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TIFU by body-checking a shoplifter.

I don't know why I did it! I don't work there. I just heard the employee yelling in the back of the (popular national pharmacy chain) "he's here again, he here's again!" I look back to see what all the fuss is about and see a guy in all black, black hoodie, face covered, carrying a big black plastic garbage bag. As the employee (a very tiny older lady) was still yelling her head off, the guy sprinted toward the front door (and where I was standing with my items). It was like those crazy videos you see of people smash-and-grabbing in stores, but in this case it was just one guy. I'm appalled by people who act like that. Makes me dismayed for the state of the world. And I had had that kind of day, you know, one of those "I wish a M-F\*er would" kind of days. I got bad service in the previous two places I was in (one of which was a bank), and wanted to take it out on someone. So I just kinda "got in the guy's way" kinda sorta on purpose and rammed my shoulder into him as he was passing. He fell into the racks between the two doors and down onto the floor, got back up and pushed past me so I grabbed the back of his jacket. Sadly I couldn't get a good grip and he ran out the door, and apparently down the block and boarded a bus. The employees and other shoppers were very nice and repeatedly asked me if I was OK in the store, I totally was. I didn't even fall down or drop my items or anything. But now my back and shoulder are pretty sore and I'm dreading what I'm going to feel like tomorrow. Feels like when you slip and fall on the ice, like your whole body got a huge jolt, which I guess technically it did but it was totally my fault. I don't know what I was thinking other than "Not today M-F\*er. Not on my watch." Details: I'm female and 50, but also 5'11" and 250 pounds so . . . not exactly a wilting violet. TL;DR: I body-checked a shoplifter and now I'm feeling it.

TIFU by making my husband think I was abducted

When getting home from work, a very small and sickly looking older dog was walking down the street of our neighborhood, which we’ve lived in for only a few months. I pulled into my driveway and jumped out of the car to go try and catch the dog when our next door neighbor pulled in behind me and blocked the road and helped me grab the dog. We were taking the dog back to her house and while we were getting the dog a collar on and reaching out to the local shelter, another neighbor who neither of us knew came up and claimed the dog saying he had been looking for her. After he left with the dog, we talked about how sick the poor dog looked, and then introduced ourselves and started to chat as we had never met each other. She told me the gossip about neighbors, things she knew about our home and her dogs. She asked me inside to meet their dogs which I did, and she was very nice and talked a lot. After a little while, I said I needed to go, and as I was walking outside, we saw a police offer slowly pull into our neighborhood, which was odd, but before I could open the door and get outside another officer pulled in behind the first and they were stopped at our house. I ran outside and let the officers know I lived there and asked if I could help them, and they told me I just had. Apparently my car door didn’t close, and i had left my phone in the car. My poor husband had called the cops and was in the process of asking the neighbors if they had seen me, but just happened to not go to the house I was actually at yet. The police were happy to see me home and that my husband acted fast but soon left us alone to talk to our neighbor about how sickly the poor dog we found was and to go check on it. TL;DR: TIFU by making my husband and police think I was kidnapped from our driveway while trying to help a lost dog and meeting our neighbors.

TIFU by forgetting to hide the picture frame in my living room

For context my roommate isn't white but I am. We were having something delivered today but I was the only one home to welcome the package. The people delivering it helped me carry it up the stairs and I made sure to thank them and give them some water after the heavy lifting. Their mood shifted when we got the package into the living room and they seemed very awkward and uncomfortable. I figured they were just trying to get out fast to continue their other deliveries but then I remembered what we have framed and on display in the living room. It's a piece of paper my roommate and I found stapled to a phone pole one night that left us in stitches because it has "IT'S OK TO BE WHITE" printed on it. We thought it was so funny that we needed to make it our first piece of home decor. Fml TLDR: Didn't hide the "ITS OK TO BE WHITE" paper that I have framed and on display when movers came.

