. You know if he did it? " 3x03 - Third Wheel,Robin," I'm here, I'm fine, my head is bleeding. Going down again. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Stella! Glad to see you again! " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," And Tony! What a nice surprise. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Robin," ""What a nice surprise""? No, a nice surprise would have been a safe falls from 40 stories e crushes them both. You let yourself do? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," We had a friendly discussion and we resumed our respective paths. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Robin," You're f*cked up. He f*cked up, right? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," Well played, sir. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall," Well done. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Robin," What? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall," You know, Ted has played cool, that's exactly what he should do. In fact, I would say on a scale of... " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall,"... up... " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall," I think you've been great. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," I would say even more. You, sir, did think Stella. ""Ted looked so cool now. Do I chose the wrong? ""Wait a week. The bush on the back. And belly. Have you felt that? There was an earthquake ""Tope-there"". " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," I am not on the back. Or stomach. I want to move forward.And it was an important step towards that. The future. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," I know. I'm better than you. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Sold! " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," No, between. It's not weird at all. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Sad? No. I think what you call sorrow was only... jovial nonchalance. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Why are you here? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," I met lots of girls. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," I switched to running a small business. This is the lung of the economy. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall," Tony is rich? Tell me that you wrote a check. Tell me that you did a very big check. So big that he not remove his shirt to go swimming. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," It's a very big check. IF big, that if you sleep with, you would not tell your friends. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall," It's a very big check. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Robin," So big, that when you sit next to on the plane, you wonder if the check would not have had to buy two seats. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall," It's... " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," A very big check! " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Yeah! He has not signed a check. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," A job? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," No thank you. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall," What do you mean ""no thank you""? You'd be a great teacher. You are an expert, you can talk, and when necessary, you can get to grow a beautiful beard. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," I will not be a professor. That's what you do when your career is in trouble and you have to pay the bills. Manager of small business. The lung of the economy. I will not take this job, okay? I'll get through. New topic. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," Okay. Today, I had a $ 200 fine for speeding. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall," That sucks, dude. You did not manage to blow it up? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," You can not blow a fine. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall," I have done. It was... when? In 1998. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall," There is no fire. In fact, you know, there's a fire in the barbecue where I go. Nothing special. Burgers, chops...merguez. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall," Yeah, merguez. My mother's marinated in beer for 2 days. That's it. It's weird, I could have sworn that what those big, succulent smoked sausages had writing on it. Bizarre.You were saying? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall," It said: ""Ownership of Minnesota police, Jorgensen.""You like merguez, Jorgensen agent? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," I would have done that too, if I went to a barbecue.Slim, I went there. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall," It's all in the assessment of your enemy. I knew he loved the sausages because he was out of breath just by coming to my car and he had mustard on his holster. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Robin," Handling a police officer with your sausage. It's sexy. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," You think I can not blow a fine? You think I can not blow my fine? I am Barney Stinson, master of manipulation. If I managed to make me pay for a stripper to dance, I can blow a fine. Challenge accepted... wait. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," I understand. ""Ack-Ted. ""I understood. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," What now? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Tony, I do not need your help. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Now that's a very big check. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," Let's go. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," Of course, officer. On. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," So, what's good? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," $ 375! And he kept the gift certificate. Emilio and I'll call him tell him to shorten the crotch. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Robin," You're wrong about that, man. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," Anything, Robin. Like you've already blown a fine. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall," Are you kidding? Robin is a pretty girl. They have no fines. I bet she was often stopped and has never had. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Robin," This is outrageous! And relevant. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Robin," Thank you. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," Excuse me. I left something in New Jersey. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Robin," How was your lunch with the rich? It started well. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," I want to design a home that showcases the landscape without dominating. IN 1935, when Frank Lloyd Wright designed the house to the waterfall... " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," The laundry room? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall," Gruesome? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Gruesome. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Robin," Ted, it looks like this guy asks you to design... " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," A deadly house. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Robin," That's it. A house of horror. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," The steak is very rare. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Do not you? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," It's a bit serious, huh? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Robin," You can not do this house! " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," I will not do. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall," You can not do it! " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," I will not do it! " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," Come on. Mr. Officer, please, my wife is having a baby! She just lost the waters! " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," She took the other car. It's Italian leather, so... I... go... " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Stop! I do not want your help, OK? You did not do that. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Why? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Let me reassure you. I do not want to Stella. She lied to me, dumped me at the altar. Who can do that? I'm better off without her. It is all yours, buddy. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Stella? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Tony left you? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Robin," You did break Tony and Stella? Really sorry, but I must insist that you topes there. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Let's talk in the hallway. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Robin," I'll wait. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Why are you here? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," No, it's not what happens. Tuck, Mrs. Matsen. Delighted to have you review, Stella. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," What? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Yes, it's cruel to ask it. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," You love her? What, you do call my romance? It's your strategy? Because this guy is gone. You can have me over like that. I am attached to nothing, thanks to you. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Enter! " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," OK, you can do it. You can do it! You can do it. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," Licensing and registration papers. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," You must have a permit to be as pretty. And this body? I imagine that something as expl*sive must be registered with the authorities. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," Why, am I under arrest? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Robin," False. This has never happened. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Marshall," It's from a p*rn. I saw him. Shit, I did. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," When will you understand the difference between my life and a p*rn is that my life has better lighting. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Robin," You're lying. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," I'm not lying! I swear on my mother. I swear Goliath National Bank. I swear on my costumes. I... do... mens... not. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Enter! " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," No. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," It's me! This is Barney. With the help! I have big problems! " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Slow down. What's going on? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," I imagine that something as expl*sive must be registered with the authorities. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," Why, am I under arrest? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," No, my wife will give birth! I have a sausage with your name! " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," You must come to Brazzaville, in New Jersey to take me out. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," I'm a little busy. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," Come on. You have no idea what kind of criminals with whom they put me. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," Save me, Ted! " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," You wanna do something for me? I have to go in New Jersey. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," By the way, how's the girl you see? This superb French with huge tits? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," You talk about Claudette? She is fine. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," The highest good of all those with whom you're never out! Ever! " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," I talk to Tony. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," I want you to be happy. I will speak to him. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Just tell me one thing. Why Tony? I mean, it's money, pajamas kung fu? Finally... What is it? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Good. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," I will say out loud something that I had managed not to say out loud. Have you, Tony and you... That at one point I thought I had with you... I know that Marshall and Lily... I want that. I want to. I keep waiting and waiting for that to happen and... I guess I'm just... tired of waiting. And that's all I have to say about it. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Really? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Ted," Really? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," She was found two days later, in the directory. I've never put my name in my underwear. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," You're back! " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Lily," When listening to this joke of peanut butter and jam, I was completely disgusted. But this morning in the shower, I thought about it and it made me laugh. Peanut butter. So I think I could win. According to Marshall. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," It's good to see you, Lily. " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Lily," Thank you. So what's new? " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Barney," I'm in a world of amnesia with lots of pictures of my son and an alliance. I will find the best woman / woman and we will... " 4x23 - As Fast as She Can,Lily," OK, that's enough for tonight. I'll go slowly. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," Hi! " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Hi. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," It is freezing outside. Where is your jacket? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," I'm Canadian. No need to coat. This kind of weather does not scare me. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," It looks like a spring day in Minnesota, there was no q'il all the taxis, the skyscrapers and the blacks. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," There are no black people? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Not if Prince is on tour. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," my sister's plane arrived an hour ago, or would like a meteorologist, hurricane between Heather on Lands. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," Go. It's not like that. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," That's the history of Heather. It has been six years and three high schools for his baccalaureate. She took the opportunity to ruin two cars, being married for five days, and spent nine weeks in a tree only to find that no one intended to k*ll him. And there, Heather said she moved to New York. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," Great news. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," It will not come out. Remember when she talked of going to college here? And then the day of admission... " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," Where are my TV and my couch? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," Nothing but the TV is 2000 balls. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," Wait. Where are you? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," Damn. This is Barney. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," And? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," Since that time Heather happening in New York, Ted has never left the Barney show. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," I never will. Every year, when the greeting card of Mosby happens... " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," If I could see her naked. If I could see her naked. If I could see her naked. And fours. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," Ted has a little sister who is so playful every day. And if I meet with her breasts, I will play! Little sister, Little Sister!What? I can also celebrate Hanukkah. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," It's still him. I should answer. Hello, Barney. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," Hi. What are you doing tonight? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," We go to Marshall and Lily get a full Kathy Bates, Misery exception. Want to go? He hung up. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," Hi kid. It looks to go. How are things at home? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," I know. She looks good? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," Answer. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," Why, hello. I was expecting you. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," One second. It is not our chair. You've made yourself? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," I needed one that rotates. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," How did you know that Heather was coming? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," Do not tell me anything! You know I can not keep secrets if it's almost Christmas! Robin offers you an iPod! " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," Can I talk to one second in the kitchen? Not touch the chair. I praise him. I can not believe that thou hast hid thy sister all these years. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," Really? You're like ""Weird Al"" Yankovic to write that song on how to jump my sister. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," First, I'm flattered. Then it's just jokes. A friend can joke on a friend's sister. Does not mean I'm going to act. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," I love my sister, and as a big brother, it's my job to protect guys like you. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," You do not trust me? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," No. And it either. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," Okay. All right. I'll just... take my chair and leave. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," Wait... Rest... Back... Lily and I were dining out with Heather Sunday. Want to go? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," I have already called to add a person. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," You really can not tell Lily. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," No, nothing really... " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Hi everyone. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," This is Robin. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Turn drink. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," And you? Hey, man! You got anything in the leg? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," You went to the hospital? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," I love the guys here. This is real guys. Without shampoo or manicure. The guys from New York are 10% chick. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Go. You're wrong. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," I'll take the vichyssoise with a hint of cream. Dairy ballonnent me. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," Really? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," Let me think. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," It, it means he will not. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," We'll talk later, OK? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," You do not have any illusions. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," You're my sister. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," There he just says the obvious. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," I just think you have no idea of the difficulty of succeeding in New York. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," Exactly. Do you need relationships. If only Ted knew someone who works at, say... Goliath National Bank, then...expect. What? I work for Goliath National Bank. Incredible! " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," My God! This is Fisherman's Quest? I played all the time FQ at the time! " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Oh, yeah? I have the best score. Without boasting, I caught... a pike of almost 1 m. The biggest fish virtual nobody has ever taken. Finally... freshwater. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," I'll take my hat fisherman. Thank you for bringing me here. This is mine. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," It's not a good idea. Heather and Barney alone in his office? And I do not want to be guarantor for the lease. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," It ripens, just as you see it yet. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," It is about a girl who got caught for stealing, eight months ago. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," Ted, many women have a period kleptomaniac. And yes, maybe sometimes they happen to mow a small object because it excites them in a strange way they are not explained. But... If it reassures you, I will accompany them to GNB, tomorrow. I will say that I'm going to lunch with Marshall, but in fact I espionnerai. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," It suits me. Good luck tomorrow at the GNB. I'm sure you will impress them. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," And I espionnerai. And shit! " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," ""I drink to forget the 1999 NFC Championship""? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," The match. The Vikings were 2 minutes to go to the Super Bowl, when our striker, who had not missed a year's messed up a penalty and we lost in overtime. Damn! " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Yes. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," My father, I had never seen him cry in my life, wiped away a tear. He said... ""A small part of me just died, son. "" " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," I love the passion you have for your Vikings. It's like looking for hockey in Canada... What? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Do not let... anyone here know that you're not from Minnesota. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," Why? They will do anything q'ils learn that I am... " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," Bemidji. Bemidji, Minnesota. Go Vikes! " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," Very friendly, the security camera, too. And there is one another. And a security guard. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," Yes. You got the job yet. Must push the door, not pull.And that's it. Thank you for having watched yesterday. Maybe I was wrong. She seems to have been able to manage with Barney. It will perhaps manage New York. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," Not enough! " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," Why? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," I have a secret. No! It has not happened. It happened something. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," It's been what? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," Nothing. After the interview Heather, I went to see Marshall one time, when I came back... " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," My God! " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," Before you say or do something, give me a favor. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," What? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," Move away. It's a Prada. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," I'm really sorry. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," I knew it. I've always known. It remained the same trail irresponsible. And when I see Barney... " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," You will say nothing. Ted, Heather begged me not to tell you. She hate me if she knows that I sneaked. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," And how! " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," You see? She has not bought the briefcase! It is responsible! And no chance that she slept with someone here.She turns the page. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Hi everyone! " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," So my father and I were in the NFC championship game by 99. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," I said, good evening everyone! " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," And when we missed the penalty and lost... " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," Holy shit! f*cking. My father that I had never seen him cry in my life, wiped away a tear and said, ""A small part of me just died, son. "" " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," That's what I tell my son. If I am fortunate to have a son, I will call Rashad Tarkenton. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Beautiful story! But it seems a bit familiar. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," I know! They all bought into. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," I see what you do. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," What? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," I've brought here because... I was sorry for you. And there, it looks like you're trying to steal my bar. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," You think I'm trying to steal your bar? Host. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," No, I... " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," What was that? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," With the nearby Canada, Minnesota, we like to make jokes on your back and they are often on the same theme. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," As fear of the dark? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Yes. For example, everyone, how many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb? ""What? No, the bulb is dead? I'm afraid! "" " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," This is stupid. Why do you think Canadians are afraid of the dark? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Where do prejudices? A stereotype appears, and suddenly, it spreads like fire. Asians misbehave, the Scots are stingy, the Brazilians are too many stamps. I doubt it works.You can not hang out with people who belittle your beloved country. I take you back. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," No, wait. I have something to say. Everyone. Let me tell you something about Canadians. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Please, no scene. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," Why Canadians are not of birthday wishes? Because they are too afraid to put out the candles. My God, I love this place! " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," I think your prospects are good for GNB. U you have shown me that you can take any position. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," This is the new coasters? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," I hope you get the job. Nothing makes me happier than to fill an opening. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," I swear, these coasters are thicker. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," OK, enough! I can not believe you hast slept with my sister! " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," You've sneaked? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," You know what? It's a new batch of old coasters. I will confirm with the bartender. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," Come on. Lily saw you. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," Oh yeah? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," You see, Ted, you have so little faith in me and Heather... " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," And as we can count on Lily to sneak. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Lily," My God! " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," What? Why do this? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," Ted, you know, I'm not a saint. And yes, it is true that the times I drove your mother at the airport, say that there has been a... sexually confused and confusing time in the parking lot, but I said I draguerai not your sister, and I thought. You should have me believe. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Barney," Your mother and I, we kissed. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," You can catch two fish with a hook. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," No, but I can catch a fish and use this one to catch the other. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," It is Canadian! Robin is Canadian! She is Canadian.It comes not from Bemidji and she knows bugger all about the Vikings. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," During the 1999 NFC Championship, when the Vikings lost... " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall,"... who was the scorer who missed the penalty? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," Rashad Tarkenton. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Gary Anderson. He is retired. It was a case of fly fishing... in Canada. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," You know what? I'm glad you know it because I am proud to be Canadian. It was not a good NFL team or Prince, but we invented Trivial Pursuit. Anything, the Earth! In addition, in Canada, you can go to a strip club full of alcohol and order. And yeah. Moosejaw in the Bay of Fundy, you can whistle your pint of Pilsner while watching a minor girl to get naked. Jealous? In Canada, people do not care where you come from, as you are whisked away nice and possibly a cigarette, or when a donut. I am proud to come from the ""Great White North""... and I want to be right now. And was not afraid of the dark. Finally, we do not really like, but like everyone else. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," Merry Christmas. Look into it. If you push around the...Not down the middle. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," Got it. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," You know why? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," I want to know you. The new you. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Ted," By the way, in your new neighborhood, you should put a good lock on your door. If you want... live. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Sorry about what happened inside. I was stupid. I should say anything. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," I'm sorry. That was your cue. I should not have my own.But every year during the holidays, I am homesick. And so far, every year, I had a reason to stay: a boyfriend, a job or something. But... This year, for the first time, I have nothing. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," But if. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," What? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," We love you all. If you ever leave again in Canada, we jump on a plane, you are pursuing, and after that Barney has dragged some of the club with which you have spoken, we will bring you here where you are supposed to be. This is not New York without Robin Scherbatsky. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," Thank you. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Yeah. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," I miss sometimes. I wish I could close my eyes and find myself one hour in Canada. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," I was hoping that you say that. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," How did you find this place? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Just like home, eh? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," There's only one way to know. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," It's OK. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," thank you. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," OK. You come home in him, he apologized and you file a donut free? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," It's like home. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," Sorry! All is well! Sorry. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," No one likes the dark. " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Robin," You were a member? You sing what? " 4x11 - Little Minnesota,Marshall," I think you will recognize. I will throw your body anyway. I will throw your body into Canada Day! Dude, you can split the screen. We know the words. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Okay, I have one last paper due at 5:00 p.m. today, so until then, I will be at the law library at school, but I'm not to be disturbed for any reason. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Dude, open your eyes. You're going to hurt yourself. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"No, no. Christmas Eve winter wonderland is my reward for finishing my paper. Baby, do I smell your Sinfully Cinnamon Cookies? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Yes. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Damn me and my heightened other senses. Must be strong. Okay, I'll be back here at 5:00. Save me at least 20 cookies and do not clean the bowl. Was that a reindeer? I don't want to know! " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Hey, look. Our old answering machine. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Oh, yeah. After you left, we, uh, we unplugged it because it reminded Marshall of how you used to, you know, leave messages. But hey, you guys are back together. I say we're plugging it back in. It's good to have you back. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Thanks. Oh, hey, look, there's still some messages on here. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Yes, same Clint. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Oh, fudge. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"I'm... a what? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"I-- That was Barney, that was Barney. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"That was you, Ted. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"That was Marshall. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Marshall left a message for Marshall? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"You know, it may have been me, but it was so long ago. Man, that machine, it really garbles your voice.You know, it almost made it sound like I said... " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Why would you call me that? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"She was perfect. I lost the perfect woman. I should have knocked her up when I had the chance. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Okay. That's it. You're never going to get over her until you stop putting her on a pedestal. So no more ice cream until you tell me one thing that's wrong with Lily. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"There's only one of her? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Okay. She called off your wedding and dumped you to be a painter in San Francisco. What do you call that? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Fiercely independent? Brave? I guess it was a little selfish. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"There you go. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Yeah. No, you're right. Lily would laugh at anything. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"She'd give it up for a bad pun. I'm telling you, she's a laugh slut. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Remember that time we heard her laughing and we thought she was watching Weekend At Bernie's, but it turned out she was watching Weekend At Bernie's 2? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"And her art? ""I'm Lily, I'm an artist."" She doesn't even own a beret. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Yeah, and if she's such a great ""artist,"" why does she suck at Pictionary? Who draws a ninja star like a Star of David? Right, right? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Yeah! " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Another round! " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"I was trying to help him. I'm his best friend. That's the best friend's job. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"The best friend's job is to call me that word? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Yeah. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"Oh, Ted. Oh, Teddy boy. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Why is this such a big deal? It's just a word. We use lots of words, every day. It shouldn't be any different than any other word. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"Then why don't you say it now? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Grinch. You timed that didn't you? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"Perfectly. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"Well, at least you apologized. You apologized, didn't you? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Oh, yeah. ""I'm sorry"" were the first words out of my mouth. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"I'm sorry, but I am not apologizing. I was just trying to put the guy back together. You smashed him to pieces. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Are you seriously not going to apologize for leaving that message? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"No! " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Why not? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Because, Lily, this summer, you were kind of a Grinch. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Oh, you'll be sorry, Ted Mosby. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"Ted Vivian Mosby! " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"That's not my middle name. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Like you've never said that word. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"I don't kiss your mother with my mouth. Yet. (Barney sneezes) " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Are you sick? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"Is it sick to find maturity and experience sexy? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"No, I meant do you have a cold? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"I'm fine. I'm fine. My nose is just overflowing with awesome and I had to get some of it out. Now, if you'll excuse me, the holidays are a time when people are lonely and desperate. It's the most wonderful time of the year. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"I should go apologize. It's Christmas Eve. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"Yeah. I mean, slamming doors and screaming curses? If I wanted that, I would have gone home for the holidays. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"I don't see any mistletoe, but... (He sneezes on her) " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"Uh... ""Bless you"" would have been nice. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"You're sick. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"I'm not sick. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"You're sick. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"You know what? I am sick. Sick of you telling me I'm sick. What up? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Ahh... Three flights of stairs, not a drop spilled. Hey, buddy. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"You sure this is gonna work? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Yeah, this is our thing. In college, whenever I wanted to make up with her, I'd buy her a beer. Cute, right? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"Totally. Plus free mug. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"She took the decorations. She took the decorations! What a Grinch! " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"All right. I guess I have to call her, right? Lily's cell phone. She'll listen to reason-- right? Oh, hey, Billy. Actually, funny thing--the voice dial got you. I was trying to call... Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. (20 minutes later) Yeah, the holidays are a rough time for everyone, Billy. Okay, yeah, dinner next Wednesday. Okay. Damn voice dial. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"Barney! What the hell are you doing? Get in here, it's freezing outside. Are you insane? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"Hey, blame Lily and her oppressive ""no cigars in the apartment rule."" God, it's like Marshall's marrying the Taliban. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"Eww. No. You have to go home and get to bed. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"Oh, Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north, let me tell you about a little thing I like to call mind over body. You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story. Yeah, in two minutes, I'm going to pound a sixer of Red Bull, hop in a cab, play a couple of hours of laser tag, maybe get a spray-on tan. It's gonna be legen... Wait for it... " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Lily! " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Merry Christmas, assface. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Um, Lily? Where are the Christmas decorations? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"At my apartment. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"You want to bring them back so we can celebrate Christmas together-- please? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Ted, do you know what I would do if one of my kindergartners used that kind of language? I would be on the phone with their parents. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Yeah, I'm not a kindergartner. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Exactly. You know what that word means. You know that calling people names is mean and hurtful... assface. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Lily, if you don't bring that stuff back right now, we... " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"She hung up. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"She's just mad. She'll cool down. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Lily... " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Don't forget to take the cookies out of the oven... assface! " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Damn it! I could be in Cleveland right now making peppermint lager with my dad. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"Where are you going? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Marshall gets home in three hours. He's gonna show up--no Lily, no winter wonderland.I gotta get up to the Bronx. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"... " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Hey, dude, how's the paper going? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Screw the paper, how's the winter wonderland? Is it magical? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Oh... so magical. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"When you walk through the door, does it feel like you've been slapped in the face by Christmas? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Sure does. Look, I gotta go. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Come on, man, describe it! Tell me about the decorations. Is Rudolph there? He is, isn't he? Hi, Rudolph! " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Ah, yeah, but, you know... decorations, is that really what Christmas is about? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Hell, yeah! What else would it be about? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Uh, try the birth of Christ. You know, Christmas-- Christ Mas, which means ""More Christ"" to our Spanish friends. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Yeah, well, all I know is walking in that door and seeing the winter wonderland and seeing Lily and all you guys, just... I can't wait. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Right. I gotta go. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Right. Okay.Oh, wait. Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted. One more thing. How about the cookies? Are they delicious? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"You know, honestly, they taste a little store-bought. Oh! I got another call. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Well, tell Lily I love her. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted," " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Oh. Uh, hey, Mom. Merry Christmas. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Oh, God, she called you? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"No, Mom, why would it be about Clint? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Hey, Clint. Listen, um, I don't really have time to... " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"This is a low moment for the Barnacle. I should be off playing laser tag right now, but instead... Don't look at me. I'm hideous. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"You just look like a regular guy. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"Exactly. I'm a Ted. I'm wearing elastic-waist fleece pants. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"And isn't it more comfy? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"Yes. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"Come on, you need eat something. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"Too weak... to hold... bowl. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"Fine, I'll feed you. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"Ouchie in my mouth! I don't want it. I want ice cream. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"No, you're not having ice cream for dinner just 'cause you're sick. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"But my throat hurts. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"No! " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"I hate you! " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Barney,"Don't leave me. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Who is this? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Pizza delivery. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Hey, you tricked me. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"You really thought I was the pizza delivery guy? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"No, I knew it was you. I just thought you'd at least bring a pizza. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Yeah, well, I brought a beer, but I gave it to a homeless guy. All right, he took it from me. Now, will you please come home? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"No, I'm not spending Christmas with you. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Okay, I'm sorry for calling you a... that word, over the summer, and for saying it again today. And for thinking it a lot on the subway ride over. I had no right to say that. It was hurtful and immature and I'm sorry. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Oh, shut up. You think I don't know your fake apologies by now, Ted Mosby? Huh? You're clearly still mad at me. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"I'm not mad at you. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Yes, you are. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"I am not mad at you, Lily. Now, can we please just... " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"I've apologized to Marshall and he's forgiven me and we've moved passed it. Why can't you? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Because you never apologized to me. Marshall's not the only one you walked out on. You leave for three months, you don't even call. Come on, Lily, we're supposed to be friends! " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Yeah, some friend, you called me a Grinch. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"You were a Grinch! " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"How can you... " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Grinchy, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Happy? Now, you've pissed off the big guy upstairs. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Yeah, I'm sure God cares if I... " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"That's my super. He lives above me. Great. Thanks to your filthy mouth, now I'm going to have Christmas alone in the dark. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Fine. I don't want to ruin Christmas. You can have the apartment. Don't worry about seeing me there I'll be in Staten Island with my cousin Stacy. Just.... Merry Christmas. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Uh, they're fine. They're just... they're a little weird. You know they don't believe in gifts or Christmas trees. And they think Santa's how Satan spells his name when he wants to trick us. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"Well, do you want me to go with you? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Was that a sincere offer? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"First tell me your answer. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Stay there. Save yourself. We'll spend all day together tomorrow. Okay. Oh, how's Barney feeling? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Robin,"You mean the whiney bottomless pit of neediness? He was bugging me, so I spiked his echinacea tea with codeine. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"You're gonna be a great mom. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Holy crap, the magical Christmas season is upon us. And thank God we don't pay for utilities. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Merry Christmas! What's in the box? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Only the best present for the best girl ever. It took me all day to track it down. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"I thought you were writing a paper. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Ah, naw, I blew that off. I'll get an extension. School's not important. What is that pitter patter on the roof? Could it be the sound of an awesome Christmas story about to come down the chimney? Why, yes, it is. 'Twas the day before Christmas... " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"It was supposed to arrive, like, five days ago, but then it got lost and rerouted. I checked two other branches, finally they told me it was here. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"What?No, no, no, no,I need that package today. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Stop! Stop! Stop, please, stop. Stop. Stop the truck. I need a package on your truck. Can I please take a look in back? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"I'm okay. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Wait, so some people aren't going to get their gifts in time for Christmas? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"We delivered every single package on that truck. But I still have one package left to give. Yeah, I did. Merry Christmas. Open it, Baby. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Okay. Oh, my God. An Easy Bake Oven! I've wanted one of these ever since I was a little girl. In this exact model. I never told you that. How did you know? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"It's our first Christmas since we got back together. I want to get her something really special. So I'm getting her a jukebox. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Wow, that's a great gift. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Not really. It's this big and it dispenses gum. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Oh, man, I know something you could get her that would blow her mind. Ready? Eight years ago... " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"When I was a kid, all I wanted was an Easy Bake Oven. I begged and I begged, but all I got was a stupid Lego set because my feminist mom didn't want me conforming to traditional gender roles. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Easy Bake Oven--that's what I'm going to call my van. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Dude... how was the concert? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"I couldn't find the outside. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"I can't believe Ted remembered after all these years. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Yeah, and after all that weed. Where is he anyway? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Staten Island. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Why? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Okay, don't tell your mom, but I got you guys some presents. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"No, dude, real presents. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Uh, you know what, why don't you say it. I really wouldn't know what to say. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"That's a great idea, Charity. But, really, I don't know. I mean how do you choose your favorite passage? It's the Bible; there's so many... great ones... That one from Pulp Fiction's pretty cool. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Uh, it's... it's just, um, carolers. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"I came here to apologize. I'm so sorry, Ted. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"I accept. Give me the beer. it is so good to see you guys. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Are you coming home? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Totally. But first, Lily, I owe you an apology. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Oh, for the love of God, are you as sick of apologies as I am? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Yes " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"Can we just skip the apology and go straight to the forgiving? " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Yes. And I promise, I will never ever call you a... you know, again. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Lily,"That's okay. I was kind of a Grinch. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Ted,"Nothing. It's something you shouldn't say. " 2x11 - How Lily Stole Christmas,Marshall,"Merry Christmas, Marshall." 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"So, this chick and I are going at it behind the Central Park Zoo. The Bonobo chimps start giving us a standing O, and just when I'm about to give her the same thing... What up?... I... I can't. I just... I can't. Guys, I know you count the minutes until you can escape from your humdrum lives by hearing how awesome mine is, and I love doing that for you, but I just can't tonight. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"What's wrong? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"I don't want to talk about it. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"Okay. Hey, you guys see Deadliest Catch last night? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"Did I ever! Deadliest Catch ever! " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"All right, I'll tell you! My mother is selling the house I grew up in. All of my childhood memories gone, just like that! " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"That sucks. I've been there, buddy. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Marshall,"What are you talking about? Your mother still lives in the house you grew up in. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"With her new hippie husband, Clint. The comfort of home is a little ruined when someone turns your old room into what I'm pretty sure is a Tantric sex temple. With all the bamboo, pot smoke and '60s music, it's like my old G.I. Joes are frozen in some weird Vietnam flashback. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Anyway, I need you guys to come out to Staten Island on Saturday and help box everything up. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Lily,"You expect us to spend a whole day packing up your mom's house? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Of course not. It's a two-day job. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"Pass. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"Same. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Marshall,"Unsubscribe. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"You guys are adorable. You seriously believe that I, Barney Stinson, can't talk you into this? I got the Queen to give me a fist bump. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"No one believes that story. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Lily,"You may be able to talk the brain surgeons you pick up into doing whatever you want, but it's not gonna work on us. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Lily,"How did he do that? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Whoa, Ted, that thing you're packing is way too big to fit in that box. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"Yeah, that's what your mom said. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"How dare you! " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"No, she actually said that. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Bro! " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"How you doing? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Mom. Stop. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Tuesday at work. Some of the senior partners are really getting up there. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"So, Ted, yesterday at work, I totally talked you up to that super-hot makeup girl, Liz. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"Oh yeah? Mm-hmm. What did you say? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"Oh, you know, how funny you are... " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"Guilty. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"Handsome. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"Who, me? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"Incredible lover. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"Really? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I was all like, ""He knows a woman's body better than she knows her own, endless waves of pleasure just cresting and breaking for hours and hours..."" Blah, blah, blah. ""Orgasms so intense that you just black out."" All that stuff. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"Robin, how can I possibly live up to that review? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"What? You know what you're doing down there. Oh, Teddy Westside can bring it. We know this. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"But that is not the point. I mean, you broke the first rule of setting people upundersell. It's like, if someone's never seen The Karate Kid, you don't say, ""It's the greatest movie ever."" You say, ""Uh, it's pretty good"" And then they see it, it blows their freakin' mind. Because Cobra Kai sensei's all like, ""Sweep the leg!"" And Daniel-san's all like... (high-pitched vocalizations, (mitates whooshing sounds) " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"Maybe I did oversell you a bit. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Lily,"Oh, it gives us a rare insight into the makings of Barney Stinson. Like, look at this. Who was a cute little basketball player before he became the biggest pervert in the world? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"I loved Pee Wee basketball. Well, until they kicked me off the team... I was so awesome, the coach asked me to quit because it wasn't fair to the other kids. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"I was so awesome, the coach asked me to quit because it wasn't fair to the other kids. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Marshall,"That sounds plausible. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Hey. It's true. Tell him, James. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Oh, my God! Look at this. My letter from the Postmaster General. I still can't believe he took the time to write this... " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"""Dear Barney... I sincerely apologize about losing all the invitations you sent out to your eighth birthday party. That's why none of your classmates showed up. Not because you threw up when they turned the lights off at the Planetarium. No one even noticed that. Also, Janey Masterson's mother is a whore, and with gin on her breath at 10:00 in the morning, she's got some nerve kicking us out of the carpool. Love, Postmaster General. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Thank you. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Marshall,"Does your mom make stuff like that up a lot? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Mom? Who's my dad? All the other kids at school know who their dad is. Who's mine? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"Did she tell you that Bob Barker was your dad, too? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Careful! Michael Jackson sent me this glove for my tenth... " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"Damn. Loretta really lied a lot to her kids. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Lily,"Well, she's not alone. Whenever Marshall was acting too hyper, his mom would suddenly decide he was ""sick"" and give him cough medicine until he passed out. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Marshall,"I'm pretty sure that's what stunted my growth. I hit 6'4"" in the fifth grade, and then I just stopped. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Lily,"And then there's the most popular parental lie in history. Santa. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Marshall,"Yeah, but that's a good lie. Like when we tell Ted he'll meet the right girl and settle down. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"I always find that reassuring. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Marshall,"You will meet her, buddy. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"You think so? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Marshall,"Yeah! " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Lily,"Santa's still a lie, and I'm not lying to our kids. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Marshall,"Baby, it's Santa. Don't you want our kids going to sleep on Christmas Eve with their hearts full of hope, their heads full of crazy cough syrup nightmares, knowing that downstairs Kris Kringle is stuffing their stockings full of joy and stuffing his belly full of milk and lutefisk that they left him? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Lily,"Milk and lutefisk? Santa doesn't get cookies in Minnesota? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Marshall,"Yeah, that's just what Santa needs at 3:00 a.m. when he's battling a snowstorm over the Rockiesa sugar crash. No. Santa needs protein. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Lily,"I'm not lying to our kids. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Ah... Valentines. The second base of third grade. I always got a Valentine from every single girl in my class. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Yeah, school girls... The more they ignore you, pretend to hate your guts, lock you in the coatroom over winter break, the more they secretly like you. This isn't... Who's Sam Gibbs? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Mom addressed this and never sent it. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Hey. (laughs) It's a picture of you and me when we were little kids. On the back, Mom wrote... ""Your son."" " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"I know. Forgetting to send the photo. That poor sculptor had to work from memory. Those statues probably look nothing like us. Damn it, Mom! " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"So, Ted? You were worried that I oversold you to Liz. Well, I fixed it. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"How? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"I sent her another email. ""Dear Liz. I hope it didn't sound like I was trying to oversell Ted. The truth is, he is a genuinely nice, down to earth guy, and I think you two would really hit it off."" " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"Thank you. Thank you. That's perfect. That totally takes the pressure... " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"""Is he going to rock your world in bed? No. But he's clean, open to criticism, and not into anything too weird. He's not bad at all. Not bad at all."" " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"See, now you went too far in the other... " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"""I'll be honest. The first few times aren't going to be that great. He's going to say 'Are you finished?' more times than a waiter in a busy restaurant."" " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"Stop! " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Well, he's not my dad. My dad's Bob Barker. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Marshall,"I suppose you have a problem with the Easter Bunny, too. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Lily,"Not now. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"So we're doing this? We're really going to go disturb the peaceful Long Island retirement of the former mayor of Yourson, North Dakota on a Sunday afternoon? Real classy, James. Real classy. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Marshall,"Maybe we shouldn't have brought these Sloppy Joes. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Lily,"Oh, what's done is done. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"""Ted Mosby is solid as a rock."" No. ""Dependable."" No. ""Rugged."" No. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"Why don't I just go to the Chevy Web site and copy down adjectives? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"I just want to hit that perfect middle ground. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"How about we just go wildly to both extremes and just let them balance each other out? ""Ted Mosby is really handsome, but extremely violent, and really rich, but lacks bladder control."" Oh, damn. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"What? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"That last bump just made me hit send. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"Oh, no. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"Don't worry. I'm sure that everyone will get it's a joke. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"No, they won't. They're going to think... Wait. ""Everyone""? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"""Really rich""? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"For what? I don't know who lives here, but it's not my dad. Wait. Wait. Please, stop. Just... just give me a second, okay? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Come on. I know Bob Barker's not really... you know. I'm not crazy. I just... I needed that. I know it may sound stupid, but I didn't always feel so great about myself growing up, and so having a celebrity dad made me feel special. But you're right, James. It's time to let go of the fantasies. It's time to grow up. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Lily,"God, this must be so hard for Barney. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Marshall,"Yeah, but you know what? He took a big step today... " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Papa! Look at us!nIt's like three of the same guy. Oh, my God, this explains why I was always so awesome at basketball. Guys, I'm black! Sorry. African-American. No. I'm allowed to say either. I got to go get my camera! " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"Wait. Barney and James are two years apart. If Sam only knew Loretta for a few months, he couldn't possibly be Barney's father. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"He's also quite the detective. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Lily,"Don't worry. We'll... We'll snap Barney out of this when he gets back. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Marshall,"Or, he could just let him have this one. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"What? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Lily,"Are you kidding? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Marshall,"Guys, Barney's losing his childhood home, he finally admitted Bob Barker's not his dad, and then he watched James meet his real father. It's just a lot to go through in one afternoon. Can't we just let the guy be black for a day? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Here, Ted. Capture the moment! " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"I think you'd need Salvador Dali to capture this particular moment, but I'll give it a whirl. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Man... I thought I was a light-skinned Caucasian, but in truth, I'm a really light-skinned African-American. Man, try to hail a cab in Manhattan. Am I right? Nope, no one's stopping for this. These guys don't understand what I'm talking about. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"Weird day. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"Weird day. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"Hey, look at that! Liz still wants to meet you. That's great! " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"I guess. Wait a minute. You said Liz was a total ten. Why would she want to meet the incontinent freak show you described? You oversold her! " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"Maybe a little. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"You said she was a ten. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"I did not specify on what scale. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Ted,"You said she looked like a movie star. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Robin,"She does. It's Robert De Niro, but, like, super buff, like in Cape Fear. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Dad, look how fast I can run! " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Dad, you're not looking! " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Me first. Mom, there's something that I need to ask you, and I... I want you to be honest with me. Why do white people like Carrot Top? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Are you sure? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"What'd Coach say, Ma? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Why didn't anyone come? " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"It's okay, Mom. I don't need it. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"I already have a father. And his name... is Loretta. " 6x02 - Cleaning House,Barney,"Wait. Dad! James! Where are you going? That's the best part. Can we go camping? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"In my experience, the way this normally goes is, we lie here for a while, make a little awkward chitchat. " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"Check. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Then I make up some cabinet meeting, heart surgery, rocket test flight I've got to be at, slip out of the apartment and never call you again. " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"And later at the bar, you tell your good friend Robin the story of your latest conquest, and she thinks to herself, ""who is this sad, self-loathing idiot who climbed into bed with Barney Stinson?"" " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Actually, you usually say that out loud. So...I just slept with my best friend's ex-girlfriend " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"And I just slept with my ex-boyfriend's really good friend. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Best friend. " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"Okay, here's the deal, Barney. The second my feet touch the ground, this never happened. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Okay. Wait. Right click, save as... Into the.bpeg folder, and okay. This never happened. It's a good plan. " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"Now we go back to exactly the way things were before. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Okay. Right. So, Robin? " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"Yes, Barney? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Guess who nailed the chick from metro news one last night? " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"I'm gonna shower... till June, and, um, since you were never here to begin with, you won't be here when I get out. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Okay. This never happened. Never happened. Never... happened. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"So, tell us, what was it like? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"What? " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Penetrating that barrier. You and I are the first ones to hit it. Well, not the first ones, certainly, but the first ones at this table. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"I... I... I'm... I'm... " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Although, I'm gonna be hitting it pretty soon. " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"Yeah, you are. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Yeah, and when I hit it, I'm going to go nuts. " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"It's gonna be all night, and I think I want a clown there. I'm a little bit scared of clowns, but for you, I'm there. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"What are you talking about?! " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"The big three-oh. You know, my 30th birthday's this friday. Did you forget? What kind of friend is this guy? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Ha-ha right. A great friend, by the way. The best. Is it my imagination, or are these drinks getting smaller? If this were a doctor's office, they'd say, ""try again."" How you doing there, Robin? " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"I'm good. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Oh, so, I made a a decision. I'm going to go through all my old stuff, And I'm getting rid of anything I have no use for anymore. Hmm. Barney, you want my xbox? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Ted, she has a name! And just what are you accusing me of? " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Liking video games? " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"I'm gonna get a drink. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"I'll come with you. " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"Okay. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"God, this is awkward. " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"What is? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Being around Ted. " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"Why? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Because of our thing. " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"What thing? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"You're really gonna pretend this never happened? " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"What never happened? What are you guys talking about? " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"Nothing. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Guys, cut the act. I know. I know about the surprise party you guys are throwing me. Marshall let it slip earlier today. Hey, I'll totally act surprised and everything. Just be sure to invite Stella. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Stella! You have a serious girlfriend now! You're over this one. Robin who, right? Stella makes this one look like a filthy bag of gbabage, am I right? Happy birthday, bro. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Hello. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Hey, Marshall, I need your help. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Yeah, I'm kind of real focused on the job hunt right now. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"I know. I want to hire you. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"For the last time, Barney, I will not be your butler. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"I need a lawyer. I'll pay you. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"How much? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"A little. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"I'll take it. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Hey. so, I'm reading this, and, I got to say, this might be a little bit over my head. For one thing, I'm fairly certain that if these contracts aren't executed precisely, we will be at w*r with Portugal. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Forget that. That's a Tuesday for me. New shredder. This baby'll chew up a bicycle in 17 seconds. From sky mall. It's all from sky mall. Whenever I get upset, I shop at sky mall. Want a hot dog? " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Of course. Why are you upset? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Marshall, I'm about to tell you a secret that you can't tell anyone-- not Ted, not Robin, not Lily. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"No. no, no, no, I don't want any more secrets, especially now that I know what you guys did to the drinking water in lisbon. I... " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"You are hearing this secret, Marshall. I... I slept... " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"You slept with Robin? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Are you mad at me? " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"I don't know. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"How's the hot dog? " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"It's helping. You slept with Robin?! I... I cannot keep that secret. I mean, you know I at least have to tell Lily. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"You can't. you can't tell anyone. Attorney-client privilege. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Why are you doing this to me?! " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Because I need you, Marshall, as my lawyer, to prove that I didn't do anying wrong. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"How can I help you as your lawyer? You didn't break any laws, did you? Robin knows you slept with her, doesn't she? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"I didn't break any state or federal laws, but I think I broke a much, much higher law. The Bro Code. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Bro Code article one:""Bros before hoes."" " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Bro Code article 89""The mom of a bro is always off limits, but the stepmom of a bro is fair game if she initiates it, and/or is wearing at least one a article of leopard print clothing."" " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Bro Code article 34""Bros cannot make eye contact during a devil's three-way."" Two dudes. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"This is not a legal docume.. This is just something you wrote. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"You think I wrote that? Oh, Marshall, don't you know the glorious history of the Bro Code? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"The year was 1776. The placePhiladelphia. Benjamin Franklin and George Washington were hangng a drink. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"I shall write this set of rules. And I shall inscribe it on theacack of the Constitution. To save paper. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"And I shall l include a provision that stateth ""No eye contact in a devil's three-way."" " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Listen, what do you want me for? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"I've just been losing my mind lately, and do you know why I feel so bad? " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Yeah, because you slept with Robin. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"No, that was awesome. I feel bad because the Bro Code clearly states ""No sex with your bro's ex."" But if you, my lawyer,can find a loophole somewhere, then that bad feeling will go bye-bye. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"And you would pay me for that? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"No, I'll just be the one shredding your paperwork. Technically, you'll be paid by a toy factory in Pyongyang. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Barney, I'm no shrink, okay, but don't you see that this is just a desperate way for you to avoid an unpleasant confrontation with Ted? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Hey, if I wanted a psychological evaluation, I'd hire the guy we pay to hint notize us before depositions. Now, get cracking! " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"And with a little luck, in a few days, Farmer Frank's cold will be all gone. And that's why Farmer Frank's breath smells like medicine. Right, Farmer Frank? " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"Any last questions for Farmer Frank? Yes. " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"I know, I know. I already called an animal rescue, and they're going to come get her on Monday. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Monday?! Where's she going to sleep and eat and go to the bathroom?! Okay, where's she going to sleep and eat? " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"I-I guess I'll keep her up on the roof. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Look, call me crazy. I just... I don't think having a goat in the apartment is a good idea. " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"Hey, Ted. You ready to, um... Where'd the goat turd come from? " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"How'd you know that was a goat turd? " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"Well, it was either that, or a musk ox turd, and I figured,what the hell would a musk ox be doing in here? " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Hey. Guess what your wife brought home. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Attorney-client privilege.I can't talk about it. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Talk about what? " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Nothing. How was your day? Oh, goat turd on the floor,I see. Is that new? " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"How does everyone know that's a goat turd? " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"Barney told you. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"I don't know what you're talking about,madam. " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"Marshall, you can't look me in the eye, you're blushing, coughing, and your hands are shaking. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Robin, come here! " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"Ted is never finding out about this, you understand? Because it never happened, none of us are saying anything. And don't even think about opening that can until I'm out of the splash zone. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Fantastic, you're here. Give me the good news. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"I'm sorry. You did too good of a job writing this thing. It's-it's iron-clad. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"No! Bad lawyer! I need a loophole! I want to feel better, Marshall! I can't keep buying things! I have six self-cleaning litterboxes and I don't even have a kid. Wait. How about this? Ted's probably broken this thing himself, right? And if he's broken the Bro Code, then I'm off the hook. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"I thought about that. And I gotta say, Ted has upheld this thing time and time again. For example, article 87""A bro shall at all times say yes."" " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Yes. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Yes. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Da. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Article 29 ""A bro will in a timely manner alert his bro to the existence of a girl fight."" " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Dude, two girls are fighting at MacLaren's. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"What?! " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Yeah, yeah. It was crazy. This one girl was like... Oh, hey. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Hey. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Article 53""A bro will, whenever possible, provide his bro with protection."" " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Good. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Yeah. I wish we had some wine, too. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Damn it, Marshall. I'm not paying you to tell me what a saint Ted is! You're my lawyer! The answer is in there! Find it! " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Okay, this isn't about the Bro Code, and you know it. The reason that you're upset is because what you did was wrong. And the only way you're ever gonna feel any better about it is if you tell Ted what you did. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"What if he never wants to talk to me again? " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Well, I guess that's just a chance you're gonna have to take. " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"Hey, where are you? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,":I'm in the limo, right outside of Ted's office. " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"Great. Well, everyone's here. Stella just arrived and there is something here so awesome, I'm not going to tell you what it is, but you won't believe... " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Goat in a party hat? " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"Damn it! Well, you still gotta see it. It's so much fun having a goat at a party! " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,":Uh, gotta go. Here he comes. " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"Okay. Bye. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Whoa, you guys went all out. " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"Okay, everyone, Ted's in the limo, five-minute warning! Everyone get ready! Oh, Missy, are you excit?? Yes, you are! " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Whoa, we're leaving the city. Where the hell is this party? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Vegas. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Vegas? I thought the party was on the rooftop. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Surprise! Just a decoy, my friend. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"So there's no roof party? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Oh, no. There is. We're just not going. This is how good a friend I am. They want you to spent your 30th standing around drinking flat beer ten feet above your living room. But not me, bro. I pulled out all the stops. Private jet, Valderrama suite at the Bellagio. Steaks at BOA, scotch at Ghostbar, then two ringside seats to watch Floyd Mayatather go ten rounds with, wait for it... a grizzly bear! " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Take me home, Barney. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"No! We have to go to Vegas. Look, Ted, I didn't want to say this, but... there's something that I have to tell you, and I wanted you to be in the best possible frame of mind before you heard it. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"You slept with Robin. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"When did you find out? " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Hey, Robin. Come here! " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"What's up? " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"I was, uh, just going through some old stuff and I... " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Oh, crap! " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Anyway, uh, I came across this. " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"From my vacacation in Vermont. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Yeah. I don't know if you'd even want it, but if you do, it's yours. " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"I slept with Barney! " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"What? " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"It was just one time, it, it was the night that Simon dumped me and I was in a really vulnerable place and I, I wanted to just pretend like it never happened, but I couldn't, and... I can't. I just, I had to tell you. And... I just hope that we can still be friends. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Of course we can still be friends. " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"So you're not mad? " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Well, I'm... it's a little weird, but, um... No, I'm not mad. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"So you're not mad? " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"No, I'm not mad. I mean, Robin and I broke up a year ago. We've, we've both dated lots of people since then. I'm with Stella now. Seriously, I...I'm fine with this. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"I'm so relieved to hear you say that. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Yeah. Yeah. Oh, hey, I just remembered, um, my mom is coming into town next month. Maybe you'd like to nail her, too! " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Where are they?! I'm getting a cramp. " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"Marshall, can we keep the goat? " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"No. " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"But she's so cute and furry and soft. " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Yeah, and she also sheds, eats out of the garbage and can't control her bobowels. " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"Why don't we just call Duluth Mental Hospital and say my Uncle Linus can live with us? " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"Yeah, Lily, that may seem like a good idea after a couple of drinks but tomorrow morning you're going to want this thing out of your house. " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"Oh, you should talk.You slept with Barney. " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"Marshall! " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"I'm sorry! I couldn't take it anymore. " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"I can't believe you did that. That's so gross. Was it amazing? " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"What? I... Lily, I really don't want to talk about this. " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"I know but it's Barney. It's just hard not to be curious. Did he have like devices and stuff? " 3x17 - The Goat,Robin,"Lily,come on. " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"Hot wax? " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"Stop it. " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"Did he tie you to anything? " 3x17 - The Goat,Marshall,"That's enough. What's wrong with you? " 3x17 - The Goat,Lily,"I'm sorry. Is he all smooth down there? " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Three billion women on the planet! Three billion! And you have to sleep with the one that I dated for a year! Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?! Robin?! " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"You think I'm proud of this?! I'm horrified that this happened. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"How did it happen? Huh? Barney, I want to know. Tell me exactly how it happened. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"You mean... what position? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Ted! Stop! " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Stop! " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Okay. Okay. You're pissed. You deserve to be. Fine. You know what? One free sh*t. On me. Anywhere but the face. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"You think that this is just about Robin? This is about... You know, I've seen you do some bad stuff. I mean some really terrible stuff to a lot of different people. I just always thought there had to be a limit. I always thought I was the limit. You're always spouting off these rules for bros. Isn't one of them, ""don't do this""? " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Yeah. And I broke it. I'm sorry. But, Ted...seriously, this suite at the Bellagio... " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"I am not going to Vegas with you! I'm not going to blow off my friends and my girlfriend, and spend my 30th birthday in a strip club. The fact that you think I would... You know, Barney,earlier this week I started putting things in a box and that box was labeled ""stuff I have no use for anymore."" " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"What does that mean? " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"It means... maybe you belong in that box. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Are you saying you don't want to be bros anymore? " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"I'm saying I don't want to be friends anymore. " 3x17 - The Goat,Barney,"Okay, I'm going to stop you right there, because it seems like you're about to say something that's going to pretty much ruin Vegas. " 3x17 - The Goat,Ted,"Ranjit, stop the car. I'm getting a cab. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," This is nonsense. They are still playing the bagpipes. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," I know. It's been 6 hours. That must be the fact that Stan Tantric bagpipes. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," It does not stop him from screaming to play louder, but it seems that there is rather strong. I have a glass of water in my room that vibrates like Jurassic Park. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Are there neighbors! Stop the bagpipes! " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," I hate to be the one to tell you. Marshall and Lily get divorced. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Not at all. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Look what I saw yesterday. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," Baby, you can wash it? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," No problem. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," I gotta go. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," She makes her dishes right away, Ted. I give them two or three weeks maximum. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," There is nothing serious. And certainly nothing serious enough that you hold my hand. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," They have a big problem. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," I see what happens. You, my friend, you suffer from a disease little known... ""little known"" because I just invented it... called Adequacy of New Relationship. Robin, you are in your honeymoon stage. Everything is perfect. The songs on the radio talking about you. Other couples are concerned. Enjoy it. The SNR does not last forever. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," If, when you're great like me. Listen to this. Robin taking into account the number of beds in which we did. One is 83 and a half. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," And a half? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," An Ottoman 19th in an antique shop. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," What's new? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Big Tiger. You holding up? Want a hug? You mean yesterday? You're safe here. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," According to Barney, Lily asking you to do your own dishes right away is a sign that your marriage falls apart. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Why? Lily loves a clean sink so I do the dishes right away, what's the problem? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," I'll tell you what's the problem. You know how I was always the best single? Now I'm the best in relationship. Even better than you and Lily. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Look at you. You got a girlfriend for 5 minutes and you think playing in the big leagues. Adorable. Son... I'm in a relationship for your ponytail and that you were playing the guitar with Dave Matthews Mom. I am a good boyfriend when I sleep. I can do a k*ll foot massage, hand and prepare a great chamomile on the other, which would make you cry. Damn, I know more about how to make popcorn and watch movies with Sandra Bullock in that you'll ever know, but thank you to worry, blue. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Let me ask you a question. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Go ahead. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Do you mind you, if the sink is full of dirty dishes? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Not really. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," So what is the problem of Lily, not yours. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," But if I said that, we will play, so... " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," You argue. Robin, we do not fight. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Of course I do. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," No. And here's the secret, every time we say we're going to argue... " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," Why is there a bag of pants marked ""April 2008"" in your closet? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," So when you think you will play and you get up you go? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," It works in 100% of cases. No fighting if you're not there.This is what Gandhi said. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," This is not true. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," I can not believe Robin supports it. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Do not worry. It also has a good way to avoid arguments. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," The ties go to the machine? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," You're leaving. Robin begins to coat. I never heard anything so stupid. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Well, the thing naked is not bad. It was weird. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Call me crazy. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Mad. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," But when you have a problem with Lily, it is discussed. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," There's so much to do with the mouth. Why spoil it by talking? But if you insist, here's what I would say on the dishes if I was married to Lily. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," Barney, you came home! " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Go to the basics! " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Okay. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Thank you, doll. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," Honey, you're going to wash it? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," I'm glad you mention it. No. And that's why. I know you do not like dirty sinks. But do it for me to clean it? If one day I looked up the ceiling of the room and think, ""Hey, I want a replica of the Sistine Chapel"" is what you will paint the? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," No. Of course not. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Exactly! Similarly, if you do not like having lots of dirty dishes, it's your washing. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," Thank you explained that. I get confused easily. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," It's because you're a woman. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," I do not even know why we laugh! " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Of course not. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Are you kidding me. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Wait, Ted. Listen to the man. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Once I have his attention, it's time to get out the heavy a*tillery. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Look, I love you. But, baby, with little energy I have left after work, I want to cover you with love, not washing dishes. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," You're right. I'll do the dishes. Just after doing this. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Now, turn around. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," You beat him or I do it? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," He's right. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," No. Marshall, look at me. Do not go into the circus of Barney Stinson, the house of mirrors and illogical logic. You got ear pierced like that in 2003. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," The piercing was cool. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," It was cool, huh? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Stay with me! Barney is wrong. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," No, not at all. I hate doing the dishes right away. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," You just said the opposite! " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," I hate it! I hate it from the depths of my soul! I hate it! I hate it I hate it! " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," You're welcome. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Okay. There you are. You're gonna tell me the truth. Barney said that you did ever played. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," I think that's true. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," I told you. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Impossible. I love you both but you're the two biggest emotional disabilities in the history of relations. You had to play at least once. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," You know what? It's true. We tried to find out which of us was most great. But it said draw and we made love. Speaking of that, I am delighted that we go skiing this weekend. I need a break. The upstairs neighbors make me crazy. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Yeah, it's ugly. I'll go talk to them. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," Thank you. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Super. Here are your tasks for the weekend. Ted, you're gonna go see the neighbors. Marshall, you go see Lily. Robin and I need you for a crouched position on an animal skin in our chalet. Ready? Break! " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Have fun. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Barney... With his madness, his theory goes well thought might work. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," I will repeat once. This is a bad idea. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Will it work. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," A second time. This is a bad idea. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Barney argued logically. Lily is a reasonable woman. I think if I explain, understand and can go in my opinion. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," No. She will be angry and you will play. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," It is a slap bet? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," We bet a slap. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," Baby, you can do the dishes? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Lily, I am delighted that you mention. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," I can stay here tonight? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," I am preparing the couch, man. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," The ski babes are back! " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," How was the trip? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Okay. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," We spent the weekend hugging the fireside. No black diamonds, nothing but red hearts. I'll unpack my bags. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," What has happened between you? When did you become disgusting? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," It's not great to finally see blossomed emotionally, spiritually and sexually? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," We all came out a year. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," short, and your weekend? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Terrible. And because of you! I listened to your advice stupid! " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," Baby, you can do the dishes? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Lily, I am delighted that you mention. No. And that's why... It's like, okay? You want me to get up and I wash my dishes. But maybe... I want you... combs the ceiling, right? I can say, ""Yes. I will do my dishes, if you get up and you painted the ceiling of naked babies. "" You see? It's just... " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," I do not know what happened. I am a lawyer. I earn my living by arguing but when it is with Lily, I'm... confused. How not to be with her eyes and her breasts? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," What happened to the ""I'm tired after my exhausting day and I want to use what little energy I have left to cover you with love""? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," I should have noted. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," I'm making more money than you. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," Excuse me? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Dance for me. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," It's so much better when you said but with me, it turned into an argument. And when we started arguing, it starts to mutate and multiply. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," It started with the dishes but after... " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," So you're saying you should not do the dishes because you work harder than me. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," It's not what I say... but it's true. And suddenly, we argue as to who works the hardest. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," I teach kindergarten. I shape the leaders of tomorrow. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," You eat cookies and you glue stuff. And other disputes are parties. Until there is so much we can no longer follow. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," If you need to go there at night, or you turn on the light or toilet you sit. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," My mother does not hate you. It is neutral about you.I'm not afraid of your imitation of Shining. I just did not need to hear it mostly at night. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," Danny is not here, Mrs. Torrance. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Do not do that, please. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Dude, Lily is played badly. It is small... but as a vicious badger that your brother would have caught and starved for 5 days and placed in your sleeping bag. I should go and apologize. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," You need to be angry. Dispute yourself stronger.Imagine that Marshall never have to wash dishes in all your life, all the plates are clean. Why, it would relieve any anxiety to any meal. Not having to tie your T-shirt to form a bowl of salted fortune for your pleasures. This world belongs to you, Marshall.Beach house, take it, put yourself in holiday clothes, benefits. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," He's right. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Barney's stupid ideas you have put into this mess. There is no escaping it. Make this stupid dishwasher. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," This dish is my manhood! And I want to leave my manhood deep in the dirty sink full of ketchup and pasta... " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," What do you eat? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Well shit, it's my right! I will wipe my manhood when I'm ready! " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," Where is he was not riding? Hey, Barnstormer. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Hey, Ro-Ro. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," You're cute nicknames? Seriously. What happens to you both? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," Nothing. We're just happy. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," As Gandhi said, ""A smile costs nothing, baby."" " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," I'm not sure that you know who Gandhi is. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," So you talked to the neighbors? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Yeah, yeah, I did. I went up ready to put them back. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," Some old? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Really old. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," So you did what? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," I did not have the strength to tell them to stop, because, good for them. So I told them you want to welcome, ate a hard caramel, acquiesced to some r*cist comments and I left. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," I do not care if the dishes are not done. If you do not give a damn, do it. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," Super. So I do not care if you have an orgasm. If you do not give a damn, do it yourself. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," I spent 18 years without a woman does not affect me. I can do it again. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," You will perhaps have to do it again. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," I do not know what to do. We never had to fight so long. It's as if I no longer existed. Sunday morning, she made a pancake, Ted. A pancake and a slice of bacon. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," It's your fault. You took advice in love with Barney. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Well, maybe Barney was all inclusive. He and Ro-Ro are the best pair now. With Lily it was dethroned. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," You know, I do not believe all this stuff cute and adorable, it's not them. And I know for a fact that Robin hates nicknames. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Thank you, Robbie Engineering. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," I do not like nicknames. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," You're finished with the sports page, Sherbs? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," Seriously, stop. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," It's T-Mose. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," I do not like with you either. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Apparently, she loves them now. And... come on, someone had to stop T-Mose. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," T-Mose was great. I think of the show. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," The bagpipe seems different today. There was an echo. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," They're probably playing the bagpipes on the shower chair. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," How will Marshall and Lily? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," Those two worry me, really. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," You and your big, huge heart. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Enough. The game is over. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," What do you mean by that? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," Who, him? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," It's going to come. You see, I knew it was wrong. You two were too happy, too radiant, too ""surnomants"". It was not right.Never disputes? Crap. You argue all... the... time. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," How would you know that? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Phil told me. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Who the hell is Phil? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," Your downstairs neighbor. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," And it has everything... heard. So Phil told me that Ro-Ro and Barnstormer argue... a lot. Explanations? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," All was going well. Our techniques dodges worked perfectly until the skiing trip last weekend. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," I found at Marshall's arguments Lily were zero then it will never have to wash another dish. Slap me in two. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," It's your board that is zero. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," You're on the side of Lily? You... No. We will argue and I can not spin. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," I can not undress. It's freezing here. I'll be hypothermic. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Or so I tried the jump? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," Or just the pants? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," This trick of dodging is over? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," I think. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," You have the? This is the smallest! " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," They fight because of you!? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," And it does not stop there. We argue non-stop since. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," All the disputes that had prevented us are above benefits.The bag of panties. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," The tie m*rder by Robin. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," The hidden camera in the headboard. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," As a quarterback to stay on top. Monday morning, he sits on an ice pack and are studying the tape of the match. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," Barney for the millionth time... " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," I knew it! I knew you were too cute and perfect! " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Look, we were fed up everyone to tell us how we are no relations. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," It was nice to be the ideal couple for one minute. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Ted," I knew you were lying. Get up early for the feint-T Mose. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," Stop it. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," Marshall, dinner is ready. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," You've done for me? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," No, but what is your favorite. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," We need advice. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," I'll do the dishes directly to my death. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," I do not care when you take out. But if it is made of cheese as a good ziti, do soak. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Sure, honey. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," I love you. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," I love you too. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," You see? At the moment, how did you do to fix everything? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," I do not know. Sometimes you just let his ego aside. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," And keep in mind that the love you have for that other person is more important than winning. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," More important than winning. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," Calm. Calm down. Seriously, what's the secret? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," The honeymoon phase may be over, but now you can get down to business. And honestly, it's the best part. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," Good night. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," What about now? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," I think we should talk about advantage and get down to business. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Or, there is a bench in the elevator. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Robin," That's better. It is not the best couple in the world, so what? " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Barney," Grave. It's not a competition. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," We won! " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Best couple of the world! " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Marshall," Guess what? These glasses are plastic. So you can throw them. So no dirty dishes in the sink. " 5x06 - Bagpipes,Lily," You're dirty. It is you who should be in the sink. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Well, we just had our first fight. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"We had our first fight. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"Oh, no, what'd you fight about? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"A few months ago, my architecture firm was approached to design this new building... " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"It's this big skyscraper in Spokane. It'd be a huge project for his firm. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted," And if we don't get it, we could go under. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"So anyway, the head architect unveils his new design to the whole company. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"No. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Yes. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall," Well, all skyscrapers kind of look like a... " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Marshall, it's a 78-story pink marble tower with a rounded top and two spherical entryways at the front. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"Wow, so it's the whole package. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"Yeah, you did. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"Had to. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"Oh, dude, if they're selling condos, you got to get me in. And don't give me the shaft. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"Yeah, you did. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"Had to. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"It's a travesty. It's gonna define the skyline of the city. If it was me, I could've designed something amazing. Instead, I'm spending 12 hours a day designing the cornices. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"Yeah, you did. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"That wasn't one. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"So you and Ted had your first fight. It obviously ended well. I mean, you're here with me. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Actually, it didn't end at all. I started getting bummed out, so I came here. It's what I do. When my grandma died, I got a perm. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Ooh, two tragedies in one day. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"The thing is, Ted has been literally complaining about work nonstop for weeks. So, when I came over today, I was kind of done. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Hey. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Hey. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"How was your day? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Good. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Wow, you're a great interviewer. Aren't you gonna ask how my day was? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"No, I know how it was. It was awful. Ooh, you want to rent a movie tonight? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"You know, um... I listen to your work stories all the time. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Yeah, but... and I don't want to be rude here, but my work stories are interesting. I'm a television news reporter. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Robin! " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"What? I knew exactly what he was going to say. I was just helping him get there faster. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"You should work at a su1c1de hotline. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"And then it got ugly. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"What I don't do is tell you the same story over and over again. I mean, you wouldn't watch the same movie over and over again, would you? Maybe a great movie like " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"So that's your go-to bad movie? The number one example on the tip of your tongue of a bad movie is " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"It's about ghost baseball players. I think it's stupid. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"So, now he's all mad at me about the stupid movie. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Robin, he's upset because you wouldn't listen to him, not because you didn't like some movie. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"How do you not like Field of Dreams?! " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Listening is the foundation of a relationship. And if he's really droning on, you can always practice saying the alphabet backwards. You know, in case you get pulled over for a DUI. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"I guess I don't know how to do that. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Yeah, it's really hard, even when you're sober. That's what I tried to explain to the cop. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"No, I mean, I guess I don't know how to do this girlfriend thing. I've never been in a relationship this serious before. I should probably go tell him I'm sorry, shouldn't I? You're trying to do it right now, aren't you? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"What the hell comes before ""Q""? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Then at the end of the movie when he has a catch with his dad, like... Like he never did when he was young enough for it to matter. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"(brokenly) " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"You know what, dude? Forget about Robin, okay? You're hanging with us tonight. I've got an awome party lined up. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"Oh, God! This gonna be another one of your weird all-guy parties? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"That was a poker game. What is wrong with you? No, it's the first law school party of the year and it's gonna be awesome. I haven't seen this guys since, like, last year before Lily and I broke up. So I'm gonna have to break the news to everybody. It's really gonna bum them out. This party's gonna suck. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"Well, love to join you at that one. But I got tickets to Foxy Boxing. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"I wish I could join you guys, but I got to get back to my apparently boring job. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"Your job's not boring. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Robin thinks so. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"Dude, lots of chicks think architects are hot. Think about it, you create something out of nothing. You're like God. There's nobody hotter than God. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"I love it when you quote Scripture. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"I'm telling you, you should use the architect angle with the ladies. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Okay, first of all, I have a girlfriend. Second, the architect angle doesn't even work on her. And, third, I can't imagine that working on anyone ever. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"That's 'cause you're always like... " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"(suavely) " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"Wait up, I'll leave with you guys. ""Ted Mosby, architect"". Trust me. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Hey, just out of curiosity. If a guy told you he was an architect, what would you think of that? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Solid point. She did have hair of gold. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Mm-hmm. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Hey, Carl, is Ted still here? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Yes. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Carl, do you really want to be with a woman who would trade sex for beer? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Thanks. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"I wonder where Ted went. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Actually, yeah. Oh, he is such a cool guy. He was here earlier. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Well, you know, soul of an artist, hands of a master craftsman. It was inevitable, I guess. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Well, I could try, but you might end up looking like a midcentury tri-level. Hey, if you want, my friend Marshall invited me to this party we could all go to. Marshall's great. He's just a lawyer, but somebody has to push the paper around for us creative types. Am I right? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"He asked her to a party. Oh, my God, are you okay? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Okay? It's awesome. It's a win-win. Ted got to vent and I don't have to hear it. Maybe after he's done with the talkie-talk, he'll come over and I'll get the fun part. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"What is wrong with you? God, I feel like I'm teaching love as a second language here. Okay, you know how when he tells you boring work stories you're supposed to listen? Well, when he picks up some random girl at a bar, you're supposed to freak out. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"I'm not freaking out because in my mind, she's fat. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"All right, we'll swing by the party. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Damn, these are some drunk almost-lawyers. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Okay, where are the guys and the hooker? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Hey, drunk legal dude, um... Have you seen Marshall Ericksen? He was with a guy named Ted. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Awards are nice, they look good on my shelf. But none of that acclaim means anything compared to the joy of seeing the sun rise over your first building. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"I know you would. It's the job. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"I didn't want to ruin the party for everybody this early, but, uh... everyone take a seat. Um... Lily actually called off the wedding this summer to go to San Francisco. So... We're broken up. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"Yeah, that's not really the part I was worried about, guys. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"Guys, can we cease and desist with the lawyer speak for a minute? Love died. The love that made you all believe in love, that's dead now. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"Uh, really? On what ground, Kara? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"See? Marshall's still hung up on our breakup. Why? Because I listened to him. It was a strong and nurturing relationship that I threw away like old gum. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Not that I'm worried or anything, but, um, back to the sun rising over Ted and, uh... Oh, what tasteful way did you describe her? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Yes, that's the young lady. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Yeah, okay. There is no way Ted went dancing. Ted hates clubs. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Hell, yeah. I love clubs. I mean, I was going to design a cathedral tonight, kind of take a whack at the whole relationship between God and man conundrum. But sure, let's go dancing. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Wait, let me just check with my friend. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Hey, Marshall. You up for some super loud, repetitive music that hasn't changed since the mid-90s? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"Um... only always. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Let's go. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Dancing? He went dancing with this girl? Okay, maybe this is a little bad. Dancing is bad. Dancing leads to sex. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Did you grow up in that Footloose town? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"I'm calling him. I'm telling him that I was wrong and I'm sorry, and I totally want to listen to his stupid stories. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Yeah, think of another way to phrase that and you'll be fine. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"He's not answering. Calling Marshall. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"Hello. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Marshall, hi, it's Robin. Can I talk to Ted? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"Oh, Robin, hi. Um, no, Ted's not here tonight. He's, uh... he's working. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Uh, okay. Bye. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Excuse me. I'm looking for a couple guys who came in here earlier. One's about six-four, 210, sandy brown hair. And the other's a cheating bastard. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Okay, fella. Baby knows how this game's played. How's a $20 help your memory? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Then can I have the...? That's cool. You keep that. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"So these guys... One of them's an architect. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"That's the one. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"And then I was all, ""No, Frank Gehry, you're on your own this time."" And that, my dear, was the end of that hack's career. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"That is one hell of a non sequitur. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Well, I don't know. But I suppose I should at least give you a ride home. Hop on. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"Dude, dude, what are you doing? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Galloping. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"You proved it, all right? The whole ""Ted Mosby, architect"" things works. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"Aren't you a little worried that a certain somebody might find out that you're doing this? This isn't you, Ted. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"It is tonight. Whoo! " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"You know this girl. Where does she live? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Well, I'm out of money. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"I'm cashed, too. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"My purse? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Okay, fine. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"You should tell her that looks really good with a chocolate boot. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Bitch is lucky I brought my small purse. No room for my g*n. Here. Now where does the rodeo slut live? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Oh, my God, Robin, are you going to kick this girl's ass? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Yeah... And steal her purse. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"I can't believe he's cheating on me. You know how many times I could have cheated? Six... no seven. And you know two of them, and they would surprise you. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"3-C, let's do this. You ready? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Should I just kick the door in? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Those are really nice heels and you already lost the purse. Let's see if it's unlocked. It's unlocked. Okay, get in there and kick some spankable ass. Robin? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"I'm the problem. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"What? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"You were right. I don't know how to be a girlfriend. I took the nicest guy in the world and I made him a cheater. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Well, don't stand out here and beat yourself up. Get in there and beat Ted up. I'll handle the slutty kickboxer. Actually, I'll take Ted. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Let's do this. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Bring it. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"What do you think you're...? Barney? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"(tied up to the bed) " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Okay, I'm totally lost here. Where's Ted? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"Ted? He's at work. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"How did you get here? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"Awesome story. As per usual. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Solid point. And she did have hair of gold. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"(coming back in the bar) " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Yes, they did. And you're just in time. Girls, I got to go, but I'm leaving you in very good, if slightly sullied hands. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"Yeah, stay " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Excuse us for one second. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"Yeah, you did. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Yeah, had to. See ya. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"(to the girl) " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"Ted Mosby... Architect. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"But none of that acclaim means anything compared to the joy of seeing the sun rise over your first building. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"Dude, dude, what are you doing? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"Galloping. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"All right, you proved it. The whole ""Ted Mosby, architect"" thing works. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Marshall,"Aren't you afraid a certain somebody might find out about this? I mean, this isn't you, Ted. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"It is tonight. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"And that led to a couple of hours that I cannot, as a gentleman, divulge to you. We did it right here, and here and here. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"But why would you use Ted's name? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"I've had some recent bad press on the World Wide Web. So I'm taking a T.O. on the whole ""using my real name"" thing. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Oh, this is great. It wasn't Ted. Everything's okay. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Everything isn't okay. Look at me. I'm acting crazy and jealous and paranoid. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"This is how people act in relationships. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"And that's why I avoid relationships. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Lily,"Well, guess what, I haven't been crazy or jealous or paranoid in months, and I really miss it. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"And thus ended this chapter of, ""Let's pour our hearts out in the bedroom of Barney's one-night stand."" Come on, let's go before she gets out of the shower. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"You're such a pig. You're not even going to say good-bye? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Barney,"I'll have you know I composed a lovely form letter for use in just such an occasion. Just fill out her name and then... Something with a ""A."" A... A... I'll just put ""resident."" Go, go, go, go. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Hey. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Hey. What are you doing here? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"I brought donuts. And I don't want to brag, but they're filled with jelly. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Thanks. So, uh... how was your night? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"It was... fine. Nothing exciting. How was yours? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"You really want to hear about boring architect stuff? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Yes, I do. I'm sorry about earlier. To tell you the truth, I never even saw all of " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"What? The best part's the last 20 minutes. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Well, maybe they should have moved that part up a little bit earlier, 'cause... You know what, um... What I'm trying to say is... I love being the person you bitch to. So how was your day, Mr. Architect? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Oh, I like the way you say that. Hey, you want to see the building that will make every man in Spokane feel inadequate? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Obviously. Wow. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Yes. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"You know, you didn't mention all the foliage around the base. If you trim that back, the rest would look bigger. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"You don't have to tell me. And, um... just for fun, I've... I've sort of been working on my own idea of what I think the building should be. What do you think? " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"Wow. Ted, this is amazing. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Thanks. It's not like it will ever come to anything. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Robin,"I don't know. It might come to something. You know, girls find architects very hot. " 2x04 - Ted Mosby: Architect,Ted,"Okay, but I don't want you expecting 78 storeys or anything. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," Well, I love commitment. I wish i could marry commitment. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," I met a girl last night. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Really? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," So perky and full of life and not at all fake. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," You're talking about her boobs, right? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," C! And that wasn't spanish, that was cup size! What up! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," So these boobs... " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," Mmmm... " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Paint me a word picture. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," All right, Ted. Imagine the heads of two Irish babies. Let's call them... and " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Please stop! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Why could you come in? you hear me shaving! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," I thought you were shaving your face! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Well, clearly i wasn't! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Guys, it's 3:00 in the morning and it reeks in here. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," Ted said it was okay. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Ted! How many times have i asked you to put the lid back on the peanut butter jar? It's this sort of incoiderate, immature jackassery that makes me feel like i'm living in the Realworld house, and not the early years when they all had jobs and social consciences. I'm talking about Hawaii and after! I can't take this anymore! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Hey, here's one. Private building, recently renovated, hardwood floors, tons of light, two bedroom, 2 bath. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Oh yeah, but that one's not for rent. It's for sale! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Oh right! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," You should buy a place! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," what? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Baby, real estate is always a good investment! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," And the market is really hot right now. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," And because of my new job, we are in such a strong place financially. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Hy! My name is Lily and I'm a shopaholic. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," I buy designer clothes and accessories that i can't afford. I have 15 creditcards and they're all maxed out. And no one outside of this room, not even my husband, knows. And i feel terrible because all i want to do right now is ask you where you got those shoes? They're adorable. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," we can't buy, we have debt. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Yeah, i know, my sudent loans are pretty big. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," I forgive you. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," What? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Well... I'm just saying as your wife, you know i'm cool that you spent tens of thousands of dollars on a brand name law school because i know it make you feel good and pretty. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Let's just go take a look at this place. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Where is it? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Uh, it's in a neighborhood called... Dowisetrepla? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Dowisetrepla? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," O, Actually we live on the Upper West side, so... " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," O right Dowisetrepla! No, i'm from New york. I know this neighborhood. I'm down in the D-town. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," I'm, I'm gonna stop you right there. Dont bother with the hard sell. This place is, is way out of our price range, and besides, we've only just started to looking. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," I'm gonna stop you right there. I LOVE IT. LET'S GET IT! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Thank you guys for coming down here so quickly. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," I've never been to this neighborhood. Kind of thought this part of town was water " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," No, Dude. This is dowisetrepla. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Dowisetrepla? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," yeah! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Is that an abbreviation for something? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," pffff he's from Ohio. Dowisetrepla is the up-and-coming neighborhood. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," oh! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," I think this right the place where lily and i start a family, I can see it now. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," All right, bring it home, boys! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Sounds great boys! Who wants chocolate pancakes? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Man, life is gonna be sweet! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," Oh my god lily, have you seen this kitchen? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," I know. It's... Isn't it amazing? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," What the hell are you doing? You can't buy this place; lily you have a debt of the size of Mount Waddington! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Waddington? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," It's the tallest mountain in Canada. It's like 4000 meters high. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," meters? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," Ro, don't let Marshall fall in love with this apartment. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," I know, i know, i know, i know! But what do i tell him? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," I-I don't know, tell him, tell him you saw a ghost. Tell him it's haunted. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," You really don't know Marshall at all. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," So, uh, the owners, where are they? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," I see. Between you and me, i'm also interested in this apartment. So is there any way i could come back later and check it out while you'rte showing them other places? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Are you serious? You're trying to sneak this apartment away from Marshall and Lily? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," Ted, do you think i have no morals whatsoever? I simply want to fool a girl into thinking this is my apartment so i can nail her once and never have to see her again. I'm not a monster! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," I see what you're doing here. ""another couple"", please, that crap is page one out of the Realtor's playbook. And we're not buying it. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Another couple? No! We want it. Sell it to us. We'll give you so much more money. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Oh Marshall, can i talk to you? Marshall, i just... I don't know if now is the right time to buy."" " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," But we're not doing this for now, we're doing this for our future. Can't you imagine starting a family here? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," oh persephone! oh daphne! these'll be perfect additions to our upcoming mother-daughter exhibit at the Met. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Looks great girls. Who wants crapes of " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," I love it, but Marshall, i should have told you this long time ago. We can't afford to buy an apartment because i have too much credit card debt. I am so sorry. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," To Lily and Marshall and their momentous step forward into adulthood. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Yes! I've been staring at that thing for years. Wendy, bring me the comically large bottle of champagne. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Honey, once you've made the sale, stop selling. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney,"Marshall, Ted, All right, let's do it. Let's do it. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," you should be a reality show. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," Welcome to my humble abode. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," Ah, make yourself at home. Please get comfortable. If you see something you like, just take it. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," Uh... That's my parents. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," Yeah! They're a chinese couple that wanted a white baby, it works both ways. Cookie? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," You got me. My sisters taught me how to bake and how to listen. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," I'm glad. Sometimes, i don't. A place like this really needs a lady of the house. I know it's early to be thinking of you as... Oh, God, i'm freaking you out, aren't I? It's just you make me feel so safe. I didn't..."" " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Hey, uh, can we get this in singles? Before we get the apartment i want to put in a kiddie pool and swim around in it naked. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Thank you. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," What? Why? I mean, you already have Marshall's. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Well, can we just go ahead and do it in my husband's name? He's the head of the household. He earns the big bucks. I mean, can women even own property? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Go ahead, just give him your social. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Okay my... my social is, uh... 1glmmdhgj2. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Under six percent, under six percent, please " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," No way. That-that can't be right. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Let's get out of here, Marshall. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Hold it, I- i don't understand. Did we do something wrong or...? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," My student loans. Great. I thought we were friends. you know what, it's fine to penalize me for trying to get an education and bud a career, but i will not let you deprive my beautiful wife of her dream home just because i... " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," Okay, let me get this straight. You just snuck this girl into some stranger's apartment? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," Yeah, we spent the night. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," Hey, look at you. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," The only thing missing from that bathrobe are your initials. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," Only if she sleeps in the bed and i sleep on the couch. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," I love you. There, i said it and i'm not taking it back. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," How about you get in the shower, and i will make us some waffles. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," Works at every time. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," Wait. That time that you offered to walk my dogs when i went to visit my dad in Vancouver... " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," Yup! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," Yeah. That little guy saw some stuff i'm not proud of. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," Wh-what? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," There was a fight here. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," What do you mean? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Whenever Marshall and Lily have a big argument, they always leave a trail of evidence all over the apartment. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," Oh, God here we go. He had a detective club as a kid. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," HUm the Mosby boys cracked a lot of big cases. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," The Mosby boys? You mean you and your sister. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," We solved the mystery of the missing retainer. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," Let me guess, it was in the garbage. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Why are you like this? Anyway, this is serious. I know Lily and Marshall. All the tell tale signs are here. Like this " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," A water bott. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," It's not stiny water bottle. Notice the label is peed off. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Just as i suspected, Cherry Garcia. Given the liquid consistency, i place the fight between... noon and 1. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," Ew, that was on the floor. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," If you wwant to get to the bottom of this, you're gonna need a stronger stomach than that, doll face. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Marshall stood here. Eating and yelling, yelling and eating. Lily stood here. Crying. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," Hey, Ted! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," And then Marshall tried to storm out... but Lily went for the Hail Marpass. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," What do you think, make obsess? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," There'd be a bigger mess. tempted as he was, Marshall was still too upset. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," Which Is why this picture is crooked. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Nice catch, Robin. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," I'll just, uh, take this down to the lab. . " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Now that we need is a motive. The million dollar question what were they fighting about? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," I know what they've been fighting... " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," bup bup bup bup bup... Theres's only one possible conclusion. Lily and Marshall are fighting about peanut butter. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," Ah! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Lily left the lid off... and marshall blew heads. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," I know what they were fighting about, and it wasn't peanut butter. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," Robin, just... " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," I appreciate your help, but there's a reason your name is Robin, not Batman. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," They were fighting because they didn't get the loan and it's all Lily's fault. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," Robin, just... " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," What? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," Yeah, she has a pile of debt the size of mount... Rushmore " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Nice try Robin. So, the next thing Lily did was give Marshall a few hours to cool off about the peanut butter. Then she called him to apologize, which is why the last number dialed is... " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," This can't be happening. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," They can't... get divorced. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Not Lily and Marshall, no way. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," Well, it's been nice knowing you guys. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," What do you mean? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," Well, Marshall's gonna get yyou guys, Lily's gonna get me. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Even if they break up, that doesn't mean we can't all hangout. I mean we broke up and we still hang out. It's not weird. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," It's a little weird. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Yeah, it is. It's weird. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," The world needs Marshall and Lily... together... I'm not crying, there's something in my eye. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," They're back. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Hey, hey guys. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," We have an annoucement. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," I hit redial on the phone. Divorce lawyers? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Ow, I should explain. We got in a pretty big fight. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Marshall stormed out. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," I went, uh, to the bar. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Still drinking that? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," I paid for it. And apparently money's tight now, so... " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Listen, i've been thinking about this, and i know there's no way to undo what i've done, but, well, I made an appointment with a divorce lawyer. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," What?! What?! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Oh no no! no, no, no " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," No! I just mean on papers, so that you can buy the apartment without my bad credit dragging us down. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Lily... are you trying to k*ll me? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," I'm sorry, i shouldn't have led with the divorce lawyer part. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," No, you shouldn't have! I love you, Lily. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," I love you too, and i want us to have our dream home. And well, i don't know, it seems like this is a way to do it. So Marshall Eriksen, will you divorce me? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," That's the sweetest divorce proposal i've ever heard. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," So is that a yes? You can't sleep with other women though. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," No we're not getting divorced, not even on paper. Lily, when i married you, i married your problems too. The ones i knew about and the ones i didn't. So that was the deal, we'll figure this out together. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," So you're not getting a divorce? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," No! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Ted," Wow, guys! You scared us. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Barney," Oh, thank God. Cause, i mean, if you did then who'd be the lame married couple i get to make fun of? Like 'Hey Marshall, you're married mrs right, you just didn't know her first name was Always.' That stuff is cold. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Robin," So what's the annoucement? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," I just got off the phone with the Realtor. We told her that, uh, because of our finances, we're not getting the place. It's just --it's not the right time. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," I just got off the phone with the Realtor. we got the place! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," We're home on earth! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Ow this is exciting! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Yeah! There it is! Our new home! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Shall we? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," We shall. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Oh! what a horrible smell. " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," It reeks! " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily," Wh-what plant? What are you talking about? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Marshall," Wait... What did you just say? " 3x07 - Dowisetrepla,Lily,"Marshall & Oh oh " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"What? That's... What is that word you taught me? ""Bull"" something? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"But you're supposed to take me to see that Zeppelin cover band next week. The night is gonna be... Led-and-Jerry. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"A drunk audience. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Bye. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"I am so angry at my dad! Guess who called me today. Go on, guess. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"Mmm. Your dad? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"My dad! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Barney Stinson. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Ooh, hold on, let me check my personality. Oh, no. Turns out I would never do that in a million years. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"You do not know how right you are. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Zero right! We're not getting too old for anything. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"You sure? I feel like we collectively learn the opposite lesson, like, at least once a year. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"I have to face an ugly truth. Jerry Whittaker, my own father, is anti-awesome-etic. I know Crazy Jerry's still in there somewhere, but he's trapped under 20 years of lawnmower parties and carpool barbecues. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Wow, you know nothing about the suburbs. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,":Well, this Saturday night, I am bustin' him out. I'm gonna make Jerry realize he was wrong about giving up his old life by showing him the awesomest night of all time. And for the awesomest night of all time, I'm going to need the awesomest friends of all time. Okay, who do I know? Guys...! Do any of you know George Clooney? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Okay, my dad's almost here. I need everything to be as awesome as possible tonight. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Lily,"That's why you brought these guys. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,":No. That's why I brought these guys. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"Improvements?! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,":Yeah. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"Bro, we are already the four jiggity-jamminest dudes and dudettes this side of... Okay, let's see the cards. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,":Robin, no one watches the news unless it's a car chase or a nip slip. You are now a professional scotch taster. Lily, Jerry needs to learn that other lifestyles are just as fulfilling as monogamy, so now you and Marshall are in an open marriage. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Lily,"Whoo-hoo! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"Gross! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,":Also, Marshall, you can't just be unemployed, so you are now a gin-swilling, womanizing playwright. And, Ted, just be yourself. (chuckles) Just kidding. Here's a giant pile of topics you should avoid talking about. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Well. Well, this could actually be fun. In fact, I believe it was Oscar Wilde who said, ""Man is least himself when he talks..."" " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,":Ted, card. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Ah. You're right... ""No quoting Oscar Wilde."" " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,":Finally... Robin, you're dating Ted. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Aw, man! Why? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"I can't have any single female friends lying around. My dad'll be all, Why don't you marry Robin? You guys are cute together. Deep down, you know you were never happier than when you were with her. Uh... (chuckles) no, thanks. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Lily,"Hey, Barney... love the new identities. Little thing... instead of being a naked super ninja, can I be Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"How good was that movie? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"And... hence new identities. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Jerry, you remember Marshall... he's a well-known writer. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"Playwright. We're all writers, just some of us don't know what our story is yet. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Lily, his wife. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Lily,"Well, most nights. Mama don't let no ring get in the way of a good time. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Uh, hi again. Ted. Oh, and, Jerry, you remember my girlfriend. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Robin. Hi. So nice to see you again. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Wait, wait. Jerry, I got to tell you the truth. Guys, I'm gonna tell him. We're also a band. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Oh, we're not drinking here. Tonight we're going big. Let's see, what club should we hit first? There's Club Was, there's Wrong... " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"Um, those places shut down a long time ago. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Oh, no. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"Oh, No shut down, too. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"There's Where? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Lily,"Where's where Was was, isn't it? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"No, Was wasn't where Where was, Was was where Wrong was, right? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Not Okay. That place is lame. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Okay is Lame? I thought Lame was a gay bar. Or is that Wrong? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"That's wrong. That's not Wrong. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Guys, focus. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Oh, I like Focus. Let's go there. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Where? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Not Where. Focus. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Lily,"I thought Focus was closed. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"No, Was was Closed. Once Was shut down, it reopened as Closed. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"So Closed is open. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"No, Closed is closed. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Ew, Third Base is all frat guys. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Not Okay. Okay is lame. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Okay is not Lame. Lame is a gay bar. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Lily,"Guys, shut up. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"No, Shut up shut down. I can't believe I don't know the clubs anymore. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"Guys, just pick a club, okay? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Not Okay! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"For the record, I was in there once by accident. I'm pretty sure it's pronounced Lamé. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"It's hopeless, isn't it? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"Wow. A lot of these girls are young enough to be our daughters. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"I know. Daddy's home. And Granddaddy's home! Tonight rocks so hard! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Oh, my God, my secret crush is here. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Lily,"Mila Kunis?! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"No, my secret crush. We met a few years ago. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Uh... no. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Oh. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"I had to leave before we could finish talking, so that was it. You know, ever since then, I've always... Oh, my God, he's coming over here. Oh. Hello. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Oh, I'm sorry, you must have me confused with the shirt you were wearing that day. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Hi! I'm Ted! Robin's boyfriend! Nice to meet you. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Mm-hmm. You, too. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,", " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"You owe me one. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Man, isn't this place great? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"And so bourgeois. Many of plays are about the bourgeois. And ennui. And one rock opera about... a frozen yogurt shop. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Uh, L-Lily, uh, talk about your open marriage. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Lily,"Okay. Well, after a long day of style meetings and photo sh**t and being way too mean to my assistant, I sometimes bang an underwear model. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"I sleep around, too. Just as much. A little more, even. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Lily,"Oh, uh, only 'cause you have nothing to do all day. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"Are we having this fight again? Writing plays is a real job! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Lily,"I work 90 hours a week subsidizing your ""real job."" " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"I won a Tony! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Lily,"I brought French cooking to America! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"What? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Let's do shots. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"No. Don't you remember what you said to me when I was a kid? ""Never stop partying."" " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"You don't remember the last thing you said to me when I was a kid? Well... you know, why don't you just go back home? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Yeah, well, I want to hang out with Crazy Jerry, not Stay-at-Home Jerome. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Can you believe it? This is awesome! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Barney, how is that awesome? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"I finally know what it's like to be embarrassed by my dad. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"So you really believe that if we were in an open marriage that you would do better than me? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Lily,"Hey, you do better than me at a lot of other things, like digesting dairy... and reaching for stuff. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Lily,"So our usual wager. Deal. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Hey, uh, hey, Jerry, y... you really want to be out here like this? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"No, of course not. I... I just... " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Yeah! Let's do it! Uh, maybe fix the tie. But mostly, party! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Okay, Jerry's gone; Let's break up. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Okay. ""I would have stolen you a whole orchestra."" There. What's the rush? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Well, that guy who came over here who thinks we're dating, I kind of have a crush on him. Can you help me clear it up? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Really? That guy? He was, like, a four. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"A four? God, you are, like, the worst judge of guys ever. Okay, if he is a four, what are you? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Hey! I'm not perfect; I'm an eight... and a half. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"You're a doofus and a half. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Fine. Let's go talk to him. Where'd you meet this booger-eater anyway? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"At a close-out sale at Dawes. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Really? I remember that sale. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Hey, Robin. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Oh, Ted. Oh, no. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Look what I just bought. Right? Right? (He is wearing the Red Boots) " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Hold on. We were dating then. I specifically remember, because we had great sex that night. Great sex. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Let me guess. Someone wants to knock... boots. Boots. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Just take off your damn shirt. Okay. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"All right. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"All right. Whoa, stop. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"What? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Stop. Perfect. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"But I... I can't see, and you can't see me. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Yeah. Yeah, just like that. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"You were picturing your crush! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Well, somebody had to. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Okay, okay, answer me this. Are you absolutely sure it had nothing whatsoever... to do with the boots? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Yes. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"(laughing)Hey, hey! There we go! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Oh...! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"It's okay, Dad. I never thought tonight would be so awesome! So... next stop, strip club. The Lusty Leopard has a special... " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"What? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,", " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"But all those crazy things you did. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"A drunk audience. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"No, no, no. You don't even know! Right here! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Oh...! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"What just happened? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Well, why do all those things? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"You lied to me all night for your own selfish reasons? Daddy...! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Hey, you know, a... a pretty good magician like you probably knows how to, say, get out of a standard set of handcuffs. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Well, here's something you didn't know... I'm a pretty good magician, too. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Oh, hey! Thank you so much. We're super excited. We're thinking June. ( " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,", " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Do you have these in a size 11? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"So get off the field at the Superdome, because you ain't no saint. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"Hello. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"I, uh... Oh. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"Hi, Robin. Could I have your phone number? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"We need someplace to hide. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"No, Jerry, this is not the time to go to another club! We've got to get you back home in time for that trip. But there's no more trains, there's no cabs. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Step on it! Jerry... " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Jerry, we have got to get you home in time for that fishing trip. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"This is no time for laws! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"I am not going to buckle up! " 6x21 - Hopeless,Ted,"Hey! How's the open marriage going? Who was the first one to get the five numbers? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Lily,"I won that race. My prize... sex in the bathroom. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Marshall,"And I won that race. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Lily,"Aw, sorry that secret crush didn't work out for you. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"Oh, it's okay. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Lily,"Why are you smiling? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Robin,"I don't know. Good night. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"How did you do it? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"How did you become this? I mean, I love my life, but... I'm not sure I like loving it. Sure, strip clubs... " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"Hey, I'm trying to open up to you... " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"When I think about going for anything more than that, I look at my life, and who I am, and... I'm too far gone. I'm broken. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,":So how do you do it? " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,":Maybe I've met her already. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,":Maybe some other time. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,":I'm going fishing with my dad. " 6x21 - Hopeless,Barney,"This... sucks. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Well, that explains where Barney is. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Dibs on his wings! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," Hey, guys! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Hey! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," Does anyone know who won the Superbowl? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," You were there. It was the... " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," I won! Because I'm now in possession of a magic phone that always rings. And you know who's always usually on the other end? A chick. So how many chicks do I have calling me now? Infinity! Guys, remember Ranjit? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Hey, Ranjit! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Good to see you. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," OK I've enlisted Ranjit's services as my personal driver because for the next week I'll be sleeping with hundreds of women and I don't want to take the subway cause... you know... germs! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Wait, you're... you're actually gonna hook up with these girls that call you? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," Oh, indubitably! I'm meeting the first one here any minute. Keep your eyes pealed for a red sweater. Based on her texts, she's dirty, dyslexic and want to 96 me, semi-colon and parenthesis. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," This ought to be good. I can only imagine the quality of girls... " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," Magic phone, guys. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Oh, hey guys, hey Ranjit. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," Hey. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," How's it going? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," That beer looks a little flat. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Nuh, it's scotch. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Something troubling you, kiddo? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Hhhhh Don. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Now that's what I call having a woof over your head. Don. DON? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," He asked you out? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," He asked me out. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," That's crazy! And they use ""Ulee"" because of the vowels. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," What did you say? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Well we were on the air, I was on the spot, so I said OK. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," Oh, oh, oh! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Robin, you're gonna marry this man so freaking hard, right in the butt. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," What? Nooo I HATE Don. And now I can't cancel because I said I would go out with him on the air. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," What would your viewers think? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Wow wow wow, you said you'd go out with him on Valentine's? I thought we had plans! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Getting drunk and cleaning the apartment was a plan? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," I did NOT...say... it was a good plan. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," Guys, guys, guys, we're on me now. And it is getting in-teh-resting. Looks at these texts. Read this one. Yowza! Now look at this one. Does she text her mother with those fingers? Now look at this one... or this one, or this one, or this one, or... " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," OK OK OK buddy, how about you do this? Go nail that girl, then read your texts. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," I can't do that, Ted. I just can't hook up with a girl if there is a hotter girl out there with whom up can be hooked. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," Isn't there always a hotter girl? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," I know, isn't it wonderful? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," So there's a hotter girl. Isn't that the problem in a nutshell? There's too many options. You got internet dating, you got bars... " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," Holding up your phone number on national TV. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Hm. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," It is true. It's very rare that two people just meet and fall madly in love... like Robin and Don. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Oh but we're not even like going out for dinner, we're just hanging out at his place. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," No, it's not like that. It's just us and a bunch of other people. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," Wait, Robin, what exactly did Don say when he asked you out? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Errrrrrr...I... OK. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," Robin, Don didn't ask you out. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Err, of course he asked me out. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Err no he didn't. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Yes, he did. He did. He did. He DID! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Well, dog my cats! I think I know what's going on here. Robin... did you WANT Don to ask out? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Whaaat?!! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," See! That right there is what free will gets you. Constant ego-shattering uncertainty. I'm done with that. I want what Ranjit has. I've spent my entire adult life looking for the perfect woman and I'm spending Valentine's Day scrubbing the toilet. I need someone else to find me that woman. Marshall, Lily, arrange-marriage me! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," You want us to arrange your marriage? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Absolutely. Looks there's two sides to dating, right? Picking and getting picked. Getting picked, I'm good at. Ladies looove Teddy Westside. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," You're waiting for me to comment on your self-assigned nickname? Well, here's my comment. I love it. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Really?! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Teddy Westside? Continue. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," It's the picking, I suck at. I pick the wrong girls. But you guys, you're the best pickers I know. You picked each other. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," Oh well with the slight assist from the Wesleyan housing department. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," And a healthy splash of Drakkar Noir. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Get out there and find me a girl. We'll double date on Valentine's Day. If I like her, I will marry her... if she's cool with it. And she will be. Cause I'll wear my nice blazer. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," I love that blazer. Almost as much as Robin loves Don. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," I do not love Don. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Robin, neurologically speaking, the part of the human brain that makes you hate people is located right next to the part of the brain that makes you want to jump people's bones. The two responses are so similar, it's hard to tell them apart. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," You know what it's like? Wait, I have to get a book. Give me 30 seconds. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," OK this is fun. Look at this picture. It's a rabbit! You can look at it for hours and be absolutely sure it's a rabbit. But then one day, you look at it and you realize, ""wait a second, it's a duck!"" Rabbit, duck, rabbit, duck. Isn't it fun? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Relationships are like that. I mean, look, when you first met Don, you hated him, you thought ""This guy's a duck"", but one of these days you're gonna realize ""This is actually someone that I love, he's a rabbit"". " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Wow I think you got it backwards there, buddy. The duck is the thing you love, the rabbit is the thing you hate. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," What?!! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Yeah I got to agree. Duck's up, rabbit down. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," Definitely. Ducks are better than rabbits. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," I got... ducks are... ducks are... rabbits are adorable. Ducks are aargh. Have you ever been in a fight with a duck? I mean, ducks are... jerks. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Duck is delicious. Rabbit is all gamey. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Who carries a duck's foot for good luck? Anyone? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," You wrap yourself in a comforter stuffed with rabbit hair. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Hold on, I've got to get another book. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Then why don't we take, a rabbit, a duck, stick 'em in a cardboard box and let them fight it out? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Because it's illegal, Ted! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Only if we bet on it, Marshall! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," FINE! I CAN SEE IT! YOU WIN! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Say it. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," You have to say it. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Duck's good... " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," YAYYYYY. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," YAY. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," YESSS. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Thank you. And Don is, and always will be, a rabbit. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Oh I wouldn't be so sure about that, Robin. Think about it. Don... Donald. Donald... Duck. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," Pants. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Pants. Don's... a duck " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," I'll allow it. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Lawyered. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," There is no place I would rather be and no one I would rather be with... " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," McLaren's pub. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," Well, heeelllooo. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," There is no place I would rather be, and no one I would rather be " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," McLaren's pub. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," Well, heeelllooo. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," No place I'd rather be, no one I'd rather b... baaah... for Pete's sake. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," McLaren's pub. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," Well, heeelllooo. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," OK. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," Ay ay ay. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," Yeah of course. Why, why wouldn't I be?... " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," I'm free. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," Ahh now this feels right. There is no place I would rather be, and no one I would rather be... " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," Did you hear that? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," Shhhhhhhh. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," McLaren's pub!! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Aren't we supposed to go on a double date with Ted? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," Ted? No, he's not seeing anyone. Remember, he asked us to find... " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Oh, no. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Hey! Hey, wanna get married? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," You can be choosey? You're in a bar on Valentine's Day, uh! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Hey, just real quick... " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," Man, Ted's right, it's tough out there. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," This is stupid. You know what, we forgot about this. I'm sure Ted did also. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Here comes the groom in his favorite blazer, gonna meet my wife and I'm...laser, tazer, gaze her, take, bathe her? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Hey, Ted? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Yeah? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Before you go meet your future wife, why don't you swing by Don's party with me? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," That's what you're wearing? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Yeah, why? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," He's a duck. That dude be straight-ducking. ""And I think that I'll amaze her"". Nailed it! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Look, Robin, I don't wanna crowd you on your little date here, so if things start to get hot and heavy with Don... " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," They're not gonna get... " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," I'm just saying, if they do... I'll just say ""Well, I got a dinner res"" and then, wait this is the last part, I've been working on it for a while... I'll duck out. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Ha ha ha. It's not gonna get happen... but yeah, do that! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Well, I got a dinner res... " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Come... god, Don, what the hell are you doing? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Yeah, cause I would never, could like, standards, so... you know... I thought this was a party. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Ted's not my date. He's a friend. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," So he's a rabbit. At least you know for sure. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Ted, this may hurt a little, I'm recycling your old Architecture Weekly magazines. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," What are you doing? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Cleaning. You go on your date. Happy Valentine's Day. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Oh, thank god, you're here! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Yeah, I've been thinking, hmm, maybe we should call this whole thing off... " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," No. Ted. We got her. It's, it's the craziest thing. We were searching all week and then a couple hours ago... " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Trudy? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," Married. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Blah Blah? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," Committed. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Relationship? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," Bellevue. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Natalie? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," Ted's her least favorite person in the world. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Well, she's not getting any younger. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," Get rid of it. This phone is cursed. Cursed, I tell you! I tried to ignore it but it just never stops ringing. It's ruining my life! I should get that. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," We have to find Ted a wife. We're being too choosey. It almost doesn't matter who it is at this point " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," It's a phone girl!? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," I know, I know... but no, then we met her and Ted... she's a world-class violinist, she's a gourmet cook and she can quote every line from Caddy Shack. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Wow. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Oh but Natalia, tell Ted the problem. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," Yeah, yeah, tell him, tell him! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," What? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Rabbit. Sorry, guys, I gotta go. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Why would Ted order the rabbit if he's just gonna run out? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," I need it back. Where is the phone? Well, heeellooooo. Oh I met you already. Where is the phone? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," It's hidden. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," Where? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," You go on your date. Happy Valentine's Day. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Barney's phone... I wonder how it got in there? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Ted! Come on. Big date. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Uh what's the harm... Hello! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Terrific. I will see you there. And I'll be the guy in the awesome blazer. Ah ah ah I think you'll know the blazer when you see it. Oooh! I gotta go. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Oh, thank god, you're here. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Rabbit. Sorry, guys, I gotta go. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Well, heeellooooo. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," My phone. I'm taking it back. And I'm taking your cool nickname too. Barney Westside speaking. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," No, no, I love it so much. It just keeps ringing and ringing and ringing. Give it, give it. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," It's mine now. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Barney," It's not your phone. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Marshall," Lily. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Lily," " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Being single sucks. It turns you into a crazy person. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," I know. So much running around and freaking out. For what? " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," So long as you can find someone you can sit on the couch and put off cleaning the bathroom with. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Well, the joke's on the rest of the world cause we can do that on our own. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Ted," Exactly. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Exactly. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Save it. Let's just do the news. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Clearly. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," 12. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," You can... just look at your mug. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Well, I'll believe that when I see it. " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," Don!! You're wearing pants! " 5x15 - Rabbit or Duck,Robin," " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Oh my God, guys, I still have a hangover. Did I really ruin a marriage? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," No, you did not ruin a marriage. Only reception. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Robin," And Miztva Bar next door. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," And my dress. And your dress. You put a dress at one point. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Ok, you know what, it's good. I'll be a father, and I want to be the kind of man that my child can watch. Therefore, new resolution... I will never drunk! I'm serious! " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," I've done it again! " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," What happened to your leg? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," Oh, nothing. I must have coffee with Nora. She is still angry, so I need some ""sympathy points"". She loves musicals, so I'll tell him that I fell off stage during a performance of ""Man of La Mancha."" What do you think? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," Lose the cast. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," A one-man show... I love it! " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," Let us be clear... this woman is angry against you because you lied to him. So your solution is to claim that you broke your leg? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," You're right. A cervical neck brace! Thank you, Lil. I should have to talk to you soon. I trained all day with these crutches and one who has left in my hall is likely to need it. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," Well, I have good news. As you know, I recently decided to start out and see the girls. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," Uh, yes. Salvation. I'm Ted. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," That's great, Ted. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," It was a completely random moment. The kind that you can create yourself... At least I thought. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," Oh, no. How have I landed on it? Salvation. Ted Mosby. I plead guilty. Salvation. Ted Mosby. It's embarrassing. I will be on the cover of ""An egg on my face"" magazine. But I'm not. I'm on the cover of that one. Salvation. Ted Mosby. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," completely random 16 times in one day, and 16 of these, 10 were single. Of these 10, seven have loved what they saw. Of these seven, four were women. And these four, two have given me their real number. And I go with both. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Guys, this is Garrison Cootes. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," If I did not work, I could finish... in kind, a Taco Belle somewhere. And nobody wants that. Unless you want to do this, like this you would have free tacos, since you are my friends. But now I need you all calmiez! Hello. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," I love the work you do. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," No, I mean it. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," He's interested! " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," It's fantastic, Mr Cootes! " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," The crocodile you saw? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," Hi Nora, thank you for coming. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," My naked...? Oh, that's nothing. I was playing in a One Man Show at Fiddler. There was this scene... " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," Wait, Nora, waiting... No, please. I'm sorry. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," Someone who likes you, really. And suspicious, and probably accurately you do it over more later, and therefore he feels the need... I'm sorry, you spoke of this fantastic pair of tits, right? Because I seek, and I do not see them. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," I just had two rencards following. With two adorable girls, four cappuccinos and wait... I do not know which was the best. Here are the girls: Jessica is a student in Rhode Island, she traveled around the world, speaks four languages and plays the piano. Claire and fought for the bill. So I do not know. It is t*rture. You see, the two girls have the potential to be really special. They both deserve a second round. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," Wait a minute. You're going to handle two girls at once? You do not think you should pick one before it gets too serious? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," Define ""serious"". " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," Well, it's complicated. I think it would be when you have expectations, emotional involvement... " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Third base. Seriously, third base. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," So I can go to the second two with no problem? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Treat yourself my friend. Treat yourself. Oh no. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Poor. This is very bad. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Oh! Oh! Someone there mentioned generous donation? I'm Marshall Eriksen. But you can call me Biercules! " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," Well, it could be anyone. And thin, I had forgotten this story Biercules.Who made this site first? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Pete Durkenson. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," Of course. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Robin," This is the guy who convinced you to run around campus naked? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," I wanted to join a club that I left three days later, because the clubs are stupid and elitist. And I also discovered that it was not a club. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," Oh my God. This is huge! I am invited to the Ball of Architects, the annual gala honoring the greatest architects of the city. Oh no. You guys see the problem? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Robin," This is an annual gala that honors the greatest architects of the city? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," Robin, this is the biggest celebrity event of the year. In taking a girl at the ball, man, you reached third base. Whatever the girl I invite, it will be the steady girlfriend of Ted Mosby by the end of the evening. Ok, we stop to sit between two chairs. Robin, bring me my notebook. It's time to make lists of pros and cons. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," Okay, I did not know. Mea culpa. So, from now, more lies. I never lie to you. I'm serious. Ask me anything. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," Have I ever... If I'm totally honest... Yes. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," More than once... Wow, this is... I guess if we... so, technically, there were a number of times I've lied to a woman to sleep with her. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," Nine or ten for most. There has been a 4 once. It was an easy girl.But, Nora, after that, I had to flee so fast. Honesty is good. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," You want me to tell all the lies I have told to put a woman in my bed? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," You are good. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Pete, Pete. Hey! " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Hey, I tried to call you all night. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," It is Sunday. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Ok, you know this old video of me? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," You have to take away the internet. Genre immediately. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Yes, both are non-negotiable refusal. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Who are you playing anyway? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," I do not have time to explain how I got there. I just need someone to suck the poison. The surgeon gave me a new face, darling. You realize that I am alive? My name is David Beckham. If I castais only the white swan, is the role for you. No, I am a lesbian. What I wear is just very realistic. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," Oh, once I am the soul man. There was this pretty girl who only go out with black. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," I can not choose. They are both extraordinary. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Robin," If architects had only two b*ll*ts, eh Ted? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," I knew it. Ted, left or right? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," Yes, yes, good idea. Let fate decide? I will choose the left. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Robin," Ted, to your heart, you know that you love one more than the other.Believe me, takes the other. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," Uh, I have perhaps not been clear is the... Robin Ball Architects.This event is a very hip. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Robin," Ok, name one celebrity who will be there. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," Lenny Kravitz. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Robin," Lenny Kravitz will be there? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," Yes. He is there every year. And it's a rock star. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Robin," You know, Ted, in hindsight, it is too early to choose between these two girls. Takes a friend. Like, I dunno, maybe a friend who has a poster of Lenny Kravitz on his wall, and may or may not have dated this post and transported from his high school... " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," This list of pros and cons leads to nothing. I need a color scale. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Robin,"Lily and Scale of colors! " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Pete, please. I am unemployed. I have a huge mortgage. A baby arriving. And I'm about to lose a job that I really need because of a drunken video of 15 years ago. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," There is no club. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," It's not that I want to be a troublemaker. Fair, I must be one. I'll be a dad. You have children one day, you will understand. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Pete, please, remove the video. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Oh no. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Pete, please, I'm tired... " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," I do not want to play Edward bottles money. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," And that made all the lies related to space. Let the world of sports. Oh wait, I forgot for a space: ""I was bitten by a snake space. You have to suck all the poison around my... "" " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," So that was cool. I can remember, or...? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," Well, I count three for and one against. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," Because you are sat here all night. You could leave, but you did not. Listen, Nora, these lies, it was the old me. But I swear I try to change.You... make me want to change. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," I will prove it. I'll show you how much I'm serious. I will not leave this restaurant as I have not got a second date with you. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," I do not laugh. It is a restaurant 24h/24. I will stay forever if necessary. And I will. Just water for me please. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," Ok, so the red bar indicates the level of attractiveness, blue, intellectual stimulation, green, emotional connection, yellow, compatibility aspirations of life, and purple, so she tried to pay or not. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," Well, it looks like Jessica wins in the first four categories. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," Do not fight in... " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Robin," Oh, that? It's nothing. It cost me three months' rent, and uh, I have never worn because I bought it for a big party to which you would have asked what did not happen. But, you know what? Do not feel guilty. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," What big event? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Robin," This thing with your uncle. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," His funeral? It fell into the water, he emerged miraculously from his coma. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Robin," And I forgive you. Now I can have my place and meet Lenny Kravitz? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," I've done it again! " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," Oh, dear. You're still drunk. I can not believe that I made the bet. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Just to be clear, ""I've done it again!""... Am not referring to my current state of inebriation. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," What does it therefore reference? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," My name is Marshall Eriksen. I'm 33 and if my potential future employer, Garrison Cootes, look at this... Prostrate to Biercules! " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," Well... it could be anyone... " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," Pete, it's Lily Aldrin. I'll be brief. You're going out this video of Marshall. You know why? Because I am friends with three girls with whom you came to school, and girls say it all together. Every small detail.Huh. So... tick, tick... Pete so goes the clock in the little dick. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," Pete has a small dick? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," I have no idea. Well, what do you take? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," It had to happen eventually. I tried so hard to suppress my... ""side-idiot-who-is-not-care-for nothing"" he rebelled and has struggled! " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Robin," It's for sure! " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Who do I crazy? I'm not ready to be a father. I thought I was, but it's like... My father never did such things, you know? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," But if he did, you would love all the same. And to be honest, you do not love to come across a video of him running down the street naked shouting, ""Hey, Marshall, look at me! I have a stalactite on the head! "" " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," Oh! Hi guys! Oh! My neck! Uh... oh! Hey! Look at this! " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Robin," Barney, what are you doing here? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Barney," Oh, I told Nora that I would not leave until I have no second appointment, and I intend to do. I am here since 9 o'clock. I still need another minute. Say I'm crazy, but I'll stay here as long as it will not be returned. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," That's what I want. Barney's feelings for Nora, I want to feel again. I do not want to choose between two girls. I want to be completely baba one of the two. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," Yes, the stupid thing that makes us turn the head, pretty cool. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," It's not bad. Also, for posterity, a statement drunk guy! I would not drink again. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Carpet Biercules! Yeah! " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Hello? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Yes, Mr Cootes. How are you? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Sir, the fact is that... " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," It's fantastic. Thank you, Mr Cootes. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Oh, there was a snake in the swamp? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," I got the job. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," Yes! " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," And I think my boss is already sexually harassing me. But he saw the video and he does not care! " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," Saw what? Maybe the video is not so bad after all. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Yes. Hello? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," Yes, no, I know. Pete, we drank together yesterday. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," You know what? Let her. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," You know what? That's good. I want my children to see every part of me. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," Yes. Even the side where you route the East Village naked. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Marshall," I will remember Pete. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Lily," It's a good idea. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Robin," Thanks for taking me. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," The pleasure is mine. And you know, you might find it interesting.Some of these guys represent the history of New York. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Robin," Yes, yes. Where is Lenny Kravitz? " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," Right there. Leonard Kravitz, world-renowned architect. This guy is a star. He will make his famous reading of 90 minutes on the beams. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Robin," Well, great. I'll go find one myself and hang myself. " 7x03 - Ducky Tie,Ted," Ok " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," It's my birthday! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," It's still my birthday! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Feliz cumpleanos, baby. The theme of this breakfast in bed is... ""Spanish Interlude."" How have we landed on the lyric rolling hills of northern Spain? Baby, it will be huge tonight. We five, dinner well dressed, and Ted brings your cognac cheesecake Pumpkin at Edgar. I'll go shopping super secret birthday. And I took him because I do not like the way he looks at you. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," A new camera! Thank you, Marshall. I love it! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Small bonus, I took pictures of me naked before packing. With a node. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," There was not a knot. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," On the other device. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Thank you. I will make great photos of our group with that. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," I want the perfect group sh*t. Marshall put yourself between Robin and Barney. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," Why? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," You know... Light, color, balance, aperture... " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," You say stuff pictures. Expect. You do not want it to look like a couple, right? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Of course. You will not last! The photo is forever. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," How dare you? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," It's so rude. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," It's true. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," Totally. It is a tightrope, but still. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Okay, I am perhaps a little bossy, but I want to remember it all. Like tonight. I imagine no better birthday being with my 4 best friends only. And Ted's here. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Happy Birthday! Here is Amanda. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," And Amanda... " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Ted, you had to bring a cheesecake, but you've brought two shopping bags and a girl who knows not. My name is Marshall. Welcome. Ted talks. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Amanda will make a cake for Lily. She is head. We met at the restaurant last week when I returned my soup. Fortunately, she has such beautiful hair it not bother me a bit to eat. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," I'm really happy you make me my cake. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," In honor of the 32nd anniversary of Lily, I expected a lot of great games, beginning with... ""Lil-ial Pursuit."" Who has the number 1? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Sure. Okay, this is Amanda begins. You have 32 seconds to answer a ton of questions. And... Here we go. Lily's favorite color? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," It's Robin. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," I think Ted whispered the word ""yellow"". It is equally untrue. This game is called... raising the cost of perfection. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Pretty. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Thank you. You wrote all that you love our queen of the day. And Lilypad, you must guess who wrote what. ""From his friends to his students, Lily that everyone in his life..."" " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Lily is a teacher. Hence the ""students"". " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," ""... feel loved. She makes the best cookies oatmeal raisin-, The Goonies knows by heart... "" " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Lily saw The Goonies just after his parents separated. After that, she had real problems of trust. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," ""And that's the strongest person I know. I can not imagine my life without her. I love you, Lily. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," Of course it was me. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Come here. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Too cute. Lily, guess who wrote it. ""You look really nice."" " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," I would say Amanda. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," No, it was me. And I meant it. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Tell me if you need help. Quick, group photo! All front of the fireplace. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Wait, I'll find Amanda. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," No problem, it is occupied. The bother, come on. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Wait... You do not want Amanda on the picture, right? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Well, you know, auto focus, speed of obstruction, zoom... " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Lily, what's the matter? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Who wants a party hat? I'm a bird! All do the bird! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Tell me the truth. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Of course not. I let another of your bitches spoil my memories. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Lily, what are you talking? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Ted, you always do that. You bring a girl knows that not all our evenings with us. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," That's not true. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Really? So, let us walk bitch Street Shuffle. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Or we could continue the descent on the Avenue Best Birthday. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," I Can Vote? Street bitch! Street bitch! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," My friends, I made a song for tonight. Follow me, the chorus is this: Merry, Merry Lily-anniversary... " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Christmas morning, there was 4. Our first Christmas together, just us five. Here's another nice little game. It's called, Appoints This Bitch. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," That's Pap Pa...... " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," False. You think the Santa Claus, because it was Christmas. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," Funny. Every year my mother took tea with her friend Easter Bell. Not so funny. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," I remember, this is Sarah. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Almost. This is Leilani. She had to come at Christmas because, you said, ""Folks, this may be good."" And this is not the only ""maybe good"". Eve 2007, Barney, Lily, Robin, Ted, Marshall and ""It's good"" Emily. The funeral of Uncle Cecil Robin, Marshall, Lily, Robin, Barney, Ted and... ""It proves that you selected the eyes closed"" Isabelle. My appendicitis, Robin, Marshall, Barney, Lily, Ted, and it... you've admitted, you just wanted to make. Compliance. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," You remember the yoga teacher that got you into my birthday? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," Thank you. You believe not just enter. Look! Look! Why not look at you! This is Slash from g*n N'Roses! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Group Photo! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," And we have had. We had a group photo with Slash on my birthday. Great, huh? Eh? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," It was there, we know the end. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," False! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," The funny for this photo. I plottait ass. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Oh? So do I. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," And me too. He has how many hands? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Normal if it is good guitarist. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Actually, sorry, man. I had you taken to Lily. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," Wait. Look at these pictures. Barney always has the same pose and all these years. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," Yes, at this point, I have never an old head on the photos. Neither ever or always. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," It's gotta be a lousy picture of you. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," Nope, not at all. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," And in elementary school? We all have school pictures ugly. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," Not the Barnacle. I always look awesome mortally. Not like Marshall, who seems to be ingeniously death. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," They are not all bad. Like... this. Look. I have my eyes open. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," You really put a knot! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," A crisp, Barney? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," Of course. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," I! A photo ugly. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," You sure? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," No! Wait! You ate a potato chips! Where's the chips? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," It's physically impossible for me to take a picture ugly. I know why. Ask God. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Lily, sorry for Amanda. But I'll say. You make your spoiled rotten. You in all your statements because you think I messed up two three photos? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," These girls have ruined so many things, or you forget Paris. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," This is what happened in Paris? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," In the first year of college, I studied in Paris, and I had not seen Marshall since 2 months. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," 2 months. And I just started making love. I was not ready to stop for 2 months. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," And Marshall came to me to spring break. And at the last minute, Ted decided to go with the girl he had just to get back, Karen. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," I'm so excited you're here. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," I'm so excited to remake love. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," But just before takeoff... " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Really? Because I think I want to tell you the same thing. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," And so began the longest 7:30 of Marshall's life. When I went to look for... " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," 2 months! My balls were blue! Blue! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," It will not surprise you, but the rest of the trip was horrible. I did a picture of a romantic kiss in front of the Eiffel Tower, I actually had. It was just between Karen and Francis, our server yesterday. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," It's terrible. My laptop is just... fell. You me collected? Mouse, f*ck! I! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," You sure? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," Wait. How you do that?! You were not even standing! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," The camera loves me. Much more than that. The device I want. The unit wants to put on underwear, put an Al Green CD, dim the lights and do all the work while I was still lying with closed eyes. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," I feel sorry for Paris and group photos ruined, but... when you're single, you must hope that every girl is good. I mean, Erin.Irene. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Emily. Isabelle. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," And Sarah. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Leilani! What's your problem? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," At the time, I thought each of these girls could be good, but I have to keep hoping. I have no choice. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Here is another. More random bitch to my birthday! Hey, baby! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," The drawer under the oven. I can not wait. You're the best! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," I'm sorry, Ted. I agree with Lily on this. This kind of evening is hard for someone new. That's why I have not brought Don. When I was in Japan, this guy, hot date for our third, took me to his brother's wedding. Now I, a complete stranger, am on the photo album of the marriage of a Japanese couple forever. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," You should listen to Robin. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Because Robin is your best friend. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Right. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Your best friend on Earth. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Absolutely. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Attention Lily. It's a trap. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Before being your best friend, what was she? That's it. One of my random sluts. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Yes, okay, Ted. This bitch has proved some nice, but except for bitches, not the rule of bitches. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," I'm starting to cry. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," It puts an end to all this conversation about the bitches.Back to the birthday song! Barney, your part is this: ""She's cute She's cute."" " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," I bring these girls to party because you are important. You are my family. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Yes. We are a family. So why these parties can not they be us? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Like the time we celebrated the success of Marshall to the bar. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Here's the disgusting smelly hippie with whom I go out. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," I did not say that! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," It's as if you had done. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Here's Framboise. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," You must order more food? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," No. Raspberry does not eat. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Let us raise our glasses. During the last 3 years, Marshall has worked so hard, and I am so proud of you. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," I confess. Raspberry was a mistake. But how would I know? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," If this is so important, Amanda is not in the picture. It does not spoil your birthday. Give him a chance. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Look. We're all friends again! Now working on the harmonies. Merry, Merry Lily-versary! Merry, Merry Lily-versary! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," ""Happy 42nd Birthday, Lori."" " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," ""42nd""? Does the f*cking b*mb appeared to have 42 years? Or worse, she has a mind to call Lori?! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," No, Marshall, it does not matter. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," If Lily is serious. Get out of this stranger in my house! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Out! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Amanda refuses to return. She thinks you hate it. Marshall, you have to go apologize. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," You've ruined Lily's birthday and you want me to apologize? At worst, you should apologize. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," What are you talking? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," You bring her girls at our parties, and it lets them believe that things are serious. After the largues when you, you know to whom they turn? Me. I was the cleaning crew of your girlfriends for years. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," I had just returned from a marathon to study the law library. Hi, Natalie, where is Ted? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," You know what? I have not slept for 36 hours. Just a few minutes. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," And at first I was totally sympathetic. But damn, Ted, over the years, you made me cynical. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," I'll get us something to eat, and we'll talk about it until it is clear. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Me too. Yeah. But you know, life goes darling. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Shut up. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Sorry that my search for love has you so upset. You know, your precious photos might be better if I was not over. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," They would be if Marshall was not on it. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Cheap sh*t. Low blow. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," You know what these pictures? A big lie. We ask. They are retouched. They are what you want but not the reality. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," This is not true! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Oh? Look at that one. Halloween, there is 2 years old. You had not played because you wanted to disguise yourself as a penguin. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," It's not that she would not, but she said that penguins are zero. Penguins. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," And yet you're there, smiling as if nothing was wrong, completely wrong. Robin's birthday, there is 3 years old. Robin had a cold, and you made him remove his pajamas for the photo. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," And you got me pinched cheeks very hard for them to be pink. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Yeah, but you were beautiful. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," And then we all ate chocolate cake in my bed. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Actually, it was a good evening. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," It's true. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Yeah, that was good. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Look at that one. This is the first picture of us three. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," It's true. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Do you remember what happened? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Wait, we take what poses? The two cops friends? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," No! Why not sitcom of the 80s with two roommates who never agree? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Hi, Marshall. Ready for the film? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Yeah. Just one second per cons. We are writing history. We'll take our first picture of roommate. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," And if you came to ask us? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Really? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Yeah. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," What are you doing, Ted? And if one breaks? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," And if you break it? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Come. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," I had totally forgotten that. Marshall and I were together for only a few weeks and you invited me in the photo. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," I liked you. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," We must bring back Amanda. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Really? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," You believed in me. It's my turn to believe in you. As far as I know, this is good. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Thank you, Lil. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," I think Lori's age made him very wise. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," It is said that it was after 40 years we know each other really. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Come on everybody, come here. Let's make a memory. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Marshall, try this. Keep your eyes closed until the last second and when I say, open them. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," It's a hole in your jacket? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," What? Where? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Now, Marshall! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," Shit! " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Names that bitch. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Ted," Ann has...? Anna? " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," No, it was my birthday. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Marshall," Your brain is too predictable associations. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Lily," Come on, everybody. Come here. Let's make a memory. " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Barney," Is there anything in the sauce that you've made? It tastes like... coriander. And... you know that cilantro makes me... " 5x18 - Say Cheese,Robin," Yes! " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," It's crazy that Metro News One sends you this letter now. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," Yes, I went for 4 months. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," You got more fans than I thought. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," And only 60% of them are prisoners. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," These guys think what? I am far from my phase ""dating a prisoner."" It's like: ""Hi, I am over 19 years."" " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," The daughter of the lottery is there. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," I'm sorry for these women. This is where careers go to die on TV. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," Look. It's funny. I invented a little game " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," Your age on arrival in New York after a photographer you have ""discovered"" to be published in Vogue. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," The number of nude photos that he has done before you realize he had no connection to Vogue. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," The age that you say you have. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," Your real age. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," The number of minutes for me to put in a taxi, get undressed and into my Jacuzzi. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," What happens after that is out of the jacuzzi. Great? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," Hi. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," How was the audition? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," I went very confident. I knew it was just me against two other girls. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," I listening. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," Hello. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," Robin Scherbatsky. And you are? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," I was a presenter here for Metro News One. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," Sorry? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," I always ended up with a simple ""all of us at Metro News One, have a great evening."" " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," Mine: ""From all of us in Barney's apartment, get out."" " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," You do not let these bitches destabilize you, right? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin,"... and the president's economic team hopes to have a proposal before Congress by the end of the month. All of us at News 10, have a great evening. So, good night, New York.And that the road ahead is illuminated in dreams and tomorrows. Which are lit with dreams... also. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," It's terrible. And bad... also. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," It's not over. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," Arise, New York. Trust. Recycle. Exit covered. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," Leave covered? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," I will not be a presenter at Channel 10, right? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," It just fell. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," The problem may be your CV. Have you seen like mine is ventilated? Yours is too busy. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," As if everything on your resume is so important?""Program Director, Radio Wesleyan University""? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," My God. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," Dr. X? You always talk to Dr. X? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," Who is Dr. X? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," No one knows. It was a mysterious and awesome DJ. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," It was Ted. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," His identity is still secret. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," It was Ted. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," But this phantom waves changed the face of the campus radio. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," It was Ted. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," The show was zero. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," You're the 3rd floor of the home student next to the playroom, dork. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," How do you receive mail if someone knows where you are, moron? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," If you think people liked your show, it's wrong... " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," Bizarre. Look at what is mixed with your fan mail. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," What? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," It comes from the Ministry of Immigration. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," The postmark date of two months. My God. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," What has he? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," My work permit. If I can not find a job in the coming...seven days, they will refer me to Canada. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," I can not believe you that turns the country. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," I know. My whole life is here. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," No. We will not let them. One of us will help you find. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," Yes, I'm sure I can find you something at school. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," No, guys... it does not work like that. Robin will have its license if it works in his field. You could stay if you got married to a U.S. citizen. Yes, it might work. No. The procedure to formalize it would take too much time. It will not work. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," I'm screwed. I send my demo for 3 months and nothing. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," Maybe there is something in it that people do not like.We'll watch it, OK? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," Good question, Norm. For the first, I was an intern for Channel 22 in Red Deer. Alberta. In Canada. The snow falls hard enough, but these intrepid fishermen are still happy to contribute to the gathering of bass fishing Lake Athabasca, a tradition of 1 August To you, Norm. What? It was my first job. It shows where I come from. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," Unless a bear attacks you in 3 seconds with your legs and you break his neck, it has nothing to do in your demo. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," No, no, I understand. Your origins are part of what you sell. Moreover, in 'Special jurisdiction' on my resume, I put that in Minnesota, I was dunk champion Nicollet County in 1995. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," You've put champion dunk in your CV? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," Yes, why not? Many companies have a basketball team. They like that TonnerreVanille can still crash into the net. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," We called you TonnerreVanille? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," Yeah, TonnerreVanille. The ghost of snowshoes.The gate man. I was not very good in defense. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," You can dunk more. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," Bine sure if. Finally, I could... until there is little. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," Until the injury. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," Wow, it's scary. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," Go! Iliopsoas tendinitis. This is the name. This is the only name. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," iliopsoas tendinitis. It's a basketball injury. Finally, nothing incredible. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," The dancer's hip, Marshall's ax dancer. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," OK, no. They call it like that because it is very common among ballet dancers. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," Tell me, other girls in your class have the dancer's hip? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," Sure. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," I have a technical question. Is it easier to dance when you do not have external genitalia? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," Well, go ahead, feel free to me. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," Come on, guys. It did not hurt while dancing. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," Thank you, Lily. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," Obviously, the stirrups were too far apart during his last visit to the gynecologist. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," Folks, sorry to stop you before Marshall falls into tears, but Robin, check it out. What you need is a super video resume. Like mine. I present to you: Barneysvideocv.com. Hello. Barney Stinson, you have achieved great successes in business, sport and personal relationships, and have been an inspiration to many people. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," Is that you? You INTERVIEWED yourself? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," How could that be me? He is an Englishman. What would you recommend to your many admirers who want to reach the peak of their potential? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," And a little Scottish. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," The first thing to know about success is that it will not come to you. Most people associate success with money and power, but in fact it is a mindset. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," You were supposed to be on a motorcycle to say that? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," And when it comes to success, the only limit is that there is no limit. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," You know you stand next to a horse. Impressive. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," Barney, I do not understand. You doing anything in these clips. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," Exactly. Because that's what the world wants to work.People who seem to take risks, but never do anything. In fact, you do things will turn. I write a book about this phenomenon. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," Really? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," No, it would be... You listen? All my life I have dared to go beyond the possible. Until the impossible? In fact, beyond that... where the possible and the impossible meet to become... the possimpossible. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," The possimpossible? Oh yeah? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," Inventing your own word shows creativity and vision...""Visia-ness."" If I can leave you with one thought, is this one: nothing... and all... is possimpossible. This guy is awesome. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," It's you again...? You sing a song about you? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," Absolutely not. It would be stupid. Stinson, Barney Stinson singing this song, it would be really stupid. One of the fans who think this guy is awesome. Perfect and available.Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great... Great, great. Barney Stinson, committed. This jewel has earned me 11 jobs. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," Impossible. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," Barney, it was ridiculous and foolish. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," insensate-ule. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," Make me one. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," What? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," Now, we talk about it. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," What? I will be deported. I would try anything. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," OK, we should get started. I have much to sh**t, I can not use the tapes I have of you. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," Bands on me? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," Let's start. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," Honey. You're always sorry for the joke of the dancer?They joked. We all know that this is a basketball injury. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," Yes, absolutely. I have something to say. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," What? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," I dance more than you think. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," What? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," I dance... more than you think. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," I do not know how to answer that. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," What does it mean to be a reporter for you? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," Since I was little... " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," Cut! You're mired in details. We need you to be vague, at ease with buzzwords like ""synergy"" and ""dynamism"". You can invent a word, as... ""Relationality."" " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," How does make me feel stupid commit somewhere? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," All right. Do not do it. There are many exciting stories to cover in Canada. I just read it, the nephew of the mayor of Winnipeg went fishing on the ice and took a pole of 7 Kg Live from the worst place in the world, I'm Robin Scherbatsky. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," Rotate the camera. Connectitude. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," I like it. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," Transformatation. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," Come on! " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," relationality. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," relationality, this is mine. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," How many dances are we talking about? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," I know. I think... I would say... average. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," Why do you dance much, and I do not know why? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," I do that when I'm alone. When something good happens, and I'm excited and move, and I... I dunno, I want to talk about it. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," You hurt the hip like that? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," Super! Thank you, Herm. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," These clothes are ridiculous. In addition, the armor of the amazon princess itch. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," Showdown. You're not the first to wear it here. But it expresses the power. And that, too. Now, I need you break these 15 bricks with your forehead. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," What? But you do anything in your video. You were right next to a horse and sitting on a motorcycle. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," I am a man. You're a woman. Assume that you can do nothing. You must prove that society is wrong. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," I can not break 15 bricks with my forehead. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," There is more in 1950. Yes, you can. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," I'm off. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," Why? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," It will not help me find a job. I'm going to evict. I know what to do. This is where the auditions for the daughter of lottery? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," And the lotto numbers for tonight are... " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," And the lotto numbers for tonight are... 17... " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," 17. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," Disillusioned? On the 17th? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," 17. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," I've taken a light beer. I know the dancers count calories. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," It's not funny. The doctor said if it gets worse, I should have surgery. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," As a vaginal rejuvenation? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," You know who has not made a lot of vaginas in college? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," Who? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," Dr. X. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," It was perfect! " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," You know what? The two geniuses are going to remove that crap on their CV. You're not Dr. X, and you can not do the dunk. Forget. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," Marshall and I are the only ones here with shit on our resume? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," What are you insinuating? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," I know! Does July 4, 1995 does remind you of anything? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," A species of bastard. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," What it's related to your job as mistress? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," It teaches kids... I can eat a lot of hot dogs very quickly. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," Yes, but you can not! " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," You can dunk over, hip cardboard! " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," How dare you? These hips can... " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," Guys! " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," I have not even been taken as the daughter of lottery. I must leave Canada. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," I think so. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," I remember the night before. They made me a farewell party. They gave me a camera to take pictures and send them home. Everyone was sure I will have much success. You will really miss. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," What's the matter? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," Robin must leave Canada. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," Oh, my God. It's horrible. It'll be along to commute. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," What do you mean? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," I've finished your video resume myself. I posted it to all channels of the city. A guy called from Channel 8. He adores you. He wants you to pass an audition. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," My God! " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," I said no. Robin Scherbatsky do not audition. He is given the job or anything. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," So, I have the job. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," No. He cursed me and hung up. But after Channel 12, called. They'll love it too. They offer you to host their new talk show in the morning. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," It's amazing! " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," I sent them shit. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," Dude! " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," They want you even more. So they increased their offer by 10%. Congratulations. Looks like you'll have to stay. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Lily," You're not going to dance? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," It's OK. Later. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," How did you do that? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Barney," I am the master of possimpossible. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Robin," Yes. Thank you. " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Marshall," That one is good. And... end! What is the total? " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," 33! " 4x14 - The Possimpible,Ted," Why nobody comes to my events? " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," Well, I received another. " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," What's there in the box? What there was in the boiiite?What there was in the boiiiiiite?! What there was in the boiiiiiiite?! Not bad eh? Nothing. I'm the idiot huh? What there was in the box? " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Since Lily and Marshall have their apartment, her mother keeps sending him old things she wants to get rid. " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," Well done 'man, right on target this time. I really needed the right arm of Himan, and this old book of Mad Libs.Pet went to fart to fart loud. This is good. Thank you 'man. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Hello? " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Yes. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," What? " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," The window is open. " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," What are you waiting for? Ted, run! " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Lily, the window is open. Fight your way, watercourse Ted, run! " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Hey, Maggie. I was just, you know, hmm... How are you? " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Oh, sorry for you. Wanna go out tonight? " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," Come on, tell me that happened to you on time? " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," I arrived! " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," What's happening? What is this window? " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," You see how everyone knows a person, and whatever happens, this person is perfect for you. " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," My cats. " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," Lily. " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," That girl over there. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Well this girl was and still is Maggie Wilks. " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," We went to college together, she's great. Everybody liked him. " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," Oh I know what we do here. Tell me when it stops. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," It was not the fact that Maggie was good. It was the... " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," It was the perfect girl next door. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," It was the perfect girl next door. And still is. All the guys who meet Maggie fall madly in love with her. And that's the problem. Since I know her, she has been single for only three short windows of time. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," When she moved here and broke up with her boyfriend in college, I waited one month, not to go for the spare wheel. And the spare wheel well, he stayed two years. After their breakup, I have waited a week. Late again. She stayed with guys for 3 years. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," The third time, I was super fast. I got not even one hour after their breakup. The only thing she has made between the break and I arrived, it's down to her mail. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Late again. And she went out with him four years. I would not let me have it again. So I begged her neighbor, Ms. Doglas, call me when she and David have broken loose. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," And now, a single and Maggie is available along the way to this bar right now. I made him take a taxi with a woman driver for there is no interaction with a man, so far. " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," Even when I arrived here, she still will not touch with a man. I feel good tonight, this evening will be well. " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," This is my overalls. I wore this little baby, during high school. " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," Hey, you were really a virgin before he met Lily. " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," It was not necessary. " 5x10 - The Window,Lily," She's right baby, if you had worn it in college, even I would not have slept with you. And if you remember, I wanted to. " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," No way, no one could sleep while wearing it. Challenge accepted. I, Barney Stinson, brilliant mind in an extraordinary body, this will overalls, and lie with a woman. " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," I went out with this guy. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Ok, game plan Maggie arrives, a few minutes of gathering and presentation, and everyone leaves us. This is my only chance, and I will not go wrong. " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," You do not give a lecture tonight? " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Damn! " 5x10 - The Window,Lily," Oh my God, good evening. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," I want you to Maggie Robin, my roommate. " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," Likewise. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," I completely forgot, I teach a class tonight. How would you like to come and see what happens during an architecture? " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Super. Sit down, put yourself at ease. Relaxed, everything is relaxed. Listen, you want me to find the perfect girl for you so all together, it's her. Do not let a guy to approach her. No server to take our order, clean the table, and if it ignites, I want a female firefighter to extinguish. " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," I think that emergencies are taking applications like that. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Marshall Good God, do what you need to keep single until my return. I pay the bill, but do not abuse. " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," Target secure? " 5x10 - The Window,Lily," Target secure. " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," Wow, weird, pulled out all the toilets at the same time. " 5x10 - The Window,Lily," Let's go to the table all together. " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," Look at that, our table. " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," Your challenge not interest me but you're cheating. Wear a suit under the overalls. " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," No. They are called not on the shirt, or on t-shirts for wholesale repairing the car and my mother spent some time with her top. They are called overalls, and I can relate to what I want. " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," Oh it does not tell you goodnight, he tells you how he feeds his horses. I could sit there and tell jokes Farmer on you all night. Challenge accepted. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Good evening, tonight we will quickly see the different bridges. There are 6 types of bridges, small, large, with suspension and three others. You land on each side and water in the middle. See you next week. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Who wants to hear me talk about bridges for 1 hour? Really? " 5x10 - The Window,Lily," I just remembered how Ted is awesome. " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," I offer you a drink? " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," It was a big tractor 3-axis. " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," What do I do? " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," One important thing to remember when designing a bridge. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," No. Finally yes. When you design a bridge remember: ""Make Adjustments... Fetch energetically"" Good advice in general too. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," No, I mean it's just that girl that interests me very long time.And tonight this is my chance to get away with it. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Yes Jamie, she is very pretty. We can now finish the course. Betty? " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Bluntly. I think. Perhaps. I dunno, you think what? " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," Oh my God, I had totally forgotten that. " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," A duty that day of my 15 years. Write a letter to your future you with a list of things you hope to do. ""Dear Future Me..."" " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," ""... you better drive a camaro or a super van. This is priority numero uno. And your ponytail should happen to you at the knees. You can always dunk course and change your name to ""Vanilla Thunder"". Your wife, girlfriend, 1m80, a great body and take care of yourself. "" " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," Sorry darling. " 5x10 - The Window,Lily," No problem, you just described your mother. " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," ""You still wear overalls faded because it looks torn.And more importantly, you better save the world, and if you became a poor guy then throw yourself off a cliff, because you suck. And I ""Licky boom boom down"". " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," Yes that's right, it's hilarious, I became a business poor guy. I work for GNB, the bank most unhealthy existence. " 5x10 - The Window,Lily," I remember in college, Maggie wanted to be a marine biologist by day and tutor children in difficulty at night. What you ended up doing? " 5x10 - The Window,Lily," Baby, where you going? " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," I have to do something at work, it will not be long. " 5x10 - The Window,Lily," Oh no, I think he'll resign. Sorry Maggie, I have to go stop him. Ted I had to leave the bar but it's good she is with Robin. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," You're left with Maggie Robin? " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," Relax, everything is under control. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," You do not understand, this girl is like a magnet to men... overkill. " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," I know a little something about loving to men... you see me as one of those magnets that can not put a picture of your children on the fridge. But I am one of these magnets... that can pick up cars in scrap yards...! Who is it? " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," Oh, well... hello you! " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," What does mean to be ready? I thought I was ready last year and I was left on the altar. I'll be honest. I'm scared! Ok, Luis and Betty! " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," I mean, if you're not afraid you do not try your luck... and if you do not try your luck then... What are you doing? Not? " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," Funny? I think it's hilarious. In fact, I liked so much that I think I'm pissed. " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," I'd love to! " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Ok, I gotta go! " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Hello? " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," Ted, change of plans! " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," You let him with Barney? " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," Ted, will you calm down? I'm your pal! " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," You're an animal! " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," And I know our relationship has suffered in this area, I assure you I'll be the perfect gentleman. " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," You have 10 minutes to get here, the window closes. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," 10 minutes? " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," Yeah, because we're friends! " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," Oh, it's not possible! I love pictures of dogs ironic. You got it there with the dog Welsh dwarf who is a missionary? " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," And if you took a glass of wine first? Oooh boy! I'm dirty, it's me! I'm just a dirty, dirty girl... that would defeat the second base with a friend of a friend.Tui love it! It's pig! " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," Oh my God, Maggie, Maggie, Maggie. Leave her alone!Lord, she goes out with Ted tonight. " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," They have broken. " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," It tells me nothing! " 5x10 - The Window,Lily," Hey baby! I thought you came here to resign... I forgot the basket. " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," Yeah, I thought so... so I got to do something on this list I will feel more so old so I... I came here to dunk. " 5x10 - The Window,Lily," Do it helped you feel better? " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," I just touches the bottom of the net. You know my legs are so bad that I have a hard time getting approved. " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," Really... " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," How could you? " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," I'm challenged to have sex with overalls. And if you stay on my path, then you let Barney win. And you do not want that!This place will never tell us the end of history. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Put yourself on the line Bob! " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," Yeah, I'll sleep with her. After, he'll tell her he loves her.And you can do... what you want. Is there agreement on the order? " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," I'm in love with her for 12 years! " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," I wear this jumpsuit since 1:30! " 5x10 - The Window,Lily," Maybe you can not dunk now. But you did more in 30 years that this 15 year old could have dreamed. You are a graduate of law. You had the good sense to cut you that stupid ponytail. And, you married this super b*mb that is unlike any points to your mother. This entitles you to 30 cm less to dunk. Go ahead Thunder vanilla! " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," remote! " 5x10 - The Window,Lily," Oh, Baby! And if instead of going to dunk on your desk... you allongeras and I'd put the banana oil everywhere? " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," Sure baby. Why we would not do that here? " 5x10 - The Window,Lily," Sure baby. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Guys, guys, guys! We must fix that. " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," Guys, let me assure you that if you let me... the window will reopen in about 10 minutes. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Wait, where is Maggie? " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," She's gone! " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," What? " 5x10 - The Window,Robin," I told him to return. You were like vultures... fighting for his carcass. Let her be single for once. " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Wait, she's right. Maggie deserves a little time for her.Nobody likes to be alone, especially after a break but... This is where we discover who we really are... and what you really want. She deserves it! " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Oh, sorry, the course we had a little... Who is it? " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Yeah, sure! " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," Well... I'll see you next time! " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," Well, I found! There are bars country, ""the giddy ups"", there are tons of guys in overalls. Copilot me! " 5x10 - The Window,Ted," I do not want the ""giddy ups."" That's what I want. I had forgotten how it felt to seeking the real thing... but I think I'm ready again. " 5x10 - The Window,Barney," Let me tell you where I am... I want to sleep with a girl in order to remove this jumpsuit. Go, go. You gotta help me, I have to remove this damn thing. " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," Dear Marshall 60 years... Now you would work in a place that contributes to a better world. Or at least you try. No pressure man! I mean, sir. So... If time travel is possible, could you give me a little sign? Tuesday, December 8 at 8:29 p.m..... " 5x10 - The Window,Lily," Someone sent these chicken wings because they were too hot. I do... too hot, you're crazy? So chicken wings free. " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall," Old Marshall, as long as you're married to Lily you'll be fine. " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall,"Waitress at the old Sir, it is for us. Sorry that the wings were so hot. " 5x10 - The Window,Marshall,"Old Oh dear, it's not that they were too hot. It's just that I've ever had before. Much earlier! " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Will you marry me? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"It's Ted! " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"What are you doing? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"What are you doing? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"Is your favorite brand of dental floss poisoning your entire family? Tune in at 11:00 for the shocking... Tooth. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"Okay, I officially hate my job. I'm not a reporter, I'm just someone who shows up at night and scares people. I'm the bogeyman with a teleprompter. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"""Bogeyman with a teleprompter."" That's hilarious! Great joke, Robin, great joke. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Barney, no offense to Robin, but that wasn't that funny. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Are you kidding? That was a great joke. It's smart, funny, beautiful, the whole package. It's everything you're afraid to let yourself want. In a joke. ""Bogeyman with a teleprompter."" Classic. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Okay, what is so urgent that you called me and begged me to come over at 7:22 in the morning? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"I could tell you knew something was up with me, and you're right. But I can't tell you what it is. I should tell you, but I can't! I have to. I never will! I'm going to. Let's just drop it. What's up with you? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Barney, just say it. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"I think I'm in love with Robin. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"Hey, Lily needs some gift ideas for Stella's wedding shower. Does she like to cook? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Actually, I don't know. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"What's her favorite color? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Don't know that either. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"Well, does she have any hobbies? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Yes. She's exactly the kind of person who would have hobbies. And interests, too. I am one lucky son of a bitch. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"Dude, you don't know anything about the woman you're marrying. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"What? You're crazy! I know plenty. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"What color are her eyes? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"The color of the ocean after a storm. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"Which is? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Beautiful. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"I don't believe it. I thought you called me over here to uncuff you from your sex swing again, but you're in love? That is so sweet! " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"It's not ""sweet."" It's like a disease. I slept with Robin one time and I caught feelings. I caught feelings bad. I used protection and everything. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Barney, you don't ""catch"" feelings, you just have them. And they're good. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"They're terrible! I can't eat, I can't sleep. She's all I think about. I close my eyes, I see Robin. I, I hear a song; it reminds me of Robin. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"I sleep with that chick, I'm thinking about Robin. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Okay, so I don't know every single detail about Stella. What's really about? Do you not like her or something? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"No, Ted, I like Stella a lot. She's a Mets fan. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Really? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"It's just that everything with you has moved so fast. You've only known each other a few months. Don't you think maybe you should slow things down a little bit? Get to know each other better? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"I'll have a whole life time to get to know her better. Right now, I know the one thing that I have tothat I love her. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"You love her? Barney, how can you be in love, and still be sleeping with anything that moves? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"I'm sorry, I don't follow you. That's like saying, ""How can an ant carry ""20 times its body weight, but root beer floats are still delicious?"" Are the two even related? Really? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Barney, you're going to have to stop screwing around if you want to be Robin's boyfriend. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"""Boyfriend""? I don't want to be Robin's boyfriend. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Well, what do you want, then? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"I don't know. I just want to be with her. All the time. I want to hear about her day and tell her about mine. I want to hold her hand and smell her hair. But I don't want to be her stupid boyfriend. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Barney, what you just described is a relationship between a boyfriend and a girlfriend. And a pretty clingy one at that. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Look, Lily, are you going to help me out with this or not? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"I'm a kindergarten teacher. I see a confused, little kid in the corner trying to eat the lefty scissors, I gotta help the poor, little bastard. But only if you stop sleeping around. Deal? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Deal. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"Coming up next, is your local ice cream man actually driving a roving meth lab on wheels? Stay tuned for the full... Scoop. Really? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Really? You know... My grandma taught me how. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Yeah. I had a lot of time after school to watch her cook because I wasn't good at sports. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Oh, you know, the usualbasil, garlic, olive oil, but can you guess my secret ingredient? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Yes. How did you know that? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"OK, let me think, what else? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"No, I clearly need to know more about you. Let's do firsts. First kiss? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"First time you had sex. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Stop it. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Prude. Molly McKenzie, junior year of high school. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Robin just needs to see this new see of you. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"So just call her up? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Just call her up. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"You left a voice, but it wasn't male. Barney, I don't get it. You've called a million girls a million times. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Yeah, but those were just booty calls. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Hey, baby, it's Barney. You busy tonight? Sweet. See you in half an hour? Can't wait. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Sweet. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"A question mark? You got laid off a question mark? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"It's no worse than your super-obvious code words. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Rhinoceros. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"We have to go. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Great. Now we need a new code word. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Ah, ah, it's her, it's Robin. What do I do? No-no-no-no, aah! Robin... Great to hear from you. To what do I owe the pleasure? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"You called, said..., and hung up. What do you want? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Just ask her something. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"How are you feeling today? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"Fine. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Something personal. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"At what age did you first get your period? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"Did you just ask me about about my period? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"No, I did not. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"Look, Barney, I'm at work right now. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Just ask her out. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Robin, I was wondering if... Nothing. Gotta go. Bye. That was just a practical joke. I'm not really in love with Robin. You should've seen the look on your face. There's cameras right there and there and there. What a legendary prank that we're never going to speak of again. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Gross. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"First movie you ever saw. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"My dad took me to an old drive-in to see the original Star Wars. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"She's never seen Star Wars?! Ted, the only people in the universe who haven't seen Star Wars are the characters, and that's 'cause they lived them. That's 'cause they lived theStar Wars. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"You've got to calm down. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"I told you. You didn't know this girl well enough. What if... you show it to her, she doesn't like it? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Dude, it's just a movie. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"Star Wars is your all-time favorite movie, and whether or not Stella likes it is actually important. It's like, it's a test of how compatible you guys are. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"It's just a movie. It's just a movie! " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"If Stella doesn't like this movie, I can't marry her. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"You can't. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"You want to watch it again? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"I do. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Where are the boys? I thought this was a group thing. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"I lied. They're not coming and I'm about to leave. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Why? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Because... they're not in love with Robin, and neither am I. I mean, she's great and sweet. I'm not going to pretend that I haven't noticed her body, but this is off topic. Good luck. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Wait, wait, I can't do this. She'll never take me seriously. She thinks I'm some womanizing idiot. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"We both know you're more than that. Show Robin the Barney I met the other day. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"You mean the insecure, touchy-feely she-male who sounded alarmingly close to Ted? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Ted hit that for over a year. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Wish me luck. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"I just thought it'd be fun to watch a movie tonight, and since you've never seen Star Wars, I figured why not? No big deal. It's pretty good. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"The movie's already started, so... " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Oh, my God. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"Off to a bad start. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"What are you doing down there? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"I'm making sure my best friend is marrying the right woman. That's what I'm doing. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"What are you doing, hiding behind the couch? You need to get a job. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"I really do, don't I? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"So, Robin... tell me about your day, and not just what happened, how you felt about what happened. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"What? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"I'm not looking to problem-solve, I'm just looking to listen. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"Why are you acting like this? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Like what? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"You're being super nice. It's... freaking me out. Be... gross, be inappropriate. Be Barney. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"I'm being Barney, and I think tonight's going to be de... wait for it... lightful. Delightful. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"Right. So I went to the chiropractor yesterday. That guy bent me over the table and pounded me for a good hour. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Is insurance going to cover that? Sometimes they don't. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"That's it? Today I was at the dentist. That guy drilled me all day long. He drilled me hard. He filled all of my cavities. Come on, man. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Your teeth look fantastic. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"Who are you? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Nothing. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"You look really beautiful tonight. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Great scene, great scene. Star Wars fun fact number seven... George Lucas based the film's structure on Akira Kurosawa's The Hidden Fortress. He also owes a debt to Campbell's work with comparative mythology. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Nothing. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"Should I leave, too? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"What part, what part? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Thanks. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"Nothing? Not even a glance? Even I was thinking about rocking a motorboat on those bad boys. What the hell is wrong with you? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"I don't always want to be that guy. Sometimes I want to be someone you can have an actual conversation with. Now, tell me something about you that I don't know yet. Seriously. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"There's a job opening at a new cable network that would be perfect for me... completely legit world news, interviews with people who matter... but I decided I'm not going to apply. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Why not? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"Because I'm a joke. I'm just the scary news lady from some stupid local news channel. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"We both know you're more than that. Promise me you'll apply. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"It's not as easy... " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Promise me you'll apply. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"I promise. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"She's up to the scene where Luke, Leia, Han and Chewy escape from the Death Star's trash compactor. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Great scene. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"Great scene! Okay, we should have just heard... but Stella didn't make a peep. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"I'm gonna take a look. She's not even watching. She's texting. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"I'll tell her you still want to be friends. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"I don't believe this. I believe, she knows this is important to me. She's blatantly... " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"To taking chances. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"To taking chances. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"You know, Robin, there's actually something, I do want to talk to you about. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Of course it is. One more for the road? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"Yeah, why not? Hold that thought? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"Yes! I am marrying a woman who is not only hot but loves Star Wars. That's the dream. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Ted,"I was high-fiving 15-Year-Old Me through the space-time continuum. We did it. We did it, you masturbating little bastard. Champagne for everybody. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"You hated it, didn't you? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"Wookiee. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"He's a Wookiee, and his kind is actually more intelligent than they appear. That is Ted's favorite movie of all time. He watches it when he's home sick with the flu. He watches it on rainy Sunday afternoons in the fall. He watches it on Christmas Eve. Ted watches Star Wars in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. Do you really think that you can pretend to like a movie that you actually hate for the rest of your life? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Marshall,"Then, Ted's a lucky guy. Bear. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"So, here's the deal. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"April, have... you met Barney? April just finished her shift, she's looking to blow off some steam. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Would you excuse us for one sec? What are you doing? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Robin,"You were so nice to me tonight, I wanted to return the favor, wingwoman-style. So, as I was saying, Barney is the Yankees' new second-baseman. And Barney, April asked if tomorrow, you could hit a goal for her during the baseball match. You can't make this stuff up. So, you two kids have fun. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Yeah, I'm nervous for the other team 'cause when I step up to that plate... I am not a New York Yankee. Any other night, I would probably try to convince you that I am, but I'm not. I'm just some guy who's in love with the girl that just left, and she's never going to feel the same way. So I'm just going to go. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"And that was it. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"I'm so sorry, Barney. You can't give up. You know, it may take some time, but once Robin sees the new you... " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"My name, and tell your nephews to bring their mitts. They're going to be in foul ball country. Come on. The Robin stuff was completely true. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"Damn it, Barney. I mean, for the last time, you can't... you can't be in love with Robin and still be sleeping with every bimbo on the planet. You have to choose right now. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"I choose bimbos. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"What? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Bimbos make me happy. Bimbos make me feel alive. Bimbos make me want to pretend to be a better man. This whole thing with Robin was just a fling, but at the end of the day, my heart belongs to bimbos. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"This is just a defense mechanism, because you're afraid of getting hurt. You're just confused. " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Barney,"Oh, I'm not confused. You know who is confused? Bimbos. They're easily confused. It's one of the thousand little things I love about them. I love their vacant, trusting stares, their sluggish, unencumbered minds, their unresolved daddy issues. I love them and they love me. Bimbos have always been there for me, through thick and thin. Mostly thin. B- man don't do thick crust. What up? " 4x01 - Do I Know You?,Lily,"See you, Barney. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"How about Mimi's? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Nah, I don't really feel like Mimi's. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Well, I'm hungry. Let's just pick a place and go. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Oh, you know where we should go? Cynthia's. You love that place, remember what a great time we had the last time we were there? " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"We did? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Yeah, yeah. We had that crazy waiter who kept going, ""You two should get married! You two should get married!"" " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Come on. Then we stepped outside. It was raining. It was so romantic? How can you not remember this? " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Because it wasn't me. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Oh, right! It was... my sister. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Oh, my God, Van Helsing is on. Remember when we went to see it? We sat in the back row. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"I've never seen Van Helsing. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted," " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"My boss just got back from Maui. He said it was really romantic. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Oh, it's so romantic. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"When were you in Maui? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"I... went... with my sister. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"With my sister. Why do you always say that? Look, we're not 16. We've both dated other people. It's silly to try to act like we didn't. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"You're right. We should just be honest. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Totally. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"See that girl over there? Three years ago, I totally made out with her. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"I don't want to hear that. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"What? You said... " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"God, that is so insensitive. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Remember honesty...? " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"You're a jerk! " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Well, you're...confusing. " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"Okay, so you have to have sex with one. Either classic mermaid; bottom half fish, top half human, or inverted mermaid, top half fish, bottom half human. Go! " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"I don't know. Is she fat? " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"Yeah, but it's a fish, so it's the good kind of fat. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"Hot off the presses! " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"I-I don't take flyers. " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"You took one two seconds before you walked in here. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"That's different. It was for a strip club. Two bucks off wings. How much is your flyer going to save me on wings? " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"Fine. It's a flyer from my play. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Oh, Lily, I'd love to, but we're not in college and I'm not trying to sleep with you. So anyway, this mermaid... " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"Hey, Lily's friend asked her to be in this play, and it's gonna be really good. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Lily, I love you, but we're too old for this. Asking someone to come see your play is like asking someone for a ride to the airport or to crash on your couch or to help you move. Call a cab, book a room, hire some movers and repeat after meFriends don't let friends come see their crappy play. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Okay, first of all, I've thought about it and top half fish. Second of all, we need you guys to decide something for us. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Yes, you should break up. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"So, earlier tonight... " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Mm, we should get down to the bar. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"I know we should, but you just look so sexy in my red sweatshirt. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Oh, God, why is this part of the story? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"We're getting to it. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Damn, my face is so dry. Is there any moisturizer around here? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Yeah, there's some in the bathroom. Got to moisturize! Got to keep that pretty face moist. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no! " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"What's wrong with her? " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"She hates that word. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"What word, ""moist""? " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"No! Seriously, stop! " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"So, anyway, Ted goes into the bathroom to get the moist... face lotion... " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Wow, this is great stuff. Now I know the secret to your great complexion. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"What are you talking about? It's yours. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"No, it's not. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Oh, well... then I guess it's Lily's. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"No, it's not. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Whose moisturizer is this, Ted? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Um, my sister's. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"So, in other words, some girl you went out with. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Um... I love you. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Disgusting. You let me put on the same moisturizer as one of your exes? " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"It was probably Carla's. Her face was a train wreck. " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"I'm don't think Ted was dating her for her face. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Thank you, Marshall. Thank you so much. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Why is that still in your apartment? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"I don't know. I just never threw it out. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Well, why not? Do you still have feelings for this girl? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Yeah. I'm madly in love with her, and the only way I can deal with it is by holding onto a three-dollar tube of lotion. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Not three dollars! Try 14. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Why is this such a big deal? " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Because I don't want to use some whore's moisturizer! " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Whoa, she wasn't a whore. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Well, she's leaving expensive lotions all over town. It sounds like a whore to me. What else do you have from old girlfriends just lying around? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Nothing. That's it. Well, except for the phone booth. And the lamp by the desk... and the... " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"No. No! No! Oh, Ted! " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"Ah, the age-old questionafter you break up with someone, what do you do with the stuff? " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Question? Ain't no question, girl. Obviously, he's got to get rid of it. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Which is obviously crazy and obviously, I'm not gonna do it. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"So we agreed that we would let you guys decide. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Yeah, like we did with Marshall's pants. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Ah, the 2005 landmark case of Lily v. The Joey Buttafuoco Pants. " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"Nice, right? " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"I'm gonna have to say no. I don't want some 16-year-old " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"Yes! " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"I vote they can stay. ""Check out the jackass in the parachute pants"" is a " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"Ted. Ted? Ted? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Sorry, buddy, it's a ""no"" for me, too. Oh, and by the way, Bel Biv Devoe called. Even they don't want those pants back. " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"They were insanely comfortable! They were like pajamas you could wear outside. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Marshall, it's over. We even gave you an appeal and they didn't look any better with combat boots. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"All right, well, let's hear the arguments. Ted, you go first. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Okay. The fact that I still have things from ex-girlfriends is no big deal. I mean, when I see the phone booth on the piano, I don't think of Jeannie Radford, I think of the good times I had backpacking through Europe. And when I see the lamp, I don't think of Allison Moses. I remember when I was broke, just out of college, and I really needed a lamp. And when I see that throw pillow, I don't think of Lauren Stein. I think of that weird orange-brown stain and how it got there. " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"Creamsicle and turkey gravy, not at the same time. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Well, that's adorable, but from now on, when I walk into the apartment, here is what I will see. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Really? You can't look at a pillow without seeing my ex-girlfriend-- a pillow! " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Yes, Ted, the fact that you still have that pillow is creepy and gross. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"You're creepy and gross. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Your mom's creepy and gross. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"Order! Order! I got to side with Robin. She's your girlfriend, and if the stuff upsets her, you got to get rid of it. " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"I've got to side with Ted. Just 'cause you still have something an ex girlfriend gave you doesn't mean you're holding onto her. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"All right, Barney. It all comes down to you. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"I side with Robin. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"What? " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Ted, your place is too cluttered. It's like you're living in a Bennigan's. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Or a Danby's. What, they don't have Danby's in the US? Really? Well, then were do you get Grizzly Paw ice cream sandwiches? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Just stop, sweetie. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Eight flights, of stairs. Who puts a theater up eight flights of stairs? What kind of building is this? " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"From the smell of it, I'm guessing a urine factory. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Where do you guys want to sit? " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"I know where I don't want to sit. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"I brought a bag in case anyone needs to puke. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Come on. It's not gonna be that bad. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"No? Okay. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"I am Rage... Envy! " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"I am outta here. " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"No, you're not. You have to stay. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"This is the face of Consumerism! " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"Oh, my God. Ted's part of the play. " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"Oh, baby, that was wonderful! " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Totally, I had no idea Greed was the k*ll. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"And when it became a play within a play, I was, like, ""Now we are really cookin'!"" " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Wow, Lily, that sucked! " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"Barney! " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"What? It was terrible. I mean, come on. You guys agree, right? Hey, sorry, I'm just being honest 'cause, you know, we're friends. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"No, friends make each other feel good. They build each other up and support them. That's what being a good friend is about. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Yeah, if you're a Smurf. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"You know if you did a play, I would sit through the whole thing and I would compliment you on it afterwards. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Oh, really? You would? " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"Yes. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Bad move, Aldrin, bad move. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Can you believe Barney said that about Lily's play? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"I know. He can be really insensitive. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"It was pretty bad, though. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Oh, my God, it was so bad. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Oh, my God, you've been robbed! " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Nope. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"All that stuff was from old girlfriends? Don't you buy anything for yourself? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"What can I say? Papa gets swag. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"You know, at first I was really bummed about getting rid of all my stuff. But seeing how happy it makes you - totally worth it. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Mm, that's kind of how I feel when I begrudgingly have sex with you when I'm really tired. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Exactly. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team. Well, sit. Sit, yeah. So you never keep anything your ex-boyfriends gave you? " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Nope. Well, except for my dogs. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"So I had to get rid of everything from my past relationships because you don't keep things from your past relationships except, uh, where are your five dogs from? Oh, that's rightyour past relationships. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"What's your point, Ted? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Well, you know how you said you come over to my apartment, and all you can see are my ex-girlfriends? " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"What, so when you look at my dogs, all you see is my ex-boyfriends? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"I do now. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"That's ridiculous. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"I thought you said you got rid of everything your ex-boyfriends gave you. Well, yeah, but not my dogs. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"You said everything. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"But not living things. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Well, tell that to the rare Bolivian cactus I threw away. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Things with a heartbeat can stay. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Enjoying this? " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Pickles, go get your ball. Go get your ball. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Just admit it. It was a little hypocritical of you to make me get rid of all my stuff. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Well, what do you want me to do, Ted? Get rid of my dogs? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Yes. Yes, I want you to get rid of your dogs. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Um, no. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Really? Well, I say we take it to the group, but I don't like your chances. " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"She's not getting rid of the dogs. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"What's the matter with you? " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Even I wouldn't do that. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Yes! " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"You can ask somebody to get rid of their iguana after it poops in your hair, but not their dog. " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"I miss Jebediah. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Oh, I almost forgot. Flyers for my new play. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"Very funny. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Oh, it's not a joke. It's my one-man show premiering tomorrow night. And even though it's terrible and excruciatingly long, I expect you all to be there since we're such good friends. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"Oh, we'll be there. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Unless, of course, you just want to admit that you were wrong... " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"Never. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Good. Okay, I gotta go rehearse. Oh, I almost forgot. Bring a poncho; the first three rows get wet. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"I'm sorry I didn't tell you where the dogs came from. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"I'm sorry I asked you to get rid of them. That was ridiculous. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"So we're-we're okay? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Yeah, we're great. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"I gotta go. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"Oh, he's really having trouble dealing with this, huh? " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Yeah, he really is. It's got me thinking, maybe I should get rid of my dogs. Might be time to send them to the farm. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"You're gonna k*ll your dogs?! " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"No! No, no, no, there really is a farm. My aunt has a farm upstate. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"Oh, thank God. Aw, you know, if I were five dogs, I'd rather live on a farm than in an apartment in Brooklyn. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Yeah. I could visit them on weekends. My aunt is awfully lonely up there. It's just her and her lover, Betty. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"Oh, that's perfect. They love dogs. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"""They""? What do you mean by ""they""? " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"Uh... uh.... uh... People upstate. Oh, look, it's starting. Shh! " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"Are you sure you're gonna be okay? I mean, you know that this is gonna be... " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"I know, but I'm gonna sit through the whole thing, and I'm gonna say something nice about it afterwards. You know why? Because that's what friends do. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Moist. Moist. Moist. Moist. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Moist. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"I have to go refill. I'll be back in a moment. Play's not over. " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,"I never get picked for audience participation. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Feelings. Inside. Oh, no! " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"Okay! Stop! You win. Fine. Barney, I'm sorry I made you come to my show. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Thank you, Lily. Is there anything you'd like to say about my show? " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"No. No, I have nothing nice to say about your show. You were right, Barney. Let's go to the bar. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Yes! I win! I love winning! Oh, Lily. Oh, Lily, Lily, Lily. I was just getting " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"Well, I imagine it was pretty awful, so let's go. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Pretty awful? Pretty awful?! It was a masterpiece of awful. It's genius how bad it is. I kind of wish you guys could see it. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"Yeah, well, anyway. " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"Act two is where I really hit my stride. Spoiler alertthe robot falls in love. " 2x16 - Stuff,Lily,"How about this, Barney? How about we stay and-and watch the rest of your show? " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"It's your funeral. Five, six, one, two. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Hey. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Where've you been? I called you earlier. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"I gave my dogs away to my aunt. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"You what? " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Yeah. Just for a few months as a test run, but... I think it's for the best. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Wow. Oh, man. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Can we go inside? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Uh, no. Uh, let's go to the bar. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"Why? What's going on inside? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Um, the floors are gone. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"What? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Yeah. I-I sent them out to get, um, fixed. This is a terrible lie. I'm just going to bail. " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"I didn't know you were getting rid of the dogs! " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"You said you threw all that stuff away! " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"We're really doing this? " 2x16 - Stuff,Ted,"Yeah. " 2x16 - Stuff,Robin,"We're moving in together! " 2x16 - Stuff,Barney,"The robot found love Confusing my circuitry My software's been hacked Toaster oven You're the one for me Two, three, four. " 2x16 - Stuff,Marshall,That's two. 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"Hey.What's with the blackboard? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"It's our NCAA bracket. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Marshall,"Big board equals big luck! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Hey, that looks familiar, where did you get it? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Marshall,"Hello. Uh, I'm looking for my wife, Ms.Aldrin. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Marshall,"Of course. How could I forget? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"Big board! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Marshall,"Big luck! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Marshall,"We found it. No big deal. Anyway, every year, Ted and I go in together on this big money pool out in Staten Island. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"Yeah. The winner gets $100,000 stuffed in a duffel bag. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Marshall,"And you get to keep the duffel bag. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Why do you guys put yourselves through this? You lose every year. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"That's because in the past, we were just guessing. This year, we watched every game, read box scores, tracked injuries. This isn't March Madness. This is March Meticulously Thought-outness. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Your team lost 20 minutes ago. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"I didn't know they were playing today. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"You okay, Barney? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Something strange is going on. I was down at the hardware store trying to get a little somethin' somethin'. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"Wait. You go to the hardware store to pick up girls? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"There are four kinds of women who go to the hardware store by themselves. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"Of course there are. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Single, recently single, recently divorced, lesbian who will let me watch. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"You could not be more evil. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Sorry. Five. Recently widowed. So, I'm talking to this girl... " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Look, I'm sure he's in a better place. Now let's find you a sturdier ladder. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"I was only gone for a second when... " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"See? Skid-proof. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"The same thing happened at the pet store yesterday. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Marshall,"Pet store? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"Single girl, mid-twenties, looking for a canine replacement for the boyfriend who just dumped her. Instead, finds Barney. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"God bless you, Ted. You're reading my blog. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"I'm really bored at work. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"I'd call your ex a dog, but that would be an insult to little Ladybug here. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Not without a chew toy from Uncle Barney first. And when I got back... I'm sorry,I'm already spoiling her but diamond in the rough... Could your heart just melt? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Weird, right? Yeah. The same thing happened last week at the museum. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Ooh, ooh, ooh! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Lily. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"You pretend to be a struggling young artist who needs a new muse. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"No. Marshall. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Marshall,"You're a millionaire art thief casing the joint for a thrill money can no longer give you! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Oh. No. Robin. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"You're going blind, and you're trying to soak up all the beauty in the world before the darkness descends. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Bingo! So, I was talking to this girl... " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"At this point, about 83%. Soon, these audio guides will be all that I have left. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"My God, you are beautiful. How about I get you a headset so you can see with your ears like I do? I couldn't have been gone more than 20 seconds, but when I came back... Hmm.You know, I also love the smell of great art. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Why does this keep happening? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Maybe you're not as good a liar as you think you are. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Oh, really? Then why am I not in prison for perjury? But I don't want to talk about work. Something weird is going on here. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Alan Alda. It was Alan Alda. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"You never gonna believe what just happened. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Who was that, um, guy from Mash? The main guy. What...? Hawkeye from Mash. How can I be blanking on this? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Alan Alda? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"No. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Oh, my God. Where is she? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"She must have left. She... " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Well, she-she said I hooked up with her? What was her name? What did she look like? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"She didn't say her name, but she had blonde hair, boobs. Kind of trashy. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Dead in the eyes with an aura of self-loathing and despair? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Yes! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"That's all of them. Okay. Stay calm. Let's think this through. One of the girls who I lied to, seduced and abandoned is trying to ruin my life. Shouldn't be too hard to figure out which one it is. Oh, dear God! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Some woman that I slept with and screwed over is trying to ruin my life. God, why is this happening to me? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"It's karma. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Nah, it's not Karma. She's stripping in Vegas. Plus, we're good. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"Look, if you want to figure out who it is, why don't you just start by checking your list? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"My list? Dude, do not pretend you're not the kind of guy who keeps a list of all the girls he's slept with. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Marshall,"I have one. It's called my marriage license. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"Come on, let's see the list. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Ted, don't be crass. I would never demean the women that I've slept with by putting their names on some tawdry list. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"This is a scrapbook of all of the women I've slept with. I made it at the Scrapbook Barn on 7th. Ask for Heloise. Tell her I sent you. What do you think, Lil? You recognize the saboteur? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"I don't know, Barney. I only saw her face. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"How many of these girls know they're being photographed? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"All of them, but only about half buy a copy on the way out. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Oh, Barney, you're never gonna figure out which one of these is the mystery woman. All of these women have a right to hate you. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"Oh, Lily, come on, lighten up. I mean, any girl who's gonna be with a guy like Barney and do this or that, or this and that, or do this with those in that... I mean, she should have known what she was getting into. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Absolutely. And what I do with these women should be between me and them. And you guys. And Heloise. She helped me do the decoupage. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"I don't know, Barney. I don't recognize any of these women. I mean, some minor celebrities, one government official, and what appears to be a national fast food chain mascot. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"This is impossible. There's too many girls. How the hell am I gonna narrow this down? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"The top 64 women I've slept with, split into four regions. This tournament will systematically narrow down which girl has the most cause to hate my guts. Last girl standing has to be the saboteur. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Absolutely not, Barney. We are not going to make a game out of the women you've tricked into sleeping with you. No way! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"The girl who thought he had 12 hours to live has way more cause to ruin his life than the girl he faked proposed to. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"It's fake proposal girl. I mean, she hired a wedding planner! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"It's 12 hours to live! That girl flew them both to Paris! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"Oh, she only bought him a one-way ticket! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Okay, okay, everybody! Hands. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"12 hours to live! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"Damn it! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Okay, toss up. ""Thought I was Jorge Posada,"" or ""You have my dead wife's kidney?"" " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"Kidney! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"Jorge Posada! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"She bought Yankees season tickets to watch him play! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"That's true... " 3x14 - The Bracket,Marshall,"It's ""Dead wife's kidney."" How are we even discussing this? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Fake baby! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Marshall,"Lost at sea! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"Fake baby! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Marshall,"Lost at sea! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"I was there. Trust me. It's fake baby. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Down to the sweet 16. And coming out of the Upper West Side, we have the number three seed, ""Girl who thought I owned Google,"" up against the number seven seed, ""Girl who thought I was a scuba instructor."" " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"You got to go scuba instructor. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"You're kidding me! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"She got the bends! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Yeah, she did. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Marshall,"Evil twin! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"Prince of Norway! How could it not be Prince of Norway?! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"Barney, you're the tiebreaker. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"I'm going with Evil Twin. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"You're kidding me! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Sorry, but I did sleep with that girl twice. As Barney and Larney. Okay, we're down to the Final Four. What do you think, people? Come on, dig deep. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"Oh! I can't decide. It could be any one of them. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Is that the blackboard from my classroom? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Come on! Marshall? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Marshall,"I'm tired and sad. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Mosby? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"I want to call my mom, just tell her I love her. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Okay. Then this is as far as we get. The Final Four. It's got to be Meg, Anna, Kate or Holly. We are gonna track these girls down, and you're going to tell me which one approached you at the bar. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"You guys stole my blackboard! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Okay, there's her building. When she comes out, I'm gonna hide, and once you figure out if she's the girl from the bar, we run like hell. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"No. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"What do you mean ""no""? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"That woman, like every woman in your Final Four, deserves an apology, and I'm not telling you if she's the one until hear you say, ""I'm sorry."" " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Are you nuts? That would involve me speaking to a woman I've already had sex with, which, frankly, is a little t like changing the oil in a rental car. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Barney, you're doing this. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Lily, this girl hates me. I hooked up with her in an apartment I was pretending was my own, told her I loved her, and then ditched her there. She got arrested for trespassing, bit a cop, and spent eight days in jail. Oh, crap, there she is! If she sees me, she's gonna k*ll me! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Okay, here's what we're gonna do. Hey, Meg! Over here! Look who it is! Yo old friend MegBarney! Barney? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"If she k*ll me, I want you to go into my apartment, grab the metal briefcase under my bed and throw it in the East River. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Look, Meg, we need to talk. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"And I forgive you. I love you. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"No! What's the matter with you? Get off of him! Look, she's not the one, but you still owe her an apol... " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"So you remember who this one is, right? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Yes. You told her you were Ted and that you were an architect. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Right, and if you recall, her computer had a web cam and a T-1 line, so I... " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Yeah, I know, Barney, you showed me. And that still doesn't count as a Christmas present. So go over there and apologize. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Ah, there she is. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Ooh and she's holding hot coffee. Maybe she'll throw it in your face. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"You're really enjoying this, aren't you? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"I'm making a scrapbook. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Anna, hi. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"What Web site? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"You're right, I do deserve that. That's all I came here to say. You know what? I don't care who knows about it. Excuse me. Excuse me. I, Ted Mosby, am a jerk to women. Tell your sisters. Tell your daughters to stay away! Ted-Mosby-Is-A-Jerk-dot-com. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Okay, which one is this again? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"She's... " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Is it her? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Smile. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"You look good. Have you lost weight? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"We're down to the number one seed. I knew it was Holly. It had to be Holly. Man, I was hoping it wasn't Holly. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"That is the worst thing you've ever done. That's the worst thing anyone has ever done. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"But in my defense, she was kind of annoying. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"She's gonna k*ll you. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Holly. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"So you're not mad at Barney? Don't you want an apology? An admission of guilt? Your truck back? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Well then, to the last Fourth of July weekend I'll spend getting eaten alive by mosquitoes. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"We ruined their lives. And the worst part of it is that you didn't apologize to any of those women. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"No, the worst part is that we still have no idea who my stalker is. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"Well, that's because you're going about this all wrong. I mean, why chase someone who's following you? All you need to do is go down to the bar, hit on someone, and wait until she turns up. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"That's not a bad idea. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"I'll pretend to be the girl that you're hitting on. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"I don't know. That's a lot riding on a girl who giggles when she lies. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"I do not. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"Have you ever fallen asleep while eating ribs? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"No. Look, I can do this, okay? I mean, how else are you going to find out who this girl is. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"I'm in. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"Okay, here's how it's gonna work. Now, Lily... " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,":...she knows what you look like, so just hang out at the jukebox, and don't draw any attention to yourself. And the guys will be in the booth, just pretending to have a normal conversation. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Talking, we should be talking. Words. Here are words. Why is this so hard? Laughter! " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"And then I'll come in, looking hot as all hell. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"I just, uh.... Shh, go away. But come back later. And then Barney will make his move. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Hey, there, how are you doing? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"Fine, Barney. I mean, um, fine, stranger. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Wow, you really are awful at this, aren't you? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"Get your hand off my thigh, Barney. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"It's supposed to look like we're about to hook up, Robin. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"You know I'm curious. What do you say to these girls to get them to come home with you? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Usually I just lean in and whisper this one thing in their ear. You're a little turned on right now, aren't you? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"No. Oh. Look, somebody's watching us. Make your move to the bathroom. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"Uh, I'm going to go to the bathroom now, but, uh, when I come back we'll go to my place and have sex. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"Dude, dude, dude, look. Blonde girl heading over to Robin right now. We are go. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Marshall,"I don't know what to do with my hands. What do I normally do with my hands? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"I don't recognize her. She's not on the Top 64. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Marshall,"Not even on bracket. Cinderella story comes out of nowhere to win the whole thing. That'll warm your heart. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Ted,"Are you okay? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"I don't even recognize her. I don't remember you. I've spent the last two days trying to remember every girl that I've slept with and all the horrible things that I have done to them. And I have done some horrible things. I mean, at one point, I'm pretty sure I sold a woman. I didn't speak the language, but I shook a guy's hand, he gave me the keys to a Mercedes, and I left her there. I'm the guy who keeps a scrapbook of all of the women I have slept with, but I never thought I was the guy who would sleep with a girl and not even remember her. So from the bottom of my heart, for whatever I did to you, I apologize. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Oh, Barney! Oh, I'm so proud of you. That's not her. I'm so sorry. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"What? What? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Robin,"Barney, I'm sorry, that's my friend Sally from work. We just ran into each other. " 3x14 - The Bracket,Barney,"So I apologized for nothing? " 3x14 - The Bracket,Lily,"Yes, but it was a great apology. And a perfect way to end my scrapbook. I'm going to call this photo ""Barney's Redemption."" Could you stop giving me the finger? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Okay. That man is terrifying. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Everything he said was nice, but I am profoundly scared. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Keep smiling. He can still see us. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"I figured it out! I know what's so creepy about The Captain. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"Okay. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Yeah. I snapped this photo of him last time he dropped off Zoey.Observe. The bottom half of his face... is smiling. He seems happy. Seems like a nice guy. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Captain, what do you think of rainy days? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Whoa, he hates them. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"Captain, quick questionHow do you feel about the Jonas Brothers? Ooh. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Ooh. What-What is that? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"I don't get it. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"He hates that he loves them. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Great. Okay. Hey, guys, Zoey just told me about this great Frank Lloyd Wright retrospective tonight. Who's in? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Sorry, I'm, uh, I... I- I don't know, washing my hair. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Running the water. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"Holding the towel. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"And I'll be home trying to get over the fact that no one invited meto the big hair washing party. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"All right, fine. Guess it'll just be me and Zoey. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Oh, wait. Just the two of you? Tread lightly, Mosby. Any time a single guy hangs out with a married woman, there are rules that must be followed. Rule number one... " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Don't use the husband's condoms. That's just rude. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Rule number onedon't go anywhere that has candles. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Excuse me, Captain, how do you feel about Ted and Zoey having an intimate chat by candlelight? It'll be the last dinner they ever have. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Rule number twoNo sharing food. In fact, anything involving saliva is off-limits. Toothbrushes, thermometers, lipstick. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Well, if I can't share her lipstick,there's really no pointin even going. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"And the most important rule of all... " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Lubricant is public property. (Robin groans) " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Please. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"No lying to the spouse about anything you do. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Why would anyone lie? Look, Zoey and I are just friends. If there was anything more than that, I wouldn't hang out with her. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Lily's right, Ted. Once you're married, it's very hard to be friends with a single person of the opposite sex. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"Yeah. Unless you're old friends, which is why I can hang out with Marshall whenever I want. Right, Marsh Madness? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"No doubt, Robo Cop. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"You two never hang out alone. You just made up those nicknames right now. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"I guess it's true. You and I never really hang out alone. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"Well, let's. Let's have dinner together, just the two of us. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Oh! Sweet. No candles. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Lily, I guess that leaves just you and me. Want to hang? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Nah. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"You're a big... stupid octopus head! " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Well, Lily, you were right. Something weird happened with Zoey last night. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Friends. Plural. Like-Like there was more than one of me. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Ew! Ew! She lied to her husband? Uh-oh. So, what did you do? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Uh, Zoey, um, did you just say you were out with friends? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"It's totally okay. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"It's not okay! I didn't really think it was okay! Pur-leez! You lie to your husband all the time. ""Uh, uh, that shirt looks great on you""""I love your mom""""I never fantasize about Barney when we're doing it"""" Sound familiar, Pinocchio? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"What's wrong with this shirt? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Lily, ruling. Do I have to stop hanging out with Zoey? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"No, you just need to spend time with her and The Captain together. If you're friends with the both of them, then there's not a problem. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Actually, I do have a standing invitation from The Captain to go for a ride with them on his boat. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Great. So go make nice with Captain Creepy, and problem solved. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"December chill... so great. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Totally. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Did you catch the game last night? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"Yeah. Nail-biter. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"You know what's fun? Is cold weather sports. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"They are fun. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"Man, this is awkward. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"She's giving me nothing! He's just staring at me! She's just staring at me! It's making me nervous. Great, now my left eye is twitching. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"Marshall, it's cool. She doesn't see it. What the hell's going on with his eye? Am I supposed to not talk about that? Great, now my right eye is doing it. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Lots of drinks. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"Oh, so many drinks. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Barney. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Save it, Lily. I am still mad at you for... something, and for that other thing. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Look, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. But let's be honest. You've been super sensitive lately. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Watch out! " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Watch out! " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Oh! Wow. Thanks, Lily. You saved me. You saved us. Look, I know you didn't mean whatever it was you said that made me so mad. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"I think I probably didn't. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Wait. I still can't resist getting one last sh*t in. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Hi, Captain. The Captain. Captain. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Ah, you, too. Uh, where's Zoey? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Or we could stay on dry land, hang out with some... witnesses. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"You know, I had this really boring poetry class in college. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"You were just thinking that this dinner is really boring. That's what made you think of your boring class in college. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"What?! What? No! No! No, no, no. Marshall, no. No. I... I just saw that board of specials, and I thought, you know what sucks? Being bored. Which I am not. So that clears that... right up. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Robin, I'm an attorney. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"Fine. This night's a little awkward. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"I guess it's 'cause we never hang out alone together. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"Why is that? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"It's 'cause of The Mermaid Theory. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Two years ago, I had just hired a new assistant at GNB. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"So, who's the eye broccoli? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Okay, that's Iris, my new assistant. And yes, she's a little plain, but I'm married, so that's good. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Mark my words, Marshall. Someday you will find Iris so excruciatingly attractive, you won't be able to look her directly in the boobs. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"I don't think that's gonna be a problem. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Marshall, do you know how the myth of mermaids came to be? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"I'm sorry. Myth? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"It was 300 years ago. Sailors stuck at sea would get desperate for female companionship. It got so bad that, eventually, the manatees out in the water started to look like... beautiful women. Mermaids. Let's go get some tail! Oh. You see, every woman, no matter how initially repugnant, has a mermaid clock... the time it takes for you to realize you want to bone her. Sure, today you see Iris as a manatee. But she ain't gonna stay that way. Marshall, your secretary's mermaid clock starts right now. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"And it took one year, three months, and 16 days, but eventually... " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"D'oh! Told you. The Mermaid Theory. It's a thing. You owe me 500 bucks. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Did we bet on this? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Let's say yes. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"And that's why we never hang out alone? Yes. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"As Lily's best friend, you are the last person on the planet o's allowed to turn into a mermaid. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"Wait, does that mean that I'm a manatee right now? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Big-time manatee. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"What were those sailors thinking? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Huh. I don't know. Being out at sea can do crazy things to a man. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"He's gonna k*ll me. Okay, calm down, Teddy. He's not jealous. He hasn't even mentioned Zoey. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Seriously? I step away for five seconds, and you eat all my onion rings? No surprise there. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"What's that supposed to mean? Are you calling me fat? If there is one thing you never do, it is call a woman fat right to her face! " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Want to hang? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Nah. Watch out! " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Wow... thanks, Barney. You saved me. You saved us. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"If there's one thing you never do, it's call a woman fat right to her face! " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Oh, Lily, I'm sorry. Hey, you want to see a magic trick? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"You're a jerk. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Just gonna make a quick call. Hey, silly question. What are our exact nautical coordinates? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Head? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Well, I got a big morning, so... Dry cleaners, bank, you know, so... " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted," " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"you're afraid that if you spend too much time alone with me, I'll turn into a mermaid? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Yes. I mean, sure, right now, you're bald and leathery ancovered in a thick layer of blubber... " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"Am I blushing or...? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,":...but at some point, my stupid male brain will transform you into a foxy fish-babe singin' ""Part of Your World"" to my pants. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"Okay, even if that happens, is there any way to un-mermaid me? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"I asked Barney the same thing. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Once mermaid-ified, there's only one way a woman can go back to being unattractive again, but it's pretty gruesome. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Death? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Worse. Pregnancy. If a baby's on board that train, it is headed straight back to Manatee City... where the grass ain't green and the girls ain't pretty. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"Pregnancy? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Mm-hmm. Once a mermaid gets pregnant, she becomes a manatee again. Never thought I'd say that sentence. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Well, Lily, I guess it's just you and me. You wanna hang? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"High heels chafe my shoulders. But you don't have to worry about that anymore. Ever since you got pregnant, you're just a big fat manatee. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Well, you're a big... stupid octopus face! " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Wow. Thanks, Barney. You saved me. You saved us. If there's one thing you never do, it's call a woman ""fat"" right to her face! " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"I'm sorry, Lily. Hey, you want to see a magic trick? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Oh... You're a jerk. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Hey. Hey, wait. Come on. I was kid... Wait, wait, wait! There's another addendum to The Mermaid Theory. A pregnant woman who's become a manatee can become a mermaid again through one simple act. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,":What's that? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Breast-feeding. Hot. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"Really? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Barney,"Really. When those things swell up to three times their normal size... so do I. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Lily,"That's so sweet! " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Okay, now we're even! " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Well... ish. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"See? It's stuff like that. Why-why do you talk that way? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"We can. We can be buddies. Just not on a boat. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,", " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"Yeah, me, too. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"No... No, no! No! No, don't turn! " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Robin,"Uh-oh. I don't feel so good. (She vomits) Oh, my God! Oh, my God, I am, I am so sorry! Oh! You must think I'm totally disgusting. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Marshall,"I really do. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Hey. You feeling better? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"You weren't? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"I get it. And you were right. He's a nice guy. I mean, he can be a little scary. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"Yeah, he's a creepy dude. But I like him. And I just want to make sure you and I hanging out doesn't, you know, cross any lines. " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"I mean, if either one of us had even the slightest hint of feelings for the other, we shouldn't hang out. You don't, do you? " 6x11 - The Mermaid Theory,Ted,"No. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"No, I just thought it would be cool to get a caterpillar tattoo, and then a few weeks went by, and all of a sudden... " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Well, I think you'll find I have a very high tolerance for pain. Just last night, I sat through the worst movie ever made. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"No, the worst movie... ManosHands of Fate. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Uh-huh. I don't believe you, Doctor. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Hey. Hey, put that away. Tonight's on me. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Come on, I insist. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Oh, wow. Oh, yay. Wow, thank you. One, two, three, four. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Is something wrong? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"No, it's just, um... I'm just a little embarrassed. I thought this was a date. But it's no big deal. Don't worry about it. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"She's not allowed to date... " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Yeah, I got it. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Yeah, yeah. Hey, you were right. Worst movie-going experience ever. Of course, it had nothing to do with the movie. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"No, it's fine. I got to hang out with you on girls' night out. All right, so if you're not allowed to date a patient, I'll just... I'll wait until these ten session are up and then I'll ask you out then. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Really? I'm getting mixed signals from you. I feel like you've been staring at my ass for quite some time. What, you're married? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Boyfriend? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Lesbian? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Only date black guys? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"And yet you can say with absolute confidence that ten weeks from now, if I ask you out on a date, your answer will be... " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Robin,"No... Hmm. What could she mean when she says 'no'? I don't know, it is totally cryptic. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"This is far from over. We're talking ten weeks from now. Who knows what she'll want then? Do you know what you're going to want for lunch ten weeks from now? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Marshall,"Sloppy Joe, shrimp cocktail and a milk shake. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Ted, do you know how long it takes a woman to decide whether or not she's going to sleep with a guy? 8.3 seconds. After that, her decision is made. She will not change her mind. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"That's ridiculous. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Is it? Describe your first 8.3 seconds with Stella. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"So we got off to a rocky start. That may be a problem for some guys, but I get better over time. Right? I'm not some Top 40 song... easily digestible. I'm complex. I require time and multiple listens. I'm 'Stairway to Heaven'. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Robin,"Wow, Roger Daltrey just rolled over in his grave. That's not the right guy, is it? He's not even dead, is he? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Lily,"I think that's great, Ted. You can do whatever you set your mind to. In fact, you've inspired me. I'm going to stop biting my nails. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Marshall,"But, baby, you love biting your nails. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Lily,"I know, but I'm doing this for Ted. Hmm. God, this is really hard. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Give me ten sessions, I'm going to turn that ""no"" into a ""yes."" " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Really, Ted? You think so? Well, tell me, how did the rest of that session go? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Yeah, well, I can handle pain. This one time I was playing tennis, and... " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Here's to nine more great sessions. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Still no. What's up with that? I mean, I juggled. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"You juggled? I thought you were trying to impress her. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"You do magic. How is juggling any lamer than magic? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Magic's not lame. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"I don't get it. I mean... " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Is this lame? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Robin,"Oh, Barney, no, no. We said no fireballs at the table. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Marshall,"What the hell is wrong with you? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Robin,"There's alcohol in here. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Lily,"Barney... " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"I... " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Lily,"We've talked about this. It's a fire code violation. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Yeah, but Ted provoked me. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Lily,"No, no, you are on a time-out. Go sit over there. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"But... " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Lily,"Go! " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Anyway... I don't get it. She should be into me by now. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Lily,"You know, you can do this, Ted. I said that I would stop biting my nails, and kablam-ey. It's just a challenge. It can't be easy to woo someone while you're sticking your naked butt in their face. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Marshall,"Works for baboons. It's called ""presenting."" " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"I got four sessions left. Ther-There's got to be an angle I'm not seeing. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"You can't turn a ""no"" into a ""yes,"" Ted. Can't be done. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Robin,"I don't know, Barney. I mean, sometimes persistence pays off. I said ""yes"" eventually. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"No, you didn't. You were like, ""No, we can't, we're friends. It would mess up the dynamic of the group."" " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Robin,"To Ted. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Oh, right. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Wait a second. Wait a second, I got the angle. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"The receptionist. That's my way in. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"I like this. Seduce the receptionist. That's a great plan. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"That's not the plan. And how would that help me with Stella? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Who? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Here's the plan. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Hi. Here. I stopped... " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"What? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"And now... we wait. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Break it. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Abby is...? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Oh, Abby. I thought you said ""Alan."" " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Right. Right, I thought I said ""Alan."" " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Who's Abby? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Exactly. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"What is happening? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Lily,"Ted. You just got to be yourself, no more gimmicks. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"You're right, no more gimmicks. One more gimmick. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"You know what's on her shelf? That self-help book 'The Power of Me'. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"I know, I know, but I thought if I read it, maybe we'd have something new to talk about. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Marshall,"It's actually a great book. It taught me the power of complete memory. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Can I borrow your copy? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Marshall,"I left it somewhere... I forget. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Hi. Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Telepathically? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"It's crazy. Yeah, I understand. I was just, uh, checking out the old bookshelf here. I see you've read 'The Power of Me'. It's funny... " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Oh, thank God. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"What? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"What? No, that's... that's not mine. I've never seen that before in my life. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Wha... no, you have me confused with someone else. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Robin,"Ted, I hate to say this, but I think it's ""nail the receptionist"" time. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"I'm not gonna nail the receptionist. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Ted, every little boy wants to grow up to nail the doctor or the lawyer. Somebody's gotta nail the receptionist. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"No. I like Stella. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, Ted. Your little Stella is not so perfect. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"What do you mean? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"I went down there and checked her out for myself. Yeah. And while I was down there, I discovered that she had a secret, a terrible... terrible secret. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"What? What is it? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Hold on, I gotta pee. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"What's the big secret?! " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Oh. Oh, right. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Hi, I'd like to see Dr. Zinman, please. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Oh, I just want to see her. Want to look at her, see what she looks like. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"I'm sorry, did I accidentally oprima numero dos when I called? Do you speak English? I want to see her! " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"What are your credentials?! " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"I want to know who am I speaking with! " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"At first she seemed great, beautiful, smart, way out of your league. But then, I overheard this conversation. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Folliculaphilia? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Folliculaphilia. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"What is that? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Ted, your perfect woman can only be attracted to men with moustaches. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. That's not real. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"You're right, Ted. I'm just making that up. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"I know that you are because there's no such thing. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Robin,"I got it a little bit. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Hi. Uh, Ted Mosby for Dr. Zinman. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Why? Just why? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Y-you don't remember? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"I'll bet anyone ten bucks I can get Ted to grow a moustache. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Uh... okay. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"You sabotaged my next to last chance with Stella for ten dollars? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"I know. I would've done it for free. But, no. You owe me ten bucks. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"This is awful. My-my tenth session is next week. I'm gonna ask her out, and she's gonna say the most demoralizing syllable in the English language... no. You know what? Just forget it. I'm not even gonna ask her. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Lily,"No, you have to. She likes you. She said so herself. ( " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Oh, my God, you went and saw her, too. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Lily,"I swear to you, I did not. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Marshall,"My wife's always getting on me about my dry elbows. So good to be in a relationship. Anyone special in your life? Or maybe just someone you're interested in? Interes-ted in? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Marshall,"Irregular? Oh, my God. This is it. It's all over. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Marshall,"Can you stop talking about your other patients?! I'm dying here, woman! " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Marshall,"Okay. Hey, what was it you were saying before about the guy with the butterfly tattoo? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Marshall,"Oh. Okay. Thank you. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"No. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Marshall,"Yes. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"She said ""crush""? And she was talking about me? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Stella...now that I'm no longer your patient, would you like to have dinner with me? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Oh, no. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"I am gonna k*ll Marshall. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Oh, my God, this is worse than the laser. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"What? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"There it is... she's a mom. It's just not gonna happen. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Marshall,"Sorry, dude. Have a shrimp. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"I'm good. I guess I got no one but myself to blame. She told me right from the start she was gonna say no and sure enough... Wait a minute. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"You didn't actually say no. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"All this time you were, uh, you were supposed to say no, but you didn't... I checked the transcript. So, here's what I'm proposing. Uh... You only have two minutes, right? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Okay. You want to, uh... go on a a two-minute date with me? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Great. And... go. Taxi! " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"I know. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"380 West 22nd, please. And step on it. We're in a hurry. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Right this way. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"So, college? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Uh-huh. Wesleyan. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"No. Scott Crable? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Thanks. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Could we get the check please. We're trying to make a movie in 15 seconds. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Okay, great. Uh, how do you want to do this? You had the eggplant parm. I only really had water so... I'm kidding. Oh. Okay. Let's go. Taxi! You nervous? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"You can't tell at all. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"384 West 22nd. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Nah, previews. We'll be fine. Ah! Just in time. It hasn't started yet. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"ManosHands of Fate. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Only the important parts. Worst movie ever. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"How we doing on time? Taxi! " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Okay. Do you want to walk it? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"So what grade's your daughter in? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Ah! That's a good year. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"What? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Oh. Look, coffee and dessert? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"I know. New York. It's a living organism, an ever-changing tapestry. Ooh, look at the time. Let's go. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Flowers? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Okay. See? We're getting to know each other. Stella, I had a lovely... Doggy bag? Stella, I had a lovely time. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"And... date. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"That wasn't so bad, right? No lengthy, awkward silences. Dessert ran a little long, so... I had to cut the good-night kiss. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Look, I would love to have a second date, I would. But I understand that you really don't have time right now, but if you ever do, will you give me a call? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"Okay. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Ted,"No, no, no, no! " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Wow. This Ted guy sounds like a real jerk. You know your problem? You're too sweet. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"Oh, yeah. Turns out it's just a Raisinet. Hey, how would you like me to take you out to a fancy restaurant and then go on a shopping spree? Treat you the way you should be treated. Would that make you forget about that Ted monster? " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"We just have to go by my hotel room first. My bed was broken. I just have to make sure they fixed it. " 3x13 - Ten Sessions,Barney,"I like you. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"Does it make you kind of sad that we don't share the same last name? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"You know, in a totally evolved 21st-century kind of way yeah, a little. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"You know what we should do? We should come up with a whole new last name. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"Oh, that's easy-- Lily and Marshall Skywalker. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"Lily and Marshall Hasselhoff. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"I got it. You ready? You ready? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"Yeah. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"Lily and Marshall Awesome. Have you met the Awesomes? Marshall, Lily, their son, Totally and their daughter, Freakin'? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"I love you, Mr. Awesome. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"I love you, Mrs. Awesome. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"So... " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"So... " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Wedding's over. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Yes, it is. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"I guess starting tomorrow, we can tell people. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Tell people what? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Hi, Barney. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Tell people what? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"The food looks delicious, doesn't it? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Tell people what? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Nothing. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Oh, okay. Tell people what? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Can we talk about this later? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Absolutely. Tell people what? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Hi. Have you met Barney? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Hey. Barney Stinson. Lovely dress. I know, I'm sick of these things, too. It's like the same wedding over and over again. You're totally right. You want to dance? Great, see you out there. Tell people what? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Look, this is just not something we want to talk about right now, okay, Barney? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Okay. ( " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Whoo, that was a close one. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Think he'll actually let it go? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Can I get a water please? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Tell people what? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Oh, God! Okay. Look, we have some... news. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"But we don't want to draw attention away from Lily and Marshall's big day. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"So just forget about it until they leave for the honeymoon. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Fine. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"It's pretty big, though. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Oh, my God, just tell me! " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"Oh, help us. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"What's wrong? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"We're starving. We planned this amazing meal with the caterers, and we haven't had a bite of it. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"Every time we get near the food, we get cocktail weiner blocked. We haven't eaten all day. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"All right, let's run some interference. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Yeah, we'll get you back to your table. Come on. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"Thanks, Grammie, but we really need to... " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"And you look like a pepper-crusted rack of lamb with mint jelly. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"All right, let's get these two back to their table. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Conga line. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"Oh, yes, definitely. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"How about a slide show of you guys through the years set to Green Day's ""Time of Your Life"" and ending with your baby photos side by side. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"Oh, that's great. Going on the list. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"What list? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"Horrible wedding clichées we're not going to touch with a ten-foot limbo pole. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Oh, like First Corinthians? That Bible verse? They do that at every wedding. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"How's it go? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"""Love is patient and kind. ""Love does not envy or boast. ""It is not arrogant or rude. ""Love does not insist on it's own way. ""It is not irritable or resentful. ""Love bears all things, ""believes all things, ""hopes all things... ""endures all things."" " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Lame. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"Going on the list. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"We've done it. A wedding with zero clichées. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Wait, isn't doing it in the reception hall bathroom kind of a clichée? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"Well, okay, one clichée. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"Well, technically two. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"No! They cleared our plates again! " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"Pepper-crusted rack of lamb, where did you go? It's my wedding night. I was supposed to have my way with you. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"Well, you still have me. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"Yeah... " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Anyway, guys, we're kind of in the middle of something, so if you could go bicker or share a tense, sexless silence or whatever married people do somewhere else, that'd be great. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"No, Barney, this is my wedding, and I will sit wherever I damn well... " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Are those mini quiches? ( " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Okay, uh... it was our anniversary, so we went to this restaurant Carmichael's, which is where we went on our first date. Remember, the place where I stole the blue French horn for Robin? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Oh, right, that was you. I knew that was somebody I knew. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"What? Dude, you were there. That was like a big iconic moment in all of our lives. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Maybe in your life-- I got a lot of stuff going on. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Okay, so we're sitting there and the waiter comes over... " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Um, we didn't order champagne. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Wow. Thanks. Cheers. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"Mini quiche. You're a mega-douche. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Oh, that's right, they moved that table back toward the kitchen, because that's where they're setting up a surprise chocolate fountain. Oh, no, I gave it away.( " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Right. So the waiter comes up with two glasses of Dom. He says, ""Champagne?"" ""We didn't order any champagne."" ""Compliments of the house."" ""Wow."" " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"You said that already! " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Is an engagement ring. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Don't get married. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"An engagement ring?No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Ted, you cannot do " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"That's what she said. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"No, no, no, no, no. Ted, you cannot do this to me. No. No, no, no. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"What are you talking about? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"This. This is what I'm talking about. What is this doing in my champagne? Oh, God, listen... I just got to get out of here. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"That's not mine. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"What? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"That's not mine. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Then whose is it? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Wow. That was hilarious. I was like... what? Anyway. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"What the hell was that? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"What the hell was what? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"That reaction? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"I thought you were proposing to me. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Really? Because it sounded like you thought I was trying to set you on fire. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Ted, you know how I feel about marriage. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Now more than ever. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"I'm sorry, were you planning on proposing tonight? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"No. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Then why is this an issue? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Because even though you don't want to get married, I'd like to think the fact that we've been together for a year, and that we love each other might get me a gentler reaction than, ""No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. ""Ted, you cannot do this to me. ""No. No, no, no."" " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Okay, you're right, I just... freaked out. I don't know why. I'm sorry. Can we please just let it go? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"No. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"Hey, Stinson. Never lie to a man about a chocolate fountain. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"So did you guys find anything to eat? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"I had four strawberries. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Was there a side of champagne with each of the strawberries? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"Lily, you could have burped or said the word ""Yes,"" but the fact that you did both is exactly why I married you. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"Oh, look, more strawberries! " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"So what happened next? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Ted, don't do this. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"No, seriously. Where do you see yourself in five years? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Where do you see yourself? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Honestly, in five years... I probably want to be married. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"And I probably want to be in Argentina. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Argentina? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Or Tokyo, or Paris. Look, Ted, I don't know where I'm going to be in five years. And I don't want to know. I want my life to be an adventure. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"We have an expiration date, don't we? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Oh, my God. You guys broke up. You guys broke up. I can't believe it. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Barney... story's not over. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Can we please not talk about this here. Can we go home? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Yeah, of course. Uh, excuse me, I'm sorry about this. Can we actually... " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Wha... what? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Run! " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Run? Your strategy was run? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"It was a perfectly good idea. They didn't have our credit card information. They didn't know us from Adam. I stand by it. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Yeah? And how did that work out for you? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"I don't see why they had to keep my credit card and driver's license till we bring the horn back. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Well, come on, Ted, can you blame them? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Look, I'm sorry about the French horn. I want to make this right. So what we're going to do right now is, we're going to run! " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"So... Argentina. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Argentina. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Why is this the first I've heard of Argentina? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Mmm, American schools suck at geography. What would be the point in telling you that I want to live in Argentina? You don't want to live there. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"I could want to live in Argentina. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"No, you couldn't. I mean, you life is here and your career. I'm a journalist, my career could take me anywhere, and I hope it does. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Hey. I could be an architect anywhere, too. They have buildings in Argentina. And Paris. And even Tokyo. I don't know if you ever saw Godzilla, but he wasn't knocking down a bunch of tents. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"So, what? You're saying you want to move to Argentina? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Well, I always regretted not taking a year in college to live abroad. I just finished a big project at work. I got some money saved up. If ever there were a time in my life to do something like this, it's right now. Let's move to Argentina. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Oh, shut up. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"You're scared I might not be kidding. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Aren't you? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Nope. Your move, Scherbatsky. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Okay. Let's do it-- let's move to Argentina. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"No es posible! Nobody moves to Argentina. The Argentinean peso has dropped two-thirds in five years, the government is opposed to free market reforms, and the railroad has been a mess since the breakup of Ferrocarriles Argentinos. I hooked up with an Argentinean exchange student in a Porta-John outside Yankee Stadium. Man, she was chatty. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Right? Right? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"You caught the bouquet? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Barney. The story's not over yet. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Wait, wait, wait, wait. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"What? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"I don't know if I can do this to you. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Do what? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Well, you say you want to move to Argentina, but you want to have kids. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Oh, right. 'Cause there are no kids there. On Santa's map of the world, there's a big black ""X"" over Argentina. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"You know what I mean. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"No, I don't. Okay, say we had kids. They wouldn't have to grow up in some suburb somewhere. They would grow up on the road having adventures with us. Think of all the Hard Rock Cafe T-shirts they could collect. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Ted, you know that kids were never a part of my plan. But if I was going to have someone's babies, I'd have your babies. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"That's when you run. Tell me you ran, Ted. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Wait, wait, wait. We don't want to start having babies right this second. Do you have a...? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Well, we probably shouldn't. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Yeah. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Risk it? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Risk it. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"No. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"No. Robin, you're not... No, say the story's not over. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Come on, they're cutting the cake. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Say the story's not over! Oh, God, this is the 12th most worried I've ever been that someone's pregnant. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"Okay, Lily. I'm really hungry, so let's just, uh, aim for my mouth, okay? Besides, the smearing the cake thing's a clichée, remember? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"No, it's going to be so funny. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"Lily. Lily, just feed me the cake. Please, baby, I am so hungry. ( " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"Whoopsy-daisy. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"And she's okay. She's all right. That was funny. And it's time for the honeymoon. Guys, guys, guys. Thank you so much. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Lily,"We love you. I love you. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Getting married, having kids. It's all a mistake. It's a horrible, horrible mistake. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"All right, have fun in Scotland. If you see the Loch Ness Monster, tell him Ted Mosby says, ""What's up?"" " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"Nessie's a she, Ted, come on. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Hey, kiddo. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"You are going to miss out on a lot of awesome stuff. You'll be at home with the kid while I am out awesome-ing all over the place. And you're going to get fat. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"The story's not over, Barney. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Okay, time to get the horn back to the bistro. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Oh, Ted, I don't know if I can go again. That tuckered me out. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Not a euphemism. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Right. Okay, let me just go change, and we'll leave. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Whoa, whoa, you get to change and I don't? Uh-uh. Solidarity, sister. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"That is crazy. I have a change of clothes and you don't. Suck it up. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Well, if we'd actually moved in together, all my stuff would be here, but we didn't, so... " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Yeah. We were all talk, weren't we? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"We're not doing this, are we? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"I don't want to have kids in Argentina. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"And I don't want to have kids in Argentina. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"So where does that leave us? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Well... we could stay together and... pretend this stuff doesn't matter. Or... we could give back the blue French horn. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"You stole a blue French horn for me. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"I would have stolen you a whole orchestra. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"You did break up. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Yep. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"You're not pregnant? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Nope. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"An-And Marshall and Lily don't know? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Well, afterwards, uh, we came by to tell you guys, but Lily was pretty stressed out, so... " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"We decided not to say anything till after the wedding. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"You guys okay? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Well, it hasn't been the easiest two weeks of our lives, but... " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"But we're okay. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"The open bar helps. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Robin,"Hi. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Well, we knew this day would come eventually. Take care of her, little man. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"This is by far the drunkest I've ever seen you. Uh, driver. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"Ranjit!! Hey, can we make a stop before we head back to the hotel? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"Um, no, we actually had something else in mind. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"Lily, go sit down. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"Hi. Can we get a number one, please, with no pickles? And a number four with no onions. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"No. But thank you. Actually, we just got married. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"Thank you. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"Yeah. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Marshall,"My wife... " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"I'm really sorry about you and Robin. I know I was always joking around about wanting you two to break up, but you were really good together. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Yeah... we were. She just wasn't the one, you know? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"The one. Oh, Ted, no. Do not tell me you're going to start searching for ""the one"" again. The only time I want to hear you saying ""the one"" is if it's followed by the word ""hundredth."" What up? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"No, I need a break from all that, I... I just want to get out there and have fun for a while, you know? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Really? 'Cause... you know, you've been in a relationship for a year. You're going to... be a little rusty. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Yeah. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"I'm just saying... you're gonna need, need, need some help out there. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Could be. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Ted? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"Yes, Barney. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Do you think... Do you think maybe you might... need a wingman again? " 2x22 - Something Blue,Ted,"I do. " 2x22 - Something Blue,Barney,"Yes! Yes! We're back. We are back. And Ted, my boy, it's going to be legend... Wait for it..." 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"So, have you guys landed on a name yet? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Stuart, you are so... That's not gonna be us, right? I mean, how hard can it be to name a baby? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Right? I mean, just look at her. Yeah. She's clearly a... " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Emily. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Lisa. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Lisa?! " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Emily?! " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Okay! I made a list of awesome baby names. Starting at the topnumber one... " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"I'm gonna stop you right here, Marshall. You name a chubby white kid ""LeBron,"" and he's the one getting stuffed in the basketball hoop. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Then I'm also crossing off, um, ""Shaquille""... Mm-hmm. ""Hakeem,"" and ""Dikembe."" Hey, what about ""Rob""? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"""Rob""? No. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Why not? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Hey, Rob. What are you gonna make? A turkey? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Not ""Rob."" " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"um, how about ""Ryan""? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"Ooh. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Not ""Ryan."" " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"""Johnny?"" " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Hey, where's the goldfish? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Not ""Johnny."" Or ""Gil."" " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"""Jeremy."" " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Jeremy, no! " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Definitely not ""Jeremy."" His stuff was so derivative. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Well, I mean, geez, Lily. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Well, whatever you do, do not name your baby ""Becky,"" right? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Why? What? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Becky. My new co-anchor? Don't you guys ever watch the show? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Oh, honey, I really try. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Our DVR won't recognize it as a television program. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"I watched. Robin insisted I confirm how ""awful"" Becky is, so last night I checked it out. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Peace talks in the region have been described as, ""productive."" Becky? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Becky, we're-we're journalists. We can't get emotional about the news, we... " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Well, if you read the story, we might find out. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Okay, no holds barred-- what'd you think of Becky? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"Mmm... " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"You, too? Can somebody please explain to me why the little girl act works on men? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,"You want the long version or the short version? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Short version. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,"Short version. Who's your daddy? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"You know, when you think about that, that phrase is really creepy. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"No, it's not. It's fun. Here, watch this. Hey, Lily... Who's your daddy? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Okay, uh, let me get this straight. So, in, uh, in this scenario, because you make such sweet love to Lily, she is now your daughter. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"No, she is not my daughter. I'm just her daddy. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"Wow. That is disgusting. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Exactly. And it's not like the opposite would work. There's no way a guy could pick up a girl, going around talking like a little boy. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,"Challenge accepted. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"No. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,"I, Barney Stinson, will pick up a girl whilst talking like a little boy. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Okay. Here's my list of baby names. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Oh. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"What about ""Tara""? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"No. Not ""Tara."" Tara was the hottest girl in my high school. We were all, like, obsessed with her. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"We didn't just talk about her and fantasize about her... We wrote songs about her. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Not ""Tara."" " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"What about ""Esther""? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Oh. Oh. Hey, Barney. That prime rib was surprisingly good, but it's 10:30 in the morning. I don't need to see a lady get naked and dance. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,"Oh, Esther gets naked. But she doesn't dance. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Then what does she do? Sweet mother nature! " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,"That was my card! " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Not ""Esther."" I need a drink. Ted? Ted? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"Marshall, your list is entirely boy names. You do realize there's roughly a 50% chance of you having a daughter, right? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Okay, honestly, I've never thought about having a girl. I don't want to think about having a girl. Tara, Esther -- can you imagine being one of those girls' dads? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"I have no idea how to raise a daughter! What if she makes bad choices? I mean, what if she winds up dating some... Oh, God. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,": " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"I don't want a girl. I just want a little boy. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"It's not what it sounds like, folks. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,":Oh, okay, um... You guys, you're a little too close to the camera. Can you back up a bit? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Every time. Um, can you just sit in front of the computer like normal human beings? Perfect! Perfect. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Um, to be honest, I'm getting a little freaked out about the idea of having a daughter. I know you two probably aren't the right people to talk to about this. You had all boys. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"I'm in a computer, Mom. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Okay... No offense, Dad, but I doubt there's any scientific data to support-- " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Members of the G-8 convened today in Vienna to discuss plans to fight climate change by re... What? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Hey, Becky, Becky, this is our news segment, okay? Nobody cares what you did yesterday. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Mike! " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Okay, back to the G-8 conference. Hello? Mike, can I get in the sh*t? Fantastic. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,":Wait-- did you go out with Ted Mosby? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,":In other news, later today, a Manhattan architect gets punched in the throat. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"Ow! " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Ted, of all the women in New York, you had to go out with an eight-year-old girl? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"Not what it sounds like, folks. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Ted, you know that I hate her. How could you go out on a date with this girl? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"It wasn't a date. She came over to the apartment looking for you. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"Aww... " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Let me guessshe acted like a helpless little girl, and you stepped in as the big, strong man. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"I don't know if that's totally true. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"It's okay, little darlin'. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"Hey, hey, hey, hey. Spiders gotta die so trees can grow. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"Then I held her tight and told her it was all gonna be okay. By the way, I think I only wounded the spider. It crawled off into my bedroom. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Wait. Is that why you slept on the couch last night? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"( " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,"I'm dying out here. Talking like a little boy is not working with the ladies. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,"( " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Mm, I just need two seconds, baby. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"I know you think that's a compliment, but I'd rather you took your time. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"No, um... I'll be right back. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"This is ridiculous. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,": " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Yeah, we don't care about this... " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"No one challenged you, so it wasn't really a challenge. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,": " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,"Challenge accept... " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"Wow, I'm glad that's over. It was creepy watching Barney talk like a little kid. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Oh, but you find it irresistible when Becky does? I don't get it. The Ted that I went out with was attracted to the kind of woman who could use a steak knife without supervision. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"For your information, Becky doesn't like steak, she likes pasghetti. Spaghetti. And more importantly, she makes me feel needed. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Needed? (scoffs) She makes training wheels feel needed. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"Hey, it's nice to feel needed. And you know what? It's not a feeling guys get when they're with you. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Okay. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Eriksen! " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"When we were dating, I... I didn't make you feel needed? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"Come on! You always took charge of everything. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"I got this. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"Thanks. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"This okay? Am I hurting y... " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"I got this. Whoa! " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"Someone's trying to break in-- call the cops. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"I got this. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Did that really bother you? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"Well, yeah. It's nice to be needed. Look, I'm sorry. ( " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"I got this. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"Yeah. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,": " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Whoa! Baby, you're packing snowballs, and your breath smells like a mermaid fart. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Loving the dirty talk-- but you know what's even hotter? If we face this-a-way. Ooh, we're bad. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Wait... hey, baby, why are you facing me north? You're trying to make us have a boy. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"I... can ex... How do you know about the north thing? Um, um... And what are you doing with those lemons? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"You're trying to make us have a girl! You are trying to make us have a girl. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"All my least favorite students have been boys. So I Googled ""how to make a girl some really weird stuff came up but finally, I found this conception Web site that said you should point south at the moment of conception... eat a lemon......and heat up your lady parts to a balmy 105 degrees. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Lily, how could you do... exactly the same thing I did? You're supposed to be the sane one. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"See that? Another boy expecting a woman to clean up his mistakes. That's why girls are way better than boys. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Oh, really. Well, then how come whenever there's a creepy kid in a horror movie it's always a little girl? Or twin girls, who speak... ( " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Oh, well, what about Chucky? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Okay, A) He was a doll; B) He was possessed by an adult serial k*ll; and C) How could you bring up Chucky right before bed? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Hey. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,"Hey. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Hey. Um, when we were dating, did... did I make you feel needed? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,"No, I didn't feel like you needed me at all. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"That's what I thought. Uh, I'm sorry. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,"Wait, where are you... That's a compliment. You are the least needy woman I've ever met-- that's awesome. I mean, no guy's gonna say ""Who's your daddy?"" to Robin Scherbatsky. You're your own daddy. And mommy. And weird survivalist uncle who lives in a cabin with a g*n blaming stuff on the government. And that is what makes you the most... amazing, strong... independent woman I've ever banged. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"Thanks, Barney. You know, um... there's something that I wanted to ask you, and I don't really know how to say it so... here goes. Who's the crazy chick in the apron? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,"(baby voice)Uh-oh, I'm in ""twubble."" " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,"Last night, after admitting defeat, I just let myself go. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,"No! It's my ice cream; you can't have any. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Barney,"Challenge completed! " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Robin,"I got this. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Oh, so you finally agreed on a name? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Esther? That's beautiful. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"We're idiots. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Baby, names and gender, it's just, like... it's some way of giving ourselves the illusion that we have any control whatsoever. I- I just want a healthy, happy, 12-pound-- " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Whoa. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"Ten-pound? Eight-pound? " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"I guess, but, dude, you're writing checks my vagina can't cash. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"I love you. And I'm gonna love the crap out of whatever baby we have. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Me, too. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Marshall,"You know what? We should just think of a name that's good for either a girl or a boy. Like, um... " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Jamie. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Marshall... we just named our baby. Jamie. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Lily,"Not Jamie. " 6x06 - Baby Talk,Ted,"Shoe's untied. I got it. Yeah, this is over. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Morning, everyone! So, I had an idea for the atrium. Ready? Columns. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"I... I can't believe you knocked over my model. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Did you see what he was wearing today? It was like his pants were being held up by his nipples. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Hey, guys. What's so funny? " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Thanks. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Oh, Robin... I just had a great idea. " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"Oh, do whatever you want to me just don't wake me up. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Dude, of course you should take the day off for the Foo Fighters concert. Just say you're sick. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Sick, huh? Unbutton your shirt. Hmm... ""Foo Fighters."" Get back to work. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Well, I was thinking... " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"Oh, wow, he must be really good-looking. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Why would you say that? " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"Well, 'cause only good-looking people can get away with saying things like that. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"I have found that to be true. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"It's a blessing and a curse really. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Ted, you can't let him treat you like that. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"Yeah, you gotta ask yourself, who's the boss? " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Tony. " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"Angela. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Mona. " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"Mona? " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Watch it more closely. Rock your world. " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"So, what are you gonna do? " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Well... it's awkward, I mean, the guy used to be my boss. So, I went to talk to the managing partner. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Well, sir, I was thinking he could just be put on a different project. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Mosby, sir? I, I... I hear Mosby's doing some great work. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"You mind if I charge my phone? " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Knock yourself out. " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"Well, Ted, if you do fire Druthers, the key is timing. Remember when I had to fire my makeup artist? " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"Vicki, um... I'm so sorry about this, but there's been some budget cuts and, um, we have to let you go. I mean, after tonight. I still need my makeup for the broadcast. So... " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"You know what? I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna fire Druthers tomorrow. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Oh, my God! " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"What? " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Do you know about this? " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"No. " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"What is that? " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Only the greatest thing ever. Wait, wait, wait-- that's not enough buildup. If they were to cure cancer tomorrow, this would still be the greatest thing to happen all week. Okay. Now you're ready for naked Marshall. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Oh, my God. This is awesome times awesome. It's awesome squared. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"I know, right? Behind the piano this whole time. " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"Wait. If Marshall went to all this trouble to hide it, he clearly doesn't want us to find it. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Oh, come on, Robin. " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"No, I'm saying that he must be really embarrassed by this. We are gonna have so much fun. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"I know! We're gonna have so much fun! " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Uh, yeah, like four hours ago. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"This is a cocktail napkin. Covered in profanity. Look, Hammond, um, there's no easy way to say this, so... why don't we just, um, step into your office. " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"So, you didn't fire him? " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"I can't fire a guy on his birthday. Everyone would hate me. Besides, they put a party hat on me. My authority was compromised. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Oh, hey, Marshall. Have a seat. I know how much you love stools. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"Thanks. Yeah, stools are better for your posture. " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"And, uh... I... got you a rose. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"Thank you. That's so sweet. You guys are being... so sweet. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Hey, guys. Guess what I got. A new dart. " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"Oh, wow, a new dart. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Hey, that new dart is great. " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"I did not know you were such a fan of new dart, Barney. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Oh, yes, Robin, I just love new dart. Nude art. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted," " 2x13 - Columns,Robin," " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"Okay, all right, so what, you guys found the painting, huh? " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"I knew this day would come. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"How did you know that? " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Because I didn't hide it very well. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"Well, I just... don't think that some dude should drop trou just to pose for you. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"It's for class, and it's just that weird kid Hunter from my freshman hall. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"The frisbee dude with the soul patch? He's like the hottest guy in school! " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"No, he's actually a little husky... " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"Oh, he's just huggable! And complicated... and a little bit of a jerk. Just enough so you think maybe you can change him. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Okay, just forget it. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"Call me old-fashioned, I just think that I'm the only guy you should see naked. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Well, then you'll have to do it. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"Are you kidding me? What if somebody sees it? " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"We're not in high school anymore. People don't make fun of you for posing nude for a painting. We're adults now. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"We totally saw your butt. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"This painting has caused too much grief already. I'm destroying it right now. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Oh, no, what's the matter, Marshall? " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"Where is it? " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"I'll tell you where it is if you'll answer these riddles three. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"You hung it up in the bar, didn't you? " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Yo, why you gotta ruin my riddles? " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Field trip! " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Oh, no. Someone put your painting up behind the bar. Classic! What a memorable prank. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"What'll I have? Um, I don't know, maybe a beer and that nude painting of me hanging behind the bar! " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"I know that Barney gave you that painting. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"Whatever he's paying you, I'll pay you double. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"Whatever he's paying you, I'll give you that plus ten bucks. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"All right, you know what, Carl, you just lost yourself a regular customer. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"This painting is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"Okay, where should we put it up next? In his law school? Ooh on the side of a bus. Oh, oh! How much do billboards cost? " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Easy, Scherbatsky. Finesse. I've got a five-year rollout plan. I'll have you know that painting's got commitments all over the city. Then, after New York... " 2x13 - Columns,Ted," One " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"Oh, I'll go out with you. Bye, guys. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"You know, I wish everyone didn't have to make fun of that painting. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Eh, we're not making fun of the painting, we're just making fun of Marshall. The painting's actually really great. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Are you serious? " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Yeah. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Well, thank you. You know, seeing it again makes me miss painting nudes. What? " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Paint me. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"What? " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Paint me. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Hammond, is that you? " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Uh, no, I, I really need to talk to you. Look, there's no easy way to say... What, what are you doing? " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"I'm standing here wearing pants. Are you sleeping here? What's going on? " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Okay, well, uh, you're right-- that is none of my business. Uh, look, there's no easy way to say this-- I... " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"It's okay. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Happy birthday, buddy. So, you've been living at the office? " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Yeah, I do. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"I see it. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Not lost on me at all. But I don't understand, why don't you just go to a hotel? You could be sleeping on a mattress instead of... what appears to be torn-up drawings of my building. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Uh, no, I don't. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Well, that's the dream. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Me too, Hammond. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"No, thanks. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"No, I think just Hammond. " 2x13 - Columns,Robin,"So, I'm guessing you didn't fire him. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"I was this close. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Oh honey, you're awake? " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"I'm awake. Is everything okay? " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Yeah. I've kind of been wrestling with something. What if I told you I had a way to pay for our honeymoon? " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"Baby, our honeymoon's already paid for. We're going to Howe Caverns. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Well yeah, but-- but what if we didn't want to spend our honeymoon in a cave? " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"It's not just a cave, it's a whole labyrinth of caves. It's an underground adventure. There's a cave that's so dark that you don't even know you're in there. I mean, we're going to experience a whole new kind of dark. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Well, what if I found a way to make a little extra money so that we spend our honeymoon not in Howe Caverns, but in Scotland? " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"Loch Ness? " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Yeah. And you know, Edinburgh and the Highlands and Glasgow... " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"Loch Ness. Nessy. Baby, I would love to search for the enchanted creature of the Emerald Loch, but... we can't afford that. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Maybe we can. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Paint me. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Okay, I don't get this. You've been making fun of that painting all this time and now you want me to paint you? " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"We knew we could t*rture Marshall because he has shame. I do not. In my body, where the shame gland should be, there's a second awesome gland. True story. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Yeah, that's not the gland I'm worried about painting. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Yeah. A nude Barney is a challenge. But I think you're talented enough to immortalize this. Now is the time-- I'm 31. I'm at the peak of my physical beauty. If I were a woman, I'd have passed it long, long ago. Long ago. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Forget it. I promised Marshall he was the only guy I would ever see naked. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"I'll give you $5,000. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"We're going to Loch Ness! " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Yeah! " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"That cabby would not shut up. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"I think it, you say it. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Morning, team. So, I have given it some thought, and I say we revisit columns. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"What? " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Can I see you for one second? " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"What are you doing? I thought we were friends. You slept on my couch, you ate my cereal. I tossed you more toilet paper. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"What? I don't believe this! You're, you're, you're wearing my clothes! And my " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Okay, let's get this over with. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Hey, hey! I don't want you phoning this in. This painting could, someday, become a serious work of art. I mean, you have been blessed with an amazing gift. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Thank you. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"I meant me. Now, I like how you captured Marshall's essence. Goofy and unburdened, with wit. But me, I want something more regal. Something my progeny could look at and say, ""There's stands Barnabus Stinson."" He was wise... and strong. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"I don't think your sword will fit. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"I get that a lot. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"This isn't right. This isn't right at all. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Hold still. Hold still. Hold still! " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Paint faster! " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Okay, I guess it's time. Drop your shorts. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Yeah. Wait, wait! That wasn't enough buildup. I need... In a world without justice, one man... " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Oh, just drop them! " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"All right. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"No! No, this is not right! " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"We had a deal! " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"Well, I'm going back on the deal. Barney, get out! " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"You...! " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"It's over! " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Before you say anything, I'll give you an extra five grand. " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall," " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"You people are so easy to control. Dance for me, puppets, dance. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"No. Look, Hammond, there's no easy way to say this but... " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Oh, God. " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"There is no easy way to say this, but... " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Believe me, there is no easy way to say this... " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"You've got to be kidding me! " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Wait, his birthday was yesterday! " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"No! No birthday! No! I got something to say and I'm gonna get it out. Hammond, listen to me. I am sorry that your dog died, and that your wife is divorcing you and that... your life is falling apart and that these guys missed your birthday. And there is no easy way to say... What are you doing? What's going on? " 2x13 - Columns,Ted,"Oh, come on, you're not going to pull that, are you? Oh! Look, yeah, right. Now we're falling onto the ground. Well, nice try, but guess what? You're fired! You're fired, you get it? You hear me? You're gone! You're fired! " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Okay, it's done. I'm gonna step out, so you can admire it. " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"Thank you very much, Lily. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Marshall, do you have the money? " 2x13 - Columns,Marshall,"Yeah. " 2x13 - Columns,Lily,"Let's get out of here! " 2x13 - Columns,Barney,"A smooth area?! You gave me the Ken doll?! " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"My dad's dead? " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"This is the toughest time in Marshall's life and I feel absolutely useless. What can we do to help? " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Don't look at me. This morning Marshall said, ""I have to pee."" And I, ""Don't worry, baby, I'll do it for you."" Halfway through the pee, I'm, like, ""This doesn't even make sense!"" " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"Well, uh, I've been to a couple funerals, so I know my roleI'm Vice Girl. Whatever Marshall needs to get through this day, I got it right here. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"Cigarettes, alcohol... Are these firecrackers? My God, Robin, you somehow crammed Tijuana into a purse. " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Marshall's mom hasn't eaten, slept or sat down since we got here. Wait! That can be my role! I'll take care of Judy! " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"Yeah, but doesn't Marshall's mom hate you--the fact that you two aren't very close? " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Okay, yes, Judy and I aren't besties, but today, whatever she needs, I'm there. I'm on Judy duty. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"""Judy duty."" " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"She said ""doody."" " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"Really, guys? At a funeral? " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"Uh, okay, while not all of us possess your lofty sense of decorum, Drug-DealerFrom-An-'80s-After-School-Special, we have to laugh today. It's healthy. " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"Wait a minute! Today, we are gonna make Marshall laugh. " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"How? " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"Ted, what's the one thing that always cracks him up? " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"Internet footage of a guy getting hit in the nuts. " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"Internet footage of a guy getting hit in the nuts, exactly! So we are gonna get our bro a four-star nad rattler. You search knees, feet, banisters, fire hydrants and diving boards, and I'll cover bats, rackets, hockey sticks, golf clubs and riding crops. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"What about animals? " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"Uh... Claws, paws, talons, hooves, beaks and clenched monkey fists. We can do this! " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Hey, guys, sorry, uh... I left my charger back in New York, so my phone's out of juice. Does anyone have...? " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"Outlet or USB? " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Uh, outlet. Thank you. Oh... " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Wow, you really do have everything in there, don't you? " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"You're like Mary Poppins, if her magic purse was also filled with drugs. " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"""If""? Ted, the kids in that movie jumped into a painting and spent 15 minutes chasing a cartoon fox. ""Spoonful of sugar...""? Grow up. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Your son? " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Guys... Trey Platt terrorized me growing up. He was, he was the toughest bully in school. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Hello, Trey. Long time. Mm-hmm. I was not aware that you had become a reverend. " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"Marshall Eriksen, you could use a laugh. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"Yeah! This video is entitled, ""Little League Coach Gets Hit in the Nuts by a Foul Ball and Then Vomits in a Garbage Can."" I don't wanna give anything away. Let's just watch. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"Oh! " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"See? 'Cause, 'cause he got hit... " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,":...right in the nuts, " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"The fat kid just runs away. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Trey Platt. I can't believe my father's funeral service is being led by Trey ""The Noogie Machine"" Platt. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"That guy gave you noogies? What, did he carry a stepladder? " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"He made me carry it. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Bye, Mom. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Yeah, Dad? " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"I was gonna make a sandwich with that, Dad. Dad, don't they have food on the plane? " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"""Plane food is ass."" Those are the last words my father will ever say to me. Right after I denied the man a pork chop. Oh, God. Wait! I'm wrong! I'm wrong! That wasn't it! They couldn't find a cab so my dad called up from the street. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"And then, well, see, my dad grew up in a small town, in another generation, so sometimes - totally well-meaningly - he'd say stuff like... " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Dad... " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"My dad's last words to me were a string of odd racial stereotypes. " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"All that stuff was really nice! " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Yeah! It's positive racism! " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"This is worse than the pork chop. " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"This next clip is entitled, ""Guy Playing Bagpipes Gets Hit in the Nuts by Low-Flying Seagull"" " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"Let's see what happens. " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"Here he comes... Oh! Oh! 'Cause he gets hit right in the nuts. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"And then the fat kid loses his swim trunks. " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"Fall off. Shorts just fall right off. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"No, wait-- I'm wrong. That wasn't it. They couldn't find a cab, so I went down there. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Hey, you were right. The Kangs did, in fact, have an umbrella. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Bye, Mom. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Crocodile Dundee III is the second-best of the Croc trilogy, so maybe I can live with that " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"I've been known to locate certain objects from time to time. " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"I got ya. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Oh, my God. " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"What is it? " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"I have a voice mail from my dad. " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"You have a voice mail from your dad? " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"How? " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"My phone's been out of juice, so he must've called me the day the he, uh... " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Baby, are you okay? " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"I hold in my hand the last words my father will ever say to me. I'm gonna hit play. " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"What's wrong? " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"What if it's worse than Crocodile Dundee III? I can't do this. I can't... My mom is about to collapse. I'm gonna... " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Wait-- no, no, baby... Baby, I got it. Let me. " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"You should listen to it. Just don't put too much pressure on it. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"She's right. I mean, this idea that someone's last words have to be profound and meaningful? I mean, who can live up to that? " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"Exactly. All those ""famous last word"" people supposedly said? They're all made up. Like that patriotic dude, Nathan Hale, from third-grade history? " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"You know what his real last words were? " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"True story. " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"The point is, last words are overrated. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"Look, think of it this wayyou get to hear your dad's voice one last time. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"I should go listen to this... alone, okay? I'll be back. " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"You heard right. " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Guys, listen to what just happened. " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Judy, do you need a break? I'm happy to cook for a while. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"Whoa. Are you okay? " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Listen! " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Judy's finally sleeping and it's all because of me! Guys, I have a roleI'm Judy's bitch! Yeah! " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"Well, but this day is tough on you, too. You sure you can absorb all that? " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Yeah! Robin gave me a little orange pill from her purse. I don't know what's in it, but things are flowin' pretty smooth right now. " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"Hey, stay hydrated. " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"So? " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"I couldn't listen to it. Guys, this is hard. " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"We know, baby. But you'll always wonder, if you don't. Your dad loved you. It almost doesn't matter what he said. " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"It doesn't. That's true. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Guys, guys, what if-- God forbid-- all of your dads died right now? What would their last words to you have been? Seriously. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"I know mine. When I was in Cleveland last month, I went to visit my dad at his... post-divorce bachelor pad. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"Yeah... so glad we can we can talk about our sex lives now. That's totally an improvement. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"My prom date?! " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"I have to go. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"How would you like those to be your father's last words? " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"Well, they might be. Donna Bromstead's husband is a cop. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Lawyered. Lily? " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Hello. " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Fooled ya. Leave a message after the beep. We'll get back to ya. Beep. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Lawyered. Robin? " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"That's awful. " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"No, here's the awful part. " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"You remembered my birthday! " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Lawyered. Now can we all just admit that last words are, in fact, a big deal? " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"Man, I always thought I had it rough not really knowing my dad, but... now I realize at least I'll never have to suffer like this. Our next video is called ""German Shepherd Activates Tennis Ball Cannon While Fat Kid Sips Energy Drink."" " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Barney, please, Barney! It's... No more videos, okay? I just need a minute. " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"Whoa, they grow big out here. " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"And here's your phone number back. " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"Judy, I... " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"I did it. " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"I'm from New York. We think getting minors drunk is funny. " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"That salad's the first food she's eaten in two days. Sure, it's mostly cheese, mayonnaise and jelly beans, but it counts. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"Well, at least someone's helping. We haven't made Marshall laugh once. " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"Yeah. Showing videos of guys getting hit in the nuts wasn't going to do anything. I'm just stupid. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"Stupid. " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"What we need to do is hit each other in the nuts. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"Yes. Nothing beats the immediacy of live theater. But which one of us is going to take the hit? " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"I'm not going to listen. ""Rent Crocodile Dundee II"" are the last words that my father will ever say to me, and I think I can live with that. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"Is he laughing? " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,", his voice breaking " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"These stories suck. " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"Doesn't hold a candle to your Crocodile Dundee thing. " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"You're up next, baby. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"I just need some air. " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Baby, are you okay? " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"I have to listen to it. It's a pocket dial. It's nothing. " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Hey, so it's a pocket dial. You have so many great memories with your dad. Who cares about the last one? " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"She's right. Your dad was hilarious. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"You guys don't get it, okay? None of you do. My dad was my hero. And he was my teacher. And he was my best friend. He always came through for me. And now he's just gone. And what am I left with? ( " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Looks like your dad came through one last time. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"""I love you."" My father's last words to me are ""I love you."" " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"""I love you."" My father's last words to me are ""I love you."" " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Bye, Pop. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Then my father said the last words that he'll ever say to me""Rent Crocodile Dundee III. I caught it on the cable last night and it totally holds up."" " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"For what? " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Any time. " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Oh, man. I should have rented Crocodile Dundee III. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"Okay, seriously, how are you doing that? " 6x14 - Last Words,Marshall,"Thanks. I'll be right back. And if I don't come back, well, then these are my last words to you all. I really, really, really love you guys. Now I'm going to go drop a deuce. " 6x14 - Last Words,Ted,"Hi, Dad. " 6x14 - Last Words,Lily,"Hi, Dad. " 6x14 - Last Words,Robin,"Hi, Dad. " 6x14 - Last Words,Barney,"Hey, Mom. I'm ready to meet my dad. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Marshall,"A symbol of strength and constancy, the stone lion of The Arcadian has watched over New Yorkers for generations. So rememberif the lion head stonework is regal, then tearing it down should be illegal. Well. Did you like that? All right, uh... We must make sure the lion is always there. Destroy The Arcadian? Oh, no, don't you dare. Yeah? Yeah? Okay. Try this one on for size... If you want New York's history at your beck and call... " 6x23 - Landmarks,Marshall,"I just have... " 6x23 - Landmarks,Marshall,"Wrecking ball. Don't go swinging no wrecking ball. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Marshall,"Thank you. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"""Yes. The Arcadian should be a landmark."" And then the crowd gasps""Oh, my God! Did he really just say that? Oh, heavens! Oh, my stars! I must clutch my pearls!"" " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Almost exclusively. But here's my pointIf they ask GNB's chief architect... aka me... if The Arcadian should be a landmark, and I say ""yes""? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Marshall,"I'm sorry, I should have been more clear. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Marshall,"Nice. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"I have a message from Barney. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Dude! That's my girlfriend. And ya know what? I'm on her side now, too. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Mmm. Love you, too. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Lily,"All right, what's the message? 'Cause if it's another hypothetical yet eerily accurate drawing of my boobs... " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"Yeah, I have that, too. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Lily,"Damn it. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"All right, here's the message. ( " 6x23 - Landmarks,Marshall,"Oh, we've got the big LPC meeting in two days. I have my whole presentation worked out. I just need to find a good rhyme to end on. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Why does it need to rhyme? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Marshall,"If you end an argument with a rhyme, it's convincing all the time. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Lily,"Yeah. It's why in our apartmentIf you're a-hopin' to score, don't leave your socks on the floor. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Marshall,"And she hasn't since. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"Okay, okay. A couple of things. Lily, how'd I do? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Marshall,"Nailed it. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"Secondly, Ted, I'm sorry I said mean things about Zoey. Are you really going to walk away from this project just because you're mad at me? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"It's not because I'm mad at you. Barney, The Arcadian was designed by a guy named John Clifford Larrabee. And even though he's been dead for half a century, it's my duty, architect to architect, to keep his work alive. Please tell me a little part of you understands. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"I understand. Zoey has magic lady bits. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"What? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"Zoey's lady bits... are magic, and that's how she controls your mind. You see, every few hundred millennia, lady bits leap forward... " 6x23 - Landmarks,Lily,"I know you're only just getting started, but this is already gross. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"I once knew such a girl. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"It was last call. In this very bar. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"What...?! No... What?!...No... What?! " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"Um... thank you for, um, not using a first name in that story. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Barney, this is about the building. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"Come on. This is so about the girl. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Okay, fine. It's about the girl! I am doing this for Zoey! I'm in love with her. Look, I know it's early, but there is a very good chance Zoey might be the mother of my children. So, in addition to doing this for John Clifford Larrabee, I'm also doing this for Luke and Leia. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Lily,"Wait. She's gonna let you name your kids Luke and Leia? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Not if I knock down her favorite building, she isn't. Barney, I'm sorry. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"Oh, you're not sorry now, Ted Mosby. But you will be. You... will... be. (laughing harder and louder) That's how you do an evil laugh. Ciao for now. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"Hi, Arthur. Everything okay? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"Isn't that animal cruelty? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"Oh. That's fine, then. So listen, you know Ted, the architect? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"So, if Ted stood up at that big meeting tomorrow and said that he thought The Arcadian should be a landmark... You wouldn't just fire him, would you? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"Come again for Big Fudge? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"Can you believe that?! I can't be unemployed, Robin! My job is my identity; It's who I am. It gives me the confidence I need to convince girls I'm a fighter pilot. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"I-I don't understand. Why would he fire you? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"I don't understand. Why would you fire me? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"By being the best architect available? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"By... being Latino? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"Guys, I'm telling you, if Ted Mosby isn't fantastic, fire me. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"Damn it! I was kidding? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"I'm not kidding! Oh, by the way, Arthur, uh, how are things with you and your wife? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"They're going to fire him? That sucks. He loves that job. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Marshall,"And he's been doing it for years. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Lily,"Okay, what does Barney do at GNB? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"No idea. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Marshall,"He has a lot of keys. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"Okay, Ted, can you just please think about this before you... " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"There's nothing to think about. I-I can't lose Zoey. That's the only thing that matters to me right now. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"Okay, Ted... you know I love Zoey. But, look, sometimes... I go play chess in the park. And the key to chess... Okay, I play online. But the key to chess... Okay, it's Angry Birds! But the key to Angry Birds is to always try to see every possible outcome. And to... hit some pigs with rocks or something. I don't know; I don't play. I can't get it to download. The point is, this thing with you and Zoey? I can see it going three possible ways. There's the first scenario. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"The chairman asks you... " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"You say... " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"No. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"And Zoey dumps you on the spot. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"There's the second scenario. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"The chairman asks you... " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"You say... " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Yes " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"And you're happy for, like, a second, until you realize the building you helped save has just become a monument to everything this woman made you give up, and you resent her for it, so much so, in fact, that you dump her. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"We're done here. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"You said there was a third scenario. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"Right. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"The chairman asks you... " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"But before you can answer...You're hit in the neck with a blow dart fired by the ninja Zoey's ex-husband hired to assassinate you. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"That one's less likely. What I'm saying... what I hate saying... is this. You and Zoey are gonna break up. But you can still save your career and Barney's. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Okay, first of all, no ninja's getting a jump on me. I have the reflexes of a jungle... " 6x23 - Landmarks,Lily,"Tree? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Second of all, I don't care that the odds are stacked against us. I'd rather try to make this work with Zoey than spend the rest of my life alone playing Angry Birds, which, by the way, I've shown you how to download, like, 20 times. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Lily,"I've got to say, I'm with Ted on this. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Thank you. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Lily,"I mean, yes, this is a huge, divisive issue for them. Which means no matter what happens, there's gonna be a lot of resentment. Probably lasting for years... infecting every single moment of the rest of their relationship. So, in conclusion, I'm with Robin on this. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"Thank you. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Barney, what are you doing? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Really? 'Cause it feels more like my insane friend renting a costume and breaking into my apartment in the middle of the night for what I wish I could say was the first time. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Barney, there's condoms in the drawer. Just take them and get out. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Whoa! Lighting change! " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Okay, yes, it's-it's a terrible building, but... does that mean we have to knock it down? I mean, it's not bothering anyone. Just anyone who lives in it... Or looks at it... Or smells it. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"The Arcadian has to go, doesn't it? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"You realize this kind of screws up my personal life. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"This is a dream, right? Because, Barney, I swear to God, if that's you... " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,", " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"""Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair"""" " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Right. And I mistook you for a prostitute right... here. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Worth every penny. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"No, we should get some sleep. But this was fun. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Exactly. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Yeah. Good night. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"No, it shouldn't be a landmark. There are a lot of important buildings in New York. The Arcadian isn't one of them. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,", " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Yeah, that's me. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"This is a nightmare. I can't believe she kept that tape. The LPC's gonna come back with a decision tomorrow, and based on today... " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"They're gonna landmark the hell out of that place. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Yeah. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"We'll end up out of a job, all thanks to some stupid, only sort of awesome lion head. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Marshall,"Better get used to that lion head. As of tomorrow, it's gonna be there till the end of times. And all because of my sweet, sweet rhymes. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"What are we gonna do? We should buy a bar. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"We should totally buy a bar! " 6x23 - Landmarks,Marshall,"We should absolutely totally buy a bar! " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"It's really the only sensible idea right now. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Marshall,"Oh, oh, and ready? It's a theme bar. It's a courtroom. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Yes! Where the bartenders wear sexy judges' robes. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Marshall,"I'll allow it! " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"The only court where you show up, then get served. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"Ho! You're judged by a jury of your beers. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"That's not bad. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Lily,"Just stop it! No one's buying a bar. Right now we have a little problem. Let's just think of a solution. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Lily, it's over. The good guys lost. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Marshall,"I don't know, homegirl is pretty diabolical. If there is a plan that'll get us out of this, it's somewhere inside this butter churn. She'll think of it. I'm just gonna sit here... and watch it happen. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"Oh, this ought to be good. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"Oh, this is good! " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"We have to find Arthur right now. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"Hey, Arthur! " 6x23 - Landmarks,Robin,"Oh, cute dog! " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"Listen, Arthur, Marshall's wife has an idea for how we can save, not saving The Arcadian. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"Uh... Hey, Arthur? " 6x23 - Landmarks,Lily,"Okay, first hear my demands. One, Ted and Barney keep their jobs. Two, when you guys do finally blow up The Arcadian, one of them gets to push the button. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Dibs. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Lily,"Well... " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Zoey... Zoey! " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"I don't know. Sometimes... things have to fall apart to make way for better things. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Ted,"Okay, you don't have to hold back anymore. You may now say what you really think of Zoey. " 6x23 - Landmarks,Barney,"I don't know, she may have been right about that lion's head. It gave The Arcadian a regal elegance. Then again, it goes really nice with my duvet. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Kids you know that photo in the den? It was taken back in 2006, when Grandma and Grandpa came to visit me and we all went out to brunch. We all look pretty happy, right? Wrong. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"I wish your face would melt off. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"I wish your eyeballs would explode. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"I hate you. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"I hate you more. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"I'm going to k*ll him. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"I can't say I blame you. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"No, I mean I'm seriously going to k*ll him. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"I don't care how unpleasant it is. You have to talk to him. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"Okay, if you don't, I will. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"You mean the spa the judge ordered him to go to to quit cocaine? " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Mosby. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Good to see you. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"I was just stopping by to pick up some of my things. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Lily calling off the wedding and dumping me? " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Me begging Marshall to take me back and him rejecting me? " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Actually, we're cool. We just divided up CDs. It was all very civil. I'm proud of us. Wwe're, we're good. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"(looking at Marshall) " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"What? " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Well, I-I don't want to go if it would make you uncomfortable. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Why would it? " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Well, I mean, yeah, we're... We're good, but you got to admit there's that stuff between us. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Um, not for me. Now it's just like we're friends. It's like we're brother and sister. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"""Brother and sister""?! Okay. Fine, yeah, I'll see you at the restaurant, bro. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Hello, everyone. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Hello, Marshall. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Oh, thanks. It's kind of revealing, but I thought, ""Hey, we're all family."" Right, bro? Ooh, ah... " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"What's wrong? " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Oh, I, I hurt my ankle in yoga today. The instructor told me to just take deep breaths to get through the pain, just... " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"No, I'm fine. It's just... This roll is really spicy. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Lily is evil! She just wore that dress to t*rture me. Well, you know what? Two can play at that game. See, at brunch, I'm going to t*rture Lily right back. Yeah. There's a part of my body that she's got a weakness for, too. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Dude, you can't whip that out at brunch. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"No, not that. I'm going to unleash my calves. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"That's crazy. Nobody's turned on by men's calves. They're a thoroughly unerotic body part. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Well, yeah, I'd say that, too, if I had those skinny little chicken legs. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"I'll be waiting by the phone for your apology. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Hello. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Hey, Marshall. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"Hey. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Hey. How are you feeling? You looked kind of feverish last night. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall," Oh, no, I actually feel great. It is kind of warm in here, though, isn't it? " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Oh, I don't know, if anything, it's kind of... ( " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. I'm just making myself feel a little bit more... comfortable. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Take off your dress. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Take off the rest of your pants. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"I really wasn't expecting that to happen. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Yeah, me neither. It kind of complicates things, doesn't it? " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Yeah, it does. Why did you have to throw your magnificent calves at me? You know you have a punter's leg. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Well, why did you have to throw your beautiful boobs at me? You know you have... boobs. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Just admit it, you came here trying to seduce me. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Seduce you? You seduced me. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"You sat down next to me and took most of your pants off. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"You went to San Francisco for three months. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"How is that seducing you? " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Well, it's not but I'm still mad about it. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"All right, that's it - I want The Beatles Anthology. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Oh, well, that's too bad. I'm keeping it! And you know the U2 box set I gave you? Look inside - all Dave Matthews. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"You are evil. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"I'm going to k*ll him. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"I can't say I blame you. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"No, I mean I'm seriously going to k*ll him. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Barney, what are you doing here? " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Uh... I'm here to meet your parents. They must be dying to meet me after all the legendary Barney stories you've told them. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"I haven't told them any legendary Barney stories. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"What? " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Barney, here is a list of all the things I talk with my dad aboutbaseball. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"But I'm your best friend. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Well, actually Marshall's my... " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"I'm the most important person in your life. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Well, Robin's actually... " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"How could your parents not know about me? I'm delightful. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"To us, sure, in very small, infrequent doses. I mean, come on, you're not exactly the kind of friend parents want their kid to have. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Oh, really? Then I guess those shoes aren't the thing you're most wrong about today. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"I know you've all been excited to meet... " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Barney Stinson. An honor to meet the two of you. That needlepoint ""Bless This Mess"" pillow you made for Ted - what a stitch. Stitch! Did that just happen? " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Uh, Mom, Dad, this is my girlfriend, Robin. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"Hello. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"That's funny, I didn't even ""look"" in the mirror today. That's not anything, is it? So, I made a reservation at San Marino tonight for 8:00. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"(laughing) " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"I know. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"How are we supposed to get a table at Casa A Pezzi? They're booked for weeks. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Well, lucky for you, I happen to know the head waitress, which is ironic because... " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Stop it! Don't, don't! " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Ironic because we both work at a homeless shelter where I serve the food. Where do you volunteer, Robin? " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"What's the matter with you? I'm his girlfriend, and I'm not even trying that hard. Way to wreck the curve, kiss-ass. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Robin, I'm his best friend. That's a commitment. Girlfriend? That's like a bad flu. Out of your system after a couple weeks in bed. High five! " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Yes, you can, Virginia. There's a story behind that broach, and I'm going to hear it. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"No, Virginia, you're delightful, I am deligh-ted. And he's just Ted. I'm really not planning these things; they just keep happening. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Whoops. I think I dropped an ice cube down here. Ow, it's so cold. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"All right, that's it, I'm out of here. In a minute. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Anyone up for a drink at MacLaren's? " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"No, I'm kind of tired. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Me, too. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Yeah, I'm sure my folks are gonna want... " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Cervezas? Did he fall? " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"St. Peter's, 8:45 a.m., it's my favorite service. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Wait a minute. You're able to cross the threshold of a church? " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"I'll save you a seat. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"Robin. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Susan, her name is Virginia. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Dude, I am sincerely ticked at your dad right now. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Why? " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Last night, we go to MacLaren's for a drink, right? " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Oh, I'm no hero, Wendy. You know who is a hero? My Dalmatian, Smokey. He... didn't... make it out. I'm sorry. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"I'm... oh. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"My dad was your wingman? This is really messing with my head. Barney, is... Is my dad cool? " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"I'm not done. So, your dad stays to finish his drink, but I take off because I have to be up early for Mass with your mom. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Sure. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Anyway, I realize that I left my phone on the bar, so I come back... " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Oh, my God! Is that really...? Oh, my God! " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"I know. Can you believe your dad rack-jacked me like that? " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"My dad made out with Wendy the waitress? He cheated on my mom? No, that's impossible. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Ted, it's a well-known statistic that 83% of people married longer than six months are seeing someone on the side. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Do you know that when you make up a statistic, you always use ""83%""? " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"You think I'm lying. Well, have you done any surveys on the subject? Because the good people at " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"That's not a real Web site. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Oh, and I suppose I didn't get a real T-shirt for running in their 10K. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Hi, Dad. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Enjoying your vacation so far? " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Uh, listen, can I speak to you outside for a sec? " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"So you went out with Barney last night? " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"You have a good time? " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Yeah. So... " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Well... " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"You think Cerrano's got a sh*t at the RBI title? " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"I wanted to confront him, but I couldn't. I guess I got the let's-not-talk-about-anything-uncomfortable gene " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Well, you didn't get your dad's close-the-deal gene, that's for sure. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"I don't care how unpleasant it is. You have to talk to him. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"Okay, if you don't, I will. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"One last thing about my mom. She grills every single one of my girlfriends about when we're gonna get married and have kids. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"But this is the first time she's meeting me. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Doesn't matter. And you'll know it's coming when she mentions my cousin Stacysix kids in five years. The woman's basically a ride at a water park. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"But I don't want to get married and have kids. What am I supposed to say? " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"You know what? You're an adult with perfectly valid opinions. You shouldn't have to apologize for them. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"I'm gonna lie. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"I would. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Thanks again for letting me have the U2 box set. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"I know how important it is to you. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Oh, good for her. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"Oh, boy. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"I'm just not ready. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"Oh. Uh, I thought you, um... It's great. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"Ooh, a piano! " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"You lucked out with my mom last night, huh? What a relief, right? " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"Oh, absolutely. Whew, what a relief it is to know I'm the one girlfriend your mom doesn't want you to have kids with. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Hooray? " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"I mean, did she really think that your college girlfriend Cheryl would pop out attractive children? 'Cause I've seen pictures, and, I'm sorry, that girl had a brow ridge like a caveman. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Come on, she was just frowning under direct light. And besides, that's not even what I liked about her. It was her... It's not important. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"What happened to Marshall and Lily? " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"They've been fighting lately. They're probably off somewhere going at it. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"Well, if she's so sweet, maybe she should have Ted's babies. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"Nothing. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Just a minute. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Maybe less. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"Why don't you want me to have your grandkids? " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"No! I mean, I don't know. I just... I want you to want me to want to have your grandkids. And you should. I'm a genetic gold mine. No family history of diabetes or heart disease. Everyone has nonporous teeth and perfect eyesight. I had one schizophrenic uncle but even he had perfect vision. Which was unfortunate for the people around the bell tower he was in, but still he was a very fine man, and... " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Excuse me. Sorry. Didn't know that there was a line. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Marshall, your zipper. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"Why do you say that? I mean, you got married pretty young. That wasn't a mistake. Was it? " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"I wish your face would melt off. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"I wish your eyeballs would explode. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"I'm gonna k*ll him. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"I don't care how unpleasant it is, you have to talk to him. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"Okay, if you don't, I will. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Sweetheart? Sweetheart?! The only sweetheart in your life should be the woman you married 30 years ago, not the waitress at the bar last night and not this clumsy floozy! " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Dad? You, uh, want to tell Mom what happened at the bar last night? " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Oh? " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Serious talk? Mom, what...? He was kissing another woman. Don't you care? " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"Mrs. Mosby? " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"What do you mean you're divorced? Since when? " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"So ten months ago, you just up and decided to get divorced without telling me? " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"How could you not tell me this?! " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"So last Christmas...? " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"I got you a tandem bike. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Who the hell is Frank?! " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Okay, my head's about to explode, and I don't want to get it all over everyone's waffles, so I am leaving. " 2x03 - Brunch,Barney,"You know, he mentioned he was divorced last night. I totally spaced on that. Ooh, no line at the omelet station. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Lily... I'm sorry that I said all those things. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Me, too. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"I just find it really confusing to be around you right now. " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"It's the same for me. I think we're probably both better off trying to keep some distance for a while. " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"Yeah, I think you're right. Are you wearing a push-up bra? " 2x03 - Brunch,Lily,"Did you Mystic Tan your calves? " 2x03 - Brunch,Marshall,"I withdraw the question. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Thank you. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"No, this is ridiculous! We have to start talking about stuff, and not just baseball. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Against the Red Sox? Boy, that's a big win. No. No. No. We're not gonna blow past this. I mean, I don't even know who you people. I don't even know how you met. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"No. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"That's it? That's what passes for communication in our family? Man, when I have kids, and I tell them how I met their mother, I'm gonna tell them everything, the whole damn story. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"I just, I don't... I don't understand. You seemed so happy. When I was growing up, you seemed so... What happened? " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"So? Robin and I are like that. That doesn't mean anything. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Robin and I have different views on families. We're not about to break up because of it. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"Wow. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"I know. " 2x03 - Brunch,Robin,"They love me! " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"Good. Good, I think it'll be really good for the family. By the way, how's Grandma? She hasn't returned my last couple calls. " 2x03 - Brunch,Ted,"No. No. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"I want to press the button to blow up The Arcadian! " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"I want to press it! " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"I want to press it! " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"I want to press it! " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Guys, I dated you both, and neither of you is good at pressing or even finding the button. After some awkward pawing around, that building's going to fake an implosion, say, ""Baby, that was great"""" and go to sleep. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"It's just a button, okay? Can we just talk about something else, please? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"Well, I ran into Zoey yesterday. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"That's the first time since the breakup. How's she doing? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"Saving money. Making new friends. No downside. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"Well, I can tell you're really busy so I should... I'll let you go. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"You know that ""coffee"" is code for ""I want to get back together"" right? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"Well, at first I wasn't sure, but then she said something that got me thinking. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"Don't worry, we're not. I just, I feel bad Zoey's having such a hard time. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"You know what might... make you feel better, buddy? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"I'm not letting you press the button. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"I want to press the button! " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"You're not pressing the button! It's my button! " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"He's out printing out a whole new batch of résumés because he misspelled the phrase ""detail-oriented."" And when he gets back home, he is going to find his favorite soup there waiting for him. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Oh, that's sweet, Lil, but didn't you guys get food poisoning here one time? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"Three times. But they're really nice about it. Their policy is, ""Get sick, get a free gallon of soup"". " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"This is Mr. Buttons 2. Now, after what happened to Mr. Buttons 1, we have to be very gentle with... " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"This was about to be my third bowl. Why shouldn't I eat the soup? Why shouldn't I eat the soup? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Hey, Mr. Architect, big day for you tomorrow, huh? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Yeah. Getting to stand next to me while I press the button. That is going to be legend... wait for it...dary adjacent. Legendary adjacent! " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"You okay? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"Yeah... no. This morning I was talking to the foreman. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"You know, Rod, um, I'm loving that nickname, and I can tell it's totally affectionate, but, uh, I'd prefer Ted. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"50,000 lightbulbs! What if this one's too bright? What if this one flickers and gives everyone a weird headache? Do you know how many people it takes to change 50,000 lightbulbs? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney," Are these people Irish, Polish, blondes... what are we dealing with here? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"There's just-- there's so many decisions to be made. What if I make all the wrong ones and my building just sucks? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Not possible. Your building is new. And I have one ruleNew is always better. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"You can't keep saying you have one rule if they're always different rules. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Ah, but ""new is always better"" is my oldest rule, which makes it the best. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"Hi, Marsh. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Oh, hey, buddy. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Hey. Everything okay? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"Lily got food poisoning from some soup. And then I ate the soup exactly three hours later. Which means I can see exactly three hours into my future, and it... doesn't... look... good. I tried to be supportive. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"Oh, baby, can you just hold me, please? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"Of course, baby. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"But it doesn't help it that when Lily gets going; she sounds like a velociraptor from Jurassic Park. But then I realized a man can do a lot of living in three hours. So, I'm out experiencing this beautiful, crazy dance called life. Ah, my last meal. MacClaren's famous jalapeno poppers. My doctor says I need to eat healthier, so I figured the round-trip flight these babies are about to take will land them permanently on the no-fry list. Good-bye, my friend. It's been a hell of a ride. I have to... " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"Hey, babe. The g*ng says feel better. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"Mm. Thanks. Wait, you didn't tell them I had food poisoning, did you? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"Um, I... " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"Marshall, when it's stomach stuff, you just say ""under the weather,"" or people start picturing you doing unspeakable things. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"I know. I just said that you had the sniffles. No one is picturing anything but little red-nosed you under a blankie with some hot tea. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"I wonder what end it's coming out of Lily right now. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"I bet it's her tushie. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"I bet it's both. Hey, speaking of explosions... enough already, Ted! That button's mine! " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,", " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"I got you this job, so I... Say what? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"Whatever. It's yours. I gotta run. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"You... " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,", " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Why would Ted just give up the button like that? And he forgot his phone. ""See you in an hour."" " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Who's that from? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Zoey. They're meeting for coffee. Ted's getting back together with her! " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Why would Ted get back together with Zoey? He's doing great. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"After a breakup, we all think we're doing great. Sometimes the tiniest trigger can unravel you and send you crawling right back. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"No, I refuse to believe that Ted is getting back with Zoey because of lightbulbs. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Uh, Ted's gone back for less. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"Hi, Natalie. You want to get coffee sometime? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"Bro. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Ted, I only have one rule. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"But I can't reach the worst part. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"Robin, you want to get coffee sometime...? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Get it together, bro. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"According to my calculations, at 6:00 p.m., my body is gonna pay out like the most disgusting slot machine in the world. That gives me two hours to go do the interview and still get back in time. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"Oh, but, baby, what if you hit the jackpot early? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"Don't worry. I'll be prepared. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"Can... I... borrow... an adult diaper? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"We've got to stop Ted. Where are they meeting? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Okay, Zoey wrote, ""Meet me at 6:00, where it all began, where you gave me the orchid at the intersection."" " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Well, that's good. All we have to do is think back to the time Ted told us about his first date with Zoey. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"Amazing first date with Zoey! We met at the intersection... " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Aw, that's sweet. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"You weren't listening either? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"I was in a coma. I mean, who pays attention to that sappy romantic crap? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Lily! " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"Yeah, I wasn't listening, either. Ted really can go on about a bitch. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Great. He could be anywhere. We're flat out of clues. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"Hey, wait. Ted left a message. I could hear it 'cause I was in the bathroom... blowing my nose... I have the sniffles. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"Damn it, Marshall. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Okay, we're never gonna find him. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"Wait, wait, wait. That's was a subway announcement in the background. I speak conductor. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"Got it. Ted's at... " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"That's the intersection. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"That's in Brooklyn. How are we ever gonna get there in time? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Way ahead of ya. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"Hello, hi. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"I can't believe Ted's getting back together with Zoey. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"I know. They're a total train wreck. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Unmitigated disaster. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Yeah, almost as bad as us. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"We were a mess. Do you remember how awful I looked by the end? My hair was falling out, my skin was gray, my back was hunched. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"What about me? I got so fat, at the end of a date, you'd unhook my bra. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"You were the only boyfriend I ever motorboated. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Thank God we're not sentimental saps who panic and get back together. Seriously, why would people do that? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"I guess I get it. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"What do you mean? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Well, no matter how bad things got... Ted really did love Zoey for a minute there. Didn't he? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Yeah... he did. And... she loved him, too. Didn't she? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Yeah, she did. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"That's a seal. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"Mm-hmm. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Okay, where the hell are they? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Maybe this isn't the intersection. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Well, maybe it is and we're too late. Man, I wish we'd gone to Brooklyn sooner. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Wait. Where'd you get that? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"She's alone! There's still time! But where the hell is Ted? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Wait a minute. On their first date, he brought her an orchid. How much do you want to bet he's gonna do it again? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Brilliant. But wait, he had a huge head start on us. There's no way he's still in there unless he spent a half an hour picking out the perfect orchid. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,", " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"A pile of rotting seagull carcasses covered in toxic sludge. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,", " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,", " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"When it's stomach stuff, you just say ""under the weather"" or people start picturing you doing unspeakable things. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"I have food poisoning and I'm about to start volcanoing toxic sludge out of both ends! " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"Nailed it. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"Thanks, Julia! No, on second thought. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"You can't get back together with Zoey just because you're freaking out over a lightbulb. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"I'm not freaking out over a lightbulb! I'm freaking out over 50,000 lightbulbs! I can't do this! I only got this job because you gave it to me, Barney. I didn't earn it! " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"Look, Ted, the future is scary. But you can't just run back to the past because it's familiar. Yes, it's tempting. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"But... it's a mistake. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"You're right. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"Hey, baby, how'd it go? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"Lily, this year, this nasty schoolyard bully of a year will not stop punching me in the face. How did we kick off 2011? My dad died. And now after five months of unemployment, I just blew my dream job. The good news is, in a few seconds, I'm gonna start heaving my guts out because that's what life is for me nowjust losing what's inside until I'm just empty. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"Baby, come here. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"I just want to shut my eyes for a few seconds before it starts. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"He is. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"You sure? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Yeah. You earned it. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"Hey, new is always better, right? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Always. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Marshall,"Lily, it's a miracle. I didn't get sick. I didn't get sick. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"I know, baby. I'm pregnant. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Robin,"I'm proud of you for giving Ted the button. It meant a lot. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"It's just a button. Can we talk about something else, please? ( " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"How you been? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Look, I don't know why you would possibly say yes to this, but would you want to grab a cup of coffee with me sometime? 20 minutes. I was such a jerk to you. You can spend the entire time calling me every dirty name in the book. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"I'll call you. You look beautiful, by the way. And here I thought it was too late for sundresses. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"Challenge accepted. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Lily,"Best man? You're being summoned. " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Ted,"Geez, what now? " 6x24 - Challenge Accepted,Barney,"What do you think of this tie? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Well, I must go to Stella. Tonight is the big night. I tried before, I always failed. This time I will succeed. Tonight... I am a lesbian. Robin, your lipstick. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Oh, no! Take pictures, okay? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Hi, Ted. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Oh, no! " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Hi, Matisse. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," Theodore! " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," T-Diddy! You've missed that! " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," Robin has had the job of presenter. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," And we have a free bottle of champagne. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," But it's empty now. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Oh, no! " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Oh, no! " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," What's up, G? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Yeah, okay. It's just that... You know, I want to spend time with you, with my friends. I seem to spend my life on the train. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," It's a great idea. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," You want us to go in New Jersey? Oh, that's great. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Why? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," First, I no longer have my gold medallions. I sold them when they are out of date, 400 years ago. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Lily? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," I'm sorry, Ted. I am a New Yorker pure juice. I am programmed to despise and hate New Jersey and all it represents. Why I say that? You hate him more than anyone. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," What? I love New Jersey. Why you say that? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," And then he walks past me. I hate you not respect the queue more than New Jersey. In fact, this is false. There's nothing I hate more than New Jersey. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Great, huh? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," It's waiting for you? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," No, it'll take a while. I have to drop a massive New Jersey. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," So New Jersey is not my favorite place. But when we get married, and they have moved in with me, I will never stay there. Unless I see the Giants and I evacuated New York or I get rid of a body. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," Ted, if you m*rder me and bury me in New Jersey, I'll haunt thee for ever. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," And if I assassinate and bury you somewhere else? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," I'll leave you alone. I'm sure you had your reasons. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," I am Robin Scherbatsky, and you look... Etro New One to 23h. And again at 1am. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," So hurry up and vote for the cutest dog in New York. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," Four workers were electrocuted when a subway train derailed. Stay here for more... de-rail shocking. Joel, people died. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," Tonight is my last issue. I arrived in Metro New One as a small caterpillar. And for 4 years, this office was my cocoon.But tonight, I turned into a butterfly ambitious. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," Why it looks silly? She had a stroke? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Yeah, a stroke of genius. This speech is really good. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," With an eye on the horizon, a look at the truth, and an eye on you all. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," It's you who wrote, right? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," This is a modified version of one I did when I left the swim team because of an ear problem. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," You wore towels. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," It's part of the team. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Stella has not found a babysitter, you're stuck. Instead, we'll all stay here and it'll be awesome. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," It's pathetic. It's Saturday night. We should get drunk in a bar. I know this sounds depressing, almost tragic, but it is a fact. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Yeah, and I want another drink for this girl, Doris. I know I can ask this aircraft lesbian. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," No snakes on that plane. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Come on guys, you promised. We stay there and we try to have fun. We're all here. Being with friends. It's not that the primary? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," With the next train, you can be in McClaren's to 23h. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," You can be at 22h. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," No, I have to change. I'm not feeling in New Jersey. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," What? No! " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," Yeah, probably. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," That's great! We have darts. A half ping-pong. An aquarium. Look how it's getting a great night as planned. One could make the bait and watch them fight. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," No thank you. I play not with aquariums unless they are my two favorite animals: the pilot fish and torturlute. Did you see! " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," For torturlute? You're right. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Marshall. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," You deserve better than that. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Lily. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," Not good enough. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Stella. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," I fall not rest until we not make me respect for another person's knuckles brushing against mine so sweet, but manly.Small, small... Small, small... Small... Who's the baby? Know that as long as it does not have what he wants. No, deserves.This fist will not waver. It... bow... not. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," Yes, why not. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," When I what? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," I thought they came to live with you. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Me too. My God, I moved to New Jersey? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Guys, I'm sure the dog had to soaring after swallowing the tablet X. Too good! Go! " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," I can not live here. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," It's not so bad. You can put a mini fridge, there, and perhaps an air hockey. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Air Hockey. Well done my fat. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," I speak of New Jersey in general, not the basement. She wants me moved? I do not get it. It was discussed there for months. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," I thought that after marriage, Lucy and you could sit here. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," I understand why they want to live in New Jersey when you can live in Manhattan? I thought my apartment was one of his reasons for marrying me. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Seriously, I thought it was the only one. Too much! You're glowing. Tape the Barnacle. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," Stella has already warned me. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," So, your first day? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," It was not. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," It was not my first day. I arrived and there were 20 people. In fact, I have not really got the job. I just had an interview. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," How so? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," I know. He told me that I had had it. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," I got it? I got it! " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," Thank you! Thank you! " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," I'll call and beg Joel for giving me my job. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," No! " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," You hate that job. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," It was not so bad. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," How they made you call the Hurricane Hector when he was pouring with rain? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," A cycorde. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," You're in the eye of cycorde. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Thank you. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Naughty. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," That sucks, but I can do what? I will not have another job. You would have seen other women in the interview. They were all more experienced, more ""ethnic"". There was a black girl with blue eyes. How can I compete? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," You can not. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," You can compete with anyone. You're Robin Scherbatsky. Confident, strong, great. With super long legs that look great in shorts. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," I called Joel. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," If you call now, you'll regret it. I slept with me full of women who were then sent to graze and then decamped. And sometimes they take the phone and they call me and do it again. And when we finished, I see that look on their faces, that look that says they hate themselves and they would never have known. But if you could see this look... In fact, you can see that look, there is a video, " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," Come on. I will not call. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," This is the look. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," I can not live here. I hate being here. I would k*ll myself. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," New Jersey is not so bad. Stella has a lawn. You can have a lawn mower. They sell there. I've seen with a cup holder. I saw a deck chair with a cup holder. I even saw a hammock with a cup holder. You live in New Jersey, you will not have to hold a cup. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," It asks me no problem holding a cup, unlike you. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," I'll give you $ 100 for hitting my fist. $ 200. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," Drop it, Barney. Your arm should make you suffer. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," $ 10 000. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," You'll be on the other side of the river. You'll be in New York all the time. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," I'm sorry. You are in New York? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Are you in town? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," You see? All the time. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," When was the last time? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," It's been closed for six years. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," I can not do that. I'll tell Stella she and Lucy are coming to town and that's it. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," What do you think guys? Beagle, or Boston terrier? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," It's the tears? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," They are magnificent... manly tears of pain. They are not emotional. They are a little emotional. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," Where is Robin? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," Shirley, this is Robin. I called Joel. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Robin, hangs up. Do not do that. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," Sorry, I know, OK? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," If you hang up no... " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," Stop! Joel, this is Robin. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," I'm sorry for saying all this stuff. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," Ok, I have half an hour to arrive at the studio. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," You can never be in town in 30 minutes. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Do not do it. It's scary to bet on itself, if you do not, nobody will. I'm not saying that to pat my fist. Even if a punch would be great. I mean it. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," I bet on me. I bet I can be there for 23h. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Yeah, I took a pack of 144. The rest is in the trunk. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," No. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Was in line for the pictures, my hair is in the air... I want to live in New Jersey. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," I can not. And I see no reason that you did not come to New York. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Yes, but my apartment is close to the Metro. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," How does it ""end of discussion""? It never was. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," People with kids are moving all the time. It would be great for Lucy to grow up in the largest city in the world. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Better than...? You think...? I... The Empire State Buil...H and H Bage... The center Linco... Zabar's... Papaya King.New York is the cultural and intellectual center of the planet. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Hey, I know my neighbors! " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," At the other end of the hall, there is... Clax... pa... I. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," It is called Paxton. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," I love this guy. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," Sorry, I'm in a hurry. I go to before I go down first. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," Ok, this is crazy. You can not believe that New Jersey is better than New York. In New York, there was Broadway. No need to say more. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Oh, yes. Tape for safety. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," You can not beat A.C. Pity! Nobody needs to know. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," New York has Greenwich Village. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Chronicles of the Oscar-winning on urban neurotic.Tape! " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Sinatra. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," But that city he sings? This is not ""Secaucus, Secaucus."" " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," Look, Stella, I understand that coming from New Jersey, you think not to like New York, but believe me, Marshall did not believe it either, and now he would move for anything. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," I hate New York! Sorry, but it's true. Today, I passed PriceCo. You've already been? It's huge. The New York stores are cramped. When I turn, I spill something. I'm like a big monster out of the ocean to destroy bodegas. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," but, Marshall, you love New York. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," Yes, except I hate it. I'm too big for New York! I try to hold seats in the cramped subway or stoop under doors over 150 years. People are taller, have larger doors. What is your problem? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Small town, big men, then tope. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Marshall," It is too noisy, all the time. Yes, it is the city that never sleeps. Well, I would sleep well. I'm tired for 8 years. Tired and scared, with black and blue marks on my elbows to try to keep between the gateway for elves. New Jersey's great. There are department stores, and lawn and you do not have to wear a cup. For the rest of your life. I'm not afraid to say so. I love New Jersey. Just kidding. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," I understand, OK? I see what you mean. I guess... we could live in Brooklyn. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Silence embarrassed. Tope then. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Hey, Lucy. What are you doing up? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Sorry. Go back to sleep. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Ok, I'll get your mom... " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Let's go. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," I moved here. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," Really. New Jersey wins. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," Oh, thank you! Wait. Good evening, New York. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Look, it did. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," Our story tonight, the baby panda at the zoo in Central Park made his first tooth today. I think that makes him a... Bear molar. Bear molar. Bear molar. You know what? It's really over for me. Good night, New York. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," It really stops. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," You think you're there for something? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," I think so. Good job, Barney. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Barney," Oh, my God! Thank you! Oh, I k*ll my arm. My arm has never been so sore since I was 13 the day I knew how to close the bathroom. Cool! " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," What's the matter? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," I have not officially got the job. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Lily," I'm sorry. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," It's OK. They offer me another. " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Ted," It's great. This is for what? " 4x03 - I Heart NJ,Robin," Foreign Correspondent. I... moved to Japan. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," Super. So I'll call you. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," Look at this. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," I had the number of that girl. Look. Holly. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," Owl. The girls with a name ending in LY are dirty.Holly, Kelly, Carly, Lily. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," Yeah, it's true. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," And not to mention the girls with names ending in I instead of a Y. These girls are like rides. You make the long tail, but once inside, you hold on, hoping not to lose your keys. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," You know what I'm going to do? I'll call on. I will do ""you remember me? It's been a "". It's funny because I just saw. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," You can not. You must wait three days before calling.This is the rule. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," This rule is completely outdated. They know exactly what you do. I have another rule. It's a bit crazy, but I call it, ""you like him, you call him."" " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," Sorry. Can you repeat that? I do not mean the I-f*ck-ever. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," My rule of three days, it is anything. Who invented it? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," Jesus. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," Barney, do not do that. Not with Jesus. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," Seriously. Jesus began this thing for three days. He waited three days to return to life. It was perfect. If he had waited one day we would not have known he was dead! They would have said: ""Jesus, are you? ""And Jesus would probably have said,"" You okay? I died yesterday! ""And they would say:"" You have the air alive, man. "" And they should explain his resurrection. And the miracle. And then the guy would say, ""Okay, whatever you want, dude."" " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," The dialogues seem pompous old now. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," And he will not come back on a Saturday. Everyone is busy doing chores. Weave, cut the beard. No. It looked exactly the right number of days... Three. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," I promise, I'll wait three days. Stop talking. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," And it's Sunday, they are all already in the church.They are all there, ""No, Jesus died."" Then, bam! He burst through the door, crossed the aisle, everyone is excited. And by the way, that's where he invented the ""tope there! ""3 days.We wait three days to call a woman because it is the time that Jesus wants us to wait. True story. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," Okay. I promise. I will call not before three days. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," What was that? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," What? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," You made a noise. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," This is my laptop, a text message. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," Not that. You made the sound of the naked girl. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," What? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," When you see a naked girl, you make noise. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," That's not true. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," Really? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," Sorry, Lily. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," It's a breast. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," This is Holly who writes to you? You're not promised to wait three days? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," To call. Texting, it's different. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," Okay, just try to proclaim your sound of the naked girl. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," I make no noise. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," Really? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," Holly just told me what she wears. It's pretty exciting. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," Whatever it is, I guarantee you she do not wear it. She lies to please you. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," How do you know? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," Because no woman in history has never, ""asked to read architectural magazines in my old... uniform cheerleader. "" " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," Okay, maybe she's lying on the architectural magazines.No. This is bad. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," What? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," She just sent me a message clearly intended for someone else. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," ""Baby, I got to eat at Generro. I come home soon. ""Yes, it sounds bad, but thinking a little. It is perhaps for his brother or father who is ill. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," Come down. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," ""And then I want to... you to take me on the couch.""Maybe not a sick father. Father or a really sick... Right? Sorry. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," Hi guys! What is it? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," A meal that I Generro back to Lily. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," Bizarre. Holly sent a message to Ted talking about a meal Generro. A second. Band of bastards! " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," What? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," You are Holly! So Ted did not send messages to Holly? He sent to you? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," We knew he would try to call three days before, so I took his cell phone and changed his number from mine. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," We wanted to call the chopper too early, but then he... sent text messages. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," ""Piti texting""? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," Poor, little Ted. It should... He should say it estnous. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," Yeah. Or... it pretends to Holly and we are in the bath. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," It's better. It was funny. He should say that it is us. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," It should. Or... it is said that red is our favorite color and found the look ""cowboy"" sexy. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," It's better. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," I wear them right now and they are very sexy. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," He put the boots! " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," He bluntly put! It was great! But it's time to tell him that he wears. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," Or... we remove our shirts. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," It's better. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," Maybe that door below, a black bra with lace. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," I believe that wearing anything underneath. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," It is hot. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," There, he wears only cowboy boots! Here we go! " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," Too! Tell him we slowly drag our... What do we do? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," I think we'll... have sex with Ted. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," You did this all day? This is wicked. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," No, actually it was for his good. It protects it from itself. He really likes this girl. He had that look. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," The crazy eyes, ""I'm going too fast and I will f*ck up everything."" " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," The same he had with you the first time. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," We all know what it gave. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," I'm in love with you. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," What? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," I was a single case. This is not Holly Robin Scherbatsky. What is wrong with her hair? News Flash: detangling, it exists for not having a helmet. I'm so mean. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," It's been that Ted did not like someone. He stored much... We thought him to say ""I love you"" when he contacted her. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," And it's coming. It shows all the telltale signs. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," First: he jokes with the marriage. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," ""You like architecture? We should get married. Ha-ha.MDR. Just kidding. So what? "" " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," Deuzio: it's far too early suggestions crazy travel. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," ""I like beer. We should go to Germany. MDR. JP.MDR. "" " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," Third: it says too early personal things. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," ""My parents divorced two years there. It was really hard. MDR. "" " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," And he really knows not what means MDR. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," Yeah, but that's the problem. Ted did not say ""I love you"" as easily as we thought. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," And then we met Stan. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," So, he explained everything and once finished, there was something fascinating. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," Super Stan. Who is it? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," A guard who works nights. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," He eats here every day. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," And he had not finished. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," Far from it. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," It's... really nice. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," No matter. It's OK. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," You want me to send it to Ted. I knew it. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," I do not know... what comes to the bread here, but it touches me... here... and here. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," Well, if Ted does not say, I will. I love you. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," It is perhaps not in love with us. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," How is this possible? It's all there waiting! " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," I do not understand men. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," Do... you come back? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," That guy you fell in love. I hope his girlfriend is not jealous. He spoke of a friend or...? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," All was well until he sends a text message for Lily and ruins everything. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," It's okay. It's over now. I have to leave, but that's what happens: you call it now, tell him what you did and apologize.Got it? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," Yes. Or... " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," Holly explained everything to me, it was just a misunderstanding. All is well now. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," Really? How she explained the scope of texting? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," Apparently, his idiot friend of Marsha accidentally used his phone for a message to her husband Billy. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," Marsha and Billy. They are not trampled. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," And now I feel better than ever. It sounds crazy, but I think that I am attached to this girl. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," You cling to Barney and Marshall. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," What? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," They did not believe that you'd wait three days, so Barney has changed his number by that of his work laptop.Holly is Barney and Marshall. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," Wait. It was them all along? So Holly was not in his bath?Or sitting by the window, gazing at the stars thinking of me? Or on his couch cheerleader reading architecture magazines? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," I think they have done that. They were just at the bar. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," It's true. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," Yes, it was them. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," Incredible! " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," I know. You should tell them that you are not fooled. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," Or... I send them a text message that will really confuse them. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," I see. Why not: ""I have told anyone yet, but I only have three months to live""? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," Not bad. And: ""I k*ll a man with a shovel, and those feelings resurface""? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," I love this thing someone said about three months to live. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," ""I've never told anyone but I slept with the mother of my best friend. "" " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," It's good, but I think it comes down to trick the three months to live. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," Wait. I think I have. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," He replied! ""I probably should not tell you, finally, we barely knew, but never mind, I say it anyway. "" " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," That's it, man. This is the ""I love you."" " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," I would like Stan to be there. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," Stan. What? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," ""I sometimes have dreams about my gay best friend."" " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," ""I sometimes have dreams about my gay best friend. "" " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," Ted Why send text messages to a girl he barely knows, where he says he dreams about me gay? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," Easy. You? He speaks clearly to me. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," Dude, I'm his best friend. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," Okay, one: It has never been proven. Two: If anyone had any dreams about gays one of us would be on me! Finally, look at me. Now look at you. An octogenarian still in her closet would not be in this state. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," That's the trick. I hug you, no. Who would not want to cuddle in this case, on Sunday morning? Wrapped in the quilt while it is raining, and there are muffins in the oven. I'm cuddly, bitch. You must do. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," I train every day. One thing we know about Ted is that he likes a nice body. This body would vibrate. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," Ted and I, we lived. I know what he likes. There are things I can do it... he époustoufleraient Why do they sleep with Ted? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," I know. It's weird. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," Crazy, no? Ted had dreams about me gay. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," And by ""me"", he means Marshall Eriksen, star of Ted's gay dreams. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," So what? So Ted has gay dreams about one of you. It's not as if he had three months to live. It would... Shocking, no? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," Look at this guy. How is my best friend for 12 years? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," It's a bit weird, but... I had a strange dream yesterday. It's a bit embarrassing. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," You can tell us. This is a secure area. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," Your feelings are quite natural. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," That's what happened. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," Then at the end of the meal, Frank Gehry addition to the slides and IM Pei said, ""Friend, tonight is your name I Paye.""Buckminster Fuller was almost choking. And I woke up. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," That's it? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," No more dreams? Nothing disturbing or erotic? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," OK, what do you say that. You know that someday in the future, machines will rebel? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," Of course. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," So, the machines... k*ll everyone. And there are only you, me, and Barney. Who among us would you... you? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," And.. why should I ""make me"" one of you? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," Machines force you. They want to watch. That's how they erupt. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," It's hard. I imagine it would be... Holly. Robin told me everything. That's why I invented everything. Guys, here is Holly. And I have not waited for your precious three days to call. I knew where she was working so I found. Let me ask you? It was too early? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," Holly and I are going to dinner. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," Sorry. It was just trying to help you. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," And also, it was really funny. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Ted," I do not need help, OK? I can look after myself. And yes, maybe some girls do not like to be called away or they may say too, but guess what? These are not good for me. Maybe the good is the one that loves me to do that, because... this is who I am and I will not change because of a stupid rule of the Three Days. Holly spells his name with an ""I"". " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," You work right? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," Great! We can have fun! " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," Yes. " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," What... " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Marshall," Wait. You can not just sit there and have your date with us? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Barney," Yeah, it will be fun! Look, I'm kidding! It explodes! Do you like magic? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," You know their names? " 4x21 - The Three Days Rule,Robin," No, it's Marshall. Married to Lily. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," You know how to make crepes? That is so cool. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," And then there was Derek and counting you, that puts the total up to... " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Oh, I got your total...counting along... " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," You're scared of the Seven Dwarfs? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Just Doc. He's creepy. I mean, the guy went to medical school. What's he doing living with six coal miners? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Oh, man, I'm so excited. I couldn't sleep last night. I bet you guys couldn't either. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Why? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Ah, only the gala event for the grand opening of Sharper Image's 500th store. Didn't you get my email? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," No, I blocked your address after the fourth time you sent me the video of the monkey sniffing his own butt. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Come on, it's on me! I'm buying three of you foot massagers and one of you a nose hair trimmer. You know who you are. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Come on, let's go. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," All right, I'm in. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," To the Willowbrook Mall! " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall,"Ted, To the Willowbrook Mall! " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Oh, it's at a mall? I'm not going. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," What? Why not? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," I just don't feel like going to a mall. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," We can split a cinnabun. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," No, I'm really not gonna go. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Come on, it'll be fun. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," No, I don't go to malls! Sorry, I just don't like malls. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Why not? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," I'd rather not say. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Guys, guys, guys, Robin doesn't like malls. If she doesn't want to tell us why, she doesn't have to. I think we should all just respect her privacy. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Thanks Ted. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," So, what's the deal with you and malls? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," You said if I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't have to. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Yeah, with those people. I'm your boyfriend. Come on, what is it? Did you get arrested in a mall? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," No. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Dumped in a mall? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Ted. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Found out you were Canadian at a mall? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Let it go. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Trapped under a fake boulder at the mall? Robin: Let it go. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Trapped under a fake boulder at the mall? Let it go. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Mauled at the mall? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted,"Robin: Let it go. And who gets trapped under a fake boulder at the mall? Not me in Ohio when I was nine, that's for sure. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Let it go. And who gets trapped under a fake boulder at the mall? Not me in Ohio when I was nine, that's for sure. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," What, I don't get it, why won't Robin tell me why she hates malls? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Ted, you should be happy Robin has a secret. The more you learn about a person, the better chance you have of hitting the fatal 'oh' moment. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," The 'oh' moment? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Yeah, that moment when you find out that one detail about a person that is going to be a deal breaker. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Oh. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Oh. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Oh. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," So, trust me, you want to postpone knowing anything about each other for as long as possible. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," I disagree. If there's some potential 'oh' moment, I want to know about it right away. I mean, what's the alternative? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," I love you. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," I used to be a dude. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," Yeah, I agree with Ted. In a real relationship, you share everything. That's why Marshall and I don't keep any secrets. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," You are such a cutie pie. Here's a quarter, go play something on the jukebox. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," It's true. They tell each other everything. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," I can think of tons of things there's no way Marshall told you " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," Try me. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Do you know about the time the Marshall was in Trenton? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," Doggie ate his pants. Yep. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Bill's bachelor party in Memphis. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," Oh, when they had to pump out all the nickels from his stomach? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," OK, Seattle. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," Trick question, Marshall's never been to the Pacific Northwest because he's afraid of Sasquatch. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Damn. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," I'm not afraid of Sasquatch. I just think we should all be on alert. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Trust me, not only do they tell each other everything. They want to know everything. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," So, after the shower, I was brushing my teeth, and I was like, oh man, I wanted to have some orange juice, I should have done that first, but I already had the toothpaste on the toothbrush so I just went ahead and brushed them anyway. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," What happened next? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Yeah, meanwhile, Robin tells me nothing. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Fine, do you want to know what Robin's secret is? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," You know? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Of course I know. She couldn't look at us. Her face got flushed. That's shame. Our friend, Robin, used to do p*rn, wait for it, ography. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Yeah, we didn't really have to wait for that. And it's ridiculous. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," I don't know, he could be right. She does have the fake orgasm noises down. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Hey. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," What? The walls are thin. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," That's not what I'm hey-ing you about. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," You know what it might be. This is gonna sound a little crazy but what if robin's married? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Married? What does have to do with the mall? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Well, maybe she got married at the mall. Back home in Minnesota a ton of people would get married at the Mall of America, it's great. It's a gorgeous indoor golf course for pictures. Numerous fine dining options, and talk about a reasonable price... " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," We're not getting married at the mall. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Just meet with the guy. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," She's not married. Robin hates marriage. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Because she already got married, at the mall. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," No, because before Robin moved to New York, she...What was she doing? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Well, I don't know, whenever I ask her about Canada, she kinda clams up. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," She's a pretty private person. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," Except when she's talking about... " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," A friend of mine in Canada got married way too young and it really turned her off to marriage. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," What do you think of this wedding cake? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Oh, I like it. Hey, you remember that friend of mine in Canada who got married too young? Her wedding cake was a Mrs. Field's giant cookie. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," No. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," My friend in Canada who got married way too young, they had to do their vows twice, once in French. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," They speak French there too? God! That place is a mess. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," So, you don't think there's any friend from Canada? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Oh, I'm sure there is. Just like I have a friend who wet his bed till he was ten. Use your brain, Ted. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Guys, there's not way Robin's married. It's ludicrous to even suggest it. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Thank you Barney. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," 'Cause it's p*rn. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," I need another beer. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Robin is not in p*rn. I'll bet you anything that she's married. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," 20,000 says it's p*rn. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," I don't have 20,000. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Well then, what do you have? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Well. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," No. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," I got it. The ultimate wager. Slap bet. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Oh, slap bet. We used to do those when I was a kid. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," What the hell's a slap bet? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Whoever's right gets to slap the other person in the face as hard as they possibly can, but no rings. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall,"Lily: Are you really gonna do that? That's so immature. You can be Slap Bet Commissioner. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," Are you really gonna do that? That's so immature. You can be Slap Bet Commissioner. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," Oh, I love it. What are my powers? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney,"Marshall: Um, if a problem arises and we need a ruling, that's your job. But you have to be unbiased and put the integrity of slap bet above all else. This is an honor you will take with you to your grave. On your tombstone, it will read ""Lily Aldrin, caring wife, loving friend, Slap Bet Commissioner."" " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Um, if a problem arises and we need a ruling, that's your job. But you have to be unbiased and put the integrity of slap bet above all else. This is an honor you will take with you to your grave. On your tombstone, it will read ""Lily Aldrin, caring wife, loving friend, Slap Bet Commissioner."" " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," And your tombstone will read, ""got slapped by Marshall so hard, he died."" " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," All right, what if I ask Robin point-blank if she has a husband? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," You said you would respect her privacy so maybe you should just drop it. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Yeah, you're right. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Husband. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," There's no 'p' in husband. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Wow, you seem to know a lot about husbands. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Fine, I'll take it back. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Oh, hey, since you mentioned husbands, this is great, you're gonna love this. Marshall, you know Marshall. He thinks that the reason you didn't wanna go to the mall the other day is because you got married in a mall and have a husband in Canada. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Huh. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," I told him he's crazy because he's crazy, right? I mean, how crazy is that? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted,"Robin: Are you asking me if I'm married? You can ask me. Nope, I'm not married. Your turn. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Are you asking me if I'm married? You can ask me. Nope, I'm not married. Your turn. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted,"Robin: What happened to respecting my privacy? Just say, ""no, I'm not married."" " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," What happened to respecting my privacy? Just say, ""no, I'm not married."" " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Ted, I don't understand why you can't... " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Just say, ""no, I'm not married."" " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," I can't. Marshall's right. I was young and I got married. It was a mistake and he moved away, but, yeah, I'm married. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Oh. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," You have a husband? Robin: I was young and stupid and we got married at a mall and we broke up at a mall and I haven't been to a mall since. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," You have a husband? I was young and stupid and we got married at a mall and we broke up at a mall and I haven't been to a mall since. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Why didn't you get divorced? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," He moved to Hong Kong for work and I was like, good enough. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Good... good enough. That's not good enough. You order pancakes and you get waffles, that's good enough. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," I haven't seen him in years. It's just a part of my life I wanna forget. Just please don't tell anyone about this. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," OK. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Your hand is monstrous. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Well, what did you expect? You've seen my penis. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," I can't believe you told us Robin's secret. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," How can I keep something like that to myself? And you begged me to tell you. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," No I didn't. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," Please tell us, just tell us. I'm begging you. Tell us, tell us, tell us, please, please, please, please, please. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Fine, Robin's married. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Ha ha ha. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," Yeah, well, you still shouldn't have told us. I mean, what kind of boyfriend are you? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," See, that's just it. I'm not the boyfriend, I'm the mistress. No, not the mistress. The mastress. Master. What do you call it? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," I'm pretty sure we're gonna call is mistress. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," What am I gonna do? My girlfriend's married. Do I ask her to get a divorce? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," Ted, even if she is married, it's a Canadian marriage. It's like their money or their army. Nobody takes it seriously. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," It's serious to me. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," You know what, in some countries, if you've been separated for longer than five years, technicall, you're no longer married. I can check it out at the law library at school. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," I can see my hand print on your face. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Don't get too cocky, Slappy. I just got a shipment of p*rn from Canada I have to go through. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," I won the bet. Why are you still searching? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Just because you were right doesn't mean I'm wrong. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," Oh, right, like you need an excuse to watch p*rn. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Canadian p*rn. Trust me when I tell you their universal health care system doesn't cover breast implants. If I have to sit through one more flat-chested Nova Scotian riding a Mountie on the back of a Zamboni, I'll go ""oat"" of my mind. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Hey. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Hey. Listen, dude, I gotta talk to you, but you gotta promise me that you won't tell Barney. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Fine, I won't tell Barney. What is it? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Robin's not married. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," What? Then, why would she tell me she was? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," I don't know but I cross-checked every record in Canada. There's no record of her ever being married. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," There must be some mistake. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," I promise you, she's not married. She's not great at parking legally either. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," So, she lied to me? What, what am I gonna do? I can't confront her 'cause then she'll know I told you. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," You gotta lawyer her. You gotta ask her a bunch of questions, try to trip her up, maybe make her feel guilty, whatever it takes to get a confession out of her. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Thanks for telling me your secret. It means so much to me that you could be so, what's the word I'm looking for, honest. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Thanks Ted. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Yeah, you know what's probably the best part about your honesty? How truthful it is. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," I say we just move on. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," In order for me to get total closure on this whole my-girlfriend-has-a-husband thing, I think I'm gonna need a little bit more information. Like, what month did you get married? Robin: June. We had a June wedding. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," In order for me to get total closure on this whole my-girlfriend-has-a-husband thing, I think I'm gonna need a little bit more information. Like, what month did you get married? June. We had a June wedding. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Ah, Canada in June. That's great. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Sit down or buffet. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Um... " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Whoa. It's weird that you don't remember. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," No, I just didn't know how to answer because we did butlered hors deouvres in the atrium, but the actual dinner was a buffet in the food court featuring a filet mignon or roasted potato-crusted salmon with a lobster scallion ber blanc. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Hm. Band of DJ? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," String quartet played at the ceremony, but for the actual reception we had a seven-piece band. We paid extra for the sax 'cause I just love that smooth alto sound. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," How many bridesmaids? Robin: Seven. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," How many bridesmaids? Seven. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Flowers? Robin: Azaleas. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Flowers? Azaleas. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Color scheme? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Dusty rose and sienna. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Husband's name? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Um. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," You were never married. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Yes I was. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," No you weren't. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," How do you know? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," I looked it up at the library. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," What library? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," The one on 5th. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," When did you go? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Today at lunch. And I had a an apple brie panini with potato salad.... " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," I'm not questioning the lunch part, Ted. What database did you use? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," I used the Canadian Mall Marriage 6000. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Fine, Marshall looked it up in school. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," You told Marshall? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," You lied to me! " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," See, this is why I don't tell people secrets. You were supposed to be the one person I trusted the most and even you couldn't keep a secret. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," But it was a fake secret. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Yeah, I was testing you and you failed, and now you're never gonna know why I never go to the mall. And it's good too. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Testing me, that's insane. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Oh yeah, how long did it take for you to tell Marshall my biggest secret in the world? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," That wasn't a real secret. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Yeah, but it could have been. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," You are driving me crazy. No wonder your fake husband moved to Hong Kong. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," He moved there for business. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," You, you got something to say to me? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney,"Marshall: What are you talking about? I know Robin was never really married. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," What are you talking about? I know Robin was never really married. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," How could you possibly know that? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," And then I put on my pajamas and got into bed. What about you? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Uh, let's see. Uh, first, I took the subway to school, and I got a bagel. Then I went to the library and found out Robin was never married. Crazy. And then I was hungry again so I went down to the vending machine... " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," You told him? Lily: I had to. I'm Slap Bet Commissioner. Baby, this hurts me more than it's gonna hurt you. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," You told him? I had to. I'm Slap Bet Commissioner. Baby, this hurts me more than it's gonna hurt you. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Don't count on it. I've been practicing on a tree trunk. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," Barney gets three slaps. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Three? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," One because you lied. And two for being prematurely slapped. Three slaps. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Oh my God. Are you gonna cry? Marshall: No. You're gonna cry. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Oh my God. Are you gonna cry? No. You're gonna cry. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," I just don't think it's healthy to keep big secrets in a relationship. My parents didn't really talk to each other for thirty years and now they're divorced. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," I have shared more of myself with you than I have ever shared with anyone. I'm asking for this one secret, which has nothing to do with us, to just be mine. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," So I just got a very interesting phone call. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," What are you talking about? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," I know Robin's secret. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," What? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," That's right, I know your secret, Robin. Or should I say Robin Sparkles? Robin: How do you know that name? 'Cause I know the truth. And I am about to show it to you right now. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," That's right, I know your secret, Robin. Or should I say Robin Sparkles? How do you know that name? 'Cause I know the truth. And I am about to show it to you right now. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Gather around, Ted, you're gonna wanna see this. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Yeah. No I don't. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," What? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Robin wants to keep this a secret so it's gonna stay a secret. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Yeah, it's not gonna stay a secret. You see, in my research, I came upon a certain gentleman in Malaysia who is in possession of a certain video tape. He just emailed me that it will be up and running on MySpace in about, right now! " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Robin's world is about to be turned upside-down. I mean, I'm guessing. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Barney, don't, okay. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Robin, please don't panic. I'm only going to show enough to prove to Marshall that I was right. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," No, Barney, I said we're not watching this. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," No, it's time. Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do but if it's out there, there's no point in trying to hide it anymore. Let's just watch it and be done with it. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," Are you as terrified as I am? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," I don't wanna get slapped again. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," I wanna stress that I was young. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Yeah you were. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," And I didn't know any better. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," They never do. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," And it started out as an innocent modeling job. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," It always does. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Oh my God. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Well, obviously, I've been proven right, so in the interest of Robin's dignity, I won't show anymore. Plus, it's getting late. It's already slap o'clock. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," What the hell was that? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," I slap bet Marshall that you did p*rn, so I win. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," p*rn? I wish it was p*rn, it would be less embarrassing. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," I was a teenage pop star in Canada. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," That's you? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Yes. I had one minor hit. I had to go all over Canada and sing this song in malls. For a whole year I lived off of Orange Juliuses and Wetzel's Pretzels. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," This is the 90's. Why does it look like 1986? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," The 80's didn't come to Canada till like '93. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Taking a break from the first of many viewings, I can't help but notice that this isn't p*rn. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," And yet a slap occurred without the permission of the Slap Bet Commissioner. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Looks like someone suffered from premature slapulation " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Oh my God, Robin's rapping. Guys, Robin's rapping. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," OK, I'm going to give you a choice. Either ten slaps right now in a row or five slaps that can be doled at any point from here to eternity. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted,"Marshall, Cool. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Go with the 10 now. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," No, wait, why get 10 when you can get 5? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Yeah, but the constant fear of knowing that at any moment you can get slapped in the face would drive you crazy. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," I'm gonna go with the five for eternity. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Good call. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Horrible call. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," Relax, dude, I'm just going for my soda, man. Take it easy. This is gonna be fun. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Lily," So, just to be clear, you wanted everybody to go to the mall today? " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Wow, we're gonna watch this a lot. Robin: I even wore a bedazzled jean jacket. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Wow, we're gonna watch this a lot. I even wore a bedazzled jean jacket. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," Hey, just so you know, 16-year-old me would have been all over you. You could have been the girlfriend in Canada I told everyone I had. Hey, I'm really sorry I pried this out of you. I probably should have left it alone. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," You know what, you know me better now. That feels kinda nice. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney,"Lily, Marshall, Aw. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," That's one. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Barney," Did you have to laugh like that every time? Robin: Yes. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Robin," Did you have to laugh like that every time? Yes. " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Marshall," The robot! Hey! " 2x09 - Slap Bet,Ted," No, she doesn't wanna wait. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"That security guard was a little bit handsy. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"That's funny. She barely touched me. Uh, Gate 23. Come on. If we miss this flight, I will never forgive myself. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Hi, wait, two more. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Well, I'm sure if we pull real hard we can open them. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Please, if-if I miss this flight, I'll miss the chance to interview for my dream job. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"His dream job! Didn't you ever have a dream job? Something from when you were a little girl, that was all you wanted to do? I mean, for God's sakes, I'm sure you didn't go to bed at night dreaming about being a... I mean, uh... This is a cool job. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Please, I have to be on this flight. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Thanks. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Your uniforms are pretty. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Great, please let us know as soon as you hear anything. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Normally, I'm incredibly responsible. I just had to go to court this morning and get sentenced. Not that I'm a criminal or anything. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"That thing better have call waiting. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Could you just call the firm and explain what happened? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"It's down to three people and I know they need to make their decision today. I sort of feel my not showing up might put me at a disadvantage. I'm so stupid. Why did I have to jump that turnstile? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. And isn't this whole thing really Barney's fault? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Oh, Marshall, how's the broken toe? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"Oh, man, it k*ll. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"You want some aspirin, baby? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"You know I don't believe in pain k*ll. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Wow, your first broken bone. Kind of k*ll your whole ""Unbreakable"" theory. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"Marshall used to think he was indestructible. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"Well, it added up. I've never broken anything. I've never been sick, and when I need to, I can summon incredible strength. Ted, tell her the story of the really heavy door. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"There was a really heavy door. He opened it. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"On one pull. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Well, you must be really bummed, you're not gonna be able to run tomorrow. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"Yeah. It sucks, all that work I put in training for the marathon was a total waste. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"Training for a marathon. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"What? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"You don't need to train for a marathon. You just run it. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"You're kidding, right? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"Not at all. I could run a marathon anytime I wanted to. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"So like tomorrow, you think you could wake up, roll out of bed, and just run the New York City Marathon? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"Absolutely. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Barney, we're talking about 42 kilometers. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Thanks, Canada. I'll take it from here. Barney, it's like 26 miles. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"Here's how you run a marathon. Step one, you start running. There is no step two. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,": " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"50 bucks? Gee, Grandpa, if I win, maybe I can buy myself an ice-cream cone. Make it $10,000. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"You have a gambling problem. You'll bet me 50. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"Fine, then no bet. Okay, $50. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"Each runner gets a tracking chip so you can follow them online, see when they pass certain checkpoints. Barney's got mine in his shoe. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Ooh, he's starting! " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"This ought to be good. Wow. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"This tracking thing is amazing. When we get married, you're getting one of these. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Wow. Look at his time. It's pretty impressive. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"He's gotta be cheating, okay. He knew we'd check. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Yeah, he'll do anything to win a bet. Remember that time he bet me that Men at Work sang ""Hungry Like the Wolf,"" and when he found out that they didn't, he tried to hire them to? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"Well, it looks like, ""Barney"" should be coming over the Queensboro Bridge and up First Avenue within the next hour or so. But... there is no way that that's really him. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"It's really him. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"Hey! That's mine. Yeah, you'd better run! " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"What up, non-finishers? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Wow. Very impressive, Barney. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"Right? Yeah, my time would have been like a half an hour better, but I met this total hottie on Mile Seven. We took a quick detour and had our own mini marathon behind a Nathan's. I won. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"I'm not sure anyone in that story is a winner. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"So where's my 50 bucks? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"All right. I got to admit, you earned this. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"Huh? Can't believe they haven't made a coin for this yet. Anyway, I'm heading home. Might go hit the gym. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"Oh, hey, just so you know, uh, all marathon runners get to use the subway for free today. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"Wow. You know I really should check out this ""subway."" Heard so much about it. Wow. Look at me. Slumming it. Maybe I'll make a weekend out of it and I'll call my bridge and tunnel girl tonight. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"You're dating a girl from New Jersey? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"No. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Hello? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"Ted, it's Barney. Listen to me, I need you to come and pick me up on the subway. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"What, what are you talking about? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"I was sitting here, totally minding my own business. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"Finisher. Yeah, you know what I mean. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"My legs don't work. I've already ridden the subway twice end to end. I've seen where it turns around. Ted, you don't ever want to see where the subway turns around. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,": " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"Best 50 bucks I ever spent. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"Listen to me, Ted. I'm going to lose you any second. I'm on the fourth car of the six train heading south from Pelham Bay Park in the Bronx. Meet me at the 86th Street station in, like, half an hour? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"All right. I'll be right there. Stay where you are. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"Ted, Ted. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"I'm sorry. I can't. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Barney?! " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"Ted! " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"No...! " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"See? If Barney never tried to run the marathon, you never would have jumped that turnstile, you wouldn't have had that court date today, and we would have made this flight. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"You're right. Everything can be traced back to him. Like that rash we all got at Christmas. I have to see what's going on. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Really? That's great! " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Okay, what about our flight? Can we get on? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"What? No, n-n-n-no, n-no. I have to be in Chicago today. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Well, he never even called you back? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"What was the name of the airline again? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"I think it was something like Flights R' Us. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Was the ""R"" backwards? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"God, I hope not. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Geez. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Stupid smart carts. More like dumb carts. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"If we miss this flight, it's all Barney's fault. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"You know, Barney never would have run the marathon in the first place if Marshall hadn't broken his toe. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Yeah, so? What, you think this is my fault? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"My pants are starting to feel a little tight. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"Oh, that's okay. I love that cute little belly. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"I cannot allow this. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"What? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"I am going to run the New York City Marathon. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"""It is important to load up on carbohydrates two to four hours before a big run. Try a breakfast of a bagel, a banana, oatmeal, strawberries and some orange juice."" Here you go, Marshmallow. Just like the book said. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"Yeah, but from now on, I'm eating all of my breakfast runner-style. Liquids are digested faster. That way, no energy is wasted, and it's all about the run. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"""Don't forget to give yourself plenty of positive reinforcement."" " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"This is gonna be your best run yet. You're going to accomplish all of your goals. You are a robot sent from the future to win the marathon! You are... Marshall. You are... Marshall. You are Marshall! Yeah! " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"""Chafing or blisters can occur in a number of areas, including the feet, armpits, or even the nipples. Try using some petroleum jelly on the affected areas."" " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"Oh, gosh! Dude, you are a terrific runner. Tomorrow you're gonna run and finish the New York City Marathon! You're the best. You look good. Nobody does it better than you. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Marshall? Oh, my God! " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"So, yes, it was your fault. I mean, if you don't show up at the apartment in the middle of the day, Marshall doesn't break his toe, Barney doesn't run in his place, I don't jump the turnstile and get a court date, and we make our flight in plenty of time! " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"That really wasn't my fault. I wouldn't have walked in on " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Hey, what's going on here? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Oh, looks like they're camping out for something. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Yeah, but for what? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"I don't know. Usually there's a Stormtrooper or Klingon in line to give you some indication. ""Annual wedding dress blowout. Designer sample dresses up to 90% off. Doors open tomorrow, 8:00 a.m."" " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Oh, my God. Can you believe what some nut bags will do to save a few bucks? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"We have to camp out. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Are you serious? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"You don't understand. This is an amazing sale. I've heard about it before, but I never knew where it was. We'll have a wedding dress campout. It'll be fun. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney," " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"What thing? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Barney,"A penis. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"This is the place. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"Oh, wow. Badgley Mischka! Melissa Sweet! Vera Wang! Oh, Robin, do you have any idea what you guys stumbled onto here? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"You said wang. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"Oh, this reminds me of the ticket line to Lilith Fair, 1998. Only fewer mullets. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"You should feel good. You're only, like, the tenth craziest bride in New York. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"Ooh, this is comfy. We might actually be able to sleep. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"That's kind of annoying. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"Well, I'm sure somebody will be out here to turn it off any minute. ( " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"It's gonna be okay, sweetie. Why... Why don't we make a game out of it, okay? Why don't we sing along? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"If we get through this, I swear I'm gonna live my life differently. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"I just want to tell my parents I love them one more time. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Lily,"It's him. It's the car guy! " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Get out of here! " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Marshall,"Nobody does it better than you. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Marshall?! Oh, my God! " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"So if Lily hadn't dragged me down to the wedding dress store, we would have made the first flight. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Oh, thank God. The doors are still open. We made it. Hi. Please. We really need to get on this flight. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Yes, yes, I am. I can't believe you recognized me. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Would you check to see if you have any more seats? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Robin... " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin," " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"God, it is so nice to meet a fan! And I would be a fan of your work if you could get us two seats on that next flight. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Would it help if I got on and gave an impassioned speech about my destiny? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Okay, so we agree? This goes back to Lily wanting to camp out for a wedding dress? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"No. Wait. It goes back further. Remember why we were eating hot dogs on the East Side? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"1939?! This penny's from 1939! " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Oh, so was my grandfather, but that doesn't make him interesting. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Look, I know a little something about coins, and this baby is worth something to a collector. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"No, it's not. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Yes, it is! You know what? I'm gonna take you out to dinner with the money I get for this little guy. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"You're lucky there's still a place that serves anything for a dollar fifty. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Hey, that's 150 times its original value. Actually, the meal was only $1.49. 1984. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Hey, in 50 years, we can get dinner again. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"How dare you. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Hey, what's going on? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"I don't know. Looks like they're camping out for something. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Yeah, but for what? " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"It was me. I started this. If I hadn't picked up that penny, we wouldn't have gone to get hot dogs all the way across town. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"And we wouldn't have seen that wedding dress store, Lily wouldn't have wanted to camp out there, and I wouldn't have needed a nap at your apartment the next day. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Marshall wouldn't have broken his toe. Barney wouldn't have run the marathon. I wouldn't have jumped that turnstile, gotten arrested, had that court date... " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"And we would have made our flight. I don't think we can go back any further than that unless you know who dropped the penny. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"I wish I did. Though that person's already been punished enough, losing a sweet penny like that. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"Oh, please tell me you have some good news. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"All, right, well, thanks for trying. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Ted,"I can't believe this. That's it, it's over. " 2x15 - Lucky Penny,Robin,"Ted, come on. Your destiny just wasn't to make it to Chicago today. Anyway, if that firm really wants you, they'll reschedule. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"Vintage rolltop desk here. I haven't decided whether to put the fern on the right or the left side, but you know, sometimes you just gotta wing it. Right? Left side. Oh, and right outside, I want to put up a basketball hoop for the kids. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Ted. This is your seduction lounge. Sex swing there, vibrating Jell-O pit right there, rotating Vietnamese Shame Wheel right here. Don't ask; you're not ready. And that basketball hoop? Outdoor stripper pole. We'll just tell the ladies to be careful in the winter. You think a tongue stuck to a frozen pole is bad... " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"Hey. Barney, let's go outside for a second. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Oh, thank God. I'll go first. Ted, this hous you bought for your hypothetical family is super weird. We talk about it all the time behind your back. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"Yeah. This intervention isn't for me. It's for you " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"Barney, I can't believe your giant TV is broken. It's March Madness. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"Okay, uh, I think I see what the problem is. Barney, can you grab me a screwdriver? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Sure thing. Luis. Barney Stinson, 12 H. I got a hundred bucks if you can be here in five. Thanks. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Yeah... here's the thing about me and tools... the only one I know how to use is attached to me, and I am not going to try putting it in the TV. Again. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"Okay, that's ridiculous. Everyone should know how to use tools. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Well, here's our screwdriver now. ( " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Dad? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"I can't believe Barney is talking to his dad right now. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"Yeah, what do you say after three decades of not seeing each other? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"Okay, now I feel bad about making fun of him for the tool thing. My dad was the one who taught me all that stuff. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"Well, to be fair, everyone has some glaring gap in knowledge, something really obvious you somehow never learned. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"Okay, but a screwdriver? Come on, I don't have any gaps that fundamental. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"Really? I seem to recall... " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"Daniel Burnham was an architect whose ever-shifting style and aesthetic made him a true architectural chamma-leeon. And only the most gifted chamma-leeon could've designed classic beaux arts masterpieces right alongside sleek modern flatirons. His name might as well have been Daniel Chamma-leeon. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"Betty, I'm pretty sure it's pronounced ""chamma-leeon,"" so... Class dismissed. No homework. For a while. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"Okay, I learned that word by reading it. That's how I've always pronounced it. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"Ted, that wasn't easy. It took a lot of ""ch-aracter"" to admit that. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"Okay, Scherbatsky. You want to tussle? I'll tussle. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"You want to tussle? Let's tussle. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"Marine biologist. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"Please, no. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"Seriously? The North Pole? Okay, pal, if you want to break up with me, just tell it to me straight. Don't pretend you're going someplace we all know doesn't exist. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"Of who? Santa's elves? Rudolph? You know what? I'm going on a trip, too, Scott. It, uh, starts in Narnia. It works its way up to Candyland, and then, hey, congratulate me, because I'm the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts. Expelliarmus! " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"So... you want to get pizza later? Or... " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"I still think about him in the shower. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"Hey. Tell us everything. How'd it go, bud? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Where do I begin? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Yeah. I think I need a drink. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Look, it's been 30 years. And now you just show up out of nowhere? This is... this is going to take me a minute. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"I love you, Daddy. I'm so glad we're best friends now. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Make a muscle. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Ah! " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Guys, my dad's awesome. He's the mother of all fathers. Check this out. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Hey, back when I was a kid, you used to be a roadie. Do you still do that? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"So, all these years, there's this one question I've been dying to ask him. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"Why'd you wait so long to contact me? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"You've hurt me before, why should I trust you now? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Do you... get laid a lot? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Oh, my God, that took you five seconds. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"You're a master. You are legen... wait for it... " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,":...daddy! Legendaddy! The man is a god. And he's still out there, living the dream. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Oh, that's cool. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"This is going to be the second-most fun I've ever had on an Asian leg. (both laughing) " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"What do you mean? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"Well, this guy has flaked out on your whole life. It sounds like he just might be telling you what you want to hear. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"Barney, we just don't want to see you get hurt. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"First of all, Robin, my dad could beat up your dad. Second, you don't have to worry. He's cool. Now if you'll excuse me... I have to go renew my passport, and get a travel-sized rotating Vietnamese Shame Wheel. Don't ask; you're not ready. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"I hope Barney's dad isn't just pretending to be something he's not, you know? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"You have gaps, too, Lily. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"Hey, Lily, can you toss me a beer? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"You have terrible aim. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"Lily, at our apartment, you're the one who pees on the floor. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"Oh, my God. Barney's dad. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"Yeah, but... aren't you supposed to be off managing some tour in Australia? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"I'm not sure how to start this. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"I think I need a drink. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Glen McKenna, neat. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Milk? Oh, you're taking it easy. Crazy night? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Wow. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Hey, um.. When I was a kid, you used to be a roadie. You still do that? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Yeah, no, I get it. Um, but when I was a kid, you... you were this total badass. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Yeah, okay, now we're getting to the good stuff. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Yes, yes, yes. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"*Out of control.* " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"You ever bang Stevie Nicks? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Big-time. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Oh, my God, you're a natural. Think of the pickup plays we can run as a father-son duo. There's the ""Father Knows Breast,"" there's the ""Bush Dynasty,"" the ""Lick Father, Lick Son."" " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Why? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"You're all wearing matching sweaters. That's cute. Look, I got to get going, Jerry. But, uh, this was great. Glad we did this. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"What? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"You're having dinner with him tonight. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"No, I most certainly am not. Look, I met him. He's not my kind of bro and that's that. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"Are you sure it's not more than that? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Guys, get it through your heads. I am never gonna talk to my dad again. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"No, Barney. I'm never gonna talk to my dad again. But your dad is alive and he lives just down the road. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Fine, I'll go. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"Awesome. Um, Lily, keys. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Oh, thank you very much. And I love your...coat. I love your coat. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Well, I do love it. It's doing a nice job covering up that chair. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"Hey, I got an idea how to pass the time. A little trivia game. Robin, reindeerreal or fake? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"Okay, I'm not an idiot. Reindeer are obviously f... re... fake? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"Yikes! I'm surrounded by a bunch of dum-dums. Good thing I don't have any gaps in my knowledge. I am perfect. Oh, for the love of God, guys, enough already. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"You've been treating me with kid gloves ever since my dad died. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"That's not true. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"I'm sorry. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"I first noticed it at the bar. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"Hey, Lily, ( " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"It ages well, that's the thing. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"You guys like my new soul patch? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"Righteous hair tab, brotha. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"And once I figured it out, I started doing crazy stuff to see how far you'd let me go. [...]Hey, guys. This is Rex. He's a possum. I found him in the trash. He lives with us now. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"Lily, we are living with a possum. Rex is violent and he hates us. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"Please. If you guys really want me to get over the worst tragedy of my life, I'm begging you, tear me a new one. But not like Rex tried to in my sleep last night. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"I do remember that. I climbed up on that dude's lap and told him what I wanted for Christmas. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"J.J., I'm talking to Dad right now. God. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"Seriously, it's time. What are my gaps? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"Well, I guess maybe one gap you have is... you can't wink. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"Don't you think that maybe we should go home and, uh, ""do the laundry"" " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"Ooh, ooh, I got one. You think John Kennedy and Jack Kennedy are the same person " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Yeah, I do. I make a ton of money. How much do you make, J.J.? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Oh, well, huh, now we all know you make excuses. I was talking about money. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Good time to get into print media. Am I right, Dad? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Uh, you don't strike me as the athletic type, Jayj. Dad, check it. Triceps. What gym do you go to? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Sounds like you're having your fourth period. Am I right, Dad?! " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Why? J.J. started it. What does J.J. even stand for anyway? J... Jerky... Jerkface? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Jerome Jr...? Oh. He's... he's named after you. Excuse me. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"You always add too much water to oatmeal. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"Yes, I drown the son of a bitch. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Robin,"You consistently miss at least one belt loop. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"It's like I'm blind. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"Whoa. Whoa. Guys, my dad just died. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Marshall,"No, I'm just kidding. This is great. I really, I really missed this. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"This is mine. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"J.J. gets a childhood, a dad, a real family and a basketball hoop? No, no. I at least get the hoop. I'm taking it with me. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Why? Why should I? You're lame, okay? You're just some lame suburban dad. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Because if you were gonna be some lame suburban dad, why couldn't you have been that for me?! " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Oh, ""screwed up"" doesn't even begin to describe... " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Can you help me with this? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"Bye. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Lily," " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"I'm fine. Hey, Ted. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"Yeah, buddy. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"You, uh, still want a basketball hoop out there? " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Ted,"Oh, well, I also really liked your outdoor stripper pole idea. Yeah, it's fine. " 6x19 - Legendaddy,Barney,"No, you were right. A kid needs a hoop. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Yeah, that's right...a limo. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Oh, man, Ted, this is great. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Okay, people, let's talk strategy. Last new years, we went our separate ways, and it sucked. This year we party together or not at all. Now, I sifted through your party submission and I narrowed them down to these five. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Question? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Yes, Barney, your submissions were received and no, we will not be attending any parties in your pants. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"But you enjoyed the e-vite, right? Thas an actual picture of my pants. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Yeah. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"We will hit all five parties before midnight, and then narrow them down to one, the most awesome party in New York City and that is where we will ring, nay rock, in the new year. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"All right, and party number one that's where we get to meet Mary Beth? " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Mary Beth? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Oh, she works in my office. She seems like she might be into me. She's always finding reasons to hug me. So tonight... " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"People often ask me ""Barney, how is it that you're so psyched so much of the time?"" " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"By who? Who asks you that? " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"And the answer is right here... my own, personal ""get psyched"" mix. Now, people often think a good mix should rise and fall, but people are wrong. It should be all rise, baby. Now prepare yourselves for an audio journey into the white-hot center of adrenaline. Bam. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"It's working. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"I am definitely getting psyched. " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"Oh, God. I'm reaching dangerous levels of psychage. Must do robot. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Let's do this! " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Yes! Let's! Oh, driver? " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Ranjit! Dude, you're driving a limo now. That's awesome. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"How do you guys know each other? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Oh, we rode in his cab one time. It's a long story. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Hey, what are we waiting for? We got five parties to hit, and three hours to do it. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Oh, I wish I could come with you guys but Derek should be coming by any minute to pick me up. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Oh, I'll miss you guys. Have fun. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Bye. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"See ya next year. Go get 'em. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Well, this kind of sucks. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Okay, nobody get down. We knew this going in. We're a man down. That just means we're gonna have to party that much harder. Ranjit! Party number one. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Party number one! " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"I can't believe we're leaving a party that had pigs in blankets. If you think we can beat that, you got some brass ones. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Hey, we've got four more parties to hit. If party number one turns out to be the best, we'll just limo on back to it. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"We didn't really get a chance to meet. I'm Lily, and this is my fiance, Marshall. " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"My word. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"You're, you're friendly. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Oh, no. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"So, Barney, who's your new friend? " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Natalya. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"So, where are you from, Natalya? " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"She... Who knows? The former Soviet Republic of Drunk-Off-Her-Ass-Istan? " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Isn't she awesome? " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"How are your feet doing, baby? " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Okay, I love these shoes, but the pain-to-hotness ratio is pretty steep. Can we swing by the apartment, so I can change? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Come on, Lily, we have a tightly scheduled evening of awesomeness ahead of us. I need you to power through the pain. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Okay, Ted, but these dogs are really barking. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"It's true. I can hear them. What's that, little boys? What's that? You wanna go for a... rock? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Ranjit! Party number two. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Party number two? Not so good. " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"Let's go back to party number one. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"No, no turning back. Ranjit, party number three. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Oh, wait, wait, wait. We have to turn around. We left Natalya. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Barney, none of us really liked her. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"What?! " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Sorry. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Oh, very nice, Lily. You know, she is a guest in this country. So while you may chose to turn your back on her, I choose to turn my front on her. What up? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"I'm sorry about Barney. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Me, too. ( " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Ted, Derek stood me up. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Ranjit, turn it around. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Oh, God, I'm so sorry about this. You guys had your schedule and I screwed it all up. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"No, this is perfect. It's meant to be. We're all back together. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"What happened? " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Derek's stuck in Connecticut closing some deal. Who works on New Year's Eve? Okay. Now I feel worse. I was really looking forward to this night. This sucks. " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"Oh, dude, not now! " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"What? She needs to get psyched. Fine. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Maybe I should just go home. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"My finger slipped. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Look, Robin, you're not going home. Come on, it's New Year's Eve. Look, so your date fell through. So what? What do you need a date for? Someone to kiss at midnight? Fine. I'll kiss you at... a little bit after midnight. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Hi, I'm Robin. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"You're friendly. I haven't eaten dinner yet. Is there anything to eat in this thing? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"That's it. I know what you're jonesing for. Ranjit, take us to Gray's Papaya! " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Oh, yes. Ted, you rock. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"We couldn't go back for Natalya, a human being, but we do have time for hot dogs? " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"Yeah, we like hot dogs. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"No. No. We are already behind schedule. Ted, come on. We have an hour and a half before midnight I don't want to be kissing Ranjit. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Come on, it's only a 20-minute detour. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Which is exactly how much time I need. Ranjit, stop the car. " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"Wait. Baby, what are you doing? " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"I'm going home. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"What? No! " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"I can't stay in these heels any longer, I just can't. There's a cab over there. I'll just run back to the apartment and change shoes. " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"But... hot dogs. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Well, I know, baby, I'd love to go, but it's two against one. " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"Okay, I'll go with you. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"No, baby. Baby, you go with them and I'll meet you at, at... party number three. " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"Are you sure? " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"If I don't see you, happy new year. " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"Don't say that. We'll find each other. We'll find each other. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"I know we will. " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"Hell of a woman. Let's go get some hot dogs! " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Ranjit, party number three. " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"Oh, yeah! Look at us. Riding around in a limo. Eating hot dogs. It's like we're the president. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Hey. I'll bet you're feeling better now. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Oh, so much better. " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"Guys. Is that Moby? I think that that's Moby. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"No way. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"That's totally Moby. That's awesome. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Should I say something? I should say something, right? Moby! Hey, Moby! " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Oh, my God. He's coming over. Everybody be cool. Everybody be cool. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Hey. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"What's up? Uh, you, uh, going somewhere? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"You want a ride? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Welcome. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Big fan. Barney Stinson. So, uh... what about this party? " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Wow, that sounds awesome. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Yeah, we'd love to. " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"Uh, Ted. Sidebar? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Um... Moby, switch up, will you? Yeah, what's up? " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"What about Lily? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Call her. " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"I've been trying to call her. I can't get through. All the circuits are jammed. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"That's New Year's Eve for you. Well, look, we'll just swing by Moby's party and then afterwards... " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"No, I-I can't. Lily's waiting. I gotta... I gotta find her. Okay, I'll meet you at party number three. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"But... Come on! Moby's party! Moby's party! Moby's par... Ranjit. Moby's party. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Yes. Moby... Yeah, it should start high, get higher. This mix is my pride and joy. I never leave home without it. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Jan... Aah! " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"You're not Moby, are you? " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Moby... the recording artist, Moby. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"But when we said, ""Hey, Moby,"" you said, ""Yeah."" " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"So your name is Tony? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Nah. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"No, uh, we're good. We're good. Happy New Year, Not Moby. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Why did we think that guy was Moby? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"I don't know. I see a short bald hipster, my mind goes straight to Moby. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"That's Marshall's phone. Hello. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Oh, Marshall, thank God I got through. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Hey, sexy. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Barney, where's Marshall? " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"He left his phone in the limo. He's out looking for you. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"What? Where? " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Party number three. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Well, I'm here at party number three and... Oh, my God! Guess who just walked in... Moby! " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Moby?! She's upstairs. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Lily, you have to get out of there this instant. That's not Moby. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Uh, no, I know Moby and that's Mo... Does he have a g*n? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Run! Oh, my God, Not Moby's party is party number four. What are the odds? " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Who was that guy?! " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Well, we know it's not Moby and it's not Tony. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Ranjit, drive! " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Party number three! " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"No, but I was just at party number three. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"No, no, no, no you were at party number four. You must have looked at the list wrong. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Well, after that rather unpsyching experience, you know what it's time for? It's time to... what? That's right, re-psych. Re-psy... Where's the...? Oh, my God! Not Moby took my ""Get Psyched"" mix! " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Barney, Barney, Barney, it's not worth it! Let it go. We need to get back on schedule. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Ranjit, are you sure I can't help? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Okay Okay, not a problem. He'll jack it up, slap on a tire and we'll be at party number three in no time. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"I wish Marshall would call. I guess the circuits are jammed. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Yeah, you know why all the circuits are jammed because everyone's calling their loved ones, everyone around the world. Everyone except Barney. Oh, sure, laugh. Laugh for Barney Stinson. Laugh for the sad clown trapped on his whirling carousel of suits and cigars and bimbos and booze. Round and round it goes. And where's it all heading? Nowhere. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Is this just 'cause you lost your ""Get Psyched"" mix? " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"I'm sorry. Am I not allowed to have a pensive side? " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"No. No, not tonight. Not in the limo. We got to stay psyched. Ted went to a lot of trouble to make this an awesome New Year's. ( " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"*You give love a bad name* " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"*I play my part and you played your game* " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Ted and * " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"It'll be fine. We'll be out of here in a jiff. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"No. Look, I know this night isn't turning out the way I planned, but... " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"I'm not in love... We're just friends. Where are you getting that from? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"That's ridiculous. Wait. Really? " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"I can't believe Mary Beth left before midnight. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Oh, she just had to make an appearance at this other party. It's no big deal. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"The first time I rode in a limo I was five. I was on the way to my grandfather's funeral. I suppose, in a way, I still am. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Okay, wow, it's getting weird in here. I'm going to call Marshall. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"But he left his phone. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Marshall! Marshall! " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"I'm sorry about your girl. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Sorry about your guy. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Well, at least we both have someone to kiss at midnight. Did you forget about our little deal? Because I did not. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"I did not, too. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Derek. Hi. How's work? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"I'll give you some privacy. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Marshall! " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Okay, how's this for a plan? We start walking now, we get to party number three by 12:45. We celebrate the New Year in Central Standard Time. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Marshall! " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Give it a rest, Ted. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Give what a rest? " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Trying to turn this night into anything more than what it is, which is New Year's Eve which is the single biggest letdown of a night every single year. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Marshall! " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Come on, come on, we can still turn this thing around. We've still got ten minutes. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Stop trying to chase down some magical, perfect New Years, Ted. It doesn't exist. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Marshall! " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"Lily! " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Holy crap. " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Marshall! " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"I knew I'd catch up with you guys eventually. So much to tell. I couldn't find Lily at party number three so I walked... I walked to the next party on the list. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Not Moby's party? " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"Yes, Moby's party. Check it out. He signed my shirt. And guess what I found. Yeah, I heard it playing at the party, so I swiped it. Yeah, I know. Come on. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Come on! Oh! Oh! " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Baby, baby, I was so worried about you. Why didn't you call me? " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"I tried, baby. All the circuits were jammed. But wait, there's more. After party number four, I figured you guys went to party number five. And so I went there, too, and it is awesome. I want to cry, it is so awesome. We have to go there. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"How? We'll never get a cab. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Let's do this! Come on! In! Go, go, go! " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Natalya? " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Yeah, it turns out she was asleep in the front seat the whole time. Ranjit, why didn't you tell me? " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Party number five is 20 blocks away and all the way across town. Ranjit, can you get us there in eight minutes? " 1x11 - The Limo,Lily,"Move, you stupid taxi! " 1x11 - The Limo,Marshall,"Three minutes! " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Ranjit, put her in park. Dudes, I'm sure party number five is awesome, but it's not the best party in New York. 'Cause this is, right here. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Cheers. Well said. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Derek?! Derek. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Hey, uh, come on in. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"I can't believe you made it. " 1x11 - The Limo,Barney,"Here, you need a mint. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"What the hell, man? I thought we had a deal. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"What about your guy? It's midnight. Go kiss him. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Eh, he kept me waiting. I can keep him waiting. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Well, a deal is a deal. " 1x11 - The Limo,Robin,"Happy New Year. " 1x11 - The Limo,Ted,"Happy New Year. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," I heard a joke at work. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," Come on. She will not like it. It's funny for the guys, not girls. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," It's sexist! When it's funny, it's funny. Lily's cool. She'll love it. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," Do it yourself. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Lily," Tell it. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Ready? What is the difference between jam and Nutella? It's funny. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," For the guys. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," She will not like it. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Lily," Why do not I decide? What is the difference between jam and Nutella? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Lily," Yeah, I can not hang out with you. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Come on. It's funny. This is... " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," I told you so. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," She'll be back. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," Thank you. And thank you for letting me use the apartment. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," Yeah, sure. Anything you want. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," A little thing, do you mind to cut off the TV during labor? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," It's not work! " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," Sorry. It's just... I can not concentrate during the Wheel of Fortune... A penny saved is a penny, Helen! " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," I know you're nervous, but we must stop procrastinating. You've spent two days to choose the pen official Mosbius Designs. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," I've suggested! I removed the felt. I make fun of that? The felt is back. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," You know for layoffs? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," Yes, I know. I tag. Are you worried? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Are you kidding? I know one thing about this company. I will never be fired. It is likely that one day I was stranded on a beach with no footprints or teeth, but I will not fire. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," I would like to have your insurance. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," You just gotta find a way to make you absolutely critical. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," I work harder than anyone in my division. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Keep your job has nothing to do with being a hard worker. You need something. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," What do you mean something? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," You know, something that makes you funny and loved, as Marcus Denisco. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," I love Chow-man. They can not fire him. You know what I like about Chow-man? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," It's always food. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," It's always food. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," You see? You need it. You need that thing that makes you a man. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," I have this thing that makes me a guy. Maybe even a guy and a half. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Not this stuff. You know, something. Toy-like man. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," That's great! " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Claw tape! " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," I love Toy-man. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," You see? You need something. Youtube-like man. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," You're right. I need something. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," But choose wisely. You want to become the horrible man Massage. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," You filled it. Grub-man has a panna cotta in his office. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall,"Massage man, massaging the shoulders of Hi, dude. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," Hi, Douglas. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," I was relaxed, two seconds ago. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney,"Douglas, You're next. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," Who are you? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," What's going on? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," I would not refuse a cup of coffee. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," You're right next door! " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," So now Ted is assisted to do nothing. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," PJ is a great help. Install the desktop, create the Web site. And in return, I guide a young brilliant mind. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," Yes, the guide. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," I want you to go out today and... put your hands on the buildings. Okay? Sense the vibrations of the concrete. Listen to the stories that you tell the stones. And going to the cleaners. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," All right. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," This table just told me that you're an idiot. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," This idea of being a guide is to procrastinate the fact of calling customers. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," I do not procrastinate. I just want everything to be perfect, right? I have only one test. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," Okay, but PJ does not help. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," If Ted says that PJ is necessary to society, then PJ will go nowhere. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," You see? It is useful. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," PJ is a guy? PJ, this is not a hottie you f*ck? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," No, I guide him. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," A Guide. I guided a young, once. I made him my co-pilot. Then one day, he hired an assistant to work 3 meters from her room, which... Check it out... is not a hottie, proving he has never listened. You know how to call this type? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," Ted Mosby? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Maybe. I remember more. Because for me he is dead! PJ will receive a mail with a disruptive place, it should in any circumstances be three days and then send it to me. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," I thought of something to become indispensable.The Ecolo-man! Everyone loves recycling, eh? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Fired. What else you got? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," I have others. Ties-Fun-man. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Fired. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," Info-Unusual-man? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Did you know? Whether you're fired? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," Stretch-man? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," upside down Viré. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," The Monty-Python-man? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," We are the knights who say... You're fired. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," Wait! I ran a simulation league baseball in school. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Not bad. You got maybe something. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," Great! Great! I Simulates-man! " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Actually, you'll Sports-man. We have already Simulates-man. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Hi, Frank. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," Hello? Hello, PJ. Where are you? You're never late.You're mounted on the Empire State Building? Listen to the old lady. She knows stories. Take your time. Wait.""Ted Mosby House."" The call comes from within! This is not the Empire State Building. You can not sleep with my assistant. I try to work here, me. How did that happen? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," At noon, when you go to any walk of reflection, that leaves us time to spend together. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," Inspiration... do your work. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," Tell me, PJ, I have a question for you architecture.Ted's ass what taste? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," It's locked? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," Listen, PJ. And I want you to think seriously before answering. You tell me I can not go to the bathroom with me? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," Why does it excite me? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," There's billions of guys on Earth. Why do you sleep with him? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," When I leave the job, it is 5:30 am. Got an idea of guys I meet? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," So, you get up very early to discuss the European market? How is it? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," First, I know Simulates-man, this is a good match.Second, it must stop! If you distract PJ, you lose productivity. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," What productivity? You did not call a single customer. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," Once launched the website, printed brochures, and the choice of games at the business seminar, I will call. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," Seminar? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Sports-man. I heard people talking about your club. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," It's a bit harder than I thought. Registration fees, transaction charges penalty, I... keeps a lot of money. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," 60, 80, 100. $ 18 000 in cash. It's nothing. I'll bring it home and put them in a safe place. OK, walk down the street with money in his pocket. Not touch the money. It's so obvious. Be natural. The baby looks at me.Babies can smell money. It is known! I carry a lot of money! " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," Really, dude, I know not how long I'll keep. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Last week you were a waste that nobody was looking.Now you're Sports-man. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," A waste? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Last week! " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," This is Ted Mosby Mosbius Designs. How is the home office? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," Okay, until Robin sleeps with my assistant. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," This is our apartment. You let a cake on the counter, Mama's going to offer a slice. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," I've told you, commits a pretty assistant with whom you can sleep instead of hiring an assistant with whom Robin sleeps. Of course he'll sleep with her. It is the coolest on the planet. I am off topic! You're an idiot! This is my message!You're an idiot! An angry person, that's not enough! Marshall with me! " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," Dude, why are you so upset that Ted does not sleep with the people he hires? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Because it hurts! " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," How so? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," It hurts because I love... when Ted... layer with women. I am a very devoted friend! Lily is the only one I can talk. Tell him to talk to me. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," I'll try, but no warranty. She is still shocked by this joke. This joke. It tore our group, which turns the people I love against the other. Frankly, I would... I would like this joke is never entered our lives. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," It's funny anyway, right? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," It's very funny. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," Good news, PJ. The brochures just arrived. Great choice for coverage. I like that instead of one of my creations, you to choose that. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," You think so? Listen to PJ, the website is still not done.You're not even come to the seminar... In fact, I saw a sh**ting star... and you're late every day. Sorry, PJ. I must be concentrated. You're fired. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," You're fired. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," One more. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," Stop. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," I'll miss you too. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," You've already tired of him. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," It is driving me crazy. When PJ was working, he was sexy. The keeper of the key toilet. A sexy guy that says when you can go to the bathroom or not? It's the dream. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," ""It's the dream""? The dream? As mentioned by Martin Luther King? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," I have to stop, right? I know not break. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," Listen... Dude, I know. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," Yes, it's just... It's not really... that, you know? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," I feel it. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," But friends and others. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," My God, this is the worst break. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," If this is what you want, I totally understand. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," You see, Sports-man. People adore you. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," I can be more Sports-man. I'm going crazy! I keep receiving text messages, emails and calls in the middle of the night. Sometimes I even think that I follow. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," Seriously, it's over. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," No. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," Are you kidding? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," Are you kidding? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," Apparently, Robin and PJ are together again. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," You're kidding! " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," How are you? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," As Lily not speaking to me, I must tell you something.And it's not easy to say, OK? I... wait... 'm... wait... love...wait... of... wait... a... wait... some... wait... " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," I know you're in love with Robin. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," What? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," Lily told me. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," She told you? Great. I guess you marrez my back all this time. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," Actually, oddly, we both think you're meant for each other. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Really? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," It even tries to sit on the same side for you to sit side by side. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Really? This is so cute. But let's be clear. I do not like it, OK? It's just that... I miss when she is not there. I think about her all the time, I guess one day we will run towards each other in slow motion and I wear a suede jacket. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," Tell her how you feel? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," No. Perhaps. Ever. I know not. Listen... I just need to get rid of that idiot PJ. If Lily was there, she would know how to get rid of him. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," I can perhaps help you. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," You're not Lily. Lily is a diabolical puppet master, the subtle situations to achieve its ends. This is evil incarnate. You have the right. Cling to it. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," I was going to do my walk with wisdom. Want to go? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," I took the key to the toilet without asking. Are you gonna do? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Hire the kid as his assistant. He does all the work and you're still Sports-man. Evil incarnate, Eriksen. Evil incarnate. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," Are you okay? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," And if I did not think the books? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," Sorry? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," There is a history of architecture on a famous architect who designed the library. She was perfect. But every year, sinking a few inches into the ground. Obviously, the building was condemned. He forgot to take into account the weight of books. This box... it's just me. If I ever thought not to books? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," No one goes to the library, so you do not care of this type. And you must pick up the phone and call customers. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," The more I delayed the launch of my box, the more it can remain a dream and not something that I screwed up. It's like if I quit before it began. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," You wanna talk drop? I described as the perfect guy ""funny, intelligent, passionate, ambitious."" And apparently, I just... ""In my apartment."" You thought that you would have understood, now? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," Are you kidding? At 30, I had to have an insolent success, being married to the perfect woman, maybe a kid on the way. Instead, I'm just a guy sitting in his apartment, which is a competition look with his phone. And who loses. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," You can do it. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," Hello, Ted Mosby Mosbius Designs. I learn about your design needs, present or future. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," It looks good. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," I looked confident? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Robin," Now known as a real customer. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Ted," Great. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," Hey, Chow-man! " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," Hey, Toy-man! " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," Who's this guy? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," He is not here. I think we should leave. " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Marshall," Really? " 4x20 - Mosbius Designs,Barney," It's happened before. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," So, beeing married, different? Not different? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," It's the same. Mostly, except I think I might be getting carpal tunnel. My hands keeps cramping up. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," I think the whole point of getting married was that you didn't have to do that anymore. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," No, it's from writing all the thank you notes. Mostly. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Yeah. You're writing constantly. There's forms we have to sign, our death folders, thank you notes... " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Whoa. Whoa. What are death folders? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," It's this thing they recommend you do in case one spouse died unexpectedly. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," It's all the information your spouse might need all in one convenient location. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Yeah. Account info, important addresses, a letter to the other person, all that stuff. I'll get the next round. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Thanks. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," I am such a jerk. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Yeah. Wait, why? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," I didn't know that I was supposed to write a letter. All Lily's gonna find in that folder are a bunch of bank statements and a funny list of things to do with my ashes. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Marshall brownies. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," Number six. Yeah. Oh, God, I am a bad husband. No, uh, no, I'll just write, I'll write Lily a letter tonight, everything'll be fine. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," That's right. Unless... you die between now and then. Ooh. But, come on, that's never gonna happen. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Yes! There is one thing we can state with absolute certainly, it's that Marshall Eriksen is not going to die before writing that letter. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," No way at all. In fact, I dare God to smite down this perfectly healthy... " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I get it, okay, you guys know I'm a little superstitious, and you guys are trying to freak me out. Well, guess what? It didn't work. So, there. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," You guys are jerks! " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," I was just so uptight in New York, you know? I mean, down here everybody shares everything. It's like we're all one big shimmering ball of positive energy. I wonder if anyone's ever thought that before. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," A drum circle! They're different every time. Let's go watch! " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," And here I am at the drum circle. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Whoa. Are you topless? Ted, check this out. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Seen 'em. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Wow. It seems like a great trip. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," Oh, it was. I feel like the Robin who left is not the same Robin who came back, you know. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Wow. There's a lot of nude people in here. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," You haven't changed, Scherbatsky. You're a sophisticated, scotch-swilling, cigar-smoking, red-meat-eating, g*n-toting new yorker. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Just shoes and a shirt. That's a look. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," What you are not is a massage-giving, windsurfing, bongo-playing, teetotaling, vegan, peacenik, hippy like you soon to be ex-boyfriend, Gael. Back me up here, Ted. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," I'm just happy Robin's happy. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," Thank you. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Man, this is like ""Where's Waldo"" of exposed genitalia. Except that it's really easy to find Waldo. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," I'm evolved, and I'm enjoying living my life a little bit closer to the way Gael and I did in Argentina. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Please, vacation romances have an expiration date. Gael's got a ""Best if banged by"" sticker on him. Once your romance starts to stink, you'll dump his ass down the drain like sour milk and go back to being ""Unevolved Robin"", the one we actually like. Back me up here, Ted. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," I'm just happy Robin's happy. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," I'm telling you, within three days... " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Ooh, here he comes. Switched to big words. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Within a triad of solar periods, you'll recognize your dearth of compatibility with your paramour and conclude your association. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," My journey was transformative and I reassert my commitment to both the aforementioned paramour and the philosophies he espouses. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," This is all gonna returns to masticate you in the gluteals. Support my hypotehesis, Ted. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," I'm just jubilant my former paramour's jubilant. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," That guy... " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Yeah. That guy. Look at how easy he has it. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Well. You and me, we have to bend over backwards to get a woman to, well, bend over backwards. But that guy... every woman in the bar is hanging on his every slightly mispronounced word. And why? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," He's better looking than us. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," No. Because he's from out of town. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Mmm. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Yeah. Plus a*t*matic out, you're leaving in a couple of days. God, I wish we were tourists. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Yeah. Actually... You know where I've been meaning to visit? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Okay, okay. We're from a small town in the south of France. Our plane leaves sunday morning. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Uh, hey, uh, howdy, ladies. Hate to bother you. We seem to be a little bit lost. Would you happen to know which street the statue of liberty's on? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Oh. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Oh, it's right. And, thank you very... Uh, my name is, uh, Ignatius Peabody Nobel, from East Westerton, Missouri. And this is my friend... Ted. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Hi, Colleen. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Hi, Lindsay. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," So, hey, you-you ladies, been awful nice to us. What do you say... ah, never mind. No... " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Well, it's just we're leaving sunday morning. It sure would be nice to have some real New Yorkers show us around. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Yeah. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Well. Hotdog! Should we... you want to just meet here in front of Mac... MacLaren's pub? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Really? It doesn't seem that lame to me. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," I think it's cool. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," All right. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," I'm just saying it seems like a kind of bar a lot of cool people would hang out there. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Okay. All right. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," So, Gael, huh? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," Mmm. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Still going strong? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," Yeah. It's great. Amazing, fantastic, awesome. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Ooh, that's one too many. What's going on? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," Well, now that I'm home, I'm finding myself getting annoyed at things that I loved on vacation. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," Oh, so good. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," Ooh sofa! Ooh sofa! Sofa, sofa, oh... ooh " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," Ooh. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," Ooh. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," Laptop! Laptop! Laptop! " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," And you know what else? I'm still finding sand everywhere. I mean, we haven't been to the beach since Argentina. Where is all coming from? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Well, maybe you're just going back to the person you were before the trip. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," But I don't want to. I was so happy down there. No, you know what? I'm done complaining. I'm evolving. Just gonna go with the flow. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," Wow. Gael, you're peeing while I'm in the shower. Okay. Okay, old Robin would have been like, dude, ocupado. But now, you know what, I'm cool with it. Pee it up. In fact, when you're done, why won't you come in here and join me? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," Gael, there's some weird du.. Hello. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Oh, here. Will you sign this thank you note? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," Wow. Both sides. You wrote on both sides of a thank you note to my third cousin for a blender that you haven't even taken out of the box. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Wow, it's a really nice blender. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," Well, if you love that blender so much, why don't you just marry it. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," I can't. I married you. That's how we got the blender. What's wrong? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," Nothing. Nothing's wrong. What could be wrong? Except that when you die, I'm gonna find out that your parting words to comfort me for all eternity were ""Cancel Vogue"". " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," How can you open my letter? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," That was not a letter. It was barely even a text message. Next time you write something that short, at least have the courtesy to make it rhyme. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Marshall, wait. This was our first fight as a married couple. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," Oh, baby. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Oh. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Yes, I'm sure this is the best of their 57 ""spudtacular"" east coast locations. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," This is the easiest date ever. You know what I'm gonna try next? A knock, knock joke. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Easiest? Somehow we have managed to find the two lamest new yorkers of all time. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Ted, Ted, Ted. Dude. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," I'm looking at you. What? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Right. Stay with me. We are on the cusp of moving from out-of-towners to in-their-pantsers. Ay-o? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," All right, Ignatius, one more hour. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Nice. Nice. Hey, nice. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Knock, knock. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Yes, we do. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," Quick announcement. I am so glad that you're here, fellow travelers. A couple rules... not even rules. Let's call them guidelines for harmonious living. Guideline for harmonious living number one ; The kitchen sink is for dishes, the toilet is for pee-pee. G.F.H.L. number two ; Marijuana is illegal in the United States, even when baked into a blueberry muffin that someone might mistakenly eat for breakfast right before they leave for their job as a TV Newscaster. ""This just in: Look at my hand, how weird is my hand?"" is not an appropriate thing to say on the air. And number three... I... . And number three is please keep the noise to a minimum. I have to take a nap. I'm still pretty baked. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Everything's so bright, even at night. No wonder the city never sleeps. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Hey. If we're going north, why did we cross over the FDR? We should have taken the Hudson. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Now he knows all the streets. Someone's been watching too many ""Steinfield reruns"". " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Where are we even going anyway? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," A hundred... on the south of Bronx at this time of night? We're going to get k*ll. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Ted. I think these local new yorkers know more about the city than we do, so relax. We're in very capable hands. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," There were three of them, at least two g*n... they took all our money. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Well. I only had traveler's checks. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," Hey, babe. I've been thinking about our fight. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Yes? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," I'm really, really... surprised that you haven't apologized to me yet. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Wow. You really want to open this up again. Oh, I forgot, you open everything up, even if you're not supposed to until I'm dead. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," You know that is important to me. Why won't you just write the letter? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Because, I can't bear the thought of not being with you, not even for long enough to write you a stupid letter. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," Really? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Yes, really. Plus, I know as soon as I write it, you're just going to open it up and read it again. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," Lily, I won't, I promise. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Okay. I'll write you a letter for my death folder. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," Do you mind, um, maybe slipping in a little bit of dirty stuff, too? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," I tell you what. How about I make it all dirty stuff and slip in a little clean stuff? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," You're the best. And maybe a couple polaroids? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Come on. Let's get out of here. This night's a disaster. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," What?! This night couldn't have gone any better. We've just survived a mugging. You know what that means. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," ""Thank God, we're alive"" sex. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," ""Thank God we're alive"" sex. It's even better than ""I can't believe you just proposed to me"" sex, which I've only had, like, four of five times. Ted, please, we are so close. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," All right. I'm in. I've never worked this hard for anything in my life. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Whew. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Mmm-mm. Me too. So where do you live? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," What? West village? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," West Orange? New Jersey? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," You guys live in New Jersey, not New York? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Theodore. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," New Jersey? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Teddy? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Oh, no. Oh, no. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Oh, no. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," New Jersey is not ""pretty much New York"". You are not ""pretty much new yorkers"". " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Ted," Because I live here. That's right. I live here. Yes, we're full of crap. Yes, we pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. But you know what's even worse than that?! Saying you're a new yorker when you're not. Because, this is the greatest city in the world and you have to earn the right to call yourself a new yorker. So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland tunnel and flush yourselves back to ""pretty much New York""? Because I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey! " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," You're not from Missouri? Well, I will be a monkey's unc... " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Hey, um, sir, can we get ride, too? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," Can you please keep it down? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," Well. I have to have a job. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," I'm canadian. You know that. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," Wow. I just realized something. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," No, that you really suck. You're boring and lame and you're getting sand everywhere. Seriously, where is all the sand coming from? You're not the real me. All you are is me on vacation trying to get away from a break-up. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," What are you doing? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," All right, everyone out! I said everyone out! " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," I'm canadian! " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," No, I'm not. Listen, Gael, I need to talk to you about something. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Welcome home, Scherbatsky. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," Oh, good to be back. Although it's weird, vacation Robin popped into my dream again last night. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Barney," Listening. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Robin," This time we went all the way. Tell you one thing. She is maybe sandy but that chick knows what I like. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Okay, I'm done... but I really don't want you reading this unless... you know, something happens. Can you swear to me you won't open it? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," Totally. What does it say? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Marshall, I'm serious. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," Okay. I promise I won't, I won't open that until you're dead. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Okay. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," That's it? I suck. Lily. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Yes, you suck. You said you wouldn't read it and you did. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," Well, you didn't keep your promise either. I don't see any dirty pictures in here. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," Oh, fine, I'll take the dirty pictures. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," I don't want 'em now. " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Lily," What is that supposed to mean? " 3x02 - We're Not from Here,Marshall," What?! Nothing. Nothing. You're beautiful. I would love the photos. Have I told you how beautiful you look? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"Ted, why are you dating our arch-enemy?! I mean, Wile E. Coyote wasn't trying to sleep with the Roadrunner. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,"Or maybe he was. Think about it. The way that she bats her eyelashes and shakes her tail feathers in his face? (chuckles) She wants it. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Isn't it hard for you guys to be on opposite sides of something like this? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Of course you feel that way, Lily. You and Marshall have basically melded into one big hermaphroditic blob. And that's fine for you guys. But some of us want a partner who challenges us to grow and evolve. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"You guys are in screaming matches all the time. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. Growing matches. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"The main character is a young spoiled prince thrust into leadership after the death of his father. It's obviously a modern-day retelling of Henry IV! " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Okay, clearly, when we're watching Tommy Boy, we're watching two different movies. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"No, you hang up. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"No, you hang up. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"No, you hang up! ( " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"No, you... (His phone starts beeping) Hold on. (beep) Hello? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,"For the love of God, will one of you idiots hang up the phone? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Why would you do that?! " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Who likes that? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Your relationship sounds exhausting. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Well, maybe yours is a bit lazy. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Marshall and I have been together 15 years, and the only debate we've had about Tommy Boy is whether it's awesome or super awesome. That's love, bitch. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"I have to quit. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"Quit GNB?! Why? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"I need to do better things with my life, okay? There's-There's an opening for an environmental lawyer at the National Resources Defense Council. Sure, it pays less, but I'd be saving the oceans, saving endangered species... " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"Saving chicken bones and an old boot to make hobo soup? Marshall, you can't pay your mortgage with Hacky Sacks and good vibes. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Baby, you have my full support. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"Well, then, you're not going to be able to pay for that trip to Spain that you've been planning. (Barney snickers) Say good-bye to riding around in gondolas, and eating bratwurst and seeing the pyramids. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,":I don't think you know what Spain is. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"Well, I know that a trip there costs some serious lira. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"It's dinero. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"Where? I want his autograph! " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,"It's graduation goggles. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"What? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,":Graduation goggles, like with high school. It's four years of bullies making fun of all the kids with braces, even after the braces come off and they can walk just fine. But then, on graduation day, you suddenly get all misty because you realize you're never going to see those jerks again. I just had graduation goggles with that guy Scooby I dated. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"The guy who was basically a dog? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,":He was the worst kisser I've ever been with. But the moment I decided to dump him...I suddenly got kind of wistful. (as speaking to a dog)He was a good boy. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"Yeah. I've been there, too. Every time I'm done having sex with a woman, at first,I never want to see her again. No, that's pretty much it. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,":The point is, you can't trust graduation goggles. They're just as misleading as beer goggles, bridesmaid goggles, and that's-just-a-bulky, outdated-cell-phone in-his-front-pocket goggles. That one was a bummer. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"You're right. Tomorrow, I'm quitting GNB. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"No! You can't quit tomorrow! The lady with the big nipples is coming back to give another sexual harassment seminar, and I bribed one of the maintenance guys to keep the room at a brisk 55 degrees! " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Baby, more than ever, you have my full support. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"You know, sometimes I feel bad for Lily and Marshall. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"I'm starting to feel bad for Ted and Zoey. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"It starts with an... ""L?"" " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"It's like they never challenge each other. They just automatically agree all the time. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,":Yes, they do. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,":Yes, they do. It's like they... " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,":... don't see eye-to-eye on anything! Totally. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"And I said my name was...? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"Baby, I did it! I quit. And then I walked right over to the NRDC, and I took that job. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Oh, good for you, sweetie. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"Yeah. It's a little less money than I was expecting. I mean, compared to what I was making at GNB, it's nothing. Actually compared to anything, it's nothing. It's nothing. The paid position just got filled, so all I can do is-is volunteer right now. You're cool with that, right? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Baby, if this is what you need to do, we'll figure it out. How's Barney handling you leaving? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Hey, Barney, there's a bunch of models in the lobby, and the gossip is one of them is really a dude. You want to play ""Who's Hot and Who's Scott?"" " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"It's always the one in the turtleneck, Ted. And no, I don't want to play. Stupid Marshall-... ruined everything. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Oh, come on. Everything's not ruined. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"What? Why? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,":...so, if the Landmarks Preservation Committee sides with Zoey, your whole project goes down the tubes? You must be furious. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"I'm furiously enjoying being challenged. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Why don't you admit that your girlfriend challenging your every move is getting you a little m*rder-suicidey? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Why don't you admit that Marshall quitting his job and taking an unpaid internship is k*ll you? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"It's not. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Lily, the downside to having giant, Japanese anime eyes is that they're easy to read. And yours are screaming, ""What about my trip to Spain, deadbeat?"" " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Okay, Ted, the downside to having a woman's mouth is, your feminine pout gives away your true feelings. And yours is saying, ""Oh, Zoey, why can't I be on top just this once?"" " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"We take turns! Sometimes. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"Hey, guys. Thanks. Hey. I just had the best first day at the NRDC. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"I'm sorry. Sorry. Something Hershel said at work today. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,"Hershel? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"What, don't you guys know Hershel? Didn't I tell you? Oh, he's the new lawyer who replaced Marshall at GNB. He is so awesome and funny and tall... taller than Marshall... and he knows way more laws. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Well, I'm glad you like your new co-worker. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"There's no Hershel! I was just saying that to make you jealous! Why do you insist we play these games? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"Barney, I'm not playing... " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"Just come back to GNB already! " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"I'm really loving my new job. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Oh, and I'm loving seeing you this happy. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"I'm so glad to hear you say that because I volunteered our apartment for a big NRDC fund-raiser tomorrow night. You're-You're cool with that, right? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Baby, you have my full support. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"Thanks, baby. ( " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"That's how I'm gonna use mine. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,"Why in the world do you care so much whether Marshall works at GNB? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"Care? I don't care. I'm like, whatever. Marshall who? He's stupid. Hershel's way better. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,":Okay, Barney, is it possible that with everything that's gone on with your dad lately, you might have some unresolved abandonment issues you're transferring onto Marshall? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"Oh! Ugh! You are worse than my shrink. ""Barney, we have to talk about your father."" ""Barney, I'm not going to teach you how to hypnotize people. You'll only use it for evil."" ""Barney, I am not going to conduct a couples session ""between you and this woman. She's obviously a prostitute."" I don't need this! " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Ah, Lily Aldrin, half of the world's most perfect couple! I was thinking about that woman's mouth comment, and I have three good comebacks. Oneyour mom didn't seem to mind it last night on her... " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Okay, look, Ted, I need a favor. Would you mind driving out to Kennedy with me to pick up this famous ecologist for Marshall's fund-raiser? Apparently, he only speaks Spanish. And you speak Spanish, right? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"Hey, Marshall, it's me. Listen, I know I've been kind of a jerk about your leaving GNB. I just wanted to call and say I'm sorry. No apologies necessary. We're good. Good. Um, hey, any chance you might maybe... I don't know... if you're not busy, uh, want to have lunch today? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"Oh, buddy, I'd love to, but I can't. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"Oh, that's cool. No biggie. Another time. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,": " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"How long have you been there? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,"You don't remember? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,"Hey. I was in the neighborhood. I just wanted to check in on you. You seemed, um, you seemed really upset the other day. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"Oh, no, I'm fine. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,"Okay. Well, um, you want to go grab some lunch? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,":Sure. Hey, are you okay if I invite Marshall to join us? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,"Yeah. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,":Right. So, um... Chinese? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"You know, just because Zoey and I are a different kind of couple than you and Marshall doesn't make us a worse couple. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"You're right. I-If you and Zoey are happy, then who am I to judge? I'm so sorry. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Oh, my God, is that how support feels? It's so warm and wonderful. Oh, Lily, I've been so unhappy. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"But I thought you liked being challenged. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Nobody likes being challenged! Couldn't she agree with me just once, even on something little, like... like what movie to see or-or what topping to get on our pizza or... oh, I don't know, my lifelong dream of building a skyscraper in New York City?! " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Well, in her defense, hamburger pizza, Ted? What are you, 12? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"You were right, Lily. I mean, Zoey's great, but... sometimes I do wish we were a little more like you and Marshall. There he is. Here we go. ( " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Um, he speaks perfect English. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Yeah, I-I know. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Then why did you ask me to come? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"So you can drive him to the fund-raiser. Supporting Marshall this much is driving me crazy. I'm going to Spain-- my flight leaves in 45 minutes. Adios, muchacho. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"W-Wait, what do you mean you're going to Spain? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"You were right. If I hear myself say ""Baby, you have my full support"" one more time, I swear I'm gonna m*rder someone! " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"What are you gonna tell Marshall, huh? And when are you coming back? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"I honestly haven't thought it all the way through, and I don't intend to. All I know is that I'm a ticking time b*mb, and if I don't do something for me right away, I swear I'm gonna explode! " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Wow, tha... that's an evocative metaphor to use for your nonthreatening, totally patriotic emotions. U.S.A.! Okay, Lily, I get it. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Marshall's been asking a lot lately. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"But the thing to do is-is tell him you've had enough. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"I've never been good at that. And now, ever since his dad died, I-I feel like it's my job to just be fine with everything. But I'm not. I'm not fine that he volunteers our apartment for a giant fund-raiser and that he's not thinking about how we're gonna pay any of our bills and that, apparently, we've given up on trying to have kids. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Lil... " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Look, I'm sorry, Ted, I just, I gotta do this. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"There's nothing to talk about. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,"You trashed your office today. I mean, you obviously have some deep feelings you're not confronting. And I think they're about your dad. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"I don't want to talk about it, okay? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,"Why not? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"Because I don't. And why am I explaining this to you? You're the most secretive person I know. You never tell anybody anything. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,"I've never... told anyone this before. Um... I was 16. I was awakened around midnight by the sound of my father arguing with his business partner, Andy Grenier. As things grew heated... I watched my father's hand slowly coil around the heavy antique clock on his desk. The sun was just starting to rise over the bramble orchard as we packed the fresh earth down with the flats of our shovels. My dad and I got our stories straight. We walked back to the house in silence and... haven't talked about it since. But sometimes... on a still night... you can still hear that clock, ticking... ticking... (quietly)ticking. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"That's... the most harrowing story I've ever heard. Is it true? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,"No. But it did get you to drink three scotches, which is why you're ready to spill your guts. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"Fine! The reason I'm upset about Marshall leaving GNB is... is...the meatball sub. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,"Huh? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"It all started months ago in the GNB commissary. It was Meatball Sub Day. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"Oh, how I used to love Meatball Sub Day. And then, the most humiliating moment of my life. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"Hey, buddy, I think you got a tiny little bit of marinara sauce on your tie there. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"I plotted my revenge for weeks. But nothing seemed right. Then it hit me. The answer was so elegant and simple-- an exploding meatball sub. For months, I experimented. More... marinara sauce. Finally, the sub was perfected. The plan was in place. The snare was baited. And then... " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"... " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Robin,"What is wrong with you? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"Hey, Professor Rodriguez, thank you so much for coming. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"Right over there. Enjoy. Hey. Hey, thanks for picking him up. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Yeah, absolutely. Um, listen, something happened at the airport. Um... " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"What? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Well, we got there, and, uh, Lily...( " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Marshall, hey. Sorry, I, uh, I had to park and-and grab some ice. Sorry. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"Oh, thanks, babe. You would not believe how much this one has done to help throw this party, Ted. I don't know how she does it. Can't be easy, huh, Lil? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Yeah. Listen, Marshall, I-I need to talk to you about something. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"No, you know what? Me, too. Um... I want to thank you for being so supportive of me in all this. I've been at the NRDC for less than a week, and I've already done more to be proud of than in two years at GNB. I can't believe how good it feels. But now, it's time for me to find a way to help the Earth and get paid for it, because I can't put that burden entirely on you. So, starting tomorrow, I'll look for something with a paycheck. What do you think? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"Baby, you have my full support. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Hey! What are you doing here? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"This you can be supportive of?! " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"I have the chance to build a skyscraper in the best city on Earth, and who's the one leading the charge to k*ll that dream? My girlfriend! " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Lily,"You're too young. This isn't fair. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"We're not going anywhere, buddy. We're gonna stay here right till the end. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,", " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"Yes, of course, of course... anything. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"Eat this meatball sub. " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"Wh-Where'd you get a meatball... " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,"I don't have much time! " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Marshall,"Okay, yes, yes, of course. Of course. Does this have some sort of special meaning? " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Barney,", " 6x20 - The Exploding Meatball Sub,Ted,"Uh, Barney, you got a little marinara on your pajamas. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"She was completely amazing. She was amazing and funny and... " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"You have feelings for Ted. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Maybe. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Do you want to try long distance? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"""This long-distance thing sucks, huh? And I really need to talk to you tonight."" " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"She's going to dump me! " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"She's not going to break up with you, Ted. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Hello? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Do you want to come over? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Hello. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Hi, Ted, it's Robin. Um, listen, I know it's late, but do you want to come over? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Sit. Good boys. Okay, remember, stay out of the liquor cabinet. I'll see you tonight. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"And so the life of a television reporter is very rewarding, and I stronly urge you to consider it as a career. Thank you. Yeah? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"Marshall was here yesterday. They just learned the word ""fiancé."" " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Oh, no, I don't have a fiancé. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Well, actually, I've got five dogs. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"No, I've got five dogs. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Well, yeah, that's cats. I'm not some pathetic cat lady. Not that your grandmother is... " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Does anyone else have a...? Yes? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"No. Are you? Just because a woman lives alone doesn't mean she's a les... " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"Okay, let's have a big hand for Robin the reporter. All right, our next guest is another friend... " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Barney,"So, Robin, you ever report on train wrecks? 'Cause I just saw one. What up? Tiny five. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Ha-ha. Laugh now, those kids are monsters. They're going to eat you alive. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"He has a job doing... What do you do? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Barney,"Please. Kids, let's rap. You guys don't give half a brown Crayola what I do for a living, do you? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Barney,"No. I know what you want. Magic. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Hello. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Why hasn't she called yet? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Okay, you're making yourself crazy. It's Saturday night. Go out and do something. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"What's the point of going out? I got a girlfriend... for now. Besides, if I go out, who's going to watch the news? I'm, like, half your viewership. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"I'm flattered you think we have two viewers. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"No, and why does this keep coming up today? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"What? Oh, no, that was Ted. He's just a friend. I mean, there was this moment where we almost dated, but we want completely different things. Anyway, now he has this girlfriend in Germany and he thinks she's calling to dump him tonight, but I don't think she is. And besides, we want completely different things. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"What? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Well, moving past the horrifying image of your hair helmet clanging against the headboard, don't get involved with people I work with. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Hey, guys. Miss me? I missed you, too. Hi, Ted, it's Robin. Um, listen, I know it's late, but do you want to come over? Ted? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Uh, yeah... Uh, hi, I'm here. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Do you want to come over? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Why? What's up? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Well, um, I just finally set up my new juicer and I was going to make some juice, and I was, like, ""You know who likes juice? Ted."" " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"I love juice. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Great. So you want to come over and make juice? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Okay, sure. I'll come over. We'll... juice. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Yes, we'll juice. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Okay. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Okay... bye. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Bye. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"This is fine. This is totally fine. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Oh, I'm, uh, going over to this girl's house to make some juice. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"No, it's not like that. We're juicing as friends. See, I have this girlfriend, I would never cheat on her. She lives in Germany. See, she was supposed to call me four hours ago to have a serious talk. I still haven't heard from her. I don't know. Sorry to bug you with my problems. Guess cab drivers are the new bartenders, huh? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"You can just let me out right up here. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Park Slope, Eighth and Eighth. Okay, here's where I left off with the last guy. See, I have a girlfriend, but I'm going over to this other girl's house... " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Okay, relax, Robin's just a friend. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Yes, yes! Juice is perfectly harmless. In fact, it's healthy. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"I am not won... Okay, even if I am wondering that, it's only 'cause you put it in my head. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Damn it! Nothing's going to happen. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Okay, okay. You want a second opinion? Fine. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"Hey, did she call? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"No. I need a ruling. Um, I'm... Yeah, this is stupid. It's not even a big deal, but I'm on my way over to Robin's right now. She got a new juicer. Whatever. We're going to test it out. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"Let me call you back. Honey, there's a situation developing. Do you remember the huge secret that you told me that you weren't supposed to but you did? The thing... about Robin? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Barney,"Oh, you mean how Robin's in love with Ted? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"What? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Barney,"Yeah, she told me already. Go on. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"Wait. So I'm the only one that she didn't tell? She told you and not me? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Barney,"Well, I guess I'm just better friends with her than you are. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"Well, I'm better friends with Ted than you are. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Barney,"That is a lie! " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"It is not a lie. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Barney,"Okay, that's it! You and me! I'm not afraid of you! " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"I'll show you things you never seen before! I used to box in the Army! " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Come on, pick up. Damn it, Victoria, where are you? Pick up, pick up! " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"No, thanks. Where are you? Why haven't you called? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Yeah. Why do I doubt that? Hello. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"Ted, I just saw the news and a truck carrying sulphuric acid overturned right in front of Robin's house. And it's melting through the sidewalk. You can see straight down into hell. It's bad. You should go home, dude. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Marshall, it's fine. Nothing's going to happen. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"Ted, what does your mom always say? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Nothing good ever... " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"Nothing good ever happens after 2:00 a.m. Go home! It's too late for juice. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Dude, Robin and I are just friends. She doesn't even like me that way. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"Yes, she does! She likes you. She told me. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"What? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"It's a big secret, so don't tell her I told you, but she's very vulnerable right now and you have a girlfriend. Go home, Ted. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"She-she likes me? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"Yes. So you see why it would be a very bad idea for you to go up there. Go home, Ted. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"She likes me? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"Go home, Ted. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Uh, you're right. I'll, uh, I'll see you at home. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"Good. He's going home. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"He is so not going home. I cannot believe you just told him that. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"What do you mean? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"Lily, here's what you just said""Ted, whatever you do, don't go up there. There's a beautiful girl who wants to have sex with you. And then she's gonna make you some delicious juice."" " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"No, he's not going up there. He has more sense than that. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Keep the change. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"You want to get out of the way? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"You know, if you had just called me, I... " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Hi. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Hi. Um, I got some vegetables. I got carrots, I got beets. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Or we could just drink wine. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Wine... not? Well, that's the stupidest thing I've ever said. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Thanks. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Make it a big glass. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Sure. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"So, how's it hanging? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Have you ever had one of those days where nothing at all that monumental happens but by the end of it you have no idea who you are anymore or what the hell you're doing with your life? Do you ever have one of those days? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Uh, about once a week. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"I don't know, it was just a, a rough day and the only person I wanted to see at the end of it was you. So... um... how was the big phone call with your girlfriend? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"We broke up. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"What? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Yeah. Yeah, she finally called. We talked for a while-- how hard long distance is-- and then... she dumped me. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Oh, Ted, I'm so sorry. That's just terrible. I feel awful. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"You're smiling. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Am I? No I'm not. I'm a news anchor. Smiling's a part of the job. Thousands died in a tragic avalanche today. See? You're smiling, too. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Yeah. I have no idea what that's all about. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"How much does Korean Elvis rock? I'll answer that. Infinity. He rocks... infinity. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"Okay, it's time for bed. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Barney,"What? No. It's 2:30. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"Nothing good ever happens after 2:00 a.m. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Barney,"You know, I have found, in my travels... that all the best things in life happen after 2:00 a.m. When I look back at the best stories of my life-- the Liberty Bell incident, the little scrape I got in at the Russian Embassy, the almost four-way. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"You never had a four-way. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Barney,"I said ""almost."" All those things happened after 2:00 a.m. because after 2:00 a.m. is when things get-- audience, say it with me-- legendary. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"We're going home. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Barney,"What's that? Interesting theory, Barney, but I'll need some proof? Okay. Korean Elvis. How would you like to have a drink with me and my friends? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Barney,"And it begins. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"So, um... Hey. I got a new phone. Same as yours. Look. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Oh, yeah. Do you like it? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Yeah. Yeah. This is some solid small talk. I had that other phone, and it was good, but I think the whole time a little part of me wanted this phone instead. This phone... um... feels right. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Wow. Weird. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Yeah. Uh, I should probably take this. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"I'll be here. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Hello? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"Sorry about that. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Was that Korean Elvis? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"I'll explain later. Hey, we're headed down to MacLaren's. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Um... Actually... I'm at Robin's. Yeah, and, um... I might have done something bad. I just lied and told her I broke up with Victoria. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"Ted, I don't want to swear in front of Korean Elvis, but what the bleep are you doing, dude? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"What do you expect from me? It's Robin. Victoria's great, but, it's Robin. I've made up my mind. I'm going to end it with Victoria. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"Gonna? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Yes. First thing tomorrow. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"Okay, but, but, as of right now at-at... 2:45 a.m. you still have a girlfriend. Ted, I love you. I love Robin. But if you do this right now, your entire future with her will be built on a crime. Just go home, Ted. Don't do this the wrong way. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"I hate how you're always right. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"It's my best and most annoying trait. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Okay. I'm coming home. I'll see you soon. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Hey. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"I should probably get going. It's pretty late. I'm sorry. I... " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Oh. Oh, no. I understand. It's fine. Yeah. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Can I call you tomorrow? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Totally. Totally. Call me tomorrow. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Okay. Good night, Robin. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Good night, Ted. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Oh, my God. We're making out. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Right. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"This is crazy. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Right? Right? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Should we go to my room? I mean, there's five dogs in there, but... " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Yeah. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Yeah? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Yeah. I just, um... I have to run to the bathroom real quick. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Okay. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Stop doing that. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"I'm calling you. We're breaking up. I'm doing this right now, I'm coming out of this bathroom a single man. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"What do you want from me? People break up. It happens. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"It's not ideal. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Barney,"Come on, Lily. How many women can say they've been personally serenaded by Korean Elvis? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"I think he just spat on me. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"Barney, you tried, I think that's great, but we're going. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Barney,"No! No, come on. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"Yes! " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Barney,"Dude, we haen't hit legendary yet. We're only at the ""le"". We still got the ""gen."" The ""da."" The ""ry."" " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"Okay, if we're at the ""le,"" then I say we follow it up with a ""t's go home."" " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"Oh, wow, you just got b*rned, phonics style. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Lily,"Okay, seriously. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Marshall,"Hey, you guys remember the time that Lily kicked Korean Elvis in the Nards? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"You're right. I owe you a real breakup call. I'll call you tomorrow. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Why should I have to go home? You know, there's every chance Robin's the woman I'm going to marry. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"It could happen. And so really, what's it gonna matter in 50 years if I jump the g*n by one night? Look, I-I know this is a moral gray area, but... It's Robin. And I'm exhausted. I am. I'm exhausted from pretending I'm not in love with her. I think that makes this okay. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Yes, I do. You got me. That is exactly what I want right now. And so what? I want this. She wants this. It's happening, and if you have a problem with it, don't be in Germany. It's been nice pretending to talk to you. Thanks for not calling me and good night. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"This isn't my phone. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"Okay. Bye. " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Ted,"Was it...? " 1x18 - Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.,Robin,"It was your girlfriend. You might want to call her back. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," You're not serious, my students are going to catch me so I do them a lesson. I have not even my slide projector. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Ted, I'm champion of skee-ball, since law school. I have come here at least once a month to keep my record. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Looks like you're not income from a lease, a guy called ""Big caramel"" you're passed. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Yes, yes. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," And you're ""Big caramel."" " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," The biggest. In fact, I must tell you something. I invited Jenkins. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," You will not believe what Jenkins has done this time. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Who is Jenkins? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," This is a new lawyer in the office of Marshall, he is hilarious. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Hilarious! There was a jar of cherries in the fridge, then Jenkins said: $ 200 and I eat the whole pot. So we gave him $ 200, and he ate the whole jar! " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," The CFO comes to sign papers, then Jenkins said: Excuse me Mr Wilkocs, I think we forgot one of the documents.We all went to a bar after work, Jenkins goes on the table and begins to gesticulate like a stripper, and a second later, he removes his shirt. It was so disgusting. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Well it feels good to finally meet the famous Jenkins, after all these stories. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," What?! " 5x13 - Jenkins,Barney," You heard me. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," You want to sleep with Jenkins? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Barney," With Jenkins, of Jenkins, near Jenkins. You said it, I want to put like a sock. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," But you are... really... I did not know that... " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Ted Jenkins here. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," It's going to seem crazy, but I thought Jenkins was a guy. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," What!? Where did you get it? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," I do not know, maybe history: Jenkins pissed out the window of a taxi. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Yes, even more impressive now, right? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Yes. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Ok, I confess! It all started a few weeks. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," I do not steal. And I do not wear glasses. Marshall. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Why? It's a trap, you're a fan of the Packers? My wife knows I'm here. She has no money, however it has very special skills. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Pelican Rapids? My grandfather lives there. Finally he's dead now, but it haunts a bar on a road. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Wait, if you tell me that you flirt with a woman other than yours, I'll pull out and hit you. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," First, you can not control the Grand caramel. Secondly, I see it as a big brother, who has breasts. My older brother had also, in short. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," That night, I spoke to Lily. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," I'm in a hurry to meet him. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," I should correct, it would have been so simple. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," But I have not done. So now, whenever I talk about Jenkins, I avoid pronouns. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," So the manager comes to marketing staff to choose Midwest. So he, he, he, she, him, him, Jenkins, him, her. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Look, I understand why you have not told him? You really think she would be jealous too. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Ted, think of the stories I've told. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Yes, it could be a problem. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Exactly, that's why Lily can know nothing. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," Lily can know nothing of what? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," What Marshall is going to buy a horse. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," Really?! It's great, I love this stuff. Guys why this kid staring at me? I understand, I think it happens at last. I recognized my show. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," That's so cute. But it's Scotty, one of my students, and he looks at me me. Weird that I'm more famous than you. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," No, I go on TV. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," And I have 30 students in my class, which means, go, 30 times your hearing. We're going to buy Scotty a drink for old teacher. Scotty then, a question on neoclassical architecture, and it's good. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," What? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," Yes. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," Really? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Really? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Uh, this is Professor Mosby. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," We're friends. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," This is architecture. Go will study. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Go! " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Hello? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," Hey baby, I go up there. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," What, why? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," There was a problem at school, it was therefore the day. I thought to visit you, eat something with a nice little dessert. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," I have a problem, it was my wife. The first time I spoke to you, she thought you were a man, so... " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Absolutely. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," Hello, I'm Lily, Marshall's wife. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," It is Jenkins. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," You are Jenkins? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," The famous Jenkins, gosh. I imagined a man, in short, we eat? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Wait, you're not jealous at all? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," Honey, I do not have to worry about you and another woman. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Because we love to madness, right? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," Yes of course. Let's eat. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," It was not jealous at all. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Of course she was not jealous, it is the dynamics of your relationship. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," What is this supposed to mean? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," That's how it goes boy, every relationship has a low and high. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Exactly, low in trying to conquer another out of reach, and the strong will go back down to be with the other person less. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," I am not diminished for Lily. Yes, it is a bit small, and my mother says she has no hips to carry a baby Eriksen. My God, you think I'm weak. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," That's why Lily is not jealous. The strongest is never jealous because where could go lower? The fort, Lily, is the best thing that low, Marshall may have hoped. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," No, ok, I'm glad Lily, but Lily is as lucky as me. None of us is low. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," Yes, it's definitely, you are going to buy a horse. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," What? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," Try your luck. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," So, to end modern architecture is very short, experimented with the houses in V. Excuse me one second. What are you doing here? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," I've realized that you forgot something this morning, so I thought I would bring thee: thy pen. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," It's your pen, and you have chewed the end, recently. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," Nothing to Ted, your course was on my way to work. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," No, it is not. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," Come on, stand New York. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," Really, you watch my show? You flatter me see. Other fans here? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Thank you for last, Robin. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," That night, great show on poisons. Also, who makes the worst pizza in New York, I will give you information on traffic streets 5 and 9. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Really? You watch his show? It's like watching an aquarium lit, and less interesting. And now that I think, not even informed. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," The what? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Barney," But huh? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," But um, it would seem, she often said. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Barney," It's funny, I also had a drinking game based on Robin, Robin finally. At the bottom of her stomach... " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," It was agreed that you do not speak of those things. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Barney," Sorry, you're right. She did not like anyway. She said it woke her up. Does she said ""But um"" so often? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," It's good but um, this was not your first spelling bee, does not it? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," Oh that's good. But hmm. But um... " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Interesting article in the newspaper. They say that in every relationship there is a weak and strong. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," Let me see. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," It's not that one, it's in another, I've read before. The newspaper reminded me of the old. In short, what do you think? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," I think sometimes it's the case. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," But not for us? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," No, of course not. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Sure. Imagine, you have a g*n to his head, you have to say that one of us is low. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," I would say this is me, this is what is right. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Now, the g*n is pointed at me, and our future children, and our future little monkeys. Depends on who wins the game is played for 3 years. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," No, no weak or strong. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," So this... " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Our two children, our 8 grandchildren, 11 great grandchildren our, our plane piloted by Oprah, and it is poised to spits at an art museum that contains all your favorite pictures, and the only way save everything, and answered: Art thou the weak or strong? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," And Oprah has tried everything? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Everything you need to decide now. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," I think if I had to really say, maybe I'm strong. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," How can you say such a thing! " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," She thinks she is strong. That's right, I have to prove that I am not the weak. I will make her jealous. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Barney," Easy, that's the plan: A, layer with Jenkins. Two, I sleep with Jenkins first. Three, the second rule is the first I'm going to rule 2. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Okay, I know. You remember the other night, the game of skee-ball, when you did your good score? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Yes, an ordinary night for the ""Big caramel."" " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Do you think she was flirting with me? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Bluntly. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Sure, I have an opening. If Madame Lily is jealous, young Marshall can not move, then by chance, the ""Big caramel""... may move, ok let me try again. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Okay, I understand. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," Ted, I have a great idea. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Remove your hair in the bathtub once you're done? Looks like you want to make a bath mat. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," If you want to make one of your classes exciting, I could read it from someone a little more fun, your students can pay attention and learn. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Oh, you're entertaining? Last night there were 3 minutes of silence where you tried to patch up your sweater. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," Look, just because your class prefers me to you... " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted,"... You're a drinking game. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," What? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," That's why they watch. They did a drinking game on you.Every time you say ""But um"", they take a sh*t. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," But umm? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Yes. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," I'm not But um, I never told But hum. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," So I guess it's not a great drinking game. This means that last night when we played with Barney, I was not drunk and I did not vomit on it. Except that I did these two things here, take this. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Hey Jenkins! " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," So, Lily and I go back to university bar. And you wonder if maybe you would come... You could watch me play skee-ball... do exactly what you did the other night, something like that. It's really up to you, I mean... " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," Hey baby, what do you do at home? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Baby! That is, it's a name I do not deserve. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," What? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," Oh, I see what happens. That's about all that history of strong and weak. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," You're sure it's not a fever? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," You wanna make me jealous so you invent a story with Jenkins. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," I did not invent it! It happened, this woman kissed me.With language, his tongue was in my mouth. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," Of course it was. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," It was silky... and hard as a branch of starfish " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," I'm so jealous, I'll go see it and hit right on the nose... like an old sandwich. Come on baby, you want some soup? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," It happened! Have you... meatballs? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," And here's a few of his contributions to architecture and now... We remember him for just one thing. My friends this is the sad legacy of Gregorio... Franchetti Gazibo. Questions? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," What? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," Well, what can I say except... um But I am! I can always come? I will pay? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," So, your third book is your new novel, but um... " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," Shit! Sorry. But, but just. No hum! Your first book was written more quickly? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," But umm... " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," It's not pretty! " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," I wanted to ask about the novel you're writing right now, but um... " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," And tonight, you had to, but um... " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," For a long time, but um... " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," No, no, no, do not drink, it's a trap! " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," Ok, um... but thank you for coming but um... If there are students who look, but um, but um, but um... " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," My God, help us all! " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," It's nothing. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," It was not me! " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," You were drunk at 8am? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," The police officer was unharmed but um... " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Happy to have you helped you remember. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," It's nothing! " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," No, who am I to say? Lily? I said to Lily. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," No, no! " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," No, I... Yes! Yes! Do it! " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," And if you got no time for all this, just tell him that it happened and that you're sorry. And if you're really in a hurry did not tell him you're sorry. Just as it happened, what is most important. It really happened. Thus abbreviated it as much as you can. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Well, it happened! What will we do? It happened!Terrible, like you said. It happened! " 5x13 - Jenkins,Lily," Kissed my husband! MY HUSBAND! Nobody embraces the father of my future children besides me. " 5x13 - Jenkins,Barney," Marshall, you're in the field! " 5x13 - Jenkins,Marshall," Lil '? It's good! " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," So we'll just have a quiet day course. Nobody is talking! No noise! " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," How's you all? " 5x13 - Jenkins,Ted," No, no, no, please. Just goes away! " 5x13 - Jenkins,Robin," I just wanted to tell you go... To all those watching. Go! Standing New York! BUT HUM! " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Sorry, can not stay. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," It's unfortunate! " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," Disgusted! " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," Yes. Yes, absolutely. Thank you. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," I got a great deal... " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," They need a finger to do what I think. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," Ted, Karen is an idiot. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Nice set of forms. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," I put the forms there. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Believe it or not, my friends do not have a say on which I frequent. This is my life. I decide. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," I arrive. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," I do not know what it is, this shrew. Okay, she has boobs, but... In fact, I see. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," That's because he met her in high school. This is his first girlfriend. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," For us, Karen is an idiot. For him, this is the first to have touched his penis in hand himself, his mother and pediatrician. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," It's almost 2am. I must work. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," How can they call it a ""daily""? 4h, it's still the middle of the night. You impressed me. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," It's been almost a month. I'm used to. And then the show is not bad, right? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," That is clear. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," I've never seen. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," You've ever watched? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," Sure! " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," I've never seen. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," Your favorite item? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," Weather. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," I've never seen. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," Have you ever looked. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," Sorry. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," I just said. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," I know, this is basic and bland, and it is smaller audiences than the Korean channel that does that Kim Jong Il by the horse. But, friends, it would touch me to know that at least once you look. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," You know what? This Friday, everyone will come home at 3:30. We leave the pajamas and watch his show. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," You're the best. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," We want to encourage you. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," I just want to sleep! " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," I hate Robin not to have done better. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Hi, guys. Bad news: I was Karen plated. Go ahead. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," I knew you were listening! " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," We should not celebrate. Ted has just been dumped.Tell us everything, everything that happened. Seriously, do not forget any details. She said what? You, you said what? How you going? If you had to redo it from start, perhaps you...? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," How did that happen? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," This is totally stupid. We were together, you know, we laughed... " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," It's you who love the Chianti 2002. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Looks like the earring Robin. Bizarre. It's you... " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," I know. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," What? Of course not! She had to be found in the laundry. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Maybe because I've always been faithful, when thou hast deceived me 6 times, bitch. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," In your face! " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Right? I too would have said that. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Maybe because I've always been faithful, while you... I love you... " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," That's it. She's gone. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," What a story. What courage to share it with us. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," Wait. That's your pajamas? You sleep in pajamas suit? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," Of course. You think I'm sleeping in it? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," A coffin. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," It's not look comfortable at all. You wear a tie. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," First, it's a tie night. Second, it's not for comfort. This class is to be at any time. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," Why have the class at any time? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," Let me tell you a story that happened to me recently. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," It's not an anecdote, it's a p*rn. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," This is not ""a"" skin flick, it's the scene... Forget it. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," But it could happen. If it happened and I was in top form for these oiled bitches, I would regret it. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," Sorry, dude, but it is the nightwear most ridiculous I've seen in my life. Finally... " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," Marshall wearing a nightgown! He wears a nightgown! You know when they say, ""Remember, he was wearing a nightgown? ""It is now! This is a nightgown. Call it, ""Held danger of Ninja,"" if you want. You stay still a tr*nsv*stite. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," I do not care. It's comfortable. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," Nice to fly to Neverland with Peter Pan? Me, again! It was nice to get out of bed to accompany Charlie to the chocolate? Oh, me, me! Something about Scrooge! Come on, guys. I do all the work. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," I know. I live with Marshall for 12 years. Every time I put something, it's a victory. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," Ted, it will start! " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," I arrive. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," Hello, New York. I'm Robin... " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Marshall, I found an earring Robin on your dresser. You know why the other was in my bed? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," What are you talking? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," You hate Karen. You told me to break it. It's you. Did you put the loop in my bed for Karen to find. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," I would never... " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Admit it! " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," There's nothing to admit! " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Why was it on your dresser? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," It is pretty! " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," I swear, if you tell me the truth on the field... " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," Wait! Marshall did nothing. It's me. I made you break. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," You made me break with Karen? Are you sick? What right did you do that? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," I did it for your own good. You do not see how it was horrible. She failed the test of the porch. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," What is this test? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," You, Me and Marshall are friends since college. Imagine how they account for one another. So when I look to the future, I see us all together. When will retirees, sipping tea on the porch of our house, playing bridge all day. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," You know not to play bridge, eh? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," It will take over. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," It's important to stay active. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," So whenever you go out with someone for a while, I take the test of the porch. How that person will fit over the years?And when I think of Karen... " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," Karen has failed the test of the porch. She had to leave. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," I can not believe you did that. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," Do you like is great, you, me and Marshall. Really, think about it. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," It's pretty awesome. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," It is really great! So for that you will marry, one that will join the Team Géniale, the bar is very high. I say that I did well, but... " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," You're better off without her. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," If the angel Clarence says it's true, it should be. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," You know what? Go ahead, laugh. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," Why are you wearing this stuff? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," Several reasons. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," You can not even give five. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," A: You can not wear anything underneath. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," I confirm. You can cross your legs? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," Two: It's sexy. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," I confirm. You can uncross your legs? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," Three: My grandfather was Olaf and he died at 107 years. Four: No elastic waistband leaving its mark around my Thanksgiving belly. And five: each night as I sleep, it's the most wonderful and free feeling in the world. I feel... as if I was flying. That's how I'm going to bed at night: happy, light. With a heart full of joy. And you? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," I have to stand still to avoid offending my pajama suit.But at least I do not wear a dress. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," So you're really angry? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," I know. I mean, I guess if you get all this for Karen, then it may be better. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," I'm really sorry. I hated to do it again, but Karen had to leave. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," ""Redo""? How many times you made me break with my girlfriends? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," Never! Six. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Like who? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," No one! Angie. In the second year. She used you to get revenge on her ex, and you will not see it, so... " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily,"... one day she was taking a nap... " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Creed? Oh, my God, I have to break up with her. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," That's where is my CD of Creed. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Who else? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," Do you remember this strange girl who wanted you to marry him after two months? You loved him in trouble, but you thought there anyway, so... " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," That was you? It's crazy! " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," Ted, I did it to help you. You're addicted to the commitment. You fell in love with these women, even if they do not deserve you. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," And if one of them was to be the mother of my children? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," If there was any chance, I swear, I would have done anything. As Victoria or Stella. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Or Robin. Or Robin. You made us break too? You made us break too? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," Stop talking to me as if I were your enemy! You know these women cry, but you have the luxury of not knowing what I know: you have these breaks tragic surely avoided a first marriage crap and very expensive. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," You have made us break up? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," You do not want the truth, because deep down, you want me to watch over you. And basically, you know that none of these women would have been the mother of your children. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," You have made us break up? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," I did what I had to do. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," You have made us break up? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," Just as I did! " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," You made me break with Robin? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," No, it's not... " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," I can not believe it. I need another drink. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," I feel a little breeze there. It's nice. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," You think that's good? Come to the mouth of heating.It's like your bazaar was on a tropical island. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," The Little Barney says ""Mahalo."" " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Seriously, just what is your problem? How could you do that? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," I did it because I care about you! " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," My God, what has happened? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," You have not seen the show? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," The show! Sorry. It happened something? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," The routine. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Lily has just told us it made us break. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," What? We do break? What does that mean? And why they wear a night gown? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," A shirt. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," It's called a shirt. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," It turns out that Lily has decided to sabotage many of my relationships, including ours. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," Robin was different. I did not mean that you break, but you wanted different things and you refused to settle it. I could imagine the porch. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," I do not like this scenario. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," I was just trying to make you talk about your problems. I did not know it would lead to your break. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," I have a funny joke. Where you see yourself in five years? You know what's funny? Funny questions. Where you see yourself in five years? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Where do you see yourself in five years? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," And you? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," Not that I want to make you say, but surely you want to get married. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," I would probably get married. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," You would surely be in Tokyo or Paris. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," I would surely be in Argentina. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," In Argentina? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," Or Tokyo, or Paris. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," We have a deadline, does not it? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," My God. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," You can not manipulate people like that! I've known you for 12 years, but I've never been back! " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," I was not... " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," I want to hear! " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," Calm down! Let us be calm! I have a question. This is how when you're in bed? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," Come, let's check. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," So, without you we would come out still together? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," Or you'd been together too long, and would have had an incredibly bitter break without even remain friends, and we would never become best friends. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," Do not say that. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Stop cuddling! You got no right to interfere in my relationships you. You're lucky. You have found the love of your life in a dorm you turn 18. It gives you no right to play God while others are still looking for. You worry so much about who will finish with you on the porch. You know what? Keep it for you. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," It is what happened to your jacket? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," Soot, breadcrumbs, placenta. You have not even registered? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," You're at home, every night, and Lily layer always with you? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," Yeah, marriage, man, unconditional love. You can wear what you want and you get laid. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," Tell me about marriage. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," Sometimes when you're married, the smell of breakfast wakes you ready. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," The coffee too? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," The cafe also. Sometimes she even puts a vase of fresh flowers. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," I love flowers. And sometimes when you're afraid of making wrong choices and you're not the one you wanted to be, what it does? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," It says you're great and everything will be fine. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Barney," It's beautiful. And it helps you to find other girls to sleep with? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," I guess. If you have agreed, perhaps. The guy had a hard day. We'll talk tomorrow. Good night, champ. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Lily," Ted, I'm sorry. No matter who you marry. I know it will be great because she will think you are. To prove my sincerity, I have prepared a surprise for you and Karen at the top. Kisses, Lily. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Marshall," PS: Sorry that the envelope is opened. I read what she wrote. Marshall. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," I realized that no matter what my friends think of my girlfriend, but it really matters what my girlfriend thinks of my friends. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," So, it's over? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Yes. If you wanna be my guest, Lily is a sacred stove. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," beef pie, macaroni and cheese, butter cookie house. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Normal Marshall dies at age 68. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," Thank you. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," Basically, Lily made us break. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," It makes you wonder. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," If it had not been there, we always go out together? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Maybe. She was right. We were not ready. We needed to move forward, we do our stuff. It is always the case. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," We should make a pact. If the years pass and only 40 years old, one is always alone... " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Will you be my wife back? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," A girl dreams of hearing those words. A million times, yes! " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," Okay, that's it. Do we must etablire rules? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," Genre? " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," I know. As not to become huge, that sort of thing. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Robin," Just one thing: no nightgown. " 4x17 - The Front Porch,Ted," I'll never wear. " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted,"... hat cowboy. Listen, I need this job. I have no other option. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," You can always do prof. " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," I have not worked as hard to finish in a crappy job. Get me wrong, Lily. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," I was pissed 3 times this morning. I can not say. " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," I pass this building, so I see you in three days. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," What are you doing? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," A hat-shaped building. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," It's time to talk? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," No. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," What do you think of Robin? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," I have to really work, so... " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Awesome. Say that is a tailor and you have found a nice suit. A nice suit Canada. Superb chest. You try it, but it does not suit you perfectly. So you return it. Then I try it. I'm not too keen... a suit that you have caught the eye, but at the same time, I love this costume. " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," Buy the costume. It is important to you. Tell him how you feel. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," But Ted, remember your answer, because... The costume is Robin. I know! Okay? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," I'm with you. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Now. For I have explained. " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," What... " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," Come on, man, you're on it for three days without stopping. This is your birthday. Come have a beer on the roof. " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," Impossible, the presentation is tomorrow. These hats are not alone. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," That's a big restaurant for tourists. Just put wide doors and chairs strengthened. Birthday beer on the roof. Let's go! " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," Why do you want as I go on the roof? You made me a surprise party? " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," What? We brought you a surprise party, last year.Thou shalt have no surprises on two holidays. The fact that the world has come to the first was surprising. Not? Two surprises on Christmas! It is very strong! It is very strong! Great! Super... It still will not mount. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," Come on. This is boring! I knew it was a bad idea. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," Yes, Robin, I know. This festival is... is... a disaster.It was my idea. I take responsibility. There is one thing to do. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," Marshall, no. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," Lily, I have to! It's useless to procrastinate. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Forget it. It really is not class. At best, it sucks. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," You know who knows how to live? These people. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," It looks to be a... sacred... spa. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Owl. How do we go? We will do what? Jump? " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," I can jump it. " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," Recently, you need two tries to get up from the couch.You can not skip it. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," Really? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," Really. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," Look. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Actually, it's not bad. " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," Right? " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," Do not worry. If I can jump tonight, it will save the evening. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," Honey, come down here, please. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," When Evel Knievel rode his rocket star on the shore of Snake River Canyon, you think his wife said ""Honey, come down here '? " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," For the last time, I'm not Linda Knievel! I will never be Linda Knievel! " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," No need to remind me. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," Marshall, do not do that. Do not jump, please. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," Sorry, but I have to. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," You can not. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," Why? " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," You want a reason? You're going to have one. I am pregnant. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," My God! My God, really? I saw you look fat... " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," I was lying, bastard! Go ahead, jump! I hope u gonna die! " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," This is the permission I needed. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Look, Robin... I must tell you something. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," Wait. Before that, I must tell you something. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," What is it? " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," I think I love you. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," This is Ted. Everyone! Ted, are you? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," She's here, Lily. She looks at me. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," What? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," The goat. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," It's been an incredible thing. I was talking to Robin, I would tell him my feelings, but just before, you will believe what ever she said. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," I think I love you. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," You said what? " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," In your opinion? What we can say to that? " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Robin, you're great listening. You're really great, but we're friends. This is not a good idea. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," You must be right. Have fun. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," You too, sweetie. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," What? " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Once she told me that, more than feelings. I'm more in love. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," You were in love with her, throughout the year and when she feels the same, you love him more. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," It's not great? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," It's a wuss. Not food. How...? " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," It is. It... is... go! It is. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Tracey, tell Lily what you just said. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," No, how you've arrived there. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Come off the bus from Iowa! How lucky that apprentice... dancer off the bus from Iowa... meeting... the producer of the Rockettes? " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," Honey, you're there. You're really there. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," You can make us one of those rum and beer, that your father loves so much? " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," Damn. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," What? " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," Everyone always says, ""Do not tell Lily. Lily can not keep a secret. ""And, usually, they are right. But this time I kept the secret. And here you come with that crap and you force me to become the Lily will spill the beans! " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," What song? There was a piece? " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," There was a song. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," The costume is Robin. I know! Okay? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," I'm with you. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Now. As I explained... " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," What... " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," Shit. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," He said that? My God! What an incredible surprise! " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," You know since when? " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," And you've said anything since? Bravo. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," Bravo, Lily. I mean, what a b*mb. Who saw this coming? " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," You know since when? " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," 7 months and 29 days. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," I will do what? " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," I know. Are you gonna do? " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," I'll marry Barney in a large church. We'll move to New Hampshire and open cottages. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," Really? " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," No! This is Barney. I mean... This is Barney. But it's Barney. I have to say no. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," Boy, you're going to break her... The thing that this black mud pump through his veins. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," You're right. For the first time he likes a girl, she pushes him away? And not just any girl. It's going to destroy it. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," OK, first... Second, there is a trick you can try. It's risky, but it can pay off. Lack of anything better, I'll call it... The Mosby. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," The Mosby? " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," No, she can not mosbyser. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," It could squarely mosbyser. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," What is the Mosby? " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," Do you remember your first time with Ted? You wanted to get on the train Ted, visit his yard. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," I was ready to jump the turnstile. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," What changed everything? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," I think I love you. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," What? " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," The Mosby! It's great! And... excuse me. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," You're really pretty, but abnormally high and you will not believe in ghosts. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," So... when she said love me, she meant... otherwise. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," That's it. It worked well. You are back to normal. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Yes. It's true. And it's great. It's great. So Robin does not like me. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," No. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Why? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," Mr. Goat? M. The goat? Enough. Crazy Goat. I do not understand your fascination with this mop. It should be normal with a brain the size of a... " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," Marshall, you can pick up Ted? " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," I was about to jump. You've not heard saying ""OK"" loop? " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," I'm sorry. Go ahead and jump. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," It's good. Sorry, everyone. Lily does not want me jumping. Thank God. " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," The hospital! " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," What has happened? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," It happened... you left a wild animal in our apartment. I've been attacked. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," This is the sweetest and adorable goat in the world. " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," ""The sweetest and adorable goat in the world""? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," It's the goat jumped on me! Can I go? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," Great, I'm late for my presentation. Thank you, Mr. Goat. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," Mr. Goat? It's a girl. Her name is Missy. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," You got beat by a girl. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," So... You're in love with me? " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," What? Yes. Much. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," You can stop. Lily told me everything. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," Damn, Lily! " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," I can not believe it. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," It's just... You mean to me, Barney. And... This kind of stuff, the emotional side. This is not your type. I thought you avoid that. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Maybe I will not avoid it. I am perhaps. I have not wanted for a long time. But with you, it does not look so...difficult. I know not. I thought... you felt the same. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," Maybe. I know not. I am not good to face the feelings.There is clearly something... between us. Maybe my head said, ""stifles it in the bud"" because my heart said... something else. Listen... I feel for you. Maybe even that I love you. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," It's going pretty fast, do not you think? " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," What? " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," We're good friends. Why risk everything? Friends? " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," Friends. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," My God. You just do it again. You've mosbysé! " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," But no. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," But if, little flirtatious. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," You're right. I've just mosbyser. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Why are you scared to try? " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," Because I'm afraid of how I could love you. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Bad idea. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," You're right. There must be a mistake. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," No. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," I love you. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Friends. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," Friends, then. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," I love you. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," Let's get married. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," No, you're smothering me. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," OK, forget it. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," You know what? We'll see later. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," Yeah, let's go. " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," There he is, gentlemen. Rib Town. Is it not? Is it not? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," What? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," Sven... " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," I'll tell you, I will eat more chops. " 4x24 - The Leap,Barney," Yeah, right. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," I will not eat.. never... chops! Before Ted! " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," It's a disaster. How I will recover? " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," OK, I'm just asking. You really want to recover? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," What does that mean? " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," Architecture is k*ll you and it k*ll us to see her k*ll you.You're like the goat with the mop. You want it so much, and whenever the world try to get the resume, it hooks you. But you know what? This is only a wimp. Why do you want? " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," Because I have to be an architect. This is... That's the plan. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," In the crapper, the plan. I wanted to be a famous artist.Marshall wanted to be environmental lawyer. Robin wanted to be a TV reporter. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," I am a TV reporter. I am on the air at 4am. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," It continues? Bravo. " 4x24 - The Leap,Robin," What someone looks, please. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," Barney wanted to be a violinist. Need not tell me. You can not draw your life as a building. It does not work like that. You must live it and draw it to itself. " 4x24 - The Leap,Ted," So what, I should do anything? " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," Look what the world tells you to do and took the leap. " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," You're right. You're completely right. I love you, Lily. " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," A metaphorical leap. A metaphorical leap! " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," I did it! " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," Honey, you did it! " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," I can do anything! " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," It's true! " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," I bought a motorcycle! " 4x24 - The Leap,Lily," No, not at all! " 4x24 - The Leap,Marshall," OK, sorry. Come on, guys. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"We've been trying and trying, and still nothing's happened. I'm just worried we can't have children. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Six days. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Something must be wrong. W... we're doing it a lot. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"And everywhere... the kitchen, the bathroom, the living room, outside in your wait... the kitchen. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Seriously, Doc, why isn't this happening? " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Dr. John Stangel? I don't know, baby, do we really need a specialist? " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Well, what's your plan, Marshall, just have unprotected sex day after day after day in every position imaginable until...? Wait, it sounded worse in my head. " 6x13 - Bad News,Barney,"Guys, we've got a problem. This is the application for the regional doubles laser tag tournament in Poughkeepsie. Problem is, only one of you can be my partner. So it looks like we've got a bake-off. You may now present your arguments. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"I'm not playing laser tag. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"I'm absolutely not playing laser tag. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Damn it. " 6x13 - Bad News,Barney,"And Marshall's the winner. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Well, I'm gonna call Dr. Stangel. It can't hurt. " 6x13 - Bad News,Barney,"Yeah, and it cuts in and out. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Ooh! How did you do it? " 6x13 - Bad News,Barney,"Oh, God, you found one of the cameras. I swear that's the only one. Wait, which one did you find? " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"What are you talking about? " 6x13 - Bad News,Barney,"What are you talking about? " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"My visit to a certain Dr. Stangel. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Just one, ""Dr. Stangel"". Where'd you get the beard? " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Lily, I've been with Barney since 9:00 a.m. Between the sexual harassment seminar all morning and the secretary beauty pageant all afternoon, he hasn't left my sight. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Wait, so you weren't wearing a fake beard and examining girl parts all day? " 6x13 - Bad News,Barney,"Not today I wasn't. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"Wow, we finally found Barney's doppelganger. I guess we can tell you now, Lily. That hot dog guy did not look like Barney. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Uh, Marshall? " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Yes, I know, we made our little deal with the universe, but... " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"No, we've made a binding covenant with the universe. We said we weren't going to try to have kids until we saw Barney's doppelganger. Oh, this is bad news. This is like a black cat walked through my uterus. Okay, that's it. I am going back to Dr. Stangel and getting thoroughly checked out. " 6x13 - Bad News,Barney,"Or... or cost-saving alternativeyou could get checked out by someone who looks just like him. I'm gonna go scrub up. I'll meet you in stall three. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"I still kind of think it's Barney. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"There's no way it's Barney. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"It's Barney. Wow. Really, dude, bravo. You almost got a peek. But seriously, what second-rate community theater did you get...? " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"So my wife and I are trying to get pregnant. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Uh-uh, no. Can't do it. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"No, but, baby, I yanked on his beard. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"No, Barney... Doctor, wait, please, it's... Can you just give us a couple minutes? I... Lily, how can I convince you that this is not Barney? " 6x13 - Bad News,Barney,"Wow, it is like looking into a poorly dressed mirror. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Okay. Convinced. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"""Suit up""... not convinced. This whole thing stinks to high heaven. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Baby, you just saw Barney. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"He could have pulled some crazy switch. Remember when his Swedish cousin came to visit? " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Oh, yeah... Bjorney. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Yeah, I'm sorry, but unless I see Barney at the same time, I... I'll never be sure that Dr. Stangel isn't him. " 6x13 - Bad News,Barney,"How you doing, Lily?! Should I have a boner?! " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Thank you. " 6x13 - Bad News,Barney,"Hey, you don't mind if I take pictures, do you?! " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Can we leave him in here for a while? " 6x13 - Bad News,Barney,"Aw, yeah. Smile for the birdie, Lil! Gyno-mite! " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"So, first day of work? " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"Hi, guys. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"Sandy Rivers?! " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"Oh, I hate that guy. " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"It gets worse. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"You had sex with Sandy Rivers? " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"No! Ugh! And I can't believe it's my first day, and already I'm the girl who slept with the host of the show. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"Already? Were you planning on eventually sleeping with the host? " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"Well, now that I know it's Sandy, I'm not. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Hey, babe. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Hi, honey. There's a couple messages on the machine. Your dad called. He wants to know if you have any sixes. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Yeah, uh, we got a game of ""Go Fish"" going on the phone. P.S., Pops, go fish. Who's the second message from? " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Dr. Stangel's office. I'm extremely fertile. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"You're extremely fertile! Oh, my God. I told you there was nothing to worry about. I got to call my dad and tell him the good news. If you're fertile, um, then that means I'm the problem. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Okay, now you're being ridiculous. An hour ago, you didn't even think there was a problem. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Well, I was just putting on a brave face. Okay, think about itwe've had unprotected sex 203 times in the past four months. Obviously I'm the problem. " 6x13 - Bad News,Barney,"Problem?! You can't get a girl pregnant. That's the dream. I'd give my firstborn to not be able to have children. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"So, second day of work? " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"What's wrong? " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"Oh, you didn't hear? She's the office slut. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Already? Oh, honey. " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"I wish I was the office slut. " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"And we can explore how those policy changes will affect Iraq. " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"We did not have sex. " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"I don't know, maybe because I'm a smart, talented, professional. " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"Thank you. " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"We did have sex. " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"But this reporter takes pride in... " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"And now everyone calls me Scherpoopie. It's not funny. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"Robin, a word of adviceplay along. Okay, the more you fight it, the worse it's going to get. It's like when your car slides on ice, you steer into the skid. " 6x13 - Bad News,Barney,"Exactly! Or when your... I don't know... friend invites you to a laser tag tournament, you don't fight it. You just strap on the vinyl holster and race into that abandoned JCPenney g*n a-blazin'. I'm just agreeing with Ted. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Oh, it's my dad. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"Aren't you going to get it? " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"No, no, you know what? Um, I'm gonna get my stuff checked out first. I'll call my dad after Dr. Stangel gives me the thumbs up. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"He has to do that? " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"But I thought you talk to your dad about everything. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"I only like to call my dad with good news. I mean, telling him good news is what makes it feel real to me. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"I'm getting married! " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"I passed the bar! " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"I found an amazing Viking lamp that fits right on the coffee table, as long as we don't mind stepping over the cord. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Right?! I found someone who can fix the Viking lamp! " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"But the news that I might not be able to give him a grandchild? You know, like, I don't even know how to have that conversation. " 6x13 - Bad News,Barney,"I'll show you. ""Dad, there's, uh, there's something I need to tell you, and it's going to come as a bit of a shock to you, but here goes. You are speaking to the 2011 Tri-County Laser Tag Co-Champion"". " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Barney, I've already told... " 6x13 - Bad News,Barney,"""Oh, and my sperm don't work. Yeah, yeah, the laser tag thing is awesome"". " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"So, third day of work? " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"And the fertilizer is seeping into the ground water, causing... " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"Okay, yes, I, uh, I fell into some manure. It's hilarious, fine. In a five-year career of on-air reports, there are bound to be a few embarrassing moments. " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"Uh, but in my case, it was just the one, and you found it, so, uh... Just the one. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"Oh, God. What did they find? " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"Everything. " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"*Everybody, come and play*... I'm a dirty, dirty girl... *Throw every last care away; Let's go to the mall today; Today, today*... The Federal Reserve Board voted to leave interest... * Let's go to the mall; Today; Let's go to the ma-a-all; Let's got to the mall today; Let's go to the ma-a-all; Today; Let's go to the mall; Today; Let's go to the ma-a-all; Today... ; Let's go to the mall... * " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"They even found the video of me getting attacked by an owl. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"You got attacked by an owl? " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"I did not get attacked by an owl. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"Robin, listen, here's what you need to do... " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"Okay, don't you dare tell me to steer into the skid, okay? It's too late. I'm already wrapped around a hydro pole. It's a Canadian telephone pole. I never should have taken this job. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"Show me ""owl attack"". " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"I am freaking out. Is there a chance that I can't have kids? I've been hit in the nuts a lot. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"I can't do it, Doc. Is there, like, another option? Could I... Could I take this home? " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Only way I know how, Doc. Only way I know how. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Mom. Dad. Uh... What are you doing here? " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Go fish. Excuse me. Hey, Lily, can I just talk to you in here for a minute? " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Oh, yeah. Isn't it great? They just showed up. Your mom's already rearranged my kitchen, organized my closet... and she asked me if I lost height. Not weight. Height. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Yeah, I'm very excited that they're here, too. But right now, I have to get excited about something else. " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Oh, okay. Well, I'll go handle your parents. And you handle your, well... Wait, wait, wait. Marshall. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Thank you, baby. You're the best. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"Uh... Okay, I did a bad thing last night. I looked up his address. " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"Who? " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"Sorry. You said ""who"". It reminded me of the owl footage. Genius. No. Sandy. How dare he laugh at you. Who does he think... Sorry. ""Who"". Anyway. I looked up his address in your contact list. " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"Oh, God. Tell me you didn't go over there. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"I just thought he needed to listen to common sense and reasonable discourse. " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"Oh, God. Tell me those aren't the names of your fists. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"They're my feet. I'm actually more of a kicker. So I went to his apartment. " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"Oh, my God. This is... " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"This is how you make sure Sandy never makes fun of you again. I told you to steer into the skid. That was bad advice. So new advice. Steer into Sandy, and run him down. " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"If people found out Sandy wears a toupee... " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"Really? That's your take-away? Nothing on the bear in the bra? " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"Oh, no. He's very open about that. That's Gregory. Nice guy. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"This isn't working. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"I'm... I'm going to... I'm... I'm going to... " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"He's going to masturbate. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Lily! " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Marshall, just tell them what's going on. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"And so, now, I'm just scared that we won't be able to give you a grandchild. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Aw, yeah. Maybe adoption. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Wait, you knew? " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"So? Possibly last day of work? " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"Actually, it was a good day. " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"Actually, Sandy, I have something I think you're all gonna want to see. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"Yes! Put him in a body bag! " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"Okay, I didn't do it. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"What? " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"I didn't want to just viciously attack someone out of the blue like some kind of... " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"Owl? " 6x13 - Bad News,Robin,"Exactly. So, instead of taking your advice, I took your advice. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Oh, God. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"It's just... " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Damn it, Barney! What are you doing in here? " 6x13 - Bad News,Barney,"Think about it, Marshall. All entrants get 20% off at the snack bar! Oh, BT-dub, the receptionist. What's her situation? " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"And? " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"My sperm is fine! " 6x13 - Bad News,Barney,"Bro, that is awesome. Motility five! " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Hey, um, can I borrow your phone? I want to call my dad. " 6x13 - Bad News,Ted,"Yeah, go ahead. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"Man, this is great. I was expecting bad news. I really was. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"You're here! Oh, my God! I love you so much! Can you believe it? " 6x13 - Bad News,Lily,"Marshall... Something's happened. Um... Your father, he had a heart attack. He... he didn't make it. " 6x13 - Bad News,Marshall,"My dad's dead? I'm not ready for this. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"You know how Aunt Robin's a big fan of Halloween, always dressing up in crazy costumes? Well, she wasn't always that way. Back in 2005, she thought she was too cool for Halloween, unlike Aunt Lily. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Guess what came in the mail today? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"Our costumes? Do they rule? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"They rule. And yours is 100% wool so you won't get hypothermia like last year. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"Tarzan nipple blue. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"You know what I love about Halloween? It's the one night of the year chicks use to unleash their inner ho-bag. If a girl dresses up as she a witch, she's a slutty witch. If she's a cat, she's a slutty cat. If she's a nurse... " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"(interrupting " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"She's a slutty nurse. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"Robin, what are you doing for Halloween? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Oh, I don't know. Probably hanging out with Mike, this guy I've been seeing. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Mike? There's a Mike? You have a boyfriend? You haven't told us? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"No, I mean, he's not my boyfriend. He's just this guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"(in a sing-song voice) " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"So why haven't we met him? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"We're not really ready to go public yet. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"(in a sing-song voice) " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"How about we go about a Halloween double-date? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"I don't know, we were kinda thinking about staying at home and dressing up as naked people. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Come on, Robin, trot our your new fella. Let us judge and evaluate him behind your back. It'll be fun. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"Hey, Ted, you'll never guess what happened? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Your costumes came. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"Our costumes...yes, that is why we're best friends. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Hey, Ted, what are you doing for Halloween? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Well. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,", Lily, BarneyAwww. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,", Lily, Awww. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"What? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Every Halloween Ted waits for the Slutty Pumpkin. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"That's right. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"What's the Slutty Pumpkin? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"You mean, who is the Slutty Pumpkin? It was four years ago. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"I was at this Halloween party up on the roof of our building. I'm about to call it an early night when out of nowhere appeared this girl in the sexiest pumpkin costume. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Wait, how can a pumpkin costume be sexy? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"It was carved in strategic places. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"So, uh, we're at the bar and I see her mix kahlua... " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Kahlua and root beer " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"A cocktail she invented herself. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"And she... " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"And she called it the Tootsie Roll. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Because it tastes like an alcoholic Tootsie Roll. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Hey, can I please tell this story? So we had this instant connection. She gave me her number, but then something... " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Something went terribly wrong. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Guys! Something went terribly wrong. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Happy Halloween. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Sonny, where's Cher? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Cher? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"Right here, babe. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"I just met the perfect woman. She's funny. She's beautiful. She loves Star Wars. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. What's her take on Ewoks? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Loves them. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"Oh good. I don't know why people are so cynical about Ewoks. The Rebellion would have failed without the Ewoks. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Get this, she's a marine biologist. She spent a year in Antarctica studying penguins. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"Oh, penguins are cool, kinda like black and white Ewoks. I approve. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Hey, where's my, uh, Kit Kat? I put it right here on this table. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"I don't know, but we have plenty of chocolate here. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"No no no, you don't understand. I need that Kit Kat. She wrote her number on that wrapper. Where is it? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Uh-oh. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Hey, Dracula. Come on. Give me your candy. Gimme! " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Where's the Kit Kat? Where's the Kit Kat! " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Never found her number, never saw her again. But every year they have a Halloween party up on the roof so that's where I'll be. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"You know, Ted, it's been four years. She could be engaged or married or, God forbid, fat. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"I don't know, I got a feeling. This could be the year. Halloween is a night of wonder and magic. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"OK, bring the mockery. Fine, I can take it. Come on, wouldn't it be the coolest story ever if the Slutty Pumpkin turned out to be my future wife? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Oh, on the off chance that that could happen, maybe we should stop calling her the Slutty Pumpkin. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"(from bedroom) " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Can't wait. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"So, what do you think? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,": " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Wow! Marshall, you wearing eye liner? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"Oh, yeah. Weirdly hot, right? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"We are so gonna win the costume contest this year. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"First prize, $50 gift certificate at the bar. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"And how much did you pay for your costumes? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"$100 " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"( " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Well, I think you guys look great. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"What are you going as? Oh, like I even have to ask. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Hey, I want the Slutty Pumpkin to recognize me and she knows me as a hanging chad. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"What? She thought it was hilarious. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Yeah, four years ago, but nobody remembers what the hell a hanging chad is. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"What a sad commentary on our national attention span that we could forget such a turbulent time in our political history. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"( " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"All right, Polly gotta pee. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"Again? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Where are you going? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"It's an elaborate costume. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"No, no, not again. Not this year. You're going as my wingman. Flight suit up! " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"No thanks. I'm sticking with the hanging chad. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Oh you're dangerous, Maverick. Your ego's writing check your body can't cash. OK. Here's the plan, and I crap you not. I'm getting us into the Victoria's Secret Halloween party. Trust me, by the end of the night, your chad will not be hanging. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"We can get rejected by supermodels any night of the year. Tonight, I'm going up to the roof, I'm gonna have a few beers, I'm gonna wait for the Slutty Pumpkin. That's just what I do. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Hm, (putting up left hand) Victoria's Secret models prancing around in bras and panties, or (putting up right hand) Yale preppies reuniting their stupid a capella group. What's that left hand? Right hand sucks? Word. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"I'm heading up to the roof. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Well, boys, looks like it's just the three of us. What's that? Self-five? Nice. (high fives himself) We out. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Hey, Chad, how's it hanging? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Hey, word play. Funny. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,": " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,": " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"I'm a parrot. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"You sure are. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Where's Mike? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"He's meeting me here. I ran late covering the Halloween parade in the Village. There are like a zillion gay pirates this year. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"Seriously, does my eye liner look OK? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Yes, it's weirdly hot. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"(to Robin) " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Uh, you know, Mike and I joked about doing something together but we decided not to dress up. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Oh, geez. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Ah, everyone, this is Michael. Th-that is not his real hair. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"You thought I was...Oh, I was just kidding. I gotta stop making jokes in e-mails. It's so hard to convey tone. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"( " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"I can't believe you talked me into this. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"I didn't. You followed me up here. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"This party sucks. There are seven chicks here. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"There are six chicks here. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Relax, the night is young. It's gonna get better. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"(talking like pirate) " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Arr-gyle. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"(talking like a pirate) " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Arrr-by's " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"(talking like a pirate) " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Actually I kinda need this hand to eat. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Oh yeah. Oh, thank you " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"(like pirate) " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"It's so nice to meet you, Mike. You guys are really cute together. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"This cheeseburger is so... " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"I think you won the dish-off tonight, baby. This steak totally bitch-slapped my pork chop. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"That might be true but your rice pilaf kicked my spinach in the crotch so hard it threw up a little bit. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Oh, well, that's good. I'm OK, thanks. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"I'm just really feeling this cheeseburger. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Dude, I'm kind of in the zone here. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Oh for God's sake. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Really tasty. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Hey. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"So, what does a fella have to do to get lei'd around here? Yeah. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"It isn't funny if you explain the joke. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Let's bail. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Oh, Barney, come on, I'm having fun. It's really great seeing these guys again. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Name one person you know at this party. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Well, there's ninja, back of horse. Where's front of horse? That guys a riot. Where is he? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"OK, I'm leaving, but just know that this Victoria's Secret party is on a yacht. And what will be sticking to that yacht? The Barnacle. (points to self) " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Really? That's the nickname now? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Yeah, the Barnacle. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"The Barnacle. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"That's it. Barnacle out. (Barney walks away) " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Have fun, Barnacle. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"So, do you like Mike? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Do you like Mike? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Of course I do. Why? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"It just doesn't seem like it. You won't share your food. You won't wear a costume. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Ah, Lily, you know me, I'm just not into all that couple-y stuff. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"OK, I know that stuff looks dumb from the outside, but it's kinda the greatest thing in the world when you're a part of it. If you just give it a chance, you might like it. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Are you trying to get me to join a cult? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Robin, Mike likes you. If you don't start meeting him halfway, you're gonna lose him. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"What? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Look, it's Halloween. Just put on the girlfriend costume for the night. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"OK, what am I supposed to do? Buy him a giant teddy bear or something? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"How about you start by sharing dessert. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"I can share dessert. He better want the brownie sundae, but yeah, yeah, I can totally share. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Barney. What, you're back? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"That's right. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"In a totally new costume. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume in case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party. That way I have a second chance to make a first impression. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"What's with the face? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"It's half you're pathetic, half I have to pee. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"So go to the bathroom. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"No, there's a huge line. I don't want to miss the Slutty Pumpkin. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"So pee off the roof. Ooh, Ted, pee off the roof. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Come on, Ted, who are you going to listen to? Me or Mr. Goody-goody over there. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"A little to the left, Marshall. Lily, squat down. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"This is gonna be a slaughter. None of these other costumes even come close to ours. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Take the damn picture. ( " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Got it. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"I still think we should have won as Sonny and Cher. Maybe if I had worn that red dress. Ha! If I could turn back time. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Wow, this sundae looks so good I could eat the whole thing. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"But, um, I would much rather share this small, one-scoop sundae with you, Mike. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"Apple tart, excellent choice, Lilypad. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Thanks, Marshmallow. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Well, let's dig in, Mi... Mi... Microwave Oven. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Let me guess. Every guy has used the lei'd line on you tonight. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"I apologize for my gender. Let me make it up to you. Make you a drink. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"I'm also a horny devil. (pointing to horns on top of head) Yeah. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"(to Angel Guy) " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"No, you found it. I came with you. Go on. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"I cannot get enough of it. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"I'm crazy and you're crazy for tiramisu. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"No, no, no, I mean it just sounds a little bit weird, doesn't it? We love tiramisu. Is it really a group activity, loving tiramisu? Right? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"So this Italian place? How's their cannoli? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"See there, hungry. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Hey, is that Gary Oldman? (pointing behind Mike and Marshall) " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Brain freeze. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"OK Victoria's Secret party right now. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Nope. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Come on, I can't stand to watching my delusional friend waste another precious Halloween. The Slutty Pumpkin is not coming. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"She might. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Oy. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Come on, Barney, this is not about the odds, this is about believing. This girl, she represents something to me, I don't know, hope. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Wow. I did not understand a word you just said. Lingerie models on a boat! " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,": " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"No, see ya. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Wanna drink the melty part? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Hey, I thought we were gonna follow those bread crumbs back to my place, Hansel " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"I like being with you. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Well, who uses ink? Sorry. OK, I'm a bit set in my ways. That doesn't mean that this won't work. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Wait, are we breaking up? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"She spent a year in Antarctica studying penguins. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Uh, excuse me, this is gonna sound crazy, but I met someone up on this roof four years ago and they mixed that cocktail and they loved penguins. By any chance, was that you? It's you. I was crazy but I can't... " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"You are such a loser. Come on, I came back for you, Ted. I penguin-suited up to show you the error of your ways. And to score hula girl's number. Check and check. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Unbelievable. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Yes, it is. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"What? No no, that's some other guy and he was a kick-ass fighter pilot " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Yeah, well, you did, thanks. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Uh, I don't think so. I earned it fair and square. I'm calling you. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"But how will you know it's me? I'm a master of disguise. Yeah. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Nice. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Come on, Ted, Victoria's Secret party now. Let's go. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"I'm staying. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"Fine. Fine. (puts his flipper up towards Ted) " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"What are you doing? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Barney,"I'm flippering you off. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Sweetie, I'm so sorry. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Seriously it's not a big deal. He wanted to be a 'we,' and I wanted to be an 'I'. Dudes are such chicks. You guys, I'm fine. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"Oh yeah! " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"Wait. What did he say? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"Oh, who cares, Marshall? We won! " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"Gay pirate, where are you getting that from? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"OK, I just want everybody here to know that I'm not a gay pirate. I have sex with my parrot all the time. That came out wrong. Oh yeah, it doesn't matter! We won! " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Lily,"I love you, Marshmallow. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Marshall,"I love you too, Lilypad. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"You guys, let me get a picture. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"I had a feeling I'd find you here. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Hey. If you're here for the Shagarats, you just missed the fourth encore. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"I never played any team sports " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Are we playing 'I never' cuz there's nothing left but peach schnapps. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"I played tennis in high school. You know why? Because it was just me out there. I couldn't even stand playing doubles. I just got dumped. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Man, that sucks. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Yeah, it's OK. I wasn't that into him. Story of my life. Everyone else is all falling in love and acting stupid and goofy and sweet and insane, but not me. Why don't I want that more? I want to want that. Am I wired wrong or something? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted," No. Look, you didn't want to be with me so clearly you have abysmal taste in men. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"But you're wired just fine. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Well, what if I'm just a cold person? Tonight, Mike was willing to look like a complete idiot for me, but I couldn't be Gretel. Why can't I be Gretel? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Because you just haven't met the right Hansel yet. One day you're gonna meet a guy who's gonna make you want to look like a complete idiot. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin," Really? " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Yeah, he's out there somewhere, just like the Slutty Pumpkin. (echoes) pumpkin-pumpkin... " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"How do you do this, Ted? How do you sit out here all night on the roof in the cold and still have faith your pumpkin's gonna show up. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Ted,"Well, I'm pretty drunk. Look, I know that odds are the love of my life isn't going to magically walk through that door in a pumpkin costume at 2:43 in the morning but it seems as nice a spot as any to just, you know, sit and wait. " 1x06 - Slutty Pumpkin,Robin,"Scoot. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," Your girlfriend? This is your girlfriend!? It is small and it's your friend? Do not humanize the enemy. But, delighted. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," Come on. Open it. It's p*rn collection! Just kidding. It would be weird. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," It's your p*rn collection. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," This is my collection of p*rn! I offer you my p*rn. Now that it goes really well with Robin, I need more. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Voluntarily, you abandon your p*rn...? You're really serious. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," This is obvious. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," What does that mean? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," Nothing, it's just, you know, you have love handles. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," What?! I have no love handles. This is ridiculous. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," It's nothing. Once you're with someone, it is natural to let some go. Trust me. It's been there. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," He really is growing at a time. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," We gotta go. Goodbye, my dear friends. You were always there for me. We will miss you. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," He speaks to p*rn. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," Hi, Robin. A more. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," Hi. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," My God, matte videos. The orgy of space? The surprise party of 23 students naughty? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," You'd think after 22 celebrations, students would no longer surprises. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," You can get rid of it. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," No, it's not a problem. I'll do it. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Are you sure? It's nothing. We can go around back and throw the box in the trash. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," I read six of the words you just said about this jacket. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," Seriously, this is nothing. I'm on it. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Because... " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," Let them! In a sense, it's sad, right? Barney who abandons his p*rn. He has love handles. They eat the same thing every night. We are witnessing the end of Barney Stinson as we know it. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," So what? They are happy. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Let's go. A more. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," So you're what? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," I Tail-Dalle. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," What...? I thought I had seen in one take. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Yeah. It's called Tail-Dalle. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," ArchiSexTure. That's not how you write ""Buckminster Fuller."" " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," I get rid of this horrible p*rn on the field. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," If you watch this tape, and I knew it... is that you are in possession of all my p*rn. It can only mean two things, either I'm dead or I'm in a committed relationship. If I died, I want you honor my memory by taking my body in the Hamptons and recreating Weekend at Bernie. I want to dance. I want to make love. And I want to go fishing. If, on the other hand, I'm in a relationship, as best friend, I have one favor to ask. Please, for God's sake, get me out of here! " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," I can look happy, but do not believe it. Barney Stinson is suited for celibacy. Out of pity, if our best friends account... And yes, Marshall, I'm his best friend, how you take it? So, get me out of here. And finally, since you hoping to see some p*rn... Do not worry. The green light means it is off. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," We're sure he had done? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," There is no reason to take it seriously, though? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," No, of course. This is an old tape. Barney is pleased with Robin. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," So what you did last night? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," I wanted to go to a concert. Him at a party. We could obviously do what the other wanted, so we stayed to watch a movie on cable. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," It was Legen... wait... the Autumn. Legends of the Fall!It was fun. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," I spotted this girl there, and I will need help to land the plane. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," Sorry, I have my own way tonight. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," How do you go? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," Super. Relations are deadly... " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," Shut up... " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," Exchanges and compromise... " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," Shut up... " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," Monogamy is the best. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," Shut up. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," Tagline! " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," Shut up. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," More hungry... " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," I can... in a minute. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," They k*ll. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," They love each other. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," Barney and Robin are in love, but they are more Barney and Robin. They are big and old. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," My favorite cop show. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," This is obvious. Barney eats too much because he hates to lose his freedom. Robin and stress because she hates what has become Barney. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," They are perfect together. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," It might be the problem. They are too similar. It's hard to have two dominant in a relationship. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," We are two dominant sets. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Of course, my heart. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," If they are not happy, why not break? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," They are too stubborn. Neither wants to be the first to admit he no longer wants. They play at first that deflates. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," I think the first who plays Barney deflates. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," It's a bad time. It takes time to get used to each other. They are... How do you say ""selfish"" nicely? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Independents. Every relationship goes through there. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," It's true... I had a friend astronaut, totally in love with his fiancee. On the eve of her mission, she surprised him with four other girls and two guys. It has become intense. She ended up sneaking into the space shuttle... " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," Talk about Space Orgy? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," Yeah. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," It's a bad time. Let us do things. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," She's right. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Two against one, Ted. Let them. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," Did you notice that the beef ribs were absolutely disgusting, but recently they have become delicious? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," I'll get to the point, and ask you a question. Are you happy with Robin? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," Are you kidding?! How could I not be? It's Robin! " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," So you're happy? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," Can you ask me this question. We argue constantly, but you know what they say about relationships, ""Every moment is a battle."" " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," So you're happy? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," And you know what happens right after a fight? Gender reconciliation. What is different... when you're in a loving and lasting relationship. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," Stack we make love, we order a pizza face and it stays there to moan. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," Okay. Decides that the piece. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," What was the pizza again? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," Face. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," It's face. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," Sex... I'm right? Fortunately, it is becoming rare. I'm still hungry. You're hungry? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," We must break them. You're right. Barney and Robin are unhappy together but they are too stubborn to admit it. We must make the break. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," What next? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," We will release... the Kraken. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Forget. I took my retirement. I no longer. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," But you're the best. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," I swear, I gave up these shots there. I became legit. I am now matchmaker. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," Find me someone. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," I just started. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," Please. You've got to break. This relationship is k*ll them. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," I know, but I learned the lesson. I no longer interferes. I let things. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," It's two against one. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," But the one that's me. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," No need for it. We can do it alone. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," How? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," When I was with Robin, you remember the only thing that made pinball? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," You do not have the right to do this to me. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," What are you talking? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," From this! That's what I mean. How does it feel in my champagne? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," If Robin thinks for one second that Barney wants to marry her, she Petera a lead and they will break. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," That sucks. Why not let Barney be tempted by a sexy girl? Okay, going to the ring. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," A surveillance van. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," What? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," It should take one. We have ordered pizza, watched through binoculars and said, ""That's not why I signed,"" or stuff like that. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," The server arrives. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," Please, shut up. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," What? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," I thought you had mentioned, sorry. This is an engagement ring?Are you...? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," No, this is not one. They had the wrong table. You can imagine we are married? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," We're committed to one another. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," Your business is already in my apartment. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," Easier for taxes. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," And for your naturalization. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," ""Scherbatsky"" is hard to spell. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," My mother would be so happy. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," Yeah, I guess. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," No reason not to do so. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," We get married! " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," Not so loud, shit. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," What did you do? I'm furious now. It will not? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," You will be my bridesmaid? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Oh, my God! I'd love to! " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," You have lost your mind? You knew they were playing that first deflates, and what? You give them an engagement ring!Okay, that's good. I care. I return to the center stage for a final rupture. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," What next? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," They are up to their necks. A single argument will not suffice. We must revive the four largest arguments they've ever had, at one time. Number one, the battle of dirty dishes. Number two, the conflict of ex-girlfriends. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," You do not know any that girl over there? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," No, I do not think. No, actually, I do not know... This is Meg. I do not compare in my mind there. Can you pick me? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," Really? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Number three, the altercation Star Wars. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," You're not a bit old for that stupid doll? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," It's not a doll. It's a stormtrooper. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," He wears a diaper. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," No, it's protective armor. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," A stormtrooper? Rather a storm-merdeur. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," Come on. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," It looks like your storm-merdeur the changes we need. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," You know, I'm sick. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," I said nothing. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," The jokes about magic, the stormtrooper... " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," And, of course, the biggest, the Canadian-American w*r. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," thank you God, the song is over. Who was the old devil who sang? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," You know Neil Young is my favorite musician. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," She was the wife of Archie in All in the family, or the same voice? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," Neil Young is a Canadian treasure. Do not make fun of Neil Young. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," I never make fun of an old lady paralyzed vocal cord... " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," I've found. I have found. They maile images reminding those fights. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Poor kid. This is how it will happen. They are the restau... First, it rekindles debate US-Canada, when Alan Thicke, a native of Ontario, going to their table. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," Alan Thicke? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," Oh yes. Robin was known when she sang. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," They are always in contact. I had his number on the mobile Robin. Seriously... amateurs. So, Alan Thicke stimulus battle USA / Canada. Just then, Meg-the-crazy happens. Then, a stormtrooper happening in the street.And just when they are tired, a diver passes with a basin full of what? Dirty dishes. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," This is your masterpiece. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," It takes a surveillance van! " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," A Break? Really? You have rented a station wagon? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," A van costs $ 25 more. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," A Break? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Get in the car. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," What is that thing? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," They did not stormtrooper so I had to take another robot. It will work also. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," Another robot? The stormtroopers are not robots. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Of course they are robots! ""Must k*ll Luke Skywalker"" " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," No one said this in Star Wars. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," Very bad robot voice. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," A film of Barney begins like that. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," Barney Five... order something. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," Now you mention the movie. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," It continues. The server supports a second sheet. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," We need it here. It is in hiding. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," A van is more expensive. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," Thank you! " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," If you work the costume, they will pay us. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," Stop and think only of money. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Give a hand to the stormtrooper. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall,"Ted and It's not a stormtrooper. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," Thank you! " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," $ 25! " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," No, go up. Wait... When they blew the Death Star with thousands of stormtroopers it was human? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," It was the Death Star. They did not sign in the wind. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," You were in this video? The guy with the tan of a farmer? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," You know what? Everyone, stop! Alan thicke, close it!Marshall is a break. Put-in-t. Ted, stop talking about p*rn. And for God's sake, give the pizza stormtrooper! " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall,"Ted and It's not a stormtrooper! " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Damn! They see us. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," You're sure they've seen us? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," Forget it is located. If you try something, they'll know it's us. We should all go... " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," This is my masterpiece. And then they saw us? It will work anyway. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," Come on. We find something else. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Alan Thicke, to you. Go ahead. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," They kiss? They should not! Why it does not work? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," Because they love. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," It was a bad spot. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," What am I doing? All this was a mistake. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Ted," I thought that I would not say that this coir, but... Robin and Barney, the happy couple. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," Where is Barney? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," It was broken. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," Look at us. It is horrible all the time like that? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," I'm not happy. Finally, I would be. Nothing would make me happier than to be happy, but... I'm not. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," What are we doing wrong? We love. If it does not work, what then? We are so similar. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," We love scotch. It is awesome. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," That might be it. There may be too great there. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," Exactly. Two awesome cancel out, and... I'm tired of being canceled. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," Me too. We separate? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," I think. Shit. Following happens. After which you and I can not become friends again. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," It's maybe not a break. This is perhaps... two friends... who find themselves. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," It's a stormtrooper? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," It's not a stormtr... We're going from here? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," In addition, Alan. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," Friends that are found. I like it. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," One for the Road? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," And then who knows? Maybe in 40 years, if you have not found anyone... " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," I am already involved with Ted. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," It's true. Thin. Maybe in 39 years, if you have not found anyone... " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Marshall," So, how is Barney? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," Well, I think. It may take a while to recover, but... You had a thrill? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," Dad returned. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," It is getting it soon. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Lily," I love that you are always so many friends after this clip. " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Barney," What do you mean ""too""? " 5x07 - The Rough Patch,Robin," You then. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted,"Future So kids, there are many buildings New York City. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted,"Future Thousands of apartments. Millions of stories. And even though it's been decades and someone else lives there now, there's one apartment in particular that will always be our apartment. I have so many great memories of that place. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," Sorry, Mr. Madsen. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Plugging in. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Saving game. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," You guys will never believe what just happened to us. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," I don't even believe it myself. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," We were in Queens and we decided to stop by my apartment. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," I could see how you would think that but I have to have my own place. It's an independence thing. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," When was the last time you were there? " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," Three months ago. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," What? It's like fat pants. You hope you never have to use 'em but you're glad to know they're there. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," What the hell? " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," What? " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," This is my apartment. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Where? " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," Right here. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," What the hell? " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Lily, this is a Chinese restaurant. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," No, no, this was my apartment. My dresser was right... " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," That's my dresser! And this is my closet. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," Yes, you know me? " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," Yeah, I know, the bangs were a mistake. Where's my stuff? Waitress: It's all in the back. We could wrap it up for you. You want it to go? " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," This is my apartment! " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," No way. You're making this up. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Yeah, the building would have had to give you some sort of notice. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," When? " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Well, still, legally, they can't just toss you out onto the street. You have a lease. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," OK so I didn't have a written lease as such but, but go ask my landlady, Mrs. Conroy. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," She may be 98 years old but she's still... " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," She's dead, isn't she? " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," My apartment is a Chinese restaurant. What am I gonna do? " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Come live with us. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," Really? " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Of course. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," You sure about this, Ted? " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Yeah. I mean, you basically live here anyway. It's not like it'll change anything. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," No, it's like it'll change everything. Oh, Ted, you are so screwed. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," What? What are you talking about? " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," And why is that girl checking you out? " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Because I look good. Now focus, you and Marshall are roommates. You have an amazing apartment. Marshall and Lily just got engaged " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Yeah, so? " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," So, you're not still gonna be his roommate when he gets married, are you? Someone's going to move out. So who's it gonna be? " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Come on, Barney, I'm sure they've talked about who gets the apartment. You talked about who gets the apartment, right? " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Yeah, we've talked about it. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," So, when Lily and I get married, who's gonna get the apartment? " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Oh, that's a tough one. You know who I think could handle a problem like that? " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Who? " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Future Ted and Future Marshall. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Totally. Let's let those guys handle it. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Dammit Past Ted " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted,"BarneyYou blew it, dude. Now that Lily's there, it's a whole new dynamic. They're edging you out. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," You blew it, dude. Now that Lily's there, it's a whole new dynamic. They're edging you out. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," That's crazy. They're not edging me out. Marshall's my best friend. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," One of my best friends. He wouldn't do that to me. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Just keep your eyes open. That's all I'm saying, Ted. Little things are gonna be changing around that apartment. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Come on, Barney, you're just being paranoid. OK, seriously, what is this girl's deal? " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Sort of on a date with her. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," What? " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," I found her online. I'm tired of the whole bar scene, the one-night hookups. I'm looking for a soul-mate, someone who I can love and cuddle, or so it says in my profile. But this girl, she wants the same stuff and it's bumming me out. All right, Ted, call me from the hospital. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," All right. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," You're going to the hospital? " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," No, see, he's gonna go back over there and I'm gonna call him and he's gonna pretend that it's an emergency call from a family member at the hospital. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Oh, Lord, fake emergency? That is lamest, most pathetic cop-out in the book. I expect more from you, Barney. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Well, stay tuned, I'm working on some stuff. But in the meantime, wish me luck. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," So, are you gonna talk to Marshall? " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," He's gonna want the apartment. I'm gonna want the apartment. It's gonna lead to an argument, so no. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Hm, that's real healthy. So, when a serious issue comes up, your response is just to avoid it. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," I should really make this call. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Ooh, can I do it? " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Hello? Robin: Hi there, sexy. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Hello? Hi there, sexy. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Hello, Aunt Kathy, what's up? " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Oh, nothing. Just sitting here, thinking about you, hot stuff. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," An accident? Well, is Uncle Rudy gonna be OK? Robin: Aunt Kathy's got an itch that only you can scratch, big boy. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," An accident? Well, is Uncle Rudy gonna be OK? Aunt Kathy's got an itch that only you can scratch, big boy. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Oh God! Why did he think he could build his own helicopter? " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Come on, daddy, break me off a piece of that white chocolate. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Well, if he needs a transplant, he can have mine. I'll be right there. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," See you guys later. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Ah, this'll be nice, the three of us living together. I think it's a good setup. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Man, this coffee's great. It's really great. Too great. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," What happened to Shocky? " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," What's this? Lily: My coffeemaker from my apartment. Makes great coffee, right? " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," What's this? My coffeemaker from my apartment. Makes great coffee, right? " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Yeah, definitely. I mean, so does Shocky. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Really? I always thought Shocky's coffee tasted kinda rusty. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Yeah, no, it did. I mean, I kinda liked the rusty taste. I'm used to it. I don't know. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Also Lily's coffeemaker doesn't, you know, shock you. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," No. You gotta admit, that shock, wakes you up in the morning " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," You know what else wakes you up in the morning? Coffee. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," That's great. You're right. Roomies! I love it. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," They're edging me out. They're totally edging me out. I didn't' believe it but you're right. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Told you. That Lily, she's a shrewd one. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Yeah, she got you a nice new coffeemaker. How dare she! " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," It's not just the coffeemaker. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," Done. The painting's done. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," That is great. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Nice. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Where do you wanna hang it? " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," I don't know. Um, over the piano? " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Yeah, that would be a good place for it. Too bad the swords are there. We kinda love those swords. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Well, those swords have been up there a long time. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," I know, right? I'd really miss them too. So, maybe Marshall's room? " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," OK. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," He was gonna take the swords down. Can you believe that? " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Ted, why don't you just talk to him? He's your best friend. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," One of your best friends. The point is, maybe it's time for some healthy communication. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Healthy communication? That's the worst idea ever. Look, you held off their first advance. That's good. Now it's time to counter-strike. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Yeah, well, what am I supposed to do? " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," You gotta mark your territory, and I don't mean missing the toilet. You gotta do something big. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," What, like buy a new sofa? " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Bigger. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Katie's here. OK, real quick, last night, epiphany! I realized what the world of dating needs. Ready? A lemon law. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," A lemon law, like for cars. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Exactly. From the moment the date begins you have five minutes to decide whether you're going to commit to an entire evening. And if you don't, it's no hard feelings just good night, thanks for playing, see you never. Huh? Huh? The lemon law, it's gonna be a thing, possibly starting right now. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Hi Katie. Barney. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Hm, yeah. Katie, you are about to be a part of history. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," Man, Ted's been acting weird. He started labeling all his food. He even carved ""Ted"" into that block of cheese. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Yeah. Well, now it's Ed's. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," He's not cool with me moving in. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," No, that's not it. I mean, you basically lived here all along. Ted loves you. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," So, what's he PMS'ing about? " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," I don't know. But when he's ready to talk to me about it he'll come and talk to me about it. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," Are you kidding? You guys never talk about anything. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," He'll just let it fester under the surface until he does something big and passive-aggressive. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," You clearly don't know Ted. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Your English phone booth arrived. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Oh, awesome. It's great, right? " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Yeah, I guess. Just not sure if Lily's gonna like it. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Well, I like it, so I'm just gonna keep it right here, if that's cool. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Of course, we all live here so we should all be able to have things the way we want them. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Exactly. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Great " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Terrific. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," You like the phone booth. It stays. I like this painting so I'm just gonna hang it...right here on the wall. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Oh, so it's like that, is it? " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Bring, bring. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Yeah, it's like that. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," I want this apartment. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Well, I want it too. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," No, I'm a visionary. Lemon law, it's gonna be a thing! " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," For the record, your little lemon law is a symbol of everything that's wrong with our no-attention span society. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," No, wrong, lemon law is awesome. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," It takes longer than five minutes to really get to know someone. You keep giving up on people so quickly, you're gonna miss out on something great. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," OK, you're on a blind date, sitting across the table is that guy. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," You really think it'll take more than five minutes to realize there will be no date number two? " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Yes I do. For all I know, that guy's my soul-mate. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Bad move, Scherbatsky. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Hi, have you met Robin? " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Hi. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," All right Marshall, we're deciding right now who gets this apartment. It may lead to an argument, but we're settling this. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Or we could flip a coin. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Yeah, let's flip a coin. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Flip it. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," OK, I'm flipping it, here I go. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Flip it. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," OK, here I go. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Flip it. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," I'm flipping. But before I do, I just wanna say something. You didn't even wanna move in here in the first place. You said a pre-w*r building was bad for your allergies. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," That was five years ago. Now you can get prescription-level antihistamines over the counter. Oh snap. What else you got? " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," OK, I'm flipping. Heads or tails. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," You don't need two rooms " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Heads or tails, Marshall. Like you need two rooms? " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," We might be starting a family soon. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Oh, no you're not. There's no way you're having a baby while you're in law school. It's gonna be at least three years. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," It could be sooner, we're not that careful with our birth control Two-zip. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Oh, come on, you know damn well I move out that room's going unused. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Oh, and I suppose you'll get a new roommate? Who's it gonna be? Barney? You know he cooks naked. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Yeah, well, at least Barney wouldn't take the swords down. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," We were bros! These swords represent our bro-hood. And you took 'em down to make room for your fiance's stupid painting? " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," My fiancé...suddenly, she's my fiancé. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Lily's a part of who I am. And if you're such a bro, she's a part of who you are too. She's a bro by extension. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," I deserve this apartment, Marshall. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," No more than I do. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Great, so let's flip for it. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Flip it. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," So, is this how we're deciding who gets the apartment? " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," I guess so. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," How are we doing this exactly? Is this like to the death? " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," We should probably figure that out. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," It's OK, it's OK. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Can I observe something? " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," That this is kinda awesome? " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Totally. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," I can't believe we didn't do this before. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," I know! " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Thank you. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," It's a nice place. It's good to know the future has ribs. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Just a second. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Hello. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Time's running out, Scherbatsky. Last chance for the lemon law. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Leave me alone. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," 4:56, 4:57, 4:58. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," We're only just getting to know each other. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Say I'm right and this could all be over. This could be your call from the hospital. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Sorry. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," No, I would never do that. I don't wanna go anywhere. I'm all yours. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," That was awesome. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," I know. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Do it again. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," OK, but this time, jump up and I'll swipe your legs. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Look. Here's why I should get the place. You and Lily, you get to be married. What do I get, right? I get to be unmarried, alone, minus two roommates. And on top of that I could be homeless. Does that seem fair? " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Oh, boo-freakin-hoo. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," What? " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Woe is me. I'm not married yet. My ovaries are shrinking. Ted, if you wanted to be married by now you would be but you're not. And you know why? Because you're irrationally picky. You're easily distracted and you're utterly anhedonic. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Anhedonic? " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Anhedonic. It means you can't enjoy anything. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," The hell I can't. I'm enjoying this. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," I know, this rules. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Hey, I'm sorry I took the swords down. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," That's OK, it led to this totally rad sword fight, didn't it? " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Yeah it did. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," You remember when we first got these swords? " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," It was the day we moved in. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Congratulations, Marshall. We live in an apartment with swords on the wall. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," List of lifelong dreams, you're not half as long. Crap. I'm missing one of the screws for this table " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Just use this wood glue, it'll hold. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Yeah. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Oh God, I'll be right there. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Kevin, I'm so sorry. I have to go. My friend's been s*ab with a sword. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," No, I swear that was a real call. I just...Oh forget it. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," I s*ab Lily. I s*ab my fiancé. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Come on, Marshall, do you really think she's still your fiancé? I'm kidding. Hey, I think you guys should have the apartment. Marshall: But you fought so bravely for it. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Come on, Marshall, do you really think she's still your fiancé? I'm kidding. Hey, I think you guys should have the apartment. But you fought so bravely for it. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," I wasn't fighting for the apartment. I was fighting for...I don't know...for everything to stay the way it is. But I'm not gonna get that, so, seriously, take the place, it's yours. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Is she OK? " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," They're just patching her up. She's gonna be fine. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," So get this, I was on a date with this girl, Jackie. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," What? You said she's fine. So, anyway, I was on date with this girl, Jackie. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Wow, Jackie, you make a really great first impression. I have a feeling that tonight you might end up being Jackie O. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," It's out there, it's a thing. The lemon law is a thing. Damn, I should have called it Barney's law. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," But you're totally... " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Just let him have this one. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," That's us. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," A sword fight? " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted,"Marshall, Sorry, Lily. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," On Monday, I'm gonna have to tell my kindergarten class who I teach not to run with scissors that my fiancé ran me through with a frickin' broad sword. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Well, just to be fair, it didn't go all the way through. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," I'm sorry, is this a discussion of the degree to which you s*ab me? " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," You're right. I'm sorry. We were fighting to see who gets the apartment. And I won. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Uh, you didn't win. I gave it to you. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Uh, you know, if I tried... " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," Wait wait wait wait wait. I don't want that apartment. It's a boy apartment. It's full of swords and videogames, and kinda smells like dude. It's fine for now, but when we get married, I wanna start a new life with you in a new place. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Gonna miss the old place. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," I will too. We're not getting married for like a year. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Yeah, that's Future Marshall's problem. Let that guy deal with it. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Totally. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," Maybe it's the massive blood loss talking but I'm starving. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," Let's go get some dinner. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," I know just the place. " 1x08 - The Duel,Ted," Chinese restaurant, I still don't believe it. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," I told you. OK, a toast. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," Life is full of changes. One day you have an apartment, the next day it's a house of dumplings. But the important stuff doesn't change. To the important stuff. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," And to the lemon law. " 1x08 - The Duel,Barney," Self-clink. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," And by the way, I bought these glasses. I bought them at Ikea. These are my glasses. " 1x08 - The Duel,Marshall," I love this song. I haven't heard this in forever. " 1x08 - The Duel,Lily," I'm pretty sure this is a mixed tape you made me in h*m* year. " 1x08 - The Duel,Robin," Lily, your apartment makes the best Shanghai dumplings. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Why does my stomach hurt? " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"I'm sorry, baby. I ate a bunch of ice cream earlier today. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Oh, baby, you know we're lactose-intolerant. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"No, we're not. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Oh, really? What about the other day? " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Oh, I need to get some eggs. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Oh, I'll come with you. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Just because we like spending time together doesn't mean we're codependent. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Really? Then whatever happened to your plan of spending the last two weeks before your wedding sleeping apart? " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Okay, we decided not to do that because of... " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Logistics. Wedding logistics. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Frickin' logistics, man. They mess everything up. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"You didn't do it because you couldn't do it. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Sure we could. " 2x20 - Showdown,Robin,"Then why don't you? You can stay with me. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"It would make our wedding night more special. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Okay, let's do it. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Done. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"I'm gonna go grab a beer. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"I'll come with you. No. I'll stay. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Okay, I know. You know? I got to go. Good-bye. My mom's driving me cra.... " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Long story. I'll tell you later. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Yeah. It's a dirty story, isn't it? You guys went out to dinner, did it in the kitchen and got caught. Scherbatsky reeks of someone who likes to get caught. " 2x20 - Showdown,Robin,"Okay, now I have to wash up for two reasons. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Oh, you didn't. That's right. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"So you and Lily really think you can spend two weeks apart? " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"You know what, Barney? Lily and I are a lot less chees than you make us out to be. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Marshmallow, don't forget to pack my night-night tape. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Night-night tape? Did you make a tape of you saying ""night-night"" to her? " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"No. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"He doesn't say it. He sings it. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Oh, that is so sweet. Why don't you kiss? I love it when two chicks make out. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Damn it. Nobody's bought us anything cool yet off our registry. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"What's on there? " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Ooh, lots of stuff. Kitchen Aide Artisan Series tilt-head stand mixer... " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Retail price $319.99. What else? " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Um, the Dyson DC17 Animal vacuum. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Ah, $549.99. A little greedy, don't you think? " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Did you memorize our registry? " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"No, I'm training. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Training? For what? " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"I'm glad you asked. Ted, Robin, get in here! You guys know how it's hard to be friends with me 'cause I'm so awesome? " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Yes, it's hard to be friends with you. Go on. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Well, this isn't going to make it any easier. I am going to be on... The Price Is Right. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"No way! " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"What?! " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Yes, in a couple days, Rich Fields is going to call out my name, and I will come on down. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Whoa, that is so awesome. " 2x20 - Showdown,Robin,"Barney, I didn't know you were such a fan of The Price is Right. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Are you kidding? T.P.I.R. is not just an indescribably entertaining hour of television, it's a microcosm of our entire economic system-- a capitalist utopia, where consumers are rewarded for their persistence, market acumen and intrepid spirit. I gaze upon the glory of The Price Is Right, and I see the face of America. And it is divine. Plus, you know, hot chicks on sports cars. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"I'm ready! " 2x20 - Showdown,Robin,"Ta-da-da-da-da... Wow, Lily, you look so beautiful. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"I know! I'm beautiful! I'm a fairy princess! " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Here goes. Hello, everyone, I'm Ted Mosby, Marshall's best man. Strong opening, right? " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"That's fantastic. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"When Marshall graduates this spring, he'll be a lawyer. But did you know that Marshall has a criminal record? That's right, on a road trip up to Cape Cod, Marshall was pulled over for driving by himself in a car pool lane. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Oh, crap. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Oh, crap. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Are you crazy? You cannot tell that story at my wedding. My entire family's gonna be there. My little cousins, my mom, my grandma, my grandpa the minister. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"That grandpa died three years ago. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"His favorite grandson is getting married, Ted. I think he can take a day off from haunting the barn to make an appearance. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"So which one, ""A"" or ""B""? " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"What was that? " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"I have to decide how to run to contestant's row when they say, ""Barney Stinson, come on down!"" " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Oh, I didn't realize that's what it was. Can you do them again? " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Yeah, of course. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Hey! Very funny. Just for that, when I win all the prizes, the only thing you guys are getting is Rice-A-Roni and Turtle Wax. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"It's $300 just to take the bust in? Oh, please, you have to have some sympathy for me. I'm getting married next Saturday, and I'm too skinny for my dress. I lost all this weight without even trying. Hello? " 2x20 - Showdown,Robin,"What happened? " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"She called me a bitch and hung up. Oh, I don't know what to do. I guess I'll just have to pay the $300. " 2x20 - Showdown,Robin,"Pay the $300? Lily, are you crazy? This isn't a problem. It's a license to eat. Look, what have you always wanted to eat but didn't because it was too ridicuusly decadent? " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Ooh, a Valrhona chocolate soufflée with a raspberry brandy sauce topped with caramelized bananas and hazelnut gelato. " 2x20 - Showdown,Robin,"I have Cool Whip and half a bag of Fritos. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Done! " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Okay, think you're gonna be happy with my new toast. There's nothing sexual. It's, uh, it's just the story of an important moment in your relationship. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"I'm all ears. Hello, everyone, " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"I'm Ted Mosby, Marshall's best man. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Nice. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Right? That's great. Back when we were all freshman and Marshall and Lily were just a few short weeks into their relationship... It was 4:00 in the morning, and I'm not gonna lie, we were a wee bit wasted. We were starving. So I'd gone out to get us some snacks, and when I got back... " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"I love you. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"I love you, too. I know it's soon to say it, but I'm so glad you did. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Yeah. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"So here's what you want to talk about in front of my entire familydrinking, having a girl in my room, eating junk food. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Dude, you're almost 30. Your mom would be mad at you for eating junk food? " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Yeah, Ted, 'cause nutrition's not important. Also, so Lily's never heard that story before. How's she going to react when she finds out the first time I said ""I love you"" to her, I was actually saying it to you and a bag of Funyuns " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"But who cares? You did love her. And you still do. And you're totally over Funyuns, so it's not weird. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Hey, Lil. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Hey. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Hey? That's it? " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"What are you talking about? " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Well, you guys have been spending the last few nights apart. I figured there'd be a lot of giggling, crying, jumping up and down, and then whatever Lily would do " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Check it out. Okay, imagine... imagine, if you will, that this is the $1 space on The Price Is Right wheel. Ready? " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Oh, wow, that was pretty close. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Close? Close?! It's called The Price Is Right, not The Price Is Close! Oh, man, this is bad. If I don't win the spin-off, and I can't get into the Showcase Showdown, everything's ruined! It's all ruined! " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"What is ruined? Why, why is this such a big deal? " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Okay, guys... sit down, I've got to tell you something. The reason I'm going on The Price Is Right is because I've decided that it's time for me to meet my real father. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Your father? " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"That's right. My father... is Bob Barker. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Your dad... is Bob Barker? " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"That's right " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"The host of The Price Is Right, Bob Barker? " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"That's Pops. " 2x20 - Showdown,Robin,"Barney? " 2x20 - Showdown,Robin,"Why in the world do you think Bob Barker is your father? " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Uh, because my mother told me he was, that's why. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Mom, who's my dad? All the other kids at school know who their dad is. Who's mine? " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"(in front oft he tv " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"(throwing a ball at the TV)Want to play some catch, Pop? " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"So now I'm gonna go to L.A., be on the show, win the Showcase Showdown, make him proud of me, and then tell him who I am. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"You're gonna tell Bob Barker that you're his son on national television? " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Why is this so hard for you people to believe? " 2x20 - Showdown,Robin,"Drop the popper! Lily has to gain five pounds in a week and a half, and it is my job to help her get there. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"This is the best wedding diet ever. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"I lost a pound. " 2x20 - Showdown,Robin,"That is impossible. You ate McDonald's every meal for three days. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"I knew that Super Size Me guy was full of it. " 2x20 - Showdown,Robin,"Well, it must be the wedding stress. We just got to up the intake. Lily Aldrin, drop and give me 20 bites of fudge! Okay? Don't nibble at it. Attack it! Come on, Lily. You can do better than that! " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"I can't. " 2x20 - Showdown,Robin,"Well, eat faster, before your body figures out it's full. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"I'm trying. " 2x20 - Showdown,Robin,"Oh, are you gonna cry? You gonna cry? Skinny little baby's gonna cry? Well, eat, damn it, eat! " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Okay! " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Hey, so I think I figured out how to do your toast in a completely appropriate way. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Finally. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Yeah. Good evening. I'm Ted Mosby, Marshall's best man. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Still strong, right? " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Great, yeah. I'd like to share with you all a story about the momentous evening last fall " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"when Marshall and Lily got back together. Afterward, we stayed up till 10:00 at night, doing shots of chocolate milk. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Calcium promotes healthy teeth and bones. " 2x20 - Showdown,Robin,"Thanks, Marshall, for teaching us you don't need alcohol to have fun. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Oh, don't thank me. Thank my parents for teaching me good values. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Now, I wasn't supposed to hear this next part, but Marshall leaned over to Lily and whispered. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"You know what I'd like to do to you right now? I'd like to hold your hand. I'd like to hold your hand so hard that you're not able to shake hands for a week. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Are you just going to talk about holding my hand or are you going to hold it? " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Then a little later, Robin caught them... Oh, um......holding hands. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"That's the worst toast I've ever heard, dude. It's totally boring. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Exactly. It's impossible to write a good toast with you censoring me, man. I give up. I'm just going to read that thing about Jesus and the footprints. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"I give up, too. I don't care if my dress doesn't fit. I can't eat anymore. I-I feel like my stomach's going to explode. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"I know. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"And so, Lily and I were both about to give up, but as you can all see, Lily does look beautiful in that dress, and here I am giving a toast. You know, all this time, I'd been wracking my brain trying to pick out the perfect moment to capture Lily and Marshall as a couple. But then I realized the perfect moment wasn't some needle lost in the haystack of their ten years together. The perfect Lily and Marshall moment happened two nights ago. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Marshall, what are you doing? " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Going to the bathroom. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"In the hall? " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Sleepwalking? " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"You're wide awake. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Robbing us? " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Dude. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"God, I missed you. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"I can't sleep without you. Hey, baby? Would you be the big spoon for a while? " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Sure, baby. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"How's the weight gaining going? " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Ugh, terribly. I'm too stressed out without you around. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Well, I'm here now. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Nooo. Oh, my God! " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Yeah, I know, the camera loves me. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Thanks, Da... Bob. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Um... Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Retail price is $1,349.99, so, since you round off, I'll say $1,350, Bob. " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"So, was it $1,350? " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"I don't know. Was it? " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Oh, my God! " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Happy wedding. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Thank you, Bob. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"$1 billion. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"So, I brought some photos that I thought you might like to see. This is me on my first birthday. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"What are you doing? " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Uh, spending some quality time with my dad. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"No, no, I want you to see this. This is great. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"$999. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Happy wedding again! " 2x20 - Showdown,Lily,"Oh, my... " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"I have to be honest, Bob. The big wheel is the only weak part of my game. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Did you just... I'm ready, Bob. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Oh, no, you spun it too hard. " 2x20 - Showdown,Robin,"No, he didn't spin it hard enough. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Thank you, would you, would you say you're proud of me? " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"That was kind of a weird moment. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Please, no car and an above-ground spa? Pass. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Overbid! " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Oh, I love this. " 2x20 - Showdown,Robin,"I can't believe how excited I am right now " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Please, please. Please. Let me. 1-8-4-2-1. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"I don't even know what we're going to do with a dune buggy, but I want it! " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"$14,628. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Before, before we wrap up the show, there's just something I want to say to you.... Congratulations on 35 wonderful years hosting The Price Is Right. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Have your pets spayed or neutered. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Why didn't you tell him? " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Well, it's just... If you lived your whole life thinking one thing, it would be pretty devastating to find out that wasn't true. I just don't think Bob could have handled it. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"Bob. Yeah. Probably a good choice. " 2x20 - Showdown,Barney,"Anyway, on the bright side. Happy wedding again! " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"Um, I thought since we're going to be apart for two whole weeks, I would sing you your night-night song. Night-night, Lily Night-night, Lily It's time to go to bed, oh, my silly, little Lily Time to rest your little head Sha-la-la-la-la Sha-la-la-la-la Come on, Ted. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,"No, it's weird. " 2x20 - Showdown,Marshall,"You promised. " 2x20 - Showdown,Ted,Sha-la-la-la-la Sha-la-la-la-la Sha-la-la-la-la 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Say you're my bitch. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," I'm your bitch. Why this time? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Because tonight, I am getting us all into ""Okay"". " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," ""Okay""!? Awesome!! " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," What's going on, did I just have a stroke? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," ""Okay"" is the name of a club. Yeah, it's supposed to be incredibly exclusive. This friend of mine once waited outside for two hours, he couldn't get in. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," A friend of yours named you? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," No... a friend of mine named, shut up. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Yeah, well the owner goes to my gym. It turns out that he is a fan of my reporting for Metro News One. So now, I'm on the list for tonight. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Nice going, Scherbatsky. You're becoming a long and difficult-to-spell household name. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," He's even getting me into the VIP room. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," Yeah, he just wants to show you his own VIP if you know what I mean... " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Okay, what does ""VIP"" stand for in your universe? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney,"... I know that the ""P"" is penis. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Alright, so you guys are in. Should I invite Marshall and Lily? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," TEN SECONDS!! " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," SUCK IT LOSERS! " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," You know, quiet time with the fiancé. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," I don't know, I just felt embarrassed. Claire is my age, and she and her husband do all these classy grownup stuff. Maybe we should start doing some grownup stuff. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," That was some pretty grownup stuff we did this morning. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Yeah, but it wasn't classy. Maybe we should have a wine tasting party. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," I like wine. I like tasting. You know I can party, let's do it. Let's rock it, maturity style! " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Ever since then she's been signing him up for book clubs, cooking classes... " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," All the things you do when you know where the next ten thousand lays are coming from. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," So, no. Lily and Marshall will not be doing this. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Got it. Anyway, Ted, part two of my story: my friend Kelly's going to be there. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Kelly, who supposedly I'm gonna love? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Oh, you are gonna love Kelly. She's fun, she's smart, she lives in the moment. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," Translation, she's ugly, she's ugly, she ugs in the ugly. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Oh, and she's totally hot. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Okay, I guess I can take her off your hands for an evening. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," So, do you have any other hot single fr... " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," No, Kelly works with the news breakers... " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Oh, no, Ted, your blazer! " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," What, what, what...? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Somebody spilled gorgeous all over it. Love it! " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Thank you. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," And his hair was perfect. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Hey we're wearing the same shirt! Oh, wait no that's just my shirt reflected in yours. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," One of the twenty-four similarities between girls and fish is that they're both attracted to shiny objects. You really never read my blog, do you? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Alright, Tin-Man. Let's hit it. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Alright, well, have fun at your little disco, guys. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," What the hell happened to these two? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Marshall and I are just growing up. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Yeah, it's going to be sweet, too. Like tonight we're tasting all these different wines, pairing them up with these cool gourmet cheeses... " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," Wow, who knew being committed in a heterosexual relationship could make a guy so gay. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Alright, cool kids are leaving now. Grandma, grandpa... don't wait up. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," My, oh, my there are some ferocious looking cutlets here tonight. Alright, hookup strategy, colon, find a cutlet; lock her in early, grind with her all night till she's mine. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Do strategies ever work for you? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," Question is: do these strategies ever not work for me? Either way the answer's ""about half the time"". " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," My bitches! Check this out. They're with me. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Ah, no I think we're going to wait on the baby thing. I mean I love babies. Babies rule. Pudgy arms and stuff, but they make you old. Kind of like this anchor weighing you down to one spot...forever. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," I don't know guys. It's not awkward unless we let it be awkward. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," This place seems great. Is Kelly here? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Yeah, she's around somewhere. Let's go find her, I'll introduce you guys. Then I should probably dock into the VIP room, so stupid and arbitrary isn't it, who get's to be in VIP and who doesn't? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Can we come? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," It's... not that arbitrary... " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Whoa... this place in lourd! " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," You think? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," Okay, it's a little loud. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," There's Kelly. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," You want to go somewhere we can talk? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," ...Okay... " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," You think it was kind of weird that Ted didn't invite me out with him? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Why, you'd rather be out at some dance club, all noisy and sweaty with the... . Is that what you want? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Is this what you want? Thirty year fixed mortgage. I'm three months pregnant. That was awkward. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Let's start drinking! " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Freaking ten ends. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Robin Scherbastky? Robin Scherbatsky! " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," So, how do you know Robin? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Is that near Westchester? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," You know what they're doing in there right now? They're watching Claire's ultrasound video and I swear to god even the baby looks bored. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Come on, it's not that bad. We're really starting to click with these guys. Claire and Austin just invited us to their fondue fest next Saturday night. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," You're also trying to get me excited about fondue? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," It's dipping stuff in hot cheese, what's not to love? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Okay, that does sound good. But it's dipping stuff in hot cheese with boring people. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Marshall, it's time for us to grow up. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Taxi! " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," ""14""? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," ""7""? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Please tell me we can drink the wine now. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Freaking tannins. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," You really like this place? You have no idea what I'm saying, do you? I'm from outer space! I got thrown out of Sea World for humping a dolphin! I'M WETTING MY PANTS. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Hey, Robin. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Hey! " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Why aren't you inside? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," I'm calling the owner, there's a guy in there who won't let me in to the stupid VIP room. What are you doing here? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Oh, I had this move. So I came here to bust it. Can you get me in? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Great, voicemail. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Thanks, I'll see ya. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Bye. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," And it's not that I care so much about getting into the VIP room, I have been in tons of VIP rooms, not exactly a VIP room virgin. Seriously, call me back. Oh, um... I was just in there. Robin Scherbatsky, I'm on the list. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," But, I'm Robin Scherbatsky. I'm a reporter for channel one. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," I'm bailing, see ya. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," Oh hey, I can't see her face. Is she hot? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Nice eyes. Cute smile. Out of your league. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Aah! Coat wench do not uncheck that man's jacket. Sorry, just being dramatic. You're not a wench. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," What are you doing here? Lily let you go? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Lily? Pfft. Who cares right? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," You are so dead. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Oh, I'm so dead. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Wow. Uh... I'm going home. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Aah! I put my ass and probably other parts of my body on the line to party with my bro. Now damn it, we're gonna party. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Alright, one beer. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Yes, finally I don't have to wait half an hour for a drink. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Yeah. No tannins. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," AAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!! " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Come on, let's go. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," I'm staying. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Marshall, are you okay? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Taxi! " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Hey. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Hey. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Marshall just ditched out on our own party. Can you get me in there? I kind of need to k*ll him. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Actually, I can't even get myself in. I was such a dork. I get recognized one time and I start thinking I'm Julia Roberts. No VIP. I'm not even an IP. I'm just a lonely little P sitting out here in the gutter. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Know something; I'd take a pee in the gutter over Julia Roberts any day. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," There's Barney. I'm leaving. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," Broke my tooth. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall,"...Do you have... " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall,"...any aspirin? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," Maybe theres... " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," a machine in... " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," The restroom. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Yeah, these clubs are supposed to be fun, right? Why do I hate them so much? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Or New Year's Eve. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Or parades. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Or parades. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," I really hate parades. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," He just left, in the middle of our own party, you don't do that. Unless, of course, you're chasing after someone who's already done it, and then I think it's okay. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Well, I hate to take his side... but come one a wine tasting? What's the big plan for next Saturday, scrabble night? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Don't check your email. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Why are you becoming this person? I heard that in college you flashed a campus tour group on a dare. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Once on a dare. The other times were just for fun. I'm not in college anymore. I'd love to go back and be that person again, but you can't move backwards you can only go forward. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Um, pause... you can go wherever you want. I guess the question is where do you want to go? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," I want to go into this club and find my fiancé. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin," Well that you can't do. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Wanna bet? Follow my lead. Hey, big guy. I said follow my lead. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Right. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," So, by that logic, if you and I were to, say, go out on a date. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Right. The DMV it is. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Sounds awful, it's a date. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," But there's still one big question that needs to be answered. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," How many of these coats do you think I could put on all at once? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Barney. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," Ted, bring your coat, we're leaving. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," What? What happened to that, uh, cutlet you were grinding with? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," That was my cousin, Leslie. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," What?! " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," No, no, no... we are not laughing about this, Ted. This is not going to be some funny story that we'll be telling in a couple months. It's not gonna be like, ""Hey, remember that time when you were grinding with... NO! And you know why? Because, italics, this night did not happen. And you promise me that you will never, ever, ever tell another soul what transpired here tonight. You promise. Promise " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Alright, I promise. Let's get Marshall and go, okay. Hey. Thanks for saving my night. I'll talk to you soon? Umm, hey... tip her, Barney. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," Why, I didn't check a coat. And even if I did, on principle tip jars have become so... " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," Funny story, Barney was grinding with this girl all night... " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," FINE! Just... eh. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," That's a handy new trick. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Robin,"Barney, Ted and Eww. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," I'M REALLY GLAD YOU GUYS CAME OUT TONIGHT. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," YOU KNOW DUDE, CAN I JUST SAY SOMETHING? IT KIND OF HURT THAT YOU GUYS DIDN'T INVITE ME OUT I MEAN I KNOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED SINCE I GOT ENGAGED BUT IT WOULD'VE BEEN NICE TO BE ASKED. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," I'M SORRY, I JUST ASSUMMED YOU... " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," THEY PLAYED SOME GOOD SONGS TONIGHT. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," --HAD OTHER PLANS. I MEAN LATELY... " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," I KNOW, I KNOW. IT JUST SEEMS LIKE SUDDENLY WE'RE LIVING IN TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS. MAYBE YOU'VE GOT MORE IN COMMON WITH BARNEY. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," WHAT? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," YOU CRAZY? YOU THINK I LIKE GOING TO THOSE CLUBS? I'D SO MUCH RATHER GO TO YOUR FRUITY LITTLE WINE TASTING. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Lily," Oh, my god...I'm going to barf. Where's my purse, where's my purse? I'm okay. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," PROBLEM IS... YOU CAN'T DO ANY OF THAT COUPLE STUFF UNLESS YOU HAVE SOMEONE TO DO IT WITH. AND THE ONLY WAY I'M GOING TO FIND THAT SOMEONE IS BY GOING OUT DOING STUPID SINGLE STUFF WITH BARNEY. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," WHAT? " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," BUT MAN, WHEN I FIND HER. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SOME BADASS WINE TASTINGS. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," IT'S A PLAN! HEY MAYBE IT'LL BE THAT CUTE COAT CHECK GIRL! " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Ted," YEAH, MAYBE IT WILL BE. " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Marshall," YOU KNOW, TED, I DON'T SAY THIS NEARLY ENOUGH BUT REALLY... " 1x05 - Okay Awesome,Barney," THAT PLACE MAKES GREAT SALADS! " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," So, I guess that decides it. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Yup. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Hanging out at a coffee place is not nearly as much fun as hanging out at a bar. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Man, what's that? " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," What? " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," That cute coffee girl wrote a heart by your name. Somebody has a crush on you. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Somebody thinks you're me. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Do you really think she likes me? I mean, I guess it's not that surprising. Every time I come in here, I totally crack her up. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Wow. How did you fit a pumpkin in this little cup? " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," How do they even fit a pumpkin in those little cups? What? You got a shrink ray back there? Yeah. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Hey, remember that time I said that thing about how do they fit a pumpkin into that little cup? " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," The first time. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Right? " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," All right, there's only two reasons she'd laugh at that. One, it's the first joke she's ever heard, or two, she likes you. You should totally ask her out. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," You think? " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Yeah, that's why you're not back with Lily, right? So you can experience what it's like to be single. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Well, what if the heart doesn't mean anything? What if she writes it on all the cups? " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Mine says ""Ted,"" no heart. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Mine says... ""Swarley."" How'd they get ""Swarley"" from ""Barney""? It's not even a name. Who would ever be called ""Swarley""? Oh, please don't start calling me ""Swarley."" This would never happen at a bar! " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Man! What's up with Swarley? " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," I know. You almost never see old Swarlz get that upset. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Hey, guess what? Oh, sorry. " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," It's only my mom. She's just rambling on like always. What happened? " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Marshall asked out a girl. " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Wow. Well, if anything, that's Dad's fault. That'll keep her going a while. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Oh, of course, you know, he had a little help. " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Swarley hooked him up? " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Oh, good. You got my text. " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Yeah. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Oh. No, it was me. I gave Marshall one of my secrets. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," So, what she say? " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Nothing. I don't think she heard me. It's pretty busy up there. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," What? You gave her the look right? Head down, eyes looking up, hands in pockets, shoulders up, head slightly tilted, conveying shy vulnerability. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," I think so. Look, can we just go? " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," I didn't order that. Phone number. " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," I love that look. I think I slept with you because of that look. And it's fake? " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Oh, and you biting your lower lip, shyly looking away and thrusting your chest out is natural? " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Yeah, I hear you. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Hey, guys. Are you free tomorrow night? I was thinking of having a wine tasting slash ""help me catch the rat in my apartment"" party. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," That's a great idea. You can put out cheese for both. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," I should invite Marshall, right? It'd be weird if I didn't. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Yeah, I don't think he can go. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Really? Why not? " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Uh, okay, um... Lily, we have to tell you something. Marshall has a date. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Oh. Well... good for him. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Really? You're okay with it? " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Look, we've been broken up almost six months. I mean, I'm not thrilled about the idea, but he has every right to date someone else. " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," That's very mature. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Why are you holding the phone? " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Oh, sh**t. That's hilarious, Mom. Didn't even notice. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Hey, dude, by the way, I really like that suit. Tell me about the fabric. Is it foreign or something? " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Wow. It is foreign. I'm impressed, Ted. It's Moroccan, actually. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Whoa. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," You weren't interested in my suit at all, were you? " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Stop calling me that. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Uh... Hey, I'd like you guys to officially meet Chloe. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Hi. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Hi. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," It's right back there. Right? Right? She's hot! And she likes me? She likes Italian food. I also like Italian food. She likes Billy Joel. I also like... music. And I think we're going to go out again. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Dude, you gotta ditch her. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Obviously. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Why? " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," She's got the crazy eyes. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Dude. The eyes. They're crazy. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," What are you guys talking about, the crazy eyes? " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," It's a well-documented condition of the pupils, or pupi. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," No. Just pupils. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," It's an indicator of future mental instability. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," She does not have the crazy eyes. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," You just can't see it because you're afflicted with ""haven't been laid in a while"" blindness. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," She was too far away in the coffee place, but when I saw her up close just now... " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Hey, I'd like you guys to officially meet Chloe. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Hi. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Hi. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Guys, I'm not going to stop dating Chloe just because you think she has the crazy eyes. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," You can keep going out with her, but you're gonna regret it. One time, I met a girl at this very bar. I saw that she had the crazy eyes... But I ignored it. And then, sure enough. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Anything. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Of course. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," So, did you do it? " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," No. It ended up being just a twosome with the third one watching from a chair. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Which one were you? " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," I'd rather not say. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Look, there was a time I didn't believe in the crazy eyes either, and then I met Jeanine. She had serious crazy eyes. I told myself I was just imagining it, but then... " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," So, should we go get a drink? " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," You guys, Chloe is not gonna do any of that stuff. She's a nice girl from Nebraska. She's not crazy. She's... she's awesome. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Are you the one who's called me like nine times? " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," I'm in the middle of taking a test. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Well, what's going on? " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," No. Pfft. Not at all. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," So, she's needy crazy. That's one of the worst kinds. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," I've had one of those. Makes up stories to get attention. Went out with her for three weeks, her dad died twice. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Guys, she was really freaked out, okay? Maybe the story is true. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," What in the world would make you believe that's a true story? " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," She's really hot. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," They always are. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Yeah. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Ned. I told you to call him Ned. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," That's just sad. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Nah. Swarley has his own place. What was that? " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," So, here you go. Two pumpkin beers. I was joking. They're regular beers. What is that? This picture is broken. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Yeah. Is that what that sound was? Did you just smash this? " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Let me look into your eyes. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Yeah, me, too. Stop blinking. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Stooooop! " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," What's up Swarlz? " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," No. Okay? No. No more. I will not let this become a thing. It's over. No more Swarley. No Swarlz. No more Swar-lay. No more Swar... wait for it... ley. No more Bob Swarley, man. No more. No! It's over. Do you understand? " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Yes. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Yes. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Thank you. " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Nice. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Why didn't you call me? " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Was I supposed to call you? " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Yes, about the whole Marshall-dating-another-girl thing. " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," You said you were fine with it. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Yeah, in front of Ted, but then I sh*t you a look. " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," What look? " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," This. " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," That doesn't seem like a look. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Yes it is. It means, ""I'm upset call me later."" " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," You should have pulled me aside and told me what the look meant. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," If I pulled you aside, I wouldn't need the look. " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Well, maybe if it was a more distinctive look... " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Okay, the look isn't important. What's important is that I can't stand the idea of Marshall dating another woman. I mean, what if he falls in love with her? " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Well, if it makes you feel any better, Ted says she has the crazy eyes. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," What's that? " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Apparently, a thing women have that guys can see and it tells them that the girl's crazy. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Oh, kind of like how you never want to date a guy with perfect fingernails? " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Jerk nails. Exactly. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Well, did Ted say whether she was good-looking? I mean, 'cause if I knew she was ugly, then maybe I wouldn't be so freaked out. " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Uh, he didn't say, but you can find out. I think her name is Chloe, she works at Cosa Coffee on 78th. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Is, um, Chloe here? " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Oh, thanks, Brian. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Your tag says Brian. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Yeah, see you later, Brian. There she is. She doesn't look that great. She's not fat, but that doesn't mean anything. I know tons of skinny, ugly women. That's right, snotty girl in my yoga class, I'm talking to you. Come on, Chloe, turn around. Here we go. Turn around, Chloe. Come on, show me that hideous face. Damn it! Ooh, I know, I'll get ahead of her, then I'll cut back so I... Aah! Oh, my God, that hurts! Turn around! Come on! Just turn around! Okay, this is ridiculous. Hey! Turn around! What's the matter with you? Hey, you! Turn around! Turn around, Chloe! " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," She's hot? I'm so sorry. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," No, it's fine. It just makes things easier. Now that I know she's a thr*at, all I have to do is keep Marshall from ever seeing her again. Okay, I have two plans, you can help me choose. Plan A) remember that time Marshall and I had sex in the bathroom? Oops, I got knocked up. " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Lily. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Okay, plan B) is called ""Chloe's Accident."" " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Just stop. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," What? " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Lily, you can't do any of those things. If you two are ever gonna get back together, you have to let him work out whatever this is. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," I know. You're right. " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Now, come on, Ted asked us to be upstairs at 6:00. Some surprise for Barney. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Barney? " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Uh, Swarley. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Hey, guys. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Hey. Where's Marshall? " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Oh, he's getting a haircut. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Oh. For his date. Good for him. Hope he has a good time tonight. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Relax, you've got nothing to worry about. The girl's crazy. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Thanks! " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," He'll just have wild monkey sex with her five times, max, and be done with her. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Thanks again. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," What are you doing? " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," I just wanted to listen to a little music, that's all. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Ha-ha! Now I'm a woman. I love it! You know, I was thinking about this whole new name thing last night, and you know what I realized? I like it. " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," You like being called Swarley? " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Are you kidding? I want you to call me that. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Do you really think this is gonna work? " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Do I think what's gonna work? I'm just saying, I love my new name, so please only call me that from now on. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Call you what? " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," You know, that-that-that new name that you've been calling me. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Say it. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Why? You guys know what it is. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Say the name. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," No, I don't want to! I hate it! I hate it! It's not funny! It's never been funny! I've never done any... No! " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Man, he is really gonna lose it when all the magazine subscriptions start coming in. " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," I signed him up for People in Espanol, but I addressed it to Swarlos. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Hey, where's the picture of Marshall and me at the pier? Didn't it used to be by that window? " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Oh, yeah, he, uh, he sort of took it down when you left. Put it behind some books, I think. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Oh, well-well, maybe I should put it back up. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Why, so Chloe'll see it and get scared off? " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," No. So Marshall'll see it and feel guilty. Yeah, okay. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Wow, you really did memorize all the lyrics to ""We Didn't Start the Fire."" Can I, uh, can I get you a drink? " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," You got it. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Yeah, me, too. Stop blinking. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Stooooop! Hi. I'm Lily. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Lily... Lily, what the hell are you doing? " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," I don't know. I... I don't know... what I'm doing. Oh, pumpkin beer, that was a good one. I'm just... I'm gonna go. I... I'm so sorry. Enjoy the rest of your date. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Lily, what the hell... " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," I'm sorry. I only snuck up there because... When I saw how cute she was yesterday, I freaked out. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Lily, you saw her yesterday? " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Yeah, I... kind of chased her down the street. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Wait, so you were the hunchback with the limp? " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Yeah. And she didn't break the picture, I did. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," So Chloe's not crazy, she's... just a nice, normal girl. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Yeah, she is. And you deserve a nice, normal girl. So, why don't you just go back up there and finish your date. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Yeah. Okay. Wait, if you were the hunchback, then why did she think you were a guy? " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," I-I might have used a voice that sounded like this. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Why? " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Because I didn't want her to know it was me, which I now realize doesn't make sense, because she hadn't even met me. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," You're crazy. You have... crazier eyes than anybody that I have ever met. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Shouldn't you be going back up... " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," I mean, you're out of your mind. You're... just absolutely insane. " 2x07 - Swarley,Lily," Shouldn't you be going back upstairs? " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," I've missed you so much. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Okay, I ran it by the group, and we decided we're gonna give you a choice. We will agree to stop calling you Swarley, but instead, we'll call you Jennifer. Well? " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," I'm thinking. How about this? On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, you... " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Oh, my God. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," Hey, Chloe, I... guess I forgot I left you up here. " 2x07 - Swarley,Marshall," They're right there on the coffee table. " 2x07 - Swarley,Robin," Robin. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Roland? Your name's Roland. That's funny, right? Rock and Roland. Warsaw is the capital of what? Roland. You're Monica Roland-ski. Hey, yeah, that's just how I Roland. " 2x07 - Swarley,Ted," Nice try, Swarley. " 2x07 - Swarley,Barney," Damn it. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Thank you, Jim. I'm glad to be back on the show. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Hold on, Jimbo, it is extraordinary. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," It all started when I decided to start a small challenge. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Oh my God. Wow. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," He decides his victim. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Whatever the girl I'm trying to point is that I go with her tonight. And... they're off! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Hi! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," Hi! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," How did it go with Dale? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," You know, sometimes, the guy with thick glasses and a t-shirt of the Smurfs, it's just a cliche. And sometimes it is a moron with a squint and a platonic relationship with Gargamel. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," Robin, this is not because a guy talks a lot about a fictional character for your first date it can not be your future. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," The Yeti is not fictitious. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney,"Ted, from seeing That was fast. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Jim, there is nothing in my usual way to pack. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," That brings us to the second night. You see the b*mb that pampers its Black Russian ? She left to exchange it with a White American. Enter me five! You know... If you're not careful, you'll lose me. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," Guys, when Dale called for a second hot date, what do I tell her? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," How do you know he'll call? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," How cute, Marshall. But I think mom knows when she was a hit. I mean, he could not help but look at me. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," And well, do not push too. People can be fragile. And sometimes, without even trying, you can tear someone's heart, and crush it in front of a roomful of 26 people and a teacher's assistant. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," How it happened at school today, Ted? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Something bad happened. This was the first course of the semester... " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Jamie Adamic. Salvation. Brian Glow-atz. Glau-atz?Salvation. Well done. Add a false name on the call sheet, very original guys. You know, I expected a little maturity, coming from students like you, and frankly, more creative. I mean, seriously, what kind of fake name is Jen Coulin? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Come on guys, you would have at least been able to make it sound right. Jen Coulin? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," What happened to classic? Sat Troulcu, Ted and Bill Oukoi, Maby Stoukette, Roland Cule, that's false names, but Jen Coulin? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Jen Coulin! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Come on, I wait, swing all your jokes about Jen Coulin. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," We will not make jokes, Ted. I mean, this girl must really be in the hole. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," You really soiled the name of Jen Coulin. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Have you finished? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," You asked him if she had reached the right exit? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," Wow, two in a row, Barney is thoroughly. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," This is a lucky girl, Barney was my best sh*t. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," And this is the best friend I ever had. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," It is everything I love that Marshall either. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," It's all I want to be. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," I guess that's just what they said when I was gone. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Jim, I can tell you that I was gone, so I wanted a little spice. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," I think I'll take small tits tonight. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," You're yucky. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Lily, it's people too. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," thank you. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," Thank you. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," You share it? Your share forever. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," Of course not! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," There is no such Bizarros who share everything. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," Of course I do. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," That's exactly what you are. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," It is perfectly normal. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," What's happening guys? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," You know, Lily and I was looking for a new couple of friends since we lost Robin and Barney, and Ted and Stella and Ted and Robin, and Ted... Ted and Victoria, when do you arrive to keep one? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," How we came up with that? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," It was a great day out at 4 it was cool, we were relaxed, it was not freaked out. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," And there, a tiny detail has surfaced, and it ruined the whole evening. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," It's crazy that last week, it happened the same with our toothbrushes. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Our toothbrush? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," Yeah. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," As in, a toothbrush? You use both? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," That's weird? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Marshall, 4 of 5 dentists have just vomited on. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," Hey, look, Barney has yet fallen one. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," Wow. 3 girls in 3 nights. This is gross, even from Barney. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Yuck? Are you kidding? There is no one left to do... " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Do not tell! You're going to jinx him! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," Wear what bad luck? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," I had left to do... flawless. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," It was faultless. 7 nights, 7 girls, 0 rejection. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Yeah. The only player in history to have accomplished both Pete was Drexell 'The mustache' in 1896. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," You and me in the closet of the Spanish supermarket next door. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," I can even say, without a fault. I'd love to say the same of my friends. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Jen has not come into being today. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Excuse me, Jen? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," Yeah, Ted, we know tons of people who call Jen. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Yeah. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Jen Coulin. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," Oh, you're there. The dreaded call from Dale. Oh, that's my mother. She has big health problems. But why does he not call? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," Wait a second. Want it called? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," No! Shut up! You have not a kind of toothbrush to share or something like that? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Yeah. When did you start doing that too? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," It's been years! You had to know, you lived with us. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Yeah, but you always keep your toothbrush in the bathroom, which is, incidentally, also weird. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," We kept her in the bathroom. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," No, there was a toothbrush in the bathroom, and it was mine. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," Wait. Are you saying that for 8 years, you have shared a toothbrush every 3? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Oh my god! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Finish me! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," I'm having so much! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Well done, Jim. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Beer! Salvation. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Hi. How is Barney? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Like a charm. As all week. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Yeah? Hard to believe. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Why? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Apparently, this big merger last week went wrong, and Barney wears the hat. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," Oh, it's weird. He said nothing. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Even I who works with him, I just learned this afternoon when I walked past the office of his boss. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," I never thought about Barney so scared. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," I think he'll get fired. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," I can not believe that Barney is going to get fired. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Yeah, they have a meeting Friday to see if he keeps his job or not. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," Poor guy. It must pinball. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," I'll go talk to him. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," No! You can not distract a man who is right... you know what. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," Come on, it's his career. This is much more important than a stupid without... " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Ahh! Okay. You can lick my hand all you want, I will not let you ruin... Ouch! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," It must go talk to him. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," I'm going. He needs a brother. Hey buddy. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Hey! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Is everything okay? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Absolutely. A background. It could not get better. I make fun of that? I need you. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Anything you want. What's the matter? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Which of these girls look the most stupid? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Let's see it. Already heated to perfection? The smashed out? Ok I will deal for Big Mac. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Thank you, Skip. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," So what did he say? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," What? Oh, it will try with the girl holding the burger there. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," You were supposed to talk about his loss of job. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Lily, why is that force him to face a problem that can not adjust will help? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," And why ignore it will fix things? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," You're much ignored the problems of dental hygiene for a dozen years. And yet you seem to... " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," Jen Coulin! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," Jen Coulin. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Dale you called? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," Why do you... " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Guys, guys, look! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," No, sir. I like to play by the rules. While I can not say I did not propose to. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," It was pretty awesome. You should try it. I still have a few. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," No thank you. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," You sure? Ok, do as you like. What time is it? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," It's 8:00. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," 8:00? I have to go to hospital. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," I've never touched. I can pee in a jar if you like, Jim Nantz. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted,"... seriously guys. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Hey! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Hey, what are you doing here? Returns to the bar! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Ted, relax. I am already 6 of 6. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Really? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Yeah. I ate at the Tavern of vegetables, I started talking to the Swedish Top Model, and the next moment we batifolait in the back of a carriage. Go my beautiful, Hue! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Great. What really happened? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," I ate at the ""Staten Island Chili's,"" and I jumped a hairdresser completely stuffed. Are you happy, Ulysses? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," Barney, we know that you are going you may get fired. Wait, you ought to speak. You turn away from reality, kissing unnecessarily on all sides. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," No vain, ok? Between number 5 and I, there was a connection. She will resume her studies, she has a child or who is studying... something with ""studies"". " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Now my students have taught me that Jen Coulin abandon my material. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Oh, my God, you've really pushed to the limit. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," It scales all his education in the toilet. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," News from Dale? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," It's only been five days, he will call! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," What do you care? You said it was a big con. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," Tell Dale not like that, ok? It is twice as good as you never will! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," God forbid, if you manage to find a job, sell your apartment.Marshall and I, we have a free room. You can stay as long as you want. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," Forget not you bring your toothbrush. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Lily, what are you doing? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," I talk to my friend who is going through a difficult period. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," He's doing very well. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," Try to sleep with seven women in seven nights, that's not what I would call ""very well get out."" It is a cry for help. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," His whole life is a call for help. But we do not mess with a man who is in the midst of a no... " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," What? Without fault? Flawless, faultless, flawless! Grow up a little! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," I do not know what to tell you, Lily is always trying to ruin me any. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," You have the eye to notice such details, Jim Nantz. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," I can not believe that thou hast brought him bad luck. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," He has no chance. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," Ok, I have a question. If I ruined everything, why is it that Barney is in the process of hanging the girl three martinis in there? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Oh, my God! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," There's going to happen! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," Yeah, you know? Doors-jinx, it does not exist. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," I wish I had power. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Well, thank you to her, the only thing that can prevent a stroke insured was about to walk out the door. A member of the New York Yankees World Champions in 2009. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Lily, I'll buy my own toothbrush. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Well, that's it. Barney's still got to 6. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," What? Why? Because the guy with the weird cut went back? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," This is Nick Swisher. It is part of the New York Yankees. No regular guy from New York can not compete with a Yankee. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," And this is true for a former Yankee. When I arrived here, I was the fourth date with a girl I loved a lot before I do the fly by Phil Rizzuto. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," I was there. Damn, this guy could play. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," I'm still not. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," Ok, let me do it the Canadian So how do you react if one of those guys with skates and sticks came back here? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," Lily, if one of the Vancouver Canucks came here, I fall on my ass so that there would be a hole halfway to China in the soil. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," It's the same thing for the Yankees. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," Oh, Barney's done. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," It's happening, look. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," You wanna come to my house and watch the collection of snowballs? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," A collection of snow globes? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," He is pinball. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," It was well played, well played, well played. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," But not play well enough. All this week was a waste of time. And tomorrow I'm getting fired. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," I'm sorry. But for what it's worth, this week was not a waste of time. We all had a horrible week, and you have helped us change a little air. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Yeah, I got my first drop. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," I met my soul mate, and he never called back. Well, not yet. He will. He will. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," We frightened a couple great just because we share a toothbrush. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," You share a toothbrush? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," Well, they and Ted. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney,"... Huh? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Wait a minute. When we went out together, you borrow the toothbrush all the time. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," Oh, shit. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," At the second she sits next to Swisher, we reach the end. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Wait a minute! Aldrin was seen. She tries to escape, she jumps, and... I thought she would not do that. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," Yeah, sorry. I'm so clumsy! Oh, thank you. I think I twisted my ankle. Do what you can bring me some ice? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," She did! I believe that there is no jinx finally. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," Damn. Swisher is back in play Swisher is back in play! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," Follow me. Hey, Nick Swisher! This guy and his wife share a toothbrush! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," And it's weird, right? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," I'm sorry. Lily, Nick Swisher think it's cute. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Martini? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," You take a beer with a Yankee, if that's not cool! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," That's great, I'm all baseball. Mookie Wilson, while a player eh? " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Robin," I live just above. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Wow, to be honest, this is not my habit, but I feel a real connection, Number 7... Christy. I beg you. I did it! I did it! " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Thank you, Jim. I would never have done it without the help of my friends. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," Uh, Jim, I told you I wanted to talk about it. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," What a c**t. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Barney," I barely slept. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," That's the guy, the official caps of no fault of Barney. I was going to make t-shirts, but you know, sizes, all that, and it would hurt me to think. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Lily," In commemoration, at the entrance to the Barney legend, this tie, worn during his seventh night of her flawless, freshly removed. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Marshall," May the heroic story of Barney to be remembered, and transmitted from generation to generation. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," I already see myself in front of my children, trying to tell them when their uncle Barney kissed 7 chicks in a row. " 5x14 - Perfect Week,Ted," You send Wendy to say now? Go! It's good, I understood.Jen Coulin is a crap name, and it becomes increasingly shitty when it is repeated. Jen Coulin. Jen Coulin. Jen Coulin. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Coming up next, 'Is your baby trying to k*ll you?' " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"So, I got up this morning, its freezing. So I walked over there. And I don't know why I am still talking. Because clearly we are all asking the same question. What in God's creation is going on with Robin's breasts. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"I know, right, isn't that amazing? I spent half an hour making these happen. Its tape in there, cotton balls, half of a Nerf football, but it works, right? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Totally. What's the occasion? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"And old friend from Canada is in town and I'm meeting him for a drink. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Ooh! Somebody you went to Degrassi with? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"No. Actually, he was my first boyfriend. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Simon. I thought he was the coolest guy ever. He smelled like Drakkar. He could ollie on a skateboard. He had the most amazing collection of Hard Rock Cafe T-shirts. We spent the whole summer madly in love. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Tell me more. Tell me more. Like, did he have a car? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"So he's the guy who... How shall I say this like a gentleman? Robin, did he take your maple leaf? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"No, it wasn't like that. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Sounds to me like he gave you your first ""O, Canada!"" face. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Wait, wait. Did he break up with you and tell you he's just not that Inuit? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Um, something about fur trapping. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Did you ride his Zamboni? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"Wait, wait, wait. Did he...? I think I'm out. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Yeah, I'm also ""oot. Okay, now I'm really out. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Well, I'm sorry, guys. It was all very tame. We only dated for a week and a half. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Wha...? I thought you said you were together all summer. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Yeah. Summer in Canada is pretty much the last week of July. Anyway, one night, his band just finish playing this gig... " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Oh, my God! Simon. That was such a good show. You guys totally rocked out. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"What? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Louise Marsh?! That's a whore's name if I ever heard one. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"Yeah, why would he want to get back together with Louise Marsh? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Oh... So... I totally... I get it. Pools are great. Swimming's awesome. We have a sprinkler. Run right through it. Well, I should go. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Yeah, Simon? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"No! Tell me you did not load the drum set. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"I did. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"And now he's coming here? Robin, why do you want to see this guy? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Oh! I know why. You're gonna win, aren't you? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"I have no idea what you' talking about. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Yes, you do. Whenever you haven't seen someone for a long time, no matter how much you want to deny it, there's always a clear winner and a clear loser. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Well, since you brought it up, let's add up the points. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"You're starting out with two big ones right there. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Thank you. Okay. So, Simon still lives with his mom. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Point Robin. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Um, he never became a rock star. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Point Robin. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"He now works at a water slide park outside of Ottawa. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"Point Simon. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Wait. Do they have a wave pool? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"No. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"Ah. Point Robin. That's five-zip. There's no coming back from that. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Yeah, he's going down. I mean, unless somehow, he got hotter. There he is. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,", " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Okay, what the hell just happened? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Oh, come on, it wasn't so bad, was it? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Hey, Simon. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Yeah. You look great. You got hotter, like that's possible. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"So... Look, I know it didn't go as planned, but I can't help it. I mean... he's still got it. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"So he's not a snob. He's from a different part of Canada, you know? The maple leaf flag on the back of the pickup truck? He's Red Province. He's from the Deep North. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"The thing is, we gave you so many opportunities. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"So, Simon, Robin's a bit of a local celebrity here in New York. She's the lead anchor at Metro News One. Tell him, Robin. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"No. It's stupid. It's not cool, like Simon's shirt. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"I'm sorry, Simon. Here we are nattering on about our big celebrity. What do you do for a living? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Huh! A water slide park. That sure is different than what Robin does. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Um... " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"No, I didn't know... " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Oh, well, sure. I mean, if I was actually... " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Well, that's cool. You got to pay the bills somehow since your whole music thing didn't really pan out, did it? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"The Foreskins are still playing? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"The Foreskins? How'd you guys come up with that name? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"I know. I'm sorry. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"I know. I'm sorry. But you guys just don't understand. The fact that he kept the band going...that's impressive! I mean, I gave up my musical dream. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Which brings us to the most important piece of information from tonight. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"So, Simon, how did you guys meet? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Starred in it is more like it. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"I'm sorry. I've seen ""Let's Go to the Mall"" about a thousand times, and you, sir, are not in it. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"There's another video?! " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Robin, seriously, just make this easier on yourself and give us the tape. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"No. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"All right! You leave me no choice. From this moment on, I will spend every waking minute ching down this tape. I will not sleep. I will not eat. My life will be a living hell of search engines and overseas phone calls, chasing down something that possibly can't be found. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Okay. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"It's just... It was so hard to watch, Robin. You're usually so cool. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sitting next to Simon, and suddenly I'm 16 again. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Oh, it's actually a common thing. When you're around someone from your past, you kind of revert back to who you were when you knew them. There's not really a name for it, though. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"It's called ""revertigo."" " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Yeah, I don't know about ""revertigo."" " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"You know who gets really bad revertigo? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Michelle? She sounds hot. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"You don't know about Lily and Michelle? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"No. What about Lily and Michelle? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"Oh, my friend, you are in for a treat. Hey, Lil? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"What? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"You know, I was just thinking, we haven't seen your friend Michelle in a while. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Oh, yeah. I'll give her a call, see if she wants to hang out. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"What... " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"Better. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Comparable. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"Comparable. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Whatever. It's over. I lost. I guess you, uh, you don't get second chance. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"I got a second chance. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"What happened? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"He came by my place tonight... " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Simon. What are you doing here? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Oh, I like where this is going. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"He asked you out?! Oh, step into my web, Simon. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"The coup de grace. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Finish him! " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"I'd love to! " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Wait. You're going on a date with Simon? That Simon?The one we met? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Robin, this guy doesn't deserve a second chance. Not after the way he treated you. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"That was ten years ago. People evolve. I mean, are you the same person that you were in high school? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Oh, hell, no! " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"I think you're gonna enjoy this. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"That my girl Michelle? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"How she livin'? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Oh, girl, you gots to get your drink on up in here. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"For reals. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"I want her around all the time. I'd even consider not trying to sleep with her if that's what it takes. Guys, I've decided to seduce Michelle. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Yeah! " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"That rocked. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Oh, uh, sure. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Oh, cool. I wish I didn't have to go to work in the morning. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Oh, well, you know, it's not a show. It's the news. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"And now it's time for ""Puppy Corner,"" some little angels looking for a new home, courtesy of the Midtown Animal Shelter. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Hey, a lot of puppies got adopted. Of course, a lot of the people calling in thought we were going to k*ll them. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"Robin, your revertigo is really starting to affect your work. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"What's revertigo? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"It's a stupid, made-up word with no meaning. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"No. It's a phenomenon where, when you're around people from your past, you start behaving like them. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Oh. One example of that springs to mind. I think we all know what it is. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"You do? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Yeah. Ted. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Me? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Whenever Ted's friend Punchy comes into town, it's like, all of a sudden, Ted's in high school again. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Okay, okay. First of all, his name is Adam Punciarello, and I don't do that. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Ooh. That must be Adam. 'Sup, Punchy? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"You want to go? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Dude, seriously, I'm sorry about your dad. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"I can't believe you, of all people, are saying this. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Why? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"No reason. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"Robin, the point is, what are you doing? I mean, this guy? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Okay, you want the truth? Yeah. I like Simon. I do. We have fun together. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Oh, we know you do, honey, but we're worried about you. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"You're worried? Okay, hold on. Is there any version of this conversation where you guys don't sound like my parents? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"I don't know. Is there any version where you don't sound like a 16-year-old? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"That's exactly what my mom would say. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"No. If I was your mom, I woulsay, ""We forbid you from seeing this boy."" " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Lily! " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"No, I'm sorry, but it's for your own good. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"This is my life! You guys just don't get it! You've never felt the way that I feel! " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"Now, now. We were once young and in love, too. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Yeah, like, a billion years ago. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"You've been drinking, haven't you? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Yeah, we all have. You bought the last round. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"You're not going to that show tonight! " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Oh, yes, I am, and you know what else? Tonight, after the show, Simon and I are going all the way. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Young lady, get back here! Thanks for your help. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Hey, so, today at work... " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"Not now, Ted! " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Geez. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Oh, hey, Simon. Great show. You guys still rock. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"God, I just love seeing you so happy. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"What? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"Well... I'm sorry, Robin. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"I'm fine, really. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Oh, Robin, I'm gonna tell you for real. Simon's a dawg. You feel me, Chelle? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Lily,"Mm. True dat. I'ma get me my champagne and grape soda on. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Ted,"So, how's Columbia? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Um, can I make an observation? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Marshall,"Revertigo? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"All right. I can't find your video. I've wasted three days tr... What's the matter? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Uh... Simon dumped me in his van after the show. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Yeah, Robin, that was, like, ten years ago. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"No, tonight. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Ooh. Really? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"It's just... when I was young, I was so... vulnerable and-and open to things, you know? And... I guess I just... I wanted to feel that way again. I wanted to be 16 again. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Robin, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth. You want to be 16 again? I have watched your first Robin Sparkles video 1,000 times, and it's not because I'm proud of you as a friend. It's because you were totally, totally lame back then. But now, come on. Pa-cow! You're the most awesome person I have ever known. Well, second most awesome. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Right. Of course, the-the first being you. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"No. No. The first is this guy who lives in a place called the mirror. What up?! I'm saying that you are way more awesome than Simon ever will be. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Barney, do you want to come back to my place? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Your place? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Are you sure you want to do this? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Yeah. I am. Let's just not tell anyone about this, okay? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Of course. So, should I just put it in? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Yeah, why not? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"This was my big artistic follow-up to""Let's Go to the Mall."" It kind of t*nk. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Is that Tiffany? Mm-hmm. You are so rad. It's everything I want it to be and more. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Oh, I'm so glad. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Is that Alan Thicke? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Yeah. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"You know, if you reedit it, there's a tampon commercial in here somewhere. Do you seem how lame you were back then? " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"Yeah, you're right. I was lame. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Barney,"Totally lame. Ugh. And, of course, the robot makes an appearance in the sad love ballad. " 3x16 - Sandcastles in the Sand,Robin,"He was my sidekick. He had to be. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," Yeah, I ship out tomorrow for two years. You know, some people say the Peace Corps is the most noble thing a person can do. To those people, I say, ""Is it?"" And usually they say, ""yes it is."" " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," Oh, Tanya, I'm so glad you said that. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Hey, where the hell did you disappear to last night? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," I had the most amazing night ever. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall," Tell me about it, that cake, best cake I ever had. Seriously. My stomach was like, hey bro, I don't know what you're eating 'cause I don't have any eyes but it's basically awesome so keep sending it down gullet alley. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Yeah, I know. My stomach was like, girlfriend, we don't always get along but that cake... " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall," Say what? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Lily. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Oh right. Most amazing night ever, and go. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," I'm guessing you haven't always had this rule. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Exactly. Exactly, like, like just now, when I saw you doing the chicken dance out there, I'm not gonna lie to you, big time thunderbolt. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Sadly not out of character. But I know now it's just a mirage. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Exactly. And that, in a nutshell, is why I'm not putting the moves on you. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," What, you think this is the moves? Believe me, you'd know the moves. People ten tables away would know the moves. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Tell me about it. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Interested. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Less interested. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Go ahead. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," What are you saying? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Unless... " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Wow. OK, I'm in. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," I guess, what, we'll need fake names? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Pleased to meet you, Buttercup. I'm Lando Calrissian. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Wow, this is kind of exciting. Our names will forever be shrouded... " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," Ted, Ted, Ted, look, I got a bridesmaid, Ted, look, look, Ted, the second hottest bridesmaid, Ted, look. See ya Ted. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," So, I'm Ted. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," No last names. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall," Oh. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Oh, what is wrong with you? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall," Dude, that is just like... a weenie ass idea. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," No, it was awesome. I had a great night, I'm never gonna see her again, and there's no way to ruin it. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall," Ted, how do I explain this to you? Last night I had the best cake of my life. You think I'm gonna let that cake out of my life? Hell, no. I'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake and then I'm gonna get some more cake. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," That cake really got to you, huh? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall," It haunts me. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," So, what happened next? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Mm-hm. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Yes, but we'll need a diversion. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Kiss. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Go. Go, go, go " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," So, that's what happened to the bouquet. You know, good for Victoria. It's such an evil tradition. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," You're not gonna do it at your wedding? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Oh, yeah, I'm gonna take that flower grenade and chuck it into the crowd and scream, crawl for it, bitches. It's just what girls do. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall," So, where did you guys go? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Very nice. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," I couldn't really tell. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Well, it's too bad you're not gonna get some tonight. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," No you couldn't. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Totally get some. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," I will use exactly the right amount of tongue. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," OK. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," OK. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall," A drumroll? That's it. So, what, you just said good-night, came home, and performed a drum solo? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Oh, Ted, you're such a doof. I mean, this girl sounds amazing. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," She was completely amazing. She was amazing and funny and we connected on every level. And, I'm never gonna see her again. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Dammit, I have to see her again. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall,"Lily, Yes. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall," So, let's get to work, man. What else do you know about her? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Nothing. Her name's Victoria, that's all I got. Wait, Claudia, Claudia would know. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Well, Claudia's on her honeymoon. She'll be back in two weeks. Call her then. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Yes, two weeks, good idea. I'm calling her now. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," No, Ted, you don't mess with a honeymoon. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall," Yeah, come on, dude. Ask her about the cake. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Hey, Claudia, great wedding, beautiful toast, touching stuff. How's the honeymoon? Listen, I'm calling because last night I met this girl and I was wondering if you had... " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," I've moved on. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Uh, no, her name was Victoria, I don't know her last name. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Thank God. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," There was no Victoria at the wedding. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Maybe she used a second fake name. Oh, she's good, she's very good. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall," Maybe she was a ghost. That's why she didn't wanna kiss you, because you'd just pass right through her and feel really cold for a second. Oh my God, I just had a great idea for a screenplay. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Marshall. She was not a ghost. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall," I know that she wasn't a ghost, she picked up a bouquet, proving she had corporeal form. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Wait, wait, wait, she was sitting across from a couple of bridesmaids. She must have been at their table. Maybe they know who she was? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Great. How do we get in touch with the bridesmaids? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," This better be good, I'm about to enter nirvana. By the way, I should give you Nirvana's phone number, she gives a great massage. Say what? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," Ow. I know the house rules. Es un chiste. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Uh, listen, Barney, I saw you talking to that bridesmaid last night. Did you happen to get her phone number? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," You know I did. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Great. I'm gonna need you to call her for me. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," You know I won't. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Why not? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," Because we just hooked up last night. I can't call the girl the next day. I have to wait at least, like, forever. Oh snap. Never gonna call her. Besides, she thinks I'm on my way to India. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Oh, come on, Barney. It's for a good cause. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," Ted going all castrati over another girl is exactly not a good cause. Sorry, buddy, I wish I could help you, my hands are tied. Oh no, wait, that was last night. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," OK, Barney, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. You make this call and I will go with you to Foxy Boxing. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted,"Barney: Really? Yeah. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," Really? Yeah. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," But you always said that Foxy Boxing girls were neither foxy nor good at boxing. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," I'm ready to be proven wrong. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted,"Barney: Tonight? Tonight. Dial. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," Tonight? Tonight. Dial. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," Yeah, Tanya, turns out I don't leave for the Peace Corps until tomorrow. Yeah, I know, sucks. Just one fewer day I get to help people. Anyway, this girl, any idea who she was? Hold on. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," What kind of shoes... " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," Tanya, he's a dude. He's not gonna know what kind of shoes she was wearing. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Actually. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," Oh come on. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," So, what do you want to do next? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Don't think...first thing that comes into your mind. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Whoa. There she goes. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," Apparently she was wearing brown shoes with little snowflakes on them. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," Sorry, Ted, I won't be able to make foxy boxing tonight. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," I understand. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," OK, let's not lose hope. We'll call the hotel, maybe she was staying there. We'll have them check the registry for anyone named Victoria. Or maybe she goes by Vicky or Tori... " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall," Or Ictor. Probably doesn't go by Ictor. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," No, you know what? This is fate. I am never supposed to see this girl again. That was the whole point of the night. I've just been saved from myself. Let's drink many beers. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall," Agreed. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Hey, there's the anchor lady! How was it? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," Oh, I don't know. Why don't you ask the new substitute weekend anchor. Robin? Thanks, Robin, it was awesome. Back to you, Robin. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Congrats, that's so cool. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," Yeah, I felt really bad bailing on Ted though. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Oh, don't even worry about it. In fact... " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," What? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," I know who she is. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," You know who she is? But, you weren't even at the wedding. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," Actually, I kind of was. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," What? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," Well, after the newscast, I was so excited, I decided to surprise Ted by going to the reception. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," Dammit. Stop it. What the hell? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Just allergies or something. I'm fine. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," Oh, thanks, but I don't actually cry in front of people, or cry at all for that matter. Man, it's gross. Does everyone snot up this much when they cry? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Because you have feelings for Ted. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," I don't know, maybe. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," OK, what is wrong with the two of you?! Seriously. He likes you and you like him, just, just, just be together. Geez, Louise, happiness is not that difficult. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," Oh, look, OK. Yes, I cried in the bathroom, and that was weird. But that doesn't mean I'm in love with the guy. The fact is I don't know how I feel. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Yes you do. Seeing him with someone else and crying about it. Guess what? That's how you feel. That is nothing but how you feel. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," OK, fine, I have feelings for him. Happy? Lily: Kinda, yeah. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," OK, fine, I have feelings for him. Happy? Kinda, yeah. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," But it doesn't change anything. I still don't wanna get married and he's still... Ted. What I should do is just tell him who Victoria is so he could be happy. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Or you could tell him you're into him and then you could both be happy. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," I'm gonna go find him. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Well, wait. Which one are you gonna tell him? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," I have no idea. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," And here's the most amazing part. Because I told her I converted all my money to India dollars, she gave me fifty bucks to take a cab to the airport. That's right, I just got paid for sex. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," I really should give this money to the Peace Corps. They've done so much for me lately. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," Hi, guys, " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Hey. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," Um, Ted, can I talk to you outside for a second? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Sure. What's up? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," Uh, I, I have to tell you something. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Oh. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," Oh, just get it. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Hello. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," It's fine, Claudia. Don't worry about it. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Oh, um, Marshall wanted to know where you guys got that cake. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin," Thanks. You're very sweet. So, are you a friend of the bride or groom? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," She made the cake. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Buttercup Bakery. She wasn't on the guest list because she wasn't a guest. She made the cake. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall," She made that cake. Ted, this is the girl. You gotta marry her, today. She has to move in with us. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," I'm going down to that bakery. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," No, no, don't do it. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall," Baby, what are you talking about?! " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Yeah, all day long, you've been busting my apple bag about finding this girl. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Robin,"Lily: Well, I just think that maybe she's not that into you and that's why she didn't give you her number. Robin, care to chime in with anything? Yes. Ted. Go get her. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Well, I just think that maybe she's not that into you and that's why she didn't give you her number. Robin, care to chime in with anything? Yes. Ted. Go get her. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Going. Getting. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," Ted, oh my gosh, I love this moment. You know why? Because I'm gonna say it and this time you're actually gonna say yes. You ready? You ready to say yes? Ted, suit up! " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Yes! No. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," Oh come on! " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Whoa. Guess we were gone a while. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Why yes I am. Sorry, I could tell what you were just thinking. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Damn, he's looking mighty fine in that tux. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," You know, I don't look like this every day. On a real weekend, the real Ted wears a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt with bleach stains on it. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Lily," Buttercup Bakery. This is it. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Marshall," Good luck, dude. Grab me a cupcake. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," Ted, you still with us? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Tell me your last name. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," You know, there's one little flaw in our plan. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," I'm gonna go home tonight with a lot of great memories and one really sucky memory: the memory of you walking out that door. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," Yeah? " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," One, two, three, four, five. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," And to our dying day, we will remember everything about that night as perfect. Maybe we both need that. So many things go wrong in life, but this is the one thing that never will. It'll always, always be pure, unadulterated awesome. If I walk in there, I'm robbing both of us of what could be... " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Barney," The meter's running, dude. Crap or get off the pot. " "1x13 - Drumroll, Please",Ted," OK. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Yeah? And I'd sure love to give a rat's ass. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Your move. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Screw the environment! " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Sir, none of that is... " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"Invitations for the demolition of The Arcadian. As head of the project, I get to decide how we knock it down. I'm torn between training an actual coyote to use an ACME dynamite plunger, or hooking up a fuse to Eddie Van Halen's guitar that goes off the second he hits the last note to ""Hot For Teacher."" Barney! Barney! Bar... No, no. I'm going to go coyote. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Wait. While no one wants to see a, uh, coyote wearing a little hard hat more than me, rememberZoey's protest could still shut your whole project down. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"Oh, come on. Zoey's not shutting anything down, standing out there with her stupid megaphone, screaming in the wind; butt cheeks trembling with fury; her perky breasts heaving; her self-righteous nipples... " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Dude, that's my girlfriend. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"Point is, we are taking her and The Arcadian down. Am I right, Teddy Westside? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"You know it. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Okay. See, that's so weird to me. One second you're defending Zoey, and the next, you're talking about her going down. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"Glad to know she's also mouthy in a good way. What up? Dude, that's his girlfriend. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Isn't it tough dating the woman that's trying to prevent your building from being built? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"At first, yes, but we figured out a great way to deal with itwe never talk about it. And since then, we've really been enjoying each other's company. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"So, every time The Arcadian comes up, you guys just awkwardly change the subject? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Yeah, but you'd be surprised. It doesn't even come up that often. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"So Oprah's retiring. Oof! What's that world gonna be like? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Wait, Marshall's helping you save The Arcadian, now. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Yeah, totally. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"So, they found water on Mars. What? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Listen, um, I hate to go up against my two best friends, but... I really, I really need this right now. I mean, we're, we're cool, right? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"Not only do you quit the job I stuck my neck out to get you, now you sabotage the project I'm in charge of? Is this because I brushed Lily's boob with my elbow, the other day? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"That was on purpose! " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"I mean this is really like... " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Barney, please... " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Oh! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Babe, can I get you a drink? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"No, I'm still not... ready to put my mouth on anything yet. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"I know. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"You know what? Screw this. Game on. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Can you believe this one? Wants our booth. Keeps giving us the walk-by. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"That bitch is not giving us the walk-by. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"The walk-by with the stink eye. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,", " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Barney! Your wife just called from the hospital! It's a boy! " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"No. I' was... I was... " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,", " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"Pfff. Try 283. 250 was months ago. No, no, no. No, I mean, you're totally 250, baby. No, don't. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Oh, bye-bye. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Mr. Stinson... I had to rush down as soon as I got your results. I'm sorry, but your crabs have super-herpes. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Oh, boy. Look who's back. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Look, Lily, I think this girl wants our seats. Should we leave... or stay here Lionel Richie style ""All Night Long""? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Excuse me waitress, I'll have a mojito! And you'll have a no-seat-ho. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Ah, yes... the sweet, smoky taste of victory. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"Are you sure it doesn't taste like anything else? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"That's it! " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"Kent! Kent! " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Oh, God! Ow... Why would you do that to your own jacket?! " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"That's what you get, you traitor! " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Oh, really? Really? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"Yeah. Really. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Really. That... what... " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Ejected! " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Carl! Oh... This has nothing to do with us. You're totally ridiculous. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"This stupid feud isn't going to end until Marshall and Barney finally talk about their feelings, cry, and then hug it out like they do on Oprah. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Man, what are we going to do without her? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Oh... " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Wait, you know what, these guys are not going to get all mushy sober. We need to get these bitches drunk. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Yes, but the right kind of drunk. Uh... we should go with something mellow. Maybe red wine? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Oh, I don't know. Red wine has kind of an odd effect on Barney. He reaches a point of sad clarity. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"I'm a B-plus. My whole life, I was hoping to be an A, and I'm a B-plus. And I'm okay with that. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"If we want them to open up, I say we go straight-up gin. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Oh... last time Marshall got gin-drunk was at that douchey bar Barney likes to go to. Marshall almost got in a fight that night. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Look at this meatball. He's headed right towards me, showing me no respect. Well, if he wants to play chicken, this rooster ain't backing down! Oh. Mirror. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"How about martinis? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Absolutely not. I'm not going anywhere near you and a martini. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Why not? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Ooh... You know what would be stupid? If we made out. That would be so stupid. Hey, I dare you guys to dare us to make out. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Every time. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"I only say that because it would be so stupid if we did. So stupid... " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Uh-huh. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Oh, yeah? Well... what about you and absinthe? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"I don't know. We could have water, soda, purple stuff... " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"We're a dream a baby's having. We're a dream a baby's having. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"I keep telling you, that didn't happen. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"It happened, and it changed me. How about daiquiris? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Maybe. When Marshall has daiquiris... he gets really into how beautiful he is. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,", " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Hey, Marsh, you know that's another mirror, right? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Peppermint schnapps? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"No. Peppermint schnapps turns Barney into Richard Dawson. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Who? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"The crazy old host of Family Feud, who greeted women by kissing them on the mouth. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"Hey there, darlin'. How you doin'? Ah, is this your sister? Mmm... Beautiful. Mmm... " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Hey, where are our chicken wings? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"Show me chicken wings! " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Okay, I'm gonna go pick up Zoey, then we're off. See you Sunday. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Oh, wait, Ted. Do you have a specific reaction to any kind of alcohol? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Bourbon. When I drink bourbon... I get weirdly good at beatboxing. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Peace, I'm out. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Yeah, Ted, I hate to tell you, but the bourbon only makes it sound good to you. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Peace. I'm out. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"You had to take that away from me, didn't you? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Well, enjoy Martha's Vineyard. Hopefully by the time you get back, we'll be allowed back into MacLaren's. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"What do you mean? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Barney and Marshall's feud got us banned from the bar. We lost our booth. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Stop. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Man, how did things get so screwed up? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"You and The Arcadian are ruining my life! What? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"We're talking about this. Look, I can handle you trying to prevent me from fulfilling a life-long dream. That's just being in a relationship. But now? You turn my best friend against me? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Because he's going through a lot right now. He, he's looking for something to believe in, and you took advantage of that. You're, you're just like those Internet swindlers who tricked him into paying 300 bucks for a lock of Sasquatch fur. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Okay. You know what? We're settling this once and for all. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"We've cross-referenced every alcohol with Marshall and Barney's reaction. What's the right drink for this situation? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Well, they're not talking. They're not even looking at each other. That reminds me of those awkward Sunday dinners with my mom, my dad and his mistress. Families, right? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"I-I guess. That... seems like a whole other thing. We need a drink that will start a fight. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"Do you know what I had to do to get you that job? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Do you know what I had to do to will myself to show up every day? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"What, wear a wrinkled suit and not give a damn about what your hair looked like? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"I showed up with wet hair once! Once! " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"Oh, my God. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Well, here we are. I had a reservation at a four-star inn overlooking the ocean but, uh... How can that compete with such a beautiful, magnificent hotel? Welcome to The Arcadian. So here's the deal. If you can last until sunrise in your precious Arcadian, I'll join your side. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"That's not a chocolate. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Okay, now we need to get them something that will make them emotionally vulnerable and completely, pathetically honest. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Yeah, we need a drink that, that takes subtext and turns it into text. Yeah. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"See, ever since the death of my father, I have been drawn to the idea of preservation. That's why The Arcadian speaks to me. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"Ever since my father walked out on my childhood, I've had serious abandonment issues. You walking out on me like that... " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Oh God, I didn't even think of that... " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"It made me wonder, ""What could I have done to make him stay?"" " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Look, you didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't you, Barney. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"That's what everyone keeps saying but people just keep leaving me. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Wow. That got real o'clock. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Yeah. We need to get them up and having fun. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Dance, my puppets, dance! " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Now do you see why I'm always interfering in other people's lives? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Oh, God, totally! " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Dust just flew out of that comforter in the shape of a skull. Whoa, something just passed through me. Can you get STDs from the ghost of a prostitute? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"What are... What are you doing in our bathroom? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Okay. Final round. What simple act will get the boys to finally forgive each other? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Sharing a brandy. Which is what I walked in on my parents doing once. Brandy was my father's mistress. God, parents. Right? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Again, just a whole other thing, sweetie. Where'd they go? Oh, no. They did shots. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"What? What is it? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"What's the worst thing they could possibly drink right now? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"Your place or mi... Your place or mi... Le-Let's go to your place. Mm. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Uh, these were supposed to be for a romantic dinner on our balcony as we were serenaded by the sounds of the ocean. But I guess we'll have to settle for what sounded like two very large men having sex next door... with a third very small man. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Okay. What is it? And don't give me, ""It's beautiful."" Don't give me, ""It's magnificent"" What is it about this place that makes you so passionate to save it? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Why, why have you never told me that? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"I love you. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Well, what drink finally did the trick? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Of course, beer. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"I love you. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"I love you. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"Uh, no. N-Not right... " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"You know, I guess this place isn't so bad. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"What was what? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"I don't see anything. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Oh, my God! It's the cock-a-mouse! " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Cock-a-mouse. Part cockroach, part mouse. It used to live in our apartment. It must have settled here, and... Oh! Look, it had babies! Good for it. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Be well, my friends! Aw, just how we left them. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Morning. Who wants breakfast? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"You have some coffee? So I can throw it in this traitor's face? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"Oh, yeah? Hey! Hey! Do you guys have some pancakes, because I... would really like some pancakes. They're fantastic. Let's be honest, I love them. But I hate this guy! " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"I thought they made up last night. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Damn it, I know what happened. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Marshall,"I love you. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"I love you. Uh, no. N-not right... " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Carl, a round of champagne. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Ooh! The champagne. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"We gave them one drink too many. They must've blacked out and forgotten the whole thing. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"What kind of dirtbag doesn't stand by his best friends, but instead sides with some self-righteous bitch with a pointless cause and a megaphone? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Ted,"Dude. That's my girlfriend. And you know what? I'm on her side now, too. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Barney,"Whoa, whoa, you have got to be kidding me. Ted... " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Okay, what drink can fix this? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Mama's done with this drama. What drink can fix the headache these clowns are giving me? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"I got it. " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Robin,"Right? " 6x22 - The Perfect Cocktail,Lily,"Time is music the planets make. Music the planets make... " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"This is taking forever. Are you sure you did it right? " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"Is there a wrong way to pee on a stick? " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Hey, can I ask you a question that's plagued me for years? Can girls aim? " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"Um, can boys aim? 'Cause it seems to me like I'm taking a mop to that bathroom floor every two days. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Okay, you're the one who put the " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"It's been two minutes. " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"One, two, three. " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"It's positive. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"It's positive? It's positive. " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"I'm pregnant. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"What?! " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"I've never seen that woman before in my life! Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations! " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"To Lily and Marshall. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Well, thank you. I mean, we've never been happier. Can't imagine anything bringing me down right now. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Well, that did it. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Are you sure you did it right? " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Hey, Punchy, I've given this some serious thought. I think I know how we can crush these floral arrangements. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Peonies, lavender blossoms with a halo of baby's breath for an ambiance of springtime rejuvenation. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"It's gonna be a magical day. ( " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"I do wish you were a dude. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Because if I was a dude, I could have Ted Mosby as my best man. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"No, and here's why.,Ted, the best man's job is not to crush the floral arrangements. It's to get the groom down the aisle, because, no matter who he is, he will freak out. And I just don't think you have what it takes to get that get that soldier to pick up his r*fle and charge up the hill. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Uh, are you forgetting I've done this before? I was Marshall's best man. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"And how did that go again? Oh for one. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Oh, come on. That wasn't my fault. And need I remind you, I gave a beautiful toast. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"Ted. (Both yelling) Oh, do you take one to be your lawfully wedded wife? Oh, God, I'm freaking out. Why did I chose Ted to be my best man? " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Uh, yeah. It's hard to take criticism from someone who just recorded seven episodes of " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Why this sudden obsession with " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"Well, it turns out that " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"So now, because of that incident, " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"You mean coin flip bimbo? " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"They're not bimbos! " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"You auditioned, didn't you? " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"You're the new coin flip bimbo? " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"Currency rotation specialist. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Robin, you better check yourself before you trebek yourself. You're a journalist! What is the matter with you? " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"Well, it's a national audience! I get to wear shiny dresses! " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Robin, have you forgotten about your New Year's resolution? " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"I am never drinking again. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"No, before that. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,", " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Before that, too. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"I moved here to work for a big-time cable news channel like World Wide News. Mm-hmm. Well, by this time next year, I will be wearing a World Wide News I.D. badge around my neck. And to show you that I'm serious, this is my first and only drink of the night. Okay. Okay? Oh, damn, that's smooth. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"I thought you finally got that interview at World Wide News. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"Well, I did, but they only offered me a boring, low-paid, off-camera research job. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Which could be a stepping stone to bigger things in your career. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"Well, so could " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"I'm pregnant. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"What?! " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin," Oh, my God! They're really having a baby. What am I doing with my life? Starting Monday, I'm a currency rotation spe... Oh, who am I kidding? I'm a coin flip bimbo, and I'm still single. Okay, let's not go there, Scherbatsky. That's a whole other thing. I've got to take that World Wide News job. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"Well, you are looking at the new associate researcher at World Wide News. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Oh, my gosh. That's amazing news. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"What changed your mind? " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"Marshall and Lily. I just realized that I am about to have a little niece who looks up to me. And I don't want to be sad aunt Robin, the aging coin flip bimbo who gives her the creeps. I want to be cool aunt Robin, the respected journalist... ( " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"What? " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"What? Oh. I have never seen you guys looking so at peace. To Lily and Marshall. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Well, thank you. I mean, we've never been happier. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"Hi, Mr. Trebek. This is Robin Scherbatsky. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"As honored as I am by the offer, um... ( " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"You are looking at the new coin flip bimbo. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"You took the " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"Yeah. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"What about World Wide News, your I.D. badge? You made a New Year's resolution. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"Okay, I also said I would never make out with a garbage man. Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. What's with the gingerbread house? " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"We're seeing a Christmas movie. It's a Christmas-themed movie snack. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"Let's hope Santa brings you a girlfriend this year, Teddy. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Where the hell is Barney? " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"Marshall & It's positive. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"And now she's totally winning " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Hey, guys. A yuletide riddle. What is my second favorite word that begins with b-o-n? " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Bon Jovi? " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Yeah. What is my third favorite word that begins with b-o-n? " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"My God, Barney! I work for GNB, too. All I got was $15 gift card to Costa Coffee. " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"And you earned it, buddy. Check out what I'm gonna buy for myself. The dibiase. See those pinstripes? Diamonds. It is the uppest a person could ever suit. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Uh, has it ever occurred to you to give some of this to charity? " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Charity? You're seriously talking to me about charity? Dude, I am Mr. Charity. I frequently sleep with sixes, chubsters, over-thirties... I am the bill and Melinda gates of the sympathy bang. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Hey, guys. Big announcement. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Let me guess. You got a huge bonus check, too. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"No, just a $30 gift card to Costa Coffee. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Thirty?! " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"I'm pregnant. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"What?! " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"What?! I've never seen that woman before in my life! Sorry, force of habit. Congratulations! " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney," Huh. Marshall and Lily are doing something meaningful. And it's making me less happy about this bonus. And I'm still single. At least I got that going for me. So why do I still feel outside of awesome looking in? What am I doing with my life? " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"we've never been happier. can't imagine bringing e down right now. " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Oh, Marshall, you only think you're happy. Just wait, because tonight, ( " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Huh? I don't know what that is. " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Barney's Favorite Things! I'm gonna give you all a bunch of free stuff... like Oprah. Just get excited, okay? " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Velour track suits! " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Velour is so comfortable. They're so soft. " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Remote control helicopters! Condoms! And last but not least... There is a fleet of limos outside waiting to take us to... A strip club! ( " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"No. No! I cannot go back to that strip club. I seen some things. " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"I'm not going back either. I'm taking the rest of my bonus to God's strip club. " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Sam. Uh, father. I-I don't mean father father. Unless... " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"I'm thinking about giving some money to charity. " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"No, I don't mean that charity. That charity is doing peachy. You'll see pics of the two of them in next week's e-mail. " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"I-I recently started giving, and it felt surprisingly good. I want to do more. " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Well, I would love to help by writing a check for... one, zero, zero, zero... " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,":...Zero... ( " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Diamond suited up. Hey, Ted, can you spot me for the movie? I don't like to carry a lot of cash on me. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"What happened to giving the money away? " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Yeah, that was back when Lily was pregnant. Now she's not. Ergo, a suit is born. ( " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"It's a Christmas-themed movie snack! " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Ah, I know that move. You cut a hole in the floor, she reaches into the living room, finds the tree... Nice. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Where the hell are Marshall and Lily? " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"I'm pregnant. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"What?! " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"What?! I've never seen that woman before in my life! Sorry, force of habit. Congratulations! " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"This is great. I'm happy. I'm so happy, my heart's pounding. And I'm sweating. And I can't breathe. This is what happiness feels like, right? Oh, crap. Lily's having a baby and I'm having a panic attack. I hope she can't tell what I'm thinking right now. " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"I can. And I'm freaking out, too! There's an alien growing in my stomach that's gonna explode out of my vagina! " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Do you think the others can tell we're freaking out? " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"What am I doing with my life? " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"What am I doing with my life? " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"I should get a Christmas-themed movie snack for tomorrow night. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"They're totally onto us. What do we do? " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"Just keep smiling, maybe wave. No, don't wave! That makes no sense! " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"I'm committed. I'm riding this wave straight to hell. " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"Let's leave, then the waving will make sense. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Lily, we have to relax. There's no need to panic. True, there's a lot to do, but we've got nine months to prepare. So I say that we just make a list of everything that needs to get done before the baby arrives and do everything on that list tonight! " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"Let's do it! Uh-huh, got it. Okay, that seems easy. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Nursery's painted! " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"Blue? What if it's a girl? " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Damn it! " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"Oh, God, it's 8:00! We're supposed to meet the g*ng at the bar to celebrate. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Oh, God. Okay, listen. When we meet them, we have to keep it together. Can you keep it together?! " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"No, I can't keep it together! " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"I have never seen you guys looking so at peace. To Lily and Marshall. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Well, thank you. I mean, we've never been happier. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"This is a nightmare! We've done everything wrong! " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"The iPod was on shuffle! " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"You know what, the Jerky Boys are funny. " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"The Jerky Boys aren't funny, they are awful. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"You know what, fine, if you don't think the Jerky Boys are funny, then I'm not sure that I can raise a child with you, liver lips. " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"Marshall, I don't like this. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"I know. Okay? I don't like it either. It's like I have a hot, burning ball of stress in my chest, and nothing will make it go away! " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Well, that did it. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Yeah. Huge bummer. " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"So disappointing. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Are you guys okay? " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"Huh? Yeah. Why wouldn't we be? Oh, the baby thing. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Oh, yeah, whatever. Oh, Christmas-themed movie snack. Nice. " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"Don't reach into the living room! " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Wow, I-I thought you guys would be devastated. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Oh. You know, we're actually kind of relieved. We were freaking out for about a day and a half there. " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"Yeah, this whole thing got us thinking. Maybe we're not ready for kids yet after all. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Yeah, we were thinking maybe we would just get a dog. " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Get a puppy! " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"Can you imagine... That would be the cutest thing! " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,", " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Oh. Our movie snack. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Are you kidding me?! All you ever talk about is having kids! And now you have one little freak-out and you want to get a dog instead?! No. Unacceptable! You're gonna turn around, you're gonna go home, get naked, lie together as man and wife until Lily is great with child. Right now! I'm serious! Go, go, go! " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,", " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"And you! Ooh. Barney, you look real stupid in that suit. You're gonna go get your money back and give it to charity. And I don't mean that stripper you keep e-mailing us about, even though we beg you to take us off that list. " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"I can't give this suit back. Ted, I glow in the dark. I finally glow in the dark! " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted," Criminals of New York! Attention! This man is wearing a diamond-covered suit! You could retire on the pants alone! Merry Christmas! " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,", " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"And you... You did not move to the greatest city on earth to become a coin-flipping bimbo. So here's how it's gonna workHeads, you take the job at World Wide News; Tails, you take the job at World Wide News. Ow! Hey, looks like somebody got a new gig! " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"Fine, I'll call them tomorrow. I'll call them right now. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Hello. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Yes, you can! You love her! " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"One for " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"We're idiots. " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"This kid doesn't stand a chance. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"We're ready for this. " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"We're ready for this. " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Nope. " 6x12 - False Positive,Marshall,"You sure? " 6x12 - False Positive,Lily,"Positive. " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"And there's more. Do you still do that thing where you give people in need clothes for job interviews? " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Bring 'em in, boys! Merry Christmas. " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Son?! " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Congratulations. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"You know, that was really cool what you did. When we all needed it, you got us back on the right path. " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"It's what I do. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"Hey, Ted, if I, um, if I ever get married and you're not the guy I'm marrying... " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Big mistake, but go on. " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,":...I could really use someone like you. You know, in case I freak out. When I freak out. You interested? " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Are you asking what I think you're asking? " 6x12 - False Positive,Robin,"Ted, will you be my best man? " 6x12 - False Positive,Ted,"Scherbatsky... I'm gonna crush it. " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Hi, there. We've had a lot of fun tonight, but on a more serious note, this is the time of year when we remember the importance of giving. And there's no greater gift than the gift of booty. So, this holiday season, why not bang someone in need? I'm Barney Stinson, and that's... One to grow on. " 6x12 - False Positive,Barney,"Hi, there. You know, we've had a lot of fun tonight... " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"It's just that all I've ever done is teach kindergarten. I want to get out there and change the world. I want to find my passion. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"(coming in Robin's) " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"I'm going to be a marine biologist... Slam poet... Beekeeper! Not a beekeeper. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Robin,"(on the phone) " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"What is she doing for money through all this? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Robin,"Oh, she's been waiting tables at Big Wave Luau. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Wait, you mean that hawaiian place where they wear those embarrassing outfits? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Robin,"No. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"Here she comes. Here she comes. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Welcome to big Wave Luau. Can I tiki your drink order? Aw, crap. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Robin,"I'm sorry. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"Oh, hi, Lily. We were just in the neighborhood, thought we'd get some lunch. We didn't even know you'd be here. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"What do you want? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"I don't think that's how you're supposed to greet a customer at Big Wave Luau. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Aloha, island visitors. The big wave brought you to our humble luau. For that, we thank you. Or in my native tongue, mahalo. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"I didn't catch your name. Did you guys catch her name? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"No. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"My name is Anuhea. It means cool and fragrant,much like any of our 12 specialty drinks. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Robin, nothing to add? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Robin,"No. Lily is my friend and I'm not going to make fun of her for trying to follow her dreams. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Thank you. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Robin,"Although, you might want to bring out the big hawaiian drum because I'm pretty sure today's my birthday. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"I've never need the beer more than I do right now. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"I thought you said your semester was gonna be a piece of cake. I remember because you were eating a piece of cake at the time and you said, ""dude, my semester is gonna be this."" " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"Yeah, well, it was supposed to be, but my professor's like the toughest grader I've ever seen. She had like a bad divorce this summer and now she's taking it out on us. To tell you the truth, I think she just needs to get laid. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"Really? Laid, you say? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"You wouldn't be into her.She's, like, in her late 40s. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"She hot? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"Yeah, I guess she's kind of hot, yeah. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"And she's looking for some action. Sounds to me like she could be a cougar. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Robin,"A what? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"A cougar. An older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, single and on the prowl for a younger man. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"What's a woman in her 60s or 70s? A turtle? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"Marshall, I've thought it over and I accept your challenge. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"I didn't challenge you to have sex with... " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"Tomorrow, the cougar hunt begins. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"(arriving) " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"Classic. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Robin,"Ted, didn't you tell me they need a new assistant in your office? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Yeah. Somebody did just quit. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"So, where should we eat today? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"Dude, that is cold-blooded. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"It was an honest mistake. Look, when somebody opens up a container with an entire chicken in it, it's okay to assume they made lunch for everyone. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Robin,"Ted, that girl didn't quit. You destroyed her. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"It was an whole chicken. And did I mention she had 12 sides? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"Oh, now you're gonna bash her figure. Real classy, Ted. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"So, Lily, what do you say? Do you want the job? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"What would I be doing? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Basically, you're sort of a general office assistant. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"You'll sit there. My station is right over here. And things are a little bit crazy right now 'cause we're pitching a new building to a big client. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Oh, right, is that the...? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Yeah. Here's the model. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"You weren't kidding. It really does look like a giant penis. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"I know. For whatever reason, Mr. Druthers just doesn't see it. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"How can he not see it? I mean there's the... " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"I know. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"And the way it... " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"I know. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"And the two little... " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"I know. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"It is just... " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Lily, this is Mr. Druthers, the head architect on the project. Lily's going to be our new office assistant. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Nice to meet you. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"I, uh... I am an architect. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Well, not unless he somehow passed all his licensing exams. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Absolutely. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Styrofoam trees. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Styrofoam trees. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Styrofoam trees! " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Man, that guy is a total, well... " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"Okay, wait, wait, wait. That's professor Lewis's office there. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"Okay, let's take a look. Oh, yeah, it's a cougar all right. A prime specimen. See, you can identify a cougar by a few key characteristics. Start with the hair. The cougar keeps up with current hairstyles as a form of camouflage. The prey may not realize that he's engaged a cougar until he's already being dragged, helpless, back to her lair. Now, the blouse. The cougar displays maximum cleavage possible to captivate her prey. If you're watching them bounce, she's about to pounce. See the claws? Long and sharp, to ward off rival females... Or open alimony checks. Yeah, this one's a beaut. Okay, let the hunt begin. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"Wait, wait, wait.I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with you hunting my constitutional law professor. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"Who do you rather have grading your papersa savage, man-eating jungle cat, or a purring, satisfied kitty? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"Go, Barney. Go mount and stuff that cougar. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"(stepping into the office, speaking with an Italian accent) " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"Direct. I like that. The name's Barney. What I want... is you. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"I can't believe how Mr. Druthers treats people. And that building? Talk about overcompensating. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"He's not usually this bad. It's just that the partners have made it very clear this project is make or break for us, so lately he's been a little testy. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Robin,"Did you show lily your design? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"No. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"What design? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"It's nothing. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Robin,"It's fantastic. Just for fun, Ted's been working on his own design. And it doesn't look at all like male genitalia. At least, not healthy male genitalia. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Ted, you should pitch your building to Druthers. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Are you kidding? He's Hammond Druthers. He's a legend. I'm just part of his team. This building is huge for the firm, so it's really important we don't blow it. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"Oh, my god. Incredible. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"C minus? What are you talking about? I just pulled an all-nighter! " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Mr. Druthers asked if you were making the trees or waiting for them to sprout on their own. Then he stared at me until I laughed. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Okay, I'm done. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Great. I'll put the paints away. You just go show him. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Great. Thanks. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Good one, sir. Anyway, here they are. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Too green? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"I can't un-picture it. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"What? What's gone? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Well, it's got to be around here somewhere. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Well, um, I better get back to these styrofoam trees. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Inspiring as always, sir. Lily? Where's she put those paints? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Hey. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Hey. Um, Lily, question for you. Why did I find Mr. Druthers' baseball signed three times by Pete Rose in your desk drawer? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"That's easy. I took it. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Why? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"It's simple. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Okay, I may have exaggerated that last one, but the point is, he was mean. And that's why I took away his ball. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"What does his ball have to do with anything? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Druthers has to be taught he can't behave like that. When I was teaching kindergarten,whenever a kid was mean, I would take away one of his toys. The kid would be upset at first,but then he'd learn to stop being mean. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Robin,"Hey, guys. What's going on? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Lily stole my boss' baseball signed three times by Pete Rose. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Robin,"Why? Was he being mean? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"You know about this? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Robin,"Yeah. It's her own personal form of justice. Did you tell him about that time at the Gap? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Oh, that was a good one. This sales guy was rude to Robin, so I took a pair of khakis. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Robin,"I gave them to you for your birthday. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"So I've been walking around in stolen khakis? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"I prefer to call them ""justice khakis."" " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"That's not justice. It's shoplifting,and it's a crime. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"So is being mean. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Lily, your little system doesn't even make sense. In kindergarten, the kid knew why he was being punished. Druthers just thinks someone stole his ball. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Well, that's why I left a note. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"A note? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Yeah. When he finds it, he'll understand why his ball was taken away, he'll stop being mean, and the office will be a nicer place to work. Maybe he'll even be open to hearing your ideas. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Look, Lil, we're all tolerating this prolonged nervous breakdown you're clearly having, with the punk band and the beekeeping and the petty larceny, but this is my career you're messing with. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"I'm not sure I like your tone. You know what? Now you just lost the ball. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"I'd ask you how last night went, but we had a pop quiz today. Nobody got higher than a c-minus. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"I know, I know. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"You claim to have so much sex. I only assumed you'd be good at it. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"Look, I miscalculated. I thought she'd be old and fragile, like most cougars. But kitty's got claws. Don't worry though. Tonight, I'm seeing her again. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"Just let it go, man. You're making things worse. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"I promise you, after tonight, that cougar will be my pet, and I its master. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"I think I'm falling in love with you. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"What? No.We had sex yesterday. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"When Druthers goes to get his bagel, I'll go in, grab the note, put the ball back. If something goes wrong, yell out, ""who wants espresso?"" So I'll know he's coming. Got it? Okay, now give me the ball. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"No. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"What do you mean, no? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"I mean I stand by what I did, Ted. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Come on, Lily. We're running out of time. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"""Who wants espresso?"" " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Interesting. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Wow. Looks like bye-bye, iPod. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Give him his ball back right now. People are going to get fired. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"No, they're not. It's just a tantrum, Ted. I saw this in kindergarten all the time. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"This isn't kindergarten. Mr Druthers is an adult, and he wants his ball back. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"All right, I'll give it back if you show him your plans. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"No. You'll give it back or you're fired. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"I'm sorry, Ted. I just can't do that. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Then you're fired. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Fine. Here's the ball. At least you have one now. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"Dude, you're k*ll me. You didn't tame the cougar. You just made her angrier. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"Do you not see the powerbar in my hand? I'm fueling up. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"So you're going back over there? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"Oh, yeah. And tonight, just like John Mellencamp, I am going to get rid of the ""cougar"" once and for all. Get it? 'Cause that's what he did with his name. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"I can't stop thinking about you. Please give me another chance. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"But you don't understand. See, I've been going easy on you, holding back, 'cause I was afraid you'd break a hip or something. But, this time, no mercy.I don't care how long it takes days, weeks, half a year. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Mr. Druthers, thank you again for understanding about Lily. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Lily was mentally deranged. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Lily was mentally deranged! " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Wait! We have one more idea for you. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"I have another design. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"No. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Robin,"To Ted! The youngest person to ever design a building over 70 stories... Probably! " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Congrats, ted. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Hey, thanks for telling me to stand up to Druthers and pitch my idea. Seriously, none of this would have happened if it weren't for you. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Oh. You know what, Ted? That was very nice. You have earned these screws back. Don't sit in your desk chair until you've put them back in. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"Hey, I'm project manager now, so, if you want your old job back... " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"No, thanks. I think I figured out what I want to be when I grow up. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Lily,"Casey, that's not how we treat people. You'll get this back when you learn to be nice. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Robin,"Barney! Oh, my god! " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Ted,"What happened? " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"That's not true. It's just temporarily dislocated. Seriously, I'm fine. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"Professor Lewis, hi. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"Yeah, she was. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,"B-plus?! Marshall, after I've gone through my eight weeks of physical therapy, I am going to get you that ""A""! " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Marshall,"Let her go. She belongs out there in the wild. You should feel proud. You fought the cougar and lived. " 2x06 - Aldrin Justice,Barney,It was an amazing safari. I can't wait to show you guys the slides! 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Hi. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," Hi. How are you? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," It was just dinner with her sister Stella and her boyfriend.They married before us. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," Yeah. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Marshall," Bluntly. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," It seems that the lamb is great here. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Did you need protein. I take the lamb. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," New objective: Our marriage is to kick the ass of hers.Our marriage is to take the head of his, press it down the toilet and flush 20 times. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," Ted, in high school, his marriage was you, right? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Hard to know where is the problem. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," No, Stella, it should help. Pay for dinner. Do not worry.Taking Charge. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," We get married on Sunday? It is sure to be ready for this? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," I'm leaving. And I'm also... spontaneous. I would not have done that. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," We need you to come, this is my marriage. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," I can not. I am in Tokyo. This is my first week. I can not leave like this. In addition, I am finally serious information. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," The board of the Fed voted not to change the... rates. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," This is my marriage. You gotta be there. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," OK, I'll be there. I gotta go. Good evening. And I'm Robin Scherbatsky. The talks have been arrested in the Middle East. Despite a promising start in the final negotiations, the talks foundered on security. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," It is. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," Okay, burial of bachelorhood. Tonight, I have three exotic dancers most flexible physically and mentally that you've ever seen... " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," No time. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," I'll tell you. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Do we really have to rent the cars for tomorrow. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," What? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," No ""You not married, Ted?"" No ""You're making a big mistake, Ted?"" Have you stopped the fight against marriage? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," No, I recognize a lost cause, when I see it. That's why I'm not recycle. In addition, Ted getting married, it is my interest. You know... " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," I worked on an issue of utmost importance. I admit I was baffled. Until I decided to take the bull by the horns. Then, finally, I décryptais code. ""GIVE THE MARRIAGE OF TED. "" " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," So you come back to Robin. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," Let's hope. This weekend is my best chance to start with it. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," You'll never there. Too many opportunities. The first bridesmaid drunk, you'll have your head under the dress as a photographer of yesteryear. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," Lily, kidding. I want to look cutesy and romantic, but this weekend, Robin will be the only girl that I will draw. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," It's not really the place I imagined for the wedding of Ted. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," ""The Collective Namaste Yoga and Meditation."" " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Marshall," I know about you, but I will not namaster here too long. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," Honey, will see the dirty hippie to the reservation there, we, we'll take to drink. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," You have anything like Scotch? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Marshall," Super, meals included, right? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," I need alcohol. I'm not gonna do that stuff with Robin.Look at that. Berry cocktail, conditioner meninges. I dream, these drinks could make a girl smarter. What hell Ted brought us? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Marshall," There's no meat. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," There's no alcohol. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Marshall," Even worse, I'm 90% sure that this kind in which you spoke was the lead singer of Spin Doctors. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Guys, Stella and I have a little problem. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Actually, I spoke to Robin. It is a little late, but it will be there on time. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Yes, of course. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Can I help you? Are you happy. You like him. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," But no. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," Your new husband dismounted me out three times a day. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Come on, we're friends. In addition, we already had our Thanksgiving last relapse, it is not old. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," She already has his ticket. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," It would not bother me. Tony is great. Invite him too. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Robin will soon get on the plane. In addition, it unleashed a lot of work for that. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," Driven by concerns about the environment and oil prices, sales of hybrid vehicles rose 11% over last year. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," What should I do? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Marshall," I know. I understand something is ""no ex"". Why would we want that history failed to come see one successful?It's like inviting the Seattle Mariners World Series. It's embarrassing for everyone. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," What? No. Robin must come. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," That's true, this is my best friend. Girl friend. My best friend girl. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," I do not care, why do such. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," Dude, Robin has to be there. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Marshall," It should not come. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," What are you parl... " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Aldrin Justice, the last word. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," OK, this would be weird without Robin. But not contradict the bride. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," I will not tell him to come. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Marshall," It's the right decision. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," It's gonna be the worst phone call of all time. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," Co-witness, I'll handle this. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," Hello? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," Robin, where are you? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," I'm off to the airport. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," OK, in a few hours. Have a good flight. Bad news. I can not have it. Robin is gone. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," OK, Robin arrives. You know, I'm fine. The former should be able to go to weddings. I'll tell Stella to do with. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," You should be more delicate with Stella about Robin. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," What do you mean by ""delicate""? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," The brides are very stressed before a wedding. Well, of course, I was under control. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Marshall," Do not you remember? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," The florist told me that roses are medium pink pale pink that means. Medium pink pale! All're done. Our wedding hall uses a boiler instead of a forced air heating. This is the thing that concerned me. Why are we still married? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Marshall," After a while, is that the waffle. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," Poor Stella must be the crazy one month in three days. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," What do I do? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," You wait for the next crisis, the rules you, you're a hero.After, you dealt with on about Robin, but this time she will say yes. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," And if there is no other crises? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," This is a bride. There will be another crisis. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," There is a new crisis. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," Great! What is it? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," What? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," So, first thing tomorrow I'm going to talk to him, convince him to let me take Lucy, then boom, crisis solved. Stella is happy. Robin comes to marriage. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," Yes. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," I'm here with someone. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," You'll never get there. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," We did a little karate? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," OK. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Not yet. Soon. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Actually, I've already had sex many times. Why I always corrects people? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Look, here's the thing... " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Tony, stop. It is also a great day for Lucy. You'll have to put your problems aside and think about what is best for her.Whether you like it or not, it really should be the wedding of his mother. I take Lucy with me. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Let's cuddle. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," But you're part of. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," You are now. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," Dear wife, thank you for the interest you have for Barney Stinson... " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," I regret to inform you that at this time... " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," There are currently no positions available. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," I will not do, huh? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Lily," No chance. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Let me talk to Stella first. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," What did Ted this time? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," To be fair... your ex is here. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Come on, it's not weird. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," I understand. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," You can talk to Tony? Robin made the trip from Tokyo. I should talk to him. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Sorry to have run away like that. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," It's OK. Can you imagine not traveling I did. I was on a plane, a whole day. But it was worth it to see you get married.How I would have missed it... " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," You can not come to the wedding. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," thank you God! " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," What? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," It's weird. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," It's not weird. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," It's weird. You know how it feels to be one of the former married? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," It was broken, there is more than a year. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," Yes, but it's not that long ago. See you marry another woman is not really something I look forward to. I just thought if I changed my mind about marriage and children, it was nice knowing you were there. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," So, I was your backup plan. It's flattering. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," That's not it. It's just... " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," Why do you mention that? There was nothing between us. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," Maybe so. I mean, of course it does. The kind of thing that leaves no one fell swoop. I'm not a guest over. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," It's true. We went out together, but... we have moved on.And we got what we wanted. I marry, You have the job of your dreams in Tokyo. And they lived happily... " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," I quit my job. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," You what? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," I return to New York. I thought I wanted this job, but...Getting back to my real life. And you should go back to yours. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," What does that mean? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," You married. Listen, this is precipitated. It's as if you started a book by the end. You are the most romantic. You stole a blue horn for me. You tried to make rain. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," I did the rain. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," It was a coincidence. After all this is how your romantic quest comes to an end? You hide in the wedding of another in his house in his life, without thinking twice. This is not the end spectacular than you deserve. It's not Ted Mosby. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Ted," I love Stella. This is good. If you feel it all... I think it is good that you come to the marriage. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," Yes. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," You stop it. My God, so, stop. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," I spend a very bad day. I've stolen scotch at the duty free. It tells you? " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," Let's go to your room. Far from it. And can be the whistle. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," I have no room. In fact, I thought I could stay with you. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," No problem. I just need to tidy up a little. Of clothes on the floor and... " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," And a girl naked, tied to your bed. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," The towels in the bathroom, a real mess. So, give me 10 minutes... to restore order... " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Robin," In addition, Barney. " 4x05 - Shelter Island,Barney," The girl on reception. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Her favorite CD in the Otis Redding box set? Disc three. My favorite? Any guesses? Anyone? Come on. Disc three! God, Victoria's so amazing! I could talk about her for hours. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"What do you mean ""could""? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"I'm sorry, it's just... God, I... I'm crazy about this girl. It feels like maybe... I don't want to say it. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Trust that impulse, Ted. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"Hey. Something kind of cool just happened. My story on Pickles, the Singing Dog, just got nominated for a Local Area Media Award. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"A... LAME-A? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"We prefer Local Area Media Award. Um... there's going to be this big banquet. I know these things aren't much fun, but it would really mean a lot to me if you guys came. And there's an open bar. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Yeah, put me down for two. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"Really? It's three months away. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"I know, but... guys, I'm sorry, I'm going to say it. I have a feeling Victoria's going to be around for a long time. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"I'm going to miss Victoria. I should just skip this thing entirely. Robin's still pissed at me after... you know. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"You lied and said you were broken up with Victoria before you actually were so you could try to nail Robin and you wound up losing both girls in one night? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Yes, that's what I meant by ""you know."" I haven't seen her in three weeks. She won't return my calls. Look, I shouldn't go. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"You should definitely go. Look, it's a chance to show her you're still friends and that you support her. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Or it's a chance to mess with her head by showing up with someone hotter. Even better, triple thr*at-- hotter and bigger boobs. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"That's only two. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Count again. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Barney, I'm not bringing a date. Even if I wanted to, the thing's in two hours. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"So get an escort. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"By ""escort,"" you mean prostitute? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Why not? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Because... gross? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Oh, gross. What, you have some puritanical hang-up about prostitution? Dude, it's the world's oldest profession. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"You really think that's true? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Oh, yeah. I bet even Cro-Magnons used to give cave hookers, like, an extra fish for putting out. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Aha, so then the oldest profession would be fishermen. Kaboom! You've been lawyered. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Come on, Ted, let's get you a hooker. It'll be fun. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Okay, to bring to the banquet and hang out with ironically or to actually have sex with? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Yes. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"No! It's illegal. And did I mention gross? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"That's adorable. Ted, you're such a hayseed. The companionship business is the growth industry of the 21st century. You do realize that one out of every eight adult women in America is a prostitute. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"You just made that up. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Withdrawn. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Lawyered. The point is, how long has it been? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"57 days. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Is that your water? May I? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Yeah, go ahead. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Much obliged. 57 days?! Ted, you are in a slump. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"No, it's not a slump. It's an intentional hiatus from girls. A slump is when you strike out every time you step up to the plate. But I'm off the roster, baby. I'm in the locker room sitting in the whirlpool. And I'll tell you something, it feels pretty good. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Yeah, you know what else is in that locker room? A naked dudes hanging brain. Ted, you need a lady. And I've got the next best thing-- Mary. She lives in my building. She's smart, she's hot, she's totally cool. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Oh, she sounds great. And who knows? Maybe we'll wind up getting married someday. You know, if we can get a blessing from her pimp. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"You want to judge a fellow human being based solely on one external characteristic? That's racism. And I do not drink with r*cist. Good day. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"You're just waiting for me to speak, so you can... " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"I said good day! " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"So should I wear my hair up or down? Lily. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"What? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"You okay? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"Oh, yeah, sorry. I'm just exhausted from work. The stupid school board took away nap time in all kindergarten classes and now the kids are just going crazy by the end of the day. It's much harder to deal with because, well, I don't get my nap. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"Wait, you were taking naps when the kids were? Is that safe? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"Well, they're only five. What are they gonna do to me? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"Ted's still coming to this thing, right? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"Yep. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"Do you think, um... hypothetically... it would be weird if I bring a date? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"Look at you, Scherbotsky, blatantly trying to make Ted jealous. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"No, it's just this guy at the station. I never get involved with co-workers, but he asked me and I said yes. Is it going to be weird? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"No, it's not going to be weird at all. ( " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,") Robin's bringing a date. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Boy. That's going to be really weird. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"I know. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Robin's bringing a date. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Oh. Okay. That's not weird. She's bringing a date. I'm glad she's moving on. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Dude, it's going to be weird. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"No, it's fine. Look, in spite of whatever happened between us, Robin and I are still friends. I don't think it'll be weird. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Yeah, it won't be weird. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Thank you. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Because you're going to bring your own date. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Hi, Mary. Have you met Ted? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Hi, Mary. Wow. It's, uh, nice to meet you, too. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Uh, yeah, will you just excuse us for one minute? Barney. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"See you in two shakes, Mare. You two make yourselves comfortable. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"What the hell? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Dude, your narrow-minded views on professional fornicators were harshing my mellow. So I got you a date for the evening. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"You got me a hooker. A really hot hook-- A hooker! " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Think about it, this is perfect. Ait will make Robin insanely jealous... Byou get to have sex with her... and Cmaybe by getting to know Mary, you'll come to see that courtesans are people, too. And D""B"" all night long. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"I'm not taking a prostitute to Robin's banquet. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"The only people who will know are you, me and Marshall. No one will suspect a thing. They'll just see you with this unbelievably smoking hot girl and... Okay, that's a little bit suspicious. Look, I'm just trying to expand your horizons a little bit tonight. But if you're not interested, fine, I'm out 500 bucks. Whatever. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"500 bucks? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Ted, you're my cabron. You think I'm gonna stick you with some toothless tr*nny from the Port Authority? Look at how hot she is. Robin would be so jealous. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"I'm not trying to make Robin jealous, Barney. Look, I... tell Mary, thanks, but no thanks. I have a soul. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Check out Robin's date. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"I know. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Is that who I think it is? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Yep. It's Sandy Rivers. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Sandy time. Sandy time! " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Which Sandy do we want today? French Sandy, p*rn star Sandy...? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Yosemite Sandy, definitely. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Excellent choice. I love this guy. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"I hate this guy. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"Hey. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"I'm Lily. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Mary is a friend of Barney's. Barney invited her. Just met Mary ourselves. Don't know too much about Mary. Look, a beer. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Hey. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"Hi. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"You look nice. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"Oh, um, Ted, this is Sandy. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Hi, Sandy. Rivers. So are you two, uh... " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Oh, how rude of me. Uh, Robin, Sandy... Rivers... this is Mary, my date. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Man, Vampire Lou just looks great. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"I can't believe I'm on a date with a hooker. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Yeah, I can't believe you let her and Lily go to the ladies' room together, man. Secrets come out in there. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Oh, please. How's it's going to come out? ""Uh, pass me a towel. P.S., I have sex for money."" " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"Who has sex for money? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Nobody. What did you guys talk about in there? Anything interesting? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"No, not really. We just chitchatted and I borrowed her lipstick. Why is Vampire Lou the host of a Saturday Afternoon Kung Fu Movie? You know, it just makes no sense. God, that pisses me off. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Lily, you okay? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"Oh, yeah, I'm just tired. And when I get tired, I get cranky. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"""Really? I couldn't imagine you cranky."" " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"Well, I teach kindergarten and the school board took away my nap time, the kids' nap time. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Lily, quit your job. Work at a private school. You won't have to deal with the school board, and you'll make a ton more money. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"Well, guess what, Barney? I don't base all my life decisions on how much money I'm going to make, unlike you and, sadly, my fiance. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Well, it's just an internship, for the record. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"Yeah, because if I did sacrifice all my values just for an easy buck, what would that make me? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"Exactly. Thank you, Mary. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"So, Mary, what do you do for a living? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"She's a paralegal. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"Oh, so, Mary the paralegal. What does a paralegal do exactly? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"Oh, what firm? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"That's a real law firm. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Nice. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"You're pretty good on your feet. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Is that allowed? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"You know, I wouldn't normally say this on a first date, but... well, considering... I'm just going to say it. You are so hot! " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"You're welcome. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"Mary, Ted is a great guy. You hold on to him. Don't let him out of your sight for a minute. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"So, Sandy, what do you do? Oh, wait, I know what you do. You're the guy who reads the paper in the morning. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Oh, same thing as you-- I read the paper every morning. But then after that, I finish my coffee and I go to my real job as an architect where I make an actual contribution to the world. I'm just kidding. Love your show. You're terrific. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"You just insulted someone I hate by referencing something I love. Damn, you just got even hotter. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Hey. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"Hey. Mary seems nice. Have you kissed her yet, or are you waiting until you're in a serious relationship with someone else? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"I, uh... I wanted to apologize for everything that happened. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"And just like that, it's all okay. Roll credits. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"So you're going to be mad at me forever? What, we're not even friends now? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"We're still friends. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Are we? You don't return my calls, we never hang out and now you're trying to make my jealous by waving Edward R. Moron in my face? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"Oh, and Paralegally Blonde isn't here in her low-cut dress to make me jealous? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Oh, so now she's a whore? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"What? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"You know something? Mary the paralegal is awesome. And you know what else? I didn't come here tonight to make you jealous, I came here to support you as a friend. And frankly, I'm sick of trying. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Hey. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Oh, I was, uh, just telling my friend that I think you're awesome. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Oh, yeah, my friend did the remodel. You should see the rooms. The views are amazing. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Room 1506. My treat. You kids go nuts. Actually, don't use the mini-bar. Do it. Come on, Ted, do it. This is one of those things you have to do before you turn 30. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Sleep with a prostitute? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"No, lose your virginity. What up. Statistic-- men who have had at least one relationship with a prostitute are 75% more likely to have success in future relationships. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"You just made that up. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Withdrawn. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Lawyered. Okay, three things. First of all, Robin's category's almost up. And second of all, you cannot do this. It's wrong on every level. And third, I've been placing small items in Sandy's hair all night. He still hasn't noticed. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"I know I can't do this. I'm not doing this. It's just... it's a shame. She's really cool. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Yeah, well... there we go. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"Thanks. Oh, wow. This is really a surprise. Um, you know it's nice to be able to share this award with my friends. They're all here tonight. Marshall, Lily, Sandy Rivers... Barney... And that's it. Those are all my friends. Thank you. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Congratulations. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"Oh, thanks. Um, Sandy, do you want to get a cab? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Yeah, this party's dead. Mary, you want to go upstairs? We, uh, got a room. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Dude, what are you doing? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"What's it look like? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"It looks bad, is what it looks like. You cannot do this. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Marshall, she is a really cool girl when you get to know her. Besides, I'm trying to make Robin jealous. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Oh, that's real mature. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"Marshall, what is up with you and Ted? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Nothing, baby. Don't worry about it. Fine. Do what you want. Hey. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Yeah. Thanks. Well... Good night. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"Good night. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"So, did you and Barney ever...? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Oh, thank God. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Wow, so they're...? Robin, where's Sandy Rivers? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"I put him in a cab. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"So you and he aren't...? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"I don't date people I work with. I was just trying to make Ted jealous. Is he...? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"He's off trying to make you jealous. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"Oh, well, good for them. And, you know, if Ted likes her, she's probably pretty cool. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Lily, I know you're asleep, but I have to tell someone this, and we tell each other everything. So, here it goes. Mary's not a paralegal. She's a prostitute. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,", waking upMary's a prostitute? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"What?! " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Barney paid for her. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"Is that true? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"We were having a conversation about prostitution, and then Barney calls her up and then she shows up at the bar and now she and Ted are upstairs. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Robin,"Okay, seriously, what is going on with Ted lately? Is he having a nervous breakdown? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"You know, Barney, for anyone else, this would be a new low, but sadly, for you, it's just a new middle. Oh, my God, I used her lipstick! Ah! " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"That's her napkin. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Lily,"No! " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Okay, well, I guess now is as good a time as any. In keeping with tonight's award show motif, I'd like to announce this evening's big twist ending! Vampire Lou, would you do the honors? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"What? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"That's all, Vampire Lou. Nicely done. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"So she's not...? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"No. Mary's just a paralegal who lives in my building. Oh-- ha-ha! And here's the best part-- she has no idea that Ted thinks she's a hooker. Oh, come on. If you don't laugh, it just seems mean. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"I feel kind of like Richard Gere. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"No. You know, Mary, I've never done this before. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"You know, been... on a ""date."" " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"No. Why, is that so odd? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"God, you were just a kid. Well, look, let's just have a few drinks. We'll relax and... " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Must be tough. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Okay, look, Mary, I like you a lot. I'm sort of amazed at how much I like you, but I can't do this. You're a hooker. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Look, maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I'm sorry, that's a deal-breaker for me. I'm not going to have sex with a prostitute. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Come on, Mary, there's no one else around. You're a hooker. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"No, you're a hooker. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"You're a paralegal. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"That was not funny. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Not funny, dude. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"I know, it was hilarious. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Why would you do that? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"I did it to prove a point. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"What point? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Stay with me. It's going to come to me. No. Ah, okay, here's the point. You thought that Mary was a sure thing, right? So what happened? She took you up to a hotel room on the first date. All you have to do is be that confident with every girl you meet and your slump is over. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"So the message is, I should treat every woman like a whore? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Come on, dude, you should be thanking me. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"She slapped me and stormed off. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Can you blame her? You called her a hooker. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"I'm sorry, dude, it was funny. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Yeah. Well, it's getting late. I should get back to my room. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Barney,"Your room? " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Ted,"Yeah, that really expensive hotel room you put on your credit card-- never checked out. By the way, you know what's super fun? Pouring Dom Perignon down a bathtub drain. Well, it's almost 3:00. Got a massage. Toodles. " 1x19 - Mary the Paralegal,Marshall,"Come on, if you don't laugh, it just seems mean. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," It's beautiful. She is 10 pounds. It is organic. Do you remember my uncle Heinrek bald? Looks like his head squarely. Oh, my God! My my turkey... turkey! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," We brought the turkey. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," You have brought back an old turkey replacement.Why I have not listened to the message of former mayor Ed Koch saying not to forget my business. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," With Robin we went to the objects found in the prefecture and there, sitting in their fridge... Is this your turkey? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," Yes! It's my turkey! Come here, my beautiful little enfoirée! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," I'll go put it in the oven. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," You're the best friends in the world! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," It was a team effort. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," I do not know what to say. It's Thanksgiving, but ""thank you"" does not seem enough. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," You have done the same for us. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," Yes, and you know why? Because I love you. And I'll show you how. Ted Mosby and Robin Scherbatsky, I bring you... the fourth slap. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," Wait. What? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," You're saying... " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," What you think you say? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," Certainly not. Unless you were thinking... ""Baffegiving two: Revenge of the lower"" in this case, yes, that's what I'm saying! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," The slaps are not transferable. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," Lily is the curator of the bet. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," The slaps are transferable. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted,"Robin and Transferable. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," You realize that you will remain one. Are you sure you want to spend a day. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," Life is short. I tell myself, Baffe Diem. A rule, the slap must be given before sunset to avoid interference dinner Lily. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," And how! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," Two, you must decide which of you will. Three, we will attach to the chair Barney, now be called The Throne of Baffe. It fits you? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," Awesome. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," Absolutely not! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," We expect someone else? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," Dad? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," Rita, you are anxious... to move to Florida? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," What has happened with your apartment? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," What has happened? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," You should pay rent to live in the basement of your parents. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," They surprised you with a girl? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," Working? You are retired. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," You not only prevented them from moving to Florida but you obliged to rework grandfather? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," What is he doing here? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," I do not know but we should bring him in and discover. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," I want to see him! Returns it! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," Stay there, okay? We will solve the problem. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," I hope Lily is well. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," Me too. She speaks little, but that thing with his father gave him much trouble. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," Tell me which of you is going to slap me! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," What? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," I die, I, here. Ted takes a chip, I jump! Robin arranges her hair, I jump! I jump all the time. It's bad for my skin. It gives me wrinkles. Wrinkles! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," Lily, go. It's been 3 years. This is long enough. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," The equity in my life brings me nothing but stress. It's easier that he is dead to me. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," I've supported when our neighbor, Mr. Sias, died in your sight. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," This is our journal. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," And when Whitney, your maid of honor, had died in your sight. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," You're worth it! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," Thank you, girls. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," I even understood when Mr. Park to the grocery store downstairs was dead in your eyes. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," A coffee, please. But only if it is decaf. I want to sleep tonight. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," I'm sorry. Are you sure mine is decaf? You used the same coffee. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," OK ... You dirty bastard! It was not decaf! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," I've supported with these unknowns, but it's your father, okay? We can at least give him some turkey? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," No. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," Go. Please, I can not ask him to leave at Thanksgiving. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," You did not ask. Tell him it's just important that it is here. In less than two, it will be a games convention in Toledo, to give money to your dental apparatus in a so-called Milton Bradley. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," He was trying to earn money to feed his family. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," No, that's what mom was doing with his two jobs. This man broke my heart every day for 20 years. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," So we can give pieces of chicken not cooked. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," Seriously Robin, you should have the slap. You're a big baffeuse. In fact, I want to study the slaps in your tutoring. I wanna be your apprentice-slap. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," Do not underestimate. You're a rock star of slaps. Your name should be Eric Baffe-PTON. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," This is t*rture. Put me in the chair... " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," The Throne of Baffe. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," And finish it! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," It's all yours. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," No. To you, I insist. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," Okay, I will. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," Great. Wait, what? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," I say I'll slap. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," What, so it's... the end of the discussion? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," You said I could slap. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," I was polite. If someone will slap, it will be me. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," No, not at all. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," This is interesting. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," It's your family. And I'm sorry but we do not separate the family. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," It's easy for you to say that, you come to the family the most ridiculously close to the world. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," It is not ridiculously close. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," Really? And the Eriksen family dinner every Sunday? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," I'm sorry but it's weird. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," A family must be close like that. And I want our future family is. And that includes your father. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," I can not believe you take her part. Let me be clear. This man will never set foot in this house, ever! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," It will take about 5 minutes. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," It's a disease? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," We have one hour before sunset, and none of us baffera Barney. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," Let me do it. It was my idea to call the objects found in the prefecture. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," It's a good point. Rebuttal? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," I slipped a note of the type 20! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," philosophical riddle. Idea against execution. Itemize your arguments. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," I brought this large turkey so far. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," I paid the taxi. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," You've slept with one of my best friends! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," What? You said it was fine. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," Well, no! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," Why did not you say anything? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," Because I love you always! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," You really want to slap Barney the point of lying and pretending to be in love with me? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," I really want to slap! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," Your father has made mistakes in the past, but it has changed. He moved out of your grandparents. He has a job. He pays his taxes. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," Wait, how you know all this? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," Gender, body language. Okay, we had a drink last week. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," Yeah, kind, all the time. She tells this story all the time... " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," No, not a word. But that does not have to be like that.We can fix that, right? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," And right before my eyes, your father broke down in tears. Stop it! You come to Thanksgiving! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," You've invited?! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," The poor man was sobbing. What could I do? A fool and called him a girl, what I found unjustified. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," I do not believe you. What gives you the right to do that? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," You and I are married. So it is also part of my family. Enter. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," It must be half an hour. We should get Lily. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," Repeat-a. The first seven! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," Robin Shit! I knew Barney first. This is for me to slap. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," This slap is mine, Mosby. I never slap Barney... above the belt. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," I want to slap Barney since I met him! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," And I would not slap? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," One second. This slap was supposed to be a wonderful thing, a gift, and it has turned against each other. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," My God, you're right. This fruit has changed in immaculate slap-poisoned apple. You know what? Seriously, do it. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," Are you sure? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," Baffe-solument. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," We should really get Lily. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," It's decided. Barney, go. Come on the throne. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," You're gonna... " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," Yep. Go. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," I guess this is the best choice, Robin. Finally... the men are stronger than women. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," Do not listen. It's decided. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," And that's what you always wanted, is not it? A strong man to take care of you? Of course, teenager, you were a feisty, playing hockey with the boys, you skinned your knees on the ice. But what you could say to your teammates... or even to yourself... that is all you really wanted was this pretty white dress in this beautiful white chapel. And at the end of the aisle strewn with pretty white flowers, a man to take care of all your slaps. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," Leads to me! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," Robin! Pull yourself together! What just happened? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," You come here and you watch your daughter go without care. And now you destroy the Thanksgiving dinner! Lily is on it since this morning! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," You have swallowed this painting? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," This is my look ""you're dead to me."" " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," Get out of my house! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," In Mr. Park... I was not expecting to find you here. Lily, I'm sorry. Just let me express myself. I thought the family was right but it's wrong. It is a privilege, and it deserves it. I put your father out. And I promise you, baby, I do... you never force her to see him again. What? Baby, what has happened? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," Marshall, I came here because I was cold and it was the only place that was open. I would not even look at Mr. Park in the eye. And then I discovered that... Mr. Park's death. He really died for me. And if I feel so bad to have never forgiven Mr. Park, a guy who literally did not mean anything to me? We have to get my father. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," Commissioner of the bet-Baffe, tie me to the chair is a violation... " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," Less talking shop, more slaps. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," You just 2 minutes. You decided which of you will be entitled to a slap in the face to Barney? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," It's gonna be Ted. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," What? Why me? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," Last year you were abandoned at the altar. You lost your job. You did so along way. I am so proud of you, Ted. You deserve to slap someone in the face as hard as you can. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," Thank you. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," This is the worst. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," You just go through a break... and even though I know that you and Barney are remained on good terms, there is not a part of you, well hidden that wants to slap in the face? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," Yes " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," I know. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," It's downright hell. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," Okay. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," It hurts! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," I can not do it. I can not take that away from you, Ted. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Ted," I do not either. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," thank you God. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," So, I want to move. Mickey? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," No way! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Robin," I'm glad you and Lily try to fix things. You want to welcome into our family, I would like to offer you the slap. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," Gently! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," thank you God. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," You're kidding me. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," No. No, no, no, no. It is the Commissioner of the bet-Baffe. It must remain impartial! " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," The Commissioner of the bet-Baffe says it's good. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," It's not good. Please... Let me... " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," Close your eyes. It will soon be over. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," I'm running in a meadow. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Lily," I can not do it. Why I can not do it? " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," Because... the slap did exactly what I hoped. It brought us together. And it forced us to recognize the weakness and at the same time the greatness in ourselves and in others. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," Stop your bullshit. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," And so... there will not slap... of... today. " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Barney," This is the best Thanksgiving... " 5x09 - Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap,Marshall," 4! So the turkey? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," This is incredible! " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," Oh my God! I can't believe it! " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," I have big news! " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," Oh my God! " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," Okay. My thing's pretty huge. But fine, you can go first. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," Okay, I just found out... " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," I just find a p*rn starring Ted Mosby! " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," What are you... What you're talking about? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," I'm talking about welcome to the sex plane, and look who plays the navigator, Ted Mosby " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," Oh, it's the same exact spelling as my name. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," Okay, you know, cute coincidence, Barney. Whatever. I just got on the phone with the NR... " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," Oh my God. This totally explains the thing at my doctor's the other day. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," Who is this guy? And why my doctor watching p*rn? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," All right. Let's meet your new doppelganger. Or should I say doppel banger. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," Guys, guys, guys! Can I tell my news? It's pretty... " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," This is really bizarre. The only other famous Mosby I know was a confederate general during the civil w*r. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," Probably not the same guy. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," You got the job! Oh, yeah! " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," Congrats, buddy. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," Thanks. It's kind of weird hugging with p*rn on. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," Yeah, it really is. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," Oh, hey, hey-o. New guy entering the cockpit. Could it be the navigator, Ted Mosby. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," Uh, no. No, navigators have three stripes on their hats. Captains have four. That guy's a captain. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," Yeah, and I'm sure complete accuracy in all those details was very important to the directors... ""Dirt and skank, the raunch brothers"". " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," Baby, I have some exciting news. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Lily," I hope it's not that you just won some sort of race here. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," I got the job at the NRDC. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Lily," Wow. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," And I found a p*rn starring Ted Mosby. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," I know, right? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Robin," Oh, congratulations, Marshall! " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," Congratulation for us all. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Lily," Oh, let's go celebrate. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," The fact that I found a p*rn starring a guy named Ted Mosby... Let's do it! " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Robin," Oh, is that him? Cause that Ted Mosby really knows what he's doing. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," No, that's not him. What do you mean, ""that"" Ted Mosby really knows what he's doing? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Robin," Oh, no! No, I meant, that Ted Mosby, he really knows what he's doing. Like all Ted Mosbys. Wow, NRDC! Way to go, Marshall. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Lily," But you're still gonna go to your job interview today, right, baby? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," I'm not doing that interview. Those people are evil. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Lily," Marshall, your dad went through a lot of trouble to set this up. You can't just pull out at the last second. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Robin," Apparently you can. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," Ted, Ted, Ted, guy in the hat! Three stripes, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Ted Mosby, p*rn star. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Robin," I know what kind of plane this is. It's a ""boing"". " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," See, this is way better than Marshall's intership. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," It's a real job. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," Who is this guy? Are we related? Do, do I look like him? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," Hmm. It's hard to tell. Go, go like this. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," More around the eyes. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Robin," Oh, I do see that. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," Ah, ah, very funny, Wendy. Now we know you watch p*rn. This Ted Mosby must be getting kind of famous. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," Hmm. You're not wrong. According to the web site, of the far superior Ted Mosby... he's been in the business three months, and he's made 125 movies. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Robin," Wow. That's 42 movies a month. Who is he, Jude Law? Right? He makes a lot of movies. I mean, not so much lately, but maybe, like, two years ago, you couldn't go to a movie without... " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," Shh. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," Adult Video Weekly? Oh, no... " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," Hello? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," Oh my God! AVW? It's architecture vision weekly. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," Well, I don't want to say it's my project. I mean, I'll be working with at least three partners. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," Yeah. Yeah. I'm really looking forward to it. I mean, I know they're gonna ride me pretty hard but they're great guys. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," That interview went on for 20 more minutes. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Lily," ""This project was so demanding, I can't tell you how many nights I spent bent over a table."" " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Lily," Oh, hey, baby, how'd the interview go? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," Um, interesting. There I am in the office of Jefferson Coatsworth and I figure I'm not gonna take this job anyway, I might as well give this old bastard a piece of mind. Jefferson Coastworth wasn't what I expected. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," Hello. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," Right, um, okay, Jeff, I've actually given this a lot of thought... " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," Oh, he is good. Classic seduction technique. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," What do you mean? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," Oh, I use it all the time. First I buy her... and by her I mean you... a drink. Now, I'm the guy who gets her what she wants. Then I pretend to care about whatever idiotic thing she cares about. For you, that would be the enviroment. Now, I'm the great guy who shares her interests. And before you know it, you're naked in my apartment, shouting ""oh-oh Bar-r-r-ne-e-y""! And by you, I mean her. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," He is not trying to seduce me. He didn't even offer me the job. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," That comes later. At dinner. He did invite you to dinner, didn't he? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," I, you know, I don't know if... " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," The most expensive beef in the world. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," Oh my God. He's trying to seduce me. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Robin," So are you gonna go to dinner with him? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," No. No way. I promise myself to the NRDC. I'm not that kind of lawyer. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Lily," Oh, you should go. I mean, you're not gonna take the job, but you might as well get a great meal out of the deal. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," Don't wait up. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Robin," Guys, guys, guys, check this out. Ted Mosby p*rn star's bio says his hometown is your hometown. Shaker Heights, Ohio. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Ted," What? Okay, this is getting creepy. Who, who is this guy? I gotta find him. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Robin," Well, it's your lucky day. He's gonna be signing autographs tomorrow night in Manhattan at something called the Adult Video Expo. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Lily," Hmm. Wait, are you telling me that they actually have conventions for p*rn? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Barney," Affirmative. Or to put in another way... God bless America. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," You can really taste the beef in that lobster. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," Okay. Here we go. This is the big number that's supposed to impress me and... whoa, that's a BIG number. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," Hey, I'm going to, uh, try to remain cool. But you know Patrick Swayze?! " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," Okay, no. Jeff, this is all very impressive, but I just don't think that... " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," Family money? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," No, hum, not that I know of. I do have an uncle who owns a, a pretty successful bait shop. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Marshall," Actually, I want to have four kids. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Robin," Lily, you're a kindergarten teacher? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Lily," Yeah. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Robin," And you make a kindergarten teacher's salary, right? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Lily," Yeah. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Robin," Well, how do you afford all of these expensive clothes? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Lily," I shop the sales. There were in the closet when we moved in. I steal. I'm a criminal. I once sh*t a man just to watch him die. " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Robin," Lily? " 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy,Lily," Oh, okay. " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," Stop fighting! " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," It's stupid and childish. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Thank you. Can I see the menu? " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," We'll have to go elsewhere. In this bar, I will always be the guy left at the altar. It sucks! " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," Good times. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," We lost Barney. " 4x10 - The Fight,Robin," What? " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," There's a girl there in a sweater wrap. He does not listen to a word they say. Hein, Barney? " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," Leave me alone! " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," He understood, there is little time, he could hold a conversation with just the titles of sitcoms ""black"" of the 70s and 80s. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," What's going on? " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," Barney, you wanna go and get my stuff does not Marshall? " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," Diff'rent Strokes. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," You... Been to Ted? " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," It is not play ""You know Ted."" " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," What? " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," No, sir. Not at all. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," What? " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Some guys are sitting at our table. But you know, it's good. " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," Damn, there goes. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Our help? " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," What's going on? " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Sorry, you just said... " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," He wants to be fought? As with our hands and stuff? " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," And your feet maybe? I do not know the rules. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," A fight. We gotta go? " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," No, I would fight for three things, the closing of a stubborn bra, accusations of sexual harassment... 9 of 9! And wanted to vomit when I see someone wearing brown shoes with a black suit. " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," The fighting is for dummies. We are civilized people, civilized people not fight. Except with a lightsaber, but that's in for 3 or 5 years... " 4x10 - The Fight,Robin," That's not true. " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," I'm on the forums every day. In 3-5 Thanksgiving, I découperai turkey with my saber green. " 4x10 - The Fight,Robin," No, I say there are plenty of legitimate reasons to fight, it is perhaps not beautiful, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Yes, I forgot. She is sexy fights. " 4x10 - The Fight,Robin," No, it's true! I love it! I have a culture of hockey. If a guy is a fighter, it is rather sexy. And scars, seriously! If a guy has one, it has a Robin. And if he lost a tooth, I lose my panties. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," I lost my wisdom tooth. Without surgery. Local anesthesia. Frankly, it's nothing. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," We should go. " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," I can not believe that we have this discussion. Ted, you're 30, you're too old to act like that. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," There is an explanation very simp... " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Today we are going to braid friendship bracelets. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," I'm going. " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," No! " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," Listen to me, trust me, I fought hard. There is no pride to be learned. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," With which you fought? " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," My brothers. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," Yeah, it was surely the ruckus in the playroom of Eriksen. " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," That's the monster of guilis! " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," Wait! Go! Go! Cocoa break. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Break cocoa. OK, it's time to fight. " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," Ted, do not do that, you're a good guy. This is your greatest quality. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Oh yeah? I seem to remember that this guy was well dumped by his girlfriend for a Taekwondo teacher. It might sound crazy, but... I need that. I think it's an experience I do. I go there. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," Me too! Guys... watch what face. The next time you see it, it will be distorted as the sexiest possible. Because that's what I am: a real man. I like to fight and do battle in the dirt. You find me a wooden hanger for that? " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," It's been what? " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," ""We""? " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," No, you did. There was nothing we. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," He thinks he fought with him. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," We fought with him. So we will go and tell everyone the legendary story of how we beat types. And everyone will find it great and everyone goes back to bed with me. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Come on man, no one will believe we fought, we look at. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," Oh, it's good... " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," What are you doing? " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," What I should have done there is a lease. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," What? " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," I dunno, I typed the eye! I even know what I say! I have a great right, either. You ready? " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," To go home? " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," No, for that. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," You hit me in the nose! " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," Are you crying? " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Yes, I cry! You hit me in the nose! " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," It's going to swell to death. You're going to look like Owen Wilson. Come on, we go. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Ok, but we do not add too. I do not want it to catch proportions. " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," So you fought. Seriously. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," No, Barney hit us head to pretend. Without in December ', Marshall! " 4x10 - The Fight,Robin," Just look at that eye. You look like a bad boy. I did not know you had it in me. You. That you had it in you. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," You... want to touch? " 4x10 - The Fight,Robin," My God, it's hot! " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," Why should I pay? " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," You know what, Doug? I will gladly pay. And why?As adults do. They pay their glasses, and they fight it. You know what I did when you were kids? That's what I did. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," Your nails? " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," I was... " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," The quiz of love in the last Gala? " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," No. I was... " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," your best to not cry when Big came to Carrie at the end of the film Sex and the City? " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," You spoiles? No. I'll tell you what I did... " 4x10 - The Fight,Robin," Tips to captain the football team because he gave you his ring and you were so cute in your evening gown? " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," I'm sorry. " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," I hate them! They behave like guys the most virile of the universe, as Crocodile Dundee and David Hasselhoff. " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," It's the guys the most virile of the universe? " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," I know why they are given all the attention. In fact, it's me, the real hero. " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," Yeah, it's you. " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," I'm serious, woman. Put it in your pants. " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," You're the man every boy should be and every girl should marry. You know what? I have two boys under way that will not stop fighting. If you come to school tomorrow to tell them your story of choice of the path of nonviolence, it could put them right. And avoid me getting up early to prepare lessons. " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," Okay. OK. I recadrerai. " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," What? No! The panda and the koala Mahatma Luther King tell you that story to show... " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," What? I was not afraid! I did a lot of fights, OK? " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," First, I wear a sweater off, which has horizontal stripes. And I also... I ate salty... So I... You know what? Shut up! " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," Just? " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Amanda, was it that simple? You know, the fight in melee, it is more than using force against his opponent, huh B? " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," Exactly! " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," It is an art. The noble art, as it were. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," It may seem insignificant, but they got to our table. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," At our table. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," And... " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," No one. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney,"... no one sits at our table. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," Let's beat them up. Ted, come on. You two. Our table.Go. Now! " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," What are you doing? " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," Relax, it was Doug. Doug supports us. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," He's not here tonight. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," I offer you what? A drink? Money? These two girls over there? " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Yes. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," They know who you are. All right, guys. It lets you go without kick your ass. This time. Okay? " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," That's... What is it? " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," That was close. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," as*ault! They continue to attack us! " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," What is the penalty for as*ault? I'll have a fine?Picking up garbage on the highway? Because I already did that. " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," I know. " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," You could have a good time in prison. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," The Prison? " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," I can not go to jail! I could read a bunch of books, writing short stories. Drag me all the time. Seriously, if I get lost really hefty... " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," You can not go to jail! They are dying in the hallways!And meals are really heavy. " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," You should have thought before beating them. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," And if we have not done? " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," No what? " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," beaten. And if Doug had beaten them all alone and we had done nothing? " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," I knew it! You have not even given a single sh*t. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," I hit Ted and me, so... " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," Who's the wimp now? Answer: you. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," You can spin us a hand? " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," You know the old saying: ""If you can not assume, do not pretend to have done, do not laugh and refuses glasses blackjack and not defend your friend, who, coincidentally, lived full of fights with his brothers. "" " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," You gotta help us, Marshall. We're the Three Musketeers! If I let Ted I how long? " 4x10 - The Fight,Robin," Barney? I was looking for you. I have tickets for the hockey game tonight. It's stupid. Want to go? It can run late, we could go see a drink after. " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," Listen to this. You know, this fight? The guys were pretending. " 4x10 - The Fight,Robin," Oh, I forgot! Tonight, it is not possible. I can not go to hockey tonight, I have this... This... This... " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," Good news, I talked to the guys. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," What guy? " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," The ones you do not beaten. They will not go to trial.Lawyer. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," What? They dropped? " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," Yes, I just told them you were wimps. It has made us laugh. Poilade good, actually. I said that you did manicure every month. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," Weeks, Wolverine... Some are careful. " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," And you played the harp in the dance club of the pre-reform in college. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," You're at least they said we were one of the best medieval music group of the academy? " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," Sure. We were all agreed that it was a guy who had beaten and that you had nothing to do with it... " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Wait, so... they attack Doug. " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," Affirmative. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," The angry, irrational, violent Doug, who now knows, you pushed under a bus. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," We can tell you... " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," Robin, I'm afraid. " 4x10 - The Fight,Robin," Yeah, Doug sees someone? " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," You visit? You really should. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Look, you do not understand, you beat these guys all by yourself. " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," It's true. They have nothing to do with it. Look at them. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," It's Ted's fault! " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," Look at him. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Yes, look at me! " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," It would not 5 minutes in combat. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," I could hold at least 5... " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," It is as limp as spaghetti. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Yes, spaghetti with meatballs... Mate it. Look! " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," No. " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," OK, I'm hot. Let's go. " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," A fight was not a good idea, actually. And that's my story. " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," And what did you learn? " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," I learned that it is not right to fight and must never do. " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," Questions? " 4x10 - The Fight,Barney," OK, I'm hot. Let's go. What has happened? " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," Ca " 4x10 - The Fight,Ted," Damn! " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," Apparently, Uncle Marshall and his brothers did more than fight. " 4x10 - The Fight,Robin," Marshall looks like. He lost weight? " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," S *****, do not even think about. " 4x10 - The Fight,Marshall," It's so good to be home. Mom, Lily, good job. ""Good meat, good food, good Lord, to the food. ""No? OK, let's go. Put your glasses. Okay, pass me the plate. Lily, white or red meat? " 4x10 - The Fight,Lily," Red! Honey, be careful. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," Fort Lau-ger-Dale! Get it? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," Minne-Cider! Get it? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," Aspen Yards Ale! Get it? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," Actually, no! " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," I do not either. I was hoping that you find. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," I will not get it. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," What? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," Lily not want me to take a taxi to the airport just to get a taxi in the opposite direction. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," But the thing of the pack? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," It was fun when we were younger, but we exceeded it. When mature, the relationship matures with us. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," But... you are an inspiration to us all, you are so dedicated and linked. I look at you, and that's all I want in the world. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," There are two students out, and they look easy! " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Arizona... You know... I always wanted to see what looks like a license in Arizona. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," I already did that. 21 years. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," It's good. God thank you. What brings you here? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," You have a group? We will perhaps see you. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Excuse me one second. What is your problem? We will not see them play. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Why? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," If you go see them, it is not better than blondes showing their tits at a concert by Van Halen. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Yes, but these girls they sleep with Van Halen after? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," If you want to sleep with Van Halen, do it on your spare time. We're not guys who-could-come-you-see. It is the other guys, those older, who ever came and whose recognition is required. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," We are their fathers? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Exactly. This is a great meeting, I think that we can come. Another time, girls. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," If you want to see us afterwards, we can exchange our numbers. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Excuse us a minute. Have you gone crazy? We do not want their numbers. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," I know not what I was doing. I had panic there. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Qua na you exchange a number, you give him the opportunity to call to cancel. If you give a number without an appointment, they must come. Checkmate! No number, just my fingers. Truck. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," You're still their father? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Why not arrange to meet you here tomorrow night to 22h. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Whatever happens, we will be there. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," That's all ""ski"" account. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Sorry one last time. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," What is the problem here? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Well done. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Thank you. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," At tomorrow night. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," 'Definitely. Great! ""Dude, these students seem stupid. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Bluntly. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Awesome. Here's the thing: tomorrow night, dress up well, it will move! " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," We would still have had to make their numbers. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," You always imagine the worst. Ted, I promise, everything will be okay. It begins to snow. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," It's really bad outside. They will not. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," But if it will come. It has to. If I can touch one of those girls, I get a ""Bingo party student."" Come on, Ted. You're the only one here. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Sorry, a ""Bingo party student""? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Every year, Playboy publishes a list of the best student parties in the country. I take the top 25, and I do... a bingo card. All I need now that Arizona Tech, which is crazy. In a contest, it would be given automatically. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," How many people are on this festive bingo student? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Just me. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," What is the purpose then? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," The goal is to make it five in a row. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," And you got what, if you succeed? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," I have a bingo. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," Thanks for stopping by. I hacked the thermostat for 1 h before it was seen that the intercom. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," Yeah, I heard you moan from below. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," The theft of Lily's tonight, you're really not looking for it? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," As I said, when you grow up, our relationship matures with us. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," Knowing your wife, she'll still bring you back a pack. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," Marshall? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," What are you doing? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," I'm going to the airport. How could I be so stupid? Of course it takes me back a pack! " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," But this time, I'm not back pack. Because... when it matures, the relationship matures with us. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," Where is my beer? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," It was said not this time. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," A pack and a size that suits me. Come on, new Lily. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," I drink beer. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," No! It is only 21h. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," And it rocks here, yo! " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," selfish bastard! There are two cannons girls who come to us here. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," You can leave it open a little more? We monitor everything. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Serve the g*n first? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Seriously? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," There should be a bar. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Of course, we should have a bar! " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," You really should have a bar. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," It really should have a bar. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Our bar would be great. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," And dude, dude, dude, dude... The name of our bar will be... Puzzles. People will, ""Why Puzzles? ""That's the puzzle. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," That's... a great name for a bar! And also, Puzzles: no nightcap. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," No nightcap! " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Except where everyone ended up spending the best night of his life, then we put the chairs on the tables and pulled out the margarita fountain. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," There should be a bar. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," There should be a bar. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," I can jump as far. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," I'm going to recover. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," You? Great! I'm coming. Ranjit? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," That's the problem. I must be Brunivers in East Meadow in one hour. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," Thank you. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Barman. Triple Sec. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," It happens, keep tap. We will buy one. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Served. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Served. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," We will buy one. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Prem's. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," And prem's. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," It can get warm with a glass? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Prem's, prem's prem's. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," I guess you could stay open longer. As it is you and the group? Melissa, what kind of group is it? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Dude, Carl is going to k*ll us if we turn not everyone immediately. I'm serious. He promised not to mess. Okay, you score a point. The bar is open! Who wants a beer? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," I always find it silly. What happened to ""when you grow up, the relationship matures with us""? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," It's just something Lily read in ""Psychology."" It's good, she read in ""Cosmo"". Okay, I read in ""Cosmo"". Well, it was in ""Cosmo Girl"". Drive, OK? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," Why make a fuss a little ritual is abandoned. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," It's more than that, OK? This is our little rituals. You know what we did when I got home? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," I do not wanna hear about f*ck like rabbits. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," They told what they had eaten at noon. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," Two eggs, a cheese pizza and steamed vegetables. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," A little bread, chicken, celery sticks and a spoon of peanut butter. We f*ck like rabbits? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," They f*ck like rabbits. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," You know what I miss? The call for lunch. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," Baby, it's lunch and I love you. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," No, I love you even more. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," Do we get a room to pull all this out? It seemed like a good compromise, although I have to work my positions. I love you too. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," Now, when she calls, I let the answering machine.The answering machine! " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," How dare you? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," What I miss most is the kiss of midnight New Year " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," It was New Year's tradition But you know what we did this year? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," No. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," All of these little rituals, nice, cute... This is stupid. Say what we ate? They look like kids playing in the dinette. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," Maybe you think it's stupid because you've never had a relationship that lasts long enough for that. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," What? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," You know nothing of love. You're like a robot that someone would cry and say that... ""Why this human leaking?"" " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," Really? Okay... Robot mode station-you-on-the-aisle-in-waiting-for-excuse-of-the imbecile. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," My robot was... a thousand times better. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," There's no sink. And you get out of the kitchen. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Is there anything in a gin and tonic? There's what in a gin and tonic? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Hold a bar, it sucks. Is closed. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," No nightcap! Puzzles, Barney here. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Last glass. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," A snowplow arrives. We must leave. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," You think being in love, it's just to have pet names. Or let the words stupid or darken in the blizzard for no reason. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," You know what will happen? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," You know what you are? You're a snob of love. There's lots of ways to live a relationship, you would know if you left your little club ""Snob love."" " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," We'll be buried under the snow, that's what will happen. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," Nothing to be done. I will not sit here and insult me.We're not going to the airport. We go. It's been what? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," It was earlier called for the drink of Seattle. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," It is rather a hurry, so we'll take the beer. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," We're not a couple. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," No. It is a drum. I want a six pack. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," You take the barrel. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," Sorry, Ranjit, but it is a ritual, and I back this beer. If you could put it in the car. I'll give you $ 50. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," Robin, I'm sorry. You're not a robot. If you are, you are a very advanced model, and the human race has no chance. You did not choose to show your love through rituals tacky, and that's good. But maybe we did that because we have always done and we know no other way. What I know is that if there sitting alone at the airport, I have to go get her.These are the rules. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," Close your eyes. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," I know not how you thought I draguais you, but... " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," Do it. Now, go find your wife. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Okay, go. You are not obliged to return, but you can not stay. I always wanted to say that. I mean, in a bar. I say all the time with me. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," We said no last drink. We must do. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," We should do what? Carl will be there from one moment to another. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," We can do one thing. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Caring for a bar, it's boring. We should stick to what we know. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," We should start a band. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Of course! Why was not yet formed a band? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," Where is she? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," Seattle. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," What? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," His flight was canceled. He has never taken off. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," She would have called me and... " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," Baby, it's me. My flight was canceled because of a snowstorm and I will not fly until Thursday, I'm still stuck here for two days. It's lunchtime and I love you. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," I still think it's stupid. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," It not return until Thursday. It was all the way here and not return until Thursday. I feel stupid. Listen, they say nothing to Lily about everything, OK? Especially the part where thou dredges. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Robin," I've not dredged. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," That's it. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Dude, I do not believe that you've ever done this far.You'll have to go back and redo all that way again tomorrow. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," The whole thing was a sign. Let us end this ancient ritual. I will not get it. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Robin you really dredged? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," Dude, that was weird. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," The flute section does she see anyone? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," You're not really looking for it? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," Really. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," So, on New Year's kiss, calls for lunch, all... ""I ate it today,"" you're really going to drop it? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," Yes, really. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," A muffin, a pastrami sandwich, and chips. I know that lunch is over, but I love you. I love you Lily, more and more each day. Happy New Year. That means I have to bring a band at the airport now? " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Lily," Yes. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Marshall," Damn. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Ted," Puzzles. " 4x13 - Three Days of Snow,Barney," Bingo! " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," So, it seems that Marshall has to work late on Friday.You know what that means, party girls. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," Well, a teacher at my school, Jillian, a birthday. What? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," It's just that... I have never heard of this before Jillian, and suddenly, it's your best friend. You do not stop talking about her. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," Do not be jealous. We hang out together all the time. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," Yeah, but Marshall is still there. There was not much time to talk, just us two. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," This is false. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," This is where the story gets really good. So it goes... " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," Hi. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin,"... place. And then this... guy talking about this thing with the stuff of which I spoke the other day about this place.Well, anyway... it happened. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," My God. You and the guy the mayor's office did it to the UN under the office of Ambassador of Zaire? Cool. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," I wish we had time for girls. I love Marshall, but I am not free to express myself. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," Come with me and Jillian, then. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," OK, but I want to stay too late because... Do you remember... this thing last month after going there? You know who said it was going, but she gave me tips. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," You always mycoses? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," I want to take this moment. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," Which one? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," The last time you and I are just competing for the title of best friend Ted. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," Marshall is my best friend. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Exactly. Draw. But it's all about to change. Is it correct that you are an architect? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," My best friend does not, but still. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," You draw what now? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," Well, you renovate the library Nouillorc. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," That's great! " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," No, not the New York Public Library. This is the library Nouillorc, in Dakota. Their books are in two parts: fishing and not fishing. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," I think you'll love what's happened at work. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," Who's going to draw? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," That was my first question. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Who's going to draw? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," Sven? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," I hate them. Swedish architecture collective. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," No one. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," Pretentious. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," ""It is not a company. It is a collective. "" " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," I know. ""We're Swedish. It's so cool with our baguettes and our Eiffel Tower. "" " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," Sweden, this is not France. You know that? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," It's France. No matter, I told Bilson... " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Bislon, saving your... " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," No, I get up, and I told Bilson... " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Bislon, saving your... " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Music. Imagine a patriotic music. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Bilson, with all due respect... it would be terrible if a job that would suit American architects was relevant to a band of French. Where is our patriotism? Love of country? Our love of all that... " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Yes. I know a great American architect who would be perfect. Ted Mosby. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," All you have to do is come and offer your drawing, I take care of the Board, the project is yours. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," You realize what a hero I'd be if I brought this project to my box? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," It's not the best. We three, we'll work together. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," Ted will come to call. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Yes, totally. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," What is it? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," It works like this: one of us goes into the office the other and said... " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Marshall, the teleconference begins soon. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," Sorry, I gotta go. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," And then you go up on the roof... and drink beer. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," It's great. Drinking at work. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Basically, it is of ""Mad Men."" " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," Yes! There is too much ""Mad Men""! " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," I'll spank a secretary. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," That's exactly what they would do in this series. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," What series? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," And then you throw the bodies of cans at pigeons. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," I do not do that. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," I love to do that. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," I will realize your dream. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," Seriously, Barney, from what I've lived with Stella, I have this opportunity... it touches me. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," Your friend has a birthday here? She has what, 19? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," No. Believe me, it's not his style. She must not know what kind of place this is. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," Oh, my God. At school, she is so calm and normal. I thought it was not... a Woo. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," I swear, at school, Jillian is not so Woo. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," It was not like a Woo. Perhaps it is that holidays like Mardi Gras and the day of the year. Maybe this is a cyclical Woo. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," Okay, be cool with me. This is a first draft. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Ted, it's incredible. Detail. Shadows. The liveliness of the lines. This is exactly what Princess Leia would look like, topless. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," My way of saying thank you. Okay, you wanna see my designs for the building? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," No, that's fine. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," Listen to this. Lily sent me a text message. It was at this bar, The Giddy Ups with full of Woos. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," So, Jillian, it seems that when you not flash the bartenders, you are mistress of CE1. How is it? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," No thank you... drag ignorant. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Lily Aldrin, little secretive. For years, I say that our g*ng needs a Woo, and thou hast hid me in a whole herd. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," You do not need a Woo. Nobody needs it. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Attention Lily. The world badly needs the Woos. If there were not Woos, there would not Girls Gone Wild, no bachelor party girl, no pool bar in Las Vegas... all the things you hold dear would not exist. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," None of this stuff... " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Industry sh**t memories would collapse. Just like the glitter body and that of Hummer limos. The mini cowboy hats would be worn by the little cowboys. And when ""Brown Eyed Girl"" happen on a jukebox, you do not hear... that silence. And ""Brown Eyed Girl."" But who would Woo, Lily?Who would woo? Would you? You'd... Woo? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Well you'll excuse me, I have a date with Bataille and Fontaine. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," And we think this design will radiate timeless power and s*ab of the Goliath National Bank. Thank you, gentlemen. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," Hey, Barney! Give me the good news. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," You did not have. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," What? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," The Board... Sven decided to choose. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," I can not believe I had not. I thought I had hit the nail. Why did they choose Sven? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," I've done everything to change their minds. But they did not budge. I'm sorry. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," It's really bad. After the way the last few months have passed... I guess I'd need more than I thought. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," You want to go to the current GNB building and just... I dunno, just a little pee on it? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," I think I need it. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Finish Your Beer. Fill the machine. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," It's been what? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," Ted did not get the job. But this is not the biggest disappointment of the day. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," What? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," You were seen to Woo. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," Given that, do Woo? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," You who did Woo? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," I have not done Woo. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," Oh, yes. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," That's not true. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," Your nose is growing. You've become best friends with Jillian now? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," It's just... You're married, I'm still single. Whenever I'm with you, I'm usually the 3rd wheel. Sometimes it's nice to go out with other singles and doing stuff you do not. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," Like what? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," As to Woo, Lily. As to Woo. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," I can Woo. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," That's not true. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," But if. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," It's not you, that. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," Bilson? I just wanna say, I know that you chose Sven, but... Ted Mosby is extremely talented, and... he would have made a hell of a job. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," It's okay. All withdrawals at ATMs are free. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," Teleconference. Now. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," You wanna tell me something? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Good grief. I told Heather to put everything back as it was on your desk. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," Bilson told me he wanted to give the job to Ted.What has happened? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Okay. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted,"... will radiate power and s*ab of the Goliath National Bank. Thank you, gentlemen. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," So? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," It looks like we had our man. I not think there need to see... " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Oh, my God. It's me! " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," I've never known so far, but I've always wanted. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," What does this button? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," It's building the coolest of the universe. It could not be more awesome. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," What is your problem? This is the big break of Ted!You have betrayed to work in the brain of a Tyrannosaurus, which, incidentally, if you knew the dinosaurs is very, very small. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," It's not my office. The building was well Ted. That of Sven was better. And I will not let the fact that I am the best friend of Ted influence business. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," You have not chosen one of Sven because he was better. You wanted an office dinosaur. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," It's a lie! I chose it because it... He breathes fire, Marshall. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," ""Fire Marshall"". " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," I have not even paid attention. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," How could you do that to Ted after all that happened with Stella? You are an egoist. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," I never made a career choice by selfishness. I am a professional. Go. Spend a good day, drunk, and throw the bodies of the pigeons. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," No. For two reasons. A, pigeons are smarter than you think. They are resentful. And two, it's our last conference call, Mr. Stinson. There are repercussions to ride a friend. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Like what? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," Because, that. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," Someone won a trip buttocks until the first dance floor of the canyon of spanking! " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," Wooo! " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," What are you doing here? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," The same things are funny as singles. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," That's what the fireman's helmet? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," I had no cowboy hat, and it was the day of fire safety at school... My God, ***** s. This is our theme. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," Really? Who sings that? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," LL Cool J stuff always comes out? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," That's great, Sven. You are so much cooler than Marshall. He has not even mix. Who wants a foam? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," It's the call. Got it? In America, when we work late, you lie on a conference call, and here we ascend a few beers. It's great. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," You are a bunch of prostitutes. You must have STDs. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," Lily, it does not work. You should not be there. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," I get it. Because I am happily married, I'm a schmuck? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," On the contrary. Why do you think the Woo Woos have to when they win a drinking game? Or when a guy takes off his g*n t-shirt? Because that's all that life brings. These are...People really sad. And when she go out with someone who has it all, someone like you, it's disappointing. It takes them Woo. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," You say that to make me feel not like an old married. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," Look at those girls. Look at them and listen to what they mean Woo. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," Wooo! " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," The poor girls... and Ted. I want to give them a hug. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Robin," Right now I am like them. I have no job, no boyfriend, I'm confused. So... occasionally, I need to Woo, but when I need to talk about something concrete, it is to you I turn. You're my best friend. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," And you, mine. And I promise to dedicate ourselves more time. Marshall did not need to paste something from being done. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," You have tested those purple shots in test tubes? I took five. I believe that there is no alcohol in it. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Lily," Where did you get that hat? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," What hat? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," It turned Sven. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," What? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Those guys were morons. Of course, they had cool ideas... really cool ideas. In fact, I wonder if it's not too late...The fact is: you have the job. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," Really? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," The committee realized he had erred. In addition, you are precious to them and they want you to be happy. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," It's weird. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Your plans were the best and you deserve it. You should know one thing that you did not get the job early. You see, Ted... " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," It was Bilson. Bilson wanted to have a head office in the dinosaur, Barney convinced him that it was really, really stupid. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," You know... " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," Thank you, Barney. I believe it. I brought in my box the largest contract that she had. Wooo! The next is for me. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Why you helped me? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Marshall," You did the right thing. You got a well deserved boost. And then it would have disappointed Ted, and it is finally... very happy for the moment. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," You are truly the best friend Ted. And me too. Tie.Thank you, Marshall. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," I love you, man. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," Me too, buddy. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Ted," You mount the bull? " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," No, even if you pay me. I have an inner ear problem. " 4x08 - Woooo!,Barney," That's right, girls. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney,"(Shows picture of Lily and Robin, Pans in on Robin) " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Why don't we go to MacLaren's? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Let's go to MacLaren's. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," You guys talking to each other? Nobody's listening. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," What's wrong with MacLaren's? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," MacLaren's is bore, snore. Ted, tonight we're going to go out. We're going to meet some ladies. It's going to be legendary. Phone-five! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," You didn't phone-five did you? I know when you don't phone-five, Ted. Come on, we always go to MacLaren's. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Yeah, cause MacLaren's is fun... " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," MacLaren's is this much fun. What I'm offering is the chance to have this much fun. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," See, you say that. You say it's going to be this much fun. But most of the time it ends up being this much fun. This much fun is good! It's safe. It's guaranteed! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," This hand gesture thing doesn't really work on the phone, does it? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," No it doesn't. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Get in the cab. Marshall you too. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Oh, I wish I could... I think Lily and I are just goi... " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," I understand. Get in the cab. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Why can Marshall say no? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Uhh... because he's getting laid. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Consistently. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Ted, Ted, Ted. Right here. You keep going to the same bar, you're in a rut and I am a rut buster. I'm going to bust your rut . " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," It's not a rut, okay. It's a routine and I like it! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Ted, what's the first syllable in rutting Peace out, suckers. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Alright, so what's this legendary plan. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," First we got to pick someone up at the airport. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Okay, I'm outta here. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Estaban, doors! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Just this one little thing and the rest of the night is ours. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Why do you have those suitcases, and who are we picking up? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," I don't know. Maybe her? Or her. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Wait so when you said you were going to ""pick someone up at the airport"". You meant you were going to ""pick someone up at the airport"". " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Scenario. Couple of girls fly into town, looking for a fun weekend in NYC when they meet two handsome international business men just back from a lucrative trip to Japan. Sample dialogue, ""You have a wheelie bag? Wh... I have a wheelie bag!"" " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," You've gotta be kidding me. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," False. Sidebar, tuck in your shirt. You look sketchy. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," I'm sketchy? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Trust me, it's going to be legendary. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Don't say ""legendary"", okay? You're too liberal with the word legendary. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," We're building an igloo in Central Park. It's gonna be legendary. Snow suit up! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Ted, Ted, Ted. Right here! This is happening. Now you can either put your bags on the carousel now, or you can listen to me give you a really long speech convincing you to put the bags on the carousel. Your move. Ted, since the dawn of time mankind has struggled... " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," I'm so glad we finally get to hang out just the two of us! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," Yeah. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," You sure you're okay giving up your Friday night to hang with an old almost-married lady? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," Oh please, I'm so sick of the ""meet-market"" scene. Guys are like a subway. You miss one, another one comes along in five minutes. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Unless it's the end of the night, then you get on anything. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," Heyow! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Really? Sweet. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," I guess that's one drawback to being engaged. I'm sure that's why he didn't... " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Oh. Oh, hello! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," So...uh, did you just get in from Detroit? Japan. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Okay, carousel four is tapped out. Ready? Because I'm about to drop some knowledge. Cute girls are not from Buffalo. Time-out. Ten o'clock. You ready to rock this, Tedder? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Alright, um, I think we need to refine our back-story first. How did we... " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Ted, you klutzy, great guy, you! Hey, Barney. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," I... I'm so sorry. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," So, hi... I'm Ted. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Oh, where're you headed? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Philly? That's where we're headed! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Yes, you will. Follow them, tickets on me. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," No, Barney. Don't you get on that escalator! And don't you dare get on that subsequent escalator! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Studyin' law. Making a responsible choice for my future... on a Friday Night. Bein' a lawyer had better be awesome. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," What's up, Ted? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Are you alright? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Yeah. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Hey, guess where I am? I'm on a... ready? Plane to... ready?...Philadelphia. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," That is awesome. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Hey, is that Marshall? Marshall, stop whatever you're doing, get in that hoopty-ass Vierro of yours and come meet us in Philly. It's going to be legendary. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Man, I wish I could, guys, but... " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Yeah, yeah, yeah... I sent you some pictures on my phone, check it. Philly! Admit it, you're having fun. This much fun. Thirty-five thousand feet of fun! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Well I didn't think we'd be on a flying to Philadelphia when I woke up this morning, I'll give you that. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Let's go talk to those girls. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Whoa, whoa, whoa, the seatbelt light is on. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Ted, you've been living your whole life in a seatbelt. It's time to unclick. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Yeah, sorry, sorry. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," So I grew up in Park Slope. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," Oh, I love Park Slope. When did you move to Manhattan? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," Uh, no she is. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," Yeah, I'm a ghost! Died fifteen years ago, like that pickup line. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Heyow. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," God, I'm so sorry. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Oh, believe me I've been there. I have this line that I use when guys come Check it out. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," You take this one, I'll save it for the next one. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," So what brings you guys to Philly? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," So great. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Both? Both of their boyfriends are linebackers. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," You're going to Philly? Why... " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," I...I didn't ask. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Well it sounds like you're having a lot more fun than I am. I'm just talking to guys' backs while they hit on Robin. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Ouff, yeah... I bet she gets that a lot. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Don't you bet I get that a lot? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Not with a ring on your finger. I mean, you know, guys see the ring and it's like Cha-Chung! Marshall parking only. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Oh, of course, that's it the ring! I guess I'm not used to it yet. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Oh, it's totally the ring. If you took that ring off your finger, you'd have a ton o' guys crowding around your junk. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," I'm not going to take off my ring! Wouldn't you be jealous of guys swarming all over my beeswax? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Bye. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Robin! Robin. Hey, I'm over here. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," G-g-g-going to Philly! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Marshall, don't come to Philly. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," But we're on an adventure! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," We're on a Tarmac in Philadelphia, crazy adventure. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Fine! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," No! No! The night is just started. Look, airport bar. Flight attendants! They'll get your tray table at its full upright position. Say what? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Barney, I am going to k*ll you. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Don't say you're going to k*ll someone in front of airport security, not cool. Not cool. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," This is an outrage. We are international businessmen on an international business trip. I demand you release us immediately. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," You demand!? No, no, no, no, no... he does not demand. We... we... we have no demands! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Okay, yeah. I'm calm... I'm totally calm. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Those bags were your responsibility. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," They were your bags. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Look, this is all just... it's a misunderstanding. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Please. We are international businessmen. My colleague accidentally left the bags there now please let us go before we miss our international business meeting. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Believe it or not, that duff bag thing worked. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Truth is, my friend... he does this thing where he goes to airports with fake luggage to pick up girls and we followed some here to Philadelphia. That's it! That's all this is! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Yes, he's that lame. Tell them you're that lame! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," We are international businessmen... " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," OH COME ON! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Dude, seriously, relax. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," We at least get to call our lawyer. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Exactly! We have a lawyer? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Listen to me, you're both American citizens. Don't let them pull any patriot-act voodoo. You both retain the right to refuse to answer any questions without an attorney present so don't say anything until I get there, alright? Okay, goodbye To Philly! The adventure continues! Destroy! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," It's ridiculous in here, why don't we go somewhere else? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," No, this place is great " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," What are you doing? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," What? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," With your lips and everything...? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," My lips are always like this " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," You had to play the race card. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Relax, Ted. We didn't do anything wrong. And, B.T.W, we'd be out of here by now if you'd have tucked in your shirt. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Don't come to Philly. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Man, I'm almost half way there! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Yeah, we just got released and we're heading back on the next flight. Meet us at MacLaren's maybe we can still make last call. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Can't we just... just... " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," No, we can't just... we're going home! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," We're going to Sascha's? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Who the hell is Sascha? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Sascha. She's having friends over for drinks at her house. It's goanna be legen... wait for it...and I hope you're not lactose intolerant 'cuz the second half of that word is... dairy. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," No. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Legendary! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Legendary, that sounds awesome! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," No, Marshall, we're going back. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Fine. Hold on I have another call. Hello. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Marshall, we're going to Sascha's! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," No, we're not. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Ted, Ted, Ted. Yes, we are. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Sorry, Buddy, two against one. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," Ooh, look a booth opened up. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Really. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," Yeah, I thought we could finally go talk, and you're not listening to me, so I'm going to walk away. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Yeah, yeah...booth " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Hey. I'm engaged, sorry. I took my ring off! It's very, very sweet of you to come over and talk to me, but I... just... " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Oh, damn it! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," So, uh... you're Sascha's friends, huh? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Philly! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Philly! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," Lily's phone. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Robin! Uh... Where's Lily " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily,"Robin(On Phone) She's uh... " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," She's uh... " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Is she talking to some hot guy? Oh, you can tell me. It's totally cool. It was my idea! Hell, I told her she could take the ring off. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," Really? Well I thought it was kinda weird, but if you're cool with it. Yeah. It's off and she's talking to some guy. Do you want me to go over and... " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," No! Don't interrupt it's awesome. So the rings really off, huh? It's awesome... Well just tell her I called and... tell her that... she's awesome. Really, really awesome. Our relationship is built on mutual trust. I can't breathe! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Did you hear that, Ted? Dana works security at the Liberty Bell. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Wow it must be really well cornered off over there. You ever go behind the rope and touch it? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Ever, like, stick your head inside it? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," D'you ever lick it? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Hmm... I bet nobody in history has ever licked the Liberty Bell! If someone were to pull that off I dare say it would be... what's the word? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Well, this is my stop. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Legendary, Ted, LEGENDARY! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Barney, I'm going to the airport. Sascha, thank you... and uh... tell your grandpa I'm sorry I walked in on him in the bathroom. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," Lily, I thought tonight was about us hanging out, what are you doing? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Just fending up the advances of that totally hot guy. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," Dude, I think that guy is gay. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Oh, I know that guy is gay. Just Marshall and I have been together for nine years. I haven't been single since high school. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," You wanna be single? You wanna fight off loser guys all night, does that seem like fun to you? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," I guess I wanted to throw this net back into the ocean and see how many fish I could catch. So far, one. One gay dolphin. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," And Marshall. Lily, all these girls here tonight are looking to catch what you've already got. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," You're right I know. Hey do you wanna get some coffee and have an actual conversation? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Robin," If, by ""Coffee"" you mean ""Cheesecake"", then yes. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Oh, thank you so much. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Marshall, no. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Baby, please don't ever take that ring off again. No matter how awesome I say that it is. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," BACK OFF HOMBRE. I'm not that afraid to fight you. You wanna test this guy? Be my guest! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Marshall, he's gay! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Marshall," Oh, thank god... I've never been in a fight before. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Lily," Hey! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Could have licked the Liberty Bell. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," We're going to the airport. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Bong, bong... " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Why do I hang out with you? Why? All I wanted was to have a regular beer, in a regular bar with my regular friends, in my regular city! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Ted, Ted... you're not even looking. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," No, I'm not. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Look, our forefathers died for the pursuit of happiness, okay. Not for the sit around and wait of happiness. Now if you want, you can go to the same bar, drink the same beer talk to the same people everyday, or you can lick the Liberty Bell! You can grab life by the crack and lick the crap out of it! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Thanks, Leonard. Ted, you're missing out on a valuable life lesson! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Look, I don't need you to teach me how to live, okay. I know how to live. If you want to go lick the Liberty Bell just go lick it yourself. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," No, it has to be the two of us. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Why? Why do you need me? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Because, you're my best friend, alright? You don't have to tell me I'm yours. But the way I see it, we're a team. Without you, I'm just the dynamic uno. You know what, fine. If you wanna go home... then we'll go home. " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Fine...we'll go lick the Liberty Bell! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Barney," Good, 'cuz we're here! " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," I had no idea how Barney redirected the cab without me knowing, but we got out, Dana let us in and by god we licked the Liberty Bell. And you know what it tastes like? " 1x03 - Sweet Taste of Liberty,Ted," Freedom... No actually it tasted like pennies. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," I suggest we play a little game I like to call, ""Have you Met Ted?"" " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," No, no, no-we're not playing ""Have you Met Ted!"" " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Hi! Have you met Ted? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," I think I'm in love with you. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," What? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," So you're not goanna call her? You went from, ""I think I'm in love with you"" to ""I'm not gonna call her?"" " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," I wasn't in love with her, okay? I was briefly in love with the abstract idea of getting married! That had absolutely nothing to do with Robin. Robin! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Hey! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," Look who I ran into! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Since when do you guys know each other? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Uh... since about here. Lily recognized me from the news and- Hello, Sailor! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," They just got engaged. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Well, I should get back to the station. See you guys. Nice seeing you, Ted. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Yeah, you too. Damn it. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," What? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," I'm in love with her. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," No! As your sponsor I will not let you relapse. You blew it; it's over-move on. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," I don't know! I just have this feeling. She's the future Mrs. Ted Mosby. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Lily, you squeaked? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," She said something about me didn't she? Come on, spill it, Red. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," Fine! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," So what do we think of Ted? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Ted's something else. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Huh... I'm gonna spin that as good. Lots of guys are ""something"", I'm ""something else"". " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Comes on a little strong. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," But...that's part of my charm. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," But that's part of his charm. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Oh, totally. I mean, he's sweet, he's charming, he's just looking for something a little bit more serious than I am. I mean the most I can handle right now is something casual. This just stays between us, right? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," Are you kidding? This flapper-for knocks. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," Oops... " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," She wants casual. Okay, I'll be casual. I'm gonna be a mushroom cloud of casual. You know why? Cause it's a game! I wanted to skip to the end and do the ""happily ever after"" thing but you don't get there unless you play the game. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," So're you gonna ask her out? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Yeah-No! I can't ask her out, because if I ask her out I'm asking her out. So how do I ask her out, without asking her out? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," Did you guys get high? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," I got it! I don't ask her out... I invite her to our party next Friday. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," We're having a party next Friday? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," We are now-Casual " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Yeah, cuz nothing says ""Casual"" like inviting a hundred people over just to ""Mac"" on one girl. Oh, and Lily-that's my leg. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," You waited five minutes to tell me that? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," Alright-so call her up! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," No-calling's not casual! I just gotta bump into her somewhere. If only I knew her schedule I could arrange a ""chance"" encounter. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," that's great, Ted. You'll be the most ""Casual"" stalker ever. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," Baby, no. I have a twenty-five paged paper on unconstitutional law due on Monday, I barely started, " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," Hey, I'm just sitting here. Wearing my ring... my beautiful ring. Kind of makes wearing other stuff seem wrong. Like my shirt. Kind of don't wanna wear my shirt anymore. Or... my underwear. Oh-that's right-I'm not wearing any. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," No underwear? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," Not slightly. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Guys, boundaries! There she is! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Thanks Bill, I'm reporting from the Razzle Dazzle Supermarket on 75th in Columbus " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," 75th in Columbus. Game on! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," where four year old, Leroy Ellensburg, climbed inside a grab a prize machine and gotten stuck. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," And on the pursuit of a stuffed purple giraffe. From Metro News One, I'm Robin Scherbatsky. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Thanks. Ted? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Robin, wow! What are the odds? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," What are you doing here? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Oh, you know, just-uh-Shopping for-uh-dip I love dip... I mean I don't love dip, I like dip. As a friend, you know. So-uh-hey, you-uh-reporting a news story or something? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Yeah, kid stuck in a crane machine, how sweet of you to call it news. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Wow, kid in a crane machine You just had to have that toy didn't ya? Couldn't play the game like everyone else. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Cute kid Um yeah it's f-it's so funny running into your we're having a party next Friday if-if you like swinging by! But, you know, whatever. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Oh, I'm going back home next weekend. It's too bad it's not tonight. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," It is, it's tonight. This Friday, Did I say next Friday? Yeah-sorry-cuz I've been saying ""next Friday"" all week, but yeah it's tonight. The-uh-party's tonight. But, you know, whatever. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," Hello? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," hey, am I interrupting anything? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," No, no I'm just writing my paper. Hitting the books. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Yeah, well you and Lily might wanna put some clothes on. We're throwing a party in two hours. Okay, bye " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," So, Gatsby, what are you goanna do when Robin shows up? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Okay, I got it all planned out. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," She steps through the door, and where's Ted? Not eagerly waiting by the door. Nah I'm across the room at my drafting table showing some foxy young thing all my cool architecture stuff. So Robin strolls over and I casually give her one of these, ""Hey, what's up?"" She says, ""Hey, nice place"" etcetera, etcetera. And then I say, ""Well make yourself at home,"" and I casually return to my conversation. Then, an hour later, ""Oh, you're still here?"" I say like I don't really care, but it's a nice surprise. And then very casually, ""Wanna see the roof?"" " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall,"Lily and The roof. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Get her up to the roof and the roof takes care of the rest. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," What's so special about the roof? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," Oh, the moon, the stars, the shimmering skyline. You can't not fall in love on that roof. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," We do it up there sometimes. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Solid plan, my little friend. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," We're the same height. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," But may I suggest one little modification. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," That foxy young thing you were chatting up, take her up to the roof and have sex with her! Crazy monkey-style. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," That's not the plan. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Should be the plan, I mean look at her. Ted, look at her. She's smokin'! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Yeah, but she's not Robin. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Exactly! Ted, let's wrap. Statistic, at every New York party there's always a girl who has no idea whose party she's at. She knows no one you know, and you will never see her again. Do you see-where I'm going-hu-with this? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Barney, I don't wanna say- " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Aargh! Scoping, beep, scoping, beep! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," Man you're a dork. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," beep, beep, beep, beep. Target acquired! And now it's time we play a little game I like to call ""Have You Met Ted?"" " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," No, come on not this. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Hi! Have you met Ted? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Hi. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Do you know Marshall? Lily? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Hmm, do you know anyone at this party? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Excuse me, Anyone know a Carlos? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," No. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," No. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," On a silver platter! Bon appetite! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," I don't think so. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Your loss, her gain. Excuse me, can I show you the roof? It's magical up there! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Whoa-whoa-Hey hey. I got that roof reserved! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Dude, Robin's not coming. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Hey, she's goanna show up. She'll show up. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," At least it was a great party. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," I ate like four whole cans of dip! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," You always know what to say old friend. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," It's Robin. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," Answer it! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," No, no, no. Not right away. I gotta seem casual. Hello? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," I'm so sorry I missed your party. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Who is this? Merideth? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Robin. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Oh, Robin! Hey, yeah, guess you never showed up did you? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," no I got stuck at work, but they finally got that kid out of the crane machine. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Did he get to keep the purple giraffe? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Yeah, they let him keep all the toys. He was in there a long time and little kids have smaller bladders. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," I wish your party was tonight. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," It is the party's tonight. Yeah-uh-it's a two day party. Because that's just how we roll. Uh-so if you wanna swing by its-uh-you know, Casual. See ya. So that was Robin. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," What are you doing to me, man. I got a paper to write. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," I know I'm sorry. It's terrible I'll buy more dip " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," TED! TED WAIT-GET FRENCH ONION. Can you believe this guy, I got a paper to write. Okay, fine- but it's gotta be like super quick. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," Oh! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," And no cuddling after. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," I'm the luckiest girl alive " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Oh, you were so right about the roof. The roof. The roof is on fire, Ted! Girl from last night, took her back to my place then this morning took her outside, spun her around a couple of times sent her walking-she will never find her way back and there she is. How did she get here? Did you invite her? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," I have no idea who that is. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," She said she works with Carlos, who's Carlos? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," I don't know any Carlos. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Grr. Hi, you. You're back. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," ""sweetie""? Really? Sweetie? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Whoa-Whoa rabbits! Come on, I got that roof reserved. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," Alright. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," So, it's over between me-and-works with Carlos girl. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Oh, that was fast. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Yeah, I was trying to think what's the quickest way to get rid of a girl you just met? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," I think I'm in love with you. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Thanks, bro " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Glad I could help. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," What the-no, no, no, no-come on! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," Sorry, Ted. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Great! What am I going to do when Robin shows up. She'll show up. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," Alright, we threw two parties. Everybody had fun. Everybody wanged, everybody chunged. Now the kid has got to get to work, and the kid is not to be disturbed. Repeat after me, ""I will not have sex with Marshall"". " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted,"Lily and I will not have sex with Marshall. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," It's Robin. Hello? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Hi, Ted. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Amanda? Oh, Denise-Sorry you totally sounded like Amanda " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," It's Robin. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Oh, Robin--Hi. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," I totally wanted to come; I got stuck at work again. I feel like I live there. I'm sorry I missed your party...again. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Hey, ain't no thing but a chicken wing mamacita. WHO AM I? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," I guess there's no change your two-dayer turned into a three-dayer. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," It did indeed, the party continues tonight. Yeah. Last night people were like, ""KEEP IT GOIN' BRO! PARTY TRIFECTA!"" " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Wow, okay-well I'll be there. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Great, see you tonight. So that was Robin. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Oh, this is lame. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," lame or ""Casual""? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," lame. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Or ""Casual""? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," Hey little old books. Ready for a little fifteen minute recess? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," Sorry, baby, I gotta work. I need all my blood up here. Has anybody seen an introduction to contract work institution statutes from 1865 to 1923? Anybody seen a big-ass book? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Of course. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Who? Who invited you? No one even know who you are! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Who is Carlos!? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," Okay, where the hell is my-OHH! Okay, introduction to contract work institution statutes from 1865 to 1923...is not a coaster! Ted! I'm jeopardizing my law career so that you can throw not one, not two, but three parties for some girl that you just met who's probably not gonna show up. I mean where is she, Ted, huh? Where's Robin? Hi! Hi Robin. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," so you threw all these parties for me? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," No! Oh you thought that-oh, no! I c-okay yes. You got me-I--one of the reasons I threw these parties was so that I could introduce you to uh- this guy. I figured, you know, since it didn't work out between us and now we can just laugh about it -Anyway Robin, this is. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted,"Barney and Ohhh. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," She's still talking to Carlos. I can still win this, it's not over. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," Okay, buddy, time for the ""tough-talk"". Robin seems great. But let's look at the facts, you wanna get married and right now there's a million women in New York looking for exactly you, but Robin ain't one of them. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," She's not just ""one of them"" she's the one. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Yeah well, ""the one"" is heading up to ""the roof"". " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," What are you gonna do? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Nothing. It's a game, I gotta just-keep playing it. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Hey. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Hey. Carlos, can you give us a minute? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Robin, look I didn't invite you to this party to set you up with Carlos. Or the one before that. Or the one before that. I threw these parties because I wanted to see you. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Well, here I am. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," There's something here, look, unless I'm crazy. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," you're not crazy. I-I don't know, Ted, I mean we barely know each other and you're looking at me with that look and it's like- " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Like what? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," like-let's fall in love, and get married and have kids and drive them to soccer practice. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," I'm not gonna force sports on them unless they're interested. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," It's a great look. But you're looking at the wrong girl. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," No, I'm not. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Yes, you are. I don't wanna get married right now, maybe ever and if we got together I'd feel like I'd either have to marry you or break your heart and-I just couldn't do either of those things. Just like you can't turn off the way you feel. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Click. Off. Let's make out. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," What? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," What? That was the off switch! And I turned it off. I mean sure yes, I wanna fall in love get married blah, blah, blah, but-on the other hand... you... me...the roof. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," There's no off switch. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," There is an off switch... and it's off. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," no, it's not. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," yes, it is. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," No ...it's-not. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Yes-it is No it's not. You're right, there's no off switch. God I wish there was an off switch. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," me too. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," So " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," we could be friends " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Oh " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," look, I know it sounds insincere when people say that but... we could. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," I don't know, Robin. I made such a jackass out of myself here, every time we start hanging out it'll be like, ""Oh-that's right-I'm a jackass."" " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," You're not a jackass. I'm sorry. I only moved here in April and I'm always working and-I just haven't met a lot of good people so far. But I understand. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Well-uh-maybe in a few months after it's not so fresh, we could all-uh...you know, get a beer. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," yeah. That sounds good. I'll see you, Ted. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Or, you know-now. We could all get a beer now. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," I'd like that. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," My friends are goanna love you-like you-you know, as a friend. Jackass. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Unbelievable. That is just a recipe for disaster, they work together " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," You jealous? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," Oh, please, what does Carlos have that I don't? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," a date tonight? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted,"Marshall, Lily and Ohh!! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Lily," Stop the tape, rewind-play it again. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," a date tonight? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted,"Mashall, Lily and Ohh!! " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Barney," I'm not sure I like her. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Hey, don't you have a paper to write? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," Dude, you're talking to the kid. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," I know it. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Marshall," I'm goanna knock back this beer. I'm gonna knock back one more beer. I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna write a twenty-five page paper. I'm gonna hand it in and I'm gonna get a A. My name is Rufus, and that's the Trufus. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," At least let me buy you a beer. Come on I'll buy everyone a beer. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," I'll help carry. You know something, Ted? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," What? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," You are a catch. You're gonna make some girl very happy, and I am going to help you find her. " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Well, good luck. I mean maybe New York's just too big a town, you know? There's millions of people in this city. How in all this mess is a guy supposed to find the love of his life? I mean, where do you even begin? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Robin," Hi, Have you met Ted? " 1x02 - Purple Giraffe,Ted," Hi, I'm Ted " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"My first solo batch. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"Um, are you coloring in your butt? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"I have a big interview coming up, and my suit has holes in it. I can't sew, I don't own Navy boxers, so, yeah, I'm coloring in my butt. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"So wear another one. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"I don't have another one. I'm flat broke. My only other suit options are track or birthday. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"Dude, you show up to an interview in that, even the hippie lawyers from Granola Mountain Earth Pals will hackey sack you straight out the door. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Okay, it's the National Resource Defense Council, and it's my dream job. Except it's only an internship, and I won't be getting paid. Mostly getting people coffee. But the people I'm getting coffee for... their bosses are going to save the world. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"Okay, tomorrow... oh, and I should mention this is going to rock your world-- tomorrow I'm taking you to my personal tailor. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"A tailor? Barney, I make negative $300 a week, and I need every negative penny of that for my wedding. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"Relax, my guy does everything for one third the cost. And there is no way you're getting married in that sarcastic-quotation-marks ""suit."" Tomorrow, noon, my tailor. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"No thanks, dude. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"Noon. See you then. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Hey. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Great! Well, that answers all the questions I didn't ask. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Robin! " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Oh, come on. We bust on each other. We're just at that place in our strong friendship. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Get off me. Oh, see? I did it again. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Really? That'd be great. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Hey, I thought it was going to be just us tomorrow. What's with inviting Punky Brewster? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Robin, you've got to get over this Ted and Victoria thing. You had your chance, and now he's moved on. Can't you just be happy for them? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"The best I can give you is a fake smile and dead eyes. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Sold. Victoria, what's wrong? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Wait. Germany, Europe? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"So, this is the Europe Germany? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"The one in Epcot? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Sorry. Congratulations. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Mm-hmm. And if you do, what does that mean for us? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Oh, God, no. Long-distance is a lie teenagers tell each other to get laid the summer before college. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Either you stay here, or we break up. Wow. Um, look, let's just see how things progress, and if by September, we still feel... " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Monday, September the...? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Maybe we should each take some time to think about what we want. We'll meet up tomorrow to discuss it. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Marshall " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Marshall " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Hey, baby, how's the dress place? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Everything's so fluffy and white. It's like shopping in a marshmallow. How's Barney's tailor? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Um, everything here is dark and sketchy and seems illegal. It's like shopping in Barney's mind. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Well, good luck, baby. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Bye. Hey, Barney, I'm not sure about this. A tailor in the back room of a pet store? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"Look, do you want a quality suit and a free rabbit or not? Ted, Sergei says stop moping around. You're distracting him from his process. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"You speak Ukrainian? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Guys, I'm kind of screwed here. I don't want to lose Victoria, but I can't ask her to stay just for me. And long distance definitely isn't an option. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"No. No, no, no. No way. You know who likes long distance? Girls. It's all talking and no sex. k*ll me now. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"Don't knock long-distance relationships. I really think they can work. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Really? You? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"Absolutely. I'm juggling four right now. There's Lisa in Madrid, there's Erica in Tokyo, there's Laura in Denmark, and Kelly on 34th Street. The lass thinks I'm a humble sheep shearer from k*ll. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Ted, do you remember in college when Lily did that summer art program in Paris? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Yeah. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Well, she kept talking about this cheesy French guy, Gabriel. So, I went out to visit, and there was this party. And who shows up but Gabriel. And he's got this weak-ass, thin French moustache. I'm not much of a fighter, but I knew I could take this weird little dude. So, I took him aside, and I got all creepy quiet, I got the crazy eyes going, and I said, ""You stay away from Lily, or I swear to God I'll eat that moustache right off of your ugly French face."" Yeah. Yeah, he literally ran away. I think he was crying. I never told Lily about it. To be honest, I'm not very proud of it. To be even more honest, I am. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Um, other than confirming a lot of European stereotypes about Americans, did that little story have a point? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Yeah, the point is that even though Lily is my soul mate, long distance still almost k*ll us. If you think that there's any chance that Victoria is your soul mate, you should ask her to stay. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Well, I don't know if she is. It's still so early, but yeah, she could be. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Oh, please. You barely know this girl. What's her favorite color? Is she a cat person or a dog person? Is she open to a three-way? Ted, I do more research than this before buying a cell phone. FYI, yes, I have three-way calling. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Look, she can't be a cat person. I'm a dog person, I'm attracted to other dog people. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"Are you sure? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"All right. ( " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Hey, random question. How do you feel about cats? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Good to know. Um, okay. Good-bye. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"Oh, excellent. We'll take this one. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Whoa. Hey, hey, it's my suit. Shouldn't I be the one to choose? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"Here. Play with this pin cushion. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"God. I'm going to look hot. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"Marshall, I can't let you waste a suit this nice fighting a losing battle for our planet's survival. This is a suit for winners. I am getting you an interview at my office. We need good men like you in our legal department. We get sued a lot. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"No way. The Kid does not sell out. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"Oh, come on, dude! Three months working with me, you'll make more than Lily makes in a year. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"No. I've made my decision. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"So have I. If I ask this girl to give up her dreams for me, and two weeks later, it's not working out, I'm, like, the biggest jerk of all time. It's just too much pressure on a new relationship. I'm going to tell her to go. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"I want you to stay. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Everything here is dark and sketchy and seems illegal. It's like shopping in Barney's mind. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Oh, good luck, baby. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Bye. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Nothing too huge or-or poofy. I'm not really a girlie girl. But I would like to look like a beautiful princess. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"I saw a couple up front that were nice. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Where does she get off? She doesn't know how much money I make. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Damn you Old Navy and your reasonably-priced three-packs! " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"And cake. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Speaking of which, Victoria, have you decided what to do about your doughnut fellowship? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Ugh. All talking and no sex. k*ll me now. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Well, I don't know. I'd feel a little Stepford turning down a huge opportunity to chase some guy I'd only known two months. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Yeah, in America, but German guys? Whew! I would let them bread my schnitzel any day, if you know what I mean. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Sex. Oh, excuse me, ma'am. This bastard's kicked. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Oh! " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"It's okay, guys, I hate it. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"It's bad, it's really bad. Short in front, long in the back? That is the mullet of wedding dresses. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"You know, Victoria, Marshall and I did long distance once. In college, I did an art course in Paris. I was the only American there. It was really lonely. I only had one friend, Gabrielle. She was kind of homely and strange-looking, and she was really self-conscious about this little moustache she had. Anyway, halfway through the semester, she just stopped talking to me, and I never figured out why. And then I had nobody. The only thing that got me through was knowing that my soul mate was back at home waiting for me. If Ted's your soul mate, then it may be worth it to hang onto him. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Hey, random questionhow do you feel cats? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"A cat person. Why am I not surprised? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Maybe he's going to buy you one. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Maybe he's using an adorable kitty to guilt you into staying. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Oh, I wouldn't even wait to find out. I would be on the next plane to Germany. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Aw. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Oh, God, you guys are sucky liars. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Ugly, ugly, ugly. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Are you okay? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"I'm fine. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Okay. Just kind of seemed like you're trying to hustle Victoria out of the country. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"I'm not, I'm just trying to support her. She got a super-important dessert scholarship. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Stop being sarcastic. It is a super-important dessert scholarship. Wow, that's hard to say without sounding sarcastic. Look... I know you're not Victoria's biggest fan, but she seems to make Ted happy. So think about that before you use your miles to buy her a plane ticket. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Oh, my gosh, it's perfect! Oh! This dress is totally going to get me laid on my wedding night. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"I know what you mean. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Well, I'm always putting my career ahead of my relationships, and... to be honest, there's a lot of lonely nights in that job description. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Choosing Ted over your career doesn't make you un-feminist. Maybe it just means that you guys would be happy together. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Oh, no way... you're the coolest. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Okay, I am. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Aw. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Oh, I am so beautiful! Oh, don't tell me how much it costs. Just snap my neck now, so I can die this pretty. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Wow, you look incredible. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Oh. Okay, okay, how much is it, on a scale of never to never ever? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Never ever, ever, ever, ever... times infinity. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Well, it's okay. You know, what makes a bride beautiful is that she's just happy to be getting married. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Yes, you're right. But also... you just sat down in the cake. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Okay. Come on, get up, let us see how bad it is. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"It was like this when I found it? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Credit card... s. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"I want you to stay. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"You're going? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"So that's what you decided? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"What is this, opposite day or something? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"So it is? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"I was totally going to tell you to go, but then you gave me this cupcake, and it reminded me how great you are. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Well, that's just crazy. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"But you have a job here and a life; I'd have nothing there. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"We've only been dating two months. Oh, it's not fair. It's not fair that we have to break up. I hate this. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"I guess so. I guess so. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"God, that sucks, man. I'm so sorry. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"It was just too much pressure too soon. I mean, maybe it was silly to even think... Yes, Marshall, I see your new suit, and it's awesome. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Well, thank you for acknowledging it. It was weird that you hadn't. Look, I understand that you guys had to break up eventually, but why today? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"She's leaving tomorrow. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Yeah, but she's still in town. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Yeah, she... she's still in town. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Yeah, so you spend one more amazing day together. Ted, think about it this wayif you knew that you were going to lose your leg tomorrow, would you sit on the couch and cry about it, or would you run, and jump, and do some awesome air kicks while you still could? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Awesome air kicks, huh? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"New pajama bottoms? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"You know it. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"So we can sit around and cry, or we can run, and do awesome air kicks before our leg gets chopped off. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"No, the leg is a metaphor. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Come on, we've had a good run. Why end on a fight? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Let's do all the stuff we talked about doing and never got around to. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Yeah, we'll walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Go to that French-Vietnamese place we keep passing and say we want to try? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Yeah, big day. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Lily, you have to tell him. That dress cost a fortune. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"No, I'm just gonna wait for the next time Marshall really screws up, and then, I'll just slip this in, and it won't seem so bad by comparison. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Robin,"Well, here's hoping he cheats on you. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"Yeah, but only, like, second base. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"Look at ustwo guys in suits. You feel that slight tingle? That's every girl in the bar wanting you, and every guy wanting to be you. Actually, it's mostly me, but you're getting some of the splash. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Hey, babe. Dollar beer night, so I splurged and got us each our own. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"So, have you thought more about coming to work for Barney Corp? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Oh, please... your company is not called Barney Corp. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"Yet. Oh, I almost forgot. Sergei sent me your bill. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"B... Barney, this says $4,000. I thought you said that it was one-third price. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"Yeah, must be a $12,000 suit. Oh, well, guess you'll have to come work at my company. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"You set this up! You set this whole thing up! " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"I most certainly did... " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"Well, it won't work. Even if I have to get two extra night jobs, I'll pay your precious tailor. I'm not selling my soul. Baby, I know that this will make things harder, but I will make it work, I promise. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Lily,"I destroyed an $8,000 wedding dress. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Marshall,"What time is the interview? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Barney,"9:00 a.m., and you'll need new shoes. Don't worry, I know a guy. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Yeah, I was almost too tired for all the sex. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"I'm going to miss you, too. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Even if we're not. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"Look, I know it never works for anyone, but... do you want to try long distance? " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"We can beat the odds. " 1x16 - Cupcake,Ted,"It's gonna work. We're going to make it work-- it'll work. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," It all started a week ago. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," I spent time at a local bar. Entered... a lady. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Aside from a woman who appreciates a nice tie. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," It was not my best tie. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," So, right after that, I took her home. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Fortunately, the cleaning lady comes tomorrow. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," What? Wait, what? I thought your body would become a machine fueled by desire, greed and a hunger only to satisfy my every carnal desires. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," I really think Don and I found our rhythm to work. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," The answer might surprise you. It's all rodents. " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," Nice to meet you. " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," This guy is awesome. It's funny, smart, beautiful. You have him to nab it before someone else. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," I hope you do not talk to you. " 5x17 - Of Course,Lily," It's been 4 months since you broke up with Barney. It's time to get back on the market. " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," Yeah, Barney sees girls, it could not be happier. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," I could be more unfortunate. All night, she goes back on me. I brought her back home and she runs away? When I loose a daughter, I am polite to sleep with her before. It is good manners. " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," It looks like she has read this book, Of course you're alone, look at you, poor trail. What? It was this book that helps girls find a husband. It is that of Robin. I just laminated. Okay! Barney, when you were with this girl, she subtly used the word ""sex""? " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Continuous. Continues. " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," Did she used an excuse for physical contact? " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Kashmir? This is the virgin merino hand-woven. The fibers of this costume are spaced less than 12 microns. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Well, you're lucky, because mine are the tightest. And touched, they are more gentle. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," She did it too! " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," And here's the final test. Next time, invite the following evening. The book says that it is forbidden, then surely it will give you a bogus excuse, like, ""I can not tomorrow night. I have already planned to clean my garage and I take a bubble bath.But why not next week? "" " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," You try this shit of course you're alone, look at you, poor trail. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Did you just say you got a kid! " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Completely. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Of course. Well... " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Just tell me how! " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Excuse me, someone is using this stool? " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," That is: no sex before hot date 17th. " 5x17 - Of Course,Lily," If you're not going to take her 17th hot date, you should give up. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," I will not give up, but yes. For, thanks to the book of Ted... " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," From Robin is Robin. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," I can have two shots ahead. There is a flaw in there and I will get it. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," Saturday night? " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," It invites you to come out? Say yes! Say yes! " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," Don... Listen, it's... it's really nice of you, and you're really great... " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," I just have a cold. That's why for my voice. But great for Saturday night. One can go to a restaurant grill, and you could bring a first side for my friends Marshall. I gotta go. Kisses. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," But what are you doing? " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," You have to do, okay? A great guy like Don, it's rare.And speaking of rare, first one side, do not forget. Thank you. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," I can not believe. Friends... This is it! She wrote the book! It must be named Anita. My plan was to sleep with her but it changes everything. New plan: I'll sleep with her. " 5x17 - Of Course,Lily," That girl that Barney hunting, it seems a somewhat anti-Barney. I like the way the universe has decided to collect. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," Actually, Anita Barney went to see him because I have requested. " 5x17 - Of Course,Lily," You told to go and see Anita Barney? How you know her? " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," It was my show. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," But, uh... if you had to summarize your book in less than 30 words... " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," Is not this the dream of all women? After the break, we'll talk about your new book, Of course you have not yet retirement plan, look at you, poor trail, scheduled for June We come back after the break. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," Absolutely, Mike, great idea. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," I have not really want right now. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," And then I told him everything. It came out at once. And in the end, she said... " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," That's to say? " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," Come on, it does not really work, though? " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," I never thought that I would think, but... I thought about it. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," This Pilates teacher broke all scores. Imagine Robin, but younger. And bigger breasts. Not bigger, but more shapely.And larger. I put on the StairMaster and... " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," It does. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Spoilers. Regardless, we did. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," I know it was stupid, but, see, at that time, I was still depressed over the break. I was in my phase of mourning. It means a lot of tape and long nights at the sh**ting range. " 5x17 - Of Course,Lily," I hope this was not the same nights. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," Serious, Lily. I do not remember everything. " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," You knew that Robin was in mourning? It looked good after the break. " 5x17 - Of Course,Lily," You know her. She keeps her emotions for her. But yes, I saw her crying sometimes. " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," She cried? Real tears? It means... " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," Yeah, Barney sees girls, it could not be happier. You see, this guy has been very active. Sexually. Finally, it is like that... bang... bang... bang... You see? It's like... bang... bang... " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," How could you let me do? You're my wife. You must avoid that I ridiculed in public. " 5x17 - Of Course,Lily," I know, but the song is rather catchy. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Shit. I read this entire book and I find no fault. What will I do? " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," There is another option... but you're not ready. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Tell me. " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," If you must conclude in one hot date, a date that must be crazy. I do not speak of a restaurant-cine. Or mini golf. I speak of... 17 romantic rendezvous grouped into one incredible night. I mean... a super hot date. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," A great date? It's not very catchy. And if I say a mega date? " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," If you want my help, it's a super hot date. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Okay. " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," Let me do it. I will plan everything. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," You're going to plan everything? This is cutesy and romantic? " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," Cutesy and romantic? No need to take him to Paris or Peru... " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," What are you doing? " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," They look at us. " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," How important it is for you... " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Really? You really gonna do that? " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," It looks to me like cutesy and romantic. Box strip? " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," Box strip. " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," Tonight is the big night. Where do you take D-Bag?This is a bad nickname for Don. I will look better. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," I just... I canceled. " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," How does it... Wait. " 5x17 - Of Course,Lily," A problem? " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," Robin canceled his hot date. " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," What? She was super excited there is one hour. " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," You look like the classiest and most expensive of all prostitutes. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," Thank you. " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," You're excited to go out with Don? " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," You know what? Looks good. Do not tell Marshall. " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," I will say nothing. I bet you will spend a good evening. And not, however, a great night. A great night will be spent by Barney during his date with Anita. A carriage ride, dinner at ""Tombeur panties."" They call it a super hot date. " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," Ted! How could you do that?! Robin has just released his period of mourning! " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," She seemed happy after the break. " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," You see nothing. Typical of a guy. She was obviously devastated. " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," Wait, but that would mean... " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," You sing what? " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," A song about the number of girls that Barney has typed recently. " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," I'll sing a verse. " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," Super. " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," Where is she? " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," I think it is the toilet. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," I'm fine, I'm fine. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Why did you do that? " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," Because I am angry against you. And against me. Ted and cons. And frankly, I still am against the Empire. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Why are you angry against me? " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," You were a real assh*le to Robin when she was in her period of mourning. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," The period of mourning? She has not had a period of mourning. " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," You see nothing. " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," Typical of a guy. " 5x17 - Of Course,Lily," Barney, sit down, there are two three things to tell you. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," What, she is upset? " 5x17 - Of Course,Lily," Of course she is upset. Look at you, poor trail. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," You should have seen. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," I'm going. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," We go back home... " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," I can not believe that Robin is upset. " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," And hast me you vomit in your Stormtrooper helmet. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," I did worse after the premiere of ""The Phantom Menace.""It's been like that since we broke up? " 5x17 - Of Course,Lily," Well, it was much better before you decide to go to your stupid super hot date with Anita. And now she broods, God knows where. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," I know where. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," Barney, what's up? I thought you had a super hot date. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," I know you're upset. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," What? No. I've never been happier. Anita and this seems great. I'm so glad... by the merest chance, you found yourself. It warms my f*cking heart. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," You sure you're not upset? " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," Of course I do. Do not you see how to talk continually of your conquests makes me feel like another number for you? " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," You're not another number for me. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," And now you to take Anita you barely know, this extraordinary hot date, then you do not ever offered me that. It's just that... It sucks, that's all. It sucks. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," I knew I was a bad boyfriend, but I had no idea that I was worse in the former boyfriend. I'm sorry. How can I be forgiven? " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," Nothing, Barney. You've already proven I'm not important to you. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Stop saying that, I'm serious. Ask me what you want. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," Do not sleep with Anita. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," I promise. " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," Of course you'll sleep with her. Why is this super hot date if not? " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," It will not go super hot date. It is you who will go. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," I wanted to call you. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," I'm sorry, I... I made a promise to a friend. I must say no. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," No. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," No. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," No. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," No. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," No. " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted,"Anita, And you? You're interested. " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," Yeah. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," I'm sorry. The answer is no. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," Here is my story. " 5x17 - Of Course,Barney," I hope so too. " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," This is an old story of married women. " 5x17 - Of Course,Marshall," How was this date? " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," Good enough. Pretty... pretty good. " 5x17 - Of Course,Ted," How so? " 5x17 - Of Course,Robin," Come on, guys. It was good. It was nice. We spent a pleasant evening. Let... Let him that. Even if... " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," What do you think of this tie? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," Thank you, God. Barney Stinson needs you just before her marriage, is that there must be a dead prostitute in the closet, right? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," This one is better? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," The tie is well, and you know, this is perfectly normal pinball shortly before his marriage. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," I'm not scared. It's just that I think once I'd put this tie, I could never remove it. I should wear it again and again. And of course this tie is fine now, but how I will cope when it becomes big and it annoy me? Do I made a mistake? Is what I would have been happier with the other tie? Ted, I can tell you a big secret? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," Yeah, sure. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," I do not really talk about the tie. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," Yeah, I realized that Barney. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," I wonder if this will be a disaster. And if it was the worst of all marriage? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," Impossible. It has already been the worst of all marriage. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," That of Punchy. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," Marshall has really ruined all that. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," Hi. Guys before you go that you bother to read my toast for the wedding? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," Yeah, no problem, of course. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," Ok " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," Woow. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," There are several different versions. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Ted, why you work so hard on this speech? Punchy has applied with a karaoke microphone in a bowling alley. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," Ok, I have never said that, but over the years, some of my friends from high school asked me to give speeches at their weddings, and they have not gone well. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," These marriages have become associated as the worst moment of my life. The love between Joel and Mora is magnificent. I thought I had the same thing... Until my fiancee left me at the altar last week. I was asked not to talk about that, so I will not do. I sit in front of her home at night sometimes. It changed hairstyle. After losing my job last week, I asked not to give this toast... No, no, no! The happy couple should hear. It's over. But from the ashes of your divorce statistically probable, hope can be reborn. That is why I opened my own architectural firm Mosbius Designs. Mosbius Designs went bankrupt. But the love of Alex and Jessica reminds us that... Oh, my God! " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Wow. Punchy has posted weaknesses of your life? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," Oh, not that much. Now I am a total disaster for all my old high school friends. And a lot of people in Finland are the big stuff. This is why I have to type this toast. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," Ted, you can hit you something else to this marriage.Let the big binder. The only thing you have to bring it to Cleveland. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," Here's your speech. ""In single file, girls. No big. "" " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," This is ridiculous. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," Yeah, you're right. This is Cleveland. ""In single file, girls. "" " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," I will not Punchy's wedding to brag... cover of a magazine. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Barney, he did not need your advice. You never called Nora. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," I'll call you. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Or you called? It's not that I want to know. So what? I do not care. You did? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," I did not call. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Slim, Barney. I was really, really, really for both of you.Who wants chicken wings? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Me. Or maybe we should make the hot sauce on Barney, now that's a sissy. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," I'm not a wimp. Nora wanted a professional. Not me.That's it. And yes, Robin, I want chicken wings. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Cannibal. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Ok, next tour for me. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," Oh no, no, it does that. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," I can not wait to tell everyone. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Baby, no one can tell anyone. Not before three months. I do not want you to have bad luck. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," It's a bit superstitious, do not you think? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Whenever you take a plane, you lick. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," Has it been crashed once? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Do not say a word until we know that all is well. Ok? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," Ok, so everything will be okay. Promised. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," How can you guarantee that? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily,"Marshall, lifting the shirt of Come here. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," I'm so happy. I do not know how we will keep this secret for three months. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Relax. It will be easy. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Four beer, plus a non-alcoholic. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," Stand ready, Cleveland. The last guy who has conned you so hard and then disappeared was LeBron James. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," You're going to try to make you anybody here? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," What? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," My God, Barney, tonight is a magical night between the annoying friend of Ted and that is what this-face. A little respect. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," It's not just be someone. This is a market survey. You see, my legendary success rate of 83%... " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," 17. He always reverse. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney,"... never happens by accident. Each technique used to drag a woman has been thoroughly field tested. By eliminating improper techniques in small markets like Cleveland. I know which will go to New York. For example, tonight marks the inauguration of the escaped prisoner. Do prisoners on the run are sexy? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," We'll never know unless I try tonight. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," You really feel this ring now. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Oh, no, thank you. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Let's be crazy! You're going to drink for two tonight, baby. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," I'll do it for the child. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," During the season of super bowl, but if they mean the super bowl. Go Vikings. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," Prisoners on the run are not sexy. At the same time it was a faulty concept. Next step, the patient zero. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Lily, you go getting drunk tonight. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," That's all you, baby. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," I'd to 4 glasses without eating. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," In nine months I would push a baby Eriksen with a pumpkin head out of my hoo-haa. I think Dad can handle a few cocktails and more. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," Well done. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Hakuna Matata! " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," I gotta go get some air. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," My God, have you seen this guy. I want Barney is my new boyfriend. No, thank you. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Wait a minute. It's your voice of truth. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," My what? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Whenever you try to pretend that you're kidding but in fact it is profoundly true, you are using that voice. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," I would like the Spice Girls back together. They were awesome. The worst. It was me. I farted. It is this type. birthday gift from my father. All I want from him is that he tells me he loves me. Just kidding.This pen is sufficient. It's enough. It is completely sufficient. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Oh, my God. You always have feelings for Barney. Admit it, you still have feelings for Barney. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," You're more drunk than I thought. I mean, look at this type. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," Wait, wait, wait, before you leave, please do respond to this survey to help me better to seduce you in the future.What does not work for you in this game of seduction? Does A do not you think that I hold a bailiff of the world? B or fingernails disgusts you? Sea... " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," Wait. You encourage me to cry at your own wedding? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," Take that. Shows them how much you're great. Say your ad, not ashamed, say that. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," I've told you, I'm not here to brag, ok? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," That's it. You're too polite to brag. Well, fine. Let me do it. Because the only person on Earth who loves more than Ted Mosby Marshall Eriksen Marshall Eriksen is drunk. So here we go. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Barney and I have tried and failed. It was there two years. Why would I start? It would not make sense. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," It does not make sense. It's chemistry. Listen, I always them a sixth sense for these things. And now that I'm pregnant... deep in me in my uterus, I see things more clearly. You and Barney have that kind of chemistry that is still there. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Really? That's why he tries to Lebron anything that moves? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," It does not work for you because A vampires are offside, B or pretend that I invented Facebook was a bit too? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," You're the reason why he never called Nora. You're the reason why he only tests tonight. And you're the reason why he continues to try to impress. Chemistry. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," Wow! Ted! It's really you on the cover of New York.Now, you say ""yes."" " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," Stop please. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," You know what, Clay? It's nothing. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," You know what? This is not nothing. Clay, my friend Ted has designed a building, Clay. What do you do, Clay? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," Hear, hear, Clay. No major publication does write about your small agency? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," Oh my God, look at this little baby. She's so cute. All I want is to put her little feet in my mouth. You have created something really beautiful. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," I mean, it's still huge... The building, you know? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," Hey, kid. So this little angel is already every night? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," I spent many sleepless nights... to design this building. Nothing symbolism there. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Forget it. There is no chemistry between Barney and me. It's over. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Oh really? Prove it. Go talk to him. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Why should I tell him about that? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Because in the depths of himself, even if he does not know yet, Barney wants to be with you. And if it does not happen, he deserves to know. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Well. Barney, just to make things clear... " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," I know what you gonna say. Show in Cleveland, how it goes. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Barney... I... " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," Sorry. Oh, my God, this is Nora. She finally ended up reminding me. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Wait, you said you'd never recalled. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," I lied. I called, like, five times. Wait, wait! You guys you know better than anyone how I show this stuff. Will you help me please? I would like just once to see what it feels like when you do not quite fair. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Yeah. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," Hi Nora. Thank you for reminding me. The reason I'm calling... " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," To tell you how I feel. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," To tell you how I feel. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," I know it did not work the first time... " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," I know it did not work the first time... " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin,"... and it makes no sense... " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney,"... and it makes no sense... " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin,"... but I can not help thinking that goes well together. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney,"... but I can not help thinking that goes well together. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Is there a part of you that wants to try again? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," Is there a part of you that wants to try again? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," Baby, I can not do that. I have to tell someone that we are pregnant. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Eriksen, be strong. Keep it a secret. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," There are babies everywhere. It's minefield of sweetness. Look at this little bastard. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Marshall, stop that. Remains strong. Can not you let me hold a little baby with his little cheeks... so cute... and little arms and little legs... This little bastard has dimples. We will tell everyone I'm pregnant. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," Yeah! " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," Are you okay? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," No. And you? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," Not really. Want to talk? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Not even a little bit. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," It might help you feel better. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Okay, well, we'll make a deal. You go first and then I still do not tell you what's wrong. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," Okay. All my friends from high school, are there with their wives and children. And me? My appointment is a dirty magazine. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," As in high school. Sorry, I had to. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," I've always believed in fate, you know? I will go in a magazine Bagel, I would see a pretty girl in the queue reading my favorite novel, whistling the song I had all week in my head, and I would think, ""Wow, this is perhaps the good. "" Now I think ""I just know that bitch will take the latest Bagel."" " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," You've been too focused on your work. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," No, it's more than that. I stopped believing. Not like some depressed, I cry during my speech. Not the way I had not even noticed, until tonight. It's just that every day I think I believe a little less and a little less and less. And... it sucks. What should I do about it, Scherbatsky? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," You're Ted Mosby. You do it again to believe it. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," What, in fate? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," A chemistry. If there is alchemy, you just need another thing. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," What is it? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," The timing. But the timing is a bitch. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," Hey, we always have our market 40 years? If you are still only 40 years... " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," I'm all yours. Unrelated, architects make a lot? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," Not enough. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Shit. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," Ok, promise me two things. One, believe in you again, and two, do not cry during the toast, Schmosby. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," I promise. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," We're having a baby. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin," For real? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," For real. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Robin,"Ted, Barney and Oh! Oh! " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," We are here tonight to celebrate love. The love that brings us a new life... " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," Hey! This is not a whiner. They are tears of joy. Ted is happy for his friends because it's the best guy I know. And do you know why he is happy? For the beautiful young lady is pregnant here. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Marshall," In the season's Super Bowl, but if they mean the Super Bowl. Go Vikings! " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," No marriage will be as bad as that one, huh? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," I chose the right tie, huh? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," You've nailed. And be glad it is not the tie-duck. Oh, the tie-duck. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," You're a good best man, Ted. You'll cry during the toast, right? " 7x01 - The Best Man,Ted," Oh, I'll cry too. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Barney," Between. " 7x01 - The Best Man,Lily," Ted, the bride wants to see you. Seriously? Will you be wearing this tie? " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Oh, God, I have been craving this burger all day. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Do you know what plays a huge role in helping a woman conceive? Cervical mucus. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Oh, my God, I can't wait to see this movie. I hear it's really scary. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Oh, change of plans. I thought violent images wouldn't be good for my future fetus, so instead, I rented this video of a live water birth. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"They don't know what it is. It just showed up on my mom's X-ray. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Look at this crib. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Oh, you're wearing a flower. " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"Thank you. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Ah, didn't compliment. Just observed. " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"I know. Isn't it? " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Why are you wearing that? " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Why does Barney do anything ever? " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"Exactly. Science. There is an 83% correlation between the times men wear boutonnieres and the times they get laid. Think about it. Proms, weddings. Grandmas' funerals. Thanks for the redhead, Nana. The ""everyday boutonniere"" by Stinson. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"And nope. I'm sorry, Barney, but no girl is going home with a guy with a flower on his chest. Unless he's a clown, and she's in the trunk of his car. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Along with 50 other clowns. It's a clown car. Oh. " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"Robin, did you know that boutonniere is French for ""bootie is near?"" True story. Une histoire vraie. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Hmm! Did you know that Barney is French for ""sad little guy who works way too hard to get laid"""" " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"Woman, you best check yourself. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Yeah, on the bright side, I guess suits are pretty boring without them, so... " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"Madam... that is an insult that cannot be borne! I demand satisfaction! " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"What, are we gonna duel? " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"No. I'm going to show everyone this embarrassing video of you. It's Robin Sparkles III, y'all! " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"I cannot wait to see what's on this DVD! " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Oh, you haven't watched it yet? " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"No, of course not. I wanted my first time to be with someone I cared about. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Sweet! I get that a lot. Well, once. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Hey, Robin, do you want to go get a Korean massage on Saturday? " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Oh, I'd love to. I've got this knot in my neck that's so annoying. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Yeah, I figured I should get one now because once I get pregnant, no more massages. Just so annoying. " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"Space Teens?! Is this a p*rn? " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"No, no. Dude, dude. Sweet! It's a kids' show. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"I don't know. This does have all the earmarks of p*rn. Stripper pole, bad lighting, delusional girl who thinks it's a stepping stone to mainstream success. " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a big old bowl of p*rn. Whoa! And who is this exquisite keytarist I assum you're about to make sweet love to? " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Oh, that's Jessica Glitter. She was my BFF on the show and in real life. " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"Ah, BFFs. Did you guys have sleepovers? Get mad at each other and wrestle, but then end up kissing in a tender embrace? Here, show us on Lily. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Barney, you know what? If you're going to be disgusting, we're not watching this, okay? " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Yeah. Come on, Barney. It's just a cute little story about... What exactly is this about? " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Oh, two average Canadian teenagers who solve crimes in space using math. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"That sounds ridiculous. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Oh. Oh. I have to say, as much as I hate to agree with Barney, this does seem to be a veritable p*rn. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Okay, guys, come on. It's a kids' show! Like Electric Company or Sesame Street or, um... " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"You can't do that on television. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Exactly. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"No. You can't do that on television! " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Robin, this show is so dirty, I don't know whether to hug you or run a shower for you so you can sit there alone, crying and clenching your knees. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"It's just bad camera work, okay? Wayne, our camera guy... he wasn't that great. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"I don't know. I think he did a pretty good job, considering he was probably only using one hand. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"You know what? I feel bad for you Americans, that you can look at this wondrous and educational adventure through space, and see something obscene. Can you just please try to look at this with the innocence of a child? " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"I'm sorry. We got to ration this. It's like we're on a desert island, and this video is a really hot, naked chick, and she's got, like, seaweed on her and a seashell bra. You all feel me? " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Hey, if you and Jessica are BFFs, how come we've never met her? " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Okay, well, it was a long time ago, okay? I get a Christmas card from her every year, but we're not really friends anymore. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"But BFFs are forever. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Oh, come on, Lily. Nobody stays friends with their high school friends. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"I'm still friends with Punchy. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Dude, he lives in Cleveland. You see him once a year, at which point, he punches you really hard in the arm and tells everyone how you dookied your pants. I know, on paper he sounds great, but you guys aren't really friends. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Look, I may not see him a lot, but it doesn't matter. Observe. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Punchy! " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Yeah, you, too. If you're ever in New York. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"We are just two peas. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"I don't get it. How can you and Glitter just stop being friends? Best friends don't do that. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Well, we did, okay? And I haven't talked to her in, like, five years, so just drop it. I got to go. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Whoa. What do you think came between Robin and Jessica? " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Much like our friends, the Space Teens, I think I can solve this crime with math. Okay... Okay, here is a Christmas card that Jessica sent Robin. Lily, how old would you say that kid is? " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Four years, three months. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Which means Jessica got pregnant five years ago. Right around the time she and Robin stopped being friends. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Of course. Robin hates kids. " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"The last thing she would want to do is hang out with some little brat. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Thus, if I may... When Glitter's womb a fruit did bear, Robin said, ""To hell with this, I'm outta hare. Glitter got pregnant, so Robin dumped her. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"That's got to be it, right, Lil? Lil? " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Robin's gonna dump me! " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Oh, sweetheart. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"When a second uterus plumped becomes... " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Dude. Feel the room. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"No. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"We've been waiting all day! " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Just watch it without me. " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"Two dudes on the couch together watching p*rn? That's kind of weird. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Okay, it's not p*rn, it's a kids' show. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Two dudes watching a kids' show might be worse. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Okay, fine, I'll watch it with you. Yeah! But if either of you makes even one peep about the show being dirty, I'm turning it off. " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"We... " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"I'm serious. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Our characters had pet beavers. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Sure. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"The beaver is the official animal of Canada. It's our national mascot. " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"It's a noble creature. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Hey! No! You don't get to hear the beaver song! It is a sweet song about friendship, and you guys are being disgusting, and beavers are adorable! " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"No arguments here. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Punchy, what are you doing here? " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Okay, uh, uh, where are you staying? " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Whoa. He's staying here? You're staying here? " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Hey, Schmosby, remember when you dookied on our couch in the form of your idiot high school friend? Unbelievable! " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Come on. I worry about the guy. He's had the same dead-end job at a car rental place for 15 years. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Don't care. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"He's been stuck in Cleveland his whole life. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Get a hotel. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Robin... LeBron. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Okay, one night. Got to go. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Where are you going? We just got here. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Oh, a Korean massage. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"By yourself? " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Well, I figured you'd be busy, reading What to Expect When You're Expecting to Expect. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Guys, did you see that? She's going to a Korean massage without me. That's our thing. I'm telling you, she's gonna dump me, just like she dumped Glitter. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Lily, come on. We don't even know that's what happened. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Um, hello, somebody already solved that crime using math, remember? " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Look, Lily. Robin is clearly getting tired of you constantly talking about babies. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"I don't. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Lily, how old am I? " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"384 months. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Okay. So before you Lily all over the place, maybe you should try hanging out with Robin and not talking about babies. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Hey, Lily, what brings you to the crib? " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Crib... " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"What's the matter? You look rattled. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Rattled? I want to talk about babies. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"What? " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Look, I know you don't care about this stuff, but I'm about to become a mother. And as a future mother, I'm gonna need the support... " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Oh, my God! You're not even pregnant yet. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"What's that supposed to mean? " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"It means that a fertilized egg has not yet attached itself to the lining of your uterine wall. You see? I read your Facebook updates. God, it's like it's all you ever talk about, Lily, and I'm sick of it! " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Well, guess what? I've got some good news. When that baby comes, you don't have to see it. In fact, you don't have to see me. This whole friendship thing? Done. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Great. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Great. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"For crying out loud. You broke up with Robin? " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"I had to. We were growing apart, and we're better off without each other. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Okay, Lily, you sound about as convincing as you did the time you ""accidentally"" shredded my Joey Buttafuoco pants. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"No! " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Get on the phone, call Robin and fix this. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"I can't. The damage is done. Can you just hold me? " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"You know what? No. I don't agree with what you did, and so I refuse to comfort you, despite how adorable you are when you cry. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Okay. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Okay. Maybe just one cuddle, but then that is it. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Yeah. You know, there's more to New York than Times Square. There's the Village, the Lower East Side, Central Park... " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"No. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Here. You know what? Hold this, okay? " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"Seriously, dude, he has got to go. You need to be like, ""You are the weakest link. Goodbye."" Punchy, the tribe has spoken. Please pack up your knives and go. Your work of art didn't work for us. Your time's up. I have to ask you to leave the mansion. You must leave the chateau. Your tour ends here. You've been chopped. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Okay, yeah. I know. " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"You've been evicted from the Big Brother house. Your dessert just didn't measure up. Sashay away. Give me your jacket and leave Hell's Kitchen. I'm sorry, you did not get a rose. You have been eliminated from the race. You are no longer in the running to be America's Next Top Model. You're fired. Auf Wiedersehen. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"That's your scrotum. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Yeah, he's gotta go. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"What are we doing in Madison Square Garden? " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Okay, you refused to talk to Robin. So I thought that you might like to talk to... the organist for the New York Rangers. Jessica Glitter?! " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"How did you find Glitter? " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Simple, really. I used my powers of deduction. You see, I knew Glitter used to be a keytarist, which is basically a piano, so I just made a list of all the keyboard-based occupations and then I cross-matched them... " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Yo, Glitter... Be cool. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"More like ex-best friends. Just like you. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Yeah, well, Marshall and I are about to get pregnant, and I know she stopped being friends with you when you had a baby, so... " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"What? Why? " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Charge! " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Wow. You dumped her just because you had a baby? That's cold. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Oh, God. I gotta go. I gotta go apologize to Robin. I- I need to tell her I love her, and that she'll always be a priority. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Punchy, it's time to go back. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Uh, no. Back-Back to Cleveland. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"You worry about me? " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Punchy! " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Yeah. You, too. If you're ever in New York... " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Wow. She sounds pretty great, Punchy. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Wow! Wow! That's... I'm-I'm really happy for you. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Of course I will. " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"Oh, there you are. Robin, I owe you a huge apology. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"No, okay? Me first. I've been pulling away from you, and I'm sorry. It's just, the last time my best friend had a baby... " 6x09 - Glitter,Lily,"I know. I know all about it. It's not gonna happen with you and me. And I'm sorry I've been going crazy with this baby stuff. I know you hate babies. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Whoa. Look, I hate most babies. But your baby? I'm gonna love that kid so much. I'm gonna pick it up and everything. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"I'm so happy you guys made up. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Me, too. " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"Where do I know this song from? " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"Oh, my God. It's the beaver song. Okay, which one of you put this on? " 6x09 - Glitter,Barney,"Wow. This is so dirty. " 6x09 - Glitter,Marshall,"Come on, Barney. It's a sweet song about friendship. " 6x09 - Glitter,Ted,"Yeah, dude, come on. " 6x09 - Glitter,Robin,"*Dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah...* " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Oh my God, guys, I still have a hangover. Did I really ruin a marriage? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," No, you did not ruin a marriage. Only reception. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Robin," And Miztva Bar next door. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," And my dress. And your dress. You put a dress at one point. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Ok, you know what, it's good. I'll be a father, and I want to be the kind of man that my child can watch. Therefore, new resolution... I will never drunk! I'm serious! " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," I've done it again! " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," What happened to your leg? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," Oh, nothing. I must have coffee with Nora. She is still angry, so I need some ""sympathy points"". She loves musicals, so I'll tell him that I fell off stage during a performance of ""Man of La Mancha."" What do you think? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," Lose the cast. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," A one-man show... I love it! " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," Let us be clear... this woman is angry against you because you lied to him. So your solution is to claim that you broke your leg? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," You're right. A cervical neck brace! Thank you, Lil. I should have to talk to you soon. I trained all day with these crutches and one who has left in my hall is likely to need it. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," Well, I have good news. As you know, I recently decided to start out and see the girls. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," Uh, yes. Salvation. I'm Ted. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," That's great, Ted. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," It was a completely random moment. The kind that you can create yourself... At least I thought. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," Oh, no. How have I landed on it? Salvation. Ted Mosby. I plead guilty. Salvation. Ted Mosby. It's embarrassing. I will be on the cover of ""An egg on my face"" magazine. But I'm not. I'm on the cover of that one. Salvation. Ted Mosby. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," completely random 16 times in one day, and 16 of these, 10 were single. Of these 10, seven have loved what they saw. Of these seven, four were women. And these four, two have given me their real number. And I go with both. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Guys, this is Garrison Cootes. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," If I did not work, I could finish... in kind, a Taco Belle somewhere. And nobody wants that. Unless you want to do this, like this you would have free tacos, since you are my friends. But now I need you all calmiez! Hello. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," I love the work you do. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," No, I mean it. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," He's interested! " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," It's fantastic, Mr Cootes! " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," The crocodile you saw? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," Hi Nora, thank you for coming. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," My naked...? Oh, that's nothing. I was playing in a One Man Show at Fiddler. There was this scene... " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," Wait, Nora, waiting... No, please. I'm sorry. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," Someone who likes you, really. And suspicious, and probably accurately you do it over more later, and therefore he feels the need... I'm sorry, you spoke of this fantastic pair of tits, right? Because I seek, and I do not see them. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," I just had two rencards following. With two adorable girls, four cappuccinos and wait... I do not know which was the best. Here are the girls: Jessica is a student in Rhode Island, she traveled around the world, speaks four languages and plays the piano. Claire and fought for the bill. So I do not know. It is t*rture. You see, the two girls have the potential to be really special. They both deserve a second round. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," Wait a minute. You're going to handle two girls at once? You do not think you should pick one before it gets too serious? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," Define ""serious"". " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," Well, it's complicated. I think it would be when you have expectations, emotional involvement... " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Third base. Seriously, third base. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," So I can go to the second two with no problem? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Treat yourself my friend. Treat yourself. Oh no. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Poor. This is very bad. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Oh! Oh! Someone there mentioned generous donation? I'm Marshall Eriksen. But you can call me Biercules! " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," Well, it could be anyone. And thin, I had forgotten this story Biercules.Who made this site first? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Pete Durkenson. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," Of course. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Robin," This is the guy who convinced you to run around campus naked? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," I wanted to join a club that I left three days later, because the clubs are stupid and elitist. And I also discovered that it was not a club. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," Oh my God. This is huge! I am invited to the Ball of Architects, the annual gala honoring the greatest architects of the city. Oh no. You guys see the problem? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Robin," This is an annual gala that honors the greatest architects of the city? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," Robin, this is the biggest celebrity event of the year. In taking a girl at the ball, man, you reached third base. Whatever the girl I invite, it will be the steady girlfriend of Ted Mosby by the end of the evening. Ok, we stop to sit between two chairs. Robin, bring me my notebook. It's time to make lists of pros and cons. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," Okay, I did not know. Mea culpa. So, from now, more lies. I never lie to you. I'm serious. Ask me anything. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," Have I ever... If I'm totally honest... Yes. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," More than once... Wow, this is... I guess if we... so, technically, there were a number of times I've lied to a woman to sleep with her. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," Nine or ten for most. There has been a 4 once. It was an easy girl.But, Nora, after that, I had to flee so fast. Honesty is good. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," You want me to tell all the lies I have told to put a woman in my bed? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," You are good. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Pete, Pete. Hey! " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Hey, I tried to call you all night. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," It is Sunday. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Ok, you know this old video of me? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," You have to take away the internet. Genre immediately. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Yes, both are non-negotiable refusal. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Who are you playing anyway? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," I do not have time to explain how I got there. I just need someone to suck the poison. The surgeon gave me a new face, darling. You realize that I am alive? My name is David Beckham. If I castais only the white swan, is the role for you. No, I am a lesbian. What I wear is just very realistic. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," Oh, once I am the soul man. There was this pretty girl who only go out with black. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," I can not choose. They are both extraordinary. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Robin," If architects had only two b*ll*ts, eh Ted? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," I knew it. Ted, left or right? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," Yes, yes, good idea. Let fate decide? I will choose the left. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Robin," Ted, to your heart, you know that you love one more than the other.Believe me, takes the other. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," Uh, I have perhaps not been clear is the... Robin Ball Architects.This event is a very hip. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Robin," Ok, name one celebrity who will be there. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," Lenny Kravitz. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Robin," Lenny Kravitz will be there? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," Yes. He is there every year. And it's a rock star. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Robin," You know, Ted, in hindsight, it is too early to choose between these two girls. Takes a friend. Like, I dunno, maybe a friend who has a poster of Lenny Kravitz on his wall, and may or may not have dated this post and transported from his high school... " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," This list of pros and cons leads to nothing. I need a color scale. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Robin,"Lily and Scale of colors! " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Pete, please. I am unemployed. I have a huge mortgage. A baby arriving. And I'm about to lose a job that I really need because of a drunken video of 15 years ago. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," There is no club. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," It's not that I want to be a troublemaker. Fair, I must be one. I'll be a dad. You have children one day, you will understand. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Pete, please, remove the video. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Oh no. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Pete, please, I'm tired... " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," I do not want to play Edward bottles money. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," And that made all the lies related to space. Let the world of sports. Oh wait, I forgot for a space: ""I was bitten by a snake space. You have to suck all the poison around my... "" " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," So that was cool. I can remember, or...? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," Well, I count three for and one against. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," Because you are sat here all night. You could leave, but you did not. Listen, Nora, these lies, it was the old me. But I swear I try to change.You... make me want to change. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," I will prove it. I'll show you how much I'm serious. I will not leave this restaurant as I have not got a second date with you. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," I do not laugh. It is a restaurant 24h/24. I will stay forever if necessary. And I will. Just water for me please. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," Ok, so the red bar indicates the level of attractiveness, blue, intellectual stimulation, green, emotional connection, yellow, compatibility aspirations of life, and purple, so she tried to pay or not. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," Well, it looks like Jessica wins in the first four categories. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," Do not fight in... " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Robin," Oh, that? It's nothing. It cost me three months' rent, and uh, I have never worn because I bought it for a big party to which you would have asked what did not happen. But, you know what? Do not feel guilty. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," What big event? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Robin," This thing with your uncle. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," His funeral? It fell into the water, he emerged miraculously from his coma. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Robin," And I forgive you. Now I can have my place and meet Lenny Kravitz? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," I've done it again! " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," Oh, dear. You're still drunk. I can not believe that I made the bet. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Just to be clear, ""I've done it again!""... Am not referring to my current state of inebriation. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," What does it therefore reference? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," My name is Marshall Eriksen. I'm 33 and if my potential future employer, Garrison Cootes, look at this... Prostrate to Biercules! " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," Well... it could be anyone... " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," Pete, it's Lily Aldrin. I'll be brief. You're going out this video of Marshall. You know why? Because I am friends with three girls with whom you came to school, and girls say it all together. Every small detail.Huh. So... tick, tick... Pete so goes the clock in the little dick. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," Pete has a small dick? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," I have no idea. Well, what do you take? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," It had to happen eventually. I tried so hard to suppress my... ""side-idiot-who-is-not-care-for nothing"" he rebelled and has struggled! " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Robin," It's for sure! " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Who do I crazy? I'm not ready to be a father. I thought I was, but it's like... My father never did such things, you know? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," But if he did, you would love all the same. And to be honest, you do not love to come across a video of him running down the street naked shouting, ""Hey, Marshall, look at me! I have a stalactite on the head! "" " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," Oh! Hi guys! Oh! My neck! Uh... oh! Hey! Look at this! " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Robin," Barney, what are you doing here? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Barney," Oh, I told Nora that I would not leave until I have no second appointment, and I intend to do. I am here since 9 o'clock. I still need another minute. Say I'm crazy, but I'll stay here as long as it will not be returned. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," That's what I want. Barney's feelings for Nora, I want to feel again. I do not want to choose between two girls. I want to be completely baba one of the two. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," Yes, the stupid thing that makes us turn the head, pretty cool. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," It's not bad. Also, for posterity, a statement drunk guy! I would not drink again. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Carpet Biercules! Yeah! " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Hello? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Yes, Mr Cootes. How are you? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Sir, the fact is that... " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," It's fantastic. Thank you, Mr Cootes. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Oh, there was a snake in the swamp? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," I got the job. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," Yes! " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," And I think my boss is already sexually harassing me. But he saw the video and he does not care! " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," Saw what? Maybe the video is not so bad after all. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Yes. Hello? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," Yes, no, I know. Pete, we drank together yesterday. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," You know what? Let her. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," You know what? That's good. I want my children to see every part of me. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," Yes. Even the side where you route the East Village naked. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Marshall," I will remember Pete. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Lily," It's a good idea. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Robin," Thanks for taking me. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," The pleasure is mine. And you know, you might find it interesting.Some of these guys represent the history of New York. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Robin," Yes, yes. Where is Lenny Kravitz? " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," Right there. Leonard Kravitz, world-renowned architect. This guy is a star. He will make his famous reading of 90 minutes on the beams. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Robin," Well, great. I'll go find one myself and hang myself. " 7x02 - The Naked Truth,Ted," Ok " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"We agree, it's insane to have a child before he saw the five doubles, right? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Sure, it goes without saying. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"So when we finally see a dead ringer for Barney, this is the message of the universe to tell us to do. And at that time, we'll try. Deal? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Deal. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"You were serious with this story of the fifth lookalike?A baby is big enough to let the universe decide. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"I know, it's crazy. It's easier to let the universe decide. Why? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Decided! " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"Wait 2 seconds! It could easily be Barney who tries to f*ck chicks. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"I've moved up. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"Barney here. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Marshall. So, you're in the office? You're not, I do not know, driving a taxi, with a wig? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"Yes, I'm in the office. This is the sound of my stapler.This is the sound of my trouilloteuse. And that, the sound of me, ranking the company's directive on sexual harassment. What's new? I gotta run, great leader. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Barney's office. It was the fifth double. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"Marshall Eriksen... put a baby in my belly. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"I hasten to add. This is one of the moments you dream about. ""Friends, Lily and I have unprotected relations. ""I have chills. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"We're going to say anything. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"What? Why? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"If you tell them, they are invited in at the most private and intimate of our lives. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"You kiss? Go on, I'm not even there. But just like that, have a babybig mistake. Now, show me. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"Uncle Ted is here! How you will handle the story of Santa Claus? You should be honest. Damn, I will disguise myself. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Okay. I tell anyone. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"We saw the fifth lookalike! " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"Incredible! " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"That's great! " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"Bizarre. A Barney Brown. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"I know. Say what you want about him, but Barney is better blonde. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"True. The blonde does not go to any guy. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"I'm not sure. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"What? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"This was where I was swimming teacher at Cascade Country Club of Grief, I washed the mop with lemon juice, playing with natural highlights. Let's just say that there were some old pretending to drown. Unfortunately, one has really drowned. In short, blonde suits me. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"I do not care, I can eat. Yes, we would like nachos. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"I love you buddy, but it is impossible that the blond you go well. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"It would not look good. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"Yeah, seriously, Ted, you not discolor hair. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"I fade hair! " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"It is not at all what we expected! " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"Of course... the chemical stuff, yes. But, what grows in nature, they can try, like, a couple of times. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"I think that we should not lie to kids, Moo-Moo! " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"I've tried drugs. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"What was that for? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"I see... " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Sorry. You do not know me. But I wanted to thank you.In fact, you are someone very important in my life. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"No, go ahead. I'm listening. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"The executive producer of WNKW saw our show the other morning and I loved it. They offer me the position of presenter, starting next week. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"That's great! " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"Yes, but here's the thing... WNKW is... " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"Helen, dryer stops! " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"Is Chicago. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"You're the fifth double. How can you be you? I called you, Barney. And we talked about! " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"Yes, I understand. My colleagues are oddly on the fact that I work. I know, I know. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"To make them believe that I break my ass, when in truth I break some ass, I made a special message. What's new? I gotta run, Grand Chief. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"It was a recording? You called me Big Chief, my nickname special job. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"Come, Grand Chief. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Come on. Stops. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"Why it happens now? While all was well with Don. This is the never ending battle of my lifecareer vs. love. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"""Endless Battle""? Your career has crashed love for years.It's like the Globetrotters vs. the Generals. Crochet career in half, the love is greenhorns who deserve it the Italian league. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"I'm lost. What do I do? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"You really need to talk to Don. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"I'm too upset to talk with him. I have to avoid the time I decide what I want. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"It sounds logical. Sorry to not be able to help you more than that. In truth, I can not be objective about the fact you're gone. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"You did a manicure? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"No, I did not... " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Why are you brown taxi driver? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"Oh, that. You know how I dream of making love to a woman from each country? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Sure. You're doing well in the Baltics. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"I thought the fastest way to circumnavigate the world in 180 days. Take a taxi and wait before the United Nations. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"It was the perfect plan. There's a detail I had not expected. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"The girls not want to enter a taxi driver. I worked hard on it. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"I think so. I must confess to Lily that the fifth lookalike is false. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"What's the problem? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Lily decided that once you have seen all the doubles, we try to have children. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"Children!? No! Ruleno children under 45! You never read my blog!? He has improved a lot. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"I'm ready to be a father, you know? But Lily needs a sign of the universe. It could take years. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"Sorry, pal. It'll be $ 37.50. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"The universe has spoken. Marshall Eriksen, make a baby. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"They told me, so I've prepared a few. I organize a ""marriage"". Tell me, Billy Idol, it's going to do? More on Billy Idol.If someone wants the real Slim Shady, it's there. This one was good. Robin, why do not you help me? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"First, I get lots of compliments. Then tell her. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"It gets no compliments. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"The other thing. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"It may be that I moved to Chicago next week. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Just to know, but it would do the same if we had not seen the Barney look-alike, eh? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"But we have seen, which means that the universe in its infinite wisdom, tell me of planting, and apply yourself. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"I can not. I can in good conscience you plant. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"I know what's bothering you. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Really? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"The taxi driver looked like enough to Barney. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Well, there you got wrong. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"Time out! This is a group decision! You can not go to Chicago before we are all agreed. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"I think Robin... " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"Stay out of it, Brigitte Nielsen and Dolph Lundgren in Rocky IV! We need Marshall and Lily. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"It was smaller than Barney! " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"It was the same size! " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"And you know what? I think he was Asian. Yeah, this guy was a little Asian with a graying goatee and belly. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"You forgot what looks like Barney? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"You kiss? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Why are you in our room? (Robin's turn to...) Why are you in our room? (Followed by Ted) Why Ellen DeGeneres is in our room? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"It works! " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"Wait a second. Candles... flowers... I guess that Marshall has ""forgotten"" to tell you. The fifth lookalike... it was me. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"What? Wait, you were aware? You lied to me? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"By omission, because this idea of ""let the world decide"" is crazy. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"Baby, you... " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"We must control our... " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"Friends! We forget what is really important here. Ted is blond. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"Friends, I'm doing well. Robin has something important to say. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"It failed him. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"The other thing. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"He had a manicure. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"The other thing. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"I had a job offer in Chicago. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"That's why we're all here. For Robin to deter... " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"Actually, I already made my decision. Friends, I must accept. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"I can not believe that Robin is going to lose. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"And besides, it was a big mistake. I will re-stain the hair. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"Finally. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"I told you so. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"Not so great that. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"So I was on the phone with Chicago. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"Yes, I made my decision. I appreciate the offer, but I can not accept it. Thank you. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"I'm staying. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Tell me... Did you see the real Barney driving the taxi, and you thought it was a little Asian pot-bellied. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"I know. It's weird, huh? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"It's not weird. That means you're not ready. Sorry for wanting to rush things. Our baby can expect the real dead ringer for Barney. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"Hello Moo-Moo! Monty did you do an extra-fine pizza just as you love them! Are you okay? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"You said what? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Barney? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"It's just a guy we know who has a blog and really bad. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"This is something that was cool 8 years ago. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"What's your name? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"how Kristof? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Really? Your last name is ""Sosie""? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"I'm going. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"I can. Good luck in Chicago, Don. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"Barney, why are you doing this? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Wait a second. Is it possible that Barney Stinson secretly hope they have children? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"Let me talk about him. He keeps saying that nobody should have children before 45 years. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"But I think I know what happens. Yesterday, Barney felt obliged to say goodbye to someone he really likes. And it made him think... A baby joining our group might not be the worst thing. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"And one day he will be the best uncle in the world. Because it Barney, he is part of our family. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"Excuse me a moment. Estonia Baltic countries would complete! " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"Say yes to that. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"Yes. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"I can re-move? (Ted takes her in his arms. They sit on the couch) Is I'm the biggest idiot in the world? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"Think of all of us, five years ago, when we met you.Marshall and Lily were friends as little. Today they are married and think about the children. And Barney? He would never get involved with anyone. And last year, he fell in love. And me? I was chasing a girl, convinced she was right. Today it is one of my best friends. And you? 5 years ago, you would never put love before your career, but now you did it. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"Seems like I become more and more stupid. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"Just more courageous. We all looked for the 5 lookalikes.But eventually, over time, we all become our own doubles.These completely different people who look exactly like us. The ""Robin, there was 5 years""? This girl was pretty cool. Robin lookalike? She's great. (They are close) We drank a lot. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"I do not care. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"What? I forgot, I'm blond. I have blonde hair. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"Yes! You're there! This is fantastic! " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"Calm down. Your husband is here. Trying to hide it, at least. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"The friends, follow me! (They leave) Look! The fifth double. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"This guy looks like me... " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Guys... Play the game " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"It's amazing. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"Is not it? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Robin,"It looks like Barney. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Ted,"Amazing. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Barney,"It's like looking in a mirror. " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Marshall,"Does that mean...? " 5x24 - Doppelgangers,Lily,"Marshall Eriksen... put a baby in my belly. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,", " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"No. It's called manners, jerk. Now, what's-what's going on in New York? Give me something. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"There is one thing that's been going on. Uh, it's about Ted... and Zoey. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"I thought the oven was Celsius. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"It's okay. We got hot dogs. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Lily,"Yeah, and it's not like you can screw up a hot dog. Oh, God. This is so good. I'm gonna finish it in the bathroom. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"I hope I can pass this hot dog. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Well, looks like someone's going out in the cold to get more ketchup. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Which is all gone. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Hmm, tell you what... no dice. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"You're not getting out of this. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"I'll get the ketchup. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Robin, I just want you to know, it's either this story you're telling me or another game of Clue against myself, so make it good. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"Oh, it's good. You see, after that night, none of us heard from Zoey for a while. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"Finally, Ted called her up. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"So are we ever gonna see you again? Because, if I recall correctly, you owe me a date with your hot cousin. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Yes. And we miss you. But the cousin thing mostly. Let's get that going. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,", " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,", " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,", " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Hi, Honey, I'm Ted. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"She is a lovely person... warm, intelligent, just kind of gullible. It's like, every word out of her mouth makes you want to be like, ""Oh, honey."" " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Interesting. Show your work. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Oh, honey. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Oh, honey. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Oh, honey. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Oh, honey. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"I know. You just want to wrap her up in a blanket and give her a cup of tea. She's, like, this little lost lamb who needs to be protected from the wolves. Speaking of whom... " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Oh, honey. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"So the night went on, and eventually everyone went home, except for Ted and Honey. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Why do they call 'em coasters? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"And Barney. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Ted, a word. God, I hate these situations. What are we gonna do about this? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"What are you talking about? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Come on, Ted, it's obvious. Honey's vibing on me. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"What? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"It's called body language. Remember when she was touching your arm and leaning in real close? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Mm-hmm. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Well, while that was happening, the straw in her drink was pointed right at me. I mean... that's as clear as a signal gets, so... I'm so sorry, man. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"You're right. She's all yours, buddy. I'd say hump her brains out, but someone obviously already has. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"Good for you. Ted Mosby does not take advantage of poor, helpless honeys. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Yeah, actually, there's another reason that I didn't go home with her. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"Hmm? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Mom, hang up! " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Go on. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Yeah, actually, there's another reason that I didn't go home with her. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"Hmm? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"I'm in love with Zoey. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Oh, my God. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Mom! " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Ted's in love with Zoey? But, but she's married. That boy needs an intervention. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"Funny you should say that. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Does anyone know why we're here? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Lily,"Yeah, who called this intervention? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"I did. It's for me. This is about the coffee breath. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Lily,"Finally. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"Hmm, no, it's the shoulder hair. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Guys, just let the man explain how it's all about his wearing a lady's watch. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"It's because I'm in love with Zoey, and she's married, so it needs to stop. And... intervene. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Lily,"Are you sure it's love? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Remember the ketchup bottle? She wasn't the one who dropped it. When she reached for it, our fingers touched, and... " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Marcus! This is a private conversation! So what'd the wuss do next? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"This is love. And this was my grandmother's watch. Anyway, now I have only one course of action in front of meI have to end my friendship with Zoey. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"Isn't that a little harsh? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Lily,"Harsh? Robin, a single guy and a married woman cannot be friends if one's in love with the other. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"Yeah, but Zoey is friends with us now, too. It's not like Ted can just ghost out on her. She'll always be around. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Then what am I supposed to do? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"Okay, just shut it down. Okay, just ignore your feelings. If-If she asks you for ketchup, tell her to get it her own damn self. Look, I like Zoey. Without her, my dinner party wouldn't have been such a success. So those feelings of yours... shut 'em down. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Fine. I'll shut 'em down. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Lily,"And seriously, mouthwash after coffee. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Oh, um, that's my other line. It's not a number I recognize. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"So don't answer it. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Yeah. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,", " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Well, it would be. Good-bye. Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Hey, Marshall. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Barney. W- What number is this? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"I'm up on burners, playa. Too many crazies had my old number, so now I'm all about disposable cell phones. I'll use one for a while, have my fun, then dump it and get a new one. And then I'll do the same with my phone. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Hey, uh, so Robin told me about this whole Ted and Zoey thing. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Dude, she doesn't know how to tell a story. I'll tell you that story. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Uh... Robin's version was... " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"That is exactly how it happened. So Ted did his best to impress her, but as per yoozh, he bored the pants very much on her. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Blah, blah, blah, I'm an architect. Blah, blah, blah, I don't wear suits. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Blah, blah, blah, blah. Rambling architecture anecdote. Blah, blah, something about a bridge. Blah, blah, blah... " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Anyway, I get Honey back to her place. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Who's your daddy? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Okay, can we skip this part, please? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Sure, I'll just summarize it. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Okay, that's been going on a while. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Only way I know how. Any-who, next day, I'm going into work. I run into Zoey. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Hey, Zoey. That cousin of yours... Honey... yowsa! I must say, your family tree has got a couple of pretty big coconuts. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Yeah, we had a great time last night. And then just hand stuff in the morning, so... " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Nope, he let me have her. I have to say, it was pretty noble of him. He fell on his sword so that she could fall on mine. I won't bore you with the details, but to summarize... ( " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"She hugged me. What was that all about? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Marcus! " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Wow. Zoey's in love with Ted. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Sure. Hey, where's the...? No! Aah! " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"So Ted's in love with Zoey and Zoey's in love with Ted? Well, that-that's not going to work. I got to call Ted. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Hello. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Listen, Ted, um, I got to tell you something about Zoey. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Yeah, yeah. I need to tell you something about Zoey, too. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Can I get you a beer? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,":Listen, Zoey, I, um... I need to tell you something. Um... " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Mom! Get off the phone! " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Marcus, hang up! Both of you, hang up! And we need ice cream. Go on. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"I, uh... I can't be friends with you anymore. And this may seem strange, but... you can't ask me why. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"And that was it. No more Zoey. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Oh. Hey, buddy, that's Lily. I should take that. But, uh, you're a good guy, Ted. Hey, baby. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Lily,"We hate Ted now. Get on board or the sexting stops. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Ted's a son of a bitch! (cell phone chirps) Oh, nice. But, hey, um, baby, go easy on Ted, okay? He just, he just ended things with Zoey. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Lily,"Oh, I know. But did he tell you the whole story? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"I, uh, I can't be friends with you anymore. And you can't ask me why. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Lily hates you. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Lily,"That's crazy. I don't hate you. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Lily,"He... Oh, really? And-And what did Ted say, exactly? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Lily hates you. She hates you so much it's hard to be around you. So we can't be friends. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Lily,"Oh, he... Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay, well, I- I guess there's no use hiding it anymore. I- I hate you. Bitch. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Difficult stuff? What difficult stuff? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Lily,"I don't know. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Well, you did the right thing, baby. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Lily,"Not entirely. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Lily,"Zoey, wait! I don't hate you! We just can't be friends anymore because... Robin hates you. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"And that's Robin on the other line. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Lily,"Oh, well, I'll let you take that. Love you, baby! " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking... Listen, Robin. I know. I apologize for my wife. She never should have... " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"Yeah, I told Zoey you hate her. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Me? You dragged me into this?! " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"You just went through a tragedy. It's not like she's gonna call you up and... " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Oh, God, that's my other line. Oh, God, it's a 917 number, and I don't recognize it! I think it's Zoey! " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"Just don't answer it. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"I can't not answer. It's impolite. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"Marshall, you can beat this. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"I can't turn my back on politeness. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"You don't have to answer. You can just let it ring. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Good manners are what separate us from those ""elbows on the table"" Wisconsinites. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Robin,"You can do this. I believe in you. Don't do it, Marshall! " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"I'm sorry, Robin! Eriksen residence. Marshall speaking. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Oh, honey. Oh! Honey! Zoey's cousin. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Listen, um, about Barney... " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Who's your daddy? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"So I wrote him a letter. And I poured my heart out. And I gave him my number and I told him to call me. And he still hasn't called me. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"I mean, I shouldn't be surprised. Clearly, he wants nothing to do with me. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"I mean, why else would he let 30 years go by? He's ashamed to have me as a son. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Four. Four Nobel Prizes. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Barney,"Only three. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Hey, uh, listen, Honey, while I've got you, do you have any idea what kind of difficult stuff Zoey's been going through? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"I am her therapist. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Uh, okay, listen, I think we've made great progress for today. I got to go. Bye. Mom! Marcus! " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"I told you. Lily hates you. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"All right. Yes. I... hate you. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Zoey. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"So we got Ted and Zoey. Ted is in love with Zoey. Zoey has no idea. Then Zoey's cousin Honey went home with Barney, and Zoey was happy about it. Which tells us what? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Zoey's in love with Ted and Ted doesn't know. So Ted and Zoey... they're in love with each other, which would be fine if Zoey wasn't married to Colonel Mustard. I mean, The Captain. Except now, as Honey informs me... " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"And we miss you. But the cousin thing mostly. Let's get that going. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Zoey and The Captain are getting divorced. Which means...? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"Give me that phone. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Why do I hate you? Are you kidding? Uh, you're actively trying to prevent me from realizing a lifelong dream. So there's that. Plus, you're stubborn and-and-and argumentative. And what kind of name is Zoey, huh? What is that, short for Zoseph? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Why was Marshall calling? " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"You talk during movies. You-You-You sneeze with your whole body. Uh, to my knowledge, you do not speak Portuguese. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"You're a show-off. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Ted,"Uh, hey, Marshall, can I call you back? I'm out in the hallway with... She is? She is? Marshall, I got to go. " 6x15 - Oh Honey,Marshall,"They're kissing?! Yeah! ( " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Thank you. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"'Kay. Oh, go on, touch it. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Ah! Sweet damn, that's a hot plate. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"All right, so, Barney, are you doing this or what? " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"Oh, geez, Barney, don't do this. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"I have to, it's my birthday present to Ted. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"You don't have to. Please, it's going to be embarrassing and we're going to have to stop coming here, which will suck... in addition to probably being kind of healthy. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Come on, Marshall, it's the greatest pickup line of all time. Barney. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Oy, gevalt. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Ah... Happy birthday, Ted. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Whoo-hoo! " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Uh, excuse me, has anyone ever told y... Oh, my God. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Oh! Call an ambulance! " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Try not to speak. Here, sit down. Just don't talk, don't talk. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"I'm serious, call 911. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Shh! Shh! Just don't move. Don't move. Just try... Here, have some water. Water! Here, drink this. Shh! Shh! " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"You know, the more I watch this, the less convinced I am that it's the greatest pickup line of all time. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Wait for it. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"28. Two more 'til the big one, three-oh. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Still, you know, another year older. Still single. You don't hear your Tedological clock ticking? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Nope. I hit the snooze button. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"And here come the paramedics. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Oh, thank God, you're here. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"I think there might be some internal bleeding. Probably some fractures. We got to get her to the hospital. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"You've had a terrible fall. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Really? 'Cause I could swear you fell straight out of heaven. Angel... Give him your number. What? Give him your number. What? " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Come on, guys, you're embarrassing me. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"What are you...? Come on. They're not going to stop 'til you give me your number. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"It works! " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"I cannot believe that she gave him her number. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"Maybe she really does have a brain injury. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Thank you, everyone. Thank you, everyone. It's been fun. It's Wendy the waitress. Tip her well. Thanks a lot, guys. Troilus and Cressida. Neighborhood Playhouse. Check them out, they're good. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"I realize why I'm still single. I'm picky. I'm not going to settle. If I'm going to marry someone, she has to be perfect. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Well, what's perfect? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"It's not like I have a list. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"Oh, yes, you do. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Attractive, college-educated, she wants two kids-- a boy and a girl... " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"That's not hard. I know at least... " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"I'm not done. She likes dogs, Otis Redding, does the crossword. She's into sports, but not so much so that her legs are, like, more muscular than mine. That weirds me out. And she plays bass guitar like Kim Deal from the Pixies. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Or Kim Gordon from Sonic Youth. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Any Kim from any cool band, really. Can't be too picky. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"You're never going to find this girl. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Exactly. So I'm just going to wait for her to come to me. I am done trying to plan the unplannable. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"So, what, you think fate's just going to take care of it? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"That's the plan. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Whoa, you're up early. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Yeah, thought I'd whip up some pancakes. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Does Marshall know? " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"He's still sound asleep. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Awesome. So awesome. God! Best girl ever. Screw these pancakes, I should cover you in syrup and gobble you up. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Please don't do that. Hey, is this milk any good? " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Oh, yeah, that totally got me yesterday. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"God, why didn't you throw it away? " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"I'm going shopping after work. I'll pick up some milk. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Oh...! These pancakes are delightful. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"What's wrong, baby? " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"This is the high point of my day. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Hey, Barney, I had some questions about filling out these requisition forms. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Binoculars. Second pair on my desk. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"I don't have time to be creepy, dude. I have a lot of work to do. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Just take a look, will ya? Okay, corner office. Top floor. Check out that guy. Name's Clark Butterfield. He works over at Nicholson, Hewitt and West and every morning, he orders a sandwich from the deli downstairs. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"So? " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"So guess what I did to that sandwich? Here, I took a picture. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Oh! Sweet Lord. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"And now I'm e-mailing said picture to him. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Ooh! Duck! That is sick! Why would you do that? " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Who knows? This feud goes so far back I can't remember who fired the first sh*t. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"You? " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Totally. Well, look, if you would just... help me fill out these forms, that would be great. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"What? " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Butterfield is going to retaliate within the next four hours. That's been his pattern. This is w*r, Eriksen. I need you to clear your schedule, call Lily, tell her you'll be home late. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"This is stupid. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Stu... Come on, man, I didn't recruit you to work here for your lawyering skills. I recruited you to be my executive mischief consultant. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"This is a job for me, Barney. It's a way to make some extra wedding money, and that's it. Now I'm sorry, but I have work to do. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Tracy, could you come in here, please? Would you please inform Mr. Eriksen that I'm no longer speaking to him. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"I get it. Thank you, Tracy. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Hello? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Speaking. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Uh, yeah. You guys never found me a match. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"I don't understand. What happened to Ellen Pierce? Doesn't she run this place? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"So I'm in good hands. You found me a match? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"No way. The last time I did this, the girl turned out to be engaged. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"All right, fine. Set it up. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"You wanted to see me, so I guess that means we're talking again? " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Will you taste this latte for me? I think they gave me decaf. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Tastes normal to me. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"That's what I thought, too. Then I got this e-mail from Butterfield. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Oh, God! " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"It got me as well. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Well, then why did you have me drink it?! " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Because now... you're in. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Okay. Don't think I'm overlooking the obvious fact that I should just be mad at you. But Executive Mischief Consultant Marshall Eriksen reporting for duty. Let's make that bastard pay. You think that we should brush our teeth first? " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Yeah, it's probably a good idea. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Lily? " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Hey, Ted, are you busy? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Um... yes. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Oh, right. Soul mate. Forgot. Listen, could you take a cab out to Duchess County and change a flat on Marshall's Fiero? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"What? What? No. Can't you just call Marshall? " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Marshall can't know about this. Look, Ted, it's dark, I don't know how to change a tire, and I've stumbled into the beginning of a very scary campfire story. Can you please hurry? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"I can't, I'm waiting... " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Oh, my God, is that a drifter with a hook for a hand? No, drifter, no! " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Come on, Lily. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"But you see my point. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"All right, stay there. I'm on my way. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Oh, thank God. I'm so sorry about this. Did you get ahold of your date? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Yes. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"And was she okay about pushing it back? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Yes. Because she's perfect. So what am I doing here? " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"You can never tell Marshall. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"I won't. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Ever. Swear. Swear on the lives of your unborn boy and girl. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"I swear on Luke and Leia. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"About a month ago, I started getting insomnia. Marrying Marshall had been all I wanted for a long time. But, now that it was really happening, it seemed kind of huge and scary. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Did you talk to Marshall about it? " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"He wouldn't have understood. He's not exactly nervous about tying the knot. So I spent my nights reading, painting, setting the high score on Super b*mb Man... " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"That was you? Awesome! " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"I know! I just got in the zone and... Not the point of the story. And then I started thinking about Victoria and how she followed her dream to Germany, and I found that art fellowship. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Let me guess. It's somewhere far away. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"San Francisco. But it's not like I'm going to do it. The dates conflict with the wedding. But I love painting, and I've always wondered if I'm any good. This was a way to find out. And the interview is tonight. In New Haven. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"You don't want to get married. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Of course I want to get married. I... It's not like I was ever going to do it. I just... I just really wanted to see if I could get this. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Lily, we live in the center of art and culture in America. I'm sure you could find a program here that's just as selective. But you chose one in a city 3,000 miles away, and you didn't tell Marshall. I think it's pretty clear what that means. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Okay, I was... I was having second thoughts. But I'm not any more. I... I mean, this flat tire was a sign. I'm not supposed to do this. I'm supposed to go home and-and be with Marshall. You must think I'm so stupid. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"I don't think you're stupid. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"I love Marshall. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"I know you do. Come here. It's okay. Look... Marriage is big. You're allowed to freak out. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"But why am I the only one? How come Marshall isn't doing anything crazy? " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"So all we need is one large shipping box and 100 white mice. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"All done. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Ted, let's go to New Haven. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Lily, don't do this to yourself. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"I just need to know if I can get in. If I do this interview, and get into the program, then I'll know, and I can forget all about it, and get married. Come on! It's an adventure. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"No, it's not an adventure. It's a mistake. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Okay, yes, it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake. But there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake, and look back, and say, ""Yep. That was a mistake."" So, really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not. And, damn it, I've made no mistakes! I've done all of this-- my life, my relationship, my career-- mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"I don't know. You said ""mistake"" a lot. Lily, don't do this. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Ted, I'm getting married in two months, and I'm freaking out, and you're my best friend, and you just have to forgive me for this. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Forgive you for what? " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Anything, bro. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"I need you to come up to Duchess County and pick me up. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"No. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"It's kind of an emergency. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"What are you doing in Duchess County? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Apple picking. Can you just get up here? " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"I wish I could help, buddy, but I'm stuck here at work. We're kind of swamped. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Is that Ted? " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Yeah. He's stuck in Duchess County. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Don't you have a big date tonight? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Uh... Marshall. Hi. Yes. Yes, I do. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"So what are you doing in Duchess County? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Can't a brother go apple picking without getting the third degree? Damn! " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Okay, well, hang on. I'm coming to get you. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"No! " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Relax, man. I'll take the Fiero. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"No, no, no. Just... forget it. Ha, ha! A little prank. I'm not in Duchess County. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"So that's the prank? That you're not in Duchess County? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Yep. Gotcha! Classic! Gotta go. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Hey, check out this one. It actually looks like Butterfield. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"You know, over at the NRDC, it's a bunch of really committed people who take their job of saving the earth very, very seriously. Which is great, and everything, but I can't imagine having this much fun over there. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"You thinking about coming to work here full-time? " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Maybe. Don't tell Lily, okay? " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Thanks, Tracy. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"Of course we are. Were you going to think of that? " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"No. " 1x21 - Milk,Barney,"That would have been bad. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Horrible. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"Need a ride, cowboy? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Sorry. I don't get in vans with strangers. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"Hmm, too bad. I got candy. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Candy?! " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"So you're not going to tell me what you were doing by the side of a highway in Duchess County? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Nope. Sworn to secrecy. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"Oh, come on. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"I like your hat. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"Right. This is embarrassing. I got highlights. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Oh, for the waiting room of your dental practice? Highlights is a children's magazine. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"Yeah, I got it. I thought it might look cool. Of course my colorist took ""highlights"" to mean, ""I want to look like a tiger,"" hence the hat. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Oh. I gotta see this. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"No way. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Please. I bet it doesn't look that bad. I bet it looks grr-eat! " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"So, she says, changing the subject. Big date tonight. How does she rate on the Mosby checklist? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Kind of amazingly. Uh, she's 28, like me. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"Wow, I'm 28. Hmm. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Uh, college educated-- check. Plays tennis-- check. Uh, favorite book is Love in the Time of Cholera-- check. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"I read that. More like ""Love in the Time of Don't Bothera."" " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"You know, it's very rude to wear a hat indoors. I'm just saying. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"We're not indoors. We're in a van. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Vans have doors-- let me see your hair. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"Never. What else? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"She loves lasagna. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"Barf. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"You know, I am sensing a pattern here. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"What else? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Let's see what else... Oh, she doesn't look like a tiger-- check. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"And she's looking to get married and have kids? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Check and check. She wants two kids... a boy and a girl. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"Wow. You know, I've been thinking about this. I think I want to have zero kids. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Really? You don't want kids? " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"You know, Ted, not everyone is as much of a woman as you. Hey. I'm driving. Look at that. 8:56. You're early. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Hey, thanks for picking me up. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"Good luck on your date. I hope she's everything you're looking for. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Thanks. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"All right, you've clearly had a rough night. I want you to go in there with a smile on your face, so, uh, here's what I'm going to do. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"You're going to show me your hair? " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"Actually, I was going to show you my breasts, but... sure, we can do hair. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"You just made my night. " 1x21 - Milk,Robin,"Go. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Tomorrow morning, Barney's going to send out the package, and Butterfield's going to be knee-deep in angry white mice. Oh, hey, dude. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Hey, guys. " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Hi. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Hey. So, Lil, did you, uh, get the milk? " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Yeah. Yeah, I-I got it. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"You think you might want to... drink the milk? " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"No. Nope, I'm good. I don't need any milk. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Look, guys, I know milk is important-- it's got vitamin A, vitamin D, it's a great way to start the morning-- but Ted just had a huge date. How'd it go, dude? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"I didn't go. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"What? Why? " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"I changed my mind. I don't want to meet her. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Why? She sounds perfect. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"I don't want perfect. I want Robin. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Oh, God, not this again. Ted, it's a mistake. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Maybe. But it's a mistake I have to make. " 1x21 - Milk,Marshall,"Wrong. It's a mistake you don't have to make. Look at the evidence. You and Robin have tried this again and again... " 1x21 - Milk,Lily,"Ah, sweet damn, that's a hot plate. " 1x21 - Milk,Ted,"Hey, is this milk any good? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney,"...Dary! Legendary! Dude, I am so excited that you're single again. We're going to conquer New York City. I already have a girl from work lined up for you. Right boob bigger than the left boob, which some choose to look at as bra half empty. I choose to look at as bra half full. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," I dont' know... Robin and I broke up two weeks ago. I'm... I'm not ready. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," When will you be ready? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Ted Mosby, suit up, 'cause here's the plan. There's a Miss Nassau County pageant. We'll pretend to be judges and, yes, our votes are for sale. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," I'm not ready. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Finish line of a woman 10K. Salty girls on an endorphin high who just want to lie down. Yeah. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," I'm not ready. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Female acrobats from Montreal. Super flexible. We're going to get ""Cirque de So-Laid"". What up? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Barney, come on, we've covered this. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," Robin! " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," Hey, guys. I just got in last night. Um, uh, this is Gael. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Okay, I'm ready. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," I just can't believe her. We have this totally amicable split, everything's cool. And she comes back from vacation with THAT guy? You know what she's doing? She's trying to win the breakup. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," What do you mean ""Win the breakup"", old timey inventor. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," What our 21st president, Chester A. Arthur, is trying to say is that in every breakup there are winners and losers. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," It's not a competition. Now, your 80-day ballon race around the world, that was a competition. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," That's my wife. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Of course it's a competition, Lil. How else do you explain... what's his name? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," I'm sorry, Gayle? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Kyle? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Girl? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," It's pronounced ""guy-el"". " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," I'm sorry. So it's Gayle? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," What a jerk? I don't go to your stupid country and try to seduce woman with my sexy accent. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," That's a great point, Persian nightclub owner. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," And, oh, he is a masseuse. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," One time I used warm water to make a guy pee. Of course, I didn't make a career out of it. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," How? How would one do that exactly? Seriously, don't giggle. Tell me. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Not possible. You cannot have sex on a windsurfing board. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," How do you know? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Glad you asked Lily. I have crafted a list of every vehicle land-based, aquatic and airborne in which/on which it's possible to have sex. And of those 33 vehicles, I have had sex in/on 31. Windsurfing board, not on the list, not possible. Oh, P.S., in order to hit 33, all I need is bobsled and the Apollo 11 space capsule. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," To get that last one, you'd have to break into the Smithsonian. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," This conversation never happened. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," All right, you're suit up, I bearded down. Let's get out there and win this thing. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Yes! " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," You guys, have fun of your duble date. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," Oh, for the hundredth time, I'm sorry, there was a lull. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," Do you want to have diner with me? Uh, us? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," There was no lull. You just think he's incredibly hot. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," No, I don't!...Not incredibly. It's a little hard to believe how hot is he. But I mean, she isn't serious about him. The girl never marries the hot guy. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Well, you did. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," I'm one of the lucky few. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Lily, Ted is our best friend, so let's get something straight: Male Gayle is not hot. He's not our friend. Don't even look at him. Just... no eye contact. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," Hey, Robin. Gael. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," I just want to make sure you're okay with this. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," ""I just want to make sure you're okay with this""? Damn it! I can't believe she's the one that gest to say that. She's winning, isn't she? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Hum-hum. Not for long. Okay, pep talk. Take a knee. Ted, tonight, we're going to get you someone way hotter than Robin. Okay, Robin's a ten. Fine we'll get you a 12. Or, you know... two sixes. Failing that, four threes. And break glass in case of emergency we'll go the Staten Island, I'll get you 12 ones. Ted, my boy, I'm going to re-teach you... Ah. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Ted. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Barney. Ted, we are back. Up here. Up high. Fivin' it up five-style! " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," I'm sorry this is all so weird. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Weird? Why would it be weird? Because you used to date our best friend or because my wife thinks your new boyfriend is incredibly hot? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," I do not! Shut up! Oh, my God! " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," I just hope Ted's okay. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Hmm. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Gael, are you properly licensed massage therapist? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Are you legally certified by some type of gouverning entity? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Is the card laminated? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Covered in protective plastic. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Damn it! He checks out... " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Ted. Ted. Ted. Ted. Ted. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," What?!! " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Let's bail, this place is dead. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Yeah, you're right. We're both totally striking out. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Yes, exactly, plus, we're on a tight schedule. I've got the entire evening perfectly planned out... Spoiler alert: Our last stop is an after hours club so after hours, it's three days from now. What up? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Are you blind? I'm making out with a 12. I am winning. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Yeah. But I didn't get to help. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," So you're saying you want me to throw away a super hot girl just because you didn't help me get her? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Apology accepted. Let's go. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Hum. This is Barney. Barney, Amy. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," I'm not gonna remember that. Now, if you'll excuse me, random chick from earlier tonight, as you shall henceforth be known. Ted and I have a schedule to keep. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Wow. Wow. Great stuff, Tommy Lee. See what you don't understand is, I'm Ted wingman. It's a sacred bond, much stronger that any... They're making out again! " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Massage therapist. And you know what, ""Gayle""? Your piece of chicken looks a little tense to me. Oh, oh, does that feel good, Mr. Chicken? Well, guess what? I didn't wash my hands. Got him. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Lily?! " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," Oh, I forgive you, Mom. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Lily, we are Ted's best friends. Our job is to hate that guy. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," Oh, yeah, that's what I was doing. I was building him up so few minutes later, I could totally cut him down. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Weren't you wearing a bra? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," They know us here! You're gonna get us in trouble. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," You... your vagina... Ted, this chick is crazy. We're leaving. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Your place? Thanks, but no thanks, 1994 Courtney Love. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Okay, this place is actually pretty nice. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," I like your tatts. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," No, your tatts... toos. Your tattoos. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Wrong. Ted has a classic clean-cut look that never goes out of style season after season, burn. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," No, he wouldn't. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," No, he wouldn't. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Nuh-uh. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Ted. Who are you gonna side with on this tattoos thing? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," I think I'd look way hot with some ink. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Yeah. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Unfair? I wouldn't let you take care of the imaginary kids I make up to score with single moms. That's it Ted, we're going home. Ted? Ted, you okay? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," And I just want to make sure you're okay with this. Okay, how do we do this? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," Okay, how 'bout if I, um... " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," I'm okay. In fact, here's how okay I am. I'm gettin' a tattoo. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," You're not getting a tattoo. It's not you. Ted, you are heading down a dark path. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," That dark path is my driveway. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," But you need a plan and you need a wingman! " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," This is so going in my blog! " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Okay. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," And underneath, it should say ""I win"". And then it should have flames coming out the bottom. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," After this maybe. Oh, man, this is going to be legen... wait for it... " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Hey, buddy, how was your night? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," You know, it was great. I met this crazy girl, I almost got a tattoo. Don't worry, I didn't. But it was... It was amazing. I think it's safe to say, I am winning this breakup. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," Look. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Oh my God! " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," What? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Nothing. This J. Crew catalog. Who brings two golden retrievers in a canoe? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," We've gotta call Barney. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Way ahead of you. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Hey, guys, what's the big emergency? Oh and B the W: I am never speaking to Ted again. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," Hum. Really, never? Not even if, say, butterflies flew out of his ass? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," What? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Hum. Ted? Could you grab me the fondue pot? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," He has no idea. And up we go. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Thank you. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Hum. Hum. What? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Ted? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Hmm? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," I came here this morning because... I want to apologize. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Apology accepted, Barney. As you can see, I do just fine on my own. I don't need a baby-sitter. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," See. All this time, I thought you need a wingman to fly, but the truth is you... you've got your own wings now. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Hmm. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Since you and Robin split, you've been gestating. Growing in your cocoon. And last night... you burst out of that cocoon..., like a majestic, uh... gosh, what is it that comes out of a cocoon? I was always bad at science. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," He's gonna say it. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," A butterfly? What? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Nothing, buddy. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Ow. Why did that hurt so...? Oh my God! I have a tattoo. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Oh, that's not a tattoo. That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Tramp stamp? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," You know, a ho tat. Ass antlers. A Panama City license plate. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted,"...Dary. Legendary! Man, I am so winning this breakup. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," What a wuss. Do you think exes can be friends? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Hey, your name is Steve. And her ex-boyfriend's name is Steve. What are the odds of that...? Wait. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," No no no no no no no. Give me this. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Oh, yeah, that'll get it out. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Maybe you should try club soda. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Oh, damn it, it really hurts. I need like, some ointment or something. What is this? Spanish massage oil. Spanish massage oil? What happened here last night? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Last night got weird. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Think I just got over being chunky in the ninth grade. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," I am beautiful. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," We're sorry, Ted. It'll never happen again. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," It meant nothing to us. It just felt really really really good. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," I can't even look at you two right now. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Ted. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Lily," He got a tramp stamp. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," All right, first of all, this isn't one of those, ""I came all the way over here because I want you back"" things. There'll be no startling confession of love, no sweet indie rock song that swells up just as we're about to kiss, none of that crap. Got it? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," Okay. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Good. Now, here's the thing. It sucks that you came back from Argentina with someone as awesome as Gael. And I know I have no right to be upset at you. We're broken up, life goes on, whatever. But you know what? We-we never did this. We-we had this polite breakup with no irrational yelling and that's just wrong. So I'm gonna yell irrationally for a while and you're just gonna have to stand there and deal with it, okay? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," If you feel like you need to do that, then... " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," I think I do! I really think I do! So now, I'm yelling! " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," You shaved. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," I did. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," I like the beard. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," I liked it too, but it was getting kind of hot. Maybe in the winter, I'll grow it back out! Okay, I'm done. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," I know it was weird showing up with Gael. I'm sorry. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Look, us breaking up, it was the right thing. But it took some time to get over you, you know? I-I'm still getting over you. But you, you were over it the minute they started the in-flight movie. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," Over it? My first three days in Argentina, I cried my eyes out. I missed you so much. I wanted to go and prove how adventurous I am, but the truth is, it was really lonely. And that's why Gael happened. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," You weren't trying to win the break-up? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," I was trying to survive it. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Okay. No. See, look, that all sounds good, and we'll still be friends and move on, but..., did he have to be so hot? The guy's an Adonis. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," He's not an Adonis. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," He's the Cadillac of rebound guys. Marshall has a crush on him. The guy's perfect. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," He's not perfect. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Oh, come on. He's hot, he windsurfs, he massages things. Name one way I'm better than that guy. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," ""You're bigger"". " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," Don't patronize me. If anything, he may even be a little bit taller. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Robin," No, Ted... ""you're bigger"". " 3x01 - Wait for It,Ted," I win! " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," Go for Barney. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Hey, man. It's Marshall. Check your e-mail. Sent you something. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," What is it? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Marshall," Just a new website. Slapcountdown.com. " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," What does this mean? Marshall? Ma...? " 3x01 - Wait for It,Barney," No. No! " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Marshall, you're on beer detail. Lily, you're making the bean dip. Uh, Robin, you're on chips and pretzels, and Barney, I'm giving you nothing to do so you can just focus on controlling your gambling problem. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"""Problem."" Oh, poor Superman, he should really do something about his flying problem. It's not a problem if you're awesome at it. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"And I will be going to Quinn's to pick up the world's greatest food, the Super Bowl Hot Wings Platter. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"If I were a chicken, I'd go cannibal for those bad boys. Just eat my own damn wing off. I don't care. I'm crazy like that. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"What's tomorrow night? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"Oh, my God. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Oh, my gosh. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Who was Mark? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"No idea. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Not a clue. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"Well, I guess we should go, right? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Wait... tomorrow night at 6:00, that's the Super Bowl. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Okay, I feel terrible, but the truth is we didn't know Mike. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"Mark. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Mark, and as long as we send flowers, I can't think of any reason we'd have to " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Okay, here's the planrecord the game, go to the funeral, pay our respects to Matt... " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"Mark. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Mark, and start watching only an hour late. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Okay, that's great, but just to make sure it records, maybe we should bow our heads and say a quiet prayer to the TiVo gods. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Almighty TiVo, we thank you for all the gifts you have given usthe power to freeze live TV to go take a leak is nothing short of Godlike. Let's not forget fast-forwarding through commercials. It seems greedy to ask anything more from you, O magic box, but if you malfunction and miss the Super Bowl, we will destroy you in the " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Amen. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Amen. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"We are not fast-forwarding through the commercials. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"Yeah, they're the best part. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Oh, come on. Remember last year? Who wants to watch a monkey in a coconut bra order a pizza? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"Oh, my God. This monkey was so cute. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Seriously, that's the last time I'm gonna call you today. Okay. Good-bye. You didn't hang up either! I know! You hang up! You hang up! My bookie. Great guy. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"So let me get this straight. A funeral is the one time you don't suit up? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Have I taught you nothing, Ted? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Virtually. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Sartorial""? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"""Of or pertaining to tailors or their trade."" Suits are for the living. That's why when it's my time to R.I.P. I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it buck naked. Yeah. It's gonna be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies. What up?! " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Such a waste. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"I know. He was so young. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"A hand-stitched, cashmere, double-breasted Dolce & Gabbana. It must be so frightened. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"This is going faster than I thought. We'll make an appearance at the bar for the wake, we'll be watching the game by 8:00. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Dibs on the one Carl just told. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"Okay, I have to be at work exactly one Super Bowl from now. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"Oh, let's face it, we're not going to get to watch it. We should just find out the score. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Oh, thank God! I'll find out. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"No, no, no, we can't! We have to watch the game together. It's tradition. Think of all the great times we've had watching this game. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Second down, everyone drink. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Ted, it's not a drinking game if you drink anytime anything happens. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Are these chicken wings or angel wings? God, I love these things. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"I love you guys. This is so great, all of us watching the Super Bowl together. This is special. We need to do this every year, promise me! " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Calm down, buddy. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"Oh, commercials! " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Everyone drink! " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"God, this is such a great tradition, all of us watching the game together. How did this start? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Hey, Barney, I bet you 20 bucks that Casey misses this field goal. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"I don't bet. Betting's for suckers. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall," Make it like a dollar or something, you know. Who cares? No big deal. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Fine. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"See, there you go, he made it. You win. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Wait. This is mine, just like that? God, that feels good. No, that feels really... good. What else can we bet on? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Nothing, it's the halftime show. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"Oh, so lame. Nobody even pays attention. I mean, Janet Jackson, who cares? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"God, how cool is Robin? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"I can't believe you invited this girl we've only known for a few months to our sacred day. Now she's gonna be in all the pictures. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll give you the Seahawks plus six points for 500 bucks. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Are you crazy? Maybe for $50. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"$50?! What fun is $50?! Why don't we just bet air?! God, Marshall! Okay, $50. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"Hey, I'll take that action. Seahawks, but make it four points and make it a grand. Hey, these wings, are they chicken wings or angel wings? Oh, commercials! Monkey with a coconut bra. Hilarious. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Look, we always watch the Super Bowl together. So we make a pact to watch it tomorrow at 6:00 and go the next 18 hours without finding out who won. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"That's impossible. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"I'm not gonna lie to you. It's not gonna be easy. That means no TV, no Internet, no newspapers, nothing. Media blackout. But our tradition lives on. Who's in? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"I'm in. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"I'm in. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"I'm in. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"What the hell, I'm in. High five! " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Dude, we're at a wake. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Sorry. Solemn low five. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Hey, take this key and swallow it. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"What? No. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Come on, Ted, you eat salads. It'll be out by game time. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Lots more, no. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"I'm not messing around, Theodore. I've got a lot of money riding on this game. If I don't handcuff myself to this radiator, I'll check the score. Please take the key. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Fine. But only because you didn't think through a bathroom plan and I think that's funny. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"But unfortunately, the City won't be fixing the unusually large pothole any time soon, so buckle up if you're on the BQE. It's gonna be a bumpy one. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"No! " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"No. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"No, it's not. It's time for Weather. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"Well, weather's pretty fickle, it may have changed. What's it doing out there, Lou? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"No! Let's go to Traffic Todd in the Metro News 1 Gridlock Chopper. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"And he's a little bit double-jointed... And his favorite animal is the Loch Ness monster. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Lily, how many times...? Nessie is a gentle creature. We're trying to stay away from terms like ""Monster."" " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"Well, I think we can all agree, he is much more interesting than Sally's one-eyed goldfish. Three weeks in a row? Come on, Sally. Okay, well, that's all the time we have. Arts and crafts, everybody. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Oh, hey, I'm Marshall. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Yeah, I'm actually trying to hide out 'cause I don't want to know who won the Super Bowl. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Oh, um, that's great, but I really don't want to know, so if you could just keep that to yourself. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Excuse me? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Are you serious? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Unlock me, Ted. I've never gone this long without calling my bookie. He worries. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Not until game time. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Where are you going? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Pick up the hot wings. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"What? How the hell are you planning on getting in and out of a sports bar without seeing the score? There's TVs everywhere. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Ah, don't worry. I got it all planned out. First of allI placed duct tape on a pair of sunglasses so I can only see out of two tiny holes. Next, I constructed blinders out of an old cereal box. Top it all offhigh-tech noise-reducing headphones I bought when Marshall and Lily first got back together and were doing it a lot. I call it the Sensory Deprivator 5000. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Hello! Uh, my name is Ted Mosby. I'm here to pick up my hot wings. In my hand, you'll find the exact total for the wings plus a generous tip. Please take the cash. Put the wings in my hand and I'll be on my way. Thank you! " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"I'm sorry. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"I haven't watched the game yet. I'm begging you, for the rest of the newscast there can't be any references to who won the Super Bowl. I mean, change the teleprompter. No team names, nothing specific. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"My friend Mark passed away this week. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"It's just so hard. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Ha! Who's the idiot now?! You said the Sensory Deprivator 5000 was stupid. But it totally worked! " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Where's the dipping sauce? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Come on, dude. You promised you'd stop if I ate all those crayons. Why are you doing this? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Well, you can't have Miss Aldrin, she's mine. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"Okay, now who did this? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"I did. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"Well, Marshall's a grownup, so... " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"Sorry. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"And after the Super Bowl, the mayor of the losing team's city had to pay up, sending the mayor of the winning team's city 15 pounds of a delicacy his of her city is famous for. Better fire up whatever type of grill, steamer or fryer one might use to cook that delicacy, Winning Team's Mayor. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"I'm not talking to you. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"I'm not holding my breath. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Oh, no. Somebody wet their pants. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Oh, really? Who's everyone gonna believe? I'm a grownup third-year law student at Columbia and you're just a little pants wetter. So now I ask you a questionYou want to be able to quietly sneak off to the restroom and dry off or am I gonna have something for show and tell today? Hey, everyone... " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"I want my money back. And your pudding snack pack. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Sir, who won the Super Bowl? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"You missed...?! How could he miss...? Excuse me! Who won the Super Bowl?! " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Oh, my...! Emmitt Smith! Oh, thank God. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"You got to tell me, who won the Super Bowl? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"But you're Emmitt Smith. You're a football player, it's Super Bowl Sunday. What could possibly be more important than football?! " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"No...! " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Hello! It's me again. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Yeah, you forgot to give me the dipping sauce! Ah. Yes. This is the one. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"And let's end the day on a happy note. There is a new arrival at the Bronx Zoo. Trish Sanchez has the story. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"No...! " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Yes...! " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Awesome. Just in time for kick-off. None of you guys found out the score, right? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"Mission accomplished. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"Didn't find out. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Great. Let's do it. I already fast-forwarded through the four hours of pre-game coverage. So we are ready. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Don't worry, I'm not going to give anything away. Feel free to start without me. Ah...! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! So much money! You screwed it up, Barney! You screwed everything up! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Okay, let's watch the game. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Barney, what the hell was that? We know who you bet on. Now you've ruined the game for everyone. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"Yeah. Thanks a lot, Barney. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"Way to blow it. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Yeah, I didn't know and now I do know. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"There's no point in even watching the game. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"Well, at least the commercials aren't ruined. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Wings are still good. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"Beer still works. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"Ah, what the hell. Let's watch Barney lose some money. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Marshall,"Hey, so check this outI got extorted by a five-year-old today. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Robin,"I almost got fired today. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"I met Emmitt Smith today. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily,"Ooh, you go first. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted," I " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Lily," Yeah " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Well, I was frantically running down the street trying to find out the score to the game... " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"I didn't only lose the game, I lost every single prop bet. Total penalty yardage, number of replay-challenges, coin toss... What are the odds of losing the coin toss? " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Ted,"50-50, give or take. " 2x14 - Monday Night Football,Barney,"Interceptions, field-goals, total sacks, whether or not there'd be a safety, first... " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Okay. All-night rave, abandoned tire factory in Newark. We're on the list. Who's in? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"- Nope. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"- No. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Private jet. Teeterboro Airport, skinny-skydiving. Who's in? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"- Nope. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"- No, thanks. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"One beer. Bar, downstairs, 15 second walk. Who's in? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"Shh... Lily went sleepy-bye. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney," " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Yes. And do you know why? Hang on to your bedsores, grandparents from Willy Wonka, because guess who's on his way up to this apartment right now? My... wait for it... brother, James. React. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"- You have a brother? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"- Yeah. He's the awesome-est, most best looking-est, greatest guy ever. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily,"He's exactly like Barney. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"That's what I just said. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"Well, Barney and his brother aren't exactly alike. James is gay. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"Really? I never in a million years would I picture you with a gay brother, that's awesome. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"Yeah. I just wanted you to have a heads up, so you don't act all surprised when he gets here. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Here he is. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"Thanks for the heads up. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"How in God's name did it never come up that Barney has a gay, black brother? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"Is he black? I guess I'm the kind of person that focuses on who people are on the inside rather than the color of their skin. I'm kidding, I just wanted to see your face. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"Yeah, so now the wedding's back on. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily,"Anyway, James, how have you been? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Is ""gimme five"" back? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Guys, ""gimme five"" is back! " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"Oh, James, this is my girlfriend, Robin. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"- Hey. It's so nice to meet you. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"So, I have to ask, there's a story here. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"So what are you guys gonna do tonight? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"I'll tell you what James is gonna do. He's gonna do the job you've been neglecting. And, as always, he'll do it a lot better than you ever did. Ted... James is my wingman now. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"Okay. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"Last time James was in town, Barney got slapped once, lucky twice, and... whose penthouse hot tub did you end up in? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily,"And then there was the time they scored the brother/sister combo. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"It was everything we ever dreamed of when watching Donnie and Marie. She was a little bit country. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Help, I don't think he's breathing. Does anyone know mouth-to-mouth? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney," " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Oh, man, I am so excited that you're here! It has been forever since I have been around anyone even remotely fun. Uh, yes offense. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"- No. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily,"- Jammies. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"Tonight? It's after 9:00 and...I have warm soup belly. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Daddy's home! Yeah. All right, bro. What do you like? Guy in super tight black T? Super tight black guy? Guy who looks like Mr. T? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"I'm feeling lazy. How 'bout girl with the chocolatini? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney," - " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney," - " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney," - " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Let me know if he bothers you again. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Sure. If it'll make you feel safer. I'm Barney. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"- Boiling hot. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Have you met my brother? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Oh, hello. Have a drink. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily,"I miss my jammies. I can't believe I wore a bra for this. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"Bras suck. They're so confining and unnatural. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily,"Yeah, they're like a boobie zoo. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily,"Oh, please go sweat on someone else. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"Poor guy. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily,"Poor guy? Poor my boobs. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"Well, it takes a lot of guts to approach a girl and you just crushed him. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily,"Oh, yeah, yeah. He looks all broken up inside. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"Whatever, you guys have no idea what it's like to be on the receiving end. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"""Oh, poor me. I'm a pretty girl and everybody everywhere wants to buy me drinks and have sex with me."" Waa. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"""Oh, poor me. I get to order yummy, pink drinks with chunks of real fruit that guys secretly like, but can't order because they'll be made fun of."" " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted," - " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"- They're delicious! " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily,"You know, that was, like, the third hot guy that James blew off tonight. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"Yeah, he's turning down shots, he's yawning, he's whining about his feet. He's as bad as we are. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"He is. Wait, he's exactly as bad as we are. You guys don't think that James is... in a relationship? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"No. There's no way. He's Barney's brother. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"Look at that. He's texting! " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"Oh, my God! He is in a couple. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily,"This is gonna k*ll Barney. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"What's gonna k*ll me? What's going on? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"B-Barney? Have you noticed anything...different about James? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"No. I mean, he's glowing from his peel, if that's what you mean. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"We have reason to believe that James is, uh, maybe hiding something from you. I-I know you're not gonna like hearing this, but... Barney... your brother is...monogamous. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"That's ridiculous! Just because he's a little sleepy, and he hasn't had sex with anyone in a bathroom stall... He hasn't had sex with anyone in a bathroom stall. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"And, Barney... I hate to be the one to tell you this, but... he's texting. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"No, he... No! That... is impossible. Excuse... Excuse... Ex... " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Don't change the subject. Let me see your phone. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"I just want to see your phone. Let me see your phone. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"I got... Who is this? And the answer better be""I don't remember his name."" " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"I don't support this. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Not gay marriage-- marriage! How can you do this?We were raised in the same house, with the same values! " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Oh, God. Is that what you two do together? You sit around the house and talk about love? I think... I'm gonna be sick. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"What? No way. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Oh, it's a freaking epidemic. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily,"Oh, sweetie! Did you make that for me? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"Yes. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Clam Bake. Staten Island. Who's in? Okay, I didn't have high hopes for that one. Okay, here's my thing. If gay guys start getting married, then suddenly the whole world's gonna be doing it. That's how it works. They start something, then six months later, everyone follows. Like now everyone gets manicures. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"I don't get manicures. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Okay, then like how... Like getting your chest waxed. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily,"You get your chest waxed? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"You know what I mean! Gay marriage is going to cause single life, as we know it, to die out. Think of how the American family will be strengthened. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"Barney, I'm sorry you're upset, but you got to suck it up and be a man about this. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"No. It's always been me and him together, being awesome, while the rest of you walked two-by-two onto your ark of sexless boredom. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall," Just because James is getting married doesn't mean things are going to change. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Yeah. Like things haven't changed with you people. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"Look, my sister married a guy I didn't like. Sandals and socks--come on, buddy. But I took her out, we celebrated. It was the right thing to do. You got to support him. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"You're right, Ted. This is a cause for celebration. We need to take him out and celebrate the commitment he and Tom are about to make. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"What? Yeah! See, that cage represents your commitment. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"Oh, my God. Freedom has never tasted so delicious. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"I do. And thank you for noticing. You're obviously in very good shape yourself. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"You know what? I'm very flattered, and, objectively, you're a very attractive man, but this is actually my fiancée. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"No, no, this isn't my drink. This is hers. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily,"No, it isn't. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"Oh, I'm straight, too. But I thank you for your time, and I appreciate your interest in my body. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"You see that? Being hit on doesn't have to be terrible. I feel flattered, and everyone left with their dignity. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"Wow. You actually do, don't you? You're not checking out my boobs or anything. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"I love this place! Let's dance! " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily," " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"- Whoo! Thank you. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"- Thank you! " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"- We're hot. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"- Totally. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Sounds like you really rocked that arts and crafts fair. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"And I cannot wait for you to meet my good friend... this guy. Excuse me, do you know anyone who would like to buy my incredibly muscular, fun, large-handed brother a drink? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Okay, I'm in. Which one am I? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"He's very shy, loves tennis and Brazil, and drops his pants after three dirty martinis. Now go, man, go! " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"I just never thought I'd see Barney so vulnerable. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"Well, I guess no one wants to feel like they're going through the world alone. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"Okay, we're actually right in the middle of something right now, so... " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"God, can't two straight guys come to a gay dance club, enjoy some techno and good conversation without being bothered? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"How's it going, guys? Still enjoying the attentions of men? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"That's like the eighth guy who's hit on us in ten minutes. It's like, hello, " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"And it's never the hot ones. It's always the losers. Bums me out! " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily,"Looks like the boys learned their lesson. Do you totally miss being hit on? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"Oh, totally. Let's go find a sports bar. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"James, James, since you like arts and crafts, look at what Charles here made with cherry stems. He did it with his tongue. Yeah. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"So, Charles, why don't you put your number in my brother's phone, and once he's in a funner mood... " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Oh, so now it's my way of life? I thought it was our way of life. You've completely turned your back on it. Look at you, not even suited up. Do you remember why we suit up, James? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"To show people that we are different from the millions of T-shirt and jeans lemmings out there. The suit shows that we are a force to be reckoned with, a two-person army that plays by its own rules. But you've taken off the uniform, you've crossed enemy lines, and you've abandoned me. Well, I'm not gonna let you do that. It's not too late to back out of this stupid marriage thing! You don't have to do this, bro! " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"- Why?! " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"What? There's gonna be a baby? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney," Oh, my God. I'm gonna be an uncle? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"To James and Tom. May you have a long and happy life together. And may I always have the skin and libido of a much younger man.- Cheers. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Thanks. I decided to leave out the hetero college phase. No one wants to " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily,"It was perfect. You even made Tom's dad cry. Might have been doing that because he's a Republican. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"Whoa. It's 9:00. We should be getting back. You guys want to split a cab? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Ted,"Uh, no, I think I'm gonna stay a little bit longer. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Robin,"Yeah, me, too. I'm not tired at all. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Marshall,"All right, well, it's getting late. Got to get the wife home. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Lily,"Oh, stop calling me that. It makes me sound fat. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Ugh, it's a freaking epidemic. " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"- May I? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Hey, buddy. Your parents are married. Now, listen, you. Just because you're being raised by married people doesn't mean you have to choose that lifestyle. High-five. Luckily, you got me. In 20 and a half years, you'll be 21, and I will be... Well, I haven't decided how old I'll be yet. But we are gonna bro out, uncle and nephew style. Stick with me, kid. I am gonna teach you how to live. Great suit, by the way. Who is the cutest? " 2x10 - Single Stamina,Barney,"Rosa, why always be attracted to the unavailable ones? Why not accept the fact that you're a beautiful woman who is worthy of love? Are you brave enough to hear that? You... " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," oh, that's not a tattoo. That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp! " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," a tramp stamp?! " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," Say goodbye, kids, 'cause it won't be around much longer. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," oh, but Ted, if you get rid of the butterfly, how's everyone gonna know you're a stripper fron reno with daddy issues? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," yes, yes, enjoy these final moments of mockery because in just ten surprisingly expensive sessions, Stella is gonna zap that butterfly right off the face of my lower back. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," Stella? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," Dr Stella Zinman. She's the best in the business. And she's rather cute in fact. In fact... we're going to a movie together tonight. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," what? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," I asked her out. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," what's matter with you? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," What? What do you mean? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Dude... don't poop where you eat. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," oh, no, this doesn't count. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," If it's someone you see on a regular basis, and you can't avoid them... " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," and in this case, you're paying them... then yes, it counts. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," You've heard of the golden rule, right? ""love their neighbor?"" " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," uh, actually, it's ""do unto others as you would have them do unto you."" It's from the bible. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Damn it Ted, i've worked out this whole thing where the golden rule is ""love thy neighbor"", ok?... Now the golden rule is ""love thy neigbor"". But, there's one rule above it: the platinum rule: ""never ever, ever, ever, love thy neighbor."" " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," Well, that's cute. But she's not my neighbor, she's my doctor. So if you'll excuse me... " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," Wait, Ted, Barney has a point. Remember what happened with me and curt down at the station? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," Oh, yeah, and remember what happened with us and the gerards across the hall? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Need i remind you about me and Wendy the waitress? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," good, then we've got a solid half hour. And in that time, we will convince you not to set foot out that door. It's a story older than time, my friend, and it always plays out in the same eight steps. Step 1: Attraction. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," It's true. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," That's not even possible. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," 12 of them. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," There's no way. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Thanks. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," Oh, hi, welcome to the building. Yeah. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," We love brunch! " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," yeah! " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," Oh, welcome. You look really familiar. Are you a former athlete? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," But you know better. You've seen your friends make the same mistakes before. You've laughed smugly at them. Idiots! But still, you think, ""this is different. The platinum rule doesn't apply to me."" And that step 2! Bargaining. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," I think i've got a little crush on our sports guy. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," I know, i know but he used to play hockey, and i'm canadian. I can't help it. If he were missing some teeth, i probably would have already hit that. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," Robin, it's a mistake. Remember what happened with me and Marshall? The Gerards across the hall? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," Michael and LAura. They're awesome. We're gonna invite them over for dinner. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," This is NYC.You don't get close to the neighbors. You nod at them politely in the hall. You call the cops if you haven't seen them in a while and you smell something funny, and that is it. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," we're not gonna date them. We're just gonna be friends with them. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," That's the couples version of dating. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," And you've got the couples version of the hots for them. Oh, yeah, you want to browse at pottery barn with them. You want to go antiquing with them, don't you? Oh, yeah, you want to antique the crap out of them. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Need i remind you what happened with me and Wendy the waitress? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," I've decided to seduce Wendy the waitress. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Request denied! What rule is there that say's i can't seduce the waitress at my favorite bar? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," I don't know. I'd expect you to have one already. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," Yeah, with some sort of catchy name. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Well, i don't. I don't have one and i never will be because it's a great idea. Come on, guys! She's gullible. I'm bored. We're perfect for each other. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," Barney, we love this bar. If you screxw over Wendy the waitress, you're going to k*ll the bar. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," Bar k*ll. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," Don't k*ll the bar, dude. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," yeah, well... I think it'll be okay. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," yeah, well, i think it'll be okay. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," yeah, well... I think it'll be okay. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," And it was a huge mistake. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," yeah, well... I think it'll be okay. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Ted, trust me. You don't want to do this. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," Look, Stella and i are adults; we're both smart, mature people capable of making good decisions. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," You have a butterfly tramp stamp. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," We're just seeing a movie. If it seems at all weird, i'll back off. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," That's what everyone thinks and then along comes step 3: Submission. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Good night! " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Not at all. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," Want to have dinner with us tonight? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Club soda can get anything off. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," hey, can i get a gin and tonic? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," See, i bet you didn't pay for that gin and tonic. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," oh, i paid for it. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," But you got to admit, there is an upside to breaking the platinum rule. Like maybe as her boyfrien, i could get a discount on treatments. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Oh, Ted, of course there's an upside. At first, that's step 4: Perks. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," we can split a cab to work together. We always have a standing lunch date. And last night, at the hockey game, Curt got us into the locker room, and i met Mason Raymond. Left wing for the Vancouver canucks. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," What the opposite of name-dropping? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," Damn it you guys, be psyched. Yes, we see each other every day, but i think it's going really well. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," That's what we thought. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," And it's so conveniant. They're right across the hall. Say it's sunday and we want to have a brunch double date with someone. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," We just go across the hall. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," And say we want to have a dinner party exploring the wine and cuisine of France's Loire Valley. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," We just go across the hall. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," Say we want to play a game of charades... " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," Come on people, get excited for us! We've got a great thing going here. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," That's what i thought. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," Dude, you got to flick it. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," you don't have... " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Come on, guys, free nachos. What? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," We like this bar. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," Don't k*ll the bar, dude. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," Barney, we love this bar. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," Don't k*ll the bar, dude. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," This bar is like home to us. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," You're k*ll the bar. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," I'm not k*ll the bar. Wendy the waitress has seen how i operate in this place. It is perfectly clear to everyone involved that this is nothing more than a temporary fling. It's fiiine. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," It's fine. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," It's fine. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," But it wasn't. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Which brings us to step 5: THE TIPPING POINT. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," Thanks iron man we'll be right back. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," So you want to do something later? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," What are you talking about? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," oh, um, i'm sorry, i-i guess i just forgot. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," on my suggestion, you... " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," hey, Wendy, uh, do me a favor and send a glass of champagne to that pretty young girl over there. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," over there... YOU... you're the pretty young thing...is what i meant. Champagne? Would you? on me. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," okay. All right. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," um, well, we actually have tickets... " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," Dude, actually, we made other plans, so... okay one word. 2 syllables. Sounds like... parades: charades. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," which brings to step 6. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," Yeah, listen i'm leaving so if you want to write the rest of these down, i will read it tomorrow. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Don't do this Ted. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," You want to get out of the way? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," Don't do this Ted. Don't " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," Dude! ya! It was perfect! You're such a jerk! " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Which brings us to step 6. You finally realize you've made a huge mistake and now you have to live with it. Step 6 is called purg... wait for it. Keep waiting. Keep waiting for the eternity only to dicover there's no escap-atory. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," God, i'm such an idiot. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," yeah. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," Curt ""the iron man"" irons keeps leaving me love notes on post-its. On the teleprompter, on my desk, on the coffee-maker, on the jar of sugar packets next to the coffee-maker. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," The iron man. oh! " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," I remember that. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," Ro! we are such idiots! " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Yeah! " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," Every time we step out the door, they're out there waiting for us. Sometimes, we'll send Ted out first as a scout. Nobody's there. Then we'll go out one second later, and there they are. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," It's freakin' supernatural. Are they ghosts? Can only we see them? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," ""Hey neighbor!"" ""Hey, neighbor""""Hey neighbor."" " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," I remember that. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," How could you guys let me date Wendy the waitress? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," Don't k*ll the bar dude! " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," tss " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," You've got a whole meat locker at home full of corpses, don't you? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Now look at me. Declawed. Neutered. What was once my jungle is now my zoo and i am forced to mate with the same old lioness again, and again, and again while families pay to watch. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," yeah, this metaphor's really falling apart. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Put a bell around my neck and scratch my belly kids, for i am just a docile housecat now. Miaou! " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," Well, we love this bar. You can't dump her. Marry her if you have to. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," Wendy the waitress hyphen Stinson. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," don't k*ll the bar dude. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," And so, inevitably, you have to do the thing you've been dreading all along. Now, a relationship-ectomy is a delicate surgery as it is, but in the case of the platinum rule, it takes a very, very steady hand, and that's step 7: CONFRONTATION. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," Curt, we need to talk. I like you... " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," guys, we like you a lot... " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," I don't like you. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," We're pretending this works, but it doesn't. And i'm getting a little sick of the whole charade. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," We're getting a little sick of charades. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," I mean, i don't like you that way. I used to like you that way but now that i've seen everything there is to see, i don't know, i kind of want to see those same parts just on other girls. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," So maybe we could go back to just being coworkers. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," Maybe we should just go back to being neighbors. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," other girls and you, if you're into that but the other girls have to be there, too. That's the important part. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," or that. Let's say it's that. So can i get a gin and tonic? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," And in any other relationship, that would be it. End of story. But because you have to see this person again, there's a step 8: FALLOUT. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," And now, here's Curt ""the iron man"" irons with sports. Curt? Curt? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," Uh, well, their perimeter sh**ting has been a little bit off this season... " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," And that's sports. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," Do you see anything? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," I think we're clear. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," ok go go go. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," That was close. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," Too close. You've got to be kidding me. What do we do? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," I have no idea. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," guys, are you here? I forgot my keys. Can you open up? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," It's just Ted! " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," Wait! " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," Hello? Guys? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," Baby, we only have one choice. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," Okay, hurry! Michael and Laura are probably... " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Thanks Wendy. Of course we can. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," waouh. I've got to hand it to Wendy the waitress that was very mature of her. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," She's gonna try to k*ll me. This is poisoned. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," What? You're being ridiculous. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Yours is poisoned too. She's trying to k*ll me and everyone close to me. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," What are you talking about? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Ted! Look at the facts. I dump her and she says ""no hard feelings"". She's a psycho! What other explanation is there? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," Uh, that you're letting yourself believe she's crazy so you don't have to face the far more likely possibility that she doesn't want to date you either? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Where did Marshall get that hamburger? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," I don't know, i guess Wendy the Waitress brought it to him. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," Dude. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," You're welcome. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," Wait a second. You've been sitting here, pretending to be the expert on all this, but the truth is, this was no real fallout from your breakup at all? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Yet. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," You're an idiot. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," All right, i'm taking off. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," What? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," I have a date. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," You're such a jerk! " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Ted, have you not been listening? Attraction, bargaining, submission, perks, tipping point, purgatory, confrontation, fallout! These things will all happen to you as surely as they happened to all of us! It's a rule of nature. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," Well, i'm sick of all the rules! There's too many of them! The hot/crazy scale, the lemon law, the platinum rule! If everyone in the world followed every one of your rules, the human race would cease to exist. Yes chances are to Stella and I are not going to live happily ever after the overwhelming odds have it ending badly. And when that happens, it'll be for one of a million possible reasons. But that doesn't mean i'm not gonna try. And when it does fail, so help me god, it's not gonna be because of some rule. PS: you just made my hair look awesome. Good night. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," So what do you mean ""it wasn't a date""? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," She thought we were seeing a movie just as friends. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," Why would she think that? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," Did she see your tattoo and assume you were gay? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," Apparently, there's a rule that says i can't date Stella. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Exactly, the platinum rule. Stella reads my blog. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," No, this rule comes from the american medical association. Doctors aren't legally allowed to date their patients. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," Oh, sorry Ted. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Ted," It's okay. What are you guys watching? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Robin," Thanks for watching. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Lily," So what do you guys have going on tonight? " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Marshall," Have fun. " 3x11 - The Platinum Rule,Barney," Thanks. Crazy! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"They have to come out soon, it's Monday. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Do you think they've been in there the whole time? I don't know whether to be proud or concerned. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Maybe they're not even in there. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"Hey, guys. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Thank you! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"I wish you could stay. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"Call you afterwards? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"Bye. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Two days straight?! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Wow, your room must smell like a monkey cage! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Come on, give us a number. Lily guessed eight, but I know my boy got to double digits. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"Zero. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"What? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"What? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"Guys, we just met. And we both screwed up relationships in the past by jumping in too quick, so we talked about it, and we decided to take this one slow. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Her idea. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"Totally her idea! But, I don't know, I'm really into this girl, and if going slow is what it takes to make this happen, I say bring it on. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"I don't feel so good. t's like my testicles mixed pop rocks and soda. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"I can't believe she's making you wait a whole month. I would never put up with that. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"You've only had sex with one girl in your whole life. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Burn! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Ted, the only reason to wait a month for sex is if the girl is 17 years, 11 months old. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Good newsI don't have to cover the cat show tomorrow night. Who's up for hanging out? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"Oh, I can't, I'm taking Victoria out for dinner. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"No, no, we can't, it's our nine-year anniversary. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Wow, nine years? Your relationship's a fourth grader. Congrats. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Thanks. We're going to the Berkshires for the maple syrup harvest. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"It's one of New York Magazine's ""Top five romantic getaways on a budget."" Who says sexual can't be sensible? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Well, looks like it's going to be just you and me. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Really? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Actually, I was talking to my martini. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Ready to go? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Hell, yeah. Nothing better than a weekend at a good bed and breakfast. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Yeah. Waking up for breakfast at 7:00 A.M....Sharp. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Complimenting the odors and their collection of needle-point geese. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Awkward conversations with middle-aged couples trying to stave off divorce. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Yeah, well, we'd better get going, it's like a four-hour drive. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"And it's supposed to rain tonight. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Or we could just stay home. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Maybe watch some TV. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Order in some Chinese. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Oh, Sichuan Garden! Are we really bailing? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Hell, yeah. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Good, cause this thing's empty. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Hundred dollars says when you turn around, I say ""wow."" " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Barney, this is the third time you've hit on me by accident. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"It's one of the many risks of the blind approach. It's usually a two-man operation where Ted signals that the target is hot. But Ted's too busy being in a lesbian relationship. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Why don't you just check out the girl's reflection in the bar mirror? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"You can't just... Wow! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Hey? What's taking so long? I have to go. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Not so fast, Scherbotsky. I like the way you think. That mirror thing. Simple. Elegant. Okay, limited-time offerI need a ""bro"" for my bro-ings on about town. How would you like to be said bro? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Well, as tempting as that sounds, I'm hanging out with my friend who just got dumped. She really needs some support... or a stranger's tongue down her throat. That seems healthy. All right. Guess I'm in. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"Really? Are you sure? Wow, that snuck up on me. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"The 18th can't get here fast enough. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"Oh. Well, um, we can just... wait until you get back. I mean, the whole point was not to rush into this. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"75th and Amsterdam. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"I'm so glad we decided to just stay home. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Oh, I know. Can you imagine if we'd gone? We'd be just getting there now, all tired and cranky. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"And yet we'd feel obligated to have sex. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Yeah, for 89 bucks a night, we're doing it. I would like to propose a toast. To the most awesomely mellow anniversary ever. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"I'm so glad you have to go to your parents' next weekend. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Oh, my God, what are they doing home? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"They think we went away. Oh, it is on for my boy, Ted. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"But we didn't go away, we're in the bathroom. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"They don't know that. All we have to do is hide out in here until Ted moves his mojo into the bedroom. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"But I don't want to hide out in here. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Honey, Ted has been going out of his mind waiting for this. If we go out there and spoil the mood, it's not going to happen. Then one of us is going to have to have sex with Ted, and... not going to be me. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Okay, fine. I guess I'll actually floss. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"You suited up! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Well, I figured if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this right. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Emilio? The woman will have... " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"I'll have a Johnny Walker Blue, neat, and a Montecristo No. 2 Thanks. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Ah, the No. 2, a.k.a. ""The Torpedo."" Or, as the rollers call it, ""Piramide."" " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"My father was a cigar fanatic, it was the only way to get his attention. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Father issues. Hot. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"I know... I was this close to being a huge slut. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Slut would have been better, but I'll settle for bro. Especially now that Ted's with Victoria and can't drink. Because he's pregnant. Cause he's the girl. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Oh, come on, Ted can't be pregnant. You need to have sex to get pregnant. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"What up! Freeze frame high five! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"No. Because the beauty of a moment is that it's fleeting. By its very nature, it... slips through our fingers... making it that much more precious. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Ugh, that is bad. That is, like, high-school-literary-magazine bad. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"And they're not even high. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"It's actually working. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Yeah, smooth but slowly. God, close the deal, already. It's been, like, 45 minutes... we could have had sex three times by now. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Yeah, try five. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"What up! Maybe we should just go out there. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"No way! We can't go out there now. They'll know that we've been sitting in the bathroom the whole time. It'll be too weird. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Fine. But if we're stuck in here... I'm turning up the volume. Shh. Shh. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Honey, could you hold my hair back, I think I'm going to hurl. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"So. What do you and Ted usually do after the cigar bar? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Are you kidding? Ted's never been here. You've already flown higher and faster than he ever did. Still... " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"What? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"There is one other thing we could do. If you're up for it. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Oh, I had no idea laser tag still existed! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Yeah, well, enjoy it before it becomes cool again. I give it two months. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Oh, I believe it... this is awesome! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Okay, follow my lead, stay low, and never underestimate a 12-year-old with a... Scherbotsky, you have to focus! You just saved my life, didn't you? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Thank me later. Let's keep moving. These little bastards are everywhere. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"He's just staring into her eyes. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"I don't know, we used to be even more nauseatingly into each other than Ted and Victoria. Now look at us. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Yeah... now we just make fun of people like that. It's the circle of life. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"No, I'm serious, Marshall. I mean, we couldn't even get it up to go on our big trip. And now we're celebrating our anniversary stuck in a bathroom. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Well, it's not fair to compare us to Ted and Victoria. This is their first time. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Yeah, but we could still have some more romance. Now, you just say, ""Want to do it?"" And I say, ""Yeah."" " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Want to... " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"No! Maybe we're just out of firsts. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Looks like they're about to have theirs. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"Should we take this to the bedroom? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Yes! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Yes! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Yes! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Yes! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"No. No, don't answer it! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"You're answering it? He's answering it! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"No! Do her! Do her now! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"Sure. Good luck with that. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"I'll get another bottle. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"I need a drink. Do we have any cough syrup in here? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Shh... " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Oh, God. These brats have us completely surrounded. I counted nine, maybe ten. I'll lay down some cover fire, you make a run for it. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"No. Leave no man behind. Either we all get out of here or no one does. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"But I... " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Don't be a hero, Scherbotsky. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"See you on the other side. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Damn. Want to go get a soft pretzel? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Yeah. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"All right. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Marshall, what happened to us? We used to just stare into each other's eyes all night long. Have we lost that? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Maybe. But I think I just found it. Right here. Baby, I'm giving you sexy smoldering with just a hint of crazy eyes. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Okay, well, get ready for my sex-ray vision. Did you remember to pick up the dry cleaning? Oh, damn it. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"It's all right. We can do this. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Let's just hold hands. This is nice. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"You love that move. It's a classic Marshall. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"All right, we totally suck at this. We really, really need to get out of here. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Well, we can't. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Baby, there's something I have to do, and if I do it in front of you, it'll change the entire nature of our relationship. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"What is it? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"I have to pee. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"This is bad. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Yeah. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"We've gone nine years without peeing in front of each other. You always think there'll be more time. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Look at us. We're basically an old married couple, and we're not even married yet. The flame of our romance is flickering, and if I pee all over it, it might go out forever. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"How much longer do you think you can hold it? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"I drank a Big Gulp of Mountain Dew during that Quantum Leap marathon. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Oh, boy. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Playing laser tag really takes me back. You know what game I really miss? Battleship. I've never lost a game. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Neither have I. Of course I cheat. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Oh, yeah, me, too. The trick is to bend the aircraft carrier so it makes an L. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Ah. I always just stacked the ships on top of each other. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Nice. You know, we should have a cheaters grudge match. I think I still have a... Hello. Target acquired. Hottie by the jukebox. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Ooh, good eye, Scherbotsky. I got someone for you. Two o'clock, blue shirt. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"That's a woman. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Oh, my mistake. Or is it? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Let's just focus on your target. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Right. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Yeah, I got this one. Oh, my God. I love your jeans. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Oh, no. I am all about the dudes. Although pickings are pretty slim tonight. Only hot guy here is blondie in the suit, and he's playing hard to get. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Well, jeans will only get you so far. I'm going home with him. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Oh, my God, I hate Ted. I hate him so much. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Baby, why don't you just go? Tons of other couples have peed in front of each other. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"No, but we haven't, because I want to keep some of the mystery alive. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Well, you have farted in front of me. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Yes, but I always cover it with a cough. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"You always do. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Hey. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Hey. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Let's get out of here. Let's go somewhere else. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"What happened? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Eh, you sometimes like to do a little catch and release. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"But why? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Leave no man behind. Either we all score or no one scores. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Right on. Hey, you want to go play Battleship? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Hit! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"Should we move to the bedroom? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"They can suck on each other's fingers for an hour, but there's no time to take two steps to the bedroom? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Baby, I can't hold it in any longer. It's time. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"I know. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"I love you, Marshall. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"I love you, Lily. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Well, you make a good bro. You're a better Ted than Ted. Hey, in fact, you have just earned yourself an invite to Marshall's bachelor party. And you don't even have to come out of the cake. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Thanks. And, um, thanks for sticking around tonight. I hope you're ready for some hard-core Battleship. Come on, boys. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Hard-core? That's the only way I play. ( " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"I found it. Are you ready to... What the hell are you doing? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"I'm birthday suiting up.vI'm sorry, did you want to undress me? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"No! I thought we were just hanging out as friends. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Oh, come on, you have been throwing yourself at me all night. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"What?! I did the opposite! I threw some other girl at you. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"You invited me up to your apartment to ""play Battleship."" Is that not an internationally recognized term for sex? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"No. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Great. I hope you're happy. You sunk my battleship. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"I'm okay. You okay? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"I feel the same. And yet, strangely different. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"I'm happy for my bladder, yet sad for us. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"You had to do it, sweetie... for Ted. And, hey, look, at least now we can stay in here as long as it takes. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Yeah. I guess our relationship had to take a hit so a new one out there could blossom. Oh, crap! " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"They must have heard that. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Well, I guess we can come out now. I don't believe it. They're gone. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Good. 'Cause I got to take a whiz. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Okay, you and me, that's insane. If you even thought about it for one second... " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"But I have thought about it for three seconds, and it makes a lot of sense. We both think the marriage commitment thing's a drag. We both want something casual and fun. And we clearly get along really well. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Wow, that actually did make a lot of sense. But what about Ted? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"I checked with Ted. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Ted, so now that things with you and Victoria are going pretty well, I assume you're over all the girls you were into before, right? I take your silence as a yes, so say I were to hook up with someone, say Robin, you'd be cool with that, right? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"Sure. Good luck with that. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Totally gave us his blessing. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Really? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Really. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"So Ted didn't care that you wanted to make a move on me? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Didn't care at all. Oh. Oh... " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"What? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"You like Ted. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"I didn't say I liked Ted. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"You like Ted. Wow. This is huge. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Barney, I don't like Ted. He's moved on, and I'm really happy for... " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Yeah, yeah. Look, are we gonna play Battleship or what? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"You're not gonna tell him, are you? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"No. That's the bro code. A bro doesn't tell a mutual bro that a third bro has a crush on him. Just like the third bro doesn't tell the mutual bro that the original bro went bare pickle in front of her. It's quid pro bro. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"A-7. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Barney,"Miss. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Robin,"Of course. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Well, we still have one frontier left. Still got the deuce. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Not making me feel better. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Well, it certainly was a first. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"It was, wasn't it? We still have firsts. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"Of course we do. And you know what, I actually feel closer to you now. I want to know you. Like, know your soul. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Marshall, what makes you cry? " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Marshall,"This moment is fleeting because it's being chased by another moment. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Lily,"Oh, just grab my boob already. " "1x14 - Zip, Zip, Zip",Ted,"Come on, guys, get a room. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted,"Robin, 97, 98, 99, 100! " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," 100! We only got to 82 on our honeymoon. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," So, Robin, I've got a guy for you. He's cute, he's funny, he's smart. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," What's his 'but'? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted,"Lily: What do you mean? When someone wants to set you up they always tell you the good qualities first but then they leave out their huge flaw. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," What do you mean? When someone wants to set you up they always tell you the good qualities first but then they leave out their huge flaw. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," She's totally hot and really fun. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," But she has a dead tooth. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," She's superhot and she's so successful. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," But she has a pug that she pushes around in a stroller. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," She's so cute and she's so smart. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," But her last boyfriend had to get a restraining order against her and then his cat and new vacuum cleaner both went missing. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Wow, set it up. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," I'm still convinced she k*ll my turtle. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Hey, you know what, not every setup has a 'but'. What about, um, Jamie, that girl that Lily set you up with? She was really nice. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," If memory serves me, she had a huge 'but'. Her huge butt. Nailed it! " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," Well, there's nothing wrong with this guy. He's really nice and he's really cute. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," But? Lily: Fine, but he has a kid. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," But? Fine, but he has a kid. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," Oh. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Aha! There it is. Robin's not going out with a guy with a kid. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," But the guy is really great. And his kid's sweet, he's in my class. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Doesn't matter. Robin hates kids. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," I don't hate kids. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," You told me even when you were a kid, you hated kids. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin,"Little I go to school all week. Can't I just have five minutes to myself to read Highlights and drink my juice? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," OK, yes, kids are not my favorite thing in the world but I like them. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Well, you don't wanna have them. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," I like sports cars but it doesn't mean I wanna push a Ferrari through my vagina " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," g*n. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," You can't blame us for thinking that the kid would be a problem. I mean, if we were friends with Garfield, we wouldn't set him up on a date with Mondays. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Nice. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," You know what, the kid is not a problem. I wanna meet this guy. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," OK, that's awesome. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Yeah. Hey, what's my 'but'? You know, I'm really nice, but... " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," But she's afraid of commitment. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," But she's a g*n nut. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," But she's Canadian. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," But she didn't like Field of Dreams. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," I can't think of anything. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," You don't have a 'but'. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," OK, I've got it. Here, put on this eye patch. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Why? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," The ultimate ice breaker. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," A bunch of cobras got loose in Central Park. You and I are jogging, training for the Death Valley Iron Man. No big deal, we do it every year. Suddenly we see these snake bastards sneaking towards a little baby. Not on our watch. You grab the kid, I strangle six cobras with my bare hands. Women of New York, one at a time please. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," So, what are the eye patches for? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," We got bit. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," On the eye? Barney: Yes. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," On the eye? Yes. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Both of us. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," They're different eyes. I don't see why this bugs you. Patch up! " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," OK, here's the thing, George is a great guy, we had a wonderful date. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," But? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Great, I can't wait to meet him. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Can't wait to meet him? Why did I say that? I don't wanna meet his kid. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," Well, you knew you'd meet him sooner or later. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," I was just hoping for later, like in 20 years when I'm a cougar and he's as hot as his dad. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," Robin, What's the big deal? He's just a kid. He's not gonna bite. He may bite. We're working on biting. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Why is this kid around anyway? Shouldn't he be with his mom? What kind of lawyer does this guy have if he has to take care of the kid all the time? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," A good one. He won full custody. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," He won? He won. Oh God, getting the kid is winning, isn't it? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Don't tell anyone I said that. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," I'm going out, buying eye patches. What are you doing to help score chicks? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," OK, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. People with real game don't need eye patches. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Oh, Theodore... " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney,"...no no no, you can't spell game without me, and me has the best game. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Yeah, well, I got so much game, I'm Cornish game hen. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Oh yeah? I'm the New York state gaming commissioner. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Well, I'm The Game, well-crafted, keep-you-guessing thriller starring Michael Douglas and Sean Penn. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Wow. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," Wow. You're here and not in stall two. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Yeah, so? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," I may have made some wildly inappropriate h*m* comments to a gentleman wearing your shoes. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," OK, Marshall. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," Yes. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Which one of us has more game? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," Neither of you guys has any game, right, or else you'd be married like me. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," What? Marshall: If dating is the game, then marriage is winning the game. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," What? If dating is the game, then marriage is winning the game. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Yeah, if you're playing in the women's league. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," You're joking. I have mad game, bra. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," OK. One, we agreed not to ever say 'bra' anymore. It was a good week, we had a lot of fun, but it's over. Two, you've been with Lily for eleven years. You're idea of good game is slapping on a Dr. Seuss hat and flashing two tickets to a Spin Doctors concert. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," I hate to say it, buddy, but you're kinda' irrelevant. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," What? I am not irrelevant. I know tons of stuff. I could help you guys. I don't wanna be left out. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Ted, you do not have more game than me. By sheer numbers alone, I win. Come on, dude, you've seen my list. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," Do you guys wanna hear one of my lines? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," First of all, I did not ask to see that list and I am still horrified. True game is about quality, not quantity. And a quality girl would pick me over you any day. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," Are you a model? That one's good because it's flattering to the girl. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Ted, I challenge you to a picking-up-girls Olympiad. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Fine. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," There will be 26 events spread out over 11 weeks. We will travel to a neutral city where a panel of international judges... " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Or we could just choose a girl and the first one to seal the deal wins. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," That's good too. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," How about her? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," You're on. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Before we start, why don't we jot down a few basic ground rules? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," OK, great. Rule number one, no eye patches or props of any kind. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," One time I was with this girl and I tried that model line, and I totally got some over-the-shirt boob action at a Just Say No assembly. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Just stop. You're bumming everybody out. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Rule number two, this bet is for one million dollars. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," I win. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," How? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Oh, I slept with her, about a year ago, I just forgot. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Oh, well, that doesn't count. The bet started the moment we shook. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," I can't sleep with her again. She hates me. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Oh, Interesting. Look who just took a commanding lead. Now, with you out of the picture, I can take my sweet time. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," Ted, she's leaving. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Get out of my way. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," By the look of those shoes, here comes your bathroom buddy. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," Look who's got game. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Only the biggest ever. I think kids are so great. Especially the little ones. You know, uh, pudgy, can't sit up, don't have teeth yet. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Yeah, I like that kind. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Oh, six is great. You are gonna love six. Six is when they really start to... I hate kids. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin,"George: Excuse me, what? I mean, I don't hate kids. I'm just not a kid person. I mean, yeah, it's cute that their shoes are real little, but beyond that, what's the draw? You must think I'm nuts. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Yeah, let's take things slow. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," Hey, what's up? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," It's here, Lily. It's looking at me. The kid, what do I do? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," Just talk to him. You can do this, Robin. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin,"Doug: Who are you? I'm Robin. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," No it's not. It's actually a type of bird. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Dude, I'm just reading my paper. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Sure. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin,"Doug: What are you doing? You're supposed to pour milk first? What? No, you pour the cereal first so you know how much milk you need. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," It all tastes the same once it's in the bowl. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Milk first it is. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin,"Doug: What are you reading? The business section. The Fed's gonna lower rates again to bail out these subprime lenders, bunch of idiots. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Well, maybe if they weren't such idiots, I wouldn't have to call them that. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," You too. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Well, have fun in yoga. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," She's strengthening her core. That's gonna be good. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Yeah, all right. After a while, crocodile. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," You see this. Game face. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Whatever, Ted. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Oh, get this, she plays bass in a reggae band. They're having a show this Friday. How cool is that? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Oh, does she know that one song? Mm-hm chaka, mm-hm chaka. What's that song called? Oh, right, it's called every reggae song. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," I am not irrelevant. I ran the numbers. If Lily and I have sex twice a week, which, let's be honest, we all know is being conservative. And we've been together for ten years plus seventeen more times on the honeymoon. Minus the two week drought when I said the checker at the grocery store reminded me of a young Lily. Then we have had sex a total of...wait for it... " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Nice. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," One thousand fifty-three and a half times...my mom called once. But that's more times than Barney has ever had sex and to your point, Ted, Lily is a quality girl. I win. Lawyered. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Doesn't count. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," Totally counts. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," You're right, it counts. It counts as one. You've had sex once. How was it? Marshall: I still matter. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," You're right, it counts. It counts as one. You've had sex once. How was it? I still matter. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," OK, Ted, go win the bet. You have my blessing. She's a wonderful girl. I should know. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Oh, OK, OK, I see what you're doing. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted,"Barney: We've never shared a woman, have we, Ted? Isn't that funny? You're with her now, I was with her a year ago. You figure for her, that's like 200 showers ago. You gotta ask yourself, Ted, is 200 enough? You know what, I don't mind. Barney: No, of course you don't mind. Just like the second guy to climb Mt. Everest didn't mind getting all the way to the top only to find Sir Edmund Hilary's flagpole thrust into its supple peak. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," We've never shared a woman, have we, Ted? Isn't that funny? You're with her now, I was with her a year ago. You figure for her, that's like 200 showers ago. You gotta ask yourself, Ted, is 200 enough? You know what, I don't mind. No, of course you don't mind. Just like the second guy to climb Mt. Everest didn't mind getting all the way to the top only to find Sir Edmund Hilary's flagpole thrust into its supple peak. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," No, I'm sure when you're with her I'll be the furthest thing from your mind. Kissing what I've already kissed. Nuzzling what I've already nuzzled. Going on what I've already gone on. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Barney, I'm not afraid of catching your cooties, OK? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Really? Ted's not afraid of cooties. OK, well then I guess you'd have no problem having a sip of my gin and tonic. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Fine. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," And I only stirred that with my pinky. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Guess who loves Robin? Kids, kids love Robin. Doug thinks I'm pretty cool. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," Really, that's great. You and George, all thanks to me. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Yeah, I'm gonna have to break up with him. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," What? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Well, tt's just getting a little bit too serious with the kid. You know, it's just not what I'm looking for. So, better that I break it off now before he gets too attached. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," What? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," I hate to tell you this but, too late. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," He drew it in class today. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Oh crap. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," There's no way that's a picture of me. That woman has on hoop earrings, I don't even own hoop earrings. I have one pair and they're gold. Those are Fruit Loops. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," You are so in denial right now. And you're doing what you always do in relationships. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," We'll ask the guys. They'll tell you that's not me " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," That's totally you. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," You guys are totally crazy. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Hey, who drew the picture of Robin? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," It's not me. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," You're joking, right? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," It's not me. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," ""My new mommy."" Kinda has a nice ring to it. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," Hey, now that you're a mom, are you gonna start wearing those totally awesome jeans that go right up to your boobs? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Do guys really think this is me? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," Honey, it's you. And if you're gonna break up with George, you have to break up with his kid too. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Really? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," Yeah, you can't just abandon him. You have to talk to him. Come on, Robin, you know it's the right thing to do. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Man. Doug was right, you are a pain in the ass. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Me too. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Mm-hm. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney,"Little Hey, Ted, pucker up all you want but I was here first. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney,"Little From this spot, I also launched an expedition to those two large ridges down there. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Hey, Doug. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Actually, I came to see you. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Sure, why not? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Oh, that is so sweet, Even though it doesn't rhyme. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Look, uh, Doug. There's no good way to say this. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," We need to talk. I just think, um, we both could use some space right now. It's not you, it's me. I know this hurts but you deserve someone better. I'm just really trying to focus on my career right now, you know. I just hope we can still be friends. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," What the hell was that? Doug: That was my new mommy. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," So, this picture is not of me? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," How many dates has she been on with your dad? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Well, I've been on like five and you like her better? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," And what about me? You think I go around pouring cereal for every boy in town. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Robin. My name is Robin. Like the bird, remember? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," So, that's it, huh? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Yeah, there's always a 'but'. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Well, I couldn't do it. I broke up with her. Thanks a lot by the way. A beautiful, sexy girl and all I could think about was you being there first. You were stuck in my head like a Chumbawumba song. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney,"Marshall: Which Chumbawumba song? Well, what an interesting turn of events. It looks like I'm going to win. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," Which Chumbawumba song? Well, what an interesting turn of events. It looks like I'm going to win. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," What do you mean, win? You couldn't even talk to her. You tried, you got slapped. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," That's what you think happened. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," OK, great, rule number one no eye patches or props of any... " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Here's the deal. My friend just got dumped so he's a little shy but he'd love to buy you a drink and get to know you. The problem is he thinks a pretty girl like you won't go for a guy like him. So would you slap me across the face so he could see you're not into guys who feed you lines? What do you say? For my friend? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," So now, whatever nice things Ted does for her, in her mind, I'm the guy who's even nicer than him. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," So you never slept with her? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Not even at all. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Marshall," Wow, that's good. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," It gets better. Remember Ted's phone conversation? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," Well., have fun in yoga " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Well? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Oh. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Stacy, right? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Yeah, wait, don't tell me you go to yoga here too? " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," She plays bass in a reggae band. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," I'm gonna head out to a reggae concert. I'm a huge fan of reggae. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," No way, I wonder why Ted didn't tell me about that. Like I said, I'm a huge reggae fan. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," After a while crocodile. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney,"Stacy, See you later alligator. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," We are two peas. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Wow, take care. Namaste. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," You are a sociopath. That was my yoga mat. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," So now with Ted out of the picture, I'm gonna swoop in and take the whole thing. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Translation: 'cause I got game, bitches. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," No, no, this doesn't prove anything because... " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Hold one, hold on a second. Stacy. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," Hey, stace. What happened? He did not. Stay there, I'll be right over. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Ted," I should have just worn that stupid eye patch. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Lily," I can't believe you got dumped by a 6-year-old. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Robin," Whatever. He's a stupid head. I'm just, I'm done with kids. " 3x04 - Little Boys,Barney," That's what makes you so special, baby. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"I don't need to go to a heart doctor. I drink every day, I sleep three hours every night, and I have multiple sex partners. I'm doing everything right. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Barney, come on, this is important. We need you around for a long time. Without you, we'd have to find some other sex-fueled, depraved animal to entertain us. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Oh, can she? Can she get a dog, please Dad? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"No. If you get a dog, I'm going to be the one stuck taking care of it. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Really? And who watered the philodendron on your bookcase and sang it back to life? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"Okay, Robin, what you need is indeed something that buries a bone, but I'm not talking about a dog. I'm talking about a man. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall," Y " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Big Fudge. ""With""? I am not ""with"" Nora. Wrong preposition. Later tonight I'm hoping to be on Nora, right? Or under Nora, right? Or, we're all adults, I'll just say it... behind Nora. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Oh, Barney's got feeling for a girl. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Yeah. Penis feelings. Because she's hot. Guys, as you know, I only have one rule... " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"If you're gonna get it on in a Port-O-Potty, do it early in the day [...] Never screw over a girl whose last name ends in a vowel. 'Cause she's got brothers [...] Never date a girl with a hook for a hand [...] " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Never go out with the same girl more than once. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Then why are you going out with Nora again? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"There is an exception. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,":...unless she's hot [...]...unless she's hot [...]...unless she's hot. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"And she is indeed hot. Which is why nothing, not even God himself... yeah, I said it, Beardy... is going to stand in the way of tonight being legend... Wait for it. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Hey, Nora, sorry I'm late. I'm just, uh, just getting over a cold. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"About 20 minutes. Can't seem to shake it. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Handsome? Rich? Well-endowed? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"The bed... that's where all the...happens. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Ah. Thank you. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Good night, Mommy. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Wow, she nursed you back to health? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"No. I didn't even see her boobs. She just took care of me. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Uh, yeah, it's right in here... Scooby. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"Oh, Robin, if you weren't so much stronger than me, I would slap you. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"I know, and, look, he seems plenty nice, but I didn't mean bring home the first guy you bump into on the street. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Should have just let you get a dog. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Oh, oh, I should go. Lily, can I talk to you for a second? So, um, I made an appointment with that cardiologist. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Aw, and you want me to go with you 'cause you're a little scared? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"No. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Do you want me to go with you because you're a lot scared? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Yes! " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Okay, fine. On one condition. You have to promise me you won't lie to Nora. She seems like something special. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Okay, I promise I won't lie to her. I may, however, lie on her. I said, bang-bang, bangity-bang.* Bang-bang-bang, bangity-bang * " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"* Bang, bang, bangity bang... * " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"* A bang-bang, bangity-bang. * " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"See, Lily? She was worried. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Ow! Nails, nails! " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Twen... Flag on the play, Doc. I have a date tonight. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Well, now it doesn't. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Go on, Doctor. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Well, let's see... uh, Wheel of Fortune, naked push-ups, naked chin-ups... I was at dinner. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"This? No, no. It's a heart monitor. It's a medical thing. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"What's that like? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"My friend's dad passed away from a sudden heart attack. So I'm just getting myself checked out, too. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Thanks. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Well, for what it's worth, I'm not easily shocked. Unless you dump water on me, 'cause I'll just... No. What is it? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"You have to promise me you won't lie to Nora! " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"That's exactly what I want, too. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"The Bar " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"Oh, I actually think he's quite intelligent for what he is. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"He's a dog. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"He's totally a dog. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"No, I didn't say, ""He a dawg."" I said, ""He's a dog."" As in, a dog. I think we've all noticed a few curious mannerisms. Or rather, doggerisms. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Uh, Scooby, the tag's still on your jeans. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"Okay, Scooby, you ready? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Good boy! " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"Okay, you're right. He dropped it. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Robin, it's fine. You said you wanted a dog and you got one. And the best part is, he got his shots. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"You are so playful. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Nice job fetching those. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Yeah, guys, cut it out. Scooby, sit. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"So, Scooby, we were thinking if you're going to be hanging out with our Robin, you should be properly vetted. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Uh, yeah. We hope our nosiness doesn't give you ""paws."" " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"How did you meet? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"Tell us the ""tail"" " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,":Yes, how did you ""whisker"" off her feet? Shed a little light on the matter. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Did you send her an e-mail, or did you ""collar""? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"No, no, you're right, Robin. We don't want your new guy to ""flea."" " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"We're just trying to make sure he's not a heel. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"So, moving from Canada, that transition must have been pretty ""ruff."" " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Oh, I bet it was an ""Incredible Journey"""" " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"What part of Canada is that? Speak. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"This isn't happening. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Hey, guys, this is Nora. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"I had no idea he had a deep down. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"I mean, I like being single, but secretly, I want to have kids. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Three... one of each. You? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Yeah, with ivy growing on it. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"And we must have a pool. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"I really am. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin,"Unbelievable. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"I assure you, that's not a nickname that I... " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Barney, you promised you wouldn't lie. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"I'm not lying! Guys, Nora's really special. In fact... I think I'm... falling in love with her. Guys! I'm serious. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"I'm not going to let you do this. When Nora gets back here, I'm blowing the whistle. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"Just make sure it's not a high-frequency whistle, because we don't want to t*rture Robin's boyfriend. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Guys, this is real. And if you don't make me look good in front of Nora, just rememberI've got dirt on each of you, and I am not afraid to spill it. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Barney, you can't blackmail us into lying to Nora. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Really, Lily? Even if I were to mention, oh, I don't know... your kindergarten class's pet guinea pig? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Mr. Buttons? Oh, you son of a bitch. Fine. I'll be nice. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Marshall? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"You got nothing on me. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"The calzone? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"Checkmate. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Robin. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"The Mr. T dream... " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin,"I'm lost. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Ted? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Go ahead. Give me your best. My life's an open book. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"The ballet class. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"I once took a ballet class. Not ashamed. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"The 'N Sync concert. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"1998. Cleveland's g*n Arena, front row. Caught JC's shirt. What else you got? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Okay, Ted. The thermos. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"I suppose it's possible Barney has real feelings for Nora. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"I do! So be cool! " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Oh, I don't know how we know Barney. How does anyone know how they know anyone? I like your pretty hair, help me. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"We did not meet him at a strip club. No, sir. Because... Barney don't go to no strip clubs. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Once? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Thermos. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Nope. Not even once. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"I don't recall. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"Okay, I think that we're done here, I think that we have adequately established that Barney is... the kind of guy that you would bring home to meet your parents. Okay? So... let's just drop it, all right? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"I only have one rule. Never, ever, ever meet a girl's parents. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Not even if she's hot? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Not even if her mom's hot. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"I'd love to meet your parents. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"No, Scooby, you, uh... stay! " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"I knew it. I knew it. I knew if you got a dog, I'd wind up taking care of it. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"Whoa. Put that away. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Scooby, we're in our 30s. We don't smoke sandwiches anymore. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Sandwich brownies? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"Sandwiches make me hungry. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Truth. Hey. I have a question. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"Yeah? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"What did Barney mean when he said ""calzone""? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"Okay, I'll tell you. Okay. One time Barney saw me drop a calzone on the sidewalk, pick it up, and then keep eating it. It feels so good to finally say that out loud. I... " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Dude. Listen to me. You have nothing to be ashamed of. That calzone sounds amazing. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Guys, I found this on the floor. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Oh, my God. Scooby ate the whole tray. Wait. Where is he, anyway? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Scooby got out! " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Yeah, me, too. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"I'd love to. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Can you believe... " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Oh, my God! I found Scooby's wallet. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"Oh, no! That means the poor guy's out there with no identification. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,", on the phone with Robin " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin,", on the phone with Robin " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin,":Robin! Hey. Hey, um, remember Scooby? Uh, well, he got out. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"He just walked out of the apartment. Someone must've left the door open. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"It wasn't me. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Me neither. He must've figured out how to open it himself. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"He's so smart. We should get him on Letterman doing tricks. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"I know Paul Schaffer's sandwich guy. This could happen. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Wait wait! Robin. Can you pick up some calzones? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Wait... Nora, wait. Wait. I'm sorry I misled you. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"I was on the spot. This is your fault. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Yeah, with the whole ""I want to get married"" thing. You can't just tell someone exactly what you want out of a relationship. This... isn't England. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Great idea. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"No, great idea! " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Okay. If you were new in town and had just ingested an eighth of sandwich, where would you go? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"Of course. Back to the pizza place! " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Ted,"Yeah! Maybe that's where Scooby went. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"Who's Scooby? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Robin," " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Uh, yeah. Isn't that him taking a leak on that fire hydrant? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Marshall,"Scooby! " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Day's not over. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Okay. Lily, I'm sorry that I lied about wanting to settle down. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"No, that wasn't the lie. The lie was when you told Nora you were lying. Because you weren't. You want that stuff, Barney, I know you do. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Okay. Maybe, eventually, I could settle down. 50 years from now, if I have like a Hefner thing going on with some really hot twins. But those twins won't even be born for another... 32 years. I mean... Nora's great. She's wonderful. But... " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"What time was your dinner reservation? " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Last night? 8:30. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Lily,"Your heart's talking to you, Barney. Do you have the guts to listen to it. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"I lied. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"When I said I lied, that was a lie, and I'm sorry. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"So am I. This, all of this, this is totally new to me, but I know it's what I want. I want to be confused. With you. " 6x18 - A Change of Heart,Barney,"Hi. I'm Barney. Great to meet you. Hey, you want to see a magic trick? " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," Barney's crazy if he thinks it'll work. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," I think it'll work. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," I hope not. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," There he is. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," What are you doing? " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," In a few minutes, the young me your time will enter through this door. I know it sounds crazy, but to save the planet, you have to sleep with him tonight. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," Well, the movers arrive in 14 hours. We have to go back to finish the boxes. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," You have not finished? Why is it so long? " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," The best memories of our 20 years were held in it. It's not that throw stuff in a box. You look back at the past. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," Not me. The key? Discard tips and not looking back. I go to Japan. It took me half an hour. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," A half hour? " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," I could take 20 minutes, but a friend called me in tears. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," Moving is very moving. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," But it is. Finally, everything changes. I will live with Stella, you will be in your new apartment. You start a new job in Tokyo. This is the end of an era. We should make a toast, but not with the usual shit. Your bottle of Scotch the most expensive. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Excellent. A bottle of beer with it, and what do you think will cancel the Scotch? " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," Vive la vodka. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," It will not work. " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," I guess I have time for a drink and 45 minutes to an hour for other activities, but after that, I must return to the top secret research project I'm working on. " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," My God! How do you know that? " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Look at this. A photo of the day we moved. So many good memories. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," Well, that's exactly the kind of crap to throw away. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," So you keep a photograph? " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," It's like love letters, directories or the ashes of people.They take up space. In addition, she will let you not keep half your mess. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Why not? " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," Oh, dear. That's what the guys know that after moving in with a woman. All your stuff are idiots. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Like what? " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," Like everything else you bought the medieval festivals. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," There is not enough drinks in the world that I drop my scourge. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," As you will not get bail, I thought you could pay me half. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Wait, why I pay more? " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," Because you've treated this apart as John Bonham treated his nervous system. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," That's not true. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," Proof A. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," What is it? " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," An Encyclopedia ""World Book"" of 1986. It is with these that I grew up. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," Encyclopedia? " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Do you think we should say-die encyclo-pil. It's a common mistake. But if you look at the direction of the bar on the ""e"". The symbol of this encyclopedia, you'll know it is a diacritic which aims to change... " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," You know, it'll have you ""dia-pays"" for it. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," But you've ever done. Second, the evidence B. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Hello, good topics. Look what I won at the festival. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," You're also responsible for damage to Robin when she was your girlfriend. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," What damage did I do? " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," Do you remember the time you got drunk the pack of beer and you've become Super Canadian? " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," Stanley Cup game six? The Rangers will regret having met with the Canucks. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," $ 20 if you manage to run it through the door. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," You're more amazing than a Tim Hortons donut. Timmy Ho! " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," I'll give you the teeth of happiness. A little here, a little there. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," Give me the stick. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," Get out, bouseuse. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," Let's go! " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Catch it, guys! " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," I'll break! " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Girls, stop! " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," For America. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," It's good enough! " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," It does not stop a fight between girls! Ever! " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Barney's fault entirely. As fat burning on the mantelpiece, for that matter. " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," This is the man of the evening. It's time to let the monster out of his cage! " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," Come on, man. People want to see Bruce Banner.They want Hulk. What? " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," I'm really proud that we have helped Stewart. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," Yes, what a moment of incredible human sincerity. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," It's true. We live. " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," You're going to seriously continue to wear this hat? " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," Yes, it's been two weeks. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," Two wonderful weeks... and oh yes, I will continue to wear it. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," This is an intervention. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," About the hat. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," I control. I can remove it whenever I want. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," ""Dear Marshall, I do not like that stupid hat. I want to cut with a scythe. Or, cut the chisel, for you looks like a real jerk. "" " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," Oh my God. This is one of p'tain of pleasant surprise. This is about what? " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," This is about the exaggerated English accent. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," P'tain. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," Self Tanner? They entice you with a coupon, and after it becomes addictive. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," We know, darling, you know. This is a brand new vest. " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," What? " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," The magic tricks. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," Specifically, those with fire. " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," The magic tricks? Guys, interventions are meant to help people, not to address every aspect you do not like.Sorry, but it warms me. It makes me boil! I mean, I am filled with a burning rage! Thanks! Oh, shit. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," It smells like hair! " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," It's weird. By removing the closet, I thought I saw the banner. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," And? " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," And the flag was b*rned. Why new? And there are letters from you all, with ""Ted"" written on it. You prepare a response for me? " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," Well, that was stupid. Yes, forget it. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," That was why? The sandals? Hair products? " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," No Stella. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," My God, it was for Stella. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," I just said ""No Stella."" It was perhaps for your hearing problems. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," What? " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," It's getting serious. You see? " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," You think I should not marry Stella. You think I should not marry. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," We want him. We are all really happy for you. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," Like I said, it was stupid. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Obviously, it was not, it had agreed to make interventions more stupid to work on interventions. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," We made too many interventions. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," What was your biggest problem with me and Stella? " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Stella. " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," ""I can not remain indifferent... "" " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," You kept it on you? " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," Please. ""I can not remain impassive while you make the biggest mistake a man can do... get married. Keep my words, it will all part... ""Flames! Oh, shit! I sent the flame too soon. I had so many important things to say, and... The fact is, Ted, marriage is stupid. Each year there are a million girls aged 22, sexy, who go to bars and call me, ""glass half full"", but I think they become beasts. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," Even you, you will meet more girls in 22 years when you get 80. " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," I meet this challenge. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," What challenge? " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," Prove that I will be just as great at 80. I'll go out with a girl of 22 years with my old man makeup. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," I did not challenge. I would love to see it, but I've not challenged. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," I want to hear the other letters. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," This is ridiculous. It changed his mind. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," And if you changed yet? Go Lily, listen to yours. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," ""The capabilities of Gilbert reading have improved considerably... ""This is a letter I had to give one of my students. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," I can hear yours? " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," ""Dear Ted, it's encyclo-pe-die, not encyclo-pil-die. Why you always want to say things so pretentious? Looks like a moron, and it's cr-e-tin and non-cr-ay-tin. "" " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," You've already read the intervention on my pronunciation. Where is the letter of Stella? " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," I have not written. I am your ex. I told myself that everything I say is offensive. In addition, I am sexier it, so who cares? " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," Water has flowed under the bridge... " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Come on. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," ""Dear Ted, Stella seems to be wonderful. But you do not know enough to get married. You do not know probably not enough to get involved in raising a child with her. You do not restore her service or her child or yourself by throwing yourself like that. Just take a little longer. "" It was there for months, OK?That was before we know Stella and that way as she's great and what you train super torque. That's why we decided to not make this statement. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Thank you. Because I really need you to handle it. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," And we're here. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," And we hope you're not sorry. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Of course not. It's not like what you said was nonsense.You you were worried. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," But concerns that a completely expelled. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," But you score a point. It all happened very quickly. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," You know what? This may be because... when it's good, you know. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," I guess, but we are still at the stage where one seeks to know himself. And Lily, you may be right. Stella will not like my stuff. As the robot pot cake. This is the first thing we bought here, remember? " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," Of course it does. My sensors indicate that your shortbread levels are dangerously low. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," My collection of James Bond. You know, we looked at them in order, and... Lily spoke with this weird English accent, until the next month? " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," It was sophisticated. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," My cleats signed by Bernie Kosar. My lamp elephant.The English phone booth. My sombrero! " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," What are you doing? " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," I unpack. I never leave this apartment. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," Ted, stop unpacking. You're in the process of pinball. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," I'm not ready for this responsibility, let alone to be the stepfather of a 7 year old daughter. If I get married and moved to the suburbs, in a twinkling, I exchange old! " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," 83 years. How old are you? " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," Ted going bonkers. The movers arrive in 10 hours. His bride awaits in New Jersey. We must do something. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," I'm on it. Hey, man? " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Hey. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," Come here a minute. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," What? " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," Know that this is quite normal. The major change can be frightening, and fear... it is one of them. So... why not you give me the knife? Give it to me. Go. That way I can unpack too. I will stay with you forever! We had a nice life here.That's why we rejected the package. Because unconsciously, we all know that it would be stupid to leave. It's safe and warm here. There is a downstairs bar, a robot cookie in the kitchen.This is my house and I never leave! " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," Listen up! You sound like that big beta colo. ""Mom, Dad, I want to go. Cool boys play hide and seek with my inhaler. "" " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," I can not believe my father had read this letter at our wedding. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," You can not do that to Lily. Your new apartment a few problems with the floor not right and the sewage treatment plant next door, but you will make a great home. Tell her, Lily. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," This is the black hole where dreams go to die. I move it, either. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," Come on. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," Guys, finish unpacking. I will bake cookies to fill R2-plump. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," My God, what a band of cowards! Frightened by the slightest change. Terrified by all that is new. Desperate to cling to your comfort zone. I can not go to Japan. What was I thinking? It's so far. I speak the language. I have not even good pictures of you. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," Oh, honey. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," Everybody says it's good to change, right? But it's what's good? " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Who wants to go to the same old bar, sit at the same place and drink the same thing? The same thing! My favorite! " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Oh, my God! " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," I think someone owes me $ 200. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," Barney, it was not a gamble. Person... " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," I am moving to New Jersey. " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," What? " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," And you should move into the new apartment, and Robin should go to Japan. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," Why? " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Because it will age like it or not, then the real question is: do we want to go forward or clinging desperately to the past and end up like that? " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," Okay, it matters not. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," It is French, it's like playing tennis without a net. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," You know what? I take care of the warranty. It makes me happy, because every hole in this apartment is a memory I will never forget. But on one condition: you put all 10 tickets aside every week for next year and come back here and buy this tape 50 years of age, and a toast to the incredible year full of change that we had it. Remove from us. My new family and I, Marshall and Lily, in their apartment and Robin in a number of English-language journalists in the West Pacific, ending up here in New York to celebrate this day... The day we closed one chapter of our lives incredibly, to open a new one. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Remove from here. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," So, let's raise our glasses of scotch at $ 2 500 for a year of hell. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," Amazing. " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," It's amazing. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," It's smoky, with hints of cedar and old... You see the difference between that and tape for $ 10? " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," Not at all. " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," I would much Red Bull. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," Wendy, you can take a picture? " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," So if we continued the evening up there? " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," Yeah. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," Good idea. I have the tape. " 4x04 - Intervention,Robin," Barney is an intervention. " 4x04 - Intervention,Marshall," That's enough, the trick of ""old."" " 4x04 - Intervention,Lily," Forget it. " 4x04 - Intervention,Ted," I will get my problem. " 4x04 - Intervention,Barney," You're going to get my boat? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," I'm not impressed by the talent here tonight. And more I drink, the less it is attractive. I'm a whiskey and Coke in the Cantina scene in Star Wars. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," And those girls over there? They are cannon. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," Absolutely not. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Are you kidding? I have hated as soon as I saw them. So they are cannon. In fact, I've hated almost as much as Robin when I've ever known. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," You hate me? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," A max. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," Barney, they are canon. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," There is so much to learn. You are only victims of...the effect cheerleaders. Good question. The effect cheerleading is when a group of women air cannon, but only in groups. As with the cheerleaders. They look like cannon, but take them individually? Cod. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," Anything. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," Look at it carefully. Individually. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," I know. The last one is kinda cute. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Yeah, really cute. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," And this, my friends, is ""the effect cheerleaders."" Also known as the paradox of a bridesmaid syndrome sorority, and for a brief moment in the 90s, the conspiracy of the Spice Girls.Scary Spice, indeed. Barney Stinson. OK.Understood. Great, we remember. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," What? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," Apparently, I'll be a father. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," You're gonna be a father? How will it happen? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," It's a girl I plugged in a few weeks ago. It is not certain.She sees the doctor tomorrow. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," That may be a false alarm. It is perhaps not pregnant. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," No part of Barney Stinson does not run at less than 110%. If one of my Michael Phelps escaped, he swims for gold. It's a nightmare. I want no children. How can want to have children without being mad? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall,"Then a woman walks with a dog and a child on his stomach, followed by several puppies Go. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," You have not lost a sock, little guy? This is probably the cutest little thing I've ever seen. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," So if you have a baby, you think you can work less? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," No matter, it will be so cute, I'm going to exhaust the first day. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," And for the money? It has a ton of debt. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," We count the unpaid bills on her pretty little fingers.Let's make a baby. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Now? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Push yourself. I recorded The View. This problem and was unemployed and sleeping on the couch. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," So, Robin, when you're in for the job and apartment? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Are not you aware? I am a presenter on CNN. And I have made gold a terrace overlooking Central Park. Get out of your ass's head, Marshall. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Robin, would you mind not sleeping with Ted tomorrow night? I... prepares a special dinner for Marshall. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," Just a dinner. That's it. Nothing else. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Okay, but you better not be as they stuck together when I cans on the roof. ""My ears. The neighbors called the cops.You almost hit me. "" " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," Enjoy it. It is a good time. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," God? It's me, Barney. Are you okay? I know we will not speak often, a bunch of girls said your name on my account. Great. But, God... If you could get out of there, I swear I'll never, never... never, never, never... Wait, man. Barney to the device.Really? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," Good news! I'm not a father! " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," Congratulations, buddy. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," This is the best time of my life, Marshall. What I feel in having no children? I have never thought something like it as much. That's why I created a public holiday. Now, today is ""Day of Non-fathers."" " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," You create a holiday? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," Why not? Everyone has one: mothers, fathers, soldiers. Why not a day for singles who like it? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," It looks like a big day of Valentine's Day. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," Hi. How are the children? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," That's between me and my wife, sir. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," I thought it was a lunch. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Marshall? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," Baby. It's lunchtime in China. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Yeah. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," It's not a euphemism. Listen... Wait, what does that mean? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," I know, hot bread, spicy pork? Stuff like that. You come not tonight, right? You shake your head for ""no""? That's what I thought. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Thank you for coming so quickly. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Are you okay? You looked upset on the phone. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Marshall and I, we took the decision to have a great...dinner. And I thought I was ready for a... dinner. But he called to cancel, and it got me thinking. Is it too early for us to make a... Dinner? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," I had lunch early, so I can eat. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Dinner, it's a baby! " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Lily, it's horrible! " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," No, I need you to clarify a situation for me. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," What? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Are we ready, Marshall and me to have a baby? So, are we ready to have a baby or not? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," We can not decide for you. It's huge. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," You know what is huge? Marshall's head. It is as big as a watermelon in late August. Marshall's baby who is passing by? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," He thinks what? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," A lot of things in the helmet of the space of 50 years who serves as its head. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Marshall is really excited. But I think he sees only the good sides of it. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," The other day while playing with the little Jeremy, I was talking with his mother. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," I will be as carbon copy Charlotte. Worse. At least, her husband works at home. Well, he deale of shit, but it is a caring father. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," Marshall is a very good father. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Marshall is always at work, and I'm afraid to hit all the work if we have one now. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," You panic and you see only bad side. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," I think it's just realistic. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Well, that's perfect. That's why I called you. Ted, you're for children. Robin, you're against. Councillors, please proceed. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," OK, I know you're afraid of not being ready. But we think ever be. You just take the plunge and it will come naturally. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Of course for you, it is natural, you're practically already a father. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," You're a father too. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," What are you talking? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Ted, thoughtful. You go out jokes father of super lame. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," A cereal k*ll! A cereal k*ll! " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," You make us moral. Like when you broke your ship in a bottle. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," I'm not sorry. I'm just disappointed. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," That's it! " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Shut up! " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," And you do that thing that all fathers are with the waitresses. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," Hello, Lori, me, this is Ted. I will be your customer tonight.Before leaving, tell me. What is a k*ll in a wheat field? No index. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," She's right. Perhaps you're single and childless, but you're really a redneck dad. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," I do not appreciate that tone, young lady. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," The No-Fathers Day is a success! Laraby Finklestein and help me celebrate. Matt. Mugs ""Best Non-Father of the world."" There... T-shirts ""Who is your daddy? ""Available on fetedesnonperes.com. Looking greeting cards. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," ""For everything you do for your pear, for all the tape on your desk, on the road darkens your Porsche Carrera, I wish you... a night of threesome. Happy Birthday Non-Fathers. "" " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," Look at the illustration. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," It looks like an Asian hooker. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," Because at the Non-Fathers Day, you have a Thai girl you a blowjob. Tope, puns! " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," It puts you in the mash, then. Your only hope is to be negative. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," I'll tell you why my opponent says it all. Three words: fear of... babies. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," What? You're crazy. This is false. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," Really? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," And when we saw my cousin and her baby? She's so cute! " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," Where the party that Lily had done for her friend Erika?You do feel for this baby? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," I do not want to bite. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," And do not forget... " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," Pub with baby talk? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," Pub with baby talk. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," But you're not like that. You like children too. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Yes, I'm lovely, beautiful and brilliant, but it's enough? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," It comes down to one word: ""you"". Are you ready to put your dreams in the background? Back in college, taught art at the university? You have to concentrate on the project before starting Lily Baby Project. Otherwise, you'll regret it forever.And it would be good neither for you nor for the baby. What is it? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," The sock Jeremy. I will make a baby. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Well, and everything I said? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," But sock. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," And Marshall who works all the time? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," But sock. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," But but Lily Project! " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," With small fish. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," We had this debate, and this is the sock that makes you make the decision? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," I think you're taking a ""chausettogari"", eh, Robin? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Shut up, Dad. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," You, shut up, baby-phobic. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Babies are scary, OK? With their giant eyes. And seriously, the fontanelle? If there is a self-destruct button, at least, hide it where it will not accidentally press. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," Where is Lily? You have to drink? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Not a drop. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," I do not either. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Put a baby in me, Marshall. I'm ready. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," What are you doing here? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," I'm ready. This is the big night. Removing your seed melon-headed in my belly. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," What? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Come on, come on. Make me a baby. I'm ready. Hey, look. The types of the other building make me cuckoo. Hello, gentlemen! We will make a baby! " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," I dream, it has been lost. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," That's why I have no children. We can not even taking his eyes for a second. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," I can not find my file. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," I'm all out of ""A"" to ""G"". " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," They sit there with their stupid bottles. They cry. They vomit. That's why babies, it sucks. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," That's good that we have broken. I had totally forgotten your psychosis on the kids. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," My psychosis? Whenever you hear the word ""kid"", you have two small Milk tasks on your shirt. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," God thank you, you're not my mother. You're an ice queen. All you have breastfed baby by a frozen brain. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Do not depict me as a monster for wanting to remain independent. In there is a lot of people who do not want it. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," My brother, lay your hand on the box tops and repeat after me. Me, the false name you give to women. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," Swear to always choose the wet t-shirts to wet diapers. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," You're in good company there. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," I'll see if the toilet. I also want to bring you back buffer. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," Okay. When you have finished, you could ask a magician to heart. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," You know what? I should find another place to sleep. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," No argument. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Well. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," Super. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," Welcome to our fraternity of non-paternity. In is one of ours. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," Gentlemen, Mr. Li, if you will go to page 5 of your file merge. I think... " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," Nothing. I think you are... very beautiful today. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," I look at the future... of our two companies and it seems very... naked. Will you excuse me one second? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," Guys, you did not... This is a picture of me without children. And with macaroni glued to the frame. Guys, I love it. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Lily is not there. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," Your cell phone rang. I answered. Hope it bother you. Lily is at Marshall. She is fine. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," thank you God. What? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," When storing your mobile, I found something in your bag. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," I have a permit for that. And the other thing is a gift. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," You've stolen the Ca sock Jeremy. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," No. I do not know what she's doing there. It must have fallen into it. Bizarre! " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," ""Falling in? "" " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Or Lily put it there for fun. That bitch is stuffed. I took it.It's just... so cute. Sock. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," Robin Scherbatsky, you get the idea of having children? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," I know. One day, perhaps. When I'm 70. Science will catch me. I'm just... I'm lost right now. I'm unemployed, I live on a couch. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," There were two difficult months both. I have a room free.Why not come to me in the meantime? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Really? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," Yeah. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Thank you, Ted. I have some ideas, so it will be one week, two large max. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," I'm bored. Come and dance. Come fly a liquor store! " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," We're going nowhere. Each time we go out when you're drunk, you always fall asleep when you enter the... " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Let's dance! We gonna party all night! " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," Can you make several turns to make sure she is asleep? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," The last great idea for Fathers Day-No, a pregnancy test, but instead of a blue line, there is a small blue Barney who does that. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," Day of Non-Fathers, it sucks. It's a feast for the losers. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," What are you talking? This is a good group of friends. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," This is the effect cheerleaders. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," No, Ted. It works for girls. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Look at these guys, individually. These geniuses are not childless by choice, my friend. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Ted," Good night, Barney. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Robin," Good night. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," Sock. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," I smell pancakes with chocolate? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," No, you feel ""pancake, I'm sorry for being such a stupid drunk"" chocolate. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," There's no ""I wish not to throw up on you"" bacon? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Of course. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," Baby... " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," I blame myself for last night. I was really painful. I just panicked at the thought of whether we are ready to parent. But you are so well taken care of me. I know you're gonna be a good father. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," I want to be a father now. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," What? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," Last night, it was just... I share between work and drunk baby Lily, it was too. I just begin with this job, I work long hours... I love you. And I really want to have children one day.I just want... I want to be ready for that. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," Me too. When we're ready, I know you'll be fantastic. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," You too. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," You wanna make love, by protecting themselves now? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," Yes. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Lily," You want to finish your bacon first? " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Marshall," You're the perfect woman. " 4x07 - Not a Father's Day,Barney," ""And the cat is in the cradle and the silver spoon Little Boy Blue and the Man on the Moon. When are you going back home, Dad? I do not know when we're together then, son I know we will have a good time. "" " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Mm-hmm. And yes... we can. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Boyfriend. Barney Stinson is my boyfriend. I've said it, like, a hundred times it still sounds weird to say. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Well, anything sounds weird if you say it a hundred times. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"But other than that, things are good? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Bowl. Bowl. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"I don't know. I think Barney's been single for too long. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Bowl. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Like, the other night, I wake up at 4:00 a.m " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Bowl. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Barney, are you awake? Barney? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Barney. This is not a one-night stand. We're dating. Come back to bed. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Bowl. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"That's happened three times. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Bowl. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"And it's not just that, it's other things. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Hey. What's wrong? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"(crying) It was just one thing after another at work today, and then... (sniffling) I found out my aunt's in the hospital. I'm just, I'm feeling so overwhelmed and it's just... " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Shh, shh, shh. What you need to do is talk through this stuff. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Oh, thanks. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"And then, once you're off the phone with Lily, I'll be down in the bar ready to have sex. Mm-kay? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Bowl. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Look, I'm not the touchy-feely-est person in the world, but... a little more effort would be nice. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Bowl. Bowl. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"I understand. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Bowl. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"I guess, in a lot of ways, Barney doesn't stack up. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Bowl. Bowl. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"I mean, you've had some pretty incredible boyfriends. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"(at various pitches) Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"No, that's not it. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Bowl. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"I don't know. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Bowl " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Maybe he just doesn't have it in him. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Bowl. Bowl. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Maybe is whole thing's a big mistake. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Bowl? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"She really said that? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"And she meant it. Trust me. I dated Robin for a year-- if you don't want to lose her, you gotta try a little harder. Be more attentive to where she is emotionally. You know, just be present. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Yes, totally. Yeah. Only thing, and this is just me-- " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Mm-hmm. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"I like my testicles attached to my body, rather than rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. Stinson out! " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"He's cheating on me. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"What?! " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Why else would he buy me flowers? He's gettin' some on the side. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"Oh, come on, Robin. Barney's not the type of guy who would... Go on. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Plus, he keeps saying he's working late. But when I call his office, they say he left hours ago. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"Well, that doesn't prove anything. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Yes. Proof. Go word. I'm glad you brought that up. Barney's briefcase. He forgot it here this morning. (taking Barney's briefcase). " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"And what do you plan on doing with it? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"We, we-- you and I-- are going to open it up and look for evidence. Ted probably has a sledgehammer around here somewhere. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"No! Stop! Stop! Eye contact. Listen to me. Robin Scherbatsky is many thingsfriend, confidant, occasional guest star in some confusing dreams that remind me a woman's sexuality is a moving target. But she is no crazy, jealous stalker-bitch. (snatching the briefcase) Let go. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Marshall,"Hey, I've been down in the basement storage area going through all the stuff that Lily and I left behind when we moved out. I'm Robin. We should've cleared it out for you much sooner. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"There's a basement storage area? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Marshall,"Oh, you're not upset. Good. Baby, guess what I found. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"Oh, that's great, honey. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"What the hell is that? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"Marshall got it in college. He used it as a nightstand for years. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Marshall,"Until we found out that Lily was allergic to barrel resin " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"(slowly) Barrel resin? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"Just go with it. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"So you need a hand throwing it out? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Marshall,"No, I'm not... I'm not just going to throw her out, okay? Mabel's like family. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"So, um, what are you gonna do with Mabel? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Marshall,"I want to give her away, um, to a lucky new owner. Do you know anyone? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Yeah, hmm, let me think. Do I know any rodeo clowns? Oh, that's weird, I do. But even Lenny wouldn't go near that mess. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Marshall,"Well, he's not going to have the chance, because I am putting old Mabel in the Bermuda Triangle. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Marshall,"This is so exciting. Right now there's some out there who has no idea that tonight they're going home with just... just the best barrel. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Well, let's just hope they're not allergic to barrel sin like Lily here. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"(to Robin) Be cool, baby. Damn! (toMarshall who is leaving with his barrel) See you, sweetie. Good luck. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Marshall,"Bye, babe. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"Now, can we please get out of here? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Yeah. I'll grab my coat. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Oops. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"A college notebook?! " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Oh, my God, he's cheating on me with some college girl. I knew there was a skank but I thought she'd at least be dumb.(reading the notebook) ""BirthdayJuly 23.Favorite hockey teamthe Vancouver Canucks. Age29, but tells people that she's 26."" Oh, my God,these are notes about me. Or some 29-year-old version of me. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Marshall,"I hope I'm not too late! I want to see the look of joy on the new owner's face! " 5x03 - Robin 101,Marshall,"She's still there! Okay Mabel, let's find you a new home. Here comes a guy! And he... he just walked, walked right on by it. He's probably rushing home to get a handcart or something. Yeah! Hey, better hurry up, pal. What are you guys doing with Barney's secret Robin notebook? Let me rephrase that. Did you two ladies lose some weight? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"What do you know about this,Marshall? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Why would Barney have a notebook full of information about me? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Marshall,"Well... " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Welcome to Robin 101. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Why is Ted teaching a class about me? It all started a few weeks ago. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"...rather than rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. Stinson out! " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Stinson back in. Say, hypothetically, I did want to change who I am to become a better boyfriend to Robin, which I do not! What kind of changes are we talking about? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Why, I mean, there's just so much you need to know about her. Okay, for starters, don't ever cry in front her. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Okay. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"And whatever you do, don't cry in front of her four times. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Hey, guys. What you talking about? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Fantasy football. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Marshall,"They realized they couldn't talk about this stuff at the bar, and since you live with Ted, they had to find someplace safe. So... Ted's classroom. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted," " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"I'm bored. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"You said you wanted my help. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Can we draw boobs on the chalkboard? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"We did that ready. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney," " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"No. Look, I need this, too. I've only been a professor a few weeks. Being up here, it's, it's good practice for me. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Can we have class outside? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"No! What Robin really wants deep down... " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Barney! " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"What? I'm tweeting about you. You should be flattered. How do you spell blah-blah-blah- ""H's"" or no? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Wow, you were just, like, the worst student in the world, weren't you? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"They said I had A-D... something. Can we have class outside? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Barney, I'm only gonna say this once, so listen up. I love you and I love Robin. And I want to make this work. So if you give me a few weeks of attention, I could give you a lifetime of happiness. Can you do that for me? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Do you think I should get Sports Illustrated for 70% off the cover price? Can we have class outside? I got to find a way to reach this kid. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"(reading) ""Class number two."" " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"""Top Ten Robin Scherbatsky Facial Expressions and Their Meaning."" " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Now, notice the vacant eyes, the pale, queasy expression, suggesting nausea. What do these mean? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"You guys just had sex? Oh! Wasn't me. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Dude! I worked really hard on these slides, okay? Can we just... " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Okay. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"This look is hunger. If you ever see Robin looking like this, get some food in her quick,or one of two things will happen. Oneweird, out-of-context laughter. (changing the photo) Or twospontaneously falling to sleep in strange places. But the most important facial expression of all? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"That's a building. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Oh... (chuckling) That's for my class. TheFlatironBuilding. Fun story about it. It was designed byChicago's Daniel Burnham in the beaux arts style; this architectural gem... " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Dude! " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Right. The most important facial expression of all. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Whoa... " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Flared nostril ridges. Wide, unblinking eyes. If you ever, ever see this face, Barney, run. And don't take a picture of it. She will punch you. And you will cry... for the third time... that night. Which brings us to an important pointdefusing the b*mb. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"""Defusing the b*mb""? What does that even mean? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"(reading) ""Three Topics To Distract Robin From Being Mad At You."" " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"""Distract"" me? Oh, that is so condescending. These guys are really starting to piss me off! " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"""Immediately switch the conversation To one of the following, ""unless you want Robin to start throwing her shoes."" " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"One. ""Vancouver Canucks 2004 Division Title."" " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"What?! That's not distracting. That's just talking about the story of a scrappy little underdog team that prevailed despite very shaky goal ending and, frankly, the declining skills of Trevor Linden. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Two""Proper g*n Cleaning and Maintenance."" " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"You have to clean your g*n. My uncle had a filthy old g*n, blew both his thumbs off trying to sh**t a beaver. You want to distract someone, make them watch my uncle try to eat corn on the cob. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Three""Emperor Penguins."" " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Did you know that before intercourse, the male and female emperor penguins bow to each other? Mr. Penguin (bowing). Mrs. Penguin (boxing). Oh, God, silly penguins, acting all fancy. ( she laugs) What were we talking about? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Marshall,"(looking out the window)Uh-oh. Looks like we got a taker. Oh, come on, dude. You know you want to A guy like you, beard, no mustache. You're exactly the kind of guy who could use a sweet barrel. Do it. (a dog pees on the barrel) No. No. That's not a fire hydrant! What... " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"Neither can you, sweetie. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Marshall,"Well, he doesn't know that, baby! God! " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Ted's only teaching Barney horrible things about me. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"I don't know. Check this out. This is actually kind of sweet. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Now, we all know Robin's not what you'd call ""touchy-feely."" She doesn't say, ""I love you,"" like a normal person. Instead, she'll laugh, shake her head, give you a little smile and say, ""You're an idiot."" " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"""You're an idiot""? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Yup. If she tells you you're an idiot, you're a lucky man. And if she does say ""I love you,"" she's already broken up with you in her mind. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"I think 's nice that Ted knows you that well. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Ah, well, too bad it's next to a page entitled... " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"""Robin Scherbatsky's Surprising Erogenous Zones."" Right knee-- ticklish. Left knee... " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Does lefty like that? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Oh, yeah...lefty like that. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"I can't believe I'm taking sexual advice from Ted Mosby. That's like taking fashion advice from... well, Ted Mosby. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"Oh, here's a good one. ""Top Five Things Never to Do Around Robin."" " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Three""Never, ever play the 'Guess Who' game with her."" " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"What do you mean? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"(arriving behind Robin and putting his hands over her eyes) Guess who? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"(afraid) It's me! It's me! It's me! " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Number four""Unless you want to see it 80 times a day, for the next month, never show Robin a YouTube clip of an animal playing a musical instrument."" " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Barney! Do you have a problem with this class? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Yeah, it's boring as hell and I'm not learning anything. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Uh, well, maybe the problem is your attitude. You're not listening to a word I say. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Uh-huh. Uh, can you hear this, Professor? (showing is thumb down) Or should I turn it up for you? (he turns it up). " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Oh, you think you're not learning anything, huh? Okay. Pop quiz. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"What... " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"When Robin's PMS-ing, what kind of chocolate should you get her? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Trick question. Get her butterscotch. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Correct! Why? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Butterscotch is to Canadian women what chocolate is to American women. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Correct! What is Robin's dream job? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"To become the most successful female TV journalist of all time. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Correct! And if she achieves that, will she truly be happy? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"No! Robin's deep-seated need for attention can traced back to her father's emotional distance, and no amount of success will ever make up for what she truly needs, which is six simple words from her Dad""Robin, I'm proud of you, eh?"" " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Yes! But I guess you're right. You haven't learned anything. Sorry to have wasted your time. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"""Oh, Captain! My Captain!"" " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"How good was Dead Poet's Society? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"I know, right? The end? Tears. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"(closing the book) Okay, can I just say that my deepest need in life not to have my father to say, ""I am proud of you, eh?"" " 5x03 - Robin 101,Marshall,"So why are you crying now? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"I'm not crying. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"(hugging her) Oh, sweetie. Can I get you some butterscotch? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Oh, stop it. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Wait a second. It says here that the class meets at 6:15 on Tuesday. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"So? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"That's right now. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Now, as you can see, well over 50% of the blankets have been dragged onto her side. Make no mistake. Robin Scherbatsky is a classic, textbook... cover hog. Any questions? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Yeah, I have one. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Yes, Robin? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"(to barney) Flared nostril ridges. Wide, unblinking eyes. Uh-oh. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"I got this. So, emperor penguins-- crazy, huh? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"What the hell do you two think you're doing? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Marshall, did you sells out? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Marshall,"I was vulnerable, I said good-bye to a very dear friend today. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Dude, it's a barrel! " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Aw! You're giving Mabel away? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"I have so many questions. Why would you do this? What were you thinking? Who the hell is that guy? (showing a guy in the classroom). " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Oh, that's Shin-Ya. He's sort of been auditing the class. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"""Auditing""? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Well, tried to explain to him it wasn't a real class, but I don't think he speaks much English. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"On the bright side, he came in handy standing in for you during the role-playing exercises. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Wait. You did role-playing exercises where I was played by Shin-Ya? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"You know, I can't believe you, Ted. You actually think you're some kind of an expert on me? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Hey! He is an expert. He's a great teacher! " 5x03 - Robin 101,Lily,"(sneezing)Kiss ass. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"You know, half the stuff in this notebook is patently wrong. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Uh, really? Name one wrong thing. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"""Robin Scherbatsky's Surprising Erogenous Zones""? Let me clear something up for you, Ted. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Does lefty like that? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin," " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Don't wanna leave out the righty. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Oh, uh, no. Um, the right one's ticklish, I guess. But the left one, yeah, I'm glad you're back there. Because that is just some sweet, sweet lovin'. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Noted. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"That was a lie? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"We had just started dating. I was being nice. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"(to Barney) And you. You know, I got it into my head this week that you were cheating on me. I even broke open your briefcase to look for evidence. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"That is a huge violation of my privacy! Go on. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"You know, in a way, I was right. You cheated. You can't get some crib sheet on dating me. That's not how it works. If we didn't figure out how to be with each other in a real, honest way, I don't see the point of even trying. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"What do you want? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Look. All that stuff I told Barney... It was personal between you and me. I'm really sorry. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"I guess I'm impressed by how much you remembered. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"It's funny. When you date someone, it's like you're taking one long course in who that person is and then, when you break up, all that stuff becomes useless. It's the emotional equivalent of an English degree. I guess I just liked the idea of putting all my Robin Scherbatsky knowledge to good use, you know? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"Well, since you know me pretty well... am I fooling myself with this whole Barney thing? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"I don't know. I will say this, though. I've seen Barney work very hard to get women. I've seen him work very hard to get rid of women. I've never seen him work this hard to keep one around. I was going to give him an A. Well, B+ -- Shin-Ya kind of screwed up the curve. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Hey. Before you say anything, I am done with this stupid Robin 101, okay? Here, I'll get rid of the notebook. (he throws it on the barrel) But there's... there's something that I did want to say to you. Robin, I have been with a lot of women, blondes, brunettes, redheads, big boobs, small " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"You're an idiot. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"You know... " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Hmm? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Robin,"That notebook, um, does contain a lot of personal info, and I think it has my home address. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"And your work address. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Barney,"Whoa. " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Designed byChicago's Daniel Burnham in the beaux arts style, this architectural gem was the first of its kind... " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Yes, Susan? " 5x03 - Robin 101,Ted,"Right. That-That... was Daniel Burnham's wife. She was a troubled, troubled woman. We are moving on." 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"And so, due to one architectural oversight, the Toledo Bridge Disaster of 1906 claimed the lives of 75 people. Now, I hate to stop while I'm on a roll, but happy Halloween, ya crazies! " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Nah, I got a thing. But you kids have fun trick or treating. This is a treat. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"Did it hurt? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"What? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"Getting that kid's nose surgically removed from your ass. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"It's not her nose that's in my ass, Lily, it's her heart. My class loves me; I-I'm really making an impression on those guys. I'd like to make impression on those guys. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"Man, I love the office Halloween party. It is so much sluttier than the office Christmas party. Though not as freaky as the office President's Day Rave. Or the office Tu B'Shvat Pajama Jammy-Jam. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Hey, Randy. Uh, you want a beer? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"I wouldn't consider any part of that bragging. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Robin? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"Robin has another party to go to. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"But she might stop by later. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Look at them heading home after their dirty, filthy hookups. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"(shudders) Looks like that bee got busy. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Looks like that French maid didn't turn down somebody's bed. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Oh, looks like Pocahontas has a couple of wounded knees. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Come on, Marshall. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"That's a line. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"No, it's because of the... " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"We get it. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"Does it get any better than this? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Uh, yes. ( " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"Crap. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"There she is Florence Night-In-Bed-With-A-Stranger. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"So, who's the lucky patient? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"I don't want to talk about it. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Please tell me you're not hooking up with one of your co-anchors again. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"My co-anchor's a woman. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"Please tell me you are hooking up with one of your co-anchors again. (laughing) " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"You did a commercial? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"You're a journalist! Don't you want to be taken seriously? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"Okay, well, if you really think this is going to help your image. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Robin, you gotta not worry so much about being liked. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"Oh, easy for you to say. Everybody loves you at your job. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Hmm... Boo... freakin'... hoo. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Architecturally significant?! Zoey, you're very pretty. Your hair smells great. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"You don't know the first thing about architecture. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"I'm a professor, okay? I teach this stuff at one of the best colleges in the country. I don't go down to your place of non-employment and lecture you about how your little protest is a misguided waste of time, except whoops, I just did. Ha-burn. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Well, I should head up. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"I care about our precious Earth. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Yeah. Okay, get that camera out of my face before I flip you like a cheese omelet. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"All you have to do is say ""I care about making dreams come true."" " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"First of all, that line makes me sound like a hooker and saying it makes me feel like a hooker, so. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"Everyone is in this video. Randy's in the video. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Wait. Randy, did you send the Hermanson contracts downtown? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"They never arrived at the downtown office. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"You shredded them?! " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"That's not an expression! That has never been an expression! " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"I'll say thisThere is no quit in that guy. You should fire him. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Okay, that, that right there. That attitude is exactly why I won't be in your video. Because GNB doesn't care. They hand out pink slips like they're hors d'oevres. Just last week, I was talking to Arthur... " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"GNB treats people like they're disposable, and I will not be a part of that. Marshall Eriksen does not fire people, period. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Period. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"Just tell me who you slept with! " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"Lily, I don't want to get into it, okay? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"Aha, it's someone we know. If it was some ding dong we didn't know, you'd just give me his name. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"Fine. It's Bill Pepper. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"Bill Pepper? Mm-hmm. Kind of a coincidence there happens to be a bill and a pepper shaker here on the table. Any chance you and Bill had a three-way with Fork Napkin? It's someone we know! " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"So, I'm assuming you all read the chapters on the Greek Revival architecture. Any questions? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"What are you doing here? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Very well, then, let's get started. (clears throat) Some examples of Greek Revival architecture... " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"No. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Getting back to Greek Revival... " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"I lost them. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"Look, you're new at teaching. In my kindergarten class, I have had plenty of troublesome students. Like Johnny Marley... " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"Johnny? Johnny! " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"He and that little stuffed horsey raised all kinds of hell. But I have a simple method for shutting down troublemakers. You know that '98 Taurus that's always parked outside? The one with the really annoying alarm? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"We're familiar with it. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"Well, when a kid like Johnny acts up in my class... " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"Shuts them right up. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Lily, my students are adults, and I treat them that way. I'll just give them more candy and make them a mix CD. Problem solved. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"Oh, baby, what's wrong? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Something bad happened. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Randy, hey, have you seen the... " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"That's the Hermanson contract? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"I need the Filbert contract! " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Sorry, Randy, but... this just isn't working out. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"Marshall popped his cherry! Oh! Come on, Marshall, you have to admit, the guy was a disaster. I mean, it reflected badly on the company. He was an embarrassment. A huge embarrassment. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"You slept with Randy! " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"What?! " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"Why, it's elementary, my dear Scherbatson. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"Your co-host is getting super-popular because of her stupid commercial, ""Boats! Boats! Boats!"" So, when you arrived at the GNB party after we left, you were feeling vulnerable and drunk. Then, from across the not-so-crowded conference room, your eyes met. And as we all remember... Randy has a unique condition. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"Yeah, your nose is bleeding like a faucet. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"That's...exactly what happened. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"See, Marshall, if getting fired is an execution, at least the guy had a last meal. I promise you, tomorrow you'll feel a lot better. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Randy, hey, what's going on? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Thank you. So where you headed now? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"No!! " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"It's okay, baby. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Arthur, I'm here because I made a mistake. I fired Randy yesterday. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"No, sir, that is what's wrong with this company. How can we say ""GNB Cares,"" and then turn around and treat someone like that? I mean, sure, he made a few mistakes but everybody makes mistakes. Like, like Tugboat here. Aw. I bet you he's made some mistakes. And you didn't fire Tugboat, did you? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Exactly-- kind of. Randy doesn't need to be fired. He needs to be fixed. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"No, sir, I'm saying instead of getting rid of someone when they screw up, we should... we should help them. We should nurture them. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Guys, Prof Rock is a really good mix, okay? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Boo... freakin'... " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"The one day I miss the sack circle, you guys sub her in? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"No. I was returning a hot dog costume that you all enjoyed. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"And did it work? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Like gangbusters. We're buddies again. After class, we hacked a little sack to the thumpin' strains of my Prof Rock CD. And no, none of them had heard the Pixies B-side. Actually, none of them had heard of the Pixies. Or a B-side. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"Uh-oh. I know that smile. Lily, there's no easy way to say this. Marshall's dead. Randy m*rder him. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"No. I know why Randy is smiling. You're smiling because of Robin. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"I'm trying to eat here, buddy. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"No. Because you slept with her on Halloween. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"You didn't sleep with her? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"So why are you smiling? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"This just isn't working out. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Randy, great news! You're not fired! " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Good morning, everybody... Where's my class? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"I got you your job back, Randy. I thought that you'd be happy. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Well, then quit. No one's stopping you. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Well, I'm sorry Randy, but that's called fraud. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Even if I wanted to fire you, after my talk with Arthur... " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Listen, Randy, I'm sorry, but I broke my own moral code once and I felt evil. I will not let GNB change me. I will never fire anyone again ever. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"Anyhoo, while I got you-- big smile. ""We care about making dreams come true,"" in three, two... " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"What are you doing? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"No, it's actually, um, nice having some of this clutter off my desk. So thank you, Randy. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"I don't know what I'm going to use this for, but it's great stuff. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"I've been meaning to clean out that file cabinet for ages. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"I'm not even here. Randy, the coffee. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Oh! Okay. Okay. Thank you, Randy. I've been meaning to cut back on my caffeine. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"Here, try this, but really go for it. Remember, this guy ruined your life. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"That's just the pick-me-up I needed. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"Speaking of pickups, can we try the first one again? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"Hello. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"It didn't work. They hate me. How do I get them to like me again? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"You don't. Ted, you're their teacher. The only people that like their teachers... " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"I like my teachers. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,":...are dorks. Except for you, Miles. Ted, you just have to learn to embrace their hatred. Because behind that hatred lies fear. And you can use use that fear, like I did with Johnny Marley. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Was there more to that story? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"A little bit. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Lily, you're a psychopath. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"A little bit. Oh, a panda! " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Anyone not in class tomorrow gets an ""F."" " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"You said that? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Well, technically, they'd get an incomplete, but I thought ""F"" had a nice, scary ring to it. Right? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"Yeah. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"Hey, guys. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"Robin, who'd you sleep with? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"I told you-- Randy. He was a machine. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Lily,"Where's the poop, Robin? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"Fine. I didn't sleep with anyone. The thing is, ever since Becky did that commercial, everyone at work loves her. So, the day after Halloween, I was in a commercial. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"What... Why didn't you tell us? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"I'm going to the bathroom right now. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"Say... ""Ah..."" " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Ted,"Wow! I can't wait to see it. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Robin,"Well, hopefully you never will. They said that they might not even use it. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"You think working here is my dream? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"Randy. This is delicious. You're fired. " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Marshall,"I care about making dreams come true. You got what you need? " 6x07 - Canning Randy,Barney,"Yep. That's a wrap. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"Whoo!!! " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Lily! All we need is your indoor ""whoo."" " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"Sorry. (slower) Whoo! It's just they kissed! They're finally a couple. Oh, my God, you guys! This is our first double date! First of millions! What if our kids get married?! Oh I love this! " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Yeah, Lily, listen. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Barney's awesome. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Robin's more than just awe-""some."" She's awe-""quite a bit."" She's awe-""a whole darn lot."" " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"Wait, what are you saying? " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"We're just not feeling it right now. But we'll totally still be friends. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Oh yeah. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"Is it something I did? " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Oh no, no, no. God, no. Lily, it's not you. It's us. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Yeah, It's us. You understand, right? " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"Sure, of course. As long as you're happy, I'm happy. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"We were gonna take cooking lessons together and we were gonna go on camping trips together and then we were gonna sit around telling funny stories about our cooking lessons and our camping trips. " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"(trying to console her) I know. I Know. So... has the boat sailed on sex tonight or... " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"Wow! What's this? " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"It's just a little something that we got for you that used to belong to my favourite professor of all time. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"A fedora! (he puts it on his head and pulls out a whip) I'm Indiana Jones! I'm Indiana Jones!! " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"That, my friend, is the Dominator 8000, the best bullwhip on the market, according to my whip guy. Yeah, I have a whip guy. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"You know what we should do? We should... " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"Finish our drinks, go out in the alley, and whip stuff. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"God... you just get me. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"OK, I should get going. I got a date. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"You're still seeing that guy? " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Even better, seeing him naked. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"(striking their fist) What! " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"I should go, too. I hooked up with this Chinese girl last night and I don't know, it's weird. I already feel like seconds. " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"OK Ted, You got first whip! " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"All right. (imitating Clint Eastwood) Hey, dummy (to a mannequin). What did tell you about smoking in here? " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"Make him whip the habit! I'so excited about this whip! I got whip fever! Just whip him, Ted! Don't even aim! Just whip him! " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"I'm so sorry. " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"It's just the whip's not a toy. There's such a thing as common sense, you know. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"You can whip me if you want. " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"I will, some other time. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"Whoo!!!!!! " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"So, how long has this been going on? " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"All summer. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! You guys are boyfriend and girlfriend. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Wow, wow... " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Girlfriend? " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Slow your roll there, Lilypad. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Yeah, yeah. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"You've been together all summer. I don't get it. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Ok, It's like this. After we kissed, we sat down to have the talk. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"We should figure out what this is. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Yes, we should. Or. Or... " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Okay, now, we have to figure this out. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Yes, we do. Or. Or... " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"We kept trying to have the talk and then we realized we hate the talk. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Yeah, the talk sucks. You have to, like, talk. And be all, ""I don't know. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"You needs it. Guys, you can't just keep hooking up and not at least try and figure out what you mean to each other. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Yeah, we knew you would say that. That's why we kept it a secret. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Well, that and the fact that elaborate lies really turn us on. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"No, no, no (trying to hold Barney who tries to kiss Robin). You need to define the relationship. You ne to have the talk. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Or. Or... " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"I know what you're all thinking. Who's this cool peer of mine up in front the class?"" I know the board says ""Professor Mosby,"" but to you I'm Ted. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"Question. Awesome. Hit it. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"They're at home. I... " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"Oh, God. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"Barney, it was awful. I was teaching... " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Ted, now's not a good time. Where do you keep your condoms? " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"I am freaking out. I don't think I can do this. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Okay, look, mistake number 1 was taking that girl's question. You don't take questions on the first day. It shows weakness. Mistake number 2 was you should've hit that. Dude, your pants were already off, you had a classroom full of people to cheer you on, and you can't knock her up 'cause it's a dream. Class dismissed. " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"Mistake number 3, dude, where was the hat? Cause if you're not going to wear it, I'm taking it back. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"I think what Barney's saying is that definitions are important. You're their teacher, not their friend. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Exactly. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"If people don't know their place, nobody's happy. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Amen. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"You have to make things clear. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Run tell that. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"Define the relationship. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Yes! No! Lily, private convo time. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Lily, can't you just let us be happy? " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"You're not happy. You just think you're happy because you feel happy. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"And that's not happy? " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"Of course not. You and Robin need to have the talk. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Why? Give me one good reason. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"I'll give you 20... " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Waow, You can't even think of one. Headlights. Dear. Lily, for the last time, things with me and Robin are as good as they can possibly be. Oh, hey, look, Brad's here. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Euh, oh, hum, heu... " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Come on, Brad, that's... Wow, There's really six of them. But, I can't. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"No. No, no boyfriend. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Hey Brad. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"I just thought of a reason. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"You're probably wondering why I've been quiet all night. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Damn it, Hordichuk! You miss another gimme like that, I'm gonna come down there and put a slapper right up your beerhole! Come on! " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"The truth is, I feel kind of weird being out with you. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"What? " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"No, Brad, no, it's... " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"God, no... Brad, no... This is about me and Barney. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Well, we don't know what we are. I mean, my heart says ""leap into it."" My brain says ""it's a bad idea."" " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"We're not gonna have the talk. " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"Would you just have the talk, okay? It's a five-minute conversation, and then you get to have sex afterwards. It's great! Back me up, Ted. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"I don't think the talk is necessary. " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"What?! " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Thank you, Ted. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"Because Robin is already his girlfriend. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"What?! " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"MacLaren's Bar, four years ago... " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"How do you keep a girl from becoming your girlfriend? Simple, the rules for girls are the same as the rules for gremlins. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"""Gremlins""? " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Gremlins. Rule number 1. Never get them wet. In otherords, don't let her take a shower at your place. Number 2. Keep them away from sunlight. I.E. Don't ever see them " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"What about brunch? Is brunch cool? " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"No, Ted. Brunch is not cool. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"OK, new topic. How do I pick a tie? " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Simple. Remember in the movie Predator... " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"I've done all three of those things with Robin. Is she my girlfriend? " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"Just once, I wish you guys would call me on Tuxedo Night. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Why not? Lay it on me. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Hey Brad! " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Brad, we can't fight like this all night! We both got some good shots in. Let's call a truce! " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Wow, wow, wow, Girlfriend? Hey, come on. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"That's putting it a bit strongly. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"A bit strongly. She's not my girlfriend. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"A gifriend's a bit much, Brad, okay? " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"Okay, seriously. We're at the point of physical violence. Now, will you please have the talk? " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Because of that? Come on. That's my thing. I'm always punching guys. Girls... I'll punch a baby. I don't care. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"(for himself) Wait. Does professor have one ""F"" or two? Oh, my God... Oh, my God! Professor. Pro-fess-or. They're all staring at me. I don't know. Just do something! Two ""F's"". That looks right. I think that's right. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Hey, sorry I went little too far last night. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"We've been over this. Unless I say ""flugelhorn"" you haven't gone too far. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"No, I meant punching Brad. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Right. Look, don't even worry about it. It's... " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"God. The doorknob's broken off. We're locked in here. Did, did you do this? " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"No. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Flugelhorn. Did you do this? " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"(knocking at the door) Ted, are you out there? " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"(sitting behind the door) Ted's not here, Robin. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Lily, let us out of here. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"I'd be glad to. Just as soon as you and Barney have the talk. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Lily! Come on. Let us out! " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"No. Sit down, define the relationship, write down that definition on a piece of paper, slip it under the door, and if I like what I read, you can go. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"We are not having the talk! " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"Then you'll die in there. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"You're gonna lock us in here? Well, guess what? Maybe we'll spend the whole day having sex! " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"Well, guess what? I broughtMarshall with me, so maybe we'll do the same. " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"Hey, guys. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"Good morning. 'Sup, dudes? Silence! This is Architecture 101. I am Professor Mosby. But you can call me Ted. Professor Mosby. T-Dawg. Do not call me T-Dawg. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Never take questions on the first day. It shows weakness. Also, don't look right here (showing girl's boobs). Okay, good luck. Byesies. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"Please save all your questions until the end of the lecture. Thank you! Now... " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"Here's your think-about-it for the day. Every single person in this room... is already an architect. " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"(reading)We're just hanging out."" " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"Just hanging out? Not good enough. " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"(whipping with the whip) Not good enough! " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"Can anyone here tell me what this class is really all about? " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"Don't laugh. He's not... He's not entirely wrong. An architect must be economical in his use of space, so... well done. Looks like someone's building towards an A. " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"(reading the new note slipped by Robin) ""We're seeing where things are going."" " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"I'll tell you where things aren't doing... out of that bedroom. Not good enough. " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"(whipping) Not good enough! " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"(to a student) You... Why do you want to be an architect? " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"Yes, exactly. It's not something you want to be. It's something you need to be. You don't have a choice, right? None of you has a choice. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"No questions! " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"(reading the new note) ""We're Barnman and Robin."" (he laughs) Come on, you got to admit, that's kind of fun, Lily. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"Not... good enough. " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"(whipping) Not good enough! " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"So if any of you have even the slightest inclination to do anything with your life other than become an architect, you're wasting my time and yours. There's the door... You can go. I'm serious. Get out, now. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"Wait... Don't... all leave! Architecture's fun! Look! I brought a hacky sack! " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"Sorry, sir. This is... Architecture 101. Who invited their dad, right? " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"Euh, yeah, but, I'm sure 200 architecture students and their professor all got the room wrong. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"Kids, out of my way! Sorry. Coming through. Excuse me. Coming through. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"20 minutes late on your first day? That's rough. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"Yeah, but here's the funny thing. By that point, I didn't have time to think about what kind of teacher I was going to be. I just got up there and talked about architecture. And it was kind of great. " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"That's awesome, Ted. " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"Congratulations, buddy. " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"Thanks. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"(from her room) Nice job, Ted. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"(from Robin's room) Hey, Ted, door five! Were you there? " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"(to Barney) Yeah, I got you, buddy. (to Marshall and Lily) They still haven't had the talk? " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"I think I know how to speed things up " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Not cool! " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"Pancakes, fresh bacon. It is so yummy. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"(to Barney) Dude, I'm starving. Let's... Let's just have the stupid talk. Come on. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Fine. But how do these things even work? What do we say? " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"(reading) Where do you see this relationship going? My God, that sounds so cheesy. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney," I know, right? " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Totally. But hum... Where do you see this relationship going? " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"I don't know. I mean, it's not like I don't like you. I just haven't had a girlfriend " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Mad? I feel the same way. I suck at relationships. I mean, except with Ted. He really got it right. I know it's a cliché, but... he really ruined me for other men. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Maybe we should go back to being just friends. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Maybe. But hum... I don't want to stop having sex. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Good. Me, neither. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Friends isn't gonna work. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"We're not good at being friends. We're not good at being in a relationship. What are we good at? " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"I know something we're good at. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"I don't know. If we're gonna do it again, I'm gonna need some Gatorade... " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"No,not that. Lying. Think about it. We spent the whole summer lying about being just friends. Why not just keep lying? " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"Really? " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Really. We sat down. We had the talk. Barney's my boyfriend now. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"And Robin's my girlfriend. I know it sounds nuts, but it feels good to say. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"We're both afraid of commitment but... the fact is, we also can't live without each other. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"And if the alternative is not being together, then it's worth taking this risk 'cause... she's awesome. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"And he's awesome. He looks nice in a suit. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"She can handle her Scotch. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin," " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"And she's my girlfriend. " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"(whipping) Good enough! " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"(leaving the building) She bought it. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Hook, line, and sinker. We are good. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Totally. So, you want to get some breakfast? " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"You know, brunch actually does sound kind of good. " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin,"Well, lead the way, sweetie pie. " 5x01 - Definitions,Barney,"Flugelhorn? " 5x01 - Definitions,Robin," " 5x01 - Definitions,Ted,"You do realize they were lying, right? " 5x01 - Definitions,Lily,"No, Ted, they don't realize they weren't lying. " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"Hello. Hello. Good evening. Hello. Don't get up. Didn't we meet on a yacht? Hello. " 5x01 - Definitions,Marshall,"What? Did I not tell you guys that it was Tuxedo Night? Doesn't feel very good, does it?" 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," Are you saying you don't wanna be bros anymore? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," I'm saying I don't wanna be friends anymore. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," It's Barney. Dude, seriously you need to stop calling me. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Yeah I never called you, you called me fifteen times and my parents twice. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," I'm sorry, I gotta let you go. It's just too many good wingmen out there. Ted are you crying? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," No I'm not. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," Sh! Let it out, let it out. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Goodbye Barney. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Lily," So are you two back together? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," No. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Marshall," I miss Barney. I haven't ""high five"" with anyone like a week. I think I might be starting to lose my fist bone careless. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Robin," Let me ask you something Ted. Why are you so much madder at Barney than me? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Lily," Yeah! She had just as much sex with Barney as Barney had with her. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Robin," You know what? I'm not sure that's true. I think I actually prefered if you are mad at me. This is too weird. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," I'm not mad at anybody. I've forgiven you. And I've outgrown Barney as a friend. It's that's simple. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Lily," I will tell you why he is not mad. Because he is so happy with Stella. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Lily," You guys haven't had sex yet!!?? When Marshall and I were two months, we were doing it 24/7. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," I know, I was in the top bunk. Also sat next to you at football games. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Lily," So what you guys waiting for? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," I think she wants to make sure we are serious first, that's why she hasn't introduced me to her daughter either. She wants to take things slow. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Marshall," Wait, so you haven't had sex since like Thanksgiving. Do you know how many big federal holidays have come and gone since then. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Lily," Oh baby, do you remember Martin Luther King day? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Marshall," Yeah, I do. We ode that dude big time. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Look, I'm crazy about this girl, if waiting is what it takes, then I'm fine with that. And totally unrelated note. Does anybody have gamma icer or a piece of bark that you are not chewing? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," No offence Randy, but there is a long list of candidats for this slot. This slot is for vice president of awesome. And you are like assistant under secretary of only ok. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," Pitt, Barney Stinson! " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," Yeah. Yeah. So, listen you should meet me in McLaren's tonight. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," So what do you think? 9:30 or 10 o'clock? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," Starry Porten, Barney Stinson. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," I need a new bro, what do you say? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," Oh, I understand. Duck Stan is a good bro. I'm happy for you. Best of luck. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," Crazy Willie! Barney Stinson. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," Yes finally! " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," Hanging up on you once wasn't enough. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Let's have sex. Right now, I'll lock the door. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," We can do it against the door. It'll be hot! It'll be like a three-way: you, me and the door. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," I'm sorry. We're waiting. It's cool. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," I was afraid of this. You're 14. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Wow. It's funny that you say that. Me too. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," It's been a while. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," It's been five months for you too? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Marshall," Wow. Stella hasn't had sex since 2003. Let's just put this in context. The last time Stella had sex, the movie, Seabiscuit, had just galloped into the theaters... and our hearts. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Lily," Five years! God, if I even went one year, I would be out on the street selling it for a nickel. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Marshall," The last time Stella had sex, the world was just learning about SARS. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Robin," Well, Ted, what else did she said? Did she gave you any kind of explanation? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," But nobody in five years? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," In my defense, they were staring at me. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Lily," So what does this mean for you? Is she ever wanna want to get intimate? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Actually... " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Your pillow talk's a little rusty. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," That's great. Like ""right now"" ready? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," So, her sister's driving up to baby-sit Lucy, and we're getting a hotel room in the city Saturday night. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Marshall," The last time Stella had sex, The Da Vinci Code had just come out. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Robin," Well that's doesn't seem like that long ago. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Marshall," Not the movie, the book. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Robin," Wow. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," It's a lot of pressure, isn't it? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Lily," You know what? It's not. This woman needs it bad. Anything you do is going to be fireworks. I remember my longest drought... " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Lily," It was that summer I lived in San Francisco. I hadn't had been with Marshall since two months and 19 days. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Lily," Oh, San Francisco! " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," I don't know Lily, after five years, her expectations have gotta be pretty high. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," I really gonna have to bring my A-game to satisfy this woman. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Robin," Yeah, it'll be pretty hard now that she's dead. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Not Nell Carter... Stella. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Marshall," Dude, relax, it's all about expectations management. Do you know why I hated Jerry Maguire so much? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Because you're dead inside? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Marshall," No, because you built it up for, like, two weeks, saying it was the greatest movie ever. With Stella, do the opposite: lower expectations. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Right, right, and then no matter what happens, she'll be happy. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Robin," No. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," Hey, Randy. Could you come here for a minute? Good news. I'm calling you up to the majors. Starting tomorrow night, how would you like to be my new wingman? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," I have a surprise appetizer for us today. Check it out. Potato skins. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Yeah. Right? God, it's been forever since I had potato skins. I remember them as being pretty much the most delicious things ever. Huh. That's surprising. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," This potato skin. It's good but not nearly as good as I'd built it up to be in my head. Even though potato skin performed admirably, and is a totally respectable size... I couldn't enjoy it because of my own unrealistic expectations. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," No. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," No. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," No. It's just that this is a big deal for you. I mean, it's like your virginity: the sequel. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Exactly, and I don't want to mess it up. I don't want you to ever wonder if was worth it. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," ""Unexpected number of testicules?"" " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," Hey. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," No, uh-uh. Randy, we never use the word ""bro"" in the name of a failed Democratic vice presidential candidate. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," You know what? I'm excited about this, Randy. You will be my next masterpiece. It's like with Ted. When I first met him, he was an even bigger loser than you. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," But tonight, I'm going to make you the greatest wingman in the history of wingmen. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," Oh, okay, Randy, let's do this. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," You ready? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," What? What's the matter? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," Randy what are you doing? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," Hey, laddies. Have you met... " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Hey. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," So, here's the plan. Take a horse-drawn carriage through the park, and it just so happens the Philharmonic is playing an open-air... " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Straight to the hotel? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," I'll get my bag. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Lily," Hey. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Marshall," Hey. So, uh, looking forward to tonight? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Lily," Yeah. We heard. I would explode if it had been that long since I had a ""night out"". " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Marshall," This one wakes me up at 4am sometimes just to have a little night out. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Lily," Nothing. Pizza. What are you talking about? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Hey guys. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Told them what? " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Marshall," You haven't had sex in five years??!! That is a shocking revelation that we're just finding out right now! " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Stella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told them. But they're my best friends. I tell them everything. I-I didn't even think about it. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," No, they don't. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Barney," 13 years??!! " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," You can trust me. " 3x18 - Rebound Bro,Ted," Wait, did I gave you a reason or were you looking for one? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," Guess what I have behind my back. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," Wait, wait. I will find. Left. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," Not a good game but okay. Five tickets well placed to Robots vs. Wrestlers. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," Robots vs. Wrestlers? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," Great! " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," You know Robots vs. Wrestlers? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," No. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," But we think some kind of sport in which robots wrestlers. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," That's exactly it, according to the website! " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," Wait, wait. Who is the fifth ticket? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," Uh... Robin. I know... She lives with her boyfriend and she said not wanting to hang out with us, but it's Robots vs. Wrestlers. Robots vs.... Wrestlers! " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," Barney is right. It is impossible to deny that. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," I assume you're talking about cooking, otherwise I would have other issues. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Robin," I'm sorry, Lily, but I have a chance to Don. And I will not drink out with you every night... especially when ""you"" included two of my ex. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," I understand. You're right. We miss you much. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Robin," You too. I gotta go. It is called? Sorry, New York, I had to answer. Where were we? Bus accident. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," She said no? How could she? Robots vs. Wrestlers of our tradition is the largest group. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," Tradition? It was never done. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," It's Robots vs. Wrestlers, Lily. This is obviously a tradition. It starts like this. First, Robin moves in with Don and Marshall and Lily have a baby, then Ted... " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," Goes? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," I was going to say ""was found eaten by her cats,"" but it's not good either. Everybody leaves me, and I like it! " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," Do not worry about a baby on our side. It is not yet started. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," Absolutely. A small road. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," A small long road. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," But you can see. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," Very, very far. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," But you can see the exit sign. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," Oh? I see it. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," You should put yourself on track. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," I understand how you feel. It is important friendship. In this regard, Emerson wrote a great poem, titled Friendship. You'll love it. ""A drop of crimson blood carries more weight than the waves of the sea..."" " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," You must try this Syrah. A taste of creme de cassis, red berries, oak heated... letter in September, baritone white. Of course! A lyric baritone! Which is higher than a bass-baritone.There is a key moment in the second act of La Boheme... " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," I try to add some class to our meetings. It's like this quote from Dante's Inferno. ""Consider the race of which you are created not to live like brutes but to follow virtue and knowledge.""Or, in Italian original... " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," You're right. I exaggerate with this story of Robin. What is an announcement? Wife Robin Don. I'll die alone! Ted eventually eaten by her cats! " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," Relax... It's for Marissa Heller. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," Marissa Heller? She looks good. Face, breasts, describe. Begins with the breasts. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," Ted! It was our first post! It is popular. It was... a golf magazine for... Marissa Heller. A catalog of wicker furniture, also Marissa Heller. And a voucher for a bird shop... addressed to Marissa Heller... or check it out... ""Current Resident."" It's us! It has mail! " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," Fantastic! That must be the previous tenant. I wonder how it looks. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," And since, in every mail we receive, the picture becomes clearer. But we know not how it looks. I will follow it as always... " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," Open it. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," An invitation to the annual Spring Jefferson Van Smoot, for Saturday night... in his apartment in Alberta! Friends... This is the most beautiful building in Manhattan! We gotta go! " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," It depends, on the invitation, it's about robots fighting wrestlers to rule the galaxy? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," It's about an open bar. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," We change the plan for Saturday. Evening Marissa Heller for alcohol and Robots vs. Wrestlers. But one of us should pretend to Marissa Heller. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," I'm flattered but Lily should. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," This building is fabulous! You saw the gate and terracotta panels outside? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," I just got a text from Robin. It says... " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," Guys, we get together. Lil, you can do... All you have to watch the guy in front, say your name is Marissa Heller, and it passes. And I repeat, to be sure, no accent. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," It is certain that it is not English, though? Okay! I do. I go there. Sorry. Go ahead. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," Damn it then! " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," That's Marissa Heller. She is pretty. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," She has beautiful teeth. It should not need the reminder cards to go to the dentist. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," What do we do? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," I do we go to the party, that's what! We met at the meeting of ornithophilic. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," Lovers of wicker? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," I'm on it. This lift uses the same mechanism from its installation in 1906. It seems that Lamar Louis Skolnick, the architect of the building, has cut the panels himself. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," And some French influence inside! He was an architect with a poet's soul, really. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney,"Lily, holding No, no. It works. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," I must make a confession. It is not on the list, but I always wanted to see the inside of Alberta. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," I said I'd get us. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," So... nobody saw The Young and the Restless? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," Great! Who commissioned illustrated soap? Marissa Heller, I like your style. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," No one? Do I understand that there is not one fan of soap in this elevator? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," Prem's. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," I'm not dressed for it. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," In a coined word ""assh*le-Apocalypse."" " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," This is Peter Bogdanovich, talking to Arianna Huffington and Will Shortz, crossword editors of The New York Times! Try at least, Chow and alcohol free. 20 minutes and off we go. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," Sorry, you talk about the fourth book of madrigals? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," This is my favorite book of madrigals. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," You have nothing that resembles a mini cheeseburger? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," Mini pizzas? French fries? Something that makes me think I'm a giant? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," He will watch it. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," This morning I made the heart of the Ambassador of the Netherlands. I hope he gets better. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," You know who published an article on great Walt Whitman, and political semantics? Professor Hammersmith Oxford. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," As Undersecretary of Finance, I had a great influence on this legislation. Now, I wonder if you will accompany me in the map room to stimulate my package. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," Zsa Zsa Gabor is still sexy, but other than that, it is rotten this holiday. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," We tried, it's been 20 minutes. We are going. Where is Ted? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," I know how to find it. Just a second... gongs, eh? Stronger than we think. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," It is the relic of his wife 500 years that has not been hit since WS Gilbert at the premiere of The Mikado in London in 1885. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," Friends, Will Shortz, editors of the Times crossword. You know, I always say they use ""Ulee"" of Gold Life for vowels? Tell them. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," Can I talk for a second? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," Ten letters, a diminutive egg pie? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," There. A great reception. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," Grave. We are going. It's time for Robots vs. Wrestlers. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," I missed that glitch. I know, do not bother to say. There's no glitch in the wine. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," Miss Lily in the living room with the chancellor. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," Sorry! " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," Look, I'm having fun here, so I'll pass Robots vs. Wrestlers. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," But you never missed Robots vs. Wrestlers. It happens that way. First Robin us loose, and now you? And for those pretentious snobs and old game? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," Actually, I like those pretentious snobs and they are not old fashioned fart noise when I open my mouth. I remain. See you tomorrow. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," It's an evening. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," It means nothing. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," It means everything. If you come not to Robots vs. Wrestlers, it's the end of our friendship. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," See you tomorrow. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," All right. So you do most of our group, forever. You can ask to return in 2 years. Come see wrestlers fight like robots. I'm embarrassed. I forgot something. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," You know, a reading of poetry. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," The best tradition of all time! " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," You crazy not me, Marshall. Let's be honest. The group is finite. Ted is gone, like Robin. That separates us as well. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," Boy, Barney, stop with your abandonment issues. Ted has the right to have a life outside the group. As we all. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," Wait. Why do you say that all of a sudden? My God, you're pregnant! " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," No. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," My God, have you ever had the baby! It is just behind me, huh? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," No, silly. One day we all move forward in our lives. It's called growing up. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," You can at least promise to not get pregnant within a year? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," I can not. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," You can not? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," You can not? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," Citrus and honeycomb with a sharp acidity. This is a Sauvignon Blanc, Loire Valley. The town of Sancerre. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," No! You can not have children! You want to raise a child in this crazy world. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," The world is pretty cool right now. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," Okay, Lily, I have no choice. If you have a daughter, day, no, the minute she is 18... Gong! " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," Babies. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," I hope Ted is unhappy. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," Thank you, Will Shortz. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," Okay, you can have a baby, but only under the following conditions: 1-You promise to always love me more than the baby, 2-Once a month, I can use to shake the baby, 3 - It may include a drop baby from the first floor and that saves me; 4-No breastfeeding in front of me. Forget the five-four, get out your breasts when you want. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," Holy shit! " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," I can not believe! " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," Of course, hell is an interesting concept, is not it? I always liked to imagine it as Dante's Divine Comedy. If I may. Italian original... I do not believe it. I recite the Divine Comedy in Italian original, and nobody makes fart noises. It's weird. I've never gone that far. I just seem to be an assh*le. My God, I control myself! Listen to me, I am completely let go! I'm the biggest assh*le on the planet. I wish someone stops me. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," I gotta run. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," Rule number 83. If something out of the baby ends up on my costume, I can touch the breasts of Lily. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," Dude, what's your thing with the breasts of my woman tonight? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," It is not I who make the rules. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," Do you really think about all this? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," I know. Maybe not. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," For what it's worth, I think we are ready. We love, we are financially s*ab, and frankly, it would change that much the way we live. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," If being at home with a baby, tonight we have never seen a dead ringer for Ted. It would make you what, if we had missed it? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," I blame the boy for the rest of his life. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," Right, for his daughter's life. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," You're right. No need to rush. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," What do you say that? We agree that it makes no sense to have a child before he saw the five doubles, right? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," Sure, it goes without saying. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Lily," So when we finally see a dead ringer for Barney, this is the message of the universe to tell us to do. And at that time, we'll try. Deal? " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Marshall," Deal. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Barney," Look who thinks he can come here and repeat the group. Well, you can forget. Pity, remake the group! I want to lose anyone yet! We're sorry. You can recite all the poems of assh*le that you want, we never say anything bad on it, I promise. " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Ted," Really? Because there is a poem I would recite... Friendship of Ralph Waldo Emerson. ""A drop of crimson blood carries more weight than the waves of the sea The world uncertain comes and goes..."" " 5x22 - Robots Versus Wrestlers,Robin," Sorry, someone had to. I pay my tour. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"Alright, see you guys later. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"I'll walk you out. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"See ya. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"You just checked out Robin's ass. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"What? No. I... Barney, I was... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Dude, that's awesome! You're finally forgetting about that short redhead. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Lily. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Yes, Lily, thank you. That was gonna drive me crazy all night. Hey, Ted! Marshall's just checked out your girlfriend's ass. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"I did not Ted... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"Awesome! You're finally getting better. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"This is the moment I've been waiting for. Starting tonight, I'm gonna teach you how to live. Ted, you're out of chance, Marshall's in. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"Yes! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Oh, God! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Marshall, being a single guy in New York city is like... Pfff... What does everybody like? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Candy. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Yeah! It's like being in a candy store. You just walk right in and grab yourself some Whoppers. Yeah. Is Whoppers the best ones? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"Mounds. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Milk Duds. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"Gobstoppers. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Um... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"from 2030 " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"Dubble Bubbles. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Nice! Marshall, we're doing this. I am not taking no for an answer. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Fine. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"(on the phone) " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Ted, what is wrong with you? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"(on the phone) " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"Lily. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"It is a great ass. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"Your hair is adorable! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"Thank you! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Hi. Have you met Marshall? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Hi. Look how sweaty my hands are! It's weird, right? Uh, sweat. Like this... Smelly water coming out of your skin. It was nice meeting you. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"I-I-I Hate to interrupt but, uh... Do you like magic? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Dude, you were awesome last night. You were charming, you were funny. You were totally working that girl. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"You went home with her! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Yes, I did. But she told me that if it wasn't for me you would've had a sh*t with her. So in hypothetical terms, you scored last night! All right! Hypothetical high five! Nice! Tonight, we're gonna go to the bar... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Barney, no, I'm not going out with you ever again. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Come on! I'll teach you all my strategies! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Oh, really? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"My favorite, number seven. Create a mystery about yourself. That way, they become so intrigued that they have to hang out with you all night. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Oh, come on. Does that really work? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Maybe it does and maybe it doesn't. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Dammit that's intriguing! OK, I'm in. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"You've gotta hear this. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"You will not believe what just happened. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"You go first. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"I find a 1939 penny on the subway. Just imagine the history this little copper guy's seen... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"Lily is back in town. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"And you let me go first?! Have you seen her? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"Uh, yeah. I actually went apartment hunting with her today. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"How is she doing? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"You're not gonna like it. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"I am doing great. This summer, best thing ever. San Francisco is so happening right now. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"She's happy? Marshall had the worst summer of his life and she's happy. And I suppose her art program was fulfilling or whatever. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"Oh, the art program, best thing ever. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"But the best part of SF - oh that's what we call San Francisco - the people. Even just riding around on the bus all summer, it was like a human tapestry. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"Wow, I am so happy for you. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"Oh, she's such a... godda... God! After what she did to Marshall, she should come back here devastated. Crawling over the broken glass of her own shame and regret. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"You never chose sides. I respect that. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"She's unbelievable! Unbelievable! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Unbelievable? What's unbelievable? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"Uh, listen Marshall... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"Ted found a penny on the subway and it's old and that's interesting. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Way to go. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"OK, first of all, that is interesting. Second, we have to tell him. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"No, we don't. He's just starting to get better. Going out with Barney. How do you think he'll feel when he hears Lily's moved on? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"She's moved on? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"Well, it happens. I've fallen out of love faster than that before. Sometimes, boom, with no warning whatsoever. One day we're in love, the next day, he's dead to me. But we're great! Honey? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Let's review Barney's rules for mating without dating. Lesson twocorollary five. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Make a beautiful woman feel self-conscious and unattractive and she'll be putty in your hands. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Excellent. Have you chosen your entrée? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"I have. A sweet brunette, eight o'clock. Nine o'clock. Ten; thirty. She's walking to the bar. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Her? Really? No, you're right. Ambition is the enemy of success. OK, hit it. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"(to the girl) " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Nice recovery. I think it's working. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Um, Amy, this is my friend Barney. Barney, this is Amy. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Hi. Amy, do you like... magic? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"I hate you. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"I am so sorry. It's a sickness. I'm the real victim here. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Twice! Twice in a row you took my candy! That was my candy! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"I know but tonight... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"No, forget it. You're such a jackass! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"(with you're a jerk writing on his hand) " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"OK, but no magic. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"I'm taking a leak, dumb-ass. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"But I need the freedom to really chase my passion, which was painting but now, I think it's music, or spoken words. Maybe both. God, isn't life amazing. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"Yeah. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"It is so great to see you Ted. Ah! I'm gonna get the key for the lockbox. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"What? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"She's miserable. She's realized she's made a huge mistake. Her and Marshall will be back together in a week, I love it! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"No, you just want Lily to be miserable. The truth is she's happy. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"Trust me. I've known Lily for nine years. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"Trust me, I'm a girl! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"Yeah. But you're Canadian. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"Why do you always have to bring that up? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"You're our weird neighbors! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"You bring it up every time... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"No, alright. Five bucks says she still wants Marshall. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"You're on. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"Five American bucks. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"Dammit! OK, so how do we get the truth out of her? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted," Tequila. It's her weakness. Three shots, she tells you the truth about anything. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily," I hope this is my new home. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Marshall Eriksen, suit up! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"No way. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Yeah you're good in that. Let's go. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Wait. Empty your pockets. Come on. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Come on... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Sleeves. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"There is nothing in my sl... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Oh is that right? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Huh? Huh? Let's go. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Behind my ear. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Oh there is nothing behind your... Ohh! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Ohh! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Oh, tell me about it. I'm a third year at Columbia Law, so... If the workload does k*ll you I can probably get a conviction. Yeah. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"(to a girl) " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Yes, it would. It really would. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Probably not. I'm never here, so... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Great. Nice. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Hi, I'm Barney. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Oh, no. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Do you mind giving my friend your phone number? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Whoo! I did it! I got a girl's phone number! Oh, and her handwriting is so cute. Look. I'll take her out for Chinese food and then we'll walk through the park. It'll be so... What? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Sorry buddy, I'm taking this one too. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"(choking Barney) " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"And then I discovered this area, North beach. Best beach ever! Oh, I've been blabbering on about my summer. How are you guys doing? And hey, how is Marshall? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Gimme the card! I swear I'm gonna... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"I'm not giving you... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"Terrific. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"That is so good to hear. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"OK, we're way past truth-telling Lily and about to hit Cinco-de-Mayo-1998 Lily, and I'm not cleaning that up again. So, congratulations. You win, she's happy. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"I didn't get it. That first apartment. I... I waited too long and somebody else got it. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"Interesting. Wow Lily, you, uh, seem to be having a pretty strong reaction to losing this apartment. I wonder is it because it reminds you of something you lost because you couldn't commit? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"No, Lily you're crying over the crown moulding and the real hardwood floor. There's no deeper meaning, right Lily? Just quit crying and tell him. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"The apartment is a metaphor for Marshall! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Stop it! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"You don't want to see me when I'm angry! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Stop! If we can't settle this like gentlemen, then no one gets the number. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Stop the cab! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"No, wait. Come on. Wait. Marshall! 81st and 1st please. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"Shhh! Bring me the dirtiest, greasiest tuna melt you got. And a milkshake. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"Gravy. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"Surprise me. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"I'd take you with gravy if my boyfriend wasn't sitting right here! Just kidding. I'm good. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"What are you charpy about? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"She's still drunk from last night. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"I don't think so! Whoo! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"Look, if you want Marshall back so bad, how come it took you two days to ask about him? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"I was dying to ask. I was just trying to play it cool. But really... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"But it's good, I mean work's great... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"Say something about Marshall. Where is Marshall? How's Marshall? What's Marshall doing right now? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"It was such an awful summer! I just wanted to get back here and see him. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"But I thought your summer was great?! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"Not exactly... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"So all those interesting people you met on the bus...? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"Yeah, um... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"I never got in touch because I was too embarrassed. I screwed everything up. I have no job, no place to live. I lost the love of my life. Look, I know I have no right to ask this but do you think Marshall would take me back? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"In a heartbeat. If you called him up, yeah, he'd take you back with open arms. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"Wow. So, maybe I should call him? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Ted,"Maybe. No! This is... Ooww... Hold on. Look. If you're gonna go back to him, I don't wanna hear the word ""maybe"". ""Maybe"" cannot be in your vocabulary. This break-up almost k*ll him. And he cannot go through it again. So, unless you're absolutely certain, stay the hell away from him. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Robin,"(laughing) " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Hi Marshall. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"No, go away, I don't want to talk to you. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"OK. I know what I did a couple nights back was is in a moral grey area. But the great news is she loved you. If things had gone your way, you'd gone out a couple time, I think she definitely would've had sex with you. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"There is no ""would"" in sex. There totally is. I'm just no good at this Barney! I'm good at being in a couple. I'm good at being Lily's boyfriend. Being single, forget it. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"You can't give up now. What if I told you that you could relive that night with the exact same conversations, the exact same jokes, only this time you get her and I don't. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"That's not possible. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Oh, but it is. She has... Wait for it. Here it comes. Almost there...an identical twin. Yes! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"A twin isn't the same person. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Of course, it is. What do you think ""identical"" means? ""Ident-"" - same. ""-ical"" - person. Same person. Hey, we could double date. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Fine. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Ah! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"But you have to promise me you're not gonna steal my new twin and leave me with your old, used-up twin. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Used-up? They're a human being Marshall. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"How are you doing? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Great. Amazing. This is so much fun. Me and the girl are really cliking. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"You are. You definitely are. Listen, you're gonna have to leave now. I just talked with the twins and, get this, I'm going home with both of them! Yeah. That's happening. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"It is impossible that you're doing this to me again. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"But they're twins. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"You said to me that being single would be like being in a candy store. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Well, it's not like a candy store. It's a lawless, post-apocalyptic wasteland. I may be your best friend... " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Ted's my best friend. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,":...but in this world it's every hombre for himself. That's what being single is. And after nine years of captivity, that is the single greatest lesson I can teach you about surviving in the wild. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have two unique breasts an two duplicates waiting for me. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Yeah. I guess we're just a threesome tonight. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Lily. What are you doing here? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"Oh, I-I was just walking by. I wasn't... Oh, you mean, New-York? My program ended. It was just great. Just lots of fun. It was awful. It was the worst mistake I ever made. I'm so sorry Marshall. And, hello. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Lily, this was the worst summer of my life. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"I know. It was the worst summer of my life. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"Can we please get back together? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"All that crap you said to me about ""we need to figure out who we are outside of us, and we need to learn to do things on our own."". It broke my heart. Three months ago, you broke my heart. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"Can we please get back together? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Lily, you were right. All that crap was right. So, no. No, we can't get back together. We shouldn't. At least, not right now. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"Wow. OK. Yeah. Wi... Will we still see each other? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Yeah. Yeah. I think so. I don't know. This is all really new to me. I just got out of a long relationship. I like your hair. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"Thanks. I, uh, figured, new city, new color - uh, old color. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Yeah. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"Listen, if there is anything I can do to even begin to make things up to you. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Marshall,"Actually, there's maybe something you can do for me. But you can never ever ask me why. " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"So then, I was promoted to assistant ménage-er. Manager. Why do I keep doing that? " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"You gave me Chlamydia, you jerk! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"So, where was I? Ah yes. Assistant ménage-er. I did it again. I can't believe it! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Lily,"You gave my twin sister Chlamydia! You slime! " 2x02 - The Scorpion and the Toad,Barney,"Wait, wait, I know magic. Well played, Eriksen. Well played." 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Aaaaaaah! " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Welcome to my new home. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Oh, wow, Lily, this is... Oh, this is all of it. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Yeah,I know it's small, but it's got character. Thank you. And I am learning Lithuanian from my neighbors. They're great. They're always out there in the hall, you know, cooking and gambling and giving each other haircuts. It's nice. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Hey,is that a toilet in your kitchen? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Robin,"Or a stove in your bathroom? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Oh, that's not just a stove. That's a stovenkeratora combination of a stove, oven and sink and refrigerator. Stovenkerator. Isn't that futuristic? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"God,I hope not. Hey, cool murphy bed. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"It's kind of a mess. I didn't make my bed this morning, so... " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Robin,"Oh! You know what? I bet sleeping at this angle is good for you. For some reason. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Hold on, I got it. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"That was ""something, something, I am going to something you like a something donkey. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Robin,"Uh. Other cultures! " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Hey, let's break out the fruit basket. Hey, who ate all the...? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Okay, we have to get Lily out of that apartment. Her roommate is a raccoon. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Robin,"I'd offer her my place, but I've got dogs and she's allergic. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Dogs? I live with her ex-boyfriend. I think she's a little more allergic to that. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Robin,"What about your place, Barney? I know it's shrouded in mystery, but it's gotta have a couch. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"The fortress of barnitude? No way. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Robin,"Come on. She's desperate. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Hmm, normally a prerequisite for the women I bring home, but... pass. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"(arriving) " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Robin,"Absolutely not. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"No. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Damn! I got these tickets like months ago for me and Lily and now I can't find anyone to go with me. This is what I miss about being in a couple. I always had someone to go to concerts with, or farmer's market, or brunch. God, I miss brunch! " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Well, I guess you could - well, you could try going to brunch alone. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Oh, you don't think I've tried? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Table for one. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Um, no, just me. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"You're right. Who am I kidding? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Robin,"Oh, the Popover Pantry! That place is great. Can we go get brunch tomorrow? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Of course, sweetie. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Can I go with you guys? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Really? For brunch? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"God, I hate being single! " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"(on the phone) " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Ted gave me your spare key. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Spare key! Brilliant! " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"I'm sorry,but you know I'd only come here if I had no other choice. But earlier today, I was getting ready to go to sleep and... " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"(to her Lithuanian neighbor) " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"That's terrible. Well, see ya. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Wait, can I stay here maybe? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"I'd let you, but I don't have any room. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"You live in a two-bedroom apartment. You have one room just for your suits. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Hey I'm at a point in my life where my suits are my family. Look around you Lily. You are in the heart of bachelor country, and as a woman, you are an illegal immigrant here. Now,you can try to apply for a sex visa, but that only lasts 12 hours. 14 if you qualify for multiple entry. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Ewww!...Is something some lame, judgmental chick would say, but I say give me multiple high fives. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Wow, you really are desperate. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"I really am. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Oh okay, you can stay here for two days. But I only have one rule. You can't change anything. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Why would I change anything? This place is... Perfect. Except for the fact that you don't have a TV. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"See that wall? 300-inch flat-screen. They only sell them in Japan, but I know a guy. Had to ship it over in a tugboat like freakin' King Kong. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"It hurts my eyes. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Yeah. That doesn't go away. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Hey, where have you been? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"The Alanis Morissette concert. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"By yourself? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"No,actually I went with a friend from law school. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Robin,"Oh,really? Who's this friend? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Brad. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Totally! I can't believe I almost didn't come tonight. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Yeah, how'd you know? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"What? Kara broke up with you? I'm sorry,man. That sucks. Brad,do you like brunch? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"You invited him to brunch? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Yeah, I invited him to brunch. Why? Is that weird? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Yes. That's why I was all ""you invited him to brunch?"" " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Why can't two guys who are friends go to brunch? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Because brunch is kind of... " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Robin,"Girly. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Girly? Breakfast isn't girly. Lunch isn't girly. What makes brunch girly? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"I don't know. There's nothing girly about a horse, nothing girly about a horn, but put them together and you get a unicorn. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"I don't care what either of you say, I am going to the Popover Pantry with Brad. We're here. We're hungry. Get used to it, brunch. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Uhm, smells delicious. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Thank you. There was no food in the fridge, so I picked up... " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Lily, what was the first rule again? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"""Don't change anything""? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"And what was the second rule? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"There was no second rule. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Exactly! There was only one rule and you broke it. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"I bought groceries. That counts as changing something? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Lily, if I wanted a fridge full of groceries or fresh coffee in the morning, I'd be in a relationship. But I don't want to be in a relationship. That's why I make it crystal-clear to every girl that walks through that door that this is not a place to leave a toothbrush. This is not a place to leave a contact lens case. This is a place to leave. Come on, 'll give you a tour. Uh, no flash photography please. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Marshall doesn't have p*rn. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Aww, that's sweet. While guys like Ted and Marshall may hide their p*rn, I had mine professionally lit. Girls see this, they can't get out of here fast enough. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"And if that doesn't drive them away, there's always your life-sized storm-trooper. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"No,that's just awesome. So you see, whenever a girl wakes up here, I never have to tell her to go build her nest somewhere else. My apartment does it for me. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"God, I love brunch. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"This isn't weird, right? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Right? Right? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Exactly. Thank you, that's exactly what I've been saying. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"What are you talking about? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Yeah! " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Hey. Did the cold wake you? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Oh,did you try and take a shower? I'm sorry, I only have one clean towel. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Okay. I'd offer you some coffee, but I don't have any, so you're gonna have to... " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"I think I left something on the bookshelf. Whoops. Oh, no, oh, look " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Whoa, uh, okay. Beep beep. Backing up, um... " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"(walking in) " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"What? No. Yes! " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Yes. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Come on, baby. please, no. You don't understand. What have I done? This is the worst. How could you...? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Well, she'd have to with your spring-loaded toilet seat, wouldn't she? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"She was freakishly immune to everything in my apartment... Except you. You're better than p*rn. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Thank you. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"How would you like to extend your stay here? All you'd have to do is pretend to be my wife, and scare off the occasional one-night stand. I know,I know. You've got your ethics. You've got your principles... " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"I'll do it. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Really? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Barney,you've clearly got some serious mother issues that have left you the emotional equivalent of a scavenging sewer rat. But, in my other apartment, I would be living with an actual scavenging sewer rat, so you win. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"I'll take it. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,": " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,": " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"No, totally. It sounds like a really, really fun, exciting, third date. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Robin,"Ooh, third date. You know what that means. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"It is not a date,okay. It's just two bros taking in a Broadway show. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"You bros going to get dinner beforehand? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"We might grab a steak, yeah. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Where at? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,": " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Robin,"Sounds like Brad's got quite the night planned out. You better bring your ""A"" game. That means no granny panties. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"All right, you know what? You two are just thr*at because I'm a single guy moving in on your couples' stuff. Well, guess what? It's my territory now. I'm peeing all over brunches, fancy dinners and musicals. That's right. Brad and I are taking back Broadway. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"What are you going to wear? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"I was thinking like this collared shirt and these pin... " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Can you pass the arts and leisure? (The girl does it. More loudly) Can you pass the arts and leisure? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"(walking in) " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Lily, I can explain... " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"How could you? In our own home? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Just get out. This is what I get after I worked as a stripper for four years to put you through medical school? I got breast implants for you. I... " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Brava. That was incredible. And that slap was genius. You did not hold back. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Yeah, that I just always wanted to do. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Fair enough. I have to say, it's kind of nice having food around here for a change. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"You know... Oh nah, never mind. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"What? You're my wife. You can tell me anything. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Well,if you really wanted to sell this ruse, we should try to make this place a little more... You know, homey. Like... Like a woman would actually live here. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"What did you have in mind? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Hey,you're home. I didn't think we'd be seeing you until tomorrow morning. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Ha,ha,ha,ha. It wasn't a date. Okay, it was a date and it got way weird. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Oh, you really don't have to do that. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Thanks, Brad. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Woah! " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Robin,"Well, it could have been worse. It could have fallen in your lap. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"It gets worse. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"No, I can do it, Brad. Okay,thank you. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"You want me to go to a wedding with you? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Okay, that's not too bad. Two single guys on the prowl. It'll be like ""Wedding crashers"". " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Robin,"Just keep Brad away from the bouquet. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"It gets worse. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Vermont? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"You said no, right? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Of course. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"I'll go to Vermont with you. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"I'm sorry. It's not funny anymore. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Damn you,brunch! This guy's crazy, right? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Look,I don't think he's crazy. I just think he's suffering from a severe case of girlfriend withdrawal. And unfortunately, you're his nicotine patch. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Robin,"And now you have to do what every dysfunctional couple has to doBreak up. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"You're right. You're right. I promised brad I would go to the wedding with him,and then that is it. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Good man. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Oh,I think we made the right decision going for the custom-made italian sheets. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Hey, if my bed's going suit up, it's going to do it right. Want to give it a whirl? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"(jumping on the bed) " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"All right, I'm going to head out, hit the bars. What are you going to do tonight? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Oh, I was just going to watch ""Letterman"" but, God this bed is so comfy. I wish you had a TV in here. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Please. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"I thought you were going out. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Eh. After the monologue. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"No. No... No. No! No! " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Hold on. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"No, Brad, uh, I don't want to hear it. I do like you. And calla lilies are my favorite flower. I don't know how you knew that. I guess you just get me, but this is not cool, man. I can't believe that you would... " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Hi, Kara. So you guys,are like back together now? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Yeah, you should have. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Don't, Brad. Just don't. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Aaaaaah! " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Aaaaaaaaaaah! " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"I can't believe we just... You and I... What have we done? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Nothing. Nothing happened. We... We just went to sleep. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"""Just went to sleep""? I don't sleep in the same bed as a woman and not make a move. How could... You! You spooned me against my will. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Hey,it takes two to cuddle. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"We... We redecorated my place. We stayed in on a friday night to watch ""Letterman"", and then slept together and didn't have sex? Oh my God! We're in a relationship! " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"That's what you think a relationship is? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"You were supposed to be the vaccine, but you gave me the disease. You gotta go. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Barney. I don't think you're mad at me. You're mad at yourself. You let down your guard, and let someone into your life, and... And it actually felt okay. And that terrifies you. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"Uh-uh. You gotta go. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Lily,"Hey, you can't just kick me out! I put a lot of work into this place, and I've grown accustomed to a certain standard of living. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Barney,"""A certain standard of living""? You didn't pay a single... " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Oh my God, it's Brad. Laugh like I said something really funny. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"That was great. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Right? Right? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Oh, hey, hey, how's it going? " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,"Yeah, I know who you are. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Yeah, me too, but more important. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Marshall,"Sure. Sure. " 2x05 - World's Greatest Couple,Ted,Totally looks fat. 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," We're not really doing shots, are we? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," I hope not. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," No, no. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," These look kinda like blood. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," OK, I know that you've all dismissed this theory before, but is there any chance that Carl is a vampire? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," That's ridiculous. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," I'm serious. Think about it. He always wears black, we never see him in the daylight, only after dark. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Oh my God, that does describe a vampire, or you know, a bartender. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Well, I should go get dressed. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Where are you going, buddy? Hot date? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," I'll say, she's going out with a billionaire. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Lily, I told you not to call him that. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Wait, you're really going out with a billionaire? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," He's not a billionaire. He's a hundred millionaire. Why do people always round up? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," So, uh, where's Thurston Howell taking you? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," A charity dinner. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," Yeah, $2000 a plate. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," $1500, Stop rounding up. And it's for third world hunger. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," You gonna put out? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," What? There's only one reason he's taking her to this dinner and it's not so little Mutu can get his malaria pills. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," I think my soul just threw up a little bit. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Well, I'm gonna be late. You guys have fun. Bye. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," See ya. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," Bye. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," You OK? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Sure, why? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," I don't know. Girl of your dreams dating a billionaire. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," OK, first of all, hundred millionaire. And second, she's not the girl of my dreams. We're just friend. Look, it would not be smart if we got together. I mean, I'm looking to settle down. She's looking for... " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," What? You done? Great. Check out table number four. See that little hottie on the end. She's short but has an ample bosom. I love it. She's like half-boob. Let's go. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Yeah, and say what? What's our big opening line? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Daddy's home. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Daddy's home? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Yeah. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," You want us to go over there right now and say to those girls, 'daddy's home.' Really think about that, Barney. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Hm. Yeah, I think it's pretty solid. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," OK, think about this, is there even a single item on the menu that has garlic in it? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," Garlic fries. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," OK, well, I'll get back to you. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Oh, daddy's back. See, if you'd taken a moment to think about that... " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Then Daddy wouldn't have gotten this seven-digit Father's Day card from Amy, huh? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," That worked. I hate the world. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think. I'm teaching you how to do, do, do. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," Doo-doo. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Totally. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," So, I think a lot. I happen to have a very powerful brain. It can't be helped. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Oh yes it can. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," Interesting " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason. It's like the universe was saying, hey, Barney, there's this dude, he's pretty cool but it's your job to make him awesome. Your brain screws you up, Ted. It gets in the way. It happened with Robin, it happened with half-boob. And it's gonna keep on happening until you power down that bucket of neuroses inebriation-style. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," So, what? You want me to do a sh*t. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Oh no. I want you to do five shots. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," Oooh, more interesting. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Barney, I think you've officially... " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," No, don't think. Do. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," Ted, he's right. You overthink. Maybe you should overdrink. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney,"Marshall, Drink, drink, drink, drink... " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Ah, Lily, will you tell these guys how stupid they're being? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," Guys, you are being immature and moronic and drink, drink, drink " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney,"Marshall, Lily, Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink... " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney,"Marshall, Lily, Yes! Drink, drink, drink... " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Let me tell you something about this brain, OK? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney,"Marshall, Lily, Drink! Drink, drink... " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Even alcohol cannot stop this brain. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," I love it, I love it, I love it. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily,"Marshall, Drink, drink, drink... " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," This brain, dear mortals, is no ordinary brain. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney,"Marshall, Lily, Drink, drink, drink, drink... " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," This is a superbrain. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," This brain is unstoppable. This brain... " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," There's our rock star " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," OK, what the hell happened last night? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," You really don't remember, Superbrain? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I drank all five, bitch. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," I love drunk Ted. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Marshall thinks you're a vampire. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," No dibs. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," Oh. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," No....Dammit. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," How quickly you all forget. I haven't puked since high school. I am vomit-free since ninety-three. Vomit free since ninety-three. That's funny. I'm funny. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," Who are you calling? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Robin. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," Oh, bad idea. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," No, no, that's a great idea. That's the whole point of getting drunk. You do things you would never do in a million years if you were sober. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," Says every girl you've ever slept with. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," Say what?! " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Hello Robin, it's Ted. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Oh hi Ted. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Hello Robin, it's Ted. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Hi Ted. Sounds like you're having fun. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Robin, have I ever told you that I'm vomit-free since ninety-three? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Listen, Ted, I can't really talk right... '93? Dude, that's impressive. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I don't say this enough, but you're a great woman, and a great reporter. You should be on 60 Minutes. You should be one of the minutes. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," That's sweet and odd. But I'm kinda on a date right now. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Yeah, and I disagree with Barney. Just 'cause this guy is spending a lot of money doesn't mean you have to put out. Take it slow, Robin, take it slow. Slow. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Bye Ted. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Slow. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," Wow, right, that's why we don't do shots. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," Friends don't let friends drink and dial. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I need that phone back. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," You'll get this back at the end of class. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Ding, class dismissed. Here you go, kid, you call whoever you want. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Thank you kind sir. At least someone appreciates the fact that I'm doing and not thinking. And now I don't think I won't not go to the bathroom. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney,"Lily: Was that necessary? He is not making smart decisions. Exactly. It's like, what's he gonna do next. I don't know, but I want to find out. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," Was that necessary? He is not making smart decisions. Exactly. It's like, what's he gonna do next. I don't know, but I want to find out. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," Cheap Trick? Oh Ted. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Hello again, Ted. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Hey, it's me again. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Plain to see again. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Please can I see you every day? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I love everyone in this bar. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," And we love you, drunk Ted. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I'm a fool again. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I fell in love... " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Ted? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Well, that explains the ankle. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," And then we brought you home and put you to bed. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Was there anyone else in there with me? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," There's a girl in there. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I know. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," And a pineapple. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I know. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," Who is she? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I don't know. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," What the hell happened to my jacket? Marshall: Whoa. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," What the hell happened to my jacket? Whoa. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted,"Lily: That girl in there is alive, right? I should call Barney, maybe he knows what happened. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," That girl in there is alive, right? I should call Barney, maybe he knows what happened. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Hello. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Why are you sleeping in our tub? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," The porcelain keeps the suit from wrinkling. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," Wait, were you here when I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Don't worry, I slept through it. I totally didn't sleep through it. For a little girl, you've got a big t*nk. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," How did you get in here anyway? We put Ted to bed around one. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Oh, you put Ted to bed all right. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," You guys take care of me. You guys are the best. I love you guys so much. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," Good night, Ted. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," Love you too, buddy. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I'm back baby doll! " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Hey, hey hey hey, he rallies. And the night begins now. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," All right, game face on. Carl, two more. All right, all right, what do we think of this one? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I think.... " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Ehhh! Trick question, no thinking. You know what time it is? It's do o'clock. Let's ride. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Bring it. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Have you met Ted? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Excuse me. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," You're calling Robin. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I'm calling Robin. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Ted, as your mentor and spiritual guide, I forbid you from calling her. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Oh yeah? What you gonna do? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," If you complete that call, I will set your coat on fire. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," You're bluffing. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Hello, Robin, it's Ted. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Ted, for the last time, stop. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Ted! " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," You set me on fire. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Real suede wouldn't have gone up so fast. You got robbed, this is a blend. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," You set me on fire. And who's the girl in my bed? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," There's a girl in your bed. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," And a pineapple. Am I the only one who's curious about the pineapple? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Who is she? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I have no idea. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Nice. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," You really don't know who that is? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," No, after I hosed you down with a beverage g*n, I brought you back here. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I better not have gotten b*rned. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Did any of you write that? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," Hi, I'm Ted, if lost, please call...Who's number is that? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I don't know. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," Dude, call it. Hold on, I'm gonna make some popcorn. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," OK, you can call now. God, this is intense, I love it. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Uh, hi, who is this? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," It's Ted. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Barney, you've always taken care of me. You are a gentleman and a scholar. Go into my s*ab and take my finest stallion. He's yours, his name is Windjammer. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Sleep it off, bra. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I'm back, baby doll! And I am gonna throw up. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I threw up? My streak is over. Vomit-free since '05 doesn't sound good. Sorry, Carl, go on. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Carl, did you know the word karaoke is Japanese for empty orchestra? Isn't that hauntingly beautiful? Are you a vampire? Carl: I am cutting you off. Go home and get some sleep, Ted. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Yeah, sun's gonna come up soon. Wouldn't want to be around for that, would we? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Hey, how easy do you think it'll be to sneak into the zoo? I have to see some penguins, like right now. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," That tickles. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Thanks Carl. We can't just be friends, we're attracted to each other and we both know it. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Me and Robin. Me and Robin, I have to make one more call. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Hey, it's me again. Look, who are we kidding? You and I are both attracted to each other. We're young, we're drunk, half of us anyway. And we only get one life, so shy don't you come over to my apartment and we'll think of something stupid to do together? Really? Great. Wait, really? Great. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Thanks Carl. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," It's Robin. That's Robin in there. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," Did you guys? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Oh come on. You've gotta give me this one. Those five shots got you farther with Robin than your brain ever did. See what happens when you don't think? You do! More importantly, you do Robin. Come on. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," All right, right over here. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Still, what does this mean? Are we dating now? I mean, I never pictured it going down this way, but maybe that's how it had to happen. I mean, think about it... " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Someone get him a sh*t, he's thinking again. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," Maybe it's not such a bad idea to think about this one. You and Robin went down this road before, you got dinged up pretty bad. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," You know who might have something to say about Ted's future with Robin? Robin. Go wake her up. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Wake her up and say what? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Daddy's home. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," Good luck buddy. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Hello. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Ted, it's Robin. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Are you sure? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Hey, Robin, how are you? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Ted, I think you and I should have a talk about those phone calls last night. Do you mind if I swing by? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," Ask her about the pineapple. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Yeah, sure, come on over. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Thanks. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," No, wait, don't, no. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," She's coming over. Crap. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," Wait, this is k*ll me. We have to find out who that girl is. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Daddy's home. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," OK, fair enough. I've got to prove a point to a friend, so you just gave me your number and your name is Amy. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Ladies. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I love everyone in this bar. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," What are you doing in the men's room? What am I doing in the ladies' room? Oh right, I came in here 'cause I thought I was gonna throw up. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I did not. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," And the streak continues. Vomit-free since '93. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Sorry, Trudy, go on. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," What? The karaoke? Domo arigato. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Do it. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I'm something stupid, do me. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Hey, can I call you sometime? Trudy: OK. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Why do they call it karaoke anyhow? Was it invented by a woman named Carrie Okie? These are the kinds of things I think about. Trudy: Karaoke is Japanese for empty orchestra. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," That's hauntingly beautiful. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Hey, it works. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I need to make one more call. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Hey, it's me again. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Look, who are we kidding? You and I are both attracted to each other. We're young, we're drunk, half of us anyway. And we only get one life. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," Dammit, Trudy, what about the pineapple? Sorry. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Uh, Robin's here. Um, look, Trudy, I need you to hide in my bedroom. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," No, that's not my girlfriend. Look, it's complicated. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," No, I'm not married. Um, I'll explain after you hide. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Hi. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Hey guys. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Robin. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," Hi Robin. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," Top of the morning. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Um, sorry I kept calling you like that. I was very drunk. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," No kidding. Those calls were really weird. Look, Ted, maybe we need to talk. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Lily," Let's go get a snack. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Marshall," I love to snack. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Barney," I'm good. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Come on, those calls weren't that weird. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Robin! Come hang out! OK, I'm gonna make this sound until you come hang out. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," That goes on for three-and a half minutes. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Without a breath? That's gotta be some kind of record. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Ted, you can't do this. Please, we're to be friends and now you're making it all confusing. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," No I'm not. Look, I just turned off my brain for the night. Nothing's changed, you've moved on, I've moved on. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Really, you moved on? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Yes. What, you don't believe me? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Oh, OK. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Trudy, come on out. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," You are gonna laugh. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted,"Robin: Wait, you were with someone last night? Yeah, Trudy, she's cool. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Wait, you were with someone last night? Yeah, Trudy, she's cool. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Trudy, come on out. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Seriously, it's OK. This is so Trudy. She's really shy, I think. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Trudy? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Hi Trudy, I'm Robin. It's nice to meet you. You're right, she is shy. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," I'm not making this up. She must have climbed out the fire escape. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Whatever, whatever. I don't care what you think. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted,"Robin: Then why did you hide her from me? Wow, you're good. Did anyone ever tell you you should be on 60 Minutes? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Then why did you hide her from me? Wow, you're good. Did anyone ever tell you you should be on 60 Minutes? " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Yes, you did, last night. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Ted," Really? Well. " 1x10 - The Pineapple Incident,Robin," Get some sleep, Ted. You had a long night. And don't feel bad, I've woken up with worse. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Okay, let's do this! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Ted, this hydro bill is bigger than Louis Cyr's biceps. What, you leave the garburator on all night, eh? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,", " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"The... mmm. Social experiment. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Okay, okay. You know what, what does that even prove, okay? You chant anything, people we join in. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,", " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,", joining them " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"No! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"What Gazzola's? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"A filthy mecca of spectacular if undercooked pizza located at 316 Kinzie Street, Chicago, Illinois. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Back in college, Ted and I used to take these crazy road trips from Connecticut all the way to Chicago just for Gazzola's pizza. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"22 hours. No map. We'd just jump in the Fiero and drive. We were like Lewis and Clark, if Lewis and Clark peed in empty soda bottles and had a bong made out of a cantaloupe. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Man, those Gazzola trips, that's... that's when we really became bros. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Mm. We ate nothing but jerky. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Drank nothing but Tantrum. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Oh, man, we went through a whole case of Tantrum one trip. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"I was color blind for two weeks after that. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"I think that's the reason that I pass out when I hear church bells. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"It's probably a good thing they're closing Gazzola's. Those trips were brutal, right? The long hours in the car, the motion sickness, the smell. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"So what time are we leaving for Gazzola's tomorrow? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"I was thinking 9:00, 9:30. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"I am ready to hit the road. I got baby wipes. I got a variety of jerky. I got six cans of Tantrum. Well, four. One b*rned though the can, the other one I drank already. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"What do you mean? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Think about it. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Hey, haven't seen you all week. How you doing? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"We're doing great. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Do you watch the Jets game? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"We most certainly did. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"How'd things go at the doctor? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"We no longer have a hemorrhoid problem. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"Hmm. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"You guys will not believe this. I've been talking to my lawyer all morning. You know that guy I have a slight disagreement with at the Hoser Hut? He's filing as*ault charges. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Come on! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"I broke his nose with a chair. And now, apparently, I may end up getting deported. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Oh, my God, that sucks! Yeah. I'm gonna go do push-ups in the kitchen. Tantrum! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Well, there's only one possible way to avoid getting deported. My lawyer said I could become an American citizen. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"Perfect. Problem solved. Welcome aboard. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Well, it's not that simple. I'm a Canadian. I was born there. My family's there. It's who I am. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"I know, and it's provided us with a lot of laughs. But, Robin, if you want to live here, work here and throw chairs at people here, you have to do this. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Well, there's a citizenship test tomorrow. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"A cit... " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"I'll think about it. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"No, no, you have to do it. I'll help you study. We're gonna stay up all night long. I'm gonna drill you, and then we're gonna study. No, seriously. We're gonna do some cramming and then we're gonna study. No, seriously. We're gonna bone up on... " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Okay, Barney. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"Sorry. It's a rich area. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"It is. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"But you know, it's not going to be easy, this test. It's not like the Canadian citizenship test. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"How do you know the Canadian test is easy? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"It's Canada. Question oneDo you want to be Canadian? Question tworeally? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,", " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Yes, I do! I don't why they make phone books anymore. Everything's online, right? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Tantrum! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Tantrum! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"All right, let's hit the road. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"You invited Lily? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"We most certainly did! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"I don't know if you caught that, but he did the ""we"" thing. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Yeah, I heard him. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"Okay. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"Road trip! So you guys want to talk about bitches? I'm kidding. They're called women. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"All right, next stopChicago. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"I have to pee. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Couldn't you have gone before we left? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"I did. I just pee a lot. You'll see. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Don't worry, we'll get out on the road, it'll be just like old times. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"Sugar snap pea? Pea... That reminds me, I have to pee. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Okay, straight, straight, straight. Now, wait, a little to the left. We'll pass a state trooper. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Ooh, punch buggy yellow! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Ow! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"Yellow, that reminds me, I have to pee. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Thank you! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"Great. Oh, hey, Ted... " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"You can't have to go again. It's not humanly possible. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"No, I was just going to say maybe we should listen to something. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Oh, that's a great idea. I think I have some Jerky Boys. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Goodbye, Sparky. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"It's an audio book about a boy and his dog. It made Elisabeth Hasselbeck cry. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Oh! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"That reminds me, I have to pee. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"""How many stars are on the flag?"" " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"50, one for each state. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"""What are the first ten amendments to the Constitution called?"" " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"The Bill of Rights. Look, Barney, I know all this. I'm ready. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"Ready for the test maybe, but ready to be an American? Not on your sweet life. For you to be an American, we got to get the Canadian out of you. That's why I've created these questions. Question one""Who is this?"" " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Queen Elizabeth II. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"No, the answer is Elton John. Question two""What the hell is this?"" " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Oh, curling. Um, it's a sport played... " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"Wrong. The answer we were looking for was ""I don't care, it's dumb"". Let's go buy something that's bad for us and then sue the people who made it. That's America, Robin. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Oh, my God, Lily, please tell me you have to go pee! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"Ah, I do. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Well, don't worry, the next exit's the hotel. We can go there. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Hotel? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Well, I mean, single people can have fun here, too, right? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"I want to say- Jefferson? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"Correct. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Oh! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"Archie Bunker's neighbor was George Jefferson. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Oh, boo-ya! I am nailing this. God, I'm buzzing on America right now! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"All right, hold your horses. Now to prove that you are as American as apple pie and the childhood obesity it leads to- who is this? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"That, Barney, is the American actor, beloved by millions, the ""Hey, Vern"" guy from the popular series of Ernest films. And his name... Jeff Foxworthy. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"Jeff Foxworthy? No, it's Jim Varney. You're kidding me. You don't know that? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Uh, that's Jeff Foxworthy, dumbass. End of story. Now shut your stupid face. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"Not only are you wrong, but you are belligerently sticking to your g*n and insulting me in the process. Robin Scherbatsky- you are an American. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"It didn't work, I'm still here. Marshall, what are we doing? We should be on the road. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Ok, Ted, we're not in college anymore, okay? We don't have to drive all night. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"Besides, they have a spa. What kind of treatments do you offer? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"We'd love cornmeal body scrub! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Whoa. I got to dial back on the Tantrum. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Oh, yeah, I'm gonna be an American, y'all. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Hey, man. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Shh. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Sorry about what I said before. You want to go to the store and get some beer? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Lily is asleep. I suppose I could reschedule my pedicure. What the hell? But only light beer because we have a couple hike in the morning. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Dude, why are we pulling to the highway? Ted, where exactly are we going to get this beer? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Chicago. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"What are you doing? We can't just leave Lily. When she wakes up, she's going to freak! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"She'll have a back rub and a crumpet. She'll be fine. Relax. Have some fun. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"I just abandoned my wife. How am I supposed to have fun? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,", " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Hey, you really think Lily's pissed? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"If she's pissed, she's pissed. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Pfft. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"Good morning. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Barney? Oh, my God. What happened last night? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"You went Canadian. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"How Canadian? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"This Canadian. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Oh, God. Okay. It's coming back to me. I, uh, I went into the Hoser Hut... And I met this women's curling team. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"We started drinking. And the next thing I know, they're inviting me to a Bryan Adams/Rich title double bill in Toronto. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"How did you find me, anyway? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"You called me, said you were never coming back. So, I jumped on a plane, flew across the Atlantic... " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Canada isn't across the Atlantic. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"You're talking nonsense. Now, listen... You slipped up. It's fine. The test is in a few hours. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Barney, I'm not taking the test. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"God, you're still drunk. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Look, I appreciate your help, but... who am I kidding? I'm Canadian. I always will be. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"Now, that's ridiculous. We're gonna get some coffee, in you, we'll sober you up, and get you back to New York for that test. But, before any of that, we're gonna do it on this bed 'cause... hotel room. Okay, let's get some coffee. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Kind of cross. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"You're making me wonder if this pizza is worth the 22 hour drive. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Just like old times! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"I feel so young again except for the chest pains. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"But the crust is so good. What is the secret to this crust? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Cornmeal... " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"We'd love a cornmeal body scrub! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"I can't believe you guys are closing. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"It's like an entire country without a tailor. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Yeah, give me two coffees. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"What game? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Oh, I guess I missed it. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"I'm not American. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"What's wrong? Other than the fact that this five dollar bill they gave you is blue. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Wow. I'm not American, and apparently, I'm not Canadian either. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"And there's kids playing hockey on the back. It's like you want us to make fun of you. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"I don't want this anymore. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Dude, don't look at it. That's a rookie mistake. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"We shouldn't have left Lily. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Well, if you're so worried, why don't you give her a call? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"I have. I left her, like, 20 messages. I said, ""I'm sorry. Please forgive me. It's all Ted's fault!"" " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"What exactly is ""Ted's fault""? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"This! This whole thing! We were having a perfectly nice trip, and then you kidnapped me. You didn't even let me, put on underwear! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"We never used to put on underwear! That was the fun of a bro's trip to Gazzola's! We left everything, and everyone behind. It was just you and me! But now it's like you've disappeared into Lily. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"That is not true. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"It is true. You're not upset because you're worried she's mad. You're upset because you'd rather be with her, eating muffins than here with me, eating this delicious... I think one of my mushrooms just crawled away. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Well, you know what? That mushroom's not the only thing that's living. Car keys, please. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"Look at this money! This one has a moose, this one has a beaver, and they all have Elton John on the back. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"When I moved to the States, I swore to myself, I wasn't going to change. And yet, here I am, in the most Canadian place in the universe- Tim Horton's- around the corner from the Hockey Hall of Fame, and I don't belong. It's like I don't have a country. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"Okay, that's it. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"I'm sorry, ted! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"I'm sorry! No, I'm sorry. I never should have been mad at you! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"No, I never should have brought lily. She pees all the time, even at the apartment. Still bros? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Best bros. Hey, you want to crank some Van Halen just like old times? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Hells, yeah! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Or listen to the Sparky book again? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Listen to the Sparky book again. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"Okay. Let's listen to it again. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"Man, those Canadian doctors banded me up, reset my jaw, put my shoulder back in its socket, and they didn't even bill me. Idiots. All right, I guess they're no idiots. The coffee was extraordinary. Huh. I guess Canada's not so bad. They play their cards right, maybe they can even become a state someday. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Barney, I've thought about this. When you stood up and told off those people, I thought, ""Yeah, America's cool."" " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"Hmm. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"And then when those guys pounded the stuffing out of you, I thought, ""Yeah, Canada's pretty cool, too."" I may have taken a few pokes myself. So, I've decided, dual citizenship. I'm going to be American and Canadian. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"Wait, you can do that? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"Yeah, dummy. Instead of being a woman with no country, I'm going to be a woman with two. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"I see. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Robin,"You understand? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Barney,"No, I can see out of my left eye again. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Hey, baby? Baby? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"Hmm? Yeah? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"I'm so sorry that we left you. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"Did you go somewhere, sweetie? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"Mmm... Oh, oh, oh... Yeah... " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"So, I had a great time, too. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"That's good. And I'm so sorry you didn't get any pizza. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,"Oh, that's okay. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"God, my stomach! Damn you, Gazzola's! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"It's like a hot ball of lead! " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"Baby, cut it out of me. " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall,"That was a wild trip, huh, Ted? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Ted,"I know. It was kind of crazy. But how great is it to drink some Tantrum again? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Marshall," You know who had fun, was Lily. Lily drank like, four cans of the stuff. Right Lil'? Where's Lily? " 5x05 - Duel Citizenship,Lily,", " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Who the hell am I gonna bring to this wedding? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted,"Barney: Ted, have you ignored all my teachings? For the most part, yeah. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Ted, have you ignored all my teachings? For the most part, yeah. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," You don't bring a date to a wedding. That's like bringing a deer carcass on a hunting trip. Oh Ted, oh Ted, no, no date. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Deer carcass, really? That's the metaphor you're going for? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Ted, it's a simile. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Well, it's too late now. If I don't bring a date, a $200 piece of chicken-slash-salmon will go uneaten. I gotta bring someone, but who? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Well, Derek and I just broke up. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," No, that's terrible, are you OK? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Yeah, do you need a drink or something? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Never really clicked. I felt bad though, he was pretty bummed. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Don't beat yourself up. He'll be fine. I mean, the guy's like a billionaire. He can put his platinum card on a fishing line and reel in 10 chicks hotter than you. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Thanks, I feel a lot better. Think I'll get that drink now. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," OK, guys, I gotta say something. I think my feelings for Robin may be resurfacing. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Oh, because they were buried in a shallow grave. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Not again. Come on, dude, we all know how this movie ends. Ted falls in love. Love kicks Ted in the sprouts. Roll credits. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," No, you guys just have to look at the whole picture. Fact. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Robin was into me when we first met. Fact. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Even though she didn't want a relationship, we had an amazing kiss on the roof. Fact. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," On New Year's Eve, we kissed again. Fact. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," I need a date to this wedding. Wish me luck " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," What I don't get is, why is Claudia marrying Stuart? She's way hotter than him. How way? Way way. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," This wedding does sound pretty amazing though. Fancy hotel ballroom, everybody all dressed up. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Ah, here we go. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," What? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," We can't get anywhere with our wedding plans because I want it to be fun and Marshall wants it to be lame. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Oh yeah, OK, that's a pretty fair assessment of our two arguments. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," I thought so. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," You know what, excuse me if I don't wanna get married barefoot in the woods next to Lake No-one's-gonna-drive-that-far. Yes, I want a ballroom and I want a band and I want shoes. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," A little girl? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," What up? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," OK, I'm just saying, that it's my wedding too and I should have a say in it. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Yes, but I'm the bride so I win. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Well, I thought marriage was about two equal partners sharing a life together. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Right. But I'm the bride, so I win. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Seriously, Claudia and Stuart?! I mean, I've hooked up with the odd lass who was beneath my level of attractiveness, but, you know, I was drunk. There's no way Claudia has been drunk for three years. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," You know, I've always found that the best way to get over a failed relationship is to celebrate someone else's successful one. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Well, makes sense. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," So, with that mind, our friends Claudia and Stuart are having this crazy, black-tie wedding on Saturday. You wanna be my 'plus one'? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted,"Robin: Ooh, 'plus one', you make it sound so romantic. Fine. You wanna be my date? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Ooh, 'plus one', you make it sound so romantic. Fine. You wanna be my date? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Your date? I'd love to. Um, how fancy are we talking about here? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Oh, you're gonna wanna bring your A game. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Oh, I'll bring it. I'll bring it so hard the bride's gonna look like a big white bag of crap. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Lily, I need a dress. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," You're going. That's awesome. Oh my God, four days to find a dress? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," I know, it's a su1c1de mission. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Well, if we leave now, we can still have a fighting chance. Let's do it. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Bye babe. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Whoa, did you see how fired up she was? I don't know, there's something there. And come Saturday, a little music, a little dancing, a lot of champagne. Who knows? Barney: Wow, Ted, you're gonna have to find another gender for yourself 'cause I'm revoking your dude membership. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Whoa, did you see how fired up she was? I don't know, there's something there. And come Saturday, a little music, a little dancing, a lot of champagne. Who knows? Wow, Ted, you're gonna have to find another gender for yourself 'cause I'm revoking your dude membership. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Yeah, how was that manicure yesterday? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Invigorating, thanks. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Hey, Claudia! " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Hey, how's it going? Claudia: My wedding's in two days, that's how it's going. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Oh, don't worry, it's gonna be great. I'm so excited. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Oh, well, yeah, I'm bringing a date, so I'll be off the market. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted,"Claudia: What? I'm bringing a date. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Uh, yes I am. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," I checked 'plus one'. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Claudia, I'm pretty sure I checked... " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," But I already invited someone. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," But I checked 'plus one'. I always check 'plus one'. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," She doesn't need a place card, she knows her name. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Come on, Claudia, we go way back. Isn't there room for just one more person? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," I don't believe this, Claudia is crazy. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," But to be fair, she's also hot. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," I totally checked 'plus one', I'm sure I did. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Yeah, right. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," I did. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Yeah, I don't think you did. You know why? Because deep down, you didn't want to show up at this thing with a date. See, for all your big talk about being ready for a relationship, deep down you're single. It's your default setting. Ted, you know what's in the back of your brain? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Oh great, here comes the 'little Barney' speech. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Behind a curtain, in a dark little room, secretly controlling your every move... " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall,"Ted, A little Barney. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," A little Barney. And you know what he said? ""Ted, you will bring no dates to this wedding. You will hit on drunk bridesmaids with actual-size Barney."" " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Wow. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Please stop. I gotta call Claudia. If I just explain to her... " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Ted, no. Let it go. She's about to get married. She's got enough to worry about. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Then what am I gonna do? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," The only thing you can do. Tell Robin she can't come. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Just a second. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Hey. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Hey, listen. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Wait, two things. First of all, I've been laying groundwork all afternoon, totally subtle, totally cool, not pushing, not even nudging. Just the theme of today is Ted rocks. And she's picking up on it lying down. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Lily's there's a problem. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Wait, no, thing number two. The dress, we got a dress. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Go. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Well, did I bring it? Or did I bring it? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," I think I brought it. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Wow. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," That's what I was going for. I'm so excited about tomorrow. We're gonna have so much fun. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Yeah, about that. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," I'll pick you up at five. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," So, the dress? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," I don't have a 'plus one' for the wedding. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," What? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," I ran into Claudia and she told me I didn't check 'plus one' on the reply card. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Why didn't you check 'plus... " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," I did check 'plus one'. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," But Robin is so excited. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," I know. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," And the dress. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," I know. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Oh. OK, OK, we'll, we'll sneak her in. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," We can't sneak her in, we're not ninjas. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," I wish we were ninjas. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," I know. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," You can always ask Stuart. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Can I do that? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Sure, you guys have been friends for a long time, and it's 40% his wedding too. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Oh, it's gonna be a tough sell. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Really? Stuart: Sure, the more the merrier. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Wow, wow, thanks for being so cool about this 'cause you know Claudia said... " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Yeah, she's not usually like that. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Well, thanks, Stu, it's gonna be a great wedding. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Honey, this magazine says more and more couples are opting to have nontraditional weddings out in the woods. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Well, if a magazine says so, we should go get married in the woods like a couple of squirrels. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Squirrels don't get married, Marshall. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Like you could possibly know that. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," I did it. I did it. I'm taking her to the wedding. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Nice. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," What? How? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," I talked to Stuart. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Oh, you went around the bride. ""Oh, this hornet's nest looks harmless. Maybe I'll poke it with a stick. Oh, look, some gremlins, let me go feed them after midnight."" Did you known about this? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," It may have been my idea. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," What? Stuart doesn't get a say. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Ha! So you admit it, the groom should have an equal say. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Oh, yeah, sure, on the stupid stuff, like who comes. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," So I can invite whoever I want. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Sure, there's plenty of room in the woods. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," It's Claudia. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," So, it begins. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Come on, it can't be that bad. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Here, Lily, you answer it. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," What? Why? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Because this whole thing was your idea. And Claudia scares me. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," But...but you're the guy...oh. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Ted's phone. Oh, hi Claudia. What? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," They broke up. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Ow! " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Uh-huh, uh-huh. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," It's not because of me, is it? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Uh-huh. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," It's Robin. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Answer it. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Uh, Lily's phone. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Ted. Where's Lily? I need to tell her about these awesome shoes I just bought. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Uh, Lily's busy. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Oh, OK, well I just wanted to say they're gorgeous and Ted's gonna love them. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," That's great. I'll tell Lily to tell me. Uh, listen, I really wanna keep talking but now's not a good time so, um, I'm really excited about tomorrow. OK, bye. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Bye-bye. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Crap, she bought some expensive shoes. She's really looking forward to this. Do you think she's into me? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Ted, focus. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Sweetie, just calm down. Do you wanna go somewhere and talk? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," OK, meet me at MacLaren's. I'll see you there. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," I feel terrible. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Well, feel terrible later. Right now, we gotta fix this. Lily, you go down to the bar and comfort Claudia. Ted and I will go and try to talk some sense into Stuart. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Tell Claudia I'm sorry. Did she seem pissed at me? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," She said if there's no wedding tomorrow, you owe her father $400,000. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Let's say we get these crazy kids back together. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Hi, sad-eyes. What's got you down? Claudia: Stuart and I just broke up. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Oh, God, I'm so sorry. That's just, that's just... two vodka cranberries. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Remember? When it comes to you, how could I forget? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," They all drink vodka cranberries. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," So, is there anything else you need, sweetie? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," No, but I do have a hug. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Thank you. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Stuart, I don't know what to say. If I caused this in any way... " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Oh, come on, man, you don't mean that. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Dude, who doesn't. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," That's crazy. I mean, you're the luckiest...you and Claudia both... " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Stuart, you don't have to be one or the other. Everybody feels this way sometimes. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," OK, ask this guy. Nine years he's been with Lily. He's the pro. This guy knows relationships. Tell him, Marshall. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Stuart, don't get married. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Dude. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," I'm sorry. Being in a couple is hard and committing, making sacrifices, it's hard. But if it's the right person, then it's easy. Looking at that girl and knowing she's all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest thing in the world. And if it's not like that, then she's not the one. I'm sorry. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," You know I don't have $400,000, right? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," That's just, that's... two more vodka cranberries please. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Claudia, it's all gonna be OK. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Isn't it weird that we should run into each other like this? Two souls of equal levels of attractiveness, both fitting together like two pieces of a very attractive puzzle. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Oh, hell no. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Oww " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Claudia is getting married tomorrow and so help me God, if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her, I will take those peanuts you try to pass off as testicles and I will squeeze them so hard your eyes pop out and then I'll feed them to you like grapes. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Wait, my eyes or my testicles? Lily: One of each. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Wait, my eyes or my testicles? One of each. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," All right, all right. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," So, where did we land on the whole 'plus one' thing? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Still wow. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Wow yourself. Look who else brought it. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Oh yeah, I thought about leaving it at home, but I figured I don't wanna get there and realize I need it and have to go all the way back to get it, so, yeah, I brought it. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Sorry. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Hello. Oh my God, tonight? You're kidding. They want me to anchor the news tonight. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Really? Like, anchor anchor? What happened to Sandy? OK, OK, sure, what time do you need me to...Right now! Oh. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Do it. Do it. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," OK, I need like five minutes to change and um, I'll call you from the cab... " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," So, admit it, this wedding is both indoors and amazing. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," I'll give you the crab puffs. The crab puffs are good. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Crab puffs were incredible. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," We should totally have them at our wedding. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Definitely. Hey, we just agreed on something. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," Did we just start planning our wedding? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," I think we did. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," We totally have to get that brown dipping sauce. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," Oh, I thought the red sauce was like aweome. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," My God, were you born without taste buds? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Lily," What? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Marshall," I love you. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Robin," Coming up, are there snakes living in your walls? The answer may surprise you, after the break. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Man, you know something, Stuart's my new hero. If that dude can bag a nine, I gotta be able to bag like a sixteen. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," What's a sixteen? " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Those two eight's right over there. Yeah. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Claudia. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Um She couldn't make it. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," What's so funny? Claudia: Plan a wedding, you'll see. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Look at that. That's how it's supposed to be, that, right there. Easy. Simple. It's just not like that with Robin. It's not easy, and on some level, it has to just be easy. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Speaking of easy, bridesmaids, Ted. Bridesmaids. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," I didn't check 'plus one'. You were right. Barney: Of course I was right. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," I didn't check 'plus one'. You were right. Of course I was right. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," I'm single. Maybe that's just who I am. And you know what? I like being single. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Being single's the best. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," Stay out as late as you want. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Answer to no one. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Ted," The whole world full of endless possibilities. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," Never having to go to a farmer's market. " 1x12 - The Wedding,Barney," OK, ah, doing some math here. Table six has got three bridesmaids, an eight, an eight and a seven. I am willing to give you one of the eight's, lowering myself to a fifteen, which means you owe me... " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"Wow, it's beautiful, Lily. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Yeah. It's just how I always pictured it. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"So, we've decided on a small, outdoor wedding, just family and close friends. No more than 25 people in a beautiful garden somewhere, maybe an acoustic guitar playing while we walk down the aisle. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"And maybe you already know someone who went down to the courthouse and registered as an officiant so that he or she-- he-- could perform the ceremony. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"But you hate marriage. Why do you want to perform the ceremony? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Because it subtly implants in the mind of every woman there that when I ask a question, you say, ""I do."" Yeah. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Great. Now my mom's making me invite the Lessners. This puts our numbers in the triple digits. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"Wow. I guess sometimes, Lessner is more... ner. You know how like sometimes less is more. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"Yeah. This is one of those times, sweetie? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"You know what? That's okay. It'll be a slightly big outdoor wedding. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"So it's not going to be an outdoor wedding anymore. Marshall's dad is convinced if we have an outdoor wedding in New York, he's going to get mugged, so it's going to be inside now. It'll be great. We're still going to have our acoustic guitar player. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"So now, instead of an acoustic guitar, we're having a harp player. Yeah. My dad owes a guy, and... that guy's daughter plays the harp. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Is she hot? I'd love to be able to cross ""harp player"" off my list. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"How long is this list? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Dude, I'm not gonna count how many pages the list is. I'm not crass. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Well, it doesn't matter anyway. She's pregnant. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Sweet! I can cross off two things. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Wow. Andrea. You really are pregnant. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"How do you play the harp with your belly so...? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"You only play half the harp? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"Oh, no. Uh, okay. Lily, I will take care of this. Um, I'll just pluck the other half. Is it hard to learn? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"Yeah, but I'm a fast learner. You ever hear of ""Guitar Hero""? Learned that in a day. Is there a ""Harp Hero""? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Robin, it's fine. So, so, when are you due? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Wow, that's soon. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"Holy crap, we have to fire her. She's gonna drop a shorty in the middle of your ceremony. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Robin, I'm not going to freak myself out. I hate those women who say, ""Oh, my wedding has to be perfect."" Things go wrong. Sometimes the deejay screws up your playlist. Sometimes you slip on placenta during the recessional. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Can I grab a scotch and soda real quick? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Wow. You just cost yourself a big tip, buddy. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"You allowed to accept criticism? You, sir, are an ass... buddy. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Hey, you want to know what line doesn't work on a harp player? ""Hey, baby, want to pluck?"" " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"Really? That didn't work. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Not even a little. Hey! Who's Bill? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Bill? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Yeah. This guy came up to me at the bar. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Uh... Don't think they do that anymore. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Oh, no. Did he look like a guy who tried to be an umpire but failed? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"He kind of did. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"That's Scooter. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"Your high school boyfriend, Scooter? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"His real name is Bill. My mom must have invited him. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"Why? Why would she do that? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Our families are really close. But my ex-boyfriend? Come on, Mom. I didn't invite that professional squash player Dad busted you with. Oh, I need a glass of wine. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"I'll get it. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Oh, thanks. Hey, how's Marshall doing? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"He's great. He's about to get his hair cut. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Oh. I'm worried my cousin's going to cut it too short. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Me, too. I was up all night. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Hey, Bill. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Scooter, what are you doing here? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"You're really cute. Oh, no. Really? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"I want... I want... Scooter! " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"I need a glass of wine. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"It's for the bride, so... " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"White. And, uh... she'd also like a scotch and soda. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"She'd also like a bowl of smoked almonds. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Well, it's only the biggest day of her life, so... " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Here. Can't stay. Got to try something. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"That is a good song. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"That's Scooter. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Hey. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Can I have your phone number? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"It's for the bride. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"The bride wants you to walk slower. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"Oh, wow. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Oh. Robin... My makeup looks perfect right now, and I'm about to cry. Do something. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"I have hairy nipples. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Really? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"No, but it worked, didn't it? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"There's a photographer? Oh, my God. Okay, I just have to call... " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Robin, stop. Stop. It's okay. I am not gonna let anything get to me today. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"I'm okay. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"I'm fine. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Totally cool. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"Oh, no. Lily, I think I forgot your bridal panties. I-I thought I had them. I'm so sorry. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Oh, it's okay, I'll just wear the ones I have on. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"Are you sure? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"I'm marrying Marshall today. So it doesn't even matter that I'm gonna walk down the aisle without a veil in a room that has no flowers to the music of half a harp played by a woman who's crowning, as my high school boyfriend reads g*n N' Roses lyrics. But that's okay, because there's no photographer there to take any pictures of it anyway. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"Lily, are you okay? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"What do you think?! Of course I'm not okay! Everything that could possibly go wrong at my wedding has! It's ruined! " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"What happened to ""I don't want a perfect wedding""? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Oh, grow up, Robin! Of course I want a perfect wedding! Oh, God. I wanted... I wanted not to care about the wedding, but... I do. I... I'm supposed to feel like a princess today. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"And you will. It's gonna be okay, sweetie. Why don't we go outside? I have something that'll make you feel better. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"What could you have that could possibly make me feel better? God, I hope Marshall's having a better day than I'm having. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God! " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"What? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Well, it's not too short. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"My hair! Look at my hair! She ruined my hair! I look like one of the Backstreet Boys! " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"You totally do. And not even the good Backstreet Boys, the older, lame dance move, comeback tour Backstreet Boys. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"The good Backstreet Boys? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Guys! Guys! What am I gonna do?! " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"What-what the hell happened to you? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Lily's cousin is in beauty school, and Lily didn't want her to do her hair, so she said she could do mine. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"So, um, just not-not too short, okay? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Oh, okay, yeah, that's great. 'Cause, um, when it gets too short, it starts to look weird. And I don't want to look weird when I'm up there, you know. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"I don't think I need advice on how to be cool, but yeah, great, lay that on me. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"I can't get married like this! There's no way! " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Ah, let me see what I can do. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"What? What can you do? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"I have a superpower. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Lily is gonna k*ll me! Look at me! She's not gonna want to marry me like this. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"That's crazy. Of course she will. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Would you marry me? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"No. But not because of the hair. It's because I have a rulenever marry anyone you've had a farting contest with. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Oh, great. So now you're saying Lily and I shouldn't even get married? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Could I have everyone's attention, please? It's for the bride. One, the bride would... like all of this tension out of my shoulders. And she would like, let's say, you in the inappropriatel short dress to rub them. Two... What was two? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"Okay, we have a bit of a situation. Let's not panic. Let's just find a solution. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Yeah, yeah, but it's good. I ought to shave it all off. What a great solution. Just be bald 'cause it's cool, right? Bruce Willis, Michael Jordan, Britney Spears... Oh, God, what did I do?! How could you let me shave my head?! " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"What?! " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"You're the worst best man ever! I hate you! I'm not going out there! I'm leaving and I'm never coming back.I'm gonna go find that money under the rock by the tree and go live with the guys on the beach in Zihautanejo. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"Dude, those guys are criminals. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Only Red Andy was falsely accused. Ted, you're my best man! You got to do something! " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"Okay, all right, come here. Just breathe, breathe, all right? Don't worry. Don't worry. I'll just... I'll take these. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"No! " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"Uh, hi. Uncle Ben, right? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"Yes, we're, we're having a little bit of a problem back there. Um, and I was wondering if you could help us out. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"Marshall accidentally shaved part of his head. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"Yeah. Yeah, so here's what I was thinking. What if I found something to cover up the bald area? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"Maybe a wig of some sort or a, um... toupee. Something that matches " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"That is true. That is true. We just need to find someone who wears a toupee that is the same color as Marshall's and your hair. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"Really? You can't think of any place in the general area where there might be a toupee of the kind I'm describing to you? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"Let me come at this from a different angle. I got $50 in my pocket which is probably a lot more... " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"The bride needs this. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Actually, I think it kinda works. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"It totally does. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Barney? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"To be honest, I'm, uh, I'm jealous I don't get to wear it. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Okay, problem solved. Crisis averted. Let's get me married. It looks terrible, doesn't it? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"It kinda looks like fur, which gives you the appearance of a cleaned-up Bigfoot. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Oh, you know... " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"In a bad way. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"What happened to your shirt? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"You gonna put another shirt on? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"What? What? Scooter's here? That guy's at my wedding? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Okay, you know what? I need some air. I think we should go for a walk, okay? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"It would cover up the problem. It's festive and it celebrates the heritage of this great nation. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"Okay, unless you actually have one in your car, stop suggesting authentic Native American headdress. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Oh, no. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Oh, my God! Marshall... " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Lily, you're not supposed to see me. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"Holy crap, I don't think anyone's supposed to see you. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"What happened? Did Amy do this to you? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Just the frosted tips. I did the rest. I'm sorry, baby. I've ruined the whole wedding, haven't I? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Oh, no, you didn't ruin the wedding, sweetie. It was already ruined. There's no flowers, no photographer. Oh, and Scooter's here, by the way. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Yeah, I know. I heard. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"My veil got thrashed, the harp player is in labor, and I'm not wearing my wedding underwear. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"What? No ""Property of Marshall"" across the back? How are people going to know whose butt that is? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"What happened? Remember the wedding we wanted, the intimate outdoor ceremony? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"I wish we could have that wedding. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"So do it. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"What? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"Get married now. Right here. Look, it's outside like you always wanted. Intimate, close friends. There's no guitar, but it's pretty close. Barney can officiate. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Yes. Yes, I can. Uh, excuse me, guys. You all dropped somethingyour jaws-- because Barney Stinson is about to aid and abet a marriage. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Could we even do that? I mean, what about all those people in there? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"Do that one, too. And then when everything goes wrong, you won't care because you already had the real wedding out here. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"What do you think, baby? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"I love it. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Me, too. Let's do it. Let's get married before we get married. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Great. Wait, hold on. Excuse me, sir. Could we borrow your hat? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Thank you. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Hat. We thought of authentic Native American headdress before we thought of hat. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Thank you all for coming. For those of you who don't know me... I'm not the biggest believer in marriage. But... you two are so great together, you know? It's like you were, uh, made for each other. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"He's gonna cry. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"No, I'm not. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. Lily and Marshall... when everyone sees you, they... see true love. It's the best love... Can we just, um, move on to the rings or something? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Oh, no. I don't have my vows. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"I don't have mine either. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"You don't need your vows. Just say why you love each other. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Okay, I'll go first. Lily, there are a million reasons why I love you. You make me laugh and you take care of me when I'm sick. You're sweet, caring and you even created an egg dish and named it after me. She puts a little Italian dressing in scrambled eggs before she cooks them. It's called ""Eggs Marshall,"" and it's awesome. But the main reason that I love you is that you're my best friend, Lily. You're, uh... you're the best friend I ever had. I'm sorry, buddy. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"No problem. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"It's totally okay. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"My turn. Oh, thank you. Marshall, I love you because you're funny and you make me feel loved and you make me feel safe and for our anniversary you gave me a sweatshirt that says, ""Lily and Marshall. Rockin' It Since '96."" I kinda wish I was wearing it right now 'cause it smells like you. But the main reason I love you, Marshall Ericksen, is you make me happy. You make me happy all the time. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"Hey, I found your panties! " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"I'm good. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Marshall, do you take Lily to be your wife to have and to hold from this day forward? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Slow down. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"I can't From this day forward so as long as you both shall live? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"I do. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Lily, do you promise to take Marshall to be your husband to have and to hold... live? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"I do. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Barney,"Okay, then, by the power invested in me by the very bitter old Pakistani man who works down at the courthouse on Lafayette Street, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"Did you smoke? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"No. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Robin,"Wow. First lie of marriage. That was fast. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"How do you feel? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Tired. I got married twice today. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Marshall,"So where do you want to do it for the first time as a married couple, nice hotel room or a reception hall bathroom? " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"What do you think? Bathroom, of course. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Ted,"Please don't. " 2x21 - Something Borrowed,Lily,"Sorry, Ted."