TIFU for helping a stranger

This happened today and I’m so angry at myself, but absolutely need to tell the story. I’m a first year college student and most of my life I lived in a small city, while there were different kinds of beggars, they would usually sit in one place with a cup for money and barely say anything. I moved to a bigger city to attend university and haven’t interacted with any beggars or scammers. Today, as I was leaving a cafe and adjusting my headphones, a woman slightly older ( not older than 25 tho ) than me approached me. I would usually shake my head and walk away, but I couldn’t quite hear what she said which made me stay put. She told me that she doesn’t want any money, but asked if I could buy her something to eat. I gave her 10 lei ( Romanian currency, so this is the equivalent of 2 euros ) and told her she can go and buy something for herself. While she accepted the money, she said I have to go with her because her grandma will be mad at her. She told me she has a few siblings when I asked her, and that one of them was sick, which made me feel for her. Initially, I thought she was gonna buy herself something with the money I gave her, but soon realised it wasn’t the case when I went to a nearby store with her. I told her I have to go since I had courses, but then she said “ but you said you’ll buy me some food “. I was shocked and reluctant, but I figured I’ll survive without 10 euros or so. She assured me she won’t choose anything expensive ( which wasn’t the case at all! ), and she started walking around the store with a basket. When I was about to pay, she chose the self scan method, saying it’s faster ( I realised later she only did it so the cashier wouldn’t call her out on it ). She then took the receipt and dared to ask me for a few more euros, to which I replied “ Don’t you think I helped you enough? “. Later, my classmates told me she kept the receipt to return the items and keep the money. In conclusion, I am a dumb idiot who wasted 150 lei ( 30 euros ) on a liar. I would’ve been less upset if she actually used the money to buy herself and her siblings food. I know I should’ve left at any point, but I practically froze in that moment. The only good part is that I learned my lesson and my dumb self would never fall for such thing again. Feel free to slam me in the comments. TL;DR Thought I was buying food for a woman, she actually scammed me.

TIFU helping a friend get gas

I worked at a restaurant in an outlet mall. One day, one of my coworkers went to leave after his shift and discovered he didn’t have gas. I told him he could use my car to run to the gas station and there was a gas can in the trunk. The only problem was one of the caps was missing off the gas can. I happened to have a big novelty pen with a huge squishy finger grip, so I told him to plug up the hole with that so gas doesn’t spill all over my car. Some time later my coworker comes back and says he got the gas but accidentally locked my keys in the car. I said I would try to figure out something after my shift, don’t worry about it. Some time after that, cops show up asking for the owner of my car. They ask me to follow them and explain what I know about the “device” underneath my car. I go look and shoved under my car is a bright red gas can with a stupid novelty pen sticking out of it. Someone had called it in as a potential bomb. I explained the situation and the cop said he needed to take pictures as a precaution, so he had me “separate the components of the device” and hold them to opposite sides at arm’s length. So somewhere there’s a police precinct that has a picture of me T-posing with a gas can, a stupid novelty pen, and a befuddled expression on my face. TL;DR Let my friend use my car to get gas, T-posed with suspected explosive device.

TIFU by trying to remove unwanted hair.

I thought that I had a solution for a problem. My unwanted hair. Like under my arms, the scratchy part of my beard and other hair I just do not want. So I decided to get a tube of "no hair". But while I was buying this. I remembered the amazon review with the gay snowman. So I was careful. Got the one for sensitive skin. Read the instructions twice. Check after 3 minutes. Do not leave in for more than 15. Once again, gay snowman. So I decide to only do my underarms. To be safe. I get my stopwatch, apply it, and wait. Slight tingly burn starts at a minute. Probably normal. 3 minutes in. Hair not moving. I wait. 6 minutes, starting to burn. Hair doesn't care. 10 minutes in, very uncomfortable. I decided to call it and wipe it off. It start burning. I make sure it is properly washed, and the burning doesn't stop. I get a great idea. Apply some body lotion. That should sooth it. It was only after I applied it that I realised I hadn't experienced burning yet. So I am standing in front of the sink, trying to wash it off like a french hooker between her 4th and 5th client, trying not to lose the use of my hands. The worst part is, the hair is still there! TL;DR: I removed underarm hair with "No Hair", and ended up burning my armpits without actually removing the hair.

TIFU by answering a booty call.

Earlier tonight my F*** buddy hit me up telling me her roommates were gone for the weekend and that she was wet, “…drive over and spend the night. I have a driveway space open. Don’t worry about overnight parking fees.” My check engine light has been on since I changed my ignition coils for my car misfiring and also tune-up service folks mentioned I had a few leaks, but I drove regardless. Halfway there my car broke down on the fwy. I had to call a tow which ended up being hella expensive. I told her I’d be an hour late (car broke down, have to ride share there) and if she was still down. She said she got sleepy and wasn’t in the mood anymore. Now I got a huge bill to pay and no action. TL;DR - Car broke down while driving to date’s place. Delayed time turned her off. No sex, huge bill.

TIFU by drugging my boss

This morning, my day took an unexpected turn when I received frantic texts from my coworker, Rachel. While with our boss, Josh, she told me something that had me immediately worried: Josh's elevated heart rate, dizziness, and an overall unwell feeling. Knowing about Josh's history with heart problems, I was on high alert. But the real story unfolded in a way I did not see coming. As Rachel, who happens to be a nurse, was trying to assess Josh's condition, another coworker strolled in, asking about some cookies in the kitchen. Now, it's important to note that our team often gathers in each other's homes, and today happened to be at Rachel's. Sensing a potential crisis, Rachel warned the newcomer not to eat the cookies, which prompted the big revelation. As it turns out, a week ago, we had a Friendsgiving celebration at Rachel's place, and both Josh and the inquiring coworker were absent. Being the considerate friend that I am, I had baked a batch of cookies – some for general consumption and others with a special twist. To avoid any mix-ups, I meticulously labeled the 'special' ones with a little leaf on the box. However I accidentally left them at Rachel's house, intending to grab them next week. Fast forward to today, and Josh, unaware of the cookie's special ingredient, helped himself to what he thought was an innocent snack. Thankfully Josh, connecting the dots, burst into laughter, realizing he had inadvertently consumed my "fun" cookies. Fortunately, Josh has a good sense of humor and is no stranger to the peculiar effects of the green. He took it all in stride, turning what could have been a workplace emergency into an unexpected moment of hilarity. TLDR: My boss experienced a momentary health scare at work, only to discover it was the result of unknowingly consuming the 'special' cookies I had left behind from our Friendsgiving celebration.

TIFU by calling my dick a peepee and turning my wife off

My wife (30F) loves the way I (34M) smell after I shower. She tells me this all, so this is nothing new. After we got off of work today, I helped her make dinner because she was too tired. This is normally her responsibility in the household, as she is a chef and I am not. She was really thankful, and after eating and laying on me got turned on. I fed into it and started dirty talking her, nibbling he ear, kissing her neck and groping her. We're on the couch touching each other, preparing to get into the main course. She whispered, "I want something" to me So I look into her eyes, and with the seriousness of king addressing his troops, say do you want my peepee. She recoiled in disgust and said to forget it. This happened two weeks ago and shes still refusing to do anything sexual with me. Im getting desperate. I don't really see how what I did was THAT bad. Any advice on how to fix my mistake would be appreciated TLDR. I called my dick a peepee during sexy time now Ita sad and she wont let m forget. Edit: His name is Vladimir, not Mr Winkiee

TIFU by forgetting about some potatoes

My boyfriend was asleep with the door cracked open and I was playing a game on my phone on the couch. I was trying to be very quiet so he could sleep peacefully, which made this whole episode like something from a tiny version of A Quiet Place. I heard what sounded like a squeaking sound...almost like a mouse. I started freaking out a bit because I keep the apartment quite clean, barring some bits of food that have fallen between the stove and the wall - I intend to have him help me pull it out at some point & clean that up. Anyway, I start quietly creeping around the place with my phone flashlight on, looking under the tables, couch, fridge, etc...nothing! No evidence of bugs or mice or any critters, but the squeaking continues! I'm terrified at this point. Could it be a bat? He told me when he first moved in there was a bat that got in. Now I'm flashing my light up under the cabinets and stove hood, cringing silently away, lest some squeaky, fluttery creature attack my face. Finally I seem to home in on the source of the noise. It's beneath some empty grocery bags I was saving to keep in the cars as garbage bags. I'm ready to fight. I quickly move the bags - to find five very small potatoes, rotting away in a plastic bag, releasing juices and gases against their bag in a cacophony of tiny squeaks. I guess my typical diligence in cleaning failed and I missed these little fellas, and they decided to scare the living daylights out of me in retribution. In relieved disgust, I tie up the bag and drop it in the trash bin, which thankfully has a lid, relegating the potatoes - and their song - to the darkness. Terror abated, I returned to my game. I won't be sleeping until my blood pressure and heart rate return to normal. TL;DR: I thought there was a mouse, got real scared; it turned out to be rotting potatoes releasing gas in a bag

TIFU by pretending that i am 1 year older than all of my friends for 5 years

When I was younger, i believed it would be very cool to be older than i am in reality. I went to a summer camp in another country, and i didn't really know anyone there. I met a group of people, and we clicked. There was one person in the group that was 1 year older than the rest, and everyone looked up to him, so i thought it would be a good idea to lie about my age and say that i was 1 year older. I made up some fake birthday that i pretended to be VERY secretive about as well, and i wouldn't tell them when my real birthday was, like, ever. For context, I did and still do live in a different country than them. Here we are 5 years down the line and they think i am in my last year of school, when in reality i'm only graduating next year. I really, really hate that i decided to lie about my age then, but now it is just way too awkward to come clean. But then again, I do realise that I can't pretend to be attending University, while still being in school. I feel very bad but i really do not want to come clean. TL;DR: When i was 12, i lied to my friends in summer camp and told them that i am 1 year older than i actually was, it is now 5 years later, and they think i'm going to university next year, but i am not. ​

TIFU by ordering $200 worth of vibrators

This actually happened this past Black Friday but I got the package today. A creator I watch semi-regularly had partnered with a sex toy website and hosted a giveaway. I'm only human, my electric toothbrush can only "do it" for me so much, so I applied. I ended winning a $250 gift card which I found to be a steal, because combined with the Black Friday discounts it meant I could get some normally pricey items for basically nothing. I ended up choosing two different vibrators and even won a third for free because the order was over a certain price. So I checked out, feeling pretty good about the basically not-purchase and knowing I'd be feeling even better in the future. However, that basically came crashing down when I saw the order summary. There was a $200 dollar charge despite the fact that the products I'd ordered only added up to be in-budget with the money on the gift card. So I looked closer. So I looked closer. The best I can figure is that I misclicked/clicked too many times, because instead of having three different vibrators, I had five vibrators, three of which were the same. I didn't freak out at first. I'd literally just placed the order, so you'd think I'd be able to cancel it. Right? Well apparently this company packages and ships their products instantly because they had a no-cancel-no-returns policy. I can understand the no-returns policy - why is god's name would a store take back a used sex toy? - and to their credit the store did ship my order within a few hours, but that now meant that I have $200 worth of vibrators I had no intention of purchasing. The whole point of this giveaway was so that I could get free vibrators. Not to mention that my mom could potentially see the charge to my bank account (our accounts are connected because I still live at home and we use the same bank). Not that I think she'd go looking, but on the off chance sees the charge and gets curious because I rarely spend $200 at once (I still live at home). I guess the best thing for me to do is try reselling what I didn't mean to order. I know it's the holiday season but there's no one in my life I could give a vibrator without dying of embarrassment. They came shipped in plastic wrap that I haven't opened so there'd be no worries about the hygiene. I'd just have to figure out how online selling works and shipping costs. And also hope that anyone would risk buying a technically second hand sex toy. TL;DR: I misclicked on a sex toy website and ended up with $200 worth of the same exact vibrator

TIFU by using the toaster oven at an air bnb

I'm staying with my brother at an Air BNB the past couple weeks, visiting family. My brother went to meet up with an old friend, leaving me at the house. All I had lying around to eat were poptarts, so I put some in the toaster oven and went to the living room to do some reading. I smelled something a little funny after a while and looked up to see smoke. I ran to the kitchen and there was a full-on fire going in the catcher below the cook tray. No smoke alarm, just fire. I shut off the toaster, unplugged it, and closed the door again hoping the fire would go out on its own. It did not. Desperate, I filled a mug of water and threw it on the fire. Fortunately that did the trick, but of course created more smoke. Now I have the place airing out with the regular oven vent turned up to max, but I'm terrified that I've put a permanent smoke smell in the common space. How do I minimize the damage from this fuck up? TL;DR: wanted poptarts for breakfast at an Air BNB, underestimated toaster oven.

TIFU my spine by sleeping on top crudely pieced together slats of wood for a year

Obligatory not today, this happened like a month ago. So the bed frame that I have is a queen bed frame, metal, and it doesn't have built in mattress support just like 4 bars that go across the bottom of it horizontally. You're supposed to have a box spring or something. So for a while at my old apartment I used the two thick oak closet doors which perfectly fit in my bed as the thing that supported the mattress. A year ago I moved into a new apartment and had to leave those closet doors behind. So to solve the problem of needing some kind of support, I figured, it doesn't need solid support, just something to distribute the weight of the mattress so the 4 built in bars in the bedframe can hold me up. ( This is the fuck up: forgetting to never skimp on something that separates you from the ground). I literally found some wood flooring on the side of the road, carried it home, and nailed it together. It was uneven and like a messed up jigsaw type platform. I wish I had a picture but just think of flooring panels crudely nailed together, like 5 of them, in an uneven way because my dumb brain thought it would distribute the weight of the mattress. Also I do live in the USA but I didn't have enough money at the time to buy a box spring. I sleep on the mattress like this for like a year. Also, I had a driving job that required drug testing so I didn't smoke the devil's lettuce for almost a full year. My back started hurting slowly. I'm not sure if it was the driving job or the mattress or both. Either way it was one reason I quit my driving job. Like, the main reason I cited to my bosses and other people. Thank goodness, I thought, because I can smoke again. Whenever I am high I am REALLY aware of my body sensations. One night I get VERY high and I'm laying in bed and I can see in my minds eye, really almost pscyhedelically, my spine not being supported and like going up and down too much and I'm like " whoah dude it's cause I don't have a good support for my mattress". I spend an eternity moving back and forth in my bed feeling where my spine gets supported and where it doesnt. It's like a revelation. The next morning I tell my partner about it and they say I was exaggerating. I look under the bed and sure enough the part in the bed that my weed induced vision told me my spine was sinking was the part that didn't have support. My partners side of the bed had more of the crudely stuck together wood pieces. At this point I'm like freaking out and spend days trying to find an affordable box spring or something. I finally find one, a bunkie board, which is a box spring alternative. I put it together and sleep on the mattress on top of it and like the next day my back pain improved 50%. Over the next week it basically disappeared. Don't make this mistake . Sleep on something that supports you. Sleep on the floor. Sleep on a hard mattress. Don't sleep on something uneven it'll fuck up your spine. tldr: slept on a fucked up diy bunkie board, didn't realize it was hurting my spine for a year, got really high and had a vision, fixed it and back pain is gone

TIFU by pretending I don’t speak English.

This happened a couple weeks ago I had a few friends come to visit me from Argentina. They don’t speak English so obviously around them I speak Spanish, for a little context I’m Argentinian/Spanish born in the US. Spanish is my first language but I speak English fluently. On this day I was taking them to a few places in my town I live in the Midwest so our tours consisted of a lot of coffee shops, target, and tj maxx. We were checking out at tj maxx and the cashier greeted us like normal and started silently scanning our items. At this point we haven’t spoken much all I said was ‘yes thank you’ to him asking if we found everything alright. He was very attractive and my friends made a joke about American men. We started talking a little as he scanned and he noticed we weren’t speaking English. He looks up and kindly asks if we were from here. I’ve dealt with every racist comment and question under the sun but his was just curious. My friends knew certain words and phrases and one answers with ‘no from Argentina’. Cashier then goes on about how he loves Argentina and soccer and then finishes by asking if we like the US so far. He spoke fast so my friends all turn to me to translate but instead I turn to him and say ‘Sorry little no English” with an accent behind it. My friends all look confused and quietly ask wtf I was doing. Honestly it was a gut reaction. I’ve always wanted to use my Spanish speaking skills in this way like last week at work a lady came in looked me up and down and in the rudest way asked if I spoke English. Shocked I quickly said yes of course but then thought I could’ve said no and not had to deal with her. But this time my mind decided this was the moment to try this. After telling him that he goes oh I’m so sorry and in a broken Spanish says he loves Argentina and fútbol. It was cute he was trying we all laughed and thanked him and he ended the conversation with adios and buenos días which is ‘good morning’ but it’s the thought that counts. In the car my friends died laughing telling me that was so stupid I said whatever never gonna see him again. A couple days pass honestly forgot I did that and we went back to tj maxx because my friend was leaving soon and she wanted to exchange a dress she bought. It was just the two of this time last time it was four of us. The line was super long so she makes the line while I shopped around a little more. She had already made it to the cashier by the time I got there and of course it was the same guy. I recognized him straight away and as he had his back turned asking for help on the exchange my friend jokingly asks if I know English today. I was prepared to go either way but when he came back he looks at me weird and asks if we were the girls from Argentina, in the cutest broken Spanish. I was hoping he forgot us but I smiled and go ‘Si’. I then kept adding to the issue and go ‘you remember’ in my attempt at broken English. He goes ‘Si son muy bonitas’ which is you guys are very pretty we laugh and thanked him and he finished her items and starts scanning mine. My friend had a phone call to take so she excused herself. Now it was just him and I and I was so ready to come clean but then he asked if I was living here now. This time in English but he spoke slow hoping I could understand. I responded and kept the act by saying I just moved here. I was just digging myself deeper at this point. He tried to give me a few recommendations and at this point I was struggling to act like I didn’t know what he was saying and he was trying to find the right words that i could understand. I pay and was ready to leave when he puts his hand to his ear gesturing getting my phone number. He said he could show us around sometime and if we needed anyone to learn English with hed be happy to help. I actually found this guy attractive and honestly felt like shit already so I gave him my number. I left and later that day received a text from him in Spanish he was using Google translate to try and communicate with me and we ended up talking a lot. He was sweet and said he always wanted to learn Spanish so maybe he could teach me English and I could teach him Spanish. He asked if I was free this Saturday to meet up with him and few of his friends for drinks and haven’t given him a clear answer because I don’t think I can keep this up any longer. TL;DR: Lied to a cute cashier acting like I didn’t know English and now we’ve been talking and he’s invited me out but I have to keep playing this role or he’ll find out I lied.

TIFU by making home made broccoli cheddar soup.

My life has been a very, very long test of trial and error which usually does not go spectacularly for me. I decided to make broccoli cheddar soup for Thanksgiving. It was so good and such a hit with the family, and especially my husband, that a couple days later I decided to make a double batch so we could eat it for a couple days. The recipe called for shredded sharp cheddar, of course, but the first time I used a block of it and slowly melted it into the soup. Nothing went sideways. My fuck up happened when I decided that for the bigger batch, I would double the cheese. But that caused the soup to have too much of that sharp bitter flavor and I wound up throwing it out after my husband ate what he wanted. My bright mind figured since it wasn't thick enough to just go in the trash immediately, I would sift it through a strainer in the sink and throw away the chunks immediately instead with plans to do dishes later on. Being that it's the holidays, it took me a couple days to get through all of the dishes and the cheesy mess in the strainer has now solidified. There's almost no hope of saving the strainer. It's one big cheesy disaster. I have tried a hot soak, dish liquid, even sacrificed a sponge in the process which gooped with soft but not entirely dissolved cheese particles. TL:DR I made a large batch of broccoli cheddar soup and wound up sifting the chunks out to throw it away, resulting in my strainer now being a solidified compound of metal and cheese.

TIFU by looking at my boyfriends phone

TIFU by looking at my boyfriend’s phone. Well actually it was yesterday. He was showing me a conversation from his best friend and I read something that I shouldn’t have. Lately my boyfriend and I have been talking about engagement. He told me that he was going to propose in 2024, between February and July. We looked at rings together, I gave him many different options and told him what I liked and didn’t like. He said I wasn’t allowed to look at certain conversations because of what he was saying to them about the engagement. He wants a bunch of it to be a surprise. Well yesterday we were talking about friend 2 and he was talking to friend 2 about friend 1. He was showing me the conversation and I kept reading (he told me to just keep reading) and I read that he was talking about the engagement to friend 2, since friend 1 was engaged. I read the month he was going to propose and I panicked. He realized what I read and he panicked as well. He grabbed the phone from me and immediately walked away, very mad at himself. I kept saying I’m sorry over and over again. He said that it wasn’t my fault, but I just kept reading and not realizing what I had done. I told him later that day that I was not allowed to go on his phone until he has proposed, and now he has to go to everyone again and change the date. TL;DR TIFU by reading my boyfriend’s phone and seeing when he was going to propose to me. Edit- please bear with me, this is only my second ever post. -Thank you to those that have said nice things. We really appreciate them. -Every relationship/dynamic is different. Please respect ours. -He wants everyone (both families) there to see the proposal. That’s why there was a date set. -To those saying that we are too immature to be getting married, sorry that you can’t be a little immature with your partner. Sometimes it’s the little, stupid, or silly things that make a relationship stronger. We’ve been together for over a year, and are old enough to get married. -We enjoy the little things, and making them surprises is one of them. -This isn’t the biggest FU ever but I figured I’d share a nice story. It’s something that people can laugh at or relate to. Edit 2- I wasn’t looking through his phone. He was showing me a conversation because I read faster than he talks, and we just get frustrated if he reads it to me.

TIFU by leaving Reddit Notis on

So My wife was ordering food on my phone and I barely have notis on for any apps, other than text and emails. A post from r/marriage came up that said Shitty Sex Life or something like that. She immediately gasps and hands me the phone like wtf is this?! Now, my wife doesn’t use Reddit and we have been having issues in the bedroom for years and it’s a constant stressor. But when we do it’s good, but there’s always a bit of tension around it. I had to explain to her that I got a notification from a Reddit forum where SOMEONE ELSE posted about THEIR shitty sex life and that for some random reason the algorithm decided to notify me 🤦🏽‍♂️. I also have to debate opening the app and showing her, but there’s plenty of porn subreddits I follow and although she doesn’t care about porn, it would NOT be the most comfortable rabbit hole to add to the potential drama. And if I go to my profile she will potentially search my history, which is uncomfortable. Luckily I played it off and explained it’s a noti from a marriage forum and she let it go. So no more notis for me and thanks Reddit for almost fucking up my night and forcing a stressful convo in an already tense situation. TLDR: Reddit decided to notify me about someone’s horrible sex life post in the 30 seconds my wife had my phone, during already tense marriage surrounding our sex life. Unnecessary drama ensued.

TIFU by thinking won a raffle

I was in math class and we were doing this raffle thing. Each math question you answer you get to put your name in a raffle ti win chocolate. Not anything fancy, kit kats, aeros, all the yummy stuff. There were 20 questions in total and i answered all of them, so i had the max amount of tickets you could enter. At the end of the class my teacher picked 10 names. At the very last one she pulled my name and i ran to the front of the room to take the only chocolate left—a coffee crisp. I dont even like coffee crisp. I looked at my friends with a smile and they looked MORTIFIED. "Dude she didnt call your name" I was MORTIFIED. My teacher called someone else and i thought she said my name. The girl she ACTUALLY called doesnt even have a similar name to mine. I gave her the coffee crisp and all my friends made fun of me. TL;DR i thought my name was called to get candy but then it was actually someone else and i embarrassed myself infront of the whole class.